# Would you NIP at a wedding?



## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

We are going to a wedding tomorrow night for a friend of DH's. I have never met this friend nor any one else there. I need to dress up (obviously) and dont think I want to be pulling out the boobs in the middle of the ceremony. I am planning to take a bottle of EBM to give ds. I just wondered if anyone here had bf at a wedding or how you think you would handle that.... I kind of feel like I am wussing out!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Sure. Why wouldn't I? I'd dress in easy access clothing and carry on like what I was doing was perfectly normal, because that's what I believe it is.


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## PGNPORTLAND (Jul 9, 2005)

I would nurse her in the rain, I would nurse her on a train, I would nurse her on a float, I would nurse her on a boat . . . .

nurse her, nurse her Sam - I - Am


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## Snowdrift (Oct 15, 2005)

Yes, I would. If I'm there and my DD is there, then I will nurse there, where ever there might be.

I also sure wouldn't want to try the very fun adventure of getting DD to take a bottle from me (something I've never tried, but know can be difficult) at a wedding, when she would already be frazzled from all the noise and people.


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## FreeSpiritMama (Oct 22, 2003)

I would nurse and just handle it likes its the most natural thing in the world ( which of course it is







)


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

I would.

I don't go ANYWHERE I can't nurse.

I have nursed though every church service, and an ordination.

and I have yet to go anywhre i could not take DS -- DH and I have gone to dinner when he was with my folks, for short amounts of time, at our choice, but no one is going to tell me i can't bring him.

I would wear a nice skirt and a cami -- someinthing silky -- doesn't ahve to be nurseing per-say just some thing that can be pulled aside...and a nice button up blose over it

and a sling or baby carrier and you are set -- if dc is young enough no one will even know.

Nurseing is great -- what a way to shut up a noise babe -- or distract or clam one who is getting broed or tired or frazzled. a bottle jsut doesn't have the same effect.

Also -- wedding is about family, babes are family, nurseig is about family -- i can't think of a better place to do it.

i have a pic of my 2.5 yo DN nurseing with his mom in a maid-of-honor dress at the main table at my wedding. LOVE IT. (he is licking iceing off his fingers too)


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## Bartock (Feb 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
Sure. Why wouldn't I? I'd dress in easy access clothing and carry on like what I was doing was perfectly normal, because that's what I believe it is.

















:


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## Sabo (Sep 22, 2006)

In all liklihood, both the bride and groom would be happier that there was a contentedly nursed child there than a whining or worse yet, screaming child. Think of any wedding video that you have watched; in the middle of a beautiful love poem or the vows, there is that quiet whimper that becomes a scream. Children can be unpredictable and may be quiet or loud at any moment. A child who is used to being bf will probably react better if his feeding method is not changed abruptly.

You would be doing everyone a favor by bfing (and you'd do yourself a favor, 'cause its easier than lugging the bottles).


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

I would nurse....but then I don't give bottles to my babes, so that wouldn't be an option for me. My kids MUST nurse, they aren't bottlefed. ( and they wouldn't take one either)


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

I would absolutely nurse at a wedding. I'd just wear a dress or skirt/shirt set that is accomidating.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

Let me preface this by saying I normally whip it out anywhere and everywhere. However, I chose to use the lovely powder room they had adjacent to the bathrooms- it was kind of like a lounge area that everyone had to pass through to go to the restrooms. More people actually probably saw me nurse there than they would have at the table, but I didn't feel it was necessarily "appropriate" to nurse at the dinner table at a wedding. That is just my opinion. And come to think of it, I *probably* would have if DP was more comfortable with it







: , and my dad wasn't sitting there.


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

I would nurse in this situation, but I would not go in with the attitude that I don't have to do anything differently to accommodate anybody. I think if you were at a wedding and the people there might be the types to be uptight about NIP, there is an obligation to be VERY discreet. In the case of a wedding, I would want to do anything possible to avoid controversy or awkwardness, whether it is "right" or "wrong" because to me the couple's comfort is more important than the guests' comfort. One's wedding day only comes once (hopefully) and it is not the time or place for me to be a lactivist. I would wear something that I could be very discreet in and bring a shawl for a cover and use it, even if I didn't usually use a cover.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Yup. I nursed dd (over age one at the time) at a wedding over the summer. I did go out to the hall way and cover myself with a blanket because the dress I was wearing wasn't very nursing friendly and I had to drop my entire sleeve to nurse. If I had been wearing a friendly dress, I would have stayed in the sanctuary.


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## mommystinch (May 18, 2004)

I would, and I have nursed at a wedding. If you are worried about expsosure, I second what another mom suggested, and wear your baby in a carrier or use a shawl (if your baby will be okay with that).


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## Paddington (Aug 25, 2003)

Yes... My kids never took a bottle from me... and they won't take a bottle if they can smell/see/hear/sense me...







Anything done discreetly enough doesn't really matter....


