# Naming rainbow babies



## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

For you ladies that are pregnant with the same gender of the baby you lost are you planning to use your angel baby's name as a middle name? Do you feel compelled to?

TTC ladies feel free to answer.


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## LisaGoodlett (Sep 27, 2009)

.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .....................


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

I don't give my children middle names usually...I have this theory that comes from having hated my name until I was old enough to change it...which is that I leave the middle name blank, so that if my child feels that a name is better suited to who he feels he is, he can just move the name I gave him to the middle, or, if he decides he WANTS a middle name, it can be his choice. Like a spirit name...an inner name. BUT......I think your idea is just lovely. really lovely.


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

If we have another girl, I definately want to give her Freja's name for a middle name. I can't think of a better way to honor her big sister, and there's not a more meaningful name out there that we could ever possibly find!


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Well, I’m not pregnant and who knows if/when I will be, but this is something DH and I have discussed. I thought it would be a nice tribute to use the baby’s name for a future rainbow baby’s middle name but DH felt kind of icky about it, so we compromised by finding a name that sounds very similar but is different name. But, we'll have to see what feels right when the time comes.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

We had decided just days after losing Duncan that if the next baby was a boy he'd be Grayson Allan Duncan. It has been decided for over 10 months. Grayson and Allan come from a character in one of DH's poems. His name is actually Henry Allan Grayson. Ever since he began writing the poem I've always felt drawn to the name. I love the name Henry. But after losing Duncan we ditched Henry, rearranged the names and added Duncan. Now I'm starting to lean more toward Henry.

I just don't want to feel bad in the long run if we decide to go with Henry Allan Grayson instead.







He's never really felt like a Grayson to me, but he does feel like a Henry. DH likes both, but he favors Henry.

Oh, and all of our kids have two middle names.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Britt - I think you just have to do whatever feels right to you.
And maybe you won't know for sure until you meet your little guy.

FWIW, I did feel strongly about somehow using part of my J.T.'s name
for my Rainbow boy . . . so Will is "William Thompson ___ ___ ," with the
Thompson middle name after his big brother.
(BTW, love the name "Henry" too - it is my DS1's name!)


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## Mom to E and A (Jul 11, 2005)

Never even occured to me to do that
Naturally when my 4 year old suggested we name the new baby (if a girl) Elise, I told her we already had a baby named Elise
We are going to give this baby an E name regardless of gender and only said no "R" middle name to avoid the same initials, but that's all we've really discussed about middle names.
Ella Elise is just as nice as Ella Faith or any other middle name we come up with, so thanks for the idea!


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

No. My living babies and my spirit babies all have their own names. I don't think that subsequent babies should be "saddled" with the name of a lost child. Even if it is "just a middle name". But that's me. The rest of you are entitled to your own opinion.


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
No. My living babies and my spirit babies all have their own names. I don't think that subsequent babies should be "saddled" with the name of a lost child. Even if it is "just a middle name". But that's me. The rest of you are entitled to your own opinion.

That's my husband's opinion, along with him not wanting to feel like we are trying to "replace" our baby, which is why we compromised on maybe using a similar name. I can definitely see both sides, it's a lot to think about.


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## terrabella (Oct 19, 2005)

I've done it twice.


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

I did. My girl is Fiona Ava. Ava after my first m/c that I lost at 16 weeks. I figured people name babies after other family member who pass. She is named in honor of her sis, not in place of.


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## terrabella (Oct 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *christinespurlock* 
She is named in honor of her sis, not in place of.

Exactly.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

well, in some cultures, it's common to name a subsequent living baby after a baby that has died, for a first name too.

we had a 14 week loss that we named clara and my living dd is clara. if we have another boy, we will probably use Matthew as a middle name. i wouldn't want to use it as a first name again. we spent so much time with him, even in his death, i don't think i could call a baby by his name.


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't.

I wouldn't name a child after a living sibling, so I wouldn't name a child after a sibling that had died. And I understand the "honoring, not replacing" but in my mind, and heart, my babies are all individuals and deserve their own name. Just my opinion.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

No. We won't be. Like Vermillion's dh, my DH feels quite strongly about it. He is finding it difficult enough to manage the fact that if Emma had lived, we most likely wouldn't be expecting "Jurgen" here because she was supposed to be our last baby, without dealing with them sharing a name.

For me, it's not a HUGE deal but it isn't an important way for me to remember Emma iyswim. Also, there is no male equivalent that we like if this baby is a boy and Emma doesn't really fit with any of the first names we like for a little girl. So it's a practical thing too.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
well, in some cultures, it's common to name a subsequent living baby after a baby that has died, for a first name too.

I took art history in college. Apparently, Vincent Van Gogh was named for his stillborn older brother ... also Vincent. Now, I'm not saying this caused Vincent's depression but......

http://www.articlesbase.com/art-arti...gh-434807.html


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Thanks, ladies! I think I have my heart set on Henry Allen Grayson.


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

I have a friend who gave her rainbow baby a name that rhymed with the name of her daughter who was lost.

For me, every baby has had its own unique name. It never occurred to me to use the names I thought of for my lost ones for my later children.


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## Dov'sMom (Jan 24, 2007)

I can't imagine naming a child after a sibling who died, because, as Philomom said, I'd feel it was a betrayal to the one child to give its name to another and an unfair burden to the second.

On the other hand, in my culture people frequently name a child born after a loss (or sometimes some other tragedy, but I think most frequently after the loss of a child) Hebrew names that mean "Succor," "Peace," "Comfort," etc. (in Hebrew, there's a different word for "peace" as in "not war" and "peace" as in "peace of heart"; same for physical v. emotional comfort). It's often as a middle name as well. I think I'm more comfortable with that because it focuses more on the living child than the loss, but I can see the other approach.


