# Parenting Mag is going to turn me into a homicidal maniac



## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

God I hate that magazine. I got it as a gift. This month valuable parenting "advice" included the statement that infants under 6 months normally cry for a total of about 3 hours a day, over 6 months it is okay for them to cry up to an hour and a half, and, here's the real prize, a five month old that is being "sleep-trained" can be allowed to cry for up to two hours! No long term psychological damage, of course. Where do they get these *experts*. Oh yeah, the peds office. The world is f-ed up, I tell you.


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## AmyAnnZ (May 28, 2006)

Oh that is messed up. How sad for the poor babies whose parents believe that crap.







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## melove (Mar 15, 2006)

I read the same article today. I must be doing something wrong since I pick up my baby whenever he crys and never let him cry it out. Just joking. I was the same way with my three year old who is very attached to me. I have had people tell me that I should let the new baby cry it out more so he is not such a "mama's boy" like his brother. I agree, our society is messed up.


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

That's just wrong.


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## Taryn237 (Aug 20, 2006)

That is sad. And if 3 hours is the AVERAGE then some babies cry even more than that!







Especially since I know my DS brings down the average since he might cry a total of 5 min. a day.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

I get it because I think they have fun crafts and recipes, and it was like $5 for a year, so why not, I thought.

I was never more appalled by this month's advice. Talk about nasty advice, American Baby just came today (I think they got my name from the OB or insurance) and it made me want to hurl. Every other page was CIO, CIO, CIO. That or how to make your INFANT more comfortable separating from you. Or punishing or whatever.







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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

I knew there is a reason I've never read that mag!


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## brackin (Sep 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Taryn237* 
That is sad. And if 3 hours is the AVERAGE then some babies cry even more than that!







Especially since I know my DS brings down the average since he might cry a total of 5 min. a day.

Same here! And only when put in the dreaded car seat. What's happening that's making these poor babies cry for 3+ hours/day!


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

I think that it can be valuable for parents practicing AP to hear that young infants (and to a lesser extent older infants) often will cry for hours a day, no matter how much they're tended to. To me, this says you're not a bad parent if you can't stop them crying with nursing, holding, slinging, singing, etc. But to many parents this means "oh, I shouldn't bother trying to stop them, then. Whew!" Which is just sad.


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## jennybean0722 (Jun 19, 2006)

I got the mag as a gift too....It is definitely about 'keeping up with the Jones'.
Argh. I really don't understand why everyone takes them so seriously.


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## jbmill2 (Oct 15, 2006)

I hate that magazine. Every month I read it until the inevitable CIO for fun/formula is fantastic/co-sleeping is creepy article and promptly recyle it. I rarely get past page 10.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

Yeah, no offense to any moms in so. ct. but the first thing i thought the first time it came was "maybe if i lived in new canaan..." this is the most appalling issue i have ever read, though. i am calling today to cancel my subscription. someone told me that they can transfer it to something fun, like better homes and gardens.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

oh that is so sad! I can't imagine 3 hrs a day. Unless it's a colic situation, I don't understand why a baby of any age would cry for more than a few minutes if that, if they are crying, they need something!!!


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
I think that it can be valuable for parents practicing AP to hear that young infants (and to a lesser extent older infants) often will cry for hours a day, no matter how much they're tended to. To me, this says you're not a bad parent if you can't stop them crying with nursing, holding, slinging, singing, etc. But to many parents this means "oh, I shouldn't bother trying to stop them, then. Whew!" Which is just sad.









I agree. When I tell people that young babies cry a lot, I always add "but they've done studies that show that holding, patting, calming, etc, etc, do actually reduce the total amount of crying. Even though it feels like you're making no difference you probably still are". That way they feel better, but know they need to still try for their baby.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

So sad. Dr. Sears has done so much stuff about how AP is the best approach (anyway) but especially for fussy babies, even though they still cry. I always emphasize that, now that I have learned more about it. I had another thread up about a friend who CIO and who "helped" a friend CIO, using Ferber (incorrectly, of course, since he doesn't advocate that approach for infants), and how I didn't know what to say because her child is 6 so it's a done deal but they want another and I want them to know it isn't "humane" or "necessary."


