# Retort to Dr. Laura on Gays--Funny



## QueeTheBean (Aug 6, 2002)

Sorry if this has already been posted--I've been gone for a while!

[HAVE BEEN ADVISED THIS MAY BE A HOAX, BUT I STILL THINK IT IS FUNNY]

THE GOOD BOOK

On her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that she believes homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus Dept. of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

There's some question over the authenticity of this.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

Quote:

The "letter" to Dr. Laura may or may not have actually been sent to her, but in any case it is best read as an essay offering a counter to the "homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says so" argument. Though it purports to be addressed to just one person (Dr. Laura), it is clearly meant for a general audience. The authorship of the letter is still a bit of a mystery, although the name "Kent Ashcraft" (or "J. Kent Ashcraft") keeps coming up.

Confusing the issue further, because the letter has been circulated as widely as it has in e-mail, in some versions the signature blocks of forwarders have come to be part of the mailing, leading those who receive those versions farther down the line to assume those people were the writers of the piece. Then there's the case of Jim Kauffman - his signature was deliberately appended by someone without his knowledge, causing him to receive many a phone call and e-mail from those who have taken him for essay's author.


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

well, regardless of authorship, the biblical qoutes are accurate and a refreshing antidote to the "lookie, it says so right here" form of fundamentalism.


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## Els' 3 Ones (Nov 19, 2001)

West Wing did a take on it................. it rocked!









http://www.rslevinson.com/gaylesissu...tidbit0005.htm


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## mama ganoush (Jul 8, 2004)

Josiah Bartlett For President!!!!!


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## Evergreen (Nov 6, 2002)

:


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

I've always enjoyed that letter, anon or not.


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## Annoia (Nov 16, 2003)

That letter made me smile. And that's no mean feat these days.

Did Dr. Laura every respond? I mean, even if it was never actually sent to her, wouldn't she know about it?


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueeTheBean*
4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

:LOL


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueeTheBean*
...4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?...

Because they expect health care and vacations!


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

Am wishing that this letter post (which has been on MDC before, in no less than two threads that I believe were eventually pulled from the boards) would remove the false statement of her religious affiliation. She is not now an Orthodox Jew. My understanding is that she was *never* an 'Orthodox' Jew. She converted under Orthodox auspices, and then proceeded to affiliate Conservative.

Sorry, but it makes a difference to me. I'm an Orthodox Jew. And have no desire to be affiliated with *her*.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

And have no desire to be affiliated with *her*.
I can certainly understand that!


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merpk*









...Sorry, but it makes a difference to me. I'm an Orthodox Jew. And have no desire to be affiliated with *her*.

Oooooh! I would totally agree with you.

(Along similar lines, I frequently find myself explaining that while Richard Nixon's mother _was_ a Friend, he, ummmm, well, he _wasn't_.)


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Not to be arguementative sohj, but I thought he was enough of one (in his own eyes) to opt to aver to his oaths of office rather than swear. I wonder where I got that and if I could verify it.


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## sohj (Jan 14, 2003)

T Kama: He served as a lieutenant in the Navy.

Whether or not he made a fuss about the oaths is rather irrelevant for this. And I haven't heard about this specific thing.

I do know that I haven't yet met a Quaker who would consider him one in practice. There are such things as "birthright" Quakers at some meetings. But, that doesn't make you a Quaker in your daily life.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I'm really interested in this thread. I hope you don't mind OP but I posted this same article a while back and was told by more that one person that it was really insulting. Kama'aiana mama, you were one of them. I would like to know why it's insulting. I've always been afraid to ask because some people weren't that gentle with me when I used it - saying things like * 'nuff said * and such.

BTW, I think it's funny and posted it with the best of intentions - to support someone who was interested in the Christian religion but worried about the anti-gay issue.


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## alliwenk (Nov 6, 2003)

real or not....tee hee...Things don't have to be real to be interesting...take my mother for example.

Why do people bring up Leviticus as justification for this position...I don't mean Jews so much as Christians...but there is...um...a lot of not-very-easily-doable stuff there.

Not-meaning-to-offend-ingly,
Allison...who often







s


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

I don't recall that. I wish I could find it and see what I said so I could try to explain... but it's gone. I know I was annoyed when The West Wing built a 15 minute plot line around it... I was insulted by them using email Spam instead of writing a better script that week. I don't find the letter itself insulting per se. Just odd and at this point kind of tired from circling the globe for so many years.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I wish I could find it - I really got it handed to me but I was new and didn't have the ping pongs to stand up for myself. Live and learn. We don't get US TV so I would have had no way of knowing that the issue was more about a show than the content of the post. I *really* should have asked because it really made an impact on me.


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## QueeTheBean (Aug 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *merpk*









Am wishing that this letter post (which has been on MDC before, in no less than two threads that I believe were eventually pulled from the boards) would remove the false statement of her religious affiliation. She is not now an Orthodox Jew. My understanding is that she was *never* an 'Orthodox' Jew. She converted under Orthodox auspices, and then proceeded to affiliate Conservative.

Sorry, but it makes a difference to me. I'm an Orthodox Jew. And have no desire to be affiliated with *her*.

Sorry 'bout that. I thought I had heard that she wasn't Jewish anymore--or Orthodox anymore--wasn't sure, so I left it as I received it. It was in no way meant to single out Orthodox Jews--I'll go edit, just to be clear on that!! Also, sorry that it has been posted before--I hadn't seen it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IdentityCrisisMama*
I'm really interested in this thread. I hope you don't mind OP but I posted this same article a while back and was told by more that one person that it was really insulting. Kama'aiana mama, you were one of them. I would like to know why it's insulting. I've always been afraid to ask because some people weren't that gentle with me when I used it - saying things like * 'nuff said * and such.

BTW, I think it's funny and posted it with the best of intentions - to support someone who was interested in the Christian religion but worried about the anti-gay issue.

I had some small inkling that it might offend (as does everything, eventually, on this board :LOL ). I did think it was funny, but am also downright curious as to how religious people decide what to do and not do from the Bible's teachings. I was going to try to think how to say it nicer & post in religion. May still do that. I was raised Catholic & we pretty much ignored the Old Testament, but maybe that was just my family???


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kama'aina mama*
II know I was annoyed when The West Wing built a 15 minute plot line around it... I was insulted by them using email Spam instead of writing a better script that week.

ITA....it was a total blatant rip-off, right down to the Dr.-Laura-clone character of the woman Bartlett was ranting at.


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## Els' 3 Ones (Nov 19, 2001)

Haven't seen a single episode this year...............stopped being worth my time mid-last year.

That said, I did see the above mentioned episode and ....................... well.............Josiah Bartlett delivered it so well!!!!! I just love it when he rips into someone


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