# Has a bad sleeper changed your plans for more?



## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I used to want 2 children. I really, really did. My DH did as well. After a year of not sleeping, we both realize we can't do this again. I'm in my mid-30s so we can't wait too long. And I just don't think I could do it again. It breaks my heart and makes the difficult nights that much harder because it feels like another lock on that door...

Just curious if anyone else has changed their plans because of sleep issues.


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

sadly yes... ds is an uber high energy child and poor sleeper at nearly 3 yrs. old. We wouldn't trade him for the world and love almost







every minute of the day with him but we are not sure we can handle a second... just an honest answer from mom with the same, sad conflict.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Thanks for the reply! I feel like I should say that I am head over heels for my daughter and am thrilled to have her. But, she's also the hardest thing I've ever done!


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## AppleCrisp (Aug 19, 2005)

Yes. DS is 2.5 and still a really difficult sleeper....for bed and naps. Its really the main reason we haven't had another, yet. I'm not ruling it out for later, but much later when DS is a lot older. I don't know how I would handle a newborn when I have another child who needs an hour or two of hands-on work just to get him to sleep, and then he wakes up every few hours and needs more attention. At times I do feel resentful, and I wonder if I am over-thinking it and should just go with the flow.


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## Vortexing (May 11, 2006)

It's definitely made us really think hard about the logistics/reality of having a second. My mom's first (my bro) was a tough sleeper too, but then I was much more easy going in that respect. That always reminds me that just b/c the first one was so intense, that doesn't mean that all of your future kids would be that intense as well - plus now you've had the experience once and are likely more able to know how to handle it than you were the first round.

We've decided to prepare ourselves as if we will get another equally (or potentially more) intense child than DD. When we feel ready for that, then we'll try again (we're getting there). If we get an easygoing one, then great, if not, then we know already what we're getting into. But there will be no third child - though I'd never planned on having ANY kids, so that's not a huge surprise.

You're already at the 1 yr mark - it will get easier with this one. And 30 isn't old. So maybe having two close in age won't work out, but having 3-4 years in between might help you stay sane - having a second at 32-33 is NOT old, not even really an issue.

ETA: Now I see you're mid-thirties - so my numbers are wrong, but still, don't write it off until your DD's a little older. There will still be time if you decide you really want to do it again. But ultimately if you decide you're not comfortable having a kid at whatever age you end up being, then just know that you're going to be able to be with your daughter more, which is a great thing as well.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BambooMama* 

You're already at the 1 yr mark - it will get easier with this one. And 30 isn't old. So maybe having two close in age won't work out, but having 3-4 years in between might help you stay sane - having a second at 32-33 is NOT old, not even really an issue.

That's the thing - at a year her sleep is as bad as it's ever been. I don't see it improving anytime soon. And while easier than a newborn, she's still not at all an easy child. I haven't seen a movie in at least 8 months and haven't slept more than maybe 6 hours in a 24 hour period in I can't tell you how long.

I'm 35, too. If I were 30 I wouldn't be worried.


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## ChiaraRose (Aug 8, 2005)

no, I just did it. Ds was a horrible sleeper, he woke up at least every half hour at night if not more, and at least three times a night he was UP. No nursing, just being up and ready to go. maybe I was sooo sleep deprived I wasn't thinking straight







, but we got pregnant when he was 12 months old. His sleep slowly improved at around 16 months and now he still needs over 90 minutes a night of parenting to sleep, but, even though he still wakes up at night, doesn't need much more than cuddle to go back to sleep. Dd is also a rather challenging sleeper, but nothing like ds and in general more easy going. I just said to myself, this is maybe 2-3 years of sleep deprivation with each child, but the rest of my life I will have these children, and they are truly wonderful. And now at 2.5, ds sleep issues seem more like a memory. And we are getting ready for no3 in a few months. Don't ask me how we will handle bed time then, but a lot can happen in a year.
Long story short, i totally understand where you are coming from, but there will an end to it (and at 12 months as I said, ds still woke up every 30 min., nightweaning helped) and maybe in a year you would like another child, and you only be 36 then.
Good luck,
L.


