# Am I a totally mean mom....



## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Here's the thing- ds begged to be a Dove chocolate for Halloween this year. Begged. We tried to persuade him to choose something else, we took him to look at other costumes, etc. He insisted he wanted to be a Dove Chocolate. So I made him a costume. It cost about $10-15 to make. He loved it, he was so thrilled. He wore it to the zoo last weekend and enjoyed it.

Tonight he told me he doesn't want to be a Dove Chocolate for Halloween, that it was just for the zoo. He wants to be a mummy for Halloween







I fought the urge to tell him "no way- I made you a costume now you'll wear it whether you like it or not!"







I just listened while he pleaded his case but didn't say yes or no.

So.... would you make another costume? Tell him he has to wear the first? We gave him MANY chances to change his mind before I invested all that time into making the first one.


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## liberal_chick (May 22, 2005)

Personally, I'd tell him he made his choice and he can wear the costume he has or none at all.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

If it was me who had invested all the time and effort I would just say "sorry, that's what you chose, that's what I made. Next year you can choose to be a mummy". I'm certain he understood when you made the costume that it was intended for Halloween (not just the zoo).


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

:


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## Multimomma (Jan 25, 2008)

At age seven, I would say I would be happy to help, but he's old enough to make his own mummy costume, and I've already made one.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

At 7? Yeah, I wouldn't get/make another costume. If ds wanted to be a mummy, and I had an old sheet around, I might let him make a costume. Maybe- I wouldn't want to end up spending time on that one too.

Ds (6yo) wanted to get a ninja costume, on a whim. We told him that was it- we weren't buying another one. He's disappointed in it now (it doesn't have clothes with it, only the mask and sword thing), but he knows we aren't getting another one. I will, however, help him find clothes that will look good with it, probably from a thrift store.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I wouldn't make or buy another one either.


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## nola79 (Jun 21, 2009)

I'm with the other posters. I would not make or buy another one.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

The chocolate costume was pretty darn cute.







I'd tell him that you made him the costume he asked for. If he wants another one, he needs to make it himself out of recycled materials that you're about to get rid of. That usually works in our house--either Brandon gets really really creative and has fun with his recycled craft, or he decides that it's not worth the extra effort and goes with his original choice.







:


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## mkksmom (Mar 24, 2008)

For me, it would depend on how you feel about making another costume. I guess I'd end up doing it unless I loved the Dove chocolate costume too much. I'd just use white clothing and maybe pick up some crepe paper and wrap him up. If it were a more complicated costume, then forget it. But for something that would take me 10 minutes and maybe $5, I'd do it.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mkksmom* 
For me, it would depend on how you feel about making another costume. I guess I'd end up doing it unless I loved the Dove chocolate costume too much. I'd just use white clothing and maybe pick up some crepe paper and wrap him up. If it were a more complicated costume, then forget it. But for something that would take me 10 minutes and maybe $5, I'd do it.









:
But I'd see if I could sell the Dove costume now. Maybe donate it for a tax refund at the very least.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

You titled your thread "am I a totally mean mom?"

You are not being mean in telling your son that you used your time and energy to make him the costume he said he wanted, it came out really cute, and now he owes you a thank you.

The way he's acting right now, while completely age appropriate, isn't something you want to encourage. The way you allow him to treat YOU is also how you are teaching him to treat others.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

oh come on all you mean moms









there is only one halloween. how unfair is that for kids. they dont get to dress up really any more. and he is 7. pretty soon there will be NO halloween for him.

how can you not get him another costume? he's gotta be a mummy for that day.

dd has always had multiple halloween costume. i've got them cheap, cheap, cheap. i would do all i could to have her in different halloween costumes. however i refused to make her a 'piece of turd' costume, a boob and a nipple costume. i do have my limits.

but heck ya go for it.

does he not wear the costumes at other time?

we get quite an use for the costumes at ours.








knowing you steph i know you've already gotten the mummy costume.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl* 
If it was me who had invested all the time and effort I would just say "sorry, that's what you chose, that's what I made. Next year you can choose to be a mummy". I'm certain he understood when you made the costume that it was intended for Halloween (not just the zoo).

