# "Oh, that? It's for my back."



## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

What's your opinion on teens (probably more girls than guys) and vibrators? Does yours have one? What would you do if you found one (or a similar "tool" perhaps not used for its intended purpose) in their room? At a certain age would you 'allow access' without actively buying it for them? Would you actually buy it for them if they asked? Would you be okay if a trusted person (ie. sibling, best friend, aunt) bought? Is the rule at your house that no one is allowed to masturbate until they're married? Do you consider masturbation with an object "as bad as underage drinking"? Do you own one?

(After spending the last hour going through archives on this forum I feel the need to say: please do not make this into something it's not. I'm not talking about showing your kid pornography. Just your thoughts on encouraging, normalizing or discouraging masturbation).

I ask because for my sister's last birthday I bought her a vibrating dolphin-ish thing (about the size of half your thumb, not internal, intended as something amusing) as part of her "coming of age" box full of more serious things (books, directions and phone numbers for sexual health clinics, crisis lines, quotes about feminism, condoms, etc). I had two sillier ice-breakers: a child-like makeup kit and that, with the clear intent to be ironic.
Opinions seem to be mixed on whether I am sick and perverted, or secretly awesome. We had openly discussed masturbation and sex before, so she did think it was funny, as I intended it to be. I also received the same gift from peers at the same age and immediately showed my mom, who thought it was hilarious. Maybe this is an issue of being raised more openly?... Anyway, I'm curious what opinions are here on being open about masturbation with your teens, or if their siblings were.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

I'd be okay with it. We talk about these things. I'd help her pick one if she asked for it, and would see the intended humor if someone else gave it to her.


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## brooks97 (Apr 24, 2008)

I am okay with it. To be honest, I much rather have my teen play with a vibrator than with a boy.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Seems like a completely bizarre birthday present for a little sister who is a teen, even if you are raising her.

Not at all bizarre for a teen to buy their own at a drug store.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brooks97* 
I am okay with it. To be honest, I much rather have my teen play with a vibrator than with a boy.


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## Mrsboyko (Nov 13, 2007)

I know for a fact that my mom found mine when I was like 16. At least she didn't take it from me. There is NO way she would have bought it though.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

I hope to have an open enough relationship with my daughter to be involved in the vibrator buying process when she's a teen. I would definately never take one away if I found one!
My teen years would have been much different if I'd had that sort of relationship with my mom, or anyone else for that matter.


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## deny_zoo29 (Sep 21, 2008)

Hi I bolded my responses to your questions. I think your gift was just fine! And appropriate. Though just curious how old is your younger sister I think it'd be a better gift for say a 15/16 year old rather than a just turned 13 year old. But that's my opinion.
I think It's better to give a teen all the info and things they need to make good decisions rather than just saying don't do it, don't touch yourself or anybody else...what does that accomplish except for guilt, hiding, and unsafe situations.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
What's your opinion on teens (probably more girls than guys) and vibrators? *I think it'd be good for them to be able to explore their sexuality and urges with a safe toy rather than a potentially unsafe partner or situation*

Does yours have one? *I don't have a teen yet, just speaking from my heart and brain*

What would you do if you found one (or a similar "tool" perhaps not used for its intended purpose) in their room? *I wouldn't make a big deal of it, probably just ignore that it was found as it's a private thing*

At a certain age would you 'allow access' without actively buying it for them? *Sure....oh and as a side note my ex husband's mother found his "stash" of magazines and videos when he was a teen (given to him by his older brother) and threw them all out. She found the new stash when he was about 22 or so and did the same thing again. Saying it was awful and horrible and telling him he needed to spend more time at church. And after we divorced and he moved back in with his parents she once again found his stash, he was now about 30, and told him the same thing. SHe threw them out and said you need to go to church. I felt so bad for him and know that I will be WAY more open with my kids*

Would you actually buy it for them if they asked? *If they asked, I would try to help them with the decision about what would be best for them or buy one I thought was good and give it to them*

Would you be okay if a trusted person (ie. sibling, best friend, aunt) bought? *Sure, wouldn't bother me at all*

