# OMG...wwyd? 13 year old smoking pot...



## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

ETA: he insists he never smoked it...he just told his friends he did so he would be 'cool'. I don't really believe him 100 percent as he lied about a bunch of other things in the same incident. He's still grounded.

__________________________________________________ _____________________

I just found out.
He was smoking it next door with the neighbour's daughter - the 17 year old I posted about in a different thread awhile back. However he always insists he's going over there to hang out with her brother (11). Deep down inside I knew...I just flippin' knew! But I could never prove it. Now I can.
He doesn't know I know. Yet.
Now what the frick do I do? I'm so ... so...terrified...upset....angry...all of it! I dunno!!!
Do I talk to her Parents? Do I go to the cops? WTF do I do?????
GAh...I feel sick to my stomach...


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## symmetry (Jul 31, 2008)

Oh wow!









Not sure exactly what I'd do either, sorry. I guess try not to react in a way that will break the lines of communication between the two of you. Perhaps you could phone one of those drug crisis phone lines and ask for advice. They'd probably be up to date with all the latest best ways of handling situations like this.


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## Narn (Nov 7, 2007)

I think you should talk to _him_ about it, first.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Narn* 
I think you should talk to _him_ about it, first.

I don't have teens yet, but this is what I would do. I'd also consider not letting him go over there anymore. I personally don't have a problem with pot as long as it it used responsibly, but thirteen is awfully young for that.


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

Calling the hotline is an idea - your son does seem very young to be experimenting with pot.

Talking is good.

Then get ready to impose some serious consequences. He needs to know who's in charge and he may hate you for a while but you are his parent not his best friend.

Talk to your dh/dp about your son make a plan together to tackle this together and be on the same page.

Hugs mama, the teen years have been a pretty scary ride for me too.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'd talk to the 13yo directly. Talk about why you're so against marijuana use- is it a safety issue? The fact that it's illegal? The fact that he's smoking ANYTHING? Lack of trust in the people because of their decision to use pot and share with a 13yo?

Many people are of the opinion that marijuana is perfectly safe- if you're not one of them, then you need to talk to your child about exactly why you have a problem with him using it. Not a vague "pot is bad, you're a bad kid for using it" but concrete reasons. Ideally you want your child to stop using pot because he shares your concerns.

If you're of the opinion that marijuana can be safe to use in certain circumstances but not others, then talk to the 17yo next door about your specific concerns, and decide for yourself if she's using it in a "safe way".

I don't see how you can "forbid him" from going next door without completely restricting his movement in a way that's unhealthy for a teenager.


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

When my ds came home stoned from the mall one day, I sent him to his room and told him we'd talk when he was straight. Which was the next day. I asked him where he got it, and when he told me I called up the boys mother and told her that if her son gave mine any more, I would call the cops on him. We had a pleasant chat and said goodbye. My son listened to the whole thing. I told him I'd do the same thing if it happened again, call whatever mother or father it happened to be. He was then able to use that as an excuse whenever he was offered pot.

That's pretty much all I did that time. When he was caught smoking cigarettes at the school, he had to shovel the driveway for the next 4 months every time it snowed.


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

:

Good one mama.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

I second what all the others have said.
Talk to your DS and get the facts about the physiological effect of pot on the developing brain of an adolescent.
I think there's a book or website called Just Say Know.
I'd have a scary talk with that 17yo. She's a year (or less) away from contributing to the delinquency of a minor. How foolish of her.
Do her parents let her smoke pot in the house? Can you talk to them?
13 is so young for this. I would hold the promise of a call to the police if it happens again.


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## kmeyrick (Aug 30, 2006)

I would only have the cops get involved as an absolute last resort. You don't your kid's chances at college and other elements of the future to be derailed over a little pot. Really. There are so many alternatives. I would call a therapist specializing in teens and take it from there.


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## Labbemama (May 23, 2008)

I remember what my folks did to my younger sister's stash. 4 fingers worth of good stuff. LOL
They let her search her room for it and then sat it on step-dad's desk until they had let her search frantically enough for it that they couldn't stop laughing. And then I think they chewed her out royally and flushed it.

That didn't stop her though. So I can't say this strategy works.

