# My baby is never happy.



## mrs.t (May 10, 2010)

Hi everyone...

I'm new here and this is my first post. I'm feeling very depressed on my first mother's day because I feel like I have no idea how to make my baby happy. I have a 1 month old DS. He seems to be healthy, I'm exclusively breastfeeding, and I feed on demand. Everything seems fine except he is never happy unless he is being fed, or be pushed in the stroller. At home he basically cries unless he is asleep or eating. The weird thing is he sleeps through the night other than waking up for feeds, and when we are outside taking a walk or going for a ride in the car he is perfectly content. So what am I doing wrong? I keep wondering if he has gas or reflux or something but there don't seem to be any symptoms, and if he did, wouldn't he be unhappy all the time? It just doesn't seem to be related to anything. I feel like I don't know how to comfort my own baby. Anyone have any advice? Is this just a stage?


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## jess5377 (Mar 28, 2009)

You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can.

I'm no expert, I just have one, but I think around 2.5 months I was feeling about where you are now. I kept expecting it to get better, it had to, but it wasn't. And then someone basically laid it out for me and said "look, you're in survival mode right now and may be for another couple of months still, but it will get less intense, you just have to make it through and do whatever works." For us that meant bouncing on a ball or walking for almost all waking hours, for you it sounds like car rides and strollers.

Anyway, they were right, slowly, but surely, it's gotten less intense, she cries less, a lot less, and things are better. She laughs now and smiles and plays. It just took time.


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## mkksmom (Mar 24, 2008)

(((hugs))) My first was like that. She was not happy unless she was being held, walked around and bounced at the same time. My ugt said tummy issues, and I was probably right. Turns out that my foremilk and hindmilk were unbalanced. Who knew it wasn't normal to spray a few feet with letdown? Hehe. I'd recommend speaking with a with a lactation consultant to get some ideas there. I didn't know I was producing too much milk ( and you have to be very careful because you shouldn't diagnose something like that yourself. You could hurt your supply. There is a whole checklist), but I did learn ways to hold the breast to make it so she sucked in less air, at least. If I had discussed my issues with the LC, I could have helped my dd. Instead, I walked and bounced ALLLLL Day Long! By 3 months things got much easier. This LO started showing a lot of the signs of the foremilk/hindmilk imbalance and I called the LC and fixed the problem within 2 days.

Some also say probiotics help. I never tried it. Another thing that is different with this LO is that I don't get quite as upset when she cries. I used to beat myself up when my older dd cried because I wasn't sure I could get her to stop. I think I was stressing her out. The first few months were so hard, but things do get easier, I promise. Oh, and my first dd was the most easy-going toddler I have ever met. We took down the baby gates when she was 2 because we just didn't need them. She's a great kid too. Not high-needs at all anymore... usually. She has her moments like any kid.

Good luck! And call an LC and tell her that baby is fussy and you just want to check with her for suggestions.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

My niece was like this for the first 4 months. I figured she was "womb-sick".

It will get better.


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## lookatreestar (Apr 14, 2008)

yup, my niece had what we call 4th trimester







hang in there mama it will get better.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

First of all, welcome to MDC and a big







to you on Mother's Day.

I can totally identify with your feelings, as my first little one cried all the time for the first few months. I had honestly thought that if she was fed, had a clean diaper, and was being loved by me, she'd just be happy. So it was pretty shattering to my expectations when I couldn't seem to comfort her. I felt like a failure as a mom, and it was very, very stressful.

I never figured out exactly why she cried so much, but I did find a video called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp very helpful--he has a system called the "5 S's" (swaddling, sucking, shushing, swinging, and side lying position) to help sooth babies that really seemed to work for my dd.

Also, things did get a lot easier after she was about 4 months old. I think she just needed time to mature, and to get used to "life." So to some extent, I think it is a phase.

I just wanted to reassure you that you are a good mom, even if your baby does cry.


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

I'm right there with you! Things are starting to settle down here at one month, but just in the past few days.

