# I cannot believe what my kids did...



## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

My three eldest children (DS1-14 1/2 years, DD-12 1/2 years, and SS-11 years) shocked DH and I on Sunday morning. Here's the backstory:

DS2 (6 years old) has special needs and often has insomnia. Saturday night, he couldn't get to sleep. At 4 am, DH and I decided that DH would go downstairs and get a little sleep. I could stay home from church with DS and sleep in, but DH had to go. At 5 am, I had JUST gotten DS to sleep maybe 20 minutes earlier when DH turned on the light in the bedroom. He said, "The kids just came home."

Of course I was really confused, since I kissed all the kids good night at about 10 pm and they had gone to bed. He had to explain to me 4 times that the three kids had just walked in through the front door.









They had all piled into their beds. I think they didn't realize DH saw them, since he was in the dark living room and you don't walk through there to get from the front door to the stairs. I went into their bedrooms and turned on the lights and started asking what they were doing out there. First, "We heard a noise." Then, "We walked to the park." On and on, tiny bits of truth and lies. Eventually, we got this: my kids and about 6-8 other kids in the neighborhood sneaked out of their houses around 2:30 to meet at the park. My kids were gone for _*2 1/2 hours*_ in the wee hours of the morning and we had no idea! It wasn't the first time, either. And there were some much older kids (16-17) at the park, and here my SS just turned 11 this past week!

I was furious, of course, but more scared. Since we caught them coming home, I've had a hard time getting to sleep because all the "what ifs" keep running through my head. I'm pretty confident they didn't do anything except hang out at the park; I saw no evidence of any smoking or drinking (or smelled; I actually stuck my nose in their mouths to smell their breath), so thank goodness we caught them before that started!

DH and I called SS's mom and DS1 and DD's dad right away (we're a blended family) and had them come over at noon. Poor DH, he still had to go to church on no more than about 2 hours sleep, which was more like dozing since he was so scared. When the other parents came over, we discussed the consequences for their escapade. We collectively decided that this requires big consequences since it's such outrageously risky behavior. I was SOOO grateful, sitting at that table with my ex-husband and DH's ex-wife (and her live-in BF, too!) that we could agree on how to handle this!

So then DH went upstairs to tell the kids to get dressed and come downstairs. That must have been scary for them. When you're coming down the stairs, you can see straight into the dining room, so they must have felt like they were walking to the firing line. We took away all their cell phones and iPods, plus all TV, computer, and video game time, plus took away the keys to their bikes, locked up all the skateboards and scooters, etc. We gave them all an 8 pm bedtime, too. Really, we took away pretty much all their privileges and told them that summer vacation is over. They go back to school on 8/12, so that's when they can start earning some privileges back, though we won't just lift everything all at once. They're also doing chores in the house and yard during this grounding (do they still call it grounding?).

Thank goodness my DS couldn't sleep that night! If we'd been asleep, we never would have heard them. They have to walk past our bedroom to get to their own, but we keep it closed and our floors don't creak, plus DH's c-pap machine kind of drowns out noise. If we hadn't caught them, eventually it would have been cops knocking on the door either because they were caught out at that hour, or because they were hurt, or something else. I guess I'll have to adopt a new attitude about his insomnia, huh?

After our meeting, my ex-husband and I went around to the houses of the kids who were at the park (the kids we know) to tell the other parents. They were just as shocked as we were, although I know that at least one girl (who we don't know, and who's several years older than my eldest) had _permission_ from her parents! I can't even imagine that. Of course, I can't imagine that my kids (my good, kind, responsible (I thought!) kids) would make such a lousy decision!

Sorry to go on so long.







I guess I just needed to tell that story. It makes me long for the day when making a mess in the kitchen or calling me poopy-head was the worst thing any of my kids ever did!


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## *clementine* (Oct 15, 2004)

We're going throuh some very similar things this summer. (sorry, nursing the baby while I type.) i'm also coparenting/blended family with my ex and his wife. I was just telling dh today how grateful i am to have them around to help. My sister has a 14 yr old dd who ran away today. She called me and asked if I'd seen her. Then she said that she called my exhusband to see if my neice was there. He told her he'd drive around looking, and if he found her, he'd bring have her stay at his house until my sister could get her. I started cracking up and said "Isn't that weird that you call X and talk about parenting." Who'd have thought lol.
I love our set up too. It's a large blended family.


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## majikfaerie (Jul 24, 2006)

no advice really, I don't have teens.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

It sounds like this is something that is happening frequently in the neighbour - a recipe for disaster having young teens out so late. I would also contact the local police & let them know - they should at that point make more of an effort to monitor the park. Where we live (in Canada) most city parks have a curfew & anyone in them after hours is "out of bounds" so to speak. Not so much to get your kids into trouble but in an attempt to protect all the kids in the neighbourhood from themselves.

Sounds like you've dealt with admirably.


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## thirdeagle (Dec 22, 2007)

I'm glad you caught them. This brings me back to my college days when my parents caught my 14 yo sister sneaking out at night and going to bars. It was a harrowing time. They ended up sending her to an all girls boarding school in the middle of nowhere and she straightened up eventually. I'm glad all the parents were able to agree on consequences and I hope they learn a good lesson from this all.


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## Serendipity (Nov 12, 2005)

wow. maybe you guys could plan a middle of the night party with the kids? the adults could take turns supervising? it could be a lot of fun and kind of take away the mystery/excitement/thrill of sneaking out in the middle of the night.

glad they are all safe!


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

OOOOH!! How scary!

