# I delivered my baby girl on Saturday



## 2sweetboysmom (Aug 1, 2006)

Friday night while we were at a Sunday school potluck dinner, I began to notice my backache from all day was beginning to feel like labor. Around 7 pm I realized it was definitely contractions, and regular too.
I went to the hospital after I had been contracting for about 4 hours, and was starting to get some bloody show. With my history of hemorrhage, and being nearly 2 weeks since fetal demise was diagnosed, they admitted me. They placed a 100mcg Cytotec and DH and I went to bed. It was a double room but they were not busy so DH actually got to sleep in the other bed. The entire staff was really wonderful the whole time.
They gave me another 100mcg Cytotec Saturday morning. My contractions got closer together, about 4-5 minutes apart, and were more organized feeling. The Cytotec fell out nearly un-dissolved 2.5 hours after they had placed it, I could still read the imprint. So those increasing contractions were mostly me. My water broke at 11:50am, and our baby's body was born at 11:55.
Like last time, my placenta did not know when to call it quits. I started pouring blood, this time there was the addition of fist size clots too. By 12:30 it was obvious that I needed a D&C for the placenta. I signed a bunch of consent forms, including one for transfusion. By then I was so shaky and foggy from the then strong contractions and blood loss, I had to work to remember how to sign my own name. I could not tell if I was slipping into labor land or blood loss land, but I was trying to not let Dh see how bad off I was, he was obviously very scared already. We said I love yous and I tried to give him ideas of things to do to pass the time so he would not just sit and worry. My nurses then took me down the hall to surgery.
I hate general! but it was my only option because I had not taken an epidural for the contractions, and it was now a 'hurry up' sort of thing. In the few moments they were prep-ing me, I was praying God would give my husband peace and a quiet heart, and that for DH's sake this would not get any more dramatic. The anesthesiologist asked me to tell her what our plans were for our first anniversary coming up in a month, as she placed the mask on my face. So I told her we were going to the same place in Big Bear where we spent our 48-hour honeymoon, but the whole time I was still praying for DH with tears rolling down my cheeks.
My very first thought as I came to even before I was aware of my surroundings was "I'm empty. There is no life in me anymore. There is no baby coming to join our family." Again the tears started rolling. My next thought, and the first words out of my mouth were "How did the placenta look? Any obvious clots, problems, calcifications?" The Dr told me he had sent it to pathology for an exam. The next thing I said was to the nurses as they were about to move me from operating table to the gurney "Do be careful of your backs, I weigh 220." They told me to not worry. And then I was asleep again.
I woke up again in my room, and for the first time I opened my eyes, I saw DH first. I was so glad he had survived the waiting, though he looked even more worried now.( I was told later that the sheets had more color than I did at that moment.) I smiled as much as I could and gently chided him and told him I was just fine and not to be so worried. I noticed the clock showed 1:45 and I was glad that I was back a bit sooner than the Dr had estimated.
*Then I went and made it all even more dramatic*.
I suddenly felt horrible. I have never felt so nauseated, I was instantly dripping sweat, and I was so hot. I was also getting massive after-pains, which rivaled transition with a 'sunnyside-up' baby. My bp fell to 70/30, my heart rate was 40, and my O2 sats were in the low 90. I felt so weak and tired and heavy, I could hardly find the energy to breathe. (My skin, I am told, was gray.) They gave me a total of 3 shots of epinephrine, and 100% oxygen on full over the next 30 minutes to keep me relatively stable. Though I was still setting all of the alarms off, but only just below the programmed thresholds. I also took several shots of something for the after-pains. They checked my hemoglobin, 9.4 (it had been 12.4 when I was admitted to the hospital 16 hours earlier). Although I definitely could have used it, the decision was made to not give me a transfusion. They felt, though it may be slow, that I would recover from the blood loss ok because my hemoglobin was so good coming in. I was glad to have not needed it. This is summer in So Cal, a notorious time for low reserve in the blood banks; I knew someone would need it more than I did.

