# Things that sound bad out of context... Share yours



## Starr (Mar 16, 2005)

DD, 3 years old, is getting to the point of noticing she looks different from us. She was adopted. So as I was reading her one book we pointed out that DH has green eyes and Mommy has blue eyes and I said DD your eyes are so dark they are almost black... Next day as I was dropping her off at daycare she tells her DCP "Daddy gives me black eyes" Yikes not quite what we talked about... Luckily she's a friend of our and she has also been helping her see how kids are different at day care.

Also when I pick her up at daycare to get to the car you have to walk up a flight of stairs and into her driveway. So I try and make it into a game saying its a race and can she beat me to the car. One day just as we were leaving, " Mommy are you going to beat me today?" I was so confused I was like what do you mean? She said you beat me to car? So now we "race" to the car.


----------



## darien (Nov 15, 2005)

Yikes. So funny!

My ds really likes the book _Herschel and the Hannukah Goblins_, and he loves to quote his favorite stories. We were in the grocery store a few weeks ago, and a table full of post-holiday sale items must have jogged his memory, because he suddenly yelled "I HATE Hannukah!"

I was mortified, of course. Everyone was staring. I thought about explaining that he was quoting a goblin, but thought that might have made things worse. I just moved on....


----------



## SeaDoula (Jan 13, 2006)

hahahaha!!!!!

I guess I am lucky my dd only says 'mama' thus far!

Oh the things I have to look forward to.


----------



## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

This wasn't said about my toddler, but about her by her older brothers.

When we were getting all ready for her to come, we had a crib set up. My younger dss kept talking about the 'cage' we were going to put her in when she slept. Needless to say, she never slept in it - she ended up cosleeping.


----------



## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

I'm cracking up at these!!


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Just this evening, my kids' dad was sitting on the couch and he had the baby on his lap. When Lil' Man started to fuss just a bit, dad lifted him up and plopped him in my lap, and I made a comment about how he just flipped him over to me.

Next thing I know, DD is yelling, "Daddy flipped off the baby! Don't you flip off my baby like that, Dad!!"










The kids also watched a Tom & Jerry cartoon during the holidays where Jerry Mouse took in a baby orphan mouse for Thanksgiving and the baby mouse was named Nibbles. Well, DD can't say _Nibbles_. And for some reason they really remember this episode, so DD (who is 3) often pipes up about Tom & Jerry's Nipples. "Nipples ate the whole pie!" she exclaimed yesterday. It always takes me a few minutes to figure out what she's talking about... Jerry put his Nipples on the table... Tom was chasing Nipples... Do you think Jerry's Nipples is cute, mom... etc. etc.







Heaven help me if she ever starts yelling about this in Walmart or something.


----------



## Jess_n'_the_bean (May 12, 2006)

dd has a book called "frog girl" that she really likes, but with her 2-year old pronunciation, it comes out as...

"I want f*#ck ewwl"

get the picture? My mom was looking after dd last week and was killing herself laughing but never could figure out what dd was trying to communicate!


----------



## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jess_n'_the_bean* 
dd has a book called "frog girl" that she really likes, but with her 2-year old pronunciation, it comes out as...

"I want f*#ck ewwl"

get the picture? My mom was looking after dd last week and was killing herself laughing but never could figure out what dd was trying to communicate!

I have a similar one. A few months ago, DD was going through a truck phase. We were walking down the street and she was riding on my shoulders. We passed a big truck. She eagerly starting waving at it and shouting at the top of her lungs, "Bye-bye big f*#ck! Bye-bye big f*#ck!"


----------



## sewaneecook (Nov 1, 2005)

My nephew really liked dump trucks, but when he was 2, it soundes more like dumb F#!K.


----------



## Fairy4tmama (Sep 3, 2003)

:















literaly wiping tears from my cheeks!


----------



## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

From DD as she snuggled up to Daddy on an airplane, and loudly too.... "Daddy, you're the best. You're my lover."


----------



## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Not my story, but co-workers. Still very funny though...

Family has very hyper cocker spaniel named Elliot. Child goes to school and announces "Elliot liked my penis". CPS becomes involved. Took several weeks before CPS convinced that this was case of dog running amok at bathtime, not a molestation case.

Moral of story: careful what you name your pets, and ban them from the bathroom.


----------



## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

So far, my son doesn't say that much, but I have two good stories:

1. I was visiting a friend who married a German and has 5 kids. Her eldest daughter was in the living room and she called the play pen her younger twin brothers were in "das Baby-Gefangnis" - the Baby Jail. Made me decide not to have one at my house when I had children...

2. My supervisor was at the grocery store and saw our human resources person (who is a married lady) with her young daughter at the checkout line. He said hi to them, and super-loudly, the HR woman's daughter pointed at him and said, "Is THAT my daddy?" ...Uh, no, but you managed to embarrass your mom pretty good.


----------



## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

: Holy crap these are funny.


----------



## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kcparker* 
2. My supervisor was at the grocery store and saw our human resources person (who is a married lady) with her young daughter at the checkout line. He said hi to them, and super-loudly, the HR woman's daughter pointed at him and said, "Is THAT my daddy?" ...Uh, no, but you managed to embarrass your mom pretty good.

That one reminds me of my cousin and my aunt in the grocery store when he was a preschooler. Nice little old lady in line starts chatting with him, how old are you? Are you helping Mommy? Is Daddy at work?" to which my cousin replied at top volume, and very proudly. "Nope. My Daddy is in JAIL!" (He worked as a guard at the local jail.)


