# Can they even sit at the table at 2?? Help me tell dh they cant!



## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Dh thinks ds(2) should sit at the table while we eat and not get down for a while. He gets really frustrated when ds is running around while we eat and ends up blaming me telling me i havent *taught*him well.







: To me, ds is 2. He eats and hes done its time to move on. Any ideas?Or am I wrong?


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

some can, some can't...depends on the child...sounds like you have one that can't yet.

I know my dd is good for about 15 minutes and always has been...we go to a restaurant and we walk around until we sit, then we order, walk around a bit and show her things until the food comes, then we sit her in the chair..after about 15minutes she's antsy...but usually we are done eating then...if desert is there she will eat that for a while...she was like this at two but we have gotten many many comments from parents how their child wouldn't sit like that at that age.

good luck...

eta..this can be taught but not until he's ready


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## happyfrog (Aug 12, 2004)

My toddler is 2. I bought a wooden highchair at a recent auction and it works GREAT as a booster style chair - it's higher seating than a 'regular' chair, but he doesn't have a high chair tray in front of him separating him from the family table.

He sits and eats wtih us at meals. He stays at the table til he is excused (he'll sign 'may i be excused') or til the dinner bible reading (one chapter) is done.

He's always sat at the table with us as soon as he was big enough, so it was gradual for him. his little brother is now doing similarly.

I would suggest maybe gradually encouraging toddler to stay at table longer - maybe let him color or something - to get him used to the idea??

((hugs)) I think it's all about what works best for your family, personally. I just got in the habit with ds at table from 'the beginning' so it hasn't been a hard transition to stay at table. Sure, there are some nights, ds doesn't want to stay at all, and if it's a big hassle, I let him go play instead, but those are rarer and rarer anymore. (Now watch, the next 2 weeks, he'll do that and not sit at table, lol.)

My son still isn't able to sit in church services - and I've seen other 2 year olds that can. Each child is different. Work with your child's uniqueness.

It'll be rare if he's unable to sit at table when he's 18. . .









BettyAnn


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Thanks mamas. Dh really upset me today as he yelled as ds and we are very GD and it broke my heart.







: Thats where this came into play. He has always sat in a chair at the table, but he just gets down too soon. I am going to work on it, I guess it just wasnt a big deal to me, so I didnt really see it as a problem until today. Thanks for the hugs too!!:


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## faithnj (Dec 19, 2004)

I dunno. I don't require my DD to sit at the table, so she sits there with us as long as she wants to. And frankly, she stays a pretty long time. Seems she likes our company! LOL! But when she doesn't want any more food-- she says "All done!" And if she wants to get down or out, she says done or out. I dont' think this really helps you......But what I do want to say is if you can show DH all the things your son does that are agreeable to DH, perhaps you can convince him to let DS slide on the table thing until he's older??? I mean, I've got so many positive things to say about my DD....when my DH is frustrated with some one thing-- I try to remind him of all the good things she does, and it usually gets him to relax on the things like she still makes a lot of messes for fun.

Faith


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

My DD was taught pretty much from "birth" that we eat at the table so yes she sat with us at two, but yea when shes done shes done. now we do work with her on not doing the lick a roll and say done and run off







but ifs she eatten then shes done. shes well done I wont make her wait while DH and I discuss problems in the Middle East for an hour. Were just now (3.5 plus) teaching to ask to be excused its a work in progress though


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## MamaTaraX (Oct 5, 2004)

My oldest sat the table for dinner at 2. My middle just tuend 3 and has been sitting at the table for a long time. They do get up and it's okay when they do. When they are older I have them say "May I please be excused from the table?" but not when they are two









Namaste, Tara


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Well... I still don't sometimes







DD sometimes does sometimes doesn't. Dh sometimes... well you catch the drift.

To me if the family meal is to be a bonding time, then it should not be "forced" bonding, yk?

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details







)


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details )
to ask for an excuse has multiple reasons we teach our child to ask permission to be excused like in the bolded part.. At three this permession comes in several forms actually saying May I be excused please comes out more TA SUZ Please, may times she say simpily Done down please and thats fine by me.

