# Nov. '05 Mamas, Marching into Spring!



## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Happy March, everyone.









Welcome to the world, baby Leah!! Congratulations, Alicia! Have a wonderful babymoon.









Here's the old thread.


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Congratulations, kaspirant, and welcome, Leah







.

Yesterday I did a knit-a-thon! I spent 7 hours and 45 minutes crocheting squares for afghans for hospice patients. I made 13--enough for a good-sized lap blanket. My darling husband was there minding the boy for a good part of that time, though he was in and out running errands, too. But there were lots of little kids, and people from all walks of life. There was even this very old man with a long gray beard who saw a flyer for the event in a hardware store in a tiny little country town just outside of my city. He knit a scarf







. But there was a lot of sneezing there, and I, dh, and Woody all came home with colds







.

"the small but horrendously badly parked because all the mothers at my childs schools are selfish cows"

Helen, this made me laugh and cringe at the same time. It's so, so, so true--people are at their most oblivious to other life forms in this scenario. But your funny phrasing, I think, I will keep in mind for the days that I, too, am navigating the school parking lot with my child in one arm and my laundry basket full of teacher stuff in the other as all the selfish cows (and cocks, just to keep with the barnyard theme here) are zooming around in a ridiculous rush and making the not-even streets unsafe!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Happy March!

I pulled my left hip flexor yesterday doing Pilates, of all things. And just the DVD I've been using for months - I really don't know how that happened. But I'm in a large amount of pain now. DH says it's just because I'm getting old. He's such a comfort.









But in positive news, I've got a couple of my pepper and tomato plants poking through! Yay! This is the earliest ever I've got garden stuff going and I'm rather proud.

Happy babymoon again Alicia, and I wish you happy contented babyness


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Congrats Alicia and welcome baby Leah!!!!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Congratulations Alicia!!! What a nice way to start a month...

Spughy, gentle hip healing. Congratulations on the plants- they're undercover, right?

Honeytree, I wish I was joking about my school-gate compatriots









Right now I'm feeling really proud of myself because for the first time in a month, I have homemade cake for the kids lunchboxes tomorrow







It's shocking how low my standards have become...


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Congratulations Alicia!!! What a nice way to start a month...

Spughy, gentle hip healing. Congratulations on the plants- they're undercover, right?

Honeytree, I wish I was joking about my school-gate compatriots









Right now I'm feeling really proud of myself because for the first time in a month, I have homemade cake for the kids lunchboxes tomorrow







It's shocking how low my standards have become...

Right now the plants are on my kitchen counter, in wee peat pots. I'll transplant them into containers in a few weeks and put them in my sunroom for a bit, then they'll move into bigger containers and move to new homes. I'm "ranching" the tomatoes and peppers this year - they'll go to wherever I can find hot spots and people willing to water them. I don't have enough protected space for 30+ peppers and 40+ tomato plants.







Ambitious, much?

And, er, making cakes with a newborn??? All hail the goddess Helen!!!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Congrats, kaspirant!

We took the most amazing hike today... my parents came along with us and we had a wonderful time. My uncle (whose wife passed last week) came and spent the weekend with my parents and so I went over to their house after the kids were in bed last night and we all sat around and talked and it was so nice - I think my uncle is actually doing very well with everything. Today they all came over for lunch after church and we had such a nice time!

After my uber-stressful week last week I'm so happy to have had a nice, relaxing weekend to get back to be a relaxed, happy, cheerful mommy. (I'm sure my kids are glad, too!)


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

hey mamas.

just popping on with an update and prayer request from kaspirant:
leah hasn't pooped yet, which is the only thing keeping them from going home. and, they said if she hasn't pooped by tomorrow, they're gonna put her in the NICU. so, send your prayers or good vibes and thoughts or whatever leah's way, so she can get home asap and avoid the NICU!

her dh and ds are home, awaiting the girls' arrivals back home.

Q of C, i'm so glad your uncle is coping well in these first mourning days...and a big hug to you and all your family for your loss. i'm so glad you are feeling more peaceful and happy.

we had a lovely day...i worked at the yoga center this morning for "energy exchange", and then we spent the afternoon with some friends, helping them with their garden, which we're going to share with them...a sort of community garden. i'm so excited! it's my first time gardening EVER! finley loved it, and played in the dirt, and ran around outside. we ate dinner there, and then he fell asleep on the way home. i'm looking ahead to a good week, as DH and i forge forward into the unknown life of "creative people"


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I'll sending poop vibes to baby Leah if you mamas will send some poop vibes to my poor sweet baby girl. She's been terribly constipated and waking up screaming from the pain. I am so sad for her, it's just awful. It took her two days of pushing and screaming before she was able to poop this last time and it was like a cat turd, totally solid and she has a little fissure on her poor bum now. I don't know what to do, she barely eats any solid food so I can only assume there must be some kind of change going on with my milk that is causing this. My poor little babe.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

DiD, I noticed that my milk dried up a lot earlier with my pregnancy with River than it did with Isaac or Rowan- with Rowan I was still producing milk at 24 weeks, with Isaac it was all gone at 17 and with Skye I didn't make it out of the first trimester. I'd consider the possibility that you may need to supplement with liquids at least.
Alicia, sending many many poopy nappy vibes your way.

Mentioning nappies, Skye has totally regressed over the last month and is back in nappies- she had an extreme reaction to the antibiotics and has been diarrhoeay for much of this time, and I don't see this stopping any time soon. If any of you have kids still in nappies (pocket dipes, specifically) can you give me recommendations for a chunky toddler? I'm looking at either XL FBs or bumgenius or wonderoos.

I got given a sourdough starter today







Yay me. I bought some kefir grains too, which should be here tomorrow.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Helen, kefir grains are wonderful. We've had kefir smoothies for breakfast every morning since I got mine over a year ago. MMmmmmmm. And good luck with the sourdough starter - that's one aspect of culinariness that has somehow eluded me, my sourdough bread always sucks and I've given up.

DiD - I know it's an extra expense you guys probably don't need, but probiotics will likely help Suriya deal with a sudden increase in solid food (if needed), and probably extra water will help too.

Kaspirant - here's some poopy vibes for you!!! Er...









Barcelona - yay gardening! What kid DOESN'T love dirt, really?

My hip is better this morning, so I guess it is just a muscle pull, thank goodness!


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

I'm thinking poop for Leah and Suriya









Does anyone have a totally amazing (and dairy-free) homemade cracker recipe they want to share with me? I have one that's a really basic cracked-wheat cracker, and today we're trying a vegan goldfish cracker. But I'm experimenting, so happy to try anyone else's terrific recipe


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

I'd love to see a good cracker recipe! It is nearly impossible to find crackers without HFCS, and Killian loves to have crackers and cheese for snack.

The weather is soooooo beautiful today - sunny and close to 70 degrees. Ellie and I just had an early lunch and now I think we're going to go for a very long walk (her in the stroller so I can get a good workout), and then after picking Killian up we're going to the library. And for dinner I'm making sherried tomato soup and quesedillas. Can you think of a better way to spend a day?


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

I have a whole sprouted grain recipe that I haven't tried yet (was planning to with the sprouts dh just sprouted). I'll post it AFTER I've tried it.

Congrats Alicia & Leah!!!

OMG... that means I'm next!







:

DiD, here's my infamous *poop ball recipe*:
1oz ground flax seeds (ground to a powder)
1oz powdered licorice root
1oz powdered slippery elm (bark I think)
1 pint of dried fruit (prunes, apricots, anything really)
-pulse in food processor until fruit is finely chopped into the powder.
-then, depending on the fruit you used, you may need to add blackstrap molasses or honey to help the mixture stick together (without being too sticky)
-roll into small balls (think m&m covered peanuts) and roll the balls in carob or cocoa powder.

My kids love them. Just be sure that she drinks a lot of water/fluids to get the stuff dissolved in her gut.

Aloe leaf split open, should soothe and heal her fissure. You can even insert it a bit if the fissure is up inside.

As for me, I just seem to be a magnet for drama and disaster. I learned this morning what it is like to have an exercise ball explode beneath your weight. Sorry, it kinda hurts to type so that's why I'm linking it. I still think I broke something in my left elbow but I'm waiting it out. What craziness is next????


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Mel, are you OK with lard? If so we do oatcakes- 1oz melted lard, half a pound of oatmeal and pour in boiling water to make a thick dough. I normally add salt and herbs too.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Congrats, Alicia on Leah's arrival! Now just poop, Leah









Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
And, er, making cakes with a newborn??? All hail the goddess Helen!!!

No kidding. I am in awe.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Mentioning nappies, Skye has totally regressed over the last month and is back in nappies- she had an extreme reaction to the antibiotics and has been diarrhoeay for much of this time, and I don't see this stopping any time soon. If any of you have kids still in nappies (pocket dipes, specifically) can you give me recommendations for a chunky toddler? I'm looking at either XL FBs or bumgenius or wonderoos.

We love FB but if you got the bG then you could use them for both of the littles







I love the bG but they confused Allison when Keagan was smaller and she had to use the snaps


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Alicia/kaspirant is having a hard time in the hospital.
I'm not 100% clear, as we're communicating via text, which is limited.
But, I know they are giving her a hard time for tandem-nursing,
and they are evaluating Leah again to see if she needs to be admitted into NICU in 8 hours, based on if she has a BM or not.

Anyway, she wanted me to share her number with y'all, so that if any of you might have any wisdom or help for her...I think she feels stuck and bombarded with hospital/medical talk/crap...

Here's her number: 909.915.5266. Thanks so much! She appreciates it!

I'm off to the park with Finley for a bit to meet some other mamas and babes.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Another Alicia/kaspirant update:

Leah had her first BM! So I think they are in the clear, and will be heading home soon. I'll keep you posted


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Whew.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Oh, I am so glad to hear she is fine and they are homeward bound! Thanks, barcelona, for relaying the messages.

So who is our next impending Mama - Monique? I hope I'm not forgetting anyone.

Not much new around these parts. I've been sick the past few days with Mystery Illness. I guess it was a cold or something, but all I had was a headache and horrifically swollen glands or tonsils. It was really painful. No fever though, or sneezing, or anything. I'm still swollen today but feeling a lot better.

Brynn turned 27 months yesteray (which was also my conception date back in 2005 - awww!







) and I took the most beautiful pictures of her this morning. They're on the blog if y'all want to check them out.

Oh, I did have a random question, most likely for Helen. I re-use empty glass jars (salsa, jam, etc.) for food storage, but I can't get the smell out of the jars even after they've been washed. Would white vinegar do the trick, or would it just make the jars smell like vinegar?


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Suriya finally pooped too, poor little peanut. It was a miserable few days while she was working on it though. I did increase her fluid intake and gave her extra fruits and veggies and I think that was what did it.

Winter has a shiner and I'm not sure what happened. It literally looks like someone punched him in the eye, which I'm certain nothing like that has happened. I'm thinking it could be allergy related?


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Yep I am next.

I'm getting just a tad more than nervous because I still haven't received my la bassine birth pool. I ordered it from birth with sol . com and having ordered from them in the past thought it was safe/a good idea. It should have been here last week. They took my money via paypal but never sent an order confirmation email or tracking number or anything. I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow and something has got to happen today or tomorrow or I'm not getting a pool

WWYD? File a refund/complaint with paypal? I've emailed them twice and called them twice with no response. This is just totally freaking me out.

I don't know if anyone read my link to the exercise ball story but today I feel totally wrecked. Literally. My neck and back feel like I have whiplash and seatbelt lash. My elbows are so sore, but not bruised because of the therapies I've been self administering. Even my calves and thighs are aching beyond the regular last month of pg ache. Must be from bracing myself. I would love to take some pain reliever, that's how hurt I feel. I can't decide whether to call the company or not. I just can't think of the right thing to say. I want at least a replacement with a burst proof ball or something because it was really the only thing comfortable for me to sit on.

I've got this anxious, gotta get everything in order but don't have the energy/I feel like crap thing going on so I feel a bit overwhelmed right now. Ugh.









ETA: I filed a dispute with paypal but that's going to take forever and I don't have the $$ to buy another birth pool in the meantime. Grrrrr







: I really don't think dh is going to go for putting this on a credit card either, however, if I had bought this with a credit card instead of paypal like I had wanted to in the first place, it would have been less of a hassle to get my money back!!!! DOUBLE GRRRR!!!!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Yay Suriya!!

Did Winter run into something? Or did something fall on him? And he's just not remembering? (that happens to me all the time).


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Monique, I can't believe the ball burst. I hope that the company sends you a refund and then something extra to compensate (maybe your DH should bill them for his care of your injuries).

Kaspirant, I hope your family is home safely soon!

DID, I would think if Winter had allergic shiners it would be both eyes. (Unless he got something in the one eye- dust or pollen or something). Maybe he bumped himself without noticing?

Amy, baking soda is a great deodorizer for the glass jars. I soak them with water and baking soda. A bit of vinegar might help, but it could make them smell like pickle jars if you soaked it too long. Though I usually just recycle my salsa jars or use them for non-food stuff afterwards, because I've found the smell almost impossible to eliminate. All the other glass jars seem easier to deodorize.

QofC, sounds like a wonderful day.

The goldfish crackers are pretty good. I used substituted half whole wheat flour, and added a bit of turmeric instead of the annatto colouring. I think they could use a bit more nutritional yeast, and I salted pretty liberally. We bought cute little "cracker cutters" that were several animal shapes, so we had goldfish/fox/duck/cat/dog crackers.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amy** 
Oh, I did have a random question, most likely for Helen. I re-use empty glass jars (salsa, jam, etc.) for food storage, but I can't get the smell out of the jars even after they've been washed. Would white vinegar do the trick, or would it just make the jars smell like vinegar?

I've done this and never had problems with the jars smelling like vinegar.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Amy, I just use them as is: but I normally use sweet jars (jam etc.) for sweet stuff and pickles for pickles. Salsa, IMO, is a dead loss and just gets recycled









Monique, I had difficulties ordering from HPY a few weeks ago because paypal didn't tell them they took my money







I think it's worth a phone call. On the bright side, HPY's customer service kicked ass- with the confusion, somehow the wrong address got put on my order and Mariana ended up getting the parcel redirected







Bless her. I do have a spare birth ball, btw, but I think you're probably going to be postnatal before it gets to you...

DiD, why would you rather that Winter had allergies than a black eye? Let's look on the positive side, huh? (And maybe he hit himself in the eye with something...)


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 

DiD, why would you rather that Winter had allergies than a black eye? Let's look on the positive side, huh? (And maybe he hit himself in the eye with something...)

Oh I wouldn't rather he had allergies, it's just the way it's red and teary that made me think allergy instead of injury. I don't know what could have happened because he always tells me when he gets hurt. He's been unusually screamy today too, so has Suriya but she has a cold so my nerves are shot from all the clingy crying. Ugh I wish everyone could take a nap


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

I posted a long whine about being







: and







: and







:, but it got eaten; lucky y'all! Suffice to say that I'm on day two of staying home from school, probably going for a third.

Monique, I can't believe what happened! You must have some crazy calm pregnancy hormones going on, because I gotta tell ya, with your list of maladies this close to birth time, I'd be a wreck. Hugs to you, mama.

Amy, the pictures of Brynn are adorable. She's so animated!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Monique - big







s. I can't believe an exercise ball burst on you. I've seen pics, you're not huge or anything! Even pregnant







I have to admit, when I was in the throes of PPD when Rowan was wee and I used to bounce her on my ball to get her to quiet down enough to nurse, I'd have weird fantasies/daydream nightmares about the ball breaking - I'd occupy my mind with exactly which way I could fall that would cause the least amount of damage to her and the most amount of damage to me so I could take a few days "off" - ha ha. Anyway, that probably doesn't help. I hope you feel better soon. I think you can take tylenol, can't you? Just a little?

I discovered this morning that grocery shopping on my bike with Rowan is not a good idea. We went to the grocery store after playgroup and got some milk, a few zucchinis, some frozen blueberries and a small box of pasta; I'd already picked up bacon and eggs at the charcuterie next to DH's office because we went there for a visit. So I put all the groceries in my backpack, put my backpack on, got on the bike... and heard muffled protests from the baby seat. Turns out that because I am small, and have a small-frame bike, the baby seat is not far enough behind my seat to accomodate a full backpack AND Rowan. Urgh. I biked home leaning far over my handlebars, it was very uncomfortable - but fortunately we only live 4 or 5 blocks from the store. So no more biking for groceries (or at least not gallons of milk and a pile of other stuff.)

Amy, supercute pics. The one where she's asleep, she looks just like Rowan







And in other ones she looks EXACTLY like her mama.







Oh and I'm a fan of the baking soda for deodorizing, but I find it's the lids on jars that hold onto the smell, and sometimes there's just nothing you can do.







:

Teresa, I hope you feel better soon. Colds suck.

I'm glad all the poops happened and Alicia is home (?) with her baby.


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

It's been crazy. Jacob adores and detests his baby sister all at the same time.

I can't wait to get my birth story written...We are all home...we are all well (I think) It was stressful for a while. I'll tell you all about it when I'm not NAKing and chasing a naked two year old around.

But in good news...We had a doctor's appointment this morning to check on Leah and I was able to get both kids out of the house with *almost* everything we needed and was at the doctor's 10 minutes before the actual appointment time AND we stopped off to pick up Jacob's shoes he left at a friends house.

I feel like super mom. I was afraid...of trying to get out of the house...

more later


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

When I rule the world, I'm going to make American doctors go to new baby's houses to do the weight checks, not the other way around







:


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## DucetteMama21842 (May 11, 2006)

Thinking of you Kaspirant. I wasn't back from my trip to even find out you were in labor or that baby Leah needed some pooping vibes! So just hoping you are all doing well at home now!

It would be nice if docs still did homevisits- if only for new mamas. It is a PAIN getting all of the little ones out of the house to go sit in a blasted waiting room. This is a very passionate annoyance of mine recently.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

You are amazing Alicia!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Well, since Kolaiah now has the weird black eye with redness and tears, I'm thinking pink eye. Anyone have a good remedy for pink eye?


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Breastmilk squirted directly into the eye several times a day is the absolute best cure for pinkeye!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Even my pregnant and on its way to drying up breastmilk? I've heard that it becomes really salty, I'd hate for it to sting their eyes.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Chamomile tea might be an alternative, but I'd try the breastmilk first.


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

People swim in the ocean all the time, and I would doubt that your breastmilk is saltier than that, so I would guess it would be fine.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
Well, since Kolaiah now has the weird black eye with redness and tears, I'm thinking pink eye. Anyone have a good remedy for pink eye?

Keagan just had pink eye and I tried breastmilk for a few days (maybe 5?) before resorting to abx for it. Of course after doing the abx I found out that chamomile could help. A friend also suggested goldenseal (after we used the abx too, of course).


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

congrats kaspirant!! leah was born on my bday!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
Well, since Kolaiah now has the weird black eye with redness and tears, I'm thinking pink eye. Anyone have a good remedy for pink eye?

If it's the king of pinkeye that produces burning tears (leaves red streaks on their cheeks) then homeopathic euphrasia helps.


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## MamaZoZo (Jun 17, 2007)

Hi ladies, I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Sonja, mum to Zoe (Nov 9th, 05). Mind if I lurk for a while with the occassional post?







:


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Kaspirant, welcome home and welcome baby Leah! Way to go with the doctor's appointment (but I agree, they should do housecalls). In BC the community health nurses usually do home visits for weight checks if the baby isn't under a midwife's care.

Spughy, I just remembered an article that I read in a waiting room somewhere (it may have been in Chatelaine or Canadian Living or something along those lines) about a family that did two (?) weeks without any packaged food. It was mostly about their learning curve for cooking and baking from scratch and the meal planning and prep that they did. It was for a pretty mainstream audience, but the article made it's point well about our dependence on packaged foods.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *willemsmamma* 
If it's the king of pinkeye that produces burning tears (leaves red streaks on their cheeks) then homeopathic euphrasia helps.

It doesn't seem to be. Are there other homeopathic remedies for the regular kind of pink eye?


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Alternative remedies for conjunctivitis...








: Fern!


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Hi, MamaZoZo, and welcome!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Alternative remedies for conjunctivitis...








: Fern!

Thank you Helen! That was exactly the breakdown I needed!


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

popping in to say HI again!

kaspirant, just fyi, my pager AND my email aren't working!!!! so, i hope i haven't missed any messages, though i probably haven't, as you and leah are home safe and sound, thank goodness!!! yay you for making it to the pediatrician with two kids, and i hope jacob continues to adjust beautifully to his new baby sister.

monique, thinking of you!!! wow. hang in there. i hope your body feels better, and that you ease into an easy, gentle birth. you are so close!

DiD, hope your kids' pink eye clears up asap.

ahhh...so much more to catch up on, but have to go crash.

not much to report here, except that finley is both adorable and challenging. by the end of the day, though, i've mostly forgotten the challenges.

and i'm eating up all this birth info, really enjoying learning and am looking forward to my next experience, hopefully in two years.

helen, fern, gunter, how's it going with your newest babes?

ETA: i did a newborn photo session today, which was oh-so much fun and filled me with tender joy! i just love babies and children and the incredible miracle of life and all that good stuff.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

The sibling rivalry is easing off occasionally, and River is coping better with no caffeine in his (my?) diet. He even just went to sleep on his own twice this morning, with no fussing or screaming or anything, and slept solidly last night until the 5am colic burst, only waking twice. It's been horrendous though, it really has.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

The colic, or just the general situation? Sorry Helen.









Hey could y'all check to see if you have these toddler books:

Goodnight Thumper, and Thumper Counts to Ten by Kitty Richards
A Bath for Beagle by Thomas Crawford

If so, could you PM me? Thanks!!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

OMFG. I have a cold. Suriya has a cold. And now, she also has a wonderful vomiting sickness. How do we get sick? We never leave the freaking house! This doesn't make any sense.
Winter and Kolaiah's pink eye seems to have cleared up on its own, thank the Universe.

Mamas, I really need to talk this out. My husband is turning into a tyrant. Or, should I say, back into a tyrant. I really felt like the first time we talked about his yelling, shaming, strict disciplinary ways that he heard me and agreed to work on it. But I feel like he's given up making any sort of effort to have connection with our children. He comes home from work and if Gabriel is still up (he frequently is) then everything that I've told him about throughout his work day comes up and he just starts yelling and shaming and threatening punishments. I talk to him on the phone several times during his work day and sometimes my struggles with the kids come up because hey, sometimes I need a little support. But I don't even want to tell him anything because it winds up being a point of contention when he gets home. And then when he gets up in the morning (or early afternoon) almost without fail he starts the day off by yelling at the two older kids.

I know this kind of goes against unconditional parenting, but we agreed with the kids that they would have three tasks to do during each day, load the dishwasher, tidy the living room and tidy their bedrooms. Simple tasks, but enough help that I don't feel like the burden of the entire household rests solely on me. We told the kids if they showed us they were responsible enough to do their tasks without being nagged, then we would get them each a pet hamster. They did their tasks each day without fail for two weeks. So we went last weekend to the pet store, spent $140 and got them each a pet hamster. They day after we brought these pets home, the kids stopped doing what they'd been asked. And Gabriel complained that his hamster hated him and he wanted to give it away, because it bit him. We told the kids to give the poor little things some space and a chance to settle in, and once they did, they would probably be able to hold them without getting bitten. It did get better after a few days but the cleaning was still not getting done. I asked them several times each day and got empty promises that it would get done but it never did.

So Jim comes home last night and takes the kids' hamsters out of their rooms and puts them in our bedroom. This was after I was asleep and I didn't know about it until morning when I heard the kids and Jim yelling at each other. Apparently Jim threatened to take the pets back to the store unless the kids did their cleaning for the next week, and also that they would not get their GameBoys back until then. And that they could not watch tv until then. I didn't have a chance to talk to him before he left for work because the baby vomitted all over me, but I need to sit down and tell him how outrageous his behavior is. I'm so furious at him for being this kind of parent after I thought he understood our conversation and my desire to have a connected family free of punishments and rewards, and definitely free of tyranny and parental yelling. I've held up my end but this is just terrible. And what's worse is that my mom and dad agree with what he's doing and when he talks to them they completely support him and think I'm too permissive! Argh.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

WHY can't our husbands go hang out in Blended/Step families parenting?

Do you want thoughts and solutions, or just the comforting sentiment that you are not alone?


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
I thought he understood our conversation and my desire to have a connected family free of punishments and rewards


Well if *you* are really committed to no punishments/rewards, then the whole hamster thing shouldn't have been tied to chores in the first place. YKIM?

It sounds like you first need to truly define within yourself what is acceptable and what is not, and then convey those thoughts to Jim at a time when your stress level is low(est). If the two of you can't agree to parent according to the same terms, the situation isn't going to change.

I don't know, DiD. For me, that type of parenting would just not be acceptable. I would not stay with a partner who treated my children that way. --- To be fair, I am very biased though; my step-father treated all of us children (his bio children included) *terribly*, and I could never understand why my mom 1) didn't protect us adequately, and 2) stayed in the situation. By allowing it though, you are definitely sending your children a message, whether intentional or not.