Is the rule at your house that no one is allowed to masturbate until they're married? *This statement is just crazy! Do you actually know someone who has this rule?! How does a person learn about themselves and what they like and enjoy unless they get to "practice"?*

Do you consider masturbation with an object "as bad as underage drinking"? *Again, NO. Do you know someone with this mentality? Masturbation is perfectly natural and normal and I feel should not be discouraged as long as it doesn't become an obssesion and is done in privacy (such as bedroom/bathroom).*

Do you own one? *Yes, I own two actually. My first was bought for me by a boyfriend when I was about 19 or 20. IT was cheap plastic and not at all nice. And he was too embarassed to use it on me, so it was kind of pointless and was thrown out when we broke up. I bought a nice one for myself (also happens to be a dolphin!) around that same time. And my DP and I bought one together that we use on occasion as part of our love-making.*


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## Mommy2Austin (Oct 10, 2006)

My older sister is the one who bought me my first vibe at 16. I think its almost a right of passage. I'd rather my daughter (One on the way woot!!) come and talk to me about it and me be involved than to get mixed information from her peers.

ETA: However if I had had another daughter I wouldn't mind my elder daughter doing the "rite of passage" thing in my stead as long as I was in the loop.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
Seems like a completely bizarre birthday present for a little sister who is a teen, even if you are raising her.

Not at all bizarre for a teen to buy their own at a drug store.











Another thing--I wouldn't want to suggest to a teen that she _needs_ a tool for this purpose. She may well be doing fine without.

As for conversations--I will be (am) open and supportive of self-exploration.


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## THANKFULFORFIVE (Jan 8, 2009)

I guess I'm along the line of thinking..."what they do in the privacy of the bedroom is up to them"....If I found something, I would not remove it. I would never give it as a gift, however. If they have questions, I answer them. But, I still think modesty is a virtue and there are some things better left private.


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## Labbemama (May 23, 2008)

My kids have suggested that I get one. Sassy little brats.







But no I would not buy one for any family member. As far as masturbation we have a please do it privately and knock before entering kids' bedrooms policy. I believe it is healthy and normal and best done in private.


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## BettinaAuSucre (Oct 15, 2009)

what Thankfulforfive said....

i didnt have vibrator until i was married at age 21, and then got a few more over the years.

if it were my daughter and she asked me to buy one for her, id say no. i started when i was 10 by myself, without the use of a device, and she can do the same.

It's a dont ask, dont tell type of situation for me. i try to be open minded but i am an ostrich when it comes to sex and my kids. maybe ill change my mind when they hit their teens.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
Seems like a completely bizarre birthday present for a little sister who is a teen, even if you are raising her.

Not at all bizarre for a teen to buy their own at a drug store.

Just to clear that up: she wasn't living with me at that time.









I've heard an absolute ton of people say they got their first from a sibling, in fact most people I asked seem to answer with that or that they found something in the house to use (electric toothbrush, et all).
Out of curiosity, what makes it bizarre? That we talk about these things or that I'm older than she is? Something else?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *denyzoo29*
This statement is just crazy! Do you actually know someone who has this rule?! How does a person learn about themselves and what they like and enjoy unless they get to "practice"?

LOL, yes and no. When I wrote about it I had someone react that way, and the "as bad as underage drinking" thing and equated the gift as being the same as buying her vodka.


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## mrsfrenchy (Apr 14, 2008)

I don't have a teen yet, so take my answers with a grain of salt. I personally would never actually buy someone else a vibrator, but I wouldn't remove it if I found it. And I kind of feel like thats the sort of thing you should spend your own money on. But if they were underage and needed to be able to purchase one online, I would be willing to use my CC for it, I think. Oh, but I guess all this does depend on age, athough I'm not sure why exactly. I mean, i think it's helpful to learn how to do it without a toy (and my preferred method anyway







. But I'm just much more comfortable with the idea of a 16 year old having one than with the idea of a 12 or 13 year old having one....idk

I don't have any issue with masturbation though, and they will (hopefully) know that it's just fine, as long as you do it in private.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brooks97* 
I am okay with it. To be honest, I much rather have my teen play with a vibrator than with a boy.



















