# "Quiet your baby or get off the bus"



## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Have you ever heard of this?! I was on the bus yesterday with all three kids (8,4.5 and 15 mos) and the baby was fussing a bit (upset that she couldn't walk around). So, after a couple of glares in our direction (and telling my daughter to "stop crying" and "shhhhhh") the driver actually pulled over and told me that if I couldn't make the baby stop crying we would have to get off the bus (she wasn't even at a stop). I asked her if she's really allowed to do that for a crying baby, which she ignored, and she started driving again.

I didn't want to get off- it was HOT out, the kids were hungry, there was a 45 min wait for the next bus, our transfers were about to expire (which were $3.50) and we still had 10 or so miles to go. So I stand up, with the baby. I'm rocking her and singing, trying to calm her down while the driver glares at us until I finally decided that it wasn't safe to stand (there were a lot of turns/curves) so we get off.

By this point I'm in tears, my 8 yr old is asking why she (the driver) was acting like that and the 4 yr old is crying because she was asleep on the bus and had to wake up abruptly.

The whole situation really bothered me, mostly because I felt like we were being attacted for something that she should know how to handle (as many other drivers do).

Am I in the wrong on this? I'm feeling really bothered and upset, but I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing (if that's what it is)..










(the next driver was surprised at the situation and let us ride for free..







)


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I don't know anything about bus policy, but that doesn't sound right at all.








I'm so sorry that happened.


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## Karamom (Mar 26, 2007)

I'm so sorry that happened. That sounds awful! The driver defiantly should not have done that! He must not have any kids. I would be just as upset as you are.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

oh mama!!! i am so sorry you went thru that. i would definitely put in a complaint letter no matter what the policy was.

i was in your shoes once. with just one. and she was SCREAMING!!! powerful lungs. i could see everyone in the bus getting frazzled. wish i had thougth to bf her then. esp. a downs syndrome adult with i am sure sound sensitivities was making comments - which did not make me feel bad. however i was so embarresed. and yet being in a new city with a hour wait for the next bus i stuck out.

no one said a word. i would have understood if i had been asked to leave the bus. i could see how my dd's screaming could make the driver be distracted enough to drive unsafe.

the way she reacted sounds like she had something personal. either she was too sound sensitive, or it brought up some crisis memory or something was off. i mean how could she even think of letting you off at a nonstop with 3 kids.


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

I used to be a city bus driver and driver supervisor. That driver's behavior was absurd and if I had heard about it from a passenger the driver would have been reprimanded. Please call the bus company and complain.


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## Sol_y_Paz (Feb 6, 2009)

You are not the only person to have a crying baby on a bus







I can't believe the treatment. I would report it as well. No telling how many people that bus driver attempts to make feel horrible just because they have fussy infants and babies. And with you having other children and being forced to get off at a place that isn't a stop in the heat, that isn't safe or realistic. This makes me upset for you!


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## Kappa (Oct 15, 2007)

I've never heard of such a thing. I think he should be fired for not accommodating a Mom with an infant.


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beru* 
I used to be a city bus driver and driver supervisor. That driver's behavior was absurd and if I had heard about it from a passenger the driver would have been reprimanded. Please call the bus company and complain.











i was once on the city bus with a man screaming (yes screaming) about Jesus. a few people complained but the driver said there wasn't anything she could do.

people are so selfish sometimes


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Thank you soooo much! I am absolutely writing a letter- which I wanted to wait on until I heard some other opinions. Even my right-wing babies.should.be.seen.and.not.heard grandparents thought it was horrible- my grandma was even calling her siblings to tell them about it







)

I'm glad I'm not crazy for thinking that was absurd, and strange.

the driver was a woman also..


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

That's horrible. I'm so sorry.

I was once on a bus when a women wanted to get off because her kids were acting up. It was late and the kids were obviously tired. She was really worried about bothering other people, but the bus driver and the entire bus convinced her to stay on.

I think it's fine to get off and get on the next bus if your kid needs to decompress, but that's your choice. As far as I know, drivers can only ask people to get off for safety issues or refusing to comply with transit policies.

Some people do find it very hard to function when a baby is crying though, even somebody else's baby. I don't know how upset your baby was, but she may have been finding it difficult to concentrate (the bus driver, not the baby).


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## j_p_i (Sep 9, 2008)

How awful! I'm glad the next driver let you ride for free, it certainly indicates that is *not* the policy! And I'm definitely glad you're writing a letter.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

I think it is totally ridiculous to try and force a mom with three kids off a bus at all, and especially with a long wait for the next one and OUTSIDE of a stop. That's not normal, pretty inhumane actually.