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## stickywicket67 (Jan 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
Thanks for the reply! I feel like I should say that I am head over heels for my daughter and am thrilled to have her. But, she's also the hardest thing I've ever done!

i often think that if i choose to be a *different* type of parent i could have another one. but that's not an option so i've convinced myself that one child done the way i want is better than two done at the cost of our beliefs (no-CIO, co-sleeping, etc).
it is without a doubt the hardest thing i have ever done ( and i've done a lot of difficult things) but wow what an amazing experience. this child has taught me more about myself and challenged me in ways i could never have imagined.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
That's the thing - at a year her sleep is as bad as it's ever been. I don't see it improving anytime soon. And while easier than a newborn, she's still not at all an easy child. I haven't seen a movie in at least 8 months and haven't slept more than maybe 6 hours in a 24 hour period in I can't tell you how long.

I'm 35, too. If I were 30 I wouldn't be worried.









i'm holding out for 18 months.







i've read the sleeping gets easier then. the days may be harder but i hear the night waking mellows out.

i'm right there with you on the age thing too. i'm 40 going on 41. i am too old to be missing my beauty sleep!







:
nighttime parenting has certainly put my clubbing days to shame.


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## Vortexing (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganone* 
That's the thing - at a year her sleep is as bad as it's ever been. I don't see it improving anytime soon. And while easier than a newborn, she's still not at all an easy child. I haven't seen a movie in at least 8 months and haven't slept more than maybe 6 hours in a 24 hour period in I can't tell you how long.

I'm 35, too. If I were 30 I wouldn't be worried.









Well, don't get too down - my daughter bottomed out right before a really quick improvement - right around the 1 yr mark, so maybe you'll get lucky too. Cross your fingers. She went from ONLY napping ON someone to at least sleeping off of people, and kept getting progressively better. It's still a battle often at nearly 2.5 yrs, but I'm not going completely insane like I was at 1 yr. Not sleeping longer than 6 hours is VERY VERY VERY VERY familiar.







It's just that you never know when your time will come - it might be 4 yrs from now, it might be tomorrow. Just gotta keep chugging away.

And 35 is nothing! So what if you have a second at 37-38? I'm in Seattle, the land of the 50 yr old mom of a 2 mth old.


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## Vortexing (May 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *stickywicket67* 

i'm holding out for 18 months.







i've read the sleeping gets easier then. the days may be harder but i hear the night waking mellows out.

i'm right there with you on the age thing too. i'm 40 going on 41. i am too old to be missing my beauty sleep!







:
nighttime parenting has certainly put my clubbing days to shame.










18 mths was magic for us. I slept for 7 hours each night for 4 nights in a row and I thought I was a completely new person. Let's hope the same goes for you guys.

And, hilarious about clubbing... that IS a different way to look at it.


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

YES! My DD is almost 2.5 and still a horrible sleeper (wakes up 2-3 times on a good night and 8+ times on a bad night.) I want another one badly, but DH wants to wait until DD sleeps through the night. If I got pregnant today, I'd be 35 when the baby is born...I don't want to wait much longer. I believe that DD will start sleeping better once I get pregnant (and my milk dries up or the taste changes...or when I am forced to wean her because nursing is too painful), but DH doesn't want to take that approach.


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## tuscany123 (Feb 15, 2004)

My answer used to be YES. I wanted NO MORE!! DD was a horrific sleeper. I was 37 when I had her (DH was 50) and I used to think "how does anyone have more than one child!!". I also was insecure about being an "older" parent, and felt I had waited to long for DD, was too set in my ways (compared to a Mom in her 20's or early 30's) and thought that contributed to the difficulties we were having. I just couldn't "swing with the punches" like perhaps I could have if I were a younger Mom.

Actually MDC helped me change my view on my age being a factor. I realized that parents of ALL ages can have LOs that sleep horribly, and we all have difficulties coping. But still, DD was just such a hard refluxy, difficult child that I really thought she'd be an only. But .... by age 3 she was so much easier to deal with. I always completely adored her, and never regretted having her, but now it was so much easier! She is now almost 5, and she now has a baby brother. He is 3.5 months. He just happens to be a lot "easier" than his sister ever was, at least for now. But even knowing I could have had just as many difficulties with #2 as I did with #1, I still wanted another one. At 42, I feel so blessed. It was a long shot with #2, we had 2 m/c's before I got PG with him. So I would say to the OP - being in your 30's is not "old" - at least not in my book!


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

I'm getting no more than an hour or hour and a half per sleep stretch.

