# Would this make you uncomfortable?



## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I had this really coherent, long post written out and something funky happened and its gone.....grrrr....so, in brief, I am wondering about an issue that's come up AGAIN with my parents.

Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.

I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.

Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."

Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.

Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.

or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.

my father tells me to humor her.

When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.

all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?

What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

OMG. No, mama. This is NOT normal. At all.

I assume you are staying there because you have to. Try to find a place ASAP (even a shelter at this point). If you must stay there, do NOT let your son out of your sight. Sleep with him. Do NOT let your parents near him when he's on the potty.

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this and have been for years! If you have a friend or other relative you can stay with, please call them tonight and see if you can stay there.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

no, that stuff is not normal. i think if things are setting off concerns for you, it is time to move on. i remember reading a number of your posts, and i feel for you in your situation. i agree with the PP, that a shelter sounds like a much better place for you at this point. somewhere you are treated with respect and impartiality. you will never change your parents, and if they hurt you they will hurt your child(ren).


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## fresh_veggie (Jan 27, 2009)

Not, not normal mama. I'm so sorry. This is abuse. Please be safe, and keep your son safe.


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## infraread (Jun 3, 2003)

I don't know about "most mothers," but from what you've written I believe yours is either oblivious to your discomfort or she's taking some kind of pleasure from making you uncomfortable. Because this behavior is making you feel like this, then it is _not acceptable._ Period. Go with your gut on this.


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## sinsaratea (May 14, 2004)

Wow. It would be one thing if you were cool with this sort of... familiarity. But you aren't. No I don't think you are overreacting. I got the creeps just reading it. Esp the questions about your sex life. Jeez!

Hugs to you mama.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

To answer you question about intimacy: I would have an intimate relationship with dd as long as she was comfy and it wasn't going overboard. If she asked me an opinion "Mom, can you see my panty line? Should I change?" I'd respond honestly. I may suggest she change clothes w/o her asking if I felt it didn't flatter her....but I would never ever point out her underwear/breasts to her father and ask his opinion like that. The comment about your father saying your nipples were straight out? OMFG! No way!


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

I think the truest measure of whether something or someone is out of line is how you feel about it. Your parents' comments made you uncomfortable..... therefore, you have the right to ask them and expect them to stop. Period.

It doesn't matter if what makes you uncomfortable is more or less than what makes someone else uncomfortable. All that matters is when your uncomfortable "line" is crossed, it's crossed, and everyone else needs to back off.

Although, if boundaries have always been blurred in your family, that may be easier said than done.

Comments like these have never been made in my family (although we're not open at all about this kind of stuff), and I would be horrified if I were in your shoes. It sounds like there's a lot going on underneath the surface in your family.

I wish you peace.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

How long until you get to your own place? Is that still going to happen?

It does sound like they have some unhealthy fixation on sexual stuff. Just keep your distance as much as possible until you get to the new place.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

woah!!!! not normal at all. however if extremely old fashioned i can see this being normal on their part. however the way they say them is soooo icky. its not even abnormal. its beyond that.

- sending a 3rd party to tell you on stage that ur vagina was showing.

- woah, your nipples are hard as rocks

- mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex








: mama. my heart breaks for you to go thru ur whole childhood like that and even now. OMG!!!! it is soooo creepy.

it is sooo not healthy for you to live there - still dealing with all those comments. let alone your son. esp. dealing with broken marriage and pregnancy hormones.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
How long until you get to your own place? Is that still going to happen?

It does sound like they have some unhealthy fixation on sexual stuff. Just keep your distance as much as possible until you get to the new place.

We are going to move in sometime this coming weekend, hopefully. I'm just at a point where I'm too tired to deal with all the ridiculousness....my mom keeps saying I need to leave ds in his room all night which I refuse to do in this house. I'm tempted to telll her I'm doing it and then stay up to see what happens.....she used to "make rounds" as she called it in the middle of the night when I was a kid, to see what everyone was doing. um, sleeping??? it just bothers me. I want to know what the REAL deal is.


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

Um, NO, that is NOT normal! How much longer do you have to stay there?


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## Sarah_Lee (May 15, 2009)

No not normal, and obviously you are uncomfortable with it, I would trust your instincts, maybe it is innocent and all, but if it puts you on edge like that it's still wrong.


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Read this

http://www.geocities.com/zpg1957/narcissists.htm


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.

umm...yeah - so it should.

Quote:

Would that exchange make you uncomfortable?
Uncomfortable?? It would make me furious - but, yeah - I'd also be uncomfortable.

Quote:

Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.
Totally, totally, totally out of line.

Quote:

or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit".
Don't. She can't make you, unless she physically forces you, in which case you should call the police and charge her with assault. And, yes - I'm serious.

Quote:

When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.
Totally and utterly not any of their business. Tell them so - clearly.

Quote:

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?
It's not a harmless comment. It's totally inappropriate.

Quote:

What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?
Hell, no! If my mother behaved like that with me, I'd go ape - not that she would. I'm of the opinion that my bff's mom has serious boundary issues...and she wouldn't even come close to this level of privacy invasion.

Mama...I get posters mixed up sometimes, but aren't you the same one whose father had your income tax refund deposited into his own account?

