# Vent: stranger's comments



## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

Maybe its the heat or lack of sleep but one stranger's comment today really bugged me.

I had to see my ob for my 6 week pp check up. I buckle DS2 in the car seat and debate about putting on a hat but decide that the visor on the stroller will do the trick just fine. On the car ride there DS2 decides he is hungry again for the millionth time today (I swear he eats every hour still!) and starts to cry. I debate about stopping but its such a short ride that I decide to just get there as fast as I can. When I get parked I take him out of the seat immediately and comfort him. I know that he will cry harder if I put him back down in the stroller so I decide to carry him and push the stroller to the office. I feel horrible b/c I made him cry in the car and its really sunny out and I don't have a hat for him. As I'm struggling carrying a crying DS2 in one hand and pushing a stroller on an uneven parking lot in another, a woman passing me says "No hat?"

grrrrr

I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"

Instead of a) stating the obvious and b) judging me, it would have been nice just to see a smile from her or maybe even an offer of help. Why oh why do people DO this sort of thing?


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

I hear you! I've gotten "cover her feet!", "she must be hungry!", "you're spoiling her by holding her so much!", "she must be tired!". ARGH!!

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child. It annoys me no end to get unsolicited advice from strangers. It's hard enough being a mother without people telling you what they think you're doing wrong.

Thanks for the chance to rant!


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## Xavismom (Dec 22, 2009)

I would be totally bugged by this too.







Sorry you had a rough day!


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I had a man tell me my son who was 3 months at the time was cold, while we were both sweating buckets from me wearing him.

I got this all.the.time. when DD was 9 months old basically this time of year, the girl ripped any hat off her head, whatever, so annoying.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Ugh! I wish I knew how to respond in these situations.

The other day I was at the library. DD (age 3) decided to take a ride across the floor on one of those stool with wheels. I told her to get off, and a guy passing by said, "Ah, come on. No need to be uptight. Let her have some fun." He was serious.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I would have been annoyed, too. Why would anyone even need a hat for a couple minutes - if that - in the sun?

Of all the things to say to a mother juggling kids to get from the car to inside a building, how weird that she chose that.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Gah, I know what you mean. It isnt just you. lol

Recently ( like last year) my sons and I were taking a walk and it was about 70 degrees out, and we passed by a bus stop with older folks sitting at it, wearing gloves and ear muffs and all that. We were walking at a good pace and feeling warm, and had our sleeves half rolled up. One woman looks at me and goes " They should be wearing a hat and gloves"







I kinda chuckled and said " I'm sure they'll tell me if they're cold."









It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.

But if it were me seeing you and your babes trying to get in the door, I just would have said " Can I help you get the stroller inside?"


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl79* 
It will never end, you just have to laugh eventually.

So true.

I have a child who is always hot. Always. I'm always cold. I'll be bundled up, he's in a tshirt. I get comments. I ignore them.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

I HATE "helpful" strangers.

I had someone tell me, after meeting my then 6 month old for 5mins, "It's time for shoes" in a very serious tone. Uhm, he had just learned to support his own weight without much assistance. It's not like he was running around outside all the time. I just smiled, nodded, and passed the bean dip.

FTR, he's 15mo and still no shoes!


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

ugh! that is so annoying! It is so frustrating when people do that when you have a baby instead of just being kind. I have had similar things happen and it is very frustrating!


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

I had someone once that had their kid yell at me out the window while they drove by us that I should "put some shoes on that kid".... It was a warm fall evening and we had been inside and were walking approx. 15 feet from the door to the car.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I guess it makes some meddlers feel good to know they've done their interfering deed for the day. If they don't tell at least one mom to put a hat or shoes or socks on her baby, maybe they get constipated.









But, y'know, it takes a village...too bad some folks think calling out the comments is what makes them good citizens, and they don't bother to offer any real practical help.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tway* 

Unless she were trying to fasten a diaper to her baby's head or something, I would never, ever dare tell another mother what to do with her child.

That would solve the hat issue.


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## VillageMom6 (Dec 2, 2008)

Try this next time (and unfortunately there might be a next time)...

Busybody: "No hat?"

You: "No tact?"


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## mommaklo (Jul 15, 2010)

I feel EVERYBODY on this. Never thought it would bug me but little comments from people REALLY get to me sometimes. I had a lady in front of me at a store tell me my ds must have a tummyache because he had started to fuss a bit. I cant begin to tell you how many times that has been a suggestion from people, mostly strangers. Drives me crazy. My MIL would tell me every time I saw her for the first 3 mos of ds life to "just put a little bit of rice cereal in his bottle" to make him sleep. News flash, have you ever seen me give my child a bottle? Perhaps you are confused as to whats going on behind my hooter hider? I would never give cereal to him just to get sleep, especially when she was giving the advice at 6 weeks old.......So I have ranted too. The only thing new moms need is respect. And yea, a smile is nice too.


