# My son hates other children!



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I'm feeling concerned about my ds1's behavior, and wondering if I should be doing something else about it. I kind of thought he'd be growing out of it by now, but it's actually getting worse. Here's a snapshot, all from this week:

Wednesday: We're at the pediatric dentist, dd is in the chair getting her teeth cleaned. Ds1 is in a glassed in waiting room for siblings watching cartoons. I can see him, and he can hear me. Another little boy, probably also two but much smaller, sits down next to ds1. I see ds1 giving him the worst dirty look, and then I see him kick him before I can jump up or say anything. The dad of the little boy stops ds1, and then I remove him. He says, "I don't like that little boy!" but I can't figure out why. I guess he thought he was in his air space, but ds1 actually had to move over quite a bit to kick him. Luckily, the dad was very nice about it.

Thursday: We're at the park with a friend. Ds1, dd, and three year old friend are playing. Another little girl tries to climb into the tunnel with them, ds1 pushes her down. I didn't actually witness this one. If I'd seen the little girl go over there, I'd have been there too, but I somehow missed it while playing with ds2. Anyway, I remove ds1, firmly tell him we have to share playground equipment, sit down with him on the bench, and again, he says, "I don't like that girl!" I try to empathise with him over sharing friends and space, but he's just mad.

Today: We're at Wal-Mart and a little girl, probably about two, is walking in front of her parents. We pass them in the cart and ds1 says, "I don't like that little girl! Let's go back and I'll spit on her!"







:

Fortunately, they didn't hear him, but it's still worrisome! WWYD?


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

That's interesting.

My DD was two in April. She's pretty social, loves to play with kids, etc...but she does this thing that drives me CRAZY! She'll be at the playground, or a party, and a kid will wander over to the swingset/slide/playhouse and she'll go "NOT YOU!!" and try to block them from playing.

I've told her it's not nice, etc, everyone plays, it's nicer when we all play together..but I wonder where it comes from? She just wants "her space" or things or the slide or to be alone with her buddies or whatever?

Does he like any other kids at all?


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## majikfaerie (Jul 24, 2006)

I can see why that would be worrying!









no doubt some wiser mamas will respond, and I'm curious to hear what they say, coz my DD is pretty shy around other kids (not disliking them or violent, just painfully shy, and doesnt like boys).

I think if I were in that situation, I'd make a big effort to get to the root of why he feels that way. ask him about it, and ask from many angles. a lot of the time, small kids have a hard time vocalising how they feel and why.

and I wouldn't push him to interact with other kids if he feels that way.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *madskye* 
She'll be at the playground, or a party, and a kid will wander over to the swingset/slide/playhouse and she'll go "NOT YOU!!" and try to block them from playing.

Oh yeah. He would definitely do that, but he wouldn't just yell at them. He tries to hit them or kick them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majikfaerie* 








I can see why that would be worrying!









no doubt some wiser mamas will respond, and I'm curious to hear what they say, coz my DD is pretty shy around other kids (not disliking them or violent, just painfully shy, and doesnt like boys).

I think if I were in that situation, I'd make a big effort to get to the root of why he feels that way. ask him about it, and ask from many angles. a lot of the time, small kids have a hard time vocalising how they feel and why.

and I wouldn't push him to interact with other kids if he feels that way.

I have avoided talking about it too, too much because it seems like he's so impressionable. His sister gives him these ideas all the time, and he just adopts them and runs with them. So I don't want to keep bringing it up, like, "So, honey, why is it that you don't like other little kids?" Plus, I'm really not sure he could verbalize it.

But I am interested in your advice about not pushing him to interact with other kids. I've been really torn about keeping him in his playgroup. He often says he doesn't like the kids in playgroup, but he always wants to go. Because he likes the kids' toys.


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## Twocoolboys (Mar 10, 2006)

How does he do with kids that are older than him?

I have found that my youngest (now 3) seems to be happier playing with older kids. He has an 8 year old brother and he (the three year old) considers his brother's friends his friends. He does not consider the kids in his preschool class his friends.

A year ago, when he was two, he did things much like you describe your son doing. He has, thankfully, outgrown that. But, he still doesn't play all that well with kids his own age. He just doesn't seem to connect with them. Now, instead of verbally or physically acting out, he just ignores them.

I am not concerned because, if I remember correctly, my oldest was similar and did grow out of it by 4-ish. He is now very social and has lots of great friends.

As to why some toddlers do this, I'm not sure. I've often thought that toddlers like to be around people they can learn from and they sense that they aren't learning from their peers (not really anyway). Like, they've already mastered the toddler things that they see other kids their age doing. But, what the bigger kids are doing is cool and something they can strive towards.


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

Acknowledge the feeling, limit the behavior. Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually, they grow out of this, but I think the more you butt up against it the longer it will take. I wouldn't even ask why, just, ""Something about him/her really bothers you. We do not hit; even someone we don't like"
laoxinat


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

I seriously think it's an age thing. The first thing I did was look at your siggy-- my middle child (and yours is a middle, too, I see) was born 4/05 and also is "anti" other children at times, esp. strangers. My DD is not physical with them, but she'll say it loudly, "I don't like that girl!" or "That little boy is LOOKING at me!!!" I think she has (overall) become very jealous/possessive. It seems to have gotten stronger as the baby has become more mobile (we have an 02/07 baby).

It'll pass. I'd just keep him out of physical distance from touching the other children (prevent!).


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## P-chan (Jan 23, 2004)

At around that age my son seemed to prey upon younger children---those who weren't quite babies (like his sister) and not yet post-toddler like him. It was like he wanted to experiment on them to see what made them tick. After lots of talking about it and constant attention to prevention, he has grown out of it. He plays well with friends his own age, but he is still drawn to older children.


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## proudmamanow (Aug 12, 2003)

My daughter is also 2.5, and we had actually taken to calling her MissAnniethrope as a joke (until she asked us what the word meant...then we had to drop it!). She will VERY often talk about how she doesn't like other kids, especially younger ones getting in her space. She will talk at length about how she doesn`t like them, and wants to hit, kick, push them etc. We are lucky in that she (almost) never follows up with actions. I try to acknowledge the feeling by saying...you don't like it when so & so does X, y, z and then move on from there. But it is hard as a parent, however normal developmentally, of course I want my kid to like other kids and make friends. And we didn't enroll in the 2nd session of a music together class that I loved because she didn't want to go--her reason? She doesn't like the other kids! (of course now she's begging to be enrolled in preschool, so who knows?







)

But you know what ? Both dp & I are introverts, and I think in many ways this is just 2.5 year old dd's expression of that personality trait (that I'm pretty sure she shares). She just doesn't have the maturity & social skills to articulate it yet.

Sorry about the hitting though, that's really hard







Other than the hitting, he sounds alot like dd.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

Gosh, this thread brings back some memories!









Sorry, not meaning to make light of the situation. My DS went through a similar phase (he didn't hit/kick other kids too much - he saved that for me, LOL). He just did NOT like other kids, didn't want to be around them, in any way shape and form.

He outgrew that phase after several months of it waxing and waning, I believe. It was a fairly long phase.

Now, at almost 4, he is the COMPLETE opposite... loves playing with other kids, loves other kids, etc.

I guess it's kind of the age, for some kids... social skills ar enot really a priority for 2 year olds. LOL.

I don't have that much advice on how to handle the kicking/pushing, but hopefully you will take some comfort in knowing that it's a normal thing, and it will most likely pass after just a bit!


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