# Celebration of First Menses



## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

My daughter is almost ten, and already has breast buds and is using deoderant (the deoderant, I think, is more symbolic for her, rather than necessary, but who am I....?).

We have always talked about having a Red Party when she started her bleeding. She is excited about this.

I found this online and thought it was amazing and great:

http://www.celebrategirls.com/kit.html

Anyone out there done something special to honor their daughter's first bleeding?


----------



## stayinghome (Jul 4, 2002)

My daughter just turned 10, and is showing signs too. I plan to get her some piece of red jewelry, take her out of make her a nice dinner, but beyond that I'm not sure? The website you posted looks neat and I'll definately read it.

I do know that it's important to mark the occasion- my mom just acted embarrased, made me feel ashamed, and said under her breath that she had hoped this wouldn't happen for a looooong time.







Talk about crushing my happiness over the event...


----------



## daylily (Dec 1, 2001)

My dd is almost 11 and has been begging me for years to let her get her ears pierced. I thought it might to be nice to allow the ear piercing as a sort of "welcome to womanhood" gift once she gets her first period. I told her about my idea, though, and she was unenthusiastic because she feels it's still a long way until then. She's probably right--I was just short of my 13th birthday when I started menstruation, and dd is very thin and has no early breast development yet.


----------



## lenswyf (Jun 17, 2002)

You could also look at Moon Mother, Moon Daughter. I haven't seen it in person, but it sounds interesting.


----------



## CincoDeMama (Dec 9, 2001)

when dd gets her moon, we're going to get pierced









she wants to have her cartilage done on her left ear & i'll likely have my rook done. we've planned this out for years, and now that the time is coming closer, we talk about it often.

we're going to play hookie from school that day too, going to lunch in a nice restaurant, shopping at victoria's secret for a bra & panties set & we'll get her mom/daughter manicure/pedicures (she's never had either).

on her lightest flow day of her menarche, we're going to have a ritual that will include her closest friend, one of my friends, and myself. we'll wrap her in a red silk scarf & bead a moon necklace for her while telling her of all that's to come.

she'll have the scarf & the necklace afterward, to do with as she wishes. i've also been saving mama cloth pads for her-picking them up here & there for yrs, so i'll give them to her at that time.


----------



## Surviv'n (Apr 19, 2004)

...From a Young Mommy, @ 36 of two gls 18,16 I think it is ultamately important that this day be recognised as a very special day. My husband and I honoured their womenhood with a special meal an intimate card and for both a special book detailing all the changes they would be going through in the yrs to come. We gave a journal for them to keep to write down any thoughts positive or negative, this transition is so very difficult and sometimes they just dont want to come to us for answers. I think that is the hardest part of their changing, their independence from us. I encourage all to put alot of thought in their special day make it as personal as you can. Who knows them better.
God Bless!


----------



## Amandzia (Aug 16, 2003)

I've tried to get dd12 excited about her first period, but she thinks it's gross and won't talk about it. She still hasn't gotten it yet and tells me she won't ever get it as if she can stop it. I saved her imbilical cord so we could bury it when she becomes a woman, but she thinks that's gross too.


----------



## lorijds (Jun 6, 2002)

My dd just turned nine this week, but has had a mild obsession with "becoming a woman" for about a year now. We subscribe to New Moon magazine, so I think that started her thinking a bit ahead of her time. But her thoughts are healthy. A couple of months ago I bought her "The Period Book" and she has it memorized. We have talked about it several times, and she has checked out my pads and my keeper, my bras, and my medical books on reproduction, with me, on her own, and with her friends at a slumber party







:.

The book talks about celebrating, and she asked me if we would do that. I told her I really wanted to, especially since my mother was like HeatherE's mom. When I shared my experience of telling my mom, my daughter was horrified that my mom would act like that. Then, of course, she hasn't grown up in a household where her father can't assault his manhood by even thinking about periods, or where her mom talks about how horrible getting your period and being a woman is. (My mom used to privately call it "the Curse". Nice, huh).

