# what do you do when they flat out just don't listen to what you are saying?



## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

DD is 3.5 and we have these times where she will ask for something that I can't deliver at that moment and it is like she just won't hear what I am saying. Today for example - we were driving home from preschool (where she'd eaten a snack) and meeting DH for lunch. We were about 10 mins from his office.
DD: Mommy I am really hungry, I want a snack
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, I don't have any snacks today, we'll be having lunch with Daddy in a few minutes
DD: this time in an angrier voice - I want a snack, give me a snack RIGHT NOW!!
Me: I don't have any snacks with me, I can't give you a snack right now, you will have to wait until we get to Daddy's office
DD: In an even angrier voice - GIVE ME A SNACK!!
Me: Can you hear the words I am saying to you?? I don't have a snack to give you, you will have to wait, we'll be at Daddy's office in a few minutes
DD: NOOO I can't hear the words you are saying, I want a SNACK!!!

At this point I just shut up. She was quiet for a few minutes, but then started up again and I just ignored her for lack of anything better to do. Otherwise we would have ended up in a screaming match. Mind you she had just had a snack about 30 mins beforehand. I usually do have a snack/water with me but sometimes I don't - I forget or think we just won't need it. This has happened several times. It also happens at home when I can't get her whatever she needs instantly. If she has to wait at all, she just keeps asking and bugging me until I can get her whatever she needs no matter how many times I tell her she has to wait. She just doesn't seem to get the waiting thing. Is it her age? or???? What else can I do?


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

I would say, "Oh sweetie, it sounds like you are hungry. Or are you more thirsty?" If my daughter kept asking repeatedly like that, I would think she really was hungry, since 3 year olds go through all kinds of huge growth spurts. I would likely stop and get her a drink/snack if there was any place on the way. Next, I would make sure to always have snacks in my purse, something less perishable like a granola bar or container of raisins or crackers.

BTW, I don't actually think she wasn't listening to what you were saying. I think you weren't listening to her enough. I think her tummy was probably hurting her and she needed food.


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

Thanks. I get that she was hungry - but frankly, even if I did have a snack I may not have given it to her. We were literally minutes away from a healthy nutritious lunch that she would not have eaten if I had let her fill up on crackers or pretzels in the car 5 mins before we got there. In the time it would have taken to stop and get something we could been at our destination. I also think at almost 4 she should be able to wait 10 minutes to eat if neccessary. If we were at home and dinner was going to be ready in 10 mins I would make her wait then as well - or offer her carrots or fruit, which I didn't have with me in the car. I do almost always carry a snack like I said - but we all forget things from time to time.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I think you did fine, and yes I think it's the age. I don't think 3 year olds quite get that the universe can't always bend itself to their will.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

It sounds to me like you were trying to make her understand that you had no food. When I try to do this, it usually escalates it with my dd. She's understood that I have no food and rejected my reality. Arguing my point will not make her more rational.

So, I tell her once that I have no food, and then as a pp suggested, I acknowledge that she's hungry. That gets at the emotion/frustration she's feeling.

DD: Mommy I am really hungry, I want a snack
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, I don't have any snacks today, we'll be having lunch with Daddy in a few minutes.
DD: I want a snack, give me a snack RIGHT NOW!!

Try instead:
Me: Wow, you're really hungry. I'm sorry I don't have a snack.
DD: Give me a snack now!
Me: You sound really hungry. It's hard to wait. (If you're feeling playful, you might add: Do you think you could eat a whole elephant?)

If she persists, then I usually just stop. Because any further engagement just makes both of us mad. At least when I quit talking, only one person is having an argument!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
It sounds to me like you were trying to make her understand that you had no food. When I try to do this, it usually escalates it with my dd. She's understood that I have no food and rejected my reality. Arguing my point will not make her more rational.

So, I tell her once that I have no food, and then as a pp suggested, I acknowledge that she's hungry. That gets at the emotion/frustration she's feeling.

DD: Mommy I am really hungry, I want a snack
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, I don't have any snacks today, we'll be having lunch with Daddy in a few minutes.
DD: I want a snack, give me a snack RIGHT NOW!!