I would buy her one if she asked, I wouldn't get her one unprompted though. I did tell her about a year ago that I would if she ever wanted. Dh was horrified. It hasn't come up again.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BettinaAuSucre* 
i started when i was 10 by myself, without the use of a device, *and she can do the same.*

I have to ask about this one: when having this discussion with other women many expressed that they had a lot of problems or fear surrounding learning to masturbate as a teen, and the issue of sexual health in girls seems like a really slippery slope for a lot of people.
A huge majority of my girlfriends figured out early that they had a lot of trouble 'getting there' and assumed their bodies were broken. This led to a huge amount of fear, insecurity, relationship problems, etc until they sort of "got it" later on in life (generally by their 20's) and figured out what the issue was. We all know that sexual exploration and masturbation is healthy, orgasms are good for your body and brain, etc... but sometimes I think there's a certain amount of misogyny laced into the teenage girls/masturbation issue (ie. we want our girls to be 'pure' but boys masturbating, or using household stuff, is totally okay). So, the whole, "if I can do it without help she can too" really rubs me the wrong way.

In my family (my mom's side definitely), sexual health is just as important as any other health. That includes safety and general knowledge, as well as knowing that it's okay to experiment. While I didn't talk a lot with my mom about masturbation, I did listen very intently when she had things to say. She also always made it clear that she would buy that type of thing for me if I wanted it. I just didn't have the guts to ask her! (Living in a VERY small town I didn't have the guts to buy my own, either! I wouldn't even buy a pregnancy test AFTER I was married!).


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
Out of curiosity, what makes it bizarre? That we talk about these things or that I'm older than she is? Something else?

Talking about it at her request: not bizarre.
Being older: not bizarre.

Interjecting yourself into the masturbation life of a 15 year old without a request for information or assistance: bizarre.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
Interjecting yourself into the masturbation life of a 15 year old without a request for information or assistance: bizarre.

How do you know she didn't ask?









And... why is buying a gag gift (not applicable for internal use) the same as "interjecting yourself into the masturbation life of a 15 year old"? The difference (or the "line") seems to be enabling her to enjoy her body, rather than keeping the topic as a "don't ask, don't tell"... and that's creepy and bizarre?
Would buying her condoms be "interjecting myself into her sex life"? I could go on!


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## PotreroHill (Apr 29, 2009)

I think it's awesome that you bought your sister a vibrator







Hey, it's safe sex with someone that she loves, herself


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## BettinaAuSucre (Oct 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
I have to ask about this one: when having this discussion with other women many expressed that they had a lot of problems or fear surrounding learning to masturbate as a teen, and the issue of sexual health in girls seems like a really slippery slope for a lot of people.
A huge majority of my girlfriends figured out early that they had a lot of trouble 'getting there' and assumed their bodies were broken. This led to a huge amount of fear, insecurity, relationship problems, etc until they sort of "got it" later on in life (generally by their 20's) and figured out what the issue was. We all know that sexual exploration and masturbation is healthy, orgasms are good for your body and brain, etc... but sometimes I think there's a certain amount of misogyny laced into the teenage girls/masturbation issue (ie. we want our girls to be 'pure' but boys masturbating, or using household stuff, is totally okay). So, the whole, "if I can do it without help she can too" really rubs me the wrong way.

In my family (my mom's side definitely), sexual health is just as important as any other health. That includes safety and general knowledge, as well as knowing that it's okay to experiment. While I didn't talk a lot with my mom about masturbation, I did listen very intently when she had things to say. She also always made it clear that she would buy that type of thing for me if I wanted it. I just didn't have the guts to ask her! (Living in a VERY small town I didn't have the guts to buy my own, either! I wouldn't even buy a pregnancy test AFTER I was married!).

not to put all my personal history out there, but i learned about my own sexuality very very early in my childhood due to circumstances beyond my control. it was never discussed in my family but i knew what i was doing.

to this day, it is the only way to for to orgasm, other than via oral, but even that can be difficult.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
How do you know she didn't ask?









And... why is buying a gag gift (not applicable for internal use) the same as "interjecting yourself into the masturbation life of a 15 year old"? The difference (or the "line") seems to be enabling her to enjoy her body, rather than keeping the topic as a "don't ask, don't tell"... and that's creepy and bizarre?
Would buying her condoms be "interjecting myself into her sex life"? I could go on!