Yep. I consider my plans changed until further notice. And she's only 6 months!

I do not know how you mamas do this(function on no sleep) for years.


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Actually for us it had the opposite effect. I was 33 when our first, DS, was born. He would sleep maybe an hour an a half there for the first 6 months. At 6 yrs old he's still up 2-5 times per night, every night. The rare times we've slept through the night have been when the kids have spent the night at my mom's! We were going to try to have 2 children, 18 months apart. His lack of sleep delayed that a bit for us - they're 22 1/2 months apart, but we figured we were waking up anyway, it wouldn't be any worse to wake up and tend to 2 than it was for 1. As it turned out DD was born sleeping 5 hr stretches at a time and very rarely did she ever wake more than once a night. Good luck with whatever you decide.

K.


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## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

it sure has. I'm only 21. My dd is only 11.5m but she is one of the worse sleepers, and possibly the worst I've ever heard of. I can't risk going through this again.







We talk about only having 1. I used to want 3. IF we have 1 more, which we might, there will be no more after that one. Even if they're a good sleeper, I know the chances of having a baby like dd are 50/50 and I wno't take that chance.


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## 34me (Oct 2, 2006)

My poor sleeping high energy kiddo is now 12 and he's my monkey in the middle. The only thing that has ever helped has been exercise and a lot of it. His brother (younger) and sister (older) were pretty normal sleepers.


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## nalo (Oct 25, 2005)

Well, we'll see but right now we have abandoned our plan for number 2 unless we ever get some sleep again. We just can't do this again. I think it will have to be a solid 6 months of STTN before I would consider TTC and I honestly can't imagine that EVER happening right now. I am 31 and am pretty sure I would not consider getting pregnant past 35 so if she starts sleeping within the next year we may reconsider. Sleeping is just one issue in our considerations of course but it is one of the main ones for sure.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Our first child was our worst sleeper and we've been very lucky in that our children have gotten progressively better at night. Baby number four was sleeping through the night on day one. Of course, it took us four children to get there!


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## foxtrot (Jan 27, 2008)

I was 36 when I had DS and he was an awful sleeper. I swore I'd never have another. Then when he was almost 3 I panicked and thought "but I don't want him to be an only child". He was sleeping pretty well by then. I was 40 when we finally decided to try again. He was almost 4 and a pretty good sleeper by then. Had DD at age 41 (so don't worry too much about your age) after only one try to get pregnant. Unfortunately she makes DS look like he was a champion sleeper. I didn't think I could get a worse sleeper, but I did. Somehow I'm dealing with it better than I did with DS though. Maybe because I know it ends even if it's 4 years from now.


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## mexicali mami (Mar 24, 2007)

stickywicket67 said:


> i often think that if i choose to be a *different* type of parent i could have another one. but that's not an option so i've convinced myself that one child done the way i want is better than two done at the cost of our beliefs (no-CIO, co-sleeping, etc).
> it is without a doubt the hardest thing i have ever done ( and i've done a lot of difficult things) but wow what an amazing experience. this child has taught me more about myself and challenged me in ways i could never have imagined.
> 
> 
> ...


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## i*wish (May 4, 2004)

i have the opposite issue now... my dd1 was a horrible sleeper and i could never have thought of having another until she was about 2...i got pregnant almost as soon as i thought about it. I spent my entire pregnancy fretting about how i would deal with the combination of dd1 needing me at night and the obvious nighttime needs of a small baby. I would get sick to my stomach at times when I was pregnant and barely sleeping b/c of dd1 nightwaking (she weaned during the pregnancy and that had no effect on her sleep either.....) People would ask if I wanted more than 2 children and my stock answer was: We'll see how this one (in my tummy) sleeps and then I'll decide...if she's like dd1 then two will be plenty.
Fast forward: here I am with a 3month old who sleeps almost all night (some nights 8hours!) waking usually once. It's the most unbelievable difference imaginable. I feel like a totally different mother to my new dd. Just. so. different. Now, it's only three months so who knows but dd1 never slept more than a 4 hours stretch during her first three months and it went DOWNhill from there..... I get sick thinking about it, actually. At this point both of my babies are the same in the sleep department...each waking about once per night with the oldest 'sleeping all night' most of the nights and my youngest 'sleeping all night' occasionally. Each night going to sleep I never know what I'm in for....
Phew, long post. Anyhow, the funny part is, now when people ask if I'll have another I have to pause... I don't know if I should risk having another bad sleeper or just cut my losses and stop at 2 despite the fact that I really have always wanted 3 children. (I secretly know that I'll tempt fate and have another....I love my babies!!!


