# What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?



## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

I was just talking to someone yesterday about my 2nd birth and how I discovered the possibility of tearing up towards the clitoris during that birth. It was an unplanned unassisted birth and I found that part of it fairly alarming as I had never heard of that happening before. I thought it might be helpful to others if we share what we learned the hard way. Here are my examples:

1. That you could tear up and not just down
2. That there could be a LOT of swelling down there after birth
3. That you can have night sweats postpartum

That's all I can think of that I didn't know in advance of it happening to me. Anyone else?


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## teachinmaof3 (Sep 15, 2003)

That you can have a cervical/uterine prolapse!!


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

That it's possible to survive 17 hrs of back labour, but it ain't pretty.
I wish my Dr would have told me that DS was posterior - I would have looked into ways to help turn him and deal with that specific kind of pain.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

That what works for one person doesn't work for everyone! Specifically, dealing with a posterior baby... everyone told me getting on my hands and knees would take the pressure off my back a bit and make labor easier to handle... it didn't! That position hurt worse than any others for me.


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## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

* That you stood a fat chance of getting piles







:

* That involution gets more painful with subsequent birhts

* That full blown labour (water breaking to 3rd stage) could last three minutes!


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## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

Ah yes, add that 'involution gets more painful' to my list as well. That was a horriffic shocker to me. I also think I had either never heard of back labor before my first dc or what I _had_ heard didn't make much of an impression on me, cuz that's the kind of labor I had and it wasn't until I learned a lot more about birth that I figured out that's what happened to me.


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## guestmama9924 (Mar 16, 2002)

Even after being a doula and homebirht assistant 5 years before my last birth, I can say that I was SHOCKED by the
a) orange sized clots with #2
b) the afterbirth pains
c) the SUPERSIZED breasts- more so than with #1
d) the loose muscle tone in the vagina









all have been remedied or were manageable, for the record!


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## guestmama9924 (Mar 16, 2002)

oh and DITTO on the weirdo night sweats! and that shoulder dystocia is not necessarily a crisis and that midwives rock


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I wish somebody had warned me about the immediately-after-birth shakes. That frightened me. Also, I wish I'd known that afterpains were really PAIN, and not just the tiny twinges the childbirth educator talked about.

But most of all, I wish I'd known that when my water broke, it would just keep on leaking. I always thought it would be one big gush and then it's done; that's how it is in the movies and on TV, and those were my main images of birth. I didn't know that the fluid just keeps leaking and leaking and leaking. My water broke almost 24 hours before DD was born, so that's a LOT of leaking.


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## A2whit (Feb 26, 2005)

... that "relaxing" and "breathing" as much as possible would make it hurt less and go faster -- so I just lay still almost the whole time, feeling miserable and exhausted when I just wanted to MOVE. Not sure where I got that idea. With number 2 I had been to a lot of births and just did what i wanted: moved, danced, moaned, sang -- FUN and EFFECTIVE.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

what is "involution"
this is the google definition
"Process by which an expanding epithelium turns over on itself and continues to spread in the opposite direction along its basal margin." helpful, no?


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## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

We're referring to involution of the uterus aka the uterus shrinking back down to it's pre-pregnancy size, which is done by the uterus contracting:

"The process of reduction of the uterus to its normal nonpregnant size and state following childbirth. "


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## WriterMama (Mar 27, 2002)

1) That I would be scared to tears of having a postpartum bowel movement (though it wasn't as bad as I thought







)

2) That afterpains REALLY hurt, especially after the first baby

3) That you feel really drippy and gross after having a baby--lochia, leaky breasts, sweating, etc.


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## colobus237 (Feb 2, 2004)

That you can do everything right to prepare for a gentle natural birth at home, and still have it go frighteningly wrong.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

That afterpains would hurt so freaking bad


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

That you can tear your urethra and pee like a shower head instead of a straight line - for like months!


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## Artisan (Aug 24, 2002)

That uterine massage is horrible, horrible, worse than the labor and birth itself. This coupled with the afterpains (involution, as a pp mentioned) was just hard hard hard. I had a med-free birth and definitely needed serious narcotics to make it through the first 48 hours.


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## ZeldasMom (Sep 25, 2004)

For me it's not helpful to focus on all the things that can go wrong during birth. So I avoid the birth shows on cable and negative birth stories (I read one really negative story before my son's birth that still haunts me sometimes). But if it helps you in some way, go for it!


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

Quote:

1) That I would be scared to tears of having a postpartum bowel movement (though it wasn't as bad as I thought )








yup. i was a wreck about going poop for days after dd was born. took stool softeners...ate lots-o-fiber and was scared, scared, scared to go. and i agree...was nowhere near as bad as i thought.

~Erin


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## mommy2julia (Mar 15, 2005)

How long a extended prodomal labor actually could be.. *(we're talking about several days over here)


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## dharmama (Dec 29, 2002)

thought of one more....

no one told me (or if they did, i didn't pay attention) how hard introducing a baby can be on the marriage relationship.

we're just over a year postpartum now and life is really good







but oh man...those first few months....sleep deprivation...adjusting to life as a SAHM...dh working crazy hours...dd screaming if anyone other than me tried to hold her...each of us feeling that we were working so much harder than the other (i.e. me: "at least you get to go to work!" him: "at least you don't have to go to work!")

we had some ugly days before we stopped fighting/challenging/resenting each other and really started to work together.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

How did I forget all this stuff? Oddly, I loved this trip down memory lane . . . the surprising pain afterward, the night sweats, the difficulty sitting down for a couple of days, the giant maxi pad from the hospital and the need for it, the first scary poop. Oh, and how about that 6 month-pregnant belly I carried around for 6 months.

But most of all, I was completely unprepared for the monumental love I feel for this little boy. I didn't know I could love someone like this. And I didn't know love could be so scary.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

prodomal labor for days? try _weeks_. with my second it lasted for almost a month.

other things ~ that you can swell up so bad you can't pee. THAT was terrifying.

that position makes a HUGE difference in whether you tear or not.

that after birth, you can still feel sexy, radiant, beautiful, and goddessy!














and still want It, even immediately after giving birth.







(i modeled nude for an art class about 6 weeks after my daughter was born, and at one point i started leaking ~ and i felt so much like a GODDESS just sitting up there, radiating with birthy energy and dripping silver life...







)


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## shelley4 (Sep 10, 2003)

i felt a little stupid with my first birth because i was having this horrible horrible back pain for days (so much that i didn't sleep for 3 straight days/nights), i thought i really hurt my back and i was so worried that i would go into labour in this state... silly me, i WAS in labour, i just had no clue.. back labour for that much.. i didn't seem to notice that this horrible back pain was coming rather reliably every 5-7 mins







i feel like a pretty informed momma, but i couldn't even figure out that i was in labour







'gee, here i am at 41 1/2 weeks, experiencing regular intervals of pain.. what the







: is going on???'


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## WinterBaby (Oct 24, 2002)

That love at first sight *DOES* happen. Or maybe I just never believed it, lol.


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## cheeseRjedi (Jun 5, 2005)

:

i wish i knew:

~ that it would sting when i went to the bathroom and how much it hurt to sit down/get up from a sitting postion

~ how bad it hurts when the milk comes in. my boobs were huge and soooooooo sore


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## Baby Hopes (Jul 15, 2004)

I wasn't prepared for the emotions of it all. Radiantly happy one second. Weeping the next. Oh. And the night sweats. I had been warned... but who knew they could be that bad!


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## Mama2ABCD (Jun 14, 2003)

the one piece of advice i did not have with my first but desperately needed was that pushing felt like pooping. maybe i'm a total idiot, but i did not know that and NO ONE thought to tell me that in my pregnancy! i never came across it in written word either. even took a baby birthing class. so needless to say as i was pushing my baby, i thought what an awful time to have to take a poop, and was trying to hold the poop in while pushing. i'm amazed i ever got that child delivered!

so, i always tell mom's-to-be to watch for that feeling.


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## sweetest (May 6, 2004)

I didnt know that I would throw up. Multiple times. Yuck.


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

after DD1 was born - I wish I had known how hard it can be to breastfeed. That it doesn't just come naturally. That it can be lots of really hard work. I honestly thought that if mama dog can do it, why can't I? I didn't know babies sometimes need to nurse all night long. I didn't know how terrible schedules were for newborns. I didn't know my pediatrician would threaten to take my baby away from me if I didn't give her formula. I didn't know a lactation consultant was so important. I didn't know my cesarean incision could split open and pour out sticky yellow liquid (seroma). I didn't know lochia could last two months. I didn't know the bladder problems I had during pregnancy would last well into the post-partum time period. I didn't know that giving birth could be such a traumatic experience.

after DD2 was born - I didn't know, had absolutely no clue how easy everything can be!! I didn't know that I could birth vaginally with no swelling whatsoever down there! I didn't know that breastfeeding could be so easy. I didn't believe that "easy babies" really did exist. I didn't know that lochia could last only two days. I didn't know that some babies really do sleep 7 hours at night within their first week.


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

I think you need to add a note: Don't read if currently pregnant!

Pushing feeling like pooping was a big one for me, too. That would have clarified things A LOT.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I wish I'd known how difficult breastfeeding can be at first. I spent every nursing session for the first three weeks crying my eyes out and feeling as though my son was going to starve. It was almost as hard with dd in the beginning...but at least I knew that "this too shall pass" - made a _huge_ difference!!


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## Lynski (Oct 17, 2004)

I didn't know that labor can't hurt so bad that you pass out. DH & I were taken by surprise and it scared us both. I decided to get the epidural after this because I was so afraid what would happen if I passed out while pushing. *I* really didn't feel the pain was unmanageable, but I guess my brain did.

That you will feel like someone beat you with a baseball bat for weeks. I knew it would hurt afterwards of course. I wasn't prepared for the weeks of recovery where I couldn't even go to the store for milk without crying from pain.


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## DoulaLyndsey (Feb 18, 2005)

Things I wish people would've told me:

1. engorgement HURTS!!
2. lochia can last 6 weeks
3. (most importantly to ME) you can pass clots that are the size of the palm of your hand postpartum. I was told that if I passed anything larger than a quarter to call doctor. Well, 3 weeks PP at 3am I passed a huge clot and called my OB's after hours line and was told to go directly to the ER. Needless to say, I was crying thinking that I was bleeding to death and the ER docs told me it was normal.


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## dynamicdoula (Jun 11, 2004)

No one told me about the poo issues I'd have for the next month and a half. I was so incredibly constipated and the poo was never a good 'shape'... at one point I 'birthed' a round ball of poo that made me bleed, and cry.







For six weeks I would try to go as soon as I felt the urge and would sit there forever, nothing would come, and then I would grow more and more scared to go.. so it was about once a week and it would be excruciating.

I never asked for help, I didn't know what to do about it... I was 20 and very embarrassed, living w/my IL's who are very private folk, I just didn't know what to do. Thankfully it worked itself out. The second time I gave birth I told the nurses and they were shocked that no one gave me stool softeners the first time around.


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

I'm very curious, those of you who are relating such horribleness, did you birth in a hospital? Because I didn't experience anything like that during or after my vbac (which was NOT anywhere near a hospital). I mean, I felt a little tired is all and I had thrown my back out with all the gyrating and moving around, but I did not have any of the issues you all are talking about. None of them.


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## WriterMama (Mar 27, 2002)

I also didn't know bfing would be so difficult. I wish that someone had told me that there could be a serious learning curve. It would have made the whole thing so much more bearable. Thankfully, I was able to impart my wisdom







to my sister, who is doing fabulously with her new little girl. She's a total AP mama, and that makes me so happy


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## Lynski (Oct 17, 2004)

Stafl, I did have a hospital birth. DS turned posterior in the car on the way to the hospital though, and that is what really caused my difficulty.


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## teachinmaof3 (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:

I'm very curious, those of you who are relating such horribleness, did you birth in a hospital?
My cervical/uterine prolapse was after my 3rd birth....my first home waterbirth.


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## hunnybumm (Nov 1, 2003)

-That you really need someone (besides you) who believes you can birth naturally. Had a nurse, my DH, my mom, anyone told me "Look, I know it hurts, but YOU can do this!" I wouldn't have gotten an epi.

-The side effects (during and after) of an epi / cathader - unable to hold my urine, unable to walk, sever shaking for the first 24 hours, back problems, etc.