Try instead:
Me: Wow, you're really hungry. I'm sorry I don't have a snack.
DD: Give me a snack now!
Me: You sound really hungry. It's hard to wait. (If you're feeling playful, you might add: Do you think you could eat a whole elephant?)

If she persists, then I usually just stop. Because any further engagement just makes both of us mad. At least when I quit talking, only one person is having an argument!

Or I should just say


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## sunshadow (May 17, 2009)

My daughter is younger, but when she starts in like that I answer her a couple of times and then say something like "I am sorry you are so hungry and I didn't bring any snacks this time. I have already answered you and if you keep asking I will not be answering." I guess you could try asking her more open ended questions if anything to get her to stop repeating herself until you get to your destination. I think you reallly did fine though. You kept your cool and that's what matters.


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## Kuba'sMama (Oct 8, 2004)

Hi!

My daughter is a bit closer to 4. She is also persistently testing boundaries like this. Oddly, if she were acting like this (and she has, many times) my first thought wouldn't have been "she must be starving", especially if she just had a snack 30 minutes ago. I wouldn't feel at all apologetic for not having a snack handy either. Is that cold?

I would simply say "you had a snack a while ago and very shortly we will have lunch" and then depending on her attitude I might either pleasantly change the subject "daddy will be SOO happy to see us, won't he?" or just let her know that the topic on 'SNACK NOW was finished.

It's perfectly fine for them to know that they can wait a couple minutes, I'm not talking hours. And they will not starve


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## ArcticRose (May 13, 2009)

I am new to this portion of the board, so maybe I am missing something.

Why is it ok for a 3yo to speak to her mother this way? It is not ok for _anyone_ to speak to me this way. Angrily demanding things from me will not achieve the desired result. Letting a 3yo make angry demands does not teach her to respect her mother, let alone anyone else.

I would have answered her first request, explaining that we would be eating in a few minutes, but further discussion would be denied. Change the subject, be playful, whatever you need to do, but don't let her argue or make demands.. let alone acquiesce to her demands, especially when they are unreasonable.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArcticRose* 
I am new to this portion of the board, so maybe I am missing something.

Why is it ok for a 3yo to speak to her mother this way? It is not ok for _anyone_ to speak to me this way. Angrily demanding things from me will not achieve the desired result. Letting a 3yo make angry demands does not teach her to respect her mother, let alone anyone else.

It's not OK for my kids to talk to me that way, but I also know that when my kids' needs are not met, it's not the best time for me to be trying to teach them anything. Since discipline = teaching at the core, I need to make the assessment (as the adult) as to whether anything can be learned right now. Hence my advice to acknowledge the feeling, and then ignore.

In this situation, the mom cannot give her anything, so it's not like she's going to learn that angry demands get her a snack.

Part of my response is also based on the developmental stage. Most 1 year olds are _incapable_ of using words while experiencing strong feelings. 2 year olds can use words when they're upset, but they're not going to be able to change their speech to be more polite. 3 year olds are better, but really the most I'd expect would be them adding a "please". The child in question here is 3, is frustrated and not in a space to be learning about polite language.

My kids are 5 and 8. I expect, and demand, polite requests. When they make a rude request, I ask them to rephrase. If they can't, I model and ask them to repeat. Most of the time, they ask politely. (Dd asked this weekend, "Mom, can I have some apples cut up in a bowl so I can eat them downstairs please?" ) Sometimes they forget. And then I remind them. Sometimes I forget, and then they remind me







.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

Why is it ok for a 3yo to speak to her mother this way? It is not ok for anyone to speak to me this way. Angrily demanding things from me will not achieve the desired result. Letting a 3yo make angry demands does not teach her to respect her mother, let alone anyone else.
It is not okay. However, it happens. At 2 and 3, it is almost certain to happen at least a few times.

I would have calmly said once that I did not have a snack, stated calmly that I do not want her to use that voice towards me, and ignored further screaming completely. You were driving. You knew if you engaged with her you would wind up in a 'screaming match'. I have read that some parents, who find screaming distracts driving, pull over and sit in silence until the child has screamed themselves out, then proceeded onward. You need to be safe. When it gets to that point the best strategy is not to engage. If you were home, you would have had more options.

