# Most embarrassing thing your child has said or done in public



## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

I have two great stories, SAME child mind you...
#1. I went to pay my water bill at the anex building in my town. As we are leaving I asked my oldest DS (4) to open the door so I could push the stroller out. I get half way out the door and hear the fire alarm go off!! Look behind me and my DS (2) was flipping the emergency switch up an down!







: I wanted to







but went back into the office and told them that it was a false alarm and my son had done it. ( mind you, the switch for the alarm was at eye level to a 2 yr old, being handicap accessible) The woman says, 'we still have to evacuate'. So there I am trying to get my kids into the car as fast as possible to leave and I see ppl pointing at me and laughing. I get the kids in the car, begin to drive away and here comes the fire trucks. Eli says, "look mommy. they come for me". he evacuated a 3 story building, aprox 400 people







:

#2. Took the kids to a local fishing place. We were walking down the boardwalk and up a ways was a woman walking twards us. Now this woman WAS walking like a hen, chest puffed out, butt stuck out. She was rather OVERLY endowed regardless. My DS (6) yells to the top of his lungs...
"DAMN SHE HAS SOME BIG TITTIES!!!"








OMG







I could have jumped in the water! Before I even realized it, I had poped him in the back of his head and said "Eli!!!" He got upset with me and started to cry, says "what did I do, she has big titties mommy, and daddy likes them big." By this time I could NOT STOP LAUGHING!







: I had to have a heart to heart about how it was ok for him to look and comment but just NOT to where the woman could hear him.


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## peaceful herbivore (Mar 17, 2005)

I can comment on something I did when I was little that my Mom still laughs about....

We used to drive my grandmom to church, and one day before chuch I had the photo albums out and was looking through them and saw one of my grandmom when she was younger, and was endlessly asking my mom questions about them...anyway...we were outside of the chuch and my mom and grandmom were socializing and here I say to my grandmom all loud:

MOMMY SHOWED ME YOUR PLAYBOY PICTURE







: lol

People were like, chuckling embarrassed and my mom had to explain that I was looking at pictures and that in one of them my grandmom had a PAGEboy (style) hair cut which was explained to me, but I guess I muddled up the words...

That was one I thought of...not too shocking these days I guess but for an older lady in front of her friends at church, you can imagine a bit embarrassing...


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## Gidget (Aug 31, 2002)

OMG! I am dying over here about the big titties. ROFLMAO! My oldest did the fire alarm trick once. I went to sign him up for headstart and on the way in he saw the red handle. I told him to leave it alone as I talked to the receptionist. I heard it go off and did not need to turn around to know who did it. The worst part was that they still had to evacuate all the kids anyway. And on the way out the door I heard fire trucks. I was sooo embarrassed. It actually turned out that the fire trucks were going to an actual fire elsewhere.

I am told that dh did the same thing in a nursing home. Man, poor poor old people having to be evacuated.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

So far all that comes to mind is dd farting loudly and repeatedly while I was talking to the family lawyer at the free legal clinic. But she's young, I'm sure she's just warming up.


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## Gidget (Aug 31, 2002)

Here's another one. When Eddie was about 3 we went to the store. I was alone in the aisle and took the opportunity to let a silent one loose. Well, it was also deadly. Ds kept sniffing at the air, pew! What stinks! Something smells like dog poo! Yuck! What IS that smell. So, then as an employee makes his way by us, Eddie finally realizes the source and says, Ewwww, mom! Did you fart?!?! And anyone with toddlers knows none of this was spoken quietly.


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

My dd #2 pulled her pant and panties down in an asile of a very busy store because her "because something is wong with my panties" I had the baby in my arms and dh was 20 feet away and I couldnt get his attention very well to come help me with her pants. Dh thought she was getting ready to go pee right there untill I told him what she had said.


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## Momalea (Dec 29, 2002)

I was in Home Depot with my dd who was about 3 at the time. I was holding her on my hip and asking a question to someone who worked there when dd says (loudly): "I can feel the nipples through your shirt and bra!" (Naturally, she'd been feeling me up the entire time and I hadn't even noticed).


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momalea*
I was in Home Depot with my dd who was about 3 at the time. I was holding her on my hip and asking a question to someone who worked there when dd says (loudly): "I can feel the nipples through your shirt and bra!" (Naturally, she'd been feeling me up the entire time and I hadn't even noticed).









: I just spit my tea on my desk!


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## spsmom (Jun 19, 2004)

i think i just pee'd a little! this is too funny. i think this is the first time in a long itme that i am actually laughing out loud. my sides hurt.

i can't hink of anything right now, but i will keep reading for more entertainment!


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

These are hysterical keep them coming!


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## dynamicdoula (Jun 11, 2004)

Most recently:

Niall (4 in a few weeks) walked up to a man who was also waiting for his son to get out of karate class, and said, "You're fat." The man replied, "What did you just say?" Niall repeats: "You're fat. You have a big belly."

Same child, a few days later, to the black woman who was carrying my cart out at the grocery store: "You have brown lips."

Dryden when he was 3, in the grocery store: "Owww!! Stop hitting me!!! WE DON'T HIT!" (I was NOT hitting him! lol)

Niall recently potty trained, and a couple of my favorite stories...

