# Do they really just magically start sleeping better eventually? Inspiration, please.



## snhbfpin2006 (Jun 13, 2006)

I have a 13 month old DS who co-sleeps and night nurses a lot. I love that my DH and I made the choice to have a family bed, but right now, DS is getting his first molars in and, if you cosleep/night nurse, then you know that teething means being up several more times than usual in the night. In general, I do believe that I sleep more than non cosleeping/nursing mothers, but in all the reading I've done, I keep hearing that "eventually" he will just start magically sleeping longer spans at night adn, voila, be night weaned on his own. I really do want to believe in happy endings. So please, can anyone tell me actual stories of your babies' nightweaning/sleeping through the night. It would be nice if we ever heard what we really should expect. I just want to bunker down and prepare myself, you know? Should I be expecting him to be in bed with us until he's 4 or 5? Am I eventually going to have to "nidge" hm a bit. I just would like to hear the real deal from you all. Please, I need the inspiration. Thanks!


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## Anny (Apr 7, 2007)

I don't have any inspiration for you (sorry!) as I am feeling exactly the same way! I co-sleep with my 9 month old and she is nursing every hour all night at the moment. I am starting to really doubt myself, and am wondering if it's truely a need or a habit at this stage. I will be reading your thread and eagerly awaiting the inspiration too !
Lisa


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## BunniMummi (Jan 28, 2005)

I think it's going to depend on the kid. My 3 year old has never been a good sleeper. My 7 month old is one of those kids you can put down awake and he will fall asleep on his own. I bet he will be sleeping through the night in his own bed before DS1. :/

On the upside even if they are still in your bed, cosleeping isn't nearly as difficult once they aren't chewing on your boobs all night.


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## Acugirl (Jan 1, 2003)

My experience with my dd who is now almost 5 is this..
we coslept and she nursed every 2 hrs all night long until she was about 2yrs 5 months or so. At that point I had had enough! also, I think all of her teeth were in. I started gradually night weaning-very gradually. She would ask to nurse, I would say no and she would cry. I would stay with her talk her through it. I also worked with getting her to go to sleep with out nursing.
Eventually, she started sleeping longer stretches and just went from there.
By 3 she was sleeping in her own room, in her own bed and not nursing any more( nursing stopped altogether around 2.6).
So, yes, she did need a nudge from me. But it was slow and steady and very minimal tears involved.
I hope to do the same with ds...who is 16 months and nursing all the live long night!


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## BoringTales (Aug 1, 2006)

My boys both started sleeping through the night when they weaned completely. So for DS1 that was 13 months, and for DS2 is was about 16 months. I had planned on nursing them longer, but I got pregnant while nursing both times and my milk supply dried up almost immediately. They kept nursing for quite a while, but eventually lost interest. Honestly, while I'd planned to go longer I was ready to sleep, especially being pregnant as well. I have much respect for those who nurse all the way through pregnancy and then tandem nurse after, I couldn't do it!


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

I "nudged" both of mine. The 1st at 1 year then total nightweaning at 19 months. The other around a year and she just nightweaned herself this month (she's almost 14 months). I put her in her own room and she instantly started sleeping all night most nights.


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## CalBearMama (Sep 23, 2005)

My DS just turned 3. I decided very early on to CLW, both day and night, as long as there wasn't any truly compelling reason for me to nudge DS along faster. So far, so good. Yes, teething was tough (especially the two year molars), but each teething bout accounted for about a week or so of increased wakings, and then after that, things would settle down again. When he was between one and two years old (roughly), I'd say that he generally woke to nurse two or three times a night (not counting nursing to sleep and nursing to wake up in the morning). Once his two year molars were in, the nightwakings dropped pretty dramatically, and never really reoccurred unless he was sick.

(It also helped that I discovered that a lot of his restless sleep was due to needing to pee, and instituted nighttime EC. You can search this forum for my prior posts on this topic if you're interested.)

