# Why would my daughter spank her dolly



## alley cat (Mar 18, 2006)

We don't smack our children though my dd was smacked at first till we changed our mind set that would have been 3 years ago and my son has only been smacked once when I lost it a few months ago [never never again].
So today I saw my daugher smacking her baby dolly on it's bottom and I asked her why she was doing that she said" so she doesn't spill her
milk".
Why would she do that when we don't smack them , it's got me puzzled


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

My kids do this too. DH may have "spanked" dd1 4 times, dd2 certainly never was spanked. However spanking around here is so common, pictured in books, seen at the park, plus all the parents we know use it constantly as a threat in our presence. It makes me sad. However, I see every day that my dc have a number of creative and peaceful ways of solving real conflicts with real people so I think this is just a fantasy, so I did not react, did you?


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## Yooper (Jun 6, 2003)

I dunno. My dd "fixed" her baby with a wooden screwdriver yesterday. I has to grab a pot off the stove before she used the wooden wrench. I am pretty sure she has not witnessed or experienced any fixing of people with a screwdriver or a wrench...... Spanking is everywhere. I am sure she just picked it up somewhere.


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

Play can be a way for kids to process what they see and hear about in the world so it seems pretty normal to me. I bet if you notice it and ask if she gets spanked when she does that she'll be able to tell you that no it doesn't happen in her family.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

My dd does all sorts of things with her baby. It has really became a great way for her to express her feelings and such. She sometimes tells me "baby is crying" when really she needs more attention.

She hasn't spanked or scolded her baby yet, but if she had, I think that I would open up a chat about it, and see what is on her mind. You never know, she may have seen a mama spank her baby when you weren't around, and it may have caused her some confusion.

My dd has a few experiences that she often brings up long after the event.


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## LinzluvsGJ (Mar 16, 2004)

My older daughter (3 in less than a month) pretends to feed her dolls (when she plays with them lol) with a baby bottle (and she'll come up with weird things to use as "bottles") even though I nursed her and am nursing her younger sister (now a year old). She calls it baby milk (just like we refer to me nursing). :dunno: I think it's just reflecting on things she sees other families do or on shows she has seen.


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## alley cat (Mar 18, 2006)

Thanks guys for your responses I guess I should just not let it bug me. It's the first time I have ever seen her do that I guess.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Well, I would ask her, casually, why she is spanking the dolly. Which it sounds like you did, and she said it was so she doesn't spill the milk. I might ask if spanking doesn't hurt the dolly? Or suggest maybe we could just ask her to not spill her milk, coz we don't want to hurt her? Or I might ask where the child learned about spanking, and see about opening up the conversation that way.

If it were my child, I'd want to know if they were play-acting out the spanking from long ago. If they were, I'd want to take that opportunity to apologize and affirm that spanking was wrong, mama has learned better, etc.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Thismama, thanks for your post, it is good advice. Next time I see her being violent with her dolly, I will try to talk. Last time I did though, my dd said "My doll never does what I want her to do and when I talk to her she does not listen".... I don't know what to say ... It is true that my kids are not very obedient (I know on this forum there are moms who have GD'd well behaved kids) and maybe she is really act out is my frustration to this ....


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I always like to interact with the doll when it's getting some kind of discipline we don't use (time outs mostly). "Oh - dolly did something you wish she didn't? Come here Dolly - come sit in my lap for a few minutes. Do you need some connection? Do you need some mama time? That's OK." When you get bigger, you'll be able to use words to tell us things. That sort of thing. My 3 yo is simply enthralled when I interact with her dolls. I sort of think it's my DD way of guaging what I would do if she did something we don't like and it's her way of getting reassurance that we won't distance ourselves from her.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Ellien, what a wonderful idea! Thanks for posting ! !


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## Jael (Mar 5, 2006)

Is she ever around people (family, friends, babysitters, etc.) who spank?


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## quaz (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jael*
Is she ever around people (family, friends, babysitters, etc.) who spank?

That's what I'm wondering... or has she ever witnessed it.

While I think kids can pick up a number of things on their own, I'd think with spanking a dolly, that she would have had to witness/experience it somewhere....but who knows, my youngest will yank hair out of her sister's head, or my kids have hit me when they get realllllly mad/frustrated.... and they picked that up on their own.

Tammy


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alley cat*
We don't smack our children though my dd was smacked at first till we changed our mind set that would have been 3 years ago and my son has only been smacked once when I lost it a few months ago [never never again].
So today I saw my daugher smacking her baby dolly on it's bottom and I asked her why she was doing that she said" so she doesn't spill her
milk".
Why would she do that when we don't smack them , it's got me puzzled









I guess I'm a little confused. Do I have this right? Your dd was hit until she was 2? Did she witness you hitting your ds a few months ago?

If I read that right, it might be a wonderful thing that she is "playing it out" with her dolls, so she can process it. It gives you the opportunity to express that you were wrong to hit her and her brother and that she is safe now. That hitting is a "never, never again" thing. Maybe suggest she and her dolly get a rag and clean up the pretend milk spill together.

BTW, congrats on making that shift away from hitting...and support on your journey.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gaialice*
Ellien, what a wonderful idea! Thanks for posting ! !











Got that idea from someone else on the forums!


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## Clara's Mommy (Jan 25, 2006)

My DD is older (9) and she's done that too. She's never been hit at all (well..a couple times playing with other children, but not by us) and saw her doing that I asked her why she'd hit her doll and asked her if she thought it would be an ok thing to do to someone. She said OTHER people do it because some kids at school get "spanked" It was really sad to see, especially since she was thinking that it happens to OTHERS so it must be ok..


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