# six weeks since my son died



## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

It's been a little over 6 weeks since our first child, Quinn, died at two days old. I had been feeling a bit better, with the shock wearing off a little, but then my sis-in-law had her baby last week. It is extremely hard, as the cousins would have been almost the same age. We looked forward to them being good buds. They live across the country, so I haven't seen the new babe except photos. The problem is that I can't bring myself to call her. I can't talk about her daughter, or her birth at all. The day she was born I was SO DEPRESSED. I want to be happy for them, but I'm only feeling sorry for myself. We want to TTC asap, but I haven't had a period yet. We are supposed to wait three months. I know I won't be completely o.k. once I am PG again, but I can't stand the thought of not having a baby for more than a year. Also the holidays are not helping much.


----------



## PortraitPixie (Apr 21, 2005)

Praying that you find some peace and more healing very soon...


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

: I am so sorry for your loss... Take all the time you need in facing your sister...you still need your time to mourn.

Feel free to talk about your Quinn any time you want--we're all here to listen. I am sure he was just beautiful!


----------



## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Bethany....I am so very sorry about your son Quinn.









Please feel free to post pictures of Quinn. There are alot of loving, wonderful mamas here who have also suffered a loss. I am sure that they would be willing to talk with you anytime.








: I am praying for your family...


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Thinking of you mama!!! Sending you lots of healing and gentleness....


----------



## Patti Ann (Dec 2, 2001)

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Quinn. Thinking of you and your family







We are here for you.

Patti


----------



## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

(((HUGS))) and love to you, mama. This time of year is so hard, not to mention other babies being born into the family. This happened to me as well. My cousin (we are very close) had a baby boy just 2 weeks before I had Reagan. I couldn't bring myself to call her but when I finally did, I felt so much better. She was really having a hard time w/Reagan's death (she felt extremely guilty that she had a healthy baby and I didn't) and I think it both did us a world of good to talk.

I wish you peace, mama. It does get easier.







s


----------



## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

bethany,
i am so sorry to read about the loss of your son. it is so upsetting when yet another wonderful baby leaves us all. the is a lot of support here, many women who are grieving their children in many different stages, so there is usually someone who knows exactly hohw you're feeling. i read your words and believe me, i felt the same thing- i think it is a very 'common' feeling, that desire to ttc another child after you have lost a baby. our daughter coral died a little over 8 months ago just hours before she was born. we were lucky to meet with a grief therapist who really encouraged us to feel all of the emotions, to not bury anything, and to accept the grieving process as a normal and healing thing. i hope you can do the same. i think the birth of your sil's baby would definately be a hard thing for you! it can be very hard for anyone who hasnt lost a child to know what you are feeling, and that just adds to the loneliness and loss. i hope you have some good support around you, and you can always come hear to talk about how you're feeling, or just to read, or to talk about your son- we all would love to listen. have you looked into any pregnancy/infant loss support groups in your area? personally i found that very helpful, because i felt very alone in the experience. i'm thinking of you, and i'm sorry you and your family have had this loss of your son, quinn. love, coralsmom


----------



## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am sorry you are going through this. My sister, step-sister and I were all pregnant and due within a month of each other. My baby died, theirs didn't. It has been a hard year as the babies grow and I am constantly reminded of what I don't have







but it does get a little easier, I am now able to hold and look at my nephew (He also lives across the country and that helps) but I was so upset when he was born.

Please feel free to share Quinn here, we are here to help you if you need









tara


----------



## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

I am so, so sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))


----------



## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other mamas about posting pics of Quinn here. It'll take forever to 'get over' it. You never will and don't let anyone tell you that you should. You will have other babies but they will not be Quinn...I'm hoping that you're crying alot and feeling the grief so you don't go crazy. It'll be okay. The pain will lessen, though this may be a tough holiday season for you. Don't feel bad about not wanting to look at SILs baby or talk to her for now, I'm sure she would understand (i would) Soon you'll be strong enough to handle it.

I've never lost a baby, but am close to some who did so i don't know how it feels, i can only imagine. ((hugs))


----------



## Boxerlove1 (Oct 11, 2005)

I know how you feel. Saturday will mark 6 weeks since my little Sebastian died. He too lived for 2 days. All I can think about is my son, and I want so desperately to be pregnant again. Sometimes, I can still feel him kick! It has occurred to me more than once to say hell with the doctors, I'm gonna get pregnant again right away, but then my rational mind comes back, and I realize that there are even more risks associated with ttc too soon after c-section. It's so hard, especially around the damn holidays - and in a society obsessed with youth and babies... well, you see where I'm going. The hardest for me has been to take care of myself, and my needs and putting others on the back-burner while I heal. I also took a little vacation for about a week, and it helped me clear my head immensely.

Things will never be the same, for any of us. But we must nurture ourselves at this time, and find support wherever you can. I have a cousin who had a baby girl about 2 weeks before I had Sebastian, and she has come to see me, but left the baby at home, as not to upset me. I thought this was very thoughtful of her. It seems like everywhere I look, there are babies, babies and more babies - was it like this before Sebastian died? I'm not sure - maybe I'm just more aware of it now.

Take care of yourself and know you are not alone.


----------



## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

BethanyB,
I am so sorry that you are hurting so much and missing your son. My husband's friend and his wife just had a baby and I am having an extremely difficult time with this; as happy as I am for them, I am miserable for our family. It has been nearly 7 weeks here since we have lost our Carrie. I am hoping that time will help bring us all some peace. The holidays are hard and it seems as pregnant people are everywhere -- in the stores, on t.v., in every book I read. Please know you are not alone
















Quinn


----------



## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your words of understanding. I have decided to email my sis-in -law. Sounds impersonal but it's better than nothing. She does understand how hard it is for us, and doesn't expect anything. And I am so happy for them, really. She is 38, and I just turned 32, so I have more time in terms of having babies, and I'm really glad things turned out ok for them. As far as seeing PG women everywhere right now, isn't that the truth! I try to feel happy about that and hope that I will be there again sometime soon.Thanks again everyone! -Bethany
P.S. There is an excellent book that a client gave me. She lost her husband to cancer in June, and has been doing "the grieving thing" also. It is called Tear Soup; A recipe for healing after loss, by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck Deklyen. It is designed as a children's book but great for any age. It really hit home and I cry whenever I read it.


----------



## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BethanyB*
P.S. There is an excellent book that a client gave me. She lost her husband to cancer in June, and has been doing "the grieving thing" also. It is called Tear Soup; A recipe for healing after loss, by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck Deklyen. It is designed as a children's book but great for any age. It really hit home and I cry whenever I read it.

I just found this a week or so ago at our library and it was great.


----------



## Barcino (Aug 25, 2004)

So sorry about your precious son. I lost mine almost two months ago after he lived in the NICU for a week. I cannot imagine dealing with another newborn in the family. I have a niece who is around 8 months and I cant see her - isnt that horrible? My two best friends were pregnant at the same time that I was and everybody has their babies but me... it is really hard. You need to do what YOU need to do. I think email is a wonderful alternative.
Take care of yourself and give yourself time. We are all here to listen and to help since we are going through similar experiences and we can understand to a certain degree what the others are going through.


----------