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## LittlePeanut (Aug 11, 2006)

Another vote for "would and have"

My sister got married last May when DS was 4.5 months. Both of my cousins (1 was nursing a 4.5 m/o DD and the other was nursing 13 m/o DS) and I nursed our LOs on the comfy couches in the reception hall which happened to be next to the buffet









LP


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## LittlePeanut (Aug 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PGNPORTLAND* 
I would nurse her in the rain, I would nurse her on a train, I would nurse her on a float, I would nurse her on a boat . . . .

nurse her, nurse her Sam - I - Am









This reminded me of something else I read...

Quote:

You Can Breastfeed Anywhere

by Laurie Coker

You may breastfeed in a store,
on the floor,
in a roar.
You may breastfeed in a jam,
eating fried green eggs and ham.
You may breastfeed on the stair.
You may breastfeed anywhere!

Your baby can latch on in a swing,
on the wing,
in a ring.
He can latch on in a car,
where you are,
at the barre.
She can latch on in a storm,
on the farm:
that's her charm.
She can latch on in a train,
on a plane,
without pain.
They can latch on to a rhyme.
They can latch on any time.

You can nurse Jane or Joe.
You can nurse Clyde or Moe.
you can nurse Betty or Sallie.
you can nurse at a political rally.
You can nurse any time, anywhere.
You can nurse clothed or bare.
You can nurse unshaved of hair.
You can nurse Tim, Tony or Tom.
Who can nurse? Any mom!


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## ndunn (Mar 22, 2006)

I would be way too embarassed to feed my baby a bottle!

If mothers can't feel comfortable nursing at a wedding, our society has a serious problem.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

I was a NIP bridesmaid at the last wedding I went to!

I had to wear a dress that wasn't exactly easy access. I just went off to a comfortable, quiet spot (I have I highly distractable nurser, so this was only part modesty) and whipped it out. I don't think anyone noticed.

Why not be sure you're there in time to nurse before the ceremony, or else wear something with easy access and just plan on keeping your baby occupied with nursing (and thus quiet) during the ceremony.

Have fun!


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

You bet I would. Wedding or not, I will feed my baby if he needs me









ETA...I'm getting married in April...and I will nurse DS at my wedding if he needs it







but then I'm a MDC mama


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## skueppers (Mar 30, 2005)

When my daughter was six or seven months old, I was a bridesmaid at a wedding; while I nursed her many times that day, I went to a private room or powder room to do it. Among other things, there was really no discreet way to nurse in the bridesmaids' dress (though at least it buttoned up the front, which limited the amount of disrobing needed), but I'm not sure I would have nursed her in public even had I been wearing something more nursing-friendly.

I also left the church to nurse her when we went to a funeral when she was five months old, though I did nurse at the table during the wake.


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## Birth Junky (Jun 14, 2004)

I did it in September at a family wedding. I actually bought a nursing dress for the occasion, because I found a cute one and figured it would be nice to have a dressier option that I could nurse in. DD is our first, but since we plan on having a few more and doing CLW with all of them, I've got at least a decade of NIP ahead of me!









I second what other people have said, that a contented baby is much nicer to have at a wedding than a screaming, angry/hungry baby.

Go for it!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Of course I would.

-Angela


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PGNPORTLAND* 
I would nurse her in the rain, I would nurse her on a train, I would nurse her on a float, I would nurse her on a boat . . . .

nurse her, nurse her Sam - I - Am










HA HA...I totally was thinking the same thing...even before I read this thread.

FUNNY!

Yes, I would nurse my baby anywhere.....

I would nurse her on a plane, I would nurse her on a train, I would nurse her in a box and I would nurse her wearing socks.










Mary


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## schmaela (Aug 5, 2005)

Breastfeeding is not inappropriate! There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding!

I attended a wedding this summer, very fancy, full of mainstream folks. I breastfed several times that night and nobody gave me a second glance. I bought a wrap dress for easy access and fed her whenever she wanted- just like I always do.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

The question is more like "How many times have I NIP at a wedding"? lol The other question might be, 'How many times have you nursed a flower girl at a wedding?"


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momtosimon* 
We are going to a wedding tomorrow night for a friend of DH's. I have never met this friend nor any one else there. I need to dress up (obviously) and dont think I want to be pulling out the boobs in the middle of the ceremony. I am planning to take a bottle of EBM to give ds. I just wondered if anyone here had bf at a wedding or how you think you would handle that.... I kind of feel like I am wussing out!

Your primary responsibility is to make sure your son is happy and well fed. Secondarily, you should be considerate of your hosts and other guests - wailing infants make everyone uncomfortable. I don't think it's particularly important to be "considerate" of other peoples' sexual hangups about women's breasts, however.
Thirdly, you might consider your role in shaping other peoples' attitudes about feeding babies by demonstrating the normalcy and ease of breastfeeding.


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## mamato2boys (Nov 22, 2002)

I have and would again if needed. There is nowhere that I wouldn't BF if my child needed breastmilk.


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## Hayes (Nov 20, 2001)

yep! When Lydia was 3 weeks old, one of my good friends from high school got married. I nursed her in the church, ont he pew. My 2 girlsfriends were impressed!

