# for those of you with young toddlers and ironed clothes/makeup/washed hair...



## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

When I'm out and about I see these moms with full on make-up, nice neat clean hair, matching clothes, etc. When I go over to people's houses they are often spotless. Including things like windows and the high chair. Um...how does this work with a young toddler exactly? What about arts and crafts projects? How do you manage to knit full sweater sets, scrapbook the vacation from two weeks ago, make art projects with your 15 month old, etc etc etc etc. ?? Another one I'm not understanding--cooking? I hear about how kids are only eating organic meals home cooked by mama or papa. This worked back at 10 months, but at the moment my daughter doesn't want to eat anything I cook for her besides spaghetti, noodles and cheese, fish sticks, chicken nuggets and sometimes mashed potatoes. Often she even refuses her favorites and it's Ritz crackers and yogurt the whole day.

I feel happy if I don't look like I live under a bridge (though I am embracing this look at the moment actually...pretending like my thrown together style is intentional helps my self-esteem a bit). If the house is kind of picked up (no noodles ground into the carpet, toys in the toybox instead of covering every surface of the floor) I am proud of myself.

Anyone? Are there some secret tips I am missing? I know it gets easier once the child is 2 or 3, but come on. I have to shower at night when my husband is home, if I want time on the computer it's at 11 pm at night. Every second of every day is taken up with a little one hanging on my legs, dragging me around by the finger, or pointing at what she wants. Something like putting on make-up is out of the question (she wants me to give it to her) or even emptying the dishwasher. I try and distract her by letting her "help" (putting away her own plastic dishes and plates, etc) but she won't have it and wants the ceramic plates and sharp knives. When I try to do the wash she wants to throw things in the toilet or play in the cat box. Today I finally put her in the empty bathtub so I could start a load. It's like this the whole day. So when I see perfect homes and model-perfect mamas at the park I have to wonder...

This message took me 3 hours to write, by the way. DD is having a quick second nap for the first time in weeks.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

oh thank you. Sometimes I feel so alone, like I'm the only mamma who has to actually figure out this stuff, b/c it seems like the others alreayd have a handle on it!


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## cotopaxi (Sep 17, 2007)

Um, well... my toddler takes two 1.5 hour naps per day and goes to bed a 7:30pm.
So I do my hair and whatnot during the morning nap before we go out for the day.
And then I have the whole afternoon nap to do some chores. Plus she's in a phase where she loves helping me, so I can do some chores even with her awake - she has a little broom and we sweep together, and she LOOOOVES wiping the windows with me, putting away laundry and dishes with me. I do give her the real items and surprisingly she doesn't drop the ceramic plates if I'm right there to grab them as soon as she's ready to hand them off, and I real quick take out the sharp knives as soon as I open the dishwasher.

And until this week I've had a cleaning lady once a month, who I would strategically schedule for before I was having people over.

So - basically it sounds like my setup is just easier than yours, by dumb luck! Does that make you feel better? Or worse! LOL. I forsee a rougher phase ahead of me - I just let the cleaning lady go, she's about to drop a nap I think, and she's getting more of an opinion about how to do things.


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## jecombs (Mar 6, 2008)

I feel your pain, Mama!
If I didn't get up earlier than my DH and DD, I wouldn't get a shower or even get my hair brushed until DD went down for her nap after lunch! I do WOTH and this is the only way I can get ready in the morning.
I pick DD up around 3:45 PM after work. We go home and play until about 5:30 PM, then I start cooking supper. If she is being holy terror (I know what you mean about the litter box!), I put her in the Ergo and wear her on my back while I cook. I feel like she's pretty safe back there, while I'm chopping and sauteing.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I had regularly washed hair when I had toddlers, but that's about it. Ironed clothes? Makeup?









Washing hair either involved showering WITH the baby, showering when another adult (or larger child, in the case of DS) watched the toddler(s) so I could shower, or I'd let DC run amok and destroy my house while I took 5 minutes of "me time".

Scrapbooking? My oldest is nearly 14 and I still don't have her baby pictures in photo albums. Cooking I've always made time for since I've always needed to eat, even if the toddler rejected my cooking (preferring to nurse, requiring me to eat even more.) But we didn't have gourmet meals! Sometimes it was mac n cheese with a bagged salad.


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## flutterbudget (Jun 29, 2006)

I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to say I'm right there with you! I just figure the happy, cared for LO is the important bit.


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## KD's Momma (Oct 24, 2004)

I don't know how others do it and there are days I look at people like that and think they must have a maid and 14 nannies!









But here is how I try to keep up with life. I have my clothes placed in "outfits" so that I can just grab the whole thing and not be looking in my closet forever. If anything needs to be ironed it goes to the cleaners, I barely have time to fold the clean clothes let alone iron them. If I can spray wrinkle releaser on it and make due then that helps. I don't wear makeup and only wash my hair about once a week - if it starts to look bad, I twirl it up on my head and put a clip in it. i plave the kids clothes in outfits also so that there is no fights about mis-matched clothes. I have a daily craft project from berry best preschool programs, that way we always have something fun to do if I can't get to something else. As far as cooking goes, well I am not really fond of that but I do try to cook extra on the weekend and feeze it so that during the week I have something to pull out on the days that I just can't get it done. I also just try to buy the best things out there - that are healthy but we do eat ckn hotdogs, little tortilla pizza's, yogurt, and cereal - Alot. The house gets cleaned when i have time here and there - my kids like to clean so they have their own vacumme and the can push a dust mop and my kids help - occasionally- pick up the toys before bed.

I don't do scrapbooking, I just have those pic albums that you slide the pics in and when I have time I slide them in.

I knit occasionally but I am still working on my 4yo baby blanket








But I can whip out a scarf pretty quick when needed.

I think you do the best that you can do at any given moment. And also try not to judge yourself by other people - which is really hard I know. If you and your family are doing well and happy - you have the most important things covered


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## gypsyhips26 (Feb 21, 2008)

I'm SO GLAD I'm not alone!









I have to start my day at 5:30-6 to get my shower in. As for ironing, well, I've been trying to do it all at once in bulk if you will, although most of the stuff I have I can give it a good shake & go ....makeup, I've never really worn that much- just some eyeliner & mascara and viola! (just enough so I don't look like the living dead)









And cooking...forget it. My LO doesn't want to eat much except raisins and waffles FOR-EVERY-MEAL. ugh.

Although it does help that my DH is awesome and will handle my DS while I cook on the weekends in bulk-soups, quiches, pasta sauce, etc.

Scrapbooking? Nope, no time. Knitting- well I've been working on the same project for like 10 months and have only 2 rows knitted....(the baby it was for will be off to college by the time I finish....)


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I have never ironed a thing in my life. I haven't touched my scrapbooking or craft stuff in 2 years (since my toddler was born) and my youngest has never had a professional picture done.

But I found routines, schedules and letting them help work wonders. I have him put the wet clothes in the dryer, dirty clothes in the washer. Folding is still an issue but I try to do that after the kids are asleep. I wohm so I get up way earlier and get completley ready before waking the kids. I totally abuse my lunch hour and do as much as possible them. I have him "wash" the dishes and he can take things out of the dishwasher and hand to me. He has special little jobs to do while I'm cooking. Like if I make something with potatoes, its his job to rinse the peels off and then put them in the chopper after I've sliced them.


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

Gosh, I wonder the same thing. My dd is 2.75 and it has only been in the last few months that I've been able to get a shower while I let her play computer games or watch a DVD. She doesn't play by herself so this is the best I can do. Make-up? Doesn't happen. Cooking? Well, we cook large batches of food on the weekends and just microwave portions for dinners, so dh and dd can both help with this part on Sunday afternoon. Our lunches with me and dd are very lowkey--mac n cheese, canned veggies, melted cheese on bread, crackers and avocado, canned fruit (dd won't eat fresh), chicken nuggets, sliced up turkey meatballs (you can buy these precooked), boiled eggs, etc. She likes to help with laundry and the other day she actually helped me vacuum for the first time ever. Usually, our apartment is tidy but definitely not dusted or spotless. I try and vacuum once every week or two but that's about it. DD loves cleaning the toilets so she helps out with this. However, all of this "helping" is fairly recent. Before that, it got done sporadically by me and dh whenever it got gross enough that we made time to do it. I always feel so down after I go to the mall or the park and I see these moms with perfectly styled hair, fashionable clothes, and full make-up, but I also remind myself that those moms are compromising somewhere. All of that takes up a lot of time that they are not spending with their kids . . . either that or lots of extra money to have someone else clean their houses, etc. A lot of these moms are the same ones whose kids have that shell-shocked look on their faces as they ride along strapped in to their strollers, as if they are used to being ignored. I know that's a judgment, but honestly, I can fully say that I've yet to see a well-groomed mother that I wanted to emulate. Doesn't mean she's not out there, just that I haven't met her.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

Shower? What's that? Just kidding... but seriously, I don't get one daily. Maybe every other day.

As for makeup... I'm getting ready to go buy some easier, quicker stuff. I know a lot of people love mineral powder or whatever because you just brush it on and you're done. I think I'll also buy a face stick... you know, the foundation on a stick? I figure I can put that on in the car when we're in the garage and monkey man is in the carseat and not hanging from the ceiling. My hair... it hasn't looked great in a while. It depends on the haircut I think. And I haven't found an awesome, flattering cut in some time. Generally, I take 10-15 minutes when I can find it and straiten my hair. If not, it looks like it'll be a "fashionably sloppy" ponytail day.

As for clothes... I tend to make it pretty easy on myself. I only buy things I think I look great in. That way, no matter what I wear out I'm good to go.

DS naps once a day and is in bed pretty early... usually by 7ish.

I do my sewing and such while he's asleep at night.

As for cleaning the house, I let him run around outside on our enclosed patio while I clean the kitchen and dining room. I let him play with my pots and pans while I clean the living room. He usually plays in his room while I clean the upstairs.

We still play together lots and do lots of activities, but I've found I feel so much more relaxed and have more energy if the house is put together somewhat, so I encourage him doing his own thing and playing by himself so I can keep up on my tasks.

As for food... yeah, that's the part I'm just at a loss for. He eats the SAME EXACT thing EVERY morning. Pancakes. At least 3. Sometimes as many as 5! And then the rest of the day... barely anything. I'm lucky to get him to eat a few pieces of cheese. And by bed time, I'm so desperate to get him to eat ANYTHING that I'll give him cheddar rice cakes which he loves just so he won't have an empty tummy. Unless I order a pizza. Then he'll gobble a couple of slices down.







Food is something I really, really need to work on with him.


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## angie7 (Apr 23, 2007)

I am a SAHM, disabled, with 2.5 year old twin girls. It has always been important to me that when I leave my home, my kids are dressed nicely, as well as myself. I have on nice clothes, full makeup and my hair fixed however I'm wearing it that day. My home is not always the most organized but it is always clean. I pick up at least 2-3 times a day, I have hardwood floors so they are super easy to clean. We only eat at the table so we don't get huge messes, just toys and such. I also have 4 dogs and 2 cats and have to vacuum (hubby does this) at least 2-3 times a week. Even when my twins were little I made it a point to have a clean home, homecooked meal everynite, etc. I think it is priorities. Somethings are more important to some then to others. And for those that is super important for, we manage to find the time to do it. My twins are going through a food strike right now, but I keep cooking the homecooked meals, sooner or later, it will kick back in. I refuse to let my kids eat only a hand ful of things, they will not starve themselves, they will eventually eat. I think by giving them what they want all the time, you are giving them the thought that they don't have to eat broccoli, that chicken nuggets are okay and they learn that if they don't eat broccoli, you will give in and they will get the CN. Just my thoughts on it.

*not saying those who don't clean , etc. are not a good mothers or whatever, just saying some chose other things to do over these b/c they don't feel it is most important,nothing wrong with that.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

I am VERY organized person so we have a schedule to allow mommy time to do her hair and makeup and be ready for the day. I am also a CLEAN FREAK (ok, I am seriously borderline OCD, honestly) and I am working hard to not be so nit picky about stuff. My girls are 16 months apart and are in love with each other. They play with each other and are best friends. This helps me out a LOT because I can clean quickly and get the morning chores done (we also live on a farm so there are those chores too!) and we do stuff together like pick up stuff, collect eggs and what not. I do give them stuff to play with while I fix my hair (they have my old hair dryer...not plugged in!, brush, comb, and they LOVE weighing themselves on the scale) so it is easy for me. Maybe suggest those things to do. My wardrobe sucks really bad, I need winter clothes badly, I literally have NONE, no sweaters or sweatshirts or anything. I hear ya about the clothes thing. It does get easier with the kids though, trust me. Mine are 1 and 2 and things have gotten a LOT easier. Good luck mama.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

I also remind myself that those moms are compromising somewhere. All of that takes up a lot of time that they are not spending with their kids . . . either that or lots of extra money to have someone else clean their houses, etc. A lot of these moms are the same ones whose kids have that shell-shocked look on their faces as they ride along strapped in to their strollers, as if they are used to being ignored. I know that's a judgment, but honestly, I can fully say that I've yet to see a well-groomed mother that I wanted to emulate. Doesn't mean she's not out there, just that I haven't met her.
Yikes! I don't have the option of going to work unshowered in my pjs. I have to work, I have to cook most meals from scratch because of allergies. Having people look at me and think I'm ignoring my kids because I have makeup on disgusts me.

I would love to be too busy playing with my kids to take a shower. But unfortunately, that's not a reality for me and alot of other moms.

Seriously, for all the crap that moms judge each other so harshly on, this one wasn't even on my radar.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LuxPerpetua* 
I always feel so down after I go to the mall or the park and I see these moms with perfectly styled hair, fashionable clothes, and full make-up, but I also remind myself that those moms are compromising somewhere. All of that takes up a lot of time that they are not spending with their kids . . . either that or lots of extra money to have someone else clean their houses, etc. A lot of these moms are the same ones whose kids have that shell-shocked look on their faces as they ride along strapped in to their strollers, as if they are used to being ignored. I know that's a judgment, but honestly, I can fully say that I've yet to see a well-groomed mother that I wanted to emulate. Doesn't mean she's not out there, just that I haven't met her.

*Well then LuxPerpetua let me introduce myself.* I am a stay at home mom, and I play with my kids while it takes me 25 minutes to do my hair and makeup and dress (I have timed myself !) and I think of myself as well-groomed and I manage to interact with my children ALL DAY LONG without the shell shock look. I think that was judgmental of you to say because I don't know about other moms who are well-groomed think (and that is up to each other to decide what that exactly means) but I work my a$$ off being very attentive and yet I want to look good. Just because I want to be neat and tidy and appear my best. Geez, lady why is that so bad?


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## lotus.blossom (Mar 1, 2005)

Nice to meet you too LuxPerpetua. Look at the picture of me in my sig. Am I one of "those" moms? (for the record I don't always straighten my hair)

Television. I take a shower while my DS watches Curious George.

But my house hasn't been clean since he turned about 1. Its impossible to pick up when he is undoing it all. But in those houses with the made up mamas and the spotless highchairs? Check the closets and spare room. I always have a secret room that is in shambles that I can close off to company and myself when I am feeling stressed.









And as for makeup- minerals totally rock. I never get around to washing them off and they make my face look smooth even the day after! (Till I get that shower)


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lotus.blossom* 
But my house hasn't been clean since he turned about 1. Its impossible to pick up when he is undoing it all. *But in those houses with the made up mamas and the spotless highchairs? Check the closets and spare room. I always have a secret room that is in shambles that I can close off to company and myself when I am feeling stressed.*









Shhhhhhh don't give away the secrets!!!!!!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I think there are two types of children: those that facilitate grooming whilst awake, and those that necessitate grooming whilst naps. Substitute grooming for whatever else, and you've got my philosophy in a nutshell.
I also think that a lot of this has to do with innate style- some women can put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and look put-together, especially if they throw some makeup on quickly. Others of us could spend hours in the mirror and still not get it right. I reckon if you saw those mothers 10 years ago, or 20 years in the future, there'd still be an element of being well put-together. If you look closely, I don't think that ironing ever features most of the time.
I can't do this- but I can recognise those who have this innate flair. More credit to them.


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## gypsyhips26 (Feb 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Shhhhhhh don't give away the secrets!!!!!!

















:

i also don't have the option to go to work unshowered in my pjs....that might get me laid off for sure!









and I wish didn't have to strap my little guy in the stroller everyday on the way to daycare-running down the street at 8am everyday, but that's how it is. I do wear him on the weekends when I can, but all of us mamas are doing our best and is it really fair to judge a mama who likes to go out of the house put-together with a little war-paint on (as my granny says) and look sharp, even in jeans & a t-shirt. I think it helps us who are doing a million things at once feel a little more human no?

After all what's wrong with being a hot mama?


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

I think it's a question of priorities. For some people it's their appearance, for others it's a healthy meal, for some it's a spotless house, etc.
I highly doubt there is anyone who can do ALL of those things with multiple kids without a nanny and still pay attention to their kids. And if they say they can, well, they're either lying or never sleeping.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganf* 
I think it's a question of priorities. For some people it's their appearance, for others it's a healthy meal, for some it's a spotless house, etc.
I highly doubt there is anyone who can do ALL of those things with multiple kids without a nanny and still pay attention to their kids. And if they say they can, well, they're either lying or never sleeping.

It takes WORK to get it all done. Yes, my house is clean (not spotless, but clean) laundry is done, and I cook organic. My secret? I get up early (5 a.m.) to get the chores done before the kids get up. That is how I compromise. I give up sleep to get a head start. That way I don't have to compromise time with my children. I quit a DAMN good nursing job full time to stay home (I still work as an RN on the weekends when DH is home.) It is VERY important to me to with my kids all the time and I do manage to have a clean house and wear "war paint" at the same time. I hate to sound bitchy, but this is a subject close to my heart. I work VERY hard to accomplish all these things. I am a go-getter, always have been, and my girls mean the world to me.

Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with a hot mama!







:


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
It takes WORK to get it all done. Yes, my house is clean (not spotless, but clean) laundry is done, and I cook organic. My secret? I get up early (5 a.m.) to get the chores done before the kids get up. That is how I compromise. I give up sleep to get a head start. That way I don't have to compromise time with my children. I quit a DAMN good nursing job full time to stay home (I still work as an RN on the weekends when DH is home.) It is VERY important to me to with my kids all the time and I do manage to have a clean house and wear "war paint" at the same time. I hate to sound bitchy, but this is a subject close to my heart. I work VERY hard to accomplish all these things. I am a go-getter, always have been, and my girls mean the world to me.

Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with a hot mama!







:

How do you keep from getting sick when you cut down on sleep? I've tried to do this but I end up very, very sick. Like lie-down-now-or-go-to-the-hospital sick. Nothing but sleep has this effect-- not nutrition nor exercise nor anything else.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
How do you keep from getting sick when you cut down on sleep? I've tried to do this but I end up very, very sick. Like lie-down-now-or-go-to-the-hospital sick. Nothing but sleep has this effect-- not nutrition nor exercise nor anything else.

I go to bed early, around 9p.m. DH has to leave for work early too so he goes to bed early as well around 10 p.m. so I do get sleep, plenty in fact. I grew up on a farm, live on a farm now, so we get up EARLY, always have. It is not a big deal to me. I cannot sleep past 6 a.m. anyway. The girls rise around 7:30 or 8 so I have time to get a head start so to speak. Seems like such a waste of time lying in bed...


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angie7* 
I am a SAHM, disabled, with 2.5 year old twin girls. It has always been important to me that when I leave my home, my kids are dressed nicely, as well as myself. I have on nice clothes, full makeup and my hair fixed however I'm wearing it that day. My home is not always the most organized but it is always clean. I pick up at least 2-3 times a day, I have hardwood floors so they are super easy to clean. We only eat at the table so we don't get huge messes, just toys and such. I also have 4 dogs and 2 cats and have to vacuum (hubby does this) at least 2-3 times a week. Even when my twins were little I made it a point to have a clean home, homecooked meal everynite, etc. I think it is priorities. Somethings are more important to some then to others. And for those that is super important for, we manage to find the time to do it. My twins are going through a food strike right now, but I keep cooking the homecooked meals, sooner or later, it will kick back in. I refuse to let my kids eat only a hand ful of things, they will not starve themselves, they will eventually eat. I think by giving them what they want all the time, you are giving them the thought that they don't have to eat broccoli, that chicken nuggets are okay and they learn that if they don't eat broccoli, you will give in and they will get the CN. Just my thoughts on it.

*not saying those who don't clean , etc. are not a good mothers or whatever, just saying some chose other things to do over these b/c they don't feel it is most important,nothing wrong with that.

Could you give more specifics please? If it's a matter of priorities, what exactly are you giving up in order to accomplish all you describe? For example, you mention hardwood floors being easier to clean-- I am interested in more about how you manage all this. If you are disabled, does it not hurt your arms to brush your hair and put on makeup? Do you use painkillers so it doesn't? If it's a matter of "what is important," what exactly is not important that you don't do instead, that you think others might prioritize?

OP, one thing I do is I take my ironing to the dry cleaners. They aren't free but since I have to look not-too-rumpled even for my casual work and school, and I know I will never iron, that's how it goes.

I've also noticed that a lot of women (with or without children) who look very put-together all the time, have either very straight or very curly hair. Those of us whose hair is in-between tend to require more effort not to look rumpled.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
I go to bed early, around 9p.m. DH has to leave for work early too so he goes to bed early as well around 10 p.m. so I do get sleep, plenty in fact. I grew up on a farm, live on a farm now, so we get up EARLY, always have. It is not a big deal to me. I cannot sleep past 6 a.m. anyway. The girls rise around 7:30 or 8 so I have time to get a head start so to speak. Seems like such a waste of time lying in bed...

OK, then.... How do you get your kids to sleep for that long???? Are they still napping during the day? Do they stay up late?


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
OK, then.... How do you get your kids to sleep for that long???? Are they still napping during the day? Do they stay up late?

Ummm no, I would never go to bed unless my girls were in bed. They take an afternoon nap from 1-3 p.m. They go to bed at 8 p.m. sometimes they are asking to go earlier. They sleep like rocks without waking at night.


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## seawind (Sep 28, 2007)

I used to get mildly stressed about this, but not anymore. I do admire women who manage a lot within limited time, I think a lot of it has also to do with self-discipline. For the first year after my child was born I was doing way more than I can manage with an active toddler now.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Ummm no, I would never go to bed unless my girls were in bed. They take an afternoon nap from 1-3 p.m. They go to bed at 8 p.m. sometimes they are asking to go earlier. They sleep like rocks without waking at night.

I didn't mean I thought you were leaving them to roam the house alone at night! I am one of the posters, like the OP, who is genuinely looking for tips because I feel I don't look put-together enough at work. I thought maybe your DH was putting them to bed, since you said he goes to bed about an hour later than you.

So DS usually naps for an hour and a half during the day, goes to bed at 8:30 or 9 (he asks to go up earlier most of the time, but never falls asleep before then and I have to stay with him the whole time), and wakes up for the day between 6 and 7. He is clearly well-rested. I suppose there is no hope.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I didn't mean I thought you were leaving them to roam the house alone at night! I am one of the posters, like the OP, who is genuinely looking for tips because I feel I don't look put-together enough at work. I thought maybe your DH was putting them to bed, since you said he goes to bed about an hour later than you.

So DS usually naps for an hour and a half during the day, goes to bed at 8:30 or 9 (he asks to go up earlier most of the time, but never falls asleep before then), and wakes up for the day between 6 and 7. He is clearly well-rested. I suppose there is no hope.









Oh there is hope! Wanna know what helped me? I chopped my hair. I have that Victoria Beckham cut and LOVE it! Easy to do. It takes me about 10 minutes to blow dry and style, and another 10 minutes for makeup and then to dress. Maybe try a different style that is easier to do. I would have never cut my hair on my own, my stylist insisted I do it and I listened to her for once. That helped me a LOT! I guess another thing for me at work (only on weekends) is that since I am an RN I get to wear scrubs all day so I don't have to worry about a wardrobe. Good luck with ya! PM if you need any more tips. I try to help out when I can. Gotta run, kids are up.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I think its entirely possible to have a house that isn't a sty, put yourself together, take care of your kids, do laundry and cook from scratch.

Not every second of your child's day needs to be spent on the floor playing with their toys. Lots of quality time can be spent at the kitchen counter. I agree, doing things while your kids are sleeping works wonders. If they have a predictable sleep schedule.


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## sewaneecook (Nov 1, 2005)

I'm a better mom when I am showered, dressed, and have on make-up (I can do all this in 15 minutes if necessary). If I don't get a shower, I don't function as well for the day. DS eats his breakfast in his booster seat in the bathroom while I get ready for the day. I am able to keep a clean house by making it a game with DS. He loves to play with a broom, mop, scrub brush, or rag and "help" me clean the bathroom and kitchen. My house has no carpet in it and the wood floors are sooo easy to keep clean (at least compared to carpet). DS also likes to help me cook dinner (as well as a 2 year old can) or he likes to play with some water in the sink as I prepare a meal. I make food in bulk and we do lots of left-overs and homemade freezer meals. DS's life threatening allergies make eating out almost impossible. We also have very minimal toys that are kept out and are easily picked up by throwing them in easily accessible baskets. I don't like clutter (it's more to dust around!







) and I prefer the minimalist look when it comes to decor.

It helps that DS is a very easy toddler and DH is as much of a neat freak as I am! I have a cleaning routine that only takes an hour to clean bathrooms, dust, vacuum, and mop once each week. I pick up toys and do a general pick-up at the end of each day before going to bed (which takes about 10 minutes). I am a born-organizer and it has really come in handy after having DS.

(Don't look in my hall closet ... it's a breeding ground for clutter!







)


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

OP, I always shower with DS, at night. But I never showered every day in the first place. My skin is too dry. I sponge-bathe on other days.


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
I think there are two types of children: those that facilitate grooming whilst awake, and those that necessitate grooming whilst naps. Substitute grooming for whatever else, and you've got my philosophy in a nutshell.
I also think that a lot of this has to do with innate style- some women can put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and look put-together, especially if they throw some makeup on quickly. Others of us could spend hours in the mirror and still not get it right. I reckon if you saw those mothers 10 years ago, or 20 years in the future, there'd still be an element of being well put-together. If you look closely, I don't think that ironing ever features most of the time.
I can't do this- but I can recognise those who have this innate flair. More credit to them.