So I think just growing up in a healthier environment has helped alot. Once, when she was digging around in the cupboard and found some pads, I wasn't home, and she asked dh what they were. He told her something about when you become a woman you have this mystical power that causes you to be able to have babies. It also causes you to be in sync with the moon, and during your moon time you bleed a little from your vagina, but that it doesn't hurt, and that is what the magical part is. The pad was for catching the blood. Now, I was like







because I don't refer to it as my moon time, or that it is mystical or anything. I asked him where he got that, and he said "Well, I'm the only guy in the household, and the father of two daughters. I've rehearsed that speech for years. I can't believe I actually got to say it!" What a guy.

Anyhow, I asked her if we should have a party, and she was horrified at the idea. She *is* a very private person, though. She thought that she would like to do something, just the two of us. So I think we might go get a massage together, and then get all fancied up and go to a fancy restaurant in a larger city near us. She doesn't want dh or little sister involved; but I hope I can change her mind. First, I think it would be special to involve her sister; it is a celebration of womanhood, you know, and her little sister is a part of the sisterhood. Also, dh is a great dad, really into being the father to two girls, and I think he would like to be in on some of the celebration. We'll see.

I'm glad dd is into this. I would be disappointed if she didn't want to do anything! But at least you WANT to celebrate it, you know? I mean, I think that is where the healthy happy part comes in; you aren't ashamed of your body or your child's body. They might not feel the same about things as you, or express them the same, but at least they are starting from a safe healthy place. Know what I mean?

Lori


----------



## Colorful~Mama (Feb 20, 2003)

my daughter was 12 when she started finally getting excited ..anxious about becoming a woman. She and I picked out the fabrics she liked for her first set of cloth pads. We talked about a red party, but she wasn't comfortable with that. So instead I got her a big box - inside was her pads, a ditty bag for soiled pads when out, some incense and a holder and a new journal and pen. We lit the insence and talked a little bit. She and I shared a glass of wine togther. It was nice.

She stayed home from school the next day and I took her out for lunch, her gramma then picked her up and took her out for a manicure and spent some time talking with her too about womanhood and her perspective.

She's almost 15 now and just told me this week - 'i HATE having my period. i'm so crampy. ugh. why did i ever want this". LOL. i made her a cup of red raspberry leaf tea and rubbed her back.

lol.


----------



## mumziemoo (May 4, 2004)

My oldest daughter had her first period one week after her 13th birthday. She was having a sleepover at her friend's house (who was staying with her father that night!!!) and she handled it beautifully. I picked her up the next day & she told me - I was horrified, but she reassured me that she was fine, she'd used toilet paper & said nothing to anyone. I gave her a big hug (this was not my picture of how it should all happen!!!) & we talked about getting her ears pierced now, because this is what we had always planned. We'd talked about a party, but she is also a very private person & didn't want that, & I respect that (I think that was more for me because that's what I would have liked







!!!)

I took her to get her ears pierced a couple of months later & it was a very special day for both of us - her emergence into womanhood. She is now 17, in her last year of school, working part time & studying hard - I couldn't be more proud of her!!! I look forward to the time that her baby sister becomes a woman & hopefully we can share with her what we shared together.

Om shanti
Alison

Mother to Kendall, 17, Declan, 14, Eamon, 10, Siobhan, 18 months & my precious Haiku Rose who died of SIDS

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi


----------



## thebirthsource (May 9, 2004)

I'm so glad to see this thread! I'm currently trying to figure out what to do during a menarche class I'd teach for girls and their mom's. I'm a cbe and doula, so I have a few ideas, but what would you personally like to see from a class?
Amy


----------



## mumziemoo (May 4, 2004)

Lots of information about different ways of celebrating & focus on the fact that it is a time to celebrate. Lots of women I know had dreadful experiences because their Mum's were so negative about it. I was lucky in that while Mum wasn't positive, she wasn't negative - just very matter of fact. I think awareness that the girls might find it all a bit much is important too. I sometimes think that we are so focused on our own healing that we can forget that this is about our daughters & they may not want it to be a big deal. Kendall wanted to celebrate, but be discrete about it, so having her ears pierced was perfect - just her & me.

Blessings on you for holding classes. Hopefully with women like you out there doing this, things will slowly change for our daughters & granddaughters.

