# I don't believe in Spanking! What are your opinions?



## Childrenareawesome (Mar 30, 2017)

I hate child abuse of any kind. I adore kids and I could never even imagine hitting them. I wouldn't spank a child for anything. There are more peaceful ways to deal with kids that don't involve violence. How can we teach them not to hit if we hit them ourselves? The closest I have ever got to hitting a child is doing play sword fighting with them  you know? Light sabers or wooden sticks or pirate swords  but seriously I don't believe in any type of violence against children.

When I was 10 Years old I was in Walmart on holidays in Orlando Florida (visiting Disney World) and I saw a mother continue to smack her about 11 year old daughter on her head and bum non stop and the daughter was crying shouting "that hurts" and the mother didn't care at all. It breaks my heart.

I honestly didn't care then as I was only 10 years old but now I look back and think how cruel that was. I have read some children get spanked With belts, paddles, hair brushes, slippers, switches and canes until there bottom is bright red  I have read that some children get spanked with switches until there bottom is actually bleeding :C And it breaks my heart.

Can someone please explain to me how some parents can be so cruel? Why would any parent want there child's bum to bleed just because they was naughty? That's terrible  Horrible and most definitely child abuse.

Anti Spanking parents need to stand up for children and put a full stop to the cruelty that happens to kids in this world. If it's not okay to hit an adult then why a helpless child that cannot defend themselves. I HATE CHILD ABUSE :C and I know kids are naughty sometime I mean all kids behave bad sometimes but every child is special and deserves to be loved and treated with care. Discipline children gently and not with violence.

Do you think a little spank on the bum with your hand is okay though? I don't anymore but at least that is less cruel right?


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## Markons92 (Mar 23, 2017)

First of all, I think that hitting is not the same as spanking your child and I don't think spanking should be categorized as child abuse. I think a little spank on the bum is appropriate but of course, those who crosses the line and actually physically hurt their child they should suffer legal consequences.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Markons92 said:


> First of all, I think that hitting is not the same as spanking your child and I don't think spanking should be categorized as child abuse. I think a little spank on the bum is appropriate but of course, those who crosses the line and actually physically hurt their child they should suffer legal consequences.


Two things:
1) the mothering.com terms of use do not permit the advocating of physical punishment.

2) if you hit a child and it doesn't hurt then, then what is the point? The purpose of hitting them is for it to hurt so they don't want you to do it again.

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## Markons92 (Mar 23, 2017)

katelove said:


> Two things:
> 1) the mothering.com terms of use do not permit the advocating of physical punishment.
> 
> 2) if you hit a child and it doesn't hurt then, then what is the point? The purpose of hitting them is for it to hurt so they don't want you to do it again.
> ...


I'm sorry. I did not know that.
I think the purpose is to get their full attention and to scare them a bit. I don't think any child cries because it hurts (I'm talking about spanking) but because he or she is scared. And I would rather spank my child and have him scared a bit than to risk him putting his fingers into a wall plug again.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Markons92 said:


> I'm sorry. I did not know that.
> 
> I think the purpose is to get their full attention and to scare them a bit. I don't think any child cries because it hurts (I'm talking about spanking) but because he or she is scared. And I would rather spank my child and have him scared a bit than to risk him putting his fingers into a wall plug again.


I think there are two things with that approach.

1) there is ample evidence that physical punishment causes more problems than it solves.

and
2) in the example you gave, it isn't actually going to work. You won't be able to smack your child once and then leave them alone with the forks and power points from that time onward.

So, we now have something which doesn't work *and* has the potential to cause harm. In that case, it's probably better to seek an alternative 

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## SherryGonzales (May 25, 2017)

Hi, I can't imagine hitting my child. There are for sure methods to tackle a child without hitting them.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Markons92 wrote:
"I would rather spank my child and have him scared a bit than to risk him putting his fingers into a wall plug again."

You will still have the risk because the lesson you will have taught is, "If Daddy sees me touch the plug, he will hurt me." Your child will have learned that YOU are a source of danger and learned nothing about the plug. If he's really interested in it, he will look for an opportunity to investigate it when you're not watching.

So, what do you do instead? Grab the kid, pull him away, and say firmly, "Dangerous!" If the kid is old enough to understand, explain WHY the plug is dangerous and how to use it safely. If you are not ready for the idea that your kid might be taught to use the plug safely, take his interest in it as a sign that you need to install a safety cover on that plug.

