# Children in gay relationships?



## motherof2 (Mar 30, 2004)

How do you feel on having children involve in a gay relationship?


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## PurpleBasil (Jan 28, 2004)

I feel really, really good about kids having gay relationships. Just as I feel great about kids having gayly forward relationships.


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Do you mean, should gay couples have kids? That would depend on the couple.

Some hetero couples should not have kids.

If the kids are wanted and loved and provided for, yes.


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## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


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## motherof2 (Mar 30, 2004)

Sorry ladies for the misunderstanding my question was directed in the sense of "Should a gay couple have children"? Once again I apologize for the confusion.


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

Why not?

Two parents means two pairs of hands for holding and nurturing. Two parents means they can spell each other when the going gets tough.

Love is love, no matter what the shape of the skin and bones.









Love is love no matter how many parents, one or two, are in the home too.


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## MaShroom (Jan 25, 2003)

i'm supportive of anyone who wants to have a child who will give it the love, attention, and care that the child needs and deserves. period.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

should heterosexuals have children?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Heterosexuals who choose to have children should undergo a psychological evaluation first, since they are statistically most likely to molest children. Once it has been determined they are safe, they also need a physical exam to rule out any of the nasty diseases that heterosexuals often get, like herpes, gonorrhea and AIDS. They need to be told that they can't attempt to force their lifestyle on their children, their neighbors, or anyone else in the community, although this is useless because most heteros will do it anyway.

All that aside, my only worry about gays raising kids is that gay people are often the victims of assault or murder.


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## lotusdebi (Aug 29, 2002)

:LOL


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I'm in favor. As is my dp, our fetal addition and our 3 year old. Wouldn't have missed it for the world.


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## DreamerMama (Feb 2, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Arduinna_
*should heterosexuals have children?*
No. Most of them should not be reproducing at all.


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## PurpleBasil (Jan 28, 2004)

Greaseball! Yes!! Love your post.

:LOL


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## dado (Dec 31, 2002)

should black people have children? it's the same question, really...


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

I think queer parenting is great.


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## motherof2 (Mar 30, 2004)

dado- No it's not the same thing. I didn't mean to offend anyone it was just a question. Children are influenced very easily and I feel that they shouldn't have kids.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I'm one of "they." You don't get to decide.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

yes, with all due respect, who put you in charge of deciding??

I suppose if queer people decided that you heteros shouldn't have kids that would be fine by you??


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

Children are influenced very easily and I feel that they shouldn't have kids.
I totally agree. They should wait until they are adult.









Since it has been proven that gays are born, not made, then no amount of influencing will make a straight child turn into a gay adult.

And also, if it were possible to influence a child's orientation by what orientation the parents are, surely there would be no gays, as the vast majority of parents are straight?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

How, then, does one explain the children who are raised by gay people and then don't become gay themselves? Or the children who are raised by heteros and then become gay? Or children raised by musicians who become lawyers?


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## motherof2 (Mar 30, 2004)

ok I totally understand where all of you are coming from. I based my thoughts on one person I know who grew up with gay parents and had a very hard time as a child. Being teased and taughted as if it were she who was gay. Chfriend, I'm so sorry!! Please accept my apology. Now that I've heard your comments, I've changed my way of seeing because your right children can't pick there parents. Just be happy you have people who love and accept you for who you are. Thank You, for allowing me to see the truth and once again I'm sorry.


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## dado (Dec 31, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by motherof2_
*dado- No it's not the same thing.*
ok. how is it not the same thing? gay -> defined by biology. black -> defined by biology.

so what's the difference?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

It's true that children of gay parents are horribly teased, but so are almost all children. If that child were suddenly adopted by straight people, the kids at school are not going to say "Oh, sorry we teased you. We see now that we were wrong." They'll just find something else to tease her about.

Parents make all sorts of stupid decisions in the name of not wanting their kids to be teased. Circumcision comes to mind.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Motherof2,

Apology accepted. Hang around here. There are smart loving moms/dads/wanna be parents who care so much for their families they could just pop.

I've learned a lot. I bet you do too


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

what's with the blaming the victim mentality anyway? the people with homophobia are the problem. Not queer people having children. because some people are racist do we not allow people of different races to marry and have children?








:


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## dado (Dec 31, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Arduinna_
*do we not allow people of different races to marry and have children?
*
that's exactly what happened in the "good old america" so many neo-cons are pining for. it's only been in the last couple of generation such marriages became legal in all 50 states.


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## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by motherof2_
*Children are influenced very easily and I feel that they shouldn't have kids.*
I'm all for the kind of influence that comes from a loving, committed couple choosing to share their lives with a child. But what does being gay have to do with anything?


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## PurpleBasil (Jan 28, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by motherof2_
*Thank You, for allowing me to see the truth and once again I'm sorry.*
Wow, speaking of 'easily influenced' that was a fast change of opinion.

But whatever. Glad that yes, the truth is recognized now.


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

No, not all children are teased anywhere near as badly as those whose parent(s) are gay. I remember in the news a while back, a little boy in New York who was beaten to death by his schoolmates after his mother was shown on the evening news marching in a gay rights rally.

After my parents divorced, my mother told her single parent support group about my father's homosexuality. As a result of this, none of the other kids were allowed to play with me. It didn't matter that he lived hundreds of miles away, in a different state. It was terribly traumatic, on top of all the other trauma in my life. And I didn't even know what the word "gay" meant, other than it was the absolute worst thing you could call a person.

