# ceremonies to honor a m/c child?



## moongazer (Sep 17, 2002)

I just recently had a m/c. I really wanted to bury her but that wasn't possible. So now I am at a loss. I really want to have some kind of a ritual or ceremony to honor what she meant to us.
I feel the need to return something to the earth. but what? Would any of you feel comfortable sharing what you did?


----------



## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

We lost our first, we had been trying for a year to get pregnant and were devastated by the loss. We named the baby, and my husband and I wrote her a letter. We had a picture of the ultrasound and had that in a frame with some flowers. We burned the letters we had written her and just medatated while they burned. I felt much better after that. Actually, last night, for the firt time, I thought I felt her presence in the house. It was nice once I figured out what it was.


----------



## frogertgrl (Nov 28, 2002)

First, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you thought of participating in a Jizo ceremony? You can contact your local Buddhist temple and ask when/if these are held in your area.

Take care.


----------



## moongazer (Sep 17, 2002)

Thank you so much for sharing your ideas.
I like the idea of writing a letter.
I'm wondering what a Jizo ceremony is? I did an internet search and didn't come up with anything that explained it. Could you elaborate?


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I'm so sorry for your loss. We did a ritual similar to what Khris described. I wrote a ltter to the baby and we made an offering to the gods and burned the letter. It was really healing for me. I didn't do it until 4 years after our loss.

Khris, I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss also. I didn't know.


----------



## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I just wanted to add that since you feel a need to return something to the earth, the ashes from the letter might be nice??


----------



## BigBelly03 (Dec 3, 2002)

Although I am not Catholic, I have each of the babies I have lost to miscarriage listed in The Book of Life at the Church of the Holy Innocents in NYC. They have sent me a beautiful certificate with the baby's name I chose and the date of the loss in calligraphy. Once a month the parishoners of this church pray for the families who have lost babies (either through miscarriage, still birth or abortion) I will be naming the baby I lost on Dec. 21 soon and then I will have a certificate for this one too. Having a naming ceremony has been a very healing experience for me. Your baby can be named online and they will sent you a certificate. Anyone can do this, regardless of your religion or how long it has been since the loss. I thought I would mention this because this is a rare option in our culture. http://www.innocents.com Click on "Book of Life" in sidebar at the site. You will be taken to a page that explains the Church's ministry and a form to fill out and name your baby or just have the baby listed as "Little One" or "Child of...[your family name]". You will receive your baby's certificate in 6 to 8 weeks with a letter from one of the Sisters.


----------



## moongazer (Sep 17, 2002)

WOW! The message on that sight is beautiful. Thank you so much for posting it. I did register our baby and it does help to know that she will be remembered. I'm very sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing your story.


----------



## seagan (Jul 5, 2002)

I'm sorry for your loss, Moongazer, and wish you much strength and support in the days to come.

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in mid-October of this year. It was a "natural" miscarriage, at home, so we were able to have a little burial. Just as healing, though, was planting some daffodil bulbs over the site. Here in Minnesota, they'll bloom around the time the baby would have been due, and do so every year. I find that tremendously healing and comforting, as was the act of planting itself.

I know you're unable to have a burial, but perhaps the "burying" of some seeds or plants (or a tree or shrub) could be a symbolic substitute.

peace to you,
darcy


----------



## BigBelly03 (Dec 3, 2002)

moongazer, I wish you healing and peace as you move through the letting go process with your precious baby. Having these certificates made up for each of my angel babies gives me something tangible and also confirms their existence which is so important. Since we live in a culture that pretty much expects us to just deny the whole experience of the lost pregnancy and our bond with the baby (which often develops long before the baby was conceived.) Moving through the grief process can be very hard, in fact much harder than it has to be. Hopefully more and more options will be available to help us memorialize our babies. Let us know when you receive your baby's certificate







Love, Debbie


----------



## Chelsea (Dec 22, 2001)

We have buried two "lost" babies over the past year. This last one, my DD, who is 3, was very upset about the loss. We did not have her and DS at the burial, but we did have them come out and plant 6 tulips, one for each of us, and one for each of the babies we lost. This has seemed to help the children, and myself.

Also, after the first miscarriage, my friend gave me a silver angel with Jamie, the baby's name, written on it. So this time, I went and got a similar angel, wrote "Reine" onn it, and both are hanging in windows. Helps me to have a little bit of a remembrance near by.

Peace to you all.

- Chelsea


----------



## frogertgrl (Nov 28, 2002)

Moongazer, I'm so sorry I missed your question here about the Jizo ceremony! I don't know how I missed this continuing thread, but I did.

The Jizo ceremony is something offered within Zen Buddhism. Not every Zen Center offers this ceremony but it might be something to look into if you feel so led. I live in No California and there a couple of Zen Centers who offers this to anyone who wants to participate.

Here is a brief description of the Jizo ceremony for one in my area:

A Ceremony for Children Who Have Died

We will gather together to acknowledge and mourn the death of
children through abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, and death after
birth. We will make offerings and say good-bye in a ceremony of
remembrance and letting go, with the intention of nurturing and
tending both the beings who have died and beings who continue to live.
Please bring a small piece of red cloth, scissors, needle, and thread.
Both men and women are welcome.

There is no fee for the ceremony. Donations are gratefully accepted.


----------

