# co-sleeping 'suggestion' from pedi...



## chrysalis (May 8, 2007)

i really like our pedi but what he said about me trying to get more rest at night is NOT kosher. he suggested (from his heart, i know...but still...it hurt MY heart) in putting sheamas in a bassinet or co-sleeper at night so i can get more rest as he feels we mamas sleep better when baby isn't right there beside us...like we are on more alert/only half asleep when baby right here compared to baby being much farther from our bodies!? i don't agree. i sleep so much better w/ my kids right there w/ me. and so do they. i know he meant well but i definitely KNOW sheamas nor i would be happy about this. so i'm not following his advice. if anything i'd be on MORE alert and get much less rest doing that. it just isn't me...not who i am. have any of you heard such a silly thing before? to me this doesn't make sense.


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## homemademomma (Apr 1, 2004)

i hear that all the time. i have a hard time sleeping if dd is more than arm's length away. last night i laid her down near the bottom of my bed (king size), and she was still sleeping when i went to bed. i didn't want to risk waking her, so i left her there and i tried to sleep in my normal spot. i ended up scooching over so i could have my legs next to her, or else i would have kept getting up every 3 minutes to check her breathing! and she is 18month old!


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## chrysalis (May 8, 2007)

i hear you on that mama. totally. and how would we know if baby was not breathing or hot or sniffly or spitting up all over themselves or puking or leaking all over themselves or rooting to nurse. or. or. or. ridiculous well meaning advice. i'd rather be sleep deprived myself w/ baby in arms. i won't even use this 2nd co-sleeper (had one w/ megh too...didn't use it either). its too far and over a hump for me. screw that. megh still butts up right next to me and i sweat my arse off at night but its worth it.


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## AimeeandBrian (Jul 23, 2006)

I started out with D in the cosleeper and got NO sleep because I had to totally wake up to feed her and I just felt like I had to watch her all night.
I feel like I get a complete 8 hours now since we have mastered the side lying nursing position. If she makes noise, I open one eye, latch her, and go right back to sleep. Its awesome!


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## GinaRae (Mar 27, 2007)

I don't get much sleep with him in bed with me. That's true! I don't sleep well. In theory then, I would sleep better if he weren't in bed.

BUT when he was in a bassinet I wasn't sleeping either. I was fully waking to sit up and check on him.

Some moms CAN sleep better without baby and I don't hold anything against them. But I know I need for him to be with me, as much as I say I wish I were sleeping better.


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## Curlita (Jan 10, 2005)

I don't sleep well with Conrad in the bed with me, mainly because if I am anywhere in the vicinity he wants to be on the nipple. And if the nipple slips out of his mouth, then it develops into a Situation.

One of the benefits of cosleeping that I've heard is that hearing their mom/parents breathing nearby helps babies learn how to regular their own breathing. That benefit exists if baby is in a cosleeper near the bed. It doesn't help with skin to skin contact, and BFing, but there it is...

Did you complain to your doc about not getting enough sleep? Or did he just come up with this? I think he probably meant well, but it's always within your right to respectfully disagree and do what feels right to you.


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## lisarussell (Jan 24, 2005)

i think it's good that you recognize dr was trying to be helpful. maybe some women would agree with him, but if you're not one of them then don't bother to even think about it anymore.

my LO sleeps on my chest at night























sometimes she'll lay next to me and i always wake up panicked. i wonder if she's trapped in the blankets, under another kid, dog or husband


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## Grace24 (Mar 9, 2007)

I sleep lighter when he's right next to me cuz i can hear every little sound and am always afraid it means he's waking up, but eventually I do sleep. When he's in the cosleeper he wakes more often, and it just feels WRONG, like, where the heck is my baby and why is he so far away? I like that he can hear me breathe, it seems ot calm him. So overall, I sleep MORE once I do get to sleep, when he's next to me.

A lot of mainstream people/peds don't get cosleeping. Ignore him. I'm sure he thinks he was helping...doesn't mean it works for you.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Moving to co-sleeping


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I get more sleep with DD in bed because SHE sleeps better. If she wakes up more, um, so do I... And co-sleeping I can lay down with her when she's sleepy and she'll sleep, vs trying to coax her to sleep on her own only to have her wake up again the first time she hits light sleep. I can't sleep at all if she's far enough that I can't hear her breathing.

I'm glad you realize it was intended to be a helpful suggestion, but not for me.


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## Faliciagayle (Sep 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Curlita* 
I don't sleep well with Conrad in the bed with me, mainly because if I am anywhere in the vicinity he wants to be on the nipple. And if the nipple slips out of his mouth, then it develops into a Situation.

