# Older child refuses to sleep, please help!



## Night_Nurse (Nov 23, 2007)

I never thought I'd ever need to ask for help in this forum, but here I am!

My child is older (school aged) and has never had any night-time issues. He's always been a great sleeper, never been afraid of the dark, used to stay asleep all night unless he needed to pee. He co-slept as an infant but has been in his own bed/own room since a toddler. Never any issues.

Now all of a sudden (over the past 3 weeks) he's decided he's afraid of the dark, afraid to go to sleep, won't fall asleep until midnight, wakes 3 - 4 times a night and then wants to sleep all morning long. This wouldn't normally be seen as a major problem during the summer except...his night owl mama, who has worked night shift her whole adult life, has now accepted a day job and has less than a month to acclimate to a day schedule.







When DS doesn't sleep, I don't get to sleep. Plus, he's "afraid" of the dark and sleeping, and I'm troubled that my son is afraid.

Please help me help him!

Most kids I know who go through this stage are much, much younger. I can't keep surviving on 3 hours of sleep. This is what I've tried so far:

Hugs & kisses
Reassuring him
Talking/asking why/what he's afraid of
Nightlights and even leaving half the house lights on.
Co-sleeping (which doesn't work since he wants to stay up so late & not sleep once he's in bed)
Letting him sleep in the same room as sibling (same problem as above)
Music (cd's) to block out noise (which there is NO noise except for outside A/C unit)
Prayers
Reminding him police patrol and we can call 911 if needed
Reminding him policeman lives right next door
Reminding him we have an alarm and it's set
Reminding him dogs will bark if anyone is around
Telling him we'll plant thorny bushes outside his window (DH's idea so ds doesn't worry about ppl trying to break in)
Reminding him all windows are locked
No sugar or caffeine in evening (he's been known to sneak these so we try not to have them in the house)
Relaxing stories of his choice before bed
Staying with him while he falls asleep (just makes him want to talk)
Walking him back to bed w/o talking when he gets out of bed each time
Threatening to ground him if he didn't go to bed/stay in bed (okay, not very GD of me but I was exhausted by that point - it didn't work anyway) 
Ignoring him and trying to sleep in spite of him being awake (made him just talk louder to get my attention)
Counting sheep w/him
Gave him a whistle (said he could blow it if anything bothered him - he tested it one night, I came running, everything was fine)
Bought him a new stuffed animal
Relaxing baths before bed

Nothing violent or life-changing has happened in his or our lives. He doesn't watch any scary tv or video games. To my knowledge, none of his friends have had major events. He can't tell me what is bothering him, just he can't sleep because he's afraid. Of everything.

Please, if anyone has advice, let me know. My entire house is sleep deprived. Anyone ever have a school aged child, who never had any sleep issues, all of a sudden refuse to sleep?

Sorry for any typos - I'm so sleepy!


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

How old is he? As your son has matured maybe his imagination has gotten more diverse. I developed fears about sleep at about age 10 and the insomnia that came with it continued into young adulthood. My imagination was just too vivid. The more I read, even things like science or history, the more fuel for my imagination. If you have a pet letting him sleep with the pet could help. Have you tried doing something fun but very physical during the day, like hiking or swimming.


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

Okay, maybe this is a totally inappropriate response, but I will try anyway. I was a child who was terribly afraid of the dark and of sleeping alone. For years, starting when I was 8 and, well, let's be honest, unending. I still won't sleep in the dark if my husband or son aren't there. No lie. I firmly believe there is a cognitive leap in development regarding sleep around this age, and I know sleep patterns to change drastically at this age.

Okay, so this is totally off the wall, but your son is at the age of accountability, which I'm sure you know. So, IMO, this age is plagued with knowledge of pain and suffering in the world, and a feeling of powerlessness. I know that's what happened to me, and it seems that parents frequenting MDC are working to instill values that would heighten this awareness (I know I am - aren't we all part of a bigger picture?) and so, maybe just reaching out to your son on this level may help.

Just discussing the world and if you have religion or spirituality of some kind, exploring the idea that sometimes bad things happen to good people but you can't let fear rule your life. Karma or retribution or other ideas (sorry, don't know your spiritual background) may reinforce an idea of a benevolent universe and the concept of the whole working together in infinite parts? Sorry that's just my spirituality leaking in, but... something like that? That really honors his cognitive development? Doesn't make him feel childish or regressive?

Just a crazy idea, hope you both get it figured out!


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## fruitful womb (Nov 20, 2004)

No real advice just a









some kids thrive on a routine before bed. Its late and I'm not going to make a whole lot of sense but wanted to write out something for support.

here is one idea:

instead of an earlier bedtime, increase it to 1 or 2 hours ahead. Keep doing that every night with the next evening being 1 or 2 hours ahead of the previous night. Do this until the desired bedtime 9 or 8pm is achieved. This way he will not be fighting sleep.

I forget where I read this. I think it came from a book that I absolutely hated but this one idea appealed to me. I tossed the book so I can't remember where it came from.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

mama it doesnt help when you dont say the age. school age could mean 5 year old or 10 year old and those ages would mean very different things.

has he talked about death yet?

what is he afraid of will happen if he falls asleep? could he be afraid he is going to die?

have you started on your day shift yet? CONGRATULATIONS by the way!!!!!

could he be missing you? all his life he has known mama is away while i am sleeping and now suddenly she is away when i am awake.

this could be a high security issue for your child. does he have anxiety?

depending on how old he is - encourage him to write poetry about his fears. you'd be surprised what they come up with.

if you know his fear - the specific one that affects his ability to sleep and stay sleeping, you can figure out a way to help him.

food allergies?


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## fruitful womb (Nov 20, 2004)

Thinking of you NN. Hope things are getting better.

Might I suggest a rather odd exercise that works for me?

A Physical Therapist once had me do a nerve relaxing exercise.

Stick out your tongue as far as it will go. At the same time, roll back the eyes as far as they will go. Do this several times. This will eventually relax the entire body. It works for me.


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## Night_Nurse (Nov 23, 2007)

Thanks for the replies everyone!
I will try all the suggestions.
For privacy reasons I just don't feel comfortable giving out his exact age but he is an older elementary school aged child. He seems to me to be too old to all of a sudden be afraid of the dark, especially since he's never had any issues w/ nighttime/darkness/sleep/sleeping alone. He also seems he would be old enough to articulate what is troubling him, but either he can't or won't. He basically said this evening that he gets concerned when he closes his eyes and in the past he's been scared by noises outside of his window (there is an air-conditioning unit by his window).
He also does have a vivid imagination.

For now he's only agreeing to sleep with a parent or sibling, and we're fine with that for now. There isn't enough room for 3 in our bed so DS will sleep w/ one parent and the other parent sleeps on the sofa or in his loft bed. Tonight ds finally fell asleep around 11:15 but last night he was awake until 1 a.m. and still woke up several times - wide awake! That's the biggest issue - dh & I can't sleep when he's up and we're all fussy come morning time!

Again, I'll try all the suggestions and hopefully they'll work. Thanks to all who offered advice!


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