# He only wants OUR food--anyone else been through this?



## franklinmarxmom (Nov 29, 2007)

Our dream of family dinners is a nightmare!

DS is 12 mos, loves to self-feed. We've socialized him to sit down with us at mealtimes, and now (for the most part) he eats whatever we're eating at the table. We put ours on plates, and he eats his from his highchair tray.

Except that over the last few days he won't touch what's on his tray. He just points at our plate and says "Duh! Duh" ("That! That!") until we give him some. Even though it's the same as his. We've tried showing him that it's all served from the same place, giving him a plate like ours, giving him our food, not giving him our food, to no avail. Our pleasant family meals at the table have become obnoxious.

Anyone else dealt with this? How do we stop this obnoxious behavior without making meals a battle? He only has about 5 words, and "please" is not yet one of them!

Ideas? Thanks.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

When dd was going through that phase, we just gave dh a bit more on his plate to share (she only stole from him) and less on hers. It was over by 18 months old.


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. He will soon get bored of it and demand his own plate.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

I would just put extra on your plate and feed him from there.

DS still wants whatever it is I'm eating, even when it's exactly the same as his and he's two and a half!

I think it's pretty typical toddler behaviour!


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## pbjmama (Sep 20, 2007)

Normal. Don't serve him his own except a few bites at a time from your plate or all from your plate. It won't last long and there are bigger fish to fry.


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## batsoup (Feb 3, 2006)

ditto. DS is 17 months and right now prefers to sit in my lap and be fed bites from my plate. This isn't the first time he's changed his eating "MO" and it won't be the last -- this is what he needs right now, no big deal....


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## tylerdylan (Aug 29, 2007)

Haha!!! Be happy you have it so easy!! My DS is 3 next month and rarely tries anything from our plates. He needs his own meal cooked (from a limited menu at that). And he'll spend the meal looking at our plates and saying "I don't like that" "What is that? I don't want any". Now that is obnoxious. He won't even try it, but has himself convinced he won't like it. If your DS is eating the same food as the rest of you don't discourage him - give him whatever he wants from your plates!


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## sugarcube78 (Jun 20, 2006)

"Our dream of family dinners is a nightmare"
"Our pleasant family meals at the table have become obnoxious."

I totally do not to be rude or overbarring... but... Are you serious? Your child is 12 months!!! He's just a little baby. If this behavior is driving you this crazy to use terms, such as nightmare.... wow... you're going to have a rough ride. This is totally normal for a 12 month old BABY. Everything is stages with babies and children. This too shall pass. But I think the most important advice I can give you is to change your attitude. Be grateful that he is showing some personality, choice and independence. Just gently guide him through what you feel is acceptable dinnertime behavior.


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## Pandme (Jan 31, 2007)

Mine does this.....the kicker is when he gets what on our plate, he ignores it and continues to point at our plate for whatever mystery thing he wants.

One night my husband put his own plate in front of Harrison thinking that woud solve the mystery of what he wants, but all he did was fuss.

Also, don't be so quick to knock the OP for her feelings of frustration about this. This is not fun. Once or twice I've left the table to eat in my room and let my husband deal with him. It is stressful when your child won't eat and just fusses for something you can't seem to fix. At least a teenager can speak.


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## Ellp (Nov 18, 2004)

Wow, the pp was a bit harsh! The OP sounds like a first time mom, and I can remember having the same thoughts when we were going through the same thing.

Like others have said, this time shall pass, and your little one will grow out of it. Be thankful that they want to eat.







Dd is almost 3 now and she still does the same thing, thankfully she just wants a bite now to reassure her that what we have is the same thing thats in her bowl.


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## Kwynne (Oct 24, 2005)

I guess be thankful that he actually eats? Not to be snarky - ok, maybe that was a bit snarky, but I hear you on this. During the holidays, my extended family HATED eating with our 20 month old and told us to feed him first and stick him in front of the TV so we could enjoy our dinner. Uh, he doesn't watch TV and as a mom, I signed up for many years of work when it came to my kid - eating, sleeping, you name it.

Anyhow, I agree, this too shall pass. We feed our kid from our plate, or do "courses" - start with what we want him to really eat first (i.e. vegetables) then go on to something else (say starch) and then finish with his favourite part (which is meat at the moment). We also give him fruit and between each course, we try to get a few bites in ourselves. If his plate isn't working, we feed him from ours.


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## art_teachermommy (Dec 17, 2007)

That's totally normal IME...
I'm impressed that yours stays in a highchair!!!








