# bday party - feed parents too?



## anono-mom (Mar 30, 2009)

We went to a birthday party yesterday and I was a little surprised that there was no food (except for a cupcake) for the parents. The party was for a 2 yo, kids ranged in age from 2 weeks old to 4 years old. It was not in any way shape or form a drop off party. It was at a gymnastics place from 4-6 pm. Kids played from 4-5:30 and then it was food time. The invite said snacks, but I assumed heavy appetizers since it was so close to dinner time. I was hoping to fill us both up enough as to not have to cook dinner when we got home, maybe my assumption was wrong, but still. Snacks for the kids were just a fruit tray and a veggie tray, there was clearly not enough for the parents and it got kind of awkward all the parents standing around the little table watching their kids eating. They served cupcakes for everyone, but I was expecting more. By the time we got out of there it was 6:30, didn't get home until 7 and then had to cook dinner. Was I wrong for expecting more food? What is the norm in your area? Bday boy has food allergies maybe that is why the parents didn't provide more?


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Im not really sure what one should expect when it comes to birthday parties...
However - I will say...most parties I have been to here (and 'here' is the UK) does not feed the parents. The only time I have been fed is at friends houses when the 'party' is small for the child with just close family (and close enough friends you consider them family!). I will also say though, that the parties I have been to (ranging from 1-7 year olds) have never been at such an odd time like the one you went to - so maybe thats why?...

I will say though - I ALWAYS feed the parents at the parties I have had for DS! (he has had 3 so far hehe) - Next year we are planning a restaurant party, and everyone has to buy their own meal (I have let friends know in advance - it will just be small! - and his party is in September and they are all cool with buying their own meals - I plan ahead hehe) - But I will be buying the appetisers for both children and adults. It will help us on costs and set up/clean up this time! hehe

Anyroad - I always get comments on how it is nice that they (the parents) also got to eat a decent meal too as they (the parents/friends/relatives) have also never been to a party when the they are fed!


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I think you will find this answers are going to be so different on this topic.
For the most part, if the invitation said "snacks" I would never assume there would be enough food to cancel dinner.

Also, it is expensive to have these kinds of parties at a gym. I would be thankful that my child had a couple hours of active fun and consider it a socializing time for me. I wouldn't worry about not having any snacks for myself.

That said, *I* would not have a party without enough snacks for kids and parents. I also wouldn't fill kids up on snacks and cake at the time of day, which is basically dinnertime. But perhaps it was the only time slot available and it was not in their budget to offer pizza or anything.

As for the norm where I live, the norm is to have the party at a playground, with snacks, but we don't get snow here.

I think the celebration of the child, the birthday, and the community of families should be the focus of these gatherings. Not what was served to eat.


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

I think that if parents are invited they should be fed. If it is more of a drop off party and a parent chooses to stick aruond, they shouldn't expect food. I think the food they provided is appropriate for "snacks", but it is an odd time to have a snack-only party. I would think that if you have a party during a regular meal time, you should feed people that meal.

I expect that the boy's allergies would affect the type of food, but not the quantity.

But at the end of the day, it all depends on circumstance. Maybe that was the only time they could book the club, but they couldn't afford to feed everyone dinner. You never know.

Etiquette may dictate that thre should have been more food, but it would also say that you should be grateful for whatever you are offered. JMHO.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

We don't do food at parties anymore, but when we did, it was for everyone. I can't imagine serving so little food. That's just strange.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've never been to a birthday party that didn't have food for the parents, as well as the kids. However, if an invitation said "snacks", I wouldn't assume there'd be a lot of food, and would have plans for dinner (maybe something in the crockpot that I could eat the next day if there was more food than expected at the party). I actually tend to give my kids a PB&J to take in the car if we're going somewhere and I don't know how much food will be available...

It does seem strange to have a party at that time of day without providing more food, though.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

I wouldn't think too much about it if I went to a birthday party from 4-6 and wasn't served a meal. But if I were the host I would definitely serve one.

Next time these folks ask you to a party, pack a Power Bar just in case


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Personally, I would never throw a party without providing food for everyone, but I'm starting to realize that not everyone agrees with me on this. I think throwing a party for little ones during a time frame that generally coincides with dinner time for the vast majority of them is a really bad idea if you don't intend to feed them. And I get that a lot of people are on a budget and want to keep expenses in line, but there are a lot of cheap ways to do that without sending everyone home hungry (pizza, sub sandwiches or even a tray of cold cuts for example.) I also think it's weird that the hosts apparently only provided snacks for the little kid guests while only giving the adults cupcakes (especially since you noted that the kids were so young and it wasn't intended to be a drop off party,) that's just weird and may be even be interpreted as rude by an awful lot of folks. The whole awkward thing could have been prevented if the party had been scheduled for an earlier time, like 3pm. At least then people would be less inclined to assume that a meal would be served to the guests.

So, yeah, I would have been miffed if I were you anono-mom.


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## super mamabug (Oct 29, 2006)

I definitely think that you feed the people you invite. If the invite said snacks, there should have been snacks for everyone. I wouldn't expect to fill up instead of dinner, but there should have been some chips and salsa or crackers and cheese at least. Another $20 spent would have provided snacks for all. If it isn't a drop off party, you feed people. Or ask them to bring their own as the assumption is you feed your guests.


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## churndash (Mar 25, 2009)

Well I'll be the dissenting voice.

For a two hour party at a gymnastics place, no I wouldn't expect the host to provide food and drink for the adults.

Two reasons:

First, it's at some gym. So the "party" is obviously for the children. Yes, the parents are there, but they are not there to participate the in the party, they are there to be responsible for their child who is not old enough to be left alone.

If this were a backyard barbecue or party at their house, I'd be more inclined to expect food because that would be more of a "family party" atmosphere.

Second - it's two hours. It's perfectly reasonable to expect adults to last a couple of hours without food or drink.


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## sapientia (Apr 22, 2007)

If I throw a party I provide enough food for everyone who is there. Maybe not a massive buffet, but enough that no one feels uncomfortable digging in. If I can't afford it then I keep it limited to a family party.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

I've never even _thought_ of serving food at a birthday party (unless it's in a restaurant or at home)







:

my daughter's party is Sat and we were planning to do it at an arcade (no eating allowed). we were going to make 'gift bags' for all of the kids with treats and a few small toys, but now I'm wondering if we should put something small together for the parents..

would that work or do people really expect to fill up?

ahhh, I feel so....overwhelmed! and caught off-guard!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I have mixed feelings.

On one hand, I wouldn't expect much if anything at a gym place. It isn't a place that works well with food. I would eat ahead of time.

But, on the other hand, if I provide food for kids and I have reason to believe adults will be there as well (as with a party for that age kid), then yes I'd make sure there was food for the adults as well.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

The more I think about it, the more I think my issue is the time. I just can't imagine having a party from 4-6 pm - one that included parents - and not feeding people. Sure - adults can go a couple hours without food, but that time period isn't just dinner time for many (most?) people. It's also dinner _prep_ time. It seems like a really odd time to have a party with no meal provided...


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
The more I think about it, the more I think my issue is the time. I just can't imagine having a party from 4-6 pm - one that included parents - and not feeding people. Sure - adults can go a couple hours without food, but that time period isn't just dinner time for many (most?) people. It's also dinner _prep_ time. It seems like a really odd time to have a party with no meal provided...

Yeah that's a good point. That is dinner time or at least dinner prep time for everyone. It really wasn't a good time to have a party at a gym because of that. It would have been better to have it at a place where you can wander and eat food the whole time. Just an awkward situation.


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## Aufilia (Jul 31, 2007)

I've never been to a kids party where the adults weren't fed, too. That seems really weird to me. I would definitely feed people dinner at a party that ended at 6.... I mean, here, we usually serve dinner at 5:30 since DD goes to bed by 7.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I would never have a party at any time of day without providing some sort of food for everyone, adults and children alike.

But if I were invited to an afternoon party and there was only food for the kids, I wouldn't even really think about it one way or the other -- no biggie, IMO.


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## anono-mom (Mar 30, 2009)

Thanks for the input. I think what really threw me off was we were at a very similar party in January, same time, different gym place and we were all fed really well - pizza, chicken nuggets, chips, pretzels, fruit tray, veggie tray, etc. And 2 weeks ago we were at an in-home party that spanned across lunch time and there was seriously enough food for 3 bday parties. I guess my expectations were set up because of that. Also, I would never host a party and not feed people so that is just me. I would have been fine with something simple, fruit and veggies for the parents, chips, pretzels, etc - not neccessarily enough for dinner, but enough so that when we got home dinner could have been a sandwich or cereal, not a whole meal. I was starving by the time we left.


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## anono-mom (Mar 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
I've never even _thought_ of serving food at a birthday party (unless it's in a restaurant or at home)







:

my daughter's party is Sat and we were planning to do it at an arcade (no eating allowed). we were going to make 'gift bags' for all of the kids with treats and a few small toys, but now I'm wondering if we should put something small together for the parents..

would that work or do people really expect to fill up?

ahhh, I feel so....overwhelmed! and caught off-guard!

