# Parents of 3 yr. olds, post here (support thread)!



## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

Since I've been having trouble with my 3yo, I've noticed quite a few others in the same boat, so maybe, as someone else pointed out, we should have a support thread.

My own DS turned 3 in Sept., and since he has been very diplomatically described as "tenacious" by his teacher last year. He had a few problems last year in his montessori preschool, but he has been increasingly engaging in power struggles to the point where his new classroom teacher (and the school director) are basically telling us to shape up or ship out. We're not sure what to do, but I'm doing my research on how to effectively deal with him while keeping in mind that I may have to find a new preschool or caretaker soon (I"m due with #2 in mid-April).

Please share your 3 yo issues!


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## flowmom (Feb 3, 2004)

I just want to say that it does get easier after they get past the 3.5-4.5 yo stage IME







:. Not looking forward to going through it the second time







:.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Oh my word.

I was just talking about this with my very close friend who is another mdc mama of a 3 year old. DD will be 3.5 in December and wow is this the hardest age EVER.

Here I was thinking being a mama of a newborn was hard.. HA HA. That was a walk in the park compared to this age. Just demanding, whiny, OCD-like tendencies, out of this world tantrums, controlling, easily dissatisfied, etc -- I miss my sweet, loving child who I felt so connected to







I feel like sometimes I am hanging on for dear life from one loving moment to the next to prevent myself from going all punitive.

Can you tell it has been a rough day?









I mean, sometimes she can just be an absolute joy and of course I love her more than life itself, but other times I feel like screaming WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU... JUST STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. I don't of course, but I am screaming it on this inside as I struggle to remain patient and calm on the outside.

I hope this passes soon and I get my child back


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Just chimming in to say that our DS is 3 years and 2 months and WOW, what a change we have experienced recently.

Up until recently, I have now realized, we were living in a (likely atypical) dream world.

Our challenges right now are:

He has to do things on his terms ALL THE TIME and it doesn't matter what it is, it is his way or no way.

Sort of related to above, there is absolutely no sharing - it is me, me, me!

When we set boundaries we get "I dont like you or I don't love you anymore" I thought this wasn't suppose to happen until the teen years?!?!


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

I am really struggling with this age, and struggling with my own reactions to ds's behavior. It's really hard to explain to others (without 3-yr-olds) what makes the days so difficult. It's like every single thing you do during the day is questioned, challenged, rejected, changed slightly, subjected to complaints or whining...after a while you just feel sort of worthless, from being pushed around all day. At the end of the day, I just wish I could hear ds say, "ok, Mom" to something, anything.

I am really struggling not to just lose it and start yelling. I always thought I was a pretty patient person, and I was really patient during the "terrible twos" but I am really losing my patience. We have a new baby, and I think the sleep deprivation is contributing. I think I need to think of some things to do when I'm at the end of my patience--leave the room, start vacuuming (as someone suggested on another thread), what else?

Had to take a break from typing because ds told me he just wet his pants. Why can he tell me that, but he can't just tell me when he needs to go to the potty?! We're lucky, the potty problems could be worse, but I'm tired of him wetting his pants every day. He won't tell me he needs to go, and then if I try to walk him over to the potty at regular intervals, he kicks and yells.

Oh, man, I am just burned out! It does help to have somewhere to vent.


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## sacredmama (Dec 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ksenia* 
I just want to say that it does get easier after they get past the 3.5-4.5 yo stage IME


NOooooooooooo. I was hoping that when DS turns 4 in Dec. it will be better.

For me the issues are the bossiness and all.the.time defiance.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

I have yelled, really yelled a few times and thought, OMG I sound just like my mother. not a good feeling.

I am part way thru Playful Parenting and some of the things mentioned in the book are working for us.

Potty? Ha! What is a potty? All summer DS would go in the morning, at daycare and whenever we were not at home. We were just on the cusp of getting things moving at home..

Now, nothing. He could care less if his pants are wet. Tells me he doesn't need to pee than seconds later crawls up on the couch and pees everywhere and so on. V. frustrating.


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

Great to hear from others with difficult 3 y.o.s. I'm glad we are all in good company with our problems. I don't have any answers, but just know you're not alone in your struggle!


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## MrsAprilMay (Jul 7, 2007)

All those people who say terrible 2s...they just stopped paying attention at 3.

DD threw a screaming/hitting/kicking fit at Grandpa's today because I told her she couldn't have juice and offered her water. After struggling to get her shoes on and taking her outside it was like she was released. She turned around, smiled and asked if she could pick up a pinecone to take home.







Then she went back in to tell Grandpa sorry for hurting his ears and give him a hug goodbye. She's so sweet, smart and funny







: but when she's displeased...watch out!


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## jaxinsmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:

It's really hard to explain to others (without 3-yr-olds) what makes the days so difficult. It's like every single thing you do during the day is questioned, challenged, rejected, changed slightly, subjected to complaints or whining...after a while you just feel sort of worthless, from being pushed around all day. At the end of the day, I just wish I could hear ds say, "ok, Mom" to something, anything.

This is what I try to explain the dp. It can be soooooooooooooooo exausting dealing with ds all day.

Today I decided to go to this indoor playground that we used to go to. We went for three hours -- he made friends and ran around the entire time, and dd (9months) had a blast in the baby section.

Then, during dinner ds says to me "I love you mom." I said "I love you too, boo". Then he says "you didn't get angry with me today, mom. I had lots of fun at cosmic adventure!"









Made me realize he needs to do SOMETHING to get that energy out.

Needless to say we now have a 1 year membership to Cosmic Adventure


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## aylaelise (Mar 23, 2008)

Bedtime has been terrible for the past month or so. We do it everyday, how is this questionable.

Everything is "no", I used to be able to convince her and give choices was an easy answer now its "I don't want to do anything" (talking about the choices I gave her).

Food is always "I want something else". This is before she even knows what we're having.

I need to learn to let things go....do I ignore her when she goes on and on??? I always acknowledge how she is feeling but it could go on and on forever.


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## Hokulele (Mar 2, 2005)

nak but







:


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## marieangela (Apr 15, 2003)

Ds1 was an super easy child until he hit 3.5 or 4 years old. Ds2, on the other hand, started to make life interesting (to say the least!) as soon as he started to walk/run/climb all at the same time. Right now ds1 is approaching age 6, ds2 turned 3 in the end of August and I'm pregnant with my third child. It is a rough time for me. My 3 year old is indredibly strong-willed and stubborn. Ever since Halloween he has been having fits almost every mornign because he wants candy. The candy is "all gone" now and he finds other things to ask for before breakfast (like popsicles) and continues to ask about candy. As far as potty learning goes, he recently went from often peeing and never pooping on the potty to always pooping and rarely peeing on the potty. Some day we'll get both down pat. I don't push it too much and thankfully his preschool is okay with him wearing pull-ups. The hardest part is the interaction between ds1 and ds2 when ds1 isn't in school. Ds1 tends to instigate and get ds2 to act crazy, then ds2 hurts ds1 and ds1 comes running to tell on him. We have been playing at the playground after school at ds1's school whenever the weather is decent and ds2 is already known and quite involved with all of the boys from ds1's class that play on the playground. They play very rough and ds2 has been knocked down by kids that are twice his size more than a few times. It doesn't help that my patience is not what it used to be and I get irritated rather easily these days. I hope it's just the pregnancy hormones!


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## jacob'smom (Jun 12, 2008)

Thanks for this thread! I think my son has forgotton how to say "yes" or "ok". Everything is "NO!" and that's if we are lucky and its not a tantrum. I have been praising even tiny shreds of good behavior even though I feel crazy for saying things like "thanks for looking at me when I'm talking to you" (which is rare). The only thing that has seemed to work consistently is a behavior chart. He loves getting prizes at the end of the day.


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

*aylaelise and jacob'smom* My DS says "no" so much that he sometimes mistakenly says "no" to things he actually would like to have.

*marieangela* Yes, we've been having candy battles also. He wants skittles for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, etc. The pregnancy hormones are really making me lose my patience with DS. I think I would definitely need a straight jacket if I had another child to deal with right now.

*jaxinsmom* I wish I had the energy to drag DS and myself out the door, I'm sure he would love something like that.

*mrsaprilmay* Oh, the meltdowns can be sooo embarrassing! I always imagine what a brat people think DS (and a lousy parent I am) when he does that.

*Parents dealing with potty issues* I think there is some kind of link between highly intelligent parents and kids who really struggle with potty training. Some of our very smartest friends (IMHO) have the worst time getting their kids out of diapers. Hang in there!

I just ordered some books to help me deal with DS. One of them was a book in the STEP series that I only ordered to appease DS's preschool teachers (and their overly simplistic advice), and one, entitled "The Difficult Child" because the reviews looked like something more useful for our situation. I'll let you all know if they are helpful.


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

Things have changed quite a bit over here too. Two was nothing. Two was easy. This constant challenging, saying no with attitude, clinging, refusing to grant me some space, etc that has started to occur is much harder!!! And the asking for something but then not wanting it when it's given has started to happen too. Yesterday was great though. We were out at a park for over two hours, digging, climbing, running, getting covered with dirt. It was awesome for ds and me too to just be out of the house. He was so chill the rest of the day!!! I think that is the key. He needs to get that energy out and just get muddy. Also, I took some rescue remedy in the morning and that seemed to help also.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Another thing I noticed with DS is his new need/desire to be on me all the time.

Not nice cuddling on the couch or sitting on my lap at the table, oh no, he wants to be ON me like trying to sit on my head, laying on top of me in bed, crawling up, over and down me when we are playing on the floor.

The bone on bone (think 3yo elbow bon rubbing on your skull over and over again) drives me absolutely bats.

On a positve note, I am just tickled with his mental and verbal development, it is so interesting to talk to him and hear his stories and memories. Remember when...conversations are important to him and I am amazed at the small details he has remembered from events that took place months ago.


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## jacob'smom (Jun 12, 2008)

Caneel, thanks for reminding me of the good stuff. I'm also really intrigued that DS remembers so much.and he really does have such a kind spirit. I think that's why its so baffling when he becomes so beastly for no reason I can fathom. I'm going to try some first thing in the morning outdoor play tomorrow and are if that makes a difference.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Count me in.









I was flipping through Parenting Power yesterday... I actually hate most of this book, but the section explaining 3 year olds was pretty good. I don't recommend buying the whole book but if you see it in a bookstore read that section; it's been sort of grounding. One thing it talks about is the emerging sense of self and how every little thing threatens that in their minds. Like does anyone else's 3 freak out about every little booboo or bump? He talks about that and how it messes with their sense of their body. And how they're clumsy because they're trying to coordinate all these different processes that they used to just do individually. Pretty cool stuff.


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

Curious...is anyone else's 3 YO scared of being alone in a room/dark? Today I was nursing my little one in the bedroom while ds ate some cake in the kitchen. All of a sudden he started calling for me, saying he needed some love. Sweet. Well, I told him I would be there asap. He starts to freak out, cry, and throw his bowl of food on the floor. I run in, meanwhile the babe is crying because ds1 is crying, etc. Ds1 was scared to be alone he says, hence the freakout. This is so not the first time. He will not play alone in another room because he hears people talking in the ceiling he says, or he hears a loud noise. I always want to validate his exp. since I can sense energies too but I really wonder if he just wants to be near me all.the.time. Anyone?


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## Surfer Rosa (Jun 3, 2005)

Interesting about the clumsiness-we've noticed lately that DDs been kind of spazzy!

DD turned 3 in August and has been fairly exhausting since about 34 months. She has always been high energy, and her mood is just always overwhelming-ie. if something is kind of frustrating for her, her reaction is incredibly dramatic...and then five minutes later, she's smiles and sunshine. It is exhausting! I find she is either totally independent (goes to the toilet herself, gets dressed, cleans up, will fetch things for me...) or wants to carried around, fed, dressed. I know some of this is because of her new brother (2.5 mos), so I'm hoping it'll even out.

I feel like it's a taste of the teenage years-irrational, demanding, overwhelming...I try to remember the sweet and funny moments...serenity now, serenity now....lol. There are some really great things too-lke DDs imagination has really taken off and it's so cool to see what she comes up with.


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## mama naturale (Aug 6, 2006)

Lots of crying from my three year old. He has started saying up late again.
Could it just be tiredness?


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## allgirls (Apr 16, 2004)

I am on my 4th three year old and I came looking for a thread.

I hear ya! And it's all developmental, better or worse to deal with depending on their temperament but yeah, 3 is very very hard!

From 9 months to almost three I spent just trying to keep my littlest one alive..now she's pretty much stopped all the death-defying stuff and is focussing on driving me completely and utterly around the bend.

And the hardest part...she's so freakin' cute...I want to squish her with hugs one minute and just squish her the next.

But it does pass. Punishment doesn't work. Boundaries don't work. Hugs, playfulness, fun, nature, reading to them, involving them in your day etc. helps but the only thing that works is time.

So she just turned 3 in October. I'm pulling up a chair. I'm here for a year or so!


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## jacob'smom (Jun 12, 2008)

Yes! My ds is all of a sudden completely freaked to be by himself. He won't play in his room, and if I have to leave him alone for even a minute he starts to cry and say he's lonely. I feel sad for him but sometimes I have to go pee, you know!


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## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

hello all! we are experiencing many of the same challenges over here as well. my quiet, sweet little babe has turned into this demanding, loud, OCD, child who i find challenging on many days. her latest thing is whenever anyone who was visiting is leaving, she has to have hugs and kisses. not a big deal, but before she even asks she starts panicking that she won't get them. so we have to go through the routine, "use your nice words please and gentle voice to ask", still freaking out..."take a deep breath and then ask again", etc.. we got through this for a few moments until she finally realizes that no one is going to forget her hugs and kisses. after she is given many hugs and kisses, we have to walk out the front gate and stand in a certain spot while we watch the car drive out of site.







if i move from that spot she gets mad.

i seriously started to worry that something was wrong with her until i talked with a couple other moms whose 3 year olds are exhibiting similar behavior. before about 3 months ago, she was so quiet and easy going. but now that i know it is normal i don't worry and just try to remain calm within myself. my oldest dd was "spirited" from the get go and is only now just settling down, she's 5 and a half. so there is a light at the end of the tunnel!


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

Hello brave parents!

I was thinking about DS's behavior and when the stuff at school started getting bad and decided that I need to try to re-institute his early afternoon nap. I KNOW he is overtired b/c he falls asleep at the table about 4:30 or 5 (while he is chewing food!!). If I try putting him to bed then, most often he wakes up after a couple of hours and we're up until almost midnight getting him to bed. Wish me luck!


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## apriljoy (Sep 22, 2005)

We're there, too. It amazes me how quickly he can go from sweet, cooperative, make-my-heart-melt darling to defiant little monster. I agree w/pp...it's the constant challenges, the refusal to get along, that makes this stage so exhausting. I think I've only recently come to understand the true meaning of the phrase, "hard to get along with." Because sometimes, even though I'm 100% open to whatever it is he wants to do, he still finds some way to make it into a battle.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
Another thing I noticed with DS is his new need/desire to be on me all the time.

