# Girl growing up with just brothers?



## EllieB (Nov 14, 2003)

So we found out last week that our third child will be a boy. We will have girl, boy, boy- they will all be two years apart. We are not planning on having any more children. I have no personal problem w/ having another boy as I wasn't hoping for one or the other...BUT ever since I found out I have felt really sorry for dd, she wanted a sister and now she won't have one.

This is only reinforced by the people who tell me how wonderful it will be for my ds to have a brother so close in age and how tight the two of them will be. I have gone so far as to consider adopting a girl so she will have a sister, which I know is not the greatest reason for adoption and anyway, dh is totally against 4 so I don't think that'll happen. I am not very close with either of my two sisters so I'm surprised how strongly I feel about dd's lack of sisterhood.

Anyone have any experiences- your own or your kids to share? I am interested how only girls fare as far as playing with the boys, being included by them, picked on them....do the boys have a stronger bond due to gender or not in your experience? TIA!!


----------



## zaftigmama (Feb 13, 2004)

I know exactly how you feel. I really wanted my second child to be a girl, so my daughter would have a sister. I am very, very close with my sister and I can't imagine my dd not having a similar bond. We're trying to conceive number three, and since I have one of each I don't have a gender preference for this one. One of my kids will have a same gender sibling, one won't.

Right now my daughter is surrounded by boys. She has 4 boy cousins and a brother. She's a great kid, very spirited, and very able to take care of herself. I don't know if this is because she's with older boys a lot, or if it's just her personality.

I brought this topic up a friend who has 3 brothers. She says she loved growing up with her brothers, and of course doesn't have anything to compare it to. She remembers at times wishing she had a sister, but overall she loves her brothers, is close to them, and says she didn't find herself intimidated by men, ever. She also says no one ever picked on her, because they knew she had three brothers, and guys who dated her were pretty respectful. Again, who knows if this is the only reason, but she thinks so.

Now she is very close to two of her sisters-in-law and her nieces and nephews. She says that she certainly remembers wishing for a sister to share clothes with or tell secrets to, or to play with someone who didn't find burping to be the funniest thing ever. But she wouldn't change her family. That gives me hope for my daughter!

I wonder if you were hoping your dd would have a sister so she could have a better relationship with her than you did with your sister? I feel like all my parenting choices and dreams for kids are either based on what I loved about my life or the exact opposite - what I wished I did, or what I would like to change.

Good luck!


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

I have three sisters. My SIL has only brothers. She was glad to get sisters through marriage, while I would have traded my sisters for hamsters.
We always wonder about what we don't have.

I guess that wasn't much help, but you just don't know how things will turn out. You could have sisters who are tight or sisters who don't speak. Sisters who are intense rivals or sisters who are best friends. Its a gamble. Your dd may very well be glad when she gets to be a teen and no one is borrowing her clothes. And your sons may marry women who become the sisters she never had.


----------



## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

I grew up with only brothers. The only big thing it meant to me was that I always got along really, really well with boys. Guys. And then men.


----------



## magnoliablue (Dec 29, 2002)

My dd is surrounded with brothers..2 of her own and 2 future steps,lol. She has not complained yet. I felt good about it after our third, because it placed her in the middle, but she has the fact she is the only girl to make up for being the middle child. (though I really never fed into the so called "middle child syndrome")
She has a lot of personality and is all girl..she is on a competition dance team and cheerleads and sings, and yes..she likes boys already.
Sometimes she says she wishes she had a sister, but I don't think it really bothers her, and in my own experience, my girlfriends growing up with sisters had a love/hate relationship..especially my best friend,lol. So far my dd gets along very well with both her brothers, and since we do not have the issues of sharing clothes,etc...we won't have those typical sibling fights.


----------



## Calm (Sep 17, 2004)

I have four brothers. Yes, four. And I wouldn't change it for the world. I felt special. I never wanted a sister, still don't - I have friends. No, I wouldn't worry about it.


