# Would you let your children influence your real estate decisions?



## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

Our house is for sale. It's listed fairly for what it is but still, it is not a small number by any means.

We've had 4 interested parties say yes they LOVED the house, but had to see what their kids thought. We're talking teenagers. So they come back with their teenagers and then tell the brokers well, one or more of my kids didn't like x,y,z so maybe we'll keep looking. And the things the kids didn't like? The color of the kitchen, the size of "their" room, one kid apparently thought the house wasn't "green" enough. (FYI- it's a 1923 colonial with lots of period details including original 9 pane windows)

Now I love my kid(s)- pregnant with #2- but when it comes to spending $$$$$$ on a house I believe my husband and I would be the ones making the decision. ** I need to specify that I'm not talking about house hunting with your children's interests in mind- I think that's great and what most families do, ourselves included. OF COURSE I want and would use their input- to an extent- but I also feel that a 14 or 16 yr old lacks the ability to understand long term financial investments and decisions. I would not turn down a smart-buy property if one of my children didn't like the view from "their room" or something along those lines.

And also- these are teenagers- who will be going to college shortly and then most likely moving out on their own. It would be the parents who will need to love the house becasue they are the ones who will be living in it!!!

Feeling a little bummed that teenagers' opinions are standing in the way of getting our house sold!


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## KristyDi (Jun 5, 2007)

If my teen had a serious objection to a proposed home then I think I'd listen and take it into consideration. The color of a kitchen is not a serious consideration since changing it is as easy as picking up a paintbrush. The size of a room, as long as it's reasonable sized is slightly more serious, but nowhere near a deal breaker.

I'm sorry you're frustrated. I would be too.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I probably would. But, my child is smart enough to look past the kitchen color.

If the school was too far away, or her friends were in the next town, or her bedroom was pretty horrible.... I would absolutely consider those things. I wouldn't even look at a home in a neighborhood unless I researched the schools.

I do buy homes with mostly my child in mind. Heck, with this last house, we picked a house that the dogs would like.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

Sure. The decision affects her as much as it does us.

As NC said, dd wouldn't be thinking about the paint color, though. She would consider the same aspects I would, I think, and come to the discussion with a unique perspective. Her opinion matters as much as ours.

Now, if it somehow significantly affected our financial situation, I think she'd also be reasonable and compromise. But I would also try to compromise to try to make the new place meet her needs, too.


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

Anyone here every watch House Hunters on HGTV? There are a lot of adults who decide not to buy a house because of paint colors...


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

I think valid complaints such as being uprooted from a town/school they love or living in a completely different type of area (such as rural to city) might be more reasonable. But these are local people. I've got brokers coming back to us with very silly and immature objections from teenagers. And the parents are apparently listening.

We really want to move and this is eating at me.


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## jeanine123 (Jan 7, 2005)

Based on the examples that you gave, no I wouldn't let them influence my decision (unless the bedroom size discrepancy is huge, then it might carry some weight. Once I got done telling them about my bedroom with the closet that was turned into a bathroom when indoor plumbing became the rage and my brother's room that barely fit his bed.







)

I would however, take into consideration their feelings and thoughts about leaving their friends or school behind, but that doesn't sound like a problem in your case.

Having said all that, we may be moving within the next year or so and yes, my kids will have some influence over our decisions. They would be 5 and 7 at that time though and the influence they would have would be for us to look for homes in a really good school district and in an area with amenities that they would enjoy.


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## seagull (Jun 29, 2005)

I absolutely would consider the opinions of my children. It is their house also, even if they will spend part of the year at college or whatever. Choosing a house is a compromise all around, so I don't know that I would let their issues be dealbreakers if everything else was perfect but we would discuss the situation.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

I wonder if those are just the reasons that they gave to the realtor, and they have nothing to do with the real reason they don't like your house?

We tried to sell our house a couple of years ago. It was on the market for a year, and we showed it about 75+ times. We got reasons that it didn't sell that were things like, "well, the front porch has a brick that is loose" (it was an extra brick sitting there, to hide the key thing from the realtor) and "the garage smells like gas" (um, yeah, cause you looked at it just after we had mowed the grass, and the mower stays in there







).

After a while, we figured that some of the realtors and/or prospective buyers will say anything, no matter how bizarre. We took it all with a grain of salt.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Wow, Betsy.









As for letting my kids influence my house purchase...yes and no. We just bought a house and the kids were mad at first because they don't each have their own rooms-but that wasn't a goal to begin with and it would have cost us $100k more around here to find a house with enough bedrooms! So my decision overrides that one.

If it's a valid concern like location, etc. then maybe but as for them not liking the color/room/whatever...no. They don't have to live here forever and I'm paying thousands and thousands for a house that will be _my_ responsibility. Not to mention finding something in our price range with our requirements (which are all there because of the kids to begin with-yard, # of bedrooms, bathrooms, things I know they want/need/will make our lives easier as a family). I can't imagine having found a great house and letting my kids talk me out of it, but I don't think I would want the house very much if I let my 5 yo make that decision for me.

Of course we've lived some pretty terrible places so that we can keep our pets, so by the time we bought a house, provided it had walls and a yard, my kids were thrilled just to not have to move in 6 months!


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## FiveLittleMonkeys (Jan 21, 2009)

I guess I'm just a mean mom, because my kids' opinions on the color of the kitchen or the size of what their bedroom is doesn't mean squat to me. My dh and I pay the mortgage, so therefore we get to make the decision on what house we live in. It's that simple.

