# The Choices No one should have to make



## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

I recently found out that my baby has died "in utero". It was 6 weeks old, I found out when I was supposed be almost 10 weeks. My body is still holding onto it.
I would like to hear from women who have chosen to try a medical (misoprositol or methotrexatone) rather than surgical (D&C) intervention, and from those who've had surgical or both interventions. I feel horrible asking for knowledge NO ONE should have and I'm sorry to be asking for this, but I want to make an informed decision.
In particular, I would like to know: what is the medical procedure like? is it painful? is it necessary to stay in the hospital during this process? did you have complications? was a D&C necessary afterwards for those who chose to try a medical procedure?
I'd also like to hear the same from women who have had a d&c, with the exception of the last question. I would like to know from those who have had a D&C: if you could go back and choose to have a medical procedure rather than a D&C, would you? and why?
I'm sure this all seems really.. horrible to ask from women who have already been through so much, but I feel like I have no one else to ask.

Thank you for your help.
Jacqueline


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## NWmt_mama (Jul 22, 2005)

again to you. I responded in another one of your posts, where I mentioned that I had a D&C after waiting for over a week. By the time I had the D&C, the baby had been dead for at least 3 weeks.

For me, I just needed to physically move on. My doctor did the procedure in the hospital. I was completely knocked out. When I woke up, DH drove us home. We weren't at the hospital very long at all. I was still drugged up and on pain medicine for the hour long drive home. The next day I was a little sore and my body started to "deflate" and go back to a normal size. I even think I went back to work. At that point I was emotionally able to grieve in a different manner and I was ready for that.

We were given the green light to TTC after my next cycle, at a checkup a week later. We decided to wait, but I had no complications. I have heard that after a D&C it takes a couple months for your uterine lining to rebuild. We got pregnant pretty fast after TTC again. So far, so good.

Would I do it again? I would probably wait a week or so again to see if it happened naturally. Usually I choose the natural over medicated way for health problems. But, it is so hard to wait, so I probably would have the procedure done if nothing happend for a while. I would also go to my acupuncturist immediately to see if there was anthing he could do to speed it along.

Good luck with your decision. I am so sorry for your loss. Many others in this forum have m/c on their own and will hopefully respond to give you another perspective. There are definite advantages.


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## 5thAttempt (Apr 22, 2006)

Sorry for you loss.
I had 5 m/c, 2 of them were spontenous - I had bleeding. 3 of them when the baby died and my body holded on to it. When this happend first time (my very first pregnancy) - I just wanted to have a baby out asap - I could not stand the feeling of being pregnant and not being pregnant. I had complications - lots of bleeding, pain, but they were probably because that pregnancy ended up being a molar (that was diagnosed by D&C). With my other 2 m/c - I chose to do a D&C because I wanted to have tissue examined for any genetic/other issues since I had many m/c in the past. You can save the tissue even if you m/c naturally but it is better to handle it in medical envionment for that purpose.
The procedure is quick is painless. You are in the hospotal by 6 am and out by 1-2 pm. The rest of the day you have to spend in bed. I did not had a lot of pain after, but after my last one - I had bleeding (not a lot) for 5 weeks - I took antx just in case there is an infection. I did passed out when nurse tried to insert a needle for IV during D&C #2 - from the pain of needle - I have problem with needles.

Looking back here is my view - I would wait a week or so and then I would do a D&C. Of couse it is preferable to do it on your own especially when the baby is so small - it will not be very painful. But thee is always a risk of infection when the baby stays for too long, besides, my experience shows that some problems are not diagnosed unless D$C is done (like my molar pregnancy).

Good luck in whatever you decide.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

No advice, but I couldn't read without giving you a


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

I don't talk about this 1st incident, I try to avoid it actually. But when my DD was 14 months old, I got pg again. Long story short...I had spotting/light bleeding and cramping. I found out I was pg at only 9 dpo. I wasn't TTC, but I remember the details. I had the 'abortion pill' at almost 6 weeks because the bleeding and cramping weren't giving up. I didn't fight for that pregnancy, which I'm ashamed to say. I didn't want to be on bedrest with another baby (with DD on bedrest at 16 weeks pregnant due to placental abrupto (sp?, bleeding and cramping)). With the abortion pill, I liked how I was in the comfort of my own house, I could chose what time frame I wanted to take it, and I got to say goodbye and wrote a letter to my baby as I was 'miscarrying'. When taking the pill, you HAVE to look for the tissue & sac.