At the end of this article, I explain why I didn't spank my son for walking into traffic, and what I did instead:
https://articles.earthlingshandbook.org/2008/08/28/show-no-fear/


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

I realized that the link in my article to the explanation of 4 styles of parenting was broken. Here is another article about the difference between authorit*ative* and authorit*arian* parenting:
https://my.vanderbilt.edu/developme...f-parenting-styles-and-how-to-identify-yours/


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## ModernTomSawyersMom (Jun 29, 2017)

It's not fair to chastise Markons92 for answering the question asked with his opinion. He hardly intended to "promote" anything. He was simply answering the OPs question. Furthermore, this thread is now useless since no one can give any opinion other than "Spanking is bad."

What's the point of a forum if we can't have real conversations?


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

This is a gentle discipline forum. The purpose is to discuss gentle discipline and how to address issues or situations using gentle methods. Posts advocating (I didn't say promote) hitting are against the user agreement and the philosophy of mothering.com. 

There are lots of forums on the internet where you will find support and encouragement for hitting as a method of discipline. This forum is a safe space for people who choose not to use those methods. 

I did not chastise Markons92, I drew their attention to the user agreement. 


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## ModernTomSawyersMom (Jun 29, 2017)

If you're going to be this strict with this forum, then this thread would need to be moved elsewhere. Especially since she specifically asked, "Do you think a little spank on the bum with your hand is okay though?" Apparently this type of question isn't ok here. 

When you take meaningful conversation out of these forums, you ruin them. As far as I know, you're not a moderator, so I think responses that end conversations and cite forum rules should be left to mods. I'm willing to bet that when the user agreement that bans "advocating" spanking was put there, it didn't have his type of response in mind. I bet it was there to keep people from coming into the gentle discipline forum and saying we're all stupid and wrong and should be whipping our kids. It's not there to prevent someone from offering their opinion that "I think a little spank on the bum is appropriate but of course, those who crosses the line and actually physically hurt their child they should suffer legal consequences" when specifically asked.

OK, I'm done with my soap box.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

ModernTomSawyersMom said:


> If you're going to be this strict with this forum, then this thread would need to be moved elsewhere. Especially since she specifically asked, "Do you think a little spank on the bum with your hand is okay though?" Apparently this type of question isn't ok .


No, that question is absolutely fine. Answering "yes" would be against the user agreement because that would be advocating hitting. Answering "no", explaining why and offering an alternative would be great. And there is no reason why it should shut down the conversation.

Moving this thread to another forum would make no difference because this is a gentle parenting site 

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## ModernTomSawyersMom (Jun 29, 2017)

Do you realize how crazy it is to say we are only allowed to answer one way???? Has it occurred to you that your definition of gentle parenting differs from that of Markons92? And likely, neither of you are incorrect. You're just different. And this is why polite conversation from both sides of the issue is beneficial, interesting, and fun.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

No doubt it is but hitting does not fit any definition of gentle parenting. However, that is irrelevant because mothering.com has provided very clear guidelines. You can read them here http://www.mothering.com/articles/gentle-discipline-forum-guidelines/

I certainly did not say that the question could only be answered one way. There are usually many possible alternatives to a discipline issue. Have a read through this forum and you'll see 

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## bluefish_00 (Aug 16, 2017)

To me it depends of the behavior of the child. But you only doing a minor spanking just to discipline the child.


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## Childrenareawesome (Mar 30, 2017)

katelove said:


> This is a gentle discipline forum. The purpose is to discuss gentle discipline and how to address issues or situations using gentle methods. Posts advocating (I didn't say promote) hitting are against the user agreement and the philosophy of mothering.com.
> 
> There are lots of forums on the internet where you will find support and encouragement for hitting as a method of discipline. This forum is a safe space for people who choose not to use those methods.
> 
> ...


I don't believe in spanking at all. But one question? Is this seriously the ONLY parenting forum website that is against spanking?  because I don't believe in spanking/hitting at all so I don't want 2 read anything like that  and I have a HUGE soft spot for kids and I'm autistic and I adore kids and I think spanking is wrong. And I wouldn't mind if a spanking was just 1 little smack but usually on other sites parents write the most disgusting stuff like using belts or other weapons and that 2 me is sick and evil  For 2 years I couldn't find a parenting website without some kind of spank talk  BUT THIS SITE IS AWESOME 

I don't want kids because I want 2 live a very childlike life watching cartoons BUT I do want 2 be someone children in my family will look up 2  I BELIEVE EVERY SINGLE CHILD IS SPECIAL 

Also reading somethings on other parenting websites made me secretly depressed and heartbroken for about a year.  But I'm over that now thanks 2 Mothering.com (This website)  YAY


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## armyzabra (Nov 15, 2017)

spanking a child may seem helpful in the short term, but is ineffective and probably harmful in the long term. The child who is often spanked learns that physical force is an acceptable method of problem solving.


