# Supernanny?? Evil or Well-Inentioned?



## seeingeyecat (Oct 17, 2005)

I couldn't resist borrowing the book "Supernanny" on our last visit to the public library. I thought it would be interesting, in a train wreck sort of way, and a place to direct my sometimes rage and frustration. (My dh and I love to tell stories about less in-tune parenting stories we hear in the media and through acquaintances. Self-righteousness is fun in very small doses.)
But I'm shocked to say... It's not THAT bad! I disagree with her "naughty chair" concept and the intention behind some of her other discipline techniques, and she over-promotes the use of praise... but the message is really about trying to understand you child. She talks about normal development and knowing what stage you kid's at so you can offer them challenges that help them grow rather than frustrating them. She says we should think about a child's behavior within context of their life and ability. She says not to rush toilet training or weaning, but to wait and watch for signals your kid is ready. To talk to you kid at their level. To reinforce their attempts at communication, rather than correcting them. And that routine and consistency helps toddlers know and anticipate the flow of their day, reducing frustration for everyone. All of this jives with what I know and believe to be good, considerate, sensitive parenting. It seems she's trying to get people to do the right things, but in what I see as the wrong way.
... But I've only read half the book so far.
... and we dont watch TV so I haven't seen her in action. I've heard she's awful.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

One thing to keep in mind is that the TV show often deals with children who are dangerously out of control, violent toward each other and the parents. Often the "time out" is used simply to protect the person being attacked from the kid who's acting up.

But generally, the advice given to the parents is: connect with your children! Because in so many of these cases the parents are TOTALLY checked out, usually the dad is obsessed with work and the mom is so burnt out that she hides from her kids and ignores them all the time. A lot of the parents are unecessarily critical and need to be shown that a few kind words can go a long way.

I don't think the show is that bad, really, but I don't watch it a lot.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Well intentioned.

I watch the TV show pretty often and I can say that every time I've watched, she's gotten the parents to treat their kids better than they were before.


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## colobus237 (Feb 2, 2004)

I don't think her materials are aimed at people who want to refine and perfect their already-great parenting skills, or people who are trying to decide between consensual living and unconditional parenting or something. It's about the basics: don't beat your kids, don't call them names or yell profanities at them, don't let them spit on you, have a basic understanding of their needs and capabilities.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

She has a book out?

She's one of my celebrity girlfriends. I don't agree with everything she says and does, but I do love her.


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## Mina (Sep 8, 2002)

I actually like Supernanny. From what I've seen, she really focuses on positive reinforcement and setting up situations for the children to make good choices and suceed. She doesn't believe in physical discipline or shaming children. While I don't agree with 100% of her suggestions or techniques, they're generally better than what the families are doing before she gets there.


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## amrijane128 (Jan 6, 2007)

Annoying and mean from what I've seen.


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

She's done a few episodes with "you shouldn't hold your baby so much" - I don't agree with everything she says. But yeah I agree the parents always seem to end up being nicer to the kids in the end, because she tells them "The problem is not your kid, it's YOU, be a more involved parent, stop being a bully to your kids, etc." She opens the parents' eyes a lot.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Well-intentioned, but evil nonetheless.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

While I don't agree with everything she says and does, I think at her heart she is very well-intentioned, and a lot of her theories about childcare are spot on. She encourages parents to know their children, to take an active interest in their lives, to get on the floor and play with them, to set reasonable boundaries for safety reasons, and she has no tolerance for child abuse.

She's definitely 'mainstream' but she's a good person and if her advice helps just one family parent a little better, no harm in that. I DEFINITELY don't think she is evil









She is a nanny, not a parent. She isn't operating from the attachment a mother is.


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## Petronella (Aug 22, 2007)

I like Supernanny. And I like how she says 'acceptable'. I don't always agree with every little thing she does, but she's well-intentioned, and while she's not exactly AP, she's also far from mainstream. She also really seems to like kids, which is nice.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meowee* 
One thing to keep in mind is that the TV show often deals with children who are dangerously out of control, violent toward each other and the parents. Often the "time out" is used simply to protect the person being attacked from the kid who's acting up.

But generally, the advice given to the parents is: connect with your children! Because in so many of these cases the parents are TOTALLY checked out, usually the dad is obsessed with work and the mom is so burnt out that she hides from her kids and ignores them all the time. A lot of the parents are unecessarily critical and need to be shown that a few kind words can go a long way.

I don't think the show is that bad, really, but I don't watch it a lot.

Yea, I definitely agree there. Most of those families are so out of whack it's just crazy, plus we have to remember that this is a TV show that depends on ratings. They are going to select the most out of control families to put on the show because it gets the ratings they are looking for. Also, Jo only has a week with each family to get things going. I don't agree with all her techniques, but it's a lot better then the advice that she could be sharing.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Every time I almost find myself agreeing with her, she does something boneheaded like get into a spitting match with a toddler over eating food. I'll find myself nodding along--uh huh... uh huh... OK, I can see that... and then BAM! she makes such a rookie mistake that she loses all credibility in my eyes.