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## zmom2010 (Jul 15, 2010)

I have a problem with my parents and my in-laws giving me opposite "advise". When I was giving my son his first bath, my father yelled at me for making my son's bath so hot it was going to burn him, and not two minutes later my father-in-law came in and said my son was going to freeze b/c the water was so cold. As for my son, he slept through the whole thing and didn't seem the bit bothered afterwards either!


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shera971* 
I felt like saying "Yeah no f***** hat, what its to you?"

If you had said that, maybe she'd be too scared to mouth off to someone else.









More helpful would've been "Yeah, no hat, HELP ME GET HIM OUT OF THE SUN!!!!!!11!!!! OH NoES!!!!"


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhiOrion* 
That would solve the hat issue.

















I used a flat as a hat a few times. For dd too.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I'm a dad... So everything I do/don't do when it comes to my children is perceived as a sign of my incapability when it comes to kids. Hat, not hat, shoes, no shoes... I could dress my baby exactly the same as the other persons and I would get a comment for something I've done wrong...

So yeah, I feel your pain!

I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.









There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

DH once said, "yeah, but I'm the parent, and you're not" to an older lady. It shocked her so badly I think she may think about it in the future.


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## mum4vr (Jan 31, 2007)

No hat! LOL. Not the end of the world-- or sufficient cause to park her nose in your business.

When DD was 1-2, she had a terrible habit of removing her socks and shoes anytime anywhere. THEN she learned this cool trick about pitching them out the car window as we were driving! After losing yet one more pair of socks and shoes on the way to the store, we were IN the shoe dept, picking out new (cheap since they were unlikely to last long, LOL!) shoes for her, so she could get out of the basket and walk (of course a child who throws shoes out the car window *would* LOVE to walk around everywhere)... and a lady came by muttering loudly "to herself" over and over as if she was in shocked disbelief, "No shoes on that baby; no shoes on that baby!"


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mummyofan* 
Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.

I would have said "Yeah, me too!" as well. You were the one with her two little ones snuggled close, even if one was whining a little.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.









There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.

My Dh did bonk DS's head on the bassinet when he was born, and he was already a Dad. LOL.

No IME, people have given me waaaaaayyyyy more crap than Dh in his parenting. I've been berated by an evil elderly couple who thought my then 19 m/o was in their words"mentally ill" because she screeched in the store checkout line, they had the gall to stop me in front of the store and say the most wretched crap to me. I guess maybe they wouldn't have said it to a man because they would have thought he had an excuse for being inept, but for me they told me I was a "terrible mother" and "what the hell was I doing with a kid?"







They didn't like when I got pi$$ed and told them to go screw themselves.

That was by far the worst nosey-busybody crap I've ever had to deal with.


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

OP here. I guess I'm not the only one! LOL Usially those comments just roll off my back but yesterday really bugged me. Its really too bad that there are so many similar stories but at least I'm not the only "unfit mom" out there!


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I'm pretty sure I only put a hat on my baby until he was big enough to take it off! What is with these people and hats?


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## Ashley_R (Jan 8, 2010)

When dd was like maybe a month old we took her to a fish fry at our church; when an elderly said "O what cute little boy, whats his name" I politely informed her she was girl and what her name was. Her response; "You need to have her in a dress than!" It was below freezing out with a windchill around zero, why on earth would I put her in a dress in that weather?
(and her outfit wasn't boyish, it had ruffles on it) Some people are just opinionated and feel the need to share them, unfortunately


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

I got that ALL.THE. TIME. seriously, like a couple times a day, when my kids were babies/toddlers. Particularly the hat/shoes and sunblock thing, we lived in a tropical climate and the touristy types, mainly women, just WOULDN'T GIVE IT A REST!

It was

"Where's your hat? I hope Mommy has a hat for you!"

or

"No shoes! Where are their shoes?"

To which I always answered - "Why don't you bend over and I'll show ya!"

Rude, I know but effective.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

I actually had someone reach out and pull the vizor down on the infant carrier telling me she should be wearing a hat. It was a short walk and she was faced away from the sun. and it wasn't that cold. I couldn't believe she TOUCHED my stuff.