Om shanti
Alison


----------



## QueeTheBean (Aug 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thebirthsource*
I'm so glad to see this thread! I'm currently trying to figure out what to do during a menarche class I'd teach for girls and their mom's. I'm a cbe and doula, so I have a few ideas, but what would you personally like to see from a class?
Amy

I know that the birth center where I had my DS does a lot of workshops for young girls on this topic. They are at www.thebirthcenter.com
Maybe you want to check it out & email them, too. I think they would be happy to share their ideas--I would think so, anyway!

This is an interesting thread. I am the 4th of 4 girls, and I was so "private" about starting my period, that I didn't tell my mom for months. She finally figured it out. I feel bad about it now that I am a mama. What a strange kid.

So nice that you mamas are recognizing this event!


----------



## Morgraine (Mar 1, 2004)

Wow, I have a baby boy. . . but this was a great thread. Your mothering voices are beautiful! Sometimes friends of mine with older kids get me down with negative talk. As if teens are nothing but a cross to bear. This thread is the magic of parenting that I hope I can conjure within my home and heart in the days and years to come.


----------



## texcalkas (May 12, 2004)

Ladies, I started my periods when I was 10 and would have been absolutely mortified if my mother had had any party, of any sort for me. As it was, the only reason she knew that I had even started was she saw blood on my panties. I remember her bragging to her friends at an Amway party that I was a "woman" now and wishing the floor would open up! When my own daughter starts her periods I will probably be low-key about it.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:

I sometimes think that we are so focused on our own healing that we can forget that this is about our daughters & they may not want it to be a big deal.
Good point. I told her a few months ago I will take her to get her ears pierced. I like the idea of a manicure/pedicure. I know dd would love that.

She's 9 y.o. It's sad and scarey for this mom to think she could get her period any day now. I look at her and it's so obvious, she's still a little girl! Who knows, maybe it will be a few more years. I didn't get mine till I was 13.


----------



## Sumobabe (Aug 17, 2002)

These are all wonderful ideas.

My dd is only 4, so I have a while yet before I have to give this much more than just passing thought, but I do have one question: do any of you have sons, and if so, do you have a plan for marking his passage into manhood? What would you consider a boy's passage into manhood?


----------



## CincoDeMama (Dec 9, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sumobabe*
These are all wonderful ideas.

My dd is only 4, so I have a while yet before I have to give this much more than just passing thought, but I do have one question: do any of you have sons, and if so, do you have a plan for marking his passage into manhood? What would you consider a boy's passage into manhood?

i've got 3 boys (almost 4), who have been molded by society to believe that their strength is earned by good looks & athleticism, and not spiritual/emotional/personal growth.

they know different, due to me, but i don't believe they need a symbolization of change as my daughter needs. my girl needs to hear me welcome her into womynhood & accept her as an equal sister-and this is just not a need of my sons.

there changes are so much different than that of a young womyn's. so subtle, & not at all overnight, as with a moon appearing out of nowhere. my oldest has been in puberty since he was 10-and he's not done-and is now almost 15. still not the deepest his voice will get, and still not fully grown. just starting to shave, and care about hygiene-thank the gawds!!

as i did with my dd, i gave him a book about male bodies changing, and keeping himself healthy, etc. aside from that, he needs much less from me emotionally supporting him as he grows through these changes. a hug from mom will do at the end of the day-as with my dd, she needs talk after talk, after talk









there's a reason why i only have one girl, that's for sure! mine is so incredibly intense, i don't think i have enough left for another one.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Regarding a celebration for boys, at one point I had a more elaborate plan for dd when she got her first menses. I was going to organize a camping trip with just women: me, my sisters, my mother, my nieces. Getting to know my daughter better, I realized this wouldn't appeal to her at all. However, something like that might be appropriate to celebrate for a boy's passage into manhood. A group of men off on a hiking trip, maybe to talk about stories from their childhood. As to when, I dunno. Maybe 13? That's when a bar mitzvah happens, right?

I'm not sure what's entailed in a bar/bat mitzvah, but I've always wondered. I mean, I realize it's when a child takes on adult responsiblity to the commandments. But what are the steps in the process? Any Jewish mama's willing to explain?


----------



## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

journeymom, to be incredibly brief, there are no steps in the process. One day the boy is a boy, with no responsibility/obligation with regard to commandments/mitzvot, and the next day the boy is a little man, and is responsible for and obligated to live with certain guidelines and to perform certain religious rituals. No steps.

