# Loss of one twin - second trimester



## Stream (Jul 12, 2004)

Yesterday, we had our "big" ultrasound-- the anatomical scan. A big deal anyway, maybe made more emotional by the fact that I am a surrogate carrier and the babies' mama (who I love) flew in from out of state to attend and see her babies for the first time. We've had a charmed pregnancy-- transferred two embryos via IVF and both stuck on the first time. Cruised through the first trimester (including a detailed first tri u/s screen, where everything looked great), met with the homebirth midwife yesterday and were excited to embark on that journey.

Obviously things didn't work out the way we thought, or I wouldn't be here.

Twin A died sometime in the past 1-2 weeks. The baby is curled up in a ball at the bottom of my uterus. It's already begun some swelling/shrinking, so the measurements aren't accurate anymore (by measurements, the baby was 15w+, but I had an appointment at 16w and we heard two heartbeats... of course, now I question whether they were definitely distinct. We'll never know.)

I am devasated. And of course, the mom is devastated. We've cried and cried. Last night was bad and today was worse, as the shock wore off. I'm mourning the loss of the baby, but also the loss of "the twins." I know the mom and her family have another level of grief that I'll be unable to comprehend, but mine is staggering. It's enough.

And then I have a healthy boy rolling around. I haven't felt much movement up until now, but since the news, he's been rockin' and rollin', as if to tell us "I'm still here!" But right now the sadness overwhelms the gratitude for baby boy. I trust that will change. I know we need to say good bye to the twins and move forward-- or start fresh-- as a singleton pregnancy.

Twin A will not dissolve and I will deliver its remains (fetus papyraceus) in August along with the surviving twin. The "creepiness" factor of carrying a dead twin for the next 4-5 months is actually sitting ok with me-- it doesn't bother me. But the sadness? Dead babies are sad and I'm carrying a physical reminder of that all the time. I know the pain will dull, but I can't think about even the healthy baby right now without confronting the fact that his dead sibling is there with him. Sad, sad, sad.

I did a quick search, but would love to hear from anyone who had a later-stage single twin loss. From everything I read, it's extremely rare. Lucky us. I really am most interested in hearing about the remainder of the pregnancy and the delivery of the fetal remains, if you dealt with that.

Thanks.


----------



## lovebeingamomma (Mar 16, 2007)

I have no advice or experience with that type of loss. Just wanted wanted to say how sorry I am you're going through this







*hugs*


----------



## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth website might be a good place to start.

http://www.climb-support.org/

Sorry for your loss.


----------



## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I don't have the same experience but wanted to say how sorry I am for you and for the parents of these precious babies.


----------



## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

My SIL lost one twin at some point in the 2nd trimester. I don't think they ever found out why; it happened over 20 yrs ago. I know she didn't end up carrying to term because there was some concern about the baby who died possibly negatively affecting the surviving twin as her body deteriorated. She ended up having a c-section due to complications and premature birth. The birth was also quite complicated emotionally for my SIL because she was simultaneously celebrating the birth of her son while grieving the loss of her daughter. They had a funeral for her a few days after they were born. My SIL went on to have 2 more children after this with no complications.


----------



## loveneverfails (Feb 20, 2009)

I lost one of our twins this November when I had H1N1, around 14 weeks, but also went into the mid pregnancy anatomy scan expecting to see two babies and finding out there was only one. However, he was completely gone and reabsorbed by the time I had the "big" ultrasound at 18 weeks.

And we know it was a 14 week-ish loss, because literally the day before I got extremely sick I had two heartbeats in two very different ranges. After that I got two heart beats, but same range.

The shock is definitely enough to knock you sideways. Just be gentle with yourself.


----------



## shivaleela (Jan 16, 2011)

I just want to share my experience on losing of one of the twin at 16 weeks. It came as a shock when went for a regular ultrasound checkup and infact we were about to find out the sex of the babies. They could not say the reason why the heart beat had stopped for one of the twin. Other baby was doing fine and there on I was asked to come for ultrasound every two weeks. I cant explain the anxiety I went thru the entire pregnancy as I was under risk of premature delivery of the other baby because of the one I lost. I had hypermesis the entire pregnancy and was on Zofran the entire pregnancy and severe heartburn and was taking zanatac and nexium. Pregnancy was extremely tough but guess what finally the miracle has happened in our lives. God has listened to our prayers. My son was born past due (40 weeks 2 days) after inducing and is born healthy and had a normal delivery. He weighed 6 lbs 15 oz and mesured 20 inches. Other baby was completely absorbed by 28 weeks and they no more could see in the sac. When I delivered the traces of the other baby were may be part of the placenta. So, all those people who have been going thru the similar situation please keep up your spirits and pray and you will see a miracle happening to you too!


----------



## amaayeh (Jan 26, 2008)

I was a twin and my twin was lost sometime around 14-15 weeks. This was over 30 years ago and they just told my mom it would reabsorb. Back then (and probably sometimes now), the doctor just told her there were two placentas and two sacs, but no baby. I guess we will never know for sure, but she carried me full term without complication and had a normal, vaginal delivery.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to all of you.


----------

