# "Mommy, have you ever had a three-way?"



## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

My words
DS (11) words
DS (7) words

*Ok, so lets start by telling you the first conversation of the day....*

DS (11) wakes up and is just laying across the recliner:
"are you still asleep?"
No, but I had a nightmare!
Really? What was it about?
Well, me and daddy had a race and we won but you were not there.
What kind of race, like a running race?
No, it was a maze, but we won and you were not there. I got on a boat and went to look for you. When I got the the hotel I went into your room and you were having sex with some guy.








Maybe it was *insert DH name here*.
Nope it wasnt him.
Maybe it was *insert three other names here*.








No, I know it was not ** cause ** does not wear a tuxedo, the guy was wearing a tuxedo with a tie.
Oh my *insert DS name here* that was some dream!
No mommy it was a nightmare!!!

*Fast forward to a few hours later, sitting in front of the school waiting on DS (9) to get out of summer-school. Some how we ended up talking about the dream again when DS (11) burst out with....*

Mommy, have you ever had a three-way?








A what?!?!
You know, a three-way.
No honey, I do not know what a three-way is, can you tell me what it is?
When three people have sex in one bed.







You mean MOMMY AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SEX?!?!?
No, just mommy and two other people.
Honey, where on earth did you hear about a three-way?

Will and Grace.
I watched it the other night on tv, it was like midnight and I sneeked the tv on to watch it.







:

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, so I was completely prepared for the sex talk (already had that), the STD talk (had that last week when DSs seen a herpies commercial.. erhrhrh), but no way was I ever prepared for the threesome talk.. I had no freaking clue that my DC would even know what this was a such a young age. I really question having TVs in my home now!

Still, it was amusing!


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## *Devon* (Aug 9, 2004)

Oh. My. Lord. There are no words.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Oh my! I think it's hysterical that he learned about a three way from Will & Grace. I mean, I guess it's fitting, but - oh my! Don't know whether to offer a







: or a


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## babygrant (Mar 10, 2005)

I can't wait until those days.


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

My DS (11) once asked me if he was 'spongeworthy'









he had been watching Seinfeld reruns at his dads house

I had no idea what to say


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

So what did you say when you were done being







: and







?







:


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

ROFLMAO!!
That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!!


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## chersolly (Aug 29, 2004)

Reply with a "Yes. I was young and really needed the money."


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan*
So what did you say when you were done being







: and







?







:

I didnt, the kids starting coming out of the school right then. I started up the car and drove around.

SAVED BY THE BELL!!!


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)




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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chersolly*
Reply with a "Yes. I was young and really needed the money."











He is 11, not really funny, sorry but that was a rather tasteless comment!


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Oh, my!

It sounds like you were pretty calm, all things considered!


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

I can't believe how well you handled that.







Good job mama! I would have died







:


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

OMG too funny!!!
Dh and I watched that episode the other day and mentioned that soon we'd need to be careful because when we laughed Molly laughed too


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

LOL how funny, and shocking I am sure. It's cool that they feel comfy enough to ask you stuff though.


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## chersolly (Aug 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*









He is 11, not really funny, sorry but that was a rather tasteless comment!

It was not tasteless. Isn't this a laugh tread?


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*
LOL how funny, and shocking I am sure. *It's cool that they feel comfy enough to ask you stuff though.*









You have no clue, my DC are super comfy with talking to me and DH about things, my boys do not talk to their own father about things like this, nor their step-monstor.. so I am super happy that they can .. I just hope and pray that they remain comfy with talk like this in the future.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chersolly*
It was not tasteless. Isn't this a laugh tread?

Well of course, every time I come back here I laugh, it is funny.. but I do not feel that making a comment about telling my 11 yr old son that I have had a 'three-way' when I was younger for $ is funny.

Sorry, my humor does not seem to bend that way... not tonight at least.. let me come back in the AM and maybe then I will find it funny.


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*
Well of course, every time I come back here I laugh, it is funny.. but I do not feel that making a comment about telling my 11 yr old son that I have had a 'three-way' when I was younger for $ is funny.

Sorry, my humor does not seem to bend that way... not tonight at least.. let me come back in the AM and maybe then I will find it funny.









It was only a joke, and so OBVIOUSLY not meant as actual advice on what to say to the child for real. Just a joke.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)




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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

I hope that if my dd ever asks similar questions I will handle them that well!

(Very clever, btw - using the color coded script!