If the steps you're talking about involve the big party some folks throw for them, well, that's another story, and is a cultural "let's have a big party" thing, with no religious meaning whatsoever.


----------



## Rainbow (Nov 19, 2001)

I loved reading all of this. I didn't have a mom to talk to, and my dad either didn't care of was in denial. I kept it secret, I enver told anyone I started. I started so young (9)it was hard to find money to get the products I needed. I'm so thankful that we had a drug store right next to our complex.
I've tried to get more comfortable talking about women's bodies and sexuality both- but the truth is, I still feel akward. I don't even know why so many refer to it as "moon". lol! I really hope to find some peace and comfort here so I can pass that to my girls. I have 2.
I also want to reiterate what another poster said about teens. All I hear is "just wait until they are teens" "TWO teen girls will be hell!" awful horrible things, and I want to imagine something better. Something celebritory and magical. Bad times, sure... but a beautiful growth from child to woman.
I really hope I can help them find pride and comfort in their womanhood- I love reading threads like this. Thanks!


----------



## Persephone (Apr 8, 2004)

Rainbow, they call it moontime, because back in the olden times before electricity, women's cycles would go with the moon. You'd ovulate around the full moon, and bleed on the new moon. There's a whole thread about it in the TTC forum. It's really cool. The moon affects the planet's tides, and the moon affects our own tides.


----------



## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

journeymom, a boy becomes bar mitzvah when he is 13 and one day. A girl becomes bat mitzvah when she is 12 and one day. At this point, they are responsible for observing the mitzvot (commandments) in the Torah (Bible). Usually, this is commemorated with the boy (or girl depending on the observance level of the community) being called up to read the Torah. And a big party. Can't forget the party.

I liked the ritual in The Red Tent. I would only do it with my girls, however, if they really wanted it. It's a rather intimate ritual. We've got at least ten years, though, before the older one is ready.


----------



## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *julie128*
I liked the ritual in The Red Tent. I would only do it with my girls, however, if they really wanted it. It's a rather intimate ritual. We've got at least ten years, though, before the older one is ready.


You probably mean excluding the breaking of the hymen portion of the ritual, eh?


----------



## skj474 (Jul 19, 2002)

It was one week after DD 10th Birthday when she started hers, she didn't want anything big, just to be there for her. She is now almost 12 and hanldes is very well


----------



## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife*
You probably mean excluding the breaking of the hymen portion of the ritual, eh?









Nope. Including. I thought that was cool. I could totally imagine being Dina and how wonderful the whole experience would have been.


----------



## rainsmom (Dec 5, 2001)

Dd is only 3 and I already read the book Moon Mothers, Moon Daughters. Great book!


----------



## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

I wouldn't have liked any sort of celebration for my first period. I knew what it was, there it was, and that was that. But people are different. And my mom was wierd about sex and all of that sort of stuff - it's NEVER something she would have done for me.


----------



## birthpartner (Dec 8, 2003)

Anyone out there with a daughter who started late? My daughter will be 15 in September and has not started her cycle yet. I am not as concerned about her not starting as I am about her feeling strange about it. On a recent girl scout camp out, her packing list included pads. She took them along so that the other girls wouldn't find out that she hadn't started yet. She is very flat chested, which bothers her as well. Its hard to try to help her find clothes that fit properly. Junior clothes are needed for size, but are often too big up top, bathing suites are hard as well. She is a good sport about it, but I know it is getting to the point where it hurts her self-esteem. I think she looks at me and wishes she had genes from her Dad's side of the family--LOL I told her when I nursed my babies I almost made it up to a B! Any suggestions?

Carol in Carolina & Frank
Greg 87, Erika 89, Alyssa 92


----------



## Nankay (Jan 24, 2002)

I too would have been MORTIFIED if my mom would have made a big deal of it when I started. (I shudder to think of it now..25 yrs later) As it was I kept it a secret for months. Sooo, I'm wondering how I'm going to handle it when dd starts (she just turned 9) I'm not comfortable with a celebration, but i don't want her to be as mortified as I was.


