# Ferber back peddles on national tv!



## mom2alicia (Nov 30, 2004)

i just saw the interview with ferber on the today show. anyone else catch it? what did you think? i was glad to see him soften his stance and emphasize that parents need to be aware of their childs cues and lots of things can be going on with a child and the classic "ferber" approach is for one specific problem and can actually be the totally wrong approach to use for the wrong problem. i still don't agree with him, he still isn't about NFL. however, i was glad to see him back peddle a bit. maybe it will get the mainstream public thinking....


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## mskgandn (Jun 3, 2005)

Darn, I watch the last 1/2 hour or so of the Today Show, but missed this. Wished I'd known it would be on. If anyone has more info If you get video on your computer, here is a link to the interview. I can't get sound here, so if anyone wants to transcribe, it would be appreciated.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032633/

mskgandn


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## nurtureyourbabies (Aug 30, 2005)

Yeah, I saw it too! I recorded it for DH to see, we both laughed at him trying to "clarify" his stance. I loved when Matt Lauer asked him if all his followers who had "feberized" their babies over the past 20 yrs should now feel guilty about letting their child cry! Ha! Go Matt!


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## nurtureyourbabies (Aug 30, 2005)

I just watched the video and another question Matt posed was "how do you respond to your critics that equate ferberizing to infant neglect?" Of course Ferber evaded and said that he never advised parents to let their child cry w/o comforting them, huh? OK Dr Ferber, if it helps you sleep at night!


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## beaches1098 (Jun 17, 2004)

: Saw it. He beat around the bush so much trying to say parents misunderstood etc.


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## MA mommy (Feb 5, 2003)

20 years later he has regrets?







: It's because he is trying to sell a revised edition of his book in the spring. Now it all makes sense!









I can't get the video to load


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## mom2alicia (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MA mommy*
20 years later he has regrets?







: It's because he is trying to sell a revised edition of his book in the spring. Now it all makes sense!
















if it is an improvement on his first book, in a way, i hope he does revise it. because so many people still buy and reference his original book.


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## PaxMamma (Jul 22, 2005)

i was shocked that matt lauer didn't "baby ferber. they're ussually not very hostile towards their guests. but i thought ferber came off looking quite bad. and anyone who has actually read his book will know he flat out lied at points.


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## AmieV (Mar 31, 2005)

I haven't read his book and didn't watch the segment so I don't entirely know what I'm talking about here....but I do know he doesn't advocate doing it before 5-6 months, and I have heard of parents starting it way earlier than that. Don't know much about the guy, but I'm sure he doesn't feel good about that, and that could be part of what he's saying has been misunderstood. The segment about it on NBC Nightly News had a woman talking about how she was trying "everything" and was "desperate" to get some sleep....with her *7.5* WEEK old. Uh..excuse me? You have a newborn, they get hungry at night. Who told you you'd be getting any sleep? They're also waking up because it's physically not good for them to sleep longer and deeper.

THAT's what bothers me most about the whole thing...this feeling that babies shouldn't intrude upon our lives in any way. I'd like to talk to this lady in a year or so and see how "desperate" for sleep she is then. My baby actually slept great as a newborn and is up more now than she was then and I feel better rested than I used to...it's the grownups that should be doing the adapting!


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## MA mommy (Feb 5, 2003)

Here is the ABC link: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Health/story?id=1317690


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## rootzdawta (May 22, 2005)

"There comes a point when a baby is crying that you are not teaching them anything anymore," Giordano said.

















It really irks me that some people think that by letting a baby just cry, you are teaching them something. What is that "point" that this supposed sleep-expert is talking about? I firmly believe crying is a baby's way of communicating and/or letting off steam. It is just so sad that people think babies need to learn how to be ignored quietly. I agree with a pp . . . it's the adults that need to do the learning/adapting to baby not the other way around. I swear . . . are babies not human? If I were wailing, I'd want somebody to do something other than ignore me or come every few minutes to confirm that I were still alive. Geez.


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## dynamohumm6 (Feb 22, 2005)

I posted this on my due date club as well, but I wanted to see what you guys thought of this...

re: Ferber/sleep training

There have been several news pieces lately (around here, at least) that have been talking about the huge surge in kids between the ages of 10 and 19 going on prescription sleep aids.
Ferber came 'round with his method 20 years ago, and others like him quickly followed suit.
My gut tells me there's a correlation to be made there, between the onset of these CIO sleep methods hitting the market, and babies 10-20 years LATER having sleep issues on a large enough scale to make a giant increase in the number of sleep aid prescriptions being written.

Of course there are lots of variables in there, ie kids have a lot going on, more overstimulation from their world in general, and the readiness and willingness to simply prescribe a drug rather than treat any underlying problems...but still, I have to wonder if it really is merely coincidence that kids that were born in the great Ferber Era are growing up and have become the biggest age group for prescription sleep meds....


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

I totally agree that things like this (traumatizing parental mishaps or early introduction of the wrong food, etc) can have direct or indirect correllation to that child's future well-being, and if there is a higher incedence of sleep aids in children who were allowed to CIO, then IMO I assume there is some correllation between the two. However, as you said there are always many variables. For instance, it's my observation that there is a higher incedence of MANY prescriptions simply because that is the way our world has turned more and more so over the years....







Everyone is looking for the magic pill. Too bad one magic pill needs another to fix the havoc it reaks.







anyhoo I'm rambling now! I would like to add that I mistakenly tried CIO with my dd







and wish I hadn't but after Crying It Out myself and realizing it wasn't for us, I hope I haven't traumatized her in some small way.... Well, no parent is perfect







We do what we know, and I just didn't know. Now I do.