The story you describe from 10th grade is grotesque...absolutely grotesque. Your mom has been messing with your sexuality for a long time, to a degree that I consider sexually abusive, whether you were physically molested or not.

Honestly, your parents are really sick, and if you weren't used to it, you wouldn't even be asking us about this. I know your life is a mess right now, but get out. Whatever it takes, get out.


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

Um no. So Sorry you have to deal with this along with all the other stuff going on in your life! Sheesh!

I just got all the hairs on my arms and neck stand up reading your post- major No-No- Flags went off







I'm so sorry.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
woah!!!! not normal at all. however if extremely old fashioned i can see this being normal on their part. however the way they say them is soooo icky. its not even abnormal. its beyond that.

Totally.

I could see a very old-fashioned parent telling their daughter to change their underwear or that a shirt was indecent...but calling your dad's attention to the state of your nipples?? Asking your dad's opinion on whether or not your underwear is visible?? I wouldn't tolerate most of this kind of thing from dh, let alone from my parents!!

Eeww...the more I think about this, the more it's creeping me out. This is just...obscene...

Quote:

- sending a 3rd party to tell you on stage that ur vagina was showing.

- woah, your nipples are hard as rocks

- mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex
Yeah - all so far outside anything resembling a healthy boundary that I have no words for it.

Quote:









: mama. my heart breaks for you to go thru ur whole childhood like that and even now. OMG!!!! it is soooo creepy.
Yeah
































Quote:

it is sooo not healthy for you to live there - still dealing with all those comments. let alone your son. esp. dealing with broken marriage and pregnancy hormones.
I agree completely.

Oh, mama - get out of there. These people are horribly toxic and destructive.


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## Jojo F. (Apr 7, 2007)

To me, that's a little extreme. My mother and I have a different relationship, she was never that strict about my clothes. Personally, I can't wait to have the little girl who wears her tutu, boots, tights, and carries a wand for over a week straight, whatever her heats desire









But, my mom once saw my drawer full of thongs, she was horrified and thought I stripped







Gawd, I'm not comfortable dancing fully clothed in front of people let alone naked







: I had to reassure her I wasn't














Sometimes I think moms worry a lot about the integrity of their daughters because well, we're their daughters, kwim? She may see you as a better version of her, you doing all of the things she wished she had done, succeed above all of her expectations







Or SHE knows how SHE was when SHE was your age, thinks twice about what she had done, and hopes you don't maker her mistakes







Or yet another, her mom was just as strict and for some reason she feels the need to uphold that level of "morality" (age and period go into play)

Age might play a role in your mother's reaction about clothing. Can I be so bold as to ask your mother's age? Generally, the older the woman the more modest and strict she is about what someone wears, IME.

As for the molestation....







To think something like that may have happened is not a good feeling and I hope with all of my heart you find peace and healing. It wasn't your fault and you know your children will be safe from harms way.


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## Jojo F. (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
Read this

http://www.geocities.com/zpg1957/narcissists.htm

Ug, that sounds EXACTLY like my aunt. She used to yell at me for the way I peed in the toilet







Yes, she watched to make sure we did it right, WTF?! My cousins are so dear to me, we literally grew up like siblings with me spending most of my time with them, it really makes me hate my aunt.

And thinking through it all again, it is such a toxic relationship







Among my cousins, I do know there was sexual abuse


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jojo F.* 

Age might play a role in your mother's reaction about clothing. Can I be so bold as to ask your mother's age? Generally, the older the woman the more modest and strict she is about what someone wears, IME.

As for the molestation....







To think something like that may have happened is not a good feeling and I hope with all of my heart you find peace and healing. It wasn't your fault and you know your children will be safe from harms way.

My mom will be 60 this year. They are very straightlaced, "uptight" (for lack of a better word) people. But my mom is OBSESSED with undergarments and how people look in them, and whether they fit right. Never mind that she dressed me inn outdated clothes, forced me to go to school wearing a little girl's slip and tights--no bra-- when I was 12 and 13 years old to get humiliated in the locker rooms at school. It's all about the underwear. She will still tell me to pull up my dress so she can see how my underwear fits, and I'm 22.

She comments all the time on how she can see people's panties under their clothes, or their nipples, or their bra wasn't the right kind. i have never known anyone who cared as much as she does about those things.

I'm sure my friend was astounded to have someone else's mother give her granny panties and basically imply that she was immodest.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
My mom will be 60 this year. They are very straightlaced, "uptight" (for lack of a better word) people. But my mom is OBSESSED with undergarments and how people look in them, and whether they fit right. Never mind that she dressed me inn outdated clothes, forced me to go to school wearing a little girl's slip and tights--no bra-- when I was 12 and 13 years old to get humiliated in the locker rooms at school. It's all about the underwear. She will still tell me to pull up my dress so she can see how my underwear fits, and I'm 22.

If you're doing this, stop now. I know you have a problem, because this is an established pattern, but your mom is way outside normal boundaries. How your underwear fits is absolutely none of her business. It's none of her business whether or not you have any on!

Quote:

She comments all the time on how she can see people's panties under their clothes, or their nipples, or their bra wasn't the right kind. i have never known anyone who cared as much as she does about those things.
Think about this for a second. If you were talking about a man, most people would probably be assuming he was some kind of sexual predator. Honestly...the more you say about your mother, the more she creeps me out.

