# What did you learn about birth that you wish someone had told you?



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I had never heard of an episiotomy until I was pregnant. I wish I'd known that word earlier. My life's mission became to avoid that, and luckily I did.

I learned through the birth process that having the baby isn't the end of it. I thought I'd have the baby and it would be all over! I also wish that had been better explained to me.

What did you learn that you wish you'd known?


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

I knew a lot before birth, classes and books aplenty, but there are some things I had to experience to understand. Like that I would have my own unique way of doing it and the birth would happen whether I was loud or quiet, relaxed or active, and no matter what it was a success. I wish I'd really known with my first it can take a long time so rest up until you can't anymore. Also that you have to let go, surrender and get out of your body's way.


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## michelleepotter (Apr 8, 2013)

I wish I had understood how often Pitocin is overused, that there's nothing really wrong with labor progressing slowly (or even unevenly in spurts and stops), and that just because someone says, "You need ..." doesn't necessarily mean that you do.

Unfortunately, I was reading a wonderful book that covered all of this -- and I read that chapter right after I got home from my unnecessarily augmented labor turned c-section. Sigh.


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## myra1 (Jan 20, 2013)

Since I'm in the U.S., so, so, so much. What are we doing to our women with these standard hospital births!


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## tpase (Jun 23, 2010)

complete and utter lack of sleep.......seemingly for the REST of your life! )


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## tm0sweet (Sep 28, 2012)

I wish someone had told me about the shakes after the baby is born.... When you just can't stop shivering. I was afraid I would give my first baby shaken baby syndrome I was shivering so badly


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

How much blood i would lose, both right after and for weeks. I was unprepared for that the first time and i had a normal loss of blood. I wish i had adult diapers on hand, that would have made for easier clean up and less mess.

How much birth can truly shake my foundation. I thought just the baby did that, but no. Maybe its because i've had unassisted births in which i had to become really in tune with my intuition, or maybe this is just how birth is. I've never been the same, giving birth has completely changed my perspective on life, in a good way.

How needy you (the mother) feels the first week or two after. I thought just the baby was going to be needy. Boy, was i wrong. I felt almost like a baby myself. I needed to be held, listened to, fed, loved, and nurtured. It was an extremely vulnerable time.


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *tm0sweet*
> 
> I wish someone had told me about the shakes after the baby is born.... When you just can't stop shivering. I was afraid I would give my first baby shaken baby syndrome I was shivering so badly


I shook during labor instead. I swear, that wore me and my muscles out way more than the actual labor part. I really, really hope that doesn't happen this time...

I agree on the vulnerable part, Primordial, I wasn't prepared for that either. Between the hormones and the Life Changing Event and the part where everyone leaves to let you take care of another human being all alone, I was a mess!


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## Tiffa (Mar 24, 2013)

This is my first so I have been trying to be informed by reading plenty of books, and discussions on different forums. I am also signed up to take prenatal classes at my hospital. I am eager to hear what you experienced mother's have to say here.


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## Adaline'sMama (Apr 16, 2010)

I wish I'd known that all of the massage techniques DH learned werent going to work. I did not want to be touched. Period.

Also, I wish someone had told me about how the afterpains get worse every time.


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## bobcat (Mar 4, 2010)

Believe it or not, I didn't realize quite how big my tummy would look, even on a "thin" person, afterwards. So then when I saw Duchess Kate not hiding her bump today (postpartum), I was like, "you go girl!" That was the first time I had seen a woman's belly so "closely" (not covered or hidden) right after birth. Since I was thin also, I assumed the bump would flatten out, but it wasn't......and I think most people in the real world don't realize, you REALLY will look 5-7 months pregnant afterwards, unless you TRY to hide it. I spent weeks thinking I was a freak of nature.

Also, I wish someone would have told me to bring earplugs to the hospital. I wasn't planning on getting an epidural, but did. Then I wished I had earplugs so I could sleep. You can hear the nurses and stuff going on outside your room at night, in Labor in Delivery. I finally buzzed the nurse to bring me some at 4 AM, but I only had 1.5 hours of darkness left to sleep at that point. I had packed TONS of stuff, scoured every list on what to bring, and never did I see earplugs mentioned. I didn't use a lot of the other stuff!

I also wish I would have read up more. I "knew" I wanted a natural delivery, but I still wasn't educated enough on what an epidural was, etc, until the very end, when I crammed. Things can change, so just know it all. Know what a C-section is like.

I wish I would have known not to get too attached to anything.....this or that outfit, this product for newborns, etc. Things change so quickly, that you may scarcely have time to use an infant carrier, before your baby outgrows it. So don't obsess about any "thing."

I wish I would have realized how nice it was to stay in the hospital overnight, multiple nights. Sacrilige, I know!!! But it was nice having food brought to us, every meal, and never having to leave the baby's side, and hubby never having to leave our sides, not for a moment. There were no awkward fights about how to do this or that, because there was someone there to be a tie breaker. Even if we ignored their advice.


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## PrimordialMind (May 4, 2013)

*bobcat*: i hear ya about the postpartum belly, i was shocked and disturbed by it, too. I felt so flabby and unattractive. It took a few months for it to go back to normal. I might try belly binding next time, i've heard great things about it.


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## nj001 (Jul 17, 2013)

Okay, most of this I wrote as though what I would tell the version of me who is nearly 8 months pregnant if I could talk to me, then. It obviously doesn't hold true for everyone.

And it's not all about birth but about those first few weeks, I guess because the labor came and went but those first weeks and months were quite an initiation to motherhood!

Not all moms deliver their first late. I was nearly a month early and it was scary!

Hire a doula! You will not want to speak to your loving husband once contractions begin. He just doesn't get it and can't say or do the right thing no matter how hard he tries!

Severe, severe sleep deprivation in the early weeks, followed by spurts of severe sleep deprivation in the months ahead. And that it will pass.

There will be no time to prepare food for a while, so if you don't have a lot of people preparing casseroles for you after the birth, do it for yourself beforehand. Prepare as much as will fit in the freezer.

Breastfeeding was significantly harder and more painful than anyone prepared me for. (This could be followed by a list of things I could have done to make breastfeeding easier).

At 97.8 degrees she did not need to be put under a warmer to heat up. She needed skin to skin with a blanket and to nurse.

As soon as someone utters anything that suggests you should hold your baby less/wait to respond/ etc., you should tune them out immediately. They are so, horribly wrong.

Hold her more.

It may feel like your instincts aren't kicking in, but they are and in time you will see how strong they are.

There will be moments where you can't imagine it's possible for you to do what you're supposed to do all by yourself without sleep. But you are and the payoff is great!

I'm sure there's more but that's it. It's a wonderful journey and is completely life changing.


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## AllisonRH (Mar 21, 2011)

No one told me how amazing I would feel after an unmedicated, natural birth. I had this amazing rush of feel-good hormones and turned to my midwife and just said "I feel AMAZING!!". And also how absolutely starving I would be.

That everyone loves to offer you parenting advice - I love to hear different opinions but at the end of the day I do what feels right and works for me and my family. Whether that is AP or not, or any of the other theories behind parenting just doing what works for you and feels right was the best decision for us. It did make some of our family members a little upset that we weren't parenting in the same way that they did but I am ok with that.

Your friends that have kids will be way more understanding and helpful than your friends that don't have kids. This may be just my group of friends but I totally didn't see this coming. I thought my friends without kids would be by more but they just weren't.

Oh - and how emotional you are the first couple weeks after giving birth. I always heard about the baby blues, and PPD, but being the kind of person who rarely cries and have never had any issues with depression I just assumed I would be fine. I cried a ton (happy tears as well as sad tears) for about a week and a half or so, then on an off for awhile after that.


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## monkeyscience (Feb 5, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamazee*
> 
> I learned through the birth process that having the baby isn't the end of it. I thought I'd have the baby and it would be all over! I also wish that had been better explained to me.










I read so, so much about birth, and a little about breastfeeding, and thought I'd just be okay with a baby. We went home less than 5 hours after our baby was born, and looked at each other like... what the heck are we doing?!? (It was 1 AM by this time, too.)

I wish someone had explained that the feelings of not being able to cope any more when you're in transition aren't just psychological. It actually hurts more! I was under the impression it was an all-in-your-head thing. Um. No. Contractions getting closer and closer and harder and harder is not all in my head.

Also, next time I need to tell my husband/midwife/someone to remind me why I shouldn't scream at the top of my lungs, and why I shouldn't push my baby out as fast as humanly possible. I know why, but I couldn't access that knowledge at all in the throes of labor.


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## monkeyscience (Feb 5, 2008)

Oh, and while eating something in early labor may be good for keeping your energy up, you may want to skip the bagel and cream cheese in active labor, or you might just spend the rest of your labor feeling like you're going to barf.


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## vanni (Jan 16, 2012)

I wish I had known more about the possibility of prolapse (uterine, bladder, rectocele) and how to minimize the chances of it happening. This extends into the postpartum time - I think that we're expected to jump back into things very quickly before we have fully healed and that can have an impact on our pelvic floor health.


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## vanni (Jan 16, 2012)

Oh, and I wish I had known more about postpartum depression and had told myself it would be truly okay to ask for help. I didn't and I regret it.


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## LittleCapucine (May 16, 2012)

That afterpains are full blown contractions during nursing with subsequent babies...and to pee before nursing and lay a full hot water bottle on your lower abdomen while nursing to keep them tame.

Have chapstick and a hairtie around during labor.

