# sadness and trying agin



## gina (Aug 30, 2002)

Hello All.
I am feeling so sad. I had a D&C on Wed. after discovering the baby had died at my eight week appt. I have certainly rallied and can say "it wasn't meant to be" and all that but I am suddenly feeling so doubtful. What if there is a lurking infection that will surge up during my next pregnancy? I have this wort on my foot that hurts and won't go away- perhaps that virus is an impediment. How can we learn to trust our bodies again? I took prog. supplements and now I'm afraid that the Vaseline-like base that housed the medicine was a factor in the miscarriage. With my daughter (I have an 18 month old daughter) I took prog. pills not supp.- any opinions on this?
ALSO- I am confused about when to try again- my dr. said just get my period and begin- what about 3 months? What about the quality of my husband's sperm- perhaps he needs to really improve the quality of his diet before we try again. Does anyone have any advice on how to minimize my risks next time?
Thanks. Sorry to be babbling so much. There are so many well informed people on this board, I can't help myself.
Fondly, G


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## lisab (Nov 29, 2001)

I, too, am having a lot of these same concerns. I had a D&C on Friday after finding out on Thursday that our baby had died over a week before. It was my first pregnancy.

The doctor didn`t give me any instructions on trying again--just said my next period may or may not be "normal", and to come back next week for a checkup to make sure things were ok.

Anyhoo, we don`t have any answers as to why this happened, and, like you Gina, I`m nervous to think about trying again. The last few days have seemed kind of unreal, you know? I kept thinking in the sonogram when we found out and the doctor said "the baby is dead", that he could have just as easily said, "oh, look! there`s the heartbeat!". I never really believed I`d miscarry, and sometimes it seems totally unreal that the baby`s not in there anymore...

Not a whole lot of answers here, but A LOT of empathy


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## gina (Aug 30, 2002)

Thanks Lisa for your response- funny how comforting it is to hear others' stories. It must be hard for it to have been your first pregnancy- from what I can tell from women in my playgroup- it is very common- 3 of them had miscarriages before their children were born (and there are only 10 people in the group...)
Hope you are feeling better today-
Gina


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## Abigail (Aug 23, 2002)

hugs to you both. I am there with you. I had a miscarriage in Aug. and thought I would be ready to try again on my next cycle and just don't have the courage right now.

I have looked into all sorts of things to understand what happened. I was rear-ended (really hard by a truck when I was stopped in traffic) and I miscarried a few days later.

My husband is also 11 years older than I am so I worried about his sperm too.

I have been told to wait one cycle, I have heard about 3, my accupuncturist keeps telling me I don't want to commence a pregnancy with severe lower back and neck pain and this makes sense to me.

Be kind to yourself. I was all alone except for this board and a few strangers. I never told my family or friends and my husband refused to discuss it.

If you don't have friends to rely on in your actual lives. Please lean on me as a cyber friend.
much love!
(PS my computer has been a little funky lately so I haven't been logging on as much as I would like, but that should be remedied soon)


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## mankowski (Jan 2, 2002)

Gina-

I went through many of the same emotions when I miscarried in July. I was afraid to get pregnant again and so sad to have lost the baby and the dream of the brother or sister for my 15 month old daughter. Now I am feeling stronger and we are trying again.

My midwife told me it was safe for me to get pregnant on my very next cycle (which took about 6 weeks.) I do not have any medical advice, but I would think that you should not be concerned about an infection down the road if you had a D & C. I was also told that an infection would show itself within a few weeks?

I hope you feel stronger as time passes as I have. I still have good and bad days, but am ready to try again!

Take care...