Hmm, there is a lot of truth in this I think. Even when I have time (like when my husband is here) I don't feel put together. Some of it is my lack of time to get a haircut often or go shopping for the perfect clothes, but most of it is just me. I've always been sort of thrown together and disorganized. These "perfect" moms I see were probably the "perfect" girls in high school and college and will be those grandmas who age well with the stylish hair, handbag & boots. Sucks I've been comparing myself to them since I was about 12 years old!

There are some really great suggestions on this thread though. Silly people need to get defensive about looking good. I know what the PP meant about some of the mommies though. I think in our culture sometimes things get warped and I see that when a woman starves herself to get back in her size 2 jeans right after the birth of her child, then has to have the latest $400 baby coat, nanny & housecleaner. Sometimes these kids do look a little shell shocked. But I don't really have jealous feelings because I don't think these types of mommies are really happy either. Much too much stress.

I guess I just didn't want to feel totally alone. It's funny--the past 3-4 houses I visited for playdates were so perfect I just had to wonder...and at one of them the mom had prepared this really fancy lunch for 10 mommies and babies. I was starting to feel really bad and then I went to the last house a couple weeks ago and there were crumbs everywhere! And handprints on the windows! And a dirty high chair! I felt so happy.

I agree that it's downhill after the child turns 1. My house was totally fine, I looked pretty good and everything until 13-14 months. I really hope it gets easy again in the late toddler stage.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

One other question: when I try to hide clutter in a closet, DH has panic attacks because he "can't find anything and I left this super-important document RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE COUCH AND NOW I AM GOING TO FLUB THIS MEETING AND MY CAREER IS RUINED AAAAHHHHHH AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR CLEANING UP!" Does this happen to you?


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

The only mom I ever knew who always had ironed clothes and perfect hair and makeup was very wealthy and had a full time nanny even though she was a SAHM. So I have to guess that these people have help on a regular basis.

And about the clean house? If they know you're coming, of course they will clean the house! Drop in on them unannounced one day and see what the house looks like then...


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## inkedmamajama (Jan 3, 2003)

i dont know how they do it either.

today i went to the dmv with no bra, sweatpants, greasy hair in a ponytail, and the toddler in her jammies-so i could register to vote before the deadline-it was the only way it was going to get done!

(now that my older kids are home, though-i FINALLY have time to shower, etc...but nowhere to go! haha)


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
It takes WORK to get it all done. Yes, my house is clean (not spotless, but clean) laundry is done, and I cook organic. My secret? I get up early (5 a.m.) to get the chores done before the kids get up. That is how I compromise. I give up sleep to get a head start. That way I don't have to compromise time with my children. I quit a DAMN good nursing job full time to stay home (I still work as an RN on the weekends when DH is home.) It is VERY important to me to with my kids all the time and I do manage to have a clean house and wear "war paint" at the same time. I hate to sound bitchy, but this is a subject close to my heart. I work VERY hard to accomplish all these things. I am a go-getter, always have been, and my girls mean the world to me.

Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with a hot mama!







:









I do the opposite and do a lot of the cleaning like laundry and dishes at night after everyone is sleeping. I go to bed around 12am and get up at 7am every day. That's plenty of sleep for me! Coffee sure helps in the morning though....

You do have to have the motivation and work ethic to do "everything" you want to do. I've gotten incredulous looks all season long about how on earth do I have time to be canning and preserving food, but I make it a priority, and if that means sitting up past 1am waiting for whatever's in the canner to finish processing, so be it. I love making healthy, yummy food for my family to eat, so I'll happily be sleep deprived the next day! You just have to *want* to do it.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Same question to you then-- how do you keep from getting sick when you don't sleep?


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
One other question: when I try to hide clutter in a closet, DH has panic attacks because he "can't find anything and I left this super-important document RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE COUCH AND NOW I AM GOING TO FLUB THIS MEETING AND MY CAREER IS RUINED AAAAHHHHHH AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR CLEANING UP!" Does this happen to you?

Ha...totally! Every time. My husband had this special spot on top of the printer (??) on the computer table for his recent bills. Basically it was a huge mess but it made sense to him. I moved them to a drawer and he freaked out and put them back all over the table and computer because when they are in drawer he can't SEE THEM to REMEMBER them or something.

When I clean his clothes off his special pile on the chair to wash them he freaks out because he can't find his sweatpants or whatever.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Same question to you then-- how do you keep from getting sick when you don't sleep?

She's a different person.

I think that's one of the biggest components missing from conversations like these. _We are all different people_. Some of us simply won't be able to "do it all" -- we need too much sleep, we're introverts, whatever. Some of us can -- we do fine on less sleep, we thrive on activity, whatever. AND we all have different kids. Some kids do great helping, and even if their "help" makes things take longer, we can still get it done. Others simply refuse, and _will_ break every dish in the house if given the opportunity. No matter how much we try to work with them, we will never be able get things _done_ while they're awake. And our kids need different amounts of sleep, too.

Both the attitude of "if you can look great, you must be slacking elsewhere" AND "anyone can do this if they try hard enough" are just plain wrong. We're all different people. There is no universal solution.

Also remember that we all have good days and not-so-good days. No one always has perfect days, no matter how much it may seem like that to those of us on the outside looking in.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

I'm returning this thread. Some things have been removed.

Please stick to the user agreement and be supportive of each other rather than judgemental.

Allgirls


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## donutmolly (Jun 9, 2005)

I've really enjoyed this thread -- I'd love to be a put together mama, but since I wasn't much of a put-together pre-kids gal, I doubt the kids are helping me any!

So much seems to come down to sleep. My first DD slept like crap until she was two -- I was lucky to be vertical, nevermind showered, etc. My second DD has been better, but still not fabulous. Now at 9 months, she's sleeping in longer stretches and I don't have to go in every 15 minutes at night to nurse her back to sleep. It's way easier to get housecleaning and chores done with those couple of hours at night.

Also, I think a reality is that we all need different amounts of sleep to function. I myself do not function well on less than 8 hours sleep, but DH could get by easily on 5 hours. I try not to beat myself up because I'm not him. Nor am I my super-organized friend who has 3 kids closely spaced together, and seems to manage it all much better than me. I guess I probably have some strength she doesn't, so it all balances out.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Now I'm going to post my own.

I don't make my appearance a tidy home a "priority" in that it's more important overall than my children.

What I do make a priority is burnout prevention and a part of that is taking care of my appearance.

I don't shower every day...every other day or baths with the kids.

I spend approximately 10-15 minutes on my appearance every day..that's it..that's what I do provided it's not a day when kids are sick etc. and I count any time I take for myself to be for my kids.

Here are the things I do for myself.

I wear make up every singe day..this does not take much work. I wear moisturizer, mineral makeup, blush, mineral powder, mascara and a lip moisturizer. If I go out I put on lipstick. I apply it at this desk while checking email/mdc in the morning









I have nice casual clothes, nothing fancy..jeans and a shirt/blouse. If I'm going to playgroup that's my uniform for example.

Every couple of weeks I wax my eyebrows etc.

Every two weeks I get gel nails(it's more about the hour and a half chat with another woman than the nails although I do like them)

I wear blazers instead of casual jackets a lot. I have a lot left from my career days and they really dress up jeans and a shirt. This is probably the BEST trick I learned. I saw a mom dressed like this one day and went "hey..I have all those jackets"

I wear BIG earings..big silver hoops and I have big white gold jewellry..nothing over $50 though..just some nice gift pieces I've gotten over the years.

I've started running every other day. My oldest babysits the younger two. Because I'm fitter now I find I sleep better and I don't need as much sleep. A great benefit.

I have a semi clean house most of the time. Bathrooms and kitchens are clean. Everything beyond that is clutter and dust, not dirt and germs so they are not as important. I keep surfaces cleared..no clutter on the counters, no stuff all over the vanities. I try no to have to much stuff because I hate cleaning it.

I have a smallish house that we had custom built for our family. Everything on the main floor is right there. While the kids are bathing I clean the bathroom mirrors and toilets etc. I can do this while engaging with them.

I can clean the kitchen as they play right there in the living room...we are often playing and chatting as I clean.

I am fortunate..my kids play very well together, rarely fight and I do get to do stuff.

I am available..it's about availability. If i'm cleaning the bathroom I'm available.

If I'm cleaning the floors I'm right there.

My oldest will watch the little ones while I go upstairs and tidy. I don't keep the upstairs as tidy as the downstairs but I try to make all the beds and throw all the laundry into the laundry room(in my house the laundryroom is upstairs off the bedrooms...best thing ever
















I spend a LOT of time with my kids. I'm always available. We live in our house. It's not spotless but I've had people say to me "Your house is always immaculate, how do you do it?"









And I moderate here in between all of that. And I write. We go to playgroups. We go for walks every day weather permitting. We go to the park.

Cooking..I make salad every single day. I don't make everything from scratch but my kids eat a pretty balanced diet. They eat fruit daily. They get icecream sometimes. Today they didn't. They get homemade cookies frequently. Sometimes they don't.

Oh..and my second older daughter is in Musical theatre and I volunteered to organise six meals for an 80 person cast.

I'm busy and I like it this way. I get bored easily so this is how I keep busy.

I have 4 girls(one is out of the house now) and 2 are in school..one every other day.

When they were little it wasn't as easy..I didn't write, I didn't moderate, I didn't run, I didn't do a lot of things. But I always wore makeup, dressed well and tried to keep the house clean and tidy.

No matter what though, the kids are my priority. I am always available and often engaged.

I've been at this 18 years though..so I think I just hit my groove.

It's not easy but it's well worth it.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 

I am available..it's about availability. If i'm cleaning the bathroom I'm available.

I'm sorry I keep nit-picking at everything, but I really want to make some changes in my life and I need all the help I can get. So, when you only had one toddler, how did you handle this? If I were in the bathroom cleaning DS would be tearing up and throwing around all the TP, drinking the soap, and drowning himself in the toilet. Sometimes I can shut him out with a baby gate so I'm still "available" while he can't get in to tear the place up and kill himself, but he does stand outside the gate and cry. It seems like CIO.

ETA: in answer to the obvious question, when I have to go to the bathroom and DH isn't around to keep him out, I either just shut him out-- since it isn't as long as cleaning would take-- or I let him tear up the toilet paper.


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I think its entirely possible to have a house that isn't a sty, put yourself together, take care of your kids, do laundry and cook from scratch.

Not every second of your child's day needs to be spent on the floor playing with their toys. Lots of quality time can be spent at the kitchen counter. I agree, doing things while your kids are sleeping works wonders. If they have a predictable sleep schedule.









Exactly what I was thinking.

I think the key, with toddlers and bigger kids, is to be alongside them, maybe working the in the same room or close by, enabling them to play, chatting, giving hugs, whenever they need you, but definitely focusing on some other things and making sure your child is able to entertain itself at least for a few minutes, with a toy or book or bowl and spoon.

No one is perfect. I get help once in a while with housecleaning from my neighbour- to do windows and that kind of thing, and am eternally grateful for that.

IMO, AP parenting, when taken really seriously, can get a little extreme sometimes - at some point your child has to develop a bit of independence. NOT at ALL saying - leave it alone for hours, ignore it, park it in front of DVDs all day - but teaching your child slowly to be able to play and do things for themselves. Young toddlers can be really hard this way, because they just feel like they need mama ALL.The.Time. But part of that stage of life for a child is starting to realize that they are not the center of the universe. They need to know they are very important to you, of course, but the whole entire world doesn't revolve around them.

Making sure your LO has a decent nap is good too, and that can be taught gently - it's just hard work, but worth it, IMO. I do find that if my dd (my toddler at the moment) is tired, she becomes much more clingy. The boys were like that too. Really, really, they need a lot of sleep between ages 1 and 2, and they sometimes try to avoid that, but it's really important for everyone's mental health.

what allgirls listed is fantastic. love it. i am not in that groove right now because i have an infant, and i do find the first 4 or 5 months to be really really hectic (plus dh has been working 7 days a week all day since ds was born, with a very few exceptions).


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I'm sorry I keep nit-picking at everything, but I really want to make some changes in my life and I need all the help I can get. So, when you only had one toddler, how did you handle this? If I were in the bathroom cleaning DS would be tearing up and throwing around all the TP, drinking the soap, and drowning himself in the toilet. Sometimes I can shut him out with a baby gate so I'm still "available" while he can't get in to tear the place up and kill himself, but he does stand outside the gate and cry. It seems like CIO.

ETA: in answer to the obvious question, when I have to go to the bathroom and DH isn't around to keep him out, I either just shut him out-- since it isn't as long as cleaning would take-- or I let him tear up the toilet paper.

I think she mentioned that she cleans the bathroom while her LO's are bathing in the tub. Maybe that is an option for you?


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I'm sorry I keep nit-picking at everything, but I really want to make some changes in my life and I need all the help I can get. So, when you only had one toddler, how did you handle this? If I were in the bathroom cleaning DS would be tearing up and throwing around all the TP, drinking the soap, and drowning himself in the toilet. Sometimes I can shut him out with a baby gate so I'm still "available" while he can't get in to tear the place up and kill himself, but he does stand outside the gate and cry. It seems like CIO.

ETA: in answer to the obvious question, when I have to go to the bathroom and DH isn't around to keep him out, I either just shut him out-- since it isn't as long as cleaning would take-- or I let him tear up the toilet paper.

Well I have two that bathe together..so I clean the bathroom while they do that. If my child was doing what you describe, she'd be in the ergo on my back while I clean the bathroom.

Sounds like your toddler is still pretty young. At that age, yeah, in the ergo or during her nap.

Eta..I did a lot of cleaning with a baby on my back...I'd forgotten that. I also did cooking that way.

Now though, they are almost 3 and 5(and 14 and 18) so it's evolved to this.


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## MamieCole (Jun 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
She's a different person.

I think that's one of the biggest components missing from conversations like these. _We are all different people_. Some of us simply won't be able to "do it all" -- we need too much sleep, we're introverts, whatever. Some of us can -- we do fine on less sleep, we thrive on activity, whatever. AND we all have different kids. Some kids do great helping, and even if their "help" makes things take longer, we can still get it done. Others simply refuse, and _will_ break every dish in the house if given the opportunity. No matter how much we try to work with them, we will never be able get things _done_ while they're awake. And our kids need different amounts of sleep, too.

Both the attitude of "if you can look great, you must be slacking elsewhere" AND "anyone can do this if they try hard enough" are just plain wrong. We're all different people. There is no universal solution.

Also remember that we all have good days and not-so-good days. No one always has perfect days, no matter how much it may seem like that to those of us on the outside looking in.









:


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

I think a lot of people hire cleaners (I'm not one of them, and you can tell







)

I shower before dh leaves for work or I turn on the TV and jump in for 5 minutes. That started when ds was 18 months. Oh and the way I get makeup on is, ds hasto put it on too, heehee. He often has a streak of eyeshadow down his cheek









I don't iron clothes and I only clean what REALLY needs it. My mom helps me with cleaning a lot. She does the hard stuff. Dh helps with stuff too, dishes kitty litter, laundry, tidying up. If I bug him enough he'll clean the bathroom.

I've been blessed with a kid that isn't too picky. He eats up all veggies except onions, mushrooms and zucchini, but sometimes ketchup has to be used to get some of his usual favorates down.
Some things he helps cook and some things he doesn't and he just plays in the kitchen while I'm cooking.
He'll play cars, playdough, playmobile, blocks.

We do crafts but depending on what it is, there are certain rules. Markers are only used when I'm right there, once we are done they go away. Painting is done in the kitchen or outside. He's obsessed with cutting stuff paper, so that can be done anywhere, but I'm still right there and its a big mess after (little tiny paper pieces all over)


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

I don't iron.

If I were to hire help it would be cleaning. I cannot understand why people hire someone to watch the kids for a few hours so they can clean...I'd get someone to clean and take the kids out for a few hours..they are fun..cleaning sucks.


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

My first child was a walking tornado - he couldn't pass through a room without creating a mess. I used to wonder how people did it. Then I had DD and now I think, oh, so this is how other people do it - they have kids like this. She plays with a toy and puts it away. I didn't teach her, it is just her style. Quite shocking to me. Kids personalities definitely plays a part.

Also, are you dropping in unexpectedly to these clean houses, or have you been invited over? Most of my friends have no idea how my house normally looks because they don't just drop-in and when I invite people over I spend several hours cleaning up before they get there. But the clean house they see is not our normal state.

I think we see the good parts of others and don't notice the bad, and then we lump it all together. You probably know some moms who are really put together and some moms whose houses are spotless and some moms who scrapbook and other moms who knit or read or volunteer, but there probably are many fewer moms truly doing all these things every day or week than you know.

Good luck shutting up that little voice in your head that makes you feel bad - I struggle with it too, but I've been hearing it less and less as I get older and older.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

I am one of those moms that has make-up, put together outfits (FYI, I don't iron), a clean house, and home-cooked meals. I have worked it into my day.

To get ready in the morning, I will sometimes get up 15mins early to take a shower. I then get my girls up. I BF the youngest while the older is making her bed and brushing her hair. I fix them breakfast and put on make-up and dry my hair while they eat. Our master bedroom is downstairs, so I can constantly check on them while I get ready. If I do not get up early, I will do our morning routine with breakfast. I will take a shower afterward by throwing them in the tub while I shower. We have a seperate shower and tub, and I look right into the tub while I shower. I will do my make-up while they finish playing in the tub. I take them out, dry their hair, and then dry my own. We all get dressed together.

My secret to clothes looking put together is that I have staple elements. I have several pairs of jeans or casual bottoms with numerous tops. A lot of my tops are solid colors. I like to play up simple outfits with a few fun accersories that I can easily toss on. Boom, instant "look". My other secret is that I ALWAYS pull my clothes out of the dryer immediately when they are done and fold or hang them. This eliminates any need for ironing. It is a rare occasion that I need to iron.

For a clean house, I declutter all the time. That seems to be the biggest thing to making my house look nice. I get the kids to help with putting their toys away before lunch and before dinner. My DSD has her own set of chores when she is here that includes cleaning her bathroom, emptying the litter box bin (we have an automatic box--highly worth the money), emptying trash cans, and vacuuming once a weekend. I also do the majority of my cleaning in the evening when the kids go down. My DH works nights, so I am home alone during that time. The only real things I do in the day when they are up is one load of laundry first thing in the morning and staying on top of keeping the kitchen tidy.

For meals, I do a lot of meal planning. I prep as much as I can the night before once the kids are in bed. This makes it pretty simple to just toss a meal together in the evening. I like to do a lot of things that are prep and forget it type things. I try to keep them simple and nutritious. When I am in the kitchen I really like to get the girls invloved with helping me in age appropriate ways. They grab things from the pantry or toss trash. They love to set the table, too.

I guess, I am able to do all these things because I build it into the day. It does not take priority over my children, but it is important to me that it gets done. There are specific things like putting on make-up and working out that are strictly must-do's for me so that I feel better about myself and help me be a better mom.


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## MommyMichele (May 2, 2006)

Okay, I haven't posted anything in weeks though I have still been reading MDC a few times a week. But just the subject line made me







and I have to respond before I even read the whole thread. Just to commiserate.









Just this morning I was thinking I should give up on having a neat house until my children are much older. Um, when do children learn to be neat?

I don't remember if my kids ages are in my sig, and this post needs them: my girls are 7 and 4 and my son is 23 months.


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## Mamabeakley (Jul 9, 2004)

Okay, so I really liked what Arwyn said.

My DS1 is a high-needs person. Always has been, I expect always will be. "Available" means something different with a high-needs kid. He took a year to learn to play by himself at all (from age 2.5 - 3.5). He is uninterested in following me around and doing what I am doing with me. He wants me to follow him around and do what he is doing with him. From day 1 through now 4+ years later. I don't anticipate this changing - what does change as he gets older is his ability to be a self and not _need_ me to follow him around ALL OF THE TIME.

DS2 is much more "normal". I can see that if he were my only (or DS1 were more like him) I would have time for much more self/house care and/or work while w/kids. He likes to go along with whatever I'm doing, played by himself around 18 months, etc.

I honestly think that moms who have never had a high-needs kid (or known one up close) may have a hard time comprehending the level of demand that moms of high-needs kids are having to meet. We are ALL prioritizing our children and ourselves. But prioritizing my DS1 takes a WHOLE lot more work than prioritizing my DS2.

For me, another part of the "clean house" aspect of things is that my house is tiny. There is nowhere to stick the extra stuff/mess. WYSIWYG. And it's a disaster most of the time. For it not to be, my kids would have to sit still on their hands and be seen but not heard. Or be outside, I guess. A friend said the nicest thing to me today - "your house is so kid friendly!" And it is, but it's not very anything else friendly!

As to self-care - different things make different people feel cared for. Makeup is totally irrelevant to my sense of well-being. Showers, food, time to journal and read meditatively, decent clothing without stains, a reasonable haircut, time to talk with friends on the phone, and at least occasionally adult time w/DH are really important for me. Oh, and sleep. I can function on 6 for a few days, do okay on 8, and feel really human on 10. It's just how I am. I would love to only need 5 or 6, but it's not how I am.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

They're probably not always well-groomed and spotless - just assume you've caught those women on a really well-put-together day.

I have a 2 yo, 3 cats and a DH. I *should* vacuum probably every day or every other. We're lucky if it gets done once a week. Every other week? Eh, it's no big deal to me. DD is beyond the eating off the floor stage, so it's not a priority.

I don't buy clothes that need to be ironed, and my hair was last cut, what 4-5 months ago? Eh, just not a priority.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

No matter what though, the kids are my priority. I am always available and often engaged.
Yep. And I've found with my kid, he's alot more open and talkative if he's doing something alongside me. This isn't true of my youngest so I think it takes a little while to get into your groove and figure out what works for you and your child. And what's important to do.

Beyond that I should just follow allgirls around and say yeah that.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 

Eta..I did a lot of cleaning with a baby on my back...I'd forgotten that. I also did cooking that way.


How long do you have to keep this up until they stop fighting it?


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## inkedmamajama (Jan 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 

Both the attitude of "if you can look great, you must be slacking elsewhere" AND "anyone can do this if they try hard enough" are just plain wrong. We're all different people. There is no universal solution.

thank you for this! it is SO true.


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## angie7 (Apr 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Could you give more specifics please? If it's a matter of priorities, what exactly are you giving up in order to accomplish all you describe? For example, you mention hardwood floors being easier to clean-- I am interested in more about how you manage all this. If you are disabled, does it not hurt your arms to brush your hair and put on makeup? Do you use painkillers so it doesn't? If it's a matter of "what is important," what exactly is not important that you don't do instead, that you think others might prioritize?

I am not on any meds by choice. There is no cure for all that I have only lots of narcotic meds (morphine and methodone is the common prescribed for what I have) and I do not wish to do that to my body. I manage my pain with vitamins, a healthy diet, and a positive attitude. No it doesn't hurt too much to do my hair or put make up on. I don't wear much make up so it doesn't take me long to do it (eye liner, shadow, and mascara). I don't really have to give up much as far as spending time with my kids. Now that they are older, they help me pick up their toys. When they were younger, they really didn't make much of a mess so it wasn't hard to pick up after them. Cooking dinner is just a thing that I do to make me feel important to my family. I kinda feel like a 3rd wheel with being limited on what I can do but cooking a good meal makes me feel better. And as far as "dressing up" when I go out, that makes me feel good about myself. I don't really think that I sacrifice anything to keep my house clean. Like I said, it isn't the absolute eat off the floor house (especially with multiple pets) but it's clean. I spend most of the time my kids are up playing with them, coloring, reading books, playing with our kitten, finger painting, etc. 95% of my day is spent solely with my kids. I have found that if you pick up after yourself rather then just a "wait and do it later" approach that helps SO much!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Well, you were talking about making it a priority. So that means you are prioritizing these things over something else-- what is that something else?


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

Hey there! I'm really jealous of all those put together moms.

My house is clean when people coming over. I do what it takes to get it clean, but couldn't have it THAT clean every day or I would pass out from exhaustion and stress.

I have short hair and clothes that don't require ironing but are not sweats. I have lip gloss and eye shadow in my pocket book and deodorant in the car.

If you need to sleep, sleep. It really depends on the person. It also depends on if your baby wakes you up at night. I tend to get really sick and run down when I don't rest. Last winter I was freaking dizzy with a sinus infection...tethered to the couch and had to call in a relative. I will put myself first for now on. Lesson learned. I do think exercise and vitamins has helped me with my fatigue.


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## funkychunkymunky (Mar 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KD's Momma* 
I have my clothes placed in "outfits" so that I can just grab the whole thing and not be looking in my closet forever.

This is so smart.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Well, you were talking about making it a priority. So that means you are prioritizing these things over something else-- what is that something else?

I'm not her, but what I think she means is making a priority to make good food. Not putting that in front of something else, but making it something you feel is important. It isn't to everyone. Good food is a priority to me but that doesn't mean my kids are shut up in a room somewhere while I'm cooking. I meal plan, shop alone, and almost every meal I make is ready in half an hour. While that's being done, my kids are right there helping or playing by my feet.

I don't prioritize cooking over them, I put cooking up there with laundry. Things that have to be done at some point in order for the house and the people in it to go about their days. I don't put these things ahead of my kids, I do them around my kids.

I don't get why people think you can't combine kids and housework. I want my boys to know how to cook, do their own laundry, pick up after themselves. I show them by example, we have fun and we do spend time together. My 2 year old has a blast unloading the dishwasher, its play to him and a few more minutes of him and me time.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I'm not her, but what I think she means is making a priority to make good food. Not putting that in front of something else, but making it something you feel is important. It isn't to everyone. Good food is a priority to me but that doesn't mean my kids are shut up in a room somewhere while I'm cooking. I meal plan, shop alone, and almost every meal I make is ready in half an hour. While that's being done, my kids are right there helping or playing by my feet.

I don't prioritize cooking over them, I put cooking up there with laundry. Things that have to be done at some point in order for the house and the people in it to go about their days. I don't put these things ahead of my kids, I do them around my kids.