We were at the DMV and I was signing my driver's license while he counted chairs. Or so I thought... I turned around to tell him it was time to go and see him outside (the facade of the DMV was glass), bare butted, whippin it out to pee right there on the sidewalk. LOL

Another time he peed on the chair he was sitting on while we were in the dojo watching Dryden in karate class.

Another time he grabbed my MIL's breasts and asked her if she had milk in them. He did it to my mom, too.

Fun, fun, fun!


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Not done in public, but funny as ****
quick history, my 3 boys are with X husband, 1st DD (Jenna) with X b/f and newby by hubby

ELI.. of course... comes home from shcool and asks "mommy what is a bastard?"
after explaining to him (in front of his older brother, Chaz) he says, "well am I a bastard then?" I told him no, mommy and daddy got married when you were in mommys tummy, so we were married when you were born. Chaz gets a upset look on his face and says..."MAN, that means I am a bastard!!!"
Eli in return says to Chaz,
"Its okay Chaz, Jenna is a bastard too!"

I about died laughing!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

I got my first "why does that women have a big fat belly" from my 3 1/2 y.o. a couple of days ago. We were about 4 feet away and, of course, he leaned in for a closer look while repeating the question more loudly. I was afraid he was going to start following her to examine it more closely! The belly was directly at eye level for ds, and very thinly clad, so it was a very unusual sight for him. I just replied that people come in different shapes and sizes and that's just how she is. The woman looked at him but didn't make eye contact with me, so I didn't say anything to her. I'm sure my son's look of fascination is etched on her memory







.


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## nycapmom (Jan 30, 2005)

My 4yo says a lot of funny things in public but his latest was in front of my ILs "did you know penises come in all different colors?"


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## cmb123 (Dec 30, 2004)

One that sticks in my head..
A few years ago, I was watching my friends son during the day while she was at work. She was so relieved to have him at my house with my lovely AP lifestyle and GD approach to parenting....until..one day, her son (then 4)had apparently gone home with one of my dd's toys without her permission (she had just turned 3 at the time). So, she see's him coming up the walk with this toy in his hand, he open the front door, she comes walking down the stairs and yells "WILLIAM! I"M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
Yep...that's my girl...


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

This is not a good thread for me right now. I have my DS napping on my lap and I have to pee as it is!

Anyway&#8230; My DS is a fart hound. If you even let a small one slip in public and he catches it whiff, he'll start waving his hand in front of his nose shouting "Peeyew, did you fart? That's gross.. eww&#8230; scusting (disgusting)" :LOL

Another one. He had a little chapping on his penis a while back so I put some Burts bees diaper cream on him. DP called it dick cream







now whenever DS sees a tube of cream, he'll shout dick cream. Yesterday, we were at my moms and her husband was looking at his prescription cream for eczema that he has just picked up. DS yells "Toopa (grandpa) is that dick cream for your penis?" We all just about died laughing.


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## babygirl24 (Jun 29, 2004)

My DS, now 14, at about 3 knew his grandmother bowled a lot. She was holding him and she is very large breasted. Well, he got curious and started poking her. We just watched and he finally said "you got bowling ball in there, grandma?" LOL We love repeating it now that he is older!

Same child and maybe a little older I was driving and complaining about the older lady in front of us that coulnt drive. Well as it turns out she pulled into our apartment complex and DS was being very perceptive. He knew which lady it was when we got out and started to scream "hey old lady, you cant drive" I am not sure, but I think I had my hand over his mouth by the word cant. LOL

DD just turned 2 and yesterday at Target she saw the bra section and screamed "lots of boobs mom" She calls the bras boobs. When she sees me put on my bra she says I am "putting on my boobs" LOL


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

DS is only 6 months, so no stories from me yet. I'm getting a kick out of the others, though!

I have one about my mom's coworker. Her DS was having some difficulty potty training. Coworker and her DS were in Michael's (craft store) one day and she told her DS "if you have one more potty accident, you're going to get a spanking". (yeah, not exactly the best way to go about it) Well, she turned around a little while later to see her DS with his pants down peeing in the fake potted tree in the store! :LOL


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

When my first was younger, he asked me what my tampons were for. I stumbled and said, "uh...they're mummy bandaids".
Fast forward to him being 4 yrs and us spending the day with a male friend I had just started dating. I had cut my finger and as my friend was helping me with it, up runs ds holding a tampon screaming "its okay mummy! I got your mummy bandaid right here!"







: Now, I'm not too uptight about these issues now, but back then, and with a potential new beau, I was. He laughed pretty hard; I turned beat red and we stopped seeing each other shortly after.


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## party_of_seven (May 10, 2004)

Just about two weeks ago, I was at the library with my kids. We were sitting at the small tables an putting together some puzzles while we waited for story time to start. A friend of mine walked past us who was about 40 weeks pregnant.

My 3 year old looked at her like







. She turned to me and said "Mom, that lady is FAT!" just as loud as she could. (remember, this is in the library)

I turned to her and said, "No, honey, she just has a baby in her tummy".