Their butts would have been awake at 6:00 a.m. Just in time to fall asleep, then I would have gotten them up, and made them go to church, THEN I'd have all the other family members there when they got home. And while the kids fixed lunch, the adults would have discussed how to properly make them wish they had made other choices.

At least they all went together. Three out is bad, but one out is probably a lot worse.

I kinda bet they think this little adventure was worth the punishment though.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
OOOOH!! How scary!

Their butts would have been awake at 6:00 a.m. Just in time to fall asleep, then I would have gotten them up, and made them go to church, THEN I'd have all the other family members there when they got home. And while the kids fixed lunch, the adults would have discussed how to properly make them wish they had made other choices.

At least they all went together. Three out is bad, but one out is probably a lot worse.

I kinda bet they think this little adventure was worth the punishment though.

Oh, we didn't let them go to sleep right away.







I had let them go to bed, but at about 5:30, I was pacing, way too upset to sleep. So I said to DH, "Nuts to this! If I can't sleep, neither can they!" So, my house has 3 toilets. I passed out old toothbrushes and got them started. At about 9 am, we fed them and let them go to bed for a few hours.

Yeah, I'm worried that they'll decide the punishment was worth it, too. Hopefully, if they pull enough weeds and scrub enough floors on hands and knees, they'll turn their thinking around. I hope, because holy cow, this could've been bad bad bad!


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

OMG -- you so make me fear the coming years (my oldest is just turning 9)!

You might also want to think about some preventative measures for the future. I agree with alerting the local police to monitor the park. I would also install door and window alarms in my home.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
OMG -- you so make me fear the coming years (my oldest is just turning 9)!

You might also want to think about some preventative measures for the future. I agree with alerting the local police to monitor the park. I would also install door and window alarms in my home.

Yeah, we have an alarm but something is wrong with it and it hasn't been working for a couple of months. We called the company and they're coming later in the week to get it working again. I hate that so much! It makes me feel like I'm living in a prison or something; not the alarm itself, but being unable to tell my own children the code.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Wow, that must have been terrifying!!! I definitely would have been majorly unhappy about this too.
I did want to add though, that as dangerous of a choice they made, they sound like normal teens. Try not to read too much into the behavior. I am sure they are not "bad" kids, just kind of thoughtless, as all teens are kind of prone to being.I am sure that seeing the adult caucus and then losing so many privelges instilled in them what a huge mistake they made and I am guessing it is not a mistake they will be likely to repeat ever again. Don't underestimate your mothering or anything like that either. Teenagers make really bad decisions some times, it is just part of growing up, KWIM?
When I was a teen I had a friend that was a bit more sophisticated tan I and she recommended we drive to hollywood ( we lived in southern san diego at the time) and hunt for some rock n roll hotties. Neither of us ever considered the consequences ( curfew violations, car accident or breaking down, getting attacked by some loony tune). We just thought, "cool, lets go meet Motley Crue!!!". FWIW, we both grew up to be very responsible women, lol!!!!


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 
Yeah, we have an alarm but something is wrong with it and it hasn't been working for a couple of months. We called the company and they're coming later in the week to get it working again. I hate that so much! It makes me feel like I'm living in a prison or something; not the alarm itself, but being unable to tell my own children the code.









Yeah, I would hate that feeling and hate the idea that it might be needed. But it would still be better than the feeling if they got out and got hurt! Either way its a yucky feeling.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I used to sneak out of my best friend's house from the time I was 14 until I was almost 16. Her dad knew we were sneaking out and once caught us coming back in at 5am through the bathroom window when he was getting ready to shower for work, lol. At that time we were having fun and hanging with friends in the neighborhood. I was not the wild type of kid either, I just did what my best friend did but I was safe (or so I thought I guess). But no matter what, I feel kids need consequences for their bad choices and actions. You didn't mention what you did? I hope you at least grounded them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thirdeagle* 
This brings me back to my college days when my parents caught my 14 yo sister sneaking out at night and going to bars. It was a harrowing time. They ended up sending her to an all girls boarding school in the middle of nowhere and she straightened up eventually.

We have an all girls academy in our town and the girls there were worse than the ones in public schools in the area. Go figure.







I had a guy friend that dated a girl there that had at least two abortions that he knew of and dated adult men.







She was sent to the school from out of state so her parents never knew anything she was doing. So they aren't always better, but the parents also have no idea what is going on once their kids are out of their house living elsewhere.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

What a scary thing. I think you've handled it incredibly well! *hugs*


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

Oh and...

P.S. This will turn into your kids' favorite story to tell at Thanksgiving able... "remember when we snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, and mum grounded us for life?... "


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## Rigama (Oct 18, 2005)

Holy guano, Batman! I have this deep fear of something happening to ds when I can protect him, and something like this would very well be enough to make me stop sleeping for the rest of my life.








to you.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I'm glad that all the parents were able to agree on how to handle this- that aspect alone could have resulted in a huge mess!


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

Oh, man! I hope they learn their lesson on this. I am also really thankful DH and I keep odd hours, especially DH. Good luck sneaking out of our house when we are still awake at 2:30. LOL


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## Angi (Jun 16, 2008)

Let me qualify my response with a couple of statements: I don't have children, teenagers or otherwise. I was that kid, and yes, I've apologized to my parents.

How are they getting out of the house? Do you know?
My dad installed some very inexpensive magnetic alarms on the door and window frames (I was getting out through a window at one point). The window frame ones were actually on the outside of the window, so I could not "turn them off" from the inside.

