# Have you ever had a CPS visit?



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I'm getting the feeling from other threads that maybe it's common to get a visit at some point in your kids' lives. And that's freaking me out.

Have you ever had someone from CPS visit you? Just to get an idea of how often this happens to people.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I say "no"... But, I have had daycare kids who's families were being investigated, and they come to my daycare to talk to me about what I have seen or experienced.

None of those kids were removed from their home. They just had a file somewhere with their names on them, and the case was dropped.

One of them though.. one of the teenage twin brothers was locked in his attic for the day in May (in 100+ temps) he kicked his way through the ceiling and out of the garage door. Even those kids weren't removed.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My parents were investigated several times when I was a kid in the 70s, but we were never removed. Of course the house was always clean - partially because we were only allowed to have two toys each. It's easy to keep the house clean if you don't let your kids in the house during the day and don't let your kids have toys. But that doesn't make someone a good parent.

Things did improve as we got older and it's possible that was due to CPS.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

the first time was when i left my UAV XH. he hit me while i was holding DS. he was 6 months old. it was founded against me as well even though i left.

the second time was when DS was 3. i was a bad mother at the time. my house was filthy and I was more concerned with smoking pot than cleaning the cat poop up off the floor. i was 21 yrs old. they took him to foster care. i got him back 2 months later after starightening my self out.

the third time was when i was livivng with my x-fiancee. his S's mom was founded b/c she had meth ingredients under his crib. we got custody. i was the main caregiver. bmom tried to accuse me of overdosing the baby on tylenol. they came out to investigate a burn he had though. i gave him a chicken nugget that had been sitting and cooling for a couple of minutes but the oil in it was still hot and it caused a blister on his hand. he didnt even cry. i treated it and bandaged it. the SW agreed i did a nice job of treating it and the bmom was talked to. DS was 8yo, i was 27.

the fourth time was after i broke up with X-fiancee. i was 28, DS was 9. DS got a bruise on his arm when he was running on the stairs (the rail was a little rickety). the school thought i had grabbed him. they came over and checked him out then left and said everything was ok.

now i am going on 33 and the visit me once or twice a month. DSDs bmom has an active case for neglect and they have to check on them. they have no problem giving DH and I the kids even though i have so many visits on my record. they have judged me by my present rather than my past. i find that to be unusual with SW's. they know i co-sleep, was bfing etc. they think my house is wonderful. i think the big thing they like is that i have accepted my part in the founded reports i have and have changed my ways. i am not in denial over what happened.


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## mjg013 (Jul 29, 2008)

No, but I thought I might once. When my oldest 2 were in elementary school and my 3rd oldest was in preschool they all got out of school at the same time. They were 4, 6, and 9. I would run down the road to pick up my 4 year old and then rush back home to be there when my 6 and 9 year olds got off the bus. The bus stop was just down the street and they walked home with a group of other kids every day. Well, one day when I went to get my 4 year old my car broke down. I called all my neighbors and NONE of them were home. So the bus got there about 30 mins before I did. My 9 year old knew to go inside and lock all the doors, but the next day my 6 year old went to school and told her teacher that I left them home alone ALL the time. When they came home my oldest told me that the principal had called them up to the office and asked them a bunch of questions like do they stay at home alone a lot and do their parents just leave them there unsupervised all afternoon. I kept expecting a visit but I talked to my friend who is a SW and she said that even if I did leave them home alone every day for an hour or two that that's perfectly legal for kids their ages and that no one would file a complaint based on something like that unless there were signs of neglect in other areas. Needless to say I had a long talk with my 6 year old about exaggeration.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

forget it


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## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I voted other. They came a couple times when I was a kid. Nothing ever came of it though. As a foster parent, DHHS made regular visits to the home- but that's different.


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## mama2peyton (Oct 9, 2008)

hi


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## ashleyhaugh (Jun 23, 2005)

indrectly yes- my dh was in basic training, and i had our nephews (his older brothers son and step-ish son- they werent married, and BIL had taken off to get his act together at that point) who were 2 and 4, because SIL cant keep her act together.

we had just woken up and were lounging around watching tv and there was a knock on the door and there was a social worker there. they said that SIL was on drugs-true, that the was wh0ring herself out-true, she had stable place to live and was bouncing the kids from sleazy motel to sleazy motel (at that point she was staying at a motel that was a known hooker place)- which was true to a point, she was moving around, but thats why the kids were with me

the only untrue part is the people who called (and yes i know who they were- more on them later) said my apartment was a crackhouse! the SW didnt even address that though. she talked to damion (the older one) alone, gave me her card, and that was it. and my house was BEYOND messy too

i went to the meeting with her, because she said if they didnt let her take the kids home she wanted me to take them. they basically said, unfounded or not, this was her last strike, and if there was another call she was losing her kids. i guess older DN had a broken arm that caused an investigation when he was a baby (i met him just before he turned one, and it was before that) and she got busted for smoking pot (i guess considering SIL, we're lucky it was just pot) while she was pregnant for younger DN.

nothing ended up happening that time. that was the summer. the army moved us to germany in october. she lost the kids again. when we went and visited in july after dh got home from iraq, they were living with her sister, who was doing the best she could, but she had 4 of her own kids in a 1br apartment. she was talking about them being moved. my sister went home after that day and talked to her husband about taking the kids, but when they got back to SIL, she said oh, too late, theyre staying with K&M (baby snatchers, pretty much, and the ones who called CPS on her and me).

at that time, BIL had gotten his act together, got married, and joined the army. he was in iraq the same time dh was the second time, when we got word she was giving the kids up for adoption via the baby snatchers







his name wasnt on the babys BC because she was married to older DNs dad who was in prison when he was born. he did what he could from iraq, with his wife having a POA, but they ran out of money for their lawyer, and the baby snatchers had a shady lawyer. nobody even wanted to accept DNA proof that younger DN was BILs kid. unfortunatly, he had no claim to older DN. that was in 2005 i think, and nobody has heard from her since








we dont know what happened with the kids, or where they are or anything

*** i call them baby snatchers because i think thats what theyre about. theyre affiliated with a hige church in houston, and run a "street church" for homeless kids. i personally think they sell babies. another friend of mine happened to be there one time, saw my nephews and talked to SIL, and met the baby snatchers. her ex was my sister and BILs roommate at the time. they somehow managed to get in the middle of their custody issues too, and showed up at my sisters apartment (how they found her i dont know, she wasnt listed, and the mama didnt know where she lived) after the son decided to stay with dad instead of goign home with his sister to mom. anyway, they showed up with mom and the cops, conviently when dad was gone, only my sis and the new GF were there with his son, so the cops took him since there was no legal guardian. then they tried to get cps involved, saying he was covered in bruises and prompting the little boy to say dad beat him

anyway, that was long and crazy it still upsets me. i miss my boys like crazy. she was an awful parent, and i preactically raised them. they were 4 and almost 6 the last time i saw them, and i cant wrap my mind around the fact that they will be 9 and 11 this year







( i dont know if the CPS report actually went on my record, i doubt it. ive had background checks to work at daycares, and i think i would know if it came up that i had cps called for running a crack house while my nephews were there, lol


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## Jottum (Apr 2, 2008)

Yes.

