# post 'locker room' stories here



## titania8 (Feb 15, 2007)

hey, i have a friend, pg with her second (unknown sex). dh wants to cut, mom doesn't. dad is worried 'the locker room'. so i told her i would gather some stories about how much of a non issue it is. i know i've read some accounts of kids talking about the locker room.

thanks!


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## PlainandTall (May 21, 2010)

I think the locker room thing is a myth. I think there are people who have stories... and there are people who were teased about lots of things... like their name, their weight, their height, their freckles, their acne, their chest hair.... probably everyone has a story about something mean someone said or something "funny" that their friends used to pick on them about that hurt their feelings deep inside- but only when it comes to circumcision is this used as an excuse to cut off a part of a child's body.

Tell your girlfriend to think like an adult and not like a schoolchild. The problem is not children bullying children... the problem is ADULTS bullying adults.... and adults use this fake idea of anti-bully protection as a coercive scare tactic to bully other adults into protecting their own investment in circumcision as the status quo. They need all the boys to be circumcised to validate their decision and to hopefully leave their circumcision decision unquestioned. They are afraid that the mere existence of an intact child (he doesn't need to be a bully, it's even "worse" if he's a friend or a nice and popular guy) will possibly make all the lies about circumcision fall flat. They don't want their decision challenged by the flesh and blood truth. They don't want their circumcised son to ever think critically about it- that's why the "when he can't remember it" argument is so popular... if circumcision was such a great thing and such a reasonable thing... why would it be so bad to remember it? It's not a question of memory... it's a matter of critical questioning.

I'll finish with a locker room story... My husband works a very tough job with a locker room and showers 2x a day. Almost every employee is male and they have radios to keep the crew in contact. There is a ton of banter and jabs all day on the radio- that radio banter is one of my husband's favorite parts of his job. Anyway- soon after he was hired, he got a nickname, (one that any guy would be proud of- and it's very obscure- it's an inside joke)... he was very embarrassed when it got pinned on him- when he came home and told me what it was- even I had to laugh- because as far as nicknames go- it's a really good one. Anyway- he and a bunch of the guys on the crew are expectant dads- and one day he was talking to one of the other guys- (who he happens to know is intact) and he mentioned that we WILL NOT circumcise this baby... the guy seemed to have a >blink blink WOW!< kind of moment... because I guess he just assumed that my DH would be one of those dads who would be insisting on a baby matching etc... the fact that my husband said that- I think made this guy feel so good about himself, having grown in in the midwest he probably had encountered so much negative stuff against the natural male body- to have my DH defend his future baby like that was a SUPER lift to this other guy's feelings about his own body. So there is a story about a locker-room type of incident that worked out really well for everyone.


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## K703 (Dec 15, 2008)

I'm a 25-year-old intact man and never received any bad comments about being intact in the locker room (in fact given how many of them now operate it's doubtful that anyone ever saw my penis when I was changing, period).


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## homeschoolingmama (Jun 15, 2007)

I asked my brother this who is 19. He was heavy into football so was in locker rooms a lot. He said, "A guy wouldn't be caught dead looking at another guys junk." He never had an issue.


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## dianakaye (Mar 20, 2009)

When we were still deciding about DS I wanted to talk to some men that were intact. I only know of 2 and they're my cousins-in-law. There are 5 brothers in that family and the older two were circed and the younger three are intact (actually it could be 3 circed, 2 intact, I forget). Anyway I talked with the younger two who are 19 and 16. The 19 year old is in the National Guard and the younger goes to public high school. I asked if they ever were teased and they said "no" and I asked if they ever wished they were circed and they said "h*** no. I like myself just the way I am". It was huge for me to hear that because I had believed what other adults had said (and you're right, it's more of an adults bullying adults into RIC than boys teasing other boys).