)


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## mother nurture (Oct 13, 2004)

Wow mama! I will admit it is slightly funny that your dc heard all this on Will and Grace







I would have been floored, though to hear this come out of my 11yo dds mouth when she gets to be that age.


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## frowningfrog (Aug 25, 2005)

:









To funny...I think I would have just about died ..


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## **guest** (Jun 25, 2004)

Funny and disconcerting all in one.


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## Celtain (Mar 10, 2004)

TV as an educator, yeah, great huh. Nothing like Viagra commercials during the super bowl to bring up some VERY interesting questions!!!!


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## JesiLynne (Aug 25, 2004)

I think I would have died.


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## alphaomega2213 (Feb 11, 2006)

my goodness...i think i would flip out if my son said that...granted he is only 5 months old....so at this point i cant really imagine him saying...well...much of anything right now...







but really, wow, i think i would reconsider the tv also....maybe you could get TIVO....i know my dad has that and he loves it....yea and i dont know if i would take away the TV completely becuase some shows are educational, and you dont want him to feel like he shouldnt have asked you about what he learns from it....i dont know his personality, or how yall's relationship is, but i would not chance it....he sounds VERY observant!!! thats a good thing!!! sounds like you are doing a great job keeping the line of communication open with him....that is something to treasure...and i know becuase my husband is a youth minister and you would not believe they types of things those kids tell us and wont tell their parents....even at his age!!! it really is shocking...if you can swing it, i would get TIVO!!







:


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Nope, cannot swing nothing at this time much less a TIVO thingy.

I love my children so much, the one thing that I pray they keep for ever is their trust in me. I am so glad they CAN bring such topics to me. Trust is a HUGE thing and to be one of the very few ppl that my DC do trust is awsome, like I said previous, they do NOT talk to their father or step-monstor about things like this.. in fact, they say/..."mommy, why do you 'talk' to us? Daddy never 'talks' to us"

Well hello they are human too, why would I NOT have a conversation with my children?

My mother on the other hand.. well *ahem*.. she gets all bent out of shape at the convos that I have with them. She does NOT feel that at a ripe age of 11,9,7 my sons should know how babies are made, what sex is at all. (they were present for the birth of their 4 yr old sister.. kinda hard not to tell them a few things about birds and bees as they were at the foot of the bed (birds eye view) while I gave birth)
I remember her telling me when I was bout 8-9ish that a man and woman would lay naked and fall asleep and that was how babies were made







:
I always said I would be up front and honest with my children.. no lies, no beating around the bush (no pun intended), complete honesty to every question asked.. although with the 'mommy have you ever had a three-way" I had to not answer that one..

Perhaps when he is 20 I will answer that, but by the time he is 20 hopefully he wont REALLY want the true answer to that question


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## JesiLynne (Aug 25, 2004)

You would be very surprised at the lack of info some kids get sometimes








Even at older ages.


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## alphaomega2213 (Feb 11, 2006)

i dont ever recall my mom and dad ever even telling me about it.....i think i learned more from the people my age and the people i dated....really my older sisters did tell me...um...i think, and i kind of recall my mom saying something, but i think it more embarrassed me than anything....







hopefully i will be about to talk to my kids about the important stuff....just moniter the TV a little closer....at night you could find a way to stop the TV, but then again you dont want to be a police, you want to be a mom...so where is the line??







:


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

My parents never told me about it. I think I learned about it in sex education class in school in 6th grade!! LOL!

When my niece was 5 she said that sometimes people only pretend to be in love because they want to have sex. Her mother is VERY open but is still shocked by the things this girl (youngest of 3) says about life sometimes. Eerily worldly.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chersolly*
Reply with a "Yes. I was young and really needed the money."









:







:







:

I thought your comment was funny.


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## bobica (May 31, 2004)

OMG,I am *so* having dh read this thread!!!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Thank you for reminding me why I don't let my kids watch Will and Grace!!









Seriously, I'll answer any questions about STDs, contraception, erectile dysfunction, what "bad words" really mean- but nothing about my sex life. If I'd been asked that question I would have said "That's private and I'm not going to tell you about my personal sexual experiences." If they wanted general information about what kinds of sex acts a 3-way might entail, I'd answer.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I htink you handled it very well. I like the "what do you think it is?" question. I hope I am always calm enough to ask that first. it is always good to establish what they know and why they are asking. that gives a mom a better idea where to go with the answer.


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Oh sweet mercy! I can't even imagine just driving along and having that conversation come up!! It sounds like you did a good job acting nochalant about it though!


