# Intimacy and Co-sleeping



## squirrelletta (Jan 25, 2005)

OK, I wrote to moderator to make sure this was ok, but they didnt write back.

So here goes...

How are most couples handeling alone time? My DS is only 2 months so its not a problem, but I don't wanna feel weird when he gets older and people are telling me to "get him out of my bed" or "you'll never have another child and end up with a divorce from a relationship gone bad!" AHHHHHHHHHHHH

do you...

A. sneak in another room when the chance is had
B. remain in room with child (up to what age is fine?)
C. other suggestions

Hope no ones offended but Im sure this is an issue with lots of familys that co-sleep...


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

My DS is 15 months and when he falls asleep, I'll put him in his room if we're planning on, you know, having some alone time.









He usually wakes up after 1/2 - 1 hour, but it's enough time to get some snugglin' in.









That's what we do right now and it's working ok.


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## Desdamona (May 2, 2003)

Dh and I don't have "relations" ONLY in our bed. When the opportunity presents itself we jump on it, LITERALLY -- living room, bathroom, bedroom, etc...

Because we only have 2 bdrms (one for our older boys and one for DH and I + toddler and soon to be baby) if we know we are going to be intimate we will either transfer our toddler to the couch so we can enjoy the space of our bed or find a suitable place for our "extra curricular" activities... The basement play room that houses a couch and futon has been frequented in the past.









DH has never been resentful of having a little one in our bed because it limits our "relations", if anything it makes us be more spontaneous! Which counts for a lot when you've been together for nearly 15 yrs and have 3 kids and one in the oven... The only time I've ever heard DH gripe was because of a foot smashing into his face in the middle of the night. :LOL


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## JCEmommy (Mar 22, 2004)

We have made our relationship better from co-sleeping. We get to explore other parts of our house and we get to be creative. Our cuddle time is with the kids when we watch TV. My husband is a big family man and I love him so much more for that. I will tell you that since we started co-cleeping our sexual relationship has improved and is the best it could ever be. I have been with my DH for almost 11 years now and the thought of getting divorced over co-sleeping because you can not have sex has never been a thought.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

Dh I Use the living room, basement, spare room, shower, bath, and if we want to do it in our bed, then we move DS (26 months) to his brothers room.
I think it's wrong to do it in teh room with your child no matter what the age is.
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.


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## minmoto2 (Dec 23, 2004)

Our 2 dd's were both conceived in the shower :LOL ....so we were used to exploring other areas of the house b4 cosleeping....so we just kept up the good work!


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

This really puzzles me as a definition of 'abuse'. So, if a baby is in a crib in the same room, is that abuse? If a baby is out on the landing outside the bedroom door in a bassinet, is that abuse? If it is in it's room adjacent to your bedroom, awake, is that abuse?

To me, logically, the only thing that is abusive is if the child is awake and sees/knows/understands what is going on. Otherwise if the child is asleep, what does it matter where he or she is geographically?

What about families all over the world who live and sleep in one room? Are they abusive? It is only very recently in this culture that people have had multiple sleeping places for the family.

Your use of the word 'admit' is interesting - implying that anyone who does this knows it to be 'abusive'. I seriously doubt if that is the case.









There are many things imo that are abusive, but making love when you are geographically near a sleeping baby is not one of them. Not that I do so - as my baby really doesn't sleep. :LOL


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

I was specific when I said *In the bed next to them* (making love-whatever) while a child is literally right next to you in sick.


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## ETW (Feb 18, 2005)

Up to about 4 months we didn't feel comfortable leaving DS alone, so we would wait until he was sleeping and leave him in the bed and go on the floor or put him in his bouncy seat on the floor while we stayed in the bed. After we got comfortable with him napping alone we started going to other parts of the house. I didn't really think about an age cutoff at which I didn't feel comfortable being in the same room -- it was more that we could have more fun if we didn't have to worry about waking him.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

We let him fall asleep and then put him in his crib for awhile (like PP said, 1/2-1 hour is all it takes!), or we let him spend time snuggling with his older sister in her room watching tv while we "talk".