As far as restricting his movement, Um, my 13 y.o. would not leave the house except for school and church for quite some time if I found out they were smokning pot. They wouldn't like their movement restricted in juvenile detention either! if I had to take them with me everywhere I go or send them to live 30 miles from anywhere with their Grandfather who is retired and could sit with them. That's what I'd do.

What kind of terms are you on with the neighbors?


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Talk to your son. I would not call the cops.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

I spoke with him. I told him how dissappointed I was. How I thought he would make smarter decisions. How we had spoken about all of this before and he knows the dangers of drugs. I told him if this is a decision he wants to make, he can make it when he's 18 and no sooner. I didn't yell. I did cry though .I couldn't help it. It was then he admitted ot drinking too. Both were his first time. I need to nip this in the bud NOW. He's the type of kid where if he gets into it ... it'll be all the way. I'm petrified.He's very naive and easy to manipulate and the older kids recognize that. Weve talked about it a million times. He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as 'making friends.' :GAH And the worst part is pot isn't the same it was years ago...THC content is up around the 20% mark now rather than the 4% it was. And most of the stuff confiscated at our local high school (80%) is usually laced with other stuff. He knows this!!!!!

I spoke to the girl's parents today and they didn't even bat an eyelash. They told her it was a bad reflection on them and not to do it anymore. And they told her on her cell phone. My son was with her at school when they called her. I was like WTF? HOW THE HECK DO I KEEP THESE TWO APART??? BTW...her parents are totally okay with her doing pot and drinking - usually she's doing it WITH THEM I found out.

So I think I'm going to go over there and speak to this girl directly and mention that if it happens again - I will call the police. She can be charged with possession and trafficking as well as supplying a minor.

I'm also having lunch with my RCMP Staff Sgt. friend tomorrow so I'll see if she can speak with him/her/both.

He's grounded for an entire month. He's lost all privileges, cell phone, ipod, computer time, phone time, visiting with friends and his bedroom door comes off tomorrow. If he can't be trusted, he loses all privacy. He is also also not allowed over there any more - that I hope to make permanent.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Sounds like you handled it really well.
Is your son involved in sports or theater or music?
I started smoking pot at his age and smoked almost daily for the next 11 years. Mostly I did it because there was nothing else I was in to and it was a sure way to find a group to connect with...mostly older teens.
There are so many things other than school sports that kids can get involved in now...rock climbing, martial arts.
Check out these programs that a friend of mine puts on for kids and teens.
http://www.firemountainprograms.com
They are amazing.


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

I'm sorry, but I gotta say I think you came down on him too hard. How are you going to prevent him from going over there? Or seeing his other friends? What do his other friends even have to do with it? And taking his bedroom door off?? I can't think of any situation where I would do that to my kid. My parents came down on me like that, so I would tie bedsheets together, go out my window, hitchhike into town and be gone all night before they even knew.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *odenata* 
Doesn't she become her business when that other kid is giving her son drugs and it's obvious that her parents aren't going to step in and stop it? I think it's better to give a warning than to have to call the police next time without having said anything.

However, I probably would have just told the parents, "if your daughter gives my son drugs again, I'm calling the police," and would not talk with the girl directly.

I have a feeling that the neighbor girl isn't the only kid in town holding pot.


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## odenata (Feb 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ziggysmama* 
I have a feeling that the neighbor girl isn't the only kid in town holding pot.

No, but she's the one giving it to the OP's son, and as far as I can tell, this isn't about him seeking out drugs but about him smoking pot to be friends with her.

I do agree with bedhead that the punishment seems over the top, especially taking his bedroom door off.


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## Ziggysmama (Dec 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *odenata* 
No, but she's the one giving it to the OP's son, and as far as I can tell, this isn't about him seeking out drugs but about him smoking pot to be friends with her.

I do agree with bedhead that the punishment seems over the top, especially taking his bedroom door off.

yup, and it over the top to get her charged with trafficking because of it. Is she going to get every person who ever smokes pot around her kid charged with trafficking too?


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## odenata (Feb 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ziggysmama* 
yup, and it over the top to get her charged with trafficking because of it. Is she going to get every person who ever smokes pot around her kid charged with trafficking too?