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

Leah's birth story

I'm tired, but I thought I'd share.

The inlaws will be here Saturday. I'm excited and dreading it all at the same time.

Leah has been cleared of all *dangers* so to speak. She is thriving and gained 3 oz in the 12 hours after my milk came in.

Jacob is croup-y. He has been wanting to nurse non-stop. At first I thought it was because of Leah nursing, but come to find out about 1 o'clock this morning, he is sick...very sick. Not fun for mama.









My boobs are about to rebel against me. In the last 48 hours I think I've had a total of 6 hours where there was no one nursing...


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I know, the hamsters had absolutely nothing to do with helping out with the cleaning. I guess I was just so desperate for help around the house. I can't do it all by myself! I'm exhausted! I can't stand for more than 3 minutes without feeling dizzy. Jim will help but he complains non-stop about it so I never ask him. But I can't live in a messy house and I just can't do it right now. I need my kids to help me. I just got desperate for results and it did work for a while and then backfired and I knew it would but you guys must know what the first tri. exhaustion is like. I don't want to do punishments and rewards ever, but something has to give. I need help with the housework!
I have been so committed to no rewards and punishments for a long time but Jim's suggestion just sounded so easy and I just caved in during a moment of weakness.
Amy, I know where you're coming from. My own parents were very much like how Jim is. I usually do well at helping him keep the anger monster in check but I have been sleeping a lot while he's home and I hear about a lot of these incidents well after the fact and by the time I talk to him about it, he's pretty much forgotten why he was so angry. We are going to have a long talk this weekend and I am going to set some firm limits with him.
We're about to jump into a huge committment and I'm not willing to do it if he's parenting so poorly I'm considering leaving. However, if we do this, it will change our whole lives and I am barely able to contain my excitement. I'm not quite ready to talk about it in specifics because I don't want to jinx it, but we're working towards something that has been a dream of mine for years.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
OMFG. I have a cold. Suriya has a cold. And now, she also has a wonderful vomiting sickness. How do we get sick? We never leave the freaking house! This doesn't make any sense.
Winter and Kolaiah's pink eye seems to have cleared up on its own, thank the Universe.

Mamas, I really need to talk this out. My husband is turning into a tyrant. Or, should I say, back into a tyrant. I really felt like the first time we talked about his yelling, shaming, strict disciplinary ways that he heard me and agreed to work on it. But I feel like he's given up making any sort of effort to have connection with our children. He comes home from work and if Gabriel is still up (he frequently is) then everything that I've told him about throughout his work day comes up and he just starts yelling and shaming and threatening punishments. I talk to him on the phone several times during his work day and sometimes my struggles with the kids come up because hey, sometimes I need a little support. But I don't even want to tell him anything because it winds up being a point of contention when he gets home. And then when he gets up in the morning (or early afternoon) almost without fail he starts the day off by yelling at the two older kids.

I know this kind of goes against unconditional parenting, but we agreed with the kids that they would have three tasks to do during each day, load the dishwasher, tidy the living room and tidy their bedrooms. Simple tasks, but enough help that I don't feel like the burden of the entire household rests solely on me. We told the kids if they showed us they were responsible enough to do their tasks without being nagged, then we would get them each a pet hamster. They did their tasks each day without fail for two weeks. So we went last weekend to the pet store, spent $140 and got them each a pet hamster. They day after we brought these pets home, the kids stopped doing what they'd been asked. And Gabriel complained that his hamster hated him and he wanted to give it away, because it bit him. We told the kids to give the poor little things some space and a chance to settle in, and once they did, they would probably be able to hold them without getting bitten. It did get better after a few days but the cleaning was still not getting done. I asked them several times each day and got empty promises that it would get done but it never did.

So Jim comes home last night and takes the kids' hamsters out of their rooms and puts them in our bedroom. This was after I was asleep and I didn't know about it until morning when I heard the kids and Jim yelling at each other. Apparently Jim threatened to take the pets back to the store unless the kids did their cleaning for the next week, and also that they would not get their GameBoys back until then. And that they could not watch tv until then. I didn't have a chance to talk to him before he left for work because the baby vomitted all over me, but I need to sit down and tell him how outrageous his behavior is. I'm so furious at him for being this kind of parent after I thought he understood our conversation and my desire to have a connected family free of punishments and rewards, and definitely free of tyranny and parental yelling. I've held up my end but this is just terrible. And what's worse is that my mom and dad agree with what he's doing and when he talks to them they completely support him and think I'm too permissive! Argh.

Okay. First of all, I don't remember exactly how old your older two are or what the specific situation with them is. (I am assuming that he is not their biological father, and I don't remember knowing anything about that situation either.) And whereas I don't have older children or multiple children, I have spent a lot of time up close and personal as a juvenile probation officer examining the effects of varying parenting styles. And it sounds to me like you and your DH essentially have a conflict in both your philosophical approach and your practical behavior in terms of parenting style. It seems like you are both at extremes and maybe you could even get some counseling or take a parenting class together to come to some agreement with each other on exactly how you both envision things going in your family.

At the risk of royally pissing you and possibly others off, I can actually see Jim's point of view on this one to some extent. I don't agree with yelling or shaming. But I don't think that enforcing rules or expectations, or having consequences for behavior, is tyranny. I think it's consistent parenting. Either they have age appropriate chores that they are expected to be responsible for, or they don't. But if they do have chores (and I'm assuming that they are age appropriate and reasonable expectations for your kids) then asking them to do the chores and letting them just consistently blow them off ends up sending your kids a message over the long haul that they don't really have to listen to you and that you don't really mean what you say, and I don't think that's any healthier a parental relationship than yelling is. I don't believe in authoritarian parenting, but I absolutely do believe in authoritative parenting--I think that children feel safer if they have some clear limits and expectations (with room of course for some communication and flexibility) and feel that their parents stand behind their words and are powerful enough to protect them.

Now, if you think that chores should not be tied to rewards or punishments and that the expectation in your family is that everyone is expected to do their chores because they are part of the family or whatever, that's fine too--but if getting the hamsters is a logical (positive) consequence for *doing* their work as expected, then not having the hamsters is a logical (negative) consequence for not doing their work as expected. I am not inherently opposed to any sort of behaviorist consequences (desire for positive consequences and avoidance of negative consequences certainly motivates most normal well adjusted adults a lot of the time--we go to work for the reward of money or job fulfillment, we don't speed because of fear of accidents or traffic tickets, etc.) I don't think pets work well as part of a reward system though, because they are living beings and then it becomes hard to take them away as a negative consequence. (Also hamsters in particular are nocturnal and thus not a lot of fun in the day, sometimes aggressive, and create a lot of mess and work and maintenance, which is the last thing it sounds like you need more of especially with three kids under three and two older ones!!)

I would also not be talking to your DH several times during the day and complaining about the kids. I would imagine that it makes him feel like things are out of control at home when he's gone, and also, if you buy the "men are from mars/women are from venus" stuff, your man wants to be your knight in shining armor and protect you and solve your problems. If you are complaining about the kids not doing the chores and how you are overburdened in the house and that the kids aren't listening to you and doing their chores, he's going to perceive that your parenting approach isn't working and want to try to resolve it *his* way. I'd find a girlfriend that I could talk to on the phone about your kids, who will sympathize without being personally involved or wanting to fix it for you, and leave your DH out of it unless it is something he needs to know. It sounds too like he is stressed and overwhelmed. He's probably dealing with it in a less than graceful way and probably he is just parenting the way he was parented and hasn't learned other skills. I can relate to that, as we all tend to react to our kids as *we* were reacted to by our own parents, unless we make a very intense and conscious choice to do otherwise. We can identify and choose a parenting philosophy that we are willing to commit to following, and then learn and practice other skills, but it's definitely challenging to put into practice even in the best of circumstances.

Good luck--I hope things get better!!!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Kavita, I really appreciate your input. Thank you so much. It's really given me a lot to think over.


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

So first, after reading DiD's post, I was all, make a break, sister! And after reading Amy's post, I was like, yea, this is bad news long-term. Then I read Kavita's post, and was kind of, hmmmm...don't buy the bus ticket yet... All I have left is a big hug, Lydia. A really, really big hug.

And Woody broke his clavicle. If you want the whole story, it's below. But that's the short one!

Two year, two months, and twenty-nine days. That's exactly how long the son of the Woods was out of the womb before falling to the earth with a sharp intake of breath and a startled expression, startled to have snapped one of the still green sticks that are the bones in his light, lithe little body. But of all the bones to break, a clavicle is a good one. Turns out the collar bone is a vestige of the days when we primate shuffled about on all fours and needed a stabilizer in that spot for the long forearms that routinely supported most of our weight. In other words, now that humans do most of their moving on two feet, one does not strictly need a collar bone, and people born without them are not disadvantaged in any way.

For those born with collar bones who then treat them carelessly, though, there is the trauma of the break (in Woody's case, a backward fall onto his left upper-back and shoulder from the ladder part of a slide on the playground) and the soreness that accompanies the healing (don't try to pick him up from his left side, don't push on his collar bone, and don't ask him to throw big rocks into the lake), so don't think that just because they're unnecessary that collar bones are also to be taken for granted. He's learning lots of life lessons, our boy.

The exam itself was no sweat, but the X-rays proved pretty damn scary, so we left having sat (and, red-faced, arms-flailing cried) for three of the five pictures the doctor ordered and refusing the last two. Daily we're making our peace with this beast called health care, mixing a healthy dose of intuition with informal consultations with friends in the alternative medicine fields and a handy state-job HMO.

We are told to expect a six week recovery that will happen on all its own--no braces or casts or slings, which would be comically ineffectual on a 2 year old anyway. Also, there is pretty fantastic swelling in the area of the break that is not actually swelling but rather evidence of a recalcification process that his healthy little body is undertaking to basically super-bone the area back together. Doc says it will be the strongest bone in his body when it's healed.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Oh. My. God.





















Poor Woody! Poor you! That actually made me tear up, I feel so bad for you! Swift healing vibes to him, poor little guy!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Well done, Kavita! You expressed everything I was thinking, but so much more thoroughly and eloquently than I could have.

The last couple nights have been a bit rough! DH went to an out of state ballgame with his dad last night and had an astronomy club meeting tonight, and Killian didn't have school today, so its been a long couple of days and evenings with me having to put the kids to bed by myself. But I did it!

Last night my parents came over to watch a movie after the kids were asleep and it was so lucky they did because my dad noticed a leak in a pipe coming out of my water heater. We got DH on the phone and I heard my dad say, "You're at a ballgame and I'm at your house playing with leaky pipes. Its seems you've won this round."







I have the stuff for DH to fix it, I just can't do any laundry till its done.

The kids try to tell knock-knock jokes all the time and its too funny. Ellie's favorite is:
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Banana peel.
Banana peel who?
Banana peel ________! (with some random word thrown in, its different every time. some of them today were: money, Valentine's Day, and door)


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Wow heavy stuff in our little group tonight.

DiD - big hugs from me too. I think Amy & Kavita said some very sensible things. As another parent of just one rather manageable child, I don't have a lot to offer except the idea that because you feel beleaguered at the moment, you're looking at the kids in a sort of adversarial position and that might not be the best way of getting some form of family harmony back? Your older ones are old enough, give them the straight dope (mom feels like crap, this will continue for X weeks then mom will feel better) and ask them what THEY think they could do to help the situation out. They might surprise you. Also I VERY much concur with Kavita's suggestion to NOT talk to Jim about stuff during the day. It's not giving him any confidence (or you!) in your abilities. Vent here, vent to friends, but don't vent to him. From the other side of the fence, I feel like absolute crap if DH tells me he had a wretched day at work. I want to fix it, I want to tell him how to deal with his stupid "management" team, I want to write e-mails to them and tell them to hire 10 more people NOW - but I can't. Jim CAN however step in and do "his" share of the work and then some, and does. I think it's a very natural reaction on his part to what he sees as inability, however transient, on your part to deal with stuff at the moment, but you guys are obviously not on the same page at all with the whole parenting philosophy and that's much more of a problem than who does what chores when.

Uh, ok further to that idea - if you have to talk to him, make it a "the kids were doing X and I totally dealt with it by doing Y" kind of thing. I'm not saying hide the fact that it's hard or there are challenges or whatever, I'm just saying pitch it like you're dealing with it. I may have a warped perception of this, but in my mind DH is not far from being my employer in the position of mom, head chef and household organizer. And from my many, many years in the corporate world, I have learned that the best way to look good to employers is to always, always detail what you're doing to overcome problems, when you present problems to them. And even if you don't agree with it, listen to criticism and really compare it to your own core values objectively before you respond. FWIW, I completely agree with you on the unconditional parenting tack, but I can understand your desire to not have to tackle ALL the housework yourself. There must be a happy medium though... are there other chores that the kids would *prefer* to do? The dishwasher is a particularly crappy one, IIRC - I always prefered cleaning the bathroom and folding laundry myself. Ok now I'm just rambling...

If that doesn't make sense, please forgive me, I've got 2 pints of beer in me and that's more booze than I've drunk in one sitting in a long, long time. DH and I went out for a friend's birthday (actually friends', it's a couple we've been friends with for a looooong time and they share a birthday, which is cool). MIL babysat, so Rowan went to bed with considerably less fuss than normal.







:. "Oh, she's so perfect, she's so wonderful, she doesn't make any fuss, she just hopped into bed and lay down..." I'm all, can you come over *every* night, you put her to bed and we'll just pop down to the pub???? The other upside to MIL babysitting is we pay her in chocolates... but she doesn't know how many we bought to start with









In other fun news, Rowan and I did something interesting this morning - I found some old herring in the freezer (bait) and decided that DH wasn't fishing nearly enough to justify the freezer space so we phoned one of her little friends (well, his mom, he doesn't talk much yet) and we went down to the wharf and fed the seals. Good times!!! What else on the planet would be so appreciative of 4-year-old frozen herring? And cute to boot?

Wheeee my head is loopy right now. I think I'm going to take some preemptive ibuprofen and hit the sack. 'night all.

Oh, Teresa - how awful about Woody's collar bone. You sound so calm and collected about it all, you are such an awesome mama. I would be a ball of freak-out by now. Yay you.









One last thing - I've been volunteering for our community newspaper and one of my stories for last month made the front page. Woot! I'm all famous! hee hee. (Paper has a circulation of AT LEAST 50 people...)


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Yay spughy, our published writer!!!

Honeytree







to Woody. Great writing though...

DiD, Steve and I talked about your situation last night, and we're in a different place. Firstly, Jim is in your life for good now because he's Suriya's dad. He's going to be spending unsupervised time with two of your children regardless of whether the two of you are together or not, so this is the real deal and you HAVE to work it out.
Second, that you need to get very clear what you want from him. As someone (Kavita?) said, some men have the knight-in-shining-armour self image, and stepdads get it harder than most. He's in a hard place right now seeing you all pregnant and tired and all and trying to fix it. Gently redirect him, so he knows what he can do right.
As for the tidying, you're going to need to help the boys more: the command "tidy your room" is just too overwhelming. Go read Flylady, and MyMessyHouse, and all the other, and find ways to break it down for them, like the 29-fling boogie or using a hulahoop to mark off one floor area to be worked on at a time. (Yes, even with a 9yo.) I'd also go and put half of everyone's toys away for the next six weeks so there's less to do. The dishwasher is a fun job in our house because it's new, but yeah. I hear you. I'd also make sure that tidy-up time is limited, so they have half an hour to get it done and then they eat, otherwise it can drag on all day.

Steve's first thought when he read this was "well, the hamsters are gone" but bless them, what are you going to do with them? Same with Gameboys- you can't actually remove them more than once or twice because it becomes a routine. (Taking the charger, OTOH, and limiting screen time through battery life works wonders. Ask me how I know







) Also at 9 going on 10, Gabriel at least is probably getting too big for this approach. I have the Michael Gurian books on order from Amazon at the moment trying to find a more appropriate solution for nine-ness, if I find one I'll let you know.

Zjande, you out there? Have you got anything? Sharon?

Kavita, great post


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## DucetteMama21842 (May 11, 2006)

Oh DiD... I wish I knew how to help... but I can't really say anything that these wonderful ladies haven't already said... So I guess just







: from me.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

DiD, Another big hug!!! I hope you have a productive talk with Jim this weekend, and that you can both figure something out, get on the same page, etc.

And Helen, a hug for you! I'm sorry it is so hard right now. I hope it gets better soon.

Kaspirant, your birth story is lovely, thank you for sharing. I'm so glad Leah is safe and sound. And that picture of her and Jacob is priceless!!! I hope poor little Jacob feels better soon.

And HoneyTree, a hug for you!!! Poor little Woody. I hope he is healing. You seem so calm and together.

Hope this is the start to a lovely weekend for everyone!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I'll be 10 weeks on Monday. My baby is turning from an embryo into a fetus! Woohoo!

I am so looking forward to the end of morning sickness and hopefully a little bit more energy for me. I am such a blob right now!

Our bout of pink eye is cleared up. Now if only Suriya would stop puking already, poor little peanut.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kaspirant* 
My boobs are about to rebel against me. In the last 48 hours I think I've had a total of 6 hours where there was no one nursing...

















I can't imagine how hard that would be!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kavita* 
I would also not be talking to your DH several times during the day and complaining about the kids. I would imagine that it makes him feel like things are out of control at home when he's gone, and also, if you buy the "men are from mars/women are from venus" stuff, your man wants to be your knight in shining armor and protect you and solve your problems. If you are complaining about the kids not doing the chores and how you are overburdened in the house and that the kids aren't listening to you and doing their chores, he's going to perceive that your parenting approach isn't working and want to try to resolve it *his* way. I'd find a girlfriend that I could talk to on the phone about your kids, who will sympathize without being personally involved or wanting to fix it for you, and leave your DH out of it unless it is something he needs to know. It sounds too like he is stressed and overwhelmed. He's probably dealing with it in a less than graceful way and probably he is just parenting the way he was parented and hasn't learned other skills. I can relate to that, as we all tend to react to our kids as *we* were reacted to by our own parents, unless we make a very intense and conscious choice to do otherwise. We can identify and choose a parenting philosophy that we are willing to commit to following, and then learn and practice other skills, but it's definitely challenging to put into practice even in the best of circumstances.

This made alot of sense to me. . .
And Lydia - would it be possible to get a mother's helper for a few hours a week (for even just a few weeks) to help out around the house?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoneyTree* 
And Woody broke his clavicle. If you want the whole story, it's below. But that's the short one!

OMG! You sound so calm about it. I'd be freaking out


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Susannah M* 
And Lydia - would it be possible to get a mother's helper for a few hours a week (for even just a few weeks) to help out around the house?

I wish. Totally not within our budget though, unfortunately.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

kaspirant~ Thank you for sharing your beautiful birth story, and I love the photo of Jacob and Leah together! I hope that he's feeling better soon and settles into big-brotherdom so your breast can have a little break from tandeming.

Teresa~ Many healing vibes to Woody, and way to go with the mama coolness in the situation









DID~ Big hugs. I don't have anything to add that these other wise women haven't already said. And needless to say, as a mama of one toddler- I don't have that life experience right now.

Spughy, we'll have to come to visit the goats again this summer


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

My beautiful child has been replaced by a small, whiny, bucketful of snot and misery.







Sigh. Thank goodness for MIL - she came over so I could take the dog out without subjecting Rowan to the chilly semi-rain we woke up to this morning. And then Rowan fell asleep on grandma, so I took the opportunty to zip down to the grocery store, so we should be good for groceries until sometime next week and I don't need to leave the house again today.

Now I must go entertain my little snotface. She's so cute. "I have a cold just like Mummy!!!" like it's something to be proud of.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Well, you're cool. If I were like you I'd be proud too







(btw, I made sourdough bread today







)

Kaspirant, I completely forgot to say in all the DiD drama, but I loved your birth story too. You rock, you know that?

Car broke down tonight. I swear, the universe wants us to be dependent on public transport







I did get a fantastic surprise through the mail, though, which kind of dilutes the horror of small boys and screaming girls.
How DID my daughter get to be so loud?


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Thanks for the virtual hugs, mamas. I was standing right by when it happened, and it wasn't a dramatic fall at all--only about two feet down, and onto twelve inches of squishy mulch. And as I've mentioned before, I work at this terrific little hippie school, so two other teachers came right away with the arnica and Rescue Remedy and stories of their own children's broken collar bones with no ill effects, etc. I knew it was broken right away because of location of the swelling and redness, but he calmed down soon afterward and within a day had resumed using that side, and I knew that there was nothing that could be done for it. So it was scary, but only when I spun out into the "what ifs" and didn't listen to my instinct that he was fine!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

kaspirant--beautiful birth story! Hope your boy is feeling better and your boobs are getting a (relative!) break!


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Today I took Neela to a fundraising play at a local coop preschool (James and the Giant Peach, with a Hungry Caterpillar puppet show- she loved it). Afterwards they had an open house for the preschool and we went out to play on their play structure. Neela was climbing a climbing wall thing on the jungle gym and I was standing a few steps away watching her figure it out. She was getting it- but it was tricky. Then one of the teachers (her name tag said she was the "twos teacher") came over and said "is this your kid? He needs some help to get up. It's too hard for the little ones. You need to show him where to climb". And I said "She's getting it". Then she said "It's too hard for them to climb off when they get to the top. Here.. I'll go help her". And she climbs up the play structure, tells Neela where to hold/stand and lifts her off the top of the climbing wall and onto the jungle gym.

Not exactly a huge endorsement for the preschool, that's for sure. I don't understand why she felt she had to come it and take over. I didn't say anything to her, but explained to Neela that she was climbing it really well and that I was sorry that the woman didn't give her a chance to finish


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Winter is scared of the pet hamsters. Poor thing. He insists they are kitty cats but won't touch them and runs away when we bring them out to play. He's so cute.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Skye doesn't like small animals either. She's seen a few litters of puppies (including relative newborns) and was TERRIFIED. Give her a nice substantial shire horse or an elephant and she's in her element. Or sheep, obviously...

Mel, WTF??????


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Mel, that is crazy! Most people just do not get it, do they?

Helen and DiD, thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning...both from your adorable kids and your way of putting it, dear Helen.









Finley seems to love most animals, but from a distance. The minute he's too close, he gets pretty shy and scared. When we saw horses and cows this fall, he loved them til we were either too close, or they made noice, which had him burrowing his head in us. Our friends have a cute new baby bunny, and he likes to say Hi Bunny, from about two feet away, crouched over, head tilted to the side, looking at him and talking to him. He'll pet him maybe once if I hold him.

I'm at the yoga center, working, and looking forward to getting back home to my boys for a comfy Sunday afternoon together.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

OOooh!!! Oohhh!!! Guess what US show starts over here on Good Friday???????


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Yay!
You can see all the women in their lingerie, which worries me (not seriously, in a fun/funny way)...if I get to stay on the show as a real character...will they be stripping me down to pretty panties too? Ack! (an issue I have in fact thought quite a bit about, my feelings about nudity, etc, in tv and film, and my role with that, if confronted with it...and i would probably be okay, if it seemed fitting and not indulgent or for nudity's sake). Anyway, the show is fun, not the strongest story-telling-wise, IMO, but fun.

My episode will be airing in the US in the fall, so I imagine it'll be a while for the UK, although perhaps the UK will catch right up with the US, what with the strike messing everything up.

Hopefully I'll be back on set this summer, when they will likely start shooting episodes again. And I *might* be on another show, that is more popular and would be more exciting and fitting for me...but won't know anything for a good three months. Fingers crossed! (a hint on the show: it stars Sally Field)

Ah, patience. Not my strong suit. At least I now know (via an email I received yesterday), that I won't be doing any work for either of those shows til summer at the earlier. Til then, I am enjoying FInley and brushing up on cooking skills and domestic goddessness, trying to get whatever photography gigs I can, and hoping an audition will pop on the horizon every now and then.

Sorry for the career-ramble.

Speaking of career, Amy, when do you start classes? Summer? Are you feeling excited and ready, getting in that head space of student again?

Off topic, but Monique...how ya feeling?


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Whose brilliant idea was it to start daylight savings early this year? I totally don't like it. Ugh.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
Whose brilliant idea was it to start daylight savings early this year? I totally don't like it. Ugh.

No kidding, hey? Bleh. I hate time changes. I set the clock ahead before I went to bed, so I had about 1/10 of a second when I woke up this morning where I was all happy that Rowan had slept in til nearly 8. Then reality reasserted itself and it was still too early to have her leaning over me coughing in my face.

DH is sick now too. He had devolved into a puddle on the couch, and I don't expect he'll be moving much today. I dragged Rowan to the grocery store this morning and she was reluctant to say the least. "I'm still too sick to go to the grocery store!"

On the animal front - Rowan's never had any trouble because we have a dog and a cat, and in the summer we do regular (sometimes TOO regular) visits to the baby goats. She loves horses and everything - the size of an animal doesn't seem to be a problem for her. I don't think it's ever crossed her mind that animals are anything to be worried about, except the cat when she's in a mood.

Mel - that's really unfortunate about that teacher. It doesn't seem like she should be working with kids like that.

Gotta go look at the marching teddy bears...