At the 1 month anniversary of doing that, I had a break down. THat's when my DH and I decided to TTC for another baby. I got pregnant right away.

When my 2nd child DS was only 4 months old, I got pregnant again by accident. This pregnancy I fought for up until the day it ended. Same situation. I bled and cramped starting in the 6th week. It got heavier and more painful, but I wouldn't give up. 3 u/s and many bloodworks later it was determined I had a blighted ovum. I was supposed to be 10 weeks. I was devastated. I had a D&C done.

I said goodbye and rested my hand on my stomach right before the operation. At the hospital, they completely knock you out for it so I don't have any recolation. (thank god). Recovery time was longer I think for D&C only because I was very sore down there.

I've had 2 other naturaly miscarriages before, and I was so glad that I didn't have to go thru that again. I think I would opt for a D&C if the situation ever happened again. When taking the 'abortion pill', you have to go back for follow up visits to make sure everythings gone and ok. So you have to have an ultrasound done saying everything's gone. That was sad.

I just wanted to share that both options have it's ups and downs, but I would go for the D&C. It's quick, you're not awake for it, don't bleed as much afterwards, and you get to go home about 1-2 hours afterwards.


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

I feel horrible for not saying this, after I sent it....

I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no easy way about it. Just make sure to make peace with yourself and your lost baby before you do anything. It helps the grieving process some.

Again, (((HUGS))))


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## Astromom (Jun 19, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss.









With my first pregnancy, we found out at 14 weeks (18 weeks by my initial dates, but who knows) that we had lost the baby around 10 weeks. I was given the choice to wait, have a D&C under general at the ER, or have a D&C under local with the doctor of my choice. I waited 3 more weeks, then chose to have the D&C under local because the other doctors were all in agreement that was the only way I could guarantee that I would get the very best doctor (really important to me because I was particularly scared about damage to my cervix from the procedure). I think I can say it was the worst experience I've ever had to go through. It was very very painful and extremely difficult emotionally, and it took a long time. Finally, he stopped and said that he had to put me under because there was something wrong. So I ended up having the general anyway. It was a long recovery. I wish I had gone to a different practice, one that would have given me a medical option, because even though I'm sure it would have also been painful and difficult emotionally, at least it would be a little more natural than the doctor manually doing it. If it were to happen to me again, I've learned since that midwives can try different herbs instead, and I would probably try that first. If that didn't work, I would try the medical route, and if that failed I would do a D&C again (but only under general). I'm so terribly sorry that you are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you.


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## stayathomecristi (Jul 7, 2004)

Jacqueline, I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry that you have to make this decision.

With my first m/c I opted for a D&C. They put me fully out (something I wouldn't choose again), but the procedure went well and I had no complications or bleeding at all from it. I had no pain before or after the surgery. If I opted for surgery again, I would request "twilight" anesthesia or maybe even a local instead of general (the anesthesiologist did chip my tooth when they intubated me and my throat hurt for a few days afterward). They sent me home that afternoon.

With my second m/c, I woke up in the middle of the night in excruciating pain. In my case, I had an ovarian cyst that ruptured and a m/c at the same time. I did not need a D&C with this one. My doc did hospitalize me because she was concerned that I had an ectopic pregnancy, but once they determined that I hadn't, I was free to go. They had talked about methotrexate in the event that I retained anything or if it was ectopic.

I don't know enough about methotrexate to give you advice on that. My guess is that it would cause lots of cramping and pain, but I don't know anyone who has used it.

Do you have the option of waiting longer to decide? Maybe things will resolved themselves on their own (m/c naturally).