Are you doing cake or nothing? what time is the party? If it is not at a meal time and if the place says no food allowed then I wouldn't worry. Drop off or parents stay? If I were a kid and went to a bday party with not even cake, I would say that I would leave a bit disappointed.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

My kids have never been to a party somewhere like that where the adults were fed. Adults only get fed at family parties, not at kid oriented parties.


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## seawind (Sep 28, 2007)

What's a party without some food for everyone invited? I guess different strokes for different folks...


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *anono-mom* 
Are you doing cake or nothing? what time is the party? If it is not at a meal time and if the place says no food allowed then I wouldn't worry. Drop off or parents stay? If I were a kid and went to a bday party with not even cake, I would say that I would leave a bit disappointed.

we have a lot of food allergies between the kids, mine and friends, so we were going to do cookies (a variety, with frosting) and juice boxes.. my daughter's also picking out some [low sugar] candy for the gift bags









the party's from 2:30-4:00, so not right before dinner..

I think that the kids will be ok without having cake since they're all scared to eat our _vegan_ kind







(more for me, right?)

oh, and the parents are staying (unless they feel comfortable leaving- I'll be busy making sure the little ones don't escape)..


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

Was just your child's name on the invitation? If so, I wouldn't take my kid to a party and expect them to feed me too. Now if the invitation was to your child and you, then that's another story.

You said the invitations clearly stated that "snacks" were being served so there should have been no expectation to replace dinner.

They did serve you a cupcake so at least you got something


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
we have a lot of food allergies between the kids, mine and friends, so we were going to do cookies (a variety, with frosting) and juice boxes.. my daughter's also picking out some [low sugar] candy for the gift bags









the party's from 2:30-4:00, so not right before dinner..

I think that the kids will be ok without having cake since they're all scared to eat our _vegan_ kind







(more for me, right?)

oh, and the parents are staying (unless they feel comfortable leaving- I'll be busy making sure the little ones don't escape)..

I think you will be fine, cookies replace cake.


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

I think it's weird. The way I look at it is like this: I'd rather err on the side of caution. If you serve food when its not necessary or people don't expect it, then most will be happily surprised and the worst thing that will happen is that you have a lot of leftovers.

But if people are expecting food and there is none, then you've got crabby, hungry, irritated folks on your hands. I wouldn't want to risk it. Just doesn't seem neighborly.

That said, I would also assume the best of the hosts and not give it much thought. After I filled my belly!


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

While I personally tend to have way too much food at events like this I would never assume. So many people can't afford to throw their kids big parties but feel like they must because all their little friends do it. We haven't ever had any more than just family at our parties just for that reason, i don't have the space and I can't afford to feed everyone.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I my self always like to provide food for both the kidies and the adults however I'd NEVER expect a host to provide food for me actually I wouldn't expect there to be "adquate" food for child (very picky eatter) or the proper foods for me eaither. (diabetic).

Deanna


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

If I have a party I serve food-it's really that simple. Where i live though everyone is really into potlucks, so it's like I'll do the cake and drinks and people can bring other snacks.

We're doing this for DD's b-day this year, my MIL suggested potluck because our family is huge.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

I do mid-afternoon parties, usually at the park, to keep cost down. Cake, ice cream, punch, soda, water, chips and dip, crackers, cheese. Usually I have made too much. Time to start planning my daughter's party...


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## AlwaysByMySide (May 4, 2007)

A party from 4-6pm, I would absolutely expect that there would be food, both for the kids and the parents.

A party at 2-4pm, I wouldn't expect a meal. I WOULD expect some kind of snack for the parents as well as the kids.

I wouldn't expect any parents to just 'drop off' a four year old (or younger child). I think at that age, the parent's name doesn't need to be on the invitation, it's just implied.

My rule of thumb is always that if you plan a party at what would be a normal meal time, then you should provide a meal.

I'm one of those people, like several above, who always serves a ridiculous amount of food. Better to have too much than not enough.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I agree that it depends on the time of day. I'd say a 2-4 party you are ok with snacks or evenjust cake and ice cream. But a 12-2 or a 4-6? Should include a meal.

Now, that said, when my oldest was little, in the area we lived the common thing was kid oriented party at mcdonalds or mr. gattis etc, kids were fed adn if adults stayed, the payed for thier own.

Now since Ive moved back home, we do a lot more just family parties and I feed everyone.

I get confused as to what is "correct" cuz Ive seen it both ways. So, I say so on the invitation. In the past we have always done the LO's parties at home, this year dd begged for mcd's adn ds for chuck e cheese (I know, I know but thats another topic)

Since all our at home parties have fed everyone I specifically put on the invitaitons that there would be "pizza and drinks for the kids" and let everyon know that I would print coupons if the adults wanted to purchase food there. Almost everyone purchased thier food. I also purchased food seperately from the kids party going on to feed myself, dh, ds17 and dn18. Only one group of family memeber purchased nothing and instead, while we were distracted with the party, ate OUR food!! We had to stop and eat something else on the way home. Im assuming they just didnt reazlie and thought it was for everyone even though I made a point to tell them... They also didnt bring a gift, but thats a diffrent issue.....

Since it IS confusing, I think the invitation should specify, becuase I also never know if Im going to be fed and one time we drove over an hour to a party for a good friend and only the kids were fed and I had left my wallet...by the end of the (outside in the texas heat at a pool) party, I was so weak and shaky from hunger I could barely drive. So now if I dont know for sure, I eat on the way! I just assumed there would be food for all becuase it was AT lunchtime, so I hadnt eaten yet, and basically had to skip lunch while watching the kids eat. It sucked for me. Now, Id rather eat and then miss out on party food than not eat and be left starving. Plus, sometimes I dont KNOW If the food is for everyone or not so Im watchingother people to see if they are eating....I dont want to be the greedy adult that ate the kids food.....oh thats too much drama and confusion!!


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Unless the host is expecting children to be dropped off, the parents are invited as well.

You don't say "snacks" on the invitation, unless their are snacks enough for everyone present.

That said, we have always done at home or at park parties, often potluck instead of bringing presents. But even at our potluck parties we have enough food provided by us for people to snack on (that would be everyone at the party regardless of age). And I would never plan a party at a meal time (or meal prep time) without offering enough food for the guests.

Sounds like the host was just kind of thoughtless here, IMO.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

We're having DD's birthday party at our community lawn next month, like 3-6pm, and we're going to do a bunch of snacks and heavy appetizer types things, and cake. But we're not trying to do DINNER per se. It's just too hard with most people we hang with used to very high quality whole foods, plus plenty of kids with allergies, and then everyone who would be helping expecting to be able to do a cheap and easy shortcut, like ordering pizza. I want it to be a party I'd feel comfortable bringing my DD to, if it wasn't her own (and there are lots of parties, which mean lots of "special occassions" so I don't really want to make cheap and easy food a regular thing for kids who are still babies).

ANYWAY I think parties that have food should have a lot







I hated going to DH's fancy Christmas party and finding all the food gone after 20 minutes of a 4 hour party. I'm a lightweight drinker and I needed something else to help me through the schmoozing!


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

I think your safest bet is to *never* assume you're going to be fed a full meal or a meal replacement until it's at a restaurant or the invite says "lunch/dinner served." If it says snacks, then that's what I would assume. A snack, not a meal.

Now, if the host is someone who loves people through food (like myself--I'm on two different groups that deliver food to two of my communities when a member is in need/could use a picker upper, I love hosting women's gatherings at my house, I love taking people out to lunch, ect.) you might be pleasantly surprised. (often times, I am sending treats home with parents to give to dads/moms/sibs who couldn't make it)

But I never assume that personally! IME, most of the time the adults that stay at birthday parties for my kids seldom eat, even for the lunch parties (and the food is awesome!). So after a few costly mistakes and lots of wasted food I scale back, and generally prepare appetizers that can be popped in the oven on short notice, ect. so I can play it by ear how hungry the guests are.

I have attended parties where the kids and adults gobbled up everything set out on the tables, and those where the poor party mom was practically begging people to eat so that they wouldn't have to take 8 pizzas home.









I can understand how some people who are just not of the "let me show you how much I love and appreciate you by making sure you never leave my house hungry" variety might just give up after a few experiences of a bunch of wasted food. And since the party was held during dinner time but *specifically* said "snacks" I think she was trying to say that they weren't going to do a meal without coming right out and saying "Get your own dinner!" on the invites, KWIM?

So I don't think it's bad either way. I personally will feed anyone that walks through my door as much as they want to be fed. But I don't feel put out if someone else isn't that way! No biggie. At least to me.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Where I am cupcakes alone would be considered snacks.

Deanna


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I've also never not been to a B-Day where there wasn't some type of food for the adults. We've been to a few parties at a gymnastics place/swimming pool and there were snacks for adults as well, not a meal, but enough to tide you over. I would of been thrown off my time time as well, 4-6 is definitely dinner time and I would of expected some food for everyone. A 2-4 party would be fine with veggies, chips, etc...


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

I think that the kids will be ok without having cake since they're all scared to eat our vegan kind
I find for little ones the cake is more hype anyways.