-That the pain doesn't stop after the labor is over. I was prepared for bleeding for a few weeks, but I didn't realize how much I would hurt after the labor. Unable to sit properly for 3 months. Couldn't hold DS for more than 10mintues standing up for the first 4 months. Not to mention cramps at every feeding.

-That breastfeeding is hard work. Sadly DS was tongue tied so the first few days I was nursing correctly, he was latching great, but he just wasn't getting enough milk. So I thought I was doing something wrong until at 10days someone finally caught it. Everything was great from there on.

-That labor can last a very long time. I always hoped that my labors wouldn't be 15 - 18 hours, instead it was 45 hours (32 before going to the hospital). I also wish someone had told me that when you push on demand it can take hours to push out the baby. At our lamaze class the instructor never once mentioned it could take hours to push out your baby. When we took the class everyone was delivering at the hospital the class was give at, so the instructor knew everyone would be tied to a hospital bed with a crap load of interventions.

-That induction really sucks and you shouldn't get one unless it is MEDICALLY neccessary. Luckily I went into labor the day before my induction date.

-The true love at first sight. People tell you how much you will love your baby, but you just don't know until it happens to you. There are no earthly words that can describe it.

-The the doctor isn't always right! Geeze, wish I knew this so much earlier.









For the record, I was in a hospital and I know that is why I had so many labor / post pardum issues. They are very birth backwards here, very medical minded, I was just so nieve! I am really excited about this birth and to see how it differs from my first. This one will be at an awesome birth center, very hands off.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I never knew how swollen and sore I would be after birth. I also couldn't stand still for more than 10 minutes at a time for the first two months because of the throbbing pain. I tore it two directions and the recovery was very painful.

I never knew that you could get varicose veins around your parts. I guess I've always had them but they didn't introduce themselves until my third trimester and boy did they throb for months after I had given birth. Ouch!

I knew that breastfeeding was hard but I never knew that I wouldn't get the support I expected from the nurses (who are lactation consultants and run the breastfeeding center at the hospital). And, my midwives weren't much help either. I know next time I'm planning to go to LLL meetings and hire someone to join me after the birth to help out.

No one really explained the strain that can be placed on a marriage and the "I've done more" game that can be played. It didn't last long at our house and we closed ranks pretty quickly to support each other instead of being frustrated with each other but it did happen at first and created more strain. But, I also never knew that I could love my husband even that much more and how much I enjoy watching him parent. He's great at it!

I knew I would love my son and that it wouldn't be like anything I had experience before but I never knew that I would have this completely raw spot in my heart that makes me so much more tender not only towards him but all children and other people.

I'd always heard it takes nine months to make a baby and nine months to get over it but in my case it's been 15 months and I'm just now starting to feel normal.

I would have never believed if someone had told me that my son would still not be sleeping through the night and still eats at least one full bottle a night at 15 months. No way! But, it's my reality and we get through it.

Great topic.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

That the shakes and vomiting don't always mean transition.

That there are worse malposition than posterior.







:

Add me to the night sweats list!

That your feet would swell up AFTER the birth (due to drugs)

That a 'roid could hurt worse than a tear.

Quote:

I'm very curious, those of you who are relating such horribleness, did you birth in a hospital?
Yes, I was induced after my membranes ruptured, but my midwife, pro-birthing hospital/nurses and Henci Goer saved my life! (well, my uterus and my sanity - any ob could have stopped the haemorrhage)

Three cheers for Henci Goer!!! I knew to try and shift positions w/an epidural, and a hundred other things because of her.


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## pippet (Aug 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2julia*
How long a extended prodomal labor actually could be.. *(we're talking about several days over here)

oh oh oh ... I second that! I had that for days with baby #2 and I didn't even know what it was... and neither did anyone else I talked to!

I didn't know that stripping the membranes would hurt like an SOB either... (they did that after the 3rd day or prodromal).

ditto on shakes and the first night sweats

with my 2nd... I didn't know you could go to 8cm and not have had your water break on its own already!

And I wished that I had known how my babies would have benefitted from seeing a pediatric chiropractor soon after birth - both had terrible neck problems that had to be treated later.

Also never new that sysphysis pubis pain could last over a year postpartum!


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## catkins1x (Jul 19, 2005)

*#1 child: Emergancy C*

1. During the C-Section, my bladder would be taken out, might not work again (tho under circumstances was fine with me.)
2. Vomiting from General Anesthsia
3. Trouble walking for 3 weeks

*#2 child: VBAC*

1. 35 hour back labor. Doula assisted. Doula convinced nurses to let me walk around tethered to wires (due to VBAC) otherwise, w/out Doula's persistence I probably would have had to stay in bed.

2. *THAT EPIDERALS CAN HELP YOU DILATE* (have heard this from one OB, two other mothers-probably not standard procedure-but worked for me!!!)

3. Tried every position, every technique. What brought relief after 32 hours was lying on surgical table (provided counter pressure to back) and feet in stir-ups!!

4. The pain/swelling from Episotamy

5. Fatigue


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## Mama Coltrane (Sep 30, 2004)

The big surprise for me was pushing for 8 hours. I never imagined that!


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## heldt123 (Aug 5, 2004)

I wish I had known...
...about MDC!








...that you can give birth at home without assistance
...that you don't have to go to the hospital when your water breaks
...not to read this thread because it is scaring the bejeebers out of my and my planned UC!!








...you don't have to take stool softeners when there is pleanty of watermelon available.

Oh yeah, and you can break the doctor's arm if he comes near you with a pair of sissors to give you an episiotomy!!!!!!!!! :LOL


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## jennydoodle (Feb 8, 2005)

The whole swollen Baboon Butt thing shocked me!


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## lovebugmama (May 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dharmama*
...each of us feeling that we were working so much harder than the other (i.e. me: "at least you get to go to work!" him: "at least you don't have to go to work!")

we had some ugly days before we stopped fighting/challenging/resenting each other and really started to work together.

This sounds sooooo familiar. It was constant one-upping each other in our house for the first 6 months or so. DH was working like crazy and I was going crazy being home alone all the time with a pretty demanding baby. Luckily, we got over it (I should say, I got over it by getting out of the house more and feeling more content that I get to stay home instead of resentful). We had none of this with baby #2. My expectations were completely different.

Also, I agree about the horrible afterpains and the hemorrhoids (sp?). They both totally suck!


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## KSlager (Jun 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen*
But most of all, I was completely unprepared for the monumental love I feel for this little boy. I didn't know I could love someone like this. And I didn't know love could be so scary.









This is the one post I personally can really relate to!
I don't know if it was because I had awesome, honest midwives or what but I knew pregnancy would become a drudgery, I knew birth would hurt, I knew "recovery" would be like any other healing - slow but sure. I knew I had to learn to breastfeed right along with my babies, I knew I wouldn't sleep when I needed it the most. Because I knew in my mind all things, when I lived them through my body it wasn't such a shock. I accepted every bit of the whole process as "this is normal; this is my very own experience as a new mother."

Yet, as the above stated, I could never understand or comprehend this intensely passionate love for my children.
Pain of birth and afterbirth is nothing ... NOTHING compared to this deep, wonderful love that has consumed me.

:boy: :homew:


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## suz515 (May 28, 2005)

I didn't realize recouping would be much more painful than after the first. I had my 2nd 14months after my 1st and I was introduced to brand new pains. It was the first time I had ever considered pain meds- and fast!









Apparently I didn't give my body time enough to recoup after my 1st.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

I was not expecting my midwife to bow out so completely during the birth, after transfer of care (baby's heartrate dropped too low during contractions at pushing time).









I was not expecting to feel so exhausted completely and shaky after pushing my baby out. Nor feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed for several days after birth... even weeks. I was not expecting to feel so much shame and fear during and after the birth because I was in pain and overwhelmed. The 6 weeks PP were truly needed to feel mildly normal again.









Burst blood vessels in face and eyes were not expected.

Episotomy - OOOOOUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH for at least 10 days after. So frustrating to feel the stitches pull (raw, OWW) while I tried to get my baby to bf.

My labia also look different now--smaller somehow. Did the doc tuck them in or down??? I miss my big butterfly wings.







Anybody else's labia look different?

I was not expecting major bf probs (flat nipples, she wouldn't open her mouth, couldn't get her to latch... when she finally did open her mouth to latch she wouldn't suck... my baby always crying at my breast, pushing away from me, kicking, taking midwives 20 minutes to help get baby latched on, feeling so overwhelmed and depressed). I was expecting/hoping for bf success because I birthed my baby without any drugs. Babies born without drugs are supposed to be alert and ready for feeding, right? Well that's what I read anyway. It didn't happen for us. Tried for 6 weeks, only got her to latch on once by myself. As a result had probs with PPD/PPA. I thought that with perserverence and desire to succeed I could overcome any obstacle. This was not the case, my nerves simply couldn't handle daily lack of success at bf. Sooooo depressing.







(Thank goddess for breastpumps--my baby got colostrum and breastmilk from day 1 on.)







:

Leakiness and smelliness, esp. ripe armpits due to fenugreek. Earthy.

I was not expecting to feel so incompetent and insecure, or have intense anxiety over BEING A GOOD ENOUGH MOTHER.









I was not expecting to have what felt like NO TIME TO EAT in early days. Very hard, affected my energy and mood. Couldn't sleep between baby's feedings due to anxiety... it was very very hard for awhile!

Over time, I have come to love and enjoy my baby deeply... was expecting to cry and feel instant love after birthing baby, but all I really wanted to do was SLEEP.

NOW I have to say, as my love, comfort with, and enjoyment of my baby has grown grown grown,







I have not expected to feel so intensely loving and protective of her. SHE'S SO LOVEABLE!







:


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## valeria_vi (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shelley4*
i felt a little stupid with my first birth because i was having this horrible horrible back pain for days (so much that i didn't sleep for 3 straight days/nights), i thought i really hurt my back and i was so worried that i would go into labour in this state... silly me, i WAS in labour, i just had no clue.. back labour for that much.. i didn't seem to notice that this horrible back pain was coming rather reliably every 5-7 mins







i feel like a pretty informed momma, but i couldn't even figure out that i was in labour







'gee, here i am at 41 1/2 weeks, experiencing regular intervals of pain.. what the







: is going on???'

*lol*
i was having Braxons. or so I thought. until my water nroke and the baby came about half an hour later. I really thought that I was in pre-labor and that it could go on for days and did not realize it was the real thing. and I read so much about birth.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:

Oh yeah, and you can break the doctor's arm if he comes near you with a pair of sissors to give you an episiotomy!!!!!!
LOL, my daughter had a big decel halfway out, so instead of scaring me with that, my midwife asked if she could do an episiotomy after the next contraction, and dangled the scissors over my belly to give me incentive. Yep, I pushed her out on that one!


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## crunchykids (Jun 14, 2005)

I wish I had known

labor could stop once it started
it was possible to walk around 6cm dilated for days and the baby would not fall out, much to my chagrin
involution gets worst with each baby (why is it no one ever offers to come to my house and hook me up to an epidural for the first two weeks, that's what I want to know?)
that depression may be worst with subsequent pregnancies
that it would be worth it to drive 50 miles for midwives that I adore and a supportive hospital


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## FrumDoula (Jun 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *reader*
That uterine massage is horrible, horrible, worse than the labor and birth itself. This coupled with the afterpains (involution, as a pp mentioned) was just hard hard hard. I had a med-free birth and definitely needed serious narcotics to make it through the first 48 hours.

I hate epidurals for the birth, but ya know, for the afterpains ..... well, there's an idea!


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

-ditto on the nightsweats!
-that perineal support can cause orgasm-like sensation which make pushing contractions go on forever (like 8 pushes per contraction), rendering pushing somewhat ineffective, causing tired uterus and leading to hemhorrage and cord traction-pulled placenta partially due to:
-baby's cord may be too short to nurse until placenta comes out
-that while pushing one may feel too "out-of-this-world" (even with no drugs) to tell midwife to stop said perineal support (I wanted to but couldn't find the words)
all leading to a trip to the hospital where narcotics were given (necessary for me to relax enough) so doc could make sure placenta had been completely removed
-that if narcotics are administered, one may agree to things such as preventative antibiotics even though one may be completely against those in principle and never would have otherwise agreed
-that one may forget one had antibiotics until days later and not probiotically arm oneself against the possibility of thrush (which we thankfully avoided)
-that cod liver oil and nutritional yeast can help with postpartum baby fog and blues in the dead of winter


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## proudmamanow (Aug 12, 2003)

ditto on shelley4 --I turned to my dw the morning I went into labour, sobbing, saying I can't go into labour today, I'm in too much pain! I think I strained my hip!

