# How old for a boy to use a public bathroom by himself?



## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

(Mods, please move if this is the wrong place for this.)

Mamas with sons, at what age will you/do you let them use a public restroom by himself, if you were standing outside? Does it depend on the place? What are your opinions on the whole idea?

I only ask because I just came out of a bathroom stall in a restaurant to find an (at least) eight year old boy staring at me. His mother and sister were in the bathroom with us. It just struck me as very odd for a boy that age to be in a ladies' room. He also looked incredibly embarrassed.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Hmmmm...at 8 I don't think it odd....My neice is 7 and sil still takes her to the washroom....


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

My DS is only 18mos so I'm not sure yet. Will probably depend on his maturity & personality, I don't think any one age is best for all kids. I think at the age most kids are able to stay home alone (which I guess is around age 10-12) most kids should be able to use the bathroom themselves. Also depends if it is a multi-stall or single-person bathroom, and whether the kid has any problems with things like locking themselves in, too comfortable with strangers, disabilities, etc. I wouldn't think twice about seeing an 8 year old in a women's restroom, but I would think it was strange to see a 14-yo (though still, they could have some not-obvious disability & require help or supervision).


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## Minxie (Apr 15, 2008)

It depends on where we are. My four-year-old decided the day before his fourth birthday that he wanted to use the men's room at the movie theater we frequent. If we are in a location where we are comfortable, he is allowed to go to the men's room by himself. If not, he comes into the women's room or family room with me.

FTR, he is mature and big for his age, and often mistaken for a six-year-old.


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I think it depends on the location. Ds is 9 and he used the restroom alone everyone we go except the airport, we use the family bathrooms then. Sorry but I'm not letting him out of my sight in places like O'hare and Dallas.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

wes was 10
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DahliaRW (Apr 16, 2005)

It totally depends. My ds1 (5 1/2) is perfectly capable. But, I do worry about pervs and child molesters in public bathrooms. I know it's rare, but there was a case a few years back where an 8yo boy was molested by a man in a bathroom at chuck e cheese just an hour or so from my house. So it really would depend on where the restroom was and such.

Right now if it's a one person bathroom I let him go. Other than that I go with him. Since I have 2 boys, I think once they get too old for the women's bathroom I will have some comfort in being able to send them together.

Strange thing is, I'd worry less about my dd using a bathroom by herself at a younger age (if she were out with her dad or something). I guess it's just easier to think of a male child molester more than a female. I know they exist, but it's rarer.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I'm okay with my 7 yo DS using the men's bathroom depending on the location and my vibe of the place. Other places, I have no qualms about bringing him in with me to the women's bathroom... and really, if it's just he and I somewhere, he has to come in with me anyhow, b/c I'm not comfy leaving him standing around Target, or wherever.


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## Mummoth (Oct 30, 2003)

My son was 5/6 when he started going into the mens room at places we frequented (if we were somewhere unfamiliar he'd go in the women's with me) I would follow him right up to the door and yell in after him "I'll wait right here for you!" so whoever was in there knew that kids mom was hovering. If he wasn't back out again in 2 or 3 minutes I'd crack the door and say "Hey R, are you okay in there?" and usually he'd yell back that he was washing his hands or "Leave me alone, I'm trying to POO!!" he's 8 now and goes into the mens room on his own anywhere.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

My son is 9, and it's just been recently that he's been using the men's room (unless dh is with us) on his own (other than single stall bathrooms). And, the truth is, more than worrying about him going into the men's room on his own, I worried about leaving him outside the restroom by himself while I went or took the younger ones. There was just so much potential for trouble - not necessarily adults with nefarious purposes in mind, but bored little boy with mischief in mind. He has always been a wanderer, and I still worry about coming out of the restroom and finding him gone. In any case, I don't really see it as a big deal unless he's peeking under stalls or putting his eye up to the crack of the door. That's not what you meant by "staring at me" was it? Or was he just standing there looking annoyed and bored because he finished faster than his mother and sister?

