# "Get in the tub RIGHT NOW or I'll... "



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Or I'll WHAT?

DD will be 3 in August and has recently been resisting bathtime and the rest of her bedtime routine. Understandable that she is testing limits, considering her age.

But bedtime has been drawn out from 30-45 minutes to well over two hours, I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and sometimes I just don't have it in me to spend an additional half hour cajoling my daughter into the bathtub. She loves a bath, but seems to enjoy the "chase" more at this point.

Last night I found myself exasperated, telling her to "Get in the tub RIGHT NOW or I'll..." and then, of course, I had no idea. My mom's idea would be "or I'll beat your butt" but that's obviously not an option. We've never done time out, that didn't seem the time to introduce the concept. Or WHAT? What's a reasonable consequence for not getting into the tub?

"You'll go to bed filthy and feel gross" isn't something a 2YO gets. Neither is "we have commitments tomorrow AM and don't have time for a bath in the morning".

It's really not an option for me to just surrender the idea of her having a bath, she's covered in sunscreen and sand. Also, I am quite opposed to wasting all that water once I've drawn the tub.

WWYD?


----------



## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

"...tickle you?"
















LOL, sorry...really I'd just not even tell her to get in. I'd just say "bath time" and pick her up & put her in.







Good luck!


----------



## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Put her in the tub, wash her as fast as you can and get her out.


----------



## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

or we won't be able to read a story, play, color, have a snack, have energy to play tomorrow, etc.

BUT, what I found t work better is keeping it positive. Instead of saying can't/won't we say:

Let's take abth so we can...

Also does your babe need a bath every day?

Sometimes Kailey is just to tired (shes 6 and in kindergarten) to take a bath at night, so if she says she is tired, we skip the bath and shower in the morning. If she gets up to late we do a sponge bath and bath that night. Within a 2-3 day period she will get washed. On days she is grimey from playing in the sand at daycare I take a bath with her. (she loves to play).

What about bath paints or a special toy he would dig?

HTH


----------



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

I hate just popping her in the tub and scrubbing her down against her will, though.

I've tried it, she gets upset and cries. (I guess I wouldn't like some giant person just scooping me up and tossing me in the tub, either.) I've done it in situations when I just had to get out the door but it's not enjoyable for either of us, and I feel like while it might be a good immediate solution, it's not a good long term thing to do, because it sets bathtime up as a power issue.


----------



## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva*
Let's take abth so we can...

I prefer this phrasing too. When you challenge a child with "or else" you set yourself up for a power struggle. The last thing you want to do is make bedtime a battle of wills--'cause a 3yo can be very strong willed!









I think the book _Playful Parenting_ by Lawrence Cohen (I think it is) has some helpful suggestions for good ways to engage co-operation.


----------



## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

"you can choose to climb in the tub alone, or momma will put you there"

1, 2, 3

"ok you choose for momma to do it for you"

pick her up -- put her in the tub.

or

"if you get in teh tub now we can have toys and play, if you waest more time we will not have time for toys and it will be wash and get right out no time to hae fun"

or

" we are ghoing to read 3 books tonight, if you keep waesting time, we will only have time for 2.......only have time for 1......."

Aimee


----------



## Calidris (Apr 17, 2004)

Race you to the tub?

Last one to the tub is a ...

Or, that toy elephant loves to play in the water...


----------



## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

I've tried the no bath thing with my three-yo, but what happens in this house is everything is fine until lights out, and then the scream, "IWANTMYBAFF!!" then there's wailing and nashing of teeth, etc. If I catch myself saying, "do x right now or I'll..." I usually try and finish it with, "Or I won't show you the neat trick I can do with water-snapping/blowing bubbles/making funny noises with shampoo bottles, etc."

At three years old, there's a lot about control. I try and give her as much as I can without going out of bounds. Consequences usually rebound on me (having a girl screaming at lights-out that she wants her bath). Also try, "do you want to get in now, or when this song is over/timer goes off/I flick the lights on and off) My 3yo likes a challenge so, "lets see how quickly you can get in the tub/how big we can make the bubbles/etc." works well too.

Good luck. I think 3 is one of the hardest ages!!!