Anyway, from one day to the next, it doesn't really feel like things are changing, but over time, they definitely have. Without any prompting from me, DS now nurses about 3-4 times in a 24 hour period, whereas a year ago, I'd say it was closer to 6-8 times. He nurses to fall asleep, sometimes once in the middle of the night (but not always), and to wake up in the morning. He generally sleeps longer without waking to nurse if he has a good snack before bed (last night, he had an egg right before bed and didn't wake up to nurse for about 8 hours after nursing to sleep). His other nursing session of the day is for his afternoon nap (if he's with me) or in the early evening (if it was a work day for me). In addition to dropping nursing sessions, I've also noticed recently that he's starting to reduce the length of most of them on his own.

As for the duration of co-sleeping, I feel like my son's need to co-sleep is likely to outlast nursing. I think he's going through another separation anxiety phase right now, because he flips out if he wakes up and I'm not in bed with him. I explain that I don't need as much sleep as he does (ha! right!), so I wake up and do things while he's sleeping, but he won't listen to logic - he wants me to sleep with him "all night long." He recently learned that one of his little friends sleeps in his own room, and I think that kind of shook his world a little bit - he just doesn't understand how any mom could be so heartless as to make her child sleep alone in a separate room









Anyway, every child will obviously have his or her own timeline and readiness with respect to both nursing and co-sleeping, but I can tell you that the nursing, and the night nursing in particular, will decrease over time, even if you do nothing to actively wean.


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## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

When My DS was 13 months old he started slowing down his nursing at night, all on his own. At 15 months he gave it up all together and started sleeping through the night! He still sleeps with us but from 8 to 8 with no waking! I nurse him before bed, he lays down and goes to sleep, I leave and join him when I am ready for bed myself. The one exception was recently when he finally cut is eye teeth (@25 months)! Every baby is different but there is hope that one day they will sleep blissfully through the night!


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Well, no "magically sleeping better" here lol. Sorry.
Ds was not a good sleeper when he was younger. It did get better when he was close to 2 (a little younger) and I started telling him "I'm going to sleep, you're going to sleep, nips are going to sleep" (nips are what we call nursing), and telling him that he can nurse again when the sun came up. I'd nurse him if he woke at night, but it REALLY decreased the night wakings on the nights that I actually remembered to tell him.

We started nightweaning a la Jay Gordon at 2.5. At first, it was 7 hours of not nursing, then closer to 3 I only nursed in the morning before we got up, and now I sometimes nurse him to sleep, and no other time in bed.

Every step of night nursing came with much better sleep. I'm sure it wouldn't have happened like that if I'd tried nightweaning when he was younger than that though.


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## sarahsmiles (Jan 9, 2007)

Basically I just wanted to sub. DD is back in bed with us after a few wakings and is nursing constantly due to molar. (3 down, 1 to go.) I just couldn't keep getting up and nursing her every hour. Literally.

But I'm also hoping she'll just start "magically" sleeping longer and will sleep on her own for most of the night with fewer wakings. I know most people seem to think teething is a pretty short ordeal, but these last two molars (or something) have been coming in for over a month and a half now.

I'm not helping the OP, I guess, but please, more experienced mamas, give us comfort!


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## quiero a mi bebe (Oct 26, 2007)

My dd was completly weaned at about 16 months and she still sleeps with us (she's about 26 months), we have her bed right next to ours and she still won't sleep in it. So once she's asleep, sometimes we can put her in her bed and she'll stay there a few hours, but for the most part she just sleeps with us all night. I've finally accepted that she will be sleeping in bed with us for a long time. It is better now that she doesn't nap, so she sleeps pretty good at night. So hang in there, it's tough but eventually it gets better.


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

DD is almost 20 months, and I'm still waiting for things to magically get better.


