# 'Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death'



## ThirdEyeMom (Dec 27, 2008)

I listen to National Public Radio nearly everyday. Today there was a wonderful discussion with the parents of a stillborn child and how they cope entitled *"Parents of Stillborn Find Joy in Grief".* On this NPR page it begins:
"Stillbirths are more common than SIDS or Downs Syndrome, perhaps few expectant parents are as fully aware of its risks. Washington Post reporter Alan Goldenbach and Sherokee Ilse author of _Empty Arms: Coping with Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death,_ tell their stories of losing a child at birth and ways to cope with the undying grief."

During their research, these parents learned that stillbirths are more common than we are led to believe, or discussed during pregnancy as a possible outcome, and little research is done to understand this late term occurence.

At the top of the NPR page you can click on "Listen To the Story", the 13 minute program with the parents/author.

I started this thread to bring this story and the author's book to the attention of those parents who suffer with the loss and grief of losing a child to stillbirth, and for those who's nearly lost their child at birth. In my own life, my aunt and uncle had a stillborn son who was whisked away and they never saw him. My own grand-daughter was near death at her birth. Had more time lingered, she would not be here today. I feel the grief for all parents who have lost a child. I hope this NPR excerpt and the book aid and helps support those parents who have experienced this life event.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Thank you for the link.

I like the beginning where the interviewer starts the story with "I'm very sorry." And the father says, "thank you, that's more than what some other people say."


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Thank you for sharing this!
I think it is so important for stillbirth to be talked about
and recognized for how often it happens, and how little
research, really, has been done so far.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

Thank you for the link. I think it's really good to hear people talking about it and not pretending that this doesn't happen.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

People have been very hush-hush and walking on eggshells around me since my miscarriage, and it makes me so angry. They don't know whether to tell me that they know, or what to say, or anything really. I feel like a broken record saying "I really just want people to know what's going on with us and I think it's a good thing to talk about."

The saddest thing is the women who come up to me with tears in their eyes saying that it happened to them, but they never had the courage to say anything to anyone and they still haven't healed. What does it say about a society where we can publicly grieve over our pets but not over our own children?

I'm so glad NPR interviewed that couple. It needs to be spoken about.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so glad to hear this being talked about.


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## ThirdEyeMom (Dec 27, 2008)

P. S. The father, Alan Goldenbach, who speaks in the interview, wrote this article mentioned in the interview, "Stillbirth: Handling the Tragedy and Raising Awareness". You can also find a link on the site.

It maddens me that the medical community does not discuss this with parents. (I am wondering if these topics were discussed more in the past and we've vered away from it. There was a time when women didn't announce pregnancy until after the third month, and baby movement was always told to mom's to observe.)


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ThirdEyeMom* 
P. S. The father, Alan Goldenbach, who speaks in the interview, wrote this article mentioned in the interview, "Stillbirth: Handling the Tragedy and Raising Awareness". You can also find a link on the site.

It maddens me that the medical community does not discuss this with parents. (I am wondering if these topics were discussed more in the past and we've vered away from it. There was a time when women didn't announce pregnancy until after the third month, and baby movement was always told to mom's to observe.)

Yeah, one of my questions was featured in a "chat" with Alan recently. Kinda cool. I heard this NPR show, actually, DH was listening on his way home from work tonight and called to tell me to turn it on.

I, too, was amazed by the stats. And unfortunately, it took me losing my baby to stillbirth to learn them.

Now I know them by heart.







:


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