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## Catherine12 (May 15, 2006)

I remember one time I was picking up food we had ordered through a winter csa - the pickup location was at a church, and for some reason I had thought I would just be able to pull up next to the door, grab my stuff, and drive off without actually needing to unload the kids (in retrospect, this was dumb of me).

Instead, I had to get out and walk all the way around the church to the door on the other side. It was the middle of the winter, cold and snowy, but since I hadn't expected to get out of the car no one had coats - not me, not my kids, then 4, 2 and a newborn. At least the newborn was warm in her sling.

Anyhow, kids were not happy about walking around in the cold. I couldn't carry the older ones once we had picked up the csa order - my arms were totally full. So there I am, urging a 4 and 2yo to keep walking, keep walking, back to the car, when a man walks by and says, "no coat?"








I don't think it would have got to me if I hadn't already been so frustrated by the situation, and feeling guilty about forgetting the coats. And yeah, it would have been nice if instead he had offered to carry my bags so that we could get out of the cold quicker...


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## moxygirl (Jun 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tway* 
It's hard enough being a mother without people telling you what they think you're doing wrong.

THIIIISSSS!!!!









I mostly get hat/mits/shoes comments from my mom, who thinks that every time you step foot outside the baby is going to suffer some horrible fate if unhatted/unshod/etc. I don't mind so much with her cuz I love her but I tell her "I don't do it your way" and she shuts up.









I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...)


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## mommaklo (Jul 15, 2010)

_"I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...) "_

my ds was this way for at least his first 2 months....do you know how many people said "what, did you think it was going to be easy?" There is so much of a difference between a newborn and a high needs newborn.


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

Just last week, I was visiting my brother in Chicago. We were standing on a corner in downtown waiting to meet up with bro's DP. DS (2 yo) was strapped into his stroller and we were just chatting in the shade. This lady walks by us and points at DS and says, "That's dangerous." I was really confused. What standing here talking to my brother with my 2 yo son in a stroller is dangerous. The lady said it again and indicated that DS was sucking on his fingers (like he always does). She said, "that's dangerous, you'll never get them to stop." I actually made a motion with my hand like I was shoo-ing her away. Seriously? Sucking his fingers? Dangerous?
I was more in disbelief than I was annoyed by it, though.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

you know i had to change my way of looking at life or else i would have gone crazy with everything happening in your life. somehow it seems they do it when they see little kids. slightly grown up 5 or 6 year olds - not so much.

i had the same thing happen to dd. point is dd would NEVER keep a hat, clip, hair band, bow or anything apart from hair on her head.

soooooooo..... i smiled v. sweetly at the lady, felt compassion for her truly inside and told her awww how sweet. thank you so much for caring. but dd doesnt tolerate anything on her head.

ah her expression was classic. she beamed from cheek to cheek and appeared shocked coz she truly had been rude . u know the smile that doesnt reach the eyes. she wasnt quite sure how to respond.

i have done that for dirty looks and i have always enjoyed the reaction. huh?


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.

In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get.









Oh my goodness!!! That applies to everything! DH can get away with being messy, forgetting his mom's birthday, forgetting DD's hat, wearing mismatched socks, you name it. But then it feels like *I'm* being blamed for it. AH! MEN!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
you know i had to change my way of looking at life or else i would have gone crazy with everything happening in your life. somehow it seems they do it when they see little kids. slightly grown up 5 or 6 year olds - not so much.

i had the same thing happen to dd. point is dd would NEVER keep a hat, clip, hair band, bow or anything apart from hair on her head.

soooooooo..... i smiled v. sweetly at the lady, felt compassion for her truly inside and told her awww how sweet. thank you so much for caring. but dd doesnt tolerate anything on her head.

ah her expression was classic. she beamed from cheek to cheek and appeared shocked coz she truly had been rude . u know the smile that doesnt reach the eyes. she wasnt quite sure how to respond.

i have done that for dirty looks and i have always enjoyed the reaction. huh?

LOL, I love smiling and waving at people who honk at me in traffic, y'know, pretending that I think they're saying hi when they're really saying they want me to exceed the speed limit like everyone else is. It's so FUN to assume that everyone has sweet intentions and then see their expressions!







Except I can't see their expresions while driving, I can just imagine.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.

















How true!! Maybe if we just mothered our husbands a little better, they wouldn't be this way.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 







How true!! Maybe if we just mothered our husbands a little better, they wouldn't be this way.
