Quote:

I'm sure my friend was astounded to have someone else's mother give her granny panties and basically imply that she was immodest.
umm...if that had been me, I may or may not have said anything to you, but I'd have tried hard to totally avoid your mom after that...and I wouldn't have ever set foot in your house again.

And, none of this screams "uptight and in her 60s". It screams "creepy". I'm beginning to realize that I have a lot of gender assumptions in my makeup that I didn't know were there, because if this was a man we were talking about, I'd have no doubt that he's a sexual predator, yet I'm hesitant to say that about your mom.

Mind you, some of your dad's comments are equally creepy, and the fact that he has presumably stood by all these years while your mom sexually violated you doesn't say much for him, either.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 

umm...if that had been me, I may or may not have said anything to you, but I'd have tried hard to totally avoid your mom after that...and I wouldn't have ever set foot in your house again.

Well, my mom has this friend's family convinced that I need help that can only be gotten from her (my mom). So they actually encouraged me not to mvoe away from her, because she "is looking out for me." Although....my friend has not said a whole lot to me since that incident happened. Before that, though, they were sold. now, maybe they're not so sure.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Hi, waiting2bemommy. I'm so sorry you are enduring this.









Your parents are sexually and emotionally abusive and I implore you with every bone in my body to never, ever, ever leave them alone with your child. Your mother's insistence that you leave your son to sleep alone, combined with her history of "making rounds" (like a prison guard?) at night is especially disturbing. That and your parents' comments about your body and your sex life and just...ugh, just all of it. ALL of it is bad enough on its own, but taken together it is absolutely horrifying.

Take your child and get out of there as soon as humanly possible. A women's shelter would be a much better environment for your child. I am completely serious when I say I fear for his sexual and mental safety if he has to spend another night with your parents.









I'm so, so sorry. Please know that this is NOT normal, this is NOT your fault, your parents ARE abusive and sound extremely sick, to say the least. Trust your intuition and get the hell out of Dodge. My heart is racing just from reading your posts. Something is very wrong here.


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## Jojo F. (Apr 7, 2007)

It sounds like your mother has issues of her own she needs to be working through and is now passing them onto you. She seems VERY old fashioned, obsessively. Creepy?, yes, but it still seems\ to me that your mother or father had some serious sh*t going down when they were younger too. KWIM?

Please remove yourself and your family from the situation. I know it's easier said than done but, if at all possible, leave. That's not a healthy environment for you to be in...


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people.

This would make me uncomfortable,

Quote:

At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle.
but this is truly over the top. It frankly makes me feel your mom has mental issues.

Quote:

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?
I don't think you are overreacting. The statement in and of itself is harmless. I remind DS to point his down when he's using the potty, so he doesn't pee on the back of his pants. *However*, considering the history in your family, and the way it's worded "_sticking straight up_" I probably would be freaked by it.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

After you move, are you going to cut yourself off entirely from your parents? I really, REALLY hope so. And honestly, the way your mother and father have acted in the stories in this thread...sound like abuse right there. Yikes! Terrifying!


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I started writing my post before this posted.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Well, my mom has this friend's family convinced that I need help that can only be gotten from her (my mom). So they actually encouraged me not to mvoe away from her, because she "is looking out for me." Although....my friend has not said a whole lot to me since that incident happened. Before that, though, they were sold. now, maybe they're not so sure.

This makes me _really_ worry about you and your childs safety. It is a move to try to prevent you from apearin to be a competent adult. This _may_ be leading up to things like trying to get custody of you DS (can't be sure obviously, but it's a possibility.)

I would leave as soon as possible. A shelter, or a friend are possibilities if you have no way to move out on you own in the near future. Frankly unless you exDH was abusive (in _your_ opnion, not in your parents,) I think you'd be safer with him.


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## straighthaircurly (Dec 17, 2005)

Not normal in my family but I have a friend whose MIL does stuff like this. We all think she is quite "crazy".


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

Read the book "Toxic Parents", it helped me a lot


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

first of all, the fact that you're seeing this as abnormal is great! you are already breaking this unhealthy cycle with your own son.

my mom or i might whisper to my little sister that her bra strap is showing and fix it for her (she's 16) before she leaves the house and my grandma is a little more critical and she might tell another woman in the family that their top looks a little too revealing but that is as far as that kind of thing goes in my family.

good for you for looking out for your child and recognizing this.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Wow, I am so sorry that is happening to you. Please get out ASAP mama, for your son's sake and your own. Not only are your parents abusive, but the fact they try and manipulate your friends to think YOU are the one with a problem, and in need of help, is very concerning too. Please make sure you get out of this abusive cycle, before your children get damaged by it. And get therapy if you can afford it!


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## Adsullata (Dec 22, 2008)

Oh mama, lots and lots of





















to you.

What you describe is NOT old fashioned.

Quote:

my mom or i might whisper to my little sister that her bra strap is showing and fix it for her (she's 16) before she leaves the house and my grandma is a little more critical and she might tell another woman in the family that their top looks a little too revealing...
That's "old fashioned". OP, what you're describing in your mother sounds like sexual obsession and your parents sound mentally sick. I wanted to cry for you and your little boy when I read your post. As other mamas here have wisely said, please please please get you and your precious little one out of there ASAP. You are not presently safe.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

No, that is not at all normal. Not at all. There is something very, very, very wrong there.







