# Would you let your son play high school field hockey?



## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

I am not a mom, but I am looking for some advice from parents and so thought this would be a good place to ask.

My cousin moved to the US from the UK just a few weeks ago. He has played field hockey over there for 3-4 years now and even played for his school. He wants to continue playing but found that in his HS there is only a girl's team. In fact even though the US has a men's olympic team, field hockey is only usually offered to girls at the HS level.

He approached the coach about whether there were other clubs in the area - none, or none that were open to boys, and found out that under Title IX in PA he can play on the girl's HS team since there is no alternative team available, although as I understand it now the school district has to actually approve this too. But she then told him that if he was to play on the team he'd have to wear the same uniform as the girl's which includes a hockey skirt.

When I first heard this I thought it was a joke or must be wrong. But he told me that is what the coach had told him. Then I started to look around on Google and saw it was true, not just in one or two cases, but in almost all cases where boys play on the HS teams. This is true for MA too it seems. And the more I dug around the more I found quite a few examples of this and not just hearsay, but youtube video, press articles, even pictures of teams with boys on them in the same uniform as the girls.

So my question to the parents/mom's here is would you let your HS age son play field hockey if it meant that he had to play in a kilt/skirt, and in some cases it is a skirt, not a kilt. Would you let him make up his own mind, or advice against it, or even put your foot down and say no maybe for his own good?

My cousin is making his own decisions at the moment and has just had a first practice session with the team. He also was given his uniform which is a sleeveless top/vest, white flat seam skirt with front and back darts and yellow panels at front and back and yellow knee socks. He doesn't have to wear the uniform for practice, but he does on any match days where he has to attend with the rest of the team whether he plays or not.

Should I try and get him to rethink this or do you think it's not such a big deal?


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## Cavy (Aug 21, 2009)

Yes I would let him.

I think that he's perfectly old enough to know what schtick he'll be in for.

A boy who is confident enough to take that on must have the confidence of an elephant and will go far.

FWIW, I live in the UK; the culture here is very mocking; people take the P out of themselves, the government, English culture, and every other culture: a self-deprecating sense of humour is an English trademark. So the lad is not going to be naive about the teasing he might get, he just thinks he's tough enough to take it, deflect and make it work for him. The novelty will wear off for those who would ridicule, anyway. After that, in the long run, he'll be regularly in contact with lots of sweaty, friendly and excited pretty girls when most his male buddies are struggling to get looked at never mind touched by even the most pimply girl in the year -- what a canny young man your cousin's son is!!

My 9yo son loves field hockey, too, btw.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Hi, I played field Hockey in middle and high school and we had a boy on our team for all the years I played. He wore the kilt with a pair of blue (our schools color) shorts underneath just as we wore bloomers under the kilt.

I guess I don't see what the good would be in stopping him from playing? Is it going to harm him somehow to wear a kilt?
We also had a girl who played football and she wore the exact same uniform that the boys wore.
It certainly wasn't a scandal to anyone.
I guess I don't understand where you think the problem is?


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

When I was a sophomore in high school, there was a middle school boy who played field hockey. When he entered high school in ninth grade, he signed up to play on the high school team. That should have been the end of it, right?

Well, coaches and parents from other schools that competed against his school (not my school --- I went to a different high school) protested stating that he was a boy and should not be allowed to play on a girls' team. It's not in the spirit of Title IX and he could very well be a "ringer," despite playing field hockey for three years in middle school!

The school board sided with the protesters, and he wasn't allowed to play. I was appalled and horrified by this decision.

I hope it doesn't go that way for your cousin, and I recommend that he have an advocate and that it's perhaps phrased as a cultural situation if anyone does protest --- that field hockey is played by men in the rest of the world, etc.

I hope he gets to play if that is what he wants.


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## mystiquesmom (May 20, 2008)

If that's what he wants to do, I see no reason to stop him.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
I guess I don't understand where you think the problem is?

Well to me it seemed like on the one hand they say yes you can play, but then they add, but you have to wear a skirt/kilt to do it. In my cousin's case it really is a hockey skirt, nothing remotely kilt like about it. Girl's wear skirts and shorts. Guys don't wear skirts. So a girl playing on a soccer team is no big deal for her, but for a guy on a field hockey team I would think it is. I guess I just don't see why it has to be that way, why they can't wear shorts for example.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Well, first, they are kilts. Secondly, when I went to fieldhockey camp in highschool, our male coaches wore kilts. So no big deal there. If he's comfortable doing so, than I'd support him.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
Well to me it seemed like on the one hand they say yes you can play, but then they add, but you have to wear a skirt/kilt to do it. In my cousin's case it really is a hockey skirt, nothing remotely kilt like about it. Girl's wear skirts and shorts. Guys don't wear skirts. So a girl playing on a soccer team is no big deal for her, but for a guy on a field hockey team I would think it is. I guess I just don't see why it has to be that way, why they can't wear shorts for example.

Missed this. We wore kilts in highschool, not skirts, but it sounds like it's different there. Maybe he can get a kilt in the school colors.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

ahhh thanks for clearing that up. I can't answer the why but what I experienced was that they just wanted everyone to wear the same uniform. Isn't it silly though. the guy we played with didn't care at all. I find it amusing how few people in this country realize that in the rest of the world field hockey is predominantly a male sport.
My best friend went to spain and she was an avid field hockey player, she didn't find a single league with a woman on the team. She was the first woman on her league team ever. The men all found it very amusing that in the US it is primarily a female sport.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
ahhh thanks for clearing that up. I can't answer the why but what I experienced was that they just wanted everyone to wear the same uniform. Isn't it silly though. the guy we played with didn't care at all. I find it amusing how few people in this country realize that in the rest of the world field hockey is predominantly a male sport.
My best friend went to spain and she was an avid field hockey player, she didn't find a single league with a woman on the team. She was the first woman on her league team ever. The men all found it very amusing that in the US it is primarily a female sport.

The rules are a little different in girls field hockey, so he may have to be a bit careful. It's not quite as rough as men's field hockey, at least not in this country. I saw men play once, and I think I'd probably have been crushed!


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueenOfTheMeadow* 
Missed this. We wore kilts in highschool, not skirts, but it sounds like it's different there. Maybe he can get a kilt in the school colors.

