# Fwd email from MIL about spanking, etc - WWYD?



## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

I am not sure which forum is most appropriate for this- so if it needs to be moved I am sorry!

I just got this forward from my MIL. We barely know each other, but I feel like I have to respond. I don't know what the best thing to do is.

This is the email: (I blocked out all the actual email addresses so I hope I am not violating the user agreement!)

http://screencast.com/t/MDBiZTA0ZT

What would you do? I really want to send something back- maybe an article that explains why this is so not true? Is there any hope of educating her? I was also thinking I could hit "reply to all" lol. And send something to everyone on the list who has been forwarding it.

It really upsets me and I really have lost so much respect for her. I will still try to be loving to her though, it's just hard!


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## HappyMommy2 (Jan 27, 2007)

I can't exactly read that, however, getting into an argument like this with your MIL is totally pointless. You will not change her mind, and she will not change yours. Ignore the email, and don't leave your child alone with your MIL.

This is your child to raise, not anybody elses, and you will get all kinds of unsolicited advice to ignore!

good luck mama!


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Umm, hello, the generation born in the 50s and 60s had major drug problems . . . they are also, in my opinion and the opinion of many analysts, the most self-absorbed and non-family-oriented generation yet*. I think people set up this idea of the "good old days" but honestly, there was no such thing.

*ETA: and very materialistic and consumeristic . . .


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## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SomethingAnonymous* 
We barely know each other ... What would you do?

Vent about it on an Internet forum and then forget the whole thing without bothering to answer the email.

You're half way there


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

I don't wish to start an argument at all! But if she can forward things, so can I. We almost never talk. This will in no way harm any relationship. We've spoken maybe 3 times ever. I just think that maybe I could present some additional information to all those people. Anyone know a really good article?

http://content.screencast.com/users/...03-17_1500.png

Try that link if the other one wasn't viewable.


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

ew. its not even that clever, but maybe i just feel that way bc i am a total grammar snob. i would write a scathing reply and then hit reply to all. in fact, i did that one time to my dad who kept sending me religous emails. i replied to all and flipped out about 25 old folks who couldnt figure out how i hacked into their email account and go their addy! haha


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HappyMommy2* 
Ignore the email, and don't leave your child alone with your MIL.

This is your child to raise, not anybody elses, and you will get all kinds of unsolicited advice to ignore!

good luck mama!

It's not really about my child at all. Of course I would never let her babysit...lol. That's not the point. The point is that there are a bunch of people who think this is not only ok, but a good enough point to keep perpetuating it. What any of those people have young kids or grandkids? Maybe my information won't change their mind, but gosh education has to start somewhere! Just look at the post under mine about how this is still going on in public schools today. The reason that is happening is because there are so many people who still think it's ok. They need to know why it's not.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessedwithboys* 
ew. its not even that clever, but maybe i just feel that way bc i am a total grammar snob. i would write a scathing reply and then hit reply to all. in fact, i did that one time to my dad who kept sending me religous emails. i replied to all and flipped out about 25 old folks who couldnt figure out how i hacked into their email account and go their addy! haha

lol! thank you for agreeing with me. I just need to figure out what exactly to say.


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## K1329 (Apr 6, 2009)

Her comment at the top states that it was a different world then... it doesn't say she approves/disapproves. I'd probably let it go.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I would ignore it.


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *K1329* 
Her comment at the top states that it was a different world then... it doesn't say she approves/disapproves. I'd probably let it go.

That was someone else's comment. One of the people who forwarded it. She didn't add anything to it.


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## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

It's too dumb to respond to.

But this article makes it pretty clear that drugs have been a problem since Eisenhower at least, so clearly her clipping is rubbish. Anyway, yes it is a vastly different world, and thank god!

http://www.time.com/time/world/artic...887488,00.html


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## Kirstyandgirls (Nov 8, 2007)

I would def ignore it, it's a stupid little article agreed, but it not worth spending energy on (imho)


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I don't take it literally. I don't think it means I should beat my kids. And I don't find the general idea that kids were held to a higher standard of respect (whether it was genuine or not) generations ago than they are now to be offensive. It is pretty much true, and it HAS led to a lot of problems in our country.

I don't spank my kids. I am not religious and certainly don't take them to church. But I have a lot of gratitude for parents who raise kids to have manners and respect - who raise kids that get told no sometimes.

