# Anyone given birth with no birth partner?



## Schae (Oct 6, 2006)

Originally my husband was going to be my birth partner, but that does not seem likely to happen any longer (for a variety of reasons).
So, I will be giving birth 'alone' at the birthing centre.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you cope?
I'm fairly confident that I can remember to go into myself when in pain etc, I'm just worried about when I need encouragement. I'll speak to my midwife about the change in plans this week when I see her.

There isn't anyone else I can call upon - i feel it is too late for me to hire a doula and I do not feel connected enough to anyone else to want them at the birth either. So I'll be alone - it's just working on getting confident about that.

Any helpful suggestions?

thanks in advance!


----------



## Ambivalent Dreams (Jan 6, 2010)

My mother birthed me without a birthing partner and at a hospital at that. I think it is good you will be at a birthing center where hopefully the MW will be extra supportive for you. Good luck!


----------



## lovebeingamomma (Mar 16, 2007)

If you really wanted a doula I'm sure you could find one late in the game. A midwife will not take on the doula role, they cannot, at least not the entire time. Yes you can do it alone but I think you'll find that you'll have a much better experience with a doula.


----------



## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

I'd check around your area, and look for someone working towards their doula certification. Often they are seraching for births to attend as they need so many to get their certification, and they often do not charge anything.

So it may be possible to find a doula, even this late. I'd ask your MW if she has any doula connections.

Do you have any family close by that you wouldn't mind being with you?


----------



## terrordactyl (Jul 19, 2006)

i don't think its to late to find a doula or maybe your midwife knows of someone who would really like to help out at a birth post in your tribe area too


----------



## la mamita (Apr 10, 2005)

i had a birth partner (my little sister) for a home birth but i didn't use her. i let her sleep in because i didn't really need her. i am, by nature, fiercely independent and stoic, so i'm not the kind of person who needs a lot of hand-holding. my midwives were good at their job, but they didn't step in as 'doulas' and frankly i don't think i needed them in that role. however, my birth was really smooth. i could imagine perhaps wanting some support if things got difficult/if there was some kind of emergency.

one thing i really enjoyed was reading ina may's book of birth stories (spiritual midwifery), which gave me a lot of inner strength and courage.

basically your body was built to do this, trust yourself. you can have a beautiful birth on your own.


----------



## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

I was having a home birth for my last with the husband and a MW or two.

Midwife didn't show, husband managed to miss all the birth except for maybe 10 minutes in the middle so I spent the whole thing pretty much on my own.

Personally, I found it to be one of the nicest births, it was really peaceful, quiet, relaxing. I just kinda got on with it and did what I wanted. Moved when I wanted, stomped when I wanted, watched tv when I wanted, played iternet mahjong, chatted on the computer, had a bath and all of the time I was able to do it without being hassled by anyone (not saying my DH hassles me but sometimes in previous births I have found my husbands concern for me somewhat, I don't know, offputting????? not the right word but I can't think of a better one right now).

I reckon you might just be surprised at how well you manage without a birth partner????


----------



## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

Tireesix - I think that sounds lovely.


----------



## MyFullHouse (Apr 23, 2010)

My ex was a mere "birth observer" when I had my first. Does that count?









Seriously though, I don't mind being left to my own devices. While my husband was somewhat helpful during labors #2-4, he missed the last 2.5 hours of labor and the delivery of #4. He was more upset than I was.


----------



## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

I birthed my son alone. It wasn't supposed to be that way. But during the labor my son's "dad" flaked, my ex-husband (who said he'd be there if I wanted) flaked, and my mom flaked (well she actually showed up for a minute, and then took off). Very traumatizing to be abandoned like that during labor. I also didn't have any friends that I wanted to be there.

It was the least calm birth I've had. I again used no pain meds and towards the end I was cranky, snapping at people, freaking out a bit, uncooperative, etc. Usually I'm pretty zen during labor. There was a really sweet nurse there who kept trying to rub my back and hold my hand and stuff. I knew that she felt bad for me being there alone (she said as much). But I didn't "know" her and I was pretty mean to her about it at the time.









I'm not a very emotionally needy person and I don't care much for people trying to "help" me when I'm in labor anyways. So had I known that I was going to birth alone, I think I could have prepared for it and even enjoyed it. I had always said jokingly that I was done letting men in a labor room with me...they're useless anyways.







As it was, laboring alone really wasn't so bad. It was just me and FOX tv (hospital birth







) and I kind of liked the peace and quiet. I could focus on my breathing, walk around at my leisure, I wasn't a "watched pot", kinda nice really.

Sorry I don't have more advice. I guess my main advice would be to prepare for the actual pushing/birth part. Because I was fine alone for the entire labor. But during the pushing is kind of where I spazzed and could have really used a familiar voice to calm me down. So having a plan of any kind (I had nothing) for that part could make a huge difference.

It sounds like at home though with you and a midwife and time to prepare that there is the potiential for you to have a really calm, private birth. It sounds nice actually. I hope you have a wonderful labor.


----------



## Melaniee (Apr 15, 2002)

I would call your midwives at the center to see if they could recommend a doula for last minute. It's not too late. Having known you already, they may be able to recommend a few good matches to choose from.


----------



## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrazyCatLady* 
I birthed my son alone. It wasn't supposed to be that way. But during the labor my son's "dad" flaked, my ex-husband (who said he'd be there if I wanted) flaked, and my mom flaked (well she actually showed up for a minute, and then took off). Very traumatizing to be abandoned like that during labor. I also didn't have any friends that I wanted to be there.

It was the least calm birth I've had. I again used no pain meds and towards the end I was cranky, snapping at people, freaking out a bit, uncooperative, etc. Usually I'm pretty zen during labor. There was a really sweet nurse there who kept trying to rub my back and hold my hand and stuff. I knew that she felt bad for me being there alone (she said as much). But I didn't "know" her and I was pretty mean to her about it at the time.









I'm not a very emotionally needy person and I don't care much for people trying to "help" me when I'm in labor anyways. So had I known that I was going to birth alone, I think I could have prepared for it and even enjoyed it. I had always said jokingly that I was done letting men in a labor room with me...they're useless anyways.







As it was, laboring alone really wasn't so bad. It was just me and FOX tv (hospital birth







) and I kind of liked the peace and quiet. I could focus on my breathing, walk around at my leisure, I wasn't a "watched pot", kinda nice really.

Sorry I don't have more advice. I guess my main advice would be to prepare for the actual pushing/birth part. Because I was fine alone for the entire labor. But during the pushing is kind of where I spazzed and could have really used a familiar voice to calm me down. So having a plan of any kind (I had nothing) for that part could make a huge difference.

It sounds like at home though with you and a midwife and time to prepare that there is the potiential for you to have a really calm, private birth. It sounds nice actually. I hope you have a wonderful labor.










Thats awful that people abandoned you!!!!! I reckon you are right, had you planned for it it wouldn't have been so bad.


----------