See, this is interesting. I've just realized (after reading through all these posts) that one of the craziest "symptoms" of being 3 (I like to think of it as an illness!) is this combination of (a) insistent independence, in which I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING for him at risk of a major meltdown, and (b) clinginess, fear of empty rooms, need for bodily contact. ds has developed a fear of going to his room alone, or going potty by himself, even though he's been doing these things for months--he says the "baboons" are going to get him







:

Anyway, I think this is interesting. Clearly being independent is both something to be desired (even fought for), but pretty scary at the same time.

But yeah--we're struggling here too. Lucky for them they're so cute, right?


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## leerypolyp (Feb 22, 2005)

Can I just come sit with you guys for a while and not talk?









ah. I'll post more when I'm feeling up to it.


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## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

yes you can!









today is a very whiney day. everything she says is whining or yelling...i'm just gritting my teeth and trying to maintain a sense of calm so i don't lose it with her. she can be the sweetest little thing, giving me hugs and kisses. but oh goodness, don't tell her we are out of blueberries!







:


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
Another thing I noticed with DS is his new need/desire to be on me all the time.

Not nice cuddling on the couch or sitting on my lap at the table, oh no, he wants to be ON me like trying to sit on my head, laying on top of me in bed, crawling up, over and down me when we are playing on the floor.

The bone on bone (think 3yo elbow bon rubbing on your skull over and over again) drives me absolutely bats.

On a positve note, I am just tickled with his mental and verbal development, it is so interesting to talk to him and hear his stories and memories. Remember when...conversations are important to him and I am amazed at the small details he has remembered from events that took place months ago.

Wow, this is my child to a tee right now. Amazing.

Today was a lot better thank God. Seriously, I need these good days to cling to when I feel like every.single.thing. is defied.

That is the hardest part I think. Like, I can understand a child not wanting to do X, Y or Z -- but when I am actually cooperating with you, I am giving you what you say you want, I am trying to empathize, accommodate, whatever -- and you are *still* whining, carrying on, telling me what to say or not say, how to say it, how to or not to do it









Today was good though so I am extremely thankful for that.


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## BonMaman (Sep 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leerypolyp* 
Can I just come sit with you guys for a while and not talk?









ah. I'll post more when I'm feeling up to it.

This is me today, too.


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## MCR (Nov 20, 2001)

Ugh, three year olds.
I was starting to think there was something not quite right with my 3yo Dd. I asked about it in parenting and was directed here. Turns out she's doing all the same kind of thing all the other 3's are up to. Makes me feel better, thank you all.
Still frustrating though.
It's been so long since I had a normal three, Ds was is 20 and Ds 2 (who never went through terrible anything) is 14. SO I'm guess I'm way out of practice.
My only concern is that she spins, fast enough to make herself dizzy then goes right to bed and sleeps (the bed and sleep are not the problem) but the spinning makes me wonder whats going on.
Other than that she's a pretty delightful willful child, who bolts in public and is therefore only allowed out of the car wearing a monkey backpack with a rein. This way she'll hold my hand and walk by me and be happy and chatty the whole time. The minute I remove the monkey all bets are off and she's gone in a giggling manic laugh.
If figure she'll grow out of it eventually right? Please say yes, she'll be 4 in January.


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## pellifoli (Feb 12, 2005)

hey mamas,
I'm in the middle of it w/you. DS(3.5 in January) was actually having a huge tantrum because he's completely exhausted, won't put clean pants on, but he's cold, won't eat but he's hungry....it's ridiculous. And he was up FIVE times last night, so we're all fried, and low patience. I've been yelling much more than I'm happy with, I am so frustrated. he's had a huge growth spurt recently & is (somehow) getting more molars.

There are some books that have been helpful to me, the authors are Ames & Ilg, and the one for this year is Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy. While the scenarios are really really dated, the developmental stuff is spot on. They talk about how in every age, there's a period of equilibrium after new things (language, physical skills, etc) are mastered, and then a period of Disequilibrium (where everything goes to hell & there are regressions, sleep is disrupted, potty stuff, etc.) hellooooo disequilibrium. And their advice? They say it may sound like a cop out, but it is their best advice: have someone else take care of child As Much As Possible.

DS has been totally pee trained since February. lately he's having tantrums because he holds it too long and needs to pee horribly, but he refuses & just melts down. it's a mess, he won't let me help him, all my humor, distraction, and old tactics just don't work.

It seems like he needs a nap, but like someone else mentioned, if he does, he's up til after 10pm or so. and it's a nightmare getting him down. And a nightmare when he wakes up. it's pretty much a huge nightmare right now.

And as someone else mentioned, he's doing amazing things, conversation is wonderful, he's deeply curious & creative. He also mentioned the same thing the other day as someone else's child, We had fun when we went ___, we didn't get mad at each other at all.









if I've got another year of this I'm going to have to go back to work full time. sigh.

hang in there.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

Can I join in even though he's not quite three yet, but will be in January?

He does all the three-year-old things. Says "no, I don't want to anything" when given a choice, climbs on my head, questions everything (particularly bedtime, which he used to like a couple of months ago) and loves spinning, running, jumping and shouting! He used to be such a quiet little boy. Still adorable, though!


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## klt (Mar 16, 2006)

Another interesting thing about three year olds that I read is their interest in "wholeness" and noticing when things aren't complete. Like when a picture they are coloring tears, or a play dough animal breaks, they freak out "it's broken, fix it!" It's them developing their perception of "whole" and "complete." This made ALOT of sense to me when I read it, and they said activities like "I'm fixing the door mommy" while using a toy hammer or something start to appear.

My son does react to boo-boos in a different way saying he needs to heal it. So I think that reaction to injury is due to a heightened perception of cause & consequence as well.

And I totally had to laugh when one of the above moms said how tired she was with her child sitting on her head. Mine does that too, just sites right on my face! What? I feel like I need to go to the Chiro, he's thrown my neck out about 189 times in the past 6 months!


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## hopeandolive (Oct 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy* 
Oh my word.

I was just talking about this with my very close friend who is another mdc mama of a 3 year old. DD will be 3.5 in December and wow is this the hardest age EVER.

Here I was thinking being a mama of a newborn was hard.. HA HA. That was a walk in the park compared to this age. Just demanding, whiny, OCD-like tendencies, out of this world tantrums, controlling, easily dissatisfied, etc -- I miss my sweet, loving child who I felt so connected to







I feel like sometimes I am hanging on for dear life from one loving moment to the next to prevent myself from going all punitive.

Can you tell it has been a rough day?









I mean, sometimes she can just be an absolute joy and of course I love her more than life itself, but other times I feel like screaming WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU... JUST STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. I don't of course, but I am screaming it on this inside as I struggle to remain patient and calm on the outside.

I hope this passes soon and I get my child back









OMG This is so totally us!!!!! My dd will also be 3.5 in Dec. One of my biggest struggles right now is the bedtime battles! She used to be my dream sleeper! Now she is up every 5 minutes for a solid hour after I put her down for either a nap or bed!!! And it isn't like she sleeps late on the other end to make up for the time either! Lately she has been getting up at 5 am! The biggest change in her life right now has been the addition of a new baby sister, but honestly I think she would be doing exactly what she is doing even without the new addition!

Someone please send me the strength!!!


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## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

so today was one of those rare, no fit days!







: we went thrift store shopping and to the craft store for a couple things and she was in such a great mood. when we got home she ate her lunch and played outside with dh and dd until it was too cold and getting dark. she ate all her dinner, took a bath and was asleep by 8! i swear it's like living with dr. jekyl and mr. hyde...







you never know what tomorrow will bring!


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Can I say that today was the perfect day for me to find this thread?

DS is 3 1/2 and today would trade him for two non-sleeping infants or 2 year old.









His answer to everything is "no" or "I don't want to." If I insist that he do something, he runs away from me. He plays around and keeps himself awake during naps, which he still needs. Then, he's exhausted and argumentative at dinner time. At bedtime, its a repeat of naptime. He does everything possible to keep himself awake. And, of course, he has always woken with the sun.









I just don't know what to with him anymore.


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## MrsAprilMay (Jul 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *catballou24* 
so today was one of those rare, no fit days!







: we went thrift store shopping and to the craft store for a couple things and she was in such a great mood. when we got home she ate her lunch and played outside with dh and dd until it was too cold and getting dark. she ate all her dinner, took a bath and was asleep by 8! i swear it's like living with dr. jekyl and mr. hyde...







you never know what tomorrow will bring!









Exactly!

I'm getting really torn about taking DD to story time. She LOVES it. She looks forward to it every week, plays story time with her dolls and loves to get new books from the library once a week. And I enjoy seeing sunlight.







But the time is 1:30pm. On days when she naps, it's from 1:00 - 3:00. So if she h happens to need a nap that day, it's delayed. By the time we're done at the library, she's cranky. You would think they would respect a preschooler's need to nap just like they do the toddlers, who have story time at 10:30am.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Hey Mamas, dd1 is 3.5 yrs old and I can soooooooo relate to the things posted here: concerns with "wholeness" ("Ahhh! My paper ripped!"), regressive pottying (lots of accidents lately after being trained eons ago), arguing about everything, disagreeing, saying no as much as possible, being upset with me even when I'm trying to do what she wants, talking to me like I'm an idiot, constantly begging for candy, asking for food and not eating it after it's prepared, etc.

But she is also soooooo beautiful and cute. When she's in swimming class she'll turn to me and give me a big proud thumb's up!







Too cute. She says the funniest phrases like, "For goodness snakes!!!"







Hard to keep from chuckling at that!







She's into forts and "big girl clubhouses" (to keep 10 m.o. dd2 out). She loves her baby sister and adores her.







:

But oh. The tough days. Help me.









ETA - about boundaries, etc. I reluctantly have started a reward system thingy which was totally against what I wanted to be doing but you know what? The gal RESPONDS to it POSITIVELY. So I'm keeping at it. Also I notice when I put up a rule or boundary she knocks against it repeatedly from all angles, and finally when I think I'm about to go off the deep end, she stops, and turns all mushy, "I love you mommy". ??? Go figure! She seems to like to know where the boundaries are and when I'm consistent about it, it makes her feel secure.


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

My little 3.11 yr old is a love. except when he throws things in frustration, hits us in anger and cannot barely let his mama leave the room








Now we are working on all these things and have family meetings to re-negotiate terms. But I am truly exhausted. He needs me to be so close all the time. The whole thing totally applies as we all scramble to discard a broken toy before it is discovered.
I am looking for suggestions about the throwing. No one in our home does this or anywhere he has seen but oh my gosh it happens. His reply is generally I am SOOO mad or so and so is SOOO mean.
any ideas??
I am also curious about this sudden seemingly severe seperation anxiety. It is very confusing and honestly very inconvenient as I have been attempting to work a bit at night and on when my DH is home. It has been a crazy tantrum laced event every time I leave the room..very unusual for this little guy.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I came looking for something just like this thread! DD2 has been so challenging lately. She really has been ruling the house. Today was just another day in a long list of days that I wanted to rip my hair out. We went to church where 1/2 way through she decided that she wanted to leave the sanctuary. I took her out -leaving the other 2 with DH who NEVER comes with us but came today because DD1 was singing in the youth choir. DD2 decides that she's not going back. What am I going to do? Bring in a screaming 3 yo to the service? I left her alone and went to get DH. He goes back for her and ended up having to take her to the car because she refused to go back and wouldn't stop crying. DH ended up missing DD1 singing. I was so upset. She was a mess. Wouldn't leave my side for quite a while but then was fine. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I let her do things that I wold never let my other kids get away with because I just can't deal anymore. Tonight we were getting ready for bed -like a PP said, something we do EVERY night. She wouldn't pee, brush her teeth, wash her face, get in her pjs, etc. When I tried to let her choose she just whined and fussed and wouldn't make a choice. I'm happy to hear that others are dealing with this and that for the most part this is just her being 3 but what do I do? I need some ideas. I'm going to check out some of the books mentioned by PPs at the library this week. I need help or I'm going to have to start drinking adult beverages in large amounts.


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## ma_Donna (Jan 11, 2003)

3 years old was a HARD age for our family. DS1 has just turned 5 and DS2 is 2y4mo so we're in the eye of the storm!

I think it will be easier the second time around, we've been through it before, plus DS2 is just a different person than his brother. Plus... we KNOW that there is an end to it!!


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Today DS was almost an angel, especially compared to yesterday. I turned off the tv early, moved lunch and naptime up. I don't know if that helped but he actually played outside, was nice to me and his sister, played Candyland with his 10 year old uncle with no fights and ate his dinner.

Now, of course, I'm sitting at the comp because I can see his room from here and he keeps getting out of bed. But a huge improvement from yesterday.

DH is home the next two days, hopefully Daddy won't throw everything off.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

I'm thinking about implementing a sticker chart rewards system--goes against the whole UP thing, but I actually think it might work. We saw a Melissa and Doug magnetic version at the bookstore yesterday and ds REALLY wanted it (not sure he knew what it was exactly, but it caught my attention).

I'm just so tired about having the same battles every. single. day. Bathtime. PJs. Getting dressed. Eating dinner. Hurting baby sister. Hurting the cat. Getting up in the middle of the night. etc. etc. I wonder whether a positive rewards system might be worth a try.

Anyone else use this?


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

*Xanadumama* In psych. class in college the instructor told us that it is a PROVEN FACT that rewarding people for exhibiting the desired behavior always works better than punishment. I have been having problems with DS at home and at school and he has been responding miraculously well to being given rewards for good behavior (despite his teacher's opposition to it).


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Yes, but then there's Alfie Kohn's argument that rewards and punishments are part of the same continnum (manipulation). UP is a struggle for me, but I agree with the philosophy... I do think, though, that anyone who manages to parent "unconditionally" in the face of a 3yo must actually be some sort of saint, or alien, because I certainly can't do it.

But, like I said, I'm contemplating the rewards approach because I'm tired of pleading and eventually (often) yelling/threatening


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pellifoli* 
It seems like he needs a nap, but like someone else mentioned, if he does, he's up til after 10pm or so. and it's a nightmare getting him down.

Yesterday DS fell asleep in the car around 4:30 pm. I knew it would lead to nothing but trouble but he was so tired from his visit to Nana's, lunch and a trip to Bass Pro.

DH carried him in the house and engaged in a cuddle puddle on the couch and begged me not to wake DS up.

I left this go on for about an hour before I declared it was time to get up. (Both of them were asleep at this point and there was possibly a cat or two in the puddle.)

I think we can all see where this is going.....guess who was absolutely bouncing on the walls all night?

I see OCD behavior too. I recently replaced my bedside lap.
_"Ohhhh, I like your new lamp. Can I touch it?"_
repeat 100x each night before we can settle down.


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## Blucactus (Nov 20, 2006)

My DS1 just turned 3 and boy oh boy...we have been dealing with 'the threes' behaviour wise for a couple months now. I am at a point where I recognize that he cycles in and out of easy/intense behaviours. We will have a couple days to a couple weeks where EVERYTHING is a struggle. You know what I mean! He is crying in a heap on the floor about everything, including everything that doesn't involve him! He cries because I'm changing his brother's diaper. He cries because I'm eating a sandwitch. Etc. I have to tell him to do something 1000000 times. His "whine" er gets switched on and the switch gets stuck. LOL....Seriously though, those days are such a struggle, I just try to be empathetic and to help him to learn and to guide him and I know that we will come out of it and have sunny days for a while before cycling back to the intense ones.