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## squirrelletta (Jan 25, 2005)

Let me clearify, my DH loves having family bed. And we have also been creative about the places we chose to ....egh..."have relations".







When he heard people saying we would end up with a divorce he laughed saying "I guess we're not as high strung as other people."

My relationship with the hubblet has gotten better because of our son. I never thought in a million years my DH would come to enjoy APing. (He's kinda an "Archie Bunker" when it comes to things that are "different" saddly-but Ive been working on him for 12 years!!!!) I cannot believe how much of a GREAT father he is and how much he enjoys being a SAHD when he has the chance (I work 3 days and he's been staying home with DS) We have to start daycare on the 15th and Im sad about that.

But he encourages it now. I was just curious if there where "understandings" in the AP world when it came to intimate times, or if everyone just did what we do and winged it and had fun when it came to loving each other.

Interesting....


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *squirrelletta*
When he heard people saying we would end up with a divorce ....

We've been cosleeping for almost 12 years (with a little span in there between DS#1 and the babe), and we're still "hanging in there".


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I was specific when I said *In the bed next to them* (making love-whatever) while a child is literally right next to you in sick.

I understood that - my point was, how far do you go with the idea that physical proximity determine 'abuse'? What about poeple who put the baby in a crib next to the bed? Or like here, say that they put a mattress on the floor? It is illogical to me to say that one constitutes abuse, one doesn't, just because the baby is a few feet further away.









For me, the matter is more what you feel comfortable with. If a baby is asleep, it's asleep. I cannot see how it is abusive to have sex while a baby sleeps nearby. It doesnt appeal to me personally, but imo there is nothing wrong with it and it is nothing _close_ to abuse. The baby has no idea what you're doing, just as when my baby lies on the changing table in the bathroom (awake) he has no idea that I am on the loo! I personally cannot see the difference between having sex with a baby asleep in a bassinet, or having sex with a baby asleep nearby on the bed. He's asleep, he's fed, he's happy.


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

I don't understand how it's abusive, either. For a child who is paying attention, but for a baby?









To answer the OP's question, with our first we would do it in bed with the baby, I can't remember when we stopped, but it was whenever we felt there was some possibility of awareness that something was going on (as different from just the usual hugging etc.) Since then there's always been an older child, so we just take it elsewhere. Right now we have two rooms set up as bedrooms, all the kids and I sleep in one room, and my husband sleeps in the other (poor guy, he snores and I'm a light sleeper, so he doesn't get to sleep with us.) Whenever we want to do something, we just go into "his" room after the kids are asleep. Or sometimes in the morning I'll get up before anyone is awake and join him.

It has SO not affected our relationship.







I just don't understand when people say that. Have they no creativity or flexibility? FWIW, I'd be sleeping in a different bedroom than my husband even if we didn't have kids. Why is sleeping in the same bed seen as necessary for a happy marriage? Am I missing something?


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## shelbean91 (May 11, 2002)

When they were little, we would use the floor next to the bed. Now that they're a little older, we use a different room usually.


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## MamaOui (Aug 9, 2002)

"To answer the OP's question, with our first we would do it in bed with the baby, I can't remember when we stopped, but it was whenever we felt there was some possibility of awareness that something was going on (as different from just the usual hugging etc.) Since then there's always been an older child, so we just take it elsewhere."

Us too. And ds#1 is scarred for life from the experience :LOL


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## magemom (Mar 5, 2002)

we gave up fooling around years ago. the 14 year old was really starting to critique what we were doing and it was making dh uncomfortable.

:ignore

ok, anywhere there isn't a wake child is good for me. makes it fun sometimes.


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

I'm interested in this issue myself as I'm due very soon and plan on co-sleeping. He won't technically be "in our bed" since it's only a full size but we bought a co-sleeper to attach to it.

