# "Child Led Parenting" on Surviving Motherhood tomorrow



## MissSJ (Oct 23, 2005)

I generally don't watch a lot of daytime TV and I definately don't like to watch the show Surviving Motherhood but on Monday I turned on the TV and the show was on. It caught my eye when I saw one of the moms bf her toddler, mostly because this is a mainstream show focusing on mainstream mothers (just my opinion). Well I decided I'd try to watch the show this week to catch it when the focus was on the EBF mama. Tomorrow she is going to be the focus and the previews said it was going to be about "child led parenting" which I am wondering if this is the show's label or the mama's label. I thought maybe you mamas might be interested. I am hoping what the show called "child led parenting" is really GD and am interested to see what the "expert" has to say as well as the other moms.

SJ


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## NotTheOnlyOne (Oct 23, 2006)

thanks for the tip... I'll be watching it.


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## kindergirl77 (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momtosimon* 
thanks for the tip... I'll be watching it.

I will be watching, too. In general that show REALLY upsets me. Last week, one lady said that not circumsizing is dirty and can contribute to cervical cancer in women.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Just a warning that every women's story is presented as a problem. I highly doubt they are going to have good things to say about "child led parenting."

Maybe I'm wrong though. Guess we'll see!


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## nova22 (Jun 26, 2004)

After what I heard about the Dr. Phil spot featuring unschooling, I don't have high hopes for this.

We don't have TV, so I hope someone will watch it and summarize for me. I'm interested to hear what they say.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

:


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## Rico'sAlice (Mar 19, 2006)

If I am connecting things right, then the one you're talking about is an MDC mama!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=458023


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## kindergirl77 (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nova22* 
After what I heard about the Dr. Phil spot featuring unschooling, I don't have high hopes for this.

We don't have TV, so I hope someone will watch it and summarize for me. I'm interested to hear what they say.

Is there a Dr. Phil discussion link?


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rico'sAlice* 
If I am connecting things right, then the one you're talking about is an MDC mama!
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=458023

Yes, she is!


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

I wish the expert though had been clear that 1) punishment is not necessary and 2) you don't need to stop AP just because your child is no longer an infant


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## PrincessCass (Aug 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44* 
wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

I wish the expert though had been clear that 1) punishment is not necessary and 2) you don't need to stop AP just because your child is no longer an infant

I agree I loved the one finger rule I am totally gonna use that. Also I think they could have given a bit of direction on how to introduce rules and limits without punishment. The use of redirection works well with my daughter but not for my son. For him I have to resort to removing him from the activity or wherever he is misbehaving. I think it really depends on the child and part of Attachment parenting is following the individual childs needs.
That includes the need for discipline.


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maya44* 
wow. Saw it. Really the advice given was not so terrible. I mean who can argue with the fact that this mama should not be allowing her child to run into the street or stomp all over food in the grocery.

Well, see, that's the problem with TV. Check out the link that was posted before, and you'll see that the producers totally set up that scene. Normally the mama would wear her kiddo in the store, but they instead had her let Julia run around the store.


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## mommy2julia (Mar 15, 2005)

Haha, i TOTALLY just saw this post.. I really didn't know it existed till now, anyway..thats me on the tv..


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
Well, see, that's the problem with TV. Check out the link that was posted before, and you'll see that the producers totally set up that scene. Normally the mama would wear her kiddo in the store, but they instead had her let Julia run around the store.

mommy2julia -- they seriously insisted you let her run around the store, when you normally wear her in the store? That so sucks! It's like they were setting things up to make AP look bad. I wear my toddler in the store, too.


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## mommy2julia (Mar 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
mommy2julia -- they seriously insisted you let her run around the store, when you normally wear her in the store? That so sucks! It's like they were setting things up to make AP look bad. I wear my toddler in the store, too.


yes, well ACTUALLY.. she was being good in the cart, she NEVER ever is good in the cart............SO.. they were like let her out, and there were people at every eisle so she could run freely.. it was set up and she thought it was a game.. whatev







Oh and i kept trying to tell them that it wasnt the AP that was the problem.. it was how to remain an AP mama, what are the right limits --whatever..they made me look bad. But at least I nursed a 2 yr old on tv!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Wow! So they were letting you know she could run freely, they had it covered ... then they presented it like, "This is how AP kids act in public." How dishonest!


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

I saw this episode as well. I thought the grocery store scene seemed a bit unreal.

But what about the street situation? It did seem as though letting a toddler "lead" with no limits or boundaries seems like a safety issue. Personally, I thought the "expert" made some good points. I'm AP but I think it really changes as a child moves from infancy into toddlerhood and into childhood.

I also really liked that the expert really recognized the value of AP parenting for babies - nursing on demand, holding a lot, cosleeping, etc.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Well, if mommy2julia normally carries her toddler in a sling while out -- the street scene wouldn't be any indication of what normally happens with them, would it?