But then again, my kids wouldn't even be house-hunting with us. We would never dream of bringing our kids along when we're looking at houses. I want to be able to concentrate on looking at houses, not kids.

The people on House Hunters who whine about wall color drive me batty. I frequently say to the TV, "It's just PAINT, people!!"


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

To a point, yes.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

sure if they're planning on paying part of the mortgage.

I may take their opinion into consideration if it was a real concern, but size of bedroom, not being green enough, or paint colours are not real concerns.

When we look, dh & I go first. If we like the house we'll have another look through with the kids but not for them to make the decision.

Now if these are soon to be college kids & I was buying the house FOR them to live in while going to university/college, then YES their input would have alot of weight in the decision.


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## HeliMom (Jan 14, 2010)

My mom and dad actually bought their house for the amount my sister suggested, this was when she was only 10 years old. So yeah I'd try to include my children's thoughts on a place that was going to be ours. But as far as the situations you are describing, perhaps the kids were just a scapegoat when they decided that they were not as in love with the house as they first thought.


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## shelley4 (Sep 10, 2003)

ummmm... no. i would never let any of my children's opinions influence such a big decision. if hubby and i loved a house and could afford it, the kids would just have to deal with it, whether they liked it or not.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

If the kids' opinions matter that much, bring them along in the first place. OMG, teens. Who will live in the house for HOW long? Tell mr/miss whiny pants to pant the kitchen if it bothers him/her that much.

Yeesh.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Actually, yes - I took my kids opinions into consideration when I bought this house. They were... 8 & 10? We were making our final move until they were both through HS, so darned straight I was taking their thoughts into account. I narrowed the choices down, then we saw the houses together, visited the schools, checked out the areas and what was around them, etc.

And I'd applaud the teen who objected on the house not being "green" enough! Yeah - it's a "period" house. Well... some find environmentally friendly more important than period. I have to respect the kid for it. IN all honesty - I'd likely not be interested because all those windows usually = higher energy bills. Not going there these days.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
And I'd applaud the teen who objected on the house not being "green" enough! Yeah - it's a "period" house. Well... some find environmentally friendly more important than period. I have to respect the kid for it. IN all honesty - I'd likely not be interested because all those windows usually = higher energy bills. Not going there these days.

I don't respect his parents though. They didn't take time to talk with their kid at all before going to view houses. Kitchen color, room size, those things you can't tell without the kid looking, but green can be checked with a series of worksheets.


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## Gal (May 13, 2010)

I wouldn't, especially over silly things like that.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HeliMom* 
My mom and dad actually bought their house for the amount my sister suggested, this was when she was only 10 years old. So yeah I'd try to include my children's thoughts on a place that was going to be ours. But as far as the situations you are describing, *perhaps the kids were just a scapegoat when they decided that they were not as in love with the house as they first thought*.

This is what I think might have happened.

I would include my kids. I'd have to decide on a case-by-case basis how much weight their opinion had. Also, if we were looking at two houses that day and we all agreed we liked house A best, even if I didn't agree with their reasons for not liking house B, we'd still choose house A.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

We took our kids with us when we looked at houses, and yes, we did take their opinions into account. I want the kids at feel "at home" in our house, just like dh and I want it to feel right to us.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

My parents always got our opinions on the places we were moving into within reason and they were the very controlling types. They narrowed it down to the houses in the area they wanted that were in their price range then let us help make the final decisions. I think it was a wonderful thing to do because it was a decision that affected all of us. I remember as children our biggest concerns were the size of our rooms and whether one was bigger than another. That may mean nothing to an adult, but kids don't have much and it means a lot to kids. From the experience I have with siblings visiting in my home I would have to say that I would definitely want to have some buy in from the kids for my sanity, just giving one sibling a single m&m more can start a fight so just imagine what a room would do.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
I don't respect his parents though. They didn't take time to talk with their kid at all before going to view houses. Kitchen color, room size, those things you can't tell without the kid looking, but green can be checked with a series of worksheets.

Do we know that the parents didn't talk to their kids?


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

When we were hunting for our first house, there were *several* that we looked at more than once. One or two, we finally decided to put a bid on, only to find that there was already a bid going on. Even the house we eventually bought, we saw with our realtor at least twice.

When we moved, there's only about one house that we looked at more than once. We were looking for some difficult design considerations like accessibility, so that eliminated a lot.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

No, my kids' opinions wouldn't matter to me at all. They are kids, they aren't paying the mortgage, and a house is a major investment. Kids tend to be reactionary about changes of this nature. They have no sense of the value of real estate or resale value.

I suspect that these people are using this as an excuse more than anything. Sometimes it's hard to come up with tactful reasons for why you don't like a house.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

We took our 3yo with us when we did the first viewing of the houses we saw when looking for this one, mainly because seeing obvious dangers is much easier for me if she's there with me (like the one with 8 concrete steps onto the concrete patio, no railing and a clause in the deeds about not altering that - uh, no thanks! lol.

But we didn't take her to the second viewing and we didn't take her opinion into account, and i would only do so if she was ACTUALLY going to be paying the mortgage from the get-go - not "one day i'll have a job and pay digs towards the household costs" but "i was left £10000 by grandma and want to put it into this house". In all honesty if they don't like the kitchen colour or room size they can do well at school, get a great job, and buy their own house that they like.


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

I'd probably ask for their opinion with the understanding that their dad and I still have final say. They may point things out that we hadn't thought of, ya know.