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I don't know. Sometimes our 2 yr old will wake up or be just plain tired at the end of the day and just cry.

We hold him, rock him, give him a drink, change him, and he still just cries. No teething, no appearance of gas or other discomfort.

I honestly think that sometimes kids just need to unwind and that might be his way of doing so. It is not an everyday thing with him, but there was one time he did this for a solid hour. I just held him and patted him and tried to help.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

Oh, Tinkerbelle, that must have been so frustrating for you! But you WERE trying to help, and that's the big difference IMO.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I was lucky enough to not have my subscription follow me when I moved. Just call and cancel, and tell them why.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SapphireDiva* 
I just don't get it...some women try forever to get pregnant and we grow and carry these babies for 9 months and then we're suposed to dump them off somewhere and let them cry?
I still don't get it.

Amen... I get so tired of hearing about no longer getting 10 hours of sleep, not having "private" time, having more laundry, having messy houses, etc. etc. etc... when I signed up for the sperm to hit the egg, I knew what I was in for!


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## stacyann21 (Oct 21, 2006)

Ditto mom2bja. I feel like asking some people, "You didn't realize your baby would need you, including at night?". No, you don't get to sleep through the night anymore...get over it.


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## the2amigos (Apr 27, 2005)

Have any of you written a letter to the editor about their stupid articles? I just got my *free* mag in the mail and want to puke







Not only the cry-it-out article, but what about the bottle on page 120 - the Podee. I can never get links right - www.podee.com The mom explains "because of the straw, I don't have to stop everything to hold the bottle." Ugh.


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

Yeah, the Podee thing riled me too. I just got a customer service number 800.234.0847; I am calling to cancel. I assumed that a letter would be pointless because detachment parenting is their editorial stance. Right in the editor's note she writes "The experts say it, and I usually agree.." You don't say!


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## wallacesmum (Jun 2, 2006)

So, if you have a sub and want to cancel, you can call that number. If you are early in your subscription, they will let you transfer to something else in the Time Warner publishing empire. If not, too bad. They offer you TeenPeople. I told them no thanks, they are sending a $2 check.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

I just cancelled my subscription. I don't even remember ordering the magazine. Apparently I did at Motherhood Maternity or something and they debited my account for the cost. I called and they said they'll issue me a full refund.


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## Ruthe (May 31, 2005)

I hate that magazine too. They have a section titled "your child's health" or something like that. Guess where all the formula and baby bottle ads seem to be placed? In that section. If you have an issue, go look. Because obiously formula is the first thing they want you to think of when considering your child's health.


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## JanB (Mar 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SapphireDiva* 
I haven't had a subscription for over a year now.
It blows my mind why parents would want to detach themselves from this miracle they created together.
I think some people do it because it's what the "experts" say.


Sometimes I think that PPD also plays a role. My sister was one of those who kept complaining that her whole house was a mess and her laundry wasn't getting done, and breastfeeding was impossible, etc. At first I had the same response, like, what did you THINK having a baby was going to be like? Then she revealed at about 1 month postpartum that she had been suffering from PPD. Once she started getting help for it, her perspective on her baby really changed.

Not saying that's what's going on in every case, because it's certainly not, but I think sometimes it can play a role.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

I got a subscription thru Motherhood Maternity as well. I remember reading those magazines right after I had my son and thinking "what is wrong with me that I cant parent like that??". Its sad what other new moms must think when they have everyone telling them to go against their instincts.

Also the bottle with the straw thing breaks my heart. My son is FF. I wish he wasnt but thats how things ended up. I ALWAYS feed him with skin to skin contact and try to make feedings as special as possible. I cant understand not wanting to be close to your baby, even if you are so "busy".


