# Aging out of MDC?



## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

When does this happen? I feel OLD on here lately, but mostly when I peek in on the age range of my youngest?? Give me some warning -this has been my go to site for awhile...


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Maybe you're now into the sage advice giving stage?

I've found that I no longer visit any of the baby and toddler stage forums. I've definately aged out of them, since my youngest 7 yrs old. I am however entering the preteen and teen, with a little bit of childhood years. The special needs parenting board is part of my daily visit as well. I know that there are times that I feel old here with all the baby goings on!


----------



## enkmom (Aug 30, 2004)

I HAVE aged out of the parenting forums. I check in here to see if I can give advice, but I can offer no help for the moms of younger children. I either can't remember clearly, or the advice is outmoded.

I stick pretty much to the Mindful Home, Books, and TAO areas. I am not ready to give up completely, but I do find that I have less to offer as time goes by. Where do we go, though?


----------



## amnesiac (Dec 28, 2001)

My youngest is 12 & other than this one, which I don't check all that often, I don't generally look at any of the parenting forums anymore. I do enjoy all of the health related forums except TCAC & many of the Natural Family Living forums even though I read more than I post.


----------



## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Yeah, I feel old here too. Been here a long time and not ready to say "goodbye", but my kids are 19, 15, 12, and 8 and have mostly btdt as far as many of the topics. i still do like the homeschooling forums as I am still actively doing that, and the natural living stuff.

Maybe there should be an eventual "grandmothering" forum!


----------



## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

I feel like I've pretty much aged out, even though my youngest is still a toddler. The world is a very different place than it was when my 22 and 19 year olds were kids so not much of the advice I have to give is relevant and the perspective my years and experience give me on raising the toddler makes me so different from the other parents of kids his age that my advice isn't welcomed by them. I stopped posting regularly about a year or two ago and mostly use it as a reference library.


----------



## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

There are only a few boards here that I check.

With the baby, toddler, and little kid stuff, I really just don't care any more. I really don't have the energy to type up a post about flying with toddlers or any of that.

I am a regular on the special needs board, and about the only long time mothering.com member with an older SN kid.

I enjoy some of the general topics on the parenting board.


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

This board was great for a while, and frankly I often felt challenged and stretched, and learned a lot. It was all good, even when I didn't agree. But not much happening lately, and I hate the new format.

The SN forum has been very cool. Lots of good support there when I was looking for it.


----------



## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider*
> 
> I feel like I've pretty much aged out, even though my youngest is still a toddler. The world is a very different place than it was when my 22 and 19 year olds were kids so not much of the advice I have to give is relevant and the perspective my years and experience give me on raising the toddler makes me so different from the other parents of kids his age that my advice isn't welcomed by them. I stopped posting regularly about a year or two ago and mostly use it as a reference library.


I agree, many first round parents don't really want BTDT advice unless it's very, very recent experience. Most of us who have teenagers are looking back and thinking "what the heck were we so worked up about!" Any attempt to calm or put things in long-term perspective is taken with offense.


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> I agree, many first round parents don't really want BTDT advice unless it's very, very recent experience. Most of us who have teenagers are looking back and thinking "what the heck were we so worked up about!" Any attempt to calm or put things in long-term perspective is taken with offense.


That's so true! There are days when I fondly remember when the biggest issues facing me as a parent was whether my kids had too many toys, or what their baby doll was made out of. I want to say "Just love your kids, make a community for yourself, and don't sweat the small stuff. It all goes by so fast."


----------



## Ragana (Oct 15, 2002)

Mine are 8 and 11. I left for quite a while, then returned and am enjoying the childhood and preteen/teen forums. I guess I felt pretty on top of parenting issues for a few years and now I feel I want to think through some of the teen issues before mine get there in a year or two. I also enjoy the frugality, decluttering and food-related threads, though.


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Another "old one" and I've wondered this too! I don't go on the baby forums either. The forums I check out this one, Parenting, Natural Family Living and Health and Nutrition. I would like to go on the Education forum but even there most of the threads are about younger children.