----------



## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

my kids have toys that they only get to play with while in the tub and they get a bedtme story right afetr we get pjs on after the tub







some incentive is always nice. Also making it not an option (the way you phrase things..." time to take a bath"...) helps too


----------



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

Could you really not just skip bathtime? Just for a bit? Surely sand and sunscreen won't kill her. (I know because I frequently leave ds filthy and he has yet to die from it.) I really think you should reconsider. You probably wouldn't have to skip it for long before she forgets about her aversion and happily gets in again.

If that is definitely not an option for you, could you do a spongebath? If she's enjoying the chase, could you play more chasing games before bath time to satisfy that desire? Will she shower with you? A favorite for us this time of year is to strip ds down in the back yard and take the hose to him, (kids LOVE this!!)

If you're trying to avoid power struggles, you might also want to avoid threats and ultimatums (sp?), since these very often lead to power struggles too.

ETA: I just read the other posts and I completely forgot about racing!! This is our current favorite for getting ds to co-operate. It works for everything right now, and not only does he do it, (whatever it is,) he also does it FAST!!


----------



## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

I sympathize. Same issue at our house. We have recently been doing bubble baths using Johnson's baby shampoo (supposed to prevent the UTI issue with bubble baths). I'm also thinking of getting bath crayons or bath tints. We sometimes do skip and do a spong bath.

Quote:

I've tried the no bath thing with my three-yo, but what happens in this house is everything is fine until lights out, and then the scream, "IWANTMYBAFF!!" then there's wailing and nashing of teeth, etc.
I have so BTDT.


----------



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom22girls* 
I've tried the no bath thing with my three-yo, but what happens in this house is everything is fine until lights out, and then the scream, "IWANTMYBAFF!!" then there's wailing and nashing of teeth, etc. If I catch myself saying, "do x right now or I'll..." I usually try and finish it with, "Or I won't show you the neat trick I can do with water-snapping/blowing bubbles/making funny noises with shampoo bottles, etc."

At three years old, there's a lot about control. I try and give her as much as I can without going out of bounds. Consequences usually rebound on me (having a girl screaming at lights-out that she wants her bath). Also try, "do you want to get in now, or when this song is over/timer goes off/I flick the lights on and off) My 3yo likes a challenge so, "lets see how quickly you can get in the tub/how big we can make the bubbles/etc." works well too.

Good luck. I think 3 is one of the hardest ages!!!

Yup, we are in the same place. I also try hard to give DD a lot of control... but sometimes I feel like I'm going too far in that extreme, and I feel a bit ridiculous negotiating with a naked little girl that is running circles around me and shrieking.

Times like that, I feel like "should it be THIS hard to do something as simple as get in the tub when I KNOW she enjoys the bath and will ASK for one later?"

I think challenges are a good place for me to start. Ultimatums aren't getting me anywhere!


----------



## hippymomma69 (Feb 28, 2007)

When my DD hit this patch I just took a bath with her. It was great bonding time!

good luck
peace,
robyn


----------



## pumpkinyum (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
Put her in the tub, wash her as fast as you can and get her out.









:


----------



## pumpkinyum (Mar 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aimee21972* 
"you can choose to climb in the tub alone, or momma will put you there"

1, 2, 3

"ok you choose for momma to do it for you"

pick her up -- put her in the tub.

or

"if you get in teh tub now we can have toys and play, if you waest more time we will not have time for toys and it will be wash and get right out no time to hae fun"

or

" we are ghoing to read 3 books tonight, if you keep waesting time, we will only have time for 2.......only have time for 1......."

Aimee


good ideas too.

Have you ever put food coloring in bath water? Kids love that. Let them pick what color they want they bath to be.

I also agree with the pp that if you can, just skip the bath. I used to be picky about baths, but not anymore. DD proably bathes every 2-3 days now. Doesn't dry out their skin as much, too. If she's had on sunscreen on bug spray, I just give her a nice sponge off.


----------



## ThreeBeans (Dec 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"...tickle you?"
















LOL, sorry...really I'd just not even tell her to get in. I'd just say "bath time" and pick her up & put her in.







Good luck!

Yeah, sorry









You may be giving her too much power? She enjoys the thrill of the chase, you say









Eliminate the request. Simply say, 'bathtime', put her in the tub, wash as fast as you can, and get her out.


