# Sleep Deprived to the point of anxiety attacks! Feeling alone and looking for support



## callahansmama (Mar 21, 2011)

Aaaaaaah! I posted here a couple of days ago about wanting to start co-sleeping with my 10 month old son to see if I could get more sleep (and if he could). I tried last night (I know it was only one night) but it was a disaster. Anytime we have brought him into bed with us in the past it has been only for a couple of hours and he would wake up crying like he does in his crib. I can't seem to easily nurse lying down, I have to prop myself up and it just doesn't seem at all as relaxed and easy as I hoped it would be. He tossed and turned the entire 4 hours he was with me and eventually I put him back in his crib where he slept for 2 hours, woke, nursed, back for 2 for the rest of the night. I wouuld like to try again but I feel like maybe it was even confusing to him as we have never coslept. I wish so much that he would just snuggle in and go to sleep.

I am literally at my wits end! I am crying all the time, spending every minute he naps frantically trying to figure out what to do next, what i could do better to help him sleep. I am desperate to get more than 2 hours of sleep (well less than that because it takes me a while to fall asleep). I love nursing him, want to continue for as long as he wants to but I am certain that he has become accustomed to eating mostly at night and no matter how much more I try to nurse during the day, he is too busy and distracted - even in his dark nursery or laying down. I am starting to feel hopeless and lifeless and like I can't even enjoy my days with him because I am distracted by thoughts of sleep and what I am doing wrong. My partner is a typical man - wants to fix my problems but can't and he has a high stress job and needs his sleep too. I don't even mind the wake ups to nurse if he would go right back to sleep like he used to but its a struggle to get him to go back to sleep and then because of all the nursing I end up changing his diaper a couple of times a night. If I don't, he wakes up with a leak and then we have an even more awake child. I love him and am not resenting him at all but feeling alone and like a failure and like not a single mother that I actually know has or is going through the same thing. I will not let him cry. I did let him cry in 5 minute intervals out of desperation but I quickly realized how damaging and horrible that was. I have read the no cry sleep solution and I am working on rocking him to sleepiness and then putting him down in his crib and patting his back but 90% of the time he immediately pops up and screams so I start over again and eventually just rock him or nurse him to sleep.

I don't expect anyone to have the answers but I just need an ear and maybe some understanding. I feel like I am failing at nighttime parenting. During the day I cuddle him lots, wear him when he is fussy, nurse on demand as well as after naps and I love him with all my heart. His dad and i are fighting constantly because to be frank, I am a tyrant to him because I am so tired and full of anxiety about this.

Thanks for reading this


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## sunwise (Sep 16, 2010)

Hi mama,

I completely sympathize with you! Don't feel like you are failing at nighttime parenting - it can be hard! Things change all the time, so it's hard to get it "right".

I started co-sleeping with my DS when he started his 4-month sleep regression (which he's never really recovered from). So he was just 4 months old, but it was still an adjustment. He had always slept in our room but he was either in a bassinet or his bouncy seat. Here is my experience - and it did take days/weeks to get really comfortable with everything. At first, I would nurse him completely to sleep in our nursery in the rocking chair, then we would take him and put him to sleep in our bedroom in his bassinet. I would just bring him into bed with me after his first waking. In the beginning, I didn't feel comfortable nursing on my side, but over time the back pain and discomfort have gone away. (Make sure you put a pillow behind your back every time!)

Over time, it got more and more difficult to transfer him from the nursery to the bassinet. So one night I had the bright idea to nurse him to sleep in bed, thinking it would be easy since he nurses in bed during the night. Well, it was a disaster! He was screaming and did not want to nurse in bed at that time. After that night, we started a hybrid approach (which continues to this day) where I nurse him in our rocking chair in the nursery until he is drowsy, then DH takes him and puts him in our bed. If he goes to sleep there, we leave him. If he wakes up, we nurse lying down until DS is asleep. (Now he will allow himself to be nursed to sleep in bed without screaming.) At this point, I am pretty sure that I could nurse him all the way to sleep in my bed without him protesting, but I don't see any reason to change the routine.

We don't do any nighttime diaper changes - I would recommend that you try to find a diaper that will allow you to stay in bed all night without diaper changes. They are too disruptive.

