# Ambivalence about TTC or infertility



## basje (Jun 12, 2009)

This, I guess, is mostly a vent. I have no idea what I hope to gain in posting here. I'm in the process of being tested for cervical cancer. My doctor asked me at my appointment yesterday if I was wanting to have more children. I am 25 (last month) and have a 9 week old. If the results from this next round of tests come back bad, if I want to have more children I should consider trying to get pregnant right away before progressing to the next round of treatment (cone biopsy) according to my doctor.

I was planning on having more kids. I really, really enjoy bring a mother and the past 9 weeks have been amazing. I would be priviagled to do it again, but the timing isn't great. I love being a single parent but I wonder how different it would be with adding another child into the mix with such a short space between them. I am able to provide for my family's needs but we live very modestly and I had hoped to have a more stable income before having more children. In talking breifly with a family and friends, they've brought up concerns about my ability to care for two small children under five myself. While I've never had a moment of feeling overwhelmed or stress caring for my daughter so far, I'm beginning to question myself.

I'm scared, but not about the cancer, how will I know if I'm making the right choice. The choice that I won't have regrets about twenty years from now. I expected that I would have the option of having children into my mid to late thirties, and with further reading about my condition I realize that there is a good possibility that I could be getting a hysterectomy or a number of cone biopsy that would prevent me from conceiving or carrying to term. This could be my last shot.

I know that there's adoption. There's foster to adopt. These are options if I don't get pregnant again or decide that I do want a big family.

I *think* I do want to try to get pregnant again but it seems like a completely crazy idea. I'd likely have to wean my daughter some to start ovulating again, go through all that morning sickness and exhaustion from week 3-16 while caring for an infant.

I didn't expect this. Cancer I feel like I know how to handle, but my fertility? Totally blindsided.


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## mambera (Sep 29, 2009)

nak but I would concentrate on taking care of your health and mothering the baby you have. Later can take care of later IYSWIM.

*sending no-cancer vibes your way*


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## saimeiyu (Aug 13, 2007)

Not sure if you've considered this at all, and I know some people wouldn't be interested, but have you considered banking some of your eggs or part/all of an ovary? Even if you did end up with a hysterectomy, you might in later years be able to get a surrogate.

It's probably prohibitively expensive, (I don't know) but I was just wondering if you had considered it. You might even be able to get some of the $$ part of it covered if you went to a company that might consider taking some of your eggs as a donor or in-kind payment or something. I know some places will give you up to $12,000 for an egg donation, while other places you might get lucky to get $5,000

I don't know. I mean, I imagine it must be super-confusing and daunting and just not what you want to be considering with a baby so young.

I hope that instead of having to seriously face this, you find out you don't have cervical cancer.


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