# If You Lay With Your Child Until They Fall Asleep



## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

how do you keep from going crazy?!

Ds is taking sooooooo long to fall asleep since I stopped nursing him to sleep (45 minutes - 2 hours). He's all over the place on the bed but doesn't want us to leave the room either.

So I'm curious what others do who are in a similar place (I know I'm not alone). How do you keep from getting totally aggravated? Do you keep a low light on or stay in the dark? How do you keep from being bored?


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

I got a lot of books read while waiting for my kids to fall asleep. Dh would bring his laptop and work. We didn't lie in bed with them, but rather on the floor next to their beds. So, I kept a low light (usually reading with light from the hall), but you could easily use a booklight too.

I did get aggravated at times. I did the best when my attitude was "this is a good time for me to relax and read a book I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to read".


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## AKA_PI (Oct 16, 2007)

My son is two and doing the same thing. I've tried reading books and everything else. Nothing seems to work. I just let him toss and turn and he eventually goes to sleep. I think I just need to wear him out more during the early evening so that when bedtime comes, he will pass out.


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## mamandedeux (Jan 15, 2010)

I just fall asleep and get DH to wake me up when DS1 and DS2 are asleep! I get back up for a few hours with DH then snuggle back to bed. We cosleep.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

We have a fairly bright nightlight but mostly the room is dark. We don't talk or interact at all once stories are read and goodnights are said. NPR saved my life, if that's not too stimulating for your LO; otherwise, I recommend listening to podcasts or music on your ipod; reading books; or surfing the web on my phone 

FTR, our bedtime struggles (it used to take ds sometimes 2 hours to fall asleep!) pretty much ended once we stopped his daytime naps. If you can make it through the late-day rough patches, bedtime is a breeze


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

iPhone.

Or a book with a book light, if that's not too distracting.


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## lkmiscnet (Jan 12, 2009)

I feel your "pain" and actually have the same issue posted a few titles down...

How is the night lighting in your room?

I removed the night light I used to have in our room a few months ago, and that made a dramatic difference since he couldn't see in the dark to play, though lately, he would still babble and feel his way around in the dark once his eyes got adjusted (alarm clock puts out some ambiant light, but I need it). He is also a heat seeking biter lately, with a couple new teeth coming in and can't wait to sink his teeth into any part of my available skin, so that takes up some of his time.

Also, I just spent the past month nightweaning, and DH would take over co-sleeping duties as soon as DS was done nursing (I would leave the room) and he was able to get DS to sleep in 10-15 min. My jaw would drop watching it on the baby monitor!

Naptime during the day has continued to be a struggle since the room is not dark enough even with room darkening shades. I spent 90 min both yesterday and today in bed with DS and finally gave up on his nap since it got too late in the day. On the upside, he fell asleep in 10 min last night and in about 5 min tonight. But, I still feel that he needs to nap during the day, so the issue remains about how to get him to fall asleep. At least DH is here on the weekends to takeover naps since he has the midas touch. I just have to worry about 5 days of the week.

I might try getting him back in the crib (suggested by other posters) that has been used as a repository for our clothes so far. I think I'll try taking off the side rail, but now that he's a toddler, I have to have it at the lowest setting, which makes for a big gap with our bed and his crib mattress, so not sure what to do for that.

Best of luck. I know how you feel...


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LynnS6*
> 
> I got a lot of books read while waiting for my kids to fall asleep. Dh would bring his laptop and work. We didn't lie in bed with them, but rather on the floor next to their beds. So, I kept a low light (usually reading with light from the hall), but you could easily use a booklight too.
> 
> I did get aggravated at times. I did the best when my attitude was "this is a good time for me to relax and read a book I wouldn't otherwise get a chance to read".


This. Or I knit. Or silently seethed and counted the days until they didn't need me anymore. And it eventually ended. DD is 4-1/2, DS is almost 7 and both go to bed on their own, and stay in bed all night (most nights; some nights we wake up with a kid in between us, but we don't even know when they came in so it's no big whoop to us.







)


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## erinleee (Jan 18, 2010)

what about a later bedtime?


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I have a time limit on how long I will lay with them. Then I say I have to go pee, or check with Daddy about something, and will be back up in 5 minutes. Usually this does the trick and DS (3) is asleep by then. Worked with DD as well, when she was that age. Eventually though, DD would look at books by herself or listen to music through little speakers. We moved to "if you want music/books, Mama is going to go downstairs. I will come check on you every xx minutes though. If you want me to sit with you, it has to be dark and quiet." Then I'd leave, she'd be thrilled to get books or music to herself and feel grown up.

She reads with us at bedtime now, and then she's set for 10 hours between the putting herself to bed and the getting up and dressed independently (6 yo). For a bit she'd call me back an hour later to sit with her while she actually fell asleep, but that lasted only a month or so IIRC. When I do sit in the dark, I took the laptop or I knitted. It was hard not to fall asleep myself though.