My DS usually starts out with his own plate in a chair and migrates to my lap and my plate....and that's ok with me.
It makes going out to eat at resturants a challenge sometimes...but it will pass...just like everything else (all too soon)


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:

Our dream of family dinners is a nightmare!
Not to play down your situation-- because food issues *are* hard to deal with no matter what-- I just wanted to remind you that it could be worse. I think it's great that he wants to eat from your plates. It won't last forever, and at least he wants to eat.







My dd is weaning off her feeding tube and I how I wish she would have eaten off our plates-- or eaten at all. It's taken a lot of therapy and patience to get her to eat, and I still have to hand-feed her most of the time (she's about to turn four). We are rejoicing right now at her progress and this is not in any way supposed to be a pity party (she is doing much better than many kids who have her condition). I just wanted to you to be thankful. Sometimes as parents living with the daily battles is very very hard and can drive you insane. It's good to remember that things could be worse.

My first dd was a very picky eater, mostly preferred milkshakes to real food, or mac and cheese if she wanted to eat. We had to hand-feed her, too. She never would sit at the table and would just run over, get a bite, go back to playing again. It was hard. Forget eating out. It was really hard. Now she's 7 and she is a really good eater, will eat just about anything we give her, and has good manners (most of the time). Just hang in there!


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

My first suggestion would be to get him a booster seat. This way hes not over in the high chair away from the table - even though its at the table, its still not really at the table like the rest of you! A booster seat will mean he can use a chair just like yours and if you are more concerned for safety, you can get booster seats with 5 point harness on them. I find them so much better as they can use the table like the rest of the family and be right up there in the action!

Also - maybe its just me. But I would just go with it (this is my second suggestion). Perhaps dont even bother putting something on his plate. Just wait until he asks for some of yours. I have my own theory about this and the dreaded toddler 'sharing' phase that comes next in 'age development'. Everything in our house is open, even our plates. We share everything. And so far this has really paid off! Perhaps there are many other factors to this but I find that the toddlers who have the most trouble sharing get it from ther parents (watch them!...and watch what you do yourself as well). The parents who snatch things out of their toddlers hands - learn to snatch out of other peoples hands. The parents who say 'no its mine!' - usually have the child who (after snatching) shouts - 'no its mine!'. So far we have avoided this big time and I really do think its because we do share everything. There is plenty for everyone in our house and if I know my ds is going some - I just make sure I make/put more on the plate hehe!...But I also make it clear I am sharing. 'I am very happy to share my food with you Duncan' (I will say to my DS) - 'you are welcome' and so on. In turn he is quite sympathetic to others needs and desires and is very willing to share as well!









Also - dont worry that he is not saying please (and thank you) yet. But make sure you are also modeling this behaviour! I started to say please and thank you wherever I could fit it in when my son started to copy what other people said. Soon after he had impecable manners! - He even says sorry now as well. It all comes in time and phases really are phases...they do pass! hehe


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## Minerva (Jul 7, 2005)

Our toddler does this frequently. She particularly likes whatever's on her daddy's plate, even though they have the same condiments on both their food.

So, simple solution: he gives her some of his, then takes some of hers. After a few go-around, she seems to catch on that they have the same thing.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Not to minimize your situation, but at least he is eating. My dd rarely eats, and when she does, it is ONLY directly from my plate while STANDING on my lap. She also has to have MY fork. She is 26 months old. I am sure this phase with your ds will end within the next year or so. Just put extra on your plate for giving to him.


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## JustVanessa (Sep 7, 2005)

I agree with the pp's that say just give him bites off your plate. At least he is eating. Sometimes when ds is super tired or cranky I let him eat off my plate first from my lap then eat my share after. Your kid is eating, that is what is important.

Your other option is feed him at his high chair before you eat and then eat seperatly.


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## alfabetsoup (Jun 13, 2005)

There is something really attractive about whatever Daddy is eating, isn't there? My DD went through this, I would make up all the plates the same but Daddy's obviously tastes better. We called it 'Daddy's Special Reserve.'

He will grow out of it, DD is 20 months and as long as we're all eating the same thing she just sticks to hers now.


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## cyndimo (Jul 20, 2005)

DS has gone through phases like this. As others have said, I wouldn't worry about it.

Pandme - DS has done this, and we figured that in his preverbal way he was saying "You seem to be enjoying what you are eating, so it must be yummy. But, this stuff you've just given me is gross, so it must not be the same thing. Please give me the actual yummy stuff."