OTOH, I can understand that a baby's crying can distract a driver to the point of making them an unsafe driver, and a danger for all the passengers and other drivers. If that were the case, she should definitely have approached the issue differently. Also, don't bus drivers get trained not to be distracted?


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Oh you poor, darling woman. OH!! That sounds terrible...for you and the kids.

This is unacceptable. How does this driver know, that you even know where you ARE? How are you supposed to get home? A FORTY-FIVE minute WAIT? With three kids, are you JOKING?

I would be on the phone with the Bus Company ASAP.







:


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

Do you have a local newspaper? I would contact somebody to see is they would be interested in covering your story. Short of that, I would find out the name of the driver, or at least write a detailed letter to the transit authority indicating what happened, where and when and politely demand to know what they intend to do about it.


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## JD5351 (Sep 13, 2008)

How awful. You can't be the FIRST person on her bus with a crying baby! Does she make them all get off?

I'm glad you made it home ok.


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## vegemamato (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AverysMomma* 
Oh you poor, darling woman. OH!! That sounds terrible...for you and the kids.

This is unacceptable. How does this driver know, that you even know where you ARE? How are you supposed to get home? A FORTY-FIVE minute WAIT? With three kids, are you JOKING?

*I would be on the phone with the Bus Company ASAP*.







:

I called while still on the bus (standing, of course). The recording said to call back mon-fri









I did have the balls to ask her for her bus ID number (which WAS posted).. I wanted her to KNOW what was going on though









I'll send an email tomorrow morning and call by afternoon (if I don't get a response)..


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## oakparkveggie (May 7, 2004)

That is awful!!!







ITA that it is a good idea to call or send a letter. Hopefully the driver will get reprimanded and not do it again.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Oh my, that's awful, I hope she hears it from her supervisor.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

It made the local paper when it happened over here: the mum was heavily pregnant with a screaming toddler, and ended up with a 2 mile walk (uphill) late in the day. The driver is within her rights to do it, but it is poor service and generally really is the last resort. If I read it right, though, it was you that finally made the decision to get off, right?

As a veteran bus user with littluns, though, please don't put yourself in that situation again. Snacks, toys, whatever it takes to keep the baby quiet.


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

WHAT?!?! That sounds VERY wrong to me.

I live in SF, though, and there are usually FAR more annoying (and louder) sounds than a baby crying; if they don't stop the train to kick off the people with boomboxes or screaming obscenities into their cellphones, I don't think they'd do that here for a baby.

Did you happen to catch the bus number and/ or the driver's name? If so, register a complaint. That is utterly ridiculous and I really don't think it's even legal.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

It's a bus, not a movie theater. Oh no. Someone might not get to fully enjoy their $4 ride on public transportation because a baby was crying. The horror. I'm pretty hard core about not taking kids in kid unfriendly places and removing mine when she's ruining someone else's experience (a special event or something they paid for) but it's TRANSPORTATION. No one is going to NOT get where they were going because of one crying baby.

I've been flashed, groped, threatened, and preached at and cussed at on public transportation and no one made anyone go anywhere. I fail to see how a crying baby is any worse than any of those.


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Man, I've seen and heard 100 times worse on a bus, and never have I seen someone be asked to leave the bus. I can't imagine being in your situation. If I had been on that bus with you I would have stood up for you! That just doesn't seem right to me


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## griffin2004 (Sep 25, 2003)

If the driver was so distracted, maybe he could have asked you to take the kids to the back of the bus rather than kick you off?

And honestly, as a busrider I would absolutely prefer to sit near a mom trying to comfort a fussy baby rather than a Don Juan wannabe recounting his sexual conquests at 8 million decibels on his cell phone.


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## Swan3 (Aug 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
I asked her if she's really allowed to do that for a crying baby, which she ignored, and she started driving again.

She ignored it because she knows it's probably illegal. Seriously I am soooooo sorry you went through this. HORRIBLE!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 

Am I in the wrong on this? I'm feeling really bothered and upset, but I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing (if that's what it is)..










(the next driver was surprised at the situation and let us ride for free..







)

Please don't let this go, send in a complaint with the details of when and where you were travelling, the description of the busdriver and let them know you expect a response. This is bullying.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Definitely complain - she was really out of line.

I only got my driver's license four years ago, which means I got around primarily on public transportation until I was 37. I've heard lots of babies cry on buses, and they've never been kicked off. The only people I've seen kicked off buses were a drunk couple having a loud fight over her welfare cheque (peppered with plenty of profanity and culminating with her throwing the cheque on the floor and telling everyone on the bus to help themselves), a couple of incidents of teenagers getting into physical fights, one drunk who was verbally sexually abusing a female passenger (me, as it happens - he was about 60, and I was about 16)...and 2 or 3 people who became verbally abusive to the driver over being expected to pay their fares, and who weren't allowed to board at all.