This!

But at the same time, if he comes up with a way to be a mummy on his own I would let his creatively fly.

Mummy's can be dollar store create paper or TP.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Well...

When DS was 6 he wanted to be Spiderman. He wanted the costume with the muscles







. He got it and was thrilled. Then it was time to wear it to school and he was adament he did not want to wear it to school. He thought people would make fun of him







(Note: this child is HORRIBLE at figuring out what people would make fun of--- he regularily wore kilts to preschool, had long hair for years and now has a mohawk in 3rd grade, etc... but thinks Spiderman will be looked at oddly







). But I wasn't going to buy or make another costume.

He ended up wearing an old Harry Potter costume of DD's







(which was hillarious because several kids asked him why he wasn't Spiderman like he said he was going to be AND didn't know who he was supposed to be







). So, I guess my answer is--- do you have another costume around the house? Do you have light shirt, light pants and bandages to fasten a costume together?

OR does he like to dress up a lot? We bought more than one costume some years simply because my kids really love to dress up!


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

I'm totally torn. LOL! On the one hand- I'm glad he's getting creative and learning to express what he wants (he has autism and both of those things are hard for him). I do want to encourage the creativity and expressiveness







On the other hand- I worked hard on that chocolate costume! LOL! I'll have to give it more thought. I might tell him he needs to make a mummy costume himself or wear the chocolate costume. Or maybe by tomorrow he'll totally forget about the mummy idea


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
I'm totally torn. LOL! On the one hand- I'm glad he's getting creative and learning to express what he wants (he has autism and both of those things are hard for him). I do want to encourage the creativity and expressiveness







On the other hand- I worked hard on that chocolate costume! LOL! I'll have to give it more thought. I might tell him he needs to make a mummy costume himself or wear the chocolate costume. Or maybe by tomorrow he'll totally forget about the mummy idea









You know, honestly I'm a push over. I would do the mummy costume if I could without freaking out. Then I'd just remember to be really clear next year that you only get to pick ONE costume.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'd totally give him a roll of toilet paper and some tape and tell him to knock himself out









-Angela


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Ds changed his mind like 10 times before deciding. I took him to the fabric store with me and told him that he gets ONE costume and he has to stick with it once he picks it.

So he is a parrot and thats that. He won the costume contest at the zoo! And he has to wear it for halloween too, I am NOT making 2 costumes like last year, I still have to make a costume for the dog so I dont have time.


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## lovepiggie (May 10, 2009)

I was infamous for doing that same thing as a child! My mom would always wait until the last minute before making me a costume.

I agree with some other PPs though. Get him a white sheet, and let him make his own mummy costume. I would help, because it would be a fun family activity, but don't do it all on your own and don't invest too much money into it.

Also, I'd love to see pictures of the chocolate costume! I went as a cookie one year


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## karanyavel (May 8, 2010)

We have the same problem over here, but the costume is bought rather than made. It's already been worn several times and can't be returned. Problem is, DD picked it on a whim, and now wishes she had waited and let me order something "cooler" online.

But we asked her several times if she was SURE this was the costume she wanted because she only gets one each year, and she said she was absolutely sure, so... she gets to wear what she bought, or nothing.

I don't like the costume (cheerleader) either, but money is an issue and I am way too inept to make a real costume. Although I made myself a zombie costume last year, but that was just shredding some old clothes and then rolling them in cocoa to look dirty.. LOL.

--K


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

No, I would not make him another costume. I would let this be a learning moment for him. This is one of those days where you can say "parenting is not for wimps."

If you have the supplies around the house, I would let him make his own, but I would not make another one for him.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

A mummy is so easy, and takes no effort or expense, so I'd get him to help, and just do it.

Dd was a mummy for her halloween party tonight. We ripped an old sheet into strips, and her big sister safety pinned it onto her over a white t shirt and pants. It was totally easy, and looked great. She did buy a little white mask to wear too - cost about $4, but you don't need to do that.