It's 12:40 am and I'm sitting here with her in a carrier rocking back and forth.

She pretty much wants to be bounced or walked if she's awake. She has started sleeping better at night once she finally gets to sleep, but getting to sleep can take a lot of time. And bouncing on the ball hurts the perinium (sp?) tear from the birth, though luckily DH is great at bouncing her on the ball.

Have you tried any type of carrier/sling/wrap? If not, the ladies over in the babywearing forum could be of great use to you. It had made things WAAAAY easier on us over here to wear her. I am liking the Pikkolo carrier. It's so much easier to get things done when she's content and in the carrier.

She is starting to spend a bit more time in alert but quiet mode, which I'm SO thankful for, but it's been a rough month, for sure!!!

White noise is also a recent discovery. It's along the same lines as the shushing sound from happiest baby on the block. I've got simplynoise.com playing on my computer as I type this. And we bought a white noise machine for the bedroom, and use a fan a lot of times.

One time I actually sat here holding her with the dustbuster between my knees. But hey, it worked!!!!

Okay, I think she's finally asleep, so I should head to bed. Let's hope she doesn't wake up!

Good luck!!!!


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## jess5377 (Mar 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mkksmom* 

Some also say probiotics help.

Just wanted to add that we've seen a lot of success with probiotics, particularly around feeding and fussing while feeding or afterwards.


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## engineer_mom (Dec 22, 2006)

My kids are very similar to yours. This new one being the easiest. It took me three to start using a pacifer and a vibrating bouncer, and thank oodness they work for this one! Also my babes get sleepy realy fast after waking (1/2 hr). I swaddle, paci, carry at the first yawn/squeak and it seems to eliminate this babes crying. (didn't work as well with the other two) And when he lightly wakes up, I try to either wake a bit to see if he is cryin in his sleep or get him back to sleep. If his eyes are closed I take it as a sign he is still tired.

The first is a huge adjustment.
Some babies just cry and you can't figure it out. Try to be happy that yours stops when you are active.







LOL
It will end. Just not soon enouh.


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## buttercups.nest (Jul 2, 2009)

When my little one was that young I had issues with oversupply and getting the foremilk/highmilk balanced out. He was cranky and fussy all the time, only ever happy if I was holding him or feeding him.

Have you thought about a ring sling? They're great if little one wants to be with you and you can still do things around the house.

Good luck!


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## CBall (Apr 5, 2010)

It will get better I swear. The first few months with my daughter were intense. We had oversupply issues like the previous poster, some kind of acid reflux thing where she had to be propped up to sleep, her absolute rage at normal bodily functions (hiccups were the bane of her existence,







) and a inexplicable period of screaming between the hours of 8pm and 1am







. A thousand blessings on whoever invented the swaddling blanket and the swing.







I was so depressed because I didn't know how I was going to survive her for the next 18 years. Then ever so slowly it got better. She's 4 months now and such a happy little thing. She's truly a joy to be around. I think that she just didn't enjoy being a "baby." It all started getting better once she could see more clearly and interact with her world. It's really way more hard than you ever thought it could be, I Know, but hang in there.









A slightly crunchy mama







, loving my experiment crazed Dh







and now our sweet little miss goo


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## cheryllynn (Feb 20, 2010)

I seemed to remember that my baby was like that. I had to keep her in constant motion or she cried. She was calm (mostly) when she nursed. She also started sleeping longer hours at night, but during the day after DH went to work, I remember hours of rocking, bouncing, pacing with her. I do think it's just a phase. We created a vacuum CD by recording the vacuum for 45 minutes and that calmed her. We also got a stronger swaddle (woombie - houdini model) which also kept her calm. I sat for many hours on the exercise/birth/bouncy ball holding her close and gently bouncing - she prefered bouncing and did not like rocking back & forth. She also liked the swing that was motorized and at least gave me 30 minutes break if I timed it just right. I couldn't put her in the swing unless she was just about to nod off. I slept on the couch while she was next to me in the swing.