You can install them high up where the kids can't reach easily. When the magnets break contact there is a horrifying screeching noise. Trust me.







:

The kids will more then likely try it again, I'm sorry to say. But you can take a few preventive measures, like you are doing. You are fantastic! I think you handled it just right.

BTW - My parents and I added up all the "grounding" time that I SHOULD have served, had it been consecutive and not concurrent. I'm still grounded. I'm 38. I'm also a productive member of society.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

I don't understand what the toothbrush reference means. You made them brush their teeth at 5am? I don't get it. 'splain.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I don't understand what the toothbrush reference means. You made them brush their teeth at 5am? I don't get it. 'splain.


I think it meant that they got to do some good ol' hard labor by scrubbing toilets with some old toothbrushes.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

i started sneaking out with friends when i was 13 or 14... we would go to a park & hang out. there was a lot of pressure to do it from our friends.

it was soooooooo much fun.

playing at a park at 3 am is very different. Im sure they are still very good kids.

its unfair that the world is unsafe.

how many movies do you watch where kids sneak out to go swimming in a lake, etc.

I think this is a right of passage thing.

I would gave been so sick with worry over what ifs.

nak.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Thanks everyone! Your posts have made me feel much better.









Yes, they're very good kids. I was just posting in N&CE a few weeks ago about how one of my kids and his friends rescued another child from some bullies at the park (yes, the same park). They are kind and generous when their heads are screwed on straight. But of course they're normal kids who think nothing bad can ever happen to them, and the rules that we set are just there to ruin their fun!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Angi* 
How are they getting out of the house? Do you know?
My dad installed some very inexpensive magnetic alarms on the door and window frames (I was getting out through a window at one point). The window frame ones were actually on the outside of the window, so I could not "turn them off" from the inside.

You can install them high up where the kids can't reach easily. When the magnets break contact there is a horrifying screeching noise. Trust me.







:

The kids will more then likely try it again, I'm sorry to say. But you can take a few preventive measures, like you are doing. You are fantastic! I think you handled it just right.

BTW - My parents and I added up all the "grounding" time that I SHOULD have served, had it been consecutive and not concurrent. I'm still grounded. I'm 38. I'm also a productive member of society.









Yeah, they went right out the front door! That shocked me. Plus, they didn't even lock it behind them. I kinda got them with that - "What if someone broke in and hurt your baby brother?" and all that. They can't go easily out of their bedroom windows because all the bedrooms are on the second floor. They all have fire ladders, but they're all but impossible to climb UP, so getting back in would be a problem!

They have alarm boxes on their windows and if they try to mess with them, they'll just set the alarm off. It's an older alarm that makes a LOUD whooping siren sound that you can hear from a mile away, so no sleeping through that!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I don't understand what the toothbrush reference means. You made them brush their teeth at 5am? I don't get it. 'splain.

Nah. I made them clean the toilets with the toothbrushes. It was the worst (not abusive) thing I could think of in my exhausted, upset state.









Yeah, it has the makings of a holiday story in 10-20 years. I can see us busting a gut over remembering them in their jammies, scrubbing toilets in the early dawn light. They'll laugh at me, I'm sure, for saying "What were you thinking?" like, a thousand times!

Right now, though, it's not funny to them at all (though it already is, a little, to me). Course, they spent the day pulling weeds and scrubbing the floor in the sunroom, so no real room for humor yet!


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rigama* 
Holy guano, Batman! I have this deep fear of something happening to ds when I can protect him, and something like this would very well be enough to make me stop sleeping for the rest of my life.








to you.

Hiya, stranger!


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## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Well. I just went through this last week(see thread police call at 1 30 am ugh) thats me! Except police came to my house....well, I tell you what, I am so lucky I never had to sneak out..my dad had no rules for us growing up and I am a pretty darn good adult if I do say so myself.







My only thing is my son show the same respect for me as I do for him, I woul dnever leave the house without telling him where I am going, etc, so I expect him not to do it to me either.







Good luck on this teen journey!


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## nalo (Oct 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I don't understand what the toothbrush reference means. You made them brush their teeth at 5am? I don't get it. 'splain.

I think she meant each of them got to scrub a toilet with a toothbrush.


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulaMary* 
I think she meant each of them got to scrub a toilet with a toothbrush.









Really? What's the point? It's sound bacterial-y.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Yeah, I was that kid too. FYI, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ever let them 'camp out' in the back yard either. We lived in a tri-level and didn't have air conditioning. In the summer I would sleep in the family room because it was cooler.....and because the windows opened up right out the front yard without having to climb at all. You could just roll right on out of there.







:

I never got busted going out the windows, but I did get busted on the tent thing. Imagine my surprise when half way across town with a group of friends and one says to me, "Uh, dude. Your dad is behind you." They weren't joking. It was not pretty at all.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Sounds like they are learning a valuable lesson. Extra chores and no TV never killed anyone.

I think you handled it amazingly well, calling in the other parents and working out an agreement for punishments.


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

Two of my sibs were prone to climbing out the bedroom windows to meet up w/friends as teens. My bro. was just raising cain, but my sister had some pretty scary situations come up (think older guys), that she came through by the skin of her teeth. My parents found their shoeprints outside of their windows on the walls of the house-not too bright! They were both grounded for a long time. Yes we laugh about it now, but for my sister the events were actually pretty scary. Oh, and they are both very responsible parents now!