----------



## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

See - my youngest is 4 and I still have questions about having a 4 year old - I have done it twice already, but he is so different than his brothers so we are still learning what works for him together...but then I get there (to those pages/threads) and I feel so old (not in my age, but in my parenting)

Recently there was an extended discussion of an issue impacting 3 & 4 year olds and many of the participants had only one child who was under 2 and they were sharing their "ideology" on the subject with real passion and I just checked out...started telling my dh about some of the advice and he was laughing and giving me not very "MDC" responses 

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone - I AM NOT THAAAT OLD - maybe I will focus my attention on Natural Family Living  Not to mention - maybe there have been some books written on the subjects I am wondering about since my 8 year old was 4??? That is right...for the first time...I am going it sort of alone in the advice department


----------



## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

and it's really really tough to have a discussion with someone who has passionate ideology but no real experience putting that ideology in practice. Ideology can be PERFECT but life doesn't get to be. We also get wrapped up in the notion of this "ideal childhood" before we really understand that "ideal" is all relative to the child in question. What is happy, rewarding and keeps you on the straight and narrow for one child isn't neccessarily the same for another.... even if they come from the same family!

I know I was full of beliefs before I had kids and when they were infants/toddlers. It seems really easy when you are reading books about childrearing. However, most of the beliefs I had went right out the window when I realized they were wrong for my own children or just plain old impractical to keep up with.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *wildmonkeys*
> 
> See - my youngest is 4 and I still have questions about having a 4 year old - I have done it twice already, but he is so different than his brothers so we are still learning what works for him together...but then I get there (to those pages/threads) and I feel so old (not in my age, but in my parenting)
> 
> ...


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> There are only a few boards here that I check.
> 
> ...


I love having support from moms, especially with older kids, in all the forums, but in the SNP forum, it's like having a fairy godmother!







Truly, it seems like the preteen/teen age is x10 with special needs kids.


----------



## aussiemum (Dec 20, 2001)

I think I am aging out of this board as well. It happens, many others have 'aged' out of here before. When my kids were younger, reading about others experiences and their advice in GD was, for the most part, fantastic and I think it really helped support me to become a better parent. Now I read occasionally in the older childhood forums and in TAO, but really, I mostly still miss the old War & Politics forum.


----------



## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

I think another reason is after you've been here a while, you see the same post topics so many times (like "Should I stop taking my kids to my parents' house because they did X?" or "Is my child delayed because he hasn't done X, Y and Z yet?" or "Is my child gifted because he has done X, Y and Z already?") that you just can't bring yourself to read or answer anymore? It's not that I think people shouldn't write those posts, because I remember being one of the ones posting "Is my child delayed..." and I needed the support from those responses, but right now, I just don't feel like I can offer advice. Part of it is that I can't really remember when my kids did X, Y and Z anymore and part of it is I don't feel like the things I can remember, like about when my preemie was born 11 years ago, are really relevant to someone with a preemie in the hospital now. When my son was born in 2000, I don't think I would have found info from 1989 helpful, you know?


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I agree with the above. However, what feels new to me is the social media piece. I didn't grow up with it, and we're just dipping our toes into the water, so to speak. I do find it interesting to hear how other folks have handled phones, texting, facebook, and the issues that come up around them.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Karne, good point. I'm 43 years old and didn't grow-up with constant access to my friends by way of cell phones and Facebook and the like. It's interesting trying to navigate the effect this tool has on my 16 y.o.

Edited for clarity.


----------



## samstress (Feb 21, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> I agree, many first round parents don't really want BTDT advice unless it's very, very recent experience. Most of us who have teenagers are looking back and thinking "what the heck were we so worked up about!" Any attempt to calm or put things in long-term perspective is taken with offense.


i'm mom to a 4-year old and a 1-month old and i must say i love (and value) the sage advice of moms who have btdt (often more so than those new moms who think they have it all figured out, but really don't have a clue). i've even had women without children give me advice or their two cents during my pregnancies and about child rearing because they read something somewhere (and they usually have a holier-than-thou attitude). sorry, but until you've been in my shoes, i really don't want to hear it.

hopefully all you moms will stick around.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> That's so true! There are days when I fondly remember when the biggest issues facing me as a parent was whether my kids had too many toys, or what their baby doll was made out of. *I want to say "Just love your kids, make a community for yourself, and don't sweat the small stuff. It all goes by so fast."*


i constantly try to keep this (bolded section) in mind and think it's so important for others to hear. like i said above, please stick around (and keep reminding us of this).

thanks mamas!


