# How I have been humbled...



## alittlesandy (Jan 20, 2010)

I'm starting this thread in an attempt to put a more positive spin on the anti-crunchy and anti-mainstream threads.

The reason I got upset by the other thread "You might not be mainstream if..." is that the first post said something like, "My son doesn't think that babies come from hospitals." Therefore, if your baby came from a hospital, you are mainstream. This sentiment is expressed again and again in many posts, such as the other one that upset me about baby bottles not being welcome in someone's house. When I express a difference in my experience, I get, "Well, nobody's perfect."

BUT, I overreacted. You see, I WANT my son to know that babies come into the world in a variety of ways from a variety of places. That's my choice. My birth did not feel like a "choice" to me (it was to save my son's life), but how I choose to view it IS a choice.

I think the other reaction thread has gotten too nasty. I'm trying to articulate what I think causes a lot of hard feelings on both sides. I think some of it has to do with pride.

See, before I had my emergency c-section, I KNEW I would have a homebirth. And to be honest with you, I secretly judged women who had c-sections, thinking, they must have done SOMETHING. Now I know better. I have been humbled.

I have been humbled by an emergency c-section.

I have been humbled by the nurse who helped me nurse my son for the first time.

I have been humbled by having to pump and give a bottle to my son at five weeks.

I have been humbled by having to push my son in a stroller when my c-section scar wouldn't heal properly.

I have been humbled by having to buy non-organic products because I can't always afford the organic ones.

I have been humbled by my son, who adores some of his plastic toys so much I couldn't bear to take them away.

I have been humbled by my son, who refuses to talk or potty learn, but strokes my arm when I'm upset.

These things have made my less judgmental, and more compassionate, toward what so many parents, mainstream and crunchy, have to go through.

What have you been humbled by?


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

What a wonderful thread.

I was humbled by DD not latching on for the first few months. I had to pump and give her bottles until DH







taught us how to nurse.

I was humbled by the absolute beauty of DD. What a gift from God.

I was humbled when it took me 10 years to get my Doctorate.

I was humbled when we moved from our home to an apartment. (Love this decision now)

I am constantly humbled and in awe of life.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

I have been humbled by having a 3 year old still pooping and peeing in a pull-up (he was, not anymore, THANK GOD!). My almost 3 year old still is.

I have been humbled by a child that would NOT SLEEP unless he was attached to my boob for the first 8 months of his life.

I have been humbled by the idea that if I dont vax my children, they will have NO allergies.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

At the end of the day, the majority of us do our best as parents. We may not all do the same as everyone else, but we do our best. Instead of judging one another, perhaps we should focus on how we can help those who are TRULY abusive or neglectful. Bottle feeding, hospital birth, etc. isn't it.

IMO.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

I've been humbled by the fact that if you have more than once child, there will be times when one of them has to be let cry while you tend to the other's more urgent needs. And they both survived and are not brain damaged by crying, contrary to what I have read here on MDC on more than one occasion.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I was also first humbled by an unexpected c-section after knowing for sure, I would have a med-free wonderful childbirth. I was then again humbled when my vba2c didn't work out, and I've now had a total of 4 c-sections which is something I never would have imagined when I got pregnant for the first time and started planning in my head how everything from labor to parenting an older child would go. First rule of becoming a parent is that you really can't plan anything.

I was humbled when I had a hard time breastfeeding my first baby, and sat in tears and pain for weeks until we both figured it out. That was with a ton of support from my family and mom who is a midwife, plus visits with a lactation consultant to help us out. We managed someone to have a good nursing relationship, but those first 6 weeks really humbled me b/c I assumed breastfeeding was natural and would be easy-going. Oddly enough, I also had a hard time with latch and nursing when my 4th baby was born, despite the fact that I was still nursing my then 2 yr old, too. It also worked out in the end.

I was humbled when I wasn't able to do child-led weaning as I hoped (I was tandem nursing a 1 and 3yr old), b/c I spent 3 weeks in the hospital and was unable to maintain my supply or nurse again once I recovered.

I was humbled when my first toddler fell in love with Winnie the Pooh even though I swore we would be "character free". Suddenly, my child's wants trumped many ideals I once held. Same for plastic/battery operated toys, Disney movies, Barbies, and the once dreaded 'baby containers' like swings, bouncy chairs, etc.

I was/am humbled knowing that for me, parenting multiple older children is tons harder than parenting babies. It certainly hasn't gotten easier, in a lot of ways, as they have grown - even though they sleep through the night, can use the toilet, take showers, and so on. It's a different kind of hard, and I'll admit now that I still have no clue what I am doing most days.

I'm humbled every time I think "never say never" b/c you are bound to change your thought process over and over again through your parenting journey


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## HannahW (Jan 22, 2011)

I have been humbled by the fact that my hubby was right and I was wrong... On so many things.

By the fact that my dd (14 mo) is so independant that she no longer wants to be wrapped. 

By the fact that the person or the thing you fear dealing with is the one that could help you the most.

By the fact that I thought I would have to trust God to not use bc (We both felt like we should not use it. Personal choice. No judgment), and now I am haveing a tough time with not being pregnant yet... In his time I guess.

By the fact that every time I get cocky, I get humbled a little.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

i've been humbled several times (how many times does it take?) by the fact that "trust your body" doesn't always work and isn't always the case. if i'd trusted my body to pass what turned out to be an ectopic, i'd probably be dead.

my body also didn't have a clue as to what to do to nurse our dd.. if i hadn't had lots of help from the hospital people, i don't know what would have happened.

i am also humbled by the fact that i have a mean baby, even though we're super gentle everything with her.  she has violent hands!


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

I was humbled by how long it took me to get pregnant and by how many medical interventions were needed to make it happen.

I was humbled by labor and by the c-section that eventually took place. For more humbling birth stories, this thread may be of interest:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1217886/humbling-beginnings

I was humbled by how much recovery time my body needed, how long it took to feel well, and how slow the weight loss has been.

I was humbled by a breast infection that took 12 weeks & 4 rounds of antibiotics to heal.

I've been humbled by my DD's sleep patterns, her need to do things in her own way on her own time, and the profound sleep deprivation that has resulted for me (but is finally resolving!).

In fact, it's hard for me to think of something on my parenting journey that hasn't been humbling.

