# waiting to miscarry



## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

This is my second miscarriage. When I miscarried in December of '10 I started to spot at exactly 8 weeks. I went to the ER and an ultrasound showed that the baby was 6 weeks along and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was sure about my dates so I knew it was over. It took about a week and in the meantime I had to fly with both kids from New Mexico to Oregon or the holidays and my husband had just deployed a couple weeks before. It was hard, but my mom was there for me and I'm glad that it happened naturally.

This time I should be 10 weeks today. At my first appt on Monday an ultrasound showed an 8 week 4 day baby with no heartbeat. I told them I want to do this naturally and wait, but now I'm wondering how long I can do this. I still have a little belly and I feel like I'm still pregnant, but there will be no baby. My daughter's birthday is in 2 weeks and I don't want to be laboring and miserable when she is so looking forward to her party. My husband is deploying again in a few weeks and I don't want to do this without him again. I don't want a d&c, but maybe some ideas on how to speed things up a little. Or advice on how to make to wait bearable.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

I'm so sory for your loss.

I miscarried my first baby naturally (He was 13 weeks). It took a few weeks total from the time he died. This past time I went to the hospital to have labor induced for reasons similar to what you stated. It was right before Christmas and I didn't want to be miscarrying Christmas day. I would have taken cytotec at home but because I was (again) 13 weeks it had to be done in the hospital. You could see about having a medical induction at home if you want to speed things up. I was induced 13 days after he died this past time and had no signs of starting to miscarry naturally. Because medical induction is a little (or a lot, depending on your experience) harder on you, you may be able to wait another week or so to see if it will happen on its own before trying cytotec.


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## thecoffeebean (Apr 11, 2011)

Lisanne, I'm so sorry for your loss. We were both in the Aug DDC. How are you doing? Still waiting? I found out yesterday (10w3d) that my baby had no heartbeat and had passed at around 8 weeks, too. Now I'm waiting to miscarry at home. I am bleeding on and off and starting to cramp pretty steadily, but I don't know how much longer this will take. I had a D&C for my 8 wk miscarriage so this is all new. I'm thinking of you and hoping your body starts the process soon.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Lisanne, how are you doing today?

Coffee, I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

Still waiting. Nothing has changed. The first few days were really hard, but for now I'm just staying busy. My baby turns 3 soon so I'm planning her party and my 5 year old starts a new level of swim lessons today. I'm painting the master bathroom too. It was a dark purple-red and I know I'll be spending some time in there soon and wanted a nice soothing color.

Coffee. I'm sorry that you are joining me here


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## thecoffeebean (Apr 11, 2011)

Lisanne, I'm glad you are keeping busy right now. It is helping me cope. I've been on a sewing binge since I found out two days ago. I've made or repaired probably 20+ things, it's kind of out of control. It's making me feel a lot better, though, to be creating instead of waiting around.


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

I think keeping busy is really all you can do. I've had an awful head cold all week that is not helping. I need my head to stop pounding.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

I kept busy too while I was waiting for my last baby to be born. (He was induced 13 days after he died.) I sewed a little gown for him and some blankets, lined a basket, etc. Kind of anything I could do to keep busy.


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

If you don't mind me asking M Anna, how was the induction? I have an appointment on the 12th and if nothing has happened by then I know they will want to do something. I'm not sure how long I can hold them off. And I want do be done before my husband deploys so I won't be alone.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

The story of my last miscarriage is here (it's the last one on the page - Andrew). Now, remember that my baby was 13 weeks when he died (we induced 13 days later), so I couldn't do this at home. Your experience would likely be a bit different. If you look on the birth stories thread here on the loss board you will probably find some at-home inductions at closer to 8 weeks. Several people who post here have had at-home inductions and maybe one of them will speak up. It may be worth the induction to know that your husband will be able to be with you.


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## thecoffeebean (Apr 11, 2011)

I miscarried last night, just In time before the appointment I had for this morning to discuss induction. I am so relieved. It was 10 times LESS awful than I envisioned. I am sad that I'm not pregnant, but I'm just so grateful that I didn't need the medication for induction.

Lisanne, are there any updates? Are you bleeding cramping any more? I'm thinking about you and hoping that your body starts things soon.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Lisanne I was just thinking about you too. How are you doing? Any signs? (I didn't have any signs at all that it was coming with my first miscarriage until I started spotting 2 hours before I delivered the baby, so don't be too discouraged.)