But the meaning of the word "priority" is that it's something taking priority over something else. So your housework and kids are your top priorities-- what do they take priority over?


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I don't get why people think you can't combine kids and housework. I want my boys to know how to cook, do their own laundry, pick up after themselves. I show them by example, we have fun and we do spend time together. My 2 year old has a blast unloading the dishwasher, its play to him and a few more minutes of him and me time.


I think this is important..once they were too big or didnt' want to be on my back I got them involved. A spray bottle of water and a cleaning rag is a great toy. A duster while you dust. Their own laundry to fold.

Again..a lot of multi-tasking.

Also 2 our of 4 of my children were like the tornado child mentioned above. I solved this by having very few things in the main living space. I rotate books so that they can only pull so many out at a time. We have one toy box full and two bins. We keep the rest in the basement and rotate those as well. We pick everything up before dinner and before we go out. We all work together on that. I never make them clean up their own toys by themselves, we all pitch in and it's done really quickly.

I also failed to mention that my dh is really good about the big jobs. He cleans out the refrigerator etc. But he's also away more than he's home. So i have to be very on top of things to get them done.

As to the sleep thing. I slept as much as I could. Looking back on it I don't know how I did it with so little sleep but I did...when you are going through it you just do it. My kids were good sleepers in that they didn't wake for anything besides nursing so we slept/nursed etc. But that disturbed sleep isn't the same. I think when I was night nursing I stayed in bed regularly 10hours to get 7 or 8 and now I stay in bed 7 or 8 hours. So I would go to bed accordingly..I do stay up later now..that's when I write and stuff.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I don't get why people think you can't combine kids and housework. I want my boys to know how to cook, do their own laundry, pick up after themselves. I show them by example, we have fun and we do spend time together. My 2 year old has a blast unloading the dishwasher, its play to him and a few more minutes of him and me time.

Sorry to serial post, I cut off the bottom last time but I thought of a question about this specific thing.

DS likes unloading and loading the dishwasher in principle, and it is play to him. However, I don't know how to make it not dangerous but still fun AND actually finish it. For instance, someone posted that she quickly gets the knives away from her DD as soon as she opens the dishwasher-- well, I do that too but he has such a big tantrum about it. He really, really wants those knives. So then I think I'll set him up outside in the sandbox (right outside the kitchen door with the door open), but he has a big tantrum if he doesn't have lots of pans of water. So I give him lots of pans of water, and he dumps them out and starts screaming for more water. So after ten minutes of filling and refilling pans over and over, I've gotten maybe a third of the dishwasher unloaded and he decides he's done with the sandbox. So he comes inside and dumps all the cats' water and food on the floor. Then he slips in the water he just dumped on the floor and hits his head and starts screaming again. So then I'm left with the choice to either (1) let him scream and keep unloading the dishwasher, or (2) let him scream and clean up the mess he just made, or (3) stop unloading the dishwasher, leave the sand and water and cat food on the kitchen floor, and comfort him and rock him and play with him for another half hour until he is calmed down. By this time I'm so furious that my first inclination is to do (1) and (2) with a stern scolding for good measure, but then I feel bad about it (he is hurt, after all) and end up forcing myself to do (3) instead. Which doesn't get the dishwasher unloaded any faster. (No, I can't put the cats' dishes up. They are too fat and old to jump very high.)

So then after he's feeling better, I can start the whole process again, but it means unloading the dishwasher is a three-hour ordeal; and realistically, he'll be banging on the door screaming to be taken for a walk sometime in the middle of that. Plus I have to clean up the cat food each time.

It doesn't always happen this way when I try to unload the dishwasher with him around to "help," but usually it does. Probably 75% of that time. So-- how do I stop the whole thing from unravelling when he so, so desperately wants to grab the sharp ends of the knives and hurl the ceramic plates across the room and I have to take them away from him? I do give him alternatives like the plastic cups and his bottles, but those aren't dangerous enough for him and it upsets him just as much.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

And again, I'm sorry I am posting SO much. I'm not trying to hog the thread, but I have started three or four threads on this subject since starting back to work a year ago and none of them got much traction. So since this one did, I'm trying to make sure I really understand everything that is said and everything I'm doing wrong because it might be my last chance to find out.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Just brainstorming:

Don't wash the knives in the dishwasher. Set them aside and do them by hand at another time.

Only do a few dishes at a time (this is what I do -- yea, unloading can take the whole morning, but since I'm only _trying_ to do a couple minutes at a time, it doesn't feel like I'm spending the whole morning trying to do just that), then move on to something else.

Let him help with the ceramic plates. Naked Baby (also 3/15/07!) does fine with these if I act calm and like him picking them out to hand to me is exactly what I want to happen (rather than if I freak out and try to take them from him, at which points he tries to keep it away from me, and the likelihood of a break is vastly higher).

Make your kitchen as kid-friendly as possible. Naked Baby has free access to everything he can reach in the kitchen -- towels, plastic containers, non-glass food items, non-sharp utensils, etc, are all in his reach, and nothing else is. This means that there's LOTS of real stuff for him to play with, and gives him things to do while I'm trying to do kitchen chores. Sure we then have to pick up after that, but hey, that's life with a kid. Usually I accomplish more than he messes.

Cat food -- seriously, put it out of reach. Just for while you're trying to work in the kitchen; when you're done, you can put it back. Prevention is 99% of surviving life with a toddler.

And again, _every baby is different_. Just because someone else can make it work, doesn't mean you're doing something wrong if you can't. Really!


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

Lolar2, I would just let im help with the dishwasher and I would warn him before hand that I'd take out the knives first because they are sharp. If he tantrums then he tantrums. Once he is calm he can help with the rest of the dishes.
When ds helps, I am VERY fast to take the glasses and plates from him, so I'm not actually putting them away, I'm just making a pile on the counter.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

My LO sits in his little toddler rocker (strapped in) and brushes his teeth while I take a quick shower, singing to him the whole time. When I get out of the shower, I put him in the tub, and he takes a bath while I do my hair & make-up. Our bathtub is directly behind our bathroom mirrors, so I can see him while I'm fixing myself up.

Either that, or I con my 7-year-old into playing Lincoln Logs with him on the bathroom floor.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 

Make your kitchen as kid-friendly as possible. Naked Baby has free access to everything he can reach in the kitchen -- towels, plastic containers, non-glass food items, non-sharp utensils, etc, are all in his reach, and nothing else is. This means that there's LOTS of real stuff for him to play with, and gives him things to do while I'm trying to do kitchen chores. Sure we then have to pick up after that, but hey, that's life with a kid. Usually I accomplish more than he messes.


We DO do that, at least.

I'll try the other stuff you suggest. I just don't always think of these things! And that is why this thread is useful.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
My LO sits in his little toddler rocker (strapped in) and brushes his teeth while I take a quick shower, singing to him the whole time. When I get out of the shower, I put him in the tub, and he takes a bath while I do my hair & make-up. Our bathtub is directly behind our bathroom mirrors, so I can see him while I'm fixing myself up.

Either that, or I con my 7-year-old into playing Lincoln Logs with him on the bathroom floor.

I think I'm also getting the idea that part of our problem is that DS is a giant. The counter is in no way "out of reach" for him and he won't fit into the toddler rocker strapped in!


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## lovemyfamily6 (Dec 27, 2006)

I am not one of those mom's.







But I would like to be. I don't wear makeup, but never have. I don't like many of the ingredients in it. I had Everyday Minerals for awhile, but even that isn't great apparently. So I just don't wear it. I wouldn't mind finding a nice pressed powder though, or my friend just got a tinted foundation from Avon that dries to a powdery finish, but it's probably loaded with bad stuff too. I also would like to find a lip tint or gloss, but they either have ingredients I don't feel are safe, or they have carmine to make the color. So I just use shea butter.

I have super thick, long hair. It's almost always in a ponytail. It's down most of the time at work, but as soon as I get home, I throw it in a ponytail to make it more difficult for my little monkey man to grab.

I don't have nice clothes at all. I have one pair of jeans and one pair of black slacks. I own five solid color shirts and a few sweat shirts. All of the skirts I bought after the last child was born are too big now. I'm happy I lost a lot of weight, but that also means I lost most of my wardrobe. Dh just told me a couple days ago that he's giving me $500 in a few weeks (he plays fantasy baseball online and won three of his leagues, so he's giving me half the money...how sweet is that!!) for my birthday which is next Wednesday, and Christmas. And he said he wants me to use it to buy clothes that I'll feel good about. I'm pretty excited about that, so working to lose the rest of the weight (25 pounds) to get to my ideal weight. I don't want anything impractical because I'm still on the floor a lot with my kids. But I'd like something more put together and nice looking also. I don't like feeling frumpy when I go out.

As far as the house and stuff goes, honestly that has been pretty hard for me too. I work until noon, then dh works until 9pm so it's pretty hard to get things done. I'm up too late a lot of nights, but I have to get up at 5:15, so that's not a great plan either. I don't like feeling tired all day. Just recently I decided to break the weekly cleaning in to days. Monday- dust, main floor bathroom Tuesday- upstairs bathrooms Wednesday- vacuum upstairs Thursday- vacuum downstairs Friday- mop It works fairly well, except now my youngest no longer naps consistently and he needs constant supervision. I've decided that I'll do my daily cleaning in the evening after the boys are in bed.

Cooking- I used to be so good about it, but lately I've been feeling blah. I'm just starting to get back in to it. I meal plan for the week. I've recently started letting each of the three older boys choose dinner for one night. They're enjoying it and get excited when it is their night, and it makes it easier for me to have a plan for the rest of the week.

Priorities were mentioned and I think that's true. I also don't think you have to neglect something (or someone) to "have it all". I know if I planned better (and got off of the computer!







) stuff in my life would be in much better shape.

I'm going to be 31 in a few days and I'm tired of feeling blah. I'm lucky to be married to my best friend. He's an awesome husband and equally awesome father. I have four amazing boys that light up our lives. I'm going to start thinking about *my* priorities for myself and my family. That means I am going to stop making excuses for not exercising. I think it's reasonable that I have a hard time getting to the gym. Our schedule is not conducive to that and I'm not willing to put my little one in their daycare and we can't afford to pay someone. But, I have a great cardio DVD and two Pilates DVD's that I like a lot. Surely I can spend an hour of my day to work out and take a shower after? We have a house that I love, so it's time that I start making that a priority as well and stop making excuses for not getting things done. I really do waste a lot of time in a day. If I managed my time better, things could get done. I could probably even clean during the day if I did my cleaning while my little guy had lunch. Instead of eating my lunch then too, I could get my work done. Then I could eat after, and I could use my time after they go to bed to exercise. See, I'm making it work (in my head, at least)







I haven't been great about spending time with my kids lately. We've been busy and they're in school, so the evenings are kind of rushed. I'm going to make it a point to start bedtime half an hour earlier so that we don't have to rush through it, and I can bring back the bedtime story and snuggling with them while they still like it.

I'd be really interested in some fashion tips. I'm a very low-maintenance girl. I've never been fashion savvy and wear pretty basic things. For example, every spring I go to Old Navy and buy four or five "perfect t-shirts" in short sleeves and every fall I buy a few in long sleeves. I'd love some suggestions on how to look "put together" with minimal pieces of clothing in my wardrobe. I don't wear jewelry or other accessories and don't think that would change. For shoes, I own a pair of tennis shoes (my everyday shoes), a pair of high heels, and tall black boots. Since the heels and tall black boots also with tall heels are for dressier days, I always wear tennis shoes. Boring.

This is a very rambling post, I fear. It's late and I should get to bed!


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## Impressionist (Jun 26, 2007)

I'm definitely someone who likes a clean house, and likes things organized. I try to look put-together when I go out, but in reality that means putting on some lipstick and making sure my sweater doesn't have DD's snot-marks on the shoulders. I manage to get a shower every day, and I tidy up a little bit at a time. The key for me is to do everything in little chunks. Like, I'll tidy up the toys in the living room that she isn't playing with, I keep everything in our house in little baskets, and try to clean while she's napping. We live in England, so there are loads of preschool activities that don't cost a lot- we leave the house every morning and go to a toddler group or music group or something else. That helps cut down on cleaning. As for meals, we try to serve healthy food but often have 'lazy dinners'- it's impossible to do it all. I just make sure we always have healthy snacks in the house so DD can have fruit or cheese throughout the day.

I used to over-do it. I still do sometimes. Yesterday I managed to have the whole day to myself, so instead of relaxing, I spent the day shopping for things for the house then spent all night putting together chairs from Ikea. Then DD didn't sleep last night, so I'm exhausted.

I only work 2 days a week, my DD is pretty good at independenly playing with her toys, and she takes a 2 hour nap every day. Everyone is different. If she was a different child, I doubt I'd be able to get anything done.

As for scrapbooking- nope. Knitting- a couple of hours a week, in the evening, after the laundry has been done and the dinner dishes cleared away. DD 'helps' with things around the house- I make games out of things so that she can participate. Right now she is playing with her toys while I type. In 2 minutes, though, I am going to have to get off the computer and change her diaper!! (And we are singing as I type. No easy task)

I learned a big lesson in August when I came down with a viral infection that landed me in the hospital, though. I couldn't do anything for a month, and I am still not myself. I was told that the infection I had was common in young women who do too much... and don't rest enough. I started to realize that *it doesn't matter what your house looks like, or if you look like a 'yummy mummy' (as they call them here)... what matters is that your children are happy and healthy!* A little dirt is good for them, anyway.


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Wow...woke up to so many great posts. I really am happy I started this thread.

Lolar2, your story about the dishwasher was hilarious. My DD is two months younger but sounds just like your son. I had to empty the dishwasher yesterday and some other kitcheny stuff so I decided to try a tip I read somewhere on here.

I put down a huge plastic picnic tablecloth. Then I took a cookie sheet. Then I took a small bag of uncooked rice and dumped it in a plastic bowl. I gave my daughter a few scoopy things and a plastic ziplock (she loves those). It worked sooooo well! She sat there and played alone for 6 minutes! Haha. Then she started dumping the rice all over the place. I swept it up with her baby dustpan thing. She decided she wanted to use the dustpan so she "swept" the rice into it and wanted to throw it in the garbage. How could I discourage this? So she tracked the rice all over the kitchen. Lots of it got stuck in her clothes so it got all over the house. When I was done with the dishes I had rice all over the floor. I wanted to reuse it but once it was swept up it was all full of nasty hair, catfood and old noodles and stuff. So I tossed it. Oh well, I had those 6 minutes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really like all the tips on here. I think the waterbottle and rag to help clean is GREAT. Problem is most of these things will work better once she hits 19, 20 months I think. I do wear her on my back quite often and she loves it.
Sometimes she'll be there for 45 minutes and other times 2.

One thing lacking in our life is a real schedule. Many of you sound like you do the same things every day. I think we spend a lot of time just floundering around. Often things are done all out of order. She'll have one ponytail and one shoe on, I will have jeans on with my pajama shirt for hours. Maybe we should work on this.


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## greenmamapagan (Jan 5, 2008)

Ah, so many things in this thread ring true for me.
Mostly that I was never really a "put-together" dresser anyway so I didn't stand much of a chance. I've let go of the little voices in my head about appearance, it really doesn't bother me but I _am_ bothered by the state of my house and finding the time (and energy now I'm pregnant again) to cook.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
One other question: when I try to hide clutter in a closet, DH has panic attacks because he "can't find anything and I left this super-important document RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE COUCH AND NOW I AM GOING TO FLUB THIS MEETING AND MY CAREER IS RUINED AAAAHHHHHH AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR CLEANING UP!" Does this happen to you?

Yes, all the time







Nowadays he finally has a desk of his own (he prefers to do computer work in an armchair) so I put everything of his there. Just pile it all up. Once it's on his desk it's his responsibility not to lose it









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I'm sorry I keep nit-picking at everything, but I really want to make some changes in my life and I need all the help I can get. So, when you only had one toddler, how did you handle this? If I were in the bathroom cleaning DS would be tearing up and throwing around all the TP, drinking the soap, and drowning himself in the toilet. Sometimes I can shut him out with a baby gate so I'm still "available" while he can't get in to tear the place up and kill himself, but he does stand outside the gate and cry. It seems like CIO

DD was (and still at 30 months is to a large extent although she'd never dream of putting her head in the toilet) just like this. Another poster suggested a back carry for cleaning but that never worked for us. Firstly she always hated being worn at home unless she was on my front having milk (a hopeless position for cleaning), secondly she went on a wearing strike for 6 months or so after she started to walk, thirdly our bathroom floor gets quite slippery with even a few drops of water so I was terrified of wearing her while cleaning.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamabeakley* 
Okay, so I really liked what Arwyn said.

Ditto!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamabeakley* 
I honestly think that moms who have never had a high-needs kid (or known one up close) may have a hard time comprehending the level of demand that moms of high-needs kids are having to meet.

ITA. I don't really identify DD as high-needs (I've met higher) but my goodness, the majority of kidlets her age I've met are far far cruisier!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
How long do you have to keep this up until they stop fighting it?

This was about babywearing while cleaning/cooking right? I wish I knew. As I mentioned above DD was so dead-set against being worn at home I didn't get a chance to find out. I managed to cook dinner a total of about three times with her on my back in her entire 30 months. That certainly wasn't for lack of trying but if she really doesn't want to be up there I'm not going to traumatise her. Little steps helped us much more (with cooking and hand dishwashing, not with cleaning). She stands at the counter next to me and helps with whatever is appropriate. Of course that means more mess on the floor (still) but at least dinner gets cooked. She started doing that at about 16 months so it might help you? We got our steps from IKEA (no idea if your have IKEA in the US?)


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## Miss 1928 (Nov 12, 2007)

Well, I don't know about everything else, and I hardly ever wear full make-up anymore (only when I'm performing, I can't sing without blush and maschera, it's physically impossible.







), but I don't ever leave the house without lipstick. I feel 'done' if I have just that on. (And naked without it. lol.) My trick is to put it on while DD is buckled up in her carseat, right before driving off to do what ever errand or appointment that we're doing.

Hair washing; well, I'm pretty lucky to not have oily hair so I can get by with only washing it about every 5 days or so. (More often if I excercize, but who has time for regular excercize? Not me.) And then I have to do it when DD is sleeping or I take her in the shower with me, but I prefer not to.

I did some of DD's baby book when she was about 10 months, but haven't touched it since. Haven't even managed to print any photos for years.









I haven't had time to read all the post's yet. I just wanted to give my input on lipstick.


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
How long do you have to keep this up until they stop fighting it?

Well if they didn't want to be there I'd take them down. But mostly they loved it. We'd sing songs and she'd be so happy(by she I mean whichever was up there at the time).

Often times they would play something while I did the housework.


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## JessC (Jul 5, 2006)

My house is usually only clean when my kids are asleep. Sometimes I put all the toys in one room if we're going to have company, and that way the living room looks clean when they arrive. (Until the toys get dragged back in, but still)
I wear eye makeup and Burt Bee's Lip Shimmers (LOVE). I put it on in the van, after everyone is buckled in, just before driving off. I shower during Sesame Street with the door open, sometimes they come and open the shower curtain and talk to me.
I buy cute stuff at the thrift store, mostly just cute tops and jeans, I keep my hair short, so fixing it just means a little product pulled through, which I do with them underfoot.
I cook big pots of food like beans and rice or stews and then we eat them for days.
I clean after they go to bed, and then I get about 7 hours of sleep. If that's not enough, I try to catch a nap while they are napping.

And some days I don't get any of it done... got kids, ya know?


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

But the meaning of the word "priority" is that it's something taking priority over something else. So your housework and kids are your top priorities-- what do they take priority over?
I'm not sure if you're trying to imply that cooking takes priority over kids or not. What I mean is I have all these things in my head (cooking, laundry, etc) and they end up getting done by importance. My kids obviously are my highest priority, but everything else has to come in some place. Cooking is a priority over laundry and dishes and so on. That's what I mean.

As far as giving them jobs, you do have to show them. Teach your child how to handle dishes and glasses. Get the knives out of the way so there is no temptation there. I have my 2 year old pull the dishes out of the dishwasher and hand them to me to put away.

Quote:

For shoes, I own a pair of tennis shoes (my everyday shoes), a pair of high heels, and tall black boots. Since the heels and tall black boots also with tall heels are for dressier days, I always wear tennis shoes. Boring.
Ballet flats. They're comfy and they go with everything.

Quote:

One thing lacking in our life is a real schedule. Many of you sound like you do the same things every day. I think we spend a lot of time just floundering around. Often things are done all out of order. She'll have one ponytail and one shoe on, I will have jeans on with my pajama shirt for hours. Maybe we should work on this.
Yes. I'm very organized and like routines. So basically things are done at the same basic time and in the same basic order everyday. Sometimes they aren't but usually they are. I know my kids do much better if they know whats happening beforehand.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

We do have a schedule because of my work.

I was figuring cooking would have to come before kids so the kids don't starve.


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## justthinkn (Apr 11, 2008)

I really agree that a lot of this is personal style, and the issue is you and your family feeling good about your overall lifestyle. I don't want to judge the woman who feels better if her hair is looking great just b/c I feel better when I've had time to journal. I agree that your whole day doesn't have to be playing with toys on the floor... I agree that routines are helpful...

But where I disagree - putting this in terms of competing priorities is less helpful than thinking about how things we do can intrinsically meet lots of our goals at the same time... Yeah, some things are more important that others, and a few things we should maybe just cross off our lists all together. But lots of us really want to get most of our priorities met - perhaps not perfectly, but adequately. The more I find multiple purposes for a task, or design my tasks to meet multiple purposes, the more motivated I am to get it done!

Obviously, doing chores can be cuddle time on mommy's back when LOs are truly little, and learning time/do along with time when they're older. And I'm personally even more motivated to keep my home basically organized now that I think about it in terms of DD's ability to find toys, have good space to play, safety to explore without me hovering... I'm more motivated to make all of our diets healthier than to cook special food for just DD. I prefer going on a walk to the park with DD for exercise b/c it meets a few different needs, but I know that using the elliptical occasionally gives me more energy for all my other tasks as well as helping me feel good about myself and thus more positive all around.

Mommy getting ready for the day can be a fun ritual that LO participates in somehow - bringing mommy things, or with my DD, I "share" my makeup supplies as I finish using them - the safe, non-messy parts - and that moment where I blush her cheeks with my empty brush is a favorite moment in both of our days! Routines can become loving rituals with just a little extra time...

Other things, maybe we don't include the LO, but we still know it's good time for them - spending time with Daddy or a close friend while we get something else done like showering or work on the computer gives them valuable time with another wonderful caregiver who has a different style and loves them in a different way.

Mommy living healthily, lovingly, peacefully and with confidence models living that way to the child...

Not, of course, that I'm there yet.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Wow, just logged on a bunch of great posts! I guess I am so self-motivated to "get it done" that I am able to get it all done, including myself







I show the girls by example, like folding laundry, collecting eggs, working in the house, cooking organic meals, whatever the task is at the time. I really can't explain HOW I do it, I just DO it, if that makes ANY sense at all. And on top of that, I like to look nice, with done hair and makeup, I have been like that all my life. People told me once I had kids I would have to stop that or I wouldn't have time







: That irritated me and now when people come over and see my clean house, laundry done and folded, my kids neat and tidy, meals cooked and myself looking like a hot mama







they are really impressed. Why? I have no idea to be honest. This is just the type of person I am and always will be.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
Wow, just logged on a bunch of great posts! I guess I am so self-motivated to "get it done" that I am able to get it all done, including myself







I show the girls by example, like folding laundry, collecting eggs, working in the house, cooking organic meals, whatever the task is at the time. I really can't explain HOW I do it, I just DO it, if that makes ANY sense at all. And on top of that, I like to look nice, with done hair and makeup, I have been like that all my life. People told me once I had kids I would have to stop that or I wouldn't have time







: That irritated me and now when people come over and see my clean house, laundry done and folded, my kids neat and tidy, meals cooked and myself looking like a hot mama







they are really impressed. Why? I have no idea to be honest. This is just the type of person I am and always will be.

See, I WAS like this before DS, at least much more than now. I am trying to get back to that, and it is in no way a question of motivation; that's why I keep asking for step-by-step instructions.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

What is a scrapbook???


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## DandeCobb (Jul 20, 2006)

I haven't had a chance to read this whole thread but just wanted to tell OP, I think i saw that your child was 18 months old? that time span between 16 months old to about 22 months old was the HARDEST time we've had so far!

He wasn't big enough to follow directions well, but was to big to stay in one place. it is soooooo much easier now that he is over 2, he sweeps and sprays cleaner (alot of cleaner







, i have to be right there to wipe it up) and hangs up his coat, puts away everyone shoes in a basket, he has no interest in being involved in laundry except throwing hte dirty clothes downstairs over the banister and the dishwasher is always a battle of wills, still.

so during his nap i do all the things i can't do with him around (dishwasher, laundry, ect) and let him help with what he enjoys.

Things have gotten harder again around here due to #2 being pretty needy, but i just take a zen approach to the mess and know it will be clean again someday.

As far as my personal apperance, i have neglected that for YEARS and am just now getting interested in clothes and makeup again. so i am loving the tips to looking put together! whoever said its the stick straight and curly hair that is easiest to style quickly, that is SO true! I have fine wispy, half wavy half straight hair and i would really need to blowdry and straighten to look really put together and that just ain't happening!


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
See, I WAS like this before DS, at least much more than now. I am trying to get back to that, and it is in no way a question of motivation; that's why I keep asking for step-by-step instructions.

Yeah I catch what you are saying. It is just hard for me to articulate step by step instructions I guess







I just had to re-do my routine and it changed a lot since the birth of my second daughter and the fact that they are so close together in age, 16 months apart, but it is good because they both can understand things too. It takes TIME and patience to figure it out, I remember being frazzled because I was trying to figure it all out and I think the personality and age of the child(ren) plays a key factor into it as well.


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## mommyshoppinghabit (Aug 9, 2006)

Wow, I could have written the same OP, missbuns. Sorry while I also take advantage of your thread like a previous poster and look for some tips too. I used to be really well put together, and therefore really attached to my looks...this was pre-DS1. Now, I could probably pass for a bag lady and 8-months after DS2 was born, I still look 4 months pregnant.