Honestly, I don't see the big deal. I think parents worry too much about spoiling a kid by 'giving in', and making them learn a lesson from these experiences, but I think if you are flexible you are teaching them a whole lot about love, compassion, and cooperation. Whose rule is it that you only have one costume? Don't adults often change their minds on something and resort to Plan B? I'd be clear with my child that I'd do it as it wasn't going to cost anything, but then go ahead and have fun with it.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'd totally give him a roll of toilet paper and some tape and tell him to knock himself out









-Angela

Yeah, I'd tell him that I'd made a costume, but he could make a mummy costume if he wanted, and here's some TP and tape for it. If I loved sewing and would have fun making another costume I might, but I would not feel obligated, and I personally don't like sewing and it would be an acheivement if I made instead of bought a costume in the first place.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

Because the mummy costume is so cheap and easy, yes, I'd make another costume.

One year we made cupcake costumes. It cost about about $70 for the supplies and took three adults a whole day to assemble. Last year we made butterfly costumes. Again, the supplies added up to at least $50 and it took DH and I a whole day to put them together. However, we always do this close to Halloween so there isn't time to change minds! I'd be super annoyed if I put that much effort in and the kids' changed their minds.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

I wouldn't, but I'm a mean mommy.

My little bro used to change his mind about halloween every.single.day in October leading up to halloween. My mom started buying his costume the Saturday before Halloween, and that was the final costume. Any ideas after that were a no-go.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

I might help him to make a mummy costume himself with whatever supplies you have on hand - old cheesecloth, an old sheet, TP etc. Chances are, it won't turn out as well as the Dove Chocolate (BTW, love it!) and he'll prefer the one you worked so hard on.

I recall one of my kids wanted to be a ghost one year. I didn't want to buy a sheet for the purpose and at the time, we didn't have plain white sheets. We figured out some other costume. Now that they don't dress up anymore, I kind of regret not indulging them on something that was pretty simple and could have been done for little extra expense.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

If he wanted something hard and expensive, I'd drag my heels and maybe say no. But a mummy? Dress him in PJs and wrap him up in a roll of streamers. We're talking a couple bucks and 10 minutes.

My ds has a tendency to not wear all of his costume once Halloween rolls around anyway (he is sensitive to uncomfortable clothes) so I know not to count on getting a good picture or him wearing the costume at any other time than when he first tries on the completed costume... I keep in mind that it is about him, not me. The point isn't to showcase my costume making talents, that's just a side benefit.


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Well I am currently making ds 3 halloween costumes because he keeps changing his mind on what he wants to be. I think it's great! I love making costumes, I love that he wants to dress up and I am not really spend any or very much money and everything will be able to be worn as regular clothes or dress up clothes (turtle, gnome and dangerous mouse)

So I'd either give him an old sheet (or get one at a thrift store for $1) or a roll of toliet paper and tell him that we could wrap him up. And he can always be a mummy who loves chocolate!

Btw I saw your dove chocolate costume in another thread and it's really great! But he *did* wear it, it's not like he chose it and refused to wear it at all.

How many Halloween things are you doing? You did the zoo, it seems like you are TOTing, is he also wearing something to school? That's 3 oppurtunities to wear costumes so he could switch back and forth.


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## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
I'd totally give him a roll of toilet paper and some tape and tell him to knock himself out









-Angela









This is my first thought. Maybe he can be a Dove Chocolate mummy. This is my inner Mean Mommy talking.

Seriously though, get a couple of old white bedsheets, rip them down (he can help with this), wrap him up the night of, and you are good to go. It will be fun to rip the sheets, and wrapping him won't take much time. If you want to be "Mean Mommy," you can always have him buy the sheets at the thrift store using his allowance money so that he's had to make an investment in the new duds.


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## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Without a photograph of your awesome DOVE costume how can we make this decision?

*impressed*


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## ImaSophie (Sep 5, 2010)

My kids have always dressed up differently depending on what different Halloween events we decide to go too. I buy one costume a year and then we make other costumes out of dress up things we have around the house.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
You titled your thread "am I a totally mean mom?"

You are not being mean in telling your son that you used your time and energy to make him the costume he said he wanted, it came out really cute, and now he owes you a thank you.

The way he's acting right now, while completely age appropriate, isn't something you want to encourage. The way you allow him to treat YOU is also how you are teaching him to treat others.