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## widemouthedfrog (Mar 9, 2006)

Dd was a terrible sleeper, but she is pretty good now. She night weaned herself at ~2.5, and that really helped.

I did go a little crazy for the first year and a half from lack of sleep, and that really made dh afraid to have another one. I'd go for another, because I think that I've come to terms with not sleeping when it happens. Also, I know it only lasts for a little while, even if that little while is measured in years rather than in weeks.


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## Let It Be (Sep 17, 2006)

The answer to that completely depends on what time you ask me


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## FancyPants (Dec 25, 2004)

I didn't have any real plans for after ds2 but his sleeping patterns wreaked mine sooooo badly that even though he has slept well for well over 2 years I will not

He would NOT accept anyone else to comfort him and would cry in his daddy's arms for an hour until his cries woke me up - drugged, earplugged, beyond exhausted sleeping in a far away room of the large house we were renting at that time.

So if I could be guaranteed to have babies/children like ds1 (easy peasy, likes to please), yup I'd have 6! (well not really) but the very thought of one like ds2 (who is smart, sweet and adorable at nearly 5) - well, just the thought makes me shudder.


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## royaloakmi (Mar 2, 2005)

Well, we only planned on one child, but had twins. Neither of them slept through the night till they were 3 years old and both were high needs newborns, infants and toddlers.

I occassionally would like another ONE (singleton), but there is absolutely no way I would survive that kind of sleep deprivation again, or survive twins again. Plus, I'm turning 40 soon.

We probably would have stuck with just two, but sleep was a big factor in not going for more.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Yes, I can not imagine having more than one now. I just can't. She's two and a half and I'm still fighting with her over sleep. I am SO ANGRY right this minute, I can hardly sit still. I am pretty sure another poor sleeper would put an end to my marriage as well.

I love my daughter and in every way EXCEPT SLEEP she's a great kid (fun, funny, friendly, kind, interested in everyone and everything around her), but the sleep thing is past frustrating into maddening. I would do ANYTHING if it would just WORK. I can remember when she was nine months old and NO ONE I knew in real life was having the kind of sleep problems we were STILL having. I had a total freak out one night, sobbing and thinking...what if she's still like this when she's a year old? What have we done wrong? Well, she's 2.5 and somewhat better - no easier to GET to sleep, but at least she's not up ever 20 - 40 minutes. I still don't know what we did wrong, or at least what we could have done better so as not to be at this point now.

She also had a really frustrating, difficult babyhood. I see my SIL and her three week old (who has slept through the night since BIRTH, and no she's not exaggerating, they spent the night here, she also never screams in the car or really complains at all, she doesn't throw up, fight, or thash when held, she is happy to sit in anyone's arms or lie down somewhere by herself, when she's ready to sleep she just sleeps and when she wakes up, she just opens her eyes and watches things till someone notices her. Or not. She's happy either way) gazing blissfully at each other and I have to leave the room. I never had a single HOUR like that, much less days on end. I have no sweet, snuggly infant memories so it's hard to miss something I so thoroughly DID NOT enjoy.

I do love my daughter, in every other way she's just such a great kid but I'm literally crying right now over yet another miserable, horrible, sh!tfest of a naptime and counting the hours till it's time to do it YET AGAIN tonight. I can not imagine throwing even a really easy newborn into the mix...I'm terrified that I'd start to resent my dd who is right now, the love and center of my life and the most fascinating person I've evern known. Another difficult one would tank my marriage, I'm sure of it.


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
Yes, I can not imagine having more than one now. I just can't. She's two and a half and I'm still fighting with her over sleep. I am SO ANGRY right this minute, I can hardly sit still. I am pretty sure another poor sleeper would put an end to my marriage as well.

I love my daughter and in every way EXCEPT SLEEP she's a great kid (fun, funny, friendly, kind, interested in everyone and everything around her), but the sleep thing is past frustrating into maddening. I would do ANYTHING if it would just WORK. I can remember when she was nine months old and NO ONE I knew in real life was having the kind of sleep problems we were STILL having. I had a total freak out one night, sobbing and thinking...what if she's still like this when she's a year old? What have we done wrong? Well, she's 2.5 and somewhat better - no easier to GET to sleep, but at least she's not up ever 20 - 40 minutes. I still don't know what we did wrong, or at least what we could have done better so as not to be at this point now.