A big ditto on dynamicdoula's poo issues...which I'm still having at 3 months pp..they started around 1 month pp! (I may start another thread on that).

But in general I had a fabulous 16 hour home waterbirth and would do it again in a second


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## chapulina (Feb 18, 2003)

I never expected to have (slight) urinary incontinence for about a year after birth #1; therefore, I think Kegels are so important during pregnancy and after childbirth.

I thought I would bond with my baby immediately, but rather, I was sort of overwhelmed and depressed in learning how to take care of a very colicky high-needs infant, and people were forever asking, "what's wrong with her?"

never imagined how wonderful and how proud being a mother makes you.


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## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

The above post reminded me of another one....

I didn't know that I wouldn't fall immediately in head-over-heels love with my first dd. Sure, I _loved_ her but I didn't feel the way I came to a few days later. I think in my case it was due to the combination of this all being very new (becoming a parent) and the long pushing stage. I remember when she was born I honestly felt more releaved than anything. I didn't cry. I wasn't overcome with joy. I was just glad it was over. And yes, I loved her but it wasn't the same as what some of you describe.

Now with my 2nd dd I did feel the immediate gushing-love sensation, but I think it's because I already understood my role as a mother and I only pushed for a few minutes so there wasn't that same level of relief.

It was a little shameful for me to feel that way at first, so if someone had forewarned me that that may happen it would have been helpful. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just something that sometimes is.


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## wtchyhlr (Oct 15, 2002)

No one told me that my arms and back would be more sore from pushing than my nether regions.

No one told me how much TIME you spend the first couple of months breastfeeding. I was breastfeeding easily 40min out of every hour that he was awake those first few months.


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

My kids were both born at home (my second in the water), and I didn't know:

~what "transition" was or means to your labor, and that it can hit you like a mac truck! I'm sure I had been told, but I guess I wasn't listening!
~how hard "recovery" can be. I honestly had no idea, even though I felt I had read everything.
~how fast, easy, and amazing your second birth can be, and that it makes recovery a million times better!
~how the second baby changes your marriage and can be a huge struggle. I had NO idea it was "normal" for it to be so difficult after your second baby, but my sister's therapist said it was extremely common. I'm so glad we made it through, but there were days I didn't know.
~AND that there is such thing as post partum ANXIETY!!!!

I'm so proud and happy for both of my births and wouldn't change either for the world. But I am sure to tell expectant mamas to be prepared for transition, recovery, and the changes a 2nd child can bring (in a loving, non-scary way, of course!).


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## cvsprague (Oct 12, 2004)

Ditto on the post-partum piles and overall "leakiness". I wasn't prepared for that at all the first time. Also, my first ds was posterior and I definitely wasn't prepared for that pain and duration of labor. (29 hours, unmedicated







)

On a more positive note, I also wasn't prepared for the love at first sight or the fact that when I took a little time for me that I would miss my baby so much! All the "leakiness" in the world is totally worth it when I see that gummy smile!


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:

That uterine massage is horrible, horrible
I must confess that whe the student nurse took over the uterine massage and was not doing it anywhere near hard enough, I didn't say anything...

And I was epiduralled! Can't imagine the pain of it undrugged.

I remembered another one - that once the baby is out you won't feel the contractions, so if they turn the pitocin up to say, 800, it won't hurt, even when 18 hurt like hell a few hours before.


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## AtThePark (Aug 27, 2004)

I wasn't prepared for the emotional vulnerability that hit.

I was always this very outspoken, I-know-what-I-want person but BAM my son was born and I can see how people get reailroaded into switching to formula, circumcizing and anything else. They could have told me I had to hang my son upside and I would have done it. Luckily I had really done my research and knew what I wanted but the day he was born I would have signed my life over had I been asked to.

For me I was surprised that recovery and the whole deal was so easy. I had a c-sec because my son was a footling breech and so I had no choice and no labor. The procedure was painless, fast and I was off pain meds at home 3 days later, out and about in the neighborhood within a week. Granted I had huge boobs and ran a fever due to my oversupply. The loss of a vaginal, natural birth was something that hit later and that I still work with all the time as I try to TTC #2 - but other than being alarmingly surreal - my son's birth was painless (physically) and recovery was fine but smelly!

The dh working through thing is still happening in my house - it's been 2 years for us and still haven't gotten to a really good place yet - but I married him for life not just for this year and last year and I trust the ebb and flow of all things. Just looking for a little flow.

ATP


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## sketcher (Jun 28, 2005)

what a great thread...

I never realized that when the books talked about 6 weeks of recovery (and lochia) they meant it.

I also didn't realize that I would be dealing with my healing and post-birth pains, breastfeeding challenges, sleep deprivation, changes to our marriage, and extreme emotional swings ALL at the SAME TIME!

I also didn't know that birth could really be a fun, not just miraculous, experience-- even with all the hard and scary parts.


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## eqleslie (May 4, 2004)

No one told me that sex would be so difficult afterwards because of breastfeeding. At like 6 months postpartem I still could hardly have sex, even with lots of lubrication because it burned and felt like it wouldn't stretch. I finally went to a lady Dr. about it and she gave me premarin cream to rub down there and it really helped, BUT it also made me start to have a period and gave me my first clogged ducts so I stopped using it after about a week. I then went back to her and she told me that wasn't possible because it's such a low dose of estrogen BLAH! I have to say that I'm very sensitive to hormones.... I am now going to a midwife that I really like with baby #2 and she said it's perfectly normal to not be able to have sex like a normal person for up to a year postpartem. Great.... after my husband thinking horrible things about me and me thinking there was something permanently wrong with me because of my yucky Dr. for ds#1. Just so you know


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## ScotiaSky (Jul 2, 2004)

Having a vaccum delivery hurts more then any other part of labour or delivery.(for me at least)

Delivering the placenta felt really really good







:

That having a bowel movement for the next 4-6 weeks will be more painful and scary then almost any contraction..so bad that DP has to hold your hand. I can thank a 4th degree epistomy and tear for that.

The first few weeks you leak out of almost every opening of your body some kind of fluid..I am surpised my ears didn't leak something. And you will never feel more unattractive in your life.

That after 6 weeks of lochia and EBF almost hourly for months your period would still return at 12 week PP and like clockwork every 26-28 days after that. No rest for the weary.

Hmm all for now.


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## shelley4 (Sep 10, 2003)

that reminded me of something too.. both my kids were EBF for over 6 months, every 2 hours, (at least! usually more often!), day and night.. and with my 1st, my cycles returned at 5 1/2 months PP, and with my 2nd, 7 months PP. the really odd thing is, with my first, the cycles were really regular "normal" (for me), 28 days, exactly... and with my 2nd, my cycles are still screwed up.. some 15 days, some 32 days! i swear if i get PG again any time soon, it will be hard for me to get a good EDD, i know my LMP, but the cycle lengths are screwy







didn't know that could happen!


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## mamabeca (Oct 3, 2004)

Yeah, I'll second the pooping thing. It sucks. It sucked worse after my first - it was a good week before I'd poop, and even then it was a half crouching tongue biting affair. UG. Better and faster recover after my first.

That position of the BABY is a HUGE factor in how well, fast, easy your labor and delivery are. And the mother has NOTHING to do with it! She could maybe work with the baby and try to swap around a breach into a vertex presentation, but that's about it. Youneed an EXCELLENT really skilled and very experienced doctor/midwife to get babies to come out easily if they are in a tough position. Mostly, you need a LOT of support and not a lot of interference.

That you shoud stay in BED for 3 days after birth, whether you want/need to or NOT! I took 2 days and on the third went downstairs and I now wish I'd kept that 3rd day for just my me and my son. We both were still quite tired. We were only downstairs for a few hours, maybe four, but it was too much. And looking back, we can't get those hours back, but we could easily have put them off for a few days...


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## jmhammond (Mar 30, 2005)

gosh, there is so much. I had a great birth, and love my son so much, but it just feels like I have learned SO much after his birth, that could I do it over, I would do things differently.

I wish someone had told me that:

YOU MIGHT HAVE TO HAVE YOUR PLACENTA MANUALLY REMOVED. OW!

6 weeks is an ESTIMATE (I bled for 9!!!!!!)

how my first emergency trip to Target wouldn't be for diapers, but for BREAST PADS.

I'll ditto pushing=pooping and BF difficulties.

Most of all, I wish someone had told me how emotional talking about and reliving the experience would make me for MONTHS. I still get really choked up. I keep trying to write my birth story and just end up in tears. It wasn't horrible at all (unmedicated, hospital birth) just SO emotional. And DANG, I love this baby. I mean LOVE. I know you know what I mean. Is it possible to love #2 this much?


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## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jmhammond*
Is it possible to love #2 this much?

I was so scared it wouldn't be but #2 was sooooo easy to love. It was almost overwhelming. Like I said in a pp, it took a little time to develop those feelings with dd1 but with dd2 they were instantly there. And somehow those feelings didn't detract from my feelings for dd1 at all. Amazing how that works.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jmhammond*
Is it possible to love #2 this much?

Yes.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I wish someone would have told me:

that every emotion is intensified postpartum

that you can feel sexier and more in love with your partner than ever

that sex could feel totally normal and painless 3 weeks after giving birth (soooo glad I didn't torture myself and wait the arbitraty "6 weeks"







)

that although I was totally prepared for painful sensations in my vagina that all the pain would be concentrated in my butt- feeling like I am going to rip apart due to a giant poop :LOL

that I would walk like a penguin for the first 4-5 days

that although the afterpains were bad, I wouldn't care because I would just be thankful to not be in labor anymore

that PP bleeding can stop, and start back, and stop, and start back (especially if you climb 3 flights of stairs 2 weeks PP)

to expect to do nothing but nurse all day for about 5 weeks

to expect to wake up in the middle of the night laying on a sheet that has been soaked through with milk and still have my breast feel like sore rocks

that a colicky baby can be born to even the mellowest parents

that my breastfeeding breasts would look so darn good

that even though things are hectic to make sure to take lots of pictures and use the video camera! before you know it the dust has settled and the baby is 4 months old!


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## anudi01 (Aug 11, 2004)

That I would loose so much hair









I don't even have enough to begin with, WAH.


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## Stacymom (Jul 7, 2002)

-you could have contractions that don't hurt and still be in labor.

-that people do actually give birth in cars on the side of the freeway







:

-that when you start feeling hysterical at the thought of having to deal with one more contraction, you are probably in transition, and it shouldn't be that much longer.

-that your body knows exactly what to do- that my body would have pushed out my baby whether or not I conciously helped!

-that birthing a baby (with or without medications, or a hospital for that matter) would be so incredibly empowering and life changing.

-that I would so much rather tear than be cut. (I had an episiotomy with my first birth, and tore through to my rectum, and up through my clit and urethra with my second- they both healed at the same rate!)

-that unless I have a huge, life threatening emergency, I will never see an ob/gyn again.


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## fiddledebi (Nov 20, 2003)

-That you should plan for a natural, unmedicated birth, but ALSO know what you would want if something should go wrong and you need medical help. We weren't at all prepared for what to do if we needed interventions -- and trust me, we did.

-Ditto to what a pp said about losing tons of hair postpartum. Holy moly, that was weird and scary!

-That my child might really appear to hate her father as an infant. That having Daddy hold the baby for an hour when he came home from work would just NOT work, because baby would scream so hard that it would make dh and I cry too. That her dislike of my husband, her father, would break all of our hearts. And then, that within a few months, that problem would dissolve overnight, and now, at age 3, that she would be totally in love with her daddy.

-That I would be so satisfied, in the early weeks, by accomplishing the smallest tasks each day -- like unwrapping and putting away ONE baby gift.

-That I would be willing to put up with almost anyone I normally couldn't stand if they could hold my baby without her crying.

-That it was entirely possible for a baby to be generally miserable and hysterical for many months, then wake up one morning and be generally happy from then on!