ETA: dd, 7, still goes into the men's room with dh when I'm not there. She doesn't feel comfortable going into the restroom by herself - so either she goes to the men's room with dh, or dh pisses a bunch of women off by crashing the women's room (which he obviously chooses not to do). Honestly, I can understand men having problems with girls in their restrooms more than women having problems with boys in theirs - since men don't have stalls to pee in.


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## moobiegirl (Sep 10, 2007)

For me it depends on the place. I still take ds in the ladies room with me, but once he goes to school and is expected to be independent there I may let him while were out. However, he just started asking to use the stall by himself. So I stand right outside the stall door waiting for him. If there is a family restroom we will use that one.


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## bobandjess99 (Aug 1, 2005)

about 5.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DahliaRW* 
Strange thing is, I'd worry less about my dd using a bathroom by herself at a younger age (if she were out with her dad or something). I guess it's just easier to think of a male child molester more than a female. I know they exist, but it's rarer.

Plus the women's restroom is usually pretty busy, seems less likely that a predator would try to get away with anything in such a busy spot...


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## kayabrink (Apr 19, 2005)

I couldn't let ds use a public restroom alone; and he's almost seven. I think I'll drag him to the ladie's room as long as HE can stand it. I mean, it's not like he can see anything that's going on in there...
The high school I went to did not have gender segregated washrooms- teenage boys and girls used the same washroom; urinals were on the back wall, and stalls along both sides. It's cultural; but I would take the boy's embarassement as a sign that something might need to change... That being said, his mom was the one using the rest room. Where was she supposed to leave him, just outside the door? Anyone could walk by and grab him (ok, I have super kidnapping- paranoia)


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Ds turned 9 this spring, and just in the last few months has he been OK going into the men's room on his own.

He's a tall kid for his age (as tall as a few of the 11 year olds in the neighborhood), so you probably would have been surprised to see him in the women's room with me last year. He wasn't ready.

I also feel that the women's room is safer for younger boys. Women are much less likely to be predators. It's safe for the women too. There are stalls so he can't see anything, and no one can see him.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

I still take my 7.5 yo in with me and will for a while yet, though he's starting to protest a bit. He's small for his age and this world is too dangerous a place. The only real exception I make is when it's a single-user bathroom, and I have let him go into the men's room at church (if DH isn't with us for some reason, which is rare) because I know most of the people around. I just wait outside the door and if he doesn't come out in a timely manner, I open the door and call after him.


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## leighi123 (Nov 14, 2007)

Ds just turned 3 and is allowed to go in certian public restrooms alone. Only at a couple restaurants we go to where I know he can do the doors by himself and I can see the restroom door from our table. He can handle everything on his own and I could hear him yell if there was an issue. As soon as he comes out I take him back in to wash his hands b/c he cant reach!

By 4-5 I'll only take him to the family bathrooms, and by 6 at the latest he can go in the men's room alone, I'll wait outside! I HATE going in public restrooms at all and only have to b/c ds's bladder is only so big.

BTW Im a single mom so I dont have a guy to take him potty!


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## zebra15 (Oct 2, 2009)

By the time my DS was 6 we were working on public bathroom etiquette and he was 'fully trained' by the time he was 7. If we are in a place like target or whatever he usually will wait on the bench with the cart for me then we switch spots. If its a restauraunt one of us waits at the table then again we switch. The mall sometimes we take a family bathroom but if its Macys/dillards etc we just go our seperate ways and meet outside, usually by the waterfountain in the middle. (we usually go to the bathroom near the kids area so if for somereason ds gets lost the clerks are more apt to be helpful).

Im a single mom too and DS just needs to be self sufficient at times. Ive never had a bathroom problem.