Yeah, it's not just about the costume..it's about being grateful to his NICE NOT MEAN mom for taking the time to make it for him and it's not like he looks like the kid in the commercial with the homemade Iron Man commercial...he needs to see that lol. I would love to see a picture of the Dove chocolate costume!!


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Darn it....I know it's a bad idea but you know how there are those monster cereals like Boo Berry with the ghost; Frankenberry with Frankenstein and Count Chocula with the vampire....you should turn it into some new Mummy chocolate thing...lol. Yes, I am insane.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

I'd make him a mummy costume. But that's just me, I love making costumes and have a particular fondness for mummys (ever since Halloween of '84 when I was The. Most. Awesome. Mummy. Ever. I was wrapped head to toe in white bandage cloth, and had fake blood dripping everywhere- I know- mummys don't bleed, but it was so darn cool to be 8 and NOT be dressed as a clown (again)







)

I'd make it, especially if he has a few different halloween events to go to.

I like the Dove chocolate too....your little guy sounds pretty neat to have thought of such an original : ) Is it big enough that it will fit for next year too....or for other dress up times?


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## carfreemama (Jun 13, 2007)

Where is the Dove chocolate costume picture???!!!!

Oh and I don't know if I'd make another costume. I probably would, but I guess I'd want my dd to really understand the time, energy, love and possibly money that went into the first one. I would probably make the second costume, but I would not want to feel un-appreciated. Not that I want my kid to feel guilty, either; but still. You MADE a costume. That's special!


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *carfreemama* 
I guess I'd want my dd to really understand the time, energy, love and possibly money that went into the first one. I would probably make the second costume, but I would not want to feel un-appreciated. Not that I want my kid to feel guilty, either; but still. You MADE a costume. That's special!

developing empathy is important for ANY child, but for kids with autism is it particularly challenging.

What ever you decide to do about the costume, there is a chance for your son to learn from this experience. Helping him developing empathy can be part of that.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
developing empathy is important for ANY child, but for kids with autism is it particularly challenging.

This. I have an autistic son too, and one of the things I have to teach him is that actions have consequences. Otherwise, he'd go through 10 costumes at Halloween because he doesn't understand that costumes cost time and money. He also doesn't understand that other people can feel badly if you ask them to invest their time in something, and then decide that's not what you want anyhow. So, I'd want to do something that helped teach the child that time and effort went into it--I like the idea of making him contributed financially to the 2nd costume and/or having him put some time into helping make it. Then he still gets rewarded for having creativity, PLUS he learns that costumes aren't an endless resource (and neither are money & time).


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

The pics are in this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...colate+costume

Steph, your ds is ADORABLE!!!! I'm so glad I went looking for that thread! He's SO cute!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllyRae* 
This. I have an autistic son too, and one of the things I have to teach him is that actions have consequences.

But it's not atypical for a 7 yo to wear a costume to an event and feel he is done with it and ready for something else, either. He might also have realized the Dove costume is kind of awkward to wear for a long time (my ds might have thought it great but I guarantee you he wouldn't have gotten past 1 block ToT with it still on!). Plus, the OP's ds might have gotten so many new ideas seeing what the other kids wore to the Halloween event. Just wanted to point out that it's pretty age appropriate regardless of being on the spectrum...


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thyra* 
The pics are in this thread:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...colate+costume

Steph, your ds is ADORABLE!!!! I'm so glad I went looking for that thread! He's SO cute!

thyra, thanks so much for the link! Steph, that is AWESOME!!! I mean, like, you could win a costume contest from Family Fun or Regis and Kelly or somewhere awesome!!


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

I would probably help him be a mummy. Maybe sell the Dove one on Craigslist if you want to part with it. It's adorable but it's looks a little awkward in the arm area. But, you DS and the costume made are precious.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

If he would help me make it then I would probably give in to the mummy request.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Thyra- thanks for posting the link!!