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

If it takes longer than 10-15 minutes then it's not working. Either I'm distracting them, they're not tired, they're trying to keep themselves awake. Every scenario has a different solution (for one - dropping the nap, another - getting them to fall asleep alone, another - getting strict about settling down). But basically I never lay there for a long period of time. I'd go through the roof with frustration if I had to. I can't lie there if I'm the one falling asleep. Not to mind if it's someone else!


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I read on my iphone (or play angry birds ) I just turn the brightness of the screen down real low. My youngest is almost 4, but he sleeps with us about half the time and loves to fall asleep on my tummy.


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

Mostly I'm on the internet with my netbook, that way I can keep the lights off and he'll go to sleep quicker. Sometimes I read, but I need to keep the bedside light on for that and then he takes longer to fall asleep. It's just the 2 of us here though so I don't mind hanging out in the bed reading or on the internet, I've got nothing else to do anyway! If we are visiting family or friends then he just stays up late until he's ready to nurse to sleep (usually after 11pm before he's tired enough). He would definitely go to sleep quicker if we skipped the nap, but he gets so tired during the day and actually nurses to sleep in minutes for his nap, I just wish bedtime were that easy!


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EviesMom*
> 
> I have a time limit on how long I will lay with them. Then I say I have to go pee, or check with Daddy about something, and will be back up in 5 minutes. Usually this does the trick and DS (3) is asleep by then. Worked with DD as well, when she was that age. Eventually though, DD would look at books by herself or listen to music through little speakers. We moved to "if you want music/books, Mama is going to go downstairs. I will come check on you every xx minutes though. If you want me to sit with you, it has to be dark and quiet." Then I'd leave, she'd be thrilled to get books or music to herself and feel grown up.


I've so tried this but the second I try to get off the bed he screams. He screams if I sit beside the bed, go do laundry, go downstairs.

I love the idea of saying I'll stay for so many minutes & if he's not falling asleep than he's not ready but it doesn't seem to matter what time I bring him up it's taking 2+ hours. Last night it was 1:30!!!


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> I've so tried this but the second I try to get off the bed he screams. He screams if I sit beside the bed, go do laundry, go downstairs.


DD would freak out, too but I just knew it was what she needed (to fall asleep alone). I lay with my son for a good year longer than I did with her. He loved to snuggle and rest. She's a talker/headstander. I just told her I was going to read a book to her brother and would be back at the end of it. I would get halfway through the book and I'd hear her go from yelling to singing. She was totally fine. She was just screaming to hear her own voice, or something.


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## Halfasianmomma (Nov 1, 2007)

I posted about the same thing a while ago, and still haven't found the solution to my problem.

What really worked, when I was working it, was telling DD WAY in advance that there would be some changes to how we went to bed. She really caught onto that, and when I would try to lie next to her, she told me to go sit at the foot of her bed. Then the holidays came, we all got stomach flu, and it all went to crap.

Starting over next week.

I think giving advance warning and discussing it casually before the actual event might help things. You could then work on gradually getting farther and father away from the bed, until you're out of the room. (says the person who hasn't actually managed to do it yet!).

Good luck!


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

The "I'll be back in 2 minutes" or, 'I'm going to swap out the laundry" didn't work with DS until he was nearly 4. At that point he was only taking 10 min to fall asleep so it wasn't a big deal, but we wanted to get over that last hump and that's when it finally worked well enough to make it worth doing. DD was just over 3 when it started working for her.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Ok - I'm glad I'm not the only one the "back in 2" thing isn't working for. I've tried leaving him to see if he will settle but he just screams the whole time (not really crying - screaming).

I have tried talking to him through the day about bedtime but I think he is still a little bit too young to be totally getting what I'm planning 'cause come bedtime it's the same.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I'm pretty sure DD was 3.5 when I started saying I needed to go pee or whatever (I was pg with DS, so it was often very true!). DS does okay with it generally, but they share a room so he's not alone when I duck out for a minute. And I guess he sees me do it with DD so it's familiar.


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## Surfer Rosa (Jun 3, 2005)

The "I'll be back in two minutes" doesn't work with my kids either : boooo.

I read on my iPhone-it's pretty much the only time I get to read the news....or I fall asleep and DH comes and gets me. It took a couple of months after I stopped nursing them to sleep that they started falling asleep 10-15 minutes after stories, instead of one or more hours.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

My DD was great with routine. So, at that age, I would put her to bed, turn down the lights, and put on a soft, instrumental cd on a low volume. Harp, acoustic guitar, lullabye music basically. I would lay next to her and just use it as relaxy time for me, and when the cd was over I would leave. The cd was probably 30-40 minutes long, so I think she felt like she was getting plenty of time, she was relaxing in the dark, and by then I had just accepted that I would be laying with her for a period of time.