*sigh*

i hear you!!!!!


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## scheelimama (Aug 2, 2003)

I think it totally depends on the mama AND the baby. It can vary so much just from one baby to the next. I felt the same as you with my first two, but this time around, I feel like I sleep a bit better having her in the Amby next to me. I still want her close so I can peek on her without leaving bed. But I sleep deeper without her next to me. I totally understand what your ped was saying and I think we do only half-sleep when they're in bed, but I get what you're saying, that you would sleep even worse with him not in bed with you.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

I do understand the not being able to sleep well with the baby/child in bed with you. I co-slept with my first for three months and I rarely got any sleep. I was constantly worrying and my arms were always falling asleep.

I'm glad you can blow off the peds advice though, I think we all go through it. My ped always tells me to turn my kids' carseats around at one year. I just smile and nod. And promptly ignore his advice.


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## wryknowlicious (Apr 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Curlita* 
I don't sleep well with Conrad in the bed with me, mainly *because if I am anywhere in the vicinity he wants to be on the nipple. And if the nipple slips out of his mouth, then it develops into a Situation.*


oh I am so there with you.
Thats the #1 reason I do not sleep well right up next to my kids.
That, _and_ that I CANNOt sleep when a baby is nursing. At all. I'm wide awake.

So I really think everyone is different on this. Everyone has thier own comfort level, ya know? My own DH likes ot sleep right up next to the kids, or at least with an arm or hand on their chest/back. He sleeps better that way.
I sleep better when they are with me.. but not with me - with me. There needs to be a distance there wither with a nother mattress pushed up, a co-sleeper, or a body pillow.

I don;t think your Ped was being ridicules. that sugggestion would actually work well for alot of moms.
i'm totally surprised your Ped didn't throw the "yer gonna kill yer baby! move it to another room in a big crib ASAP!!" crap at ya.
Now *thats* a bright side- right?


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

I can understand your doctor's advice and it actually worked for me. We had a cosleeper thing that attached right to the side of our bed. It was probably an inch lower than our mattress, with the side toward me totally open, but it was short, like bassinet length so it didn't take up much room and I couldn't possibly roll into it.

When my kids were born, I was SO sleep deprived and totally exhausted and stressed out that I'd have these horrible nightmares... of suddenly realizing I'd left them in the bathtub, or suddenly realizing they had been left out in the car for hours, or finding out I'd rolled over onto them at night and suffocated them. Total anxiety dreams that didn't help me get the rest I needed. I didn't fully trust myself to have my newborns in bed with me, but by putting them in the cosleeper and lying on my side, I could fall asleep with my hand on their little arm or leg and know they were feeling my touch and I was waking up to their twitching but not have that panicked feeling that I might roll onto them.

And, yes, I read all of the research about moms never really rolling over onto their babies and all, but I'm a big "what-if"er, and couldn't convince myself that I wouldn't be the one recorded mother in history to roll onto my babe. Until I got a bit more confident and could nurse in my sleep, I slept much better with my babies within reach but not actually in bed.


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## dillNY (Aug 15, 2007)

I'm one of those Moms who does sleep better with baby close, but not right next to me. For about 2 months he was in a bassinet right next to the bed, and then he seemed to start waking every time I rolled over, so we put him in the pack 'n play a little further away, but still in the room. The beautiful crib with the organic mattress is still lonely in the other room









Now that he's a little bigger, I do usually pull him into bed for the last hour so of the night, and sometimes nap with him in the afternoon. But during those times I don't sleep especially deeply.


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## jul511riv (Mar 16, 2006)

I couldn't do the human paci all night long while pregnant with another. It was time for some sleep (and I DO MEAN ALL NIGHT LONG...I kept a journal...I was getting sleep in 45 min. increments for over a YEAR!!!!)

sO AT 13 MO. dd got her own bed IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. It couldn't have been more painless. I expected drama. Not a word. We talked it up, picked up the bed together. Read stories and played in it. Talked about what day she'd start sleeping in it. And the first night she was off and running.

DS is 1 yr and still sleeping with us. I have no desire to move him out anytime soon. He nurses in a way I can manage (a few times a night) and I'm okay with that. Actually, if I get a 3 hour block, I'm usually ok. Of course it took TRUE sleep deprivation to learn that (literally jittering all day and halucinating and fevers and more from not sleeping...) This guy has been a cakewalk!

That being said, the moral of this story is that every child is different and it MIGHT actually help you to try it, if you are truly at your wits end. But if you ARE truly at your wits end, you will eventually try it because there will be NO OTHER WAY to survive.


