# *PENIS and VAGINA*



## BeBe123 (May 25, 2006)

ok. so i have this friend who has a son the same age as my ds(4). we were on a playdate and my ds had to go to the bathroom. I said to my ds "don't forget to wipe your penis(he's not the best shaker)". Well my friend was totally horrified that i would say "that word" to my ds. She has to her son to call his privates "little jimmy"(her son's name is jimmy). She dosent want me saying penis in front of her ds because she thinks that a bad word for children??

Do alot of parents feel the same way as her? I just want my kids to know the correct names of there body parts.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BeBe123*
Do alot of parents feel the same way as her?

Unfortunately yes. But your approach is much healthier. My child knows most of the proper names for anatomy.


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## FrozenMommy (May 25, 2006)

As a kindergarden teacher I was always amused by how many parents were *afraid* for their kids to know the real words to their OWN body parts...! Kudos to you for teaching your son the actual name. I never understood why it's wrong to call a penis a penis?? That's what it is!!
I think (like so many other things) it can be traced back to America's horror of being up front about sex and anything vaguely related to sex.


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

I, on the other hand, feel that it is foolish to call our parts anything but what they are and that it minimizes their protected status when we make things cutesy.

I think that a lot of people are uncomfortable SAYING penis and vagina, and that this is the true reason they do this to their children.


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## MidwifeErika (Jun 30, 2005)

There are many adults who become embarassed by a child knowing the correct names. My children do though. My daughter knows the general terms for her anatomy, but also the specifics because if she points to a specific part (such as labia or vagina) I will tell her the individual name for that part as well. I would prefer that she knows that she has a clitoris rather than thinking she has a small penis. When she has talked about these parts in the past, it has embarassed people, but they can just get over it.


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## Autumn_Breeze (May 4, 2006)

Yes, tell them the correct names, it is part of our human anatomy, and it is very important for the kids to know the proper names. Do not confuse the children, they need to learn these things. I am in agreement with you on this one BeBe.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

My sister about had a cow when I taught her daughter the word vagina (I babysat her full-time for two years). We have always used the correct terminology with our crew. My sister-in-law gets very embarrassed as well when she hears a child say penis or vagina.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I use penis and vulva. I feel sorry for the kids that call their parts by silly names.

Using vagina makes me crazy. Since its tucked up inside, no one sees it but my lover or my midwife. I would never teach my daughter to use the word vagina for casual toilet talk. She knows she has one and what its for, but that's not the part you wipe when you pee.


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nikirj*
I, on the other hand, feel that it is foolish to call our parts anything but what they are and that it minimizes their protected status when we make things cutesy.

I think that a lot of people are uncomfortable SAYING penis and vagina, and that this is the true reason they do this to their children.

I totally agree.

My 3 1/2 year old is fascinated by the differences between her body and her Papa's (she sees him naked when he comes out of the bathtub). She spent a good part of last month telling anyone and everyone, "My name is Alex and I don't have a penis."

We've also had the 'these parts are private, no one can touch them but you" talk. So now she likes to get on elevators and announce, "Nobody touch my breast-es!!" For some reason, she only does this on elevators.









Anyway, the point is, I agree with you. I get a kick out of people's reactions when she innocently says all of this. Some folks are horrified (which I find amusing







), others chuckle.


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## poppyqwn (Jan 5, 2005)

I was raised with penis and vagina. And patella, metacarpal and phalanges and clavicle and all the rest of the medical and technical terms for that matter. My mom is an RN and my dad also in the medical field in the AF. I really didn't know that people taught their kiddos anything else for quite a long time.

Last year a little boy was kicked in the groin in my front yard and DS and his friend ran to get me and the friend told me he was kicked in the ______. I looked at him and said "what?" because it really didn't dawn on me what he ment until DS was like "so and so got kicked in testicles!" DUH! So I had to go out and I corrected like 10 boys in out front yard as to what their anatomy was called. Later I realized I may have overstepped a line, but no one's parents called or came over to complain.


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## sweetangelbrynlie (Jun 23, 2005)

"little jimmy"









I would be embarassed refering to a penis as little jimmy.









Every parent I know doesn't like to use the correct terms. Heck, even my childs doctor doesn't like it. He says to my son "can I check your tools?" I told my son "he wants to make sure your penis is healthy, okay?" the doc turned bright red and said "i always say tools instead"


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

We have neighbors with a little boy about a year older than my DD and they sometimes play together or I'll watch him for my neighbor - - - whom I like but think is odd and with whom I have little to nothing in common. Anyhoo - it seems EVERY time he is over, without fail the word penis or vagina comes up, and he screams and yells, EWWWWWWW THAT'S DIRTY YOU SAID PENIS, I"M GONNA TELL MOMMY.

I always take the opportunity to say matter-o'-factly, "it's not dirty; it's a part of your body."

The other day my DD had to change her clothes and was naked for a few minutes in front of him and he yelled, "EWW, that's gross!" pointing at her vulva.

My sweet, expressive, naked and indignant little DD put her hands on her hips and said, "That hurts my feelings! It's not gross! It's a part of my body, and it's a very important part of my body since a baby comes out of it!"

I often wonder about the dialogues in his home. I find it very strange and beyond that, damaging, to pass on this kind of attitude about one's genitals. I'm sure he reports to his parents that we are perverts who love to talk about penises, etc.


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

we use correct terms too - but after reading philomom's post, I may take it one step further and explain to dd some more detail. I admit, we use vagina for our dd's just 'cause its a much easier and quicker explanation. But she'll be 4 soon, so maybe now is the time....

Anyhoo, my ex was a freak about proper words. And I mean in a bad way. After picking up my 3yrold after a weekend visit, I got an earful about the "bad language" he had to put up with. When I asked what bad language, he said, "he told me he had _nipples_! What 3yr old needs to know words like that?!" whatever. idiot.


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## PennyRoo (Dec 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedWine*
I totally agree.

So now she likes to get on elevators and announce, "Nobody touch my breast-es!!" For some reason, she only does this on elevators.









.

And by the way, this is freaking hilarious! Love those 3 year old zingers.


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## BeBe123 (May 25, 2006)

RedWine















Your DD is soooo cute!


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

We've always used the 'correct' terms. I have 2 friends that always kind of made fun of me and would never use the word penis (they both have boys) one used the word 'stuff' and I don't remember the other. Anyway, the one that used the word stuff went to a child abuse prevention talk and was told a story about why to use the correct words: a little girl in kindergarden or 1st grade kept telling her teacher that a little boy classmate kept touching her purse and wouldn't stop. The teacher would just keep telling th little girl well use your words and he will listen. After a few days of this, the teacher finally realized that 'purse' was the little girls' family's name for her vagina. Ever since then, my friend uses correct terms.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BeBe123*
ok. so i have this friend who has a son the same age as my ds(4). we were on a playdate and my ds had to go to the bathroom. I said to my ds "don't forget to wipe your penis(he's not the best shaker)". Well my friend was totally horrified that i would say "that word" to my ds. She has to her son to call his privates "little jimmy"(her son's name is jimmy). She dosent want me saying penis in front of her ds because she thinks that a bad word for children??

Do alot of parents feel the same way as her? I just want my kids to know the correct names of there body parts.

Pardon me, but I think your friend is being ridiculous. It's called a penis and a vagina. I don't think they're the most euphonious names in the world, but I certainly think it's better than calling them by some absurd euphemism. Not only does that communicate the fact that she views these parts as shameful, but according to stuff I've read on child abuse, molesters look for kids who don't call their private parts by their correct names because those kids tend, on the whole, to come from families where talking about sex (including sexual abuse) is forbidden. In short, it makes them into targets.


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## PeacefulSeams (Apr 10, 2006)

We use the correct terms at my house as well. My son calls it his penis and sometimes his pee-pee. He said to me the other day "when I get bigger like daddy, My pee pee will be big like daddy's. right now it's just a big boy pee-pee."