Accepting it helps! Listening to music helped me, because I just find it way more pleasurable than lying in the dark knowing I can't fall asleep yet.


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## ReginaPhalange (Dec 26, 2010)

No naps during the day, never ever period.

I take a book light and read/study for about 20 minutes while he settles in, then after that I sit with my eyes closed and ignore him. He gets the hint and falls asleep pretty quickly after that.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

I will also mention that my kids stopped napping at 26 and 28 months. I mean, they could have kept on naping around 3pm every day, but then they'd be awake until 11pm and then awake again at 6am because htey always woke at 6am no matter what time they fell asleep at night - believe me, we tried lots of different configurations....and skipping naps and dealing iwth crankiness for a couple hours at the end of the night and getting 12 hours total sleep time per day was WAY better than the the 9-10-hour alternative with a nap inserted. When it started taking longer for them to fall asleep than they slept during daytime naps, daytime naps were done and nighttime sleep got so much easier.


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

We're in the same pickle jar, and I'm afraid I don't have any good advice to add.

DH does it best with his iPod. Just lies there and listens until DS falls asleep.

I don't have an iPod, and when I lie next to DS, he starts to flop around. DH tells me to tell him to lie still, but he can lie still for only 30 seconds or so.

"I'm not tired," is his latest refrain. I thought 11:30pm last night was late, but upthread, there's a LO who went to 1am.

Can't withdraw nap - he naps at daycare.

Leaving the room for a few minutes; he's still awake when I return. He usually remains quiet, because we tell him we will shut his door if he makes noise or gets off the bed. But he can stay awake for...hours?

Our routine was shot to heck when we had family visit for 3 weeks over the holidays, and DS is naturally a night owl, so he stayed up later and was also not napping because he wasn't going to daycare as regularly. It's been a week, and we're still not back into the nighttime routine. I mean, we DO the routine - bath, lotion & PJs, teeth, stories - but the sleep does not come.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

It occurs to me something that helped our kids when they "couldn't sleep". We told them, "You don't have to sleep. All you have to do is lay there with your eyes closed and your body still and your body will do the rest." I guess they both felt like there was something they had to *do* to fall asleep.


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## Lenisa (Jan 13, 2011)

With my first child, he slept with me until he started preschool. We lived in a small one bedroom apt so it was just a matter of space. Then as school time aproached, I began talking to him about being a big boy and big boys GET TO ( not have to) sleep in their very own beds...Isn't that EXCITING!!! The more he saw my excitement over it the more he became excited and by the time we moved to a bigger place, he was ready and more than willing to sleep in a bed that he help mommy and daddy pick out with sheets he chose for himself...We also had a small table lamp with a 15 volt bulb in it, set up beside his bed...The only time we had trouble was when it stormed outside which didn't happen all that much...By the time preschool came around, I can count on one hand the number of times he had trouble...

With my second child...I NEVER GOT IT STARTED IN THE FIRST PLACE...LOL !!!!


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I found it so much worse when ds was nursing to lie with him while he would fall asleep, because I had to be lying in one position nursing him. Now that he isn't nursing at least I can move around and get comfortable. Dh and I use it as a time to lie quietly or fall asleep ourselves.


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## SaRaiMelting (Dec 17, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *The4OfUs*
> 
> It occurs to me something that helped our kids when they "couldn't sleep". We told them, "You don't have to sleep. All you have to do is lay there with your eyes closed and your body still and your body will do the rest." I guess they both felt like there was something they had to *do* to fall asleep.


this is great advice. Has anyone ever tried Children's Guided Meditation? I don't have any little ones but I'm the type that has a hard time falling asleep at night ever since i was a little kid. Its not until I think " Okay, I WILL fall asleep eventually. So Just close my eyes and breathe deep." I didn't figure this out until recently. lol.

But what also works EVERY TIME is listening to a soothing guided meditation or hypnosis. If I'm laying in bed and listening to something that's guiding me to that dream state i zonk out, Im sure it would work wonders for a child that cant get to sleep at night. I have this awesome Brainwaves Journey for kids and its so magical and soothing, and its very positive.


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## milkybean (Mar 19, 2008)

DS has always liked someone to be with him as he falls asleep. He's 6 now, and finally has his own bed in his room, and is doing really well. One of the last 4 nights, he slept all alone (except for actually getting to sleep)! That's pretty good, but he was also really excited (and nervous) about having his OWN bed. 

Anyway, for getting-to-sleep purposes, I've always left a low light on and I read. I've also used the same very simple song since he was 2, and I can modify it even while reading and not concentrating on the song because I've sung it for so long.

