# Struggling (BIL's partner in labor) *update - mentions newborn, post 10*



## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Please don't get me wrong. There isn't the tiniest part of me that isn't willing everything to go right for them. I want a happy, healthy nephew at the end of this - and it's not a low risk situation as she's been induced at 35/36 weeks because she has pre-eclampsia and baby is small for dates (estimates suggest 4lb) so they know LO will be in special care for a while.

I've tried really hard to be as supportive as I can. She's been told it's a high likelihood her labor will end with a section so I spent 20 minutes on the phone with her on Sunday talking her through what my sections entailed - even though the last thing I wanted to do was relive my births with a pregnant lady but I did it 'cos I love her to bits. I was shopping yesterday and picked up the cutest of cute preemie baby outfits for the little one. I'm really trying to face my demons.

But I am finding the family labor watch hard to take. We're getting regular updates. I have to be honest, I'd rather just get the call when baby comes as both DH & I are finding this all so triggering.

I really hope he makes it here before tomorrow (Emma's 7 month day). If he arrives on 14th I am going to find it so hard to take.

I guess all this will get easier. This is the first family baby since Emma and it's a whole lot of mixed emotions.


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

I can imagine that that would be terribly tough for you. Can you step away from the phone/email for a while, and spend some time looking after yourselves?


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

if not now, one day you will look back and you will pride yourself for being such a good friend. instead of being resentful or locked inside all day avoiding her, you talked to her and helped her.







: it is completely natural to feel sad. but you are going about it in a great way!


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## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

I'm so sorry. I hope you can somehow find some peace through all this....
I went to visit the first baby since my loss in NOv. last week. I went to about 4 shops looking for a baby girl outfit before I could walk out of it without crying. It was so hard and I was dreading the visit. It went ok...now I'm glad I went. But holding that little one was really hard.
You are being awesome and strong through this and I know she will appreciate it. I do hope everything goes ok with her birth.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

How hard.

Hoping and praying that he is born quickly today & that you can find some peace today.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Biggest







Jill!
It's such a hard place we're in.. of course not wanting anything to go wrong with others births, but it is hard sittin on the sidelines when our babies aren't with us. Getting those 'baby born' messages were very tough on me too.. esp. since they all came in OCTOBER! I've been SO very happy that my niece (who's 18 and had a baby in October, less than a month after Dresden was born) moved to Vegas 3 years ago.. so at least I don't have to see a baby at every family function! I've still got my cousin's babies - both born in October - but I don't see them as often. It's strange though, those Oct. babes are close in age to Dresden.. but I always picture him as a newborn.. so it's really still the wee lil' babies that get to me most.
I hope everything goes well for your BIL's family.. and please don't push yourself more than you need too.. They have to understand how this feels for you and your husband.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

So tough







I'm sorry


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

Oh, Jill.







It's so very hard. As you might know, my sister, my cousin and myself were all pregnant at the same time, one month apart. First Katie, then Gideon, then Lily. It was so hard for me when Lily was born - especially when we got the message on the answering machine that Barbie had given birth but Lily was in the NICU with lung problems !!! I had a mini heart attack. It was touch, but we actually went to WalMart and got a couple presents for Barbie and the baby. I even went into the NICU and held Lily for a few minutes. Oh my God, it was HARD. But I think that seeing Katie just after Gideon was born and seeing Lily then really helped to desensitize me. *hugs* to you while you deal with this. I hope that the little one is born today and not tomorrow. Also, I'll be around all day - if you want to talk, I'm here for you.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I hope you get your wish. BIG {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} mama.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Thank you for all your love & support. I have really appreciated it. He arrived via emergency section at around midday here. He was a better weight than expected so hasn't needed the trip to special care.

I'm doing okay. Facing up to it is always easier than the anticipation - and of course I'm so thrilled for them that LO is well.

Edited to add:
I've tried to update the thread title as I realise the information in this post is sensitive - I'll keep trying. Apologies if I offend anyone.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Aw, Jill.. so glad the babe has arrived safely. Huge hugs!


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Is he as small as they anticipated?

More HUGS for you, mama. I know it's so hard.









At least it's still the 13th. Are they close - location wise? Are you expected to visit, etc? *gulp*


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

I'm so glad he is here today and doing well. I'm also glad that it's getting a little bit easier on you. *hugs*


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

He was 5 and a half pounds so a whole lot bigger than anticipated. He is in special care after all as he's having difficulty maintaining his temperature but hopefully not for long.

