# Should I wait to miscarry naturally?



## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I just got home from the midwife's where I found that my baby now has no heartbeat. I'd had light bleeding since yesterday. I go back tomorrow to see the ob to discuss what to do.

I knew deep down that something was wrong. The technician told me the baby was only size of 6 weeks, but I know the absolute minimum was 8 and much more likely 10.

On the one hand, I completely trust my body to know what to do and to miscarry this baby naturally. However, I have a 3yo and 1yo, no family nearby and no help. I feel that life needs to go on for the girls as normal, or they'll climb the walls. They are starting to already from one weekend in the house.

From women who've been in this situation, what would you advise? How do you cope with miscarrying while dealing with a one year old whose favourite occupations are A emptying the diaper pail on the floor and B throwing every toy she can find in the toilet?

I guess I'm a really practical person. The reality hasn't hit me, but I need to be prepared for my appt tomorrow. I love my midwife, but the OB can be somewhat direct and stringent. I need to have clarity to deal with her.

Oddly, since I found out I've been pregnant I've been visiting this forum. Somehow I knew that this baby was struggling. Poor little guy. And I knew it was a boy. Weird.


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## Gemini (Apr 9, 2003)

I had a D & C, but that was in my younger days when I didn't know any better to let my body do it.

I'm sorry for you.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

I tried to wait w/mine several years ago. I found out at 12 weeks that he had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I waited over a month until my dr. was worried about infection. I had a D/C. Perhaps I could have waited longer, but it seemed that in my instance, it simply wasn't happening on its own.
I'm glad I tried to wait to let it happen naturally. In retrospect, it prolonged the misery.

Horrible decision to have to make-I'm so sorry.


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## Elphaba (Nov 19, 2001)

I am so sorry Britishmum.

I miscarried naturally 6.5 weeks ago. I wanted nothing to do with doctors or a D&C or any of that, but I understand how other women just want it to be over and opt for the D&C.

I bled for 4 days and that was all. I had a pretty easy time of it, compared to a lot of the women here. I hope your body handles the loss as easily as mine did.

I don't have any advice one way or the other. I don't know what the recovery time is for a D&C and how that would affect your ability to parent, or if your dh can get time off now.

Be gentle with yourself, try to eat well, and know we are thinking of you.


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

{{{{ Britishmum }}}}

I am so sorry for your loss. When something similar happened to me, I opted to wait for a natural miscarriage. It took a long time, but I am still happy that I did it that way. The idea of a D&C was very scary to me, I much preferred the natural miscarriage. And although the 3 weeks wait was long, it also helped me to prepare emotionally for what was going to happen, and it gave me some more time together with my precious baby.

The miscarriage was mostly like a heavy period, with occasional worse bleeding where I was passing clots and had to run to the bathroom more often. I had six kids to care for and that was no problem at any time. It did go on longer than a period, but it wasn't like it was heavy bleeding all the time. Actually for me it almost stopped during the day, and then picked up at night again.

The decision between a natural miscarriage and a D&C is a very personal one. I would read experiences with both and then make your decision. Only you know what's the best decision for you.

{{{ HUGS }}} again!

Karen


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## LiamnEmma (Nov 20, 2001)

I've had two miscarriages, and I tried to do both naturally. I'm a proponent of natural miscarriage, only for so long as a person feels comfortable with it. So, for me, when I had confirmation that my first baby had died (I "knew" for a few weeks, but the bleeding waited), I was in the midst of bleeding, so we all thought I miscarried naturally.

Wrong.

A month later I had bizarre intermittent bleeding. Turned out the baby was still in there. At that point, all I wanted was to have it out of me. It had been dead for two months at that point and I wanted it out! It came out the next day with a d&c.

The next baby died at 6 weeks, and at my 9 week checkup I convinced my ob to draw some HCG levels. Sure enough, I was right about the time frame (again, I knew when it had died), and again, I wanted to miscarry naturally. We gave it a couple of weeks, and I finally began to lose it about 6 weeks after its death. I ended up hemorraghing badly and needed a d&c to get a stubborn piece of placenta out of me.

