# Can you Guys Help Me With This Complex Question



## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

I'm a firm believer in co-sleeping. I've slept with my parents a lot when I was a child. However, a friend informed me of something, and quite frankly, it angers and scares me.

I was told that Social Services, if ever called on me due to the vengence of someone for not agreeing with me and my parenting styles, as I have some who hate me for what I do, would have a serious problem with allowing my children to sleep in my bed. (Someone called them on my friend out of vengence, and told DSS that she could not parent her children on the basis of being blind, which is bull. Needless to say, the case was quickly closed after one investigation due to discrimination: but, she is ever so paranoid warning everyone and has every right to be.) I think that this is not only rediculous but do sort-of believe it, as Social Services does more harm than good. I hate them, as i went blind in their care as a child. They thought my parents were abusing me since i was smaller than normal. But, the reason i was smaller was because I was on a very restrictive diet so my eyes would not calcify. Needless to say, a social worker forcibly admitted me to a hospital and forced me to eat foods contrary to what was allowed. Hence, I'm now completely blind. It ended happily with the man quiting his job as he know he was wrong, and a doctor got me out of the situation after three days. But, I went blind two weeks later. It was too late. The story ends even happier now that I am living life and am the owner of my own company. Thankfully, i wasn't taken from my family altogether. In my case, this was just a temporary setback compared to the dammage this agency usually causes.

Naturally, I'm very much against DSS unless in extreme cases, where a child is being abused and I have a good attorney that will insure that the child's rights are actually protected and will not be ignored, as so often is the case. DSS is backwards in that they destroy good families and allow the bad to stay together while the child is being abused and even dies. I'm a member of www.fightcps.com and will do anything to not allow these monsters to wreck my family. However, I'd like to know if you all had any suggesions, as i will not be forced to parent in any way contrary to what I believe. My kids, my right!

Thanks so much to any who help.


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## Navy_Mommy (Sep 29, 2006)

I really don't know what to say. I had never heard of this.... I went to the website, and just finished watching a video of them taking a 2 day old baby girl... I'm near tears. I keep looking at my daughter... I don't know what I would do if someone had tried to take her from me. I think one of the only things I can think of is witnesses. Know of people who, maybe not a family friend for they may be 'biased' (what crap), would/could say how well the child is being taken care of. I'm horrified by what I just saw... I think back to when my mother helped cps take a child on her floor once. Granted, this case was completely different because the mother was still on hard drugs, and so was the baby.....I just can't believe how easy it was for that lady to just show up and take a baby............with nothing and for no reason...

I think I'm going to go cuddle my daughter now. My prayers are with any family that is dealing with this or might face this...


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

OH yes. That agency is corrupt, wich is why they cannot be trusted. I spread the word about the Fight CPS site as much as possible so that all know how to protect their families. This is why I asked the question if you all knew what to do if this ever happened. Perhaps, someone has information about protecting ones rights when it comes to this sort of thing?

Finally, I must leave off by saying to spread word about this site to any mother you know and care about. DSS must be exposed and stopped. They ruined my life and many others, and I can't bare to think of them laying hands on my family or anyone elses. Thank goodness I just went blind and did not lose my parents altogether. Some kids aren't that lucky. Some suffer so much dammage that by the time they actually do get help, it is too late, and the dammage is irreversable. I overcame my blindness: but some kids never overcome the trauma that this agency causes.


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## Picturesque (May 31, 2007)

We have always co-slept with DS. We love it. However, we recently set up a bed in his room. He is fascinated with it during the day, but has never slept in it, which is fine with me. The reason we chose to do this wasn't because we are afraid of DSS, it's because I always want co-sleeping to be a _choice_ for DS. If he has his own bed, then I know that he is with me because he wants to be there. The added bonus, though, is that if there were ever an occasion for someone to examine our sleeping arrangements, I could show DS's bed to that person and probably wouldn't even have to discuss our sleep choices.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

True, that is one way to handle it. Any other suggestions?