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Earlier this summer, my daughter was eating orange slices. She picked up a slice that still had the rind on it and started loudly demanding that I "take the ass off!! I can't eat it, take the ass off!!"

I figured out later she was trying to say _edge_ but it was still hilarious.


----------



## RollerCoasterMama (Jul 22, 2008)

When I was three or four years old I fell while riding my trike and scraped one side of my face up really badly. Imagine skinning your knee on the side-walk...now picture it all over one side of your face! Anyway, my dad was the one that cleaned me up. There must have been lots of discussion about that Daddy wasn't hurting me while he washed the gravel and rocks out of my scrapes...because when the inevitable "Oh my goodness what happened to you??!!" came from a random stranger, my response was an emphatic "Daddy didn't do it!"

My poor mom. But I have to say, the scab was impressive! Right before Easter. My grandma made me take a picture with my face turned so only the bit of scab over my nose showed. And I have NEVER liked people that put those little troughs next to the sidewalk!!!


----------



## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

When dd was tiny, dh would bounce her to comfort her. One morning, younger dss (the same one who called dd's crib a cage), told me "daddy shook the baby!" Dd was about 2 weeks old at the time and I freaked out until he explained it to me.


----------



## Mommal (Dec 16, 2007)

DD, on the differences between mommy's, papa's, and her genitalia: "I have a tiny gina! Mommy have a big gina! Papa have a long gina!"


----------



## Purple*Lotus (Nov 1, 2007)

I have one about me







When I was a toddler we took a long car trip to visit my Aunt. We went to pick up another Aunt, who asked all of us if we needed to use the restroom before heading to the other house. My Dad said no and I piped up "Daddy's don't have to pee so much because theirs are longer! They hold more."








What can I say? When I was 3, it must have made perfect sense


----------



## TxMominCT (Nov 23, 2006)

Well, we are frequently laughing about how we are always saying, things like, you can't touch your bottom then your food, your feet can't touch your food, and yes you do have to wear panties it is a rule. (we did the whole run around naked thing for a long time, but we really need to her to wear clothes sometimes!! It's cold!) Anyone else constantly saying don't due xyz gross thing, like its normal!!!


----------



## katie9143 (Oct 3, 2006)

when dd says ketchup it sounds like "cat shit" the first time she said it i was having breakfast with a friend at a small rest in my home town. a girl i graduated hs with was waiting on us. dd kept yelling "WANT CAT SHIT MAMA WANT CAT SHIT!!!!" it took us most of the meal to realize what she wanted. that was the beginning of her love affair with the condiment


----------



## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

A few weeks ago, we were all snuggling in our bed in the morning, the girls in the middle. They like to climb over us and then slide down our legs onto the floor. So, Kate slithers over to Daddy and says "Daddy, I want to go down on you!" Hmm.


----------



## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

:


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TxMominCT* 
Anyone else constantly saying don't due xyz gross thing, like its normal!!!

Only things like, "Don't let Baby suck on your nose!" and "No, you can't wipe her butt, let ME do that!!"

I also used to have to tell my son not to "chew his teeth." That's because he grinds, and has always done so, even before he _had_ teeth. When he was between two and three, he'd grind while he was coloring or watching TV or even riding in the car, things like that. I tried to explain what he was doing and he didn't understand "grind." So I showed him: "this is what you're doing" (insert demonstration) "and you should try not to, it's bad for your teeth." He interpreted that as chewing, hence "don't chew your teeth." Anyone else hears that, and they look at me like I've lost my mind.


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OGirlieMama* 
A few weeks ago, we were all snuggling in our bed in the morning, the girls in the middle. They like to climb over us and then slide down our legs onto the floor. So, Kate slithers over to Daddy and says "Daddy, I want to go down on you!" Hmm.

Oh my...


----------



## Peacemamalove (Jun 7, 2006)

NAK These are hysterical!! Be back later to add mine lol!


----------



## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

hysterical!

there have been a few with DD, but my favorite so far is when she pointed at a woman in the grocery store, and said (oh so very loudly) "POO POO SH*T!"

that's Ella-nese for "purple shirt." i'm not sure if the woman believed me though! (she _was_ wearing a bright purple shirt though!)

also, DH taught DD to say "i know" when he says she's beautiful








it's sooooo embarrassing when a stranger tells her she's beautiful and she says "i know." *cringe*


----------



## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

My DD today noticed the testicles on my dad's dog. She asked what they were, although she knows quite well what they are because we are constantly telling her to leave our dog's alone. She then proceeds to tell my dad that Lance has testicles, but Julie (our other dog) has a vulva, she has a vulva and Daddy has testicles too. My dad had a look on his face like he was totally unsure where to go with all that. She also sings a song she made up, "My vulva, my butt! My vulva, my butt!" It has moves and everything.







It's kinda embarrassing at church!


----------



## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

I am constantly telling ds, when he comes in the bathroom with me, "no that's okay, I can wipe myself, thank you!"


----------



## Dandy (Oct 7, 2006)

These are funny.

My son is a Thomas the Tank Engine fan, BIG TIME. Only he pronounces Percy as "pussy." I hope that's okay to say... but anyway, Percy and Emily (the trains) are his favorites. We had an Emily (person) over visiting and my sister was trying to get him to say Emily, since it's one of his favorite words. Well, he wouldn't. "I want Percy!" instead







Didn't come out well.