I've _never_ seen a driver throw somebody off for having a crying baby. I think other passengers would generally be horrified. (I do remember one driver who saw me running for the bus, carrying ds1, my purse, my diaper bag, and my briefcase...and he waited for me, instead of pulling out.)


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## Barefoot~Baker (Dec 25, 2008)

That is SO wrong!!!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beru* 
I used to be a city bus driver and driver supervisor. That driver's behavior was absurd and if I had heard about it from a passenger the driver would have been reprimanded. Please call the bus company and complain.

I was a driver too. and that's totally crazy. Call the bus company and complain. If your city has a transit authority, call them as well.







:


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

In NYC, a bus driver can not let a passenger off the bus at a non-bus stop if the passenger requests it. It is considered a safety issue. I'm also pretty sure they can't throw anyone off a bus or train without calling the transit police (though I guess most cities don't have a whole special police force just for transportation.)

I can't imagine that most bus companies would allow a driver to discharge unwilling passengers at non-stops without good reason.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

That would really bug me too, but on the other hand, if the driver really was so annoyed/distracted by a crying/fussing baby that they felt they couldn't drive safely, then it's good that they did pull over, better to be rude than to cause a huge accident...but, I'd think bus drivers would be able to deal with that sort of thing, so I'm not sure I want to be on a bus with a driver so easily distractable at all! So all in all, maybe a good thing, safety wise, for you.


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

Anywere on your ticket that YOU PAID FOR did it say you may only ride if you baby was not fussing or crying? i bet not!

I would call and state your store. NOT OK IN MY BOOK! i would have totally stud up for you mama if i was on that bus! what a shame!!!!


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## accountclosed2 (May 28, 2007)

Complain. There may be nothing you can do. As a nanny I have certainly been on a bus with a screaming baby in the past. I do think that sort of think is something drivers need to be able to deal with - you are not breaking any laws or going against company policy.

I have been on a bus where the driver stopped and refused to go any further. But that was because a drunk woman was standing next to the driver screaming obscenities in her ear, and the driver couldn't take it anymore (it was actually quite bad, I was in tears at the end, and I wasn't the only one who chose to leave the bus and walk home rather than wait on the bus for a replacement bus and driver. However, that situation was scary, very scary, and I think the driver did the responsible thing. Not at all like your situation.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AislinCarys* 
I do think that sort of think is something drivers need to be able to deal with - you are not breaking any laws or going against company policy.

Ohh, just for the record, I completely agree that I think a crying baby is something bus drivers should be able to deal with... BUT, if my particular driver on some day can't deal with that, I'd much much prefer he pulls over and kicks me off the bus than causes an accident because of it...


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## RoseDuperre (Oct 15, 2007)

I totally agree with everyone on contacting the bus company, and I REALLY feel that driver should be seriously penalized if not fired.

But I also agree with this:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vancouver Mommy* 
Do you have a local newspaper? I would contact somebody to see is they would be interested in covering your story.

So, I think you should proceed as you're planning with an email and then a follow-up call to the bus company - and do remember that tomorrow is Memorial Day, so give them that extra time - BUT! If you don't hear back from them in a timely way AND get a satisfactory response, then you _absolutely_ should go straight to the press. Alternative weeklies are especially fond of this kind of tale, but a regular paper would do, too.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

It doesn't sound like this is appropriate bus policy. I think you should call the company and ask so you know for next time.


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## PaigeC (Nov 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kappa* 
I've never heard of such a thing. I think he should be fired for not accommodating a Mom with an infant.









:

That is horrible and rude. Please call and complain.


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## Lizbiz (Jun 15, 2008)

I take public transportation all the time here with my 21 month old. I live in China, in a very noisy city, and that would NEVER happen here. Every person on the bus would have thrown a fit at the driver for doing that to a mother with 3 children (which would be very very rare here anyway). The traditions here are dif't - on the bus - people leap up to give me their seat when I get on with my toddler, even the oldest of men and women (who could probably use the seat more than I), and everyone helps to keep the baby happy on the bus (which is sometimes a little much in a way







but mostly really welcome help with a very busy toddler boy).

I think you should complain. Big time. The bus driver should be able to handle it. If it was a safety issue for her not being able to focus, fine pull over and take a break... perhaps try to help calm the child, but don't threaten to kick you off the bus. If she can't handle this kind of distraction, then being a city bus driver doesn't seem to be the right profession. I'm sure much worse happens on city buses!