I am also profoundly grateful for my experience. I wanted to become a parent in part because I knew it would change me. Those changes have come in ways that are completely unexpected. I have unlimited opportunity to learn to let go and enjoy the experience that's unfolding, rather than the one I wish I were having.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i have been humbled big time, BIG BIG time by my own self realisation about my relationship with my mother. it took me 40 years of pain to realise my perceptions of my mom were my OWN issues. it had NOTHING to do with how my mom parented. my mom tried. she tried really hard. but we spoke different love languages and could never figure out each others love language.

that one humbling eureka moment has just completely changed my world. it has made me a less stressed, a 'free' mother. a mother who tries her best to understand her dd and be the guide dd wants me to be and to respect her wishes esp. when they go against mine.

all that others - csection, cloth diapers, etc are sooooooo small compared to the real test of parenting. imho. who cares whether you use the stroller or the sling. what matters is did you listen to yourself and your child and make your decision based on that or did you follow a parenting book?!!!!

from the moment of her birth my intense HN's dd humbled me by DEMANDING i be the parent she wants me to be.

as a parent i am who i am not by the research i did, but by the whipping my dd always bestows on me - questioning every single decision.

especially today. especially NOW.

hah!!!! i thought all this while i was parenting. HAH!!!! parenting has JUST begun for me. anything before has just been teh building of a strong foundation. i have finally started building my house.


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## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

My whole parenting journey has been humbling . . .. but I think the most humbling things were:

DS' tongue tie making a real latch almost impossible, necessitating pumping for months (no one here knew how to deal with it and we were never able to nurse







) I had assumed breast feeding would be easy-peasy

DS' dyslexia. He just doesn't like to read.







I have a PhD and am a huge book worm. It's really hard for me to accept.

As part of this, having to realize that, as much as I had mocked Waldorf (i'd been known to call it "woodorf" from time to time







) in the past, a Waldorf school really was the best fit for DS.

Ultimately, what's both humbling and wonderful about this parenting gig is how much I've learned about myself --- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I can honestly say that, as the years have gone by, I'm *much* less judgmental than I used to be. I love my DS with all my heart and he teaches me something new every day. I'm blessed to have him, even if he's not the exact "mini-me" I thought he'd be.


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## lkvosu (Feb 9, 2011)

Ds is only 7 months, so the humility lessons have only just begun...

But, in these few months, I've been humbled more than anything by COLIC. Back before ds was born and I knew everything, I thought colic was really caused by mainstream parenting. How snobby and short-sided I was! I thought "I'll wear my baby, breastfeed on demand, cosleep, etc, and my baby won't ever need to fuss". I almost laugh at how ridiculous that was! Ds flat out refused to be worn. He still won't let me do it for more than a few minutes. He wanted to be held - no sling, no wrap, nothing but in arms! He also refused to eat much of day so the whole "bf'ing on demand" theory was of no use. He got all his calories at night. I also was sure that I wouldn't be one of constantly sleep deprived parents because we would co-sleep and I wouldn't need to get out of bed to comfort a crying baby. HA! How wrong I was! Although we cosleep, he ate all.night.long those first few months. There was no medical reason for the crying (that we could find anyway) and he eventually stopped after about 3 months, but, boy, I learned those lessons the hard way.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *hildare*
> 
> i've been humbled several times (how many times does it take?) by the fact that "trust your body" doesn't always work and isn't always the case. if i'd trusted my body to pass what turned out to be an ectopic, i'd probably be dead.
> 
> ...


You know she's really too young to be "mean," right? (assuming this is your nov '09 baby) My older son did not have "violent hands", but my 2 year old always has. I don't think it has anything to do with meanness or niceness, but, in our case, more about carefulness and deliberateness. My little one really goes after what he wants whereas his brother was more relaxed and patient. When my 2 yo was five months old he raked my cornea with his fingernail and I still wake up at least once a week in terrible pain from it.

I think maybe I haven't been so humbled by a lot of the things you guys have mentioned because I didn't have the same expectations going into it. Like, I have juvenile diabetes, so the likelihood of me escaping a c-section was pretty minimal. So, I labored for 30 hours and then pushed for 3 hours before I had my c-section and I felt like that was a *real* accomplishment, that I gave it such a go. I was very happy about how it all played out. Right down to my awesome c-section. But I think with different expectations I would have been devastated. Nursing was so so important to me, and I was very scared that if I ended up with a c-section that would start me out on the wrong foot and there'd be this terrible cascade that led to formula feeding. So, when it took us almost three months to get to the point that nursing wasn't difficult and full of anxiety, I didn't think of it as any kind of failure. I was just so happy we had made it. I wonder if this makes me a glass half empty kind of person. lol

I am lately feeling fairly humbled by the fact that my two year-old is ALL about daddy. And I'm humbled by the fact that it bothers me. I should be comfortable enough with myself and my mothering that I only appreciate what a sweet relationship they have, right?

I am also humbled by how hard it can be to communicate with a seven year-old.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I was humbled by my first c-section. (I was pretty arrogant in my belief that I'd have a natural birth - and really wanted one, as being a c-section baby myself has always bugged me.) I wasn't humbled by much else with ds1, because I went into parenting - the first time - with the belief that I didn't know much and would have a lot to learn. But, ds1 was an awesome kid, and I thought I was an awesome mom, and he was 10 before I had another baby, so:

I was humbled by dd1's refusal to sleep on or near me.

I was humbled by my inability to comfort her when she cried...for hours...every night.

I was humbled by the fact that dh's approach to dealing with her, which was totally different from mine, worked and mine didn't.

I was humbled by the realization that having done it all right (mostly) once didn't actually make me the all-knowing, perfect mom.

I was humbled by my inability to cope with the frustration of dealling with ds2.

I was humbled by the fact that he was still peeing - daily - on my carpets at 4.5.

I've been humbled by the fact that I've used more tv as the last few years have gone by, not less.

I've been humbled by dd1 loving pink.

I've been humbled by finally having a "typical" sleeper in dd2 (really thought I was some kind of bedtime whiz, when I had three who slept through the night consistently by a year old).

And, not directly parenting related. But, my first marriage, and subsequent divorce, humbled me big-time. I wasn't going to get a divorce, because I took marriage sooooo seriously. (And, yes - I know many people get divorced even though they take marriage seriously - I think my previous view was a backlash to people telling me not to be nervous when I got married, because "you can always get a divorce if things don't work out".) And, I'd done everything "right"...not rushed into it, long engagement, not living together first, etc. etc. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah...right.

That's most of it.

(The rest of my reproductive life went way beyond "humbling" me. I think I'll still be putting the pieces of myself back together when I'm 90.)


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Storm Bride*
> 
> And, not directly parenting related. But, my first marriage, and subsequent divorce, humbled me big-time. I wasn't going to get a divorce, because I took marriage sooooo seriously.


{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I was humbled by having extreme marital problems and even separating from my DH for awhile, even though we were the perfect little APing/Homeschooling family. Deeply humbled. We pulled through and have a deeper relationship now because of what we went through, but I see marriage completely differently now, and came away minus the judgement I used to feel toward those whose marriages end.

I've also been humbled by having a sn child. Many of the hoped-for outcomes of APing aren't true for my child. I thought I knew everything I tried so hard to be perfect, and I learned to let go. I learned to live in the moment and breath in What IS.

I think that humbling experiences can be like going through fire, burning away our views and opinions, with the possibility of leaving us more accepting of others and of reality.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Linda on the move*
> 
> {{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
> 
> ...