That postpartum elation is also a real thing, and equally hormone-driven as the depression flavor.

That milk letdown can be toe-curlingly painful, so if the baby seems latched well and then two minutes in it hurts, it could well be just letdown.

That being unable to get back to sleep at 2am will be with you for years, wakeful and watchful mama turf.

Be alone mostly with your newborn listening for the uncertain idea flickering across your mind on why she is doing Thing X or maybe she needs Thing Y.

Being just a family alone at home for six weeks is full of what is good and needed.

Birth opens you to the world, literally, and the most vulnerable time lasts with the bleeding. So avoid the meanies like flu carriers, you've got no armor up against them. It will one day return, but if they are mean now you will never forget it.

Moby the baby...love!!!


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## magnoliasmom (Jul 27, 2013)

For my first and only so far, I was so geared up for having an awesome natural birth but really didnt consider what happens after that. I really didnt know how tough the first few weeks would be. And then additionally, looking back I see that had I focused more of my preparation on becoming a mother and not just birthing that it actually would've been helpful in the birth. I think I was subconsciously apprehensive about becoming a mother and that actually stalled out my labor towards the end. (Over-analyze much?)

Oh and lastly, my goodness I wish someone had looked me in the face and said "TRUST YOURSELF!"


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## cheer4hen (Jul 24, 2013)

I wish I would have researched more "what if's...."

I had a fantastic birth plan with no IVs, eat, drink, walk around during labor, no pain meds, go home 12 hours later... etc...

Then when the time really came to have my baby my water broke, and six hours later I went to the hospital because I wasn't having contractions. Of course they started me on a cascade of interventions leading to a C-Sec. I'll never regret that because me and my baby are happy and healthy, but I wish I was more armed with information about "what if my water breaks and contractions don't start", etc.


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## srieger (Jan 6, 2013)

I wish I would have known that the entire birth event can be really really fast (even if it's your first time)! Like a lot of you, I was very well read and "prepared" for the birth and was expecting contractions to begin and then become closer together over time. In actuality, the contractions came out of nowhere and were 30 seconds to 60 seconds apart from the beginning. It was totally wild!

I also wish that I would have known that the intense pressure that I felt was not some bout of violent diarrhea but maybe, just maybe my water needing to break. (I almost threw in the towel on our home birth because I thought I was going to cover my husband in "you know what"!) Silly I know but I couldn't help it!

More than anything though, I wish I could scream from the rooftops that birth can be exhilarating, empowering and here is the kicker...we women were made to do it! We weren't "made" to sit at desks all day or to stand on our feet cutting hair all day but we were made to birth babies. That is the one truth that can help you through those contractions and keep you feeling strong!


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## nj001 (Jul 17, 2013)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *LittleCapucine* 

That milk letdown can be toe-curlingly painful, so if the baby seems latched well and then two minutes in it hurts, it could well be just letdown.



> Oh my gosh. I forgot how much the letdown used to hurt. This passed for me and there is nothing remotely painful about nursing (anymore), but it used to hurt. A lot.


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## nj001 (Jul 17, 2013)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *LittleCapucine* 

That milk letdown can be toe-curlingly painful, so if the baby seems latched well and then two minutes in it hurts, it could well be just letdown.

Oh my gosh. I forgot how much the letdown used to hurt. This passed for me and there is nothing remotely painful about nursing (anymore), but it used to hurt. A lot.


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

That the first time you go pee after birth you might have cuts and it will burn something horrible. I screamed and jumped off the toilet it surprised me and burned SOOOO bad. I told my midwife after and she was like thats what that squirt bottle is for that I left in the bathroom. How was I supposed to know?? lol


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## isad3 (Jul 28, 2013)

That if it ends in a c section, it's ok. Your babys birth is just as amazing and beautiful as natural delivery. I was so sad about it, then my husband said " how cool is it that you love this baby so much, you were willing to cut open your body just so you could hold him " It changed my whole attitude, my scar is proof of strength and love


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## monkeyscience (Feb 5, 2008)

I wish someone had told me that even with a positive outlook on birth, even with the belief that our bodies are made to do this, even with a midwife and a birth center and the works... it might hurt really, really bad. So bad that if it had been possible, I would have walked away and committed to never, every having any children, bio or adopted, if only someone would make it stop hurting. I wish someone had told me that it might take weeks, if not months, to get over the trauma of that pain. But that I could and would move past it, and even actually want to have children again!

About postpartum - I wish someone had mentioned to me that I'd be peeing on myself for awhile, and that if I wouldn't wait so long to go to the bathroom, it wouldn't happen so much! I also wish I had known that if your stitches haven't dissolved by 2 weeks or so, you should really get someone to look at them, and possibly pull them out. Because healing will actually go so much better when they are gone! (I didn't know dissolving stitches could just fail to dissolve, but I know I'm not the only one this has happened to!)


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I think people did tell me, I just didn't believe it. That you won't really be in your normal frame of mind, and will be in a weakened and vulnerable state for people who had a specific agenda.

Also, take lots of photos. You will wish you had them after the fact.

When you have a homebirth and people decide to leave you alone for awhile, you may start to feel abandoned. Same after the birth. I didn't think I would actually miss being in the hospital, but there was something about how the nurses seemed to regard me, how they brought me meals and checked on me and told me I did a great job and my baby was beautiful--all that stuff that I didn't get afterwards giving birth at home. So I did feel elated, but it was like, "Yay, I'm done, let's celebrate" and it was time to be quiet. But I'm probably just weird like that.


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## Jaxy (Oct 3, 2012)

How hospitals actually push c-sections... When I was reading about the birth and all, I always skipped the c-section because I thought it wouldn't happen to me... I cried from the moment the doctor told me I would have one to the moment I saw my baby... Must have been 8h....


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## AllisonRH (Mar 21, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *magnoliasmom*
> 
> Oh and lastly, my goodness I wish someone had looked me in the face and said "TRUST YOURSELF!"


YES! I was pushing and totally ready to give up. I remember saying "I don't think I can do this" and both my midwife and my husband at the same time said "YES YOU CAN!". It was amazing to have that kind of support behind me and I owe it to them for helping me make it through and giving birth the way I wanted to.


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## LilyKay (Jun 28, 2011)

I wish someone told me I'd get really hungry during labor. Everyone said you lose your appetite but when my MIL showed up and she had a bar of chocolate with her, I literally almost swallowed it.

I was so scared of an episiotomy and I did get one, but in all honesty, it healed very quickly. I was also horrified how it will look down there and the OB made me take a look to calm down about it. It didn't look bad at all. I forgot about it in two days.

I did not know that sometimes placentas do not come out. I had to have a very minor operation with full anesthesia (woke up after 40 minutes and could breastfeed DD). If I had known about that before the birth it would have freaked me out but it was the best part! I woke up so happy & relaxed, they had already cleaned & stitched up everything without me going through additional pain.

I also learned that even if you prepared for months for an all-natural labor, a long and intensely painful one can make you lose your stamina and determination. I did not prepare for that. I did not care about anything natural in the end (after 26 hours). After 3 hours of pushing, I found it so ironic that *I* demanded a c-section and they told me to try pushing for another half hour. I'm glad they didn't listen to me; I pushed her out ten minutes later.

And I also did not know about postpartum elation. I almost felt guilty about it because I was so happy for the first few weeks after DD was born. I had a bit of the blues after that though.


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## petaariana (Jul 30, 2013)

As someone who grew up in a house filled with nurses & doctors I thought I would be prepared & knew all the terminology! What I didn't know to expect is the feeling you have when the epidural is administered I. Your spine! That week feeling in Your legs but not together - a tingle slightly pins & needles feeling one leg at a time- most terrifying! The how & when a catheter is inserted & how it is removed! The importance of getting up moving around after c-section no matter how uncomfortable ! The use. & importance of DISPOSABLE underwear


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## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

I wish I had heard about the possibility of pelvic organ prolapse and what that even was. I had never heard of it until maybe a month or so ago, after my second baby (a 9.5 pounder!) I have always heard about kegels and the importance of keeping the pelvic floor strong, but i never knew that avoiding pelvic organ prolapse was one of the main reasons for that.

I also recently read that something like 80-90% of post-partum women experience some degree of prolapse in the first weeks after birth. I'd always assumed that sort of thing was reserved for really old ladies. But it definitely makes the 6weeks without exercise rule seem much less arbitrary. Its so easy to feel like I ought to get back out there ASAP, but the longterm health of my pelvic floor is so much more important.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *vanni*
> 
> Oh, and I wish I had known more about postpartum depression and had told myself it would be truly okay to ask for help. I didn't and I regret it.


Me too.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamazee*
> 
> I had never heard of an episiotomy until I was pregnant. I wish I'd known that word earlier. My life's mission became to avoid that, and luckily I did.
> 
> ...


1. I wish I had known that hypnobirthing, hypnobabies, and unmedicated childbirth techniques don't work for the vast majority of moms who give birth in hospital settings. I allowed myself to expect a pain bearable childbirth, and when it wasn't bearable in the slightest, felt something was wrong with me. Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.

2. I wish I had known just how damaging birth can be to my body at 32 and being kind of out of shape. It's vastly different from a healtrhy woman in their early 20's; we just don't heal the same as we age. I wish I had known how common nerve damage, epsiotomy damage, tearing damage, incontinence, etc, is, so that I could have opted for a scheduled c-section the first time around. Instead, I picked a middle road of attempting a natural birth with a midwife in the hospital and wound of with the worst of both worlds. (However, I am so happy my son was born healthy regardless of my personal woes).

