# Did you name/bury your baby?



## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

I was just wondering of others...if you all named your babies or had them buried?
I was 13 weeks when i lost my son and so we clearly got to see the gender, named him and got to bury him at a cemetary. It was very healing to be able to do that.

I was wondering if anyone else didi

we named our son Ryley Jacob.


----------



## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c3...2booman/83.jpg


----------



## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

Here is one with Matthew and my son there

http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c3...2booman/84.jpg


----------



## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

We haven't had a ceremony for Wendy but we have her ashes in a little urn and someday I'd like to do something with them.


----------



## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Plady*
We haven't had a ceremony for Wendy but we have her ashes in a little urn and someday I'd like to do something with them.

I cried looking at the pictures of your daughter. She was absolutely beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss.
That is great that you do have her ashes though. My heart goes out to you.


----------



## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

Yes. My daughter was stillborn at 37 weeks and her name is Reagan Claire. We had a burial ceremony for her w/45 min. of visitation for close family and friends only prior to the burial. Her headstone was just set about a month ago and it's beautiful.

For Grace we didn't do anything b/c she was sent for chromosome testing. However, the testing failed. They couldn't get any cells to grow.







So unfortunately, we didn't get the chance to bury her. Had we had that chance, we would've buried her at Reagan's gravesite.


----------



## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

Yep, my son was named and buried in a cemetery following a catholic funeral mass. He was born at 41 weeks and passed away during birth. He had an "immediate family only" viewing and a closed casket funeral that some friends and family attended.


----------



## mimi_n_tre (Jun 15, 2005)

I was 26 weeks when I had my son. We named him Jase Orion pretty much at the last minute since we didn't know he was a *he*. I had him cremated and he sits at home with his family. I plan to bury his ashes when we get settled into our own home.

I love your memorial to your son. I am so sorry you had to go through it though...

Love,
Mary


----------



## isaiahsmommy05 (Jul 1, 2005)

We had Isaiah creamated and we had a funeral for him. His urn is at home with us and I also wear a special locket with some of his ashes in it.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

My daughter was stillborn at 22weeks. We took pictures of her and named her. We had chosen the name Arawyn 2 weeks before when we found out we were having a girl. It was the perfect name for her. We had a service for her on Christmas eve. Her ashes are in an urn on our mantle. I told dh that when I die I want to be cremated and I want her ashes mixed with mine. She only ever lived in side my body, and I feel like that is where she should someday return.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Plady, Wendy is so beautiful. I cried looking at her pictures.

Mom2booman, The marker is lovely. I am so glad that you have it.


----------



## umami_mommy (May 2, 2004)

yes, even though i was only 9 weeks pregnant when i miscarried, the baby was intact with the placenta. we wrapped her in a baby blanket that belonged to my son and buried her under the lilac bush were our kitty is also buried.

i had just read an article that asthma is many times worse when you are pregnant with a baby girl and so i surmised she was a she.

the night i started spotting (a week and one day before i miscarried) i fell asleep thinking of my baby and the name "esme sophia" came to me. so she kinda named herself.

[edited to removed blog link]


----------



## mama4gals (Nov 15, 2003)

My first miscarriage was at 13 wks, the next 3 were 8 wks or less. So the only one we were able to really have anything to bury was the first. I went to the hospital bc of severe bleeding, but had actually passed the baby at home. We brought everything with us to the hospital, and I told them I wanted the baby back to bury. They were very kind, and after looking at the baby in the lab, they wrapped him up in tissue paper and put him in a little box. Later, at home, I went out onto the porch and looked at my baby in the bright warm sunshine. I was absolutely blown away by what I saw. He was the most perfect little miniature baby. I could see everything--all his little fingers and toes, even his tiny little penis. He was a perfect little being, whole, complete, and I felt so humbled by the great blessing it was to carry him, even if only for such a short time. I was forever changed by seeing that small being. We buried him at the feet of the statue of the Blessed Mother that we have in our little garden, and we had a little ceremony, just dh and the kids and I. We didn't name him; it never occurred to me at the time. I was just in such a state of shock. It had happened so suddenly, and I had never expected it, and having passed the 12 wk mark, I thought I was home free.








to all you mamas who have lost babies.

Liz


----------



## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Yes, our son has a name. No ceremony but he was cremated and I have the urn on a special shelf in the master bedroom with a framed picture of me while pregnant with him. I also have a small cedar chest nearby with all his little mementos and treasures.


