# Zero stranger anxiety. Is this normal?



## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

I saw my 7.5 month little niece at a family party. And she had zero stranger anxiety. She truly did not care who's arms she was in. She never reached for mom. She just kinda sat there. She never once got upset about anything. She didn't cry, whimper, coo or smile the entire 4 hours. I remarked to the (first time) mom, "Wow, is she always this laid back?" Mom just proudly said yes, that she was a really good baby.

Can this be on the range of normal? I know I don't have enough data, but it just seems TOO calm. My kids were not high needs, but by this age, they were certainly looking around, interacting, checking out their environment and they definitely preferred mom.


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## Ianthe (Dec 19, 2006)

My DS1 (now 3) was very much like that. He has/had a very secure attachment to me and his father, and just didn't get anxiety around others. He is still very outgoing, and comfortable around new people.


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## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

i was going to say no, my 7.5 month old was still pretty happy to be passed around. right before the 8 month mark though, she started getting anxious and actually cried when my MIL and my mom held her. so for some babies, i think the stranger anxiety can start at different times and last for a different amount of time. for both my nephew and daughter, this stage only seemed to last for a couple of weeks (although dd is only 8.5 months, so i guess she might get shy again later?)

however, the no emotions at all would bother me. was she looking at stuff? maybe she is just a really serious baby, but i would want to see that she was at least registering things around her. did she get fed at all in this time? did she hold objects and manipulate them? if it was just that you expected her to care who was holding her, then 7.5 months could still be a little early. if she was not really interacting with her environment at all, then that could be a cause for concern.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Stranger anxiety definitely kicks in at different points for different kids, and some kids *are* pretty laid back, particularly if they're used to being passed affectionately around and taken care of by lots of different people. So yeah, that could be normal.

On the mom's response, what on earth is she supposed to say? You gave her baby a compliment, she smiled and took it. Even if she is terribly concerned about her baby's health and development, she's unlikely to see "Is the baby always this laid back?" as an invitation to fill your ear with her worries.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I don't see any reason for concern. Babies have different temperaments.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My oldest son (now 3) was like this until about 2. He didn't care who he was with or where I was. Now he's 3, and still more than happy to go off with strangers.

However, he was always smiling and looking around. He didn't coo, but he has a language delay (didn't open his mouth to make sounds until about 17 months) and he rarely cried or whimpered. Are you sure she didn't smile or laugh once while you guys were there? It's possible she did and you just didn't see it.


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## MaerynPearl (Jun 21, 2008)

My DS (now 7, nearly 8) was also like this until after 1 year. I think it helps that I have a LARGE family so he was actually used to being passed around.

He did not have anxiety with strangers, but as you said... he wouldnt really laugh/smile/talk when people were holding him other than myself and a select few other family members that he was around almost daily. Anyone else he would "behave" for but would not "entertain" like he did us.

For what its worth hes always been fairly well behaved in school too... his only problem is he talks a lot lol... and sometimes has to be reminded by the teacher that the other kids cannot do their work at talk at the same time like he can.

On the other hand, my DD1 developed stranger anxiety around 4 months and would NOT let me go.

So I totally agree, this is likely just a case of how babies develop differently


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeepyCat* 
On the mom's response, what on earth is she supposed to say? You gave her baby a compliment, she smiled and took it. Even if she is terribly concerned about her baby's health and development, she's unlikely to see "Is the baby always this laid back?" as an invitation to fill your ear with her worries.

I'm not criticizing her response, I was just making a note of it.

If she had said, "I wish! She seems just really tired today" or whatever to make it seem like the behavior is different than normal. And, we're a pretty open family. We also talked about nipple latch, colic and sibling jealousy.

She had no toys that she held, no spoon or napkin that she held, but she did put her thumb in and out of her mouth.

Sure, she might have smiled when I wasn't looking. No one else who's around the baby more regularly seemed concerned.

Thank you for the other views. I'd just never seen a child that laid back. There's nothing for me to do of course, I was just seeking if others had seen something similar.