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Mel, that is really annoying. But, ya know, good that the true colors showed while you were there.

Alicia, thank you for sharing that beautiful story! I hope you are all snuggly and enjoying your babymoon!

HoneyTree, yikes! I agree with being amazed at your calmness during the crisis! I'd be flipping out, I'm sure. I'm glad he's doing well on the mending front.

barcelona, that's exciting about the other show! I've been wanting to check that one out anyway, so I will have even more reason to do so. I hope you get it! As for my school, I'm not actually taking classes. I'm finished with all of my coursework (all 83 hours - good lord) and now just have my qualifying exams, and then my dissertation. I'm still feeling excited about it and will actually be getting to work really soon - like in the next week or two - because the friend who will be caring for Brynn was happy to start now instead of May. So things really worked out in that department.









I'm very grouchy today. A combination of PMS, an INCREDIBLY SSSSSSSSSLOWWWWWW husband who made us miss a birthday party (







: ), and more almost unbelievably bad news of the financial nature from my school, and I'm about to go drown myself in a vat of cookie dough.

We did have a really pretty snowstorm this weekend though, and http://www.brynnamelia.blogspot.com/snow-dayBrynn absolutely loved it.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Sniff. I want snow. Cute pictures though


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Mel, there is a teacher with whom I do not get along working at my school, too. Parents have complained, her students complain to me, I complain to the director, but nobody has made a big enough fuss to oust her, and the skills she does bring to the community are valued enough (by some) to justify keeping her (I guess). I offer that simply to say that if there is a lot more that is drawing you to that school, maybe mention your reservations about her particularly to the co-op organizer or keep it in mind for when Neela's three and won't be in that woman's class.

Add mine to the voices of grievance over the time change. Though I can never remember, which is the time change? Which is the one that actually screws everything up, fall or spring? I saw a special on the terrible effects of sleep deprivation today. As if I needed confirmation...









Amy, I was thinking of you midwestish mamas in hearing of all the snowstorms. Those pictures are sweet; looks like she had a blast! Flapjack, no winter wonderland for us, either. Dh played frisbee in the sun with Woody today amid the full-blooming azaleas, dogwoods, and camellias!


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

Coming late to this I know, but to put my 2 cents in...

First, congrats to kaspirant! Thanks for sharing Leah's birth story - I am glad to hear she is thriving. Hope the whole tandem thing improves fast!

And a big







HoneyTree - my eldest broke her clavicle at two, I remember the overwhelmingness of it, the horror of the Xrays, the horrible grating sound from the broken bones - yikes, I could just cry thinking about it again, and you wrote so eloquently of it. Hope he heals quickly and painlessly, and that you heal from the mama-trauma of it!

DiD -







This too shall pass, mama. For now, I would agree with pp that it would help to vent to others, rather than your DH, and see if you guys can find time to talk about how the two of you can agree on parenting approaches. (Yeah, right, finding the time, I know! But try...) And I would say decide the things that you really need done, and talk with your kids, as pp also noted, they are big enough that you can be frank with them. The best advice I ever got about talking to my kids was to sort of mentally imagine myself standing beside them with my arm around their shoulder, looking at the problem together, saying "Now how can we solve this?" And then discuss it with them, keeping that attitude in mind.... Does that make sense? It really helped me, hope it makes sense to you!
So then just put it out there, let them see where you are, and what needs to be done, and maybe even let them brainstorm how things can get done best. Maybe just a group cleanup for 15 minutes in the morning and evening, with each person tackling something, maybe setting a timer and a goal, like cleaning their rooms for 15 minutes, and they can stop when it is done. I think kids have a hard time doing something on their own initiative, even the best of kids, and I think they overestimate how much work it is - so if you can get them going, and make it clear that you only need 15 minutes of their time, they will probably mind less, IYKWIM.
The other thing I have found, maybe it is just my girls, but they respond much better if I talk in terms of how "helpful" things are - if I want them to do something, I say "It would be so helpful if you would do this (specific thing)" or "It is not very helpful to leave your dishes on the table" - but actually, speaking positively makes a difference - I get a better response with "It would be helpful if you would put those dishes in the dishwasher".
I know it is work just to stay on top of them, that ideally we would tell them it is their job to keep their room clean, etc, but at least with my girls, I have not found it possible.
If you haven't read it, I highly recommend "How to Talk so Kids will Listen..." I know it has improved things in my house.
I also just want to encourage you, that this is a very tough stage for you, but soon you will feel better, have more energy, and life will look better, I am sure.

Amy, my girls loved the pics of Brynn playing outside and having her cocoa. That is tradition here, too - we always have cocoa after being outside in winter!

Sarah, I loved your article about the farm; it really made me want to go there, and you (like HoneyTree) write really well. I also want to thank you for at least 30 minutes entertainment with the marching teddies and every other animal card on that site!!







We have a houseful of Chudleigh fans, now.

oops, waking babe....


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Amy, the snow looks fun! We had a t-shirt weather afternoon here today, which Neela got to go out and enjoy despite a little cold.

And I wasn't really clear about the preschool, but we only went for the play. I'm not looking at any preschool options for Neela since we're not staying in town. Mostly I was just annoyed that someone who is a teacher of twos really doesn't get how to sit on her hands and let kids learn stuff for themselves. I think I was actually feeling kind of disgruntled from a little too much unsolicited parenting advice/intervention this week, so felt super annoyed by the teacher woman. And to the stupid truck driver who thinks I need to teach my kid how to double check for cars: She's two. It's pretty impressive that she knows how to work a crossing light, stop for the hand and go for the walk. I shoulder checked and saw you, and I'll teach her that when she's ready. Until then, she's safe, and you should butt out!

There, rant over









This time change wasn't bad for us, since Neela's cold made her more tired and able to nap/sleep earlier. That said, I think time changes are ridiculous. I would be more than happy to keep the same schedule year round. Unless someone wants to make a very eloquent argument for energy and fossil fuel savings...


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelW* 
I would be more than happy to keep the same schedule year round. ...

When I lived in Indiana for grad school (2002 - 2005), they were still not on the whole time-change bandwagon, so half of the year we'd be on central time, and half of the year we'd be on Eastern time. It was ridiculous! And the other thing was, it did start getting light before 5:00am during the summer, which was not so conducive to sleeping past 5:30, when it was full day-light! So I kind of don't mind.







And I love that it's light til 7:30'ish now! Not that we can enjoy being outside yet....grumble grumble.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Up here it's full daylight at 5:30 in the middle of summer ANYWAY even on DST. And where I grew up, it was only halfway dark at 2 am, which made the daylight savings even more ridiculous.

I had the WORST night last night. Rowan had a 3 1/2 hour nap yesterday afternoon and perked up considerably then would NOT go to sleep. I was exhausted, I was making DH sleep on the couch so he would get a full night's sleep because HE is sick and I was trapped in the bedroom, DYING for sleep with a wiggly toddler who would not settle down. I lost it, I got mad and said "JUST GO TO SLEEP! MUMMY IS GOING TO LOSE IT!!!" which of course started her crying, and me crying, and it was just a bad scene. She didn't get to sleep until nearly midnight, by which time I was overtired and overwrought and I slept like crap. I am SO dead this morning, and I have the extra kid this afternoon... it's gonna be a long day.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

I hope you survived the tired day, Spughy. And wishing you a good night's sleep tonight! I have totally snapped at bedtime like that before, too- it's nice to know I'm in good company


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Spughy, hang in there! That is so rough, and I have definitely be there, in that sleep-deprived place. Hope your DH Is feeling back to himself soon.

Amy and Honeytree, I LOVED seeing the pictures of your beautiful children! And in such opposite environments...snow and southern sunshine. Amy, Brynn looks so full of joy and intelligence, and Honeytree, Woody is so gorgeous and looks so sweet. Hope his collarbone is feeling better.

More soon!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Spughy.

I have a strange and scary new obsession with baking and breadmaking. It's fun


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 
Off topic, but Monique...how ya feeling?

like s**t, quite frankly. between the exploding exercise ball injuries and all of us getting a round of wipe-out energy colds last week, I've pretty much no energy to do anything but let the kids do whatever and lay on the couch to "supervise."
I think I've "dropped" but the change in baby position is ripping apart the upper part of where my abs have separated on previous pregnancies. Searing pain, like someone has a hot iron inside my belly and is poking me with it.
I started having contractions on Sunday. Not heavy, but definitely not brx hicks either. they come and go and are never closer than 12 minutes apart. I'll be 38 wks tomorrow.

Still haven't gotten my birth pool and it's







me off!!!










I need suggestions for pregnancy/nursing compatible mood enhancers because I'm falling into that inadequate/overwhelmed/apathetic cycle of emotions that has me a bit worried about PPD. Maybe I'm just tired of being pregnant. I can honestly say i haven't really enjoyed this pg at all. Sigh. I've GOT to get out of the house more than just dropping Willem off at preschool and going to my knitting group on Thursdays. I'm actually thinking ahead, way ahead, and wondering if daycare will be a viable option in the fall so I can focus more attention/energy on our business... it's the SAHM'ing that I can't take full time. It's too reminiscent of the years I spent being homeschooled and all the depression I experienced then.... a complete 'nother issue I don't feel like getting into again.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Monique, big







. I can't imagine what being injured, pregnant, and dealing with two little ones would be like. As far as PP mood enhancers go, I'd vote for a playgroup - either when Willem's at preschool or one that would take kids his age too. Kids can play, you can hang out with the new one, and talk to other grownups. The better playgroups have snacks, too







and coffee









Mamas, I need some advice. Rowan's been having a rough couple of days, not feeling well, and with me being sick before her, and understandably she's developed a bit of a clingy thing. Yesterday I had to look after my neighbour's little girl and Rowan aborted her nap early (like 10 minutes in) because she was too snuffly and couldn't breathe while nursing, so I called in reinforcements - my MIL. She stayed with Rowan and put her down for a proper nap while I took little A. out for a walk to get her to sleep and exercise the poor neglected dog. Rowan cried when I left, but not too too much - I felt bad but not reeeally bad, y'know? I knew there were things she wanted to do with grandma and she'd remember them as soon as I was out the door. Sure enough, she'd stopped crying even before I closed the door and was sound asleep when I came back an hour later.

But this morning... this morning... I took her up to the IL's place as usual, and she had *hysterics* when I tried to leave. Screaming, physically grabbing on to me, kicking at grandma when she tried to lift her away... just awful. I nursed her, hung out for a bit - but in the end I left with her still crying. And I felt terrible. I stressed about it and very nearly went back several times, finally decided that she HAD to have some reason for being so upset with me going, some internal insecurity or something, and my need to get errands done and give the dog a decent run probably didn't outweigh her apparent need for mummy 24/7 and I would have to just tell grandma and grandpa that we'd still come visit lots but I wouldn't leave Rowan there until she was comfortable with it again.

And then... I got home, and there was a message from MIL telling me that she'd stopped crying literally in less than 30 seconds after I left, and she was playing happily. Like a little switch.

I just don't know how to handle this. I KNOW she loves spending time at the ILs - grandpa gets her new library books every week, she has WAY more toys there, she gets undivided attention as much as she wants, she doesn't get dragged out to the grocery store or anything... and she loves her grandma and grandpa and her uncle who lives there too. But is that bonding time with them - which they LOVE, they so enjoy having her there - worth the separation pain? This is completely a recent thing, like in the past two days, and might just be because she's still feeling a bit sick. She's never, ever had problems with me leaving her there before - usually I have to hunt her down to say goodbye. And it's not like I'm leaving her with strangers, she's with family who love her, and she's very attached to them.

I just don't know what to do if it happens again. Stay there til she goes to sleep, then leave? Just take her with me on errands? (I wouldn't get them done, she'd fall asleep in the car, and then probably wake up when I took her inside, crabbifying her for the rest of the day) Not even bother to go to the IL's in the first place? They'd be heartbroken.

To complicate things, my mom is coming to visit for nearly a week, arriving tonight. Although, it might make things easier because I'd have a legitimate excuse to keep Rowan with me for another few days...

Anyone been through something similar? Advice?


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
Anyone been through something similar? Advice?

It's interesting this is coming up for you now. I was just thinking last night that Brynn seems to *finally* be getting over this; her phase lasted for close to two months. It was really bad too - *nobody* was allowed to do anything for or with her except Mama, including Jason. Our evening routine involves him taking over after dinner is finished and going through the whole bedtime routine with her, including bath, snack, brushing teeth, jammies, and reading stories. Well, she just got to a point where she'd get *hysterical* if he tried to do the usual routine, screaming, "Don't take me away from Mommy!" and "Daddy, I'm scared of you!" It was *REALLY* hard. For both of us.

Our strategy (and I'm not even saying this as advice, but just for your information) was to keep things as normal as possible; we stuck to our usual routine and I didn't really intervene unless the situation was dire. We also made an effort to have Jason spend as much time with her as possible during her non-tired times, so they go on dates every weekend while I stay home.

It wasn't just him though; it was my MIL when she came in February (Brynn did not want Grammy to take her away from me either, but she did fine by the end of the week when we stayed at the hotel), and when she stayed with Kavita about six weeks ago, she had a really rough time. Around the same time frame, she was really upset while we went to the movies and left her with really good friends, whom she *loves*.

But then - almost overnight, it seems, she went back to her usual evening routine without any fuss, and last week when I was sick, she slept with Jason in the spare bedroom one night, and then he completely put her to bed in her room another night, and she was *fine* with it. I was amazed. Oh and we went to a movie last weekend, and the same friends babysat, and she was totally happy to see them and didn't even fuss for a second when we left.

So, there ya go.









My guess is that because she's feeling sick, there's just no one as good as Mama! And if you're feeling like you need a legitimate excuse to keep her home for a few days, go ahead and do it! I mean, shoot, your mom is coming down from the North Pole and all.









I hope her phase doesn't last as long as ours did, but I guess I can say it will pass eventually!

Monique, big big







Sorry you are so uncomfortable and in a dark place. I hope you see the







soon!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Monique, try chocolate. Seriously, a good first place to start. Go read the PPD forum for suggestions on fish oil and whatnot, and make sure you keep cooking from scratch (or better still, Chris keeps cooking from scratch) every night.
The other thing I'll say from bitter experience is that you're near the end of pregnancy- and for me, week 36 is harder than week 38. More contractions, more mood fluctuations. You're transitioning into that "any time now" state, you know that baby is nearly fully grown and you've got all that worry about how you're going to cope with three. Just accept it- that your tiredness and the down feelings are how you are today, but tomorrow can be different. Then go and do something that makes you happy.

Spughy, I think she's just being two. I don't think she's deeply traumatised by being left with grandma, I think that she's moving away from her baby years and into life as a person independent of you and she doesn't like how growing up feels. Don't move the goalposts- don't introduce new changes like a preschool, but don't change the routine either. Keep it constant whilst she's changing.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
You're transitioning into that "any time now" state, you know that baby is nearly fully grown and you've got all that worry about how you're going to cope with three. Just accept it- that your tiredness and the down feelings are how you are today, but tomorrow can be different. Then go and do something that makes you happy.










: I really needed to hear that. I am way too harsh with myself. And then I get so overwhelmed with my self criticism that I just give up. I need to learn to let go and just let be. Thanks. Big hugs to you too! I know I haven't said much about your situation in way of encouragement but it's mostly because it seems like you are living through what I'm afraid is about to happen here. So I don't have much to say about it.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Spughy, we have been through times of screaming separation (though only until I'm out of earshot) and times of easy peasy separation from me. Could you make a deal that your parents will call you if she stays upset beyond a specific amount of time? Also a talk with Rowan when she's not upset might be insightful- just the usual reminders that you will come back, that you know that she's sad to have you leave but that you know she has fun with her grandparents. Some kids with cry with separations out of the confusion of missing their parents yet enjoying themselves separately at the same time. Or they think that being upset will reassure you of their love. Cause they're little and stuff like that makes sense. (Neela sometimes shows me how she is "mean" to her friends and teachers at daycare by refusing to greet them and saying "no hi's!" when we arrive. In her two year old reasoning it shows her fidelity to me as her number one friend.)

Monique, big hugs. And Helen, thanks for being here and having sage advice.

I'm being called away to join a wild rumpus. We've read where the wild things are too many times to count this week, and are now singing twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder where the wild things are...


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Monique, things are getting better here. The babies are back out of the toybox and getting breastfed and whatnot, the screaming is stopping and generally, everyone is getting along and my serene yet chaotic home is that way once more. I even cleaned







and that doesn't happen often round here.

So yes. This too will pass, and then the next bit will pass too. And then the bit after, and we'll be ninety and stressing out about all the living we missed out on whilst breathing deeply muttering "this too will pass." "this too will pass."

Alternatively, of course, you could have the Rocky Horror Show running in continual loop in the back of your head. I don't know why, but the Sword of Damocles is stuck between my ears and it makes me laugh whenever things get really bad.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

I had to get up super early for an appointment at the vet and now of course everyone is awake except Jim. I got 4 1/2 broken hours of sleep and I am cranky. The good news is my poor cat will be spayed and I will no longer have the desire to strangle her because she won't be howling all night long.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Big hugs to everyone!

Monique, an extra big one for you, to make it through this place. I can't offer more wise advice than our dear Helen, so I'll just keep it at a simple hug, and know that lots of good vibes are coming your way. Keep us posted, and I hope you are feeling yourself and happy again soon.

Helen, thanks for always having such wise words, and I am so glad to hear that things are peaceful (and clean!) at your house again. And I imagine the sweet smell of baking bread, too. I want to start into that. I have been loving this TF thing, and want to try my hand at sourdough. I'm about to roll out some cream cheese pastry (rugelah), and it's oh so fun.

Spughy, everyone else, again, has good advice, and I have a hug for ya. Finley did that a lot when he was younger, but has been okay with us leaving now for several months. I imagine it's coming from any or all of those places: growing up and mixed feelings, or being sick, or showing you she loves you. And I think a talk is a great idea, too, to perhaps clarify what is going on. Either way, I hope the separation anxiety passes soon. And I hope your garden is growing beautifully!

Amy, so glad things are easy with Brynn again. How amazing that she is going to sleep with Jason with no problems. How is weaning going?

DiD, I'm sorry you had such a hard night, and hope you make it through the day okay.

Finley has been nursing a lot less lately, which I am fine with, though do have pangs of sentimental passing, and then remember how great it is. And then he has a day where he nurses quite a bit, like yesterday, I think mostly because we were with friends who also nurse, a baby and a toddler, so he sees it and is "inspired" or reminded. But the days before that, he went all day with nursing either just once or not at all, and then, of course, needing it desperately at bedtime. And then he does still nurse in the early morning, draped over me, while I'm on my back, and a bit uncomfortable...but if the nursing is going down this much, I feel like I can handle the early morning bits better. And then it looks like just once in the day, before bed, and early morning. I can do that!

DH has Finley out right now at the train place, while I am doing some baking and cleaning and housework stuff, which I can do with Finley around, but it's that much easier and quicker without him. And here I am posting on MDC, cause I can actually do more than just read along!

Off to be a domestic goddess, and then tackle some show business work before the guys get home!

Wishing everyone a beautiful, peaceful day!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amy** 

It wasn't just him though; it was my MIL when she came in February (Brynn did not want Grammy to take her away from me either, but she did fine by the end of the week when we stayed at the hotel), and when she stayed with Kavita about six weeks ago, she had a really rough time. Around the same time frame, she was really upset while we went to the movies and left her with really good friends, whom she *loves*.

Heh heh, I can attest to that! (Although I think she was partly so cranky that day because it was for all intents and purposes nap time!) Ella tends to narrate a lot about various things that have happened in the past, and every so often she'll bust out with, "Brynn crying, because mommy go get haircut. She's sad. Don't worry, Brynn! Mommy back soon! Mommy come back and get you!"









Ella has been super duper clingy the last few days too, but I think it's partly due to the fact that she's been slightly sick, and our routine/schedule has been kind of off what with our one babysitter quitting and then me going to the dentist twice last week and her being with different babysitters at weird times, and then our gym/playroom routine getting off due to that as well. I think sometimes they just go through that when they are under the weather. I honestly think the time change and the change in weather are really affecting us over here too--naps and bedtime and waking up all "feel" different due to the different light, and it's actually kind of getting me a little whacked out too. I wouldn't worry *too* much about it, I would suspect that Rowan is just going through a little phase and she'll probably get out of it soon enough--maybe just the fact that you were taking care of another baby and gave her to MIL unexpectedly sort of upset her too? Maybe she is sort a little jealous/unsettled by that? (Probably not the right words but that's the best I can come up with at the moment.)


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *willemsmamma* 
I need suggestions for pregnancy/nursing compatible mood enhancers because I'm falling into that inadequate/overwhelmed/apathetic cycle of emotions that has me a bit worried about PPD. Maybe I'm just tired of being pregnant. I can honestly say i haven't really enjoyed this pg at all. Sigh. I've GOT to get out of the house more than just dropping Willem off at preschool and going to my knitting group on Thursdays. I'm actually thinking ahead, way ahead, and wondering if daycare will be a viable option in the fall so I can focus more attention/energy on our business... it's the SAHM'ing that I can't take full time. It's too reminiscent of the years I spent being homeschooled and all the depression I experienced then.... a complete 'nother issue I don't feel like getting into again.









Also chiming in to say that besides b-vitamins and fish oil and getting whatever sun you can and just having your baby and not being pregnant anymore, (and seconding what Helen said) I'd keep in mind that this is just the perfect time of year for feeling depressed and annoyed and impatient in this general climate zone--I'm feeling a little bummed too in similar ways and I'm not even hugely miserably pregnant!! All the good stuff about winter is getting to be pretty much over but it's still not quite early enough to get excited about spring and start doing spring things yet, and it just feels like winter is never going to end. It's sort of a weird in-between stage. (Last week we had 10 inches of snow, today it's like 68 degrees here.) I think that approaching the stage of "let's just get this pregnancy thing over with" is probably hard too when coupled with the "aaarrrgh let's get this winter thing over with" and yet you still have a little way to go (with both pregnancy and sprint!) so the anticipation of the baby and the desperation to get it out haven't completely overcome the concern and anxiety about how you're going to manage with three, those normal worries about the birth and the baby and your self, and the adjustment to a new season of your life as a family!!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 

Finley has been nursing a lot less lately, which I am fine with, though do have pangs of sentimental passing, and then remember how great it is. And then he has a day where he nurses quite a bit, like yesterday, I think mostly because we were with friends who also nurse, a baby and a toddler, so he sees it and is "inspired" or reminded. But the days before that, he went all day with nursing either just once or not at all, and then, of course, needing it desperately at bedtime. And then he does still nurse in the early morning, draped over me, while I'm on my back, and a bit uncomfortable...but if the nursing is going down this much, I feel like I can handle the early morning bits better. And then it looks like just once in the day, before bed, and early morning. I can do that!

It's so funny how they go back and forth with nursing, isn't it?

Ella is in a phase of nursing a lot lately, and it's driving me a little batty. I think it's because we've been home a lot more this past week and she's been bored, and also gets irritated if I want to read or be on the computer or do anything but give her my undivided attention. So she has been kind of pushy lately with nursing and just in general--grabbing onto my legs, tackling me in the kitchen, jumping on my back for a piggyback ride, crawling all over me in bed, etc. I have this weird "milestone" thing with feeling like I *have* to keep nursing her until we get back from India. After that, I don't care if she stops, although I suspect that she won't stop anytime soon. it's hilarious though, she is quite fond of m&ms







and we had a big discussion the other day over whether she preferred "num nums" or chocolate. And she declared that chocolate was better. I was sort of teasing her about that, that I couldn't believe that she like chocolate better and maybe I should just give her M&M's instead of nursing her, and so she got a little more reflective when she realized that her future as a nursing toddler might hinge on her answer so when I asked her what she liked better, she thought for a moment and then ingeniously declared that "chocolate num-nums" were the best!! She's so funny!

Her imagination is in full bloom these days--DH bought her a set of Duplo blocks and the box they come in is green--the other day she got on her hands and knees and was crawling around and put the box over her back and butt and declared that she was a turtle! It was so funny, because she really did look like a turtle too!! I have a digital timer that she really likes playing with--there is an LCD display with the numbers and the buttons beep when you push them, etc. Quite often it's a phone, but last week she was playing with a pile of blocks on the bed and started using the timer to "scan" items, like she was a grocery store cashier--she would take a block from the pile on the right, hold it and "scan" it by passing it over the block and pushing the button to make it beep, declare "rice" and then put it in a pile on her left side, then scan the next item, "beans", same routine, "tomatoes", etc. It was hilarious.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Well, I rewrote my master list of things that still need to be done/bought etc today and tomorrow I am going to divide it up into more manageable chunks. I scrubbed the bathroom, swept all the floors, did a bunch of laundry, actually cooked dinner, AND went to a local mamas group meeting tonight.
I'm still grouchy but feeling better.
I saw babies at the meeting and for some reason I just can't believe I'm about to have another baby... and go through all that it entails. I know I'll be fine, I just don't feel like I did the past two times. It's a weird feeling, almost like I'm in some sort of denial. I am too familiar with the "freedom" of having kids that can use the potty on their own, can feed themselves at the table, can more or less entertain themselves (albeit for short periods of time) etc.

