# Pro-spanking NPR story



## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

I almost threw up listening to this story this afternoon. It is from Youth Radio and the young boy talks about how much his parents love him because they spank and how he deserves it and is grateful for it.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...toryId=4805822

PLEASE write to complain.


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

I believed this too growing up. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts you" was something I grew up hearing from more than just my parents. I remember hearing "spanking is good for you" lectures from lots of adults, teachers, etc, like it's the most normal thing. I'm so glad my kids will think "Spanking? What's that? Why would your parents hurt you? That doesn't make sense?"

That's just so strange for NPR....


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## kitty waltz (Mar 23, 2005)

I heard the story, too. I could hardly believe my ears! I walked in the room where the radio was on and I was shocked to walk in on a young man talking of how he and his friends thought that if their parents didnt beat them they didnt love them. He went on to say that he knew some kids whose parents didnt "whup" them and now they're on the streets. How he and his friends would boast about who's parents were harsher.

yikes.

they've already recieved a letter from me about it- it was the first thing I did when I signed on.

listen here


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## EmmaJean (Sep 26, 2002)

yep







My fil told me about how their pastor talked about that in a sermon--siblings arguing about who got more "whoopin's" and that it should be a thing of pride. Or for parents to do it even if you weren't sure why, just b/c the kid probably did something you didn't know about and deserved it anyway. That part was kind of a joke, but I was just stunned listening. If I were visiting that church, I for sure wouldn't ever go back. It's just such a part of culture for some people, and would be for me too if it weren't for MDC. Honestly!


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## mamachandi (Sep 21, 2002)

I feel the same way as you, but you have to try to understand where he is coming from. It is part of his culture. That doesn't make it right but it just makes it understandable.
It doesn't mean all african american families hit their children (of course not!) it just means that it is pretty typical.
I come from a family where it is very typical to spank your child.*

*not anymore...


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

I guess if you come from somewhere where the options were 1) Parents who did not care at all about what their kids did or their lives at all and thus never used any sort of teaching or discipline or 2) Parents who cared very much about you and wanted what was best in the world for you and misguidedly believed that spanking would be best for you.....

Well then yeah, I could see why a person would be relatively happier with option 2 than option 1.

If someone's world is so narrow that they dont' even know that there are other options out there, you can understand why they would feel this way. But it's still sad!


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## mamaverdi (Apr 5, 2005)

I heard this while in the waiting room of a no-spank-friendly child therapist. This was a weird dichotomy.

The kid sounded like he was maybe 15.

I wa really surprised by his conclusion---but then again it was clear to me that he was a kid---hence had a more narrow view of the world.

mv


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

Interesting speech.

I worked for many years in an inner city school with mostly black children. Among the families I worked with I did have a cultural awakening. At first my perception of how they handled discipline was very judgemental. What I failed to see or realize was how deeply the bonds of their love went-even when spanking or whatever.

Again, I am not one to judge other peoples practices. The families I worked with were full of love-even those that spanked. I once had a boy in my class who was following some of the wild boys. His grandma told me to call her immediately if he acted up after she had an initial chat with him. Of course he did, and she came up belt in hand. The child never did act up again. Furthermore, he was a happier child once he got in hand. So, my question is this...did this grandma love her grandchild any less than we love our children? Not that I could see. She just has different ideas about what makes for good discipline.

I am not writing this to get flamed or start a debate...it is more just something that I feel strongly about. The young man as a slanted view of "white children" acting up in the mall. He is commenting on what he does not know about-just as in my younger years I was judgemental about things I didn't know about.

One thing I did learn while working there-is that is is very hard to raise a black child in a white dominated culture. I really feel that, like anybody, they are just trying to do what is right for their children. Until we have walked a mile in someone's shoes, we shouldn't judge.

Spanking is 'wrong' for me, and my family...but there are many families who feel it is 'right'. Raising children is kind of like eating a Reese's. (There's no wrong way to do it)


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## Lizafava (Nov 28, 2004)

Quote:

One thing I did learn while working there-is that is is very hard to raise a black child in a white dominated culture. I really feel that, like anybody, they are just trying to do what is right for their children. Until we have walked a mile in someone's shoes, we shouldn't judge.


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

I think the saddest part is that the culture he is in finds abuse to be a sign of love. It reminds me of wife beaters who say, "I hit you because I love you." And the women who believe them! I think any culture/subculture that values hitting is just plain sad.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
Of course he did, and she came up belt in hand. The child never did act up again. Furthermore, he was a happier child once he got in hand.

Of course he never acted up again, but out of fear of the belt. He did not make that decision out of some internal moral compass. So when she is not there with a belt, what kind of decisions will he make? I am sure he was happier not to put himself in a situation where he was in trouble all the time. But his motivation was external, so how effective can that be in the long run?

Not to get into a race discussion, but young black men in my city are more likely to go to jail than to finish high school (42% vs. 31% for last year). Obviously the culture of spanking is not working out for some of these guys....


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## writermommy (Jan 29, 2005)

It's not really a black or white issue, but rather a cultural one. Spanking is prevalent in the white southern fundamentalist christian religions too. Living in florida for many years I saw this with so many white friends and co workers. I swear they beat their kids more than any black friends I ever knew. It's preached in their churches.