: It puts red flags up all over the place, especially as you think you may have been molested but don't remember who.









And bizarrely, the obsession with other people's private parts, in the guise of "concern for modesty" is about as immodest as you can get.

I know a lot of people who believe in modesty very strongly. I know *nobody* who talks about other people's private parts, pesters them about it, draws attention to it. The people I know who are genuinely are concerned about modesty, if they felt someone was egregiously immodest (say, a tight leather miniskirt and braless tank top walking into a Mennonite church), one or two very sweet ladies would kindly take that person out of the public eye and very gently and quietly express their concern. In our church if a lady's skirt is so short that she's flashing the pastor a view of her panties, someone might quietly pass a scarf down to her and whisper the problem so she can cover up without being humiliate. They wouldn't point, or say "Hey, look at her nipples! Oh my, you can see all the way up her crotch in that skirt!".


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## River's mum (Apr 22, 2009)

Not normal, not okay at all!


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## madsommer (Aug 22, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
I had this really coherent, long post written out and something funky happened and its gone.....grrrr....so, in brief, I am wondering about an issue that's come up AGAIN with my parents.

Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.

I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.

Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."

Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.

Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.

or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.

my father tells me to humor her.

When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.

all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?

What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?


I'm actually too in shock to write anything coherent, but wanted to offer you lots of







. This is NOT a healthy relationship and I would seriously considering distancing you and your son from your parents until you have sorted these things out with a professional. Always trust your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

If your dad, stepdad, uncle, or any other male gender person did this you would say and think pervert-abuser-even pediophile.

http://mdsasupport.homestead.com/bls.html

Sexually Abusive Mothers

Mothers often sexually abuse in more than one way, and act independently. The sexual abuse can be violent and physically painful, and take place in the context of emotional and physical abuse as well.

Abusive acts experienced by daughters may include:

Digital penetration or insertion of objects into the vagina or anus
being touched or fondled, or being made to touch or fondle another
oral sex, giving or receiving unnecessary enemas, catheterizations, *application of "medicine" to genitals
being watched,* (emphisis mine) or being forced to watch her mother bathe, dress, and/or masturbate *verbal harassment concerning her sexual development or sexuality* (again the bolding is mine)

Mother-daughter sexual abuse is not about homosexuality. In fact, the vast majority of abusers are married and heterosexual. This form of abuse is about a mother's distorted views about herself and her daughter. The mother may be a survivor of abuse and act out her own experiences with her daughter. *The mother may find it unbearable to see any part of herself in her daughter, and displace her own anger and shame over her sexuality onto her daughter.* The mother often wishes to dominate and control her daughter, while also seeking emotional support from her, sometimes resulting in a reversal of roles.

*******************
I was not sexually abused by my mom emotionally and physically abuse. My dad was physically abusive -- emotionally until he stop drinking. He/we healed he appologized a lot of his abuse was because of alcholism. The hardest part I had to deal with was the abuse my mom did and tries to do. Society doesn't always want to admit that not all mom's have good intentions. You mom (and dad) past ok a long time ago.

This is an intresting blog http://whataboutwhenmomistheabuser.b...-abuse-ii.html

You don't remember your molestor or all the events surrounding the situation......with your mom's behavior don't rule out her just because she is your mom. I don't think your dad is innoccent either. Sexual abuse does not always mean penitration or pictures-- It can be the things you have discribed.


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## Twinklefeet (Mar 19, 2008)

I agree. Not normal, and it doesn't sound like your child is safe. Get OUT of there NOW. Don't go back. And definitely don't let your child out of your sight for ONE SECOND in that house.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

This is an attempt to control through the use of shame. My mom does the same thing, only not as bad. But it's still bad enough that I'm almost estranged from her and limit her access to my children. You are not crazy. It is incredibly unhealthy, and you need to get out as soon as possible.


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## Mama.Pajama (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
We are going to move in sometime this coming weekend, hopefully. I'm just at a point where I'm too tired to deal with all the ridiculousness....my mom keeps saying I need to leave ds in his room all night which I refuse to do in this house. I'm tempted to telll her I'm doing it and then stay up to see what happens.....she used to "make rounds" as she called it in the middle of the night when I was a kid, to see what everyone was doing. um, sleeping??? it just bothers me. I want to know what the REAL deal is.

I wouldn't take the risk of leaving my son alone with them for one second- I would take him to the bathroom and the shower with me. Your parents sound like they are sexual deviants, and from what you said about your past, it sounds like one if not both of them are predators. Please keep your son away from them- move out of their house, distance yourself from them, and get some help for yourself asap.


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## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

Oh, mama. It does sound like your parents are predators. It sounds like your mom has some kind of fetish or obsession regarding the whole underwear thing. And it definitely sounds like they are not quite right mentally. I know it sucks and it hurts to have to acknowledge this, but please do, and get out before your son gets sucked into this. This is so very not okay.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AidansMommy1012* 







Oh, mama. It does sound like your parents are predators. It sounds like your mom has some kind of fetish or obsession regarding the whole underwear thing. And it definitely sounds like they are not quite right mentally. I know it sucks and it hurts to have to acknowledge this, but please do, and get out before your son gets sucked into this. This is so very not okay.