My daughter looked at me and said, "Well, why did she do THAT?"

I said, "Because she wanted to have another baby"

She just looked at me







and said, "How did it get in there?"

:LOL

I headed off the conversation before it could deteriorate any further. Then we discussed it in 3 yo terms when we got home.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Mommy bandaid reminded me...
If this one does not get you all rolling on the floor I QUIT!

About 3 months ago my DD-Jenna(2) seen me putting a pad into my panties and asked if mommy had a booboo.. trying to explain it on a 2yr old level l told her it was a MOMMY DIAPER.
Two weeks later,I was on the chair nursing Ona and DD went to the potty by herself. She had on a dress and asked me to help with her panties. . A few min later Jenna jumps up says "I be back, you stay there mommy, I be back"
I thought that maybe she needed to go to the potty again.
wellllllllllllllllll.... a few moments later she comes back and says. "mommy, I need you help" I look down beside the chair where she is standing with her dress up to her armpits. I about DIED when I seen her trying to pull her panties up again with one of my panty liners sticking out the top. When I asked what she was doing she replied "I wear one of you diapers mommy. I am a big girl all by myself I put one of you diapers on. Help me pull my panties up please"


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## LovemyBoo (Oct 11, 2004)

Ok, this wasn't in "public" but we had friends over and it was muy embarrassing.









Our master bedroom is right off of the main bathroom on the first floor. Ds was about 3 and went in to use the potty, told me he didn't need any help. Well I must have left our bedroom door open because he comes back into the living room a few minutes later saying, "Mommy, I found this under your bed, is this a toy?"

It was a "toy" alright. The kind you find in an X-rated toy store.







:LOL Our friends laughed themselves stupid and I just about died. It's funny now, 3 years later. Back then, not so much.

I should be glad that that is the worst my kids have done to me so far.














:


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

OMG keep them rolling the last 2 are even more hysterical!


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## Nature (Mar 12, 2005)

This thread is great! Dh and I have been laughing so freakin hard!







:

Here's mine... My dd (about 5 at the time) and I were shopping. We were in the grocery store, and I was leaning over the butter isle trying to pick out one. My dd says in the loudest voice imaginable, and completly out of nowhere. "Mama? What's SEX?" I stammered and stuttered, very aware the no one was shopping around us, they were just staring at me. "Umm, why do you ask?" I managed to get out. "Because I heard it on a cd my father plays in the truck."
Whew! See? It wasn't my fault! :LOL I told her I'd be glad to talk about it once we got home.

Of all places for her to ask...the butter isle? LOL

She asks questions about babies and tampons and sex a lot since her sister was born. The other day she said, (now 6 1/2) "Okay, I know the sperm goes into the egg to make a baby. But how does it get to the egg? Does it come out of the mans mouth?"







:







:

Oh I forgot to add, she asked me the other day totally serious. "Mom? How long does sex last? A couple of weeks?" LOL







:


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## L.J. (Nov 20, 2001)

My 3 year old....
....at the cute, single male neighbors house.....the guy who just a few hours earlier asked me out on a first date......

"No, I don't want milk. My mommie makes milk for me in her nipples. Right here (pointing). See?"







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

OMG this is hands down one of the funniest threads I have ever read lol. All that come to mind involve my son
















1. Ds was about 3 or so. He got a new jacket that he loved, and he would pretend he was a super hero guy when he wore it. My dad (not super great with little kids as a general rule, not mean or anything, but he just doesn't "get them" KWIM?) came to visit us one Saturday afternoon. Ds had recently visited his biological father and learned some words he'd not heard before, and waited for my dad to show up to try them out lol. He puts on his super hero jacket and starts pretending to "fight". Suddenly he screams "Im going to get you! You guys are big PUSSIES! Im a HARD ASS!" I nearly died. My father just got wide eyed and said "Did he just say what I think he said?"









2. When my Ds was about 4 we were at a department store doing some shopping. He had to go potty so we went to the restrooms only to find that the womens' was having some issues at the moment and was being repaired. There was another womens restroom up a flight of stairs, but I knew Ds couldn't make it. Now he had been doing well with going potty for awhile, but cleaning up after pooping was still an issue for him. He says "Mom, I can go in the mens room real fast. I just have to pee."

I really had no other choice so I stand right outside the door and let him go. He is taking forever and im getting nervous when I hear "Mooooommm, I had to poop. Can you help wipe my butt?" I opened the door just a crack and yelled "Is anyone in here?? Ive got to come in. Sorry!" I hear nothing and go in. There is this guy standing there peeing at urinal and he turns around and shows me everything! It was just a bizarre experience. Oh, and for weeks I saw that guy everywhere... the bank, the dr's office, the mall.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmb123*
A few years ago, I was watching my friends son during the day while she was at work. She was so relieved to have him at my house with my lovely AP lifestyle and GD approach to parenting....until..one day, her son (then 4)had apparently gone home with one of my dd's toys without her permission (she had just turned 3 at the time). So, she see's him coming up the walk with this toy in his hand, he open the front door, she comes walking down the stairs and yells "WILLIAM! I"M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"
Yep...that's my girl...

