# at what age would you leave your child home alone overnight



## mandib50

just wondering and trying to get a feel for it.
i haven't done it personally (my oldest is 13), but know of teens as young as 14 or 15 that stay home alone over nite or for a week-end which kinda gives me a heartattack at the thought of doing it myself







(yeah, i'm sort of overprotective).
also, i wonder how your perspective might change on your kids staying home alone overnite if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, and also if they are caring for younger siblings.


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## 2tadpoles

I would leave my 15yo home alone overnight with his 11yo brother. I think they'd be fine.

In three years he's free to pick up and move out if he wants. I think an overnight is within his capabilities.

I really wouldn't care much about the girlfriend thing. I doubt anything significant would happen with a brother nearby. My boys don't leave each other alone for very long.

I probably would want no visitors in the house while I was away, no matter what gender, just for safety's sake.


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## aniT

I think it would depend on the child. My mom didn't leave my alone over night until I was 18. She did have my cousin stay with us. My cousin is 7 years older than me but we are close. I would have my BF and other friends over and she never said a word to my mom. If my child was like me, I would not leave her alone either.

My mom only lives a mile away so I think I would always just take my kids to my moms. I don't think I would leave her/them alone at all.


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## gurumama

16 or so, depending on the child's maturity. But I live in a duple and a cohousing community where all the kids have 10 sets of adult eyes watching them. No big teen parties here!


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## Flor

Well, at 17 I was working and had my own apartment, was finishing Hs and applying to colleges. .. but I think it depends on the child, if they are with siblings/trusted friends, if they have an available adult nearby.


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## ashleyhaugh

i was left alone overnight at 13-14ish i think, with my little sis who is 2 years younger. i know for sure by 16, i was left at home for the weekend while my mom and sis went out of town because i didnt want to go.

i think it depends on the kid and the siblings though. i was always a pretty mature kid


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## mmace

My oldest is thirteen, and I wouldn't consider it yet, not alone and definitely not with her siblings. In fact, I'm very sure that it will be a looonggggg time before I would leave her with siblings overnight - a couple of hours of them by themselves is more than enough.


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## SandraS

I'd try it probably next year, when my oldest is 14. He's taken first aid courses and is very responsible. I don't think I'd leave him with the youngest, but with the middle child, I'd feel alright.


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## ani'smama

I was 15 when my parents started leaving me overnight. In hindsight, I don't think it was a great idea. Some thing went on in my parents house that I wouldn't want going on in my house, and I was a good kid.

That being said, I still think teenagers need to left alone overnight prior to moving out on their own/going away to college. It will probably be 16 or 17 at our house.


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## momto l&a

My parents considered my very responsible at the age of 12-13. Staying alone over night for me was a lot of work on my shoulders.

We live out in the country, had evening and morning chores to do.

I never failed my parents.


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## hottmama

I had my own apartment at 16, I can't imagine not trusting a 16 yr. old for one night! I was left home alone with my younger sister starting around 10 or 11 and would feel safe doing the same with my kids when my oldest is 10-12.


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## ASusan

I can't remember the first time I was left alone overnight - with or without my sister, who was 9 years younger.

However, I do know that I was doing overnight babysitting - for up to 5 kids - when I was 16 or so. Usually if it was all the children, the parents hired 2 babysitters - myself and another teen (we were friends, too).

My parents NEVER let me have a boy over if they weren't home - regardless of whether I had a boyfriend or not. The rule was non-negotiable. So was the no-boys-on-the-second-floor (where the bedrooms were), even if parents were home. (A male didn't go onto the second floor until I got married - at 35!)


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## Mama Poot

The first time I stayed home alone overnight was when I was about 15-16. My mom had to work a few night shifts at the hospital. I'm an only child, so I was a little nervous being by myself, and unfortunately I had someone I know prank call me with threats one night while she was gone. I called the police and my mom and some friends- it was a mess. Not trying to scare ya, just telling what happened to me. I think if they have siblings its better, or at least a neighbor who can drop in and check on them.


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## enkmom

We just left ours this fall for one night, and they are 16 and 17. It was such a non-event that I am sure I could have done it sooner.


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## Starr

I think I was 14. We lived out in the boonies but my aunt and uncle lived a mile away. I was pretty mature and had been babysitting for a couple of years late at night. I think I slept with all the lights on though







. It really depends on the child and how they have handled responsibility in the past.