It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

*hugs* I went through something similar with my mom, but not to this degree. You are not alone.


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## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

Oh sweetie. You're not crazy. And I'm sure the relationship between you and your parents is complicated. You're still going to love them on some level--they're your parents. But what they are doing is harmful to you and to your son. You can't allow that. You and your son deserve to be safe, to say nothing of privacy and basic RESPECT. Speaking from experience, it can be so hard to distance oneself from a parent, because that means letting go of who you wished your parents had been and acknowledging who they really are. That hurts a lot. But you really do need to do this. For your son's sake if nothing else.


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## labdogs42 (Jan 21, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.



No, it is your mom who is not normal. I think you might want to look into finding a nice therapist to talk to about your mom. of course, I think your mom needs therapy, too, but I can't see that happening! You can only take care of yourself and your DS. Getting therapy and finding out that your relationship with your mother is not normal and doesn't have to be tolerated will go a long way toward healing these emotional wounds. Hugs to you. I hope you get away from her and find a good therapist SOON!


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.

I know that your situation is confusing right now. I wouldn't do anything drastic at this point. You're teetering on the edge of a place where you land in stability or continue with instability. You need to just stick with the plan for right now. When you get to Georgia, then you can get everything together. Right now, you just need to know how to deal with this.

I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.

I know that your situation is confusing right now. I wouldn't do anything drastic at this point. You're teetering on the edge of a place where you land in stability or continue with instability. You need to just stick with the plan for right now. When you get to Georgia, then you can get everything together. Right now, you just need to know how to deal with this.

I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.

Ditto, and please see if you can find a therapist. Protect your son.


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## mermaidmama (Sep 17, 2008)

NOT NORMAL! It is NOT you who is crazy it is them.


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

OMG, I almost threw up reading the original post. Please trust your instincts. I would move (far far far away) and never ever let DS around her alone, and try and get into therapy.







I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

The narcissistic mothers link ... it just makes me so incredibly sad that anyone has to deal with that.


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:

Please trust your instincts.
This, THIS, THIS! If your instincts are up, and trying to warn you, then you need to listen to them.

This post just made my heart sink into my stomach. I feel for you


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
The narcissistic mothers link ... it just makes me so incredibly sad that anyone has to deal with that.









For those of us with narcissistic mothers, it was all we ever knew until we left home (if we were lucky enough to escape). Maybe we should start our own tribe.

OP, I'm not familiar with your previous posts or plans for moving to Georgia (?) but if those plans involve taking help from your parents, particularly financial help, I think you should reevaluate them and come up with a way that you can be completely independent.

YOU are not the crazy one here, okay? Your parents sound totally demented. At the very least they have serious sexual issues and a total lack of respect for your boundaries. And it's not innocent behavior, though I'm certain that's how they try to paint it. Like it's for your own good, right? Nonsense. They get off on this behavior. They like to shame you and they enjoy what they are doing. They may also get a sexual release from tormenting you this way.

I'm not trying to retraumatize you but you need to know how very severe and destructive this situation is. Your parents are sexually abusive. Your child is living with two adults who are sexually abusive. This alone is grounds for concern, particularly if someone who is a mandated reporter finds out about your situation. Even though their behavior is not your fault in any way, your child is in danger, and that's what it comes down to. Do you understand what I'm getting at?

I'm so, so sorry. Please lean on your friends and (healthy) family as much as you need to at this time. Unless your ex was abusive too, he would probably be a much safer person to live with than your parents. Please get out of there ASAP. We'll be thinking of you.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
For those of us with narcissistic mothers, it was all we ever knew until we left home (if we were lucky enough to escape). Maybe we should start our own tribe.

OP, I'm not familiar with your previous posts or plans for moving to Georgia (?) but if those plans involve taking help from your parents, particularly financial help, I think you should reevaluate them and come up with a way that you can be completely independent.

YOU are not the crazy one here, okay? Your parents sound totally demented. At the very least they have serious sexual issues and a total lack of respect for your boundaries. And it's not innocent behavior, though I'm certain that's how they try to paint it. Like it's for your own good, right? Nonsense. They get off on this behavior. They like to shame you and they enjoy what they are doing. They may also get a sexual release from tormenting you this way.

I'm not trying to retraumatize you but you need to know how very severe and destructive this situation is. Your parents are sexually abusive. Your child is living with two adults who are sexually abusive. This alone is grounds for concern, particularly if someone who is a mandated reporter finds out about your situation. Even though their behavior is not your fault in any way, your child is in danger, and that's what it comes down to. Do you understand what I'm getting at?

I'm so, so sorry. Please lean on your friends and (healthy) family as much as you need to at this time. Unless your ex was abusive too, he would probably be a much safer person to live with than your parents. Please get out of there ASAP. We'll be thinking of you.























Yep, he was abusive too. he did a lot of the same things: shamiong me in front of others, making me have sex in semi-public/with others watching, on our wedding night he brought me to tears and then took pics of me crying while I undressed. He said it made him "hot" to see me crying and naked. Then he got me pregnant with ds that night.









I have never really been in a real relationship without some kind of mind games going on. I'm not sure I'd know what to do, lol.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

It's confusing, b/c for years growing up you knew nothing else, so to you it _seemed_ normal. That is until as an adult, you got to live away from them and saw how others lived. Now going back, you can see the problem, but it's hard to fully grasp it, since it _was_ what was normal in your childhood.