OK, this wins for my favorite from page one! Going to read page two now...


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

:


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Well, fortunately I was the only one here when this happened, but here goes. Several months ago, dd who was 2.5 at the time, came downstairs with a tube of Astroglide and a box of condoms and asked, "Is this for bums, Mommy?" She thought it was diaper cream!

Yesterday I had an appointment with my mw to check my IUD insertion. I told dd that I had to go see Cindy to have my yoni checked. Dd went to dh's office for the afternoon. Well, dd blurted out loudly in the office, "Daddy, is Cindy taking the hair off of Mommy's yoni?" Where she came up with that one is beyond me!


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*
OMG this is hands down one of the funniest threads I have ever read lol. All that come to mind involve my son















There is this guy standing there peeing at urinal and he turns around and shows me everything! It was just a bizarre experience. Oh, and for weeks I saw that guy everywhere... the bank, the dr's office, the mall.

















the question is... did HE see you everywhere that you seen him?
umm AROUND TOWN I mean :LOL


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*







the question is... did HE see you everywhere that you seen him?
umm AROUND TOWN I mean :LOL


Man I hope not lol. If he did he was probably thinking that I was either crazy and stalking him, or that he was such hot stuff I was following him around for that. :LOL


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## chapulina (Feb 18, 2003)

in a restaurant: "Amy, sit down in the chair. I don't want you to fall."

Amy: (loudly, which is her usual tone of voice) "I can't; my vulva hurts."


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## mumm (May 23, 2004)

We are at the library, and I am up checking out books while the just turned 2 year old girl and 4 year old boy are hanging out near the puzzles and play stuff. My daughter had been wanting to climb on the chairs all day, so when my son says "Uh oh, Mom, Look what she is doing," I assumed it was standing/climbing on the chair. (I couldn't see around the book stacks) I say "one second." Daughter then walks around the corner stark naked with a long skinny book between her legs saying "Penis, Penis, Penis."







: I swear she stripped in seconds. The library was pretty empty. I'm bringing the librarians cookies tomorrow.









I must say that it seemed cute the first couple times she did this in the privacy of our home!


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

:


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## because (Sep 11, 2003)

DD was standing beside me in the stall of a public restroom as I did what one does in a bathroom and starts saying, "Ew Mommy. Stinky!" repeatedly. The woman in the next stall managed to muffle her laughs somewhat...

We were at BIL's birthday dinner at MIL's house and DD blamed me for a toot that her 2 year old cousin let...

DD likes to stick her hand down the neck of my shirt at the WORST times and feel around in great big swirling motions. She usually wait until I'm holding her in one arm and a grocery bag or something in the other so I can't stop her...


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

I'm soooo gonna win this:
a couple months ago at dinner in this really small thai restaurant where you sit right next to another table, dp was talking about some guy he knew. I was asking him to describe the guy to me, and dd pipes up with "is he GAY dad? does he dress GAY?" like, at the top of her lungs, mind you. And we were sitting next to two clearly gay young men out on a date. and dp was so flustered that he kept saying "what? what are you talking about?" and she kept going "GAY!!!! does he dress GAY? like those 2 guys-ya know, GAY?????" i know those poor guys must have thought that we put her through some sort of "pick out the gay people" education at home. i was mortified.







:

and as it if that isn't bad enough, one night i had a dinner party. and when i was getting jade dressed for bed, i got her out some panties. and she runs out of her bedroom into the dining area yelling "i don't wanna wear panties. YOU never do. AND, my mommy has no fur on her vulva!"







boy, am i ever a popular host...

i've posted both these stories before, but they are winners...


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## CarolynnMarilynn (Jun 3, 2004)

Oh Mama Ganoush, that one just killed me .. you know, about your yoni's hair status to your dinner party!

Carolynn


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## hypatia (Apr 29, 2002)

This is not really THAT embarrassing, but anyway.

Yesterday in the mall, as we walked by Victoria's Secret, DS (17 months), pointed at the mannequins in the window and said "Bra." Real Loud.


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## Gidget (Aug 31, 2002)

Here is one my sister told me one time. Sis and her IL's took niece out to eat at a nice restaurant. I think she was about 18 or so months. She had been sick and was getting tired. My sister had a napkin on the table she had been using to wipe nieces mocos with. Well dn had enough and in a rare fit of tantrum, picked up the nasty tissue and threw it. Right into a plate at a table near them. Not really humorous, but highly rmbarassing. Sister said she wanted to just disappear.


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## Tummy's Riah (Mar 24, 2005)

SIGH! When I was Six months pregnant with my first and only child, my husband Justin and i had taken our nephew Austin (3) to the beach. I am not one, and have never been one, to be embarrassed of my body so i was wearing my normal bikini. While sitting on the beach under an umbrella my nephew stood up in from of umpteen hundred people and declared "aunt ashli is going to have a baby girl!"... Everyone that it was cute until he said "aunt ashli isnt the baby inside of your belly?" I said "yes austin very good". He got a confused look on his face and said "well, your booty is huge..do you think you are having two? " omg..the shame..