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## VeezieTG (Nov 10, 2006)

@Plainandtall:























my bf was in boy scouts from cubbies to eagle. like 12 years total of scouts. this included sports, camping, all kinds of incidents when boys would wind up seeing each other one way or another. he said he knew of a few intact boys but no one ever EVER talked about it. of my 3 brothers, all grown up in group homes/orphanages, all athletes, with 2 in the military, and 1 an ex-rough neck, they also never EVER talked about each other's junk. and this was in a time when the average here was much more circumcised-heavy. in michigan, where i think the op is from, there is still a high rate, but i mean, in general, its getting better. so if you'r in a room naked with 10 guys, and 4 are intact and 5 are not, i am pretty sure no one would dare make a comment. and even if, let's say, someone did come to a point in their life when they were teased about such a thing, offer them surgery then. i mean, in all fairness, it should be up to them to begin with.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

Back when I was in HS, one day 2 guys I was friends with met me at my locker. One guy tells me about how earlier after gym the other guys under pants got pulled off as a joke (by some other guy.) Then hoping I would be freaked out by it he tells me that the other guy isn't circ'd. Instead of being freaked out by it, I laugh at him and inform him that no one in my family is circ'd and I think circ'd ones look like upside down alienheads.

OK, I know I shouldn't have called circ'd ones upside down alien heads (even if it is a pretty accurate description,) but even in the near universal circ happy 1980s, there were plenty of us who thought the circ'd one were the non-standard version. These days, with the circ rate falling all the time, the intact penis is going to become more and more the standard model of what people in the US think of as normal.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

IMO, total myth. No school I ever went to required showers and no one EVER took them together in sports (that I know of) or in PE. Neither do the school my little bro goes to a few states away. I don't remember anyone ever mentioning circ vs. uncirc, either. And most of my friends were guys.


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## Lillitu (Jan 19, 2009)

And here's the deal: even if it isn't a complete myth and some boys to get made fun of, it doesn;t matter as an argument.

Why? Because you cannot protect your child from teasing. All children get teased and there's not a thing you can do to stop it. Whether it's about an intact penis, some other body part, a family member, a name, etc. We all get teased some way.

Rather than try and shelter a child from the inevitable, I say teach your child to love himself and be able to brush off bullies emotionally. That is the best approach.


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## annablue (Apr 6, 2010)

My husband is intact and I asked him once, while discussing circumcision, "did you ever get teased for it?" He looked a bit baffled and was like, "uh, no, why would I? Does that even happen?" Obviously it was a non-issue for him.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *homeschoolingmama* 
He said, "A guy wouldn't be caught dead looking at another guys junk." He never had an issue.

I've heard this, too.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lillitu* 
And here's the deal: even if it isn't a complete myth and some boys to get made fun of, it doesn;t matter as an argument.

Why? Because you cannot protect your child from teasing. All children get teased and there's not a thing you can do to stop it. Whether it's about an intact penis, some other body part, a family member, a name, etc. We all get teased some way.

Rather than try and shelter a child from the inevitable, I say teach your child to love himself and be able to brush off bullies emotionally. That is the best approach.

I completely agree. My daughter has red hair and gets made fun of sometimes. I wouldn't dye her hair. I wouldn't alter them at all. Whoever makes fun of someone-that's the bully's issues, not my kids. They need to grow up and be nicer. You can't protect your kids from all teasing-kids always find _something_.


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## Katie T (Nov 8, 2008)

I have 3 brothers, the youngest is 15 (next month) and the oldest is 26. They have never had a issue in the locker room. 2 of them were jocks and the oldest wasn't into sports (you still have to change for p.e. but people not in sports in our school get picked on really bad). That was one thing my DH wanted to know when we were making the choice not to circ our DS.

Like my brothers said, it would be worse for them to say something because then they are admitting they looked at another guys penis. I thought that was a really good point.

They are all happy they were left intact as well, which made me very happy with my choice.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

Wouldn't a person have to look closely to notice the difference between intact and cut when flaccid? I mean, it's all shriveled up anyway.


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## So-Called (Jun 2, 2005)

My (circumcised) DH was involved in Scouts, sports, and summer camps growing up. He was also in the military, and private showers weren't an option where he was stationed. It was basically one big room for 50+ men.