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## wende (Oct 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chersolly*
Reply with a "Yes. I was young and really needed the money."


LOL that sounds like how I'd "actually" respond to that question if it were posed by my 11yo dd. Of course, we live in a house where being a smart ass is part of every day culture and she'd know I was joking...or would I be?







:


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## TypicalSituation (Jan 18, 2006)

OMG!


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## 20605 (Oct 11, 2004)

I just had to throw this in...have had some questions like that from dd (8), but the strangest convo was in a long drive with my MOM (then in her 40's) asking me about...well...uhm.....the big O...









I was in my late 20's...just out of school, living with soon to be dh (so I guess it was obvious, I might have an opinion....)but still.

I quickly realized that its true, people have LOTs of misinformation...even adults!!!!!!

I answered as best as I could, flushed red to the roots of my hair....sigh....


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla*

If I'd been asked that question I would have said "That's private and I'm not going to tell you about my personal sexual experiences." If they wanted general information about what kinds of sex acts a 3-way might entail, I'd answer.

While I do agree with you to a certain extent, I want my children to be comfortable enough to come to me and share things that may be a problem ... (DS #2 has issues due to a botched circ, I would hate for him to feel that he could not come to me if something was wrong at 12-80yrs old)~>NOT saying he will have sex at 12
Of course, I would never share details of my sexual journey with my children...but when they are older and come to me with a funky question about sex, even if it is .. did this kind of thing ever happen to you, what can I do, ect.. I would be honest with them.

I hope and pray that my children remain virgins until marriage, but lets be honest, its not a 100% guarantee that they will.


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

Wow... I think my first reaction would just have been







and then







:

You must have been happy that that school bell rang!


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

OMG too funny! My boys haven't asked too many questions, except my 7 y/o, when I told him about my most recent pregnancy, he said "When did you and daddy have time to have sex?"








:


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital*
OMG too funny! My boys haven't asked too many questions, except my 7 y/o, when I told him about my most recent pregnancy, he said "When did you and daddy have time to have sex?"








:









OMG, I just realized I am not really ready for my toddler to be a talking boy.

Hold me, somebody.


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

moving to parenting...


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Well, have you?







:


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

oceanbaby


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

Wow.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedK*
My DS (11) once asked me if he was 'spongeworthy'









he had been watching Seinfeld reruns at his dads house

I had no idea what to say

Well, of course he is!! He's got an AP mama. Those men are the best!!









To the OP, my hat's off to you. What a fun question!


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babybugmama*
moving to parenting...










Why did it take 6 post by MODS and two days before this was moved???







:
Not a debate, just a question.


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## MamaBug (Jun 13, 2003)

Moving this to Teens

p.s Sorry it took so long to move this, I have been having computer issues


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby*
Well, have you?







:

OMG!!! I am laughup. I really didn't think someone would "go there".


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital*
OMG too funny! My boys haven't asked too many questions, except my 7 y/o, when I told him about my most recent pregnancy, he said "When did you and daddy have time to have sex?"








:


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## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

:roflmao







:







: :roflmao


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Ok, what does "spongeworthy" mean?


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

A while ago when the "sponge" went off the market, Elaine (on Seinfield) bought a stock pile of them. She would then refer to men as "Sponge Worthy" if she planned on using the sponge or "Not Sponge Worthy" if they had to wear a condom, as her amount of them dwindled.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)




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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

but







I hate it that he was allowed to see Seinfeld. X also allows him to watch other adult sitcoms (Not sure about Will and Grace though)


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## SerafinasMommy (Dec 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedK*
My DS (11) once asked me if he was 'spongeworthy'









he had been watching Seinfeld reruns at his dads house

I had no idea what to say


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Oh these shows are so educational. (The unschooler in me lol







)


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momof3inMI*
OMG!!! I am laughup. I really didn't think someone would "go there".

I couldn't believe this thread was on page 3 and no one had asked!


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## Pinoikoi (Oct 30, 2003)

This thread has me cracking up.

One time my ds (probably 6yo) asked me, "Were you and Daddy having sex just now in your room?"

I didn't know what to say (we MAY have been, don't remember now I think it was really early in the morning..)

Anyway, my dh pipes up and says, "Do you like baby brothers?"

"yep"

"well, then mommies and daddies have sex to make them"

"oh, okay."

It was so cute.


