# Do you practice all aspects of MDC?



## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Of Natural family parenting & the "mothering" lifestyle?? Hope that made sense.







I'm just curious, I just came across this board a while back and have to admit that while I come here I'm not sure I could consider myself the same as the rest of you. I see the benefits of the lifestyle/choices the women here make but just came to these realizations a bit late(think circ & vacs). I'd like to start implementing more of these practices but feel a bit out of the loop. I have three children & with my baby(3 months) I've been doing things much differently.

So, I guess my questions are... do you believe in/practice everything... no circ, no vaxs, co-sleeping, EBF'ing, etc, etc... or do you pick and choose what is right for you??

I guess a good example is that I feel breastfeeding is right for me but not necessarily eating organic foods. As of right now it's very hard to find and I feel it's too expensive.

I hope this makes sense.







I'd love to start implementing more of the natural family lifestyle but find it hard because we are all so set in our ways. Mostly dh.


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## OnTheFence (Feb 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *my3peanuts* 
Of Natural family parenting & the "mothering" lifestyle?? Hope that made sense.







I'm just curious, I just came across this board a while back and have to admit that while I come here I'm not sure I could consider myself the same as the rest of you. I see the benefits of the lifestyle/choices the women here make but just came to these realizations a bit late(think circ & vacs). I'd like to start implementing more of these practices but feel a bit out of the loop. I have three children & with my baby(3 months) I've been doing things much differently.

So, I guess my questions are... do you believe in/practice everything... no circ, no vaxs, co-sleeping, EBF'ing, etc, etc... or do you pick and choose what is right for you??

I guess a good example is that I feel breastfeeding is right for me but not necessarily eating organic foods. As of right now it's very hard to find and I feel it's too expensive.

I hope this makes sense.







I'd love to start implementing more of the natural family lifestyle but find it hard because we are all so set in our ways. Mostly dh.









We pick and choose what is right for us.


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## KimProbable (Jun 22, 2005)

Heck no!









While there are some things that I've done since before I ever knew MDC existed, there are others which I still choose not to include in my life. I'm "crunchy" enough for my tastes and happy with the choices I've made.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

We pick and choose what is right for our family. And some things we are just plain lazy about.

I am actually here more for the parenting aspects of MDC than the natural family living aspects...


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## psyche (Apr 6, 2005)

We pick and choose.

However, I also use it as a learning tool so that we evolve over time. (For example, we use cloth diapers for the baby but did not for our firstborn.)


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Ok.







I didn't figure everyone made ALL the same choices here but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who didn't follow everything.









Forgive me if this is a stupid question, I'm new, I'll learn the MDC ways soon enough I suppose!


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

We do all attachment parenting, but we are natural family living "wannabees."

Regarding attachment parenting, I think there are some things we can "pick and choose" but there are some absolutes. If someone carries their babies all day, I don't care if they are using a sling or a snugli or their arms.

A family who slips a couple of times and spanks and searches their own hearts for how to keep that from ever happening in the future may be AP with an AP lapse. Like a vegetarian who accidentally eats some chicken in a taco and doesn't find out about it, but goes ahead and swallows it before sending it back.

However, a familiy who spanks on a regular basis and considers it to be an acceptable form is discipline is never AP, even though they may like calling themselves AP and may have all sorts of justifications and excuses they offer for spanking. Sort of like folks who actually order meat when they go out and still call themselves vegetarians.

To me, it would be like claiming to be vegetarian and saying but we pick and choose which vegetarian things work for us, and we pick and choose to eat meat.







:

We are striving towards NFL every day, but I cannot claim to be NFL. We are wannabees. We have some failings nutritionwise (we eat mostly organic whole foods, BUT one of our daughters has food aversions and we will let her eat whatever she can keep down, and my dh and I use mainstream health and beauty products for ourselves). We also have some failings TV-wise. And I have totally given up on keeping out characters and mainstream toys. I used cloth diapers for six months for each daughter and then gave up (but that's how I found MDC!) I am comfortable giving pain relievers. Things like that -- we are not as crunchy as many of the domestic goddesses on MDC, though I admire and revere those domestic goddesses.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I think most people here are very NFL/AP in some ways, and not as much in other ways.

I'm sure there are lots of just all-around crunchy people, but I think most everyone has an area or two that they're really into or passionate about, and other areas where they don't fit the "formula" as closely.

I definitely fall into that category. I'm very much an AP and Gentle Discipline parent (don't punish, TRY not to yell, try to treat my child respectfully and listen to his needs, etc.).

However, in some other ways I am not NFL at all. I work full-time (going through a divorce), we do eat some organic foods but not all (good criminy it's too expensive), I mostly vaccinated my DS, etc.

I do think you have to be careful on this board as much as any other on the info that you see. There are tons of VERY well-informed and well educated moms on this board, more so than more mainstream ones... but there are also rumors, incorrect info, and bad science sometimes too. I think this board is a wonderful source of information though as most moms are a bit more thoughtful than the norm.

It sounds like you may be wondering if this board is right for you. I wonder that myself almost every week since there's a lot on here I don't agree with. But I keep coming back and coming back and coming back, so there must be a place for me here!







So if you like it here and find some forums that help you, I hope you stay!


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

No. We pick and choose what's right for us.


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## sarahmae1 (Nov 11, 2002)

We've always been pretty AP, but not so much NFL. We try to do what works best for our family at the time.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I've often wondered the same thing. I get closer to the MDC ideal as time goes by. I don't vax my baby, but my first son was fully vaxed and my daughter selectively. I breastfeed,co-sleep and AP, but I did that way before I found MDC. Reading MDC was what encouraged me to give birth on my terms, so I did a wonderful med-free waterbirth last time and loved it.

So
Vax: not anymore
Circ: no
Breastfeed and extended bf: yes
Cosleep: yes
Cloth diapers: mostly
AP:yes
Gentle Discipline: mostly, but could do better
Organic foods: mostly
Homeschool: working on it.
Commercialization: Try to avoid it but I'm not that strict

That's my crunchiness level right there








Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)
Lisa


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## Imogen (Jul 25, 2006)

I try to practice GD and consensual living (it's hard, but I do try)

Organic food

Natural cleaning products

Co-Sleep


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## Village Mama (Jul 22, 2004)

We pick and choose as well... but there are only a couple of things that we didn't do, like EC, UC, and living off of the grid(which would be ideal!) Otherwise, by nature, we are pretty darn crunchy!


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I came to MDC because I wanted a place to discuss AP and be around other AP parents. I'm open to NFL but it's not something we do really.

On other lists I meet people who are fairly crunchy(ish) but are quite against ap. To me AP is the most important thing.


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## dentmom3 (Aug 10, 2006)

If there were a ruler I guess I would fall pretty short, but I think what is important is that I am learning! We don't CD, but we do BF and co-sleep. I had a swing and exersaucer for the first two kids and while I don't wear DS all the time, I do much, much more than I did with his siblings!! I am also starting to buy organic, cook more whole foods and now starting with natural cleaning products. Our parenting has never included corporal punishment and we are now getting more and more GD.

So for me, I am just here trying to learn and I think I have made some really positive changes! There are things we do that still don't 'measure up' but I think I am growing up along with my children.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

We are GD, but otherwise really not at all NFL. I come here to learn so that when I am with my more NFL family members I know where they are coming from. ( I was for instance the only mainstream member of my family who understood the concept of "unschooling" when my SIL brougth it up).


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## J-Max (Sep 25, 2003)

We choose what s right for our family, but the longer I am here, the more NFL philosophies I tend to follow







. I first came here over 3 years ago for the cloth diapering board. I remember reading about cloth momma pads and being grossed out - now I have not used anything else since dd#3 was born.

so, to steal lisa's list

Vax: delayed/selective
Circ: no
Breastfeed and extended bf: yes
Cosleep: yes
Cloth diapers: yes
AP:yes
Gentle Discipline: try my best, not always easy
Organic foods:sometimes
Homeschool: not on your life








Commercialization: Try to avoid it but I'm not that strict


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## jazzharmony (Nov 10, 2006)

We are definitely attachment parenting folks and have been for 5.75yrs. We have moved toward more and more NFL practices as we go along. We fall short on the NFL thing (for now) but I try to remember how NFL we are, compared to most people living in America. This way I feel less guilty







We still have things to strive for.
The two things that I truly have trouble accepting here on MDC are posts advocating spanking and sleep training (particularly sleep training for babies)
I have seen more than a few


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

This thread has been closed pending review.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

OK, mamas, I'm opening this back up. Please remember that certain practices--CIO, RIC, FF by choice, and spanking, to name a few--are never OK to advocate on MDC. If you see posts that advocate these, please let a mod or admin know and we'll get to it as soon as we possibly can.

