# cio at 3 weeks : (



## speairson (Jul 25, 2005)

I just have to get this off my chest to people who will see it as apalling as I do. We recently went home for the holidays and of course dd (11mos) still wakes several times at night, which is hard, but we're working on helping her sleep through the night without crying. Anyway, everyone basically started telling me that I need to cio and that it will be better for everyone if I do. I don't want conflict so I just politely try to ignore the advice or make excuses. So, I say I can't stand to hear her cry like that...response, leave her here (MIL house) and spend the night away so you don't have to hear it. So, I say, well she's sick (she had been running a high fever for like 4 days straight)...response, well then she'll tire out quicker







So, I ask SIL how she got her dd to sleep through the night...response, they let her cio early on...how early I ask...3 weeks







...how long did she cry I ask...like 2 hours























I really try not to judge others and respect that people parent differently and that that's okay, but this just got to me. I'm just glad I'm almost 2000 miles away.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

Scarily and sadly enough, that is an everyday reality for some children


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## annarbor931 (Dec 11, 2004)

So sad.


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## MotheringHeart (Dec 18, 2005)

Oh my goodness! I also try not to judge, but CIO is one of those things I CANNOT stand. It is so wrong for so many reasons. It just breaks my heart to hear about situations like that!

Good for you for standing up for youself, though! It can be so hard to do sometimes. My inlaws hassled DH and I after we brought home our three week old from the NICU and put her in our bed w/us. My FIL told me she'd still be sleeping w/me at 16. Bleaugh.


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## bcky2 (May 30, 2005)

crying it out is bad enough, let alone for a 3 week old!!! is that just insane or what







how could someone listen to a little baby cry for 2 hours and not try to comfort them







they need to know that you are there for them if they need you. that little baby just learned that her needs are not important


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

Three weeks? No way! At three weeks all they do is eat sleep and cry. How awful.


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## Wolfcat (Jan 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MotheringHeart*
My FIL told me she'd still be sleeping w/me at 16. Bleaugh.

Apparently he forgot about the whole teenage, I-need-my-space rebellion thing!


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## splash (Aug 30, 2005)

Horrid. But my sister in law has done it with my nephew since BIRTH. Actually, starting on day 3 (when they got home) they would put him to bed and not tend to him, feed him, or change his diaper ALL NIGHT. Of course, by day five he was so hypoglycemic he was nearly in a coma.
Unfortunately, that didn't change much. Now she'll get up with him once a night to feed him (he's 2.5 weeks) and other than that, he just screams. She has no interest in 'dealing with him' when she 'needs her sleep.'
At least you don't have to deal with your SIL on a daily basis. And what's done is done for that child. For my nephew, it's still going on.


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## speairson (Jul 25, 2005)

It is really sad. The thing that burns me up too is that now my niece is almost 2 and is a really good sleeper and developing normally and all that, and my dd still wakes many times in the night, so that's her proof that what she did is better than what I'm trying to do.

Splash is right though, thank goodness I don't have to deal with my IL's on a daily basis. It's hard enough to hold my toungue once a year.


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## Neptune2 (Aug 24, 2005)

Wow I wish I hadn't read your post! Now I feel all sad and bad for that poor kid. When I hear DS cry for more then 1 minute, I feel bad. And he is 6 months old. I just can't imagine to leave a 3 week old cry like that. I'm shivering I think. Just needed to say it.


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## MidwifeErika (Jun 30, 2005)

We tried CIO with our first kid (she was much, much older than 3 weeks), but you know what.... it was more work than anything!!!! We realized it wasn't going to work, was too upseting to all of us so we stopped (besides, my child is stubborn, I don't think she would have "trained" to sleep had we continued) and when she was developmentally ready, she slept through the night. With my son, we just went by his schedule and again, when he was ready he began to sleep longer and longer stretches. Now at 19 months he sleeps for 10+ hours everynight (the last week it has been 14 though, he must be growing). It is not something we ever force, we just are just here to support them as they develop and grow. You just keep doing what you are doing with your son, he is still doing just fine. He will sleep when he is developmentally ready to. You just hang in there in the meantime!!


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Wow, three weeks?! They're so helpless... I can't imagine doing CIO ever, but that young seems scary... and like a big health risk to refuse to feed or change them all night.


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## kyangel80 (Oct 5, 2005)

Well I'm pissed, excuse my language. I don't care who it is, if anyone tells me that they are letting a 3 week old, let alone a 3 day old, CIO then it's on!!!







I can't even believe that a person could ignore a newborn all night long. That's absurd and absolutely child abuse. In fact I would call and make a report if someone told me that, even though I'm sure that social services wouldn't do jack $hit but go to the house and














and then never check again on the poor helpless newborn. Oh but don't even get me started, b/c if someone called social service on me for letting my nb/infant/toddler sleep with me, they would be out in a flash to threaten to take my child away for endangering them







: Maybe take away is a little bit of an exageration on the first visit, but they would advise me of the "danger" and they would document that I am "endangering" my child. I don't like to tell ppl what to do, especially when it comes to parenting, but if a child is being "neglected" I will speak up, and I'm not saying that to make those of you who didn't say anything feel bad. And I know what it's like when you try to do the right thing and you have an in-law who did the wrong thing with their kid but their kid turned out fine and so they use that to boast of how it was actually right! Like pp said about the 2 yr old who sleeps well and they probably attribute that to letting her CIO at 3 weeks.