----------



## sweetiebird (Dec 17, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *samstress*
> 
> i'm mom to a 4-year old and a 1-month old and i must say i love (and value) the sage advice of moms who have btdt (often more so than those new moms who think they have it all figured out, but really don't have a clue). i've even had women without children give me advice or their two cents during my pregnancies and about child rearing because they read something somewhere (and they usually have a holier-than-thou attitude). sorry, but until you've been in my shoes, i really don't want to hear it.
> 
> ...


I totally agree  I'm relatively new here and don't post much, but I tend to read almost all of the parenting forums to help me 'see' where I'm going, if that makes any sense, even though my 2 boys are 2.5 and 10 mos. And, the older my kids get, the more I realize that I don't really know anything, and with parenting there is so much trial and error and what works for YOUR specific kids and your family. I love the advice from moms who have the clarity of time. I think it's when you can look back and see that it was really just a blip that it helps so much.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Thanks for the advice and wisdom. Truly


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> Karne, good point. I didn't grow with constant access to my friends by way of cell phones and Facebook and the like. It's interesting trying to navigate the effect this tool has on my 16 y.o.


I find it fascinating. We haven't had any difficult issues crop up. Maybe I would feel differently if we had., but so far it's been ok. But in general, I am amazed at the way kids stay connected, and how they navigate their social world. Actually, a lot of what happens w/ my dd and her friends amazes me-in a good way. I really don't remember being as connected, or confident, at this age.


----------



## joyluc (May 31, 2007)

I also feel like the parenting issues don't address where we are at - partly because my 14 year old DS has a serious mental illness and I am on other boards about that. But I like the community here and wish there were more parents on MDC handling these issues because I would like a NFL perspective on it,

I also wish there were a place to discuss pre-menopause and menopause issues, I know it isn't really a parenting issue but again I like MDC and would rather have this community to talk about these issues than to have to find another.


----------



## Ragana (Oct 15, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> Karne, good point. I didn't grow with constant access to my friends by way of cell phones and Facebook and the like. It's interesting trying to navigate the effect this tool has on my 16 y.o.


Yes, good points Karne & Journeymom - I didn't grow up with this stuff either (first color screen monitor in grad school!) and have been thinking about these issues. It's helpful to hear other parents of (pre-)teens hash it out.

PS Samstress - that was sweet of you to say.


----------



## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *joyluc*
> 
> I also feel like the parenting issues don't address where we are at - partly because my 14 year old DS has a serious mental illness and I am on other boards about that.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> I find it fascinating. We haven't had any difficult issues crop up. Maybe I would feel differently if we had., but so far it's been ok. But in general, I am amazed at the way kids stay connected, and how they navigate their social world. Actually, a lot of what happens w/ my dd and her friends amazes me-in a good way. I really don't remember being as connected, or confident, at this age.


We've had some difficult issues with our 16 y.o. daughter and her constant connection to her friends. The problem is multi faceted, but ultimately it comes down to us, her parents. We don't put enough limits on how much time she spends on Facebook, Tumblr and other social sites, and we don't put enough limits on how much time she spends texting. I have to admit it caught me off guard how intensely she seems to need to be connected to her friends. It's too easy for me to explain away the issues. For example, she's always been a night owl. I mean, when she was 7 y.o. she would happily stay up till midnight. When she was in middle school she had a dreadful time getting to sleep before 1am or later. And I've always been the same way, with periodic horrible issues getting to sleep. So while I'm not thrilled about it, I'm not surprised if we discover she was on the computer into the wee hours of the night, and I'm kind of sympathetic. Aftetr all, she's trying to cope with sleeplessness. But in the mean time, it gets too easy to blame it all on her sleep issues, when really I need to put the breaks on the screen time.

