# disapline for a 16 month old



## SaraBravo (May 28, 2006)

my dd does not like to listen at all. i have no idea how to disapline her to get her to listen to us when we tell her no or whatever. she knows what we are talking about becuase she sits there and trys to test us. we tell her not to go in the hall for example and she'll put one foot in we'll say no come here then she'll put both feet in. we'll say ok we're coming ur in trouble or something of the sort and she try to go up the stairs as fast as she can. i dont know what else to do.


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## Changed (Mar 14, 2004)

Accept the fact that she'll only be little for a little while and she's too young for "discipline". Babies don't listen. Testing you is a normal part of her development.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

If it's an area that is potentially dangerous (like stairs), I would install a baby gate. The big thing with my toddler is that even if she understands what I'm asking her to do, she (1) has almost zero impulse control; (2) forgets whatever the "rule" was 2 seconds after we go over it; and (3) thinks everything is a fun game, and doesn't understand about danger or absolutes. I think that's normal and we approach her behavior as such.

I'm sure others will have more suggestions, but our approach has been to eliminate hazards/dangerous things to the extent possible, and with respect to preferences, we try to distract her to a different object or simply use gentle repetition to try to get the point across. It doesn't work immediately and I don't expect it to. My dd is almost 22 mos now.

I've also learned to let the little things slide. It's not the end of the world if she opens up all the junk mail and makes a bit of a mess with it, kwim?


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## seamama11 (Jan 5, 2007)

I agree with the pp. I know it can be frustrating but it is her job to test her limits. It is so great that she understands what you mean, even when she isn't following directions. My son is 18 months and when he does something we dont want him to (play too rough with the dog), go behind the chair to play with the lamp), we tell him in a simple and firm way why that isnt ok, and then we redirect. There is no way my 18 month would stay out of a hall, kitchen, room, without a gate or a door shut. He loves exploring so it is up to us to try to avoid those situations. I really believe that for the next many months it is about being consistent, gentle, and minimizing their opportunities to do something they shouldn't
Good luck,
Sarah


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

It sounds like she listens just fine. She just doesn't always react with robotic obedience, which is entirely normal and age-appropriate for a 16-month-old baby.

At this age, set her up for success. Prevent safety problems and create safe spaces where she can play. Primary discipline techniques at this age should be redirection, distraction and modeling appropriate behavior. Beyond that, she just doesn't have the impulse control to stop herself from exploring unsafe things that intrigue her. That is your job.

Best wishes!


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

At that age I just try to childproof everything and have the house as safe as possible. They just love to explore at that age. I don't like to have a lot of rules for babies who can't understand them.


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## Naturalway (Sep 8, 2006)

I ditto the PP's. She is too young for discipline IMO. I have a 16 mos old as well.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Just keep telling her no, and keep going after her to get her when she does it anyway. Eventually (we're talking months, at the very least) she'll start actually doing what you tell her to









The only real 'discipline' that's effective at this age is your follow-through. When you say something, you have to follow through and make it happen, because the babe is too young to check herself effectively most of the time.

After the millionth time you go grab her and get her out of the hallway after telling her not to go down there, she'll realize that no matter what, when you say "don't go down there" she ends up back in the living room.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

Remember that she's only been on this earth for 16 months. She's hardly begun to understand the language you speak. She doesn't have the capability to be defiant at this age. She's a baby. Hardly over a year old. My triplets are 15 months old, so I understand what you mean by 'not listening', but the fact is, she IS listening. She is taking in her whole world, everything you say, trying to understand the meaning behind everything. It's very confusing and overstimulating for her. She doesn't mean to not 'obey'. You need to create a 'yes' environment for her. Babyproof everything, let her have free roam to explore and learn. She will be much better off, you will be less stressed, and there will not be any issue about 'not listening'. That is something you teach at a much much older age, when they're actually developmentally capable of doing things you ask.


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana9+2* 
(3) thinks everything is a fun game, and doesn't understand about danger or absolutes. I think that's normal and we approach her behavior as such.


My ds was exactly like this. In fact I wrote a post similair to this one over the summer when he was constantly running up out backyard hill towards the street. I finally firgured out (with the help of some mama's here) that all he wanted was for me to chase him. After I started catching that cue and chased him in safer places, his hill taunting stopped.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

She's really just a baby. Don't expect her to "obey" for at least another year or year and a half.

-Angela


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## SaraBravo (May 28, 2006)

wow i had no idea. thanks everyone. my parents just spankedn us and thats not what i want to do


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## ruhbehka (Nov 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SaraBravo* 
wow i had no idea. thanks everyone. my parents just spankedn us and thats not what i want to do











Good for you for looking for a better way.


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## Way Up North (Sep 15, 2007)

Another good for you








Yep, she is a baby. She isn't testing you. In order to figure out what a word or an idea means, you have to play with it, right?
I agree, shut the door, put up a gate, remove the temptation and risk.
When she is in a situation where you want to say no, stop and think for a moment... is what is happening dangerous? immoral? mean? not likely, so probably not worth a no!
We actually pretty much removed no from our vocabulary with our daughter.
So little was worth a 'no' ~ save it until you have to use it.