Quote:

ex·cuse (ĭk-skyūz') pronunciation
tr.v., -cused, -cus·ing, -cus·es.

1.
1. To explain (a fault or an offense) in the hope of being forgiven or understood: He arrived late and excused his tardiness in a flimsy manner.
2. To apologize for (oneself) for an act that could cause offense: She excused herself for being late.
2.
1. To grant pardon to; forgive: We quickly excused the latecomer.
2. To make allowance for; overlook: Readers must excuse the author's youth and inexperience. See synonyms at forgive.
3. To serve as justification for: Brilliance does not excuse bad manners.
4. To free, as from an obligation or duty; exempt: In my state, physicians and lawyers are excused from jury duty.
_*5. To give permission to leave; release: The child ate quickly and asked to be excused.*_


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irinam*
Well... I still don't sometimes







DD sometimes does sometimes doesn't. Dh sometimes... well you catch the drift.

To me if the family meal are to be a bonding time, then it should not be "forced" bonding, yk?

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for? I thought "excuse me" was used when you did something to upset somebody (not a sarcastic comment, honest, I am a "transplant" in this culture and still working out the details







)

I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

DD is 18 months and has no problem sitting at the table with the rest of the family. She enjoys it. She's also a little piggy and can out-eat the rest of the family if we'd let her, so that helps.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Mine sat at the table pretty well. Like others have said, she seemed to enjoy the time we were all together, but she was free to come and go as she pleased. It helped to have a chair (Kinderzeat) for us that she could get herself in and out of. The adults in the family don't ask each other to be excused so we don't expect our now 3.5 yo to do it. But we will ocaisionally ask each other - do you mind if I go upstairs to finish something while you're still eating. The spouse is always free to say, yes, I do mind. I'd really like to talk to you or for us to be together a little longer.

Asking to be excused is somethting some children to do for parents, but it's not something practiced in my house. I think it used to be more common in the past and is probably used more in the south today. I grew up in the North East and while we were expected to sit at the table and be polite, we never asked to be excused.


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## ShaggyDaddy (Jul 5, 2006)

my wife and I are 26. We can't sit still for a 15 minute dinner.

Oh and also we are not ADD, we just value our time more than others.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Our 12 month old has always been involved with family meals. Even if he wasn't nursing often I would still hold him in my arms while I ate. He definitely has a "time limit" on how long he will "sit still", or at least sit without screaming to be let down from his high chair. We respect this, and when he wants out of his chair, I let him down and he will crawl around under the table or go play with something. Some people are bothered by this, but we're not. And when we're at a restaurant, it doesn't matter if dh and I haven't finished our meals, if DS is getting really antsy and showing us that he's done and wants to leave, we ask for the check and a few boxes and we go. I don't want my meal ruined by someone's crying, tired child, and I definitely would not force others around me to listen to it from my own child. I think you're right on target with handling your 2 year old


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.

It may be more a southern thing (I grew up in Texas) but here in my home yes she does need our permission just like I wouldn't expect her to just get up and leave a table at someone elses home. Its simpily a standard we have though I don't think its inappropiate weird or odd that another family does it diffrently.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Thanks for all replies! WOW! I have taken away many thoughts on this, and dh and I spoke about it and we have compromised, that yes, ds should sit at the table with us, but the time limit is small,10 mins no more than that. I will work on it with him, but I am in the process of potty learning right now, and I can only cross one bridge at a time! LOL Hey, he might be sitting at the table, and there may be a puddle of pee under him!


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## MoonJelly (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy*
I agree. I don't get the "can I be excused" bit either and won't be enforcing that in our home. By modeling, I trust that our daughter will eventually learn *socially acceptable* forms of leaving a table --- "excuse me" or "I am finished thanks" or whatever, but she doesn't need mine or dh's permission to leave the table.

That's pretty much how I look at it.

