# ???s for parents of non-verbal toddlers



## SortaCrunchy (Nov 24, 2005)

DD turned two at the end of January and speaks less than 5 words. She knows and can sign around 25 words, but as far as actually talking - well, not so much. We started her in speech therapy through our state's Early Intervention program in February and we meet with a speech therapist once a month to work on strategies.

Anyway, if you also have a non-verbal toddler, can you share some feedback with me?

1) Are you doing any kind of formal ST or just letting time take its course? If you are doing ST, what kind of strategies do they have you working on?

2) When people ask your toddler questions, do you answer for them? How do you handle that?

3) On a personal level, can you give me a pep talk? I am feeling kind of discouraged over all of this right now and I could definitely use some support from other mamas who are going through or have been through the same thing.

Thanks so much!!


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## Socks! (Dec 25, 2005)

Well, DS1 had a few more words and was still considered within the range of normal. So we never did therapy.
He.won't.stop.talking.now!!!








No, seriously, I know how stressful this can get.

One advice that helped me is to trust more. Trust your DD's ability to learn how to speak. Trust that you are providing her with everything she needs. Trust yourself. Trust your relationship with her. Trust life.
This might sound not very helpful or even dumb. I know it's not easy to do, but once I started to trust things more everything just seemed to fall into place.

She will talk and you will daydream of the days where she wasn't talking yet, hehe, jk.

As for answering for them. I always do. Even now. Strangers have a hrad time understanding kids a lot of the times, so I have no problem to speak for my kids.

*Hugs*

She will talk sooner or later!


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## sbgrace (Sep 22, 2004)

Anyway, if you also have a non-verbal toddler, can you share some feedback with me? Well, I had a non-verbal toddler.

1) Are you doing any kind of formal ST or just letting time take its course? If you are doing ST, what kind of strategies do they have you working on? We did speech therapy as much as was available. Like you, though, the therapy was limited. (Once a month is







) and I may be reading too much into this but it seems you aren't getting what you need to feel as if you can help your daughter. You might check out this link as some of their materials may give you some good direction. http://www.hanen.org/Hanen2002/pages...enPrograms.htm The things that most helped my boys I did on my own. I think that sometimes you wait and it all works out...maybe even often that happens. But if you wait and then the child is three and still delayed you would kick yourself for waiting. Not to mention the frustrations a 2.5 year old who can't express himself/herself well has. So I generally say intervention might help and certainly can't hurt.

2) When people ask your toddler questions, do you answer for them? How do you handle that? Yes, I always answered for them. I still interpret (three year old boys are hard to understand sometimes!) I never explained....Just answered as in "oh yes she loves grandma's house"

3) On a personal level, can you give me a pep talk? I am feeling kind of discouraged over all of this right now and I could definitely use some support from other mamas who are going through or have been through the same thing.
Pep talk.







This isn't you. Usually speech delays are wired into the kiddo genetically. It is hard when your child is behind but behind now doesn't mean behind forever (or even behind 6 months from now). Does your daughter understand everything? Delays in understanding are tougher than delays in talking. (my son had both along with delays in tons of other areas). Does this experience help...my best friend is a former speech therapist for birth to threes. She has a Master's and did this for 10 years. She had a daughter and is a stay at home mom. And her daughter didn't say a word for 23 months...not one! She got a few right before two years and when she took off she really did. She isn't delayed at all now and she isn't even three yet. Some kids are more gradual but most catch up.


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

My oldest ds spoke less than 10 words until right around his second birthday, and then he exploded, and has never stopped. We did not do any therapy- never really considered it necessary. He was able to communicate his needs, and everything else developmentally was okay, so we just waited.


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## MrsTC (Nov 18, 2005)

I answer for my son and used to answer for the young boys I used to nanny who either didn't speak much or were hard to understand (toddlerese). I think that when strangers try to chat up toddlers they clam up a lot of the time anyway.

I would worry if your toddler wasn't signing or anything, but since he is, the verbal part I'd try not to worry about. My ped gave me trouble about it at ds's last visit but I think it's just one of those things they have a super keen eye on with the autism hype. If your kid is fine, in your mind, you know it.


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## UrbanSimplicity (Oct 26, 2005)

I'm not sure if this helps at all, but I read in "Einstein Never Used Flash Cards" that (like some of the pp said) toddlers are pretty slow to learn the first 25-50 words. But once they hit a critical mass, it's like something clicks and they just explode with language. Perhaps your dd is not too far from that point.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

At 2 my youngest son was speaking 10ish words. My Ped refered us to Early Intervention. Its a federal program that works with speech delayed childern ( and other delays like gross & fine motor skills but we only needed speech). Your Ped should have the number or the special ed dept of your local school should also have it. They come to your home to eval your child and therapy is also done in your home. EI stops at 3yrs old. If you have any mommy gut feeling your child could benifit from therapy CALL! My son did not get a langauge explosion until just recently and has been in speech since 2yrs old. They have REALLY helped him.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

My daughter had maybe 2 words at 2 years old.