----------



## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

The sitter just reminded me that DD used to pronounce the color "grey" as "gay." Happens to be the color DH wears most often. So DH would carry her down the street and she'd shout out to anyone who would listen "Daddy gay! Daddy gay!"







(DH is bi, so he always said "well, she's sort of close.") I'm glad we live in NYC where they got some cute smiles out of that one.

She also once shouted at a stranger wearing grey "Man gay!" to which he instantly responded "Yes, indeed, I am, sweetie!" with a smile.


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
The sitter just reminded me that DD used to pronounce the color "grey" as "gay." Happens to be the color DH wears most often. So DH would carry her down the street and she'd shout out to anyone who would listen "Daddy gay! Daddy gay!"







(DH is bi, so he always said "well, she's sort of close.") I'm glad we live in NYC where they got some cute smiles out of that one.

She also once shouted at a stranger wearing grey "Man gay!" to which he instantly responded "Yes, indeed, I am, sweetie!" with a smile.









That is SO sweet!


----------



## kbl (Apr 17, 2008)

My DS loves blueberries, which he calls "booty." He is also into being a big boy and wants everything big. We were at the grocery store, I was feeding him blueberries in the cart, and he wanted all the big ones. A woman with a rather large, ahem, derriere came right next to us and DS started hollering "big booty! big booty!"


----------



## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 

She also once shouted at a stranger wearing grey "Man gay!" to which he instantly responded "Yes, indeed, I am, sweetie!" with a smile.

that's my favorite!


----------



## lactivist (Jun 14, 2005)

I went to a conference at my son's Montessori school last year (he was 3 1/4) and the teacher wanted to know what he might have meant by "children burn faster than adults"

Apparently my talk during cooking about how children's skin is more sensitive and can burn more EASILY didn't translate well.









Wendi


----------



## Lisa85 (May 22, 2006)

While my parents were on vacation, my sister and I stayed with my aunt. I'd guess were 4 and 5 years old or so. My aunt let us play with bubbles in the kitchen. The doorbell rang and as she went to get it, she slipped and fell down HARD. She wasn't seriously injured, but she sure felt it for awhile. When my parents came to us, Aunt asked us if we blew bubbles at home. I said "Yes, but they don't fall down like you do"


----------



## kayabrink (Apr 19, 2005)

A few weeks ago, my friend was having a baby shower. There was a buffet and all the kids went through first, while adults stood by each dish and served them (like in a cafeteria). The youngest child going through the line, 2 y.o. boy *wearing a tee shirt that says "punk"*:
lady #1 served him. He answers "f##k you!".
Shocked silence. Unsure what to say to that, we continue serving. And all down the line, to each woman, he answers "f##k you!".
One minute after he is done being served, his mother comes over to the buffet to be served. As she is served, he smiles sweetly and says to her "I say f##k you to evy-one!". Only then did we realize that was how he pronounced THANK you.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jess_n'_the_bean* 
dd has a book called "frog girl" that she really likes, but with her 2-year old pronunciation, it comes out as...

"I want f*#ck ewwl"

get the picture? My mom was looking after dd last week and was killing herself laughing but never could figure out what dd was trying to communicate!

Once, when DD1 was about 2yo, this is how she pronounced "fork." This was also around the time my first marriage was beginning to fall apart. DH and I separated when the girls were about 2.5 and 1.

So anyway, we were having lunch over at a friend's house when DD1 dropped her fork and wanted another one. So she said "I need a [email protected]*k" repeatedly!

I finally said to her "No, that's what Mommy needs. You want a FO*R*K!!"


----------



## 3pink1blue (Jun 23, 2008)

Today DD2, age 4, looked me in the eye and said - genuinely, i might add - "Mommy, I'm sorry you weren't born normal."


----------



## jenjenl18 (Jul 6, 2007)

I just taught my son Ring around the Roses and he loves it. Today we were at his grandparents and he is playing on the floor with his grandpa and starts running around in circles yelling "a$$e$ a$$e$ down". He was angry cause grandpa didn't understand right away, so FIL looks at me and says...Jen I think he needs to poop or something. HAHA!
No grandpa, "Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down"


----------



## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

Not in English, but funny.

Ds2, aged 2,5 went with me into a small pet store where they were selling fish and birds (in Turkey). He just loves to watch all those little colourful fish. When I am with him, he usually speaks Dutch. And so he wanted to say 'vis vis vis' (fish), but he cannot pronounce the v and ended up exclaiming very excitedly 'PİS PİS PİS PİS PİİİİİİİİİİİİS PİS PİS' ALL the time while pointing at all the little fish. You must know that in Turkish the word for fish is 'balık' and nothing near to 'fish'...and he was basically shouting 'DİRTY DİRTY DİRTY'







.


----------



## srs (Nov 8, 2007)

This is my DH's story. DH and DD were in the restroom at the changing table, and a man in the stall next to them passed some gas. DD says loudly "Whoa... Poopy!"

Poor guy.


----------



## akbirdy (Sep 26, 2006)

During potty training, my DS asked me where my penis was, I told him the whole thing, girls don't have penises, they have vulvas, boys like you and Daddy have penises, yadda yada.

Later that night DH brings our son to the grocery store. While checking out our DS started yelling at the cashier (while smiling, and proud of himself), "You're a penis!" over and over. It was a man, so I guess he had gotten some of the point!


