# Appropriate Weight for a 12-13 Year Old Girl



## coolmom2

My daughter will be thirteen this fall, and she is around 5'3''-5'4'' tall. She is 105 pounds, which I think is perfectly normal. She wants to slim down to 95 or so. I'm making sure that she is doing this healthily, but is 95 too small? I don't think she needs to lose weight but I'm not going to stop her unless it gets unhealthy. She is only eliminating lots of junk foods (not carbs altogether, I made sure of that) from her diet.


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## ChristaN

That's too thin. She's already slender at her current weight (at the bottom of the recommended range for her height). If she wants to improve her diet, eat more healthfully, or build more muscle, that's great. However, seeking to lose weight when she is nowhere near overweight is not a good idea for a young teen (or anyone else for that matter!). Dieting in and of itself is a risk factor for developing an eating disorder.


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## Ambrose

I'm 5'3" and prior to pregnancy I weighed 90 lbs. I think it was my metabolism though. I didn't try to diet or anything. I ate quite a bit of food too (heh heh- I still do).

The doctors always told me that I was underweight and were concerned about eating disorders.

I'd just show your daughter healthy foods to eat and not focus on dieting persay. I know that my friend when we were in school was told she *couldn't* diet and it just pushed her to do it more.


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## Mamato2and2

I have a 13 year old who weighs around 120. Since she has "developed" she has put on quite a bit of weight...she is not fat by any means but she has very large boobs!! I don't know where they came from but they are D cups. I didn't have D cups until after my second child. I guess my point is that if the kid is not fat then you have to look at other things that might make the scale tip farther than what she would prefer. Is there anyway to get rid of the scale? We have never had one but my current roommate keeps his in the bathroom so now we all know we weigh...he is moving out next week so this issue will be resolved soon!!


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## BelgianSheepDog

At 13 she's still growing and needs calories for growth and energy. If she wants to eat better foods or take up a sport that's one thing, but dieting should absolutely be discouraged.


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## Brazilianmommy

I'll not consider a diet for her, but when I was 13 I was 5'3 and 89 pounds, no kidding but that's my metabolism, I think eating healthy food it will be the best, but I mean, why putting her weight down?? She's just 13, doe she plays any sport, dancing classes? that helps


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## UnschoolnMa

My Dd is 5'4 ish and she weighs around 105. It's just the way she is, and I suspect her body will change over the years as bodies normally do. I would tell her that health is the best goal when examining diet... not weight. Avoiding junk food is fine if she is so inclined.


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## mandib50

i think she is just fine and would be worried that she wants to lose weight









why is she wanting to lost weight?


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## coolmom2

To an earlier poster- yes, she takes dance classes, basketball, etc. A variety of sports. She is very active.

mandib50- she's goal oriented. Whenever she decides to do something she gets it done, and I guess she's just looking for something else to excel in. Of course weight is not a game, and I will make sure that she doesn't go too far.


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## Brazilianmommy

Keep her with her afternoon sports? maybe she wants to put her weight down becuase they told her at school? Have you asked her?


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## NiteNicole

The general rule for women is - 5 feet = 100 pounds, add five pounds for every inch. So she's already well on the low end of her weight spread. "Too far" is dieting AT ALL when you're young, active, and already thin.


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## talk de jour

She's already VERY thin. Dieting at all would wreak havoc on her future metabolism and be VERY unhealthy in the here and now.

BTW, NiteNicole, that rule doesn't generally work. 100 pounds is around the very low end of "acceptable BMI" for a 5' tall woman. According to BMI, a woman could be 130 pounds and 5' tall and still not be overweight.

I don't believe in BMI for the most part, however -- IMO, you should never lose weight unless you are developing diabetes, clogged arteries, etc. -- a health problem -- because of your weight.


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## guestmama9924

My 11 year old is 60#. she is perfectly sized for her height, but she is small compared to her 100#+ friends in the 5th grade. But I am small framed too, and at 5'5, I was 98# until I had kids. I think if that is the weight that comes naturally, then so be it. I never tried to be that thin, and I would not want my child to diet at such a young age, other than eating ONLY healthy foods.

How is your childs proportion of her height to her weight? is she active? getting the recommended # of calories and types of food per day?