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I am humbled, every day, by the realization that I have my beautiful family. Dh and I didn't know for sure that we would. I do not take it for granted, ever.

Like dariusmom, I am humbled to have a child with dyslexia. I watch this bright, amazing child navigate the world each day, and know that I never had such fortitude and courage.

I was humbled and terrified to watch my preemie son make his way in the world. Every accomplishment makes me cry with gratitude.

Thank you, OP, for this thread.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I have humbled myself with my views on FF. I am not the person who gets to deem if it is necessary or not...although it is still hard for me when I see *most* woman choosing to FF.

DH has humbled me into a trusting, more submissive-type of person. (I had a lot of issues before from past abuse and was "hard as nails" type of gal)

I have come to the realization that as long as you don't physically or verbally/emotionally harm your child, you can be a good parent even without being an AP parent.

I have been humbled by my DDs vax reactions...(reversible TG but it was hell going through it)

Also before I ever had kids I totally thought I would be a hardcore disciplinarian "you have to spank" kind of mom...The min she was in my arms that all went out the window!

I know there is a lot more I am just not thinking of here...


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## elsa_elsa (Nov 2, 2006)

I was totally humbled by newborn care. Totally seriously had no idea what to expect. I read alot and talked to a lot of people but had that attitude of "my baby won't be like that" or "i'll do it RIGHT and everything will be easy." So not at all. I'm still totally challenged everday by my DS (now 4) and I'm so thankful that it's this way. I need his challenging to stretch me to the edge of my comfort zone and beyond.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

This is a beautiful thread.

I've been way beyond humbled. Some days I feel like I've been delivered. When DD was around 18 months old, I began having terrible, terrible anger. It seemed to come from nowhere, and I couldn't make it go away. I was in a pit of despair. I thought there was no way I could be a good mother to my baby. I've had crippling anxiety and depression my entire life - it lifted briefly while I was pregnant and newly post-partum. But I had never gotten help for it - I would just "push through" until things go a little bit better... and they never really got that much better. Finally I was in a place where... I knew it wasn't in my exterior circumstances, but in me. And because of my daughter, I finally looked for help. And I got it. And I know I haven't "made it" or become the parent or the person I want to be, but I'm on the journey, and I am so, so, so grateful.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Too many things to list! I think I've been paid back over and over again for my previous declarations of what a perfect parent I was going to be...I was going to have perfect children that would never fight or be disrespectful or have dirty faces or wet the bed past age three...My kids were not going to have a pacifier or a bottle and they certainly weren't going to be in diapers over two years of age...those things are only for the weak parents...the parents that just aren't trying quite hard enough. I was going to spank my children because that's how you get them to respect you. My kids were never going to drink juice or eat junk food or watch tv. Our house would always be clean, the laundry done, dinner on the table...I would always be able to tell my kids NO, no matter how much it might break their heart.

After all...how hard can it be to be a parent?












































If somebody had told me THEN what I know now, I would not have believed them. If they'd told me that there are so many bigger things in life than whether or not a child has a messy face or wets the bed or keeps their paci for however long they want it...I would've rolled my eyes. But now, three (almost four) kids later I realize that I have had it all wrong and to put it simply people in glass houses should not throw stones. "My baby sleeps through the night already, he naps like an angel, nurses like a champ..." everything comes back to bite you in the end!

I love my loud, little maniacs and I am POSITIVE they will continue to humble me until they day I die.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

I am humbled by my youngest son, the smallest baby to be treated and survive at my local hospital, and the struggles he went through. I am humbled by his daily struggles with autism.

I am humbled by my oldest son, who takes all the autism issues in stride, far better then i do, and has no problem telling anyone who looks at him the wrong way "my brother has autism and he doesnt like it when you stare at him like that, his brain works differant". I am humbled that i have raised such a compassionate little boy, who understands so much more about his brothers mind then any doctor and protects him so fiercley.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

This is just beautiful.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Zan&Zav*
> 
> I am humbled by my youngest son, the smallest baby to be treated and survive at my local hospital, and the struggles he went through. I am humbled by his daily struggles with autism.
> 
> I am humbled by my oldest son, who takes all the autism issues in stride, far better then i do, and has no problem telling anyone who looks at him the wrong way "my brother has autism and he doesnt like it when you stare at him like that, his brain works differant". *I am humbled that i have raised such a compassionate little boy, who understands so much more about his brothers mind then any doctor and protects him so fiercley.*


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## beenmum (Nov 29, 2010)

By a daughter who I was so sure I would breastfeed, and who ended up being tube fed with formula.

By planning another child so they would be the exact "right" age....18 months apart. Only to have a 16.5 month old who still didnt walk and a newborn who came 5 weeks early and screwed my plans.

By losing my father.

By too many things that I cant count.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

By having a 11yo! Babies and toddlers are easy. It is the older kids that are harder in almost every way for me.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Katie T*
> 
> By having a 11yo! Babies and toddlers are easy. It is the older kids that are harder in almost every way for me.










You take that back right. now.

Seriously...I've been banking on things getting gradually easier...I'm going to put my fingers in my ears "lalalalallala"


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## bec (Dec 13, 2002)

Haha on the 11 year old! I have a 10 year old, and couldn't agree more!

This is a great thread! My children have certainly taken all of my preconceived notions and prejudices (yes, I said it) and turned them on their ear. I was 1000% convinced that I would have a completely drug free natural childbirth that my doctor and hospital would talk about for years. Turned out, that my waters broke, but labor didn't start, the hospital got impatient, and I labored pain med free for 16 hours on pitocin only to have a c-section. I was humbled by that, to be sure. Nursing was difficult with my first, but, after 5 weeks, several lactation consultants, being bullied by our first ped to feed her formula at his office (under the threat of being reported to authorities), and low weight gain, we hit a rhythm and nursed for almost 4 years.

I felt superior and smug, confident in my AP cred. Sure, I had had a c-section, but it was because of the hospital, and anyway, it was my first. That can excuse all sorts of things. Besides, I labored pain med free right up until I got the spinal for the c-section. Next pregnancy was going to be different. I was planning a homebirth with a family practitioner (wasn't quite ready to make the leap to a midwife for some reason). Things were going to be DIFFERENT! I had my waterbirth planned. And, I did it! I birthed a 10lb, 7oz. baby at home as an HBAC. She was posterior to boot! I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the damned back! Right up until she started losing weight. And didn't seem to be latching well (weak suck it seemed). The doctor couldn't find anything (we made the decision to wait until she had got back to her birth weight before taking her to our regular ped.). After 5 weeks of begging the doctor to look in her mouth (he'd been in there several time, including releasing a tongue tie), he finally discovered the cleft palate. THAT was humbling. Struggling to pump exclusively with her, having to supplement with formula, and just crying with joy that her tummy was filled for the first time in her short life, and so thankful that there was immediate food available and that it wasn't from my body. THAT was humbling, and not generally accepted here on MDC. Knowing that formula likely saved her life as I built my supply. Being married to the pump 24/7, as I built up my supply. It was humbling to take the bottles to AP playgroups, humbling to have to excuse myself to pump if I wanted to give her to the breastmilk I wanted to give her. It was humbling to have my 3 tv free three year old watching tons of television while I pumped, because I couldn't think of a better way to keep her occupied because I was exhausted. It was humbling to decide that jarred baby food was the better choice because I was stretched too thin with pumping. It was such an intense year, and that, in itself was humbling. I KNEW why people formula fed now. I had the worst of both worlds. I got it, and I would NEVER again think less of ANY mama that chose to formula feed. I continue to be passionate about breastfeeding, but my advocacy is support only. If a mama wants information, needs to trouble shoot or figure things out, I'm there for them. If they have reached the end of their rope with breastfeeding, I'm still there for them. I'm pro-mama!