I'm immensely relieved that so far she's not interested in drugs or alcohol, and her friends all seem to be decent people. She doesn't seem to be a risk-taker, thank goodness.


----------



## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> I'm immensely relieved that so far she's not interested in drugs or alcohol, and her friends all seem to be decent people. She doesn't seem to be a risk-taker, thank goodness.


this is my kids, too.

We had a lot of emotional craziness her around age 12, worse for my DD on the autism spectrum than for my neural typical DD. Now they are 13 and 14, and they both have hobbies and intersts and nice friends.

Mine do waste time with D&D and with Magic, the Gathering. But their friends from those things are NICE kids I like.


----------



## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *joyluc*
> 
> I also wish there were a place to discuss pre-menopause and menopause issues, I know it isn't really a parenting issue but again I like MDC and would rather have this community to talk about these issues than to have to find another.


I have found www.powersurge.com to be helpful for peri/meno stuff. It does not address the parenting thru peri but there is a lot of helpful info.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> this is my kids, too.
> 
> ...


Yup. Daughter joined the marching band family at school. The teacher is very demanding of their energy, skills and time, so they hardly have time to get into trouble. And I like her friends too.

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *Tigeresse*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...












My mom was 38 when I was born, and was going through menopause when I was an angsty teen. It was a hell of a ride, that's for sure.


----------



## joyluc (May 31, 2007)

Thanks for the info Tigeresse, I will check it out.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tigeresse*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


----------



## feral007 (Apr 26, 2011)

I probably aged out before I found this site! I have two teens that just stepped over the line into adulthood - and they don't appreciate me changing my tactics from: I'm your mother that's why yu have to do it - to - You're an adult now that's why you have to do it!








Now that the protypes are out of the way there's just one teen left - but she's a girl so lookout!









I do like to hear from other parents of teenagers tho, and I like it when people are able to discuss what happens as opposed to what you'd like it to be like.

I can definately relate to the problem of getting advice from people who have yet to 'go there and do that - with a teen.' It is so very different. IMO with younger kids you do get to set the rules and enforce the consequences, but I look at the teen years as a time to try to keep them safe but let them have some rope so they can learn to look after themselves.

I've met a few parents on forums who believe that they must enforce everything till the day the youngster leaves home and I just find it wearing listening to them. I started a blog so I could basically chat to myself to sort out my thoughts on the curly problems and the thing I've decided most is that if you listen to young people you learn a lot of what you need to know. But we get so caught up in telling them what to do we forget to ask what they think the problem is and what they think might be a solution.

Teenagers have some very interesting ideas. I'm not so keen on them telling me how old fashioned I am tho!  Ali


----------



## NZJMama (May 11, 2011)

I agree with the pp's. I have a 6,4 and 1 year old and if I have learned anything the past six years it is that I have a lot to learn. I hope you Mamas stick around and share your wisdom and experience with the rest of us. Maybe I will just post my questions over here where you are all hanging out.


----------



## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

IDK if its 'aging out' so much as the changes on MDC seem to have hit, I've had some personal changes going on, DS had some changes and everything just flipped over all at once.

I don't seem to have any kid-like questions to ask.

We don't do organic, I'm never gonna live off grid, that type of stuff doesn't really apply.

I see the same types of questions being asked over and over again, the forum doesn't matter, I guess there are just only so many questions out there.

I do like the book club and I've gotten some interesting authors off that, and the craft challenge is neat too. I love to see what everyone else is making!

TAO is a hoot some days. Sometimes I will join a decluttering challenge or organizing thread.

But the actual 'Mothering' part of the board never seems to apply anymore.


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

I thought there used to be a pre-menopause and menopause subforum or thread on MDC, but now that I am looking for it I have not been able to find it anywhere.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tigeresse*
> 
> I have found www.powersurge.com to be helpful for peri/meno stuff. It does not address the parenting thru peri but there is a lot of helpful info.


