# sex after birth - still hurts after 9 weeks - normal?



## KLM99 (Aug 9, 2007)

Sorry if this is TMI, but it still really hurts to have sex 9 weeks after the birth of my daughter. I really do want to, my husband is very patient with me, and I did finally go out and get some lube - but it's just not enjoyable. I was so excited for the 6-week mark, since that's what they drill into you that you can do it after that...so now I feel like it's abnormal to still have pain after that week. Anyone else having trouble?


----------



## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Everyone is different, but it took me 6 months to be able to actually enjoy sex again the first time, and 4 months the second time. Probably not what you want to hear, but there it is.


----------



## AugustLia23 (Mar 18, 2004)

Did you tear and or were you sutured? both can have a big affect. Also we all heal so differently. Both times I was fine at 4 weeks when _I_ was ready to get back in the sack.


----------



## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I've never had a vaginal birth, but after my last section, it was about six months before sex stopped being painful....and probably a year before I actually started to enjoy it again. With my second section, it only took a few weeks.

I think "normal" is fairly meaningless on this one - the amount of time before it stops hurting varies so wildly from one mom to another. I have a friend who forced herself to wait two weeks, and could barely stand that!


----------



## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

Sex was painful for me until about 4 month, and not comfortable and enjoyable until about 6 months. I made a post similar to this one somewhere in there. Now at nearly 14 months it is better than it ever was pre-pregnancy.

I found that lube made a huge difference, and the kind of lube really can have a big effect. I do still often need to use it. I finally caved and bought some firefly lube (http://www.fireflylubricant.com/). It was so much better than KY or Astroglide that it isn't even funny. If only I had the guts to hand it out as a new baby gift









FWIW, I had a fourth degree tear, so that's probably why it took me so long.


----------



## Rosie_Kate (Dec 6, 2005)

I know you don't want to hear these kind of answers... It hurt for 8-9 months for me. I don't know why... it just hurt. At about 11 months, everything clicked and I started enjoying it again. Up until then, I just put up with it. My DH was patient and gentle and very understanding, so that helped.

It gets better... eventually. Chances are, it won't take nearly that long for you. 9 weeks is not at all abnormal.


----------



## Beppie (Oct 24, 2005)

Sex hurt for me until 6 months, and it was extremely uncomfortable even past one year. But I attribute both of these things to the episiotomy that I had. I still feel soreness in my perineum on occasion.

Now I'm anticipating my second child's birth in December. I'm planning a homebirth now, whereas I had a midwife-attended hospital birth the first time around. I'm hoping things go differently this time around.


----------



## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

More of the same from me. I did tear and had stitches. I honestly don't remember when it stopped being painful and started just being uncomfortable, but I think that was around 6 months. I know that sounds bad, but there was good news too. About 11 months PP sex felt much BETTER to me then before pregnancy


----------



## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

Both babies I didn't even try til 3 months postpartum. Both times, it didn't hurt but wasn't fun either. At 8-10 months (when my period comes back), it gets a little more fun but not much. I'm hoping when I'm through BF'g I'll actually want sex again. We shall see.


----------



## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

I wasn't in pain at nine weeks but I wasn't loving it either. It was probably closer to 9 months before I was really getting into sex again. I did use lube and especially if you're BFing lube is really really important because the BFing hormones can leave you very dry. But nine weeks is still pretty close to six weeks. I wouldn't be too worried. I would however be doing kegels if you're not. Doing them can improve your muscle tone of course but also get blood flowing to the area to help with healing if your pain is in any way related to tearing/epis/stitches. Good luck.


----------



## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

It took 12-15 months for me after DS1. I had a heinous episiotomy, took forever to heal, and breastfeeding hormones kept things uncomfortable until DS night weaned. After that it was fine, maybe even better than pre-baby.


----------



## coobabysmom (Nov 16, 2005)

I have a number of 3rd degree tears with suturing and sex didn't feel good until about 9 mos.


----------



## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

We did not even try till eight months. It was fine. I am glad we waited . I know at nine weeks there was no way I was going to have sex. I think around six months would have been nice, but dh had to have his gall bladder removed in February and was told no sex until May.







:


----------



## RachelGS (Sep 29, 2002)

I had pain for months and months after my first child was born. It turned out that I had very low estrogen (which can be associated with breastfeeding). That caused the tissues to be very thin and easily chafed. An est-ring helped me greatly.


----------



## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

It has hurt with both my DD's for several months and I've had very easy births, no tearing. After that it doesn't hurt, but it's not enjoyable for several more months, DD2 is almost 1 and sex is just getting good again.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

i am on the opposite end. i had tearing, both *up* and *down*, needed stitches, but was ready for love at 2 wks pp.







: we had to go slow and use a little lube, but it was some of the most enjoyable sex i've ever had.









every woman and pp time is different. i would definitely talk your mw or hcp about it. a few women do have pain that is not necessarily "normal" childbirth realated pain from sex. it's better to check early, rather than let it go. most likely, the pain you are having is normal for *you*.

take care mama









and congratulations!


----------



## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

9 weeks pp, and still painful here too. I've tried a few times and it got better as we kept going, but the first few minutes aren't so great. (I know I'm super dry though (I'm guessing from BF, hope its temporary)







:.

I never used store bought lube, so I don't know how well that works, I always use Extra Virgin Olive Oil or pure coconut or almond oil. I find my sex drive has been low too, I think its from BF/lack of hormones/lack of sleep...but still, once I try and give it a little time, it usually feels good. hth!


----------



## kerikadi (Nov 22, 2001)

I would recommend a lot of self exploration







Trying different positions and maybe just doing oral and digits for a while.


----------



## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

It really can take a VERY long time...it took 10 MONTHS for me to be able to do it, and that was still with some pain..it was 18 months to be completely pain-free.


----------



## KLM99 (Aug 9, 2007)

Well all this comment is both discouraging and heartening at the same time - thanks to everyone! I guess I am well within the "normal" range of still having discomfort. Guess I'll just keep trying...


----------