When we weren't in agreement on circ'ing, he brought up the locker room argument and how many communal showers he'd taken over the years. I asked him if he'd seen boys and men who were intact, and he said yes. So I asked him what had happened to those boys and men in the showers (thinking to myself, surely it must have been terrible if we would have to circ to prevent it). Without thinking, he rolled his eyes and said, "You don't comment on another guy's unit! That's just asking for trouble."

I looked at him for a second and asked, "So why are we even having this conversation?" With an extremely sheepish look on his face, he said, "Um . . . I don't know."

He never brought up the locker room again, and by the time our son was born, he said no as adamantly as I did when we were asked if we wanted him circumcised. The locker room is the least of our worries, but even if it were still an issue, we've met or heard of a surprising number of intact boys his age lately. (Most of them, incidentally, are the sons of physicians.)


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## Laggie (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kavamamakava* 
Wouldn't a person have to look closely to notice the difference between intact and cut when flaccid? I mean, it's all shriveled up anyway.

No IME it's pretty obvious, the whole profile is different. It's harder to tell when it's erect than when it's flaccid.

I can't ask DP about locker room teasing, as he's European. But I must say that I think I would rather have a kid who gets made fun of for being intact than a son who gets made fun of for being circ'd. Circumcision is not common here anymore (West Coast Canada). I wouldn't want my kid coming home and saying the other boys told him his parents had part of his penis cut off for no reason. That seems a lot tougher to justify.


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

I just can't believe people can get the "locker room argument" out of their mouths without dying of embarrassment. It's basically saying "I'd like to amputate part of my son's penis so that other people, particularly other young men, will be pleased to see it."


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## mary3mama (Apr 2, 2004)

I asked dh about the 'locker room' idea when I was pg with our first.

His reply was: "If someone is looking at my penis in the locker room they have far more problems than I do."

When his father, upon learning that our first born was not circ'd, said, "someday he will ask you why you look different from him;" my dh, without skipping a beat said, "I'll tell him, mine is bigger and hairier but all that matters is that it works well."









from the mama of 2 uncirc'd boys....


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## erin23kate (Apr 16, 2009)

My husband was an intact football player in the midwest in the 90s.

In all of his locker room years, there was only ONE comment, ONCE. My husband responded with "Uh, why are you looking at my d!ck?" Never happened again.

In my opinion, boys are too afraid of being called gay (unfortunately) to comment on another guy's equipment.


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## tylerdylan (Aug 29, 2007)

I researched the rates of circumcision about 8 months ago after learning my nephew had just had his done in case I needed stats to throw at them (my boys are both intact). According to Stats Canada the current rate is roughly 60% intact vs 40% cut in Canada. I would assume it is similar in the USA. As far as I'm concerned it is more common these days to NOT circumcise than it is to do so there shouldn't be any locker room issues!


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## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

I'm 42 years old, I am circumcised but here's the entirety of penis references I heard in all my time in school locker rooms boils down to one conversation, everyone dressed already, in which Obnoxious Jock was being mean to Helpless Scrawny Kid. Jock: So, do you do it with your left or right hand, I mean is it like this (makes exhagerated stroking motion with left hand) or like this (same motion with right hand). Scrawny kid: shut up.

Yep, that's it for penis talk in the locker room.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

My DH, who played football in HS and was born in 1980 (so lots of circ'd boys, I'm sure) doesn't recall class/team-mates comparing penises in the locker room. He's intact, BTW, and was never teased about it.

But yeah, by the time babies today are old enough to shower at school (I never, ever did this myself - but maybe it's a male thing), I imagine the circ vs. intact ratio will be pretty small.


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## 4chunut1 (Apr 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *erin23kate* 
My husband was an intact football player in the midwest in the 90s.

In all of his locker room years, there was only ONE comment, ONCE. My husband responded with "Uh, why are you looking at my d!ck?" Never happened again.

In my opinion, boys are too afraid of being called gay (unfortunately) to comment on another guy's equipment.