If we are on the 'roadtrip' same thing... he runs to the mens and i go to the ladies


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## tammyswanson (Feb 19, 2007)

Hmm, that's a tough one. There was a boy that got raped by a mentally unstable teenager where I grew up, it was a few years ago, but he was followed into the bathroom by the other kid. I think the boy was maybe 9? I can't find the old news article. But, ironically the bathroom is almost in the police substation! They caught the one who did it on the surveillance cameras.

I would say at least until they know to scream, yell and/or fight off an assailant. You may want to read "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin DeBecker and then decide for yourself.

If you have to have him go to the mens room when he's older, maybe at least wait outside the door? That way he'll be in there but you will be right outside.


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## NaturallyKait (Sep 22, 2006)

I understand the surprise you got. The other day at WalMart I was going into the washroom and saw a mother standing outside of the two washrooms waiting. I assumed she was waiting for her son or husband or someone to come out of the mens, but when I walked in the ladies there was a boy in there by himself, probably about 10 or 11 who was just finishing washing his hands and then left with her. Apparently she felt it was ok for him to go to the washroom alone but not the mens? It caught me off guard.


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## Attached2Elijah (Jun 27, 2004)

My son will be 7 in September and I started letting him go in at about 5.5 or so. I still stand right outside of the door. What makes me nervous is when we both have to use the restroom and I can't stand right outside the door. I have tried to make it a habit to make sure we go to the bathroom before we leave to go somewhere I think they might need to.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

I haven't taken DS into the restroom with me for a while now (he's 5). Usually I just stand outside the door or we use a family restroom if we're in a place that has them. DH and I tend to be together when we're out and about so I tend to make him go with DS (even though he usually talks about DS being okay to go alone). I've let DD go into the restroom alone since she was around 5 or 6, but I always stand outside the door unless we're at a small restaurant or a place we feel pretty safe.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Haven't read the other replies...

Totally depends on the kid and the bathroom. I do typically let my 8 year old go on his own, but I stay right outside. My 4 year old goes with me. In a huge place or if I'm alone and they both need to go, I'd have them both stay with me and use the ladies' room.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

Depends on the setting. My 5.5-year-old dd is big on independence, and she's been kicking me out of the women's room for about six months now. However, unless a bathroom is empty, I generally only go along with this if it's a one-person bathroom rather than a row of stalls. I've always either gone with my 4-year-son myself or asked dd to go with him, in the women's room, but just a couple days ago we were at Jo-Ann Fabrics and he put his foot down. He wanted to use the men's room, and all by himself. I looked in and while it was stalls and urinals, it was also empty and very clean. Craft and fabric store -- didn't seem to be a lot of men there.







So he got to use the public men's restroom all by himself for the first time at 4 years old. With his sister and I parked right outside the door the whole time looking intimidating.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Ds turned 9 this spring, and just in the last few months has he been OK going into the men's room on his own.

Same with my ds, just turned 9 and just got comfortable going to the men's room solo.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4evermom* 
Same with my ds, just turned 9 and just got comfortable going to the men's room solo.

I would be very uncomfortable with a nine year old in the woman's restroom with me.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

i never encountered problems taking ds into the bathroom. they have stalls
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

This is a tricky issue. The men's room is more dangerous than the women's room. I've read about adult men being assaulted in the men's room. I don't want adult men the women's room though. I only have girls, so this isn't an issue for me personally, but I wouldn't judge moms of boys if they want older boys in the women's room. There are stalls.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

it helps me that my boys are small. ds1 is almost 12 and short and 70lbs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I'm very glad more and more places have family restrooms! That solves this problem! I think it would really depend on where we were, when I let DS use the mens room. DD at 6.5 does NOT want me in the stall with her, and by about that age, I imagine I would be OK with DS going alone under some circumstances, but not others.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I would be very uncomfortable with a nine year old in the woman's restroom with me.

I wonder why, though. Assuming he isn't peeking at you, which wouldn't be okay no matter what his age, what about it makes you uncomfortable? If you're in a stall, he can't see you. I'm not criticizing you for feeling that way - just trying to understand it.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
I would be very uncomfortable with a nine year old in the woman's restroom with me.