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## UUMom (Nov 14, 2002)

Ah! Ds says there is a Malcom in The Middle epsiode where one kid brushed the toilet bowl with another kids' toothbrush and then put it back in the holder for the kid to use. So make sure you throw them away! lol


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

I think every teen does this at one time or another. I know I did. Haven't caught mine doing it yet, but I have no doubt that they will. Not sure how dangerous it is if they are in a group as OP's kids were.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Ah! Ds says there is a Malcom in The Middle epsiode where one kid brushed the toilet bowl with another kids' toothbrush and then put it back in the holder for the kid to use. So make sure you throw them away! lol









Ewww!!! I think I'm a little nauseous!


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I am sorry you guys are going through this phase. I used to sneak out at night when I was 13-16, too. I wouldn't have gotten caught if my brother didn't nark me out.







(he blackmailed me, and I wouldn't cave into his demands) I turned out mostly ok, if it makes you feel better. I won't tell you what I was out doing, but there were no drugs or alcohol or anything illegal involved if it makes you feel better.

I am really glad all parents were able to get together and discuss it. That sounds like a great united front to come up with something together instead of finger wagging and playing the blame game and what not.


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## Rigama (Oct 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 
Hiya, stranger!



















You know, there's another way to look at this. Because you've done such a bang up job with the kids, they all snuck out _together_. That should count for something, at least.


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rigama* 









You know, there's another way to look at this. Because you've done such a bang up job with the kids, they all snuck out _together_. That should count for something, at least.









Yeah, this is what my dad said: "Hey, at least they're being sneaky rotten kids _together_. That's family devotion right there!" Then again, my dad has a smart ass comment for every occasion, so I come by it honest.









It's true, though. I'd be much, much more fearful about all this if any one of them had done it alone.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 







Yeah, this is what my dad said: "Hey, at least they're being sneaky rotten kids _together_. That's family devotion right there!" Then again, my dad has a smart ass comment for every occasion, so I come by it honest.









It's true, though. I'd be much, much more fearful about all this if any one of them had done it alone.

I think it IS good they did it together. I think it would keep them from doing anything really stupid, since they could nark each other out.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GooeyRN* 
I think it IS good they did it together. I think it would keep them from doing anything really stupid, since they could *nark* each other out.

I haven't heard "nark" since 1976!!!!!


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I haven't heard "nark" since 1976!!!!!









:


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## ebethmom (Jan 29, 2002)

It's great to hear that you have the support of all the parents.

I remember my younger brother's sneaking out story. He and his buddy both got caught! I can't recall how old he was, but I think he was a young teen. They snuck out and drank something like straight gin under a tree at a nearby park.

Now I need to call him and ask him to relive that episode (and the consequences!) all over again.


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

Did you ask them why they did it? Was it for a thrill? Was it to scare you.? I know you said no drugs/ alcohol was involved, but was there sex???

Just wondering..


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## Daniel's Kitty (Nov 18, 2006)

My friends use to sneak out to sit and talk. I lived far enough away that I didn't want to. I did go sit out on the patio for hours when my parents thought I was sleeping (I had to sit in my dark room if I was awake since the light under my door was bright enough to wake my parents) I still wouldn't tell my parents I did it, even though I still don't see that I did anything wrong.


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## rhubarbarin (May 2, 2008)

Okay, no offense to anyone, and I don't have kids yet.. but why is going out in the middle of the night (in the summer, it's not as though they'd be exhausted at school) such a big deal? If smoking or drinking were involved, I could understand consequences.. but there was no smoking or drinking.

Going out to meet your friends in the middle of the night just makes me think of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer (although come to think of it, they got themselves into trouble with their night prowling - witnessed a murdur!). Very much a right of passage.
Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.

I live a mile from the city limits of Philadelphia (for those of you that haven't heard-we have a terrible crime problem around here, with hundreds of people shot every year), in a good neighborhood but still with plenty of crime. When I was a teenager (and I lived in the city, in a worse neighborhood) I used to go out at night all the time. Not anywhere very public, but to the park to swing, to my friends house to talk, etc.. nothing bad ever happened to me. In fact I don't think I ever saw an adult. I still love to be out at night, it's so peaceful and quiet, and things look so different.


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## nora--not a llama (Feb 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
Really? What's the point? It's sound bacterial-y.











I think you did a great job handling everything, Momma. My oldest dd is 12, so I'm rather nervous for the years ahead.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Isn't there a curfew in most area's, meaning it is illegal for kids to be outside of a house without a guardian after certain area's? If it is illegal, there could be possible fines. Also, many parents don't sleep well themselves if they do not know that their kids are home/at a friends home/relatives home and safe. I don't think I could sleep if I was unsure of where my kids were at night. Nor do I want them waking me up to tell me where they are going. If it is summer, they have all day and evening to hang out with friends. Between midnight and 6am there really don't NEED to be out socializing if it may cost the legal guardians a fine or loss of sleep causing issues at their jobs.


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## wytchywoman (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhubarbarin* 
Okay, no offense to anyone, and I don't have kids yet.. but why is going out in the middle of the night (in the summer, it's not as though they'd be exhausted at school) such a big deal? If smoking or drinking were involved, I could understand consequences.. but there was no smoking or drinking.
.


For starters it is against the law. I don't even need to ask what city she is in to know that those kids violated curfew laws. Like it or not, curfew laws exist in any town and you can choose to have your kids obey the law or not.
i think the biggest issue here, aside from safety, is the sneaking part. They never bothered to ask ( as far as i can tell they didn't) if they could go, and any kid knows better than to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night without even asking permission or at letting someone know where they were going. The fact that they didn't request permission pretty much tells me that they had info that mom and dad probably wouldn't be cool with. I consider myself to be a relatively liberal mom, and even I wouldn't allow my sons to go out, middle of the night, bunch of kids, unsupervised. this smacks of a set up for some very poor judgement making. As a mom it's my job to set limits until I know my son is capable of making appropriate decisions by himself.