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## Dawn38 (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka*
I htink you handled it very well. I like the "what do you think it is?" question. I hope I am always calm enough to ask that first. it is always good to establish what they know and why they are asking. that gives a mom a better idea where to go with the answer.
















:
















: I hope my DC never ask a quetion like this. lol







: If they do I will send them to Houdini's house.







JK

I think you handled that very well.







I wouldn't know what to say in that situation.







:


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

HUH! I cannot believe that someone would even ask if I had. (other then my own DC). how rude.. omg, the nerve.








:


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dawn38*














:
















: I hope my DC never ask a quetion like this. lol







: If they do I will send them to Houdini's house.







JK

I think you handled that very well.







I wouldn't know what to say in that situation.







:

Hey now....I have enough with the need to lock down my computers.









Don't send anymore things my way!!!

By the way....I ate the last twinkie.







:


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## LDSmomma6 (Oct 31, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*
My words
DS (11) words
DS (7) words

*Ok, so lets start by telling you the first conversation of the day....*

DS (11) wakes up and is just laying across the recliner:
"are you still asleep?"
No, but I had a nightmare!
Really? What was it about?
Well, me and daddy had a race and we won but you were not there.
What kind of race, like a running race?
No, it was a maze, but we won and you were not there. I got on a boat and went to look for you. When I got the the hotel I went into your room and you were having sex with some guy.








Maybe it was *insert DH name here*.
Nope it wasnt him.
Maybe it was *insert three other names here*.








No, I know it was not ** cause ** does not wear a tuxedo, the guy was wearing a tuxedo with a tie.
Oh my *insert DS name here* that was some dream!
No mommy it was a nightmare!!!

*Fast forward to a few hours later, sitting in front of the school waiting on DS (9) to get out of summer-school. Some how we ended up talking about the dream again when DS (11) burst out with....*

Mommy, have you ever had a three-way?








A what?!?!
You know, a three-way.
No honey, I do not know what a three-way is, can you tell me what it is?
When three people have sex in one bed.







You mean MOMMY AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE SEX?!?!?
No, just mommy and two other people.
Honey, where on earth did you hear about a three-way?

Will and Grace.
I watched it the other night on tv, it was like midnight and I sneeked the tv on to watch it.







:

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, so I was completely prepared for the sex talk (already had that), the STD talk (had that last week when DSs seen a herpies commercial.. erhrhrh), but no way was I ever prepared for the threesome talk.. I had no freaking clue that my DC would even know what this was a such a young age. I really question having TVs in my home now!

Still, it was amusing!

THAT is exactly why I have control locks on my TV, and that I don't allow my children to watch adult shows, especially shows like Will & Grace.







:

I would absolutely DIE if my 11 yr old and 7 yr old was to ask that. We do talk about sex and all that, don't get me wrong, but I would die!!







:


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelovedK*
My DS (11) once asked me if he was 'spongeworthy'









he had been watching Seinfeld reruns at his dads house

I had no idea what to say






























:


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## JesiLynne (Aug 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla*
Ok, what does "spongeworthy" mean?

I wanted to know too


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## talk de jour (Apr 21, 2005)




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## QuestionGal (Feb 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JesiLynne*
I wanted to know too









i had to ask DH to explain it to me. On an episode of Seinfeld a few years back, Elaine's favorite method of birth control (a sponge) was not going to be made anymore. So she ran all over the city trying to stock up. She eventually ended up with a closet full of the things but was afraid to use them because those had to last her for the rest of her life. So she became really picky about having sex, had to decide of the guy was "spongeworthy"


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JesiLynne*
I wanted to know too









Ok, so since I wont be the only one .. I will admit it, I did not know either







:
Just didnt want to ask







..I dont watch that show


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

:


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## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

I can't believe so many here didn't know what "spongeworthy" was!

I let my kids watch Will & Grace. Not like we all sat down to watch together but I generally didn't turn it off if they came in. I feel like most stuff will go over their heads. And what doesn't is a starting point for discussion.

But I can understand not wanting to discuss a 3 way with an 11 year old! I think I'd go with "that is something we'll discuss when you are a little older". Sometimes they hear about stuff that just isn't age-appropriate yet.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kirsten*
Sometimes they hear about stuff that just isn't age-appropriate yet.

Ya think?!?!?

I was more floooooored when my 11 yr old asked me about herpies then the "three-way"


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*
He is 11, not really funny, sorry but that was a rather tasteless comment!

the whole original post was







to me. JMHO, but I'm not laughing about any of this.









