# "Buck Up!"



## ariahsmum (Jun 15, 2004)

Another brilliant one-liner!

I actually went out for the first time in 5 weeks (since this happened) and a man I know hugged me and told me to "buck Up!"

I was enraged already due to a myriad of other disgusting things, and I screamed at him (in public) to "F*@k off", and told him if he got near me i swore I would throw him up angainst the wall and bash him in.

Are people really this stupid?

From a normally overly peaceful being,
Jaya


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Wow. I can't beleive anyone even thought that, let alone said it out loud.

So sorry for your loss.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

I am so sorry he said that to you. What an insensitive thing to say! Sending you


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

People are so







insensitive sometimes.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

I'm sorry, but I'm about to play the devil's advocate.

What do you suppose his intent was?

It was a pretty stupid thing to say. But I get madder at people who say nothing than people who say something clumsy. At least he had the guts to acknowledge your loss, even though it came across poorly.

I'm hoping he only had a couple seconds of thought in that one. He'll sure think more before he says anything else!

I'm sorry you had a myriad of disgusting things going on, and I hope I'm not making it worse. Yell at me if I am. I can take it. Yell about the other things that made you mad, too. We will listen.

Keri


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## zenmamasan (Oct 5, 2002)

....how some members think that they are gifted at shutting down a thread by something that they might have said, so I post in hopes that I am not the catalyst for that here.

Jaya mamasan, I _totally_ see how absolute unbridled anger is where you are at right now: there aren't any of us, online or in your physical community who can't see why you are raging at the universe right now.

It might have been that this person was thinking that they were somehow, in an excrutiatingly inept way, trying to give you some strength. Inept {understatement} as he was, what he was doing was coming from his heart, trying to reach yours.

Sometimes I ask, in moments of rage, "why do I have to be the one sensitive to others feelings, and yet the rest of the world has to be blockheads?" Not sure I have found an answer for that one, except maybe this: at the risk of sounding like the side of a Dr. Bronners soap bottle, we are all one. This person felt your pain and wanted to help. He failed miserably. But he couldn't have known {otherwise he certainly wouldn't have offered it} that you have a much larger rage going on right now, not necessarily directed at him, at least not prior to his insensitive comment. He may know this now though - If he is perceptive enough.

But the point is - Your agony is my agony, and his agony. Ariah's joy is my joy. My pain is my children's pain. Your pain was this man's pain, and he was trying to give you strength {it's a stupid guy thing I guess}. But we are all connected. In your grief, in your pain, and someday - in this lifetime, or another - in your joy, and in your peace. We are all one, which means that I hold you as I hold my myself, and my own.

Love,

Julia


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## ariahsmum (Jun 15, 2004)

ummm... okay. I guess i must just not be able to see it thru all the rage..

i guess he really was trying to be loving. yes, i will just see all the love.


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## a-sorta-fairytale (Mar 29, 2005)

Oh Jaya my heart is heavy for you. I cant imagine the pain and then being told to buck up








I am so sorry mama.


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

ariahsmum,
i am so sorry you had an interaction like that.
i have been thinking about it all day. is it a regional, new england thing? this idea that you keep your chin up, you buck up, when the most unspeakable tragedies are happening, because, what? is it a weakness to show that you are actually affected by feelings of loss? i think it was altogether appropriate and probably felt really good to tell this man to f* off. i stuffed my feelings and responses nice and deep and they still hurt. maybe some day i will be able to sit with some of my friends and tell them how hurt i was. i don't know.
i'm sorry, jaya.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Jaya--

Your rage is justified. When I said to consider the man's intent, I did not mean to invalidate your feelings.

You can see the love later. If you have rage now, that is what you need to feel. Unload some of it here, it really can help.

It's such a crappy hard miserable time. I'm sorry.









Keri


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

I think some people are made so uncomfortable by overwhelming grief and sadness that they want to somehow fix the person in order for THEM to no longer feel uneasy around them. "Buck up" might be his way of trying to make you sigh and 'forget' about it briefly somehow.
Which is why it's insensitive, regardless. I find things like that almost a selfish thing to say. People said them to me, too... I'm so sorry.


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