With the definition mentioned above, that's a great example of a dictionary giving a definition but not a reason.







And I am not even sure if that qualifies as a real definition. I find it sort of interesting and maybe a little disturbing the example used is children being asked to leave the table. I would be interested to know if they have any more examples that don't involve that scenario.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

I find it sort of interesting and maybe a little disturbing the example used is children being asked to leave the table. I would be interested to know if they have any more examples that don't involve that scenario.

Disturbing why? replace a child with an adult it still can work. I still when at anothers home.. Thank you for XX meal say please excuse me.. and while I'm no waiting for an "approval" so to say I do wait for an acknowlegment. I also ask my DD to ask permission simpily so I can clean her hands and face before shes let down to smear jelly or fruit juices all over everything.









Quote:

And I am not even sure if that qualifies as a real definition
Huh?? To give permession is simpily an approved defination clear in probably any dictionary. I simpily gave the text book defination to show excused can have diffrent meaning. What do you mean by a real definition?? I get that its not for your family fine but why is it disturbing for another????

Deanna


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## Luthien Arcamenel (Aug 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom*
It may be more a southern thing (I grew up in Texas) but here in my home yes she does need our permission just like I wouldn't expect her to just get up and leave a table at someone elses home. Its simpily a standard we have though I don't think its inappropiate weird or odd that another family does it diffrently.

I just didn't want you to feel alone here.
We do that to.
My children are not required to clean their plate, and they may leave the table whenever they like, but we do think that asking to be excused is simply good manners, and therefore our children always do that before they set off to do their things.
And we're not southern either.


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## MoonJelly (Sep 10, 2004)

I wasn't directing that personally toward you, octobermom. Sorry if you thought that. I just find it an interesting in a social commentary sort of way that the child asking to leave the table is the example. I also think that definition 5 is really the same as 4 and the fact that they are making a distinction is sort of amusing. Dictionaries are a reflection of the culture. Language is being created and changed all the time. I am a nerd who finds this noteworthy I guess.

As far as the adult versus child argument, that was not mine. Sorry if you took my post personally. I was just adding my thoughts and opinions along with everyone else here. I don't agree with the permission aspect of it. Sorry.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Yes we also don't requiree her to finish (heck I'm thrilled if something gets licked







) nor do I expect her to sit for long periods. Typically asking looks a bit like this.
mommy sa tuz please (yes thats what it sounds like right now)
Are you done?
Cecilia yes
(if I notice she liked something I might make one more offer of it)
okay here let me clean your hands and face (rub rub wipe wipe)
Okay you may leave please take your plate fork and glass to the sink and then go play Mommy and daddy are still eatting... Kiss
I'm also fine with alternitive ways of asking such as May I leave but the overall picture remains the same.


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## mom2evan (Feb 3, 2005)

We always sit down to dinner as a family, but the length of time DS spends at the table varies widely from night to night, depending on how tired he is, whether he likes what we are eating, and whether DH and I are talking with him or to each other. My only hard and fast rule is that I don't get up until I am ready. We encourage DS to bring puzzles to the table, to color, or to play independently in some other way until we are done.

I really enjoy mealtime, and it ruins my meal to struggle with DS over staying at the table. I may change my mind as he gets older, but I expect it will less of a struggle as he gets older, too.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MoonJelly*
I wasn't directing that personally toward you, octobermom. Sorry if you thought that. I just find it an interesting in a social commentary sort of way that the child asking to leave the table is the example. I also think that definition 5 is really the same as 4 and the fact that they are making a distinction is sort of amusing. Dictionaries are a reflection of the culture. Language is being created and changed all the time. I am a nerd who finds this noteworthy I guess.

As far as the adult versus child argument, that was not mine. Sorry if you took my post personally. I was just adding my thoughts and opinions along with everyone else here. I don't agree with the permission aspect of it. Sorry.