(ITA with unschoolma on this one) I'm sooo glad my kids don't even know these sitcoms and reality shows even exist and my son is almost 11.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LDSmomma6*
I would absolutely DIE if my 11 yr old and 7 yr old was to ask that. We do talk about sex and all that, don't get me wrong, but I would die!!







:

ITA...IMO some things are just inappropriate and tasteless to discuss with children.







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68*
JMHO, but I'm not laughing about any of this.









(ITA with unschoolma on this one) I'm sooo glad my kids don't even know these sitcoms and reality shows even exist and my son is almost 11.

ITA...IMO some things are just inappropriate and tasteless to discuss with children.







:


I am almost positive that you have me confused with another poster!







My kids are free to watch whatever they want to without any rules imposed by me. They totally know what "Will and Grace" is and a bunch of other shows including South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, all of the CSI's, Sex and the City, Friends, and a handful of reality TV. They both watch movies that are too far out of my own personal comfort zone, but which are just fine for them. We've watched so much Friends and Family Guy that we can quote it lol.

I don't think these shows or subjects are at all inappropriate for children. Just depends on the situation and kid perhaps.







My kids and I have no problem discussing sex with our kids. Mine don't generally want to hear the specific details of my past sexual relationships, but occasionally they do. And they often ask general sexual questions and I do not hesitate to answer them honestly. I find the OP hilarious personally.


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*








My kids are free to watch whatever they want to without any rules imposed by me. They totally know what "Will and Grace" is and a bunch of other shows including South Park, Family Guy, The Simpsons, all of the CSI's, Sex and the City, Friends, and a handful of reality TV. They both watch movies that are too far out of my own personal comfort zone, but which are just fine for them. We've watched so much Friends and Family Guy that we can quote it lol.

I don't think these shows or subjects are at all inappropriate for children. Just depends on the situation and kid perhaps.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Did I kill this thread? I sure hope not. Post peoples...post I say lol.


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

UnSchoolnMa, I'm with you. I let my children watch whatever they want to. My oldest has a TV in her room and has for a LONG time. She'll come out and tell me if she started to watch something and it was not "right" for her.
With my 2 little ones they watch everything their Dad and I watch. During the day it's PBS and at night, whatever. We talk about everything, if something is scarry we talk or if they laugh at places an adult would I just watch them to see if they got any of it, if they were copying us or the laugh track. If my 12 year old were to ask me about if I ever had a 3some, I did just have to ask why she was wondering and go from there. If she just really wanted to know, I would tell her that would be a talk for when she got a little older. But answered most eveything else I could at that time.


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

I'm really protective of my three...I guess I'd rather overprotect than under.
Here's why:

When I was little I watched anything and everything. To be candid, it effected me to a level of it coming up in counseling sessions. I was a lot more "psychically open" (a term my midwife uses about her pregnant Mamas and about children in general) than the adults around me, and thus things effected me more than adults watching the same thing, and in a more profound way.

I was developing my perception of the world, and no amount of discussions afterwards took away the invasive feelings many things I saw on TV gave me. Watching adult programs on a regular basis has effected my whole life negatively even to this day... and the shows in the 70s were nothing like is on now.

I unschool my kids in the sense that I create a gentle, insulated world in which they can explore, learning of the adult world in a controlled environment at a time *I* determine, not the TV.

I prefer not to allow the TV to introduce my children to subjects, with me running along behind playing clean-up. I'm in control over when and where they experience things that they may or may not be ready to hear about.


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beansavi*
When I was little I watched anything and everything. To be candid, it effected me to a level of it coming up in counseling sessions.

I'm sorry you feel TV has had you seeking counseling. My parents were very relaxed when it came to TV and movies (I can remember seeing Friday the 13th at the drive-in, I was maybe 6). I get a TV in my room for a 13th birthday gift, I got cable a year later. I watched anything and everything, learned alot too.
I was the kid in school that if you had a question about anything, even sex, I was asked. If I didn't know... I'd go home and ask my mom for the answer, and that was most of the time. I was not the pregnant 16 y/o, or the one with a traumatic life, blue/green/purple hair, piercings or tattos. I was the one with a 4.3 gpa. Who came from a very basic home with a blue collar dad and a sahm.
I love that my oldest DD watched TV on her own, it brings up some very interesting conversations I don't think we'd have otherwise. Same for her choice of books. I don't plan on reading everything she chooses before she does to make sure it is "right" for her and that I would "approve".


