# Spin-off: at what age do kids develop modesty?



## AuntNi (Feb 26, 2003)

The thread about little girls going topless reminded me of something: what's an "average" age for kids to develop modesty about nudity? I clearly remember shucking off my top at a friend's house the summer after Kindergarten, and how scandalized the entire family was. Hey, it was like 100 degrees, and we were running around in the sun - I was so hot.







What I most remember is how ashamed I felt - it sucked.

So at my house, I'm very big on helping DD feel healthy about her body. She's almost 7, and hasn't yet seemed to develop much modesty at home. She loves running around naked, which is fine with me as long as it's immediate family at home. I think what I'm mostly concerned with is that she doesn't experience a shaming experience from outside the family, like I did.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

My daughter is six and not modest in front of friends or family (or anyone, to be honest). She would happily strip naked to change clothes after swimming at the pool (or hell, swim naked if she could get away with it), run around naked in our yard with or without company over, go to the bathroom without closing the door no matter who's home, etc.

I don't encourage modesty, and I am sad when other people try to impose it on her (specifically, her dad's side of the family and my nana -- whose pool is private and whose home she was SOOOO excited to skinny dip at last September, only to have my nana insist she put on a suit and give me a %*&@ing lecture).

I suppose someday, she'll get modest on her own . . . at least for awhile. But hopefully she'll take after her mom, go through a modest phase, and then get over it and start being free again!







:


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## amcal (Jan 13, 2003)

My kids are almost 6 and 7 and just now they are developing modesty in front of daddy and others. They both still don't hesitate to strip down and run around naked at the house when it's just us. But, if others are around, they prefer clothes.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

My dd is suddenly very modest at 8. She wears a bathing suit to bathe with her little brother, lol! A year ago, she was still very much the nudist at home.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I'd say that between 6 and 8 is probably typical for girls, though anything between 3 and 12 isn't unusual at all.

As well, some people are just more or less modest. I lived in residence for years and every house had one person with no modesty at all, and somebody else who was debilitatingly modest.


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

My boys are 3 and 6, and neither are terribly modest, but both will run and put pants on when the doorbell rings. They'll both run around the house naked when it's just us, and they'll change in the middle of the locker room at the Y (as opposed to in a stall like I do). Actually, they have the same level of modesty as I do, minus gender considerations (I don't change in the middle of the locker room because there are men there, but if it was women and kids only, I would and have).


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Ds is 7, almost 8. I would say somewhere just before or after 7 he developed modesty around anyone who isn't a close family member. I think that's when he started closing the door to go to the bathroom when people outside the family were around.

He's not really got any modesty for the family - his sister was in the bathroom playing with him while he was taking his bath (he was in the tub, she was out of the tub). But at the same time, he's not really parading around naked anymore (he never really did, the child has no body fat and so he gets cold easily).

Dd, on the other hand, is 4, nearly 5 and doesn't have an ounce of modesty. We do enforce the rule that she must be at least wearing something on her bottom if she's in the front yard or if friends come over. I'm afraid the neighborhood kids (most of them 3-5 years older) are going to make fun of her this year for taking her top off. One of the kids mentioned last summer that "if she does that in a few years, it's going to be really embarrassing" to which I responded "by the time it's embarrassing, she'll have learned to keep her shirt on. She's 4, she doesn't look any different from a boy now."


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

At home, my 8 and 9 y/o aren't very modest _at all_ ("close the door if you're using the restrooom!!!") In public, I'd say they're pretty modest.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

My dd never has. My son had the sudden onset of modesty at 6 years.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

DD1 is 6 and is just starting to develop modesty at times. 6 months ago she was still stripping in front of everyone and jumping into lakes but I think those days are starting to be over.


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## NikonMama (Jan 8, 2008)

My DS is 10, and he is weird. He gets completely embarrassed and won't let anyone see him change his shirt or see him shirtless, but he'll walk around completely naked from his waist down after a shower without a care in the world. I have no idea why.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

since the age of 5 my dd discovered about other people's preferences. she still doest have an ounce of modesty at 6 1/2 (no problems sitting crosslegged with underwear showing under her dress) but she knows others who dont like to see her naked. where it is acceptable she is naked. where not she will at least put on underwear.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

I remember freaking out when I was four, because my Mother made me swim in the kiddie pool with just a bathingsuit bottom on. My sister? She was 11 and walking around shirtless and probabtly still would be if she had been allowed to after she started getting boobs. My Neice just turned 8 and she still has absolutely no modesty. My little girl started getting modesty around age 5, and now that she's 8 1/2, she'll only get dressed in front of other female close family members. My son was extremely modest (wouldn't even go shirtless!) until he was about 10, now I have to get on his case about walking around the house in his underwear.


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## floss&ferd (Mar 6, 2009)

My dd1 was 10 before she really cared.

My ds is 6 and is starting to be more modest. He dresses in his room with the door closed, etc. He showers alone but will occassionally want to take a bath and have me wash his hair.

DD2 is 5--no signs of modesty yet!

But I think temperment plays a role in it. Ds is much more reserved than either of his sisters. He won't dance or sing in front of other people either. The girls will sing and dance on anything that closely resembles a stage.


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## JesiLynne (Aug 25, 2004)

dd1 is 10 1/2 and is just now ( barely) starting to care.


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## karika (Nov 4, 2005)

I dont believe modesty is a natural behavior, and that it is always attached to shame. I believe it is a learned behavior to want to cover up. In our society, it is learned from parents, society and television mostly (led by the judgments of religion). When it is warm, I prefer to stay naked and dd1 also did. Until she first saw something about shame (modesty) on tv, and heard it from relatives. it was around 4 that she first insisted on no one looking at her. but we have had flip flops of the behavior, when i found a place to stay out off a dirt road way up a mountain, (without tv) we both went naked and she acted as though it was normal again (we were naked all spring and summer until she was 2, in our home when she was 3, then i stayed on the mountain when she was 5). It is her decision and since momma is the only one telling her she can be naked if she wants, and everyone else says it is 'wrong', then she has made a decision to stay covered mostly unless she is bathing. So, in this society, it seems to me it occurs between 4-6.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

DS is almost 7 and has no problem being naked at home. I think he's much more modest in public though. He says he would not change in front of friends. I think my MIL has heavily influenced him in a way that I thought was excessive modesty. I know I've had to talk to him a couple times about showing his butt to his friends a few years ago.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

DD is 10, she's pretty modest around people outside the immediate family. At home though, not so much.


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## anj7 (Jul 7, 2007)

My DD1 started being modest at around age 5, in Kindergarten. I noticed it at the outdoor pool where she was starting to get changed awkwardly under the towel. I asked her to step out so she could get dressed more easily and she insisted that she could do it 'this way' and was alright. I didn't press the issue as I didn't want to make it a bigger deal.

She'll run naked in our backyard and is not modest at home. I can't think of what the trigger was for her to start being modest at age 5 at the public pool. DD2 is 4 now and I don't see developing the same level of modesty as DD1.


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