----------



## New Moon (Aug 4, 2002)

I was definitely shamed and dissapointed by my mother's reaction when I got my first moon. She is just a prude person- I dont think she meant to make me feel bad but I really could have used some uplifting ritual. So I hope my dd will be open to some sort of celebration. Shes only 6 so Ive got a few years (I was 10) at least. I love reading about your ideas thinking to the future.
hugs


----------



## CincoDeMama (Dec 9, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *julie128*
Nope. Including. I thought that was cool. I could totally imagine being Dina and how wonderful the whole experience would have been.


woah, nellie. maybe i should dig out my copy of this & pay closer attn than i did originally? how, exactly would you do this with your own dd? i must be missing something, no?

would another open minded-supah alterna mama shut me up before i start sounding silly?


----------



## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

what a great thread. i still have a long while til my dd gets af, but i'm sure she'll prob get it around when i did at 14. i hope i can help her to see its not that bad since i totally hated gettin af and still do lol


----------



## JayGee (Oct 5, 2002)

My first menses are a sweet memory for me, and I hope to make it the same for my daughter (although that's a long way off at this point). My mom was the school nurse for our district, so teaching health issues was her strong suit. When I was 9 or so we had a special evening together after brother and sister were sleeping where she explained menstruation to me and answered my 4 million questions about it! She was not embarassed, not uncomfortable and very straightforward about it all. She showed me pads and tampons and explained all the physical aspects of it all. Then, when I was 12 and my first period started my family took me out to dinner at the restaurant of my choice and let me order from the adult menu since I was now a "woman". I remember it vividly right down to the light-blue wraparound skirt I picked to wear to that dinner







. What a lovely memory







.


----------



## katzmark04 (Feb 4, 2005)

WOW.. i think that this is awsome.. My DD is only less then a year but i am a teen mother myself who ois looking to have a more natural lifestyle. Anyway i think that you all have amazing bonds with you daughters and that is something i hope to have.

ariel

elle 6/21/04


----------



## our veggie baby (Jan 31, 2005)

Well, I am still pregnant with our first child (a daughter) and I am already thinking about this stuff!!! Not to wish time away or anything, but I like to be prepared, I am weird I know!

My mom didn't make me feel weird at all, but no one was celebrating either....it was presented factually, but not as something beautiful or anything, sort of just like, every woman goes through it, it isn't pleasant but you'll deal with it kind of thing.

I am all for a celebration but I don't know if I would go as far as a hymen breaking ceremony---but more power to whoever is into that---I think it will depend on my daughter though, because let's face it, as cool, and open, and loving, and positive about things you are---sometimes at that age nothing pleases a pubescent adolescent and they still may think you are creepy and weird and silly and embarrassing etc...

I would probably do something like another poster mentioned...a special *woman's* dinner where we talk about things etc, maybe let her enjoy a half a glass of wine or something special, maybe let her take the day off from school to relax and take in everything, buy her a nice blouse or something like that she may want in a more "grown up" style etc--just something to mark the occasion in a positive, healthy way!


----------



## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CincoDeMama*
woah, nellie. maybe i should dig out my copy of this & pay closer attn than i did originally? how, exactly would you do this with your own dd? i must be missing something, no?

would another open minded-supah alterna mama shut me up before i start sounding silly?

In the book they got her drunk and used one of their medal gods. She discribes an orgasm (IMO). There is no way I would do this with my child because I would precieve it as sexual molestaion/violation.

I do plan on doing something for my son. I do wonder if our boys having no marked passage to acknowledge their manhood angers them. Makes them want to "prove" their manhood by acting out.


----------



## SagMom (Jan 15, 2002)

I'm planning on getting my dd a piece of jewelry to mark the day. She's now the age I was when I started my period, though I think it'll be some time yet before she starts. At this point, she's not looking forward to it--thinks the whole bleeding thing is "gross." I would like for it to be celebratory for her--maybe that will come later, when she's grown into her womanhood a bit, I don't know.

My mother gave me little info regarding cycles--though she did the best she could and far, far better than her mother had done. When I got my first period, she insisted that I tell my father. I'm not sure which of us (me or my father) was more embarrassed. It still makes me cringe. For that reason, I don't want to make too big a deal of it if dd isn't comfortable with that--but I do want to do something special with/for her.


----------



## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

I've always thought of doing something really nice and ritual-like for my dd but now I doubt she would have any interest. She is not happy about having to grow up and doesn't like the changes her body is going through. I am going to get her a lovely piece of jewellery from some jewellers we have known for years, but otherwise I am kind of at a loss. I would like it to have some more special-ness than going to Walgreen's for pads, but if that's not what she wants.....