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## terrabella (Oct 19, 2005)

I agree about the first name issue. I could never do that.

But as a middle name, we feel that it is an honor for *both*children.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

i named my daughter joslyn marie. marie was my middle name but when i got married i decided to drop that and use my maiden name as my middle name, so now it is jessica 'maiden name' paez. so, i was thinking i would give our next daughter either something from me or something from joslyn. i have thought of the name josie soleil (and call her by soleil-soleil josie doesn't flow well) or a name i also like is isla and it would be isla jessica. i don't know...just some thoughts.


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

We had about a million names planned out before we had Gideon. It was too hard for us to choose one ebfore he was born. Actually, Gideon had been mentioned and kinda tossed aside. We both liked Jareth Alexander, but I was determined that our little guy's name was Elliott - I thought so from the day I found out he was, indeed, a he. So we agreed to name our next boy Jareth Alexander. So, in a way, our rainbow baby is named after his brother, and in a way he's not. I like it because it is a subtle reminder of our first who is gone, but it's not obvious to anyone who doesn't know the story. However, I wouldn't see a problem using a name as a middle if you wanted to - it's all about personal preference.


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## JTA Mom (Feb 25, 2007)

Honestly, Dh & I wished we had thought of giving our second son our first son's name as a middle name. It even fits. However, I don't want to go change all the paperwork to do that. But yes, if you want to, go for it. We definitely would have had we thought of it in time.

Not for a first name though. Dh wanted to do that. I couldn't. I wouldn't name two living siblings the same, why would I do that if one was in heaven & the other here on Earth??

Ami


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I didn't think about that. Probably wouldn't because I'm the only one who knows the gender of our lost baby. Dh doesn't want to know. If we do ever have another baby, I'm going to hope for the opposite sex.


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## starkyld (Aug 31, 2007)

I hadn't planned to learn the gender during my last pregnancy (and don't in this one either). So the name for the fetus I lost is Podling, because that's what we called him (or her) while I was pregnant and it seemed so much more than one of the names that we'd discussed but never settled upon, especially given that gender wasn't confirmed.

The current pregnancy is Bagel. One of my weird twitchy concerns while trying to conceive again was what to call this kidlet during development, because I had thought of "podling" as a generic placeholder name, like "bean" or "bun", before bestowing it on Podling for keeps.

We will probably use the top boy or girl name that we discussed for last pregnancy with this child, should my pregnancy continue. I'm at 7 weeks now and still so scared. But I won't call this one Podling in utero--that name's been taken.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

My miscarried baby still carries their fetus name.... think something like "peanut". That's just what we call him/her.

My stillborn son has a "real" name. First name and middle name different than those of his subsequent siblings.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

I *AM* named for a stillborn older sister.

99% of the time, it doesn't even cross my mind.

But when it DOES - it is creepy and kind of unsettling. I was not THE child they wanted, I *AM* a replacement child - so much so I wasn't even given my own name, as if I am supposed to be my sister. There is more backstory there, of course, but the name doesn't help.

So, no - I could NOT do it. I would not.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizaBear* 
I *AM* named for a stillborn older sister.

99% of the time, it doesn't even cross my mind.

But when it DOES - it is creepy and kind of unsettling. I was not THE child they wanted, I *AM* a replacement child - so much so I wasn't even given my own name, as if I am supposed to be my sister. There is more backstory there, of course, but the name doesn't help.

So, no - I could NOT do it. I would not.


Ah... that's quite a perspective.










For us, "William" is a family name. My dad was William the II... my older son has William as a middle name... and I named my little William after my dad had passed... so I don't know that it would be quite the same, to honor the next baby with "William" in some way...

But honestly, I think I'm all Williamed out...









But I do kind of like Willamena!


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## jgc920 (Jun 28, 2005)

i had a gender neutral first name that i had picked out for what turned out to be our ectopic baby, and so even though the loss was at 7 weeks, that name, in my heart, will always belong to that baby... the gender specific middle names i had picked out i will still probably use whenever we have our rainbow baby, because they are family names (or variations) and i hadn't really associated them with the baby we lost.


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I did not use Norah's name in my Maya's name at all. I felt like I wanted to give her a totally different name so that I could solidify in my mind that Maya was not Norah returning. I know other people feel differently.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizaBear* 
I *AM* named for a stillborn older sister.

99% of the time, it doesn't even cross my mind.

But when it DOES - it is creepy and kind of unsettling. I was not THE child they wanted, I *AM* a replacement child - so much so I wasn't even given my own name, as if I am supposed to be my sister. There is more backstory there, of course, but the name doesn't help.

So, no - I could NOT do it. I would not.

Thanks for your honesty.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm going to ride both sides of this fence. I am sure I could not use Micah Zachary for another child. BUT I could and may...use a similar name for a sub. I would not do that if Micah had lived...I LOVE Mariah which looks a like Micah when glancing @ the word...and I guess we'd just pray it's a girl


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

I also personally feel I couldn't - because Xavier Orion was HIS name. If I have another boy - I want to also make sure to give him his own identity. Im not sure if I would reuse maybe his middle name with another baby or not. I guess when the time comes - then we will cross that bridge.
It's hard too because Xavier was the ONLY name hubby and I both LOVED. Everything else we kinda didn't like at all - and Im not a fan of making up names!


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

after dresden died, i just knew i;d have a girl next (til i got preg. and thought she was a boy!haha) i wanted her to have his initials DSR.. and so i looked for D names and got Delaney!


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