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## bendmom (Sep 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumm*
Daughter then walks around the corner stark naked with a long skinny book between her legs saying "Penis, Penis, Penis."









:

That takes the cake!


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Not my child ... but, as my sister will tell you, _highly_ embarrassing.

She was riding the bus with my nephew, who was about 2, & he pointed at a random male passenger & asked "MOMMY? DOES THAT MAN HAVE A PENIS??"


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy's Riah*
When I was Six months pregnant with my first and only child, my husband Justin and i had taken our nephew Austin (3) to the beach. I am not one, and have never been one, to be embarrassed of my body so i was wearing my normal bikini. While sitting on the beach under an umbrella my nephew stood up in from of umpteen hundred people and declared "aunt ashli is going to have a baby girl!"... Everyone that it was cute until he said "aunt ashli isnt the baby inside of your belly?" I said "yes austin very good". He got a confused look on his face and said "well, your booty is huge..do you think you are having two? " omg..the shame..

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner for page two! :LOL


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama ganoush*
I'm soooo gonna win this:
a couple months ago at dinner in this really small thai restaurant where you sit right next to another table, dp was talking about some guy he knew. I was asking him to describe the guy to me, and dd pipes up with "is he GAY dad? does he dress GAY?" like, at the top of her lungs, mind you. And we were sitting next to two clearly gay young men out on a date. and dp was so flustered that he kept saying "what? what are you talking about?" and she kept going "GAY!!!! does he dress GAY? like those 2 guys-ya know, GAY?????" i know those poor guys must have thought that we put her through some sort of "pick out the gay people" education at home. i was mortified.







:

and as it if that isn't bad enough, one night i had a dinner party. and when i was getting jade dressed for bed, i got her out some panties. and she runs out of her bedroom into the dining area yelling "i don't wanna wear panties. YOU never do. AND, my mommy has no fur on her vulva!"







boy, am i ever a popular host...

i've posted both these stories before, but they are winners...









OMG I thought the penis in the library was hysterical until I read this and fell on the floor!


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## girlzmommy00 (May 15, 2003)

I have a few.

When my oldest was about 3, we were in line at MCD's. When it was our turn, we stepped up to the counter. She made eye contact with the man (looked like the manager) about to take our order, pointed directly at him & said "Look Mommy, it's a fat man!" I know he heard her. I then had to stand there since he had taken our order & I had to get the food & pay. So I was stuck standing there with this poor man for a good 5 minutes when I just wanted to grab DD & run.

My youngest likes to grab things when she used to sit in the basket of the shopping cart. An elderly man had his back to us to get something off the shelf. As we passed him, she reached out & grabbed his behind. I hauled ass away since I didn't want him to think it was me.

My youngest also doesn't understand the difference between farting & pooping. She's 2. One day my ex was over & they were on the couch together. He must have farted since I heard her say "Daddy, you pooped??" I could hear him trying to say no & explain. So she just got louder "No Daddy, you pooped!" The more he denied it & then didn't respond, she just kept repeating herself, louder & louder. When I walked into the room, she made a point to announce it to me, too.

And just this past weekend, our town had an egg hunt. My 2 year old has a hard time saying some "h" words. She told everyone that we were going to the "egg c*nt"


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

May I add one more?

When one of my ds was about 4, a friend and I took him to a restaurant for dinner. The waitress takes our order then asks us for our drink order. She asks ds directly, "what would you like to drink sir?" He replies very politely, "I'll have a beer please". She raises her eyebrow; we laugh and I say, root beer please. "No mummy, not root beer, BEER! I want REAL BEER!" Ha Ha, no honey, you mean root beer. "NO MUMMY! I want beer! You give me real beer at home, why cant I have it here?!"

Thanks kid.....







:

p.s. he never tried real beer at home, still not sure where that all came from....


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## circlek (Jan 13, 2003)

Ok so my son calls nursing udside mama. So on Christmas eve we were at my parents house with my whole family, where we traditionally open pajamas as a gift. My older sister Rachelle's shirt was a little bit see through and she is pretty well endowed. Here comes my 3 year old who climbs up in her lap, looks her in the eyes, smiles, and says, I wanna have udside Rachelle. Everyone in the house was rolling on the floor. So with that kind of a reaction he starts going through all the girls in the room. I wanna have udside Grandma. I wanna have udside Jessica. I wanna have udside Tiffany. And he's laughing hysterically everytime he says it.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama ganoush*
I'm soooo gonna win this:
a couple months ago at dinner in this really small thai restaurant where you sit right next to another table, dp was talking about some guy he knew. I was asking him to describe the guy to me, and dd pipes up with "is he GAY dad? does he dress GAY?" like, at the top of her lungs, mind you. And we were sitting next to two clearly gay young men out on a date. and dp was so flustered that he kept saying "what? what are you talking about?" and she kept going "GAY!!!! does he dress GAY? like those 2 guys-ya know, GAY?????" i know those poor guys must have thought that we put her through some sort of "pick out the gay people" education at home. i was mortified.