I think the very worst times for getting to sleep was when he was coming up on 2 and just beyond, and was getting ready to be done with diapers, but I didn't realize it yet. He'd wake and squirm, I'd nurse him to sleep thinking that is what was needed, then just as I got back into deep sleep, he'd flood his diaper. Then that would take an hour to get back to sleep. Once I realized that he just needed to pee, I got the little potty out, set him on that when he'd squirm, he'd pee, I'd pull the dipe back up, and he would go right back to sleep. Sleep problems, before I figured this out, went all night because I was mis-reading him so much.

But other than that period of time, reading as he dozes off, even when it took a good while, has been just fine. And soon enough he'll be going to bed by himself, I'm confident of it. And I'll be sad then, so I'll be happy now.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *SaRaiMelting*
> 
> this is great advice. Has anyone ever tried Children's Guided Meditation?


 I have a kid meditation CD and a couple iTunes tracks that I was hoping DS would use as he has some anxiety/poerfection issues, but he flatly refuses to listen to them. DD doesn't really need them, so I haven't offered them to her. She likes a couple of the anger management ones, but not the relaxation ones. Excellent idea, though.


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## Summer1216 (Aug 18, 2010)

My son is 6mo, and hates to sleep without me.

My Mp3 and audio books have been a lifesaver! I'm also getting a Kindle. Lots of time for reading and listening to books/music.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


So I see that your ds is a toddler, but I don't know exactly how old. Is he screaming b/c he's scared/frantic or is he screaming b/c he wants you to COME BACK NOW? If its the latter, you might want to try talking to him about bedtime throughout the day, what you're going to do, and how, and then doing it.

You could also trying gradually removing yourself from the room. You've been laying with him, maybe now its time to start sitting in a chair next to the bed and see if that helps. If I lay down next to my ds, he will.not.sleep.FOREVER - it drives me bonkers. I sit in the rocking chair that is near his bed, and it's been working very well. Next, I'll move a chair to right outside the bedroom, and sit there until he's sleeping. Then I'll do dishes (literally 5-6 feet from the bedroom door). If he's throwing a tantrum, and you keep indulging him, he'll learn that you will do whatever it takes to keep him from crying.


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## mommariffic (Mar 18, 2009)

It takes my youngest son (6 months) like 10 seconds to fall asleep with some feeding, snuggling and whatever else...he wakes up MULTIPLE (and I can't stress this enough at the moment, ha!) times a night lately so when he falls asleep, I don't really count it until he does a large chunk.

My DD can take anywhere from 5 - 15 minutes. 20 if DH riles her up before bed and she needs time to come down from that. We have a routine most nights of bath or shower, oils, one book while I get DS feed and than we lay together snuggling. Lately she's wanted DH, but she normally has a bottle of lemon water and away she goes.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

super single mama - ds is 26 months. He is not normally screaming in an upset I'm scared/hurt/emotional way but a I don't like this way - but it's still beyond tantruming & he can carry it on literally for hours (I am embarassed to admit we've tried just seeing what would happen). Ideally I would like to gradually move out of his room but we're not quite there yet - afterall I did just stop nursing him to sleep 2 weeks ago.

Thanks for so many responses - it's been really helpful.

The4ofus - thanks for the point about it taking as long to fall asleep as his nap is. This was somewhat of a lightbulb moment for me when I read your post. Today we did not allow him to nap & for the first time in over 2 weeks he's fallen asleep in less than 30 minutes (unfortunately he cried way more emotionally than he has all along due to be so overtired for 20 of that) AND at a more normal time. I am hopeful that a few more days of no napping & we may not only be back on a more normal schedule but also have him falling asleep a bit faster consistently.

The bonus of get ridding of naps is that I won't have to deal with how to wean him off falling asleep by nursing for naps!


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Oh, I also reintroduced a calming cd of music while he was falling asleep. I'm not sure it helped but I am hopeful playing it each night will help his mind make a connection with it & sleep.


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## Nova0929 (Jan 13, 2009)

I just read the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers." Awesome ideas in there, I definitely recommend it!!! We are solving the same problem you are having thru her methods.


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## onyxravnos (Dec 30, 2006)

Same boat. Nursing to sleep 30-45min max. ... Now ? Hour-2 1/2hrs geerrr
I also read on my itouch or like right now (1hour and counting) talk with you ladies


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## Bisou (Dec 11, 2006)

I didn't read the responses, just the OP, so I apologize if I am repeating things, but this is what I've done and have found to be very effective!

We have a set bedtime routine and stick to the same bedtime every day (as much as possible anyway). After we brush teeth and go potty, we get in bed and read books, usually about 3-4, though sometimes I read more if he seems extra energetic. Once I am done reading with him, I turn off the light, snuggle for a minute, say goodnight, then turn over and *pretend to go to sleep*! For me, that's been the key.

It sounds like it works for other mamas, but if I sat there and read or did something, he would not sleep. He'd be too interested in what I was doing, and he's also always had this sense of it being unfair that he has to go to sleep while I get to stay up. LOL. He thinks I am asleep too, nothing interesting is going on, so with a few rare exceptions here and there, the whole bedtime routine from books to sleep usually only takes 30 minutes. Most times he's asleep within 5-10 minutes of turning the lights out.