Peace!


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## RedWine (Sep 26, 2003)

Also stealing Lisa's list...

Vax: not anymore
Circ: no
Breastfeed and extended bf: yes
Cosleep: yes
Cloth diapers: no
AP:yes
Gentle Discipline: mostly, but could do better
Organic foods: mostly
Homeschool: yes
Commercialization: we avoid it


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## bethy (Nov 10, 2005)

We pick and choose. I am far more AP than I am NFL. The main AP thing I don't do is CD or EC - which crosses over to NFL in a way. I am very open to NFL, though and look forward to having some of my ways influenced as I learn more here at MDC and get inspired. I am also getting into Voluntary Simplicity type thinking.

Compared to most people I know IRL though I am a total hippie! I use this term very fondly!


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## J-Max (Sep 25, 2003)

Just in case my post about trying to GD was what prompted this. I truly think (at least in my case) not GDing 100%, does NOT mean spanking. (I have spanked my oldest a few times and deeply regret it). I struggle with yelling at my girls, I am getting much better - but hitting IS NOT ALLOWED in our house, by anyone.

Sorry to take this OT< but I really thought this needed to be pointed out.


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## grypx831 (May 22, 2005)

I'll steal the list too:

Vax: no
Circ: no (but I have girls so it didn't end up applying)
Breastfeed and extended bf: yes, and planning to. I didn't manage to the first time due to pregnancy
Cosleep: no, now yes. Attempted with my oldest but she was happier sleeping on her own
Cloth diapers: yes
AP:more or less/to teh best of my ability
Gentle Discipline: try my best, not always easy - no spanking but I've yelled and overused NO
Organic foods:sometimes
Homeschool: still kicking the idea around
Commercialization: Try to avoid it but I'm not that strict

I've also done babywearing with both girls, but I also use a stroller depending on teh situation.


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

No. We pick and choose as well!


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## candipooh (Jun 22, 2004)

No and no one, I mean *NO ONE* does. Why? Because 'all aspects of MDC' will be different depending on who you ask.

Some that have been mentioned in the last few years that I don't practice or do parctice that mke me un-MDC are

Polyamory. I am monogamous and according to some that it "not natural"

Shop at Walmart

Let my kids watch Disney

own a car (it is an economy one but still according to some I should even own one)

I own guns and hubby hunts (according to some that *is* natural because it is so much more healthy than store bought meat but according to other eatting any meat is not natural)

I had a midwife attend my birth (she did nothing at the birth but help dh catch but still, it is not natural and actually "rape" to have ANYONE attend your birth according some on MDC)

I don't child led wean. I extended nursed (almost 3 years with my youngest) but that, according to some, is not in keeping with the spirit of MDC.

I love natural family living and I try to learn and grow and thanks to MDC I am more able to do the learning and growing. But I will NEVER measure up to what some expects of the 'ideal MDC member'

peace


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Nope. I won't even get into the "evil" things we do and believe.








Well, I'll admit to being a Republican and on the nutty fundamentalist side of evangelical Christianity.







:










We pick and choose what works for our family. _Most_ of it falls in line with what _most_ of MDC stands for, but not all. Not all would work for us. Not all would coincide with our religious beliefs. Not all would seem to us to be the very best for our individual babies.
We are definately moving towards more natural living. I love MDC because it is one of the few places where I can get the information and encouragement I need to live outside the "mainstream" lifestyle.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Let's see, this is what we do:

HB
no circ if we ever have a boy
no vaxs
co-sleep
CDing
CLW, I bf both my dd's
mostly organic food
homeschool
GD
I have more slings then I will ever use








natural cleaning...

I could go on, I started out AP and meshed into NFL, to me they are very similar, I couldn't imagine doing one without the other.


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## Nikki98 (Sep 9, 2006)

I am only human, so I do the best I can.
I like this forum because of the diverse point of views, but I know that every family has their own values and perspectives. I think if you try to aspire to doing _eveything "right"all of the time_, it could possibly drive you crazy.


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## PeacefulSeams (Apr 10, 2006)

Vax: did until he was 1 and now none. I did my research and decided it was not the best for our family.
Circ: no
Breastfeed and extended bf: yes but now he self-weaned
Cosleep: yes but has own room now
Cloth diapers: 1/2, we did cloth at home and sposies when we went somewhere, like to the store but potty trained now
AP:yes..we try to be
Gentle Discipline: try my best, not always easy
Organic foods:always
Homeschool: yes
Commercialization: I'm not that strict
Vegetarian


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

I don't see the laundry list of practices and ideals espoused by Mothering magazine and various people on MDC as some kind of checklist which, if completed, will result in perfect compliance with an ideal parenting lifestyle. MDC is not a religion and I don't do things because people here do them. I do what makes sense to me and I come here to talk to like-minded people and to get ideas about ways to make the things I want to do work.

Personally I think that labels can really detract from common sense. I want to practice a form of discipline that is in accordance with my ethics. That means no spanking or shaming, amongst other things. I'd rather just practice and work out the practical application of my ethics on a case by case basis than say I am GD and I must do exactly what every other GD person does and whatever some guy who is a GD guru says to do in his GD book. And if I also choose to homeschool, it will be because I find it works the best for my family and my child, not because it's the ideal for people who breastfeed and don't spank.

Some things about AP make great sense when talking about infants and tiny kids but a lot less when talking about older kids. Like the whole "constant contact" thing that Hathor always preaches about. Makes sense, at some level, for an infant. Makes less sense and starts to become what I would call "controlling and smothering" when we're talking about an 11 year old. I'd rather just do what makes sense than adhere to any philosophy or checklist written up by a guru or a community online.


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## PGNPORTLAND (Jul 9, 2005)

I Breastfeed and will CLW
Cosleep
Baby wear
I have never let my baby CIO
I hope I will never spank
I have a daughter but if we have a son we will not circ

I try not to have commercial toys but dd is only 10 month so she doesn't ask for them either

We use cloth diapers

The AP/NFL things I've choosen for us are what I think are the most important things. The cloth diapers I don't think are that important (to my daughter's well being and security) but I think they are cute and I like not having to buy sposies.

We do what works for us.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I am pretty big on recycling, trying to use many natural things, and we are definitely in the gentle guidance/discipline camp.









My kids are teens now but we did co-sleep, extended breast feed, etc.

I am in an smallish group of MDC that doesn't mind if the kids watch a bunch of TV, play video games, play with Barbies, etc.


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## mama_b (Dec 14, 2004)

CRUNCHY:
I never let my dd CIO. We cosleep. I EBF and CLW. I am planning a homebirth with a midwife this time around. If this baby is a boy, we will not circ. I prefer natural toys for dd. We do not vax. I plan on homeschooling. I do not spank. We eat organic when we can afford it. I use natural cleaning products.

NOT CRUNCHY:
I use disposable diapers and will with this baby too. I had dd in a hospital. Although I prefer natural toys, I don't ban plastic battery operated ones, and dd has a lot of them. I let dd watch TV. I wear makeup and I shave. I am not against using baby contraptions (swings, bouncy seats, etc.). I yell too much (though I try not to). We eat too much junk food (but I don't allow dd to have it







). I use too many disposable paper products.


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## lifescholar (Nov 26, 2006)

I pick and choose, too....

Right now, I'm not doing ALL the things I would LIKE to do, simply because of my current lifestyle, but my list will include things I AM doing, as well as things I PLAN to do once I am married and have more children.

CD
EC (maybe, not decided yet)
Homeschooling (I have ALWAYS wanted to, but can't with my son right now because I'm a single parent, and haven't figured out a way to stay home...)
Co-sleeping
EBF
CLW
Organics (some)
Homemade babyfood (although I do sometimes use jars when we go out)
Natural products (to an extent...it's not TOP priority, but I try)
GD (totally, totally, totally, and that is one of the MAIN reasons why I am here!)

I would also LOVE to live outside of a city, but I would have to have a car...because there are aspects of city living that I do enjoy. But, I'd prefer to keep my kids away from the corruption of our society a bit...

I have not yet had a natural birth, but I had planned to, and I hope that all my other births will be. I am undecided about home birth, but it is something I am seriously considering. At the very least, I want to give birth in a birthing centre.


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## luv2sah (Sep 30, 2006)

Wow, great question and responses. I like the honesty of the responders, because as a newbee reading through threads, it feels like everyone knows everyone and they may all be on the same page, except me. Also, with my first few posts (I think I have under 10 so far







) I felt like "what are all thes other experienced mammas going to think about this new kid on the block?" But in the cyber-world of a bijillion users, I also thought "is anyone going to notice me?"