Right now we're not in this phase, but I wouldn't be suprised if we end up there again.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Learning_Mum* 
I would just put extra on your plate and feed him from there.



That's what we did. Our DS did the same thing. He outgrew it, hang in there!


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## franklinmarxmom (Nov 29, 2007)

Wow. I certainly didn't expect this complicated a response. Where to begin?

First with an apology. My original post was not intended to communicate a desperate plea for assistance, as it came across. My usual habit is to type, then add smiles to communicate the spirit of the thing. The hour was late, I was tired, and I posted without realizing my sarcasm about "nightmare" would not be communicated. What was an attempt at a light-hearted response to something that drives me up the wall came across with greater seriousness.
I feel horribly guilty, like I have abused the goodwill and good feelings of the supportive moms here. I am truly sorry.

That being said, the anxiety and challenges of the problem are real, and I was/am seeking help to discourage an unwanted behavior. Coming back online this evening to read responses, I have to say I feel kinda hurt by a few of the posters. Even though my post came across as too over-the-top, which is my fault, it really hurts to be told to change my attitude, give thanks I have it so good, etc. Made me feel pretty stupid and like a bad mom, expecting too much from my child, etc.

To tell the truth, I really don't know what to expect. Neither DH nor I have ever been around kids. Despite being 34 years old, only one of my girlfriends is a mom--and her DD is only 3 weeks old! I don't know what "normal" behavior is, except from what I read in books and observe in the supermarket. We live 500 miles from family and friends, in an area where there is little support for our attitudes toward natural parenting. I am the only person I know besides my LC who has ever breastfed for more than 2 weeks. I have tried to find a local moms group for support, but they all meet in the daytime, when I work. I've tried buddying-up to other moms at our daycare, but having watched them yell, slap and smoke in front of their toddlers, they aren't going to be the support I need.

MDC is it for me--even though I only found it recently, it feels like a lifeline. Now I feel a bit embarassed and shamed to be here.

So there it is--I feel guilty, hurt, frustrated and lonely all at the same time. Along with an enormous amount of gratitude to all of you who gave such helpful, supportive responses, in spite of my "obnoxious" original post.

Just trying to set the record straight, and share where I am in all of this.


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## karina5 (Apr 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *franklinmarxmom* 
Wow. I certainly didn't expect this complicated a response. Where to begin?

First with an apology. My original post was not intended to communicate a desperate plea for assistance, as it came across. My usual habit is to type, then add smiles to communicate the spirit of the thing. The hour was late, I was tired, and I posted without realizing my sarcasm about "nightmare" would not be communicated. What was an attempt at a light-hearted response to something that drives me up the wall came across with greater seriousness.
I feel horribly guilty, like I have abused the goodwill and good feelings of the supportive moms here. I am truly sorry.

That being said, the anxiety and challenges of the problem are real, and I was/am seeking help to discourage an unwanted behavior. Coming back online this evening to read responses, I have to say I feel kinda hurt by a few of the posters. Even though my post came across as too over-the-top, which is my fault, it really hurts to be told to change my attitude, give thanks I have it so good, etc. Made me feel pretty stupid and like a bad mom, expecting too much from my child, etc.

To tell the truth, I really don't know what to expect. Neither DH nor I have ever been around kids. Despite being 34 years old, only one of my girlfriends is a mom--and her DD is only 3 weeks old! I don't know what "normal" behavior is, except from what I read in books and observe in the supermarket. We live 500 miles from family and friends, in an area where there is little support for our attitudes toward natural parenting. I am the only person I know besides my LC who has ever breastfed for more than 2 weeks. I have tried to find a local moms group for support, but they all meet in the daytime, when I work. I've tried buddying-up to other moms at our daycare, but having watched them yell, slap and smoke in front of their toddlers, they aren't going to be the support I need.

MDC is it for me--even though I only found it recently, it feels like a lifeline. Now I feel a bit embarassed and shamed to be here.

So there it is--I feel guilty, hurt, frustrated and lonely all at the same time. Along with an enormous amount of gratitude to all of you who gave such helpful, supportive responses, in spite of my "obnoxious" original post.

Just trying to set the record straight, and share where I am in all of this.










I'm really sorry you feel this way. I know it can be a little intense here once in a while, and believe me, we've all (or at least almost all) have taken our fair share of not-so-gentle words here.

I hope you stay. It's a great community. Also, you already acknowledged this, but using words only over the internet it is hard sometimes to "hear" tone, intent, etc... I believe you that you were just sort of blowing off a little frustration.

