# Mommy why were you moaning?



## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

I hope this is the right place for this post.

My 10yo DD asked me this, this morning... again.







:

I told her I had a sore tummy... again.









Our house is really small and at times we have had to hide in the garage to DTD. The thought of never being able to DTD in my bed at night again until the kids move out is really depressing.


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## RasJi7 (Sep 25, 2007)

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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

"Sometimes when people make love they make noises like that because it feels so good."

Why wouldn't you say something like this? I'm assuming that at 10yo she knows about sex? Why even consider not having sex for years because your kids might know about it? I'm honestly not understanding what the problem is here.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.


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## Sheryl1678 (Sep 15, 2006)

I agree with the previous posters as well. I would have _really_ appreciated that sort of honesty and respect growing up.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I think if you bought a bed for the garage, you're still not hiding it...it won't take long for all your kids to start asking why mama sleeps in the garage.







:


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
"Sometimes when people make love they make noises like that because it feels so good."

Why wouldn't you say something like this? I'm assuming that at 10yo she knows about sex? Why even consider not having sex for years because your kids might know about it? I'm honestly not understanding what the problem is here.

My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?


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## eloise24 (Nov 17, 2005)

Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex. In this day and age, I'd take the time to share with her the basics before she learns from someone else. Even if she's not HSed, if she has any friends, chances are the topic has come up. I'd make a date to talk about it right away, so she hears about it from you.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

I learned about sex in catholic school at age 10 (reproductive education), so I would not be surprised if she knew something.

Otherwise,







:


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

We are in a small house too and have found putting on something for them to listen to at night helps with keeping them from hearing us.

But I agree being truthful with her is better than hiding in the garage, where I suspect she will know something is up. The amount of details you give her is certainly up to you but yeah, I am pretty sure I knew what it was by the time I was 10.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Ehhhh, this is tough. I don't like to lie, ESPECIALLY about sex, but I don't know that your ten year old wants to hear your having sex. No matter how sex-positive and open you are (and really, I would think by ten most kids have heard about sex and I'm hoping they heard it first at home), I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids.

Does your ten year old still sleep in your bed? Or is her room just really close? Our daughter's room shares a wall with ours. We found that even apart from sex, just our moving around or getting in and out of bed made enough noise to wake her because both beds were on different sides of the same wall. We moved our bed and hers to opposite walls and that helps. Do you not close your door and hers? Or wait till she's asleep? Could you put on white noise or wordless music in her room? Rugs? Something to absorb sound?

At ten, I am pretty sure she KNOWS what's going on and asking you about it is probably her way of letting you know she can hear you without having to say, "Mom, keep it down, I don't want to hear it!"


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I didnt learn the mechanics of sex until I was around 13 maybe I remember reading everything I could about sex and finally finding something that explained it in detail. I will talk to dd when I think it is appropriate but for now there just isnt a reason for her to know. She wont be dating till she is 16 and wont be going anywhere without me ie the movies with a group without me till then either. She may have heard bits and pieces at school but she has never brought it up.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

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## ursusarctos (Dec 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

I knew about sex from very early on, though only as an abstract concept obviously since I never saw it. So basically I knew that to make babies a man stuck his penis in a woman's vagina and then the woman got pregnant (I had several younger siblings and was curious). I had an idea that this was pleasurable, but nothing really concrete. I didn't think about it much, it was just an explanation for where babies came from. I think around 10 as I started to develop physically I became more interested in knowing about physical sexual functions, but it still wasn't a huge deal, and I didn't connect it to romantic feelings until I was a teenager.
I think it would probably be much less disturbing to a child to know that her parents give each other physical pleasure than to think that her mom is having stomach problems. That's just my opinion of course and every child is different. You could also leave out the sex details and say that you just feel so good being with her dad sometimes that you have to make a little noise, like when you're really happy.
Personally, when I was little I remember my mom buying pads at the store and I asked her what they were, only to be told that they were "mommy diapers". My mom was probably just trying to avoid telling me about periods, but I was very worried for her actually, because I thought then that she had problems holding her pee







And I was too embarrassed for her to ask about it. I only realized much later what was actually going on.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

My DH just has the "mechanics of sex" talk with my boys on a camping trip. They are almost 9 and 10. I knew from hints the older one was giving that these things are being discussed...I felt that dh should get the basics out in the open because the last thing I want to mis-information to the kids.

DH said the older one asked good question after good question..."Does the man pee in the woman?" "What are 'boobs'?" etc. He told dh he'd heard the 5th graders talking about liking boobs and didn't know what they were.

I think it's very important to not think of kids as younger than they are. I think that can get scary. That said, every child is different so it is up to the parents.

I just think so many parents think they're child is too young or would be shocked and a lot of times they've already heard some rumors or this and that. It seems easier to clear the air.


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## terrainthailand (Mar 31, 2008)

I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents _I_ do it quietly.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *terrainthailand* 
I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents _I_ do it quietly.









Agree agree agree!!!


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eloise24* 
Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex. In this day and age, I'd take the time to share with her the basics before she learns from someone else. Even if she's not HSed, if she has any friends, chances are the topic has come up. I'd make a date to talk about it right away, so she hears about it from you.

My dd is homeschooled. She is blind and went to a blind school until last year. She has been pretty sheltered. She doesn't like to watch TV or movies, so she hasn't picked up anything there. She's not reading/listening to YA books yet as I feel she is too young for those. She has friends some are her age and some are younger.

My house is 800sq feet main floor. We have plaster walls and solid wood doors. We have both doors closed and run the bathroom fan. It really doesn't help that because DD is blind she has supersonic hearing!


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Well, I'll just say I definitely knew about sex by age 10. No, I didn't have anywhere near of a mature concept of sex, but sure, I knew roughly how babies were made.

My mother went through menarche at age 8 (me not until 12, thankfully). While I think 12 is the average age, that still means girls can easily start their menses at age 10. Personally I think it's time to at least give her some books! Otherwise, how scared is she going to be if she suddenly starts her menses, and has no idea what's going on or why she's bleeding? I think a girl could be seriously freaked out.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

ETA: i vote for white noise (your room or hers, either way should muffle the sounds a bit). but i still think you should tell her about sex, in general. she is just getting to the age where she needs to know.


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## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

I knew about sex wayyyy before 10 years old. My 3 year old knows about it, not specifics but she has seen me give birth and knows that her brother and her got put in there by her daddy.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

ETA: i vote for white noise (your room or hers, either way should muffle the sounds a bit). but i still think you should tell her about sex, in general. she is just getting to the age where she needs to know.

Me too my mom was very open about it and even read me a kids book "Where Did I Come From". I mean for us my DD is almost 3 and she's learning about female/male parts and that mommies grow babies and daddies can't but they help make a baby. This is all since I am pregnant, but I want her to know where babies come from.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

Well, yes. They do. My son knew about sex - the mechanics of it, anyway - by age 4. It came up when I was pregnant with his brother. By the time he was six he knew that it was something grownups do for fun, not just to make babies.

I think it's probably time to gently let your daughter know "the facts of life". If she hasn't thought to wonder where babies come from before this, wouldn't you rather tell her yourself than have her possibly pick up misinformation from one of her friends? In fact, I'd be extremely surprised if that hasn't happened already by now.


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## Zenful (Jun 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My house is 800sq feet main floor. We have plaster walls and solid wood doors. We have both doors closed and run the bathroom fan. It really doesn't help that because DD is blind she has supersonic hearing!

I suggest learning how to make very little noise while having sex and at a very low volume. Putting a pillow over your mouth might help. The urge to moan can definitely be stifled and can sometimes even spicen up one's sex life, I've found.


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## zech13_9_goforgold (Jun 24, 2008)

Could you encourage a new bedtime routine, like a book on CD, for her room? Also, do you have a TV in your room? Both of those together might help reduce the chance of hearing you too much.

I know you're doing the best you can. Even though I knew the mechanics of sex at a young age, I never thought about my parents "doing it" for fun. I thought they only needed to do that stuff when they wanted a baby. Since mommy got her womb out, then there was no more need for sex. Now I know









Also, could you get up before her for parent time before she wakes up? I know that morning isn't my best time, but I know you've gotta do what you can.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.

Yes, this.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

Uh, yes? How on earth do you hide it from them? My now 1st graders got a sibling as two yo. so they of course asked where he came from. We started with the simple "he grew from an egg inside mommys tummy" things, but by the age of 3 they knew the basic (penis in vagina) stuff anyway bc they asked and we tell the truth.
A 10 yo. should know how babies are made, and I'd rather they get the truth, and facts, from us early on than hearing wild tales from friends or guessing.
We have some great books about the body and everything around too. (Including how babies are made.)


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.