3. I wish I had known how happy being a mom would make me, and how rewarding it is, and how proud I would feel, and how I was able to transcend my past problems and be good at it. I might have started much sooner in life


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

To buy the disposable plate ware and the paper napkins.

That postpartum mental health issues can include OCD and anxiety, and that a lot of the concerns I had about breast-feeding vs bottle feeding, co-sleeping vs crib sleeping, etc, and other people's judgment were real concerns that had been grossly magnified through the filter of anxiety. That I didn't have to live in a state of constant tension and fear. That counseling and medication are just tools, not signs of being broken.

.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> 1. I wish I had known that hypnobirthing, hypnobabies, and unmedicated childbirth techniques don't work for the vast majority of moms who give birth in hospital settings. I allowed myself to expect a pain bearable childbirth, and when it wasn't bearable in the slightest, felt something was wrong with me. Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.
> 
> ...


Wow, we have had such different experiences. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you! I had my first baby in my my mid 30s and my second in my early 40s, both were natural births in hospitals, and I haven't had any problems after either of them.

But I totally agree with #3. If I knew how much I love kids, I might have had them earlier. On the other hand, late is when my husband and I were ready, and we've had a great deal of financial flexibility due to waiting. I think early vs. late is a choice where there are positives and negatives on both sides.


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## evmadi (Sep 2, 2012)

I learned that not all hoapitals want to drug you and C-section your baby. I had 2 awesome, natural, midwife attended births at my local hospital. One of them a water birth. I loved being taken care of for a couple days after birthing. The nearest birth center was expensive and they make you go home just a few short hours after birth.
I also wish I had known the first time, a baby that isn't latching in the first few days isn't doomed to be bottle fed. The second time around I sought out lactation support and learned it could take months. I never gave up and due to excellent support my baby finally nursed.


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## gabklein (Oct 15, 2012)

Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it. Also, I can't understand how I didn't know this at the time, but check beforehand to see how much control you will have over the process, and use that control to speak your mind. I was doing just fine until the nurse squeezed my belly into a sensor band the size of a pony tail holder and made me lie down. I wish I'd told her I preferred to remain standing for as long as possible.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

I'm not in the tiny minority in the general public, just here, which makes sense. I realize I'm in the minority of moms here who did not and would not enjoy another vaginal birth. It probably has to do partly with me not being afraid to share an unpopular opinion and also being one of the people who came here before I had any birth experience. There are times when I feel like I don't belong here, for sure.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gabklein*
> 
> Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it.


I so totally agree with this. It seems like there is so much fear of getting a baby too accustomed to a nipple and instead they are too UNaccustomed to it. My life would have been much easier if I could have had a break once a day, but it took my son three months before he would regularly accept a bottle, and another SIX months before he would accept a night feeding from a bottle.

From my experience night breastfeeding creates long-term tendency to continue multiple wakings in the night, too. I intend to introduce a bottle 1-2 weeks PP and try bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding at night as soon as 4 weeks PP. It is very against "instinct" so I have to really plan it. I am well aware of the convenience of boob, but in the long run it simply didn't work for me and DS.

This time around I have a plan and a schedule for when to introduce things like this to the new baby to make sure I'm not constantly running on empty in terms of sleep, energy, and general sanity.


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## Angelorum (Aug 5, 2006)

How hard it can be to find your own cervix during labor. I was very familiar with finding it before and during pregnancy, but when I had been laboring for about 12 hours and was getting tired, and the midwife suggested I could check myself if I wanted, it all felt completely foreign! I could feel a little of the baby's head, and a lot of squishy tissue all around. At the time, I thought the squishy-ness was just really ripe/soft cervix, and so I thought I must have a lot more dilating to do. My midwife checked me a few hours later and declared me complete, and I started pushing. Pushing wasn't feeling very effective and so I reached up again to check out how things felt, and it felt exactly as it had before. I got really worried that I had gone backwards, and was pushing against my cervix. Once I voiced my concern, my midwife said that with the baby descending, the walls of the vagina can get kind of bunched up, and that was probably what I was feeling. I don't think I reached my cervix at all during labor. I had read a lot of birth stories before, including ones where the mother checked herself, but never one that included details about what it might feel like in there!


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## LilyKay (Jun 28, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> Had I known that childbirth is usually painful and sometimes excrutiating no matter how well a person prepares or how positive they are, I would have made the personal decision to prepare for a medicalized birth from the beginning and done more research away from the industry of natural childbirth.


I really understand. Even though I'm still going for a natural birth this time around, I have no judgement [anymore] whatsoever for anyone wanting a medicalized one . I was that naive the first time around thinking that it can't be that bad. It wasn't that bad for some friends of mine but the pain I experienced was unbelievably excrutiating (even my midwife commented on the strength of the contractions, they were off the chart). It also made me feel like somewhat of a failure that it took so long and I couldn't take it at the end. I also feel a twinge of guilt when people talk about wonderful birth experiences. I just really wish that someone told me that you can be fit, very healthy, do everything right and birth will still not be a wonderful experience. I probably would not have believed them!


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *gabklein*
> 
> Give your baby a bottle as soon as possible and regularly. I didn't try one until DD was about 2 months old, and she wanted nothing to do with it.


If you're breastfeeding, I'd avoid giving bottles until breastfeeding is off to a good start, unless you know you are going back to work within 6 weeks. And even then, I probably still wait a couple of weeks. My first child had bottles right away and developed an aversion to the bottle and refused to take it, and also her latch was bad and I had nipple trauma. My second one didn't have a bottle until she was 4 months old, and she was fine with it, and I didn't have the painful latching problems with her. So I think it depends on the baby, and what the mother wants to accomplish by giving a bottle.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LilyKay*
> 
> I also feel a twinge of guilt when people talk about wonderful birth experiences. I just really wish that someone told me that you can be fit, very healthy, do everything right and birth will still not be a wonderful experience. I probably would not have believed them!


 I posed a question a few days ago asking what if it could be proven that c-section was safer for mother and child despite it's own risks, would you still choose natural birth? Most people said yes. I would have said yes before I had my son, too. But everyone has a different experience and perception of that experience. I did not believe the women who complained about the trials of natural birth. I didn't want to because my hypnobabies told me that was wrong! My own mom had me drug free and also says she would opt for a c-section if she could go back and do it over again. I decided she was just being negative and that our bodies were meant to do this. Maybe some womens' are. I don't care that mine isn't and don't feel any guilt about that.

I'm not terrified of natural birth but I have learned to be afraid of not being in control and not knowing what to expect. With childbirth that is a tricky challenge to navigate and if it weren't for that and my extreme sensitivity, I would have a natural birth too.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Along the lines of what demeter has said, I wish I would have heard less about how birth is safe, because it's not, and it's not unsafe only because of "interference." That would not have made any difference in my daughter's outcome (a perfect storm of bad luck circumstances that could not have been planned for), but it would have been more truthful. Instead, I heard about how important it was to have positive thinking. I think that there is a huge difference between the calm you have because you have faced your fear and know what you can and cannot control, and that you've made the best decisions you could with the information you have.... and denying that there is anything to be afraid of because you are afraid that being afraid will cause something bad to happen. I see far too much of the latter sometimes.

Birth is dangerous. As a species, we don't need a 100% survival rate and we don't all need to come out intact. The odds are good, most of the time, and much of how birth goes is luck of one sort or another (access to appropriate, evidence-based care, the specifics of your own body, genetic issues, freak accidents) but when you're in the small percentage of people who lose a baby because of intrapartum issues or injuries, or have serious injuries to your own body, well, it effing sucks.

And then once you're in the club no one wants to be in, you find out that the bad things are a lot more common than you thought. My baby died and all of a sudden I knew thirty people whose babies also died. In real life, not via the internet.

Most of the time things do go well, but suffering is part of being human, and nothing we do makes us safe from death or pain. And yet, just because we are all going to die doesn't mean you don't buckle your seat belt because you're just going around the block, kwim? I'm not advocating for one kind of birth over another, but just for honesty about the fact that birth is not "safe." We all have to come to terms with that fact somehow, but not by denying that it's true. Admitting that birth is not safe is not negative thinking and it's not going to cause bad things to happen any more that admitting that driving is dangerous will cause you to get into an accident. Birth is hard, it's beautiful, and it's a mystery and a miracle. It's amazing that our bodies can do it and glorious when it goes right. But it's not safe and I guess I'm kind of sick of hearing that it is.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> And then once you're in the club no one wants to be in, you find out that the bad things are a lot more common than you thought. My baby died and all of a sudden I knew thirty people whose babies also died. In real life, not via the internet.


Cyclamen, I went and found your post about your daughter. I am so glad you are still here sharing your story. It was so painful, so touching, and such an important reminder to me of how very precious a pregnancy in and of itself really is. A good friend of mine recently lost her pregnancy and I take nothing for granted. This memory of your daughter under the stars is just the most amazing and special way I could imagine honoring a child and I hope you and she will one day find each other again. Thank you for reminding us all of what is important. Really.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> Cyclamen, I went and found your post about your daughter. I am so glad you are still here sharing your story. It was so painful, so touching, and such an important reminder to me of how very precious a pregnancy in and of itself really is. A good friend of mine recently lost her pregnancy and I take nothing for granted. This memory of your daughter under the stars is just the most amazing and special way I could imagine honoring a child and *I hope you and she will one day find each other again*. Thank you for reminding us all of what is important. Really.