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## mom2alicia (Nov 30, 2004)

definitely part of me groans and thinks yuck another sleep training book on the market. but the other part thinks that if it is at all more child friendly than it would helpful to replace his older book. i know psychologists and doctors who still refer people to his book.


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## LizD (Feb 22, 2002)

There seems to be evidence, actually, that not instilling healthy sleep patterns in early childhood is what's leading to the current levels of insomnia in young people. There were plenty of methods of CIO *long* before Ferber published his book. Dh and I were both left to cry on occasion and while I don't do that with my children, I don't think it causes long term harm unless it is done heartlessly and without any real attention from the parents. I mean, we have to keep some perspective. Babies are hardy little creatures and will not be traumatized by crying, or mom or dad making a mistake.

I just know too many great families with terrific teens and young adults who were parented just about as differently as possible from my style, so it doesn't make sense to demonize one man or method of doing things. It's a lack of attachment that causes problems, and I also have had friends and clients who do everything as AP as you could wish, and are not actually attached to their children. Secure attachment is enhanced by natural ways of doing things, but is by no means synonymous.


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## shanagirl (Oct 24, 2005)

Extra point-- I am not a fan of commercial TV but if those of you who saw the segment or see it now through the link think Matt Lauer, a very mainstream kind of interviewer, asked the right questions and veered from the plastic kindness these morning shows usually have, you should write to the station and let them know you appreciated that. I'm really glad to hear he pressed on it.

I do know that the New Yorker had an article about two years ago that focused on this issue and the point of the article was "Ferber recanted," so I think his insights and softening started sooner than just now.

Let the mainstream hear from the APs in a positive way. This is good news.


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## slinginhipmama (Feb 15, 2005)

I actually watched the Nightly News and they had it on there. I was with my MIL who thinks a baby NEEDS to cry







and she kept quiet the whole time (I think that was a first!!) anyway, I was glad she got to see it. Maybe she'll wake up and tell me I should keep bfing until Nolan 6 yrs, that the family bed is a wonderful idea and that wearing a baby will NOT inhibit his ability to become independent....

A girl can dream can't she????


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

Quote:

....you should write to the station and let them know you appreciated that. I'm really glad to hear he pressed on it.
~~~~
Let the mainstream hear from the APs in a positive way. This is good news.








:


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

_I wanted to thank you for the segment with Matt Lauer and Dr. Richard Ferber. I was one of the parents that regret trying the CIO/Ferber method with my now 4 year old daughter. We quickly decided that it wasn't the right approach for us, but not until after a heartbreaking one night. Dr. Ferber is right to tell everyone that parents should look for as much advice as possible before trying a controversial technique such as his. Matt Lauer certainly handled the interview well in my opinion - enabling Mr. Ferber to finally come to admission of his method's flaws.

Thanks again,_


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## snelps (Nov 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SunRayeMomi*









... I would like to add that I mistakenly tried CIO with my dd







and wish I hadn't but after Crying It Out myself and realizing it wasn't for us, I hope I haven't traumatized her in some small way.... Well, no parent is perfect







We do what we know, and I just didn't know. Now I do.

Sara, we can't kick ourselves for mistakes we made that were done with the best intentions and with the best information we had at the time. The parenting you're doing now will make a huge impact on your child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, ecstatic mom of Zoe (4 yrs) and Alma (5 mos.)







:


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## snelps (Nov 18, 2005)

I think it is Dr./Martha Sears who say that cry it out and other "independence" techniques are creating DEtachment. My husband says that parents who try it and the baby stops crying think they have succeeded, but they have just broken their spirit.







It is very sad, but it gives me perspective when I occasionally think: It worked for them, so it's not so bad. Just so sad that parents are misled into thinking CIO is the right thing, even doing their child a favor. So sad that our culture thinks independence is supposed to be trained from day one.

By the way, when people discuss independence and parenting styles, I like to say that I'm confident my attachment-parented child will grow to be as independent as the other AP kids I've seen, but more importantly, that I'm more concerned about INTERdependence than independence. I like to remind people that humans are designed to live in cooperative groups.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lisa, ecstatic mom of Zoe (4 yrs) and Alma (5 mos.)







:


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## SunRayeMomi (Aug 27, 2005)

*Snelps*, I am in agreement with you







In fact, my mother and I were having a discussion such as this not too long ago. We discussed how we are constantly learning new and better methods to parenting as we go along.

She comes to MDC now and then to read, and was reading some of my past posts. She commented on all the many different methods of parenting that there are now and how she didn't have these kinds of options when I was a child. I told her that in fact I had touched on that in an earlier post of mine, saying that I was sure that if my mother had a resource of parenting options such as MDC, she could have learned from her mistakes as a parent and grew from them earlier. Also, I touched on how lucky I felt to have a community such as MDC to fall back on for support, and that, while my mother's intentions were good, had she a support group such as this she may have been happier and more assured of herself during those trying early years. In a way, the look in her eyes at the end of the conversation told me that she felt suddenly forgiven - that she could let go of guilt she may have been harboring for "not doing the right thing" with us kids. That in fact, I didn't blame her for her mistakes.
Maybe I did before becoming a mother, but now I realize that

Quote:

we can't kick ourselves for mistakes we made that were done with the best intentions and with the best information we had at the time. The parenting you're doing now will make a huge impact on your child.
~

To qoute you. Thanks







Well, this went a little







!


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