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## tuppence (Feb 18, 2005)

The only advice I've had from people I know who have dealings with DSS/etc is that they always had a crib set up (and used as a playpen or laundry hamper) so that if a caseworker came over, they'd have evidence that there was an "appropriate" place for the child to sleep.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

But, what if you were opposed to a child sleeping in his own crib, such as I am? Would they ever think of staying there to watch how you put your children to bed? If so, I could never deviate from what I believe. I could not ever practice CIO jus to please DSS. I don't want to cause the child any emotional harm for any period of time on the account of others.

What could i do? I feel that our rights as co-sleeping parents should be protected, not violated. An "appropriate" place to sleep is only a matter of opinion. IMO, the crib is not it. I want my children to sleep in the bed until THEY decide when it is time for them to leave. If they have to sleep there until adolescent years, I could care less. Nobody should be forced into doing things if not ready no matter the age.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

My children sleep in their own beds and have for a while. I've never done CIO. I would nurse them down and then place them in their beds.

As to avoid CPS, you could get a playpen and keep it up. They're great for keeping toys in.


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

As a former foster parent, our stipulation was that you can do whatever you want with your OWN children, but that you could not co-sleep with a foster child. I have never heard of cps removing a child due to co-sleeping or using that against a birth parent. I was always under the impression that it was because you just can't be sure what that child has been through or what type of abuse that child may have endured.
Its possible your friend may have been misinformed.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryLang* 
As a former foster parent, our stipulation was that you can do whatever you want with your OWN children, but that you could not co-sleep with a foster child. I have never heard of cps removing a child due to co-sleeping or using that against a birth parent. I was always under the impression that it was because you just can't be sure what that child has been through or what type of abuse that child may have endured.
Its possible your friend may have been misinformed.


Why could you not co-sleep with a foster child? This I do also know. I know it isn't allowed. Wouldn't atachment help an abused kid? How would thy suggest you get it to sleep? Please, i hope they don't suggest CIO. Wouldn't that be more dammaging since studies already prove that it causes mental issues and a broken will? What if the child eeds comfort in the middle of the night? What if the child can't sleep on his own?

My friend told me that when a social worker comes into the home, the child must have his own room separate from the parents and have an appropriate place to sleep. And she said that co-sleeping with adopted children is also strictly forbidden, and they do not care about the child needing comfort. She has had run ins with DSS based on crazy and false accusations.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

If you think CPS is a serious possibility, I'd cover your bases and provide cribs/beds. That doesnt mean you have to use them, but you are keeping up the appearance and the kids have the option. Otherwise, I'd keep your sleeping arrangements private and just carry on.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum* 
If you think CPS is a serious possibility, I'd cover your bases and provide cribs/beds. That doesnt mean you have to use them, but you are keeping up the appearance and the kids have the option. Otherwise, I'd keep your sleeping arrangements private and just carry on.


Wow, that is so sweet of you to offer such advice.

I'm not really scared of CPS. I just don't want them to have any chance of ruining my family just in case someone who does not agree with my AP parenting styles should call on me out of hate and vengence all because I won't practice or uphold something I'm not in agreement with, such as CIO or worse that they suggest. That is all I'm really worried about. I just want to protect my household.

Thanks again.


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## MaryLang (Jun 18, 2004)

I have never heard of any restrictions on adopted children, that doesn't make sense, once that child is adopted it is your child.
As for the foster kids, the majority of foster children I've come across have been sexually abused. I don't know what the statistics are on that, but you never know, and I believe the thinking is that a lot of time the abuse can happen in bedroooms, and the no-co-sleeping thing is sort of a safe guard preventing a lot of these memories to stir, ect...
I'm not saying I agree with the stipulation at all. But I have certainly never heard of a case where the bio parent was reprimanded for co-sleeping.

Also Britishmum is absolutely right, you can provide cribs/beds, and CPS will never know that you are still co-sleeping, although I seriously doubt this is even an issue.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

we delt with DES twice once when DD was an infant and FTT because of undiagnoised medical issues and again at around 2 because of a nosey neighbor. Both times we were cosleeping the first it was her ONLY space. the investagators both times knew and were perfectly fine with it. Now that doesn't guartee all would but co sleeping is not illegal sometime child services can place a negitive vibe on cosleeping because there also dealing with a parent who drinks heavily or does drugs making the risks of cosleeping high. THats diffrent from being against colseeping. SOme workers yes just have there own agenda but I wouldn't allow that to scare you.

Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

Why could you not co-sleep with a foster child? This I do also know. I know it isn't allowed. Wouldn't atachment help an abused kid? How would thy suggest you get it to sleep? Please, i hope they don't suggest CIO. Wouldn't that be more dammaging since studies already prove that it causes mental issues and a broken will? What if the child eeds comfort in the middle of the night? What if the child can't sleep on his own?
do 't know about all of that but I'm assuming there refering to a stitualtion where the child is comming from a sexually abusive home cosleeping may be counter productive (for lack of better word) some sexually abuse children will even seek out the touch and such and while "your" cosleeping intentions would be totally pure the child might not be able to seperate it. To be fair not cosleeping doesn't need to equal CIO one can co room sit beside child hold till calm ect.

Deanna


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

You guys are so amazing!







From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much for taking the time to address my concerns. Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me. I am grateful for your patience.


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## eggsandpancakes (Oct 16, 2007)

I only know about 5 people who have had dealings with CPS. out of those, 4 had things going on that I considered problems, and CPS didn't give a rat's tail if the parents slept with the kids. It was the drug use, inappropiate care-givers, lack of food and sanitation, etc.
The household that did have false accusations? A home inspector showed up at random, talked to the parents, met the kid and wandered through the house. She made a comment about emptying the cat box more frequently, then left.
My point? If you have nothing to hide, CPS doesn't mess with you.


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## abharrington (Jun 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
But, what if you were opposed to a child sleeping in his own crib, such as I am? Would they ever think of staying there to watch how you put your children to bed? If so, I could never deviate from what I believe. I could not ever practice CIO jus to please DSS. I don't want to cause the child any emotional harm for any period of time on the account of others.

well, co-sleeping and CIO are not the only 2 options. dd now sleeps on her own but we have NERVER allowed her to CIO. we still parent her to sleep. now that just means laying down with her in her bed until she is alseep. when she was younger, it was nursing in our bed.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryLang* 
As a former foster parent, our stipulation was that you can do whatever you want with your OWN children, but that you could not co-sleep with a foster child. I have never heard of cps removing a child due to co-sleeping or using that against a birth parent. I was always under the impression that it was because you just can't be sure what that child has been through or what type of abuse that child may have endured.
Its possible your friend may have been misinformed.

with foster children that are old enough to have been sexually abused and remembered it, they are no longer infants. it is not as safe to cosleep with a child that is not biologically your own, just like it is not as safe to cosleep when under the influence of tobacco, etOH or drugs. If you are fostering a newborn or infant, could you not cosleep but just not bed-share? a basinette or playpen in the same room would allow you to be attentive all night and feed on demand while still being as safe as possible.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom* 
...To be fair not cosleeping doesn't need to equal CIO one can co room sit beside child hold till calm ect.

Deanna

yes...this is what i was thinking. we lay down with dd until she is asleep. no CIO and she still sleeps in her own bed and room.

i agree with PP's...have some sort of separate bed but dont' use it if you and dc don' want to.


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## JoyFilled (Sep 12, 2008)

I think if we suggested that our 7 year old foster son sleep with us on the first night he came into our home that would have been weird and probably would have frightened him. I slept on the floor in his room to reassure him and we have not had any sleeping problems since.

We had a 12 month old boy who would not sleep in a play pen and he slept in our bed and I told Social Services and they had no problems.

There are rural communities around us and their families all sleep in the livingroom on a mattress and the social workers here had no problem returning the kids there once the parents had finished rehab.

So I don't think you have anything to worry about.


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## gkb2215 (Jan 21, 2008)

Your experience with CPS as a child sounds awful, and you have my sympathy.

However, I seriously doubt that DSS/CPS would ever interfere upon allegations of co-sleeping. More often--as I've seen in my experience as a professional working with other similar agencies--CPS fails to intervene in dire situations in which a child is unquestionably being abused. No matter how awful the reports of abuse they receive, they require corroboration from multiple witnesses and there is plenty of bureaucratic red tape to navigate.


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