# The transition into not being pregnant



## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)

This has really been a strange feeling. One of my first thoughts, after learning that our baby had passed, was "oh thank God, now I can take my migraine pills". Those aspects of not being pregnant have been really easy to grasp....being able to have a glass of wine, taking any pain meds I need (I get very frequent headaches/migraines).

Today is the first day that my body is starting to feel like it's not pregnant anymore. I think my uterus has just about shrunk back to where it was....there is now a dip where there used to be a rise on my abdomen.

This is just such a strange place for me to be. To think that a month ago, I was planning my homebirth and watching everything I ate and drank. Now, in a transition between pregnant and thinking about trying to conceive again in the Spring.

No request for answers or anything....just wanted to try to write down how strange of a feeling this is for me. I know you all understand.


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## mammabunny (May 8, 2008)

I had a hard time transitioning into non-pregnancy so fast. I would stop and think, "wait I can't eat this lunch meat?..oh wait, yes I can... wait, I can't have a large coffee, wait, yes I can." And now I'm not nursing my 22mos old anymore, and it's the first time in 3yrs that I haven't either been pregnant or nursing. Very strange feeling. Although, we are trying to TTC so I still pretty much adhere to the pregnancy guidelines, except when I get my period. But yes, it's a strange feeling.


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

yeah it is a strange feeling.. one minute you are carrying a life inside you and the next you are not..

for a long time after I lost the babies I would catch myself rubbing my belly, like I would do when I was pregnant..


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

I still sometimes rub my belly. Only now I convert it into a kind of "C'mon now, heal...make the eggies come out..." type thing and talk to all my little eggies in there at once. It feels strange to know that all the future children I might have are already in there, just waiting for a partner...

I really want to be pregnant though. The urge is crazy - like before I got pregnant with Josie I just knew my body clock was ticking and going "come on, have a baby!" That same feeling is with me now. It's SO annoying not knowing exactly when I am going to be ovulating. Gosh, I'd so much rather be in the 2WW right now than stuck in pre-ovulation limbo. I really cannot wait to get pregnant again. And just because of that fact, I bet you any amount of money that it's gonna take us absolutely AGES to put a baby in there again...*sigh*

*HUGS* XXX


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I hear you on it being a hard transition. I think what has hit me the most is that I actually weigh _less_ now than I did when I got pregnant with Noelle. All my pants fit just fine, some are loose. There is no way anyone would ever mistake me for a pregnant woman. And considering it's been less than three weeks since I was very visibly pregnant, that's tough for me.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)




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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lemurmommies* 
I hear you on it being a hard transition. I think what has hit me the most is that I actually weigh _less_ now than I did when I got pregnant with Noelle. All my pants fit just fine, some are loose. There is no way anyone would ever mistake me for a pregnant woman. And considering it's been less than three weeks since I was very visibly pregnant, that's tough for me.

This really spoke to me. It's only been 10 days since I miscarried. The most amazing part to me was how fast my body went back to being "not pregnant." I hadn't really gained much weight, but I was totally showing and wearing maternity clothes. The day after my miscarriage, I could fit back into my jeans. Amazing! I remember looking down and thinking that I looked "deflated." That's kind of how I feel too..."deflated."


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## mrsbabycakes (Sep 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Manessa* 
This really spoke to me. It's only been 10 days since I miscarried. The most amazing part to me was how fast my body went back to being "not pregnant." I hadn't really gained much weight, but I was totally showing and wearing maternity clothes. The day after my miscarriage, I could fit back into my jeans. Amazing! I remember looking down and thinking that I looked "deflated." That's kind of how I feel too..."deflated."

God, I wish this were me. I'm still not fitting into my jeans or bra. I feel fat and I no longer have an excuse!


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

yeah I hate that too.. I have the jelly belly and the saggy boobs from being pregnant but no babies to show for it


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Manessa* 
This really spoke to me. It's only been 10 days since I miscarried. The most amazing part to me was how fast my body went back to being "not pregnant." I hadn't really gained much weight, but I was totally showing and wearing maternity clothes. The day after my miscarriage, I could fit back into my jeans. Amazing! I remember looking down and thinking that I looked "deflated." That's kind of how I feel too..."deflated."