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## shelley4 (Sep 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fiddledebi*
-That my child might really appear to hate her father as an infant. That having Daddy hold the baby for an hour when he came home from work would just NOT work, because baby would scream so hard that it would make dh and I cry too. That her dislike of my husband, her father, would break all of our hearts. And then, that within a few months, that problem would dissolve overnight, and now, at age 3, that she would be totally in love with her daddy.









my first born loved his daddy holding him from the start, where as my DD took at least 6 months for her to allow her daddy to hold her, even for moments... i could have her nursed and blissfully happy, and then when daddy wanted to hold her, it was instant screaming







poor daddy just wanted to hug his baby!


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

I am the oldest of nine born at home.

I recall seeing my mom and my newborn sibs.

No surprises here, except to say that *I* felt the labor and the baby was mine this time!

My four - all born at home.




































s


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## crunchyconmomma (Feb 6, 2003)

that mastitis is more likely in subsequent births just by virtue of being exhausted and it "ain't no fun" chasing older kids and nurturing a newborn while laid up with the ickies......









BUT that a compress soaked in castor oil between the breast and a heating pad helps the blockage tremedously and reduces the likelihood of it recurring in the same spot.


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

Kate, I didn't know that about the castor oil....interesting!

And what are the "piles" (in relation to after birth)??


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## WinterBaby (Oct 24, 2002)

No one mentioned that seeing my husband become the most amazing father would make him sexier than he'd ever been


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## crunchyconmomma (Feb 6, 2003)

emmajean: yeah, an ND taught that to us (circle of friends), something about the plug being equated to scar tissue in a sense and the castor oil helps to break that up and that if you don't do something to "break it up" the body will more prone to plugs in the same spot...curious stuff, huh? mind over matter??? who knows! it has worked for me either way!


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## Full Heart (Apr 27, 2004)

No one told me that your ribs can hurt from the baby using them to push off on during birth. Thought I broke something!

No one told me you could get an anal fisure pp. That was a lovely surpirse







: .

No one told me about SPD - its like some big hidden secret. Oh that pelvic pain is normal my butt.

No one told me how hungry I would be immediatly after giving birth.

No one told me how thirsty you get bfing.

No one told me that sometimes bfing is hard because the baby doesn't know how to suck.

No one told me that afterbirth pains can actually _not_ get worse with each one







A little hope for you ladies. #5 pp pains didn't hurt at all. Which was quite the relief after I passed out from the pain with #4.

No one told me that using those awful disposible pads pp can dry you out like a desert. I finally got smart with #5 and switched to cloth pp and no more dryness!

No one told me I would pass out from exhaustion each time I would bfed because the hormones make you totally relax. Maybe thats just me though.

No one told me that you could have freaky waking dreams the first few days pp.

No one told me you could have too much milk.

No one told me that babies can spit up out their nose lol.

No one told me how sick you can get with mastitis.

Ditto the shakes and night sweats and scary bms.

Funny this isn't really making me look forward to giving birth again lol.

Michelle


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WinterBaby*
No one mentioned that seeing my husband become the most amazing father would make him sexier than he'd ever been


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## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

I wish someone had told me that you might not feel it when you tear. I didn't feel it at all when it happened. Everything was completely healed and "fully functional" by 3 weeks post-partum.

My entire body was sore after giving birth, the muscles in my arms, legs, abdomen - wow! I think it was the biggest workout my body ever had. The rest of my body was much more sore than my yoni was.


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## bobica (May 31, 2004)

No one told me that my whole body would hurt, either! My arms kept falling asleep when i held dd for the first day









No one told me that 3 months of partial bedrest (more like house arrest) would do so much damage to my muscle tone, stamina, endurance, etc, that i'd be physically EXHAUSTED from walking up a flight of stairs even months after giving birth.

No one told me how much i'd want to hibernate & not have any visitors AT ALL after giving birth, especially once i was home. If i ever have another baby, we're putting a sign on the door with a picture of a sleeping baby telling people to go away


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## mirlee (Jul 30, 2002)

that you can tell people to go away and stop telling you how YOU feel and that you are in pain. The only reason I let them do an epidural was because the stress of having people telling me I was in pain was pissing me off and that made the pain difficult to handle. To this day, dh acts like my savior over this! I didn't want meds and was doing fine.

that I really should have trusted my own instincts

that my cathererator would cause me to get UTIs at the drop of a hat later

that Chinese food with a good mamma friend full of love and support is the best medicine. My friend was so amazing. She was supportive, and even though she was never able to b'feed, she had fabulous tips that made a large difference the first couple of days.


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## Bippity (Sep 12, 2003)

Nobody told me that the "baby blues" weren't just crying over the baby. Sounds dumb, but I was surprised when I found myself crying because my hubby wasn't home quick enough from the groc. store.


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## mommyofshmoo (Oct 25, 2004)

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this-

But no one told me that after having a baby, you kinda smell bad for a while. I think it has to do with all the hormones breaking down and being excreted through the skin.

I forgot about being stinky untill I was near another new mom who was exercising and noticed her being kinda ripe. Then I remembered it. I don't remember how long it lasted, but it seems like there was at least a week there where I couldn't take enough showers!

Weird, huh?


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bobica*
No one told me that 3 months of partial bedrest (more like house arrest) would do so much damage to my muscle tone, stamina, endurance, etc, that i'd be physically EXHAUSTED from walking up a flight of stairs even months after giving birth.

No "house arrest" for me, but you did just remind me how out of shape I felt for a few months after the baby. I remember taking walks and having to tell my husband to slow down, and wondering if I'd ever get my old healthy-feeling body back.


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## hollyhobbie (Jun 13, 2002)

oh yeah that dh thing...
me and dh werent together that long when i got pg. and he inititally said he did not want kids at all. but he did agree to be my baby's daddy etc etc. so after the baby was born, i was actually CONFUSED as to why he wanted to hold her so much. or was willing to be the first to change her poopy diaper! i was looking for a reason other than the fact that he was absolutely in love with her! maybe even more than i was in the very beginning since i was out to lunch for a bit with the extra good natural drugs my body produced!!

i was so consumed with the idea of motherlove that i didnt realise the daddylove thing could be so strong.

when i was considering ttc #2, i never worried about my vagina/uterus etc but the thought of my butt (hem-a-roids) having to go through the birth process made me think twice!! piles are just another name for this lovely experience. piles of grapes on your butt or something like that!! i could go for accupuncture and talked about it but ya know, at the end of the day, i just cant get up there on the table and get needles stuck in my butt.


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## anonymommy (Aug 13, 2004)

They don't put the needles in your butt.


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## Mama to 4 (Jun 1, 2005)

Man, I love this thread, but it is making me scarrrrrrrrrred again!!!! (Due in October!)

the things no one told me that I had to learn the hard way:
Baby number one:
Afterpains! I was weeping when I nursed in the hospital and all they said was "Do you wanna sleeping pill?"

The whole Milk-Coming-In thing.........She was born and nursing away Monday tuesday wednesday thursday........but Friday morning there was something terribly terribly wrong, my boobs were growing and hardening before my very eyes, she couldnt latch anymore, I felt like I had cement implants, my pulse was racing, I was so scared!!! She would nurse alittle and pull away coughing and spitting and it was spraying all over the place...........definately no one tells it to ya like that!

that I would feel so skinny and awesome right away, even though i was all smooshy, just to have that baby out, and my ankles back, i thought i was the hottest mama ever : )

That you nurse almost most of the hour, every hour, for the first weeks---I didnt really have a problem with it, but boy o boy did the wierd family and friends have an earful to say (I was 22 and the first friend or family to have a baby let alone breastfeed, so since i was lame enough to have people over at all during those hideous/precious first weeks, they felt i was fair game to inspect and try to destroy-- i honestly dont know how i made it through!!)

That newborns poo and poo and poo like every 15 minutes! At least mine did!

Sweating and flooding the bed and being so so so leaky, just everything is just gross and drippy, and taking a shower, ok, sure, you know you need one but the baby screams because you dared to take a shower, the hot water and the standing makes you goosh more blood, the baby makes you leak more milk, you sure cant dry your hair so even that is wet, there is just a wet and messy thing going on that maybe just maybe a full time laundry helper could barely keep up with. the pads the towels the cloths the diapers the bras the outfits it is all such a mess at first.

Baby number 2, C-section: what i learned about c-sections the VERY HARD WAY:

They lay you out buck naked and strap your arms down like an actual crucifix. Then you get the drapes. But for a little bit you are t o t a l l y N a k e d.

that you can puke and puke and puke during the whole surgery, being terrified that you will lurch too much and they will slip with their knives

that it takes like 2 minutes for the baby to get carved out but they sew you up for almost 3 HOURS, and your baby is gone and you puke and puke and shake and you are all alone

that on day 3 they take away your IV painkillers and you are in big big trouble if you need to move more than one centimeter but they leave you alone with your baby way over there in his little plastic bed and when he screams for you you cant even turn enough to press the nurse button but you still try but you rip all your staples and they yell at you that he just nursed.

that your feet swell up so badly that you wish for your old 9 months preg feet back!!

that they starve you for three days afterwards "to prevent gas"

that your belly will be numb yet itchy for 4 1/2 years

that i would look so huge and swollen and pregnant afterwards.

that going from 1 kid to 2 would be SOOOOOO HARD, i couldnt figure out how to go the grocery store, take a shower, make one decent meal, nothin for months and months!

Baby number 3, homebirth

That natural regular labor can be so so so so so painful.

That a modest, reserved person (me!) would end up being exactly like those naked ladies in the birth videos, crawlin' around my house mooing and moaning on my hands and knees without one single thought of midwife or DH looking at my big ole butt and god knows what else --- not even a little bra, nightie, nothin : ) I dont even remember how it happened! I think i took a shower in early labor and just fell out of the bathroom and remained nude...

that instead of bleeding for 9 weeks i bled for 4 days because i actually stayed in my bed.

that when you arent filled with wierd drugs your milk comes in much faster, as in 2 days not five.

that going from 2 kids to 3 wasnt that hard, in fact it felt really really good.

What i am learning in preg#4 already!
that when you need the most help people think you are an old pro or something and you dont get any!

that i could get hemmoroids so early in pregnancy

that i could get the pubis pain thing so early in pregnancy

SIGH!


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## HerthElde (Sep 18, 2003)

Oh, you reminded me with the swelling thing!
-that an IV can make your entire body puffy for a couple days
-that you can burst a LOT of blood vessels in your eyes and face while pushing so you look like you have measles or something


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## onlyboys (Feb 12, 2004)

God, this is a frightening thread!

I don't even know what to contribute. Most of what I learned "the hard way" was all about how evil intervention is...


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## Katie Bugs Mama (Feb 1, 2004)

For me the big shock was how hard it was to push out the placenta. Everything that I'd read or learned in my Bradley class glossed over that part. In reality, after 12+ hours of back labor and 3 hours of pushing out the baby, I had nothing left over for pushing out the placenta. When the midwife told me to keep pushing, I just said no. I literally couldn't do it.


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## Mama to 4 (Jun 1, 2005)

Ohmigosh yes! The placenta!!! After 2 hospital births where i was numb and the doctors somehow handled that part (sad and wierd, i know) I was SHOCKED about birthing the placenta! You want to be all blissed out with your baby and instead, back to more labor! It hurt! It took a long time and I just couldnt couldnt deal with it! It really sucked and until it was over I must confess that I barely cared about the baby, I was in too much pain!

They really really dont tell you that one, even in some of the more natural books on birth, it is like "Um yes and then the placenta is delivered"

VERY UNDERREPORTED


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## 2+twins (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama to 4*
that I would feel so skinny and awesome right away, even though i was all smooshy, just to have that baby out, and my ankles back, i thought i was the hottest mama ever : )

Oh, I totally forgot about that. I remember distinctly after dc1 that I caught a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror and was stunned. I came out of the bathroom and said to my dh, "look at me - I'm hot!" :LOL Honestly I think I looked about 5-6 months pregnant, but after being so huge for so long it _felt_ really thin!









Also I thought of another one yesterday while watching The Price is Right...

You loose all control of emotions (at least I have). 4 1/2 years after my first and 20+ months after my second, I still cry at the drop of a hat. Like when the guy on The Price is Right won $11,500 on Plinko! I swear, it filled me with tears. I cry at EVERYTHING now! Ya know that part in the Lion King where they're singing Hakuna Matata and there's the transition part where Simba transforms from a kid to an adult lion while walking across that log singing "hakuna matata hakuna mata hakuna mata"??? Gets me every time - even when just listening to the soundtrack! Why? Because having kids makes you insane!!!







