# Please talk me out of letting me daughter CIO!



## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

I am a breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping (room sharing, Not bed sharing if I can help it) mom and I am ashamed to write this:

My daughter was born at 36weeks and came home heavily jaundiced after a few days in the NICU. We were given strict instructions to feed her every 2 hours to increase the amount of poop and pee which, I'm told, is the body's best way for fighting jaundice. In addition, she was born with a "weak suck" reflex and was unable to nurse at all for the first 6 weeks of life. So the schedule went like this 2am nurse 10-15mins each side for a total of 30 mins. (No, she was not actually getting breastmilk during these sessions but we wanted her to remain familiar with the breast.) Then I fed her with a bottle of expressed breastmilk. This would take 15-20mins. Then I put her down and pumped for 30 minutes to get up and keep up my milk supply. (This was a challenge.) After all of this I had somewhere between 30 and 40 minutes to sleep, eat, shower, whatever.

Now my daughter is 4 1/2 months old and has kept to the 2 hour eating schedule without fail. After she eats it take me 20-40 minutes for get her asleep enough to put down. AND THEN, I lay in bed for at least 20 minutes trying to wind down myself enough to sleep.

My daughter does not fuss the way that most babies do. She goes straight to the high-pitched, back arched, gut wrenching cry and it not soothed by any traditional methods (walking, rocking, dancing, singing, white noise, swaddleing, bouncing, swinging, shushing, car rides, etc.)

I have recently began bringing her into bed with me when she wakes up after the 10:00pm feeding. THIS HAS NOT HELPED.

Today, my husband tried to calm her down for a nap and wound up exhausted in bed with tears in his eyes!!!

Even the hardcore CIO authors wouldn't recommend their methods until 4 months past my daughter DUE DATE. And I will not use this method until then. But the date is fast approaching and my daughter is sleep deprived and my whole family is suffering.

I expect negative reactions. But I hope there will be some actual suggestions too.

Sign me,

A failure of a mother


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## alijased (Jun 1, 2006)

I know it is crazy, but I am in the same boat. I am trying to work completely exausted today. She was up every hour and a half last night. I did help to swaddle her. I have never done it before, and yesterday tried it for naps, I did it, put a pacifier in and laid her down. I walked out of the room, she cried once, and i went and put the pacifier back in and she fell asleep. I Couldn;t believe it. Now, she still is getting up every hour, so I don't have that part down, but Ill let you know!!


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:

My daughter does not fuss the way that most babies do. She goes straight to the high-pitched, back arched, gut wrenching cry and it not soothed by any traditional methods (walking, rocking, dancing, singing, white noise, swaddleing, bouncing, swinging, shushing, car rides, etc.)
due to the fact that she was early, and screams inconsolably, and arches her back- I'd ask the pediatrician if you can try out some reflux meds. Sometimes the only way to know if your child has reflux is to treat it (ie, if they respond to the medication, they have it).

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T106004.asp


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

You're not a failure, Mama! You're an exhausted, desperate woman in search of a solution. The good news is, there are a whole lot of options in between where you are now and CIO!

Have you discussed reflux with your baby's doctor? The sudden shriek and back arching say that she could be in pain. Try propping the top of her bed up a few inches. You might consider a co-sleeper, so you don't have to have her right in your bed, but you don't have to get up, either. I would also look into one of those baby hammocks. Lots of fussy babies do great in those.

And some babies need to cry sometimes. They can't talk out their feelings. They can't do all the zillions of things we humans do to relieve our stress. It's not CIO to let her cry if you're there with her.

And if all else fails, sleep in shifts for awhile. You sleep from 7-1 while DH brings you the baby to nurse but otherwise deals with her. Then your DH sleeps from 1-7 while you have baby duty. A lousy solution I know, but in the short term, it might help you both get some much-needed rest. Earplugs are essential to making this one work! On the weekends, take turns letting each other take long naps.