A good friend of mine converted to southern baptist. She and her husband routinely spanked their daughter. There were times when she was spanked by mom and then again by dad when he got home from work. At the time, dd #1 was a small baby and she would tell me her views on spanking. I tried to tell her my views, but she cut me off. She told me how God wants her to spank her daughter. She told me about the sermons in church about spanking and about parents spanking their children outside the church. She said, "That's how you know you're in a baptist church"

YUCK! No thank you very much. I prefer to teach my children about a loving God. BTW: Her daughter had more anger inside her than I would ever want to see in my children.


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## Nu_Mommy_2003 (Jun 13, 2003)

I agree with pp (writermommy). It is and should not be made into a white or black issue, but address for what it is - a cultural (religionous) issue. There are many black family that do not spank and is totally against spanking (non-baptist I might add).

The myth that blacks as a race spank there child is false. The blacks that spank their children derived from baptist homes. Many blacks embraced the southern baptist beliefs decades ago. Anyone want to say slavery? Alot of Southern baptist actually mis-quote scripture into pro-spanking teachings.








I don't want to get flamed! I just wanted people to know that spanking is not in anyway a black and white issue. Remember the national telecast of a mother beating her daughter in a car in a mall parking lot. Was she arabian or something of that nature? NPR has had several stories promoting spanking that literally makes me sick so I no longer listen.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

I had to stop listening when he talked about his dad getting out the black leather belt... that is what my dad used to spank me with as a child... I shudder to think of any child, even myself as a child, leaned over the bed getting whipped with a leather belt over and over again...


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

OMG - I almost got into a car accident listening to this. I was shocked. I find it irresponsible that they would broadcast this on public radio.


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

I don't think it was the spanking per se, but the idea that the parent cared enough to do something that the parent claimed to find painful himself, in an effort to help the child. The message the child is talking about is, "I love you enough to suffer in order to do what I believe will help you be a better person", and that's a good, powerful message. The other component is the attention the child is given - he sees that his parents care about his actions and will be responsive to his problems.

When the boy sees other kids acting up at the mall, he feels like their parents don't love them enough to suffer the pain that spanking would cause to the parents - he sees them as weak.

Of course, it's all done within the warped context of causing physical pain to the child...

Dar


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

I agree with others about the black/white issue - my family was just poor and white and Southern and ATHEIST! and absolutely believed that you could beat a child into "behaving." I think much is about physical force throughout the generations - the whuppins are just one way to solve a problem - and never stopping to think if this tradition is really one you'd want to pass on. And my brother has been in trouble with the law for continuing to solve problems in this way.

That said, apparently there are some spanking apologists within each culture who explain away spanking using cultural language (i.e. Black boys need more spankings because they need to learn their limits early in a White society; my Southern children will respect authority, by my voice or by my belt, just as I did; God told me to spank (?!); Jewish children need to learn to be tougher than other children; etc etc). There are excellent books by several African-American writers (e.g. Raising Black Children) that contests spanking culturally, as continuing slaveholder abuse and passing a violent physical legacy on.

Then again, just to mess with y'all - this isn't the first time I've heard a story like this on NPR. Last summer I heard one by a very middle-class sounding white lady who went on and on about her three year old's naughty behavior on a very long car trip; and how they eventually pulled over and spanked him; and miracle of miracles, that naughty boy was SO GOOD for the rest of the trip. I wanted to puke. I think I actually started cursing at her in the car, with my daughter in the backseat saying "what's wrong mama?!"
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...toryId=3869119


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
Spanking is 'wrong' for me, and my family...but there are many families who feel it is 'right'. Raising children is kind of like eating a Reese's. (There's no wrong way to do it)









No. Spanking is WRONG. Raising your children to behave because they fear you will HIT them if they don't is WRONG. Furthermore, your post is against the guidelines of this forum:

"Please appreciate that this forum is not a place to uphold or advocate physical punishment of children."

Telling the story of a boy whose grandma sought him out in public with a belt, then beat him with it, in a positive light ("he was a happier child") is certainly upholding spanking, IMO. You may be saying it's wrong for you, but when you say it's right for other people and it can sometimes make kids "happier" (which is a seriously misguided notion, BTW) you are unwittingly supporting the idea of hitting children. It's like saying, "Hitting one's wife is 'wrong' for me, but if it's 'right' for you, who am I to judge?" I presume you would never say something like that, so why would you substitute the word "child" for "wife" and suddenly think it's okay?


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## chicagomom (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
At first my perception of how they handled discipline was very judgemental. What I failed to see or realize was how deeply the bonds of their love went-even when spanking or whatever.
...
Spanking is 'wrong' for me, and my family...but there are many families who feel it is 'right'. Raising children is kind of like eating a Reese's. (There's no wrong way to do it)

Oh yes, there most certainly IS a wrong way to do it. As the pp said, spanking is not an acceptable 'parenting choice' here, any more than sexually abusing your child is an acceptable parenting choice.

Feeling a 'deep bond of love' doesn't mean bupkus. There are plenty of people who feel it is right, good and even necessary to do all kinds of horrble things to their children (including emotional, physical and sexual abuse, even to the point of killing their children), and will strongly protest that they feel the 'deep bond of love' for them. Do you think Andrea Yates felt a deep bond of love for her children? You can feel all sorts of wonderful feelings for your children and still be doing things that are tremendously harmful to them.

Children are dependent on their caregivers for protection as well as love.


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