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## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

A miscarriage does not mean that you did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with your body, or that there is something wrong with the father's body. Sometimes they just happen. Perhaps the baby just got a bad start (not because you did anything) and just couldn't make it. It doesn't even mean your risk is higher for another one. Miscarriages are, unfortunately, very common. Please try not to blame yourselves! Sometimes they just happen. I know you will probalby be worried about a reoccurance when you get pregnant again, but just keep telling yourself that medical science says you have no reason to worry. I know you will worry, because I know I will worry myself, even though my brain knows Dante's death was a complete accident, but I just keep telling myself over and over that I shouldn't


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## seagan (Jul 5, 2002)

Hi, all. I miscarried last Thursday (at 9 weeks, ugh) and just got back from a follow-up appointment with my great midwife. Her advice was to wait at least two full cycles before trying again, to let the uterus fully heal, etc. And she said something I hadn't heard before, that trying again right away puts you at greater risk for miscarrying again (it doesn't mean you will miscarry again, just that the odds are higher).

We're going to wait at least three months, though at this point I can't imagine having the courage and energy to take this plunge again. But I'll have hope just the same.

Sadly,
darcy


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## carminex (May 24, 2002)

I just had a miscarriage last night. I have a healthy daughter and had a miscarriage before her. My Dr. told me to wait until I had 2 regular cycles (at least). (Around 3 months or so) We tried as soon as we felt ready and healed and got pregnant again right away(2-3 months). I am so sad but know when this happens it is the bodies way of taking care of things when something isn't right. We have a beautiful healthy 14 month old and will try again for a brother or sister in a few months when I am healed physically and emotionally. Good luck to you as well. Try not to worry about getting pregnant again but do let yourself heal properly.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Get some rasberry leaf tea, it is supposed to be good for uterine health. It is so hard to get past such a loss, especially when you dont have much support at home. I am so sorry.


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## gina (Aug 30, 2002)

Hello All-
I was feeling good- got my period exactly one month after d&c but then was overcome with exhaustion- scary exhaustion- i am worried- my period was a bit longer than usual but not heavy, heavy bleeding- does anyone know about a period post m/c- it has caught me off guard...
Thanks,
Gina


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## Mommy4life (Jul 11, 2002)

I am sorry for your loss. I had to have a d&c done to on July 1,2002. I was 2 months. We started ttc again the next month. Good luck to you in the future!!


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by gina_
*
ALSO- I am confused about when to try again- my dr. said just get my period and begin- what about 3 months? What about the quality of my husband's sperm- perhaps he needs to really improve the quality of his diet before we try again.*
I've been having a lot of similar questions myself. I was due on 2/14, but had a miscarriage on 7/27 at 11 weeks. I still have questions about the m/c and whether I was actually pregnant, or whether it was a blighted ovum. I had a toothache and an appointment for a root canal when I found out I was pregnant. The first visit they double aproned me to take the x-rays, but I could have sworn I heard the machine go off before I had an apron. Then I wonder maybe the infection itself was a problem. I also think about the fact that I had sex a few days before I felt the side pain I associate with ovulation, and I wasn't really expecting to get pregnant when I did. Did the fact that the sperm sat there for three days (if it actually did) present a problem?

I live in Nevada, but had my m/c while on vacation in Virginia, and I know that the hospital tested stuff, but it was an ER doc, and I have no one I can ask these questions. I did see a doctor back at home, just to make sure things were OK. He told me to wait three cycles because the risk of m/c in the first few months after having had one is higher. I don't know if that is true, but I wasn't really ready to get pregnant again anyway.

Oh well, I guess all of this is normal to wonder about, but I feel kind of stupid.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Gina, I didn't have a d&c, but had some light bleeding for a few days after the miscarriage. I got my period a month to the day, I believe. Now this will sound idiotic, but I've always worn pads before, and this time I was trying tampons that my sister recommended. I didn't realize she had given me a box of the overnight ones, although I did think the darn things were so uncomfortable. Anyway, my period seemed not as heavy and only lasted 3 days. But maybe it was the fact that I wasn't seeing as much blood as I normally would. I was surprised that I would remove them after several hours, and they weren't saturated.