I have to say that once she got used to being on mommy's outside instead of inside, which was about 3 months, she turned into a smiley happy baby. I do remember early on asking someone where my happy baby was as Olivia seemd to do nothing but eat, sleep and cry. Well, she did appear and she's been a joy.

oh, and stroller walks - we spent many many hours in the stroller last year. When the weather turned bad, we spent more hours walking the stroller inside. Until she had enough. She got big enough to pull herself up and rolling over. We retired the stroller until this spring. Now we continue to enjoy our walks outside.

Hang on. It'll change. Keep doing what you're doing. I think for me it's about helping baby adjust to life. If stroller is what he likes, then spend time in the stroller. (my dd hated any kind of sling or baby carrier and a huge fan of stroller).

Looking back this past year, I remember that the first few months were hard, but then things start changing and everything does get easier.


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## Oceanone (Oct 24, 2002)

Oh, wow, this sounds like me 2 months ago. my babe is 16 weeks now and I remember those early days clearly. It was like she was never happy when she was awake. I didn't remember that with my others.

I gathered my arsenal of soothers around me. Bouncy chair with vibes, sling for walking the floor with baby. Feeding time etc. Just keep your cool and stay with him. He's processing so much change. You are not doing anything wrong! I try not to take newborn crying personally - it's just something they do sometimes, despite all our efforts.

Once those smiles start coming and he is more at home in the world it will all be different. My little one is gorgeously happy now and I bet yours will be too.

It's hard, so, big hugs and don't forget to enjoy those fleeting newborn snuggles.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

I absolutely HATED the newborn stage. mine is 14 months now and I still don't have much nastalgia for it. It was awful. She was always so fussy and unhappy and SO interested in everything and wanting to be moved constantly. She wanted to be held all the time, but she wouldn't cuddle. She had to be facing out and moving. She is just such a CURIOUS baby... my grandma says its because she is really intelligent... I say it is because her goal in life is to make me insane.

There are so many things I wish I had done differently that I think would have made the whole first year more enjoyable... like remembering that it'll pass... this weeks lack of sleep could be next weeks late mornings. I wish I hadn't gotten into the cycle of trying to get her to chill out and let me put her down for a bit and then getting more and more angry and stressed over her not letting me. I think if I had chilled out, the problems would have only lasted 3 months instead of 8. Although I firmly believe in the 9 months in, 9 months on rule, I think it could have been a lot easier.

Its hard and it is stressful and I think the perfect little newborn that just eats, sleeps and poops must be a myth because my experience almost turned me off from ever wanting another baby... and I've always wanted lots. I will say though that it does get SO much easier. mine is still clingy and fussy, but nowhere near the degree she used to be. She is independent enough now that she can actually spend a few hours playing on her own with only checking in with me now and then and it is SO much easier to stop her fussies quickly rather than having crying fests all day and night.


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## TSomm (Jun 15, 2009)

I haven't read all the replies, but the same situation here!

My daughter is just now 3 months and doesn't cry ALL.THE.TIME. Around 11 weeks I got a day or so where she wasn't fussing or crying the majority of the time. 12 weeks got even better. Now at 13 weeks I can actually set her down! Amazing!

The moby wrap saved my sanity. We went for many walks in it. Facing out if she was wide awake, despite her being so young or facing in if she was sleepy. The car rides do NOT make her sleepy. At home, I would bounce on a yoga ball for hours. It was the only thing that kept her content.

What drove me !!NUTS!! was when we went out into the world she would also be content because there was lots of things to look at. Strangers and friends would come up to me and say "Wow, she's such a quiet baby!". That really angered me.