I am going to have a BABY that is going to be completely dependent on ME.







: Why is that such a bizarre thought? I must be losing it









Taking fish oil ( I really should be taking cod liver oil though) and all my vitamins already and I plan on continuing after baby is born... I think you are right, Kavita, about the season. I've always been down in the dumps in these last months of winter, even when I was a kid.

Anyway.

Paypal refunded my money







and I got my birth pool ordered. It should be here in 4 days. Then baby can come


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.

Oh! Ellie has been clingy lately, her latest thing is to yell, "I want you, Mommy!" even when I'm standing right there, sometimes even when I'm holding her. I know she's really saying, "I want your full attention, Mommy!" but the constant repeating "I want you, Mommy!" when I'm freaking right there is super frustrating.

But, in nice news, Killian is doing wonderfully at preschool and his teacher just moved him up to the pre-K curriculum because he'd already mastered everything in the preschool curriculum. So, even with all the struggles I've had with him this year it seems I haven't totally screwed him up!!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.


My first thought intuitively when reading this was, "fish oil, b complex, calcium, good . . . aaack, stop taking kelp!!!" Then it made me wonder why you are taking kelp to begin with and if you have a preexisting thyroid issue. Anxiety, panic disorders, worry, insomnia, are all symptoms of hyperthyroid. And didn't you have a sort of weird heart palpitation/chest pain thing a while ago while exercising? That can be a hyperthyroid symptom as well. I'd stop taking the kelp and see if that helps matters somewhat, and bring this up with your NP and see if she can test your thyroid levels. (T3 and T4 and not just TSH . . . I'd have to look up the exact tests but a lot of times they just do TSH, and TSH doesn't give you the whole picture.)

The second thing I would consider is if there is some underlying emotional issue, particularly one which you might be suppressing. I think therapy can be very helpful for that and for helping to deal with anxiety if you find the right therapist. And I'm not trying to snidely or cleverly insinuate anything, I have no idea what--if anything--might be bothering you. I am basing that on my own personal experience of a point in time when I started experiencing serious anxiety to the point of some anxiety attack type symptoms--I was sort of suppressing some things and therapy really helped me work through that.

Hugs, hope it gets better for you soon!!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

I'm taking kelp because there was a big study a few years ago about contaminants in breastmilk and how part of the problem was a lack of iodine in mother's diets and therefore toxins weren't being filtered out of the body as well as they could be. At the time, I lived in the midwest where there was no good seafood to be had and use sea salt and/or kosher salt, so I thought it was possible I wasn't getting enough iodine. So... that's why. My exercise issue was that I had numbness in my right arm while running (but working on my form while doing crunches seems to have helped that). I had my thyroid tested after Ellie was born and it was normal, and my midwife was pretty dismissive of the idea that I might have an out-of-whack thyroid because both times I wanted to get pregnant I was successful within about 20 days - seriously. She said if I was having thyroid issues I wouldn't have been able to get pregnant so easily. So, I'd just dismissed my thyroid concerns. I'll try stopping the kelp and see if that helps - thanks for the suggestion.


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Oh, and not to ignore the therapy suggestion... but I really can't think of any major emotional trauma I've ever had. I've had a ridiculously easy life, overall. My home life was wonderful growing up, my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years, I never had any relative die until I was in college, I went to college on a full scholarship, married my high school sweetheart, got pregnant exactly when I wanted to, etc. I've always struggled with being a perfectionist, and always dealt with anxiety to some extent. (My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year. We all breathed a sigh of relief when Killian happily picked his coat hook in about two seconds at preschool orientation!) So, I guess I've never thought about therapy because what would I say? I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's prettymuch the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)

I'm actually feeling a little better just admitting that I'm struggling with this stuff. I also talked to a friend about it tonight, and talked to DH about it, and overall I'm feeling like maybe its okay that I can't handle everything 100% of the time, and that "this, too, shall pass."


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
I've found more and more the last few years (especially since Ellie was born) that my mood is tied very closely to how much sunlight I get. I've been going through some major anxiety stuff lately (had my first panic attack the other night) and I'm just miserable. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't be un-busy for one second or else obsessive, worrying thoughts overwhelm me. I'm having to take OTC sleep aids to fall asleep at night... Anyone have any advice on how to deal with anxiety? I've decided if things don't start getting better in the next 1-2 weeks I'm going to go see my nurse practitioner to talk about some kind of medication. I'm just having trouble functioning without being able to eat or sleep regularly. This is how my eating disorder in college started, too, major anxiety that stopped me from eating, I got tons of compliments on my thinner physique, and the cycle just got more intense.

Sorry to be such a downer. I've thought about St. John's Wort, I took that in college and it seemed to help. But, it decreases the effectiveness of hormonal birth control and I'm on the Ring and definitely don't want to risk pregnancy. I take Fish Oil and a super-B-complex and calcium and kelp and a pre-natal... anything else I'm missing? Oh, and I take melatonin the nights I don't resort to a sleep aid.

My first thought was St John's Wort








Have you tried Rescue Remedy? I have friends that swear by it, but I have not tried it. My partner has major panic attacks so I know from witnessing them how horrible they are. I'm sorry you are experiencing this









Helen - I'm so glad to hear that things are getting better with your littles!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Queen of Cups, I'd start with Rescue Remedy for the panic attacks and look at one of the other flower remedies to treat the underlying cause. I've got the school run to do now, but I'll have a quick flick through my books and see what I can come up with. Do you think it's your mind struggling to deal with the transition back to being an independent person as Elly grows and is less dependent though- you know, the whole "so what do I do NOW?" thing. I had it badly when Isaac hit nearly-3, especially when he started preschool. Ihave to say, having had the perfect life myself, it is unbelievably stressful not to have a reason to feel emotionally down sometimes. That's probably why I went so far off the rails with drink and drugs and dangerous men and ended up going cold turkey on everything at 17. Seriously. Parents







: you up no matter what they do, it's the law. And in 30 years time, Elly and Skye will probably meet on an online parenting board and be complaining about us- hey, how cool will that be?

I'd also strongly suggest cognitive behavioural therapy- it helped Steve a lot last time round the whole anxiety treadmill.

Oh, and I'm going to kill him. Really. I'm just fed up of feeling like decorative wall art.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

QoC, sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I want to come over to your house and make you a cup of tea and hug you.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups*
My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year....I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's pretty much the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)

That story and passage made me think about being highly sensitive. Have you read the book The Highly Sensitive Person? I know we've talked about highly sensitive children, but I believe this author's studies began with adults. I think perfectionism and the resultant anxiety of being so hard on yourself are (or, can be) key traits of highly sensitive people.

Not to harp on the therapy thing, but I also think that your admitted perfectionism and your history of eating disorder are both *major* signs of needing to have control in your life (and by inference, the lack of control at at some earlier point). So like Kavita said, I'm not assuming anything, but maybe that's an area to ponder. I am a major perfectionist, sometimes to the point of neurosis, but I know exactly where mine came from. (Sigh)

I hope it turns out to be something simple like the kelp, though! Good luck with finding a solution, and keep us updated please.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Queen of Cups, I'd start with Rescue Remedy for the panic attacks and look at one of the other flower remedies to treat the underlying cause.

Definitely!
I had severe panic attacks for about 18 months after I broke up with my ex who stalked me and dh. Really really bad episodes. I didn't even want to go to school because I was afraid he was going to show up and shoot my dh and I (we were still just dating at the time).
The only thing that really helped was the bach flower remedies. There's one specific for unknown fears. I think it's mimulus or something like that. I also took sweet chestnut, olive, pine, hornbeam, and a few others. Within a week of taking them I was feeling so much better. I didn't even go to a practioner or anything, I just did the self questionaire and dosed myself up. Powerful stuff.








hope you can find something to help


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

QofC, not to turn this into a analysis/diagnosis thread for you, but I was coming here to suggest flower remedies, too. The other thing that may help with depression/anxiety/sleep issues in the winter time is one of those lights that people use for SAD- I have a couple of family members who struggled with seasonal depression until they got one. It helps keep your circadian rhythm more in tune and triggers proper melatonin release for sleep times if you get enough light exposure during the daytime, and the light is a sub for the sun in gloomy winter weather (or northern latitudes).

Flapjack ~ Big hugs. At least you're decorative









I just traded a few shifts at work for next week, and we're going to California if all goes well. San Francisco, Sequoia park and Yosemite. We had the realization that we weren't going to be living in the US very much longer, and had not been beyond Oregon and Washington. So it's family road trip time!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Ya'll convinced me - I got some Bach Rescue Remedy today!








And, got rid of my kelp supplement. And spent several hours outdoors. And sold off some maternity/baby stuff, which felt good. Both the extra cash and the extra space feel good, actually!

Thank you all so much for your support, I can't explain how much it means to me.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
Oh, and not to ignore the therapy suggestion... but I really can't think of any major emotional trauma I've ever had. I've had a ridiculously easy life, overall. My home life was wonderful growing up, my parents have been happily married for almost 30 years, I never had any relative die until I was in college, I went to college on a full scholarship, married my high school sweetheart, got pregnant exactly when I wanted to, etc. I've always struggled with being a perfectionist, and always dealt with anxiety to some extent. (My family still teases me about the total breakdown I had on kindergarten orientation day when I was told to pick my coat hook for the year and I freaked out and couldn't handle the pressure. I was convinced that choice would make or break the year. We all breathed a sigh of relief when Killian happily picked his coat hook in about two seconds at preschool orientation!) So, I guess I've never thought about therapy because what would I say? I get anxious and expect a lot of myself, and that's prettymuch the extent of my problems. (Not to sound too flippant, I'm trying to be a bit funny to lighten the mood.)

I'm actually feeling a little better just admitting that I'm struggling with this stuff. I also talked to a friend about it tonight, and talked to DH about it, and overall I'm feeling like maybe its okay that I can't handle everything 100% of the time, and that "this, too, shall pass."


When I am talking about suppressed issues it's not that I'm thinking that there is some horrible forgotten traumatic deep dark incident in your past that you need to dredge up, or anything like that. I guess what I am sort of thinking (based, again, on my own personal experience, take what you will and ignore the rest) is that sometimes you get to a junction in your life where you *have* everything you've always wanted. And you have a history of getting what you want. But sometimes you get to a point in life when you sort of hit the "end of the line" of the things that you have imagined for yourself, ie, you *have* the degree, the husband, the kids, the house, the body, etc., that you have always wanted. "So if I have the perfect life, why doesn't I feel so great right now?" and also, "So now that I have achieved this, what do I do now? Where do I go from here?" (And I'm also a super-intense perfectionist and very hard on myself, and can be extremely goal oriented.) For me, that point where things were going exactly according to plan and the things I'd been doing were coming to fruition was when the anxiety set in. Therapy was very helpful in dealing with that, and it turned out that for me there were some things that were sort of lurking below the surface that I had trouble really admitting because really acknowledging them would mean changing some aspects of my life, which was actually going very well according to plan! It's actually easier in many ways to work for your own happiness and/or change your life when there is an obvious problem, than it is to change things when your life is "perfect".


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

:

OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

In what respect, Helen?
Obviously for me, I don't think my perspective has much perspective at all. I mean, a quarter of the year is almost over and I've spent all of it (or about 99.9% of it) wishing it would go by faster.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I mean, so much bad stuff all around. I have the baby that I spent so many months yearning so hard for- am I happy? No, because so much bad stuff is happening it feels like karmic retribution for killing puppies in a former life- and my other DDC seems to be the same way. Just- blah. No. It just seems to be a bit of an annus horribilis already.
BTW, I still feel cheated for missing out on two weeks of prodromal labour







Stop wishing your life away...


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelW* 
I just traded a few shifts at work for next week, and we're going to California if all goes well. San Francisco, Sequoia park and Yosemite. We had the realization that we weren't going to be living in the US very much longer, and had not been beyond Oregon and Washington. So it's family road trip time!

Ooh, I love Sequoia & Yosemite! Actually, I haven't been in more than 10 years now so I'm sure there are lots of things that have changed from what I would remember. . . enjoy your trip!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
Ya'll convinced me - I got some Bach Rescue Remedy today!







And, got rid of my kelp supplement. And spent several hours outdoors. And sold off some maternity/baby stuff, which felt good. Both the extra cash and the extra space feel good, actually!









I hope something in there helps!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

Yes. Can it just be over already? Please? (So much for your suggestion of not wishing your life away)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
I mean, so much bad stuff all around. I have the baby that I spent so many months yearning so hard for- am I happy?

Well I am definitely NOT an expert on any of this but I would think that it would be a HUGE adjustment to have another babe at this point (no matter how wanted and planned he was/is). I'd also imagine that a partner could be having a hard time about now with that transition of adding another. Add to that living with your FIL, young siblings having problems with a new little, and well, it just sounds really hard to me. And umm, have you considered that it could be PPD? I hate to be a downer here, sorry.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

I don't feel more bad stuff has been happening than usual. It comes in spurts here and there but the victories seem to outweigh the dredges for now. My life seems in a bit of a glitch. Stuck at home with kids that I can't handle, and no financial resources to do anything outside of the home. Finances are frustrating in that we are mostly covering our expenses but still not getting ahead. We've only been in business for ourselves for 11 months so we're doing well, all things considered (esp. that I've been pregnant for the majority of that time!!!).
I am trying to gain perspective on the whys and the where it's all headed and trying to keep my head up. Affirmations help. Prayer helps. Knowing that I don't need to be in control of every little detail helps. My faith helps. Goal setting helps. Keeping in communication with my dh helps.

I feel very, very alone most of the time. I long for family and community but know that I will never have that in my life unless I create it myself (my IL's and my own parents do not support us emotionally like I feel they could and should and would like, church people aren't the type I really connect with on most levels, neighborhood moms are suburbanite yuppies etc etc). It feels like a huge chunk of my well being is missing and I try to make up for it on my own. If I really start letting myself dwell on all that I would be a very very depressed person. If I let my past (no matter how much therapy I've had about it) come back up and start thinking about it all, I literally would not be able to handle life. That's me in a nutshell.
2008 has been very exhausting so far. I'm looking forward to better weather!


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

My annus terribilus was fall 06 to fall 07, I think. So far 2008 is kicking ass on all of that stressful time.

I could use some sunshine, though. It's a monsoon outside, and I have nothing planned for the afternoon besides a trike ride to buy vegetables.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Well, my 2008 hasn't been awful just yet. My husband is wallowing in self-pity and a job made crappier by the imminent death by cancer of a close colleague, whose job DH has been essentially given (small pay raise and large increase in responsibility of course) and yet he is still not doing anything about getting himself a job he actually wants... my formerly angelic child has now taken separation anxiety to new heights, and has reached the point where she will not let me shower and insists on standing beside the tub screaming "MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU" while I hurriedly bathe... but I'm not ready to write off the whole year just yet, it's still better than the first year of Rowan's life. And the first part of the second, actually.

Big







to everyone having a rough time.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
my formerly angelic child has now taken separation anxiety to new heights, and has reached the point where she will not let me shower and insists on standing beside the tub screaming "MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU MUMMY I WANT CUDDLES WITH YOU" while I hurriedly bathe...

Oh, I've soooo been there.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Oh my goodness Winter is becoming SUCH a handful these days.

I deleted the rest of my ranting cuz I just need to get over it.

But I'm definitely having a tough time with him right now.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Well, 2008 is okay for me thus far. I had a bit of a serious rough patch a couple of months ago and then went to MI to visit my family, and things have been a lot beter since then. I will be happy when it's spring for reals, and also happy to go to India, come back, and resume my "real" life. Although I'll probably be bummed out then because I'll wish I were back in India!! I guess for me it's such an anticipated ordeal because it is just such a different world, there is a huge culture shock going and then coming back, and between the length of the trip and the fact that it's my DH's home and we're visiting my IL's who are part of that culture, it's sort of a big adjustment and sort of requires a huge shift in consciousness, and it's just a very difficult transition to be there and then to come back. Also the last time we were there I was pretty sick for a good part of the trip. I had a rather unforgettable night in the bathroom of a train in the middle of the night somewhere between Calcutta and Delhi, watching the ground rush by through the hole beneath me for about an hour--seriously DH came looking for me because I was gone so long that he wondered what the heck had happened to me. Luckily I was apparently one of the only people on the train that cared to use the "Western" bathroom (ie a typical US toilet over an open hole in the bottom of the train, not a squatting platform over a hole in the train that is the "Indian" bathroom.) Speaking of this--DH told me the other day that he read an article in the Indian press about a woman who had given birth precipitiously in such a bathroom on a train somewhere in India, and the baby fell through the hole in the toilet onto the train tracks, but somehow miraculously the train actually passed over without harming the baby at all and the baby was rescued and returned to the mother, and now thousands are flocking to that village to see the miracle baby. Crazy, huh?!

Whoops, crying baby suddenly awake . . . .


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Kavita I remember reading about that! What a crazy welcome to the world huh?

I discovered something today amongst my woes with Winter. I really miss nursing him. I can't nurse him right now, his latch is just so bad I couldn't bear the pain, but I feel like we're really missing that connection lately. He is such a good snuggler but the only time he ever wanted to snuggle with me was for a boob. And now he won't snuggle me and I miss it.

He is amazing at memorizing song lyrics. I heard him singing to himself earlier as he put stickers in a book and I can't remember offhand what song it was but I was so surprised he could remember a song and sing it without the music perfectly. He can also count to thirteen without help. He just seems so incredibly brilliant to me. I'm sure that's part of the mommy-goggles but I am floored by how smart he is and how much he learns every day.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Yeah- I'm constantly surprised by just how much Skye knows too. Also, the things that are important to her- I don't remember either boy bothering to learn the words to songs at this age, but Skye will happily sit there singing Twinkle twinkle little ar for hours. And SHE had a good trip to the park, yesterday, walked to the bus stop, sat on the bus and walked the rest of the way home. She has a black eye because she fell off her seat and landed on the buggy, but that isn't one of the things she told daddy about. I think I've got my girl back







:
Unfortunately River hit his six week growth spurt, and it's wiping me out. He quite liked lying on the wobbly-bouncy-platform thing in the sunlight though, which is something. There's hope for him after all.
Kavita, I remember that story. I couldn't figure out what had happened with the cord







I can't wait to hear how Ella gets on with India.
Spughy





















I've been there too, as you know. Skye hit separation anxiety before she was talking, though, which made it slightly easier- she doesn't go far away now mind. Could you not just stick her in the bath with you?


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Spughy, and everyone else who has survived breastfeeding difficulties, can you go HERE please? I love this mama, she seriously kicks ass and I'm at a loss to find the words here. Please?


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

I was actually just thinking the other day that this year is off on a really good foot for us. Financially, we're doing really well (thanks to a really healthy tax rebate, and an awesome budget that we are incredibly anal about sticking to) and Jason may be up for a promotion/raise within the next couple of months. Yay! Being Mama to Brynn seems to be getting easier as well; she's sleeping through the night the majority of the time now, and goes to sleep incredibly easily for naps and at bedtime. She's finally gotten out of her mommy-centric phase, so Jason has resumed a lot of the evening activities, etc, which really helps my state of mind. I've made a few truly good friends here, and I'm making peace with the fact that my neighbors are not what I was hoping for. I'm losing weight slowly but steadily. We're sprouting our plants for the garden, and planting trees every weekend...so things are good.









barcelona you asked about weaning, but we've sort-of hit a plateau in that department. We made the big change to only nursing at morning wake-up and after her nap (for the most part), but she hasn't been at all willing to give those up. I wonder almost daily if I should try to force it a little more, but I never do.







So, we're here for now, and it's fine. Sounds like just about where you are at with Finley, too. By the way, I looked at your blog a couple of weeks ago and noticed that Brynn and Finley have the same haircut these days.









My only real issue of late is deciding whether to stick with Waldorf next year (assuming our school still exists), or to enroll Brynn in a very conveniently located Montessori school, which is new and beautiful and a charter school, so it would be free for her when she turns 5 (assuming we still live in this area), and is about 1/3 less expensive than Waldorf for the next couple of years. So that is what I'm obsessing about every waking moment. I am going to officially tour the school on Wednesday, so I hope to make a decision next week.

Monique, QoC, and Helen - just thinking about you Mamas and hoping things start looking up soon.









Gunter, Alicia, and Fern - I think about y'all so much and hope you are having peaceful and joyous babymoons!!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Oh, things are looking up for us. I was too depressed to make fun of my life a few weeks ago


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Kavita, I remember that story. I couldn't figure out what had happened with the cord










I am assuming that it snapped. I had that happen once with a mom that I was midwifing--she was a grand multip and she was 8 cm, and she wanted to stand up by the bed and at the beginning of the next contraction I saw her start involuntarily bearing down and squatting a bit and mouthing "I have to push" to her DH who was standing in front of her and holding her (she and her DH are both deaf) and I realized the baby was going to come soon but before I could communicate anything to anyone (we had an ASL interpreter there for the birth) suddenly at the peak of the contraction as I was struggling to get a glove on there was an audible "pop", followed by a big "splash" and before anybody could respond or do anything at all the entire baby just fell out all at once and landed on a pile of chux pads and towels on the floor and the cord just broke in the middle. The whole thing took maybe 10 seconds, from the beginning of the contraction to the time the baby was out. There was no crowning, no birth of the head--the baby was completely in, and one second later the baby was completely out. Baby had like 10/10 apgars, she started moving and breathing and crying pretty immediately, and I sort of just scooped her up and dried her with a towel while checking her over quickly, snapped hemostats on each end of the cord, managed to get the dad to manuver the mom onto the bed, and gave the baby to mom. It kind of freaked everybody out, myself included! But it was all okay, and the baby was fine and healthy and beautiful. (Their bedroom carpet, not so much.







People always think that it's going to make some big mess of their house to birth at home, but I've never really seen that, except for that time! I was so embarassed that I actually offered to come over there with my carpet cleaner and clean their carpets at a postpartum visit!)

Sigh. Rachel and Hopkins, where were you back then, when I needed you most?!
















Second sigh. I wish midwifery was not illegal in this stupid







piece of







backwards







state.




























:







. I seriously have had at least 20 people contact me in the last 4 months wanting a midwife, and part of me really wants to practice, but I realize that I am just not willing to go to jail or lose my house or jeopardize my family's unity and security for it. (Well, unless Amy gets pregnant and wants a homebirth.







) The really stupid part is that I am licensed to practice in two other states, and here it would be criminal.







And I have no idea who to have as a midwife when I have my next baby--it's really bugging me. One of the midwives in this area who has the most experience had failed to return my calls when I left her messages--twice. To me, that indicates an unreliable person, and I don't really want to have another midwife who is going to blow me off when I need her.

I actually have a few moments just to post and mess around becaues DH took Ella to the library and the grocery store, and just called me to say that they're on their way home. And that Ella just grabbed an Odwalla bar from the display and threw it onto the conveyor belt. I laughed because I am usually the one who takes her grocery shopping, and I realized that he doesn't know that she does quite a bit of the unloading the cart these days! She is really actually getting kind of helpful in some respects--or at least it's fun and cute that she's trying to help. She helps clear the table and load and unload the dishwasher. She gets washcloths and wets them in the tub and wipes her toy pots and pans and the walls and floors and mirrors and everything else down and announces that she's cleaning. She wipes the table with her napkin at home or in a restaurant after eating, which usually makes a bigger mess but hey, at least she's trying!







And I try to include her as much as I can with cooking--she really likes to cook and do things in the kitchen. Yesterday I made homemade pizza (with a crust recipe from Monique that turned out really good--thanks Monique!!!) and let her stir the dough ingredients, then watch me go at it with the hand mixer equipped with dough hooks, then after I cut up all the toppings I put them into little bowls and she helped me assemble the pizza by spooning on the sauce and sprinkling on all the cheese and toppings. It was pretty fun. I sometimes feel bad because I don't "play" with DD a lot and I sometimes also worry that she's going to remember her childhood with Mommy always uptight and cleaning or cooking and not having time for her. I do try to keep it realistic, I know that I'm not going to be able to maintain a "House Beautiful" sense of decor with young children, and that it's not a good goal and it's better to be a bit more relaxed. But I also feel good that we have a fairly tranquil and orderly and esthetically pleasing home environment, because I think that this is valuable. She has started to put her own toys away and her own clothes, and pick things up by herself, because she knows where things go and how to put them there. So at age 2 she has a pretty good start on learning the domestic skills necessary for survival as an independent adult (I've seriously had boyfriends who didn't have her level of skill!