Sometimes I like to watch the shows because they make me feel like Mother of the Year.


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mina* 
I actually like Supernanny. From what I've seen, she really focuses on positive reinforcement and setting up situations for the children to make good choices and suceed. She doesn't believe in physical discipline or shaming children. While I don't agree with 100% of her suggestions or techniques, they're generally better than what the families are doing before she gets there.

I'd have to disagree there unfortunately. I remember catching part of an episode where she insisted that everyone, the Mother, his brothers and Supernanny herself ignored the eldest child in the back garden because he had refused to put sun block on. That was shaming and alienating the child to conform to a demand.










Peace


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Well intentioned.

I watch the TV show pretty often and I can say that every time I've watched, she's gotten the parents to treat their kids better than they were before.

I was going to say the same thing so I'll just say I agree with this!

I watch it every week and I am always astonished at how awful most of the parents are to their kids. SuperNanny helps get the parents to behave better and to think about their actions.

And she is totally against spanking, shaming, yelling, etc.


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## cotopaxi (Sep 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ccohenou* 
I don't think her materials are aimed at people who want to refine and perfect their already-great parenting skills, or people who are trying to decide between consensual living and unconditional parenting or something. It's about the basics: don't beat your kids, don't call them names or yell profanities at them, don't let them spit on you, have a basic understanding of their needs and capabilities.

ITA. I don't know that anyone would have much luck convincing most of these families to try unconditional parenting. To move them from smacking and yelling at their kids to using timeouts is an improvement to me.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MtBikeLover* 

And she is totally against spanking, shaming, yelling, etc.

I don't see how the whole "naughty chair" thing can be construed as anything but shaming. "You've been naughty and you must sit in the naughty chair" seems pretty shaming to me.


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## KA29 (Jan 8, 2006)

I wouldn't use her materials because I try really hard to be nonpunitive, BUT I do think she is well-intentioned and the few times I have seen the show, it does seem like the parents end up treating the kids better than they had been. So I would say she is not great, but I think her stuff may have a place. In areas where hitting kids is the norm for 'discipline', I think she may actually do some good.


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## Hannahsmummy (Oct 12, 2006)

I'm not keen on her methods but I do think she's well intentioned.

Bearing in mind that TV shows are edited to provoke emotion and interest in us, who knows what happens that we don't see. I am sure she has some good points in the book. It's like anything, take the bits you agree with, use those and leave the rest.

One area where she seems to fall short (on the show at least) is that she's got this one box of tricks which she applies to everyone. I don't think all kids respond the same so the show makes it seem like there is some magic technique that works for all kids.


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## Freud (Jan 21, 2008)

I think she is far from evil. I wouldn't do or say some of the things she does, but in almost every instance (that I've seen) she has helped the family become closer and happier than they have been. She also challenges faulty parenting beliefs and practices and tries to really get to the root of the behavior, and I think that's a good place to start.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I haven't seen the book, but the entire concept is beyond me. Why the f--- would someone invite a stranger into her home to have her parenting criticized? Are people so insecure that they trust strangers more than they trust themselves?

I had a friend who wanted to go on the show with her kids -- supposedly they pay you -- but she takes advice very well. I'd laugh at any of the nannies purporting to know what was best for my kids.







Guess that's why I don't read parenting books, either!


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I haven't seen the book, but the entire concept is beyond me. Why the f--- would someone invite a stranger into her home to have her parenting criticized? Are people so insecure that they trust strangers more than they trust themselves?

Well, in that case, why is anyone posting here?







I get why people call her--they're desperate, and what they're doing just isn't working.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
Well, in that case, why is anyone posting here?







I get why people call her--they're desperate, and what they're doing just isn't working.

I guess I post here because I like to talk about parenting. I like to hear about what other people are doing, what sorts of good and bad things are happening in their families, etc. I'm not in it for the advice.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I think it well intended....

However I do not agree with an of the methods she uses. As a mother who practices consensual living we dont 'do' punishments/rewards....which is everything she seems to be about.

Shes not 'evil' though - I have only seen the tele show and tbh ...they seem to use 'extreme' examples of 'family life gone wrong' - with the 'intention' of fixing it in like a few weeks time. The children in the shows usually have no respect for anything or anyone and are very violent and the parents in the shows tend to just ignore their children. One show I saw once the baby sat in his playpen _all day_ - literally! - The father was on the computer all day and who knows what the mum was doing whilst her other children basically wrecked the whole house!.... And pretty much every family they have on the show is like this. Very....disconnected from one another. What she does is try to get everyone invovled and working together in the hopes to connect the family back together. If she plans on turning years of their own handywork around in a week or twos time - I can understand why she uses the techniques she does. However - I still think it can be done differently. It would just take longer and probably make for un-interresting tele viewing.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I didn't love the book, but I love the TV show. What I love most about it is that she talks to parents about spending time with their children, and gets them out of constant negative cycles and shows them how to have family time and enjoy one another's company. She brings back the joy of parenting to families where the anger and frustration and yelling, etc, have just dominated family life and there's no joy or love shown anymore.