One thing I will say though is that DS still wakes frequently - he can go 4-5 hours in his first sleep stretch, but after that he usually wakes hourly. I just feel more rested because he is right next to me in bed and I barely have to move him to nurse.

I hope this helps! I would say that you should persist for at least a few more nights before you call it a failure. Things will probably get better (at least that's my experience).


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## Beebsmom (Mar 23, 2011)

Oh mama,

I am SO sorry to hear this! Having delt with panic attacks my entire adult life, I know how exhausting they can be ON TOP of being exhausted from having a 10 month old! My DS is 6 months old and has now just started enjoying eating at night as well. I think he prefers to nurse and then fall asleep...so we usually feed him in bed (he is formula fed), and let him drift off for a nap. But this has become counter-productive because now he only wants to eat in tbed, and only wants to eat when sleeping through the night!

I have a feeling this is something they are just going to have to work out...he takes 2-2hour naps during the day...but I'm trying to encourage him to eat more frequently. We are just now introducing solids...so we are able to hopefully get him hungry more during the day.

Have you tried putting something like a boppy in his crib to prop him up on to sleep...and then perhaps you would be able to move the boppy into bed with you and get him accustomed that way?

I'm not sure about where you are...but here the weather is getting nicer and nicer....we took DS on a walk the other day for 2 hours and he was SOOO exhausted at night and slept 5 hours straight which was HEAVEN!

The only advice I have is to try and make his crib similar to your bed and vise versa...and see if that works? I also only let DS nap in my arms...that seemed to get him accustomed to naps in bed...then we transitioned to night time.

Good luck, hang in there...and if you are truly exhausted...it's time for someone else to take over the night time wake ups...bring DS to you to nurse, then rock him back to sleep. We also do not do diaper changes at night...in the morning they weigh about 10lbs....but they hold!

Hang in there! Let us know how you do!


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## LittleBirdy (Apr 28, 2008)

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *sunwise*
> 
> Hi mama,
> 
> ...


This. All of it. I think we might be parenting the same child!

We started full time, all night cosleeping when DS was 5 months. I would wake up in the morning and want to cry, I was so tired! But I kept doing it, because I would have been just as tired if I had to keep getting up all night long anyway. Eventually I got my system down & baby got used to it and now most nights I wake up feeling rested even if he nurses hourly.

Definitely find a pillow for your back. Experiment with different pillows of different thicknesses to find the one that works for you (I use an old flat one).

Also experiment with different pj's for yourself. It sounds insane, but one night I happened to go to bed in a long sleeved t shirt with a nursing camisole underneath - BINGO! My arms and tummy stayed warm all night and that just helped me immensely.

And the most important thing: find a way to turn off your brain. Don't think about how this is the nth time he's woken up to nurse, don't think of how long it's been since you got a decent night's sleep, don't think about how many more nights you can possible endure this (or at least, don't think about these things at night). Think about something that makes you happy - his smile, something cute that he does, or a (non-sleep related) milestone that's coming up that you're looking forward to. If you can relax your brain, the prolactin released when you nurse will creep in and help you get back to sleep and THAT'S the key to it all. You might get woken up 8 times in one night but instead of being awake for 20 minutes, you're awake for 5 tops.

Basically, just practice, practice, practice. I am to the point now where I can switch baby to the other side, arrange my pillow & covers and barely even fully wake up. I never thought that would be possible!

Hang in there mama!! It is really really really hard, I know but I promise you it WILL get better!


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

((hugs)) It sounds like you've got so much on you. My thoughts while reading your post: Have you tried putting the crib next to your bed or in your room? Have you had your thyroid checked (thyroid issues can cause anxiety attacks and are common in nursing mothers)? Can you afford a night doula? Have you and/or baby seen a chiropractor? Have you tried limiting nursing before dinner so that he'll eat table food, then nurse him. I find that when I nurse my son in the anytime within a few hours before we eat dinner, he won't eat and then he nurses a lot at night.

I know how desperate you feel. I hope it gets better soon.