I hope this very much too. I really believe that I will; I believe that she and I remain connected. Thank you so much for your kind words here and in other threads. It's amazing how words can help, but they do. I've been thinking about my daughter a lot over the last few days, as I'm coming up on the 100 day anniversary of her birth. It's been so important to me to share her story - talking about her helps me. I also appreciate that you've been vocal about your own birth and mothering experiences. I think it's so important for women to talk about the things that have happened to us. It's part of our wisdom, to know about all the different ways that life can be for each of us.


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## sethsfairy (Nov 4, 2011)

That not being able to walk and talk through contractions isn't the best way to gauge the beginning of "real labor". For some of us, we don't reach that point 'til the end. I got to the delivery room no more than 5 minutes before my 2nd child was born, and had been at the mall right before that... at least I got to experience a completely natural birth after all. ^_^

Also, we need more preparation for tearing, even after the first child. With such a fast birth, (2 pushes) it was pretty much inevitable. Tho at least it was only 1st-2nd degree, it's still not something I expected this time.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Aint that the truth sethsfairy.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> I'm not in the tiny minority in the general public, just here, which makes sense. I realize I'm in the minority of moms here who did not and would not enjoy another vaginal birth. It probably has to do partly with me not being afraid to share an unpopular opinion and also being one of the people who came here before I had any birth experience. There are times when I feel like I don't belong here, for sure.


I think a lot of us have areas where we sometimes feel we don't belong. When people talk about vaccines is where I feel that. Hugs to you!


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## Asiago (Jul 1, 2009)

That I could have opted out.....AMA against medical advice....of those heal pricks to check for hypoglycemia.
My son was 8 lbs and 14 oz and full term, nursed from birth and yet subject to the heel pricks, three of them. By the fourth i finally declined. The nurse said, that all the others had been normal, so she would not do another. He didn't even fit the criteria to begin with! He left the hospital almost at birtth weight a day and half later. We could have left a day earlier actually but my husband asked that we stay another day.......I digress.
Overall though the hospital staff was wonderful and followed my birth plan exactly (next time would include glucose testing wishes) and I really do appreciate the fact that the birth and staff were wonderful, and I birthed my son I way I had hoped to.
I just regret not opting out of the repeated blood glucose testing......FWIW I did accept the metabolic screen and no qualms with that testing.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Asiago*
> 
> That I could have opted out.....AMA against medical advice....of those heal pricks to check for hypoglycemia.
> My son was 8 lbs and 14 oz and full term, nursed from birth and yet subject to the heel pricks, three of them. By the fourth i finally declined. The nurse said, that all the others had been normal, so she would not do another. He didn't even fit the criteria to begin with! He left the hospital almost at birtth weight a day and half later. We could have left a day earlier actually but my husband asked that we stay another day.......I digress.
> ...


Glad you brought this hypo test up, because I don't even remember it from my DS being in hospital. I will ask about it. Thanks!


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## mamapigeon (Dec 16, 2010)

I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB.

I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.


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## evmadi (Sep 2, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamapigeon*
> 
> I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB.
> I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.


I Have had 2 friends with late babies that died... coincidence, maybe, scary none the less. I had my membranes stripped at 39 weeks.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> Glad you brought this hypo test up, because I don't even remember it from my DS being in hospital. I will ask about it. Thanks!


They usually only test your baby if he is big or you have GD. I'm VERY glad they checked my DDs. Her blood sugar was 17! I had GD and she was LGA. Anyway, she didn't even flinch during the heel stick honestly.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Poop. Sincerely, I wish I had known I might poop while pushing a baby out. I was such an uptight young woman. I probably extended delivery 20 minutes because i was desperately trying not bear down that way. When I gave up and finally pushed how I neede to,, the baby was born within 10 minutes. But there was a whole lot of poop along the way.

The nurses thought they were doing me a favor by not complying with my doc's orders to give me an enema. I would have thought so, too! Enemas are a hold over from the old days! Well there's a reason women had enemas. oh well.

I couldn't speak about it for a few years after, and frankly it made me miserable.










Edited for spelling.


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## Grover (Dec 16, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mamapigeon*
> 
> I really wish I had researched more about induction before agreeing to mine with DS. I had absolutely no idea how many "fail" and result in cesarean section (as mine did). Before researching induction, I also had no idea that it really WAS okay to go well past the EDD. I got the dead/sick/too big baby card from my OB.
> 
> I guess I learned that babies really should come when they choose.


Definitely this. Membrane sweeping lead to a C-section....all based on mother-age-related 'threats' (dying placenta, too big baby...etc).

In retrospect, probably hugely unnecessary - so what if she was going to be overdue by a few days.

Regret allowing myself to be bullied into the sweep - but then again, you seem to have zero choice, when faced with the enormity of the 'what if's' they present you with. No one wants to be responsible for even the tiniest amount of harm/distress to their unborn child.

Also - that my midwife, who had been on my pregnancy journey for months, was allowed to take a sleeping break just before I went for my section, and thus she missed the rest of events. Sleep?? What?? I didn't understand it - and resented being handed over to hospital staff. I never spoke to her about it afterwards - I should have.

Also - after a c-section, not being told/taught about proper massage techniques. 3 years later I seem to have mild adhesions, which give me pain pre-menstrually, and after a spicy meal (ahem). It's not super uncomfortable, but it could have been avoided maybe if I'd had a strict routine of appropriate massage (or something)?

Parenthood. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though, 3 years in, and with chronic insomnia...I'm perhaps a worse case than others (if my thread is anything to go by, I'm nearly the only one on the whole board with this problem!) Psychologically, and emotionally - becoming and being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I don't know how I'm managing (sometimes, I think, I'm just not). I had vague thoughts about a second child, but these have been kyboshed, by being too exhausted and frankly, too old.


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## pokeyac (Apr 1, 2011)

I wish I had known more about how difficult the postpartum period would be. Breastfeeding was really hard to get started; I couldn't sit normally for a couple weeks; going to the bathroom was a small ordeal; and I felt like crying every day thinking I was doing a terrible job. It was rough. Although I suppose if someone had told me, I might not have paid much attention. I was more focused on preparing for the birth that I thought everything afterwards would be difficult but ok.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Grover*
> 
> Parenthood. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though, 3 years in, and with chronic insomnia...I'm perhaps a worse case than others (if my thread is anything to go by, *I'm nearly the only one on the whole board with this problem!*) Psychologically, and emotionally - becoming and being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I don't know how I'm managing (sometimes, I think, I'm just not). I had vague thoughts about a second child, but these have been kyboshed, by being too exhausted and frankly, too old.


No, no, no, you are not the only one. I guarantee it.







I don't know how reassuring that is to you, to know you're not the only one. Specifically the anxiety, for a lot of us. The insomnia and anxiety make a nice little feedback loop, each feeding the other.

How old are you, may I ask? Exhaustion and sleep deprivation aren't exactly the same, but both can be crazy-making and disheartening. They just take wind right out of your sails. Sleep deprivation was my particular problem and I think it probably took years off my life.

Are you getting medical attention for your insomnia?


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## Grover (Dec 16, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> No, no, no, you are not the only one. I guarantee it.
> 
> ...


Hiya,

Thanks for your kind thoughts. For sure the anxiety is feeding into the sleep problem. I don't want to hijack this thread though (which is very interesting!) - my insomnia thread is here, and you can see what I have and haven't done about it (mostly haven't, to my shame). http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1380656/chronic-post-partum-insomnia

I'll be turning 43 at the end of the year. Was 39 going 40 when I had my daughter.

G

x


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

There are things about labor and delivery and birth and new motherhood that just can't be explained, that only can be experienced to understand. Sometimes I want to tell my dd about all the negative things I didn't anticipate, just to spare her the surprise. But 1. I don't want to be like my MIL, who delights in telling every one of her pregnant daughters and DIL about all the little miserable experiences she had with each child, and 2. I don't want to alarm dd about things that she might not even experience.

I dunno. Speaking about the transition to motherhood, not just labor and delivery and postpartum experiences- I kind of wish there was more common knowledge that becoming a mother can REALLY EFFING SUCK. At least it did for me.

But, 3. I don't want my daughter to conclude that I hated becoming her mother, specifically. It was nothing personal, I just hated becoming a mother, period.


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## rainbownurse (Dec 19, 2012)

That you will shake/shiver during contractions and it is okay.

That you pushing during a contraction makes the contraction stop hurting as much!

That your labour/birth can go completely opposite of what you "planned" and still be absolutely perfect, but you have to keep an open mind and be willing to accept change.

Labour can and is just as hard on the husband as it is on you. I've never seen my husband so strong, so amazing.


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## aghiofog (Apr 7, 2008)

I wish that someone had told me these things before my first pregnancy so I didn't have to learn them on my own:

-there's no research that indicates sound reason to induce labor unless there is risk for the mom or baby in the pregnancy going further or to term (or a couple of weeks past even)

-ultrasounds done late in pregnancy can show a huge difference in baby's size from what it actually is (often resulting in panic from the doctor at the thought of a woman delivering an 8-9 pound baby their first time out)

-episiotomies are only necessary for the doctor to make his/her job easier

-your husband will possibly irritate the ****out of you during labor, no matter how great he is and no matter how much you love him

-home is where birth should happen except in cases where there is high (and actual, not perceived) risk to mom or baby

-doctors don't know everything and neither do midwives, but midwives are more likely to admit that

-the "on your back, legs in the air" position is the worst to be in, is most likely to cause injury to you or your baby and is most likely to result in dangerous interventions

-women are built to tolerate the pain (when it occurs) of labor and as long as one isn't afraid of the work their body is doing and keeps changing positions or doing things to make it more bearable, labor and birth are experiences that even the wimpiest of females can handle.


