# Sleeping Issues On Nanny 911



## KnitterMama (Mar 31, 2005)

I've heard talk of this show before, but have never seen it before because we don't have cable or anything. Tonight while I was at my Ma's house I saw most of this show and I'm appalled.







: They had a family on with (I believe it was) a 3 year old and a 5 year old. The mother typically slept with them and they had two beds pushed together to make one big bed.

I'm not sure what the reasoning was (missed the first part of the show), but the Nanny told them they HAD to sleep by themselves and they HAD to do it immediately. (There was a lot of "independence this and independence that" talk going on.) So, after sleeping with each other as well as their Mom for their whole lives (I believe) she couldn't sleep with them anymore and they moved the beds apart. The poor boys were understandably very upset and crying for their Mom to come and sleep with them.







If they got out of bed they were put in time out in another room as punishment. It was SO SAD.







I wanted to climb in the television and comfort them. The Mother appeared REALLY upset as well, and eventually laid down with the boys to sleep and calm them down (she musta heard me yelling at the TV :LOL ).

At the end of the episode they split the boys into two separate rooms. They did employ one good tactic which was getting the boys involved in decorating their new rooms...but that's about all I agree with. The rest of this show was so heartbreaking. Why do we pressure 5 year olds to be independent and then complain when they are teenagers and don't want to talk to us?


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## bensmommie (May 3, 2005)

and I have been sitting here so annoyed that this woman is telling them the children have an unhealthy attachment to their parents, the parents coddle them too much, blah blah blah...
And why is it so horrible that a 3 and 5 year old share a room???
I mean, the boys did seem okay with separate rooms after they had to move, but it still annoyed me that the nanny acts like they have to have separate rooms NOW or good god, they are gonna go to college sleeping with their mother....


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

: Yuck! When we saw the preview I said to my mom..."I bet the first thing they say is: 'Get those kids outta that bed.'" LAME!


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## ChasingPeace (Oct 19, 2003)

I had to turn it off--it was too heartbreaking. I can understand that if co-sleeping is not working for the family, it should be re-evaluated, and gradually changed. But these kids had so much change thrust upon them at once (no co-sleeping w/mommy, no sippy cups, etc.). I don't see how that could be healthy. I was more concerned about them hitting the dog ("Dude"! What a name) and their whining. And if Nanny said "they're too attached to their parents" one more time, I was going to vomit. I changed the channel.


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

I hate all these shows! I watched it because my dd wanted to watch it and see how bad it really is. She wasn't disapointed. There were so many things I saw that could confused and hurt the children. I understand the mom and dad wanting to spend some time together and mom wanted to get out of bed with the boys. That was the main issue and I agree if mom and dad were so unhappy, somthing needed to change.

The WAY nanny went about that change didn't make any sense. The idea that the children were being "naughty" and needed to be "punished" if they got out of bed was crazy! ANd if they got out of bed, mom took them out of the bedroom and put them in time-out in another room. That was developmentally inappropriate. Besides being cruel and confusing, if what she was doing was behavior modification, she was doing it badly. If you are three years old and you want to keep from going to slepp, all you have to do it get out of bed and mom gives you her whole attention, you get to get up out of bed and play for a few minutes in another room. Talk about re-enforcing the behavior you want to end! And nanny was confused as to why this wasn't effective...it never helped over the whole 5 days!

I also didn't understand taking away the sippy cups. I would have maybe taken away the milk inside and turned it to water but besides that why take them away? Who cares if they drink at night! Why is that even an issue?

Uh...I do agree that mom and dad did need some help with their parenting practices...but nanny didn't really give them any useful tools. No talk about routine, a bedtime ritual, she seemed to be focused on a quick fix, I'm sure to get a "good" show!
I bet two nights after nanny left everything fell apart at night again.

Nanny's idea of what good parenting is was so awful! Being firm and being mean aren't the same thing! And I don't think those boys were "the best minipulators I have ever seen" I think those boys didn't understand why they were being punished for wanting their mom! That idea drives me crazy!