I would delete and ignore the email, and try not to let it get you worked up. Parent however you and your dp decide to. MIL has no input unless you let her.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

Ugh. All I know is that I cringed every time they misused the word "drug."

DRAGGED.

The whole thing falls apart when you correct the grammar.









I know that is not the point of this post, but it was physically painful to read that article!


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Since she sent it out to a group, I would leave it and let her know later that you don't agree...if it ever comes up.

If she had sent it to just you, that would be more offensive and pushy. Treat this just like a facebook post....without a dislike button.

It's good that you know how she feels about this though. That'll make you think twice before using her for childcare, no?


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

I would intentionally misunderstand it and write back to say, "I know, can you believe the ignorant, awful things some people think? As if treating a beloved child with unloving behavior was a good thing! Black is white! Night is day! Thanks for the laugh, MIL!"

But then I'm evil like that.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

I got pure sarcasm out of that article. It didn't seem like it was that nice of a tribute, and definitely did NOT sound like a sincere "Thank You mom and dad!"

Ignore it.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

....Did you all miss the ending of the article, where the author says that if more kids today had this sort of drug problem, then America would be a better place? I don't think that was sarcasm.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I don't take it literally. I don't think it means I should beat my kids. And I don't find the general idea that kids were held to a higher standard of respect (whether it was genuine or not) generations ago than they are now to be offensive. It is pretty much true, and it HAS led to a lot of problems in our country.

*I don't spank my kids. I am not religious and certainly don't take them to church. But I have a lot of gratitude for parents who raise kids to have manners and respect - who raise kids that get told no sometimes.*

I would delete and ignore the email, and try not to let it get you worked up. Parent however you and your dp decide to. MIL has no input unless you let her.











Really....the article has nothing to do with drugs...

No, I do not advocate spanking....but having parents who "made" me do things I didn't want to as a child I think helped me grow into the person I am today. There are many things we had to do as children...things I didn't want to have to do...but had to anyways....I grew up on a farm and there were lots of things that I had no choice about (feeding cattle, getting cattle back to the property when they escape, fixing fences etc). My dad is a Mason and I had to do things at the lodge that as a kid I didn't want to do (help at the widow's tea, cleaning and dishes at big breakfasts, etc). I was told to respect and listen to my teachers and I knew if I got into trouble at school I would get double the trouble at home (consequently I was never sent to the office/corner) I learned to respect my elders and authority, I learned the value of hard work.

I think it is a frivolous article meant in humour....I have seen something similar in Reader's Digest in the Laughter as Medicine area.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jaesun's Dad* 
Vent about it on an Internet forum and then forget the whole thing without bothering to answer the email.

You're half way there 











Plus, make sure you have a will that designates guardians to your kid(s) so you don't have to worry about someone with very differing values raising your kids.


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## Mulvah (Aug 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten* 
I don't take it literally. I don't think it means I should beat my kids. And I don't find the general idea that kids were held to a higher standard of respect (whether it was genuine or not) generations ago than they are now to be offensive. It is pretty much true, and it HAS led to a lot of problems in our country.

I don't spank my kids. I am not religious and certainly don't take them to church. But I have a lot of gratitude for parents who raise kids to have manners and respect - who raise kids that get told no sometimes.

I would delete and ignore the email, and try not to let it get you worked up. Parent however you and your dp decide to. MIL has no input unless you let her.


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## lalemma (Apr 21, 2009)

I was expecting some kind of crazy pro-spanking article.

The forward just seemed like generic "Back in my day, things were so much better!!!" hooey.

I would ignore it.


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
Since she sent it out to a group, I would leave it and let her know later that you don't agree...if it ever comes up.

If she had sent it to just you, that would be more offensive and pushy. Treat this just like a facebook post....without a dislike button.

It's good that you know how she feels about this though. That'll make you think twice before using her for childcare, no?

This.

If it was sent just to you as a way to criticize or influence your parenting style, then maybe it would warrant a response. Treat this like you would any other piece of junk mail.


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## Adasmommy (Feb 26, 2005)

You also have the option of replying in a lighthearted way with the general idea of:

Call me an optimist, but I intend to help my children build character through my example of love and understanding--neither kind of "drug" for my kiddos!


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

This is probably something that your MIL sent out without a moment's thought, and I'd ignore it as far as a response goes.