----------



## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chinaKat* 
but sometimes I feel like I'm going too far in that extreme, and I feel a bit ridiculous negotiating with a naked little girl that is running circles around me and shrieking.








































I wonder if this tactic would work against, say, Trump
















Don't forget, she's learning the art of negotiation from you (even while doing her thing!) The other day, my 5yo wanted to go out after dinner (it was late, and time for bath) she started with, "I'll wear my shoes" moved on to shoes, coat, AND promised to put all the backyard toys away. Then she looked at me and calmly said, "what CAN I do so that you'll let me go outside until the bath is ready?" I was so impressed with her statement, I let her out!


----------



## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

"You will need a water-proof toy for the bathtub, let's go pick one out."


----------



## sunnysideup (Jan 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom22girls* 
Then she looked at me and calmly said, "what CAN I do so that you'll let me go outside until the bath is ready?" I was so impressed with her statement, I let her out!

That's great! She's learning negotiating, and you're modeling flexibility


----------



## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

At 38 weeks pregnant, picking her up and plopping her in, or bathing with her, probably aren't as practical as they would normally be ...

Our consequence for not getting into and out of the bath when asked, and not cooperating with toothbrushing, is that you lose your bedtime stories. When she was two, we were reading for a while, then singing a song with the lights out, kissing and leaving. if she didn't cooperate, she lost the stories and lullaby -- she can NEVER lose the kissing and good nights, those are inalienable rights!


----------



## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I can't imagine using reading as punishment, but then, reading is sacred at our house!









This is only the beginning. It's going to get worse when the baby comes in the next week or so.

I'd kick back, nest, say to heck with bedtimes that are going to be blown out of the water sometime in the next 1-40 days anyway.

These are the last few moments with "just the two of you." I say start the babymoon now.


----------



## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

i looooooooooove books and would hate to remove them too -- buttttttttttt the time concept is so weak at that age you need something "tangale" that they can "see" they are "looseing" by making things take tooooo long.....YK>

I would startw ith 5 books, or whatever you normally read, and then work down one book at a time.

or something else.......but you don't want to take snack and have a hungery child, books will upset but not cause lack of sleep (after the upsetness that is).................

Just an idea.

sometimes you need something to help things along.

A


----------



## thebee321 (Dec 13, 2003)

Maybe keep a secret stash or bath toys that are new (or ones she hasn't seen in a while) to get her interested in the tub? A new set of bathtub crayons usually spurs new interest in baths for my son.

Also, I'm just thinking, you could say "OK, you don't need a bath, just stand hear and I'll clean you with a wet cloth." Maybe when she realizes that's not near as fun as a bath, she'll want the bath.

My son hated baths at that age, but he LOVES them now. Good luck!


----------



## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

For thos suggesting "put her in the tub and just do it":

We tried this. ONCE. It was honestly dangerous--DD was standing up, thrashing, screaming and fighting us, naked in the slippery tub. I was convinced she would slip and concuss herself. Never again.


----------



## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

Quote:

For thos suggesting "put her in the tub and just do it":

We tried this. ONCE. It was honestly dangerous--DD was standing up, thrashing, screaming and fighting us, naked in the slippery tub. I was convinced she would slip and concuss herself. Never again.
not fun i know

i have never had to do it -- i bathe with ds and he love it

but mom had to once -- mud in hair, sand all over him int eh sunscreen grime -- ickky -- he would not bath without me or alone -- so mom stood in the tub and bathed him as fast as she could and got him out. he was poed -- but he was adginst her legs and she was int eh tub holding him -- so he was safe. if not pleased

i do not knw the size of your 3 yo or the size of your sinks -- how about standing up in the kticehn sink (we have a really deep one) and "showering" with the sprayer? Mom has done this with DS too -- so she could stand up.

I would not suggest putting her in the tub alone in a situation like that, but it can be done if you stand in the tub

cuz in our house going to be with bug spray, sun screen and grime on you is not an option -- sorry. if you are dirty you get a tubby.

Aimee


----------



## lara1828 (Aug 11, 2005)

I have this same issue with my 3 yo. The things that have helped are having someone else in there with him, fun play with kitchenware, talking about it when it's NOT bathtime. He has his own ideas about how the bath should go and it's too late by the time I've run the water. (He wants it cold, sometimes I even put in a few ice cubes). Also, we have the Bath Time Gold Medal that he gets to put on after a bath. I've never used rewards for anything else including potty training, but the gold medal did seem to get him out of the hating bath time rut.