) and she is learning about worm composting and baking bread and cooking and planting and caring for dogs and babies and such. And I know that when she's ready to learn more cognitive skills and more abstract things that they'll be rooted in a basic sense of human-ness and she'll hopefully have a good foundation. She also amazes me with singing--both that she knows a lot of words to songs (her favorite is Loudon Wainwright's "Daughter" and she seriously goes crazy and sings and runs around dancing whenever she hears it and requests to hear it on the "I-pot" multiple times a day) and that she has a good ear for rhythm and melody. She also is learning and picking up things so fast--on our last trip to the library I got a book of Mother Goose nursery rhymes, and a hindi DVD for kids. So now she's going around reciting the "baa baa black sheep" and "hector protector" nursery rhymes, and saying, "Chalo Hindi Bolay!" (Let's Go Hindi!) which is the name of the video. She also shocked me by knowing how to count to five in Hindi after only watching the video once or twice!! In December a visiting friend of DH taught her how to say "dog" in Hindi and she picked it up immediately but also didn't have any problem with confusing it with English. I have a feeling that by the time we get back from India she'll have picked up a lot of language--only problem is that I am going to have to try to get the IL's to pick a language and stick to it when we're around--they are in an area where Bengali is the predominant local language, but it's not their native language. They speak Telegu, but they are all fluent in Hindi and English as well, so they tend to speak directly to me in English but then speak a rapid-fire mishmosh of Telegu, Bengali, Hindi, and English amongst themselves, and then they wonder why I haven't learned an Indian language yet.







DH and I finally decided that we should probably start with Hindi for me and for her, because it's the most widely spoken language (after English) in the north of India.

Well, I'd better sign off and take a shower--we need to go look for curtain rods for the living room and dining room today!!


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kavita* 
I realize that I am just not willing to go to jail or lose my house or jeopardize my family's unity and security for it. (Well, unless Amy gets pregnant and wants a homebirth.







)

Awwww.







: Well since we don't live in your state, would it be less illegal? (I bet y'all didn't realize that even though Kavita and I live ~20 minutes away from each other, we don't live in the same state!) I know you aren't licensed to practice in this state, but at least it's not *illegal* here. I'll have to ask you offline which MW you called, because I saw one over on this side of the river and really liked her.

Brynn loves that Laudon Wainwright song too! I actually had it on my blog for a while. Is that where you heard it? Unlike a lot of the other November babes, though, Brynn is not really gifted in the musical area. Well, I should qualify that by saying that she knows the words to all of the songs on all of her favorite CDs (and now she's actually singing along with the CDs while they are on, which is sooo cute), and she has been singing songs to herself for a long time now, but she really can't carry a tune. It's not surprising though; neither can Jason or I! And Jason has NO rhythm whatsoever; when he tries to clap along with a song, it's almost like he's trying to be funny because he's so off the beat! But he's really just that bad.









I had to laugh too, Kavita, because even though you aren't looking for a preschool for Ella right now, all of her proficiencies are so prototypical of Montessori, I was thinking, "I bet she'd love it!"


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Personally, I love-love-love Montessori philosophy. That's what we'd want for our kids in an ideal world. However, we have an amazing alternative school in the county that's only 12 minutes away from us and the closest Montessori schools are 40 minutes and 60 minutes away - so that made it a lot easier to decide to "settle" for the local alternative school! But, we've found its a perfect fit for Killian. I've enrolled Ellie to go next year, 4 days a week. I think I would be more comfortable with her only 2 days a week, but since Killy will be there 4 days a week it would be very hard to explain why she doesn't get to stay on Wednesday and Thursday every week! Plus, I'm thinking that I'll look for either a part-time job or put myself on the substitute teacher list for a few of the local counties, so I'll be able to work outside of the home some.


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

Just popping in.

Thinking of all of you, esp. the new mommies







and those expecting soon









Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 







:

OT, but does anyone else think that 2008 is turning out to be a total doozy of a year?

I agree. It hasn't been bad for us personally, but the way the world is going, sometimes I just want to move somewhere, anywhere to get away from it all.

Kavita- that is just messed up, about your inability to practice, if you wanted to. I went to a talk by the author of "Pushed" today, and a lot of those issues were brought up. It also makes me beyond thankful for what my midwife did for me, and all the "illegal" midwives, for risking their families and livelihood to help women have safe births.

Also wanting to start sprouting seeds and digging up my garden, but somehow the day is always over and we haven't done it! Our crocuses and daffodils are out the kids are thrilled. I love this time of year!







:


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

: Illegal midwives? Time for the revolution, methinks...although I did read an incredibly sad book yesterday, Call the midwife by Jenny Worth







There were some amazing bits, like instinctive kangaroo care by a grand multip (25th child, born at 28 weeks) but also a detailed description of a hands-on breech birth at home, complete with cord prolapse. I'm just irked by the disrespectful way she spoke of lay midwives, because of my family history.
Amy, I knew you and Kavita were in different states







It would help if people stopped moving though, it's getting confusing.
Kavita, River didn't crown- it was literally head on one ctx and body seconds later, we didn't even have time to check for the cord position, so I can see how having the baby that fast could happen.
Mary







I miss you when you don't post, you know that? Yay for crocuses- we saw huge stretch of motorway verge covered in primroses yesterday, a mile or more of them. It was







They aren't so common up north or over in Essex, so it's the first time I've really seen primroses growing wild. They're everywhere down here, though.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

I'm interested by everyone's thoughts and explorations about school for their kids. I feel about school the same way I did about baby gear when I was pregnant- so utterly unable to imagine what we might want or need until I get to that stage. Though my flexibility feels good- I think we'll just consider options depending on where we are and what is available, and can hopefully find something that is a good fit for Neela, and create what we need at home if not. I just love the toddler enthusiasm for knowledge, and see how fun and amazing homeschooling could be for both of us.

And I have a singing kid- she knows more songs that I can imagine, and can carry a tune quite well. I'm excited to move somewhere that we can move my piano to, since Neela loves to play with when we visit my MIL's where it's temporarily stored.

My dear girl is eating her third bowl of raisin bran, and (hopefully) will be finished with breakfast soon. Have a great day, everyone


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Mel, I'm with you on the school thing - it totally depends where we are and what we're doing when school time rolls around. I think I'm going to go ahead and preregister her in the local alt kindergarten class though, it's supposed to be very good and the school is parent-participation oriented right up to grade 6. If I don't preregister and we're still here then, I'll be kicking myself I think.

Rowan is a little songbird too, although she no longer sings on request. But she knows a lot of songs and can carry a tune well.

I am enjoying a probably brief little respite - she went back to sleep after the 7 am boobie and is still conked out. I should go shower... although with DH home yesterday morning I was able to have a lovely long peaceful shower and I even managed to de-sasquatch myself. Ahhhhhh. Oh, wait, there's more coffee....


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Jen, Killy's little school looks a lot like the school that I work at. It's much harder to put in words than schools that aim to embody a philosophy--Montessori, Waldorf, Free School, etc. But it's a good fit for Woody and I right now, too. Though still, I don't know if I'm going to send him to school when he's 5. I'm torn between my school and homeschooling. I'm reading all this John Holt and Harold Gardener and Krishnamurti stuff lately, and I'm just growing less and less willing to trust my little guy's development to anyone else for long periods of time. That and I have great faith in my own ability to find and use resources!

And regarding music, Woody has WAY more talent than me! He makes up songs, plays drums on anything, plays air guitar and, if he can get his hands on one, real guitar, and dances to anything. Dh is a musician, so I can't say that I'm surprised, though. They connect over music constantly.

And this is funny, kind of a chicken/egg thing: When he was born, a friend of mine bought me a natal chart reading with a psychic she knew and liked. Well, the psychic told me that he was going to be very musical, and that I should use music to teach him new things and to help him understand hard-to-get things, basically to help him connect to the world around him. Her example was to make a to-do list into a song to sing to him in the car as we tooled around running errands. So I did, from when he was itty-bitty. And now he does it, too.














Anyway, it is very entertaining!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Winter is totally eating like a hobbit today. He must be having a growth spurt.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Hee. I eat like a hobbit sometimes too. I am very fond of second breakfasts.









I had a scream-free shower this morning without DH here! Rowan did come into the bathroom halfway through looking a little alarmed, but I burbled at her and got her giggling and then we were all ok. I think she was just having a hard time adjusting to my mom being here. Of course, my mom's leaving today... but it's nice to have a "normal" day for her!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm fixing corned beef and cabbage for dinner (and Guinness to drink!), and for breakfast I made green scrambled eggs.







In other lovely news, we finished our taxes (corporate and personal) so (1) whew! and (2) lots of money coming back to us over the next 3-4 weeks. So, I'm feeling much less stressed, plus I think the rescue remedy is helping. (Um, you can't OD on that stuff, can you? The first day I probably took 10 doses over the day, since then its tapering off to only 3-4 doses a day.) If I could just convince my kids to listen the first time I ask them to do something, life would be grand. DH has this terrible habit of repeating himself when he gets a little panicked/overwhelmed and I think its very effectively teaching the kids that they don't have to listen the first five times something is said to them. I'm trying to figure out how to correct it without always correcting him in front of the kids, any suggestions? Explaining it before/after doesn't seem to be making a difference.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
If I could just convince my kids to listen the first time I ask them to do something, life would be grand.










same here... not getting any better... doesn't help that i'm in total complete bitchy mom before birth mode either....


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
I'm trying to figure out how to correct it without always correcting him in front of the kids, any suggestions? Explaining it before/after doesn't seem to be making a difference.

I think in your case, action would be much more effective than explanations. What we do works pretty well. First, we give her a warning that something needs to be done, or will be happening (this is pretty important for her), such as, "We're going to finish this XYZ, and then it will be time to take a bath." And then, at the appropriate time, we say, "OK, time to take a bath!" Most of the time, she goes with the flow, but if she starts fussing, we give her a choice with the same ultimate result, such as, "Do you want to walk to the bathroom or be carried?" If she still fusses, I ask the question one more time, but like this, "Do you want to walk to the bathroom, or be carried, or would you like me to decide for you?" If she doesn't choose one or the other, I choose for her even if she protests. Generally things don't get to that point though.

One thing I had to work on with Jason is for him to stop *asking* her if she wanted to do something; he would always say, "Do you want to take a bath now?" and then she would likely say no, but she'd have to do it anyway, which I didn't think was fair at all. So he's gotten out of that habit, and things go more smoothly.

Another thing that works *really* well for us is using a timer. I do this throughout the day, like, "We'll play with blocks until the timer goes off, and then it's time to go potty and brush your teeth." Honestly, we've been doing that for over a month now and I can't say that she has *ever* protested when the timer has gone off. It's like it's not ME saying it's time to do something (or stop doing something), so it makes it much easier for her to handle.

Just my 2 cents!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

never mind


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amy** 
I think in your case, action would be much more effective than explanations. What we do works pretty well. First, we give her a warning that something needs to be done, or will be happening (this is pretty important for her), such as, "We're going to finish this XYZ, and then it will be time to take a bath." And then, at the appropriate time, we say, "OK, time to take a bath!" Most of the time, she goes with the flow, but if she starts fussing, we give her a choice with the same ultimate result, such as, "Do you want to walk to the bathroom or be carried?" If she still fusses, I ask the question one more time, but like this, "Do you want to walk to the bathroom, or be carried, or would you like me to decide for you?" If she doesn't choose one or the other, I choose for her even if she protests. Generally things don't get to that point though.

One thing I had to work on with Jason is for him to stop *asking* her if she wanted to do something; he would always say, "Do you want to take a bath now?" and then she would likely say no, but she'd have to do it anyway, which I didn't think was fair at all. So he's gotten out of that habit, and things go more smoothly.

Another thing that works *really* well for us is using a timer. I do this throughout the day, like, "We'll play with blocks until the timer goes off, and then it's time to go potty and brush your teeth." Honestly, we've been doing that for over a month now and I can't say that she has *ever* protested when the timer has gone off. It's like it's not ME saying it's time to do something (or stop doing something), so it makes it much easier for her to handle.

Just my 2 cents!









We do both of these things--framing the task as a choice, reminding the wee one that he or she is making a choice, then following through with the outcome--and the timer, which so far we've only used for teeth brushing and flossing. These tactics well for us, too, and I find the scriptedness kind of nice--I always have the kind, empowering words in my mind, even when I'm stressed, and the protest does indeed become less personal.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=866190

Monique's babe is on the way!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

How exciting, Monique!! I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

Amy - Yeah, I do all that stuff. I'm talking about situations like where we're outside and Ellie decides she wants to go inside and starts pounding on the screen in the door and DH gets all panicked (because she's about to tear the screen) and says, "Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that! Stop that!" instead of staying, "Stop - that will break the door!" and picking her up. He just stands there repeating himself. Very frustrating. And, she learns that she doesn't need to stop or even to listen, because Daddy just stands there repeating himself but not doing anything to correct the situation.







Then, DH is annoyed that the kids don't listen to him. But, I just can't seem to get him out of the habit! The only thing I've found that works with any regularity is to call him on it when he's doing it (because in the moment he doesn't even notice that he's doing it), but like I said - I hate to be correcting him in front of the kids, you know?


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Hmmm... which would be worse, calling his attention to it, or him continuing to use an ineffective disciplinary strategy on the kids? I honestly don't know the answer to that, I think you and your DH need to talk about it - assuming he *wants* to stop doing it (which, given that it's not effective I'm assuming is the case!) and decide between the two of you what's the lesser of two evils. I can see not wanting to show a "divided front" to the kids, but on the other hand sooner or later they're going to find out you're human and make mistakes, and as long as you don't do it disrespectfully, and your DH is on board and accepts the correction gracefully and does the right thing afterwards, I think it might even be a valuable lesson for the kids... you know, even adults mess up and they don't pitch a fit when someone points it out?

DH took Rowan swimming tonight and got her out of the house with only a minor insistence on cuddles with me and no tears. I took the dog for a walk, tidied, and am now giving myself permission to vegetate. But I have this nagging feeling that I bought myself a book the last time Rowan and I went to the bookstore, and not only can I not find it, but I can't even remember what it was. Sigh.

And GO MONIQUE GO!!! WOOOO!!!! BABY BABY BABY!!!! I'll be thinking of you tonight. I bet that baby just pops right out!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Queen of Cups, if it's something important then give a minute to saying it like it's important- use your whole body language, stop everything else and talk to your children. THEN don't do anything else until you get the response you're looking for. I really struggle with being treated like Mr Invisible, but that one gets results for me. It's hard, though- a minute is a LONG time....
Now, off to stalk Monique! Safe and happy birthing, honey


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Yay Monique!!!! Happy labor day!!!









Jen, I see what you're saying. Maybe you could have a code word with DH, like as soon as you notice this behavior with him, just yell out, "Applesauce!"







Then you aren't correcting him in front of the kids, but he is immediately reminded of what he's doing.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I was re-reading Gabriel's birth story this morning. May this one go smoothly (and she update swiftly, I'm bursting with anticipation here)


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

so happy for Monique! I hope things are going great for you right now, mama, and hope that baby is in your arms, or will be soon.

Ok, I'm feeling so low today. I'm glad you've brought up this discipline stuff b/c I am at a loss. We were finding our way fairly well with one child, but 2 completely has me defeated. I feel like I'm totally screwing them up by handling everything so badly. I may post in the GD forum also but I'm afraid of being flamed







:

1. Getting dressed. Huge battle with both kids every day. Ethan, because I repeat the request to put on pants, socks, etc 50 times within an hour and he still drifts off and does something else, and by 10am nothing has been done and I explode with frustration and we both end up crying. He is 5 yrs old and does need some help, which I am happy to provide, but I refuse to dress him like a baby and do ask that he try, and do the parts he can manage.

Ezra- loves clothes, so I give him a couple choices each time. He will say no to everything, or say yes, and as soon as I put it on he screams no and pulls it off. This went on this morning for 6 different outfits, until the point I know he's never going to be satisfied with anything we put on, and we have somewhere to be at a certain time, or simply to go outside and play and he can't wear just a diaper, so eventually I have to force the clothes on him with much screaming.

I KNOW this isn't ideal, HATE doing it, but I don't know how else to dress this child. Sure, sometimes we can wait until he's ready, but sometimes we are on a time limit and we need to get dressed and can't fool around all morning. Any advice??????

2. Ending an activity. I know Amy talked about the timer, and I may institute that in the house. How about outside. Last night we all came home from work/daycare, and played outside for about an hour. It was 7pm, getting dark, and we hadn't had dinner and me and Ethan were cold. I gave the 5 min, 1 min. warnings that we were going inside. The time comes and I gently and playfully try to get Ezra to stop what he's doing (digging in the dirt with a mud caked shovel) and he just won't do it.

We really do need to go in at this point, I have one child crying with cold and hunger and I can't leave a 2 yr old outside on his own in the dark. He absolutely won't do it despite all my super-gentle AP approaches and explanations, and eventually I had to pry the shovel out of his hands and carry him in screaming. Again, I HATE doing that, I know I can't expect him not to grab if I grab things from him. I know he just wants a little control and didn't want to stop having fun. But we also have an entire family to take care of and meet everyone's needs, and it can't all stop for what one person wants to do.

Please help!!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...8#post10796468

I was only able to take a short, maybe twenty minute nap today. I'm exhausted but just can't relax. I'll write my birth story soon. Baby was in distress for a while so I really did freak out a bit about transferring.
My throat is sore from the gutteral sounds I was making


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Yay Monique! Congratulations! I hope you didn't miss your birth pool too much.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Congrats monique!


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

Happy Birth Day!! Congrats, Monique!
Hope you are able to get some rest soon.
Looking forward to hearing your whole birth story!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Mary, can I suggest that you go read "The Mind of Boys" by Michael Gurian? I've just got it, and it's making sense. Basically, sometimes boys just need help in staying on track and it's easier to give in to that and shift your expectations than it is spend the next decade in a battleground. Ezra sounds pretty normal too, I think he's just pushing as hard as possible to know where his boundaries are.

Monique, I've said this at least twice already, but congratulations


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Congrats, Monique!

Juggling two kids is hard, its difficult to help them learn that sometimes they don't get to make all the decisions for everybody. I just keep telling myself that these early years of learning to compromise will make the rest of their lives easier because they'll know how to get along with others! It really does get easier as they get older.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Sometimes Skye does get to make the decisions for everybody







There's balance in there too...


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

aww..congrats monique!! welcome earthside little boy!

well, life is very busy. no time for internet at all really. library trips are so rare and even then its no time to sit







3 kids. wow. its intense. i love it though and i feel like i'm doing really well most of the time.

ngaio just got over a really rough few weeks. she has a high fever that wouldn't go away (5 days at like 103-105 unless using meds to lower her temp) so i finally took her to the dr (hospital actually because the clinic was closed)
sent us home after a few hours and a urine test..but the fever wouldn't break and she hadn't eaten or drank much in all of those days and she is such a fighter .. its very hard to get her to drink when she doesn't want to. i was worried and my momma instincts were telling me something wasn't ok..so off to the hospital we went again and this time after a blood test and x-ray they found pneumonia in her right lung. so she is on the mend, but it wasn't fun to see her be so sick and not be able to do anything for her...

im at MIL's today..so hi!! everyone.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Oh Fern







Gentle healing vibes to her







We miss you, you know?

As if my life weren't enough of a soap opera, I just lost my daughter. Couldn't find her ANYWHERE- we were running round the house screaming our heads off. I had the phone in my hand ready to call the police, when Steve found her asleep UNDER Alex's pillow. His bunk bed is so high that his mattress is above my line of vision.

What next?


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

Fern, hope Ngaio heals quickly! How scary... and clever mama, to trust those instincts.

Helen, Another how scary! Glad that ended well. I have to ask, reading your yummy blog, what is curd cheese? Is that like curds and whey, or is it like cottage cheese?

Mary,







I have to say, I think the outdoor thing is just age and type of child; we finally got a bit warmed up (like, 40) enough to play outside, and Ella is just like Jocelyn was at this age - no matter what I did, no matter how long we were out, no matter that her face was pink, her nose streaming, her cheeks like ice, I would just have to pick her up and carry her, kicking and screaming, into the house. I always thought the neighbors must think the worst, but luckily the wise mama next door (her youngest is in 8th grade) reassured me that she had BTDT, too. Ella screamed all the way in "I hate going in!!!" I just wish I could remember how old J. was before she would come in without the tantrum...

ETA: going back a ways, Amy - I vote Montessori all the way. My mom taught Montessori for several years; I love it, and from what I have learned about Waldorf, I have my reservations there. I think Brynn would just blossom and excel with a Montessori education.


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

Hi mamas...

Leah is beautiful and doing so well.

Jacob is growing and learning new things every day!

I am not doing so well...at all. We have been bombarded with many horrible life situations for the last month...one right after another...the kind of setbacks that just one would send a person reeling...and we just got news of the 10th or so tonight in a month.

I'm really not sure I can take much more...and Lord knows my two year old can't.

My March paycheck is on hold because of clerical crap...I'm waiting for paperwork that I was told a month ago I'd have in 2 weeks to get that cleared up.

DH isn't working right now because he's doing his student teaching (working full time no pay)

Because of a personality conflict he is now required to re-submit a 7 week assignment of working full time no pay.

I just received word that they are not paying me in April because my maternity leave was processed as completely unpaid leave.

The in-laws were here for a week to *help* out with the new babe and expected me to meet them out everyday and only came to the house once...leaving me exhausted and Jacob a complete mess.

It is now looking like I have to go back to work from April 21st to June 13th and leave both my babies in daycare...something I really wasn't prepared for and I can't stop crying because of it.

we aren't getting all our mail because the mail addressed to my previous name isn't coming through...so we have bills piling up we aren't sure where they are or how to get them. *my fault for not getting my name changed on everything right away...*

and that is just the tip of the ice berg.

i'm a mess.

Following along but just can't stay on top of the conversation..


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

OMG, kaspirant. We're here for you if you want to talk about it.

Sharon, yes, curd cheese is like curds and whey. And it's GOOD...


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Oh, Alicia.







I'm so sorry you are having such financial woes right now, when you should be able to focus on your family. I'm glad to hear Leah is doing well though. I hope the situation improves soon for you all.

Fern, HOW SCARY! I'm so glad you listened to your mama instinct and took Ngaio to the hospital to be checked out. I hope she is healing quickly and feeling better. A hug for you too!









Helen, that is scary about Skye too! I haven't lost Brynn yet but sometimes I do dream about it, and it's the most terrible feeling I've ever had.







I'm glad it ended happily!

Monique, I hope you are having a blissful babymoon!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingerstar*
Amy - I vote Montessori all the way. My mom taught Montessori for several years; I love it, and from what I have learned about Waldorf, I have my reservations there. I think Brynn would just blossom and excel with a Montessori education.

Aw, thanks! We did go to the school tour yesterday and we were both *very* impressed with the school, the director, their philosophy/approach to Montessori (very progressive), and all of the people we met. I feel really good about it, but it's also really hard for me to leave Waldorf even though I know that it is not really what's best for Brynn right now. It's like breaking up with someone. I just got our acceptance letter for Brynn to start nursery there in the fall, and I'm trying to figure out how to let them know we won't be coming back. It's going to be awkward, to say the least. Other than that aspect of it, though, I feel really good about the move to Montessori, both for Brynn's sake and for how convenient and affordable it's going to be for us!!

Happy first day of Spring, by the way! It's been raining for days here, but it's supposed to be sunny today and tomorrow. I really wanted to take pictures of Brynn in a little spring dress and hat (we don't really do Easter, so more like an Equinox dress







) but there aren't even any flowers blooming yet.







: Plus, I don't even think it's going to be warm enough to go outside to take pictures. Seriously, I am so over winter!!!!!!!! Good riddance.

So anyway, I hope you all are getting sun and warmth today!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Bwahahaahah. It seriously looked like snow here- and it is so cold that we did the school run this afternoon with Skye wearing two jumpers under her coat and the buttons wouldn't fasten neatly. No Spring for us, just global warming







:


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

No sun and warmth here... I am burning the last of the firewood and wondering what dinner I can make in the oven. Rowan and I got hailed on when we went to the farm market this morning... it delayed our communion with the goats and pushed Rowan into overtired-land and we had an unpleasant drive home.

Yesterday we went to Vancouver with another mama and her little boy, to visit a mutual friend who moved over there a few weeks ago. It was a fun trip, except for the wait at the ferry coming back - we got there at 4:30 and didn't get on a ferry until 7. But the kiddiwinks slept for most of that time, so it wasn't too bad - we were naughty and drove onto the ferry, both of us with sleeping babies on our laps.







:. I almost had a nursing baby, but I managed to get my boobie back before we actually drove on. My friend and I had a good giggle though, wondering if the breastfeeding-advocate crowd would stand up for us if we got pulled over and arrested for driving and breastfeeding at the same time. Toddlers no less.







We figured no, they'd bail on us and say that wasn't what breastfeeding was for. Ha! Breastfeeding is TOTALLY for 2-sailing waits. And waking overtired kids to stuff them into carseats for a 400-metre drive at 5 km/h onto a ferry? Not happening.