I did a fancy My Little pony cake for my DD birthday (her theme) SHE ohh and ahhed and didn't eat a bite, last week we attended two parties one a 1st birthday with a large sheet cake the adults enjoyed the kids poked ate two bites and ingnored (mine said no thank you) and a classmates party 26 slices of cake passed out maybe 10 bites total taken out again mine refused (shes not a cake eatter no allergies though). I watch my mothers preschools bring cupcakes and such to celebrate birthdays most of the time the icing got licked a bit a few bites nothing else.
FWIW at my DD party we did it at chuck-E-cheese I didn't do there party package as we had a small party 6 kids and 8 adults I had a coupon for 2 large and one medium pizza and so many drinks. I payed so each adult had a drink (free refills) and snagged a pizza for the adults but that was it if they wanted salad and such it was on them. Of course there was plenty of cake the party was from 4-6 pm as well.

Deanna

Deanna


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

The invitation said, "snacks" and that's what was provided. You got a cupcake. Isn't that a snack? I just don't get why you would assume that a meal was going to be provided when the invitation specifically said - snack.

Also, the party was just 2 hours at a gym. That means usually 1 hour of play time, a snack break and cake/cupcake for 15 min and then another 45 min. of playtime. Seems pretty standard to me. A party at a home? totally different expectations. But if said "snacks" on the invite, I would still just expect snacks.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Yes, a party from 4-6 should have had more substantial snacks, at least chips and a veggie and/or fruit platter or something, to at LEAST stave off hunger. Plus, little toddlers and even older children get extremely hungry at gymnastics parties, because they are getting so so so much exercise.

We've had 4 different birthday parties at gymnastics places over the years, and we always had pizza, plus a wide variety of snacks (fruit, veggies, chips, cheese, crackers, cheddar bunnies, pretzels, juice boxes and water bottles) in addition to cake.

I've also been to at least 5 or 6 parties at the same sorts of gymastic places and indeed, they always had a similar amount of snacks, perhaps one or two that didn't have pizza included, just snacks.

Personally, I would have felt bad for the hosts, because of their poor planning...but I also would have immediately wondered if perhaps they suddenly ran out of money and couldn't afford snacks AT ALL, but perhaps they have been given a gift certificate for the party, or had pre-paid for it then had some financial issues that precluded them from paying for food...yet, not being able to cancel outright or get a refund, so they just went ahead with it.

Hopefully, they aren't completely strapped, but just made a poor judgment call.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

This is a bit of a sore topic for me. Every birthday party we've had, whether at our house or at a gymnastics place or at a playground, I've always had plenty of food for both kids and adults. But you know what, it costs me a lot of money to feed the adults. In my circle of friends it seems that no one drops their kid off at the party - they all stay. Which is fine with me, but honestly, it gets to the point where I can't afford to feed all these people.

For instance, ds1 turns 8 in May. There is a list of at least 8 kids we pretty much have to invite (I mean, we want to as well, but there's no scaling back this list): his cousin, his best friend, his other really good friend and his sister, and the two neighbor boys across the street. And that's if he didn't invite a single other friend from Little League, or his homeschool co-op, or anything else. If he did, that would bring the number of kids up to about 15 (there are 5 in his co-op, and he'd have to invite all if he invited 1, and they are all very close).

Fine, I can feed pizza to 15 kids. They don't eat much, we're talking a few pizzas and a cake, maybe some goldfish crackers and fruit. But with that guest list of kids, now we're talking upwards of 20 adults, close to 30 when you include grandparents and other close relatives (we all live right near each other). No way can I afford to feed 30 adults!

It really kind of makes me crazy that I'm expected to spend hundreds of dollars on food to feed all the adults simply because my son wants to invite his friends to his birthday party.

The fact that there is any expectation other than showing up to celebrate a birthday kind of irks me. I don't care if there wasn't cake or any food at all, to be honest. I might be hungry when I left, and I might think it odd, but I certainly wouldn't feel like they owed me food.

But I admit I'm touchy about this, because every year it's a sore topic for us. When I was a kid everyone dropped off the kids, and my mom fed them chips and dip and cake. Now we have to start saving months in advance so that I can feed pizza, salad and appetizers to all the adults.


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
if the invitation said "snacks" I would never assume there would be enough food to cancel dinner.

Also, it is expensive to have these kinds of parties at a gym. I would be thankful that my child had a couple hours of active fun and consider it a socializing time for me. I wouldn't worry about not having any snacks for myself.

perhaps it was the only time slot available and it was not in their budget to offer pizza or anything.

I agree with all of this. Snacks is not dinner. If they are going to serve you a meal, it will say "lunch provided" or "dinner provided" or "we'll serve pizza" or some such.

I agree that the "good" (non-meal) times are the first to go, as it is expensive to throw a party what with the gift bags and decorations and cake and facility rental. Feeding a meal to a big group may put it out of range for some people.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Parker'smommy* 
The invitation said, "snacks" and that's what was provided. You got a cupcake. Isn't that a snack? I just don't get why you would assume that a meal was going to be provided when the invitation specifically said - snack.

This is the part that is hard to understand for me too. Dinnertime is different for everyone. I think 6:00 is pretty standard to assume, but someone here mentioned 5:30, and in my house we regularly eat at 7:00. The party was over at 6:00 and the invite said "snacks". You either hit a restaurant on the way home or have something in the crock pot or have something really quick after giving the kids a snack you have in the car if they didn't get enough at the party.

I've seen everything from cake and ice cream to cake and ice cream and a huge spread of appetizers that would ruin the dinner of everyone there. Speaking of which, if there was too much food, someone would complain you ruined their kid's dinner and how wasteful it was to have so much more food than was needed. And in our society, we link food to all things. Maybe they are trying to downplay the need for food to be served at every hour of the day.

I think you go into it knowing there is a range of what could happen, have snacks in the car, and be grateful that your child was included in a fun birthday party. Even if you didn't get pretzels and baby carrots.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
Fine, I can feed pizza to 15 kids. They don't eat much, we're talking a few pizzas and a cake, maybe some goldfish crackers and fruit. But with that guest list of kids, now we're talking upwards of 20 adults, close to 30 when you include grandparents and other close relatives (we all live right near each other). No way can I afford to feed 30 adults!

I can totally relate to this, because some birthday parties we are more strapped for than others. When our budget is tighter, we tend to try to be as obvious as possible that the party is going to have light snacks. We set the time to be some 1-4pm, or 1:30-4:30pm, and we put "Light snacks and beverages provided." on the invitation. For us, light snacks would be chips and dip, a veggie platter (perhaps one we make ourselves) with ranch dip, cut up cantaloupe and some other fruit that was on sale, deviled eggs (can be really cheap with cheap eggs) and perhaps some sort of spinach dip and cut up french bread. Then we make lemonade, iced tea, serve water, buy cheap juice boxes. We can always put out a pretty nice spread for less than $100 and we usually have close to the same amount of people at our parties, too.


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## karemore (Oct 7, 2008)

Every party we've been to whether at someone's home or at a gym/ party place the adults have always been fed.

I can't imagine having a party at dinner time and not feeding people. A mid afternoon party would have avoided the expectation of a meal.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I think the food provided should have extended to adults since it was not a drop off party.
I don't think you should expect "snacks" to be super filling but it is rude to me not to provide enough of what you are serving for everyone expected to be there.

I'd just eat a sandwich before the party or put a granola bar in your purse in future if it is close to your meal time.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

But I admit I'm touchy about this, because every year it's a sore topic for us. When I was a kid everyone dropped off the kids, and my mom fed them chips and dip and cake. Now we have to start saving months in advance so that I can feed pizza, salad and appetizers to all the adults.
I acan relate I'm not as touchy but can still relate. WHen I agreed that DD could have her fancy pizza party at CEC it immediently came with some strings and one was the guest list had to be very limited no way I could have afforded all her classmates neighborhood friends and there parents. So because I did want to provide at least a little food for ALL the guest list was limited to 8 and I assumed at least 1 adult per kid.. We ended up with 6 kids and 8 adults including my family I spent around $60 that day for pizza drinks and tokens. At the time that could have been $6,000.

Deanna


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
The fact that there is any expectation other than showing up to celebrate a birthday kind of irks me. I don't care if there wasn't cake or any food at all, to be honest. I might be hungry when I left, and I might think it odd, but I certainly wouldn't feel like they owed me food.

I totally agree. Especially in this economy. We should lower our "expectations" especially in the case of a toddler/preschool bday celebration. It pains me to think that a family would feel like they couldn't throw a celebration for their child because their budget is too tight to meet expectations. The kids run around for a couple of hours and some kind of cake/cupcake/cookie is served. I can handle going 2-3 hours without snacking.

My goodness, I could never afford to join those toddler gyms, I would be thrilled to bring ds to one with all of his friends.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

To me, the host's job is to host, and I do think it's rude to hold a party at what is a typical meal time, expect parents to stay, and not provide at least some cheese and crackers in sufficient quantity for everyone to nibble.