My youngest was extremely high needs and cried 12-15 hours a day for a long time. While you're trying to help your baby get through this, pay very close attention to meeting your own needs. You'll have to be VERY intentional about that because it won't happen naturally (during naps, for instance). The parents of a high needs baby need lots of extra TLC because taking care of a HN baby takes everything out of you. And I do mean everything.

Good luck! I hope you find some solutions really soon. And do call the ped today and make an appointment to talk about this. Even if you find out there's no physical cause, you'll rest easier knowing that you checked.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 
I am a breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping (room sharing, Not bed sharing if I can help it) mom

why don't you want her in bed with you? i don't know about the reflux, but maybe if you tried just sleeping with her, let her nurse to sleep and you sleep too-- at least it would consolidate things, the warmth of your body might give her comfort, and you could get some sleep?


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Thank you for the kind suggestions.

I should have mentioned this in the first post but other than the jaundice in the very beginning she is extremely healthy. She regained and surpassed her birthweight witin three days of being home from the hospital and has gained an average of 1 and a half pounds or more per month since then.

Her fussiness doesn't seem to be connected to eating at all but rather to sleeping. She fights from what would be the first nap of the day and continues on with happy intermissions when she eats, has gotten a second wind, or is distracted by something fun and interesting until at the end of the day- she is hopelessly overtired.

BUT, I will check on the GERD...it can't hurt to know for sure.

In response to question about why I don't want her in bed with me - there are several reasons but the bottomliner is that I don't sleep well when she is there. I am a true "lone ranger" sleeper. My husband works nights so he doesn't even get home until 3 or 4 am. And then we "cuddle sleep" un til 6 or so when I get up for the day. A similar arrangement with her would be fine I sleep alone (for me it is true restorative sleep) until 5 when i bring her to bed to nurse. But alas, none of any of this is actually happening right now. I am never in bed alone. And noone is getting any restorative sleep.

I might mention that she is an extremely light sleeper when she does sleep. Any and evrything disrupts her (a car driving by, rustling if the sheets as someone turns in bed, her dad's snoring, the clank of sliverware, etc.)

BTW sleeping in shifts sounds excellent! 6 whole hours of sleep?


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

What about using a crib as a side-car? This allows everyone their own space and allows you to nurse her in the middle of the night.

Also, 4 months is a really bad time for sleep. My baby was doing well and then at 4 months hit some sort of wall and was up A LOT! Read about this here.


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

Also, what are her naps like?

Could it be that she is getting too much or not enough sleep during the day?

Do you have a stable bedtime routine?

Does she need some sort of white noise, like a fan or sound machine?


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

My DS had a bit of reflux in the early weeks...he slept in the carseat basket, strapped in, so he could have his upper body elevated. (The carseat basket was located in our bedroom on the floor.) That seemed to fix the problem until he grew out of it. I also found that I had to keep him vertical for about 10-15 minutes after he nursed before trying to put him down.

If she is actually having GERD or reflux, she could actually be in pain - and by leaving her to cry it out she would be experiencing that pain all alone. The screaming alone might even make it worse by causing her stomach acid production to increase.

I would talk to the ped. to see if she might have a medical problem at the root of this.


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## Labyrinth (Apr 14, 2008)

A baby I babysat had reflux- she was in a bassinet which was propped up with two pillows under the mattress, and swaddled to try to prevent fussing.

I don't know what the solution is- but it does sound like she is in pain and it sounds like something to discuss with your doctor. The other option is to express breast milk and have your DH or someone else care for your child while you get some sleep!!!


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## babydanielsmom (Jan 18, 2008)

First I wanted to say that you're an awesome Momma for reaching out for help on the Mdc before letting your lo CIO. I know that some of these wise mommas will help you ....