Oh don't worry I know it wasn't a personal attack. I do see a distinct diffrence between #4 and #5 though one is asking to be released from an obuglation as in to be excused for even starting. In the fifth and how we use it at home it signals that the obuglation is finished and asking permission to move on. While I can see some similarties I slso see them as very diffrent. Maybe because its just something I'm soo used to.

Quote:

I don't agree with the permission aspect of it. Sorry.
No need to applogize, its not for you nothing wrong with that, I just wondered what was so disturbing in having it required of another. Or even why the example was disturbing.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FEDUP*
Dh thinks ds(2) should sit at the table while we eat and not get down for a while. He gets really frustrated when ds is running around while we eat and ends up blaming me telling me i havent *taught*him well.







: To me, ds is 2. He eats and hes done its time to move on. Any ideas?Or am I wrong?


They are capable of sitting at the table at 2 years old. Not for a 14 course fancy dinner that takes 5 hours, but surely he can be taught to sit at the table for a short while.

My thing is, this is his child too. Why is he blaming only YOU?


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Our kids sit at the table with us and have from day 1 - unless they were sleeping - so they just know to expect it. We hold the newborns and eat until they are old enough to sit up on their own, then they sit in a booster with us at the table. Meal time is family time in our home.

So, dd is 2 and sits at the table wonderfully (she can sit there for 30 minutes without a fuss) and does the same at other homes. We don't require permission to leave the table because the kids are expected to sit until everyone is done (unless there is an emergency - poo diaper or something).

That's just the way we run our home. It is important to my dh especially that meal time remain a time for the whole family to get together because he works long hours and gets to see his kids very little some days.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta*
Our kids sit at the table with us and have from day 1 - unless they were sleeping - so they just know to expect it. We hold the newborns and eat until they are old enough to sit up on their own, then they sit in a booster with us at the table. Meal time is family time in our home.

So, dd is 2 and sits at the table wonderfully (she can sit there for 30 minutes without a fuss) and does the same at other homes. We don't require permission to leave the table because the kids are expected to sit until everyone is done (unless there is an emergency - poo diaper or something).

That's just the way we run our home. It is important to my dh especially that meal time remain a time for the whole family to get together because he works long hours and gets to see his kids very little some days.


I think that is wonderful. I cannot understand why anyone would think that way is somehow bad.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

DS is 3 and is just not the type of child to sit through a long dinner meal and I think he is too young and not worth the battle to force it KWIM?

For now, we are only doing Kid Friendly restaurants when DH and I want to sit down and enjoy a meal.

The best place where we won't feel bad if DS gets Antsy or Too Loud is Joe's Crab Shack. They have an attached kiddie playground to the restaurant and DH and I can watch DS play with the other kids while we enjoy our dinner.

Course, he ALWAYS finish before us.


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irinam*
To me if the family meal is to be a bonding time, then it should not be "forced" bonding, yk?

And can please somebody educate me on what exactly the kids ask to be "excused" for?

Yup. I see family dinner times as somehing the kids can count on. Mom and Dad will be there. Dinner will be there. It loses its magic if you require them to be there.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Quote:

My thing is, this is his child too. Why is he blaming only YOU?
that was my thing too, caused a BIGGIE fight.i was with my son 24/7 while dh worked so he blamed me! but now dh can help too now that he is home a lot more.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

Mom and Dad will be there. Dinner will be there. It loses its magic if you require them to be there.
No it doesn't and anyways If DD not sitting with us shes still "with us" as we have a dining living room combined and the bulk of her toys are stored in the living room, She most of the time could care less about the food and we do have to gently enforce meals because she will starve her self if left to her own (medical) so the magic really for us isn't an issue. There are lots of things we require that may change the picture but dont necerrarly take away from the enjoyment. I require my child not to go outside with out an adult, to walk beside me and not run off when we are shopping to help pick up her toys to help around the house to say please and thank you etc..

Quote:

My thing is, this is his child too. Why is he blaming only YOU?
I agree with this also this sounds like a standard he wants to enforce its not (assumming your not taking 5 hours to eat) an unreasonable request but he needs to play an active role in properly teaching his child. (no threats yelling punishments) He can't keep blaming you.