When I registered, I went 'icon-happy' to tell everyone a little about our choices, but honestly, in this conservative small-town area that My3Peanuts and I live in (we live within the same community), I don't parade around with the signs as my signature might indicate.







MDC is a way for me to connect with the thoughts of other like-minded families so that I don't feel isolated - i.e. like we are the only ones doing things against the 'norm' - whether it's a little or a lot.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

We pick and choose what is right for us. I like MDC for the general philosophy, but refuse to follow a checklist or any kind of gatekeeping criteria.

However, MDC does have a strong personality and very concrete set of parenting stances. There are some practices which are open to discussion (choosing to vax, for example) and some which aren't (circumcision, ff by choice, spanking, etc.). Each forum will give more information about what is okay and not okay to discuss.

While I am sure there are parents on MDC who don't agree/follow MDCs stance on all issues, as the moderator said, MDC does not condone promotion or discussion of particular parenting choices.

If this doesn't agree with your philosophy of parenting, then it is best to not come here - or at least resign yourself to not discussing those topics on MDC.

I see following these rules as being respectful of the community that has developed here (as well as allowing one to remain a member in good standing). It is something to be aware of, however, as many new members have stepped on a landmine or two - I did! : )

Siobhan


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## Snowdrift (Oct 15, 2005)

Ita that laundry lists don't necessarily mean much. Some of my most AP/NFL practices are not on the laundry lists at all.

Just by way of example:

We only breastfed exclusively to 5-1/2 months bc DD wanted to experiment with food--some playing, some eating--and I didn't want to restrict her in that way. To me that was a very AP decision. To others it is anathema.
We didn't even really breastfeed exclusively for six months, bc I went back to class at ten days and DH had a bottle to give her. For the first three months they went to class with me and hung out in the halls so we could nurse on class breaks, but still a few bottles. I also pump milk to donate. That is neither AP nor NFL for my family but it helps another baby so I do it anyway.

Organics--sometimes, when we can afford it, when we have time. Mostly not.

Cloth dipes--of course, but that wasn't an NFL decision for me, just the way my family has always done it.

Vaxes--no, homebirth, yes--attended.

Gentle discipline? I don't know yet. I would presume so, but DD is six motnhs. I certianly believe in it, but don't know yet how good I will be at it.

We use deoderant/anti-perspirant, but rarely use disposable toilet paper. We don't recycle as much as we could, but we use almost no disposable products.

One thing I try to avoid is excess electronic noise and chaos--to me it is very NFL that our lifestyle includes walking instead of 'working out,' not too much music or tv, camping several times a year and hiking/back[acking whenever we can. But that is nowhere ont eh laundry list of NFL practices. It's pretty important though.

I could go on and on, but yea, I'm pretty crunchy. I just define my own crunchiness.


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## calngavinsmom (Feb 19, 2003)

All aspects...no I don't think anyone here really does. But I'll tell ya, I used to post on a couple of more "mainstream" parenting boards before I found MDC and everyday I am thankful that I did find this place because it is the only place where I feel that I am sane (parenting wise anyway







)

And for me at least, it is a very good place to learn and grow, hopefully into the Momma I really want to be....Lovin' the MDC







:

Take care,
Tara


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Thanks for all the honest responses!

Like I said, I am new here so I am still trying to learn what is acceptable and what is not. I hope my original post was acceptable. I'm not condoning any behaviors or choices in my OP, I was simply curious, as another posted stated, if this was the place for me.

I do look forward to advice/support/inspiration from others as we search to find what are truly the best choices for our family. I have been at a place of wanting to make some changes in our lives.

Again, I am truly sorry if I said anything unacceptable. That was not my intention.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

I do NOT pick and choose, as I do not consider these philosophies to be a menu. The AP/NFL philosophies are rooted, for me, in deep respect for the sovereignty and personal integrity of my children, my spouse, all people, and the earth. I do not practice these philosophies perfectly and recognize that we are all on individual journeys that mean that most people fall somewhere on the continuum between uber-crunchy and not-crunchy. At the same time, I believe the philosophies to be in large part descriptive of an ideal (though there is some conflicting opinion on some specific points) which I ultimately strive for and as I spend more and more time working on, get closer to integrating in my daily life, though I will never fully achieve it.

I do think that labels are useful, and though I would not hold individuals to them, I would ask that peolpe not self-apply them if they do not fit, as I find that confusing and, at its worst, hypocritical if not down-right misleading. I think one can speak honestly about what they perceive to be downfalls of a philosophy or practice without demeaning others, but still hold judgement about what is ideal.


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## amj'smommy (Feb 24, 2005)

I guess I'm in the "pick and choose" camp as well. We....

...no circ
...dd and ds#1 were vaxed according to "schedule" dd up and including 5yr old shots, ds#1 we never did 5 yr old shots. ds#2 is not vaxed at all.... yet. I still haven't decided when and which vax's ds#2 and the new baby will get.
dd and ds#1 were formula fed, ds#2 bf and is still nursing at 26months. I'm not sure about CLW as being pregnant and the thought of tandem is scarey sometimes. We are currently trying to nightwean ds.
...dd and ds#1 were crib sleepers although I never did CIO and don't believe in it. They just were happier in their own space (in our room of course until they were a bit older) I never intended on co-sleeping with ds#2 but it was just easier for us since he was nursing and I needed to get my sleep in order to be functioning to care for the older dc.
...disposable diapers.... will probably with the new baby as well
...dc watch TV... probably too much







: but we do monitor what they watch (age appropriate)
...dd loves her Barbies and Bratz dolls







:
...nothing against commercialization (disney etc.) but the kids know just because they "want" something doesn't mean they "need" it.
...don't eat much organic simply because it's too expensive but I do feel we have a healthy well balance diet. Everything in moderation








...dd and ds#1 go to public school
...try to practice GD but I do have a temper







: but am working on that


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
I do NOT pick and choose, as I do not consider these philosophies to be a menu. The AP/NFL philosophies are rooted, for me, in deep respect for the sovereignty and personal integrity of my children, my spouse, all people, and the earth. I do not practice these philosophies perfectly and recognize that we are all on individual journeys that mean that most people fall somewhere on the continuum between uber-crunchy and not-crunchy. At the same time, I believe the philosophies to be in large part descriptive of an ideal (though there is some conflicting opinion on some specific points) which I ultimately strive for and as I spend more and more time working on, get closer to integrating in my daily life, though I will never fully achieve it.

I do think that labels are useful, and though I would not hold individuals to them, I would ask that peolpe not self-apply them if they do not fit, as I find that confusing and, at its worst, hypocritical if not down-right misleading. I think one can speak honestly about what they perceive to be downfalls of a philosophy or practice without demeaning others, but still hold judgement about what is ideal.

Everything you say is brilliant.


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
Everything you say is brilliant.

aw, shucks.







:


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## jks06457 (Mar 22, 2006)

Quote:

So, I guess my questions are... do you believe in/practice everything... no circ, no vaxs, co-sleeping, EBF'ing, etc, etc... or do you pick and choose what is right for you??
we circ (personal reasons), selective vax, co-sleep if it works (struck out 2x) EBF, EXBf, CD, unschool and are trying to eat more naturally. also limit in home contaminants. essentially we live cheap. no cable. we also babywear and are considering EC. we don't do natural birthing-not in my cards. anything i forgot is in my sig.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

My beliefs about what I *ought* to be doing are very close to NFL. BUT...lol I what I feel I ought to do, and what I really do, are different in some areas. lol
In the parenting areas, I'm pretty good (now- I found MDC AFTER ds was born). My passion is GD and I do pretty good (though I am still human and screw up and yell). We co-sleep, circ'ed before I knew better but no way in heck would I do it again, extended bf, stopped vaxing at 12mos (again, when I learned better). Obviously didn't have a homebirth and had more medical interventions during his birth than I've had combined over my entire life. lol.
In the natural living areas, I'm learning, but not quite there. lol. We do recycle, but the rest we are slowly getting to. We have plastic toys (though I try to shy away, my family buys ds tons of toys), ds watches tv including Thomas the train, Pooh, and Barney. We don't really do organic produce, use some chemical cleaning products.


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## dallaschildren (Jun 14, 2003)

No. I do not practice everything. Yes. I am always open to learning more about alternatives.

DC


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

We pick and choose whats right for us.