And I believe she truly cares about children and loves people.

The other nanny shows I have not watched. I do love Jo Jo though.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

I think her techniques are especially great for a family in crisis-mode. Hopefully as the family situation calms down they can start working towards a place of mutual respect and co-operation, but you can't do that if there is zero order in your lives at all.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

I like her well enough for 'mainstream' parenting. She is very child-focused, strongly anti-spanking/yelling/shaming (the time out chair IS punishment, but i dont think its necessarily "shaming" in the way she uses it)....but the one thing i found unforgiveable was when she practically forced (through strong convincing and a lot of BS "info")a mom into abruptly weaning her 18 month old daughter from the breast and the family bed. ALL that momma needed was a sling so she could handle her home daycare. Breastfeeding wasnt the issue at all. So i thought Jo was WAYYYYYY off base there. But usually, she handles the kids with respect and kindness, and if she 'blames' anyone for their behavior, its the parents.

Katherine


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I haven't seen the book, but the entire concept is beyond me. Why the f--- would someone invite a stranger into her home to have her parenting criticized? Are people so insecure that they trust strangers more than they trust themselves?
!

Thats just silly. The people need help because they KNOW what they are doing is NOT working. Why in the world would they "trust themselves" to continue using techniques that are harming their kids, their family, and driving themselves nuts? Usually, the parents start the show with tears of desperation. Maybe you've got parenting down pat, but not everyone does. I personally wouldnt go on the show because i feel like i've got a great handle on parenting my son. Not everyone does though, ya know.

Plus, i think alot of people just want to get on tv. We live in a "reality show" culture where many people want their fifteen minutes of fame.

Katherine


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie* 
Well-intentioned, but evil nonetheless.

I was looking for the right words - the above summarizes it PERFECTLY!


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I haven't seen the book, but the entire concept is beyond me. Why the f--- would someone invite a stranger into her home to have her parenting criticized? Are people so insecure that they trust strangers more than they trust themselves?

If your family were in crisis, it might make a lot more sense.

I think she is great. Perfect--no (esp with the breastfeeding issue.....). But she really helps a lot of families!


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
I like her well enough for 'mainstream' parenting. She is very child-focused, strongly anti-spanking/yelling/shaming (the time out chair IS punishment, but i dont think its necessarily "shaming" in the way she uses it)....but the one thing i found unforgiveable was when she practically forced (through strong convincing and a lot of BS "info")a mom into abruptly weaning her 18 month old daughter from the breast and the family bed. ALL that momma needed was a sling so she could handle her home daycare. Breastfeeding wasnt the issue at all. So i thought Jo was WAYYYYYY off base there. But usually, she handles the kids with respect and kindness, and if she 'blames' anyone for their behavior, its the parents.

ITA.

I like watching the show because it makes me realize how, when I succumb to my baser instincts, it could impact my kids.

I think she clearly shows the relationship between attachment and behavior - the more attached and bonded you are with your kids, the more your kids are going to want to be with you, and probably the more you are going to enjoy parenting. Or the opposite - if your kids are badly behaved, investing in your relationship with your kids will probably be more effective than an authoritarian approach. Yeah, she emphasized discipline and time outs, but she always encourages loving involvement with the kids - and respect for their needs for attachment with their parents.

Of course, it is all pat and simple, and deep psychological baggage from the parents childhoods are fixed in 43 minutes (without commercials), but I don't think it is necessarily bad. Not great, but not bad either.


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## Kat_shoshin (Feb 16, 2007)

You know what... as an AP type parent I can not really see needing her book.

But now that I am a caregiver to a child that is out of control in ways that I cannot solve because I am not the parent?

I am really thinking to some of the things I have seen her do and clutching at them.

I think she is the one they call when things go wrong. And when thing have gone that wrong, maybe some of her drastic methods would work well - better than before at least.

I never really imagined that I would pick a 7 year old up and plop her alone on my bed for a time out. But for the sake of the other children in my home, I did just that this week. I am still trying to figure out a nice AP way to approach her tantrums and rage. I am hoping the counsellor her mother is arranging will have ideas for all of us.

But in my house we now have stickers for being good, and strict schedules and time outs. For now... until I can think of a better way.


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## Freud (Jan 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
Thats just silly. The people need help because they KNOW what they are doing is NOT working. Why in the world would they "trust themselves" to continue using techniques that are harming their kids, their family, and driving themselves nuts? Usually, the parents start the show with tears of desperation. Maybe you've got parenting down pat, but not everyone does. I personally wouldnt go on the show because i feel like i've got a great handle on parenting my son. Not everyone does though, ya know.