Besides if you say "no don't touch that" a toddler will hear 'touch that'. So why not say "hey kiddo, did you see this xyz over here?" and change the focus.
Good luck! That is a tough stage! My dd is 28 months but I remember that 12-18 month period well!

L


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

The other posters said it too, but at 16 months, she has no idea that she's not listening to you. And when she's "testing" you, you've got to understand that it really is just a game to her.

She's not doing it to be disobedient. She's doing it because when you say "Don't go in the hall," she thinks, "Hmmm, the hall, that could be fun."


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

my dd is the same age as yours and sometimes she does what we ask and other times I just have to pick her up and stop her from what she was doing.... she kinda knows what you're saying but really she doesn't understand that you're saying it for a really good reason.... I remember your posts from last year are you still living with your(or was it your dps) mom? If so I would set VERY specific ground rules for discipline.


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## yoginisarah (Dec 20, 2007)

I have a 16 month old son and the thing is that they can't understand WHY they can't do something. So, it's confusing. They learn that we don't want them to do things, but why not? It's actually helped to label why we don't want him to do something. Like, we've told him that the plunger in the bathroom is "dirty." For some reason, now, he'll go in there, point, and say "dirty, dirty" but won't touch it. So, I think it makes more sense to him if I label it and tell him why. So, maybe that would help. But besides saying "don't touch" and taking him somewhere else to play with something else, I don't think 16 month olds respond to "discipline."


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Here's an article on Toddler Testing that I love: http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html


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## nigellas (Jun 18, 2006)

Quote:

Like, we've told him that the plunger in the bathroom is "dirty." For some reason, now, he'll go in there, point, and say "dirty, dirty" but won't touch it.
I'll have to try that. My 16MO is plunger obsessed.


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## StartingtoCrunch (Dec 4, 2007)

read a great article on this, I think it is in this month's mothering.

Talked about how it is so confusing to a toddler that you can give a high 5, but hitting on the face is wrong, and how it's okay to dump out water in the sink or in the tub but not out of the tub.

Try getting her perspective.

Sorry short, need to run!


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## PNWmama (Sep 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yoginisarah* 
I have a 16 month old son and the thing is that they can't understand WHY they can't do something. So, it's confusing. They learn that we don't want them to do things, but why not? It's actually helped to label why we don't want him to do something. Like, we've told him that the plunger in the bathroom is "dirty." For some reason, now, he'll go in there, point, and say "dirty, dirty" but won't touch it. So, I think it makes more sense to him if I label it and tell him why. So, maybe that would help. But besides saying "don't touch" and taking him somewhere else to play with something else, I don't think 16 month olds respond to "discipline."

We do the same thing with my 16 month old son, and it seems to work somewhat. The kitty litter box is "yucky", so he likes to just stand and point at it and say "yuck yuck". Same thing with the stove, we tell him "stay away, it's hot, hot" and now he just points and says "hot hot". So cute!
But, this technique is not working in regards to pulling the cat's tail!


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## spd_ (Mar 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NotTheOnlyOne* 
My ds was exactly like this. In fact I wrote a post similair to this one over the summer when he was constantly running up out backyard hill towards the street. I finally firgured out (with the help of some mama's here) that all he wanted was for me to chase him. After I started catching that cue and chased him in safer places, his hill taunting stopped.

i've had the same experience. i try not to say "no" so much, but "leave it alone, please," "out of the trash, please," "that's not for playing with." (i also say "thank you" when he listens--i think discipline should be polite as well as gentle!) Saying these things and taking away the object or taking him away, DS knows what he's not supposed to do. Most often, when he does things he knows are not allowed, it's because he wants my attention. I try to make sure we have a good amount of time each day where he gets my attention, and then it's much easier to leave him to entertain himself (in babyproofed areas) while i do things like cook dinner. and if it's one of those days when he's only going to act out (he'll play with the outlets in the kitchen, for example, only when i'm cooking) or cry if i'm trying to do something else, then, if possible, i give up on whatever i'm trying to accomplish. if not, then i'll try to involve him in some way, talking to him or asking him about his toys, putting him in the baby carrier while i cook, or putting him in his high chair in the kitchen and giving him something to eat or some food to "cook" with. and above all, i try to keep my sense of humor at how such a tiny person takes so much energy!

good luck!


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## abi&ben'smom (Oct 28, 2007)

I'll have to agree with removing the temptation. They're just too young to understand the danger, etc. My ds's favorite thing to do when he was that age was to run as fast as he could down the driveway and into the street. It didn't matter how many "no"s, "stop"s, or distractions, he would try to do in anyway. He never made it, thank goodness. I learned quickly to always stand between him and the street. He stopped doing it eventually. They just don't know any better.


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