Like some of the previous posters, I'm more AP than NFL.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *siobhang* 
However, MDC does have a strong personality and very concrete set of parenting stances. There are some practices which are open to discussion (choosing to vax, for example) and some which aren't (circumcision, ff by choice, spanking, etc.). Each forum will give more information about what is okay and not okay to discuss.

While I am sure there are parents on MDC who don't agree/follow MDCs stance on all issues, as the moderator said, MDC does not condone promotion or discussion of particular parenting choices.

If this doesn't agree with your philosophy of parenting, then it is best to not come here - or at least resign yourself to not discussing those topics on MDC.

I see following these rules as being respectful of the community that has developed here (as well as allowing one to remain a member in good standing). It is something to be aware of, however, as many new members have stepped on a landmine or two - I did! : )

Siobhan

ITA. I come here the way I come to my conservative Uncle. I simply don't discuss those area which I know are "off limits" or in which i think people are just completely







:

I come here for what I can get, and go elsewhere to discuss some things that I feel are too unbalanced here.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

No- couldn't afford to!







We were no vax, no circ well before I came here though. I've learned much and continue to learn. MDC has definitely inspired me to "go organic"







and I'm always open to trying new things. I'd like to experiment with "no poo" next







MDC also got me more motivated about cloth diapering and I'm so totally hooked on it I'm NEVER going back to sposies! We dont even use sposies for trips!

Oh yes and although I considered homebirth with my first, I didnt have the support of MDC to tell me to run far far away from the hospital. Many thanks to ANNAKISS







for helping me locate a hb midwife for my second birth, and everyone here who discusses it 24/7, posts birth stories, provides helpful and inspirational info- all my hb'ers and uc'ers, you guys are awesome







So I can add unmedicated natural birth to my "list"


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## Mountaingirl3 (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *luv2sah* 
But in the cyber-world of a bijillion users, I also thought "is anyone going to notice me?"









Well, I noticed you







because you started an interesting thread.

In a way, our family goes cafeteria style on NFL and AP, placing priority on certain aspects and opting out of others. But, what we think is really important is the core philosophy behind the checklists. If attatched parenting is our goal and we believe a loving, respectful relationship with our kids to be super important, that's the thing that we have in common with everyone at MDC. With NFL, I think most of us have a concern for the health of our planet and a desire for information about potentially harmful substances and how to keep them away from our kids.

Personally, these things stand out for me:
Gentle discipline
Breastfeeding
No-circ
No reception TV
Recycling
No toxic household chemicals
Eating organic


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## PrennaMama (Oct 10, 2005)

I came here at first just to research what other moms were up to in the world, completely ignorant to many of the ideals and philosophies discussed here. I have learned much, and have adopted many practices... Some that I was intuiting anyway, and the discussions here just affirmed for me, and some that I was glad to find out about...

We co-slept, EB, cloth diapered, selective vax, GD, AP, infant/toddler massage, live consentually...

Sometimes, I come here as a form of self-torture... I told a friend on another thread that I think that if I had half the will, talent, ingenuity, and dedication that some of these cloth diaper-making, jam-canning, veggie-garden-growing, whole-organic-food-only-eating, vegetarian or vegan, blanket knitting, sweater-crocheting, super-dooper crafty-queen-moms of the world have... I could do some crunchy damage... but I don't have half that. So, I just give props where props are due, and make a promise very week to do a little better, this week...


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tie-dyed* 
We use deoderant/anti-perspirant, but rarely use disposable toilet paper. We don't recycle as much as we could, but we use almost no disposable products.


This sentence has me completely perplexed....no disposable tp??? I've never heard of that before. I guess it would make for cleaner bottoms, but can't imagine how it would work.

I'm loving this thread and I feel much more normal reading it. It's nice to know that everyone has varying degrees of "crunchiness" here. I think the checklists have been pretty small compared to what really goes on in our daily lives. So, even though some of us used the checklist, it doesn't mean that it defines us by any means.

Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)


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## Summerland (Aug 9, 2005)

I was actually wondering this today

i breastfeed, babywear (bus she also has a swing







: ), feed my son mostly organic food, dont circ, delayed vax and now probaly wont vax new baby, non chemical cleaning products and kids products

edit, i forgot, we co-sleep too


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

I like what annakiss said









But I will say one thing that I do that I consider uber-crunchy...

~unassisted birth

and everything else that MDC stands for.... basically an underlying vibe of respect for the earth, and therefore, our children, and our families. I try to do my part to make the world a better place. I'm not perfect, no one is.

But I believe that we *can* change the world, if more people would care about each other and the planet we inhabit.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

We're AP, but not NFL. We have no desire to become NFL.

I'm only here for the parenting aspect of the site, not the naturalness of it. While I no longer find it as hokey as I used to, it's still not right for me or my family.


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## 3happygirls (Feb 4, 2006)

Funny to think about the evolution of myself since I found MDC. I would say we are NFL (to a point), but not totally AP. We practice GD, but my kids watch too much TV and I have the occasional box of CheezIts (in one sitting), but we really do try. We CD, GD, buy organic, garden, live simply, BF, TRIED to cosleep, but our DDs have all basically protested. Mostly, we try to CARE and THINK about what we're doing, parenting-wise and environmentally. My dd now hates the sling, but I carry her when I can and never carry her around in the carseat. Interesting thread! I wasn't always this way and use MDC as a great resource.


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## HannahsMomma (Oct 2, 2006)

"But I believe that we *can* change the world, if more people would care about each other and the planet we inhabit."








: majazama

We learned about AP when dd was born after we got Dr Sears book. From then on we have changed our lives. We bf, babywear (not now that she wants to run everywhere !), wouln't circ if we had a boy, we co-sleep, no cio, organic when affordable, vegetarian, we stopped vaxing until we are more educated on the subject, we just started cding. I am learning more about NFL through MDC. We have started to try homeopathic remedies which are great ! Working on the gd. I just kind of go with my gut ! We cancelled cable and mostly just watch movies on the weekend evenings. My dd is in love with Fraggle Rock so we are not anti-tv.







:
I am so glad I found MDC. It has helped dh and I with so many issues. Everyday we are trying to do our best and be the best example for our dd.


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## oldcrunchymom (Jun 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
I am pretty big on recycling, trying to use many natural things, and we are definitely in the gentle guidance/discipline camp.









My kids are teens now but we did co-sleep, extended breast feed, etc.

I am in an smallish group of MDC that doesn't mind if the kids watch a bunch of TV, play video games, play with Barbies, etc.

Same here.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
I do NOT pick and choose, as I do not consider these philosophies to be a menu. The AP/NFL philosophies are rooted, for me, in deep respect for the sovereignty and personal integrity of my children, my spouse, all people, and the earth. I do not practice these philosophies perfectly and recognize that we are all on individual journeys that mean that most people fall somewhere on the continuum between uber-crunchy and not-crunchy. At the same time, I believe the philosophies to be in large part descriptive of an ideal (though there is some conflicting opinion on some specific points) which I ultimately strive for and as I spend more and more time working on, get closer to integrating in my daily life, though I will never fully achieve it.

I do think that labels are useful, and though I would not hold individuals to them, I would ask that peolpe not self-apply them if they do not fit, as I find that confusing and, at its worst, hypocritical if not down-right misleading. I think one can speak honestly about what they perceive to be downfalls of a philosophy or practice without demeaning others, but still hold judgement about what is ideal.

ITA! With my first child, I didn't circ him b/c it didn't seem right. I breastfed him b/c not only is breastfeeding better for baby AND mom, but it's also better for the environment. Same w/ CDing. I had a 100% natural (Bradley) hospital birth. We delayed vaxes, although he was eventually fully vaxed. I started buying organic foods if they were available.

With every baby, I have become more crunchy, but I am nowhere near perfect. We ate fast food twice in the last week. My refrigerator and pantry contain 90% organic foods, but sometimes I get tired and we get busy. I used disposable diapers for 2 weeks straight when my dryer broke last month and I was too tired to go to the laundromat (we live in an apt w/ no room inside to line dry and we aren't allowed to hang clothes outside. Plus my drying rack broke the day my dryer did. What luck!)

I don't really get the AP/NFL thing where some people claim to be one, but not the other. To me, they are very closely related. I wear my baby b/c we like to be close to each other. I nurse him on demand b/c he would cry if I didn't and I don't like to hear babies cry. I put him in cloth diapers b/c they are softer and not full of chemicals. I put cotton and wool clothing on him b/c it's softer, better for his skin, and better for the environment. I feed my kids organic foods b/c it's not healthy to eat the chemicals conventional foods contain, and those chemicals are very bad for the environment. It seems like a no brainer to me to be both NFL and AP, but I don't think less of my friends who don't practice NFL. I can understand how they can mistakenly believe it's SO much more expensive to live naturally. I know differently b/c I live that way and can see that while the products I buy cost a LOT more, they are usually much better quality and last longer. As for food, eating vegan meals most of the time really cuts back on eating expenses, even if most of the food is organic. However, I don't think I could remain friends w/ someone who mistreated their kids, i.e spanking all the time, cio, things like that.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

We don't buy organics, child led wean, do home birth and we do vax and use chemical cleaning products.