----------



## skolbut (Feb 18, 2008)

DS1 pronounces "turn it" like "darn it", and he loves things that turn or have wheels. He also loves to help with laundry and the like.

He's often announcing things like:

"Mamas wheels (car), darn it, darn it, darn it."
"Mama laundry, darn it darn it darn it"
"Mama key (getting into the house), darn it darn it darn it"
and others....

DH accused me of saying darn it all the time while he's gone!!


----------



## sugarlumpkin (Dec 20, 2006)

We're getting ready to go to Costa Rica. A 7.5 hour plane ride each way. Now, my ds has been on pletnty of planes (I guess we're just a travelling family...) but I think this is the first one he will remember. (Last plane trip was in August/September, so he was 19/20 months old.) I have been preparing him by telling him exactly what will happen on this long journey of ours and one of the things I tell him about is what we will do on the plane (eat, play with toys, use the potty, read books, play with Daddy, take a nap, and watch movies). I've told him about these activities several times (per day) already, but tonight for some reason he decided to start yelling

*WATCH BOOBIES! WATCH BOOBIES!*

Fortunately, we were in the house, but imagine if we'd been in a restaurant or something.


----------



## kellykins (Oct 13, 2004)

oh wow what a distraction this thread was!! hahah!!
I have one to add-
We use generic "bottom" for genitals- I know- generic- anyhow... the other day, dd was getting ready to shower with me and pointed out my "bottom" and then hers, and then proceeded to tell me that boys have a squirter and girls have a sitter! (she did accurate motions to go with it- she joins us both in the potty regularly, haha)


----------



## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

I am wiping tears away, thanks so much for the laugh y'all. I'm laughing too hard to think of anything funny enough to post, but if I do I'll be back...


----------



## awood11 (Jan 21, 2007)

Ever since Mason could talk he has been abbreviating everything. He calls himself May-May, he'll ask for a pence(pencil), he calls his butt his boot(short for booty).

No big deal right? Well, not until you watch Toy Story together. "There's a snake in my boot!" meant a totally different thing to him


----------



## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

DS and I were playing together when he fell down on top of my hand at just the right angle that he managed to get stabbed in the butt with my engagment ring. He ended up getting a little bruise there and it was tender. For days anytime he sat down he said "Mama you really hurt my tush with your hand" Great, now everyone at the library thinks I spank! I found myslef explaining this to strangers, no no he felle on my ring, I never spank PLEASE beleive me!! DD loves socks loves to point them out to everyone only she calls the Cocks.


----------



## filiadeluna (Oct 2, 2007)

:

Oh, boy! Look what I have to look forward to in a couple of years!







Thanks for the entertainment, ladies!


----------



## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

FOr a while my DD was obsessed with a WE sing kids songs cassette tape I'd let her hear in the car. SHe didn't exactly know what to call it so she called it her Friends songs and the cassette was a white cassette so she'd fuss often in public mommy I jsut wanna listen to my WHITE friends!
















Deanna


----------



## *MamaJen* (Apr 24, 2007)

My XBF had an adorable three year old who couldn't say "st" sounds yet. They came out as "d". So one day we're camping and looking for walking sticks. XBF finds one, and his son goes around yelling "Daddy has a big dick!"
(I hope I never see XBF again, but I do miss the kid).


----------



## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I thought of another one... DH was learning to spin poi (like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poi_(juggling) ) and DD was fascinated. So she'd ask people who walked by while he was practicing "Don't you want to come watch my Daddy spin his balls?"


----------



## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)

I just posted this on another thread, but thought you would appreciate the humor also









When 7yoDD was a toddler she and Daddy had a fantastic game where he'd scoop her up and smack her butt while tickling her and roughhousing all over the couch.

Imagine our chagrin...and total mortification...when at a friend's house, whom we hadn't seen in YEARS...she runs up to Daddy (sitting on their couch), jumps on his lap, sticks her butt in his face and squeals...SPANK ME DADDY, SPANK ME!!!








:

I.Could.Have.Died.Right.There.


----------



## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
I just posted this on another thread, but thought you would appreciate the humor also









When 7yoDD was a toddler she and Daddy had a fantastic game where he'd scoop her up and smack her butt while tickling her and roughhousing all over the couch.

Imagine our chagrin...and total mortification...when at a friend's house, whom we hadn't seen in YEARS...she runs up to Daddy (sitting on their couch), jumps on his lap, sticks her butt in his face and squeals...SPANK ME DADDY, SPANK ME!!!








:

I.Could.Have.Died.Right.There.


When I was younger, my mom did in-home daycare. She used to tickle us and say that she was "beating us." Let's just say, that she had quite a bit of explaining to do when, in public, we would shout out "Beat me, Mommy! Beat me!!"









A month or so ago, Alivia was sitting on my boyfriends lap, when she suddenly turned to us and said what sounded like "Hey there, you little N!$$er Ho!" We both snapped our heads around to look at each other. Took us quite a bit of time to realize she meant "Knuckerhole" from Dragon Tales.







Course, later, we went to drop her off at my mom's and, before I could explain her new word, she said the same thing to my mom. My mom's head snaps to look at me with wide eyes. I said "Knuckerhole. Sounds just like knuckerhole, doesn't it?!"


----------



## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

The absolute worst was when dd's language was really devoloping between 18 months and 2 years old. We have been instilling manners since long before she could verbalize them. Of course, one of the things we taught her is when to say thank you. So this completely backfired because for at least 6 months she could not properly pronounce the word "thank". In fact, she wasn't even close. So while that itself isn't a problem and we'd be happy whatever came out so long as she was attempting "thank you", it became a HUGE problem in public.