Initially, they came because my twins were not given formula when they were TWELVE MONTHS OLD. I BFed them and because their weight slowed at their 12 month check up and because I told the pedi that I had stopped formula once they started solids, she freaked. I told her that formula at 12 months was a weird idea. She told CPS that they had failure to thrive. We took them BACK to HER office, where they discovered that they did NOT have failure to thrive, they even wrote a letter saying that they no longer had it. However, CPS was all over us. Come to find out, not only did I not give them formula, but I *GASP* homeschooled and did not vaccinate!!! Oh, my poor kids!!!!!!!!!

They threatened me to send them to school. Saying that, "next time, you better watch out" (not in those exact words, but you get the drift).

Nightmare. The twins pediatrician negated the FTT diagnosis, but told CPS that she was worried because we did not do well baby checkups every month. She told us on the phone that that was the real reason why she called, because she felt that they were not being seen enough.

All because of a ridiculous call, we were now put on trial for everything else we did that was not "conventional".









Oh and add to it, we have a large family. They actually had the nerve to ask us why we keep having children. One lady at our, "meeting" even suggested that DH get a vasectomy. It was embarrassing.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

I have not, but when my dd was 3.5 and sexually assaulted we did use cps to investigate and visited them at the health department. They were very kind and helpful.


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## fairymom (Sep 15, 2008)

Yes. The 1st 2 times where when I was in an ugly custody case w/ex1 and they and his parents were playing dirty. Called in with the house was flithy 1st. SW came looked at the living room and said "yes it needs to be cleaned but nothing an few mins of picking up wouldn't help and you've got a newborn". I'd just had dd10 less than a month earlier it was right after breakfast so the oleders' plates were still out and it was a week after x-mas so all the new toys were out. But not unfit for habitation.

The 2nd visit was a month after the 1st.Same sw came out this time I had strangled the kids sopposedly! He talked to the kids at school, their teachers, dr and then us again found nothing to the file about.That was 10 yrs ago.

The last time was last fall.DD15 left the house (call it ran away if you'd like) while upset and we never called her in as a run away. She talked to the counslor at school who called CPS and told them we'd kicked her out. The sw talked to dd at her boyfriends (where she stayed that night) and dd told her no I left on my own. SW recommended counsoling for DD but didn't make it mandatory- dd refused. No case was opened.

Found the SW I've dealt with to be reasonable people but still don't like having anyone of authority(power) in my house- feel they have too much say in others life and most of that power is based on their own opinion.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

I've never had anyone call on me, but there were involved in the lives of two people I know. The first one was a neglectful parent due her developmental delays (her son was also delayed), but CPS didn't do much with her case despite multiple reports. In the second case, the removed the kids immediately due to the fact that one already had a history of TPR, and the other was a registered sex offender, but NOT a child molester (it was something that happened when he was really young-he did something to a girl as a teenager, and she pressed charges). However, despite these factors, they *were* good parents. I knew the guy personally and the details of his charge, and it was all pretty trumped up. However, CPS saw "sex offender" and their kids were gone. It was really a sad situation. The only reason the girl had a TPR on her record was that she carried her rapists' baby and decided that she wasn't comfortable raising the child and allowed her parents to adopt her. In her depression, she had used some drugs which is why CPS was called. By the time she had given birth the second time, she had cleaned up her act. I can understand CPS's concern about the situation, but I really think these people should have been given a chance to parent.


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## Lovinmum (Aug 22, 2008)

No, but I am kind of surprised. I am a total outcast with other mommies in my area.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

My parents were visited once when I was a child. We're pretty sure the call was in retaliation from a neighbor. After the neighbor was visited by CPS (and her daughter was sent to live with her father), every family on the block got a visit.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *celestialdreamer* 
Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.

Same here.


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## ProtoLawyer (Apr 16, 2007)

I haven't, but my ex did with his wife and SD, 8.

The girl was spotted on the school playground, in the snow, without proper winter gear. Now, she was sent to school WITH the proper winter gear, and had either not put it on for recess, or took it off during recess. Someone called CPS to report neglect. Why nobody bothered to ask the teacher where the winter gear was, I don't know.

Once the call is made, CPS needs to follow-up, no matter how absurd the allegation. So the social worker did a home visit, found a modest-but-safe apartment, ample food and proper clothing, and closed the file. (My ex called me and asked what he needed to do to prepare for a CPS visit--I said clean up but hospital corners aren't necessary, and make sure any booze is out of reach, any moving boxes--they had just moved--were either unpacked, stored in the basement, or stacked neatly away from exits and radiators-- and that there isn't a lot of beer in the fridge, though some is fine--this is WI.) The social worker was kind and understanding, so, overall, it was OK.


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## Beckamomof4 (Apr 15, 2007)

Yup 2 times, basically the same reason, different situation, both unfounded!! (and leading to another person getting investigated)

I had (all these people are past tense friends, if you want to call them that!) a friend S who was also my daughters godmother. She had 2 boys, at the time, ages 7 an 2 (mine were 3 and 1). The 7 yr old decided it would be a great idea to convince my 3 yr old to pull his pants down and let him stick things in his anus.

Well, I found out about this, and confronted SF. She then proceeded to blame my THREE yr old for something her SEVEN yr old did.

So I stupidly told my other friend J. J was also friends with someone who I did not get along with AT ALL! (the 4 of us worked in the same day care at one point) So after telling J, she proceeded to tell the other person. That person then called me and threatened me and my family (she used the fact that her husband was a sniper in the military to scare people often!). So I called the cops on her, stating she ha threatened us.

The NEXT DAY CPS was at my sons preschool. The report said "obvious sexual abuse in the home." So I proceeded to tell the whole story.

They let me go, and told me they would be investigating S, and that my case was closed.

The second time, was when my 3 yr old then turned around and did what the 7 yr old did to him almost right after, and before we had him in therapy for it. The doctor who checked the little boy out had called, which I assume had had to. The same CPS person came to my house, and made sure that we were getting him help. She was VERY nice, and I wish they were all like her

I can tell you though, almost 6 years later, and even though my family lives in another state, if I saw any of them today, since I have not talked to them since this happened, they would really get a piece of my mind!


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## Kappa (Oct 15, 2007)

No, I haven't had a visit but I don't want to re-establish contact with my mother, even though she is trying, because I feel that she will eventually call on me. My house is always messy (but not dirty) and I honestly don't know if I will be able to keep it without the clutter. The kitchen and bathrooms are clean, but clothes and junk all over the place. I take out trash every day, but my house isn't going to pass any white glove test, even if I were to figure out a way to get it "clean."