She also had a really frustrating, difficult babyhood. I see my SIL and her three week old (who has slept through the night since BIRTH, and no she's not exaggerating, they spent the night here, she also never screams in the car or really complains at all, she doesn't throw up, fight, or thash when held, she is happy to sit in anyone's arms or lie down somewhere by herself, when she's ready to sleep she just sleeps and when she wakes up, she just opens her eyes and watches things till someone notices her. Or not. She's happy either way) gazing blissfully at each other and I have to leave the room. I never had a single HOUR like that, much less days on end. I have no sweet, snuggly infant memories so it's hard to miss something I so thoroughly DID NOT enjoy.

I do love my daughter, in every other way she's just such a great kid but I'm literally crying right now over yet another miserable, horrible, sh!tfest of a naptime and counting the hours till it's time to do it YET AGAIN tonight. I can not imagine throwing even a really easy newborn into the mix...I'm terrified that I'd start to resent my dd who is right now, the love and center of my life and the most fascinating person I've evern known. Another difficult one would tank my marriage, I'm sure of it.









I get it! FWITW, I too think another would tank our marriage.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Nicole - I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I've so been there, and I'm only at a year.









I am pretty sure that my marriage wouldn't survive another sleeper like this one. Frankly, I don't know if it'll survive this one... I love her more than life itself, but the not sleeping is so hard.


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## beingmommy (Sep 4, 2008)

My DS is a difficult sleeper. Naps and bedtime.

His sleep issues do affect my decision on WHEN to have another baby (but not WHETHER). I know I want a second one but instead of looking at having our kids 2-3 years apart I think it might be closer to 4-5 years. It all depends on when my DS's sleep issues start improving. And I know it could take a loooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnng time.

It makes me sad. I wanted him to be closer in age to a sibling so they could play together more.

BUT I also want to make sure he gets the focused attention he needs being a spirited little guy AND keep my sanity.


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## berlina (Sep 11, 2004)

OMG OMG OMG! Thanks so much for posting about this. I didn't know there are others that feel this way and I always felt guilty, like I was a bad person and parent. I love ds and can't imagine life without him. He was also a seriously high maintenance baby and only started sleeping consistently through the night this April. I only recently started being to think of having another, but I am scared to death of it. It didn't help that I suffered from PPD and had issues with dh during that time, too. I have a very close relationship with my sister and would love for ds to experience siblings, too. But, really, I am just so scared.

Do you guys think a larger age gap would be better or worse? I keep thinking to myself that if I wait until ds is older, like 4 or 5, maybe it would be better??


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## lizardmom (Apr 3, 2008)

My dd (3 1/2) was a HORRIBLE sleeper. I think I have PTSD thinking about it. Like many others who sleep poorly she is an extremely bright, active, alert kid and always has been. After failed attempts to use the NCSS I used Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan with her when she was 2 and it was a long long road with lots of help from DH just to get her to one night nursing. Even after she weaned at 2y7m she continued to wake up every night for several months. Now she STTN almost every night. It sort of just changed when she hit 3 and she slept better. She even started going to sleep on her own (her choice). Luckily she started sleeping better a few months before her sister was born. I seriously prayed the entire pregnancy that I would get a good sleeper.
Well, no such luck. I have another one. I'm sure it's partially my fault but I'm too tired to even think about it.


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

My dd is almost 3 and was such a high-needs baby/toddler that dh and I both agreed taht one was enough-- until last week. It's like I woke up one morning, thought- wow- she's turning out to be SO incredibly cool- sleeping in her own room (though still waking 1-2 times per night), finally really happy to hang with daddy and give me a break-- and my hormones have just done the ultimate flip flop on me-- suddenly I want to get pregnant again right now! I've totally had the thought numerous times about how, yeah, I'd have 5 kids too if they were all miracle sleepy babes or if I did CIO, etc. to make them more convenient. I have no intentions of being any less AP with a second child (if I can talk dh into it), but I do have a few ideas of how I might want to do things differently- like letting the child get comfortable being with daddy more as an infant so that I maybe, hopefully, don't feel quite so overwhelmed. It'll get better-- I know that's cliche and totally always made me roll my eyes when I was in the midst of no-sleep-horror, but someday it really will be better and you might miss it (or you might be overjoyed at getting some sleep and take your delightful only child on wild vacations that you couldn't do with two kids and everyone will live happily ever after!-- either way would be peachy!)