If she called the police this time, I would agree. But she didn't. She talked with the parents and is going to let the girl know that if it happens again she'll call the police.

Sorry, but pot is illegal. The girl knows this. Her parents know this. If the girl isn't going to stop giving the OP's son pot, then that's her decision. If her parents aren't going to be more proactive that's their decision. And I don't see a reason the OP needs to protect them from their own decisions.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ziggysmama* 
yup, and it over the top to get her charged with trafficking because of it. Is she going to get every person who ever smokes pot around her kid charged with trafficking too?

I never said I *would* have her charged, I let her know she *could* be charged...I simply let my son know that. And he let her know that.

When he's 18 and out of our house, he can decide whether or not he wants to make the decision to smoke pot. But until then...it's a 0 tolerance policy around here. He is far too young to be able to make that decision himself. He's 13 and still a baby.

He is my son and I make the decisions regarding what's best for him...not them.

And your'e right, she's not the only one in town holding pot. But we live 20 km out of town. She's the only one around here (besides the guy that's been dealing for the last 30 years who lives at the end of the road.)

He's forbidden from going over there until further notice. And how can I stop him? I'm a SAHM...I'm here all the time. For the next month he's with me at all times - unless he's at school or work.


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## BedHead (Mar 8, 2007)

So if he says he's on his way over there and walks out the door, what will you do? And what's to stop him from doing what I did and just climbing out his window when you don't know?

I know these are your decisions to make, and I respect that. I am just preaching caution based on my own experience, both as a teen myself and as a mom of teens. Forbidding things and punishing harshly can result in rebellion, much more easily IME than being lenient.


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## anitaj71 (Mar 1, 2006)

There is always a fine line 'us' parents walk with punishing too harshly or not punishing enough and that's where our intuition and attachment to our kids come in. Making the op wrong for how she is parenting her child cannot be very helpful. She knows her son and his nature the best and if this is how she is dealing with it then I trust that mama knows best in this situation.

I love Barbara Colorasos book ( I spelled her name wrong . . ) "Kids Matter" and she talks about the brick wall parent, the jellyfish parent and the backbone parent. I think the names are pretty self explanetory. She also talks a lot about natural consequences. When there isn't a natural consequence or if it's illegal,immoral or unhealthy a parent has to step in and deliver the 'consequence'.

Parenting teens is hard and so complicated. I wish nothing but the best for you mama, good luck.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Oh geez.







This situation is one of my worst nightmares. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

We have a zero tolerance policy around here as well. I know that lots of people have no problem with pot, but my ex-husband was one of those people who just couldn't smoke and still be "ok" kwim? He'd spend grocery money on it, etc.

Best of luck to you, mama. *hugs*


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BedHead* 
So if he says he's on his way over there and walks out the door, what will you do? And what's to stop him from doing what I did and just climbing out his window when you don't know?....

If he chooses to make that choice and completely disregard what the rules are then he just has to remember (and he knows this): disregard what we would and the favour is returned. Which means: break the rules and he gets nothing: no rides into town, no spending money, nothing. Basically his revoked priviledges will remain revoked. Until he earns our respect and trust again, he gets SQUAT.

As for climbing out the window? I highly doubt that. His room is rightnextoours and everyting in this house squeaks. He would never be able to take the screen off and sneak out without us hearing. I'm an incredibly light sleeper. He'd get his ass busted. That and I get up twice a night to pee. I can see him on the way to the can.

A little off topic...but that reminds me of a story of a friend of mine who's daughter snuck out one night and took off to her boyfriend's. Right after a fresh snowfall. Yup. We just followed her footprints at 2 in the morning. LOL!


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *odenata* 
Doesn't she become her business when that other kid is giving her son drugs and it's obvious that her parents aren't going to step in and stop it?

I don't think so, no. I think threatening the kid with the cops is outside of the boundaries of what's acceptable in this situation.

Frankly, the poster has no idea where her son got the pot. For all we know, _he_ supplied _her_.

To sum up, I'm not a fan of threatening kids with the cops--not if I had my own, and CERTAINLY not someone else's, particularly for something like pot.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *odenata* 
No, but she's the one giving it to the OP's son, and as far as I can tell, this isn't about him seeking out drugs but about him smoking pot to be friends with her.