Mostly though, having them around will influence my decision enough, I think. We're thinking of moving next year sometime. So, when looking at houses, I definitely consider my daughter's (and future children's) needs, including what her needs will be when she's a teen. That includes things like bedroom size for her and space for privacy, etc.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

WE would take his opinion in stride. It would be a family discussion (within reason). I would want him to be happy with his new room etc. When we moved last spring from an apartment to a house (Still renting) DS was with us. At 2.5 sure he didn't a lot of input but we wanted him to see the potential of the backyard and see his new room. He loved it all and we were happy that he was happy.

If concerns were not structural but surface like paint, I would ask for suggestions of colours and ideas. My guess is that if the teens were part of the decision process then they were part of it from the beginning. After all...sure they may be off to college in a couple years but they still want a home to come back to.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
We took our 3yo with us when we did the first viewing of the houses we saw when looking for this one, mainly because seeing obvious dangers is much easier for me if she's there with me (like the one with 8 concrete steps onto the concrete patio, no railing and a clause in the deeds about not altering that - uh, no thanks! lol.

But we didn't take her to the second viewing and we didn't take her opinion into account, and i would only do so if she was ACTUALLY going to be paying the mortgage from the get-go - not "one day i'll have a job and pay digs towards the household costs" but "i was left £10000 by grandma and want to put it into this house". In all honesty if they don't like the kitchen colour or room size they can do well at school, get a great job, and buy their own house that they like.

You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.

If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

Considering how many posters were saying that when the kid contributes to the bills, they get some say? I sure see her logic.

In my situation, it's just the three of us and we're a team. I have final say, but their input is important to me as people who live in the same space, and who I hope will want to "come home" as the years go by.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?

What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.

I agree. I purchased our house when I was single - marriage and family were *not* on my radar. Just because dh doesn't have his name on the paperwork doesn't make it any less his home, though. He began making it his home the day he moved in. It makes it no less dd's home because she doesn't contribute to the mortgage payment (for that matter, neither do I anymore







). I guess that's the difference between living in a house and establishing a home.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mal85* 
I'd probably ask for their opinion with the understanding that their dad and I still have final say. They may point things out that we hadn't thought of, ya know.









The issues they bring up may be ones that I had thought of and discarded or may be completely different issues that I had not considered. Even if we still ended up buying the house, I would know in advance what issues would need to be addressed. Would I give my children veto power? Probably not. But we are all going to live there and preferences in one family member should not be completely ignored. From my perspective, children get so very little say in so much of their lives that when you have the opportunity to give the power, you should do so. That said, even if I rejected their input it would be a valuable lesson to them about compromise and weighing all parts of an option to decide. In this situation we also would point out the things that we, ourselves, were disappointed in with our choices so they did not feel like MOm & Dad always get what *they* want but ignore us.

We do the same with vehicle choices (well the car we use most as a family). While I have to drive it, they have to sit in it and if they have a serious objection, I want to hear it. I wish my Dad would have asked my sisters & my opinion before he bought a car where it was impossible for us to see out the back windows--- something he & my mom had no idea about. Once they realized it they understood why we were always fighting in the back seat of that car!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
What does the name on the deed have to do with anything? My mother wasn't on the deed but it was still her home and she still had a lot of say, more than my dad really because he respected her as a person and wanted her to live in a house she liked. She wanted the same things for us within reason. There are many families who have the mortgage in one name only for a variety of reasons, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the family isn't worthy enough to give an opinion on their living environment.

ITA. I have always hated the "Well, when you have a job" or "When you pay the bills..." statement. The child has no other option. I have not worked for 11.5 years now, if DP said that I would be disgusted. For many decisions (kayak, house) I actually take my children's opinions at least, if not more so, into account than DPs--- they're actuall home more then him!


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.

Yeah, same boat, though i did put more than 30k down at purchase and my name is on the deeds. I guess it depends on how you view a house.

The houses i grew up in were my PARENTS houses. They were my home, yes, but they weren't my house. I consider it part of my job as a mother to make the house we live in my children's home, but it's not part of my job to make it their house.

THEIR house is the house THEY buy/rent, as adults. Perhaps for some that's an unclear distinction, but having lived in 15 houses in 29 years, and only owned one of them, yet had a home in every one, it's a clear distinction to me.

A home is a place where you feel loved, welcomed, safe and secure. It's where you can go to lick your wounds, where you rush with your good news, where you stride out from and come home to.

A house is bricks and mortar you pay for and care for, it might be a place where you make a home, or a place where others make a home (if you let it out). Buying it is a serious issue, for which you have ultimate responsibility. I wouldn't be here and NOT be on the deeds, either it's my house or not, regardless of whether it's my home or not.

Ultimately i do not make important purchases for myself and my DH to please my children. If i buy a house we can't really afford because my 14yo likes it will they be happy to be bankrupted if i can't pay for it? Who carries the can? Because here, it is me, and if i get the responsibility then i get the rights too. They will not be growing old here. They will be growing old wherever they make their own home, which is up to them. Who knows, perhaps it will be here if they inherit, but then they can always re-paint the kitchen if we're dead.

The house my DH and i buy is OUR house, it will be their home until they make their own home, but it will always be OUR house. Every family dynamic will look different, this is just how ours looks.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
Do we know that the parents didn't talk to their kids?

For the kid who said the house wasn't green enough? Yes. If his/her view that the house needed to be ecologically friendly in areas X Y and Z had already been discussed prior to the parents going to view the home, the parents would have asked "and how about X Y and Z?" and wouldn't have bothered bringing the kid to see the house too.