----------



## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jalilah*
> 
> I thought there used to be a pre-menopause and menopause subforum or thread on MDC, but now that I am looking for it I have not been able to find it anywhere.


I think that would be a great forum to have here.....so many of us have been here a long time, it would make sense that some of us are going through "the change". Lots of us still even have relatively young kids I'll bet, making that time pretty challenging.


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Yes, I totally agree about that! After all mothering never ends and even when our kids grow up we'll always be mothers. there should be a subforum for those of us.

Maybe we can suggest it.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Tigeresse*
> 
> I think that would be a great forum to have here.....so many of us have been here a long time, it would make sense that some of us are going through "the change". Lots of us still even have relatively young kids I'll bet, making that time pretty challenging.


----------



## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jalilah*
> 
> Yes, I totally agree about that! After all mothering never ends and even when our kids grow up we'll always be mothers. there should be a subforum for those of us.
> 
> Maybe we can suggest it.


I think putting that in the Q&S forum would be great!


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

I've been here since the beginning of MDC, and I do feel old sometimes (I think my DC think I'm ancient, haha!). My oldest is nearly 13, my youngest 16 months. I mostly peruse the nutrition and good eating forums and a few other non-parent parts of MDC. I also like the pre-teen/teen forum, since I feel like I am going through uncharted waters with DS1 (who is a pretty good kid, but is very adolescent, lol). I appreciate hearing from mamas who have older teens, and love hearing their stories. I find it very encouraging. I would love to have a support forum for the whole perimenopause period! I haven't spent much time on MDC lately, as I don't really like all the ads, I'm not happy about the fact that MDC is the slowest site I load, and I just feel like it isn't nearly as "crunchy" as it was even 5 years ago. Even when I do come on MDC, I do a lot more reading than posting. I can't imagine some of the advice given today would have been tolerated even 5 years ago, much less at the beginning of the board. I sure hope you other "old" mamas hang around, because I need to hear from you, lol.


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

I have been reading about non-AP advice being given a lot these days but have not seen it myself. In which forums does this happen.

I also read way more than I post. It took me 6 years to become a senior member!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gardenmommy*
> 
> I've been here since the beginning of MDC, and I do feel old sometimes (I think my DC think I'm ancient, haha!). My oldest is nearly 13, my youngest 16 months. I mostly peruse the nutrition and good eating forums and a few other non-parent parts of MDC. I also like the pre-teen/teen forum, since I feel like I am going through uncharted waters with DS1 (who is a pretty good kid, but is very adolescent, lol). I appreciate hearing from mamas who have older teens, and love hearing their stories. I find it very encouraging. I would love to have a support forum for the whole perimenopause period! I haven't spent much time on MDC lately, as I don't really like all the ads, I'm not happy about the fact that MDC is the slowest site I load, and I just feel like it isn't nearly as "crunchy" as it was even 5 years ago. Even when I do come on MDC, I do a lot more reading than posting. I can't imagine some of the advice given today would have been tolerated even 5 years ago, much less at the beginning of the board. I sure hope you other "old" mamas hang around, because I need to hear from you, lol.


----------



## member234098 (Aug 3, 2002)

.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

This was my mother's and my experience.







She went through menopause while I was a nutty teen.


----------



## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

My mother used to say that once your children were past a certain age, you lose the grace to be able to deal with that age. The older my kids get, the more I find that to be true. Twice in the last month, I have been incredibly stressed out over 3 year children having tantrums while I was out shopping. The parents were doing the best they could (I might have intervened in a different way with one of them, but the dad was doing OK). The kids were clearly maxed out, the parents were fine. There was nothing 'wrong' with the situation other than the fact that I could no longer tolerate it. I'm beginning to feel that way about a fair number of the posts I see. I'm past the spaghetti-throwing, night weaning, potty training, no-impulse control stages. I'm also past the learning to read and not being able to reason stages.