We've subscribed to New Moon for years and she much prefers "Discovery Girls." She says New Moon is too feminist, which remark I found pretty funny.

I kind of hope by the time her period does start she'll be a bit more enthusiastic, for her own sake and so we can do something nice. So I plan to be prepared to do both depending on where she's at when the time comes. We have some very early women in our families, though my mother and I were not (she was late and I was average), so it's hard to say. Her 11 yo cousin started, but she is quite obese and I know that's a factor.


----------



## odenata (Feb 1, 2005)

Quote:

So instead I got her a big box - inside was her pads, a ditty bag for soiled pads when out, some incense and a holder and a new journal and pen. We lit the insence and talked a little bit. She and I shared a glass of wine togther. It was nice.
I think that's great idea for a daughter who is a little more private. I know I wouldn't have wanted anything like a party, but it all depends on personality. I had a box of some supplies and a book that I had in my closet and I liked having it there and feeling prepared (I had also talked about it with my mom and attended a mother/daughter learn about you body thing with her beforehand). When I did get my period, I didn't really want to talk about it with anyone; it felt private, but I remember it as a positive experience.

I love hearing all these ideas, though - it makes me hope my own daughter is less private than I was! :LOL


----------



## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

My Mom was also a school nurse and great at teaching. Luckily, because I started menstruating at 9, before 5th grade health class would have taught that! Even though my Mom was very open, I was a very private person, and didn't tell anyone for over a year. I had to give up the secrecy when we were staying at a motel and I couldn't help myself to pads from Mom's bathroom.

My daughter is so like me. She is 9, and just started. We are very open about these things, but I know she would not have mentioned it to me if I hadn't been out of pads (it really wouldn't have surprised me too much if she had independantly figured out tampons, but I'm glad she was able to ask for pads). I wanted to get all excited and celebratory, but her response was "Pul-ease!".


----------



## fourgrtkidos (Jan 6, 2004)

So cool!


----------



## oddeebean (Feb 11, 2005)

Hee. When I told my mother I got my period she said cool and bought me a Pepsi. That was my party


----------



## veebee (Mar 9, 2002)

My daughter began her moonflow one month ago--at age 10.5.
(My sister and I both started around 13.5).
DD and I were both "ready" in that she has been growing and developing lots over the past 18 months, and we had talked about it, and felt it might happen anytime. We were on our way to her swimming class when she started. Even when I offered her the "out" of skipping swimming, she wanted to get some tampons and go anyway. That night we had an honoring of it at dinner, and I got her a red rose and a bunch of little feminine red things (luckily it was near Valentines Day, so there was lots to choose from!).
I made her pink flannel cloth pads the next day. I have a garnet/rose quartz necklace that I made for myself which I only wear during my flow (kind of like an alert-system for the rest of the family!







). I made her a similar one and presented it to her.
She is totally open about it, talking about it in front of dad and her 7 yr old brothers, asking questions, and generally being self-assured about the whole thing. <whew!!!>
I also gave her the option of the pierced ears, but she is still on the fence.
My mom was open and informative about this sort of stuff, but no celebration. Just a straightforward kind of person.

I hightly recommend "Moon mother moon daughter". I read it about a year ago and it really helped me prepare for this wonderful event.


----------



## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife*
I found this online and thought it was amazing and great:

http://www.celebrategirls.com/kit.html
Anyone out there done something special to honor their daughter's first bleeding?

ooooh- this is SO up my alley and my daughter is only 2. I MUST get back to read all the respones.But check this out:

http://www.laraowen.com/sabbath.html

Excerpt:
In 1986 I met a teacher of the Native American traditions. He taught me that a menstruating woman has the potential to be more psychically and spiritually powerful than anyone, male or female, at any other time. That turned my conditioned pictures of reality upside down. I'd always experienced my period as a time of weakness and difficulty--what on earth was the man talking about?

I'm going to run some kind of dicussion or program about this at a women's retreat. If successful, I'd like to do the same thing for the teenage girls. I'm not quite sure what form it will take though.