There's no good way to know in advance if a kitchen is the right color (







on that one) or if a bedroom is quite the right size (seriously, even for rooms of identical size, where the windows are can make or break getting the furniture in place), so while I'm







about not just getting some paint, I do understand that the parents would have thought the house worked until their child came to see the house.


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

I'd be willing to bet that they just don't want to tell you to your face so they're blaming it on the kids. We're selling a house right now and WOW are people strange about giving their opinions! Most will praise everything to us and then we get a report from the agentwith a long list of stuff they hated.







Ad we've never even lived in the house, just flipping it, so why people are so afraid of offending is beyond me.


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

If they paid money towards it then yes they would have a say, outside of that not a chance and well I would never ask my child to help pay for a house. I would take certain things into consideration, however bottom line I am the parent and they will have to deal with whatever choices DH and I make when it comes to things like that. Besides he is military so its not like we have a lot of say as to where or how long we will be in one location.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Depends. Dh and I have looked at houses in another town, we could have moved about 5 years ago, but not now. Now the kids don't want to, they want to stay in the same schools, with the same friends, etc. Their opinion matters for that.

But if we decided to buy a house where the above was addressed? They wouldn't get a say.


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## vbactivist (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
If other people want to consult their children, that's with me. But I'm not following your logic.

Is the house in your husband's name only or is your name on the mortgage and the deed as well? Are your children's names?

Well, my kids don't pay for the groceries either, but I do take their preferences into consideration.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Sure I would give my kids a say. They have a lot of good imput on what makes a house a home. They know about as much as I do about some things. They also know our limits. When we were looking at houses we had long talks about how the spaces would be used, colors to paint, what would get remodeled first etc.... and they are little. granted though, at our price point it was more of a how can we make this work, how can we make this one a home, what is it missing? etc. You mentioned your house was pretty nice and the amount of money was a big one. At a higher price point you better believe I would be dang picky. and htings like it being green, or my kids being thrilled with their rooms would be priorities for me as well as them.

Moving can be really hard on some kids. I think having some input, even about the size of the rooms or the view from their room, can really go along way towards a smooth transition.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

another thing to consider is that they may be comparing your house to others. " I liked the room in the other house better" could be related to you as "Thier kid didn't like the bedroom" and a savy teen pointing out that "the other house is much more envioronmentally friendly" could be related to you as "this house is not green enough for the kid".


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## VroomieMama (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
Anyone here every watch House Hunters on HGTV? There are a lot of adults who decide not to buy a house because of paint colors...










Yes and a lot of them backs out of the house because of wall papers too. Its an easy fix!!!


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## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

I would listen to them, but not to let them make the final decission.

I too get really annoyed with people who can't look past paint colour!


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## BarnMomma (Dec 12, 2008)

Here's what else is bothering me- when I was a teen and we were house hunting I knew my parents had a limited budget and the homes we were looking at were modest at best. I was happy at the prospect of having a "regular" house in a regular neighborhood, not one that was income property, with strangers living above us in the two apartments we had to rent out to make ends meet.

Life has been good to me and our life is comfortable. Our current home, frankly, is quite nice and for teenagers to be complaining about room size irks me- the rooms are hardly small and heck there are 6 of them to choose from so give me a break. They just sound spoiled. And I won't go into the property's ammenities but let's just say that if my teenage self had seen this place out on a house hunt I would have thought my parents hit the lottery and didn't tell me.

Again, just venting I suppose. Hearing these remarks just makes me remember my own experience house hunting as a teen and just makes me think these kids haven't a clue about the real world.


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

The paint color reminded me of the guy last week who I don't think even looked at the _house_ because he was so busy telling me how ugly and wrong the (sparse, a few beds & tables) furniture was! Even after I told him that we only left it in case the new owner should want it, if not we would remove before closing. He just couldn't let it go.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

We brought our kids when we were rental hunting here in Mexico. One house was very promising, until we saw how hard it was for my then 3 year old to get down the stairs. To my eye, they didn't look dangerous, but seeing him inch down and get so terrified half way that dh had to go back up and get him made us realize we couldn't live there. There were other issues at other houses that our kids pointed out that we wouldn't have otherwise seen. When we picked the house we finally moved into, we all liked it, but the kids were in love with it.

So, yes, I would take their opininons into account. I wouldn't buy/rent a house that I hated because they loved it, but if they had legitimate concerns (and kitchen color is not a legitimate concerns) about a house I really liked, it could influence my opinion.


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## mran (Dec 9, 2007)

No, I probably wouldn't. We consider things that we know the kids want (ie, we have active children - we wouldn't choose an apartment or condo without ample outdoor playspace), but we don't always get to choose the house we want, we often have to settle for someplace that will just 'work'.

I will however, include each of my kids in decorating their rooms, to an extent. The big expenses (ie, furniture) I need to choose, and they need to work within that an an appropriate budget.


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## graceomalley (Dec 8, 2006)

Yes, definitely.

Our decision to buy our house was based mostly on what was good for our children. We only looked at houses that fit all of our criteria, so within that if we found a house we liked (we had our first viewings without the children) we'd take them back, then get their thoughts.

It didn't turn out to be a problem - the house we liked the most was also the house the kids liked the most ... and if there had been a huge clash of opinions we would have made the final decision by taking their thoughts into consideration, but looking much more at issues which they wouldn't have thought about, being kids.

If they really, really hated a house we probably wouldn't have bought it. On the other hand, if they were only mildly impressed by it, but we loved it, we probably would have gone for it (they got to choose paint and other decorating touches, so that probably would have won them over).


