# THE book recommendation



## lactivist (Jun 14, 2005)

If you had one chance to convince someone about GD and honoring children's spirits and they would only read one book what would it be? Ideally it would cover toddlers to teens and everything in between, have practical tips, and overall cover the GD philosophy. What is that ONE book that would convince someone that this is the way?
Thanks so much,
Wendi


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

I personally think Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is the end all, beat all in gd literature... BUT my experiences recommending/lending it to gd newbies have proven that it is too much and too theoretical for most people to process without some in between material. I think Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen is more accessible as an introduction--more concrete "how to" than deep "why", and he makes a respectful, considerate parent/child relationship sound doable and fun.

This is just my current recommendation, however--I'm waiting for scubamama to write THE book so I can give it to everyone I know! (Hurry up, scubabmama!)


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

The book I really liked was Kids Are Worth It : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso.


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## Nisupulla (Jun 16, 2006)

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish


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## AmyMN (Sep 21, 2002)

_Your Competent Child_ by Jesper Juul

is one of my all-time favorites.


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## fremontmama (Jun 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Llyra*
The book I really liked was Kids Are Worth It : Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline by Barbara Coloroso.

That's my absolute favorite too


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## NoHiddenFees (Mar 15, 2002)

_Hold on to Your Kids_


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## AmyMN (Sep 21, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NoHiddenFees*
_Hold on to Your Kids_









ditto, liked that one too


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will talk.

I have read quite a few other books and this one is still by far my favorite. It gave so many concrete examples that it helped me implement a lot of it immediately.

Many other books can get bogged down with theory.


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

i really like "kids, parents and power struggles" by mary sheedy kurcinka. not sure if it's officially GD, but it talks a lot about recognizing differences in temperament and respecting that rather than trying to bulldoze through them. it's practical and insightful and covers a wide age range. there are excerpts on amazon -- http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0060...39#reader-link .


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## Dawn-o-might (Apr 24, 2005)

Ginott's "Between Parent and Child", Colorosso's "Kids Are Worth It.." and Bailey's "Easy to Love, Dificult to Discipline" are my top three.


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NoHiddenFees*
_Hold on to Your Kids_

Oh, I forgot about that one. That was a terrific book. Can I get a second vote???


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## karlin (Apr 8, 2004)

_Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves_ by Naomi Aldort is awesome. I think it gives better solutions than UP, though I still love Alfie Kohn (and I read UP first and it completely changed me!).


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## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nisupulla*
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

That book changed my thinking in a lot of ways, and opened the door to many other paradigm shifts for me.

So, while I don't think it's the end-all, be-all GD book, I do think it's a powerful gateway to GD, and very accessible to a parent who might dismiss Kohn or Aldort or others.


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## Twocoolboys (Mar 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nisupulla*
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

I vote for this one too. I have read many parenting books and always come back to this one for simple, practical advice. I totally agree with the pp who said it doesn't get bogged down in theory like a lot of books do.


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## Coconut Chronicles (Aug 31, 2006)

:


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## cam&kat's_mom (Jan 12, 2006)

OT but had to add:
See i find it intriguing that my mother has about 90 % of these books on her book shelf (and claims to have read tehm all) and STILL parented teh way she did. (Yelled, spanked, swore, punished, etc) She is my mother and i love her dearly yet do not understand her parenting at all. And her still desire to tell my brother to spank my nephew or her threat to "spank my kids hahnds" if they touch something!! I just don't get it.. This is why I've been so leary to read some of tehse books and am afraid that i will misinterpret them the way she did (if that is what happened) .
But i did like becoming hte parent you always wanted to be.. had it on tape in the car! Great for a long trip!


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## CaraboosMama (Mar 31, 2005)

"Becoming the parent you want to be"

loved many of the others mentioned - but that was the top winner for me!


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## moonfirefaery (Jul 21, 2006)

I have two, Kids Are Worth It and Positive Discipline, that I'm reading now and like a lot. They are the first gentle discipline books I've bought. Everything came so naturally and easily at first, but now that I have a toddler, I need new ideas!


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## meandk0610 (Nov 8, 2005)

:


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## lactivist (Jun 14, 2005)

Thank you all so much! I have to admit that I am looking for a book for my husband. I have asked him to read books since the beginning of our relationship so we could be on the same page. He has read one in the whole time we have been parents, Living Joyfully With Kids (which is excellent). We have been arguing more about discipline lately due to our very headstrong and amazing toddler. He has said he would read a book and I didn't want to screw up my one big chance.







I think I will buy a few of the recommendations and let him pick which one appeals to him. I have been meaning to read Unconditional Parenting so I will definitely get that one. Thanks so much! Feel free to keep them coming because I am always looking for good books. Several of these I have read but don't own so I have some deciding to do. You all rock!!!








Wendi


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## pampered_mom (Mar 27, 2006)

I'm very pleased to have found this thread. I don't normally end up in this section of Mothering, but I've been on the search for the best GD books out there. I'm very pleased to see that some of the ones I requested from the library is on this list. I can't wait to read them! Thanks again!


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nisupulla*
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

My eldest threw that into the toilet about a year ago (it was a phase... let's see what else we can flush). Guess, I'll have to go buy it.









I like a lot of the ones mentioned. In terms of readability, I really like Hillary Flowers, "Adventures in Gentle Discipline." It's a great book for browsing and picking up a tip or two without having to commit to reading a whole chapter.