Yeah, I think the "locker room teasing" is really a red herring. I am an intact male and many years ago when I was in high school we had communal showers after sports practice. The circumcision rate was about 1/3 intact, 2/3 circ'd. Yeah, guys did "look," sneak-a-peek, just for comparison purposes, more for "size" than circ status. You CERTAINLY did not want to be caught staring, or even worse, making a teasing remark, or you would get a strong comment like the one above, as well as an accusation of being a "****," or "queer." ("Gay" did not have the same meaning then as it does now...)


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## mama2soren (Feb 12, 2009)

I asked DH, and he said it was an absolute non-issue. No one looked, and if they did, they certainly wouldn't admit that they were looking by making a snide remark!


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## titania8 (Feb 15, 2007)

wow, thanks everyone! i'll be sending her the link to this thread, and i'm sure it will help put things in perspective. thanks for sharing!


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## Fyrestorm (Feb 14, 2006)

My BFF's son (now 19) was in band and sports all through HS. He had all kinds of comebacks ready if anyone ever commented on his intactness. (I think he was actually looking forward to using them) My personal favorite was "Wait - I'm Not missing the best part of my junk and you're laughing at me?"

He NEVER got to use it - or any other comeback, not once, not ever. Now he's in the navy, on a submarine (talk about close quarters) and still, never has had a chance to use them....I guess either no one look, no one cares or no one wants to risk violating 'don't ask, don't tell.


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## Proxi (Mar 14, 2009)

I have heard of people being teased (I knew someone who was the "bully" in high school, and he admitted to bugging one kid who was uncircumcised) however, my husband said he has never been teased for being uncut.


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## LaLaLaLa (Oct 29, 2007)

My brother and I were discussing this. He said there was ONE guy in our entire high school who was intact, and everyone knew it. He told me who this guy was; it was someone on one of my brother's sports teams who I knew. My brother said that everyone tormented him whenever they got changed for sports and said how gross and weird it was.

The kid seemed to be fine; I don't know if the teasing bothered him, but my brother said that they DID do it and it WAS relentless all through high school. I'd imagine that if he had a response like "Why are you looking at my penis?" my brother would have come right back with something like "Well, it's just SO awful, how can I NOT look?"







He was (is) that kind of a guy.

Kids get teased for all sorts of things. Including being intact if that is the minority. I don't think it helps anything to say it never happens; it's just a matter of whether that information should have an effect on anyone's decision.


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

My bf in high school was intact. He didn't even know he was intact until I told him







. He was teased because he was skinny, because he had acne, because he had a birthmark on his thigh, but never because of his foreskin.


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

My brother is in university and he mentioned there was some foreskin related teasing, but it was the circumcised guys who were being mocked.


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## serendipity22 (Sep 19, 2006)

There was only boy in my year at school who had escaped the knife, because he was from the UK.

He was strong and athletic and nobody teased him about anything.

I think the locker room thing really is a red herring as mentioned before. I think it was invented to reinforce conformity. Kids can be teased over anything.

Since when is surgery performed because of fear of school bullies?


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## glongley (Jun 30, 2004)

I asked my older intact son (now 26) if he was ever teased in the locker room for being intact. Answer: No. (He's a man of few words). So I asked what would you do if anyone ever made a comment about you being intact. Answer: I'd ignore them.

End of conversation.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I had an opportunity today to discuss circumcision with a few young people who worked at a business in the mall where I attended a nurse in. I had two young ladies, one of which was pregnant, and a young man. I asked him about the locker room teasing issue and he laughed and said very strongly "You don't look down! You just don't do that."
Edited to add that this guy is 24 years old.


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## newmommy7-08 (Feb 2, 2008)

DH is circ'd but I asked him about this once when we were having the discussions about keeping DS intact... not that it would have swayed me. He said there was a kid on his football team who was intact. It was noticed, because whether they admit it or not guys do compare themselves to each other (in their own minds) in a group shower setting. No one ever said a word to this intact guy... because what guy in their right mind is going to admit to checking out another guy in a roomful of 1/2 naked and fully naked guys?


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## amydiane (Feb 4, 2009)

DH is intact and grew up in an area with a large population of people who circ for religious/cultural reasons. He was teased for other things, but never that.