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SweetPotato* 
It'll get better-- I know that's cliche and totally always made me roll my eyes when I was in the midst of no-sleep-horror, but someday it really will be better and you might miss it (or you might be overjoyed at getting some sleep and take your delightful only child on wild vacations that you couldn't do with two kids and everyone will live happily ever after!-- either way would be peachy!)

Thanks - right now I'm totally consoling myself by thinking of being able to pay for her entire college education and all of the awesome vacations we can take with just one!


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## finn74 (Aug 24, 2008)

wow, i was just bemoanin this very situation with a friend of mine today. actually we both are in the midsts of it with our babies. we both agreed it is probably the most difficult thing to go through, i mean isnt sleep deprivation a tactic of torture and interrogation? and how frustrated i feel, sometimes resentful at my own ds, as if he's trying to make me crack so he can gain control of all the sharp and shiny things in the house that i'm constantly keeping him from.
it does make me cry sometimes, and feel like i cant do it for much longer. i cant help you with anything cept to tell you you're not alone in this....:


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

only this to say.......
every child is different, child one and child two dont mean they are the same or will or act the same, many many parents comment on how A and B are so different

somethings to think on............ remember this is given with lots of love







:







:if you really want more then dont let the one bad thing hold you back. you must know in your heart and hope that they will outgrow it. if your child was special needs would you not have more because of?

my dd and my ds is very different in alot of ways. i wanted more but i didnt let the bad from my dd stop me. in some ways having my ds has calmed her down she is very helpful with him.


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

Yes it changed our plans, DS is a horrible sleeper and was from the beginning, and is fairly high needs when awake too. We orignally intended to TTC again sometime after his second birthday so as to have kids three years apart and be done before I turned 40, well that got put off, and put off simply because I couldn't get enough sleep. We did eventually get there though, as I just turned 41 and am due in December, they'll be four years apart.

DS still doesn't sleep through the night every night, but he does at this point more often than he doesn't and I felt like I might be able to manage it...now I'm not so sure because the worry that this one won't sleep well or that having a new baby will throw DS back into sleeping poorly is scary, plus DS no longer naps so how will I get a nap during the day? It is all a bit frightening but I still did at least start to feel it was possible. (we actually got pregnant accidentally before we officially started TTC but we knew that we were planning to shortly...even then, I think the extra three months we had planned on might have helped!)

You may still too, and when you actually hit whatever your "magical age" that you feel you can't have children anymore (mine was 40) you may find it matters less than you thought. I know it turned out that for me, it really didn't end up seeming like 41 was all that different than 39.

Personally I would wait til you feel at least like you are getting some sleep though, now that I'm pregnant the few bad nights that are left really really hit me hard, so I'm glad that I didn't take everyone's advice and just leap before we felt ready. (so many people told me "oh go ahead you won't regret it" but I think we would have...like I said I even do find the three months early that this happened a bit more of a challenge than you'd think mattered)


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *littlemizflava*
> ...


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## anudi01 (Aug 11, 2004)

My ds was not the greatest sleeper, I thought when I got preggers with dd that it had to be better. Anything had to be better. NOPE! Worse...way worse! I was tandem nursing and frankly it was really very difficult. Eventually, I learned to deal with the sleep deprivation. We decided that we were not going to have anymore children, and then BAM! Preggers again. This time, I swore it would be different NOPE! Another poor sleeper. However, my other two did eventually sleep through the night (in my 4th month of pregnancy, when my milk dried up and they both pretty much weaned in the same week







). Anyway, in retrospect, I know it is food intolerances on their part. Dairy for sure. If I had the insight and I was preggers for the first time again. I would cut dairy in the last few months of pregnancy and during the newborn phase and see how baby sleeps. Then I would add it in after a few months to see if anything would change. I have though ALOT about this. You know the sleep will get better, but you can't have the time back. I wouldn't let it stop you if you have a real yearning for more children. Keep in mind the dairy thing though. Just my experience. I couldn't imagine my life if I had stopped having children before my last dd.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I've been on an ED most of DD's life, and am going back to it now to try to help her sleep. Well, I'm still partially on it, but adding back in dairy.