We have also had the no one can touch it but you talk. So now at bathtime when it is time to clean it, he yells "that's my penis and you can't touch it. Only I can touch it!"


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetangelbrynlie*
"little jimmy"









I would be embarassed refering to a penis as little jimmy.









Every parent I know doesn't like to use the correct terms. Heck, even my childs doctor doesn't like it. He says to my son "can I check your tools?" I told my son "he wants to make sure your penis is healthy, okay?" the doc turned bright red and said "i always say tools instead"

For one thing, can't she at least do him the macho favor and call it a "BIG jimmy"?


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

yes, I've encountered this as well. The discomfort is particularly evident when my daughters say the word penis.


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PennyRoo*

The other day my DD had to change her clothes and was naked for a few minutes in front of him and he yelled, "EWW, that's gross!" pointing at her vulva.

My sweet, expressive, naked and indignant little DD put her hands on her hips and said, "That hurts my feelings! It's not gross! It's a part of my body, and it's a very important part of my body since a baby comes out of it!"


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

We use the correct terms, though I'll probably start using vulva from now on - since vagina isn't truly correct - except of course when DD says 'I have a hole down there!', but I wasn't sure what the best term was to use, when she is kinda referring to the whole area.

In terms of facing criticism over it, like the OP whose friend was horrified when she uses the terms, I find use this explaination to squash them - something like "I want to teach her the proper names for safety reasons, if she is ever sexually molested, a judge and court are much more likely to understand and believe what happened if she is using the correct terms rather than 'woo woo' or 'ha ha' which could mean anything to the child"

There are lots of other reasons to do it, but I find this usually shuts mainstream parents (and family) up.


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

We use the word penis of course but I personally HATE the word vagina. I always have and the origins of the word offends me. Not because I think talking about that part of the body is dirty, but because I don't like the word. So in our house we use Penis and Yoni. It works for us. I can see the argument about molestation but I just can't bring myself to use that word.

Laura


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## Slabobbin (Jan 29, 2004)

I agree with the majority. I teach my kids the proper words and don't really agree with those who do not.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shenjall*
When I asked what bad language, he said, "he told me he had _nipples_! What 3yr old needs to know words like that?!" whatever. idiot.










When my DS was 3 he knew that milk came out of my nipples.


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Charles Baudelaire*
For one thing, can't she at least do him the macho favor and call it a "BIG jimmy"?









Good one.

I think it is fine to use a slang term if it is more comfortable if the child also knows the real names too. But, "little Jimmy" is just creepy - like his penis is a version of himself. Yikes.


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## poppyqwn (Jan 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Roar*

I think it is fine to use a slang term if it is more comfortable if the child also knows the real names too. But, "little Jimmy" is just creepy - like his penis is a version of himself. Yikes.

Ya know that was my first thought too.


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## HappyNewMama (Jul 12, 2003)

We mostly use proper anatomical terms in our house and I follow his lead, by giving the information as he requests it. My 3 yo ds knows he has a penis--he does sometimes call it a weiner (I don't particularly like that one, but he picked it up from his cousin) or a peiner (how do you spell that one?!?!) but he also knows those are nicknames for it and those labels aren't used even close to as often as 'penis'. He just recently pointed to his scrotum and told me it was his penis so I explained that it was actually his scrotum. After seeing his cousin's penis (jewish, circ'ed) he told me at home that cousin's penis was "weird" so we had a discussion about the foreskin and glans (I mentioned it was the head--he thought that was funny! "My penis has a head!"). Now, I have no problem going into whatever actual detail is required to help him learn about his body, but at this point I am MUCH less detailed with him regarding the female anatomy. He has asked me if girls have penises, if I have a penis, etc. The first time he asked about it we talked about how this is one way that girl and boy bodies are different and that girls have a few parts. At that time I listed them all by proper names and then I said so boys have penises and girls have girl parts. So now I just say girls have girl parts. When he is older I will DEFINITELY be more forthcoming about the intricacies of the female genitalia, but I really feel like he knows what he needs to know for now and what I've told him is true.
He talks about his nipples often, too--likes to point out the fact that he has nipples, his dolls have nipples, etc. He calls breasts "nursies". I think that is interesting because I always thought he was only referring to my milk or the act of nursing whenever he said anything about nursies, but now it's clear that is his name for boobs. Yesterday he told me that boys have nipples but girls have nipples AND nursies. We were in the car later and he was telling me a story (with lots of enthusiasm!) about how when I am the little baby and he is the mom he'll grow really BIG nursies with BIG nipples so he can be a good mom and nurse me and take care of me.
Sorry, got a little OT there, but yeah I feel very strongly that kids should be taught the true names of their own body parts. I think they should feel a sense of ownership and awareness about their entire body. I wouldn't wish for anybody to grow up thinking that a part of them is a big joke, a big secret or 'dirty' or wrong. How is that going to lead to healthy sexuality? I am trying to raise a child who feels good about himself, who can be happy, whole and fulfilled. How is being taught to feel like part of him is shameful going to be beneficial to him? (or society for that matter)???


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## sehbub (Mar 15, 2006)

My DSD's biomom called to basically scream at me because I explained pumping breastmilk to the girls. I'm not going to hide from them when I have to express milk for their baby sister who can't nurse! They also know how their sister got out of my body, what stretch marks are, and how my body makes (sometimes) milk for baby sister.

My DH just shook his head at her convenient prudishness. She can curse and scream in front of the girls, and tell them to shut up, and spank them, and lock them in their room, and continue to make out with all of her ex-boyfriends, but heaven forbid we explain very natural life patterns to them!

Sorry, little pissy about it.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Charles Baudelaire*
For one thing, can't she at least do him the macho favor and call it a "BIG jimmy"?









lol!!! I'm dyin'


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## mummy marja (Jan 19, 2005)

Quote:

Using vagina makes me crazy. Since its tucked up inside, no one sees it but my lover or my midwife. I would never teach my daughter to use the word vagina for casual toilet talk. She knows she has one and what its for, but that's not the part you wipe when you pee.
YES! There are a lot of grown women around who do not know the difference between the vagina and the vulva. Teach your daughter this. Please!


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

My son knows he has a penis and a scrotum and he knows vulva and vagina. I don't think he knows any other words for those parts. At his 3 yr. checkup the dr. asked if she could check his "private parts" and I had to tell him she meant his penis. I told the doctor, "We don't say "private parts", we say "penis" and "scrotum"." I think she was a bit taken aback, but oh well.


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## Jess A (May 26, 2006)

We use correct terms with our kids.

Our son knows penis. He has never asked what girl parts are called, even with a little sister. I'm guessing he's not interested in knowing . . . though with a baby coming, I imagine the questions will be here before long.

My daughter refers to her private area, which we called it before she could talk. She has never asked for specific names . . . I guess I should fill her in, but I always let the kids do the leading. Maybe now that we're getting out of diapers she'll show more interest and desire to know what things are called.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

Big, big fan of "vulva" here. In addition to describing what you see and touch... it's where all the nerve endings are!

I think the point about being able to describe molestation is an excellent one. And on the positive side of sexuality, we're giving our kids the wonderful gift of being able to discuss their bodies and how they feel comfortably. I'm expecting big thanks from dc's future partners!


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

We're also a penis on yoni bunch







Though my kids are very familiar with the proper terminology for all parts. Even still my boys insist on making up rediculous names for their penises on occasion







Doesn't really bug me considering I know they are well aware and whenever I speak to them I use the proper names. I just correct them and move on but don't make a big fuss out of it... I always figure they're just being boys. Guess I'm in the minority in a way.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

Well we use penis and vulva since the vagina is the least of her concerns right now


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## freebirth2 (Apr 26, 2006)

We should teach our children not to be ashamed of their bodies. Plus it sooooooo cute when little kids talk about sex things.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

We use correct terms here. I don't know why it makes people uncomfortable. I kind of think it's funny really. My dad was watching the kids the other day while I went into the ER for a migraine. The dog was there too and she hasn't been spayed yet and is currently "in season", as they apparently call it for dogs. So, when I got back, my dad whispered to me that dd told him that "Bree is bleeding from her vagina." He was all red in the face and really quiet. I just busted out laughing. It was freaking hilarious! Darn near had to go back to the ER for the migraine again.