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## nd_deadhead (Sep 22, 2005)

My twin sons just finished 10th grade. They have phys ed in school, including 3 weeks of swimming each year.

They have no idea of their best friends are circumcised or not, but considering that we live in a very high-circ-rate region, I'm guessing they probably are. The boys don't know because they don't look, and they don't ask. No one has ever commented on the state of their penises - but then, my sons don't go parading around the locker room naked (heck, they don't even like to change clothes in front of each other).

If anyone ever DID comment on the fact that they have foreskins, they have both told me that they would simply ask "Why are you looking?"

My DH is circumcised, and it has never been an issue for the boys. When they were little, the things they noticed about their Dad's genitals was that they were much bigger than theirs, and hairy. Sure, they noticed that his glans was expposed, but it never occured to them that his foreksin had actually been cut off - why would it? They simply assumed that he kept his foreskin pulled back. When they did learn about circumcision (at age 8), they were horrified, and the older they get, the more strongly they are opposed to infant circumcision. They were disgusted when my little brother had his son cut 3 years ago.

My DH and his brother were in their 40s when they learned that their Dad had been intact. Obviously they didn't spend a lot of time comparing penises. I think that's the case for most families.


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LaLaLaLa* 
Kids get teased for all sorts of things. Including being intact if that is the minority. I don't think it helps anything to say it never happens; *it's just a matter of whether that information should have an effect on anyone's decision.*


Good point!! I think that it is disingenuous to pretend locker room teasing _never_ happens. Maybe it happens far, far less than many men would imagine, but it does happen so to say that it does not and will not is not quite true.
But even if you could say with 100% certainty that this baby boy WILL be teased as an adolescent for having a foreskin.... is that REALLY a reason to cut it off?? Of course not! Heck, I was teased all through high school for stuff I did on purpose, like dress funny and dye my hair orange. If being teased by shallow classmates was really so awful, I could have simply chosen to not dye my hair orange, but I chose to be myself rather than conform and not be teased. How could any prospective parent think that they KNOW their son would be willing to part with his foreskin to avoid a few years of teasing, if I couldn't even part with a bottle of peroxide?
It all comes back again, as usual, to the circumcised father trying to justify his own circumcision. They have to feel like they were cut for a reason, and it makes them feel good to think that they avoided years of unbearable locker-room teasing because they were circumcised. Something like, "thank goodness my parents circumcised me as a baby so I avoided the sure sentence of years of teasing! I have to do the same favor for my son!" For a circumcised father, it can be tough to face up the the facts that a-it is very unlikely that his son will ever be teased for his intact status and that b- even if he is, high school is a short time in your life and c-with confidence in himself and compassion for others, he can deal with teasing without it being a big deal, and d- anyone who teases him for being intact is just acting on their own insecurities for being circumcised. And so, many husbands cling to the "locker room" myth. And by myth, I don't mean to say that teasing never happens, I have seen it myself, but I mean it is a myth to think that circumcision is a solution to the remote possibility of maybe some fleeting time of being teased by shallow people some years down the road.

As for the question of the OP, the "locker room" teasing I witnessed was never to the face actual teasing. It was more like college room mates and dorm mates telling their friends and girlfriends that "so and so" has an "anteater," delivered in hushed tones and giggles. Certainly these guys were just looking to hear that _their_ penises were okay. I'm sure the guy in question may have been stung by knowing they were calling him gross behind his back, but I didn't see him running out to have surgery because of it. I'm sure he had the satisfaction of knowing he had all his body parts and all his sexual nerve endings in place. Besides, he was the dorm "weirdo" anyway for reasons having nothing to do with his penis, so they would have teased him anyway. He didn't seem to care, he liked who he was and didn't seem to care if others thought he was cool or if his penis looked right to them.

So in summary, yeah teasing probably does happen from time to time, but I don't see how that could _ever_ be a reason to circumcise a baby.