I have always just assumed we would get it on in the bed as long as the baby's asleep- I mean even if he woke up for a second a 2 month old won't know what's going on- and I'm of the opinion that sex and nudity and all that is totally natural and not perverse at all. I plan on being naked in front of my kids from birth on- I used to see my mom and dad naked all the time and I didn't turn out to be some strange incest person with lots of psychological issues or anything :LOL I mean I could see not wanting to do something that is morally objectionable or what not in front of your child but I wouldn't call 2 people loving each other in the same bed with a sleeping baby "abuse" by any stretch of the imagination...

I don't think it's sick at all to get it on while the baby is in the bed as long as he or she is still too little to fully know what's going on and is asleep. *What I do wonder is at what age do they know what's going on???* I guess we'll move him to his own room them...

After years of "being creative" since neither of us had private bedrooms while we were dating, we NEED our bed and we need it at night since DH is gone all day- I hope I never have to do it in a car or the shower or on the couch ever again! :LOL


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## librarymom (May 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.


Not in mine.


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## mommyofshmoo (Oct 25, 2004)

This isn't such an issue for us since we have a guestroom and I've been too tired to have sex at night since I had a kid.








The issue for us is not so much where as when.

Naptime is better for us, and now that dd sleeps in her own room early morning is comming back into fashion. Dc #2 was conceived in the bathroom of a hotel while dd#1 watched cartoons.

I think we stopped doin' it around dd maybe around 4 months? I'm another one who doesn't think it's a problem to get busy near a sleeping baby.

I think having children changes your sex life quite a bit regardless of where the kid sleeps. My feeling is after maybe 3 months it gets hard to have sex while the baby is awake whether there's a bed available or not.


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## bendmom (Sep 4, 2003)

We do it where we can, when we can









Usually mom and dad have to talk *privately* for a bit with door closed.
When Ds#1 was first born, he was on the other side of the bed asleep. Since then we've learned to be creative :LOL


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## farmer mama (Mar 9, 2004)

The statement that making love with a baby in the bed or a child in the room is sick and abusive is really offensive to me. Seeing how a large portion of the world sleeps together in a one room home, are all these children being abused? Are all these parents sick? Hardly, they are just doing what is natural for humans to do, and I do not see how that can be destructive to a child. We sleep in a large family bed (two queen sized futons pushed together) and I "admit" it, I have made love quietly, discretely in one bed while the kids were in another, often spooning or in a way that if my child did wake up it would appear we were cuddling. We also don't have any street lights or night lights so it is very dark in the room. We made love when my baby was in the womb, so why is it sick to do so when my baby is lying next to me? Of course if we are wanting to be more rambuncious, adventurous, or noisy (which is how we usually are) we go to another part of the house. So to answer the OP, we usually sneak to another part of the house, but when we just want to have cuddly sex, we may just stay in bed. Granted, both kids are deep sleepers, our room is dark, we can be quiet, and if my 5 year old woke up and heard some heavy breathing and wondered what was going on, that would be okay. What if your child wakes up and looks for you and hears you making love in another room? It is really not a big deal.


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## duckat (Jan 10, 2005)

When we were feeling amorous when ds was very tiny (not so frequently, heh) we were comfortable making love with him in the cosleeper. Now he spends the first part of the night in another room, so it's not a concern.
We're out of town right now and in a room with 2 queen beds. We had a nice quiet time with ds in the next bed just last night.


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## doctorjen (May 29, 2003)

We've had a child in our room for a lot of our marriage. Mostly in a cradle or crib pulled up to our bed. Fortunately, all of mine are heavy sleepers, and as a pp pointed out if they woke up and heard heavy breathing, so what?
Now last year our oldest ds (then 15) walked right in on us, and THAT was mortifying. I was on call, he was talking on the phone downstairs and the call waiting beeped. It was the ER calling for me, so he came right in to give me the phone without thinking about it. It was late at night, and I didn't hear the phone ring since he was on it.
I think he's scarred for life, too. But he's darn careful about knocking anymore! :LOL
In high school, I had a boyfriend who mentioned once that he felt happy whenever he heard his parents being amorous at night. He was glad they loved each other and still were obviously happily married after all those years (he was an only and late in life child) I guess that colored my perception of how kids feel about their parents' sex lives. I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here, so even though we take pains to not be obvious about it, I'm not too worried that they might occasionally hear something.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I have a five week old, so I'm curious about how this works, too. We have a cradle next to our bed, but she's never been in it. If she'll tolerate sleeping in there for an hour or so, that's a possibility. Honestly I can't think of another comfy place in our apt besides the bed. And the kitties have free range of the rest of the house, and I hate them looking at us.