I think you did fine.


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## maciascl (Nov 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kuba'sMama* 
Hi!

My daughter is a bit closer to 4. She is also persistently testing boundaries like this. Oddly, if she were acting like this (and she has, many times) my first thought wouldn't have been "she must be starving", especially if she just had a snack 30 minutes ago. I wouldn't feel at all apologetic for not having a snack handy either. Is that cold?

I would simply say "you had a snack a while ago and very shortly we will have lunch" and then depending on her attitude I might either pleasantly change the subject "daddy will be SOO happy to see us, won't he?" or just let her know that the topic on 'SNACK NOW was finished.

It's perfectly fine for them to know that they can wait a couple minutes, I'm not talking hours. And they will not starve


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArcticRose* 
but don't let her argue or make demands.. let alone acquiesce to her demands, especially when they are unreasonable.

Personally I've never understood this idea. How exactly do you not let her argue? The only option is not to argue back, but I certainly can't keep my children from making a demand. They're people, not robots. My only response is to model for them the way I'd like them to behave. I have refused a request because it was made as a demand, but saying "conversation over" just isn't useful in my experience.


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## 3*is*magic (Sep 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ArcticRose* 
I am new to this portion of the board, so maybe I am missing something.

Why is it ok for a 3yo to speak to her mother this way? It is not ok for _anyone_ to speak to me this way. Angrily demanding things from me will not achieve the desired result. Letting a 3yo make angry demands does not teach her to respect her mother, let alone anyone else.

I would have answered her first request, explaining that we would be eating in a few minutes, but further discussion would be denied. Change the subject, be playful, whatever you need to do, but don't let her argue or make demands.. let alone acquiesce to her demands, especially when they are unreasonable.

I am NOT new to this board, and I actually feel this way, too.

Though I am wise enough at this point to know that you cannot stop someone from arguing with you







. In our family, after 2 or 3 replies of "I'm sorry kiddo, I don't have a snack to give you but lunch will be in a few minutes", further demands for food (especially when the last snack was 30 minutes ago and lunch was imminent) would be met with silence or a "So, who did you play with at school today?". A snack 10 minutes before lunch and 30 minutes after the last snack is not a _need_. It's a _want_.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Whether or not it's "ok" is irrelevant. This is how kids this age act. The question isn't whether it's OK, it's how we handle it when it happens.

There isn't always a solution to things like this. Kids that age don't have an easy time waiting, and they speak their minds. Their language abilities are far beyond their social graces. All you can do is empathize, "I understand you're hungry right now. I wish we were at the restaurant eating right this second." I like the playful thing too, like "are you hungry enough to eat a whole elephant?"


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## crittersmum (Feb 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
It sounds to me like you were trying to make her understand that you had no food. When I try to do this, it usually escalates it with my dd. She's understood that I have no food and rejected my reality. Arguing my point will not make her more rational.

So, I tell her once that I have no food, and then as a pp suggested, I acknowledge that she's hungry. That gets at the emotion/frustration she's feeling.

DD: Mommy I am really hungry, I want a snack
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, I don't have any snacks today, we'll be having lunch with Daddy in a few minutes.
DD: I want a snack, give me a snack RIGHT NOW!!

Try instead:
Me: Wow, you're really hungry. I'm sorry I don't have a snack.
DD: Give me a snack now!
Me: You sound really hungry. It's hard to wait. (If you're feeling playful, you might add: Do you think you could eat a whole elephant?)

If she persists, then I usually just stop. Because any further engagement just makes both of us mad. At least when I quit talking, only one person is having an argument!

'Loved this!

If there's no reason for her to be hungry then maybe she's not really asking for a snack? Maybe she's frustrated with something that happened to her that morning and wants to get a bit mad...or something.

I love the book _How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk_ and one of my favourite tricks is to "give the child what she wants in fantasy." It's amazing how well it can work. Something like, "Oh, I wish I could give you a snack! I'd give you an elephant sundae with a cherry on top! Or a pizza as big as an airplane! What would you like on your airplane pizza?"