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## Mountaingirl79 (Jul 12, 2008)

Oy.

Can't you do both? be quieter, play the radio or tv at the same time AND tell her about growing up/ becoming an adult? She is about to go through puberty for crying out loud.
I have to say I do think that 10 years old is definitely old enough to know the mechanics of sex/ baby making. When I was her age I was sneaking romance novels. Perhaps she is trying to get you to tell her by *asking* questions, and I'm also pretty sure she can tell that you are lying about your so called stomachache....This would be the perfect opportunity to tell her your beliefs on sex, procreation and love. It doesn't have to be a dirty or shameful talk, and if you approach sex in that way it will be detrimental to her development.

And I have to address the " She doesn't need to know, she won't even be dating until she's 16." I'm not really even sure how that applies. Do you want to keep her in the dark until the absolute least second? Do you plan on telling her what her period is for when she starts it???? ( Which will probably be soon.......
















My mother didn't date until she was 16 either, not one single date or boyfriend until she was allowed to date at 16.
Then she met my father, and I was born when she was 17.







Just food for thought.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

It applies in that she wont be doing it so dosnt need to know about it. DD so far is like her mom in that she has had zero development toward puberty. I will indeed talk to her about her period when she is probably 10. I just dont see the hurry if she brings it up I will tell her but as of yet it hasnt happened. Dd is a little slower I think than most of her age mates. It has just been a year ago that she noticed that I have hair on my body. She cannot read all that well or would have already gotten her books on puberty.

Every child is different and each one has different needs I dont judge others for teaching sex at a young age but it is not something that needs to be done right now in ours.

If I made it sound like I would be giving the talk as she walks out the door on her first date then I appologize that isnt what I was saying at all. I will tell her when she is ready to hear about it.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

I don't think any one was trying to insult you. You said your daughter didn't know about sex. We took your words at face value.

Ok, so she actually does know that a man and a woman make a baby together and that the man has a penis and the woman has a vagina. That makes your explanation even easier. All you need to tell her is that the one goes into the other. I'm still not understanding what the problem with explaining that is.

As a pp said, she will be going through puberty soon. And if she doesn't hear it from you, she'll hear it somewhere else. And I imagine she might lose a whole lot of respect for you when she figures out your lies about that persistent "stomach ache."


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## ursusarctos (Dec 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

Yes, perhaps this is the real issue at hand anyway? That she's hearing something and you don't want her to be hearing it even (especially) if she knows what it is? I would certainly not be ok with my child hearing me have sex either (though I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it happened by mistake). I think that if you're not going for the garage idea, which really doesn't sound comfortable, then Zenful's suggestion is probably best.
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex







and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

As I said, she probably knows exactly what's going on and asking you is her way of letting you know she can hear you and you should keep it down.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ursusarctos* 
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex







and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?

My kids have known about sex for a long time....and we're still fairly quiet when we DTD.

It *is* lots of fun to cut loose and scream and holler when they aren't home.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

I vote "other"!

Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Sometimes when Daddy gives Mommy a backrub or something it feels so good"?

My kids (5 & 8) know all about sex and have for years. I think I read my dd1 "So, It's Not The Stork" or "It's So Amazing" (parts of it) when she was 4 or 5, so dd2 would have been about 2 then when she heard about it. Those are great, great books for anyone looking for a book to help them. I figured it would be easier and less embarrassing for all of us if I told them when they were little rather than waiting until they were teens or something! We had sex ed in 5th grade in 1975 in public school in the south so I definitely don't think 10 is too young in 2009.

Frankly, I wouldn't be comfortable with anyone except DH hearing me have sex so I'd do what I could to mask the noises or keep myself quieter.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things. It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with

I think that it's time for her to know ALL the details. 10 is the perfect age to have this talk. Her body will be going through puberty in a couple of years (if she hasn't started already - I started menstruating at age 11). The time to talk about sex is BEFORE they're in puberty.

Our 5 year old has known the physical details for 2 years because she ASKED. Our 8 year old sort of knows, but isn't really curious. Dh gets to have 'the talk' with him in about 2 years, I think.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

Well, that I agree with! Kids are OK with the idea of sex. The idea of their parents having sex? EWWWWW....

How about a white noise machine for her room?


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ursusarctos* 
Yes, perhaps this is the real issue at hand anyway? That she's hearing something and you don't want her to be hearing it even (especially) if she knows what it is? I would certainly not be ok with my child hearing me have sex either (though I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it happened by mistake). I think that if you're not going for the garage idea, which really doesn't sound comfortable, then Zenful's suggestion is probably best.
I used to be very, um, vocal during sex but then when DP and I visited my parents for three months I learned to be completely silent during sex







and it really didn't take away from it. You can even make it sort of a game. Maybe you can reserve moaning for times when your daughter is not around (if that ever happens)?

Not very often. I will have to try and be quiet. Makes it better you say?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
I think there are a few things at play here:

1. Your daughter is hearing you have sex. She probably doesn't like hearing it, and you definitely don't like her hearing it. Move beds, put rugs on the walls (for real, it muffles sounds), turn on some music or the tv, etc. to resolve that. That is issue one.

Separate from issue one is:

2. How much your daughter understands of what is going on. It doesn't seem that you know for sure what she understands about sex and, more importantly, sexual development. It is important that you find out because you don't want her learning the hardway. Two stories come to mind --- one is the episode of Dr. Quinn when Colleen gets her period, doesn't know what it is, and thinks she's dying. The other is that of one of my best friends from elementary and middle school whose first period started while she was taking a bath. Her stepmother heard blood curdling cries and thought someone was seriously hurt. She found my friend in hysterics about blood on the towel she was using to dry herself with. When my friend's stepmother figured out what was going on and was able to calm her down, my friend received The Talk. She was nine. I think these are situations that you would like to avoid, no matter how sheltered and innocent your daughter is (or think she is --- I don't know for sure on either score what's what).

So, yes, these are two separate issues but they are related and both very much need to be addressed.

It funny because there are some things that I think of more as how the human body works and not really sex related. Like periods, breasts, body hair, boys having penis, girls having vaginas, uterus', urethras and birth being painful. I have always talked openly about these things. To me sex is the act of intercourse and I think that 10 is too young to really understand sex. The why and how.

If she was 12-13 then I wouldn't feel this way. But she's not she's 10. She doesn't have breasts, body hair, her period or any interest in boys.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

That is exactly how I feel as well.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl79* 
Oy.

Can't you do both? be quieter, play the radio or tv at the same time AND tell her about growing up/ becoming an adult? She is about to go through puberty for crying out loud.
I have to say I do think that 10 years old is definitely old enough to know the mechanics of sex/ baby making. When I was her age I was sneaking romance novels. Perhaps she is trying to get you to tell her by *asking* questions, and I'm also pretty sure she can tell that you are lying about your so called stomachache....This would be the perfect opportunity to tell her your beliefs on sex, procreation and love. It doesn't have to be a dirty or shameful talk, and if you approach sex in that way it will be detrimental to her development.

And I have to address the " She doesn't need to know, she won't even be dating until she's 16." I'm not really even sure how that applies. Do you want to keep her in the dark until the absolute least second? Do you plan on telling her what her period is for when she starts it???? ( Which will probably be soon.......
















Good post, indeed.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
I don't think any one was trying to insult you. You said your daughter didn't know about sex. We took your words at face value.

Yep.

We also have "It's NOT The Stork!", amongst other books, and it's good.


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## ursusarctos (Dec 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
Not very often. I will have to try and be quiet. Makes it better you say?

Well, not *better* per se but it added something to my sex life anyway. It was just a new experience. I found that consciously *not* vocalizing during sex (I have always naturally vocalized from the very first time so it was really a conscious effort) actually led me to be more in my body somehow... I think sometimes vocalizing can have the effect for me of taking my mind elsewhere, sort of spacing out. I still vocalize spontaneously at times but find that after trying quiet I vocalize much less and I tend to be more "in" the physical sensation rather than focusing so much on reacting to the sensation. Of course everyone has different experiences with sex, but at least for me it was a good thing to try because it actually led to a new dimension in my sex life.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10. Heck, I would still be weirded out if she did that now. Could you put your DD to bed with a CD on or earplugs and then play music in your room too?


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

You say she was in school until last year? If she was in school at age 8-9, blind or not, she is likely to have heard something more about sex than you've told her. Even if all the parents of all the other kids agree with you that 10 is too young, which I doubt, some of those other students surely had older siblings who let information "slip" around them.

I know when I was in elementary school, we had sex ed at age 10, so at least according to the school district I grew up in, that's the right age!