Irony(sp?) can be so cruel sometimes. Sorry but I had to get that rant out after I read this. I will be praying for those poor "neglected" precious babies whose parents aren't cherishing the gift they've been given and I commend you ladies for not committing harry carey over it b/c I can't bear the thought


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## spirit4ever (Nov 4, 2004)




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## Kdybs (May 28, 2005)

this just makes me sad.


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## alybeans (May 22, 2005)

OMG! I'm sorry but I think that's neglect! That is harmful and dangerous, even the CIO books would agree that a 3 week old cannot and should not be left to CIO. That is so sad.


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## frowningfrog (Aug 25, 2005)

that just broke my heart...how sad for that precious baby


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## jadzia's_mommy (Jun 9, 2005)

THAT is insane.







How can someone do that to a 3 week old? I just remember when my DD was a newborn. That instinct I had to do anything I could for her when she cried was so overwhelmingly powerful. How do people shut that off and let their child cry alone in their crib for 2 hours?

And why is it some people feel they are entitled to a good night's sleep when they have a new baby in the house? If you aren't willing to sacrifice ANYTHING, you shouldn't be having kids, imo.


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

there is a new harvard study on this let me see if I can post it...


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## Attached Mama (Dec 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jadzia's_mommy*
THAT is insane.







How can someone do that to a 3 week old? I just remember when my DD was a newborn. That instinct I had to do anything I could for her when she cried was so overwhelmingly powerful. How do people shut that off and let their child cry alone in their crib for 2 hours?

And why is it some people feel they are entitled to a good night's sleep when they have a new baby in the house? If you aren't willing to sacrifice ANYTHING, you shouldn't be having kids, imo.










I agree!! How awful!

My sister said to my mom, "What's the difference between lettting them CIO in bed or in your arms? They are gong to cry anyway."







She has her 4th kid on the way. Last year at Christmas I was at their house while they let their 12 week old CIO in the other room with a cold no less. I was not comfortable with it and offered to go to him, but was told I couldn't. IF I knew then what I know now having a 6 mo old, there would have been a fight for sure.

Oh, and my mom actually thought she had a point! Til I launched into a lecture about God given instincts and how CIO makes the baby's stress hormones rise and blood pressure rise and how cries make a mom's milk flow and change her hormones to want to respond etc. I'm happy to say I set her (mom, unfortunately my sis wasn't there) straight!


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

That makes me so sad


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## mraven721 (Mar 10, 2004)

I konw someone who did it at 6 weeks and now he's a disconnected toddler. She's can't understand why I have such a well behaved, lovey boy and she doesn't


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## mamatosaskia (Sep 20, 2005)

How very sad. I have a good friend who let her daughter cio at 5 months. She is so proud of the fact that her daughter sleeps through the night, although she admitted to me a few weeks ago that it "kills her" to not go into her room when she cries at night. I was shocked! She sad she refuses to go to her, ever, because once she does it is all over and her dd will want her again. I have to admit that on many a night lately, when my on dd wakes up for the 3rd time to nurse (she is 19 mos), and only in my groggy state, I wonder where I went wrong. But, I hear this and read your post and realize that in the long run, I am trusting my gut and doing the right thing.

j


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## red17 (May 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *speairson*
I just have to get this off my chest to people who will see it as apalling as I do. We recently went home for the holidays and of course dd (11mos) still wakes several times at night, which is hard, but we're working on helping her sleep through the night without crying. Anyway, everyone basically started telling me that I need to cio and that it will be better for everyone if I do. I don't want conflict so I just politely try to ignore the advice or make excuses. So, I say I can't stand to hear her cry like that...response, leave her here (MIL house) and spend the night away so you don't have to hear it. So, I say, well she's sick (she had been running a high fever for like 4 days straight)...response, well then she'll tire out quicker







So, I ask SIL how she got her dd to sleep through the night...response, they let her cio early on...how early I ask...3 weeks







...how long did she cry I ask...like 2 hours























I really try not to judge others and respect that people parent differently and that that's okay, but this just got to me. I'm just glad I'm almost 2000 miles away.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

I am really feeling quite ill at the thought of a 3wk old cio.... And for 2 hrs???














: I suppose that she didn't feed her all night either?? My God. I don't think I could have stopped myself from asking her wtf she thought letting a 3wk old cio could accomplish other than teach her that her mom/dad didn't give a flying fig about her needs. I'm 42 and I think if I had to cio for 2hrs for any reason I'd want my DH to have his head examined ... supposing of course that he was not at work at the time.