We had a sunny day today and it was GLORIOUS!!! (







: Mondays are usually tough too, bc we have Daddy home all weekend but Mondays its back to just me at home with the boys splitting my attention between them). There was no falling on the floor shrieking about everything that anyone did or didn't do. There was cheerfullness, and playing by himself, and he just had a great morning and was all around lovely and it was easy to be his mom. I am going to enjoy it before we go into another very intense phase...


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

I notice it cycles too, and I think that also has something to do with my mood. Last week, we had great days Wed.-Fri. Then with dh home all day over the weekend it got a little hairy. I was hoping for lots of time to do what I needed/wanted to, since it's way easier to go out in the car with dh driving, etc. Ds1 wanted to play all day with dh of course, so we had some issues with everyone getting their needs met. I was annoyed and it totally set ds1 off, like I could tell he felt nervous his desires weren't going to get met. YKWIM? Well, then with all the fires here in SoCal, we couldn't really get out much to the parks since the air quality was horrible so ds1 had quite a few meltdowns in general. Whew! Glad the air is better! Anyway, this thread has helped me tremendously. I'm so grateful for it! It's nice to know how others are coping, etc. Thanks.


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## erinwestpoet (Aug 18, 2005)

Oh, I just have been crying to myself this evening because I had such a HORRIBLE day today with my dd who is not quite 3.5. It seems most days we are in a constant battle. I just look at her and feel worn out! We are having major potty issues even though she has been pottytrained since she was 2.5. The worst part about the potty issue? Well, she likes to poop when my friends (and her friends) are around to embarrass me! I am not kidding. She laughs. It is hard not to really react and I think no reaction would not be appropriate. I got upset and told her we were leaving the playground. She ruined a perfectly good time. Maybe I should have just done a time out in the stroller? I don't know. I just felt like leaving was the natural consequence. Hell, since I am already writing about it, let me say that she had pooped without my knowledge. As I am helping her into the swing, it rolled out onto the ground. She yelled, "Poop. It's my poop!" And then the other mom and kids all looked and I had to pick up the poop with a tissue in front of all these people and throw it away. She was laughing! Now maybe she should have been the one to pick it up? I just didn't totally trust that she would do it without smearing it or something. I know this probably sounds freaking hilarious, but it was so embarrassing at the time! Okay now I am laughing. This is a good thread.


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## jrpbrown1 (May 23, 2005)

Ahhh, I am joining this party. DD is bright and darling and adorable and the devil.







: Exhausting is the only word that captures it. I have the Ames and Ilg books and they are very enlightening to read. I really bristled at the suggestion to let someone else take care of your 3 yo as much as you can when I first read it. However, it must say that last week we sent her to daycare and took DS to an appointment and ran errands and it was a dream to be productive and not have to have a power struggle every 5 minutes. I feel like a horrible failure as an AP mom sometimes. She is just wearing me down so much. But she adores her baby brother and comes out with funniest things sometimes. She can be sweet, I have seen it! It is just rare these days.









I try, really try, to remember that all these qualities that drive me mad now will help her become an amazing woman one day.


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## novaxmomof2 (Nov 3, 2008)

Thank you SO much for this thread! I don't feel so alone anymore. I have a DS who will be 3.5 on November 30th. Man is it tough some (most) days! This morning I took him and his little brother (15 1/2 months) to their first storytime at the library. It was pretty much a disaster. He was fine during the dancing and singing segment but when it came time to sit down and be quiet for the story well forget it! I told him that we would have to leave if he didn't behave and guess what - we had to leave! At first I was angry and frustrated but then I realized that #1) his daddy left yesterday for another trip out of the country, #2) it's so cold outside that he hasn't been able to get out and run around much the last couple of days, #3) he's a 3 1/2 year old boy with tons of energy and he just doesn't want to sit down and be quiet while a stranger reads a book, and #4) he's still tired from our 4-day trip to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains this past weekend. On the way home he told me, "Dylan didn't behave. Dylan blew it". I asked him if he liked storytime and he said no! So maybe he's just smart enough to know what he likes and doesn't like LOL! I guess I'll just start having our own storytime at home from now on.

But in general, the 3s are TOUGH! Somedays I feel like all I do is tell him to stop taking toys from/pushing/being mean to his brother. And lately he's been sassing me and calling me by my first name! ARRGGGGHHHHH! Drives me NUTS! Oh, and everything I ask him to do or tell him he responds in the negative. I'll say, "It's time for your bath" and it's "NO, it's NOT time for my bath". He is so strong-willed too. We have never spanked and never will but I have been known to yell on occasion. I'm not proud of this but there are just times when I LOSE it!

I feel better knowing that I'm not alone is this boat.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

DS still needs an afternoon nap, but he fights it for so long its 3:30-4 before he falls asleep. This takes up our entire afternoon. I know he'll fall asleep if he just gives himself a chance. How can I convince him (ha!) to just lay down and try to go to sleep?


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## Masel (Apr 14, 2008)

My DD will be 3 next month and I can so relate to what parents have said.
I just ordered a few of the books mentioned here. Our parenting toolbox was down to just a couple things I didn't like but worked. We've been bargaining more than I'd like.

The worst part is avoiding these confrontations. I realized this week with my DH out of town how contrained I felt since I didn't even want to go to the store with DD. Her doctor wants her to have a bath every day because of her dry skin issues but I put it off and off to avoid a fight. Now that it is cold and dry I've got to find some way to make this fun again.

One thing that has worked recently is getting more sleep. Around the first of November we started getting her to bed earlier and this has made a huge difference in her attitude the rest of the day. We had gone to a talk on kids and sleep issues but the time change seems to have helped. The one thing I got out of the sleep lecture was with toddlers/pre-schoolers who won't stay in bed - threaten to close their door and tell them you are doing this to keep them safe. This worked. My DD would try to get out of bed. She hates having her door closed. I only have to close it for a second for her to get the message. We still have some bad days but it is getting better.

One amazing thing about my DD is that she has gotten really good about asking people what is in the food she eats. She has a host of food allergies and adults are stunned when she asks "Is there cow milk in this?" I don't trust this 100% since she's still very young and some shiny treats are hard to resist.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy* 
Just demanding, whiny, OCD-like tendencies, out of this world tantrums, controlling, easily dissatisfied, etc -- *I miss my sweet, loving child who I felt so connected to*









I feel the exact same way. I can't tell you how many times I have thought that to myself recently. I miss my sweet baby girl.

My daughter turned 3 this month. I started to notice some changes in her a few of months ago and could see we were headed into the challenging 3 year old stage. I thought I was savvy enough to be able to handle it though and things were going okay. She was my only child and I had all the time in the world to deal with her and figure things out.

Then my son was born and things have been going down hill ever since. In addition to the typical 3 year old behavior, we now have jealousy and anger thrown in the mix Unfortunately, I am too sleep deprived and exhausted to do much about it. I feel completely overwhelmed by her behavior. I have been doing and saying things I swore to God I never would...yelling, threatening, punishing, etc. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. I just want everyone to be happy again.

I am too tired to articulate much else but just wanted to jump into the conversation and say I am so grateful that I found this thread. It brought tears to my eyes to read that other people were dealing with some of the same issues because it made me realize I am not the worst mother in the world.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
Then my son was born and things have been going down hill ever since. In addition to the typical 3 year old behavior, we now have jealousy and anger thrown in the mix Unfortunately, I am too sleep deprived and exhausted to do much about it. I feel completely overwhelmed by her behavior. I have been doing and saying things I swore to God I never would...yelling, threatening, punishing, etc. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. I just want everyone to be happy again.

Oh I so hear you!!! I've been more grumpy again than I've been in awhile.......dd1 drew a picture of me at playschool with a grumpy face. Today she said she wishes she didn't have a mommy.







(But a few hours later she was saying she loved me, etc.







) Sigh, it's so up and down! Lately I've been doing all the things you've mentioned above.







You just do the best you can.







Hang in there Mama.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Masel* 
Her doctor wants her to have a bath every day because of her dry skin issues but I put it off and off to avoid a fight. Now that it is cold and dry I've got to find some way to make this fun again.


These might help make bath time fun again for you guys
http://homeparents.about.com/cs/reci...g/a/crsoap.htm


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Masel* 
The worst part is avoiding these confrontations. I realized this week with my DH out of town how contrained I felt since I didn't even want to go to the store with DD. Her doctor wants her to have a bath every day because of her dry skin issues but I put it off and off to avoid a fight. Now that it is cold and dry I've got to find some way to make this fun again.

You do not necessarily have to give daily baths.
My sisters DS has very dry skin and an eczema issue and they were advised the very opposite: not to bath too often so the natural skin's sebum can help 'feeding' his skin. When he was a baby they would bath him just once a week. Together with use of special lotions.
I also notice that for my DS2 baths often mean making the skin even dryer, even when avoiding soap and all. What does help is baths with natural oils/essences and my kids love the straberry, apple and apricot verdsions (these are such lovely perfumes!).
I have never washed my kids daily. It's not necessary, and honestly, a lot of work and very wearing at times. What ı do on the no bath days isd cleaning their hands and face, or entire body with a special cleaning lotion or milk (like mustela, chicco) that makes the clean, fresh, nice smelling and moisturised. y DS1 prefers the lotion wash.

I always swear to myself that I will never bath both kids together again, but for other convenience reasons I end up doing that very exact thing sometimes it works out well enough but most of the time it means fighting and trouble. (they are 4,5 and almost 3).

My son is not three yet but getting towards and he has been very troublesome to my and my husband (ı recognise all of the behaviours you mentioned here) and he's been, well 'trying' since about a full year already and I just see his terrible twos continue towards terrible threes...
And 4 is not so great in other kids either lol.

Just to say, our life with children lately is very exhausting too. I feel like we do more 'complaining' about them and our situation, than actually enjoying it. And that is so so sad. We want to get out of this cycle and really fully enjoy life with children again, that was the initial goal after all! Now it seems to be we are continuously avoiding tantrums and battle with our youngest, and having to deal with sibling conflicts and violence 2/3 of the time.

Subbing.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

DS had skin issues also and I didn't bath him every day until he got into the pig-pen stage this summer.

Now that cold weather is here, we are back to two days between baths. This is just fine with me. Bath time is crazy at our house, DS goes nuts with his toys.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

I'm joining in here.









My ds2 turned 3 in late October, and has been absolutely exhausting for the last month. He's so loud and in my face all the time! He's gone from being very laid-back to defiant and incredibly hyper. I've tried giving him more attention, doing more crafty projects with him, putting him to bed earlier...ugh!! He dropped his nap right around his birthday, and that just makes it worse. There is NO BREAK till my dh gets home at 6pm. I'm so glad it's the weekend now.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

lol, so now I'm torn between relief (that 1)I am not alone in dealing with this and 2)Maybe this is developmental and not a result of my less-than -perfect parenting....) and a sense of OMG-this-might-last-another-YEAR???


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

re: skin issues...my ds has always had bad eczema, worse in winter. A few months ago he started refusing baths, so we tried giving him a shower instead, and he loves it (well, except for washing his hair, when he screams bloody murder







). Anyway, it's done wonders for the eczema, his legs are almost eczema-free now.

We've been having a better week around here...I checked a few parenting books out of the library, good for us to try a few new cooperation/discipline techniques. My favorite new tool is "make something talk" from Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley. So now whenever ds is refusing to put his shoes on, refusing pajamas, refusing the potty, I make the object start talking in a funny voice ("hey, come over here and put me on!"). Ds thinks it's hilarious, and it works every time. It really lightens up the mood. I was just getting so angry and burned out....well, I still am sometimes, but I'm working on it.

Our quote of the morning: our newborn dd was crying this morning while ds was playing, and he started yelling, "Mom, turn that baby off!"







:


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

oh he's driving me nuts today. We had a few *good* days there but we're back to the yelling, pickiness, aggression that seems to be the norm nowadays. He's downstairs now having a fit over his peanut butter sandwich... which is what he WANTED for lunch and never ate. We kept it for him for the next time he was hungry (now) and he's raging about how he HATES peanut butter sandwiches, he's never going to eat another one EVER! And asking for something else to eat. Well, sorry... some mamas might think I'm mean at this point...but I've been through this so many times now that I just tell him "look, you can eat your pb sandwich if you're hungry now, or you can wait until dinner." It's 4:10 so that's not going to be long. He's yelling "NO! NO!" and if anyone says anything he just yells more. I came up here to get a minute to myself because I feel that I don't have much left for him today.
Earlier he played with playdough for a long time. Sooooo creative. Talked the entire time, telling me all kinds of imaginative stories about what he was creating. He knew from the beginning that if he got it all over the floor he'd have to vaccuum with our little cannister vaccuum. (Something he enjoys doing usually). So it was time to clean it up and he says he "can't". I told him that if he can get it out... he can also put it away. That we're all responsible for our own stuff. I had to leave to pick my dd daughter up so I told him that by the time I got back I wanted to come into the kitchen and think "wow, ds really cleaned up the playdough well!!". And guess what? He had!!! But then naptime was a struggle, with him yelling I hate mommy! I hate daddy! etc. We don't allow the word "hate" in the house so we told him it was okay to say he was really ANGRY at mommy or daddy because that was what he was really feeling.
sigh... it's just never-ending and it gets to you after awhile.
I'd better go back down.
So glad this thread is here.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Ds2 has now started peeing his pants "just because I want to."







:

He was soooo whiny and crabby all afternoon. I'm ready to institute a required nap time (or at least quiet time) every day. It's going to be such a huge battle, though.


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

of course, tonight, going to bed... ds doesn't want to go to sleep because he has bad dreams. I lay with him until he's sleeping. As we lie there he says "I love you" and I say "I love you too" and then he scootches as close to me as he can possibly get. We lie there for awhile and then he puts his hand in mine... and finally drifts off. It's as though he needs me to lead him into sleep by holding his hand. I feel badly that sleep is a scary place for him right now. His hand is so small... and I really do love him with my entire being.
Why must he be such a challenge during the day?!







:


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Quote:

And the hardest part...she's so freakin' cute...I want to squish her with hugs one minute and just squish her the next.








Too true.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *XanaduMama* 
I'm just so tired about having the same battles every. single. day.

It's so tiring/exhausting.

Our battles here are getting him to not hit (doesn't help when ds1 hits him), getting him to settle down & not run around/jump on the bed/strangle his brother at bedtime & getting him to let us brush his teeth.

He's also going through wanting to be on me all the time, though he saves the sitting on the head for his brother. He's very, very affectionate and willing to help, but definitely doesn't want to stop doing things or be redirected to something else.

And he completely, utterly refuses to potty train. I know he's capable, but he just won't & tells me he doesn't want to. It'd be one thing if he had a problem, but he doesn't. He just can't be bothered. And he seems to be scared of wearing underwear for some reason, though pull-ups are fine. I really wanted to be done with diapers earlier this time, but he's almost as old as ds1 was when I finally found what would work to get him trained.


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## maryeb (Aug 8, 2005)

NicaG said:


> My favorite new tool is "make something talk" from Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley. So now whenever ds is refusing to put his shoes on, refusing pajamas, refusing the potty, I make the object start talking in a funny voice ("hey, come over here and put me on!"). Ds thinks it's hilarious, and it works every time. It really lightens up the mood. I was just getting so angry and burned out....well, I still am sometimes, but I'm working on it.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

Hello Brave Parents!

