# Traveling away from 3-month old for 2 nights?



## blake201 (May 20, 2010)

Since baby girl isn't actually born yet, and the trip I'm talking about is not until September, I hope this isn't too hypothetical a question. It's my first time posting here and I'd love to hear from experienced breast-feeding mamas about this. My basic question: did you go on any trips when your baby was young that took you away for a night or two, and if so, what was your experience?

So here's the background: baby girl is due June 18, and I plan to breastfeed her for a year at the very minimum. I'll be nursing her without any bottles for the first four weeks or so, with an occasional bottle of pumped breast milk thrown in after that to get her ready for my return to work. She will be cosleeping in the Arm's Reach co-sleeper next to me for as long as she fits in it for easy night nursing.

Once I go back to work at 12 weeks (my job only offers the FMLA standard and it's mostly unpaid, so I have no choice but to go back that soon) I plan to pump in my office to keep my supply up and provide milk for during the day (my mother will be caring for her and giving her the bottles of breast milk), but to nurse her myself whenever I'm home, at night, on weekends, mornings, etc.

Anyway, my husband wants to plan a romantic 2 or 3-night getaway for our 3rd wedding anniversary in September to the same little bed and breakfast a few hours drive away where we went for our 2nd anniversary and started trying to conceive (it worked the first month!). He'd like it to be just the two of us, and to leave baby with her grandparents. I'd bring a pump, of course, and leave plenty of expressed breast milk. Baby would be about 3 months old at this point.

Obviously, this is no crisis and is still quite hypothetical--we do have to book it in advance but if I get to that point and I just can't bear to be separated from her for a few nights, we'd take her along. And it's not as if I know yet what my milk supply will be like--though I don't want to do anything that will affect it!

But I just want to know if this is even possible/feasible/a good idea, and to hear from anyone who might have done something similar. My husband is really enthusiastic on the idea of us having a romantic getaway by ourselves to reconnect with each other and have a little romance, and I totally support that, but I just wonder if we might have to scale it back to say, ONE night... or take it a bit later, etc., to avoid endangering the breast milk supply. 3 months just seems a bit dicey...


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## Nan'sMom (May 23, 2005)

Sorry, maybe not the answer you are hoping for but I wouldn't do it at that young of an age, even for one night, absent some sort of emergency. Any way you can do some sort of a hybrid thing and take the baby with you?

My oldest is 6 years old and I still have never spent the night away from her. Neither of us feels the need for it yet. But dh and I do get some romantic time in, although with three little ones, not quite as much as we hope to in the future!


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## Artichokie (Jun 19, 2007)

my guess is that once you have her in your arms you will not want to leave her so young. And i think that impulse to not leave her would be the correct one.


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## blake201 (May 20, 2010)

P.S. Just to be clear, obviously I'm not just worrying about breast milk supply--she's not even born yet and even the thought of having to go to work and leave her with her wonderful nurturing grandma for 8 hours a day makes me really sad. So I figured I'd get some feedback from experienced mamas and present to my husband!

And I just spoke to the bed and breakfast in question and they said they are very baby-friendly and just love having babies around.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

I have a 6 week old, and I can tell you that I would be a WRECK if I had to leave her for that long.

I remember my friend left her son overnight with his dad while she went to her
SIL's bachelorette party 45 minutes away overnight. He was probably about 3 months old. The next morning she was sobbing on the phone to her husband, and then sobbed the rest of the morning until we got her home to her son.

Here would be my options that I would actually consider:

Take baby with you. But this might not be the relaxing time you're envisioning, depending on how "easy" your baby is. It might just be a chance of scenery but no real change of routine.

Wait quite a bit longer. I don't know how long, because it is going to vary by person, plus I'm only 6 weeks into this. You could also wait longer and then still take baby with you, but once baby is a bit older.

Plan a fun day trip for just the two of you.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

As a comparison, 2.5 months was about the age where I cautiously began to leave the house (without the baby) for about an hour at a time, to run small errands. I can't imagine that by 3 months any of my babies would have been ready for me to be away for 2 nights, and I know I would most definitely not have been able to manage being so far from my newborn for so long. Like, I seriously think it would have made me physically, and overwhelmingly sick.

From a supply standpoint at 2-3 months I am still all over the place with engorgement, leaking, etc., so a long separation would be a problem for me, and very painful. Everyone is different in this regard, I am sure.

Additionally, which might be a consideration, I have never been that ready to reconnect romantically at that point. Three babies and I have always still been dealing with postpartum bleeding and healing issues at 3 months, plus a rapidly changing PP body, leaking and breastfeeding issues, etc. Just not a good time for me.

Good luck and congratulations!


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

I think it will be romantic to take the baby to the place you concieved. Think of it as as returning her to the place she came from. My husband and I also concieved on our anneversary, out of town and are planning a trip there this summer. I think it will be super romantic, sort of a chance to congragulate ourselves for the pretty girl we were able to make.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

well, this is posted in BFing, so from a BFing POV, bad idea. with ds1, at 3 mos we werent any good at nursing yet. he'd never had a bottle and i never left him for more than 5 mins to run my sis down the street to school or maybe 20 mins to shower in the next room. 3 days would have been the end of nursing for us. (we made it to 24 mos, CLW, no bottles, no separation longer than a few hrs, for sure no overnights til age 3.)

i honestly think you wont be able to do it though once you have LO in your arms.