I used to think that my friends were nuts for letting their 2 DD's sleep w/them until they were almost 6...man do I now realize that I was the







. They BOTH are well-adjusted, confident, independent, thoughtful and wonderful young women. They are now 10 and 11 (exactly 1yr apart) and are 2 of the best children I know. I do think that cosleeping helped make them who they are today. I only hope that my dd grows up to be just as healthy and well-adjusted as my friends 2 DD's







.

Splash:














That has got to be child abuse/neglect -- I can't imagine that when your nephew was diagnosed with hyoglycemia so early on that their DR didn't follow up and find out WHY the child was not being fed at night?? Could the mom be suffering from PPD?


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## kbridi (Mar 16, 2005)

That poor baby. She probably was so scared and lonely and had such a horrible headache...I don't even want to think about it. I feel sick...


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## M&Mmama (Feb 1, 2005)

My sister did the same thing with my nephew when he was 6 weeks older. When I was pregnant with my oldest, she firmly told me that any parent who complains of not getting enough sleep has no one to blame but themselves. Fortunately I figured out that she is nutty and shut-down and unfortunately hasn't done all of the hard work that I have to recover from our family of origin.

I realized that with this fundamental different in parenting and life perspectives, there is really no room for connection between my and sister and I. Of course she would turn around and point that that her baby my nephew is now going to Harvard next fall. The emotional impact is what she fails to consider and value. A smart child is one thing, a happy one is more important.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

That poor baby!







3 week olds belong right next to mama all night!


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## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

I don't get how people can do that. It turns my stomach to hear a baby cry like that, especially a brand new baby. Even if I believed in cio, I couldn't handle it. The crying makes me feel so anxious and irritable. Babies belong with their mommy, at least in the beginning. They shouldn't have to scream and cry for anything. It just makes me sad, I would personally say something. But I understand that it would probably fall on deaf ears anyway. Sorry you have to know that this is going on.


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## ursimama (Jul 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *splash*
Horrid. But my sister in law has done it with my nephew since BIRTH. Actually, starting on day 3 (when they got home) they would put him to bed and not tend to him, feed him, or change his diaper ALL NIGHT. Of course, by day five he was so hypoglycemic he was nearly in a coma.
Unfortunately, that didn't change much. Now she'll get up with him once a night to feed him (he's 2.5 weeks) and other than that, he just screams. She has no interest in 'dealing with him' when she 'needs her sleep.'
At least you don't have to deal with your SIL on a daily basis. And what's done is done for that child. For my nephew, it's still going on.

Oh No. This is tantamount to abuse. I feel sick when I hear stories like this. That poor little baby.


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## RootBeerFloat (Nov 22, 2005)

Isn't this part of what they talk about in Babywise? I've never read it, but a girl in my new moms class Babywised her dd and it involved CIO pretty much since birth. It was atrocious. She'd brag about how her baby slept for 12 hours every night, about how teaching self soothing was such a wonderful gift to your child. And I'd watch her daughter blankly starring into space. Seriously, I never once saw that baby smile or interact with anyone in any way. It was horrifying.


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## Maggies*Mommy (Mar 14, 2005)

This is just wrong on so many levels!!

Tell your SIL I will take her baby at night and hold and comfort her!!! I don't mind! I just can't imagine a 3wk old going thru that.


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## Talula Fairie (Jan 7, 2005)

Stories like that just make me want to cry. The thought of a tiny infant crying to sleep is horrifying to me.


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## Talula Fairie (Jan 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ally'smom*
Isn't this part of what they talk about in Babywise? I've never read it, but a girl in my new moms class Babywised her dd and it involved CIO pretty much since birth. It was atrocious. She'd brag about how her baby slept for 12 hours every night, about how teaching self soothing was such a wonderful gift to your child. And I'd watch her daughter blankly starring into space. Seriously, I never once saw that baby smile or interact with anyone in any way. It was horrifying.

Dunno because I've not read Babywise, but supposedly Dr. Ferber is recanting some of his statements and saying he doesn't reccomend CIO for infants younger than six months.







: Not much better, but at least he isn't telling people to CIO from birth? Ugh. I hate Ferber.


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

These stories break my heart...





















those poor children...


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## LindyLou (May 4, 2004)

To me there is one word for that - neglect. This makes me sick to my stomach.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *splash*
Horrid. But my sister in law has done it with my nephew since BIRTH. Actually, starting on day 3 (when they got home) they would put him to bed and not tend to him, feed him, or change his diaper ALL NIGHT. Of course, by day five he was so hypoglycemic he was nearly in a coma.
Unfortunately, that didn't change much. Now she'll get up with him once a night to feed him (he's 2.5 weeks) and other than that, he just screams. She has no interest in 'dealing with him' when she 'needs her sleep.'
At least you don't have to deal with your SIL on a daily basis. And what's done is done for that child. For my nephew, it's still going on.

That's so sickening.







That poor baby. I'm sorry, but that's flat out child abuse/neglect.


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