*NicaG* This works wonders for washing my DS's hair: have him hold a wash cloth over his face while you are rinsing so that he keeps the water off of his face.

*I found a really great book* called "The Difficult Child." It's really helping me understand my DS a little better. I haven't gone through the evaluation in the book, but it's nice to read that my son's behavior is not necessarily due to inadequate parenting.


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## nabigus (Sep 23, 2004)

ohthankgodIfoundyou! where have you been, 3 year-old thread, these past months??

I really needed to read this today. Ds has been having a rough time of it--what's hardest is that he seems so unhappy when he's (fill in the blank--yelling no, refusing to eat the pineapple he just asked for, putting his foot on the table, shrieking...). The hardest thing to deal with is behaviors that are just plain annoying, or overly enthusiastic (like tackling other kids because you like them). We doubled our efforts this weekend to run early interference when ds starts fussing or doing the opposite of what we ask. We talked a lot about how to interact with other people. We thought it was really taking effect. We had an absolutely lovely weekend, and he was his normal charming self.

But then: today. At his Montessori preschool, they had one of the teachers shadow him all day, it was that bad. He screamed, he interrupted circle deliberately, he played the clown. I'm just heartsick about it. How do you get your kid to behave when you're not there?? I'm really worried he's going to get a reputation. His teachers seem very concerned--and this was the kid who three weeks ago they couldn't say enough good things about the parent-teacher conference.

Anyone have any successful tactics for addressing behavior for when you're not there??

I'm ready to have my sweet boy again, thank you very much. And 90% of the time, he's still with us. But that 10%, it pushes every single one of my buttons.

Oh, one thing that we've found works brilliantly: if ds is arguing about something, I'll often switch roles with him (as in, Okay, you be Mama and I'll be Mojo), and we talk through why he needs to take a bath/go to bed/eat dinner in a funny, humorous way. He clearly understands and hears what we're saying, because he can play Mama like nobody's business. He ends up talking himself into it every time. Seriously, it has yet to fail us.


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## fenwickmama (Aug 30, 2004)

: so glad i found this thread!


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

This weekend was a little better.
But today, she had a melt down when it was time for me to leave her at pre-school. So frustrating, b/c I know she really loves it there, and she comes home telling me how much fun she had.


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

well, wouldn't you know it... my little guy was getting SICK. You'd think after 3 years of him I'd catch on that sometimes bad behavior = feeling yucky.
He's better today.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:



Originally Posted by *NicaG*


...It's like every single thing you do during the day is questioned, challenged, rejected, changed slightly, subjected to complaints or whining...after a while you just feel sort of worthless, from being pushed around all day....I am really struggling not to just lose it and start yelling... I think I need to think of some things to do when I'm at the end of my patience--leave the room, start vacuuming (as someone suggested on another thread), what else?


As bad as it may seem, there have been two times in the past couple of weeks that I've had to walk away from my screaming, fit-pitching, attitude-throwing DD, and just pull the door behind me. I don't close it all the way, but it's enough to let her know I am tired of the scene and won't put up with it anymore. I simply HAVE to walk away or I will end up yelling uncontrollably.

Of course, this tactic always has the immediate opposite effect: DD then begins to screech that I am "leaving" and hurls herself upon me, but still won't stop with that loud... _stuff_... that I was trying to escape in the first place.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *MrsAprilMay*


DD threw a screaming/hitting/kicking fit at Grandpa's today because I told her she couldn't have juice and offered her water.


Yeah. My DD turned 3 in Sept. She won't accept anything but juice or milk (I water her juice WAY down, so she's actually only getting about 25% juice in the cup - and she can't have more than one cup of milk a day due to poop issues). She "needs" juice to go to sleep, wakes up in the middle of the night and screams for it, and demands it at the butt-crack of dawn every day.







: Don't give her the juice... and it's nuclear meltdown, every time.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *catemom*


Yes, we've been having candy battles also. He wants skittles for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, etc.


DD wants "a treat" for breakfast. Every morning. We're still working on Halloween candy, no more than one piece every other day or so, as a reward... and that's what she wants first thing in the morning (with her juice, of course).









Quote:



_I think there is some kind of link between highly intelligent parents and kids who really struggle with potty training. Some of our very smartest friends (IMHO) have the worst time getting their kids out of diapers. Hang in there!_


I hope so. That would explain the "NO POTTY!!! NO POTTY!!!" reaction I get when trying to entice her to sit down on the new pink potty she got. No undies, no potty... and if I put her in panties, she just pees (or poops) and keeps on going with whatever she's doing, just like a diaper. She doesn't seem to care that she is wet, but when she's in a wet diaper she demands an immediate change. I can't figure it out.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *Caneel*


Another thing I noticed with DS is his new need/desire to be on me all the time.

Not nice cuddling on the couch or sitting on my lap at the table, oh no, he wants to be ON me like trying to sit on my head, laying on top of me in bed, crawling up, over and down me when we are playing on the floor.


I wake up in the middle of the night, no less than 14 times every night, and move her off me. She lays ON me. Or with her head pressing on my kidneys. Or her feet on top of my head. Or the entire length of her 476-degree body plastered against my back, turning me into a sweaty (trapped) mess. I have the nursing 4-month old on the other side, so I ain't moving. It's just lovely.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *allgirls*


And the hardest part...she's so freakin' cute...I want to squish her with hugs one minute and just squish her the next.

But it does pass. Punishment doesn't work. Boundaries don't work. Hugs, playfulness, fun, nature, reading to them, involving them in your day etc. helps but the only thing that works is time.


Yup yup. Right now she's being intelligent, articulate and adorable. Five minutes ago she was standing in the hall with her arms crossed, screaming that Bubba kicked her and demanding retribution (or at least a band-aid).

Quote:



Originally Posted by *catballou24*


...but oh goodness, don't tell her we are out of blueberries!







:


Around here, it's grapes. We ran out of those today. I offered pineapple chunks as a substitute. They are currently drying out in a bowl on the table. She won't touch them. She also won't let me throw them away.









Quote:



Originally Posted by *klt*


Another interesting thing about three year olds that I read is their interest in "wholeness" and noticing when things aren't complete. Like when a picture they are coloring tears, or a play dough animal breaks, they freak out "it's broken, fix it!" It's them developing their perception of "whole" and "complete." This made ALOT of sense to me when I read it, and they said activities like "I'm fixing the door mommy" while using a toy hammer or something start to appear.


DD says, "Oh no!!! It's WOUNDED!" when she has a paper doll that DS cut out for her that's gotten wrinkled. I have to smooth it out immediately. If it's ripped I have to tape it. She totally flips out when that happens and reacts as though her best friend was just hit by a truck.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *Devaskyla*


And he completely, utterly refuses to potty train. I know he's capable, but he just won't & tells me he doesn't want to. It'd be one thing if he had a problem, but he doesn't. He just can't be bothered..


DD wants nothing to do with it. Nothing. She's not afraid, but she does scream and yell when placed on the potty, just because she doesn't want to be there.

I have to say this thread has made me feel a lot better, especially about the potty training. I've handled other little girls before, and they weren't nearly as difficult. Even DS, who was almost 4 before he mastered the potty, wasn't quite as... dramatic... about not wanting to go.

Now... someone help me. This little girl of mine WON'T eat anything at supper. I could starve her all day (which I won't REALLY do, of course) and she still wouldn't eat. I have tried making her precisely what she asks for and that doesn't help. She flat-out refuses to take a nap, but will lay her head down on the table next to her plate and fall asleep at 6:30 pm. She won't touch breakfast 9 times out of ten either, but it's the no-supper thing that's bothering me. Today, all she's had to eat is two slices of cheese, a handful of grapes, 6 Doritoes, one pineapple chunk and two cups of juice. She's been offered breakfast and lunch, but she only picks at everything. I swear, she's gonna blow away in a strong breeze.







:

Any suggestions to get little Miss Picky to eat??


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:



Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity*


As bad as it may seem, there have been two times in the past couple of weeks that I've had to walk away from my screaming, fit-pitching, attitude-throwing DD, and just pull the door behind me. I don't close it all the way, but it's enough to let her know I am tired of the scene and won't put up with it anymore. I simply HAVE to walk away or I will end up yelling uncontrollably. 
Of course, this tactic always has the immediate opposite effect: DD then begins to screech that I am "leaving" and hurls herself upon me, but still won't stop with that loud... _stuff_... that I was trying to escape in the first place.


Now, your whole posting resonated with me. I just had to do this yesterday. The worst was that I had my DS2 screaming at me and crying all over in the bedroom after him not wanting to nap while my Dh and MIL were downstairs. (I had had him nursing and about 1 hour in my arms, asleep, before I 'dared' to try and put him in his bed at the footend...'). Whatever I tried after that, it failed. Even hugging (what was obvious what he needed) did have the reverse effect... He was also looking for daddy, when I told him his dad was downstairs, he lost it. He wouldn't want to go down either. Noone came to help us out. So I lost it too, I needed me to get away from the 'noise' I tried to be alone but couldn't. I asked him to pls go down to dad and leave me for awhile, and eventualluy closed the bedroom door. Not my best moment but I had no other way out for timeout for myself...








Then, FINALLY, Dh started to care what was the matter and got mad at me and said 'don't you SEE ALL he needs is a HUG???' Well, he knows perfectly well that at such a meltdown DS often directs his anger/frustration/yelling to one parent personally and that what mostly helps then is the other parent taking over/calming him down...







Now that for once I was not alone at home in daytime with 2 kids, no-one seemed to even care and come and help out... That's what I told him too and got a more understanding attitude from him later.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity*


Around here, it's grapes. We ran out of those today. I offered pineapple chunks as a substitute. They are currently drying out in a bowl on the table. She won't touch them. She also won't let me throw them away.










Bananas! LOL.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity*


DD says, "Oh no!!! It's WOUNDED!" when she has a paper doll that DS cut out for her that's gotten wrinkled. I have to smooth it out immediately. If it's ripped I have to tape it. She totally flips out when that happens and reacts as though her best friend was just hit by a truck.


Yes. That. Wghat I find even harder to 'understand' is that my DS2 likes to damage stuff. I mean he's been tearing books, throwing stuff and toys, cutting cupboards with a knife he got hold of, drawing on the walls etc.... but he CAN'T have a cookie offered is broken or the carrot is not the right one, or the bread is falling apart (while he like taking it apart and then hardly eat any of it







).
Anecdote: He noticed a 'scar' on my leg (blue spider vein) and said matter of fact 'mums leg is 'broken'! At least he did not want to try and fix it and I was glad for his oncern. This time no meltdown. Wow.
Another one: Whenever işt rained (the oast week LOL) he just HAS to take the brush out and wipe the STREET. LOL. I let him do even I'm very hungry by that time (after bringing DS1 to preschool) He can't get rid of the pools, he can't have me help him, he's so obsessed until his feet are sometimes soaking wet and then still I'll have to bring him in under large protest and a tantrum. At least he can be convinced to wait with the cleaning till AFTER we got DS1 to school







....
And so on.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity*


DD wants nothing to do with it. Nothing. She's not afraid, but she does scream and yell when placed on the potty, just because she doesn't want to be there.


I do not want to potty train my DS. Just wait untill HE takes some initiative as with DS1. DS1 did it in 1 month at 3y3m, totally out of diapers except on outings. Worked perfectly well for us. We let DS2 decide when he's totally ready, here I mean physically AND emotionally. Just let go of the wanting to 'train'. It will sort out itself, really. It is not worth daily struggles. 'Letting go' of it will have your child gain your trust on toiletting issues again and stop resisting in the future.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity*


Now... someone help me. This little girl of mine WON'T eat anything at supper. I could starve her all day (which I won't REALLY do, of course) and she still wouldn't eat. I have tried making her precisely what she asks for and that doesn't help. She flat-out refuses to take a nap, but will lay her head down on the table next to her plate and fall asleep at 6:30 pm. She won't touch breakfast 9 times out of ten either, but it's the no-supper thing that's bothering me. Today, all she's had to eat is two slices of cheese, a handful of grapes, 6 Doritoes, one pineapple chunk and two cups of juice. She's been offered breakfast and lunch, but she only picks at everything. I swear, she's gonna blow away in a strong breeze.







:
Any suggestions to get little Miss Picky to eat??


It seems to me that your LO just gets her the food (and amount) she needs at the time. You may notice that one day she may eat more dairy, another mostly nuts, another almost exclusively fruit, bread or whatever. I think we as parents think too much of having daily portions of all nutritients we 'need'. I believe now that our children's bodies have a way of regulating their own food intake. I let go of the 'food issue too. Out of experience. I was much more harsh on trying to get food into my DS1, who has been from 1,5-2 a very picky eater. I see now that he thrives on what he takes and I am sure to have nutrituous food AVAİLABLE. That often meaning having him eat some raw tomato/carrot and/or cucumber instead of other vegetable foods at the table. Or I offer those raw veggies during the day as snacks. That's a stepo forward, there's been times he would not want to touch tonmatoes and such LOL.
My DS2 does not eat always at mealtime lately (or chooses sth from the fridge other than we eat LOL), but he passes the day by 'snacking away' and if you actually LOOK at what he got, he will be just fine. One day he may seem to eat hardly anything, another he may not seem to stop . I make sure he can have access to food (like dry fruit, nuts, bread, fruit, yoghurt) and I do not prepare meals for him anymore unless he asks me too (or asks help). I mean that I let the initiative to EAT, TOTALLY up to him. So I may prepare my own breakfast, go and sit at the table and then he comes up to me to see what I've got and he asks for this or that (or just goes and get it). Perfectly possible that he chooses to eat (a food) when I'd offered (verbally) him a while ago and he plain refused. I think this is all about getting control over his own needs/wishes, food is one of them (in our case). I had a hard time in changing my focus on this food issue, believe me! But I sense that a CL approach to this is really working out for him/us. It means so much less struggles. Table time was often not a nice time considering the continuous opposite ideas about food intake... Now it got much more relaxed and nice family time. Still he is very demanding but we can tackle that by 'predicting' his moods/wants at the time (or getting a way around it LOL).
I nurse him too so that makes that I am sure he still gets good nutrition from my milk too.
Anecdote: Tonight he came back to the table to ask for a drink again. No, NOT his brother's left over juice, straight from the pack!!! Dh took DS2's glass, filled it with some of DS1's untouched juice when DS2 couldn't see for a sec (really he came to see what DH was doing IMMEDIATELY, LOL!), and then offered him. We both had a good laugh on that one!









Ok so yesterday was not so good, today was not so bad.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Quote:

I do not want to potty train my DS. Just wait untill HE takes some initiative as with DS1. DS1 did it in 1 month at 3y3m, totally out of diapers except on outings. Worked perfectly well for us. We let DS2 decide when he's totally ready, here I mean physically AND emotionally. Just let go of the wanting to 'train'. It will sort out itself, really. It is not worth daily struggles. 'Letting go' of it will have your child gain your trust on toiletting issues again and stop resisting in the future.
Yeah, I'd like to be able to do that, but ds2 seems similar to ds1 in that way. Ds1 would still be in diapers if I hadn't pushed the issue. He still isn't wiping himself properly. Some kids are so reluctant to do anything new, they just won't, ever, unless you push them a bit.

Ds2 did sit on the toilet briefly today when I asked him to. Once. I guess it's at least a small step.