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## tayndrewsmama (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GooeyRN* 
Isn't there a curfew in most area's, meaning it is illegal for kids to be outside of a house without a guardian after certain area's? If it is illegal, there could be possible fines. Also, many parents don't sleep well themselves if they do not know that their kids are home/at a friends home/relatives home and safe. I don't think I could sleep if I was unsure of where my kids were at night. Nor do I want them waking me up to tell me where they are going. If it is summer, they have all day and evening to hang out with friends. Between midnight and 6am there really don't NEED to be out socializing if it may cost the legal guardians a fine or loss of sleep causing issues at their jobs.











I have to say that most of what we were doing at that time of night wasn't stuff we could pull off in the middle of the day. I won't lie. I was definitely into quite a bit of mischief. It was only illegal because of my age, most of the time.







Nothing like theft or damaging kind of stuff though.


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

I'm 20 so I guess this wasn't too long ago for me.
I snuck out at night, we just hung out outside and talked.
Its different at night, no adults watching you, not like we did anything wrong[besides the sneaking out].

Once my parents found out, [they over saw me talking to some one on line!] ugh.
They didn't really care, they just said behave, I didn't really 'sneak out' after that. Just hung out later in the yard.
In the summer all the neighborhood kids hung out till midnight-2am, it was summer, we usually sat in some ones yard/garage or the cul-de-sac.

This was only five years ago so its not like it was 'safer back then'
My daughter is only four months so we have a long ways to go. I dont think it will be a huge deal if there are no drugs/drinking etc. Mild punishment, repeated offenses are a different story. xD


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2mama* 
Did you ask them why they did it? Was it for a thrill? Was it to scare you.? I know you said no drugs/ alcohol was involved, but was there sex???

Just wondering..

No, I don't think there was any sex. I think they just got a charge out of doing something forbidden.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhubarbarin* 
Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.

Trust me on this: my kids are not living anything resembling a prison life. (Well, right now they kinda are, but not usually.







) They have the run of the neighborhood, high quality bikes, and bus passes. The deal is, though, that a parent must always know where they are.

It's not gonna be OK with me for my kids to be out running around from 3-5 am for a looong time. And yes, there is a curfew here, plus, the park is closed at 10 pm. I'm surprised that the cops didn't bring them home, and grateful to my toes that nothing bad happened to them.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rhubarbarin* 
Is it really so much more unsafe in the dark? I know there are a lot of what-ifs but I don't think kids need to be on lockdown until they are 18. It's not that much more dangerous now than it was 30 years ago.



In 1978, My friend and I "camped" in her backyard. We had money, and at about 1:00 a.m, we snuck out of the yard and walked to 7-11.

We cut across the international business college to get to the 7-11. In Phoenix, back then, there weren't a lot of people, so it never occurred to us, that we would run into anyone.

But, we did.

We disrupted a small group of homeless men sleeping in a circular garden that we walked through.

They waited for us to come back, and they must have assumed we wouldn't walk back the same way. So, they waited along the fence for us. I got away, and ran into the neighborhood and tried to ring doorbells, but nobody came to the doors. (this was before 911 and cell phones) I went back and found my friend. She was walking down the road alone, but crying, and had scrapes on her arms and knees. She said she got away, but I don't know if that is true. I just said "O.K" and we walked home and never told anybody.

But, we never did that again.


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## OhDang (Jan 30, 2008)

I don't have a teenager, but i do nanny a 10 year old and I was a teenager not too long ago..heck I am 19.

I snuck out to the park that young too. We didn't do anything bad, we ran through the sprinklers that were on and just hung out. it was sooo much fun. The rush is just so much fun.
Im sure they are still great kids. It's probably going to be a fun memory for the rest of their lives for them even though they got in trouble.

Unfortunatly, it is going to happen. It just is. I highly doubt there is any one person that isn't going to try to do something, even if it's as innocent as going to the park at night, behind their parents back.
You just have to make sure they have a good head on their shoulders, and not going to give into peer pressure. Especially if there were 16-17 year olds there. That is the part that scared me the most.


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## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

I used to sneak out all.the.time, and drag my little sisters and friends along with me. It was just fun. I honestly did not see any danger or badness, I just found it so exciting to be walking around in the middle of the night. Such an adventure. I wasn't caught... until one day I did it when I was 12, and my parents were away overnight and I walked around downtown instead of by the river and the police caught us. ANyway, all we did was "go around" and feel adventurous, no drinking, vandalism etc.


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## rabrog (Dec 20, 2005)

Getting the alarm fixed and not giving them the code is the darn right thing to do. I did some pretty stupid stuff in my teen years...really shouldn't be here but for the grace of God. I know it might not feel good to not give your kids the code, but you'll know where they're at.

You handled it very well, IMHO.