Again, I'm really sorry for your loss and hope that you are gentle with yourself as you heal.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

I have an appointment next Thursday with my doctor to see if everything is progressing "like it should". I'm worried that he will try to pressure me into a D&C, and since he hasn't mentioned any other options in the event that things are not progresssing, I think I'm justified in that.
The baby has been dead for 3-4 weeks at this point, so I'm not certain if he will give me any more time after that appointment. Hence my asking so quickly after finding out. I was working with his midwife through the beginning of this pregnancy so I don't know him at all. I had never met him before Monday so I don't know at all what he is like. He seems supportive but it really bothers me that he didn't even mention the possibility of a medical rather than surgical intervention.
I prefer to do things naturally if at all possible. I think my body and nature both know what is best, however, I know that sometimes they both need some help.
I am presently looking for red raspberry leaf tea and considering the use of blue and black cohosh to help things along, but I'm unsure where to find either of them where I live. Assuming that these "natural" things do not do what's expected/hoped for, I am leaning towards trying the pill, assuming that the doctor will even talk to me about it.
I'm sure I seem really unemotional and maybe even cold right now. I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure I'm mostly in denial and distancing myself from this right now. There is too much to think about and I'm not sure I'd be able to have the presence of mind to think about it if I was as sad as I'm sure I will be soon.
I really appreciate all of the answers I have gotten. I'm sure it must be difficult to think about much less analyze and write about. I'm sorry I have put all of you through this. You are all so incredible and such a wonderful help. I really can't express my thanks.
Hearing your stories has given me a lot of strength I would never have had otherwise. I'm so glad I found this forum.


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## mamallama (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

To me, talking about my miscarriage is healing. I was overwhelmingly sad and disappointed when my baby died, but beyond that I was furious. Furious that that getting good information was so difficult. I am happy to share my experience with you, because imo, this is something women need to know more about.

I went in for my 1st prenatal appt. at 12wks. There was no heartbeat. U/s determined that the baby had died around 7wks.

My back-up ob/gyn (I'm seeing a homebirth midwife) offered a d&c. He presented it in a neutral way. He said the risks of waiting to m/c naturally are about equal to that of a d&c. He pointed out that most women who decide to wait, wait for a week or less before the waiting gets to be too much to bear. I scheduled the d&c for convenience (didn't want to miscarry
alone while dh was out of town.) The next day I cancelled the appt. and rallied my girlfriends for support for the week dh would be gone.

The next week I started to cramp and bleed. I would have been 13wks. pregnant. The baby had died 6wks previously.

I have to go now, but if you want to know more about natural m/c, I'll be happy to share later.


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## Astromom (Jun 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JacquelineR*
I am presently looking for red raspberry leaf tea and considering the use of blue and black cohosh to help things along, but I'm unsure where to find either of them where I live. Assuming that these "natural" things do not do what's expected/hoped for, I am leaning towards trying the pill, assuming that the doctor will even talk to me about it.

Jacqueline, I'm also not exactly sure where to get things like cohosh (even though I'm the one who said I would go that route) -- I would have to rely on a homebirth midwife for a consultation and for dosage. Do you have any homebirth midwives locally? (I'm not sure what type of midwife you were already seeing.) I hope you can find someone knowledgeable and able to help you.


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## BBerryBliss (Sep 20, 2004)

I'm sorry for your loss.







I hope you find peace in whatever you decide.

I am supposed to be 10 weeks and the baby never got past 6 weeks for me as well. My body just yesurday started spotting a light pink. I am going to try and let things pass on thier own, because I don't want a D&C or any medical interventions.

I totally understand distancing yourself from it all. I am doing the same thing, and sometimes I am afraid I come off as cold or uncaring when people ask how I am. But really, I'm not anything.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

to you mama

My first loss was at 16 weeks (baby stopped developping at 14 weeks) we waited 2 weeks and still nothing was happening. I did not want the d&c so I took cytotec, I had a 10 hour labor and my baby was born peacefully at home.

My next pregnancy resulted in a trisomy 9 baby who died at 26 weeks, again we did cytotec but our son was born in a hospital.

The next pregnancy when we had another loss I was a wreck and couldn't imagine the whole labor thing again, this time I opted for the d&c, I liked that I would be "put under" and wake up when it was all over. That said my recovery from that was very long, I bled for months after and I feel it really screwed me up.

It is a really hard decission to make and one only you will be able to make based on what works best for you









take care

tara


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JacquelineR*
In particular, I would like to know: what is the medical procedure like? is it painful? is it necessary to stay in the hospital during this process? did you have complications? I would like to know from those who have had a D&C: if you could go back and choose to have a medical procedure rather than a D&C, would you? and why?