That's the thing. It has to be the same uniform like Ldavis24 said below, so the coach has told him the uniform isn't negotiable. It's a skirt, not a wrap like a kilt.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
ahhh thanks for clearing that up. I can't answer the why but what I experienced was that they just wanted everyone to wear the same uniform. Isn't it silly though. the guy we played with didn't care at all. I find it amusing how few people in this country realize that in the rest of the world field hockey is predominantly a male sport.
My best friend went to spain and she was an avid field hockey player, she didn't find a single league with a woman on the team. She was the first woman on her league team ever. The men all found it very amusing that in the US it is primarily a female sport.

Yes, my cousin was shocked when he found out that not only was it not that popular with guys, but it was actually considered an exclusively girl's sport in school. He thinks guys are missing out on a good sport though.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
That's the thing. It has to be the same uniform like Ldavis24 said below, so the coach has told him the uniform isn't negotiable. It's a skirt, not a wrap like a kilt.

I htink he needs to go to the school district. This seems to be bullying on the part of the coach to make it uncomfortable to play. Male cheerleaders are not required to wear skirts. I don't see the issue with male and female team members wearing different uniforms.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

I personally think the coach is being an arse and doing what ever she can to not have a guy on the team. I did a quick check of uniforms for fieldhockey. Much of what I saw for girls were very efiminant definantly not a Kilt.

There are some kilts/skits that are gender nutrual, I think the team should move to that or more utilitary shorts.

I have to agree with QueenoftheMeadow they don't make guys were chearleading skirts. With most dancing/flag troops the make modifications. I also looked at female wrestlers. They have t-shirts. Some having slighting different uniforms that the guys because the male suit doesn't work with the female body.


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## SimonMom (May 19, 2004)

Yes I think you should let him! You seem to be the one most upset about the skirt. If he doesn't care, why do you?


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueenOfTheMeadow* 
I htink he needs to go to the school district. This seems to be bullying on the part of the coach to make it uncomfortable to play. Male cheerleaders are not required to wear skirts. I don't see the issue with male and female team members wearing different uniforms.

Actually it is the district who makes these rules!!!

I have actually been 'debating' this on a field hockey forum and they weren't a sympathetic bunch for the most part and totally defended this policy.

By the way, it's funny you mention cheerleading because that was an example I used. Their argument is that cheerleading is co-ed and so males and females can wear different outfits. But if a girl plays a boy sport she has to wear the male uniform, so if a boy plays a female sport he has to wear the female uniform. That's about the rub of it. And since field hockey is listed as a girl's sport and is one of the few sports really when you think about it where girls even wear skirts, that they use that and the "it has to be the same" argument.

This is why I posted here. Because these issues are at the moment almost impossible to fight or change. It is more, should he go with it or not do it? When I did some looking around on Google, this has been the situation for about 20 years, both in MA and PA anyway. In fact someone said (but I think it was a misunderstanding) that MA even had written into the rules that a kilt or skirt was part of the uniform. PA does not say this - the team can wear shorts if the whole team agree on this, but no one wants to change for one person either.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
I personally think the coach is being an arse and doing what ever she can to not have a guy on the team. I did a quick check of uniforms for fieldhockey. Much of what I saw for girls were very efiminant definantly not a Kilt.

There are some kilts/skits that are gender nutrual, I think the team should move to that or more utilitary shorts.

I have to agree with QueenoftheMeadow they don't make guys were chearleading skirts. With most dancing/flag troops the make modifications. I also looked at female wrestlers. They have t-shirts. Some having slighting different uniforms that the guys because the male suit doesn't work with the female body.

Doing a quick search this was sort of what the skirt is shaped like, except that it has front and back darts. The color is white with a yellow front and back panel. If I can take and post a photo later I will.

http://www.midwestsports.com/images/500/1001441-600.jpg


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

While I agree that he's being bullied by the coach, if he's up for the challenge I see no reason to dissuade him.

Three cheers for him!

-Angela


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Good for him!! I agree, his self confidence must be amazing. Not only would I let him do it, I'd encourage him to recruit other boys to play as well. Who knows, he could get a boys league started if he put his mind to it.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

If he wants to play, and isn't discouraged by the coach, the uniform, or anything else that other people say or do...then he should play.

There is a lovely, funny story about a boy on a girls' field hockey team from Stuart McLean of _The Vinyl Cafe_ on CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) Radio. I couldn't find that specific story on-line, although I know I've heard it on CD. The books and CD's with collections of the stories are available on-line here.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

I played volleyball when I was in high school and the rules for all high school team sports were very specific regarding uniforms - everyone on the team had to wear matching uniforms, no ifs ands or buts about it, no exceptions given. If he has no problem wearing the uniform let it drop and focus your energy instead on cheering for him at games.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
There are some kilts/skits that are gender nutrual, I think the team should move to that or more utilitary shorts.

Uniforms are expensive and most school districts do not provide money for new uniforms very often. When we wanted new warmups and there was not money provided from the district we had to raise the money ourselves.


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## JL83 (Aug 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
While I agree that he's being bullied by the coach, if he's up for the challenge I see no reason to dissuade him.

Three cheers for him!

-Angela

Actually he's not being "bullied" by the coach. The coach has NO power over the decision.

If the coach wanted to bully him he'd make him go to all the practices in the skirt or run laps after school in the skirt.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

My son? If we could afford the fees, and he had room in his schedule, it would be his decision. I don't tell him what clothes to wear (or not wear) or what sports he can participate in. If he were willing to face the crap he'd have to deal with to play field hockey, then I'd have to assume playing field hockey was really important to him, yk? This kind of thing is huge with me. I'm not raising my kids to think that other people's perceptions of them matter more than their own.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JL83* 
Actually he's not being "bullied" by the coach. The coach has NO power over the decision.

If the coach wanted to bully him he'd make him go to all the practices in the skirt or run laps after school in the skirt.









: I don't think funds are usually loose enough in schools to redo uniforms because of one player, and the whole idea of a team uniform is for everyone on the team to look the same.









So long as he can wear shorts under the skirt, and he is willing to wear the uniform for games, I say let him play and forget what anyone else thinks.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I rememeber a boy playing field hockey when I was in jr high or high school, and yeah he had to wear the skirt.

if the kids wants to play, I would be all for it.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Just an interesting note: my son plays Little League base ball. Every year there are a few girls on the teams. Official Little League rules say the girls have to wear cups, just like the boys.