Basically, I just wanted to say I wrote your post just a few months ago and I'm starting to see the light. *hugs*


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

I didn't read other responses yet either. I have my first baby who is 2 months old. at about 1 month h started getting so fussy and crying a lot and needing to be soothed. What worked for us (so far!!) is a baby swing. We swaddle him in it (on the top) and turn it to the highest speed (I was taught these details and I guess they are improtabt!) He loves the movement and settles well into sleep. I learned that he was fussy before cause he wasn't rested enough in the day. so that is my suggestion. He is still fussy some but much less! also a pacifier if you are into that.


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## karika (Nov 4, 2005)

newborns are struggling to get used to being in a body, the heaviness of it and the inability to move it. They need to get their feel of movement by being on a body that moves. Also not sure if it has been suggested, but I believe moms diet matters a lot. All unnatural things should be out of diet, msg, preservatives, food colors, caffeine, etc... cut out dairy entirely and soy to begin with. Cutting out all the offensive foods from your diet may be the ticket, aside from soy and dairy... corn, gluten... etc... read about elimination diets... but I don't recommend adding anything back in (the diets seem to say cut it out for 2 weeks, which is not long enough IMO), just taking them out. You may be able to add back in when baby is over 6 months if you desire to. I went dairy free before dd2s birth and she was a much different newborn (never cried and slept well) than dd1 when I didn't know any of this stuff... but I know all babies are different too..


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

This could be helpful if its a breastfeeding issue. Its something I am always keeping an eye on cause I have crazy supply! ...it doesn't help that baby is pretty sucky but in all honesty, as much as I would like him to take a soother - at this point he is refusing...he likes boobies! lol (but not always the milk!) ...this of course just makes my supply even more crazy! anyroad...

http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/fussybaby.html

Also - I find that this little man of mine was born with his own personality...I was not expecting that! He is so different from my first DS! lol... He is also much more active and awake and 10 days short of being a month old I have figured out that he needs way more sleep during the day than he is getting. My wrap is getting a lot of use! Hes just not fooled into being put down but unforntuatly I can't just hold him in arms all day long because I need these arms to take care of myself and other people in the house! ...its just about getting him comfortable in the wrap and so far what is working is tying the wrap over him - instead of putting it on first and putting him in it after.

It would have worked out great the other way around. DS1 would have made the perfect second child - DS2...the perfect first! lol


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## zamia7 (Jun 24, 2009)

if babes is always like this, look into high needs babies. not special need, high need. i wish i had listened to someone when they told me that in the beginning. it descibes my lil dude to the T. he is now 8 months, and still has his moments, but i used to think peopel were nuts when they were like, oh treasure these days, they go by so fast. I thought WTH are they talking about? all he does it cry! it gets better. I also am a firm believer that a lot of unexplained baby cries are from growing pains. think about it. remember when you were a teenager? my brother had them so bad hed be in tears curled up on his bed. A baby grows SO fast. They cant not have growing pains if you ask me.


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## beep (Aug 18, 2009)

At two months my DP said to me, "Have we done a terrible thing, to bring such a miserable little person into the world?" Now at almost five months, and with me me off soy & dairy and with a much better nap strategy, DS is a jolly, joyful little boy. In our case, time, dietary changes, and working on sleep worked wonders.


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## mrs.t (May 10, 2010)

I just wanted to thank everyone for all the replies. It really helps to know I'm not alone! I felt like such a horrible mother, especially during those moments when I wish I could get away from my DS. I never expected to feel like that about my own baby! I just hope things get better sooner than later.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrs.t* 
I just wanted to thank everyone for all the replies. It really helps to know I'm not alone! I felt like such a horrible mother, especially during those moments when I wish I could get away from my DS. I never expected to feel like that about my own baby! I just hope things get better sooner than later.

It will!

Just remember that at this stage, it's all about whatever works. I don't know what sort of pre-baby expectations and deal-breakers you had... but let's just say that you would not be the only new mother who looks back and laughs at her initial belief that pacifiers, swings, bouncy chairs, sleeping the carseat, etc would never EVER be in her repetoire.