And thank you everyone for the compliments







DS was so stoked at how many people commented on the costume when we were at the zoo. Every time someone commented on it he just lit up







That's actually funny to me because he generally doesn't like people commenting on anything about him and he was in a really bad mood at the zoo.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tbone_kneegrabber* 
How many Halloween things are you doing? You did the zoo, it seems like you are TOTing, is he also wearing something to school? That's 3 oppurtunities to wear costumes so he could switch back and forth.

Nothing at school. But he did the zoo, he'll do ToT (if we make it back in town in time- we have to drive from Michigan to Kentucky on Halloween so hopefully we can leave early enough to make it!). He might do a fall festival this weekend with a costume contest if he wants to. And on Halloween weekend he might have a Halloween party at his Grandpa's house, which he may or may not wear a costume for.

The chocolate mummy idea is great! Okay, now my wheels are turning again. We don't have any old sheets but maybe I'll run by some thrift stores and see if I can find one. Hmmmm....

Thanks for all the thoughts!!


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## cyncyn (Nov 19, 2004)

I don't think you are being mean to use it as a teachable moment. If the resources have already been used, that's it. I personally love to make costumes so I would make another one. DD usually has several events and I don't mind making a few costumes. I wouldn't spend money buying multiples though, I'm cheap (not mean







). For school, I try to have something that can be worn on the bus and train. Last year, she decided she must wear the pteranodon costume at school, 3 foot long cardboard head and all. And this year she says she wants to wear it again. I'm trying to convince her to let me make her something else too


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
But it's not atypical for a 7 yo to wear a costume to an event and feel he is done with it and ready for something else, either. He might also have realized the Dove costume is kind of awkward to wear for a long time (my ds might have thought it great but I guarantee you he wouldn't have gotten past 1 block ToT with it still on!). Plus, the OP's ds might have gotten so many new ideas seeing what the other kids wore to the Halloween event. Just wanted to point out that it's pretty age appropriate regardless of being on the spectrum...

Disclaimer: I would make the mummy costume, but I like making costumes.

I agree w/ 4evermom. While I think the Dove costume is precious, it doesn't look comfortable. Plus (we live in central KY, too), it's been pretty warm here still, and I'd think it would get really hot in it. Maybe he does like the way it looks, but it's not practical to wear for long. I don't know that at 7, he's capable of thinking that far ahead. I mean, as an adult I've bought clothes and then realized after wearing them how uncomfortable they were, so I'd be inclined to think that's what happened.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Eh, last year my then-4 y/o wore 3 different costumes to 3 different events and switched midway Halloween night from one to the other. We like to dress up over here, obviously. So while I wouldn't go to any extra trouble, I agree w/ the PP who says why not if it isn't a hassle. Halloween should be fun! But if making another costume isn't fun for YOU, I understand--let him take charge.


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

My kids go through many different costumes on Halloween as well. If we attend 2-3 Halloween events, they might wear a different costume to each. However, I have never spent a lot of time sewing a costume. Our costumes are typically just thrown together from various dress-up items we have accumulated. Or my kids make parts themselves (like they cut out a paper crown and attach it to a headband.)

I wouldnt go through any trouble or time, but if I could make it easily I would.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

A mummy would be so easy. I'd say yes this time but tell him before you make it that this is the LAST one he'll be getting this year. (my son is on the autism spectrum, too)


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## jnet24 (Sep 4, 2006)

I went to the zoo halloween thing yesterday I saw a mummy costume and thought immediately of this thread. Someone ad taken gray jogging pants and sweatshirt and drew black lines, outlined in brown to make it look like gauze was wrapped around the entire suit. Then they had taken some gauze and sewed it in random spots to give the mummy look. It was totally cute and easy.


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## SubliminalDarkness (Sep 9, 2009)

For a 7 year old, no. This is what you picked. We talked about it a ton. You're stuck with it.


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## mumm (May 23, 2004)

In my house the kid could be the chocolate or find another costume already in the house or make something without my involvement. But *I* wouldn't assist in any other way.


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

A mummy is pretty easy so why not? Just wrap him in toilet paper and you avoid a lot of tears. Time is meaningless next to a child's happiness.