They live an hour and half's drive away. DH is going to go from work on Friday as he has a half day and his work is already half way to them. I think my MIL thinks we should all be going but non siblings aren't allowed on maternity wards here so it would mean one of us chasing our kids around hospital corridors whilst the other visits. I'm relieved - we'll probably see them when we visit with my ILs in a couple of weeks. I'm feeling pretty comfortable about seeing him but, right now, I can't imagine holding him. Right now the space in my arms can only be filled by Emma's baby brother or sister.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I'm happy that this LO is here safely, and that momma is safe too.

I can't imagine how hard this has been for you and DH. It's bittersweet- you are happy for them, and sad, hurt and crying for you. I think it's very admirable for you to express how hard it is for you- as lots of us lock in those feelings







I really hope this gets easier for you, and think you are a wonderful aunt to this little one- still being there even though it's so hard for you! Blessings to you and your family!


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fireflyforever* 
Right now the space in my arms can only be filled by Emma's baby brother or sister.

*nodding*










_(I'm glad he's bigger than they thought... they often are.)_


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm glad that he arrived safely.







Many hugs to you for being so strong.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jess_paez* 
if not now, one day you will look back and you will pride yourself for being such a good friend.

Totally right on... Its hard not to be a vacuum of emotion, but sometimes we just have to do our best to find the joy in other's lives. Thank goodness for healthy baby and healthy mom.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

*HUGE hugs* my friend. You know, you're right - someday, the space in your arms will be filled.

I think when I give birth, and hold my living baby, I will be inconsolable for quite a while. There'll be a lot of emotion pouring out. I think only then will I be able to let go of everything I've been carrying like a bundle of twigs...

XXXX


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## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

oh Jill, i am sure this hasn't been easy! but it sounds like you're managing so well! i hope the universe will reward your good deeds with your rainbow baby soon!
i know what you mean about holding the baby, i haven't held a baby yet. almost everyone i know with babies had them around the day i lost Milos! and that feels too much of double whammy - a baby the same age, size, etc. as as he would be








... sorry i digress...
holding the baby could be therapeutic? or even fertility boosting? still, there is no need to rush to see or be near the baby if you don't feel ready. everyone should understand!

always glad to hear about a LO arriving safely but it is tinged with sadness until my own LO can arrive safely too, may sound selfish but it's how i feel, so i understand.







s to you new auntie and







: for your arms to be filled with Emma's sibling soon!


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

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you are being an incredible sil and aunt, jill. acknowledging that it is hard and continuing to do it, to support your family, is the very definition of strong, in my book.

sending you much love and grounding on this seven month mark. i'll be thinking of you and emma on this day.


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## mrsbub (Mar 17, 2009)

So glad Baby has arrived safely. I know you are in a difficult position, but it seems you are handling it with lots of grace. Congratulations!

I had a similar experience -- my cousin (she and I are closest in age of all the cousins) delivered her healthy baby girl on the SAME day as an u/s showed that my baby was no longer living. All day I was receiving pictures in emails and text msgs and everyone was all abuzz with her good news. I sent a congratulatory text, but that was all I could bring myself to do. I just couldn't figure a way to go visit her in the hospital or hold her little one, knowing I had lost my little one. Ultimately, I didn't have to make the decision as my miscarriage had me at home for two days.

A month later I sent a note and a gift to my cousin, explaining what had happened and how I had felt. I apologized for being absent in the first month of her daughter's life. She was very understanding and offered any support I might need. Another month later when I held her baby it was almost healing. I don't know why that makes sense, but holding her baby reminded me how much I wanted to hold one of my own. I knew then that I was ready and willing to face more heartache, testing whatever it took to get to that point.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

I am so impressed with your ability to BE with life...having lost a part of yours. You are giving me hope that I might be able to give of myself to others as I used to...right now I just feel raw...I am told that time heals all wounds...maybe, or maybe not..but your living proof that you can go beyond pain into love again...not holding back for others, even though your tears are still there. Thank you for your courage







...


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

Thinking of you Jill.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fireflyforever* 
He was 5 and a half pounds so a whole lot bigger than anticipated. He is in special care after all as he's having difficulty maintaining his temperature but hopefully not for long.

They live an hour and half's drive away. DH is going to go from work on Friday as he has a half day and his work is already half way to them. I think my MIL thinks we should all be going but non siblings aren't allowed on maternity wards here so it would mean one of us chasing our kids around hospital corridors whilst the other visits. I'm relieved - we'll probably see them when we visit with my ILs in a couple of weeks. I'm feeling pretty comfortable about seeing him but, right now, I can't imagine holding him. Right now the space in my arms can only be filled by Emma's baby brother or sister.

I feel the same way.. my arms are reserved! I haven't even had desire to hold any other babies.. I just want mine. And you know Jill.. you shouldn't feel bad about that, just do what you can on your terms. They HAVE to understand! and if they don't... well.. I dunno - just who cares!?


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