I had a D&C a month and a half ago after discovering that my baby (who should've been 19-20 weeks gestation) had died. The D&C itself was very easy, physically speaking. There was no pain at all. I was admitted to the hospital, given cytotec to help my cervix to soften. After waiting a few hours, I was taken to the OR. I was told that I would be given a cocktail of various drugs to help me relax. After entering the OR, they put a mask over my face, and I was out like a light. I don't remember anything until I woke up after it was all over. I bled heavily for a few hours, but it slowed down rather quickly. There was no cramping or pain AT ALL. I spotted for a couple of weeks, which is longer than normal, but didn't have any signs of infection.

If I could go back, I think I'd make the same choice. The potential for a large blood loss is greater during a 2nd trimester miscarriage than during a 1st trimester miscarriage. I'll also admit that psychologically, the D&C was easier. I was in so much anguish after I discovered that my baby was dead, I wanted it to be over.

I'm so sorry for you loss. I wish you the best in making such a difficult decision.


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## Twilight (Jun 9, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. I went through this in November.

When you see your dr. on Thursday, maybe you can ask to have your HCG levels drawn. They can sort of give you an idea if the miscarriage will happen soon on its own. If the levels are high, it may not happen quickly, but if the levels are low, it should start up anytime.

When I found out the pregnancy wasn't working out, I was spotting brown, just like you. Sometimes the spotting was a little red-tinged. I decided to wait it out, thinking that the spotting meant my body must have figured it out and was starting the process. The whole miscarriage took two weeks to complete after I started spotting brown. Started spotting October 29th, finished on November 11th. From the start to end, the bleeding just gradually got heavier and heavier... it went from brown, to red, to a full-on period-like flow, and then around the 6th I started passing clots and had very bad pain. I thought the miscarriage would be over in a day, but it took five. That surprised me. I was lucky that I had a job I could stay home from, and no real commitments that week. I think the hardest thing is just hanging around the house, afraid to go out because anytime you could have bleeding and awful pain anytime.

The advantage of the D&C is that you can schedule it for a time when you can be home to recuperate. But I am like you - I don't like general anesthesia and wanted to avoid having a medical procedure done when my body could do it naturally. Also there is some comfort and closure to having the miscarriage naturally. I got to see the sac (mine was a blighted ovum, no baby) and it gave me relief, in a strange way, to see it.

There's no right choice, only the right choice for you. You can decide what will be easiest on your body and soul.







and I don't envy you having to make the decision. I'm so sorry.


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

Jacqueline (sorry if I butchered your name)

I remember now that you brought it up that I did try the herbal way of miscarrying before I opted for the pill. You can look it up on the internet to get the correct dosages. I remember taking black and blue cohosh, with lots of vitamin c. There's also something called pennyroyal that's supposed to help also. You can get the herbs at GNC, even at walmart.

You have to take the doses around the clock, and it causes lots of cramping, but it does take a couple days to kick in. I got tired of waiting so I told my doctor I wanted to do it medically.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

In case anyone should happen across this thread and to clarify something for everyone here, I just want to say something about herbs and doing anything medical with herbs. Any kind of medicine should be taken under the supervision of a medical professional and I wouldn't try inducing the miscarriage without said advice and supervision. Yes, the information about how to do so is available on the internet, but that doesn't mean it is accurate and/or safe. One should always seek the advice of a naturopath or homeopath when attempting to do things the herbal or "natural" way. Herbs can be very powerful drugs.
Also, a warning to anyone who should happen across this thread: the essential oil of pennyroyal is toxic in any amount when taken internally. NEVER take the essential oil of this herb internally. It is an extremely strong poison.