My third was also a homebirth. I spent the entire pregnancy terrified that she would have a cleft palate, and that I wouldn't have the strength or resolve to pump for her. That was humbling. It was an uneventful (easy even) birth, with a perfectly intact palate, latched perfectly and went on to nurse for almost 3 years. She was such an easy baby. She was worn all the time (because I had two very little children that I had to chase!), and was totally attached. The only difficulty was that I had to hold her for every nap. I did this with joy, knowing that she was my last. Only, as a toddler and preschooler, she has definitely humbled me! She is willful, smart and impulsive. She cracks me up every day, but I have to be so careful with my patience!

At the same time, my oldest who is a very bright, sensitive young lady struggles in school. It was humbling to make the decision to put her on ADHD medication. Even though she has definitely benefited from them, it is not my first choice for her. I need to make decisions for her that are not in my nature, but are necessary for HER quality of life. She is her own person, and that is humbling to see. Watching her grow into this beautiful, sensitive, young woman is just the most amazing, humbling experience! How did I get blessed with such a gorgeous creature? She has an IEP for her struggles in school (it was humbling to realize that I could not educate her myself), yet celebrates everybody else's accomplishments. Her sister is quite advanced, and skipped a grade, yet there is no trace of jealousy, competition or resentment. Some would say that I should take credit because of my parenting, but I really feel like I'm just along for the ride. This is HER nature. Sure, I encourage it, but it is because of how she interacts with the world that she is able to be that way. I take such joy, pride, and inspiration from her and her spirit. Humbling is the only word for it.

Parenthood is humbling. I could go on and on. But, the thing I have learned is to really not make any judgements, to really just sit back and observe. It's not for me to say what is right and wrong, because as soon as I do, it will all be reversed. I just try, hard as I can, to love, feel and appreciate my time with these beings. These people that I am so blessed to share my life with.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood*
> 
> 
> 
> ...










sorry i have to agree. i feel like i am the worst parent right now because i have no clue what i am doing. should i let her cry alone or should i go to her. how should i phrase this? is it going to calm her down or make it worse.

and that's just the tip of the iceberg.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Katie T*
> 
> By having a 11yo! Babies and toddlers are easy. It is the older kids that are harder in almost every way for me.


Totally. As my kids have gotten older, parenting has been a whole lot more stressful.

This is the part I wish I had been more prepared for (though, how can you really do that?), b/c all the care a newborn, infant, and toddler need were so much more instinctual; whereas, I'm really lost now.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

lovingmommyhood: FWIW, I found it much easier as ds1 got older. Even his teen years (he's 18 now) weren't particularly difficult - a few issues, but nothing major, and one friendship I was glad to see end, but otherwise great.

DD1 is eight, and she's much easier to parent than when she was little.

I think some of it depends on the parents. It can be harder to be sure you're on the right path with older kids, but I've never been all that sure, anyway! And, I, personally, do much, much better with people who can talk to me and let me know what they want, need, etc.(one of the reasons that I find ds2 so difficult to cope with is that he can't - he has a decent vocabulary, but very little, if any, ability to use it communicate beyond bare facts.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lovingmommyhood*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You make me lol.

I hope it is not this way for every child after all I have 2 more young children to go through this age group. I am so glad you know I am not the only "lost" one. I would have never pegged this was the hardest age lol.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

.double post


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

Thank you, he is a pretty special kid 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *~Charlie's~Angel~*
> 
> This is just beautiful.


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Beautiful thread. Thanks, OP.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

1. Long first labor from hell, including four hours of pushing.....after I'd let those damn Hypnobirthing classes and videos convince me that I could "breathe my baby down."









2. Post-partum depression. Those of you who can relate know how much energy you have to muster just to pick up your baby. New motherhood wasn't rosies and rainbows for me. Far from it.

3. A whole series of parenting blunders, from leaky and misapplied cloth diapers to latch issues with breastfeeding to a three-year-old who would. not. potty. train.









4. Having a spirited child. Everything you read in those parenting books goes down the toilet when you have a kid who debunks it all.....

5. Acknowledging that my frugality would have to trump any consideration of pricier crunchiness, such as cute slings and carriers, fancy-schmancy all-in-one diapers, or a completely organic vegetable crisper.

There. I did it. I answered how I'm "crunchy," how I'm "mainstream" (yes, yes, they're simplistic labels that no one realistically conforms to. I get it), and how I've been humbled. Contrary to some recently posted suggestions, however, I do not believe that doing "crunchy" or doing "mainstream" things is somehow the opposite of humility. The opposite of humility is convincing yourself that you can and/or do live up to some parenting ideal. This thread is a good exercise for proving otherwise.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Katie T*
> 
> You make me lol.
> 
> I hope it is not this way for every child after all I have 2 more young children to go through this age group. I am so glad you know I am not the only "lost" one. I would have never pegged this was the hardest age lol.










I had some hints that it may get harder as a friend of mine was telling me that she has wondered how bad slapping her twelve year old would be for their relationship... She's never done it nor would she but it really showed me that it may not be all sunshine and roses in the years to come!!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I feel so... _stupid_ about how I view parenting (and everything related!) before DS was born... But I suppose "humbled" is a nicer way to put it.









I thought we could conceive quickly, especially with NFP. It took a year to conceive DS and we've been TTC #2 for about 2 years now.

I was so sure I would have a natural birth/BF/etc. (and assumed that's what everyone wanted for themselves/their patients) that it didn't even occur to me that I might encounter difficulty at the hospital.

I had no idea how my past abuse would affect my birth and ultimately lead to a drug cocktail, an epidural, pitocin, a vacuum delivery, a blue baby, and an all-around traumatic birth experience.

I never imagined I'd have any difficulty BF'ing -- after all, it's natural...

I thought I'd be a WOH mom... I scoped out all the daycares near my office and had fantasies of dropping in during lunch to nurse... yeah, instead I threatened to quit if work didn't allow me to telecommute instead...

I laughed and rolled my eyes at my cousin's then-1-year-old being in diapers still. Um... yeah my DS hated EC and is still in diapers at almost 2 1/2...

