# being a "Babysitter" type parent...



## godusjourney (Apr 11, 2006)

Okay, so I've been trying to figure out why the heck can't I be more active and attentive with my kids. And I think I figured it out. I'm acting like I did when I was a 14-year-old babysitter!!! Has anyone else fallen into this trap??

I avoid my kids, tell them to go play and leave me alone...totally just give them snacks and rarely feed them an actual lunch (just started a few months ago making a real breakfast...lol). I give in and give in, just so they'll leave me alone. They run the house and I just hide a lot (mostly on the internet which has become a seriously bad addiction). wow... that makes me feel like a wonderful person, huh??

So, now that I'm conscious of that...how in the heck can I change it? I hate that my kids think I'm boring (dd loves to get away from me every chance she gets, even though she's SHY), they whine all day long, and are getting bored a LOT. I'm not too into playing with them... It actually takes me to think "okay, I'm going to stop doing what I'm doing and give them 30 min. of my attention and play." Dd is always running next door to play with her new friend (they never come here) - and always without asking, but I just let her do it, b/c it's a break for me (who knows what kind of crazy things she's learning over there?!?).

I've always hated sugary treats and junk food, but give in ALWAYS when we're out and at friends houses...b/c I'm too lazy to deal with the circumstance and the fact that I *might* have to leave if I say no (=tantrum). So In other words I give in constantly, if it's the more convenient thing to do, just so they'll hush and leave me alone again.

Blah...how could I end up like this?!?!? I'm so mentally passionate about parenting issues, and then I realize I don't do nearly one of them!!!!

I'm always so jealous of my older momma friends who are always so present and attentive and loving. They have rules (such as no sugar, no TV, no barbies, etc.) that they stick to, and their kids really respect that and know that "no" means no. Period. No yelling involved, no tantrums, it's always been a no-no, and will be for quite some time. They read and play with them, and do crafts and make up stories and songs...etc. etc.

And that's what I see in my head with myself and my kids...haha... not I suppose in reality though. I've been doing attachment parenting since day 1, and I think I've missteped a bit in subconsciously turning that into the permissive parent (and then so frustrated I just keep giving in, letting my values and morals get stopped on in an effort to keep them quiet and happy).

Anyone??







I really feel bad about this, so I'm not sure I could endure a lecture from anyone (although maybe that would kick my butt into gear), but much sympathy and great ideas on changing this silly lazy mind-frame would be AWESOME!!!

Thanks for letting me vent and for any suggestions you guys have...I really need a miracle - I getting so tired of being the "yes," lazy person, instead of the proactive person (just fyi I do this kind of thing w/ all relationships and interactions, so its really this weird obnoxious habit of mine that is jepordizing friendships, possible friendships, opportunities, etc. You get the idea).

Thanks sooo much!!!









Sarah, the fence sitter longingly looking at all the happy people actually living with passion and commitment.....


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

Sarah-

Wish I had advice, but I don't. I am in the same spot right now. Only my addiction is my recliner and TV. I feel crappy about it because I WOH 40 hours a week so you'd think I'd want to actually DO things with them. My oldest totally takes care of the 3 year old. He makes her breakfast, takes her outside to play, helps her brush her teeth...it goes on. I suck.

So, I'm chiming in in the hopes that someone has some sage advice.


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

You sound really tired, to me! At least, when I really want to disengage and go hide with a book, that's usually what's going on. Do you get breaks where you aren't constantly with the kids?

Also, maybe some therapy would help you find a way to meet your parenting goals? Something like a short course of CBT, that is focused on helping you change your behavior patterns if you want to.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Are you depressed? Have you been screened for depression? Your post screams "this mom needs some help" at me. When I had PPD, one of my symptoms was that I just wanted everyone to go away and leave me alone. Sound familiar?

As the pp said -- do you get breaks where you can just do what YOU want to do? (housework doesn't count). Do you have someone you can talk to?

Please take this quiz:
http://www.pndsa.co.za/ms-fc.htm

and if you score high - contact your medical care provider. A combination of medical treatment and behavior therapy is usually really effective. There's a PPD board here too, if you're interested.

What can you do in the short term to connect with your kids? Set the timer for 30 minutes, get down on the floor and play? Take one outing a day - so you all get out and feel better? If you are depressed, this isn't something you can will away, but you can take steps to start helping yourself feel better. Getting out. Eating well. Calling your doctor.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Can you do just one thing today?