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## EricaRain (Nov 9, 2007)

Oh man. Reading this I realize, my 3 y/o? The little one who's been a monster lately? Is just a normal 3 y/o. It doesn't mean I can't handle him or he's permanently got problems we'll never get sorted. It just means he's 3. Thank goodness you have all shared here. I am breathing such a sigh of relief. I'm almost in tears. Thank you. My 3 y/o is just being a 3 y/o, he doesn't hate me, he's just a toddler.


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## tilly2321 (Apr 12, 2002)

Hi all,
I have a little girl who turned three in October. She is making me question every aspect of my parenting. We use GD in our house, but she is so unruly lately and making life so difficult, I am starting to wonder if I need to find another strategy. I have a six year old boy with sensory issues, so I am used to tantrums, but she is just very defiant. I haven't had a chance to read through all of the posts, but Just wanted to introduce myself and say I am glad for the support!
Elle


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EricaRain* 
Oh man. Reading this I realize, my 3 y/o? The little one who's been a monster lately? Is just a normal 3 y/o. It doesn't mean I can't handle him or he's permanently got problems we'll never get sorted. It just means he's 3. Thank goodness you have all shared here. I am breathing such a sigh of relief. I'm almost in tears. Thank you. My 3 y/o is just being a 3 y/o, he doesn't hate me, he's just a toddler.

Feels good, don't it?







Yes, it is a relief to find out that our children are just being normal kids. I have often come on to MDC and had the very same thoughts that you posted above. What a relief! Still, it can be really hard though. We don't have to be perfect.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *tilly2321* 
I have a little girl who turned three in October. She is making me question every aspect of my parenting. We use GD in our house, but she is so unruly lately and making life so difficult, I am starting to wonder if I need to find another strategy.

This is what I found too, that my 3 y.o. dd responded better to more structure than to looser boundaries. Then she would just test test test all day long. When I put up firmer boundaries or clear expectations, she knows what to expect, still tests but is relieved to find they hold firm, and then tells me she loves me over and over for awhile.







I firmly believe that one parenting style does not fit all, and you have to try different things if something is not working! I find that GD works sometimes, and sometimes I have to call out the rewards/consequences, etc.







Good luck!


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## VOBetz (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Freefromitall* 
lol, so now I'm torn between relief (that 1)I am not alone in dealing with this and 2)Maybe this is developmental and not a result of my less-than -perfect parenting....) and a sense of OMG-this-might-last-another-YEAR???









Oh my goodness - this is exactly what I feel reading this thread. But I'm subbing. .... 3 is hard.


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
Ds has been having a rough time of it--what's hardest is that he seems so unhappy when he's (fill in the blank--yelling no, refusing to eat the pineapple he just asked for, putting his foot on the table, shrieking...).

But then: today. At his Montessori preschool, they had one of the teachers shadow him all day, it was that bad. He screamed, he interrupted circle deliberately, he played the clown. I'm just heartsick about it. How do you get your kid to behave when you're not there?? I'm really worried he's going to get a reputation. His teachers seem very concerned--and this was the kid who three weeks ago they couldn't say enough good things about the parent-teacher conference.

Anyone have any successful tactics for addressing behavior for when you're not there??

My DS is having some behavioral problems that the teachers have made a huge deal over at his Montessori (I KNOW my kid is not even close to the worst they've seen, he is just loud sometimes). I am looking for another school (a non-Montessori) b/c I think that this school's environment is actually making his behavior worse rather than better. I am also beginning to suspect that this Montessori is completely unwilling to deal with anything but good little worker bees who are totally compliant.







:


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

Urg...dh is switching to working nights this week. And I'm trying to keep the 3yr old quiet while he takes a nap. Have you ever tried to keep a three year old QUIET?? lol


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## Blucactus (Nov 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
re: skin issues...my ds has always had bad eczema, worse in winter. A few months ago he started refusing baths, so we tried giving him a shower instead, and he loves it (well, except for washing his hair, when he screams bloody murder







). Anyway, it's done wonders for the eczema, his legs are almost eczema-free now.

We've been having a better week around here...I checked a few parenting books out of the library, good for us to try a few new cooperation/discipline techniques. My favorite new tool is "make something talk" from Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley. So now whenever ds is refusing to put his shoes on, refusing pajamas, refusing the potty, I make the object start talking in a funny voice ("hey, come over here and put me on!"). Ds thinks it's hilarious, and it works every time. It really lightens up the mood. I was just getting so angry and burned out....well, I still am sometimes, but I'm working on it.

Our quote of the morning: our newborn dd was crying this morning while ds was playing, and he started yelling, "Mom, turn that baby off!"







:

LOL. Sometimes when my DS1 is in a really pricky mood and I make an object talk to lighten the mood, HE makes it BACKtalk. (It will say something like "NO MOMMY, <DS1> DOESNT want to put me on!" Then DS1 will say, "see, mommy, he says I can't put him on.") He's napping right now so I'm chilling out and I can have a good chuckle about it.


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## BonMaman (Sep 25, 2005)

terrible morning here. wish I could do it over -- I can't control him, but I can control myself.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Our 3yo DS has recruited the cat in his attempts to push my patience to the breaking point.

Everything is "Al (the cat) doesn't want to take a bath" and "Al wants to read another book." or this morning, "Al wants me to stay in bed and rest for a little bit more."

This is interesting because until just very recently, DS seemed to really have no interest in the cats. Our female cat is sick and now DS loves the cats. He carries the male around like a baby and calls him Sweetie.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BonMaman* 
terrible morning here. wish I could do it over -- I can't control him, but I can control myself.































This was us today too.


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## operamommy (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Freefromitall* 
Urg...dh is switching to working nights this week. And I'm trying to keep the 3yr old quiet while he takes a nap. Have you ever tried to keep a three year old QUIET?? lol


Daily!! My ds3 is SUPER sensitive to noise when he's falling asleep, so it's essential that my 3 y/o stays quiet while I'm nursing him down.

My secret?

Caillou
















I figure the baby not getting a nap is potentially more hazardous than a bit of pbs.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
My secret?

Caillou
















I figure the baby not getting a nap is potentially more hazardous than a bit of pbs.









Heheh... my secret weapon is SuperWhy, also on PBS. It's how I get a shower on a daily basis. If I try to get in the shower when DD is NOT watching it, she absolutely freaks out.

Speaking of Caillou, thanks to her big brother, DD calls that show "Doofus-Caillou."


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Heheh... my secret weapon is SuperWhy, also on PBS. It's how I get a shower on a daily basis. If I try to get in the shower when DD is NOT watching it, she absolutely freaks out.

Speaking of Caillou, thanks to her big brother, DD calls that show "Doofus-Caillou."
















A bit off topic, but my ds is absolutely obsessed with Super Why! That show is so weird, but he loves it. He could watch one episode over and over again all day if I let him. We've been watching way too much tv here, because sometimes I'm just so tired in the mornings from my night with baby dd that I don't have any energy for anything else. The guilt!

Speaking of tv...my ds has discovered PBS Kids online, and now loves playing the computer games there. Is this better or worse than watching tv? Any other 3 year olds into this?


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BonMaman* 
terrible morning here. wish I could do it over -- I can't control him, but I can control myself.























I'm right there with you. I lost my cool this morning when we were running late for preschool (if we miss the carline it's a big hassle). Dd kept begging me, "Mom, smile!" as we were getting in the car. I felt awful. Must try to be a more patient and fun mom


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
Dd kept begging me, "Mom, smile!" as we were getting in the car. I felt awful.

Oh, that's the worst. My daughter pleads "But mama, be happy!" when I am stressed and being cranky. As if I didn't feel guilty enough.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:

_Oh, that's the worst. My daughter pleads "But mama, be happy!" when I am stressed and being cranky. As if I didn't feel guilty enough._
Both my 5-yo and my 3-yo were telling me, "Don't be mad anymore, Mom!" today. It was quite the chaotic afternoon... DS knocked DD down, she whacked her head on the floor, and started screaming... DS threw himself face-first onto his bed and snapped his glasses in half, and started screaming... I opened the freezer for an ice-pack and 3/4 of the contents fell straight onto my feet (I wanted to scream)... and then the doorbell rang, which woke up the baby, who - you guessed it - started screaming. All while lunch was burning on the stove.










So while I wasn't really mad, my stress level went, on a scale of 1 to 10, from about a two to somewhere in the neighborhood of a 27 in about four minutes flat.

On the bright side, the doorbell ringer was the UPS man, delivering my order from Herbal Remedies... Arnica cream and Bach's Rescue Remedy. PERFECT timing.







:


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

Having a 3yo is doing my head in many times a week, but last night when she said to her 19 mo brother "Harlan, lets have a hug before bed", it melted my heart. 3 is such an amazing age.


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Both my 5-yo and my 3-yo were telling me, "Don't be mad anymore, Mom!" today. It was quite the chaotic afternoon... DS knocked DD down, she whacked her head on the floor, and started screaming... DS threw himself face-first onto his bed and snapped his glasses in half, and started screaming... I opened the freezer for an ice-pack and 3/4 of the contents fell straight onto my feet (I wanted to scream)... and then the doorbell rang, which woke up the baby, who - you guessed it - started screaming. All while lunch was burning on the stove.

How this sounds familiar...
We have a saying in Dutch: 'an accident never comes alone' lol,
it's like murphy's law.
I've had days like this and you just feel so powerless and totally overwhelmed! And indeed not mad just despe

rate and overstressed and frustrated and sad for evrtything to go wrong. I am sure it is because of sudden stress involved already that you get more clumsy (hasty, not concentrated) that you're more prone to (more) accidents yourself.
That's why I'm often freaking out when my kids continue to bother me, or even run/fight in the kitchen and I really see myself trip over them and someone getting bad burns or one or other similar scenario. And I know it's a very real fear for a very real thing. I do not mind them being prersent with me when cooking, but I'd like no-one to get in my way and not to distract me either because the less smooth it goes, the more prone to accidents I am.

The bell would always ring when I'd just put my overtired-not so willing to sleep baby asleep, or when I decided to have a pyjama day early on because it seemed like I wouldn't get a moment to breathe let not take a shower (baby stages), when I was in the shower, when children in the bath; when I was having my first daytime nap ever in 3 months etc.! How I've hated that doorbell. It drove me mad. Seriously, I put it off with both of my babies so that at least if someone would 'ring' at the wrong moment, the noise wouldn't wake up my child. I just activated it again 2 months ago lol. People always inquired why our doorbell was not working .
Sometimes I even just did not open the door when I new it was not urgent or important lol. That was of course when my kids where little and wouldnt run up the door to see who was there







.


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## mazajo (Nov 3, 2004)

I am SO glad I found this thread!!

My DS turned 3 on Sept 24th, and HOLY COW he turned on me overnight, I swear. I do not remember this stage being so rough with my older kids, but then again, I worked a LOT back then plus I've probably blocked out a lot of it in order to stay relatively sane









Is anybody else 3yo destructive? He runs around in circles on his tiptoes yelling out loud jibberish and tipping things over, knocking things off tables, kicking or throwing anything in his path. Just like that cartoon, Tazmanian Devil. Seriously. He does this a few times a day. He's not mad or throwing a tantrum or anything, he thinks it's great fun. It's very hard to redirect him, it's like he just has to get it out of his system. Is this normal?


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## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

Thank you for starting this thread! My son turned three in August and I love him to bits, but, well, you know the rest. I'm so glad to hear that other moms of three-year olds are experiencing the same things -- the constant climbing on me, the need for me CONSTANTLY, the refusal to potty-learn, and the general insanity. I told a friend that it's kind of demoralizing to parent a three-year old with the way they treat you at times.

And I find myself saying, "Why would a person do this?" fairly regularly.


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## Shanana (May 11, 2005)

Joining the club, sigh. I was venting to dh tonight about how negatively I've been feeling towards dd1 lately







. Could say word for word most of what has already been said here.

Does anyone else's kid have an "evil noise"? I don't know how better to describe it. She makes a few noises (one of them is like Ina May's horse lips), and when I hear those, I know we're in for trouble. She's about to push her sister or is headed for some sort of trouble sometime in the near future. I hear those noises and my hackles go up.

And I think she is tired all the time, and especially lately her sleep has been bad. She started dropping her nap just after she turned 2 (literally the day after I found out I was pregnant with dd2







), and has not napped at all for several months. Like some pps said, if she does nap then bedtime is at 10 or 11 PM. She has fallen asleep in the car three times in the last week (this never, ever, _ever_ happens, so that gives you an idea of how tired she is) and I stupidly drove around for an hour the other day knowing she needed the rest. Yeah. She was still awake at 10:20 PM that night when I gave up and left her room. She was cool with it, "Okay mama, bye bye, good night, see you tomorrow" but who knows how long she was up. And of course, she got up at 8 AM the next day







:. It's like she's geared for a 22 hour day ... 24 hours is just too many for her to get through. But I just don't have any control over that, yk?

Another thing that kills me is sleep deprivation. With dd1 not sleeping that great, and dd2 up several times to nurse (and more when we can't get her burps out, but that is a whole different saga), I am simply exhausted. And I am not a very creative parent when I'm exhausted. I resort to yelling, threats, etc.







. Since dd1 has turned 3, I feel like a failure as a parent more often than not.

Bah.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
I am not a very creative parent when I'm exhausted. I resort to yelling, threats, etc.







. Since dd1 has turned 3, I feel like a failure as a parent more often than not.

You're not alone, Honey! I sooo hear you!!!


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
A bit off topic, but my ds is absolutely obsessed with Super Why! That show is so weird, but he loves it. He could watch one episode over and over again all day if I let him. We've been watching way too much tv here, because sometimes I'm just so tired in the mornings from my night with baby dd that I don't have any energy for anything else. The guilt!

Speaking of tv...my ds has discovered PBS Kids online, and now loves playing the computer games there. Is this better or worse than watching tv? Any other 3 year olds into this?


DS loves PBSkids.org. That's how I get some time to finish my morning coffee and I figure some computer skills won't hurt him. And he was Super Why for Halloween.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

just subbing, the screaming, I can't take it. I'm so glad right now I WOH and he goes to preschool full time. The long thanksgiving weekend was brutal, screaming for no reason. I have 2 weeks off at xmas, as does ds, and don't know how I'm going to make it.


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

I'm actually looking forward to the break from school--hopefully by then we will have decided on a new school and disenrolled him from where he is now. He actually got sent home for raspberrying other kids during circle time (the teacher said he was "spitting" on the other kids). I just really don't even want to subject my child to any more of this teacher blowing normal three year old behavior out of proportion. Maybe his teacher might fit better in a position where her stern teaching style is appreciated (like a prison or an old-fashioned Catholic school). We might play hookey from school on Monday so I don't have to try to keep myself from telling this woman exactly what I think of her classroom management style.







:







:







:


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

My dd is driving us mad this weekend and of course its coinciding with the beginning of my cycle







, so I am already not in the best space. Tis the weekend for public meltdowns














: which of course make me feel even worse. Ok, I am being called...


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## jrpbrown1 (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Heheh... my secret weapon is SuperWhy, also on PBS.

I think that Super Why and Sid the Science Kid are excellent shows for 3yos. My DD loves them both. We limit her TV to an hour or less a day and have select things for her on the DVR - Super Why and Sid are on heavy rotation.