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## momma2mingbu (Jun 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BeBe123*

Do alot of parents feel the same way as her? I just want my kids to know the correct names of there body parts.

A lot of people are pitifully hung-up about the names of body parts.


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## MommyTorf (Nov 9, 2004)

We were talking about this at work one day. One of my co-workers was telling us how her 13 year old grandson came to the breakfast table with an erection- only she called it something else- I can't remember what hillbilly term she used. Something about a "dinger". Anyway, I made a joke about her being scared of using the word "penis". She rolled her eyes and said, "so you're one of THOSE PEOPLE that's going to teach your child THOSE kind of words!". Well, yeah! I told DP about it and he said, "I thought we'd just teach him that it's his 'junk'!".


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## MOM2ANSLEY (May 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sehbub*
My DSD's biomom called to basically scream at me because I explained pumping breastmilk to the girls. I'm not going to hide from them when I have to express milk for their baby sister who can't nurse! They also know how their sister got out of my body, what stretch marks are, and how my body makes (sometimes) milk for baby sister.

Just this past fri. I pumped in front of my 5yr old nephew....figured if he was my son I would, and my mom walked around naked in front of us so what was the big deal....when mom noticed him watching we just explained it to him and he went on business as usual.

As far as kids using proper names I had a friend who cracked up when her niece sang the hokey pokey and sang "you put your 'jina ( 3yr old pronounciarton of vagina) in , you put your "jina out......"







:


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## stormchaser_al (Jun 15, 2006)

I am sorry but I am having a hard time seeing my nephews calling their private parts Little *******. That just sounds so strange. I see nothing wrong with telling your children the correct names of the human body. I know some parents would shriek with horror if they heard a child call their body parts by the correct name.


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## momileigh (Oct 29, 2002)

I don't like the word vagina because it is usually incorrect in these circumstances. I don't like vulva because it sounds gross to me. (I'm speaking as the mother of two daughters and the oldest of 4 girls here. As a midwifery student, I can use the word in a clinical setting without it bothering me.) We used the word "goose" growing up, which screwed me up for life when I need to use the word goose. Until rather recently, when speaking about the bird, I'd have to say, "One of the geese." Now, with my daughter, I use the rather cutesy word "pubby" which someone on these boards told me was yiddish for vulva. (I chose not to use yoni mostly because it was too goddessy-worshippy for me.) I'm not saying this is the way to go, and I am totally supportive of anyone who uses the correct language. But even when I spend my day staring at other people's vaginas, I still don't want to go home and hear my daughter say "vulva."

What I love is the word a friend of mine always uses. Vagine. Pronounced "Vuh-zheen." It is too too funny. It isn't cutesy; it sounds sophisticated. And it is totally hilarious; just try it for fun.


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## MOM2ANSLEY (May 19, 2003)

Dd 3 1/2 calls sons penis a "weenynay" I have NO idea where it came from...she said walmart....she says everything i don't understand comes from walmart...including when she wanted to name ds "Skoblet" lmao

Do you mammas who ONLY want dc to use (not know, but USE ) anatomical terms also have your child say urinate or deficate instead of potty ????
not to cause conflict, b/c i don't have a pob with either way, just curious if you do and why or why not


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## ndunn (Mar 22, 2006)

I don't know if someone said this already (thread is long) but I saw a special on dateline about how it can really be detrimental to kids to learn kiddie names for their parts because that is what alot of child molesters use on their victims. Just another thing to think about. If the kids know the proper names, then they can differenciate between what is going on at home and what is going on with the person who is abusing them. If they see similarities between the two then its not as likely that they'll tell because they see it as less out of the norm. KWIM?


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## momileigh (Oct 29, 2002)

Don't want to hijack the thread, ndunn, but I really *don't* get that argument. If someone needs to relate some fact about their umbilicus, if they say navel or belly button, I think anyone is going to get their point.


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## wildmonkeys (Oct 4, 2004)

Oh no, I might get in big trouble here, but we use pee pee until our kids are 4ish I think. That way it is universal if they are in the bathroom with myself, their sibling, or dh. At one point (4ish) I remember ds1 asking me what happened to my peepee and I told him it was inside and giving him the proper terms for everything. Now that ds2 seems almost potty-trained







I am sure we will be having the same conversation.

BJ
Barney & Ben

P.S. As an aside, one of my mother's favorite stories about me is when my brother was about 2 weeks old and I pointed to his penis and asked "when is that one going to finally fall off"


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## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

i use proper words sometimes and have had conversations explaining all the terms correlated to the actual anatomy and then relating it to our everyday words. We say "toonkie" for dd (6) but she knows what the real words are. for ds i say wee-wee now but will explain the proper terms when he is talking.

i agree that "vulva" is under-used.


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## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

I use "penis", "testicles", and "scrotum with DS.

However, I say "pee" and "poop" when discussing things that come out of his *area*.









And I say "bottom" for his, you know, anus.

As for girl parts, augh. I have a block about that.

Gotta tell all you moms of girls...I hope your girls don't end up like me, incredibly UNABLE to use the V words most of the time. Yes, that's right, I said "v words".









My mom insisted that I used "vulva" and "vagina" properly for years...but at some point I seem to have lost the ability, or at least the ability to say it comfortably.

I'm sure I'll step up to the plate if needed.

For now, just like someone else had "goose" ruined forever, I canNOT say the name of that Swedish car to *save my life*. It's just TOO close. I have to say "ovlov" instead, I'm totally serious. Just can't say it.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sijae*
We use the word penis of course but I personally HATE the word vagina. I always have and the origins of the word offends me. Not because I think talking about that part of the body is dirty, but because I don't like the word. So in our house we use Penis and Yoni. It works for us. I can see the argument about molestation but I just can't bring myself to use that word.

Laura

Vagina is not the proper word. Vagina is the birth canal. Vulva is the proper word.


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

Ah...well in that case, those of us who have had our children present at their siblings' births have presented the term 'vagina' in a most tantalizing fashion...I mean come now, what more interesting body part could there possibly be after seeing THAT!? DS in particular is quite enchanted with the fact that there's a whole body part on mommies 'just' for having babies! DD has realized that it is a bit more multifunction than all that, but what those other functions are still elude her (thank goodness). I think the whole seeing-the-siblings-born thing has made the vagina the 'main attraction' and even though we've used the word vulva, it was vagina that stuck.


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## ndunn (Mar 22, 2006)

momileigh,

I was just relaying what I saw on the documentary. I never said I agreed or disagreed. I just thought it was an interesting perspective to think about (whether you think its valid or not).


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp*
Vagina is not the proper word. Vagina is the birth canal. Vulva is the proper word.

Oh wow, I stand corrected! After 3 kids I had never realized what the Vagina is.

Like I said we use the word Yoni and we're happy with that.


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

FYI:

Quote:

yoni

One entry found for yoni.
Main Entry:yo·ni
Pronunciation:'yO-nE
Function:noun
Etymology:Sanskrit, vulva
: a stylized representation of the female genitalia symbolizing the feminine principle in Hindu cosmology -- compare LINGAM
- yo·nic /'yO-nik/ adjective

Quote:

vulva

One entry found for vulva.
Main Entry:vul·va
Pronunciation:'v&l-v&
Function:noun
Inflected Form(s)lural vul·vae /-"vE, -"vI/
Etymology:New Latin, from Latin volva, vulva womb, female genitals; akin to Sanskrit ulva womb and perhaps to Latin volvere to roll -- more at VOLUBLE
: the external parts of the female genital organs
- vul·val /'v&l-v&l/ or vul·var /-v&r, -"vär/ adjective
I don't see vulva having any more validity than yoni when you compare definitions. They both refer to the female genitalia according to webster.


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## MamaHippo (Dec 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
My child knows most of the proper names for anatomy.

