# 6 week apointment and pictures



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I had my six week appointment yesterday and the good news is that my body is recovering fine. No signs of infection and the bleeding that I had experienced starting on Jan 25th was indeed my first period after the loss. My midwife says we can try for another pregnancy as soon as we feel up to it, but we still want to wait for another few months at least.

However we also got in the reports from the cord sample and the autopsy on the placenta. The cord sample was so deteriorated from the infection that genetic testing was imposible. However the midwife feels strongly that there were no genetic factors involved. The placental autopsy revealed a small blood clot and a virulent infection. We of course already knew about the infection, but the blood clot has me worried. It may mean that I have a clotting disorder that could cause more problems in the future. However my midwife told me that it isn't uncommon for blood to clot in the placenta after the death of the baby so it is likely that the clot wasn't involved. So unfortunately these reports didn't give us any additional information.

I also wanted to share somthing else with you all. I have built a website for Arawyn with pictures and her story. I felt it was the only way I really had to parent her and share her with the world. It would mean alot to me if everyone who feels comfortable doing so would take a look at it and tell me what you think. And thank you all so much for your support.

http://members.fortunecity.com/iris0110


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Shannon, posting here with tears, so me of sadness and some of joy at how beautiful and perfect Arawyn is. Her tiny fingers are so perfect. I was in awe of my daughter's feet and hands. For some reason that's what struck me most about her. Thank you SO much for sharing her with us. I'll look through her website later this evening when I have the proper time to go through it.

10 yeas ago when Amanda was stillborn we were told that in 90% of all stillbirths no cause is found and no genetic anomalies are present. That's reassuring, but it also leaves us with questions. A part of grief that can be very frustrating, but it's a part of it non-the-less and it's normal to feel that frustration and anxiety at not knowing exactly what happened.

I've also heard that a clot can form after a baby dies, so it dose sound like you're getting good information.

How are you feeling now? Physically and emotionally? I can imagine you're feeling very drained about now. Please know we're still here to listen and support you. Please continue taking good care of yourself. Though you're recovered, you're body is still going through a great deal. May sure you're keeping hydrated and getting enough rest.

Again, thank you for sharing your daughter with us


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## SamuraiEarthMama (Dec 3, 2002)

dear shannon!

what a loving and moving tribute to your beautiful daughter.

the pictures on the first page were squished, very short and stretched wide. but the pictures on the birth story page were perfect.

thank you so much for sharing your powerful story! every caregiver should be made to read it, and understand what it's like to be left in limbo for so long. i'm so sorry you had to go through all that, and then deal with what happened next. that's just too much to ask of a mom!

but your dignity and love shines through beautifully on these pages. i'm so glad you decided to share your daughter with us. i know i will never forget her story.

i am so glad to hear that you are healing well. you are such a strong woman! and maybe... someday... i'll start seeing you on the pregnancy after loss board, too. when the right time comes!

warmly,

katje


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

shannon,

Thank you for sharing your daughter with us. She is so beautiful, and I can see how much she is loved. I'm so sorry the hospital put you through so much, in addition to losing your daughter. Sometimes I think the only thing that let me get through it all was how wonderful my family, friends, and the hospital staff were to us.


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## wolfmom (Jan 10, 2003)

Shannon - i just wanted to tell you how beautiful your website is! You are so lucky to have those beautiful pictures of your precious daughter. I hope your physical healing continues to go well and that you may have many pleasant memories of your daughter.
love,


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## Jane (May 15, 2002)

I read all of Arawyn's website and it is lovely. Thank you for posting it and sharing with me.


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## Katana (Nov 16, 2002)

Shannon, it's just so beautiful to see the love that you and your husband have for Arawyn. Those pictures are just so incredibly touching and beautiful.

Thank you for sharing them and her story with us. I love the poem on the front page, too.


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## Ellie'sMom (Aug 10, 2002)

Your daughter is beautiful. Thank you for sharing her and your story.


