# Lost our baby girl 4.3.2010 - not sure what to do



## alexmoon (Mar 30, 2010)

Hi,
I am completely new to this, never posted on a site before but you all seem so supportive and wonderful.
I am writing because we lost our beautiful baby girl, Charlotte Moon, on the 4th March. Nearly 5 weeks ago. She was born absolutely perfect, a moon face, long fingers like me, small ears like her dad, perfect to die for lips, and everything about her body just absolutely perfect...except she was not breathing.
We were, are, devasted.
She would have been pretty much 3 years younger than her big brother... exactly like me and my sister who I love so much.
I am just trying to make sense of this all... been looking through other posts and blogs for days now and just wanted to reach out to other woman that have been through the same ordeal.
I have had one good day in the last 5 weeks, you know where I felt happy. Every other day is pretty sad. Alot of the time I just want to scream at new mums I see out that it's just not fair... it's wierd but it is my manners that keep me in check, and that kinda have got me through the last weeks. It's like faith in god or something, but faith in being kind to others. Maybe it's just a way of holding myself together, but it saw me through the birth and the first raw days. Does anyone else get that...
I miss her so much, and feel afraid of losing her even from my memories. I feel like I need to do something that takes something from me, some of the love away from me, and give it to someone else. I thought about sponsoring a child but don't like the Worldvision set up....any suggestions.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I am SO so very sorry for you loss, mama. *HUGE huge hugs* Here you will find many women who have been through the same thing. We all support one another and heal within this very loving atmosphere...

One thing I can actively DO for _you_ is retouch any pictures of her that you might have. I do this for the Now I Lay me Down to Sleep foundation and would be very honored to do it for you as well, so, if you would like this, all you have to do is send me a message here, and we can get that going.









What else can I say, since you are looking to _do_ something...which I think is very intelligent and good in your grief - it's a very positive way of dealing. There'll be days where you really won't care about anything positive at all, and they are normal. But on days where you feel able to actively do something to heal, go for it! Me, I actually completely changed everything about my life over the next few months. I started eating better, taking care of myself better, refusing to be in unhealthy physical situations (like around stress or cigarette smoke etc). In the end I quit my monetarily lucrative job and went freelance.

Now, of course, there are still days that really are sad - but for different reasons. Others around us grieve too and their grief can have a huge impact on family members... Also I'm sometimes still very aware of the method that Josie was "extracted from me" by, and that's a whole other kettle of fish... But I do my charity work for NILMDTS which is SO very rewarding, and I think on the whole I'm pointing in the right direction now - I definitely wasn't before.

So that was my long winded way of saying that the things you can "do" are sometimes subtle and sometimes really overt and, often aren't planned in advance.

What do you think would help you in any way, to do?









Again *HUGE huge hugs* mama, and SO much love to you XXXXXXXXX


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I just sa this from the main pag and saw that no one had rsponded yet. I am icredibly sorry that you are going through this. I can only imagine that it will take lots of time to ease the pain. I'm sure someone else will have more and betteradvice for you but I just wanted to send you hugs, if that helps at all.







s


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I know that your loss is so new - 5 weeks is such a short time. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now but eventually, you will feel a little better and then a little better. I know the world doesn't make sense right now and just surviving second to second is an accomplishment.

It is a long road, pulling yourself up from the depths that her loss has plunged her into but there are many of us that have done it right here, you are not alone. We can help.

Many (((HUGS))) and prayers










D.


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## WeasleyMum (Feb 27, 2007)

I am so, so sorry for your loss.







I can't even imagine how devastating it must be, just wanted to say that you're in my thoughts and that you're not alone.


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## Ornery (May 21, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. We are here to support you in any way possible. Please be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.


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## calebsmommy25 (Aug 23, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss Mama.


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## meredyth0315 (Aug 16, 2007)

I'm so very, very sorry and you will find so much support and warmth here. Sending lots of love to you mama


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## Tear78 (Nov 28, 2008)

I'm so, so sorry.