I hear you.







Two days after I delivered Noelle was our son's second birthday party. And I wore my regular jeans. Which are now falling off me. On one hand it's nice because it means that people aren't asking "How's the baby?" But I looked really pregnant before; I'm only 5 feet tall, so while hadn't gained much weight, I had popped. Heck, I was 18 weeks pregnant! And now I think I look thin for me. It's all very odd.


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## Walosi (Apr 26, 2003)

I miscarried almost a week ago at 17.5 weeks. I am in a dreamlike state about the pregnancy, like I was never really pregnant to begin with. My mother (a therapist) says that this is normal and will probably change in about 6-8 months, once I am more ready to cope mentally. We'll see.

After I knew something was definitely terribly wrong, after the perinatalogist and high level u/s, I had a week long destructive eating binge, mainly chocolate. (the baby had congestive heart failure due to a severe heart defect, I had two weeks from the first fuzzy u/s and indication that something was not right to his stillbirth). The holidays make everything a little more surreal. I have two older child to plan Christmas for and my son's birthday is just after that. And yet I am also making cremation arrangements for my stillborn son. I don't like Christmas anyway, it is so stressful, but this one really sucks :-(.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarilynP* 
yeah I hate that too.. I have the jelly belly and the saggy boobs from being pregnant but no babies to show for it









Well, I always have a jelly belly and saggy boobs. I just have a "reason" when I'm pregnant.


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## Sanguine (Sep 8, 2006)

I hated putting away my maternity clothes. I'd just taken them out, and my MIL had taken me shopping the day after I started spotting.. and now I have a maternity winter coat I'll probably never wear--if we're able to get pregnant soon, even with our long Maine winters I'll never need it.

I ate doritos and drank wine for about a month afterward. I don't even do those things when I'm not pregnant. I've eaten all the soft cheese and smoked salmon I can stand. I'm ready to have my diet restricted again!

Good luck to you all over the holidays. I hope the new year brings lots of healing and happy, healthy babies.


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

i'm still staying on the restricted pregnancy diet. it's stupid but i think i'm just being superstitious about ttc again. plus with being so upset, i barely have an appetite and "bad" foods/drinks don't appeal to me.
the good news is i've lost 15 lbs in the last 2 weeks and i'm 3 lbs lighter than i was when i get pregnant.


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

funny thing is I didn't have much of a jelly belly after the first pregnancy.. I think maybe because I pumped for a few weeks while our baby was on life support...

the second one was still born so i didn't get chance to breast feed or pump...


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

I'm feeling a bit like this, too. I was only 9 weeks, but since it was my third, I was getting to that "is she or isn't she" kind of look. Now I just look like I gained 10 lbs.

Christmas eve I had a craving for rum and eggnog and realized, "Hey, I could actually have rum." So I did.


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## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)

Dh attempted a compliment by saying "hey, looks like you've lost some weight from all of this puking you've been doing lately". He's such a dork.....he always knows just the right thing to say. LOL


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## ratrodgrl (Nov 8, 2008)

I love reading a thread like this and realizing I'm not alone! Today it's been a week since I actually miscarried. How did a week go by already? I totally noticed that after the baby passed, things started to go back to 'normal' so quickly. I didn't realize how much bloat was baby bloat







In a way it's a blessing to have things go back so I don't still feel pregnant when I'm not, but I feel slightly betrayed by my body's quickness to 'forget'.

I have however decided to let myself enjoy some stuff. I can't do anything to change it, so I might as well accept the gifts that have come to me with the miscarriage: I can indulge in alcohol if I feel like it. I can have the occasional cup of java (trying to keep from getting back in the caffeine saddle, though, and only have it as a treat). The quantity of dark chocolate need not be monitored! My clothes are fitting 'normal' although I'm still a few pounds heavier than before the pregnancy. I can go back to doing pushups and situps and running, which I just did not feel like doing when I was pregnant (and I think the pushups/situps are too straining for the belly). When I was miscarrying, it took a moment or two to allow myself to take advil for pain, I was so in the mode of not taking anything other than the prenatal. Christmas there were lots of good eats and I indulged more than I might have otherwise, but what the hell, right?