Please don't personalize some of the not supportive posts....there are a lot of great mommies here, and you CAN get a lot of support and learn a lot, too.

Have a good night!







:


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## hix (Mar 16, 2006)




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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

DD does this too but only to DH. He would get frustrated until he learned to put her meal on his plate and vice versa. He also found it was a good way to get her to try things, if he made a big deal about liking them, she would usually try them.

FWIW, my mom would have said something like, 'family dinners are a nightmare because of her' and meant it. I understand you were being sarcastic and appreciate it because I can be extremely sarcastic but some of us have our own baggage to deal with. So take what you read with a grain of salt. If it doesn't apply to you, feel free to ignore.


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## zebaby (Nov 4, 2006)

DS is 13 mo and does the same. I also try to just give him a little at a time from my plate (or DH's). Sometimes he'll just feed me the food he has on his plate and I give him mine. I think it's sweet really. These years will fly by and I know I will miss these moments.


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

I would get your ds colorful plates and bowls with his own utensils and a sippy so his table setting is like yours.... dd is 16mo and has been using forks and spoons fairly well for the last 2mo or so and shes had them at her table setting since about 9mo.....


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elmh23* 
When dd was going through that phase, we just gave dh a bit more on his plate to share (she only stole from him) and less on hers. It was over by 18 months old.


*Um, so what do you do if it is off a sibling's plate?* My ds eats off of his sister's plate all the time and it drives all of us nuts. His poor sister has to fight to keep her own food on her own plate.

It makes no difference that they have the exact same thing, even if we make a big deal out of that. We've tried all kinds of seating arrangements. It doesn't help that ds is very tall and has long arms, and our table is small. Also, I have an aversion to strapping them into seats because we have a Montessori home.


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## 1006baby (Aug 22, 2006)

Whew! My 15-month-old son is not the only one! He started this about three weeks ago. He signs that he is "all done" and won't take another bite - but then he is at my chair wanting what I am eating - even though it is the exact same meal!!! At fist I could not figure it out but now I just go with it and figure at least he is getting his nutrients.

Interestingly, he never seeks food from DH's plate - just mine.


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## Nourishma (Dec 31, 2005)

I understand the op frustration completely...for some reason, when I am eating I find it extremelely difficult to enjoy my meal with my son on my lap, stirring my food around, taking my fork, playing with my food etc......that may not be right of me but it is the way that it makes me feel...while I want him to feel that we all share everything, I think that for me it is an issue of personal space.
For the most part I am happy to hold him whenever he wants, have always nursed on demand, take him with me everywhere, spend a lot of time playing, reading, and singing with him but for some reason when I eat I just want that little bit of time to enjoy my food....
Also, I have seen other people be frustrated by this as well..I understand that it is normal and all that but it simply makes it hard to eat when you can't see your food, you don't have possession of your fork, or in your case don't have time to eat yourself because your too busy feeding him..
I don't know really how to deal with it yet but I do understand.....
Yes it is developmentally appropriate, but that doesn't mean that it should continue, just because it is normal doesn't mean it is the best way for him to learn to be. I know toddlers don't understand that other people have feelings but that doesn't mean you should treat them as though their feelings are the only ones that need to be considered.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
*Um, so what do you do if it is off a sibling's plate?* My ds eats off of his sister's plate all the time and it drives all of us nuts. His poor sister has to fight to keep her own food on her own plate.

It makes no difference that they have the exact same thing, even if we make a big deal out of that. We've tried all kinds of seating arrangements. It doesn't help that ds is very tall and has long arms, and our table is small. Also, I have an aversion to strapping them into seats because we have a Montessori home.









no clue. We haven't gotten there yet.


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## nancy926 (Mar 10, 2003)

OP - it's okay. I don't think there IS such a thing as "normal" when it comes to kids.







Sure, there is a range of commonly seen behavior - and eating off someone else's plate is one of those. My DD is almost 2.5 and she still would rather sit on my lap and eat my food than eat her own identical food. We have started joking that I am her "taster."

They grow out of it, IMHO, no matter what you do. So find a way to minimize your own anxiety/annoyance. My way was just to let her sit on my lap and eat my food. It's really not a big deal to me. I like having her there (most of the time), and soon she will be too big to want to do that. DD1 did the same thing, we went along with it, and she eventually stopped doing it.

A line from "Grease" goes through my head many times a day...."The rules are, there ain't no rules." WE as parents are the ones who feel like things "have" to be a certain way. If you can start to let go of that a little, it's surprising (to me, at least) how much more FUN parenting becomes.

