# Don't Know Where To Begin



## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

I gave birth to my precious son on January 25, 2009. Sadly, I had a stillborn delivery when he was 29.5 weeks.

We named him Calvin Samuel - Calvin, for my husband's love of Calvin and Hobbes, and because the character is so mischievous.

Calvin was always a kicker - but on Friday morning, I just noticed squirming. I thought he must have been having a tired day. When the squirming continued, but no kicks, we decided to go the hospital early Saturday morning. Then we were given the bad news.

He was so beautiful. He had more hair than we thought he would, had my husband's ears, my toes and our daughter's nose.

Calvin was our "miracle" child - we had gone through 2 failed fertility drug treatments, 2 failed IUI procedures, 1 failed IVF procedure, and this was our 2nd IVF procedure.

We are so heartbroken right now. Our daughter, who is 3.5 years old, is getting us through many of the long hours.

It's so hard to talk to family or friends. I just want to crawl into my bed and never come out.

Thanks for listening.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

oh love, I'm so so sorry for your loss.







:.







:


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## MarilynP (Nov 25, 2008)

so sorry


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss, mommy.









this is a good place to come. we have been through this too, and we are just here to remember calvin and support you through this nightmare. much love.








Calvin Samuel


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I'm so terribly, terribly sorry that you have needed to join us. Your son sounds utterly adorable.

We are here to listen and support you anyway we can.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss of precious Calvin Samuel.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your lose. Calvin is a great name and I'm sure it fit him perfectly.

You are in our thoughts and prayers and as others have said, you've come to the right place if you need to talk.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss of sweet Calvin. It's not a fun place to be, but so many of us are walking with you.







I can tell you that things will get better as time goes on, but there will always be a place in your heart for your missing boy. Many hugs to your family. Come here often, it's been very helpful for me to read other womens stories and also to write my feelings.


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## maemaemama (Oct 10, 2007)

oh how awful. so sorry. go ahead, crawl into bed. it's ok. do what you need to do, now is the time to ask family for help and grieve.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm so sorry, mama.







He sounds adorable and I love his name.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss, mama.







What a great name you chose. He sounds beautiful, mama. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you, your DH and family.














:

Calvin


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

for Calvin Samuel and







for you.

You're in exactly the right place for support, mama.


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## michanders4 (Jul 24, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss







.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I am so sorry for the loss of your little Calvin Samuel.


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## mommato5 (Feb 19, 2007)

I am so sorry!!


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## mollyb33 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm so, so sorry that you don't have your precious son Calvin with you. Sadly I know how devestating this pain is and I'm very sorry that you're joining us here for this reason. Calvin is such a great name. I have found some peace in talking with other moms who've been through this, and I hope it brings you a little as well.































Calvin


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

I am so sorry... so so very very sorry. This is a great place for support, and to know that there are so many mama's waiting in line to do anything they can to help you. I am just so sorry.

Praying for your lil guy, Calvin.


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## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. I wish we all did not have to go through this.

Tomorrow will be a very difficult day. We have made arrangements to hold Calvin's burial service tomorrow.

I will definitely come to the boards often, and read and respond to other questions/rants, etc. Not to mention, writing my own feelings.

Thank you again, Mama's.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.









Calvin


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss








: Calvin Samuel

Hugs to you mama


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## Sanguine (Sep 8, 2006)

I'm so sorry. I hope tomorrow can be healing in some way, though it will be very hard.







Calvin Samuel


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## amrijane128 (Jan 6, 2007)

I am so sorry.


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## iamama (Jul 14, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so very sorry for your loss of Calvin.
He sounds beautiful.


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## Carolyn R (Mar 31, 2008)

Sending thoughts of peace and healing. You will get through this but it is SO hard. You are at the beginning of a long journey, I am wishing you strength and security as you work through this exhausting grief. You will emerge strong and beautiful. Holding you in my thoughts.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

So, so sorry for your loss


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## Kat's Mommy (Jan 2, 2006)

Calvin's service was beautiful. It was a beautiful, snowy day. When my DH and I started planning his funeral, we had chosen yesterday because the weather network said that there was a snow storm on Thursday (not Wednesday). I honestly believe that my son pulled the old switcheroo on his parents because the snow storm was the day of his burial, and I said to my DH, that I had a hunch that Calvin wanted to play in the snow, which is why he made it snow that day







.

We had written letters to Calvin and read them aloud to him, and in front of our families. I really needed to do this, and I hope Calvin heard me.

All could have ended well, except my brother in law is a total knob. My mother in law planned a lunch immediately after the service. During the lunch, we talked about the delivery, about Calvin, etc, then my brother in law stood up and said that while he knew today was a sad occasion, he wanted to take this opportunity for a new beginning - a new start. So, he said that he was going into business for himself.

He continued on for the rest of the lunch, while my husband and I just sat there dumbfounded. Then, to make matters worse, he said that he hasn't been able to sleep these past 3 nights because he has been so excited about this new adventure he is started. So, while my husband and I were mourning the loss of our son, his brother was having sleepless nights about this new business, and not even thinking about mourning the loss of his nephew.

Thank you Mama's for your support. I hope to find peace here.


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## rn (Jul 27, 2003)

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am wishing you peace.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kat's Mommy* 
All could have ended well, except my brother in law is a total knob. My mother in law planned a lunch immediately after the service. During the lunch, we talked about the delivery, about Calvin, etc, then my brother in law stood up and said that while he knew today was a sad occasion, he wanted to take this opportunity for a new beginning - a new start. So, he said that he was going into business for himself.

He continued on for the rest of the lunch, while my husband and I just sat there dumbfounded. Then, to make matters worse, he said that he hasn't been able to sleep these past 3 nights because he has been so excited about this new adventure he is started. So, while my husband and I were mourning the loss of our son, his brother was having sleepless nights about this new business, and not even thinking about mourning the loss of his nephew.

Thank you Mama's for your support. I hope to find peace here.

I think you are being really generous with "total knob." Douche bag would have been my choice. I gave people a lot of room to be human surrounding Asa's death, because no one knows what to say. But at Asa's wake, an old classmate's wife came up and started talking to me about how her husband and I were interested in the same grad school program... what the heck??? My kid is dead, grad school just went to the bottom of my list, thanks lady. Still not nearly as bad as a person turning your child's service into their own luncheon celebration.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

Thinking of you and your family. Sounds like the service was beautiful and something you needed. I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-law though.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so sorry for the loss of precious Calvin...







:


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

yeah not to mention that YOU are the one who is suppose to be getting up during the night to change diapers.....

I bet you ARE having trouble sleeping. I still am and I'm 9 months out.

Hearing about sleeplessness (especially wrt to babies) really bothers me. a lot.

I remember SO well that time right after Micah's death. you need LOTS of support right now. I remember well wanting to crawl into bed and do nothing. if not for my living children I don't know where I'd be today as you referred to.

huge huge way empathetic hugs.

Rebecca


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

how are your breasts? that was *Terrible*.


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