Here's a few things that have helped us:
- have the same bedtime routine everynight...we dimmed the light, gave a bath, played soft music... these were clues to our ds that it is bedtime
- white noise... you have to find what works for you....like a fan, music, fish tank, even one of those desktop water fountain things.
- try hanging a sachet of lavender ( it's very calming) on the outside of the crib...also if you don't co sleep side car the crib
- try different place to put your dd to sleep... try bedroom/ livingroom/ heck even in front of the dryer with the dryer turned on ... also maybe change what she sleeps in... my ds hated baby pj's
-last, could your dd have any food sensitivities to foods you're eating?


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions, but since you wanted us to talk you out of CIO, here are some reasons not to let her cry: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...601&highlight=


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nummies* 
Also, what are her naps like?

Could it be that she is getting too much or not enough sleep during the day?

Do you have a stable bedtime routine?

Does she need some sort of white noise, like a fan or sound machine?

Her naps are terrible she is most definetly sleep deprived.

We have regular naptimes and bedtimes including regular routines.

Blackout curtains create a near-dark experience even at early baby bedtime of 630 or 7 o'clock. Nite-nite routine includes a bath, baby massage with song, nursing lying down (which she loves- she actually giggles when we get to that part) then we walk bounce to the ocean sounds CD playing over the white noise of the air conditiner or fan. This is where the screaming comes in - when there is nothing left to do but sleep. Or if I'm holding her in a position she would rather not be held in. Whew! I'm exhausted just writing it.

The thing is my husband goes back to work after family leave in 4 weeks. That is all the time I have to concentrate so fully on her nap/sleep schedules (or lack thereof). After that it will be imposssible for me to spend hours in the darkening room trying to get my crying baby to sleep while my 9 year old fends for himself.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Is she a "high needs," "spirited" and/or intense baby?

This was my DD to a T, except she's not a premie. And us to a T, except I'm the one working nights and can't stand to be touched while sleeping.

Nursing every 2 or 3 hours was NORMAL for her at that age (and well beyond that age, for that matter). That's just the way she was. She wasn't going hungry, I was making plenty of milk, she gained and was healthy and all that good stuff. She didn't sleep for a 5-hour stretch until at least 7 months old, and even then I missed it (I work nights and it was her first sleep stretch of the night). Around 8 months old, she fell into a steady, predictible 2-nap-a-day routine and it worked for her and for all of us fairly well until 15 months when she went to one nap.

DD slept swaddled for more than a year. Even now at 22 months she needs a blanket around her, though not tight anymore.

DD sleeps with a white noise machine for nights and naps. Every little thing woke her - and we're in a condo with people upstairs, downstairs and on both sides, so we cannot control the noise level.

She started sleeping much better when we got the white noise machine.

She started STTN (like an 8-hour stretch) at 16.5 months. Now, 6 months later, I rarely have to parent her back to sleep in the middle of the night.

To this day, she fights sleep.

BTDT, Mama. It's hard. You're about ready to run away, or make her scream for hours on end or drive her around in the car for hours on end so she sleeps or some other ridiculous thing. It'll get better.

Just know this is normal for some babies, and they'll grow out of it.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions, but since you wanted us to talk you out of CIO, here are some reasons not to let her cry: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...601&highlight=

Ooh, lots of good stuff there! I'm feelling a little strengthened just by reading them. I was feeling very worn down, worn out and well, like a failure. I don't want to let my baby cry (and I haven't yet) but because what I'm doing isn't working I was wondering if there is something else I should do...


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

_betsy_ said:


> Is she a "high needs," "spirited" and/or intense baby?
> 
> ]
> 
> ...


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Will she not nurse to sleep? That was always our magic bullet.

-Angela


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 









Will she not nurse to sleep? That was always our magic bullet.

-Angela

Only sometimes. The walk bounce always comes AFTER nursing did not work. It is by far the most exhausting part and can take anywhere from 10 min to 40 min.

The thing is there are a few times when she wakes to snack not to have a full meal. But she still wakes. And prolonging the time it takes for me to respond in the hopes that she might resettle herself has never worked. Ever.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

What does she do if you lay down in bed with her -lights out and all- as if you're going to sleep? Or actually do go to sleep?