Perhaps that seems out of place to some for me to be saying, but I wanted to make sure that if someone should come across this thread that they are aware of the dangers of taking any herb without medical supervision in case, like many in our western society, they mistakenly believe all herbs to be "harmless". Herbs should be considered a drug and used only under medical supervision like any other drug.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

With that out of my system, I wanted to take the time to again thank you ladies for your time in helping me to understand what my options are and what I can possibly expect in each situation. Since coming to this forum, I have felt like I walked into a room full of old friends and I greatly appreciate the warm welcome and sympathy I've found here.
I thought it would make things hurt so much more, but hearing your stories and advice has been a great source of strength to me. Perhaps it's just knowing that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling and the worries I have, or maybe it's because you are all amazing women who have given me your strength through this. Whatever it is, I am very glad I found this forum and the women in it.
To each of you, I am sorry for your loss and I appreciate that you can share the wisdom you have gained so painfully.
It might be horrible, but if nothing else this loss has given me one thing: a place where I am welcomed and feel amongst friends. I moved from Canada to the US to be with my husband nearly two years ago, and I've been missing that greatly. It might "only" be an online community, but it means so much.
Thank you.


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## KnittingMama (Nov 30, 2005)

Jacqueline - I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure by this point, you have a good idea of what you're going to do, and you are totally right, no one should ever have to make this type of choice.

I just wanted to post my experiences, just in case you're on the fence about anything.

When I was 20, I got pregnant because I was mostly a "lost soul" and being stupid. I opted for an abortion, which was carried out at 9 weeks. It was done via D&C through planned parenthood without any anesthesia or local numbing. I was completely awake and I was also alone (I was ashamed and couldn't tell anyone). It was the most painful experience of my life and extremely traumatic. Having had two unmedicated births, looking back I would have rather had the baby than have the D&C. I would imagine that having anesthesia or being "put under" would be much more favorable. I was sore for many days afterwards as well.

With my recent miscarriage, it happened at home, and the worst pain was the cramping. It happened quickly once it started, but I have to say that the fact that I was at home and that it was more "peaceful" has helped tremendously with my closure and grieving.

When I was talking with my midwife the other day, she said that her niece had a miscarriage and opted for a d&c for convenience reasons. It ended up scarring her uterus so when she was forced to have a second because of hemorraging with her second m/c, she is now unable to sustain a pregnancy because her uterus is so scared. I'm not trying to scare you, just saying that if you have to get it done, go with the best doctor you can. This might be hard to find out, but I wouldn't go to the ER for it, as you'll just end up with whomever is on call.








Many, many hugs to you...

ETA: Don't worry about sounding cold. I've kind of been in the shock phase this week too. It is all apart of your personal grieving process, and there is never any reason to apologize for that.


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## Jenns_3_babies (May 26, 2006)

JacquelineR

Thank you for posting about the dangers of taking herbs. It is strange to talk about using them when TTC, or having a slow miscarriage. I've had 4 miscarriage....2 natural, 1 D&C, 1 medically. I took the herbs out of desperation since my miscarriage was not 'progressing', it was called a missed miscarriage. I took the herbs in order to try to save me some money since I was at that time getting married in 2 or 3 weeks. But the herbs didn't work for me, and I had it done medically(abortion pill). I've read up on the dangers of taking herbs, since they are not regulated, women do die from overdosing or taking the wrong type of extract. I myself was too scared to take pennyroyal, as it is a very powerful herb.

What ever method you chose, I hope you have peace within yourself. You need to decide if you want to do it privately at your house, or in a hospital being knocked out, or twilight sleep. I have mixed feelings on having it done medically and surgically since I've had both. I really don't know what I'd chose if it happened again. I think it would depend upon the circumstances.

I wish the best for you, and you are in my prayers.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

Thank you, KnittingMama for sharing your story with me. I think I have decided to wait as long as I can to see if I can finish this naturally; no drugs, no herbs, no surgical intervention. The complications which can arise from a D&C are a big part of the reason I started this thread. I wanted to know how common it was (I know the doctor said 3% failure rate, but what do numbers really mean when you don't know what a "failure" of a procedure really is?). The emotional factor for me is the other reason for this decision.

I know it's not common in Western society for herbs to be considered in medical terms. Most people don't even mention to their doctors if they're taking any herbs. I did a 6 month self-study of herbs and for a long time was considering becoming an herbalist. Generally, when I have a medical problem of any sort, I consider what kind of herbs or dietetic supplements/changes I can take or make to assist in treating the problem, so it was natural for me to do the same in this situation.

Thank you all again for your knowledge and support in making this decision.
Wishing the best to you,
Jacqueline


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