We can't afford to eat all organic. We sometimes shop at W*lmart, and we have to settle for wooden toys from the thrift store that are usually MIC...

I just had no idea how DIFFICULT parenting would be. I had never heard of 'high needs' and didn't really believe I could possibly have PPD and didn't think taking a shower would be some amazing feat and didn't know I would have a kid that cried ALL THE TIME no matter how hard I tried to keep him happy and meet all his needs. I didn't know pulling all-nighters in college was not enough preparation for the sleep deprivation parenthood would bring. I had no idea some babies were just... difficult... and I would surely have judged someone else with a tough baby if I hadn't had my own first. Maybe that's why I still blame myself for all DS's issues.

I guess most of all, I had no idea what LOVE was until DS came into my life. He is my world, the most amazing little person I have ever met, and he brought the love of my marriage to a whole new level, and brought me closer to God, and I just love him so much and I can't imagine my life without him, and he just makes me feel so many emotions at the same time!!


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

What a great thread!!

I am humbled by the realization that the "hard part" is not over after infancy or toddlerhood or whatever other notorious phase. Parenting is hard at every phase because children grow and learn and push boundaries and make you relearn how to parent every step of the way.

I am humbled by not being able to breastfeed any of my children. And then again humbled by the fact that formula feeding worked out just fine for us.

I am humbled by how much you need to work at your marriage once you have a slew of kids - it's so easy for it to get lost in the shuffle when you have to schedule alone time!

I am humbled by how being a mother has torn my heart wide open - I cry when I read about any child getting hurt and I worry about what the world will be like long after I'm dead.

I am humbled by my three sons. I grew up in a family with four girls and always wanted daughters. I thought boys and their trucks and sports and generic short haircuts wouldn't be as fun. I was just so....ignorant. They are fun and loving and just typing this makes me ache to hold them and see their sweet smiles (they're in bed).


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## berry987 (Apr 23, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife*
> 
> Totally. As my kids have gotten older, parenting has been a whole lot more stressful.
> 
> This is the part I wish I had been more prepared for (though, how can you really do that?), b/c all the care a newborn, infant, and toddler need were so much more instinctual; whereas, I'm really lost now.


Ha! You are so right! My DH and I had a conversation about all the things no one told us we'd deal with once we had kids. Like a full potty trained 6yo who pees 20 times a day because he's struggling with anxiety and it manifests in his bladder or a 4yo who has a weird need for his shoes to be SUPER tight on his feet so he stops to tighten them every few minutes as he is plays in the yard and gets upset when he can't get them tight enough. I mean, really?? You get through all the million stages of infancy and toddlerhood, which are somewhat predictable because they are developmental stages and you get your kids in school and think, "Ok, it should get easier now!" only to realize your child is an independent human being with quirks and hangups and there are no clear cut answers! It's hard work keeping up with their questions and quirks and various personalities!


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

You guys are scaring me. I can't imagine a "harder" than this.


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## Alenushka (Jul 27, 2002)

I imagined that my DH and I , being sane functional people with stable household etc would have a sane child. That somehow bipolar genes from my grandpa and mom would just pass us by. I held an opinion that parents give kids psych drugs because they are not willing to try hard enought. I was terrified of having a mentally ill child because of my mother. I was sure i would not be able to deal with it and I convinced myself that it does not happen to functional , sane, good parents.

Oh how I was humbled. I learned that you can't control eveything with nurture and positive thinking. Nature is nature. My son has bipolar disorder and no amount of cognitive therapy and fish oil will change it.

I am amazed by him every day. He take his Lithium and Abilify. He attends therapy. He is thriving in mainstream school.

I feel lucky everyday for therapists, special shcool and medication that gave my son his life back.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

That a mom like me who is well read and well educated can "do everything right" and still have a chronically ill child. It sucks monkey meat... I would literally give an arm to make this child healthy but I can't and the doctors can't.. sigh.









Sorry to be a downer but she's had a bad week again. There's not much I can do but keep her comfortable.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear this.







for your family.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *philomom*
> 
> That a mom like me who is well read and well educated can "do everything right" and still have a chronically ill child. It sucks monkey meat... I would literally give an arm to make this child healthy but I can't and the doctors can't.. sigh.
> 
> ...


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Thanks.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy*
> 
> You guys are scaring me. I can't imagine a "harder" than this.


crunchy like stormbride notes it so depends on the parents.

i know for myself - the hardest part has been the letting go. i mean come on - all these years you have been in 'power and control' over your child and now you have to unlearn all of this?

i have been a pretty intuitive parent and inspite of a high needs child - i felt i did pretty well all these years. i felt confident with my parenting.

now all that is all out the window and i am realising how little control i have over my child. u know at 5 (imho) the basic crux of children's troubles are reaslising that the world does NOT revolve around them.

now for me i am going thru teh same thing. dd's world does NOT revolve around me. i can no longer protect her in the way i could earlier on. in fact i have to figure out ways i need to protect her from ME and my desire to never let her feel any pain ever.

my HNs baby has grown into an extremely opinionated child. like she always reminds me - mama remember that is YOUR 'opinion'.

it is so so so hard to let dd go and 'allow' her to deal with life herself, which she so clearly demands strongly.







i soo sooo love my parents now more deeply than before because of what they had to put up with me. how i fought them every step of the way to let me go.

anything before - hah!!! piece of cake... yes even with a HNs child.

but it is wonderful too. to be able to communicate with your child and discuss things rather than telling her what to do. to have your child share all her little secrets with me like which boy she likes in school and discuss with you what to give him for valentines day and then still do her own thing. it is wonderful to watch her take care of me and try to protect me. no ma. dont come in now. no dont see that now. let me come out and talk and then you come in. and so she walked me slowly of why and how she created the mess in the bathroom that she needs my help to clean up. that takes the anger out of me. ma i know you feel bad yelling at me and i know you are tired so i wanted to make sure you were calm instead of angry when you saw that, so that you wouldnt be upset with yourself. i will help you too.

there is so much sweetness within her and yet so much more too. her attitude. oh that attitude.

so its all kinda bittersweet.


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## hippymama23 (Jan 2, 2011)

I have been humbled by infertilty and by the miracle of my healthy son and recently, a complete surprise, not even trying - pregnancy and then it turned into a miscarriage. I am humbled by life and the beauty I see in people. I am humbled by when I am most honest about my struggles as a new parent, a mom tells me how she has struggled and I realize I am not alone with my struggles, inner thoughts, or insecurities.


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## hippymama23 (Jan 2, 2011)

I wrote about the above mentioned humbling miscarriage: http://memomuse.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/miscarriage-the-silent-empty-box/


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I've been humbled by single parenting and living through domestic violence. When I got married I was sure I was going to have this picture perfect family. I was going to be a great mom blah blah blah. I would see people I knew and think "I'll never be like that." Then I became a single parent and had to go to work full time. Then I had to put him in daycare because my mom wasn't caring for him properly. I lived in a DV shelter for a time and discovered that all fo those women were more or less just like me.....loved their children fiercely, didn't have ideal circumstances and were doing the bes they could with what tey had.