Plus, i think alot of people just want to get on tv. We live in a "reality show" culture where many people want their fifteen minutes of fame.

Katherine

Well said. I completely agree.


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## delicious (Jun 16, 2003)

well, i watched it once, and i didn't care for it. i would agree that the whole naughty chair deal is shaming and pretty crummy. i also didn't like that the time i watched, the parents didn't seem to have a problem with sleeping with their kids, but she pushed for moving them to their own beds. i try to imagine being the kid in that situation. this weird snotty lady comes in, makes me sleep in my own bed and puts me in the corner. real nice.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Petronella* 
I like Supernanny. And I like how she says 'acceptable'. I don't always agree with every little thing she does, but she's well-intentioned, and while she's not exactly AP, she's also far from mainstream. She also really seems to like kids, which is nice.

Yeah, this is how I perceive her, as well. I rather enjoy her show, actually.


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

I love to watch the show. But like annettemarie, I'm all nodding along at the "play with your children" message, and then WHAM! she's instructing a mom to stop making eye contact with kid and drag them back to the bed or naughty spot for two hours until the child's will is broken.









I think she means well.

But I also think she is a one-trick pony and her punitive methods, over the long haul, could create more problems than they solve. Those kids seem SO angry and frustrated when they're getting put on the naughty spot and no one is listening to them try to talk it out. And then the awful, "Sorry," at the end of it.....it breaks my heart a little.







I can't imagine that's doing good things long-term.


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## frog (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
....but the one thing i found unforgiveable was when she practically forced (through strong convincing and a lot of BS "info")a mom into abruptly weaning her 18 month old daughter from the breast and the family bed.

I had a lot of trouble with that, too, to the point that I posted a break-up letter with her on my blog.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThreeBeans* 
I think her techniques are especially great for a family in crisis-mode. Hopefully as the family situation calms down they can start working towards a place of mutual respect and co-operation, but you can't do that if there is zero order in your lives at all.

I agree with this entirely. I think if you put all discipline methods on a spectrum, with abusive at one end, and the gentlest at the other, she comes out in the middle. Most of the families I have seen her deal with were way close to abusive. So middle is a better place to end up.

I don't like how she deals with bedtime or babies though. I can only watch if it's not going to deal with those issues. (Although to be fair on the bedtime thing, usually family bed isn't working for the parents and they don't like it. I don't like that she encourages CIO, but I can see why she ends family bed sometiems. Not all the time.)


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Twinklefae* 
I don't like that she encourages CIO, but I can see why she ends family bed sometiems. Not all the time.)

I vaguely remember seeing one episode where it was hinted that the kid slept in his parents bed sometimes but it wasn't a problem. I may have imagined it, but I assumed that she only deals with problems that the parents clearly are having.


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## mamatoablessing (Oct 17, 2005)

Well, I haven't read the responses yet but based on other Supernanny threads on MDC, I think a lot of folk disagree with her tactics. I on the other hand feel it's a great alternative for mainstream parents who spank. My SIL has stopped spanking because of Supernanny. I'm proud of her for that. A time out is a better alternative to hitting your own child any day of the week.


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## KA29 (Jan 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoablessing* 
I on the other hand feel it's a great alternative for mainstream parents who spank. My SIL has stopped spanking because of Supernanny. I'm proud of her for that. A time out is a better alternative to hitting your own child any day of the week.

I agree and that is why I don't think she is evil. If nothing else, if it gets people thinking outside the spanking paradigm, I don't think it can be all bad.


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## Azuralea (Jan 29, 2007)

I like the fact she doesn't spank.

But I never believe the supposedly happy endings. Maybe I am a cynic but I generally think that those families are back to their dysfunctional selves within six months, probably sooner.

The show makes me pretty sad, what with all the yelling and unhappy families.


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

well, like the above poster, i'm a bit skeptical of the tv endings but i really do believe that many of the parents do end up treating the kids with more respect and kindness at least for a while. i think that knowing you CAN do it is 1/2 the battle. i'm not too keen on her ideas about babies and toddlers (on one show she told a woman to stop BF her 1yo because it took too much time. maybe she could have brought in a LC for some ideas) but her ideas for kids from about 3 - 10 are really good. when she was with a family where the kids were clamoring for snacks she did this great thing w/ a jar for each kid. they decorated it and chose a pre approved number of snacks for the day. she's big on setting kids up to win. i think alot of parents, especially those who engage in mainstream parenting don't think about these kind of things as a step for the whole family. that's a useful idea to put out there. she's also very into the idea of empathy. she once had a woman who was frustrated w/ her son's ADHD try and read an article then answer questions. the whole time she was doing it the tv was on and she was waring music in headphones. and honestly, she's not engaging in shaming or hitting and she doesn't yell so her methods can't be any worse than what the parents are using.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Did anyone else see the episode where she got into it with a mom who put soap in her son's mouth? She made her read the ingredients and asked why she would feed him something that's obviously toxic.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

I also feel that Supernanny has good intentions, and frequently I think she does well in changing really negative patterns in the home. In general she seems to focus on respect and setting some boundaries that make everybody happier. She frequently pushes disconnected fathers to get more quality time with their children, challenges parents' to remove put-downs and harsh language and replace it with more specific instructions/respectful language, and tries to restore some kind of balance in the household so that everyone feels more secure.

