# Lost our baby



## starlightsound (Feb 18, 2006)

Anyone out there lost thier baby just after birth?

Our beautiful son suffered a possible placenta malfunction or pinched his cord during or just before labor on the 5th of April. He was deprived of oxygen and did not make it. We were with him when he passed on the 10th.

Everyone is confused about how it happened: our doula, midwife, even the doctors and nurses who examined him... all the monitoring showed him maintaining a good heart rate and good movement. He was a healthy 7lbs 7oz, 21 inches long, and was born just a few days after his EDD. I need to know we're not alone, that there are others out there who have survived something like this...


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## EENS (Jul 8, 2005)

I am so incredibly sorry and saddened by your loss. I am sure you'll find support on this board.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

i'm so sorry for your loss.


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## CaraNicole (Feb 28, 2007)

i'm so sorry...







my heart goes out to you.


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## WaturMama (Oct 6, 2006)

I couldn't read and not respond. I am so, so sorry and sad to hear your news. The inexplicity of it sounds like another layer of difficulty. My heart goes out t o you and your family. I have seen posts by women on this board who have lost babies soon after birth. I hope one or more will connect with you soon.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

I am so sorry for you and your family. Our loss was before birth, but there are several women who have been here with losses during or right after birth. This is a wonderful place for support and caring. Please take care. Again, I am so sorry.


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## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

We lost our daughter during labor. We believe she passed away just about 2 hours before I went in to L&D.

I know it doesn't sound possible, but you will get through this. You will go through immense pain for a while, you and DH will fight really bad about things, you will fight with your parents and his parents, it wont be easy for a while, but just keep in mind you will get through it eventualy.

I have heard and think it is very true. A full term stillbirth or loss of a chlid very close to birth is a test of your marriage and it will either make you stronger in your marriage or it will break your marriage.

My best advice is to tell people what YOU WANT, and don't let them force their will on you. If you are not ready to take down the baby things, then don't and don't let anyone do it for you or push you into doing it. If you don't want to give your baby stuff to another family member who is going to need them, then don't. I know many people who are dealing with these types of issues, and you have to do what is best FOR YOU, and no what everyone thinks is best for you.

I still have not done my scrap book, because I want to do that, but have two friends who insist on helping me with it. They also have a lot of the pictures I need to get, because I haven't had a chance to pull down the pics from the funeral or dinner afterwards.

I think it took us about 2-3 months before we finally started snapping out of it. Then we found out we were pregnant again, due the same day we lost our daughter. Now we are going through a bunch of other new emotions. But I know my family will get through them. My children are already looking forward to having their new brother or sister (they keep telling me it is going to be another sister).

Good luck.


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## liseux (Jul 3, 2004)

Starlightsound, I am so sorry to hear about your precious son. I am sorry that your family is experiencing this tremendous grief. You are not alone.

We lost our second son after birth 5 years ago in May, he was severely brain damaged at birth due to a birth injury/shoulder dystocia. He did live for a few weeks, but was very sick. I also had a normal pregnancy and normal labor.

Even though I have also lost a child, I feel like I don't know what to say, grief can be so unique to each person. It can feel very lonely right now. We have survived and its been hard, and I definitely don't feel I'll ever be "over it", its more like adjusting to a new normal for us. I am here for you if you want to talk more, about anything. I'm sending you as much love and peace as I can. Please pm me if you want to.


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## mom2avasteph (May 6, 2005)

I'm sorry.


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## annalaura (Jan 20, 2007)

i am so so so sorry for your loss. my heart goes out to you and your family and im keeping you in my prayers


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## widdlelou (Feb 28, 2006)

I am so sorry for the loss of your little one


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

The loss you've suffered is unimaginably sad. I hope you will be gentle on yourself and take however long and do whatever it takes to heal. Much love and peace to you. (((hugs)))


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## PGNPORTLAND (Jul 9, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you will find the support you need here.


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## ap mom (Dec 23, 2006)

I just don't even know what to say other than I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I pray that you will connect with others who have experienced something similar. This is a great place to find that support.


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## Len (Nov 19, 2001)

Starlightsound







I'm sorry to hear about your devastating loss. It is very understandable that you want an explanation, some kind of answer. You will need to talk a lot about the birth and about your son, and you may do so here as well if you like. There are, sadly, many of us who have gone through this tragedy and we are here to support you.

I lost my precious son under similar circumstances 23 months ago, you can read his story on my signature. Just today I realized it is still as painful as the first day, and no one and nothing will ever fix my broken heart. But life goes on and I'm sure there are people who need you and you will get through this difficult time.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

I am very sorry for your profound loss.














It seems impossible, but time will heal your pain. My DD would be 19 months and even the little time that has passed, each day is a teensy bit easier than the day before.

My DD died of a placental abruption at 37 weeks. She is believed to have died around 5 AM which is when my labor started. Abruptions are absolutely agonizing and when I started feeling horrible, intense back labor is when she passed and the placenta tore in half.

Is anyone speculating the type of placenta malfunction?

There is another mama here (AllyRae) whose DS died a week after my DD and he had a documented heartbeat very shortly before he was born. Just know that you're not alone.







s

Would you mind sharing your precious angel's name?