Good luck, pretty soon he'll have a playmate in there!!

Lara


----------



## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

Does it have to be a bath?

When DD doesn't want to take a bath but is covered in sand or dirt I just spray her down with the hand held sprayer in the shower. Yeah she is not getting soapy and squeaky clean but she certainly is clean enough for bed or getting dressed and leaving the house.

I also will take a shower with her, especially if she needs her hair washed. (And BTW, if I get into a mommy only tub, DD is begging to join me after a few minutes. Sometimes I use this strategy to get DD in the tub.)

I also prep DD for getting washed up before we go to the beach or where ever it is that I know she will need to bathe afterward. "When we come home from the pool we need to rinse the chlorine and sunblock off before we do anything else."

I also wanted to comment on drawing the bath first. It seems like so may bath posts have this as a element of frustration. Why not let the water fill the tub after your child gets in? DD loves to play in the water coming from the faucet. This way there is no wasting bath water or bath water getting cold. It also eliminates a bit of the power struggle, mommy has not said bath time is now. bath time starts went the naked child is in the tub.


----------



## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

Do you have a detachable shower head? (If not, I HIGHLY reccomend them, you can get one for under $10 most places)

I'd offer her the option of a bath, or a "shower" just let her stand in the tub while you spray her off. (Better than no bath, right?)


----------



## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

Lots of great suggestions, mamas!









I think I'm mostly at the end of my rope b/c of the advanced state of my pregnancy. Usually I'm okay with being playful until we get where we need to be... last night I felt like an ogre!

I will try some of your ideas tonight.


----------



## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Here is something else we do in the summer. We take a bath outside in the hose. Kailey loves this. She can put her swimsuit on and I take the shampoo and soap outside. She can play for a bit in the little pool (or just the sprinkler) and then we soap up and rinse off. Many times I let her soak me (in shorts and tee) and then I let her wash my hair. It's pretty fun and when the weather is warm it feels great!


----------



## Emma's_Mommy (Apr 28, 2006)

does she really need a bath every night??

with Emma is she fights a bath i will wipe her down with a wet washcloth while getting her changed for bedtime (new diaper and PJ's) and in the AM i will squirt her hair with a squirt bottle of water and brush out all the crud.

i know its not as good as a bath but when she needs a quick cleaning and not a full scrubbing this is MUCH easier than fighting with her being 31 weeks pregnant and TIRED!


----------



## bdavis337 (Jan 7, 2005)

Bathe at a different time of day. Make it a surprise, and bathe before dinner, or after naptime, or whatever.

Try using a timer. Even 3 yo's can understand the concept of a timer. "When the timer dings, it's bathtime." Then do it again once she's in "when the timer dings, we get out".

For me, I can't get my boys OUT of the bathtub. My toddler loves to run around naked before bath, but he always climbs in after a minute or so. We use the timer to get him OUT.

If it's being naked that's so much fun, then just do naked time for xxxx minutes, and when that time is up (timer again!), it's time to pop in the tub.

Or take a shower WITH her. Big girls, in the shower together. I'm pg as well, and I know it's not easy to manage it sometimes, but it does work.


----------



## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Try food coloring. Ask her "what color do you want?" then add a few drops while it fills. Or (ONLY if you do not have grout on the walls) you can give her some watercolors and a paint brush to let her paint the wall of the tub.

OR, you can mix a few drops of different colors with a few ounces of water, into some old baby bottles or other unbreakable bottles (I just used glass baby food jars and took our chances) then she can decide what to mix to make whatever color she wanted. After ten minutes, it was all grey/brown anyway from mixing ALL the colors.

The book Little Critter's "Just a bath" was a good bath time story.


----------



## DQMama (Mar 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
These are the last few moments with "just the two of you." I say start the babymoon now.

I remember thinking this same thing MANY times in the last few weeks of my second pregnancy. I felt so much pressure to make things perfect for my ds. I felt guilt and sadness, but excitement too of course. I think he picked up on all those confusing feelings, and your dd may be doing the same thing Chinakat. He was 2 yrs, 8 months when dd was born.

