# I called CPS on my parents...



## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

And, I know I did the right thing.

Here's a bit of a backstory:

My parents are abusive. When I was growing up, I was sexually, verbally, emotionally, physically, and religiously abused. I moved out during my teens, but I have many wounds that have yet to heal.

My parents, more specifically my mom, is now abusing my brother. Threatening to hit him if he doesn't submit to her, or does what he says. Telling him if he doesn;t do something churchwise, no one will like him. Not allowing him to participate in activities, because they they don't think it's worth it, or that he's not good enough, OR that he shouldn't make any friends that aren't of his religion.

Trouble is, he has no friends. He gets made fun of school, he gets beat up, and chased off the bus. My parents don't see how damaging this all is to him. He was suspended because some kid drew on his face, and was calling him derogatory names, so my brother punched him, and pushed this kid (violence is wrong no matter what). My parents focused on how terrible my brother was, and what a lost cause he was, and he was just this wild child. My brother was hurt, and sad, and needed love, and guidance, but he was grounded and told he deserved everything he got. Including this boy picking on him.

I could go on with the lists. So today, when my brother called and asked me, crying if he could live with me, and I explained to him that I have asked my parents numerous times, and they say no, absolutely not (I don't go to their church anymore), because I don't attend church. I was in the middle of telling him that this was just how my parents were, and I had been told that the same thing when I was his age- I'd be kicked out with nothing if I didn't obey them- when I realized that I was just making excuses for them. And I think what they do, how they act is DESPICABLE.

So I looked up the local number here, and I called. I explained that I was 5 hours away and I just wanted to find out if there was anything that could be done.

My parents will never forgive me if they find out I've done this. And I'm okay with that. No one made this call for me, no one protected me or told me that I would have a home, if my home was pulled from me. And I need to make sure my brother knows that I will always have his back. This has gone on for too long...

I just needed to vent, and to hear that I did the right thing. I know I did, but I keep rationalizing their behavior...Why can't parents just be GOOD parents?


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)




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## zansmama (Feb 17, 2006)

having grown up in a crazy, culty abusive family myself, and having sisters 6 & 12 years younger than me... I don't really hve any advice, but I DO have a lot of sympathy and empathy for you.
Maybe I should have done what you did years ago. I don't know. My youngest sister is a wreck... sorry, mama


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

That was a brave thing you did. I hope that your brother can get some help.


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## Beckamomof4 (Apr 15, 2007)

I think you did a wonderfully brave thing. Please keep us updated on what happens.


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

I think you did the right thing. KUP on how everything turns out.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

You did the right thing. Please keep in contact with CPS and if there is a way your brother can come live with you I hope that it works out.
FWIW, when I was 33, I almost took my 12 year old sister out of my mom's house and I regret not doing it. Thankfully they are both ok now but I could have done better for her.
Hang in there.


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## netgyks (Aug 5, 2007)

As a very protective sister who got her younger brother out of a bad situation with our family and into my place after I left for college, I am positive you did the right thing. I hope he can move in with you and soon!


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

You definitely did the right thing. I'm hoping all the best for you and your brother. I hope you'll keep us posted on how things work out.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

you did the right thing hun


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

YOu did the right thing, we took 2 kids from my DH sisters home, it took us 2 yrs to finally get custody, and they are now living with a different family member. Based on everything those kids had to live with the other family member is much more able to cater to their needs for now. Still hopeful that someday DD may come back.... DS is pretty settled in his way up there now.
SO just to let you k now, you dont have to 'ask' your mom, you can petition for custody.


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## plum tree (Aug 23, 2009)

I agree with letting CPS know you are willing to take your brother in as a temporary (or permanent) solution.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

You need to tell your brother to be honest.

If he leaves he can go to school as a run away or as home less.

He can live with you. This might have to wait. Let him know if you could yank him out you would. But give him options. Think about the rules you want him to have. He might want to go "wild" when he gets to your house.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

You were right. They are wrong. I hope you are always your brothers hero for doing it, too, and I think you will be....it sounds like he could use a hero in his life you know.

I was the oldest in the abusive house I grew up in and as a result got the brunt of just about everything...as I grew older and older, I was brought into so much of what happened to my younger siblings, not in the way of actual abuse, but in some of the really poor decision making my mother made...I was brought into the "we" who made those choices and put the kids in the house last. At the time I didn't see it for what it was, I thought I was helping my mom, that I was trusted by her as the oldest to help make these sorts of decisions...then I grew up and aftera time had my own baby and saw that what she had done was spread the blame..."we" did the best we could with the options "we" had, right? WRONG. I was a kid, she was the adult.

So I, and many mamas here, know how tough it is to grow up and realize that you don't have to be a part of it anymore. That you are not the weird one, that THEY are the weird, abusive, wrong ones...