----------



## Karina2 (Sep 4, 2005)

I know when I started I would not like a huge ceramony or party. I just got red earrings and a trip to the movies. But I guess I will ask my girls if they want to make a big deal out of it or not. If they want a celebration.........I have so many ideas, but if not I will respect their wishes and just buy them something nice and try to help them with any problem they have with it


----------



## Karina2 (Sep 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife*
You probably mean excluding the breaking of the hymen portion of the ritual, eh?









Would someone tell me what that ritual is??I have heard of the book actually but what is the ritual???


----------



## FrizZ (Sep 9, 2005)

My daughter was 9 when she started growing breast buds. I took her off of commercial milk (switched to a milk without hormones or antibiotics) and her buds dissappeared. She is 11 now and has natural (her own hormones causing them not artificial from cow's milk with additives) breast buds. When she started growing breasts this second time, I bought her a couple of training bras, one really nice and lacy in her favotire color. She already has 3 different types of deodorant, and sometimes needs it.  She has read several books on womanhood and what to expect from many different viewpoints. I made sure that she knows that a lot of people are uncomfortable talking about it, and that in the past it was very common for a woman to think of her private area and sexuaity as dirty or disgusting, and some people sadly still do.

I have also started a wemooning box for her. She knows about the box, but not what is in it. I don't let my girls play with makeup, and when they start getting buds, they can use clear lip gloss and nail polish only. When she becomes a woman she will be allowed colored makeup, and we will go to a friend's house to get a mary-kay makeover (free) and buy her some colored makeup. We (DH & I, she has no clue) are also planning a big fancy dress-up dinner at a local seafood resturant where she will get her very own lobster tail. *smile* (she's never had lobster before, but loves seafood) We will talk about the water in the ocean being affected by the moon, and her new connection to the earth and sky. I will give her her wemooning box as well on this day, and she will likely call everyone in the family to brag. *blush*

In her wemooning box (a large, plain wooden box) right now is:
*A list of websites for budding women printed on fancy paper (including beinggirl.com which is by a pad/tampon company and advertises makeup, but is still a great site nonetheless.)
*A small box of disposable panty-liners
*A carrying case for small tampons, full of the tiniest they make (holds 3 discreetly)
*2 tubes colored roll-on glitter
*3 small colored nail polishes
*2 large disposable pads
*2 meduim disposable pads
*A wood-burning kit, ladybug stencils, paint, & brushes (for decorating the box so she can pass it down to her children)
*2 containers lightly-colored glitter lip gloss
*2 new unfolded cloth diapers (great for travel showers, cleaning house, using as a headband or emergency pad, etc)
I also plan to put in there a couple dozen hand-made cloth pads, same amount of cloth panty-liners, a home-made fancy-paper one-use, no expiration, coupon book (for things like buying condoms, washing your laundry, doing one of your chores for you, an extra hour of computer time, a backrub, I won't ask just this once, etc in it)and a new journal with a fancy pen.

My mother was very matter-of-fact about bleeding, we had no celebration, it was just "well, let's go buy you some things then". I want more for my girls.

----------------------------------------------









As for boys, There is a ceremony held by a local pagan group in my area every year at their yearly campout for all boys who aged to 13 in the past year. The men all go out together for 4 hours with the boys and talk to them about what is expected of them as a man, what they should expect, and proper behaviors, etc. When they come back, there is a huge feast, dancing, drumming and a grand bonfire. The boys are crowned with grasses by the girls who have come of age (and spent some of those 4 hours making the crowns).

I don't have any boys, but If I did, I would probably make a gift box for them as well containing things like a journal, a how-to book about sex, a coupon book, a make-your-own cologne kit containing their favorite scents and bottles, the box-decoration kit (with their favorite thing as a stencil), A list of websites for newly-matured men. and of course, 2 new diapers.  I would probably also wait until 6 months after their 13th birthday so the day would be special.

---------------------------------------------------









Either way, when a child reaches adulthood, they gain the benifits and responsibilities of being an adult. In my home, the aquire bills (in direct proportion to their income, and which go into a special savings account/buy bonds for when they move out of the house/turn 18), gain an additional small chore or two, are allowed to leave to approved places an simply leave a note (as opposed to having to ask for permission), get a phone in their room, and get to stay up one hour later than usual.

I know, I type too much sometimes


----------