Jenn


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## mamahart (Sep 25, 2007)

Well, when you get to the part where you start giving them GOOD ideas about whats fun- y'know other than wandering the streets in the middle of the night- just encourage them to stick together and be there for each other. I was very close with my cousins and we all had different versions of "fun" and the wiser among us were always protective of the the others. We got each other out of some tight jams, and went to our parents a few times when it felt like one of my cousins was in danger. Family is just a great safety net in those wild times.
It would be very generous and compassionate to plan a late night party for them once they regain thier privileges. There is something magical about 2 or 3 in the morning...But y'know I'm being pretty kid centered here...just thinking.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

I started sneaking out at a young age and continued until I was almost 17. Some of it was just fun and really innocent, and sadly, some of it was not







I never had the experience of getting caught. If my parents knew about it, they never addressed it. I suspect they might have known I was leaving but since I always came home and never seemed to have anything really bad going on, decided to let it go. Appearances can be deceiving. I could have benefited from more guidance.

I think it's a good sign that your kids went out together. I also think it's nice they were caught, and that you let them know that it is not ok with you and that you take it very seriously. Good love and limits.

We live in a cul-de-sac and the neighbors across the street have teens. They have friends over and hang out in the cul-de-sac until around 2 am many nights during the summer. We don't mind at all. They are not overly noisy. They usually stop the loud activities (like the skateboard ramp or basketball) by about 10:30 or so and spend the rest of the time just hanging out and talking. We think it's great they have a place to hang out where the parents are home, nothing dangerous or illegal is taking place, and they have the freedom to enjoy being out late in a safe way.


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## Hippie Mama in MI (Jan 15, 2008)

Yeah, my brotehr and I snuck out as kids too. Mostly doing dumb stuff like turning picnic tables upside down and throwing park swings up over the top bar so the kids wouldn't be able to reach them. We often tried to get alcohol but almost never had any luck (thank goodness it's so hard for kids to get booze, lol). The worst thing we ever did was steal a park canoe (there for drowning emergencies) and take it across a lake.

However, we lived in a very rural area (population 8,000). In a city you could definitely get into a lot more trouble.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 

Trust me on this: my kids are not living anything resembling a prison life. (Well, right now they kinda are, but not usually.







) They have the run of the neighborhood, high quality bikes, and bus passes. *The deal is, though, that a parent must always know where they are.*

*It's not gonna be OK with me for my kids to be out running around from 3-5 am for a looong time*. And yes, there is a curfew here, plus, the park is closed at 10 pm. I'm surprised that the cops didn't bring them home, and grateful to my toes that nothing bad happened to them.

It would not be ok for my 14yr old either and I am as lenient as they come. I look at it as a matter of common courtesy that we live together and let each other know where we are. When I go out, the others know where I am and who I am with. Same goes all the way around. Details can be left out as needed but not where you are and when you will be back. Because part of being in a family is caring for each other, it makes sense to honor that care by letting them know what's up. IMO- it's not fair to scare the crap out of someone who loves you (and vise versa) like that.


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## sweetpeppers (Dec 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *granolapunk* 
wow. maybe you guys could plan a middle of the night party with the kids? the adults could take turns supervising? it could be a lot of fun and kind of take away the mystery/excitement/thrill of sneaking out in the middle of the night.

glad they are all safe!

Good idea. We used to sneak out all the time in the summer when we were kids. It was no big deal. It was just fun. Maybe you could talk to them about your concerns and why it's dangerous.


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## AlmightyIsis (Jul 24, 2008)

I started sneaking out at 14 (drinking started at 12). I'm glad you care enough about your kids to give them consequences. I think the saddest thing is the loss of a sense of trust. They have to understand that they'll have to earn your trust back. Also, my main M.O. was doing the ol' "i'm spending the night at J's house" and she'd tell her parents she was spending the night at mine.

Good luck!


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

Did that ALL the time. Neither parent would ever bother to check in with the other. We were up to serious no good, and once we were driving age and had vehicles to use, it was REALLY out of control. It makes my hair stand on end now to think about it. I feel fortunate to have got through it all with nothing horrible happening. Not everyone I was acquainted with then was so lucky









Parental intervention and guidance would have gone a long way. The other kids I was doing this stuff with.....we all had pretty much total freedom. Our parents weren't involved much in our lives, weren't asking questions, weren't checking up, etc. At the time I didn't find that alarming. Now, I do, very much so. Just like the public service thing on TV says, it really matters to ask who, where, what, when, and follow up. Kids may not like it at the time, but on some level they will understand that you love them and care what happens to them.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AlmightyIsis* 
Also, my main M.O. was doing the ol' "i'm spending the night at J's house" and she'd tell her parents she was spending the night at mine.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

side note:

My brother and I had permission to go out at jr high level so long as my mom had the opportunity to say 'no'.

We never abused the privilage and we were only allowed to do it if it was a planned event like 'night capture the flag'

We never checked if other kids had permission but the age range was 13-20 who would go out and play.

If we ever snuck out what you did to your kids is about what my parents did to us, so we never(rarely) risked it but my mom would rather KNOW where we were than to not know, and she wanted us to trust her and let us know we could always tell her.

Food for thought.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I'd forgotten all about this, but the memory came flooding back. When I stayed at my friend's we used to go for midnight hikes. It was really fun, and it never occurred to me that it was either dangerous or really forbidden. We just did it.

We were 'good' kids. It was no more than adventure and fun. I don't know what would have happened if we'd been 'caught', but I'd have been stunned to have been really punished. (I can't recall ever being 'grounded' - I don't think the concept even entered my parents' heads.)

I didn't know that people ever did stuff like make their kids clean toilets with toothbrushes until I saw that on a programme on TV about a family disciplining sextuplets. The thought makes me queasy. Maybe it's cultural and not as shocking to Americans, but I'd never, ever do that to my kids. I'm not trying to be mean, but just wondering how the kids felt being made to do this. I imagine that as a teenager I'd have just seethed with resentment, not seen the light about how foolish I'd maybe been.