Hop off the computer, go get the playdough out, sit on the floor and start to play with it. Make a coil pot, then call them over to show them how cool it is? Maybe hum a little while you do it?

Just one thing?


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

Are you getting away from your kids? How often? Abscence does make the heart grow fonder.

One thing that might be worth trying is giving them attention first. Build into your mental schedule set times where you let them take the lead and you follow and play along. Also, look for ways to build stuff you really enjoy into being with your kids - what do you like - being outside? crafting? Hanging out with friends?


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## jillc512 (Aug 31, 2005)

I had a similar problem for several months after DD was born. It sucks when you find you prefer reading about parenting to actually parenting.

What really helped me was finding a playgroup so I have organized activities a few times a week. I get someone to talk to, we all get out of the house, and they get to burn off some energy so we're ALL happier at the end of the day.

If you can't find a playgroup, make some sort of loose schedule for yourself. Perhaps commit to one activity every morning (or every other morning if that's too daunting). It can be a walk around the block, a trip to the playground, inviting your daughter's friend over to play. Then, have lunch and naps/rest time. After that, I feel much less guilty if I run out of energy and want to veg on the sofa for an hour (or two







: ) in the late afternoon/evening.

P.S. I love your analogy - glad to see I wasn't the only lazy babysitter!


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## godusjourney (Apr 11, 2006)

Wow...thanks guys. I do need to get out more. I really don't have a whole lot of friends here (I don't fit in well with the dominant religion/lifestyle), and the ones that I do have, our kids don't get along well/their kids aren't great influences on mine. It's really hard for me to go anywhere now, b/c ds (17 mos) is everywhere and into everything. For example, I was going to a park day once a week, but every other minute (literally) I'd have to chase him, b/c he would run for the creek. Then I'm more stressed out than really having any fun.

As far as depressed, I've been suspicious of depression since I was about 17 (when I was being seriously parentally controlled, to ridiculousness (even though I was a well-mannered, awesome kid), and subsequently left home to lead an early adult life). I was raised that pharmaceutical drugs are a no-no, and believe that now myself (not extremist about it, they come in handy in emergencies). I'm really not interested in a band-aid, ya know?? I _really_ want to fix it and get to the root of it all. I'm not really _depressed_, depressed...but I took that little quiz someone posted the link to, and I got an 83!!! (which was really high). I guess I just didn't really realize that the symptoms I had were maybe not physical, but perhaps mental.

Geez...that throws a whole new, "wow, now what?" into the picture! lol.

I really love my kids, but I think on some level I've grown to resent them a bit (which of course I push to the back of my brain, b/c I'm so ashamed of the thought). I'm only 22, and just now finding out all of the seriously awesome opportunities that I had available to me, that I can't really participate in now with kids (which is so dissapointing and angering that someone didn't clue me in). I was raised in a very strict christian religion (of which I won't name, so I don't offend), where you were basically taught that you grow up, get married and have babies. EVEN though I rebelled from all of that and believe in total women empowerment and self-love and opportunities for women, I know I internalized a lot of it to the point of living the life, even though it looks more than deviant on the outside.

So I think to a point, this makes me very depressed. I love my kids sooo much (can I say that enough??







), but I realize now that maybe it would have been better for me to experience the world, enjoy my freedom, get an education and discover my passions... and THEN have children that I can share all of that with and give them my full attention and energy.

But on the other hand, my children are what has brought me to my interests, that I may not have found without them.

Strange circle...







:

Anyway...I guess now I'm not asking for much advice, except what REALLY works for depression?? I already eat super, duper healthy (have all along, except for the depressed binging moments)... I'm sure there's things I could add to make it even better. As far as therapy, that would be awesome, but like I said I live surrounded by the religion I left as a teenager...and I've had like-minded friends go to therapists only to find religious recommendations, and not much acceptance for the ways they've chosen to live their life. PLUS I'd like to find someone who won't tell me to get my kids in their own room, wean him, do this, do that... ya know??









Rambling here, very sorry... Hope it makes some sense. Really, thank you sooo much. I can see I've really needed to hear this from someone on the outside.









Much Appreciation,
Sarah


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## godusjourney (Apr 11, 2006)

Oh yes, and I already exercise consistently, but it's hard for me with the lack of energy, to do more than an "old lady" sit on the bike at the gym, workout (and I want so much to have muscle tone!!!