The Cult of Indivigualism strikes again! God forbid that a child would need their parent for anything!


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## KnitterMama (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BathrobeGoddess*
I also didn't understand taking away the sippy cups. I would have maybe taken away the milk inside and turned it to water but besides that why take them away? Who cares if they drink at night! Why is that even an issue?

I know! Seems like enforcing authority just for the sake of it, kwim?

Quote:

Uh...I do agree that mom and dad did need some help with their parenting practices...but nanny didn't really give them any useful tools. No talk about routine, a bedtime ritual, she seemed to be focused on a quick fix, I'm sure to get a "good" show!
I bet two nights after nanny left everything fell apart at night again.

Nanny's idea of what good parenting is was so awful! Being firm and being mean aren't the same thing! And I don't think those boys were "the best minipulators I have ever seen" I think those boys didn't understand why they were being punished for wanting their mom! That idea drives me crazy!
Yeah, she just seemed cruel. They didn't show the children interacting with her too much, but when they did it didn't seem like a happy interaction. They looked intimidated and hurt.

Quote:

The Cult of Indivigualism strikes again! God forbid that a child would need their parent for anything!
I know! Just horrible, horrible, horrible. My Mom thought I was going crazy because I was yelling at the TV so much (plus she probably didn't agree with me). Gave her a good chance to get an idea of what I'm about though. Especially when I said "So what if they DO sleep with her until they're in college??".

I do agree though that if the family needed things to change for their own reasons, then sure. Change away. But do it gradually and gently, don't bring in a drill sargeant to boss your and your children around and "train" them into submission.







:

Ugh. This is why I don't have TV. :LOL My blood pressure couldn't take it.


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## mama24-7 (Aug 11, 2004)

I caught the Nanny lady on Oprah one day and knew that I wasn't going to like much of what she had to say after I heard her talking about "sleep separation." I wonder what her response would be to an adult who says they don't like sleeping alone?

There was another person who recommended the show to me who said it's all about "love and consistency." From what I've heard, there is nothing loving about what the nanny does. I'd like to watch it out of curiosity, but can't see wasting my sleep time.

Sus


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## EmsMom (Dec 13, 2001)

I have never seen any of these shows. But I have to question the sanity of anyone who would turn over their young children to anyone else to discipline. What is going on with parents?


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## hunnybumm (Nov 1, 2003)

Ok, I guess I will go a little against the grain here. I definitly don't agree with a lot of the things that the nanny does, but all of the family's I have seen so far really need help. I get confused between the two nanny shows that are on different channels, so forgive me if I am mixing them up. BUT the nanny's on that show are 90% nicer to the kids than most of my friends/family are to theirs. They are completely against physical punishment, yelling, hitting, screaming, name calling, etc. I would say they are inbetween AP and 'main stream' parenting.

That said, I believe completely tearing a child away from ANY comfort object in a short amount of time is just mean and tramatizing. Whether it is a bottle, pacifier, lovey, breast or simply sleeping with mommy. The one thing that bothers me more than anything is to expect a child to be sucking on a paci 24/7 and/or drinking out of a sippy and/or sleeping with mom, one day, then to completely remove it the next day. It's just mean. That is why the word 'weaning' is so important.

Now, that being said...







If the mom and/or dad is not happy with the sleeping arrangments then something needs to change. Was the mom and/or dad complaining about the kids sleeping with them? I know all of the shows I have seen so far where there were 'sleep issues' (if that's what you want to call them) the parents were complaing and weren't happy with the arrangment.


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## Dawn-o-might (Apr 24, 2005)

I usually really like nanny 911. But I have to admit when I saw the previews for this episode, I was a little worried. I am a strong supporter of co-sleeping and I was expecting to disagree completely with the nanny's advice to this family, even before I watched it. When it started I was thinking here we go again with the dependency/sleep training issue. But I forced myself to face my own prejudgices and keep an open mind, especially since I usually agree with the nannys' advice.