Now, whether the coach will actually check if the girl is wearing a cup? That's another matter. I think most coaches do not, and you run the risk of seeming like a chauvinistic bully to the parents if you insist.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
I played volleyball when I was in high school and the rules for all high school team sports were very specific regarding uniforms - everyone on the team had to wear matching uniforms, no ifs ands or buts about it, no exceptions given. If he has no problem wearing the uniform let it drop and focus your energy instead on cheering for him at games.

I played (and now coach) volleyball and they are pretty strict about the uniform rules. I have seen exceptions made for religious reasons. A player from a very conservative church was allowed to wear long shorts over her uniform spandex.

My sister also plays adult co-ed volleyball and the girls wear spandex while the guys wear shorts, the game seems to go on just fine









Would it be possible to claim that dressing in girl's clothing is against his religion and petition to be allowed to purchase a kilt in the same colors from the same company the girls' uniforms are from?

Otherwise, I would say let him decide and if he is ok with wearing the skirt then I'd let him.


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

Let him play. For one this is your NEPHEW, not your child so I dont get why this is a problem. It in no way directly effects you. Now if the childs parent has issue with it the parent needs to speak up. It doesnt sound like the parent has issue nor the child has issue with the uniform.
He wants to play, let it go.


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

It sounds to me like this is your problem, not your nephews. Its been explained to him what would be required in the skirt-wearing department and he seems to be ok with it. I'm sure he understands that there are people who will make fun of him or be mean to him because he wears a skirt, and he's decided he can handle that.

What sort of message are you sending to him if you tell him that he shouldn't play because you don't approve of the uniform? Sure, alot of guys would refuse to do it. But your nephew loves field hockey and has made his decision. I think you should support him in that, and not say a word about the skirt.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cavy* 
Yes I would let him.

I think that he's perfectly old enough to know what schtick he'll be in for.

agreed


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

I am surprised reading some of the comments. There's hardly a guy I have talked to about this that doesn't feel some degree of outrage over this, but on the hockey forum and here most women not only support it, but point out that it's me that seems to have the problem. I am just surprised that as many people support the idea of a HS basically saying to a boy that he can play in a sport but only if he wears a skirt.

I guess I do have a problem with it. I just don't see why boys have to be embarrassed in order to play field hockey. It's like the rule has been put there to deter boys from playing on the girl's team. It's not so much that I even think about his team mates, but more other boys in his school etc who could tease and bully him.

The reason I care btw and he is with us and my mom is because his mom in the UK is trying to get her life back together again (drugs) and we don't even know if she will ever be fit to take him back. So he feels more like an adoptive younger brother to me.

I wasn't able to make the game today and my mom who went and my cousin aren't back yet so I don't know how it went.

I don't send him a message by the way on this. In fact I am trying to be as supportive as I can, but I have told him I don't think it's right that he should have to wear the skirt too.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
I am just surprised that as many people support the idea of a HS basically saying to a boy that he can play in a sport but only if he wears a skirt.


But it isn't a skirt, it is the team uniform. If he wants to play on the team he has to wear the uniform. What if a girl wanted to play on the football team and said that she didn't like the pants or oversized jersey - should they change the team uniform to make her happy?

Your nephew made his choice - leave it be and support him. I applaud him for not letting a skirt stand in the way of his dream.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
But it isn't a skirt, it is the team uniform.

That doesn't make sense. Just because the skirt is part of the team uniform and the team uniform actually says to wear the skirt, doesn't make it any less of a skirt.

I get the comparison you are making but I just think there is a larger social stigma over a boy wearing a skirt than there is a girl wearing an oversized football shirt.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
That doesn't make sense. Just because the skirt is part of the team uniform and the team uniform actually says to wear the skirt, doesn't make it any less of a skirt.

I get the comparison you are making but I just think there is a larger social stigma over a boy wearing a skirt than there is a girl wearing an oversized football shirt.

I should have said "It isn't JUST a skirt..."

He has the choice to not play on the team but he has chosen otherwise. Obviously the social stigma is not a concern to him. What if a girl on the team was uncomfortable wearing a skirt - should she also be allowed an alternate uniform?


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
I am surprised reading some of the comments. There's hardly a guy I have talked to about this that doesn't feel some degree of outrage over this, but on the hockey forum and here most women not only support it, but point out that it's me that seems to have the problem. I am just surprised that as many people support the idea of a HS basically saying to a boy that he can play in a sport but only if he wears a skirt.

I don't support it. It's not socially acceptable for boys to wear skirts, which does make it a bit outrageous that a boy has to wear a skirt to play a sport. (I don't think there _should_ be social issues over a boy wearing a skirt, but that's not the issue at hand.) But, that wasn't the question. The question was whether or not I'd let my son play. If my son wanted to play, despite the skirt, then I'd let him play.

Quote:

I guess I do have a problem with it. I just don't see why boys have to be embarrassed in order to play field hockey. It's like the rule has been put there to deter boys from playing on the girl's team. It's not so much that I even think about his team mates, but more other boys in his school etc who could tease and bully him.
There are _always_ people who could tease and bully. My son avoided gymnastics for his first year of high school, because he didn't want to wear the spandex longs. They're the uniform. He finally decided he wanted to do gymnastics more than he wanted to avoid skintight pants. Either way, it was his decision to make, not mine.

And, I doubt the rule has been put there to deter boys from playing on the girl's team. The uniform was probably put in place without it even crossing anyone's mind that a boy would _want_ to play field hockey. It won't be changed until and unless there's a major reason to change it. New uniform designs aren't cheap. If enough boys started wanting to play to seriously justify the cost, then they'd probably start fielding field hockey teams for boys, yk?

I don't like the rule. I do think it's potentially humiliating. But, I also think the decision has to be left with the person who will potentially be humiliated.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
I guess I do have a problem with it. I just don't see why boys have to be embarrassed in order to play field hockey. It's like the rule has been put there to deter boys from playing on the girl's team. It's not so much that I even think about his team mates, but more other boys in his school etc who could tease and bully him.