Does she get angry? Or just stay restless?

-Angela


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

One thing that helped when DD was that little was, well, HEAVY bouncing. Her laying cross cradled in my arms, and me on the balls of my feet, quick, repetitious, far more "violent" than you'd think was good for her.


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## rubymommy777 (Jul 28, 2008)

You are doing great! It is sooooo hard! It won't last forever. Does she do it at a certain time everyday? sometimes that is related to your diet and what she is getting thru you. Do you eat dairy products? sometimes cutting dairy from your diet helps baby a lot. That happened with my mom and brother. she just stopped milk and cheese (a big sacrifice but worth it for sleep!) and he stopped screaming. Don't let her cry if you can manage it. but if you have to just hold her close. You are doing awesome! good luck.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 









Will she not nurse to sleep? That was always our magic bullet.

-Angela

The thing about crappy sleepers, Angela, is that there doesn't seem to be a magic bullet. Nursing to sleep is the FIRST thing I try, but it virtually never works. I think you have been blessed with really easy sleepers. You're really lucky in that!


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I would push to try reflux meds - that sounds EXACTLY like my DD's reflux, including the frequent eating, which helps settle their acidy tummies.

It's normal for it to be worst when she's laying down, so sleep is especially hard for Gerdlings. Arching her back and screaming are classic GERD signs, as is the frequent nursing.








s I have a bad sleeper too and it's just so hard.

By the way, DD was on meds (Zantac and then Prevacid) for about six months, and then it went away on it's own.


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## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

Don't know if you responded to the advice to try swaddling, but definately give it a try...it has to be super tight so she can't get out of it, nor even move her arms. Its what got my son to sleep literally twice as long for naps and better nights.

good luck!


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

OP, that sounds EXACTLY like my first dd. She rarely ever nursed to sleep, and we had to resort to walking/bouncing/shushing. Not fun in the middle of the night. And it was so frustrating to hear, well, just nurse her! Or Well, get her out of your bed! Neither would work. Unfortunately with dd, I just got so tired that I literally could. not. work towards a change. And she continued to sleep crappy until we night weaned at 20-22 months.







Then she started FINALLY sleeping better. And by better I mean, not only longer stretches, but deeper sleep. She wouldn't wake up at the slightest sound or movement. And now, she can sleep through her baby sister crying her head off! She will even 'shussh, shussh' her in her sleep. Very cute! Anyway, I digress.

When dd2 came along, she showed many of the same traits as dd1. VERY active, intense and hard to settle down. She was a totally happy baby, as was dd1. Neither kid identifies with the 'typical' fussy baby description. They are happy, smiley babies, just intense and active. So right around 4 months, we started to make a concerted effort to put her in her crib BEFORE she was sleepy. For every. single. nap. It was really hard, because I'm alone alot too (dh works long hours and is out of town a lot) and I have a 3 year old. But, I would take dd2 in the room (the crib is in our room. We stopped co-sleeping/napping in the big bed when she crawled off for the 3rd time) and put her ambiance cd on, and walk/bounce for a minute or two, softly talking to her. Then, I'd lay her in her crib and tell her night night. Then I'd walk out. She'd usually crawl around, stand up and look around and eventually get bored. When she started to fuss, I'd go back in, lay her down, rub her back and say night night and leave again. Rinse. Repeat. Over. And. Over. Again. If she got upset, I'd of course pick her up, calm her down, and as soon as she was calm I'd lay her down and leave.

What I found is that with intense babies, ANY stimulation ruins their chance of falling asleep. That includes, rocking, walking around, anything where I am in there. She would just rather play than miss anything! And it has helped SO MUCH. We've been doing this for 6 weeks, and at 5.5 months, she is sleeping 3 solid naps (if we are home, when we are out it kinda messes things up) ranging from 1-3 hours a day. She wakes up happy, playing in her crib. She will often just lay in her crib either before a nap or after and talk to her self, look around, ect. The hard thing was staying home for the first 2 weeks or so. Just making sure we did the. exact. same. thing. But after we got the routine down, we were able to go out, miss a nap here or there and recover pretty well.