You feel like you maybe the crazy one b/c that is how they are trying to make you feel. They want you to question your version of realty, so that they can manipulate and control you.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Oh, mama. I'm so sorry.









In that case, please give strong consideration to calling this number: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Do it from a payphone if you have to (and take your son with you, of course!). They will be able to talk you through this. They will have a good list of local shelters and resources you can use to get out of there.

You and your son are not safe with your parents. You MUST get him out of there. Please do not delay in getting help.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

You are not crazy. NOT crazy. And you really, really need to get some help. Seriously. Don't wait, don't see if things will change, don't second guess yourself. You are absolutely NOT crazy.

When I read your thread title and then your posts, I was thinking "uncomfortable" is the understatement of the year. It would Freak. Me. Out. and have me looking for the back door and the nearest police station, frankly.







: But I can understand that because you were raised with this, it seems "normal" to you and calling it predatory or abusive is a very scary thing to do. But you will not find any sane person who will tell you that you are the one who's wrong here. Your parents are absolutely, by any definition toxic. Please, please get help and protect yourself.









ETA: adding my voice to those who beg you to never, never, never leave your child alone with them. Ever.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Another vote for not normal.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I'm so sorry!
You are not the crazy one. Keep on keeping your ds safe, and get out when you can.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Never mind - I see the OP explained a bit about her UAV of a stbx.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

Of course she can seem loving and concerned. How else would she be able to get away with this for as long as she has? You feel like you're the crazy one, because she's gaslighting you all the time. The crap with your friend's family is more of the same.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *labdogs42* 
No, it is your mom who is not normal. I think you might want to look into finding a nice therapist to talk to about your mom. of course, I think your mom needs therapy, too, but I can't see that happening! You can only take care of yourself and your DS. Getting therapy and finding out that your relationship with your mother is not normal and doesn't have to be tolerated will go a long way toward healing these emotional wounds. Hugs to you. I hope you get away from her and find a good therapist SOON!

I second (third, fourth, fifth) this. Talk to a therapist. None of us are saying that because we think you're crazy, either. We're saying it, because you're in the very, very difficult position of trying to figure out how to apply the most basic of boundaries, within a dynamic that's existed for your whole life.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaoticzenmom* 
Did you read that link that I posted? It's about narcissistic mothers and SEVERAL of the things you described were in there.

I was unnerved at how much of that link seemed to be written directly off the OP!

Quote:

I have a feeling that Georgia isn't going to turn out like you hope. It sounds like it might be sabotaged or attached to strings somehow. Did you make sure that your name is the only one on the lease? Have your parents made copies of the keys? When you get there, change the locks if you can and if your name is not on the lease, get it on there. Get set up with social services and get a job and work on your independence.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Get help. Talk to a shelter. Make sure you have some independence in Georgia, and your parents don't have control over your living situation. And, talk to a therapist. There is _no_ part of this that's normal. Your parents are abusing you. They've been setting you up to be abused by that...UAV...that you married, for your whole life. Your concept of normal behaviour is hopelessly skewed by what they've done, and they're _still_ doing it. A therapist will help you see that clearly.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

oh mama that is the typical abuser behaviour. loving and hateful in another way. and the thing is they really believe they are doing the best for you. its all v. messed up.

for instance a dad raping his teenage dd. he kept saying i love you and i am disciplining you for your own good.

so what i am trying to get at is at heart your mom might be genuine you know. she does love you and thinks she is doing the right thing for you.

but that doesnt mean it is right.

no matter what you are now concerned about the safety of your son. i mean lets just say your parents didnt go that far as rapeing you (i am not saying nothing happened - i am just saying the words are bad too). however do you still want your son to hear the things they say - go thru what you went thru?

start by putting some space between you guys now. and then think about total break in the future if things remain the same. just to get the stress of guilt off your back for now.


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

I have not yet read the other replies but I feel this situation is disturbing. There are no boundaries. I would have that ICK feeling everyday around your parents... I have it now after reading your post.

I don't really have any suggestions right now except that you may want to speak up when mom or dad says or does something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Simply say, "This makes me feel uncomfortable. It is not up for discussion or analysis by you. I can make my own decisions and judgements."

The situation sounds unhealthy and I do not think you are being oversensitive.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

What would happen if the next time she says something inappropriate about your dress if you said something to the effect of "Mom, I am an adult and my undergarments are no longer your concern. I will not be discussing this again." and left the room? Get out, dear heavens, get out as fast as you can. A shelter is always the last place I recommend because really, who does want to go to one? But it has to be 1000 times better than where you are now. At least you would be SAFE, and your child would be SAFE. You are definitely not safe where you are now. ((Hugs!)) What your parents do is NOT NORMAL by anyone's definition!


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## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

She needs help, plain and simple. I don't come from any inexperience to be able to say so. I was sexually abused by someone I thought very dear to me. That person had a way of making me think they had my best interest at heart, even despite the horrible things I was put through. That facade was enough to prevent me from lashing out against this person. But eventually enough was enough and frankly hun, it ISN'T going to stop until you put your foot down. I get the impression that you comply with her demands in showing her your underwear, etc, etc. STOP! What can she do, kick you out? GOOD! Pull your skirt up herself? Point blank sexual abuse. The only way out is to stand up for yourself, if not for yourself, then for your child.