So my examples are outdated. The first one happened in the early nineties. The second one was in the mid-seventies. I don't think times have changed all that much, though, to be honest about it. And I don't think people take those sort of things into account when they decide to try to bring life into the world, whether they are gay or straight.

But does this mean that gay people shouldn't have kids? I don't think so. Being straight doesn't automatically make a person a better parent. And if my gay father had no kids, I wouldn't be here to chime in with my 2cents! It isn't my decision to make, anyway - thank goodness!


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## Meiri (Aug 31, 2002)

And I was teased until I spent evenings crying on mom's lap and contemplating the idea of suicide.

With straight parents...

Teasing is not a reason to forbid anyone from having kids. It is a reason to educate kids before they learn ugliness, to teach acceptance, to prosecute the abusers.

Children are indeed easily influenced. We all need to set Loving examples.

And every gay person I've ever met had straight parents! So much for "influence".







:


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Before "science", I guess it was impossible for gays to have biological children. So I guess it's not "natural" in that sense...

but most of our world is not "natural". There are millions of unwanted children who need love and care. There are also gays and lesbians who, like the rest of us, take advantage of the miracle of science and have their own kids. Who am I to judge them as I sit on my computer and shop at the grocery store and drive my minivan?


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

All the gay people I know who have children got those children from former hetero relationships (back when they were confused and experimenting!) and not from science. So I'd guess that gay parenting has always been around.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Let me amplify my answer. My ex boyfriend and his partner are great parents. I love them both. Ha dthey asked me I would have joyfully given them eggs and would have seriously considered offering them the use of my womb. They have two adorable daughters who are surrounded by love and warmth. Kids can't ask for much more.


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## muse (Apr 17, 2002)

My idealist answer: luckily more and more gay couples are choosing to have kids. therefore it will slowly become less taboo and there will be more support networks for kids of gay couples.

My realist answer: sadly we live in a world fulled with hate and prejudice. that doesn't mean we let that win. but it does mean many kids will have a rough time. i know many lesbian couples who want to have children but are choosing to move to particular safe communities to do so. it's not just the kids that can be a target.


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## mplsmom (May 14, 2002)

I have worked for the past 7 years as a pediatric nurse, and as a neonatal nurse. I see families in periods of crisis, and it time of joy. Gay and lesbian parents are among the best!!
The children of lesbians and gays are chosen, not acidents. Every child is a wanted child, unlike many of the children of hetero parents.
Here is a website of an adult hetero woman who was raised by her gay dad http://familieslikemine.org/.
by the way, I am the proud mom of a 3 yo DD who is smart, well behaved, loving, and bring a smile to everyone she meets. Her two moms are very proud of her.

Kirsten


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

Quote:

I guess it was impossible for gays to have biological children
Oh, now! Really.







:
Gay people have been on this planet, and have been reproducing with members of the opposite sex, for as long as there have been humans walking erect.
What would make anyone think it's something new? It's been going on forever, and will continue to happen regardless of any silly debate over the issue. What is new, is that people are coming out of the closet and admitting things that before were kept in private. You hear about it on the news, on the internet, on the radio, when before nobody dared talk aloud about such things.


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## jannan (Oct 30, 2002)

as a teacher i've seen good gay parents and gay parents who could use parenting classes. and the same goes for hetero parents. but i'll say i've never seen abuse from gay parents.

all cases i've reported to cps have been hetero

peace,jannan


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## daria (Feb 11, 2003)

I had an experience similar to stafl's--my mother divorced my father when I was around 11 and came out as a lesbian when I was about 14 (late 80s). I mean she put bumper stickers on her car and became editor of the local gay newspaper and was very public about it. It was a bad experience for me--I was taunted at school, ostracized and humiliated at my job (Burger King), and never asked to babysit again by any of the families in my neighborhood. It seriously sucked. I think my mother was very insensitive to how her choice to be so public at that point affected me. But you know what, she was a crappy parent long before she was a gay parent, so I don't feel the two are related.

My mother has 5 children who have all married opposite-sex partners (some of us more than once, LOL) so the theory that gay parents make gay children doesn't hold true for me. But when you think about it, that theory is kind of offensive anyway, given that it presumes that having a child grow up to be gay would be a bad thing.

So in case it's not obvious, I think gay people are just as entitled as straights to want to have children. Beyond the act of conception, being a parent really has very little to do with sex.


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## brandywine (Mar 25, 2004)

I'm very much against trying to control the lives of gays or anybody else. I was partly raised by a lesbian who was in the closet. It wasn't good. It was all the stuff that scares people about gays as parents-she dressed me like a boy, kept my hair short agaist my will, introduced ideas of sexuality (and homosexuality) at a very early age..........I think she was a bad parent to me. Now she is in a loving, commited relationship with a wonderful woman and they are raising a daughter together. They are such a functional family, its hard for me to believe she's the same woman! I think in this one situation, her struggle against her sexual orientation caused problems for us all. Now that she had come out, she is a very good parent. My experience has led me to believe that the persecution of gays in our society is what causes problems for their children. Whether or not a gay couple (or single!) has children is up to them. Want to make life better for children of gays? BE NICE. And teach your kids to be nice too.


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## shine (Nov 20, 2001)

I want you to know that I love you.


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## shine (Nov 20, 2001)

Daria--
Thank you for bringing reality into the conversation. It's one thing for us to theorize, it's another to hear from someone who has some experience with the situation. And I agree with you 100% -- people are either good parents or crappy parents and sexual orientation just isn't part of that equation.


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