Why?


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

It's interesting to see the range of replies here!

I can totally understand if you were alone and had nobody to watch your child while you went into the ladies' room. I didn't think of that - several of the boy's family members were still at the table while the mother, boy, and older sister went to the bathroom. It was at a Bob Evans at about 5pm.

As for the airport, I would probably drag a son with me in there too! Some of those bathrooms have two exits, and I can't imagine trying to cover both of them in case my child got turned around.

Like I said, I don't have a son, or a child that age, so it's nice to get an idea of the "normal" things to do in this situation.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
Why?

I wonder why, too. My DS is 7, and kinda tall - so there's a chance he could be mistaken for a 9 yo. Anyhow, his safety trumps a strangers comfort. He doesn't peer into stalls, any more than a 7 yo girl does...he hasn't gone through puberty, obviously, and he isn't the least bit interested in seeing some woman pull up her pants. I'll be damned if I'm going to leave him standing alone in a busy mall while I go pee - which is frequently (not the mall visiting part, but the peeing







).


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

i feel that a child should not be sent or left alone in public. i would not let my dd 8 or ds almost 4 go to the washroom alone. if it is just me and my 2 we go family washroom if there is none then we use the regual washroom the larger stall if there is one if not dd goes in one and me and ds go in one together. when we are out with my nephew who is 9 he comes in the the ladies room with us. all the children are taught you dont lok under stalls, in the cracks, or stand infront of the doors. you wait, go in a free stall pee, come out and go wash your hands and wait by the sinks for everyone else. we are talking 4 kids and 2 adults







.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MariesMama* 
I can totally understand if you were alone and had nobody to watch your child while you went into the ladies' room. I didn't think of that - several of the boy's family members were still at the table while the mother, boy, and older sister went to the bathroom. It was at a Bob Evans at about 5pm.

That is kind of weird, especially if there were male family members that could have accompanied the boy, but maybe they weren't actually family? Maybe the others were a separate family or maybe the mom & dad were dating/not married and not yet comfortable leaving their kids with each other?? Maybe that's a stretch but I can envision a few possibilities that might explain the scenario.


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mummoth* 
I would follow him right up to the door and yell in after him "I'll wait right here for you!" so whoever was in there knew that kids mom was hovering. If he wasn't back out again in 2 or 3 minutes I'd crack the door and say "Hey R, are you okay in there?"

This.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leighi123* 
BTW Im a single mom so I dont have a guy to take him potty!

And this, me too.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 
Anyhow, his safety trumps a strangers comfort.

Absolutely this.
Another thing I taught DS: when we're having to go together into a public women's room, or changing room such as at a pool or gym, I make sure to say to him (but just loud enough so any woman there can know I am consciously teaching him): "Make sure to avert your eyes. Look down as you walk, because in a public room like this, this is the only privacy you can give people".

My ds is 9-1/2yo now. Until recently he had butt-length hair, and is very pretty, so that really served in our favor in this kind of situation. He just had his hair cut. It's still chin length but there is no mistaking his gender now.
I don't care-- I will drag him into a women's room if I am unsure of his safety.

I do let him go alone depending on the situation. That's just in the last year or so. He couldn't care less about going in the women's with me though


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## redpajama (Jan 22, 2007)

I agree that it depends on the place, but I don't go anywhere on a regular basis where I wouldn't let my 5-year-old go into the bathroom alone. Even at an airport, as someone mentioned, I would be okay with it--I would probably just stand outside the bathroom and wait for him somewhere like that. In restaurants, stores, the library, et cetera, he goes to the bathroom by himself.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

I asked DH if he remembered how old he was when he started using the men's room alone...