A lot of people seem to be griping about the expense. Well, it's not that expensive to get a couple of blocks of cheese and a couple boxes of non-goldfish crackers and set those out as snacks for the adults and kids. And remember, it's not like this was a party at someone's house or apartment - every gym or party rental place that I've ever seen costs a minimum of $150, and the usual is more than that. If someone is willing to shell out that much to rent a place, I just don't see why $15 for some snacks for the adults is the large hardship that some of you are discussing. If it is that much of a hardship, then I'd expect the family to do what I do: hold a smaller party in my home where I can afford to feed the smaller number of people I invite!


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
This is a bit of a sore topic for me. Every birthday party we've had, whether at our house or at a gymnastics place or at a playground, I've always had plenty of food for both kids and adults. But you know what, it costs me a lot of money to feed the adults. In my circle of friends it seems that no one drops their kid off at the party - they all stay. Which is fine with me, but honestly, it gets to the point where I can't afford to feed all these people.

For instance, ds1 turns 8 in May. There is a list of at least 8 kids we pretty much have to invite (I mean, we want to as well, but there's no scaling back this list): his cousin, his best friend, his other really good friend and his sister, and the two neighbor boys across the street. And that's if he didn't invite a single other friend from Little League, or his homeschool co-op, or anything else. If he did, that would bring the number of kids up to about 15 (there are 5 in his co-op, and he'd have to invite all if he invited 1, and they are all very close).

Fine, I can feed pizza to 15 kids. They don't eat much, we're talking a few pizzas and a cake, maybe some goldfish crackers and fruit. But with that guest list of kids, now we're talking upwards of 20 adults, close to 30 when you include grandparents and other close relatives (we all live right near each other). No way can I afford to feed 30 adults!

It really kind of makes me crazy that I'm expected to spend hundreds of dollars on food to feed all the adults simply because my son wants to invite his friends to his birthday party.

The fact that there is any expectation other than showing up to celebrate a birthday kind of irks me. I don't care if there wasn't cake or any food at all, to be honest. I might be hungry when I left, and I might think it odd, but I certainly wouldn't feel like they owed me food.

But I admit I'm touchy about this, because every year it's a sore topic for us. When I was a kid everyone dropped off the kids, and my mom fed them chips and dip and cake. Now we have to start saving months in advance so that I can feed pizza, salad and appetizers to all the adults.

This is why we have never thrown my kids a large party. We just have family at our home. Even that is a stress on the budget that we save up for, when we're talking 10 adults and 3 or 4 kids. We just can't feed more than that, and we certainly can't pay for an activity center on top of it all.

Maybe you can just not plan on a big event. We have really good friends that invite us to their party's every year and they know we just can't afford to do an activity center, and we have a small house so we can only do family parties. No one has ever been insulted or taken us off their guest list in return.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainyday* 
To me, the host's job is to host, and I do think it's rude to hold a party at what is a typical meal time, expect parents to stay, and not provide at least some cheese and crackers in sufficient quantity for everyone to nibble.

A lot of people seem to be griping about the expense. Well, it's not that expensive to get a couple of blocks of cheese and a couple boxes of non-goldfish crackers and set those out as snacks for the adults and kids. And remember, it's not like this was a party at someone's house or apartment - every gym or party rental place that I've ever seen costs a minimum of $150, and the usual is more than that. If someone is willing to shell out that much to rent a place, I just don't see why $15 for some snacks for the adults is the large hardship that some of you are discussing. If it is that much of a hardship, then I'd expect the family to do what I do: hold a smaller party in my home where I can afford to feed the smaller number of people I invite!

I understand what you are saying about hosting etiquette, and that seems to be the popular opinion. And I am one who likes to put out tons of food for parties.
However, I just don't see anything positive about this attitude.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
This is why we have never thrown my kids a large party. We just have family at our home. Even that is a stress on the budget that we save up for, when we're talking 10 adults and 3 or 4 kids. We just can't feed more than that, and we certainly can't pay for an activity center on top of it all.

Maybe you can just not plan on a big event. We have really good friends that invite us to their party's every year and they know we just can't afford to do an activity center, and we have a small house so we can only do family parties. No one has ever been insulted or taken us off their guest list in return.

I understand this also, it is important to work with what we have. That's why we are fortunate here to be able to use the playgrounds year round.
But if my kid gets to play at one of those gyms for a couple of hours with friends, I can't see being disgruntled over the absence of crackers and cheese. And I get pretty crabby when I'm hungry too.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
I understand this also, it is important to work with what we have. That's why we are fortunate here to be able to use the playgrounds year round.
But if my kid gets to play at one of those gyms for a couple of hours with friends, I can't see being disgruntled over the absence of crackers and cheese. And I get pretty crabby when I'm hungry too.

Oh yes, I agree. And I posted a page or two back in agreement as well. I personally don't feel comfortable inviting people over without knowing that I have plenty of food. And I usually over do it and we are eating left over party food for dinner for a week.







But I wold never expect anyone to feed me at a kids party. and my kids and I both get kind of crabby without food, so unless the invite specifically says something like "pizza will be served" I make sure to feed my kids before we get there.

Totally off topic, a good tip someone gave me was to have snacks in the car. I cleaned out the glove box of old receipts and whatever collected in there and made room for 3 or 4 cereal bars, and 4 snack sized zip-lock baggies with things like cheddar bunnies, almonds and Joe's o's. (nothing that melts we live in a warm climate) What a wonderful difference this has made in my life! I never have to cut errand running short to go home for hungry little ones. Plus they are not crabby while we are out and about.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

if it were me, and i wanted people to come to my kids' parties not just this year but into the future, i'd want to make it accommodating to the parents too. and yes, i want the parents there too. so i would serve more food. but i'm fortunate to have a huge yard, and my kids birthdays are in the outdoors seasons, so i'm planning to *not* have to pay for gymnastics places, etc. i'm going to spend the money on food.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I've never been to a birthday party that didn't have food for the parents, as well as the kids. However, if an invitation said "snacks", I wouldn't assume there'd be a lot of food, and would have plans for dinner (maybe something in the crockpot that I could eat the next day if there was more food than expected at the party).

yeah, if the parents have to be there, they should at least have snacks for you guys. i think it's weird not to. all the parties we go to, the kids and adults all eat. it's usually casual buffet-syle dinner, but always at least lots of snacky stuff.


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## phrogger (Oct 16, 2006)

Here is what I do for parties. I state specific times, AFTER lunch, tell them the kids can be dropped off at 2 and picked up at 4, Cake and Icecream will be provided (on the invitation). Then after the last the kids school friends or the neighborhood friends etc. gets picked up, the close family friends will start up the bbq and we do hot dogs or something. It is cheaper and that way we still have our close family gathering and the kids can still have their friends there, but itisn't a huge to do and not overly expensive.

If it were at a gym likethat, it woudl say cake and icecream will be served and I might have a little bit of chips or fruit or veggies, but I wouldn't assume that anyone expected anything other then cake and ice cream.


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## calebsmommy25 (Aug 23, 2008)

I never realized how much opinions varied on this subject. I don't think I would be angry at the host of the gym party for not feeding me, as long as my child had something to eat. I do always try to bring a granola bar, fruit and a drink with me wherever I go because when I am HUNGRY I seriously go crazy and thankfully for right now ds always has milk, so we are good!

Parties can get very expensive, however, it is all about how you use your money. My parents always managed to (and still do) throw FANTASTIC parties (birthday or other get together) and spend a minimal amount of money for entertainment and food. Food can def be pricey, but you can do it within budgets, it just takes more time and effort to search out sales, using coupons, making things from scratch, etc.

I used to work at chuck e cheese and man those birthday parties were sometimes sooo expensive, especially when adding in food for the sometimes unexpected extra adults. There were some families that saved up all year to be able to provide their child with that special birthday party...it would melt my heart.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

So I am getting the impression from some of you that you should plan a party so you can feed the parents? Give up your child's wish to have the party at a gym, etc. so you can feed the parents? Isn't a birthday party about the child, not the parent's expectations? If your child wants a special party and you can afford the gym party, but not to feed the parents appetizers, you should forego your child's wishes? I am not agreeing with this.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
This is a bit of a sore topic for me. Every birthday party we've had, whether at our house or at a gymnastics place or at a playground, I've always had plenty of food for both kids and adults. But you know what, it costs me a lot of money to feed the adults. In my circle of friends it seems that no one drops their kid off at the party - they all stay. Which is fine with me, but honestly, it gets to the point where I can't afford to feed all these people.

For instance, ds1 turns 8 in May. There is a list of at least 8 kids we pretty much have to invite (I mean, we want to as well, but there's no scaling back this list): his cousin, his best friend, his other really good friend and his sister, and the two neighbor boys across the street. And that's if he didn't invite a single other friend from Little League, or his homeschool co-op, or anything else. If he did, that would bring the number of kids up to about 15 (there are 5 in his co-op, and he'd have to invite all if he invited 1, and they are all very close).

