# Why do people feel the need to do this?



## VeganMamaRed (Jun 7, 2007)

I took my six year old and 3 year old trick or treating tonight. My six year old, who is extremely sensitive but is usually pretty fearless, seemed intimidated by some of the spookier stuff that she has seen this year ie grim reapers and super freaky gruesome stuff. She was a little nervous that something would scare her but I was holding her hand so she was fine.

As we were walking up a driveway toward a fairly well-lit and cheerily decorated with pumkins house, we passed the one shadowy spot in the driveway. This ghoulish looking goblin animatronic thing popped out of the bushes right in front of her. I have NEVER in my life seen her so terrified. She let out this incredibly piercing scream that lasted for almost 30 seconds and started doing that panicky run in place thing and grabbing at me in a panic. I basically thrust the three year old at my sister (he had no idea what was going on and hadn't even seen the ghoulish thing) and snatched up my daughter and hurried back onto the road. She was crying and asking me to take her home. I spent a few minutes reassuring her and hugging her and calming her down. I assured her that she was safe and that while that was scary I was right there with her and it wasn't real and blah blah blah.

I did NOT want to end trick or treating on that note, for fear she would remember that and be scared to trick or treat next year. So I talked to her and calmed her enough to go on for a while more, always giving her control over which houses she felt comfortable approaching (usually ones that were fully lit and had other people already trick or treating at them). She did okay at this but retreated to the wagon that we had with us in between them. She was very quiet, for her. She usually talks non-stop. When we were a street over from where the spooky house was, we heard some little kid voice screaming hysterically from the area of that house. She wasn't the only one who wasn't amused.

We got back to my Dad's house (we were trick or treating in his neighborhood) and she poked through her candy. In our family, she trades in 90% of her candy to us in exchange for books of her choice. She is fine with this and looks forward to it. But the policy on Halloween night is that she can go a little nuts and eat a bunch of candy if she wants. She ate maybe two pieces of candy and then asked me to lay on the couch with her and read her a book. I did this. She was very not herself and when I asked her she said several times that she was tired (Important to know: she is usually part robot and is almost never tired. Usually she can go and go and go and she never appears to be sleepy. Ever.). I brought her home and we brushed her teeth and she fell asleep literally a minute after I put her to bed.

My thinking is that maybe she had a big adrenaline rush when she got scared and it made her feel a little nauseaus.

So my gripe is WHY do people feel the need to put out really scary decorations when they KNOW little kids are going to be out trick or treating?

I just hope she doesn't have nightmares.







:


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## bmcneal (Nov 12, 2006)

I don't know why people do that. (We don't do trick-or-treating anymore, but even last year, when we took DD, we never saw anything like that.)

I hope she doesn't have nightmares as well.







I don't know what to tell you except that I'm sorry your DD had to experience that, and I hope she gets back to her old self in the morning.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

Thats aweful! The scarest thing we have for Halloween is a Oogie Boogie candy dish which most kids think is really funny. If one looks scared we hand them the candy instead of having them take one.

I hope your DD doesn't have any bad dreams from this.


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

I think a lot of people who put up those things aren't thinking about the little kid aspect. They're usually thinking about the bigger kids and teens. At least, that's the case with my BIL. He has no kids and goes all out for Halloween. The thought that little kids might get scared doesn't even register for him.

I'm sorry your little one had a rough night.







My little guy did just fine until we walked up to the first house and he met the grim reaper. He turned around and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. I ended up carrying him to the rest of the houses.


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## birdie22 (Apr 1, 2005)

I would be tempted to go around to that house during the day and knock on the door. Explain what happened, and ask if they could explain to dc that it was just a toy, meant to be silly. Maybe even show it to her during the day, if you don't think that would scare her more.

Of course, most of the folks in our neighborhood are pretty friendly, so I wouldn't think twice about talking to them.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I'm sure people do it with good intentions, wanting to give a little scare to the people who appreciate such a thing on a night like Halloween. We love the scary houses with the motion-sensor things that scream or pop out to scare people, so I'd venture to guess that there are at least as many trick or treaters who enjoy the little scares as there are ones who don't.

I hope your daughter has recovered by now!


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## DeepLakeSwimmer (May 2, 2005)

Yep, I'm feeling a little put off by this kind of thing right now as well. The door to the first house we went to last night was opened by a man in a scary mask screaming! My daughter is also rather fearless but she's still only 3 and a half--really young! She went to maybe 10 more houses but was clingy and afraid the entire time. I mean really, if you're going to open your door acting like a serial killer maybe look out your peephole first and assess the situation? She was soooo excited for the trick or treating and my heart is just so sad for her right now.









Mindy


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VeganMamaRed* 
So my gripe is WHY do people feel the need to put out really scary decorations when they KNOW little kids are going to be out trick or treating?

I'm sorry your LO was so frightened.









But all my kids LOVE those things! Even the 2yo walked up to a hairy dangling spider with red eyes and howling skeleton and laughed, then watched for another few minutes entranced. Even my sensitive 4yo thought they were neat.
Maybe next year prep her about these pretend things that go along with Halloween? Read some books, go browsing the decorations aisle or visit a Halloween store. Let her see and touch those things unanimated. Do some Halloween crafts of some less scary looking "scary" stuff. Make some cute finger puppets and act stuff out.
I hope she has a better experience next year if you try it again.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Yeah.