For night time sleep. After we got the naps down pretty well, we turned out attention to night sleep. So, we've only been working on night sleep for about 2 weeks now. So far, our typical night is asleep by 9-10, wake between 12-1 sleep until 5-6 wake for the day between 7-8. So, two night wakings, where she nurses and then goes back to sleep. I'm totally ok with that, I feel like she still needs the calories at night. One 5 hour stretch is great by me.

The trick that we are working on right now is that usually during one of her night wakings she will feel like it's time to play! So, I will nurse her, put her in her crib (awake) and she will seem to fall asleep. But after 5 minutes, she is standing up, looking at me, wanting to play. For 3 nights now, I've ignored her, and it goes on for an hour or so.







She plays, gets frustrated, cries, I lay her down, pat her and say night night, she is still for a minute, I think she fell asleep and then she wakes up tp play, gets frustrated after a few minutes, I get up, pat her, ect. BUT, last night, she started to do the same thing, and I only had to lay her down ONE time. She played for a few more minutes and fell asleep!! It only took about 10 minutes, as opposed to an hour or more! The key is to do as little as possible with the baby. The more I do, the more she wakes and wants to play.

It's nice that she associates the crib with playing and not crying. And it's nice to have more sleep! I'm sorry this turned out so long, I just wanted to give you some hope. It can be better, and you don't have to let your baby cry! The next 4 weeks that your dh is off will be a perfect time to start implementing some methods to help your dc sleep better. I hope this has helped some, I really truly know how it feels to be in that place of complete exhaustion, and it's not fun. Investing some extra time and patience for a month or so will really pay off. Good luck and happy sleeping!


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## Dee-Groovy (Nov 13, 2006)

Wow mama, you are doing a great job! My DD was similar to yours - she hated sleeping and was chronically sleep deprived. She cried for 12-15 hour a day - even my ped didn't believe me. It turned out that she had reflux. She started on Zantac and then moved to Prevacid when the Zantac stopped working after a couple months. At 8.5 months she's still takes Prevacid daily. I would definitely ask your doc about it. As others have mentioned GERDlings don't like to lay flat b/c stomach acid burns the esophagus and is painful.

It sounds like you're doing everything right with the bedtime routine. I agree that 4 months is bad for sleep too. Just wanted to mention a few things that worked for us.

1) Papasan swing that swings sideways. DD hated the forward/back motion of most swings but she slept in her papasan swing nightly until she was about 6 months old. (I like my space when I sleep too, luckily so does she.) The angle of the seat is perfect for keeping stomach acid down. I played the music fairly softly but have lots of white noise all the time.

2) Miracle Blanket for swaddling. It's the only one worth the money. You can wrap it so tightly that the baby can't wiggle out of it. DD usually cried when I started wrapping her but immediately stopped crying the second I picked her up swaddled. She slept 2x as long swaddled as without and still prefers to have her motion limited when she sleeps.

3) Yoga ball for bouncing. Bouncing on it is a little easier on your arms and back and at least you get to sit down!

4) This is a biggie: insisting that she stayed awake for no longer than 3 hours at a time. I know it sounds impossible given the current state of things but it's totally worth it to try. I started the naptime routine after DD had been awake for 2.5 hours and usually had her asleep by 3 hours. This corrected the chronic sleep deprivation and made us both much happier.

Good luck mama, hang in there. It gets better!


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

BTDT. I hate sleep. I hate the first year of sleep.

If you are not swaddling that would be the #1 thing I would do asap. DD has outgrown all the swaddle blankets so now we lay with her and hold her close on her side and I hold down her top arm. Once she's asleep, she's fine on her own, but to get to sleep she needs to be confined.