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## ZeldasMom (Sep 25, 2004)

I like Adventures in Gentle Discipline by Hilary Flower. It's the kind of book you can open up to any page and find something useful. You don't have to read it in order, so it is the perfect, bathroom/bedside table book. Also, for any particular issue, it has an array of GD perspectives, which I like.

It has a very positive tone, toward both children and parents. I try to read from it a few minutes a day, and I think it really helps keep me in the kind of place I want to be with my kids.

A very different book I really like is Parenting from the Inside Out. I think in many cases people know the right way to care for children (they want to use respecftul, nurturing, nonviolent methods), and when they don't follow that route it is often because their emotions have gotten in the way. This book helps you figure out how to be more self aware so you can parent the way your wiser mind knows is best.


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## ZeldasMom (Sep 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *umsami*
In terms of readability, I really like Hillary Flowers, "Adventures in Gentle Discipline." It's a great book for browsing and picking up a tip or two without having to commit to reading a whole chapter.

Somehow I mised this when I posted. Great minds think alike!


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## mommaof3 (Dec 11, 2001)

For husbands, I think that Alfie Kohn's DVD, also called Unconditional Parenting is a great choice. You can watch it together in one evening, and Alfie is just SO dynamic and convincing and fun!


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## sally Z (Aug 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommaof3* 
For husbands, I think that Alfie Kohn's DVD, also called Unconditional Parenting is a great choice. You can watch it together in one evening, and Alfie is just SO dynamic and convincing and fun!


i want to get it for my dh, he will so not read the book. It just cost so much to get it to South Africa


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boongirl* 
Becoming the parent you want to be is also a great one.

Definitely my fave for kids up to 5yo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nisupulla
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish
Great - picks up in age where Becoming...leaves off
Easy to read (I prefer Loving your child is not Enough - very similar to How to talk... but better. Though not as simply laid out and easy to read as How to talk.)


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## eckmannl (Nov 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *umsami* 
In terms of readability, I really like Hillary Flowers, "Adventures in Gentle Discipline." It's a great book for browsing and picking up a tip or two without having to commit to reading a whole chapter.

This one is my favorite. It's so easy to just pick up and turn to any random page and learn a little something


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## aidansmom05 (Jul 10, 2005)

subbing


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## Mountaingirl3 (May 21, 2005)

For an engaging intro to GD with a great attitude and concrete suggestions that work right away:
Ages 1-3
Happiest Toddler on the Block -- Harvey Karp
4+
Playful Parenting -- Lawrence Cohen

I always love to hear about new books. They are a great pick-me-up when my energy for GD fades. Thanks for the ideas, everyone!


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## hapi2help (Mar 14, 2006)

I am so excited to see this thread......I really need something for me to read and something for my DH. My 14 mo is spirited and wonderful and is overwhelming my DH........I just created a "wish list" on Amazon with all of these books!

Thanks.....


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## Mrs.PhD (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mountaingirl3* 
For an engaging intro to GD with a great attitude and concrete suggestions that work right away:
Ages 1-3
*Happiest Toddler on the Block -- Harvey Karp*
4+
Playful Parenting -- Lawrence Cohen

I always love to hear about new books. They are a great pick-me-up when my energy for GD fades. Thanks for the ideas, everyone!


I just got back from a semiar to see Harvey Karp (put on by the county's school board.) It was only $5 and they gave you a copy of a book or viedo for coming too. It was great. I really enjoyed him. Funny though much of his work is stuff that just comes naturally to me anyway. Still it was very good.


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## Venice Mamacita (Dec 24, 2003)

Reading Alfie Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting" created a real paradigm shift for me, so I recommend that to everyone who asks (his new book about homework is awesome, too!). My DH, however, won't read anything more than a few pages long, so I broke down and bought the DVD and we watched it together . . . what a relief! Now DH understands where I'm coming from, and I got to review. Wish Cohen would put out a "Playful Parenting" DVD!

"Becoming the Parent You Want to Be" is great because it puts the focus on you as a parent, rather than your kid as a "problem."


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I really like Anthony Wolf's "The Secret of Parenting", and I think it's a good one for dads, as Wolf's perspective as a dad really comes through. It's funny, engaging, and really the MOST anti-punishment book I've read yet, though I think it would be very easy for someone more "mainstream" to swallow.


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## momileigh (Oct 29, 2002)

These have both been mentioned several times, but I wanted to cast my vote.

How to Talk... for practicality. Also see the other Faber and Mazlish books for more of the same stuff from different angles, Siblings Without Rivalry and How to Talk so Kids can Learn.

Unconditional Parenting... for scholarship. The DVD is a great intro.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lactivist* 
Living Joyfully With Kids (which is excellent).
Wendi

Wendi,
I did a search and it came up with many different (but unrelated) titles-- who is the author?

Jessica


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I looked on Audible.com and How to raise your spirited child is available.

How to talk/TEENS is also available, but not How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

I'm glad I looked because I may be able to listen to a book, I certainly have not found much time to read and have about 4 books I am currently reading/skimming through- lol.

Jessica


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## hapymom (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MtBikeLover* 
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will talk.

I have read quite a few other books and this one is still by far my favorite. It gave so many concrete examples that it helped me implement a lot of it immediately.

Many other books can get bogged down with theory.

I agree, that is a good book!


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