She does seem to be anti-cosleeping and anti-extended bfing, but in general I feel her comments and suggestions are a marked improvement over what was going on in the household before.


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## seeingeyecat (Oct 17, 2005)

Now I dont feel so bad for "enjoying" her book. She does list La Leche League as a resource in the end of the book.
I'm glad we dont have TV access... I think I could really get sucked in to these parenting shows, even if just to make me feel smug.


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## diamond lil (Oct 6, 2003)

I love watching this show as well as Nanny 911. I think the shows are all hysterical, although I think it should be called Parenting 911. The problems seem to stem from the parents, and some from the kids themselves but it never ceases to shock me as to how clueless some adults can be. Quite a bit of the household problems are directly corrolated to dads who have "checked out." They have little or no involvement in their children's lives and the mothers are burned out and hanging by a thread.

I saw a re-run of Nanny 911 last night about a couple that had three THREE sets of twins who had complete run of the house. It was scary. I had to stop watching it, lol.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

I've only seen the show a few times, but really, other than the naughty chair I find her to be very respectful to children. She was very upset w/ a mom who put soap in child's mouth. She seems good at helping to get some order into some very chaotic, unhappy homes.

Also, considering so many families are pro-spanking, shout a lot, etc, I find her to have more in common w/ GD parenting.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Did anyone else see the episode where she got into it with a mom who put soap in her son's mouth? She made her read the ingredients and asked why she would feed him something that's obviously toxic.

I saw that episode! I loved what she did to that mom - the mom totally deserved it!


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## innle (Mar 16, 2007)

I definitely don't think she's evil; I rather like her approach (more for older children than younger, though) - she seems to advocate respect for one's children. While I'm sure that the happy endings don't always last, at least the parents have some new tools they can potentially use!


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Did anyone else see the episode where she got into it with a mom who put soap in her son's mouth? She made her read the ingredients and asked why she would feed him something that's obviously toxic.

I did and I thought it was great that she criticized soap in the mouth on national TV. I hope it made a lot of other parents stop doing that.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heather8* 
I also feel that Supernanny has good intentions, and frequently I think she does well in changing really negative patterns in the home. In general she seems to focus on respect and setting some boundaries that make everybody happier. She frequently pushes disconnected fathers to get more quality time with their children, challenges parents' to remove put-downs and harsh language and replace it with more specific instructions/respectful language, and tries to restore some kind of balance in the household so that everyone feels more secure.

She does seem to be anti-cosleeping and anti-extended bfing, but in general I feel her comments and suggestions are a marked improvement over what was going on in the household before.


And she's against hitting and is very clear about that. I haven't seen her do anything with co sleeping, but she does want older kids, like 3 and up in their own beds, I think it has more to with making sure a family has balance. A lot of families she's working with have 3 or more children, and she's working to solve problems. I don't think she'd have a problem with cosleeping or extended BF if the family were in balance, but I do feel she works on things, like making sure the family isn't up all night with sleep issues, and that if a mom is giving all the attention to an infant and the other kids needs aren't getting met, she tries to help the parents find a better balance. I don't think she's anti BF or cosleeping per se, but she will suggest changes if it's causing stress.


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## Shonahsmom (Mar 23, 2004)

I like a lot of her ideas with older children. I liked the idea she presented for an older sibling who was falling between the cracks because of the high demands of the younger siblings. SN suggested a box where the kid could write letters throughout the day about herself and things she was feeling. At the end of everyday, her parents were to sit with her and read the letters, without judgement or anger about anything she wrote, acknowledge and validate her feelings and if there were problems, discuss solutions.

I also like a lot of the games and activities she suggests, especially the ones that get the parents super involved and get siblings working together as a team. She really does have some great ideas in that arena.

However, I HATE the forced apologies at the end of time outs as much as I hate the time outs. Its sooo coercive and, IMO, ineffective. It makes me feel a little queasy every time I see it. I also hate her cold-turkey forced weanings of bottles and pacifiers for older babies.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
I did and I thought it was great that she criticized soap in the mouth on national TV. I hope it made a lot of other parents stop doing that.

She also really lays into parents (esp. dads) who are either detached or abusive/threatening/bullying.

I like that she calls these guys bullies. I know it is all set up for TV, but I like that the show does show guys having a change of heart about how their behavior is impacting their kids - and they often get really upset and cry on TV.