Lisa


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## Tattooed Hand (Mar 31, 2009)

I'm sorry you are going through this. MY DD woke up every 30-90 minutes ALL night long from when she was 4 months until she was 11 months. Some stuff from the No cry sleep solution worked, but really, she just started sleeping better at one point. White noise and black out curtains helped a little. I cannot imagine having to get up to go to another room though. I moved DD out of our bed though when she was 8 months old because she flails around in her sleep too much. All our beds are on the floor and she sleeps on a twin pressed up against my side. At 11-12 months she started sleeping first 5 and more hour stretches. Then last month, at 14 months, I night weaned her partly, so that we don't nurse from 11-4, so I can get one solid block. It took almost 3 weeks for her to stop waking up and now we get 5-7 hour stretches. I think it might take some getting used to, but your LO will get used to co-sleeping. 10 months is just generally a bad sleep age. Hang in there and try to get some sleep however you can...


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## JuliMummy (Apr 9, 2010)

I feel for you. It is really horrible to be so tired and exhausted. You sound like me just a few months ago.

I agree with what the other posters said. He should start to sleep better soon. You're probably at the lowest point now and hopefully things will start to improve slowly. In the meantime you have to do what you can to get the most sleep possible for you. Which, as we all know, is easier said that done.

Something that helped us was putting a single mattress on the floor next to our bed. There just wasn't enough room in our bed for everybody. This way when she woke up I would get down onto her bed with her and feed her back to sleep. I would either fall asleep too or, most of the time, go back into my bed once she was back asleep. Over a few months the time between wake-ups increased. As of a week and a half ago we are fully night-weaned and she now only wakes a couple of times a night and goes back to sleep really quickly. So while she has yet to sleep through the night for the first time, I am definitely getting enough sleep now to cope with my days.

As for the co-sleeping in general, it is probably a good idea to persevere for a bit longer. Try different positions until you find one that's reasonably comfortable and allows you to sleep. It does take a while.

I also agree that you should try to avoid changing diapers during the night. If you're using cloth, maybe consider disposables just for night-time. They are a lot more absorbant and it means you have one less thing to worry about during the night.

All the best and let us know how you get on.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I coslept with both of mine and found it easy to just roll over and nurse in my half sleep. It wasn't all that disruptive. In the second year it became more disruptive. We both kind of outgrew that real easy nurse/sleep thing and so I weaned.

My point is: frequent nursing at night works well for mothers and babies who can do it in their sleep. If they can't, it has to stop, imo. If both of you are fully waking up multiple times a night... well that's just not enough sleep and probably making him cranky, too.

You could take a weekend and have your DH take over. Pick some new soothing method of your own (rocking, talking etc). Lots of options.

That's what I would do. Hope you get some rest, soon. If you are really going to lose it don't be afraid to pump for the night and go sleep in a hotel. Mental health is nothing to mess with.


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## Snickleson (May 28, 2010)

Hey mama... It's hard and I feel you. I think it was around that age (maybe 11 months for us?) that I really lost my cookies a few times with her sleep habits. For me it wasn't so much the night wakings as the actual getting her to sleep part... which took nursing and then bouncing in the ergo pack for ever and then transferring her into bed and then nursing again and then her waking up so shortly after that... for HOURS!! But it drove me nuts and I literally lost it - I left the room one night when she woke up and went and kicked a hole in the wall. A real hole in a real wall in my house. I am an adult, right?? I was getting so boiling mad that I just couldn't handle it - I would have to leave the room. And it was almost out of my control. I signed up for an anger management class, but by the time it started things were going smoothly again. But my 15 month old is still waking up 5 or 6 times a night, and I just started getting up with her and bouncing her back to sleep, because at some point she has to stop nursing all night long (right??) and she too was leaking through her diapers (even disposables!) And also she hasn't been nursing down as easily as she used to. But I think our sanity as mama's is an important part of being a good mama, and being in good mental health helps us love and mother our child best. If what you're doing at night isn't working, it might be time for a change. Make your husband get up with him a time or two and rock him or bounce him or whatever back to sleep. (For us, we have to put her in a backpack and bounce... the rocking chair simply won't do!) I know that's easier said than done, as I have a really hard time making my partner get up at night too. But no matter how high-stress his job is, your job is probably higher stress right now!! I like JuliMummy's idea of the mattress on the floor... I'm thinking that's our next step too. Anyway, you are doing your best, and it always gets better. Just take care of your self too!