So, to answer your question, my period seemed lighter the first month after. Now this 3rd one post m/c seemed heavier and lasted longer than normal. It's almost like my cycles are going back to the way they were before I got pregnant with my first. After my daughter was born, I noticed that my periods were coming at intervals closer 26-28 days rather than 28-30. It used to be that they'd show up on the same day of the month. I used to have to wear pads for a good week, at least, but after giving birth, my uterus seemed more effective at getting the blood out quickly, and I'd have one really heavy day and it would be gone by day 4. So I really don't know what is going on with me.


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## emmaline (Dec 16, 2001)

Dear Gina

I think it's not uncommon to have some unusual cycles after a m/c

what concerns me more though is your "scarey exhaustion", I know how that feels, it took me months after my last m/c to have any energy, despite iron supplements etc

it's very important to eat well, drink lots of fluids, exercise to a level that doesn't leave you exhausted, get help if you need it - take as long as YOU need to heal and recover, not to any recipe for recovery

I hope you can get the rest and time and care you need,

e


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## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

((((((gina)))))) - hugs to you

take care of yourself now it is so important. Rest eat well and drink lots of fluids, raspberry tea is great (as mentioned before).

Your periods may be "abnormal " for awhile. Meaning they may not be what you had before being pregnant. My m/c was at week 12 but I knew the pregnancy wasn't viable at week 71/2. I chose not to have a d & c I wanted my body to naturally do the m/c. It was so hard. And bless my midwives who allowed me to listen to my intuition. I am still not having normal periods. The first two after m/c were so heavy I was changing pads every three hours the first two days. I am sure that hormones and grief played apart of my emotional rollar coaster. And I still get very tired. I am trying to use supplements and rest (hard with a toddler) and eating well lots of spinach and organics and I learned that eating junk (for me cookies and ice cream) when I am fatigued only make things worse .

When I wrote abnormal in quotes, I wanted to explain. I feel that what our bodies are doing is normal. Each of us is unique and we have to honor our bodies process. I feel that sometimes the medical establishment can just brush women aside and say "oh don't worry you'll be fine here read this brochure and you'll find out when your period will get back to normal and you will understand why this happened to you." I feel that we women are stronger than that and if we listen within to our hearts, we will find the answers to our questions. You can see (if you want to) my journey through this time in passed threads.

Help yourself by having a ceremony, write in a journal, paint do something for yourself to help yourself through the grieving process. Look here a Mothering for articles on m/c. There was a beautiful one a few months ago.

We had a ceremony and I made a doll and planted him/her beneath a rose of sharon, did some drumming, said prayers and lit a candle. That was our ceremony for our beloved second child. She/he will always be with us.

I hope this all helps and please be gentle with yourself.

peace and blessings,
Beth


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## gina (Aug 30, 2002)

Emmaline,
interesting- i had a bad toothache just as i found out i was pregnant and i too needed a root canal- had to have several x-rays- somehow the infection seems involved with being pregnant- i hadn't had any trouble with my teeth for years- all throughout my first preg. i watched for tooth problems (my daughter is 19 mos.) and all went well. I suspect that the acupuncturist awoke a brewing infection and helped stimulate my pregnancy- i would be curious to hear more of your experience.
Fondly,
Gina


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

I'm so very sorry. Miscarriages are such great losses, and they're so often overlooked and underestimated by the general populus.

I didn't read through all the responses, but wanted to say something about the waiting period. When I had my first m/c, my dr. said that if I were in my 20's, she'd have told me to wait a year. In 40's, to try immediately, but as a woman in my 30's, she suggested 3 months, as an emotionally healing period. Point is, it's about the emotional aspect, not the physical. My first m/c was ugly ugly ugly. I began bleeding at 12 weeks, lost a fair amount of blood, but really felt it was an anticlimatic experience (I had thought it would be more painful, etc.) 8 weeks later, I had pain every time I exercised, went back to the dr., was sent for an u/s and there was my baby, still in utero, but having died 11 weeks earlier, at 9 weeks gestation (I had known the day it died. I woke up telling my DH it was dead, but he didn't believe me). So we did take some time to heal, about 3 months....

