# Lazy Houseguests--Rant



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

We just had my family over and they are soooo messy. They leave dirty socks on the floor. They have (tmi) massive blowouts in the toilet but don't swish it afterwards to clean up, so I have a caked on mess to scrub later. They don't do dishes, they leave candy wrappers on the floor. I have 2 kids, but having them over is like I have 4 more that aren't trained to do anything! The attitude is that they are on vacation. And also they tell me how much $ they are saving by eating at my house instead of eating out...in other words, I'm footing the bill, and they are BIG eaters.

So then, as my house was trashed, DH had an appointment with this woman's daughter to help her with her reading. So I was visiting with the woman while DH worked with the girl. Well...I was so mortified that anyone would see my house that way, and she commented about "thanks for letting me see your lovely home." I made a comment about my "very messy" home, and she said, "not messy...more like lived in." Yeah, lived in by a pack of wild monkeys who leave everything out.

I feel like she thinks I am a total slob. I shouldn't care what people think, but at least if my house is messy with my mess, I'm responsible, now I feel people are judging me on what my house looks like after the un-people come over and trash everything...


----------



## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

What a pain. Have you talked to them about it? Are they like that at their own house? Sorry you had such a rough go of it.


----------



## lrmama (Jan 5, 2004)

Are we related to the same people?! My ILs were here 2 weekends ago, and I swear, it's like they think they're at a hotel or something. FIL left his dirty socks on the arm of the sofa, mil saw them on the way to bed, and instead of walking back three steps (really, THREE steps) to pick them up, said, "Well, they'll be there in the morning." Ummm...this isn't your nasty house, it's my brand new, clean (before you came) house that I spend a ton of time and energy on. Pick up after yourself...you're an adult!

And they sit around and watch me cook, while trying to take care of 3 kids 4 years old and under. They don't actually want to spend time with the kids (supposedly the reason they visit














, so they just let me try to deal with everything while cooking their [email protected]#% breakfast.

What is it with toilet issues? I know my mil and sil have irritable bowel syndrome, but come on! I would be mortified if I went to someone's house and left a mess in their toilet.


----------



## Korimomto2 (May 8, 2006)

UGH! That is miserable. Why don't people have common sense and be tidy in someone elses home? They can go be slobs in their own houses!







:


----------



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

I'm so glad I'm not the only one...my mother also told me & Dh to go out for a bit, and she'd take care of the kids. INstead of making the kids lunch, she made cookies, used an entire jar of expensive organic peanut butter (none of us even like pb cookies) and then left a huge mess for me to come back to.

DH is like "what do they expect, room service? we are talking wet towels everywhere, water all over the bathroom floor, piles of clothes etc all over my kids rooms where they were staying so my kids couldn't find their things....I'm still fuming, and they've been gone for about 12 hours now, and its time for me to start cleaning up the disaster they left in their wake.

Oh and the toilet thing-my daugther is potty training, and refuses to use a dirty toilet. Since I rarely use that bathroom, I couldn't figure out why she's peeing her pants for 2 days all the sudden. Turns out her toilet is too gross to use....they also taught my 6 yo to leave the lid & seat up, which has never occured to him before, since his daddy is very good about putting the seat down and he always learned that is the way to do it.


----------



## Sadystar (May 7, 2007)

At least your OH is on your side, cos I think that any "quiet words" have to come from him - otherwise they´ll just bitch about you for the rest of your life









Decide on what is important - predominantly the mess - and focus on that. If you think that they are exploiting you financially by eating you out of house and home, then this might be more tricky to deal with, but at least stay focussed on the issues and don´t let it slide into pettiness. Sure, making cookies that you don´t like with your expensive pb is waaaaaaaay annoying - but getting this specific may just give them the ammunition they need to write you off.

And remember always precede a negative with a positive - even if you have to search real hard for one


----------



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

Unfortunately, its my family, not his, so I get to be the bad guy. I have mentioned it before, and they are like "what are you talking about?" The thing is, they live like this at home too, so they really do not get it.


