# How old is to old?



## Haydee (Jan 10, 2006)

I'm just wondering your opinion here, how old is to old to sleep in the family bed? Why did you pick that age? I'm really curious here (and wondering if it's bad that my 9 y.o. DD always wants to sleep with me!)


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## Lynnseedoil (Aug 18, 2005)

I voted Other (there's always someone with an exception!)









In my case, my mom was a single parent. I still slept with her when I was lonely or scared into my teens. Frankly, sometimes in my 20's I would still sleep in her bed with her when we went to visit my grandparents.

I can see where some people might view it differently with a 2-parent household and a kid getting larger and larger. In that situation, I'd say that as long as everyone involved is comfortable, I don't see an issue.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Other: as needed

My boys sleep on their own but will sometimes end up in bed w/us. I would never ever make them feel unwelcome.

But at about age 4 or 5ish, I started feeling squished and put a futon down next to our bed for them.


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## MidwifeErika (Jun 30, 2005)

I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.


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## mommymaemae (Jul 29, 2006)

I replied Other. Anytime my dad went out of town I would sleep in their bed with my mom until I left home for college. I think a couple years ago my parents offered for me to sleep with them in their Cal King when I was visiting w/o my dh, but it was too hot so we all just watched movies in bed until late. I do think that when my dad and I needed a hotel room together a few years ago he got one with two beds, but it wouldn't have mattered to me otherwise. I think of tribal types who would all sleep together in one hut/teepee or whatever... that couldn't be much different from being in the same bed. Granted, I wouldn't do the above mentioned EVERY night. If the poll was intended to reflect that then I would say that I hope we'll have our bed to ourselves most nights by the time the boys are twoish, but they will always be welcome if they can't get to sleep in their own beds.


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## GenomicsGirl (Jan 25, 2004)

I don't think that there's an age when a person is 'too old' to sleep with other family members. My sister, bro and I slept with eachother until bro was 15 (sis 14, I was 13). I think that siblings count as a family bed. My sister was a very nervous sleeper and would crawl into my parent's bed even at 15! *Whatever sleeping arrangement works well with each family is the right sleeping arrangement for them*







How's that for an answer







:


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I voted other....

-Angela


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Depends on how big they get and how good they are at stealing covers.









The Sapphire's Future-ometer says:
Own bed available by age four.
Encouraged to sleep there by age eight.
Allowed back into family bed indefinitely.

But, I won't know till we get there.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640* 
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.

Just line the floor with mattresses and have you and your dh, kiddos and spouses, and grandchildren sleeping together. One big slumber party


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## Cassandra M. (Aug 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
Depends on how big they get and how good they are at stealing covers.









The Sapphire's Future-ometer says:
Own bed available by age four.
Encouraged to sleep there by age eight.
Allowed back into family bed indefinitely.

But, I won't know till we get there.

I like that time frame, it rings true for us so far.

Karina is 6 and has her own bed but still chooses to sleep with us most nights. Kalob will be 4 in March and I'm starting to think about getting a bed for him.

I will be sad when my babies are out of my bed though....there's nothing like snuggling between my two bunnies!


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I voted 14+. Although I think that there are certainly exceptions, if a child is still regularly sleeping in the family bed by the time he/she begins high school, it may be time to encourage them to sleep in their own bed/bedroom instead.

In this household I think that we may work toward leaving the family bed around 5-7ish. I don't know. We'll see when we get there.


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

when they want to bring there spouse to bed too


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## delicious (Jun 16, 2003)

i voted other. when we go visit my mom i sometimes still sleep in the same bed as her.


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## selendang (Jul 15, 2006)

I voted 8 bc ds is almost 8 and there is just not enough room for us all in our king size. (3 boys +2 parents) When he has a sleep over, nobody can sleep, bc we're all too squished and getting bumped all the time. So the 2 older boys (almost 8 and 5) sleep in their own rooms at first, but are welcome to join us after midnight (which means they end up with us at around 4am) but by that time i'm too zonked to care.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

They're too old when they've got their own kids sleeping with them.


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## yaM yaM (Nov 9, 2003)

We still sleep comfortably together with no end in sight.

Dd - 12
Ds - 6


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

I voted other







Humans are designed to want to be in close proximity to one another. It's really a cultural thing that we box them off into their own rooms...so, since I'm not much into status quo, other it is


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Other. My children will never be to old to crawl into bed with me.
I am currently 30 and my parents would still let me sleep in their bed if I was scared or just needed to be comforted.


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## mamasgirls (Sep 8, 2004)

I don't know that there is a magic age that is "too old" My older dd is 5 and has been in her own bed since she was about 2.5- she transitioned on her own and loved her bed. My younger dd will be 3 in June and is NOT ready to sleep alone yet. I am ready when she is, though. My dh has a cousin that still sleeps with her parents and she is 10. I really think it depends on the child.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I wouldn't mind an older child occasionally crawling in bed with us but I wouldn't want a full time cosleeper in bed past the age of 4. I remember being 14 and sometimes crawling in bed with my aunt because she had a nice warm waterbed


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## northwoods1995 (Nov 17, 2003)

I voted other. I don't know what the magic age is either. We have full time 3.5 yr old and 1.5 yr old co-sleepers right now and we are totally content and happy with the situation.

I used to sleep in my parents room whenever I was sick when I was younger and also anytime my dad was away (that was all through high school). So not every night but occasionally I did through high school.

My oldest is 3.5 no and when he wants his own bed it is already there for him. But if he wants to stay in the family bed for a while, we are ok with that!


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## paint-the-moon (Jul 22, 2006)

I posted something on a simliar thread ... My kids can sleep with me as long as they wish. As long as it works for both parents and kids, I don't believe there is an age that is "too old."

Personally, I slept with my parents until I was about 11. It wasn't every night after the age of 8 ... but I loved sleeping with my mama and daddy (they divorced when I was about 9, and my brother and I both co-slept with both parents after that as well ... in fact, we *needed* to co-sleep even more after such a traumatic event in our family). Heck, I slept with my mama for a few nights last year at the age of 31 when my hubby was out of town and I was pregnant.

When my little brother died a few years ago my family set up camp in my living room ... all of us slept together on the floor for about a week to comfort one another ... my mom and dad (who have been divorced for 20 years), me and my husband (DH next to me ... not next to my parents







). As we all laid there not sleeping - crying night after night - to be able to reach out and hold each others hands and find shelter in the love from one another was amazing. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first horrible days without them there like that.

Nothing wrong with being close to our mama and papa. Sharing sleep is a natural and loving thing!


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## NamastePlatypus (Jan 22, 2007)

When he has his girlfriend in bed with him it might get a little crowded, not to mention akward when moms cold feet are ruining his 'mood'


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I voted other because each child is different. I crawled in bed on weekend mornings with my mom (Dad was usually up) and snoozed and cuddled with her until I got married and moved in with my husband. I'm 34 and I still do it when we go to visit her. It's actually one of my most treasured memories of growing up. My parent's always let me crawl in bed with them when I needed to - they never, ever complained - not once, and I know they were crowded. They only had a full size bed and I was squirmy. They'd let me fall asleep with them, and then Dad would put me back in bed. I was in their room with them until I was four - I didn't sleep in their bed, but that is only because my dad was such a heavy and rough sleeper. He's been known to accidentally kick my mom out of bed without even waking up! Anyway, I digress.......my parents rock! So, I voted other!