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## Sunfish_mom (Aug 15, 2007)

I slept with both boys until they were more comfortable sleeping alone. My 2y/o was 6 months when he started sleeping in his own bed at night. I would put him down at 7:30 and he slept through untill morning. If he ever woke up he came to bed with me. He still does but teething was never an issue.
My 1y/o has never liked sleeping with me. Maybe up to the 2 mobth mark. It's like he can't relax enough when I'm right there next to him. To much hair and jewelry to play with to make falling asleep easy. He has 1 molar left to cut and it is such a pain for both of us. He can't sleep alone because there is nothing to distract him at night from the pain. He can't sleep with me becaue there are too many distractions to fall asleep. I just figure this too will pass.


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## MelKnee (Dec 5, 2001)

My ds did.
He slept horribly for 3 yrs. Waking every 20 mins or so. He didn't always need to be nursed, but he needed help getting back to sleep. Then, around 3.5 yrs, he woke maybe 2 or 3 times. Now, at 6.5 yrs, he sleeps like a rock for 10 or 11 hours.


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## ruhbehka (Nov 5, 2006)

It really does magically happen!

We had horrible sleep for nearly a year... I mean waking 6+ times every night, getting up to play at 3 am, not falling asleep until 10 and waking at 6, etc.

Then after his molars came in, around 14 months, he just started waking once per night. And then only every other night. And now we've had four or five nights in a row with no waking.

I promise, there was no nudging.









I don't know if this is temporary or permanent, but I am feeling hopeful!


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## cutic (May 19, 2005)

We also cosleep and nurse here. My older dd turned 3 when I got her little sister and she was still nursing 2 - 3 times a night. I really hoped she would night wean during my pregnancy but that hadn't happened. I kept nursing the two of them at night which became too much at some point so I decided to gently night wean my older one. She got a stomach bug and her stomach couldn't hold any food, not even BM. I told her she wouldn't nurse that night as she would vomit if she did. She was OK with that and I just told her later that now she knows how to go back to sleep on her own when she wakes at night and that she can always snuggle with me.
So she needed a little push but I guess she was ready as it went so smooth.


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## nylecoj (Apr 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CalBearMama* 
He recently learned that one of his little friends sleeps in his own room, and I think that kind of shook his world a little bit - he just doesn't understand how any mom could be so heartless as to make her child sleep alone in a separate room









I love this line --- it totally makes me want to keep on co-sleeping as long as dd needs it.


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## gurglebaby (Aug 21, 2007)

My ds has been waking every 1-2 hours at night:yawning







retty much since the beginning.I have been completely exhausted especially because he only has 30 minute naps during the day.
I've tried everything including buying an amby bed. We co-sleep and I thought I'd try and see if he was better on his own in the amby next to us but it didn't help.
I then read last week on a thread that having the t.v. on whether it be a nice show or not is too stimulating for a baby and distrupts their sleep patterns. So I tried it. Absolutely no t.v. on in our house while ds is awake. Since then he only wakes up twice a night and I am loving life. Granted it has only been a week and maybe this isn't the reason but it's working well so far.







: I am hoping it continues.


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

I was just nursing my 10-month-old DS and thinking about posting this same thing. I was thinking about how I had always envisioned that he'd be sleeping through the night by now (ha - like I get a say in it!)

I was going to ask if nightweaning was the "magic key" to STTN, but it sounds like it is, from the previous posts. When is nightweaning recommended? Personally, I can't imagine nightweaning my DS anytime soon.

A friend of mine also said that once her LO started walking that he slept better at night - does anyone have any experience with that?


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## ryansma (Sep 6, 2006)