My middle sister is getting married this summer. SInce I am a bridesmaid, I will not be nursin DURING the wedding, but with a 6 month old, I am sure I will be nursing at some point.


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## mom2snugbugs (Nov 28, 2006)

have and would again


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WNB* 
Your primary responsibility is to make sure your son is happy and well fed. Secondarily, you should be considerate of your hosts and other guests - wailing infants make everyone uncomfortable. I don't think it's particularly important to be "considerate" of other peoples' sexual hangups about women's breasts, however.
Thirdly, you might consider your role in shaping other peoples' attitudes about feeding babies by demonstrating the normalcy and ease of breastfeeding.

I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckw* 
I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.

It annoys me and ruins my pleasure at the joy of a wedding when there are foolish drunk people running around, especially when they make sexual innuendos about me or they hit on or proposition my DH in front of me. Now THAT is inconsiderate and causes unpleasantness. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate and if someone is going to be offended by a child being nourished the way they were meant to be, then don't worry, they will find a dozen other things to be offended about. Can't they just avert their eyes or go sit at another table, if it bothers them? Or they can go hang out in the bathroom while we nurse.


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## MCsMom (Jan 15, 2006)

Yes, I have sat in two weddings and bf my dd. I would MUCH rather do that then consider letting my baby cry during the ceremony. In fact, I put her on simply as a pre-emptive thing just because I wanted to make sure she was quite at one point. I can assure you, it would have caused more hardship to try and find a 'private' place to nurse then just sitting in the pews.


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## momuveight2B (Mar 17, 2006)

I haven't nursed at a wedding but I did at a christening and so did the mama and we were all seated up front in the family section. I did not use any kind of cover up.

I would nurse at a wedding because I would be more comfortable and so would my baby. Otherwise I would get all engorged and that would be a whole new problem. I would be discreet and as other posters mentioned bring a shawl or a sling in case you feel that you need it. The shawl could just be part of your outfit and arranged as needed. It can also double as a blanket for your baby if the room is cold or you need a changing pad.


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## soliloquy72 (Jul 26, 2005)

Yes, I have and I would again.

I wore a skirt and a nursing top, but my DD was a babe and I was new to nursing. If I went to one now, I would wear a nice top that was easy to pull aside--I don't have patience with nursing tops anymore!! Cardigans are nice as they cover your sides/abdomen a bit while you're nursing.

I've nursed in church a lot!! When I went to the reception, I did step into the vestibule to latch her on as it took a bit of coaxing, but if I was nursing an older babe who latched on easily, I'd just keep talking and nurse w/o skipping a beat. People really don't notice as much as you think they will.

As for other people's hang-ups with breasts--well, my breasts aren't exposed when I NIP. If I had a newborn that really needed a LOT of help latching on, then I might go into another room for everyone's comfort. But, if I had a newborn, I'd probably be staying at home, anyway!


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckw* 
I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.

I respectfully disagree...as long as nursing moms feel like they have to "hide"..we will never move forward and increase our breastfeeding rates. Countries....with high BF rates...are very open about nursing their wee ones.

The more that our daughters and sons see nursing as normal..the more apt they too will feed their children human milk.

Mary


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverSky* 
It annoys me and ruins my pleasure at the joy of a wedding when there are foolish drunk people running around, especially when they make sexual innuendos about me or they hit on or proposition my DH in front of me. Now THAT is inconsiderate and causes unpleasantness. Breastfeeding is not inappropriate and if someone is going to be offended by a child being nourished the way they were meant to be, then don't worry, they will find a dozen other things to be offended about. Can't they just avert their eyes or go sit at another table, if it bothers them? Or they can go hang out in the bathroom while we nurse.









:

Mary


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## trmpetplaya (May 30, 2005)

I have before and I would again. If others were offended then they should have stopped paying attention to me and started paying attention to the wedding (which is what I was paying attention to). I've also nursed dd at a funeral, a wake, and a memorial service as well









I have found that a nice skirt and nice sweater or blouse work quite well for functions such as weddings and for church on Sunday (yep, I nurse during the service in the sanctuary too!). I just don't have the patience for nursing in dresses whether they button down or are specifically for nursing...

love and peace.


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

i did last month, i was a bridesmaid and i had to pop out of the top of my dress to nurse. not many people there had seen a nursing toddler, but they were all supportive and a lot of the childless women there spent time talking to me about breastfeeding







. i will be again next saturday.
OP, can you get a dressy sling? it is pretty easy to nurse a 2 month old in a sling without anyone knowing what you're doing.


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doula mary* 
I respectfully disagree...as long as nursing moms feel like they have to "hide"..we will never move forward and increase our breastfeeding rates. Countries....with high BF rates...are very open about nursing their wee ones.

The more that our daughters and sons see nursing as normal..the more apt they too will feed their children human milk.

Mary

I agree with this absolutely....and feel that in the vast majority of times and places, we don't need to give it a second thought. All I'm saying is that I don't feel it is too much of a compromise to use a cover to avoid causing tension if the crowd there consists of many unenlightened people who might have an issue with NIP. Let me be clear that I am not suggesting this be done in consideration of those people, but for the COUPLE who is having their wedding day in this culture the way it is TODAY. There are a million other opportunites to work toward changing that culture.