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

I can't offer any advice, just sympathy. I have freeloading in-laws that I only have to see once a year or so but I can't get over how lazy they are. Mooches too, they never offer to cook, pick up groceries, pick up the restaurant tab, etc. but guess who is the first at the table when I cook (and pay for) a meal!?!

The toilet thing - I just don't get people. We have a construction crew (4 guys) working at our house right now. They working outside the house and in our area, it is the company's responsibility to provide their own facilities in the form of a porta potty (job johnny).

Because we have a mudroom with a powder room that can be accessed from the outside, I thought I would be nice and allow them to use our restroom. Not only would it be more pleasant for the workers, it also saved the company money because they didn't need to rent a job johnny.

What a mistake. I cannot believe how disgustingly dirty my half-bath is at the end of every day. I am not talking about general dirt but bm blowouts, urine on the toilet and floors, etc. Because I don't want my family touching the germs, I am constantly cleaning it.

After the first day, I stocked the bathroom with cleaning products and purchased paper towels (we use cloth cleaning rags) and made sure the toilet brush was in full view with the hope that they would at least clean up after their own filth but no improvement. It is going on two weeks and I can't wait for the project to be finished.

I just can't believe how piggish they are. None of the men in my family, including my husband, would ever be so sloppy and inconsiderate of their own home or certainly not someone else's.

I said something to the boss and he sort of didn't know how to take me. I was trying to be delicate but I think I just came off as a snotty little priss in his eyes.

Sorry for the rant.


----------



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

I'm surprised the boss isn't more helpful, since if you stop allowing use of your toilet, he's the one who has to pay! Lame.


----------



## zeldabee (Aug 23, 2004)

I've had a close friend visit from back east a couple of times, and I love her to pieces but it was really rough having her as a houseguest. She's an admitted slob, says she just doesn't see messiness. She lives alone and has an occasional housekeeper come in and do a white tornado cleaning of her apartment.

But all the little _things_ being left around were driving me crazy, like she's one of those people for whom an object ceases to exist _as she's putting it down_, where ever. She just took over the whole space with little random objects. She had a little dog, and was constantly feeding him little bits of food, only some of which he'd actually eat. So there were little bits of food all over the floor, dog kibble, carrots, chips, whatever.

She ate where ever, even after I told her that we really don't eat anywhere in the house other than the dining area. I had her in my bed room, and she kept taking food in there, especially in the mornings. She cooked these rolled oats in the microwave (the last day burning it, so that the whole house filled with smoke), and I keep finding the dang things now, a month later, even after having cleaned pretty thoroughly twice now. After she left, there were _blobs of jelly_ on the white sheets and on the floor in the bed room. (Not to mention leaving the cabinet I'd cleared out for her to store her stuff full of trash.)

But here's the thing that made me nuts: When I said something to her about the fact that we don't eat in the house except in the dining area, she was totally dismissive, and responded as though I were being terribly obsessive and anal about it. (She's a psychoanalyst, so she was pretty sure of her diagnosis.) Her response was something along the lines of "Oh, zeldabee, life's too _short_ to worry about stuff like that!" And I'm like...holy cow, if anyone else came into my house and looked around, it would be _immediately_ obvious that I am not obsessive about cleanliness. I just don't eat in the dang bed room, and I teach Sprogly not to, either. Sheesh.

Anyway, that's my rant! Not family, but she's Sprogly's god-mother, so she might as well be...


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Exactly Normajean! Boggles the mind.

I was really beside myself the other day and my husband wanted to go out and tell them they were no longer welcome to use the inside facilities. (he didn't) After I calmed down I decided that we would make the best of a bad situation and learn from it.


----------



## lrmama (Jan 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
I can't offer any advice, just sympathy. I have freeloading in-laws that I only have to see once a year or so but I can't get over how lazy they are. Mooches too, they never offer to cook, pick up groceries, pick up the restaurant tab, etc. but guess who is the first at the table when I cook (and pay for) a meal!?!

Holy cow...maybe my ILs move around to everyone's house?! Seriously, I can't believe how fast they can park themselves at the table when the food's ready, but try to get them in the kitchen and they can't seem to locate it!