Also, my nephew has autism and is terrified of the bathtub. Yesterday I was at my sister's and our kids were playing in the baby pool in the backyard. When they were done, before letting out the water, my sister pulled out the baby wash and quickly washed off her ds. He yelled a little when the hose hit him but he kinda laughed too. Much better than the tub for him! So maybe you could plan a couple of times to do bath early, say before dinner, in the yard. Then let your dh dump the water since you're 38 wks!


----------



## BlueSkyJennifer (Dec 11, 2004)

When ds went through this I just let go of my need to see him have a bath. He still hates to have his hair washed and we only do it once a week or so. He once went two weeks without it! I know that is harder to let it go with the sunscreen and sand, etc. at this time of year, but I would try just forgoing the bath and wait for her to ask for one even. Maybe she will miss it? You can cover a lot of ground with a sponge bath too. Sometimes you can do it without them even noticing. We would take a basin of warm soapy water and a washcloth and a towel into the living room when he was really engaged in another activity and wash him up while he played.


----------



## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

There is no need to force a bath. Sunscreen should have rubbed in, or do you put it on that close to bedtime? Sand falls off.

I don't think this one has to be a struggle. Let it go is my suggestion.


----------



## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

I would give her the option of bath, shower or washcloth (whichever ones you prefer to offer) if you really want her to get cleaned every evening. If she tries to opt out completely, you can remind her that to whatever other bedtime routine things she likes, you have to finish getting clean first. I do this with my 3yo and instead of it being a threat, I make it fun like "lets hurry up and get this done so we can do the other fun stuff!". I can understand you wanting her to get the sand/sunscreen off and I know that my dd does much better with a set bedtime routine that includes a bath or some type of cleanup. A good routine will probably really help her feel comfortable after the baby arrives too. Good luck with the new little one!


----------



## gilamama (Aug 9, 2005)

b4 my dd2 u was born dd1 took baths much more often.









but at the end of my pregnancy i would get in the tub with her just to soak in the warm water. such a relaxing releifing time. and dd loved it.

if she doesnt want you to give her a bath let her give you one. let her do shampoo and soap on you.

she needs to stock up on mommy time now anyway b4 she has to start sharing you.


----------



## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"...tickle you?"
















LOL, sorry...really I'd just not even tell her to get in. I'd just say "bath time" and pick her up & put her in.







Good luck!









: was gonna say the same thing. But my 21 month old loves being tickled and we even have a secret tickle song...its good for getting him to do things we need him to do. If your kid likes being tickled, then you can say this- but if not you'll need to say something else


----------



## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

What I want to say is... "or I'll tickle you"

what I usually say is "or I'll lose my temper!"

But my real question for you is: You are 38 weeks pregnant. does your partner live with you? Why aren't they doing the bath? It's not going to get any easier for you in the next, oh, 3 months, so why not just let go of this and let someone else do it.

FYI, my kids get a bath about once a week. Running through the sprinkler is a really effective way of cleaning them off in the in between days!


----------



## m9m9m9 (Jun 13, 2005)

Lately I have found myself saying this to my almost 3 year old about many things. A couple of times I have finished with "or I will spank your butt" a phrase I actually detest and detest more coming out of my mouth. I might as well be saying to DD "or the square root of 4 is 2" bc my DD has no idea what "spank your butt" means either but when I am really frustrated it just seems to pop out of my mouth.

When she refues a bath, which thankfully isn't often, I do just go ahead and put her in the tub and go as quick as I can.

For other things lately, I admit, I just wait until she decides to do whatever I ask or I just do it myself.

Maggie


----------



## Tishie (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:

Could you really not just skip bathtime? Just for a bit? Surely sand and sunscreen won't kill her.










Plus, it doesn't seem ideal to wash off the natural oils too often, especially with someone so young who doesn't even have BO!









But if the kiddo is totally filthy, I agree with a PP that lots of kids love to take a shower/bath in the parents' bathroom (if you have more than one bathroom).


----------



## fishface (Jan 6, 2007)

What plastic bath-appropriate toys does she love to play with? Sometimes a 2-choice statement gets toddlers to do something they didn't want to. "Would you like to take the ELEPHANT or the POLAR BEAR in the bath tonight?" in an excited voice might work.