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## freestylemama (Apr 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *celestialdreamer* 
Nope. And I know a large amount of people who parent similarly to what is common on MDC...and none of them have ever had a visit either.

Agreed. I get that they make mistakes, but I really think they have better things to do than hound good parents who don't vaccinate or home school. I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.

We're very open with our doctors (as well as those at the ER) about not vaccinating and I've never been scared that CPS was going to come after us. That said, we're well educated, white, well employed and older, so we're probably not stereotyped the way other parents might be.


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

Nope.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Yes. I was in labour with a HBA3C, and someone reported me for homebirthing in an unhygienic environment. My friend, doula and midwife had been cleaning for me since the labour started (even before that for my friend) and the place was fine when they came by. (It had been borderline for a couple months, due to my fatigue level and ds2's incredible ability to wreak havoc.) No file was ever opened.

Unfortunately, that visit caused my labour to stall, and I really do feel it contributed to my son's eventual stillbirth (so did lots of other things, including my fear of hospitals - I'm not trying to put it all on CPS). It was a horrible experience.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *freestylemama* 
I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.

Of course they could. How does the fact that they could/should do more in some cases mean there's no reason to be afraid of them in other cases. Mistakes can go in either direction.

Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.


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## ~kitnkaboodle~ (Oct 21, 2008)

Yup I have. My story is kind of complicated. I went to them in alberta after I gave my oldest son up for adoption and I had PPD so I was looking for different resources that I could access through them because there are some things I couldn't access by myself. I was on Meds for the PPD so I started a service plan with them. Well my meds started not working and giving me suicidal and homicidal thoughts so I went off them so I could start a new med. But part of my service plan was to stay on my meds. I got someone to take my child while I switch had a doctor's note and everything and they took him because I went off my meds under doctor's supervision. They also said it was because I was a young single mom on one income and in a low income class so that made me high risk for neglecting and abusing my son. Well I ended up fighting for close to 2 years and was supposed to get him back in June of 08 but we found out in May that he had PDD-NOS so I decided to leave him with my parents because I was moving 3000 miles away to a province that doesn't have near enough resources for a child with that special need and I had just found out that I was pregnant with my youngest son and knew it wouldn't be fair to either of them

With my youngest the worker came to me straight from the hospital 3 days after my c-section telling me I may not be able to bring my baby home even though my house was immaculate and I had done nothing wrong during my pregnancy but all because of my file in edmonton, which was sent to New Brunswick after a gag order had been put on them. My son was put in foster care and I am getting him back on May 5th after him being in care for 6 months so my experience here has been way different.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

Yes, because somebody called and told CPS I and my husband were drug addicts (which we're not, we don't use drugs at all, I don't even drink alcohol). This was one and a half year ago. We have a good idea who called - there was a gang of bikers who had their club house right next to our house, we had complained about them to their landlord, and they were constantly harassing us.

The whole thing was very unpleasant at first, as when we first talked to them it sounded like they had already made up their mind that the anonymous report was true. But they changed their tone towards us completely after talking to our doctor, a couple of neighbours who called them after we told them what happened, and the police who also called them because we reported the fake report as harassment. The CPS still had to come to our house, though, since the things we were accused of were so serious that the procedure demanded it.

So two social workers turned up, I served them tea and buns and they sat in the living room and watched us for twenty minutes, then they wrote a very positive report about us and dropped the case.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ProtoLawyer* 
Once the call is made, CPS needs to follow-up, no matter how absurd the allegation.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.

I do know several folks online who have reported their countries and/or states/provinces follow up on all calls! I find this bizarre. In the two states where I have lived most recently, I was a mandatory reporter. In both states, many, many calls were screened out before investigation.

Sometimes the calls are screened out because the behavior being reported doesn't meet a definition of abuse or show a risk for abuse in the eyes of the screener (once, for example, dw called about a child in her classroom reporting that he was regularly beaten with a wire hanger...the call was screened out because dw didn't note any marks on the child's skin and it is legal to beat a child in any way in that state as long as marks don't stay longer than a half hour). Sometimes the calls are screened out for other reasons.

As a mandatory reporter, I've always been told to call no matter what and let the screeners do their job. The calls are on file whether or not they get investigated, but that file never shows up anywhere (on background checks or anything else) except if another call is made about the same family. Sometimes when multiple people have called about the same family over a period of some length of time, a case worker is sent out to investigate even if the calls would normally be screened out. Still, that's just an investigation.

It's interesting how differently things work between locations, and I have no idea how social service agencies that investigate every report do it...how they can keep up with the cost and human resources.


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## PhoenixMommaToTwo (Feb 22, 2006)

We had CPS visit us about a year ago. We were living in a decrepit old house that has since been condemned, BUT we were working on it and kept the areas that were under construction blocked off from the kids. Honestly, it was my IL's who called because they were pissed that we were keeping the kids from them







, makes sense, right? The SW was very helpful, came in, found a couple of stupid little things, came back the next day and closed the case. That was it. End of story.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Mind you, I think people who make frivolous (eg. revenge) calls to CPS should be liable to criminal prosecution. It makes me sick that a case worker's desk can be so piled with cases where an ex or family member is mad at a mom that they can't deal with cases where parents are beating or neglecting their kids.

Me too. I can't believe people actually do this. It's reprehensible.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
(once, for example, dw called about a child in her classroom reporting that he was regularly beaten with a wire hanger...the call was screened out because dw didn't note any marks on the child's skin and it is legal to beat a child in any way in that state as long as marks don't stay longer than a half hour).
















: Oh my God. Well, that's a whole other thread in itself! Unbelievable.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I'm not actually sure what the laws are on follow-up here. I know we never heard from them again. The woman said she'd come back on Friday (the initial visit was Wednesday), and she probably did. I was already at the hospital recovering from the c-section by that point. We left a note that we'd transferred. I assume they called the hospital to confirm I was there. That was the end of it on their end.

The thing is...even the screening means that CPS funds, staff and training are being tied up dealing with frivolous calls. Obviously, a mandated reporter is a different issue, and it sounds as though your dw, for example, gave all the info she had pertaining to the case. I'm no fan of CPS, but it's completely ridiculous that people get away with wasting the time of CPS staff, while their are children in horrific circumstances (the only ones that justify the existence of CPS in the first place, imo) slipping through the cracks. Many of those "cracks" are created by nonsense calls, imo.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

*No*. But I know way too many that have. All but one was a load of bollocks. The only one that needed help was because of black mold in her apt. It wasn't her fault but it got her the help she needed to get the landlord to fix the problem.
All the others were vindictive people calling cps on families to cause trouble.


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## macha10 (Jul 15, 2008)

I have been meaning to get this off my chest for along time. So I will post a brief response now, and perhaps a longer one when I have time (at work now!)

