# Please help! 10 month old "terrible two's"



## Orion'smommy (Jan 31, 2006)

In the past week I have encountered problems with my 10 month old DS and I have no idea how to solve them.

(He has been walking now for 2 months and is talking some)

1:

We were at Island of Adventure and he took my wallet out of my purse and began to empty all of the contents onto the sidewalk. So I took it away from him and gave him something else to play with. He then ever so softly say on the pavement, layed down, and started to SREAM. He throws these temper tantrums anytime we take anything away from him he is not allowed to play with.

Do I ignore them? Pick him up and consul him?

I do not feel right consuling him when he is having a temper tantrum because I took something away, but then I do not feel right letting him cry. He is only 10 months old so sometimes I get so confused because he acts so much older but he is still a baby.

2:
We just moved into a new house and he throws everything over the banister down to the first level.

We have tried distraction but he goes right back to the railing and begins throwing toys again. My DH yelled at him last night to "frighten" him from doing it again but I told him not to yell at our 10 month old, and how would you like it if I yelled at you. Then my DH told me that he has heard me shot at our DS before.

We then decided we do not want a yelling household, but we have NO IDEA how to deal with a 10 month old going through the "terrible 2's"


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

DS just turned a year old yesterday, and like your son he began throwing tantrums around 10 months. This is how *we* have handled them:

1. Recognize and accept that baby is smart and has emotions and feelings just like anyone else-age doesnt change this except that baby cannot express himself like a 2yo can. This makes the situation more delicate and difficult, I think, for us as parents to understand and handle correctly.

2. When baby does something "wrong", we gently tell him "no" and redirect his attention to something else. Example: Paddy likes to grab dh's glasses because they are shiny. DH catches his hand before he can get them, says "no", Paddy screams but only for a second until we give him something else to play with. Remember that they are only learning and exploring- babies dontt do anything "wrong" or "bad"- although we may feel that way when the glasses are smudged and bent laying on the floor!

3. It DOES get better. Im convinced parents like ourselves might just be spared the "terrible twos' when our kids really are two. Paddy has made huge strides in expressing his wants and needs, and gestures to things now instead of throwing inexplainable fits when someone doesnt take him to see the flower, toy, etc...

4. It might seem pointless-but explaining to baby why he isnt allowed to play with certain things makes a difference. Paddy is 12 months old and he will get quiet and look at me when Im explaining something. It calms him down and also gets him accustomed to listening to us when its important. When he throws himself on the floor and thrashes around, I do pick him up or try to console him- mostly out of fear he will harm himself, but also because I identify with his frustration and believe he will learn better if he isnt left to let those feelings get the best of him.

Paddy is still adjusting to life with a sibling. The first week after his brother was born was pure hell. He threw tantrums I didnt know a baby his age was capable of- getting himself so upset he refused to eat or poop. Like I said it does get better. This is the second week, and he has returned to his old self and even wants to play with henri ( but fusses a little because he cant- all he does is poke him







)

hang in there mama!!!


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## canadiangranola (Oct 1, 2004)

I would comfort him. It doesn't mean you give the object back that you took away b/c he is sad/angry, but you are with him in his frustration and anger. Try to imagine how scary it must be to have such strong emotions that you need to express, but to not have the words to express them...so much so that thye come out in your body to be expressed. I think "tantrum" often has negative connotations, and that our kids are often just trying to let out all those bad feelings.

In terms of the bannister...why not give him things he is allowed to throw over the bannister.....a big bucket of socks, faceclothes, soft balls, balls of paper....whatever. Most likely he is just exploring throwing and watching falling objects, and if you can give him a safe way to practice throwing and explore the whole gravity thing, this one will probably take care of itself. Dos it hurt anything that he is throwing things over the banister?

Good luck, it must be hard to have such a little one so frustrated with the limitations in life.
Anno


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## Orion'smommy (Jan 31, 2006)

Thanks for the help. I will try your suggestions.


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## RootBeerFloat (Nov 22, 2005)

I only have a second . . . sorry. We went through some bumps around this age and The Aware Baby by Aletha Sotler was really helpful for us, I recommend it. http://www.awareparenting.com/


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## SugarAndSun (Feb 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *canadiangranola*
In terms of the bannister...why not give him things he is allowed to throw over the bannister.....a big bucket of socks, faceclothes, soft balls, balls of paper....whatever. Most likely he is just exploring throwing and watching falling objects, and if you can give him a safe way to practice throwing and explore the whole gravity thing, this one will probably take care of itself. Dos it hurt anything that he is throwing things over the banister?
Anno

I hate to disagree, but I don't think this is a good idea. In my experience,it wouldbe too hard for a child that age to distinguish between what is ok to throw over and what is not. Also, you may not even want him throwing socks if grandma is below.