Why is it a gag gift? Lots of serious talk here about sexual health and coming of age. Why is sex/masturbation funny? Enjoyable, yes. Funny, no.

Did she ask? You implied this was a birthday present that you gave her. If she asked for a vibrator, wouldn't that be something you enabled her to pick out for herself.

I didn't say creepy. I said bizarre.

The masturbation life of a 15 year old is private. If she asks for advice, support or information, responding to her is entirely appropriate. If she's a normally developing 15 year old she can likely enable herself in enjoying her own body without an older sister helping her "come of age."

As for condoms, it seems to me that it will serve her more to accompany her on her first trip to spend her money on condoms at her request, rather than buying them for her. If she is beginning a sexual life, the development of the skills of sexual health would be best "enabled" by her taking responsibility for herself, rather than an older sister making a joke of it.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BettinaAuSucre* 
not to put all my personal history out there, but i learned about my own sexuality very very early in my childhood due to circumstances beyond my control. it was never discussed in my family but i knew what i was doing.

to this day, it is the only way to for to orgasm, other than via oral, but even that can be difficult.

Not to sound creepy, but I'm glad you found a way to enjoy yourself.







I'm glad there are other options for women who have trouble.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Holy smoke Chfriend, you are trying really hard on this! I don't think it's worth continuing a conversation with you, frankly. Let's just leave it at, "we have very different values" and agree to disagree, shall we?


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Sorry you don't like my answer. Sounds like you were looking for a pat on the back, which some folks are happy to supply.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
Sorry you don't like my answer.

Nope, wasn't that. Thanks for your input!


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I think it was a nice gift. When i was a teen my mother would NEVER have done anything like that, and, having been raised by that mother, neither would my sister!

I do think being able to giggle about sex is healthy and takes the edge off for those of us who are the first break in the shame/silence/disapproval chain. I do agree that sexual health is a serious topic, but so is cancer and let me tell you, they sure laughed a lot at the hospice where my mother died! Sometimes humour opens communication in a way that serious heavy chats and educational discussions can't. When i learned about sexually transmitted diseases we all read/watched an info film/discussed the info and then had a good giggle learning the vital skill of putting a (luminous) condom on (a banana) properly and had a good laugh doing so. It made it much easier to talk to one another and the teacher afterwards that we'd been able to laugh together.

I think there is something about "coming of age" which says "you're a woman like me now, you are us, not 'them' (a little girl) anymore" and i think buying something a bit funny like a dolphin vibe strikes the right note there - it says "hey, you're a woman, i'm a woman, we all have needs, and here is a funny little nod to that to celebrate you becoming a woman". I would also, however, probably tell them that if they use it too much it might temporarily altertheir sensitivity in that area (i find if i use it more than once a week i can no longer reach orgasm without it, i think the area gets a bit "numbed" by it or something..?) but even then see - a useful opener for handy information!









Really littleteapot i think it's awesome - your thread title made me laugh, we have several bullets, a vibe one of my close friends got me to help "celebrate" me leaving my ex and a couple i've gotten free with other orders from a certain website and DH and i always exclaim "of course it's for stiff necks!" when we get one out


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littleteapot* 
I have to ask about this one: when having this discussion with other women many expressed that they had a lot of problems or fear surrounding learning to masturbate as a teen, and the issue of sexual health in girls seems like a really slippery slope for a lot of people.
A huge majority of my girlfriends figured out early that they had a lot of trouble 'getting there' and assumed their bodies were broken. This led to a huge amount of fear, insecurity, relationship problems, etc until they sort of "got it" later on in life (generally by their 20's) and figured out what the issue was. We all know that sexual exploration and masturbation is healthy, orgasms are good for your body and brain, etc... but sometimes I think there's a certain amount of misogyny laced into the teenage girls/masturbation issue (ie. we want our girls to be 'pure' but boys masturbating, or using household stuff, is totally okay). So, the whole, "if I can do it without help she can too" really rubs me the wrong way.