I personally think this show is actually positively impacting male gender roles in the US in that it is showing dads don't have to be the all strong, all powerful authority, but rather involved, nurturing, caring people who have an obligation to their families to be there (and be more than a paycheck or policeman).

Personally, I would LOVE to see more diversity of families - same sex couples, more single parent families (there have been a few), etc.

{short shameful confession} I also love to watch wife swap. But that is mainly because a sizable percentage of the families are insane. Makes me feel normal (not a usual feeling IRL, lol).


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## AllieFaye (Mar 7, 2007)

I think it's a shame that no one told her that "naughty" in American English is a more loaded term than it is in British English. Sometimes, she's gone over the line, such as with an opposition to extended nursing. Mostly, I think she's a great help to families that would never consider AP or gentle discipline.


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## thebarkingbird (Dec 2, 2005)

i know that naughty has some sexual connotations in america but i kind of like at least attempting to use if for children. naughty doesn't seem to imply a steady state as much as "bad" does. "you're being naghty" or "that was a naughty thing to do" sounds so much better than "that's bad!" there's more info there than just calling someone wrong.

i too love that she often tells the parents that the problems are with THEM. yes, kids can misbehave and they can have sour dispositions (my mother said i was contrairy from birth. my husband agrees) but kids, like all people do what works and there's no way a normal, healthy child would do some of the things the kids on that show are doing with such regularity unless their parents reinforced it. i don't think that's bashing. it's empowering really. you can't change anyone else but for a parent who feels trapped, knowing they can change themselves and the dynamic in their home can be enormously helpful.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thebarkingbird* 
i. naughty doesn't seem to imply a steady state as much as "bad" does. "you're being naghty" or "that was a naughty thing to do" sounds so much better than "that's bad!" there's more info there than just calling someone wrong.

i .


OMG, that is so right about the word " naughty." I never thought if it that way!


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## talk de jour (Apr 21, 2005)

That's a really good point about 'naughty'!


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

I love that show. Usually in that show, it's the parents who don't know how to parent and by the end of the show everyone is acting way better


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## lula (Feb 26, 2003)

It isn't how I parent 100%, it isn't completely my ideal way to parent but I like Supernanny. The people I know who watch the show (a test group of 3 which is not that large but it is all I have to go on) have ALL become more gentle, less punitive and overall more relaxed about their parenting. I think that all of the children have benefited. I even gave the book to my pro-spanking friend who was pregnant and she credits it as one of the reason she/her dh decided NOT to spank.

I don't think she is evil


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## Jennifer Z (Sep 15, 2002)

It also seems like most of the time she is against co-sleeping or extended nursing, it is because it isn't working for _that family_. These are families where mom is often so burned out that she can't parent well any more and needs a break. If there isn't good support

IMO, weaning and not co-sleeping sucks, but in some of the cases I can see her point. Both of these situations require that all parties are comfortable with the arrangment.

I don't agree with everything she does, but it is nice to have a non-spanking person like her that is acceptable to the mainstream so it isn't just the "wierd girl"(me) that thinks spanking is bad.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I like Supernanny too







I think it is really nice to see someone presenting real stratagies and alternatives to spanking/yelling/etc. Yeah, it's TV, and yeah, the families are totally out of control, but Jo doesn't put up with crap from these parents and makes them see that abusive behaviors are not OK. Although, I must admit that I cried a little in that episode where the 18 mo old weaned,and stopped watching for a while. I was pregnant then though!


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

I just saw the one from last week, wow. They had 2 6 year olds and 5 year old that were still drinking out of a sippy. Mom didn't know they could handle a regular cup? She was still wiping butts for them too---that shocked me. I think for that family she really helped them, by helping mom let go and let the kids grow up and be capable.

Overall I really like Jo and her ideas. I think she's really good at digging into the parents issue and trying to fix the kids by first fixing the parents. I think the one size fits all time outs, naughty spot, reward system is a littl goofy and wouldn't even work the same for my two kids, but it seems to work for the families she visits.


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

There's something called triage at a mass casuality incident, used by EMS when Sh!t is going to hell in a handbasket. You figure out who's beyond hope (even if normally you would treat them and try to save them), who needs to be treated RIGHT. NOW, and who can wait a little while (even if normally you'd be treating them immediately.) It's a one size fits all system, and it's fairly effective.

Supernanny is doing triage on mass casuality families


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## marzanmama (Oct 10, 2007)

Well-intentioned. I too enjoy Jo Jo.

I like that she reminds stressed-out moms to enjoy their kids and to connect with them by just playing with them. I know that that's advice I can use now and again.

Also, where else can you tune in to hear use of the word "whilst"?


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## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Or...ASS-EPTABLE?!


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

With my experience, I think I could be a gentle Supernanny without the use of the "naughty chair" and would help parents even more.