I have been humbled by having to live in places I thought were only for bad, irresponsible people, only to discover that those people were actually trying very hard, in most cases, to better their lives.

I have been humbled by having a child whose special needs mean that he doesn't always behave in public in ways that necessarily make me look like a good disciplinarian. I no longer judge moms with tantruming kids, that's for sure.

I have been humbled by PPD so severe that I couldn't even get out of my bed to care for my children. I have been humbled by having to accept help that wasn't always done the way I would have done it, and learning to give up control to others. I have been humbled when I yelled at my kids or said something not so nice in my frustrations. I have been humbled when my expectations of myself as mother did not meet my reality.

I've been humbled just by being a mother. Just the work of being a mother is a life lesson and I don't think anyone could possibly get through it with all their judgmentalism still intact!


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## morganlefay (Nov 13, 2007)

I have been humbled by a planned homebirth turned hospital transfer that probably wasn't necessary.

I have been humbled by a baby (DD1) with extreme colic for six months. Then, when she finally stopped screaming she stopped sleeping at night. I was humbled by eventually having to nightwean her to keep from going completely psychotic.

I have been humbled by becoming depressed in the midst of these challenges, even though my life was still filled with so much joy.

I have been humbled by a missed miscarriage and by having to take painful drugs to complete the miscarriage because my body wouldn't take care of things "naturally."

I have been humbled by a little girl (DD1), who is very strong willed and resistant to eating and feeding herself. I have bribed her, nagged her, and forced her to eat at times. I, who advocate whole, organic, and sustainably raised foods have begged my child to eat a chicken nugget, anything to nourish her at all.

I have been humbled by an awesome homebirth with DD2, that, despite being awesome, was still very painful.

I have been humbled by having to return to work when DD2 was only three weeks old, having my mother give her a bottle while I'm at work 10 hours/4 days a week, and ducking into a supply closet to pump my breasts 3x a day. I am humbled by having to make the decision to sacrifice some of my ideals now so that my family can, in the future, live more in accordance with our values and worldview.

In short, motherhood has humbled me beyond words, knocking me off any high horse I ever may have had. At the same time it has shown me that I am stronger and more patient than I ever thought I could be. I love my kids so much


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## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *alittlesandy*
> 
> I'm starting this thread in an attempt to put a more positive spin on the anti-crunchy and anti-mainstream threads.
> 
> ...


:hug I couldn't even read the other posts because what you have posted above is so similiar to my own story. I hate the judgment, and the "mommy wars". I had a close group of friends that supported me when I was planning my homebirth with my DS... then this is who I was humbled...

~ I have been humbled when I got diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and told I could not leave the hospital.

~ I have been humbled when I my pre-e worsened and I had no choices left but to have an emergency c-section or die.

~ I have been humbled while I tried and tried to BF my DS for months while pumping around the clock, and he never did develop a strong enough suck to BF (preemie, under-developed in areas)

~ I have been humbled when I had to buy my first supply of formula, and everone thereafter.

~ I have been humbled when I became a single mom.

I was definitely one of those extreme lactivists that would likely give a look at Mom's using bottles while out in public while I happily nursed my DD. Wow, was I ever humbled. lol I don't know anyone's story. It is not my right to judge. We all have our own story that puts us in situations making the decisions we do... or are forced to make for survival.

The other thread about "not being mainstream" definitely set me off when I read, "when your baby doesn't understand why another baby is eating from a jar" or something like that. I'm a single mom... I average 20 hour days between work and full time kind care on my own after work... it's impossible for me to make baby food while caring for my kids other needs in the short hours after work... I'm exhausted and have nothing left... I have to pick and choose where to save time. I buy organic baby food in a jar and I don't think that makes me "not" or "less" or anything. It's what I have to do.


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## alittlesandy (Jan 20, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Phoenix~Mama*
> 
> :hug I couldn't even read the other posts because what you have posted above is so similiar to my own story. I hate the judgment, and the "mommy wars". I had a close group of friends that supported me when I was planning my homebirth with my DS... then this is who I was humbled...
> 
> ...










This is really beautiful and reflects some of the raw pain I have felt regarding so many of these issues. Thank you for sharing your story. And thanks to everyone who has shared in this thread. It's been really inspiring to read these stories, and to me, THIS is what Mothering is all about. Love and support of other mothers. Hearing each others stories and really listening.


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## Deepfeet (Nov 19, 2010)

Wow.

Thank you so much for starting this thread, I just started reading "you might be a 'crunchy' parent" thread and was so disheartened by all the backlash. A lot of the time I feel all alone in my struggles as a new mom. My family is thousands of miles away and I don't have a close friend nearby... So much has changed since my son has come into this world and humility was the first lesson I learned.

I have been humbled by my planned home birth that resulted in an emergency c-section.

I have been humbled by the nurse who helped me get back to bed when I couldn't make it to the toilet with blood gushing and splattering all over my legs and feet. - She didn't bat an eye. She didn't even look at the hideous mess my body had made.

I have been humbled by the nurse who brought me Powerade in the middle of the night and pretended not to notice I was asleep with my son in my arms when he was supposed to be in the nursery if I slept.

I have been humbled by the incision's re-opening when I tried to jump back into life when I needed to slow down and be helped and heal - emotionally and physically.

I have been humbled by my husband who continues to show patience for me and our son.

I have been humbled by help I didn't but should have asked for.

I have been humbled by my son who is constantly forgiving me and he's only 4 1/2 mos old.

I have been humbled by motherhood because it stripped me of every vanity I once had and is constantly reminding me that for now, I need to just sit tight and be a mommy to this person, this wonderful person who just needs me to be good to him.

I am humbled by OP because you had the insight to re-center us. The energy I'm feeling right now is the energy I want around my son - humility and understanding.

Thank you for reminding me that parenthood is only highschool if you need it to be.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

deepfeet, that baby is about the cutest thing i have seen.


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## youngspiritmom (Mar 5, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by **bejeweled**
> 
> What a wonderful thread.
> 
> ...


As always, loving the tone and thoughtfulness of your posts, *bejeweled*.


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## youngspiritmom (Mar 5, 2010)

I'm humbled by:

1. The traumatically long labor and post-partum sad/lonely/loss feelings that blindsided me. From the beginning I had to admit that I couldn't handle it all. I had to swallow my pride and admit I needed help. I am humbled by my women friends, who took turns/"shifts" coming and staying in my house with me every day so I wouldn't feel alone. I am so humbled my my mother in law who let me move in with her for months, brought food to my bed, and cared for me.

2. I am humbled by becoming a mother. Moments after my birth it made me realize how my own mother feels and made me want to take back anything I had done that did not bring her happiness!