----------



## Hey Mama! (Dec 27, 2003)

I have 3 brothers, two who grew up with me. Honestly, I never missed having a sister, in fact I was downright glad I didn't have one! It seemed that all my girlfriends with sisters were always fighting with them, or saying how much they hate them, etc. Plus, I think that sisters tend to compete with each other, especially if they are close in age.

Now that I am older a sister would be nice to have, but I have a friend that is like a sister to me, we have been through all the major life changes together.

I have two girls only 2 years apart and I am so worried about our future holds with them, how they will interact with each other, etc.


----------



## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

Ditto

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merpk*
I grew up with only brothers. The only big thing it meant to me was that I always got along really, really well with boys. Guys. And then men.


----------



## MamaBug (Jun 13, 2003)

Sorry if this is a repeat as I didn't read all the replies yet. I am the only girl with two younger brothers. I too was VERY disappointed when my dad called from the hospital and said it was a boy, I already had a brother who was 2 years younger then me. However over the years I developed a very close bond with that youngest silbing, I even named my first child after him. My brother and I played together all the time, I was not teased and if I was both my brothers stuck up for me. We were called the tag team, we went everywhere together. I played tackle football on the lawn with them and their friends and then went and had a tea party with mine, this is before all the gender neutral stuff :LOL As we got older and I did more girly/academic things we weren't as close, but as adults we are again. My middle brother is actually the one who is basically not on the same page as us.

I think that as long as you foster good bonds while they are growing up gender does not matter. My mother didn't do this at all, in fact she pitted me and the middle brother against each other constantly. I have done the opposite with my boys. From the moment the baby was born his older brother loved him more then life. They hate to be apart and always make sure the other is included or thought of. The love they share is the most wonderful thing that I have seen as a mother and I would like to think that some of it is because of how theywere raised. I think your dd will be fine, just make sure you emphasis how special it is to be the oldest, the only girl, the leader of the 3 muskeeters and maybe gently guide her brothers to see her as special as well. My boys both beg for me to have another ( would love to but it's just not happening) and they both ask for a sister so I think that your dd will do just fine!

Edited to add that I too get along great with men and I do think it is because I grew up with brothers. Also a brother is a great person to ask for advice on the opposite sex! :LOL


----------



## Copper (May 4, 2004)

I am the oldest of three, having two brothers one 4 years younger and one 6 years younger than me.
I never longed for a sister. My friends complained about their sisters stealing their clothes, makeup what-have-you.
I pretty much always got along with my brothers. I can remember my youngest brother coming into my room and wanting to watch t.v. with me and I would let him and play with both of the, their racetracks, what have you. When my friends and I played with our barbies, my little brother wanted to be the pizza delivery boy. He loves when I remind him about that one! :LOL
That said, when I got married (going on 12 years now-they were both in the wedding party) and when both of them got married, my husband and I were both asked to stand up.
The youngest got married last August, it was me, dh and dd was the flower girl.
My husband had an older sister, and another brother, they never talk, never call, or really bother with each other. Heck his brother lives an hour away from where we live now and it has been almost 2 years and they have never bothered to call or invite us over or get together and they are only 2 years apart and we all get along (myself and SIL) so I guess every family is different. But you know most guys are not phone talkers but since we moved I know that they will call me or I will call both or at least talk to one every week via email and or the phone.
The only time it might have been nice to have a sister is now, when I am married and have a child. But I do have two cousins that are a few years apart and all they did was compete with their weddings, kids, how many, how close, for my aunt's attention, bigger houses, it is always a competition. I feel sorry for them. Perhaps one day they will get over it.
I am excited as the youngest one called a few minutes ago and asked if the date they picked to come visit will work out with us- he has been here to visit since we moved, this will be his first time with his wife and we are looking forward to their visit. I love my brothers.