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## joy2grow (Apr 10, 2006)

I just found out yesterday that my baby passed at 6 weeks, s/he should have been 12 weeks old (the sack had continued growing till 10 weeks). So now I am waiting to miscarry too. I would really love to have it come naturally, but am not sure I'm open to waiting very long. I spotted for 2 weeks before finding out via ultra sound that my baby was gone and it was such a long, hard two weeks, I'm just worn out emotionally. I asked my midwife what I could do to speed things up and she suggested vigorous exercise (as if I feel like doing that!), goldenseal or black cohosh. There is less information on the internet than I'd expect....or maybe I'm just not looking in the right places. I'm tempted to go the Cytotec route, but there is a lot of conflicting information on that drug....including that it is not FDA approved for use in this way. I'm not a huge believer is what the FDA approves or not so I'm not sure what to think.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

I'm very sorry for your loss, joy. Cytotec is very commonly used for missed miscarriages and can be used at home for your gestation. There are official guidelines for dosage according to gestation and everything, so don't worry about the FDA not approving it (I've never heard of that and I'm a nurse.) To the best of my knowledge vigorous exercise won't help at all in speeding things up. Some people are more familiar with the herbs than I am, but I'm much more worried about mucking about with them (when there are different things about them all over the net) than I am something that is used very, very commonly.


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## joy2grow (Apr 10, 2006)

Thanks for your input, *M Anna*, I'm sorry for your loss as well. I have decided I am going to pursue the drug induction route. Will see my doctor on Monday & pick up the prescription on Tues -- will probably have to wait till Friday to take it because of my work schedule though. Sigh.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

That's probably wise although I wish you could take it sooner. It's possible that you may deliver on your own before then. In general (there are exceptions) I think people find delivering naturally easier than the cytotec, but for some it just never starts on its own. Conversely, many people have long, drawn-out natural miscarriages (mine was 3 1/2 hours total from beginning of spotting - so short) that last days and cytotec is almost always much, much quicker than that. KUP. (((hugs)))


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

Still nothing at all. Not a single spot or cramp. I have an appointment tomorrow to discuss options and I may request one more ultrasound. I won't intervene in any way until at least next weekend though. Not until after my daughter's birthday. We should know by the end of the week if my husband is really deploying or not and if he is not then there is no rush.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

When you have the ultrasound, make sure they check your cervical length. That may give you a little indication if this is starting or not. Now, if it's long (normal), don't be discouraged because that's what mine was 36 hours before I delivered.

I hope your husband isn't deploying so you can do this at your own pace and as you feel comfortable. Prayers and hugs.


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

We scheduled a D&C for next week. I'll go in for an ultrasound on the 15th and he'll insert seaweed (laminaria) to dilate. Then the next day we'll do the D&C. My husband is scheduled to leave that weekend after. I really hope I go on my own before then though.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

Prayers that you go before then. ((((hugs))))


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## thecoffeebean (Apr 11, 2011)

Thinking of you and hoping you start on your own very soon. Hugs to you!


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## joy2grow (Apr 10, 2006)

I was able to rearrange my schedule and make time to take the cytotec yesterday morning. The contractions were very painful and intense, but thankfully as soon as I passed one large mass the pain subsided almost to nothing -- that came about 45 minutes after taking the dose. I was given two doses but am going to stop at one because I bled for nearly 3 weeks prior to the actual miscarriage. I am so glad to have that behind me. Waiting to miscarry is one of the toughest things I've ever gone through, I'm sorry you are in the place now Lisanne. I do hope you get relief soon









ETA: I went ahead and took the second dose this morning just for good measure. Interesting it was *nothing* like the first time....no contractions, very little cramps, just a bit of extra bleeding....so I guess my intuition was right & I am really done.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

joy, I'm glad the cytotec worked so efficiently. And yes, you were definitely right to take the second dose! I hope you heal well.

(((hugs)))


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## stegenrae (Jun 10, 2006)

Joy, I'm still sorry for your loss, of course, but glad you have the relief to be out of the special hell of limbo while you wait. I'm wishing you lots of healing thoughts and peace now.

Lisanne, Still thinking of you. I hope you are well.








to both of you.


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

I have finally started spotting. It's brown, but starting to pick up a little so I am hopeful that I will not need to keep my D&C appointment. I also found out that my husband is definitely deploying at the end of this month. I cannot wait until this month is over. While he is gone I'm sure I'll be on here asking you all for advice on how to prepare my body to try again when he gets home.


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## M Anna (May 27, 2011)

That's wonderful (you know what I mean) news that you're spotting. I remember being positively overjoyed when I started spotting because I knew I wouldn't have to have the D&C. The baby was born 2 hours after I first noticed it. I hope yours is similarly quick.

Feel free to join us over on the TTCAL thread when you're ready. And KUP. Praying for you.


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## Lisanne (Jun 11, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *M Anna*
> 
> That's wonderful (you know what I mean) news that you're spotting. I remember being positively overjoyed when I started spotting because I knew I wouldn't have to have the D&C. The baby was born 2 hours after I first noticed it. I hope yours is similarly quick.
> 
> Feel free to join us over on the TTCAL thread when you're ready. And KUP. Praying for you.


I feel the same way. Relief that I won't need the D&C. I hope anyway. Still very slow going. I looked at my blog though and last time I started spotting on December 3rd and didn't pass the baby until December 9th so I guess my body just takes awhile. I may lurk on the TTCAL thread, but it may be awhile before my husband is home from his deployment so I don't know when we can try again. Probably good to take a break and get myself into shape and ready.


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