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## MillingNome

Chiming win with another vote to shifting her focus away from weight and more towards overall healthy living. And believe it or not, my string bean dd gets made fun of for being too thin and well... no curves. She is strong enough to take it because she knows she eats enough to alot and works out a few times a week in karate. Help your dd set other goals for her to focus on


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## Mama Dragon

Can't let my DD see this, she's 11, 5'4" and 120lbs. She's plenty thin and my dad keeps making little snide comments that she needs to lose weight. I'm about ready to throttle him. You DD is FINE in the weight department.


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## 2mama

I find it so sad that in our society people tend to be so wt focused that at 13 we let out daughters diet. I am 5'4" and was 108 before I got pregnant 4 months ago and I was, and still am very tiny. A question I have for you is do you diet or restrict your intake, as that my be where she got the idea from. Remind her that she is young and athletic and should eat healthy and there should be no "forbidden foods", but everything in moderation. Also try to talk to her about what she feels that she is lacking control in, are you making her do the sports, are you over bearing, a perfectionist. Is sounds like a control issue to me the way you worded it previously. Which is not only a concern, but a red flag that this may develop into an eating disorder. If everything is fine on the home front (per her, not you) maybe ask her about her friends and see if they are dieting. Peer pressure is awful.

good luck


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## bamamom

I was between 92 and 98 lbs at 11-14 yrs old. and even older.


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## coolmom2

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2mama* 
I find it so sad that in our society people tend to be so wt focused that at 13 we let out daughters diet. I am 5'4" and was 108 before I got pregnant 4 months ago and I was, and still am very tiny. A question I have for you is do you diet or restrict your intake, as that my be where she got the idea from. Remind her that she is young and athletic and should eat healthy and there should be no "forbidden foods", but everything in moderation. Also try to talk to her about what she feels that she is lacking control in, are you making her do the sports, are you over bearing, a perfectionist. Is sounds like a control issue to me the way you worded it previously. Which is not only a concern, but a red flag that this may develop into an eating disorder. If everything is fine on the home front (per her, not you) maybe ask her about her friends and see if they are dieting. Peer pressure is awful.

good luck

I don't diet...but I have to admit I may comment here and there about losing a few pounds (me, not her). I asked her about school and she and I both noticed that most of her friends are bigger than her weight wise and height wise, so I don't know what this could be stemming from...well, now that you brought up eating disorders- last year one of her close friends developed anorexia. I'm not sure if this could be related because they are kind of distant now.


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## coolmom2

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bamamom* 
I was between 92 and 98 lbs at 11-14 yrs old. and even older.

No offense intended, but how is that supposed to help? I'm trying to prevent my daughter from losing weight...


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## Ambrose

Quote:


Originally Posted by *coolmom2* 
No offense intended, but how is that supposed to help? I'm trying to prevent my daughter from losing weight...

You asked what appropriate weight was for that age group. She's just telling you what she was. Just like I told you I was about 90 lbs at that age. You shouldnt ask for things if you dont want the answers


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## coolmom2

No, my point was she didn't mention whether her own weight was appropriate (I mean like approrpriate or average, should I say, in general, not for her own body) or not, sorry I wasn't clear. things over here are just







: right now


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## bamamom

i was totally normal for my age. all my friends looked just like me...

we were all in the mid-ninety pound range in the years between 11-14.

Is that helpful? I was a normal size.


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## UUMom

105 is perfectly perfect. I think it's sad your dd is trying to lose weight, and if she were my dd I would absolutely discourage a weight obsession. I might even toss the scale. I might also limt her TV viewing (not forbid it, but try to find other things for her to do. Scrabble, board games, family outings etc). Our society is evil towards children.


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## lisac77

I have a medium - large frame (I've always weighed far more than I "look") and I was 5' 4" and 110 lbs at age 12-14 or so. I was soooooo skinny, and very embarrassed by my hip bones which jutted out through my clothes. My father was so worried, but I was just slightly underweight according to what I "should be." I think your daughter is fine at the weight she is!


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## moondiapers

Quote:


Originally Posted by *coolmom2* 
My daughter will be thirteen this fall, and she is around 5'3''-5'4'' tall. She is 105 pounds, which I think is perfectly normal. She wants to slim down to 95 or so. I'm making sure that she is doing this healthily, but is 95 too small? I don't think she needs to lose weight but I'm not going to stop her unless it gets unhealthy. She is only eliminating lots of junk foods (not carbs altogether, I made sure of that) from her diet.

http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/usefu...l_bmi_calc.htm
A 12 year and 10 months old (female) child
who is 105 pounds
and is 5 feet and 3 inches tall has
a body mass index of 18.6,
which is at the 50th percentile,

and would indicate that your child is at a healthy weight. Keep in mind that it is still possible for a child to have an eating disorder even if they are at a healthy weight though.