With DS this year, it was a man in a very scary gorilla suit who answered the door with an enormous roar while beating his chest with his fists. My little man is not the bravest, but I've never seen a baby in such sheer utter panic before. And up until then, he'd been really enjoying himself and enjoying all the attention from people and stuff.

People just don't think. Or if they do think, they decide that kids have to learn how to "take it." I hate that attitude-- that it's somehow wrong to console kids who are frightened by something.


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

I hope your Dd is feeling better today - sorry she was so scared! In all fairness though, some people really love love love the scary funhouse aspect of Halloween and I don't think that someone has a responsibility to not enjoy the holiday in their own way on their own property. Yes, some trick or treaters may be coming by, but maybe so will their own family friends, who were actually invited, who really would get a kick out of a little scare. I think my two older kids would like it, and I'd probably have to comfort my son - he'd be a wreck! Some things are geared to different tastes.

What I'd do is make a mental note of what homes were over the top scary for your children, and then avoid them until your children are older.

I think letting your Dd control which houses to go to was an amazing idea! What a way to give her back her power. Great move, mama!








I'm sure that went a long way for her.


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## Jilian (Jun 16, 2003)

I don't get it either. We dealt with something similar when DS1's dad bought a life-size grim reaper skeleton thing that he hung at his door. It started 3 years ago when DS1 was 2 and he is still scared to death of the thing. He has nightmares every year for weeks about it yet his dad refuses to take it down







I don't know why people do scary stuff like that to kids.

And the people who think it is funny to jump out and scare kids...completely uncool!


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I'm sorry to read about so many young children getting scared.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

It seems like every year there's one house that scares DS more than the others -- last year it was a life-size green witch whose eyes lit up when DS got close, and this year it was a guy in a deranged clown outfit who yelled really loud and acted odd when DS got close.

I wasn't thrilled with either one, but I know how much fun some people have with the scary aspect of Halloween, so I can't really fault them for wanting to celebrate in their own way, and sometimes you can tell that the occupants of the houses with the scariest stuff worked the hardest on decorating and creating their ambience, so in a way I admire their hard work and passion.

Maybe a good technique for parents of really sensitive kids would be to hang back on the sidewalk and watch someone else go up to each house to see what happens before having their kids go up themselves -- in my neighborhood, there are enough trick-or-treaters out that you'd only have to wait a few seconds at each house to check out how the door is answered/whether there are scary pop-out things.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

They think it's funny. I just skip the houses that I think might scare my kids. A lot of people like the "fright" of Halloween so it's certainly not outside of the norm to do it. My girls wouldn't go near a house that had a goblin sitting by their porch as last year when they thought it was fake it was actually a real person who jumped up and scared them. The guy thought it was funny until a brave little boy whacked him with his sword. Sorry your LO's were scared.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I really despise the scary house nonsense. Children will laugh hysterically when completely and utterly terrified, and I think in many cases in our society very young children are TERRIFIED by loud toys and inappropriate images but their parents think it's fine because "they're laughing" when it's actually hysteria. I think it's part of the desensitization toward violence, pain, death, anger, destruction.

Honoring, respecting, and loving the dead and our ancestors is the point. Dressing up to commune with them now that they've moved on to another plane of existence, that is the point. Dressing up to highlight the difference between that day and other days of the year, that things are different today and we might get messages from those no longer corporeal, THAT is the point.

I always think: The veil is thinner and ghosts walk the earth tonight. People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad.

DD and DS and I went trick or treating to local businesses, just ones we know, to show off the costumes we made. We avoided stores with gory costumed figures and waited for children in inappropriate ones to leave before we went in. After the kids were asleep, I spoke to my grandmother and a few other spirits. I dug out out recipes for a special dinner in their honor tomorrow.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
The guy thought it was funny until a brave little boy whacked him with his sword. Sorry your LO's were scared.

I think that's totally appropriate. Good for the boy.

I have no problem with stand-in-line haunted houses, because people go there looking for a fear experience. Likewise, we have the big Greenwich Village Halloween parade every year. It's not for kids. What I dislike is the random trick or treater scaring though. When I was a kid, t-or-t was for CHILDREN. Teenagers and those who want a scare fest went to haunted houses and parties instead. If teens overly gored up came to the door when I was a teen passing out candy, I would open the door, say "You're already dead, you can't eat candy anyway" and shut the door.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad.

I think that's a really big leap to make, and your pity is misplaced. A lot of people just think it's fun to decorate and get dressed up. I know I don't have any spiritual feelings about Halloween -- it's just a fun day for me. I like decorating my house, and making my kids' costumes, and going from door to door, especially to see people's decorations.

Just like xmas, the day doesn't have religious significance to everyone who celebrates it.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

Honoring, respecting, and loving the dead and our ancestors is the point. Dressing up to commune with them now that they've moved on to another plane of existence, that is the point. Dressing up to highlight the difference between that day and other days of the year, that things are different today and we might get messages from those no longer corporeal, THAT is the point.
Maybe for some people. I think that for most people in our neighborhood the point is to get a bunch of free candy and stay up way past bedtime.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
I always think: The veil is thinner and ghosts walk the earth tonight. People who do big gore fest things are so terrified of real ghosts, their own grandparents, etc., that they go to these insane lengths to distract themselves. How utterly sad.

.