----------



## kalisis (Jan 10, 2005)

You know, I second the kitchen sink. DS used to bathe there when little and DD does now and DS thinks it's like THE BEST thing in the whole world. Sure, he doesn't fit, but he stands and I can at least get the grime off and wash the important 'bits and pieces'.

I remember being in your state and no way was I in the mood to fight or run around and be silly...I just wanted it done. DS, however, often had different ideas, so I had to let go and just slap a silly smile on my face. All he** broke loose when DD was born anyway and the pp who said to start your babymoon early had a good idea. Thing is, sooner or later she's going to stop fighting you about this and she really won't be any worse for the wear. That's the big thing I'm learning - the little things are always changing, but what doesn't, the respect we have for and show to our children, is always there and taht's really what counts.


----------



## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Reverses psychology worked with my ds at that age. If he started playing the "I don't want a bath" game, I'd just say "ok, no bath tonight then, I'm draining the water out". He'd wait to see if I was serious, and if I pulled that drain, he'd be running in screaming "no, no! want bath!!" and start ripping his clothes off.
We did this for getting dressed, leaving the house, you name it.


----------



## happeeevraftr (Mar 27, 2005)

Wow, you've gotten a lot of great ideas. I personally believe you should go with the less coercive tactics, as your power to control is only going to get weaker (if it's not already, being so pregnant, then just wait till you have a newborn in your arms!)

I'm guessing this is mostly about control, and not about hating the bath, and if that's the case, it might be good to look at this as a sign that she's needing a little more independence, and this is the only way she has of telling you that.

I recently wrote a blog entry about this very thing, my 3 y.o. feeling too controlled and resisting everything. And my specific example happened to be about getting in the bath. You can read the whole, long thing where I explored how I came to realize I've gotten too controlling and and the problems that I saw with it (including that it was backfiring in a big way!) here: Becoming More Sweet and Less Controlling


But here I'll paste the part with suggestions I came up for my situation, which is quite similar to yours, except that our bathtime is in the morning.

*Ask questions*. "You're not ready for a bath right now? Why? Are you having fun with what you're doing? Did you have something else in mind to do right now?"
Just asking these types of questions seems to show her that I'm sincerely concerned about her and what she wants to do enough that she will let down her resistant attitude (assuming she's resisting just for the sake of resisting, or "autonomy assertion" or whatever you want to call it!) which is almost always the case lately. She might say, "Yeah, I wanted to play with my dolls." To which I could respond with suggestions that include her wants, like, maybe she could play with her dolls for five minutes and then get in the bath? Should we set the timer? Or maybe your dolls are dirty and need to take a bath too? Let's put them in the play bathtub and bring them in the bathroom and you can all take your baths together!
Or I could ask her for solutions: Hmm, you want to play with your dolls, and I'm concerned that if you don't get in the bath really soon, we will be late for our appointment. What can we do about this? At any rate, it opens up a dialogue where she gets the opportunity to voice her opinion, offer suggestions, and, mostly importantly, feel heard and cared about.

*Make it fun*. Using a totally astonished voice, "What? No bath? Are you crazy? Oh my goodness, can you believe that Dolly? Sariah says she's not going to take a bath! She wants to be dirty-maybe forEVER! Woah, what would that be like . . .?" And continue exploring that, possibly while getting her undressed if she's having enough fun that she's let down the resistance.
Maybe scoop her up and fill her with tickles as I talk about how utterly absurd it would be to go without a bath this day. Or create some fun to be had while in the bath: blowing bubbles under water, swimming in an ocean, trying to escape the sharks, building a [pretend] boat, and the like. Basically, make the objectionable task more appealing.

*Reason*. This isn't really an option if I've started with a statement that implies she doesn't have a choice. If she doesn't have a choice, trying to reason after she resists (You're really dirty. You haven't had a bath in three days and now we're going to the library and you don't want everyone to smell how stinky you are, do you?) seems superfluous for one thing, and it also seems to undermine the authority I tried to get across when I told her so emphatically that this thing had to be done. Offering reasons, to me, feels like I'm giving her a choice. Which is in direct opposition to my original tone.

*Negotiate*. Maybe there's something else that could be done first? Perhaps we could just wash her body, and worry about her hair tomorrow? Could we put her hair in a ponytail for now, try not to get too close to anyone at the library, and then take a bath when we got home?
Good luck. Three is horrendous. They want so much to be in control of themselves, yet they are still SO lacking in reasoning and rational thought and ability to understand--or even care about---future natural consequences. So I'll be dirty? Big whoop! I can sleep dirty. (Or I can scream for a bath in twenty minutes). Right now all I'm concerned about is making sure this is MY decision.