----------



## mom2booman (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama4gals*
My first miscarriage was at 13 wks, the next 3 were 8 wks or less. So the only one we were able to really have anything to bury was the first. I went to the hospital bc of severe bleeding, but had actually passed the baby at home. We brought everything with us to the hospital, and I told them I wanted the baby back to bury. They were very kind, and after looking at the baby in the lab, they wrapped him up in tissue paper and put him in a little box. Later, at home, I went out onto the porch and looked at my baby in the bright warm sunshine. I was absolutely blown away by what I saw. He was the most perfect little miniature baby. I could see everything--all his little fingers and toes, even his tiny little penis. He was a perfect little being, whole, complete, and I felt so humbled by the great blessing it was to carry him, even if only for such a short time. I was forever changed by seeing that small being. We buried him at the feet of the statue of the Blessed Mother that we have in our little garden, and we had a little ceremony, just dh and the kids and I. We didn't name him; it never occurred to me at the time. I was just in such a state of shock. It had happened so suddenly, and I had never expected it, and having passed the 12 wk mark, I thought I was home free.








to all you mamas who have lost babies.

Liz

That story sounds so much like mine. Seeing my son and everything. he too was perfect, little fingers and toes and everything. I agree with everything you said


----------



## rishmommy (Jan 12, 2006)

Hugs to the mom that wants her ashes mixed with her baby's. That brought tears to my eyes. We lost our daughter Emily at 18weeks. She died shortly after birth from a severe neural tube defect. I too was amazed by what I saw at only 18 weeks. She, however, was not whole and would not be until she reached heaven. We had her creamated and had a memorial service for her and had a monument placed beside my grandmother and my aunts baby that was lost. Her name was Emily JoAn (named for that same aunt). Her marker is adorned with violets, I want the same for mine.


----------



## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

My first m/c was at 12.5 wks but the baby had died at 7 and I just did not know it. When I had my m/c the baby had been absorbed but the placenta and cord were perfect. I collected everything and dh and I buried it under the cherry tree in the back yard where our boys placentas are buried. We sprinkled holy water on it and said a prayer. Several days later we named it Sam for samuel or samantha. The name really helps me to identify it as a real baby and to talk about it more openly.

My 2nd m/c was at 6 wks, we sent the baby for testing so we were not able to bury it but again everything had been absorbed. We named the baby morgan.

For both of my babies I created a memory box and included a story of their birth, a letter to them, dried flowers, any pics of me pg, my pg tests, etc.

Hope this helps


----------



## maigheach (Aug 31, 2005)

I didn't name our baby. I miscarried at 8 weeks, and don't know if it was a boy or girl. Everyone, without exception, encouraged me to think of it as a "blob of tissue", "not normal". I wasn't even allowed to see anything.


----------



## isaiahsmommy05 (Jul 1, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maigheach*
I didn't name our baby. I miscarried at 8 weeks, and don't know if it was a boy or girl. Everyone, without exception, encouraged me to think of it as a "blob of tissue", "not normal". I wasn't even allowed to see anything.









I'm really sorry you were treated that way.


----------



## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

We buried our baby (m/c at 9 weeks) in our backyard under a gardenia seedling. I wasn't going to give him (just a feeling he was a boy) a name because it was so early in the pregnancy, but as soon as I saw him the name "Kekai" (the ocean) felt right. Dd (9yrs) named him "little peanut".


----------



## momto3 irish lads (May 12, 2006)

I didn't name my baby either. I went in for what I thought was going to be my 1st dr visit, only to find out I had lost the baby. I had a d&c 3 days later. I'll never know for sure, but I truly believe that was my 1 and only daughter.


----------



## HoosierDiaperinMama (Sep 23, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto3 irish lads*
I didn't name my baby either. I went in for what I thought was going to be my 1st dr visit, only to find out I had lost the baby. I had a d&c 3 days later. I'll never know for sure, but I truly believe that was my 1 and only daughter.









s
That is so interesting that you say that b/c my DH's aunt had a m/c (followed by a D&C) many years ago and she was convinced the baby she lost was a girl. She has 4 boys.


----------



## Nkenga (Dec 11, 2005)

Jon-Sebastian was buried in the county cemetary, because we didn't have any money. We did have a memorial service about three weeks after his death.


----------



## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

I've had several miscarriages. We did not name or have a burial.


----------



## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom*
I've had several miscarriages. We did not name or have a burial.


Yeah that. Verbatim.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Nkenga, I am so sorry for your loss. Your son Jon-Sebastian shares the date of December 21st with my daughter Arawyn.


