# How do I get my son a girlfriend



## fangaroo (Feb 24, 2015)

My son has been depressed for almost a year now because he wants to have a girlfriend. I've tried telling him that he has to wait and be patient, but he just shouts over me and tells me that he's sick of this crap and that he just wants to be in a relationship. I've suggested that he date certain girls at his school. He says he's gotten to know most of them, but does not like any of them (his school is pretty small). I've taken him to the mall and to street festivals and outdoor concerts, but he didn't want to talk to any of the girls there. We live in a fairly small town and there are no clubs for him to join. He likes books, so he's tried sitting in the bookstore and looking for girls but he has had no luck. Lately he's been so down that he's stopped talking. He almost never leaves his room and he cries all the time. I'm not sure what to do. I know of no other places where he can meet girls. He's so upset and angry and I want to help, but I just can't think of anything else.


----------



## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

If he's depressed, he should be in counselling. People do not get depressed because they want a girlfriend. If what you say is true, there is something really awry in your ds's mental state, and the answer is to address that, not take him to a street festival and outdoor concerts so he can meet more girls. I suspect you should be in counselling too, as you continue to focus on the girlfriend issue, with no real insight into how his emotional state and social skills are playing into the scenario. It seems he also has a twin sister who is very withdrawn, who won't speak to you at the dinner table and has no interest in anything other than reading. I think you need some serious help understanding both your kids' mental states and supporting them effectively. An internet site is not an appropriate place to turn for help with this degree of family dysfunction.

On the other hand, if the scenarios you're posting are fabricated, my advice stands: I think some professional counselling would be in order. Fabricated posts contribute to an environment of distrust in this forum and become a significant impediment to those who genuinely need support.

Miranda


----------



## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

You don't "get [your] son a girlfriend." Amazon doesn't ship them. You tell him that girlfriends are people you have relationships with, and it would be creepy for you to recruit one for him.

He needs therapy. You can appropriately find him a therapist, and insist that he attend counseling sessions.


----------



## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

There was a similar post recently...about a guy who wanted a girlfriend but didnt like any of the girls, he just wanted a girlfriend for its sake (i dont really understand that mentality anyway-you want to be in a relationship with someone because you like them right? ).

Is it the same poster? The whole thing seems a bit contrived ....I agree with the above posters-counselling for the OP...


----------



## moominmamma (Jul 5, 2003)

contactmaya said:


> Is it the same poster? The whole thing seems a bit contrived ....


Yup, same.

miranda


----------



## Dawn's mom (Jul 2, 2015)

There is a difference between depression and frustration. I don't think your son is depressed nor is him being in a relationship going to solve his stress. I think the question should be why he wants to be in a relationship so bad. It's very normal for teens to want to start dating, of course. But it's not healthy when the parents intervene in helping him find a girl and just any girl. When you think about it, you are sort of teaching your son that events and school is kind of like an emporium for shopping for girls and that girls are just there to make him happy. If your son is going off the deep end when you talk to him then I don't think he is emotionally either stable or ready for a relationship. I think counselling is in check to figure out exactly what his deal is.


----------

