# IF someone had wished death upon your child



## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

My xsil thought it would be funny if my baby died back when I was pregnant with my fourth child. Now, one of my babies DID die. The day my daughter died, my mom told her. Supposedly she felt so bad for me. My mom said she cried for me and saw Mary's video. I don't believe she felt anything but thrilled. She knew how to contact me and has chosen not to.

She is bringing my nephews up here in june and honestly, I don't want to see her because of that comment. It's been years since I have seen the boys because of her.

I don't know if I am looking for advice here or what.


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## Juvysen (Apr 25, 2007)

:

As someone who frequently puts her foot in her mouth, I know I'd feel super embarrassed and HORRIBLE for making a joke like that and having such a thing really come true. It'd be really hard for me to contact the mother in that situation because I wouldn't know how to apologize, or how to interact. Maybe she's having problems with that, too?

Beyond that I don't really have any insight. I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## no5no5 (Feb 4, 2008)

Who jokes about a baby dying??? Ever??? But especially when in the company of a pregnant woman...sheesh. I would be so pissed I would have trouble ever talking to her again, even if I ended up not having a loss.

Seriously, what a cruel/thoughtless person.

That said, your nephews are still your nephews. And if it were me, I would feel very sorry for them for having her for a mother. I would probably want to go out of my way to show them that they are loved and that not all of their relatives are like their mother.

But if you feel like you can't face her, I can't blame you for that. You have to take care of yourself most of all.


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## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)

That's bad....why would she think, let alone say that?

My SIL was asking dh how I was doing while I was pregnant. He told her about my terrible morning sickness. She said "well, tell her I have her beat because I have bladder cancer". She is really a jerk of a person....nobody in the family likes her. After I miscarried, I saw her and asked "am I winning now Diane?". She was stunned...


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

I wouldn't ever speak to or see that person again. Never.
That's unforgiveable.
So sorry you had to go through that.


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

Oh, how horrible! What a rotten thing to joke about. I know if it was me I would probably never want to see her again either, but can you for your nephews sake? Although in all honestly, I would totally see why you couldn't...

EDIT: I just wanted to say that I saw your picture of your darling baby girl...she was absolutely beautiful!


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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

I sent you a PM and I tried to send you a second one, but your box is full.

I want you to know that I hope I didn't sound mean or snarky in my PM. I didn't intend to. I can't imagine your grief but am thankful that you are using your tragedy to get a message out. I pray that you will find healing someday.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

i don't understand why she would ever think that is funny, either ironic or ha ha funny. did she do this to your face? if i had to see her again in my life, i'm pretty sure i couldn't keep my mouth shut, and call her an angry, nasty hypocrite. in fact, i think i would gain a lot of satisfaction from doing that.

i am so sorry, momma, for not only your loss, but also for the horrible way in which your xsil treated you.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Funny? In what context was she talking exactly? That sounds like a plain odd thing to say! Horrible, yes, of course, but just a strange thing to say on top of it. Is she totally right in the head? That is such an awful thing to say - I'm so sorry you had to hear it in the first place.

I think if I were in your shoes I'd be feeling the same way. I probably would avoid her. But then sometimes things don't work out that way, so if I were to find myself in her company I'd certainly want to know WHY she said something so nasty. It just doesn't make sense...

*HUGE hugs* to you mama XXXX


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## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

That pregnancy was directly after my second miscarriage. I was a ball of nerves and she was angry with me because I had called her on her adulterous behavior and told her she needed to do the right thing and stop.

Maxwill, I got one from you, THANK YOU.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Well....adulterous behavior is bound to bring on some strong opinions. Especially from people in the family! I personally really can't stand it - I got cheated on almost continuously in my awful first marriage and if there is one thing I cannot bear...

Thank goodness she's your EX sister in law







Stupid comment made by her, that was - what a ridiculous way to act. I'm sure she was shocked and sad this time - I don't think it would be very likely she'd be pleased that Mary died. She just sounds childish - silly, petulant and childish and probably feels like s*it now because of what she said. Nevertheless, I think the choice to see her at all is totally yours, and if you do see her, she ought to expect a pretty cool welcome by you.

Having said all that, would it be likely she'd come up with yet more abhorrent, childish rubbish if you did give her a rather non-warm welcome? If so, I wouldn't go there at all, as furthering someone's immature behavior would probably only serve to upset you even more.

The nerve of some people...sheesh. *HUGE hugs* XXXX


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## willowsmom (Oct 28, 2004)

*huge hugs* from me too.

I'd have leaked wrath all over her.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I can't offer any advice ... I simply cannot get my head round someone saying something so completely crass ... and I couldn't imagine it even if I wasn't learning to live with the death of a child. You don't have to be a babyloss mama to find her comment completely outrageous.

((((HUGS))) mama.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

I am sorry that she made such a lame, self centered comment. Don't let that get in the way of having a relationship with your nephews. Its not their fault that their mom is an idiot.

I'm sorry you had to experience that loss in the first place.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

so sorry about your loss! and that is a horrible thing for someone to say to ANYONE! Let alone a pregnant woman. My husband and i recieved our tax stimulus check for 1200 dollars and it came to my sister in laws house as we were in canada at the time, 2 days after our baby died at 22 weeks gestation, (his sis found out the day after) and she asked us for money the day after she found out. she said "youre check came in the mail. would you like to donate to us? we're broke right now"
sorry, but is there anything worse than losing a child. personally i would have rather not been able to pay any one of my bills or get forclosed on or lose a vehicle because i was broke, than lose my baby. who wouldn't? she has always been jealous of me for whatever reason and i personally think she was satisfied that i had to go through the tragedy i did. i know it's horrible to say-but sometimes there is no "look at the brightside" or "trying to see the best in people" sometimes i feel like not everyone is a good person, maybe they used to be, maybe they will be again. but i need to move on from that still-i am still badly shaken at what she asked from us. we didn't give her any money, but for her to ask such a thing at our all time low is amazing. who does that?! another thing is when my hubby told her we needed to start saving so we could try again she said "i dont think thats a good idea" (to start again so soon). who is she to judge what we decide? and she has never lost a child.
i don't have any advice for you, but thought my story might help because its a different yet the same comment given by someone that we just can't shake and hurts us everytime we think about it.


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## Milkymommi (Aug 29, 2003)

I'm so sorry this is going on with you... I'm posting to say that I can relate to the ignorance of relatives or ex relatives in your case. Personally I have no desire to see or speak to a few of mine either. When Micah died we had a full on wake and funeral. My mother is 1 of 8 children, 2 of which are boys- my uncles. Neither of them showed up or even offered condolences. To add insult to injury, one of them lives with my grandmother along with his wife which is where the reception was held afterward. The entire time all he did was b**ch about how he was tired and threw all kinds of attitude about all the people in the house







Still never even spoke to me or my dh... there's more to the story that would probably make your socks fall off but this isn't my thread. Needless to say I'm a little bitter and probably can't give you sound advice. I just want you to know you're NOT alone in being frustrated and not knowing what to do. Thus far, I chose not to participate in any family holiday gatherings and made the reason clear to those whom I felt it would affect. I'm sure the news traveled and I hope it did. GL mama


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