Once he's asleep, I sneak out of bed and do what I need to do. Of course sometimes I fall asleep, and those nights I just figure I really needed the sleep!

Good luck! )


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## onyxravnos (Dec 30, 2006)

okay so the pretend to go to sleep trick works very well (used that before i got my itouch)... it easily shaved off at least 20 minutes of the bed time nightmare problem was i fell asleep. every.single.night. then would wake up and go hand out with DH but be wide freaking awake until 1 or 2 am because of my little 'nap'


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> The4ofus - thanks for the point about it taking as long to fall asleep as his nap is. This was somewhat of a lightbulb moment for me when I read your post. Today we did not allow him to nap & for the first time in over 2 weeks he's fallen asleep in less than 30 minutes (unfortunately he cried way more emotionally than he has all along due to be so overtired for 20 of that) AND at a more normal time. I am hopeful that a few more days of no napping & we may not only be back on a more normal schedule but also have him falling asleep a bit faster consistently.
> 
> The bonus of get ridding of naps is that I won't have to deal with how to wean him off falling asleep by nursing for naps!


Yeah, people would look at me like I was crazy when I'd tell them my under 3-yo didn't nap anymore, but when they were down at 6:45pm and they slept until 6:00am, that was pretty freeking AWESOME (I mean, they would wake and we'd have to tend to them but they'd go right back down most of the time). I dealt with the witching hours by just girding my loins and expecting them to be crazy and then it didn't bother me as much. We would have to change things around like they took baths during daytime hours, and we ate dinner earlier so they could be in bed so early when they were at those ages, and we didn't go out anywhere in the evenings to mess with bedtime (and that's a rule that has only recently been relaxed, and they're 4-1/2 and almost 7 - they now just *finally* sleep in a bit if they're up a bit later), but it was honestly the kindest thing for everyone involved and yielded the most net sleep for everyone. Not having to be home in the early afternoons freed up some social/errand time, too. AND I had my nights as 'me time' (even though I worked, it was still relaxing since there was no kid hanging on me) since they were out. My goal was always the most net sleep per 24-hour period, however we got it. If it meant no going out to dinner/playgroups/parties/traveling after 5pm for a couple years, then that's what it meant. My kids always woke early (usually between 5:45 and 6:15am) no matter when you put them to bed so we always had to plan sleep routines backwards from that wakeup which was constant. They just didn't get the concept of sleeping in. And didn't fall asleep somewhere and then be picked up and transfer well. Sleep was always pretty tenuous for us so we probably seemed pretty rigid but they were so high energy and crazy to begin with, adding sleep deprivation on top of that would have been more than I coudl handle...so I was always pretty strict about bedtime when they were little. This past year they both started sleeping until 7am regularly, and will sleep in if we let them stay up until 9 to watch a special show or play a game or something...and it's delightful to be able to relax a little about it. They've always both been on the low end of the sleep need scale, and are now both getting as much (if not more) sleep than they were a 2 years ago.

I still chuckle when I hear of like, 5 year olds taking naps, and then falling asleep for bedtime by 9pm, and can't fathom what that even looks like. Not that there's anything wrong with it at all and if it works for the kid and family that's totally cool and I'm even jealous to be honest; it's just such a foreign concept to me it makes me giggle. I apparently stopped napping the month before I turned 2, so I guess it's genetic. I LOVE naps now, so I am dreaming of the day when the kids are teenagers and we all just sleep in until noon on a Saturday.

Hope that the transition goes smoothly for you! You might find an every other day or every 3rd day nap might work well, too.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> super single mama - ds is 26 months. He is not normally screaming in an upset I'm scared/hurt/emotional way but a I don't like this way - but it's still beyond tantruming & he can carry it on literally for hours (I am embarassed to admit we've tried just seeing what would happen). Ideally I would like to gradually move out of his room but we're not quite there yet - afterall I did just stop nursing him to sleep 2 weeks ago.


That makes perfect sense. I'm thinking though that if you stopped nursing to sleep (regardless of if it was your choice or his), you laying next to him may be more distracting than helpful. He may very well get mad if you sit right next to the bed, but you'll be right there and can comfort him. Tell him you aren't leaving, that you're right here, he's ok - the first few nights it might be tough, but he will adjust to that and you not being in bed with him may make it easier for him to fall asleep - he just may not know it yet.

ETA - you could also try sitting ON the bed, that way you are actually on the bed, but not laying down either.

I saw that you had success last night (the night before maybe? not sure, my days are mixed up), and getting rid of the nap might make things TONS easier - we haven't done that, but we have shortened ds's naps significantly which has made him happier, and me happier!