#2 thing would be a cosleeper or sidecar the crib (if you're handy you can lower the rail so it's high enough to prevent rolling into your bed, but low enough to be a cosleeper) so you can reach out and rock baby w/o getting out of bed. This also comes in handy when baby's motor skills go into overdrive. I spent many nights sleeping with my hands on DD's legs pinning them down so she wouldn't wake herself up.

Also you are hitting the 4mo sleep regression. Time is the only cure for that. IME the 4 mo sleep regression is relatively short.

However, sleep at 5 and 6 mos is crappy b/c of all the motor stuff going on.

Also look into infant massage. Massage 'exhausts' the nerves with stimulation until they are 'numb' (nerves can only fire so long before they have to regroup, massage tires the nervous system out and also helps the body switch from sympathetic (fight or flight) to parasympathetic (rest and repose) nervous systems). Rocking done consistently and rhythmically achieves a similar result.

With regards to naps, your LO may not be a fit for the usual 2-3-4 schedule. My DD needs naps every 2 hours no matter how little or much she sleeps. I have been surprised how little all the sleep experts' advice applies to DD.

Lastly, maybe your LO needs to fuss. Although this would be a last resort, but you can tuck baby in and simply be there while they process through whatever they need to let out. For some babies fussing is a release, for others it ramps up to hysterics. It depends on the personality.

And I would be open that every night may require a different solution. Some nights co-sleeping works really well for us. Other nights, not so much. Every night is different.

Good luck.

V


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## MamaDee4 (Jul 19, 2005)

In response to question about why I don't want her in bed with me - there are several reasons but the bottomliner is that I don't sleep well when she is there. I am a true "lone ranger" sleeper.>>>

That may be. But......it doesn't sound like anyone is getting any sleep the way it is. Would bringing baby to bed with you make it any worse?

I wake every time my three week old wakes, too. Usually about once an hour. But with me right there, she doesn't have a chance to get to full out cry b/c I wake before she is even fully awake. I nurse her and she can more eaily get back to sleep. And me, too.

Waking every hour would not be considered "restorative" sleep. But....it would be a lot worse if she were sleeping somewhere else and I had to get up to nurse her. And then get her back down again......

Dee


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## babydanielsmom (Jan 18, 2008)

I don't have anymore advice...just wanted to say I hope that your night went well.. and maybe you got a little more sleep. Please keep us update on how things are going!


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## nylecoj (Apr 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
The thing about crappy sleepers, Angela, is that there doesn't seem to be a magic bullet. Nursing to sleep is the FIRST thing I try, but it virtually never works. I think you have been blessed with really easy sleepers. You're really lucky in that!


Ugh, seriously. Dd is now nearly 20 mos and still a crappy sleeper. She probably had reflux in the beginning which went away and wasn't super severe (and I didn't know because I was so new







) but now she just hates to sleep.

For us nursing doesn't work either ... she will nurse and then toss and turn and play with her feet and talk to me, but not sleep. It's rough.

My only advice is that it will slowly get better, sleep as much as you can when you can, and try not to toss the sweet baby out the window (or put her in the closet) at night.

That's all I have, momma, sorry.


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## nylecoj (Apr 24, 2007)

Oh, and also, CIO doesn't even work with some kids ... I don't believe it would work with mine, she'd just scream her head off until a neighbor calls CPS.**

**not that I'm willing to try it ...


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nylecoj* 
Oh, and also, CIO doesn't even work with some kids ... I don't believe it would work with mine, she'd just scream her head off until a neighbor calls CPS.**

**not that I'm willing to try it ...

Mine too. I've let her cry for up to 15 minutes (more than I think I should) because I just need a break sometimes, but she's still sitting up screaming when I got in to get her. (Not proud of it, but it was better than losing it).

I agree with napping every 2-3 hours max (do whatever it takes for good naps; I wore DD for many naps at that age). Also swaddling, if you haven't tried it.

Hang in there. Believe it or not, you really can adapt to little sleep. I thought I would die from it at that age, but now I do well on 5-7 hours of very broken sleep.