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arwyn* 
I think that it can be valuable for parents practicing AP to hear that young infants (and to a lesser extent older infants) often will cry for hours a day, no matter how much they're tended to. To me, this says you're not a bad parent if you can't stop them crying with nursing, holding, slinging, singing, etc. But to many parents this means "oh, I shouldn't bother trying to stop them, then. Whew!" Which is just sad.

















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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I stopped reading Parenting long ago for this very reason. I still get American Baby, Im not sure how or why, Ive never paid for a subscription. Actually, we get two now, one comes in my husbands name!







:

But yeah, I agree, its sickening.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Speaking of bringing down the average, yeah, if you factor in my little girl, who also cries max 10 minutes at a time, and an average of 3 - 5 minutes per day, and then not even with tears. Colic is one thing, but my cousin carried her little boy around in a very specific position to keep him from crying- he was colicky but still didn't cry that much, thanks to her attention (with a two-year-old at her feet, no less).

An HOUR of a baby crying would turn me into a homicidal maniac. Aaaack...

"when I signed up for the sperm to hit the egg, I knew what I was in for!"

Well, here we do have to acknowledge that not everyone signed up for it... there are broken condoms, pills forgotten, young moms at the height of their stupidity, and many other reasons that people might end up with a little bundle of ooops.

"Sometimes our 2 yr old will wake up or be just plain tired at the end of the day and just cry."

Maybe he's frustrated that he can't express himself to you. Not that you would do anything different in that case 'cause you can't help him talk, but just saying, that might be where it's coming from.

Re: Podee... grrrr. That is heartless. I often wonder how kids getting this treatment will be treating me and my family when they grow up. Is this how people grow up with personality disorders? Ack.


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## crystalalene (Feb 6, 2007)

Quote:

Sometimes I think that PPD also plays a role.
Actually, I believe that these types of magazines might add to PPD.
I know anyone can get it, regardless of how AP you are or want to be.
But I had PPD and it wasn't until I learned about AP that I was able to 'heal' (I don't know if that's the right word). Of course time helps, too.

We had Parenting and American Baby and Baby Talk coming to our house while I was pregnant and I was soooo soooo naive that I thought that these so-called experts must know better than me. So we tried to separate, separate, separate: schedule feedings, make her sleep in a swing, bouncy seat, bassinett, and so on. My husband thought I needed to get away from her because she must be what was making me into this person who he did not marry.

I think it was the other way around. I was missing her and feeling so exhausted that I didn't know where to turn, or what to do about it. I thought, why doesn't she just sleep when she's tired, why does she cry more when I'm around, or she must just need to cool off and cry???

At eight weeks post partum, I finally went to LLL (luckily I managed to keep nursing that long, and she was still gaining weight) and they really turned me around, thank God. The only problem was that it took another eleven months to turn DH around!

I had never heard of AP or co-sleeping or any of that. My only sibling had been bottle fed and practically lived in a baby swing. I had no reference!

My point is that some people may never get to the point where they reach out for help. I tell anyone I can that we cosleep, that she is still nursing, that we don't tell her "no", that she can eat whenever she wants, etc. etc. so that they know that there's some way besides the American way.


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## granolalight (Nov 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crystalalene* 
I tell anyone I can that we cosleep, that she is still nursing, that we don't tell her "no", that she can eat whenever she wants, etc. etc. so that they know that there's some way besides the American way.

Good for you! I think that's great, to just spread the word, one person at a time. I learned a lot from my first LLL meeting too.

So many people seem to have received these mags as gifts. At my first baby shower in 2000, I received a sub to Mothering. It was my first awareness of AP. What a gift!! This is now something that I give as a shower gift. That, and Dr. Sears' Baby Book.









Spread the word!!


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## mommyswenn (May 23, 2004)

The thing that drives me the MOST insane is when someone else is holding your baby, said baby reaches for you, and the person says, "Oh, you don't want Mom" (while pulling the baby away from you).







:

My mil STILL does this with ds, he's 22 months old now! No wonder he never wants to sit with her when we see them -- she gets right in his face instead of allowing him to come to her, and on the rare occasion when she holds back to let him approach her, she won't let him come back to familiarity when he's ready.


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