:


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## ashleep (Jul 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dharmama*
thought of one more....

no one told me (or if they did, i didn't pay attention) how hard introducing a baby can be on the marriage relationship.

we're just over a year postpartum now and life is really good







but oh man...those first few months....sleep deprivation...adjusting to life as a SAHM...dh working crazy hours...dd screaming if anyone other than me tried to hold her...each of us feeling that we were working so much harder than the other (i.e. me: "at least you get to go to work!" him: "at least you don't have to go to work!")

we had some ugly days before we stopped fighting/challenging/resenting each other and really started to work together.

yes, that was a big one for me. Nothing he did for months was right. I actually disliked him for awhile







It's better now but it was really tough.

I also didn't know that back labor could happen even if the baby is anterior. OUCH! I don't even remember feeling anything in my abdomen, just my back

The icky-drippy-ness of sweat/milk/lochia.


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## Belle (Feb 6, 2005)

Nobody told me about nightsweats and since it was over 100 degreees for two weeks after she was born I attributed it to that. Now that I think about it I'm sure I would have been hot no matter what.

Nobody told be the "baby blues" did not necessarily mean I would be unhappy. I could be so super happy and bawling my eyes out.

Somebody told me that post partum pains hurt, but I didn't really believe her. They hurt more than actual labor.

I'd heard that love at first sight was a myth, that to not feel disappointed if I didn't fall in love with my dd right away. That was wrong, as soon as I laid eyes on her I loved her instantly.

Somebody told me that BFing hormones relax you. I didn't realize that meant BFing had a sedative effect. Two minutes after latching on my eyes would be rolling back in my head. I would get sooooo sleepy.

Nobody told me I might actually enjoy labor. I'd go through labor again ten times over not to have to endure 9 months (or so) of barfing several times a day.

Nobody told me that time has no meaning to a laboring woman. I was stuck in the now and at the time it didn't occur to me that I was pushing a baby out. Some of my first reactions to when she came out were
"That's it!"
"OMG There's a baby!"
"Why are my Mom and dh crying?"
"There's a baby"
"OMG! Look what I did!"
"There's a baby" :LOL


----------



## sabros (Nov 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMomof3*
Things I wish people would've told me:

3. (most importantly to ME) you can pass clots that are the size of the palm of your hand postpartum. I was told that if I passed anything larger than a quarter to call doctor. Well, 3 weeks PP at 3am I passed a huge clot and called my OB's after hours line and was told to go directly to the ER. Needless to say, I was crying thinking that I was bleeding to death and the ER docs told me it was normal.









:

I nearly did the same thing! I passed a palm-sized clot (or bunch of clots, whatever it was) a week or two PP and was very alarmed. I called my doctor too, and she just saw me in the a.m. and acted like it was no big deal. Wish I'd have known!


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:

Sweating and flooding the bed and being so so so leaky, just everything is just gross and drippy, and taking a shower, ..., the hot water and the standing makes you goosh more blood, the baby makes you leak more milk, you sure cant dry your hair so even that is wet, there is just a wet and messy thing going on.
Yes! So sticky and stinky!

I couldn't beleive how quickly my body shape went back to normal, like my baby had never even been inside me. I miss my belly!!!!


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

For my first birth (OB-attended elective induction w/ epidural @ hosp.) I couldn't believe NO ONE had mentioned the fact that when the baby is coming, it feels like a bowling ball is lodged in that little opening of the pelvis. C'mon ladies, stick your hands under your sit bones, and THINK ABOUT THAT...that yep, a head was just hangin' out there, about to be born. Profound.

I was shocked at my immidiate post-partum pain....a strange, deep, hollow gnawingness in the core of my being--turns out I was just outragiously hungry, having been NPO for the past 20 hours. And there was no "dinner" for me, what with my child born at 7:02 p.m. I ate my breakfast the next am though, you can belive that! (And THAT is another example of why I think hopsitals are sub-optimum locations to give birth.)

After my second birth (mw-attended homebirth) I wish my mws would've told me that I'd be sequestered upstairs, in my room, for a week. I know they made that "rule" to help my perineal tear heal, and probably really to keep me away from my kitchen, my 2-year-old, the laundry, etc. But it was a suprise at the time (yet a babymoon I shall always cherish!!!!!!!)

This was mentioned before, and I did learn this during my second post-partum, but if a woman relaxes, rests, and allows the interior of the womb to heal, lochia time is greatly reduced. The womb has a big ol' soft scab going on inside of it, and all that bending, dishwasher-loading, picking something up off the floor, etc. (let alone crazy things like grocery shopping! For shame, mamas!) will cause that scab to loosen, and ta da, more blood, and yes, sure, you can make that last 6 weeks, not relaxing the way you should (and indeed I am aware of the American Lifestyle and lack of proper post-partum support in the form of mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunties, neighbors, etc. that should be available to allow for a leisurely recovory.)

This thread isn't scary, in my opinion--it's a testimony to the amazing power and capacity of a woman's body. We are warriors, and we have been to the peak of the summit, and we have given everything, emotionally and physically, because we had a baby. And it's so easy to forget these 'negative' elements, when we look at our kiddos, running around.

If we were soldiers, just think--we'd have cool ribbons and insignia and stuff pinned to our uniforms. Like, we'd see the purple ribbon with the stripe and know, hey, you had hellish backlabor, or a blue-red ribbon signifiying VBAC or whatever. That'd be cool. Instead of hangin' at the VFW we'd be at the VHB (Veterans of Hosptial Births) patting each other on the back.


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## paloma (Feb 24, 2004)

. . .that you can wipe yourself after and lose the toilet paper!


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## paloma (Feb 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wannabe*
Yes! So sticky and stinky!

I couldn't beleive how quickly my body shape went back to normal, like my baby had never even been inside me. I miss my belly!!!!

AAAAW, shucks, you can have my belly!


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## heldt123 (Aug 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Belle*
Nobody told me I might actually enjoy labor. I'd go through labor again ten times over not to have to endure 9 months (or so) of barfing several times a day.









:

I can't say as I actually _enjoyed_ labor and delivery, but with my first, I would most certainly have gone through labor once for every month of being sick if I could have!

Oh yeah, and I learned that one day after you deliver you may wake up looking like Dolly Parton because your milk came and and your hubby will be drooling all over you, but your boobs hurt soo bad that the thought of anyone touching them sends you into a psycotic rage! :LOL


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## melixxa (May 20, 2003)

The first time:

NIGHT SWEATS! I notice everyone seems to mention this. Why wasn't it in any of the 30 birthing books I read?

Constant milk leaking. The fact that the smell of lochia would make me sick (NOTHING like a menstrual smell). The fact that, after a few months, you have the same amount of milk but your breasts no longer get big and hard. And the leaking eventually stops.

This time and last: Postpartum acne, all over my arms and shoulders. I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere and it's baffling (and now, with my pp brain, I can't remember when it went away last time). I can only assume it's hormonal - I've never had acne before - and just wish I could read about it somewhere so I knew how to treat it.

About a c-section:
What's weird is that some people talk about it as Major Abdominal Surgery! and pamper you a bit, consider you in pain, etc. Whereas others expect you to be able to roll over and get up right away, to forego drugs, to be back to normal in no time. People's reactions (from hospital staff to friends in real life) run the gamut. And so (this in retrospect) it's really important to gauge how *YOU* personally feel, how much you're up to, etc. instead of relying on professional/external responses. Does that make sense?


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teachinmaof3*
That you can have a cervical/uterine prolapse!!

And that the results of that could be incontinance (both kinds







: ) Disgusting but true, physical therapy helped, which involved alot of pilates movements...Who knew?...all better now


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyshoes*
If we were soldiers, just think--we'd have cool ribbons and insignia and stuff pinned to our uniforms. Like, we'd see the purple ribbon with the stripe and know, hey, you had hellish backlabor, or a blue-red ribbon signifiying VBAC or whatever. That'd be cool. Instead of hangin' at the VFW we'd be at the VHB (Veterans of Hosptial Births) patting each other on the back.


Thanks for the milk coming out of my nose!! :LOL

I think you are right on, though! Theoretical question: how would the experience of childbirth be different if men participated in labor and birthing? More intervention (i.e., listening to those idiots who think all women simply need c/s), or more support (visiting doulas every day for the first month and a year's paid maternity leave)?


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## stafl (Jul 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama to 4*
Ohmigosh yes! The placenta!!! After 2 hospital births where i was numb and the doctors somehow handled that part (sad and wierd, i know) I was SHOCKED about birthing the placenta! You want to be all blissed out with your baby and instead, back to more labor! It hurt! It took a long time and I just couldnt couldnt deal with it! It really sucked and until it was over I must confess that I barely cared about the baby, I was in too much pain!

They really really dont tell you that one, even in some of the more natural books on birth, it is like "Um yes and then the placenta is delivered"

VERY UNDERREPORTED









That was not my experience at all. After my baby nursed a while, I felt the urge to push (I think I'd had a few contrax in between, but no urge to push with them). I gave a little push, and it felt like a big loogie slipping out of me. No pain at all. Overly managed labor, delivery, and afterbirth is what causes most of these horror stories we are reading on this thread. If women are allowed to trust their instincts, things are so much easier, less painful, and recovery is so much faster. For example, my lochia only lasted two days after my natural birth, but nearly two months after my cesarean!

I was terrified to poop after my vbac, but the day after baby was born, I pooped no problem and it didn't hurt or anything (wiping, well, that's a different story, I think I refilled my peri-bottle three times rinsing my bottom after that first poop). It's like pushing a baby out taught me how to poop better, too. Just relax,open up, and let your body do the work for you. Nobody told me *that* :LOL


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## Pepper (Jan 25, 2004)

Quote:

It's like pushing a baby out taught me how to poop better, too. Just relax,open up, and let your body do the work for you. Nobody told me *that*








:

and this...

Quote:

This thread isn't scary, in my opinion--it's a testimony to the amazing power and capacity of a woman's body. We are warriors, and we have been to the peak of the summit, and we have given everything, emotionally and physically, because we had a baby. And it's so easy to forget these 'negative' elements, when we look at our kiddos, running around.

If we were soldiers, just think--we'd have cool ribbons and insignia and stuff pinned to our uniforms. Like, we'd see the purple ribbon with the stripe and know, hey, you had hellish backlabor, or a blue-red ribbon signifiying VBAC or whatever. That'd be cool. Instead of hangin' at the VFW we'd be at the VHB (Veterans of Hosptial Births) patting each other on the back.
is about the truest thing I've ever read














:


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## lilith_382 (Jul 24, 2005)

How the pain quadruples when your water breaks

How much better it feels to move around

How good it feels to yell and growl

How sweatly you are for weeks after

Cramping while breastfeeding

How inept you will feel in caring for a new baby, and that 'instinct' only goes so far


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

That's funny about birth teaching you to poop better, b/c for me it was the opposite. I basically imagined myself doing a big bm to use the right muscles to push my babies out. :LOL


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

So, I am late to this thread, but I learned ... that nurses can and will look you right in the eyes and lie. And that even professional caregivers can be incredibly ignorant about birth.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bippity*
Nobody told me that the "baby blues" weren't just crying over the baby. Sounds dumb, but I was surprised when I found myself crying because my hubby wasn't home quick enough from the groc. store.

Yeah!

I cried because the washing machine broke and I had two babies in diapers.

































:


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## dis (May 21, 2005)

No one told me that after the birth I'd be so ravenously hungry that I would have cheerfully knawed my husband's arm off if he hadn't, luckily for him, had a bagel with him to use to fend me off!

I think I was told, but didn't really understand, how intense transition would be (of course, I dilated from 3 to full in 45 minutes after my water broke, so intense is probably an understatement!).

No one told me that pushing could feel good. After the pain of transition, I could have pushed all day long. And no one told me that I would be able to feel the baby in the birth canal; with each push I could feel her head descend, then retreat again at the end of the contraction. Once I figured out the two steps forward - one step back rythym, she was born really quickly.


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## JanetF (Oct 31, 2004)

That having a wellknown midwife, your dp and a doula don't mean you'll be safe when you transfer to the hospital where you have a backup booking and they have a home birth liaison office. Newsflash, people, hospitals lie!

That PTSD can cause you to suicide - or at least want to - and even though my son was born nearly 2 years ago and I've done heaps of work processing, I still grieve my birthrape.

But all the physical stuff? Wowee. I had none of that. I had a c-sec, only took panadol and was back home the same day as the op.

Go figure!