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

Other, I'll cry my eyes out the day DS or DD dont' want to sleep with us.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
Just line the floor with mattresses and have you and your dh, kiddos and spouses, and grandchildren sleeping together. One big slumber party









Not too many months ago - we had dd1 on the couch in our bedroom; ds1 in the toddler bed beside our bed; dd2, dh, me (big, fat and preggo!), two cats and one dog in our bed - we have FOUR bedrooms upstairs, but we were ALL in one room!







The kids (the three older ones) have since migrated to ds1's room and usually all sleep together in a queen size bed. Just recently, dd1 has started sleeping in her room by herself - once in a while.


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

i voted other. as needed.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...179265,00.html


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## PajamaMama (Dec 18, 2004)

I voted age 11, because dd is 11, and she is a real cover hog!







She snores sometimes too.

That doesn't mean that she doesn't keep on coming back though!







: I don't really have the heart to say no, though I don't have too much of a problem inviting her to sleep on the comfy chenille couch in my bedroom instead of my bed, which is already pretty full of me, dh, dd age 3, and my ginormous preggo belly


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Other.

It is right as long as it works for you.

In some cultures entire families of all ages sleep close together in one room.

I know many families who have kids who are about 9 and still want to cosleep, and the parents have begun to feel uncomfortable, and make a variety of choices.


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## DigitalSuze (Dec 20, 2005)

I voted other.

DS1 is 11. DS2 is 6mos. DS1 has coslept on and off as the situation allowed since infancy, but I was often anxious about him "sleeping on his own." Sigh. If only I'd known then what I know now.

Anyway, a few months after ds2 was born (we co-sleep exclusively), I dragged a twin mattress into our room on the floor by our bed and told ds1 he's welcome to sleep there or in his own room as he chooses. He hasn't left our room since except for sleepovers and seems thrilled with the arrangement. I admit to wondering if he's planning to spend his teens here, too, but I trust it will work out fine without pressure from me.


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## MsChatsAlot (Sep 8, 2005)

Mine are 5 and almost 9 and they both have little interest in sleeping elsewhere.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NamastePlatypus* 
When he has his girlfriend in bed with him it might get a little crowded, not to mention akward when moms cold feet are ruining his 'mood'
















Yeah that.







DD1 is 4 and I see no sign of her leaving anytime soon. She says she'll have her own bed when she is "much older", whenever that is.


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## EvansMomma (Mar 7, 2006)

I voted other.
We kept coming up with these totally arbitrary ages when we'd stop.
First, "Okay he can sleep with us for a few weeks"
Then, "Okay let's go 3 months"
THEN, "Well we're moving so let's give him til 6 months to adjust to the new place"
And FINALLY, "Look it's been 9 months, the crib's never been used, let's just keep doing this - IT WORKS"

I just don't think I can pick an age and then just randomly give Evan the boot outta the family bed. There's no magic age when I can say "Okay kiddo, sorry you still need me, but you're OUTTA HERE"....

Whatever works is what we'll do.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Another other, it's really dependent on the kid. I can remember being 13 and still sleeping with my mom if I was scared or whatever. Kwim?

We don't really have a "You're OUTTA here" age for James, just when he feels ready. We have a full size bed that we'll put up to our King should we have another baby, heck we even have the sleeping arrangements planned out for child number 2, 3 and even 4 should all the kids still be in our bed. LOL.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Hmmmm.... who voted for 1 and 2?

-Angela


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## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

I voted other. My brother would sleep in my mom's room when my stepdad was out of town (which was alot), up until he was about 12. I found it hilarious when he started giving me crap about my dd sleeping with us as a little baby. He said "Shouldn't she be sleeping in her OWN bed?" and I said "Yeah, maybe she should! We wouldn't want her to turn out like you, right?" We both thought it was pretty funny and the subject has never been brought up again by him


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## guestmama9924 (Mar 16, 2002)

we have recently begun to encourage our 11 year old girl to curl in bed with her sister if she wants to sleep with someone. That works great for both of them. With that said, she is allowed in anytime, especially if afraid/bad dreams. Sometime though it is only for a while until I can scoot her back to bed half asleep. The 6 year old is still a regular.


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## finn'smama (Jan 11, 2006)

Other...I think it really depends on the child. I will make a space available to mine, but I won't push for it until they feel they are ready. And they will always be welcome in our bed.
I was never welcome in my parents bed, and I have lots of memories of being really scared at night and feeling quite alone at many different ages. In fact, I still don't like to sleep alone...


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I personally would be uncomfortable having a post-pubescent teen or pre-teen in bed with the opposite gender parent, so I voted 12 years old. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it for other folks; it's more about me and my personal hang-ups and comfort level.

Quote:

Hmmmm.... who voted for 1 and 2?
I gotta agree-- I'd love for whoever that was to speak up.


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## quietserena (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640* 
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.









thank you for that!


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

What a cool thread!


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## Haydee (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BusyMommy* 
What a cool thread!









I'm loving this! I have been worried about DD wanting to be in my bed. It doesn't bother me any, but I worry about what CPS or her therapist would say.







:

Thank you everyone for your amazing responses!!


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## GoodWillHunter (Mar 14, 2003)

When I or DH start feeling uncomfortable with it. Right now, my eldest (11) will sleep on our floor if he feels icky.


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## josh&davesmomme (Feb 24, 2006)

I haven't read the other replies but I voted "other" because each child has their own needs and each family should decide what is right for them.

My parents were NEVER available during the night for me but when I stayed at my grandmas house I remember curling up with her and feeling so safe and secure long into my middle school years-

My sister came to live with me after my mom died and had been neglected physically and emotionally by my father, she was 14. she slept on my and dh's bedroom floor for a long time, even though she had he own room to sleep. If there would have been room in the bed I have no doubt she would have been right in bed next to me. She had a real need to feel close to us and we were happy to give her the stability. After a few months she felt secure enough that we would be there for her that she moved to her own room- by the time she was 15 she was sleeping in her own room with the lights off and the door closed. I'd like to think by being sensitive to her needs to not be alone, instead of pushing for privacy and independence it helped her to feel secure and gain her independence when she was ready.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Other







I personally moved #3 into his own bed (a toddler bed right next to mine) when he was just going on 2 so we'd have more room for the new baby, but he's still in our bed half the night. I guess as soon as they are comfortable sleeping through the night on their own. But no matter what, they're always welcome to come snuggle.


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## MomToKandE (Mar 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640* 
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.

LOL! Dd (6) has informed me that she plans to do exactly that! She says she and her dh will live at our house and we'll all sleep together!

I didn't vote because I'm not sure. I kind of think dd is getting too old... I don't mind her coming in when she's scared etc. but I want her to know she can sleep on her own without being afraid. I don't want her to miss out on sleepovers and campouts because she can't sleep without me. On the other hand she still seems to need me at night so I don't want to deny her.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640* 
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MomToKandE* 
LOL! Dd (6) has informed me that she plans to do exactly that! She says she and her dh will live at our house and we'll all sleep together!


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## irageo (Nov 4, 2006)

Well... I'm 33 and I sleep in my family bed every night. DS doesn't seem to have a problem with it.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies* 
Other. My children will never be to old to crawl into bed with me.
I am currently 30 and my parents would still let me sleep in their bed if I was scared or just needed to be comforted.