Yes, CPS was called on me. And they made a visit 4 days after my son's birth. The second day I was home. The hospital where I gave birth called because

a) they thought I was suicidal and I signed myself out AMA. I wasn't suicidal, but made some sort of comment when I was sleep deprived about hating life or something. I honestly don't remember what I said.

b) they knew I was going to co-sleep and they had a problem with this.

c) They said I signed my baby out AMA (which I didn't). I had contemplated doing this, but didn't. They wanted me to stay an extra day because I didn't have the GBS screening done, so they didn't know my status. I didn't have it done because I don't believe the test is accurate in terms of positive response one day and negative the next, and I didn't want to be forced to have antibiotics. So, I didn't realize they would make me stay. For g-d's sake, I know the signs to look for in an infant.

Anyway, this was 7 months ago, and I still get upset about it sometimes. The whole post-partum hospital stay and subsequent CPS visit tainted the wonderful natural birth I did have. CPS closed the case, but I am totally embarrassed that it happened, even though I did nothing wrong. It's my dirty little secret, that I have finally begun telling some people. It seriously upset me for a long time.


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## clicksab (Oct 15, 2006)

No, but I am afraid of it happening! I am blessed that no one called when we were technically homeless...I had a friend talk to us about her concerns, and after talking to us decided she was glad she didn't call! I think it was easy to look at our circumstances and think that my DD must have been deprived (we had no home, bounced from place to place and did sleep in our car one night, and were beyond poor). But at the time, EVERYTHING we could get went to the care of our DD. She always had clean clothes and diapers, good food (even if that meant we went a bit hungry), and was safe.

I'll breathe a sigh of relief when we move into our new apartment next month. I don't think the basement we live in currently would really fly with CPS...it sure doesn't pass my own standards.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

I haven't had one yet..

my mom's long term uav bf apparently threatened to call a few weeks ago though







: due to our cleanliness.. I will admit that our home is far from perfect but it is absolutely not a health hazard. I figure that a sink full of dishes, a 1x/wk mopped floor and random 'art' are pretty typical of a [poor] family of five, with three under nine..

Since then, the kitchen has been completely clean (most of the time), he has NOT been allowed through our front door (I'm running out of excuses though







) and my mom, due to her passive/aggressive relationship with him, has been nearly cut-off from contact.

If you can't tell, I really don't want to be forced into defending our choices since they would prolly have *a lot* of problems with *most* of the decisions we make.

We do our best to fly under the radar though..


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I'm not actually sure what the laws are on follow-up here. I know we never heard from them again. The woman said she'd come back on Friday (the initial visit was Wednesday), and she probably did. I was already at the hospital recovering from the c-section by that point. We left a note that we'd transferred. I assume they called the hospital to confirm I was there. That was the end of it on their end.

The thing is...even the screening means that CPS funds, staff and training are being tied up dealing with frivolous calls. Obviously, a mandated reporter is a different issue, and it sounds as though your dw, for example, gave all the info she had pertaining to the case. I'm no fan of CPS, but it's completely ridiculous that people get away with wasting the time of CPS staff, while their are children in horrific circumstances (the only ones that justify the existence of CPS in the first place, imo) slipping through the cracks. Many of those "cracks" are created by nonsense calls, imo.

I think that people who make obviously frivolous complaints should be billed for for the time they wasted. That alone would probably reduce the amount of referrals as well as fewer people using CPS as revenge, plus save CPS precious time and money.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angelpie545* 
I think that people who make obviously frivolous complaints should be billed for for the time they wasted. That alone would probably reduce the amount of referrals as well as fewer people using CPS as revenge, plus save CPS precious time and money.

Yeah - that's probably even better than laying charges, as charges would take up even _more_ time and money that could be put to better use elsewhere.

I think it takes an incredibly screwed-up and vindictive worldview to make an invalid call to CPS.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

I know two people that were investigated, both investigations were warranted in my opinion, but certainly not in theirs. Both times it involved parents that needed help, but would not take it from anyone. One family was living in a van, their kids were not eating well or bathing regularly. They had three kids, five months, two and three. The five month old was drinking formula that her mother was watering down so it could be stretched out. They were not bad people, just very young and very prideful. I understand pride and felt a lot of sympathy for them, but when it reaches the point where you can't feed your baby, pride becomes a luxury that is secondary to your child's health. They did not lose their kids. They were forced to accept help, or they would have lost their kids. That was four years ago and they still have not forgiven the relative (a grandparent) that turned them in and still insist that it was nobody's business.
The second case involved a dad that was spending all their family's money on cocaine and eventually had no food in the house, their electricity turned off, and two children that hadn't gone to school in weeks. They would accept help, but only in the form of cash, which no one was willing to give them. They didn't have their kids taken away either, though the father had to leave the home. Eventually the father got clean and reunited with the family. They eventually forgave the person that turned them in, but of course not CPS.
CPS has also visited them periodically after the father returned, including a visit after their third child was born. If that baby had gone home and the parents not cared for her properly, CPS would have been blamed for that. If there is a fairly recent history of severe problems, they should err on the side of caution.
I think that some people in CPS take their power and lord it over others, just as some cops do, some doctors do, as some teachers do, etc... I think that there is a lot of room for improvement within that system, but I also think that there are some heroic good-hearted people in that field and I know that these two families are better off for the intervention, though they would never admit it.
I have never been investigated and I hope that if that happens I get one of the decent case workers, it just seems to be the luck of the draw, unfortunately. My house is sometimes messy, my toddler is sometimes messy, it could happen. I also think that if someone files a frivolous or untruthful complaint, that the person should be dealt with _severely_. Held up to public scorn, jail time, you name it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daphneduck* 
Eventually the father got clean and reunited with the family. They eventually forgave the person that turned them in, but of course not CPS.
CPS has also visited them periodically after the father returned, including a visit after their third child was born. I

Why does CPS still visit them? Have there been further complaints, or is it because the dad used to do cocaine?


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## LeighB (Jan 17, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lovinmum* 
No, but I am kind of surprised. I am a total outcast with other mommies in my area.









Me too. I'm always waiting for my visit because of it. .







:


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

They are not currently visiting, but when they were visiting, it was because of the cocaine usage and all the other problems that created.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daphneduck* 
They are not currently visiting, but when they were visiting, it was because of the cocaine usage and all the other problems that created.