.

just thought I'd add that...

I think I'm going to go check out the PPD forum..thanks for your help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

There are really good therapists out there. You may have to look a bit but I bet you can find one. I started by interviewing therapists on the phone first. Ask them anything because they will be working for you. I asked right off the bat "do you have a religious orientation that influences your work?" ask "how do you feel about working with people with unconventional lifestyles?" or whatever. Then once you narrow it down go for a meeting and again treat the first session as an iinterview. It is worth putting the time in to find someone good. It isn't being selfish to work on this stuff because it affects your kids too.

For what it is worth, I think depression is not at all uncommon among mothers. There is a new book out that I haven't read yet, but I'll mention it anyway. http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9...use/index.aspx

For right now I'd work on identifying one or two small changes you can try now - it may be getting out of the house for a couple of hours with a friend this weekend, getting more exercise, etc. Pick something little and start.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

godusjourney...I see you're in So. Utah. It will be possible to receive non-religious psych advice at the University of Utah hospital in SLC. Is that too far?


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

I second the advice about getting psychotherapy for depression. I'm a psychologist, and let me assure you that it is TOTALLY acceptable and normal to ask "screening questions" of a potential therapist over the phone, such as the ones Roar suggested.

In the meantime, there is a very good self-help workbook for depression, written by a Dr. David Burns:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/045...867934?ie=UTF8

Eating healthy, getting exercise, and getting as much rest as you can are important self-care techniques for depression. It sounds like you're already making good efforts at those things. With your kids, why not try doing one activity with them every day? Making cookies, playing with blocks, going for a walk, curling up and reading stories before bed, whatever.


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

Quote:

seriously awesome opportunities that I had available to me, that I can't really participate in now with kids (which is so dissapointing and angering that someone didn't clue me in).
Just to address this -- I mean, the big issue here is that it does sound like you're depressed, and getting treatment will help with pretty much everything else. But I did want to reassure you that there is very little in life that you can't do as a parent! Your kids really don't stand in your way. They're only tiny for a short time. Whether it's grad school, hang-gliding, dance, change of career, whatever -- if it's a thing people do, you can bet that a lot of the people who do it have kids!


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## forthebest (Jun 19, 2006)

godusjourney, I think cos you are young(lucky you girl!) and you are with your kids a lot it is understandable how you feeling. As a single mom I just found juggling everything a serious big deal, after a while I attempted all the diy stuff the partime work etc and found it hard to get the time/enthusiasm to do stuff with the kids. I totally relate to them running the show which is no good BUT we are only human. In the end I just put a lot of stuff on hold and basically forced myself to say have games night or something where we are together doing something we enjoy,as they get older it gets easier. I attended college for a year bliss! just to be away from the endless drudgery as I saw it, no hols always skint, no me time,no tiny little treats,it gets horrible. I have had some serious bouts of depression in life tho only related to this in the last 5 years just thought that was how it is. Now as I see my kids getting older I cherish the time we have, still trying to juggle everything but have a different mindset. It helps no end if kids can be part of the team helping and stuff,start em young, I just felt like a servant,now they do a bit here and there. We tend to think the world is having a ball while we are stuck in some prison-like situation, but as the pp said nothing is really impossible at least to attempt it, they do grow up they do get independant, I have given my dc lots of time and good stuff to take them through life, happy memories, strong ideals on looking after the planet each other, not to be walked over, to have dreams,ambitions etc, moms tend to be in the background but remember we are the driving force,nurturing, multi-multi tasking, it's real important work but you NEED time to yourself,not getting an iota of time(never had a babysitter, not once)made me resent having kids,total isolation does not make me happy,no tribe, time to have your own dreams, time to make em reality. I fully intend to start making jewellry and getting into arts and crafts after I've got my polytunnel in spring that is oh and our first holiday hopefully next year I intend to drive to Italy, yeah I'm a glutton for punishment. Good luck to you mama, give yourself a pat on the back and just blank out the protests when you say no! Eventually they will respect your decision and even respect you for it!


