# How long would/have you waited?



## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Hi. I haven't posted here yet (I don't think) and truthfully I hoped I'd never have too








...

I m/c in March 05 and then lost twins in September 05. I got pregnant again in December 05 and actually thought things were going to turn out all right. Well, I found out a few days ago that the baby died in utero 5 weeks ago. So far my cervix is closed up tight and showing no signs of opening up. I want to be done with this but I really don't want a D&C. I don't want to look like a pregnant lady anymore. It's killing me.

Whats the longest anyone has gone from demise to passing the baby? Any reccomendations for ways to jumpstart the process....

TIA,


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

I waited 3 1/2 weeks. I found out right around the time the baby's heart stopped at about 9 weeks. It was really hard having to wait so long but I'm glad I got to m/c naturally. I'm glad I didn't take anything to speed up the process because I've heard that can increase bleeding if the body isn't ready.

Have they done blood tests to check your hormone levels? I've also heard that when it takes awhile they need to do a blood test to check for blood clotting too.

I'm really sorry you are going thru this again! I hope things happen soon and safely. I started a thread about waiting to m/c and met three other mamas who were waiting too and we have all just finished the process.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Yeah, I really want to wait and see, but it willbe 6 weeks on Monday and I feel like it should have happened by now...sigh...


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## Gray's Mommy (Jul 8, 2005)

I am very sorry for your loss. We found out at 13 weeks that the baby stopped developing around 6 weeks. We miscarried at 17.5 weeks.


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

I'm so sorry for all of your losses







. I m/c'd at 8 weeks, but the embryo had died around six weeks. I continued to wait two more weeks before finally giving in and taking inducing meds. They worked fine for me, no heavy bleeding, but it can be a concern. Basically I had to speed the process for my emotional well being (I lost my newborn last Oct.) and I couldn't handle much more. I hope your body does what it needs to do-soon.







-Brooke


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## leavemealone (Feb 16, 2005)

It was three weeks from the time that I found out that my pregnancy would most likely not be viable until the time that I m/c.


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

i'm so sorry.
i never heard a heartbeat, we had found only midwives who used fetoscopes. so, we didn't know we were waiting. i miscarried at 12 weeks and i think it was a blighted ovum - that the baby stopped developing very early. my guess is it took my body at least 6 weeks, or more. but we had only 3 days of "knowing" & waiting after the spotting started. i'm so thankful it happened this way. my heart goes out to you mamas who are so patient.


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## chlobo (Jan 24, 2004)

We heard a heartbeat at 7 weeks. I had spotting at 10 weeks & an u/s revealed that the baby stopped developing right after we'd heard the heartbeat. I miscarried 2 days after that.

I'm so sorry for your losses. Hopefully you can do whatever you need to do to have closure with this experience.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Well, a week after finding out and 6 weeks after he passed, my miscarriage has started. I had a nervous breakdown last night and begged him to come. I told him I was ready and could handle it and wanted to have him at home. I woke up this morning and I was spotting. Now, 12 hours later, I am having regular contractions and passing tissue. I'm actually enjoying the pain a bit b/c it means I'm doing it.....


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

thinking of you - i enjoyed the pain too, it reminded me so much of my beautiful labor with dd. like sun on your back, or the taste of snow, or orgasm, contractions are hard to recall. good luck lotus birth mama, good work calling out to yourself and your hope child to come.
come tell us how you are doing. we'll watch this thread.























(i guess i'm officailly a regular on mdc, now, throwing around the ole' royal us. a positive outcome from my so sad miscarriage.)


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## ELKMama (Dec 3, 2003)

So sorry you are going through this loss, and that you had the other losses too, but glad things have started for you.

I'm replying to the original question in case other "waiters" find this thread later on. I miscarried (just last week) at 14 weeks. I found out that the embryo had stopped growing very early (probably 5-6 weeks) when I was 10 weeks and had an u/s. So it took about 8 weeks after development stopped and 4 weeks after we found out before the miscarriage. I wanted to avoid d&c if possible but I'd gotten so anxious and tired that I decided to go with the meds (cytotec). But the day before I picked them up at the pharmacy, it happened naturally and with very little pain.