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## Gremlichita (Oct 22, 2007)

We struggle with our 3 year old too. Our newborn is definitely much easier!! We have tried to work on diet to see if it's connected. Dairy products definitely cause more tantrums. Somehow they mix up the brain chemistry and make him less rational and more emotional. I know this is true for autistic kids, so it's probably a possibility for other kids too. So we are doing the GFCF diet (gluten gives him diarrhea too). A lot of kids throw tantrums but that doesn't mean it's normal. I think a lot of kids would benefit from some cleansing and identifying food issues.


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## honeybunmom (Jan 11, 2007)

I'm still reading through the responses but am very glad I found this thread.

For me, it's the constant whining and the meltdowns when something having to do with "Baby" does not go right. Mostly it has to do with trying to pile excessive items on top of Baby's pram style stroller and the fact that the attempts are gravity defying and therefore do not and will not work. Add to that her inability to convey what she's trying to do some times and there's a kicking fit on the floor.

Like others, she'll hold her pee until the very last minute. One way to get her to go is to tell her you've got to go and challenger her to getting to the toilet first. If you fail to arrive first (which you plan to do), she sometimes demands that you whine about your failure.

Lack of sleep just ensures that a tortuous period of time will follow. Then I have to remind my husband that he cannot punish her for behavior that he/we are partly responsble for if we've kept her out and deprived her of getting the rest she needs to be someone we don't want to lock away.

Anyway, I could go on, but won't for now. And, fortuntely for this stage of development, I work outside of the home. But, that is a new cause for morning fits. "Don't go to work, Mommy!" Ugh.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

There are such swings between lovely and difficult.

This morning we had a really sweet wonderful game. We had fun playing out in the snow.

At other times it's so &%#&*#%^*#^@#$%$#







Our struggles: brushing teeth and hair, turning off the TV and getting dressed, putting on boots and coat, eating meals I prepare. Often we struggle with her getting in to the carseat without dillydallying. I was describing some of our worst moments to my counsellor, and she asked whether I had someone controlling in my life as a child. Yes, my father and gma. Sheesh. So now I'm controlling. Yes, I can see it. Yes, I know it doesn't help and I lecture too much, etc.

When I'm angry and raise my voice after not being listened to the first two or more times, she cries and says, "Mommy you're mean!" Some days I feel like such a failure. But perhaps it's not something I'm doing wrong, it's just the age group.

I'm tired.







Hugs to all.

ETA - OMG another biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig whine inducer is CANDY!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! Dh comes from a family where they had pop regularly and ate sweets. Mine was more focused on fruit and balanced healthy eating. I had to loosen my analness around this area because parenting isn't just about MY values, it's about both of ours and our families'. But geez, if the gal gets candy for a couple of days in a row then that's all she wants. And we have huge fights about it. She climbs the counters and searches the cupboards, eating red cookie sprinkles or whatever she finds like an addict! Help. We've gotta kick the candy habit, even if it means FIGHTS FIGHTS FIGHTS.

I think dd is on a growth spurt right now. She's eating and sleeping lots more.














Despite our struggles I do love her.... she's amazing. I am in awe of her. I feel distant though..... like I love her and long to be connected and close, but we fight so much some times.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

*sigh* Ah, yes, the candy issue.

Their father brought over a whole bag of Hershey's Kisses in the Christmas colored wrappers. So for a week, all I heard were demands for chocolate. DD learned to be cute about it... She'd sneak up and ask me, real sweet and quiet-like, "I have just _one_ Kiss-key's chockwit, just one... not three, not five, just one. K?" Then smile soooo adorably.







Just melted me every time. Til she learned to do it six times a day.

But, the Kiss-keys are gone now, so there was a meltdown last night. And yesterday afternoon, when I refused to give her another cup of milk (too much gives her diarrhea) and offered her a nice, yummy cup of cold water, so good for her tummy... and she proceeded to try and scream down the walls for the next half-hour. I had to put her down for a nap. I mean that.. I had to. Otherwise *I* would have screamed down the walls.

And last night in the middle of the night, after she tried to knock me in the head with an empty sippy-cup, because I would not (at 3 a.m.) get up and give her a (third) cup of juice... she screamed and kicked and twisted around, till I had to get the baby and go to the couch... which induced another screaming fit because she thought I was leaving...







Yeah.. we are tired today.

Right now, she's being cute as a button. Drawing a card for Santa Claus, to hang up for him when he comes to leave her presents.







Earlier, when I winced because something I did hurt my finger, she ran over and wrapped her arms around my leg. "S'Okay, Mama, I got you," she said. "There's noooo dinosaurs... there's noooo monsters... there's noooo ants... there's noooo excavators... I got you, okay??" That just totally turns me into a puddle.







These lil' ones... they make life worth living.


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## honeybunmom (Jan 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
Our 3yo DS has recruited the cat in his attempts to push my patience to the breaking point.

Everything is "Al (the cat) doesn't want to take a bath" and "Al wants to read another book." or this morning, "Al wants me to stay in bed and rest for a little bit more."

This is interesting because until just very recently, DS seemed to really have no interest in the cats. Our female cat is sick and now DS loves the cats. He carries the male around like a baby and calls him Sweetie.

Interesting . . . for us it's her baby doll, Baby. "Baby told me to get out of the bath tub." "Baby told me . . . ." So creative!


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## artgirl (May 17, 2002)

I do see the incredible irony in the fact that I am exhausted...more tired than I've been in my life... LONGING to take a nap... and my ds lies there, refusing to sleep.
I want to cry.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgirl* 
I do see the incredible irony in the fact that I am exhausted...more tired than I've been in my life... LONGING to take a nap... and my ds lies there, refusing to sleep. I want to cry.









Been there. It WILL pass.

Today was rough with ups and downs. Sometimes I feel so discouraged...but then I realize what we're going through is normal. Today I let my frustration fly in comments. I wish my filter was a bit better though....OTOH I am not supposed to be this ever-patient automaton, right? I am a human being and everyone has a limit. Oh mamas, I could use a few hugs.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

3 year olds are a trip...literally...

Tonight he went to sleep around 7:30 and he always wakes up between 11-12. And he ALWAYS sits outside my door in the dark and waits for me to notice him. Of course when I notices him, I freak out because he scared the poop out of me. Then I ask him what's the matter? and he said he wants water. So I carried him downstairs for water and he saids, "No I don't water." So I then carried him upstairs and put him back to bed.

Literally a trip...definitely miss the newborn stage!!!


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

For my DS, he also started blaming his brother. I said who made the mess? Justin did. Oh really? Yea


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## novaxmomof2 (Nov 3, 2008)

I think I am going to lose my mind. My 3.5 year old is DRIVING ME CRAZY! All day long he says "no" to everything I ask or say and picks on his 16 month old brother. It is even getting to my extremely patient husband lately. During my worst days (which have been every day lately) I actually dream about putting him in Mother's Day Out for a couple of days a week just so I can get a break from him and his brother can have a few hours of not being picked on and beat up. I know it sounds terrible and I'm ashamed even writing it but man it's hard right now. I feel so guilty that I don't even want to be around my own child sometimes. He can just be so impossible, defiant, and obnoxious sometimes. I don't know where my sweet little boy went! :-(


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

I just got this link from a local columnist, some good ideas here, and it seems pretty GD:

http://graphics.boston.com/education...re981210.shtml


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## catemom (Jan 9, 2007)

*Qestia* Thanks for the link to the article, it has some great suggestions!


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## VOBetz (Mar 10, 2007)

I haven't posted much, except to sub...

But - yes yes yes. My 3 year old bent two or three of the limb frames of our (fake) Christmas tree this afternoon. I was angry. We don't have a lot of money, its not like we can buy a new one this year, or next year for that matter. DH thought I was overreacting by being angry. Blah.

I did eventually calm down and talked to DS about it. He seemed concerned that I was sad and mad that the tree was broken. I don't know.

The rough-housing with his sister always ends badly, regardless of how many times DH or I ask/tell him to stop. Time outs don't work. DH wants to spank. I am against it. But - I have to come up with something else. DD keeps getting hurt.


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## mmmummy (Mar 12, 2005)

SeekingSerenity - Dude. Somehow my little girl & yours must know each other, and exchange notes









Except mine will be 4 just next month. I wonder what 4 will bring??









Oh, and Shanana..when C. is angry, she does this frustrated/annoyed growl thing that makes US feel the same!!


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## falling horse (Feb 15, 2007)

aaaaahhhhhhhh. i love mdc. i feel so much better. i really wonder sometimes if this stuff is normal. whew what a relief. two weeks before 3rd b-day my sweet little man became "difficult" amazing but uncooperative. i feel that if i am careful to start the day without arguing the whole day goes better. i noticed that dh finds it more difficult to be "easy going." on the weekends when he is around things are tougher. saying yes to everything i can and giving choices helps avoid getting "his back up against the wall" humor in general and the "talking objects" works great. i have been questioning my "fitness" to parent a second child, we want a second. i cant bear to let anyone else raise him, but i am taking more time to myself when i can. thanks mamas!


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

subbing


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

Has anyone noticed that 3 1/2 is a little easier then 3?

Although, he is not getting anymore cooperative and the whining is driving me up the wall. Thank god, he goes to preschool today.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 
Has anyone noticed that 3 1/2 is a little easier then 3?

Hmmm... not really...









Mine is becoming more independent. This sounds like a really good thing. And in some cases it is. In others, it's a PITA. She won't let me do ANYTHING for her unless she asks.

It's okay, she wants to dress herself. She wears a blue striped shirt with red flower pants... okay, it's her choice. Shirt's on backwards, that's okay too, if it's not uncomfortable. Later in the day she changes to a rainbow-butterfly printed skirt. Still okay. But when she sits on the potty, I want to help her hold the skirt up in back (for the obvious reasons). It results in a screaming, kicking rebellion because "I CAN DO IT!!!!! I CAN DO IT MYSELF!!!!" I have to let her... and the skirt ends up wet. Now she won't let me change it. I can't let her run around in a pee-soaked skirt, but she runs screeching through the house at the mere suggestion of changing.









Eventually I convince her to pick out something else, take the wet skirt off, put it in the clothes hamper, put the new clothes on, even have to let her put the skirt in the washing machine herself.. you get the picture.









The whole process took about an hour. If I could have just held up the skirt for her, or even been allowed to show her how she could do it herself, it would have taken about 14 seconds.

She's trying to clip her own fingernails right now. Thank goodness for safety clippers.


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## tjjazzy (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
Potty? Ha! What is a potty? All summer DS would go in the morning, at daycare and whenever we were not at home. We were just on the cusp of getting things moving at home..

Now, nothing. He could care less if his pants are wet. Tells me he doesn't need to pee than seconds later crawls up on the couch and pees everywhere and so on. V. frustrating.

really?! i thought it was just me. i swear EVERY parent we know has a potty trained kid. some are younger, some are older but they are ALL in undies. and my kid is doing what you've described here. WHY?
otherwise, he's fairly well-behaved. he has his moments but mostly he's fine. just the pottying. we've been doing this potty learning for SO long (since september--it's now march) and going by HIS cues. why does he keep reverting? as soon as someone rewards him for it, it's like he gets overwhelmed and reverts again.


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## zoshamosha (Apr 15, 2006)

I need this threat today.

My 3.5 YO has become really, really aggressive, mostly to her baby brother. She WAILS on him, really violently. It's totally awful. She gets this really mean face and clenches her teeth and goes after him with her claws and kicks him. She'll grab him by the neck and start pulling and pulling and the baby's screaming. She'll stop at nothing to get him. She's like a pitbull. The only thing I can even do to get her off of him is to pull her hair, which distracts her and she lets go--which makes me feel even more awful.

She says she loves her brother and doesn't know why she does this. She doesn't do this with other kids. Then she feels really bad and cries and apologizes, but this goes on and on, several times a day. I've yelled, I've done time-outs. Nothing works, she just gets angier. Today she started raging toward her brother and I asked her to take out her aggression on my arm instead. She hit and kicked my arm for about a minute and then seemed much better. Other than these brief episodes of complete rage,she's an easygoing kid who is really fun to hang out with.

I don't know what this is...maybe she just needs an outlet for her aggression? I'm signing her up for karate.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

TeresaZofia -







It's scary and unpleasant to see our child hurting their sibling! When I read your post I thought of the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Mazlich and Faber. I was skimming through it and saw ways they suggest to help children lessen their violence towards each other, etc.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TeresaZofia* 
Today she started raging toward her brother and I asked her to take out her aggression on my arm instead. She hit and kicked my arm for about a minute and then seemed much better.

I've read on a few threads here that some mamas have found it helpful to offer the child a safe object to take out some aggression on like a specific pillow or stuffed animal. It might allow your daughter to get out whatever it is she needs to get out without hurting anyone.


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## zoshamosha (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Surfacing* 
TeresaZofia -







It's scary and unpleasant to see our child hurting their sibling! When I read your post I thought of the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Mazlich and Faber. I was skimming through it and saw ways they suggest to help children lessen their violence towards each other, etc.

Thanks, I'll order the book!


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
I've read on a few threads here that some mamas have found it helpful to offer the child a safe object to take out some aggression on like a specific pillow or stuffed animal. It might allow your daughter to get out whatever it is she needs to get out without hurting anyone.

I've also suggested this idea to someone who has real difficulty in finding a good way to cope with one child's tantrum while keeping everyone else safe too, and while needing to be able to offer attention to all needy ones in such a moment.
However, I suggested without ever having done it myself.

She said it would definitely not work for her child, since the anger and energy/violence of the tantrum was acted towards HER, or siblings, because that's the way for the child to get himself 'understood' in that moment. So no use to try and redirect the energy. She tried to say the violent tantrums are more like needing to feel heard (and as a last 'solution' for the child) and therefore directing him/herself TO SOMEONE, and that it so wasn't about getting energy out.

And well, I must give her right. It's the same for my DS2, and also DS1 when he has an occasional 'tantrum'. Trying to redirect the energy would likely make it worse since they would feel it as rejection to 'listen' from my side. They attack me, or each other because they want to be heard.

I still have no wonderpotion for children not getting wild/violent/hurting others during rage. But I think the best thing you can do, in the long run, is try to help them in wording their frustration verbally to the other person. And be present, even when getting attacked. And THEN maybe the 'hitting pillow' may become an additional help, for some.
Walking away from a tantruming child triggers them even more, and I don't blame them for that, it's likew being rejected when feeling VERY angry, and that is very hurtful too.
I would only walk away when I feel that I myself may be loosing it because of the loud 'tantrum' and have one myself... I do try to word that need for space to my child and hope he'll eventually get this.
But it's a very last solution for myself, too.


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## Minoh (Jan 19, 2006)

:

Subbing so I can find this again!


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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

I'm only on page 2 of the replies, but I feel like I am home!







My 3-year-old girls are lovely, smart, funny little people. Until something doesn't go the way they want it to go, then all is lost. New fears (loud noises, darkness, the doorknob...) appear daily, and some disappear almost as quickly. They ask to wear panties,then pee in them with abandon. I see someone pooping in her diaper and ask if she wants the potty, and I get a resounding no. But then we're in the car, one has to poop, and I tell her we can go to the potty in the airport (we were going to catch a flight) and she holds it for 15 minutes and poops in the airport bathroom like she's done it all her life.