I've never called DS's penis anything but his penis. We even say bye-bye to the penis when I put on his diaper. I've gotten some stares, though, from older people when Noah says "bye-bye penis" or "penis hiding!" and points to his groin. He's potty-learning, and he's taken great interest in whose got a penis (like him, and daddy) and who doesnt. I'm trying to teach him that it isnt polite to follow visitors to our home into the bathroom to see if they have a penis.









I think a lot of people think that if a child exhibits proper usage of Penis and Vagina/Vulva, other people will assume that the child has inappropriate knowledge or experiences involving other people's penises/vaginas.

As for potty functions, we call them "pee pee" and "poo." I'm ok with that. Its easier for him to say "Pee-pee in potty!" rather than "Urinate in potty!"


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sijae*
Oh wow, I stand corrected! After 3 kids I had never realized what the Vagina is.


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## cornflower_3 (Jan 15, 2006)

*


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## Tofu the Geek (Dec 2, 2003)

I'm with the people who just don't like the word vulva. It's just a word I hate to say (and I am totally open with talking about sex, birth, etc. with my DD so I don't get it!!) and I always end up saying something stupid like "did you remember to wash *down there*? Seriously, "down there"? I mean, WHAT am I thinking??







When I try to use vulva, it comes out sounding silly and it seems like I am embarassed saying it or something, and I don't want DD to feel embarassed about her parts!

The word penis is just fine to me, I don't know what my issue with vulva is. Now that I have read "yoni" on here, and done a bit of reasearch on the word, I think that is what I am going to use now. It's a very pretty sounding word, I really like it!


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## Lady Madonna (Jul 2, 2004)

We use the proper words, for the most part.

I do have a question: when DD asks where her pee comes from, what do you tell her? Do you say "your urethra" or "your vulva"? My DD knows pee comes from a boy's penis, but saying that pee comes from her vulva doesn't seem quite technically ... right. But I'm a little worried about confusing her with yet another body part that she can't really see! Any advice?


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Madonna*
We use the proper words, for the most part.

I do have a question: when DD asks where her pee comes from, what do you tell her? Do you say "your urethra" or "your vulva"? My DD knows pee comes from a boy's penis, but saying that pee comes from her vulva doesn't seem quite technically ... right. But I'm a little worried about confusing her with yet another body part that she can't really see! Any advice?

Well, either way, male or female, it comes through the urethra, so if you tell one that, you'd have to tell both. KWIM?


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## sphinxie (Feb 28, 2006)

Hm... IMO, attaching a stigma to the most basic words for our genitalia etc is really unfortunate. But using alternative words is not _inherently_ applying a stigma. Having multiple words with basically similar but differently nuanced meanings is one of the things that makes our language so rich. (Of course, the issue of basic terms helping to prevent child abuse is a good reason to emphasize those.)

Still, calling the penis "little {child's name}"... future therapy bills anyone? Or unhappy son's girlfriends/boyfriends? Talk about a way to reinforce one of the more problematic aspects of masculine identity! That is one nuance I could do without, personally.


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## rubelin (Feb 3, 2002)

I've also hated the word vulva, so started using Yoni (I've heard that the word has it's origins meaning "sacred hole") and we use penis. Since my oldest is now 6 (and VERY curious), we've talked about the names of all sorts of parts so he does know that the tube inside his penis is the urethra (though he probably doesn't remember the name) and that boys and girls have one. We haven't ever really had occasion until last night (reading a book about digestion) to use the word anus, we just always refer to the entire area as "butt", "bum" or "tush", we have lots of words for that area







We haven't had any reason to talk about the actual hole.


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## callmeluci (Mar 13, 2006)

We have always used the correct terms for body parts in our house. My husband was raised to feel uncomfortable using those terms, so I made it a point to teach our son the correct words and to be comfortable using them. However, when we are out in public, we call my son's penis "Mr. Businessman". And he calls his testicles "Associates".
That is his choice of words, not ours. He would rather we say, "please leave Mr. Businessman alone" than "please quit playing with your penis". Most people have no idea what we are talking about.


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## Shenjall (Sep 14, 2002)

Quote:

We used the word "goose" growing up, which screwed me up for life when I need to use the word goose.
I hear ya! I had the hardest time when Canada brought out the $2 coin....


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## BeBe123 (May 25, 2006)

I am so glad that other mothers are honest with their kids about the correct terms for their body parts. I was hopeing that i wouldn't come across as perverted because i am open about sexuality with my DC. I grew up in a household that was very ashamed of sex and all that went with it. So i was clueless until HS health class! It made me feel bad about my body(maybe thats why i had an eating disorder?). So i am always going to be willing to talk to my kids about sex and body parts so that they know their bodies are wonderful. Plus,"little jimmy" *is* very creepy!
thanks

kristen


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

little jimmy


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

lol, DH calls his "little Louie" but in a totally joking manner. Of course, he calls the vagina/vulva the "yum-yum", but I think it's more just for laughs, he's a goofy guy. I knew the proper terms when I was little, and my kids will too, i don't see a problem with it. If I WAS going to use a nickname, I'd use something that would still be recognizeable that that was what they were talking about, just to avoid the whole "he was touching my purse" situation.

Oh yeah, and there's this funny flash file about this stick figure guy in sex ed and the teacher asks "Does anyone know what a vulva is?" and he raises his hand and says "A sweedish automobile?"









that word does sound funny. I don't like it much reguardless of what it refers to, but I'll still use it, because that's what it's called.

I also hate the word "rural" but I'll use it when I have to. Mainly because "provincial" has a kindof bad connotation.


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## jkpmomtoboys (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BeBe123*
ok. so i have this friend who has a son the same age as my ds(4). we were on a playdate and my ds had to go to the bathroom. I said to my ds "don't forget to wipe your penis(he's not the best shaker)". Well my friend was totally horrified that i would say "that word" to my ds. She has to her son to call his privates "little jimmy"(her son's name is jimmy). She dosent want me saying penis in front of her ds because she thinks that a bad word for children??

OK I'm sorry--this made me









We've also always used the correct names.

In fact, whenever ds1 has questions about sex or anything like that, I answer all his questions honestly, and it shocked me when I found out that all parents aren't like that.

I found that out when I had to tell some of the Kindergarten parents that ds1 plays with that ds1 and I talked about sex a few months ago. I told them so that if the topic hadn't been brought up in their house, they would be ready for it, since my son and his friends talk a lot.

Well you would think I'd hit a couple of the parents with a broom. They were astonished that I would tell my son that when a mommy and a daddy want to make a baby the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina and the sperm go out of it and find the egg.

(and yes, I know there are other ways to make babies, but that's the way we did it over here









Anyway, I did have to laugh when one of the moms said that when her 5 yo asked her about sex, she said, "Look--Dragon Tales is on!"


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## MamaSpruce (Aug 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweetangelbrynlie*
Every parent I know doesn't like to use the correct terms. Heck, even my childs doctor doesn't like it. He says to my son "can I check your tools?" I told my son "he wants to make sure your penis is healthy, okay?" the doc turned bright red and said "i always say tools instead"











I would have had the same reaction as you, not having a ton of experience with other parents yet. Heck yeah, teach them the proper names!


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

I have to say that "little jimmy" kind of freaks me out. We are a "penis" house over here. I haven't read the whole thread but I'm sure that someone has already pointed out that if nothing else it keeps kids safer from child molesters to use correct terms for their anatomy. If they haven't, let me know and I will elaborate.

Edited to add: I just read the post above mine: TOOLS? That is freaky. I would be horrified if my doctor said that.