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
No, my kids' opinions wouldn't matter to me at all. They are kids, they aren't paying the mortgage, and a house is a major investment. Kids tend to be reactionary about changes of this nature. They have no sense of the value of real estate or resale value.

I suspect that these people are using this as an excuse more than anything. Sometimes it's hard to come up with tactful reasons for why you don't like a house.


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## Nansense (Jan 5, 2009)

BarnMamma: We are selling too so I can totally empathize with you on buyers' comments! We had 2 sets of second showings where they brought the teens and they disapproved. So be it. As pp said, I think giving a "the kids didn't like it" reason is easier than saying the real reason (price, location, out-datedness, etc...) It's really hard to not take feedback personally, but the right buyer will come along who will love your house! Our buyers don't like the tile in our kitchen, but luckily they looked beyond it. Hang in there & good luck!


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *staceychev* 
Anyone here every watch House Hunters on HGTV? There are a lot of adults who decide not to buy a house because of paint colors...









And it drives me completely batty!









I thought about whether our house was a good place for kids when we bought it, and that was over a year before DS was even conceived. I would certainly take my child's needs into account, and listen to his opinions when buying a house.

However, the final decision would be DH's and mine. This isn't b/c DS isn't contributing finacially, it is b/c he is a _child_. As parents we make many decisions for our children that they don't necessarily like b/c we feel it is in their best interest. I certainly wouldn't buy DS's dream house if it meant we couldn't then afford to feed him. Children just aren't ready to appreciate all the long term repercussions of something as important as buying a house.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

My kids would not be MAKING THE DECISION NO WAY. But they would have say in *some* things--like let's say they were old enough to want a family room separate from a living room to go into with friends and be separate from the adults. OK, sure.

My kids, though they haven't stated this themselves, would benefit immensely from a fenced-in yard. So I will be looking for a large fenced-in yard.

We're PG with #4. We have two boys and a girl currently. Eventually they are probably not going to want to share a bedroom with the opposite gender. I'll keep that in mind and make sure I have space to add a bedroom if one does not exist. (given our current family composition, that means we need 4 bedrooms--a 'girl room' a 'boy room' my mom's and Mine and DH's room.)

There's a particular area I'd like to move to so the kids can walk to school. It's also located near a small, not used a ton, park that we could go to.

Things like SIZES of these rooms...not so much a consideration I'll listen to. Within reason--I get wanting a room bigger than a *closet*.

If they didn't want a room on a separate level from US yet for sleeping, I'd make sure the house could accomodate that.

But no, they don't get to pick the 'style' of the house. And I'd remind them that if we OWN this house, we can PAINT THE ROOMS any color we want! Also random location choices like living near friends--friends move and change.

Now for us with *four* kids living near their school so we can walk to it might be a great consideration. For someone with *one* kid...if they really liked the neighborhood, OK. If it was near schools they liked for *all* of the child's education, OK. If they don't, school is 6 years for elem. 3 for middle, 4 for high school--all relatively short periods of time when you are thinking about a mortgage.

IT's OUR house, we as the parents have to like it. (an example, *I* as cheif floor cleaner, want NO carpet.







the kids don't get to say they don't like that. Tough. YOU don't have to try to keep carpet decent. I HATE carpet.)

So what would ultimately happen is I'd take my kids' opinions into consideration on some things, but they would NOT get a veto for "silly" reasons--and I would not be looking at houses that did not meet our major requirements. (currently, 4 bedrooms or a way to add a 4th easily, like a finished basement, a room or area to be used as indoor playspace in the winter--could even be that 4th bedroom for the time that they don't care about all sleeping in one room. And yard space. Preferably already fenced. Oh, and a location not right on a "main drag.")

So no, in the end, with all that taken into consideration, no, the children do NOT make the final decision.


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## mandib50 (Oct 26, 2004)

no, my kids would not be a major factor in our real estate decisions.

do i want their input ~ yes ~ but ultimately i have to live in the house until i die with my husband and they will be long gone by then so i think there are many factors to consider, and certainly my teen thinking their room is not "big" enough would pull no weight with me.


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seagull* 
I absolutely would consider the opinions of my children. It is their house also, even if they will spend part of the year at college or whatever. Choosing a house is a compromise all around, so I don't know that I would let their issues be dealbreakers if everything else was perfect but we would discuss the situation.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I don't think anyone expects the kids to make the "final" decision - that's just silly. But should they have some input (age appropriate) regarding their living space? Absolutely!

I thought we're all trying to raise our kids to be rational, thoughtful people.

My kids had comments on this house when we looked at it. For example, it's fully fenced - which I need, due to the hounds. THEY were the ones who noticed the gaps. Was it a deal-breaker? No! I thanked them for noticing, and we fixed the gaps before allowing the hounds loose.

Other houses, they noticed other things - some were big deals, some weren't. I made the final decision, but we all had input.


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
You know, I dont' actually make any money, it's only money from my husband's job that goes toward our mortgage, and yet I expect a say in that kind of thing. I don't think who is paying for it is the issue. My husband's salary is our family's income and money.


That isn't really a fair comparison, though. The difference is that you hopefully have a different perspective on the finances than your child. You have an adult perspective on finances and your child does not. While you may not have earned the money - your husband did - I would assume you understand the financial impact of the decision you are making when you decide to purchase something as big as a house in a different way than a kid. It isn't so much that the child didn't earn the money, but that they would not understand the responsibility, implications and long term investment of a home being purchased.