Let me give you a scenerio. One of many. We go through the checkout line at the grocery store. Dd happily sitting in the cart catches the eye of the checker. The checker says, "would yo like a sticker!?" as they hand one over. We apparently did so well teaching her when to be appreciative and say thank you because she would attempt to say it every chance she got. So, she would happily (and sometimes very loudly) say, "f**k you!".







Dh and I are both non-cussers so she never hears that word... that was just her best attempt at the word "thank". While people usually found it very entertaining I hated having to explain to everyone that my 2 year didn't just cuss them out but, rather she was trying to say, "thank you". She later decided to get lazy like everyone else and drop the "you" and just say, thanks... which then just came out as a simple "f**ks!" greaaaaaaat.

She has long since grown out of that and can very clearly say "thank you" now.









A current one that is probably just as bad: dh always wears a watch. Typically time keepers are called clocks and this is what dd knows them as. She is still unable to pronouce the "l" in clock so you can understand why we now tell her that when she wants to see daddy's watch and we're out and about around others she must make sure to say, "can I see you WATCH daddy", "look at daddy's WATCH", "daddy's WATCH is way cute mama", etc. There were too requests reguarding dh's watch that were sounding so very innappropriate that we had to just take the word "clock" right out of her vocab for the time being!


----------



## JD5351 (Sep 13, 2008)

This was done by MYSELF in the first grade..

Mortified my mother..

We had my very first SUBSTITUTE teacher one day..

My mom waited for me in the lobby of my school, and when I saw her I yelled LOUDLY.."MOMMY! Today we had a **PROSTITUTE** teacher, and she was a flamingo!"

I have no clue what I meant about her being a flamingo....Or where I learned the word prostitute at the age of 5....


----------



## Chamsia (Jan 19, 2007)

When my toddler was younger she would look out the window during every meal and see a rock that is somewhat frog shaped. And proceed to point and shout "f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!"

Today she was playing with play dough. She made me a ball, a ball for herself, and then she made Daddy balls. I kid you not, she then went on, in toddler-stream-o-conscienceness-way, to talk about how nice Daddy's balls are, then oops she broke Daddy's balls, then she fixed Daddy's balls, she lost Daddy's balls. Aren't Daddy's balls nice, aren't they beautiful, don't I love Daddy's balls...


----------



## darien (Nov 15, 2005)

Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"


----------



## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

:







OMG I am dying here. This is great stuff.


----------



## EarthsSpiral (Nov 13, 2007)

This thread is great!! My DS1 also says pu$$y instead of Percy.


----------



## Otterella (Oct 13, 2007)

DS is really getting the hang of the "K" sound, but the "X" sound isn't happening yet. He has a fox in socks doll, which is, of course "fok". He was saying this today, and DH asked him "Is that your fox, buddy?" To which he replied "fok buddy".


----------



## 3pink1blue (Jun 23, 2008)

oh!oh! I just thought of another doozy...

we're at DD1's (age 7) soccer practice, and DD2, then age 3, yells

"I love this team cause they're all WHITE KIDS!!"

i have no idea where it came from, but omg i wanted to die.

oh another DD2 story:
Me (jokingly): How come you been so naughty today?
Her: Cause I hate pants.


----------



## crazyrunningmama (Dec 16, 2006)

For a while my dd would spontaneously yell "gay bar! gay bar!!" My dh blamed my Queer as Folk watching. It took a long time for us to figure it out, because by the time we looked out the window the "skateboard" would be long gone!


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3pink1blue* 

oh another DD2 story:
Me (jokingly): How come you been so naughty today?
Her: Cause I hate pants.

Hilarious and honest, I love it!

I'm going to remember that when people ask me why I'm moody...


----------



## TheBluebird (Dec 20, 2006)

Oh, god... crying laughing... thank you!!!


----------



## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darien* 
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"









OMG! Can't. Breathe.


----------



## Redheaded_Momma (Nov 8, 2006)

I have been working on getting to DH tame down his potty mouth language around our 27 month DS. AND I do have to say DH is trying...however last night at our Super Bowl party DS started repeating "so and so is a DOUCHE BAG" changing the names to all the people at the party. Everyone at the party thought it was funny and were laughing so DS kept repeating it. Luckily it was a party where we were all friends so it wasn't a BIG deal THIS time.

I hope DH understands now why I am such a stickler about his language around the boy. DS is very verbal and can repeat most things we say so they are understandable.


----------



## smibbo (Jan 14, 2009)

omg I am laughing so hard Lil Miss is mad at me (she's trying to rest in my lap cuz she's sick)

but here's one:

My eldest son was about 3 and he had discovered the joy of Disney movies on VHS. his current fave was "The Jungle Book" wherein one of the characters (Baloo the bear) is considered a "bum" by the other character (Bagheera the puma)

Well we were in a waiting room once and he was playing with all the toys that were there. Then another little girl came in and started playing too. At one point she got in the way of him on a trike and he got mad. So he pointed at her and yelled "you stupid jungle bum!"
The little girl was black and I just. about. died.

We had a little talk about calling people names. ANY names.


----------



## menomena (Jun 14, 2007)

A few months ago at dinner, we were being silly and saying "this dinner tastes like... <whatever random noun>." I don't remember how it got started. However, I do know it ended when DD1 (3.5yo) started looking around the room and yelled "this dinner tastes like balls!".