You have no idea whether that's true or not.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

So if you took away all his priveliges, other friends, leisure activities etc... what else does he have to do but smoke pot and drink?







I grew up in a rather depressed rural place, and that was why anyone who did those things did them... because they were bored. Kids need, if you'll forgive the cliche', an "anti-drug."


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I'm not comfortable with a 13 and a 17 year old hanging out alone. I know the 11yr old MAY have been there, but maybe not.

A family friend is going through this same thing. Only it got worse. He's 12, she's 16. She's pregnant, and claims that this boy is the father. They want to press charges agains the 16 year old, but haven't yet. The girl wants to have and keep the baby, and wants the boy to be involved with the baby. He's terrified and wants nothing to do with a baby. (but, he knew having sex could make a baby)

The kids were smoking pot together, the boy's mom was O.K with this because the boy wasn't paying for it, and they were in the neighborhood, so it wasn't unsafe.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
So if you took away all his priveliges, other friends, leisure activities etc... what else does he have to do but smoke pot and drink? 







I grew up in a rather depressed rural place, and that was why anyone who did those things did them... because they were bored. Kids need, if you'll forgive the cliche', an "anti-drug."

I agree with this. I grew up on military posts and this is why military kids were such big partiers. You live in the middle of nowhere, knowing no one. It's a sure way to fit in.
I would strive to provide a balance of consequence with a rich alternative to pot smoking. I've posted often about my deep belief in the role that sports, service & spiritual practice play in a teen's life. My teen is young (13) and we make sure we offer her meaningful experiences with the intent of her choosing not to do drugs. So far she's very candid and is clear she has no interest right now.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Okay...he got the pot from the girl. It's her stash, her parents let her smoke it at their house. She smokes it with them. Frick...they buy it FOR HER!!! Her mother told me this directly. I also found out he was drinking as well. One beer, but drinking nonetheless.

He's grounded for one month. And FWIW, he's a good kid: A Honour Roll and involved in both basketball, soccer and until recently (our squadron was just shut down) Air Cadets. He's polite and actually a good kid - which is why we're nipping this in the 'bud' (HA!) right now before it goes any further.

*nextcommercial*: Exactly our fear.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
I would strive to provide ... a rich alternative to pot smoking.

For a kid who's tried pot, I'm curious as to what that might look like.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
For a kid who's tried pot, I'm curious as to what that might look like.

Quite frankly, from personal experience there are many things that feel better than getting high. Kirtan, meditation, sweat lodges, breaking a board with your fist, fire walks, glass walks...breakthrough experiences that a person accomplishes with their own body and mind.
Doing selfless service, climbing a mountain, backcountry camping, rock climbing, participating in governement and activism.
Jeez. Pot's not all that great.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 

*fire walks,

glass walks*

Pot's not all that great.


I agree that Pot is not all that great. It's fun to experience, but in reality, it just made me too tired and careless to have any fun.

Still.. An Aerosmith concert wouldn't be the same with at least the SMELL of pot in the area.

But... Firewalking? And Glasswalking? I'm pretty sure they don't offer that class at L.A Fitness, and I serioulsy doubt I could get my teenager to do that.

Idunno though. Maybe different parts of the country have different "cool new" fitness activities. In the Southwest, Dirtbike racing and indoor rock climbing are the popular thing.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

There's nothing cool and new about it. People have been overcoming their perceived limitations of their bodies through their minds for centuries. There are programs specifically for teens that offer these opportunities.
And, they're not for everyone.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
Jeez. Pot's not all that great.

I never said that it was, I was just interested in how you'd frame that for a young teen who's curious enough to try it.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

I'm sorry, but I just think the OP way over-reacted to this. In the big scheme of things, pot smoking isnt that big of a deal.


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## ~Mom2thhts~ (May 18, 2006)

Move.


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## PJJ (Sep 28, 2006)

Sounds like you have received many responses from pot smoking mamas and that has clouded their responses and characterized your "over the top" behavior. A teenager is a teenager is a teenager, not an adult YET. Things that begin during teenage years do shape adults.