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## panamama

it wouldn't be my first choice w/ mine (14yo), but i think i'd be o-k with it if i had to leave him overnight. right now though, i make plans for someone to stay in our home with him or him to to to their home if i have to be away.


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## dctexan

I was left overnight once I was 16 (my sister was 13). Maturation-wise, I was probably ready by around the age of 14 (9th grade), but I think mom and I both felt more comfortable leaving me "in charge" once I could drive.


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## jane197

I think it depends a lot on the maturity level of the child. Most kids when they are around 14 actually WANT to please their parents and will pretty much follow the rules set out for them when you are not there. Between the ages of 15-17 the quality of wanting to please you is a little less apparent :>) as they struggle with their own independence. That's when things like them telling their friend, who then tells another friend and then the whole east side, that their parents have gone for the weekend. Although it may not necessarily be their fault things can get beyond their control. I guess the moral to the story is......get out while you still can :>) and maybe have a trusted friend neighbor nearby that they can call if they need anything. Good luck!


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## mandib50

interesting. clearly there must be something wrong with ME because at 36 i'm STILL scared sleeping alone in the house when my dh is gone







i've always been that way.

however ... i think i could see myself leaving my 16 year old dd, possibly even at 15 yrs old with her siblings over nite if there is another responsible teen with her or a close neighbour she can turn too. (if she feels ready anyway). then again, maybe not









i found this for guidelines which you may find interesting - or not








http://www.nccic.org/poptopics/homealone.html


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## jane197

I hate it when my husband is gone overnight as well - I just don't sleep well. Guess what we don't know when we are young and naive can be a good thing in some ways :>))


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## Storm Bride

Being alone overnight has never bothered me. I think I'd let ds1 stay overnight very soon (he's almost 14), except that I'm afraid he might slip and tell a friend that he was going to be home with no parents...and I don't want the infamous "hey - did you hear about that kid whose parents aren't going to be home this weekend? He's having a party!" scenario playing out in my living room. I'm going to guess that I'd be okay with it at about 16...depending on whether or not his brain dribbles out his ear in the next couple of years.


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## smillerhouse

I had way too much responsiblity as a child /teen. I was baysitting overnight by age 14 or 15. It is really important to me that my kids don't have that kind of responsiblity.
Currently my daughter is on a travel vollyball team and my husband is staying home with my 16 year old son and I call frequently. I think it is important to have that human connection . Sallie


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## GooeyRN

I am 28 years old and still never spent a night alone.







Although I used to work nightshift until dd was born. When dh went out of town a few years ago, my mother stayed at my house overnight to babysit my dogs while I worked nightshift. I was afraid to leave even my dogs alone overnight.

Mom and Dad never left us alone when we were teens. When Dad had to have surgery and mom wanted to stay in the hospital overnight, my Nana stayed with us. I was 15, and brother was 17.

I had a few friends in highschool that had some wild parties when their parents would go away for a weekend. These were normally responsible kids, too.


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## Jessy1019

If they didn't mind being home alone, probably 13 or 14. I would see if they wanted to have a friend over for the night (or girlfriend/boyfriend, if they were a bit older), but I would trust them alone.


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## EricaLeigh

When my sister & I were teenagers about (16,18) my parent went away for a few days. You better beleive that there was drinking, smoking & boys. My neighbor was supposed to keep an eye on the house. They only joked to my parents about the strobe light.

I have a ways to go before my kids are teens & I'm faced with decision like this.


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## jane197

"depending on whether or not his brain dribbles out his ear in the next couple of years."

Oh..... I think you can pretty much count on that :>))


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## mandib50

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EricaLeigh* 
When my sister & I were teenagers about (16,18) my parent went away for a few days. You better beleive that there was drinking, smoking & boys. My neighbor was supposed to keep an eye on the house. They only joked to my parents about the strobe light.

I have a ways to go before my kids are teens & I'm faced with decision like this.

this is what i have been thinking about. even responsible kids can be put in a place of temptation that they would normally not think about doing until the parents have left the house. not saying it would happen, just that it could.