They bite each other, hit, pull hair, and screech so shrilly that I'm amazed we still have windows. Then as I am trying to talk to them about the altercation and how not to have that happen again, they run off hugging and kissing, oblivious to me.

My friend read a book called something like "Your 3-year-old: Friend or Enemy" which said that preschool was basically invented to stop people from killing their 3-year-olds.


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## honeybunmom (Jan 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 
Has anyone noticed that 3 1/2 is a little easier then 3?

Although, he is not getting anymore cooperative and the whining is driving me up the wall. Thank god, he goes to preschool today.

I don't know if it's easier, but it is at least different. The struggles now, as compared to in December, are around going to the bathroom when she needs to go. She simply does not want to go. We will be welcoming a new baby in a few weeks and I wonder how much of her behavior is connecting to the impending event.

She's also very big on manners right now. "You have to say excuse me!!!!!" She's constantly admonishing my husband and I for speaking while she is. Or when we're in conversation and I speaking passionately, she asks me to please not be mad at Papi. Or to not fight. When we're not.

And she's screaming at my husband for touching her. I swear those two are like two children. I have had to remind him that my concern is that, as the most important man in her life, that, even though he loves touching her cheeks, what he is teaching her is that she must endure touching from a male if it brings him pleasure no matter how many times she has asked/told him to stop. I cannot even believe I've had to repeat this to him more than once. At least he immediately apologizes to her for not respecting her boundaries.

She still wants certain things just so. Mostly when it comes to her asking you to draw something. She'll pitch a fit if you haven't managed to peer inside her head and draw the image that she's created there. Thank goodness we're moving on to some crafts that she's enjoying. I've told her I don't enjoy being yelled at so, I do not want to draw for her. Plus, I don't enjoy drawing. She'll promise not to yell at me even if she doesn't like it. Or better yet, not scribble all over my efforts just because I've failed to meet her standards yet again. Again, though, I think we've moved beyond the drawing requests.


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## Nekawa Ma (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
I am really struggling with this age, and struggling with my own reactions to ds's behavior. It's really hard to explain to others (without 3-yr-olds) what makes the days so difficult. It's like every single thing you do during the day is questioned, challenged, rejected, changed slightly, subjected to complaints or whining...after a while you just feel sort of worthless, from being pushed around all day. At the end of the day, I just wish I could hear ds say, "ok, Mom" to something, anything.

YES! Thank you!!!! I could have written these exact words about my current relationship with my dd. She will be 3 next month. Your words are so empathetic with my situation that they brought tears of gratitude to my eyes. I didn't know that anyone could understand how hard it is to deal with.


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NicaG* 
I am really struggling with this age, and struggling with my own reactions to ds's behavior. It's really hard to explain to others (without 3-yr-olds) what makes the days so difficult. It's like every single thing you do during the day is questioned, challenged, rejected, changed slightly, subjected to complaints or whining...after a while you just feel sort of worthless, from being pushed around all day. At the end of the day, I just wish I could hear ds say, "ok, Mom" to something, anything....Oh, man, I am just burned out! It does help to have somewhere to vent.

Hmm yeah. That brings a light on my sometimes 'defensive/offended/cranky' reaction, when dh comes home while I'm (still







struggling cfr. watching kids and







preparing dinner and he (occasionally, not always







) has to comment on the way I prepare the food or on anything else







. It's often not meant as negative criticism but it is just so what I do NOT need after al the struggles and negativism from 7 in the morning untill past 7, evenings! Doesn't set a good vibe for us for the rest of the evening...
By communicating about it, it helps for both of us to recognise the need for not saying things at certain moments if you have the presence of mind to think about that







, or to see that your comment/reaction was not perceived nicely and correct/appologise for it as soon as you realise this.
Also, focussing on having dinner ready and eaten by the time dh comes home works better than preparing it towards the time he comes home (some days my kids get hungry early sometimes late, depending on their activities during the day and their snack food intake in the afternoon), being able to determine when to set dinner earlier or later is also an evening life-saver during the challenging childhood years.


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## demottm (Nov 15, 2006)

My 3yo has been out of control lately...he is trying to give up his nap, but cycles through being tired a couple of times before he finally gives in and just goes to sleep. I guess that I will appreciate the earlier time for him to be asleep, but it is like living in hell for the afternoon.

I have been in therapy just trying to cope with everything that has been going on(we had ds2 in october and I have some PPD to deal with). I just keep telling myself that someday he will be grown and gone and I will miss him.


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## PhoenixMommaToTwo (Feb 22, 2006)

Oooh, so glad I stumbled onto this thread. Subbing! Nak, but I'll totally be back.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

We've had a great couple of days. I think the only tantrum yesterday was right after his nap when I didn't cut his bread right.







But he doesn't wake up pleasant and never has.

I'm trying to take my mom's advice: "you can't change him, but you can change your reaction to him." Specifically, I'm trying to control the yelling and power struggles.


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *funkymamajoy* 
We've had a great couple of days. I think the only tantrum yesterday was right after his nap when I didn't cut his bread right.







But he doesn't wake up pleasant and never has.

I'm trying to take my mom's advice: "you can't change him, but you can change your reaction to him." Specifically, I'm trying to control the yelling and power struggles.

Yes. I am actually gettig pretty good about this! Not so much less tantrums, loooool. But a mommy that has the partience to deal with it respectfully even when it's hard on her (understatement!). Sometimes failing, but mostly not.


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## forlovebaby (Apr 4, 2009)

I just got this link from a local columnist.


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## amis2girls (Mar 2, 2005)

How does everyone get their 3yos into their carseats? This takes a good 5 minutes including all the "no no I do it myself!", "don't look at me!", fighting with her sisters, and becoming interested in something besides sitting down. Our car trips are short and quick. It takes as long to get her buckled as it does to arrive at our destination.

I'd love some ideas. She always ends up in tears.


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## peachopotamus (Feb 18, 2009)

DD is three will be four in August. After reading some of the posts here I feel better about her behavior. I'm so thankful that we aren't the only ones. I get so much pressure from family to spank/force my will upon her







I miss the connection we used to have. I find that if we cook together, give her time to nap/rest/nurse, let her get her grumpies out at the park things go so much better. I just don't have the energy to keep her engaged all day. Lately, we have been trying some playful parenting but I haven't read the book yet. The spitting and biting and hitting she does really gets to me. It is mostly focused on her father. She is sweet one minute then the next she bites or hits him. Always being on alert is exhausting. She is also very sweet and thoughtful. She loves saying thank you and excuse me and helping with her little brother. I wish she was able to ask me for what she needs rather than getting attention in negative ways.







Sometimes I just feel controlled by a little terrorist and I don't feel like giving her the unconditional love she needs. It's good to hear others dealing with similar behavior. It's better just to think of them as little savages and not expect to much.


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## PhoenixMommaToTwo (Feb 22, 2006)

My ds turned three in November and we had our third baby beginning of March and since then it's been non-stop tantrums and misbehavior. All of this on top of trying to potty train (notice I said trying). I'm trying to keep in mind that he's going through a pretty trying time adjusting to have a little brother and not being the baby anymore, but sometimes it's hard to keep my persepective. Especially when he's outright being defiant. I know that most of his misbehavior is a way to get attention and I feel horrible because there are some days when I just don't have enough to go around and he becomes the typical middle child. We're homeschooling my dd so she's getting extra attention. It's a struggle to say the least


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Three has been a pretty intense and exhausting age for us. I came searching here yesterday for SOMETHING to give me some hope. This thread actually made me and my dh feel better. It's not us and it's not our ds. It's the AGE. I knew this, but my goodness, sometimes you just need to know you are not alone in the madness.


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## lokismama (Mar 2, 2011)

I am so glad to have found this thread! My little boy is 3.5 and I am so relieved to read so much that sounds just like him!


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## slgt (Feb 21, 2007)

lokismama - I also just found this thread, even if it is a couple years old! DD#1 is 3.5, and this thread describes her to a T! DH and I were just talking last night about how to better manage ourselves with her, how to just be at peace with the fact that this is a phase and how can we best draw boundaries and coach her through it. Because it sucks for all of us! It doesn't help that her little sister, 1, is really turning into a person who demands attention, competes for attention, etc. DD#1 is a great big sister, and they do play together sometimes....but the rest of it?

Loving kindness. Loving kindness. Loving kindness. Loving kindness. That's my mantra....


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Oh man, it's really hilarious that this thread has been revived. Hilarious and (actually) a bit depressing, too. When I first contributed, back in 08, my ds was 3 and his sister was a newborn. Now she's 3 and I'm back in this crazy, exhausting, adorable, whiny, bossy stage. At least I'm able to LMAO at some of the posts this time


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## blackbird2 (Apr 14, 2008)

Wow, I'm also totally appreciating this thread! Such a relief to hear others describe normal 3 yr old behavior, in addition to seeing it IRL among DS's friends. My trust in my own parenting really needs a boost right now after two aweful visits with my family: my mom says DS is a tyrant because we're too permissive and tries to take over parenting for us - the best is when he's loosing it over something (crying from frustration, etc) and she tries to tell him "you just stop that right now, that's enough", making him more upset, since now he's getting yelled at. Anyway, trying not to just rant about my family....

Patience, compassion, and reminding myself that I can change my own reactions .....

Thanks everyone!


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## Picard (May 10, 2009)

Thanks for this thread. DS is 3 and can be the most delightful person. Tonight he was a sweet, engaging, cooperative angel. This afternoon, he needed a nap and, as sometimes happens, became unmanageable. After a few minutes, I calmed him down with being really sweet and nice with him, but I did have to constrain him a few times, because he was hurting me. Those are trying times.

We engage DS in our daily lives, discuss things with him, give him choices, he has a voice in this household, and we let him be his person. Since about two months, we have reverted to bringing him to his room for a few minutes when he truly misbehaves. It mostly gives us parents a few minutes to switch gears and not be angry with him. I'm not even sure if this approach works and am actually planning on ditching it. In any case, we love him dearly.

We had a family holiday and my mother was seriously not impressed with him, me, and how I was raising him. She's pretty old-school and thought that he had too much power for such a little boy. In the end, she disowned him and we cut our holiday with her short! I am so sad for DS, not to mention sad that he has been judged on his behavior as a three-year old. I'm heartened to read the comments, because this event has chipped away at my self-confidence as a mother. Reading the comments, I am reassured that he is just being a 3 year old and we'll continue raising him as respectfully as we possibly can.


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## biophdmom (Feb 24, 2010)

Love this thread! I'm another who appreciates hearing that mine is not abnormal  but boy...I remember when she was 2 and I would think "if only she could express herself, this would be easier!" now everything is a debate/argument!

One of our biggest struggles right now (she's 3.5) is the not listening. Basically, I have to tell her something 5 times in order for it to get done and half the time it still only gets done by ultimatum (which I hate doing). For example, its bedtime and its time to brush teeth. Toothpaste is on the toothbrush, water in the cup, etc. And yet she just fiddles with something, anything (sometimes, she decides its the perfect time for a heart to heart, which I hate to interrupt but these can go on and on







) and doesn't brush. So it becomes, Ok, brush your teeth. a little bit later. Please, just brush your teeth. Etc. Until finally I have to be like "if the toothbrush doesn't get in your mouth, I'm going to brush for you." And then finally she does it.

Some days, it feels like this with everything







and I hate that it gets me SO frustrated!


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Thought all you long-suffering parents of 3yos would appreciate this:

http://www.rantsfrommommyland.com/2011/07/top-ten-reasons-why-3-is-worse-than-2.html


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## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

Oh man so glad to see this thread alive....

DS has me just at the end of my ropes. And it doesn't help my Mommy guilt that my 6-month-old DD is in my favorite stage ever... babbling, smiling, I love my Mommy, can't quite get anywhere too far... while DS (who turns 3 Wednesday) is roaming around with OCD brain correcting my cleaning! Refolding his clothes! And screaming if I move something in just.the.wrong.way. I picked an interesting stage to become a SAHM







.

I can so relate to the ultimatum thing. "Please put your underwear back on". "Not right now." "Yes, dear, right now." "Maybe not." "Put your underwear back on, please sweetheart." "No." "We have to wear underwear to go out to the store." "No, I don't want to." "Okay, sweetie, come here, I can put them on for you." "NO, you not put them on. I can do myself." "Okay sweetie, go ahead". "No, mom." "PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR ON or it's naptime (or other nonsensible things like we're staying home today (no we're not) or no book in the car (uh? I need him to have his book so he doesn't drive me nuts...))"..... I HATE it but I just can't seem to avoid it!

To you other struggling mamas to 3 y/o's... how do you cope with all the built up CRAP? All day it's all I can do not to SCREAM at him, or hit him, or do timeout or what-have-you. There are moments where I TOTALLY get why mainstream parents discipline the way they do!!!!! And then after holding it in all day, I end up freaking out on DH about how hard my day is, and shutting down completely. It's not his fault he doesn't understand.







I hate feeling so resentful, especially about my own kid! Where'd my little sweetheart go?


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

My DD will be 3 in October, but all the stuff that's being mentioned in this thread started with her about 6 weeks ago. The defiance, the attitude, the constant bossing around. Yikes. I work full-time outside the home & I save up every bit of energy that I can to get through my evenings with her.










At my best, I'm able to bring some humor and playfulness into things, and that helps. But I'm not always at my best.

Someone mentioned that this is a glimpse of what the teenage years might be like. Double yikes.


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## JanineRivera (Dec 13, 2009)

It has taken me a couple of days to read through all the posts but they have been so helpful. I just feel so terrible after using ultimatums and yelling to get my dd to do something or stop something. My dh and I are both at the ends of our rope. We definitely need to employ some new tactics because what we are doing is just not working for everyone. I think I may need to read a book about this but I am just so exhausted and already reading 3 books for other things all while being 35 weeks pregnant with twins, ugh! Thanks for listening


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## Mama2Rio (Oct 25, 2008)

I am in very much need of support right now. DD turned 3 in july and it was her birthday things seem to be sliding down hill and i'm at the end of my rope clinging to hopes of a 'good' day. DD never had a tantrum until her birthday and now we have one at least once a day. I still can't figure out the triggers. I keep her well fed and she always has access to snacks. Some times the day just begins with a tantrum, so it's not being tired. I try to keep her busy so she doesn't get board too. I stay home with her more now because i just don't want to deal with her constant screaming, crying, running around in public. anything i give her to do, she has no interest after a few minutes, some times she will just sit and look at books for a while but that's only for 30 mins or so.

Yesterday started out okay but we were getting ready to go out for the day and the dog always comes. she was so upset that the dog was going to be in the car with us, it was a 45 min car ride of crying about the dog. DH and I couldn't talk because every time we tried to she would scream more. Then we dropped the dog off at my brother's and took DH to work. I took her to the splash pad for about 2 hrs and it was fine. We planned on going to a movie in the late afternoon because it's just too hot to be outside all day. getting into the car to go to the movies took a good 20 mins then 10 mins to get back out to see the movie. after about an hour she starts running around the theater and trying to talk to other people. i took her out and asked her to be quiet or we have to leave if she can't sit quiet and watch the movie. well, within 10 min she was at it again so we left, the movie was almost over anyway but that was another big tantrum about not being able to watch the end when she wasn't watching it at that point any way. then we go to DH's work for his lunch break and it took a good 20 min to get her out of the car and another 15 to get her into the building. I was bit a few times yesterday (this is new something she NEVER did before now) and she's hit me a few times in the past, things she only does to me.