I think you have responded well. The only suggestion is maybe not confront the girl teen and just call the cops. She has already been warned by her parents via the cell.

Hope things get better and you are able to get through to your teen about why he felt the need to do drugs and explore the real problem.

GOOD LUCK.


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## ezekielsmother (Sep 8, 2008)

There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.


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## ezekielsmother (Sep 8, 2008)

There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.


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## NaomiMcC (Mar 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shann* 
I'm sorry, but I just think the OP way over-reacted to this. In the big scheme of things, pot smoking isnt that big of a deal.

It is when he's only 13 and it's ILLEGAL.

he's not old enough to make the decision about the risks involved. When he's 18 and on his own fine. But not now. And I've told him that.


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## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

You did the right thing. He's thirteen. He doesn't need marijuana affecting his brain development and it's your responsibility as a parent to protect him from it.

I have been following this thread for a while and it is also one of my worst nightmares as a parent, that my kids will try drugs one day. Be glad you caught it early and acted and don't let others tell you that you've been to harsh. You haven't.

Marijuana has destroyed many of my friends' lives. I would definitely call the police if there is a "next time," not just for your son's sake, but for the sake of this older teenager who may be addicted.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Mom2thhts~* 
Move.

Move?


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## PJJ (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ezekielsmother* 
There is a really good, very funny movie called "half baked". Its was directed by Tamra Davis in 1998. As I recall, it was pretty kid friendly, no horrible sex scenes, or outrageous language. Of course you should watch it first to make sure it lives up to your own standards, or at least so you know if you want to fast forward something.

It very honestly depicts some of the fun, funny sides of pot smoking. That's important, because if you don't acknowledge that part of the equation, your son is going to perceive you as "not understanding" or being disingenuous. Complete honesty gives more credence to any advise you might give.

But the movie is really about the main character coming to terms with the fact that he needs to give up weed to have a better life. He falls for a girl who's life was destroyed because her father was a drug dealer. The down side of this lifestyle is equally portrayed.

The whole movie is hilarious, and has a very funny plot, but at the same time there's a message going on. If you watch this movie with your son it gives you two a chance to spend some conflict free time together, so you will both be more at ease. Then after the movie you can talk about the characters, why the main character made the choice to give up smoking pot, and why it was worth it.

Plus you'll get cool mom points for the funny movie.









This is a great idea!


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## user_name (Jun 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
Move?

I don't think that's so absurd -- perhaps not showing it to be as a direct result of this incident, but a sign would pop up in my yard before the year's end if it were my situation, that's for sure.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Hi, Several posts have been removed for UA violations, and others for quoting UA violations.

I think this is a valuable conversation and we are a diverse community with many different views on this volatile subject. If you would like your post to stay up, please phrase it in a polite way.

Thank you.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *user_name* 
I don't think that's so absurd -- perhaps not showing it to be as a direct result of this incident, but a sign would pop up in my yard before the year's end if it were my situation, that's for sure.

Sorry that I was clear about my question--I didn't understand whether the poster meant that she would relocate (which I think is overkill, but YMMV) or whether she had something else in mind.

user_name, where would you move that has no possibility of your child being offered pot?


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## user_name (Jun 8, 2005)

Well, since you asked...
Let's see -- if I were the OP -- where I live now there is 100% chance of having a neighboring family with a different opinion regarding pot than my own. I think there was also mention of a 100% chance of having a dealer down the street.
If I move, at least the chances go down from 100%.

Worth it to me...a house is a house in my book.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

But what if the chances don't decrease? How many times is too many times to uproot your family because of pot?


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## maplesugar (May 24, 2005)

Pot smokers tend to lurk in pretty random places.









Can you imagine going door to door asking potential nieghbors if they partake?


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maplesugar* 
Pot smokers tend to lurk in pretty random places.









Can you imagine going door to door asking potential nieghbors if they partake?

THANK YOU. This is exactly my point.


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## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

Moving is silly, unless it's something the OP wanted to do already. Even if you find a neighborhood with no dealers and no pot smokers, last time I checked, 13 year olds can use public transport or get a ride from a friend to leave their area and go to one where drugs are available.