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## mezzaluna (Jun 8, 2004)

others have given some great advice... i especially think the idea of just committing to doing one small thing a day is great - baby steps - don't try to overhaul everything all at once or you'll just be setting yourself up for failure and guilt.

what i really wanted to say is that this may not have been the absolute best path for you in life, but you're on it now and you love your kids, and you want to be a great mom - so you have a mission for now! since you are young, you will still be young when your children are independent - and you will be able to choose some other paths with this great experience of mothering under your belt - perhaps you will even find that your choices are much better than they would have been at say 19. like college - how many people just go because they can't think of what they really want to do - major in whatever catches their interest at the moment... you will have so much more maturity and reflection and self-knowledge when you choose something like that. the other part is that you are growing up with your children - i know i am doing a lot of growth as a new mom, and i'm a fair bit older (28 when DS was born). you seem open to growing, and that's so important... when i was just post-adolescence i was really resistant to growing - felt i had become who i was going to be and that was that. it took me until at least 24 or 25 to realize i was wrong.

good luck mama, i think you have good things ahead of you!


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

read The Continuum Concept. It really helped me not feel like I had to *play* with ds in order to be connected with him.


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## godusjourney (Apr 11, 2006)

Thanks for all the comments... I'm really getting great ideas of how to fix this lovely thing happening at this time in my life...

Yeah, I know I'm young and I count my blessings that my kids will be all grown up by the time I'm 39 (yipppeee!!). I suppose I tend to have the grass-is-greener mentality, sometimes. I know I can do a lot with them too. I guess I feel bad when I have really cool friends my age, that don't have kids, are really mature and focused, and free to do or go wherever they choose. That's when I get thinking about wishing I had waited a bit.

I have read the continuum concept... great book. I guess what I mean when I say "play" is pay attention to them and listen, and help them come up with ideas of what to do b/c they're young and not around older children who are creative. They can't think of ideas that they don't know exist. Maybe play with them for 10 minutes, get them involved, then go do my own thing while they take over. Seems like in a tribe they would have older kids to help teach them creative ways to entertain themselves...but mom seems to be a poor substitute more often than not... lol. So, gotta do what I can, I suppose, right?

I really am into all this gentle parenting stuff, and really trying hard to make it happen. It sometimes just feels like I'm so tired/worn out I can barely just hang out with them w/o getting irritated.

I'll get it worked out...thanks for the input...I've really needed to hear this, so I can take control and fix it!

Thanks,
Sarah


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

For me personally what you described was the result of me being a very young mom.

I have to say this was really an ongoing metamorphosis through my 20's. Year by year I "came into my own" but it took time. My observation is that most people born after 1970 were not raised to know how to cook, clean, and run a home before they turned 18. If you wait until you are 30 to have kids that gives you 12 years in the world to get some experience learning how to live. If you have a baby at 19 or 20, it's total overwhelm in a very broad sense.

Everything I did to reconnect with my vision as a person and as a family was very powerful for me. Getting rid of the tv, learning how to bake bread, listening to favorite music, etc. anything like that helped to keep me focused on my goals and dreams.

I hope this helps you a little to read.


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## ckhagen (Sep 6, 2004)

Sarah, I literally could have written your posts myself









I do feel like I'm just babysitting and trying to block it out until the parents come to get them. I mean... I love them... totally love them. But I spend a lot of time trying to pretend like it's not happening to me.

I got married the week before I turned 19 and had my first DS two weeks after turning 21. I am SO passionate about being AP, but I'm sometimes a huge failure at it. But, I totally admit that I'm jealous of my single friends. I did do 2 years of college, but I've always wanted to DO something... something huge for society. I keep trying to convince myself that being a mom IS doing something for society. But, it's hard









The other day I made the same observation of myself that you did... I'm the lazy babysitter. It's just like how I used to be when I babysat other peoples kids. It's why I stopped babysitting.

I'm sorry you're in this boat. I hate being in it and I hope we can both find a way out before we miss our baby's childhoods...


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I thought it was funny that this is what you refer to as bibysitter parenting. My babysitter is the one who does all the fun stuff and plays irritating games, takes to the park, etc with my children.







Ialways feel they have so much more fun with her.

but i also don't think i need to entertain my children. that doesn't mean I leave them to bebored. I try to be an intresting person. i limit my computer time. they are generally around me working and learning. they welcome a little free time now and then and they welcome adventures with friends. its all about balance. but i hate playing with them. I won't lie. I rarely do it. but I love to socialize with them and work along side them etc. . . but meaningful work. not putzing around on the computer.