A few hours later I was finally up to seeing our baby&#8230;our second child together and my first daughter (that I know of,) a little bitty thing. We got some good pictures this time, something I really regret from Michael's loss. She had a cleft in her chin like me, small nose and short fingers like her daddy, and the sweetest little mouth. We named her Providence, which means, the direction of God. While we cannot for the life of us figure out what He is doing, and especially why He would allow this twice in one year, we still trust that despite the pain it is all for the best. Our babies are in His arms, and will never know anything less than perfect love.
Oh, but I miss them. I so wish I could have them to hold. My heart physically aches. No one should have to bury their baby, and definately not twice in a year. Please, please, Lord let our next baby be one who lives, one I can hold and love and be their mommy.
















I was released Sunday morning after my midnight blood draw came back as 12.2 hemoglobin. I still felt really awful, but assumed it was residual general anesthesia in my system, or the shots of pain med I took for the after pains&#8230;after all they had documented my hemoglobin at 12.2 right?? Interesting note- I was not bleeding from the D&C at this point (I figured "great! Sure beats the 6 week bleed last time")

Monday afternoon when I still could not stand up without the world spinning and usually blacking out, and with uncontrollable shivering in an 80-degree house, my mother took me back to the hospital. We had tried everything we could think of. I was eating and keeping down normal amounts of real food. I was drinking lots of water and electrolytes (hot to try to control the shivering) so much fluids that my pee was virtually colorless.
Well, at the hospital we found my blood volume so low that they literally had to use a syringe to pull blood out to test my hemoglobin, which as it turns out was only 8.0 (not taking in to account the low volume, so actually even somewhat lower than that) Turns out I needed that blood after all. Two units of O+ and two liters of iv fluids later I nearly felt human again&#8230;And I started bleeding again from the d&c (turns out I just did not have the blood to bleed before) I still am not good for much, am very weak, and occasionally still black out. I feel like a rag doll, but a few more days of floridix and all of my vitamins should begin to fix that. Postpartum hemorrhage twice in 7 months is a doozy.









I know this was long, thanks if you read this far.


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## PinkinPA (Feb 26, 2007)

The only thing that I can say to you is that I'm praying for you and your family.


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## ladyjools (May 25, 2009)

you have similar experince to what i went through losing Samson, (((((((hugs))))))

it makes me angry to think that this can happen to someone more than once, its so very unfair, i admire that you can still have faith,
and i really hope that your next baby is one that stays here on earth with you

thankyou for sharing your story

Jools


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)

*hug*


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## ckberkey (Jan 7, 2006)

God Bless You. Crying with you Mama


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh no. Ohhhh no.







I'm so sorry. So very very sorry.
















Providence







:


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)




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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I am so sorry this happened again... and a traumatic delivery on top of it.









I really have no words... It's just so unfair









You're in my prayers, mama. Peace and healing and strength~~
















Providence, such a beautiful name.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I am so sorry, mama. Please be gentle with yourself. I hope you next one stays also (((HUGS)))


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

Many, many








My thoughts are with you and Providence.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Oh mama. I'm so very sorry.







My heart goes out to you and your family.
















Providence


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

Oh Joy I'm so very sorry.







You know that your family is in my prayers and I'm here if you need anything at all.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your losses.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Providence.

I am so very, very sorry that you have had to go through this horrible thing again. Your baby girl has a beautiful name. I wish you swift physical healing and gentle emotional recovery.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Oh mama I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for your family


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## William's Mom (Oct 6, 2004)




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## MFuglei (Nov 7, 2002)

I'm so sorry. I don't even know what else to say.


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## tinynyota (Apr 13, 2009)

Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss. This is horrible and it's NOT FAIR!!! You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

I am so sorry....it's so unfair...so wretchedly unfair.


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.







Praying for you, your little one, and family.


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## KeyToMamasHeart (May 1, 2009)

i am so so so sorry mama. *hugs* my heart goes out to you tonight.
xo


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## moonInLion (Mar 1, 2009)

oh mama. I am so sorry.


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