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## smillerhouse

For me, it is not really my kids I don't trust. One of my kids, the 16 year old boy would probably be fine but lonely.
The other is a girl, will be 14 in April. She is a great young lady. She also does not stand up to peer pressure that great. I have already dealt with this quite a bit of that the past year or so. I would be concenred about other kids coming over. We had a nieghbor girl come over here in the middle of the night,etc. Also, a few weeks ago, kids wanted ot leave the movie theatre and my duaghter went right along with it.The same girl came over in the middle of the day and they got in a car. My daughter is not the instigator but she is a follwer. She has some growng to do. I think by the time she is 18 and ready to go to college,she will be fine but the standing up to the peer pressure stuff will take time. Sallie


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## oldcrunchymom

I think 14 or so would be a good age. My brother and I stayed home alone for a weekend when I was around 15 or 16 (he's a year younger than me). Nothing bad happened. We just sat around watching movies and playing Atari. Hey, it was the 80s.







I think if you trust your kid is responsible it's fine to leave them overnight.


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## MillingNome

Maybe when she hits 16. It's not that I wouldn't trust her before that. She does not want to be home alone after dark now and I don't see that changing anytime soon.


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## Storm Bride

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jane197* 
"depending on whether or not his brain dribbles out his ear in the next couple of years."

Oh..... I think you can pretty much count on that :>))









So far, I've been pleasantly surprised. He's more resistant to showers, can't seem to keep track of his clothes, and is occasionally somewhat surly and short-tempered (he denies this vehemently, however). Other than that, he's still the same person he always was. He's a great kid - I like him a lot.


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## jane197

"He's more resistant to showers, can't seem to keep track of his clothes"

You mean the system of "sprinkling" the clothes around the bedroom floor isn't working for him? - lol. Maybe that is a girl thing. My daughter's bedroom floor looks like she has experienced several major earthquakes in the last several weeks even though I have not heard of any strong seismic activity in the area :>)

But hey, you have to pick your battles, and her own personal organization system works for her -as she amazingly knows where everything is.


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## 2mama

How about at 25! NO really I think that it depends on the kid. If yours is a good kid and very responsible 16 would be fine. If not I think that I would wait a while. It's alot of responsibility to be home alone and can even be sacary to older kids. Heck when my husband works nights it still freaks me out a wee bit and I'm about to have my 3rd child!


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## Lambsauce

I was 16, nearly 17. My parents still don't really trust me alone, though. I'm not entirely sure why, especially since I loathe the party scene and would therefore keep my alone-ness a secret closely guarded.
But there are also people I know who, if they were my kids, I would NEVER let them stay home overnight. So much irresponsibility.


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## nextcommercial

My daughter is 14. I am NOT overprotective at all.

But, I am no where near ready to leave her overnight. I don't think I could sleep, knowing she was home alone. If she had a sibling, maybe I would. I think when I do the first time, it will be with a friend. Just incase she gets scared.

This is an excellent thread idea though. This gives me some idea of what would be considered normal.


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## RiverSky

21? 25?







At 14, if we were alone at home, there would have been a party at our house. Then again, I was completely 100% responsible babysitting others' children for a weekend at 11 (and I did it, for a baby and a 3 year old) and never ever had a friend over while babysitting. My own home, on the other hand, was a perfect place to have a party!!


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## UUMom

18. maybe 17, depending on circumstances. But it would depend on the child and his/her comfort & maturity level and wherther they were chomping at the rebellion bit thinking a party involving alcohol and drugs would be a brillaint thing to host.


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## mandib50

my husband clarified this for me and said 30!!








i think i agree


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## talk de jour

Depends on the specific child.

14-ish sounds like a good number, though.


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## talk de jour

BTW, when I was a kid, my parents never really went away, so I don't remember staying home alone at night... but I did house-sit in my brother's house, alone, for a week when I was 16.


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## love2all

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jane197* 
I hate it when my husband is gone overnight as well - I just don't sleep well. Guess what we don't know when we are young and naive can be a good thing in some ways :>))

Me too- the house does not squeak when he is home and there are never nighttime noises outside!!! What is up with that??!!??

My oldest is 11 and I just started leaving the 3 of them for an hour so i can run to the store or gym and get a bit done while dh is out of town. So overnight is a ways away.
I was left around 14 and had MAJOR parties at the house.. but dd is far more mature than I was at her age so I am thinking 14ish sounds good!


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## teastaigh

My parents always had a relative stay with us if they were gone
overnight. The first time they went away, overnight, without an
adult in the home was when we were all in college. My youngest
sibling would've been 18. I actually think this was very smart of
them. We were all good and trustworthy kids, but, personally, I
felt a bit overwhelmed and lonely when I, the oldest, was left in
charge of my siblings for too long.