Same here.

I clearly remember having horrible nightmares well into my teens. I mean, terrifying, where I would wake up crying and totally scared that someone was in the house. My parents wouldn't let me sleep in their bed, but I could always go to my dad's side of the bed and sleep on the floor with a sleeping bag. I was so glad that they didn't mind that I did that. If they would've minded, I probably would have gone and slept with my brother.

I was definitely a kid that needed to co-sleep, and I know my son is like that too. I don't think I'll *ever* tell him he couldn't sleep with me/us if he wanted to, even if he was 20, 30, whatever!!


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## falcon (Jul 8, 2004)

kids and families are all so different, I think it would be impossible to pin this down to a particular age. So I put other.


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## falcon (Jul 8, 2004)

And as for our family, ds can cosleep with us as long as he wants


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## hugosmoma (Nov 19, 2001)

ds was moved to his own bed right before he turned eight. it was REALLY difficult with four of us in bed (almost one year old), three cats and a dog. i couldn't move. and the eight year old is a terribly restless sleeper. when he was six, he hit me in his sleep and ripped out my lip piercing. ouch. i do miss him not being next to me though and cuddle with him in his bed in the morning or he comes in the big bed if he wakes up first.

he is not, however, sleeping alone! my husband moved with him, just to ease the transition, but has stayed! it has been a few months. dh works many hours and often comes home right before bed, so cuddling in with ds and chatting has been really nice bonding for them (they usually just fall asleep together).

my fifteen year old however, is alone in his own room, though he too often comes in and lays on the big bed and chats.


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

I have a friend whose son still co-sleeps at 15. I think she wishes he'd sleep in his own room, but she doesn't openly object to the continued bed sharing.

I co-slept with my mom until I was 8 or 9 and then she started making me sleep in my own room.

If I had a big enough bed (only have a twin with sidcarred crib) my middle child owuld probably sleep with me every night and I'd be fine with that.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irageo* 
Well... I'm 33 and I sleep in my family bed every night. DS doesn't seem to have a problem with it.









touche!!


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
Other. My children will never be to old to crawl into bed with me.
I am currently 30 and my parents would still let me sleep in their bed if I was scared or just needed to be comforted.
And that's exactly how families are "supposed" to treat each other.


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## ~MoonGypsy~ (Aug 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lynnseedoil* 
I voted Other (there's always someone with an exception!)









In my case, my mom was a single parent. I still slept with her when I was lonely or scared into my teens. Frankly, sometimes in my 20's I would still sleep in her bed with her when we went to visit my grandparents.

I can see where some people might view it differently with a 2-parent household and a kid getting larger and larger. In that situation, I'd say that as long as everyone involved is comfortable, I don't see an issue.









:


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

I put other as it really depends on the individual child and what he/she needs


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

I voted 10, but I should have voted other. B/c if my ds is 12 and still wants to sleep in our bed once in a while, I'm sure I'd let him. We're too crowded, so the floor would be better.









I'm kinda disturbed that some people actually voted 1, 2, and 3. THey're still baies! Trolls?


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wendy1221* 
I'm kinda disturbed that some people actually voted 1, 2, and 3. THey're still baies! Trolls?

That's not necessarily fair. Some people are not comfortable sleeping with children in their bed. It doesn't make it wrong.


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## wendy1221 (Feb 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColoradoMama* 
That's not necessarily fair. Some people are not comfortable sleeping with children in their bed. It doesn't make it wrong.

The question was how is too old to sleep in the family bed, not how old before you personally don't want them in YOUR bed. I read that as people are saying they thing those of us who co-sleep w/ older toddlers/kids are sick if they voted that 1 year olds are too old.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wendy1221* 
The question was how is too old to sleep in the family bed, not how old before you personally don't want them in YOUR bed. I read that as people are saying they thing those of us who co-sleep w/ older toddlers/kids are sick if they voted that 1 year olds are too old.

I can see your point. I don't necessarily agree though. Just because someone thinks one thing doesn't mean they're not open to a different solution for other people. That's all I was pointing out. I didn't read anything about anyone saying it was sick.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

I always like getting different points of view. We plan to co-sleep (honestly I'm too lazy to breast feed if the baby isn't right there!) but my in-law's think we're nuts. (Not in a mean way, just in a "you'll see" way.)

Of course in their family it's also a "funny" family story how at two my dp would stand at the baby gate and rattle the bars, crying for his parents until his older sister, age 9 would come and get him and take him to her bed! Personally I feel it's a tradegy!


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

I don't know









I'm just a lil' weirded out that a couple of people voted that 1 yr olds and 2 yr olds was "too old".


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## GenomicsGirl (Jan 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColoradoMama* 
we have FOUR bedrooms upstairs, but we were ALL in one room!

















That's how we are! ds1 in bed with us, ds2 in the crib in our room, and the dog and cat cuddling with us - we also have 3 otherwise-barely-used bedrooms


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## lurable (Jul 23, 2006)

I voted other--I will let dd- and future children- decide when they are ready to "move out" of the family bed/ room. I know that when I was getting to be around 11/12 I really valued my independent time before bed to read/listen to music/write in my diary and I wanted to be alone.
That being said, my bed will always be there and there will never be a sign saying "you must be under this age to enter"


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irageo* 
Well... I'm 33 and I sleep in my family bed every night. DS doesn't seem to have a problem with it.









:


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## LelanisMom1 (Dec 9, 2006)

I voted other. We are no hurry to have Rosie and Lelani out of the family bed. Aoon there will be a new addition to it.







: Rosie turns 4 on the 23rd of this month and is NOWHERE NEAR ready for her own bed. With Lelani,she's still just a baby and she'll sleep with us for as long as she likes. Same with Eloise. To me,saying that a child is too old to sleep with you is like saying they are too old to nurse. Would it surprise you that my girls is still nursing and in July I'll be nursing 3 kids?


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
I voted 14+. Although I think that there are certainly exceptions, if a child is still regularly sleeping in the family bed by the time he/she begins high school, it may be time to encourage them to sleep in their own bed/bedroom instead.

Yeah, I'm down with this.

At this point I have no idea when/if I will encourage my child to sleep alone. She has her own bed now, but it's only for jumping on and watching TV. At night she always sleeps with me (she is 3). She has NO desire to sleep in her own bed, and honestly I feel like she is way too young. We'll see how it evolves as she grows.


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## Terabith (Mar 10, 2006)

Well, my dd2 is 21 months and I have pondered trying to move her into her own bed during her two's. (Not sure, just have pondered.) I don't think there is anything wrong with a child sleeping in his/ her parents' bed as long as everyone is cool with it, but my dh is getting a tad grumpy and she is kinda becoming a bit of a bed hog. (She likes to sleep perpendicular to the rest of us and I'm tired of being head butted during the night.) I slept with my mom when my dad was out of town thru junior high, I think, and I definitely would encourage our kiddos to come in and sleep with us if they had a bad dream or something. But full time cosleeping, I think I might personally be grumpy with older kiddos.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paint-the-moon* 
I posted something on a simliar thread ... My kids can sleep with me as long as they wish. As long as it works for both parents and kids, I don't believe there is an age that is "too old."

