# temper tantrums in a 14 month old?



## lnitti (Jun 14, 2004)

dd is only 14 months old, but throws temper tantrums like there's no tomorrow. Everyone is surprised that she is doing it this young. Is this really younger than normal or is this a typical age to start? She's been doing it for a few months, but it's happening more frequently now.

What is the best way to deal with it? I try to divert her attention before one would happen, and I also try to explain before doing what I think might cause her to have one (i.e. like why I need to take an item from her and if possible give her something else). But I can't avoid all of them. and we're talking multiple temper tantrums a day. She really throws herself sometimes.

I've been told to ignore it, but what kind of message does that send? I don't want her to think I don't care, but I also don't want her to use it as a tool either. She's only 14 months, so there's only so much she understands and can communicate back.

Her PT says it's because she's smart that she has the temper tantrums. You never know when she'll do it. I helped her stand up one day and she threw a fit. if her knee is on a toy so she can't play with it, she'll throw a fit. If you open then close the outside door (like to let the cat in or out) she'll throw a fit because unbeknownst to you, she wanted to go outside, but she didn't think of it until she saw the door open.

And I do think that part of it is she is testing me. She'll look right at me while doing something unsafe. I'll tell her no and she'll stop. But 2 seconds later, she's doing it again while watching for my reaction.

Her fits only last a few seconds, but they are numerous and she could hurt herself the way she throws herself.


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## Earth Angel (Dec 13, 2004)

hi! i'm gonna jump on your thread if ya don't mind









we are having the same problem at our house and our ds is only 13 mo. they started a few weeks ago. i'm at a total loss as my older ds was not a big tanturmer and definately didn't have them at 1yo!! i try to explain to him simply whats going on...but to me they are still too young to grasp most of it...what i seem to hear from my ds is you moved me (took the whatever etc) and i'm SUPER mad. he has to move through them on his own but i stay right there...i'd never ignore him...even though a lot of the time he doesn't want to be held...i'd still never leave them alone...not even my big guy at 4 yo.

i kinda think it is all the frustration of trying to walk, talk and get these molars in he's been working on for a while now.....but geesh...it still sucks







: It is multiple xs a day here too....and i take him to work with me for an hr each day.....it REALLY sucks when he breaks down there.

people warned me when he was little that he'd be very strong willed....so...maybe this is just his personality.....very strong and committed...but i'm sure hoping it is more of a phase....although i'm sure it would turn into a [positive as he grows!

hoping for some wonderful advice as well.....and also...your not alone









eta..i'm trying to make his env as kiddie safe as possible so that i have to say no or re direct as little as possible...but it has not really helped that much....having the older bro makes it tough too as little DS is having to learn to share at such a young age.


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

First of all, get used to it.








IME, 14 months is a pretty normal age for this to start at. The frequency, intensity, and duration of the tantrums will wax and wane for the next...oh, well...for a long time to come, more than likely.
Keep on trying to prevent the meltdowns. Be ever vigalent in trying to find the triggers, and be prepared to adapt, constantly. What worked last week might not work this week.
But when they do happen, I usually offer sympathy. I'm of the belief that in young toddlers, tantrum happen, not so much because the baby expects to be able to "manipulate" you, but rather because they really have little or no control over their emotions.
You can just sit down beside them an maybe rub their back (if that doesn't make them even angrier), saying "Yeah, sweetie...I know...you really want to fill-in-the-blank and it makes you mad."...or something like that.
Also, with my ds, I've noticed there's some invisible line that's crossed sometimes in tantrums where it's no longer fury, but rather some emotion more akin to true despair, where they really need you to pick them up and comfort them, and help them move on.
It's hard to explain when that happens, but you can just watch your child and tell that they've forgotten why they were freaking out in the first place, and now they're just really, really sad.
When this happens, "ignoring it" is a really bad idea, since firstly, it's just kind of mean, and secondly, it will only make the situation worse.
HTH.


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## ChasingPeace (Oct 19, 2003)

My ds is 15 1/2 months old, and for the last month or so has been throwing what I guess could be called tantrums. He throws himself on the floor or against something and cries, kicks, hits, and doesn't want to be touched. I used to try to touch him to comfort him, but then I read in "The Aware Baby" that some toddlers need to have such a physical release. Taking advice from that book, I go near him and "give him words" for what he appears to be feeling. I say calmly (and try to be soothing): "yes, Ali's frustrated, Ali's upset, it's frustrating to want to play with something and not be able to/it's scary to be angry with Mommy, Mommy loves you even when you're angry," etc. He DEFINITELY does this more when he's tired. When he calms a little bit, I ask him if he wants to nurse, and he often will, sometimes for just a few seconds, or sometimes until he falls asleep. I don't feel comfortable ignoring it, but I try to validate what he's feeling. It's definitely reframed the way I view his "tantrums," and I don't find them upsetting to me anymore. Good luck!


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## quaz (May 24, 2005)

My youngest, who is high needs and now 15m, started tantrums at 6m. (complete with throwing herself on the floor when she didn't get what she wanted). I remember one she had at 10m, b/c we wouldn't wash her hands for a 3rd or 4th time in a row. She has gotten smarter about it, though. Last week she walked out of the kitchen (which is tiled), and then did her tantrum on the carpet. I was trying very hard not to laugh... smart enough to know that hey, I'm going to hit my head if I tantrum in the kitchen, but opinionated enough that she is going to be sure to tantrum.

My oldest, didn't have any until she was nearing 2 1/2...but she is now tantruming multiple times a day... must be b/c she is nearing 3. ;-)

Age for tantrums starting really is based on temperment...but 15m isn't too unusual. At a bare minimum usually they start voicing no at this point.

Tammy


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