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

We are in the process of buying a house right now. Our son was probably the main factor in deciding on what kind of homes we looked at/purchase, but his opinion wasn't considered at all. We chose the type of home (a home with a yard and not a cool loft that appeals to me and DH), the neighborhood and even the city we are moving to largely because we think it will be a great place to raise kids. DH and I also really like the home, neighborhood and city - so it works for our whole family. We did not ask DS's opinion on specific houses, though. There is no way he could realistically weigh all of the factors - cost of maintenance, needed upgrades and repairs, potential for increase in value, that we may have to go to the historical society and petition to do any remodeling on certain places we have looked at, etc - that are considerations in our decision. Our house is our home, but it is also a major financial investment, which, in our minds, means it is an adult decision.


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

No, I wouldn't. Unless the kids were making mortgage payments, and able to discuss the resale value in 30 years, and able to discuss fully the impact of school zones, and the house in question in relation to job situations (long-term, short-term, distance to job, work environment...) for myself and DH... So, no.

I think there are a million and one reasons, some simple and some highly complex, why people decide not to buy a home. And though you want to know, they do not have to tell you the real reasons. Seems like it is *easier* to say "my teenager doesn't like the color of the kitchen or the view from his window" than to tell you the real reasons. *Easier* isn't always right, but it is easier.

Hmm, then again let me come back in 15 years and maybe I will give you a different answer. Many people are surprised at how open I am with my kids about so many issues. Then again, it does not mean I am open about EVERYTHING - like the stress factors I have at work. So a house closer to my DHs job would be more valuable to us, than proximity to my job, and therefore I'm not sure I could or would discuss all the details of this with my DCs.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I am a bit jaded because I am disgusted with the whole house selling thing anyway.

My grandparent's house has been on the market for two and a half years. It was built in 1954. My aunt poured nearly $15,000. into it for new windows, painting, repairs, and a new furnace, etc. It is not new, but solidly built. IF I had the means, I would buy it. My husband, who has built houses himself, said that it is built MUCH better than many new houses he has seen lately.

That is STILL not good enough for some people. We have had two couples who wanted it, but wanted us to practically GIVE it to them. They said they could get a newer house for less. My attitude with that is fine, go get your cheaply made, newer home and go away. (no I did not say that to anyone) But, it is ridiculous what people want. We went from $170K and are now going to sell it for $121K. Because we are tired of it being on the market and paying the taxes and upkeep.

We have had people whine over the color of one of the bathrooms. It is pink. One couple wanted a brand new roof when the roof was under 10 years old. It is like they want the house for free, AND you must make an old house brand new for them too.

As far as kids, I would consider area, schools, etc. But a final decision would be made by me and DH. Not our children.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I would give my kids' input some consideration, on important issues.

But if these people are letting their teens' dislike of something as trivial as paint colors affect their decision, then they just weren't that into the house to begin with, even if it appeared otherwise.


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## Laurel (Jan 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VroomieMama* 
Yes and a lot of them backs out of the house because of wall papers too. Its an easy fix!!!

After going through the hassle of removing a simple wallpaper border from my ds's room a few years ago, there's no way I'd buy a house with more than the tiniest amount of wallpaper. That experience soured me on wallpaper forever!

I'm not sure I have much to add to the rest of this discussion that hasn't already been said. My kids would have minimal input in a homebuying decision. Alot of what I'd been looking for would revolve around what I would perceive to be their needs and even wishes. But I wouldn't be taking them to look at houses, except to take them to see something we were seriously considering. Which actually might be a really good idea just to see how they interact with the house. When my mom was househunting, she took a bunch of the grandkids to see one of the houses. When she saw 6-8 of her grandkids running all over the tiny front lawn, jumping off a retaining wall into the neighbor's yard, she knew buying that house would be a huge mistake!


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## wife&mommy (May 26, 2005)

I would listen.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I have my doubts that I'll ever be in the market for a house. That said, if I _were_ in the market, my kids could influence my decision as they'd be living there, too. They wouldn't _make_ my decision, and I certainly wouldn't decide whether or not to buy any given house based on the colour of the paint or the pattern of the wallpaper.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
Here's what else is bothering me- when I was a teen and we were house hunting I knew my parents had a limited budget and the homes we were looking at were modest at best. I was happy at the prospect of having a "regular" house in a regular neighborhood, not one that was income property, with strangers living above us in the two apartments we had to rent out to make ends meet.

Life has been good to me and our life is comfortable. Our current home, frankly, is quite nice and for teenagers to be complaining about room size irks me- the rooms are hardly small and heck there are 6 of them to choose from so give me a break. They just sound spoiled. And I won't go into the property's ammenities but let's just say that if my teenage self had seen this place out on a house hunt I would have thought my parents hit the lottery and didn't tell me.

Again, just venting I suppose. Hearing these remarks just makes me remember my own experience house hunting as a teen and just makes me think these kids haven't a clue about the real world.

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You're interested in selling your house and it doesn't matter who you sell it to (within reason, I'm guessing you wouldn't want it to go to drug dealers or the like). They're buying a house and, unless they're under some kind of time pressure, they are going to be picky and keep looking until they find the right house *for them*. Try not to take their comments personally, whether they come from the adults or the teens.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

My kids are 11 and 13 and we are currently house hunting. They have a say. It's their house too.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mtiger* 
In my situation, it's just the three of us and we're a team. I have final say, but *their input is important to me as people who live in the same space,* and who I hope will want to "come home" as the years go by.

this. It's about respect. Dh and I make a lot of decisions and we will make the final decision, but we value our kids input and point of view.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarnMomma* 
Our current home, frankly, is quite nice and for teenagers to be complaining about room size irks me- the rooms are hardly small and heck there are 6 of them to choose from so give me a break. They just sound spoiled.