I'm not saying that these japes are a good idea, but personally, I"d not go overboard on punishing. I'm not big on punishment anyway and don't think it works. If I were made to clean toilets with a toothbrush then had all my 'priviliges' taken away, I might not have gone on another midnight walk, but I'd sure as heck have felt angry. I wasn't a 'bad' kid, just maybe made a childish decision - because I was actually a child at the time. Isn't our job to gently guide our children and their job to make childish mistakes?

If I imagine my parents finding out about my midnight walks, the best thing to have made me stop and think about the dangers would have been to sit me down and seriously discuss what may happen if I was out late at night without anyone knowing where I was. Punishment would have just been counterproductive, certainly for me personally. Even if it stopped me doing the midnight adventures, it would have had the sad impact of making me angry and rebellious against my parents and would not have helped me feel trusted and understood.

My kids aren't old enough for this sort of jape yet, but when it comes to it, I plan to problem solve with them. If it's adventure and late nights they want, I'd help them find a way to do it safely. Of course, how you do this will depend upon where you live, but I don't think when I went out at night I was in any real serious danger.

I'm sure your kids are great kids and that your style of discipline is different to mine. I'm not being snarky, just sharing a different perspective on what might have the desired effect upon children who do things like go out on late night adventures.


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## Klynne (Jan 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 
Yeah, I'm worried that they'll decide the punishment was worth it, too. Hopefully, if they pull enough weeds and scrub enough floors on hands and knees, they'll turn their thinking around. I hope, because holy cow, this could've been bad bad bad!

So what is the punishment worth if they think (after the punishment) that sneaking out was woth it and they want to do it again?

Did the oldest (or all of them) know that there are creepy people around late at night that have no problems taking and-or abusing kids? Or, that they are not allowed out of the house after bedtime? Like you guys had some type of "stay in the house after dark" understanding with them? If not I think the grounding that they are under is really severe.

Don't get me wrong, I totally agree that sneaking out at night is a recipie for trouble. Our children will not be allowed to traips around in the park at night, I and dh would be very scared. But I would rather sit them down and explain to her exactly why I was so scared (ie, bad people abusing them, us not knowing where they are and not being able to help ...) after the first time of us finding out. I figure if they are old enough to sneak out of the house, they]re old enough to get a lesson in some ugly things that happen late in the night. THEN if they chose to do it again dh and I would be very sharp in our punishment.

I started a conversation with dh about this scenario after reading your post and we agree that we would talk very openly with our kids about such bad decisions, using the opportunity to teach them _why_ is was a bad decision. Of course they are just thinking fun and nothing about danger, that's why they chose to do it. I would assume their consciences told them to some degree that they were doing something that wasn't right, but because of there innocence they chose not to listen to it (?).

Thanks for sharing this cause it gets all of us with younger kids thinking!!

Oh, and I agree with other posters that maybe some late night outings are in order!


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I snuck out almost nightly from the age of 14-15. Usually during the week I was meeting my boyfriend and yes we were having sex. On weekends it was usually with friends and we were doing acid , drinking and or smoking pot.
Nothing bad happened but it certaintly could have. I shudder thinking about what could have happened. My parents would have flipped had they found out but they weren't involved in my life and frankly didn 't care as long as I didn't cause trouble or bother them.
I guess I would be a little bit relieved they were all together. I used to walk alone to my boyfriend's house and it wasn't all that close to mine. I had a near bad situation happen but luckly there were work men out already and creep sped off.

I will not be okay with my kids sneaking out. It's dangerous and I will be open with my kids about that. If they are caught sneaking out I will punish them, it's just too risky in my opinion to let it slide.
I am willing to plan somekind of middle of the night adventure for them though.


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## Katrinawitch (Jan 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UUMom* 
I don't understand what the toothbrush reference means. You made them brush their teeth at 5am? I don't get it. 'splain.

I think she means she made them clean the bathroom with the old toothbrushes, a-la bootcamp! LOL!

Uptownzoo, kudos to you and the rest of the adults for handling this in such a rational manner! I think you handled it just perfectly. I'm sure they'll definitely think twice before even attempting to attempt to try something like that again! How scary!

Then again, I remember doing similar things when I was in my early high school years. Not as young as 11, though!


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## caspian's mama (Mar 15, 2004)

my friends joke that i was grounded from 7th grade until i graduated from high school. they were pretty much right, though. no tv, no phone, no friends, blah, blah, blah. and it was usually for "not good enough" grades, not for being a delinquent badass (because i wasn't even close). all it did was make me constantly loathe my parents and look for more ways to escape. (fyi, all i did then was hang out and occasionally smoke tobacco- no drugs, booze, thievery, vandalism, or sex.)

and, yeah, now that i think about it, the toothbrush thing is pretty extreme. OP, you seem to recognize it was kind of a silly thing you did in the heat of the moment, but do your kids understand that or are they silently resenting you right now and planning their next caper?

fwiw, not every town has a curfew. if ours did, i'm one of those people who'd rally against it if my kid was old enough to be affected. i don't believe in the state making parenting rules. i also think it's horribly demeaning for a 17yo to be subject to arrest for being out past 10pm, in addition to all the other second-class citizen type of crap teens have to deal with.

just my 2 cents...


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

The controversy here at MDC has now officially outlasted the kids' punishment.