And, a PP said you ought to be more prepared with toys, snacks, etc. and not let that happen again. I didn't look at their signature to see if they had children yet (or have had a toddler yet!), but sometimes, really - no matter how prepared you are, your child can have a meltdown and you can't do much about it - no matter how awesome your toys and snacks are. I'm sure you were prepared as any mother is. Sometimes you can't predict what a 15 month old will do!

So sorry you had to go through this! Definitely complain, but then let it go - I'd bet it'll never happen again to you.


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## Materfamilias (Feb 22, 2008)

:


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## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:

OTOH, I can understand that a baby's crying can distract a driver to the point of making them an unsafe driver, and a danger for all the passengers and other drivers. If that were the case, she should definitely have approached the issue differently. Also, don't bus drivers get trained not to be distracted?
Yeah, and if a person is so easily distracted by noise, then probably "city bus driver" isn't really the right occupation for them.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

I hope you will update us once you have filed a formal complaint.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

omg poor mama and babies. i would raise some serious serious stink about the way that driver treated you and your children. call the newspaper and tv station, and DEFINITELY call the bus HQ and speak the the supervisors. that's inexcusable.


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## accountclosed2 (May 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lizbiz* 
And, a PP said you ought to be more prepared with toys, snacks, etc. and not let that happen again. I didn't look at their signature to see if they had children yet (or have had a toddler yet!), but sometimes, really - no matter how prepared you are, your child can have a meltdown and you can't do much about it - no matter how awesome your toys and snacks are. I'm sure you were prepared as any mother is. Sometimes you can't predict what a 15 month old will do!

I agree. As a nanny before DD was born, and not driving I relied on public transport (still do







). I was a much more well-prepared nanny than I've ever been as a mum







: . We were always on time, had back-up plans etc, and I had bags packed with full lunch boxes, extra snacks just in case, water bottles, books, extra clothes, toys... (With DD I've been known to leave the house without any extra nappies and no snacks, forgetting my own jacket or DD's shoes). But there have been many times I've been stuck with a crying or screaming baby or toddler in my arms on a bus or train. Don't worry. It happens. Sometimes there is really nothing you can do.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

It was me that suggested that preparation and distraction is key. I have four kids and one on the way, and until recently I've been taking a 3yo and a 1yo for a 3 mile journey by bus four times daily to do the school run (for the 8 and 10yo), plus using buses for every single aspect of our daily transportation needs. Oh, and yes, we've done the long haul journeys (up to 60 miles) too. SOMETIMES there is nothing you can do. But if there is nothing you can do twice, then you can bet your bottom dollar that the third time there is nothing you can do you will have an embarrassing conversation with the driver and possibly end up walking home. Bus drivers do remember their customers, and if you get a reputation as the woman with the badly behaved kids it will stick for a long time.


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## accountclosed2 (May 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
It was me that suggested that preparation and distraction is key. I have four kids and one on the way, and until recently I've been taking a 3yo and a 1yo for a 3 mile journey by bus four times daily to do the school run (for the 8 and 10yo), plus using buses for every single aspect of our daily transportation needs. Oh, and yes, we've done the long haul journeys (up to 60 miles) too. SOMETIMES there is nothing you can do. But if there is nothing you can do twice, then you can bet your bottom dollar that the third time there is nothing you can do you will have an embarrassing conversation with the driver and possibly end up walking home. Bus drivers do remember their customers, and if you get a reputation as the woman with the badly behaved kids it will stick for a long time.

OK, well, I don't consider a crying, tired, over stimulated or what not baby badly behaved. And I have to say I have received sympathetic looks and sometimes comments on these occasions, so I never felt judged. I've felt a bit apologetic, yes, as I know how annoying constant crying is. Usually people would smile and say "You've got your hands full!" or "We've all been there" (middle aged men, actually) or offer to help me when I'm getting off. Bus drivers were generally un-helpful, but I think they've had a talking to, as they've been much more helpful and thoughtful in the last year or so. The train ticket collectors have always been very helpful and done what they can to entertain all children







!


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Some bus drivers are UAVs I'm sure, but some of them are moms. As a former bus driver I'm appalled that anyone was treated this way.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AislinCarys* 
OK, well, I don't consider a crying, tired, over stimulated or what not baby badly behaved. And I have to say I have received sympathetic looks and sometimes comments on these occasions, so I never felt judged. I've felt a bit apologetic, yes, as I know how annoying constant crying is. Usually people would smile and say "You've got your hands full!" or "We've all been there" (middle aged men, actually) or offer to help me when I'm getting off.

That's been my experience too.