That said, I've watched one full episode - the one where the mom squirted antibacterial soap in her son's mouth. And as AP and GD as I am personally, the Supernanny's techniques were MILES above what the parents were already doing. So if she can help them to get even a few steps further towards GS from hitting, screaming, ignoring, cursing, setting kids up to lie, lifting them by one arm and carrying them down the stairs, taking away a toddler's food for being messy (all in that one episode) then more power to her!


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PikkuMyy* 
With my experience, I think I could be a gentle Supernanny without the use of the "naughty chair" and would help parents even more.

That said, I've watched one full episode - the one where the mom squirted antibacterial soap in her son's mouth. And as AP and GD as I am personally, the Supernanny's techniques were MILES above what the parents were already doing. So if she can help them to get even a few steps further towards GS from hitting, screaming, ignoring, cursing, setting kids up to lie, lifting them by one arm and carrying them down the stairs, taking away a toddler's food for being messy (all in that one episode) then more power to her!

Those people were messed up. I loved how she got all pissy that it wasn't wrong to put soap in the kid's mouth. Like it was totally normal to do that and she really didn't get why everyone was so upset. Guarantee she still does it too.


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## dolphinkisser (Dec 26, 2003)

did anyone see last night? Now i am reminded of why it has been 2 years since i watched that show. Jo has got to be the most condescending self-righteous woman i have ever met.
She had no right to call that mother LAZY...she has 4 children under 7 years old. I would like to see Jo try to handle this 24/7...she doesn't even have one child.
I also did not like how she got an attitude with the mother because the mother dared disagree with her instead of yessing her like a bobble head because Jo the expert can do no wrong. The mother was just voicing her opinion and isn't there room for discussion when she is at your house?
I did not see anything exceptionally bad by the way the kids behaved. For goodness sake...that boy was only one years old and she is referring to him as a terror.
The 3 year old did a very common thing i believe for kids that age...she took something from the store without paying for it. Well..my child was doing that at 3 and we kept on her and she did eventually stop at 4.
And why can't she comfort the baby when she is at a restaurant instead of letting the baby scream for 16 minutes. That is so unfair to the other diners!! I would never think of being so selfish and ignore my baby in the middle of a restaurant with other patrons trying to eat. That Jo is such a b*#@&!!


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## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

I did watch some of last night's show and was surprised at how much she was calling the mother lazy. I also didn't think the kids were as bad as some of the kids, but Jo didn't just go knocking on a random door, the parents felt they needed help, so they should've been expected to listen to what she was saying w/o all the giggling. I fell asleep before the restaurant part, so I don't know how it all ended. I don't know if it was a bad night or what, but I usually don't see Jo has being as self-righteous as she was last night. To me, she is usually more sympathetic. I thought the mother would say when she gets nervous she giggles or whatever - was that her problem?


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## dolphinkisser (Dec 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1xmom* 
I did watch some of last night's show and was surprised at how much she was calling the mother lazy. I also didn't think the kids were as bad as some of the kids, but Jo didn't just go knocking on a random door, the parents felt they needed help, so they should've been expected to listen to what she was saying w/o all the giggling. I fell asleep before the restaurant part, so I don't know how it all ended. I don't know if it was a bad night or what, but I usually don't see Jo has being as self-righteous as she was last night. To me, she is usually more sympathetic. I thought the mother would say when she gets nervous she giggles or whatever - was that her problem?

I laugh when i get nervous. I laughed when i crashed my car into someone elses car while they were driving. I got out of the car and when i saw the woman's face, I could not stop laughing...i know it looked bad but i was so upset and the more i tried to stop laughing the more it came out. Jo really needed to give that mother some slack...she probably was nervous having her family broadcast on television.


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## KimProbable (Jun 22, 2005)

I used to watch the show occasionally. About the only good thing was that I felt better about my own parenting because we were never as bad off as the families on the shows!

I detest her use of the naughty spot (which my Mom informs me has been changed to a different term this season?). I dislike her use of bribery to reinforce good behavior.

Mostly, though, I completely lost any interest in her when a mom who frequently wore her toddler in a sling was told to quit "carrying her around like a monkey". This same mom was told to stop nursing her so often because the toddler wasn't going to grow and develop properly if she didn't have her own space. From what I remember, this mom ran a busy dayhome and had several children of her own. It looked to me like the toddler asked to nurse frequently because it was the only way she would keep in touch with mom in a very busy home.

I certainly don't think Jo is evil, but she and I are on very different paths.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

i have never seen an episode where she was 'evil' can i have some examples? I always thought she was great.


