# Grabbing my face, what to do now?...



## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Hiya, I was hoping for some BTDT advice..and let me just clarify, I am not looking to discipline my 4 month old!









I love how curious my daughter is, and it makes my heart melt that she is learning to control her arms and legs more, able to reach for things and such... she has started grabbing my face, nose, lips, cheeks, that sort of thing, and other than saying "that hurts mama" (gently) or "gentle" and pulling her hand away when she is a bit too rough or demonstrating "gentle"... I generally just let her do it --

Am I setting myself up down the line or what? I guess my thing is, she is just now learning to manipulate her arms and legs the way she wants, and that is so awesome to her (and us!) -- so I don't want to immediately kill that by never letting her touch my face/hair etc... I really don't mind much, but I know other people don't appreciate that kind of thing blah blah...

So what do I do... begin redirecting now, or wait... then run the risk of her little baby mind thinking "hmm, it was cool before, what's up with her saying 'we don't touch faces' now?"

May seem like a silly question, but I was thinking about it!

Oh, PS, I do generally give her something else to hold which interests her for a while, but nothing is as cool as mama (and daddy's) face!


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Hey Captain Crunchy, I remember you from the homebirth board, glad things are going well.

My four mo. old is also doing this. I'll be interested to see what other people say because I've never considered redirecting him. I usually try to turn my mouth and give him a razzberry or a kiss on his hand, or I even say "You got me!" in a congrulatory way if he grabs my face. Like you said, they're just barely figuring out that they have control of their limbs.

He also kneads my breast and pinches it while we nurse, I just try to get him to hold my hand instead. And he grabs dd's hair when she gets too close. But I've never redirected him, or even told him it hurts, I've just opened his hand and untangled it. I guess I do say "Uh-oh!" But that's more for dd's sake than his. Hmmm. I guess it just seems too young, and I really want to congratulate these newly emerging skills. And I always explain to dd that he didn't do it on purpose, that he didn't know he had her hair. So it would be contradictory to then expect him to understand that hurts. That probably didn't make any sense whatsoever!


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Thanks for the reply! I only redirect when she is physically hurting me (unintentionally of course)... but like you, I am so happy to see her learning these new skills and being so proud of herself... but I was wondering if it gave conflicting messages to be all cool with it now, then in like 3, 4, 6 months be saying "we don't grab faces" (or whatever)...


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

captain crunchy i did not do the redirecting till my dd was mobile getting into unsafe things. you do have the right idea. they dont know their strength and so we have to show them how to use their strength - a skill she cannot learn if u start removing her hand.

what i did was hold her hand and gently guide her to stroke my cheek saying gentle, gentle. i also used a lot of pantomime to get her to understand what 'hurt' really meant. of course sometimes she found my faces really funny. i didnt ALWAYS discipline her but depending on the situation i have also done what sarah does many times. if my dd was playfully checking me out, smiling and giggling all the way i reacted playfully too like sarah. but if she was serioulsy checking me out, a v. concentrated effort then i did the 'talk and show touch' thing.

you are probably aware of this but i thought i would still point out as it is a v. v. important fact. they take at least anything from 2 weeks to 4 weeks to figure out what u r saying - even more for an infant. even with an 18 month old. and it wont stop all at once either. suddenly u will notice that the behav. is getting rare and more rare.

but i dont think u should worry about following thru right now. development at ur dd's age is so amazingly fast that what she is at 4 months is different at what she is at 6 months.

do what u feel comfortable with. i started this early with my dd for two reasons. one was i didnt want to underestimate what she understood or didnt. it didnt hurt to talk and show appropriate behav i felt. i also would always explain why i was stopping or redirecting. plus it also got me into the training mode of one how to express myself and two to prevent yelling in future. (my dd has always enjoyed me 'talking' to her - even now. as an infant sometimes the only way i could make her fall asleep was talking on the phone - she didnt like me singing to her - and today she wants me to tell her stories apart from just reading from a book).


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## papapoochie (Mar 24, 2005)

If I can recall correctly (and I'm probably not) my DS's face grabbing and pinching (ouch!) evolved into teething activities, ie, everything in the mouth around 4 months, and less preoccupation with my very squishy face.

My DW helps me with perspective. "This is just a phase. We don't need to do anything. It will evolve into the next developmental cycle and disapear, so enjoy every moment of it all!"

But that leaves you with an hurting and red face. I guess I just turned my head away a bit or gave him a face snuggle to divert the squish. Ahhh, seems so long ago....he's now 3.


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

My 5.5-month-old daughter has been touching and grabbing my face for a while now. I just talk to her about what she's doing - "That's Mama's chin!" "You found Mama's mouth!" - and sometimes try to make the connection to her own face. "You have Mama's chin... here's Alex's chin!" If she hurts me I say "Ouch, that hurts Mama" and move her hand, but she very rarely does. I figure that she's exploring and learning, and there's no need to try to rein it in. It's actually kind of flattering to have her so interested in my face. 

The one thing I correct every time is when she grabs my glasses. I say, firmly but not angrily, "No, those are Mama's," and pry her fingers loose. I really want to nip glasses-grabbing in the bud.


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