# single mom ok to miscarry alone? UPDATED#21 & 22



## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

i just found out today my baby is no longer alive. i'm 10 weeks and the baby is 7.4 weeks. i have ds 3 yo and dd 1 yo.

i'm a single mom. baby daddy decided not to stick around tonight, although he stopped by with some food for our two kids.

my symptoms as of now are slight bleeding. doctor said my cervix is closed. i've been queasy for 2 days. and i'm getting cramping in my lower back. i know this could take a while to get started. i feel dehydrated i've been crying so much.

any suggestions for getting a miscarriage started? and please forgive me for asking before i do a search.

the doc gave me a choice between d/c and natural miscarriage. he's the only one i trust to do a d/c, but i have to wait until next thursday.

so do i need to be worrying about being alone? what if i bleed too much? what if i'm in pain and i wake the kids up in the night and i can't help them?


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## ABand3 (May 21, 2005)

Hugs mama.

Take care of yourself. If you feel dehydrated, keep drinking. Eat. I had a natural m/c at 12 weeks and kind of gave up on taking care of myself- stopped drinking, eating, and then did get dehydrated enough to have really low bp once the bleeding really started, and went to the hosp (no d&c, just IV fluid).

Do you have a relative, friend, neighbor who could come stay with you? Or at least call you periodically to check on you?


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

i do have my mom and a friend.

i'm so used to doing things by myself it's hard to call you know?

also i did a search and i think adding herbs or anything else to get it started is a bad idea . . . a thread i read mentioned waiting until my body was hormonally ready.


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## ABand3 (May 21, 2005)

I would tend to agree that it's probably best just to let your body do the work when it's ready, even though the waiting for it to be over can seem so long.

It's hard to ask for help, but if your mom or friend would be supportive and understanding, calling might take some of the worry off you.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

i just want to send you a big hug mama. this is such a hard thing to go through and i am sorry that your baby's daddy is being so selfish right now.









the OB i saw when i found out my baby had died told me this- if you totally soak one heavy duty overnight pad in one hour, that's okay, but if you do it again the next hour then that is too much bleeding. i think you'll be okay physically, but emotionally it might be really helpful to have somebody there, even if only to care for your other children. i know that i couldn't have adequately cared for mine when i was dealing with my miscarriage.

i am so sorry that you lost your baby.


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

thank you mamas. it's hard to know when things will happen. i just don't want to be passed out or bleeding too much home alone. thats what makes the waiting tough.

i appreciate your words and your kindness. thank you


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

it is so hard to know you have a dead baby inside you. it's so hard be cause i wanted my baby. it's hard to let go. it's hard to stop crying. it sucks to have thought it wouldn't happen to me.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I hope this is not to late too respond. Dh took my kids bcs the blood was too much for him. He called a friend over for me and she was there the whole time. Personally, i could not have done it alone, especially w/ my kids. My 1st m/c was like labor and was really difficult physically and emotionally. Then i could not get out of bed for about 24 hrs. I would definately ask for help.
My 2nd mc was very easy and i wasn't even sure if it was over so it might not be difficult but i would prepare for that just in casen.
i am so sorry that you are going through this and i wish that i could be there to help.


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *theboysmama*
I hope this is not to late too respond.

thank you mama. i think it's going to take a while. i'm really not ready to not be pregnant yet. thank you that helps very much.

i'm sorry for your loss.


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

I had a missed m/c at six weeks. I waited for two weeks to let it happen naturally, and got impatient and took cytotec (vaginally). My m/c started a few hours later. I doped myself up on ibuprofen and went to bed. When I awoke, I was bleeding heavily (but not dangerously so). My dh had to work, so I was alone. I was ok, considering. I had had a full term loss only four months before, so I was a wreak of course, but physically it went very smoothly, actually. I passed the sack that morning. I just took it really easy and laid on the couch most of the day. I don't have children, though, so maybe you could find a babysitter. But I guess the only problem is you won't know when it will start by letting it happen naturally. That's my two cents. I hope you are ok.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

I am so sorry
















I am not saying this to scare you, but I had a natural miscarriage and the pain I experienced at the worst of the cramping/contractions was the worst pain I have ever felt (keeping in mind I never went in to labour with my dd - she was delivered by emergency c-section early). It is not something I would have been able to cope with alone, especially while taking care of my dd. I encourage you to look for support from your mom or your friends.


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## Cardinal (Feb 6, 2006)

hugs and kisses to you mama. I am so sorry.
I am not trying to equate my experience with yours... but about a wk ago I had a m/c and my baby got rotavirus. no kidding. same day. dh is in iraq. i had to go to the ER by myself (with dc of course) with no help. it was bad. but I am here, okay and alive. you'll get through this tough time. just take it easy, drink lots of water, and relax. sometimes just working yourself up wtih anxiety and stress is the worst part of it all.