I think this is a big leap to make. My kids love the scary stuff, and told me in no uncertain terms that my scarecrows and pumpkins for outside the house just would.not.work for them this year. I let them go nuts with homemade scary stuf, and they did a great job. Although their craftwork is not good enough yet to really scare anyone, they tried hard. Even my 3 yo loves that stuff, even though he doesn't understand it. And I hardly think that any of my kids are terrified of real ghosts or their own grandparents. They are just people who like the scary aspects of Halloween.









I do think that if you are doing really frightening stuff, like jumping out on people, you need to employ a look-out who will let you know the age group of the kids approaching. Although, that said, my 3 yo was not the least bit afraid of a goblin who leapt out on us, nor a dracula who arose from his chair in the dark of the porch. So age doesn't mean much, it's more the temperament. My 3 yo had everyone in the store in hysterics when we got his costume (a bunny rabbit who is really a vampire.) He looked over all the vampire teeth, and was disappointed because there were no kids' vampire teeth 'with cherry juice' all over them. (ie blood). He wanted the yummy teeth, not the regular white ones.







We improvised by mushing some red candy into liquid, then dipping his vampire teeth into it before we left the house.









OP - Sorry your LO got scared. Maybe stand back next year and watch others approach houses that you are unsure of. Or just go trick or treating to people you know. That's what we used to do, before my older kids reached an age where they were brave enough to go out.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VeganMamaRed* 
I
So my gripe is WHY do people feel the need to put out really scary decorations when they KNOW little kids are going to be out trick or treating?

I just hope she doesn't have nightmares.







:


Because my teenager and his friends love it.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Awww, I'm sorry. That is the reason why we skip trick or treating all together and just go to a fall festival. If you are cool with attending them, they can be a great alternative.
This year we attended two, one at our church and one at a friends church. THere is a 'no scary costume' policy and there are a bunch of fun things to do, bounce houses, games, hay rides, ect. It's not 'churchy' at all, meaning there are no religious connotations. Best of all, both were totally free, and at the one at our church, there was a free buffet line and ice cream.







: The candy collecting is minimal as well, the kids get one piece for each game, so my 3.5 year old walked out with 6 pieces of candy. That way I don't feel guilty about hiding or restricting them from her.


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## Purple Cat (Jun 8, 2008)

I am so, so sorry -- and hope that your little one is able to regain her equilibrium and not let the incident color the fun of Halloween too much.

I have 3 year-old twins. We walked toward a house and saw a creature in a mask jump out at the kids in front of us. I was eternally grateful to the 12 year-old Bride of Dracula for yelling to the other costumed creatures that very little kids were approaching and warning them several times not to do anything. My guess is they had quite an elaborate production.

When the man jumped out, I told the twins that people think they are being really funny and think its fun to be scary on Halloween. That seemed to settle them. But I know if the element of surprise was there, like with your daughter, the story would be very different.

One has to wonder why people cannot use a little bit of judgment . . .


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:

Maybe for some people. I think that for most people in our neighborhood the point is to get a bunch of free candy and stay up way past bedtime.
Respectfully, a "give away candy and stay up late holiday" wouldn't have dressing up and death decorations at it's core. And anyway, if we all collect and give out candy, then how is it "free candy" really? At best it's a community trade.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I like decorating my house, and making my kids' costumes, and going from door to door, especially to see people's decorations.

Decorations which are all about what? Death, horror, or pain generally speaking. (Or they're generic fall decorations, pumpkins, leaves) "Scary" ones are to establish that you aren't afraid of death, to make light of it. Kids surely are not thinking along those lines, and that's as it should be, they're copying adults, but I think adults and teens ought to be more up front about what all those skeletons and ghosts and blood and grim reapers are really all about. You're either celebrating death or you're mocking it. Plastic coffins make me think it's the latter.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
Just like xmas, the day doesn't have religious significance to everyone who celebrates it.

And I think that's misplaced and terribly sad for both holidays.









Anything else I could say would be better placed in the Spirituality forum.


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:

You're either celebrating death or you're mocking it.
Huh?
Brain-eating zombies...ok...I do find that concept amusing, I admit. But the skeletons and whatnot? Don't you think there could be options other that celebrating or mocking? Like, acknowledging? Dramatizing? etc?

Quote:

And I think that's misplaced and terribly sad for both holidays.
You can have fun with holidays without believing in the superstitions. I promise.


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## FancyD (Apr 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamakay* 

You can have fun with holidays without believing in the superstitions. I promise.

















:


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

I am confused. Was it a cheerily lit house or a house with very scary decorations?

You should skip the houses that you think would be too scary but if it was misleading then that is in poor taste and you should skip that house from now on. Maybe drop an anonymous note?

Halloween isnt about little kids trick or treating. You are on the mom track but a lot of people celebrate it for what it is...a scary holiday.

I have ALWAYS thought of Halloween as an adult holiday.

I am so sorry your babe was scared.


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

It's hard. My dd (2) was pretty much scared as we walked around with her older brother, although she got a bit braver througout the night. Dh and I basically carried her the whole time. But she said she didn't want to go home.

Now my older stepson sat on the bench wearing a gas mask and fake chainsaw, being very very still until someone reached for the candy basket, at which point he'd scare them. But he only did this to bigger kids - he was careful not to scare the young ones.