Personally, I slept with my parents until I was about 11. It wasn't every night after the age of 8 ... but I loved sleeping with my mama and daddy (they divorced when I was about 9, and my brother and I both co-slept with both parents after that as well ... in fact, we *needed* to co-sleep even more after such a traumatic event in our family). Heck, I slept with my mama for a few nights last year at the age of 31 when my hubby was out of town and I was pregnant.

When my little brother died a few years ago my family set up camp in my living room ... all of us slept together on the floor for about a week to comfort one another ... my mom and dad (who have been divorced for 20 years), me and my husband (DH next to me ... not next to my parents







). As we all laid there not sleeping - crying night after night - to be able to reach out and hold each others hands and find shelter in the love from one another was amazing. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first horrible days without them there like that.

Nothing wrong with being close to our mama and papa. Sharing sleep is a natural and loving thing!


I wonder what it is about pg that makes us want our mamas? Dh was out of the country a ton during my pg. I conapped with my mama a few times. My sisters (15 and 12) will come over to my house and sleep with me if dh is out of town. I coslept with the rents till about 4 and then they bought a king sized bed for the 3 of us kids. We kids co slept till i was about 8 when my stepmom thought i was old enough for my own bed. We all had beds in the same room still (one HUGE room) and most nights we ended up squished together.

I HATE sleeping alone. I remember being a teenager and just loving havig my baby sisters (3 and 1 at the time) snuggle up with me.

So really i dont see a definate age to stop if everyone is getting sleep.


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## Thompson'sMommy (Jul 15, 2006)

WOW I am surprised that anyone would say 1.


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## kallyn (May 24, 2005)

My friends have always found my own sleeping situation growing up to be insanely funny.

I'm the oldest, and I slept with my parents. When I was 3 my sister was born, and we BOTH slept with my parents. At some point, they put us in our own rooms, but my sister and I would always just sleep with each other no matter what room we were initially put down in. Then when I was 10, my little brother was born. He slept with my parents til he was bout 2, then they kicked him out because he kicked them all night and he came and slept with me and my sister. The 3 of us shared the same bed til I graduated high school and went to college, and we would still all sleep together whenever I visited home.

Now I'm 23 and married, and when I was visiting home last week while DH was out of town, I still slept with my 13-year-old brother! He's the only kid at home now, but whenever my dad goes out of town he sleeps with my mom (and when my sister visits from college, he sleeps with her).

So anyway, I think there is no age at which anyone needs to be put out of bed unless it becomes uncomfortably cramped or something.


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## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

I could just as easily have voted other since I can't think of an age when I would forbid my children to sleep in my bed if they needed me I would hope that they would primarily be sleeping without me by say 12. We have four bedrooms but usually either all end up in the king sized bed or Dh is in one room with DD#1 and I'm in another with DD#2. We would like to try to get them in a queen bed together because DD#1 tends to wake up in the bed alone before we come to bed. Just the last week or so we've been putting them to bed at the same time in the same bed and that's working pretty well for us. We get them to sleep then DH and I go downstairs for grown-up time. If this continues to be a comfortable solution then I can't see any pressing need to move any one out unless we do have another baby because there's not really any more room. There is plenty of room for a futon or another mattress in our room though so we could certainly go that route.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

I voted "other". Living in Japan has really changed my outlook on a lot of things. Our DD loves to spend the night with her Japanese friend and thinks it is great that Great Grandma, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, her friend, and her friend's sister all sleep in the same room. They also all bathe together at night. Honestly, I think this arrangement is pretty neat--families here are so loving and respectful of one another, it's really nice. Maybe before moving here I would have said, I don't know, when child gets married; but now I'm not too sure


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## bornbythesea (Oct 24, 2006)

Every kid is so different! I still sleep with my mom when I visit...I'm 31!


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

I voted other. I don't think you can slap an arbitrary age on when a child should leave the family bed. You really hav to rely more on family dynamics and individual comfort levels.

My dd is close to 6 and sleeps with us. She can come or go as she pleases until one of us, or all of us feel uncomfortable about the arrangement.


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## snangel (Nov 27, 2006)

I voted other. My youngest ds and I just went out of town to visit my mom. In her room/ bed or matress on the floor by the morning was her, my son, and myself, and my 2 sisters who are 5 and 11. So I don't think there is a to old! Either that or we just have a very close family, but it works for us, and we like it!!


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## mamamoo (Apr 29, 2002)

I voted other too. I just can't put a cap on it like that. With 4 kids and one on the way we do have limited space though.My older two generally sleep together sometimes they sleep with us too...


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## funkygranolamama (Aug 10, 2005)

I also voted "other". I feel like it is all relative to the child and family. I have been reading "The Unprocessed Child" by Valerie Somecrazylastname (sorry, Valerie







) and she says (and I agree) that there is no reason to force a child into an environment in which they do not feel safe, at any age. As adults, if we wake in the night from a terrible nightmare, most of us can roll over and get reassurance from our partner, or at least not be in a room alone to deal with the fear. Children don't have the ability to distinguish dreams from reality as well as adults do. I have no desire to put my child in that type of situation. There will come a time in my life when I will wish I could hear her breathing lying on a palette beside my bed.

All that said, dd is 9 and ds is 2 and they both sleep in our room. When #3 comes we'll have to make another spot, but it will work.

That book is da bomb, btw. Go get it.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Other - as mutually agreeable


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## lyttlewon (Mar 7, 2006)

I have always been plagued by nightmares. I shared a room with my sister until I was 11 and always tried bribing her into letting me stay the night in her room. I would go into my parent's room and sleep on their loveseat up until they seperated when I was 14. After that I often shared a bed with my mom when her boyfriend wasn't living there up until I was 16. When I visit my sister I still share a bed with her at least I will until the current boyfriend stays over and gives me the boot. I HATE sleeping alone. My sister on the other hand was fine sleeping alone and stopped sleeping with my parents around 8 or 9 years of age.

So for my kid as long as she needs. When DH makes a comment about it I remind him there are other bedrooms he can sleep in. He always tells me to be nice.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I dont think there is a age so I picked other. The rule here is as long as it works for the kids and for us they can stay as long as they want. I will draw the line and say once they are married they can only sleep in my bed if hubby/wife isnt there as well


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## kaspirant (Apr 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *irageo* 
Well... I'm 33 and I sleep in my family bed every night. DS doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

Yeah...I'm gonna marry this man in 55 days.







:

IMO ... The family bed is just that...a bed for a family and our kids are welcome in it as long as they want to be there


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## midstreammama (Feb 8, 2005)

I voted other as well.

As long as my children need to come in, they can. If they are 20 and need a snuggle, that's okay.









My 8yo dds routinely come in our bed sometime before morning everynight. Sometimes we will let her fall asleep in here too. I guess we are okay with it no matter what.


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## BabyBearsMummy (Jan 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Fairy4tmama* 
when they want to bring there spouse to bed too

















:


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## Silvercrest79 (Jan 20, 2004)

At first I was going to say 10. Then I was like...does it really matter? If it was just me and they had a valid reason for wanting to be in the same room or bed, I don't think age really matters. I do have all girls, so I don't know if I'd feel different if they were teenage boys.