Was that before or after he got clean? I'm just wondering, because it sounded like it was after.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

You're right, it was after he got clean. I agree with what you're saying, to a degree. I think that cases must be taken on an individual basis. If I didn't know the people involved, I would probably think that it was overkill on the part of CPS, but I know them (the father is in my immediate family) and I was glad that they were checked. For one thing, the mother involved stayed with the father, in the home with the kids, even though they had no food or electricity. Even today, she defends that decision. He is pretty domineering in that relationship and if it came down to it, she would probably stay again and try to pretend as if everything was normal. The father has had a drug problem for 20 years, with many episodes of cleaning up then using again, though child services had not been involved before. They also tend to keep to themselves and the situation had gotten pretty bad before anyone realized what was going on. Not that people didn't try to see what was going on, based on suspicious behavior, they just would not let anyone know, and instructed their children to lie about the situation at home.
Do you feel that everyone should be treated as if a problem never existed in the past? I can see the logic behind that, but I don't feel that it would have been the logical thing to do in this particular situation, given the history and dynamics of this particular family.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daphneduck* 
You're right, it was after he got clean. I agree with what you're saying, to a degree. I think that cases must be taken on an individual basis. If I didn't know the people involved, I would probably think that it was overkill on the part of CPS, but I know them (the father is in my immediate family) and I was glad that they were checked. For one thing, the mother involved stayed with the father, in the home with the kids, even though they had no food or electricity. Even today, she defends that decision. He is pretty domineering in that relationship and if it came down to it, she would probably stay again and try to pretend as if everything was normal. The father has had a drug problem for 20 years, with many episodes of cleaning up then using again, though child services had not been involved before. They also tend to keep to themselves and the situation had gotten pretty bad before anyone realized what was going on. Not that people didn't try to see what was going on, based on suspicious behavior, they just would not let anyone know, and instructed their children to lie about the situation at home.
Do you feel that everyone should be treated as if a problem never existed in the past? I can see the logic behind that, but I don't feel that it would have been the logical thing to do in this particular situation, given the history and dynamics of this particular family.

It sounds like it was the right thing to do this time around. I'm not sure exactly what the policy should be. I just find the "risk of future neglect/abuse" type of thinking really terrifying.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I just don't see CPS as a benign organization, no matter how well-intentioned they are.


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## VocalMinority (Apr 8, 2009)

A notoriously unpleasant neighbor with a long history of calling authorities on everyone from other neighbors to the school bus driver was ticked with me because my dog got out. The next time my twin sons (then age 11) walked the dog, she made an "anonymous" report to CPS that they were being neglected because they're "autistic" and they were alone. (While they _are_ on the Autism spectrum, they're on the "normal" end and just suffer from some mild learning/developmental delays and difficulty interpreting social cues. I.e., they seem a little clumsy and nerdy, but extra-sweet. They're in regular school and they're perfectly capable of walking the dog together down to our cul-de-sac, which I can see from my front door!)

A CPS lady came to the house _unannounced_, but only to meet me and the twins and see where they were walking the dog. She didn't ask to come inside. She agreed right away that the complaint was unreasonable. NEVERTHELESS, since a file had been opened, the only options for closing it were:
1- Take my kids to the CPS office and let them be interviewed and examined for abuse - _without_ me or my attorney (my dad) present, or
2- Go through a court hearing on whether they should continue to live with me!!!!
WTF??? Over an anonymous call that even CPS agreed was inappropriate?

At my dad's urging, I took option #1 and everything went fine. But what if one of the kids happened to have had a bruise or cut that day, and the interviewer was some bleeding-heart type without kids of her own who didn't understand the realities that kids get cuts and bruises? Not to mention that the twins act super-goofy in unfamiliar situations and not everyone understands that aspect of the Autism spectrum. I was dependent on a complete stranger's reasonableness, to be allowed to take my children home with me from that meeting! All because some self-absorbed b*%$# decided calling CPS would be a good way to get back at me for my kids mistakenly leaving the door open and letting our dog out!

Government agencies should not lend themselves so easily to being tools of vengeful people. People over 18 should not be allowed to make anonymous complaints. If you're _genuinely_ concerned for a child's welfare, you should be adult enough to face the parent you're accusing, just as an accuser must face the accused, in court. Moreover, if an (already overworked!) caseworker feels strongly that there's nothing to a complaint - _after seeing the people with her own eyes_ - she should be allowed to close the case and that family should be under no further scrutiny and in no further jeopardy of separation.

One more thing: the requirement that a child be interviewed alone, by a stranger, necessarily implies a presumption that the child is safer with that stranger than with the parent - even before it's been proven the parent did anything wrong! The _opposite_ should be assumed! Oh, this makes me furious.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.


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## amynbebes (Aug 28, 2008)

I voted yes however it wasn't because of us. My 7 yr old, 10 months at the time, had been bitten several times on the face and ear by another child at his daycare. I took him to the er, police were called and cps was called in to investigate the daycare. They did a home visit with us, going to assume it was just policy. Maybe to make sure we didn't have any rabid biting babies at home that may have done it?







Anyway, at the time we lived in a teeny tiny house, 2 bedroom with 3 kids that wasn't pristine and there wasn't the slightest issue. I however won't get into the entire melodrama of what happened w/the daycare


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## luv_my_babes (Dec 8, 2008)

...


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

No, thankfully.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Nope. My neighbors just call the Super on us.


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## Jottum (Apr 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *freestylemama* 
Agreed. *I get that they make mistakes, but I really think they have better things to do than hound good parents who don't vaccinate or home school.* I've known some of some horrific cases of children being abused or neglected and not being removed from homes, so I have a tough time wrapping my head around all of the CPS fear. I get that they make mistakes, but I think that in a lot of cases they could do more than they do, if that makes sense.

We're very open with our doctors (as well as those at the ER) about not vaccinating and I've never been scared that CPS was going to come after us. *That said, we're well educated, white, well employed and older, so we're probably not stereotyped the way other parents might be*.

In our situation, the original, "allegation" was that our daughters had FTT due to me not giving them formula. That was why they came. Not the vaccinating and homeschooling alone. I figure that their thinking was, "Well, since we are here, we might as give them a hard time about everything else, 'off'."

Whatever the case, it was completely mean, rude, dishonest and wrong.

Both my husband and I have never been married to anyone else, have been together for 13 years (all of our children are ours), we are white, both of us are college educated and we live in a great neighborhood.

Honestly though, I sure hope that they don't look at those things, anyways. As if CPS weren't a nightmare to begin with, discrimination based on familial status, race, class, etc..... would just be the icing on top. I really do not think that these things have anything to do with your ability to provide a loving and healthy environment for your children.

What happened to our family was an experience I would not wish on any family, not even my worse enemy. In the past, I have called CPS due to concerns over a neighbor and at one point I was a mandated reported and had to call CPS about some siblings. After the experience we had, I will NEVER call them. Instead, I will try to reach out to the family and parents if I feel like their children are at serious risk.

I don't trust CPS. They use very poor judgement.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

No, and quite frankly, I know of many more cases where it took far, far too long to get CPS involved. There is so much gray in this area. I truly feel bad for parents that have had to deal with issues due to vengeful calls, however, I feel much worse for children who have been abused, neglected or even killed because nothing was done to help them!

The one person I know that had CPS called on them was leaving her children ages 4 and 7 alone at night while she went to work out. She turned on a movie, gave them the phone and locked the doors. She then LEFT for 1.5 or 2 hours to go to a workout class and maybe run an errand on the way home. She was totally baffled and felt that was perfectly safe, and no different then cleaning or doing something on a different level of the house (or outside). She also lived in a very unsafe neighborhood. Although neighborhood non-withstanding, I think it's a bad idea to leave your 4 and 7 year old alone for two hour periods, at least 3 days a week.