My thinking is, know your child. With dd, we pretty much went to houses where people were sitting outside without costumes on, and when kids in scary costumes walked our way, I'd distract her. Lots of kids love to be scared, though, and that's part of the holiday.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

We all dressed up and trick or treated this year. We will again next year. I know most people don't celebrate Samhain. I just think it's patently ridiculous to claim that Halloween has no connection to death as people here seem to keep saying. Whether you "mean to" celebrate it or not, you're not having Christmas or Easter or Hanukah or Generic Candy Exchange in October. You're decorating with, talking about, focusing on, mocking, not mocking, acknowledging, whatever, death. There are sub-points of dressing up, communicating with strangers via trick or treat, getting candy.

That said, I'm not afraid of death and I think the overemphasis on "scary" elements bespeaks a cultural or societal fear of death. Whether you individually intend to communicate that or not.


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
We all dressed up and trick or treated this year. We will again next year. I know most people don't celebrate Samhain. I just think it's patently ridiculous to claim that Halloween has no connection to death as people here seem to keep saying. Whether you "mean to" celebrate it or not, you're not having Christmas or Easter or Hanukah or Generic Candy Exchange in October. You're decorating with, talking about, focusing on, mocking, not mocking, acknowledging, whatever, death. There are sub-points of dressing up, communicating with strangers via trick or treat, getting candy.

That said, I'm not afraid of death and I think the overemphasis on "scary" elements bespeaks a cultural or societal fear of death. Whether you individually intend to communicate that or not.

I have no idea what "Samhain" is, but "_Halloween_" is about:

(in no particular order)

Dressing up
Scary stuff (ALL scary stuff, from monsters to death to fictional characters)
Candy
Pumpkins
And it's a lot of fun.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Dd is 2.5, and we decided to do just a couple of blocks of trick-or-treating. There isn't a lot of scary stuff in our neighborhood--it's mostly families with young kids, and most houses just had lots of jack-o-lanterns, cobwebs, stuff like that.

We went trick or treating VERY early--around 5:45, while it was still light out (we didn't see anyone else out until closer to 7). We were the first trick or treaters in the neighborhood. Some people weren't home yet, but I think it made the experience pretty easy on dd--it wasn't dark, people knew that anyone coming around that early was pretty young, and the more elaborate, scary-type decorations weren't up yet (for instance, by the time we were heading home, I noticed that one guy had started playing creepy music, but it wasn't set up when we stopped by his house). OP, I wonder if taking your sensitive dd on the early side next year would help? If it was still light out, I think that might make a big difference.

And for the record: I'm Jewish, and I LOVE Christmas--I assure you that any celebrating I do has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity. Holidays evolve. Christmas is both a secular and religious holiday in this country. Many of the traditions, like the tree, used to be pagan--but I think the vast majority of religious Christians who set up Christmas trees do not view themselves as taking part in pagan rituals. For us, Halloween is about dressing up, chatting with our neighbors, and eating junky food. And that's pretty much it. No need to pity us. We enjoy holidays very much.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Samhain is what Halloween grew out of. It's a celebration to honor the dead, particularly ancestors who have passed on. That is why you have skeletons, corpses, ghosts as Halloween decorations.

And OP, I'm sorry I've run off with your thread. My short answer to your why question is I think they do it because they think it's fun to terrify others unfortunately. There are rude people everywhere. There are definitely kid and family friendly venues though, even just going trick or treating only to houses of families you know, and maybe even earlier than the usual time. Or kid parties, church parties, our local zoo does something great the weekend before.


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## FancyD (Apr 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 

That said, I'm not afraid of death and I think the overemphasis on "scary" elements bespeaks a *cultural or societal fear of death*. Whether you individually intend to communicate that or not.


well, heck yes people are afraid of death. many, many, many people fear and are in awe of death.


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## mamakay (Apr 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FancyD* 
well, heck yes people are afraid of death. many, many, many people fear and are in awe of death.

Yeah, that probably has something to do with the whole "survival instinct" thing...


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
Decorations which are all about what? Death, horror, or pain generally speaking. (Or they're generic fall decorations, pumpkins, leaves) "Scary" ones are to establish that you aren't afraid of death, to make light of it. Kids surely are not thinking along those lines, and that's as it should be, they're copying adults, but I think adults and teens ought to be more up front about what all those skeletons and ghosts and blood and grim reapers are really all about. You're either celebrating death or you're mocking it. Plastic coffins make me think it's the latter.

I wouldn't classify us as doing either -- mocking or celebrating (surely NOT celebrating as death is the end of being alive and enjoying the world). We just like decorating and the people I know who go all out with the scary stuff do it because they want to give their friends/neighbors a fun time. It's just like watching a horror movie -- it's fun to be scared sometimes.

P.S. We don't have plastic coffins. We have styrofoam headstones.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamakay* 
You can have fun with holidays without believing in the superstitions. I promise.









Seriously.


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## DBZ (Aug 9, 2005)

I wish everyone was like my friend. They look and see who was coming. If there were young ones they were greeted by Waldo (Where's Waldo?) and if they were all older the dead looking queen greeted them. I thought that was a great tactic. I'm glad we didn't hit any scary houses that would've freaked out my 3 yo.