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## joy2bmom (Aug 3, 2006)

I think as long as ur all comfy there's no age limit. When i was 4yrs my mum kicked me outta the bed and it was very tramatic so i slept with my brother untill he moved out


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

dd is 6 and still sleeps with Dh and I. We have no plans to kick her out.

It works for us. We have a king size bed, which I think is the key. There has to be room for everyone. dd is also a great sleeper, goes out quickly (like in 1-2 minutes) never wakes at night.
Dh works a lot so he likes being near dd.

dd has already planned it out. She said when she gets married, her husband could sleep in her room and she'll still sleep in ours


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chel* 
dd is 6 and still sleeps with Dh and I. We have no plans to kick her out.

It works for us. We have a king size bed, which I think is the key. There has to be room for everyone. dd is also a great sleeper, goes out quickly (like in 1-2 minutes) never wakes at night.
Dh works a lot so he likes being near dd.

dd has already planned it out. She said when she gets married, her husband could sleep in her room and she'll still sleep in ours










THAT is adorable!


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## WonderWild (May 13, 2004)

I voted 13. I know there will be exceptions once in a while (out of town visiting, sick, scared, etc.) However, I think that by 13 I would really like him to be on his own most all of the time. I don't know why that age in particular. I guess it's just something about being a teenager sleeping in my bed. I would never ever tell him he can't come in though. Don't get me wrong. I would just hope that it's rarely needed by that age.


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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Ohter -
Up to their individual needs.

(Just one now, but TTC







)


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## hammas (Oct 19, 2006)

I voted Other. I don't think it depends on anyone's age. My kids can sleep in our family bed as long as they need to.

After my inlaws divorced, the older of SILs slept in MIL's bed until she was 21 and moved out. I remember dreaming of a family bed when I was ten (never had one when I was a kid). I think we will have a separate bed available for ds when he is five (now almost 3,5).


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

So, none of the now *7* people who voted 1 or 2 will identify themselves, eh?

-Angela


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## Haydee (Jan 10, 2006)

The majority of people who voted and are willing to identify themselves are willing to let their DC stay as long as they want, even into their late teens/20's and on.







Sure makes me feel alot better about my 9 y.o. DD!


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## KrystalC (Aug 1, 2006)

I said 6, but I guess I really should have said "other"

I think 6 is a good age to start getting a little bit of independence. Not too much, mind you, but I'd encourage him to sleep in his own bed most nights at that point. If he was scared or had a nightmare or just wanted to be close to his parents, I certainly wouldn't tell him no!

Hell, I slept in my mom's bed when I was upset. I did that all the way through high school and even after I moved out and needed emotional support.


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## Primigravida (May 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 
I voted other







Humans are designed to want to be in close proximity to one another. It's really a cultural thing that we box them off into their own rooms...so, since I'm not much into status quo, other it is









ITA!


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## lmartinx1 (Feb 4, 2007)

I agree, I think it depends on the child.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

I'd always welcome a kid who's lonely or having nightmares to sleep in bed with us, but I'd prefer not to have them there every night past the age of 3 or 4. It depends on the kid, though. If they seem to have a strong emotional need for company, I'm not going to kick them out.

My son doesn't seem to care much either way except when he's sick or especially clingy. Last night I tried to take him to bed with us and he woke up after a couple hours and screamed to be taken to the living room to be rocked back to sleep (and then put in his own bed). He is kind of like me and my husband, he seems to need space more than cuddling.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

Ok, I'll admit I am one of the ones who said 1 or 2. I'm not a big fan of cosleeping, because I don't know anyone in real life who does it happily. They are all miserable and wish their children would sleep in their own rooms. Their marriages have suffered terribly too. My kids slept happily and content in their cribs and along with all the horror stories I hear on this forum, I'm glad. However, I also believe people should do what they feel is best and if they love cosleeping, go for it! (I think people haven't spoke up, because they usually get flamed for this attitude.)


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Thanks for speaking up







You will not get any flames from me.

But I did want you to know how happy I am w/co-sleeping---just so you know someone who is. My hubby and I co-sleep w/my just turned 2 and just turned 5 yr olds. Me and the boys sleep in the queen and my hubby sleeps in the twin that is pushed up next to it. I could not imagine not sleeping with my children--honestly and truly. I cannot imagine my 5 yr old leaving the bed anytime soon







And I don't think my husband would permit it









Our marriage is phenomonal, actually the best it has ever been. We have fallen back madly in love with each other as I have been on my healing journey for cancer.

We are ecstatically happy and in love and loving every moment of our parenting.

So, now you know someone








Amy

ETA: Wanted to add. I never ever come to this forum and post. Why? B/c I have not one problem w/co-sleeping that I need advice on. This is a 'problem' w/this board as people like me don't come here and post about how happy they are. The only reason I came is b/c I saw that mamakerry was the OP and she rocks.


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## damyen's mommy (May 5, 2005)

I voted other. I beleive there is no precise age, I think whenever they are ready and willing. THan great.
It looks like most other people agree, I din't read all the posts yet.


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## Haydee (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kundalini-Mama* 
The only reason I came is b/c I saw that mamakerry was the OP and she rocks.









Thanks for that!!


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)




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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

I will admit I hastily voted for "2." But really I was thinking of my preference for my own family. My twins take up a lot of space and are really mobile and squirmy and kicky and hair-pully at times now at 1, so I am really hoping they get to spending the night in their room by 2. I'm actually eager for them to be old enough (and aware enough of their body movements and out of the hair-pulling phase) to sleep together, because that's how they came into this world, and that's how they spent most of their first 7 months (including most of their 9 weeks in the NICU).

But reading the replies, I realize I ought to have voted other - because certainly my preference doesn't apply to everyone and if everyone in the bed is happy, why should anyone leave?

I have very little RL experience with co-sleeping families. No one I know has ever co-slept as a conscious choice, and honestly I used to think it was kind of strange. But reading more and being on MDC has really opened my eyes and helped dispell that feeling. This thread even more so. I wish I could change my vote!


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

Thanks for replying and not flaming! I'm glad it works for you ~ I've always believed you need to do what works for you and nobody else. If I had my way, I would sleep all alone, so I am not the best person to have an opinion on this. I never had the need as a child to sleep with a sibling and even though we took turns sleeping with my mom when my dad was out of town, I could take it or leave it. I like it dark and quiet with lots of room to stretch out! I wish you lots of luck on your healing journey. I hope everything works out for you!


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## Progressive_Mom (Sep 2, 2006)

I voted "other". I slept with my mom and dad until I was 12 and my 2 boys and I still sleep with them when I stay the night without DH!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *primjillie* 
Ok, I'll admit I am one of the ones who said 1 or 2. I'm not a big fan of cosleeping, because I don't know anyone in real life who does it happily. They are all miserable and wish their children would sleep in their own rooms. Their marriages have suffered terribly too. My kids slept happily and content in their cribs and along with all the horror stories I hear on this forum, I'm glad. However, I also believe people should do what they feel is best and if they love cosleeping, go for it! (I think people haven't spoke up, because they usually get flamed for this attitude.)

Interesting. We love it. As does everyone I know IRL who co-sleeps. The cosleeping moms get a lot more sleep than, for example, my SIL who is always out of bed with one kid or another.









