# is it wrong to use a stern voice??



## sweetpea333 (Jul 2, 2005)

I usually try and keep an upbeat happy tone when telling my children not to do something and when explaining my reason. But when they don't listen and keep it up, that nice voice stops and a stern voice steps in, and then I feel really guilty afterward







I just hate repeating myself, I feel like I'm nagging


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## greeny (Apr 27, 2007)

No.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Depends. I wouldn't be "talking sternly" to them every time I asked something of them. Like you, I prefer to keep it upbeat. But, if something is serious & deserving of immediate complience I have no problem using a stern voice.


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## FutureMomma (Feb 20, 2007)

^ I agree. If you have asked them repeatedly to stop and they don't listen, then I think it is ok to turn on the stern voice.


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## birdie22 (Apr 1, 2005)

Not wrong. It really depends.

When I'm asking for something like "please put your empty cup on the kitchen table," it's never going to get to the stern voice level, because it's just not that important to me. (Unless of course there's a whole story involving the cup and the cat and spilled milk... KWIM?)

If I'm asking him for something I need him to do, maybe because of correcting a negative behavior, (i.e. "Please put Daddy's [expensive] camera down.") I usually start cheerfully, then more matter-of-fact, perhaps omitting the "please," then it gets truly stern. Just so he knows that it is a big deal.

ETA- I know the camera should be out of reach in the first place. I just had trouble finding a perfect example.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

No. I am honest about my emotions, within reason. I think it is passive aggressive to use a fake happy tone when you are pissed. And I think it freaks them out.


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## mavery (Jun 3, 2005)

I think a stern voice is fine, especially if it is reserved for important issues, like hitting. That's a serious matter and deserves a serious response. One thing I try to do if I keep repeating myself, though I often forget, is to stop talking and act. (Remove child from situation or problem object from child or get up and start a new activity or leave the room....) The times I really sound like I'm nagging are the times I keep talking and not getting involved.


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## Hazelnut (Sep 14, 2005)

No. It is necessary sometimes.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I don't think there is anything wrong when using a stern voice for important things.


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## frenchie (Mar 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thismama* 
No. I am honest about my emotions, within reason. I think it is passive aggressive to use a fake happy tone when you are pissed. And I think it freaks them out.

Agreed


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## graye_pearl (Oct 14, 2006)

While I think it may be necessary at times, I try not to overuse the "stern voice." 3.5 year old ds is very aware of when dh and I use it, and he's verbalized to us that he doesn't like it when we use a "strong voice." This gives us extra opportunities to disciple him when we use it, because we are able to explian the "why" (ex. danger, frustration, etc).


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I don't like to use the "stern voice." All it seems to do is teach DD that she can ignore what I am saying until my voice reaches a certain tone.

If she doesn't respond to a request given in a normal tone, I go over to her and show her, or help her, with what needs to happen.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

For safety issues and personal boundary issues I always used a serious voice if the first explanation was ignored.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I don't think I've ever made any effort to try to talk in an upbeat voice. I try to honestly express how I'm feeling. I do use a stern voice when it comes naturally. I don't even try to be upbeat about stuff like telling ds to come get his shoes on. I just say it in a normal voice, or bored, or even a bit frustrated with waiting. I dunno...it's never seemed to affect ds negatively, and it's not like he hears a stern voice and immediately jumps.
When he was younger, I'm sure it sounded like I was commanding him to do simple things. But I wasn't, and he didn't take it that way.

But I don't often progress from upbeat to stern, trying to get ds to listen. Sometimes I do, but that would be out of frustration that ds isn't listening, and that doesn't feel good to me. I definitely prefer to totally change tactics after asking a couple times.


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