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## Persephone (Apr 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *applejuice*
Yeah!

I cried because the washing machine broke and I had two babies in diapers.

































:


Heck, that'd make me cry, and I wouldn't even have to have baby blues!


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## Hey Mama! (Dec 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2julia*
How long a extended prodomal labor actually could be.. *(we're talking about several days over here)

oh gosh yes, it lasted over a week for me! I was ready to ask for some pit to get it into gear...luckily my midwife was so darn supportive.


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## ChelseaG (Oct 29, 2004)

Well, a mere 14 days after the birth of my first babe, here is what I wasn't prepared for:
-that you could tear on the upper, inside area of your vagina - I thought the only place I had to worry about was the perenium
-that the shoulders would hurt worse than pushing the head out
-that I could begin labor and have contractions already be 4 min apart!
-that I would cry every time I looked at dd - just overwhelmed at the love I feel for her


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## Full Heart (Apr 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChelseaG*
-that I could begin labor and have contractions already be 4 min apart!

When I had my first that would have been nice to know. Of course I was already well dialated but I didn't know that meant you would immediatly go into hard labor. I told dh if this is early labor I am never going to be able to do the hard stuff. Luckily my mother was there and she could tell by the sounds I was making it would be soon.

Michelle


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## mama_b (Dec 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~*~MamaJava~*~*
That it's possible to survive 17 hrs of back labour, but it ain't pretty.
I wish my Dr would have told me that DS was posterior - I would have looked into ways to help turn him and deal with that specific kind of pain.

Me too. Not even the tub helped me with the pain. I ended up with an epi because of this.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

First birth (midwife; hospital; natural)

- that I would be STARVING hungry
- that the hospital doesn't have any food available at 4:45 am
- that I would get 'roids so badly
- that labour doesn't always follow what you're taught in classes and books
- that labour can still be real, even if the ctx aren't steady or regular
- that back labour is the worst pain I could ever feel
- that the "ring of fire" - IS

Second birth (unassisted, home, waterbirth)

- that waterbirth really IS as amazing as people say it is
- that *I* can birth without a doctor or midwife telling me how
- that my body is absolutely the most incredible thing there is
- that the afterpains would be so bad they'd make me cry
- that I would love having my son (2 yrs old) right there with me
- that labour can start by having ctx about 1 1/2 minutes apart, and end with a babe in arms in under 2 hours.


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## FitMama (Jul 20, 2003)

Ditto to the impact a newborn has on a marriage. It was a very difficult adjustment for us, but happily, everything improved.

Ditto to the weepiness that comes with being a mom. DS loves Finding Nemo and darn it if that movie doesn't make me cry every time. I'm such a lightweight now.

Ditto to the overwhelming love I feel when I look at my precious son. How can I love someone SOOOO much?

I wish someone had told me that I might deliver my forebag of waters intact, and that it would make me feel like pushing, even though I knew I wasn't complete. I was so freaked out, I thought maybe it was cord prolapse because I felt something emerging from me and I knew it wasn't the baby. I was standing up at the time, sort of leaning over the bed, and I looked down to see this huge, stretched out, water balloon coming out. It broke on the floor and splashed at my feet. That was my "water breaking" experience. Weird.

I wish I had know that recovery was way worse than L&D. I could endure L&D drug-free, but was desperate for pain killers to deal with that healing tear.

I wish I had known how miserable a nursing strike could be (not really post partum, but some warning would have been nice!).


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

fitma, we watched nemo daily when Lily was born! It's all James wanted to watch and I said "whatever"









ditto recovery. "birth" has a beginning and and end, but recovery is a different story!


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## Spring Sun (Jul 30, 2005)

1. That it hurts soooo much to pee the first time
2. That you don't ever have to tear (and I didn't bc my midwife was so awesome!)
3. That you can forget about sleeping the first night bc your awareness of this new little life equals that of superman.
4. That a sitz bath is like heaven when you are drinking a nice warm glass of postpartum tea.
5. That you can take an actual bath
6. That it can go reeeallllyyy fast the first time and reaaallly early (like 5 hours long and one week early!)
Good luck all you new mamas! It was the greatest day of my life giving birth to Elijah.


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## darsmama (Jul 23, 2004)

~That you can be in labor and birth a baby on contractions that are only 2-3 minutes apart and only last 30-45 seconds!
~That your tail bone can feel like someone broke it after the baby was born even when you were off your back for the birth...
~That your butt can hurt so much - why!? Mine hurts worse then anything. It feels like someone took out my intestines and jammed them back in wrong with a hot poker.
How much I love the milk/sweat smell..Maybe gross, but I do love it








~That, ideally not giving your babe a wipedown after birth is very gentle, by day 2 in the July heat they will smell like your genatalia does after a couple days of not showering..Not pleasant.
~ That its ok to not feel like holding your baby 1/2 hour after birth. You need to regroup yourself too!


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

Thought I'd add: how much better birth can be when you're not afraid of it. My experience with #2 was 100% better than my experience with #1 (which wasn't that horrible) because I was excited, brave, and mentally ready. Before #1 I wouldn't have said that I was afraid, but I was. And when I was in labour I was nervous and tense. Not a good thing.

I wish someone would have told me about postpartum anxiety as well.


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

BTW: Congratulations, Katie!


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darsmama*
How much I love the milk/sweat smell..Maybe gross, but I do love it

















oh mama you can say that again.









new baby plus milky breath plus new baby sweat = heaven.


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## Nickarolaberry (Dec 24, 2001)

Heh, good thread (especially since I"m due imminently, lol...luckily for you all with #3!)

Birth 1:

1) Labor actually does really hurt
2) An episiotomy might have to be surgically repaired...twice...OUCH!
3) Never trust an OB who says, "do you want me to break your water" with the hook already halfway up
4) Don't send baby to the nursery for the requisite hour alone because someone might give her a HepB shot without your consent







:
5) Breastfeeding might be natural but it isn't always intuitive...and the "lactation nurse" at the hospital might not know what the heck she's talking about (enter LLL)

6) You might have a weird hormonal reaction and get the runs while night nursing for the first few weeks (ICKY!)
7) Those ice packs they give you in the hospital for your privates are worth their weight in gold.

Birth 2:

1) GET A DOULA! Doulas rock!
2) You can have a pain-meds free birth even when pitocin-induced (due to high blood pressure 10 days postdue, and dates were sure - IVF babe)
3) You can totally freak the hospital staff out by giving birth backwards on the bed and making the OB crouch underneath you (i.e. when being told to turn around you can tell them to @#@$#@$ off) and by actually making noise during labor.
4) It's better not to give birth the night before the Big Blackout (so the babies had to stay in the nursery, the only place where they had a/c running)
5) Nurseries do not have comfortable chairs for new mommies to sit.

Birth 3:
NOT YET!
(this time have a midwife, hoping for a peaceful water birth!)


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

-I got a little too far into the "labor is hard work" idea and was really surprised when it hurt as much as it did.

-I never knew pushing would feel like I was trying to pass a bowling ball through my rectum.

-I didn't know my arms would be the most sore part of my body after giving birth.

-Of all the horrible things I read could happen during birth (and didn't), the one I never heard of did happen -- my labor and my cervix got out of sync with each other and I started transition contractions while my cervix was still at 3 cm and stayed in transition for 8 hours. Yikes!

-I never knew I could stay up all day and night just gazing at my baby after being in labor for 21 hours. I thought I would have been exhausted.

-I never knew I could be so afraid of going to the bathroom. (Although everything ended up working just fine.)

-I never knew the power of ignorance until I squatted to pick up my daughter about a week after she was born and two mamas who were visiting gasped and said I shouldn't have been able to do that. *shrug* I felt fine.









-I didn't know I would feel so vulnerable while in labor, and so good and powerful after giving birth. I was euphoric for weeks!


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## hookahgirl (May 22, 2005)

my arms were the worst too!! i had no pain anywhere but my arms and when i peed lol!!!!!!!


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## Pandora114 (Apr 21, 2005)

ooooh

- That it will feel like battery acid when you pee for the first time
- That Sposie pads SUCK for PP..can you say diaper rash?
- That I would get monster roids
- That I would puke
- That if someone asks you a question during a contraction, you look at them with a deer in the headlight look
- That You can have an orgasm while pushing







:
- That Cranberry juice is a huge no-no as a labour drink...*reffering back to the battery acid pee*
- That it's OK to yell and get vocal
- That Men *at least the Bio-idiot* are completely useless and retarded during labour can you say gomer? *NOTE: To the ladies who have had men as wonderful birth partners, I'm sorry, but IME, my mom's experience, my MIL's experience, Men are useless as breasts on a bull during labour*


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## MelissaRose (Oct 14, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eminer*
I think you need to add a note: Don't read if currently pregnant!

Pushing feeling like pooping was a big one for me, too. That would have clarified things A LOT.









I had a feeling maybe I shouldn't read this since I am pregnant, but I just can't help myself!









I *had* heard about the "pushing feeling like pooping" thing before though. Well I better read the rest of the thread so I can continue to torture myself with butterflies in the stomach and thoughts of "oh my gosh...oh...ack!" etc :LOL


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

That passing golfball sized clots is normal for the first day or two.









that everyone keeps telling you to rest but you are on such a high that you can't!


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## ChattyCat (Sep 7, 2004)

That despite doing everything "right," you could still be one of those rare women, whose baby physically does not fit through your pelvis.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FrumDoula*
I hate epidurals for the birth, but ya know, for the afterpains ..... well, there's an idea!









that's funny...that was my running joke the weeks following birth. recovery is SO much worse than delivery. ouch! it took me 1/2 hour to get out of bed and onto the toilet a few feet away....ouch, ouch, ouch! and i was terrified to push!! yikes!

i was also surprised how my *entire* body was in pain like i had been run over by a truck over and over. and that pain was still there at 6 weeks pp. especially in the hips.

oh and this is stupid and vain but i was surprised that i still looked nine months pregnant for a few days after ds had come out. no one even remotely ever mentioned that?


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## AnditheBee (Oct 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *valeria_vi*
I really thought that I was in pre-labor and that it could go on for days and did not realize it was the real thing. and I read so much about birth.

Same with me. Turns out when my water broke, I'd been in labor for over 2 days and didn't know.

Also, that laying on your back during labor makes the pain about twice as bad!!

And that cervical checks can be the most painful part of the whole dang process.







:


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

I have no idea if this one has been mentioned, but I've never heard of anyone else having it happen to, so I thought I'd add:

Your cervix can tear, even if you are 10cm and pushing exactly how you should be. Mine only needed 1 stitch, but having the doctors hand all the way up inside me when I was 16 years old was completely unreal!


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## Crunchier (Jun 26, 2003)

I was lucky that my mom spent the last 2 months of my pregnancy slowly feeding me most of these wierd details. Some of them I already knew, others I found a bit surprising.

*That newborns really can be too sleepy. I threw that info sheet away and wondered why anyone would wake a baby.

*That it would take me a week to find someone who actually knew something about BFing.

*That having ctx 3-5 minutes apart did NOT mean I was going to make any progress to speak of.

*That my pro-natural birth dh would totally cave on me repeatedly throughout the birth.

*That I would lose all control of the experience and my own body within 5 minutes of the first intervention.

*That I was allergic to MOST of the drugs I was given during my 200 interventions. Oops.


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## Squeakyneedle (Jul 11, 2005)

That your first born would suddenly look GINORMOUS when he visits you in the hospital after #2 is born. I wanted to ask Dh where my tiny little 3 year old was when he waltzed in with this huge man-child.

That you can feel like a first timer all over again when you plan your first birth center birth after 3 hospital births.

That even though your first 3 pregnancies were h*** on earth #4 can actually be good, with no morning sickness, and no kidney stones. And that it could still be another boy.

That you would be so in love with breastfeeding that you think about getting pregnant again just so you could have another wee babe to nurse.

That it is possible for breastfeeding to be easy.

That you would crave sleep more than sex. For a very, very long time. And that this craving begins in your second trimester.

That a relatively modest woman could suddenly care less if the nearest hospital orderly came in to deliver her baby as long as someone GETS IT OUT!

That it's ok to switch to a midwife in a freestanding birth center at the end of my second trimester because this birth is all about me and my baby.

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.


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## ms65442 (Dec 21, 2005)

So many memories here!

I didn't know:

* That I'd lose, literally, 3/4 of my hair. And it would take 2 years to look normal again. I cried everyday as I tried to do something with my wisps. If it happens again, I'm so shaving it.