Also, I realize some moms are just better moms than I am, and some children are just "better behaved" than my children, but when my kids are fussy, I have only occassionally found it was because I wasn't prepared with toys and snacks (snacks technically are not allowed on the bus anyway. though)...usually I am the flushing, flustered mama who is trying to figure out how to keep my crying child-- who is so fussy s/he is rejecting *all* the toys and snacks I am trying to entice him/her with-- from disturbing others without being disrespectful of either of us. Since when is a mother's effectiveness determined by whether her baby fusses? Because if that is a sign that someone surely couldn't have been well enough prepared, etc., than surely I have been a miserable failure as a mother a hundred times over.

I mean, sure I can imagine a mother somewhere ignoring her baby's fussing and not trying to get the baby calmed down (I've seen it on occassion...usually with a baby in a stroller and a distracted mother gabbing with friends, etc.), but *nothing* in the OP's post gave us any indication that this was the case here.

My mom doesn't drive, and never has, so I'm also a long-time public transportation rider...have been riding since childhood. For portions of my adult life I have lived car-free. While I have a car now, I do make it a point to continue riding buses.

And I too have never seen a mama and her children kicked off the bus. I too have seen my share of drunken and otherwise obnoxious behaviors, which have on rare occassion escalated to a driver threatening to boot someone from the bus (I can't recall if I've ever seen someone actually booted, though), but not ever a driver threatening to boot a family from the bus for a crying babe.

I agree with the poster who said that I'd much rather sit next to a mom with a crying baby she is trying to comfort than some guy talking on his cell phone about his sexual life at 8 million decibels. More and more, actually, the most obnoxious auditory-related behavior on buses that I am witnessing is outrageously *loud* (and I have hearing loss, so you know it has got to be LOUD if I am distracted by it) cell phone conversations. They are rarely "necessary" phone calls as far as I can tell...almost always folks just shootin' the breeze because they are bored or whatever. I wouldn't mind this if it didn't seem to require the cell phone user to totally shout into their phone.

Anyway, if someone wants to be a bus driver to make a living, they need to know that busses are loud places and that some riders will simply be distracting. It is not an appropriate profession for someone who is easily distracted or thrown by normal rider noise...and even, perhaps, semi-extreme rider noise. A baby crying falls within the realm of noises to expect.

A bus driver has every right to be treated with respect and courtesy in their job (though realistically there will be some issues at times), and to expect that riders won't harrass other riders, so I don't have trouble with a bus driver intervening when those situations arise. I also don't have a problem with a driver intervening when there is a safety issue related to voluntary adult behavior, or even involuntary adult behavior (mental illness, etc. related) if it is threatening.

But a crying baby? No, that is appalling. It is reasonable for riders who are paying for their fare to anticipate that the driver can handle normal noise from children. And in fact, even slightly "off" noise from children (for example, I have a kid with a disability that makes him scream unexpectedly, and I do *everything possible* to prevent this on the bus, but on the very rare occassion when it has happened, the drivers have hardly flinched...they sometimes look back to check if everything is okay, but I've never felt that safety was jeopordized. I generally sit in the back of the bus if there is room, just in case, so it won't be quite so loud for the driver...in most cases, it is very drowned out by the noise of the actual bus.).

It is NOT reasonable for the driver, who knows the next bus isn't coming for 45 minutes, to leave a passenger stranded with three young children when the passenger is trying to make reasonable accomodations to help her baby calm down. Maybe, maybe, *maybe* I could see if the next bus is expected in 10 or *maybe* even 15 minutes...as an absolute *last* resort, but in this case, no freakin' way!

Also, that should be done at a proper bus stop. It is never allowable to try to kick people off the bus anywhere they wish, and that likely is a huge violation of policy.

If a driver is (albeit unreasonably) distracted by the babe to the point of it being a safety issue, I agree with the poster who said in that case, driver should pull over, take a minute or two to calm down, turn on a radio if it is available, perhaps (politely) let the family know that the noise is a distraction and ask the family to move further from the driver. Asking the family to get off the bus, again for *normal* child sounds simply shouldn't occur to the driver to be an option.

OP, I am ssooo sorry that happened, and I hope you reporting it results in a satisfactory response, which would include better screening and training of drivers. Be specific in what you are asking for, what it is that you really believe would help you feel better about the whole incident...the driver being reprimanded, a review of hiring practices, a new or updated policy, training for drivers, a listing of "passenger rights" in every bus??

Keep in mind that if the driver anticipated that you might report, she may have already "spun" this incident to her supervisor. Make sure you come off as being the most reliable source of facts that you possibly can be...which means you should probably report the impact of the action as unemotionally as possible, while also making it clear how great of an imposition this was.

