# Miscarriage



## Julie Heggen (May 10, 2002)

As I was reading some tonight I was thinking back to my early 20's. I had a miscarriage at 4 months with twins when I was younger. I have never really dealt with any of it or allowed myself to feel the pain and loss. I'm not sure why. My family said after I miscarried "it's for the best" I will NEVER ever forget those words, I was crushed and felt so hurt and betrayed by my own mother. I now have a beautiful daughter who would not be here if I had not had my miscarriage, I know that. I'm so blessed to have her as my daughter. I still wonder and then feel guilty feeling sad about the twins. I feel like I'm turning my back on Zoey by thinking what could have been. It's not like I don't want her, I feel like she may think that though (if she were older). Zoey is the best thing that ever happened in my life a wonderful person for our world. I cry just talking with her and she asks why, I just love her so much, someday she'll understand when she has kids. And my Mom said "it's amazing how much you can love your child" after I had her. Why would she make that terrible comment after I had my miscarriage? Why didn't I demand to hold the? Burry them? have closure? Why? I have never wrote or put much thought into what happened that day and I'm glad I am able to do that now. Thank you for letting me get this (part of my feelings
out)
Peace to all,
Julie


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Julie,

Thank you so much for sharing with us. The think I've found with greif is that it's patient and will wait for you. Your seeing that now.

It sounds like you have some things to resolve with the loss of your babies. Please feel free to post here and discuss them.

I'm going to move this thread to 'Pregnancy and Birth Loss' because I think you'll get some good information over there.

I wish you gentleness.


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## moonglowmama (Jan 23, 2002)

Julie,
I'm so glad you are able to share your feelings and grief here.

It is so difficult to lose a child. I've found it helpful to mentally put myself in the position of having 3 children, though only my son is living. It isn't so mucha matter of having either your twins or your daughter, you don't have to choose. You are the mother to all of them. You always will be. it is ok to love them all.

Have you considered making a memory garden, maybe putting a statuary in it? It is something your daughter could help you with, and could help to bond, to grieve.

My husband and I bought a Christmas tree ornament for our son who's living last year (his first Christmas) and realized that we had never done this simple act for our son who died at 7 weeks gestation several years ago. So this year we will buy a special ornament for him and our daughter who died at 12 weeks gestation, something that symbolizes an aspect of our love for them. It feels right to us to acknowledge the lives of all our children.

Sarah


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