# Ritual/Remembrance for miscarriage



## UrbanEarthMom (Jul 20, 2004)

I am having a D & C tomorrow. I found out at 12 weeks that the baby had died at 6 weeks. The doctor told me that I had the option of having a funeral home pick up the remains and arrange for a burial. I had never thought of that. My husband and I are leaning against that right now but we want to do something to remember this baby - something that would help the world in some way - maybe on a annual basis perhaps. Make a donation, plant a tree etc. Any ideas?


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## pumpkinseed (Aug 6, 2005)

I think that whatever you decided to do to honor your baby will be beautiful. Planting a tree is a great idea, so is making a donation. I have read quite a few different creative things in this forum. There is no reason you have to do the same thing each year either. Hugs to you through your journey. I hope you find peace.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I am sorry for your loss

We have planted a tree for each of our losses (actually one of the trees is waiting to be planted, the timing didn't feel right). Our first loss was this time of year and we planted a spruce tree, now every year I decorate it and put lights on it.

take care of yourself during this hard time and feel free to share with us your story

tara


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## paisley (Jul 2, 2004)

I came across this link after my miscarriage. Caution: I believe it is geared more towards terminations, just to let you know in case that might upset you. I thought the ideas and poem were a great starting point for making a personalized rememberance ceremony and I wasn't able to find anything else similar to it.

I hope that you are healing well physically.







Take your time healing your heart and please know that we are all here for you when you are ready.


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## Ary99 (Jan 1, 2002)

First, I am so sorry for your loss. While there is certainly no such thing as a "good" miscarriage, there is a certain added cruelty to what the medical community calls a missed abortion (can we come up with something better please?). I found out at 11 weeks my babay had died at 7 weeks. To go that long and think you are out of the first trimester woods was devastating for me (as I'm sure it was for you).

I was afraid of planting a tree in case I had to move or if I accidentally killed the tree ( I would have felt so awful). We found a beautiful box at a store called Bombay. It was wooden with a plaque we had inscribed with "Our Baby". In it I put my HPTs, sonograms, a picture of my son (since he couldn't write a note) and a letter written from me and DH. In that box I out everything I had of my pregnancy including the hospital band from my D&C. It really helps me to know it can go with me wherever I go and it's there if I need to look at it (I've never been able to).

Again, I'm really really sorry.


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## UrbanEarthMom (Jul 20, 2004)

Thanks for all your ideas. You're right Ary99 that there is an extra cruelty of a "missed abortion". I really did feel "out of the woods" and then the shock. I'm going to take your idea about the box too. I ordered one online that can be engraved with "In Memory 9/7/05-12/7/05". I'm going to put the momentos we have including pictures of me when I was pregnant and letters to the baby.

It is so helpful to have this forum - thank you all.


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## dylan27 (Sep 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UrbanEarthMom*
I ordered one online that can be engraved.

Could you tell me where you ordered it from?
Thanks.


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## UrbanEarthMom (Jul 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dylan27*
Could you tell me where you ordered it from?
Thanks.

I ordered it from groomstand.com. I found it through google. There are also some beautiful boxes on soulfulliving.com - I liked them but dh preferred something more plain.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

I lost a pregnancy in November--14 wks pg but the babe was only about 6 wks.

A week ago, I came across the remembrance/ritual for me in a book. It is part of the Japanese Buddhist tradition for any being lost prior to birth (thru miscarriage or stillbirth or termination). The family buys a small statue called a Mizuko Jizo, and then the parents hand stitch a small garment for the statue from red fabric: a hat, or a bib, or (my choice) a cape. The parents can spend time adding as much detail to the garment as they please. Traditionally, this would go on an altar in a temple, but we are not actually Buddhist so will simply be paying homage this tradition in our own home and our own way.

Since dh is a potter/sculptor, he is going to make the statue for us







. Then I will handstitch the garment. Making this small tribute to our lost baby with our hands will be healing for us, I believe.

Anyway, I wanted to add this ritual as it has been helpful for us. Maybe it will help someone else, as well.

Hugs to all those mourning losses


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## pfamilygal (Feb 28, 2005)

I painted the baby's name on a rock, and buried my pregnancy test under a tree in the back yard with their rock on top. Like a little grave memorial. It helped me a lot.


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## BCmamaof6 (Sep 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama*
I lost a pregnancy in November--14 wks pg but the babe was only about 6 wks.

A week ago, I came across the remembrance/ritual for me in a book. It is part of the Japanese Buddhist tradition for any being lost prior to birth (thru miscarriage or stillbirth or termination). The family buys a small statue called a Mizuko Jizo, and then the parents hand stitch a small garment for the statue from red fabric: a hat, or a bib, or (my choice) a cape. The parents can spend time adding as much detail to the garment as they please. Traditionally, this would go on an altar in a temple, but we are not actually Buddhist so will simply be paying homage this tradition in our own home and our own way.

Since dh is a potter/sculptor, he is going to make the statue for us







. Then I will handstitch the garment. Making this small tribute to our lost baby with our hands will be healing for us, I believe.

Anyway, I wanted to add this ritual as it has been helpful for us. Maybe it will help someone else, as well.

Hugs to all those mourning losses









Oh! I LOVE that idea. That is so beautiful. I think I'll ask a potter friend of mine to make something like that.
Thank you for sharing.


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