My best to you!


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

I hope you get a great response on tuesd.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *vegemamato* 
I asked her if she's really allowed to do that for a crying baby, which she ignored, and she started driving again.

Complain to the bus company. The fact that she started driving again means that she didn't have a leg to stand on. If she really had the authority to ask you to get off for a crying baby she would've told you she did and persisted in requesting that you leave the bus.


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

I am horrified for you.
I too am a lifetime bus rider and I've seen my share of crying babies and toddlers on the bus. If you don't have a car you still have to run errands and sometimes you don't have the option of leaving the kids at home with a partner. Sometimes you've been out too long and the baby is just cranky and overtired and won't nurse, doesn't respond to rocking or bouncing and just cries. Sometimes you have a collicky baby who will just cry for no reason at all. If you have a car, your collicky baby bothers no one but you. But if you have to ride the bus, it sucks for everyone involved. But a Mom who has no car in that situation has no choice. It's not her fault she has to be out doing her errands, it's not her fault the baby is cranky and it's not her fault that she has to take the bus to get home.
My baby is incredibly easy going and almost never cries. But still we've had an episode or two of crying on the bus because I kept us out during nap time. With waiting and travel time and missing buses sometimes it takes a lot longer to do things than I'd expected. No one has ever been anything but sympathetic to me when my baby was crying and didn't calm to anything I tried.
Expecting a baby never to cry on the bus is totally unrealistic IMHO. It's just like expecting a baby to never cry in the car.
The bus driver should be able to deal with crying babies. If not, she's in the wrong line of work.

Please let us know what the transit commission says. Leaving a Mom and three kids stranded, waiting 45 minutes in the heat is absolutely apalling.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

I too think it was totally out of line for the driver to tell you to get off the bus.

However, i bet that when you complain, the bus driver will make the point that he did NOT "kick you off the bus", he'll probably say he just asked if you needed to get off (even though we know thats not true)...and because you *chose* to get off the bus (you posted that you were standing trying to quiet your baby, and thought it was unsafe to stand, so you asked to be let off)....its not really a case of "bus driver tosses poor mom w/ kids off the bus in the middle of nowhere" yknow? While i totally support you, i fear this will just get swept under the rug because ultimately it was you who decided to leave the bus. Now, if the bus driver pulled over and said he would not continue until you left, that would be a bigger issue.

Katherine


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## beru (Nov 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cinder* 
Ohh, just for the record, I completely agree that I think a crying baby is something bus drivers should be able to deal with... BUT, if my particular driver on some day can't deal with that, I'd much much prefer he pulls over and kicks me off the bus than causes an accident because of it...

As I said before, I was a bus driver and bus supervisor. In that situation, if a driver was distracted to the point of feeling unsafe, then yes, he or she should stop driving. But that doesn't mean kicking the family off the bus! Others have suggested good ideas: take a minute pulled-over to regroup (while tactfully informing the passengers why), politely ask the family to move to the rear of the bus, or call a supervisor and ask to be relieved. If I was driving and did ask a family to move to the back of the bus I would do so extremely apologetically. Like, "I am so sorry that this is affecting me so much but it might help me be less distracted if you move toward the back, etc."

During my 8 years driving buses (for a medium-sized transit authority), there were 3 occasions where drivers asked to be relieved when they felt they couldn't continue safely driving (not weather or equipment related). That is rare as it should be because they should know how to handle it.


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack* 
It was me that suggested that preparation and distraction is key. I have four kids and one on the way, and until recently I've been taking a 3yo and a 1yo for a 3 mile journey by bus four times daily to do the school run (for the 8 and 10yo), plus using buses for every single aspect of our daily transportation needs. Oh, and yes, we've done the long haul journeys (up to 60 miles) too. SOMETIMES there is nothing you can do. But if there is nothing you can do twice, then you can bet your bottom dollar that the third time there is nothing you can do you will have an embarrassing conversation with the driver and possibly end up walking home. Bus drivers do remember their customers, and if you get a reputation as the woman with the badly behaved kids it will stick for a long time.


This comment is full of "what?!?!".

I mean, really, a crying, baby who is over stimulated is a badly behaved child? REALLY?


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## fromtheheart (Jun 16, 2008)

I'm sorry that happened! I'm glad the next driver was more humane!


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## Perdita_in_Ontario (Feb 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teale* 
This comment is full of "what?!?!".

I mean, really, a crying, baby who is over stimulated is a badly behaved child? REALLY?

That's not actually what she said. She was saying that others may start to SEE the kids as badly behaved. Not that they were.