----------



## hopeful1 (Mar 30, 2006)

Our daughter Emily Grace was born at 33 weeks... She was severely afflicted with Down Syndrome and died a day and a half after she was born. She died in my arms. We had her cremated and had a Catholic memorial service for family only. I bought a curio cabinet to put her urn in.... The urn itself is so beautiful.... It's an opaque angel sitting with it's head resting on its knees. Since there was no place on the urn itself to mount a plate for her name we purchased a mahoganey keepsake box and had the Angel Urn professionally mounted to the top. The inside of the box holds her baby booties she wore at the hospital and her hospital bracelets. We also have a lock of her hair with a pink ribbon around it. She is in Heaven now where she is afflicted by nothing at all. God Bless all of you mommies who have endured loss. We are stronger than we will ever know.


----------



## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

Mamas.

my first Miscarriage was in Dec. 05, Christmas day when I passed the sac. I was 9wks, 3 days and I named the baby "Gem". I do feel the Baby was a boy and a preciouos , tiny, little Babe. Hence- his name.

I am in the midst of my second miscarriage, I should have been 9 weeks when I went in several days ago for a quick u/s for bleeding similar to last time. Baby passed at 6 wks 4 days. I haven't named the Baby yet. My miscarriage has not blown in full force, I'm awaiting the storm and the Babes passing from my body.


----------



## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Mamabear


----------



## Serrendipity (Apr 12, 2006)

I still feel such a lump of grief and shame over the circumstances. I didn't even know it was possible to _have_ something like the beautiful ceremonies some of you have described for these very tiny babies. I feel so robbed. So cheated. Not one person thought my grief was valid. I never felt like I had the chance to say goodbye because no one let me know that it was ok to grieve a baby when you lose it so soon. Because you aren't _allowed_ to grieve what amounts to, in their eyes, a malformed clump of tissue.

I knew even before the second little pink line showed up, I just knew. And when I had some cramping and spotting at around 8 weeks, I also knew. Since I hadn't started seeing a midwife or OB yet (no insurance and still learning my options) I didn't have anyone to call. I cried myself to sleep and tried to continue on, telling myself that the gradual loss of pregnancy symptoms was because I was nearing the end of my first trimester.

My DH (just DBF at the time) and I were so excited and so very much in love; we just wanted to be married that _instant_, so we decided to elope. And because they don't actually let you elope, per se, in Washinton state, we got the chance to invite a few people and take a long weekend to honeymoon.

It was the evening before the wedding day that I felt a wet gush as I bent down. We rushed to the ER, but there was nothing they could do to help, of course. They called it a missed miscarriage. I don't think I missed it at all; I think I just wanted that precious life so badly my body wasn't willing to give it up until the end.

They told me to expect menstral-like cramping, and that I would pass some "tissue" the size of a chicken heart. They being this horrible ER doc who was completely unsympathetic and also completly wrong about the pain. It was the worst pain I have _ever_ felt, and I'd _still_ say that after 64 combined hours of labor, some of them pitocin-enhanced. After going home 'round 11 pm, I laid down and suffered as silently as I could until 5 am when DH couldn't stand to hear me wimper anymore, because I felt like I _deserved_ it in some way for doing something wrong and not being able to keep my baby alive. At that point DH took me back and they gave me a shot of morphine and a RX for a few percocet. Needless to say, we didn't get married that day.

After calling and telling the immediate family, I couldn't stand the thought of having to tell anyone else and hear any _more_ well-meant but completely misguided attempts to comfort me. And since we'd already paid for it, we went on our honeymoon, an over-night in Victoria BC. There I passed a - something - much larger than they said it would be.

I didn't know what else I could do. My baby got flushed down a hotel toilet in Canada.

Since then, I have learned not to mention it because it makes people uncomfortable. But it still feels a little strange sometimes when I say, "I only have two children," or "Yes, she's my oldest." I still have the bracelet from the ER the night I lost my _real_ first baby. I meant to throw it out when I got over the loss, as a gesture of moving on, but I've already moved on quite well and not gotten over it. Just sitting down to write this has brought more healing than all the years between.

Now I think I'll keep it. Now when I see it, I'm not going to feel like I need to _do_ anything about it at all. I think I'm content to let it be what it is, and if I don't have it sitting on the mantle for everyone to see (and not understand), at least it will be there for _me_ to look at when I need to....

Serendipity


----------



## mercyrus (May 16, 2006)

On April 18th, we lost our baby Violet...you think of all the situations you could possibly be in, but you never imagine the birthday being this horrible. You're bombarded with questions you never thought you'd hear, let alone have to deal with. We had her cremated and no memorial service...I guess we felt God had taken enough from us and we weren't giving this one thing to the Almighty. We also wanted to keep her to ourselves, I guess and didn't want to share her with anyone.


----------



## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

strong







to you mercy and serendipity.