IMHO the "magically get better "thing is a fallacy for most babes. I think that idea is often confused with the idea of developmental readiness to sleep longer stretches.
Babies become developmentally able to sleep longer stretches without nursing but have developed sleep associations that may hinder their ability to do so. Most little ones are not going to suddenly change a habit pattern on their own.
Nursing to sleep is AWESOME and I like what Dr Jay Gordon says about not messing with night nursing until at least the nursing is a year old.
I loved nursing my ds to sleep and even overnight. I loved knowing I was doing the best I could for him. And even enjoyed our middle of the night cuddle sessions. That being said, I hit a *big* wall at about 18 months. I was shorter on patience, in tears often and getting horrible tension headaches from the way I was sleeping around ds to nurse. He was nursing about every two hours.
I didn't want to completely night wean but I wanted to help ds know that he could sleep longer without the boob in his mouth. I was right next to him and there if he needed.
I would nurse him at bedtime but started to pop him off and rocking him to sleep. He was a little confused at first and would fuss but after about two weeks he started to expect it. Now, it's been over a month and he sometimes just wants to snuggle after he nurses and this has carried over to other night wakings. He is more willing to settle back in without nursing. I try to stay awake a little more when he does wake in the night so I can unlatch him before he is really asleep. It's hard (for me as opposed to just falling back asleep with him) but I know it will help him learn he can do it. It is still a process but I am more optimistic than ever.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

It varies from child to child I'm sure, but I suffered from sleep deprivation for almost 2 years with my son- then miraculously he started sleeping long stretches. This is a child who would wake up every 2 hours to nurse and nurse for at least 15 min at a time up until he was 18 months! I did notice a correlation between him nursing less during the day when I went back to work and him then starting to nurse less at night too. He weaned at 2 years old (a combo of losing interest, bad latch, and me being in pain from his vampire like canine teeth) and shortly after slept through the night for the first time.

Now he's 2 1/2 and consistenly sleeps through the night- provided I am sleeping right next to him. If I even get up to use the bathroom he will wake from a sound sleep and cry out for me. I think we'll be co-sleeping for a long time which I have no problem with, I love cuddling him and knowing he's right there next to me safe and sound. I'm just grateful to no longer suffer from chronic sleep deprivation!


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## snhbfpin2006 (Jun 13, 2006)

All very intersting feedback -- so thank you all.

I guess I still am wondering if I've just created these sleep associations for my baby that he may not actually developmentally need.

I nurse my 13mo ds to sleep around 8 p.m. and put him down in his crib. He usually will sleep until 12 or 1 unless he is teething, in which case, we're up at least 2 or 3 times before midnight nursing him back to sleep and put him back down in his crib. When he's not teething, it's nice because I have time with dh and can get things done around the housebefore I go to bed. Then the first time he wakes after I've gone to bed, I go and get him out of his crib and bring him to bed with us. He probably wakes about 3 times to nurse in the night and is up with the first sign of sun.

I haven't really had tons of problems with cosleeping, or even with him night nursing, but you just wonder at what point he will "magically" learn to sleep longer stretches and through the night and in his own bed. It just seems to me that he has no reason to -- I mean, why would doing that even occur to him when I have never given him any reason to? So I just wonder if I need to actually take steps -- slowly, of course -- toward night weaning and sleeping in his own bed.

I also wondered if I converted his crib to the toddler bed if he would do better that way? Or if it would help me sleep better if he could get out of his own bed and come into our room on his own when he is ready to at night. (I'd of course have the gate up at the top of our stairs and bathroom doors closed.)

Again, I guess I'm just wondering if it would be easier to start changing his sleep associations now rather than waiting until he's older, especially since we hope to get pregnant again sometime next year.

Any more thoughts, experiences, avice -- please keep it coming. It sounds like I am not the only one struggling with this, which is comforting too!


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## CalBearMama (Sep 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snhbfpin2006* 
I guess I still am wondering if I've just created these sleep associations for my baby that he may not actually developmentally need.

In my mind, 13 months is still really young, even though our culture tells us that babies are supposed to be STTN and totally "independent" long before then. Whenever I've started to doubt whether I was doing the right thing, or whether night-nursing was just a crutch or a "bad habit" for my DS, I would ask myself a few questions:

1. Why is he waking at night, and might there be something I can do to address his needs more specifically than nursing him back to sleep?