The other poster's point that finding a private place may not be so easy is well taken. So I'll go back to my original point and suggest only that it may be a time to use a cover when one might ordinarily not use one.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

In most cases I would probably try not to bring my DD to the ceremony part of a wedding, but if I did, I would nurse her in the church if that is what it took to calm her down/keep her quiet during the nuptials. It is the reception that I would try to find a quiet place at. However, if I had only two options- at the dinner table or the bathroom- I'd take the dinner table in a second.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

When my sister got married I was still nursing my 3yo. She was a flower girl, and I was up on the altar too with my parents. She wanted to nurse, so she did. We couldn't have been more visible, and no one said a word. My sister had no issue either - I raised her right.


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## luckymamato2 (Jun 3, 2006)

I would absolutely nurse my child at a wedding, or whereever I was. I would probably be too nervous to attend the ceremony because my kids aren't that quiet


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## WNB (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ckw* 
I disagree. I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.

A wedding isn't a "rare instance" -- it is an event, albeit a special one, that happens with great frequency. Moreover, a wedding is the celebration of the decision of two people to unite as a _family_. I think it is entirely reasonable to expect that this celebration of FAMILY accept and expect breastfeeding as part of the normal course of life in a family.

As I said, the OP should do her utmost to keep her son happy and well-fed. If doing THAT is aided by using a cover, or retiring to a secluded location, then by all means, use that approach. But if doing so would add undue hassle and not improve her son's feeding, then fuggedaboutit.

If certain guests or even members of the wedding party were offended by, say, men who had beards or long sideburns, I think anyone would be appalled if it were suggested that the men shave in order to attend the wedding "out of consideration for the other guests". Expecting women to cover up or significantly alter their nursing practices in order to attend a wedding is just as ridiculous, in my estimation.


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## myjulybabes (Jun 24, 2003)

Would, have, whatever.







Heck, it was a black tie wedding and I was wearing a wrap front dress that the bride helped me pick out _knowing_ that I'd need to nurse. I just slung a burp rag over my shoulder to cover my breast down to ds's face (not over his head, ew), and went at it. Noone said a word, except my own mother, who was mortified, but I take her opinion on it with a grain of salt since she never nursed longer than 2-3 wks. It may have helped that the groom and some of the guests were doctors (surgeons mostly), so seeing a woman NIP was the least graphic thing they'd seen in awhile, but there were plenty of people who weren't.

Now, the one and only time I ever "hid" to nurse was the time I was a bridesmaid. You know how those dresses are.







: I had to unzip it halfway down the back and darn near remove my strapless bra. THAT was a little too much exposure for my comfort.







Luckily ds was over a year old and happy to be put off with a sippy of water and some goodies from the buffet and only insisted on nursing once during the reception.

So yeah, bring a sling or put a blanket over your shoulder if you feel like it. Heck, go sit in a corner if it makes you comfortable. But if your ds isn't used to bottles, he's likely to just get fussy, which is way more disruptive to a wedding than NIP.


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Weddings are a celebration of sex, all the archaic etiquette is just a giant hooter hider for our discomfort with that fact.


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## loudmama (Mar 12, 2005)

I'm the woman of honor at my sister's wedding when my DS will be a year. While I don't think he'll nurse a ton, I made sure we found a dress that was somewhat nursing friendly. Won't nurse during the wedding, but will other times.

L


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## PrettyBird (Jun 19, 2005)

Yes! Nursing a child is not about making a point or political statement or whatever. It is about meeting your child's needs. I can't imagine the screaming or the mess if I tried to give DD a bottle of EBM at a wedding ceremony!







I would, however, make sure I picked a nursing-friendly dress where I did not have to take the entire top off to nurse.


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## RedPony (May 24, 2005)

In a heartbeat. Go, enjoy, and nurse that baby!


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## Malva (Nov 2, 2005)

I can nurse very discreetly so for sure I would. I would just make sure to pick an outfit that allows for discreet nursing.


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

Yes, I would, I have.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Might I point out, since ckw seems so insistant that a cover would be a good idea, that covering your baby with a blanket draws MORE attention to the fact that you're nursing, not less.
And I would nurse my baby any time, any where and have a good comeback ready for anyone who would dare to tell me not to nurse my baby.


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## BelovedBird (Apr 5, 2002)

Just wanted to say most most bridesmaids and bridal gowns show more breast than almost anyone I've ever seen while nursing. I think you should bring an extra shawl or scarf and offer to give it to whoever complains to cover up the boobs of whoever is showing more than you are while you are nursing, if exposed breast bothers them.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Parker'smommy* 
I would nurse....but then I don't give bottles to my babes, so that wouldn't be an option for me. My kids MUST nurse, they aren't bottlefed. ( and they wouldn't take one either)

Yup. I'm going to a wedding in January (dd will be 8 months) and she doesn't take a bottle, so...NIP it is! That said, at the reception, I will likely find a more secluded place to nurse, because, like a PP, I have a VERY distractable nurser. If I nurse in her in a room full of chatty people, music, etc...I'm just gonna end up with a whole lot of bm running down my clothes and no milk in the baby.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
The question is more like "How many times have I NIP at a wedding"? lol The other question might be, 'How many times have you nursed a flower girl at a wedding?"