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## [email protected] (Dec 19, 2017)

We don't believe spanking at all. In fact, I never spank my kids at all. Instead, we focus on improving the ways to communicate and how to make them listen. 

Taking them to a quiet room(mom's bedroom) one by one to talk is what we do and work well. Talk with one then another, and talk to both of them at last. This is the one way that works best so far.


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## theoppositeview (Dec 19, 2017)

2 of my kids are so hardheaded that they do need to get popped to get their attention and understand no, tho what i do would be considered spanking, its extremely non violent! 
There is no pain involved and i actually smack their butts far harder playfully with them giggling, it's 100% about context more than it is force. A tap will do it for those that need it.

I remember my childhood was full of getting my butt popped for this or that by my black momma, or before adoption at 10 my real mom's timeout or the corner.... i'll give you one guess which ones I remember and pop up before i do something stupid to this day. I would also get my butt popped for hitting and do not use physical force for anything unless necessary. However my brother the timeout child that was not put up for adoption is physically violent and is a meth-head. Obviously he needed a different form of correction as a child, but spankings didn't play a role in that path at all, so I personally do not understand the connection.

Also, I agree that citing that it is ok to only side one way to be within tos is a grotesque way to undermine the conversation and force opinions if it truely is that way then it should be fair and delimit all forms of correction. The tos stating advocation of physical punishment, means all forms of correction minus talking. Standing in the corner hurts the legs, doing dishes is physical labor used as a punishment, going to your room, even, is a physical punishment because of the physical action of making them walk. Grounding is a physical imprisonment.
These may be absurd to think about but they are all labeled as "physical punishment" and a pop on the butt? Nowhere near as bad as standing in the corner, my oldest says she would rather a butt pop to the corner any day. 
Maybe better to have said would but still constraining to a fixed view "no conversation over physical punishment is allowed"

Spanking is still allowed in public schools here! We get the right to come in, or let the principal do it. I can instantly tell what parents don't correct their children properly. Its a kid per kid thing, but you have to use ALL available tools for correction and find what works best with your child. its part of your job as a parent to teach right from wrong! 

I have 5 children, and they all get corrected differently to best effect.

1st needs an actual pop that can be felt. but instantly understands and can say why it happened.
2nd needs to have her name called and be looked at sternly. (i have to try not to laugh when correcting her because its absurd)
3rd needs a pop that is all sound and action, no contact following with verbal(drops like she was hit by a piano still :/ )
4th needs to sit with hands between knees or not able to use hands (usually keep hands on shopping cart or some object)
5th we are still searching for what is effective (100% oblivious to any form!)
all get asked why after.


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## theoppositeview (Dec 19, 2017)

katelove said:


> Answering "yes" would be against the user agreement because that would be advocating hitting. Answering "no", explaining why and offering an alternative would be great.





katelove said:


> I certainly did not say that the question could only be answered one way.


I'm sorry but I can not leave misappropriated information of one's own statement go unseen.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

theoppositeview said:


> I'm sorry but I can not leave misappropriated information of one's own statement go unseen.


What do you mean?

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## theoppositeview (Dec 19, 2017)

katelove said:


> What do you mean?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That does state (however not word for word) the statement that was not supposedly said, the context is the same. I know I'm nitpicking, but it's my flaw that I have to point things out like that in the same way an obsessive compulsive person has to touch a door three times before opening it.

I guess it's true that you certainly did not say that exact phrase, but the meaning as read, is the same.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Are you suggesting that I contradicted myself? If so, I suggest you go back and reread my posts. 


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## TacoWoman (Jan 9, 2018)

When I grew up I got spanked. At a certain age it didn't phase me and stopped being an effective form of punishment. I am in no way saying that spanking is the way but I do remember laughing at my parent when I was only about 5. I know that there have been studies to say that spanking does nothing. Do you think a time out or taking away privileges would be a better more effect form of punishment?


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## Drewpeyton (Feb 14, 2018)

When I grew up i was spanked and I plan on spanking my children out of love. Although, I advocate spanking there is a difference between spanking and child abuse.


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## lauren (Nov 20, 2001)

Old thread; Gentle discipline forum. Closing


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