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Grover*
> Parenthood. Exhaustion. Anxiety. Nothing prepared me for any of this. Though, 3 years in, and with chronic insomnia...I'm perhaps a worse case than others (if my thread is anything to go by, *I'm nearly the only one on the whole board with this problem!*) Psychologically, and emotionally - becoming and being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done...and I don't know how I'm managing (sometimes, I think, I'm just not). I had vague thoughts about a second child, but these have been kyboshed, by being too exhausted and frankly, too old.


You are not the only one!

Parenthood has totally kicked my ass. I am so glad to have my DD, but there's no way I'd go through it again.

And I hope your insomnia gets resolved soon. It took me about 4 years to get back on track with sleep, and boy has that made a difference!


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

I was not afraid of birth, I felt I knew my body very well, and I had an excellent doula and lots of support for changing positions and doing natural pain management. In spite of that, I ended up with a c-section.

I wish that someone had told me that strong, smart, well prepared, amazing women who want natural births can end up with c-sections. Shit happens.

[Actually, I think people did tell me this, but I just sort of tuned it out. I wanted to believe that if I did everything "right" I could avoid a c-section.]


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## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CI Mama*
> 
> [Actually, I think people did tell me this, but I just sort of tuned it out. I wanted to believe that if I did everything "right" I could avoid a c-section.]


Amen. I could say the same about breastfeeding. I did everything "right" there too, and I still ended up being an EP'er who could only make enough milk to get through half the day at most.

Sh*t happens, indeed!


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *GISDiva*
> 
> Amen. I could say the same about breastfeeding. I did everything "right" there too, and I still ended up being an EP'er who could only make enough milk to get through half the day at most.
> 
> Sh*t happens, indeed!


I have known SO many women who have a low supply, despite extra pumping, round the clock nursing, and herbal/medicinal supplements. It really does happen! I wish the breastfeeding community would just admit that some women don't produce enough milk and that's it's OK to supplement!


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## jsilly (Aug 1, 2013)

I wish someone would have told me that I could bleed through the whole labor. That was so annoying and I felt gross! And I should have went with a midwife because I do not want to ever labor hooked up to an IV again!

My sister wish she had known that if you have a baby girl she can absorb your hormones and get her own mini-period. My sister and BIL were freaking out in the middle of the night and they wouldn't tell them over the phone for liability reasons so until they went to see the doctor the next day they were worried sick. I'm sure I'll think of some more.


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## jsilly (Aug 1, 2013)

Oh yeah the four months I sat in the living room chair sleeping upright with my son attached to my boob for the entire night until morning. My husband kissing me goodnight and going upstairs to sleep in a horizontal position was torture. Ha! That little baby would eat and eat and eat. He is now 4 and refuses to eat.
Also, the bleeding after giving birth. I didn't know about that. One thing that helped? Wearing Depends! So much better than a maxi pad! And the pain from the episiotomy. I wanted Vicodin for that! They looked at me like I was a druggie and said its usually only for c-section moms. I couldn't sit or lay down without being in so much pain. No more episiotomies for me .


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *jsilly*
> 
> My sister wish she had known that if you have a baby girl she can absorb your hormones and get her own mini-period. My sister and BIL were freaking out in the middle of the night and they wouldn't tell them over the phone for liability reasons so until they went to see the doctor the next day they were worried sick. I'm sure I'll think of some more.


That's right! That happened with my daughter! I forgot all about that. I don't remember her bleeding but her breasts were swollen a bit and she produced milk. Only a drop, though. No flow. This was on day 3 or something. Nuts, huh?


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## Angelorum (Aug 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *journeymom*
> 
> There are things about labor and delivery and birth and new motherhood that just can't be explained, that only can be experienced to understand. Sometimes I want to tell my dd about all the negative things I didn't anticipate, just to spare her the surprise. But 1. I don't want to be like my MIL, who delights in telling every one of her pregnant daughters and DIL about all the little miserable experiences she had with each child, and 2. I don't want to alarm dd about things that she might not even experience.
> 
> ...


There's probably a balance you can strike there. I get a little weary of hearing how great my MIL's pregnancies/births/babies were when I am in a rough spot. She's great, and I'm glad she's so positive, but hearing how much easier the second baby is (or was for her) when you spent the day screaming at your 3 yo because he is intentionally hurting the baby for attention is just not so helpful.


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## silversparrow (Oct 21, 2011)

I wish I had known that getting stitches isn't so bad. My midwife gave me the option for my 1st degree tear and i thought it would be better to avoid it. However, it's not the same down there and it took a long time to heal and much longer to be able to "use" it comfortably. I don't know for sure, but I think I prob should have been stitched and it might have healed better.


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## lovebeingamomma (Mar 16, 2007)

I wish someone had told me about D-MER! I hate breastfeeding even though I love the bonding, it just makes me feel so crappy! Oh- and afterpains. Oh those gosh darn afterpains, I wish someone had told me that it gets worse each time and that there are things you can do/take, instead I was up in the middle of the night crying my eyes out in worse pain than labor! Other than that...I love birth & I love being a mother


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## typebug (Jun 28, 2012)

As a first time mom I felt like I was really disconnected from my unborn baby all the time. I really didn't have the capacity to fathom what was really in there. I felt guilty about not feeling that connection my yoga instructors would go on and on about. Maybe it'll be there next time around after having been through the whole experience. It would have been cool if someone had said "if you don't feel all magical and blissed out, that's normal."


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## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *typebug*
> 
> As a first time mom I felt like I was really disconnected from my unborn baby all the time. I really didn't have the capacity to fathom what was really in there. I felt guilty about not feeling that connection my yoga instructors would go on and on about. Maybe it'll be there next time around after having been through the whole experience. It would have been cool if someone had said "if you don't feel all magical and blissed out, that's normal."


For me this is absolutely the case. With my first I really didn't feel that close, intense bond until she was months old and her personality started to show a bit. It didn't help that she had reflux during the first few weeks and spent every single night from 2-4AM screaming. I felt really disconnected from her during the newborn stage, even though breastfeeding went really well for us and I didn't have any PPD. But i can absolutely relate to feeling like it was all kind of surreal, like I didn't really process that a Baby--à little PERSON--was growing inside me. I mean, she moved all the time when she was inside me and I felt her kicks a ton, so I *logically* knew what was going on, I just didn't *emotionally* know, or connect those movements to the reality of OMG BABY!

Now with the second it's been completely different. I have felt really connected and attached from very early on, an it actually makes me feel a bit guilty about my early relationship with my older girl.


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## Imakcerka (Jul 26, 2011)

That you can plan plan plan and BAM! Nothing goes as planned.


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## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *typebug*
> 
> As a first time mom I felt like I was really disconnected from my unborn baby all the time. I really didn't have the capacity to fathom what was really in there. I felt guilty about not feeling that connection my yoga instructors would go on and on about. Maybe it'll be there next time around after having been through the whole experience. It would have been cool if someone had said "if you don't feel all magical and blissed out, that's normal."


I had very little bond with my first pregnancy and have found it to not be much different with my 2nd pregnancy, either. Despite that, from the minute my son was born I was transformed in a way I can't describe, and I expect the same with my next baby. Don't feel guilty if this is how you feel, or even if you take a while to bond with baby after it's born. Everyone processes emotions differently and today I can tell you that nothing has ever given me more joy and intense emotion than just seeing my son's smile.


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## anj_rn (Oct 1, 2009)

I wish I had known how much pregnancy hormones affect your brain. I found at the end of my pregnancy I was much easier to convince to do things I did not want to do. I wish I had had someone there to remind me that I had more control. I also wish that someone had told me Zofran causes constipation.


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## helenh (Oct 30, 2012)

As a first time mom at the age of 39 I felt that I had experienced enough of life and had so many friends with babies that I'd be okay. Here are the things that really threw me for a loop:

Spend less time preparing for the birth and more time preparing for the post-partum. The birth lasts for 24-48 hours. Post partum lasts for weeks!

Breastfeeding is hard and impossible to prepare for. If you have trouble, get help from an IBCLC immediately.

Nursing your child may not be the 'beautiful bonding experience' you'd hoped for.

You will go from being a confident woman to an emotional mess of self-doubt.....constantly wondering if you're 'doing it right'.

Your first post partum poop seems so terrifying but it's really not that bad.

Kegels do not necessarily prevent tearing. My DD had a nuchal hand....no amount of kegels could prevent her little elbow from tearing my girl parts.

When people tell you "it gets better" they are right.....

Talk to other moms and try to get out of the house a couple of weeks after the baby is born.

Prepare for the unexpected....nothing will go as planned. I had visions of taking DD for walks but found that the hated her stroller and just about any baby carrier I tried. 8 weeks of age she started to come around.

Have faith in yourself!


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## LilyKay (Jun 28, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *typebug*
> 
> As a first time mom I felt like I was really disconnected from my unborn baby all the time. I really didn't have the capacity to fathom what was really in there. I felt guilty about not feeling that connection my yoga instructors would go on and on about. Maybe it'll be there next time around after having been through the whole experience. It would have been cool if someone had said "if you don't feel all magical and blissed out, that's normal."


I really wish someone would gather all the normal reactions women have to their babies after and document them for all moms-to-be. I have two friends who felt like this and now I make a point of telling first time pregnant moms that it could happen and it is absolutely normal.

