# another lost baby...



## rianna (Jul 28, 2002)

I feel its time to let this out.

on monday the 18th I noticed contractions. I taught my classes (yoga) and went on with my day. When I got home I was bleeding. I knew I was losing my baby. I called my midwife and we went to the hospital for an ultra sound. At 16 weeks we heard a heart beat..... at 21 weeks I noticed something was not right. The ultra sound confirmed the death at 16+weeks. I left the hospital that night, refusing to let them do anything to me. I was determined to stay at home where I would have been to have this baby anyway.
I was getting harrased by the hospital.... letters, phone calls, they refused to talk to my midwife.
I realized that I had to make a choice..... wait anywhere from 2days to 3 weeks for this baby to come out of me or go to the hospital. I did not like the idea of having a dead baby inside of me so the choice became clear. I decided to go to another hospital, one that my midwife knows is good and knows the doctor on call, and I reluctantly went for my first hospital experience.

They induce me and gotthe IV ready. I get there at 10:00am and I did not see any one till 1:00pm.

At 11:00pm I delivered a baby boy. I did not want to see him. My dh had to go home to our baby.... this was the longest we had ever left her and we have never left her with anybody but family, so I was at the hospital with my wonderful midwives and a bunch of nurses and a doctor.

The contractions were hard but not as hard as full term delivery. It hurt though..... and the sadness and anger came over me when I delivered the baby.

4 hours later I was on my way home. Relieved to be out of jail.

This was my sencond late misscarige in a row.

I think its time to take a break and not be pregnant for a while... if ever.
This will be the first time in 34 months that my body is my own again. I stoped nursing Aurora 4 weeks prior to this and I have been pregnant 3 times in 2 years!!!!

I am excited about having my self back to normal and not full of horomones and breastmilk. I am sad that my body/baby was not ready. I am sad that I missed the chance of having a baby boy (I only have girls). I am mad that I cant do anything for 2 weeks!!!! I cant even pick up my baby









I just felt the need to vent.
The baby was delivered on thursday... today is sunday. I feel good... my body is healing fast and working hard to recover.
I am becoming depressed from being in the house (yes I know its only been 3 days but I am highly active and always doing something) all day and not being able to do normal things like go up the stairs, clean, pick up my baby, cook, laundry, ect..... sad but I want to do these things.

I am sorry for the long and choppy thread...
thank you all for taking the time to read this.


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## gurumama (Oct 6, 2002)

My condolences to you and your family.








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## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

rianna--I have been wondering about you and your family.

You have been through a hard time. I completely understand your not wanting to be pg any time soon. This is my 4th pg in 2 years and dh and I decided that if we lost this baby at any point that this would be our last and we would not have anymore.

It is so emotionally draining.......

I'm sorry you are feeling restless but I'm glad you are recovering well.

take care of yourself...


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## Gemini (Apr 9, 2003)

Ooooh.....

I'm soooo sorry to hear about this loss.









Thanks for having the strength to share it.


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## Eggie (Aug 7, 2003)

Rianna,

((((Hugs)))) to you, I'm sorry that you had to go thorough this. Your strenght is admirable. You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## moonglowmama (Jan 23, 2002)

Rianna,
Sounds like you're having such a hard time. I can relate to some of what you're saying, especially your fear of trying to get pregnant again, your happiness to reclaim your body and it sounds like you're frustrated with the recovery period. I am too.

I gave birth to my daughter 2 weeks ago after a long hard labor, and lost her soon after she was born (we knew she would not live long). I've noticed that the part about staying home that is so hard, is that I have no newborn babe to cuddle with, nurse with and fill all my mind and arms and time. That's what makes it easy to do what you need to do to recover from the process of birth. Without the baby, you just want to get up and do, you need to be able to be with your other child, and the last thing you want are the constant reminders of what you no longer have.

I'm sad for you. I know our experiences are different, just wanted to relate a little. Do try and remember that if you can take extra care of your body now, you can get up and go a lot sooner. (I tell myself this all the time, but honestly, it's been hard to act on it.)


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Riana,

So sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself.

I'm not sure if you're ready to think about this, but there are many medical reasons for 2nd trimester losses and if you feel like you want to have some testing done, there are things that you might be able to do to prevent a loss if you decide you want to get pregnant again. I'd be happy to PM you if you want to learn more at some point.

Big hugs to you and your family.


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## Abylite (Jan 3, 2003)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've also had 2 m/c....so draining and sad. I had myself tested and they did detect a minor clotting problem. We are finally getting ready to TTC AGAIN after losing a baby at 12 1/2 weeks in May. My heart goes out to you.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Rianna, I am so very sorry. my heart goes out to you and yours.

Lisa


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Rianna, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Rianna,
I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like a very brave and courageous woman to have gone through such a devastating loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Gossamer


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## rianna (Jul 28, 2002)

Hello everyone...

I am doing very well and am healing fast. To fast because i feel good enough to do all the things I want to do and cant.

emotionaly I have been fine. I am very good with understanding that this is what is and there will be not much more I can do about it. My dh and I dont dwell on many things and this will be one of them. There are good sides to this ass well.

The doctor told me that if we sent the baby away for testing that they would probably not find anything so we decided not to do it.
There could be so many reasons why. Its amazing how just a few months ago (well, 18 months) I gave birth to my second healthy perfect child and then this.
I had a great home birth and I always have perfect pregnancies. No problems, health issues ect......

Strange how the world works.

Thank you all for your words of support and kindness. To all of you that have had the experience I am sorry. What hurts us can make us stronger if we allow it to.
Thank you again...
r~


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## karenpl (Dec 18, 2001)

{{{{ Rianna }}}}

So sorry for your loss!!!!! Words fail me to express the sadness I am feeling when reading your post. But I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, and sending healing vibes in your direction!

Karen


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

I understand your pain mama







I just went though my 4th loss (3rd in 2 years) and don't worry about what the Dr says. If you feel up to it, do it, your body will let you know if your doing to much.


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## mamaley (Mar 18, 2002)

i am so sorry about your loss, and that you had to go through this.


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## BumbleBena (Mar 18, 2005)

I'm sorry for your loss, mama.


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