The work that needs to be done is between the OP and her son, to keep him away from the drugs in the short term, which she's accomplished with the grounding, and to help him make wiser choices in the long term.


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## MrsCorell (Aug 16, 2006)

I think I may have a different perspective on this than many would.....

I grew up in Humboldt County, California. Some may recognize the name; others may not. In Humboldt, pot is everywhere. People smoke bowls at the city park in front of cops with no repercussions. People can carry it on them and not get in trouble. They can hold up to 3 pounds of processed pot at any time with a medical marijuana card without any hassle from anyone. It's everywhere.

Having said that, I will say that I use to smoke all the time: before school, during lunch, before practice, etc. My parents never knew. We all parent different and have different ideals that we'd like to teach our children. I moved out of that area specifically because of the pot. How do you teach your child something is wrong when _everyone_ around them is doing it and saying it's not a big deal?

I think the OP set the rules and applied the consequences. My son knows exactly what we do and do not tolerate in our home. We have few rules, but those we do have are strictly enforced. I would have probably told the girl & her parents about calling the cops as well. She asked the parents nicely to stop the behavior around her son.

To the OP: I really hope that everything works out for you. I'm glad that you had a rational discussion with him and he let you know what was going on. I hope that he realizes what happened, the repercussions that followed, and what those types of behaviors lead to. {{{Hugs}}}


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## OceanDoula (Jul 2, 2008)

I have been in your shoes with both my teenage daughters and the consequences were very similar. I did however take my eldest daughter to the police station and the officer was very nice in helping talk to my teenager. I asked him to search her purse, which he did. The laws here regarding pot are pretty loose so I wasn't worried about her being charged The officer told her that I had the right as the parent to search her room and her purse. He also told her to stay away from the house in question. I think coming from the officer it made the situation a little more real for her, it wasn't just mommy giving her another rule to ruin her fun, it was serious.

Anyways, thats my spiel. I think you did an excellent job giving consequences.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

See, I have no problem with that kind of thing, OceanDoula, as long as it's YOUR OWN KID. Where I draw the line is threatening other people's kids with the police. Either call the police or don't, but don't threaten it.


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## joeymama (Nov 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BedHead* 
I'm sorry, but I gotta say I think you came down on him too hard. How are you going to prevent him from going over there? Or seeing his other friends? What do his other friends even have to do with it? And taking his bedroom door off?? I can't think of any situation where I would do that to my kid. My parents came down on me like that, so I would tie bedsheets together, go out my window, hitchhike into town and be gone all night before they even knew.









:







:

I have got to say you really want those lines of communication to be open over the next 5 years, Doing things like things like taking the door off hinges, searching rooms, and tapping phones are all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust?
My parents did all of these things to me I am speaking from experience, I would sneak out and be gone doing all kinds of things and most of the time it was just to prove that I could get away with it, that they couldnt stop me, those things really hurt my relationship with MY parents. I agree that there should be concawuenses, but may the punishment fit the crime.
What about taking him to a drug rehab center so he can see first hand what kinds of things can happen to him if you go down that path>?


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## PancakeGoddess (Oct 8, 2004)

all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust? [/QUOTE]

Why should the OP be trusting the 13yo who has been sneaking around smoking pot?









I'm not saying I agree with all of the OP's consequences, and ITA about keeping the lines of communication open, but for some teens, with certain predispositions, pot-smoking is a quick slope toward serious legal and health risks. I'm willing to piss off my kid if it's in the interest of keeping him safe, alive and out of legal trouble. I don't foresee a lot of open communication if my child develops a daily pot-smoking habit.

I hope I don't come on too strong - it's hitting close to home these days.


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## Minky (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *frog* 
See, I have no problem with that kind of thing, OceanDoula, as long as it's YOUR OWN KID. Where I draw the line is threatening other people's kids with the police. Either call the police or don't, but don't threaten it.


Why not threaten? If someone was giving my child pot, I would let their family know that I didn't approve and would be calling the police if it happened again. In my opinion, that's how you could let the family know that you're raising your kid differently from theirs and are only going to intervene if YOUR OWN KID is involved.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Minky* 
Why not threaten? If someone was giving my child pot, I would let their family know that I didn't approve and would be calling the police if it happened again. In my opinion, that's how you could let the family know that you're raising your kid differently from theirs and are only going to intervene if YOUR OWN KID is involved.


