# its my turn.... I screamed at my baby today



## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

:

He is 13 months old. SO sweet. I love him so much. I hate hate hate that I scared him. I want to go back and do it over again. I am so sorry my sweet sweet baby boy. Mama is so sorry.

I was making lunch for all of my daycare kids. I am sick, I am cramping, I am bleeding heavily, I am tired.... I know. Its all about me, isn't it?

My baby was tired. He wanted me to pick him up. I wanted to get lunch done so everyone could eat. He was pushing me away from the counter so I oculd pick him up. He was crying, "Uppa, mama, uppa mama..." I was saying, "Just a minute Simon, just a minute. Simon, stop crying. Mama is making lunch. SImon, just a minute. Simon please don't push mama........

"SIMON!!!!!"

and of course he broke down. Huge tears. I scooped him up and hugged him and he held on to me for dear life. I wispered in his ear, "I am so sorry baby. I am sorry. I am so sorry I scared you. Of course I should have picked you up. I am so sorry. I love you so much...."

We sat down do nurse and he just gazed into my eyes, his head cradled in my crooked elbow, one hand resting on my breast, feet just twiddling.... he forgave me, but I know I have scarred him.

Why do I expect him to be able to do things he can't do yet? WHy do I think he can wait for me to pick him up? Why do I tell him no, no, no, no.....when all he needs is ME?


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

we all have our moments, it happens. He knows you love him, be kind to yourself


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## wahoowhippets (Dec 17, 2005)

It'll be ok momma, forgive yourself (I know it is hard to). My 18 month old does the same thing when I am doing stuff in the kitchen and CLINGS to my legs and I can't move sometimes! It is frustrating sometimes. Have you tried a back carrier for "needy" times like an Ergo? I have one and it saves my sanity! Hope the rest of your day goes better!


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## calidarling (Jul 14, 2006)

I second the ergo....it has saved my life and sanity.


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## ber (Apr 5, 2005)

your post made me cry. I had a rough moment yesterday.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Aww mama, it's so hard when that happens. You know what? He saw that no matter what, you love him. That you may lose your cool sometimes, but you always love him. And you taught him a good way to say sorry. He isn't scarred for life. All the wonderful mothering you've provided thus far will totally outwieght this one moment of weakness.

I also totally second the ergo idea.


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

Isn't the very premise of AP that when children feel secure and loved, they are more resilient, more secure? If your otherwise AP'd child could be SCARRED by one moment of saying his name in a loud voice...well, let's just say I really doubt he's scarred. We all lose our temper. If that's the worst you've done, good for you!


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## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

Its OK moma!! We all do it and as long as we try to avoid it as much as possible, what more can we do? I'm sure he's not scarred. If anything he has learned that we all make mistakes and when we do we ask for forgiveness and move on! Try not to be so hard on yourself! I'm sure you are doing wonderfully!


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## coldfeet (Jun 2, 2006)

Awww... mama.









Please don't be so hard on yourself. We've all had those kind of moments. He knows you love him.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

BTDT. Live and learn!


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

My Penelope Leach book says that clinginess is just an evolutionary trait to keep toddlers from getting lost. If they see their parents moving around, they follow them very closely and want to be picked up. Dunno if that makes you feel any better.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

It will be okay. You are a good mama!

When my son was about 8 months old, he was being very annoying when I was very busy and tired and not feeling well, similar to your situation, and I finally shrieked, "AAARRGGHHH!!! STOP IT!!!"...and he _laughed_. He gave me a very puzzled look and laughed in the nervous sort of way that an adult might laugh at a crazy person staggering down the street hollering about killer dandelions, the laugh that means, "Well, uh, this is unusual and kind of disturbing, but it probably won't hurt me, uh, right?" That simultaneously put me in my place ("Whoa, I lost it there; time to regroup!") and made me feel better because it showed that to him yelling was a very strange behavior, which meant that overall I was doing a pretty good job of raising him gently.


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)




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## josephine_e (May 27, 2006)

! i SO relate to this post! nothing pushes my buttons like pulling/pushing on me while screaming. it brings up a rage in me that i just can't explain. you're not alone, and you're obviously a great momma! also, i agree with pp that this just shows him that you're consistent, even though you're human. it's good for him to realize that mommy gets sad/angry/happy/excited/distracted -- just like him! this way you can model how to act after the fact, kwim? not to say it wouldn't be good for you all if those situations were avoided, but that isn't always the way things work.

you did a great job. and next time, maybe you can take a breath and do something differently. i completely second sticking him on your back. this saves me and ds from killing each other all the time!


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## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

I've been there more than once. One of the biggest lessons I've learned from being a parent is how to forgive myself. We all get frustrated. We all lose it sometimes.


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