Second time we tried, I got pregnant right away, used progesterone suppositories, but at 6 weeks, I knew that baby had died too. Again, it didn't come out on it's own easily. At 9 weeks I had blood levels taken, then an u/s, and it's demise was confirmed at 6 weeks. It took another three weeks or so for the m/c to actually occur. I ended up with a D&C because of placenta that remained implanted, causing hemmorhage.

We didn't wait after that. My d&c was on August 14th, I got a period on September 15'ish, I had an HSG on September 22'ish, and I got a positive pg test in mid-October. My darling ds was born in June 99.







I did the progesterone suppositories again with him, four times daily, until about week 12 or 13.

It is so painful. It is so awful. It takes away the innocence of pregnancy forever. But my losses have informed my life. I have so much more compassion now than I used to have. I'm not saying that you should look for the silver lining. You should feel free to grieve and be mad if that's what you need because that was your baby, your child's sibling! My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.


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## naturegirl (Apr 16, 2002)

Hello, I was wondering about periods after mc also. I miscarried yesterday with my first baby. I started bleeding on Friday and knew miscarriage was coming on Saturday. Sunday morning my angel entered into this world. When will my next period start?

My dh and I would like to ttc again in the beginning of the year. First I am going to get through the holidays and then take a week vacation in a sunny, warm, tropical place for relaxation and rejuvenation. When I return I hope to be ready to dive in again. Part of me wants to start NOW but I think I need a couple of months to let everything settle and heal. Is this too soon still?

Need your advice!


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

My heart goes out to you!

I wish I had a definate answer for you. However, it's very differnt for all women. On average, your period should start 2-3 months after a miscarriage. But, it has a lot to do with how long you were pregnant, if your milk comes in and how your body responds.

Most doctors will advise you to wait 3 months before you try to concieve again. My personal feeling is that your body does need some healing time and you want your cervix to recover and be strong enough to hold a new pregnancy.

You can conceive without the return of your period. So try to be very aware of your body. Talk to your doctor or midwife and see how they feel about you trying again.

I know, I was on 'mission pregnancy' after I lost my daughter. NOBODY could have told me to wait and 3 months later I was pregnant with my son. There were times I wished I had waited, but to look at ds today almost 8 years old - I know in my heart I did what was right for me.

Sending you my thoughts that you start to feel strong and healthy soon. Please continue to care for yourself; drink lot's of fluids, rest when you can and eat a healthy diet with iron rich foods.

Gentleness,

Jacque


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## Abigail (Aug 23, 2002)

Hello everyone,
I wanted to respond sooner. I was in my dentist's office about a year ago and there was a pamphlet about dental infections and birthloss. Gina, you mentioned the dentist's office... I wish that I had kept it. It connected the fact that alot of people have infections in their mouths, (caries or gum issues) and they don't even know about it. These infections can affect the fetus evidently. Please don't quote me on any of this because it was only a pamphlet that I saw there. Ever since though, I have never missed an appointment for cleaning and a check up and I always gargle with listerine now to fight anything happening in my mouth.

Sorry if this sounds gross. My love to all of you.
Abigail


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## Envision (Dec 6, 2002)

Hi,

I lost the post I was writing but here is a sum up...

I have lost a baby at 15 days and had a m/c at 9 weeks this past summer.
I also have a 15 month old ds.

The m/c was such a surprise I didn't really know what to do with myself.
I wrote a good bye letter to my baby and named her "Essence".
I was grateful that if there was something wrong with her, that my Higher Power allowed her to be taken so that i would be spared the stress of losing another child at full term.
I grieved as I did when I lost my first child...even if it didn't make sense to those around me.

I have waited till now and think that maybe in March we will consider ttc again...but there are no concrete plans.
I decided to not dwell on the "whys" of it...because there are so many and knowing was not going to change the outcome of it...
I have since tried to inform myself about how to get my body as healthy and clean as possible. I control what I can control, and that is not much...
I use personal products that do not contain any chemicals, we eat organic food as much as possible and I try and keep my emotional and Spiritual health as strong as possible. That does not mean that I dont' cry and feel sad..I do, I am right now infact...I just try and accept all things as great moments of growth and know that I have to live each one out and realize that in time there will be answers as to why they have happened.

