# Really annoyed w/ bored 4 month old. Need ideas.



## wirewendy (Nov 19, 2005)

My 4 month old boy is a big boy. He is also annoyed all the time. Which means he is constantly complaining. He wants to be held, but refuses any kind of carrier. Except a back carrier, but then he pulls my hair. He gets mad at his toys. He needs constant maintenance. The problem is that I have a 20 month old daughter who is getting almost no attention. I am not getting to eat. Our house is a mess, which is depressing.

What the heck can I do to engage this fellow? I have tried all sorts of toys, all sorts of slings and carriers, chew toys, even now, as he is sitting in my back carrier he is complaining and yanking on my hair which hurts like hell.

He is not physically uncomfortable. This is all his personality. Help! Any ideas? He is happy if we are outside. But I can't be outside all the time, and during the day it is way too hot. Any any ideas?


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## mum4boys (Aug 10, 2005)

HUGS,

I have a 4 month old high needs baby too, so I can tell relate. Just know this too shall pass and will be a distant memory. My oldest was very high needs also and he is now almost 17.

What has worked with us with Maggie is to find a carrier that worked. I literally bought or borrowed 10 or 11 carriers before I found the ERGO which she loves of course we cannot use it for hours and hours like some people maxium amount of time is maybe 30 minutes but that has helped tremendously. Second we do lots and lots of rotation. She spends maybe 10 minutes at the max doing different activities so she does not get mad when I do put her down. She loves her high chair now...so she spends 5-10 minute playing with a suction toy, she might spend 5-10 minutes laying on the floor, while i clean a bathroom, we then cuddle and play and move on to the bed while I fold laundry etc. The key is short little times doing things. Its amazing how much you can actually get done in 5-10 minutes and that I can still have a happy baby.


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

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I am currently having a heck of a time with my four month old too. What about wrapping your hair in a scarf of some sort so that he can't get to it? Hope it gets better soon mama!


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## Kindermama (Nov 29, 2004)

hey mama
I can sense your stress level in your post. I had a high needs baby too and it's so exhausting and as much as we want to be attached to our babies, it's so much harder with a high needs baby because you literally never get a break!

You can try some homeopathy to see if it helps. Pulsatilla helps for clingy, whiny babies who constantly want to be held. If you can afford it, a trip to a classical homeopath can help your ds and you too!


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## sweettalker (Jul 19, 2007)

I'm sorry you're so stressed out -- that has to be really rough.

The only thing I can think of doesn't address your question of what to do to engage him at all. He doesn't sound bored to me, to be honest. He sounds tired. I'm really wondering if he could just need some more sleep? With _both_ of my kids, there was a period right around 3-4 months when they behaved exactly like you describe. With my daughter (rip), someone suggested the old trick of putting her down for a nap 2 hours after she'd woken up. It sounded ridiculous to me (how could she be tired already?) but she went down like a lead balloon and in general, started sleeping better during the day after that. But the important thing for your purposes is that she had a personality change almost overnight. I'd just started wondering if I was going to survive her infancy, because her demands were so great, and suddenly, she was _so much easier_. The same thing happened with my son, though b/c of the experience with my daughter, I tried the trick earlier.

Anyway, I'm not sure this is at all useful, but I thought I'd put it out there just in case. Good luck!


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

My high needs babe is a year now. So much changed for her as soon as she got moble. Crawling made her so much happier. She's not a transformed baby or anything, but at least she's not miserable and irritated with me all day long. She's still draining, and now that she's cruising I've got a whole different set of problems, but she's much happier being able to move on her own.

One thing that has helped is to make sure we get out for a walk, playdate or something fun everyday. Standing in line at the post office does not count as a fun trip!

ETA: Oh, yes, the 2-3-4 rule works wonders for us. It hasn't improved her night sleep much, but she naps much better now. Not sure if it's the 2-3-4 rule or she just got a bit older. 2 hours after she's up for the morning, she goes back down for a nap. She now sleeps 1-1.5 hours instead of 20 or 45 minutes in the morning. 3 hours after she gets up from that nap, she goes down for her afternoon nap. 4 hours after she gets up from that nap, she goes down for the night. When we don't get her down for a nap around those times (and she must be parented to sleep, she's never fallen asleep in the swing/sling/bouncer/etc.), she doesn't sleep as well at night or take naps of that length. We didn't start this until she was older than your DC, but it does sound like your babe is tired.