Deanna


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle*
I think that is wonderful. I cannot understand why anyone would think that way is somehow bad.

Thanks.


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

octobermom, when you quoted me you left out the part where I said, "I see family dinner times as..." There was no need to argue with me or defend what you do in your house. I just relayed how we do things in my house.

Peace.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *papayapetunia*
octobermom, when you quoted me you left out the part where I said, "I see family dinner times as..." There was no need to argue with me or defend what you do in your house. I just relayed how we do things in my house.

Peace.

I understand and I can see and respect that. I have said whats right for one family may not be for another. However I must have misread your words as they overall didnot indicate "in our family" you said

Quote:

if you require them to be there.
that to me sounds like if children in general are required and I simpily disagree from personal experience disagree. It doesn't however mean by any means 'My" way is best nope its just what we have decided. I'm sorry if I misread your post.


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

OMG. DH needs to understand -- and this helped me immensely too, BTW -- that 2 year olds do not have the impulse control to sit for long periods of time. Literally - it is physically impossible for many 2 year olds to exhibit the type of impulse control it would take for them to resist getting up, running around, playing with a toy, etc.

Can you try approaching it from that angle? Honestly - that really really helped me with my parental frustrations.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Mine have since birth (if awake). Until about 7 or 8 months old this usually means sitting in my lap though. My daycare children are all sitting through a meal by about 12 months. At 2 they are sitting pretty nicely (still lost of wiggles and giggles







) in just a booster chair. I think it's a very reasonable expectation. When they are done with their meal I let them down and clean up their plate. I usually get a good 15-20min out of them though.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FEDUP*
dh and I spoke about it and we have compromised, that yes, ds should sit at the table with us, but the time limit is small,10 mins no more than that.

You might have to be flexible on that too -- our kids usually sit for about 10 minutes, but some days our 2 year old just can't. Personally, I'd start with 5 min and then go from there.

IMO if dinner time is a pleasant time where you can talk to people, then the kids want to stay, but not until they're a bit older.


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom*
I understand and I can see and respect that. I have said whats right for one family may not be for another. However I must have misread your words as they overall didnot indicate "in our family" you said * that to me sounds like if children in general are required and I simpily disagree from personal experience disagree. It doesn't however mean by any means 'My" way is best nope its just what we have decided. I'm sorry if I misread your post.









Okay, I see what you mean.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *papayapetunia*
Okay, I see what you mean.









sometimes its hard to read someones intentions just by the words typed.


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## katsam (Mar 3, 2005)

We eat dinner together every night, and have always done so, but ds who is 2 usually does not sit throught the whole meal. He will eat and then get up and play. With his personality it would be a total battle for him to sit there until we all are done, but I have seen other toddlers in my mom's group do so.


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## MoonJelly (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta*
Our kids sit at the table with us and have from day 1 - unless they were sleeping - so they just know to expect it. We hold the newborns and eat until they are old enough to sit up on their own, then they sit in a booster with us at the table. Meal time is family time in our home.

So, dd is 2 and sits at the table wonderfully (she can sit there for 30 minutes without a fuss) and does the same at other homes. We don't require permission to leave the table because the kids are expected to sit until everyone is done (unless there is an emergency - poo diaper or something).

That's just the way we run our home. It is important to my dh especially that meal time remain a time for the whole family to get together because he works long hours and gets to see his kids very little some days.

You could substitute "floor time" for "meal time" in our house and it would be the same thing. DH and I both work so we don't see our daughter all day either. So every evening after we have eaten, we all play on the floor for a while. That's when we visit as a family. I imagine you could substitute any other bonding time as well--there is no rule that it has to be meal time. We actually prefer to limit the food association with family bonding in our home. We all get so much more out of play time than meal time, physically and emotionally, especially right now while DD is so young. When she's older and more interested in adult conversation maybe she will prefer to have a formal meal time and if so, we'll do so at that time.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MoonJelly*
You could substitute "floor time" for "meal time" in our house and it would be the same thing. DH and I both work so we don't see our daughter all day either. So every evening after we have eaten, we all play on the floor for a while. That's when we visit as a family. I imagine you could substitute any other bonding time as well--there is no rule that it has to be meal time. We actually prefer to limit the food association with family bonding in our home. We all get so much more out of play time than meal time, physically and emotionally, especially right now while DD is so young. When she's older and more interested in adult conversation maybe she will prefer to have a formal meal time and if so, we'll do so at that time.