My 2yo runs around freely in our fenced-in yard -- but when we're outside the yard, walking somewhere, I usually still just wear her in the sling. So, if someone told me, "Let her down and lets see what she does -- we've got it covered ... what they'd see would be how she behaves in a totally new and unfamiliar situation, it wouldn't be at all representative of "how attachment parenting works with toddlers."

I'd say AP DOES work with children of all ages. Attachment parents are simply more likely to wear their toddlers out in public until they're better able to understand the WHY of various limits. We prefer to minimize the need for limit-setting during the toddler years, by childproofing and baby-wearing as much as possible.

My oldest is just now turning 7, so I can definitely say attachment-parented children eventually DO listen and understand the need for boundaries. And we have a bond of trust that's lacking in many mainstream families.


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

I think of AP as a philosophy, not a list of rules that a parent needs to follow. Some AP mamas can't sling their toddlers (back problems, for examples)...doesn't make them any less of an attached parent.

And more than that, I have met very few toddlers who will tolerate being carried...most of them want to toddle! I think responding to that need and desire is healthy. And that can mean toddlers wanting to run in the street...one doesn't need to say "no" but can easily redirect and distract at this age. I think the expert talked about this, but I can't remember.

Anyway, the street scene (while I understand editing) was an example of where mama and papa didn't agree on where the limits should be. The mother actually talked about it pretty frankly in the discussion, so I don't write everything off to bad editing.

I thought the mother was expressing her desire to know what limits were appropriate for her daughter. She also expressed some exasperation around how things were going.

I guess it didn't seem to me that the show was so bad...she seemed like she needed a little guidance and some suggestions. Just like we all do when we come here!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *swampangel* 
I think of AP as a philosophy, not a list of rules that a parent needs to follow. Some AP mamas can't sling their toddlers (back problems, for examples)...doesn't make them any less of an attached parent.

And more than that, I have met very few toddlers who will tolerate being carried...most of them want to toddle! I think responding to that need and desire is healthy.

I totally agree with both these statements. My post was about mommy2julia and her daughter -- who is used to being in the sling while Mommy shops. I just think it's dishonest to try a child out in a totally unfamiliar situation (being loose in the store or on the street when she's used to being carried), and then present her behavior as indicative of how AP works.


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

I totally agree!


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## utopia760 (Feb 7, 2007)

ive seen the episode so it must be a rerun- i was not happy with the episode as the mother was not keeping her childs safty in mind AND not even really doing it at all- i thought she was more a person who just dident dicipline at all. let me knwo what you think


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

To me it seemed as though she was following the Dr. Sears et al. AP advice for babies. I think things really do change as babies turn into toddlers and then enter the childhood years. She was feeding on demand, cosleeping and following her child's lead from babyhood, which is all good.

I think the challenge comes in when limits and boundaries do need to be set. And when distraction and redirection are helpful. Letting a child explore in the street isn't safe at any age...and there's no reason (that I can think of) to let a child do that. I think that's the time to capture their interest in something else and get them out of the street.

The grocery store situation seemed like a setup. I would have scooped her up and put her in the cart with a crunchy item to play with like a bag of pretzels or something. I do that now with my 1 year old and it works great. He's too heavy for me to sling now, so this is what we do.


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## mommy2julia (Mar 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *utopia760* 
ive seen the episode so it must be a rerun- i was not happy with the episode as the mother was not keeping her childs safty in mind AND not even really doing it at all- i thought she was more a person who just dident dicipline at all. let me knwo what you think


Umm, NO..not at all. We were keeping her safty in mind, we didnt (we moved) really let her toddle the street (however it was a dead end steet so NO cars even came down there) but I think what the producer wanted to see was the fact that Brad (my Partner) and I didnt alway agree on discipline with Julia. And it just happened that we lived on a dead end street with no real yard at the time, so the producers figured it would be a perfect "scene" for us to follow Julia around the street, ususally in that senario, we would be really close to Julia while she explored, But it would rarly involve a street..
.

The main reason I went on the show was to ask the question, what are some gentle ways I could instill disipline into my child wihtout using the harshness I was raised with. I am a new mother, who was just seeing what was out there. I was frustrated at the time, with Julia who was growing from a baby to a toddler (she was 18 months or so at the time) She is now 27 months old and has grown into this awesome toddler, who is still breastfed on demand and who isnt always a perfect little angel but we are working on limits and boundries and we are even enrolled into many playgroups were she is socailly involved with other kids.. We were able to take the opprotunity to use TLC as an outlet for mothers who AP to know that there are other AP mamas out there, and to promote Lactivism, Child led weaning and other aspects of AP and parenting that some mothers might not known about.. Plus I have a small amount of celberaty status..














Anyhow, I hope this clears up the assumptions that I am not a mother who keeps her childs saftly in mind (lets keep editing in mind)!!!!


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## utopia760 (Feb 7, 2007)

it really sound like the show made it out to be what it was not- it maed it seam like you let her do whatever she wanted and that you did not care. or that you did not want to dicipline at all for whatever reason. Thank you for clearing it up for me because i know that that episode stuck in my mind. If i were you i would be angry with them for the way they portrayed your family- it sound like your doing well and thats great!


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