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## Sailor (Jun 13, 2006)

I didn't read all the comments.

I know these are your parents, but, to be honest with you, I would RUN. Far and fast, away from them.

Once I was far away from them, I would write them a letter about how and why those comments bother you. I would also state that I will not be hanging around them at all, unless they proved - consistenly - that they could stop these inappropriate comments.

I'd never leave them alone with any child, just in case.

This is what I would do in your situation. Your dad's comments are, not only uncomfortable, but just plain scary. And your mom crosses WAY too many boundaries.

I'd be getting away, and placing some very restrictive boundaries when it comes to your parents.


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## emmalizz (Apr 14, 2009)

.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Disturbing, and so not okay. I hope your parents are never, ever allowed to be alone with your DS, and I hope you're able to get out of their house soon.

ETA: I just read the rest of your posts in this thread, and mama, I'm so sorry about your ex-husband. The healthy part of you knows that what your parents are doing is wrong, and that the times when they appear caring do nothing to erase their abuse. Trust that voice.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

This does not seem normal. It seems to cross a lot of personal boundaries. I am sure that you aren't in a situation where you can just move, but as soon as you are I think you should.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Haven't read the responses.

AAAAAGH!!! That's is all REALLY







creepy. For so very many reasons.

And I'm someone who is okay with frank discussions of sex, anatomy, and sexuality.

Edited to add: And now, having read the responses and your other comments- Get Out. Now. Never, ever, ever leave your son alone with them. And find a therapist so they can convince you how crazy/dangerous your family is.


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## rainbowmoon (Oct 17, 2003)

No way is this normal!!!! It really sounds like your parents have boundry issues.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

I clearly sense from your post, that your gut is screaming at you. Your mama-sense is telling you your kid isn't safe there...I'm just so totally glad you're getting out of there.

If you think something happened to you...something happened. Maybe someday you'll figure out the who/what/where/when's of it all...but for now, I think it's safe to assume that you were victimized as a child...and to be honest with you, with the level of creepiness you describe (honey, it's so creepy and NOT normal) I would think that the person who did this to you is in the house still.








s







s I'm just so sorry. It's not right, for a person to have to sift through the vague, troubling disturbances from a dark and repressive childhood and wonder what it was that happened to you and who did it. I've been there and it just sucks.

My mother was a lot like you described your mom to be when I was growing up....just, unbelievably repressive and completely controlling of ALL aspects of our lives..even the things that just weren't her damn business..I remember feeling like I didn't own anything...not even my own private moments on the toilet, or my own private parts. I know how hard it is to be an adult child of a parent like that..I think the only thing harder than trying to have a relationship with this person as an adult would be to LIVE with this person as an adult.

Get out, don't go back...these people are bad news and my honest opinion is that there is something wrong with them. This isn't normal, there is no reason why your mother should be so fixated on your body...and it is not right that she would sexualize you like that "Don't walk around like that in front of my husband...your nipples are showing" - a "normal" overbearing mother would wait until you're in the kitchen alone and then says "Dear, don't you think you should put on a bra and a sensible shirt that covers you!" - that's what a normal overbearing mother says...but what she said, was said as if she was talking to some woman who came into the house "acting sexy" in front of her husband/your father. And, then your dad: "Your nipples are hard as rocks!" - something is wrong here, something is WRONG here! NO!







It's just weirding me out that your mom would say that in front of your dad at that then he would say what he did and she wouldn't say anything...I'm just, I'm really confused by the dynamics..it's not right. Something is off honey.

I'm really sorry...I'm just really sorry.







s


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

You are not crazy. There is something seriously off with your parents & I really hope you'll be able to get them out of your life & realize just how messed up they are.


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## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

Op, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

Are there any other more stable/mentally healthy family members that you can turn to for help? If you lay it all out on the table maybe you could get some support from someone else in your family.

I also agree w/trying to get therapy. I know many places do counseling on a sliding fee scale if money is an issue. Just sorting things out in your mind w/someone to listen and some validation that you aren't crazy would be incredibly helpful to you.

I know it's been written by other posters but please don't leave your child alone w/them even for a second, not at night, not when you are in the shower. Something really bad could happen, and at the very least they could make comments to him about his body, etc that will confuse and shame him.

Stay safe mama!


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Yep, he was abusive too. he did a lot of the same things: shamiong me in front of others, making me have sex in semi-public/with others watching, on our wedding night he brought me to tears and then took pics of me crying while I undressed. He said it made him "hot" to see me crying and naked. Then he got me pregnant with ds that night.









I have never really been in a real relationship without some kind of mind games going on. I'm not sure I'd know what to do, lol.










Please try to get counseling.

I grew up in an very emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive home. Therapy helped me a lot just to sort out what is appropriate behavior from others and what is not. I had to re-learn everything about boundaries (and sometimes I still have to work on this) but it really did help.


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

That is so NOT normal. I would RUN fast away from them, they are not healthy and lack any kind of boundaries. I would never leave your child/ren alone with them but your child/ren just being exposed to what they are doing to you is bad too. I'm so sorry.


