# missed miscarriage, mostly just a rambling post here



## seafox (Dec 2, 2006)

warning, this is super long! I guess I should make sure I talk more to real folks about this than I have already. But it felt good to write it all down.

I've never posted in here, but lurked for a bit during my (short) pregnancy and also short TTC period. We were pretty lucky to get pregnant on my third cycle off nuvaring, but it was really the second month w/ ovulation and the only month where we even tried to time it right, so it felt like it was a one shot success, which made me pretty happy. I know I'm not super old or anything (31, turning 32 in Oct) but my mom has given me the 'don't wait too long' speech for years. I was so excited to lord it over her when I told her I was pregnant that it only took one real try. Now I'm worried that she was right.

anyway, no real questions, just wanted to write this all out. It was a real shock since I was in for my almost-12-wk ultrasound and had no clue anything was amiss. Hadn't tested for a heartbeat or had a previous u/s or anything. I had never read about missed miscarriages, I figured if something was wrong I would be spotting, feeling it, etc, anything. I said right beforehand to the mr. that I was secretly worried there was no baby. I thought I was being super-paranoid, since "well if there was no baby, I'd have miscarried! spotted at least!" I was still having symptoms (though the nausea had subsided, but I figured that was because I was approaching week 12)

the u/s was pretty freaky - they had the monitor right there and it was pretty obvious something was wrong, it was so small and didn't look like a baby at all, and I knew what it 'should' look like, but I was also holding hope that my very oddly shaped uterus (retroverted, and retroflexed, it does come in handy since I never need to wear anything during my period, it just pools I guess and I can 'let' it out in the bathroom) was the reason we weren't seeing it right away. She left and got the doctor, who then looked some more, took measurements, and the whole time (20min?) I knew something wasn't right, but they didn't say anything. She asked why I came in, which I thought was odd, but I guess she didn't see I was in just for a regular scan, and maybe thought I had had spotting and would be more 'prepared' for the news.

so finally she tells me to get up, wipe off, etc., and then I know. She starts to say its bad news, etc., it looks about 7.5weeks and is already partially reabsorbed, I guess, there was no yolk sac (not sure if there ever was) but a gestational sac and a fetal pole. So I still don't know if its heart ever beat, or if its closer to the blighted ovum scenario. I'm guessing 7.5w there probably was a heartbeat. So I ask why I haven't miscarried, since I was so sure that I would if something was wrong, I'm still surprised that my body wouldn't 'clue in' in this case. But she said its not so rare, although not common to go this long (a whole month) without miscarrying.

what sucks, is that I was really thinking things were fine since I was over the 'hump' of when miscarrying most likely happens - but of course that's only if you know its still progressing, which I didn't realize. What's annoying is if (when, dammit!) I get pregnant again earlier scans are tough due to my uterus shape. But hopefully monitoring heartbeat might work better, not sure. My uterus is so far back in my pelvis (towards the colon, and also tipped completely over) that it would be tough. So no help there.

the poor mr. during all my questions of the doc evidently turned completely white and clammy and almost passed out and fell off his chair. Poor guy! He is one of those that doesn't cry but gets very physically affected. It was in a sad way still nice to see that he was as attached as I was at this early stage.

Since I was so far along, though not pregnancy wise, she wasn't sure how large the placenta was, I guess, and since I hadn't started to naturally miscarry at all, she recommended inducing it or a D&C. Given that it was my first pregnancy she thought a D&C would be easier. Given the shape of my uterus, I think she was worried I might not expel everything in a timely manner at all, and the possibility was strong that I'd end up in the hospital anyway.

so I had the D&C yesterday, it actually went very smoothly. The doc was very nice, and I warned about my uterus shape, etc. I had cramps last night but feel fine today. I didn't have general anesthesia which made me feel better (close enough, local and sedation, but still I'd recover slower from general anesthesia I think)

I am pretty upset, more upset than I think I would be if it had happened when the baby died (at 7.5w) just because I was more skeptical then and pessimistically expecting it. Of course its terrible at any time, but knowing I spent a month not knowing and become more attached to the idea, really sucks. And its more time to wait to try again. I'm planning to wait until my first real period and then start tying again.

While I am upset about the loss, I am also upset that I am now really worried about conceiving again. It was so fast and so easy before that it was nice and I was so glad that my mother wasn't right, and it was such a relief - I know many with fertility issues, and it strains their lives and their marriage, etc. I was *so* happy that I might avoid that issue. While I know its possible there still might be no issues, I am now worried it was a fluke. I am worried my cycles will become irregular (I was very regular before, 28 days exactly, very easy to time things, I even get severe ovulation pain so easy to tell what's going on) but I hear post-miscarriage your cycles can permanently become longer or irregular, or you might have trouble ovulating on your own right away, etc.

and of course I'm worried that even if/when (I really don't know which I should write) I get pregnant again that Ill have trouble trusting it or my body. Given the earlier scan issue as well. I am also worried that my uterus shape might make it difficult to conceive. I am worried that if it takes months I might blame the miscarriage, that it'll strain us, that just feeling more stressed about conceiving (where before, it was a 'hey, lets try! its a little earlier than we'd like but we might as well see) and now there's much more desire, which might put more pressure on the situation. I firmly believe a relaxed attitude makes a big difference, but it'll be hard to see it that way. I just have to remember that its not that long after we first started trying, I thought it might take a year, I need to go back to that thought.