* The shakes. Oh yes, the shakes.

* That, while pregnant and/or in labor, you're highly suggestible. My mom told me a story about her labor that haunted me and kept replaying in my mind over and over - and it wasn't even a bad one, just that it hurt riding in the truck to the hospital. But I took it and blew it up to gargantuan proportions and it made my labor take it's first turn for the worse.

* That, after a couple of months, I would get so tired of leaking, stale, sour milk smell that I would cry, every morning, when I woke to it.

* That's I'd be scared to change my ds's first diaper (I somehow thought I'd break him) and I'd ask his dad to do it.

* That BF'ing can go really easily.

* That all the stuff about hospital interventions leading to other interventions etc. is true.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

If perchance, you happen to have a skidmark/tear on your labia, that it'll hurt/itch/etc every time you climb the stairs... whether it's stitched or not.


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## vixy (Dec 23, 2005)

Wished someone had told me about the "softball" sized clots you could get after birth. This happened with my first child. I find it amusing now, but at the time I was showering after the birth and felt pressure of "something" coming out. Talk about being panicked lookin at this thing, I thought all kinds of horrible things. Then went to get out and tell the nurse and another came out lol.. I thought they left part of the after birth in me.. Thank God all was well LOL..


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

*What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?*

That both can be far simpler and easier than we try to make them be in this culture.

That it is not necessary to have an audience or have anyone *ever* touch my genitals during birth, and that it is inhibiting which affects the flow of hormones that regulate the birth process.

That having contractions doesn't mean birth is imminent, and that it is crucial to rest and sleep as much as possible during prodomal labor.

That ingesting castor oil would make me feel like I wanted to die, worse than the labor itself.

That valsalva pushing is completely unnecessary and that it would hurt my body so bad that I hobbled around the house for weeks.

That putting a hat on the baby's head obscures the lovely baby smell that is a chemical part of bonding.

That having my baby taken away from me for even a few minutes after the birth would make me feel disconnected from him.









That breastfeeding could hurt so much that it would make me weep, that it's not normal for it to do so, that there is such a thing as thrush, that it would get better, that some supposed "experts" that you pay to help you actually don't know diddly-squat, that some people just can't pump no matter how hard they try or what special apparatuses they use, that I didn't need a nursing bra and that in fact I should have thrown the damn bra away because it was half the problem. All that money down the drain, groan.

That meconium is like tar and that oiling down the baby before he poops REALLY helps in being able to get it off.

That I didn't need to spend one minute worrying about obtaining the jillion "essential" baby products before the baby was born: crib and bassinet and associate linens, changing table with pad and covers, mobile, wipe warmer, special diaper container, baby powder, baby nail clippers, butt thermometer, lots of darling (and later to find impractical and uncomfortable) clothes, baby tub, hooded towel, baby shampoo and lotion, pacifiers, playpen, god I'm sure there's more but I think I've blocked it out. More money down the drain, sigh.

That I would be tired to the point of hallucinating.

That you really do just need to sleep when the baby sleeps.

That my husband wouldn't just know how to take care of me after the birth.

That my mother, as much as I love her, is not the right person to have come stay for two weeks to help after the baby is born.

That continually trying to get away from the baby only makes the baby insecure so that he cries more easily.

That I don't need to let anyone else hold the baby, not even for a minute.

That my hormone levels would drop off sharply after the birth, making me very emotionally vulnerable, and that having visitors under these conditions would make me feel weird and emotionally out of control.


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## cathicog (May 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Squeakyneedle*

That doctors aren't always right and are quite often very, very wrong. That they see women as uteruses and not as birthing moms. And that this attitude can seriously screw up your birth.

Truer words were never spoken!! Prayers for a fast birth for you!


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## cchrissyy (Apr 22, 2003)

-laboring in water didn't help AT ALL (tried in both births)
-moving around, squatting, and peeing in labor brought intollerable sharp pain
-(probably) natural induction is still induction, shouldn't have done that!

-there is such thing as a necesary episotomy
-you can have an episiotomy without any complaints/pain/issues afterwards whatsoever

- blood loss that 1st day was phenomenal. Walking would pour blood marking my path on the floor like a hose.

-even a birth that goes to plan interventionwise can still leave great trauma and fear from the sheer pain and panic of it all

-milk can come in without engorgment

-new babies are cool, but you don't necesarily feel that overwhelming love and classic mother-baby bond while they're new.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

usually laboring in water helps, i'm sorry it didn't for you. (( hugs ))

that kind of blood loss sounds like a hemmorhage... sorry that you had to go through that. i bet it was scary.

and in my experience, i felt really distanced from my son, who i had in a hospital... but my daughter, who was born at home, and i nursed *immediately* after birth, i have always felt an immediate and intense connection toward. so maybe circumstance has something to do with it.


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## dachshundqueen (Dec 17, 2004)

That having your baby with you 100% of the time as a newborn is necessary for your sanity. Every time they took the baby away for baby checks I had panic attacks....much to my DH's chagrin and the OB thought I was seriously losing it.

It is my baby and no I don't need people visiting 4 hours after I've just had her....grrr stupid inlaws.

EDC


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

That an epidural can cause labor to completely stop, send a baby into distress, and cause you to have a c-section.

That if you get to the hospital too early, you will be forced into bed, have your water broken without your permission, hooked up to a monitor, and have Pitocin pumped through the veins because you "aren't progressing fast enough".

If you don't go to bed the night before your schedule repeat c-section, the Duramorph spinal block will make you shake so bad you feel like throwing up.

Percoset causes constipation. After my "emergency" (what a crock) c-section, I loaded up on Percoset (I wasn't breastfeeding). After a few days, I went in the bathroom to poop and I literally started crying from the pain. The turd was rock hard and I could feel it moving behind my incision. I refused the Perc after my second section.

Nobody told me about the bleeding. I had no idea that women bled for weeks after having babies.

Breastfeeding does not always come naturally. I never dreamed that I'd have another woman touching my boob and putting it in my baby's mouth, but it happened. Thank God, or I'd have probably ended up making the formula mistake a second time.


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## myopicfriend (Mar 16, 2006)

That the birth tub would make the pain easier, but also make me unaware of my full bladder. Consequently I forgot to pee during my 8 hrs of labor, and when it came time to push, my full bladder was in the way and had to be catheterized to make room for the baby to get out. (I couldn't pee at that point.) Ladies, make sure you remember to pee during labor!

That pushing would be the hardest part. I pushed for 2 1/4 hours and it seemed like forever.

That the birth kit my midwives had me order only had one perineal cold compress (the fabled "iced maxipad" that everyone needs). I would have ordered an additional case if I had known there would only be one in there and I would have to wait three or four days before DH could run to the homebirth store and get more.

That someone should have ordered a deli tray in advance for the midwives. My DH found them in our basement, snacking on our dried fruits and nuts from the pantry. Oops.

That you don't have to tear. I didn't tear, thanks to patient midwives who kept checking heart tones and reassuring me that I didn't have to hurry up with the pushing, that I could take my time.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

*What did no one tell you about birth/postpartum that you learned the hard way?*

There's bleeding for days after the birth of the baby.

The mesh panties the hospital gives are lousy. Bring your own underwear but preferably nothing too new or fancy since they WILL get stained.

That you will still look pregnant even after the baby is born!









That you feel like you have the biggest BM in the world during the pushing stage. I remember telling the nurse "I HAVE to use the bathroom now" and she told me that sensation was normal. It wasn't a BM but the baby.

The recovery is worse than the delivery.

You actually forget the labor pains when you see your newborn for the first time. Now, I have amnesia about the pain I went through though DH kindly reminds me of it.

You won't care who watches you during labor. All modesty goes out the window. The hospital janitor could have pulled up a beach chair beside my bed but I didn't care if I had an audience. You just want the baby OUT!

Your tolerance for bodily fluids goes waaaay up.

Gas pain after a c-section can be horrendous.

You don't want too many visitors in your room. I was so thankful for those people who didn't rush over to the hospital to see the baby. They waited a few days to allow us time to recover before dropping in at home for a visit.


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## j&e'smama02 (Mar 31, 2005)

Great thread...

*Birth #1* (hospital, after 24hrs induced w/ pitocin, eventual epidural):
--That your water can break in very early, unproductive labor and that it can take your body a long, long time to dilate to 7cm (36 hrs)...with the last 10hrs on pitocin, moving you from 4-7.
--That the smell of amniotic fluid is a very strong, almost metalic smell that is very unique and that the baby and lochia would smell like this too. W/ my 1st, the smell really annoyed me (thought it was the hospital, not me, until I continued to smell it at home).
--That having a regular IV for antibiotics (I was GBS +) & being hooked up to the monitors really can make you feel like you should stay in bed rather than move around like they say you can. (I definitely learned the hard way and insisted on a saline lock & only occasional monitoring w/ my 2nd, even though I had to fight for it).
--That you can go from 7 to pushing in 30min and only spend 20min pushing and have to wait for the OB to get there b/c no one thought you would progress to complete that quickly.
--That you don't HAVE to spend the full 48hrs at the hospital after birth (especially after 2 days in labor)
--That you need to know what position you want to push in BEFORE labor, rather than relying on the L&D nurse to tell you the best way (of course, I ended flat-down, w/ stirrups).
--That a tiny little tear on the labia hurts much worse than a 2nd degree tear on the perineum.
--That much of your labor experience is dependent on the nurse and support people around, and has very little to do with the the dr. who only spends 15min every 6hrs w/ you.
--That epidurals hurt like heck and can be worse than labor pains. You also can have long-lasting side effects to the epidural (6 weeks of pain in the injection spot on my back...making it hard to sit up or lay down).
--That you can feel the "ring of fire" even w/ an effective epidural.
--That the perky-breasted "A" cup LC at the hospital (who also teaches the bfing classes), has no idea how to direct a saggy-breasted "DD" cup woman how to breastfeed a tiny newborn.
--Low Supply IS a real condition, and in my case was caused by a combination of dehydration and low progesterone due to PCOS. Somehow, everyone says low supply isn't real, yet there are thousands of women w/ PCOS who all have noted low supply. Why don't OBs warn about this?
--That you'll miss the feeling of the baby inside of you kicking, even if she's sitting in your arms.
--That lochia really can last 7 weeks. Yikes!
--The 1st year really is as trying on the marriage as everyone says.
--Parenting was/is definitely not the 50/50 I thought it was going to be (at least when we are both home); it's more like 80/20 in our house.
--That some babies just have a colicky/fussy/high needs nature, no matter how much they are bf, co-slept, held, etc. Of course, I'm sure it would have been worse w/o AP.

*Birth #2* (hospital, not induced & no pain meds):
--That your chances of "false labor" increase when you've already had a child.
--That back labor hurts worse than the front pain, but that may not (in my case, did not) lessen when on the hands and knees position...just made my front pains hurt worse.
--That the feeling to push is so strong, that it is nearly impossible when they tell you to wait b/c you have a "lip" of the cervix still there.
--That the feeling of the baby coming down the canal feels like you are constipated and have a big bm you are pushing out.
--The sounds you make during pushing are so scary to those that aren't used to it (my mom was listening and freaked when she heard me and started crying...I'll never forget how scared she looked when she came in to see me and the baby).
--That sometimes the cord is too short to be able to hold the baby while waiting for the cord to stop pulsing.
--That birthing w/o pain meds makes you feel a bit shaky for about an hr or 2 afterwards, but then you feel awesome after a snack and a short nap. A true "I am woman, hear me roar!" feeling came over me.
--That it is completely possible to not tear at all, if you specify what pushing position you want to be in and stick to it (especially if it's your 2nd or later birth).
--That w/o any tears, you feel physically fine and just feel a litle sore like you've had a good round of sex.
--That going home shortly after birth is not the exhausting experience the hospital claimed it would be. It was awesome for both me and both kids to get home to our own bed and to be pampered by my mom and MIL.
--That you CAN have a home health nurse/LC visit 4 days after birth for follow-up care and do all the blood tests required by the state (included free w/ the cost of birth at my hospital if you don't stay 48hrs). This was awesome! I think they should always do a 3-4 day visit after coming home from the hospital. This would have massively helped w/ my 1st!
--That I would actually missed the smell of amniotic fluid when my lochia stopped b/c it was the true end of the birthing process.
--That transitioning from 1 baby to 2 babies is almost as hard as being a new parent; that even though you are already a parent, people still try to tell you how you should do things.
--That there would be such a change in the relationship between myself and my 2yr old DD; it was a very difficult change for us both to go through. Also, she seemed so big in comparison to my newborn, but looking back at it now, 15mos later...I realize that she was still really little.