It can be infuriating. I know.


----------



## WaturMama (Oct 6, 2006)

Great thread, great ideas.

Here's one little idea that's been working for us lately: ds gets to pick some utensils or other things from the kitchen to play with in the bath.


----------



## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

I always let my dd be dirty. The most I'd do is clean her bottom so she didn't get chapped, and I'd just do that with a washcloth, quickly before bed. Even now she still goes weeks without washing her hair. It gets wet in the bath, so food chunks come out. I can usually coerce her to wash her hair at least every 6 weeks with shampoo. I honestly don't understand what the BFD with bathtime is. It's not like 3 year olds get BO.

And to tell a 3 year old (or anyone), "Do what I say or you are choosing to have me force it on you"-- well what kind of a choice is that!?!?!

If it's really a big deal for you, I'd buy a can of shaving cream. Walgreens has a big melon scented one for $1.99. When I want some peace to read a book or hang out online, I just give my kid shaving cream to play with in the bath. The drawback is that I use only all natural soaps for us and she ends up covered in a not so natural soap, but she comes out clean and I get a break. We are also big fans of using food coloring drops to dye the bathwater.


----------



## dovey (May 23, 2005)

Sometimes we pretend that the bathroom is a health-spa (it's really more like a health hazard considering the diaper pail and the piles of dirty clothes on the floor all the time







). But my bath-resistant 3 yr. old really is into the spa idea. I turn off the lights, light several candles (on the counter), and put some fragranced bath salts in the water. Then I give both kids a bath and a massage with some baby oil afterward. They love it.


----------



## tatermom (Jun 11, 2005)

Sorry, didn't have time to read all the responses so I don't know if this has been suggested yet, but DS was really resisting the bedtime routine until I made a photo chart of our routine: a picture of us eating dinner, DS going potty, putting on jammies, brushing teeth, reading books with us, and going to sleep. DS LOVES checking the chart and it really keeps him on track... I was really surprised how well it worked!


----------



## sarathan (Jun 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
"...tickle you?"
















LOL, sorry...really I'd just not even tell her to get in. I'd just say "bath time" and pick her up & put her in.







Good luck!

Yes, exactly! If bathtime isn't an option in your house, then don't give her the option. Actions speak louder than words.... just close your mouth, pick her up, and put her in the bathtub. Simple as that!









Also want to add, if you want to give her some control over the situation, you could let her pick when bathtime is or let her wash herself or something like that. But when it's bathtime...it's bathtime!


----------



## Rainbowbird (Jul 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pumpkinyum* 
good ideas too.

Have you ever put food coloring in bath water? Kids love that. Let them pick what color they want they bath to be.


This worked for us!

When my DS was two he went through a big anti-bath phase. The food coloring worked wonders. He got to pick the color each night. I also bought a few new bath toys and that got him excited, too.

I think we also offered up the option of a shower with Daddy.

These pleasurable enticements really did end the power struggle fast.

Now at 4 he will sometimes balk, but the challenge to race to the tub, put the bubble bath in himself, etc. will work. In general he seems to realize that he loves water play enough so that it is not worth his while to fight it!


----------



## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva* 
Let's take abth so we can...

This is how I do it too. "After bath, we can ________" Or if they specifically ask for something (like last night it was a banana split) then I will say "After bath, we will eat our banana splits." Of course, I would have preferred to take bath after the ice cream since I knew there was the chance of a big mess, but they never would have gotten in the bath then.

Another thing that works with my kids is food dye in the water. They love to make the water turn different colors. We also have picnics in the bath where I give them their dinner while they are taking a bath.

ETA - I just read all the posts and realized that food dye was already suggested!


----------



## kittn (Mar 6, 2006)

With my almost three year old lots of battles ensue over him choosing to not do something when told. Sometimes it's OK, others (like bath after the beach) not so much. I usually tell him OK not now then, let's count to 10,20,30 whatever and then it's time to take a bath, stop nursing, pick up your cars whatever. it gives them control, the counting with you distracts them from the argument too, and its predictable


----------