They know what we're up to, sleeping baby would not.

Oh, lovechild: we only have a full size, too. All three of us fit snuggly, sometimes even comfortably. The baby and I take up roughly the same space I did pg.


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## kiahnsmum (Oct 22, 2004)

We all sleep in the same room, ds(5), dd(14mnths) and oh so patient dh. Because of our living arrangement creativity is definitly the key. So crazy as it may sound the closet is our regular meetin place so when things get loud the doors can be shut. (kinda makes me feel like a naughty teenager still) :LOL
Nothing wrong with those who chose to do it next to sleeping baby it just makes you learn to be gentle lovers!!


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## squirrelletta (Jan 25, 2005)

OK, so its ok to be "Makin' bacon" as long as the childs not old enough to hold a camcorder?


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

I'll _confess_ to being of the variety who do it on the bedroom floor (about 10 feet away) from the baby sleeping soundly in bed. We are currently living with my mom and I think it would be far more "abusive" to do it downstairs on the couch or in her room...







We are quiet and respectful of our daughter (and my mom for that matter). If dd happens to wake up it's no big deal, she sees my boobs all the time anyway.







I don't feel this is _wrong_ for our family at this point.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *squirrelletta*
OK, so its ok to be "Makin' bacon" as long as the childs not old enough to hold a camcorder?

















:


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

thank you, farmer mama, for your honesty.

i, too, am going to stand up here and admit that we've made love next to a very asleep baby. i kind of walled her in w/ blankets on the other side of the bed and we scooted wwaaaaaaaaaayyyy over. (she's 7 months now.)

we also have...

* the bed in the morning when the kids are in their room busily playing...
* the bathroom
* the office
* the floor

and so on.









Quote:

I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here
:LOL


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

We have made love when my dd was sleeping near us as a baby or toddler. I don't feel it was abusive or sick.
We have gone to other rooms after dd got a little older- bathroom, living room, etc. We learned to do it standing up. We've done it at all different hours. We try to be discreet. My dd has walked in on us a few times because the room didn't have a door to close. Kind of awkward.
I prefer to do things when dd is asleep but that has always been hard to manage since dd would stay awake all night and dh worked during the day.
Now that our dd is almost 5, we've just started setting a timer each evening and tell dd that it is our alone time. We get her something to do and go in our room and close the door. When the timer goes off we come out. It works okay. She is fine. We don't always have sex, sometimes we just talk or touch... reconnect as a couple. I kind of wish we had started it earlier since lack of intimacy on a consistant basis has been a stressful on our relationship.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

Quote:

My relationship with the hubblet has gotten better because of our son
Hubblet! That is so cute.


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## KariM (Mar 13, 2004)

We're now sleeping in the "nursery" on our family bed comprised of two twin sized mattresses pushed together on the floor.

Our marital bed is available for alternative activities in the next room over. Before we moved to the family bed we had DD in the marital bed with us. Heck, she was conceived there and born there we thought it only right she sleep there.

After she got to be about 5 months old she was getting too big and I started to worry about her movement and safety issues.

We've been intimate in our bed with the baby in the bed sleeping and also in other rooms. Now it's convenient just to go back to our bed and leave DD sleeping in the next room in the family bed.

--Kari


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## rgarlough (Jul 18, 2002)

When ds was that young, 2 months, we wouldn't worry about him being in the same room (or in his cosleeper) when we DTD. Its not like we're marathoners or anything







so it didn't bother us. We would usually wait until he was asleep.

As ds grew, we would still try to refrain until he was sleeping. Whether that meant he was asleep on the couch or our bed, it just didn't matter. It would sort of freak dh out if ds was awake







Our son usually falls asleep between 7-8 pm so that was 'our' time.