ITA


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
The adults in the family don't ask each other to be excused so we don't expect our now 3.5 yo to do it. [...]

Asking to be excused is somethting some children to do for parents, but it's not something practiced in my house. I think it used to be more common in the past and is probably used more in the south today. I grew up in the North East and while we were expected to sit at the table and be polite, we never asked to be excused.

I grew up in the northeast and was expected to ask to be excused from the table, if I wanted to get up before everyone was finished. Similarly, as an adult, if I need to get up from the table to go to the bathroom, respond to a crying baby, check on something in the kitchen, etc., I say "Excuse me" to the people I'm eating with.

I intend to teach my daughter to ask to be excused, as part of the general "table manners package" with things like not eating until everyone is served. But I also can't see making manners into a discipline issue. I want to provide her with information about good manners, not struggle with her about achieving them.


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## Luthien Arcamenel (Aug 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rivka5*
I grew up in the northeast and was expected to ask to be excused from the table, if I wanted to get up before everyone was finished. Similarly, as an adult, if I need to get up from the table to go to the bathroom, respond to a crying baby, check on something in the kitchen, etc., I say "Excuse me" to the people I'm eating with.

I intend to teach my daughter to ask to be excused, as part of the general "table manners package" with things like not eating until everyone is served. But I also can't see making manners into a discipline issue. I want to provide her with information about good manners, not struggle with her about achieving them.

Absolutely. Again, we do not require eating all their food, or sitting at the table for an hour or so like the adults. But they do not start eating until everyone is seated, unless I tell them to please go ahead and start before it gets cold because I'm behind in the kitchen. And they ask to be excused when they're finished. I also feel that it's *part of the package* with "please pass the gravy" and "thank you for dinner". And as far as "asking", it doesn't last very long. My oldest at age eight is already transitioning to a polite "Thanks for dinner, it was delicious. Please excuse me." about 80% of the time from his younger "I'm finished, may I be excused?". I think there are things that it is unfair to expect from children, like eating everything on the table, and sitting for two hours through all the courses and conversation. On the other hand even young children are capable of simple becoming manners. Even when our boys were very young, they were capable of an adorable mis-pronounced "Done, thank you." to which I would say "You're welcome honey, you may get down and play now." I have seen no ill effects of this on their individuality or self-esteem, or anything else. All I see are happy children with lovely table manners who feel no pressure to eat the asparagus or suffer from boredom at the table.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lúthien Arcamenel*
Absolutely. Again, we do not require eating all their food, or sitting at the table for an hour or so like the adults. But they do not start eating until everyone is seated, unless I tell them to please go ahead and start before it gets cold because I'm behind in the kitchen. And they ask to be excused when they're finished. I also feel that it's *part of the package* with "please pass the gravy" and "thank you for dinner". And as far as "asking", it doesn't last very long. My oldest at age eight is already transitioning to a polite "Thanks for dinner, it was delicious. Please excuse me." about 80% of the time from his younger "I'm finished, may I be excused?". I think there are things that it is unfair to expect from children, like eating everything on the table, and sitting for two hours through all the courses and conversation. On the other hand even young children are capable of simple becoming manners. Even when our boys were very young, they were capable of an adorable mis-pronounced "Done, thank you." to which I would say "You're welcome honey, you may get down and play now." I have seen no ill effects of this on their individuality or self-esteem, or anything else. All I see are happy children with lovely table manners who feel no pressure to eat the asparagus or suffer from boredom at the table.


I think that is lovely.