A 12 year and 10 months old (female) child
who is 95 pounds
and is 5 feet and 4 inches tall has
a body mass index of 16.3,
which is at the 16th percentile,

and would indicate that your child is at a healthy weight. Keep in mind that it is still possible for a child to have an eating disorder even if they are at a healthy weight though.


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## lab

Quote:


Originally Posted by *talk de jour* 
IMO, you should never lose weight unless you are developing diabetes, clogged arteries, etc. -- a health problem -- because of your weight.









Huh? Am I reading this wrong? Not trying to be snarky, but this just doesn't make sense to me.

To the op - you should absolutely not allow your dd to think it is okay for her to lose weight. She could very well be getting vibes from you that you think it is okay. It is not okay for her to lose weight. At. All.

I'm 5'3" and 113 lbs and I could stand to gain weight...... She's perfect at 105 and dangerous at any less.....


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## maryeliz

There are three immediate reasons your daughter's desire to lose weight raises red flags for me.

1) She is already at a low weight. So she has no medical reason to lose weight and it sounds like she leads a healthy lifestyle. If she is responding to peer pressure or societal pressure that she weighs too much that seems like a big problem.

2) She is involved in dance. Some dance teachers are good about addressing body image in a realistic and accepting way, some are not. Do you know what her dance teacher and fellow students are telling her about her body? IMO all dance teachers should be very upfront with their students about the dangers of eating disorders and should be on the lookout for problems. Both her dance teachers and coachs should be talking to her about eating for strength and endurance.

3) Her friend (or former friend) has an eating disorder. I would not underestimate the effect this can have on a young woman. Your daughter may know intellectually that eating disorders are dangerous, but she may still be attracted to the attention her friend got, or the power she seemed to derive from her eating disorder.

If this was my daughter I would strongly discourage any weight loss, quietly keep an eye on her weight, and also raise the issues of eating disorders/body image/health with her doctor, school nurse, coaches, and dance teachers.


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## mmace

My daughter will be thirteen next month. She is just shy of 5'2" and weighs between 100 and 110 pounds, depending on if it is volleyball season.

Your daughter sounds perfect to me!


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## Ammaarah

I would be concerned because goal-oriented girls and women seem a lot more prone to eating disorders than more laidback folks. Her weight seems perfectly healthy. It's good if she doesn't want a lot of junk but a little diet can turn into a big problem sometimes. Just keep an eye on her, Mama. ((HUGS))


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## andisunshine

Yes, coolmom2, I think it would be unhealthy for your child to actively attempt to lose weight, for all the reasons being stated here. She's not too heavy, I was 115 lbs. at age 13, 5'4", too. I was not fat. In fact, when I was 14 I became depressed (for non-weight related issues) and stopped eating, I went down to 94 lbs. and it was too skinny! The fact that we are constantly being bomdarded by media featuring skin-and-bones models is sad because it does give people a reason to be unsatisfied with their own images even when there is nothing to be unsatisfied with. I'm 30 and it's taken me a long time to accept myself with all my flaws, weight being the least of them. I think the best thing you can do is to try to impress upon your daughter that she's perfect the way she is and reinforce a positive self-image. I wish I had someone to do that for me when I was that age! Can you tell I wasn't one of the popular ones?







And I totally agree with maryeliz's comments about her peers and dance instructors.

Andi


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## urchin_grey

I was around the same height when I was about 11 and I weight 85 pounds.







I wasn't developed at ALL though.

But yeah, I agree with the PP.... she's too young to diet, but of course theirs nothing wrong with eating healthy!


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## Mrs.PhD

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ammaarah* 
I would be concerned because goal-oriented girls and women seem a lot more prone to eating disorders than more laidback folks. Her weight seems perfectly healthy. It's good if she doesn't want a lot of junk but a little diet can turn into a big problem sometimes. Just keep an eye on her, Mama. ((HUGS))


I have to agree. Your lovely DD sounds like a good candidate for an eating disorder, so I would keep a real eye on it and educate yourself on the topic. Also let her know that her weight is perfect the way it is. Find out more about her motovation if you can. The more you can get her to talk about it with you the better. There might be other reasons behind this.

Eating healthy is fine, but be careful what her idea of healthy is. Carrots, celery and water only is not a healthy diet for a growing girl. If she wants to pass on junk food, fried foods and desserts that is fine. However a growing and active girl like her can eat the occasional fun food (Ice cream, candy, snacks) with no problem so she doesn't need to limit herself. Reducing her calories can result in her energy level going down too.