I find it useful to say danger in situations like that.It is different than no in that I only useit is ds or someone else could really be hurt by the action.

If anything, I would bring him outside and let him throw things there.


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

I think the very first step is to remove "throwing tantrums" from your paradigm.

Can you think of it as "expressing frustration" and move from there?

He has NO CLUE how to deal with ANY kind of frustration, dissapointment, anger, etc. at this point. His only means is crying and letting the feelings course through his body.

Wouldn't you comfort me if you saw me learning to knit, for example, and I couldn't get it right and stood up and threw the knitting down on the couch and cursed? Wouldn't you say, "Whoah, are you OK? What's up? Knitting can be a b*tch, huh? Can I show you something that helped me when I was learning?" While you were scooping up the knitting from the floor and offering a kindly outstretched hand.

Obviously, my behavior in that scenario wouldn't be *ideal*, but would you ignore me in that moment to "teach me a lesson?" Or perhaps afterwards, you would say, "Monkey's mom, I wanted to talk to about the situation with the knitting today. It made me uncomfortable the way you handled yourself. When you threw the needles on the floor, they scratched it. And I really don't like to hear the kind of cursing you used."

That's the way I *try* to approach my kids having "tantrums."

In your examples, I would try to offer something to replace the wallet *before* I took the wallet, and I would offer things that he could throw through the bannister (it has very much been my experience that kids can differentiate betw. different items, different homes, different scenarios--provided you are giving them the pertinent information!).

Hope that helps! Hang in there!

And you may want to start saving your pennies now for _Raising Your Spirited Child: A guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic_ by Mary SHeedy Kurcinka.


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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom*
I think the very first step is to remove "throwing tantrums" from your paradigm.

Can you think of it as "expressing frustration" and move from there?

He has NO CLUE how to deal with ANY kind of frustration, dissapointment, anger, etc. at this point. His only means is crying and letting the feelings course through his body.

Wouldn't you comfort me if you saw me learning to knit, for example, and I couldn't get it right and stood up and threw the knitting down on the couch and cursed? Wouldn't you say, "Whoah, are you OK? What's up? Knitting can be a b*tch, huh? Can I show you something that helped me when I was learning?" While you were scooping up the knitting from the floor and offering a kindly outstretched hand.

Obviously, my behavior in that scenario wouldn't be *ideal*, but would you ignore me in that moment to "teach me a lesson?" Or perhaps afterwards, you would say, "Monkey's mom, I wanted to talk to about the situation with the knitting today. It made me uncomfortable the way you handled yourself. When you threw the needles on the floor, they scratched it. And I really don't like to hear the kind of cursing you used."

That's the way I *try* to approach my kids having "tantrums."

In your examples, I would try to offer something to replace the wallet *before* I took the wallet, and I would offer things that he could throw through the bannister (it has very much been my experience that kids can differentiate betw. different items, different homes, different scenarios--provided you are giving them the pertinent information!).

Hope that helps! Hang in there!

And you may want to start saving your pennies now for _Raising Your Spirited Child: A guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic_ by Mary SHeedy Kurcinka.

















:

I know it can be hard mama. And it also can be hard to remember that 10mo is nowhere near the developmental level of a 2yo (that is a whole 'nother story as well







)

I often reminded myself of the huge change in everything in our house a newborn brought. And how we did not think twice about comforting the baby that seemingly had everything - fed, changed, slept, played with. You babe has only 10 mo "experience" in this life









Throwing things... it's way to early to teach him what's "appropriate" and what's not. Now he is still at the "what happens to the things when they fall from up high?" learning stage and not at the "how should I fit in the soceity" learning stage.

They are little physicists at this age, that is how the wonderful mother nature "wired" us humans. (In a few years they become socioligists, that's a lot of fun too







)

I agree with suggestions on trying to find things he CAN throw from up high and BABYPROOF other things (he is very much still a baby)


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## Orion'smommy (Jan 31, 2006)

Thanks! I used the word tantrums for lack of a better word at the moment. Thanks for reminding me that he is trying to express himself and has no idea how to other than by crying.


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## Orion'smommy (Jan 31, 2006)

I just purchased the Aware Baby book and the Tears and Tantrums book. I am looking forward to reading them!


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