Every day I waited I had a different sense of how long I could stand it... I was glad that I did end up waiting it out, but I know I almost didn't! For me, my big fear was having a very intense m/c with my toddler there, freaking out at my pain or crying for me from the other side of a closed door. Luckily, that didn't happen but it made "scheduling" the m/c for a time when he could be with others very appealing.

I tend to research when I am worried, so I'd investigated other options. PM if you want me to send you a medical journal article comparing cytotec use to a d&c (neither is moving things along naturally, I know) or a brief description of the herbs used to start contractions. I didn't feel I had enough local guidance on those to be comfortable using them, although I know others have...

Wishing you well in this hard time... E


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

So, my m/c started three days ago on its own, which is what I really wanted. It did end up in a trip to the ER b/c I was bleeding sooo much, but I'm home now, no D&C required! Thanks for all the support and BTDT.


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## ericaz (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aileen*
thinking of you - i enjoyed the pain too, it reminded me so much of my beautiful labor with dd. like sun on your back, or the taste of snow, or orgasm, contractions are hard to recall. good luck lotus birth mama, good work calling out to yourself and your hope child to come.

OT~
WOW! I'm in awe of that way of thinking, Mama. I found the m/c to be so much more painful that birthing my dd, Isadora. First off, with Isadora I knew I was birthing a baby and while the pain was terrible, I knew with it would come my first child. With the m/c it was as though I slipped from simple spotting to transition without any warning. I mean, I knew I was going to m/c for a week before it actually happened (which I think added to the anger/frustration of just wanting to be over with the whole thing!), but I was expecting to be crampy and then pass the embryo...not actual LABOR. I think I'm still having a difficult time processing the incredible pain and duration of the m/c (as though I was in the final stages of labor for three days on and off) am also more frightened of giving birth again than I was after I had Isadora.
In any case, I like your view a whole lot better than mine


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Has anyone else had a partner that just didn't seemt o believe the level of pain? It wasn't just DH, but a nurse at the ER, my mom....

I used the word contraction and a nurse actually said"Oh, you mean 'cramping', don't you?"

Errrr...


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## ericaz (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LotusBirthMama*
Has anyone else had a partner that just didn't seemt o believe the level of pain? It wasn't just DH, but a nurse at the ER, my mom....

I used the word contraction and a nurse actually said"Oh, you mean 'cramping', don't you?"

Errrr...

OMG, I can so relate. I was on my second or third night of labor pains and my husband was sitting on the couch watching the Olympics as I hobbled from room to room moaning in agony. I had told him the first night that what I was experiencing was just like labor with Isadora, believe it or not. Apparently he didn't believe it. So, seeing him just sitting there put me into a rage. I SCREAMED at him to get off his ass and do ANYTHING - and just to make sure he knew the severity I took my head and whammed it into the door of the armoire where the TV is perched. That woke him up. He later told me that he didn't realize I was in such pain. I love the guy, but HUH?? I can't believe the writhing, moaning, YELLING didn't give it away.

I'm not sure what he was thinking...when I was in labor with Isadora he was an awesome coach. Helped me breathe through contractions, applied counter pressure (made the back labor worse, but at least he tried), gently stroked my forehead with a damp cloth - all while remaining calm and focused. It was as though this time he just didn't get it. He shut down and couldn't handle the situation.


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## ericaz (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LotusBirthMama*
Has anyone else had a partner that just didn't seemt o believe the level of pain? It wasn't just DH, but a nurse at the ER, my mom....

I used the word contraction and a nurse actually said"Oh, you mean 'cramping', don't you?"

Errrr...