Most days I just don't have the energy to read/respond to threads about kids in those ages. Some days I do, but I find myself hanging out in Gentle Discipline and Childhood Years far less often. I feel a bit of a misfit in some of the other forums I look at (Gifted Child -- my kids are smart, but they're not as smart as some of the kids I hear about there and Special Needs -- ds' special needs are hardly noticeable now, though he seems to be doing something weird with hand washing lately....) My kids aren't quite old enough for this forum (ds is 10 so he sort of counts, and dd at age 7 is too young). Technically, dd should be squarely in the Childhood Years, but most of the issues there don't fit her. (She's a very bright, highly driven, intense, highly emotional, stubborn, creative, exhausting kid who talks and reasons like a 12 year old and has the emotional development of a 7 year old.)

I do like the idea of a peri-menopause, menopause forum. As an older mother (35 with ds, 38 with dd), I could well be going through menopause at the same time dd is going through puberty. Yippee!


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

I will suggest it in the "Suggestions forum" I should have done this a while ago.


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

I think this is true in many cases! I do find myself becoming less patient with other people's little ones as mine age out of those stages. Sometimes, I just feel a general irritation at what seems to be a general lack of parenting skills, although I do try to have grace, as I know I didn't always know what I know (does that make any sense at all, lol). Parenting is such a journey, and we are all at different places.

I would really love to have a forum dealing with menopausal issues; I will be going through that very stage myself when my littlest 2 are teens. I am sure I'll be dealing with multiple crazy hormone issues in both myself and my children in just a few short years.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LynnS6*
> 
> My mother used to say that once your children were past a certain age, you lose the grace to be able to deal with that age. The older my kids get, the more I find that to be true. Twice in the last month, I have been incredibly stressed out over 3 year children having tantrums while I was out shopping. The parents were doing the best they could (I might have intervened in a different way with one of them, but the dad was doing OK). The kids were clearly maxed out, the parents were fine. There was nothing 'wrong' with the situation other than the fact that I could no longer tolerate it. I'm beginning to feel that way about a fair number of the posts I see. I'm past the spaghetti-throwing, night weaning, potty training, no-impulse control stages. I'm also past the learning to read and not being able to reason stages.
> 
> ...


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> I agree, many first round parents don't really want BTDT advice unless it's very, very recent experience. Most of us who have teenagers are looking back and thinking "what the heck were we so worked up about!" Any attempt to calm or put things in long-term perspective is taken with offense.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> That's so true! There are days when I fondly remember when the biggest issues facing me as a parent was whether my kids had too many toys, or what their baby doll was made out of. I want to say "Just love your kids, make a community for yourself, and don't sweat the small stuff. It all goes by so fast."


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *whatsnextmom*
> 
> and it's really really tough to have a discussion with someone who has passionate ideology but no real experience putting that ideology in practice. Ideology can be PERFECT but life doesn't get to be. We also get wrapped up in the notion of this "ideal childhood" before we really understand that "ideal" is all relative to the child in question. What is happy, rewarding and keeps you on the straight and narrow for one child isn't neccessarily the same for another.... even if they come from the same family!
> 
> I know I was full of beliefs before I had kids and when they were infants/toddlers. It seems really easy when you are reading books about childrearing. However, most of the beliefs I had went right out the window when I realized they were wrong for my own children or just plain old impractical to keep up with.


Yes, to all of this. I try to stick around to help younger moms, like the older moms helped me when my first few children were young. However, it's just hard to have a conversation with someone whose head is so firmly stuck in the ground, they can't hear those of us whose feet are grounded by years of experience. I really appreciate reading the teen and preteen board, as I learn a lot, even when I don't agree with the post. I'm just happy to hear from moms who have BTDT, or who are dealing with some of the same issues as DH and I currently are, and what is working (or not working) for them.

Ideals are great, but only those which stand the test of time are worth keeping, IMO. Is there another board where you guys are hanging out these days?


----------



## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Funny to find this thread...Although my son is 19, I recently began working as a preschool teacher and MDC has been on my mind. I learned so many helpful things here! It's always nice to check back in.