My opinion is that it's nice to have a trustworthy grown-up around.
By the way, none of the kids in my family were of the detest-adult
variety. It was a special treat to have an aunt or uncle or such stay
with us and spend time with us.

peace,
teastaigh


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## soygurl

tarted staying home alone for several hours at a time when I was 9. By the time I was 13 I was staying home alone overnight. I don't remember when I first stayed home alone for a weekend, but I was doing it every other weekend when I was 16. My parents had a large ranch 4 hours from where we lived, and my dad was there a ton of the time. My mom would go to visit him on the weekends and I hated going so I stayed home. I was really pretty good in general, but defiantly did a few things my mom would NOT have approved of. Actually I lied to her about some of the stuff that went on. I'd have mini parties with my 3 best friends (2 girls and 1 boy). But we didn't drink, or smoke or anything, and nothing sexual ever went on. Mostly we watched movies. One time we had an indoor water fight.







And on a dare the boy slept naked once. But nobody saw him naked, lol, he was under blankets the whole time! A few time a couple other kids came over and they drank a little, but I never did. Not then anyway...


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## eviesingleton

23


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## philomom

No, I don't think I'll be doing this. My 13 and 11 year olds are wonderful, but I think they could be pressed by friends into doing the wrong things if their friends knew we were out of town.


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## Susan AL

*Brings back bad memories*

I'm here because I recently had a friends kid (aged 13) come by my house after being left alone for the weekend. He was eating just cereal so I asked him to come out with my husband and I to dinner. I really think this kid should not have been left alone overnight as he is not mature enough and often makes inappropriate and emotionally driven decisions.

For those of you who think this is a good idea, based on maturity level, consider that at aged 12 and 13 my sister and I were left alone for just an evening with my younger brothers. They were playing with matches and a candle they had found and when we came into the room they hid it behind the sofa. The sofa caught fire from behind and eventually enveloped the room in flames. A neighbor called the fire department after seeing the smoke which was great because we had tried to put it out OURSELVES with the front yard hose. We were lucky noone was seriously burned.

Maturity had nothing to do with the fact that we were too young to know what to do in this situation. Leaving children alone is always dangerous-especially with younger siblings.


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## DaughterOfKali

If I had a neurotypical child, I'd probably say 16 or 17 for being alone overnight. 
Seeing as my kiddo is on the autism spectrum, I have no idea when he'll be able to spend a night alone. 21? 25? Ugh, makes me nervous just thinking about it!


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## moominmamma

My kids were living in their own apartments by age 15, 16 and 17, so I definitely _would_ have left them home alone overnight before then. I'm trying to think if it ever actually happened: would have been rare, since job and location make it tough for us to be away from home.

My kids were home a lot dealing with power outages and wood stoves and cooking meals and the like a lot from age 12 or so -- during the day. Of course this sort of thing is never entirely 100% without risk, though we were careful to teach them how to assess and minimize risk. It was worth it though, because it built confidence, competence and maturity. They handled independent living beautifully at quite young ages.

Miranda


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## Linda on the move

Susan AL said:


> For those of you who think this is a good idea, based on maturity level, consider that at aged 12 and 13 my sister and I were left alone for just an evening with my younger brothers. They were playing with matches and a candle they had found and when we came into the room they hid it behind the sofa. The sofa caught fire from behind and eventually enveloped the room in flames.....
> 
> Maturity had nothing to do with the fact that we were too young to know what to do in this situation. Leaving children alone is always dangerous-especially with younger siblings.


I think that its weird that this a thread from 2007 and that was revived by someone with 1 post who didn't know how to call 911.


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## EnviroBecca

Susan, it's not that you were too young but that your parents, school, and other sources had not taught you the appropriate response to a fire. By the time I was 8, I had learned "leave the house immediately and call the fire department from somewhere else" from my parents, school, Girl Scouts, AND the "Will E. Survive" cartoons that appeared between TV shows on Saturday mornings. Children should be learning how to respond to a fire years before they are left alone in the house so that they respond appropriately if they are even alone in a ROOM when a fire starts. I've been talking to my son about it since he was 3.

Linda, it is weird that Susan was digging so deep into old threads, but I don't think it's all that weird that she was inspired to register and comment because she had this experience that she felt was relevant to the discussion. The thread is old, but the topic isn't obsolete. Oh, and not every area has 911 service even now, and when I was 12 we didn't have it where I lived--the separate 7-digit numbers for the fire department, police, and poison control were on a sticker attached to each of our phones.


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