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

^^that IS a great way to do it.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I personally don't think its the images that are scary for children - its the suddeness/loudness of something that is scary for those sensitive ones. My DS is very sensitive so I know how you feel - Halloween is not that big a thing here though (in the UK) - We go all out, but I never have anything 'goulish' out (just lots of pumpkins, lights, spiderwebs hehe).
I could show my son a million pictures of 'scary' things (to an adult mind) and he would be fine with them. But if a person dressed up as a flower jumped out at him or suddenly made a loud noise, then yeah...he would be pretty frightened as well! So...I dont really have a problem with people who do go all out with all the 'spooky' stuff - thats up to them and usually the adults and older children really enjoy it - But if it is somethign thats going to make a loud noise or sudden movement, then we usually skip those scenes.


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## Jemmind (Nov 13, 2007)

My son's too little to go up to people's doors, just a little over 2. Last year he was a cowboy, this year he was a farmer. Both years we took him to the mall and he did the trick or treating there. I know his temperment and him+dark+strangers+scary things would not mix well. I'll keep taking him (and his sister, when she goes) to the mall, or other community thing, until they are old enough and are able to handle the scary stuff going house to house.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

that's terrible! it also pisses me off. one house in our neighborhood had cloaked scream creatures crawling out from under vehicles to grab you when you walked up the driveway. my five year old saw my eight year old get grabbed and refused to walk up to the garage where the people of the house were giving out candy. we were the only people there-they saw her frightened and not wanting to come up for candy-they didn't even offer her any, the jerks!


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

There's only one house in our neighborhood that goes all out with the super scary stuff and I'm not sure they even did it this year. We didn't go over there 'cause it got chilly and the kids were ready to go home.

My take on this is the folks who do the really scary stuff either don't realize it will really terrify some young kids - maybe they don't have kids of their own, or their kids were into scary stuff at a young age, or their kids are teens/grown now and they've forgotten what it was like when the kids were little - or like a PP suggested they think young kids need to learn to be tough about such things.

I think my advice for folks who want to do really gory/scary things (if they were to ask for my advice) would be to have some scary, but not horribly gory thing on obvious display to mark their house as _that kind_ of house and then they could have the jumping out at you stuff and would have sort of warned all passers-by that theirs is a scary house. Maybe even a "haunted house" sign, or something.

If you have a neigborhood newsletter or email list maybe you could post something next year asking for a heads up on which houses will be scary.


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## i*wish (May 4, 2004)

I didn't read all the replies but wanted to say I was a child who didn't like the 'scary' aspect of halloween... My neighborhood had a (pretty darn good) haunted house created by all the kids...It was annual and when I was too young to be involved I was taken there by my parents (we were a close neighborhood and all the kids and parents knew each other). We didn't get two feet into the 'haunted house' when it was evident that I was terrified. My neighbor (the parent) stopped all entrance to the house and got all the other visitors out and turned on all the lights and showed me that it was just my friends dressed up. I'm writing all this b/c it was immensely helpful to me...I still remember being terrified but I also remember how relieved I was when I learned the 'secret'. The next year I was part of the haunted house..I was the witche's black cat...still not too scary!
Maybe go to this neighbors house and ask if your child can see the 'monster' or whatever in the light of day? If you think there are still issues there...or maybe even if you don't. I think it's important to validate the fear they're feeling but also to show them how it's really not as scary as they feel...Like if we validate that they're scared witless then they'll believe that there was true danger there. I'm sorry, I'm not very articulate.
And one more thing...in our neighborhood they're were a few houses that went all out with scary music and lighting or whatever. When I first started trick or treating I would skip those houses...then later on I wanted that candy so bad that I saw it as a challenge to getting that candy...run up and take whatever scariness just to get that 'treat'. I was a candy junky.
It sounds like the house you're talking about didn't really let on that they were a 'scary house' and I think that was part of the problem...I would talk to the neighbor about that too...just to give them some perspective b/c I"m sure they didn't want to truly terrify anyone. Especially small children who have trouble differentiating real from imaginary/pretend.


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

We went to about 15 houses with our kids. There was a couple with spooky themes, we avoided them. We did go to a cheery house and was scared silly by a mat that squealed when you stepped on it. It was silly and we all had a good laugh.

I'm kind of the mind that some people are going to try and scare others on Halloween. Whether people like it or not, the secular part of the day does pertain a lot to death and gore and scary things. Just like Christmas has morphed into Santa Claus. That said, I enter into it with certain expectations and if it's not appropriate for my kids, I either avoid those instances or the whole thing altogether.

Maybe next year you might want to investigate a Halloween party. We had one with our mom's group for our preschoolers the day after, Lots of treats, games, costumes etc.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

The zoo has trick or treating that is more appropriate for 3-4 year olds.

Our downtown has trick-or-treating that is more appropiate for 3-4 year olds.

My feeling is that the night belongs to the older kids and the oldler kids generally like being scared.

And I have a sensitive 3 and a 4 year old. We did all of the above this year. But we're also atheist-leaning pagans who discuss death a lot. I did explain to my kids prior to leaving on the night ToTing that there would be "spookables" out and mom and and would protect them. The kids had a blast running back to us screaming and laughing which made all of us laugh.

I knew even my sensitive child was prepared. But if I had an iota of doubt, we'd have skipped the night ToTing. The night belongs to the older kids. I remember the best houses where I ToTed as a kid were decorated spookily. And they tended to give out the best candy. It was so exciting finding a house all decked out like that. You just knew you were going to get something good.