There is a Pregnancy and Birth Loss thread where you may find more wonderful support.







for your little girl.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

im so sorry you and your family are going through this Alex. all i can offer is my prayers and ((hugs))....


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## scarletjane (Feb 4, 2009)

oh, i am so so sorry for your loss. I know all too well the kind of pain you are experiencing, as I too lost my little girl full-term just 9 weeks ago. It is an experience that rips you out of your reality and can just send you spinning, totally lost in grief.

I have been saying that I am moving forward.. not moving on, but moving forward. I think that forward momentum is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going. But it will get easier. it really will. The grief will likely always be there, but it will become a little less biting as time passes... a little less incapacitating.

I know just what you mean about wanting to do something positive to send your love forward. I really felt that too. I have seen so many positives in this whole experience, as I think it is human nature to seek the beauty in an otherwise totally tragic loss. Not to just felt to me like the loss happened with no purpose and was just senseless. I just couldn't allow that to be the case.

I am so sorry you're here. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Please know that this is a truly amazing group of women. They have given me such tremendous support through my journey along this path, and I hope that you will reach out and get that support too. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to send me a private message.. even if you just want to chat. Being around others who have experienced this sort of loss can be really healing.

If I could give any advice, it would be to go gently with yourself and to really grieve. Experiencing the grief wholly really helped me to process and to heal.

Charlotte Moon is such a beautiful name. Your little girl will always be remembered here. Know I am thinking of her and you and your family.

I send you strength.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss.










You have come to the right place. The women here understand what you're going through and can provide incredible support. I'm going to move this thread slightly to a different subforum where I think you will find more support.


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## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

Charlotte Moon








So many of us have been in your shoes, mama. We're here for you.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)




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## mamapajama (Feb 9, 2003)

hugs mama. I'm so sorry for your loss. I found getting back to my normal routines has been very helpful in the sense that it gives me something to do other than think about my loss. Oh, and lots of therapy with a therapist specializing in loss has saved me during the darkest days.


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## alexmoon (Mar 30, 2010)

Thanks so much all of you. I don't really know what to say.
How do I move forward or through I just don't know.
Monday is the day of the pathology results. I'm scared.


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## moxielou (Jun 15, 2005)

Charlotte Moon.

I am so so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Charlotte.


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## mom23kidsinutah (Apr 9, 2010)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby Charlotte Moon


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## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## Bebegim (Jan 9, 2010)

I am so very sorry for your loss mama. All my love to you and your family in this painful time.








s







s







s

Lots of love to your beautiful angel Charlotte Moon.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I am so sorry, mama... big, big HUGS for you.









No one ever wants to be where we are, our babies gone, our arms empty, our hearts broken. There aren't any words of comfort that make a real difference.. I wish there were. I wish I could give you a time machine to take it back. I remember holding my son, so very perfect, so very dead... I would never ever wish that on another woman.

As for doing something... keep it in your consciousness. That something will come to you. Many many mamas here have gone on to find *something* to do that pays our love for our lost babies forward...

Sending you much







...


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## myk (Nov 24, 2006)

i am so sorry for your heartbreak. i hope you get some answers to help make sense of such an unfair situation.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

alexmoon, huge hugs to you, mama.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
What a lovely name you chose for your beautiful daughter.
Wishing you comfort and peace.
Charlotte Moon


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## idigchaitea (Aug 21, 2007)

I'm so very sorry. This pain is such a difficult one. You'll be changed forever. Just want you to know that I've been there and if there's anything you need, just PM me.


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## emmalizz (Apr 14, 2009)

,


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

sleep peacefully Charlotte Moon... my heart goes out to you mama...


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## alexmoon (Mar 30, 2010)

Thanks for your kind words an support.
Pathology could tell us nothing at all, which is a two edged sword. There is no reason and so just so difficult to understand, and thankful that there was no pain for her.
And to be honest, thankful that it's not my "fault".


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Oh mama.







There are no words to fix anything, but love and support from those who understand helps share the burden just a little. I feel an extra connection with your little Charlotte Moon, my baby girl who was lost at 38 weeks is Fiona Star. Our missed celestial babies are in our hearts.


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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