I was always small as a child and young adult. I remember I was 49 pounds in 5th grade and people were amazed by that. I don't remember how much I weighed in school, but I was 93 pounds at age 22 when I got married (in 1993, easy to remember that.)

Now as an adult (and 2 children later) I am 120 and was happy to see that still is ok BMI for my 5 foot frame. I had to work to get down to that though.


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## stayinghome

Dy dd is 12 1/2 and 5 ' 1" and weighs maybe 115.


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## WNB

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mandib50* 
i think she is just fine and would be worried that she wants to lose weight









why is she wanting to lose weight?

^--- bingo.

Smells like the beginning of an eating disorder.

Also, Synthea - throttle away - snide comments are the worst. I would call him out on it and insist he cease and desist immediately, unless he can show that your daughter is at a weight that is risky to her health anf future development. (which she isn't.)


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## roadfamily6now

my DD is 5'0" and 110 at 12 1/2 years old
She is getting that curvy women figure and I think she is perfect size.
She is very athletic and not fat at all. She is not skinny and I would never encourage her to be.
She wears a 14 girls jeans or 5 womens, and a 12-14 top.

I think your DD sounds like she is the perfect size. I would NOT encourage any dieting at this age. Fit and healty is different then dieting


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## Brazilianmommy

I will not allow her to loose any weight, simply becuase she's to young for dieting, I honestly wouldn't let her even though she wants to accomplish that goal, don't want to be rude, but lossing weight at 13 is absurd







She's way to young to start thinking of that


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## SweetAfton

I'm 5'4" now. When I was 14, I had reached my full height and weighed 99 pounds. Not unhealthy, just slender. I've now made my way up to 130 and still don't consider myself in need of a diet.

Let DD know that eating healthy is great, but that she shouldn't try to lose weight. Diets are popular at that age. Many young girls say they're dieting, whether or not they're actually concentrating on weight loss. She might must be trying to fit in with her peers.


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## Alkenny

DD is 13, 5'1" and weighed about 96 pounds before cross country season started up. She's easily lost 5 pounds since then (with running, naturally), so I'd put her around 90 pounds. She's thin, but not overly so. She's a couple of inches shorter though too, so 105 sounds about right for that.


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## talk de jour

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lab* 







Huh? Am I reading this wrong? Not trying to be snarky, but this just doesn't make sense to me.

What, exactly, don't you understand?

I don't believe that there are "magic numbers," and I don't believe that a weight of 110 is necessarily "more healthy" than a weight of 200. Some people are made to weigh 200, some would be terribly unhealthy at 200 -- and I think that only people who are unhealthy because of their weight "need" to lose weight. If your BMI is 30, but you have absolutely nothing wrong with you and are in amazing shape, why lose weight just to hit the "magic number" of 24.9? It doesn't make sense.


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## TAC

My 12yo daughter is very small. She is 68 pounds. x is always complaining that she needs to eat more, that she is undersized. This too began to really weigh on her. You can effect a child in either direction, too small or too big. Just to stop him we went to the doctor. The scales for what a 12yo should weigh are not fair. We are all individuals and carry different weights and sizes. The most important thing for her is her BMI. Take her to the doctor. It is important for a young girl to hear this from her doctor. Find out what the BMI is. My daughter has a BMI of 16%, so she is small but ok.

Anyways, if a child wants to diet, it needs to be addressed through the family doctor. He/she needs to be a part of this decision, and needs to speak directly to your daughter about how to go about this. I would make an appointment immeadiately.


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## Dedicated

Do you have a daughter that suffers from an eating disorder. Do you know what is going on in that poor little girls mind. What she is struggling with. Its the number one mortality for children and adults so simply saying buck it up. Is worse that starving her self. She needs help she needs the support of her family. She doesnt need a mother who would say such things. You watch one of your children suffer and you want to help them. What if she had cancer would you say the same thing. Go and live behind your glass house and judge away. Pretty sad. I feel sorry for you. Never judge anyone, Like I said if she had cancer would you take her tv away. Mother Theresa says making fun of someone who is hurting trauma is worse than starving a child. Enough said.


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## Viola

I am not sure to whom you are referring, but this thread is over 7 years old. Her daughter is actually an adult now. I am going to lock it to prevent further discussion here. If you would like to discuss eating disorders in teen girls, you are free to start a new thread.


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