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## I STIK M (Dec 12, 2004)

this is a great thread, we tend to go with the proper name when we are talking seriuosly, silly words if it is silly time, dinglie-doo is ds running naked, having escaped his shorts with it bouncing about- his word. some time ago i mentioned my ds balls and got some replies, i remember in particular someone said that gonads was much nicer, which i find very funny, my ds finds balls very funny lately, he started calling them that when he realized they are not squares, but...balls! he also calls breasts booobies unless they are fake, he can tell, then they too are balls! so what does everyone call the arse, butt, can, derrierre, end, fanny, gluttie puffs, hinnie, iiiii...(used to know an i), jiggler, kreme puff, ohh well.......i am off on a tangent, sorry.blessings


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## txgal (Jul 16, 2003)

We use the proper terms too. Starting when Ds was very small (6 months), I would refer to his "penis" during bathtime, along with all his other body parts "we are gonna wash your arms, and legs, and those cute little toes, now your penis and scrotum...) by age 18 mo. he was using the term himself. When I was pregnant with Dd I told him the baby would come out of my vagina, we watched birth videos and every once in a while he will point when we are in the tub and say "Mommy's vagina" We will do the same with Dd, probably use the word vulva at first and get more specific as she gets older.

Lydia


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PennyRoo*
We have neighbors with a little boy about a year older than my DD and they sometimes play together or I'll watch him for my neighbor - - - whom I like but think is odd and with whom I have little to nothing in common. Anyhoo - it seems EVERY time he is over, without fail the word penis or vagina comes up, and he screams and yells, EWWWWWWW THAT'S DIRTY YOU SAID PENIS, I"M GONNA TELL MOMMY.

I always take the opportunity to say matter-o'-factly, "it's not dirty; it's a part of your body."

The other day my DD had to change her clothes and was naked for a few minutes in front of him and he yelled, "EWW, that's gross!" pointing at her vulva.

My sweet, expressive, naked and indignant little DD put her hands on her hips and said, "That hurts my feelings! It's not gross! It's a part of my body, and it's a very important part of my body since a baby comes out of it!"

I often wonder about the dialogues in his home. I find it very strange and beyond that, damaging, to pass on this kind of attitude about one's genitals. I'm sure he reports to his parents that we are perverts who love to talk about penises, etc.

I just had to say "Go Girl"!! to your dd.. way to tell him.









I also think it's very important that kids know the proper words for their genitals. It bums me out to hear a kid say that the word "penis" or "vagina" is gross, they obviously learned that from their parents.









I am also confessing that I use vagina instead of vulva, even though I know vulva is the correct term. I mostly do it because it's much more understandable/acceptable to a greater number of people.

When my friend and her 5y/o came to visit me in the hospital after ds's birth, the 5 y/o asked me why I wasn't giving him a bottle. I told her that I was giving the baby milk from my breasts/boobies.
My friend was p.o'd because on the way home she would have to "explain that one". All I could is, "why is that a problem"?


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

1) I just realized I've been pronouncing yoni wrong. I've never heard anyone use it in real life. I got the temr off these boards









2) When I say we know most of the proper terms - we haven't gotten to the specifics of labia , cltoris or testicles - just yoni, vagina and penis.

3) I'm phasing out the word "potty" in favor of restroom or bathroom. We use "tinkle" for urination, but sometimes pee. We say BM or sometimes poop.


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## SparklyMoose (Feb 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *callmeluci*
We have always used the correct terms for body parts in our house. My husband was raised to feel uncomfortable using those terms, so I made it a point to teach our son the correct words and to be comfortable using them. However, when we are out in public, we call my son's penis "Mr. Businessman". And he calls his testicles "Associates".
That is his choice of words, not ours. He would rather we say, "please leave Mr. Businessman alone" than "please quit playing with your penis". Most people have no idea what we are talking about.

















:














:

That is the funniest thing I've heard all day.

My son's only 14 months old, so there's not really been any reason to talk about girl parts. I do refer to his penis and scrotum/testicles collectively as his "boy parts", but when he's having a bath or we're changing diapers, I'll also talk about his penis and scrotum. I don't see any reason to have a stigma about a part of his body. It's not like we go around saying, "Okay, now let's wash your bendy bits" and clean off his elbows.

When the subject comes up, we'll probably refer to girl parts as a vagina. I realize it's not technically correct, but it's the term that I'm most familiar and comfortable with. I also really don't like the sound of vulva. I just think it's an ugly word. Personal hangup, I suppose. Besides which, it's going to be a long time before my son is personally acquainted with those parts (if ever), so the distinction, to my mind, isn't necessary. When we start to talk about sex and reproduction, he'll be old enough to understand the distinction. I'm not talking about a BIG SEX TALK, as I think that it's something that should be addressed early and often. I refer to when the discussions first start.


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

I use the proper names with my boys too... an elbow is an elbow, a knee is a knee, a penis is a penis...

A teacher friend was telling me about a little girl that kept on talking about her uncle playing with her "dolly" my friend brought it up with the parents were horrified and found out that that that was the word they used instead of vulva...

I really think that it is important for kids to know the real names of their body parts....


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

we use penis, vulva, testicles / scrotum. dh sometimes jokingly refers to ds's testicles as 'balls', but dd corrects him!









i am very proud of myself. initially, it was hard for me to say 'vulva', but now i don't even blink. my mother didn't use any terms at all!

we say 'pee' for urinate, though we do use 'urine' as well.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

My extended family has always been uncomfortable with it. My cousins call their penises "birds." I don't know why. My mom keeps calling DS's penis a "willy" and I always correct her. DS has a penis, a scrotum, and a foreskin, and there's nothing wrong with that!

I had a teacher in college who told us a story about his son coming home from a friend's house and he'd learned the word penis. They always called it a "peanut." He totally flipped out on the other kid's parents.

I always get irked and correct people when they refer to testicles. I guarantee not one of them has ever seen a testicle. What they've seen is a scrotum. Rarely do you hear the words scrotum and vulva. You hear testicles and vagina.

I have a question for those who use the word yoni - what is the negative connotation with vagina? I'm not familiar with the etimology of it or why it would be preferrable to use yoni.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Question: How exactly does one pronounce "yoni" - like pony but with a "y" or like johnny?


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## Tofu the Geek (Dec 2, 2003)

Now scrotum is another word that I think is another bad sounding word. Are scrotum and testicles interchangeable? If so, testicles is a MUCH better sounding word, scrotum is just so harsh.


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

No they aren't technically interchangeable. The scrotum is the skin pouch that holds the testicles. It's what you see from the outside. You can see the testicles too usually, they look like balls inside the scrotum - hence the euphemisms "balls" and "ballsack."

Yoni is pronounced like pony with a Y.

I don't like the word Vagina for 2 reasons. First, I just have a personal objection to the word. Like someone else mentioned they don't like the sound of scrotum, I think the word vagina is harsh and vulgar. It's just a personal preference probably rooted somewhere in my childhood (and yes we used technical terms for all body parts in my family growing up).

The second is because the etymology of it offends me. Literally it means sheath. And is called that in reference to being a sheath for the penis. I'd rather think of my female genitalia as important as a beautiful part of my body and part of my mother status which is very important to my definition of self rather than as an aside to the the male sexual appetite. KWIM?

ETA: and yes I know that motherhood is intrinsically linked with sex. However I feel that the word vagina springs from a male dominated subjugation standpoint rather than from a respect for the female form.

Laura


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## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

We use the correct terms in this house but recently a friend pointed out that we probably dont say "navel" instead of belly button or "clavicle" instead of collar bone..not sure how to respond to that?


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

I don't like "yoni" because many people are not going to have a clue what your DD is talking about if she uses it with them. (Picture your child telling the average school nurse that her yoni hurts or that someone touched her yoni.)

I don't mean to get all Deep and Feminist on you here, but I do find it interesting that so many posters have no problem teaching the word "penis" but can't stand "vulva" or "vagina" and shrink away from them. What's up with that? I mean, I don't think one can REALLY argue that "vagina" is a sillier/weirder word that "penis," can one? I suspect it is because we still find female sexuality somehow unspeakable/uncomfortable/unnameable.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jokerama*
We use the correct terms in this house but recently a friend pointed out that we probably dont say "navel" instead of belly button or "clavicle" instead of collar bone..not sure how to respond to that?

collar bone amd belly button are not euphemisms, they are just lay terms, as opposed to medical terminology. they were not designed to hide anything.
and they are pretty much uniformerly used -- we do not have 50 different variations of each.