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Night-nursing takes practice for both of you, don't expect it to work right away. I would say continue with it for at least a week to see if it works. It took me a long time to get comfortable with it, and I put in a lot of very uncomfortable hours getting used to having a breast exposed at night, sleeping on my side, not sleeping with covers, being kicked and punched, and figuring out where on earth I could put my arms. It takes time, no mother-baby pair comes out of the box ready to sleep with each other peacefully.

It also sounds like your baby is feeling a lot of anxiety (babies are always sensitive to it). He may need some time to cry in your arms, for advice about this you can visit awareparenting.com.

Also you are doing great! I would have reached my limit of tolerance way before you did. Your son is lucky to have such a dedicated mother.


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## margarettim (Nov 21, 2010)

Hi mama,

it took me a while to get used to nursing lying down. I started by experimenting with it at daytime (before or after DD's nap time). And once my DD got used to it and I figured out a comfy position, we did it at night, too. It helps me a lot to handle DD's 2 hourly night wakings without feeling totally wiped out. Also, I stopped looking at what time it is when she wakes because it just seemed to switch on the rational part of me and then it was harder to fall asleep. Somehow, when I don't count the night wakings they are easier to handle.


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## Ginger Bean (Mar 10, 2011)

The best thing I did for *my* sleep was to get rid of my alarm clock with the glowing red numbers. It was like this thing staring me in the face, taunting me all night.

Whether my son woke up 2 times or 6 times, I got back to sleep easier. When I wasn't constantly reminded of what time it was, I was able to relax and nurse him while dozing myself. He would unlatch when he had enough and go back to sleep. Sometimes I didn't wake up until an hour later and would find him peacefully sleeping with his mouth next to my nipple -- it was cute!


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## scrandall1173 (Sep 21, 2008)

hi Mama- I didn't have time to write my story but saw this article and thought of you. Just to say, you are not alone!!!

Nina and I, Winning All-Night Nursing Game

Instinctively, and still bleary eyed, I opt for the co-sleeping, nurse-to-sleep method

In response to March 27th's "Oscar's been winning all-night crying game". Ms. Withey I commend your bravery and humor in this article and I truly believe Oscar is lucky to have a mom that will pass these strengths on to him. I don't mean to offend with this letter as I have also been in your shoes: exhausted, on the fourth trip to nurse the baby in a two hour span, replaying my favorite criticsms in my head, wondering if I am infact spoiling her and how long could I just let her cry it out? I understand where you are at, but think it's unfortunate that you seem to have only heard from one side of the coin: I wanted to offer another perspective on the same Mommy frustrations.

I have been co-sleeping with my 10 month old daughter and nursing on demand, including nursing her to sleep. I have heard criticsms along the way from people as important to me as my Mother and my Pediatrician that subtley, and often not so subtley, hinted that this was catering to baby's whim and if I continued to spoil her she would never learn important self dependent skills such as falling asleep on her own. Recently I have begun bringing up the topic of making a seperate bedroom for our daughter as I was starting to feel that still waking up every three, often two, and sometimes Every hour must not be normal and that I must have been wrong when following my gut feeling to nurse her to sleep.

In the past two months my daughter has met two remarkable milestones! She went from having no teeth, but complaining of teething pain since seven weeks, to five teeth; these have been trying times with lots of tears, possibly more mine than hers. The second milestone has been for me more shocking, enduring, and at the same time heartbreaking: she has begun falling asleep on her own. It began slowly at first, rather than me prying her off my nipple after she had passed out, she would unlatch herself and resettle just slightly removed from me, I barely even noticed it happening. Then one night she got her legs up under herself while nursing, as if doing her acrobatics, but then she popped off to crawl slightly away and flop herself down by herself. I felt proud of her that she had taken a step towards autonomy, needing that personal space, but it was sad it had to be a step that took her a little bit further from me.

