# My 4 year old hits me...randomly



## mommabeehilly (Nov 16, 2008)

Sheesh, where do I start??? OK facts...I am a SAHM with a 4 year old girl and an infant son.

My 4 year old daughter is really pushing my buttons. She is defiant. That's the only description word that both DH and I can agree on to describe her. It is a constant power struggle in our house. She wants everything *her* way and on *her* timing.

Today I had a friend over and her two children. My daughter was the oldest child of the bunch by 1.5 years. She wouldn't share her toys (as is common whenever we have friends over). She hoarded her toys, hid in her room and did a lot of yelling. I was embarrassed, but gratefully this is a friend that I trust and she was very understanding of me and how hard it was for me. I mean I know that I cannot control my child. Later today just the two of us went to the store (my DD and myself) and she hit me square in the face. I flinched because this is not the first time this has happened. When I asked what was going on she said that she was trying to hit the air (great, so she lies too). This is a concrete example of her behaviors.

I am home with her all day everyday. It is hard for me to take her out as I cannot physically wrangle both her and the baby. It is absolutely unhealthy for us to stay home all of the time, but it seems to be the lesser of the evils. I am miserable here. I feel that I am constantly prepping her ("we have friends coming over and we will have to share....." or "when I let you know that it is time to go we need to go..." etc.) or holding boundaries ("yes, you can have 2 toys in the tub" and she dumps the whole bucket in or "no jumping on the bed (while I am nursing)"). And my efforts seem like a waste. It is as if she won't do anything I say without some kind of consequence or yelling. I hate it. I feel that I have to have threats or a nasty voice to get her to do anything.

I have tried telling her what I want (instead of what I don't want), I've tried time-ins, time-outs, I've tried kind voice, stern voice, firm voice. Help!


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## SpottedFoxx (Feb 8, 2010)

Sounds like you have a bit of a power struggle on your hands. Have you tried giving choices vs. telling her what you want/don't want. It's tough because you have to make sure you are okay with either choice you are offering to her.

"honey, hiding your toys may seem like a fun game but it seems like your friend isn't enjoying it much. The two of you can either play dominos or trouble. Which game would you like to play?"

"Honey, you are allowed to have two toys in the bath. I know how much you enjoy all your toys but it just too much of a mess for Mommy to clean up. You can either take two toys of your choice or Mommy can pick them out for you". ~dumps all toys into bath~ "Oh, that wasn't one of your choices, I'll guess you don't want any toys in the tub" ~removes toys~ She'll probably pitch a fit. Allow it. Next time she has a bath "now remember your last bath and you chose no toys. I don't think you meant to choose that as you seemed very unhappy. Which two toys would you like to choose for this bath or would you like Mommy to pick them out for you". Rinse.Rather.Repeat

My son was having a rough morning. I told him "either you start getting dressed by the time I count to three or you will have to lose your TV time". After counting to 3 (which took about 5 minutes) he was obviously not going to get moving. I told him calmly "I guess you don't want TV time this morning. That's okay. I'm going to make your breakfast, if you aren't dressed, you will have to lose your TV time this evening. He got dressed, ate breakfast and asked for TV. I told him he chose not to watch TV. He got upset and I told him that maybe next time he'll choose something different. Next day started the same but when I reminded him of yesterday's choice, he immediately jumped out of bed and got dressed.

I've gotten a lot of these ideas from Love & Logic. I don't like a lot of their suggestions but giving choices to a child who likes control is very helpful.


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