I do have a dh that thinks once a week is more than enough so we really don't have a lot to coordinate...









But now that ds is a bit more impressionable and its just not quite 'right' to DTD with him awake at all, we're more apt to wait until the 7-8 pm window of opportunity









We have been known to use other rooms, couches, kitchen tables, what have you, to make sure that ds isn't disturbed by our actions







Course, he has woken up while we're DTD but since we're really not marathoners







he is tended to asap.


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## rgarlough (Jul 18, 2002)

OMG, my DSD busted us makin bacon when I was pg with ds! It was definitely an eye opener for all of us!







She used to be so impulsive and didn't have much for boundaries... but she sure does now!!! :LOL And we certainly had the door shut but she would just barge right in...


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## Vicitoria (Dec 17, 2004)

When Lukas was really little we just put him on a matress on the floor. Now we just put him in his bed and when he wakes up bring him to ours.

Co-sleeping is unconventional to begin with, conventional people don't understand it. Co-sleeping is incredibly intimate in itself. Sleeping is sleeping, sex is sex. They are two entirely different thing they just happen to be done in some of the same places.


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## RubyV (Feb 4, 2004)

We have sex whereever we find a spot that moment.









Yes, we've had sex with her in the bed when she was younger. Now we just go to the living room, bathroom whatever.

Besides, as SO put it, if the only screaming she hears us us having sex, then she's ina much happier home than most.


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## girlndocs (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *doctorjen*
I figure my kids know we make love, because babies keep showing up here

























DH & I found that when Dd was real small, rocking the bed got her to sleep very deeply









And can I just say: "Makin' bacon!"







:


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## MilkyMcGee (Jan 30, 2005)

I always find it humorous when people try to educate me about co-sleeping.
"You'll never have another child if you have one in your bed"

:LOL
Whoa, is someone from the school where you always had to do 'it' in the bed, under the covers with the lights off?
Hehe, that is _So_ 1950's grandma!

Obviously my dh gets some sex, 'cuz I managed to get myself pregnant again!
----

I wanted to add that we don't dtd in our bed anymore when the baby is there. We stopped because *I* was uncomfortable with it, not because the baby was paying attention


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Abusive?????? Yikes.

Its freezing here at the mo and we haven't considered doing it anywhere else than out warm bed for a while now.









We are ordinary folk, we look just like other people but we do co-sleep and we do still have a sexual relationship. If you find it too weird don't do it. I can't convince anyone else, only make it know that it is a possible choice among many others.

From here in the UK it seems that there is a polarisation of sexual relationships in the US at the moment; abstinence vs promiscuity, modesty vs sexual nudity (see Janet's nipple incident) which we don't have to such an extent here.

Does this have a bearing on the current discussion in some way?


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Orangefoot, I would say you've summed up the American ideas of sexuality pretty well. I don't know that people actually think about it that way, but that's kind of the bs that someone out there is trying to convince us is true. They say, "If you don't teach abstinence in school the kids will be sleeping with everyone, the teen pregnancy rate will rise...." etc. "If you're naked, you must have sexual intentions. If your child sees you naked, you must be some pervert." It's very strange. Sexuality is definitely discussed in terms of extremes. I think that could be related to people considering having sex near baby "abusive".


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## Morgraine (Mar 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
Dh
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

Well I am 32 weeks preg and still having sex. I don't know if the baby is awake or asleep. However, I am sure when my uterus tightens suddenly
s/he wonders what the heck? LOL

Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.


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## librarymom (May 25, 2004)

I have to share that our oldest child is 12, and my mother still tows the "how do you have sex" line. Our oldest is one of four, and we have been happily married and best friends for 14 1/2 years! Haven't we answered your question yet?? :LOL


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## cutekid (Aug 5, 2004)

I don't think there is anything worng with doin "IT" while your child is sleeping in your bed, right next to you. My DF and I did that for awhile, well until about two weeks ago when my DF and I were going at it and I looked over and my DS was wide awake with this frightened look on his face. SInce then there has been no nookie in this house


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## averymybaby (Jun 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Morgraine*

Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.









so very well said!