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I know what you mean.. Some aspects of it are good but of course I would never wish for it to happen just so I could have an extra coke, or a beer or whatever









It is a tough transition.. I would love to have my morning sickness back right now.


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## Mutt (Dec 28, 2008)

I was only eight weeks and the miscarriage was two days ago but I feel like I don't want to transition. I don't want to eat the soft cheeses that I loved so much or indulge in delicious salmon sushi like I used to. I was eating so well, eating way more protein than I normally do and I feel guilty not doing it right now. I still feel like I should be feeding my growing baby.

Like a lot of you said, I was surprised how quickly everything went back to normal. A few weeks ago I started burping a lot and everytime I excused myself my partner would just rub my belly and smile saying "it's okay, you have an excuse." It was such a little thing but I miss that routine. He would sit down in front of me while I was standing and put my arms around my waist and rest his head on my belly so he could be close. I feel kind of weird in that I wish I could still do those things but in a way I don't want to do them because it would just hurt too much because there's absolutely no reason to do that anymore.

I was so thin that my hip bones jut out but since being pregnant I got this almost imperceptible curve in my lower belly. No one else could notice but me and him but I was so happy to have it. Me- me who was previously horrified at the idea of gaining weight and who planned on staying my high school weight forever. He was feeding me so I could be "mother fat" and I was happy to go along. The day it started happening my stomach was already going back to flat. Today it was like nothing ever happened. Except for the blood I guess.

On an off topic note, did anyone else feel like this- When I started to miscarry I tryed to psych myself into thinking it was just like any other period (except for the tiny baby blob and the placenta ack!) but all I could think was no no no this is not a period, this is dead baby blood. Did I go to far with that?

This is also the first year I can legally drink on New Years and I'm trying to console myself with the fact that I can at least so that. I still don't want to though. I was being so good and healthy for the baby that I don't want to go back but then I think I should enjoy some wine at least like some of you did.


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## mama in the forest (Apr 17, 2006)

Carrin ~ it's kind of funny you mentioned the migraine medicine. After my loss I thought the same thing....well, I might as well enjoy my migraine medicine now. I take Maxalt....what is yours?


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## ratrodgrl (Nov 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mutt* 

On an off topic note, did anyone else feel like this- When I started to miscarry I tryed to psych myself into thinking it was just like any other period (except for the tiny baby blob and the placenta ack!) but all I could think was no no no this is not a period, this is dead baby blood. Did I go to far with that?

I got all misty reading about how your partner was interacting with you. It's so hard doing the mental transition, remembering that there is no more baby. It's like my mind still thinks I'm pregnant, and my brain has to remind myself.

As far as what you thought about the blood... I don't think you can go too far with some of the sad and mad thoughts about a loss, but this is the way I preferred to look at it: our wombs fill up with blood to support a baby if we conceive, and if we don't that month, then it flows out. So that's a period. When there's no more baby, our body's 'ocean' flows the baby out of our body. Maybe that's sentimental, but hey it made me feel better.


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mutt* 
I was only eight weeks and the miscarriage was two days ago but I feel like I don't want to transition. I don't want to eat the soft cheeses that I loved so much or indulge in delicious salmon sushi like I used to. I was eating so well, eating way more protein than I normally do and I feel guilty not doing it right now. I still feel like I should be feeding my growing baby.

Like a lot of you said, I was surprised how quickly everything went back to normal. A few weeks ago I started burping a lot and everytime I excused myself my partner would just rub my belly and smile saying "it's okay, you have an excuse." It was such a little thing but I miss that routine. He would sit down in front of me while I was standing and put my arms around my waist and rest his head on my belly so he could be close. I feel kind of weird in that I wish I could still do those things but in a way I don't want to do them because it would just hurt too much because there's absolutely no reason to do that anymore.

I was so thin that my hip bones jut out but since being pregnant I got this almost imperceptible curve in my lower belly. No one else could notice but me and him but I was so happy to have it. Me- me who was previously horrified at the idea of gaining weight and who planned on staying my high school weight forever. He was feeding me so I could be "mother fat" and I was happy to go along. The day it started happening my stomach was already going back to flat. Today it was like nothing ever happened. Except for the blood I guess.