Fine, tell the parents you're planning to call the police. Don't threaten their kid.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *joeymama* 
I have got to say you really want those lines of communication to be open over the next 5 years, Doing things like things like taking the door off hinges, searching rooms, and tapping phones are all BIG wedges in your relationship with your son, How can he trust you if you give him no trust?
My parents did all of these things to me I am speaking from experience, I would sneak out and be gone doing all kinds of things and most of the time it was just to prove that I could get away with it, that they couldnt stop me, those things really hurt my relationship with MY parents. I agree that there should be concawuenses, but may the punishment fit the crime.
What about taking him to a drug rehab center so he can see first hand what kinds of things can happen to him if you go down that path>?

And from the other side of the fence, my father did none of those things. He did nothing that would harm our relationship in the name of protecting me. And yes I did things wrong, but when it came down to it 90% of what I did wrong, I only did it once because my father dealt with it respectfully and I felt the need to show him the same respect back so I listened.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
There's nothing cool and new about it. People have been overcoming their perceived limitations of their bodies through their minds for centuries. There are programs specifically for teens that offer these opportunities.
And, they're not for everyone.

I just needed to respond to this. In many cultures around the world, drugs that are considered illegal or bad here are used just for that purpose for religious or cultural ceremonies.

Personally I do see parents today overreacting to pot, I smoked pot, I know many people who did and do, and they are all good people and none of them have ruined their lives. Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not as common with pot as the 'war on drugs' would have you believe. But then it could just be that living in BC I have difference experiences with it. People here don't react as strongly to pot as people in the US or even other parts of Canada.
There's a reason Vancouver is nick named Vansterdam.


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## G8P4 (Jan 21, 2007)

Quote:

I just needed to respond to this. In many cultures around the world, drugs that are considered illegal or bad here are used just for that purpose for religious or cultural ceremonies.
And I need to respond to this....the point is, recreational pot use is not legal in the USA or Canada. Those who support this illegal industry are probably supporting - perhaps inadvertently- a lot of things that cause pain and suffering to many many people. And illegal drugs are not regulated or subject to any quality control measures.

It takes a village, and our village has this illegal element to it, which like any industry, needs customers to keep it going.

I support the original poster who is trying to prevent her son, who is a child, from smoking pot. I used to think pot was pretty benign, but I don't think that any more.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

And maybe our village needs to change it's views on pot. You said it yourself, it's illegal, and there for *unregulated*. As Gordon Campbell (I think it was) said "Legalize it and tax the hell out of it!"

I'm not saying she needs to let her son get away from it, but going to an extreme isn't going to benifit anyone.


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

I just wanted to chime in and make a few points.

13, IMO, is too young to be experimenting with drugs of any kind and I agree that you need to make sure you are very clear on the rules.

I think moving away is a little extreme, but you do need to be more aware of who his friends are and what their values and their parents' values are.

Why is your son giving into peer pressure by smoking and drinking? What is going on with him?

If it were me, I would start limiting the contact he has with his peers and maybe start spending more time with him and as a family.

Here is a good book http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids.../dp/037550821X that will help you reclaim your child and reinforce your values.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

such a hard situation. i hope everything is working out good for you guys! im sorry you and your son are dealing with this. when my parents found pot in my purse we talked about pot and the things it can be laced with. then mom tasted it and barfed for half the night







but past that i dont think anything else happened except they were going to let me stay home from school since i stayed up so late but i went in late instead. and then they drug tested me on and off for awhile. lemme tell ya nothing deters drug use like knowing [email protected] well your going to get caught. FWIW i understand your worries. especially the fact that its illegal ... whether you are actually opposed to pot or not its still illegal (and no i dont think it should be but it is) and you dont want your son to have to live with the consequences of getting caught doing something that is illegal.. whether or not you agree with the law. its a crappy position to be in.

o and my best friends mom took her bedroom door off for awhile as far as i can tell she has suffered no permanant damage (we live together so i think i would have noticed by now)


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