# Need advice on sassy 3-year-old



## fiorio (Aug 30, 2006)

My 3-year-old son has recently started telling me things like "Stop talking" or "Be quiet" when I ask/tell him something he doesn't like, such as "please put your truck back in your bedroom". DH and I don't talk like that, so we're not sure where it started from. I assume it is just a normal development for his age, but it's driving me crazy!

Any suggestions on dealing with this and putting a gentle stop to this behavior? I have been responding by explaining that it is rude and asking how he would feel if I spoke to him like that. He of course says he wouldn't like it, so I tell him I don't like it either so please don't speak to me like that because it hurts my feelings.

And then he does it again 20 minutes later...









Help me BTDT mamas, you're my only hope. Do I need to keep doing the same thing until it finally sinks in with him and he changes his behavior, or do I need to try a new technique?


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## nathansmum (Nov 13, 2003)

Dunno, maybe I'm crazy, but I don't mind so much when my ds feels can say this to me. He doesn't say it often, but when he does it's almost like he's saying "ok, just get off my back!" and I personally take it as a sign that I've been at him too much and as a sign for me to back off. I just let him know that he doesn't need to say it quite the way he does, but he knows that he's entitled to speak up like that (when I was going through a yelling thing with the kids I told him it was totally ok to ask me to not yell, so it empowered him in our conversations) and it's just an extension of this.

So, I suppose it doesn't really bother me because it's not a stock standard response from him. I would rather he can say that rather than just ignore me or scream and yell. I take it a sign to renegotiate things.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Does he sass and ignore the request? If he's saying it AS he does as he's told i'd not be too worried as he's just letting you know he knows he has a choice about it, and this time he's going to obey. But if he's using it as a way to get out of doing it then yeah, i guess i'd say "Mama can't stop talking because she's telling you something important, and it's important for you to listen". I have a friend with a sassy child and she includes relevant info about nice things in her requests "Put your truck away please, it's time for supper and i've made your favourite!" so now her DD listens to the whole request rather than just shutting down as soon as she hears a request she doesn't like.

If it's any comfort my child has been told all of about 3 times by a friend of mine "THat's not yours, that's mine" (when DD was pawing through her handbag) and DD says it to me about 20 times a day!


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Ds does that. Or if he is closer to me he puts his hand over my mouth. He's 3. He mostly does it if I am having a conversation with someone else, but also when I am saying something he doesn't like.

I nicely but firmly tell him that it is not polite, that I don't do/say that to him. I tell him that if he would like to say something to me, I'm listening.
It's a phase that is starting to pass I think.


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## colobus237 (Feb 2, 2004)

IME 3 year olds don't really get "how would you feel if you were me" kind of reasoning. You've already told him you don't like it. You could avoid adding power to the behavior by not responding to it - just assist him in following through with your request.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I respond just like I would if dh said something rude...I say, "I don't like to be talked to like that." sorry babe crying...


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## fiorio (Aug 30, 2006)

Thanks for all the suggestions! He does say it while ignoring my request and continuing with what he was doing. I think it will help to try to respond in these other ways. And most importantly not to get angry and make a big deal out of it.

He has also taken to telling me very seriously with his hands on his hips "Mommy, that's not a toy" so yeah...I guess he is going through a stage.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
I respond just like I would if dh said something rude...I say, "I don't like to be talked to like that." sorry babe crying...

My son, when he was a young 3, when through a short phase of covering my mouth and saying "be quiet!" At first, of course, I was annoyed, but when I paid attention I noticed that those were times that he really just needed some time to himself to calm down and think. After I figured out that him doing that was a reflection of how he was feeling, and not about me, I was able to handle it efficiently. When he covered my mouth I would simply tell him "I don't like having my mouth covered, please don't do that." At first I'd have to gently pull his arm from my mouth several times, but he eventually went to something else. As for the sassy (even though I hate that phrase when used in this way) tone of voice I'd tell him things like "I will get you X when you ask in a nice voice" or "I don't like being talked to that way."

But really, overall, I just ignored both phases. They both went away very quickly, like within 2 weeks.


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