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc*

I don't mean to get all Deep and Feminist on you here, but I do find it interesting that so many posters have no problem teaching the word "penis" but can't stand "vulva" or "vagina" and shrink away from them. What's up with that? I mean, I don't think one can REALLY argue that "vagina" is a sillier/weirder word that "penis," can one? I suspect it is because we still find female sexuality somehow unspeakable/uncomfortable/unnameable.

very interesting. another thing which is interesting to me (and i am not criticising anyone, just thinking out loud) is that many are so adamant that vulva are vagina are harsh sounding and / or have negative connotations, that they are simply refusing to use them. this just perpetuates that we let others dictate how these words are used or have been used.

i've never learned the word 'vulva' until i was a teenager. i never said it out loud. i was not raised to say penis or vagina or vulva. so when i started using 'vulva' with dd, it did feel awkward to me. but guess what. now i can say vulva all i want, any time anywhere









it is all a matter of habit, and reclaiming the words as absolutely normal.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

We use vagina and penis. I have never used a cutsey term. Had I known about yoni when my almost 19 yr old was little, I might have used that.

My 8 yr old son told the Principal at his school that "vagina isnt a bad word". he went on to say that she (the principal) had one, his mom and sister did too.

A mom took me to breakfast/coffee to discuss this and Santa issues. She used Filipino terms for penis and vagina and was upset that my son (who sat next to her son and was good friends with) called them penis and vagina, and that her son was "confused" *sigh* She went on to say she wasnt ready to "go there" with either Santa or anatomical terms, and asked if I would have my boy tell her boy that Santa was real, amongst other things. Uh, I dont think so.

Anyhoo, my point is, to the OP, keep on doing what your doing and do not tell your boy not to say penis. Because it is a penis!


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annabanana*
but guess what. now i can say vulva all i want, any time anywhere










I love that word!








When my daughter was 3, she used to jump off the diving board into the pool and yell "VAGINA".


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

Quote:

She used Filipino terms for penis and vagina
We use Filipino words, too!







My mom's from the Philippines, and it's what she used when I was little, so it feels natural to use them with my 3 year old DD. But we also teach her the English words like penis and vagina.


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

I was so excited to see this thread b/c I just had a run-in with my dad over this very issue over the weekend.

DS (who is not quite 2 yet) was running around my parent's house buck naked. He was just talking aloud and saying "My penis, my penis, MY PENIS, my penis", on and on like that. My dad turns off the tv and says, "No, that's not a penis, that's your dinky." I was just stunned - I said to my dad, "No, actually it *is* his penis." To which my dad told DS again, "That's your dinky." Argh! I just was aghast - then my dad looks at me and says "Don't you know how embarassing it is when little kids run around saying _those_ kind of words?"

It's funny b/c DH and I had just talked about this very subject last week too - DH brought it up. He said something about how glad he was that we were using the correct terms for our genetalia with DS (although I use the word vagina b/c that's where the baby is going to come from, so for now, it's the best word for us) and that he hated all those stupid cutesy names.









So, I just was wanting to air my frustration. My mom, the next day, asked me if I was mad at my dad and I said that no, I wasn't, I just didn't appreciate him overriding me like that and I didn't care if he was embarassed or not, we were going to use those words. He'd just have to deal with it. To which she said something about how hard it must be to have such old fashioned parents...

Anyway, back on topic - I don't mind either penis or vagina and would prefer to use yoni, but I agree w/ someone else that it's just too goddessey/new agey for me. I completely understand and actually agree w/ the reasoning behind using it, I just don't feel comfortable with it myself. So, if I'm uncomfortable, some of that comes through, YK? I think scrotum is also underused, but already DS has seen testicles - not human ones, but of the bovine variety, so in our house, that word is fair game too.

I was glad to read all the different responses - great thread!


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## mollyeilis (Mar 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane*
I always get irked and correct people when they refer to testicles. I guarantee not one of them has ever seen a testicle. What they've seen is a scrotum.

I try to use both words properly. But really, to a guy who has just slammed into a bicycle bar, even if he hasn't SEEN a testicle, it's those that he's worried about, not just the skin that holds them.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

I always get irked and correct people when they refer to testicles. I guarantee not one of them has ever seen a testicle. What they've seen is a scrotum.
I am guilty of this. When it first came up with ds1, I taught him "testicles." I honellty had just never thought about the difference between scrotum and testicles. As soon as dh heard it, he explained the difference to me, and I tried to correct ds, but he was stuck on testicles. So I figured we'd just save it for later.

Yet another example of how poorly we educate ourselves about the human body.


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## LadyMarmalade (May 22, 2005)

We use the words penis and testes. We've never had a problem with anybody raising eyebrows (and believe me, my kids have said some loud things about their precious possessions in public).


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## MotheringHeart (Dec 18, 2005)

We use the correct terms for these things also. But one time, in the very beginning, when DD #1 was the only one, she was asking questions about what parts boys have and I (because I couldn't remember the proper name said) "boys have a penis and....uh....a sack"







DH said - If you are going to say the right names for everything else then you should call it a scrotum.









That being said, we do call them penis, scrotum, vulva etc in our house. In fact, I just got my first PPAF and so there have been LOTS of questions about where the tampon goes and how come it doesn't fall out. I am sure that being open with them now, will help them be comfortable with their bodies later and (I believe) less likely to take risks with their sexual behavior later in order to figure it out. And I believe it is important to not make our bodies into something secret and shameful, that just causes more problems in the long run.

ETA: One day DS was singing a song (DH wasn't home yet so it was just him and DDs and me) "all of these people have vaginas, all of these people have vaginas and I have a penis."







I love how honest they are!!!!


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FrozenMommy*
As a kindergarden teacher I was always amused by how many parents were *afraid* for their kids to know the real words to their OWN body parts...! Kudos to you for teaching your son the actual name. I never understood why it's wrong to call a penis a penis?? That's what it is!!
I think (like so many other things) it can be traced back to America's horror of being up front about sex and anything vaguely related to sex.

your last line pretty much hit the nail on the head.

i myself wouldnt mind saying it to the kids such as dont forget to wash your vulva, so that it doesnt hurt later, or dont forget to wipe your penis etc.

but since i myself am a nanny and even tho im close to the kids unlees they themselves say it alot, and get conformation from the parents i usually go for words like pee pee(girls ) wee wee (boys) just to be on the safe side and not get parents the wrong idea, since it is said that most child abusers etc. give words to kids that they ddint know about before. which is SOOO sad how these sick creatins do this.









yeah i know i know im a yutz









yet i also percice that in one of my cultrues(south asian, im also alittle bit of others as well but primarily that) it is percived that children should be "children" ie innocent, sweet etc. your typical sterotypes, yet further that they dont know nothing :eyeroll even at 10 :eyeroll

that when they say those words that is a OMG OMG EEEEEEVVVIIIILL!!!

:eyeroll.

if anyone here can also help me, on how to tell my five year old charge that she needs to clean her vulva(vagina) when she takes a bath or after she goes to the bathroom because other wise she might get an infection and it might hurt, in a non OMG type way id REALLY appreciate it.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

SK - Have you asked the parents what terms they use? Maybe that would help for consistency. Heck at age 5 you can ask the girl what her mother calls "that part."

So - as an aside, we drove through Kansas City last week and passed a billboard for the Testicle Festival! Apparently this has something to do with cattle or pigs or livestock; it flew by too quickly and that was all I had time to shout to DH.


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## FroNuff (Apr 3, 2003)

I suppose people here would feel sorry for my kids since I have not yet told them the proper names for their genitals.







:

We aren't using cutesy names -- in fact, I think it's silly to use them -- but just use the generic term "girl parts". My DH and I do intend on teaching our girls the proper names, but most likely at age 4 or so (they are 2 & 3 now). We don't intend for them to go throughout life thinking their vulvas are wee-wees or winkies, or whatever the heck folks call them.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

I don't really want to teach "vagina" as the generic word for "stuff between a girl's legs," but y'know, given that most people who do use "correct" words use vagina and not vulva and frankly might not even know what vulva *is*...