This was the same week as the "fricken fricken fricken fricken damn it spoon!" (I do say fricken; my mother says damn it.)


----------



## alexaskj (Jun 4, 2008)

this is not so much a "sounds bad out of context" kind of thing, more of a study in what you should do/not do around your kids!

when I was around 2.5 my mom and i were at a family dinner at western sizzlin or some place like that, and I of course was seated at the head of the table in my high chair. Mom says that I politely stood up in my chair and announced to the entire restaurant that "my daddy smokes p*t!" she said that she wanted to die.......lol


----------



## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

Yeah, this not an "out of context" tale, but a friend knew exactly where her American toddler learned his first "bad word" because in her husband's British accent, the toddler got frustrated and shouted "BLOODY HELL!"


----------



## Maugham (Jan 13, 2007)

OMG these are hilarious. "Spread your legs for Obama"... LMAO.

Not really out of context but toddler pronunciation issues... DS has a book with a peacock in it - he's nutty about the peacock. It is green and the picture is pretty big. He likes it when I sing and use the word "peacock" randomly in the song... like, Slient Night becomes Silent Peacock. Anyway, when we are out & about and he wants me to sing a silly peacock song he will yell "MAMA GREEN COCK!" or "MAMA BIG COCK!" Why it can't just be peacock, IDK.

And "flag" sound like "f*ck"... and he loves to point out flags when we're out... "more f*uck please! see f*uck??? good f*uck!! ohhh biiiig f*uck!"


----------



## Miss 1928 (Nov 12, 2007)

Ela's toy Motorcycle broke and so I told her; "Nonno Renzo will fix it."

About an hour later she piped up; "F*ck it, f*ck it. Renzo. F*ck it!"







I had no idea what she was talking about and where she got this word. (I was about to get really mad at DH.







) Then she follows with; "Moto, Renzo f*ck it!"







OOoohhhh.

Honestly, I don't know how she gets some of her pronunciations.








The oddest one is "Pastis", which is how she says "Teletubbies".


----------



## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

These are making me laugh so loud I hope I don't wake the kids.. DD doesn't talk much yet (has absolutely no interest in talking most of the time) but heres the few i remember her doing over the last week.
We were in church and I forgot what I had told her but she repeated it as "f*ck" over and over. The people's faces were priceless.
My husband is away right now on a ship (hes a Marine) and when we were seeing him off I showed DD the ship he would be on. So, it had been 4 days and we were at the supermarket around a whole bunch of men in uniform and DD asked where Daddy was, I replyed on the ship remember. She repeated "Daddy sh*t, Daddy Sh*t" over and over again thoughout the whole store.


----------



## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

My DD went through a phase where no matter what you talked about, she would say, "I like _fill in the blank._" I like carrots! I like the dining room chair! I like that tree!

A few days before New Years Day I took her with me to do several errands and one was picking up some champagne. She stood in the aisle of the liquor store and loudly said, "I like wine!"


----------



## hedgehogs4 (Aug 22, 2008)

Yesterday DH and I had dropped a car off to the mechanic and I jumped back into the car DH was driving with the kids in it and DS nods solemnly and says "mom... whore, mom... whore" repeatedly. I responded "Noooo mommy's not a whore sweetie" but he was very persistent! I realized much later that he meant store!


----------



## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darien* 
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"









laughup














:














: Possibly the funniest thing I've ever read on MDC!


----------



## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dandy* 







These are funny.

My son is a Thomas the Tank Engine fan, BIG TIME. Only he pronounces Percy as "pussy." I hope that's okay to say... but anyway, Percy and Emily (the trains) are his favorites. We had an Emily (person) over visiting and my sister was trying to get him to say Emily, since it's one of his favorite words. Well, he wouldn't. "I want Percy!" instead







Didn't come out well.


My son does the same thing! Why in the world would the Thomas people ever name a train Percy, I have no idea! So, I think this is great fun and I'm telling my son to tell daddy that he likes Percy. I'm laughing and my DH says how horrible that is and I ask DH if you'd rather hear about how much our son loves the clock....


----------



## filiadeluna (Oct 2, 2007)

again... I think I'm going into labor from laughing so hard!

j/k







It's a bit too early for that.


----------



## Flower of Bliss (Jun 13, 2006)

DD is of course quite amused by talking about penises and vulvas. I get blow by blow accounts of random days (sometimes weeks ago) with what she was doing with her friend, and then her friend had a dirty diaper, and then the friend's mom cleaned it up, and then they played on the swings, and then ... Any day in the past is "yesterday" (and any day in the future is either tomorrow or Saturday).

So, one day I'm getting some crazy run down of what happened and she annouces "and Sig (a little toddler boy) had a penis yesterday"









Last week sitting on her potty with Daddy helping her, she announced out of the blue "Daddy has a big penis" Compared to the only other penises she's seen, those of her toddler friends, it's certainly true. Poor DH had no clue how to respond.


----------



## Julia'sMom (Mar 12, 2007)

DD is on a chapstick kick right now. She calls it her "lip". So...we frequently get stares of confusion when she says "Mommy, gimme some lip please."

A while ago, when kisses were still the magical cure-all, she fell and hit her bottom pretty hard. So, she walks up to dh, puts her butt, diaper only, in his face and says "Kiss my butt, Daddy".