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

I've never been visited by CPS, but I did talk to them on the phone once. It was because of my parents, who wanted to get custody of my kids so they could brainwash and abuse them the same way they did me (well, the brainwashing part failed, but ykwim). I'm sure the allegations my parents made were horrific, but nothing ever came of it. I really can't explain the reasons why they never visited on a public forum. For better and for worse, being wealthy changes how everything works.


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## TwinsTwicePlusTwo (Dec 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jottum* 
Honestly though, I sure hope that they don't look at those things, anyways. As if CPS weren't a nightmare to begin with, *discrimination based on* familial status, race, *class,* etc..... would just be the icing on top. I really do not think that these things have anything to do with your ability to provide a loving and healthy environment for your children.

Oh, class makes all the difference in the world. At least, here it does. I'm not saying it should, but . . . it does.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *TwinsTwicePlusTwo* 
For better and for worse, being wealthy changes how everything works.

I am definitely not wealthy at the moment, but I grew up in a wealthy area and currently live in a very wealthy area and I agree with both of the above! CPS just isn't even on the radar for me. Which is probably a good thing, as my house is a pit right now: dirty dishes galore since the dishwasher broke and we're too lazy to keep on top of it.

When I was growing up, the sad thing is that everyone knew who was being abused: which fathers beat their wives and kids, which mothers were always high on something. It was literally dinner party conversation: "too bad X gave his son that black eye, he's such a nice man really." I don't think it ever occurred to anyone to call CPS in any of these cases: it was seen as some sort of unfortunate personality quirk. Thankfully I don't know any of these stories now, but it worries me that when my kids are older they might and they will, like I did, think that it's perfectly acceptable behavior and that CPS is only for poor people.

I have a very deep regret that I didn't call CPS over a child that I nannied many years ago. I remain convinced that there was something funny going on with an uncle, and another girl who also sometimes babysat for the child (if that's any indication of how often the parents were around) came to the same conclusion too. I was young, I was scared of losing my job, I was worried about calling in a complaint which was either false and would then ruin lives, or which was true and would probably just be whitewashed for this wealthy and connected family. None of these were good reasons, and I still worry about that boy even though he is grown now and I'm sure hasn't thought twice about me in years.

/off to go do some of those dishes before CPS shows up on my door. That thread DOES have me kind of scared. No way would my house pass muster. Our dining room table is currently where all the clean laundry is piled, as I do laundry while the kids are napping and I never want to bring it upstairs past DDs room and wake her up! And the dishes. Have I mentioned the very bad state the dishes are in?


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

In the late 70's my parents were investigated. My brother had broken his arm falling off our swingset at home. He had a cast for 6 weeks and 4 days after getting the cast off, I accidentally made him fall off the monkey bars and he broke the same arm again. The ER called CPS/DCFS and they did a home visit. Nothing ever came of it, thank goodness.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

yes a stupid neighbor called after my then 2 year old got "out" and ran to the end of our apartment complex in just some training pants that she'd wet. We were bringing in groceries and we'd accidently left the gate open... She never thought gee maybe I should help the child back home.. Nope she reported us as neglectful parents claimed she was allowed to play out in the street and always out unsupervised (totally a lie) and that she was special needs (how I figured out who called)..
When they came it was one lady she came I had no warning at all. She came in she didn't ask to see the hosue but the apartment was small enough she could see it all. At the time it was clean a few dishes out a few toys out ect nothing big. She discussed the incident asked to see DD who kept telling her mommy LOVE me and KEEPS me SAFE!







(like I'd coached her







).. She left saying she felt the call was not warented but the casue would have to remain open for a while. 6 months latter we got our letter saying nothing was found case closed..

Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

ohh yea we did have one other encounter and this wasn't as nice.. DD started havign serious nursing issues when my period returned at 5 weeks despite round the clock nursing and co sleeping.. She began to sleep ALL the time one thing led to another and she was a FTT baby. CPS "talked" umm harrassed us after she was admited. We were told it was just to make sure we were okay and to see if they could help...







It felt more like being asked why I was too stupid to help my child... Overall I've tried to frget that encounter..

Deanna


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Yes. When ds1 was about 10 months old & I was desperate to get him to get some sleep during the day, I tried CIO. Friday I tried Ferber's method for 1 hour in the middle of the day. Saturday, I tried The Baby Whisperer's 'pickup, put down' for about 45 minutes. Neither worked & ds was so upset, I decided I was never doing that again, no matter how desperately he needed to sleep.

On Monday, there were 2 social workers at my door. They said they were there because someone said we weren't feeding ds, but I'm sure it was because of the CIO. I know it was my neighbours who called. They were really nice to us, gave us stuff, including an entire kids bedroom set, we talked to them quite often before this & they never talked to us again after. Anyway, the sw didn't seem impressed with our disaster area, but I said we were moving (we were trying to arrange something & had been doing some packing but really, I'm just messy). I let one of them hold ds for a couple minutes, they wished us luck with our move & that was the end of things.

Still scares me that someone might call again, especially with the way ds2 loves to scream, since we're in an apartment now (were in a townhouse at the time).


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I voted "other" because I heard they had been called on us. One neighbour told another neighbour that a SW had been around asking questions about us. We had just pulled the kids out of school and quit all therapies for my eldest (ASD) ds. Plus, our former therapist had discussed our family at great length with her fiancee (who worked with a friend of mine) and he gossiped a great deal about our "community bed" (uh, that sounds a whole lot different than FAMILY bed), lack of furniture (we had just Freecycled most of our furniture to do some renos and were slow to replace it given how busy we were) as well as our unassisted birth. He and his coworkers apparently spent a great deal of time discussing us and what horrible parents we must be.

I was paranoid for months about when they would be by to visit us. We had a SW who visited us regularly because that is how funding for SN therapies is coordinated here and I knew how "has tantrums in overstimulating environments" frequently was written up as "extremely emotionally disturbed". I was very concerned at how an investigation would have played out. Even the most innocent things can sound neglectful or abusive if it is written up in the right way.

Anyway, turns out the family next to us seems to have been the ones investigated. The chatty neighbour ladies just didn't realize they ALSO had kids (because the kids aren't really allowed outside) so they just assumed it was us. I am guessing that if WE were the subject of the questions we would have heard from them eventually?

I do know of a couple of families who have had kids removed. In all cases it was warranted and the families eventually were reunited once the parents got their acts together. Drug use, suspected spousal abuse, and child abuse or neglect were involved in all cases.


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## Stephenie (Oct 11, 2007)

I haven't had them called, but I've heard stories from others. Hopefully, it is not something we will ever have to deal with.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
Nope. CPS is not something that even enters my mind as a parent. I never even thought twice about it until I started visiting this site and saw how many posts there are about it.