In washing myself from the guilt I carried at being a part of her sickness, I have had to close off a lot of my heart and soul to my mother....but that's not my fault either and I won't feel guilty for telling my siblings the truth about how things happened...all they get from her are wicked lies and excuses....but they aren't my lies anymore and I don't have any reasons to give excuses.

You are breaking free. Maybe you do have a lot more healing to do.....but I can tell you've come a long way for the simple fact that you have had the strength to see them for what they are and not be ashamed the make the right call.


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## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

as a teen I prayed and prayed that someone would do this for me.... you did the right thing.

Its too scary to make that call yourself and think that youll just get the crap kicked out of you after cps leaves.

the cycle has to end somewhere.

it was brave of you.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

(((hugs))) that must have been so hard for you.


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## tanyam926 (May 25, 2005)

You did the right thing mama, and I agree w/all the pp, you are very brave. Keep us updated on how your brother is doing.


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## mamachelle (Jul 24, 2009)

wow, I think your brother is lucky to have a sister like you. I hope he can live with you soon.


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## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

I hope everything gets worked out for your brother very soon.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

oh man. I could almost have written your post myself. I hope it works out for your brother, aand keep reminding him that he only has x number of years left before he can mke his own decisions. Tht's wht I tell my younger sister. It sucks seeing something like tht and not being aable to do much about it.


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

Good for you!! It took a lot of guts to do what you did. Hopefully you can take your brother in.

You are a great sister!!


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## MommyKelly (Jun 6, 2009)

You did the right thing! I hope they canget your brother, and your parents some help.

I grew up being abused. I turned my own parents in when I was 15, but sadly they sent someone out to interview me in my own home, while I knew my Mother was listening on the other side of the door, so I was afraid to say anything.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

You are my hero for making that call. Are you in any position to have your brother live with you?

Thank you for initiating your brother's ticket out of there.


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyKelly* 
You did the right thing! I hope they canget your brother, and your parents some help.

I grew up being abused. I turned my own parents in when I was 15, but sadly they sent someone out to interview me in my own home, while I knew my Mother was listening on the other side of the door, so I was afraid to say anything.

The lady I spoke to actually asked me what I thought would be best for the situation. We spoke for the better part of an hour and a bit- so I told her how far back the abuse goes back, and tried to give her a good glance into their home.

My brother goes back to school in a week, so I said it would be best if they had someone talk to him while he was there. It would be in private, my parents won't know right away, and he'll be able to speak freely. I called him today and told him it would happen, that I had made the call, and that I wanted him to be as honest with whoever talks to him, as he is with me. And then I asked him to make sure that he keeps this to himself. He sounded pretty sad, but I told him it was the only thing I could do right at the moment without making this situation worse.

DH and I have been talking about rules if we do have him come here, and the person I spoke to asked if it was an option. I told her without a doubt he is always welcome here.

So we'll see. It'll likely be quiet for the next little while until the initial visit occurs. I've told him that if something happens between now and then, I need to know. He has no access to the computer, and only the phone when my parents aren't around









Thanks for the kind words ladies. I'm grateful for all of them.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Thanks so much for doing this and for being there for him! Please keep us updated.


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## Aridel (Apr 25, 2004)

You definitely made the right call, and I'm not someone who jumps to CPS as a first step. You also did the right thing to let them know upfront that he could come and stay with you if they pull him from the home. I would strongly suggest therapy if this happens, both to help him process what has happened to him, and to help your family adjust to having a traumatized child living with you. Not saying he's a bad kid, or not to do this, just that this can be a tough change, especially if it brings up any lingering issues from your own childhood.

Your brother is lucky to have you.


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## Kidzaplenty (Jun 17, 2006)




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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Wow, you wrote MY life story hon. I am so sorry you are going through it right now. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!! Just remember that hon.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

You did the right thing. I so wish someone had done that for me when I was young, I ended up doing it myself later on to save my brother too.


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## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

You did the right thing. As someone who grew up in a home that was similar to this I wish I could have had the courage to do this for my own little brother, but I didnt.








You are my hero.


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## grahamsmom98 (May 15, 2002)

How old is your brother?


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## bethanyclaire (Dec 17, 2004)

Oh, mama!









That is so hard and YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, no doubt. A few years ago DH (now ex) and I had to call CPS on his parents due to his father abusing his 2 younger brothers, who were 13 at the time but have since been diagnosed as having Aspergers and some other difficulties, so were developmentally quite a bit younger. It was such a sad time for DH and I was the one he asked to make the call. It was so hard. The situation was similar to what you are describing, particularly the religious abuse. It was a HARD call to make but we felt like we really had no other choice. We had already spoken (very gently and respectfully) to his parents but they refused to listen. The boys did end up coming to live with us for a time. It was difficult and, in the end they both ended up needing inpatient care but we were so glad we were able to help when we did.








to you for making the really tough choice to be a hero for your brother.