3. I am humbled by my own arrogance and mistakes -- when I made them I thought I was so smart, and so right, and so impressive, and now I know that it was I who was wrong. I am humbled by the fact that I have the chance to make things right, and by the opportunity to improve myself.


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## loonar (Feb 14, 2010)

What a truly beautiful thread. Thank you all for putting yourselves out there.

I was humbled by birth. I went from 2cm dilated to baby-in-arms in 2.5 hours, and the pain was so huge, so terrifying, so unrelenting. The peaceful HypnoBabies birth I had envisioned for myself went out the window; I just could not stay ahead of my body. If I'd had the option of pain relief, I'd have taken it in a heartbeat. Never again will I look down my nose at someone who chooses an epidural. And never again will I give birth.

I was humbled by the early weeks of breastfeeding. We worked our way through a tongue tie, thrush, and oversupply. I sobbed every time he latched on.

I was humbled by a cranky refluxy baby who was going to cry a lot no matter what I did. I really thought if I was attentive and met all his needs and kept him close always, he would be content. Not so.

I was humbled by the consuming love I felt for my cranky refluxy baby. I am humbled by it anew every single day.

I was humbled to learn that sometimes if I let him complain for 30 seconds or so he'll drift right off to sleep, while if I pick him up and nurse/rock/shush/sing/snuggle him he'll stay awake indefinitely. This is the hardest one, I think, because of the "sometimes." There are times when he does need his mama's help, and those 30 seconds go by and he's really upset and I literally run to him, feeling like this awful neglectful person. I'm still figuring it out.

I am humbled by wanting to do my very best for him, and not always knowing what that means.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *loonar*
> 
> What a truly beautiful thread. Thank you all for putting yourselves out there.
> 
> ...


I agree great thread!

I too had a baby who would cry while I was shushing, rocking, snuggling and one day I layed him in his cradle and he went right to sleep. I had always parented to sleep with my first child and I remember standing there crying that he didn't "need" me to go to sleep. It turned out to be a faze lol but It made me so sad at the time.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I have been humbled by long labors that had complications that made me choose epidurals. Humbled that I am still proud of my births and can't beleive I wasted so much time regretting my first unnatural birth.

I have been humbled by caring Dr.s and nurses who helped to give me a beautiful birth experience even though I was extremely stubborn and difficult.

I have been humbled by not being so enchanted with cloth diapers this time around. They are more work than sposies and I have so many cute outfits for my dd that she can't fit into because of her huge cd bottom.

I have been humbled by loving to dress my dd in pink. Before she was born I wasn't going to do that, and she has many colors of clothing and also wears robots and trains. But none of this "gender neutral" for me.


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## Magnolia mama (Jan 7, 2011)

This thread is wonderful! Especially after reading through the "you might be a 'crunchy' parent if" thread. Thank you for starting this *alittlesandy*.

I have been humbled...

~By planning for, preparing for, and talking up a homebirth, then having to be transfered to the hospital because my MW's were unsure of babies position. Turned out he was frank breech and i needed a C section. There was no way baby was going to ever turn because his cord was only 7 inches long and if we did decide to birth him vaginally, my uterus would have been torn out with my placenta!

~Baby had his own plans. I learned to trust my baby and let go of all control that day.

~ I am humbled by thinking just because I am a PICU RN I knew what I was going to do with a newborn... not so! Healthy babies are much much different than ones in the ICU.

~ I thought that holding my baby and tending to each and every need of his would make for a quiet and content baby. Boy is he teaching me! I have been humbled by the pure fact that I cannot control everything and that I have a very high need baby. He is making me eat my own words when I said, "Oh I will never have a baby like that because I will wear him/hold him and know what he needs because Im going to be an AP parent. He is teaching me every day to be patient, strong, and to love unconditional always.

At 8 weeks old he has taught me more about myself than I ever could have imagined. We are both learning and I am trying my hardest to do my best for him and to do right by him. I am so scared that I might disappoint my LO by not knowing just what he needs and missing something. That truly humbles me.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

You get through. That's all you can do.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *philomom*
> 
> That a mom like me who is well read and well educated can "do everything right" and still have a chronically ill child. It sucks monkey meat... I would literally give an arm to make this child healthy but I can't and the doctors can't.. sigh.
> 
> ...


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

If I ever had a pedestal I was knocked off it with great force. Ha.

I have been humbled by the overwhelming agony of childbirth. 49 hours of labor the first time, including a hospital transfer because when I heard "you are dilated to 2" after 40 hours of labor I just couldn't do it. I could no longer walk or see straight. Going into my second labor I said, "Anything less than 24 hours will be a cake walk! And the second one is always faster than the first!" Heh. 9 days later I almost died after pushing my daughter out because my uterus was done and not interested in closing up. I am apparently not meant to have lots of children even though I always wanted a bunch of children.  If we ever have an accidental pregnancy (unlikely with a vasectomy) I would choose an elective c-section. I can't go through that again.

I have been humbled by the intensity of dealing with my former traumas while parenting. I've always had a harder time than other people being a "normal" person, because I'm not. But I didn't know how hard this would be with children. It's several orders of magnitude harder than I thought it would be.

I have been humbled by the response when I had a mental breakdown. I thought droves of people would be nasty or insulting or critical. That is my biological families reaction to any weakness on my part. Instead I have had many wonderful people (including here from MDC) offer me help and support in a myriad of ways. For a week straight after my uncle died and I wasn't safe to be alone with my children... I wasn't. My friends took shifts to stay with me and my kids so that everyone made it through the crisis alive and well. My kids won't remember mommys breakdown as a terrible traumatic event. My kids will remember, "Sometimes my mom gets sad and goes into the garage. But then we have friends come over and play! It's awesome!" I hope my children will never know how very close they came to being orphans. And the phone calls and text messages and emails... I am truly humbled by the outpouring of love I received. My "story" is that everyone hates me. I am trying to really believe that people actually love me. That's what their actions show.

I have been humbled by the support I have received from my husband. (Let's take this new UA for a spin, shall we?) My husband refers to himself as a charming asshole. He is absolutely willing to talk about the fact that he is out for #1... and that's not me. But he believes that the only way our family will work well is if everyone is supported. So even though he doesn't particularly like all the stuff he does for/with me... he does it. He goes way outside his comfort zone for me. He waited on me hand and foot through two horrific pregnancies. I didn't know anyone would be willing to go so far for me.

I am humbled by my beautiful Shanna. My daughter is three. She is a shining example of happiness and health. Despite how fucked up I am. I don't know how that happened. If I start getting nasty in my tone of voice she can turn around and say, "Mom! It's not ok to talk to me like that. It hurts my feelings. You need to be more kind." Once when I was in a bad place I said, "I am so angry that I want to hit you." She said, "Hitting is never ok! If you feel that angry you need to go to time out." Did I mention that she is three? She's been able to do this for a long time. I think she is perfect.