Having said all that: you did just fine (and I hope you all had a terrific lunch!).


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## skreader (Nov 19, 2008)

In addition to the listening and validating and rec for "How to talk so your kids will listen..", I have tried the "give into the fantasy trick" and it was useful. In my case it was hot and the kids were thirsty and we "jammed" on the idea of diving into large glasses of icy cold soda, etc etc.

Here's another strategy, if that one fails.

1) Pull over & stop the car

2) Look into your child's face (maybe hold her hand) and say very seriously and calmly something along the likes "It sounds like you're hungry. But no snack is going to happen right now. We can get something later (name time period). Until then you'll have to be patient.

If you continue to whine and nag, all that is going to happen is that I will get more and more irritated. That's not safe for driving.

Then I'll have to stop the car again and it will take us even longer to do the errand and get a snack.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I have a child who does this with the bathroom sometimes. I am fairly sure it's cause she knows she will get attention. I just keep saying "We are almost there." (And of course I take her to the bathroom before we leave, but still sometimes she just does this. I've only actually stopped and ran her into a gas station in town once.) to me that's the equivalent of your kid having eaten not long before getting in the car and she's got 10 mins. to wait till you get there.
It would take a pretty "epic" tantrum to make me pull over for anything.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

ITA with PPs about How to Listen So Kids Will Talk...love that book. The "I understand you're very hungry. I wish I could give you the biggest snack ever!!" strategy doesn't always work with my 3 y.o. I try that first and I ultimately I say "We've already had this conversation and I'm not having it any more" or "What's Mommy's answer to that question?" I find that ds1 almost always hears me - he just (as a pp put it) "rejects my reality".


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
Personally I've never understood this idea. How exactly do you not let her argue? The only option is not to argue back, but I certainly can't keep my children from making a demand. They're people, not robots. My only response is to model for them the way I'd like them to behave. I have refused a request because it was made as a demand, but saying "conversation over" just isn't useful in my experience.

I wonder if what the PP meant was more along the lines of not letting the child turn their demands into a nasty fight with the parent. I agree with offering sympathy to the child in a situation like this, but when the tone becomes nasty I do also tell my kids (who are currently 4.5yo) that I don't appreciate them yelling at me and/or calling me names simply because they are angry.

If they still haven't become too upset with me I will also try to use the discussion as a teaching opportunity to talk about manners and empathizing with others (gosh, I hope you can understand that I really do wish I had a snack for you right now, but would you like it if yelled at you and said mean things to you because I was angry? I didn't think so. You know, we are on our way to meet Daddy for lunch, and once we get there you'll have all kinds of yummy food options so you won't be hungry anymore...) And then I would try to distract the kid by changing the subject, but if that didn't work I would then disengage and refuse to continue with a pointlessly circular argument.

Honestly, as my kids have gotten older I have noticed that the empathy discussion does help them better understand that yelling at others and/or namecalling is simply not the right way to deal with others. Of course ymmv.


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## annekh23 (Nov 1, 2008)

I rarely stop the car, it's both a case of not allowing them to be in control and on several of our regular trips, limited places to stop, other than the actual destination.

With a 4.5 and a 6.5 year old, they are capable of being dangerously distracting, so I first ask for silence as I can't concentrate on driving, if that isn't done, I threaten punishment and try and think of one I can implement in an age appropriate time span, then, if necessary, I turn the radio on and turn the volume up, I've only had to do that once and I've never used it as a threat, but it did work!


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

My DD is starved after preschool. They play outside after snacktime, so if she ate her snack she is still really hungry. I probably would have said "I know you're hungry, I am too. I can't wait to eat lunch with daddy." I also try to say yes, even if it's followed by a "in just a minute", a "as soon as we can get there" or "next time". A "We can go to the park as soon as it's warm enough. I want to go too." works much better than a "I'm sorry it's too cold and snowy today for the park." even though I would really be saying the same thing. Maybe as soon as we say "I'm sorry...." our LOs know we're going to deny them and they get to upset to listen.