My biggest fear is to have another one who is worse! Yikes!!! I'm glad you're surviving... I still don't have AF back, and some months I get totally paranoid that I'm pg.

As for special needs, depending on the issues, I might very well opt not to have another one for that reason. If it was extremely hard to care for the sn child or if it was genetic and likely to repeat. Not speaking for anyone else, but for me, sure it would play into my thinking for future children.

I truly hope that in a couple of years DH and I change our minds, but I won't know until we are getting some sleep around here.

At least I'm not alone! Thanks for your honesty, mommas!


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## mama2elisabeth (Mar 15, 2008)

I definitely want at least one more child, but with DD's _constant_ night nursing that kills my back and sleep quality, and her more recent teething that contributes to her incessant SCREAMING for hours on end, I have thought very seriously about getting that IUD, LOL! Ahhh, it's been a rough month!


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## finn74 (Aug 24, 2008)

sorry, forgot to mention that yes it has changed my hopes too. i know in regards to dealing with a new sleepless baby with other children, mothers 'just do it' but my present life is days that dont start til noon cause i am trying to sneak naps to recover from the previous night and if i had, HAD to be up all day to care for more children, well, i just dont understand how i could.
when i told my mom after ds was born that we'd like to have another in a few years when we'd be more financially stable, she said 'not just financially, but make sure you're mentally and emotionally able to have more than one'. (she had 5). and you know, i never thought to consider that. and considering it, i think 1 is a safe choice.


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## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

Quote:



Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2elisabeth* 
I definitely want at least one more child, but with DD's _constant_ night nursing that kills my back and sleep quality,

Yes! So the 45 mins. I could sleep between his wakeups, ds was latched & typically I was upright in a rocker or with my back twisted in the side lying position. Ouch!

Quote:

and her more recent teething that contributes to her incessant SCREAMING for hours on end, I have thought very seriously about getting that IUD, LOL! Ahhh, it's been a rough month!

This is hard for everyone! We had luck with Hyland's teething tabs.


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## ktmama (Jan 21, 2004)

One thing I've noticed is that some people really have trouble with sleep deprivation, some just don't. It's something that's never really bothered me, even when I was WOHM full time and waking many, many times a night with dd1. BTW, now she's 11 and she still wakes up every night!

Seriously, though, my sis had a baby last year at 38 and wanted to have another by 40, but she's changed her plans because her nine month old still wakes up ONCE a night and she's EXHAUSTED! OK, I'm making fun of her a little, but she just hasn't coped well with any kind of sleep deprivation.


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

No, we had planned on having just one. So really what her sleep problems did was reaffirm that decision. There is NO WAY I could go through the sleep issues again.


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## joeys_mom (Feb 11, 2007)

My ds didn't start sleeping a little better (not waking every hr to nurse







) until 18 months. It slowly got better from there and now at 2 1/2 he sleeps through the night *most* of the time. I still nurse him to sleep and sometimes in middle of the night.

Until he was 2 I didn't think I could possibly do another!


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

I go back and forth, I had DD at 36, I would have no problem having another at 38, 39 or 40. My grandmother had my mom when she was 42, so having babies late is the norm in my family. I don't handle sleep deprivation well, and it makes me depressed, but I don't think that is what will be the ultimate decision maker for me. Babies don't sleep, and I get up every 2 hours with DD now, I never expected her to sleep through the night until she was 2 anyway.


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## IBC Mama (Sep 21, 2008)