I'd also like to say that even though I would obviously not recommend CIO, abandonment, ignoring your child's needs, etc... if you are feeling like you are at an absolute breaking point and like you are about to hurt either yourself or the baby, the absolute best thing you can do is walk away for a few minutes to regroup. There is nothing wrong with that, and it does not make you a bad mother. Actually throwing your baby out the window makes you a bad mother: standing under a hot shower for 5 minutes instead of throwing the baby out of the window means that you know your limits. Even Doctor Sears says that your baby will be fine.

Hopefully things won't come to that for you, but you would not be the first nor will you be the last mother for whom stress, sleep deprivation, and a high needs baby combined to create a precarious (even momentarily) mental health situation.


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## nicole528 (Jan 4, 2010)

Hi! I didn't have a chance to read all the replys and from my past experience with MDC, I'm sure you have received some of the best advice you could have. I just wanted to chime in and tell you I went through the exact same experience with my DD, who is now 6 months. I had numerous break-downs and remember saying "why is she so unhappy". But through it all, I continued to do the best I could to meet her needs (and she was needy!). I remember she went through multiple 'growth spurts' and would cry none stop for about two days and then she would be a little easier. At around 10 weeks old, she was a little more comfortable in the 'outside' world and I was able to put her down briefly. After that, every week got easier and easier and now she sits up on her own and plays by herself and smiles and laughs all the time. I found MDC to be the best support group ever and after reading and posted, I just felt better and stronger (almost like a recharge) to meet my LO's needs. Just remember, you're not alone and things do get easier!
p.s We discovered the 'Miracle Blanket' which helped us a lot too when DD was about 11 weeks (wish I had it for when she was a newborn). It's just a fancy swaddle blanket, but really helped DD feel better.
p.p.s. I bet in a months from now, you will be responding to a post from a new mom, tellling her that you went through a similar situation and things get much easier with time! Good Luck!!!

-Nicole (mama to DD 11/09







)


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## boobs4milk (Jun 25, 2006)

my baby doesn't even sleep well at night, no one can hold her but me, the slightest noises wake her, she only sleeps on me, she screams when i put her down, etc. my dd1 and dd3 were the same. i think they just hate being a baby stuck in a body that doesn't do what they want. for me, it got better once they were able to communicate and move around. dd1 was an early talker/walker, but dd3 didn't walk until 16 mos. i'd say it got markedly better around that time because i got pg (with my angel) when dd3 started to walk!

hugs, it does get better but it does take some kids longer than others. i'm sooo over the infant stage that when we adopt, i want a 2-3 yr old as opposed to an infant because i d k if i can handle another infant!


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## Grace and Granola (Oct 15, 2005)

My second son was like this too. Cried at least 8 hours per day, but strangely slept well at night. The doctors just kept telling me it was "colic." We tried reflux med and they did nothing. It turns out he had a dairy allergy. We also used probiotics. He was finally a normal baby around 3 months. I hope you can figure out what's going on with your baby. It is SO hard. But you are not doing anything wrong. Hang in there!


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

BIG hugs.

Lots of good advice! Kellymom has wonderful breastfeeding advice (I have oversupply, it causes problems for the first month or three). If you feed with artificial baby milk, try other varieties to see if that makes a difference. Books like The Happiest Baby, No Cry Sleep Solution, the Dr Sears High Needs Baby Book, etc are great as well!

In my case, dd1 was high needs but it was managable. DD2 though was off the charts. She cried, screamed, sobbed, etc if I wasn't holding her. And it was 24/7. DH couldn't hold her, strangers (friends and relatives even) couldn't get near her without screams from day one. Eventually we learned that dd2 has Sensory Processing Disorder. Basically, children with this disorder need either more or less stimuli in order to process things "normally". So a child might need absolute silence (not even the hum of a light or fridge) to focus or they may need extra auditory stimuli (perhaps music, or lots of ambient noise) to achieve the same focus. It can affect any sense (including your sense of where you are in space). A child who needs a lot of visual or auditory stimuli might find the "indoor home" setting deeply disturbing/confusing, or a child who needs extra physical stimuli may need to be carried in order to have enough input to figure out "where they are".