I get that it's a societal thing, but it still BUGS the CRAP out of me that it's so "awful" or "embarrassing" for a guy to be in a skirt. It's a piece of freeking clothing. I htink that's why it's such an issue for me. Why is a piece of clothing embarrassing because it's associated with females? Why is it embarrassing to be equated with something feminine? I HATE that my daughter can wear "boy clothes" and be considered cute but if my son wears a skirt there's something embarrassing about it. HATE.IT. SO I think that's a big part of my reason to say YES to him being on the team and wearing the flipping skirt. What's so bad about being a female???









EVEN worse, I will fully admit to being swayed by the societal pressure, i.e. discouraging my son wearing pink/skirts/etc. I hate THAT even more. I'm "ok" with him playing with dolls, we bought him a kitchen set, etc. but I purposely directed him towards "boy" clothes as a small child, and he's never veered in the other direction.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
I should have said "It isn't JUST a skirt..."

He has the choice to not play on the team but he has chosen otherwise. Obviously the social stigma is not a concern to him. What if a girl on the team was uncomfortable wearing a skirt - should she also be allowed an alternate uniform?

FWIW...

My senior year on the tennis team, they bought shorts for us all instead of the (usual) skirts. Some of us were ticked, being superstitious type athletes.







They decided to let us choose which we preferred... about half the team wore shorts, the other half went with the skirts. they were all the same color - it worked out well. It was an all girls team (they had a guy's team which played a different season, so it wasn't a choice for guys to join).

I think it's ridiculous that it's an issue if the guy isn't making it an issue. He went with what they said? Kudos to him!


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
I am surprised reading some of the comments. There's hardly a guy I have talked to about this that doesn't feel some degree of outrage over this, but on the hockey forum and here most women not only support it, but point out that it's me that seems to have the problem. I am just surprised that as many people support the idea of a HS basically saying to a boy that he can play in a sport but only if he wears a skirt.

I guess I do have a problem with it. I just don't see why boys have to be embarrassed in order to play field hockey. It's like the rule has been put there to deter boys from playing on the girl's team. It's not so much that I even think about his team mates, but more other boys in his school etc who could tease and bully him.

The reason I care btw and he is with us and my mom is because his mom in the UK is trying to get her life back together again (drugs) and we don't even know if she will ever be fit to take him back. So he feels more like an adoptive younger brother to me.

I wasn't able to make the game today and my mom who went and my cousin aren't back yet so I don't know how it went.

I don't send him a message by the way on this. In fact I am trying to be as supportive as I can, but I have told him I don't think it's right that he should have to wear the skirt too.

You didn't ask what I thought of the rule. You asked if the rule would cause me to forbid my son to play a sport he enjoyed.

For the record I think requiring a boy to wear an obviously feminine skirt is only slightly less stupid than requiring a girl to wear a cup to play a "boy's" sport. It's obvious that the rule was made without this situation in mind. To me the logical thing for the association to do is amend the rule so guys can play in a kilt or shorts. Since kilts are gender neutral, if I were on the committee that's what I'd vote for. I think he should be allowed to purchase a kilt from the company that makes the girls' uniform skirts. It's not like it would affect the game play and as long as his kilt matched the girls' skirts color wise it'd still be uniform.

If the association does rule he had to wear a skirt I'd roll my eyes at their overly strict adherence to a rule that 1. doesn't affect how the game is played and 2. doesn't fit the situation and allow my son to decide if wearing a skirt was a compromise he was willing to make in order to play a sport he enjoys.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
But it isn't a skirt, it is the team uniform. If he wants to play on the team he has to wear the uniform. What if a girl wanted to play on the football team and said that she didn't like the pants or oversized jersey - should they change the team uniform to make her happy?

Your nephew made his choice - leave it be and support him. I applaud him for not letting a skirt stand in the way of his dream.

I think you are forgetting the oversize jersey and pants are design for protection adn to cover protection.

This skirt isn't. This is more like a wrestling or swim team uniform There has to be modify to the team uniform that are gender spacific.

http://www.ypress.org/news/girls_gra...ism_in_sports_
I wonder what would have happen if this girl was told she had to wear the wrestling uniform in the same fashion as guys. Or the modification of a Tshirt was breaking down team unity.

I would let my child play but I would also change the sexist rule.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

So my cousin and mom got back from the game a few hours ago and my mom also spent some time after the game talking with the coach just to see what the situation is. I guess a lot of what some of you were saying matches up with what the coach told her too.

First off my cousin did get some cheering, booing, heckling, catcalling, but he had been warned about that and it was expected. Boys on girls teams are really not liked by some people and even though he never played, just the fact that he had the uniform on and sat on the bench with the team was enough to upset some people, perhaps because they know he hopes to play too.

The girls on his team though were apparently awesome. They cheered him on, they huddled around him protectively at times, they included him in rally calls and so on and my mom told me in private that she actually cried a little over that about the way the team accepted him.

How did he feel. Very nervous at first and exposed. He said he never really lost consciousness of how he was dressed except a few times when he was lost in the game. At the end he was kind of wanting to get back into the changing room and change but the coach wanted to introduce him to the opposing team's coach and players (more on that in a bit) and then my mom got talking to the coach. He ended up coming home in his uniform because they were locking everything up. Groundsguy by the way looked at him in a very disgusted manner according to my mom.

Why did the coach make a point of introducing him to the other team? She told my mom when she asked that whether he ends up playing ultimately depends on the district and she wants to get as many friends as she can in making the case and not enemies. She said she intends to have every team coach meet my cousin face to face wearing his uniform and the AD too. She told my mom that sometimes the biggest obstacles to the boys playing is that people fear they will change the game, for the worse, disrupt it etc. She wants to show them my cousin is playing along with the 'rules' and is trying to fit in and not disrupt. She said something a bit odd but I get what she means, I just don't get how it works in practice. She said that as long as they see a boy sitting on the bench it's like a red flag to a ball, but one day if they just sort of look and don't see him but another player then that's the day he's won them over. She said it's all down to him to fit in and prove himself. She told my mom that in another district a boy didn't play for 2 seasons but practiced with his team and wore the uniform to every event the girls attended, not just games but car washes and fund raisers and he even helped out for two summers at a hockey camp, yes wearing a skirt! everything to prove himself part of the team. The district finally relented because he was doing more to promote girls field hockey than a lot of the girls who were playing. Basically she told my mom and cousin he needed to be patient and probably wouldn't play this year but if he quits now she won't take him back. It's a test for her too and she is honest with that. She says she had a boy ask about joining before but quit before he even started.