Fine, I can feed pizza to 15 kids. They don't eat much, we're talking a few pizzas and a cake, maybe some goldfish crackers and fruit. But with that guest list of kids, now we're talking upwards of 20 adults, close to 30 when you include grandparents and other close relatives (we all live right near each other). No way can I afford to feed 30 adults!

It really kind of makes me crazy that I'm expected to spend hundreds of dollars on food to feed all the adults simply because my son wants to invite his friends to his birthday party.

The fact that there is any expectation other than showing up to celebrate a birthday kind of irks me. I don't care if there wasn't cake or any food at all, to be honest. I might be hungry when I left, and I might think it odd, but I certainly wouldn't feel like they owed me food.

But I admit I'm touchy about this, because every year it's a sore topic for us. When I was a kid everyone dropped off the kids, and my mom fed them chips and dip and cake. Now we have to start saving months in advance so that I can feed pizza, salad and appetizers to all the adults.

IMO, if the kids are old enough to drop off (and at 8, they certainly are, since they're old enough to be at school all day - and even walk there alone in some areas), then there's no reason you should be expected to feed the adults. It's different if the children being invited are so young that the parents _have_ to stay, imo.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *primjillie* 
So I am getting the impression from some of you that you should plan a party so you can feed the parents? Give up your child's wish to have the party at a gym, etc. so you can feed the parents? Isn't a birthday party about the child, not the parent's expectations? If your child wants a special party and you can afford the gym party, but not to feed the parents appetizers, you should forego your child's wishes? I am not agreeing with this.

I actually do think the parents should be fed if they're expected to be there (as in, it's not a drop off party). However, it's not just that. I think most people would assume there was going to be cake at a birthday party, as it's a cultural norm. Therefore, if the invitation specified "snacks", I'd assume there was food _in addition_ to the cake. This party served cupcakes in lieu of a single cake, so there was cake. However, contrary to the invitation (imo, and in the view of most people I know), there was no other food available for adults.

I honestly have to wonder about the "child's wish" to have the party at a gym, too. This was a pretty young child, and, ime, children that young generally don't even know that parties of that kind are available. My children certainly never knew about such things. There was no way I could afford to have one of those parties, so I simply never brought up the possibility.


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

This is an interesting subject.

To answer the OP specifically:

I think the expectation to "fill up" on snacks was unrealistic. However, I think if the host puts out food, there should be enough for everyone. I.E. If they put out a fruit tray, there should be enough fruit for kids and adults.

I also think it was a weird time to have a party but who knows, maybe there were specific reasons for that.

In general:

I am another person that always has food at my parties and plenty to go around. Social events often include food, I have found this to be true pretty much everywhere.

I have seen several people mention that they can't afford to "feed everyone" but it seems like a lot of people are talking about pre-purchased food like pizza, subs, ect. I think it is perfectly reasonable to say on the invitation "pizza and drinks for the kids" and then provide something cheap and homemade for the adults. Some things that come to mind:

Chili and cornbread
Nachos
Lasagna and Garlic bread

I am also a little torn on the issue of having a party at an expensive place like a gym, Chuck e Cheese, ect.. but then not providing for the guests. That is kind of rude IMO. It's probably just me but I think you should have the party you can afford to have, rather then pass the cost on to others so you can have the party you want to have. I would rather have a birthday party at my home for DD with homemade food and games then have a party at Chuck E Cheese where everyone had to buy their own food. I would probably tell her that we could go to Chuck E Cheese just as a family and have a party at home where she can invite her friends.


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *primjillie* 
So I am getting the impression from some of you that you should plan a party so you can feed the parents? Give up your child's wish to have the party at a gym, etc. so you can feed the parents? Isn't a birthday party about the child, not the parent's expectations? If your child wants a special party and you can afford the gym party, but not to feed the parents appetizers, you should forego your child's wishes? I am not agreeing with this.

Hmm...well I guess the way I see it is that if you can truly afford the special gym party, then you can probably afford the extra $20 to put out another veggie and fruit tray so everyone can have a snack. If you really can't afford the $20 then you probably can't really afford the special gym party.


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## Spring Lily (Sep 26, 2006)

If parents were expected to be there, the hosts should have provided snacks for them. Period. You don't invite guests and then purposefully not put out enough food for them! I think that was rude.

And I agree with the others who said your expectation to fill up on snacks was unrealistic.

What a weird time for a party though.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I think you should either plan on not have any food or plan to get enough carrot sticks for everyone you expect to be there. Yeah if you are buying expensive food it is hard to feed a lot of people but you can plan less expensive snacks or invite less people. When you expect the parents of a young child to stay that means they should be considered a guest too.

I think guests should not assume anything with regard to food when they are invited to a party. IME, if you think you or your child will be hungry before the party is over eat before the party or bring a snack. Doesn't matter what time the party is or if it is at a restaurant.
I've been to more than one restaurant party where "guests" had to buy all their food and drinks (even for the kids). It wasn't on the invitation.


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

I would have expected food since the party was at the dinner hour. If they didn't want to serve snacks, they should have gone for a more between meals time like 2-4 pm or something. I think if the parents have to stay for the party, they should be fed as well (or better!) then the kids. If it was my party, I would have fed you!


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

I also wanted to add that if I were in the OP's situation I wouldn't be upset or angry or anything like that at the hosts and I don't think she is either.

I think this is just a conversation about the "principal" of things, regarding food at birthday parties


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onlyzombiecat* 
I think you should either plan on not have any food or plan to get enough carrot sticks for everyone you expect to be there. Yeah if you are buying expensive food it is hard to feed a lot of people but you can plan less expensive snacks or invite less people. When you expect the parents of a young child to stay that means they should be considered a guest too.

I think guests should not assume anything with regard to food when they are invited to a party. IME, if you think you or your child will be hungry before the party is over eat before the party or bring a snack. Doesn't matter what time the party is or if it is at a restaurant.
*I've been to more than one restaurant party where "guests" had to buy all their food and drinks (even for the kids). It wasn't on the invitation.*

Bolding mine. I have got to say, I really dislike when people have birthday parties at restaurants and expect the guests to pay. I know some people plan in advance with everyone and I can understand that, especially when you are just talking close family and very close friends. But to send out an invitation to a birthday party, saying it is at so and so restaurant and then expecting guests to pay for their dinner is really rude IMO.


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I live in an area where we don't have the little gym things, so it's not a huge issue. Birthdays are generally at the kid's home, or occasionally at the park in nice weather.

Our approach has always been family-centered, but anytime I have a gathering of adults and a bunch of kids, I make sure there's food out. No one said it had to be expensive stuff- bbq and pasta salad stuff in the summer or chili etc in the winter would be great and pretty cheap. Put together some punch and make sure there are comfy places to chat/sit/down/relax while the kids have a ball.

If things were really tight, I might consider doing a potluck of some sort- 'no presents necessary, but we'd love to share in everyone's favorite potluck gathering dishes while we celebrate being together on X day...' Happily, I have a great family and friends who are pretty used to living in a small town where times get tough on occasion.


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

I'm wondering if this might be a regional issue as well. I wonder if the people who think there should be food for the parents are predominantly from one area of the country? I'm from PA and I think the parents should be fed, but when we have weddings here in PA, we feed people a lot of food, too. I know that in the South, cake and punch receptions are often the norm. People would lose their minds if someone had a cake and punch reception here in PA, so I'm thinking mandatory feeding of guests might be a northeast thing. Any thoughts?


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## JennaW (Oct 11, 2007)

I'm originally from Baltimore, MD and "having food for all" was pretty common for me growing up and we were poor too. I live in California now and it is also common here.

My Grandparents live in the South and it seems like whenever we go to something when I am visiting them there is always food. As far as weddings go, I think the cake and punch thing stems from the obligation to invite so many people.


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## ginadc (Jun 13, 2006)

Here, kid parties usually go one of two ways:

1. At the parents' or relatives' home, in which case there is food for everyone. Usually buffet-style dishes--pasta, meatballs, etc. My MIL "catered" our son's first birthday party (and won raves for her spicy version of a family favorite dish called Chicken Murphy).

2. At a gym/YMCA/other kids' play or event space, in which case there is usually pizza followed by cake or cupcakes. It's usually assumed that the hosts will order enough pizza and dessert to allow the parents to have a bite as well, but there's usually not much else specifically for parents. Sometimes there's a bowl of fruit/tray of veggies and dip, but not always and it's not necessarily expected. Usually the parents are so busy tending to the kids that they hardly have a chance to eat anything anyway.

We're in northern NJ near NYC.


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *primjillie* 
So I am getting the impression from some of you that you should plan a party so you can feed the parents? Give up your child's wish to have the party at a gym, etc. so you can feed the parents? Isn't a birthday party about the child, not the parent's expectations? If your child wants a special party and you can afford the gym party, but not to feed the parents appetizers, you should forego your child's wishes? I am not agreeing with this.

According to the OP, the birthday child in question was 2. I'm sorry but I can't see how a 2 year old could have any real wish that her party take place at a destination like a gym or whatever. The OP also indicated that some of the guests were children under the age of 2 and some a year or so older, so they were far too young to be dropped off by their parents and left unattended (and every gym or play destination I've ever been to does not permit parents to leave children unsupervised, even for parties.)