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
Ehhhh, this is tough. I don't like to lie, ESPECIALLY about sex, but I don't know that your ten year old wants to hear your having sex. No matter how sex-positive and open you are (and really, I would think by ten most kids have heard about sex and I'm hoping they heard it first at home), I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids...

Yes. 100% agreement.

My parents were too open in an effort to avoid shaming us as they had been. I am far more discreet with my child. It's more than possible to have open communication and provide a sex-positive pov without sharing any personal details of ones own sex life.

I am baffled as to why someone would think that it's developmentally sound to tell a child, "When you hear that noise, that's mom enjoying sex."


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

I understand sex and would still be grossed out hearing my parents doing it... LOL

Parents know their kids and if you feel as though your DD is not ready to know then you know best.

I at one time had a 5 and 6 year olds who lived with me (their dad and I lived together) when I got pregnant with their sister the 5 year old asked how she got in my belly. She knew what sex was already, in detail, so I told her that daddy put the baby in my tummy when we had sex. She was satisfied with that answer.

Maybe you could tell your DD that you and dad have private time in your room and sometimes you do things that feel good. I would then ask if it makes her feel uncomfortable. If she is satisfied with the answer she will not ask anymore questions, my belief is children will ask about things until they are personally satisfied with the answer.


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## MadiMamacita (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
I think it's healthy to keep your sex life private and it's also healthy to put some distance between your sex life and your kids.



yes, this. i'm not a prude and dont think sex is dirty or should be hidden, but that being said i think it is an adult activity and kids dont need to be involved in their parents sex lives. i remember hearing my parents and feeling very disrespected. i think parents should take all measures possible to insure the kids dont have to hear them. its uncomfotable, and as a kid you cant just leave or go somewhere else.
even if you dont think of the sex per se as a problem, think of it as a noise issue. i wouldnt want to hear loud music that keeps me awake, either!


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thisbirdwillfly* 
I am baffled as to why someone would think that it's developmentally sound to tell a child, "When you hear that noise, that's mom enjoying sex."

Since I'm the one who said (something like) that, I'll respond. Discreet as we may all hope to be around our kids, chances are that at some point they will see or hear something. And when that happens, I would far rather tell my curious children - who already know about sex and understand that it's something parents do - that I was making that noise because I felt good. Rather than lying about being in pain.

Developmentally sound? For most of human history, kids have been around, in the same room, while adults were having sex. Private rooms have until very recently been a luxury for the extreme rich. While I'm happy to have the privacy myself, I have no doubts that the majority of humanity has developed just fine in these circumstances.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

I agree with the PPs that I would not tell her.

What child (or adult child for that matter), wants to know when their parents are having sex? No thank you.

If I heard a noise like that from the parental bedroom, I'd perhaps assume that's what it was, and be slightly icked out, but not knowing for certain it wouldn't really bother me. But if Mom came out and told me: "Now, when you hear me moan and gasp and shriek like that, dear, that's when we're having sex." I mean....Yuck?!

At that point, my own "space" has been violated with receiving information I didn't want (or need) to know.

I agree that the answer here is YOU muffling your own noises, not lying to her.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
...And when that happens, I would far rather tell my curious children - who already know about sex and understand that it's something parents do - that I was making that noise because I felt good. Rather than lying about being in pain...

That's what *you* as an adult would rather do, I'm questioning if that is in the best interest of a child who is being raised in this culture. It's different to have been around something your entire life than to find yourself in a room by yourself wondering what your mother is doing in another room.

My kid is 17 years old, we've never had the big, sit down "sex talk" because that's alway been part of our dialouge. I never told him, "When you hear that sound, it's mom having sex with dad." I just learned to be more quiet. Why? Because I grew up knowing what was going on and it is not a pleasant memory, as good as my parents intentions were.

As someone else has said, looking back it was disrespectful. Where was I supposed to go at that young age?


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

This is an interesting conversation. Thanks for the recommendation for It's Not the Stork -- I just ordered it.


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## ~Kristina~ (Mar 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
I'm with the PP, be honest. Eventually she will realize what those noises were and wonder why you lie to her. It's better to be honest.

I was/am perfectly content with my parents lying to me! ROFL


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thisbirdwillfly* 
That's what *you* as an adult would rather do, I'm questioning if that is in the best interest of a child who is being raised in this culture... My kid is 17 years old, we've never had the big, sit down "sex talk" because that's alway been part of our dialouge. I never told him, "When you hear that sound, it's mom having sex with dad."

I think you are misunderstanding me. I never said I would, nor do I advocate announcing to children out of the blue "When you hear that sound, it's us having sex."

I'm talking about the situation described by the OP: the kid happens to hear it _and asks you point blank what that noise was_. As a parent, you've got two choices in that situation. Lie or tell the truth. I would prefer to tell the truth to my children.


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## laurelg (Nov 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Crystal_R* 
I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10.

Good lord YES! Whatever you do, do NOT say that!

I was ~7 when I got the big sex talk (complete with an anatomy book) and I understood it perfectly - the mechanics, the process of conception, even the idea of it feeling good and of orgasm. (I was aware of what a flaccid penis looked like and even asked how it could go into a vagina like that, since I was having visions of having to stuff it in there like a pillow in a pillowcase!







) My mom could have done a better job adding details as I got older and had a little more contextual understanding (she also completely neglected the topic of masturbation, which caused me much mental strife when I discovered it on my own at oh... 9?), but I definitely understood. I don't think 10 is too young to understand sex, at all.

Now, all that said: I would try to be quieter. Play music in your room or hers. For me, this is a matter of incorporating someone into my sex life who doesn't want to be there. It's a consensual thing. And, this is coming from someone who will DTD in the family bed with a sleeping LO in there - but, for us, doing it around her when she's awake or cognizant of what is going on is absolutely _not_ an option.

I do not think sex is wrong or dirty. I do think it is intimate and meant to be shared between consenting people, including consenting to overhearing it.


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## Serenyd (Jan 6, 2008)

When I was young teenager my parents used to be rather noisy (we lived in a small home too). I sort of had a fit about how uncomfortable it was for me to listen to them (my sister had already moved to the couch in the living room). After that we got moved to the back room of the house w/ no air conditioning, but it was better than listening to _that_ in the middle of the night. They were not trying to quiet at all







: It's not one of my fondest memories of living with my parents. Point is, you could try to be little quieter ... or you give her some earplugs or a white noise machine. Or you could sound-proof your bedroom ... lol.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

Honestly if you DD has that great of hearing, you might just have to practice being quieter.

I have to say that I also would be a bit weirded out if my parents had said,"well sex feels so good I moan," gosh I have been camping with friends as an adult and thought it was weird that someone would make so much noise having sex, especially when other people are around. I guess I get it, but it seems a bit inconsiderate of others to be all noisy DTD when they are within hearing distance, JMO. Some things need to be kept to yourself.


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

I would take a slightly different approach to what some of the PP's said....

One, I wouldn't tell her the 'truth' about the previous episodes, but if she did ask again, I would tell her. Maybe something along the lines of "I'm sorry you heard that, your father and I were being intimate, and sometimes mommies and daddies make noises like that....." I would get a white noise machine/fan and try to be as quiet as possible so that she doesn't know when you are DTD. I always knew when my parents were and it grossed me out.

BUT, I think you should have a talk with your daughter about sex. I knew what sex was when I was probably around 5-6 years old.







I did go to a public school and rode the bus, but by 10 YO I would say she probably DEFINITELY knows something/has some questions. She needs to hear it from her Mama. She may even "know" what you are doing and that is why she is asking you why you are moaning.. She is testing/prodding to see if you will tell her. She will probably be starting her period soon (I was 11 when I got mine..), and if you can tie all of that in together, that would be good.


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## MomToKandE (Mar 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Crystal_R* 
I would have been so weirded out if my mom had said sex feels good so I moan at 10. Heck, I would still be weirded out if she did that now. Could you put your DD to bed with a CD on or earplugs and then play music in your room too?

Yes, that. I also don't want to hear my parents DTD now.

What about one of those white noise sound screen things? http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&key...l_9b4a2x4tgz_b


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

I don't think she really needs to know the exact physical details. She can be told that it's something that's enjoyable without going into all the details. I'd basically just say sex is something that Mommy and Daddy enjoy doing with each other and it feels really good. When things feel good we sometimes moan (like after having some rich yummy chocolate cheesecake - mmmmmm). You can say that it's how babies are made but it isn't just for making babies.

At 10 I didn't even know what a vagina was let alone the fact that a penis should go in it. I think it's not that my mom tried to shelter me, it just never came up. I think that maybe she just thought my older sisters would fill me in on the details. My DD is 10 and she knows how it all works but she also asks a ton of questions. She was also around 5-6 when she first started asking about things she was hearing at school. I'm glad she knew enough to just ask us, her friends were telling her that kissing was sex.