----------



## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

This second m/c I feel is finishing up a bit- very different from last time. Not very physically painful at all- maybe I am mmistaken and I'm not almost finished at all. There just seems to be so much clotting and placenta/bag like matter.
But the name of this little one has come to me. Bloom.








today Mamas.


----------



## krankedyann (May 28, 2005)

I've lost 4 pregnancies, 5 babies. All have occured around 7 weeks. We have named all 5 children. We prayed and asked God to give us both the gender and a name.

I lost twins in January. They are the only ones we have buried, because it was the first miscarriage I knew what to look for and how to handle, thanks to reading the sticky on this forum. I'm so thankful that we were able to bury them.


----------



## Shirelle (May 22, 2006)

I'm late chiming in, but we buried what I think was our baby, in September of 2004. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I had started spotting one day, 9 weeks into my pregnancy, and then my nausea vanished. The next morning when I stood up, I felt this heaviness and I ran to the bathroom where the placenta just fell out of my body. It felt like some kind of horror movie. Later that day, I passed what I was almost certain was the baby. He was smaller than he should have been, so I suspect he passed away earlier in the pregnancy. I couldn't bear to just flush him, so we buried him in our garden next to my honeysuckle bush. My husband prayed over him. I'm glad we did it now, but at the time I felt very odd about it. That night I dreamed about a baby named Gabriel, which is not a name I would ever have thought to name my children. We put his name and date of death into our family Bible. I, too, was so saddened by how caustic people can be when it comes to loss. Many people asked me when we would "try again"....like having a baby was some kind of "project" that you try at again and again, until you succeed! It was my child.

Hugs to all of you Mamas who've suffered such great losses.


----------



## geck_07 (Jun 14, 2006)

This is my first post.....I've been reading everyone's posts for weeks now, and am so grateful for this site. First off, Iam very sorry for all of your losses. I too suffered a loss 8 weeks ago. I was 37 weeks pregnant with my 3rd daughter, who died due to a true knot. We named her Ava Dawn (Dawn is my mom's middle name). She was cremated and is in a special baby urn. I wear a locket with her picture in it,my husband and I both have special lockets with her ashes in them that we wear religiously.


----------



## Got_Cloth (May 14, 2005)

I guess the answer to this question fo rme is yes and no

Wiht my first few MC i had nothing to bury. I never even saw that baby or sac.
Then i had my first set of twins. they were tiny and perfect. Rachel was 8 1/2 inches long and 4.4 oz and rebecca was 9 1/2 inches long and 7 oz. They died becaseu of TTTS and PROM. i was freaked out. i was between 18-20 weeks, we dont know for sure becasue of the TTTS. I didnt even want to see them. I finaly looked but never held them. they were sent for testing and then the hossy tells me they buried them in a catholic cemetary. The grave is a mass grve ( maybe even Cremains) that is unmarked so i dont know where they are.
I went on and had a couple more MC that idid nothin with. Then i had another prengancy that was a oplanned homebirth. He was brn at 21 weeks, and we think he died around 17 weeks. He was perfect and beautful. since we knew he had died for nearly 4 weeks before his birth i was able to do things differently since i was filled with so many regrets teh first time. ( with the twin girls) I picked out a cemetary, and a funeral home before i was fille diwth confusion, and teh mortuary came to the house to pick up my son when he was born. We picked out his casket and set the date for the funeral. We had a closed casket,g rave side service. that was beautiful and sad. I had never seen such a tiny casket. i added a picture of my twins with Brock, and I added thier names to his headstone. I also saved his placenta to plant with a tree when i move. 2.5 weeks after he was born and buried,, i dleivered a tiny 7-8 week baby. talk about atiny perfect being. I was amazed at what i saw. I added the baby to the bag with the placenta and when i move i will bury baby Aiden.

so out of my 11 babies that have died, I have or wil have buried 4.


----------



## sweetpetunia (Jun 7, 2006)

Hi, I'm very new here. This thread was so touching and the pictures, etc. were so beautiful that i wanted to tell my stories too:

I lost 2 babies through miscarriage, the first was at 12 weeks on 12-21-01. (I noticed two others lost their precious ones on that same date) I feel that he was a boy and I named him Caed since that was the boy name DH and I had picked out for him.

My second miscarried baby I did not physically lose all at once, so I don't know the exact date. It all occured in mid-June of last year. (2005) I believe she was a girl, so I named her Lora. I was 6 weeks into my pregnancy.

I did not keep their physical remains since the first baby's body had probably been fully absorbed and all that was left was a sac and the Dr. wanted to send it out for testing. Since the 2nd baby did not leave my body all at once, my midwife offered to see what she could under a microscope, so I saved what I could, but my midwife said that none of it was what she was looking for and what I gave her was all clots.