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## Lauren31 (Feb 25, 2008)

Many babies have no problems going to other people. SOme never have stranger anxiety and some have lots of it. Isn't that the goal of AP parenting? The baby is able to form healthy attachments to many people. Not JUST to the mom. My DD loves other people and I would never think that is a BAD thing. Just like if she was afraid of strangers does not mean it's a bad thing. Babies are all different. Like people, because they ARE people







.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

I'm confused. OP, clearly you worry this laid-back baby might be abnormal in some way. What way would that be? What diagnoses does "too calm" bring to mind?


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

DD1 was an awesome baby. She wanted to go to pre-school at two, never wanted to come home, was the type to make friends at playdates right away, never forgets a name or a face (she remembers people she met before she turned two...) She's still pretty awesome, though we've discovered a stubborn playful streak that really throws a wrench into things. She loved being passed around and it was great!!! What a lucky mom. It really does make it easy.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

My 7.5 month old is happy to be passed around (even to people she doesnt know) as long as she is in a good mood. Once she get grumpy, she reaches for me, says Mamamama, and cries. But those good mood stretches sometimes last for 3-4 hours, where _Im_ missing _her._ I think its completely normal.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Sounds to me like her Mom is doing a great job


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## xelakann (Jul 30, 2007)

My dd is super mellow in crowds too. She is mellow at home too, but cries and fusses at times too. However in public, just LOVES to be held by who ever will hold her and generally she just observes and doesn't smile a lot with strangers... but at home she is super silly and laughs all the time.

Our neighbor once commented that he has never heard her laugh and asked if she ever cried. She hardly does cry, but at home with us and her brother she laughs all the time.

dd is now 13 months.


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## Abraisme (Mar 8, 2009)

Yup, my DS was like that as well. He's now the one of the most out-going 6yo you've ever met. Each kid has their own personality, it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with her.. I must say that my son did interact with other people, laugh and smile a lot though.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I should also say--maybe she didn't need toys because her need for stimulation was being met by all those people. I know DD1 is like that, and always was.


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## kanga1622 (May 23, 2005)

DS at 8 months is just starting to get a little anxious with strangers. He doesn't cry but will look around for me. He's just starting to TRY to reach for me when he is with other people and will now fuss when DH is holding him if he thinks I am home. Even a week ago he did not care who held him and he smiled at EVERYONE. Now he's starting to be a little slower to warm up and not quite so smiley.









He didn't start needing toys in a "gathering" type place until he was about 7.5 months. Before that the crowd was enough entertainment for him.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My older one never had stranger anxiety. She grew to be super, super social too. I think it's just a personality trait.


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## october (Sep 24, 2009)

My DD is 7 months old and we have dinner with DH's side of the family once a week. There are 4 kids from 3 to 10 years old and they are all over her. Everyone is! And Eden gets pretty fussy sometimes about it, and reaches for mom, but! She also will sit in total silence (even though she's been babbling all day in the comfort of her own home) and just stare at people. No smiles (even though she's been smiling all day) and no toys. Just sits and watches in total and utter stimulation mode.


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## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Xerxella* 
I saw my 7.5 month little niece at a family party. And she had zero stranger anxiety. She truly did not care who's arms she was in. She never reached for mom. She just kinda sat there. She never once got upset about anything. She didn't cry, whimper, coo or smile the entire 4 hours. I remarked to the (first time) mom, "Wow, is she always this laid back?" Mom just proudly said yes, that she was a really good baby.

Can this be on the range of normal? I know I don't have enough data, but it just seems TOO calm. My kids were not high needs, but by this age, they were certainly looking around, interacting, checking out their environment and they definitely preferred mom.

Well both my babies (one four years now and the other 10 months) have never had anxiety around strangers. At 4 months old my little guy practically pushed me out the door with his one hand while cooing rapturously at his new baby sitter. I was gutted. (Bad, ungrateful baby!







) The only people that scared him were men with beards. He always hated men with beards.

Emily has always been really calm around strangers, too. Not nearly as flirtatious as her brother, though she does light up around the menfolk. She is very sociable and sweet, and calm.

I find it actually very "normal".


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