# 8 y/o nephew pooping himself and what my bro did about it.



## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

My brother called me the other day to tell me they would not be coming for our combined Thanksgiving/Christmas celebration this year because his DS pooped himself. He told him that if he did it a second time they would not make the four hour trek to my house for the holiday. Obviously since they're not coming you can tell what happened. How can somebody do something so cruel? Take away a holiday? When I asked him to see why nephew was doing this he said "I don't know". I asked him if he tried to find out and he told me no. How can I as an Aunt help this poor boy?


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## QueenOfThePride (May 26, 2005)

That sounds really wierd. That boy needs to see a doctor ASAP! Kids sometimes react with toileting issues when they expereince abuse.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

I agree with QotP. It doesn't seem normal for an 8 year old to suddenly start pooping themselves. Is your brother planning on taking him to a doctor?


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

That boy needs to see a doctor ASAP!








:

Send/show your bro articles/research about why he could be doing it.

Show your nephew how much you love him; ie phone, cards, etc.







poor kid


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## frowningfrog (Aug 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueenOfThePride*
That sounds really wierd. That boy needs to see a doctor ASAP! Kids sometimes react with toileting issues when they expereince abuse.









: again...
and do whatever it takes to get your brother to listen to you and stop punishing his child for it .....even if it was just an accident (which I hope it is) ..thats still way harsh of a punishment.


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## the_queen (Nov 3, 2005)

Zombiewaif, this sounds just like my family. One of my nephews, about the same age, is going through this exact same thing. When my DH was talking to his brother about it (the child's dad), DH asked how he was dealing with the problem. BIL said that the child was only doing it out of laziness (WTH???) and last time it happened, he (dad) had grabbed the boy and RUBBED HIS NOSE IN IT.......







I could not beleive it. I was so glad that it was not me talking to BIL or else I would not have been able to control what I said to him!!
















I just don't understand some people. I'm not close to my SIL so I can't suddenly ring her up and tell her how to raise her kids (also, she is about 20 years older than me and has always treated me like I am beneath her re: parenting... This is a woman who SMACKED my 6 month old DD's hand (quite hard!) to illustrate how to keep her away from the TV!!! I haven't really spoken to her about parenting since then obviously....)

I feel so sorry for our nephew, but I don't know how I can help in any way. Part of me wants to report them to Child Welfare - but I don't think that will help anyone.... I'm interested to read other poster's say that it can be an indicator of abuse - but how do I raise that with the parents??
Zombiewaif, sorry to have hijacked your thread


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_queen*
Zombiewaif, this sounds just like my family. One of my nephews, about the same age, is going through this exact same thing. When my DH was talking to his brother about it (the child's dad), DH asked how he was dealing with the problem. BIL said that the child was only doing it out of laziness (WTH???) and last time it happened, he (dad) had grabbed the boy and RUBBED HIS NOSE IN IT.......







I could not beleive it. I was so glad that it was not me talking to BIL or else I would not have been able to control what I said to him!!
















Ugh. This is awful. I would DEFINITELY wonder if something else was going on there. I don't know what you could do about it, though. Maybe you can talk to dh's parents and gang up on them?


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## Jane (May 15, 2002)

I appreciate that he is going through with his "threat", but I'm not sure punishment is appropriate for such an unusual behavior - it makes me think there is something else going on. Eight year olds sometimes don't finish their homework or leave spilled milk on the floor, but deciding not to use the bathroom is unusual.


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## the_queen (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Apricot*
Eight year olds sometimes don't finish their homework or leave spilled milk on the floor, but deciding not to use the bathroom is unusual.


ITA Apricot! My first thought was that my nephew was getting beaten up in the toilets at school, or something like that. Or he'd been humiliate by a teacher because he'd asked to go to the toilet during class.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

I have a relative and her son would poop himself and she decided to spank him for it. Well this went on for a while till she finally came to her sences and took him to the dr. Turnes out that he had a partial blockage and couldnt control when the poop came out as it kinda squeezed past this blockage. The mother still feels awfull about what she did to him. But maybe that is what is wrong with the nephew?


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## mamajama (Oct 12, 2002)

Reach out to your nephew as much as you can. If his father seems unwilling to look further into the problem, try talking to his wife (if she's around). As everyone else has said, and I'm sure you know, this behaviour is indicative of a larger problem that absolutely need to be addressed at all costs. The kid's in trouble. Could you send the boy a care package including a calling card so he can phone you if he wants to? That would be a good start anyway.

Oh I'm so worried for him. Please keep us updated.


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## MiamiMami (Feb 1, 2005)

and send it to your BIL. Its about encopresis.....

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/T086100.asp


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Is he afraid that his son will do this in the car or at someone else's house and not be able to clean up?


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *the_queen*
ITA Apricot! My first thought was that my nephew was getting beaten up in the toilets at school, or something like that. Or he'd been humiliate by a teacher because he'd asked to go to the toilet during class.


i think this would be a great way to raise concern for the child in the parents without attacking them.


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## SharonAnne (Jul 12, 2004)

I did this when I was about four, after my brother was born. I don't really remember it, but I do remember that my mother beat the life out of me for it. That didn't stop me from doing it, go figure.

Anyway, I agree, there's something more going on. This is a symptom of a bigger problem. For me, it was feeling neglected and left out and thinking on some level that I could regress to babyhood and have my mommy back 100%. Not sure what it could be for your nephew, but I'm living proof that punishments don't work. You have to find the underlying cause.

Tell your brother to email me if you want.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

Children who are abused or sexually abused often have bowel/bladder control issues. He also could have a physical problem, like an op mentioned, like an intestinal blockage, etc. He could also be using as a way to strike back at controlling, punishing parents (but I don't know for sure). I feel so bad for that child!