On an off topic note, did anyone else feel like this- When I started to miscarry I tryed to psych myself into thinking it was just like any other period (except for the tiny baby blob and the placenta ack!) but all I could think was no no no this is not a period, this is dead baby blood. Did I go to far with that?

This is also the first year I can legally drink on New Years and I'm trying to console myself with the fact that I can at least so that. I still don't want to though. I was being so good and healthy for the baby that I don't want to go back but then I think I should enjoy some wine at least like some of you did.

I just had to say that you sounded like you had a lot going for this baby. You wrote in your other thread that so many of your family were hoping you would abort anyway, but the way you describe you and your partner is so sweet. It sounds like he was really taking care of you, bonding with the baby, and making sure you got enough to eat, and that YOU were really taking care of yourself too. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope that some of the people around you will recognize how hard this is for you, and how you were both preparing to be great parents!!!


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## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama in the forest* 









Carrin ~ it's kind of funny you mentioned the migraine medicine. After my loss I thought the same thing....well, I might as well enjoy my migraine medicine now. I take Maxalt....what is yours?


I take Zomig....it's the only one that has ever worked for me. Stinks....because while bfing, they gave me that other popular one (can't think of the name), and it didn't even come close to helping.


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## Mutt (Dec 28, 2008)

ratrodgrl- Thank you for sharing your way of thinking with me. I'm trying to think of it as not a terrible thing, as a natural thing but damn, natural can be terrible too.

Carlyle- It's true we were really preparing but I couldn't really talk about it with anyway because they all thought it was a bad idea.

It's good to know that there are people like you all who understand. From not pregnant to pregnant can be great but abruptly and somewhat violently not pregnant anymore is quite a shock.

Hugs to you all


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## diana_of_the_dunes (Dec 7, 2008)

It's definitely a weird and somewhat unnatural transition... I was 10 weeks (supposedly 8 week fetal age) and already wearing maternity jeans. I'm pretty slender with a short torso, so once my uterus started to grow, there was nowhere for it to go but straight out. What really sucks is that I lost the baby, but hardly any of the weight... I didn't mind gaining weight for the baby, but now it seems it was for nothing. I suppose it didn't help that all I wanted to eat after the m/c was junk food like pizza and brownies... It's only 5 extra pounds, but in my mind, it's "dead baby weight."









I did jump wholeheartedly back on the coffee wagon, and it's going to be difficult to transition to decaf or none at all. I'm not hooked on the caffeine, thankfully, but I will miss my daily mocha when I'm pregnant again.

Even though I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those people, I was already rubbing or touching my belly quite a bit. I'd talk to my little baby, too. That habit disappeared instantly, though, maybe because I was so angry at my body for deceiving me. I thought my baby had fingers and toes, and it had never even turned into an embryo from a little ball of cells...

Even though it's a crappy place to be, at least we're all in this together... It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way


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## patronus (Dec 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *diana_of_the_dunes* 
Even though I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those people, I was already rubbing or touching my belly quite a bit. I'd talk to my little baby, too. That habit disappeared instantly, though, maybe because I was so angry at my body for deceiving me. I thought my baby had fingers and toes, and it had never even turned into an embryo from a little ball of cells...

Even though it's a crappy place to be, at least we're all in this together... It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way









i was really angry at my body too. i felt like it was stupid for not knowing that the baby stopped developing for almost 3 weeks and i still felt so pregnant.
i also felt deceived that all the developments i thought the embryo was making in the last couple of weeks never happened. my husband and i talked a lot about "what the baby was doing" and it was a nice way for us to bond over the pregnancy. it sucks.

on friday it will be 2 weeks since my d&c and i'm really feeling like i have my old body back (but a little better because i've dropped to below what i weighed when i got pregnant). it's weird waiting for af and not knowing when i'll get it though. i've been tracking my cycles for the last 8 months and have known exactly when i would get my period or ovulate. i'm hoping i'll get af soon, i'm looking forward to getting on this crazy roller coaster again.


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