:

Okay so not embarassing, but a cute story about me when I was young. I was about 5, and recently learned what a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" was. My parents had taken me to a Nuclear Freeze demonstration (yup it was the 1970's and yup they were hippies). So the end of the march was at a park where everyone has a picinic and listened to music. I was a friendly kid and started making friends with the guy sitting next to us. I looked at the man he was with and asked, "Is that your boyfriend?". He smiled at me and my parents and said, "Yes, he is." My parents thought it was great, I never blinked and kept on talking to them about all kinds of stuff the rest of the day.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Oh man these are hysterical! Kids are great!

I have two - both are the same ds.....

DS (now 11) is around 2 and we are in the grocery store. He keeps fidgeting with his pants in the front so I asked him if he needed to go potty. He answered no. But he keeps messing with his pants so I asked him again, "Son do you need to go potty." He again says no. Well, by now he is literally pulling on his privates through his pants. So I get down on my knee and look in his face and say DS - do you need to go potty. He is getting irritated at me so he answers very loud and frustrated
"NO - I'm just fixing my PENIS"

At around 9 years old - ds is arguing with the neighbor boy. NB has a friend over and they are doing that whole - we are two and you are only one - crap. They are definitely making ds feel like a third wheel. So friend of NB starts picking on ds and calling him names, to get ds to leave. Friend of NB then shoves his shoulder into my sons shoulder and calls him a name. So ds walks off to go get his daddy. As he is walking off - he turns and yells (on a Saturday with neighbors in their yards!)

FUC*ING IDIOT

I always say that that is my proudest moment as a mom!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *girlzmommy00*
And just this past weekend, our town had an egg hunt. My 2 year old has a hard time saying some "h" words. She told everyone that we were going to the "egg c*nt"


ROFL :LOL


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *circlek*
Ok so my son calls nursing udside mama. So on Christmas eve we were at my parents house with my whole family, where we traditionally open pajamas as a gift. My older sister Rachelle's shirt was a little bit see through and she is pretty well endowed. Here comes my 3 year old who climbs up in her lap, looks her in the eyes, smiles, and says, I wanna have udside Rachelle.

Oh man I love this...







:LOL


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

At the post office&#8230;

DC squatted and held a short red string up to her vagina and yelled, "Look, mama, I have my period!"


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vermillion*
DS yells "Toopa (grandpa) is that dick cream for your penis?" We all just about died laughing.

:LOL


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
At the post office&#8230;

DC squatted and held a short red string up to her vagina and yelled, "Look, mama, I have my period!"


:LOL


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

I don't know if I can describe this well enough to paint the picture, but here goes.

Dd and I are at the store and I'm pushing the cart. She starts saying in a calling voice, "mommeee, where are you, mommmeee?" I chuckle, "honey I'm right here." "NO! Mommeee, mommeee where are yoooooouuu?" And then this smart ass grin on her face as everyone starts to look at me like I'm a kidnapper!!! TG I go to the store regulalry and have since dd was born. Egads child!


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

okay, i've got one from just this week i think. dd1 (4) does lots of 4 year old things like make up silly words. she's very verbal and actually usually a little shy, but this day recently at the HFS co-op she was being very friendly with the bag guy. they were chatting about her ballerina outfit and what not and then she volunteers, "i used to call mommy's milkies 'milkies', but now i call them 'nilnies'."









i should have just shut up, but we had had some issues earlier in the trip about playing with the "nilnies" in the store and i very tight-lipped-ly told her to not talk about that. all the while the bag guy (probably 23 or so and childless) tried to continue the conversation with a "oh, how did they get that name?". i don't think he even knew what she was talking about, but he probably figured it out after my reaction.


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## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

These are hysterical!!

We were at Lula's art class when I noticed her scratching a lot behind her ear. I took a peek, and sure enough, she had some dry skin and was scratching herself raw. I whispered to her that I would clean it when we got home and to stop picking at it.

Welllll, of course she then said loudly to the teacher, "Miss Deb! I have to tell you two things! My ear is crusty, and my mommy needs to wash it!"







:


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## umefey (Sep 10, 2004)

This is tooooo much..
My little ones are still too small for stories like these.. hehe


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

I will do my best. Goo has learned that girls have vulvas, boys have penises.

G: "Daddy? You have a penis"
Dr F.: "yes, I have a penis"
me: "Yes, a small penis"
Dr. F: "no no no, big"
G:" No daddy, you have a small penis"

Now she has decided she was wrong and will out of NOWHERE start asking
"Daddy? Do you have a big penis?"
Dr. Foo's answer is always yes.
You should see the smirks

And number 2:
We recently went out without a diaper bag. Well, Goo did a great poop in her pullup. You know, one that can't be dropped in the potty. So I tell her "we are going commando!" The woman in the next stall snorked so loudly I wasn't sure if she could breathe anymore!
Then Goo runs out and says "Daddy, I'm commando! I feel my pants on my vulva!"


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Ds was with my dad watching a show about chimpanzees. He stated, "that chimpanzee has huge balls, just like daddy." My dad was dying and made sure to ask dh about this when he got home from work; "so I hear they are as big as chimpanzee balls?" Thank goodness my dad and dh are goofballs.

The last few times someone has asked ds how old he was this is how it goes.