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beansavi*
When I was little I watched anything and everything. To be candid, it effected me to a level of it coming up in counseling sessions. I was a lot more "psychically open" (a term my midwife uses about her pregnant Mamas and about children in general) than the adults around me, and thus things effected me more than adults watching the same thing, and in a more profound way. I was developing my perception of the world, and no amount of discussions afterwards took away the invasive feelings many things I saw on TV gave me.

It's very unfortunate that you were affected so negatively by media. This has not been our experience at all. I hope things are better for you now.









Quote:

I unschool my kids in the sense that I create a gentle, insulated world in which they can explore, learning of the adult world in a controlled environment at a time *I* determine, not the TV. ...I prefer not to allow the TV to introduce my children to subjects, with me running along behind playing clean-up. I'm in control over when and where they experience things that they may or may not be ready to hear about.

We navigate the world (and media) together. I do not feel I am in a "clean up" or damage control position generally. We talk, watch, experience, etc. We've helped them learn their comfort levels.

It's been a lot of work no question about it. A lot of time has been invested talking, but it has been worth it for us. It feels right and respectful to say "Well what do you know about this...? How do you think you'll feel if...? Do you feel ready for...? Can I tell you what I know about...? Maybe we should ask someone about...?" All of those things are good for involving them in the process, respecting them and their wants, and guiding them to sources of information. Telling them a flat out "No" doesn't really convey the stuff I want to convey. I respect that this isn't for everyone though.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

I'm with Unschoolingma on this (as always







).


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## beansavi (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momof3inMI*
I'm sorry you feel TV has had you seeking counseling. My parents were very relaxed when it came to TV and movies (I can remember seeing Friday the 13th at the drive-in, I was maybe 6). I get a TV in my room for a 13th birthday gift, I got cable a year later. I watched anything and everything, learned alot too.
I was the kid in school that if you had a question about anything, even sex, I was asked. If I didn't know... I'd go home and ask my mom for the answer, and that was most of the time. I was not the pregnant 16 y/o, or the one with a traumatic life, blue/green/purple hair, piercings or tattos. I was the one with a 4.3 gpa. Who came from a very basic home with a blue collar dad and a sahm.
I love that my oldest DD watched TV on her own, it brings up some very interesting conversations I don't think we'd have otherwise. Same for her choice of books. I don't plan on reading everything she chooses before she does to make sure it is "right" for her and that I would "approve".

Well I respectfully agree to have differing opinions on this issue. I think watching _Friday the 13th_ at six years old is *child abuse*. Period.

I'm not really in the mood to debate this issue... I stand where I stand. So, if you expect a response from me, I'll probably be spending my time more wisely on another thread.


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## bamamom (Dec 9, 2004)

My husband has seen every single seinfeld episode, probably more than once. He would Definitely known what spongeworthy was!!









I too shelter my kids from "adult" tv. Scary things really really bothered me as a little girl, so I try to remember that and keep them pretty low key....kids tv is ok, but only preschool type shows...not elementary age shows,..


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## aphreal (Jun 9, 2006)

We are open with our children about sex topic. If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to be given an answer (age appropriate of course). Dh and I are always lovey and kissy regardless of whose around. Why not? we love each other. We have been married 14 years. Its comical actually.. if dh and I get to playing around they will scatter and yell *are you done with the *s* thing yet? HAHA! They are so funny. playing kissyface is not sex my sweet daughter.









Or once, we came from the bedroom (truthfully not having done anything) and my eldest said *I know what yall were doing in there!* well we were'nt hehe but who cares if we were! Sex between a man and wife who love each other is not a dirty thing so we don't make it out to be some super secretive, nasty sin. Besides with six ppl in the house, It's hard to get your groove on without someone hearing at some point!

Anyway, with all that said. I lothe will and grace. I absolutely hate the show. There are very few things I forbid the kids to watch. Very few.. boobah (aka dancing peckers) and telletubbies being the top two lol but will and grace is up there. Those shows just irk me. Seinfeld, w/g, friends, sex in the city.. I can't stand any of em.

We all, however, Love all the law n orders, csi, without a trace and the Closer. Even my youngings will sit and watch those with us. It prompts some really cool discussions.


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## Dawn38 (May 14, 2006)

Quote:

Besides with six ppl in the house, It's hard to get your groove on without someone hearing at some point!









That is so true.