When we go to visit them, I make sure to help clean up after eating, help with cooking, set the table, whatever I can see needs to be done. I usually end up cleaning the whole kitchen...it's always a mess when we arrive, and I can't stand the thought of our food being prepared in that nastiness. I do more work in my MILs kitchen than if I cleaned my whole house. UGH!


----------



## raleigh_mom (Jan 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
I can't offer any advice, just sympathy. I have freeloading in-laws that I only have to see once a year or so but I can't get over how lazy they are. Mooches too, they never offer to cook, pick up groceries, pick up the restaurant tab, etc. but guess who is the first at the table when I cook (and pay for) a meal!?!

Sorry for the rant.


Wow. OK, so the workers thing would bug me, but you seem pretty harsh regarding your IL's. We go to visit my IL's once or twice a year. They seldom come to visit us. I'd rather have them here a few times then have the guilt trips about us not going to see them enough. There is no way we could afford a hotel for our family. And my MIL would be so insulted if we didn't stay with them. I seldom offer to cook - they don't like the food I make, anyway. Last time we went it really bothered her that I brought so much food with me, but we found out my kids have food allergies and I had to be careful. Occasionally we'll pick up some groceries while there, but not usually.

I don't expect people coming to see me to stay in hotels. I don't expect them to bring their own groceries or cook. I don't expect them to clean my kitchen. They are my guests. Yes, dirty laundry in the living room would bother me, but if the guest room is a mess? Oh well. The door can be shut and it can be cleaned after they leave.


----------



## brittneyscott (Mar 14, 2006)

I understand how you feel. Luckily we very rarely ever have houseguests and ours are pretty clean (or at least respectful of our house). However when Katrina hit DH and I stayed at MIL's house. They left us there to care for the 2 grandmother's during the storm. I spent 2 wks caring for 2 elderly women and my 3 wk old DD in the wake of a hurricane. No problem but SBIL and SSIL's came in and out of the house the entire time with their wild kids. They ate up all the food that we had there for us and the grandmothers (um we couldn't go out to buy more!) and left HUGE messes that I had to clean. This wasn't my house but I was left with it and they tried to destroy it. We never went in MIL's rm until I cleaned the entire house before leaving. I found PAINT all over the rm including the bed, mattress, dressers, and floors. There was food and drinks in there too. I tried my best to clean up all the mess and we even called SBIL to come help (his kids did it) and he never did. I was upset when I called MIL apologizing but luckily she understood it wasn't my fault (they've done this to her before).


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caneel* 
I can't offer any advice, just sympathy. I have freeloading in-laws that I only have to see once a year or so but I can't get over how lazy they are. Mooches too, they never offer to cook, pick up groceries, pick up the restaurant tab, etc. but guess who is the first at the table when I cook (and pay for) a meal!?!

When my ILs come to visit, the first thing they do is go to the store. They usually buy the food, cook and clean it up with my husband and I helping. And they usually take us out at least once. When I went to visit my mom this summer, I wanted to stay in her house with her, but there were really too many people there so I had to go and stay with a friend. But wherever I was, I went and bought groceries and cooked some meals.

I don't really cook that much, and dinners are kind of odds and ends here most of the time, so if my guests were waiting for me to put a big meal on the table without asking or communicating their expectations, they'd be disappointed.


----------



## hellyaellen (Nov 8, 2005)

oh i can sympathize, not on account of in-laws but dh's sorry friends.

when we drink, we buy cans but because mr. friend prfers bottles i actually bought a special trash can just for his bottles. but do you think mr. friend puts his bottles there??? of course not. despite repeated requests from me if he comes over i will be the one to throw away his bottles. if he actually buys cans, well i'm the one to crush them and throw them in the recycling.

and the other mr. friend is incapable of peeing w/out getting the pee on the seat. naturally I'm the one to clean that up too.

one mr. friend has been over here freeloading dh's beer all night tonight.

its been much better lately b/c none of them have been over much for a while but the main mr. friend, the one who really should have signed the lease with us, yk, is starting to step it up again and it is really working my nerves.








to all you mamas


----------



## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

I am not harsh about my in-laws, I actually go above and beyond what most spouses would tolerate.