How old are you?
Four.
Oh you're two? (in a teasing tone)
NO I'M FOUR, FOUR GET IT?? UGGGHHHHHH!!(In a nasty, what are you stupid?? tone)

He does not find it amusing to be teased about his age. So far he has been unamused by my OB, a nurse, a waiter and a poor older woman at the store.


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## AmandaBL (Aug 3, 2004)

nak

4 yr old ds had a tampon out of the wrapper and aplicator, and was holding the string & twirling it around really fast over his little head. the bad part was that we were at church, durring the singing, in the 3rd pew. i was standing & he was sitting, so no telling how long it went on. the other church goers were quite amused.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Okay, here's mine.

The backstory: When my dd was about 3, I gave her a few of those low-carb jelly beans, not knowing that they "may cause intestinal distress." They'd never "distressed" me, and I'd had them a few times.

So of course this is on a car trip. My poor child -- and it was all my fault!!!





















-- having to stop and basically pee out of the south hole every mile or so. Fabulous mom moment.

Anyway, fast forward a few months to the convenience store. We're paying for our stuff when dd notices the candy at eye level, and sure enough, there were jelly beans.

"I don't want to get those jelly beans," she said loudly, and added, "They cause BAD DIARRHEA!!" Turning to the cashier, she said, "I hate diarrhea, don't you?"

The cashier, completely rollin' with the punches, said, "Yeah, honey, but it's better out than in, don't you think?"

"Yeah," said my daughter. "But I'd rather have constipation."








:


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## Lisa Lubner (Feb 27, 2004)

at our favorite chinese food restaurant...

we're finishing up, my son is walking around checking things out (there was hardly anything there)... i notice him squatting under one of the tables, didn't think much of it... thought he was just chillin under the table...

he gets out and walks over to us at the register (DH was paying for our food)... a TURD rolls out of the bottom of his pants, and onto the carpet!!! scooped it up with a wipe REAL FAST and left. i don't even know if anyone saw, but i still didn't show my face there for about a year.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WitchyMama2*
:

Oh I forgot to add, she asked me the other day totally serious. "Mom? How long does sex last? A couple of weeks?" LOL







:

Man, is SHE ever in for a disappointment.


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

When my ds was 3, I was pregnant with his sister... We had talked about girls parts and boys parts, so he was curious as to what everyone else had. We were in church one Sunday, and he was sitting on his Godmothers lap, and asked her very loudly "Do you have a vagina. J****??" I just about died.

Forward a few months, same church, we are waiting for Mass to start. He says "Mom, guess what??" I say "What?" Things quiet down, Mass is about to start, and he proclaims "We match! I have a red shirt, and you have RED UNDERWEAR!!" I had a red face, too!

This was the same child that asked my mom why her nuh-nuhs were so small...


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## Azreial (Jul 14, 2004)

My ds wanted a baby brother for long time. Well when he was for almost everytime we went out to eat and the waitress would ask him what he would like he would always say "a baby brother" He did that one time when we went out with a fairly new bf for lunch. I tried to cover it up by interjecting with a lunch choice for him but then he yelled "I don't want that I WANT A BABY BROTHER"


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

:
(My DD is still too young to embarass me, but I'm sure the day is fast approaching.)


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## allbrightmama (Aug 8, 2004)

When my father's step daughter (6 yo at the time I think) asked to go to church with him one Sunday he was happy to bring her. About halfway through the service she turns to him and whispers "Is the priest a prostitute?" He didn't hear her so he asked "What did you say?" She repeated very loudly "Is the priest a prostitute?" When my father didn't answer right away she added, again loudly, "Because he is wearing a dress so he's a prostitute right?"
I wish I had been there to see the look on his face!


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## umefey (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *allbrightmama*
When my father's step daughter (6 yo at the time I think) asked to go to church with him one Sunday he was happy to bring her. About halfway through the service she turns to him and whispers "Is the priest a prostitute?" He didn't hear her so he asked "What did you say?" She repeated very loudly "Is the priest a prostitute?" When my father didn't answer right away she added, again loudly, "Because he is wearing a dress so he's a prostitute right?"
I wish I had been there to see the look on his face!


That's hilarious!!!


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## NightOwl (Sep 12, 2004)

Well I'm pregnant with my 1st, so he can't embarrass me yet. Ha...unless you count the times my breasts start leaking when I least expect it. :LOL

But I have a lot of stories from my siblings:

Brother S when a toddler was in the store with my parents. He wants something and my parents won't let him have it. So, he's throwing a tantrum and my parents are trying to calm him down. And he starts yelling "Mama, don't beat me! Please don't beat me Mama!" No idea where he got that one from!

When Brother S was around the same age we're in a department store and he's sitting in the cart. I was about 10 at the time. I start noticing this poopy smell and finally figured it out that it was coming from my brother. I tried to tell my stepmom but she was too distracted. So, I walk up ahead of them a ways to look at something and get away from the smell. Well, they pass me in the cart and I go to catch up with them. And notice a trail of turds down the aisle! My brother was pulling turds out of his pants and throwing them on the floor!!! When my stepmom finally realized what he was doing she just got us out of there as fast as she could!