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

As adorable as the Dove chocolate costume is (and it REALLY is!), I'm willing to bet that he has heard a lot of kids talking about their costumes and has realized that it may not be *cool*. And even if he's not dressing up for school, he wants to be able to tell the kids he's got a *cool* costume, too. At that age, the kids (boys in particular) tend to be all about mummies, vampires, superheros... not a piece of chocolate.

Personally, I'm not fond of making costumes. I'll do it if needed, but it's not something I enjoy. Luckily, my son always did his own legwork - he only occasionally needed some help gathering materials (his BEST costume, IMO, was when he was Grrr from Invader Zim).

My daughter.... sigh... Costumes have to be *perfect*, so I tend to buy those. I remember a few years back... I came home from being overseas for two weeks on 10/30. She had told me earlier that she wanted to be a scarecrow, so I had her and grandma go out and get everything she needed to transform jeans & a flannel shirt into a scarecrow. Then spent the evening when I got home (totally knackered) helping her put together her costume. Only to have her tell me she didn't really like it. I nearly cried. Luckily, the peacock costume from the year before still fit - and that's what she wore.

But, at the end of the day? How much effort is involved in a mummy costume? I'd do it.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SpiderMum* 
A mummy is pretty easy so why not? Just wrap him in toilet paper and you avoid a lot of tears. Time is meaningless next to a child's happiness.









a word of warning. a homemade costume by him might increase his tears.

when he discovers how easily the costume falls apart.

so bedsheets are a good idea.

waiting for pictures.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nola79* 
I'm with the other posters. I would not make or buy another one.

Yep.... that is what I'd say.


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## [email protected] (Sep 7, 2010)

How _cute_ that he wanted to be a chocolate! But maybe he already got his chocolate fix.









I would let him be a mummy, and save the Dove Chocolate costume for dress-up. Kids change their minds all the time, and the trick-or-treating days only last so long. Your kid has big dreams, and wants to explore lots of characters. But I'm a bit of a push-over.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I think it would be interesting if this were set up as a poll and the answers were sorted by the age of the posters children.

I'm guessing that the older our children, the more likely we are to NOT make a second costume. My therory is that when our kids are younger, we see their request and needs more in the same vein, but as our kids get older, it keeps becoming more and more obvious that there is little to no correlation between what they want and what they need, and they sometimes (often?) lack gratitude for what we do for them.

I don't think there is a right and wrong answer, I just think how we look at it changes as kids get older.


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## daytripper75 (Jul 29, 2003)

I think this is a lesson in gratitude. We're not always thrilled with what we have but we should be thankful to have it!


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

I went through something similar when dd1 was 4. She adamantly wanted to be a "fairy mouse", so I bought some grey fleece and made this whole little mouse suit which she was thrilled with and then I started in on the fairy part which just went over top of the mouse part. She saw the sparkles and she was just all over that. I was really crushed. I loved the idea of a "fairy mouse" and had spent a huge amount of time and effort in making the mouse part for it to just be tossed aside like yesterday's news. I couldn't _make_ her wear the whole thing w/o a major meltdown so I just let her wear the fairy part, but I did ask her to let me take a picture with the whole thing on and that went okay. I have not made an elaborate costume since, though. I've helped them make witch hats or made up their faces or transformed some thrift store clothes into something, but I have not put that kind of an effort into a costume since then. I had to step back and let it be about them and they come up with some pretty creative stuff, too.

Anyway, put me down for "not sewing another costume, but might help with an easy mummy costume".

Very cute Dove Chocolate costume, btw!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
I think it would be interesting if this were set up as a poll and the answers were sorted by the age of the posters children.

I'm guessing that the older our children, the more likely we are to NOT make a second costume. My theory is that when our kids are younger, we see their request and needs more in the same vein, but as our kids get older, it keeps becoming more and more obvious that there is little to no correlation between what they want and what they need, and they sometimes (often?) lack gratitude for what we do for them.

I don't think there is a right and wrong answer, I just think how we look at it changes as kids get older.

It seemed a lot of people who had younger kids answered "no way" as if they think a 7 yo is mature and "old enough" because they are comparing them to 3 and 4 yos and think they ought to be so much more mature and experienced. People whose "babies" are that age or older (like me) seem more willing to oblige within time and financial constraints possibly because they don't view them as being quite so close to fully mature. But older kids are more capable of doing things with less help so encouraging them to make their own costume is perfectly reasonable. My ds is always grateful!