-Angela


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## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

I love co-sleeping too. At night I look forward to crawling into my (queen size so plenty of room







) bed with my 3 year old. She is the world's best night time cuddly warm thing to sleep with. I'm so not looking forward to the day she finally demands her own room.

I'm so, so glad I made the choice to co-sleep.

Hmmm, this thread is making me feel sleepy...


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## momoffaith5 (Jul 27, 2006)

i said 4,after that they're on their own.if you allow it too long they become dependant on others,scared of the dark and stuff like that.
i would rather have an independant fearless child,who would blossom into a strong independant adult.


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## *mama moose* (Oct 12, 2006)

I voted other, I love co-sleeping. DH always tells me he wants to buy DD a race car bed, so I think he wants her out at a few years old (like 2-3), when she can still fit in a toddler bed....but if I get my way (which I will







), this race car bed with have to fit a rather large and grown child! Heck, he may have to give it to her as a wedding gift!








realistically though, I'll probably set up a room for her with her own bed when shes a few years old (4 or 5 maybe?) and she can choose to sleep there or with us.


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## crissei (Oct 17, 2004)

other

I slept in the same bed with my mom from about 13-16 years old. My brothers and sister had all moved out by then, and it was just us two left in the house. It took us both a while to get used to being by ourselves.

I have no timetable for DS. I don't feel comfortable with it being before he is five years old though, because the bed in his room is a built in loft that has a ladder going up to it, not something I want a little one to navigate.

I have no problems co-sleeping either, but we do need a bigger bed







It's the three of us in a full size! Hopefully we can get a bigger one before having #2.


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## damyen's mommy (May 5, 2005)

nevermind


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## RockStarMom (Sep 11, 2005)

I voted 11, but I can't see myself ever kicking my daughter out of the family bed.


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## papa de angel (Sep 23, 2006)

I've spent a good while considering the question posed here, and honestly fail to see what age has to do with members of the same family sharing a bed/room. Once a family, always a family.
If, however, I saw that it was in my DC's developmental interests to explore other options, whether on an occasional or frequent basis, I would certainly support and encourage that, though no way before she/he could ride a bicycle (without stabilizers)


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momoffaith5* 
i said 4,after that they're on their own.if you allow it too long they become dependant on others,scared of the dark and stuff like that.
i would rather have an independant fearless child,who would blossom into a strong independant adult.

What kind of studies do you have to back this up? I would love to read them.


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## Barb36 (Mar 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momoffaith5* 
i said 4,after that they're on their own.if you allow it too long they become dependant on others,scared of the dark and stuff like that.
i would rather have an independant fearless child,who would blossom into a strong independant adult.

I would have posted "other" if the polls weren't closed. Personally, we love it if it works for the whole family. Worked great with ds#1 but ds#2 prefers the crib.







I never would have through it was possible...

But as to what momoffaith5 said, I think it really depends on the child rather than research. We're just too variable to be confined to case studies of X. When I was a child, I slept with my mother until I was about 10 or so. My ds, on the other hand, chose to sleep in his own bed at 3 1/2 and I was mortified! He climbs in with us most nights, but he shows no signs of fear around being alone in his bed. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep alone in a bed until my preteens. I think it just depends a lot on temperment and experiences.


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

I voted other, DS would be welcome to sleep with us as long as he wanted to. He's 3.5 and decided totally on his own recently that he wants to sleep in his own bed. He still comes into our bed in the middle of the night usually. I had no plans to "transition" him to his own bed, I was fully prepared for him to stay in our bed until 5 or 6 or beyond.

Sometimes I think though that the people whose kids are NOT welcome in the parents' bed ultimately end up having way more battles over the issue.


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## Kundalini-Mama (Jul 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barb36* 
But as to what momoffaith5 said, I think it really depends on the child rather than research. We're just too variable to be confined to case studies of X. When I was a child, I slept with my mother until I was about 10 or so. My ds, on the other hand, chose to sleep in his own bed at 3 1/2 and I was mortified! He climbs in with us most nights, but he shows no signs of fear around being alone in his bed. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep alone in a bed until my preteens. I think it just depends a lot on temperment and experiences.

I hear you Barb. But that is a pretty broad, generalizing, sweeping statement to make----without one shread of evidence to back it up. And what is the saying, "ancedotal evidence is not empirical evidence" (or something very close to that







)


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

I voted other. I was in my mom's bed until I was nine. My older sister used to crawl into bed with my mom when she came home from being out with her friends (mom was babysitting her son) if they had gone to see a scary movie. She was in her 20's at the time. She'd probably kill me for mentioning that








My dd moved to her own bed when she was between 2-3, because we both move around a lot in our sleep and sleep in really weird positions so we don't get a lot of sleep together. But she's always welcome, although she's only ever joined us in bed once, and that was last month.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
The cosleeping moms get a lot more sleep than, for example, my SIL who is always out of bed with one kid or another.









I always thought that would be a benefit to cosleeping, but in reality, I have to get out of bed whether he's in bed with us or not. When he wakes up in bed, he wants to be rocked to sleep in the chair in the living room, he does NOT want to stay in bed. If we try to just keep him in bed, he screams and neither of us can sleep.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 
I always thought that would be a benefit to cosleeping, but in reality, I have to get out of bed whether he's in bed with us or not. When he wakes up in bed, he wants to be rocked to sleep in the chair in the living room, he does NOT want to stay in bed. If we try to just keep him in bed, he screams and neither of us can sleep.

I guess every kid is different, huh? We never rocked dd. Never. Always went back to sleep in bed. So that's what she does.

-Angela


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## preggiek (Feb 9, 2007)

Never! I still sleep with my mother when she comes lol

cathy








[email protected]


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I guess every kid is different, huh? We never rocked dd. Never. Always went back to sleep in bed. So that's what she does.

It may be related to the fact that we didn't manage side-lying nursing for the first three or four months, so I *had* to get up back then. Or maybe just that he's a jittery kid and never could stand to just lie there and go to sleep! I'm hoping the next one is calming.


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## Dreamer (May 26, 2004)

I was never too big for my parent's bed!! My dad worked nights most all of my life, so I slept with my mom... even when I was pg (and single) at 19/20 I still slept in the same bed w/ my mom... and when babe got here, we all three slept together! LOL!! Now, I did have my own bed, and I would sleep there often as well, but it was no thing to fall asleep in mom's room and stay there all night...


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## SleepyMamaBear (Jun 5, 2005)

i still snuggle with my parents. and plan to et my DC's sleep with us as long as they need/want to. no age limit.


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## lacysmommy (Nov 10, 2004)

I'm really considering making one big bedroom for all of us for once our kids decide they want their own beds. A local 11 year old girl was recently raped in her room by a stranger so that's playing into those thoughts. If I'm there, nobody can sneak in to hurt my babies. Also a coworker lost two grandchildren in a fire. They were sleeping in seperate rooms from their parents. That also has played into my decision to cosleep.

I voted other, because I think it can vary from child to child. And I don't think it will be a problem to have a teenager sleep in our bed if she wants to. I'll just be happy she still wants to be with her parents and I'll take that love however I can get it!


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momoffaith5* 
i said 4,after that they're on their own.if you allow it too long they become dependant on others,scared of the dark and stuff like that.
i would rather have an independant fearless child,who would blossom into a strong independant adult.

