# Did I overreact?



## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

I've been visiting my parents for a while. We were at the grocery store and dd was really tired and cranky. She grabbed something out of the cart and threw it to the floor. My mom picked it up and slapped dd's hand. I freaked out and told her to NEVER hit my child. There were people around and I know she was probably really embarrassed. I know it was a light tap and it didn't hurt, but she has no right to do that! I wonder if I was too harsh about it in public, but it was honestly my natural reaction. I just couldn't believe she had done that!


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

I don't know if anyone will think you overreacted, but I would have done the exact same thing. Your mom will probably never hit your DD in front of you again. I don't think I would leave Your DD alone with her though.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

It may have been a little over the top considering it was in public... BUT I think I would have done the same.

-Angela


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## tubulidentata2 (Aug 6, 2006)

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Good for you for sticking up for your DD! I would behaved the same way with my own mother, but I would have been much meaner if someone else had done it. Then again, I have anger issues towards the person most likely to do this to my DD







.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

I think your reaction was fine. I would flip out if someone hit my children, no matter how light it was.


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## FiddleMama (Feb 27, 2007)

You did 100% the right thing.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Absolutely the right thing to do, especially in public, I think. I would also think twice about leaving her alone with your dd.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

When it comes to hitting, leave no room for misunderstanding... your Mom knows your feelings are strong and resolute on the matter. It's not likely to happen again and that is what is most important.

If you feel comfortable, approach your mother and explain your strong reaction. Perhaps an atmosphere where you feel you can discuss it calmly, and let her in on the depth of your feelings, and why you feel that way about hitting. Explain what you felt when it happened, why you reacted the way you did, etc.

Other than that, I would have done the exact same thing.

The best,
Em


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## Kessed (Nov 28, 2007)

You were 100% in the right. You did nothing wrong.

Your mom should NEVER have thought it was even remotely acceptable to hit your child.

Don't feel bad if she was embarrassed - she ASSAULTED your child. She physically assaulted your child.

If some random stranger came up to you and slapped your hand - you could file criminal charges.


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## boheime (Oct 25, 2005)

I would have done the same. My ILs are a real risk for multiple things. We have been very clear that if anyone touches our kids (hitting, etc.) that we will not hesitate to call the police. We cannot trust them to be alone in a room with our children without us.


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## Elijah's Mom (Dec 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ssh* 
I don't think I would leave Your DD alone with her though.

That strikes me as an over-reaction, honestly. I certainly would explain to your Mom, again in private, why you reacted and that you expect her to never do that again. But to assume from a "light tap" that it would be dangerous or inappropriate to leave her with your mother seems a bit excessive ... unless you actually don't trust that your mother won't do it again or that she can be even more harsh.

Becca


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## jadedone80 (Feb 28, 2008)

Good for you!
Protect your child from EVERYONE!

She hit your child in public - you were totally right to take an immediate stand, regardless who else is around.
It is more embarassing and demeaning for a child to be reprimanded in public than a mature adult.


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## Maeve (Feb 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cutie Patootie* 
Absolutely the right thing to do, especially in public, I think. I would also think twice about leaving her alone with your dd.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elijah's Mom* 
That strikes me as an over-reaction, honestly. I certainly would explain to your Mom, again in private, why you reacted and that you expect her to never do that again. But to assume from a "light tap" that it would be dangerous or inappropriate to leave her with your mother seems a bit excessive ... unless you actually don't trust that your mother won't do it again or that she can be even more harsh.

Becca


I agree. I do think refusing to ever leave her alone with your mom would be a bit much....this time. If after making yourself clear she didn't respect your wishes, then I would seriously rethink unsupervised visits.


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## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

Thanks everyone, I feel much better! It still confuses me since I don't remember ever being hit as a child and it was definitely the first time I saw her do this to dd. You just can't confront this woman on anything either; she'll either become angry and defensive or just completely ignore anything I say (crazy, I know, but she does do that!). I don't have to worry right now about leaving dd with her since we live so far away. I'm thinking she now knows loud and clear my thoughts on this subject!


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## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

Well, there has been another incident involving my dad this time so I've made the decision to not leave my kids in their care. This trip has been enlightening and very difficult. I've always tried to defend my parents because I didn't want to face the truth that they made some huge mistakes with me and my siblings. I didn't want to admit that my dad's drinking and both of their emotional abandonment affected me much. But it really has, and I don't want my kids to experience it. I wish I wasn't stuck here!


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *unimatrix0* 
Well, there has been another incident involving my dad this time so I've made the decision to not leave my kids in their care. This trip has been enlightening and very difficult. I've always tried to defend my parents because I didn't want to face the truth that they made some huge mistakes with me and my siblings. I didn't want to admit that my dad's drinking and both of their emotional abandonment affected me much. But it really has, and I don't want my kids to experience it. I wish I wasn't stuck here!