As the new "girl" my cousin came home with the kit of all the other girls and has to launder it. A rite of passage.

He also came home with an away team kit. The next game for them is on Saturday away and will be a test for him in front of an away crowd though he said he doesn't know if that would be better or worse since he doesn't know these people. The away kit is darker and has a black pleated skirt, again not a kilt though! I have to say this skirt looks even more feminine than the other one though and I still feel how I feel about him having to wear it. He might be knuckling down but I feel bad that he has to.

The big tests coming up for him are tomorrow. How will class mates react after he has "come out" so to speak. He has done it now and can't really go back on having done it ever. How will he deal with the away game on Sat. I am going to it but he will be traveling with the team. Then there is another away game next Weds.

I have a question for those ladies who knew guys who played on teams. Another girl (not related to my cousins team) said that they would change at lunch for away games and wear their uniforms during afternoon class. I really hope my cousin does not have to endure that. With the guys who played on the teams that people knew, did they have to do that or not?

Other stuff that the coach said that matches up with what people said here. Uniforms are non negotiable and that is decided at the district level. They are very very strict on it. She did go on about expense of changing but also said that it was counterproductive to the argument for boys to join. In her opinion the argument that more boys would join if the kilt was not a requirement pressuposes that those in charge want more boys to join the girl's field hockey teams. In her opinion they don't and more than that they don't want boys who don't accept that they have joined a girl's field hockey team. Basically an acid test is that if the boy complains about the uniform then he is disrepecting the team and the sport of girl's field hockey. She said people might think that the skirt is all about deterring boys (like me I guess) but she insisted it wasn't that, but it was about tradition and team identity and so on. But then in the same breath she spun that around and said that it was a litmus test too.

I still feel like boys are caught in a catch 22 then. The litmus test of committment conveniently maintains the status quo.

But for the moment no harm has happened so it'll go on and he did seem okay with things mostly tonight, so fingers crossed for tomorrow.


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## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

I think your cousin is awesome! Just think how much courage and conviction he must have in order to follow his passion - despite obstacles in his way. Good for him.

I also think it's totally silly that there is a stigma against men wearing skirts. Women wear both skirts AND pants, and no one blinks an eye. But, when a man puts on a skirt, it's like this huge deal. I just don't get it.

I wouldn't have a problem with this. But, then again, when I was a nanny, and the 6 year old boy wanted to wear his sister's dress - I was like "ok, whatever." (His parents were fine with it too, btw, I wasn't making any monumental decisions alone.)

I'm in the "I'll let my kid where whatever he/she wants, and play in whatever sport he/she wants" camp.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Personally I think that this is ridiculous, basically these 'rules' are in place to deter boys from playing hockey, and it has nothing to do with the boys wearing kilts - we're from Scotland the kilt was born here and is perfectly acceptable, but this is different - it's like them saying 'well, we'll see how much he can take', I think I would go as high as the olympic male hockey team to get this into the public eye - to accept this is like accepting any other type of discrimination IMO, and as my father would say
'rules are there for the guidance of wise men and the observance of idiots'but by the way - I think your nephew is fantastic!!!


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## miffmom (Sep 30, 2009)

Wanting to comment on this thread was something that encouraged me out of lurking so thank you.

Firstly, to answer your question, would I let my own son play high school field hockey, my answer is yes, absolutely if that is something that he wanted to do and the fact is that he might since he has just taken the game up in MS this year. My daughter also played for the first year in HS but let it drop this year to pursue other interests, but now my son has taken up her stick so to speak. Yes, he does wear a kilt too when playing just like the rest of the team.

Also, I hope this might offer some encouragement to your cousin, but here is a link to a picture of our local HS team, the Lady Wildcats, from a couple of season's ago when they won their first state championship in PA.

http://www.sherrysundberg.com/FieldH...007Champs1.jpg

As you can see, there is a boy on the end wearing the same uniform and he is still playing this season too.

With the support of the coach and the district boys can play in PA and have a lot of fun.

My suggestion to you is to don't sweat the kilt or skirt. Whenever there are articles about our team it always refers to "the girls" and the coach always talks about "the girls". I am sure the boy doesn't take this as a personal affront and I think this is probably what your cousin's coach meant when she said that she'd like to see just another team player on the bench when she sees your cousin and not a boy that sticks out that she has to be extra sensitive about. If he does get any teasing or bullying then be supportive but otherwise encourage what he's doing and let him take enjoyment from it too.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

This treatment is absurd and unlawful. If they made a girl jump through those hoops she would sue- rightfully. Must sit the bench for a year? Outrageous.

-Angela


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Yeah, the not playing for a year is BS. Unless any new female member is made to sit on the bench for a year, that's flat out discrimination.


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## kofduke (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
Yeah, the not playing for a year is BS. Unless any new female member is made to sit on the bench for a year, that's flat out discrimination.

OP said she was in PA -- I believe PIAA rules make any transfer student sit out their first year (to eliminate people transferring just for the purpose of playing a sport).


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kofduke* 
OP said she was in PA -- I believe PIAA rules make any transfer student sit out their first year (to eliminate people transferring just for the purpose of playing a sport).

I stand corrected then, if that's the case - if it's evenly applied, then it's obviously not discriminatory. But IMO, dumb. There's got to be a better way than making a kid sit on a bench all year...I mean, I guess they get to do practices, just not games. I dunno.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ewe+lamb* 
I think I would go as high as the olympic male hockey team to get this into the public eye - to accept this is like accepting any other type of discrimination IMO, and as my father would say
'rules are there for the guidance of wise men and the observance of idiots'but by the way - I think your nephew is fantastic!!!

Discrimination would be if he was not allowed to join the team because he is a male - being made to wear the team uniform is not.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Pretty sure the Olympic ladies field hockey would not allow a man on the team. I could be wrong... but don't they have some pretty strict guidelines?


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## ishyfishie (Dec 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juvysen* 
Pretty sure the Olympic ladies field hockey would not allow a man on the team. I could be wrong... but don't they have some pretty strict guidelines?

Didn't someone point out that there IS a men's Olympic field hockey team? There'd be no need for a man to join the ladies' team if there's already a mens' team.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ishyfishie* 
Didn't someone point out that there IS a men's Olympic field hockey team? There'd be no need for a man to join the ladies' team if there's already a mens' team.