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## WorldsBestMom (Dec 3, 2009)

Well with my little girl. I try to talk to her by breaking things down in a simple manner that she can understand why I say do this or do that or don't do that.. I try to let her know the reasons why she needs to obey and listen to what I have to say and the consequences of her not listening. I let her no also that I am not being in her little mind "mean" but I am helping her to grow into a beautiful young lady. Its better than yelling which I am try to work on.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
It sounds to me like you were trying to make her understand that you had no food. When I try to do this, it usually escalates it with my dd. She's understood that I have no food and rejected my reality. Arguing my point will not make her more rational.

So, I tell her once that I have no food, and then as a pp suggested, I acknowledge that she's hungry. That gets at the emotion/frustration she's feeling.

DD: Mommy I am really hungry, I want a snack
Me: I'm sorry sweetie, I don't have any snacks today, we'll be having lunch with Daddy in a few minutes.
DD: I want a snack, give me a snack RIGHT NOW!!

Try instead:
Me: Wow, you're really hungry. I'm sorry I don't have a snack.
DD: Give me a snack now!
Me: You sound really hungry. It's hard to wait. (If you're feeling playful, you might add: Do you think you could eat a whole elephant?)

If she persists, then I usually just stop. Because any further engagement just makes both of us mad. At least when I quit talking, only one person is having an argument!









Sometimes I pretend to make her the desired snack/drink in the car while we are driving. Imagination sometimes soothes for awhile.


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## Ell-Bell (Nov 16, 2002)

I have found that empathy and playfulness can alleviate a lot of these conflicts. Sometimes it can be hard to remember those things in the heat of the moment, especially when you're also concentrating on driving.

I would have initially explained that I didn't have a snack, and that we'd be at daddys soon. Then if my child persisted, I would have gone with one (or all!) of these reaponses until something switched.

"It sounds like you're REALLY hungry! I can't believe I forgot to bring a snack today. Silly mommy! What was I thinking!?! I must've left my brain in my purse. Have you seen it?"

"Wow, you must really be hungry today! If you could eat anything in the whole wide world what would it be?"

"You're really hungry! I am too. I wish we had a magic refrigerator in the car that would make whatever we wanted. And a microwave, too! We'd need a bigger car!"

Usually when I show that I understand his feeling, my son (almost 4) relaxes. Then making it silly sort of changes the subject in a playful way.


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## sgmom (Mar 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
Whether or not it's "ok" is irrelevant. This is how kids this age act. The question isn't whether it's OK, it's how we handle it when it happens.

There isn't always a solution to things like this. Kids that age don't have an easy time waiting, and they speak their minds. Their language abilities are far beyond their social graces. All you can do is empathize, "I understand you're hungry right now. I wish we were at the restaurant eating right this second." I like the playful thing too, like "are you hungry enough to eat a whole elephant?"


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

3.5 is such a hard age, I'm finding!

DD1 will sometimes do this. If we were in the car and on the way to lunch, I'd probably say "I know you're hungry, I am too. Remember? We're meeting Daddy for lunch at XYZ. Won't that be fun? Do you remember the menu there? What do you think you'd like to order for lunch?" If that seems to work, I'll ask what she thinks I'm going to have for lunch, and no matter what she says, I'd go totally silly and say something like "Hmmm, I was really in the mood for a crocodile sandwich with a side of wooden grass. But, your idea sounds good too!"

Or at least, I'd like to think I can muster up the energy and imagination needed to be playful and fun on the spot.

With a baby in tow, too, it can get really, really loud in the car. At those times, I remind them that I'm driving and need to concentrate, so I need them to quiet down. If that doesn't work, I change the noise level - either turning on a CD (right now, we're loving Laurie Berkner's "Victor Vito" in the car) and singing along until they settle down, or turning it off if it's just adding to their noise level. If all else fails, I play with their windows. I have NO IDEA why this works so well, but it makes a crying baby/very young toddler quiet almost instantly, and my almost-3.5 yo DD loves it as well. Of course, I can't rely on this method much right now, being a bitterly cold winter, but if I do a quick crack-the-window-open-and-then-close-it a couple times, it usually works.