Just the other day my daughter had been having a rough day from teething pain, and it continued into a rough night. Several trips in to soothing her, my patience is wearing thin, it feels my breasts are wearing thin, even baby seems certain she's not getting anything from them any more, and I am thinking about leaving her to cry for a moment while I calm down, after all I know she isn't even getting any milk any more: why am I even here? Then my daughter reached out to me in the dark and held my hand. In the past I could only hold her hand if she had been too tired to resist me. In that instant she reminded me why it was that I continue - yes, sometimes after taking a time out - to answer to her crys, and sit with her stroking her and singing even when she cries through it, that it is not just a game to win my attention, but an honest need for it, and love of it that makes her cry out for me in the night, and settle to gentle mews upon hearing me enter the room. She held my hand, and then settled herself back down and finally drifted off to sleep; it wasn't her memory and need of my arms, or breasts that finally settled her, it was simply knowing I was there with her.

I am so thankful that my daughter chose to learn this importance step towards independence right at the time I was starting to waiver in my personal choices in parenting. I'm also very thankful to my friends and in turn the support they've recieved through the ASAC Parent groups and Lecture series, I would encourage other Moms in the Edmonton area to start there if there are needing a place for support or ideas on alternative parenting approaches.


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## scrandall1173 (Sep 21, 2008)

One more thought.. Have you read Dr Sears' Baby Sleep Book? Not necessarily for cosleep info but for considering other causes of night-waking. Thinking chapters 3 and 11 may be helpful?

I had to formula feed my oldest, so my perspective may be different...although she woke up at least twice a night at that age-- she was just a hungry girl. Anyway, wondering if folks at a La Leche meeting may have some insights to share?

Best wishes. Hang in there. If nothing else, time makes it better.


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## callahansmama (Mar 21, 2011)

Thanks everyone! I realize looking back now that I was having a really bad day! lol Things aren't nearly as bad as they seem at your weakest moment and now I can see that. I know that I put too much pressure on myself that I feel from my mom (well meaning but pressure none the less), other moms, society... and I worry that I am making mistakes when following my heart and just being there for my son is what matters. I love the article from scrandall1173! Love it so much. It made me cry. I am taking things day by day and often co-sleeping in the last stretch of the night. My boy may never sleep "like a baby" but he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and it really doesn\t matter in the scheme of things. Thank you all for you advice and an ear


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## mt momma (Feb 15, 2011)

It sounds like you've gotten some great support and information already! I'm up at 3am and can't sleep (MUCH different from my life 1 year ago when I wasn't sleeping because my girl wasn't sleeping!)

So a few thoughts are fleeting through my brain...how does your son do with naps? Is he getting a good solid nap (or a couple of naps) throughout the day? How does he go down for those sleep sessions? Is it the same struggle and slippery slope to get him to nap as it is for nighttime sleep? It was the most bizzare concept to me, but it actually was very true for us that good sleep begets good sleep. Instead of your up all day, no nap kid crashing in the evening, instead it works in the opposite way, a sleepy kid gets more sleepy and more cranky and more away from a kid that sleeps.

How much sleep total is he getting? Naps + estimated nighttime sleep should be about 12 1/4 to 11 3/4 hrs sleep. If he's not quite getting this, consider upping his nap times or trying to offer it more times a day.

Is he getting enough fresh air during the day? I found if we were outside at some point during the day, she slept better at naps, then slept better at night.

How does your nighttime routine go? Have you sat down for a few mintues with your hubby and really detailed at what time you start and what the routine is. You are the best one to decide if you can create a schedule that DS is agreeable to that would allow you to not nurse as the last thing that happens as he falls asleep. For my situation, thank God for boobs, because we both would be in serious jepordy without them! I slowly (very slowly) was able to make the progress to start saying a key phrase to her as she was nursing (I started nursing sitting up) so as she started to get sleepy eyes (and later and I was getting more and more ready for bed/sleep) I say "it's almost time for sleeping", I say that two times, the third time I say "it's time to sleep" and we stop nursing and lay down together. I stay in the room with her and my bed time is her bed time. It's been a challenge to not have free time at the end of the day - but my kid is sleeping and getting better and better at it as she gets older. I'm not having crazy mommy hallucinations/panic attacks because I'm sleeping.

Oh, which reminds me - I was thinking that maybe you should sleep with DS on his naps for a week or so. Give yourself time to catch up on your own sleep, then you can hit the books/internet again on what SMALL next step you can take to help the both of you get a more restful night.