You rock.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amila* 
In most cases I would probably try not to bring my DD to the ceremony part of a wedding, but if I did, I would nurse her in the church if that is what it took to calm her down/keep her quiet during the nuptials.

Not all weddings take place in a church.


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## djinneyah (Sep 4, 2004)

i was the last-minute matron of honor at my friend's surprise halloween pirate wedding. i nursed dd (5 months) in her mei tai while they said their vows.

i nurse when and where the baby needs to.


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

I have NIP'd at a wedding. It was no big deal. Tandem NIP at a wedding was a little more tricky though! Most people don't realize what you're doing anyway.


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## weeirishlass (Mar 30, 2006)

I have. It was no biggie. It was BILs wedding. It wasn't *during* the ceremony, though. The wedding was on a yacht, so I nursed her before the ceremony on the couches around the bar, then after the ceremony in the same spot, then during dancing while she was in the sling. I was standing around talking to the cousins and I don't even know if they knew she was nursing! Everyone else was eating and she had to eat. I saw no other option.


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## leafwood (Jun 15, 2004)

I nursed dd at a wedding when she was an infant. It wasn't a big deal and I was pretty discrete (it was during a church ceremony).
Now she is 2.5y and she hasn't been to a wedding she can remember. I'm sure she would be much more interested in the bride than nursing, but one never knows!


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## weeirishlass (Mar 30, 2006)

FWIW, I did cover up while nursing dd, at least one of the times. H's family is very conservative (read: repressed) and I want them to view bf as something beautiful and natural and not something that makes them feel vaguely uncomfortable. For them, I feel that flashing boob, even a bit, is more likely to make them feel uncomfortable and unaccepting of bf. I don't feel that alienating people by making them feel uncomfortable is the way to further our cause. But that's JMO.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedPony* 
In a heartbeat. Go, enjoy, and nurse that baby!

















:


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedBird* 
Just wanted to say most most bridesmaids and bridal gowns show more breast than almost anyone I've ever seen while nursing. I think you should bring an extra shawl or scarf and offer to give it to whoever complains to cover up the boobs of whoever is showing more than you are while you are nursing, if exposed breast bothers them.









Good point. And I can see that I'm making enemies here by having a different take on it (actually not so different--many here have suggested being discreet). Anyway,perhaps I'm being misleading because I'm really not "insistent" on a cover per se. My point is this only: I think someone's wedding is a place to "keep the peace," even if someone else is wrong or misguided. So it might be a situation where one would make some effort to be discreet, even if ordinarily they don't (and shouldn't) give a rat's ass about being discreet.


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## TattooedMama (Aug 31, 2005)

Yes, I nurse in public. I have never personally given my dc a bottle of EBM, only others have when I am at work or can't physically be with my babe. There is no "right" answer. Do what you are most comfortable with. Best wishes on enjoying the wedding!


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## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

Sure. I NIP in church all the time anyway...how would it be different at a wedding? I usually have her in my ring sling, and use that to help cover things. Most people just think she is sleeping in there. The way I see it is a discreetly nursing quiet baby is probably appreciated a lot more than a hungry screaming baby during the wedding.


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## Kellie_MO4 (Jan 14, 2006)

Add me to the "would and have" group... At my sisters wedding, I was breastfeeding my son while 7 months pregnant with my 2nd daughter... AND I was the videographer... so imagine a 7 month pregnant lady with a 1 year old attatched to the breast while walking around video taping everything, and people's well-wishes to the bride and groom... hehe.. got some funny looks from some younger (20's... my age) folk, but just smiled and loved the remarks from the older folks ("You are such a good mommy, just feeding that little baby of yours")


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## star2589 (Nov 3, 2006)

I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.

if they have a problem with it, then consider a few things. does your child normally have any problems with being bottle fed? if not, then I dont think its unreasonable to do so as a favor to the bride and groom on their wedding day.

if your child will only drink directly from the breast, and its an issue of feeding your child without causing offense or attending the wedding, i'd inform the bride and groom of the situation and tell them that if you cannot breastfeed your child, then you will not be able to attend.


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## ombra*luna (May 1, 2003)

Haven't read the other responses - but I did it at a number of weddings - most notably my brother & SIL's in 1993. My bridesmaid dress was peach brocade, two pieces (short sleeved jacket w/BIG shoulders and floor-length skirt) and about a million buttons down the front.

I would NIP anywhere though. Even did it on a parade float. (Two old guys watching it go by "Holy @#%& do you see that!!" ~ "Yeah now I've seen everything...." They were flabbergasted but what's a mom to do?


