# 1 year old not sleeping, mom is feeling desperate



## alfie24 (Jun 7, 2014)

My baby girl is almost 1, and sleeping worse than ever. We've always co slept, but she starts the night out in her crib because she goes to bed earlier than hubby and I. She sleeps really well for several hours, but anywhere from 11pm to 2am she starts getting really restless and fussy. I usually put her in bed at that point, but even that isn't helping anymore. She kicks me and thrashes around, so neither of us are sleeping. I've tried leaving her in the crib, which is right next to our bed, but if she settles down at all she wakes up again soon after. She is adopted and i tried to nurse but wasn't able to produce milk, so nursing her to sleep isn't an option. She has never really been a comfort eater anyway, and hasn't wanted to eat in the middle of the night for a long time. I don't know if i need advice or just to commiserate and hear that it will get better eventually! I'm just so exhausted and desperate for some sleep, but super sick of being told to put her in a different room and let her cry. I feel like she still needs me to help her sleep, i just don't know what to do.


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## waywornwanderer (Jun 14, 2012)

alfie24 said:


> My baby girl is almost 1, and sleeping worse than ever. We've always co slept, but she starts the night out in her crib because she goes to bed earlier than hubby and I. She sleeps really well for several hours, but anywhere from 11pm to 2am she starts getting really restless and fussy. I usually put her in bed at that point, but even that isn't helping anymore. She kicks me and thrashes around, so neither of us are sleeping. I've tried leaving her in the crib, which is right next to our bed, but if she settles down at all she wakes up again soon after. She is adopted and i tried to nurse but wasn't able to produce milk, so nursing her to sleep isn't an option. She has never really been a comfort eater anyway, and hasn't wanted to eat in the middle of the night for a long time. I don't know if i need advice or just to commiserate and hear that it will get better eventually! I'm just so exhausted and desperate for some sleep, but super sick of being told to put her in a different room and let her cry. I feel like she still needs me to help her sleep, i just don't know what to do.


Oh, lady. I know just where you are and it is rough. So, so rough.

Here's my story, just for commiseration's sake: our DD is 15.5 months old and an awful sleeper. She's been that way from day one. In fact, our angel of a nursery nurse (LO had a bit of jaundice, so was under the bili lights for 24 hours....) sent us off with a wink and a smile, saying "good luck co-sleeping with THAT little one!" Anyway, until she was a year old she never slept longer than a 45 minute sleep cycle. That's it. During sickness/teething, it was up every 10 minutes all.night.long. When she was a year old, I started feeling just ILL with lack of sleep. And angry. And sad. I knew we had to shift things around.

We had been co-sleeping from day 1, with all of us piling up in bed at the beginning of the night and my husband sneaking out to study. DD is a light sleeper, so I'd stay with her and watch a movie or read in bed with her. Well, we shifted our bedtime routine around to include DH a lot more. He does tubby time with her, then we all read books together, meditate, nurse until verrrrrrry sleepy and then DH helps her to sleep in her crib. (She hadn't slept in her crib until she was one!)

Now, over the past few months of that new routine, she has begun sleeping from about 7:30 or 8 pm until about 11 pm, which gives me time to recharge a bit.

DD is still a lot like your DD, unfortunately. She is very wakeful and restless, particularly during developmental leaps. She nurses a lot, and within the past week has begun waking an hour earlier than normal- at 6:15 am. It's still really really hard, because my DD seems like she needs more sleep and I wish I could help her.

But the thing is, I can't and will never be able to sleep FOR her. All I can do is soothe her and create a restful sleeping environment, giving her plenty of opportunity to rest and showing her how good sleep feels. That's my job. I've started to accept that this is the type of sleeper she is- she just doesn't sleep as much as other kids her age. And I love her anyway, and will help her and be there for her until she learns to sleep independently.

Anyway, that was a novel. Sorry! :laugh:

I don't have any answers for you- no magic solution. I'm not going to say that CIO is the answer, or that co-sleeping is the answer. Or anything, really. I'm just going to say that it sounds like you are doing a really great job. (And send sleepy dust your way!!! :goodvibes)

p.s. have you tried a white noise machine? black out curtains? lavender oil? It seems silly to ask, but those are a big deal in our house! As well as daily naps for babe AND me :thumb


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

If this is a new thing, could she have worms? That can make children very restless at night.


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## alfie24 (Jun 7, 2014)

waywornwanderer said:


> But the thing is, I can't and will never be able to sleep FOR her. All I can do is soothe her and create a restful sleeping environment, giving her plenty of opportunity to rest and showing her how good sleep feels. That's my job. I've started to accept that this is the type of sleeper she is- she just doesn't sleep as much as other kids her age. And I love her anyway, and will help her and be there for her


Thank you so much for sharing your story! I cried. I'm sorry you have a not so good sleeper too, but it's nice to know I'm not crazy or doing anything obviously wrong! And that other people feel my pain. And aren't giving in to pressure to do it a certain way! I don't know if people pressure you too, but i literally can't talk about it without someone telling me to do CIO.  She's always been a bad sleeper, but that's just how it is. I love the above paragraph that you wrote, that was when i cried.  It's so true. Thanks for the encouragement, and for sharing in this struggle! We'll make it through.  question though: I've tried the other things you mentioned, but not lavender oil. What do you do with the oil? I will give it a try.


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## llwr (Feb 24, 2009)

I wanted to mention that she's about the age where they switch from 2 naps to 1, which is usually a pretty hard transition. It usually gets better once they've completed the transition.


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## Jaxy (Oct 3, 2012)

DS is the worst sleeper, but somehow, don't ask me how and when (a few months ago, maybe 3? he is now 22 months), it got so much better...! It just happens, like that. But from 0 - about 19 months, he woke up. every. hour. I was desperate. But it changes. It takes a while but they change  Good luck.


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