Jen


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

I think that locker room teasing is as close to a myth as you can get. I was sent to a boarding school at the age of 6 and spent my entire grade school career in them. Every one had totaly open, communal rooms for baths and showers. In elementary school everyone looked and knew the status of his friends. We were even categorised (amongst ourselves) as either "roundheads" if you were circumcised or "cavaliers" if you were intact. The ratio was roughly 1/3 intact to 2/3 circumcised. Not once did I ever witness teasing based on circumcision status. The notion of being called queer if you were caught looking did not appear on anyone's radar until well into high school, and even then you could not help but notice. It was just accepted that everyone was different. If anything it was likely the circumcised guys who felt bad - I know I did - because it was quite obvious that we were missing something.


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## crystalcoast (Sep 6, 2018)

No locker room stories here, but a story nonetheless. I'm intact, and years ago was at a now defunct movie theater. I ended up having to pee, so off to bathroom I went. I didn't see, however, this little kid come in behind me. I get a urinal & he goes right next to me. As a side note, my foreskin has always been rather short, but when pulling myself out to pee, it doesn't take much to cover my glans completely. So I hear next to me 'Hey... what's that?'. I don't even think to respond, as my head was muddled from allergies. I finish up peeing, & go to wash my hands. As I get to the sink, the kid's already out the door, & I hear him say, in front of God, the whole lobby, and his mom 'Hey mom... there's a man in the bathroom with skin all over the end of his thing!!'. Very embarrassing to say the least, and ever since, I avoid urinals.


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

crystalcoast said:


> As I get to the sink, the kid's already out the door, & I hear him say, in front of God, the whole lobby, and his mom 'Hey mom... there's a man in the bathroom with skin all over the end of his thing!!'. Very embarrassing to say the least, and ever since, I avoid urinals.


You should be proud and very thankful of your intact status. On the bright side, maybe you prompted an uncomfortable explanation on the part of the kid's mother. Who would want to explain why they cut off part of their kid's penis ! I think parents who perform genital reduction surgery on their sons should be held accountable.


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## momhouse (Apr 16, 2020)

titania8 said:


> hey, i have a friend, pg with her second (unknown sex). dh wants to cut, mom doesn't. dad is worried 'the locker room'. so i told her i would gather some stories about how much of a non issue it is. i know i've read some accounts of kids talking about the locker room.
> 
> thanks!


I totally agree with the others that suggest boys don't look at each other in the locker room. I have intact twin boys and both were asked a few years ago during the sex talk. They said no one would be caught dead looking at another boy and never ever say anything.... ever. At their school they actually did not require full nude showers either. It is different today than it was 20+ years ago.

I even asked if any of their friends were intact and they honestly seemed to have to no clue. Myth busted.


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## crystalcoast (Sep 6, 2018)

I was once at McDonald's waiting for food, went to pee, & as a kid as coming out of the stall, he happened to see my foreskin. His face lit up like a Christmas tree! He couldn't take his eyes off it for some reason. I always wondered if I was the first intact guy he saw or was happy he wasn't the only one? After I was done, I got food & ate. Very odd experience to me.


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## hakunangovi (Feb 15, 2002)

crystalcoast said:


> I was once at McDonald's waiting for food, went to pee, & as a kid as coming out of the stall, he happened to see my foreskin. His face lit up like a Christmas tree! He couldn't take his eyes off it for some reason. I always wondered if I was the first intact guy he saw or was happy he wasn't the only one?


Either way, I would count it as a positive experience ! My guess is that you reinforced his intact status.


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## momhouse (Apr 16, 2020)

Two boys uncircumcised in the midwest here. Rates are still higher than they should be, but they were never teased. As a matter of fact they have 10 or so very close friends. My boys and three others were not circumcised. That is 50/50. I have spoken to them about this as they started to hit puberty. They are super glad we did not have the most sensitive part messed with. They thanked us. 

Today boys don't get fully naked in front of each other. No schools around here do. When they do have to shower for sports they are setup with privacy in mind. The locker room issue died years ago. 

Same for having to look like Dad. My boys have not ever seen their Dad naked since they were very little. Even then there was no concept of more or less skin. It was all about size difference and hair.


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