Sometimes, I think my DD1 is just "in a loop" - she has something in mind, and that's all she can see or hear, think about or do. Not just words, but sometimes running in a circle around the coffee table. I have to physically remove her and get her actively involved in something else to "jog" her out of it.


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## ckumelos (Nov 26, 2007)

I think the issue lies in the practice of acquiescing as well as the specific situation at hand. If you almost always have a snack in the car and give it to her on demand, why would this time be different. She has been in control of this situation for most of her life and expects to remain in control. It is a hard life lesson for every human being (and their parents) to learn that the universe does not always act the same when we treat it the same.

She is learning from you a good life lesson in calm and respectful treatment.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

IDK if I think people are reading way too much into this or if I am a lazy parent. But to me a rude 3.5 year old gets a sharp response. "We already had this discussion. Please don't ask it again". If the angry/rudeness continued I would warn that maybe we'd be better off going home instead of to meet Daddy if he couldn't get himself together to be polite. And I would follow through if I had to.

I think doing the whole elephant thing just kind of enables the behavior. Frankly I don't want to joke about elephants with a yelling 3.5 year old (I have a 3.5 year old







). That kind of attitude just isn't tolerated.

OP - I think you did fine!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *D_McG* 
IDK if I think people are reading way too much into this or if I am a lazy parent. But to me a rude 3.5 year old gets a sharp response. "We already had this discussion. Please don't ask it again". If the angry/rudeness continued I would warn that maybe we'd be better off going home instead of to meet Daddy if he couldn't get himself together to be polite. And I would follow through if I had to.

I think doing the whole elephant thing just kind of enables the behavior. Frankly I don't want to joke about elephants with a yelling 3.5 year old (I have a 3.5 year old







). That kind of attitude just isn't tolerated.

OP - I think you did fine!

It's all about whether you are focused on the behavior, or whether you are looking past the behavior at the reason for the behavior. In my parenting, I try to look past behavior at the reason for it. In this case, hunger and (normal for the age) impatience.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
It's all about whether you are focused on the behavior, or whether you are looking past the behavior at the reason for the behavior. *In my parenting, I try to look past behavior at the reason for it.* In this case, hunger and (normal for the age) impatience.

I look at the reason for it, too. Hunger and impatience may be a reason for the behavior but it's still not to be tolerated/entertained.

eta: and yes - I am focused on the behavior. That's what I have to deal with. That's what other people observe. That's how my DS represents himself in the real world. It's what people judge him on. I want him to have no confusion as to what's acceptable.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

It isnt' about tolerating or entertaining, it's about understanding. And if you take caer of what is causing the behavior, you almost always take care of the behavior.


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## Pepper44 (May 16, 2006)

When my 3.5 year old DD acts like that I will tell her the truth--I understand you're very hungry but we don't have a snack right now and we'll be at the restaurant very soon. If she starts yelling rudely I'll let her know that she's being rude and that's not the way we talk to each other.

Depending on how she is I might also try to make it playful, because often that distracts her long enough for us to actually get to where we're going and then we are both laughing.

Sometimes she's acting that way for another reason, like she's really tired or upset about something else. If she's not able to speak rationally or laugh with me then I will just stop answering rather than continue to provoke her.

I think 3.5 year olds have a difficult time with reality sometimes. Today my DD was convinced that I could make Max and Ruby come on TV even though she knew it wasn't on right now. (I showed her!) She started screaming at me, I reminded her that we don't speak to each other that way--I don't scream at her and demand things, she shouldn't do that to me either. I offered alternatives to Max and Ruby, fail! So I just walked away...after about five minutes she was happily doing something else.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

DD does this when she has a need such as going to the bathroom, thirst, hunger, fatigue, etc.

It seems I have two choices and I try to choose based on the exact circumstances.

1) Distract, redirect, distract, goof around, whatever it takes to distract lol.

2) Focus on the upcoming event that will meet the need.

In your case, I might have done #2 and tried something like, "Look, we're at X street! Only 2 more minutes until we get to eat with Daddy! What do you think he will order? What are your fave foods? Do you want crayons at the table?" Etc etc.

I think saying it twice is the limit. After that, it's called arguing and there's no reason to argue with someone who is hurting, confused, tired or hungry.


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