I was never great at domestic duties and both DSs are very high needs. The _only_ way DS1 will let me have a coupla minutes is if he's watching TV. DS2 will not let me out of his sight, and hates to be in a carrier and will no be strapped into any chair, and hates to be put on the floor, so essentially I have to always be sitting with him on my lap or I'm carrying him on one hip.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
Lots of quality time can be spent at the kitchen counter.

Got some recipes that I can get DS1 involved in? I see the potential for this tip yet, I am pretty slow in the kitchen as it is so I see this could slow things down even more.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
I get up early (5 a.m.) to get the chores done before the kids get up. That is how I compromise. I give up sleep to get a head start.

If I only had my toddler, this might be possible. But from 5-7am DS2 is constantly sleep-nursing and would totally wake up if I put him in a carrier. Can't do the opposite and get work done after he is in bed cuz I am pooped by the time I nurse him to sleep at night.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *missbuns* 
I agree that it's downhill after the child turns 1. My house was totally fine, I looked pretty good and everything until 13-14 months. I really hope it gets easy again in the late toddler stage.

For me, DS1's first birthday did not mark any significant difference in difficulty. It was already pretty hard to begin with.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
If I were to hire help it would be cleaning. I cannot understand why people hire someone to watch the kids for a few hours so they can clean...I'd get someone to clean and take the kids out for a few hours..they are fun..cleaning sucks.

B/c sometimes you get burned out either holding or engaging your kids 24/7 and just need someone else to do that. Cleaners only really polish your floors and bathroom. What about decluttering and organizing. No one can do that but yourself.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

Got some recipes that I can get DS1 involved in?
Anything. We do alot of fresh veggies with dinner and we have one of those onion chopper things they do infomercials for. His job is to put the veggies in the chopper, then we both do the actual chopping. Washing veggies is a great kid job. I don't let them handle raw meat but fruits and veggies are great. Any kid can stir if you don't mind a little spillage.

Tonight we'll be having tacos so I'll let him take the cut veggies off the cutting board and put them in bowls. I'm sure he'll help wash the veggies as usual. I can't let him help with the cheese shredding since he's allergic to dairy but my older son loves to do that. Yeah it takes way longer but start them early and who cares?


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

This is a very helpful thread. My house and I look (slightly) better already! I hope no one minds if I'm back with more questions tonight....


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## pixilixi (Jun 20, 2006)

This is an interesting thread. On the one hand, I do have some small envy those mums who are put together... but on the other hand, I've never been like that, why should I start now that I'm a mum?







The only difference is that now it's ds' stuff all around the house instead of mine and dh's.

I am a mum who wears track pants or jeans most of the time, or occasionally one of my nicer outfits. Never wear make up. BUT I do feel loads better if I shower in the morning, so I make that a priority (if I don't do it before ds is up, then he usually comes in too).

Ds usually naps for 1 1/2 hours a day - and bugger it, I'm not going to spend that whole time cooking or cleaning! Usually I exercise, play violin, read, email, listen to my music, burn incense and sit quietly with a cuppa for a while. These are things I can't do to my satisfaction when ds is awake. Most of the cooking and cleaning (ie the bare minimum) get done with ds' help. Or I clean the bathroom when he is in the bath.

To the OP - when ds was your age, it was even worse. I had to interact with him all the time, sometimes I could wear him to clean, as I did when he was a baby, but I was TIRED. He was waking up many times a night, so I had to be in bed for about 10 hours if I wanted to feel human. When he napped, I would do the other chores, and did NOTHING for myself. It sucked. I have too many other things I want to do (see above list). Since ds has been 2, he sleeps a bit better, and I have been able to get him REALLY involved in chores, and it's been great. So don't worry, if you do nothing, things will get easier.

I'm sure other mums have great tips, but for me honestly, I don't *really* care about that sort of thing, so *I* will never change!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allgirls* 
I don't iron.

If I were to hire help it would be cleaning. I cannot understand why people hire someone to watch the kids for a few hours so they can clean...I'd get someone to clean and take the kids out for a few hours..they are fun..cleaning sucks.

me either.

And I'm like the op. When I had a baby/toddler, I got _nothing_ done. I just wasn't bothered by the ironing.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Well, I think I'm between together and a hot mess.

I'm lucky my hair is curly and doesn't need to be blowed dry.

I don't wear makeup unless we are going out simply b/c it saves money and makes the makeup last longer. Sometimes I go out w/o makeup, just depends.

I buy 'outfits' although I don't keep them terribly organized, but I know what I have and what goes with what which is what makes things easy.

I don't believe in ironing, although I do have some things that require it. Ummm, I don't know where my iron is.

Cooking, we grill and do simple fresh veggies; steamed asparagus or broiled brussel sprouts with fruit for dessert. Takes very little time and has great flavor. And I'm finally getting the hang out of planning the produce for the week. I get bananas to eat right away for 1-2 days, pears that will be ripe by the time the bananas are done, then cantalope which I keep in the fridge so it doesn't get overripe, and a pineapple--this is a week's worth of fruit, no extra trips to the store. For veggies, I get asparagus or broccoli to eat w/i 1-2 days, then salad, and brussel sprouts keep for 3-5 days. I fill in with frozen veggies as needed.

I may be put together, but it's never at the same time. Some days I don't get a shower until 2pm, others 8am. It's all a crapshoot.

My house is moderately messy. Clean where it counts, dusty where it doesn't.

I find that sleep is the most important thing for me. I can handle anything if I've had enough sleep and I'm still recovering from the first 9 months so when I do get free time, I just sit like a vegetable and do nothing. I need to replenish my reserves still. I watch a lot of TV right now.

DD isn't a good napper, so if all else fails I pop in Baby Einstein so I can get a shower/break/meal/load the dishwasher.

V


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyshoppinghabit* 

B/c sometimes you get burned out either holding or engaging your kids 24/7 and just need someone else to do that. Cleaners only really polish your floors and bathroom. What about decluttering and organizing. No one can do that but yourself.


Yes that makes sense. I wouldn't clean as a break though..I'd read or something...I really HATE cleaning(I do it because I hate dirt more







)


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## ErinBird (Dec 5, 2005)

I have one two year old.

My hair is washed, my home is fairly neat, and I am a crafty person, always in the middle of a few projects (knitting, sewing, woodworking). We also eat homemade foods daily.

I place a lot of value on accomplishing these things. My showers are short, but regular and make me feel human.
I make dinner so that we generally have leftovers for lunch the next day. My meals are often put together in small parts over hours- I'll chop veggies in the morning while DD plays (or helps me) and it saves me 15 minutes in the evening for dinner. I often cook grains in large quantities a few times a week and store the extras for meals. I meal plan in a way that means I can cook while cooking (While the dinner bakes in the oven, I can do prep for tomorrow's meal.). It took time to get into a routine, and I still slip up regularly. The key to not running out for unhealthy food is to keep some easy to prepare foods on hand- portions of frozen soup in the freezer, pasta and frozen sauce, etc. My back-up meals are still tasty and good for us, even if its not quite up to my standards.

Cleaning also takes place in spurts and I involve DD while I do it. We wipe down the baseboards and cabinets together. She helps me unload the (cooled) dishwasher and helps me fold clothes (mostly by rolling up napkins that I later fold). Cleaning a bathroom doesn't take long if its done fairly frequently- for me its a swish swish in the toilet, I use a damp cloth and spray solution to wipe down the sink and counter and I scrub the tub just before DD takes a bath , so my husband is usually home (and it takes me 3 minutes at most). Sweeping occurs when needed, and DD either sweeps with her own broom or she plays (or follows me around whining). Again, its a three minute chore.

Our home is clutter free because I'm a fairly organized person who likes to minimize what enters the house. Junk mail is sorted out before it makes it to the kitchen counter and bills are paid ASAP and filed in my folders. We keep our possessions to a minimum so that everything fits in our home comfortably.

We also own a small end home, chosen in part because we didn't want the daily maintenance of a larger home (more to dust, vacuum, etc). I don't often spend much time online during the day and I don't own a TV, so theres no temptation there.

When a lot of my work is done, I play with DD while knitting. We go on walks and I cna knit while I follow DD around. I sew in teh evenings when DD is asleep. I woodwork when my husband is home and we take turns working/playing with DD.


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## Ruthie's momma (May 2, 2008)

I am a SAHM to a 15 mo little cutie. According to your definition, I am one of those moms. And, I am pretty proud to be "put together." I rationalize that the minimal time spent on myself is necessary to being a better mom and wife.

*I shower everyday because it makes me feel great.
...always with either an audience consisting of my LO and the two dogs or my LO in the shower with me (and the two dogs standing by)...

*Full make-up is a must because it is fun to apply and I feel pretty while wearing it.
...LO is usually standing beside me "brushing" her hair or chewing on the comb...

*I love my fashions and look forward to putting together something nice to wear each day.
...LO is nearby arranging DH's and my shoes...

***Showering, putting on make-up and getting dressed takes about 45 min (at that is totally taking my time)

*I workout everyday with the LO in the jogging stroller for at least 45 min
...LO loves to go for a ride and usually gets in one of her naps during this time...

*My home is neat and tidy because I am a super organized person.
...regular cleaning is completed via little jobs each day, throughout the week with the LO "helping"...

*We have homecooked meals and snacks everyday with leftovers for lunch the following day. Plus, cooking is one of my favorite hobbies.
...LO is always busy helping me in the kitchen by playing with her own bowls and spoons...

*Bill paying and errands are done as needed each day, throughout the week.
...LO is always nearby...

***My LO and I play throughout the day and she "helps" me with my activities.

Apart from fitness and cooking, I enjoy reading. This I do during LO's nap or at night. Plus, I am planning on returning to grad school next year and I will have a part-time nanny to care for LO when I am in class.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Same question to you then-- how do you keep from getting sick when you don't sleep?

I don't know. I do eat a lot of garlic, like I buy the BIG jars of minced garlic and put it in basically everything. I'll even eat it straight out of the jar when I'm cooking. Pickled garlic is sooooooo excellent.... So maybe that is my secret? Because honestly I'm not a terribly "healthy" person by traditional standards. I don't work out, I smoke, I have unmanaged anxiety and other mental health issues, I'm basically a wreck...but I rarely get colds







:


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthie's momma* 

*I shower everyday because it makes me feel great.
...always with either an audience consisting of my LO and the two dogs or my LO in the shower with me (and the two dogs standing by)...

*Full make-up is a must because it is fun to apply and I feel pretty while wearing it.
...LO is usually standing beside me "brushing" her hair or chewing on the comb...

*I love my fashions and look forward to putting together something nice to wear each day.
...LO is nearby arranging DH's and my shoes...

***Showering, putting on make-up and getting dressed takes about 45 min (at that is totally taking my time)

You make it sound as though your LO is standing within your line of sight and not running around or throwing things, for up to 10 minutes at a time???? How did you teach her to do that? Seriously-- I don't mean "why" I mean "how"-- should I be coming down harder on DS discipline-wise? Or is she just naturally that way?


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

i think it also depends upon your toddler. my little girl has yet to sleep for an hour by herself. she needs me to be there for her nap and all night long. plus she is a crappy sleeper and wakes up almost every ten minutes throuoghout the night. she wants to be held most of the day too. so i am a shambles. i have priorities but they don't get done. i am tired and cranky and if i write more i will be in trouble.








so yeah, some toddlers are easier than others and then you can take care of yourself better. others just aren't. that's my theory i am taking to whichever bank has become defunct ...


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

I haven't read through the whole thread yet (made it through the first couple of pages yesterday), but I saw a lot of Mamas talking about how they do it with having one LO, anyone able to do it with 3+?








I am super clean and organized when away from the house (when I used to WOH etc), but for some reason when I'm home I let it all go.

I feel SO much better when things are clean and organized, but I just don't feel like I have the energy to keep it that way!
I know I really need to cut down on the clutter in the house, but that feels overwhelming too. Maybe I'm just lazy!


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

Skimming through this thread it looks to me like you have a much better chance of having a clean home and put together look if your dc sleep well. My DS dropped down to one nap at 9 months and usually sleeps no more than 75 min. He wakes up at about 5am and snuggles in bed dozing/ nursing. When he's awake he's very busy and 'into' things. He pulls books off shelves, empties drawers, etc. He is instantly attracted to anything I'm doing. There is no way I could knit when he's awake. Sweeping/ mopping/ folding laundry are all very difficult. He gets cranky in the house and I have to take him out for both our sanity. When he does sleep I just feel like I need some me time so I don't always spend that time doing housework. I'm too tired after he goes to bed to attempt much. I do admire women who manage it all though. I don't think they are short changing their kids. I think they are just well organized, energetic and motivated. To be honest though, I don't see it as a character flaw to have a messy house.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lurve* 
i think it also depends upon your toddler. my little girl has yet to sleep for an hour by herself. she needs me to be there for her nap and all night long. plus she is a crappy sleeper and wakes up almost every ten minutes throuoghout the night. she wants to be held most of the day too. so i am a shambles. i have priorities but they don't get done. i am tired and cranky and if i write more i will be in trouble.








so yeah, some toddlers are easier than others and then you can take care of yourself better. others just aren't. that's my theory i am taking to whichever bank has become defunct ...

I know some are easier than others. I've known people with easy ones. Mine wasn't. Having health problems made it harder to keep up, also.

When I had no kids I was so organized I actually filed mail order catalogs alphabetically and could tell you which catalog had whatever you were looking for in it. Seriously.







I baked bread, packed lunches, worked 3 jobs and did all the housework while my now ex went to school and sponged. I never left the house without being perfectly dressed and in full makeup. I didn't understand why the women I worked with at my day job were so tired and disorganized. Crazy, I know. But I was young and healthy and didn't know any better.

Then I had my ds, _he who never sleeps._ He's 11 now and _still_ has never had a nap except when he's been sick. He would not sleep unless he was being held upright. He was colicky to boot. I also got very sick right after I had him and suddenly I was no longer a whirlwind superwoman who always looked perfect and worked circles around everyone else. For one year straight it was all I could do to keep him fed and get myself out of bed while the doctors kept telling me I was not really sick.







:

Now, I'm happy if I look human, everyone's clean and fed and the house is semi-presentable. There are more important things in life, yk? Who needs alphabetized catalogs anyway? I've got the internet.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Boot* 
Skimming through this thread it looks to me like you have a much better chance of having a clean home and put together look if your dc sleep well.

Exactly. I actually cried once when I heard one too many times _just sleep when he sleeps!

_To this day the most he _ever_ sleeps is 7 hours and I have never needed less than 8.

When he was a baby I was lucky to get 5.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Becky - I have 2 boys, and seeing the difference in their personalities is so helpful to me, to understand why A, B and C just don't work for other parents like they do for me. Your little guy sounds EXACTLY like my little one, and he's 23 months old. He's just recently gotten to a stage where he is learning to be helpful in short bursts, and I'm finding appropriate things for him to do while I cook or clean. He adores taking things out and in, like the dishwasher, but he most certainly likes to unload that which I'm loading, and vice versa! So, now I rinse all my dishes, put them in the right sink in an organized fashion, grouping them mostly as I would into dishwasher groups, and then I load it when he's elsewhere for 45 seconds.









He loves to pull things in and out of the pantry, so I've reorganized my shelves accordingly, and I will ask him to take things to the pantry and it's a whole big job to carry the kosher salt box over, open the door, put the salt in and close the door! That wins me enough time to chop an onion and add it to the crockpot without him pushing on my legs and screaming to be picked up.

When the boys are in the tub, I'll take my Magic Eraser and wipe down the sinks and faucets, and declutter the junk that has collected in the bathroom over the day. When I'm doing laundry, they boys carry the dirty clothes from the hamper into the laundry room, even if it doesn't "need" emptying. They love it, and it buys me time to sort, spray and start a load.

For me, it's the little things that add up that create a big problem. If I can manage to keep things tidy in the house, it doesn't turn into a whole pile of unmanageable and frustrating unclean ARGH! You know? And I've figured that out by asking them to do more than I used to. Bring your own plate to the sink from the table, pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper. It's a pain at first, because it was easier for me to do it quickly, it seemed, than to teach them to do it sloooooooooooowly and incorrectly, but my big boy has it totally down, and my little guy is working on it. It helps to have a big brother that you want to copy all the time.









As for personal appearance, I am definitely not coiffed and made-up, but I try to not look messy and sloppy. I, too, have a uniform of sorts that is easily mix and matchable, and I throw on Payless or Target flats instead of my crocs, I have a necklace and small stud earrings that I sleep in and rarely, if ever take off, and my wedding rings, and I put my watch on, so I feel that adds a little something. My absolute favorite things for looking made-up but not making up are tinted moisturizer (for winter) and Mary Kay's mineral powder base for summer. The tinted moisturizer (I use Neutrogena or Cover Girl from the grocery store, nothing fancy) takes literally 10 seconds to put on and the mineral powder is about 30 seconds. I often don't do more than that, perhaps some eyeshadow as eyeliner, mascara and gloss, if I'm going anywhere besides the grocery store or dropping Sir H off at preschool. Takes about 3 minutes, tops.

Hair, I have a low-maintenance cut, too. That's a huge part of it. I also went from washing (and ergo, having to style) every day, to every 3-4 days, and I do it at night. I used to be more anal about my hair looking perfect, I have really thin, fine hair, and I thought that if I didn't fix it in the morning, it looked awful, but recently, I've embraced the small lumps and waves. I like slightly natural-looking hair, you know, the kind that actually moves when the wind blows? And I look at the moms around me, and the cutest cuts are a little tousled and fun. So, I wash and blowdry at night, after my bath, maybe twice a week, and wear it down as much as I can. If it's just a trainwreck, I do a cute pull-back style. Maybe a ponytail, but with a cute clip on top to pouf up my bangs a little bit so there's not just plain old head of hair sleeked into a pony, you know?

Sorry for the rambling, I'm just jotting down my thoughts as I go.

Duh, I forgot my whole point. Your guy is at a really need-intense stage. It really does get easier and you will have much more time to yourself to do all the picking up and fixing up, I promise!


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## lula (Feb 26, 2003)

My children don't sleep very much and I have a very spirited dd (age 7) who is home-taught. My son is one and is a walking tornado of energy and climbing madness. We have pets, I work at home, my dh works at home and my life is a circus.

My house is reasonable, I prioritize eye-liner over cleaning. (I put on my make-up while I am in the car in the drive-way before we leave if I have to. I look reasonably well put together, I cook occasionally, but here is the dilemma I read, I love to read, I read when I am "supposed" to be cleaning. I also like my work and so I work when I am supposed to be folding laundry. I don't care that things aren't perfect everywhere because I think it is important (for me) that my children see that pursuing your passion is more important to me than cleaning my floors. (but that is a personal preference and style that keeps me "me")

What has helped me the most on the cleaning front is decluttering. If it isn't there I don't have to keep it clean or organize it. I keep cleaning supplies in every room so if I have a miraculous minute of time where my children are busy I can clean in the room we are in and I don't have to go find all of the supplies.

I keep duplicates of my make-up in the car, have a quick touch of kit in my purse and have make-up in the bathroom. This gives me 3 opportunities to put something on. For me make-up makes me feel like myself so I keep myself well stocked.

I find something during the day to do well and congratulate myself on that fact. By doing this I find that I am in better spirits and often can turn that into a positive domino effect. (and listen some days the "thing I did well" is to light a candle that we all like and have music on but regardless I find that any single positive step is helpful in lifting my spirits)

I keep emergency quick food on hand, organic pasta sauce, bagged salad, pasta= quick meal, etc. I have about 5 "quick" emergency meal plans and sometimes that is what we eat for dinner all week long. I keep all of my emergency meal items on one shelf (except the items that need to be cooled) and that is the shelf I make sure is ALWAYS stocked. I keep sandwich supplies and fruit/raw veggies around and that makes lunch quick. I make sure we have snack food and if my day has gone to hell we make a meal of small items. When I have time I will get more elaborate but on a day to day basis I just make it easy.

When in doubt if the day is horrible, we leave even for an hour and if the hour out is horrible then we will at least be happy to get back home.

I concentrate on my attitude, if I feel relaxed, focused or energetic it doesn't matter if my house is a disaster or the kids are whiny because I can figure out a way to survive happily and that to me is what life is all about.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

I think that it depends on the child and their current phase.

Right now, I "can't" vaccuum, unload the dishwasher, put laundry away, wash dishes or put DS's toys away without interference, crying or screaming.

However, I CAN shower (for some reason).

And I CAN cook.

A couple months ago, I could do the other things on my list, but I could not shower or cook.

Totally depends on his mood and current phase of toddlerhood, I guess.

And I also think that some children are just more clingy than others. DS goes through clingy phases but in general I would consider him a pretty independent child. My friend's son, who is the same age, is VERY clingy and you can't really do much when he's awake. Luckily, that little boy has regular naps (whereas my son is deciding NOT to nap).

I guess I'm no help.







Am I?


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## snt88 (May 9, 2007)

I'm so glad I found this thread! I've been feeling like an underachiever when it seems like other moms are getting so much done.

There are a few things that have worked for me and my 22 month old dd (for a week, maybe, until we hit the next phase).

When I empty the dishwasher, I empty the silverware really fast and then give her the basket, and she carries it around the house once or twice.
I ask dd to go give the dog a pat pat; sometimes this buys me 30 seconds.
DD has taken to removing her diapers from the shelf, one at a time, and flinging them on the floor. When I realize she is doing this, I know that I have a minute or two, and I run off to put away clothes or take a fast shower.
I have convinced dh to fold laundry while he watches TV.
When I am disciplined, I plan meals, which leads to fewer trips to the grocery store. And sometimes I can plan to make something one night that I can use in a night or two. I want to make a lot of soup (all of that squash is in season now) and freeze it.
I buy a couple of loaves of good dinner bread at the grocery store. So when I am really desperate for dinner we can have bread, grilled chicken breasts, peas (always in the freezer) and carrot sticks (I've given in and I buy the more expensive, but ready to eat, baby carrots).
When dd goes down for a nap I sleep for about half an hour, because she is STILL up and night and I'm TIRED; then I try to get done a few things that are the most difficult while she is around. I carry the laundry baskets up and down the basement stairs, do dishes, check my email.
When the house is a mess, I play chase with dd and pick things up and put them away while I'm running around.
I suggest that dd color after she is done with breakfast. If she will do this for a couple of minutes without me I can clean up the kitchen.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lula* 

I keep duplicates of my make-up in the car, have a quick touch of kit in my purse and have make-up in the bathroom. This gives me 3 opportunities to put something on. For me make-up makes me feel like myself so I keep myself well stocked.


That is a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of it, it makes so much sense.

I've been using some of the tips, and the house and I look better. Unfortunately DS wasn't too thrilled with my picking things up "as I go." I was picking up a bag and putting it up where it belonged on the other side of the room. When I had the bag in my hand DS handed me his cup and asked for water. I took the cup and went toward the kitchen but I didn't drop the bag and took a (literally) one-second detour to the spot where the bag goes-- OMG. He just looked stricken. His little heart was broken when he saw I wasn't dropping the bag and running to the kitchen. He cried and cried like he does when I lose my patience and yell at him. So that took some holding and comforting (after I got his water). Does that happen a lot to you all who pick things up as you go? Am I being too soft-hearted? I did talk to him and explain that I was still getting his water and was only stopping for one second, but it didn't seem to help.


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## lovemyfamily6 (Dec 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Does that happen a lot to you all who pick things up as you go? Am I being too soft-hearted? I did talk to him and explain that I was still getting his water and was only stopping for one second, but it didn't seem to help.

Maybe try just saying "I'm going to put this bag on the/in the ____ and then I'll get your water." Maybe if he hears you're doing something and then getting his drink right after, he'll be okay.

I'm also going to use some tips here. I shower regularly now anyway because I work away from home part time and I can't stink there.







I think I'm still not going to wear makeup though because I never really have except the occasional everyday minerals. I do want to start keeping up better on the house and meals and balancing that with time with my kids.

This is a great thread. Thanks for starting it OP!


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

I have an almost 3 year old and a almost 16 month old.. two crazy crazy boys. I don't iron...but I am usually washed and always have makeup on to go out of the house.

I find it easiest to pop them into the tub for a shower, or to give them something messy to do (the 16 month old is passionate about taking toilet paper rolls apart 1 leaf at a time, but that is saved for real emergencies) or a little sweet snack to keep them busy while I do my makeup in the morning. It's really quick!

If I shower/wash.. I do it with them in the tub. Leave them in there while I get out and dry my hair, if I don't wash then I use one of those hot air blowing brushes to make it tidy. Then it's just foundation, mascara, occasionally eye shadow and a lip gloss.

I like winter because although it is harder to get them ready to go out the door, it's easy for ME to look put together because you just need a nice jacket and pair of shoes/boots. My uniform is a long (like, just above the knee) black button up jacket with a tie up belt at the waist, I got it for only 30 bucks at H and M... and either jeans or a sweater dress and a pair of boots. No one knows what you have on under a longer jacket, you could be in your pjs but if you have the jacket and the boots down then you look fine. I put on a hat if I don't have time to do my hair. I try to get the makeup done every morning as a rule... and I do change in and out of clothes to leave the house because I need to be in tshirts and yoga pants around the house for comfort and the filth factor of toddlers.


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## ecoteat (Mar 3, 2006)

This is a great thread! I'm certainly not the most put together mama around, but I've always been pretty casual about my appearance, so that doesn't take much time. I just don't wear clothes that need ironed--I HATE ironing. This summer I started no-pooing my hair (not using shampoo anymore) and discovered that now I really only need to shower every other day.

DD loves it when I build her a tent in her room out of blankets and set her up with some books to "read". She is quite happy playing by herself for a up to a half hour while I shower, scrub toilets, use the bathroom, whatever.

DH is a WAHD and I teach part time, so he does more of the cleaning than I do. But I am able to do a lot of cooking with DD. The Learning Tower is by far the most useful thing in the kitchen. When she was younger, I felt like I grew extra arms and more hours in the day when I got my Ergo--it made EVERYTHING in the kitchen easier.

I would love to get up earlier than dd in the morning and shower then, get a head start, whatever, but she still wakes up once or twice a night to nurse and I need that last bit of sleep in the morning. I think soon she'll be sleeping better; she's getting there gradually.