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## preemiemamarach (Sep 7, 2007)

My kid was a terrible sleeper, then STTN, now a terrible sleeper again. He was 7 weeks early and has multiple medical issues. He is still medicated for reflux, which helped a lot, so I definitely think you should look into that like PP suggested, but you might also look into the possibility of allergens shes could be reacting to in your breast milk. It took us 11 months to figure out DS has severe allergies to eggs, corn and dairy.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
What does she do if you lay down in bed with her -lights out and all- as if you're going to sleep? Or actually do go to sleep?

Does she get angry? Or just stay restless?

-Angela

She gradually gets angry.

Just me being there doesn't seem to be enough to induce sleep.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 
She gradually gets angry.

Just me being there doesn't seem to be enough to induce sleep.

yeah, that whole idyllic dr. sears "just lie down with your baby and nap together thing" was a CROCK for us









i had to wear her, bounce her, or otherwise MOVE her from 2-4 months or she would not sleep. the good news is, for us anyway, it got better. we've still had periods of frequent waking due to teething, milestones, or illness, but she is much, much easier to PUT to sleep than she used to be. and the other good part is, as they get older, they have to be put to sleep fewer times per day.

i totally used to feel like all i did, all day long, was try to coerce her into napping. and she'd nap for 30 minutes at a time, after i spent an hour or two trying to get her to go down. it was HELL.

now the good thing is, even if she has a crappy nap, we only have to go through it once. and though sleep is still important, if she misses some sleep, she doesn't scream for 5 hours. we can play or eat dinner or have a bath and try again later.

it just gets so, so, so much easier. i think everyone is at some point tempted to CIO, but you will be so proud of yourself for not doing it!!!


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## rubymommy777 (Jul 28, 2008)

she could be upset or allergic to something that YOU'RE eating. arching your back and screaming sounds like there is some severe discomfort involved.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Mine too. I've let her cry for up to 15 minutes (more than I think I should) because I just need a break sometimes, but she's still sitting up screaming when I got in to get her. (Not proud of it, but it was better than losing it).

I just have to respond to this because it makes me so sad.

We can all agree, I think, that CIO is an unkind parenting practice. However, that doesn't mean that we can (or should) be perfectly loving and patient at all times. We have to recognize our own limits or risk the health and well-being of our babies, ourselves, our other children, and anybody else who might get in our way.

Safety is always first. For me, when my youngest was an infant and crying constantly, that sometimes meant I put him in a crib where I knew he was safe, then went to the other end of the house to catch my breath (or scream and cry into a pillow, depending on the day). While it's true that research shows prolonged CIO is damaging to an infant's development, it's NOT true that any amount of crying is bad for them. And if you've hit that point where you might throw the baby across the room (most parents of HN babies have that image cross their minds at some point), then it's time to walk away for awhile.

So, you don't have to qualify your post by saying that you're not proud. You SHOULD be proud! You did what you needed to in a bad moment to keep everybody safe. Was it ideal? Of course not. Many times we don't have access to "ideal," whatever that is. Modern life means that we mamas are alone with our babies much of the time, so we have to find ways to make that work.

I say all this from the perspective of a mama of older kids. Trust me on this; they're MUCH more resilient than they seem!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
What does she do if you lay down in bed with her -lights out and all- as if you're going to sleep? Or actually do go to sleep?

Does she get angry? Or just stay restless?

-Angela

She get progressively angry.

And BOY when she is angry she is ANGRY.

OOPS! I responded to this twice. Oh for the day my brain cells return.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *readytobedone* 
yeah, that whole idyllic dr. sears "just lie down with your baby and nap together thing" was a CROCK for us










haha me too!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

So ladies,

Today my husband let me get out of the house for 2 hours while he did baby duty. Oh sweet relief...

His report was she screamed for quite some time then slept fitfully on his shoulder for 20 mins. woke up obviously still tired so he tried to ease her back into sleep.

After trying everything he could think of he laid on the bed with her still crying (repeat she was never left to cry alone) and shushed and patted but otherwise not intervening.

