# Large age gap between 2nd and 3rd child?



## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Ds1 is 7yo, and ds2 is 4yo. I have never felt completely "done," but at this point if we decided to have a baby, there would be a 5 year ago gap between ds2 and the new baby.

We're just getting into a really nice stage with the boys - everyone's independent and easy to go places with. Having a baby would bring all that to a screeching halt. Plus, I am just starting to be able to work more (out of the house), and we really need the money. A baby would make that a lot more difficult.

It feels like a really bad idea, logistically, to have a third. But I feel like I will always regret it if I don't.

So, I guess this is my rambling way of asking - how hard was it to have a larger age gap with your third?


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## mrflowers (Jul 22, 2006)

My third was born when my older two were 7.5 and 4.5. There were a lot of great aspects of that spacing: the older two were fairly independent, no one was in diapers, and they are REALLY helpful with the baby.

I do sometimes struggle with wanting to do some heavy-duty cleaning or something, but the baby is too fussy. She's a really great baby, but she still has baby needs. It's also hard to get up in the morning after a hard night with the baby, and have to deal with the needs of an older child. The older two need a LOT of talking and understanding and patience, something that can be in short supply after no sleep.

You are right, in that having a new baby can make things more difficult in some aspects. I guess you just need to see what carries more weight for you, the possible regret vs. going back to the baby years.

In the end, I am really, really glad we have #3; the kids absolutely adore her. She is the perfect 'closer' baby. I feel like she really completed our family, and the hard aspects about having 3 helped me to make up my mind that I am done having kids. It's been hard, but very worth it.

ETA: I feel like I just kept saying "it's hard" without saying what I like! The baby is just a super-cool girl, so there's that. But there's also getting to nurse one more baby, getting to sleep and cuddle with a baby again, rubbing her soft skin and hearing her giggle. Wearing a baby again, seeing her figure things out. Getting to see my kids be amazing siblings. Good stuff!


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## anjelika (May 16, 2004)

I have not encountered this as a parent, but as the oldest of 3, I remember the situation well. I was 9 and my sister was 6 when our little brother was born.

For me, it was an easy adjustment. I was really into helping out with the baby, changing diapers, feeding food, and playing. For my sister, not as much. It was hard giving up being the "baby".

The only real issues we had were the kindergarten years (I was 15, sister was 12, and brother was 6 - difficult to accomodate all three ages) and then again when he was in the early teenage years (I was out of the house with my new family, sister in college). We had a hard time understanding the teenage "temper tantrums" and my parents, in their early 50s at this point, had a rought time of it then too.

But now, he is almost 18 and we "kids" are all getting along quite nicely. The only issue my parents really had was being "older" than many of the other parents - it can be kind of weird to have a kid at home, adult children, and then taking care of elderly parents. But overall, they really enjoy the addition to our family!


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## eggsandpancakes (Oct 16, 2007)

I am 28; I have a 15ish year old sister. I don't have anything to talk to her about.
My mother (now 57) says she is really glad there is still a child at home.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

I don't really see 5 years as *that* big of an age gap...maybe it's just me.

I think it is kind of a good age difference actually! When you have your new baby your other children will be in school which will allow you more one on one time with the new little one, which would be fantastic









And, when your older children are in their early teens you will still have a child and get to enjoy all the age groups instead of all your kids growing up together. Thats whats most appealing to me about having "larger" age gaps.

I would be sad if all my kids were close in age and then when theyre big--theyre big! This way you would have a young one in the house for longer.

I am the oldest of 4. My youngest sister and I are 11 years apart. My mom is So happy that she had her because she still has a young child in the house, she says she'd be sad if she had us all close together.
Growing up my youngest sister was more of daughter to me than i sister but i loved it anyway.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

I have a 9 yr gap and my 4 yr old is like a big toy for his brothers. He adores both of the big boys. My sister and I were 7 yrs apart and we are still very close ... much closer than my brother who is only 18mos younger than me.. we have NEVER gotten along


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## MCR (Nov 20, 2001)

I have 5 yrs between my first two and then a 10 yr gap to the youngest. Not a big deal. The older two love and spoil the little one, she delights in all the attention and by the time she is well into elementary school she'll be the only child left at home. I love that I got to lavish so much one on one time on each child while they were very young.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Not sure, but there will be just a couple months under 6 year age gap between #2 and #3. I have 25 months between #1 and #2. We are looking forward to having a baby in the house again. She/he should get more attention just because big brother and big sister are at school all day.


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## Ruthie's momma (May 2, 2008)

Although I have just one kiddo (so far!), I grew up in a family with all of us kiddos being quite spaced apart. My brother was 9 years older and my sister is 5 years younger. From my perspective, it seemed great. When my sister was born, my brother and I were the older siblings who got to help out a lot. My brother often played with his little sisters and we thought of him as our "cool" big brother. My sister and I are super, super close...like, best friend close. We always shared a bedroom...if not a bed. My mom always said that it made mothering very easy. She never had to focus on more than one baby or toddler at a time and the older child was always more than willing to lend a hand. Plus, my parents felt that they were able to give each of us a great deal of attention when we were super little.


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## Katie063008 (Aug 18, 2008)

I can only comment on relationships here.... My husband is six years older than his brother. They have a great relationship. We have to buy an unlimited calling plan because they talk so much







. My husband says that when they were younger it was a bit tough because they had to share a room and he would have to do a lot of the baby chores like diapers, feeding, putting to bed etc. (but part of that is just his family







) But I think overall it is great to have a younger sibling who can come to you for advice. Also to be the "fun" uncle lol


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## teachma (Dec 20, 2002)

My oldest two are about 3.5 years apart, and #3 will be born a month after my youngest turns 5. I don't know, yet, how it will be, but I anticipate that a third will add an interesting dimension to our family and it will be fun to see the evolving siblining relationships.


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Thanks for all the responses - the bad part is they are making me really want a third!

Dh and I have agreed to wait until December (for various reasons) and if I am still really feeling the longing, we will talk about it.


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