This was me. I could not orgasm by myself. I was completely convinced my body was broken and I was the worst female ever b/c who can't orgasm? I spent years thinking I was a freak. Then I discovered vibrators (I was 20 or 21)







. I wish i would have had a big sister who would have bought me something and helped me to see that masturbating is nothing to be ashamed of. You are awesome!


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
I do think being able to giggle about sex is healthy and takes the edge off for those of us who are the first break in the shame/silence/disapproval chain. I do agree that sexual health is a serious topic, but so is cancer and let me tell you, they sure laughed a lot at the hospice where my mother died! Sometimes humour opens communication in a way that serious heavy chats and educational discussions can't.

Yes, exactly. This was exactly what I meant by all that. And thank you for getting it.








We watch those commercials for those Neutrogena "wave" or whatever. The vibrating facial wash things, and absolutely burst out laughing. It's good to have a sense of humour about sexuality, it breaks the ice and it makes it easier to talk about. If I was all super serious about it I don't think she'd tell me the things about her experience that she has.. she knows she can trust me not to flip my top if she has a question, or had an experience. Just yesterday she asked me what was good for 'rugburn' (quick sex, no lube) and I gave her a couple of options, then made a joke about how men never have to deal with that. It helps make the conversation go smoothly to add in a joke.








Plus, that's just how we are in my house. She was over here watching TV when my 62 year old mom walked in and saw an advertisement for "finger neck vibrators" and yelled out, "Just call a spade a spade! It's a dildo! Yeesh" and walked away.

Quote:

it says "hey, you're a woman, i'm a woman, we all have needs, and here is a funny little nod to that to celebrate you becoming a woman". I would also, however, probably tell them that if they use it too much it might temporarily altertheir sensitivity in that area (i find if i use it more than once a week i can no longer reach orgasm without it, i think the area gets a bit "numbed" by it or something..?) but even then see - a useful opener for handy information!








That was exactly the intent.








Although, I did address that topic as an urban myth... (that you'll ruin yourself for sex - I know that's not what you said, don't worry), and it was also talked about under the context of a myth in one of the books I got her about sexuality too. I managed to find two totally awesome books to put in the box that she ended up loaning to literally every single one of her girlfriends (and some of the guys).
"Body Drama" and "Deal with it!" were their titles, I think. Really kickass stuff. I went through them myself with a stack of post-it notes and wrote down my thoughts, comments, experiences, etc as I went through because we were separated at that time and I wanted to give her the experience of sitting down and having these conversations with me, especially when they dealt with difficult topics (eating disorders, sexual abuse, etc). I expected her to throw away the post-its once she read them but she told me a little while ago that she actually kept them attached... even when she loaned them out! So, now all her friends know when I lost my virginity. Oh well.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Crystal_R* 
This was me. I could not orgasm by myself. I was completely convinced my body was broken and I was the worst female ever b/c who can't orgasm? I spent years thinking I was a freak. Then I discovered vibrators (I was 20 or 21)







.

It was me too, until I had some conversations with friends and figured out that they used household objects ... and suddenly I realized I was a normal person! My friends had suggestions about everything from toothbrushes to their parents' curling irons.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BettinaAuSucre* 
if it were my daughter and she asked me to buy one for her, id say no. i started when i was 10 by myself, without the use of a device, and she can do the same.

Yeah, come on, do it the old-fashioned way. None of these high tech gizmos--I wonder if there are any Waldorf-inspired toys of this nature.








But actually, I wouldn't want them to start out with the battery powered thing right away. An insertion object is a different thing.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Viola* 
Yeah, come on, do it the old-fashioned way. None of these high tech gizmos--I wonder if there are any Waldorf-inspired toys of this nature.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.

And yes, joking about sex and mastubation is a good thing. Babymomma told me once "The number one reason I am perfectly comfortable talking to my parents about sex is because joking about it was allowed when I was growing up."


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
And yes, joking about sex and masturbation is a good thing. Babymomma told me once "The number one reason I am perfectly comfortable talking to my parents about sex is because joking about it was allowed when I was growing up."