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## saturnine25 (Mar 26, 2002)

Thank you for sharing your daughter's website with us, and allowing us the privilege of remembering her. The photos were beautiful.


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## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Your website is gorgeous and your daughter is just perfect. My heart is with you and my spirit is holding you.
Gossamer


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## Mom2baldie (Oct 29, 2002)

Shannon,

I went to your daughters website and she is just precious. Thank you so much for sharing her pictures and story with us.

with love,


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Thank you all so much for veiwing her website and responding. It means so much to me to be able to share her with you all. I feel like sharing her makes her more real, and helps me be more really her parent. I want everyone to know that I am the mother of not one but two children. Now that I have the pictures from the hospital I have a picture of her to carry in my wallet. It is nice to have her picture there along with the pictures of my son. It helps me to feel like she is really with me where ever I go.

Ms Mom, I am recovering very well physically. My midwife released me to return to doing pilates as I had been before I became pregnant. I am also walking a mile a day, and my body is begining to feel strong again. Also the exercise helps me to relax and feel at ease. I am begining to see my body as stong and competent again and that is really helping me get better.

I know what you mean about the feet and hands. I was so awe struck when my son was born by how tiny and perfect his toes and fingers were. I felt the same awe when I looked at Arawyn. I was amazed at how perfectly formed her fingers were. I even unwrapped her and examined her toes. I counted them and marveled at the little toenails growing on the tip of each little toe. From all the pregnancy books I had read I expected her to look more alien, but when I saw her I was amazed by how beautiful she was. She looked just like my son did the day he was born, except she was so much tinier and obviously she was a girl not a boy. I was so glad I got to hold her and take pictures of her. It really helped to make her more real for me. Now I can always remember her as a perfectly formed tiny baby instead of a shadowy ultrasound picture.

I am still having some problems dealing with everything emotionaly. The worst I feel has passed and I am no longer crying every day, but there is still a dull ache that won't go away. Every once in a while I still feel some guilt about moving on and enjoying myself. It almost seems like I am dishonoring her by being happy without her. I know it isn't true and that these feelings will pass, but sometimes they are hard to get through. I know I will always wonder what she could have been, and what it would have been like to raise her. I can imagine what our family would look like several years from now with her and ds growing happily together. But these images are more bittersweet now than tragic as they were in the begining. Now even though they bring tears to my eyes I also smile at the thought of her chasing Ds through the yard or hiding behind the couch. ANd I know these images of her are a good thing. They just show that I loved her and that my feelings of sorrow are justified.

The past two nights I have been having disturbing dreams as well. I can't remember them when I wake up, but I know they are about Arawyn. I am just left with a feeling of unease or the fleeting glimpse of a baby when I wake up. I don't know why I am having these dreams now when I didn't have any in the begining. I wonder if they are an affect of my hormones much like the odd dreams I have when I am pregnant, or if they are just another way my mind is trying to deal with my loss. I don't know whether this is normal or not. Has any one else experienced this?

This is much longer than I meant for it to be, but it feels good to have a place to get it all out. Thank you all so much for just listening to me and not thinking I'm completely crazy.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Arawyn is beautiful! It made me so sad to see her- I remember holding my Nazir just 2 weeks before your precious Arawyn was born. Such incredible sadness and wistfulness and a million other emotions wrapped up into one experience.

Thank goodness you are healing, at least physically. Take care of yourself.

ST


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Shannon, I just read your post that came up as I was posting and I just wanted to let you know that I'm sure the dreams are perfectly normal. I felt my son kicking me from inside the womb for _6 weeks_ after I gave birth. It stopped when my husband, mom and stepdad went on a trip to the caribbean in mid Jan. If that's not crazy, I don't know what is...


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

Arawyn is beautiful, what a very nice tribute you have done for her.
thank you for sharing Arawyn and her website with us

((hugs))

Tara


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Thank you so much for sharing Arawyn with us.

She is beautiful.


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