:

Quote:

We all, however, Love all the law n orders, csi
Same here. We watch these shows as a family too.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beansavi*
Well I respectfully agree to have differing opinions on this issue. I think watching _Friday the 13th_ at six years old is *child abuse*. Period.

I'm not really in the mood to debate this issue... I stand where I stand. So, if you expect a response from me, I'll probably be spending my time more wisely on another thread.









 It's great that you feel comfortable in your position on this. You sound really ticked off though, and I don't get that. We're just talking, sharing opinions, etc. I expect a response from anyone who is interested in giving one lol.







:


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aphreal*
Besides with six ppl in the house, It's hard to get your groove on without someone hearing at some point!

 LOL true enough!









Quote:

It prompts some really cool discussions.
 I agree.


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

Quote:

Well I respectfully agree to have differing opinions on this issue. I think watching Friday the 13th at six years old is child abuse. Period.
Oh for God's sake.

I'm with UnschoolInMa, as usual.


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

Ok, so... I remember watching "Friday the 13th" at the drive in. I never said my parents knew I was watching it. They realized it the next night and asked me if I was ok... I said "Yes, I just don't want to go to over night camp!" I didn't see the whole thing, I fell a sleep. It was the second of two movies. I don't remember what was playing with it.
Beansavi~Sorry you feel it's child abuse,







I wasn't harmed by it. I was a camp counsler for 5 years.:nana:. I can only feel that neighbors close to you must really watch out, if they watch a movie you don't agree with it's child abuse.














: Do you feel the same for the actors as well?


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## mijumom (Feb 28, 2004)

I remember seeing Quadrophenia when I was about 7. I was exposed to a lot of adult-approriate stuff as a kid, a very "open" environment and while I won't blame it on the media itself, i sure felt unsafe and unprotected. I could watch whatever I wanted and I would often watch things that scared the begeebees out of me and made me feel like the world was a really unsafe place.

I see a sense of security in my own kids that I didn't have. They are absolutely not only denied access to certain media, they don't even know what it is (granted they are 6 and 3; 11 is different). When it comes to sex talk, I put it to my kids straight and I think they absolutely ask the questions when they are ready to hear the answers. Sex is beautiful and not scary if presented in a very matter of fact way. I don't think most media accomplishes this (that's an understatement).

Law and Order? CSI? Murder, crime, violence...I just don't relate to enjoying the experience of watching that with my children. I am not denying that it may work for some of you but, is it possible that they watch it to be with you and that they learn to enjoy it to be in your company and appear to be in sync with you intellectually? I really don't want to argue because I am just trying to find the right balance.

I do think *deliberately* watching horror movies with six year olds is pretty off. I think children watching people slash eachother up is pretty vile. I can understand Beansavi's assertion that it is child abuse. I might liken it more to a form of neglect in an emotional sense. Children are in our care so that they may be provided some protection and I think that includes media. This is just my opinion.

Again, my two boys come up with enough violent imaginative play without being exposed to the worst of the worst in human behaviors. I will limit as long as I can.

As far as the OP goes, I think you did great and I actually think it's ultimately pretty benign (though I'd skip a few beats). I also think it is so cool that they come to you and feel so comfortable.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mijumom*
I could watch whatever I wanted and I would often watch things that scared the begeebees out of me and made me feel like the world was a really unsafe place.

Like Beansavi, it's really unfortunate that you had to deal with that. It's too bad that your parents were not available (I am assuming?) or didn't realize that you needed/desired more of their involvement in deciding on what kinds of media to have in your life.

An important thing to mention here I think is that not banning certain kinds of media does not automatically = total parental abandonment regarding media. My kids may not have grown up with an outright ban on movies with sexual/scary/violent themes & images but they most certainly did grow up with an attentive parent that was involved in helping them make decisions they felt good about and safe with.

Quote:

I am not denying that it may work for some of you but, is it possible that they watch it to be with you and that they learn to enjoy it to be in your company and appear to be in sync with you intellectually? I really don't want to argue because I am just trying to find the right balance.
 Perhaps for some kids and parents this is the case, I don't know, but it is not the case in my family. We enjoy a variety of different shows together and separately. Everything from King of the Hill to CSI to Little Bill and Between the Lions and the news and Friends and Globe Trekker and so on. Intellectually they are in sync with me







I do not feel superior.

Quote:

I also think it is so cool that they come to you and feel so comfortable.
 I agree.







Very cool.


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## mijumom (Feb 28, 2004)

UnschoolnMa- I haven't figured out how to use the quotes properly...