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

Sweetie, you are a hero! You absolutely, without a doubt did the right thing! I lived a life very similar to the one you have described here, and I prayed every night for someone to do what you just did. (I was the oldest, too.)

Please, keep us posted!!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

You rock so much. Thank you for being such an excellent person.


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## SaraMum (May 17, 2009)

You definitely did the right thing!








s , i Know it is not an easy situation but this is what will work out best in the long run


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

You did the right thing. My brother was taken out of the home when he was 1, a year later a social worker interviewed me (because of my past sexual abuse allegations against my step father) I told her everything and I also told her I wouldn't give a dog I liked to those people. Ultimately my little bro (he's 8 now) was adopted by his foster parents at the time. I knew I did the right thing, that little boy has a chance at a normal life instead of being raised around abuse and alcoholic/drug addict parents


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## clemrose (Dec 20, 2006)

so sorry for you and your brother. i hope this gets him the help he needs.







s


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

You have given your brother a gift.


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## DianeMarie (Jul 7, 2009)

Not only did you do the right thing, but you (or someone) really needs to watch out that your brother does not try to hurt himself (or worse) out of lonliness and depression. CPS can only go so far---and, it seems that unless there is evidence of physical abuse, they don't do much.

I find it wildly ironic that your parents are such "churchgoing people" and yet treat their children as outcasts and emotionally abuse them. To play such horrible mental games with a kid should be punished. I really feel bad for your brother.

Perhaps what he needs is a change of scenery and a chance to make some friends and get some emotional support---and it would be a wonderful thing to get him away from that household. You didn't mention how old he is, but there are laws about emancipation in every state. If he's old enough, he can walk away and declare himself an emancipated minor and come and live with you, and his parents can't do a damned thing about it.

It sounds like to poor kid is scared, lonely, depressed and helpless..........to say that he can't come live with you becaus eyou don't go to church is unbelieveable............you seem to be a stable, understanding and loving woman, and much different than your parents who proclaim to be such "holy rollers". It is sad that they are "allowed" to treat their own child that way.


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## DianeMarie (Jul 7, 2009)

Furthermore, CPS doesn't tell who made the call and turned them in.


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Teale,

You absolutely did the right thing! Your brother is so lucky to have you. How old is your brother? I looked into kinship care when some close family members were removed from their home and I believe that by the age of 14 a child can decide where they want to live (as in with you). If he is younger than that it would be up to CIS but they could still place him with you in kinship care (though he may end up in foster care in the meantime-at least until your home could be approved as a kinship care home).

Here is a link http://www.child.gov.ab.ca/home/595.cfm

I hope this gets sorted out quickly for both your sake and your brother's. It really sucks to know such horrible parents. You are so brave for calling!


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## tarajean56 (May 2, 2007)

I'm so sorry you and your brother are going through all this, and has been for so long. Without a doubt, you are doing the right thing.


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FreeRangeMama* 
Teale,

You absolutely did the right thing! Your brother is so lucky to have you. How old is your brother? I looked into kinship care when some close family members were removed from their home and I believe that by the age of 14 a child can decide where they want to live (as in with you). If he is younger than that it would be up to CIS but they could still place him with you in kinship care (though he may end up in foster care in the meantime-at least until your home could be approved as a kinship care home).

Here is a link http://www.child.gov.ab.ca/home/595.cfm

I hope this gets sorted out quickly for both your sake and your brother's. It really sucks to know such horrible parents. You are so brave for calling!

Thank you so much for that. My brother called me today to ask me if he would be allowed to make that choice himself. I really didn't know. He is 14, so I figured he had more rights then I knew, but I just didn't know. This is good to know.


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## MommyKelly (Jun 6, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teale* 
Thank you so much for that. My brother called me today to ask me if he would be allowed to make that choice himself. I really didn't know. He is 14, so I figured he had more rights then I knew, but I just didn't know. This is good to know.

I *think* at 14 they get to have quite a bit of say. At least in some states they do.

I am so glad they are going to his school! Please keep us updated. You are a wonderful sister for doing this.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

First of all







s Huge Huge hugs! That had to be really, really hard to do, but I'm sure you did the right thing!!

As for the age thing and getting say, I'm pretty sure kids start getting a pretty big 'say' in where they live ~13 or 14. I know when my parents got divorced and I was 15 I was never *asked* who I wanted to live with but just assumed I wanted to live in my house, and thus with my mother. And so thats what happend for a couple years till I finally had the guts to move out and in with my dad, but I always knew it was my 'choice'.


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

Teale, you are amazing!







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## AbigailGrace (Aug 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *almadianna* 
You did the right thing. As someone who grew up in a home that was similar to this I wish I could have had the courage to do this for my own little brother, but I didnt.








You are my hero.

What she said... but I had two little sisters and a brother at home when I ran away...







And right now I have no relationship with them... even sadder...


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