Anyway, it was a lovely trip, marred unfortunately at the very end by an unpleasant interaction with another parent... Rowan and her little buddy wanted to play on the slide, on the ferry, but it was crazy insanely busy so they very sensibly elected to just stand and watch, until the kids started leaving to go back to their cars at the end. There were several older kids - much older than the 5 years recommended for the play area - jumping around on the slide, using the smaller kids as obstacles, vaulting over them to get ahead on the slide line-up, etc. One kid got a bit squished at the bottom of the slide and cried, but otherwise there were no injuries, just very rambunctious kids, being disrespectful of the younger ones but not quite overtly aggressive. Then when the rest of the kids had gone, Rowan and Travis went in for a couple of slides, which was fine, then one of the rowdy kids came back and was going down the slide too - which was ok, she was zipping around past Rowan and Travis but they were going at their own rate ok - until the older girl zipped up the stairs and found Rowan hesitating at the top of the slide. And she gave her a "helpful" little push. Rowan jumped up at the end of the slide and said indignantly "Somebody pushed me!!!" I looked at the little girl and frowned, and said "That's not cool" but didn't intervene otherwise. But then she ran back to her parents, and her dad came up and said "What's going on?" and I replied, "Oh, I think your little girl pushed my little girl down the slide" - not angrily, I was just telling him what happened, he could do what he liked with the info. Rowan wasn't hurt, just indignant, so I wasn't wanting to make a big deal of it. But he freaked out! He started telling me I needed to toughen my kid up (the kid who was happily going back on the slide and not distressed at all) and I was like, "excuse me? She's TWO. How is she going to stand up to a BIG five year old??? Your kids have been jumping over the little kids all evening, they're showing no respect at all, I just told your girl I didn't think that was cool." He got all pissy and rather than responding, just kept saying "that's your first kid, isn't it? you'll learn. I bet that's your first kid." I got fed up and said "I hope the pushy one is your LAST." (Which, as my friend pointed out, was a pretty awesome comeback.) The guy just said "bye bye" in a stupid childish voice and left. Then Rowan was all upset because Steph and I were all upset, and it was hell getting her off the slide, and hell getting her into the car, and Steph and I had to sing "99 bottles of beer" to keep the kids calm in the car on the drive home. Sigh. We got down to 55.


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
"I hope the pushy one is your LAST." (Which, as my friend pointed out, was a pretty awesome comeback.)









Nicely done, mama! I'll ask for a pre-pardon from the universe for my saying it, but isn't it lovely to be more clever AND a nicer person than the dweeb who's giving you a hard time?

Congrats, Monique!!!!









Alicia, what a rotten time it sounds like you're having! I hope something wonderful happens soon, something that helps you get over this hump. Maybe your students will have missed you so much that they'll be kind and sympathetic when you return (at least for a week or so?







).

Fern, poor Ngaio! Healing vibes to your little girl...


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

It's official. We're totally UCing for this baby. Woohoo!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I just have to post this quickly. Rowan is CRACKING ME UP tonight. First it was climbing up on my lap with the syringe from her play doctor set, poking me in the face with it and telling me she was going to fix me just like a car. Then a few minutes ago she comes up to me with two stuffed toys and says, very seriously, "Can you help me put these animals in the stroller?" I looked over at her toy stroller, and it is crammed full with every other stuffed toy she owns. There are probably 10 animals in there, all sticking out through the little cracks, contorted and upside down and just smushed. So of course I helped her stick the last two in, and she happily trotted off with the stroller packed full of uncomfortable-looking animals, talking to them all the while. I don't know why I found this so hilarious, it just was. Now she's in her bouncy chair with all the animals.


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Sarah, that's so cute! Ellie has a Heavy Baby (waldorf style doll) that I made her that she loves. She calls it Baby most of the time and sleeps with it and carries it around with her, and will claim that Baby needs certain things or doesn't like certain things. I was making myself a salad for lunch today and asked Ellie if she wanted some (am I the only one with a two year old that LOVES salad? she eats it nearly every day!) and she said, "No. Baby wants salad!" Later we were watching Alice in Wonderland, and Ellie didn't like it (I guess it is a bit weird, almost to the point of being scary) and she said, "Baby doesn't like this!" and asked to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang again. How many times can I watch that movie? Its Ellie's absolute favorite, and honestly I don't mind it too much, but I swear we've watched it hundreds of times over the last few months. It is so cute to hear her singing along, though...

So, mentioning Waldorf brought to mind you, Amy. I can imagine how difficult/awkward it is to be changing schools, since Killian goes to a small school that's a co-op so I'm involved in a lot of stuff there. It would be weird to leave! I'm kind of curious, though - how much did/do you and Jason buy into the whole anthroposophy deal? That is a big part of why I'm uncomfortable with Waldorf (not so much anthroposophy itself, but the fact that a lot of schools act like its not an issue when its a major underlying theme to everything in the curriculum!), along with the fact that some schools actively discourage reading until age seven (after the adult teeth have come in, when kids are moving into the next stage of development according to the Waldorf philosophy - I'm not mistaken on that, am I?). How was it handled that Brynn is starting to read, was it an issue? What I love about Montessori (and Killian's school follows the same philosophy) is that kids are encouraged to progress at their own pace and follow their interests.

Sorry I'm so rambly tonight! I've had a rum and coke and am feeling chatty.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
So, mentioning Waldorf brought to mind you, Amy. ... It would be weird to leave! I'm kind of curious, though - how much did/do you and Jason buy into the whole anthroposophy deal? That is a big part of why I'm uncomfortable with Waldorf (not so much anthroposophy itself, but the fact that a lot of schools act like its not an issue when its a major underlying theme to everything in the curriculum!), along with the fact that some schools actively discourage reading until age seven (after the adult teeth have come in, when kids are moving into the next stage of development according to the Waldorf philosophy - I'm not mistaken on that, am I?). How was it handled that Brynn is starting to read, was it an issue? What I love about Montessori (and Killian's school follows the same philosophy) is that kids are encouraged to progress at their own pace and follow their interests.

Yeah, for us, the reading thing was kind of a deal-breaker. I don't want to hijack the thread, but I just finished writing my "break-up" letter to Waldorf this morning so all of this is really at the forefront of my mind.

We actually talked to the pre-K/Kindergarten lead teacher and the director of admissions about Brynn's reading last week because our school definitely adheres to the delayed reading principle. I wasn't asking for advice so much as trying to figure out where they stand specifically in the case of *my* child, and their advice - in a nutshell - was to distract her from reading for the next few years. They suggested she draw pictures and make her own story book, tell stories orally, or ... I can't remember the other thing. Anyway, everything *but* reading, basically. I was just like, "Um, no. I don't think so." Added to that was the fact that Jason and I are highly uncomfortable with the heavy use of fairy tales and the resultant "archetypes" of good vs. bad/pretty vs. ugly/victim vs. victor, which they want the children to internalize. My argument is that I don't really want Brynn to think that *any* part of her is bad or ugly! (Feel free to tell me if you disagree with that.)

As for the whole anthroposophy thing - I really don't buy into it. It seems like a lot of superstition and old wives tales to me. Our school even goes so far as to "encourage" right-handedness, which I think is wrong, wrong, wrong! They also make all women teachers wear skirts because it "softens the human form" - which, if that is the case, why aren't the men wearing skirts too!? They also have this approach to music that I think is bizarre, which is that they believe that young children (up to kindergarten, maybe?) should only be exposed to music in the scale of the fifth - which apart from being hard to adhere to because I don't even know what the hell that means, is just silly when you consider the types of music and sounds that young ones are naturally drawn to: rhythm and percussion! Anyway, there is virtually no scientific basis to all of it, which is pretty hard for me to swallow.

Kavita and I have talked about all of this a lot, and one aspect that I had to eventually agree with her on is that Waldorf is on the verge of being cultish. I sometimes feel like we're being brainwashed, and that divergent opinions are not tolerated! Being a scientist, I really want to know the basis for the pedagogy, but there usually isn't anything factual to back it all up. You either believe or you don't.

But you know, there were a lot of things we really loved about it, such as the reverance of nature, the hand-crafts, the simplicity....so for this past year it really was wonderful for us and there is a part of me that is sad to leave. But man - just seeing who Brynn is becoming makes it so clear that she needs more than they provide, and I don't believe in adhering to some random chronological scale of readiness; I think each child should be considered on an individual basis, which is defitely the Montessori approach.

So yes, it's really weird to leave (considering I used to be out proselytizing about Waldorf) and the next couple of months are going to be awkward given that I'm in a leadership position on the Parent Association...so I'm just trying to stay in a happy place and enjoy our remaining time there. But I am really excited for Brynn for next year!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Amy I think we had an e-mail convo about the whole Waldorf thing a while ago?







It's interesting this is the education path Brynn is following - I kind of had a suspicion that you were a little too independent-minded to get fully into Waldorf. Like you, I am a big fan of the nature, simplicity, *loveliness* of it, but I couldn't stomach the absolutist teachings, I want Rowan to be comfortable with her dark side, and to be able to feel dark emotions and appreciate them for their power as much as I want her to feel happiness and light. And, although Rowan isn't as dark as might be expected from her heritage (her hair is actually getting lighter) her father is very dark, and I would never want her associating dark with BAD.

I actually was just talking about this with my friend the other day when we were travelling over to Vancouver - she checked out the Waldorf preschool here and came away impressed by the facility but weirded out completely by the teacher. I just haven't been getting a good Waldorf vibe from around here... but everyone raves about the Montessori preschool, I've got a couple friends with kids in it, and they all love it. But one of my close friends from high school went to a Waldorf school until he was 12 and thrived, he transitioned easily into public school for jr high, and he is now a successful, stable adult, so go figure


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

So, yet again, I've been quite MIA, or unable to keep up. Reading along, as always, though...

Big HUGS, again, to you Alicia. I hope that things look up very soon.

And Fern, How scary about Ngaio!

And Monique, I adored reading your birth story. Welcome baby!!!

And Q of C, are you feeling better these days? That is so cute about Ellie and her baby, and so great that she loves salad! Finley does not like it, I'm sad to say, but he sees us eat it frequently, so hopefully one of these days, he'll get into it.

As for school, Amy, I'm so glad you are figuring things out for your brilliant Brynn. I have gotten an off vibe about Waldorf on here, too. There was even an I've-been-hurt-by-Waldorf thread in the Personal Growth board! I read some of it, as I was quite curious, and it made it obvious it was not for me. We are most likely unschooling here. I suppose if Finley seems to really want to go to some sort of program, we'd look into it, and I think Montessori-esque is all we'd consider. But I am really excited about unschooling/homeschooling, and I think it's gonna work out beautifully for our family. Now, hopefully they won't make homeschooling illegal and acting on it in CA, as they are threatening...

And I guess part of the reason that I haven't been good at writing is that I've been a bit depressed, for no real good reason, other than dealing with the ups and downs of being in the entertainment world...and both my and my husband's careers are just so up in the air and in waiting right now. It can get hard psychologically at times. And we've both been at it for so long. I'm just ready to be working, doing well, doing what we've worked so long to do and dreamed all our lives. And financially, it's stressful, though we are figuring things out each month, with our editing and photographing here and there. Anyway, it's not that bad, I've just been in a slump for a bit. But I am coming out of it, happily, and Finley and I had a glorious day, planting some sunflower seeds, talking about any old thing, cooking together in the kitchen, using herbs from our garden (he is the cutest helper in the kitchen), blowing bubbles, making letters with sticks outside. All is well.

Thinking of all of you always, and loving reading along, and trying to be better at posting!

And Helen, thanks for always keeping us smiling and laughing and filled up with your wisdom.

And spughy, thanks for your tales of food, as they have really rubbed off on me, and I am still going TF all the way, and Loving it!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

My ads at the bottom of the page as I'm reading right now are 3 about Waldorf related things, and one about finding sex offenders. ??????

There are aspects I really love about Waldorf (as spughy mentioned) but frankly there are things that make me nervous too. We plan to basically homeschool with mostly an unschooling approach. I've learned a lot from Waldorf philosophy that makes sense to me and I do agree that pushing reading too early can be counterproductive, but again, I believe that each child moves at his or her own pace also and forbidding something is not the same thing as not forcing it. I do read to Ella and talk to her about letters/numbers and we count things and such to the extent that she's interested in that. She actually seems to be more mathematical than I would have expected--sometimes she reminds me of The Count from Sesame street because she likes to count all kinds of things. Like if we're reading the dr. seuss alphabet book, she wants to *count* the nine new neckties and the ten tired turtles on the tuttle tuttle tree. She's not quite so interested in the "N" for neckties and the "T" for turtle yet.

I do like the fact that there are a few appealing spiritual underpinnings of Waldorf (although again, some just seem weird.) I think the concept of nurturing the child's spirit gently is just totally missing from most education, and I value that about Waldorf. But not enough to pay huge amounts of money to send my kid to that sort of institution. One thing that was a real turnoff for me when we went to a festival last year where there was a Waldorf school booth, is that I was talking to the enrollment director of the school here when Amy came by (who'd already met and talked to her at that point before we'd gotten there) and mentioned to her that I was the friend she'd mentioned earlier who had studied midwifery with "X", one of the people who is also a bigwig in Waldorf world. (I had mentioned this to Amy previously one day over lunch because it was before she knew much about Waldorf and she'd asked me if I knew anything about it and since studying with this person was how I personally came to know of Waldorf that's why I was telling her that what I knew was from my teacher's work and her book on the subject.) When this was mentioned to the enrollement director her whole attitude toward me changed--I mean, it was like I had been touched by celebrity/genius, etc. and was suddenly a bit more important. And then she introduced me that way to someone else connected with the school who came up to talk, and she mentioned my teacher as sort of almost "right up there under Rudolf Steiner in the Waldorf hierarchy. Well, if we had a hierarchy, which we don't."







Also she made a big point about the parent/child program there (which Amy and Brynn have been doing) as being "a way to learn to be with your child from the experienced Waldorf early childhood teacher who is a parent herself and has a wonderful way with children and is also very experienced in Waldorf for early childhood." That really just sort of pushed my rebellious button--I would happily go to a parent child group to play, to meet other parents and children, and I always expect to learn things and get new ideas from any such situation. I certainly don't think I'm a perfect parent, I do try to work on myself and learn new "techniques" and attitudes for dealing with issues like discipline, etc. However, the vibe I got was that the program was really for teaching me about how to be with my kid (per Waldorf indications) because otherwise I would be sort of lacking as a parent, and that really sort of raised my parental hackles and made me feel like, "hey, I KNOW how to be with my kid. I'm her MOTHER and I've devoted pretty much my entire life for the last couple years to her physical, spiritual, mental and emotional wellbeing, even when it has required great sacrifice from me to do so. So don't tell me that you're going to teach me how to be with my child."

That and the thing starts at 9 am and we are historically not morning people especially because we moved from a totally earlier time zone and it took us a while to adjust, pretty much sealed the deal that we were not going to do that program!









I'd better get going now, I have a few things to do today and need to get on the stick cause we're going to be late othewise!!!! Sorry for my recent lack of personals--I'm thinking of everybody warmly and will post more soon!!


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

We're having a pretty sweet day. We went to the post office, the nursery to buy three blueberry bushes (














, came home to make some bread (with a sourdough starter--who on this thread do I thank for giving me that idea?), and then nursed to sleep on the couch. So I just finished dishes, swept, and folded some laundry while looking at my beautiful boy in slumber.

I think he has pink eye, though. Lots of yellow gunk. But he's snotty, too, so I don't know what that's all about. This winter I have been exposed to and become acquainted with more symptoms of illness than I think ever before in my life. It's both fascinating and annoying, but no longer repulsive--I consider this a benchmark in my progress toward supermommyhood.

And I've been thinking a lot about kind of identifying myself as a mother lately; the owner of my local LYS, who is between an acquaintance and a friend of mine--lost her baby last week at something like 34 weeks. My heart breaks for her--the baby would have been her first. When I first heard the news, my first thought was how quickly any of us can go from who we are to who we were--a pregnant woman to a woman who lost a baby, a mother to a woman whose child died. I can see it, and sometimes I can feel it, this life is death is life is death thing, but good god--it makes me feel so vulnerable...


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

nak
Thanks everyone for your well wishes. We are doing well so far. I feel sorer bodywise than with my other births. my right leg doesn't move very well by itself. something to do with how far apart my abdominals split and the resulting pressure on ligaments and tendons that weren't meant to carry that weight - they are all so stretched out now etc.

the postpartum hormonal high/numbness sort of came crashing down yesterday. i feel so lonely and need some serious nurturing. dh has been wonderful. he's seriously running himself to the ground working, taking the kids with him, cooking, cleaning, constantly running everywhere to take care of everything. but despite it all, i get left alone in the room with baby a lot and so feel very friendless and.. alone. i even have been calling my mom, just to have someone to talk to/ encourage me. she really does know me well (on certain fronts) and has been really nice etc. i just know that when we finally name our baby and it's not after my dad or her father she's gonna have a conniption and get all mean again.

my milk came in strong yesterday and i was all weepy trying to handle nursing as much as possible and pumping and burping and wiping spitup all while my body cries out with every movement and there's no one "extra" around to help out. so after my meltdown at about 11pm when i just felll asleep and he woke up hungry, poopie etc and i had to call dh for help...
well let's just say dh greeted me this morning with a huge steaming mug of st. john's wort tea







I drank it but still need to look it up and make sure it's okay with bfing.

sorry for rambling. just wanted to pop in and say hi. i should have pics posted soon


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

It's wonderful to see you here again Monique! I'm sorry you're feeling lonely though...







. I wish I were there and could drop by and just visit with you and see your lovely new babe.

Teresa, I totally know what you mean with the fragility of it all. I have morbid thoughts all the time, but they kind of reinforce how precious everything is and how we shouldn't take it for granted... and I try to store that feeling and bring it out when I'm not allowed to go poo by myself







Which happened again this morning, but Rowan did go off with her papa quite happily so I've had the day to attend to chores peacefully. She is hunting easter eggs now (real ones, I think, not the chocolate variety).

Any sewing mamas, can you go look at my thread in the sewing forum? Pleeeeease???

Back to the laundry now... oh, funny story. Last weekend when my mom was here, my friend Sue met us at a quilting store and we hung out there for a bit and then went for lunch. Today, exactly one week later, I was at a completely different markety thing, to buy groceries, when I ran into Sue and HER mom in the parking lot. They were headed to the quilting store THERE. So I hung out with them for a bit, and we tried to have lunch but the cafe was too busy. But the really weird thing is, Sue's mom is like my mom's long-lost twin sister. Seriously, they could easily be related, looks-wise - and they are both avid quilters. Sue and I are a bit weirded out by this, especially since you'd be hard pressed to find two people who look LESS like each other than me & Sue. I am short and dark, she is tall and fair, and we have entirely dissimilar features - yet our moms look almost identical. Same hair, same face shape, same nose, sort of the same build, same height, same colouring, same eye colour, even the same glasses! Genetics are weeeird.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

thanks, I knew I could get support here









*Pictures are FINALLY up* on my blog along with an edited version of my birth story. Seriously cute pics if I should say so myself!


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Beautiful photos, Monique! And congrats on this thread, too- I was looking you up from San Francisco









Love and hugs to everyone. More later when we're settled in more from our trip. Neela was a fabulous road tripper as usual, but I feel like I need a detox from on the road food and sitting in a car so much for several days. Not to mention last night's hotel built on some kind of toxic waste.
Tomorrow I run again!


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

happy easter and happy spring!

(we are really focusing on the celebration of spring and new life, all week, starting with the start of spring on thursday).

today we are going to eat a meal with friends of friends (and the friends), and there'll probably be a little egg hunt. a pretty simple but hopefully lovely day!

monique, your baby is BEAUTIFUL!!!! i just adore seeing those pictures. and your whole family is precious. willem and gabriel look so excited to have a new little baby brother. wish i could come over with a cup o tea and keep you company during those lonesome times. hang in there!!!








to all!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

: thanks


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Wow! We had such a busy Easter weekend! But it was all just lovely. I also got some great pictures of the kids this morning - they're on my blog.

Overall, things are going so much better and I'm feeling better every day! I think that just the stress and worry over setting everything up with our new accountant for taxes this year plus a client being WAY behind on paying us just made mid-February to mid-March really miserable. Plus, throw in a dose of what must be SAD and things just really spiraled. But, I'm back to being able to sleep and eat and enjoy life again - whew! (Not that everything is perfect all of a sudden, but I'm able to handle the ups and downs and concerns without freaking out!)

Happy Easter, everyone!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

how precious QoC!!!
you hair seems to be getting longer too!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *willemsmamma* 
how precious QoC!!!
you hair seems to be getting longer too!

Thanks! I decided to grow my hair back out long. I don't regret cutting it (it was good for me to try a different look), but I'm sooooo freaking sick of people telling me I'm "cute!" And that's all I've heard since I cut my hair.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Jen, I think you have a very glamorous, quite classic kind of beauty- I'd never call you cute though. You're far too strong a person for that









Monique







I'm here if you want to talk, you know? Don't let the numbness back in. He is a beautiful, beautiful baby- he just looks immediately familiar to me and as if he's always been here.

You'll laugh to hear that we had snow here on Easter Sunday, though not enough to linger. We spent the weekend with my mother, just quietly chilling out. Yet more hassle over River's name, but apart from that it was good.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Queen of Cups* 
I decided to grow my hair back out long. I don't regret cutting it (it was good for me to try a different look), but I'm sooooo freaking sick of people telling me I'm "cute!"

I'm growing my hair back out, too, but I *do* regret getting it cut that short. I don't know what I'm going to grow it out to; a short wedge, maybe. I wish I'd done that in the first place rather than having had it all cut off.







But I can say that I've pretty much never been satisfied with my hair, so this is nothing new.

Anyhoo, Monique, I loved the pictures on your blog! You all look beautiful and I agree with Helen that you have to fight against the pull of PPD or getting into a funk. I hope you are getting the nurturing you need.

Mel, where did y'all go? Did I miss that?

Spughy, that is crazy about your mom and your friend's mom!

barcelona, our intent was to focus on spring too, but we ended up not doing anything. I am a slacker. Well actually, I'm just feeling like there is so much to do right now and I don't have the energy for extra stuff. So at least Brynn didn't notice, but next year I really want to do something to welcome spring.







Are you starting to feel a little better these past few days, barcelona? I think the winter blahs are getting to all of us. I'm so ready for some warmth.

Oh, in other news, my maternal grandmother is not well and is not expected to live through the week - and my mom isn't going up to spend her last days with her. I am just appalled, once again, at what a selfish freak my mother is and it's bringing up all of my old anger. She told my brother that she can only make one trip up to Oregon (from California) so she has chosen to go to the funeral rather than say goodbye to her mother. And just to clarify, my Grandma isn't in a coma, or experiencing dementia, or anything that would prevent her from actually recognizing and/or interacting with my mom. I just don't fricking get it.


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Amy, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Amy, I'm so sorry.


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Don't let the numbness back in.

Yikes... now I"m scared. It's already here. I feel like there is so much I've forgotten in the way of mothering a newborn. I feel helpless when he's fussy (I think the herbs dh rubbed on my back yesterday made him sicky feeling). I forget what to do. Weird.
I want to get out but I am in no shape to yet. The inside of my pelvis still feels bruised and I start bleeding again when I get up and walk and do stuff around the house. My recti muscles separated all the way up to my sternum this time and it's seriously having an effect on recovery.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
he just looks immediately familiar to me and as if he's always been here.

I KNOW!!!!!!!!! Plus he looks exactly like Willem half the time and exactly like Gabriel the other half of the time.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
You'll laugh to hear that we had snow here on Easter Sunday,

So did we. And Monday, and last Thursday... Egch. I thought it was SPRINGtime!

So I posted this on my other ddc but blazing along on the naming trail, dh and I finally narrowed it down to two names, maybe three. Bryce is settled as the middle name. And the top three names in no particular order (one is my absolute







favorite) are:

Nolan

Caedmon

Holden

We're sleeping on it and will decide on it in the morning (if anyone wants to comment before then







)

Amy... sorry about your grandmother.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

We'll get you through this







It's funny, but I felt more comfortable being honest hereabout just how tough it was than my other DDC- familiarity, I guess? Anyhow, I'll keep thinking of you. You've had such a tough few months anyhow that adding in birth is the least of it...


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Amy, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. And your mom.







Is it possible she's scared of death, or has some unresolved issues with your grandmother that she *wants* to leave unresolved? I may be being too charitable, but I know when my dad died - and he was on morphine for the last bit - it was really hard to be around him, and we had NO issues, he was the best dad in the world. If I'd known what it would be like I might have even tried to not be there... it sounds awful, I know, but I really wish my last memories of him were not of him as sick as he was.

And on a completely different topic - is anyone else in "why" hell yet? Actually here it's "how come?" and "where?". As in, "Where's that little dog's mummy? How come that little dog doesn't have a mummy? Where's the other little barky dog? Where is Chinese New Year Dinner? Where are the seals?" Also, Rowan requires us to keep a road map of Victoria in our head at all times, and be able to recite the complete route to anywhere, wherever we go. Even if we've been there 150000000 times, like Grandma's house. Although, I have to say that people-watching with Rowan is a heck of a lot of fun. Yesterday we went to a really cool place for lunch, on the dock, and they holler out people's names to pick up their food, so Rowan was asking questions about all the people, using their names. "Where's Margaret? What is Margaret picking up? What is Margaret doing? Who is Lee? Is Lee a man? What's that little girl doing? etc. etc."