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

I finally got a reply and was told I can start a social group http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1327212/social-groups-are-here

I don't have the time for the next few days to read more about this, but if any of you would like to start up the group that would be great.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *raksmama*
> 
> I will suggest it in the "Suggestions forum" I should have done this a while ago.


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

I am really interested in the idea of a group for the peri- and menopausal set, and would be willing to be a co-leader. Could the group be expanded to include mothering adult children, and even grandmothering? ElderSon is 30 with 3 & 5 year olds of his own, my kids still at home are 15 & 16. I have also been active on the adoption/fostering, homeschooling (unschooling) and special needs forums over the years. These days I mainly hang out in the TAO and mindful home neighborhoods.

It seems groups can only be started be someone willing to be a leader, and I hesitate to commit myself alone - any takers?


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Same here! I don't want to be a leader!



> It seems groups can only be started be someone willing to be a leader, and I hesitate to commit myself alone - any takers?


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

Okay, I got brave and volunteered to be the leader; requested the social group space. Need a welcoming, descriptive title, if anyone has suggestions -

Also would welcome a co-leader...

Will post back here when it is up.


----------



## Buzzer Beater (Mar 5, 2009)

Subbing.

I'm 47 with a 20 year old and an 18 month old.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Descriptive title: OLD MOMS


----------



## mariamadly (Jul 28, 2009)

Oooh, my kind.

I'm 48 with a 22 y.o. and 18 y.o.


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamarhu*
> 
> Okay, I got brave and volunteered to be the leader; requested the social group space. Need a welcoming, descriptive title, if anyone has suggestions -
> 
> ...


Wow-thanks!


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Wow thanks so much Mamarhu!

While I did say I did not want to be a leader, I will commit to being an active participant!

I am 53 by the way, and my son is 13. I think I might be the oldest here!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamarhu*
> 
> Okay, I got brave and volunteered to be the leader; requested the social group space. Need a welcoming, descriptive title, if anyone has suggestions -
> 
> ...


----------



## Mirzam (Sep 9, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *raksmama*
> 
> Wow thanks so much Mamarhu!
> 
> ...


Nope not necessarily the oldest, I am also 53 with a 21 year old DD, a 14 yo DD and an 11 yo DS.


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Lol, you ladies are making me feel like a spring chicken!


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mirzam*
> 
> Nope not necessarily the oldest, I am also 53 with a 21 year old DD, a 14 yo DD and an 11 yo DS.


Age........wisdom........isn't there a correlation here somewhere ...?


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> Age........wisdom........isn't there a correlation here somewhere ...?


Gosh, I hope so.


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

Hee - hee. So far I am the oldest (admitted) at 54, kids 15, 16, and 30.

And, yes, with age does come wisdom, at least it better.


----------



## LVale (May 4, 2004)

Well I am 50, have 2 sons 34 and 31 and 4 grandkids, 11, 8, 3, and 5 months!


----------



## Mirzam (Sep 9, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> Age........wisdom........isn't there a correlation here somewhere ...?


Not so sure in my case. But I am certainly more laid back about parenting these days. I really have learned not to worry too much about things. I have watched my eldest go through a somewhat wild teenage and come through it to become an amazing, responsible young lady. She actually listens to me and takes my advice now! I also love her advice to her 14 year old sister about school: "Don't worry about being in the "popular group" (DD #1 spent a lot of time and energy on this pursuit), keep your head down and work hard (two things DD didn't feel she needed to do in school).

So far my younger two are proving to be "easier", but my luck could change.


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mirzam*
> 
> Not so sure in my case. But I am certainly more laid back about parenting these days. I really have learned not to worry too much about things. I have watched my eldest go through a somewhat wild teenage and come through it to become an amazing, responsible young lady. She actually listens to me and takes my advice now! I also love her advice to her 14 year old sister about school: "Don't worry about being in the "popular group" (DD #1 spent a lot of time and energy on this pursuit), keep your head down and work hard (two things DD didn't feel she needed to do in school).
> 
> So far my younger two are proving to be "easier", but my luck could change.