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Can you find things to do out of the house as much as possible until it's possible to end the trip? Maybe try in FYT for the area and see if some other MDC mamas want to hang out.


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## tubulidentata2 (Aug 6, 2006)

There is nothing like visiting family (and having to live with them, because your home is far away) once you have children to enlighten you and bring up forgotten memories. The good news is, I believe, it will help you to understand yourself and your parenting goals better, and it will be a form of assertiveness training for you!

Also, if you used to pine to move back "home", it might remove that longing







.

For what it is worth, my father was and is an alcoholic. It can be pretty eye-opening to realize that it did influence the person you have become. You might want to take a look at the book _Perfect Daughters_. I'm not sure how much your parents influenced you, but I found myself shocked and relieved when I read the first chapter or two.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tubulidentata2* 









There is nothing like visiting family (and having to live with them, because your home is far away) once you have children to enlighten you and bring up forgotten memories. The good news is, I believe, it will help you to understand yourself and your parenting goals better, and it will be a form of assertiveness training for you!

This is a great point and has been my experience. For however much I detest the way sometimes family members treat DS, or question our choices as a family, when I step away from it, I find my resolve to continue our well-chosen path strengthened and reaffirmed.

I have found over the years that my "quiet confidence" has eased the questions, but the sometimes mind-boggling behavior of adults in my family toward DS still grates... Luckily, DS being older now, we can discuss things in a way that DS can really understand why some people are the way they are. This has helped a lot.

The best,
Em


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## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

I've actually been feeling better about my mothering because I know that I am bonded with my children and I'm always striving to acknowledge their feelings.

I wish I could spend more time out; they live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere! They live about an hour away from my old hometown. I'm going to see if I can make it there to see a few friends tomorrow.

tubulidentata2, it's really interesting that you mention the pining to move back home. We just moved to a new city about 4 months ago and I've been having a difficult time adjusting. I've wanted to run back home so we have family around to help, but this trip has snapped me out of that! I'm determined to make things work in my new life.







And thank you for the book recommendation; I'll definitely read it if I can find it!


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## GradysMom (Jan 7, 2007)

I would have done the same, no regrets.

You are your daughters protector, and no other, and establishing this firmly is very important. Both your daughter and your mother needed to see your GUT reaction. IMHO.

Whether you love your mother to death or not, feel embarassed for her but now you are very clear with eachother.

I applaud the fact that you didn't hesitate to address the problem.

Brave momma


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## SkyMomma (Jul 13, 2006)

I know you've already gotten alot of posts, but I just needed to add that I think you did the absolutely right thing. Not only did you set a strong & necessary boundary with your mom, but you showed your child that you are her protector/advocate. What a great lesson she learned--that no-one has the right to hit her!


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## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

Thank you


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## hmkrueger (Jun 14, 2006)

I can relate!

How's your visit going now, or have you returned home?


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## Bellejar (Oct 2, 2005)

I guarentee she won't do it again, at least not in front of you.








If that is the end result I doubt you overreacted. Now if you had swung at her or something....


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## unimatrix0 (May 30, 2006)

Sorry, I didn't come back here for a while! I've been back home for a couple of weeks now. The visit was awful but it really helped me to move on. I've been pining to go home, but not anymore. I'm ready to really have my own life now, and it feels great!
thanks everyone


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## sothisislove (Jun 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elijah's Mom* 
That strikes me as an over-reaction, honestly. I certainly would explain to your Mom, again in private, why you reacted and that you expect her to never do that again. But to assume from a "light tap" that it would be dangerous or inappropriate to leave her with your mother seems a bit excessive ... unless you actually don't trust that your mother won't do it again or that she can be even more harsh.

Becca

I agree. I would talk to your mother and explain the reasoning behind your beliefs.


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## dex_millie (Oct 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 









It may have been a little over the top considering it was in public... BUT I think I would have done the same.

-Angela









:


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## momofmine (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *unimatrix0* 
Sorry, I didn't come back here for a while! I've been back home for a couple of weeks now. The visit was awful but it really helped me to move on. I've been pining to go home, but not anymore. I'm ready to really have my own life now, and it feels great!
thanks everyone









It's hard once we become mothers if we don't have our own mothers or mother figure to turn to for guidance and support. Especially if the support or guidance we would get is NOT what we would do. Sometimes we, as mothers, just want to someone to mother us too. But you also can find much mothering from within, and from other mothers. I hope you can find like-minded moms in your new town, and that can help. I have also found that when I turn to other mothers who may be a bit older than me, or at least further along in the journey (with older kids), it helps me to hear their advice and perspective.
Good luck!


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I think it's no problem for you to tell your mom that hitting is unacceptable, and I don't care if it's in a public place or not.


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