Ha! I was absolutely dumbfounded when _my own mother_, a strong, independent, capable woman who taught me to be the same said to me after she did a load of laundry shortly after my DD was born, "You really need to get your husband some new underwear." Uh ... _what_?!? A grown man is suddenly incapable of going to the store and buying himself underwear if he feels that he needs new ones??? How insulting to _both_ of us!! It is astounding how deeply those ridiculous notions are ingrained.

Anyway, back on-topic, I had someone snidely say, "That baby needs to be covered up!" when I walked past her with my (warmly dressed, hat-wearing) baby wrapped in a blanket that was folded down because he was sweating. I mean, I had all the "right" stuff, and I was STILL judged! And I had almost left the blanket in the car because he was so warm, and only grabbed it at the last second to stave off ridiculous comments like that.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.









Actually the looks aren't so much "aw, isn't that sweet" as they are "poor kid, daddy had to dress him today".


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## VroomieMama (Oct 9, 2008)

I'm so glad to be deaf b/c I don't get to realize these unsolicited advices from people and then be annoyed.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I've gotten suggestions to buy the jars because then the older two would not try to feed the baby stuff. (really? Or I could just teach them what he can/can't have...)

it's been awhile since I've gotten anything truly stupid...I guess people see 3 kids and a belly and figure I'm beyond help??







cause I'll assure you my kids aren't always dressed perfect.
(Another one who doesn't do shoes till later, doesn't make them overdress for weather etc)


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

When DD1 was a couple weeks old I dressed her in an outfit my SIL had given me. It was a blue jacket and pants (my SIL saved up money to get this outfit insisting I was having a boy and was heartbroken because her "perfect" outfit wouldn't be worn so I had to have the baby wear it at least a couple of times) so I put this very ruffle-y flowery onesie on her and wrapped her in a pink blanket. Well I was at the store with her for the first time alone since her birth and this lady stopped me to comment on my "little boy" when I mentioned it was a girl she was shocked "Oh you can't dress her in blue!! Shes going to end up confused on her gender when she grows up and think shes a boy if you dress her in blue" I was like







Ok, strange one.

Ive also gotten the no hat comment, no shoes comment, geez your hands are full as the person closes the door in my face comment, you are doing this wrong, you are doing that wrong.. etc etc. Although I loved this conversation I had with a checker once "Oh looks like you forgot the formula, baby food and diapers, do you need to go grab any?" "Umm no, I don't use that stuff." "Oh but what does the baby eat and how do you keep the poop from going all over the place." "I breastfeed and use cloth diapers" "Is that legal? That sounds like abuse!"














That was funny, I actually laughed at her and told her that its totally legal and not abusive. Since my DD is allergic to disposible it would be worse to use them on her.. Her face was priceless as I was paying though, she thought I was starving my baby and leaving her in her own body waste.


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## litanyagainstfear (Aug 31, 2009)

Aside from the seasonal shoes/hat/coat comments, I used to get a ton of: "Oh, what a pretty girl," comments. My son grew hair, lots of golden curly lovely hair, at a very young age, had long thick eyelashes and big blue eyes (all apparently attributes of female children, pft) and while we trim it now and then, we keep his hair generally longish. No matter what he was wearing (though I guess we don't always dress him in insistently "boy" colors/themes), people would tell us how pretty our daughter was. It was happening so often that I would occasionally just agree that "she" was adorable. Otherwise I would just respond, "Well, "she's" a boy, but he is awfully pretty, thank you!"

And my poor DH gets TONS of comments when he's out and about. On a side note, we don't wear wedding bands, and he's actually gotten hit on a bunch when he's running errands/going for a walk with DS, which I think is pretty hilarious. The worst, however, was when he was letting DS help push the cart in the grocery store. DS accidently bumped against an older woman's cart. She peered down at DS and asked very snidely, "Where's your mama today?" Blah. She managed to criticize both of us, and I wasn't even there!


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

I have gotten lots of rude comments/dirty looks. The worst being "maybe if you didn't dress like that this wouldn't have happened"(as she looked at me DD). I was 23 when DD1 was born-happily married and she was PLANNED. I was wearing shorts and a tank top as it was 85+ degrees. Oh, I was also with my husband too.

As for the incompetent husband myth we get that alot too. My husband was raised with the "this is men work, this is women work" mentality. I love my MIL but this is the one area we disagree. She never taught DH how to do any housework. I remember a car ride that left me speechless. My gma-il was upset that my gpa-il did not want to pick up a wedding card. My MIL stated that he should not have to-only women can pick out a good card. The kicker? gma-il was undergoing chemo. I was so shocked that someone would expect someone that sick to go to the store for a card tat I was unable to respond.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

When ds was an infant, dh's 70 year old coworker looked at him and cooed "Tell your Mommy to put socks on your feet."