I'm going to answer a few things, but first I want to say this: I love and adore my children beyond measure. If I overreacted at all, it's because I was so terrified right after they came home. For 3 nights after this happened, I barely slept thinking about all that could have happened to them. Rational? Not entirely, though part of the fear is the same instinct that made me run to pick them up when they were babies.

We had several conversations with our kids, both as a group and one-on-one, about why they did this, and what the consequences could have been. My kids absolutely knew that this was not an OK thing to do. They were under no illusions that this was something that we would have given them permission to do.

As for late-night parties, my house has frequently been the place for those. They don't lack for opportunities to hang out all night. Most of our kids' parents love DP and I because we're willing to do that, and it's true that I get almost no sleep on those nights. So as far as this being a way for them to meet needs that they couldn't meet some other way... I don't buy it. They got a thrill out of getting away with something a little bit scary.

My kids are wonderful people, but NEVER underestimate the power of an adolescent hormone soup feast to turn them inside out and upside down! Sometimes they're almost unrecognizable as the people I've lived with all these years.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 
My kids are wonderful people, *but NEVER underestimate the power of an adolescent hormone soup feast to turn them inside out and upside down!* Sometimes they're almost unrecognizable as the people I've lived with all these years.

My son is 16 and while he has never snuck out, I do agree that the hormones can turn them upside down. I was just talking with dh today about ds and how for the first time ever, I find myself getting annoyed with the teen attitudes and overall ds doesn't give us too much grief. Yet its still the way they just switch on and off.

I read the thread and honestly, I can't say what I would do in that situation, I suspect knowing my temper and my ex-dh (ds's son) it probably would not have been anything as organized as what you did.

Shay


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

Edit - Oops missed a couple pages!


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## jellybellyxoxo (Jul 3, 2008)

This scares me kind of. My oldest DD is turning 13 soon and she has a BF already and such. Not that I'd expect her to do this, but you never know.. The worst she's done is have a sleepover and when DH and I were sleeping, went outside and were running around the yard, putting mentos candy in soda to make it explode, role soda cans down the street, and shaving cream... they could have gone somewhere else.. scares me... though it was funny to look at the mess outside the next morning







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## Stephanie29 (Jun 29, 2004)

I have not read all the replies, but I just wanted to say that I think you and all the dh's and ex's handled it really really well...now, just FOLLOW THRU on the punishments and making them earn back their stuff/privilages!!

Also, I was that teen too.
I snuck out to go drinking with some boys several times.
I also snuck my boyfriend IN to my room for some hanky panky time.
So yah, the alarms on windows is a GOOD idea.
I've since confessed to my parents, and they were/are shocked.
Had NO CLUE!
And now, I am MARRIED to that boyfriend who I used to sneak in. 12 years now.

Anyhoo, bravo to you for actually PARENTING your teens!!!!!


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## DoingDoing:Julie (May 8, 2008)

Hate to say it ladies, but I disagree with most of you. I hope you welcome a fresh perspective. My experience is based on my own, since I am only barely 20. I was a "perfect" kid in my parents eyes but still probably would have leapt at the chance to peruse the streats at night atleast once. I actually was a pretty straight edge kid. Infact my 2 younger siblings and I went with some kids around 11:00 or 12:00 one night. We basically walked down the streat, got all freaked out, headed for the local gas station (which was closed) to look for ice cream, and then walked back. Yea, a bad guy could have jumped out of no where and kidnapped or murdered us . . . but we were a pretty good sized group of 6 or so . . . ANYWAYS ! My parents never found out, and we never did it again. We did lots of crazy things like co-ed dressing in afterschool theater and choir/band performances. This gave us teens a HUGE thrill. I know if my parents had found out, they would have grounded us for ever, taken away privilages, and yelled at us for a VERY long time (they liked to scream) and I basically would have hated them for it, and wouldnt have even felt guilty because I would be upset that they overreacted about a silly little thing (yes, silly little thing) when I was so clean cut everywhere else! I probably, quite honestly, would have done it again SIMPLY because they freaked at us. Or I would have found something else to do secretly without them knowing to make up for how controlled I was at that point.
I honestly think the best thing to do is to talk about it! Not in a "I"m so mad at you, dont you know how dangerous this is, never do it again or i'll loose all my sleep and explode like a volcano!!!!!!!!!!" I mean just talk about the experience! Probably alot of exciting things happened that night that they would LOVE to tell you about if you only would listen without interupting with warnings of danger and your anger and disaproval. After they've thouroughly told you all about their thrilling adventure, what their friend said and did that was admirable, the scary shadow by the tree, the streat lights that kept flickering, the angry dog that growled by the fence. Then is a good time to tell them that it sounds like a fun and crazy time, but there is a reason why the streets are empty and adults stay indoors at night! Have a conversation about why you dont feel uncomfortable with this particular type of adventure, and that you will have to disaprove of all future nightime adventures without a parent (term parent is key, because many of the kids were 17 probably 18 and are VERY proud of already being adults, or being nearly there). And probably add (without venting on your kids DANGER ZONE) that you were really scared when you realized that all this time you thought they were safe in their beds, and were scared because you were worried they would make dangerous choices while out, or someone would try and take advantage of them.
The fact is, moms, kids do a pretty okay job of monitering their own saftey. They arent perfect at it, but part of the way they learn is by guidance (not force) and by giving them enough space to explore their maturity. It is easy to be scared for our babys, and want to grizzly bear protect them!! Which in childhood is neccesary, and in teenagehood sort of overbearing!
In my opinion your discipline was EXTREMELY harsh. How did your kids respond to it? (i know this sort of happened a while ago)


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