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
It seemed a lot of people who had younger kids answered "no way" as if they think a 7 yo is mature and "old enough" because they are comparing them to 3 and 4 yos and think they ought to be so much more mature and experienced. People whose "babies" are that age or older (like me) seem more willing to oblige within time and financial constraints possibly because they don't view them as being quite so close to fully mature. But older kids are more capable of doing things with less help so encouraging them to make their own costume is perfectly reasonable. My ds is always grateful!









I don't know. I was one who answered that I wouldn't be willing to make another costume, and my dd is 6. In fact several weeks ago we were out shopping and she saw a witch's costume and asked me to buy it for her. I told her that she needed to think really really hard about it, because once I bought it I wouldn't be able to afford anything else if she changed her mind later. She did decide to be a witch and so I bought her the costume. If she had decided that she wasn't so keen on the witch after all I would have told her "sorry, but that's what you chose. If you can piece together a different costume with what we already have then go for it. Otherwise witch it is, and you can be a *whatever* next year".

I don't know if it's because my dd is "older" that I answered that way, because we're on a super tight budget, or just more to do with my personal parenting style (or a combo of all 3 factors?). That said, I do think I would have been more willing to go along with whims and changes when she was a toddler/preschooler than I am now - now that she has a better understanding of the consequences of her choices.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
It seemed a lot of people who had younger kids answered "no way" as if they think a 7 yo is mature and "old enough" because they are comparing them to 3 and 4 yos and think they ought to be so much more mature and experienced. People whose "babies" are that age or older (like me) seem more willing to oblige within time and financial constraints possibly because they don't view them as being quite so close to fully mature. But older kids are more capable of doing things with less help so encouraging them to make their own costume is perfectly reasonable. My ds is always grateful!









I answered no, and my kid is the same age as the OP's, is on the spectrum like the OP's kid, AND my kid is related to the OP's kid.







:


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

No way would my kid be getting a second costume!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Having actually seen the Dove costume now, I'm voting for helping him throw something together. The Dove costume is awesome, but really more suited to wearing once for a brief time than walking around. I'm kind of surprised he made it through the zoo trip with it, but then I have a tendency towards claustrophobia and hate not being able to fully use my arms.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl* 
I don't know. I was one who answered that I wouldn't be willing to make another costume, and my dd is 6.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllyRae* 
I answered no, and my kid is the same age as the OP's, is on the spectrum like the OP's kid, AND my kid is related to the OP's kid.








:

Ah, but you both have younger kids than your 6/7 yo so you still fit what I was saying. When you have younger kids, 6 and 7 yos seem old because you are comparing them. When the 7 yo is your baby, you might take how he is at face value because you aren't always seeing him next to someone so much younger. You know how it is when you have a baby? The toddler suddenly seems HUGE and many moms have trouble being as patient with the toddler because their expectations have also suddenly changed since they are comparing the toddler to a helpless newborn. And to the toddler, he is just one day older than he was yesterday. So why is everyone being short with him because a baby was born yesterday or he just had a birthday and is magically a whole year older instead of just one day? When you don't have a newborn, that toddler is still pretty much a baby to his mom.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
The Dove costume is awesome, but really more suited to wearing once for a brief time than walking around. I'm kind of surprised he made it through the zoo trip with it.


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
Ah, but you both have younger kids than your 6/7 yo so you still fit what I was saying. When you have younger kids, 6 and 7 yos seem old because you are comparing them. When the 7 yo is your baby, you might take how he is at face value because you aren't always seeing him next to someone so much younger. You know how it is when you have a baby? The toddler suddenly seems HUGE and many moms have trouble being as patient with the toddler because their expectations have also suddenly changed since they are comparing the toddler to a helpless newborn. And to the toddler, he is just one day older than he was yesterday. So why is everyone being short with him because a baby was born yesterday or he just had a birthday and is magically a whole year older instead of just one day? When you don't have a newborn, that toddler is still pretty much a baby to his mom.