It was approximately 75 degrees outside.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hoopin' Mama* 
When ds was an infant, dh's 70 year old coworker looked at him and cooed "Tell your Mommy to put socks on your feet."









It was approximately 75 degrees outside.

What grills on me is the passive-aggressive tactic of talking to a parent _through_ the baby. An equally irritating way to say this: "Mom/Dad, I'm cold! Put some socks on me."









They must know on some level that it's condescending and offensive, otherwise they'd be direct with the parent: "Hey, I'm concerned about your baby. Maybe you should put some socks on her."


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## Chryseis (Jul 28, 2006)

The snide comments in public are so frustrating. It'd be a lot easier to take if they actually came with an offer of help or assistance, but they never do. I've definitely had my fair share. Here are my two favorites.

The first one was when my oldest daughter was about 9 months old. It was a gorgeous fall day, about 65 degrees, which felt fantastic as the previous days had been pretty chilly. I had to drop by the post office to send a package. By the time we got there my daughter had her little socks off, but no biggie, it was warm enough, and she was a warm baby anyhow. We got stuck waiting in line behind two heavily perfumed older women for quite some time as it was crazy busy. They spent the first few minutes looking back at my daughter, then looking at each other, raising eyebrows, etc. After about 5 minutes they started talking to each other about how "that poor baby" was probably freezing and how "that poor baby" was going to be so sick. I just ignored it. Then my daughter sneezed. They both whipped around and stared at me. Finally one of them said to me, "see, if she were wearing socks she wouldn't be sick like that!" I calmly responded that no, she's not sneezing because she's sick, but because the strong perfume was bothering her. And that if she were to get sick it would be because she had been licking the floor at the mall play area a bit earlier, and not because she lacked socks. All the people surrounding us in line laughed and the two women faced forward and never made another comment.

The other time was on a bitterly cold January day. The kids and I escaped to the mall for a while. After playing in the play area I never bothered to put my son's shoes and socks back on as he was prone to throwing them at random passersby. While walking out of a store and into a food court (all inside) an older woman pointed at my barefoot son riding in his (coat-laden) stroller and loudly proclaimed that somebody needed to call CPS on me because no children should be out in this weather without a coat, let alone shoes and socks. I'm not an expert or anything, but I really don't think there have been too many cases of frostbite in our local mall's food court.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moxygirl* 

I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...)

Oh, my DS was this way too. IS this way, at 3yo, actually.









My mom has this story that she always tells of taking my sister (same temperament) to the doctor to figure out what was wrong. The doctor said, as non-challant as can be "Babies cry" with a







.

That UAV didn't give my mom any help, and my mom decided to wean my sister to formula because she thought her milk was making her stomach hurt.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Turquesa* 
What grills on me is the passive-aggressive tactic of talking to a parent _through_ the baby. An equally irritating way to say this: "Mom/Dad, I'm cold! Put some socks on me."









They must know on some level that it's condescending and offensive, otherwise they'd be direct with the parent: "Hey, I'm concerned about your baby. Maybe you should put some socks on her."

If I was awful, I would answer in kind "Hey strange lady, I have a competent mommy who wants busybodies to mind their own business!"

But in reality, I would probably say, "That's passive aggressive and rude. Please don't make comments like that to me."


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## dakotablue (Jun 21, 2009)

Yeah, most people are nice. I get a lot of "Where are his socks?" and what I also kinda hate the congratulations! You put a hat on your baby. Usually, "Oh what a great hat Mom." Its equally condescending. Yes, I put a hat on my son just because I knew it was your opinion random stranger. Thanks for being proud of me.

Favorite incident. "He'll never learn to walk if you keep carrying him everywhere." We babywear and DS was not even 6 months yet. I responded, "Oh that's the idea."









I've gotten many comments on babywearing, most were positive but as he's getting older I'm getting a lot of you can't do that forever. But my Librarian thinks its great and tells people about my happy baby!


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"


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## mamaoftwopeas (Jul 15, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shera971* 
OP here. I guess I'm not the only one! LOL Usially those comments just roll off my back but yesterday really bugged me. Its really too bad that there are so many similar stories but at least I'm not the only "unfit mom" out there!









you're stronger than me, lol, at 6wks pp, I probably would have burst into tears at that point..... you know, those pesky hormones....








