# Toddler doesn't want to leave daycare



## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

My dd (2yr old) goes to daycare twice a week. Pick ups are horrible! She doesn't want to leave. It turns into a battle and having to force her in her snow gear. Any suggestions to get her to stop flipping out?


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## EchoSoul (Jan 24, 2011)

What do you think she's getting from the daycare that she's not receiving at home? If she's verbal, perhaps she could tell you, or perhaps after some trial and error you could figure it out?


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

Well we don't have 30+ kids at our house...


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## EchoSoul (Jan 24, 2011)

Maybe there's a particular toy there that she wants or something? Or IF it's the fact that there's kids there to play with, perhaps you could compromise with her to set up a play date at a later time with one of the kids or something?


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

The more I think about it the big difference in the day is sleep. At home she takes a 2-3 hour nap at school she lays down for an hour but really only asleep for 20 mins or so. It's just figuring out how to get a cranky tired kid to listen.


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## skycheattraffic (Apr 16, 2012)

My DD does much better if I tell her what fun things we are going to rather than what we're leaving. When we need to go home, I tell her that we are going to see the kitties and she will help feed them. I also give her lots of time and ask her to put on boots,coat, etc herself so she doesn't fight me as much. Maybe something like this might help your LO ease into the transition more readily. Good luck!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My guess is that it has nothing to do with the daycare and wanting to stay there and everything to do with having difficulties with transitions - very hard for that age. I agree about talking about where you're going rather than where you're leaving, as that can get their mind off daycare and onto home, and maybe to have some kind of ritual you follow when leaving daycare and going home. I don't know specifically what and the specifics don't matter, but just like a ritual can make bedtime easier, it can make other transitions easier. It is really hard for that age to move from one thing to another. I hope things start to improve!


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

If she's tired, and that's the primary issue - man, that's rough and no great tips here. My dd's were awful in that state.

I was going to say that my dd2 has been reassured at time in having me draw her a picture of whomever/whatever it was she was upset about leaving, I'd hand it to her and say, "here now you have your own little mommy/daddy/big sis/park with you to bring everywhere!" And she'd be pleased as punch. You could take a photo of the daycare building or teachers or something and let her bring it home, if that's something you suspect might help. Or leave a photo of her there, and say 'little you gets to stay here now until you come back tomorrow.".

For us, the drawing seemed to be something dd could control, and I suspect why it helped for us. Also, a bit of a fun game which dd2 loves.


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## ThreeTwoFive (May 7, 2011)

My 3 yo DS never wants to leave daycare either, which I figure is a good thing. It does make it annoying to get him out of there.

I do best when I'm not in a rush. Having a few extra minutes makes me more calm.
If I can give him 2-5 minutes to finish whatever he's doing, that helps a lot.
I try to pick him up close to the same time his best friend is leaving. 
There's a song they sing at school in Spanish about kids playing in the woods while the wolf is getting ready (google Juguemos en el Bosque to see it). We sing the song, and he says the wolf part as he puts on each item of clothing. Takes an extra 5 minutes, but they're a cooperative 5 min.
I try to give him something about the evening to look forward to. A friend is coming over for dinner, it's pizza night, etc.

Do you have to put on the snow gear? Maybe you could just wrap her in a blanket and whoosh her to the car. Only 6 more weeks of winter, right?


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

All good ideas and points. After reading them I thought about it. She does get bummed leaving the grandparents house and this morning she told me she wants to stay home today, some days she doesn't want to leave the house. So I guess it is more about transitions. She is fine being wherever but leaving seems to be the issue....we will try some of the ideas. We have been telling her she can go visit grandpa (which is one of her favorite things to do) but it doesn't seem to always make a difference.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

What about having something fun waiting in the car, like an exciting snack, or different toy, or even something like the iPad or iPhone if you're comfortable with that. Whatever might distract her to ease the transition a bit!


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## lovemylab (Jan 7, 2013)

She is very food motivated


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## AKmom365 (Feb 28, 2013)

It's so hard and i feel for you. We had dramatic pick ups also. What worked for my son was telling him about the plan for the next day the night before, in the morning before going to daycare and at drop off. It went something like this, "tomorrow you'll go to pre k in the morning then mommy will get you at 11:30 to take you to daycare, then I'll get you at 4:30 and we'll go home and have a snack and do your favorite puzzle before dinner." He'd repeat it back to me at each transition. We also asked the daycare provider to give him a 30 min heads up before we picked him up. Staggering the pick up time to be a little earlier than everyone else may minimize the chaos of transitions. Hang in there! This too shall pass.


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## Quinalla (May 23, 2005)

Yeah, a snack in the car nearly always motivates my DD if she's having a not wanting to leave daycare/park day. Also, if she's in the middle of something when you arrive, is it possible to give her a minute or two to complete? That often helps my DD a lot if I say, "Ok, finish drawing on that paper for one minute and then we have to go." or "Hug your friends goodbye, then we can go." something like that. There are days when it sucks (usually leaving the park) and I just end up carrying or holding the hand of THAT toddler who is carrying on and crying when leaving the park, but most days I can help her through the transition.


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