"Like Beansavi, it's really unfortunate that you had to deal with that. It's too bad that your parents were not available (I am assuming?) or didn't realize that you needed/desired more of their involvement in deciding on what kinds of media to have in your life."

It is an assumption that my parents weren't available. I had the impression that I could handle things that I couldn't. I considered myself very intellectual and emotionally mature. In the meantime, I didn't know how to verbalize the feelings and questions that came up for me. Images are so powerful. I don't blame anyone, I just think, I spent a great deal of time feeling really freaked out by adult subject matter and world issues too.

I'm not into straight up censorship and I would honor and discuss my kids wishes to watch something in particular and try to exhibit to them that I trust them and their assessment of what they can handle to some degree. But, I would not be the one to take them to the next level with regard to violence or sexist (as opposed to sexual) content. Again, you'll never find me making popcorn and suggesting we sit down to watch CSI together...crime scenes, no thanks.

I think kids are intellectually equal (if not superior) but in a different way. It's pretty extraordinary to see kids formulate their view of the world including violence and sex (gender issues too) without a ton of exposure to pseudo-depictions of reality. I think we're not too different, we just have a different approach. I am ready and eager to discuss and answer questions when they arise, I just like it to be incremental and child-initiated (when it comes from TV, it's not IMO).

Honestly, as long as a parent is consciencious and thinks these issues through, I don't purport to have a better way. I just know that I am truly enjoying watching my kids just be kids and turn on to certain issues in the most organic way possible.

No disrespect here.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mijumom*
Honestly, as long as a parent is consciencious and thinks these issues through, I don't purport to have a better way. I just know that I am truly enjoying watching my kids just be kids and turn on to certain issues in the most organic way possible.

 I can respect that.

Quote:

No disrespect here.








 None taken, or intended from me either. I enjoyed your posts.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beansavi*
I think watching _Friday the 13th_ at six years old is *child abuse*. Period.

Ok, so when did this thread go from me having a three-way to becoming a debate on Abusing Children by a parent allowing them to watch a Movie?!?!?!

I do not want this thread to be shut down, I think the above quote is way out of line!!!

I am glad that my son seen the things on tv.. He had the respect to come to me and question the things he had seen... for that I am grateful!

I would not change what happened! I was not sure as to how I would discuss STDs with my child, but I did not have to bring up herpies to him.. he brought it to me.

Really, what is the difference in herpies comercial and any other medical ailment comercial?
Nothing, its all propaganda, and it gave me the chance to discuss it with my child(ren).


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## sahm2dominik (Jun 23, 2006)

: id have no idea what to say to that, i dont know if i could even talk!


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Tummy, I agree that this thread needs to stay on topic. Maybe another thread could be started up about the other issues


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## Momof3inMI (Feb 28, 2006)

Sorry Tummy, I never ment fot this to go off topic. Was just stating how I saw things in movies, tv, even heard stuff in songs and would talk to my parents about it. I like some of the "strange" talks I have had with my mom about things I saw or wondered about. I *DON'T FEEL* I was abused in *ANYWAY*. I think I am one of the "normal' ones out of my friends. But, I do agree... let's stay on topic. I think you handled that question wonderfully! I give you props for that!


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I think the connection was made because the OP's child originally heard about a "3 way" via a TV show, which led to us discussing TV shows, supervision, moderation, etc.

Sorry that we went too far OT. But to be honest I am not sure what the topic is now. ?


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa*

Sorry that we went too far OT. But to be honest I am not sure what the topic is now. ?









I personally do not think it has gone too far OT, but the fact that words are being thrown around like "child abuse" for a movie/show that a parent does or does not allow their child to see is a bit OT.

Im not quite sure what the topic is now








It started out as a conversation between my children and I... but it does raise a few things in general when it comes to
1) talking/being open with our children
2) having trust in our children and them trusting us
3) having or not having the need to let or not let our children watch particular tv/movies.
4) ect...

I think this is a good thread.. even though it started out really







:

I just dont want to see it shut down, Im proud of my 5 page thread







:


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

I'm so glad that we don't have a T.V.! We do however get enough embarassing dispite that since I find it impossible to beat around the bush!

Good luck to all mamas!

mama to peanut 8














, little dude 17 months







:







: , and







: in Feb. '07!















:







:





















:


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## ErikaDP (Jan 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tummy*
I just dont want to see it shut down, *Im proud of my 5 page thread*







:









As you should be! Great Thread Tummy!









Take Care,
Erika







:


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