ETA: and oh, yes, I love the what a cute little girl my long haired little boy is... I've gotten to the point of just saying thanks... lol


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## New_Natural_Mom (Dec 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"









I *love* this.


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
"Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?"











That just made my day!


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## SpaceAngel401 (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
" That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"

This is one of the funniest things I have read/heard in a while!!


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Sorry to stray off topic, but it is related....When Ds#2 was about 6 months old, I took him and DS#1 to a BBQ joint. The crazy owner comes up to me and starts cooing at the baby, and I smile..... and she goes " In my day, women used to stay home with their babies. Whats it's name?" I said " Well, this right here is Emmett, and big brother Eli." She goes ( to my amazement) 
"They have different names?"

I kinda stammered " They are separate people? " before i hightailed it outta there.







That was many years ago! LMAO! ( I still avoid that place, even though they have great food! lol!) What a weird interaction.....


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Oh yes, the comments! One time my dh called me and woke me up from a nap and told me to go check out the river down the street cause it was flooding like crazy. So I was half out of it when I picked my bald little almost 1 year old up and put him in the wrap and walked down the street to the river. It was a windy/chilly day. But not really the end of the world that he didn't have a hat on. I realized halfway there that I should have put one on, but we were only going to be gone a short time, and I could cover his head with the wrap, so no biggie. Anyways, someone rushes up to me when we get there and says "OH my God, you don't have a hat for him?". And then she reached out to touch his head. I was kinda cranky and I said "No. And don't touch him either." And yanked him out of her way. She thought I was nuts.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

My comments usually came from grandparents....When leaving his Bubby's house I would throw a jacket on him and not bother zipping it as we were running to the car in the driveway and I was taking it off him in there. Well every.single.time she had to tell him that he had to have his jacket done up (while zipping up to practically his eyeballs) and mitties on and hat....no freezing allowed







Not to mention that DS is always an oven....I am quite happy he snuggles so close in the winter








My mom tried the same thing and I told her not to bother...she eventually got it.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"

Last year we went on a long (8-9 hr) road trip with DH's family. There were like 3 cars full of us. Both I and DH's cousin had babies around the same age, her was on formula and she had a little cooler for the car trip. DH's aunt asked my DH "Where are you storing the baby's food?" DH looked at her and said "In her body, where else?"







I guess she momentarily forgot we BF.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Why do strangers worry so much about babies being warm? I worry waaaay more about babies getting over heated.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *scottishmommy* 
I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". *Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yoursel*f"


I just laughed so hard at this I spit water out of my mouth. This is so funny. He was doing a lot of non security related questions, huh?

This past winter on like a 20 degree day in New York, I took DD with me to run some errands. Two passengers on the subway scolded me for bringing that "poor baby out in the cold."

I also have an upstairs neighbor who continually reminds me that we need to purchase DD shoes. She has plenty but when she's in a stroller and not walking on the ground she doesn't want her shoes on. If were being pushed in a stroller I wouldn't want them on either.


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## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

i have had two separate people scold me for having my baby out on the metro (in spring and summer!)...

one guy stopped me and very seriously told me that the air was bad for her lungs and regaled me with a story about a mom he saw pushing her baby in a stroller on a sidewalk with *gasp* a bus going by and how bad he felt for the poor little thing.

and then a few weeks later, a lady stopped me and after the usual pleasantries, she puts on a serious face and says, "you're not going to like this, but..." I said, "oh, i bet" and she said "i know it's hard, but you really shouldn't take her out in the subway when she's this young. there are dangerous vibes down here, this deep underground and it isn't healthy for her to be around this much negative energy." HAHAH! i gently said, "well, she has to get used to it sooner or later," and walked away.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I think the "best" (worst?) I ever got was when I was feeding my 8 month old godson a bottle at the zoo and someone came up and said "You know, you really should be breastfeeding that baby -- formula is poison." I was so stunned, I think I actually got out "I know". I mean, really, it wasn't my baby and even if it were, did she think I could change at that age? The really funny thing is that if she had come by 5 minutes earlier, she would have seen me BF my 2 YO, and I"m sure she would have been equally snarky about that!


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

I just remembered another one that annoys me--from strangers and acquaintances alike. Whenever someone (usually a woman) asks me when I'm headed back to work, and I tell them I'm not sure if I'll go back cause DD is my new full-time job, they inevitably reply, "Oh, all women say that. Then you get used to it."

Erm... maybe I don't want to get used to it.

Staying home isn't for everyone, and some families just can't afford to, but you'd think at least _one_ woman out there would say "oh, I hear ya".


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