# Co-"sleeping" with two, night nursing, and back pain



## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Help. I am so tired.

I have an almost 4 year-old who mostly sleeps through the night (occasional talking in her sleep, nightmares, etc.) She is a big mover though and often kicks or manages to turn completely sideways on our queen-sized bed. She has a toddler bed along side our bed, and can be moved into it once sleeping, and has, once or twice, fallen asleep in it. She usually wakes when sleeping in this bed and climbs into bed with us.

On the other side is a pack-n-play where our 9 month old sleeps (soon to be replaced by a crib with the side rail down, like a co-sleeper). But really, if she sleeps in there more than 1 hour, it is rare. She almost always wakes up crying so I bring her in bed and nurse her. She is nursing a lot at night right now. A *lot*. I feel like I'm never in deep sleep, only partly waking/partly sleeping. She like to be held all night with one of my arms under her head and around her. I'm having severe and near constant shoulder pain on the right side, where she usually sleeps. I've tried heat, massage (limited, from dh not professional because we're broke), advil, even got Rx muscle relaxers and took one or two of those (but they made me really out of it). Still in a lot of pain.

So I'm tired, and in pain, and being an evil mommy lately because I'm completely worn out. We can't afford a king size bed. I'm afraid it isn't safe for the girls to sleep next to each other, but they often end up this way. I've thought about buying a twin for dd#1, if we could save up, but I don't know if she would actually sleep in it. I just thought since it is higher and more comfortable she might. I'm touched out and have no sex drive. Please any help or suggestions?


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

Geez, mama! You must be TIRED!!! I feel so bad for you.

I have one suggestion that might help... it sounds like you're lying on your right side a whole lot, right? Have you tried nursing on your back? If the babe will go for it, it's a dream come true for those of us who still nurse a lot at night.

I just drape DS across me and pull my nightshirt up and latch him on. It was a little awkward feeling at first, but the relief on my body (for me it was the left side) was enormous!! I switch during the night - sometimes I lie on my left side, then next time he wakes I'll lay on my back and he nurses on the right side.

Don't know if that helps any!!! I hope you get relief soon.


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## Lousli (Nov 4, 2003)

Thanks! I have been trying to sleep on my back, but it is an awkward position for me to get used to. Also, even when I'm flat on my back, she wants my arm around her, and it seems to me that holding my arm at that angle, or her weight on it or something is what is causing the pain. It is right next to my shoulder blade, in between my shoulder blade and spine.

I just wish that I could at least get my older one to sleep in her bed so dh and I could have a little more space to try and get comfortable, and so that the baby isn't next to her big sister.


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## mighty-mama (Sep 27, 2005)

Don't want to scare you, but it is not safe for your older child to sleep next to your babe. Your older child does not have the instinctive abilities to not roll over on your infant.

We somewhat break this rule in my house as my ds sleeps between my dh and I, but my ds coccoon's himself in his own blanket and has trained himself to not move at night. (he sleeps like a mummy)

I have back problems and I sleep on either side, with my ds stomach to stomach. I place the bobby, you can wedge a pillow, under my lower back this allows me to shift my weight to my back with something supporting it.


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## bjewelled (Oct 2, 2005)

My heart goes out to you!! And I hope I don't get banished for writing this comment. We have a 31/2 year old and a 2 month. 31/2 still comes into our room to sleep. NO ONE WAS SLEEPING. Morning was not fresh and new. I was exhausted. My neck and back constantly ached. So we began two things.

1) We rearranged our room and talked with ds about how everyone had their own spot. We put a child's mattress on the floor by our bed for him. The co-sleeper by our bed for dd and even included the dog bed for our dog. We spoke again and again how wonderful it was that we all had our own spots. And for the first couple of nights when he would try to get into bed with us I would scoot just a small bit. Not giving him the entire roost of the bed as before. He often would not stay up in bed just because it was uncomfortable. When he asked me to move over I said, "I did. You're just getting a lot bigger. That's why we have our own spots together now."
Within a week he stopped waking at night and climbing into bed. He now rests on his spot.

2) Babe still woke everyone at night. And we woke her. It was horrid!! My mom suggested just trying one night in her own space in the next room. Technically she wasn't much farther than in ours, but somehow that amount of space kept her from waking ds and ds from waking her. That night she only woke once!! And it wasn't because I wasn't attentive. Quite the opposite. I kept waking to check on her and she was soundly sleeping. She now only wakes once during the night. And believe it or not we still share sleep schedule! She is such a deep and good sleeper. Has no digestive issues because I'm contstantly pumping milk and gas into her full belly. And at night when I wake to nurse her it is such a special time. Because it's only once, I go into the rocker and we snuggle, I can sing till she's done and burped, rock till she's asleep and then I lay her back down. I'm finally feeling like myself some. My son is much healthier and happier during the day. And dd is doing great. Plus, my sex drive is back, so my marriage also thriving!!

The best advice I received was from an AP mom who's kids are now teenagers. "Don't beat yourself down. You have a lifetime of connection and parenting ahead. You've got to balance yourself with your children. Because if you are gone. You're mean. You're unhealthy. You're unhappy. And that result is much worse than setting loving boundaries for your family that helps everyone thrive."

Hope this is of some help. Also, my back and neck pains are nearly gone!!(Still carry her in the sling during the day.) There is hope!! I send you a hug!!


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## 4Marmalade (May 4, 2004)

Wow...sounds soooo familiar. Dd is 4-1/2 months and sleeps beside me in bed although the crib is side-carred too. She just sleeps better next to me. BTW..I am in the middle of getting chiropractic treatment for my neck kink that I suspect is caused by having my left arm up over dd's head while sleeping







. But it is working and the pain is almost gone. Can you look into that?

Ds is almost 3 and he comes in to our bed at some point in the night. He squeezes into the space between myself and dh which leaves hardly any room to move. And then he proceeds to toss and turn and keep everyone awake (well...except for dh







: ). I am anxious for him to make the move and want to sleep in his own bed all night but I know I would miss him too. Things are so busy with the new baby right now and I really miss cuddling up with ds. Not that I can do it with the baby on one side anyways. Ds always gets my back. But it's better than nothing.

One thing that helps here. When we've had a couple of rough nights and are feeling tired we spend a night or two with dh sleeping with ds in ds's bed. Ds will sleep all night in his own bed as long as someone is sleeping with him. That helps us all get a bit more sleep for a few nights.

Take care and I hope things get better for you.


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