However, if you were to keep it mind to raise your children in such a way that "conventional" parents will never look at them at think "gee, that kid is acting like a jerk, s/he would really benefit from being drug out to the woodshed!" then you'd be creating some good PR for gentle discipline.

To my mind, that article is a conservative older person's way of saying "My parents paid close attention to my behavior and how it affected other people. They valued manners. They valued social responsibility. They spent time and energy shaping my character and habits, and I'm grateful to them now for the self-mastery I attained in childhood."

Forming a sound character is basically what most MDC mamas want to do four our own children. We just don't think corporal punishment in furtherance of character-building is 1) morally sound and/or 2) effective.


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *green betty* 
I would intentionally misunderstand it and write back to say, "I know, can you believe the ignorant, awful things some people think? As if treating a beloved child with unloving behavior was a good thing! Black is white! Night is day! Thanks for the laugh, MIL!"

But then I'm evil like that.

lol. That is what I ended up sending back.

The worst part of all this- is that after talking to my DP about it, he has told me about how he doesn't even understand what I am talking about. He says he did have his mouth washed out with soap, and he was hit at home and in school, and he thinks it was good. So now we have that divide between us.

I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.


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## vrclay (Jun 12, 2007)

As a general rule I erase all forwarded emails from my FIL without even oppening them. After 2 or 3 rants about immigration, liberal leaning govt, etc, I just decided I'd spare myself the hateful stuff. Maybe something to consider...


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SomethingAnonymous* 
I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.

Well, I agree with you. I think it's disgusting. It's not a small thing.


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LionTigerBear* 
Well, I agree with you. I think it's disgusting. It's not a small thing.









Thank you, that means a lot.


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## SomethingAnonymous (Feb 13, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vrclay* 
As a general rule I erase all forwarded emails from my FIL without even oppening them. After 2 or 3 rants about immigration, liberal leaning govt, etc, I just decided I'd spare myself the hateful stuff. Maybe something to consider...

Yeah it is a good idea. I already have a filter for all emails with FWD in them. Maybe I will have to filter out her email completely. The weird thing is that I send her emails about what the kids have been up to, with a few pictures- and she never responds. She doesn't call us. But yet, I get fwd emails every day from her.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

There have always been drug problems. Most people are just too set on what the "remember" things were to remember what was really happening. The main drug just changes. Meth now, before that it was X, and before that Heroin, and before that LSD... really it goes back a long way.

I do remember someone saying to me once when that thing cropped up again, as it is want to do every few years. "I had all those drug problems, end still ended up with the other kind of drug problem."


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## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SomethingAnonymous* 
The weird thing is that I send her emails about what the kids have been up to, with a few pictures- and she never responds. She doesn't call us. But yet, I get fwd emails every day from her.

My dad's wife had me on her mailing list for a while. She'd forward mostly religious stuff. I just ignored them and eventually she stopped sending stuff.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LionTigerBear* 
Umm, hello, the generation born in the 50s and 60s had major drug problems . . . they are also, in my opinion and the opinion of many analysts, the most self-absorbed and non-family-oriented generation yet*. I think people set up this idea of the "good old days" but honestly, there was no such thing.

*ETA: and very materialistic and consumeristic . . .

gee thanks for the generalization about my generation.


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
gee thanks for the generalization about my generation.

Oh, I could make a sharp critique of my own generation, too.







The point is, there are no "good old days". No saintly generations that I can think of in recent history. Well, the Greatest Generation came closer, but they had an Occasion to rise to.


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SomethingAnonymous* 
I guess it was good for this email to reveal how they both feel about it. I was hit and punished in a lot of bad ways as a kid, and the email just really seemed to bring that trauma to the surface for me. It's very hard for me to see anything like this and not get tears in my eyes. Maybe it was a joke, I don't know. After getting some more information about MIL though- it sounds like this was exactly her kind of parenting.

I completely understand. At my last job I had a coworker who would occasionally talk about how "back in the day we got the belt, and it was good for us!" Thankfully never to me, but loud enough so anyone within 50ft could hear. I'd have to go hide in the backroom and calm down for a bit whenever it happened, because it would trigger me so bad with memories and flashbacks. Unfortunately I never did find a good way to address the issue. i wish I'd had a snappy comeback so I didn't have to worry about it. Hugs.


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