I am terrible at keeping up with dishes and putting away clean laundry, though. I feel like I've accomplished something huge if I go to bed with no dirty dishes in the sink, on the counter, or on the stove. And it can take me a week to get the clean clothes that are piled up on the couch in our room folded and put away. When people come over, though, the house (at least downstairs) is very tidy. We live in a historic home and try to keep it very presentable. Some weeks we are much more successful than others.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
That is a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of it, it makes so much sense.

I've been using some of the tips, and the house and I look better. Unfortunately DS wasn't too thrilled with my picking things up "as I go." I was picking up a bag and putting it up where it belonged on the other side of the room. When I had the bag in my hand DS handed me his cup and asked for water. I took the cup and went toward the kitchen but I didn't drop the bag and took a (literally) one-second detour to the spot where the bag goes-- OMG. He just looked stricken. His little heart was broken when he saw I wasn't dropping the bag and running to the kitchen. He cried and cried like he does when I lose my patience and yell at him. So that took some holding and comforting (after I got his water). Does that happen a lot to you all who pick things up as you go? Am I being too soft-hearted? I did talk to him and explain that I was still getting his water and was only stopping for one second, but it didn't seem to help.

Yep, the yelling started with the oldest and I told her gently but firmly "Mommy will get you____ right after I finish doing______." It took some time but clicked and now she understands perfectly. I do follow up on my promise too, I don't get sidetracked and do another task right after I told her I would do it (she remembers!) Just curious, how are things going for you?


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Yeah, that's what I did (told him what I was doing) but I felt terrible about it. He wasn't having the "annoyed" kind of tantrum, he clearly thought I was punishing him. The times when I've gotten ridiculously angry and screamed at him, the way he cried those times is the way he was crying; we had to have the whole reunion, comforting, reassuring, "mommy still loves you," etc. It was very sad.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
Yeah, that's what I did (told him what I was doing) but I felt terrible about it. He wasn't having the "annoyed" kind of tantrum, he clearly thought I was punishing him. The times when I've gotten ridiculously angry and screamed at him, the way he cried those times is the way he was crying; we had to have the whole reunion, comforting, reassuring, "mommy still loves you," etc. It was very sad.

Oh, I am sorry to hear that mama. Hopefully he will understand mommy is not being mean, and he will get the hang of it. Keep it up mama!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
That is just MY opinion, it would drive me batty not being able to pick stuff up for five minutes and have my girls howl at me,

I'm sorry to serial-post, but I didn't quite understand this sentence. My first posts today were about how it is a problem that he is so hurt when I pick things up. Then you say that would drive you batty if your girls were howling when you pick up, which is the same thing I was saying. But the "that is just MY opinion" makes it sound like you are disagreeing with me on something, and I'm not sure what that is. What am I missing?


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
You do think it's best to keep it up? One reason I stopped "keeping it up" in the first place after he was born was that it was upsetting him so much. Ever since he was born. I thought I'd made that clear in my earlier posts but maybe I didn't-- I felt like I was doing CIO. I was thinking maybe I should wait until he's older to pick things up as we go, when he's old enough to understand when I explain that he isn't being punished. That hurt, shocked look on his face!









How long do you think it will be before he understands that I still love him even when I'm putting things away?

That is just MY opinion, it would drive me batty not being able to pick stuff up for five minutes and have my girls howl at me, but that is just me, you do what you think is best. If it were MY child, I would just keep telling him, "Mommy is picking _____ up, would you like to help.?" Make a game out of it. We have "races" to see who can pick it up the fastest (I always let them win) and then I get her the milk, water, or whatever it is she was waiting for.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
That is just MY opinion, it would drive me batty not being able to pick stuff up for five minutes and have my girls howl at me, but that is just me, you do what you think is best. If it were MY child, I would just keep telling him, "Mommy is picking _____ up, would you like to help.?" Make a game out of it. We have "races" to see who can pick it up the fastest (I always let them win) and then I get her the milk, water, or whatever it is she was waiting for.

I'll try that. It drives me batty too. That's why I have been batty for the last 18 1/2 months. Hopefully he won't be scarred for life or anything.









ETA: Earlier in the thread when there was talk of people with picked-up houses "neglecting" their children, I think that's what was referred to-- letting them cry for five minutes while picking up. I suppose I could buy earplugs!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

p.s. When do they learn to understand "having a race"?


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
p.s. When do they learn to understand "having a race"?

Hmmmm good question. My youngest is 15 months and understands, she just sees mommy and big sis, who is 2, running and picking up stuff so she copies us. I think it probably depends on the child.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Somehow my posts got out of order when I was asking a question. Sorry about that! I was asking about something mytwogirls said, where she was saying something I agreed with but put it in a way that sounded like she thought I was disagreeing-- anyway, see post 115.


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## ~Katie~ (Mar 18, 2007)

First off, I don't iron my clothes nor do I wear makeup except on very rare occasions







I stick with wrinkle free fabrics for the most part. As for my hair, I don't have a choice but to style it otherwise I have a very unruly afro. I wash my hair every 2-3 days and style it after showering, then when I wake up in the morning all I need to do is a quick blow dry to get the bed head out. My DS normally showers with me or he plays upstairs while I'm showering (right outside the bathroom in his room usually).

As for cleaning, it never stays clean for long and I'm always falling behind in something. I rely on DH to help pick up at night, and we spend weekends thoroughly cleaning the high traffic rooms. Being pregnant and sick right now with a toddler is not helping so I really haven't cooked in quite a while, which doesn't bother me since the smell of cooking food makes me want to hurl.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I'm sorry to serial-post, but I didn't quite understand this sentence. My first posts today were about how it is a problem that he is so hurt when I pick things up. Then you say that would drive you batty if your girls were howling when you pick up, which is the same thing I was saying. But the "that is just MY opinion" makes it sound like you are disagreeing with me on something, and I'm not sure what that is. What am I missing?

I think I am confused...haha. I was not disagreeing. You asked about if you should continue letting him howl or give in and not pick stuff up? Is that correct? If it is correct, then MY opinion on the matter would be to let him howl, but comfort him, make a game out of it and hopefully he will understand mommy is not punishing him and he will get whatever he requested as soon as you pick up. Does that make sense now?


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## debmac69 (Jul 31, 2007)

I am one of those moms that has to get ready in the morning for work.

I get up at least an hour before the baby does and get my shower in and throw on a light face of make up.

I plan what dinner will be for the night, sometimes handling the prep work in the morning before he gets up...peeling & chopping the potatoes and letting them soak in water for the day...putting a roast in the crock pot and letting it slow cook for the day (I have the one with the digital timer).

I have my first cup of coffee before he gets up at around 7ish and then by the time he is up and needing attention, I feel like I have been able to accomplish something worthwhile that will help me finish out the day.

House cleaning is down to a bare minimum, but I think it's reasonable to have a few things that get done every week and the rest only for special occasions...the bathrooms, floors and light dusting get done once a week...usually on Saturday afternoon when he is napping and that's pretty much it.

Laundry gets taken care of when there is time...my husband is an awesome laundry folder & putter away, so I know if I get it all cleaned and dried, then he'll take care of the rest.

I guess that at this point, if I can fit it in, then it gets done and if not, then it just isn't a priority for that day, week or year! LOL


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## MamaRabbit (May 26, 2005)

Four letters:

M A I D

I am so thankful to live where I can easily afford someone who loves children and helps clean my house. I do not know how you mamas survive. I did it on my own with my first 2, but now with twins, if my helper is sick, I don't even get out of my pajamas or manage to get dinner made.


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## gypsyhips26 (Feb 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaRabbit* 
Four letters:

M A I D











that made me giggle....that's definitely on my wish list...

I'm really enjoying this thread, there are some really great ideas & suggestions...keep 'em coming mamas!








:


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
I think I am confused...haha. I was not disagreeing. You asked about if you should continue letting him howl or give in and not pick stuff up? Is that correct? If it is correct, then MY opinion on the matter would be to let him howl, but comfort him, make a game out of it and hopefully he will understand mommy is not punishing him and he will get whatever he requested as soon as you pick up. Does that make sense now?









Yes! I get it now. I was a victim of work-induced brain melt.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

I haven't read the thread yet, so I assume it's still OT

Quote:


Originally Posted by *missbuns* 
HOW DO YOU DO IT?

When I'm out and about I see these moms with full on make-up, nice neat clean hair, matching clothes, etc. When I go over to people's houses they are often spotless. Including things like windows and the high chair. Um...how does this work with a young toddler exactly? What about arts and crafts projects? How do you manage to knit full sweater sets, scrapbook the vacation from two weeks ago, make art projects with your 15 month old, etc etc etc etc. ??

Some kids nap for ages, which gives you time. Some people don't need down time, so no TV, books, internet gives them more time, especially if the kid goes to bed 3 or 4 hours before they do. Some kids spend more time playing independently. One thing I won't budge on is a clean high chair, so as soon as baby's down I wipe it.

Quote:

Another one I'm not understanding--cooking? I hear about how kids are only eating organic meals home cooked by mama or papa. This worked back at 10 months, but at the moment my daughter doesn't want to eat anything I cook for her besides spaghetti, noodles and cheese, fish sticks, chicken nuggets and sometimes mashed potatoes. Often she even refuses her favorites and it's Ritz crackers and yogurt the whole day.
They can't prefer something if they are never given it. I would have no idea if my child would live on McDonald's because she's never had it. You would probably think I was snobby when I said she went a month eating nothing but pasta with sour cream, broccolli and parmesan. They choose their food strike foods from things they know.

Quote:

I try and distract her by letting her "help" (putting away her own plastic dishes and plates, etc) but she won't have it and wants the ceramic plates and sharp knives.
See, this is temperament. One of mine would totally be down with doing the dishes, the other would be ll over the sharp knives.

Quote:

When I try to do the wash she wants to throw things in the toilet or play in the cat box.
Childproofing! Get a toilet lock, put the cat box up high where the cat can get it but she can't.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
You make it sound as though your LO is standing within your line of sight and not running around or throwing things, for up to 10 minutes at a time???? How did you teach her to do that? Seriously-- I don't mean "why" I mean "how"-- should I be coming down harder on DS discipline-wise? Or is she just naturally that way?

Mine is naturally that way, but a small house helps. She's always within my line of sight. And each room has things that interest her. While I'm getting dressed she jumps on the bed for example.


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

I am not one of those beautifully dressed, hair done perfectly kind of mamas. I am happy if my hair is clean and dry ( and done up in a clip ) and I am dressed. Sweats some days, jeans and shirt if I'm going out.

I take a bath with my ds every morning. I get out and dress, brush my hair and blow dry while my ds plays in the tub. He makes a huge mess sometimes with water everywhere but it's worth it so I can get dressed and dry my hair.

Laundry, I fold in front of the t.v. in the evening. Then I put it in the basket and put it away the next day when I am puttering around the house.

Dishes. I have two older teens and when they are home for dinner they do the dishes. Wash, dry, put away and sweep the kitchen floor. I Hate emptying the dishwasher so I usually get one of the older kids to do it or my dh. When I do dishes on my own . . . I fill the dishwasher then soak the rest in hot soapy water so when I get around the them they are an easy clean.

My lo is three and I find I get a lot more done now then I did when he was 2 or 1. He will play on his own a lot more now and watch a show or two so I can get something done.

I had to lower my standards of a super clean house and laundry done etc. when he was younger simply because I couldn't get it done. He still doesn't sleep well at night so I nap just about every afternoon with him. Some days I'm just too tired to actually acomplish anything huge. That's when we have veggies & dip with chicken wings for dinner.

Be kind to yourself there are just some things that don't get done. My sister and I commiserate all the time of how cluttered our homes can get and how hard it can be to get something done with our little ones underfoot all the time. It's overwhleming sometimes.

Here's my mathamatical formula for explaining why it just can't be done some days . .

Sleep deprivation + a wee child = cluttered home and a mama in wrinkly sweats!


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaRabbit* 
Four letters:

M A I D

I am so thankful to live where I can easily afford someone who loves children and helps clean my house. I do not know how you mamas survive. I did it on my own with my first 2, but now with twins, if my helper is sick, I don't even get out of my pajamas or manage to get dinner made.

I don't what I would WITH a maid honestly







If I had everything done for me such as cleaning and stuff, then I think I would be lost, completely just wondering aimlessly around the house searching for stuff to do. Of course I could play with kids, but I enjoy teaching them as we accomplish things throughout the day. For example, my two year old girl mashed up the (organic!) meatloaf for tonight...she LOVES it, plus it gave me time to chop the onions and garlic and toppings for it. Good for you to have a maid







!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

We actually have a weekly housecleaner, but that's only just enough to make up for the fact that we both WOH.

Sometimes when I was growing up we had a maid every day (depending on what country we lived in), but although they do a lot they don't do EVERYthing. For ex. I remember a maid vacuuming the living room while my mom and I cooked in the kitchen and vice versa.


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

I definitely agree with all of the posters saying that is has a lot to do with each child's age and personality. Both of my kids slept very well for naps and bedtime from very early on. I'm not sure how I'd get anything done if mine didn't sleep!!!

I shower after DD heads to school in the morning and DS is still in bed. Sometimes he's starting to wake before I shower but it always takes him quite a while to fully wake and want to get up so I've got lots of time. If he's already up and I need to shower I put him in his crib with some toys and take the monitor into the bathroom with me. I let my hair pretty much dry on it's own while we get dressed and have breakfast &#8230; then I finish drying/styling my hair (cuts way down on drying time and damage). I wear make up like twice a year but I'm sure I could find an extra 5 mins each morning to put on some mascara and lip gloss if I really wanted to.

As for cleaning, I like to break it down into little bits so it doesn't get so overwhelming. I usually straighten up throughout the day as I can. I sweep each day but only mop on the weekend when DS is napping. I'll spray the shower once DS is done bathing and DH will wipe it down before he showers. I scrub the toilet before I get in the shower. I do laundry once DS is in bed for the night.

Cooking supper is the one time that can get stressful in our house. Everyone is usually tired/hungry/cranky by then so I like to keep it quick and easy. Most nights we'll have chicken, fish, or pork. I'll stick it in the oven with some potatoes and then serve it with a ready-made salad from the grocery store (soooo convenient) or frozen veggies. We eat a lot of pasta as well &#8230; add cheese and a salad and it's a healthy meal. If we plan a big meal (turkey/whole chicken) I'll do it on the weekends (DH is home to help) and have leftovers and soup through the week.

I keep my wardrobe pretty simple. I find jeans and a button up blouse looks pretty put together, add a cute blazer and you're all set.

I hope you are finding lots of tips


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## MamaRabbit (May 26, 2005)

Even with a maid it doesn't all get done though. Small washing machine, hanging loads of laundry in a climate where it takes a day for it dry. Filthy city with constant dust in my house.

It gives me lots of time to actually spend time with my kids, preschool with DS, cooking with DD, etc. If I were cleaning all day my kids would be ignored.

I also wouldn't be able to spend an hour or so a day studying.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nichole* 
Hey there! I'm really jealous of all those put together moms.

My house is clean when people coming over. I do what it takes to get it clean, but couldn't have it THAT clean every day or I would pass out from exhaustion and stress.









:

I envy women who have spottless homes and look fabulous ("fabulous" IMO means something other than the raggidy sweats/staind shirts that I wear).

My house isn't "dirty" but there are pots/pans everywhere except where they are supposed to be, clothes/shoes pulled out of drawers that are scattered around the house, books thrown about, etc.

The last time I had my hair cut was a few days before my baby shower (April 2007).

I'm always trying to have a clean and tidy home but I can never seem to do it. I typically work 3pm-11pm (and 11pm-7am) and I'm a single mom to a 16 month old. I'm extremely tired so sometimes I'll snooze a litte while after my dd gets up in the morning. She'll play for a good hour until she forces me out of bed. Sometimes I don't get out of bed until 10am or so (after getting home after midnight and asleep by 1am or so).

Time goes by so quickly--I don't know where it goes. I'll get up and get her breakfast and drink cup after cup of coffee. I need my coffee. I need at least an hour to chill and drink coffee. I'm extremely tired and if someone let me, I would sleep 20 hours of every single day...so tired. We'll play and read a book or whatever it is she wants to do during/after my coffee.

I tend to whatever she wants/wants to do while I try to do other things--start laundry, put clothes away, whatever. She helps and it's awesome. Recently, I started putting her on a chair to help me with dishes. I wash and she rinses all the non-sharp/non-breakables. She has a blast--it keeps her entertained and allows me to do dishes w/o her getting into "trouble" or constantly fussing. (Of course there's a bit of a water mess aftewards...but nothing a big fuzzy towel can't take care of). It always seems like I'm cleaning but nothing ever seems to get done









Next thing I know, I have to be at work in an hour and we're frantically rushing around to get ready and fly out the door. That means: take a shower, only washing the "important parts", trying to convince dd to get in shower to at least rinse off, dry off, throw clothes on, brush hair (forgot to do that today and didn't have time to wash my hair) and put hair in pony tail (all while dealing with dd, whining at every little thing sometimes). Double check that I'm wearing all neccessary clothing







, get dd dressed (which takes forever), get her back packed, grab whatever else we need and haul everyone/thing out the door. Whew!

I get home from work. Sometimes dd is still up wanting to play. Sometimes she is sleeping. I should clean while she's sleeping but by 12am, I'm pretty darn tired. I eat a bowl of cereal (it's amazing I can survive on cereal and coffee) (and I wonder why I'm so tired







) and I go to bed....to get up and do it all again.

I need better time management (as well as a better diet which would help with my energy/being tired all the time). My days are just a blur. But I spend quality time with dd and I remember that. Can't remember much else though









I met a new friend who happens to be a nearby neighbor recently. She's my age with 3 kids. Her house is exactly like mine. SHE is exactly like me (no make up, hair not fixed, regular clothes, etc). She's the first person I've met who I can relate to like that. It makes me feel better. But I still want a more tidy house and I want to look better. This thread has inspired me.


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## springmama (Aug 30, 2006)

I'm right there with ya! I'm up at 2:00 morning getting some me time cause I fell asleep with the kids then got up to brush my teeth when ds FINALLY let me get out of the bed. I have the hardest time pulling myself together I don't know how other moms do it.


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## sewaneecook (Nov 1, 2005)

Something that helps me to both look and feel put together is to have a small wardrobe full of things that flatter me. I can shop at Ann Taylor very quickly because the clothes fit my shape really well and I don't typically spend more than I would at any discount clothing store because I only shop the sales (I don't usually pay more than $10 for any item, and usually less). This way, even if my house isn't put together, I am.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

Ok, my DD is 2.5 and it is a lot easier than it was a year ago, I agree with all the others that say walking-20 months is the hardest, hardest time. Still, my house is not as clean as I would like it to be, my projects are not done and I will fully admit that it is because I am lazy. I realized a few months ago that in just a few short years I will be back on "a schedule" when my DD starts school and that in a year or two I'll be dealing with a new baby and a toddler so I'd better live it up now and be lazy while I still can.

On a good day DD sleeps until after DH wakes up so he deals with her until he has to leave for work at 8:30. Otherwise I get up with DD and go back to bed when he gets up. She gets her breakfast and milk on the coffee table while she watches tv and plays with her toys. Lately I have been convincing her to stay in bed with me and watch a tv show while I sleep some more. For a while I was getting up at 8:30 and actually starting my day. For months and months I was getting up and dozing on the couch for an hour or so while DD watched tv and played around me. She was/is a crappy sleeper, still doesn't sleep through the night consistently and this is how I cope. I am one of those folks who could and did (before DD) sleep 10-12 hours a day, every day. I figured my dozing for an hour was better than being cranky and resentful and snapping at her all day long due to lack of patience.

I shower every day, I need to do that to feel human. DD watches tv, plays with her toys and wanders back and forth to the bathroom to visit. When she was younger I locked her in the bathroom with me while she played with toys. Our bathroom is pretty babyproofed - toilet lock, toilet paper up out of reach, bottom two vanity drawers filled with "safe" objects (brush, bandaids, maxi pads, etc).

I never wear makeup unless I am going to a wedding, that has always been me though. For clothes I am all about comfort. My "uniform" depends on whether or not we will be "seeing people" that day, ie folks we know and see on a regular basis vs just folks at the store or whatever. If we are "seeing people" then it is jeans and a nicer t-shirt or sweater, if not then jeans and a crappier t-shirt. My hair gets immediately put into a ponytail and then a hat if we are going out to the store or to run errands. If we are "seeing people" I dry my hair using the vents in my car, no lie, I have been doing this for years, it saves me the time a blow drying. I keep a brush in my car, brush my hair in the vanity mirror and I am all set.
Gotta go pay the bills now, but I will chime in with more tomorrow!


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## denvermom (Mar 14, 2006)

Makeup? Ironing? Ha! I think all my makeup has dried up. The only thing I insist on is a shower, but that may fall apart as well when LO #2 comes (next month)


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## Scribe (Feb 12, 2007)

This thread fascinates me. My mother told me once that during the short period when she was a SAHM (when I was in primary school and my brother was a baby and toddler), she mopped her floors every day and washed her windows once a week. This was in addition to doing farm type chores, cooking completely from scratch, raising and preserving food, etc. When I asked her how she got it all done, she said she always felt like she had tons of time.

I don't even have children and there is no way my house is ever going to be that clean. And what it comes down to is being a different person. My mom can't sit still--I've never seen her watch an entire TV program, for instance, unless she was also folding laundry. She just goes and goes and that's how she is. That's not how I am, though, and that's not a failing. For those who don't have that kind of natural excess of energy, sometimes things do have to fall by the wayside, and the important bit, I think is making sure it's the right things that are falling.


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## slsurface (May 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *debmac69* 
I am one of those moms that has to get ready in the morning for work.

I get up at least an hour before the baby does and get my shower in and throw on a light face of make up.

I plan what dinner will be for the night, sometimes handling the prep work in the morning before he gets up...peeling & chopping the potatoes and letting them soak in water for the day...putting a roast in the crock pot and letting it slow cook for the day (I have the one with the digital timer).

I have my first cup of coffee before he gets up at around 7ish and then by the time he is up and needing attention, I feel like I have been able to accomplish something worthwhile that will help me finish out the day.

House cleaning is down to a bare minimum, but I think it's reasonable to have a few things that get done every week and the rest only for special occasions...the bathrooms, floors and light dusting get done once a week...usually on Saturday afternoon when he is napping and that's pretty much it.

Laundry gets taken care of when there is time...my husband is an awesome laundry folder & putter away, so I know if I get it all cleaned and dried, then he'll take care of the rest.

I guess that at this point, if I can fit it in, then it gets done and if not, then it just isn't a priority for that day, week or year! LOL

Me too. It all comes down to planning ahead and prioritizing. I don't wear make-up, do my hair, or iron clothes, but I never did those things before DS. But I do spend time in the evening tidying, washing laundry, preping lunches, preping the coffee pot (I don't have a programmable one), etc. My house is neat and tidy, but not necessarily hospital-room *clean*. I do most of the real cleaning on the weekend while DS is napping or first thing in the morning before anyone else is awake. DS generally naps once in the afternoon from noon to 2-ish - this is a godsend! I dn't know what I'll do when the naps disappear!?









As for knitting and craft projects...I knit during my breaks at work and if DH and I stay up to watch a video after DS goes to bed I knit too. I average 2-3 small projects a week and 1 large project in 2 weeks. (When I was a SAHM, I scrap-booked, knitted or sewed during naps.) I spend most of the day on Sunday cooking, baking, and canning. DS "helps" sometimes, but daddy is also great at playing with him and keeping him occupied when I can't. Plus DS is good about playing by himself too. I get him playing with playdough and some cookie cutters before I start dinner. I plan simple meals that don't require a lot of prep or watching. I getting it going and then walk away from the kitchen to play with DS or do whatever else needs to be done.

I've personally found the toddler stage MUCH easier to do these things. When DS was an infant, he never napped, cried all the time, and had to be held or engaged 24-7. So I never slept and never had time or energy to do anything - it was rough! The toddler stage seems relatively easy compared to what I had before.


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## slsurface (May 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *avengingophelia* 
This thread fascinates me. My mother told me once that during the short period when she was a SAHM (when I was in primary school and my brother was a baby and toddler), she mopped her floors every day and washed her windows once a week. This was in addition to doing farm type chores, cooking completely from scratch, raising and preserving food, etc. When I asked her how she got it all done, she said she always felt like she had tons of time.

I don't even have children and there is no way my house is ever going to be that clean. And what it comes down to is being a different person. My mom can't sit still--I've never seen her watch an entire TV program, for instance, unless she was also folding laundry. She just goes and goes and that's how she is. That's not how I am, though, and that's not a failing. For those who don't have that kind of natural excess of energy, sometimes things do have to fall by the wayside, and the important bit, I think is making sure it's the right things that are falling.









, I think I'm like your mom. I never sit down for long (unless I'm sick) and I'm always doing something. I can't stand to watch a movie or TV without knitting or doing needlepoint or folding laundry at the same time...I always have to multitask.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *avengingophelia* 
She just goes and goes and that's how she is. *That's not how I am, though, and that's not a failing.* For those who don't have that kind of natural excess of energy, sometimes things do have to fall by the wayside, and the important bit, I think is making sure it's the right things that are falling.

Yes!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *slsurface* 
I've personally found the toddler stage MUCH easier to do these things. When DS was an infant, he never napped, cried all the time, and had to be held or engaged 24-7. So I never slept and never had time or energy to do anything - it was rough! The toddler stage seems relatively easy compared to what I had before.









And in many way's, I've found the opposite. When Naked Baby was an infant, I could count on at least one nap, usually two, with him on my back, and I'd be _looking_ for things around the house to do (since I was gonna be standing up anyway, might as well do something useful!). Now he won't nap on my back unless we're out walking, and he is only minimally tolerant of being worn at home (I do a lot of cooking with him in the sling on my hip, but that's not so convenient for, say, doing the dishes). So I do a lot of things with his "help", and sometimes I just don't have the energy. I get a lot less done these days.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

These tips are very helpful. Not that I'm getting everything done now, but it's either because I am choosing to do something else, or because I don't have the energy and need to rest. So at least for the last few days, I have been able to get as much done as I had the energy and inclination for-- big improvement!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
Yes!