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## faithnj (Dec 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *papayapetunia*
Yup. I see family dinner times as somehing the kids can count on. Mom and Dad will be there. Dinner will be there. It loses its magic if you require them to be there.

I think dinnertime loses it's magic if DD isn't there! (But maybe I'm misunderstanding what you wrote. Maybe you mean it loses it's magic if they feel harshly obligated to be at the table, or something???) Anyway, I'm glad she likes to sit at the dinner table with us. Perhaps she stays because she likes our company. Perhaps she stays because she likes to play with her food. I dunno. But it will be a sad day for me when DD no longer wants to participate in family meals with us. Sometimes we probably wouldn't bother eating at the dinner table if it wasn't for her! LOL!

(However, OP-- I think if your husband wants to try and establish a rule that you all eat your meals at the table together, he ought to be the one to handle that aspect of parenting. You are both equally parents, and you both have the right to pass onto your children what you think is important. I don't think it's fair if one parent's values always trumps the others. But you shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable forcing (or teaching) a custom that you don't value or think is important at this age. You have enough work to do of your own with your DD. If daddy wants DD to learn to stay at the table longer, then daddy should let DD know he wants her to be there. And for better or worse, that may have an effect on whether she's willing to stay at the table longer, or not.)

Faith


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## naturegirl7 (Jan 27, 2005)

Toddlers are grazers and should not be expected to sit still for any length of time. But at 2 she is old enough that you can start teaching her to ask to be excused when she is done - someting like validating that she is all done, and saying that she may be excused to play quietly. Try setting up a quiet activity beforehand such as coloring on the floor nearby or at the table while you finish.

DS is only 14m - but we have always brought his highchiar to the table with us. And moved him into a booster seat around 10m cuz he disliked the highchair. He loves sitting at the table and eating with us. He shares what is on his plate, helps himself to food off our plates, and yammers the entire time. It is a quality family time experience for us, more about being together than about food. But when he is done, he tells us all done, and makes the all done sign. Orginially he told us by trhwoing his plate onto the floor! But we redirected that into him signing "all done" and now he signs and say "ahdun"







Then we clean him up and let him loose to play - even if we arent' finsihed. He must stay nearby though, so we can still see him and talk to him. Usually he runs around grabbing toys and books to bring back to us.


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## Al Dente (Jan 8, 2004)

Honestly, I think at least part of it has to do with the dc's personality. 9 times out of 10, ds will sit at the table for at least 30 minutes without asking to get down. He's just 'that way', sits still in sunday school and has a really long attention span compared to others his age. I don't think that's the norm though. And when he asks to get down, we always let him, whether he's sat there for 5 min. or 35 minutes.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lúthien Arcamenel*
I just didn't want you to feel alone here.
We do that to.
My children are not required to clean their plate, and they may leave the table whenever they like, but we do think that asking to be excused is simply good manners, and therefore our children always do that before they set off to do their things.
And we're not southern either.









I grew up in southeast VA, 20 minutes above NC and we never had to say anything to leave the table. We were expected to do dishes every night so maybe my parents figured that was bad enough!









~Nay


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

My 2 yo is usually the last one left at the table (he loves eating)... my 4 yo will often be up after a few minutes but is slowly sitting for longer periods of time...

I really think it depends on the personality...

I love to sit at the table together as a family because I never had that experience as a child and one day I beleive that it will happen and I hope it will be fun for all of us, but at the moment the conversation usually involves DH and I with a few random thoughts shared by the boys... When I was young and was at a table with adults and they were talking about things that didn't interest me it was torture at times to be "forced" to stay there, but when I was old enough to start joining in a bit then it got to be fun...

We eat together every night but I don't expect them to stay at the table for the moment... and I really don't mind if they get up... If both boys are up from the table and DH and I are not finished yet then we welcome the time to catch up with eachother... or sometimes we just take our meal to where the kids are...


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

ds has been sitting at the table for at least 5 mins lately, so dh is happy for 5 minutes!


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