# cosleeping with newborn and 4 year old



## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

for those of you have coslept with a newborn and a four year old, can you talk to me about your experiences, advice, etc?

do you keep the newborn sleeping apart from 4 year old until you all get in the bed? i'm assuming it's not a good idea to leave the two of them in bed together, before me and DH are in bed.

i welcome any and all advice and tips and experience!!!

thank you


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

If the bed is big enough - I would think it is fine to have them sleeping together with a divider. You know your 4 year old - newborns don't move around much in their sleep, so dividing them by a pillow and checking frequently would be enough (at least for my DS - our bed is HUGE, surrounded by wall its that big lol - and he doesn't move around much - if he was alseep on one side and my newborn (dont have one yet - but the gap is gonna be bigger than 4 years at this point...sigh...) on the other side, with some pillows dividing their sleeping areas - that would work well for our family.
Once in bed, I would have eldest child between adults and baby on the one side of me only.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

I have a 5 month old and an almost 6 year old, so a little off but same issue really. I haven't left the little one to sleep in the bed with my older yet, but if my husband were not such a worrier, I probably would start about now. My LO is probably about 17 pounds, so he's pretty substantial, and I think he'd put up a fight if his older brother tried to roll over on him. But still, there is always a risk that he'd get kicked or hit inadvertently. But I doubt that would cause him any lasting harm.

I have a friend who separated her infant and older dd w a body pillow and that scenario really scares me. I could see my older tossing the pillow over baby and then rolling over on him, in his sleep, and that would be disasterous.







I'd like a minimum of blankets and pillows in the bed if they're in there w/o me.


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## jeliphish (Jul 18, 2007)

I would not have the 2 beside one another. My almost 3 year old (and anyother child for that matter) does not have the ability to be "consciously aware" during sleep like we are. I woke up to my DD1 moving in her sleep one nnight when DD2 was about 5 weeks and she had just rolled all the way on her. I think rules of safe co-sleeping always mention that baby and toddler should not be beside one another.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Dd was just under 4 when ds born. If they went to bed before us, we did put a divider (a large rolled towel) and when ds was tiny, if they didn't have one of us between them, we would use the towel also. Somewhere around 5 or 6 months or so we stopped with the divider.

-Angela


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## barcelona (May 1, 2006)

Thank you so much for all of these helpful replies!

Did any of you put the newborn in a moses basket, sling, or other such place to sleep until you went to bed, if and when avoiding having the two children in bed together?


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## mom2tatum (Mar 14, 2007)

definitely do not leave them in same bed together. divider or not. My 3 year old would have no issue rolling right over a pillow and onto baby...he is all ove rthe place...

If you don't have a separate space for baby in the room before you go up (like a co sleeper), I would buy a video monitor. We got ours when ds1 was a baby, and it was the best best best $100 ever spent. We can always SEE him and make sure he is ok. Also when naps get tricky when baby starts crawling, rolling lots, etc. You won't have to worry because you can always peek.


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## coleybug (Jun 3, 2009)

We used a co-sleeper. If both were in bed without me, DS2 was in the co-sleeper which was attached to my side of the bed. When I was in bed, DS2 was between me and the co-sleeper and DS1 (4.5 years) was in the middle between me and DH. I would never have left DS2 alone in bed with DS1. He's too all over the place and would never notice if he was laying on the baby. I think most children wouldn't. Heck, I think most other adults wouldn't! We really are hyper-aware when we co-sleep.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

We have like 10 feet (300 cm.) of bed, so the big kiddos on one side, the baby in the far other end, with a rolled up comforter in between and a monitor (audio and video, bc we need it for other reasons) and checking regularly. If the baby went to bed before us at all, the babe was usually asleep on mine or my dears chest in the living room with us for the first few months anyway (in a wrap or not). Or in the rocking cot that was in the living room, well not much, but sometimes. (Old family rocking cot, we had to have it, even if it's hardly used by our babes.)
And we slept in the middle at night, no newborn next to bigger kids. (Even if our kiddos don't roll around much.)


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## mom2tatum (Mar 14, 2007)

agreed. I am laid back about everything mostly...but not co sleeping. I use common sense for every other decision and this is the same. Safety first! A we learned in school.


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## leighann79 (Aug 4, 2005)

I wouldn't. We had a local family lose their 6 month old baby girl after their 10 year old daughter rolled over on her.







They just don't have the awareness that we, as parents, do.

For us, I may have both my 3.5 year old and newborn (soon!) fall asleep in the bed with us, but once I get up the 3.5 year old will get moved to her toddler bed. Same will happen for naps (if by some miracle the 3.5 year old will nap LOL).
I expect most naps for the newborn will at first be in my arms/in a carrier.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leighann79* 
I wouldn't. We had a local family lose their 6 month old baby girl after their 10 year old daughter rolled over on her.







They just don't have the awareness that we, as parents, do.

That's so terrible. I'm happy you mentioned it though. I was thinking that Augie was big enough at five months (he may very well be bigger than the baby you're talking about) but I am not into taking any chances. That is just so scary and sad.









eta: We have two mattresses on the floor next to each other, a kind and a twin, and baby and I sleep on the twin together with dh and older ds on the king. I've been thinking about getting one of those railings that you put on the side of a bed to put in between them, but I have no idea if that would be safe. Any thoughts? I have never seen one in real life...


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## joyfulgrrrl (Jun 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 
If the bed is big enough - I would think it is fine to have them sleeping together with a divider. You know your 4 year old - newborns don't move around much in their sleep, so dividing them by a pillow and checking frequently would be enough (at least for my DS - our bed is HUGE, surrounded by wall its that big lol - and he doesn't move around much - if he was alseep on one side and my newborn (dont have one yet - but the gap is gonna be bigger than 4 years at this point...sigh...) on the other side, with some pillows dividing their sleeping areas - that would work well for our family.
Once in bed, I would have eldest child between adults and baby on the one side of me only.









:

Although the nighttime arrangement frankly isn't working very well because DH is a pain in the a... He has a hard time falling asleep, so doesn't do reat if the girls are fidgeting or whatever then sleeps super-heavy, so I'm up all the time removing his arm from the baby and checking on her.

So for us we are moving to a modified co-sleeping solution. DD sleeps at the cottage in a twin bed that we moved together with the double. then I'm in the side of the double closest to her so I can roll into her bed and nurse if need be, or get her back to sleep in the morning if I'm tired







Then it's YDD, then Dh is against the wall. For naps, DD sleeps in her bed mostly, and baby sleeps in the double. I check frequently.

At home we broke the crib down into a single bed (it's a convertible thing), but DD isn't too hot on it as of yet. I don't blame her, I was lying on it reading to her and the big bed just kind of looms over her. But we have to buy our oldest a double bed before we give ODD a twin bed, so it's just kind of not been dealt with. But it sucks, because DH ends up on the couch 80% of nights when we're home. So we're still figuring things out. ODD is 2.5, baby is 3.5 mos.


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