Same here


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

No, but we live in Europe, so I don't think the situation is the same here WRT social services. But then again DD is still little, so maybe I have a lot to learn.


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## muldey (May 8, 2002)

Yes,3 times.The first was because of my UC with ds.Long story,but he was taken for 2 weeks(kept in the hospital so I was able to see him 24/7),and by the time he was 5 months the case was closed.Right after that dd,3 at the time,fell in the tub and hit above her eye on the faucet.She ended up with a black eye,and since she was ok right after,we didn't take her to a dr,just called ours to let him know what happened.He recommended arnica cream and that was it.CPS came out,after dd's preschool called(they were very upset we didn't vax







:,they wanted dd out of the school).The caseworker closed the case right away.

The 3rd time was recently.I've been having a very hard time mentally,nothing that would ever hurt my kids,and I ended up in the hospital for about a week.Right away my cousin called,as retaliation for the calls I made on her(crackhead,kids were filthy,house was filthy,she had her special needs 10 yo watching her 1 and 2 yos so she could get high or sleep).She said exh(who was taking care of the kids,along with my parents)wasn't taking care of the kids and was suicidal.The caseworker came out,my house is always messy,he said nothing about that,talked to the kids,talked to exh,visited me in the hospital,and closed the case.That did not help my mental health at that point,I coudn't stop crying for 2 days.







I still want to scream when I think about it.

I hope I never see them again.It was one of the worst hells I've ever experienced(1st was ds's heart surgery,of course that was during the 1st CPS case







).


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.

Maybe I'm naieve - but I don't worry about CPS at all. I feel we are good parents that provide a loving, stable home. It's clean, there is lots of healthy organic food & I just don't worry about CPS.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I had CPS called on me by a relative's therapist- this relative was basically venting because she didn't understand unschooling, and after a few months, the therapist called CPS.

So, the CPS worker showed up, I showed her the most recent paperwork from the school district (required paperwork for HSing in NYS) and she wasn't concerned at all. She did need to come back a second time to actually see all the children in the house (DD1 wasn't at home when the SW first showed up) but it was merely a formality. It took about 2 months for the file to be officially closed, but there was never any risk of further CPS involvement. Just those 2 visits, for a total of maybe 15 minutes combined.

I also had CPS watching me for about a year after I left my abusive ex- primarily to make sure he didn't show back up in our lives and hurt the kids. She came over once a month to chat with us for about half an hour, and IMO she kept our case open as long as she did because she welcomed the break from "real cases" in her schedule.

I watched a friend go through a CPS nightmare when her 2nd was an infant, and my girls were about 6mo and 2. The baby's doctor called them into CPS for neglect, claiming she was underfeeding the baby, while failing to diagnose a medical condition that caused the FTT. The baby was taken to foster care for a month, and she was forced to wean as a condition of getting him back. So he was on this hypo-allergenic formula that smelled like vomit, and he wasn't diagnosed properly until she got CPS permission to visit her parents in another state and took the baby to another doctor there (as all the local doctors got the CPS records and failed to actually examine the baby properly.)

He's OK now, but his esophogus was damaged by the delay in medical treatment, and he ended up with a feeding tube for several years.

So while all of my own personal experiences with CPS were relatively benign (and in the case of the domestic violence I see the involvement as being appropriate), thanks to my friend's experience, I'd never, ever, call CPS lightly. Unless I think the abuse and/or neglect is so severe that the child would do better in foster care (if CPS can't fix the problems any other way), I won't make the call. It hasn't happened yet.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.

Ditto.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

yes, but under special circumstances.

it was my ex trying to start trouble.

so since he complained about me he had to be investigated too and then the case was closed immediately. i got a really, really nice worker and in a sense she and i became friends.

so even though i said yes, i really dont feel it was a legitimate CPS case.

at 3 we were still cosleeping, bfeeding and i never was questioned on that. they did a home review and were concerned with discipline and how the child looked in the home environment. the worker did speak to my dd alone without me there. i was ok with that . she was impressed with what she said. and she also said i was doing an awesome job which she was going to put in the report









however i did have a mainstream friend go thru a nightmare CPS experience with everything bad happening. after much court cases and a year or so she finally got her kids back. cps decided to go with her mothers side (friend was young with rambunctious boys and children from different fathers). however though my friend found nightmare CPS workers she also found some kind ones who supporter her and showed her the way to work the system. today she has healed her relationship with her mom too. and CPS is off her back. they tried imposing many, many things on her which she refused. one of the strongest was insisting she must have some mental illness becasue how can a single mother manage with 3 energetic rambunctious boys and a special needs tube fed dd. because the foster mom was getting oodles of cash for keeping her dd she tried telling lies and trying to keep the dd. fortunately one of the CPS workers who was an advocate for my friend stepped in and helped her.

so in a way the very system that took the children away was the same one who returned the children to her. in fact they even noted how friend's dd went thru radical improvement after she got home, willing to eat some food so partially getting off the tube AND completely getting off the oxygen.

my friends story is full of interesting pieces that would make a bestseller book and a good oprah show too.


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## ~savah~ (Aug 24, 2008)

I voted "other" because CPS was in my house last winter, but not for me. They brought DH's sister and her two children here, 22 months and NB, after she and her NB tested positive for methamphetamine and other drugs. The SW were really nice and stayed in the living room. They didn't even check to see where SIL and her children would be sleeping. They didn't check for baby proofing at all, DD was 11 months at the time. TBH I was kind of in shock about how nice they were to SIL. They just kept asking her if she needed anything and what else they could do to help. This is someone who had had many previous reports made on her to CPS, for doing drugs while pregnant and neglect of her 22 month old. One thing I learned from the experience, is that around here it is pretty hard to lose a child to CPS.


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## Lovemy3babies (Apr 23, 2007)

Yep. 2 times, short visits, lots of appologies, but I am still mad about it. I just cant help it. I was called on TWICE for the SAME thing. Not vaccinating, medical neglect to doctors. I think there is something wrong with the system when they HAVE to check and see how much food I have and where my kids sleep because I dont vaccinate. The two have nothing to do with each other. It was the scariest thing thinking of losing my kids. I felt sick and couldnt eat for days.


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

I voted other as my dh works at the Children's Aid Society (Canadian CPS), so we have had friends and acquaintances call him for advice when they have been reported.

He tells them the same thing always co-operate with the Social Worker, be respectful, as they are just doing their job. It is awful to have someone question their parenting, but it is a necessary hoop to jump through if we are going to live in a society that has to look out for abused children.
99% of the cases of these calls resulted in an immediate case closed.

Our neighbors called the police on us and I had to explain to the officer that I am watching my toddler when she is outside and that the neighbor had a grudge against me and the issue went no further. But because dh works where he works, he had to talk with his supervisor about the incident (effectively reported himself) because we were worried about what these neighbors would do/say next.