----------



## TinyMama (Sep 4, 2007)

My dad speaks German w/DD. DD is obsessed with numbers. For some reason, though, she only says 6 in German...and it's her favorite number.

A few days ago, in Target, DD is toddling up and down the aisles, getting out some energy, and she sees a tag on the floor. Of course it had a six on it, and of course she wants this filthy piece of paper.

DD: Sechs, Mommy, sechs! WANT SECHS! WANT IT NOW! PLEEEEEEASE!!!!

You know how "sechs" is pronounced, right?







Needless to say, I ran down the aisle and got the tag for her.

It was SOOOOOO much worse b/c she was obviously speaking English, except for her incredibly embarrassing demand for sex.


----------



## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

HAHA this is a great thread, I need to sub.

Fortunately... I don't have anything to add yet... but DD is only 26 months, so I'm sure my time is coming.


----------



## ihugtrees (Oct 16, 2008)

When I was in Kindergarden and my mom got unexpectedly pregnant with my brother, I was telling the class about the baby coming into my family. I told everyone, "And when my dad came home from work, my mom said, 'Honey, you're a silver bullet!'" Later when I was telling my mom about the story, she said, "You didn't say that did you?" I didn't learn till I was older what 'silver bullet' meant.


----------



## delly (Oct 30, 2007)

When my cousins and I were all still younger, our families would meet up for the Christmas holidays at my grandfather's condo, which was in the mountains, so we could go skiing. Well, my youngest brother went back to school in January one year and told his kindergarten teacher that he liked Grampa's condom!!! (She figured it out pretty fast when he elaborated, and she shared the joke with my mom when she came to pick up my brother.)


----------



## kimmypoo (Mar 6, 2009)

My SIL took my niece to the restroom at a walmart. The lady in the next stall was obviously having some tummy trouble. So my niece started singing "Diarhea, diarhea, cha cha cha..."


----------



## acp (Apr 15, 2007)

These are hysterical!

My favorite DD story like this is from a while ago, when she was maybe 16 months old. The Jewish Community Center near us has a great playroom that we sometimes take her to. DH was there with her one day, and she was drinking some juice out of a sippy cup. She spilled some, and happened to be in a stage when she got very upset about things being too "dirty." She promptly started yelling, loudly, "dirty juice! dirty juice!" Needless to say, that's not exactly what it sounded like... As others parents looked over at him, DH, embarrassed, was clarifying "Yes, your juiCE is spilled and looks dirty..."


----------



## Kirsten (Mar 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
my favorite so far is when she pointed at a woman in the grocery store, and said (oh so very loudly) "POO POO SH*T!"

that's Ella-nese for "purple shirt." i'm not sure if the woman believed me though! (she _was_ wearing a bright purple shirt though!)

This is where I would loudly reply, "yes, dd, that woman DOES have a purple shirt - pretty, huh?"

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Miasmamma* 
She also sings a song she made up, "My vulva, my butt! My vulva, my butt!" It has moves and everything.









This made me laugh til I cried. And your dd is DARLING! (I clicked on the link in your sig)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darien* 
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"









I was still wiping my eyes from the vulva/butt song and dance above when I read this. Going to have to redo my eye makeup before going to work, people!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EviesMom* 
Yeah, this not an "out of context" tale, but a friend knew exactly where her American toddler learned his first "bad word" because in her husband's British accent, the toddler got frustrated and shouted "BLOODY HELL!"

I think this is awesome! What a funny thing to hear a toddler say - especially perfect in context.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ihugtrees* 
I didn't learn till I was older what 'silver bullet' meant.

Some of us still don't know. Explain?


----------



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

These are hilarious.

My dh loves Sriracha hot sauce, and long before we had kids, we started calling it "Nice Hot Cock". If you've ever seen the bottle, you'll know why.

Anyway, we should have given it up, because when I was registering dd for school the other day, ds2 started screaming at the top of his lungs, "I want some nice hot cock! I want some nice hot cock!"


----------



## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

OMG!!! Obama!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!! OMG! I'll be laughing about that for days!!

..and....and...hahahah! "Nice hot cock" LOLOLOL. OMG.

The people at work think I've lost it....these are hilarious.

The only thing I've got from my son is another "cock" story.

He came home insisting that we need a bunch of cocks in the house.
::insert my stunned and confused single mother face here::

Then he tells me, very seriously, that one of the cocks could sleep between my legs like Bently (the dog like to curl up between my feet).

Um, what? "Honey, what's a cock?"
"You know, one of those things that wakes you up on a farm."
"OOOOOOOOHHH! Yes, well, please call it a chicken."









Of course, now he says "Momma, look! Its a chicken cock!" Lol.


----------



## Dov'sMom (Jan 24, 2007)

We were at my parents' house a couple of weeks ago and I was in the bedroom all the way at one end of the hall. For whatever reason, DS 2.5 was still up at 1 am, and he accompanied DH to the bathroom. I have no idea why this time of all times was the time he picked to scream to me across the (until then anyway) sleeping house: "Ima, Abba has a PENIS!" Then he repeated, clearly waiting for a response. I shouted back a weak "Thank you ds" and he screamed back "You're welcome Ima!"

The other morning he woke up and started explaining to me (still groggy-eyed): "Ima, this is my penis. I like my penis. If my penis gets bad, we will throw it away and I will get a new penis. You will help me put my new penis on, right, Ima? If this one gets yucky? Right you will help me put my new penis on?"

MIL was visiting and standing right outside our bedroom -- I can't imagine what she was thinking!


