# 13 month old sleep/nursing/cosleeping help



## globe-trotter (Feb 11, 2009)

My 13 month old is still waking up every 2 hrs (sometimes three) all night long, he is up for a just a couple minutes to nurse/suck. We co-sleep in the same bed with DH, which I think is why I have made it so long with the sleep interruptions








However after a year of this I'm starting to not enjoy nights. I'm not sure if the answer is to get him in a toddler bed (still same room), or night wean. My first thought is to night wean but I have no idea how to do that! My DH's first thought is out of bed (also because we are going to start TTC again here soon).
So any BTDT advice--- night wean or room share first? And HOW do I do it!


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## red and lulu (Oct 6, 2009)

no advice, only commiseration. we're in the same boat. we tried putting a mattress on the floor next to our bed and making that dd's "bed," but she just ended up crawling into bed with me and we would all sleep uncomfortably smooshed or dp would get down on the floor mattress. so we went back to family bed- i get a lot more sleep that way. i guess she just wasn't ready (and i don't know if i was either, honestly!)

interested to know what other people have done...


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## NEastMomma (Mar 4, 2010)

I'm in shock at your post b/c it is my situation EXACTLY! DS will be 13 mos 2weeks from today and yup, nursing every couple hours. I don't look at the clock, but he generally nurses 4 or 5 times/night.

We are at a point here where we're thinking of doing something about our cosleeping too. Since DS sleeps in the crib for his naps and starts out nights in his crib, we are thinking maybe night weaning will help him to stay in his crib more? We too would like to TTC, but I've not yet got my period. Am hoping night weaning will help with that too.

I perused Dr. Jay Gordon's book today at library, but didn't check it out. A search of mothering's archives on nightweaning or Jay Gordon method will explain his way pretty well.

I'm anxious to see what others reply, as I'll be taking the wise advice as well.

Goooood luck and keep us posted!


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## FreshJen (Sep 21, 2009)

Not much advice here either...same situation with my 16mo daughter

We've been trying night weaning, on it for 2 weeks now... Just went cold turkey, Explaining to her that we were "all done" nursing right now and that it is time to sleep. Sometimes she replies
"aaw dun ba ?" (Ba is her word for nurse) and collapses back on me to sleep, other times she struggles to find a way back to sleep. We did this once about a month ago, and it worked better then, definitely saw results, she was waking less often and easier to go back to sleep. Then she cut 2 new teeth, and I was desperate for some sleep, and the power of ba to quiet and soothe a sad girl was too strong to ignore, so we went back.
Not sure what to do.

I am again desperate for sleep. I cried for an hour this morning, scared that I couldn't continue like this for any longer. I used to be a pretty good sleeper. When DD wakes up, she is back to sleep in 10-20 minutes but I"m awake for an hour or more, and just as I start to drift off, she wakes again. Everything feels too hard to keep going without some sleep.


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## globe-trotter (Feb 11, 2009)

Well I'm glad I'm not alone at least








I tried one night of jay gordan and my son didn't like that at all! I ended up giving in because the fussying was turning into crying and even with holding him and giving him love I can't let him cry "for no reason".
One of my mommy friends suggest trying a bottle of water at night instead of boob, assuming then he will realize that mom's 24/7 diner is now a 7-11 store! LOL I think we will try that and see what it does. Having dad give it every other time also.


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## FreshJen (Sep 21, 2009)

After just over 2 weeks of what I described above, My darling daughter 16 mo, who never slept well at night...is now sleeping in 5 hour or more stretches!!! AND SO AM I!!! I AM SO GRATEFUL!!!

Something has clicked for her! Naps are better too!
Saturday night, to bed at 9pm awake at 3:30am, then nurse and back to sleep till 7am!!!...it took a long time for her to go to sleep, but she did it in a really nice way. Relaxed lying on her bed, being quiet with Mom and Dad on either side.
Sunday night: Asleep by 8:30 awake at 5AM nurse, then sleep till 7am Yahoo!
Monday night: Asleep by 8:30 awake at 3:30 and 5am, nurse, sleep till 6:30!
THIS IS A HUGE IMPROVEMENT FOR US!

What we've done:

We moved our cosleeping to a full size mattress in her room, go through our usual and sometimes lengthy bedtime routine. Story, nurse, let her romp around if needed, get quiet again. Nurse some more. Say our bedtime words, sing a song, sometimes to sleep, sometimes nurse more...say our sleep words again. Tell her time to sleep. Talk about baby doll sleeping...Say Mama Sleep, Daddy Sleep....etc...

Other things we did:
I had a friend who has learned light dream reiki do a distance session on her to help her sleep.
I begged god to help my child sleep.
I had a long heart to heart talk with my girl and explained to her that Mama needs to sleep and why. She really listened. I think she understood in her own way.
We offer her water at night. She asks to nurse and I say... "No all done ba, do you want some water?" Often this satisfies her and she collapses back to sleep. Now we don't have to offer water, she'll ask for it on her own if she wants it, or if she's just mad that she doesn't get to nurse. Its nice, I like that she understands that she can still ask for something and get it. I like that she is learning sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you get what you need...and sometimes it is a struggle to not get what you want or think you need, but I'm here for her through that, and I love her while she is figuring out the new deal. She does cry sometimes. She got really mad a few times the first few nights. I hold her, or I just practice listening to her if she doesn't want to be held, and am very close, we are in the same bed afterall... I try to be like a friend listening to her cries and talk. When it seems she's said what she needed to say, I'll ask her if she wants a song, and she'll chuckle/whimper and I sing and she'll settle down, or water...or I just say firmly but with love, time to sleep.

Any wake up which happened when the sky got to be light, 4am ish, I would grant her wish for nursing. This also helped me get a couple hours sleep. Which for some days was the most I got uninterrupted.

Husband and I would trade nights sleeping with her, so one of us could go get sleep alone in our bed....(I still woke up when I heard her most times, even with earplugs, mama has superhearing, but it was still beneficial to be "off duty"....

Saturday night I tried giving her a snack just before sleep as well, not that I felt she was hungry and thus waking every 45mins to 1.5 hours, but just b/c it was something else I could try....I haven't done this since, and she is still sleeping.

This was hard, but it was what we needed to do. And I am so relieved that it is working...so far....progress is so inspiring. It is good to feel that breakthroughs happen and that we are going to be okay afterall. Lack of sleep is SO Hard.....Job of Momma, and everything else, is so much easier with sleep. These were also steps that I truly felt were right for me and my daughter at this time. There were times I considered CIO...Mom and MIL both suggested it multiple times....and because I was so discouraged, but it never ever felt right. Not in line with the parent I want to be or what my girl needed. This above felt right, it was hard but it felt right and safe and respectful.

Good luck to all on your sleeping journey! Ours is continuing, but I had to share this first victory.
Jen


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## globe-trotter (Feb 11, 2009)

thanks jen for the advice!


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## penstamon (Nov 6, 2008)

Haha, 13mo, 2 week old here too and DH and I have been trying to figure out this same problem. Unfortunately we don't have the luxury of a 2nd bed yet, but we do have a crib sidecarred that we try to put DS back into with no luck. We are in the process of moving/selling our home so have no space currently for another bed. DH desperately wants DS night weaned and out of bed, but we haven't had much luck. I was going to post about our latest troubles separately.

Best of luck ladies! Hopefully more breakthroughs will occur...


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## Savvychic (Jun 21, 2012)

FreshJen - you sound like a fantastic mum and everything I aspire to.


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