I am humbled by learning how to be in a healthy family. Sometimes I feel heartsore because I don't know what healthy dynamics are. But my family is helping me learn. It's wonderful.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Krissy. You inspire me.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I am totally with you on not knowing what healthy dynamics are. When I was finally on my own at 15 I started going to therapy I had 3 therapist tell me I was probably incapable of really loving anyone and could never have a relationship b/c my parents had messed me up so bad and I had been through too much. They said I would always be detached. I am only on my first child but it is scary the things that go through my head. I love her and DH despite the fact I was told I couldn't. I am totally learning how to actually be a mother though. I read the books and am focusing on that for now. I am doing pretty damn good too!

When DD was 9 m/o I went into a deep depression and couldn't get off the couch. I don't have any support besides DH and he had to work. Good thing she was an early walker b/c I was certainly a bore. She would snuggle with me and come over to get milk but other than that she was pretty good about entertaining herself. I got lucky. I am doing much better now though!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *rightkindofme*
> 
> If I ever had a pedestal I was knocked off it with great force. Ha.
> 
> ...


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

I am humbled that despite my natural parenting, nursing 5 years, selective vax, organic, whole foods, limited sugar, etc., oldest ds still ended up with Type 1 diabetes and Celiac disease. He is the only one out of 13 biological grandchildren on dh's side of the family (dh's father and sister were/are type 1 diabetics) to have this condition, and I am the only "crunchy" one among the parents.

I am further humbled at the fact that I no longer have control of this issue with him, as he is 19. I still provide and cook for him and try to work with him in managing his condition, but it is truly in his hands now.

Meanwhile, I work towards gratitude everyday. Work towards being present. Not easy, but I'm working on it.


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## GandEmama (Jan 20, 2010)

I have not had a chance to read all of these posts yet, but THANK YOU so much for such a wonderful thread!

I used to come to MDC some when my boys were young, but I have not been around much because, as people have said, I felt judged and I didn't need that.

I have been humbled by:

* A C-section birth of my twin boys, despite doing everything in my power, including hiring a doula from day one, to avoid it.

* Sitting on the couch for around 20-23 hours a day with a huge twin nursing pillow trying to get my boys to nurse. As soon as I got one latched on the other would fall off. I struggled with this, along with thrush, mastitis, and their inability to extract milk properly. Then I struggled through trying to use a SNS. I felt like I was failing my boys and my body was failing me. I finally began to substitute when they were clearly not getting enough to eat.

I was furthered humbled when:

* My twin boys, who never really learned to nurse well began with, rejected my breast completely around 7 months. The heartache was immense. I always thought I would nurse to at least two. They would scream when I tried to nurse them.

* I could not often find the time to pump more than four times a day and thus could only give them two bottles of bm each day. I knew spending time with my boys was more important than the milk, ultimately. But the most humbling part was finding myself in a position where I had to choose between them getting my milk or my time.

My boys are almost two now. Although I still wish things had been different, I learned SO much in those early months about the uncertainties of motherhood and how it feels to be someone whose struggling. I am thankful now that I learned that lesson when I did, and I sincerely hope it helps me relate to mothers in a more gentle, loving, accepting way.

Thank you again for this thread.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

I am so sorry you felt judged


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## cettasmom (Jan 6, 2011)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *berry987*
> 
> I am humbled by how being a mother has torn my heart wide open - I cry when I read about any child getting hurt and I worry about what the world will be like long after I'm dead.


So true. So very true. I read the book "someday" in the library. I almost bawled then and there. I can't watch violence like I used to be able to.

I so appreciate this thread.

As a former teacher, I am humbled by how much harder but how much more rewarding this is when the kids are not returnable.

As someone who lost her mother in her early twenties, I am humbled by how becoming a mom ripped open the wound of losing her anew. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish she were here, not so much for me, but for my daughter. It breaks my heart that she won't know (through this world anyways) her amazing grandmother who embodied grace, elegance, and kindness.

As a daughter-in-law, I am humbled by how the universe sent me such a wonderful, loving, generous, and supportive mother-in-law who lives for my little girl and supports and encourages me as a parent and a wife. While cancer took my mom from me way too early, and while my MIL could never replace my mother, she sure does make her absence easier to bear.

I am humbled by the the fact that my daughter lights up every time she sees me and all I can do is hope that I might live up to her expectations.

I am humbled by single mothers of the world, because quite frankly, I don't know how you do it. You women are iron strong.

I am humbled by my husband, who works a shitty job because he can't find a good one in this economy all to be able to give me and my daughter a decent life. And he doesn't complain one bit. He is a model of devotion and self-sacrifice. Humbled and lucky, I am.

I am humbled by the process it took for me to breastfeed my daughter. I had took for granted the fact that I would breastfeed. I turned my nose up at formulas and bottles. I didn't have either in my house when my baby was born. I was quickly humbled to discover she couldn't suck and indeed wasn't getting any colostrum/milk at all as she lost weight and grew listless. I was humbled by the first bottle of formula the midwife told me to give her and how she gratefully gulped it down and and came back to life. I was humbled by how happy I was that formula existed and how happy that at that very moment, my milk finally came in. I was humbled by the 6 weeks of pumping and triple feeding I had to do to be able to breastfeed my daughter because she could not suck. I was humbled and happy that one day, after what seemed an eternity of nursing a breast pump, we got it right.

I am humbled by how many people came into my house to visit us and ended up watching me pump. Seriously. I think everyone I know has seen my boobs at this point. I was so frazzled during the triple feeding while my MIL was here, I just walked around the house with the flaps of my nursing tank down, exhausted. It's a level of intimacy I never anticipated.

I am humbled by the good OBs out there because I swore up and down that I did not want the OB model of care and paid money we couldn't afford to get a midwife. I was humbled because despite "trusting my body" after 42 hours of labor, I still had no baby to show for it. I was humbled because the OB my midwife transferred me to treated me with respect and care and I never felt pressured into anything. My only regret was that I never was able to get into that birth tub. Even the nurses were awesome. They proved me wrong. In the end, I had the perfect birth, even if it wasn't the birth that I had envisioned and anticipated, surrounded by my birth "party" with some last-minute invitees.

She's only 9 months. The lessons in humility will just keep on coming. They are lessons I nervously and naively look forward to.

Thanks for starting this thread. It's been said before but it bears saying again. Motherhood is hard enough. We need all the support we can get. Let's give each other the benefit of the doubt. Let's allow others to celebrate their successes as we celebrate ours. We all need a pat on the back some times. We all like to hear some cheers our way because what we do, as mothers, is tough.

So cheers to you mamas, I raise my glass to you and our various lessons in humility.


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## Phoenix~Mama (Dec 24, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *cettasmom*
> 
> So true. So very true. I read the book "someday" in the library. I almost bawled then and there. I can't watch violence like I used to be able to.
> 
> ...


You are amazing. :hug Thank you for sharing. We sound like we have had some similiar challenges. Your post really touched me.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

i lost my mom when I was 15


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