That's so great to hear, MusicianDad. I like knowing other households like mine (growing up, and now!) exist.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

MusicianDad said:


> We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
We have no problem with vibrators in this house. If DD wants to get one then she is perfectly allowed. If she wants Dh or I to take her to buy one, that's fine here. If she wants to go with a woman whom she trusts, that's fine too. Dh and I would be major hypocrites if we refused to let DD explore her sexuality with masurbation aids.


All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?

Probably not, but then again I know that vibrator type is a fairly personal preference and I doubt I will have any real clear idea about what would work for her.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
All fine and good. All at her request. Would you surprise her for 15th birthday with a dolphin shaped vibrator without a specific request?

I'm sitting with chfriend on this one. That gift would have been both unwelcome and unnecessary for me at 15 (I had it covered, thanks!). It seems that the op and her sister had had enough conversations for her to know that the gift was welcome, but I don't think it is a uniformly appropriate gift for a teen!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I approve and think it's nice that you and your sister have that kind of relationship. It's awesome for her that an adult is encouraging her to enjoy herself.

I don't know why, but I didn't 'masturbate' when I was a kid or a teen. At least, not to orgasm. No one told me not to, no church, my parents, no one. It just didn't happen. My mom was a sexually uptight person, though. My parents were not publicly affectionate.

I had no idea teen girls get vibrators! I guess it's fine, just a surprise to me. I cannot imagine in a hundred years that my daughter would ask me to take her to get a vibrator. I think she'd die first. She's not close enough to any other adult woman to ask that of, either.

I _do_ want her to 'own' her sexuality and enjoy it. I've been wondering if I should be proactive about this, and just provide her with some interesting books. I'll look into those books you mentioned, Littleteapot.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I had no idea teen girls get vibrators! I guess it's fine, just a surprise to me. I cannot imagine in a hundred years that my daughter would ask me to take her to get a vibrator. I think she'd die first.









I think most would before asking their mom. But friends and siblings are usually a different matter.
You can get "for my back but obviously not" vibes at drugstores and sometimes shops in the mall.


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## AbundantLife (Jun 4, 2005)

Wow, you're a cool big sister!

I would probably encourage my sons to buy their sex toys online -that way they are spared the embarrassment of having to buy one at the store.


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## mariamadly (Jul 28, 2009)

DH and I don't discuss private sexual history (either ours or theirs) with our DCs. They'd think it was so much more than they wanted to know! They would also feel it was intrusive if we got them condoms, toys, etc. All the way down the line, though, we've been open about issues, situations, humor, and make it a point to touch on the implications of something we see or hear. We've been responsive to anything they raised and the way they wanted to address things. We have been forthright about physical and emotional safety and exploitation and have tried to show reverence for the subject. Not a wait-til-you're-married reverence, but this is serious shit so use it to make your world as kind and fun as possible.

"Sick and perverted" would be if you violated her boundaries. If you're following HER cues, then it's healthy and respectful. If you're overriding her discomfort about discussing it with YOU, then that's out of line. But your OP is clear that your family has a really cheerful and honest handle on communicating, and your gift sounds like a meaningful way to express that.

Hope everyone's back is better soon.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

*I* think your a cool big sister, but it's obvious that not everyone is going to agree with you....and that's ok.
If it works between the two of you then ROCK ON!

I was an "only" and wish I'd had somebody to help out with these things since I was raised by a single father from a youngish age.

If you got the same type of "coming of age" kit when you were around her age then I'll assume that your a very open and humorous type of family.
Seems pretty appropirate in your case.

For others that would not fly in a million years!

Live and let live...if it works for ya'll, keep going.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

I don't have a big sister, but I'd like to think if I did, I'd have a big sister like you! I think it's awesome. I had the honor of buying my best friend her first vibrator, but I've never had one of my own.

I would like to think I'd have no problems buying my (future) teenage daughter a vibrator if she expressed an interest. I'd rather make sure she had something safe, and knew how to clean it, instead of those nasty painted cheap ones you can buy at Spencers and the like.


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## LVale (May 4, 2004)

I say yea, what a open minded big sister. I see nothing wrong with a little toy. I am so tired of the puritanical thinking of sex in this country. I say with young teens better masturbation, then an unwanted pregnancy. By the way I am 48. And we still have fun, oh and we are grandparents. Oh the horror of self- gratification! (LOL).!!!!!!


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