And in many way's, I've found the opposite. When Naked Baby was an infant, I could count on at least one nap, usually two, with him on my back, and I'd be _looking_ for things around the house to do (since I was gonna be standing up anyway, might as well do something useful!). Now he won't nap on my back unless we're out walking, and he is only minimally tolerant of being worn at home (I do a lot of cooking with him in the sling on my hip, but that's not so convenient for, say, doing the dishes). So I do a lot of things with his "help", and sometimes I just don't have the energy. I get a lot less done these days.









See, that's the thing. Every baby is different, and every situation is different. It's so demeaning when someone tells you to prioritize, or to sleep when the baby sleeps, like you're too dumb to think of that yourself.

Some babies don't sleep, are colicky, and so on, and there is no 'sleeping when the baby is sleeping' as in my case. To this day, my ds requires less sleep than I do. Between fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism and lack of sleep, I was exhausted caring for him, and to have some UAV tell me all I needed to do was budget my time better and sleep when he slept was incredibly insulting and belitting. For a while I lived in the same house as my brother and SIL, and I saw what it was like to have a baby that slept, _and an involved partner_....no wonder I was tired!









And because every baby is different, different stages are more difficult for different moms. I was so thrilled when mine reached the toddler stage because that was when he finally was able to entertain himself and I could take 5 minutes to put on makeup or straighten a room. For me, the infant stage was the most miserable time of all, though the tweens have their moments.







2 to 4 was so much fun it almost made me forget how bad the first few month were.

I used to wonder, when I was childless, how it was that the mothers I worked with never had time for anything and seemed so disorganized. I _never_ wonder that now. Instead I wonder how they managed to not kill me.


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## slsurface (May 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
See, that's the thing. Every baby is different, and every situation is different. It's so demeaning when someone tells you to prioritize, or to sleep when the baby sleeps, like you're too dumb to think of that yourself.

Some babies don't sleep, are colicky, and so on, and there is no 'sleeping when the baby is sleeping' as in my case. To this day, my ds requires less sleep than I do. Between fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism and lack of sleep, I was exhausted caring for him, and to have some UAV tell me all I needed to do was budget my time better and sleep when he slept was incredibly insulting and belitting. For a while I lived in the same house as my brother and SIL, and I saw what it was like to have a baby that slept, _and an involved partner_....no wonder I was tired!









And because every baby is different, different stages are more difficult for different moms. I was so thrilled when mine reached the toddler stage because that was when he finally was able to entertain himself and I could take 5 minutes to put on makeup or straighten a room. For me, the infant stage was the most miserable time of all, though the tweens have their moments.







2 to 4 was so much fun it almost made me forget how bad the first few month were.

I used to wonder, when I was childless, how it was that the mothers I worked with never had time for anything and seemed so disorganized. I _never_ wonder that now. Instead I wonder how they managed to not kill me.









laughup You are SOOOoooo right! I'm still not sure how ds didn't manage to kill me that first year! I was lucky if I got a _total_ of one hour of sleep each day - and not all at the same time either...it was more like 10 minutes here, five minutes there... I also suffer from hypothyroidism and had inflammatory arthritis - both of which get worse when my body is tired and stressed - so I feel your pain







.

A good friend of mine had a great time when her daughter was an infant. Now that her dd is a toddler, she is having a lot more trouble finding time and energy to do things. So it definitely depends on the child.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *avengingophelia* 
This thread fascinates me. My mother told me once that during the short period when she was a SAHM (when I was in primary school and my brother was a baby and toddler), she mopped her floors every day and washed her windows once a week. This was in addition to doing farm type chores, cooking completely from scratch, raising and preserving food, etc. When I asked her how she got it all done, she said she always felt like she had tons of time.

I don't even have children and there is no way my house is ever going to be that clean. And what it comes down to is being a different person. My mom can't sit still--I've never seen her watch an entire TV program, for instance, unless she was also folding laundry. She just goes and goes and that's how she is. That's not how I am, though, and that's not a failing. For those who don't have that kind of natural excess of energy, sometimes things do have to fall by the wayside, and the important bit, I think is making sure it's the right things that are falling.

I think your mom and I could be related! I am the same way, I CANNOT sit still, I feel like I NEED to be doing something at all times (this is probably why I cannot put on weight) I too live on a farm so I have those chores, but the girls follow me and love helping collect eggs and hay the horses and check on the other things around the farm. It is harvest season so we have a lot of trucks coming and going so I have to be extra careful, but they LOVE riding in the combine for a drive. Anyway, yes I manage to get it all done because I think it is my personality basically. I think your post says what I could not put into words.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
These tips are very helpful. Not that I'm getting everything done now, but it's either because I am choosing to do something else, or because I don't have the energy and need to rest. So at least for the last few days, I have been able to get as much done as I had the energy and inclination for-- big improvement!









Good to hear. Just be careful and don't wear yourself out to the point of illness, that would be counterproductive to say the least







! Glad we are helping you out!!!!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *slsurface* 
laughup You are SOOOoooo right! I'm still not sure how ds didn't manage to kill me that first year! I was lucky if I got a _total_ of one hour of sleep each day - and not all at the same time either...it was more like 10 minutes here, five minutes there... I also suffer from hypothyroidism and had inflammatory arthritis - both of which get worse when my body is tired and stressed - so I feel your pain







.

A good friend of mine had a great time when her daughter was an infant. Now that her dd is a toddler, she is having a lot more trouble finding time and energy to do things. So it definitely depends on the child.











yeah, seriously. But actually, I was kind of wondering why _my_ _coworkers_ didn't kill me. What a little 20 year old snot I was.









FTR, I have always been a _can't sit still personality,_ and I still couldn't keep up with a baby who wouldn't sleep.







DS is a multitasker too, so maybe that's why he was so busy all the time as a baby....I just can't figure out how he recharges on so little sleep.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bigeyes* 
FTR, I have always been a _can't sit still personality,_ and I still couldn't keep up with a baby who wouldn't sleep.







DS is a multitasker too, so maybe that's why he was so busy all the time as a baby....I just can't figure out how he recharges on so little sleep.









That is exactly us! I have a can't-sit-still personality trapped in a need-to-sit-still body, which irritates the heck out of me but I've learned to deal with it. But trying to work that around DS's needs (he has the personality AND the physical stamina) has been pushing me over the edge. Which is why I've been eating up this thread!


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *avengingophelia* 
And what it comes down to is being a different person. [snip] She just goes and goes and that's how she is. That's not how I am, though, and *that's not a failing*. For those who don't have that kind of natural excess of energy, sometimes things do have to fall by the wayside, and the important bit, I think is making sure it's the right things that are falling.

Okay, that? Is SO TRUE. Bolding mine. Either way, it's not a failing.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
That is exactly us! I have a can't-sit-still personality trapped in a need-to-sit-still body, which irritates the heck out of me but I've learned to deal with it. But trying to work that around DS's needs (he has the personality AND the physical stamina) has been pushing me over the edge. Which is why I've been eating up this thread!

Well, fwiw, as they get older and less dependent upon us for everything, it gets easier. At least it has for me. I cried a lot when my ds was a baby. I think that was _the first thing_ I'd ever done in my life that I felt like a complete failure at. And people are so ready to tell you _how easy it is_ that your self esteem takes a real beating. I would see big families and think _*that woman* can manage all those kids and I can't handle *one* baby?_

Thank god the toddler stage was fun. I'm hoping I like my own teens as much as I like most teens I meet. The tweens are not my favorite stage some days, and that's been my experience with other people's children as well, so I'm hoping that bodes well for our teen years to come.







:


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

Well I am far from the put-together mom but I do usually turn in a reasonable effort at makeup, cooking, and cleaning. Here's what works for me...

1. Delegate. I don't know why my DH can manage nine TV stations but can't plan dinner, but that is the state of the home at the moment







. So I ask for help with things I don't think I'll have time for, so I don't get extremely far behind. If my DH isn't around I will get my mom to take DD for a couple hours so I can tick a few things off my list.

2. Get things in order, then just maintain. That goes for both the house and me. It takes a lot of effort to get a house clean, but much less to KEEP it clean. I find that it's worth it. A clean space saves you time because there are less things out for a curious toddler to strew all over the house, your clothes are always folded and where they're supposed to be when you need them in the morning, and you don't lose things. I let DD play and mess stuff up but the house is tidy every night before I put her to bed.

Same with your appearance. If you never wear makeup it takes a long time to put on. If you wear it every day you have all the right stuff and you're quick at putting it on. If you have a wardrobe that works, it's a lot faster to get dressed. I also plan outfits the night before, but I work and need to be out the door by 6:15.

3. If you don't have time to get things in order initially, see #1.

4. Small condo, less stuff, less mess.

5. I cook and shop by a meal plan. That also makes delegating easier if I need my DH to do a meal.

I think PP have some great advice about involving toddlers in chores! My DD loves doing the spray bottle if I mop or dust. She loves that she gets to do something "adult."

ETA: When I was a SAHM I found I needed to get DD and myself dressed and ready first thing in the morning. For some reason if I caught her just out of bed getting clothes on her took about a quarter of the time. So I would wear jeans and a comfy but not sloppy shirt around the house and just throw makeup on quick before we went out. If I left getting ready until after breakfast it could take HOURS.


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## threadbey (May 20, 2007)

I haven't read through the whole thread but just want to say FlyLady (google it) has helped me tremendously. Things are far from perfect, but things are under control in a way I can count on and I am no longer beating myself up about stuff.

My ds is easier as a toddler I think mostly because I'm finally comfortable letting him just be instead of thinking I must be a terrible mother if I'm not interacting with him all the time (most of the time). I know kids have different personalities. I know my kid is pretty easy. But we do have the moments where he wants the sharp knives and I just say, no thank you, and he has a screaming fit for a few seconds and it's ok.


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## MeloMama08 (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cotopaxi* 

I just let the cleaning lady go, she's about to drop a nap I think, and she's getting more of an opinion about how to do things.

LOL I thought you meant the cleaning lady!! I was like "wow, your cleaning lady's not entitled to an opinion so you let her go?!?"


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Finally got around to reading the last few pages of this thread (It's midnight here!).

So much fantastic advice and I don't feel so alone. I wish I had more friends I could really relate to IRL instead of just seeing people's clean homes and spotless children. Oh well. Most of us are the same inside.


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## MeloMama08 (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovemyfamily6* 
I'd be really interested in some fashion tips. I'm a very low-maintenance girl. I've never been fashion savvy and wear pretty basic things. For example, every spring I go to Old Navy and buy four or five "perfect t-shirts" in short sleeves and every fall I buy a few in long sleeves. I'd love some suggestions on how to look "put together" with minimal pieces of clothing in my wardrobe. I don't wear jewelry or other accessories and don't think that would change. For shoes, I own a pair of tennis shoes (my everyday shoes), a pair of high heels, and tall black boots. Since the heels and tall black boots also with tall heels are for dressier days, I always wear tennis shoes. Boring.

I just saw your post, which was probably written a while ago but i'm not usually on the toddler board because my babe is only 4 months.
Anyway I'm a low-maintenance girl too. One way that I look "put together" is that I make an effort to match my shirt with my sneakers. Maybe you could get a couple new pairs of shoes (foot locker and the like often have new balances and other nice brands on sale for 30$ or so) that go with the color schemes you wear. I have a brown pair of sneakers (goes with tan, olive, earth tones) and a white pair (goes with grey, black, pastels, anything really) and a grey/red pair (I wear grey a lot.) Then you can just grab a tee (long or shortsleeved) and choose the sneakers that go with it. I have done this for YEARS and it works great for looking more "put together." You can also layer two shirts. Like if you have sneakers that are black and grey just layer a longsleeved black shirt over a shortsleeved grey shirt so the grey is sticking out and then throw on the sneakers. Works every time. Hope this helps!


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I have two girls, almost six and almost one.

I'm a full time nursing student in my last year of university, doing my pregrad/consolidation.

I would like to say, just reading this thread makes me tired.

I guess I'm a slacker. I am so tired these days I could just cry and cry.

My mother has been coming over, to help with the cooking/cleaning/childcare.

I literally don't know how people have two WOH parents and do this.

I want to cook and clean and sew and knit and scrapbook and play...

(This may sound more bitter and down than I am, it's just really hard to have a messy, slightly dirty house and be the total wreck that I am everyday).


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## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nursemummy* 
I literally don't know how people have two WOH parents and do this.









s







s







s

You know what, I really don't know how SAHMs do it all either, especially students. Any way you slice it, it's busy when you have kids. I'm glad you have your mom around for support.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nina_yyc* 







s







s







s

You know what, I really don't know how SAHMs do it all either, especially students. Any way you slice it, it's busy when you have kids. I'm glad you have your mom around for support.

Eek, sorry - that was not intended as a jab.









I've just gone from being SAH for a year, and our lives are falling apart at the seams. When I was home, everything ran smoothly. So I guess I'm feeling angst over going back to work on top of everything else.

The lack of control is killing me; not being home during the day leaves no time for me to accomplish anything. I literally get home from a twelve hour shift to do three hours of homework.

My nine month old has SID and is up six or seven times a night crying. I'm a little frayed at the edges. Actually, writing this all out is making me want to call my counsellor before I bottom out.


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## cotopaxi (Sep 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeloMama08* 
LOL I thought you meant the cleaning lady!! I was like "wow, your cleaning lady's not entitled to an opinion so you let her go?!?"
























LOL, noooo, it was mostly because 40% of our net worth has been flushed down the toilet in the past 3 months due to the lovely economic turmoil.

Well, and actually the cleaning lady's also been getting a bit careless and has been breaking some stuff, which is annoying, and is rushing / leaving after 4 hours when I was paying her for 6 hours (without cleaning all the rooms in the house), so that made the decision a bit easier.


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeloMama08* 
I just saw your post, which was probably written a while ago but i'm not usually on the toddler board because my babe is only 4 months.
Anyway I'm a low-maintenance girl too. One way that I look "put together" is that I make an effort to match my shirt with my sneakers. Maybe you could get a couple new pairs of shoes (foot locker and the like often have new balances and other nice brands on sale for 30$ or so) that go with the color schemes you wear. I have a brown pair of sneakers (goes with tan, olive, earth tones) and a white pair (goes with grey, black, pastels, anything really) and a grey/red pair (I wear grey a lot.) Then you can just grab a tee (long or shortsleeved) and choose the sneakers that go with it. I have done this for YEARS and it works great for looking more "put together." You can also layer two shirts. Like if you have sneakers that are black and grey just layer a longsleeved black shirt over a shortsleeved grey shirt so the grey is sticking out and then throw on the sneakers. Works every time. Hope this helps!


Oh I didn't quote the original message.. but I meant to!
My main things are - for shirts, the shape has to be flattering. So if you're going to wear a tshirt instead of a structured shirt, which I usually do since my kids are so hard on my clothes, make sure the shape is nice for your body. Pull it out of the dryer or off the washing line and don't let it get too wrinkled and make sure you're not always needing to tug it into place or adjust it, because then you look uncomfortable and non put together.

Pants, again well fitting for your shape. If you wear jeans make sure you're not bulging out of them or that they're not sagging off your butt, I think darker jeans look nice, without any crazy rips or fadings on them.

Shoes - if you can, find some flats that are not sneakers. I found some beautiful knee high sleek and non bulky leather boots that are as comfortable as any running shoe and wear them as my every day shoe and having a nice shoe that isn't a sneaker makes a big difference. There are comfy ballet flats if you don't want a boot.
http://www.zappos.com/images/744/744...7-703117-p.jpg
My boots are kind of like this, only a chocolate brown with more understated buckles and leather, not suede, and thinner leather in the front. No sole or chunkiness. Very sleek, and 60 Euros. Mine are very lightweight and not insulated at all, esp with the ultra thin sole, so I wear thick wool kneehigh boots in winter under them and that works well.

A scarf, I have a pretty one that I got for 5 euros, it really adds something

Jacket: if you need a lightweight jacket, go with something structured that has a collar, maybe mid thigh or knee length (you can get these cheap and attactive from H and M for example, instead of a hoodie or a nylon jacket. The cost is the same, but you just look sharper. Mine receives a lot of wear because of my toddlers, but I remind myself that it was 30 bucks, looks great and I can replace it next year or the year after if the wash and wear from them makes my nice jacket too scrubby to look put together anymore. The nice thing is that it's versatile, so if you need to look really good... just skip the jeans, put on a sweater dress underneath, wear your flat or heeled boots, a scarf and there you go. The lightweight long jackets hide all of your clothing or body sins underneath, and are light enough that you don't have to take them off inside, if you don't want to.
http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0...=1208127561000
My jacket is similar to this, but not double breasted, 30 Euros. I have a shorter one too in brown.

An attractive non touque hat. I have a pretty velvet hat that I use when my hair is disgusting and I have to get out of the house in a hurry.


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## chick (Sep 12, 2007)

ok I'm not an immaculately turned out mum and very rarely wear makeup but here's how I manage my day...

I have my morning shower either before dd gets up (she might be awake but is still in bed and happy) or while dh has her before he goes to work.

I have a few chores for each day. eg. Wednesday is vacuuming day, Tuesday is dusting day etc. I clean the bathroom while dd is in the bath.

She loves to help me unload the dishwasher and the washing machine and I let her help me! We don't have sharp knives in our dishwasher anyway as it dulls the edges.

She plays in the living room or with me in the kitchen while I make lunch or do prep for evening meal. Or I prep while she naps. Even when she doesn't nap (e.g. today) she has a rest in her bed so I still have "time out".

I cook the evening meal once dh is home and he gives her milk and puts her to bed.

Evenings are fulled with more chores if not already done or relaxation! YAY! Often I will get my clothes out for the next day before I go to bed.

Personally I need this sort of structure or I'd go mad!


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Mine were high needs kids, so I had no chance of the clean house, the shower, or the make up. I just learned that it was not possible. I try to think that it's fortunate that my high needs kids were born to me, not to someone who has panic attacks over clean houses or their appearance, so that way it seems like a blessing to have been given such challenging kids.









My other thought is that my kids won't grow up thinking, 'wow, I had such a great childhood because my mum always looked clean'. But they might just appreciate that their mum had time to hold them when they needed it.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

There was someone who mentioned student mamas on here and I can relate to that. I managed to take evening classes for my accelerated RN-BSN program so DH watched the girls when I was in school. This was a few years ago but it was ROUGH during those times, no spotless house and neat and tidy mommy then for sure. I feel for you student nursing mamas (or student mamas in general!) and have my sympathy. But, just know for you nursing mamas it is worth it in the end. If you ever need any advice or sympathy PM me!!!


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## lula (Feb 26, 2003)

I would like to add that I would personally not have a chance to shower before 2 am if my husband didn't work from home...I put on make-up, shower etc. when he is eating breakfast with them....when he travels...well...it's a little different!


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *missbuns* 
HOW DO YOU DO IT?

When I'm out and about I see these moms with full on make-up, nice neat clean hair, matching clothes, etc. When I go over to people's houses they are often spotless. Including things like windows and the high chair. Um...how does this work with a young toddler exactly? What about arts and crafts projects? How do you manage to knit full sweater sets, scrapbook the vacation from two weeks ago, make art projects with your 15 month old, etc etc etc etc. ?? Another one I'm not understanding--cooking? I hear about how kids are only eating organic meals home cooked by mama or papa. This worked back at 10 months, but at the moment my daughter doesn't want to eat anything I cook for her besides spaghetti, noodles and cheese, fish sticks, chicken nuggets and sometimes mashed potatoes. Often she even refuses her favorites and it's Ritz crackers and yogurt the whole day.

I feel happy if I don't look like I live under a bridge (though I am embracing this look at the moment actually...pretending like my thrown together style is intentional helps my self-esteem a bit). If the house is kind of picked up (no noodles ground into the carpet, toys in the toybox instead of covering every surface of the floor) I am proud of myself.

Anyone? Are there some secret tips I am missing? I know it gets easier once the child is 2 or 3, but come on. I have to shower at night when my husband is home, if I want time on the computer it's at 11 pm at night. Every second of every day is taken up with a little one hanging on my legs, dragging me around by the finger, or pointing at what she wants. Something like putting on make-up is out of the question (she wants me to give it to her) or even emptying the dishwasher. I try and distract her by letting her "help" (putting away her own plastic dishes and plates, etc) but she won't have it and wants the ceramic plates and sharp knives. When I try to do the wash she wants to throw things in the toilet or play in the cat box. Today I finally put her in the empty bathtub so I could start a load. It's like this the whole day. So when I see perfect homes and model-perfect mamas at the park I have to wonder...

This message took me 3 hours to write, by the way. DD is having a quick second nap for the first time in weeks.

Here's how WE do it. What we do would not work for everyone, but I'll post it here in case it gives anyone an idea.

1) We *outsource* as much as we can. We have a cleaner who comes every two weeks and gets the hardest, most time-consuming work done, including laundry. We also have a diaper service that washes all our pre-folds. This means we only have do laundry every other week plus the occasional poopy diaper cover.

One side note. Both DP and I WOH full-time, and our income is such that the cleaning and diaper service together are only about 1% of our total income, so it's very doable for us financially. But the reason we hired a cleaner (before DD was born) was because of a talk I heard by a pastor's wife at a seminar for women sponsored by my church. She said that her husband urged her to get a cleaner to help when they had their first child, and they had always found a way to keep that in the budget, even five kids later and on nothing but one pastor's salary. Up until this point, I had been beating myself up about cleaning and feeling that I should be able to do it all and that I was a failure if I hired a cleaner. After that I let it go. I found a woman-owned service that fits our budget and tip really well.

Another side note: I've found that it's much easier for me to be patient for the time-consuming or difficult parenting stuff that _only_ I can do (breast-feeding, pumping, rocking her to sleep for an hour) because I have off-loaded as much of the other stuff that ANYONE can do (scrubbing the floor, washing diapers, getting batteries at the store). To me, this is priceless, and I would forgo a lot to be able to continue to do this if our current budget didn't allow it.

2) We have a part-time nanny who comes three days a week while we are at work. We chose her partly because she is willing to do errands with DD during the day and housework when DD is napping. We live in a walkable area and she doesn't drive, so errands are fun for her and DD and save that much more time for me to interact with DD when I come home. My inlaws watch DD one day and I stay home with her one day a week.

3) *Routines*. Sounds counter-intuitive but they give you so much freedom.

4) *Clean as you go*. When DD is done spreading hummus all over the table, we wipe her hands and face, then the table, and stack all the dishes. Then I get her out of the chair and set her down. I have enough time to wipe down the rest of the chair and the floor before she can get too far away to get into trouble. Then I take the dishes into the kitchen right away and put them in the sink. If DD is occupied, I'll wash them or put them in the dishwasher right then. If not, I'll get to them the next time she is occupied close enough to the kitchen that I can watch her. Or I'll find something for her to do in the kitchen long enough for me to wash her dish and cup and bib.

4) *Planning ahead*. Meal-planning, planning outfits, making lists.

5) Choosing more *do-able options for personal care*. I shower while DD sleeps in our bed or plays with DP in the morning. My hair is a wash and wear style. I run a comb through it and slick a little product in it and it is good to go. I wear makeup but it's just eye-liner, mascara, lip gloss and maybe a little eyeshadow. I also have a duplicate kit at work so that if I don't get to it before I leave in the morning, I can do it at work. Along with my wedding rings, I wear the same pair of gold earrings every day and sleep in them, too. I was wearing them when I pushed DD out, in fact! I have just a few pairs of really great shoes, so I don't think too much about which pair to wear.

6) I own two *slow-cookers* and a rice cooker. They are easy to use and dinner can be kept ready and waiting for whenever we get to it. I've had them for years, and none of them cost more than $30. They have more than paid for themselves in saving us the cost of eating out.

7) I put DD in a *mei-tai* to do things like unload the dishwasher, take things out of a hot oven, take laundry down the three flights of stairs to our building's basement, take the trash out. She's walking now so she doesn't like to be carried as much, but she can handle the five minutes it takes for each of these chores.

8) I *don't watch TV*, except for Packers games once a week during football season. I listen to the radio while DD plays or eats or nurses, though.

9) Things that require focused attention are done a) during her one reliable nap of the day b) while DP is home or c) late at night while DP and DD are sleeping. DD doesn't STTN, but we co-sleep and she nurses back to sleep pretty quickly, and my constitution doesn't seem to be bothered by those kinds of night wakings, so I can stay up until 11 and get up at seven just before DD wakes up and feel pretty refreshed.

10) I agree with the previous poster who said that kids don't miss what they don't have as far as eating goes. And I try out new healthy stuff simple stuff as often as I can to increase the range of what she'll eat. Recently I realized she was getting too attached to crackers, even the organic multi-grain ones, so we just don't offer them anymore or keep them in her sight lines.

That's all I can think of for now.


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## punkrawkmama27 (Aug 31, 2007)

I had to reply to this thread, even though I only got half way through it. I have often wondered that myself. One girl I knew online used to have this huge house that was spotless! SHe had like 5 kids, homeschooled them, knitted, sewed, had all these perfect pictures online of her and her family! I was so jealous!! I would think how in the world does she do it? But now I realize everyone, every mom, every family is different.

My house is clean until you get to the bedrooms, I have a rule no toys out of the bedrooms or playroom (I was so tired of picking things up). Here is how I clean, I get up 1-2 hours before dc and set the timer for an hour. I get my housework done for the day in that time, then at night when everyone is in bed I do the same thing.

I cannot go anywhere w/o my hair done (if I have to go really quick or dont have a ton of time, I put it up) and I cannot go out without my black eyeliner. I like the retro pinup look and try to do what I can with what I have and what time I have, but every little bit helps me feel better about myself, which in turn helps me have a better day. I always feel better when I feel that I am kind of put together. Also, somedays I just dont have time to jump in the shower, so it really helps to put on a little makeup and put my hair up, it really makes me feel good.

As for crafts, I sew at night when I am not tired and the house work is kinda done. It took me almost 1 year to finish curtains for our livingroom!

As for cooking and baking, my children love to help me in the kitchen. But if I am in a hurry to get it done, I have a cabinet in the kitchen that has cars and toys that they play with in the kitchen, or they go out back and play while I check on them and the food.