I had a different weird reaction. It took me a while to see my daughter as a separate human. For the first few weeks I felt weird referring to her by her name and kept calling her "baby girl" until my best-friend asked me "why are you not using her name".

Something else I wish someone told me about is all the horrible vivid imagery I started having of bad things happening to my baby. I was freaking out a bit if this normal but some moms online said they had the same things. Probably nature's way of keeping our babies safe?


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Lily Kay the disturbing imagery sounds like it could be post partum anxiety or post partum OCD (I think technically it's a form of anxiety). It is more common than people think, and can be treated whether by medication or counseling. If it is still ongoing or it happens again and you find it distressing, know that you don't have to just live with it. People talk alot about PPD, less about PPA or PPOCD.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Also. I totally refer to my babies as "Baby!" With exclamation point. I think at first it is so new and they have just become separate.


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## JamieCatheryn (Dec 31, 2005)

Just seeing those things happening to baby as possibilities to prevent is a mom instinct watch out for trouble thing. It keeps on when they're older too so you know what dangerous play to warn them about and how to protect them from predators and such. Obsessing over them or feeling like you could cause something is postpartum mental illness stuff. Big difference and I hate to see one lumped in with the other.


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LilyKay*
> 
> I really wish someone would gather all the normal reactions women have to their babies after and document them for all moms-to-be. I have two friends who felt like this and now I make a point of telling first time pregnant moms that it could happen and it is absolutely normal.
> 
> ...


 I had a similar thing. For the first couple of weeks, every time I held my daughter, I felt like I was holding myself. Like, she was a baby version of myself. Even though I understood that it made no sense logically, I couldn't shake the feeling until she was a few weeks old.


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## Angelorum (Aug 5, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LilyKay*
> 
> I really wish someone would gather all the normal reactions women have to their babies after and document them for all moms-to-be. I have two friends who felt like this and now I make a point of telling first time pregnant moms that it could happen and it is absolutely normal.
> 
> ...


It took me a while to start calling my babies by their names too. We've never known the sex before birth, and have never been really sure of a name before birth either, so I spend the entire pregnancy just calling them baby, and the transition to a name just feels weird for a while.

I also had some weird anxiety images, especially after baby #2, only it was about any member of my family. Some of the accidents my brain came up with were truly preposterous too. My dh would be a little later coming home than expected and I would be thinking about horrible car accidents and how I was going to raise 2 kids by myself etc etc. I didn't really realize how much it happened, until it tapered off after 4-5 months and I realized it was probably connected to the postpartum hormones.


----------



## GISDiva (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Angelorum*
> 
> I also had some weird anxiety images, especially after baby #2, only it was about any member of my family. Some of the accidents my brain came up with were truly preposterous too. My dh would be a little later coming home than expected and I would be thinking about horrible car accidents and how I was going to raise 2 kids by myself etc etc. I didn't really realize how much it happened, until it tapered off after 4-5 months and I realized it was probably connected to the postpartum hormones.


I had completely forgotten about this, but yes!


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *JamieCatheryn*
> 
> Just seeing those things happening to baby as possibilities to prevent is a mom instinct watch out for trouble thing. It keeps on when they're older too so you know what dangerous play to warn them about and how to protect them from predators and such. Obsessing over them or feeling like you could cause something is postpartum mental illness stuff. Big difference and I hate to see one lumped in with the other.


It depends on if it is distressing or intrusive or not. If it is not distressing or intrusive it is not a problem to have such thoughts. If it is distressing or intrusive, then it could be a problem. It's not shameful to have a mental health issue - the issue is whether or not what your brain does impairs your ability to enjoy your life, be safe, etc - and it's good to know that you treatments are available for thoughts that are distressing or intrusive.


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> It depends on if it is distressing or intrusive or not. If it is not distressing or intrusive it is not a problem to have such thoughts. If it is distressing or intrusive, then it could be a problem. It's not shameful to have a mental health issue - the issue is whether or not what your brain does impairs your ability to enjoy your life, be safe, etc - and it's good to know that you treatments are available for thoughts that are distressing or intrusive.


I also had images of my baby being hurt and it was EXTREMELY distressing, but I was able to quickly change my focus. I'm not able to even contemplate serious harm coming to my son without getting a very sick, panicy feeling, But yeah, if I was unable to control it or had recurring thoughts, I would lump it in with my mental health issues that I have. My son is already two and I still avoid any news articles involving harm coming to children. I mistakenly read a few things that had me in hysterics. But I think what I go through is on the fringe end of "normal".

That said, I still consider myself a lil' bit of a nutball


----------



## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

That lying flat on my back (with or without my legs in stirrups) and pushing as hard as I could while counting to ten is NOT the natural way to give birth!!!


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> I also had images of my baby being hurt and it was EXTREMELY distressing, but I was able to quickly change my focus. I'm not able to even contemplate serious harm coming to my son without getting a very sick, panicy feeling, But yeah, if I was unable to control it or had recurring thoughts, I would lump it in with my mental health issues that I have. My son is already two and I still avoid any news articles involving harm coming to children. I mistakenly read a few things that had me in hysterics. But I think what I go through is on the fringe end of "normal".
> 
> That said, I still consider myself a lil' bit of a nutball


I have to avoid certain kinds of news articles too, or it ruins my day!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I had those intrusive, obsessive thoughts after both kids were born, but it was worst after the first was born. I was already in the midst of it when the Oklahoma City building was bombed, and I made the mistake of watching, reading, listening to the news. Oy. The whole anxiety thing went into over-drive. It was horrible.

It helped when I stopped watching the tv news altogether, switched the station when stories involving children came on the radio, and carefully avoided the crime and mayhem stories in the paper. I like my news, but I really wasn't doing myself any favors by allowing that stuff into my head. I did finally get medical help, and I wish I'd done so earlier.

The kids are 18 and 14 y.o. and I still have to be careful.

The baby/parenting books I was reading all mentioned baby blues and ppd. But I don't remember any of them mentioning horrible, vivid scenarios taking over your mind. So, yeah, I wish I'd known that was a possibility, and if it happened to me I shouldn't waist time thinking it will go away on its own, just go see a doctor.


----------



## janet mahaffey (May 28, 2012)

I wish someone told me it was okay if my bag of waters broke before contractions began and what was normal about it and the signs of infection. This would have given me more choices about when I *had* to go to my birth place.

I wish someone told me how to prepare for the car ride, while in labor, to my birth place.

I wish someone told me more about babies being okay if they sleep for hours and hours after birth without nursing.

I wish someone taught me how to hand express.


----------



## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Janet Mahaffey*
> 
> I wish someone told me more about babies being okay if they sleep for hours and hours after birth without nursing.


Hmmm. Last I heard you aren't supposed to do that. Regardless, I'm pretty sure my kids slept long and hard after birth and no way on earth I was going to wake them up just to shove a boob in the mouth.

My, I've been chatty. Thanks for this thread!


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## Sage14 (Jul 8, 2013)

I didn't expect it to be so painless, I gave birth in a hospital (just as a precaution) I had an 8 hour labor with my Son, and had no pain meds.. I had always been told it was the worst pain in your life, which was not true for me, my appendicitis was much worse. I expected to be totally wiped out afterwords, and i just had more energy, it just kept growing. I was worried about depression aftrewords,because I had always battled with it, but I was, and am still (1 year later ) the happiest i have ever been. Right after words my belly looked right as it had before i was pregnant, No strech marks, just a little extra flab which because i breast feed went away shortly.


----------



## Angelorum (Aug 5, 2006)

One other thing that went along with the post partum anxiety for me was that I would frequently sit bolt upright from a deep sleep convinced that my baby was no longer breathing. It happened about once a night for a month or two, it was the worst when he was about 2 months old. We co-slept so reassuring myself was quick, and I could settle back down rather quickly while I nursed my newly roused baby, but it probably took a toll on my night's rest.


----------



## Serafina33 (Jan 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *scottishmommy*
> I wish the breastfeeding community would just admit that some women don't produce enough milk and that's it's OK to supplement!


The problem with this wish is that formula companies and all their money were so successful for decades in reducing women's (and more importantly, society's support for women's) confidence in the fact that *most women* can indeed provide enough milk for their child with enough knowledge and support. Not 100%, but certainly the vast majority. All sorts of practices became mainstream in the twentieth century that sabotage the likelihood that breastfeeding will be successful, and the formula companies got rich from mother's who believed that they "didn't produce enough milk" and "had to supplement", when really it was "modern" practices/elements in the environment which failed the mother and baby pair, and led to premature weaning.

Nowadays, amongst the mothers I've talked to about breastfeeding, since becoming a mother myself more than a decade ago, I'd say a crazy high percentage of them talk about 'not having had enough milk' and needing to supplement and wean early as if it's a totally everyday thing, like diaper rash. In my experience, it's about half of the moms I've ever talked to. That's so sad, because that means that *most of those* were simply failed by society who did not provide enough support and assistance in order to make a success of breastfeeding.

Based on my anecdotal perceptions, the breastfeeding community still has *a lot of work to do* to undo the effects of a crazy successful cultural shift towards formula via an overt campaign and subtler practices introduced in the 20th century that were consciously waged to undermine breastfeeding by the big formula companies.