Finally, I agree with others who have noted that you should have the party you can afford. So yes, if we can't afford the gym party we won't have it regardless of how much my kid may have begged and pleaded for it. And I would never jettison good manners in order to give my kid their fondest wish, I always try to throw fun parties for my kids that they and our guests will enjoy and remember. For me, that includes parents AND children. I get wanting to make your kid happy on their birthday, but I still think that needs to be balanced with being a good host to whoever you invite along to celebrate the day as well.


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## ohiomommy1122 (Jul 7, 2006)

At a gym I would assume that if they said snack there would be some type of snack for everyone but having the party right at dinner time is just really bad planning if they don't plan to feed everyone

I always provide lots of food for everyone that comes tou parties we had at home

but the one party I had a Chuckie cheese I stated in the invite that tokens, candy, drinks, and cake will only be provided at it was up to the partents to order food if they choose to eat or feed their kids the party was at 2;30 so in between lunch and dinner.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JennaW* 
Bolding mine. I have got to say, I really dislike when people have birthday parties at restaurants and expect the guests to pay. I know some people plan in advance with everyone and I can understand that, especially when you are just talking close family and very close friends. But to send out an invitation to a birthday party, saying it is at so and so restaurant and then expecting guests to pay for their dinner is really rude IMO.

I agree. We've had a few guests pay on occasion, but it was like you said - close friends. Basically, my parents used to treat the family to dinner on birthdays - that meant all three siblings, plus our significant others, once we reached a certain age. Sometimes, one of us would have close friends (like my bff, who was then dating my ex's bff) who wanted to come along. Mom usually said that she didn't mind, but couldn't afford that many guests. This was all spelled out _clearly_ ahead of time, and if our friends couldn't afford to pay their own tab, then we'd celebrate later.


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## mamatowill (Aug 23, 2004)

My DS1's bday party is at a play place next month. It is from 4-6 due to an unforeseen conflict for many of the guests. The children are getting pizza or hot dog and cake. I am not providing anything for any parents that stay. I am not expecting them to but nor will I provide food for them. Also this place does not allow outside food nor do they have platters of fruits and veggies available. I will state on the invitation that there will be food for the children.


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *labdogs42* 
I'm wondering if this might be a regional issue as well. <snip> I know that in the South, cake and punch receptions are often the norm.









: That's so ironic. I was just thinking, "I wonder if this is a regional thing because down here we'd NEVER have a party without feeding everybody, their mama, and their cousin too!"

I'm of the mind that birthday parties are more about celebrating life - the life of family, the life of friendships - than any organized activity and in my culture, life and food are pretty much intertwined. In both my social set and my family, we do, within our means, whatever it takes to fully include as many people as possible in our celebrations. If I were unable to afford a big feast, I'd ask for help from my family in the form of potluck.

'Course I'm the woman who had 120 people at dd's 3rd birthday party (which was also a celebration of the finalization of her adoption, thus the massive numbers of people) - with grilled pork loin and the fixins, pb&js and punch and sangria. I didn't spend more than $300 on all that. Now, I know that $300 is a whole lot of money, but we're talking 120 people, so you can imagine that scaled down. It can be done cheaply AND hospitably.

As far as the kid's "wildest dream" to have a party at XYZ, just like Suzy did, well, I think we are _all_ trying to raise kids who value relationships and time spent with family and friends above the expensive and not-usually-really-fun things like Chuck-E-Cheese, right? I'm not saying that it's wrong, necessarily, to give your kid this kind of party (well, I'm _almost_ saying it's wrong, but that's another discussion . . . . ), just that even birthday parties can be teaching tools about what really matters.

And 4 to 6 is arsenic hour 'round here. I doubt I'd even attend a party at that time of day.


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## ginadc (Jun 13, 2006)

Oh, and as far as the time for the party being "weird"--a lot of these play places book up very early for the most popular time slots (usually mid-late morning and midafternoon, around the nap gap). We had to have DD's 3rd birthday party from 5-6:30 pm, literally the only time slot left.

It was a mob scene and literally everyone showed up. Interestingly, a lot of the parents with kids who still nap told us that it worked out great for them, as their child had time to wake up from their nap and work out the post-nap crankies. We actually had no meltdowns whatsoever (among 20-plus 2-4 year-olds!), as compared to a *ton* of meltdowns at DD's friend's 3 pm party last weekend. Not sure if the time slot difference had anything to do with it, but for our crew at least, a later party worked out just fine.


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

I've been to several birthday parties at our local gym and the way they structure the parties there isn't anytime to eat. It's usually 1 1/2 hours in the gym and 30 minutes of cake and presents in a seperate party room away from the gym area, the next party starts in the gym area while you're in the "party room". There is no time for mingling and eating and food isn't allowed anywhere near the gym floor. I never expect to eat at those parties and I'm usually trying to feed ds some protein before we get there so he's not eating sugar on an empty stomach.

Personally I would never host a party at a meal time (noon, 5:30-6:00ish) without providing plenty of food for everyone.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ginadc* 
Oh, and as far as the time for the party being "weird"--a lot of these play places book up very early for the most popular time slots (usually mid-late morning and midafternoon, around the nap gap). We had to have DD's 3rd birthday party from 5-6:30 pm, literally the only time slot left.

It was a mob scene and literally everyone showed up. Interestingly, a lot of the parents with kids who still nap told us that it worked out great for them, as their child had time to wake up from their nap and work out the post-nap crankies. We actually had no meltdowns whatsoever (among 20-plus 2-4 year-olds!), as compared to a *ton* of meltdowns at DD's friend's 3 pm party last weekend. Not sure if the time slot difference had anything to do with it, but for our crew at least, a later party worked out just fine.

I actually think a party at this time would work out really well for ds2 (who still naps) and dd..._if_ there was food. They'd be getting really cranky if there wasn't, though.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

Yes, a party from 4-6 should have had more substantial snacks, at least chips and a veggie and/or fruit platter or something, to at LEAST stave off hunger. Plus, little toddlers and even older children get extremely hungry at gymnastics parties, because they are getting so so so much exercise.
Really? honestly I don't get this if one knows the party was from 4-6 then they adjsut there day so they are not going starving. 4-6 thats 2 hours I serious doubt one will starve and if one has a condition where food may be needed (I do I'm diabetic) then its that persons responsibility to bring there own. According to the OP food was provided for the kids jsut not the adults again its not how I'd personally host a party but I don't get this idea that we should expect to be fed? Honestly if I saw snacks provided I'd assume it meant cake maybe some chips thats about all.

Deanna


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

I do not mean to sound mean but I have to say this

In our area we have so many birthdays with ranges of activity, snack, food.

The parties are for the kids to have fun with their friends, and getting to know your community. These are the important things to me. If I had a choice of great activity, or great food, I would choose activity. Those activities are expensive. Parents are usually so busy looking after their kids, that eating is sporatic if any.

I try not to eat too much at kids birthdays. Friends and I have thrown them and had so many left overs it is wasteful.

My moto is 'You get what you get and you don't through a fit'

But when we threw a birthday at a gymnastics place, we were sure to have enough so-so snacks for the kids at least. fruit tray, prepackaged cheese and crackers, peanut butter crackers. And we made sure is was between meal times, 1:30. Maybe they could not get a time frame like that.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainyday* 
To me, the host's job is to host, and I do think it's rude to hold a party at what is a typical meal time, expect parents to stay, and not provide at least some cheese and crackers in sufficient quantity for everyone to nibble.

A lot of people seem to be griping about the expense. Well, it's not that expensive to get a couple of blocks of cheese and a couple boxes of non-goldfish crackers and set those out as snacks for the adults and kids. And remember, it's not like this was a party at someone's house or apartment - every gym or party rental place that I've ever seen costs a minimum of $150, and the usual is more than that. If someone is willing to shell out that much to rent a place, I just don't see why $15 for some snacks for the adults is the large hardship that some of you are discussing. If it is that much of a hardship, then I'd expect the family to do what I do: hold a smaller party in my home where I can afford to feed the smaller number of people I invite!

Maybe that was the time they could reserve maybe they were trying to schedule around school schedules or work times. 4-6 to me doesn't scream dinner time a party at 4-6 for us would mean eaither I feed everyone before we go (after calling and asking abotu food) or say setting up the crock pot and timing dinner to be ready after the party. Again ones personal view of how they would handle things is one thing but this idea we should be entitled to food leaves me confused. Plus was an adult really told sorry no food for you? Maybe they assumed the kids wouldn't gobble up the snacks as they did and there would be enough for the adults.
All I know is every birthday invite my DD gotten has been several weeks ahead they all been with plenty of time for me to call as ask specifically what will be provided they've all been early enough for me to plan an early or late dinner on those days.

Deanna


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
According to the OP food was provided for the kids jsut not the adults again its not how I'd personally host a party but I don't get this idea that we should expect to be fed? Honestly if I saw snacks provided I'd assume it meant cake maybe some chips thats about all.