:


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## moaningminny (Dec 31, 2007)

While I do believe a 10 year old needs to know about sex, I don't think they need to know about mummy and daddy's sex life.

If I was 10, I really would have wanted to have my parents lie to me.









And no, my user name doesn't have anything to do with this thread.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gillibean* 
At 10 I didn't even know what a vagina was (..)

But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

I turn music or what not on in Ds's room so he doesn't hear us. He's never woke up I think because of the noise in his room and we are ummm..... yeah.... not to quiet









Also they do sex ed here in WNY in 3rd and 4th grade as girls are getting their period at 8 and 9 now














My nephew just in june turned 10 and he asked my sister and I about sex we asked where he heard that and said at school they had sex ed that day they forgot to send the memo out and my sister works there and no one said anything about doing that because the teacher feel funny because of how young they teach them now!


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## moaningminny (Dec 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?


I don't really use my vagina daily.

I'm imagining girls have found it by 10, but maybe haven't paid much attention to it? I honestly can't remember when I really discovered mine.


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

I think that the thought of my mother being in so much pain from a stomachache that she would moan, repeatedly, in bed during the night - would have been EXTREMELY worrisome to my 10 year old self. I would have thought something was seriously wrong with her, and probably obsessed about it for months.

But maybe I'm weird that way?

OP, I'm not sure what the right answer is for you, but I suspect your daughter does think you're hiding something when you answer. Hopefully she thinks you're hiding the fact that the noise is sex, instead of thinking that you're hiding the fact that you have a terrible illness.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
I don't really use my vagina daily.


DH wishes!


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## moaningminny (Dec 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
DH wishes!









That's what I originally wrote, but edited at the last minute.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

We put a CD player in the kids' room and started a bedtime ritual of listening to looooong books on CD.


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## expecting-joy (Sep 15, 2007)

Nothing profound to add.

I did hear my parents as our beds were against the same wall. I didn't like that. But then again they weren't open and I'm sure they had no idea.

I agree with finding a way to be quieter/mask the noise.

I'm sure she either has some idea and is asking not to hear it or she's starting to get really worried about your health.

With a blind dd with acute hearing I would do some serious insulating. Is she sleeping in your bed or is she in her own room? I didn't see an answer to that question.

I wish my parents had told me more by that age. The stuff I was getting at school/on the street was very confusing and contradictory.

My kids know the basics. I agree that it's better to share as much as possible as early as possible.

Anecdotally, I remember at age 10 trying to figure out the penis into the vagina thing. Nobody had mentioned flacid vs. erect to me and it wasn't included in the literature from school. That would have been nice to know.

As for using the vagina daily at age 10, I highly doubt MOST girls are, although perhaps some are. I certainly wasn't.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beanma* 
Maybe you could say something along the lines of "Sometimes when Daddy gives Mommy a backrub or something it feels so good"?
.

I'd go this route, but also (seperately) teach my 10 yo about sex.

My mother finally talked to me about sex when I was 10, and it was _too late_. I'd already heard everything from neighborhood friends, been shocked, and insisted they were lying. Boy, was I embarassed when I found out they were telling the truth







.

My 8 yo understands the mechanics of sex, and even that people do it for pleasure. It really isn't that difficult to understand. Even children know that it feels good to rub between their legs, kwim? All the same, I don't want her to know the when and where of _my_ sex life. The backrub explanation covers the moaning without worrying the child about a stomachache...and also will make sense to the child when she puts it all together when she is older.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?

Why would a child's vagina be in daily use? Mine certainly isn't!


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta* 
Why would a child's vagina be in daily use? Mine certainly isn't!

Do people mean vagina or vulva/clitoris? I'm trying to understand....

10 yo girls masturbate. Some certainly do it daily. That doesn't nec involve the vagina, though.


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

I haven't read every post, but this is what I was thinking. Maybe its just me, but I think there's a world of difference between understanding the mechanics of how sex works (Daddy's penis + Mommy's vagina = baby) and understanding the reality of 2 people you know engaging in sex. That it lasts x amount of time, that daddy is doing things with mommy that make her moan, etc etc etc.

I mean, think about it. Every single one of us understands that our father's penis entered our mother's vagina and we were conceived. But now take that scenario to the next level and imagine your parents making love with any degree of detail... the sounds, what it might have looked like, and, well....









Hope I'm making sense without being too skeevy..... its late.....


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belia* 
I haven't read every post, but this is what I was thinking. Maybe its just me, but I think there's a world of difference between understanding the mechanics of how sex works (Daddy's penis + Mommy's vagina = baby) and understanding the reality of 2 people you know engaging in sex. That it lasts x amount of time, that daddy is doing things with mommy that make her moan, etc etc etc.

I mean, think about it. Every single one of us understands that our father's penis entered our mother's vagina and we were conceived. But now take that scenario to the next level and imagine your parents making love with any degree of detail... the sounds, what it might have looked like, and, well....









Hope I'm making sense without being too skeevy..... its late.....

Well said!!
Can you just yet to be a little quieter? I mean you can have and teach the healthiest, most honest philosophies about sex but that doesn't mean that its not going to still gross her out to know exactly what you are doing when you are moaning. What about her right to feel comfortable? She may not appreciate knowing what she may already have a clue about. It will be more than likely as unsettling for her to know these details as it would be for you to hear her and her boyfriend in 8 years getting it on.
Sex is a healthy thing but IMO it's a private thing.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
i knew what "basic" sex was (penis in vagina) and that it made babies when i was 4. i think 10 is really, really old not to know about sex.

.

Oh my goodness seriously 4? I grew up on a farm and saw lots of birth. I remember as a kid my mom getting me books from the library on reproduction. But it wasn't until really around 12 that I "got it" and really understood was to make of it. I was also 12 when I started menstruating. About grade 7 was when we had the sex talk at school (this was back in 84/85). That being said....I would probably make something up...lol I am too private about things (plus I remember waking up and realising what my parents were doing and trying to erase the vision from my head!







)


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## FernG (Feb 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

My sister and I have worked extensively with very conservative and "sheltered" evangelical homeschool and private school kids as well as secular public school kids and by 11-12, all of the kids are dealing with sexting and at least oral sex. They aren't all doing oral sex, but they are all having to make the choice. Lesbian sex and porn is a big issue. Things are very different than they were even 10 years ago.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

When I was ten I understood the whole penis, vagina, baby making part of sex but I had NO IDEA about the actions, sounds, and pleasure involved. I think there is a difference between understanding sexuality and understanding the joys of sex.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

"I must've been having a weird dream sweetie"? And buy sound proof panels for your room? They're apparently only $10 or so to make.

I'm not sure what I'd actually do as a parent, but that's what I'd would've wanted my mom to do if I asked that question at age 10.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

Yes. In fact it's because I knew about sex that I would've wanted my mom to not tell me why she was moaning.

(I also made her buy me a book about menstruation instead of telling me.)


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## brightonwoman (Mar 27, 2007)

I didn't know what sex was when I was 10. I knew that sperm from the dad got into the mom to make babies, but I seriously thought they swam through the bed (thus the phrase "sleeping together" and the apparent shock about new pregnancies on movies etc...)







I was probably early teens when I figured it out and then looked it up to see if I was right...yeah, I was a geeky kid.








Anyway, with your dd being blind and having the super hearing, that's all the more reason to be honest with her I think. You don't have to tell her about sex per se if you don't feel she's at that stage (and in her situation I'd think that maybe she's not), BUT you can tell her that mommy and daddy like to spend time together before they go to sleep, and that you like to do things to make each other feel good (if she wants examples you might mention massages and snuggles and kisses etc). I expect she would be able to understand that someone might make contented/happy noises in such a situation. I mean, if you were a screamer it might be different, but if you're a moaner then you can probably get by with that kind of explanation. I do think honesty is the best policy, but it's also ok to only answer as much as they ask (don't offer more info than they are asking for, if that makes sense).

ETA, I agree with the pp's who have commented about knowing the truth being healthy, but too much info is really a taboo thing for most of us (everyone I've ever met). I remember in a college psych class the teacher was explaining about the cultural taboo against thinking about/seeing our parents DTD. Obviously we all know they did it to make us, but we don't want to think about them still doing it, let alone see/hear them. In Freudian terms it's because of the Oedipus/Electra complexes (which I totally don't believe in) but regardless of why it is, it's definitely an ingrained taboo--at least in western society--so yeah, I'd avoid going into too much detail with her unless she specifically asks. Like I said, I'd tell her that it's a loving/good activity, but not discuss details.