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## JavaFinch (May 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.


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## osioke (Jun 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
...
I think it's wrong to do it in teh room with your child no matter what the age is.

I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.

I wonder how you arrived at your opinion. Care to share?


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## trinity6232000 (Dec 2, 2001)

I left my daughters father while I was pregnant. So this issue isn't really apart of my daily life. BUT I can comment from the child's perspective. I co-slept with my parents from birth till about age 4/5. My parents slept on two twin beds pushed together cause they worked different shifts, and when my father came home in the morning it would wake my mom and then she couldn't fall back to sleep. Sometimes I would sleep in between them (when they weren't working) and sometimes I slept on a crib mattress on the floor.

ANYHOW. I remember slight memories of hearing "noises" as a child. I don't know if I was in the twin besides them, or on the floor. I don't remember much. But I don't think anything odd of my experience. I didn't put together my memories, of what was really happening till I was much older, and I still don't have any problem with it. Actually it's a comfort knowing that my parents who were turning 40 the year I was born, were still loving each other in a physical way. Not that 40 is old, but after having 3 teens in the house, and me the new baby. It's nice to know, you know.

Everybody keep on lovin on your partners. When there is love in a home, everything is good.


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## PurplePixiePooh (Aug 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
Dh I Use the living room, basement, spare room, shower, bath, and if we want to do it in our bed, then we move DS (26 months) to his brothers room.
I think it's wrong to do it in teh room with your child no matter what the age is.
I have seen posts from people who admit they do it with a sleeping baby in the bed next to them.Thats abusive imo.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I was specific when I said *In the bed next to them* (making love-whatever) while a child is literally right next to you in sick.

Does being so far up on your high horse make your nose bleed I wonder?

Please re-read your above replies. Can you not see how obviously offensive and outright rude they are? Accusing families of being sick and abusive for engaging in a beautiful, natural act of love and intamacy in the presence of an infant is just sad. Perhaps you hold such negative views of sex due to a childhood trauma of your own, but to point the finger at so many others for not holding to your own repressed ideals of sex is wrong.


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## nhklh (Oct 27, 2003)

I don't understand other people's issues with co-sleeping and intimacy either. I guess they're lacking in imagination and creativity?

We've made love with DS in a bassinett right by the bed asleep, no problems. Now we usually just go to a room other than the one DS is napping in. Today he napped in the loungeroom while we had mummies-time in the bedroom









If we or DS were getting some sort of kick out of DS's presence, that'd be wrong, but we're not. He sees us both naked all the time as well, takes showers/baths with us, it's just not a big deal.


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## Ms. Frizzle (Jan 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PurplePixiePooh*
Does being so far up on your high horse make your nose bleed I wonder?

Nope., Not at all







Does yours?
I have seen people use both the words 'sick' and 'abusive' and others when talking about CIO, Circumcision and spanking here at Mothering, and no one blinks an eye at it. Reason being, is cause the majority agree's that those things are wrong. Use those same words against something the majority does then all gloves comes off.
If you feel sex is an OK thing to do while laying next to your child then by all means, do it, and have fun. But my opinion has not, and will not change on the issue.
I'm done with this topic now, so if you want me to see any replies you should PM them, cause I wont be checking this thread again.


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Morgraine*
Seriously, having sex near a sleeping child is one of balance. Quitely under the covers in the dark is a lot difference, IMO, than pulling out the Karma Sutra for new ideas with all the lights on.

Honestly, I think you just know one day that you are not really comfortable with having sex near a sleeping child and at that point you change your practices. I think it is very personal and you never have to tell anyone anything about your sex life because this world is full of people who will judge you and jump to conclusions. Keep your own council and let people wonder. Do what it right for your family.

What an awesome post! You rock girl









ITA w/ what she said...

Kitty


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## JavaFinch (May 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ms. Frizzle*
I have seen people use both the words 'sick' and 'abusive' and others when talking about CIO, Circumcision and spanking here at Mothering, and no one blinks an eye at it. Reason being, is cause the majority agree's that those things are wrong. Use those same words against something the majority does then all gloves comes off.
If you feel sex is an OK thing to do while laying next to your child then by all means, do it, and have fun. But my opinion has not, and will not change on the issue.