We homeschool, gentle discipline, cloth diaper (and use other reusable products) babywear, extened breastfeed, no circ, cosleep, no poo/deodorant, raw feeding (pets)


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
We're AP, but not NFL. We have no desire to become NFL.

I'm only here for the parenting aspect of the site, not the naturalness of it. While I no longer find it as hokey as I used to, it's still not right for me or my family.

We're NFL but not very AP (except for breastfeeding, baby-wearing and no CIO). Didn't/don't co-sleep and never had the desire to.

Oh, and we vax.


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## marieandchris (Jun 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annakiss* 
I do NOT pick and choose, as I do not consider these philosophies to be a menu. The AP/NFL philosophies are rooted, for me, in deep respect for the sovereignty and personal integrity of my children, my spouse, all people, and the earth. I do not practice these philosophies perfectly and recognize that we are all on individual journeys that mean that most people fall somewhere on the continuum between uber-crunchy and not-crunchy. At the same time, I believe the philosophies to be in large part descriptive of an ideal (though there is some conflicting opinion on some specific points) which I ultimately strive for and as I spend more and more time working on, get closer to integrating in my daily life, though I will never fully achieve it.

I do think that labels are useful, and though I would not hold individuals to them, I would ask that peolpe not self-apply them if they do not fit, as I find that confusing and, at its worst, hypocritical if not down-right misleading. I think one can speak honestly about what they perceive to be downfalls of a philosophy or practice without demeaning others, but still hold judgement about what is ideal.

What she said!









Marie


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

We do what is right for our family and what works for us. This is what works for us right now:

EBF, cosleeping, baby wearing (DD somewhat rejects being worn), no CIO, no spanking, no circ if we ever have a boy, GD (we try hard), no tv, no vaxing, DD eats a lot of organic, no sugar, virtually no fast food. -I am sure there is more but it slips my mind.

In the past we cloth diapered but we had a diaper service and then we moved to an area where there wasn't a diaper service. I was overwhelmed as it was so the cloth diapers had to go. I also used to recycle virtually everything but I live in an area where the recycling is difficult (I have to drive it there and to seperate places) so I do little recycling now. This pains me a great deal and I am thinking about moving so I can get into an area with recycling. -The first time I threw out a soda bottle I felt actual pain and have stopped drinking soda for that reason.

Like I said, we roll with it and do what works for our family. What is most important, I think, is that I am responsive to DD's needs. Except today when we were at a restaurant for lunch and she demanded bites from the candy dish. I was very slow to understand that request.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

We do what's right for our family and don't really care what others do. As long as their children are safe and loved, I'm happy.


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## tiffer23 (Nov 7, 2005)

Nope. And there are some things I wouldn't want to. They aren't right for our family.

We co-sleep (in my arms for 4 months, now in our room still), cloth diaper, selective/delay vax at least if we do end up doing them, breastfed for a few weeks but now do formula (looooong story that I don't feel like getting into right now), I hope to EBF the next baby, no circ, no CIO, no spanking, eta.

We more do AP than NFL. I recycle, we don't use many disposable things, etc. though.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie* 
We're AP, but not NFL. We have no desire to become NFL.

I'm only here for the parenting aspect of the site, not the naturalness of it. While I no longer find it as hokey as I used to, it's still not right for me or my family.

Us too. And I LOVE your siggie!


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Nope. But I have learned alot here. Next time around, I will be bfing,csing, cding,delayed selective vaxing and non circing.

But I don't wear organic clothes and grow my own food. I don't sew, I love to shop lol. We watch tons of tv. We love suvs. And...*God forbid* We shop at Wal Mart!!!


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## linguistmama (Sep 25, 2006)

We do lots of the things here, but not all. One of the reasons I joined MDC was because I was already doing some crunchy things and realized I had so much to learn. Since joining I have started no-pooing, washing my face with honey, cding, using cloth mama pads and cloth tp. In the past I never ever thought I would do any of them, ewe gross! But over the months as I have read posts and tried them out I really love it! Some of the ideas did seem radical at first, but now I have either come to agree with them or respect the other person's right to do them and their reasoning.


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

I would love to be able to practice more aspects....some things just won't happen though.

I'd love to live off the grid...THAT won't happen...my husband would go nuts. I would love to eat exclusively organic food....until prices go down that won't happen but dh tries to get us what he can, plus we are trying to incorporate more whole foods into our diet.

Ds was born at a freestanding birth center in the water with 2 midwives in attendance. I do breastfeed and plan on child-led weaning. He will be back in cloth when he's ready to potty-train. We've stopped vaxes, unfortunately he's circ'ed thanks to my stupidity







: I babywear him when possible...unforutnately I got started into it late. We plan on gentle discipline. He co-sleeps part-time with us, as he prefers his own space as he's gotten older. I would LOVE to homeschool him but honestly, I just don't have the brain for it. I just don't think I can do it. There is a great free school here that I plan on looking into, as well as a couple charter Montessori schools and a charter Waldorf school.

Whenever we have more children, it will be back at the birth center or a homebirth...I'm not brave enough to go UC, and I want to get back into cloth diapering, with pocket diapers or g-diapers this time....I hated the prefolds so much. If I could only talk dh into those...yeah right. I MAY try EC, I don't know. Definitely no circing if it's another boy and no vaxes at all and babywearing from birth, now that I know what I'm doing!

Honestly, I absolutely love this place....it's the only place where I feel normal. I love talking with other moms who do much of the other things I do or believe much of the other things I do.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

What a fun thread!

I have become decidely more crunchy since I started hanging aound here! when I first found MDC I was just thrilled to find other AP parents! Actually, I was amazed that what I was doing had a name and others who practiced it!

I already breastfed, coslept, gd and was doing the natural birth thing, with my third child (which is how I found mdc, my midwife gave me a copy of the magazine).

Now we:
extendend bf and tandem nurse
still cosleep and gd
dont circ, am going to stop vaxing (kids all up to date when I started researching and no one has been "due" again yet)
just started out on homeschooling
have always held my babies in arms

NFL....um.... I do try to use natural products when I can, like baking soda to clean the tub etc. but the teenagers bathroom...ugh!
we try to eat organic when possible but the cost is so high, ds1 is now a vegeterian so thats been a learning experiance for us all.
I tried cding....dd loves them, ds2 wont keep them on and demands the disposible ones. Plus I think my washer, or maybe my detergant has shredded a few. Will probally give it a go with the new baby though.

I learn a lot here. Of course, I am turing into the very person who, ten years ago even, I would have found to be a total frootloop! So there you go, evolution I guess. Live and learn.


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## TheDivineMissE (Mar 31, 2006)

Interesting thread, I think about this subject all the time. My answer:

I'm a nonconformist. Therefore, I find it impossible to conform to any particular list of "standards" be it a mainstream list, or an AP/NFL list. I pick and choose what makes sense to me. I research, consider all sides, then choose my own route from there. Some areas I haven't done my homework on yet, some areas I disagree with, and some areas I find inherently "right".

For example: We breastfeed, babywear, cloth diaper, cosleep and GD. However, we also on occasion use swings and bouncy seats. Sometimes we use disposable diapers (overnight for my super-pee-er and on trips). I have been known to shout every three months or so (LOL and BOY does that backfire on me








). Sometimes when it's cold, and the baby is sleeping, I've been seen carting her in a store in her bucket. Other days she's seen in my homemade slings. I sew my own slings, diapers, quilts, curtains, etc - but I also buy clothes (on sale - I refuse to pay full price for anything!).

I don't buy very much processed food - but I refuse to pay $11 for a bag of organic grapes. We eat at McDonalds sometimes, but I hate it and wish it weren't so convenient and I wasn't so lazy. I do my best to cook healthy snacks and meals for us, but those snacks sometimes include sugar - and worse, I really like it.







I'm admittedly addicted to cokes - but I limit myself to just a couple a week.

I do vaccinate and this is one area I haven't done the proper homework on - so I'll leave this one where it is. I'm not opposed to medicine either - used responsibly I think it does great good. I know I certainly want a tylenol when I've got a headache, and if it makes that headache go away - so be it. I like that cold medicine generally makes symptoms at least tolerable - but if a big dose of Vitamin C can get rid of the cold in the first place and negate the need for the medicine, all the better.

