# My 4 year old is hitting me



## calicokatt (Mar 14, 2005)

What would you do? My four year old spent the night at nana and papa's house this weekend and was pesty as can be :LOL She wouldn't do what she was told and was just generaly impossibly 4 years old. My mom spanked her (keep in mind that I am a reformed spanker, and this is NOT the first spanking that Ashleigh has received, but the first in a long time). So this morning she got irritated with me and punched me in the arm. I told her she wasn't allowed to hit and pretty much ignored it. A few minutes later she did it again. I don't know what to do, but this HAS to stop!! HELP!
Kathy


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Well, my guess is she is acting out at being spanked. It seems pretty logical: her grandparents got upset with her so they hit her. Now she is upset about something and she's hitting you. Punish the grandparents!









I do think that you need to let your grandparents know that this isn't acceptable. It's not just morally wrong, it's going to screw up whatever progress you are making with your non-spanking style.

As for her, I'm betting there was something bothering her and she doesn't know how to discuss it. You should do some "active listening" with her. Great examples of this are in "Parent Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon (he even has examples where a young child was acting out and the parent was able to figure out what was bothering the child). Also "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen...." by Faber and Mazlish.

I really feel there is something she's upset about and can't get it out. It may be a "little thing", but it's big to her, I'm sure.

Good luck!


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

I understand you because dd is the only person in the world that ever has hit me and I am at a shock when she does that. I think what you did is fine. Just saying "we do not hit, you can hit a pillow, but not mommy" and move on. Alternatively, you can say, I see you need a hug, and just keep her close to you for a while. This is what I do with my 4-year-old. She hits me when she is very angry. I hug her and initially she hits me more, but I hug her very tight and she cannot really punch me... After a while she stops hitting and just cries for a while. I tell her she can cry with me and let all that bothers her out. And then she goes on with her life. Initially, I just could not handle not "punishing" her in some way for hitting, but then I realized it is a phase, and will pass and if I get mad, it will take longer... Anyway, this hitting thing for me is just soooo hard....


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## Millie Ivy (Dec 8, 2001)

Well, I would definitely talk to the grandparents about not hitting her, becasue that can be very confusing for the wee one!

Addie sometimes will get mad at me and reach out to strike. Never gets to be more than once in an episode because I *calmly* put her down, (not sweetly, just calmly, lol) And tell her " You may not hit. I do not hit you, Grammy does not hit you, Jason does not hit me, etc.... We do not hit in this house. If you cannot stop hitting me, I won't be able to sit by you."
I don't put her in the corner, or anything I just will walk a few feet away and let her know that people won't want to be right there by her if she abuses them. Normally that is like the worst thing, because she is tired and wants me to lay with her, so I then say I can be with her again as long as she doen't hit me. That is what works for us!!!


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