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## Anglyn (Oct 25, 2004)

I would still complain. Even if the op got off the bus of her own accord,it was because she was told to make the baby stop crying or get off. She coudnt make the baby stop crying so she got off. In my book, that wasnt really her choice, she was made to feel she didnt have any choice. A 45min wait for the next bus in the heat with three kids? Did they have water handy? Did they even know where they were at or where the next bus stop was? It wasnt SAFE!

Yep, I think the driver should be fired.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
That's been my experience too.

Also, I realize some moms are just better moms than I am, and some children are just "better behaved" than my children, but when my kids are fussy, I have only occassionally found it was because I wasn't prepared with toys and snacks (snacks technically are not allowed on the bus anyway. though)...usually I am the flushing, flustered mama who is trying to figure out how to keep my crying child-- who is so fussy s/he is rejecting *all* the toys and snacks I am trying to entice him/her with-- from disturbing others without being disrespectful of either of us. Since when is a mother's effectiveness determined by whether her baby fusses? Because if that is a sign that someone surely couldn't have been well enough prepared, etc., than surely I have been a miserable failure as a mother a hundred times over.

I mean, sure I can imagine a mother somewhere ignoring her baby's fussing and not trying to get the baby calmed down (I've seen it on occassion...usually with a baby in a stroller and a distracted mother gabbing with friends, etc.), but *nothing* in the OP's post gave us any indication that this was the case here.

My mom doesn't drive, and never has, so I'm also a long-time public transportation rider...have been riding since childhood. For portions of my adult life I have lived car-free. While I have a car now, I do make it a point to continue riding buses.

And I too have never seen a mama and her children kicked off the bus. I too have seen my share of drunken and otherwise obnoxious behaviors, which have on rare occassion escalated to a driver threatening to boot someone from the bus (I can't recall if I've ever seen someone actually booted, though), but not ever a driver threatening to boot a family from the bus for a crying babe.

I agree with the poster who said that I'd much rather sit next to a mom with a crying baby she is trying to comfort than some guy talking on his cell phone about his sexual life at 8 million decibels. More and more, actually, the most obnoxious auditory-related behavior on buses that I am witnessing is outrageously *loud* (and I have hearing loss, so you know it has got to be LOUD if I am distracted by it) cell phone conversations. They are rarely "necessary" phone calls as far as I can tell...almost always folks just shootin' the breeze because they are bored or whatever. I wouldn't mind this if it didn't seem to require the cell phone user to totally shout into their phone.

Anyway, if someone wants to be a bus driver to make a living, they need to know that busses are loud places and that some riders will simply be distracting. It is not an appropriate profession for someone who is easily distracted or thrown by normal rider noise...and even, perhaps, semi-extreme rider noise. A baby crying falls within the realm of noises to expect.

A bus driver has every right to be treated with respect and courtesy in their job (though realistically there will be some issues at times), and to expect that riders won't harrass other riders, so I don't have trouble with a bus driver intervening when those situations arise. I also don't have a problem with a driver intervening when there is a safety issue related to voluntary adult behavior, or even involuntary adult behavior (mental illness, etc. related) if it is threatening.

But a crying baby? No, that is appalling. It is reasonable for riders who are paying for their fare to anticipate that the driver can handle normal noise from children. And in fact, even slightly "off" noise from children (for example, I have a kid with a disability that makes him scream unexpectedly, and I do *everything possible* to prevent this on the bus, but on the very rare occassion when it has happened, the drivers have hardly flinched...they sometimes look back to check if everything is okay, but I've never felt that safety was jeopordized. I generally sit in the back of the bus if there is room, just in case, so it won't be quite so loud for the driver...in most cases, it is very drowned out by the noise of the actual bus.).

It is NOT reasonable for the driver, who knows the next bus isn't coming for 45 minutes, to leave a passenger stranded with three young children when the passenger is trying to make reasonable accomodations to help her baby calm down. Maybe, maybe, *maybe* I could see if the next bus is expected in 10 or *maybe* even 15 minutes...as an absolute *last* resort, but in this case, no freakin' way!

Also, that should be done at a proper bus stop. It is never allowable to try to kick people off the bus anywhere they wish, and that likely is a huge violation of policy.

If a driver is (albeit unreasonably) distracted by the babe to the point of it being a safety issue, I agree with the poster who said in that case, driver should pull over, take a minute or two to calm down, turn on a radio if it is available, perhaps (politely) let the family know that the noise is a distraction and ask the family to move further from the driver. Asking the family to get off the bus, again for *normal* child sounds simply shouldn't occur to the driver to be an option.