I wear makeup when I feel like it, do my hair when I want to, have tattoos and piercings and highlights. I have no idea what the current trends are in Birkenstocks or whatever the favorite shoes are these days - I buy my Sketchers tennis shoes like I have for years. I shave, but not my legs - only because they don't grow hair - no lie! I refuse to go deodorant-less and believe me, that IS a public service in my case. Sometimes I like to dress up for playgroups in nice black pants and a decent looking shirt, and sometimes I'm in a milk stained t-shirt and yoga pants.

We live on cash generally and don't feel that we need to buy, buy, buy. We have very little debt (unless you include the mortgage). We donate to charity and we give our gently used items to VA or whomever needs them and will pick them up.







I don't spend fortunes on kids toys - $110 for a stuffed doll that looks like something I can make is still consumerism. I don't insist on all cloth and wood toys, organically made locally etc, etc. However, you'll never see a Bratz doll in this house because they represent everything I hate about the current mainstream toy culture.

I don't mind TV - but I won't pay for cable and I won't let my kids watch much of anything that's on after 7pm. It's all garbage and gore. I let her watch videos and movies - but not many current ones because the messages are so twisted. (Little Mermaid anyone? LOL) I like the original Disney - but not as much the current Disney. Obviously the computer is hunky-dorey with me.







Again - we censor.

In my opinion it is just as bad to automatically follow and AP/NFL lifestyle without examining why you're doing it as it is to follow a mainstream lifestyle. Doing _anything_ simply because you're told it is right isn't a good idea. I do think most people that choose AP/NFL are thinkers - but I'm sure there are those out there doing it because it's becoming "trendy" and not because it's what they have really thought out and researched.

And there you have my very long winded and mostly unsolicited reply.







I don't know how "crunchy" I am. I don't think I can be defined by a label. Perhaps the nonconformist label is the closest I'll ever get. I am just me - not a list of requirements to be a part of the club.









(adding this to my blog - cause I like it







)


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## SneakyPie (Jan 13, 2002)

We do the AP part almost to the hilt. The NFL stuff, not so completely. Despite being a solstice-celebrating local-currency-using practically-Compacting family moving to a biodiesel car (our only car) -- NFL just doesn't concern us as deeply. But we are super into attachment, as a couple as well as in parenting. Certain things, like vaccinations or TV or diapering materials or which carseat we buy, we don't consider to be part of the attachment process, so we consider them carefully but we don't label them AP or non-AP.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

I agree that most people have their "hill to die on" with regards to AP/NFL. And then a list of things that are more secondary on the priority list. It's how we stay halfway sane.

Anti-circ is very important to me. My heart breaks to think of all the boys I know who've been through agony I can't even fathom, and for _what?_ To look like Daddy? I used to think that those women on the Net who said they'd divorce over the issue were over-the-top nutty, but I get it now.

Breastfeeding is wonderful, healthy and FREE! And ee-ZEE. God, I'd pull my hair out if I had to switch to formula now. I'm tandeming now, which is so funny and wonderful and cute. I love seeing my toddler hold my baby's hand while they nurse.

Having a homebirth was one of the most empowering and fabulous experiences of my life. I'd pay twice the midwife's fee out-of-pocket to do it again. It was THAT cool.

Love my slings! They've been in very regular use with two babies for the last 22 months and still look as good as the day I bought 'em.









Can't believe everyone doesn't cosleep with infants. It's probably America's "dirty" lil secret.









I started a garden this summer-- probably the only way this family is going to eat much organic produce in this lifetime. And I compost. Composting is fun.







Little microbes eatin' your banana peels.

I sew a lot; when I do, I think about how much my time is worth, and how cheaply & easily I could buy a similar item thanks to sweatshop labor... makes you think twice before buying cheap crap on sale.

And then I do things that are totally un-MDC. Some I'm cool with, others not.

Sometime during my pregnancy with DD, after an epic plumbing disaster, I started using sposies on my toddler fulltime.







Now I've got TWO babies in sposies. Part of me wants to go back to cloth, and part of me isn't convinced it's really any better for the environment. I lack motivation.









I've done CIO out of sheer desperation. DS is a fabulous sleeper now, but I really doubt it has anything to do with my half-assed CIO attempts. My heart was never in it.

And I'm a no-poo dropout.


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## Patchfire (Dec 11, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheDivineMissE* 
In my opinion it is just as bad to automatically follow and AP/NFL lifestyle without examining why your doing it as it is to follow a mainstream lifestyle. Doing _anything_ simply because you're told it is right isn't a good idea. I do think most people that choose AP/NFL are thinkers - but I'm sure there are those out there doing it because it's becoming "trendy" and not because it's what they have really thought out and researched.























:

I see this occasionally IRL. I had a neighbor who on the surface was 'very crunchy' but when I started talking specifics with her one day she totally froze. "Oh, I just do it this way because they said all the chiropractors do." (She is a chiropractor.) She had no idea *why* she was nursing past a year or not vaxing or any of that. Just doing things on a checklist.


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## saraann (Dec 1, 2006)

we pick and choose, for me it's all about just trusting my gut and doing what feels right. It's mainly about finding a balance, what makes sense to me and what I can handle.
We cosleep, this is one of my favorite mommy activity's, it's such a bonding experience. It also has made nightime parenting a lot easier. I didn't have to struggle to get her to sleep in a crib. She is not the type of baby who would be able to fall asleep on her own. If I wanted her to I really would have to resort to CIO and I just don't belive that'd be good for her or for me.
I breastfeed and plan to continue until baby's ready to wean.
I carry baby a lot, hold her, wear her, this just keeps her calm and I can actually get things done, plus it helps to lose the baby weight, carrying an extra 15+lbs around
I'm a mix of an idealist and a realist. Ideally I'd love to eat really healthy, organic foods but we can't afford that lifestyle. We eat healthy but it's not organic. I don't use cloth diapers simply because I don't feel I could deal with it, even though I know its so much better for the environment. I could go on and on but I won't.
I think it's just about finding some balance. Be the best mom you can, but don't feel guilty if you can't do it all perfectly.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:

In my opinion it is just as bad to automatically follow and AP/NFL lifestyle without examining why your doing it as it is to follow a mainstream lifestyle. Doing anything simply because you're told it is right isn't a good idea. I do think most people that choose AP/NFL are thinkers - but I'm sure there are those out there doing it because it's becoming "trendy" and not because it's what they have really thought out and researched.
yup yup yup yup!! the unexamined life is not worth living, and all that...

For example, we vax fully and pretty close to schedule. But I have done the research, I have visited the vax board several time, I have heard the stories. Our decision is 100% thoughtful. Ditto using 'sposies vs cloth.

We are far from perfect -there are lots of things I believe in that I don't always do - especially around making and eating nutrious food and exercise. There are lots of things I'd love to do if I had a different life, husband, environment (gardening is one big one, but also making more bread, sewing clothing, etc.) But some things in our family are non-negotiable - spanking is a big one - and I like that MDC gives a lot of support for that decision and gives great suggestions on discipline methods. But since we decided to fully vax, I don't lurk on the vax boards since I really don't need/would get support for that decision there.

S'okay - the internet is a big place and MDC cannot nor should be all things to all families.

Siobhan


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

We pick and choose. And there are a lot of things we do, that I agree with the practice of, but don't agree with the theory behind it. Actually, I find the theory behind many ap/nfl practices somewhere between annoying and offensive. But I still agree with the practices, for different reasons, so that's my connection to ap/nfl.


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## Moochie Mamma (Jan 23, 2006)

We also pick and choose what works for us:

no circ
no more vax
mostly organic
extended bf
mostly cloth diaper
new to GD but trying so hard
co-slept until about a year for both kiddos (actually DH still sleeps w/ Ds most nights)
very limited TV and only non-commercial shows
mostly wood toys
no CIO
natural cleaning products
walk or bike instead of drive as much as possible (I do use a stroller on walks in the winter cause it's so icy and I'm afraid to fall with her in an Ergo or sling)
both kids lived in slings/ergo until they could walk

I know there's alot more I could be doing (CD all the time, no TV, GD 100%) but I like to think of life as a work in process. I'm just so glad I've found MDC- I can't tell you how much I've learned in the past year!