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## VeganMamaRed (Jun 7, 2007)

I agree with whoever said that it was the suddeness of it all, not so much the actual ghouly thing. She would have been ok with it if she saw it beforehand. Probably not thrilled, but ok. It was the fact that it jumped out at her in a dark spot at an otherwise well-lit and cheery house that did it. It could have been Minnie Mouse jumping out at her and she would have been frightened.

I know that people have a right to do what they want on their own property, but I do wish that they would acknowledge that Halloween does involve small children trick or treating and that having something pop out at them may be a bit much.


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## DeepLakeSwimmer (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VeganMamaRed* 
I agree with whoever said that it was the suddeness of it all, not so much the actual ghouly thing. She would have been ok with it if she saw it beforehand. Probably not thrilled, but ok. It was the fact that it jumped out at her in a dark spot at an otherwise well-lit and cheery house that did it. It could have been Minnie Mouse jumping out at her and she would have been frightened.

Right--exactly! Of COURSE we avoided the obviously scary houses; and completely acknowledged that people LOVE haunted houses and that they're an important part of many people's idea of celebrating Halloween. My irritation lies in the perfectly cheerful home who's door is suddenly opened by a screaming scary monster.

I guess next year we may choose to do the Harvest Party idea, or go back to our old neighborhood where this kind of thing didn't seem to happen so much...No biggie, my daughter seems over it and I hope all the other scared kiddos have recovered as well; just joining in the conversation to vent a little.

Mindy


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

We only went to one house like this. A man was dressed up and standing so still I thought he was a decoration at first. WE had advanced warning because a group of older kids when running, screaming and laughing from there. So I sent the older kids up first. But even my olders were ten and five, so the guy did NOT jump out at them.

Before halloween I had taken my littlest ones (five, three and one) to the halloween store to look around so my five year old felt very sophisticated knowing that most of these things werent real. She asked, about the guy, "mommy, is that a robot?"

But my one year old never let go of me and would not be put down to walk at all. THough he did learn quickly to stick out his bag and demand, "UH!"

I think my three year old got scared last year, when he was two by a house where kids were dressed up and jumped out at you,but when they saw him scared, they stopped and took off thier masks.

your problem was that a automated toy couldnt tell the diffrence and stop. Hmmm. Maybe they could have a scary path and a not scary path up to the door?

I also guess that they just didnt think about little kids. I am surprised how many dont think halloween is for kids. Growing up, halloweenis the one holiday that is ALL aobut kids!! Or for us anyway.

eta: I am also distrubrubed by the gore. I use to love to be scared, but nowadays haunted houses arent even scary, just gory. LIke movies. NO suspense, just gore. So I was disapointed and a bit disgusted at the halloween store this year. Less little floatingghosties and spiders, much more baby zombies eating body parts etc. And thats the other issue that bugs me a lot, why babies? I see a lot of horror depicted that way, baby vampires, baby zombies etc. Cute, chubby, eating your brains....I mean wth? Ok, sorry offtopic I know, but seriously, wth?


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I'm sure people do it with good intentions, wanting to give a little scare to the people who appreciate such a thing on a night like Halloween. We love the scary houses with the motion-sensor things that scream or pop out to scare people, so I'd venture to guess that there are at least as many trick or treaters who enjoy the little scares as there are ones who don't.

I hope your daughter has recovered by now!

Yep, my daughter LOVES stuff like that...me personally, they still terrify me...but yea, I think there as many kids who LOVE it as who are terrified by it.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i agree with pps who said there should be NO FALSE ADVERTISING. if your house looks nice and well lit and normal don't go scaring the bejeezes out of people. and if you are going to do that with a nice cheery house stick a poster board with p-13 or something on your mail box

the scary stuff is great its on of my favorite parts of halloween but really... warn people if you intend to scare the crap out of them. oh and i don't give a crap what an adult thinks about kids learning to tough it out.. thats up to the kids parents not some guy in a grim reaper mask.


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

we are a scary house...
not really scary. but my dh does get a kick out of dressing up and scaring the kids.
i agree with whoever said nighttime is for the older kids who WANT to be scared. each year the same kids get older and come back to our house where they always exclaim that they "remember" our house and they ALWAYS seem to get a kick out of it.

that being said, it is only my husband dressed up. he opens the door slowly to scare them and while he's handing out the candy if one child is particularly defiant or egging him on (like i said, they know him) he will roar at them. he does not do this to little kids (under 5?). he doesn't do it if the kids are already scared beyond fun. he doesn't do it to the kids who hang back and wait for the excitement to pass. he does it to the ones who are little daredevils and thrill seekers. i have helped him pull off his stunts occassionally...you can tell which kids will like it and which won't.

in my opinion having something that indiscriminately jumps out at people is not a good idea. nighttime may be for older kids, but, as in your case, little kids come with older kids a lot of the time.


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## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

We are a party house on Hallow's eve.

This year we had a monster mouth garage. Evil looking eyes on the garage roof.... red slits, nose blowing smoke (fog machine on a timer.... on top of the open garage door.. glowing HUGE teeth from the top of the garage and two HUGE teeth from the bottom.... garage covered in black plastic.

But... when you get in there... there is disco, dio, ozzy and the monster mash playing loudly. AND you get your pick of a king sized snickers, reeses peanut butter cup, or skittles.... OR stickers, playdough, pencils,

Nothing really scary inside... just fun.