I still agree with natural miscarriage if that's what a person wants, and I would still start there. But that's me. If you are uncomfortable with the thought of being caught at home in the midst of a miscarriage with a young toddler/child, and you think you and your family are better off with the d&c, then I think that's what you should do. It's an unpalatable situation at best. Do what you need to do to give yourself a tiny bit of piece of mind.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Leah


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Hi there, sorry to hear of your loss. I miscarried on Oct 10, they believe the baby had died around Oct 2nd. I did do it naturally but it was tough and I don't know that I could have done it alone or caring for young ones. I had the family here for thanksgiving dinner and don't remember anything beyond sitting down at the table. When my dh took me to emerg around 1 in the morning (we found out a m/c was inevitable the day before) I was in horrible pain and my blood pressure had dropped dangerously low. I never had the d & c because they thought everything was coming out on it's own. The only thing I would suggest is that if you go naturally, have your doctor repeat your hcg levels until they drop to zero, that way you avoid the chance of what someone else posted, where there was bleeding but the baby was still in the uterus. Mine was a first pregnancy so I don't have any personal insight into other ways this can go. All I know is this has been the roughest month of our lives. Just a week after the miscarriage one of our dogs was hit and killed on the road, my only comfort was in thinking she had to go so the baby wouldn't be alone. I suppose we tell ourselves things to ease the pain. I will tell you this board has been a tremendous support through this terrible time as we really hadnt' told many people we were pregnant.
Take care, from what I hear a d&c isn't that bad and I guess it leaves you with more control. Let us know what you decide.
Shannon


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

I am so sorry BritishMum







I was lucky ( if you can call it that ) when I had my two losses as my older dd was already a teenager, but I did have to keep going to work. I did end up having a D&C with the second loss, altho' in hindsight, I could most likely have waited it out. My best advice to you if you do want to miscarry naturally & continue as best as poss with your daily life is to make sure you take a decent iron supplement to help with the blood loss. My doc reckoned the more you bled the more anaemic you got, the more anaemic you got the more you bled. The other thing is to look out for any signs of infection eg fever, flu like symptoms. Take care of yourself. OM


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Thank you.

We saw the ob yesterday and decided to wait it out. She thinks it might not take too long. I'm feeling hopeful that it will work out OK, especially as with dd#2 I got to 9cm dilated and walked around for a week or so without even knowing it. Let's hope that was a good sign.

My main hassle right now is trying to pump enough supply for dd in case I do have to go in for a d&c. I stupidly have no pumped milk stored. (I detest pumping).

Anyone know what happens to milk production during a miscarriage? She seems satisfied, but I"m getting almost nothing from pumping. I guess it could be anxiety though plus I hate pumping.

Also, the ob said I'd have to pump and dump for at least 24hrs if I had a d&c. Is that correct? The way my pumping is going, it will take me three years to collect enough for 24hrs.







:


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## adventuregirl (Nov 22, 2002)

I miscarried naturally last month. I had brown spotting for 2 weeks, then red spotting for almost a week, red flow for a day and then the m/c happened. I bled for about a week afterwards.

My m/c was very labor-like (or, what I imagine to be labor as I have never given birth), I was in intense pain for about an hour, with contractions I had to breathe through. At the reccomendation of my midwife, I caught the blood/clots as it came out (in a plastic bag under the toilet seat) to inspect that it was complete afterwards. At one point, something came out and I said "wow, that was big" and I took a look at it, there was no question it was the sac. With that, the painful contractions subsided and I was able to go to bed.

I definitely needed my dh to be there, I can't imagine having children to look after while that was happening. I could not go to work the next day, it was just too much emotionally.

You don't know precisely when or how it will happen for you, which is the hardest part. I really did not want a d&c and am very happy things went the way they did.

Its hard to make suggestions beacuse as you've seen everyone's situation is different. But I would say hang in there and try to go natural if that is what you want. Try to have someone to call to take care of the kids if you find that it is too intense to be there for them. Since you know your pregnancy is not viable, you can take pain meds or herbs that you couldn't in pregnancy, that is a help too. Best of luck to you, I know its really hard, but you will get through it soon enough.


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)




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## lac (Nov 22, 2002)

Once again, I am so glad I found your question, as I am going through exactly the same thing. I also was concerned about the pregnancy, as I was not as sick nor was I gaining any weight, as was with my other 2 pregnancies. At 11 weeks, I had one "gush" while peeing after I had gone running. An u/s determined my uterus was only 7-8 wks and there was nothing in the sac. I was offered a d&c (it was gently pushed as being much better in terms of comfort because it would be over with quickly) as "nature is not always so kind, it could take weeks with lots of cramps, etc."

So far I have opted to go naturally and have been questioning my decision as well, so it has helped to read so many different responses. I have not had a speck of blood since that one gush last Wed. and just started having some cramps today which are continuing tonight - I'm hoping it's starting.