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## jtbuko (Sep 28, 2006)

I consider my parenting style instinctive, but we find that there's a lot of overlap with AP so I come here because of the commonalities. Its nice to find a "place" where folks have made similar choices even if they came to them via different routes.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Yes to so many things said here... I want to be both instinctive and thoughtful about what I do in all aspects of life. I tend to like to be a rebel (a "rabblerouser" is what my Pop-- my union-leading kindergarten teaching heavy metal listening Pop calls me, lol). I LOVE LOVE LOVE having a place that I can wallow in acceptance and critical thinking, instead of blind unthinking comformity to some arbitrary mainstream. I seriously feel relief at MDC sometimes, it's so comforting to not be alone and the weirdo. AND I come here to stretch myself, to learn more and more. I have to agree with those that say lables are important, etc. But I still think within that framework we're all going to find our own little ways of individualizing b/c we tend to be more of free spirits/critical thinkers etc etc.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jtbuko* 
I consider my parenting style instinctive, but we find that there's a lot of overlap with AP so I come here because of the commonalities. Its nice to find a "place" where folks have made similar choices even if they came to them via different routes.


Same here!

As a nurse I tend to be very scientific/medical minded, and this site has helped me see the alternative side. I don't agree with it all, but I've learned alot. There are things I did with my ds that I regret, circing and vaxing, that I won't do if I am lucky enough to have another baby.

I drive an SUV(it's paid for, so I'm driving it until it dies,lol), but I use natural cleaning products and try not to use paper products. I conserve water, electricity and heat. I recycle.
Ds watches tv but I carefully limit commercials and what he watches for shows and movies. We avoid character clothes/toys but if ds gets some for a gift, he keeps them. We eat organic/whole foods as much as possible. I am a stickler about chemicals in the house or yard. I nursed but only for a year (something I'd change with another baby) and used disposables. I don't cosleep (I did when he was a baby) but I don't cio.
I don't spank, but am a yeller (working on that) I try to be respectful to my son.
So, I am somewhere in between crunchy and mainstream, but am happy here because everyone seems respectful and intelligent. I love to read and garden and you don't see alot of threads about these on more mainstream boards.


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

Vax: HELL no! See my sig.

Circ: We circ'd and deeply regret it. Any future boys will be intact just like their Daddy.

Breastfeed and extended bf: I BF and will again, but didn't make it past 8 months for medical reasons. I hope to go longer this time. The twins weren't BF at all because I was young and ignorant.

Cosleep: yes

Cloth diapers: yes/no. We were heavily into cloth diapering until about a month ago. The more pregnant I get, the more I hate doing laundry.

AP:yes

Gentle Discipline: we do time outs, take things away, etc. I try really hard not to spank because I think it's disrespectful, but I have on occasion. I regret it.

Organic foods: if I could afford it I would and we had a grocery store that sold more organic nearby.

Homeschool: we homeschooled DS for a year, but he begged to go to public school and we let him. It seems to be working out ok.

Commercialization: I dont like for the kids to wear character clothes, but that's about it.


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## QuietTempest (Aug 5, 2004)

I'm borrowing the list used a few pages ago..

*Vax:* yes
*Circ:* no, if I have a boy, I intend for him to remain intact
*Breastfeed and extended bf:* I breastfed my daughter until she just refused to nurse around 16 or 17 months. Long story short, she never really regained interest and my milk production plummeted to nothingness . If she had, I'd probably still be a nursing mom.
*Cosleep:* we did until she was a little over a year because I got tired of spending an hour of "kick Mommy and Daddy in the ribs" and I was missing the intimacy of being alone in bed with my significant other.. the transition from family bed to crib was suprisingly not that bad, and during that time I never made her CIO. If I had to, I'd stay in the nursery with her until she fell asleep and then sneak back to my own bed unless I'd fallen asleep in there.
*Cloth diapers:* no
*AP:* yes
*Gentle Discipline:* I would never, ever, strike my child. We do timeouts now that I feel she's old enough to understand the concept of consequences.
*Organic foods:* not really
*Homeschool:* I don't plan on it
*Commercialization:* My daughter has favorite book and tv characters and it's always been a treat for her to be able to pick toys and clothes representing those characters, but I'm not the kind of parent that would let her glue herself to the tv and nag me for everything the commercials advertised.


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## intorainbowz (Aug 16, 2006)

I'm a cafeteria MDC momma... I started coming here because of the NICU group. I find that AP is very inline with my parenting standards and has helped me increase my bond with DD. AP was always how I wanted to parent, but here I learned it had a name and got more ideas on how to. I'm not the crunchiest on here by any means, but I try to do better each day. When I know something I believe is not supported by this community, I keep it to myself (I sometimes spout off when c/s are being unfairly slammed in my POV)

To borrow the list....

Vax: yes, DD is fully vaxed and is recieving Synagis.
Circ: no, if I have a boy, he will remain intact
Breastfeed and extended bf: DD was nursed/EBM until 6 months. We have been feeding her pureed solids since. Others on here strongly disagree with that.I have not decided when/if I will wean, but by being on here, I have become a strong lactivist, and I guarantee that DD's nursing time will have lengthened due to my being on here.
Cosleep: We did not plan to do this but we are. DD wakes up when moved, so nursing her to sleep works for us now. I don't know how long we will do this. I intend to nurse her at least 2 years, but will prolly stop pumping during the day at about a year. I firmly do not believe in CIO so we will see what works for our family. I'll be honest though, last night she fell asleep in her baby bed, which I laid her in to use the bathroom and she was asleep when I came back, no crying. Those couple of hours with just DH and I in the bed were hevenly and no, we did not DTD.
Cloth diapers: no, no desire to. My friends and I have looked at this and as we live in a desert and a drought, we feel it is better for the enviroment in our area to not do all the washing that CD take. Just my take.
AP: yes. I have a swing which has been a lifesaver because of NICU issues. Another reason I came here. Where I live AP is not done too much so here I feel like I am among like minded mommys. I rarely use the stroller and refuse to use the bucket except for transportation with few exceptions.
Gentle Discipline: DD is only 7 months old. I plan on doing this and am learning more about this.
Organic foods: not really, love organic milk though. Too expensive where I am and not a lot of availabilty.
Homeschool: Maybe, I'm not totally opposed to this.
Commercialization: I try to control what comes into the home, but I have no real problems with characters. I LOVE whinnie the pooh.

Some NFL living aspects I am interested in learning about, some I'm not. To each their own.

I also am not very into natural healing methods. When I was pregnant with DD and had painful sciatic, I saw a chiro, as my OB had no help for me. Chrio helped me live through that. I did have a high risk pregnancy and lost count of all the u/s I had. Because of complications I had a <gasp> scheduled c/s. I have no desires at all for a VBAC. Kudoos to those that want this, I do not. Prior to my pregnancy, I had wanted to natural labor, but had no family support for a HB. I love the moms by c/s tribe. There we can grieve what we will never have in peace.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Let's see....when I had ds1 in 1993, I was actually more NFL than I am now, I think. Over the years, stress, exhaustion and time crunches have caused me to slip a bit...

I came here when pregnant with ds2, because I was looking for c-section support that didn't consist of "c-sections rule - everyone should have one". I thought I'd accepted the doctor's dictate that ds2 was going to have to be a third section. (The horrible nightmares that started as soon as my pregnancy was confirmed were a pretty good tip that I hadn't.) So, I originally came here to get VBA2C support. I didn't have my VBA2C, however.

So...obviously, I don't/haven't had natural births. I intend to have a HBA3C with my next baby, though...if I have one. I'm not pregnant yet. DS1 was going to be a natural birth, too - and I laboured happily at home for a little over 20 hours before going to the hospital, where I had an "emergency" section for breech, over my protests, at 10 cm dilation. *sigh*

I breastfeed, but wouldn't say I EBF. With ds1, he was weaned at 10 months, because I mistakenly thought I'd need to wean him to get pregnant again. Since it was 10 years before I had another baby, I _really_ regret that one.

I've always coslept to various degrees, and even when ds1 and dd were in cribs/playpens, they were always responded to immediately, and welcome to come into bed with us. DS2 is still bedsharing. DD doesn't fit, but I lie down with her until she goes to sleep, and dh or I will go in and snuggle with her if she wakes up at night and needs us. We absolutely do _not_ do CIO.

Diet - all over the map. I've always tried to feed the family healthy foods, but I have a junk food related eating disorder (no idea what you'd call it, but it's _not_ healthy), and that spills over occasionally.







We eat a lot of organic produce, some organic meat, but so far, no organic dairy - we just haven't found it a reasonable fit into our budget.

I've always cloth diapered, for the most part, but we do use disposables sometimes for outings and travel.