She cried.

Then she slept.

Is is possible my daughter is a lone ranger, too?

PS. I am meeting with the dr. and will give a report when I have news.

Thank you so much for your suggestions and "you are not alone" stories. They have definetly helped relieve some tension!!!


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

You are far from alone. My dd was a beast of a sleeper. She required extensive parenting to get her to sleep, many (6-8 times?) a night. How I wish laying down with her would have worked. We had to blast music, tightly swaddle, and vigorously dance around the room to get her to stfu and go to sleep.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 
So ladies,

Today my husband let me get out of the house for 2 hours while he did baby duty. Oh sweet relief...

His report was she screamed for quite some time then slept fitfully on his shoulder for 20 mins. woke up obviously still tired so he tried to ease her back into sleep.

After trying everything he could think of he laid on the bed with her still crying (repeat she was never left to cry alone) and shushed and patted but otherwise not intervening.

She cried.

Then she slept.

Is is possible my daughter is a lone ranger, too?

PS. I am meeting with the dr. and will give a report when I have news.

Thank you so much for your suggestions and "you are not alone" stories. They have definetly helped relieve some tension!!!











Infant sleep is a journey where the majority of steps are backwards.
V


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## KimPM (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 
So ladies,

Today my husband let me get out of the house for 2 hours while he did baby duty. Oh sweet relief...

His report was she screamed for quite some time then slept fitfully on his shoulder for 20 mins. woke up obviously still tired so he tried to ease her back into sleep.

After trying everything he could think of he laid on the bed with her still crying (repeat she was never left to cry alone) and shushed and patted but otherwise not intervening.

She cried.

Then she slept.


1) Wow, your husband was great...wow, he really shushed and patted? I don't think my DH would have had the patience to do all that when the baby was crying.

2) Perhaps your DH needs to help putting her to sleep like that more often. Maybe it's the smell/suggestion of you and your "nursies" that keep her awake?


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Autumn C.* 
Is is possible my daughter is a lone ranger, too?

Very possible! My DD was very independent (still is) and would cry to be put down!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
One thing that helped when DD was that little was, well, HEAVY bouncing. Her laying cross cradled in my arms, and me on the balls of my feet, quick, repetitious, far more "violent" than you'd think was good for her.

Yep. I do that> I would call it jumping except both feet never leave the ground at the same time...so it stays a "walk bounce".


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KimPM* 
1) Wow, your husband was great...wow, he really shushed and patted? I don't think my DH would have had the patience to do all that when the baby was crying.

2) Perhaps your DH needs to help putting her to sleep like that more often. Maybe it's the smell/suggestion of you and your "nursies" that keep her awake?

My honey got some MAJOR points for that. And it has convinced him to help more with putting her to sleep. Yay!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Ladies...

My daughter is asleep tightly swaddled in the darkened room listening to soothing ocean sounds over the white noise of the fan...AND IT HAPPENED WITHOUT ANY CRYING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!







:







:







:

She still may wake every two hours but I will celebrate this little milestone anyhow!

BTW, I don't at all feel tempted to let her CIO right now.

Just knowing that there was hope of another way has done wonders to my resolve.

Thank you thank you and on my daughters behalf THANK YOU!!!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 









Infant sleep is a journey where the majority of steps are backwards.
V

Amen sister.

Thanks for the hug.


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## babydanielsmom (Jan 18, 2008)

I just checked in with the post .... I was thinking about you last night while I was up with my lo. He thought that 4 am seemed to be the perfect time to wake up and start his day ! Just wanted to say







:







:







: for you and your dd .Oh, btw, hope you got some good sleep as well.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

Ladies,

Thank you for everything.

Still no news from the Dr. but I will let you know.

And she napped today with out any crying too!







:

I will try the miracle blanket (yes I swaddle but she is a regular houdini that one)

I don't eat dairy- that was the first thing to go.

Gotta go- she waking up!


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