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## mouso (Feb 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Your mom has been messing with your sexuality for a long time, to a degree that I consider sexually abusive, whether you were physically molested or not.

Honestly, your parents are really sick, and if you weren't used to it, you wouldn't even be asking us about this. I know your life is a mess right now, but get out. Whatever it takes, get out.

Yes, mama. This is sexual abuse. I was flabbergasted when I read your posts.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
It's just so confusing. Even with all of you guys saying it's not normal, I'm right to have my guard up, I feel like maybe *i'm* the crazy one. But all of those things defeinitely did happen.

It's just that my mom can appear so loving and concerned at times that it messes me up and makes me wonder i'm just imagining the other stuff. But I really am worried for my ds.

A lot of predators have more than one side. That's how they make you feel that you are wrong and crazy. You are NOT crazy.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AverysMomma* 
I clearly sense from your post, that your gut is screaming at you. Your mama-sense is telling you your kid isn't safe there...I'm just so totally glad you're getting out of there.

If you think something happened to you...something happened. Maybe someday you'll figure out the who/what/where/when's of it all...but for now, I think it's safe to assume that you were victimized as a child...and to be honest with you, with the level of creepiness you describe (honey, it's so creepy and NOT normal) I would think that the person who did this to you is in the house still.


Yes, I can read in your posts that you know this is not right but are doubting yourself. Don't doubt yourself.
Since you mentioned the possible abuse in your OP along with the other information I think that even you have linked it to your parents.

This is not right. And not healthy or safe for you or your DS. Get away as fast as you can, mama. I hope you can.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Your parents are CRAZY and abusive. Get out of there ASAP

I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I am sick to my stomache reading about what they are doing


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## Dahlea (May 15, 2008)

Um, that sounds completely messed up. I think I'd definitely stop talking to them if it was me...doesn't seem like talking to them about it would do anything.
I definitely wouldn't leave my kids alone with them.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
I had this really coherent, long post written out and something funky happened and its gone.....grrrr....so, in brief, I am wondering about an issue that's come up AGAIN with my parents.

Ever since I was young, my mom has micromanaged my pero=sonal hygiene, grooming, etc. She had lots of rules about what I could and could not wear and even monitored how I brushed my teeth until well into my mid teens. By monitor I mean she would make me open my mouth so she could check and see if they were clean. She would do this in front of other people. At my 10th grade orchestra concert she sent someone on stage to tell me to close my legs because she could see my vagina from her seat. i'm very sure she could NOT....I was wearing underwear and good orchestra posture means my legs weren't exactly spread eagle. Anyway, that's neither here nor there....but she is still doing it and has been doing it again since I've been staying with her the last few days. I'm wondering if it's me being oversensitive.

I beleive I was molested when I was aboput 3, and from my foggy memories it happened in my own home at night. I'm just worred about my ds, but i don't trust myself enough to know when I'm being overboard or overly critical. It just gives me a "ick" feeling the way my mom is so .....aware... of my private body parts.

Example: I get dressed and come out wearing a cami and jeans. just a regular cami with a built in bra, covers my belly, but i guess from bf-ing my boobs kind of sag in it. My mom says, inf ront of my father, "don't walk around like that in front of my husband. Show some respect for your father. I can see your nipples." my dad chimes in," woah, your nipples are hard as rocks. and i can see your stomach." And my mom says, "bend over so we can see if it's long enough."

Would that exchange make you uncomfortable? I find it humiliating. this is not an outfit to go out in, just something I threw on to grab breakfast. Actually I think I slept in the top the ngiht before.

Or.....before leaving the house, my mom says, "turn around so I can see something." i turn around, and she says to my dad, "look....can't you see her underpants through that skirt? That looks like a thong." And insists that i change underwear.

or buys me underpants/bras, unsolicited, and makes me try them on in front of her "to see if they fit". She even bought my FRIEND underpants because she claimed the ones she was wearing didn't fit properly and she could see them through her clothes. I was beyond embarrassed. Amazingly, the friend didn't take offense.

my father tells me to humor her.

When I got back together with my dh last time, my mom asked me if we were having oral or anal sex. Before we got together, when I was just taking ds for a visit, my dad called me on the phone and quezzed me about where I was sleeping (i.e. in the same bed) and then asked me point blank whether I was having sex with him again. This was my HUSBAND.

all of these examples have taken place in the last several months.

Then this weekend, ds was on the potty and my dad walked by and said, "your little ding ding is sticking straight up. don't you know you need to point it down?" I know it was a harmless comment, but it set me on edge. Am i overreacting?

What do you all think? Are most mothers this intimate with their adult daughters?

Please don't take offence by the way I say this, but your whole story creeps me out. I would feel uncomfortable around them if they were my parents and I would feel... afraid... to have them alone with my children. Your gut told you to post here and ask for opinions, your gut was telling you something's not right with it. Please listen to your gut.


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## mom2tatum (Mar 14, 2007)

get out of there and don't look back. You DO NOT want your child exposed to this toxicity. It is repetitive, consistent, and definitely NOT normal. I am so sorry for you. Keep us updated. Post in your tribe for a group maybe of like minded moms to hang out with IRLand talk these things through with maybe...you need support.


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## Just My Opinion (Nov 26, 2008)

Any update mama? How are you doing?


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