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I nurse in public anywhere anytime.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I am so tired of the word discreet being thrown around when talking about nursing in public.
Guess what? Every single law, both state and federal, says a woman may nurse her baby and never says a WORD about being "discreet" about it.
Inevitably, someone tosses around the nursing mother who whips her boob out or opens her whole shirt but honestly, I think this is a myth much like the Yeti or the newborn that sleeps through the night.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I agree with you DID, discreet is not in the language...

I have seen a full breast exposed while nursing once. It was at a MayDay festival and the young mother has her shirt unbuttoned from the top down and had her left breast out. It didn't bother me one bit! She had a very newborn baby - maybe a 2 weeks old - and was working on his latch, making sure he was on correctly. I guess for her, she needed her breast exposed to do this. She seemed perfectly comfortable sitting on the lawn nursing her baby while we chatted. I didn't find it offensive at all (but then again, I'd never find nursing offensive!) But that's the only time I've ever seen it.


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## Qalliope (Oct 22, 2004)

Quote:

Every single law, both state and federal, says a woman may nurse her baby and never says a WORD about being "discreet" about it.
Ahem, actually, here in Missouri, the law does say "with as much discretion as possible," or something like that.







:

However, I would definitely nurse at a wedding, but I also don't feel like you, OP, are doing anything wrong by deciding to take a bottle of EBM to this one event. I think it's nice that you are trying to consider everyone involved. And I'm sure you know that your baby's needs come first, and if for some reason the bottle doesn't cut it for your child (he won't take it, is distressed and needs to comfort nurse, etc.), you'd whip it out and feed in a heartbeat. I do recommend easy access clothing as your backup plan, but don't feel like a cheater or a wimp because you'd rather not NIP in this particular instance.

Whatever you decide, odds are, the bride and groom are gonna have way too many other things on their minds to care, and it's their day. Anyone else who wants to get offended gets a







in my book.

Now, since I just realized this wedding was yesterday, I guess my $.02 doesnt matter much. Oh well.

How was the wedding?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *star2589* 
I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.


See, I would never do this. Would you ask if it's okay to give your baby a bottle? Or a pacifier? Of course not. If they invite me (and my child is not excluded, in which case I wouldn't attend) then I will nurse my child when they need to nurse. It is nothing shameful or questionable that I need special permission for.

-Angela


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

dis·cre·tion
-noun 1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice:


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## Qalliope (Oct 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
dis·cre·tion
-noun 1. the power or right to decide or act according to one's own judgment; freedom of judgment or choice:

But also: 2.quality of being discreet; prudence

discreet: judicious in one's conduct or speech, esp. with regard to maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature

which is clearly what the law means, purely by the context of the way it's written.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I would and I have


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *star2589* 
I think the most sensable thing to do would be to talk to the bride and groom about it beforehand. inform them that you have a child that is still nursing, and ask if this will cause any problems at the ceremony or reception. if they say no, then there is no problem.

if they have a problem with it, then consider a few things. does your child normally have any problems with being bottle fed? if not, then I dont think its unreasonable to do so as a favor to the bride and groom on their wedding day.

if your child will only drink directly from the breast, and its an issue of feeding your child without causing offense or attending the wedding, i'd inform the bride and groom of the situation and tell them that if you cannot breastfeed your child, then you will not be able to attend.

Oh, please!!!

The fact that this is even a thread..or a discussion, indicates to me.....that we are STILL so far from being where we need to be concerning FEEDING OUR BABIES!!.

We are not talking about stripping nude and running around screaming, we are simply feeding our infants, toddlers and children...the best food they will ever consume.

If someone has a problem with your nursing your baby, then it is THEIR lack of understaning and education regarding the very positive results for mom and baby for using their breasts as they were indended.

I dont eat under a tent, I dont expect my kids would like it either...nursing is EATING..if someone feels uncomfortable, then they dont have to look.

Also, covering up a newborn is fairly easy, try it with a 6 month old or a two year old or a 5 year old.....not happening..and why should it!!

Nursing is NORMAL...our culture has fostered the lie that it is not....$$$$$$$$$$$

Mary


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## herbanmama (Jun 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
Weddings are a celebration of sex, all the archaic etiquette is just a giant hooter hider for our discomfort with that fact.


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

: I NIP everywhere. I would definitely do it at a wedding.

What did the OP end up doing?


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## tamagotchi (Oct 16, 2005)

I remember that we had a nursing mama & baby at our wedding, years ago. We actually seated them close to our table because we felt that nothing could be more auspicious for a wedding than a little nursing baby!


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## star2589 (Nov 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doula mary* 
Oh, please!!!

The fact that this is even a thread..or a discussion, indicates to me.....that we are STILL so far from being where we need to be concerning FEEDING OUR BABIES!!.

We are not talking about stripping nude and running around screaming, we are simply feeding our infants, toddlers and children...the best food they will ever consume.

If someone has a problem with your nursing your baby, then it is THEIR lack of understaning and education regarding the very positive results for mom and baby for using their breasts as they were indended.

I dont eat under a tent, I dont expect my kids would like it either...nursing is EATING..if someone feels uncomfortable, then they dont have to look.