Take care,
Nancy


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## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

We have a little moocher too. She always wants to sit on "your lap? your lap?" and sometimes will eat off her plate, but lots of times wants what is on ours. Oh well, at least she eats.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

We have this problem sometimes. I just give DS my plate and take his (we recently switched to giving him full sized plates and utensils). I switch as many times as necessary. Seems to work ok.


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## sugarcube78 (Jun 20, 2006)

:_Wow. I certainly didn't expect this complicated a response. Where to begin?

First with an apology. My original post was not intended to communicate a desperate plea for assistance, as it came across. My usual habit is to type, then add smiles to communicate the spirit of the thing. The hour was late, I was tired, and I posted without realizing my sarcasm about "nightmare" would not be communicated. What was an attempt at a light-hearted response to something that drives me up the wall came across with greater seriousness.
I feel horribly guilty, like I have abused the goodwill and good feelings of the supportive moms here. I am truly sorry.

That being said, the anxiety and challenges of the problem are real, and I was/am seeking help to discourage an unwanted behavior. Coming back online this evening to read responses, I have to say I feel kinda hurt by a few of the posters. Even though my post came across as too over-the-top, which is my fault, it really hurts to be told to change my attitude, give thanks I have it so good, etc. Made me feel pretty stupid and like a bad mom, expecting too much from my child, etc.

To tell the truth, I really don't know what to expect. Neither DH nor I have ever been around kids. Despite being 34 years old, only one of my girlfriends is a mom--and her DD is only 3 weeks old! I don't know what "normal" behavior is, except from what I read in books and observe in the supermarket. We live 500 miles from family and friends, in an area where there is little support for our attitudes toward natural parenting. I am the only person I know besides my LC who has ever breastfed for more than 2 weeks. I have tried to find a local moms group for support, but they all meet in the daytime, when I work. I've tried buddying-up to other moms at our daycare, but having watched them yell, slap and smoke in front of their toddlers, they aren't going to be the support I need.

MDC is it for me--even though I only found it recently, it feels like a lifeline. Now I feel a bit embarassed and shamed to be here.

So there it is--I feel guilty, hurt, frustrated and lonely all at the same time. Along with an enormous amount of gratitude to all of you who gave such helpful, supportive responses, in spite of my "obnoxious" original post.

Just trying to set the record straight, and share where I am in all of this._

*I do want to apologize for my response to this thread. I'm usually not a snarky kind of person, and I have been snarked at here... and I know how bad it makes you feel when you are trying to reach out. I was just taken a back by the terms used and I just reacted, hence my spew of a post. I don't want you to feel shamed to be here. This is an open forum for all of us to find support. Along with that, goes... posting before thinking sometimes. Which is what I did. I whole heartadly apologize. Parenting is a frustrating occupation at times and I know I've felt as you did the moment you posted.*


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## Kwynne (Oct 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *franklinmarxmom* 
So there it is--I feel guilty, hurt, frustrated and lonely all at the same time. Along with an enormous amount of gratitude to all of you who gave such helpful, supportive responses, in spite of my "obnoxious" original post.

I also apologize for my post. As a first time mom, I totally should have known better. I know how often I've been treated like I was a bad parent because I was asking for help.

Again, I am sorry to have been so rude.


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## queensgirl (Nov 15, 2006)

I didn't mind when DD ate from our plate. We used it as an opportunity to introduce her to new food. When we go out to eat we never have to worry about a kids menu. She eats sushi, pad tai, veggies but only with lots of garlic and she even like chicken curry. We just have to watch our diets so that we don't eat anything we don't want her to have!


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## p.s (May 27, 2005)




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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

So truly, no one has ever dealt with siblings bugging each other by eating off each other's plates???


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

**Doublepost**


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## KimProbable (Jun 22, 2005)

DD used to be hugely into eating off of my plate and DH's plate. We would make sure to put most (if not all!) of her food onto our plates so that she could just eat from there. This phase has come and gone a few times and I'm always just grateful that she's eating!

I think it can be so difficult, especially with our first babies, to know how to approach things. I remember finding parenting difficult when DS approached his first birthday. I felt like I had just figured out the "keep him fed and clean" thing and now I had to actively parent and deal with things like tantrums and hitting.

It's so much easier with DD because I've had some experience and I have some perspective on the situation. I read your first post and thought "What's the problem? Just feed him off your plate!", forgetting how hard things can be the first time around.

Big hugs to you mama, you sound like a great parent who's trying to do what's best for her little one.


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