My sweet Emma passed away in 2000 and I am still learning so many things from her short life...that is a gift. A gift that comes with some saddness and at time questions, but never the less a gift.

I send you loving thoughts as you go through this...know that if you fully feel all the emotions that are within you, they will subside...and perhaps you will find some unexpected gifts waiting for you...

Hugs,
Oils


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## Grantsmommy (Jan 18, 2002)

I wanted to send my positive energy to you too, Gina. I had a m/c in August (at 11 wks) and have had normal periods since. The first one started exactly 28 days from the m/c and was heavier than normal. I just had my 3rd period and it was just like before my last pregnancy. The only difference is I have a dull ache in my vagina the first few days. My mom said she had the same thing after she gave birth to me, up until she had an hysterectomy. I never had that before, even after giving birth to my son.

I told dh that I really want to be pg by March 23rd, which was my due date with the m/c. For whatever reason, I feel like that will help mitigate the loss for me. Does that sound crazy to any of you? For the most part I feel emotionally recovered from the m/c and usually don't think about it too much. My ds is almost 2 1/2, so he keeps me busy. However, every now and then I think about the baby and get sad. I know I'm fine physically (my midwife told me to wait 2-3 periods). My dh is just worried that I'm rushing into it. I feel like we were ready to have another baby 6 months ago, so why wait?

I guess I know in my heart that there was a reason for the m/c. I'm not bitter. Being a chiropractor, I have a tremendous respect for the body and the innate intelligence that runs us. The process of m/c itself was amazing. That my body knew just what to do to cleanse the baby's body out of my uterus...I had contractions just like labor (although less intense). I trust that my body can nourish another life. My dh thinks that if we wait a few more months I'll be less tired and physically more "in shape" for pregnancy. I have been very tired lately. I still nurse my ds and he's going through a phase of waking up at 4 AM (FUN). Anyway, I'm rambling.

Has anyone else experienced the wanting-to-conceive-before-the-original-due-date thing?

Dawn


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

Gina, just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. It is never easy to lose a child. Although each of our experiences is different, there is such a rollercoaster of emotions, for me it it was difficult to even tentatively plan for the future or for a future pg. An idea I was fine with yesterday, may not be fine today.

Dawn, as to your question on pg again before the due date, I was very strongly drawn to that idea after my stillbirth this past August due Nov 9. The only reason we did not go ahead was because 2 weeks after my daughter was born, we received notice that the military would be transferring us to another country in a few months, and my pg are high risk (preeclampsia in both, although my daughter died of a cord injury).

Also, my Mom had a baby that was stillborn at 24w, and part of the story that is always told to me is that had she not lost him, I would not be here, as I was conceived while she would have still been pg. Typing it out, I guess it sounds sort of strange, but it never made me feel guilty or anything. Instead, I always felt that a special gift had been given to me. At least in our family, it made the loss easier to bear.

Carrie


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

Last July I m/c I was twelve weeks along though the baby looked like it died in its 7 week. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, I still cant talk about without crying. My dh even gave me a little trinket to wear on a necklace along with the one for my first DD but I cant wear it without bauling! Any way my mw said because I m/c naturally (no D/C) I could try the very next cycle as I havent had any problems with previous pregnancys. I really needed to get preggo to help keep my mind occupied. I lost that baby July 11 and on August 24 I was preggo again! I was the best thing for me emotionally but physically my poor body was saying its tired! and sick of being sick!! That entire pregnancy was nerve wracking for me just wondering if I would m/c again especially when i got to 12 weeks. When we heard the heartbeat at around 13 weeks, my heart just SANG!!!! The only problem I had with that pregnancy was I carried her 2 weeks late! I now have a happy healthy 6 1/2 month old baby. She will never fill the spot of the baby I lost, I have a empty spot that I will always feel, but as one other poster said I wouldn't have her if I hadn't lost that baby. I know that someday I will meet the baby in Heaven.