He said he didn't know exactly, but he was fairly young. Of course, they lived in a really small town where everyone knew almost everyone and the stores and bathrooms were fairly small...So it wasn't a big deal.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

My 4.5 yr. old can go into the men's room by himself pretty much anywhere. I take him in with me if we are in a busy place without anyone to watch him (but I will let him wait outside with my 7.5 yr. old if they're both with me). My 7.5 yr. old rarely goes in a women's restroom anymore for any reason but isn't embarrassed about it when he does.


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## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

I honestly don't know, my boys are far from that, but I would guess by 5 or 6 certainly... I have a really hard time believing that mens rooms are really much more 'dangerous' than womens' rooms.


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## HeatherB (Jan 30, 2003)

My older boys are 8.5 and almost 6 (in 10 days). There are certain places where I let them (especially the older one) go alone - mostly places where I'm familiar with the restroom, can see it from where I am, know the clientele, and/or know it's only a single stall. If I'm alone with my boys, I will only send them into the women's room, even if I can't get in with them. That way, IF they need me for any reason, I *can* go in. If DH is with us, they can go in whichever one IF I feel it's a safe location.

I do NOT regularly allow them to go to the bathroom alone in big, public places. There are too many risks - even if small - and I can't take those sorts of risks. It can be a real bear to have three little boys out with no other adults and have them need to go potty. We try to make stops at home and then all together when we're out at the most opportune times, so we don't end up having to deal with being unable to accompany them.

I'm certain it will continue to be case-by-case for a long time. I have, and I'm sure will more in the future, stood outside a men's room to wait for my DS. If he were to be old enough (12? 13?) where I was uncomfortable with him in the ladies room but not comfortable with the location, either, that would be my approach, with admonition to him to yell loudly if he needed anything or anyone bothered him.

And while I'm probably paranoid, it doesn't take many cases of little boys being killed in the men's room to scar you for life.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

I don't have sons, but wanted to chime in ('cause I've got nothing better to do!).

The only times I've been _bothered_ by an older boy in the women's room is when the boy(s) are really rambunctious and obstructing the walking area or horsing around. Don't know why that bugs me.

I actually had a great experience with a 5 or so year old boy in a Nordstrom restroom when DD was tiny. You know how they have that little seating area inside the door but not in with the stalls? I was sitting there nursing DD when she was maybe 6 weeks old, and the little boy and his mom came in. She said to him, "shh, there's a baby" and he said, "the baby's eating, right? then she can take the baby to the potty?" The little boy made me feel so comfortable for some reason that I never hid in a restroom to nurse again.


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## Owen'nZoe (Sep 7, 2005)

My son is 6 1/2, and I've just started encouraging him to use the men's room in places where it feels safe (small restaurants, small shops, etc.). Any place where it is super crowded (the zoo, amusement park, the airport, etc.) he still comes in with me - he would still prefer that I let him come in with me in the smaller places, too, but I feel like it is time to start practicing for the day when he needs to use the men's room everywhere. He is tall for his age, and I suppose he probably looks older than he is to strangers, but no one has ever commented to me.


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## Adventuredad (Apr 23, 2008)

Good question which depend in too many factors, such as country, city, time of day, etc. My kids are 4 and 6.5 and they like to use restrooms in restaurants alone. I always offer to join and help out but they like to go alone many times. My 4-year old daughter is extremely independent (and stubborn), I would normally consider her age way too young. She does insist on doing things herself......

The trust I place in them has been built up during the years, they have shown to be very responsible. I also feel it's a great way to make them more independent, I'm only a short distance away in case I need to help out.

This works very well in Sweden but when we spend time in Mexico things are very different. In many cities it's unfortunately not possible to let the kids be alone for a second due to the crime rate.


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## laughingfox (Dec 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
This is a tricky issue. The men's room is more dangerous than the women's room. I've read about adult men being assaulted in the men's room. I don't want adult men the women's room though. I only have girls, so this isn't an issue for me personally, but I wouldn't judge moms of boys if they want older boys in the women's room. There are stalls.