Huh, I missed that... Wonder how one gets so far as to play on the men's olympic field hockey team if there's no other men's field hockey teams available? There must be some somewhere, right?


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## ishyfishie (Dec 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juvysen* 
Huh, I missed that... Wonder how one gets so far as to play on the men's olympic field hockey team if there's no other men's field hockey teams available? There must be some somewhere, right?

I wondered that too? Maybe certain areas have local clubs or something?

I found it, it was in the OP: "In fact even though the US has a men's olympic team, field hockey is only usually offered to girls at the HS level."


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## miffmom (Sep 30, 2009)

I think there are clubs which guys can join but these are few and far between and I also think that these tend to be for adults. In fact at school age most of the clubs tend to be girls only and actually can enforce a no boys rule as I understand it if they don't get federal funds. My daughter was looking at playing some tournament once which said very clearly all players must be female.

Does anyone know if boys who play field hockey usually shave their legs? Seeing my son's hairy legs when he wears his kilt makes me wonder


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I asked my daughter to weigh in as she plays field hockey for the HS team. They don't have any guys playing, but she said if one wanted to, she didn't see it would be an issue. Unless he was unwilling to wear the uniform - every team member has to be dressed 100% alike (they do get to choose their underwear







) - white or grey tank jersey (home or away), red kilt, red sliders (spandex shorts), white or red socks (home or away). If one is going to wear a long sleeve shirt (like UnderArmour when it gets colder), they all have to - same color and style). Same for leggings. League Regs.

On game days, they dress out in jerseys for school - usually with shorts or jeans, depending on the weather. She actually gets a lot of heat from her classmates (she goes to a magnet school, but plays for her home HS) for doing so, but her attitude is "My team wears jerseys on game day - it doesn't matter whether I'm physically in the same building." First game (home and away), they do dress out in full uniform. Your nephew should find out if he has to dress out on Friday, since the game is Saturday - that's pretty normal.

Through middle school, she also played baseball. League Regs require every player to wear a standard cup. So yeah - she got a jock strap and wore a cup. And for the poster who brought it up? Yes, she was included in "cup checks" - the ref doesn't touch them - the kid taps the cup so the ref knows it's on. They do make female cups (in adult sizes), but I don't personally feel they provide adequate protection.

As for benching your nephew for the season... I'll agree that it isn't really fair. But... a lot of guys (especially jocks) don't take girls' sports seriously. I can understand a coach of a girls' team wanting to make sure that he's joined the team because he wants to play and not for a lark and to make a joke out of them.

When I was in HS (before Title IX, 'nuff said), I was allowed to practice and dress out with the guys' soccer team (no girls teams then), but no way was I allowed to play.

Kudos to your nephew for sticking with it. What position does he play? My daughter usually starts as center mid, but tends to be the team's utility player and gets moved to wherever a hole develops. What stick does he have? (I'm a FH geek mom.)


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

I'd let him play too, and I do think it is a bit silly that he can't wear shorts.

But I think that the district is probably not really wanting to be a co-ed team - they want to be a girl's team. So I can see that they are not rushing to accommodate, although in the reverse situation I am not sure it would fly. No-one would make a girl wear a boys uniform that exposed her in an indecent way, for example.

Maybe though what is really needed is a push for a co-ed or male team. It would take a lot of work to get it going and might not be in time for your nephew to play on, but it could be a really good thing. It wouldn't have to be part of the school team, it could be a club.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
Maybe though what is really needed is a push for a co-ed or male team. It would take a lot of work to get it going and might not be in time for your nephew to play on, but it could be a really good thing. It wouldn't have to be part of the school team, it could be a club.

I was thinking the same thing. It's pretty ridiculous that he's got to jump through hoops (sitting on the bench a year, although someone said that's not because he's a boy - and the uniform skirt) when there isn't a boy's team available. It's not like he's choosing to the play on the girl's team, instead of the boy's team, and wanting an exception on the uniform. There is not boy's team.

I hope it all works out for him - and I hope he gets to play sooner, not later. I do agree with a lot of what the coach was saying, but not all of it.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TCMoulton* 
Discrimination would be if he was not allowed to join the team because he is a male - being made to wear the team uniform is not.

Ok I get the discrimination part, however, why does a boy have to jump through hoops and be humiliated (the jeering etc which the nephew had to put up with) to play a sport that he obviously likes and has a talent for, if this was any other situation I don't think that it would be tolerated, is it not the same when NIP is legal but then people object and the mother has to fight to have her rights recognised and we stage nurse-ins and all the like - what is different in this situation, what I see (from I think a European POV) is that this child is allowed - by the powers that be and the other parents whose children already play hockey - what would happen if the tables were turned?, to be humiliated and I do not think that in any situation that this is acceptable - it is great that this boy has the confidence to play anyway and is accepted by his team-mates, but what about all the children that just don't have that confidence?


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## learn2fly (Sep 30, 2009)

Something that may have been lost in the discussion and perhaps the OP can consider is just how lucky this boy has been given how much he is clearly committed to the sport. I believe only a very small number of states would actually even give him any opportunity of playing. Most states would not allow what has happened here and I don't even think field hockey is played in all the states even by girls. So for the young man to move from Europe and end up in a state where he has a chance of continuing to play is quite lucky in itself.

I wonder too if this was a bit of a rushed decision. Maybe the OP can answer this, but did he really give any other sports a try before deciding to continue with field hockey to this degree. Perhaps this was an opportunity to try other sports and maybe find something new that wouldn't have been so non-conformist. Not that I am against non-conforming, but he could have perhaps given something else a try this year and then decided ahead of summer training camp if he wanted to try out for the field hockey team and all that comes with it. This may have given himself some more breathing room and even forewarned the coach so that she could better advise. This has sort of been put on her plate out of the blue and as others have said, including the OP, it's not a simple case for her of playing him or not; she has district and state considerations to make as well. From all that has been said I think she's actually done a good job so far.