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## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

There are also lots of physiological reasons this is happening every thing from allergies to petitt mal sezuires. When my sister was around five she started having petitt mal sezuirs and would wet and soil her self during them it was the only outward symptom and it took them months to finally diagnose. Sadley in the interim my stepfather punished her and my sister still has baggage about it at 16. My ds is allergic to milk and even the smallest amount of contamination can cause him to soil him self. May be you could share some of the resonses to your post with your DB.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Please look up encropresis.......... Yes it can start suddenlly! At that age you are less likely to notice that he only bm's once a week. I would not jump to abuse because constipation is much more likely the reason for this boys issue.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/t086200.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/t081100.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/t086100.asp

Quote:

Soiling pants, medically known as encopresis, is much more common in boys than in girls. It occurs more in children with a strong sense of privacy or a strong tendency to concentrate on an activity to the point that they are unwilling to stop long enough to use the toilet. By understanding why this unpleasant problem occurs, you can help your child master his bowel habits.


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

I think I have come up with a solid reason for the incident, but it still doesn't help me with a solution because they think it's his problem and not theirs. Bro works normal 8 hour 5day a week job. SIL works doubles on weekend and has gone back to school during the week. This is her second or third year of this and the classes are of course getting harder and she has labs to do. The only time to do them is when nephew gets home from school. She has resorted to placing him in a Latchkey program in which Bro picks him up. They just moved to a new rental house because their old rental is being leveled for new construction on the college where Bro works and SIL attends. SIL has no patience for Nephew due to his ADD. She will yell and scream at him, place idle threats to take away privlidges and not actually follow through and Bro always yells spanks or sends him to his room. My mom and I have offered to get nephew on DHA supplements and things of that nature to help with the ADD. My Mom offered to teach nephew how to knit that way he had something to do with his hands. SIL gets mad when he wants to do crafts ie. painting, play dough and other things that would be great outlets for his mind in order to focus. SIL just yells at him and tells him "You are wearing me out". That is an awful thing to say to your son. The whole thing makes me ill, thanks to all of you for letting me get this out.


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zombiewaif*
I think I have come up with a solid reason for the incident, but it still doesn't help me with a solution because they think it's his problem and not theirs. Bro works normal 8 hour 5day a week job. SIL works doubles on weekend and has gone back to school during the week. This is her second or third year of this and the classes are of course getting harder and she has labs to do. The only time to do them is when nephew gets home from school. She has resorted to placing him in a Latchkey program in which Bro picks him up. They just moved to a new rental house because their old rental is being leveled for new construction on the college where Bro works and SIL attends. SIL has no patience for Nephew due to his ADD. She will yell and scream at him, place idle threats to take away privlidges and not actually follow through and Bro always yells spanks or sends him to his room. My mom and I have offered to get nephew on DHA supplements and things of that nature to help with the ADD. My Mom offered to teach nephew how to knit that way he had something to do with his hands. SIL gets mad when he wants to do crafts ie. painting, play dough and other things that would be great outlets for his mind in order to focus. SIL just yells at him and tells him "You are wearing me out". That is an awful thing to say to your son. The whole thing makes me ill, thanks to all of you for letting me get this out.

that is so horrible! i'm so sorry your nephew is going through all that. maybe like someone else said you can reach out to your nephew and let him know there is somewhere to turn to.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I agree that punishment is the wrong response to this problem, and that the poor kid needs to see a doctor. At the same time -- I have to say that I would not venture out on a 4 hour car trip to stay with relatives if my 8 yo. son was suddenly pooping himself. Such a trip sounds like a sure way to set up the whole family up for a miserable couple of days. I would also keep him home, though I would be more sensitive to him and more proactive about finding a reason.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Sadly, when it is not your kid, you are some what limited in what you can do. At the very least, you can email/snailmail them some info on it. What is SIL going to school for? Maybe if there is some why to speak to her in those terms she'll understand. If she is doing labs, suggest she take a more logical look at why he is doing it. If they must punish him, at least let the punishment make sense ei, he has to clean it up. Give him everything he needs to do clean it and let him take responsibility for it. If it keeps happening, then I would say what others have- take him in for a check up. Also, what about suggesting to them one night as a family night, kid's choice. I know it's only one night but maybe it will help create a positve loop. If the parents also enjoy, it will not be such a "chore" when he needs their attention- a chance to reconnect. It's a pretty safe bet that they are in school to better their family, a noble endeavor indeed. Sometimes people just have to remember why they are doing something.


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

Spoke with SIL for the first time since the incident. As far as her nursing labs and clinicals she is almost done. She and nephew recently began going to counseling to help get through the ADD issues. He is being tested on Wed for learning disabilities and they finally got him in to a Doc. He has a food allergy. Certain forms of milk choc mixed with peanut butter act as a laxative in the poor fella. The thing is, my bro (Mr. Punisher), is the one who caused this. Apparently during the move to the new house bro was letting nephew eat junk food instead of normal food because he didn't "feel" like cooking or buying food out. Punishing his son for his actions, I hope he feels bad. The good news is that SIL was off for break and took some time to take care of her son. I don't always agree with everything she does, but at least she is trying. thank you all for your words and support.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My then 6yo cousin did that around the time his father died. I remember being there after the funeral (I was a teenager at the time) and I calmly helped to clean him up and then discreetly told his mother about it afterwards. She told me he was having medical issues with not feeling the urge and thus not making it to the toilet in time.

I'm not sure exactly what they did, but I know it was resolved. Even as a teenager, it never occured to me to do anything other than clean him up discreetly and calm him down. How can an adult be so insensitive?


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