ETA: Monique, I like Holden and Nolan, but not so much Caedmon... little too medieval sounding I think - sorry if that one is your absolute fave!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Spughy - my kids do that with roads, too! Everywhere we go, its "what's this road's name?" and they point at every road we pass and say "What's that road's name?" And every time we turn onto our road they yell out its name over and over and over till we get to our house. Its pretty funny when I'm on the cell phone with someone and they hear the chorus start.

I'm sooooo happy right now. I made cold peanut sesame noodles for lunch and SIL and BIL are coming over for dinner so I'm making sherried tomato soup and quesedillas. YUMMY day! I'm trying to figure out what do to do with the kids this afternoon - maybe a hike before we go to the grocery store. Its spring break for Killian this week and so I'm remember now how much work it is to keep him entertained all the time! Ellie is so much easier, she's content to color, do playdoh, help me around the house... Killy needs so much stimulation, him being home requires us to take 1-2 outings a day, minimum. Whew!

Amy - I don't know the details, either, but I know if I really and truly could only afford one trip, it would be a tough call. Sadly, I think that most people would probably be really nasty to someone who didn't come to their mother's funeral. It was a tough call for us a couple years ago when David's grandmother was dying. We ended up driving out to say goodbye to her, but I was worried that everyone would think we were awful for not being at the funeral a few days later. No one ever said anything to us, but it was just a difficult situation all the way around.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Amy, I'm so sorry about your grandmother and your mom, too. I can understand why it is upsetting for you...I would feel the same way, I'm sure.

Monique, I hope you continue to fight the blues/numbness and come out of it strong. And good luck as you decide on the name! I think they are all lovely. I think my favorite is Holden.

Q of C, sounds love a lovely and delicious day! Have a great hike..sounds lovely. And I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Spughy, sounds like Rowan is so verbal and saying so much, and such cute stuff!

I am feeling better these days, too. Thanks for asking, Amy. I am getting out a bit more, and feeling closer to living a more balanced, fulfilled life. It's key for me to stay creative, so as long as I make sure that is happening, I am okay. Finley and I are having a lovely day together. He has been so sweet and easy lately.

Question for you All: How can I kill this skin thing on my face? (I don't remember if I told you all about it before). I've had it for over a month now. It is a smallish (about the size of a dime, probably smaller, though), roundish reddish dry skin spot, between my mouth and nose, but off to the side, like where my smile line is. I think it is eczema, but am not sure. Anyway, I have tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it, short of going to the doctor (insurance has been a whole separate drama/issue). Does anyone have any tips or other ideas of ways to knock this out? Any herbs or anything?

(Right now, I'm trying calendula gel...it seems to be a tiny bit less irritated, but not much).

THANKS!!!


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 
Amy, I'm so sorry about your grandmother and your mom, too. I can understand why it is upsetting for you...I would feel the same way, I'm sure.

Monique, I hope you continue to fight the blues/numbness and come out of it strong. And good luck as you decide on the name! I think they are all lovely. I think my favorite is Holden.

Q of C, sounds love a lovely and delicious day! Have a great hike..sounds lovely. And I'm so glad you're feeling better.

Spughy, sounds like Rowan is so verbal and saying so much, and such cute stuff!

I am feeling better these days, too. Thanks for asking, Amy. I am getting out a bit more, and feeling closer to living a more balanced, fulfilled life. It's key for me to stay creative, so as long as I make sure that is happening, I am okay. Finley and I are having a lovely day together. He has been so sweet and easy lately.

Question for you All: How can I kill this skin thing on my face? (I don't remember if I told you all about it before). I've had it for over a month now. It is a smallish (about the size of a dime, probably smaller, though), roundish reddish dry skin spot, between my mouth and nose, but off to the side, like where my smile line is. I think it is eczema, but am not sure. Anyway, I have tried EVERYTHING to get rid of it, short of going to the doctor (insurance has been a whole separate drama/issue). Does anyone have any tips or other ideas of ways to knock this out? Any herbs or anything?

(Right now, I'm trying calendula gel...it seems to be a tiny bit less irritated, but not much).

THANKS!!!

Hmm, I will have to try to remember what I had--I went to a dermatologist because I had something similar on the side of my face--sort of red and scaly and it even got sort of raised. It was something basically normal, and unfortunately I don't even remember what we did about it but it essentially went away. Sorry that that's totally not helpful! I'll try to remember that and find a pic online and see if that makes sense to you.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Kavita, Do you remember what the cause of it was, or how long it lasted?
Thanks for helping!







I am just so sick of this thing, and I'm starting to get auditions again, so I need to be looking a little...better. (and more importantly, I just *feel* so gross).

Thanks again!


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

God, I hope it's not impetigo like what's-her-name on America's Next Top Model had!!







Just kidding. Sounds annoying, though, for sure.

Thanks for all the thoughts on my mom. I've basically come to the conclusion that regardless of her true motives (or even excuses) I still really believe she's an ass, so all of my responses come from that place. As I told Kavita last night, she called and said she is headed up to Oregon today, so I guess I have to spare her my righteous indignation.







Oh well.









Monique, Holden would be my choice of the three.

I'm off to make dinner. I'm SO not motivated to cook dinner these days.







:


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

I like Holden, too. And Monique, he's stunning!

So today we got a bright orange notice on the windshield of our not-running car that's been parked on the curb for about a month. Seems the police frown upon these kinds of eyesores. I should have known it was coming when I heard the street cleaners come by this morning--I think they were content to ignore our broke-down SUV once, but having to maneuver around that sucker twice must have done them in.







We are so _that_ family right now.

Next week is my spring break, but I must say that I'm so into what we're doing in school right now that I don't feel like I need it the way I thought I would. Doubtless I will feel differently when I get to sleep in on Monday...

Dh went to a family gathering this past weekend, got into a somewhat heated political discussion with his brother, and then moments later witnessed him slap his 4 y.o. son across the face over some tiny, tiny incident. Dh was so shaken up by this; they were raised with the kind of infrequent and somewhat restrained corporeal punishment that many of us were, but he and all his other brothers and sisters make a conscious choice to be gentler parents. He's still processing what happened, deciding how to think of it, and how to think of his brother.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Oh HoneyTree, that sounds Awful!!! I am so sorry your DH is going through that, and especially for your nephew.







I hope that comes to some kind of productive, peaceful conclusion. In the meantime, Enjoy your Spring Break! No doubt the extra sleep will be lovely and much deserved.

And Amy, I'm not proud to say, I remember that incident on ANTM. Thankfully, mine isn't spreading all over, just this one annoying spot, so I think I'm clear from that







I do hope I can find a solution to it soon, though.

Monique, can't wait to hear what you decide for your beautiful new boy's name!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

barcelona - I had something kind of similar in college on several areas of my face which I chalked up to an allergy to grapefruit. (I'd never had grapefruit before, had it twice in one week, and that a weird red/scaley/slightly raise rash on some areas of my face) However the nurse at the student health center said it wasn't an allergic reaction and suggested that it was irritation from my face wash, which was an anti-acne wash. She suggested that I switch to cetaphil (I think that's the name - the really basic, gentle face wash) and a "sensitive skin" lotion. I did that and stopped eating grapefruit and it went away within a week or two. Good luck! I'm such a "picker" I obsess over any imperfections in my skin. When I get regular dry patches I usually slather on some night-time (heavy) lotion right before bed every night - leave it on thick enough that its still white on the skin, and it seems to help letting it soak in overnight.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I remember that incident on ANTM too.







:. Oh what pop culture junkies we are!







Barcelona, I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you... but the calendula sounds like a good idea - that's what I throw at any and all skin irritations, it works most of the time except on DH's really bad eczema.

Teresa - I am so sorry about your nephew. That's just awful. I hope - because I am the meddling sort - that your DH decides to talk to his brother about it, rather than just letting it stew... it's going to damage their relationship regardless, but talking to him *might* make him think twice the next time he wants to hit his child. Oh, that just makes my heart hurt thinking about it.

QofC - THANK YOU for letting me know your kids have a dire need to know what road they're on too! I thought Rowan was a little odd. I feel much better now.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

spughy, what do you do for really bad eczema for your DH? does my description sound like eczema to you? (i've never had it before...)

Q of C, that is REALLY interesting about the grapefruit thing! cause i have never eating grapefruit in my life til about two months ago, when this thing came up! and i've been eating grapefruit all the time these days. i'll stop and see if that helps. that would be crazy if that is it. thank you for sharing! i hope it works. as for face wash...i guess i could try cetaphil, though i doubt it's my face wash, as i had it for months before this showed up.

and teresa, i kind of hope your DH says something to, though know how delicate and awkward those situations can be...


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 
Q of C, that is REALLY interesting about the grapefruit thing! cause i have never eating grapefruit in my life til about two months ago, when this thing came up! and i've been eating grapefruit all the time these days. i'll stop and see if that helps. that would be crazy if that is it. thank you for sharing! i hope it works. as for face wash...i guess i could try cetaphil, though i doubt it's my face wash, as i had it for months before this showed up.

Oh, how bizarre!!!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 
spughy, what do you do for really bad eczema for your DH? does my description sound like eczema to you? (i've never had it before...)

I don't know... I think the grapefruit might be a more fitting explanation, especially if you've never had eczema before - it's usually a lifelong sort of thing, DH has had it since he was a baby. But what he puts on it, if it's really bad, is hydrocortisone. Which is not great long-term, as it thins the skin.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

thanks everyone for the skin help! i'm stopping my grapefruit habit, and i'll let you know how that turns out. i did a bit of online research on grapefruit allergies, and it does look like it's feasible/possible that this is the cause. how wild!

off to finish some photo biz, and then take the boy-child out to play.

hope everyone has a delightful day!


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## 3for3hb (Jan 13, 2005)

I thought I had posted here but I guess I had just emailed the online birth announcement out. It's right here. Kinda redundant to retype that all out.

People either love his name or hate it. Dh and I love it. And that's all I'm going to care about now.

My mom hates it. And has decided to be all mean about it. I'm trying to process that right now and am sooo ticked off by her psychopathic manipulation. It was all I needed to the tip the scales and now I'm feeling anxious and incredibly sad and it's so so so stupid. I'm gonna have to call you soon Kavita







, just gotta find the time.

We decided Nolan Bryce was too close to Norman Price (the kid who's always getting in trouble on Fireman Sam) and the boys would probably keep forgetting his name. Holden is the name of a major car company in NZ, and it being a place I'd like to live, we decided it wasn't a good idea to name him the equivalent of Cheverolet here in the States. plus the whole Holden in catcher in the rye thing..

Had my 8day pp visit today and he's gained 14 ounces overall. Lost three in the first day and is up 11 so weighs 9 lbs 4oz now. I'm trying so hard to savor every moment of his luscious newborness. Smelling his neck sends a tingling cascade of contentment through every cell of my body. Sigh. I think I need more baby sniff therapy right now....


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I'm right there with the naming hassles







People are stupid sometimes.


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *willemsmamma* 
People either love his name or hate it. Dh and I love it. And that's all I'm going to care about now.

My mom hates it. And has decided to be all mean about it. I'm trying to process that right now and am sooo ticked off by her psychopathic manipulation. It was all I needed to the tip the scales and now I'm feeling anxious and incredibly sad and it's so so so stupid. I'm gonna have to call you soon Kavita







, just gotta find the time.

We decided Nolan Bryce was too close to Norman Price (the kid who's always getting in trouble on Fireman Sam) and the boys would probably keep forgetting his name. Holden is the name of a major car company in NZ, and it being a place I'd like to live, we decided it wasn't a good idea to name him the equivalent of Cheverolet here in the States. plus the whole Holden in catcher in the rye thing..

Had my 8day pp visit today and he's gained 14 ounces overall. Lost three in the first day and is up 11 so weighs 9 lbs 4oz now. I'm trying so hard to savor every moment of his luscious newborness. Smelling his neck sends a tingling cascade of contentment through every cell of my body. Sigh. I think I need more baby sniff therapy right now....

i love his name! but i hear you on the name stuff.. my family all have strong ideas about my kids names. i think they like them now, but we all argued about what rue-bee's name would be. i finally named her what i wanted, but i think tim is still a bit miffed.









on baby sniffing...i still sniff rue everyday all day long







. she still smells like a yummy baby to me and she is 2 months old now...i only bathe her once a week or so and just use water and a teeny bit of calendula baby wash (weleda stuff) so she really does just smell like herself, which is So mmmM. *sigh* but she is getting big so fast. i guess she isn't huge, she is still squeezing into most of her NB stuff but she is tall, like all of my kiddos.. tall and skinny. why didnt i get those genetics too?







last time i weighed her he was 10 lbs 8oz with a shirt on...at 6 weeks old


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

People can be so ridiculously insensitive with something as personal as a baby's name. I remember when my sister decided to name her son Canyon, in 1994, in our very NOT crunchy family, and my mom and her sisters teased her that they would call him "Gorge." And you can imagine the flack I took from these same women at naming my child Woody. Monique, he's a lovely boy with a lovely name, and though I know you know this, his name will fit him perfectly as he grows and everyone else will simply have to adjust.

Regarding dh seeing his brother slap his nephew, if it were me, I would have made a comment, too, or would have had to have a conversation about it before leaving. We are in great contrast that way; it's an almost physical thing for me that I can't sit with conflict--I have to resolve it and resolve it quickly or I can't move on to anything else in my life. While he was shocked, he tends to sit with things until wisdom comes to him, then works things out from a very calm place.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *barcelona* 
thanks everyone for the skin help! i'm stopping my grapefruit habit, and i'll let you know how that turns out. i did a bit of online research on grapefruit allergies, and it does look like it's feasible/possible that this is the cause. how wild!

off to finish some photo biz, and then take the boy-child out to play.

hope everyone has a delightful day!

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful with this--I tried looking this up but couldn't find what I was thinking of--I think what I had might have been something like a seborrheic keratosis--however it didn't look nearly as horrible as the photos I saw of them online so it didn't make sense to post it because it seemed like that probably wasn't it for you anyway.

The other thing I was going to suggest that you could see if a bit of hydrocortisone cream might work. Usually that stuff works pretty fast (within a day or two) if it's something easy that will respond to it IME. Of course I thought of this initially because I was wondering if it might be fungal or bacterial, and I had the idea of trying some APNO (all purpose nipple ointment, which has equal parts antibiotic cream, Monistat as an antifungal, and cortisone cream. But then it occured to me that this was probably not such a good idea after all because the bacterial or fungal thing is probably not that likely) but a little bit of cortisone might be helpful, even/especially if it is allergy related. Calendula is usually what I try first for skin stuff but can't say that I've had miraculous results with it either.

At this point I feel like I'm not qualified to advise anybody on anything these days!! I've been trying for months to deal with nipple pain, thinking that it was mostly thrush related, and trying everything from the natural methods to the hard-core systemic antifungals, and I finally caved and saw a doctor that I know who is very AP friendly and has a midwifery past of some sort and does births in a hospital and ob/gyn as a family practice doc. She listened to the whole ridiculous saga and looked at it and decided that we should try an antibiotic instead because it seems like it might actually be bacterial and lo and behold, it seems to be finally clearing up.







Well, I am not perfect, at least I know that at some point I need to actually consult an outside professional when things aren't working on my own. It's really funny too because I'd made the appointment to get a pap smear and general exam too, and I ended up taking Ella with me and when she was checking the nipples out Ella was very interested and pretty much jumped me and latched on, so then when we did the pap smear I had this ginormous barnacle-girl attached to me and I ended up just hosting her up so she was laying across my chest, scooting down to the end of the table, and having the pap smear like that. It was weird, but it worked.









We are also right now in a really unpleasant and bad situation with the contractor who was building our fence, so please send some good vibes for a positive resolution for all parties! DH and I are both really unpleasantly sick, and Ella is being a little crazy because she's been stuck in the house with lethargic and unhappy parents the whole week.














:







: Harish has been going to work but not much else. On the other hand it's giving me the opportunity to really work on potty learning--I have decided that I'm just sick of putting it off for reasons that aren't really related directly to Ella, and that I'm tired of messing with diapers when I really think she can be more or less done with diapers already if we give her the opportunity.

Mama Fern--it's good to hear from you! Glad little Rue-Bee is doing well and still smelling her nice newborn smell! I still smell Ella sometimes!









HoneyTree--that sounds like an upsetting incident. I can relate to what you said about how your DH needs to process it differently than you do, I think I am a little more like him too, although I don't like to sit on things too long either.

Monique--hey, operators are standing by, waiting to take your call!









Q of C--it shocked me to read that you never tried grapefruit until you were in college! I don't know why but that seemed really amazing to me.







Probably because when I was growing up, a half of a grapefruit with a little maraschino cherry in the center and a little sugar sprinkled on it was the standard prelude to dinner. And I remember my grandparents having oatmeal and grapefruit and coffee for breakfast. I guess to me it therefore seems really ordinary and like one of those things that everyone has eaten. Especially because my mom certainly didn't venture too far into the exotic in the food department.







This kind of reminds me of when I lived in Costa Rica--mangos and papayas and passionfruit and guava are really common and you can get them on the street corner. But people really went crazy for apples, because they are rare and imported! And horses there eat bananas, like a horse here would get a carrot or an apple for a treat, which seemed really funny to me.

spughy--Ella is really into "where's this? where's that?" too. Only it's more about where stuff is in the house. And it's often accompanied with a very exaggerated shrugged shoulders/palms up gesture, which is really funny. Then sometimes she'll conclude with, "Maybe closet!" and run off to check and see where it is. Also, "What's this? What's that? Show me!!" She's not so into the street name thing, but she certainly recognizes just about every place she's ever been practically in her entire life even if she's only been there once. And heaven help us, she is fascinated with cutting stuff and always wants to cut her own food and gets mad if we don't give her a knife or if we try to cut something for her. We went to a party the past weekend and there were all kinds of kids running around playing and various types of chaos, and at some point DH found that she'd dragged a stool over to the counter where the food was laid out and was using a sharp knife to saw away at a loaf of Irish soda bread. Eeek! On a cuter and less scary note, last night DH gave her some new playdoh (still in the shape of the can and not all smushed up yet) and she very carefully used the little plastic playdoh knife to slice the log of playdoh into rounds, and then lined the rounds up very precisely all in a line on her section of kitchen counter where she does her playing. When DH and I asked her about what she was doing, she answered, "Making pizza!!!" She definitely is picking up on stuff!

Okay, one more cute brag before I sign off here--I sometimes say, "Good morning, sunshine!" to her, and sometimes tell her that she's my sunshine. And quite spontaneously she told me recently, "Yes! Ella's sunshine. And Mommy's a rainbow!" and now if i tell her "good morning sunshine", she smiles and answers "good morning, rainbow!"














She is really the sweetest!


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

That's so cute about the sunshine and rainbow!

My parents don't like grapefruit, so we just never had it in the house. They also don't like lima beans or black-eyed peas, and I never tried those till college, either!

I'm in a very cranky mood at the moment. I won't go into details because I don't want to focus on it, but I'll leave it at: in my next life, I better darn well be the husband because its a much better deal, ime.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I was surprised at the not having grapefruit until college too! And me growing up in the wilds of northern Canada







we had grapefruit all the time. Guavas, not so much. But... I've still never had black-eyed peas.









Love the "sunshine" and "rainbow" thing! That's adorable. Rowan unfortunately terms everything these days as "poopy!" I just loooove being "poopy mummy!" How long does poo humour last???

QofC, if it makes you feel any better, MY Dh definitely has the short end of the stick right now.

Fern, so good to hear from you!!!

Monique, Caedmon is growing on me... I liked the wikipedia article. My mom wasn't thrilled with Rowan as a name, but she likes it now. I hope your family gets over their silliness soon, you don't need that right now!







.

Well, I finally cut my gym off for good. I went for one last workout and then cancelled my membership - although, because they have ridiculous policies on that sort of thing, I'm actually paid up until the end of April, so I might go some more. I will be sore tomorrow, because I pushed myself HARD, but it's good. I'm going to start a new blog about my exercise efforts without a gym, I'll post it when there's enough stuff to read and be useful.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

My grandmother passed away today. I am really feeling sad about it.







My mom did end up going up to be with her, which I am really grateful for. She told me that my Grandma was so happy that she came - she told the nurses in her care facility, "my daughter is here!" So I'm glad my mom got it together. She was surrounded by all four of her children, several grandchildren (my brothers included) and her life-long friends. She passed away peacefully and had been given her last rites and said Amen, so, I am thankful for that.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but just wanted to share. If you pray, please just send thoughts of peace to my Grandma. Thanks.


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## MamaFern (Dec 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amy** 
My grandmother passed away today. I am really feeling sad about it.







My mom did end up going up to be with her, which I am really grateful for. She told me that my Grandma was so happy that she came - she told the nurses in her care facility, "my daughter is here!" So I'm glad my mom got it together. She was surrounded by all four of her children, several grandchildren (my brothers included) and her life-long friends. She passed away peacefully and had been given her last rites and said Amen, so, I am thankful for that.

I don't want to hijack the thread, but just wanted to share. If you pray, please just send thoughts of peace to my Grandma. Thanks.

















amy, im sorry for you loss.















beloved grandma


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## Queen of Cups (Aug 29, 2003)

Amy, I'm so sorry.


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Amy. I am sorry for your loss. I am grateful her passing was peaceful. And I am sending peace to your beloved Grandma.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

Amy, I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I still miss my grandma terribly and she's been gone three years now.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Amy. I'm so glad you had such a strong woman in your life, and I'm sending you much love to get you through these difficult days ahead. Did your mum get there in time?


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Yes, she did. She spent a day and a half with my Grandma before she passed.

Thank you all for your thoughts.


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

Amy - I'll pray for your Grandma, your mom (I'm so glad she was able to be with your Grandma, for both their sakes, and for yours) your family, and for you, too. A peaceful passing, surrounded by loved ones, is such a comfort.


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss, Amy. It sounds like your grandma had a peaceful passing.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

I'm sorry, Amy.

I'm totally guilty of drive-by posting, since with our trip to San Fransisco/Sequoia (skipped Yosemite because more driving seemed ridiculous at the time) I've been working like a maniac. I traded shifts to get the time off, and now I'm paying everyone back by working four days, one off, three days, one off, two days and then finally a break next weekend. But the "break" coincides with my DH writing his five day MFA exam, so I'm sure we'll be totally wiped by the end of it all.

But I'm looking to you wise mamas for suggestions for baking a cake (?) for a combined passover/birthday celebration that needs to be: dairy-free, egg-free, flour-free and "kosherish". Can it be done? Matzo applesauce cake? Ideas, please? (For the record, the baking challenge is a bit of a joke- I will be making a small cake that meets all of the criteria, then probably an egg-free, dairy-free carrot cake for the real birthday cake).


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MelW* 
I'm sorry, Amy.

I'm totally guilty of drive-by posting, since with our trip to San Fransisco/Sequoia (skipped Yosemite because more driving seemed ridiculous at the time) I've been working like a maniac. I traded shifts to get the time off, and now I'm paying everyone back by working four days, one off, three days, one off, two days and then finally a break next weekend. But the "break" coincides with my DH writing his five day MFA exam, so I'm sure we'll be totally wiped by the end of it all.

But I'm looking to you wise mamas for suggestions for baking a cake (?) for a combined passover/birthday celebration that needs to be: dairy-free, egg-free, flour-free and "kosherish". Can it be done? Matzo applesauce cake? Ideas, please? (For the record, the baking challenge is a bit of a joke- I will be making a small cake that meets all of the criteria, then probably an egg-free, dairy-free carrot cake for the real birthday cake).

Amy--I'm sorry to hear about your grandma but I'm really glad that your mom came through for her in the end to the extent she was able.

Mel. My initial first reaction about the cake as a person who is Jewish and who bakes is--no way! That is waaaayyy harder than the Iron Chef thing! but then I thought about it for a few minutes and came up with a few ideas and decided that I may even join you in trying to create something, as I love a challenge in the kitchen.







You might be best off to try something that involves NOT actually baking but is more of a variation on a like a cake. More of like a torte or tart or cheesecake or parfait-type situation. You could probably make a halfway decent crust by crushing matzo (unsalted is probably best) into fine crumbs and then mix it with a bit of sugar and some melted coconut oil (or margarine but I vote for the coconut oil) and mix that up and press that firmly onto the bottom and slightly up the sides of a pan the same way you would make a graham cracker crust. I am not sure if soy is kosher for passover--if it is that would be awesome, because that would give you a whole lot more options for putting some sort of creamy pudding/ice cream-y filling of some sort as a layer. There are also some dairy free kosher cheesecake recipes out there somewhere. Fruit is totally kosher for passover, and you could do a layer of slices of fruit, and you could melt some apricot jelly and brush it over the top of the fruit as a glaze, the way they do with a fruit tart. Chocolate/candy is not inherently un-kosher for passover, unless there are grain-y ingredients in it, and they sell special candy/chocolates that are kosher for passover, although they probably have some dairy. I am sure that plain cocoa powder that is just cocoa with no dairy is kosher for passover, so that's another possible ingredient--that can be used to dust something or again mixed with a bit of water and maybe coconut oil or margarine to drizzle over the top of something if necessary. I guess the good news about this project is that due to the rules of kashrut, things of this sort (candy, passover foods, etc.) will be totally clearly marked as to whether they contain any dairy ingredients or whether they contain any flour or grain ingredients that are not kosher for passover. Keep in mind that coconut is both kosher and totally traditional for passover use (macaroons, anyone?) and it's a pretty yummy ingredient for desert use. Although I think that macaroons have egg ingredients in them, if I'm not mistaken . . . still, you could use that as an inspiration, say, a chocolate macaroon cake, or something like that. I think that flaxseed is a vegan substitute for egg sometimes--but I don't know if it's kosher for passover or not. I think almonds are also kosher for passover, so that is another possible ingredient to use, either sliced as an accent or ground up into a meal OR possibly marzipan?