To me, the real issue is in how we relate to the people around us, family, neighbors...the use of the CPS and police is used like a weapon for many people instead of the social service it is supposed to provide.

Just for the record we don't vaccinate, co-sleep, delayed schooling (started to homeschool..) and I am still breastfeeding my 4 year old. Oh and our house is not stellar and we have a dog. And he has been upfront with his supervisors and there has never been an issue.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sebandg'smama* 
He tells them the same thing always co-operate with the Social Worker, be respectful, as they are just doing their job.

Yeah - right. Of course, the person the SW is visiting has to swallow whatever disrespectful crap they dish out, but god forbid it go the other way.

No offense intended, but I highly doubt you'd receive the same kind of treatment someone who wasn't married to a CAS worker receives. Sure - your dh had to talk to his supervisor, but the fact that he works where he works is also a _huge_ positive for you guys...just like it was for us. As soon as the intake worker who came here changed her mental pigeonhole from "living in a low-rent neighbourhood" (low-rent for the municipality - it's not low rent at all) to "professional father who works in my building", her entire demeanour changed. It was sick.


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Yeah - right. Of course, the person the SW is visiting has to swallow whatever disrespectful crap they dish out, but god forbid it go the other way.

No offense intended, but I highly doubt you'd receive the same kind of treatment someone who wasn't married to a CAS worker receives. Sure - your dh had to talk to his supervisor, but the fact that he works where he works is also a _huge_ positive for you guys...just like it was for us. As soon as the intake worker who came here changed her mental pigeonhole from "living in a low-rent neighbourhood" (low-rent for the municipality - it's not low rent at all) to "professional father who works in my building", her entire demeanour changed. It was sick.

Well, the point of my post was that if in fact we are living in a society where family and neighbours and church/mosque/temple goers are not going to help abused children then we have to have a government organization to step in.
If the Social Work is disrespectful then there is their supervisor/director to complain to. If that fails there are other ways to complain, your MPP, MP, the media...

My dh has a few cases right now that are so clearly "damned if you do damned if you don't".

And where I live the agency is working hard to change the way they service families so as to not discriminate, to come alongside and help instead of telling families what they need to do. That change is political, and we on mothering.com know that we need to stand up and demand change.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mistymama* 
No, never. And I don't know anyone IRL that has had CPS involved either. Every single story I've "heard" about CPS has been on MDC.

Maybe I'm naieve - but I don't worry about CPS at all. I feel we are good parents that provide a loving, stable home. It's clean, there is lots of healthy organic food & I just don't worry about CPS.









That. Although I did worry one time. My 2.5 year old fell in the tub and split his head open. I was actually kind of surprised no one even questioned us about it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sebandg'smama* 
If the Social Work is disrespectful then there is their supervisor/director to complain to. If that fails there are other ways to complain, your MPP, MP, the media...

People with tattoos (okay - that was before they went mainstream), or "bad" taste in music, or poverty-level living conditions, or any of a number of other "disreputable" traits, are unlikely to complain, because experience has clearly taught them that they won't be taken seriously. Besides, when you know full well that a representative of an organization has consistently treated you like crap because of your income level, lifestyle, or whatever, why would you expect their supervisor to give a crap? These people are _terrified_ of bringing more attention on their families, because they've learned the hard way that it's a really, really bad idea.

I also disagree that that change is political. All the political, organizational change in the world isn't going to change the attitude of workers who walk in knowing they're better than the parents and families they "serve". (And, yes - I have seen this same patronizing, disrespectful, negative attitude directed at the children who are supposed to be receiving help.)


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

I voted "other" because we licensed to be foster and adoptive parents and it's really scary to open your house up to be scrutinized by CPS! We passed with flying colors but I sure had some nightmares during the process wondering if there was something I missed or did not realize.

Having worked with CPS and taken their trainings and such I feel a lot more informed and comfortable with them. They really are NOT the evil "child snatchers" that I had been led to believe by my dad. Even some of our more alternative parenting practices they did not bat an eyelash about. They would really prefer never to have to take a child out of a home but some homes are actually really unsafe so they have to do it. They have a horribly hard job and I don't think I could ever do it, but they do because almost all of them care about kiddos and making a difference. It doesn't pay enough and isn't easy enough to do it for any other reason, from what I have seen.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
People with tattoos (okay - that was before they went mainstream), or "bad" taste in music, or poverty-level living conditions, or any of a number of other "disreputable" traits, are unlikely to complain, because experience has clearly taught them that they won't be taken seriously. Besides, when you know full well that a representative of an organization has consistently treated you like crap because of your income level, lifestyle, or whatever, why would you expect their supervisor to give a crap? These people are _terrified_ of bringing more attention on their families, because they've learned the hard way that it's a really, really bad idea.

I also disagree that that change is political. All the political, organizational change in the world isn't going to change the attitude of workers who walk in knowing they're better than the parents and families they "serve". (And, yes - I have seen this same patronizing, disrespectful, negative attitude directed at the children who are supposed to be receiving help.)


AMEN

The last thing you want to do is complain if you are in the middle of a DCF investigation!! Suck it up.... and jump through as many hoops as they make you wether or not they make any sense what so ever!

For all of you that have never had a call made--consider yourselves lucky. You porbably haven't run into the DR, caregiver, therapist, "friend" or whoever that decides they don't like how you are doing things. And everything you do WILL come under scrutiny. If you aren't mainstream you are screwed IME. Here it is steal your kids ask questions later.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

Those of you that see no good in CPS, do you have any ideas for an alternative?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Daphneduck* 
Those of you that see no good in CPS, do you have any ideas for an alternative?

No, I don't. IME, the families they screw up roughly balance out the ones where they make a positive difference. It's hard to say if they actually accomplish anything, overall. In principle, I think they're necessary...but I've seen things play out too badly too many times to be sure they are in the real world.


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

Perhaps then it should be like any other political movement of change. When we see others who do not have a voice, then we step up and be an agent of change.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I tend to be leery, in general, of speaking for those with no voice. I don't necessarily know what they want to say, yk? Some things are obvious, but some...not so much.

I have to wonder when kids are taken, based on one complaint about something that was alleged to have happened over a decade earlier...but when a friend went for custody after realizing his kids had been badly neglected and physically abused (the mom had showed up with both kids one day, and told him she was going into detox...he'd been helping out with groceries and stuff, but didn't realize how bad it was at first), he was told "oh, we're glad you want them - we were planning to apprehend them, if things didn't improve". WTF? These kids were almost starving, getting no intellectual stimulation at all - the daughter would curl up in a fetal position if someone raised their voice, and the dad was told that they were being left alone for hours at a time while she went out to score (they were almost 2 and almost 3). They should have been taken much sooner...and the other kids shouldn't have been taken at all. The people who were trying to "speak for them" had no idea what was in their best interests and were far more interested in judging the parents for their odd lifestyle than in ascertaining what worked for the kids.

I think change is in order...but I'm not sure which direction it should go.


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