By nine pm we were out of candy, treats... even with the costco boxes of candy, AND the back up Costco big bag of mixed candy.


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

To reply to the OP, why do people feel the need to do this? Because everybody's world doesn't revolve around little kids. I think it's hard to remember that when looking at the world through mom glasses sometimes.

A major element of Halloween is scary stuff! Getting mad because somebody's decorations are scary on Halloween is like getting upset because the rated R movie was scary and your kid saw it. If you don't think your child can handle that kind of stuff, it's your responsibility to protect your child from it, not other people's responsibility to tone down their own celebration.


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## VeganMamaRed (Jun 7, 2007)

Quote:

If you don't think your child can handle that kind of stuff, it's your responsibility to protect your child from it, not other people's responsibility to tone down their own celebration.

I could have easily protected my child from this if it the house had appeared spooky in any way. It was very well lit and just had a bunch of SMILING jack-o-lanterns. Nothing spooky. No scary music. Nothing. I don't ask people to make their life revolve around my small kids, I just ask that they acknowledge that Halloween DOES have a lot of little ones by maybe doing something to warn that they are a scary house.

For what it's worth, my daughter has been fine. No nightmares, nothing. It was a vent post, nothing more.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

I'm glad she's OK.

I remember when I was little, we had a house in the neighborhood where they set up microphones and a lot of scary stuff that would keep most kids from making it all the way to the front door.

The few kids who did get all the way there and actually ring the bell scored full sized candy bars, almost unheard of in the 60s in my part of the world.

I remember my brothers and I would egg each other on to make it all the way to their door, determined to get those big Hershey's with almonds bars.

But boy, did they scare the







out of us! (Even with our parents nearby.)

They moved things around every year, so you never knew where the voices would come from or what might jump out at you on the long walk up their driveway.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Here's what I don't get... In our neighborhood (pretty large, gets a lot of ToTers of all ages), the littles come out early - before dark. While we have a number of "scary" houses, none of them gear up with scary/spooky stuff, things popping out, etc until well after dark. People I know elsewhere tell me their areas are similar. So why take a sensitive small child out after dark when you KNOW houses will be having scary stuff? It just makes no sense to me.

At 14, there are still houses that my daughter refuses to go to, and that's okay. She usually goes out with a friend, my son, and one of his friends. The boys make sure she doesn't get harassed by the spooky peeps. The few times there's been an issue (when people insisted on following and intimidating her), I've gone to the houses myself and had a chat with the folks. Not to tell them to quit having scary houses, but to ask them not to go after kids who are obviously scared. End of problem.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Around here there is no halloween before nightfall. No one is home to give out treats if you go early. There is no free or cheap fun happy toddler oriented ToT substitute that I'm aware of.


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobybunny* 
We are a party house on Hallow's eve.

This year we had a monster mouth garage. Evil looking eyes on the garage roof.... red slits, nose blowing smoke (fog machine on a timer.... on top of the open garage door.. glowing HUGE teeth from the top of the garage and two HUGE teeth from the bottom.... garage covered in black plastic.

But... when you get in there... there is disco, dio, ozzy and the monster mash playing loudly. AND you get your pick of a king sized snickers, reeses peanut butter cup, or skittles.... OR stickers, playdough, pencils,

Nothing really scary inside... just fun.

By nine pm we were out of candy, treats... even with the costco boxes of candy, AND the back up Costco big bag of mixed candy.

I wanna come to your house next year ... sounds awsome!!


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

My DD LOVE's the scary stuff, always has. DS is much more timid and scares easily.

My DH has always taken DD out to the local haunted houses and parties prior to Halloween night ... then on Halloween night we only go to grandparents, aunts & uncles, and a few good friends houses along the way.

I find this cuts down on the candy and we know what we are in for wherever we go.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

in my grandma's neighborhood they break TOT time up by age. They have a big parade with fire trucks and and stuff that ends at the park down the street where they do a costume contest. then at like 2 or 3 the littlest ones 6 or 7 go TOT for an hour or so then after then the older like maybe 8 -10 or 12 for an hour or so then the older ones go out. i think it is the discretion of the parents with kids in the 8-12 range whether they go out later with the older kids or not.. but even the older kids are done pretty early. and all of this is done the friday before halloween.. lol b/c halloween is often on a school night. it is good i think b/c its day light when the littles are out and people know they are little so are not scary... its pretty cool


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

I think it probably depends a lot on the area of the country as well as your individual neighborhood as to how "scary" people go for halloween. I'm in the south in a college town and the grown ups and older teens that like scary go downtown for the big celebration and at least in my neighborhood trick or treating is for little kids. It's mostly not scary at all. There is one house that does scary decorations and they're obvious. It may be different in different neighborhoods in my town, but I've never heard anyone complain about too scary, although I've heard many folks say they would never take their little kids downtown.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Having given it some thought, I feel that the "person jumping out at you" kind of scary is especially dangerous. I mean little kids aside...do you really want to give an elderly grandpa a heart attack while he's taking his grandchildren trick-or-treating? Amusements that rely on shock tactics--haunted houses, some theme park rides, even theatrical productions that include gun shots--typically have warnings so that people with phobias, heart problems, etc. will know to avoid them.


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## diamond lil (Oct 6, 2003)

It's impossible to gauge each person's level of sensitivity to certain things.

I did quite a bit of Halloween decorating last year, including hot gluing one of those black plastic spiders to my doorbell button.