By 2.5, she just exploded and we stopped counting at 300 words.

If you are concerned, look into a speech eval. If not, I would be inclined to think it is fine.


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## Ok (Feb 6, 2004)

Hows the receptive language? Can your child follow simple instructions (one and two part?)? Hearing is all OK?

1 ds had 5 words at 2yo. But his receptive language was around a 4.5yo. He didn't actually start speech therapy until 4yo. He's fine and other than the early speech delays is neurotypical.

1 ds just turned 3yo today and has very little language, productive or receptive. He's autistic. His lack of language is very different from his older brother who just didn't talk.

So, if your child "gets language" then I would not be as worried-- although your child could certainly still benefit from ST if available. If there are other language red flags (child doesn't respond to their own name, or at least not consistently... can't follow simple instructions)... then I'd be more concerned.

Good luck.


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

At 2, my oldest DS, really didn't say many words. Maybe about 10 that he would use on a normal basis, he signed a LOT though.

1) Are you doing any kind of formal ST or just letting time take its course? If you are doing ST, what kind of strategies do they have you working on?

No, we did not do ST, my son is one of those kids who cannot be hurried, he just does things in his own merry time, so I knew that if I just gave him a chance, he would eventually start talking, by 2.5 yrs old he really started to boom and now he is 3 and won't shut up, lol! He is still a little bit difficult to understand, but understandable if you stop and give him your attn.

2) When people ask your toddler questions, do you answer for them? How do you handle that?

Sometimes I do. Other times I will ask him the question and then he will respond and if the person doesn't, "get" it, I interpret. My son is very outgoing, but when ppl ask him questions, he becomes kind of shy.

3) On a personal level, can you give me a pep talk? I am feeling kind of discouraged over all of this right now and I could definitely use some support from other mamas who are going through or have been through the same thing.

Just be patient. I too was feeling awful about this, esp since a friend with a son only a few wks older than my son suddenly started speaking in almost complete sentences at the age of 18 mo. I try not to compare, but it's still hard not to notice the difference, kwim? Then my parents would not get off my back about something, "being wrong," and how my son needed to see a ST. As I said before, my son is one of those kids that does things when he is ready, he cannot be pushed, if you push, he will only resist more. So, I knew that eventually he'd come around, I just needed to be patient and let him do it on his own time. The one thing I was really anal about was making sure that nothing was wrong with his hearing. His hearing is impeccable, so I knew that at least it was not due to hearing problems. Big {{{HUGS}}} Give your child some time, a few months at this age makes a HUGE difference, so you may find that in a few months your child's starts to talk a lot more than you would have ever imagined. As for all the nay sayers, just ignore them. For me, that was easy, b/c I have dealt with this type of attitude regarding a lot of my parenting choices, and so far following my gut has always ended up working out just fine.


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## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

Yes, DS is in ST - sessions are one hour long, two times a week. We are working a lot on signing, a lot of "making choices" (he's also very behind on what he understands, not just what he can say). For instance, the therapist will show him a set of pics on a board, and he has to choose which of those items he'd like to play with. We work with him some on oral motor control - teaching him how to blow bubbles or a pinwheel, chewing certain things, etc. We work on animal sounds a lot too because they're easier to make than actual words. He's really into animals right now anyway so that helps.









As for questions.... DS is very small for his age (he's 22 and half months and is just starting to really fill out his 12m clothes - and some are still too big) so people don't generally directly ask him questions because they just assume he's much younger than he is. It does happen though, and I just straight up answer. They may look confused for a second but oh well. Its not like too many 22 month olds will answer you when you ask them "How old are you?" regardless of wether they can say it or not anyway.









Just try to hang in there though... and just remember, she's not going to be non-verbal forever, kwim? Honestly, sometimes therapists will tell you to wait it out if at that age. She very may well have a language explosion before you even get her into see anyone. The only reason they started so young with our DS (we started at 19m) is because he has a brain malformation and like I said, quite behind in his understanding as well. Anyway, she will talk... we never thought our DS would EVER be able to speak and even he is starting to "say" things while signing them like cat ("ca"), cracker ("ca-cuh"), and some animal sounds. He just keeps suprising us over and over and I'm sure your DD will too!


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

DS2 is 2.5 and still says very few words (mom, car, home, daddy, eat, kitty, "beau" and "daisey" (our dogs), school, water & night-night) - plus, he's got words that I understand, but they aren't "correct" - for example "horse" is "y" (just like the letter) and "milk" is "nie" (like "eye" with an N) and his brother, Will, is Yeye......... come to think of it, all his made-up words sound the same.......








He uses the words just fine in normal conversation and he knows the "right" word when I use it, etc. He is noticably "behind" the other kids at dcp, though.

I haven't looked into speech therapy. I'm just letting him develop at his own pace. He walked at 9 months, so I know he's got his own schedule for things







I'm not too hung up on what's "normal".