Also, covering up a newborn is fairly easy, try it with a 6 month old or a two year old or a 5 year old.....not happening..and why should it!!

Nursing is NORMAL...our culture has fostered the lie that it is not....$$$$$$$$$$$

Mary


I understand that nursing is perfectly natural, and that these "problems" _should not_ exist.

however, they _do_ exist, and its likely that this person has some sort of relationship with one or both of the people getting married. i just think its not worth ruining a friendship over, and if the bride and groom are that uptight about it then its better to just stay home.


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

But a nursing relationship is the most important...

Oh, I'm aware they exist....I work with about 20-30 nursing women a week....working in a lactation center. Also, being involved in a Mayor appointed group..that looked at all the research as to WHY our BF rates are so low.

I'm saying we are perpetuating the belief that nursing is "shameful" if we expect mothers to cover-up, or hide of tell their hosts they are nursing is that OK? Some moms like to go to a quiet corner...but they shouldn't feel like they have too.

I run BF support groups, and just yesterday NIP came up..and frankly..one mom is soo shy and nervous about it because one time, someone gave her a weird look....that she is terrified of nursing her baby in public....her baby is three weeks old, you can bet that fear will impact how long her baby receives human milk.

A nursing mother has the right to nurse her baby....anywhere.

Mary


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## pazerific (Oct 25, 2006)

amen doula mary!!!

i nursed at my cousin's wedding about 3 months ago, and everyone was so busy celebrating, no one even realized what i was doing (not that i cared anyways). i just made sure i had a wrap dress that allowed easy access.

my thoughts on the whole thing would be (as i'm sure PPs have said) if the child is invited, then there is no need to ask permission to feed them. most people would prefer a quiet, happy, nursing baby over a fussy, grumpy, hungry one any day! i've gotten PLENTY of strange looks, and even a few behind-my-back-but-loud-enough-for-me-to-hear rude comments, and it only makes me more determined to keep on NIP.

ALSO, as an aside, dd has been on strike for 2 months, and before that i wondered if i would have the courage to NIP once she started walking and talking and is "too big" by public standard. now that we're in this situation, i'm determined to NIP WHENEVER SHE WANTS no matter how old she is (if she ever goes back to the breast)!!! you never know how good you've got it until it's gone!


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

I love this article!

http://www.het.brown.edu/people/kjp/...r_language.htm

Mary


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## djinneyah (Sep 4, 2004)

wow, mary!









i may have to come down to lincoln to meet you now! we've had our differences regarding other topics, but everything you've said here about bf'ing and NIP echoes how i feel


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## Viriditas (Aug 30, 2004)

If a couple invites someone to their wedding who they know will bring a baby, why wouldn't they expect nursing to be going on? I think it's pretty much a given.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Quote:

I think that in rare instances, it is important to be "considerate of other people's sexual hangups about women's breasts." If you can avoid creating tension at an event like this by using a cover or finding a private place (thereby making sure your child is happy and well fed), then I think it is a reasonable compromise to make. Someone's wedding is not the time to prove a point or change the world if it will cause unpleasantness, and there is an alternative that will not cause the mother or baby any hardship.
Feeding one's child is not proving a point. It may well be what "keeps the peace" in terms of helping maintain quiet for the ceremony though.

As for the first part, it's not my/our job to cater to others' mental/psychological problems. They can go get counselling. Their hang-ups do not dictate babies' needs being met.

If the mother and baby are both invited, then the couple would have to be pretty stupid to think that breastfeeding wouldn't be happening.

To answer the OP, did so twice. When DS was 3, I was one of the "bridesmaids" for one of my sisters. Because of the dress choice: A had managed to find a style to accomodate a wide range of sizes, including another sister who was very pregnant, I ended up having to nurse him in our dressing room by hiking the whole blasted dress up. But he wasn't a baby, so it wasn't like he needed to nurse on that regular a basis.

When DD was just 3, I think that was her age..., I sat in the front pew with Mom and Dad, as flower girl wrangler. I nursed her during the cermony while she was sitting with us and had gotten too restless or whatever. Minister looked me in the eye and kept right on going.







I was nodding at what he was saying.









Interestingly enough, as an aside, all of us sisters and SILs had chosen, in our own styles, pretty much the same color of off white/ecru dresses.


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## star2589 (Nov 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doula mary* 
But a nursing relationship is the most important...

I agree. I'm not suggesting that the child should go hungry! all I'm saying is that if she is worried about a conflict, its better to talk about it _before_ the wedding than after.


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

I would and I have! Several weddings in fact. Ds was at his first wedding at age 10 days and about 7 weddings before he was 1!


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## Paddington (Aug 25, 2003)

I am with you doula mary on most everything except that part about it being easy to cover an infant. my infants kicked and get hot very easily!!







and, since i was so busy trying to look to make sure that latch was correct, couldn't do that with the blanket unless my head was under it as well. and that might have been more obvious and drawn more attention....