While I totally agree that the transition would have been more positive if the transition been more gentle and gradual, I think that it was effective and for the most part the children seemed to transition well after the initial shock. They only had one week to accomplish a change, after all. Now, I know that cry-it-out can seem to be "effective" but that doesn't make it healthy or good for a child's emotional well being. That is not what I am getting at (I am very against CIO). But after watching the children feed off of one an others emotions and noticing how they stopped crying when mom left the room, I started to agree that this was possibly a behavior issue as opposed to a fear or abandonment issue. I also kept in mind that these children were four and five years old. I think that this would have been more traumatic for a younger child.

I have personally been struggling with the issue of how to use gentle discipline without becoming overly permissive in my own home. And I am coming to the conclusion that limit setting is a necessary part of the equation. I was not so sure about the time-outs for getting out of bed, but at the moment I cannot think of what other way the mom could have enforced consequences.


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

I have personally been struggling with the issue of how to use gentle discipline without becoming overly permissive in my own home. And I am coming to the conclusion that limit setting is a necessary part of the equation. I was not so sure about the time-outs for getting out of bed, but at the moment I cannot think of what other way the mom could have enforced consequences.
Well, I have some ideas! My Masters is in Early Childhood Development and Early Intervention. I even focus on problem behaviors!!! Trust me...what she did was not anything close to a long term fix or developmentally appropriate!

I know that many "behavior problems" are issues with fear and abandonment. Young children often don't understand what they are feeling. CAn they name their feelings, tell you what if feels like in their body when they have them? If they can't they need help with figuring out how to dealwith their feelings and punishing them just tells them that their feelings are bad to have and bad to express. Not a happy message to get!
Getting to the root of the problem is so much more important than quick-fix behavior modifications. It is the difference between a long-term solution behavior support plan and a short-term band-aid solution.

Here are somethings I would have done AFTER finding out if the can name their feelings, teaching a feeling vocabulary, and coping skills...

1. begin a routine, keeping everything the same otherwise (milk, mom, beds)-do this for 3 days

2. continue routine, change one thing, like change milk to water in cups. Again 3 days

3. continue routine, change another thing, like mom doesn't lay in bed. 3 more days.

4. continue routine, change final thing, move apart beds...

Then look at the success...Is it working? What pieces aren't? Why? What can be changed?

Maybe they need visual reminders like a picture schedual on the wall.

Maybe they need verbal prompts by mom and dad to remind them of what happens next.

Maybe they need something like a bedtime timer so the know how long mom will sit there.

Maybe he needs lots of attention when he is caught being good. (which is my guess since they both calmed down when they each had the undivided attention of mom or dad)
An example of a good consequences is that when he cries and gets up mom ignors him and gives the attention to the other child. The really key thing here though is to make sure you catch your child being good when there aren't enganging in the problem behavior. So, the second he gets on his bed, make a huge deal out of it...I mean over the top big deal!!! Now he is getting the attention while he is doing what you want him to do! Positive, posivtive, positive!

I came up with this off the top of my head...if I can do it in 10 mins nanny can do it in 7 days!!!!


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## Dawn-o-might (Apr 24, 2005)

Bathrobegoddess,
You made a really good point!
That is what makes this board so great. Where else can you run ideas by other parents who are searching for ways to provide structure and discipline for their children, while maintaining and building their children's self-esteem?!
My DS is just 10 months old so we aren't having these issues right now, but I have been putting myself in situations that I notice in my daily life (ei. at the store, playground, family situations and television) which may be a conflict for me in the future, in order to decide how I might handle them. You helped me to remember something that I had forgotten for the moment; that the most important issue with discipline is focusing on the cause of the problem not just the symptoms.
I like the plan you laid out much better than the nanny's solution, and it addressed the main problem that has been addressed about the show; gradual and gentle transition.
Thanks for helping me in my quest to develop a personal discipline plan that allows me to keep my child's dignity intact.


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## fyrflymommy (Jan 20, 2003)

I can't stand these Nanny shows. I've seen 2 or 3 episodes of 2 different shows and was appalled at the nannies...

fyrfly


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