Even ardent lactivists (such as myself) admit that not quite 100% of mothers will be able to produce enough milk (and of course will need to supplement). But, as important as it is not to hurt the feelings of the small percentage of moms who really will need to supplement (and I don't see why their feelings need to be hurt, no one in the breastfeeding community says that 100% of woman will be able to EBF for 6 months and that there should be any shame in those few seeking out supplementation) , it's *most important* not to perpetuate misinformation about how likely that is to happen to any given woman, by implying in any way shape or form that it is at all a common occurance, or anything other than the exception to the norm. That will result in less babies enjoying the benefits of breastfeeding. That's more important than the tiny percentage of moms who can't EBF feeling marginalized.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Serafina33*
> 
> The problem with this wish is that formula companies and all their money were so successful for decades in reducing women's (and more importantly, society's support for women's) confidence in the fact that *most women* can indeed provide enough milk for their child with enough knowledge and support. Not 100%, but certainly the vast majority. All sorts of practices became mainstream in the twentieth century that sabotage the likelihood that breastfeeding will be successful, and the formula companies got rich from mother's who believed that they "didn't produce enough milk" and "had to supplement", when really it was "modern" practices/elements in the environment which failed the mother and baby pair, and led to premature weaning.
> 
> ...


Wow...... this thread has been very sensitive to the varieties of women's experiences so far, everyone has been speaking from the heart and no one has told anyone that their feelings don't matter... until now. Sorry, that statement just doesn't strike me as very mom friendly. But then, I don't think EBF is the most important parenting decision a person can make.


----------



## Serafina33 (Jan 24, 2013)

I didn't say that anyone's feelings didn't matter, I just said that more babies getting breastmilk (as a result of better support around the moms that need it) is *even more* important.

I said there should be no shame or judgment to the small percentage of mothers who really can't breastfeed. There should be no shame or judgment to the mothers who don't get enough support from the society around her in order to be successful and don't successfully breastfeed for that reason. There should be no shame or judgment on mothers, period.

It's society's job to undo the damage so thoroughly done over decades by big corp making tons of money off of pushing formula, and a shift in attitudes from 'yeah, tons of moms can't make enough milk,' to 'actually, with enough support, most (but not quite all) women will be able to EBF the first six months'. We owe it to girls coming into maturity, to provide this accurate message to them, and fight the misinformation that it's common for women not to make enough milk. It's a really, really dominant theme that I hear again and again both in the US and in Europe, and it makes me so sad that we are failing women as a society by not providing enough knowledge and lactation support, and perpetuating ideas and practices that sabotage the breastfeeding relationship.


----------



## mama24-7 (Aug 11, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Serafina33*
> 
> The problem with this wish is that formula companies and all their money were so successful for decades in reducing women's (and more importantly, society's support for women's) confidence in the fact that *most women* can indeed provide enough milk for their child with enough knowledge and support. Not 100%, but certainly the vast majority. All sorts of practices became mainstream in the twentieth century that sabotage the likelihood that breastfeeding will be successful, and the formula companies got rich from mother's who believed that they "didn't produce enough milk" and "had to supplement", when really it was "modern" practices/elements in the environment which failed the mother and baby pair, and led to premature weaning.
> 
> ...


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> Wow...... this thread has been very sensitive to the varieties of women's experiences so far, everyone has been speaking from the heart and no one has told anyone that their feelings don't matter... until now. Sorry, that statement just doesn't strike me as very mom friendly. But then, I don't think EBF is the most important parenting decision a person can make.


It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally. *Serafina33 *did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter. She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. the small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does. (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared. Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff.)

Sus


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

I'm all for accurate information about breastfeeding so that women can make informed choices, but I disagree with your basic premise that barring physiological barriers, EBF is always the right choice for families We'll have to agree to disagree here because I suspect I won't change your mind and you won't change mine.


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Serafina33*
> 
> It's society's job to undo the damage so thoroughly done over decades by big corp making tons of money off of pushing formula, and a shift in attitudes from 'yeah, tons of moms can't make enough milk,' to 'actually, with enough support, most (but not quite all) women will be able to EBF the first six months'. We owe it to girls coming into maturity, to provide this accurate message to them, and fight the misinformation that it's common for women not to make enough milk. It's a really, really dominant theme that I hear again and again both in the US and in Europe, and it makes me so sad that we are failing women as a society by not providing enough knowledge and lactation support, and perpetuating ideas and practices that sabotage the breastfeeding relationship.


I didn't have this experience you describe above at all. In fact, I was often bombarded with people pushing BF on me. I simply threw out free the cans of Enfamil and Similac I kept getting and make it a point to never buy their products because they DO discourage breastfeeding. I don't think society in general needs to be targeting ME or moms; it's high time we targeted these companies instead.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally. *Serafina33 *did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter. She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. t*he small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does.* (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared. *Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff*.)
> 
> Sus


Did you not read what I big bolded? She did say that. She said

Quote:


> *That's more important than the tiny percentage of moms who can't EBF feeling marginalized.*


I'm not sure how that sentence can be interpreted other than some people's feelings don't matter. I don't take it personally, because it has nothing to do with me. It's not a nice thing to say though. How is that in dispute?

Anyhow, what's to argue about here? I can kind of see where Seraphina is coming from, even if I don't agree with her. But you have clearly stated you don't value the feelings of women who aren't parenting the way that you think is best, and you don't have to care. I am not going to tell you that you have to care. Keep preaching it sister. But I am gonna sit here and think, "Wow, that's rude and kind of insensitive."


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mama24-7*
> 
> It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally. *Serafina33 *did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter. She said the bigger picture is what needs to be focused on vs. the small minority who are going to choose their feelings no matter what anyone else does. (When I say small minority, I'm also including those woman who scream at the top of their lungs that everyone around them is trying to make them feel guilty when all that's really happening is information is being shared. Taking things personally is an epidemic in our society & people seem to scream the loudest about parenting/breastfeeding/etc. stuff.)
> 
> Sus


Serafina pretty much did say that she thinks her cause is more important than the feelings of a minority. The minority she was referring to is the minority who can't EBF.

This topic of women taking something personally is kind of beside the point. I take everything personally. A general lecture about breastfeeding without taking in to account the individual is clearly not helping the women who CAN BF to get the individualized attention they need to do so successfully; it's just lazy civic-minded BS for people who want to think they are doing society a favor. And it's been used in politics and the media for centuries for one reason: money.


----------



## Serafina33 (Jan 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


It is in dispute because saying that *A is more important than B* does not imply that *B DOES NOT MATTER*. That is fuzzy logic indeed. and putting words in my mouth, which offends me.

I indeed indicated that it *IS important* not to make women feel bad if they can't breastfeed, when i said, " But, as important as it is not to hurt the feelings of the small percentage ...."

I just also made it clear that I feel that babies having the best shot at getting mother's milk *is even more important*. It's quite a leap to make (and shows a pretty defensive attitude), to say that although I specifically indicated that all women's feelings on the matter are important, specifically the small minority who can't succeed at breastfeeding, I simply said that babies' needs are *even more* important. If someone wants to argue that a grown woman's getting irritated or offended is more important than a newborn baby having the best chance at the best start in life, then go ahead, I'm open to hearing that argument.


----------



## Serafina33 (Jan 24, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> I don't think society in general needs to be targeting ME or moms; it's high time we targeted these companies instead.


I think society does need to target spreading specific breastfeeding-friendly knowledge to new mothers. I'm glad you got that message bombarded, but I know so many moms who didn't get the support they needed. I think more support throughout society for all mothers is the answer. But your idea is interesting. How to target the companies?

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mama24-7*
> 
> It is only insensitive if a woman chooses to take it personally. *Serafina33 *did not say someone's feelings shouldn't or don't matter.


Thank you very much Sus, for reading the actual words I posted, without distorting them in any way, and certainly without assuming that because I'm *more* concerned with the big picture of more babies getting breastfed, that it's a natural leap to make that I could care less about individual's feelings.


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## TeamWalker (Aug 9, 2013)

I could just kiss you for most of that, especially the skin to skin!!

The 2 things I'd like to add are "other peoples' advice is for other people, use what you want but discard what doesn't sit right for you"
"Guilt is what you are meant to feel because it's your job to want to always do better, but you have every right to let yourself know that it's just a superficial feeling and you are doing a great job"


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Serafina33*
> 
> I think society does need to target spreading specific breastfeeding-friendly knowledge to new mothers. I'm glad you got that message bombarded, but I know so many moms who didn't get the support they needed. I think more support throughout society for all mothers is the answer. But your idea is interesting. How to target the companies?


Politicians use the trick of job creation and campaigns for the public interest to fix problems created by their corporate financial supporters to avoid stepping on any toes. Instead of targeting the culprits-these corporations -we are circumventing and making it a general public mission to target the moms. It's a losing game. Moms are fine, babies get fed.

I understand now that you don't think the minority of women who can't EBF are not the scum of the earth and whatnot, but making it a moral issue when it's really a financial one is beside the point IMHO.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Peace ladies, I'm out. I'm not going to argue over what you said because what you said is clear.


----------



## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Serafina33*
> 
> The problem with this wish is that formula companies and all their money were so successful for decades in reducing women's (and more importantly, society's support for women's) confidence in the fact that *most women* _can_ _indeed_ provide enough milk for their child with enough knowledge and support. Not 100%, but certainly the vast majority. All sorts of practices became mainstream in the twentieth century that sabotage the likelihood that breastfeeding will be successful, and the formula companies got rich from mother's who believed that they "didn't produce enough milk" and "had to supplement", when really it was "modern" practices/elements in the environment which failed the mother and baby pair, and led to premature weaning.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I'm not talking about women who give up after a few days. I'm talking about mothers who did everything they could to nurse their babies and their children were losing weight. It happens. But thank you for your post, because your attitude is EXACTLY what I'm talking about


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## effulgent7 (Mar 2, 2011)

I'm a bit late to this, but what surprised me the most was that (with a hospital birth) people are constantly reaching inside you to "check" whatever, and rooting around, and it HURTS! Of course, I was induced twice so that's a little more "hands-on" (haha) but still&#8230;yikes. That's the first thing I tell my pregnant friends- expect lots of feels.