I've taught her the right words (she's almost 3) but we use "pudenda" to refer to all external genitalia.

I thought it just meant "dangly bits" in Latin, but after I'd already used it a few times and she'd started using 'Denda herself... I looked it up and it actually means "dirty bits." So - I"m using a medieval monk euphamism rather than a modern american one









But yeah, I've taught her that her vagina is *part* of the stuff down there. Her brother learned penis from a very early age and more recently learned "testicles." ("Hey, what's this? THere's like a little ball in there! It moves when I squish it! If you cut the skin, would it roll out and bounce away? Cool!")


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lady Madonna*
We use the proper words, for the most part.

I do have a question: when DD asks where her pee comes from, what do you tell her? Do you say "your urethra" or "your vulva"? My DD knows pee comes from a boy's penis, but saying that pee comes from her vulva doesn't seem quite technically ... right. But I'm a little worried about confusing her with yet another body part that she can't really see! Any advice?


We explained that she is a three-hole person: she has a urethra (a pee hole), a vagina (a baby hole) and an anus (a butthole). I don't use "vulva," but I do get specific about separate areas of the vulva: labia, vagina, etc.


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## Dawn38 (May 14, 2006)

We use penis and vagina also. My sister taught her sons to call there penis a peebug.








I laughed when I heard them call it that.


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## soybeansmama (Jan 26, 2006)

I am glad I stumbled accross this thread because my neighbor and I just recently had a discussion about this. She insists on calling her 3 years old daughters vulva her KITTY which I find completely offensive. Our kids bathe together sometimes and My son knows proper terms and when he pointed out that she had a vulva, her mom got a little irked...









I had a hard time understanding why it was more offensive than calling her toddlers parts a baby version of p*ssy. she also refers to BF as GETTIN' TITTY...something else that I find a bit offensive. Maybe I am just over-sensitive to those things.

It is funny when my son gets penis and anus mixed up. I was buzzing his hair and he asked if I was going to shave his anus like daddy does...


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## Bekka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jokerama*
We use the correct terms in this house but recently a friend pointed out that we probably dont say "navel" instead of belly button or "clavicle" instead of collar bone..not sure how to respond to that?

The thing is, there aren't any "lay terms" (as a PP pointed out) that don't have layers of meaning applied, either positively or negatively, forming sexual innuendo. It's really hard when what you want is a word like "arm" for "penis" or "vulva", which are clinical (and therefore ugly sounding) words. I mean, we could spend all day naming our patella (knee cap), umbilicus, tibia and fibula, but shin bone and calf bone are more understood generally.

So we're stuck with clinical words because any casual words I can think are too euphemistic or too negative.


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## Lara vanAEsir (May 24, 2006)




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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

My parents never told me ANY names for genitals. The only words I learned were slang from other kids. I did not learn the correct terms until I was an adult. Very embarrasing, in my experience, not to know the terms for parts of your own body. I once heard my mom refer to a penis as "his thing". That is very sad.

My mission is to teach my dd correct/understandable names for body parts/functions and that there is nothing dirty or shameful about the words or parts. If she later chooses to use slang that is up to her. Usually talk about genitals, reminders to wipe, etc are handled fairly privately though because it just isn't really polite, IMO, to blurt it out with others present.


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## elanorh (Feb 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
So - as an aside, we drove through Kansas City last week and passed a billboard for the Testicle Festival! Apparently this has something to do with cattle or pigs or livestock; it flew by too quickly and that was all I had time to shout to DH.

Testicle Festivals or Rocky Mountain Oyster Festivals - where they batter and fry the testes of calves after brandings. Just in case you're ever offered Rocky Mountain Oysters. uke (I grew up around them but never mustered the courage to try them)

We are using the actual terms in our house. For the standard reasons -- first, it's their bodies and I don't see any reason to make up words for normal body parts (don't want to teach them that their genitalia are somehow dirty or something to be embarrassed about); also my sister works for her diocese as a child molestation prevention program and really emphasizes that proper terms are good for helping prevent child molestation (so the child can describe what is happening or being proposed etc. and I'd imagine, also the child is less likely to think that they have to "hide" what the molester has proposed, and will instead tell parents?).

I do think that some people for some reason assume that knowing the "proper" names means that a child has been exposed to inappropriate sexual things (read: molestation type stuff, porn, etc.) despite the fact that proper terms aren't typically used there (I'm assuming). And a lot of people are so uncomfortable with sex (even though it permeates so much of our culture







) that they use the cutesy terms themselves, and the cycle repeats.

Ina calls her genitalia in general her "privates" and she knows no one is supposed to touch them (except mom and dad, she's too young to clean well herself yet







) -- but she knows about "penis" and "vulva," and that when she is bigger she'll have pubic hair too. Speaking of ugly words, I've always thought PUBIC was an ugly, ugly sounding word. I suppose Ina could embarrass me some day by yelling about her vulva or labia or something in public -- but honestly, in that same context, I think a lot of people can figure out what 'hee-haws" are supposed to be, too.

She does know about nipples and breasts, but uses "nee-nees" interchangeably with that, because she called nursing that when she was little and we still use that word, too. I think she understands that "nee-nees" are above and beyond the standard body part alone though.

In terms of bathroom - we use pee-pee and poop, although we also use "bathroom" and "potty." When she's older, and not in need of potty training assistance, I hope she uses "bathrooms" instead of "potties." (FIL still calls it the "potty" which I think is funny in a 60+ year old man).

In an exercise for a class I taught on diversity (for RA candidates), we had students list off all the words they could think of for male parts and for female parts. It was amazing the differences in tone etc. for the words (and how uncomfortable many students were with the whole event). So many of the male "terms" were about size/power/strength, and so many of the female "terms" were really either considered very dirty, or else were subjugatory in tone.


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## Earthiemama (Nov 6, 2005)

We have always used the "proper" names for genitals but even so it can make you cringe some days. We were out at the park with our dogs a few weeks back and there was Great Dane there too. Well my son in his loudest voice says "Those are the biggest testicles I have ever seen mama! He must have a big tongue too!!" Of course everyone just stared, wide eyed. So in my most most matter of fact voice I said 'Why is that honey?" "Well to clean them" You sure would need a big tongue to ckean those testicles!" the crowd starts cracking up. and he is looking at me saying why are they laughing?? of course it probably would have been worse if he used some cutesier name....


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Earthiemama*
We have always used the "proper" names for genitals but even so it can make you cringe some days. We were out at the park with our dogs a few weeks back and there was Great Dane there too. Well my son in his loudest voice says "Those are the biggest testicles I have ever seen mama! He must have a big tongue too!!" Of course everyone just stared, wide eyed. So in my most most matter of fact voice I said 'Why is that honey?" "Well to clean them" You sure would need a big tongue to ckean those testicles!" the crowd starts cracking up. and he is looking at me saying why are they laughing?? of course it probably would have been worse if he used some cutesier name....


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## familylove (Mar 14, 2006)

This is a very informative, yet hilarious, thread!







: For example, I had no idea I should be referring to my external "area" as my vulva. (My mom refused to say anything about ANY part and it really disturbs her to hear DS talk about his penis.)

In our house, we use the proper terms. However, when I'm feeling like a smart alec I will tell DS that his scrotum (another term I was misusing) is/are his nuts.

The other day, DS and I were taking a shower. I was rinsing off when he pointed to my nipples and earnestly said, "You just rinsed off your knuckles."


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## Castle (Aug 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mollyeilis*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane*
I always get irked and correct people when they refer to testicles. I guarantee not one of them has ever seen a testicle. What they've seen is a scrotum.


I try to use both words properly. But really, to a guy who has just slammed into a bicycle bar, even if he hasn't SEEN a testicle, it's those that he's worried about, not just the skin that holds them.









