# I've been sitting on the sofa for the last twenty hours



## Phantaja (Oct 10, 2006)

Twenty hours ago, I was sitting here holding the free sample Huggies newborn 'sposie that they gave me at the OB's office and gabbing with my best friend about the coming baby.

Seventeen hours ago I fell asleep on the aforementioned sofa, holding my belly lovingly and still clutching that diaper. (Can you believe how TINY they are???)

Twelve hours ago I woke up waiting for a call from my OB about my hCG. I'd dropped the dipe by then.

Nine hours ago I got the call from the nurse that my hCG was only 22.

I've been sitting here ever since.

I cry. I sleep. I pray. I do it again. I don't understand how you can love someone so much. With each loss, you'd think it would be easier. I'm only four weeks. I just found out three days ago. I wouldn't be this attached to a man, a pet, or a car this quickly, so why this tiny bundle of cells.

Four babies in 16 months. This should be old hat to me. But I really, really thought that this one would be the one.

Funny, that diaper is still on the floor.


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## Prensa (Jul 28, 2005)




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## InstinctiveMom (Jul 12, 2004)

I'm so sorry


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

I'm sorry mama.


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## triscuitsmom (Jan 11, 2007)

Mama I am so so sorry... It is a terrible place to be. I am sending love and light to you.


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## ~Mamaterra~ (Jul 5, 2006)

Oh Phantaja







:!!!

I'm so sorry. As one who has unfortunately, btdt, please don't view it as Gods' judgement on you and your ability to be a mama. It is such a defeating feeling, and I know it is very hard to fight that feeling once it is in your head.

Grieve for your baby and his/her siblings, but take care of yourself as your body, little alone your mind, has been through enough to make anyone lose their sanity. It is just not fair. I am so sorry.


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

Oh love, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to keep going through this. Take care.


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## Katica (Jan 13, 2008)




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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)




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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I'm so, so sorry. You're in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

So very sorry.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I'm so sorry


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## Jenifer76 (Apr 20, 2005)




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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for each of your losses. My thoughts and prayers are w/you.


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