If you're inviting kids who are at an age where the parents have to stay, as in the OP, then of course you should feed the parents, if you're feeding the kids. I'm surprised anybody would see it otherwise. The parents _are_ invited in a case like that, even if their names aren't on the invitation. I don't care if it's kids and adults, men and women, or coworkers and personal friends - you don't only provide food for some guests, and not the others.

It's interesting to me that some people would assume cake/cupcakes if they saw snacks, though. I wonder if _that_ might be regional? I've never been to any birthday party - from 1st to 90th - that didn't include a cake. If someone actually wrote "snacks" on the invitation, I'd assume there was more than cake, because the cake is pretty much a given.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

As far as the kid's "wildest dream" to have a party at XYZ, just like Suzy did, well, I think we are all trying to raise kids who value relationships and time spent with family and friends above the expensive and not-usually-really-fun things like Chuck-E-Cheese, right? I'm not saying that it's wrong, necessarily, to give your kid this kind of party (well, I'm almost saying it's wrong, but that's another discussion . . . . ), just that even birthday parties can be teaching tools about what really matters.
this is kinda off topic but also know sometiems when we do agree on a these so called "expensive' places its might not be totally unplanned or to give the kids there wildest dream pary. We did CEC for my DD 6th birthday.
1) It was her first party with guests and she liketly wont have another for several years normally its jsut the imediate family.
2) we lived in a tiny apartment at the time no way we could have hosted at our place
3) WHile her B day is late October here its still VERY hot at that time planning a strictly outdoor party unless its at night (which is popular around here) is risky. On DD birthday it was in the upper 90s.
4) there are precious view indoor places we could have it for as little as I spent at CEC
5) The budget was still tight and I think we did pretty well our total spent was a little under $60 that bought 3 pizzas (2 large one medium) 14 drinks and honestly around 50 tokens a child (that was more than I planned but they kept tossing us extras







)
By somewhat luck our time of a Friday evening (4-6) actually turned out perfect we pretty much had the entire place to our selfs it turned out suprisingly calm and peaceful though I was expecting more choas









Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
If you're inviting kids who are at an age where the parents have to stay, as in the OP, then of course you should feed the parents, if you're feeding the kids. I'm surprised anybody would see it otherwise. The parents _are_ invited in a case like that, even if their names aren't on the invitation. I don't care if it's kids and adults, men and women, or coworkers and personal friends - you don't only provide food for some guests, and not the others.

It's interesting to me that some people would assume cake/cupcakes if they saw snacks, though. I wonder if _that_ might be regional? I've never been to any birthday party - from 1st to 90th - that didn't include a cake. If someone actually wrote "snacks" on the invitation, I'd assume there was more than cake, because the cake is pretty much a given.

FWIW I'm not disagreeing with the idea that as a host WE should feed all. I know its something important to me. What my argument is with is the entitlment that I should expect it that A host owes me food especially enough so I can skip dinner all together. I'm also unsure if they truly had no food for the adults like the adults were told thats for the kids only or if they planned poorly and didn't know how to remedy the situation.

Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

Snacks for the kids were just a fruit tray and a veggie tray,
I might have very well made the same mistake







At 2 my DD barely ate any solids (she still fully nursed) and as the mom to one at the time I might not have fully cosnidered that other kids might gobble up food from a fruit and veggie tray. I could TOTALLY see my self seeing a single tray of fruit and a tray of veggies and thinking ohh that will be enough for everyone.








Sometimes we live and learn.

Deanna


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

I probably shouldn't have said that I thought it was wrong . . . . I really didn't mean to be judgmental, but I can see that it came off that way.

I guess my point is that I love to see the occasion marked more ceremoniously/ceremonially than is possible at a "party place." That's just me. If CEC gave you the opportunity that you wouldn't otherwise be able to have for whatever reason, be it financial/spatial/weather, then that's great.







:


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## RoadBuddy (May 19, 2005)

Food for no one = OK, although the time is a bit odd

Light snacks for everyone = smart. Cheap, and fair. Some chips & dip, a veggie tray and cake would do it.

Meal for everyone = nice but certainly not expected.

Food for kids only = VERY rude. Assuming kids are small and parents need to be there, they are part of the party and should be treated as such.


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
FWIW I'm not disagreeing with the idea that as a host WE should feed all. I know its something important to me. What my argument is with is the entitlment that I should expect it that A host owes me food especially enough so I can skip dinner all together.

ITA

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
I might have very well made the same mistake







At 2 my DD barely ate any solids (she still fully nursed) and as the mom to one at the time I might not have fully cosnidered that other kids might gobble up food from a fruit and veggie tray. I could TOTALLY see my self seeing a single tray of fruit and a tray of veggies and thinking ohh that will be enough for everyone.








Sometimes we live and learn.

Deanna

Eh, not to be argumentative, but my dd doesn't eat ANYTHING at all (literally - she's tube-fed), but I'm aware of what other kids actually eat - particularly if they've been running around a gym burning calories.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
FWIW I'm not disagreeing with the idea that as a host WE should feed all. I know its something important to me. What my argument is with is the entitlment that I should expect it that A host owes me food...

When a host _writes 'snacks' on the invitation_, they owe you food. I really don't see any reasonable argument against this.


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

We went to a party like this recently. It was a pool party at the Y. The ONLY food was the cake and soda. All the kids kept asking if there was pizza because the party was scheduled at 5:30 in the evening. None of them had dinner yet. Most had barely been home.

Any kid party at our house always has food for everyone. Even if our party is out somewhere, we make sure that there is food and everyone can eat. I can't imagine having a party and not feeding people.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndVeeGeeMakes3* 
I probably shouldn't have said that I thought it was wrong . . . . I really didn't mean to be judgmental, but I can see that it came off that way.

I guess my point is that I love to see the occasion marked more ceremoniously/ceremonially than is possible at a "party place." That's just me. If CEC gave you the opportunity that you wouldn't otherwise be able to have for whatever reason, be it financial/spatial/weather, then that's great.







:

Don't worry I know what you meant and I actually agree







: its jsut another one of those things that I MYSELF have had to change attitudes about so wanted to share a diffrent POV.

Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndVeeGeeMakes3* 
ITA

Eh, not to be argumentative, but my dd doesn't eat ANYTHING at all (literally - she's tube-fed), but I'm aware of what other kids actually eat - particularly if they've been running around a gym burning calories.

And so am I but are we not allowed to make mistakes. ALl I'm saying is I would have looked at a tray of fruits and veggies called on what I have seen my child eat what I'd seem her friends eat and years of seeing preschool age kids eat and assumed it was a decent amount. I would have also felt HORRIBLE once I figured out I was wrong.









Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
When a host _writes 'snacks' on the invitation_, they owe you food. I really don't see any reasonable argument against this.

They DID have snacks. There was cupcakes there was a fruit and veggie tray. Should there of maybe been more. Probably or it would have been nice. I just fail to see where the parents were told they could no eat that the food was strictly for the kids only.
Now OTOH my brothers 2 youngest son was invited to a ZOO party. He was soo excited but when they arrived they learned they expected the parents to buy entrace tickets (for there kids) $8 for the kids and $12 if they adults stayed. That was tacky.

Deanna


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## seawind (Sep 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndVeeGeeMakes3* 







: That's so ironic. I was just thinking, "I wonder if this is a regional thing because down here we'd NEVER have a party without feeding everybody, their mama, and their cousin too!"

*I'm of the mind that birthday parties are more about celebrating life - the life of family, the life of friendships - than any organized activity and in my culture, life and food are pretty much intertwined.* In both my social set and my family, we do, within our means, whatever it takes to fully include as many people as possible in our celebrations. If I were unable to afford a big feast, I'd ask for help from my family in the form of potluck.

As far as the kid's "wildest dream" to have a party at XYZ, just like Suzy did, well, I think we are _all_ trying to raise kids who value relationships and time spent with family and friends above the expensive and not-usually-really-fun things like Chuck-E-Cheese, right? I'm not saying that it's wrong, necessarily, to give your kid this kind of party (well, I'm _almost_ saying it's wrong, but that's another discussion . . . . ), *just that even birthday parties can be teaching tools about what really matters.*

I absolutely agree with you.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
When a host _writes 'snacks' on the invitation_, they owe you food. I really don't see any reasonable argument against this.

And if the invitation is to your kid, then your kid gets snacks, not you as her chaperone.

Any party I've been to for little kids, the invite has been to the whole family. Ergo, whole family gets fed.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Irishmommy* 
And if the invitation is to your kid, then your kid gets snacks, not you as her chaperone.

Seriously? Wow - I've never heard of anyone doing that. If you don't want me dumping my 2 year old and leaving (and nobody does), then treat me as a guest, too, yk? This is one of the things I hate about "etiquette"...when you know damned well that someone _has_ to attend your party in order for the official invitee to attend, then that person has a defacto invitation, no matter what an etiquette book might say. A parent accompanying their child to a party isn't a plaster statue.

In any case, the host in the OP didn't seem to think _that_, either, as the OP got a cupcake...