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## the_queen (Nov 3, 2005)

I used to love watching Supernanny when I was studying childcare at TAFE (which is like vocational college - not as high-level as university, but a tertiary education nonetheless) because she was doing all the stuff I was being taught at TAFE.
But since having children, I find her to be too detached. She doesn't have children, so she can't teach someone how to parent - she can teach child-rearing tips, but at the end of the day how can she fathom the complexities of the mother-child relationship?
One episode I saw had a 2 year old who had co-slept his whole life. Now, granted, the parents didn't want it to continue. Supernanny had the mum do a bedtime routine (dinner bath story bed) and put him in his cot, light off. Mum sits on the floor next to the cot. Staring at the floor. Saying nothing. Listening to her baby scream himself to sleep. The next night, same thing, but sit a few inches closer to the door. And after a few nights she was sitting outside the door, etc etc etc. I was sickened.







That poor baby, he did not understand what was happening, he could sense his mother was still in the room but she wouldn't talk to him, wouldnt' touch him. I'm starting to cry now just thinking about it. That was one of the last episodes I watched, I can't watch it anymore


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

The only episodes where i thought she was "evil" was the ones where she really coerced a mom into abruptly weaning her 18 mo even though the nursing wasnt an issue at all (i think its true that the mom did nurse the child alot *instead* of engaging her in play or treating her like a "big girl" and incorporating her into the home daycare schedule....BUT i think Jo could have given her tips on doing BOTH...the nursing itself was NOT a problem)...that poor baby was moved out of the parents bed and given milk...it was horrible. Then the other episode was as someone else mentioned, when a baby was forced to sleep in his own bed, cold turkey, and screamed and screamed....i was sickened, i was upset.

BUT i think she does really well with older kids...i wouldnt let her get near a baby though! Part of that IMO is that she is a nanny, not a parent, and so the attachment isnt the same....for her, as a nanny, a breastfed infant that is attached to the mother is a problem, an issue, something not needed. She's very matter of fact. A child's cries dont bother her in the same way as it does the parents.

Oh, another episode, i dont think she was 'evil' but there were parents who were like anthropologists or scientists living in someplace like Hawaii, they had two little boys, and they were sorta kinda trying to AP them, but had NO idea what they were doing....i think rather than Jo, they just needed Dr. Sears or something.

Katherine


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dolphinkisser* 
did anyone see last night? Now i am reminded of why it has been 2 years since i watched that show. Jo has got to be the most condescending self-righteous woman i have ever met.
She had no right to call that mother LAZY...she has 4 children under 7 years old. I would like to see Jo try to handle this 24/7...she doesn't even have one child.
I also did not like how she got an attitude with the mother because the mother dared disagree with her instead of yessing her like a bobble head because Jo the expert can do no wrong. The mother was just voicing her opinion and isn't there room for discussion when she is at your house?
I did not see anything exceptionally bad by the way the kids behaved. For goodness sake...that boy was only one years old and she is referring to him as a terror.
The 3 year old did a very common thing i believe for kids that age...she took something from the store without paying for it. Well..my child was doing that at 3 and we kept on her and she did eventually stop at 4.
And why can't she comfort the baby when she is at a restaurant instead of letting the baby scream for 16 minutes. That is so unfair to the other diners!! I would never think of being so selfish and ignore my baby in the middle of a restaurant with other patrons trying to eat. That Jo is such a b*#@&!!

I saw this one too. I think that she shouldn't of called the mother lazy like that, it was out of line. As far as the baby crying at dinner, i am not sure. What is she supposed to do? Hold him the whole time while she was eating? If it were an infant yeah, hold the crying baby but idk about a 1 and half year old. I think she should of Redirected his attention instead of letting him cry though, like show him color crayons. Idk. I think the way Jo taught the 3yo not to steal was a good way, they made a game out of it and she seemed to remember to pay for things from then on.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
The only episodes where i thought she was "evil" was the ones where she really coerced a mom into abruptly weaning her 18 mo even though the nursing wasnt an issue at all (i think its true that the mom did nurse the child alot *instead* of engaging her in play or treating her like a "big girl" and incorporating her into the home daycare schedule....BUT i think Jo could have given her tips on doing BOTH...the nursing itself was NOT a problem)...that poor baby was moved out of the parents bed and given milk...it was horrible. Then the other episode was as someone else mentioned, when a baby was forced to sleep in his own bed, cold turkey, and screamed and screamed....i was sickened, i was upset.

BUT i think she does really well with older kids...i wouldnt let her get near a baby though! Part of that IMO is that she is a nanny, not a parent, and so the attachment isnt the same....for her, as a nanny, a breastfed infant that is attached to the mother is a problem, an issue, something not needed. She's very matter of fact. A child's cries dont bother her in the same way as it does the parents.

Oh, another episode, i dont think she was 'evil' but there were parents who were like anthropologists or scientists living in someplace like Hawaii, they had two little boys, and they were sorta kinda trying to AP them, but had NO idea what they were doing....i think rather than Jo, they just needed Dr. Sears or something.

Katherine

thanks for the examples








I haven't seen many episodes where she was dealing with babies, but i agree i would be FURIOUS if i saw an episode where she was trying to wean a baby from it's mother. That is not for anyone to decide except the child and mother.


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