So there are a few ideas for you to start out with!!

This reminds me, there was a big event here a few months back (which I didn't attend) but it involved the fine chefs of the area creating exotic gourmet desserts using Girl Scout cookies as a basic ingredient. But that too sounds easier than your project!


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Kavita, you rock! I'm actually starting to get excited about this challenge


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Macaroons are basically beaten eggs and coconut








Isaac's first birthday cake (bearing in mind that his allergy were wheat, eggs and dairy, amongst others) was a chocolate fudge cake made with tofu and cocoa. I'll try one last time to google the recipe because I can't remember where I got it from.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
Macaroons are basically beaten eggs and coconut








Isaac's first birthday cake (bearing in mind that his allergy were wheat, eggs and dairy, amongst others) was a chocolate fudge cake made with tofu and cocoa. I'll try one last time to google the recipe because I can't remember where I got it from.

I was afraid of that. (the eggs.)

And Mel, thank you for thinking I rock!









I am really rooting for tofu to be able to be used in this confection we are creating. It seems that there is a bit of controversy about soybeans--they are part of a category of food called _Kitniyos_ which is roughly translated as "lentils" and encompasses lentils, beans, rice, etc. that aren't really grains, but that are sort of on the borderline. Apparently these are prohibited more by a later developing custom than by Halacha aka Jewish Law. According to this article http://www.kashrut.com/Passover/KnowThyBeans/ " . . . the custom of the Jews in Europe (Ashkenazim) developed to avoid eating Kitniyos, and this custom was codified by the Ramah (ibid.). The Jews of Spain, Northern Europe, and the Middle East (Sefardim), however, follow the opinion of Rav Yosef Karo, and never accepted this custom. To this day, most Sefardim partake of rice, beans, maize, and other forms of Kitniyos without compunction."

So while soybeans are typically considered not kosher for passover, if you're dealing with Jews who are more laid-back about the rules and don't really honestly keep absolutely strictly kosher for passover (which I assume is the case based on your use of the term "kosher-ish"!) and this is a bit more of a tongue-in-cheek endeavor anyway, you could make a good case for tofu not being actually prohibited by Jewish law per se and say that you are following the Sephardic custom.









For more ideas on what is and is not kosher for passover, the above site has a lot of helpful information. And it also will give you a very good idea of why I am not a religiously practicing Jew.







Just reading all this makes my head spin and brings out a nasty OCD streak in me that leaves me feeling mentally exhausted and wanting to curl up into a fetal ball!

Here's some more ideas for substitutions: http://www.gourmania.com/articles/passover_tips.htm

It also occured to me that there is a Jewish mamas tribe in the FYT section here, you could pose a question for them and see if they have any ideas for you. I just wouldn't mention the soybeans or the accompanying carrot cake . . . .


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Still can't find that recipe, but the stuff Kavita is posting is fascinating.

Haven't we all gone quiet? Where is everyone? Is anyone doing anything fun this weekend?


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

I've just been reading a really interesting book, which has made me really introspective. It's called Anatomy of the Spirit. It's one of the most interesting books on health that I've ever read.

This weekend we're going to try to get outside today if possible. Tomorrow it's supposed to rain. Again.







:


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## gingerstar (Jun 10, 2005)

I hear you, Amy - we had snow Thursday, that stuck.







: Today it is supposed to be in the 40's, though, so it should be gone. But this is our spring break! Bleh. I've a house full of sickies, 102 fevers, snotty noses, and one puking last night.... Joy.
Trying to think of a bright note to end on... Um, my daffodils are sprouting? That did encourage me. Also, my DH may be getting a job on Monday, so that is a good thing!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Well, I have a sick husband and a child who is suddenly addicted to Wallace & Grommit (Curse of the Were-Rabbit), and who thinks the name of the theme song is "Stuck in Mummy's Head"







.

But yesterday I took the dog for a good hike up the peninsula (Mackenzie Bight) and there was SNOW everywhere!!! So today I am going to leave the husband in bed and take Rowan and Daisy up there again. Rowan is extremely snow-deficient for a Canadian child, she needs a good dose. Down here there is no snow, but we had hail on Thursday - which Rowan thought was the best thing EVER because she could collect it from the stroller cover and munch it all up.







"I like to eat hail!!!"


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

we are having a nice, relaxing weekend. i am diving into my writing project in a moment, which i am thrilled to do, and which my spirit really needs. am gonna stock up on food later and get the house all clean and all that good stuff, and i'm sure finley will help lots









no big plans, though. the hubby and i are gonna have a saturday night "party" watching monty python, after finley sleeps.
we are quiet around here, aren't we?

it is not snowing here, but it is chilly, and i have to say, i enjoy it. it's a cozy day.

hope you are all getting healthy and having sweet weekends together.


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
Down here there is no snow, but we had hail on Thursday - which Rowan thought was the best thing EVER because she could collect it from the stroller cover and munch it all up.







"I like to eat hail!!!"

Hee hee! That is cute.

Poor Gingerstar & Spughy with the sick babes and hubbies! Is this sick season ever going to end?!

So Jason totally dropped a bombshell on me today and said that he would really like to have another baby







but he doesn't think our current situation is ideal, what with living so far away from family/support and me JUST having gotten back to work on my PhD. But this is the first time he's ever brought it up and has actually talked through what changes we might need to make. I think we're both kind of terrified, though, because things have just started to get easier with Brynn overall. It's crazy to think about going back and starting all over again. But ya know, I would do it if he wanted to as well, despite the circumstances. So, we'll see. Who knows, Kavita, I might end up owing you $20 after all!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Not saying a word, Amy, I don't want to jinx it...









Spughy, did we show you Shaun the Sheep? The theme tune is twenty times as annoying, and it comes in tidy short episodes so you can hear the theme tune 6 times as often.

Sharon







May the washing machine be swift and efficient, and may someone find time to pamper you when all of this is over.

Barcelona







good to hear from you.

We had a good day- despite the weather, I dragged my family down to the seaside and we froze our bottoms off walking along Weston-Super-Mare pier eating chips and watching punch and judy and generally being tacky tourists. It were right grand, but a wee bit nippy, like


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Amy, WOW. That is huge! And exciting. And I don't want to jinx it either. But I hope you can both find peace in the situation and figure out what is best for your family.

Helen, sounds like a right grand day. I fantasize about life in England all the time, so I love hearing little snippets of daily life (and your language), that bring it to life for me. How is little River? Is his name finalized?

Forgot to say, Gingerstar...great about your DH getting a job!!! And again, I hope you all feel better right away, and that you can relax when it's all over, like Helen said.

Spughy, hope Rowan is enjoying her dose of Canadian snow.

I am sitting here, going between crying and laughing along with my writing project. The man at the table next to me must think I'm insane.

And is anyone else just overwhelmed by how adorable your kids are? I am...I can't believe how sweet he is! What a precious time. And when I'm away (like now), or he's asleep, I've forgotten all about his tantrums...

Off to cry and laugh and write some more, and then domestic family time.

I love Saturdays!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Well our snow wasn't all that fabulous - it had melted a lot since yesterday. Rowan crunched around in it a bit, then wanted to be carried. So I got some exercise in.







Then she had a meltdown in the car, probably because she woke up too early this morning. I think it was because she was hungry, and I don't have anywhere near enough milk to tide her over til breakfast when she wakes up at 6:30. So she wanted boobies in the car, fell asleep, then when I tried to move her into the car seat she predictably woke up and had a fit that we weren't going to have more boobies. Fun drive home.

DH is still in bed. It's raining now, and Rowan has rebounded from this morning's sleepies and is resolutely refusing to go for a nap, but she's playing quietly with her books so whatever. I have rhubarb I want to plant, and some woodchopping to do, but the weather isn't making me REALLY want to do any of that.

Amy - whoa dude. That's all I have to say on that.







I think I'm heading to a headspace where I'm not wanting any more kids. I have to get past the whole "genetic eggs in one basket" thing, which may or may not happen. And I never really know where DH is on stuff like that. His concept of time is odd, to say the least.

Helen, no I think I successfully avoided Shaun the Sheep - or maybe saw a little of it? I am trying to limit the TV... we got the cable cut off, all good, and we're left with a few DVDs - Dora, Diego, Toopy, Backyardigans, Wonderpets and bloody Wallace & Grommit, which actually belongs to friends and I *wish* I could give it back right now, but they left for Australia on the day Rowan's W&G obsession started and they won't be back for several weeks. Figures. Why won't she go all obsessive over the Wonderpets??? I LIKE the Wonderpets.

I would like to ditch the TV altogether, but I must admit that it is sanity-saving at times.







:

barcelona - have fun with your writing! I need to do a bit of that today too.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Amy** 

So Jason totally dropped a bombshell on me today and said that he would really like to have another baby







but he doesn't think our current situation is ideal, what with living so far away from family/support and me JUST having gotten back to work on my PhD. But this is the first time he's ever brought it up and has actually talked through what changes we might need to make. I think we're both kind of terrified, though, because things have just started to get easier with Brynn overall. It's crazy to think about going back and starting all over again. But ya know, I would do it if he wanted to as well, despite the circumstances. So, we'll see. Who knows, Kavita, I might end up owing you $20 after all!









I was







that Q of C didn't try grapefruit until college.

This news, on the other hand . . . on my shock-meter it registers as: :yawning:










I am over here just snickering wickedly. And wondering what I'm going to buy with my $20!









(In case the rest of you are wondering what the heck we are talking about, Amy and I were talking on the phone one day not too long ago about the probability that they would have another baby. She maintained that it was close to zero. I have consistently maintained that somehow intuitively I definitely believe that they will in fact end up having another baby. And that I was willing to bet money on it.)

At this point I am almost even willing to up the ante--an extra five bucks says that Amy (aka Ms. "We want our kid to be an only child") will be knocked up before Ms. "I want to have at least one more, and possibly three if my ovaries and sanity hold out" ie, me!!


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## *Amy* (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kavita* 
This news, on the other hand . . . on my shock-meter it registers as: :yawning:









At this point I am almost even willing to up the ante--an extra five bucks says that Amy (aka Ms. "We want our kid to be an only child") will be knocked up before Ms. "I want to have at least one more, and possibly three if my ovaries and sanity hold out" ie, me!!

















: Totally. $25 it is! You're right - I do need to open up a betting window on my blog. :nana:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy*
I have to get past the whole "genetic eggs in one basket" thing, which may or may not happen.

You mean that compels you to want to have another child, right? Just wanted to make sure I'm reading that right.


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## Kavita (Dec 7, 2004)

And now back to my previously scheduled post . . .

I also thought it was quiet around here--and since I was the last one who posted (about the passover cake ideas) I was like, um, is it something I said?!









barcelona--you always seem so mellow and positive! I wish I felt like you sound! I envy that you really are committed to your creative side. I feel like I don't really place enough importance on nurturing my own creativity and really following through with various artistic or expressive pursuits. Right now most of my creativity is spent on writing in online forums, which certainly isn't exactly always recognized as a legitimate artistic format. How do you manage with a toddler underfoot?

spughy--I've said it before, but you are seriously hardcore! Maybe it's a Canadian thing and you're just better suited for surviving on the frozen tundra and surviving off elk jerkey and melted snow! lol! When it hails I go hide inside and worry that a big hunk of ice is going to put a hole in my roof or one of my windows! I certainly don't go pushing a stroller in it--heck, I don't even like to go outside at all even in the car when the weather is bad! Which, as Amy mentioned, it seems like it always is around here.







:

gingerstar--I hope that all your sickies feel better soon! And







: about your DH's potential job!!

Here I am sick. Yesterday I felt better, even though I only slept 4 hours the night before, but today all the emotional stress of the debacle with our fence and then just not getting enough sleep this week, and then being up too late yesterday night, I have gotten way worse. I have mostly lost my voice, I am coughing, I am congested both sinus, nose and chest. (Luckily DH is being very nice and is watching Ella so that I can sleep and rest and recover today.) I think that ella's bedtime is so stressful for me oftentimes that unless she falls asleep very quickly and peacefully and I can fall asleep too, I end up getting very tense when I'm already too exhausted, and then have trouble feeling relaxed and falling asleep myself. Sometimes bedtime is fine and peaceful and I get good sleep. But probably more time than not it's very frustrating and difficult, and just trying to keep my patience requires a lot of effort. First there is with trying to wrangle her through my portion of her bedtime routine and then deal with all the pinching and pulling and groping and moving and kicking and twisting around of the pre-sleep nurse-a-thon, all of which is really uncomfortable and requires me to stay on high alert to not get bitten or twiddled on the other side in a way that makes me jump out of my skin and want to just angrily swat at her like a fly. Then even the nursing is frequently interrupted to popping off to talk or jump on the bed or jump out of the bed and run around at intervals, or ask for water or cowmilk or go to the potty or whatever. Then if I finally get her to let go and lay down, and she doesn't go into a complete meltdown and scream and cry or get furious and hit and try to yank my shirt up and attack my boobs, I have to rub her back endlessly. And not just any old way--she issues orders like "tickle back!" when she wants to be sort of lightly scratched with fingers, or "up and down!" or "rub neck!" and she'll even grab my hand and move it to demonstrate. (She's definitely mama's girl in that way, so I guess that's my revenge for making DH rub me on a frequent basis and to my exacting specifications!







) Anyway, I seriously told DH last night that our next kid is getting a crib and learning to sleep on his/her own a lot earlier than this one--this just is getting really old. Not that I'd ever go with a CIO approach, but more of a No-cry-sleep solution approach. I was too lazy about this when Ella was little and I feel like now I'm paying the price! She's really a sweet and wonderful child and is mostly nice to be around, so I don't want to make her sound like a little monster, but the night-time stuff is just really hard for me. Especially because it makes it so late that I don't get any adult time with DH or time for myself either.

Anyway, that's what's news here. Nothing too major. It seems like the fence dispute is close to a resolution so that is positive. And then we're just going to plant some creeping vines on it and/or sunflowers in front of it to hide the darn thing!! I wish I had felt better, I had a whole list of little projects that I wanted to do but I just couldn't talk because I'm so hoarse that I've mostly lost my voice, and I couldn't do much besides just lay in bed. Now I'm up, but pretty much the whole day is gone now.







Oh well, it's the weekend. There will be another day.


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

Taking advantage of a "no, my daddy's going to do it" evening to post. It's about time, after almost two and a half years to not need to be the parent to has to do everything.









I'm in the "hopefully getting ready to have another baby soon" camp- I feel ready right now, but things in our lives (the impending major move and no jobs yet) are putting TTC on the shelf for at least a few months. We'll see...

And our weather is insane the last couple of days- intermittent shining sun, frost overnight and we were caught out in a hailstorm on our morning run.

Neela is having a growth spurt or something with loooong naps and sleeping better than she ever has in her life







She slept in until 8:30 earlier this week, and has been going to bed sooo much easier than usual! We've been doing a progressive relaxation with her that seems to be her new favourite thing, and is saving our sanity from the annoying lullaby CD that we've listened to every night for months on end now. I'll tell Neela to send some tired vibes your DD's way, Kavita.

gingerstar, good luck to your DH with the job










barcelona, I'm amazed by sweetness right now, too. She's so terrific I can barely believe by luck.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Sharon, River's name is finalised, legalised, we've told Inland Revenue and are claiming his child benefit and whatnot, but some people (my aunt) are being downright rude about it







I talked to the minister at the church where I run BBT about it, and her suggestion is that we tell people WHY we named him as we did: so this is what we're going to do.

Kavita







I'm sending you a mug of virtual honey and lemon right now, and there's a great big slug of whisky in it. Don't give up on the bedtime routine: there is no bad habit that can't be broken, if you want to.


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

Big hugs to the sick mamas and families. We had a wretched run with that a few weeks back, and are just now waking without gunky eyes and coughs.

But it sounds like many of us had splendid Saturdays! We celebrated Dh's birthday. I had tried to knit him a pair of camping socks, but only managed to finish one, so it ended up being kind of a gag gift. And the baby and I made him pizza and a lemon cake. I experimented with using beet juice to dye the icing pink. It didn't work too well. Despite the fact that I only used about two tablespoons of the room-temperature, concentrated beet juice, it somehow separated the sugar and the butter. The taste and color were good but the texture was kind of...crystally.

Today we're doing some replanting at the shoreline of an unhealthy lake in our area with one of the parents from my school who does this kind of environmental work. I'm hoping it stays overcast--we've gotten entirely too much sun for my pale little boy these past few days! But it kills me--this lake is in the white flight part of town, the ritzy suburbs--and the developers have just tortured this lake for years, letting construction silt fill it, bulldozing the grasses and plants to make it "accessible" to residents.







I just don't get it; it's like people still don't realize that we're all in this together, the alligators, the bream, the herons, the apple snails, the irises, the people who live forty yards from them, the people who live forty miles from them... Speaking of which, I forgot to turn my lights out last night for Earth Hour.
















OK, moving on.

Sarah, the park where you hiked with Rowan looks gorgeous! I'm sorry she got over-tired and had a rough time on the ride home. We've had many such moments in coming and going to school lately.

Mel, Woody is going through a growing spurt, too; marathon nursing, whining, throwing things, red-faced crying fits. We've had quite a few "daddy days" in the past week!

Barcelona, I loved the mental image of you sitting in a cafe getting a kick out of your writing! What a splendid day. And Kavita, I'm just guessing, but I bet that the fact that she was at the cafe instead of at home had something to do with being able to concentrate on writing!

Amy,







Awwww! Did Jason just kind of pull that desire out of the blue? I'd say it's a good sign for your relationship, too, if your partner feels like it's time to consider another child. I know that when Dh brings it up, it's when he feels really secure in us as a couple, in what we can manage together, in how we approach the world, etc. And I wrote down that book title. Did I tell y'all I've been reading Krishnamurti lately? I don't know what has come over me, but I'm shopping around for blow-your-mind kind of books. Apparently I need a little philosophical shake-up in my life.

AND IT'S MY SPRING BREAK!!!! YAY!!!!!


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## spughy (Jun 28, 2005)

Uggghhhh... I did NOT get enough sleep last night.

Teresa, don't feel bad about not turning your lights out. We DID, then 1/2 hour later the smoke alarm went off from all the candles. ARGH! I hate that thing. So we had Earth 1/2 Hour. And frankly it made me really nervous - toddler + candles = bad, in my view. Plus, we have all compact flourescents ANYWAY, and I left the radio on because I was listening to a show.

Mel, can you send some of Neela's daddy-interest over here? Rowan wants Daddy in the middle of the night (which is why I got crap sleep last night, because she kept waking up wanting to know where he was - he was on the couch because he's sick and snory and getting up a lot to take tylenol etc.) But aside from that, she wants very little to do with him, unless he's willing to read to her. She'll be friends with ANYONE who wants to read to her.

I have to share the latest cuteness though - I just asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she replied "I want nothing for breakfast. But thank you for asking, Mummy."







This is what comes from our politely declining various toddler concoctions in the past...


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Honeytree, it sounds like such a lovely birthday for your DH! I love home-made, thoughtful birthdays. I'm sure he'll love the pair of socks when the other one joins the first gag one







I am ever-impressed with your craftiness. I think I've said it before, but I"ve only managed to ever knit scarves. Anything more than just straight lines over and over intimidates me, and whenever I start to attempt it, I make a violent mess! I am not very craftily-inclined, though I am sure one of these days, I'll pursue it again. Perhaps in my more mellow-mommyhood, I'll be able to tackle these things.

And yes, you were right: the reason I was able to get any writing done was because I was in a cafe. It's the only place or way I can get creative writing stuff done. At home, Finley is certainly a distraction, even if DH is playing with him. And even if they are out, and I'm home alone, on rare occassions on purpose, I"m unable to sit and write...I have to get domestic stuff done, while I'm there! There is always cleaning, picking up, laundry, and cooking to be done. So, cafes are my place to allow myself to just focus on those creative moments. And interestingly, I have worked better in cafes for years, long before I had a baby. I'm not sure why. I think I"m inspired by feeling like I'm part of the world, by being surrounded by other people.

Kavita, I find I get a bit depressed if I don't carve out enough creative time for myself. Thankfully, DH is the same way, so he gets it, and helps me make time for it. I really have not been good about it lately, and DH and I actually talked the other night about how down I've been, and I realized that a big part of it was my lack of creative outlet. (And part of it is our financial stress). But I am really working on trying to let those stressful factors go and trust that everything will work out.

We are just a financial disaster right now, and we are doing just about everything we can about it...and are able to survive...and I just need to accept it and move on and trust that we'll be okay, that this sacrificial time will pay off. So anyway, I am feeling much much better and happier and calmer now that I got that writing session in, and I plan to do much more!

And Kavita, I'm not nearly as mellow as I seem, probably. I guess I am in some ways, but I have plenty of stressed-out days, although I guess lately, it's been more of downer days, like I said. But I am consciously pulling myself out if it, and am so glad of that! And you ladies help keep me centered and sane, especially when I feel a bit isolated. Thank you for that!







:
Oh, and we are gonna do a real passover this year (DH is Jewish). Our neighbors (who are Jewish), invited us to their family's celebration, so we are going to do that...and I also want to do a little something at home. Do you have any favorite traditions or recipe to share with me?

Amy, be sure and keep us posted on conversations about baby with DH! Your and Kavita's talk of bets is cracking me up.

And Helen, I'm so excited that River's name is official! Do tell your aunt why you named him, and I"m so sorry she's being so rude about it. Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with some people.







:

Sarah, I can't believe how adorable Rowan is. I hope she sleeps better tonight! The other day, Finley similarly said, when offered food, with quite a cheer in his voice, No thank you. I'm full. And lately, when I bring him food, he says "OH!, Thank you Mommy! For Makin...(fillin the blank)". Oh, my heart is full! I wish all our kids could get together and play.

Off to look up Krishnamurti. You've got me all curious, HoneyTree!


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Barcelona, J K Rowling isn't the only person to have written a best-seller in cafes


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Add me to the list of sleep-deprived. Ugh. just. so. tired.
And that's about all I have energy for right now







:

Helen - I've got Keagan sitting on my lap right now and he is insisting that we keep looking at "the baby" in your blog. My goodness, River is cute!


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Susannah, I hope you get some sleep tonight!

Helen, I followed suit, and looked at your blog, and WOW. River is absolutely gorgeous, and I just want to squeeze him! Post more, post more!

And that goes for all of you new mamas!

And Helen, for what it's worth, I'm working on a screenplay. So it wouldn't be a best-seller, but it could be on the big screen...or even, I daresay, an oscar winner!







(i'm half kidding, half serious).

The sick vibes rubbed off on us via cyberspace, and DH is sick. I'm thankful that me and Finley are well, though. I'm off to tend to his poor miserable self, or at least, keep him some company.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Nah, you don't want an Oscar winner- you'd have to sell out to the studios for that one. Aim for Sundance, kidda








Thankyou for the comments on our squishy hamster








He is rather nice, isn't he?


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## MelW (Jan 13, 2005)

spughy and Susannah, sleep vibes headed your way!

Speaking of bestsellers, DH's new book arrived on our doorstep this morning. It's lovely- I'm very proud and only the tiniest bit jealous.

And I'm also a member of the River fan club; both the name and the lovely hamster









This morning my dear daughter told me to "close your eyes and let your mind be open". I have my own sage philosopher at the breakfast table. Then she stomped on the "little big bad wolf" and threw him out the front door, and helped me run away from the friendly trolls by taking a helicopter ride to China, and used a finger puppet wizard to turn me into a car so I could drive away...FAST! Her imagination in craaaaazy today


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## HoneyTree (Apr 5, 2005)

I had my 3 1/2 y.o. niece with us today, and she's staying for another two days.

Dh came home and told me that judging by my frazzled hair, it had been a challenging day.

It was challenging. Fun, but challenging. And I am utterly exhausted.

I know that if this were my real life, I'd acclimate, but seeing as how I usually only chase one, comparatively "easy" toddler, I may have well just run a marathon.

Mel, big congrats to Matt!


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

Thanks for the sleep vibes. Didn't happen last night and doesn't look likely tonight either. Ugh.

Mel, I'd be very proud too! The book looks great








And wow to your sage philosopher! I can't believe that - we are impressed when Keagan strings three words together









I know that it is really April but I'm too tired to even remember how to link this thread to a new one so I decided to not even create a new one







Now that you all know the inner workings of my mind I'm going to go scrub my bathroom floor







:


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Susannah, come and scrub mine instead- I honestly don't remember the last time it was done







:

April


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