I hope it works out for your cousin


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## miffmom (Sep 30, 2009)

I will check with my DD what they do in her HS when she gets back later. I know my DS does have to wear the full uniform when they have away games on school days, but it is the coach and school that decided that so the kids could get out straight after classes finished and still make the game. But that is MS not HS.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

If he's comfortable doing it I see no reason why not!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *learn2fly* 
Something that may have been lost in the discussion and perhaps the OP can consider is just how lucky this boy has been given how much he is clearly committed to the sport. I believe only a very small number of states would actually even give him any opportunity of playing. Most states would not allow what has happened here and I don't even think field hockey is played in all the states even by girls. So for the young man to move from Europe and end up in a state where he has a chance of continuing to play is quite lucky in itself.

I wonder too if this was a bit of a rushed decision. Maybe the OP can answer this, but did he really give any other sports a try before deciding to continue with field hockey to this degree. Perhaps this was an opportunity to try other sports and maybe find something new that wouldn't have been so non-conformist. Not that I am against non-conforming, but he could have perhaps given something else a try this year and then decided ahead of summer training camp if he wanted to try out for the field hockey team and all that comes with it. This may have given himself some more breathing room and even forewarned the coach so that she could better advise. This has sort of been put on her plate out of the blue and as others have said, including the OP, it's not a simple case for her of playing him or not; she has district and state considerations to make as well. From all that has been said I think she's actually done a good job so far.

I hope it works out for your cousin

Why should he have to consider another sport? Esspecially since this is a sport that is "familar" to him and his home country?


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bluegoat* 
Maybe though what is really needed is a push for a co-ed or male team. It would take a lot of work to get it going and might not be in time for your nephew to play on, but it could be a really good thing. It wouldn't have to be part of the school team, it could be a club.


Adding another team sport in high school is not that easy. Under Title Nine my high school district had to provide the same number of sports teams for both boys and girls. When the boys wanted to add a volleyball team another team had to be added for girls as well.

Also schools already are severely underfunded - financing another athletic team, including paying a coach, purchasing uniforms, providing transportation, etc, is practically impossible.

I agree that looking into club athletics is a good idea if your nephew decides that the school team is not working out for him.


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *learn2fly* 
I believe only a very small number of states would actually even give him any opportunity of playing. Most states would not allow what has happened here and I don't even think field hockey is played in all the states even by girls.

At the moment all states prohibit preventing a child from playing on a sports team based on sex in any school that accepts federal funding. 17 states have taken a step further and enacted laws that also include private schools.

In Illinois the law states:

Quote:

No student shall, solely by reason of that person's sex, be denied equal access to physical education and interscholastic athletic programs or comparable programs supported from school district funds.


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kofduke* 
OP said she was in PA -- I believe PIAA rules make any transfer student sit out their first year (to eliminate people transferring just for the purpose of playing a sport).

If that's truly the rule then it's absurd and punishes kids whose families move for jobs or other reasons. In my state (GA) if you transfer schools then there are ways to get eligibility to play (prove you moved, claim financial hardship as a reason to leave a private school etc). I'm pretty sure a move from another country would make you eligible here. These rules are meant to protect kids against teams recruiting. Obviously that's not the case here.

On the OP's question about the uniform during the school day. That seems like something decided at the school level and it sounds like the coach is sympathetic. I would suggest he just wears the jersey with his jeans or whatever pants he's wearing that day. That's what all the sports teams did at my HS (except the cheerleaders who wore the whole uniform.)


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## learn2fly (Sep 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
Why should he have to consider another sport? Esspecially since this is a sport that is "familar" to him and his home country?

Because the sport he wants to play isn't a sport that is readily available to boys. In about 90% of the states this would not even be an issue because he wouldn't have even got this far. That he ended up in a state which does allow boys to play on girl's teams (with certain rules) has given him that option to choose field hockey. But in another state he would have had to have chose another sport. What if the boy had wanted to play cricket? He would have been even harder pressed to find a team.

That he made a decision and chose to continue with field hockey is fine, but clearly there are some requirements associated with this choice which he is going to have to live with. Given that it seems he may not actually play a game this season anyway, I think he had more to gain by waiting and keeping his options open. Now he has gone ahead and joined the team and dressed in the uniform he will have to live with that decision which could follow him through school even if he or the district decide that he is never going to play for the school. I just think waiting until next year could have given everyone involved time for preparation.


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## bpcous (Sep 29, 2009)

My cousin said he didn't get teased "that much" today although I didn't really press what that much meant.

I should perhaps clear something up here as I re-read some of the posts. I know I have come across as against the idea that he has to wear a girl's uniform/skirt to play, but that doesn't mean that I am not supporting him. Actually it's been the opposite and I have some mixed feelings over it. I did a lot of researching on the web first admittedly looking for loopholes to try and get him out of it and actually to see if it was all true too, but then latter as I found more and more examples I just collected them and printed stuff off and made links to show him that look, even if you do have to do this and go through with it, it's not just you, there are quite a few boys in the same position. He told me that this was an important factor in his deciding to go through with it. So now if it does backfire I will feel pretty guilty about that too since if I had kept schtum about it he might not have done it.

Someone mentioned the Olympic team too. I have actually written to some people involved at the national level and also some guy in the UK who has connections to the England national team. But the problem is they told me that basically there is a disconnect between the national system and the schools system. Basically schools run field hockey and I think someone told me it's even harder for a guy to get involved in field hockey in college, but at that point they can usually join clubs if there are any in the area. Someone said about how clubs at the school sort of age are just for girls and this seems to be right too. People have said that I/we should start a club. But I am not a field hockey nut LOL, just obsessed over what I see as injustice that has got me fired up. Plus I don't think it's that easy and to get boys interested too. The funny thing someone told me is that because so few boys play, the good ones have a really really really high chance of making the olympic team which of course is not true for the girls.

Not only do the schools run field hockey of course, but it's a lot of women who want to probably keep the sport as exclusive to girl's running it. That's the only reason I can see why they insist on the kilts and skirts for guys.

I will ask my cousin if anyone told him anything about Friday because he hasn't said anything about that. He has a practice tomorrow so he can maybe find out then. The top would certainly draw attention to it but probably not so humiliating as the skirt would.

He is a good kid and quite strong minded, plus he is a bit introverted too. If he lost any friends over this I don't think he'd be that upset to be honest. Not that he has really made any close friends yet anyway, so in that sense maybe this was a better time to do this.