I've been there and there isn't a book that has what I did. I took the peices that worked and let the rest go if it didn't feel right or work for us.

Much Luck to you -

krstn


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## mt momma (Feb 15, 2011)

I failed to mention my DD is almost three, we still have nursing as part of our nightime routine & I still go to sleep w/ her....


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## MsFortune (Dec 5, 2010)

Sleep is important. You can't be happy or be a good mom without it. Your baby has needs, but you have them too.

Have you tried a pacifier? My son had a high need to suck and this really helped me soothe and get him back down to sleep, without eating. So he started to eat during the day more and less at night.

Sleep nursing is hard - it does take practice. Try doing it when you are not stressed or trying to get him to sleep.

I also found another position to nurse lying down. I'd lie on my back, and put DS up against my chest on his knees, like he was kneeling. Then lean him over onto my boob. So his face was almost aimed down onto my boob. Not quite - because he could breathe. My theory in trying this position was that if he was drinking upright, he would get less gas so I would not have to burp him. I don't stand by that theory (it came to me in some bleary sleep deprived night) but it led to this position. If you can't get comfortable with the standard nurse and sleep position, give this a try.

Or the pacifier.


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## Summer1216 (Aug 18, 2010)

I was about to post the exact same thing on this forum. I sometimes feel like I'm at my wits end with my (nearly 9mo old) DS.

He gets tired at the same time every day (give or take 30 minutes). I nurse him in the rocker til his eyes close (about 10-25min). Then put him down on the bed and lay with him til he's solidly asleep. Then pry my nipple out of his mouth and sneak out...

Usually 20-40 minutes later he's crying again and I have to go lay down with him for 5 minutes while he puts himself back to sleep. This repeats *all night* til I go to bed... then all through the night if I un-latch or pull away from him. It's driving me absolutely crazy! DH sleeps on the floor next to us because there's just not enough space for the three of us in our queen sized bed. DS rolls, kicks, thrashes etc... Actually he rolled himself off the bed last night (mattress on the floor, and he fell onto DH's sleeping mat). I haven't slept more than an hour at a time in months. We tried some gentle sleep training and it didn't work - he still woke up every 20-40 minutes demanding my attention. I tried not nursing him to sleep and he screamed himself hoarse. I tried holding/rocking him instead of nursing him when he woke at night (when I knew he wasn't hungry)... he went absolutely rigid and was kicking his legs and clawing at my chest. When my husband quit his job to stay home, he tried taking over the night waking by holding him in the rocker and singing to him. DS screams and tries to push/kick his way out of DH's arms. We tried this for several days - and he screamed for hours, only to wake up 30-40 minutes later and do it again. He won't take pacifiers or bottles. He's a booby boy, and nothing we've done has altered his conviction one bit.

I also feel like I'm going nuts. Last night was horrible - the worst he's had since he was a newborn. He cried/rolled/whimpered all night. He also wanted to breast feed and did horrible things to my poor nipples - Both are now covered in a rash, red, and swollen.

My husband (and mother in law) are talking about a second baby already and I'm already going nuts with this one!!! I work part time (3 days a week) and I have to go to bed by about 8:30pm and stay in bed til 7:30 or so in order to get enough sleep that 2 cups of coffee will get me through the day. My friends brag about how their babies (even at 2-3 months old) sleep for 4-6 hours without waking, and babies my sons age sleep 10 hours without waking, and I get SO frustrated. Some days CIO looks REALLY tempting.

But then I hear him crying "mamama!" it just breaks my heart and I can't *not* go to him.

It helps to know other moms are doing this and I'm not just an idiot for not ' training him ' well. And I hope, hope, hope that he out grows this phase in the near future. Fortunately, my job isn't demanding enough (and my husband is supportive enough during the day) that I can endure a few more months of this if I have to... for our son. AAAAAAAAAAAG!


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## mangogirl (Apr 6, 2011)

That was a beautiful article that was posted. Thank you for sharing (all of you!) This is a great thread to come and visit on the day after a rough night. The beautiful thing is that you will never have 2 nights the same, and that you know that you are really not alone. Moms and babes around the world are all going through the same thing.