I really dont know how it is going to be after baby #4 arrives next month. Hopefully I will be able to get at least one shower in a week.


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## punkrawkmama27 (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mytwogirls* 
There was someone who mentioned student mamas on here and I can relate to that. I managed to take evening classes for my accelerated RN-BSN program so DH watched the girls when I was in school. This was a few years ago but it was ROUGH during those times, no spotless house and neat and tidy mommy then for sure. I feel for you student nursing mamas (or student mamas in general!) and have my sympathy. But, just know for you nursing mamas it is worth it in the end. If you ever need any advice or sympathy PM me!!!

I have been going to school to be a nurse pt for almost 6 years now. I have 3 classes left before applying for the nursing program (in Northern IL they now have an online hybrid program!!! YAY!!) It is hard! Dh watches the children at night and the house is always so neglected! I took this semester off because I am due 10 days before the end of the semester, but I am signing up for the CNA course that starts in Jan. It is only 2 nights a week, but I know what I am in store for... a terribly messy house.


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## Fay (Sep 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thalia* 
4) *Clean as you go*. When DD is done spreading hummus all over the table, we wipe her hands and face, then the table, and stack all the dishes. Then I get her out of the chair and set her down. I have enough time to wipe down the rest of the chair and the floor before she can get too far away to get into trouble. Then I take the dishes into the kitchen right away and put them in the sink. If DD is occupied, I'll wash them or put them in the dishwasher right then. If not, I'll get to them the next time she is occupied close enough to the kitchen that I can watch her. Or I'll find something for her to do in the kitchen long enough for me to wash her dish and cup and bib.



























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I'm trying not to wake up my nursling from laughing too hard!!!! Thalia, you have been blessed with docile, sweet-tempered children. You are very fortunate that you can step away from your toddler for a second or two to stack dishes or wash something. I'm certain that you would be shocked if you saw what my little Houdini is capable of doing in the blink of an eye. My whole day is one long adrenaline rush.







:


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Fay, me too! But some of the tips here really have been helpful even to me.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Okay, I'm here to abase myself before karma and ask for mercy.

We are all sick with a nasty head cold and have 25 family members coming tomorrow for DD's first bday. Cooking, cleaning, organizing etc... The one time we need to have a our sh*t together, we are knocked flat by a virus.

So I hereby renounce any previous claims to being organized or 'together' on the off chance it will make the universe happy.

V


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## kdtmom2be (Aug 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fay* 

























:







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I'm trying not to wake up my nursling from laughing too hard!!!! Thalia, you have been blessed with docile, sweet-tempered children. You are very fortunate that you can step away from your toddler for a second or two to stack dishes or wash something. I'm certain that you would be shocked if you saw what my little Houdini is capable of doing in the blink of an eye. My whole day is one long adrenaline rush.







:

And that devious little cackle that you hear from the other room after that dreadful moment of silence...









Lots of great ideas here... I think MY problem is putting them into practice and staying that way too! I shower with DD, otherwise on nights when DH is working I wouldn't get a shower most of the time. She will usually play happily in the tub while I wash my hair. Sometimes she just has a fit but at least she's out of trouble.


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## deadheadmomma (Feb 22, 2008)

I haven't read the whole thread, but here is how I handle some stuff. I have baby-proofed the bathroom so that DS can hang out in it while I shower and I just have to keep peeking out the curtain at him. I already am used to taking quick showers from when I worked as I always like to sleep till the last minute. I never have worn makeup or done my hair on a regular basis, just for special occasions so no worries there. I just get out of the shower and get dressed. Somedays I don't even get all the way dressed if I don't feel like it. We also have a gate in the kitchen doorway so that DS can watch me cook/clean in there without him getting into stuff and he's happy cuz he can see me. My laundry room is off my kitchen so same goes for it. We just got the computers moved into a separate room and child proofed so that he can be in here but not get into anything while I'm on the computer, or we can shut the door so he can't get in at all (if one of us is with him out of the room of course).

I think we have a pretty good set up. I don't stress on most of the cleaning. I do it when DH is home or DS is napping. He usually takes at least one good one a day. We also have an area of the house (the front room) gated off where my sewing machine and bookshelves are. So I can just go in and sew when he is sleeping and leave it all set up. The family room, dining room and hallway are his to run around in, we keep the doors shut to all the bedrooms. I did also just babyproof my bedroom where we co-sleep so that if he gets up he can't get anything.


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

I made it through the entire thread - yay!!







:

I am so happy to have read this thread - it was right at the right time. Last Friday, I had a meltdown (poor DH looked like he was about to call the local sanitarium)! It's so wonderful to know I'm not alone and to hear everyone's thought about put together moms. I USED to think that a showered, make-uped, fashionable mom meant she must be short-changing her kids - putting her own priorities before her kids' needs, sticking them in front of Dora for an hour everyday. But, the wiser me has learned that this is totally false (not to mention judgemental) and that a little Dora can do wonders









Thoughts - here are some factors that I think make a huge difference in how we transition into motherhood...

1.) Our previous situations. Before I had DS (he's now 21 months old), I worked freelance from home. I got up when I wanted, went to bed when I wanted, wore what I wanted, ate lunch when I wanted, made a phone call when I wanted (you get the picture). I was totally in the driver's seat of my life. I don't have any younger siblings, so I had never known true selflessness and having to assist others. In contrast, before my friend had her son, she worked as a hot shot lawyer in a big firm and HATED it. She worked way too many hours with scumbags (not that all lawyers are scumbags







) and learned how to manage under severe pressure. We both came from really different backgrounds prior to having babies and I think because of that, we both cope differently. I feel like she has an amazing amount of patience and you can truly see that even in the trying times with a baby/toddler, she is still waaaaaay happier to be doing that than getting drunk at happy hour with slimeballs. Then there's me - I constantly feel like I'm trying to keep my head above water. In a way, I feel like my life got pulled out from under me when DS starting crawling at 5.5 months. Of course, I don't mean that I'm not happy, but pre-DS, I was in the driver's seat and post-DS, he's in the driver's seat. Seriously, when someone is pulling you off the toilet as you are pooping, you are no longer in charge.

I've always thought that people who will/do make good parents are those whose previous job was being an assistant - preferably to a high profile person. They are familiar with truly being on call 24/7, not eating when they want, putting out fires daily, being prepared in order to avoid a fire and being yelled at when things are just so.

2.) Our babies' personalities (and their sleep). Lots of other pps have said this and I think it is soooooo true. For example, I can't even believe that there are people who wake BEFORE their LOs and/or their LOs just lay in bed while they take a shower. I've never known anything like this! The last few hours of the morning are those in which DH and I barely even roll over because we know any motion or sound will give DS an excuse to wake up and start the day earlier than he already chooses to. When DS was younger, I had a friend who was always made up with her hair done and a cute outfit and I assumed that she just stuck her LO in an exersaucer or something and ignored him for an hour while she got all dolled up. Then I found out that he would literally sit there and go through her make-up bag the entire time she got ready and that opened my eyes up to the fact that some kids can and will sit still for more than 10 seconds. Not my DS.

3.) The set up of our houses/condos/apts. I have a two story condo and most of the time I wish it was just one level. With having two levels, if DS wants to be upstairs, I have to drop whatever I'm doing downstairs and be with him upstairs. Then, in 2 minutes when he changes his mind, I have to drop that new project upstairs (that's even if DS will let me get into a project) and go back downstairs. I constantly feel interrupted! One thing that I love about our place is that the kitchen overlooks the big room DS plays in so sometimes I can get some cooking or dishes done while he plays. But, if your place is not set up to that you can easily see your LO, I think it's a lot harder to get things done.

4.) The amount of sleep we require. Other posters have said it, but yes, I totally notice this. DH can sleep way less than me yet he's still upbeat and fun while I'm barely keeping my eyes open. And again, it's not a fault of mine, it's just my biology. I've always needed 8-10 hours of sleep.

5.) The amount of help we have (or don't have). I have an amazing DH that still gets up with DS for two hours each morning so I can try to cash in on some quality sleep. But aside from his help, we have no family nearby and so I can never just have my mom come over for a few hours. I think this makes a HUGE difference. If I knew I had a few hours per week to have totally uninterrupted me time, I don't think I would stress as much about cleaning, errands, etc. because I'd know I could do it then.

6.) The amount of things we take on on top of being a mom. This includes working. I really know nothing about what it feels like to be a working mama, but I imagine it's crazy in different ways. I think you probably get to use the restroom without someone hovering over you (or maybe your boss is like that?!), but I know the time you probably have to do all the cleaning/chores is so much less. I have a little side business/hobby and EVERY time I think, "DS is so much more independent now - I can totally do some of this stuff again..." I end up having a meltdown and stopping it completely. I have learned the lesson over and over again that I cannot handle much more than what I am currently doing and that that's okay. It's hard to feel like it's okay sometimes when I really want to be doing my creative stuff, but in the end, for me it's better to have some moments of peace and not be working every time DS is asleep. I also remind myself that it won't be like this forever.

Now, some tips - and I have to say that I feel sort of hypocritical about giving tips when I feel like I still have a long way myself, but in case any of these help...

1.) Laundry bin with three bins for sorting - one thing that really helped me get laundry under control (as much as possible) is getting one of those laundry bins that has three divided sections (it rolls too, which DS loves). I think I got it at Target. It's genius because this way we pre-sort everything so whenever DH or I notice that one section is getting full, we just throw the load in. Before we did this, I NEVER did laundry - you can tell because DS has tons of outfits from the first year because I kept buying new stuff thinking he didn't have anything, but he did, it was just always waiting to be washed.









2.) Preparing a weekly meal list and shopping lists to go with it. I haven't been good about this lately, but on Sunday night, I write out the weeks' meals and the shopping lists for the entire week. I always have three or more different stores to go to (Whole Foods, Vons, Trader Joe's, farmer's market) and so if I have a list ready to go for each store and for a specific day, I am motivated to go and get the stuff I need whereas if I had to make the list before I head out the door, I probably would choose to order in instead. This does take some work to figure out which items I get at each store and which items I'll need for a specific meal, but it's well worth it (when I actually do it).

3.) Giving myself some slack and not trying to engage with my DS 24/7. ITA with the pp who said that she felt like she was a bad mom not engaging with her LO 24/7 when her baby was an infant. I too felt this but have loosened up recently and it feels so much better. But, DS is also the kind of kid that likes for DH and I to play everything with him - he will come and get us and drag us over to what he's doing, point to the ground and then say "Mama, down" - as in, sit down here and watch me. I can't blame him, DH and I are kids at heart and LOVE playing and are super silly







But allowing him to play on his own when he will and most importantly, not feeling guilty about taking a few minutes to myself, has made things a lot better.

4.) I know some people won't agree, but - giving in to a little TV, DVD, YouTube, SesameStreet.org, whatever. I don't think TV is evil, but I was never big on DS watching it. DH and I never have it on in the background. But, when you don't have any family around or a babysitter and you need to get something done, it is a lifesaver. Some weeks, DS watches a show a day (or more or less), but then we'll go weeks and he won't watch anything at all. I think moderation is the key (at least for us). But I'm not gonna beat myself up if he watches something while I cook us a nutritious dinner. And, as an aside, DS loves "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and at the beginning, Linus is eating an apple - something that DS has never had any interest in trying (along with most other fruit) - until he saw it on this show. We've read plenty of books with apples in them, I've eaten apples in front of him, but he's never been interested until he saw it on TV! The next time we were at the store, he made us buy an apple and now will eat one and point to the Charlie Brown DVD. So TV is not all bad









5.) When your LO is napping, do something that you can't do while they're awake. Even though there will be dishes piled up, I will let them be while DS naps and instead do something that I positively cannot do when DS is up - make a phone call to a friend and have a coherent conversation, sleep, surf the net and email, paint my toenails, clean my closet, etc. I can usually get some cleaning done while DS is awake so I try not to use up his napping time doing this.

I apologize for the length of this post and want to express my gratitude to whoever has lasted through it. This topic of feeling overwhelmed with motherhood is always of interest to me because I feel it almost everyday somewhere.

Thanks for the tips from pps - I especially took note of the easy hairstyle that someone recommended - the Victoria Beckham-type cut. I have to say that I have always resisted having a "mom haircut" and have kept my long hair, but it's always in a wet bun or up in a clip, so it's not like I'm making use of it and am therefore going to get it cut on Thursday. I can't wait! Here's a link to the style I'm getting (minus the black roots look) - sort of a middle ground to a short hair cut and my long hair...

http://www.hairzingers.com/images/sc...air-styles.jpg

And as an end note - I rarely feel like I look put together. My hair is never blow-dryed and I have that not curly but not straight type of hair. I manage to put on eyeliner, shadow and curl my eyelashes. I like to wear what's comfortable (if I was rich I would buy everything HardTail makes). And one day a friend of mine said, "I so admire that you look so cute everyday." It just goes to show that we may not be the best judge of how we look







(or our friends sometimes lie to us just when we need them to!)


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## Juniperberry (Apr 2, 2008)

this thread has made me smile...You are definitely not alone lol.

I have often looked at the other mums at the play ground and wondered how they managed to look so together... and my friends houses always look so pristine.

I'm basically a messy person by nature, so that really doesn't help my cause at all lol... To take a shower I just leave DS on the bathroom floor with a few toys and he plays away whilst i shower and put on mascara. If he throws a tantrum.. then so be it... it never lasts long. Or we take a bath together and I leave him in the bath whilst i get dresssed and do make up (watching him of course!) - this works well

Food - I cook almost every day... I wait till DH is home to do dinner. And lunch.. well, he likes to sit up on the counter and 'help'.

Dishwasher - Like a pp said.. I take out sharp knives quickly and then he helps me... he likes taking out all the cutlery and putting it in the drawer then i sort it later...

Ironing - I never iron lol.. I just fold as soon as things are out of the dryer. DS LOVES to help sort clothes and recently we've made it his 'job' to take out all the socks and he rolls them all up individually lol... means it takes longer but it gets done.

Toys / mess in living room - don't get me started!! It's a battle you can't win lol. We pick up toys once a day and I clean the living room every 2-3 days. If I clean the whole room and it's spotless.. it takes about 3-4 hours for it to look like no one has touched it in a month.

So.. you're not alone!! jobs can get done round the house but it does take longer. It's a good idea to let you little one help out. Mine loves to wipe too when I clean.. he has a spray with just water in it and he follows me round spraying and wiping.


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## limette (Feb 25, 2008)

First off I'm sure that the personality of your child has a lot to do with getting things done. My toddler and my 6 month old will happily play independently so that helps. The size of your house is also a factor. My house is pretty small and we only really occupy the main floor so cleaning each room takes very little time.

My toddler stopped napping at a year so that sucked. But she can be distracted easily (large sheet of paper with some crayons) or she can help out.

My hair is fine with just brushing. The rare time I wear makeup (I've never worn it much) I can put it on in under 5 minutes. I don't own anything that requires ironing.

DD1 helps with tidying and she is great at helping unload the dishwasher. I pull out the cutlery basket first and then she unloads the rest (handing each piece to me).

I cook pretty much everything from scratch. Since supper is a little more complex I usually make it any time during the late after when the kids are playing or dd2 is sleeping. If I make it too early I just heat it up when dh gets home. I enjoy cooking/baking so if I do anything really complex like canning I wait until dh is home and on parental duty.

Do things it little spurts when you get a chance.

I rarely shower alone. If I shower during the day I take both kids in with me.

I like to sew and paint but do it rarely and only on weekends when dh is on duty.

Dh does gymanstics and swimming with dd1 so they are gone for an hour for gymnastics and 2-3 for swimming two days a week. Again Dd2 is pretty happy sitting around chewing on toys so I can get stuff done.

The kids aren't always this easy going though, some days dd2 just wants to be held all day long. Dh picks up the slack.

The only thing that I rarely get to is the nursery. It's usually full of toys and laundry that isn't put away just because I can't be bothered to do it. The kids sleep in our bed so I'm never particularly motivated to clean the nursery.


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## nixie_nox (Jun 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
Yikes! I don't have the option of going to work unshowered in my pjs. I have to work, I have to cook most meals from scratch because of allergies. Having people look at me and think I'm ignoring my kids because I have makeup on disgusts me.

I would love to be too busy playing with my kids to take a shower. But unfortunately, that's not a reality for me and alot of other moms.

Seriously, for all the crap that moms judge each other so harshly on, this one wasn't even on my radar.

I don't think you are in this category because you are at work.

These are the folks who are at the playground at 12 that are completely put together.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nixie_nox* 
I don't think you are in this category because you are at work.

These are the folks who are at the playground at 12 that are completely put together.

And we have no idea what their life at home is like. I just didn't like the judging going on here. The thought that if you don't look like you just rolled out of bed, you're doing something wrong.

You can't do anything as a parent without someone thinking you're doing it wrong because you're doing it differently. I've gotten comments about supplementing with formula, vaxing, pumping at work, not cutting my son's hair. No matter what the decision is, someone has something to say about it. And does it matter if the mom next to you at the playground has makeup on? Do people really think less of her?

That was my point. If you saw me in the store at 3:00 on a Wednesday would you know I'd just worked 8 hours? No, its ridiculous to judge people on their appearances.

I don't want to start this debate up again. This thread has lots of good ideas and hopefully the main one is that not everyone is the same, not every baby/toddler is the same and you do what works for you.


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## sweetiee (Oct 14, 2008)

I don't know how/why they do it either. I went to a bday party the other Saturday. It was a child I didn't know, but that went to my child's school. She wanted to invite two entire classes of kids. There was the huge bouncy house, covered tables, the garage was spotless-didn't even look like a car had been in there. Half the moms looked like they had come out of a Desperate Housewife episode. High heels, designer jeans and big sunglasses. I mean, it was a 5 year old's bday party and were dressed like it was a fashion show. Oh well. I was comfy in my capri's and flip flops.


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## WhimsyMama (Mar 4, 2007)

I'm so glad you posted this. I totally feel the same way. My house is a disaster area at the moment. Earlier today I left the house in a rush and realized I had apple juice all over my butt, in addition to untied shoes, messy hair, and atleast two buttons missing on my sweater. I've definitely felt "less-than" alot, and it makes me sad, so I'm trying (much easier said than done) to quit comparing myself to everyone else and just do the best I can.

I'm also seriously relieved to hear about everyone else's toddlers only eating like 2 things a day. I thought it was just my cooking! My son wants blueberries and toast for each and every meal....








Jen


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

Haven't read all the replies...but here's how I function.
My house is not spotless and I'm rarely "put together" but I manage!
I get up before the boys get up to shower. I know that if I don't do this, I just won't get a chance to shower until bedtime and I hate sleeping on wet hair. So 6:30am it is. Which really isn't that early. Then I have 1/2hr to spend with DH as he gets ready for work, DS1 wakes up and says good-bye to DH at 7:30.
From there DS sits and eats his oatmeal while I do my hair and put on some makeup if I think I'll be leaving the house that day.
If DS2 is awake, I'll set him in the diaper basket in the bathroom to watch me do my stuff.
On the days I don't manage a shower, I can manage to lay DS2 on the bathroom floor with a couple toys and let DS1 brush his teeth ad nauseum (sp?) while I wash my hair in the bathtub. Or if I'm feeling particularly adventurous (or dirty/desperate!), I'll take BOTH kids in the shower with me lol!
I have my computer time with the laptop while knitting, nursing or reading...dial-up is so slow sometimes I can read 2 pages before 1 page loads on the comptuer lol!
I also start bread first thing in the morning, do dishes or hang laundry while DS1 has his snack - i.e. in his highchair, not running around.
DS1 just LOVES to vacuum so he'll follow me around and turn the vacuum on and off while I use it. It's a game to him, it takes me twice as long to clean but he's happy, it does eventually get done and that's all that counts.
He "helps" me do other things like clean the bathroom, dust, he'll put laundry away while I fold it. It's not perfect, but he knows what goes in which drawers...oh and we don't wear things that need to be ironed. DH and I have two dress shirts apiece that need ironing, they get worn once a year pretty much lol!
Anything else gets put on a hanger in the bathroom while we shower, by the time we're done showering it's been steamed enough to not need ironing.
I try to plan supper while the kids are both napping in the afternoon, DS1 naps from 1.5-3 hours, DS2 usually has a shorter nap in the morning then a 3hr one in the afternoon which overlaps DS1's a bit so I have a chance to either nap myself or have some time to myself.
Lately I've been doing a lot of cooking while wearing DS2 while DS1 runs around.

I think the biggest thing to my sanity is to have most of the house suitable for the kids. It's not "baby proof", but they know what's off limits and I don't have to be watching them like a hawk.
All my kitchen cupboards that are available to DS1 have things suitable for him to play with i.e. pots, canned goods, plastics. He has toys in the kitchen, as well as the livingroom and books in his room upstairs. The other 3 bedroom doors stay closed so I don't have to even think about what he's getting into if he's alone up there.
With the shorter days, it's easier to get the kids to bed around 8pm, then I have two hours to myself in the evenings to do stuff online, do some school work, sew etc.

Right now my biggest challenge is the sewing machine, I do not have it in a room that is suitable for the kids to play in. So I can sew with DS2 (not mobile yet) but not if DS1 is awake. I have to change that.

I know this is a wordy post, but I love reading how others get things done and love to share







you can never be too efficient and I know it's only going to get more difficult the more children I have.


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## BaBaBa (Jun 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Little grey mare* 
Haven't read all the replies...but here's how I function.
My house is not spotless and I'm rarely "put together" but I manage!
I get up before the boys get up to shower. I know that if I don't do this, I just won't get a chance to shower until bedtime and I hate sleeping on wet hair. So 6:30am it is. Which really isn't that early. Then I have 1/2hr to spend with DH as he gets ready for work, DS1 wakes up and says good-bye to DH at 7:30.
From there DS sits and eats his oatmeal while I do my hair and put on some makeup if I think I'll be leaving the house that day.
If DS2 is awake, I'll set him in the diaper basket in the bathroom to watch me do my stuff.
On the days I don't manage a shower, I can manage to lay DS2 on the bathroom floor with a couple toys and let DS1 brush his teeth ad nauseum (sp?) while I wash my hair in the bathtub. Or if I'm feeling particularly adventurous (or dirty/desperate!), I'll take BOTH kids in the shower with me lol!
I have my computer time with the laptop while knitting, nursing or reading...dial-up is so slow sometimes I can read 2 pages before 1 page loads on the comptuer lol!
I also start bread first thing in the morning, do dishes or hang laundry while DS1 has his snack - i.e. in his highchair, not running around.
DS1 just LOVES to vacuum so he'll follow me around and turn the vacuum on and off while I use it. It's a game to him, it takes me twice as long to clean but he's happy, it does eventually get done and that's all that counts.
He "helps" me do other things like clean the bathroom, dust, he'll put laundry away while I fold it. It's not perfect, but he knows what goes in which drawers...oh and we don't wear things that need to be ironed. DH and I have two dress shirts apiece that need ironing, they get worn once a year pretty much lol!
Anything else gets put on a hanger in the bathroom while we shower, by the time we're done showering it's been steamed enough to not need ironing.
I try to plan supper while the kids are both napping in the afternoon, DS1 naps from 1.5-3 hours, DS2 usually has a shorter nap in the morning then a 3hr one in the afternoon which overlaps DS1's a bit so I have a chance to either nap myself or have some time to myself.
Lately I've been doing a lot of cooking while wearing DS2 while DS1 runs around.

I think the biggest thing to my sanity is to have most of the house suitable for the kids. It's not "baby proof", but they know what's off limits and I don't have to be watching them like a hawk.
All my kitchen cupboards that are available to DS1 have things suitable for him to play with i.e. pots, canned goods, plastics. He has toys in the kitchen, as well as the livingroom and books in his room upstairs. The other 3 bedroom doors stay closed so I don't have to even think about what he's getting into if he's alone up there.
With the shorter days, it's easier to get the kids to bed around 8pm, then I have two hours to myself in the evenings to do stuff online, do some school work, sew etc.

Right now my biggest challenge is the sewing machine, I do not have it in a room that is suitable for the kids to play in. So I can sew with DS2 (not mobile yet) but not if DS1 is awake. I have to change that.

I know this is a wordy post, but I love reading how others get things done and love to share







you can never be too efficient and I know it's only going to get more difficult the more children I have.

























But you lost me at 'wake up at 6:30'.

If I even move a muscle in the early morning DD wakes up.


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## cjuniverse (Sep 22, 2005)

This really is a question of personality type/cultural factors/family influence/ideas about cleanliness, responsibility, etc. That said, never compare or compete. It's a waste of time. Be who you are and enjoy what you have (easier said than done, I know...but it sure does make life a whole lot easier/peaceful if/when you can pull it off







).

I'm a messy, unorganized sort. Always have been. I don't wear make-up or worry about clothes. I deplore routines (probably why I hate working so much), and prefer things to happen and/or get done spontaneously. I do have an extremely helpful/domestic partner (who loves to cook and likes to clean more than I do), so that's a plus.

Never compare, never compete. Who cares what other mamis/parents do? Do what you do. So long as everyone's happy and healthy and nobody's hurting anybody else, it's all good.


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## Maela (Apr 2, 2006)

It's so different with different ages, stages and phases. But right now, I am finally able to get some things done, have a fairly clean house, and do my hair and makeup.
Dd takes a shower with me. She plays while I wash my hair and shave. Also I only wash my hair every three days, which means I only blow dry it straight about twice a week. While I'm doing that and makeup she plays with the brushes and make up (closed). I only wear eye shadow and clear mascara, so doesn't take me long. Don't have a lot of clothes to choose from, so it's not hard to find an outfit.
The highchair is dirty and the floor around it is dirty, and there are usually books/magazines all over the floor (Dd loves to look at them), but otherwise the house is clean. The bottom shelves on both bookcases are full of books that Dd can look at and mess up. In the kitchen there are her alphabet magnets on the fridge and a small lower shelf with some knick knacks and pictures that she can play with. So I can cook and wash dishes while she plays with me in the kitchen. Also Dh helps out most days with watching her while I cook homemade dinners.
Dd likes to help me unload the dishwasher; she hands me one thing at a time (while I try to sneak away the knives and highly breakable items). She likes to help me take the clothes out of the washer and dryer and fold them. While I'm in the garden she's playing outside too. Our yard is fenced in, so she's safe.
Every Friday morning MIL comes over for a couple of hours to play with Dd. She loves it! And I usually do something that's hard to do with Dd around, like mop the floors or clean the diaper pail. That really helps. Maybe someday I'll take out the sewing machine while MIL is here. That's something I haven't done since Dd was born.

so I'm lucky to live near our parents and I'm lucky that Dh is a teacher and so doesn't work long hours. It was much harder for me when Dd was a young baby. She wanted to be held all the time, and didn't like the sling/wrap much.