Thanks to everyone. This forum is such a support.

Laura


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## pamelamama (Dec 12, 2002)

I had two early miscarriages, one before Sam and one before Eli. I also had a vanishing twin early on in my pregnancy with Eli.

With my first Miscarriage, I had a D & C. We knew the baby was small at a six week appointment. A follow up at eight weeks showed no growth. I had a pretty aggressive doctor at the time and she had a fertility clinic in Manhattan -- she did the procedure in her office very quickly. I felt she was very competent and the procedure was not traumatic for me.

After Sam, I experienced another early pregnancy loss. It was maybe eight weeks? I had a different Dr. at that time. An early ultrasound had revealed the baby was small and we were doubtful that the pregnancy was viable, although we didn't know for sure. I was planning to come back in two weeks for an updated ultrasound. The day before my appointment, I started to miscarry. My Dr. suggested I wait and see if my body would take care of things. My body did, and I miscarried naturally. He recommended some Shephard's purse tea to help the bleeding stop.

I think it would be good to wait and see if your body miscarries without intervention within a reasonable amount of time. If not, I can imagine going for the D and C to bring closure. I dont think one experience was physically worse than the other for me. I miscarried while taking care of my toddler, and it didn't incapacitate me.

One caveat: pay close attention to your bleeding. A very close girlfriend of mine miscarried naturally and later began to hemmorage because the fetus had not passed completely. She didnt' want to bother her doctor in the middle of the night, but thankfully her husband took her to the ER because she had a serious loss of blood. Of course, this is not common, but you should be alert and cautious.

Good luck to you and sorry for your loss.


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## lac (Nov 22, 2002)

THanks so much for your input.

THe problem is I have had no bleeding whatsoever (not a drop) since the one gush I had after running one week ago today. At that time, they did a vaginal u/s (at my request) and said there was nothing in there and that my uterus was 7-8 wks, not 11. And mind you, this tech just bluntly told me, without any preface of "I'm sorry to tell you this . . ., "etc. I guess in her mind, it wasn't a "real" pregnancy and therefore I wouldn't be upset. In any case, I feel the whole thing is surreal, since I've had nothing happening and I was told this could take weeks, but I would think I'd have some cramps, spotting, SOMETHING. I'm sure I was probably hoping deep down after reading about these "missed" sacs that somehow they could be wrong. Unlikely - this is one of the best u/s places probably in the US (here in Chicago) and the tech was also one of their best, most senior people. (Although obviously not well trained in bedside manner). I did call to let them know of my experience, not to complain or take it out on her, but so that she would understand how I felt (stunned) and that this was a real pregnancy to me. And mostly so that she wouldn't make that mistake with someone else. (I am a nurse, and believe me, I never would speak to my pts that way).

Thanks again for your support. I will definitely keep your advice in mind. My husband is already concerned and is pushing the d&c. I think I'll wait a little longer.


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## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

I'm sorry to hear that Lac, but one question, have you had your Beta levels repeated?? When I was miscarrying, that was apparently the definitive (I also had a missed misscarriage) It was only after 3 consecutive dropping beta levels that everyone decided it was a "sure thing" ykwim? Course the roller coaster of wondering was brutal, but if you're wondering anyway--at least get everything you can to convince you of it.
Shannon


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## lac (Nov 22, 2002)

Well, I think things may be starting. I had some brown spotting today which has turned to red. It is still very light, I'm sure it will pick up. My nurse practitioner did tell me that once the bleeding subsided, they would check the hcg levels to make sure it was completed.

Thanks for your advice.


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## WarriorqueenBea (Oct 7, 2003)

I have had 1 natural misscarrege, and a D & C as well. I opted for the D&C because the baby (Junior) had passed away at about 7 weeks (I was first told 7, later in the final report, I think it said 8), but I had carried to 14 weeks, and was so ill that I could not hold my own toothbrush to brush my teeth. The D&C was painless and hardly botherd me at all. About twp or three days of bleeding which was very light followed, then there was no bleeding for several days. I awoke about two days later in a puddle of bright, bright red blood and quickly ran to the toilet where I passed a fist sized clot. There was no more bleeding after this. Aparently this was all considerd 'normal', yet I wasn't told about it at the hospital.
The natural misscarrege was very painfull, as I did not understand what was happening and I was at work. I would say if you could, be at home where you can take care of yourself. I realy wish that you had someone that could be there for you and watch your babes.
I hope this happens as easily as such a heartwrenching thing can. My heart goes out to you.
Bea


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