This resoning is the same to me as CIO, slinging etc. Why the push for independance? My dd who is almost 3 has been worn, coslept, never cio and is the most independant child ever. It is almost too much. She has no fear and is a total daredevil. She will go into dark rooms, drag a stepstool and turn on the lights. Then she shuts the door and plays alone. She KNOWS i am there for her always any time of day or night.

Also, i was never scared of the dark etc. In fact i liked such a dark room my parents had to put up multiple layers of dark curtains. Now my room is painted dark violet with heavy curtains. Dh on the other hand who did NOT cosleep was terrified of the dark. When we moved in together i had to wean him off of his "night light" (the tv). When he got too old for a night light (at 12) his parents gave him a tv instead and he slept with that on all night long so the room would be light.

As far as independant. i moved out at 18, bought my own house, paid for my own wedding, paid for my own college and i help MY parents out.


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## KaryAnca (Feb 11, 2007)

I voted "other" ... but then our family bed included an 11 year old Collie/Irish Setter mix who was afraid of thunder storms and a blind 16 year old Yorkshire Terrier.


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## SillyMommy (May 13, 2003)

Another "other" here - they're too old when they no longer want to.


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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

I don't know why I felt compelled to come back here...but I have to clarify my earlier post again. Although I would prefer to not have both my girls in bed with us every single night after they are 2ish, I would never ever refuse either (or both) of them if they needed to be with us. Never.


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## rowansmomma (Feb 25, 2005)

Other........ I'm 32 and I've been known to crawl in bed with my parents when I'm visiting them or they're visiting me. Rowan has his own bed but he can sleep with us whenever he wants. It breaks my heart when I hear stories of kids crying in their rooms, afraid of the dark or whatever, and their parents won't let them in their room.......how cold that is.

AND.........I prefer him in bed with me. The only reason he has his own bed is because USUALLY he prefers it.......I relish the nights he wants to "sleep in mommy woom". I get to smell him all night, cuddle with him, wake up to him rubbing my cheeks, I get to hear I love you over and over...........who wouldn't want that?


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## jojospok23 (Oct 18, 2005)

Another other here. When it stops working for us, or she leaves home.


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## sophmama (Sep 11, 2004)

I voted other. I don't think it's a case of "too old" ever - but sometimes it is a case of "too big" as in you can't comfortably fit all the people in the bed and get a good night's sleep. Especially for single parents with a larger bed- of if there's room - any age is appropriate!

I'm scratching my head here at who put 1 year olds as being too old to sleep with parents? Are they serious?

The nature of co-sleeping does definitely change over the years I'm sure. With babies it may actually be harder than with older kiddos because they don't interupt your sleep as much (well, unless they snore, kick, or steal covers).


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## mayamama (Jul 13, 2006)

I've slept in the same bed with several members of my family as an adult. My brother and I shared a bed through our travels through Asia, and we were 25 and 23 at the time. I shared a bed with my mother as we traveled through Europe just last year (when I was 30), and I shared it with my best friend when she was here to visit and dd slept in between us. My mom sometimes sleeps with me and dd if my husband has to stay up late. My aunt slept with me and dd the last time she visited, and recently my mom, my brother, dh and I all stayed in the same hotel room. DH and I slept together and mom and DB slept together. My mom is in her 60s and all of us were near 30! I think a PP said as long as the family in comfortable, it's a good sleeping arrangement! I'd sleep with anyone who doesn't kick me out in their sleep!


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## aprilbaby06 (Jan 21, 2006)

I voted other because my daughter is 12 and still sleeps in my bed at least once a week. I think that before age4 they should have their own bed and be sleeping in it some by age 8. But thats just me. I do not see me telling my daughter no you can never sleep with me again after she is 14.


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## zannster (Aug 12, 2004)

I can't vote, because I have no idea. I didn't sleep with my parents, and my oldest is only two now. I'm still fine with him sleeping with me. I can't imagine having an older child sleep with me all the time, but I'm not sure where the cutoff would be.

I haven't read all the posts, so I don't know if this has been mentioned...but don't boys start having "wet dreams" around age 12 or so? Wouldn't that be a weird (and sticky, heh) situation to have your son in your bed when that happens?


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

When she started kicking me all night long with her cold feet.


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## milk4two (Mar 20, 2003)

I think if a kid really wants to sleep in the family bed, there may still be a need on some level. I really don't want my kids over 7 to sleep with us, but they have never asked so it's a non issue.


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## katydid317 (Dec 18, 2006)

Seems most people are choosing other!

I really think it is about what works for each family. I used to sleep with my son (he's 2 1/2 now) on a regular basis mainly because of our living situation (we have a 1-bedroom apartment, and if we're in the same room, we're going to be in the same bed, that's just how it seems to work out). However, I'm the kind of person who isn't very cuddly at night. I got a pull-out couch to sleep on just because I need my own space. So really, while I think some people are kind of crazy for sharing a bed with a child or multiple children, it's more that my own personal preference is to have space to myself.

Kate
single student mama to Owen (09/05/04)


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## nicolelynn (Aug 18, 2006)

Dh and I don't have children yet...and my parents only co-slept with us as babies.

All along and through about 11 years of age for all my brothers and I...we would co-sleep with my parents when we were sick, had a bad dream or were scared. I even remember being 12, scared about something and wanted to sleep with my parents. I was old enough to talk myself out of it, though haha.

So for some kids the need is there for along time, at least occasionally.


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## DQMama (Mar 21, 2006)

I voted other. My sister co-slept with my mom when she was 13. My parents had just gotten divorced, I left for college, and she was scared to be alone.

My dad actually made an issue of it in court and my mother was court-ordered to stop co-sleeping.

(We are all on good terms now but it was rough for a while there.)


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## auds (Jan 8, 2006)

i LOVE that most people chose other, indicating what we all know is true, there is always an exception to the rule so why bother with the rule in the first place and just go with what works for you!


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## mamamoo (Apr 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DQMama* 
I voted other. My sister co-slept with my mom when she was 13. My parents had just gotten divorced, I left for college, and she was scared to be alone.

My dad actually made an issue of it in court and my mother was court-ordered to stop co-sleeping.

(We are all on good terms now but it was rough for a while there.)









I can not believe they could do that!!







:


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## SabbathD (Apr 4, 2006)

I think we will make a bed available around 3-4 in our room, with no expectations that she will sleep in it, and we will hope that she is a wee bit more full time by the time she is 8-9 ish. That said, she is always welcome.


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## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

I voted other. After my parents divorced when I was 10 my brother, mother and I had to move in with my grandparents for a while and we all shared a room, and therefore a bed. There are still times when my 6yr ds or my 9yr ds will come and get in bed with my dh and I if they don't feel well or have a bad dream. I figure they grow up and want to leave too fast anyway so why not.


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hotwings640* 
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.


























































i love it



















































I dont think there is a time or a age i dont like sleeping alone so how is it fair for me to force my child to do it... i dont think there is a age that is too big i could never refuse my child needing comfort it is even beter when dd dont wake me up just crawls in bed


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

i was around 10-11 when i went with my own bed, after that, we had beds all in one room, pretty much traning me and my brother to sleep on our own, but with my mom near by( dad passed on







)

sooo your 9 year old dd still sleeping with you? there taint nothing wrong with that,

IMHO i belive that with how society is today, with how grown up even middle school can be i think 12 can be also a point where encouraging sleeping on their own since its a time when if they found out that they werent sleeping in their own bed theyd get made fun of which is, imho quite cruel,







and this makes me wonder too, have you mammas ever had a instance whre your DC ever bought this issue up?