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## emma_goldman (May 18, 2005)

No one told me I could sleep with babe even thought there were signs posted all over my hospital room that said "DANGER: do not sleep with your baby"

I didn't think of just leaving the hospital. The nurses came in every 4 hours to take babe's temperature and would end up waking him. stupid.

I didn't know that I would be on a high for a week. Could hardly sleep for the excitement.

I felt incredibly strong and fit afterward. And high like I had just climbed the biggest, baddest mountain in the world.

No one told me how "mama bear" would come out to bite people who tried to touch baby without washing hands the first two weeks. Or that I wouldn't want to have visitors stay at my house for at least two weeks afterwards.


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## lauriebeth (Mar 1, 2006)

that your milk will leak... ALL OVER THE place!









How much a c-section hurts!!!!

To not get the epidural... I know, Ive been told that, but I really think that getting it stalled my labor and ended up in a c-section. the docs say its because DD was big, but I doubt it.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

That you CAN birth a breech baby vaginally! I was bullied into a C/S because "no one in this practice will do a breech vaginally, especially with a first-time mom." I had no choice of docs (military).

That getting a cath put in REALLY hurts.

That your milk can come in without engorgement. I think it was because I was nursing every three hours religiously. I didn't get engorged at all until 7 weeks PP when DS slept through the night.

That refusing circ is no big deal in some hospitals.

That sometimes the nurses will supplement with formula without your permission and not even tell you. I didn't find out until DS was 13 months and I got the medical records - thankfully they supped with a cup and not a bottle.

That sometimes you're on your own with BFing. One nurse in the hospital "helped" by rubbing DS's lips on my nipple and one strapped an SNS on me (which worked because thanks to the formula supplements, he was used to the smell and taste of Similac). I didn't see a real LC until DS was over a week old and we'd already started to get the hang of things.

That the baby can get cut with a C/S. They nicked DS's butt. Thankfully, he's ok and no scar.

That you can have a textbook C/S with very little pain and a fast recovery and still mourn the loss of the birth you wanted.


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## ssolberg99 (Mar 31, 2005)

That having an epidural (though not what I planned) wasn't horrible and actually helped me to get a few hours of sleep.
That you don't have to let the nurse take your baby after 3 minutes of bonding.
That sex can still be uncomfortable, even painful, after 6 weeks of recovery.


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## GabeMom (Aug 17, 2005)

I learned that...

...even if you've had the most beautiful full-term pregnancy, your baby can end up in the NICU. We were so lucky to have a NICU open round the clock (except 4, 1-hour shift changes) staffed with nurses who let us hold and touch our baby any time. They also allowed us to use milk bank milk when I wasn't able to pump enough. I had done NO research on NICU's, but I do recommend that people find out what's available, just in case. I've heard they can be really awful, parent-unfriendly, places sometimes.

...when your baby is in the NICU, you hardly notice that you are healing from a third degree tear and a uterine infection. As long as you can be with your baby, you feel such peace.

...and those who have mentioned the amazing love... It still knocks me over, 18 months later!! Can't wait to have it double in Septmeber!!


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## QueenOfThePride (May 26, 2005)

I didn't know that Stadol would stop my contractions.

I didn't know how much Pitocin contractions would hurt..OMG! I almost couldn't breathe!

I was really scared of getting the epidural, but I barely felt a pinch.

Not having a doula was a huge mistake, DH was no help at all.

I didn't know they'd turn off the epidural for pushing







:

I didn't know that the baby coming out would hurt much less than pitocin contrax.

Once the baby was out, I didn't really care, I was just glad it was over and could barely open my eyes to look at him. I thought there'd be an instant bond, but there wasn't. I was just too tired and physically traumatized.

After reading all the placenta horror stories, I'm glad mine just fell right out after the baby!







The doctor caught it in a bowl, and the plop splattered blood everywhere!









I didn't know BFing would be so excruciatingly painful. I was embarrassed that it was so difficult and painful. I wanted to be alone to BF, not for modesty, but just because it was so painful, I would sit and cry and shake just to get through it.







I never knew that was normal, I thought there was something wrong with me. It was so horrible, I began to resent my son, and I had thoughts of abandoning him.









At the hospital, the lactation nurse said the pump would be more comfortable, so she strapped it on me and turned it on. OMG! I immediately burst into tears and started sobbing. She turned it off and left. I never let her back in my room.









When my milk came in, I was shocked that my breasts were like three times bigger than my baby's head!









I didn't know you could have too much milk! I could pump like 20 ounces every three hours - sometimes by hand!

I didn't know about milk banks back then, or I would have donated.

I didn't know I could relactate after quitting, but I did it!

I didn't know it would take a good three months before BFing was comfortable. I had adhesions in my nipples that needed to be broken/stretched out, and one was inverted.

Having a bowel movement PP was scary, but it actually didn't hurt at all! Peeing didn't hurt either.

But for the first 12 hours after birth, I was so swollen that I couldn't pee. That freaked me out.

I shouldn't have taken a tub bath in the PP period, because I think that is why I got a uterine infection that made me septic.

Several days PP I passed a humongous clot, like the size of my baby's head. I called the doc's office, and they said it was normal. Well then why do the OB nurses tell you to inform them if you pass a clot bigger than a quarter?

I didn't know that I would give birth to the most beautiful and perfect baby the world has ever seen!







My son was the standard of cuteness by which all other babies were judged.









Even now, daily I wonder why I was lucky enough to give birth to exactly the child I wanted. - His low-key nature, his happy-go-lucky temperament, his beautiful face, his robust health, his golden hair...

In the hospital, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't take my eyes off my beautiful son. I had never seen a cuter baby.









Those maxipad ice packs are a godsend!


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## Mama2 '05'06 (Mar 5, 2006)

No one told me that my arms would hurt so bad. Also, I did not know that you can actually break your tailbone!







Or that the narcotic to "take the edge off" will make you vomit and feel like you have lost your mind







:


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## tmhorn (Jun 9, 2005)

No one told me that my first couple of weeks of let downs would hurt so bad. It felt like the pumping mechanism in my breasts was clenching every time I let down. Ouchie!

Oh well!

BTW - Alex is 27 months old and STILL breastfeeding. Proud of myself.


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## WinterBaby (Oct 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tmhorn*
No one told me that my first couple of weeks of let downs would hurt so bad. It felt like the pumping mechanism in my breasts was clenching every time I let down. Ouchie!


Haha! I'd forgotten how let down hurt in the early months. Felt like burning in my breasts intense enough to make me wrap my arms around them and go "ooooooo!" Certainly I don't think anyone had mentioned that possibility. They kept talking about letdown like a pleasant thing, lol.


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## mirandahope (Nov 10, 2005)

Regarding pre-labour: that it can go on for weeks and not result in a baby! I thought a couple of days maybe, but 3 weeks later I am still waiting!!


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## AngelaB (Nov 20, 2001)

That just because the 10 pound baby didnt hurt during the pushing phase, as in it felt good to push and no ring of fire, doesnt mean that the 6 pound 10 oz babe wont hurt way way worse, like Im splitting in half kind of hurt and a ring of fire from hell! It must have been the positioning but man it was intense, totally worth it but not what I expected at all.
~Angela~


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## Emilie (Dec 23, 2003)

that if you birth in a hospital they might make you pee in a bed pan while a rude nurse stands there and hands you toilet paper- then you have to hand it back to her after you use it and then she empties your urine. And glares at you.


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## luvmygio (May 2, 2006)

No one told me about the fever that occompanies milk coming in... I got night sweats so bad from the fever, I had to change my clothing. I thought I was going through withdrawls from the pain meds (c section)


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## AnditheBee (Oct 3, 2003)

-that I would be unable to think clearly/decisively/assertively in the immediate post-partum period, so I should have been more prepared for decisions I might have to make

-that 2 rounds of antibiotics meant I would be more susceptible to yeast afterward (duh!!)

-that I should have refused the second round of abx (see previous two items)

-that you can get post-partum hemorrhoids even if you didn't have a vaginal birth (YEOW!)

-not to buy the generic witch hazel pads...Tucks work best!









-that my belly would look like elephant skin afterward! (On second thought, I'm glad no one dropped that one on me beforehand...







)

-about BABY BRAIN!!! and that I therefore shouldn't try to balance the checkbook or make major purchases until the baby's at least 7 or 8 months old!


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## henhao (Dec 17, 2004)

about milk brain
about bleeding after for 6 weeks
about not being able to walk up stairs or even down the block
that i could get such bad anemia
that i could lose so much blood


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## Lizzardbits (Jan 21, 2006)

I wish I knew that after having an epidural free birth, my legs still did not want to function right and that I crawled to the bath tub

having a hot Hot HOT whirlpool bath right after birth to clean up is not a good idea 1) it made me feel more faint than i already was 2) it COOKS your blood and it floats around at the top of the bubbles

Tepid baths are so much better for PP during lochia flow time.

that even though i was fanatical about Kegeling before both births, that for several weeks after birth, I would feel like ALL of my female insides and my intestines felt like they wanted to fall right out of my vagina, yes, most definateately a falling out kind of sensation.

that being a new mother is leaky business, that lovely lochia flow, breasts leaking, and hormones that made my eyes leak all the time, and the all over bodysweat leaking. My water bottle was one of my bestfriends at that time.

that even with a healthy baby, I'd mourn the loss of being pregnant. I would have dreams that I'd absorb my newborn back into my body, usually via my belly button, and I could continue being happily pregnant.

How odd that pregnancy and PP dreams can be.

That i would be so tired that i would halucinate and try and stick my nipple in my baby's eye and be confused why she wasn't latching on.

That my body can grow a child both in utero and with my milk.

That I could fall totally and utterly in love with each child and know beyond a doubt that I would forefit my life to save theirs if need be. The Love is so fulfilling yet overpowering at times, but I would never take away any of the intensity.


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## joyfilledmomma (Mar 14, 2006)

1. All of the lovely hormones that make you feel so great and even energetic after birth will wear off and day #2 postpartum will be a lot more difficult so...don't try to go anywhere or do anything! We took dd to the pediatrician as per our midwife's request on day #2 and I almost passed out! Of course the grumpy pediatrician we had to see (our super friendly one was not in that day) said "honey if you had the baby in the hospital you'd still be there and this wouldn't be an issue!"...grrrrrrrrrr!







: I think she was almost annoyed to report that dd was perfectly healthy since I did not have a hospital birth!

2. Breastfeeding is hard and you should have a plan in place before the birth in case it does not go well because you will not be mentally prepared to deal with it postpartum. I loved my midwife, but she could only do so much in this area... I'm so thankful for my mom who took charge and got a lactation consultant to our house so that I did not lose my mind and so that dd never had to have a drop of formula.


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## KindRedSpirit (Mar 8, 2002)

That every birth is SO different.

That you can feel your heart physically stretch to fit all the individual love for each of your dc's.

That births can get longer after the first-2 hr.20 min to 6 hr to 16 hr.to what has felt like over a week so far...

The baseball sized clots

using/ eating your placenta could have stopped the hemmorage after your first birth!Why did nobody offer this?

Making supplements with your third baby's placenta,and taking them can give you the same insomnia you had in pregnancy!(Yeah,who would have thought,huh?)

The after pains,and of couse they are WAY WAY WAY worse when tandem nursing!

Water is great for labor,but not always the best for birth.

You can be totally high for weeks after one birth,and hate everything after another.

There is no substitute for true,great support,and finding it at the right time is really hard,and maybe just luck.

Your body knows what your mind does not.

intuition is there,but you may need to learn WHERE.

it's easy to forget all about the placenta having to come out,once you see or hold your baby.

A plan is good,but make about 3 good backups and maybe use a bit from each.

A postpartum plan is as good to have as a birth plan.It could take years to re-learn how to articulate a need...

Hospitals are for when you really need them.Most of us never will,and our routeinly using them could be interfering with the care of the few who will.I learn this more after every birth.

sleep when baby sleeps!Really.

stay in bed for a few days.see all the movies you always wanted to,read a few books,play chess,or other games...It's a party,and you are the guests of honor!

kids totally understand birth.


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