That's about you, not about them.

We looked at a lovely home a few days ago that one of our kids didn't like because of the size of the bedrooms. We measured the room in question, and then later measured her room. We took her concern VERY seriously and treated her with respect.

For someone else to say that my child is "spoiled" for voicing a concern would be insulting. You don't know why that family is looking for a house, how their child feels about moving, etc.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadebug* 
It isn't so much that the child didn't earn the money, but that they would not understand the responsibility, implications and long term investment of a home being purchased.

I don't know how any one expects kids to learn about these things unless they talk to them and include them in the process.

We've talked to our kids about how much we can spend, and how we need to figure in different amounts for upkeep/utilities etc. depending on what sort of house we choose. We've talked about how the age of the home plays in, a one-story vs a two story, the size of the lot, the commute time etc.

To me, it seems beyound foolish to say that parents shouldn't include their teens. How else will they learn? It is partly because they don't understand that we include them! Not including teens in decision making is a recipe for raising adults who can't make decent decisions.

Besides, this isn't just a financial decision. It's a decision about Home.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noobmom* 
They're buying a house and, unless they're under some kind of time pressure, they are going to be picky and keep looking until they find the right house *for them*. Try not to take their comments personally, whether they come from the adults or the teens.

Agreed. It's a buyers market (in most places). People can be picky.

My advice (having sold several houses) is to not be there when people look. It's not fun to hear any one of any age say what they don't like about your house.

I hope your house sells quickly! I HATE having a house on the market.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

Linda on the move - I agree with just about everything you said. Overall, when DH & I were house hunting we made the first choices as to what we could afford, location, all the practical considerations. That still gave us more than one house to look at. After that, I would agree that everyone who lives there should have their opinion considered. Among the 3 or 4 houses that DH & I would equally have considered albeit with our personal preferences, our son's opinion (he was 3 at the time, but the principle holds







) did matter. He doesn't like his room? That is very important to me in making my choice. Not green enough. I hear him. Paint? well, not a problem. He needs to feel, as much as DH & I do, that it is his home.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

No, I probably wouldn't let my kids have the final say,but would discuss any issues they brought up. My kids like our current home,but I bet they would like something about any other home we would buy since I would get something similar(but better).

It is hard to meet the needs of EVERYONE in a family,but we do try to get as close as possible to making everyone happy.We spend A LOT of time at home so we don't want *attitude* 24/7,lol.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

When I was a sophmore in high school, my mom and step dad were looking to buy a new house as they had just gotten married. they fell in love with a house literally just outside my and my brothers school district (I mean, the next house over was in ours.. it was that close) but they decided to keep looking because they knew how important it was, especially to me, that I didn't have to change schools (again actually... I went to 5 different elementary schools)

I was actually willing to change schools or we were talking about how to make it work by saying I was living with my grandpa (or even live with him during the week if necessary as the distance wasn't far) but they decided to just look within the school district. It was a big deal to me not to have to start all over getting to know a new place and try and make friends and I'm glad they took that into such consideration to even turn down a pretty awesome house.

I would take that same kind of consideration with my own kids while house hunting, but I wouldn't turn down a house for minor things like color or room size or view from the window. Those aren't all that important in the long run AND can be worked around in most cases. I wouldn't buy a house next to a dump but if my kid didn't like the view out her window beacuse of a big tree, we could always put in a window planter and bird houses to make the tree view more interesting. We could do loft beds to make a bedroom seem bigger... I'd be more concerned with location of the house and the set up of the house. I won't move into a house where brother and sister have to share a room becaues of how awkward that can be as they get older but if everything they NEED fits into their room, then its just a matter of finding awesome organization solutions. I've seen small spaces turned into amazingly brilliant spaces so they can deal.

So yeah, I'd take my children's opinions into consideration, but only to a point. Especially if they are teenagers who won't be home much longer, some things just aren't going to be high on my priority list while house hunting. I want them to be comfortable and happy, but there are ways to make that happen in a home they might not like at first glance as much as I do.


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## dmpmercury (Mar 31, 2008)

I wouldn't let their opinion on paint color or room size affect my decision. I would take feelings into consideration but they won't affect the final decision. I would hope room size wouldn't be a concern to my kids because I want to keep things simple and teach them how to live with less. We get around size with design. If my kid was considering how green a house was I would be damn proud and know I taught them well.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

No, they would not have that kind of say. If the complained about the neighborhood I would consider.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

We will probably be moving in a few years. But for now we take walks around our neighborhood and go look at the houses that are being built (our neighborhood is being developed *very* quickly so there are tons of houses/townhomes being put up right now). On the ones that aren't quite finished yet we go in and look around. We explain to ds what rooms are what and he tells us his opinion. When we do start looking seriously at houses, I imagine we will take him (at least to houses we are seriously considering). We found one house last week that ds loved because it had a little mini room off of the bedroom that would be his. It wasn't a closet (it had one of those too). It was just kinda a bonus room. He loved it and said he wanted to buy that house so the mini room could be my bedroom... right next to him







DP, apparently, was going to get the big master bedroom all to himself


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I would take my children's opinion very seriously. I want to buy a house as a forever home for us, and then them. I am a big fan of keeping a home in the family for generations instead of doing the whole "starter home" and then move up every few years that seems to be all the rage. I want roots, permanency, memories. So in light of that, they'll likely be living in it longer than I will.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

When I was a teenager, my parents bought a house without my sister or I even seeing it or knowing they were going to buy it! We were somewhere between very confused and very annoyed. It was a bank owned property and they got quite a steal. I was NOT HAPPY with our first walk through: it was night and the house had no electricity, plus was old and creepy and the previous owners had trashed it. So I saw my new home by the light of a flashlight as all the wildlife scurried out of our way.