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## elisa113 (Jan 15, 2011)

I am so glad I came across this post. My son is two, I stopped breastfeeding a little over a month ago, and he still has to be touching me to fall asleep. It still takes about an hour to get him to sleep. I sit on the floor, half my body draped across his little toddler bed snuggling him until my back and legs can't handle it anymore. I am starting to try just sitting next to him with one arm one him, but I constantly have to stop him from crawling out of bed and onto me. *sigh* I'm sure at some point it will get easier. At daycare he falls asleep by himself no problem!


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## Subhuti (Feb 18, 2005)

When I was given an iPod, I can't tell you what a difference it made to this laying with child hour. I download free fantastic audiobooks from my library (right now am listening to Black Swan Green) and free mp3 lectures by Hh dalai lama ... This enforced leisure time with the lights off is a daily treasure for me.

Btw, I tried reading with a headlamp ... Made the kids very restless. I would avoid any artificial light beyond a nightlight. Even an iPad screen glow keeps my kids awake.


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## desertsunrise78 (Sep 1, 2010)

I coslept with my ds until he was about 6. And most of the time he needed me to stay with him until he fell asleep. Sometimes it was frustrating & I ended up not doing other things I needed to like dishes & laundry, etc. But at the same time I usually fell asleep with him and got the rest that I so desperately needed! I also reminded myself that it would not last forever and it was precious time with my child that I should be thankful for. There is nothing as sweet as having your little boy rub your back and sing to you while he tries to go to sleep!







I'm remarried now & we are expecting our first baby in May. Ds is now 7 & he now goes to sleep on his own after reading to himself for about 30 minutes. Sometimes he asks me to stay and cuddle with him & I do.


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## To-Fu (May 23, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *XanaduMama*
> 
> We have a fairly bright nightlight but mostly the room is dark. We don't talk or interact at all once stories are read and goodnights are said. NPR saved my life, if that's not too stimulating for your LO; otherwise, I recommend listening to podcasts or music on your ipod; reading books; or surfing the web on my phone
> 
> *FTR, our bedtime struggles (it used to take ds sometimes 2 hours to fall asleep!) pretty much ended once we stopped his daytime naps. If you can make it through the late-day rough patches, bedtime is a breeze *


This was SO true for us, but I still nurse my 3yo to sleep. Now it just takes 10 minutes instead of 1-3 hours. Thank Rod!

I am really thinking about weaning and would love to help him learn to fall asleep alone or at least without the boob. He doesn't want to be alone, though, and I try to respect that. I just wish I could leave him with some soothing music, a nightlight, and a couple books and let him naturally and contentedly fall asleep.

Yeah, right.


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## MrsBone (Apr 20, 2004)

I have to lay with DS, age 2 for an hour plus. I'm getting very tired of it and I'm due with #2 in May so I'm probably going to try the baby gate on the door. Not only does he take an hour to put to sleep, he screams, kicks and fights the whole time. I just don't have the energy for that. DH is gone for bedtime most nights, so having him take over one of the kids betimes isn't going to be an option.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

When DS turned two, we cut his nap. That solved the problem pretty much entirely. Yes, he's tired in the evening, but at least I'm not tired and frustrated. He was going to bed at around midnight even if he had a nap from 1pm-2pm..... And that would be after a 3 hour wrestling match.


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## provocativa (Jan 17, 2005)

I am a child-led weaning and biological nursing mama, so it seems to me that some of these issues are from early weaning. My kids tend to start going to sleep on their own many nights, instead of nursing, in the 3.5 to 4 year old range. A lot of us have to wean before then, for our sanity or jobs or health reasons, but that doesn't change that our children still have those needs. I also am a medical research junkie, so I tend to see biological bases for behavior. Like- melatonin production and cycle needs early morning sunlight, and adequate vitamins A, B6, D3, and magnesium, which for most Americans if we're not supplementing we're not getting enough. Even if we eat a sensible diet, our food is grown on inadequate soils, and the chemical stresses of postmodern life require extra nutrients to fuel our overworked, constantly detoxing livers. There is also an issue about blue light and melatonin- we make less in periods of more blue light (summertime). So that makes me wonder about the greater blue spectrum of CFL bulbs and their effect on our little ones. Another way to manipulate the melatonin cycle is to start dimming the lights at 6pm- we don't just bam! start making melatonin at bedtime. Electricity has destroyed our circadian rhythms, which is no surprise to anyone here I'm sure.


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## AKfamily (Jan 6, 2007)

audiobooks on an iPod have saved our sanity


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## vasjakordi (Jan 17, 2011)

Until recently I was listening to audio-books (when not required to "storytell")-it gave me a great slice of guilt-free reading time. Suddenly my sandwich-son moved his pattern and now goes to bed at the same time with the little one -and ultimately needs reading aloud "his book". I was frustrated and sure to have tantrums every night. But to my astonishment little one took the change into consideration and does not mind not only light and reading, but even my sitting upright (not to fall a sleep).