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## Eeyore35 (Aug 2, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *terrainthailand* 
I vote for finding some way to DTD without her hearing you. Seriously, when I was around that age (maybe a bit older) my bedroom shared a wall with my parents' bedroom and I used to hear them DTD all the time. At the time I knew what was going on and I found it very upsetting. Maybe I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I used to lay in bed trying to will myself to fall asleep quickly so I wouldn't hear it. Of course now it doesn't bother me... no emotional scars or anything... but at the time I really didn't like it.

Just to clarify, I don't think sex is a dirty or shameful act and I know that in many cultures where the entire family sleeps in one room, hearing your parents DTD may be the norm. In the context that I grew up in, however, I found it upsetting and I think it would have been more respectful to DTD when I wasn't around - or at least more quietly. I know that if I DTD when visiting my parents _I_ do it quietly.










I didn't vote. I think you need to be honest,and either move your daughter out of your bed or have sex in another room from her.

Anyhow,i was a very naive homeschooled kid. at 9,I knew where babies come from,and sort of knew about sex. A little before I turned 10,my mom told me the really basic mechanics of sex,and also that you could get pregant if you almost went all The way. It was a little late for that talk. A male relative a few years older than me had already tried to have sex with me. It was bad enough I still have issus emotionally,from it. If I'd had any clue what this relative wanted to do,I might have been able to stop it,I wouldn't have given in to his badgering, perhaps? Oh,and after the convo with my mom,I was also terrified i as pregnant. My mom never thought this would happen. They were very strict,no dating til 17,etc. I did tell my mom what happened,but she was,and pretty mcuh still,is in denial.


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

First, I think she needs to know about sex. Sadly, some kids are already having sex themselves by 11 or 12. She needs to know, and you need to talk to her about it so that she understands the details and why its not a good idea at her age. Saying nothing is just too dangerous. I would hate for her to not know and find herself in a situation that she doesn't know how to respond too. Other kids her age will be talking about, she needs to hear it from you.

As far as what to tell her. I'm not sure. I've lived in apartments with thin walls where I could hear my roommate DTD down the hall through both my closed door and hers. I'm staying with my father right now, I have an upstairs bedroom and he has a downstairs bedroom and I can still hear them DTD when his GF is over. Its not at all something I want to hear. But its so awkward that in all those situations, I've never said anything. Sometimes I turn my music up really loud to drown them out, but you really have to turn it up LOUD, past socially acceptable levels, and even then, some moaning gets through. I was hoping they'd take the hint (if we can hear her music, then maybe she can hear us?) but so far, apparently not. Im an adult and it weirds me out. I guess I would vote a small white lie. I'd rather figure it out when I'm older and can laugh at how naive I was to believe the story I was given than to KNOW what they're doing. That said, a stomach ache is likely not the best cover story. Tell her you were getting a massage, or eating chocolates or something. Given that your DD has acute hearing, I'm unsure music or white noise will work. I would look into soundproofing, or arrange your schedule so you two have time when DD is not around.


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eloise24* 
Unless she's homeschooled, she probably knows a lot more than you think about sex.

I was homeschooled...trust me, we knew what sex was too. I first heard about it when I was 7.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
I don't really use my vagina daily.

What, you don't pee everyday? Or wash? Or get dressed, put on undies, and kinda register that it's there?
That's what I was thinking about re. a 10 yo. girl. (And yeah, I should've used a better word. I get the miss-communication here.)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta* 
Why would a child's vagina be in daily use? Mine certainly isn't!

Yeah, look above her.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Youngfrankenstein* 
DH wishes!










Quote:


Originally Posted by *moaningminny* 
That's what I originally wrote, but edited at the last minute.









You dirty ladies! :nana:


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eeyore35* 
I didn't vote. I think you need to be honest,and either move your daughter out of your bed or have sex in another room from her.

Anyhow,i was a very naive homeschooled kid. at 9,I knew where babies come from,and sort of knew about sex. A little before I turned 10,my mom told me the really basic mechanics of sex,and also that you could get pregant if you almost went all The way. It was a little late for that talk. A male relative a few years older than me had already tried to have sex with me. It was bad enough I still have issus emotionally,from it. If I'd had any clue what this relative wanted to do,I might have been able to stop it,I wouldn't have given in to his badgering, perhaps? Oh,and after the convo with my mom,I was also terrified i as pregnant. My mom never thought this would happen. They were very strict,no dating til 17,etc. I did tell my mom what happened,but she was,and pretty mcuh still,is in denial.

Sorry I wasn't perfectly clear. DD does NOT sleep with us, she sleeps in her own bed in her own room!

Okay so here are my thoughts and I thank everyone for their imput so far.

I still think DD is too young to know any graphic sexual details. Like many posters have said I wouldn't have wanted to know if my parents were DTD. Luckily for me their bedroom was far, far away from mine as a kid. My DD has know since she was out of diapers that if she touches herself "down there" it feels good. I thought about how it would make me feel if she started moaning with pleasure whenever she touched herself and it makes me feel sick actually. But that is what I am doing to her and it's not fair to her at all.

So I just need to be quiet. If I can quit smoking, this should be a breeze right?


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
So I just need to be quiet. If I can quit smoking, this should be a breeze right?

Millions of people throughout history have done the same if they do not want others in close vicinity (their children or otherwise) to know they are having sex. And, yes, it can add to the passion!







(imagine that he's your teenage boyfriend--snuck in through the window--and your parents are in the next room, lololol)


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
What, you don't pee everyday? Or wash? Or get dressed, put on undies, and kinda register that it's there?
That's what I was thinking about re. a 10 yo. girl. (And yeah, I should've used a better word. I get the miss-communication here.)


Umm peeing and all that does not involve the vagina. Vulva maybe, but vagina, no. That's the point the others were trying to make.


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
But, don't you have one? How could you not now what it was, it's in daily use isn't it?

That's like saying how could you not know you have an epiglottis, it's in daily use. At 10, I was too busy climbing trees, making forts, playing soccer, and all kinds of other stuff to spend time exploring my nether regions. I had just never bothered to give it much thought, I had other things to do.

I do agree, kids have more to deal with at a much earlier age than I had to deal with. I would not be comfortable with my 10 year old being as naive as I was at 10.


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## moaningminny (Dec 31, 2007)

I knew my "girl parts" were there, but I can't remember really doing too much with them and thinking about them too much.


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## FingerLakesMom2B (May 20, 2008)

Whoa nelly
I'm all for truth and honesty with your children about sex, but I would be freaked the hell out if my mom told me that she and my dad were having sex the night before and that was what I had heard. especially when I was 10! To this day I would appreciate a little white lie when it comes to my parent's sex life. But then again I went to Catholic school, never had any sex talk whatsoever. I lost my virginity in high school and never knew what my clitoris was, that it existed or that women had orgasms until 6 years later. So I'm not the poster child for white lies about sex... But I just think that some things are private for a reason.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

You know, the simplest way around this, to me, without lying, is to just make the connection like a pp did about when you do something really nice, sometimes you moan. You eat a great piece of dessert, you moan. Well, Daddy and I were having some time together and I really enjoyed it. He gives great back rubs, and I love to snuggle with him, blah blah blah. Then it's not a lie, but an omission of the detailed material the child does not need to know.

If she knows about sex, she can put two and two together herself, and wonder. That, to me, is a heck of a lot better than Mom just saying, Yep, it was sex and it felt good!

And prettypixels - Yes, I bathe and put on underwear and wipe and all, but I don't involve my vagina for any of that. And when I was 10, I didn't either.


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## abiyhayil (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FernG* 
My sister and I have worked extensively with very conservative and "sheltered" evangelical homeschool and private school kids as well as secular public school kids and by 11-12, all of the kids are dealing with sexting and at least oral sex. They aren't all doing oral sex, but they are all having to make the choice. Lesbian sex and porn is a big issue. Things are very different than they were even 10 years ago.

OMG! Where are kids doing these things? I was always very naive I just can't imagine ..


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

Quote:

OMG! Where are kids doing these things? I was always very naive I just can't imagine ..
Anywhere America. I don't want to go into too many personal details but aside from the technological changes that have happened in the last 10 -15 years, this was all happening when I was a kid. By 6th grade I was hearing rumors of girls thinking they were pregnant or having abortions. My best friend was 14 when she had hers.

Oh, and my husband was exposed to porn when he was 4 years old!!! (Had several older brothers.)

I am all for giving children maturity-appropriate information on the subject and believe me I am still not quite sure exactly how to broach the issue with my own kids, but please, please don't assume your kids are too young to have picked up on anything like this or that they aren't being pressured by it.


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FernG* 
My sister and I have worked extensively with very conservative and "sheltered" evangelical homeschool and private school kids as well as secular public school kids and by 11-12, all of the kids are dealing with sexting and at least oral sex. They aren't all doing oral sex, but they are all having to make the choice. Lesbian sex and porn is a big issue. Things are very different than they were even 10 years ago.