My frustration with my in-laws stems from the fact they were lousy parents, the type that had money for all their vices but never for decent food, clothing, and medical care for the kids. The stories from his childhood are terrible so when they take advantage of our hospitality, it really rubs me raw.

When ever we see them, all they talk about is how they don't have any money yet the house is stuffed to the gills with cr_p and there is plenty of money to buy big screen tvs, $40,000 pick-up trucks, trips to car races, etc.

It is husband's choice to see them on occasion and I support him by putting a smile on my face and picking up their tab each and every time they want to eat a meal, whether it is at our home or at a restaurant so when they don't lift a finger to help out, it is very frustrating.

During our last visit, we rented a house near the beach (as well as very close to their home) and invited them to stay with us. At least three times, we all got on the phone together and I explained that we would not be going out to eat each meal. The expectation (clearly explained to the point of hammering it in) was that each family would be responsible for their own drinks, snacks, etc. They would have had to eat at home anyway so I wasn't asking that they alter their lifestyle/budget in any way. Over and over again, I asked if they would like to go to the store (both families had cars so transportation was not a problem) to buy themselves food. Each time they declined and waited for me to cook.


----------



## Sadystar (May 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *normajean* 
Unfortunately, its my family, not his, so I get to be the bad guy. I have mentioned it before, and they are like "what are you talking about?" The thing is, they live like this at home too, so they really do not get it.


Ooooops I read your first post wrong, well at least you could have the conversation again and then you´d be well within reason next time they come over and make a mess to actually point out exactly what it is that you find unacceptable in YOUR house. And that´s the nib of it isn´t it? They are living by their rules in your house and they have to be (gently) made to understand that it can´t work like that.


----------



## Stace (Jan 4, 2007)

I agree with raleigh_mom. While I may not be a maid service or anything like that, when we have guests, I expect to clean up after them, regardless of if they're family or not. I expect to do the cooking, just like I always do. I make sure I have enough food on hand - I would NEVER expect a guest to bring their own food or buy their own groceries. Sure, it may inconvenience me a little, but the pleasure of their company (and even, sometimes, the aggravation







) is worth a little extra cleaning and cooking. Just because I am kind enough to help with cleanup and such when we visit others doesn't mean I should automatically expect that they will do the same when they visit us.


----------



## zeldabee (Aug 23, 2004)

I expect to do more cleaning when I have a guest. I don't expect them to wash dishes, or clean the bathroom, and definitely don't expect them to bring food. What I do expect is that they respect my home enough to clean up after themselves in a _basic_ way, e.g., hang up their towel after they've used it, pick up food off the floor if they've dropped it. And I do expect a guest to respect my wishes regarding where food is eaten.

When I have a house guest, at some point there's at least going to be a _discussion_ of how meals will work: are we eating meals together? Or does my guest prefer his/her own food? When my guest was here last month, she had strong food preferences that were hard to anticipate, and as a rule she didn't want to eat what I cooked. I did make sure that I'd picked up things that she liked to have on hand before she arrived. We still went grocery shopping when she got here, at her request. We ate some meals together, but they required quite a bit of negotiation in the planning and in the preparation.

I don't know, I was raised by neat people, and no one in my family would leave a mess as a house guest. So my "rules" are a little different from my friend's, which is probably why it was so hard to have her as a guest. Sometimes we could discuss things, so that our expectations were in line with the other's, but sometimes she just disregarded my wishes entirely. And the mess I cleaned up when she left was worse than all but a few of the messes my own child has made, and he's not a neatnik by any stretch of the imagination.


----------



## rachelmarie (Mar 21, 2005)

It's unbelievable that people can be so rude when they are guests in someone else's house. Luckily, we haven't had to deal with rude houseguests (yet).

Maybe it's just the way I was brought up, but when I'm a guest I am even more neat and clean than in my own house. My house isn't even messy, but I make sure to leave the bathroom/bedroom I stayed in/etc. at least the same as when I got there. I also make sure to offer help in cleaning up or cooking.

Anyway, I'd be furious to have houseguests who were totally messy and disrespectful.


----------