All the kids got a kick out of it because they would have to touch the "spider" in order to ring the doorbell. I heard quite a few delighted squeals on the other side of the door. I thought it was a cute idea, until one mom totally b!tched me out for it, saying that it scared her DD.

I aplogized, and said if she was too scared to touch it, she could have just knocked on the door instead. The mom got all huffy with me and told me that I ruined her DD's Halloween.









I blew it off. I'm sure the little plastic spider did not ruin her Halloween. Plus, isn't Halloween supposed to be at least a little scary? I never do blood and guts or gorey stuff, but you never know how people are going to react.


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## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

I would have blown her off too..


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boobybunny* 
We are a party house on Hallow's eve.

This year we had a monster mouth garage. Evil looking eyes on the garage roof.... red slits, nose blowing smoke (fog machine on a timer.... on top of the open garage door.. glowing HUGE teeth from the top of the garage and two HUGE teeth from the bottom.... garage covered in black plastic.

But... when you get in there... there is disco, dio, ozzy and the monster mash playing loudly. AND you get your pick of a king sized snickers, reeses peanut butter cup, or skittles.... OR stickers, playdough, pencils,

Nothing really scary inside... just fun.

By nine pm we were out of candy, treats... even with the costco boxes of candy, AND the back up Costco big bag of mixed candy.

I also want to come to your house for halloween!!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
To reply to the OP, why do people feel the need to do this? Because everybody's world doesn't revolve around little kids. I think it's hard to remember that when looking at the world through mom glasses sometimes.

A major element of Halloween is scary stuff! Getting mad because somebody's decorations are scary on Halloween is like getting upset because the rated R movie was scary and your kid saw it. If you don't think your child can handle that kind of stuff, it's your responsibility to protect your child from it, not other people's responsibility to tone down their own celebration.

But....if you are setting up for TOTers, dont you know they will be children? Adults dont TOT where Im from. Its a community celebration centered (ime) around kids. Mostly little ones. By about 14 my ds decided he was too old for TOTing. Most kids I grew up with stopped ToT by about 12 or 14. But maybe thats not so everywhere.

When I just had one child I took him early, we were done by dark. But if you have children of multiple ages it might not be possible to take them early and not everyone does it early. One year, I took my first DS out early because it was going to be freezing cold and he was young. Most people were really nice, but one woman chewed me up one side and down the other about coming too early and she wasnt ready and we didnt deserve to get anything. (and of everyone in the neighborhood, she was the one iwth the scripture mounted to the front door, welcoming and loving, I loathe hypocrisy, I mean she just ranted and raved to me and my two year old). So apparently, not every neighborhood has the same traditions. Isnt that interesting? I mean, where I grew up it was the normal thing to take little ones early like that. But not in the neighborhood we were living at the time and I had no idea we were being rude apparently. So yeah, every town or community likely has thier own traditions about this. Interesting.

So how do we reconcil this holiday that is centered on scariness but is also centered on kids having fun? When my oldest was little, we skipped ToTing and threw a halloween party instead. I dont think the little ones I have now would go for it though!

To the OP: I would have been upset too. Thats just mama bear instinct to be protective when something harms or frightens your child.


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## Heathen Mama (Sep 1, 2008)

I come from a household where "the scarier the better" was the motto.

April Fool's was our major holiday and it was usually horrifically tasteless (my sister running and falling on scissors and squirting fake blood across my face when I ran to help her.)

Mom drew the line when little sis got all interested in movie make-up and put a (realistic!!!) bullet wound in the center of her forehead.

We were a household full of girls and these hijinks went on year round. Part of our fun was wondering which Xmas gift would be scary...

To most folks, our sense of humor was sick and twisted. At Halloween, we were the happiest ever.

Sorry for my bluntness, but quit harshing our buzz! Some of us love scary stuff and totally live for it. This year, my 5 month old was a lion. Next year, he'll be a ghoul. After that, we'll do him up and the scarier the better. 'Cause the fun part is the realization after it's over is that "Hey- I'm okay. Let's do that again!" Not everyone can ride the big coasters. KWIM?


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## tuppence (Feb 18, 2005)

We did two ToT activities Friday with my 3.5 yr old--we went to the City's afternoon festival at the park for kids under 12 and then went our in our neighborhood after dark. I was very irritated at the City's event (jumy castles, easy games, music, decorating cookies, etc) because of the hugely scary stuff and didn't take my LO on the hay ride or into the trailer to get a pumpkin because kids were getting off crying. I mean, if you advertise an event as for under 12s and most of the kids there are toddlers to 8 yr olds, maybe the super scary stuff isn't the most appropriate or maybe when you see a LO coming, you could not scream and wave your scythe at them? And some of the older kids were harassing the babies by trying to scare them and make them cry. *sigh* We had much better luck ToTing in the neighborhood--and DS had a great time!


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## Cherry Alive (Mar 11, 2007)

DH and I like to deck out the house for Halloween. We also have a few scary things, but they are remote-controlled. We have a sensor-operated light so we know when someone is coming up. We always look out the window (don't have a peephole). If it's a little kid, we never activate the scary things.

We are expecting our first. If it wasn't for DH being so sensitive to small children being scared, I never would have thought about the impact that the scary decorations would have on them. That said, I'd only have to see it something scare a child once before rethinking my scary decoration strategy.


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