Sexting, oral sex, lesbian sex and porn by 11-12. WTF is wrong with this world? Where are these kids parents? Where do you live FernG?


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## feminist~mama (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

Yep, I'd say that most of them do. My dd does- and has- for years. She's eagerly anticipating starting her cycle and has a "period pack" that she's carried in her backpack for a year. Lol.


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## signingmamma (Aug 28, 2009)

DD is 4 and knows the basics about sex, she knows that mommy and dadd "make love" to make babies and the basics, she knows that we were made different for that reason. She knows that daddy has a penis and that mommy has a vagina.
But here most kids know those facts at a young age.


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## LDSmomma (May 11, 2009)

We had a sex ed class in school in 4th grade, which I think means I was nine. I knew about sex well before that, though.

I think it is best to be honest, but I think it will be very hard to do once DS is old enough for that.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fruitfulmomma* 
Anywhere America. I don't want to go into too many personal details but aside from the technological changes that have happened in the last 10 -15 years, this was all happening when I was a kid. By 6th grade I was hearing rumors of girls thinking they were pregnant or having abortions. My best friend was 14 when she had hers.

Oh, and my husband was exposed to porn when he was 4 years old!!! (Had several older brothers.)

I am all for giving children maturity-appropriate information on the subject and believe me I am still not quite sure exactly how to broach the issue with my own kids, but please, please don't assume your kids are too young to have picked up on anything like this or that they aren't being pressured by it.

This is what I remember from my middle school and high school time as well. I lived in two different countries, the US and an Asian country; and in the US, I went to a boarding school, where there were people from all over the country and the world. Everyone had stories about themselves or their friends. Of course, I haven't the slightest idea how much of it was real, how much exaggerated, and how much flat-out made-up, but we're talking about hearing about sexual details, not about what may or may not actually have happened. As to where the parents were? Kids can be very sneaky. This was 1987-1994, FWIW.


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## DianeMarie (Jul 7, 2009)

I'm kind of laughing about this............

I agree with another poster who suggested that you TRY to be a little quieter during sex. Practice whispering instead of moaning..........

At the age of ten, your daughter should at least know the mechanics of sex---she doesn't need to know about different positions and oral sex and foreplay and swinging from the chandeliers sex, LOL!! I also don't think she needs to know about the pleasures of sex either, right now.

Sure, kids need to know about sex, and they do after a while either through "the talk" with parents or through sex ed at school. But they, just like MOST of us, cannot even stomach the thought of our parents having sex!! EWWWW!!! Having to lay in your room and hear your parents moaning and groaning could/would be nausea inducing and may make her very uncomfortable, and in turn, give her aversions to sex or affect her thoughts and feelings about sex and/or having sex.

In my humble opinion, sex between your parents should be something that is private and should be kept private. I don't think your daughter, at 10 years old, needs to know the nitty gritty details, especially if she's been rather sheltered. She should probably get the talk about puberty, getting her period and what that means as far as fertility, and then that could segue into the talk about the mechanics of sex. As she gets older, she will either talk to friends or read books or through movies find out that sex is pleasurable, and maybe she will come to you and ask you about it.

I remember when I was a kid........and I am getting nauseous thinking about it, LOL..........I walked into my parent's bedroom and my father was on top of my mother..........they looked at me and I made a 360 and walked out. I didn't say anything to them, but later my father said that he was "keeping my mother warm", BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I knew what they were doing---and I wanted to puke!!! Somehow, we simply cannot fathom the thought of our parents having sex...............imagine walking right into the middle of it!!! YUCK!! LOL!!!


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

you know, if you tell the truth it may gross her out of your bed.







.


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## flutterbudget (Jun 29, 2006)

I'm not sure this applies directly to the OP, but to the sex ed discussion in general. I think it is worth noting that not all kids will ask questions.

As a child, I was acutely aware that every step I took toward growing up seemed to make my mom a little sad even if she was also proud of me. So I never wanted to bring things up until _she_ felt like I _should_ be ready. Does that make any sense? So I waited for her to volunteer information and I'm sure she was waiting for me to ask. Which really just ended up with me deciding my mom was never going to be comfortable discussing this stuff with me and finding answers elsewhere.

I think that as uncomfortable as it is for us as parents, and as much as we'd like them to stay little sometimes, it is important to let them know its ok to grow up and to make sure they _feel_ like the door is open to talk about stuff rather than just telling them it is. KWIM?


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

I'm definitely in the camp that thinks it's pretty gross to have to listen to other people having sex. I would do whatever necessary to try to make sure that she doesn't hear you-- wait until you know she's asleep and then try to keep it down









I think that some sex education would probably be appropriate (I keep reading that middle schoolers are into blow job parties these days- yikes!)-- but I would keep that separate from any discussions of "noises" in the night. Seriously- even now I would really get icked out if I was visiting my parents and could hear them going at it-- just yuck yuck yuck! (and seriously- I'm no prude- I swear!)


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## Jen-o (Jun 16, 2009)

Personally, I would just try to be quieter, or be strategic with your time.
You could have a sex talk with her, but once she knows that "those sounds" are sex sounds, then she may find it quite disturbing whenever she hears them. I wouldn't want my daughter visualizing me having sex!
I'd go more along the lines of "when mommy & daddy spend time together" I make those noises, than "when mommy & daddy are having sex" I make those noises. Like getting a good backscratch right?


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FingerLakesMom2B* 
Whoa nelly
I'm all for truth and honesty with your children about sex, but I would be freaked the hell out if my mom told me that she and my dad were having sex the night before and that was what I had heard. especially when I was 10! To this day I would appreciate a little white lie when it comes to my parent's sex life.

I feel the same way. I'm fine with talking about sex in general and educating my kids, but I would so NOT want to know any details about my parents having sex.


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
you know, if you tell the truth it may gross her out of your bed.







.









She's not in the bed


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeliphish* 
She's not in the bed

oh. LOL
I understand the small house - ours is too and all TILE. sound carrys. LOL


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

Okay, I was in this situation when I was a kid. I wish my mom had said she had a tummy problem.

It was great that my mom would answer any sex question I had in a general way. However, I really wish she hadn't given out specific information about her personal sex life with my dad. I know they have sex, good for them. There are some things your kids don't need to know. I've made a vow of quiet sex until the kids are gone just to spare them the awkwardness.









It actually backfired on my mom, because I really never asked her about sex again. I was too embarrassed and worried I would get personal information.

BTW I'm super open, comfortable in every way with my sexuality, and have no sexual "issues," just wish I didn't know certain things.

One day your daughter will hear the noise and she'll know what's going on, no need to explain it now.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

I knew when I was five. My mom told me! Penis puts sperm in vagina, sperm meets egg, makes baby. Feels good. We were like- "Moving on..."

I wouldn't lie. Just say, you had sex, some people moan when they have sex. It doesn't feel bad, it feels nice. Short, simple, not detailed. If she wants more she can ask.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

BTW can I add that I lived in a culture where people shared a sleeping area, and parents did not have sex at night. Usually, they waited until the kids were out playing and dad would come home unexpectedly from the fields. The men and women often slept separately.


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

Yes. They really do.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
BTW can I add that I lived in a culture where people shared a sleeping area, and parents did not have sex at night. Usually, they waited until the kids were out playing and dad would come home unexpectedly from the fields. The men and women often slept separately.

What's the line from Song of Songs? "Come away to the olive grove my love" or some such?


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
What's the line from Song of Songs? "Come away to the olive grove my love" or some such?

Oh isn't that lovely.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

10 "I belong to my lover,
and his desire is for me.

11 Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages. *

12 Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom-
there I will give you my love. "
Song of Solomon 7:10-12 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...+7&version=NIV

_____

I find this whole discussion very fascinating as I grew up very sheltered. I did find a book when I was 11-12ish that explained sex and anatomy and such, but I really didn't get a sex talk. Ever. I got my period at 12 but I had read about it so it wasn't one of those OMG I'm dying moments that someone mentioned earlier.
To give you a real life example, I didn't actually know how to pronounce the word vagina until I was 16 (n college taking health 101). Very mortifying in retrospect to think how little I was told. I loved my parents dearly and I know they were trying to raise me and my siblings the best way they knew, but my dh and I plan on being very pro active w our dd when she's old enough(she's 10 mths lol).
As a former soc major I find this a fascinating discussion!








P.S. Yes I had alot of issues resulting from lack of info, but we're good now.





















*


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## ParisApril (Apr 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
oh. LOL
I understand the small house - ours is too and all TILE. sound carrys. LOL

We have all hardwood.