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## starlightsound (Feb 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HoosierDiaperinMama* 
Would you mind sharing your precious angel's name?

His name is Burke Franklinn. We decided early in the pregnancy that we would honor my wonderful grandfathers if we had a boy (Linn M. and Frank P.). I guess I should refer to him in the past tense, but it still seems so surreal. Thank you for all of the kind words.

As far as the placenta is concerned, one doc thought there was even a blood clot that may have obstructed the cord... he maintained a good and strong heartbeat throughout the long labor, though. The neurologist that examined his MRI and CT scans thought that the extent of swelling in his brain indicated that the "trauma" occured before labor began, possibly an abruption, though there were no clear signs when they examined his placenta, yet one other of the neonatologists thought Burke probably pinched his cord during delivery since he had good heart sounds and movement throughout the labor. It's all supposition. No one has been able to definitively tell us what happened, and we've begun accepting this.

Sigh.


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## starlightsound (Feb 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Len* 
I lost my precious son under similar circumstances 23 months ago, you can read his story on my signature. Just today I realized it is still as painful as the first day, and no one and nothing will ever fix my broken heart. But life goes on and I'm sure there are people who need you and you will get through this difficult time.










THANK YOU for sharing your story! It is so similar to ours! As soon as he emerged, I was ready to hold him and was also confused when our MW and the doc took him (he was born sunny side up and after several hours I needed help to get him around my pubic bone). I happily chatted with our doula while they looked him over, excited about breast feeding him and holding him skin to skin... it took a minute for me to register that he hadn't yet cried, and when I asked, our doula explained he was having a slow start, that they were suctioning him because it looked like he swallowed a bit of meconium since my water had broken over 24 hours prior. It took all of us another few minutes before we realized my DH's tears were not ones of joy.


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

Burke Franklinn


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## STBSM (Oct 22, 2006)

So sorry for your loss.


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## rach03 (Dec 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for you loss. I can't imagine the pain.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

i have no words of wisdom, just wanted to share a


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## jorismom (May 21, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)




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## Ben's Mommy (Aug 11, 2005)

I am so very sorry for your loss. We lost our son 2 days after he was born. The circumstances aren't similar, but the pain is the same. It eventually gets easier to breathe each day. I had to accept the new "normal" of what life was without him. It sucks. My heart is still broken. But I found a way to function in this new life. We are all here to help you and to provide a shoulder to lean on.
















Burke


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## messy mama (Jan 14, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is aching for you.


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## MsElle07 (Jul 14, 2006)

I'm so sorry, mama.


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## SugarGlider (Jan 9, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## waylonsmama (Apr 1, 2007)

Sorry for your loss mama...


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## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starlightsound* 
His name is Burke Franklinn. We decided early in the pregnancy that we would honor my wonderful grandfathers if we had a boy (Linn M. and Frank P.). I guess I should refer to him in the past tense, but it still seems so surreal. Thank you for all of the kind words.

What a beautiful name.







s







Burke Franklinn









Quote:

As far as the placenta is concerned, one doc thought there was even a blood clot that may have obstructed the cord... he maintained a good and strong heartbeat throughout the long labor, though. The neurologist that examined his MRI and CT scans thought that the extent of swelling in his brain indicated that the "trauma" occured before labor began, possibly an abruption, though there were no clear signs when they examined his placenta, yet one other of the neonatologists thought Burke probably pinched his cord during delivery since he had good heart sounds and movement throughout the labor. It's all supposition. No one has been able to definitively tell us what happened, and we've begun accepting this.

Sigh.
In my DD's case, there was a clot in her cord as well. Are they going to keep the placenta? My DD's placenta is stored at a local hospital and the blocks were sent away for research. They knew the basics of what happened, but since our case was so severe the more information they had, the better. I know it's hard not knowing definitively what happened.







s Please feel free to ask questions. We're all here for you.







s


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## Len (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starlightsound* 
THANK YOU for sharing your story! It is so similar to ours!

You're welcome. I'm very sorry you had to go through this too.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *starlightsound* 
It took all of us another few minutes before we realized my DH's tears were not ones of joy.

So painful and infinite, the new level of sadness we come to endure.







:









I recommend that you write everything you remember, ask your DH, and put down every detail now that it's fresh in your minds. You will want to revisit it later on.

Please know that I'm here to talk if you need to.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Rest in peace, sweet little baby boy









~Nay


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## starlightsound (Feb 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Len* 
I recommend that you write everything you remember, ask your DH, and put down every detail now that it's fresh in your minds. You will want to revisit it later on.

Yes, we need to do this. I am so thankful we took so many photos of our brief time with him to refer back to.

Today is his memorial service. We have family from everywhere flying and driving into town, and have friends and more family pitching in for a reception afterwards. It's going to be a difficult day; there is no more pretending he will come back to us. It's as if the memorial service makes it final.


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I am so, so very sorry mama.


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## Plaid Leopard (Sep 26, 2003)

I am so sorry. May you and your family find some peace and comfort.







Burke Franklinn


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

I am so sorry.


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