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## chrissy (Jun 5, 2002)

how are you doing mama? i've been thinking of you.


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

thinking of you...all bodies are different, but with both my m/c people were around, but didn't know what was happening. So, in essence I was alone.


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

thank you mamas. nothing but tears and thinking. the bleeding is slightly increasing. i've been wondering if it will be like my other two labors. i can handle the pain, i had an epidural for my first and the second was natural. i don't know what i'll see when it all comes out.

the baby has been dead for 3 almost 4 weeks. and i still am having a hard time believing this is me. like i have to remember the baby is dead. when i'm pregnant the thoughts are just so hopeful and happy, i was excited about getting big. i was excited to do my labor. also hard is the fact that my last labor ended up with a medwife fiasco and a trauma that hasn't healed over. i know it dumb but i've blamed her.

we ate a good dinner last night. went to bed. slept really good. now i'm having a big cup of coffee. then i'll start with the water and juice. i've been working on visualizing the baby letting go and coming out. i read a lot of the miscarriage sticky here.

this is so selfless of me - i'm a teacher and my students are having high stakes tests this tuesday and wednesday. my students are really low in their reading skills. things would run smoothly if i were there. so i've been thinking of them alot. i know i can take time off, but it's always so hard to get sub plans written up. i don't want to start bleeding at work. then i'd have to explain to all the kids. they are 8th and 6th grade. this is NOT a time to be selfless.

thank you mamas


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## babybugmama (Apr 7, 2003)

Again, I've heard a range of discomfort...but for my experiences, both of mine were like a hard period. I was able to tolerate the physical discomfort, the emotional, was of course, a totally different thing.

Take care of yourself, that's what is important...


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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

I struggled with going to work also. I am a massage therapist, so I feel guilty if I have to cancel on people. But I think you should take some time off. I don't think you should try to work when you have so much on your plate. I'm telling you this because I think sometimes we need permission to take time out for ourselves. So go ahead and get a sub.


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

I had my DP there when I had miscarried. It was like a hard short labor for me. Lots (!) of blood, and very uncomfortable. Wierd hard contractions that were centered in my lower back. It was the middle of the night so the kids slept through it. I would have been very scared without DP there. I was able to call my mw in the middle of the mc for reassurance. But the worst of it was 2 hours. I would not have been able to manage my kids during the worst of it. For my other two mc, it was earlier, more like an intense AF. If I have to go through it again, I will be less scared, because I know that no matter how intense it is, it will pass.

I am sorry this is happening Mama. As far as your scheduling in the upcoming week, my MC didn't happen until I felt peace and safety and was able to focus and be ready for it to happen.

I hope you can have a loving person be there for you when it happens. It is hard and sad no matter how it goes down.

Take care Mama.

ND


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

dear mamas, thank you so much. it's may seem so small to you, but just to know someone is thinking of me helps. nothing more but increasing brown bleeding.

bd has been more than a Jerk.

and the analyzing mind never stops. so i was thinking - i have really dry scalp after my dd was born. my mom told me to go to the endocrinologist - so maybe i need to stop thinking for a while, sleep sounds good! i hate that babies can pass with no reason ever to find out.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *makawee*
i hate that babies can pass with no reason ever to find out.

Me too sweety


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

i've got some relief!

i passed blood clots last night. no pain, no contractions, just slight cramping and lost a lot of blood - enough to make me dizzy and sleepy. i'm still nursing and taking prenatals - so i took a dose of vitamin (Super Nutrition) and that should help.

i had help. one friend came over and made dinner for the kids and myself. he served me all night long with food, water and juice. my other friend came over and the first thing she said was "are you ready to go". go where? her only experience with miscarriage is in the hospital. we didn't go anywhere - except out to the living room for a juice/water break.

i found what i think is the baby. i saved everything and it's in the fridge.

there may be more tonight. my same friends will come back over.

thank you for all the prayers and vibes. i truly believe that it has helped me profoundly. i couldn't have done it alone.


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## makawee (Jan 23, 2005)

no more blood clots last night.

i got a massage today from a woman who gave me lots of good energy.

today i felt a little sorry for bd that he needs to be such a jerk. he can't cry, he hasn't given me a hug, or let me hug him, he hasn't said anything - he keeps all his trauma inside.

i'm ok. i'm grieving. i'm crying and getting hugged.


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## isaiahsmommy05 (Jul 1, 2005)

I'm really sorry







I'm glad you have some support.


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## ABand3 (May 21, 2005)

makawee, I'm glad you have your friends with you to help.


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