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## LauraN (May 18, 2004)

nak

Co-sleeping can be done in so many different ways that depend so much on the individual parent and mother.

I think you're lucky to have a ped who only presented a different co-sleeping option, rather than telling you to get your child out of your bed or risk killing him.

That said, I'm glad you know enough to decide for yourself whether or not to follow his advice.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Honestly, it really depends on the mother and baby. Neither dd nor I got ANY sleep when we tried to co-sleep when she was an infant. She hated it and I didn't sleep at all (combine that w/ PPD and severe insomnia, and I was a basket case). So she slept in a cosleeper right next to the bed and we all slept much better.

Now that she's older, she likes to sleep with us sometimes, and we're happy to have her in bed when she's interested...but then I pretty much don't get any sleep. I've always been a bad sleeper, and I can only sleep in very specific positions, so having a toddler in bed simply isn't conducive to sleep for me. I do love the cuddle time--but if she was interested in co-sleeping all the time, I would not be able to do it.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

He's never been a mom, so how would he know?


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

My 2nd preferred her own room for awhile (though she seems to be getting out of that now) and it was so hard to adjust to! I sleep better when they're with me, even my 3.5 year old.


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## Mccmama07 (Mar 19, 2007)

I think it depends on so many things. DS2 slept with me from birth and it was the perfect set up. He was a great sleeper-3/4 hour blocks all night long until about 3 months when he suddenly STOPPED sleeping altogether. I would lay there with him next to me just waiting for him to wake up and root so obviously it was not a sustainable situation. I have 3.5 year old DS and a fulltime job so some sleep is necessary.

Around 5 months we started putting DS2 to sleep in his crib (the very next room over). The first few nights he lasted an hour, at most, but slowly but surely he started stretching out his sleep in the crib. I got some free time back at night, and when he started sleeping 2/3 hours in the crib (before waking usually from about 8-10), I started nursing him and putting him back down. Again, the first few nights it lasted an hour but he slowly started stretching out the second sleep too. Now he makes it until about 2am or so in his crib. I have my night back, I can get a good chunk of sleep and now when we co-sleep the second half of the night he nurses every 2-3 hours rather than every 30 minutes. Everyone is much happier and I sleep like a rock when he's in the crib or in bed!!

FTR-I have a video monitor so even when he's sleeping in the next room I can watch him


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wryknowlicious* 
I sleep better when they are with me.. but not with me - with me. There needs to be a distance there wither with a nother mattress pushed up, a co-sleeper, or a body pillow.

I don;t think your Ped was being ridicules. that sugggestion would actually work well for alot of moms.
i'm totally surprised your Ped didn't throw the "yer gonna kill yer baby! move it to another room in a big crib ASAP!!" crap at ya.
Now *thats* a bright side- right?

You know, I was sure this was going to be a pediatrician saying "Oh, baby needs to be in their own room down the hall with the door closed and locked." Suggesting a cosleeper is actually pretty progressive for a ped.

We started out most nights in a sidecarred bassinet, and it worked pretty well. It meant that until the first waking, I got deeper sleep. Then usually after that, they were in bed with us. That stretch of deeper sleep at the start of the night made a huge difference in my ability to deal with everything. I found that I couldn't be a "roll over and nurse in my sleep" person - there was too much breast management involved. But baby was within touch range - I could sleep with my hand on his back, he could hear my breathing and feel my presence.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

With the baby in the bed, with the baby in the sidecar crib: either way I couldn't sleep well. (I'm a worry wart - the first time he slept for a six hour stretch @ 3 mo at didn't even enjoy it, I woke up every hour to make sure he was breathing)

I'm so glad my 5yo is letting me get some sleep now, cause in a few months I'll be doing the no sleep thing all over again.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chrysalis* 
he feels we mamas sleep better when baby isn't right there beside us...like we are on more alert/only half asleep when baby right here compared to baby being much farther from our bodies!?

this perfectly describes how i felt when DD was a tiny baby. i couldn't sleep at all with her next to me. at ALL. i was on constant alert. so...i don't think what he said is silly, and it's certainly not terrible, it just doesn't happen to apply to you.










luckily that's passed now and i can sleep with her next to me (useful since she'll no longer sleep in a sidecar when i'm in the room).

but really, what he said could have been much worse...DD's doctor suggested CIO to me when she was 2 months old







:

i think the lesson in it for both of us is just don't talk to the pedi about sleep! unless you suspect there is an underlying medical issue to any sleep "problem," it's just not worth bringing up to the doctor. he will probably feel you're asking for a solution of some kind, and he'll give you advice you don't like


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