OMG, I can so relate. I was on my second or third night of labor pains and my husband was sitting on the couch watching the Olympics as I hobbled from room to room moaning in agony. I had told him the first night that what I was experiencing was just like labor with Isadora, believe it or not. Apparently he didn't believe it. So, seeing him just sitting there put me into a rage. I SCREAMED at him to get off his ass and do ANYTHING - and just to make sure he knew the severity I took my head and whammed it into the door of the armoire where the TV is perched. That woke him up. He later told me that he didn't realize I was in such pain. I love the guy, but HUH?? I can't believe the writhing, moaning, YELLING didn't give it away.

I'm not sure what he was thinking...when I was in labor with Isadora he was an awesome coach. Helped me breathe through contractions, applied counter pressure (made the back labor worse, but at least he tried), gently stroked my forehead with a damp cloth - all while remaining calm and focused. It was as though this time he just didn't get it. He shut down and couldn't handle the situation.


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## ericaz (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LotusBirthMama*
Has anyone else had a partner that just didn't seemt o believe the level of pain? It wasn't just DH, but a nurse at the ER, my mom....

I used the word contraction and a nurse actually said"Oh, you mean 'cramping', don't you?"

Errrr...

OMG, I can so relate. I was on my second or third night of labor pains and my husband was sitting on the couch watching the Olympics as I hobbled from room to room moaning in agony. I had told him the first night that what I was experiencing was just like labor with Isadora, believe it or not. Apparently he didn't believe it. So, seeing him just sitting there put me into a rage. I SCREAMED at him to get off his ass and do ANYTHING - and just to make sure he knew the severity I took my head and whammed it into the door of the armoire where the TV is perched. That woke him up. He later told me that he didn't realize I was in such pain. I love the guy, but HUH?? I can't believe the writhing, moaning, YELLING didn't give it away.

I'm not sure what he was thinking...when I was in labor with Isadora he was an awesome coach. Helped me breathe through contractions, applied counter pressure (made the back labor worse, but at least he tried), gently stroked my forehead with a damp cloth - all while remaining calm and focused. It was as though this time he just didn't get it. He shut down and couldn't handle the situation.


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## ericaz (Jun 10, 2003)

Yikes. Sorry for the triple post. Can I delete two of them??


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

I think knowing no one took it seriously caused me to be in soooo much more pain! I was wanting to moan and vocalize but felt too embarrassed! How pitiful is that??!


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## surf mama (Jan 8, 2005)

I'm really sorry no one validated your pain! I'm guessing they've never m/c-ed. I had another m/c (years ago before I had dd) and ended up in the ER for that one and I remember being so surprised by the waves of pain. The nurses were great though. I remember one telling me that I was feeling contractions and that I would do fine with labor when I got to have a baby. This last m/c wasn't as painful. I did have the first hour of really intense contractions but after that there would just be a couple minutes of it before I passed something. I think having experienced it before helped too. I was expecting pain this last time instead of being surprised by it. Hugs to both of you! I hope you are both healing well.


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## aileen (Jan 23, 2006)

hi.
my midwife friend told me to expect a mini labor since i was twelve weeks. i think the warning helped alot. but even then i was still surprised to have to stand and sway and hum through the rushes. there was even a calm, like with dd's birth, after the strongest contractions, before the "pushing". crazy.

lotusbirthmama - i'm sure it did cause you more pain to not be taken seriously. i'm so sad that was your experience, but you seem so strong. i'm sure you have shed that embarrassment and will moan & vocalize away in the future, whether in your births or just your voice in general.

ericaz - thanks for the kind words. i think mine was a blighted ovum too. sometimes it makes me even sadder. i guess i tend to be a bit of a silver lining freak, thinking of enjoying the pain. it is really helpful sometimes, but other times i think it makes my moments of sadness deeper.
i'm more nervous about birth too. and pregnancy. and everything it sees sometimes.

i like this thread. it has a nice morphing quality to it. i'm sorry you had to start it lotusbirthmama, but i'm glad you came here for support.


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