While I was not sleepy at all in total darkness with audio-book in my ear now I am react to reading aloud as it was a sleep-potion.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

elisa - ds was doing a lot of moving & jiving & playing. Now I simply say "you need to lie still if you want mommy to stay". I only had to get out of the bed & leave the room (for about a minute) twice & he now settles as soon as I say something. In fact the last couple nights he hasn't even tried to get up. Really makes it less frustrating, plus I think he falls asleep faster when he's not keeping himself awake with all the moving.

provocativa - I would love to continue nursing for as long as ds likes but we are ttc#2 with infertility issues. To take our ttc to the next level I have to take a medication that is not compatible with bfing. I know many would say then we should wait longer but I'm not young & we want several children, plus ds & #2 are already going to be further apart in age than I would like.

We cut out the naps & bedtime is going much better but the poor little guy is so tired all afternoon/evening. He has little meltdowns all the time & if we are in the car for more than 3 minutes he's asleep. Hopefully we'll all adjust soon.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I've had to lie with both of my children, even after they stopped nursing. My younger daughter is 7 years old, and I still have to lie with her at times, if her sister doesn't want to sleep with her. The two of them sleeping together was working pretty well for a few years, but last fall my husband thought our older daughter should try sleeping in her own room, and it's been much crying at night for the 7 year old who wants me to lie with her, but who will wake up as soon as I get off the bed. And sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and needs me to put her back to bed, even when she was sleeping in the same bed as her sister. If she is sleeping alone, she wants me to sleep with her.

I generally listen to Jim Weiss stories on the iPod with her, or I read a book, or sometimes I take a little nap in her bed at 9 or 10, and then get up and do more stuff later. But often I tell her I'm not lying with her, and I leave her door open and she's been kind of OK with that.


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## Twesi (Jan 18, 2011)

Hi all, my son is almost 23 months. Well, bedtime for us is a routine. So firstly I wind down. If he has not yet had a bath or he's covered from head to toes with some mess he gets a warm bath or if the time is too cold and he's not messy I wipe him down with warm water. I then use bedtime lotion, change into PJ's, he drinks 8oz warm formula, I turn off lights and turn on a touch lamp(so I can adjust the brightness of the light) or use the light from the corridor and leave the bedroom door cracked open a little, I then turn on bedtime music (usually it's a little routine - Shushy-Bye Baby then Harry the Bunny singing Twinkle Twinkle little stars - he usually sings along or we sing along together then say "good night", say prayers when I remember then 'Nightime programs for babies' - usually some classical music). I then say "sleepy time" which he repeats and he rolls around a little till he finds a comfortable spot and falls asleep. Usually he falls asleep after maybe 15 to twenty minutes. If he's not asleep or for some reason I have to deviate form the usual musical routine I just play some soft classical music. When it starts to play he usually complains a little because he knows it's bedtime, but eventually he falls asleep.

I suggest getting into a special routine and trying for several weeks before deciding it doesn't work. I find soft music works veeeery well. My son has been doing this since he was just a few months old so it's ingrained. I also try to make sleepy time uninterrupted, distractions usually mean he doesn't fall asleep. It's usually the odd occasion that he doesn't fall asleep. The culprits are usually hunger (solved by about 8oz warm formula) or if he had an afternoon into evening nap and also people walking in and out of the room.

Hope this helps.


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## differentfamily (Jan 5, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


feel your pain. My son is almost three and half the time it's an hour or more before he's asleep. Chatting, sometimes punching me, hopping around on the bed, playing with his stuffed toys, recalling a story he likes, sometimes calling (screaming) for mama (we are a 2 mom household). If I leave before he's completely asleep, he screams. If I am not there when he wakes up, he screams. nights are rough, but I'm sure this too shall pass....right? cutting the nap right now is not feasible. My partner would never survive that.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lifeguard*
> 
> We cut out the naps & bedtime is going much better but the poor little guy is so tired all afternoon/evening. He has little meltdowns all the time & if we are in the car for more than 3 minutes he's asleep. Hopefully we'll all adjust soon.


Can you do a brief, like, 30min nap? I wake my ds up now after 30min, and he's .cranky for a few minutes, but then he brightens right up and is happy the rest of the day - and bedtime is still ok


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## mommybaker (Jan 18, 2011)

I'll be back works for me, but I have to have a good excuse... like going to the bathroom, checking the phone or getting the dog. Then I leave the door open and go back and forth until she falls asleep!


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## youngspiritmom (Mar 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Gillian28*
> 
> Mostly I'm on the internet with my netbook, that way I can keep the lights off and he'll go to sleep quicker. Sometimes I read, but I need to keep the bedside light on for that and then he takes longer to fall asleep. It's just the 2 of us here though so I don't mind hanging out in the bed reading or on the internet, I've got nothing else to do anyway! If we are visiting family or friends then he just stays up late until he's ready to nurse to sleep (usually after 11pm before he's tired enough). He would definitely go to sleep quicker if we skipped the nap, but he gets so tired during the day and actually nurses to sleep in minutes for his nap, I just wish bedtime were that easy!