Anyway, it was a real battle to get a diagnosis because people kept saying "it's normal" and her behavior was always so different when we were "out". People thought I was exagerating. So eventually I had DH tape us and showed the tape to our ped. That got an immediate response of "OH! No, that's not normal" and a referal to our EI program (a free therapy program for young children). Check out the Sensory Processing resources (like this, or the book The Out of Sync Child or Raising a Sensory Smart Child) and see if they might fit. There is also a SPD thread here at mdc.

It may just be that you have an intense and determined little one, or they may have an extra "oomph" from something like SPD. I know my dd2 (and the whole family) benefitted from her diagnosis and treatment... fingers crossed you find a similar happy ending!


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## rhiOrion (Feb 17, 2009)

how are you doing mrs t? we're starting to have more good days over here


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## Kmama2 (Feb 4, 2009)

Another vote for it will get better! My son was super fussy, always crying, needing to be held etc till probably 4-5 months. Then he figured out how to army/ inch room crawl and now at 7 months is is such a happy guy, he sleeps alot better, is even starting to take a nap longer than 20 min, and entertains himself for good chunks of time. Hang on!!! 6-12 months is my fav age for babies. They smile, laugh, and are just so lovable. It will get better.
Check out the happiest baby on the block and just keep doing what keeps baby the most content. For ds is wasn't a bounce or sway it was a up down lunge type of movement.


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## mrs.t (May 10, 2010)

Wow! Thank you everyone for the replies! It feels so good to know I'm not alone. Things seems to be slowly improving...some days are hard but other days are ok. It seems like as long as we go out and do a few things he's ok. Staying in the house is a no-no, which is hard for me and DH because we are total homebodies, but I'm just trying to adapt to what DS wants or else the house is turned upside down anyway! We've been doing a lot of walks and car rides, and I'm finding that he does cry for reasons...most of the time it's hunger, and even though I thought he couldn't possibly be hungry if I put him to the breast he would eat, so I fed him. This translates to 11-12 feeds a day sometimes, but if it keeps me sane and him happy I guess it's what we need.


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## karika (Nov 4, 2005)

Glad it is better. Boobie is always a good thing to try first. My 17 mo is on my breasts every hour or so while awake. This is an average. Sometimes it is 2 hours and sometimes she snacks a bit every 30 min... I just keep them available all the time and she nurses from a few minutes to an hour. DD1 was longer between feeds, they are all different, but they are the expert on what they need. Let the baby suckle as long as they want and as often as they want (not a time thing, just go until they pop off on their own). Offer the boob first at that age. This will keep the baby very healthy and your supply will be perfect for the baby's ever changing needs.


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## jsh7809 (Aug 7, 2009)

I second (third?) the foremilk/ hindmilk imbalance. My DD was getting tons of foremilk and very little hindmilk due to my huge supply and intense letdown. Lots of gulping, lots of gas, and an unhappy baby who wanted to nurse all of the time but wasn't getting a comfortable full tummy








We found a GREAT LC that has helped a lot. We have very few fully stomach spit ups now







and the fussiness has been better. She also is comfort nursing less - that may be because she'll take a pacifier now, but I think that might be because she is having better nursing sessions. Who knows.
The thing is - a week ago, I was ready to give up (although how, I'm not sure... I just felt at the end of my rope!). A few days later, we saw a BIG improvement all around. Then yesterday, she started fussing and crying a ton again and today has been pretty miserable.
So I am back to driving myself crazy trying to figure out if it was something I ate, if I'm producing too much milk, if she's hot/cold/gassy/etc... am I feeding her too much? Too little? And I'm losing my intuition and just end up getting exhausted and distracted from what she is telling me which is that she wants ALL of my energy and attention. Ugh.
Fussing and crying is so exhausting, I hope you're getting a break. It helps me indefinitely to read and hear over and over and over again that it will get better!


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