I get what the one person who said about maybe he should have waited said. I think things just happened a bit quicker than I expected anyway and maybe he should but I think he knew that he wanted to play anyway. It's not about playing on the team or playing competitively as such for him right now but just playing the sport which he enjoys. He is happy even with practice at the moment.

What I find odd, maybe this is another question for somewhere on the forums, and I asked this on the field hockey site but never got an answer... lot's of women have campaigned in sport to get away from having to wear skirts over the years and have equal rights to shorts. Yet here we have a situation where not only do they actually cling onto the kilts/skirts but expect boys to wear them too. I asked why there was such a strong tie to the kilts/skirts and no one really knew.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bpcous* 
My cousin said he didn't get teased "that much" today although I didn't really press what that much meant.

I should perhaps clear something up here as I re-read some of the posts. I know I have come across as against the idea that he has to wear a girl's uniform/skirt to play, but that doesn't mean that I am not supporting him. Actually it's been the opposite and I have some mixed feelings over it. I did a lot of researching on the web first admittedly looking for loopholes to try and get him out of it and actually to see if it was all true too, but then latter as I found more and more examples I just collected them and printed stuff off and made links to show him that look, even if you do have to do this and go through with it, it's not just you, there are quite a few boys in the same position. He told me that this was an important factor in his deciding to go through with it. So now if it does backfire I will feel pretty guilty about that too since if I had kept schtum about it he might not have done it.

Someone mentioned the Olympic team too. I have actually written to some people involved at the national level and also some guy in the UK who has connections to the England national team. But the problem is they told me that basically there is a disconnect between the national system and the schools system. Basically schools run field hockey and I think someone told me it's even harder for a guy to get involved in field hockey in college, but at that point they can usually join clubs if there are any in the area. Someone said about how clubs at the school sort of age are just for girls and this seems to be right too. People have said that I/we should start a club. But I am not a field hockey nut LOL, just obsessed over what I see as injustice that has got me fired up. Plus I don't think it's that easy and to get boys interested too. The funny thing someone told me is that because so few boys play, the good ones have a really really really high chance of making the olympic team which of course is not true for the girls.

Not only do the schools run field hockey of course, but it's a lot of women who want to probably keep the sport as exclusive to girl's running it. That's the only reason I can see why they insist on the kilts and skirts for guys.

I will ask my cousin if anyone told him anything about Friday because he hasn't said anything about that. He has a practice tomorrow so he can maybe find out then. The top would certainly draw attention to it but probably not so humiliating as the skirt would.

He is a good kid and quite strong minded, plus he is a bit introverted too. If he lost any friends over this I don't think he'd be that upset to be honest. Not that he has really made any close friends yet anyway, so in that sense maybe this was a better time to do this.

I get what the one person who said about maybe he should have waited said. I think things just happened a bit quicker than I expected anyway and maybe he should but I think he knew that he wanted to play anyway. It's not about playing on the team or playing competitively as such for him right now but just playing the sport which he enjoys. He is happy even with practice at the moment.

What I find odd, maybe this is another question for somewhere on the forums, and I asked this on the field hockey site but never got an answer... lot's of women have campaigned in sport to get away from having to wear skirts over the years and have equal rights to shorts. Yet here we have a situation where not only do they actually cling onto the kilts/skirts but expect boys to wear them too. I asked why there was such a strong tie to the kilts/skirts and no one really knew.

I know that when I was field hockey player, we loved our kilts, because they were traditional. But like I said earlier, ours were actually kilts, not skirts. I don't think I would have found it as important if they had been more "skirt" like.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *learn2fly* 
That he ended up in a state which does allow boys to play on girl's teams (with certain rules) has given him that option to choose field hockey. But in another state he would have had to have chose another sport.

Why choose another sport? He may not have been able to play anything at all. Some people like to play sports, and pick the ones they like best. Some people like to play _a_ sport, and if it weren't available, they wouldn't play anything. I don't know which category the OP's cousin (it is a cousin, yes?) falls into, but if he's the "field hockey or nothing" type, then waiting wouldn't have accomplished anything, anyway.


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## learn2fly (Sep 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Why choose another sport? He may not have been able to play anything at all. Some people like to play sports, and pick the ones they like best. Some people like to play _a_ sport, and if it weren't available, they wouldn't play anything. I don't know which category the OP's cousin (it is a cousin, yes?) falls into, but if he's the "field hockey or nothing" type, then waiting wouldn't have accomplished anything, anyway.

That's a reasonable argument if he is all or nothing. Even then, I think the one thing he would have still accomplished or benefited from would have been that everyone else could have been better prepared for him coming into the team. I feel some sympathy (perhaps that is too strong a word) for the coach here. She has been preparing for the season with an all girl team, the season starts with her all girl team and then however far we are into the season (I don't know) a boy suddenly turns up and says he wants to join the team. Despite any debate about the rights, wrongs, merits etc of that, it still appears to be something that stirs angst because of everything else that goes with that boy joining the team. Again it's not a judgment of whether that is valid, it is just how it is. So the coach has to deal with that as best she can and perhaps keep the team as best focused as she can through it as well. Meanwhile, it seems anyway, the boy is benched for the season, so it achieved what? At best he can maybe face some issues now that he might have faced next year. But perhaps instead he could have maybe practiced with them anyway without committing like that and still kept his own options open. I am not trying to suggest he made a wrong choice in the end here, just questioning the timing of that actual decision.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

the skirt does not bother me if he is up for it.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

After following this thread since it started I am rather amazed at (for lack of a better word) the drama surrounding this boys decision to play. I just don't remember there being any real issue when we had a boy on our high school field hockey team (this is in Maine) and yes, he did wear the kilt.

I am glad he is giving it a go, I am surprised a bit that he is being teased for it as well. The boy who played on our field hockey never heard a word about it, in fact some of the guys remarked to him how lucky he was to be with all the field hockey girls all the time









I guess just based on my own personal experience I really feel like everyone around him is making a way bigger deal out of the situation than is necessary. I also cannot believe regardless of transfer rules that he would have to sit out the entire first season. That sounds like crap to me. I moved to my high school a week before my freshman year started and I immediately joined the team and did not have to sit out the season even though the team had been practicing for a month prior to school starting.

At this point I would say stop worrying about him, he seems to be handling it well and I feel the bigger deal that his coach and you and everyone makes it the bigger deal it is going to be.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

closed for moderator review


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