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## ~bookcase~ (Apr 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *baglady* 

One day your daughter will hear the noise and she'll know what's going on, no need to explain it now.











it's a criminal offence to have sex in front of children, and I strongly believe that telling a child what's going on in an overt way is similar to doing it in front of them. It's irrelevant if she knows what sex is or not.

I'd try putting a CD on for her listen to and tone down the groans


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## AmandaGRB (Aug 30, 2004)

I agree completely with giving her enough info to protect herself against unwanted sexual contact. If she knows what's going on, she can say no instead of letting herself be led into a situation with inappropriate contact. And, don't think it can't happen, even if she is always with you. This can happen in an instant, with you right around the corner.


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## itsmyturn (Aug 17, 2009)

My DD is 7 and according to her she "heard us kissing".
So, I went with it and told her that sometimes mommy and daddy like to kiss when we are alone, since kids think it's gross.
Young kids don't really want or need too many details.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shukr* 









it's a criminal offense to have sex in front of children,

is it really?

I know this seems obvious But I wonder in a historical context, I mean - when people lived in one room houses which wasnt that long ago, or tents, etc, how was sex performed? outside? LOL.

just curious....anyone know?

eta: I'll just call my maid to take my kids while my dh and I dtd. LOL.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

This thread is amusing and surprising me. I'm surprised at how many people are grossed out by the idea of their parents having sex. Seems like on a Natural Family board, wouldn't we all be like, "yeah man, groove on padres!" I mean how did we all get here? Yeap my parents had sex, and now they have sex with my step parents. What's gross about it?

I guess my vision is just that people accept that couples have sex, not that only certain people should have sex. They ain't gotta be pretty, or young or anything in particular. And yes that includes parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Heck if older folks are GIO, I say more power to them!

Besides, one day it will be you, people will shudder to think you have sex, and perhaps you will wonder what's the biggie, shouldn't everyone?


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

i totally knew about sex. my currently ten year old cousin knows about sex.

i think that if the OP just tells her daughter, and uses it as an opportunity to show how when she is having sex it's with someone she loves and is in a committed relationship with, then all will be well.

however...if this is not a love-filled, committed relationship maybe you shouldn't tell her. i was very confused by my single mother's adult relationships. now i know that many adults have sex/expect to have sex with one another early in the relationship. then i just saw/heard it as her having sex with every boyfriend she had...and that sent the TOTALLY wrong message, despite what she TOLD me sex was all about (love).


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teenytoona* 
This thread is amusing and surprising me. I'm surprised at how many people are grossed out by the idea of their parents having sex. Seems like on a Natural Family board, wouldn't we all be like, "yeah man, groove on padres!" I mean how did we all get here? Yeap my parents had sex, and now they have sex with my step parents. What's gross about it?...

But we are still mammals. I simply do not believe that it's society that convinces us that our parents have sex is unappealing. It's part of the protection so that we seek out partners whose DNA is not overly similiar to ours.

In theory, I want everyone to have a great sex life. In practice, the very last people I ever wanted to overhear was my parents.

Quote:

the kid happens to hear it and asks you point blank what that noise was. As a parent, you've got two choices in that situation. Lie or tell the truth. I would prefer to tell the truth to my children...
I did not miss your point. I understand that you prefer to tell your children the truth about this. So did my parents. I think they were wrong, it was developmentally inappropriate in this culture and I didn't do the same thing to my kid. The arguement that the truth is always age and situationally appropriate is not one I buy into. At all.


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta* 
You know, the simplest way around this, to me, without lying, is to just make the connection like a pp did about when you do something really nice, sometimes you moan. You eat a great piece of dessert, you moan. Well, Daddy and I were having some time together and I really enjoyed it. He gives great back rubs, and I love to snuggle with him, blah blah blah. Then it's not a lie, but an omission of the detailed material the child does not need to know.

If she knows about sex, she can put two and two together herself, and wonder. That, to me, is a heck of a lot better than Mom just saying, Yep, it was sex and it felt good!

And prettypixels - Yes, I bathe and put on underwear and wipe and all, but I don't involve my vagina for any of that. And when I was 10, I didn't either.


i like this. if you're really against letting your dd in on the idea that you were "having sex" then at least let her know that it was ALONE time between you and daddy that you were enjoying. like a backrub.

if she knows about sex (which i'm sure she does...this may even be a TEST...i was a rude little bugger at 10!!!) she'll put 2 and 2 together. if she doesn't--then you haven't shared any information that needn't be shared.


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## vermontmomma (May 29, 2009)

i think you should have that talk very soon, in an age appropriate yet totally honest way. i knew what sex was in elementary school but there was always misinformation floating around. my mom was too embarassed to tell me anything, told me that getting a period is when you "pee blood so that you can have a baby," exact words. when i got it at barely 11 i was terrified.
it wasn't until a year or two later that she put a book in my room about sex ed and a year after that she was giving me condoms because i "was having sex with all those boys you hang around with" (i wasn't, he was practically my brother we were so close)
all in all i was made to feel terrified, like the subject wasn't sometime to discuss openly, and like my family thought i was a whore. not the types of messages i want dd to get!


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sancta* 

And *prettypixels* - Yes, I bathe and put on underwear and wipe and all, but I don't involve my vagina for any of that. And when I was 10, I didn't either.

Pixiekisses.

I didn't think prettypixels would ask if you had a vagina or whatever.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teenytoona* 
This thread is amusing and surprising me. I'm surprised at how many people are grossed out by the idea of their parents having sex. Seems like on a Natural Family board, wouldn't we all be like, "yeah man, groove on padres!" I mean how did we all get here? Yeap my parents had sex, and now they have sex with my step parents. What's gross about it?

I guess my vision is just that people accept that couples have sex, not that only certain people should have sex. They ain't gotta be pretty, or young or anything in particular. And yes that includes parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Heck if older folks are GIO, I say more power to them!?

Teenytoona, I think that you and I and EdnaMarie are the only people on this thread to share those sentiments.

I am sorry that anyone was traumatized, grossed out or made to feel uncomfortable by the knowledge that their parents were sexual beings who had sex. And I can completely understand how that would color a mother's approach to this subject.

But I can assure you that not all kids feel like that. When I realized that my parents dtd, I thought it was pretty odd. Kind of funny, even. But not disgusting or icky. Just one of the things adults do to express love. My reaction had nothing to do with being a mammal or society, and everything to do with the matter-of-fact way the information was presented. And of course, that colors _my_ approach with my own children.


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
My 10yo doesn't know about sex. Ummm she's 10. I didn't know about sex until I was 13 and even then I didn't know any details. Do 10yo usually know about sex?

I taught sex ed. to my fifth graders who were 10 and 11. Most of them already knew about sex. BUT, that doesn't mean they knew all of the details, just how babies are made, etc. I'd get a few surprised looks when they realized just how that sperm gets to the egg.









I've gotta tell you though, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable saying you were making love if she's not yet up on all that stuff. I'd have the talk with her first and give everything time to sink in, and for her to ask questions. Until then, maybe you and daddy are kissing, cuddling and "massaging" - that's what feels so good. You can add more to the story later if you feel comfortable.

Some 10 year olds are surprisingly mature, while others are quite child-like. Go with your gut, but be as honest as you can be.


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## ~bookcase~ (Apr 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 

I know this seems obvious But I wonder in a historical context, I mean - when people lived in one room houses which wasnt that long ago, or tents, etc, how was sex performed? outside? LOL.

just curious....anyone know?

eta: I'll just call my maid to take my kids while my dh and I dtd. LOL.

i guess they didn't/ don't do it butt naked and with full vocals









or maybe some people get turned on
or just aren't bothered by children and other adults in the house/room knowing everything








They also often have/had childcare and could probably snatch more quiet moments than we can in 3 bedroom houses









Some cultures take a shower after sex/orgasm so it becomes really obvious as children get older (or for other adults where extended families are living together). There is no shame in sex, but it is still, in the moment, for the couple alone. Not shared territory. We can take whatever reasonable precautions to keep it that way, as far as is possible.

There is balance in everything. Being discreet isn't shameful. Being indiscreet can be, potentially, extremely traumatising for a child. The way we view these things will also be colored by how we grew up, how we felt when we found out about sex etc

Peace.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I don't think I would be making loud enough noises for my child to question







. I wouldn't be comfortable telling my child that the noises he hears are mommy and daddy having sex. And I'm not a prude or anything, just that my sex life is not family business.


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## muttmom92 (Mar 20, 2005)

I haven't read all of the replys, but I'd find a way to keep yourself quiet and maybe add some white noise to her room. When I was a little older than your DD, my parents had their bed against the shared wall of my room. Hearing them have sex was frankly the last thing on earth I wanted to hear. I ended up asking my mom to move her bed, which really embarrased her.