My little guy is about the same age as yours (saw it in your sig) and its the same deal for me. He nurses to sleep in about 2 minutes at nap time, but it takes wayyyy longer at bedtime. Why is that??


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## MamaOnTheGo (Mar 11, 2010)

I just went through the same problem! So glad I'm not alone. We've been not BF'ing to sleep for about two months, and I would have totally thrown in the towel, except that DD is starting day care soon and I don't want her to be totally freaked when nap time comes and she doesn't have booby.

What I've found to be the biggest issue though is the TIMING of her sleep. If I get her when she's not tired enough, takes years. If I get her when she's overtired, takes years. What I did was started nursing to sleep again to create a consistent schedule/figure out what her her natural schedule should be, and then made SURE we started nap time the minute I saw sleepy signs (getting still/laying on the floor, asking to nurse, yawning/eye-rubbing are hers). After I got a pretty good idea of when she should be sleepy (it took about a week), I gave her some camomilia homeopathic tablets before nap time to help her relax, and it's cut time from an hour+ to about 20 minutes. Still kind of a pain, but waaaaaay better than the hours it was before! I also ditto the previous comments about light. I put some cardboard up over our window to block the light, and that has seriously helped. White noise definitely helps too. Have you read the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley? She has a great chart in there that tells how many hours of awake time kids of various ages usually have between naps that really helped me figure out the timing of DD's (sometimes she doesn't show sleepy signs at all, or I'm just busy doing stuff and don't catch them in time). If I recall correctly, I think two year olds can usually do about 6 hrs of awake time before nap time. Hope this helps!


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## momtoruby (Jan 19, 2009)

i dont watch a lot of TV so i actually read the daily news on my phone for a bit to keep sane, if not id fall asleep!


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

I'm just posting my frustration here. I/We cannot find the right variables to tweak. The little bugger would not go to sleep, and I got tired of rocking him as it was pushing 10pm. "I'm going to take a bath. You lie down in your bed, and when I'm done with my bath, I'll come back and check on you."

DS: "But I already took my bath."

Me: "No, MOMMY is taking a bath. You are going to sleep."

DS: "But I want to watch you take a bath."

Me: "I'm taking a bath by myself. You are lying down." I went and took a relatively short bath. When I emerged from the bathroom, the little bugger was sitting up in our bed, nestled within the pillows, watching What Not to Wear.

DS, attempting to pre-empt anything I might say or do: "I'm watching this."

Yes, I see that.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

ASusan - frustrating but rather cute.

I made the mistake of letting ds nap yesterday. I was SO desperately tired myself & had so many people say they phased the nap out with an every 2nd or 3rd day schedule at first. BIG mistake. He took almost 2 hours to fall asleep & then was up repeatedly through the night & then woke up early. In all he only got 6 hours of sleep!!! NO MORE NAPS!!!

I am definitely finding my cut off is an hour. Up until an hour I do ok but at about the hour mark my patience just disappears.


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## Queermama (Jan 7, 2011)

My DS is 6.5 months, and if he doesn't fall asleep while nursing, I will sing and stroke his head to get him to sleep. If after 15 minutes, he's wide awake and wanting to play, I will just get him up again. I don't want to "loose" time with my partner in the evening and feel like i'm going batty because DS is awake. usually after about 30-45 minutes awake, we try again. we cosleep.


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## eva0897 (May 18, 2009)

My heart goes out to you. My 21 month old son is the exact same way. Sometimes I feel like it's impossible to not get very frustrated. Unfortunately nothing seems to work for me and I refuse to CIO, but some nights after 1.5 hours of rocking, patting and singing I may start to cry! Hugs to you


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## differentfamily (Jan 5, 2011)

Also wanting to add that we have eliminated the night nursing (I am the non-bio mom) and that makes it take longer but really gives my partner a break. She likes that she can have a glass of wine if she wants to...that she is done when we go in...for the most part. Last night he screamed for her to come hold him awhile. It hurt my feelings a bit, but I'm trying to get better at not letting it. The way we sleep as a family is him in a full bed with me until the wee morning hours, then he (and maybe me, depending on the time) join mama in the "mama" bed. Last night we renamed them castle Amazing and castle fantastic!

It's frustrating. I almost always fall asleep. My feelings (and body, if he decides to punch or kick) sometimes get hurt. But I think this is a flash in the pan of his life, and I hope he will remember the sweet times we have trying to fall asleep rather than the times I say things like "lay down now or mommy is going to leave." He will right?

I'm afraid mommy is sometimes not very nice.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

Oh differentfamily - I think a lot of these moments are MUCH harder on us than on them!


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