I'm so done at this point. I feel like I'm being a bad mom because i'm growing just numb to the screaming. I don't know if it's just best to not respond or talk to her about how she's feeling because nothing helps. Yesterday I was in tears it was just such a bad day. She can be so loving at times, for me she's just this monster and for DH it's another story, she's mostly well behaved with a few minor issues. for any one else she's super sweet doesn't have tantrums and i'm starting to think i've done something wrong for her to act the way she does with me.

I just keep telling myself it's a passing phase but i don't know how i'm going to get through it.


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## ms sig (Dec 30, 2007)

Oh goodness, I just found this thread. I feel relieved that people are going through the same thing is me. I'll go back and read through it all when I get the chance, but from what I've seen -- whoa! I was starting to feel so alone - my friend's kids seem so well adjusted. I was shocked that DD had be acting more difficult lately and throwing even more tantrums. She'll be 3 in October, so I thought that we were almost through with the terrible twos, which began at about 18 months for us and more or less lived up to their description. I'm not ready at all for this. I feel like I'm spending nearly all of my energy trying to keep her from flipping out, or getting her to do the most basic things like get dressed or eat. And god forbid working on the delicate dance of potty training (which is required by the time she starts school in November). And my 10-month-old DS doesn't get nearly as much attention as I'd like to give him since I'm always just trying to deal with her. I'm a SAHM and my days are sooo long. It's really hard to get her going on a task -- "Do you want to do this?" "NO!" I've been letting her watch TV lately since I don't know what else to do. Usually not more than 45 minutes a day, but one day last week I let her watch for an hour and half. I hate it, but I don't know how to deal otherwise. I feel like such a crappy mom. She's also such a picky eater; sometimes I just worry that she's flipping out because she's hungry, but it's not by lack of offering. Sigh.


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## Skippy918 (Jul 15, 2008)

My son just turned 3 and I feel like everything is a constant battle with him. It's exhausting! And then the littlest thing can set him off, like giving him the wrong cup or putting some food on his plate that he didn't pick out. Then he'll cry about it for 20 mins.

We were doing well on the potty-training, but now he says he doesn't like the potty anymore. He's back to pooping in his diaper, which then he fails to tell us about it and then when we notice it, he doesn't want a diaper change. It turns into a game of chase. He'll use the potty at daycare though. Glad to see it's not just us going through these battles.


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## anjsmama (Apr 6, 2011)

Yeah - so there with you. We did the no-potty-I-wanna-be-a-baby game 2 weeks ago here. I'm on the move, out of the house all the time, and have a 7 m/o... I wasn't cleaning up accidents all day everyday, so he went back to diapers. Advice - go with it. After a few days, I said he could be a baby. Not just diapers - but he also got to take 3 naps/day in the crib (okay, my baby doesn't actually nap in the crib but you know....), play with baby-safe toys only, not help in the kitchen - you get my drift. I was very nice/funny about it, and he thought it was really fun for like 5 minutes. It only lasted a day and a half after that, and we've been more than a week back in underwear with no issues.

The random yelling is what's killing me right now. Like everything's cool, we're sitting there playing, and then "MOM!! I HUNGRY I want a SNACK RIGHT NOW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Why is everything SO intense with a 3-year-old?

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Skippy918*
> 
> My son just turned 3 and I feel like everything is a constant battle with him. It's exhausting! And then the littlest thing can set him off, like giving him the wrong cup or putting some food on his plate that he didn't pick out. Then he'll cry about it for 20 mins.
> 
> We were doing well on the potty-training, but now he says he doesn't like the potty anymore. He's back to pooping in his diaper, which then he fails to tell us about it and then when we notice it, he doesn't want a diaper change. It turns into a game of chase. He'll use the potty at daycare though. Glad to see it's not just us going through these battles.


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## SallyN (Feb 5, 2008)

Ah... Disequilibrium of Age Three is what I call it. I think we should get t-shirts after we survive it.

The good news (and what carried me through) was the reassurance that it was a normal part of the developmental process and NOT an indicator that I was doing anything wrong.

Here's a short article from the same group that publishes the Ames & Ilg books: http://www.gesellinstitute.org/pdf/DevelopmentalPOV.pdf


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## morganlefay (Nov 13, 2007)

Wow, I'm glad I found this thread. So many of the descriptions match DD1 (3.5). I had my second DD three months ago, and I was wondering if the new baby was just too much stress on her--but now I'm wondering if it's mainly just her age? She has these tantrums that come out of nowhere, and it's really hard to calm her down once she gets going. And everything becomes a power struggle--her new favorite saying is "that's not fair!" Meals are catastrophes. I WOH and miss her all day, but then I get home and I never know if she's going to be the sweet girl that hugs and loves on me or the "other one" who fights me at every turn. She was a very high needs infant; then around ages one and two things became so much easier--until recently! I'm blessed that DD2 is a relatively mellow baby; otherwise, I'd be completely underwater. Some days I hate myself for getting so angry at DD1. I try not to yell (but usually fail). I try to figure out what's bothering her and address it so she knows that I really do care--but nothing seems to work if she's really worked up. It hurts my heart that she gets so miserable sometimes--part of her is just defiant but then at other times I can tell that she can't help how she feels. I just want to make it better.

On the positive side, it's amazing to watch how quickly her speech, play, and imagination are developing. If I'm not paying attention, she will get on my laptop and put cartoons on the Netflix queue


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## Skippy918 (Jul 15, 2008)

Recently DS has been procrastinating everything, from getting dressed in the morning to going to bed at night. And then today, he refused to eat with utensils.


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

I'm hoping someone can give me some insight on this...

DD has become incredibly picky about what she wears, and I can't deal with it. The weather just cooled significantly here, so it's time for her legs to be covered. There are literally only 2 pairs of leggings that she'll wear, both size 2T (which is too small...she's in a 3T-4T now). She's always been picky about pants (she won't wear jeans) but we have a drawer full of nice comfy knit pants that used to be fine...until about 2 weeks ago. Now only the leggings will do. My partner bought another 2 pairs at a consignment store yesterday, but nope, those won't do. Only the 2 pairs we have.

I try really hard to give her choices & let her pick out her own clothes. I don't care if things "match" or look good by my standards. But I do want her to be dressed appropriately for the weather. On Monday, she refused to put on a pair of pants and both pairs of leggings were in the laundry. I wasn't going to send her outside in 60 degree weather with bare legs. She had the biggest tantrum of her life. I had to cancel a play date (we were going to meet her friend at the park). I felt like a hostage in our house until the laundry got done and she could put on the leggings. Then we were able to go out in the afternoon.

This morning was another huge battle before school. Luckily I did laundry last night so one of her "acceptable" pairs of leggings was clean. She rejected all the shirts I tried to put on her because they weren't "cute." What the heck? I don't understand why one thing is "cute" and another is not. I feel like I have a 13-year-old.

Can anyone relate? How do I deal with this? I can't have a battle over clothing every single morning. There's a big consignment sale in town later this week, and I want to buy some new things that she'll wear. But I don't even know what will work and what won't. HELP!!!!


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## biophdmom (Feb 24, 2010)

I'm not sure I can offer insight but I can commiserate! My dd will only wear dresses. Like you said, now that the weather is getting cooler, its going to be tricky! It's also frustrating because she had so many really adorable summer-y pants/capris outfits (her clothes are almost entirely hand-m-downs from cousins) that I would try to convince her to wear and she just wouldn't. But I definitely learned last year, yes this has been going on since last year!, to stock up on the thick cotton tights and leggings.


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## blackbird2 (Apr 14, 2008)

Yeah, I can relate. My only advice is to try your very best not to care what they wear. Pack or bring appropriate clothing if you suspect they'll be unhappy and uncomfortable. It can be super frustrating, but ... so is arguing over clothing.

The other week DS walked half a block in a pair of my shoes because he was mom. And he's been sleeping in fleece footed pjs for the last month although it is nowhere near cold. I don't really let his extremes change what I buy or wash, but everyone's gotta do what keeps them sane. Eventually the 'big deal' will be something else.


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## Surfer Rosa (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *blackbird2*
> 
> Yeah, I can relate. My only advice is to try your very best not to care what they wear. Pack or bring appropriate clothing if you suspect they'll be unhappy and uncomfortable. It can be super frustrating, but ... so is arguing over clothing.
> 
> The other week DS walked half a block in a pair of my shoes because he was mom. And he's been sleeping in fleece footed pjs for the last month although it is nowhere near cold. I don't really let his extremes change what I buy or wash, but everyone's gotta do what keeps them sane. Eventually the 'big deal' will be something else.


Yup. So funny: I posted in this thread about my DD when she was three (three years ago, and I still remember the PAIN), and my son is now three, and although he is a way more chilled out three than she was, he is still prone to the rages and obsessions. He is currently obsessed with knights and wears a tunic EVERY DAY. I've found the best thing to do is just roll with it. If you can't dress goofy at three, when can you?!

My DD would wear only dresses/skirts until earlier this year...we just learned to layer things. She was okay with leggings, long sleeved shirts, etc, as long as a dress was involved somewhere.

Good luck, everyone. Stock up on wine or chocolate


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

Thanks for sharing, everyone! I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this.

We just stocked up on leggings and I'm hoping they'll work for her. She tried on a pair this morning...they were a little big on her...and she said "these are pants" (meaning: I don't want to wear these). I asked her what makes them pants, and she said "they're wiggly." That was helpful for me...I think she wants really tight things on her legs because she doesn't like the feeling of fabric moving around on her skin. So, we'll try to work with that.

I cleaned out her dresser, put away everything she doesn't like or isn't seasonal, and put in all the new leggings and things that she likes. I'll let her pick what she wants to wear each day, and we'll see how it goes! Today, she changed clothes 4 times before breakfast.

OK, now I'm off to take some good advice from fridgeart and eat some chocolate.


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## SkyMomma (Jul 13, 2006)

I actually really enjoy 3year olds (insert shameful face smiley), although my DS1 was a high-needs, intense baby who became a very high-needs, intense 3year old (& DS2 - turning 3 in a few weeks - is going to be the same). For me it's about appreciating the push-pull of burdgening independance.

For DH1, 3 was the year of no more diapers, getting his own bed, developing real kid friendships, and weaning.

3 was the year that DS1 went from being my baby to my buddy - my partner on adventures and my coffeehouse date.

It was the beginning of moving from picture books to chapter books (we love Pooh bear!), and being able to play board games, and have real conversations.

3 was the year when imaginative play moved from pure imitation to something richer, with storylines and characters and costumes.

Yes, in the midst of all that growing up there was a LOT of "No" & tantrums & not listening & sleep issues (STTN? what's that?). And yes, the direct defiance pushed my buttons in ways that those fussy babies just didn't. But still...the overall picture of the year was one of exciting growth. I think DS2 will have a similiar trajectory. At least, I hope  Because 3 with DS1 was incredibly challenging, but sooooo wonderful.


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## momma22boys (Jan 1, 2011)

Maybe I can get some help here. My DS1 turned 3 in Aug. and started preschool a month ago. He continues to tell me that he doesn't want to go, but his teachers tell me that he seems fine at school. He plays with the other kids and smiles and laughs. He says that he likes his teacher and he has made a friend, but every morning he says that he doesn't want to go to school. He has pretty much been home with me since day one. There was a short time where he went to daycare when I went back to school, but that plan fell threw when I became pregnant and we moved for my husbands job. I have always made it a point to listen to him and respect his feelings the best that I can (as long as it doesn't harm anyone else) and we are a very attached family. I feel that forcing him to go if he is unhappy is harmful to our relationship and the trust that we have built over the past 3 years. I kind of seems to me to be a CIO approach to school, "just give him enough time and he will stop asking to stay home" well isn't that because I haven't listened to him when he has tried in the best way he knows how to tell me that he is unhappy with school. I would really like to pull him out. Has anyone else had this issue with their LO when they started school? Has anyone ever pulled there child out of school because they didn't seem ready? How did you come to this dissuasion? I feel like we have given him time to adjust and he is not adjusting well. My DH is on board with pulling him out. Do you think pulling him out will make it harder later for him when he has to go to kindergarten? Any thoughts are helpfull.


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

In terms of school, here was our experience.

We started DD at a Montessori pre-school when she was 29 months old. The transition was rough and took about a month. She was fine for the first few days, then she figured out what was really happening and she was very upset. As soon as we mentioned "it's a school day" in the morning, she'd start crying, and the drop-off itself was painful...lots of tears, the teachers would have to pry her off my neck, etc. But she'd be happy when we picked her up, and we were hearing that once we left, she was fine.

Our situation is that we're 2 working parents, so we need to have care for our child. We hired an excellent nanny who has been like a 3rd parent to DD. (The nanny is a parent of a son, practices AP, has been a great resource for us & a wonderful influence on DD.) So transitioning from that to school was hard, but we had to do it for financial reasons, plus we felt like DD really was ready for more socialization with other kids.

The good news is, DD will turn 3 in 2 weeks and she LOVES school. She loves her teachers, has lots of friends, has a great time at school. It just took awhile to make the transition.

Every kid & every family is different, so I think our experience wouldn't necessarily be right for everyone. But I would say, that 1 month is not a very long time to make the transition to school. For a kid who is used to an "at home" environment and the undivided attention of an adult, going to school is a big transition. But that doesn't mean it's the wrong choice. If you feel good about the school & you're getting feedback that your child is having a good experience while he's there, it may be fine. A few more weeks may make a big difference.


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

IDK if this will help, but DS went through something similar. He started preschool mid-year last year and LOVED it. He was going two mornings a week and I was regretting not sending him more b/c he seemed to love it. Then summer came, and I enrolled him in the school's day camp program, which was 5 mornings a week for two weeks. He had the same teacher (plus one new one, who would be his teacher for this school year), was in the same classroom, and had some of the same kids (plus some new kids) in his class. He hated it for the first week. He told me he didn't want to go, that the teachers (including the receptionist and director) were mean, and he wasn't having fun. Not the same story I got from the staff there, and certainly not at all what I saw when I'd spy on him.

By the middle of the second week, he was doing fine. My only guess is that the change in schedule was overwhelming to him. I think for him at this age, having the same activity every day is somehow too much. We have always had activities practically every day, since he hates to be at home. But the activities have always been different: one day is gymnastics, then school, then library day, then school again, then errands or children's museum or something else. When it's school or gymnastics every day, it's a problem. (He did a one-week gymnastics day camp later in the summer at his gym which he loves, and had the same issue with suddenly not wanting to go once he'd been two days in a row.)

Now he's back at school three days a week, but even at school each day is different: One day is just a regular short day, one day is a longer day where he stays for lunch, and one day is a short day, but they do "water day" where the kids show up in swim suits and play outside in the water. So for him, it seems to be about variety, whereas he has a friend who is doing much better now that she's at school five days a week and every day is the same.

Is he in school every day? Can you reduce it to 3 days a week and see if that helps? He may just be missing time at home with you, even though he really likes school. Or, if it's a school that's only 5 days a week, can you plan a special fun activity every day when you pick him up, so he has something to look forward to? Like library, or park or something that can be your special bonding time?


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