Just because a kid knows about sex doesn't mean they want to listen to their parent's do it.


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## nj's_mom (Jan 13, 2009)

I just wanted to add- I was forced to listen to my mother and her husband having sex alllll through my childhood. Even before asking, I knew what it was. When I got around to asking about it/mentioning it, I was basically told Oh well, get over it, married people have sex. Um, yeah- but I don't want to hear it!

It is a show of basic respect to keep your private life private from your child. Doesn't mean you can't be open about sex, but there is NO NEED for kids to hear their parents DTD.


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## nj's_mom (Jan 13, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Teenytoona* 
This thread is amusing and surprising me. I'm surprised at how many people are grossed out by the idea of their parents having sex. Seems like on a Natural Family board, wouldn't we all be like, "yeah man, groove on padres!" I mean how did we all get here? Yeap my parents had sex, and now they have sex with my step parents. What's gross about it?

I guess my vision is just that people accept that couples have sex, not that only certain people should have sex. They ain't gotta be pretty, or young or anything in particular. And yes that includes parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Heck if older folks are GIO, I say more power to them!

Besides, one day it will be you, people will shudder to think you have sex, and perhaps you will wonder what's the biggie, shouldn't everyone?

I think you're asking a lot in terms of maturity level of the child, simplicity of the parent/child relationship, etc.

It's one thing with an older, more mature kid who has an open, loving relationship with his/her parents and no negative assocations re: sex.

But that may or may not be the norm for most kids. I think for kids to have to learn to relate to sex, esp. in the beginning, in regards to their parents "doing it", is a bit off. It was for me, at least.

Your theory sounds great- in theory. But most people, hearing their parents DTD (even if on some level they arehappy for them) are going to be a bit grossed out. It's instinctual.


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## Carliegirl (Jul 26, 2005)

I personally think you should share the details of sex with her, I think she's old enough and I had a mom who didn't tell me until I thought I'd hemmoraged and was dying. But, I realize this is highly personal and to some people very scary so I respect your right to wait if you honestly think its the right thing to do for your child.

I also agree with the poster who said that there shouldn't be anything repulsive about people we know having sex. I think reinforcing this cultural idea is damaging and off base.

I think soundproofing is good, having sex at other times (when she's out...etc) is a good thing and also learning to dtd quietly, perhaps on the fllor instead of on a bed which squeaks and bounces is a good thing too.

I would also say though that none of that addresses the issue of how to deal with your daughter's repeated questions. I would expect that her repeated asking implies that she knows something or else doesn't really trust your answer and is asking again to see if you'll be more forthright. I think she deserves an honest reply. Even if you're going to approach the sex talk I wouldn't do it with this question as an opener...its somehow awkward. I would however apologize for waking her or disturbing her sleep and tell her that everything was fine, you were having a good time and forgot to be quiet. I like the chocolate illustration the previous poster suggested too!


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## chiara (Apr 6, 2005)

we turn on the tv to drown it out


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I voted to tell the truth.

After all, children who don't want to hear about why Mommy was moaning, don't ask. So, answering her question isn't tantamount to you bringing it up and saying, "By the way, if you hear such-and-such sounds this is what's happening." You're just giving an honest question an honest answer, for crying out loud.

I don't think you need to give graphic details -- after all, I think most 10yo's have discovered that certain sensations feel really good ... I mean, maybe they are not all masturbating -- but, heck, it is even sexually-pleasurable to pee after you've been holding it a while ...

So, you know, kids already know about the good feelings even if they don't know it's "sexual."

Although, if my noises were waking up my children, I'd certainly find a way to stop waking them up. I agree that it's not considerate to be waking people up in the middle of the night just 'cause I feel like making a racket.

So far, the only time anyone woke up was not due to ME making noise -- but due to it being 4th of July. This was the earlier part of the night when both girls usually sleep soundly ... and some loud explosions outside our window woke my older dd (then around 8) --

"And she looked over and said, 'What are you guys doing? Are you doing sex?'"

And dh just said, "Yeah, you caught us" (and of course we stopped and hastily pulled our clothes back on).

She's known about sex since she was 4 and I was pregnant with her sister. She wanted me to explain it all in detail. She also wanted me to tell her when we were going to do it again, so she could stay up and watch us. I just said that sex is something private between 2 people, so we couldn't do it in front of her.

She has, however, seen cats mating, so that satisfies her curiosity somewhat.


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## TandK (Dec 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ParisApril* 
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina. What toddler doesn't know that? Mommy and Daddy together make a baby. Yes she knows that. She was 6 when I was pregnant with her brother I read to her from Dr. Sears The Pregnancy Book and she even felt him coming out of me. Please don't insult me by thinking she doesn't know these things.

It's the exact details of the physical act of having sex that I am having a problem with and even if she knows them that doesn't mean she is eager to listen to us doing it.

I feel that you should just stick with your motherly instinct. After all she is your DD and only you would know what to say to her. However, being that she is blind, she probably can tell the difference between a moan of pleasure and a moan of pain.


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## ThoughtFullMama (Oct 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
So far, the only time anyone woke up was not due to ME making noise -- but due to it being 4th of July. This was the earlier part of the night when both girls usually sleep soundly ... and some loud explosions outside our window woke my older dd (then around 8) --

"And she looked over and said, 'What are you guys doing? Are you doing sex?'"

And dh just said, "Yeah, you caught us" (and of course we stopped and hastily pulled our clothes back on).

She's known about sex since she was 4 and I was pregnant with her sister. She wanted me to explain it all in detail. She also wanted me to tell her when we were going to do it again, so she could stay up and watch us. I just said that sex is something private between 2 people, so we couldn't do it in front of her.

She has, however, seen cats mating, so that satisfies her curiosity somewhat.









that's too funny


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## BirthIsAwesome (Nov 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
What, you don't pee everyday? Or wash? Or get dressed, put on undies, and kinda register that it's there?
That's what I was thinking about re. a 10 yo. girl. (And yeah, I should've used a better word. I get the miss-communication here.)

Just piping in to say that you don't pee with your vagina. You have sex and birth babies through your vagina; you pee through your urethra.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X* 
I didnt learn the mechanics of sex until I was around 13 maybe I remember reading everything I could about sex and finally finding something that explained it in detail. I will talk to dd when I think it is appropriate but for now there just isnt a reason for her to know. She wont be dating till she is 16 and wont be going anywhere without me ie the movies with a group without me till then either. She may have heard bits and pieces at school but she has never brought it up.

Is there a reason for her NOT to know?


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I say tell the truth - but not in detail - I learned about sex at age 4 from a book my mom bought me while she was pregnant with her 2nd (where do babies come from?) She and my dad were always very open to questions about sex - they were 17 and 18 when they had me so I think they just were more open about stuff in general.

that said I *never* heard them DTD until I was an adult. I think a 10 year old probably has some idea, and sense she has such excellent hearing - and is around the age when most girls start developing - probably is just curious. If you haven't explained sex yet, do that first, and then just say, well, daddy and I were having sex and sometimes it gets a little noisy (like screaming on a rollercoater; you just can't help it sometimes) - but I don't thing she wants or needs a lot of detail.

Sex ed is funny - I took it at her age and one of the kids asked our teacher what oral sex was. Her answer: French kissing. And this is what I thought until I was a freshman in highschool -

I think honesty is always best when you can. but total honesty sometimes can be totally tmi!


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## Gimme Pineapple (Sep 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brightonwoman* 
I didn't know what sex was when I was 10. I knew that sperm from the dad got into the mom to make babies, but I seriously thought they swam through the bed (thus the phrase "sleeping together" and the apparent shock about new pregnancies on movies etc...)







I was probably early teens when I figured it out and then looked it up to see if I was right...yeah, I was a geeky kid.









That is adorable.


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## nola79 (Jun 21, 2009)

I didn't read all the replies, but I would vote for finding a way to DTD quietly. As a kid, I remember hearing my mom and stepdad and it was just gross. I knew it was natural and all but still, no one wants to hear their parents doing that, especially at age 10 when you're just about to enter puberty and starting to wonder about your own sexuality. I don't think 10 is too young to hear the truth, either, I just think once she knows the truth, it might creep her out. At least it did me and all of my friends who had the same experience growing up.


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## brokenheart (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
For most of human history, kids have been around, in the same room, while adults were having sex.

Sorry, but just...EW.


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## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brokenheart* 
Sorry, but just...EW.

















but its true!!

it apparently still happens. i am working in china right now and i was asking a co-worker about cosleeping with her twins (they are two) and they still sleep all together... and she joked about making sure her kids were asleep so they could have some private time, and because they have small homes here... that happens most of the time in the same room.


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