This is the type of experience/post that I value so much from this forum. I like your older dd's advice!


----------



## Mirzam (Sep 9, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *karne*
> 
> This is the type of experience/post that I value so much from this forum. I like your older dd's advice!


On a roll here!







I guess having seen one child "safely" through to adulthood, my best advice is to love them unconditionally. Just love them the way they are in the moment. Don't take their actions personally, they have their own path to walk and they are doing the best they can with what they have. Work on yourself not them.


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Is there a linky to the new group?


----------



## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Mirzam*
> 
> On a roll here!
> 
> ...


OK, I'm going to pick your brain here, lol! I wonder a lot about what exactly makes a lasting impression? We have big talks, and little talks, about many issues. Our conversations are open, dh and I are pretty open, we parent well together, so I think we have some harmony going on. The little moments, such as the rides to school in the car where I hear the big issues of the week, are exquisitely precious to me. There are a few arguments, limit setting, some pushing of boundaries that we seem to get through OK. I think we're doing OK with a good deal of love and everyone clearly on a learning curve! We're all seeming to be connected and happy, which is good.

But what do you hear about from your child who has reached adult hood? What mattered? Was your advice welcome, or was it the listening ear that offered no advice? What kept the connection strong? I know...so many questions, but these are some of the things I think about when the day is done.


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gardenmommy*
> 
> Is there a linky to the new group?


The new group is still in the works - will post a link here when it is open.


----------



## mariamadly (Jul 28, 2009)

Sorry, forgot to start this with quote from Karne's post #66 and didn't know how to insert during edit:

"OK, I'm going to pick your brain here, lol! I wonder a lot about what exactly makes a lasting impression? We have big talks, and little talks, about many issues. Our conversations are open, dh and I are pretty open, we parent well together, so I think we have some harmony going on. The little moments, such as the rides to school in the car where I hear the big issues of the week, are exquisitely precious to me. There are a few arguments, limit setting, some pushing of boundaries that we seem to get through OK. I think we're doing OK with a good deal of love and everyone clearly on a learning curve! We're all seeming to be connected and happy, which is good.

But what do you hear about from your child who has reached adult hood? What mattered? Was your advice welcome, or was it the listening ear that offered no advice? What kept the connection strong? I know...so many questions, but these are some of the things I think about when the day is done"

DS2 is 18 now, but said something to me once at around 16 (?), which may be old enough maybe not. But he had a small container pet when he was younger, and was very attached for the five years the animal lived. When it died, DS2 (age 9 at the time) was a train wreck, missed school that day, cried for days after. It was absolutely brutal, and all the rest of us could do was ride it out with him. Fast forward to years later, one day we're talking about general parent-child things, and he told me "I trust you guys because you told me the truth about name-of-animal."


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Sorry for the impatience regarding the link, I'm just ready for it!

WRT to Karne, I also think about those things. I think that we are doing a decent job with our crew. I'm sure we can improve, who can't? Thanks for posting your words of wisdom, Mizram. Very encouraging.


----------



## Buzzer Beater (Mar 5, 2009)

The new group is open.

http://www.mothering.com/community/groups/show/19/old-mamas


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

I am excited about the new group, but too tired tonight to start much of a conversation there. Be back soon!


----------



## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Do you have to join the group to post to threads and start new threads?


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

I have joined the group. Yes you have to join to post threads.

I hope to see more of you mamas there!

Thanks Mamarhu for starting it!


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

The new group is started, but Cynthia Mosher says we need a co-leader. Come on, anyone?


----------



## Buzzer Beater (Mar 5, 2009)

I'll do it. I'm on here most every night, and I'm old. What else do I need?


----------



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Thanks Buzzer Beater!


----------



## LukesMum (Nov 20, 2001)

OH man, I ahvent been on ehre in a long time but MDC started with me when 11 yeaars ago! I was super active and it influenced my decisions to not vax, homeschool and home birth...all things I would have never considered before! I have been feeling very isolated these past few years and am going to try and find a place where I can have a sense of community....otherwise I havent been on here in ages....


----------