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *effulgent7*
> 
> I'm a bit late to this, but what surprised me the most was that (with a hospital birth) people are constantly reaching inside you to "check" whatever, and rooting around, and it HURTS! Of course, I was induced twice so that's a little more "hands-on" (haha) but still&#8230;yikes. That's the first thing I tell my pregnant friends- expect lots of feels.


I had a midwife in my hospital delivery and was not checked early on more than twice. I arrived at the hospital 6cm and fully effaced. This is something you can sometimes opt out of depending on the care provider. The exception is when you are initially accepted through triage; they have to check you then.


----------



## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

I didn't realize how painful AFTER the birth would be...nurses checking your uterus, being stitched, etc...

I also had heard that newborns did nothing but eat but I didn't take it literally enough. I was used to seeing babies who ate every 2 hours or so and mine was not like that. If she was awake, she was nursing.


----------



## lovebeingamomma (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *demeter888*
> 
> I had a midwife in my hospital delivery and was not checked early on more than twice. I arrived at the hospital 6cm and fully effaced. This is something you can sometimes opt out of depending on the care provider. The exception is when you are initially accepted through triage; they have to check you then.


I was never checked, you can always opt out.


----------



## demeter888 (Jan 18, 2013)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovebeingamomma*
> 
> I was never checked, you can always opt out.


It depends on the hospital; the policy of mine was that you must be checked when admitted.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *ananas*
> 
> *I didn't realize how painful AFTER the birth would be...nurses checking your uterus, being stitched, etc...*
> 
> I also had heard that newborns did nothing but eat but I didn't take it literally enough. I was used to seeing babies who ate every 2 hours or so and mine was not like that. If she was awake, she was nursing.


Oh gosh yes, it was such a rude awakening the first time. I was all, "I just pushed out a baby! Aren't we done yet!!!"


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## cynthiamoon (Nov 29, 2009)

I wish I had known that people's best advice would be the hardest to take. I think it gets repeated because everyone wishes they had done it, but it's hard, and they hope the next person can get it right-- somehow make it easier, but we too struggle the same ways.

For example, refrains like "sleep through early labor," "take care of yourself first," "sleep when the baby sleeps," and so on









We're working on it, but it's easier to say than do...


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## InspiredCT (May 16, 2011)

Serafina, my SIL and I were discussing this just yesterday - I agree, it has become all too common to hear "I wasn't producing enough milk". There is very little education about how the supply/demand relationship of breastfeeding works, and even less information about the difficulties that can arise in the early days and how to handle those.

New mamas-to-be spend hours and hours researching what to expect during labour, but as some previous posts have mentioned, we neglect to research what comes after and the most important - how to breastfeed. In today's life many of us live far away from our families and we don't benefit from the family community where little girls get to see older women breastfeeding. When you have never experienced this and you have no idea what to expect it can be so difficult! If more mamas believed that naturally they should be able to breastfeed maybe they would seek out support which isn't readily given? It's not always easy, and it's sometimes not fun but it does get better!


----------



## janet mahaffey (May 28, 2012)

Well this thought can't go without saying...

I wish we all knew how medications, used in labor and birth, influenced our milk supplies.


----------



## lovebeingamomma (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Janet Mahaffey*
> 
> Well this thought can't go without saying...
> 
> I wish we all knew how medications, used in labor and birth, influenced our milk supplies.


I've never heard of this...are their studies showing this to be true? Which medications? I'm very anti-drug (in general), so I'm not shocked, but would love to see some studies.


----------



## janet mahaffey (May 28, 2012)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovebeingamomma*
> 
> I've never heard of this...are their studies showing this to be true? Which medications? I'm very anti-drug (in general), so I'm not shocked, but would love to see some studies.


This bit of information is not about medication, however, it does have an interesting discussion as to how fluids (IV), during labor, influence a skewed weight loss in the newborn resulting in supplementation. http://www.drjen4kids.com/soap%20box/newbornweight.htm

This is a great read by Dr. Sarah J. Buckley. It is my conclusion, when any type of substance is entering mom's blood vein, the substance dilutes the healthy function of hormones including, but not limited to prolactin. Prolactin makes breast milk. http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/ecstatic-birth-natures-hormonal-blueprint-for-labor#.UggM65LrzAY


----------



## Kaydove (Jul 29, 2010)

How difficult pushing can be. I hear so much in the natural birth world that pushing is a relief. I never felt the urge to push. Also, pee during labor, because you're extremely full bladder can get in the way of pushing. I also didn't have the urge to pee.


----------



## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Kaydove*
> 
> How difficult pushing can be. I hear so much in the natural birth world that pushing is a relief. I never felt the urge to push. Also, pee during labor, because you're extremely full bladder can get in the way of pushing. I also didn't have the urge to pee.


If it makes you feel any better, my first labor was completely like this - never got the urge to push, pushed for hours and hours, and it was hell. I figured all my births would be like this and that I was just really wimpy. Second labor, uncontrollable pushing urge, baby out in half an hour, and I wouldn't say it was exactly a relief but pushing felt better than not pushing. Both my babies were posterior but my first had a nuchal hand, which really contributed to the "it was hell" feeling. Basically... if it feels really hard, it's because it is hard.


----------



## monkeyscience (Feb 5, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LilyKay*
> 
> Quote:
> 
> ...


I felt like a terrible person for not talking, singing, reading, etc., to my unborn baby. Generally all I ever said to him was, "Please quit kicking mama!" But I just never really felt the urge to talk to him.

I also had the hardest time calling my baby by his name, and I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't think it was really about seeing him as a separate person, it just seemed weird that I had the power to assign a name to another human being! We picked his name out long before he was even conceived, but I thought I would "know" when I saw him that it was the right name. And I didn't. I called him lots of things, mostly "Baby Bird" (because that's what he looked like when hungry!) for a good 2-3 months before slowly transitioning to referring to him by name. I think it was kind of like getting used to saying, "my husband" after I got married - it just seemed so strange and bold to make that sort of assertion. Anyway, I do call him by his name (or a shortened form of it) most of the time now. I'm glad I'm not the only one!


----------



## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *monkeyscience*
> 
> I felt like a terrible person for not talking, singing, reading, etc., to my unborn baby. Generally all I ever said to him was, "Please quit kicking mama!" But I just never really felt the urge to talk to him.
> 
> I also had the hardest time calling my baby by his name, and I'm glad I'm not the only one! I don't think it was really about seeing him as a separate person, it just seemed weird that I had the power to assign a name to another human being! We picked his name out long before he was even conceived, but I thought I would "know" when I saw him that it was the right name. And I didn't. I called him lots of things, mostly "Baby Bird" (because that's what he looked like when hungry!) for a good 2-3 months before slowly transitioning to referring to him by name. I think it was kind of like getting used to saying, "my husband" after I got married - it just seemed so strange and bold to make that sort of assertion. Anyway, I do call him by his name (or a shortened form of it) most of the time now. I'm glad I'm not the only one!


I also had a hard time communicating with my baby before she was born...it always felt really forced and awkward when I tried to talk or sing to her, except for a few occasions.

Calling her by name was strange at first also.


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## unuselyriver (Aug 13, 2012)

how much i bleed after my dd was born 12 weeks was away more then i thought you should but the ob said some women can bleed up to 16 weeks after baby is born


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## treeonastring (May 22, 2013)

I know this is about birth, but bfing is directly connected. 1. It is normal that you pump nothing after birth! Colostrum is enough for your baby, there's nothing wrong with you or your breasts, and your baby won't perish. 2. YOU MAKE ENOUGH MILK. 3. If your baby's diaper output isn't up to par, feed your baby more often! 4. Babies need to eat 10+ times a day after birth. You will feel that your child is attached to your breast for weeks. 5. Your baby has early hunger cues, and they are... 6. Formula will not solve your problems, but will only make them worse. Feed your baby more often.


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## rainbownurse (Dec 19, 2012)

not about birth, but: that sometimes babies go on "poop strikes", and it's okay! Some babies don't pee or poo lots of small amounts, they do one or two BIG dumps/pees, every baby is different, get used to your baby's schedule, and someone will always tell you what you're doing is wrong.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

someone has mentioned colace already, right? if you are afraid of postpartum pooping or if you are getting stopped up, TAKE THE COLACE, lol, and drink lots of water, your butt will thank you.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

Sorry if this has already been repeated but some women prefer warm compresses over ice. I didn't find that out until my second birth - so much better for me!


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## monkeyscience (Feb 5, 2008)

Thought of another thing today - you can have back labor even if your baby isn't posterior. I heard a ton about back labor with posterior babies, but didn't worry too much because my baby was well-positioned. Only after he was born (100% back labor!) did my mom tell me that she had back labor with ALL FIVE BABIES. Not all of which were posterior.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cyclamen*
> 
> someone has mentioned colace already, right? if you are afraid of postpartum pooping or if you are getting stopped up, TAKE THE COLACE, lol, and drink lots of water, your butt will thank you.


Colace was my best friend.


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