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## HappyHelpmate (Dec 20, 2006)

I know your experience may be different, since you'll be working outside the home (although it sounds like you might not have started that yet at the time of the trip you're talking about), but with both of my LO's I didn't leave them at ALL the first 9 mo's, and then MAYBE an hour. I remember the first time I left my DC1 for a few hours with DH @ ~15mo's--I was sooooo preoccupied mentally with how my LO was doing away from me, and I was really anxious to get home. I guess it was obvious, because the lady who was hosting the event I was at asked me if everything was ok as I was leaving. DC2 is only 13 mo's, and I've only left her for a few hours with DH one time, and I'm not ready to leave her again soon, although I'm considering leaving her with grandparents at the end of the month for the evening so DH and I can have dinner to celebrate our anniversary. Still up in the air about that though.
Sooooo.... I'm just sharing all this to say, I think you'll find it hard to leave your LO that soon, for more than just your working hours, which you said you HAVE to do. I agree it would be really neat to take her back with you to the place she was conceived.
HTH!


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## Bokonon (Aug 29, 2009)

I agree with the PPs - it's just not a great idea, honestly. I also agree that you probably won't want to leave her, and from her perspective, it could very well be devastating for her to not see you for 2-3 days.


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## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

The other thing-- as a working mom, you'd be suprised at how much you *don't* want to get a way from your kiddo for the weekend. By that age, I was *sick* of the pump, and would rather hang out with DS.

But I would still take the trip! DH and I just went on a trip with DS, and it was amazing and romantic. So much so that I am newly pregnant, but I digress. take the baby, you'll have blast!


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## HappyHelpmate (Dec 20, 2006)

Oooh! I think I had a really good idea (IMOHO, of course!)
What about taking your romantic getaway BEFORE you have the baby? I know it won't be right around your anniversary time, but as we've already addressed, it might not be the ideal romantic trip your DH has in mind if baby is in tow. You could still do SOMEthing for your anniversary, but maybe take your B&B getaway early.

I was remembering about a lady who came and talked to my childbirth class when I was expecting DC1. She just had her 7th(I think?) child, and said that before she's given birth the last several times, her husband has made arrangements for a romantic night out (with hotel room, without children--but by the time their next baby's coming, the previous one has been old enough for them to leave) and how it's just been awesome for them. It's helped her reconnect with hubby, destress from the chaos of getting ready for another little one, and prepare mentally for birth, just by having this one night together.
Maybe your DH would be up for that? wouldn't hurt to ask!


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## rparker (Jul 15, 2008)

I couldn't have been separated from my daughter for even one night when she was 3 months old... it would have been hell. To be honest, I still haven't been separated from her overnight and she's 31 months. (At this point I feel emotionally ready, but I'm not sure she is.)

I agree with the pp who suggested taking the trip before she is born.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I agree with the "before the baby comes" idea, too. With #1, we went on a week vacation at 28 weeks. I have such sweet memories of that trip.

With #2, we managed a date night. LOL. Still a great time.

This time (#3), we are managing a date night again. But, I'm still looking forward to it.

Next year, I'm planning a 1 night getaway for our anniversary. But, our baby will be 12 months old. That's pretty much the earliest I'll be ready for that.


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## blake201 (May 20, 2010)

Thanks so much everyone--I really appreciate all the responses! I showed them to my husband and I think it really helped him understand how painful/difficult it would probably be for me--I said I'd probably spend the whole weekend just calling my mother to check on baby, which isn't all that romantic! And I'd much rather nurse her than pump whenever possible.

I think we'll probably just plan the anniversary trip for her to come with us to the place she was conceived, which is very cool anyway. And with my mom (and sometimes my dad) staying in our apartment, we will be getting some occasional "just the two of us" time (in between nursing sessions!)--maybe some quick dates out in walking distance, etc.

Sadly, it's definitely too late to take any trips before she's born--I'm 36 weeks along now, and I don't want to be that far from the birthing center and my midwives at this point! Plus I'm just too uncomfortable to want to sit in a car for a few hours. It's too bad--I really did want to do some kind of romantic getaway before we had her, but life just interfered...

Oh, and re: working--yes, I am really sad that I have to go back at 12 weeks. That is just so soon, and if it wasn't 100% financially necessary, I'd take at least a year off and try to find a new job. But our health insurance is through my job, and my husband lost his job over a year ago and has been only able to find temp work for now, which has no benefits and pretty crummy pay.


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## Mama2Kayla (Feb 12, 2005)

Glad you're feeling better about things. I am another mama who wouldn't be able to leave my baby so young. I had lots of plans like that before my first was born, but after she was out my way of thinking completely changed. I couldn't bear leaving her with anyone.

My dh and I got married when dd was 21 months old. We couldn't have a big honeymoon at the time, so we drove down to the beach for the weekend. I didn't want to leave dd, so my mom came along for the trip and we put her up in a hotel room a few doors down from us. It worked out perfectly b/c dd was able to hang out with her and dh and I checked in throughout the day/evening with them to keep my mind at ease. Maybe something like this could be an option for you?


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