I've heard a lot of creepy men's room stories from my guy friends over the years, and I worked a job once where I had to clean the restrooms, and the men's room was a MAJOR health hazard, every day.

I wouldn't be comfortable with sending any of my (hypothetical) DSs into a men's restroom before they're in their 20s. I'm sure I would wind up letting them before then ('cause what 14 year old wants to go to the women's room?), but it would depend on the place somewhat, and I certainly wouldn't be _comfortable._


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## pumpkinhead (Sep 15, 2003)

I still make my 8 year old accompany me if I'm alone with him depending on the place. There are some places I am comfortable letting him go alone. He's too old for a female locker room at the pool though.


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## ABO Mama (Aug 26, 2010)

My guys are 7, and I take them in most times.


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## noobmom (Jan 19, 2008)

I'm glad to hear the ages are on the higher side. My DS is 4 now and I am nowhere near ready to let him go to the bathroom himself. He's so short that he can't physically do it (often can't reach faucets/soap, can't get onto taller toilets) so people should take that into consideration as well.

At the local rec center they have an age cut-off (5 I believe). After that you can use the family locker room, but in order to access it, you have to walk through the gendered locker rooms. I understand that's a bit different though because people are actually showering and dressing in the locker rooms.


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## Chula13 (Feb 9, 2008)

I never let my son go to a public restroom alone and he will be 10 next month, when I first moved to vegas their was a story about a girl who was raped and murdered in a public restroom and it always stuck with me so i have always been too concerned to let him go alone.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chula13* 
I never let my son go to a public restroom alone and he will be 10 next month, when I first moved to vegas their was a story about a girl who was raped and murdered in a public restroom and it always stuck with me so i have always been too concerned to let him go alone.

I have gone back and forth on this one. I would be uncomfortable with a child of 8 or 9 being in a bathroom meant for the opposite sex. This scenario happened to a girl in a park bathroom where I live and it is why I don't let my dd go into a public bathroom by herself unless it is a one person bathroom though. I don't think it is right to expect moms of be more comfortable letting their boys go by themselves then I am with letting my dd go. That doesn't mean I am totally comfortable with it, but I understand it. Luckily family bathrooms and one person bathrooms are easy to find around here so it isn't something that comes up.


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

I have three boys and they often go together and I don't mind the two older boys going alone... the only one that I would rather not go alone just yet is my youngest (3 1/2), but that is because he sometimes he still needs help..

That being said, they sometimes all rather come with me if I need to go too...


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## Eclipsepearl (May 20, 2007)

I had no choice. Our public swimming pool doesn't allow 8 year olds in the ladies' dressing rooms. I hated it! He wears his swimsuit under his clothes and brings his gear out with him.

My girlfriend, who grew up in a rough neighborhood said "no way!" and took her son anyway for another year or so. Good for her!

I often use handicapped lavs and just bring the whole gang in when we're in public and I'm alone.

A quick word on airports; I'm a former Flight Attendant and I fly a lot with my kids. Try to use the restrooms AFTER security or BEFORE baggage claim/customs if you're arriving. The reason is that in that area of the airport, only passengers and employees are running around. No air-tight guarantee but at least you're no longer in the totally public area of the airport. They can also seal off that area more easily if a child does go missing.

What I do, unless a child has a bursting bladder, I check-in and get them through security as soon as I can.

I like the public restrooms with open doorways, no door to keep out any noise. I could call in if necessary. I ask my son to shout to me when he comes out of the stall.

One restaurant chain here in France has a good set-up. It's a family-geared chain. You walk in a common door where everyone washes his hands. There is a baby changer there too. The individual stalls are marked male, female and handicapped. So you can put your child of either sex directly in the stall, perhaps changing a little one at the same time right outside. Works great!

Be warned, there does come a day when boys don't want to come with you to the girly restroom. My son started around age 9. He wants to be a big boy and do it on his own. I have to be zen with timing him...


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