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

well im lazy lately too. i suck!


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Sarah, I am in the same boat as you. Only like the pp said, I feel like as t he 'babysitter' I should be the one to come up with fun stuf to do. I think alot of it has to do with ppd. I took the quiz, and I scored high too. Alot of it has to do with isolation. My only friend is my mom. Whom I adore, who dd adores, who is gentle totally supportive and wonderful. So I am lucky in that respect, but it would be nice to have someone my own age, I am 25. I got married young too, and had dd young, so that may be it too. I feel like I have no time to myself, so I spend most of my time with dd trying to get 'me' time. I realized I really need to get over the guilt of leaving her every once and a while to recharge. I wanted to be totally AP, and always there with her. And I was, for the first 15 months of her life, I think I left her maybe 5 times, and only with my mom, and only for 30-60 minutes. What I came to realize is even in those societies where AP style of parenting is normal, like babywearing, co-sleeping, ebf, ect. There is a whole community of women helping mama's raise their babies. Even in those tribal areas mama is not the only one to hold or care for her babies. Women are all around, generations of women, aunts, cousins, sisters, mothers, all helping the moms out. We are seriously lacking that. NO ONE can do it alone. For the first 15 months of her life, I fed, changed, bathed, played with and did EVERYTHING with dd. Not even dh could do it. I was/still am, a control freak, and it seriously put me over the edge. I had to realize that if I leave her with her daddy, or her nana who she loves, for a few hours, she will not be scarred. She will be better for it, because when mama comes home, she will be refreshed and ready to play, more patient, fun and silly. It sounds like you need some time away for YOURSELF. i sah with dd, so to me time away is usually grocery shopping alone or picking up dry cleaning alone, but it really needs to be taking a class or getting my hair done or a massage or getting a cup or coffee with friends. Something FUN, enjoyable and refreshing. Not errands! HTH


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## Alana (Jan 4, 2005)

I understand...I go through periods like that as well. I am depressed..and I know that has a large role in it.
The other day while I was putting on my 6yo's shoes he said:
Why do we have a mom?
I looked at him
He said "No, really what is the point of a mom, they just like a babysitter or something"








:
Then he went on and on about how great dad is, and I have never wanted to throw in the towel...pack him and my other two off to school and not homeschool...and go get a job.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

No, really what is the point of a mom, they just like a babysitter or something
I'm sorry, that must have hurt









That sounds like something a child says after mom asks them to do several things they'd rather not do. It sounds like his way of expressing autonomy, not a criticism of you as a mother. I'm guessing that dad doesn't keep track of all the nose wiping/tooth brushing/lunch packing/reminders to speak quietly etc. and so of course, Dad seems like the better part of the deal!

My own ds went camping with dh and dh's brother and father this spring, and I think he beamed when he realized I was going out of town on a separate trip. "No mom!" yay!!!

Thanks kid.


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

Another young (22) single mama here, and I feel exactly the same.







I admire you for having the bravery to admit it first.


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

i'm a way older mama. i had my ds at 41, 5.5 years ago. truly, the grass is greener. i'm glad i waited, mostly cause i was an active alcoholic in the worst way till i got sober at 34, and was not in any way responsible enough to have a child.
BUT, i look at all these mamas who have kids my son's age, and they (the mamas) are half my age, and i'm so jealous that i didn't have it going on at that young age. i guess i did it backwards.
maybe you'll get to party and hang when you are done raising them?








don't worry, 30s and 40s isn't dead yet







i think my 30s were just about the best times of my life up to that point.

but i posted cause i feel the same way, lots of times. i am a slacker mama too, in lots of ways. i take my ds lots of places like playgrounds and the lake and the children's museum and storytime/library, but when at home i let him watch videos while i do my own thing LOTS, and he watches a lot. he gets 5 vids a week out of the library and watches them over and over and over. and when he isn't watching, he plays by himself, or bugs the heck out of me to play with him until i yell. and then feel bad. but i don't change my behavior either, just keep hoping he'll stop bugging me. he's very highly spirited and i just love quiet. ack. what a combination, huh? and to add to it, it's just the two of us.
i always feel bad that i'm not doing these really cool crafts and experiments and hiking and things with him







i'm always thinking i'm not doing enough; that he's going to grow up telling people "i watched videos all the time and my mama did nothing with me". though i know it's not entirely true when i do the inventory!

the depression bell ding'ed in my head after reading your post, too, though. i hope you find the therapy or meds that will help you, mama! it'll be ok. you're still a good mama









maybe we'll all find a solution together.

pamela


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

I go through this a lot, too. I have been so burned out lately, it's like I crave "me time" so much that I try to create it at the detriment of my child. He's not being neglected in any way, he is pretty happy, but I feel checked out from him.