I was so blessed to have very compassionate caregivers during both losses.

I made keepsake boxes for both of them and put my positive pregnancy tests, a prayer my aunt had given me, a pregnancy calendar, and a hand-sewn bear I made in Caed's box and I put similar items in Lora's box but instead of a sewn bear I put in a white bear that I knit for her.

Now for my Peter's story... Peter was stillborn at 41 weeks last Wednesday, June 21st, 2006. After an unbelievable ammount of events gone wrong, his umbilical cord prolapsed in the ambulance on the way to the hospital and the hospital staff was unable to revive him.

We had a private viewing for just my family and my midwife was there as well. (We consider her family too) He was so handsome in the outfit his daddy picked out for him. The following day, we had a memorial service for all who wanted to attend and a service at the cemetary for family, my midwife, and another close family friend.

We haven't chosen his grave marker yet. The very kind woman who runs the cemetary told us we should take our time and choose carefully what we wanted to have on Peter's grave marker, so we're taking her advice. So far, I think we're going to have them put 2 emblems on it, a truck (since my DH loves to buy little trucks and cars for his babies) and a cross. I also think we're going to have them write "our little rock" under his name since our pastor kept calling him "little rock". My DH liked that a lot.

I'd like to add something like "see you when we get there" or "say 'hi' to Jesus for us" too.

My midwife had a friend who is a professional photographer take pictures of Peter at the hospital. They were absolutely gorgeous and done in black and white. She didn't even charge us because she does this as a ministry for families who lose babies. We had her print 4 of the pictures for us and we displayed them at the memorial service.

Well, my toddler is crying for me, so I need to go hold him. He wants to nurse again.







I'm so thankful to have him.

Thanks for letting me share


----------



## meme (Apr 27, 2006)

with my last pregnancy i was pregnant with B/G twins at about 20 weeks the docs knew something was wrong with Isabelle's heart and i had already go in to pre turm labor twice so i was but on bed rest and had a cerclag(sp) my whole pregnancy was awful not knowing if my lil girl would make it or not. at 33 weeks my watter broke, Isabelle Grace was with us for lil over 24hours she passed in my arms eyes wide open looking at her brother.. we had a ceremony for her and i had her barred with my mom, now my two guardian angels are together watching over us

even though i don't post much I am alwas reading every ones story's and advice, yall are such strong women and such an inspiration


----------



## jet1295mamajenn (Jul 21, 2006)

Yes, we did. I had only learned I was pregnant the week before extreme lower left pain and bleeding (things I had been having...still don't know why they didn't examine things further) brought me back to the doc's, and they realized I was having an ectopic in my left tube.

Ultrasound at the hospital dated me at about 5 weeks, 5 days. I had emergency surgery where they learned I had ruptured. If I had continued on with the pain, I could have died. We are very Catholic, and really wanted a baptism in the hospital, but the doctor, who professed to be "very pro-life" himself, kept insisting that we wouldn't have much that looked like a baby, an that there wasn't much we could do. We are still disappointed that we didn't force matters, even though our baby might not have looked much like a baby.

We registered at the Holy Innocents site, where they keep your baby in prayer (and they send you a certificate via email), and we wanted a name. We chose Karol, the late Pope John Paul II's birth name, because it just kept popping out at us. We had no idea of gender, and wanted something that sounded like it could go both ways, but was attributed to a saint or other holy person. Karol just fit.

Our old priest visited our house on Easter Sunday (my surgery was on April 10-11) and we had him do a special little memorial service here, even though we didn't have our baby's remains.

I finally had my final follow-up visit at the doctor's office and asked for one of the ultrasound pictures. He was very helpful and even showed me our little "bean" in the sac. We kind of want one of the laparoscope pictures, too, if they'll give one to us. We're trying to put together a little remembrance box to have something.


----------



## KnittingMama (Nov 30, 2005)

It's amazing to read your stories....

We lost our baby almost a week ago (I was 11 weeks). I was at home and the placenta passed intact. The midwife is almost certain that our baby is inside, but it was up to me if I wanted her to open it up to check. I declined, but we'll be burying our baby/placenta today actually. We're going to pick out a tree and have a little gathering with our kids.

We chose to name our baby to make he/she an official part of our family. I felt from the beginning that the baby was a boy, and when looking for names, I was drawn to only boy names. My DH and I chose the name of Malachi, which is a biblical name meaning "my angel". Very fitting. I'd like to get a memorial stone, but I don't think I can handle ordering one right now.


----------