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ZenSizzled* 

So, if your child "gets language" then I would not be as worried-- although your child could certainly still benefit from ST if available. If there are other language red flags (child doesn't respond to their own name, or at least not consistently... can't follow simple instructions)... then I'd be more concerned.


Thanks! I hadn't really thought about that. DS2 doesn't talk much, but he understands SO much and follows directions or requests really well (loves to "help" with tons of stuff)


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

My ds was non verbal until about age 3 ( didn't even sign) and then it all just "clicked." He was difficult to understand so we started very simple speech therapy through the speech therapist at my dd elementary school. This continued twice and week until first grade, age 6. Absolutely no problems now and he's a top student.

DD2 was non verbal at 2 yr check up but signed alot and understood EVERYTHING. Now at 28 mos she talks and is understood all the time.

Do not worry, They all develop at their own pace. Talk to her all the time, sing songs in the car, say the ABCs, count to 10, etc. Just keep communicating and I think it's great that you're involved with EI. That's an added bonus.


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## SortaCrunchy (Nov 24, 2005)

WOW, mamas! I have tears in my eyes reading all this great support, encouragement, and BTDT feedback. I have many friends who are kind and supportive and encourage me to just be patient and give DD time, but it is just so different hearing support from moms who have actually been through it. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond - it has totally made my day!

We do have her in ST through EI . . . in her evaluation, the therapist said that she is on-target or above age level for all developmental areas except expressive language. Her receptive language is fine - she responds to her name and can understand and follow directions (when she wants to - LOL). It's just that something doesn't quite click yet when it comes to vocalizing her responses. We have also had her hearing checked to cover that base and it checked out fine.

2JungsMama - thank you so much for the encouragement to trust more. I needed to hear that! This is my child who arrived 10 days "late" and has been on the "late" end of things with everything from rolling over as an infant to walking. She really does just take things on in her own time . . . and I needed to be reminded to trust that it will happen when she is ready and to trust myself and her in the meantime. Thank you so much for that.

sbgrace - thank you SO much for the Hanen link. I can't wait until nap time so I can really read through that. It looks like a great resource! I was also disappointed we only see the ST once a month, but since EI is a federal program . . . well, time and resources are limited I guess. But this link looks awesome!

Again, everyone, just thank you so much for taking the time to respond. SO VERY HELPFUL! I just love MDC!


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## Literate (Jan 4, 2006)

You may also want to read through these: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=551443
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=623131

for some more thoughts on the topic.


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## SortaCrunchy (Nov 24, 2005)

Awesome links, Literate! Thank you!!


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## Vicitoria (Dec 17, 2004)

My son is 32 months. He still using just one word, maybe two at a time. He knows a LOT of them but no sentences (expect for his first one "I love you too mommy" melt) The doctor said if he know 7 words that was within normal range. He understand everything. He listens (as much as a 2 yo can) and reacts. We spent a year in Germany and I don't know if that put him behind or not. He does use some German words now too. We've been back in the states for 5 months. His language did take off when we stated him in daycare for socialization but it really didn't take him as far as we thought it would.

It's really kind of weird sometimes. He counts funny - doesn't use one but will start with 2 and say 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 4. But in passing he will know how to count to ten or know 18 comes after 17. It's all in there, he just doesn't use it all verbally yet.

It's frustrating but not necessarily all bad.


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vicitoria* 
My son is 32 months. He still using just one word, maybe two at a time. He knows a LOT of them but no sentences (expect for his first one "I love you too mommy" melt) The doctor said if he know 7 words that was within normal range. He understand everything. He listens (as much as a 2 yo can) and reacts. We spent a year in Germany and I don't know if that put him behind or not. He does use some German words now too. We've been back in the states for 5 months. His language diake off when we stated him in daycare for socialization but it really didn't take him as far as we thought it would.

It's really kind of weird sometimes. He counts funny - doesn't use one but will start with 2 and say 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 4. But in passing he will know how to count to ten or know 18 comes after 17. It's all in there, he just doesn't use it all verbally yet.

It's frustrating but not necessarily all bad.

Victoria-

My 37 mo old is the same way. He just started speaking sentences about 2 mo ago, but they are still rather broken up. He also doesn't say, "I," he says, "you." I think we are mixing him up, b/c when DH and I talk to him, we say, "you," so we need to start saying, "I" more often. He also starts counting with, "2." It drives me nuts, we've tried to get him to start with, "1" so many times. I'm not sure what the deal is, I am sure he will outgrow it, but until I read your post, I thought my son was the only one who did this.


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mags* 
He also starts counting with, "2." It drives me nuts, we've tried to get him to start with, "1" so many times. I'm not sure what the deal is, I am sure he will outgrow it, but until I read your post, I thought my son was the only one who did this.

DS starts with three - everything is "three".
He also only knows the letters A and E, so he sings his "ABCs" like "A-E-A-E-A-E" with the right tune and everything, but only those letters.


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