I soo feel for any body who has has lost a baby, Its so hard.
My dh fortunately was of great support to me, we where on vacation when the m/c occurred and when he went back to work I realized how much I needed him. I had to turn the TV on to try and get to sleep.
I sometimes feel a little guilty feeling that I may have caused the m/c by having been taking fish oil capsules, I read later on they can cause m/c. But I tell myself it was ment to be and at the time I didnt know better so If I did cause it, it was purely innocent.
Ok I am now off to get the box of Kleenexs
I even went and bought about $400 worth of material for a quilt to try and keep my mind of the m/c. I am still working on the quilt LOL

I am sorry for your loss...


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## gina (Aug 30, 2002)

oh no- i've been taking fish oil capsules and i think i might be pregnant- is this bad- what do you know about fish oil and m/c?


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## seagan (Jul 5, 2002)

I've never seen anything about fish oil causing miscarriages. In fact, today I did come across something that suggests the opposite: that fish oil (or fish itself, though b/c of mercury concerns that should be limited to 1 or 2x a week, if I remember right -- but don't quote me on the exact amounts!) can help prevent premature births. The article is from the British Journal of Medicine (sorry for the crazy-looking link; I hope it works):

http://bmj.com/cgi/content/full/324/...ype=1,2,3,4,10

The study involved women between 16 and 30 weeks gestation, so it doesn't answer the question of how fish oil might affect earlier pregnancy, but I would think it would be OK (if not really good) then, too.

Anybody know more on this?


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## BigBelly03 (Dec 3, 2002)

I started drinking raspberry leaf tea today. It has been five days since the miscarriage (Saturday, the 21st). I didn't have a d & c, I prefer to let them bleed out. I am still bleeding a little today. I want to take a vitamin and mineral supplement and also some foods to strengthen my uterus, does anyone have any suggestions? I felt really weak on the 24th, but with the holiday feasting I have regained most of my strength. I would also like to start trying again right away.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

If you're feeling weak, it may be a sign that your red blood cells are low. Try eating a lot of leafy greens, also beets are VERY high in iron.

As for suppliments, you may want to talk to an herbalist at your local healthy food store. I know evening primrose oil can help balance hormones. But, I'm not sure what would be best to strengthen the uturus.

Take care of yourself.

Gently,

jacque


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## BigBelly03 (Dec 3, 2002)

Jacque, Thanks for your response. Dh has been doing most of the cooking the past few days. I am still bleeding a little but feel much stronger. I am going to pick up some yellow dock because I know that will build my blood up.

Mom to l&a, I just wanted to comment that even though the feelings of sadness can go on for a very long after a pregnancy loss, even after you have another baby, naming the baby you lost may really help you to bring closure and also a name is a tangible recognition of the baby. I just thought I'd mention this in case you hadn't done it already. I posted a site here in another thread about the Church of the Holy Innocents in NYC. You can go to their website http://www.innocents.com and click on Book of Life. You can actually officially name your baby and receive a beautiful certificate with the name you chose and the date of the loss. You don't have to be Catholic to do this, and it doesn't matter how long it has been since your loss. I find it so comforting to know that prayers are said for the families of the miscarried or stillborn babies and there is a candle always lit for them. There is actually a book with all the names of the babies too. I am hoping to get to NYC sometime soon so I can go to that church and look up my babies names.


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## Caring Touch (Sep 4, 2002)

I am so sorry for what happened to you. Everything I've read says that after one month it's okay to try again.

In regard to the wart on the bottom of your foot, I have a suggestion. I had one of those too and it would NOT go away. I went to a Chinese Chiropractor who told me to put adhesive glue on top of it. Make sure the glue covers the entire wart and let it dry. After a few days of it being covered apparently the wart doesn't get enough oxygen and dies. It worked after about one-two weeks. I can't think of the name of the very popular sticky adhesive glue off the top of my head, but it's the kind that's very strong.

Hope that advice helps out some.

Hang in there.

Nikki


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