Brother M had a speech impediment until he was about 6 because his tongue was attached to the bottom of his mouth. He couldn't say certain sounds very well. For example, he called "Kool-aid" "Tool-aid." Well, my name is Christie and he couldn't say that correctly. He called me "Titsy."!









When I was 16 I was hanging out with my boyfriend at my house. My Brother K, who was about 7, comes in and asks me why I have lots of little black dots on my nose. He was talking about blackheads.







:

When Brother K was about 5 we were at my grandfather's house swimming in his pool. My grandfather was the only one in the pool at the moment and he goes underwater and swims across the pool. My brother yells "Look at the fat boy swim!" lol!! Luckily my grandfather was under water and didn't hear it!


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

All right, I have one...and it's not my daughter. It's me.







:

When I was about 4, my father, a professor at a Jesuit university, had a job interview at a prestigious big 10 university. He had gone through several stages of interviewing and the school had flown him and his family (me, mom, and my 1yo brother) to campus. The department head took us all out to dinner.

At dinner, the first thing I did was spill my ice water into the department head's lap. Apparently he was understanding at this point.

Then, a bit later, he asked me how I thought my dad would like to work at this university. I said, "Is my dad going to be the only Jewish person at this school, too?"

My dad and mom nearly choked on their food. The department head asked if that was generally a problem, and my dad made an excuse about me misunderstanding something he'd said, and that no, of course it's not a problem, etc.

He didn't get the job. Ouch.


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## AmandaBL (Aug 3, 2004)

*"Is my dad going to be the only Jewish person at this school, too?"*

Now that's funny! He should have sued! :LOL


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## muldey (May 8, 2002)

I am just














: !!This thread is too funny!
Here's one about my ds,he had just turned 3.He was sitting in the van with my friend,who was very pregnant.I had went into a discount store.Ds decided to call everyone who walked by f







ing f







ers,at the top of his lungs!!







(thanks dh!







: ) My friend thought it was the funniest thing.She was rolling and telling everyone"he's not mine,I can laugh!"I came out of the store wondering why everyone was staring at my dad's van,and why my friend was laughing so hard.She told my dad and I after we were in the van,when she could catch her breath.

This same child would tell my dad goodnight everynight by saying "Bye f







er!".My dad actually got upset when he finally stopped doing that,he said "Saying goodnight to Gabe just isn't the same anymore!"with a sad look on his face, :LOL .

This one also involves the same child.He loves his pacifier,and had one on the table.He asks dh "Daddy can I have my nuky?"Dh-"you mean this one that looks like a penis(it did,but







: )" Ds-"it is a penis!" as he shoved it into his mouth,laughing his little butt off.Dh teaches his son such lovely things!









Just today,ds again.He had eaten some saltines with pb and j,and a short while after starts tugging at his diaper."I have to take it off!"he says.He takes it off,and he had cracker crumbs all over his penis.He says"I have a crunchy peepee Mama!Can you wipe it?" :LOL


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## mommyofshmoo (Oct 25, 2004)

I suppose grandparents don't count as "public", but...

My dd went through a heavy "self exploration" phase during and post potty training. She generally had her underwear off at home so she could go potty when she needed.

Anyway, she was watching tv with grandpa and I was in the kitchen. She reaches down and diddles herself, then smells her finger, then sticks her finger under grandpa's nose and says "Grampa, smell it! Peeuuuu!"

I am very glad my FIL is much more mellow than my side of the family!


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## monkaha (Jan 22, 2004)

:

I'm sitting here laughing so hard my eyes are watering!! I can't think of anything that DD has said-apparently they were so bad that I've repressed them. :LOL


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## sassytap (Feb 26, 2002)

I'm so glad I found this! I needed to laugh tonight







Afew stories to add. All very LOUD mind you.

Echo at 2 1/2 in the grocery store: "Look at that woman's REALLY BIG pretty butt!" About the large lady in front of us in line wearing brightly flowered pants.

Echo just a week or 2 later walking through the parking lot: "Look how shiny that man's head is!" about the prematurely bald young man walking to his car.

To nana after an unfulfilling piggy back ride: "Mama does it better. She has a good round butt. Yours got "flatted". Nana laughing "Mama has a good round butt huh?" Echo: "Yup daddy likes it too". (needless to say nana has relayed this one to the whole family!)

Echo yesterday after many questions about the pope's death, getting old, how bodies die etc... as we are walking to the grocery store: "Mom! Look how old she is! She'll probably die ANY TIME!"

Saffron 14-18 months whenever we we were out in public: "BOOBIES! I WANNA DRINK BOOBIES!"

Saffron (2 yrs old) lately has started finding flatulence HYSTERICAL. Anything having to do with farting MUST be announced LOUDLY with much giggling and she has figured out how to amplify her own farts in ways that would do any 12 year old boy proud. Not a behavior I want to encourage, but daddy rolling on the floor in hysterics every time she lets one reverberate is not exactly discouraging things. Yesterday in the grocery store she lets one go then loudly giggles "burrito!" Thanks dh







The pretty pink dress really added to the moment.

Can you believe I'm still allowed to get groceries after all this?


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