anyway, I just needed to get all this out. Not too many folks knew (we were going to tell after the u/s) so I've only had the mr. and two friends to lean on really. (and one is pregnant, similar time frame as I was, so I don't want to lean too much, I know its hard, she's just over the first trimester hump, but still I don't want to worry her or stress her out with all of this.) Luckily the mr. is awesome, one bright side of all this is its brought us even closer in some ways. We have a pretty lucky life, we don't deal w/ too much adversity, don't fight, etc., so it was nice to see us able to be super emotional and still be able to support each other. Not that I was that worried about us handling kids, but it did reinforce the fact that I think we'd handle crises well, and in a similar or at least complimentary way.

the other (vaguely) bright sides are that it was earlier than we wanted, in some ways, since it would be easier to do house renovations while pregnant rather than with a newborn, (building can't happen until spring) and I was debating playing in a few tournaments past 12 weeks which would be bad for the teams I am on, and now its not an issue, I can finish out the season. Plus, I was going to hear in Sept about whether my job is permanent or not (I am on a weird two year contract at a gov. lab) and telling them I'm pregnant right before that wasn't so appealing.

I guess I do have one question, I wasn't seeing a midwife, just an ob/gyn, who claimed I couldn't see both a midwife and her. Does anyone do that? It would have been nice to have a midwife through this process, though I do really like my ob/gyn, the stories on here about midwives seem really healing. It'd be nice to know what teas to take, other remedies that help, etc. I might try some evening primrose oil, red raspberry tea, etc. I might continue to not drink coffee and really minimize red wine since I easily went cold turkey and it might help conceiving again. I do eat a lot better in the summers (we are part of a CSA) so maybe that'll help also.

and next time I might look into the midwife route. I am a scientist, so the ob/gyn was appealing for that reason, but now I'm thinking the midwife would have been more up my alley.


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## Ninibini (Oct 24, 2007)

I am sorry to hear of your loss.







I just went through a missed misscarriage this week. I was 10 weeks along, when I found out the baby measured at 6 weeks. So, it had been four weeks for me. And then I carried it an additional week before passing the baby naturally at home. This was my third pregnancy and first miscarriage. It is actually VERY common for a woman to lose her first pregnancy, so please do not put too much pressure on yourself about your age. Take care of yourself and rest. Allow yourself to reach acceptance with this before worrying about what will come next for you! You are in my thoughts!!


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## texaspeach (Jun 19, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss


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## seafox (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ninibini* 
I am sorry to hear of your loss.







I just went through a missed misscarriage this week. I was 10 weeks along, when I found out the baby measured at 6 weeks. So, it had been four weeks for me. And then I carried it an additional week before passing the baby naturally at home. This was my third pregnancy and first miscarriage. It is actually VERY common for a woman to lose her first pregnancy, so please do not put too much pressure on yourself about your age. Take care of yourself and rest. Allow yourself to reach acceptance with this before worrying about what will come next for you! You are in my thoughts!!


I am so sorry you are going through the same ordeal. I do know it happens to a lot of first pregancies, just no one I know, though I only know a handful w/ kids well enough to know if they did or not.

I just am kind of sad for the 'innocence' I felt around this first experience with procreating, if that makes sense. That easier experience, while maybe not the most likely thing, I do know many who had it, and I did want it for myself! even if I am lucky, and get pregnant again, and have no issues, there's no going back to how I felt those first three months - skeptical, perhaps, nervous, but no matter what next time that skepticism will be so much deeper.

I did debate a lot about waiting for a natural passing - I think if I hadn't been holding on so long I might have gone that route, I was just so worried that it would be a long time before my body caught up. I hadn't thought of D&C as a negative thing until I read through here, but I'm hoping it went as smoothly as it seemed. Plus the uterus shape thing worried me. My doc actually mentioned that if I had gone through labor before, doing it naturally would be a lot easier.

I do wonder why it takes so long for the body to realize, though? I just wonder why for some that is the case. I read that its considered 'rare' - but seeing how many folk go through it, it doesn't seem rare at all, but common, in fact. But maybe w/ earlier and earlier ultrasounds and such they are finding its not as rare as they thought. I usually am pretty in tune w/ my body is all, its not something I would have guessed would happen.

anyway, thanks so much for responding. it has been really good to read through this forum and read of other people's experiences.


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. It is something that no one should have to go through.


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## Shahbazin (Aug 3, 2006)

Sorry to hear of your loss








The 1st time I was pregnant (when I was 37), I went off the pill, conceived after the 2nd cycle, was diagnosed at my ultrasound just before 12 weeks with a missed miscarriage & had a D & C a few days later. We waited a couple of cycles, then conceived again right away - but I was real anxious, & didn't even read up on any birth/baby stuff until my 2nd trimester, because I was so worried I'd lose that pregnancy too.
So I agree w/the pp that said it's not uncommon to lose your 1st pregnancy, & it doesn't necessarily mean there will be any problems with conceiving & carrying a pregnancy another time.


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