How does anyone find the time for therapy? I suspect I am pretty badly depressed, but I have no babysitter. My DH is gone all the time AND I work full time, while managing the house, the laundry, etc. I am very tired and really need a break, but how to do it? I have no idea.

I don't think we as mamas are duty bound to entertain our children all day every day, but there has to be a balance... I am very unbalanced right now.


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## rharr! (Nov 9, 2005)

oh wow, that has so been me lately. What a good term for it.

What I have been 'trying' to do. Is start small.
Take a moment- read two stories.
Take a moment to go outside and looks at bugs and plants
take a moment to prepare and cook a meal
Be sure to sit down at table WITH CHILD and eat meal
Take a moment for a snuggle
Take a moment to observe children in play
Take a picture if the moment is shot worthy
Pull out the album sit down together and look at pictures
Put on my favorite burned CD and sing and dance

I find it easier, if I just think of them as little moments and getting up and taking them when it crosses my mind. It is taking a bit of will power, but seems to get easier as I perservere.


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## mom2evan (Feb 3, 2005)

Have you considered getting a (very) part-time job or volunteering for a few hours a week? It could be a good way to move toward a rewarding career once your kids are older, or at least to relieve the feeling that life is passing you by.

I find that working part-time at a job I like leaves me feeling more, not less, energized and that I really enjoy my time with DS. It is true, in my case, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Knowing that my time with DS has some limits on it makes me appreciate the time I have with him all the more.

I also love that DS gets into really messy art projects at daycare and does lots of innovative projects that I would never dream up.

I really work at finding things to do with DS that I will also enjoy, but it wasn't easy to do this until a few months ago. I remember 18-24 months being pretty tough (mobile, but no sense of self-preservation and still pretty much pre-verbal), and you're right at that age with your younger child, right?

There is something to be said for giving in to the flow of these early years and discovering the neat things you can do with playdoh, or how much fun watercolors can be if you take them out on the deck and let fly with a wet paintbrush, or that it can be great fun to hit a balloon back and forth, etc. But I find it is much easier for me to do this if I feel like I've had an "adult" part of my day, and for me, that's my time at work.

I realize work may not be for everyone, but maybe you can volunteer to do something you would enjoy for a few hours a week? There are lots of places looking for volunteers that will give you very flexible hours - maybe you could take advantage of a mother's day out-type program?

(ETA: lisac77, I hear you on working FT and craving "me" time as well. I've been working FT the past couple of months since DH lost his job, and wow, it's hard! Working PT made me feel balanced, working FT makes me feel very unbalanced and exhausted.)


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## jackaroosmom (May 12, 2006)

I just wanted to chime in and let you know that I too have had those babysitter moments. When my ds was a newborn I was so tired all the time, beyond what I thought was typical sleep deprivation. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which I never suspected. It wouldn't hurt to go to a regular doctor for a check-up, but it doesn sound like you have maybe mild depression.

My best friend is from a very religious community in Utah, so while I don't want to make ANY assumptions, I think I understand a little about where you are coming from. She too was raised to grow up, get married and have babies. She rebelled and moved to California for a while, before moving back to Utah inher late-20's as an Old Maid-lol! She also took anti-depressants, which really helped her get through a tough time and I don't think was a band-aid, so much as allowed her to get out of bed every morning with some hope and the energy to get some therapy. I'm not sure she told anyone in her family or community, but she did it anyway.

Whether you start a family at an early age or when you are older like me (37 when I had my ds), you still have to make time for YOU! I think the idea of setting the timer for 30 minutes of really focused one on one time with the kids is a great idea. Do that, and make sure they have fun things to keep them occupied on their own and you can feel pretty good for doing so.

It is hard right now, but your kids really will grow up in the blink of an eye, or at least be in school soon enough, allowing you to focus more on your goals. Please look into this possible depression. You really owe it to yourself and your family.

Don't lose hope!

Hugs!


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