We were definitely planning on having two, and the sleep issues changed our minds for sure. Not only would we not want to go through this again with another baby, we are at a bit of a loss as to how we would even manage to get pregnant in the first place, given how little time we have together... because of the sleep issues.
For the first two years, DD could not sleep at all unless she was on me or right next to me. The only exception was car naps, and I would often drive her around for hours to keep her asleep just so I could have a little personal space. My friends who drove for naps would just drive to get the kid to sleep... then they could go home, put the baby in bed, and do their own thing. Not me. She never once stayed asleep during a transfer, and would even wake up if I got stuck at an extra long red light! At night I could sometimes get out of bed long enough to go to the bathroom, but usually she would wake up before I even got both feet on the floor. Even when I was right there with her she woke up every 45 minutes or so. I tried NCSS, EDs, sleep whispering, tui na, sacral cranial massage, Bach flower remedies, baby massage, everything I heard of or could think of. The only thing that helped was the Jay Gordon nightweaning method, but I wasn't willing to do that until she was 3.
She's almost 5 now, and we have other reasons for not having another baby at this point, but we still wouldn't change our minds and try for another. We still don't get enough time together to even TTC! Bedtime takes hours, she still wakes many nights, and she still needs a parent with her for most of her sleeping hours.
The one friend I have IRL whose DD had sleep problems anywhere close to my DD's did have another baby... who is also a terrible sleeper.... There's just no way DH and I could go through that again.
But I did spend a lot of time at the beginning both feeling like the sleep problems must be my fault in some way, and also like I must be a failure at some level for not being able to buck up and do it again. Threads like this help a lot, because I see that so many other people who actually know what it's like feel the same way.


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## Swirly (May 20, 2006)

Well, my 2.5 year old has always had lots of sleep troubles. She still wakes 2-6 times per night! If I ever get her sleeping through the night, I could never do this again. I am 38, and it might kill me.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vortexing* 
It's definitely made us really think hard about the logistics/reality of having a second. My mom's first (my bro) was a tough sleeper too, but then I was much more easy going in that respect. That always reminds me that just b/c the first one was so intense, that doesn't mean that all of your future kids would be that intense as well - plus now you've had the experience once and are likely more able to know how to handle it than you were the first round.

We've decided to prepare ourselves as if we will get another equally (or potentially more) intense child than DD. When we feel ready for that, then we'll try again (we're getting there). If we get an easygoing one, then great, if not, then we know already what we're getting into. But there will be no third child - though I'd never planned on having ANY kids, so that's not a huge surprise.

You're already at the 1 yr mark - it will get easier with this one. And 30 isn't old. So maybe having two close in age won't work out, but having 3-4 years in between might help you stay sane - having a second at 32-33 is NOT old, not even really an issue.

ETA: Now I see you're mid-thirties - so my numbers are wrong, but still, don't write it off until your DD's a little older. There will still be time if you decide you really want to do it again. But ultimately if you decide you're not comfortable having a kid at whatever age you end up being, then just know that you're going to be able to be with your daughter more, which is a great thing as well.


Don't rule out having another child just yet because you have a bad sleeper. I'll share with you something about me that may help you reconsider your plans:

My mother could relate. I was her worse sleeper, and I still can't sleep well today. Some kids take it into their adulthood. That may not sound comforting, but I have to tell the truth. My mother did have three more children of which all turned out sleeping well through the night without waking. Each child is different.

It got to the point that my mother would tell me to stay up if I'd like so long as I did not disturb the rest of the house. She stopped bothering to tell me to come to bed with the rest of the kids long ago--like around eight. As long as I was reading in bed, which I loved, eating snacks in my room, playing with toys quietly in bed, or had the TV on, she never cared. It was only when I decided to become curious and go on my expeditions that involved me getting into things, experimenting, and having my nighttime fun did she have a problem.

I was her devil, and the others were her saints!


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## Devaya (Sep 23, 2007)

Its certainly put DP off, he doesnt handle sleep dep as well as I do. after i got over the newborn stage shock I have been sort of coasting along and only occasionally realising how tired I am,its become normal to me now. It has definitely made me want to wait till DS is 4 or so before having another. I never wanted closely spaced children anyway though, bc I just don't think I could handle it with zero family support. But the thought of starting to get more sleep (hopefully by the time he's 4!) and then starting it all over again, does break me. I'm 28 though so luckily not in a hurry. I often wonder if I'd do things differently next time, certainly not CIO or 'sleep train' etc but perhaps try to put my child down semi awake ....I don't know, maybe DS is just a poor sleeper and nothing I could have done would have helped.

IBC Mama, i can so relate to your post about feeling that it's your fault somehow. I often feel like a failure for this.


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

I sorta had the opposite reaction. I was sleep deprived but had learned to function pretty well--I was used to it, and felt like I should just go ahead and have another baby while I was used to it.







If I waited until I was getting 8 straight hours again, I don't think I'd ever have had #2.

As luck would have it, ds started STTN for the first time ever about a month before dd was born.


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