In my case (since I don't know what other people do) I can say there is a HUGE difference between sex on one side of our King bed while ds sleeps on the far other side (and soon we will be upgrading to another Queen bed next to the King, so then it will be in a separate 'bed') and CIO or Circ or those other things you mentioned which is done *TO* a child. Here is the difference - My son has never been conscious when we have had sex - never. So how can it affect him if he is oblivious to it?? My son is a VERY deep sleeper, and I can tell by his breathing when he is sleeping. We also live in the country and no street lights plus blinds closed on the windows (to keep out even the moon light) means that even after an hour of your eyes adjusting to the dark, you can't see 12 feet in front of you. So at MOST my son would HEAR or feel the mattress moving a bit. Now, seeing as he's a very innocent child, he wouldn't know at all that **SEX** was going on.

Your view seems ultra prudish to me and judgemental based on some twisted view of what you THINK is going on in family beds who do this. It reminds me of someone who says nursing a child X years of age is "sick" or "abusive". It's just pure ignorance at best - and perversion at worst (meaning the one projecting these 'feelings' on the other is actually the one with the "issues")

Anyway, you're not reading this anyway, so maybe that's best. Sorry that my post was harsh. But your post insinuates that *I* am abusing my child, which is utter BS.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Jody ~ ITA ~ and if nothing else, even though Ms. Frizzle won't read them, your words will reach others who may come to this thread looking for information / advice / support.


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## willowsmom (Oct 28, 2004)

Wherever and whenever we can. Willow is pushing 2...and she certainly has no idea what's going on when mom and dad slip out of bed at night...or...toss the pillows onto the floor...

In my opinion...and completely in jest...people who think you can only have sex in your bed...CLEARLY aren't having enough sex.


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## Past_VNE (Dec 13, 2003)

My name is Jaclyn and I'm sick and abusive.










DH and have sex mostly in bed, but that's just because this rental house is so cold and drafty. Normally, we're much more creative. Jett is often in bed with us and generall asleep. Sometimes we get really sick and twisted (







) and do it when he's awake. He just hangs out, cooing at the ceiling fan - definitely has no idea what we're doing.

In other cultures, this is perfectly normal.

We'll stop when it seems awkward. As said above, I don't want him crawling over us! LOL...the ferrets try to do that and it's a huge distraction. Or watching us....the dog does that - looking at us like, 'No fair. I never get any. Why should you guys?"


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## KermitMissesJim (Feb 12, 2004)

Dd slept in a bassinet that was on the same level as our mattress. We were makin' bacon when she was 5 months old and she woke up. She just started babbling, and I cracked up because it sounded like she was giving color commentary or play-by-play to a baseball game. It's one of my favorite memories.


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## proudpapa (Oct 19, 2004)

Our oldest will be 9 in June. He has been sleeping in our room for most of his 9 years.

He has a bed on the floor right next to my wife's side of our bed.

We manage fine.


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## Galatea (Jun 28, 2004)

My dh was never comfortable doing it in bed while ds was there. That was fine with me, b/c we never did it in bed anyway. We always preferred the couch or floor or wherever. When ds was really little, we'd put him asleep in his swing and have a 1/2 hour of peace.

I never understand this question. Doing it in bed at night *only* is boring and uncreative!


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## IncaMama (Jun 23, 2004)

well, i'm a sicko then. we've made love while our DS was on the other side of the bed. he never woke up. i suppose he'll grow up and be a serial killer now.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelemiller*
i suppose he'll grow up and be a serial killer now.

















:

:LOL


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## HelloKitty (Apr 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Galatea*
Doing it in bed at night *only* is boring and uncreative!

And yet we are still evil sinners!


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## squirrelletta (Jan 25, 2005)

You guys are a riot, I never thought my post would be so...(GASP!)...SCANDALOUS!

OK, Im going to go do it...Im bored...LOL


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