But even my 3 year old knows she gets one costume and if she changes her mind after the costume is made/bought, we put it on the idea list for next year (or she can choose something from the dress-up trunk). A 7 year old is perfectly capable of understanding/being taught that mama's time is valuable as well. I mean, I could take what you said and say that people who don't have younger kids are not aware of exactly how mature a 7 year old actually is and how much more refined the reasoning skills are than a toddlers, and thus, they can be treated like the grade schooler they are. Having younger children does not make me any less aware of a 7 year old's capabilities...I've been around 7 year olds a lot. I've worked with them a lot outside of my own children. I know typical and special needs 7 year olds. I know that at some point, you do have to teach them to make a decision, value the time of those who are doing something for you, appreciate what you have, etc. I know that you can't coddle them and put the same expectations on them that you'd have of a 3 or 4 year old or even of a kindergartener.

YES, they need help with developing those skills, but it's perfectly age appropriate to help them understand, by having them take some part in creating the new costume, that there is time and effort and money involved in costume making and that those are finite resources. Would I ask my 3 year old to help make a new costume if she wanted to change her mind? (Well, being Montessori minded, yes, I would. But that's beside the point. I wouldn't *expect* her to be able to understand that at her developmental age). BUT, I would fully expect a 7 year old to be able to sacrifice some time, some money (even a dollar or two), and some effort into helping create the 2nd costume in order to begin to understand that costumes (and toys and food and natural resources, etc.) don't come out of thin air...that our choices have consequences...that the things we consume have availablility limits, etc.

It's not just a costume. The lesson that is learned can be generalized--what if the same 7 year old asked for a DSI for Christmas. Got it, played with it, and then decided that nope, what he really wants is an electric scooter. Does mom have the responsibility to get him a 2nd gift because he changed his mind? Nope. At 7, he can start saving up to contribute to the other item.

That being said, I know Steph, and I'm going to wager a bet that Owen has the mummy costume now.







: I don't know that for certain, but I have a hunch.







:


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Thanks for all the thoughts everyone!!

To the person who was speaking of how to some a 7 year old seems so grown up and to some they are still a baby.... very interesting! I still view my ds as a baby







LOL!

To those who might be wondering..... ds does not have a mummy costume. Nor will he be wearing the chocolate costume. Over the weekend ds sat down with me and explained that he really liked the chocolate costume but when he walks it hits his knees and he can't walk very much with it on. That's why he wanted a different costume. I can understand that







We decided that we would look into another costume, but there were no promises







Later we were at Target and he was looking at the costumes and decided he wanted to be a knight.







We explained this was the last costume, no more chances. He understands and insists he wants to be a knight. Soooo.... he's a knight


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Aw, so I only half-won the bet.









Take a picture for me!


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

So wrap him in toilet paper and let him do his rounds. It's cheap and easy and it will last exactly as long as it takes him to get around the block.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

aaaaaaaaaaah soooo typical.

mine was hell bent on belly dancer.

well she 'got' her costume.










a vampire!!! go figure!!!

not until we make or buy will i ever really know what she wants to be.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 







aaaaaaaaaaah soooo typical.

mine was hell bent on belly dancer.

well she 'got' her costume.










a vampire!!! go figure!!!

not until we make or buy will i ever really know what she wants to be.

have you considered shutting the door on your sewing area, running an empty needle off and on for an hour or so while you read a book, and then coming out and asking "are you sure you want to be an X?"







:


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
have you considered shutting the door on your sewing area, running an empty needle off and on for an hour or so while you read a book, and then coming out and asking "are you sure you want to be an X?"







:

Lol!


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

When DD did this she was 4, she choose to be a bubble bath. Like you, I made it and it was very cute, but it was "only for Trunk or Treating at school." She refused to wear it again and had two more Halloween events. I let her choose something out of her dress-up clothes, but I wouldn't make/buy something else. She ended up wearing a princess dress to the Halloween event and black clothes with butterfly wings trick or treating.

I think given your son's explanation of it being hard to walk, it reasonable and I probably would have done the same thing for my now nearly 7 year old DD (whom I still think of as little!).


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