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## shepardsfleece (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganf* 
I think it's a question of priorities. For some people it's their appearance, for others it's a healthy meal, for some it's a spotless house, etc.
I highly doubt there is anyone who can do ALL of those things with multiple kids without a nanny and still pay attention to their kids. And if they say they can, well, they're either lying or never sleeping.


I dont think its priorities, i homeschool and single parent 4 boys, ages 3 to 15. My house is clean, my clothes are clean, the children are bathed, I cook very nutritios meals 3 times a day, and all of us always look presentable. My priorities are my children, but we have a schedule during the day, and part of that schedule is making sure the house is clean, dishes are washed and we all look like human beings. Having a nice, not written in stone schedule when they are younger helps when they are older to learn priorities. Who want to raise a slob? Now, not every day is my house spotless, many times if you come to my house during homeschool lesson hours, the housework simply isnt done yet. I want to add something without sounding mean though, because Im not sounding mean, but I have noticed a pattern with people irl about housework, showers etc. How much time do you spend on the computer? Often times the time we spend typing about things on the comp are times we coud be doing something else,kwim? Well, just my 2 cents from a ironed, makeuped mamma with a clean house and a house full of children as well!







:


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## luckygreen713 (Apr 9, 2008)

I agree that it's all about priorities. I have 2 dd's, ages 1yo and 2.75yo. I stay at home with them. My house is messy but not dirty. It looks ok usually, put please don't start opening drawers or closets! I pick up toys and what not at least twice a day. My top priorities are making sure my children are fed properly, getting enough attention from me (including reading to them and playing with them)and making sure they have a clean, safe environment. When we wake up we eat breakfast, I might throw some clothes in the washer, and then we all get dressed. For me this includes a jeans and a shirt, hair in a pony tail, maybe some light makeup if I know I'll be going out later. Getting us all dressed usually takes a while, but we aren't in a rush to go anywhere most of the time. If we are in a hurry my house ends up looking disastrous becasue all my focus goes into making sure me and my kids look presentable, and the house stuff will have to wait until i get back (not a very nice thing to come home sometimes). I shower when dh is home and can watch the girls, or if I absolutely need a shower and dh isn't here I let my older dd play in her room and my little dd comes inthe bathroom with me and stands against the tub and drops stuff in the water for me to pick up 32 million times. Everything I do involves them. My older dd loves to help me with laundry, dishes, cooking, sweeping, and dusting. My 1yo tries to help but ends up undoing everything i do, so I wear her on my back in an ergo or a mei tai. If I didn't have a carrier to wear her on my back my house would definitely be a disgusting health-hazard disaster- I wouldn't be able to get anything done!! I LOVE my carriers!! To make things easier on myself, I try to have everyone sitting at the table for meals and snacks, so I don't have to deal with food on the floor, except in the kitchen which I sweep after every meal while the kids are still in their seats. I do make it a point not to ignore my kids for the sake of having a tidy hous . I just try to include them in everything. And my little one is finally able to be layed down once she's asleep so I get a break in the middle of the day when both of my kids are napping. This is very new to me though, and I still don't quite know what to do with my self









To the original poster, don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can and that's what matters. I think it's great that your child is getting all her needs met and that you are so attentive to her. This will have long-lasting effects that will make it all worth it. You should be proud of yourself!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shepardsfleece* 
I want to add something without sounding mean though, because Im not sounding mean, but I have noticed a pattern with people irl about housework, showers etc. How much time do you spend on the computer? Often times the time we spend typing about things on the comp are times we coud be doing something else,kwim?

I'm not trying to be negative-- because actually I got a LOT out of this thread, and my house looks much, much better than it did before this thread was posted last year-- but, in fact, my toddler does not scream, cry and have tantrums when I sit on the couch with the computer. He did scream, cry and have tantrums when I got up and went to the kitchen to do the dishes, when he would prefer to be playing in the living room with me on the couch. So getting this to work was not as simple as "just do it instead of being on the computer." No, I don't want to raise a slob, but I also didn't want to leave DS to CIO, which is what I felt I was doing when I went to the kitchen to clean up and he would get so horribly upset about it. He would get equally upset if I brought him into the kitchen-- he wanted to be IN THE LIVING ROOM WITH MOMMY, period. Except when he was only too happy to run into the kitchen and find something dangerous to do (like beating down the baby gate and rushing up and downstairs), while I tried to clean the living room.

And wearing him in an Ergo? in the house? forget it, that was cause for a major, full-out tantrum with him kicking me as hard as he could, over and over, and screaming "NOOOOO! SAMMY GET DOWN! GET DOWN! GET DOWN! NOOOOOO!!!!!"

We've worked out some solutions, partly based on this thread, which I'll write about later, but if you'll look at the rest of thread you'll see where it's a lot more than just "priorities." Not just for me, but for the OP and many others.


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## MamaVee (Jun 23, 2008)

My DH and I make it work, but that's exactly what it is - a lot of dang work! We are constantly picking up the apartment, doing dishes, etc.

I work FT, so I have to iron and do hair and make up. I either shut myself in the bathroom and DH is in charge of DD, or I put her in the bath to play while I do those things (and as someone else mentioned, thats also how I clean the bathroom - stick her in the tub!).

Another thing I do, when she gets really clingy and wanting attention - I'll put down a blanket, pillow, and her stuffed animals on the floor in the hallway outside the bathroom, and she can rest there and watch me.

As for organics, I make the same things you mentioned - spaghetti, mac 'n cheese, chicken nuggests, but buy the organic versions! lol.


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## mizznicole (Feb 13, 2007)

This has caused me to do a little soul searching. Reading what it takes to keep a tidy house is, frankly, really unappealing! Cleaning three times a day? Schedules from wake up to bed time? No wonder I can't do it.

I could really use a remedial housework teacher to come over and show me how to do things in a timely matter. My personality seriously wars against keeping house. I can't just throw things in a drawer. It all has to be perfect...so I'd rather stuff be strewn about where it's not supposed to be rather than messed up where it is supposed to be. Yes, that's nutty. Like I said, I need remedial help.

Plus, frankly, I enjoy having nap times to myself. I'm on the far end of introvert and I CRAVE alone time. So how to keep all these things in balance is something I'm not good at.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

You would do well with Flylady! She's all about not letting perfectionism get in the way of getting things done, better to get something sort of done than not done at all, doing small amounts at a time, all that. President Obama made a speech at some point in the last couple of months that had a line about "we shouldn't make the perfect into the enemy of the good," and I thought "his speechwriter reads Flylady!"

Anyway, I promised I'd come back and talk about some of the things we've done in our house since this thread was posted. The biggest change is that we got a step stool for the bathroom and I have gotten over my aversion to having water all over the floor. The bathroom opens right up onto the the kitchen. So I set DS up on his step stool with the bathroom sink stopped up, a trickle of water running, and some plastic cups and rubber ducks. Then I leave the door open and unload or load the dishwasher. I was worried when I started doing this that he would slip and fall more often, but he doesn't actually slip and fall any more than he used to. And afterwards, when I wipe the water off the floor, it's "mopping."

Another big change is that I've gotten used to the idea of literally picking up ONE thing at a time. This was hard to get my head around. Flylady had, pre-kid, gotten me used to the idea of doing a few minutes at a time, but often that was a few minutes too many for DS! SO someone, somewhere, suggested just picking up one book and putting it away; then one more a few minutes later, and so on. The water torture method of clean-up.

At Christmas time, my parents gave us a few, new, bigger shelves and an over-the-door shoe holder. That has helped too.

Finally, I've accepted that DS simply is never going to sleep as much as the average kid his age, and that to get the equivalent amount of "free" time, I need to get creative. He is in daycare because DH and I both work. I was, luckily, able to cut my work hours a bit, so a few days a week, here and there, I am able to spend an extra hour at home cleaning. This is cheaper than hiring someone to clean, based on my pay scale and local rates for a housekeeper. It's not thrilling to be home and have him not there; but at least I'm keeping a sanitary and safe environment for him, and I figure a lot of parents don't spend that time from 7-9 with their toddlers anyway, since many toddlers go to bed at 7 or 7:30.


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
I'm sorry I keep nit-picking at everything, but I really want to make some changes in my life and I need all the help I can get. So, when you only had one toddler, how did you handle this? If I were in the bathroom cleaning DS would be tearing up and throwing around all the TP, drinking the soap, and drowning himself in the toilet. Sometimes I can shut him out with a baby gate so I'm still "available" while he can't get in to tear the place up and kill himself, but he does stand outside the gate and cry. It seems like CIO.

ETA: in answer to the obvious question, when I have to go to the bathroom and DH isn't around to keep him out, I either just shut him out-- since it isn't as long as cleaning would take-- or I let him tear up the toilet paper.

A couple tips for cleaning the bathroom in particular. My daughter loves baths, so that is the perfect time for me to clean the sink, scrub the toilet, wipe the mirrors. The floor and tub don't get scrubbed enough, but I do that my DH is home. And I've gotten to the point that I put the toilet paper out of my DD's reach - that avoids all the tp ending up in the toilet!

Right now my house is chaos and it's literally disgusting to me. But, i'm in my 1st trimester so i'm trying to hold out a couple more weeks and then hopefully my life can get back in order. But, some little tips to help get chores done.

DD loves to help me wash dishes. I have two sinks so she stands on a chair in front of one while I use the other. The hardest part about that is getting her to stop!

And for cooking, i find something that'll keep her busy by my side. A big tray and a bunch of different containers filled with water keep her busy and if she makes a mess all of have to do is wipe up spilled water. There are other variations of this same activity - i've used oatmeal, salt, always finding new containers.


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Hey! This thread got bumped! I am going to re-read it and post some updates tomorrow.

And yeah, as far as for the bumper..it's not like I was sitting on the computer all day while my child screamed.

At the moment if I sit down for a second she pulls my hand and says "Mama OFF COMPUTER" so it's not even an option unless she is sleeping.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flower01* 
A couple tips for cleaning the bathroom in particular. My daughter loves baths, so that is the perfect time for me to clean the sink, scrub the toilet, wipe the mirrors. The floor and tub don't get scrubbed enough, but I do that my DH is home. And I've gotten to the point that I put the toilet paper out of my DD's reach - that avoids all the tp ending up in the toilet!

This would be a great tip for me if DS weren't terrified of the bath! He hasn't had a bath in about eight months. Showers and sponge-bathing only.

Quote:

And for cooking, i find something that'll keep her busy by my side. A big tray and a bunch of different containers filled with water keep her busy and if she makes a mess all of have to do is wipe up spilled water. There are other variations of this same activity - i've used oatmeal, salt, always finding new containers.
I do this. It does keep him busy for a minute or two until he runs back into the living room and starts to do some serious damage (probably slipping on the water and bumping his head in the process, which causes a lot of tears and screaming). I've learned to do a lot of cooking in one-minute increments since this thread was posted.

As for the other things I do, you'll find them in the post right above yours.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

I think a large part of it has to do with the personalities involved; both of mom and kid(s). I'm not, and never have been, terribly concerned with my appearance. I like to look clean and neat, but that, for me, doesn't involve more than having a shower every other day (my skin's too dry for more) and wearing clean unwrinkled clothes ( I buy clothes that don't need ironing, 'cos I hate it!). I'm also learning to be happy with a house that isn't necessarily always neat, but is clean.

However, though I'm reasonably laid-back in my own expectations of myself, I also know that I could and would get a lot more done with a different child. DD is very high-needs and has very bad and unpredictable sleep habits, and is a sleep fighter. So number one priority for us is making sure we both get enough sleep (because, like lolar2 I get sick if I don't sleep enough - mastitis was my constant enemy the first few months of DD's life, until I learned to ask for help and just let things slide when necessary). I have to go shopping every day for food, and cook every day too - these things are necessary otherwise we won't eat! But it makes sure we get out for some fresh air every day at least! I play with DD, read to her and try to involve her in some of the basics around the house - laundry takes ages here as we have to hang everything out to dry (no dryer) and DD loves to pull all the clothes off the clothes dryers...

I think the biggest challenge is to try not to compare ourselves to others. I know I'm guilty of it too - thinking 'How come that mom can do X,Y and Z and her kid is always happy and content, while I can never manage to get anything done and DD is constantly whinging?' but I have to cut myself some slack and realise that not all kids (or moms) are the same.


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## TearyCloud (Jun 12, 2008)

I'm a single mother, working and in school. I have very little help with my life. My home is almost always clean and it never really takes more than 15 minutes to get it looking good again. Everything has a place, so when it gets messy, I know exactly where to put everything back. I ALWAYS do all the dishes before I go to bed, but mostly I try to make sure that I'm doing dishes *as* I cook so that there's not too much work left over after meals. There's nothing I hate more than waking up to a full sink. Even on weekends (when I'm not working) I am showered, dressed and make-uped before breakfast.

On weekends, I wake up, hit "start" on the coffee pot and shower before I do anything else (I get the coffee pot ready right before I go to bed). usually ds (2) is playing on the floor in the bathroom or brushing his teeth the whole time I shower (he loves his weleda toothpaste and would brush all day if I let him). As soon as I get out of the shower, I start breakfast and let it cook while I throw on clothes. I put makeup on in the spare seconds between setting the table and getting ds dressed.

Even if we have no where to go, this is still the routine. I don't like sitting around or feeling like I'd look frumpy or slovenly if anyone stopped over. When ds is napping, I put on my headphones and listen to notes I've recorded for my classes. I clean while I do this, so two birds with one stone.

DS takes FOREVER to eat, so I usually sweep and swiffer when he's still at the table. Since I clean as I cook, the counters are rarely dirty and never cluttered.

I really crave alone time, but my priorities (ds and school and work) don't really allow for it. That's ok with me, because I know I'm doing my best to keep us level during this time in our lives.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

How do you keep him in the bathroom? Do you lock him in?


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## TearyCloud (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 
How do you keep him in the bathroom? Do you lock him in?

lol, goodness, no. He just likes to sit and talk to me in there. I keep the door open and he comes and goes sometimes, but he's not very mischievous, which I'm sure helps. Really, most of the time he just talks to me while I shower and I get to shave and take my time (which I don't actually take that much time, but he allows it on the rare occasion that I feel like I need a few extra minutes in there).


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TearyCloud* 
lol, goodness, no. He just likes to sit and talk to me in there.











I know, I know everyone keeps posting about it, but the concept of a toddler whose most burning desire in life is NOT to escape the house and dodge traffic in the middle of the busiest street in town, is just alien to me. I have trouble believing it. My sister was like that and so is DS, and it's just really difficult for me to understand that there is any other kind of toddler actually exists.


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## frontstreetmama (Jun 5, 2007)

My lightbulb moment was when I was reading The Mother Trip and she said how much better it was to have someone come in and clean her house then it was to pay to go to therapy! Sure, I love having a clean house! But, I don't really enjoy cleaning! I had my house professionally cleaned as a Christmas gift and I loved it so much that I sought out extra paying work in order to be able to afford to have her come every couple of weeks! I didn't even know that my blender COULD be that clean!

I have never been one to wear make-up just to wear it, once a month maybe to "dress-up" if I'm going out with grown-ups lol! But, I do find it hard to have downtime and shower every day. I have 3 girls (1, 7, 10) and I do daycare in my home 6 days/week for about 9 different children ranging from 1 - 10 (all various schedules, not all at one time) but my days start at 7am and go until 8:30pm and that's just when I have kids on the clock. RARELY are all children here sleeping at once and trying to clean one area generally results in another area becoming untidy. I also have a small house (750 sq. ft.). I *love* summer when we can all be outside more than in. I think that it is easier to maintain a clean/tidy home when you and your children are out of it 40+ hours/week (in my experience).

I have been working on organizing my house so that I *can* clean the three shared areas (living room, dining room/craft rom and kitchen) in about 1/2 hour -- 10 minutes per room! now that I have a spot for everything and don't keep anything that doesn't go in those spaces! (I even have a spot for the stuff that doesn't belong anywhere by the front door and when the box gets full it goes to the second-hand store!). I have to force myself to do this 1/2 hour tidy plus a bit extra for dishes if I didn't have time between supper and bedtime and have a shower before I go to bed but I would much rather veg online or in front of the tv since by 9 I'm usually pretty tired!!!

I also wonder how other people do it. I may sit at the computer/tv/read for a couple hours a day but of the 17 that I'm up that doesn't seem like a lot???

*sigh* I just keep reminding myself that I will miss the chaos when they're grown!!! (and that the cleaning lady is only a phone call away!!!!)


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## TearyCloud (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolar2* 









I know, I know everyone keeps posting about it, but the concept of a toddler whose most burning desire in life is NOT to escape the house and dodge traffic in the middle of the busiest street in town, is just alien to me. I have trouble believing it. My sister was like that and so is DS, and it's just really difficult for me to understand that there is any other kind of toddler actually exists.











This is an ACTUAL conversation we had this morning.

Me: Ds, tell me some things you like while I take my shower
DS: I like people lovin ds
ME: Who loves you?
DS: Mama loves me most. Gramma loves ds. Grampa loves ds. Uncle John Love ds...

This went on until he could no longer think of anyone. It was about five minutes. Then it digressed into:

DS: Excavator love ds. Skid steer loader love ds. Dump truck love ds.

He named every truck he knew, which was a LOT thanks to Richard Scarry.

I got to have a luxurious Sunday shower, shave, straighten my hair, put on makeup, all while he told me about "stuff" I figure I deserve the long showers after only getting two minutes in there before work during the week!


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Hair-washing: With toddler with bath-toys in the shower.

Makeup: when necessary, and toddler gets empty containers to play with. She wants the real ones but I have several empty ones I give her one after the other. This no longer works but she's older now and can play.

Ironed clothes: Nap-time when she was tiny, or let her play with the neighbour girl (when she was younger and we had a neighbour), now she plays with my mother.

Dishes: She plays with couscous, cheerios, or something else (my real measuring cups and water, for example) on the floor. Afterwards I sweep up and wipe down with a towel. Otherwise would never get done.

Dinner: Frozen veggies, a grain, and meat defrosted doesn't take too long, really. The whole involve-your-child-in-dinner would not work with us. She would eat raw meat (grabbing), get a frozen broccoli florette stuck on her tongue, spread $5 worth of grain all over the floor, whatever. She just does NOT follow instructions. She has some toy food she plays with as well.

Cleaning house: She "helps" and it does take forever because she does sweep the dust pile into another room, meaning, she basically un-does what I did, but eventually it happens. When she was littler I had her in the carrier but now, not so much.

I have an easy child and she also likes to spend time at her easle drawing occasionally. I give her tasks- "Can you read bear a book?" "Could you please put all the combs in this box?" to distract her. When she was 18 months, all I could do was surround her with something tempting (granola, whatever) and let her basically destroy one room while I ordered up another one. With some children there's not a lot you can do!


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## shepardsfleece (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mizznicole* 
This has caused me to do a little soul searching. Reading what it takes to keep a tidy house is, frankly, really unappealing! Cleaning three times a day? Schedules from wake up to bed time? No wonder I can't do it.

I could really use a remedial housework teacher to come over and show me how to do things in a timely matter. My personality seriously wars against keeping house. I can't just throw things in a drawer. It all has to be perfect...so I'd rather stuff be strewn about where it's not supposed to be rather than messed up where it is supposed to be. Yes, that's nutty. Like I said, I need remedial help.

Plus, frankly, I enjoy having nap times to myself. I'm on the far end of introvert and I CRAVE alone time. So how to keep all these things in balance is something I'm not good at.


I cant say I clean three times a day, I really just clean as I go along, kwim? When we are done with crafties, we pick them up, when I am done folding laundry I take care of it, when we are done with a meal, I clean up the table and do a quick handwash of dishes. Now, when the boys go to bed at night, I have my bath, and then I sit down do my bible reading, and work on my knitting. My boys have from a very early age been taught to pick up as we go I guess. Now, it doesnt always happen, but mostly happens.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cjuniverse* 
This really is a question of personality type/cultural factors/family influence/ideas about cleanliness, responsibility, etc. That said, never compare or compete. It's a waste of time. Be who you are and enjoy what you have (easier said than done, I know...but it sure does make life a whole lot easier/peaceful if/when you can pull it off







).










:


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

I've had to let go of a lot of things that used to be important to me.

My personal appearance has suffered since DS was born and let me tell you this is a HUGE change. Heck, I was a stylist in Manhattan and was always head to toe perfect in the most cutting edge fashions. Um, now I shower maybe 4 days a week, and wear sweats or whatever jeans still kind of fit since I refuse to spend money on clothes until I'm back to prebaby weight...which might be in like 2023 becasue I have 10 lbs that refuse to go away.

My fancy haircuts are now "is it even? then we're done."

Makeup I can still manage(when I feel like it) but again, I used to be in the business and know how to churn out a decent face in under 6 minutes.

I had to suck it up and hire help for everything else. I have a housekeeper come once a week. I also hired a "babysitter" who just kind of comes over during the day and gives me an extra set of hands. I rarely leave DS alone with her. Mainly she just follows us around. But even with this help, our house is still a whopping mess by 5:30 every evening. I'm still scrambling to pick up toys, do dishes, and put laundry away. I think I should mention that I could honestly care less anymore if the house is turned upside down but since it is on the market, we need to have it show-ready at the drop of a hat. It puts HUGE pressure on me to keep things tidy and clean at all times.

My biggest priority for my family is food. I cook everything-all three meals- from scratch and I will only cook with local/organic foods. This means I drive to so many different markets, farms, farm markets, and grocery stores to get what we need to eat. Luckily, DS likes food and likes shopping and cooking so he is my little helper and we make an adventure of it. But it leaves no time for anything else chore-wise.

I'm always tired, I always feel out of it, and rarely do I have time to look nice. But we're healthy and I don't have to leave DS alone with somebody else. So this is just how life is for us. Maybe down the road I'll dig my blowdryer out of the storage bin and look pretty again on a daily basis.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I think it really does depend on the personality of the child and parent (and how much sleep you get).
Before getting married I was really neat and organized. I had to be, I was in the Marine Corps and you don't leave your barracks room messy. Before the Marines I was a full time college student and tutored on the side, again I had to be organized. I got married and then moved to the other side of the globe (we live in Japan right now) and things just went downhill. It didn't help that I have horrible morning sickness for the entire time I was pregnant both times and we moved both times I was pregnant. I still haven't managed enough time to unpack.
When I had just one I would do things when DD1 napped. She was a decent sleeper (only woke every 1 1/2-2 hours, would nurse back to sleep) so I got a reasonable amount of sleep. DD2 isn't a good sleeper at all, last night she didn't go to sleep until around 2 am (I started trying to put her down at 8pm), she was up every 20-30 minutes and then DD1 was up at 630am. My husband leaves for work between 6-630am so he can't watch her. Pretty much Im living on little to no sleep for the past 4 months. The idea of someone spouse being able to do the morning routine is something foreign to me. Even on the weekend he can't take care of her for a couple of hours while I nap, I always end up with her on top of me (and a HUGE mess in the living room if I left her with him at all).
I don't have family around or even friends I could ask to help. Im prone to sever migranes (2-3 times a week most weeks) so that might also play a factor in why my house is a mess..

Honestly right now Im happy if we have healthy food and you can walk across the front room without stepping on anything. Maybe one day Ill be able to get the house clean, but right now Im more worried about not running myself into the ground. If I get a shower every other day Im having a wonderful week. DD1 is one of those toddlers you CAN"T leave alone. Last time DH left her alone (I was in bed with a migrane) she got into the locked medicine cabinet (she knows how to use keys) and got into the Tums. Luckily I needed to go to the bathroom and caught her before she took any. Shes also figured out how to open the front door so if we don't keep really vilgilent we end up with a toddler running around the building.


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## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

I shower with my toddlers. My oldest just outgrew the need to shower with me about 6 months ago. But up until then, I've had maybe a dozen or so showers by myself. I get out of the shower and let the girls stay in there and play with toys while I quickly blow dry and style my hair and put on my make up. Takes about 15 minutes. As far as the house...well, I'm still working on that one. I'm a lazy house cleaner. I hate laundry. That is my downfall. My house is clean except for the piles of clean laundry waiting to be folded and put away... I don't know why I have such a laundry hang up...


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## valkyrina (Dec 18, 2007)

As far as the house goes, I just invite people over. Then I feel like I HAVE to clean. A lot of stuff just gets hidden, in closets or the grown-up bedroom, but I also make a game of it with the boys. We play tag with the vacuum cleaner and they chase it around while I try to outrun them while vacuuming, or I give them rags and have them 'help' wash the floor while I do it. On a day-to-day basis, though, our house is a mess. For instance, I'm posting this and looking at a mountain of (clean) laundry and the day's dirty dishes. Oh well.

I do try to look nice, though, but it doesn't seem to take a lot of time for me. I wear my hair in a ponytail most days, and put on just a bit of makeup while the boys either nap or play in the bathroom with me. They play in the bathroom while I shower, too, although that's a very recent development.

It's hard, though, to get anything done when your kids aren't good sleepers. I'm lucky if I get a half hour of naptime, and although they go down at 7:30 and give me a chunk of time to get things done, we are up lots and lots in the wee hours. I find that taking b-vitamins in the morning helps with the exhaustion. But yes, my sleep suffers. And I suffer for it. I daydream about the night they both sleep all night, or even just till 4 or 5, without waking us up.

I also wonder sometimes how some moms can look so entirely put together, but I do think it's pretty harsh to judge them and assume that they are neglecting their kids in order to get that look. Some kids will naturally play on their own for a while, or nap really well. We might be jealous (I know I am), but why do we need to be so harsh about it?


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