Quote:

Any party I've been to for little kids, the invite has been to the whole family. Ergo, whole family gets fed.
The only children's parties I've attended are for family, and there aren't any invitations. The written invitations started up when ds1 started school, and they were all drop off parties.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I always provide food for both parents and adults until last year when i realized that the parents weren't going to stay after the age of 5 and I had to throw a boatload of food away.

We've done home parties for the past two years and no parents stayed. Prior to that, I always provided enough food for parents and kids, no matter what time of day it was. But I like to always have lunch or dinner so I usually do 12-2 or 4-6. I am usually begging parents to eat so that I don't have to throw away food. Even for the home parties, I always buy extra stuff (veggies, chips) just in case some parents stay.

At a 2-year old party that said snacks provided, i would have expected there to be enough snacks for everyone. An extra $15-20 would have been enough to provide snacks for the adults.


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Irishmommy* 
And if the invitation is to your kid, then your kid gets snacks, not you as her chaperone.

Any party I've been to for little kids, the invite has been to the whole family. Ergo, whole family gets fed.

I always address the invitations to the kid, because little kids don't get a lot of mail and get excited when it's addressed "just for them". I guess I could go with formal double envelope invitations with the mailing address on the outside envelope and all the invited guests first names on the inner envelope, but that seems a little bit over-the-top. We usually have alcohol at birthday parties around here, obviously that's not provided for the guests whose names were written on the envelope.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

I've been to a lot of different parties, so I never assume anything.

I've been to "destination" parties with no food OR cake (build-a-bear party at the store),

and "destination" parties with food only for the children (roller-rink party, with an a package including "5 tokens and one slice of pizza for each child" sort of thing--in this case, there is usually a snack bar and I buy food for myself and her sibling),

and "destination" parties with food and cake for everyone (usually food brought in by the parent).

At this point, unless the invitation specifies a dinner or lunch included (and me as a guest), I eat before taking dc to parties.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
When a host _writes 'snacks' on the invitation_, they owe you food. I really don't see any reasonable argument against this.

Okay, etiquette-wise, they should provide food. I totally agree. And as a host, I would never dream of not providing enough food for everyone in attendance. But I also would never think to get upset over getting nothing more than a cupcake at an afternoon party, even if it said "snacks" on the invitation. It just wouldn't occur to me.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
Okay, etiquette-wise, they should provide food. I totally agree. And as a host, I would never dream of not providing enough food for everyone in attendance. But I also would never think to get upset over getting nothing more than a cupcake at an afternoon party, even if it said "snacks" on the invitation. It just wouldn't occur to me.

I'd probably be annoyed, because it's never happened. I'd have been anticipating some actual food of some kind (be it cheese & crackers, fruit, veggies...whatever), and the two hours, plus travel time each way, right in the middle of my dinner hour would be really frustrating. Once it had happened once, I'd probably be prepared with granola bars or something, though. Honestly, before I read this thread, it would never have occurred to me that anybody would invite children who needed parents to stay with them, write "snacks" on the invitation, and then not feed everybody...something more than cupcakes, because cupcake/piece of cake is pretty much a given at a birthday party, ime. It's just not something I'd expect at all. Sure - I could go the two hours (or, more realistically, three or so, by the time I got my kids in their seats both ways, and did the travel) without food...but it would probably be much more than that, because I'd have been expecting something food-wise at the party, so it's not like I'd have stuffed my face ahead of time, yk? Plus, I'd have probably planned a light supper (or one of our really bad nights, when we just eat a really big bowl of popcorn, because we're not really hungry), so I'd still need to figure out food when I got home.

So...yeah - now that I know that someone might put "snacks" on an invitation, but not provide snacks, I'll be prepared for such a thing. Prior to reading this thread, though, I wouldn't have been...so it would have been a hassle.


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## AlwaysByMySide (May 4, 2007)

I was brought up with the rule that you can only invite as many people as the age you are turning. No need for me to rent out a gym until DD turns 10.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlwaysByMySide* 
I was brought up with the rule that you can only invite as many people as the age you are turning. No need for me to rent out a gym until DD turns 10.



















DS1's parties have become much smaller in the last few years. When he turned...think it was six...there were 18 kids at his party. When he turned 14, there were 4 (including him in both counts). It's kind of funny...


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
So...yeah - now that I know that someone might put "snacks" on an invitation, but not provide snacks, I'll be prepared for such a thing.









Lesson learned!


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rainyday* 
To me, the host's job is to host, and I do think it's rude to hold a party at what is a typical meal time, expect parents to stay, and not provide at least some cheese and crackers in sufficient quantity for everyone to nibble.

A lot of people seem to be griping about the expense. Well, it's not that expensive to get a couple of blocks of cheese and a couple boxes of non-goldfish crackers and set those out as snacks for the adults and kids. And remember, it's not like this was a party at someone's house or apartment - every gym or party rental place that I've ever seen costs a minimum of $150, and the usual is more than that. If someone is willing to shell out that much to rent a place, I just don't see why $15 for some snacks for the adults is the large hardship that some of you are discussing. If it is that much of a hardship, then I'd expect the family to do what I do: hold a smaller party in my home where I can afford to feed the smaller number of people I invite!

I totally agree, I think that in the case you can't afford to feed everyone then don't have a party. The party was for a 2 yo, he doesn't know or care. Host a family party only in your home or have toddlers over for a playdate to celebrate instead. No real reason for a gymnastics party at 2 years old.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

if the invite said snacks I would assume snacks, not enough to cancle dinner. regardless of time. Although I think it is rude to plan a party at dinner time and not provide a meal.

as for feeding parents at a party like that no. Its just a couple hours and most adults can go that long without a snack. I would expect drinks though. and it is nice they offered cake.


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## delphine (Aug 12, 2003)

This has been my experience. I have 2 boys, turning 5 and 7 this spring. We do 2 parties. One for both of the boys' school mates, at a "destination" (this year, Bounce U, but we did a gymnastics place last year). The other party is for family and close friends and we do that at home.

So, last year, the gymnastics place served pizza/drinks/cake to all the kids. We had the option to purchase more pizza, which we did. And not ONE parent ate a bit of it. They do not allow outside food other than the cake, so we did not have the option to provide other food. The parents had the option to stay or leave but most stayed and noone ate except the kids. At other parties we have been to for the boys school friends, none of the adults eat, regardless of the time. Food provided has ranged from full spreads to just cake/cupcakes.

This year, at Bounce U, we are providing pizza and cake for only the kids. They do not allow any food brought in and they provide 1 piece of pizza per child, along with drinks. We will offer cake to any parents who stay (they are welcome to drop off and leave or stay, whichever they prefer).

For our home party, I specify that lunch is included and we will have lunch for everyone. Parents will generally stay and bring siblings, spouses etc.


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## ncas72 (Sep 7, 2006)

DS is 2 and a summer baby. We are in upstate NY. For the past two birthday parties, we have had a barbecue where we fed all party goers. While it was nice to get together with everyone, I barely got a chance to sit down and chat and neither did DH who managed the barecue grill.

Growing up, most parties I went to only included cupcakes and snacks (cheesedoodles, potato chips, etc.) but DH's family always had a big shindig with lots of food.

This year, we are having a blueberry picking party and cupcakes only. It will be a much smaller party this year, so we will probably call to let everyone know that there won't be any food except blueberries and cupcakes.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

I personally dont think they are obligated to feed parents to be honest. The party is for the kids. I have hosted many bday parties and often both parents come. So there you have tripled the amount of food and cost. I just dont think its necessary. That being said, I DO always provide food for the parents but I certianly would not plan on it being my dinner.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I'm also wondering if the invite had a RSVP on it? Whiel I know many people ingnore this it still coulf have been what they were going off and were expecting fewer kids than actually showed up. therfore caught off guard with the lack of food.
I agree its polite and good manners to provide for all comming but I still fail to see how this was delebertly a plot not to feed the parents. I see no where where the parents were told you may not eat its JUST for the kids. I think assuming there would be enough so you could skip dinner was assuming too much. (ttoally understand the hope though)

Deanna


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
I've never even _thought_ of serving food at a birthday party (unless it's in a restaurant or at home)







:

my daughter's party is Sat and we were planning to do it at an arcade (no eating allowed). we were going to make 'gift bags' for all of the kids with treats and a few small toys, but now I'm wondering if we should put something small together for the parents..

would that work or do people really expect to fill up?

ahhh, I feel so....overwhelmed! and caught off-guard!

Wow, I've never heard of a party without food of some sort. I think parents would expect to have food at least for the kids.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *labdogs42* 
I'm wondering if this might be a regional issue as well. I wonder if the people who think there should be food for the parents are predominantly from one area of the country? I'm from PA and I think the parents should be fed, but when we have weddings here in PA, we feed people a lot of food, too. I know that in the South, cake and punch receptions are often the norm. People would lose their minds if someone had a cake and punch reception here in PA, so I'm thinking mandatory feeding of guests might be a northeast thing. Any thoughts?

I've lived in three places in the South and have never gone to a cake and punch reception. Definitely not the norm. I grew up in PA and haven't noticed any regional differences related to food at parties and weddings.


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