In our case, nursing him back to sleep always "worked," in that he went back to sleep (at least for a little while). But it didn't address, for instance, the fact that he was really waking up sometimes because he needed to pee. So once I started helping him pee in the toilet/potty at his first waking (about four hours after he nursed to sleep), the night wakings after that (and hence the night nursing) decreased pretty dramatically.

2. Does he really seem to need to nurse during the middle of the night for nutrition?

For us, until very recently (and he's three, remember), the answer to this question was YES! When he nursed during the middle of the night, he was HUNGRY and ate A LOT. I think it's helpful to remember that our milk production is actually highest in the wee hours of the morning, and that it makes sense from a biological standpoint for our babies to get nutrition at regular intervals throughout the day and night. 8, 10, or 12 hours is a long time to expect a child to go without eating or drinking anything.

If the night-nursing is really getting you down, you can try addressing his hunger in other ways, like making sure he really gets enough to eat (both food and milk) during the day, including a pretty substantial snack before bed. I also found that my son was often just thirsty, and would accept a drink of water instead of nursing if I thought to offer that (this was after age two or so - before that, it would not have gone over well).

3. Does he need to nurse during the night for some other reason?

In my book, teething, illness, and disrupted sleep due to excitement over developmental milestones are all normal and valid reasons that a baby may need the comfort (and immunities and pain relieving properties) of nursing during the night.

My bottom line: Until a few weeks ago, I could count on one hand the number of times my son had slept more than about four hours without waking up for some reason. But in the past few weeks, he has stopped needing to pee during the night almost entirely, and most nights, he doesn't wake up at all from about 10 p.m. to about 6 or 7 a.m. He still occasionally nurses once in the middle of the night, but he's doing away with this nursing session on his own (just as he has with others). I know it's hard, when your baby is still relatively young and nursing a lot, to believe that he will ever give up nursing on his own. But having seen it happen gradually over the past three years, I have come to really trust my son to know what he needs. I just hope that my DH will continue to give DS the space and time to outgrow co-sleeping naturally, rather than try to force him to give it up, but that's an issue for another post . . .


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## Valian (Oct 16, 2005)

At 13mo my Ds still wouldn't sleep more than 30min without waking up after bedtime and you could set your watch by it. Dh would rock him back to sleep, we'd get another 45min then rinse and repeat until I went to bed and switched to nursing back to sleep.

Around 14-15mo he 'magically' started sleeping through that 30min barrier and now will go 1-1.5 hours before his first wake-up pretty consistently depending on the status of teething. We get another 1-1.5 hours after that too.

Around 15-17mo he was sleeping in pretty long streches (only 2-3 wake ups per night) but we're back up in the double digits for waking as more teeth are coming in.

Recently, he'll wake-up or call out as he always has and have fallen back asleep before we arrive in the room. Yesterday, I watched him wake-up during his nap, look around, say a few words and then fall back asleep. Just 5mo ago, if he opened his eyes it would be all over.

It is surely a slow process of development, but I can see clear changes and 'advancement' in his sleeping patterns, although it isn't just a straight march to STTN, but rather two steps forward and one back.


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## summerbabe (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaJenese* 
When My DS was 13 months old he started slowing down his nursing at night, all on his own. At 15 months he gave it up all together and started sleeping through the night! He still sleeps with us but from 8 to 8 with no waking! I nurse him before bed, he lays down and goes to sleep, I leave and join him when I am ready for bed myself. The one exception was recently when he finally cut is eye teeth (@25 months)! Every baby is different but there is hope that one day they will sleep blissfully through the night!


OMG I am so jealous. DS is 15 months and is waking at least every hour. Yes, he is cutting all 4 first molars at once so it is worse right now, but he is a big nightwaker even when not teething. I am dealing with that OK...the thing that is driving me up the wall is that I have to nurse him back down during his nap 2-3 times. I could deal with all the constant night waking if I could just get a solid nap out of him, even some days. Instead I get 20 minutes, then nurse for 15, half hour, then nurse for 20 minutes, then 15 mintues, then nap is over. Anyone have any words of wisdom on frequent NAP waking? Apparently my kid cannot get through a single sleep cycle without nursing again. Sorry for the hijack, OP.