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## geek_the_girl (Apr 12, 2006)

I havent read the thread yet but I voted other.
I think that it just depends on the kid and family..ect ect ect..Everyone is different. Every situation is different.
My family gives me sh*t because our girl still sleeps with us. Shes 4 1/2. Whatever.


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *geek_the_girl* 
I havent read the thread yet but I voted other.
I think that it just depends on the kid and family..ect ect ect..Everyone is different. Every situation is different.
My family gives me sh*t because our girl still sleeps with us. Shes 4 1/2. Whatever.

thats really odd that they would.


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## pixilixi (Jun 20, 2006)

It's a worn-out response, but I totally agree that there is no set age-limit for the family bed, though I could understand that families may have their own limits for various reasons.

As for us, I have no plans for ds to have his own bed, though we will need to add a bed/mattress for some more room!

I never ever co-slept, nor have my siblings. My mum believes that it's a bad idea to sleep with babies over a couple of months old because they'll come to like it and will never get out. Sadly (I think), my younger sister became sexually active at around age 14 - I don't think my mum realised this, but I bet that she would prefer my sister occasionally jumping into their bed, rather than in the bed of some neighbourhood boy.

Better that your children know you are always there for them at any age - maybe then they will be less likely to seek out other dangerous "comforts"?

Brooke


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## triscuitsmom (Jan 11, 2007)

I was 19 through most of my pregnancy with my son, I'm 20 now and I slept with my Mom every night until my due date (that was when she got a new matress for her bed... specifically so that the baby and I could share the big bed









I think the answer "When they have babies of their own to share with" is probably closest to true for me. In reality if I needed or wanted to crawl into bed with my Mom I could.

My brother would crawl into either my bed or my Mom's bed until he was 12 or 13 regularily... he has phobias and higher needs at night. I usually can sleep alone but sometimes not (it was nice to not have to during my pregnancy). For example when my ex-fiance and I broke up in July 2005 I came home and crawled into bed with my brother... it was instinct.

My 11 (almost 12) year old sister sleeps with my Dad when she's visiting some nights. She has a bed of her own but likes to share more than being alone.

My children will never be unwelcome... they can decide on their own


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## Sunflower223 (Feb 22, 2007)

I slept with my mom and dad until I was about 12. After that when my dad was out of town which was often, I always slept with my mom. I even sleep with her now if we are over there and its just she and I and the baby. The only thing I have to say about it is that I still honestly have a hard time sleeping by myself. I don't think there is a set age when you have to stop though. My dd started to sleep on her own at about 1, younger than any of the other kids in our family or friend circle. It worked for her. She sleeps better alone though.

One of my friends has a 6 year old son and she still co-sleeps with him. He doesn't even have a bed of his own. She is a single mom and works a lot and she likes the closeness. Do whatever works for you and your family.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

I don't think I can put a # on it, I would assume it would vary from kid to kid and situation to situation...

My kids stopped co-sleeping at 3 1/2 and 2, and that was WAY too early for me!


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sunflower223* 
I slept with my mom and dad until I was about 12. After that when my dad was out of town which was often, I always slept with my mom. I even sleep with her now if we are over there and its just she and I and the baby. The only thing I have to say about it is that I still honestly have a hard time sleeping by myself. I don't think there is a set age when you have to stop though.

Up untill my grandma got re-married 5 years ago (my grandpa died 10 years ago) I still slept with my grandma anytime I stayed with her.

My step-bil slept with his parents till 12, and some very close friends of my families co-slept with their kids till the girl was like 8 and the boy is still co-sleeping now and will be 10 in July.


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## WiccanMama (Feb 20, 2007)

I choose the option of "other" cause sometimes family's can't afford a home where every kid can have there own room so they just all sleep on a big huge one.. some of our friends pushed 2 king sized matress's together to make a hoomungis bed for thier 6 kids to all sleep w/ them they range in age from infant to 13.

My son is 13 and slept in our bed in between us until he was 10. Then he got too big and would make me & Dh sleep on the edge, so now he has his own queen size bed next to our queen size bed. Me have two Ikea platform beds in our room. One for him, one for us,... hey it works.

My friend has a gigantic master bedroom and she is a single mom and her 17 year old son still sleeps in the same room as her. Her in her bed, him in his.

So I say as long you like it then it isn't harming anyone.

Namaste,
Meg







:


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## anarchamama (Mar 4, 2005)

I voted other becasue I'm just not sure yet. DS is 3.5, around 3 he wanted to start sleeping in his own room, so he starts out the night there and usually comes to our bed in the early morning. We have 2 double mattress and a king duvet so that there is lots of room for everyone. I suppose at some point we might start to feel uncomfortable with it and all the nudity, or perhaps ds will first. I think we are just waiting to see what everyones individual comfort levels are as we go along but we are nowhere near pushing them yet. Also I assume as the kids get older and sleep in their own room they will end up in bed with each other as well, so maybe ds2 will stop sleeping in our bed earlier?


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## aimcar (Apr 17, 2003)

I voted "other" as well. I don't think there is a magic age to stop co-sleeping. Whatever works for you and your family is the right thing to do!


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## cjuniverse (Sep 22, 2005)

Other.

'Too old' is when the child(ren) in question are ready to sleep on their own, and/or there are serious sleeping issues that can only be resolved by moving them into their own beds (though not necessarily rooms...I'm thinking co-sleeper/futon/etc).

Family sleeping arrangements are natural, and as such I don't think there needs to be an arbitrary cut-off at any age. My husband slept with his parents well into his teen years, and when he moved with his mother after his parents divorce in his early twenties, he shared a bed with his mother. No big deal.

The bizarre tendency of Western culture to sexualize/stigmatize EVERYTHING seems to be the major force behind many questions of this nature...


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## RedPony (May 24, 2005)

Wow, look at all these different responses!









I voted "other". My parents were adamant that we didn't sleep in bed with them as children. BUT - I shared a bed with my sister until I was 12. Which made her 15.







My two older brothers also shared a bed well into their teens. It was a space issue for sure, with six kids. I've also spend nights with my grandma as a kid and aunts and girlfriends as a young adult (same bed) so really... it's no big deal for me!


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## myjulybabes (Jun 24, 2003)

I voted "other" because my answer totally varies by situation. If the kid is sick, or scared, or lonely, I'd think pretty much any age. For an every night deal though, I'd think around 10-12 is probably a good time for most kids to start sleeping their own bed if they don't already. And personally, just because I like to spread out, and so does dh, and we only have a queen size bed and we're both big people, I'd rather they slept in their room most nights by 3 or 4. I won't kick 'em out though, just encourage them.









ETA: This refers to same-bed sleeping. If we broaden co-sleeping to mean "same room", I'm not sure any age is too old if everyone is comfortable.

In reality, both kids (5 and 7) start out the night in their own rooms. Dd has an old crib mattress on the floor in our room that she comes in and sleeps on sometimes, and ds has just recently starting joining us in bed in the middle of the night. I wish he'd sleep on the floor too, he kicks. A lot. Ow.


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