It did all work out: it turned out to be an amazing house, once it was no longer falling down. And it was the deal of the century. So I understand their reasons. But I don't think I would do that to my kids without really good reason. I want it to be their home too.

On the other hand, when they had to move again when I was 18, my mother and I went on a preliminary househunting expedition. And saw a place so amazing and so dirt cheap I convinced my mother to take it right then and there. So their next house they bought without my father even seeing it! We did mail pictures back to him...


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Came across this today and thought of this thread:
http://www.leasticoulddo.com/comic/20100719


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That said, if I _were_ in the market, my kids could influence my decision as they'd be living there, too. They wouldn't _make_ my decision, and I certainly wouldn't decide whether or not to buy any given house based on the colour of the paint or the pattern of the wallpaper.

This. We won't be looking to buy for a few more years, we need to wait until we re-gain the equity in our current home. Because we have children that will influence our wants/desires in a house, but they won't make the decision for us.

For example, if we didn't have children I wouldn't be as concerned about things like safe outdoor play space or how easily I can put gates up on stairs, etc.. The next time we move DD will most likely be 7 or 8, I imagine that she will get some say in our new home.


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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *VroomieMama* 
Yes and a lot of them backs out of the house because of wall papers too. Its an easy fix!!!


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Laurel* 
After going through the hassle of removing a simple wallpaper border from my ds's room a few years ago, there's no way I'd buy a house with more than the tiniest amount of wallpaper. That experience soured me on wallpaper forever!

This. Wallpaper is... well, not a DEALBREAKER for us, but having watched and helped my parents fight the wallpaper battle, and then the fix-the-walls battle, it would have to be a pretty amazing house at a pretty amazing price for me to consider a house with anything more than an inconsequential amount of wallpaper. I will never, ever wallpaper a room. Ever. E.V.E.R. It took two full kitchen renovations to un-do all the wallpaper damage. You just never know how sloppily it was put up.

As to the OP... I think kids should be allowed to voice an opinion, and that opinion should be taken seriously, but "the kitchen is painted an icky color," is something that, in my opinion, is something I'd respond to with, "OK, is there any way we could fix that?" Because... uh, kid? Painting is relatively easy and inexpensive. Bedroom size is a consideration, but it's something I'd consider BEFORE showing the house to a kid. I mean, yeah, Teeny McTeenybopper might think she's due a master-sized bedroom suite, but really... adolescent brains can distort average-sized bedrooms into "OMG SO TINY HOW WILL I EVER LIVE HERE WTH ARE YOU DOING TO ME MOM?!?!?!?!"

The thing is, as adults, we need to consider not just what kids WANT, but what they need. So yeah, Joey wants a bigger room. But this house has a large, fenced backyard, is close to good schools, and the price and lack of renovation required will allow Mom and Dad to save money for his college education. Junior is then owed an explanation of how, taking his (and the rest of the family's) needs AND wants into consideration, despite his objection over the bedroom size, they've opted to buy the house. Now how can we make the situation more acceptable?

So... opinion, yes. Input, yes. Decision-making, deal-breaking power? Probably not, though considerations like moving schools and leaving friends carry more weight... but that's all stuff I'd consider before even SHOWING a kid a house.

We're lucky. We're buying a house and DS's opinion on it (we drove by and pointed to it for him) is "Blue house! Got a big tree! Look... a brown van!" Which I guess, when you're two, is a vote of approval and then a lack of attention span.









He is (and his unborn sibling as well, I guess), let's be honest, the biggest factor in our house-buying decisions. But taking his needs into consideration is very different than pandering to his ever whim... and while it'd be different if he were older, the premise would be the same.


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## buttercup784ever (Aug 22, 2008)

I think the things the teenagers had problems with were valid. She didn't say that they didn't like the PAINT color. She said she didn't like the color. That could mean the countertops, cabinets, flooring etc. Those are not an easy fix. And whether or not a house is "green" or not is, I think, a really important issue. And even if YOU don't care what the teens' opinions are, their parents obviously do or they wouldn't have asked.

It doesn't seem to me that anyone here is advocating letting their children have final say in which house to buy. Like most people above, I listen to my kids' wants, prioritize those with our family's needs, and try to find something in our price range we could all live with. If I had several houses to choose from, I'd definitely have my kids see them and help make the decision. That doesn't mean I wouldn't voice MY opinion.

I really think the parents that say, 'it's my money, my decision' are making a mistake. It just seems like such a self-centered thing to say. It's not your children's fault that they don't have money yet or knowledge about the real estate market. I'm not saying you should buy a house on a fault line because your kid loves the view from his room! I just don't understand how you could look your child in the face and say, 'your opinion doesn't mean anything to me'. Are these the same parents that say 'because I said so'?


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

I am looking for a new rental and while its not a purchase so its not as permanent its still $$, I am taking DS's opinions. There is nothing worse than an unhappy child.....


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## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

If my kids had genuine, valid concerns then yes I would absolutley take them into consideration. Paint color is not a valid concern to me as it is pretty easily changable. Paint color is not a deal breaker for me period.

That said, I am sorry that it will be taking longer to sell your house. Its always hard to have your hopes up and then be disappointed.


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