We're not TV-free, but I don't remember the last time we actually watched a tv show. We do watch movies sometimes. The most dd gets is a movie a day - usually only an hour. We're fairly non-commercial, but dd does love Dora. I _hate_ Bratz, and am not fond of Barbie (if dd loves Barbie when she's older, I'll let her have one, but I think Bratz are forever banned...that's the line). We have a bit of Disney Princess stuff, because dh and his parents are into it, and as long as it's not out of control, I can live with it. I will _not_ buy stuff just because it has "Disney" on it, but I do sometimes buy Disney or Dora, because it's all I can find. I won't say no to second-hand clothes, either - and they often have brands on them.

We're not MDC on the violence front. My kids do own toy guns, and are allowed to play violent games. DS1 loved his Power Rangers and Spider-Man (in fact, for some reason, Spidey has always been my main exception to the minimal logo thing...maybe because I loved Spidey myself as a kid







). DD likes to "kill Orcs" to protect me, dh, ds1 and ds2.

We don't forbid plastic toys with batteries, but do try to encourage other toys for our kids. DS1 has a massive love affair with action figures, so plastic definitely has its place here! Plus, ds1 loves to juggle, and his clubs (this year's Christmas present) and Diabolo are plastic.

No circ - I've never considered the idea.

DS1 was vaxed according to schedule. DD and ds2 are getting about the same vaxes, which means I'm refusing some, as the "schedule" has become insane. When a 2-month-old is expected to get _four_ shots, someone's gone nuts, imo! So, I guess I'm technically "selectively" vaxing.

GD...I'd say I'm mostly GD, but I do have a hot temper, and so does dd. So, we do get into some stupid altercations sometimes. That one's a constant work in progress. DS1 was hit a couple of times, which was brutal on both of us. I hit dd once, and have found ways to cope with that situation (when she hurts her baby brother) more calmly since.

My parenting hasn't changed much since I came here, but I'm even more hesitant about vaxes (have always been iffy) and wouldn't be intending to homebirth if I hadn't come here.

I don't consider myself AP or NFL, because I've never been interested in labelling my parenting or my lifestyle. I just try to find what works for me and my family.


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## Enchanted Gypsy (Oct 5, 2006)

While I do not have kids ( not until June !) I would say that, right now we are definitely natural family living ( we live in a veggie fueled, solar powered house bus,). I find I disagree with a lot of the parenting issues promoted on MDC though, but I enjoy the other aspects.~Pixie


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Vax: Fully vax on a delayed schedule
Circ: No
Breastfeed and extended bf: BF at the breast 6 months, then a combination of pumped milk, feeding at breast and formula supplements till 16 months (DD has a palate issue that caused intense nursing pain and nipple damage)
Cosleep: Till DD was 5 months
Cloth diapers: Yes, but we have always supplemented with sposies on occasion
AP: Not as much as some
Gentle Discipline: YES--this is my crunchiest area
Organic foods: About half and half--we also grow a large organic garden
Homeschool: only if we feel we have to
Commercialization: The only characters DD knows are from Sesame Street and Big, Big World

I'd add another...
TV: Less than two hours a week, if that


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

(in response to the OP only as i haven't read the thread yet) ... i would say at this point i'm not even practicing half of the "mdc type" ideals.

off the top of my head:

- i would love to eat / buy all organic, but we just can't afford it.
i would also love to eat all whole foods but i just don't have the time and resources (financial, emotional, etc) to devote to it.

- i'm not a SAHM because i'm a single working student mama.

- i don't babywear because i have chronic back and foot problems.

- i use standard pharmaceuticals for many of my health and related problems because they WORK (whereas the natural products and therapies i've used DON'T).

- i used to use all cloth bags at the grocery store but switched back to plastic because right now i can't afford garbage bags, so i get the plastic bags free at the store and use them for our garbage.







:

- i don't cloth diaper, we use disposables, because with the price of laundry and detergent (and TIME and ENERGY as in walking up and down all of our stairs) i just can't afford to use cloth, and hand washing is no longer an option.

- while i love wooden toys, and would never turn them down if we were offered, my kids have TONS of plastic "junk toys" (as so labeled by Mothering magazine herself).... why do i let them keep them? because they're fun, my kids love them, and i would rather they have a wealth of things to play with then have barren rooms because i don't have the money to afford all natural playthings.

- we vaccinate, because i have researched it extensively and believe it to be the best option.

- my son is in public school (a necessity) and both my kids will be in daycare in a few weeks when i go back to work (another necessity)

- while we don't watch TV *per se*.... i let my kids watch tons of movies and play video games pretty much every day now. i also let them watch music videos with me.







: primarily this is so i can do things like shower and cook dinner without little hands constantly grabbing me.







(and because i like music videos.....)

- we've started using paper towels along with our cloth ones just because it's easier and i don't want to keep having to do laundry constantly







: (( i'm sorry, Earth... ))

- i do however use all natural cleaning products and (( mostly )) all natural skincare / body products (vegetable based soap, all natural makeup, etc)

- i didn't have my son circumsized, because i believe it's absolutely barbaric. (i lecture everyone i know with my Intactivist Ideals







)...

- i breastfeed my toddler (although i've been weaning her she still nurses LOTS







-- i do set lots of limits now)

- i generally practice GD and AP ~~ i try to always keep communication open with my kids and treat them with respect (ie "treat them as i'd want to be treated / how i'd treat an adult")

- i do love cooking, and i'm trying to navigate us back to a vegetarian diet (it's slow going.... !)

- i make most of the gifts / cards / invitations i give people (for all occasions)

ETA - i also had an unassisted homebirth.









- ... and i don't shave


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## MomToKandE (Mar 11, 2006)

We definitely pick and choose what works for us.

*Vax*: yes, more or less on schedule
*Circ*: no, ds is intact
*BF*: dd bf until 2 weeks before her 3rd birthday (and I was 5 months pg). Ds will be 3 in a month and is showing no signs of quitting.
*Cloth diapers*: Tried them when dd was a toddler, I loved them but dh REALLY hated them. We're using disposables with ds.
*Co-sleeping*: Yes, both kids are in our bed... I wouldn't mind if dd decided to "graduate" but she's not showing any signs of wanting to. The funny thing is she slept (very well) in a crib for 8 months before she started waking at night and we started co-sleeping.

*Other NFL stuff*:
- We buy organic milk and some organic produce. We joined a CSA last summer.
- We're choosing less toxic cleaning products
- I'm choosing some less toxic personal care products, for others I can't give up the conventional stuff
- We're using cloth napkins and have replaced most of our paper towel use with cloth
- I've changed some of our teflon cookware to cast iron
- I'm trying to reduce our consumption of "stuff". I'm not always winning but at least I'm trying.








- We usually use cloth bags for groceries (sometimes they get forgotten) but I don't worry about them for other shopping trips.

Non "Mothering" stuff:
- I WOH. I would love to go down to part time work but I wouldn't be a full-time SAHM if I could. Nothing against SAHMs but it's not what's best for me and my family.
- Dh drives a Suburban







: What can I say... it's not what I would choose but we do need the seating room and he really loves it.
- I love the idea of homeschooling but in reality I do not have the personality for it. I recognize my limits on this.









Basically I try to find a balance... I try to do what I can and not go nuts over what I can't manage.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I do the best I can, accepting that life is not always idea. AP is about love, not about rules.

I have made outright mistakes with parenting in dark times of PPD and sleep deprivation. I regret those mistakes and we have moved on.

With my first baby I did:
Bottlefeeding with love-- i.e. feed on demand in my arms (pumped for 5.5 mos, baby never nursed)

Cloth diapers birth to potty training at 3.8 years old.

Family bed

Babywearing

We are vegetarian.

Rode my bike a lot with dd in the trailer to save gas.

Started to clean with natural products.

She was homeschooled for 2 years.

With my second baby, she had major health issues. She ended up on a feeding tube and was very sick.

I had an epidural birth but did a lot of non-conventional things such as no pit, no shots/ointment/bath for the baby, delayed cord cutting, and pulled her out with my own two hands. Had a doula present.

I pumped for 7 weeks. I was not able to feed her on demand since she refused to eat, but I held her and wore the pump on my body in a pack while she was being fed.

We had a crib next to our bed to elevate her and allow space/safety for her feeding pump. But she stayed in our room for a year, then moved in with her sister.

I did cloth diapers with her as much as I could given her GI and heavy wetting issues.

Learned to be an advocate for her in the hospital.

Made her own home-made formula using real food in order to get her off the Pediasure.

Applied AP ideas to address her therapy/feeding issues. Often went against doctor advice or found new doctors who would support me.


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