:


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## CrunchyCate (Jul 9, 2005)

I would and I have. I've also had mommies nursing at my weddings to both husband 1 and husband 2, and it never even crossed my mind to be bothered (of course by wedding #2, I had nursed 3 of my own.)


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Paddington* 
I am with you doula mary on most everything except that part about it being easy to cover an infant. my infants kicked and get hot very easily!!







and, since i was so busy trying to look to make sure that latch was correct, couldn't do that with the blanket unless my head was under it as well. and that might have been more obvious and drawn more attention....







:









I thought I said, infants DONT like being covered....I always think..coveing your baby while BF is ike a BIG FLAG saying "I'm nursing!"....stare at me!!

Mary


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *star2589* 
I agree. I'm not suggesting that the child should go hungry! all I'm saying is that if she is worried about a conflict, its better to talk about it _before_ the wedding than after.

Really, with this additude, you will be always asking ANYONE, if it is OK to feed your baby. A wedding is really no different than any other "event".

I'm approaching nusing almost 11 years straight, I simply nurse when needed.

mary


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## doula mary (Aug 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *djinneyah* 
wow, mary!









i may have to come down to lincoln to meet you now! we've had our differences regarding other topics, but everything you've said here about bf'ing and NIP echoes how i feel









Thank you...I'm not sure what differences you are referring too...but I'm glad your enjoying my posts!!!







Thanks so much for your kind words!!









Feel free to come visit Lincoln..anytime...we are in the middle of the county.

Best regards,
Mary


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## mama in the forest (Apr 17, 2006)

You bet I would! Why wouldn't I????!


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## snowbird25ca (May 8, 2005)

I haven't read the other replies and I know the wedding has already passed, but I would and have nip at a wedding. And dd was 14 months at the time too, so past the age a lot of people think you should wean.









Nobody said a thing.


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## djinneyah (Sep 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doula mary* 
Thank you...I'm not sure what differences you are referring too...but I'm glad your enjoying my posts!!!







Thanks so much for your kind words!!









Feel free to come visit Lincoln..anytime...we are in the middle of the county.

Best regards,
Mary

i'm in omaha









we had a run-in a few months ago re: UC.

all that aside, i am enjoying your posts in this thread!







i find myself nodding right along and saying "yes, exactly!"


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## marlee (Aug 29, 2005)

Of course.

We were just at a surprise 60 th birthday party. I bf my almost 19 month old at the dinner table. I ignore people when I NIP so they can look and learn without feeling uncomfortable


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## intorainbowz (Aug 16, 2006)

Yes and have.....

I also would feel NO need to ask ANYONE for permission to feed my baby. I don't think that breast feeding is anything to be ashamed of, hidden, or embarassed about.

I'm not breast feeding to make a political statement, although sometimes I feel like I am. I breast feed because it is the absolute best thing I can do for her nutrition. I could list all the great things about breast feeding, but people on here know these.

By my choice, I dress in separates which facilitate modest nursing, but sometimes some breast flashes. OOPS. Oh well.









Basically I nurse DD wherever we happen to be. I have sought out less than open places to nurse. For example, at a church talent show, I sat in the back of the room, by choice. DD can be highly distractable, plus I don't like nursing right next to someone I don't know. However, other parents thought that was the "take your noisy babies to sway" area and quite a crowd developed.

I've also nursed at a funeral and viewing. I chose to leave the viewing because an auntie was being a







, and I wanted to remove her from the situation. Had the family chaos not been going on I would have nursed her right there. At the funeral, my MIL wanted to hold DD. I pointed out that DD wanted to nurse and I was sitting toward the back of the family, where all the other people with young children were sitting. Again, by my personal preference, I'd rather not nurse next to a stranger, but will if I have to, ie at an NBA game. MIL was like "is that respectful" because we are LDS and this is a catholic funeral. I said that if I will breast feed in my own church I sure am breast feeding in a catholic church because I'm doing my best to care for my baby, which is what God wants anyway. I also said, with a smirk, It's not the first time He has seen them, Jesus was breast feed.

I've also nursed at the table at a catholic ladies lunch, with the monsignor a chair away. At the end of the meal he told me what a miracle my baby was (we had talked about her preemie start) and how he wished more women in their area would nurse. We talked about ways to increase this. This was with a priest at least 70.


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## musemor (Mar 19, 2004)

I nursed at a wedding when J was 7 months. There were two other NIP mamas there so I was in good company! There was also a room that was set aside for the moms to nurse/change the babies and for them to nap, if necessary. At one point I did move while I was nursing because the photographer was taking a bunch of pictures in the area and I didn't want my boob to be a centerpiece in the wedding album. It wouldn't have been an issue except that the flash was distracting J and she kept popping off so I was fully exposed.

I used the wedding as an excuse to get a nice nursing dress from Japanese Weekend!


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

Absolutly! I nursed dd at my OWN wedding in fact! DURING the ceremony! LOL I've nursed everywhere I can think of and weddings are no different. My child is far more important than anyone elses "discomfort." The sooner its normalized in this country the better! And that won't happen if we "hide" in fear of making others uncomfortable.


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