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## audreysan (Apr 13, 2011)

I feel for you!! My first baby was a preemie, so I had to wake him up every two hours to feed him, whether he wanted or not, so as to insure his weight gain. This set the rhythm for the entire first year, he just molded to that schedule. I was so exhausted which effected my milk supply, which effected my confidence in nursing. But, I stuck with it and everything worked out. Everyone who has replied has pretty much covered anything I have to offer. One of the things that really helped was having a partner who would do at least one shift in the night with a bottle. So if you have pumped milk and baby will take a bottle, maybe you can try it on the weekend. Do you have anyone who can help with that if your partner can't? Friend or family member? There are postpartum doulas you can hire, and if you can not afford one, there are doulas in training who will sometimes work for free or on a sliding scale to get the experience. Go to the DONA website and see if they can help find someone in your area. Don't even look at a clock! Don't keep track of the time. It doesn't matter. Go to bed when your baby does, even if its at 7 or 8 at night, and take naps when he does. I am a terrible nap taker, so that was very hard for me. Even if you just lay down for an hour and close your eyes, it helps. When I had my second child, I bought ear plugs and sleeping mask and mastered the art of naps! Lots of love to you.


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## ContentMama (Oct 13, 2010)

Thank you ladies for sharing honestly! Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind as well. Some nights DS is tired of nursing and just CANNOT get back to sleep even though he's clearly exhausted! This will be after he's sucked both of my boobs dry! I usually end up having to get up and rock him back to sleep. And when I'm so tired like that I start to think irrationally. It is a very hard part of being a mother for sure.

I keep wondering if women have been suffering like this at night forever or if there used to be more of a collective of women who would help each other so that mother could get some sleep some nights...


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## NessieO (Apr 17, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Ginger Bean*
> 
> *The best thing I did for my sleep was to get rid of my alarm clock with the glowing red numbers.* It was like this thing staring me in the face, taunting me all night.
> 
> Whether my son woke up 2 times or 6 times, I got back to sleep easier. When I wasn't constantly reminded of what time it was, I was able to relax and nurse him while dozing myself. He would unlatch when he had enough and go back to sleep. Sometimes I didn't wake up until an hour later and would find him peacefully sleeping with his mouth next to my nipple -- it was cute!


I did exactly the same thing


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## Mom of 2 boys (Mar 14, 2011)

So glad to see this after the night I had. DS was up every 2 hours or so and wanted to nurse. Course I worked on Sunday as well and didn't have as much time to catch up on my sleep this weekend (DH usually does early AM on the weekends so I can sleep in and not be a grouch all weekend).

DS is only 8 mos and I think he is too young to deny nursing, but I can't really sleep with him in the bed anymore since he moves way too much. We bed-shared from day 1, but had to go to co-sleeping most of the night (DS in a crib in our room) around 6 mos since he moved so much that I was waking up every time he twitched.

I reached a point with DS #1 around 11 months when we let him cry during certain feedings at night (1:30 am). Not all night feedings, but some. He was in a crib in our room and we talked and sang to him but didn't take him out to nurse. He hated it but the crying only lasted 3 days or so. The longest he cried was 45 mins. It seemed like forever and DH and I weathered it together. It was this or quit breastfeeding for me. I had turned into such a grouch from sleep deprivation, it was really affecting my relationship with DH and my work. Once I got rid of 1 nighttime feed so I could have some REM sleep, he kinda phased out the rest himself little by little.

While many moms may not approve, I couldn't function anymore & my pumped milk was for during the day when I was working (DS wouldn't drink frozen so I had a hard time keeping up with him).

I kept nursing DS #1 until he was over 2 - mostly night and morning and some weekend naps. When I look back at it, I enjoyed nursing DS #1 so much more when I wasn't sleep deprived and crazy. I got to interact with my son, sing to him and really be there for him this way instead of just wishing him to hurry up and be done so I could sleep a little. He is very attached to myself and DH so I don't think it harmed him.

That said, still haven't done it with DS#2 - he isn't ready yet. I think I will know when he is ready and can understand like his brother that "nanas are ni-ni" my breasts are night-night. This is when I did it with DS #1.


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