----------



## kthreekids (Jul 28, 2004)

I have one dd (9) and two ds (6 1/2 and 2)
My daughter LOVES being the only girl. She adores her two brothers! I agree with the other poster...it all depends on the bonds they make!
I think initially dd was a bit disappointed bc she wanted a living breathing doll to have around the house








BUT....the boys treat her like a queen and she really looks out for them.

I grew up with one sibling, a brother, and I named my dd after him. She can create close friendships and have her brothers to love as siblings.
K


----------



## grnbn76 (Mar 3, 2004)

I am the oldest of 4, with three younger brothers.
I did want a sister when I was younger, but just for those material type things...clothes, make up, hair, etc. I, also, have always gotten along well with boys/men. I've always been one of the guys.
My dd is the oldest of 4, with three younger brothers. She considers herself the queen of the siblings (much as I did). She was upset about not getting a sister in the sibling roulette, but she has handled it quite well.
I can only hope for her that she can be as lucky as I have been. I have wonderful relationships with my brothers. And I have found my sister in a best friend's face. (even better, IMO, because we didn't have to grow up hating each other)


----------



## magster (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elphaba*
, while I would have traded my sisters for hamsters.


BTDT, Elphaba. :LOL
Oh, no, wait. I still have my sister.








I am much closer to my brother though, EllieB. Maybe your DD will enjoy being the only girl in the shuffle (and the eldest on top of that!).


----------



## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

Yes, having 4 girls in a house with one bathroom was horrible. I never got to pee or poop or shower alone until I went to college. It was a revelation. :LOL OF course now I'm back to having no privacy, but somehow I don't mind as much when its my adorable daughter and not my hateful sisters.


----------



## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I have only brothers and we're all very close. I honestly think I'd've seen a sister as compitition (hey, I'm not proud of it but it's the truth).


----------



## whateverdidiwants (Jan 2, 2003)

I had 2 older brothers and never wanted a sister at all. The second brother and I are very very close (only 18 months apart) - so much that he was my Best Man at my wedding, and he lived with my dh and I for a year after we got married.









As an adult, I sometimes wish I related to other women better, that having a sister would have made me more adept at the nuances of how women communicate (especially since I work in a department of 10 women







), but that's really all I feel I missed.


----------



## EllieB (Nov 14, 2003)

Hey, thanks a lot you guys, I am going to have to print this out so when I start obsessing about this situation again I'll feel better! I am closer to my brother also than either of my sisters so I do think on some level I am wanting dd to have something I didn't have. I am trying to think of her being the "only girl" as a positive and special thing for her rather than a lack. Now if people would just stop making the "how close the boys will be" and "your daughter will need a sister now" comments, I could move on maybe!


----------



## Laurel (Jan 30, 2002)

I am the oldest and only girl with 4 younger brothers. Growing up, I wanted a sister very badly. When my youngest brother was born and I found out he was a boy, I cried. As a teenager, I was envious of the close sister-relationships I saw (however, I think most of them were far more complex than I realized and not all the sunshine and roses that I envisioned).

As an adult, I love being the only girl. I've always had an extra-close relationship with my mom, and now I"m glad there was no sister to infringe on that. (My mom was also the only girl with four older brothers.) I do agree with the poster who mentioned that having had a sister might have helped her in relating to other women. I always had (and still have) a hard time making friends. The best perk for me growing up was that I always had my own bedroom! My brothers had to share (at one time they were 4 to a room), but once the youngest was out of toddlerhood, I always had my own room. I was never picked on because I was the oldest.

The one thing I think that I still experience that stems from being the only girl is that I have a huge desire to have a daughter of my own.


----------



## idocrase (Dec 17, 2003)

I'm also the oldest, with two younger brothers. I really, really, really wanted the youngest brother to be a sister. But I love him most of all, and we're still really close. Now I wouldn't trade him for anything. Kids learn to love the siblings they've got, I think.














And I knew that I was treated a little "special" because I was the only girl.


----------