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## TheDivineMissE (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sweettalker* 
I'm sorry you're so stressed out -- that has to be really rough.

The only thing I can think of doesn't address your question of what to do to engage him at all. He doesn't sound bored to me, to be honest. He sounds tired. I'm really wondering if he could just need some more sleep? With _both_ of my kids, there was a period right around 3-4 months when they behaved exactly like you describe. With my daughter (rip), someone suggested the old trick of putting her down for a nap 2 hours after she'd woken up. It sounded ridiculous to me (how could she be tired already?) but she went down like a lead balloon and in general, started sleeping better during the day after that. But the important thing for your purposes is that she had a personality change almost overnight. I'd just started wondering if I was going to survive her infancy, because her demands were so great, and suddenly, she was _so much easier_. The same thing happened with my son, though b/c of the experience with my daughter, I tried the trick earlier.

Anyway, I'm not sure this is at all useful, but I thought I'd put it out there just in case. Good luck!

I second this suggestion. My second daughter was a pincher, biter, screamer - an angry baby in general. Then some of my aunts informed me they didn't think she was angry, just tired. I tried giving her a nap 2 hours after she woke up, then another three hours after she woke up again. OMG!! A TOTALLY different kid almost overnight. What I thought was a high needs baby was just a tired one, who when she got enough sleep, was actually a very charming, pleasent baby who suddenly played and smiled! (It took me 8 months to figure this out though...lucky that you got the idea sooner!!







)


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## mother culture (Oct 19, 2004)

I would try soothing herbs if you are breast feeding like chamomile, valerian ( better in a tincture) Nettles, oat straw, rose, and kava if needed.
Also just remember outside babies and toddlers are happiest and mamas too. forget the house sing and dance and explore. In 6 months you can clean the house and your baby will be happy he is active and mobile. Hang in there and remember that your daughter can hear you so sing to her and make eye contact.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

Have you tried all the usual toys - saucers, jumparoos, play mats etc? I know a lot of people here dont like them but they are popular for a reason... I can sympathize...my oldest was like that... (((((hugs))))


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I gotta agree that more sleep may be the answer. My DS is extremely high-needs, and he just about wore me ragged until around 4 1/2 months when I read that awful Weissbluth sleep book. Anyway, don't read it; it recommends the "extinction" method of CIO which is the worst kind of cruelty imaginable. But I did get out of the book the clear idea that my DS would be an easier to live with child if he had more sleep, and it's true. On the days when I am really careful to protect his naptimes and get him to sleep on time, he is so much easier and more fun to be around. He's almost 7 months now and is dare I say almost as easy to care for as my "easy" girls now.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

ditto sleep--DD 4.5 mo naps short but frequent naps-- and outside she's almost always soooo happy! GL!


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## PiePie (Oct 2, 2006)

a soft toy with a rattle inside so that he can activate it himself.


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## photochef (Aug 14, 2005)

I agree with the sleep more suggestions. I work with my baby, and I have to interrupt her naptime everyday. I feel horrible about it, but I do have to keep my income right now, so we just have to suffer with it. The days she does not get a nap, or I have to interrupt it, she is 'off' the rest of the day. I have found that if I mess up the am nap, we are screwed for naps the rest of the day and she gets very wound up and irritable.

She too prefers to be outside, and is bored with toys and being carried/held/slung/playing on the floor/in the jumpy. We finally gave away her bouncer and the swing because she hated them so much. She will still play in the jumpy/standup toy for a while, but she gets so frustrated with her toys that she screams at them after about 5-10 minutes. She likes to try to eat paper, or chew on a washcloth. We have the same trouble in the car, when she gets mad at sitting in the baby cage (carseat).

I am glad to hear I am not the only one. I don't know if it's 'high needs', as opposed to needing a calm, predictable environment that I cannot provide most days. She is also a very light sleeper. I swear, a stray thought can wake her up. I have to have her nap in a quiet dim room without distractions. it's tough, i am right there with you.


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