OP, I am ssooo sorry that happened, and I hope you reporting it results in a satisfactory response, which would include better screening and training of drivers. Be specific in what you are asking for, what it is that you really believe would help you feel better about the whole incident...the driver being reprimanded, a review of hiring practices, a new or updated policy, training for drivers, a listing of "passenger rights" in every bus??

Keep in mind that if the driver anticipated that you might report, she may have already "spun" this incident to her supervisor. Make sure you come off as being the most reliable source of facts that you possibly can be...which means you should probably report the impact of the action as unemotionally as possible, while also making it clear how great of an imposition this was.

My best to you!

Radios are generally not allowed.
It is acceptable for a driver to pull over to calm themselves, and people can be kicked off for fighting, swearing, being drunk, things of that nature.
Throwing someone off for their baby crying is insane.

There is a huge difference between someone deliberately creating a disturbance and a baby crying.


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## dido1 (Aug 12, 2004)

I had an experience with a bus driver on our route some years ago, when my son was threeish. He liked to sit up front so he could watch the driver. At one particular stop, the bus drivers changed shifts. I've always made him sit on his bum when sitting in the front and explained the importance of not fidgeting or talking to loudly so as not to distract the driver, and for the most part he's always been great about that. However, at that particular stop, he would kneel up and look out the window to watch the bus drivers chat as they changed over. One driver YELLED at me to "Make him sit down properly!". This was while the bus was at a FULL STOP and after my son had asked my permission to kneel on the seat to look out the window at the other driver. The first time, I ignored the driver, the second time, I firmly told him that my son had my permission to kneel to look out the window when the bus was stopped. The third time, I told him not to raise his voice at me or my child. Then I called the bus company. I didn't phrase it as a complaint, but asked for a clarification of their policy on how kids should sit while on the bus. The person I spoke to was very apologetic and told me that while ideally kids would sit on their bums and only talk quietly, they are happy if your kids are holding on to something and not running up and down the bus. The driver was reprimanded and glared at me for days afterwards.

Even if the OP decided herself to exit the bus, it was only AFTER that UAV driver made a scene and suggested that getting off was necessary if the baby continued to fuss. I hope the OP got a satisfactory response from the transit authority and that the driver in question finds a new job.


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## ell (Jan 3, 2009)

Yeah, that is way out of line. I'd be complaining to the bus company and the media fo sho.


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## bigeyes (Apr 5, 2007)

At our bus company we were told to insist people sit facing forward, for example, so someone wouldn't get their head slammed into the the front of a seat in an accident and sue us because of a neck injury.

There are reasons for certain rules.







Of course, I'm of the opinion if you get in a wreck in a bus you're pretty much screwed since there aren't seatbelts.

Our supervisors would review tapes from the cameras that ran on all the buses and we got in trouble if they saw people riding on our buses sitting facing backwards for any length of time, because that meant we didn't say anything to them about it.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

I would write a letter of complaint. The bus driver was rude and inappropriate. Babies cry. People have to get over it. On our flight to Jamaica the couple behind us had a 6 month old who cried throughout the entire flight. I was shocked at the number of people rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth. It's a baby. They cry. People need to get over it.


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## Cinder (Feb 4, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beru* 
As I said before, I was a bus driver and bus supervisor. In that situation, if a driver was distracted to the point of feeling unsafe, then yes, he or she should stop driving. But that doesn't mean kicking the family off the bus! Others have suggested good ideas: take a minute pulled-over to regroup (while tactfully informing the passengers why), politely ask the family to move to the rear of the bus, or call a supervisor and ask to be relieved. If I was driving and did ask a family to move to the back of the bus I would do so extremely apologetically. Like, "I am so sorry that this is affecting me so much but it might help me be less distracted if you move toward the back, etc."

During my 8 years driving buses (for a medium-sized transit authority), there were 3 occasions where drivers asked to be relieved when they felt they couldn't continue safely driving (not weather or equipment related). That is rare as it should be because they should know how to handle it.

I am no way defending the driver, I think this is something worth getting fired over. I'm just saying that I'd much prefer the driver let me know they are distracted to the point of not feeling safe driving than continuing on! This obviously isn't the job that particular person should be doing!


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## teale (Feb 20, 2009)

Quote:

Bus drivers do remember their customers, and if you get a reputation as the woman with the badly behaved kids it will stick for a long time.
Since we're on the internet, and a lot of words are open to interpretation, this jumped out at me as "crying baby= "badly behaving kids".

Seriously though, since when did a crying baby trump your right to ride public transportation. What about when people talk loudly on their cell phones? I don't want to hear that, but I have to. It just seems like a silly thing to get mad at a child or a mother because they are in a confined space, where their actions need to be controlled or highly monitored for safety reasons.


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