: I don't see the problem with calling what's under the penis "testicles". I mean, when I point to my abdomen, I call it my stomach, even though my stomach is really an organ on the inside that you can't see.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

I've got big hang-ups with the word penis which I am getting over for the sake of my boys. Yes I use it matter of factly with my stomach in knots! I didn't know what a vulva was until I was pg with my 1st - I had to look it up in the dictionary







I totally agree with using proper names for genitals. I would like my kids to not have the hangups that I do!


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

I am shocked that so many adults don't know the word vulva and the difference between vulva and vagina, or testicles and scrotum!!! My mother taught me vulva and vagina as a kid, and my son has known both since 2. Not to mention, we had to write in the names of male and female external and internal reproductive organs in 5th grade sex ed.


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## Proudly AP (Jul 12, 2003)

penis and vulva are the names around here. a child saying to a pedophile, 'don't touch my penis/vagina' can deter them, as it is evident that those body parts aren't treated as not to be talked about. a police officer told me this and it simply solidified my belief in using the correct terms.


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## BohoMama (Jun 26, 2003)

Where are the alternative-healing mamas???????

So many write in that they teach the "actual" "proper" or "correct" words for their childrens' genitals; i.e., the Latin terms. For how many of you is Latin a household language? If you live in Vatican City, you are probably celibate men or Swiss guards.

The way I see it, the emphatic use of Latin only exaggerates the medical worldview and (allopathic) doctors' prestige. Like we need that!

That isn't to say, however, that these words shouldn't be taught, or even that I am embarrassed by them. It's that to me, they don't seem like the best choice for daily household use.

**********************************************
We are bi-lingual English and Czech. I did try to teach Andrej "penis" and also "pind'our," a colloquial Czech word that is used by both men and boys. He wasn't having it, though, and insisted in both languages that what he has is a "peanut." He came up with this himself, because he is not in contact with other English-speaking children other than on visits to the US. I HAVE sometimes insisted in the bath that he repeat "penis" and "testicles" after me so that he will never find himself in a situation where he can't communicate with an English-speaking doctor or a judge. (Hopefully he will not meet any who use too-esoteric euphemisms like "associates"!) However, for his own reasons (he is 3 3/4) he will not use these words himself.

So far, we have been using the Czech word Julina (YOOlina) to describe "female parts." It's actual meaning is "Little Julia," though nobody can tell me who Julia is







It sounds affectionate, and is neither vulgar nor clinical. Going a little off-topic here, we've had to modify our "where do babies come from" talks, because both of my children were born by C-section. "Why do you have that boo-boo, Mama"? "That is where the doctor took you and Amadea out of my belly. Usually babies come out from their mama's Julina, but unfortunately I couldn't do it that way...."

I think when we get into more advanced topics in female anatomy with Andrej and when Amadea starts to need information, I will use the "3-hole" definition, and let her Julina also be a yoni.

********************
I remember reading somewhere that besides "sheath," vagina also has an etymology suggesting the damp, underground, vaulted passageways (which they resemble) that were the haunting/hunting grounds of Roman whores. It may have been in The Natural History of the Senses. I don't have the book here, if somebody else is interested they could follow this up.

Penis means "tail" in Latin - also a euphemism. I wonder what word Roman mamas were ashamed to say, or what _their_ doctors referred to?
************************************************

A last thought on someone's post suggesting that "Little Jimmy's" mama should do him the "macho favor" of saying Big Jimmy - who does it sound like is in charge if the member is big and rest of the boy is therefore little?


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## momileigh (Oct 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *soybeansmama*
I had a hard time understanding why it was more offensive than calling her toddlers parts a baby version of p*ssy. she also refers to BF as GETTIN' TITTY...something else that I find a bit offensive. Maybe I am just over-sensitive to those things.

Recently, my baby was crawling on the floor and suddenly started crying, so I picked her up and was getting ready to nurse her, when a little boy, about 4 years old, ran up and started excitedly telling me, "Give 'em titty, give 'em titty!"

I was a little shellshocked at that... not sure if it was the verbage or the parenting advice from a preschooler...


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## Sijae (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momileigh*
Recently, my baby was crawling on the floor and suddenly started crying, so I picked her up and was getting ready to nurse her, when a little boy, about 4 years old, ran up and started excitedly telling me, "Give 'em titty, give 'em titty!"

I was a little shellshocked at that... not sure if it was the verbage or the parenting advice from a preschooler...

While that's not a term I would use







it's fun to see little kids who know how babies are supposed to be fed









Laura


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## Tinas3muskateers (May 19, 2004)

I will never see the logic in that... its a penis. Call it what it is lol


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## Charles Baudelaire (Apr 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BohoMama*
A last thought on someone's post suggesting that "Little Jimmy's" mama should do him the "macho favor" of saying Big Jimmy - who does it sound like is in charge if the member is big and rest of the boy is therefore little?

The one who'll be in charge 'till Little Jimmy needs Viagra!


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## autumn_faune (Jun 15, 2005)

We use vulva so far- just "when we go potty we wipe our vulvas". Although lately Gracie (19 months) has really gotten into find and point- mama vulva, gracie vulva, puppy vulva... penis is going to be learned probably when she does the point and says dada vuh vuh







)
First time he ever heard her say it... too hilarious! He took her potty (he doesn't do that much) and forgot to give her the toilet paper after. then he came out of the bathroom to me with big eyes and a white face and said: "she's in there saying "vulva vulva!







" me, as calm as can be- oh yeah, she means she needs to wipe her vulva after she potties.

His family is very up-tight and although he knows I'm teaching correct anatomy and agrees in theory... he freaks.

- side note: calf fries/rocky mountain oysters are one of her and our favorite treats!


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sijae*
We use the word penis of course but I personally HATE the word vagina. I always have and the origins of the word offends me. Not because I think talking about that part of the body is dirty, but because I don't like the word. So in our house we use Penis and Yoni. It works for us. I can see the argument about molestation but I just can't bring myself to use that word.

Laura









: same here. When my mom told me I had a vagina when I was a kid, I always felt weird about it. I didn't like it for some reason.

I've also told my grrls that it's their "private space", and they are into this whole yoni flashing thing these days







:


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I think it's kind of like proper grammar -- we may know that "for whom" or "under which" is the technically correct phrasing in certain cases, but it sounds stilted, so many of us knowingly dangle prepositions in speech. No big deal. People don't have to speak perfectly and use completely proper/technical terminology if they don't want to -- part of the beauty of language is its constant evolution, and how common usage can actually alter definitions and expand the language. A few years ago, "Google" was a noun describing the internet search engine, and now it's more commonly used as a verb (to Google someone/something), simply because people started using it that way.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bekka*
We're stuck with clinical words because any casual words I can think are too euphemistic or too negative.

I totally agree. For most other body parts, there is a step-down progression from Scientific Term >> Lay Term >> Colloquial/Euphemistic Term. For example:

Ocular organ >> eyeball >> peepers, baby-blues, etc.
Myocardium >> heart >> thumper, ticker, etc.
Oral cavity >> mouth >> kisser, smacker, piehole, etc.
Cranium >> head >> noggin, noodle, etc.
Olfactory organ >> nose >> schnoz, sniffer, etc.

However, for some body parts, including the genitalia, there is no intermediate term -- there are just scientific terms and euphemistic terms. Some people who may be perfectly comfortable with sexuality and having their children know accurate names for their anatomy just may feel stilted using technical terminology in everyday speech (like how most people don't use the scientific terms in the list above). Since there's no "accepted" lay alternative, you end up with people calling the genitals all sorts of euphemistic names instead.

In our house, we vacillate between penis and pee-pee depending on who's around, what the context is, and what mood I'm in at the time. I also will use words like tummy, kisser, and noggin from time to time -- I think it's okay for my DS to know that there are multiple names for body parts, some accurate and some silly, and he can pick which names to use when.


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## HappyNewMama (Jul 12, 2003)

:
limabean, I think you hit the nail on the head!


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