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## jillmamma (Apr 11, 2005)

Mine both did right before age 2, once the worst of the teeth were all in.


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## snhbfpin2006 (Jun 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Valian* 
... although it isn't just a straight march to STTN, but rather two steps forward and one back.

I love this sentiment. It really puts it into perspective for me.

Now if we could just get through these first molars coming in, maybe we could all start getting some sleep again.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jillmamma* 
Mine both did right before age 2, once the worst of the teeth were all in.

That's exactly how it was for us too. My DD's molars took almost 3 months to come in, but the day the last one broke through, she immediately slept through the night. It really was magical for us.

Maybe you've already seen it, but I wish I'd read this article back when my DD's sleep was at its worst.


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## summerleaf (Sep 17, 2006)

For those who found their child's night waking was due to need to pee (I think we are in the same boat here), *can you tell me how you convinced your little one to pee in the potty (or diaper) in the middle of the night?* My daughter goes ballistic if I get her out of bed to use the potty when she wakes in the middle of the night. All she wants when she wakes is nursing back to sleep, which of course means more pee, which she typically holds till morning. I did show her recently how to turn her light on herself and one night she actually got up on her own and peed in her potty, but that was a one time deal, so far.

To reply to the original question, my daughter (2.5 yrs) has gradually improved her sleep over time with little help from me. One thing we did which maybe helped a little is moving her into her own bed in her own room. I did that when she was 19 months, because I found that my coming into bed with her (when I was ready to sleep) would wake her half the time. I often spend half the night sleeping in her twin bed with her though, nursing through much of it.


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## ryansma (Sep 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snhbfpin2006* 

Again, I guess I'm just wondering if it would be easier to start changing his sleep associations now rather than waiting until he's older, especially since we hope to get pregnant again sometime next year.

Any more thoughts, experiences, avice -- please keep it coming. It sounds like I am not the only one struggling with this, which is comforting too!

This was part of our reasoning too. We are currently ttc and I didn't want to be pregnant and exhausted and being forced to make quick changes out of desperation. I would rather start now and take it slow.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rzberrymom* 
Maybe you've already seen it, but I wish I'd read this article back when my DD's sleep was at its worst.

I really liked this article too because it validated so many of our choices. The only thing it didn't really address is what to do when it isn't working anymore. And that if any member of the family is not thriving, it is okay to make changes. My dh is the one that pointed that out to me. After 18 months of happily nursing dh back to sleep I hit a BIG wall. We found Dr Jay Gordon's article and have implemented some of his techniques.
I had hoped for the "magically sleeping better". I had really believed I could wait it out but I hit that wall first. I am hoping that as we make gradual changes and the 2 year molars come it they will both contribute to a smooth and relatively painless transition. It's just about evaluating where you are and what your needs and limits are and working from there.


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ryansma* 
...After 18 months of happily nursing *dh* back to sleep I hit a BIG wall.

Sorry, but this is what I love about sleep deprivation - hilarious typos! Wouldn't all our *DH's* love to be nursed back to sleep for 18 months?


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## babywearingmama (Nov 27, 2003)

All 3 of my boys started sleeping through the night when they were gently weaned by me at 19 months, 24 months and 35 months respectively. I waited for years for them to "magically" sleep through and they never did! A few months ago dh and I moved into our own room for the second time in 10 years (had 1 year between ds 1 and 2). Our nearly 6 and 3 1/2 year old boys are thrilled to have a room together but I miss them terribly and am sad that the years of the family bed are finally over. But I sure do get a lot of sleep!


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## ryansma (Sep 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happy2bamama* 
Sorry, but this is what I love about sleep deprivation - hilarious typos! Wouldn't all our *DH's* love to be nursed back to sleep for 18 months?










HA LOL!








I just read that to DH and he cracked up and said "if only and if you would just let me twiddle your hair too. "


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