----------



## ainh (Jul 27, 2006)

We were having our first playdate with a boy and mom from our preschool. The boys were playing and all that us mom's heard was my son saying "blah, blah, blah, SKINHEAD". I had no idea why...but I was a little mortified that my two year old uttered the word skinhead. Turns out he was playing with this puzzle:
http://www.amazon.com/Beleduc-Your-B.../dp/B000ELWHUQ
He was up to the skin layer and was looking for the head. On the muscle layer he obviously asks for the penis muscle too. Good times.


----------



## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

Ah, fun to run across this thread on this particular night. Tonight we were treated to:

1 - Kate running up to me naked (after a shower) and wanting to snuggle, then commanding me to "Kiss my bagina, Mommy!" Which ended up in me having to say "Vaginas are not for kissing." (The yet-to-be-published book in the "Hands are not for Hitting" series?)

2 - My husband said he needed to leave the room to pee, to which Lilly replied "Your penis is always wiggling all over the place."

3 - When he returned, Kate told him he had a "big, giant tushie."

Luckily, they went to sleep before it got any worse.


----------



## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

We were at the grocery store when my oldest was smaller...I think he only had a dozen or two words at that point. We went down the wine aisle and he started pointing and yelling at the top of his lungs "WHIIINE!" "WHIINE!", but slightly guttural: he sounded like any angry frenchman on a bad sketch comedy show.

It was hilarious!


----------



## Carrie Posey (Jul 10, 2004)

My husband was working on our house wiring using wire strippers, which my son was fascinated with. I took him 2 1/2 at the time to the park where he ran around screaming "STRIPPERS, STRIPPERS" at the top of his lungs.


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

We were in Walmart the other day picking up some WIC items, some of which were cans of frozen juice concentrate. DD drinks a lot of this stuff, because we _get_ tons of it. I water it way, way down (instead of 3-to-1 water-to-concentrate, I use 6-to-1, so it's mostly water). But even with making it mostly water, she can only have a limited amount because otherwise she gets an upset tummy.

So she sees me putting juice concentrate in the cart and starts to loudly and excitedly talk about why it was okay for her to have it.. (she's going through an extremely talkative, descriptive phase)..

"Mama! You can buy juice now because I can drink it because I didn't have squishy poop! I had hard poop that came out of my butt and made a splash because it went swimming! And it wasn't _diar*RHE*a_, it was hard and spikey!" (emphasis on the dia-REEE-ah)

Yeah, I moved on quickly to the cheese section, before I died of embarrassment.


----------



## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

Thankfully other people don't tend to understand our toddlers as well as we do









Here's one about me...

I informed an adult friend of the family that my great grandma and great grandpa had AIDS. He told me that's probably not true but I was persistent and assured him that Yes, they do have AIDS.
This went on for 5 minutes until I clarifed - Yes, they have aids in their ears. hearing aids!









DS1 Says "Whatwasthat" really quickly, I'm okay with that until we were at a friends and he said it when the microwave beeped. He exclaimed "Whatwasthat" but it sounds like "Oh shit!".
Everyone naturally assumed that he thinks any beeping is bad because the smoke alarm goes off so frequently in our house









So I had to listen closely for a couple days - it is definitely Whatwasthat...


----------



## Mamabeakley (Jul 9, 2004)

My neice's dad drank beer out of cans, so when she started talking she called the kind of cans beer (or soda or ice tea or whatever) comes in "beer". My son, who is 3 months younger than her, thought she was the true authority about what to call things, so he called those cans "beer" too. We don't drink and we don't buy soda or anything else in that kind of can, so I guess it made as much sense as anything else to him.

Several times we were in the mall or someplace with a soda machine and he would loudly shout and point or whine for "beer" from those darn machines!


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamabeakley* 
My neice's dad drank beer out of cans, so when she started talking she called the kind of cans beer (or soda or ice tea or whatever) comes in "beer". My son, who is 3 months younger than her, thought she was the true authority about what to call things, so he called those cans "beer" too. We don't drink and we don't buy soda or anything else in that kind of can, so I guess it made as much sense as anything else to him.

Several times we were in the mall or someplace with a soda machine and he would loudly shout and point or whine for "beer" from those darn machines!

Along those lines, that reminds me, we used to have salt and pepper shakers made out of Coronita bottles. You often see those in Mexican restaurants - they were a neat novelty, basically 8-oz. beer bottles with shaker lids. Well, when DS was about 2-1/2, he would ask for "white beer" on his food at supper. He doesn't like pepper, but DD does, and when she began to talk, she'd ask for "white beer" AND "brown beer."









They did this for a loooooong time, everywhere we went, whatever kind of shaker they saw. They just thought salt and pepper were made of beer!!! I had to explain this a lot...

Also, DD just hollered at the top of her lungs from the other room, "What the hell do you think you're doing??" She listens to her Dad too much.







: At least she hasn't picked up on some _other_ things he says way too often.


----------



## Zuzu822 (Oct 5, 2006)

A month of so ago, DS1 came up to me during the middle of the day and said very matter-of-factly, "One day my penis is going to grow big like Dad's." He's very into being like Dad right now and I guess he's right compared to what he's familiar with now! I couldn't decide what to say so settled on something lame about how he was growing big all over.


----------



## Livviesmom0207 (Mar 21, 2007)

Today, DD, 2, and I were in the car and we were talking about going to BJ's Wholesale Club. I told her we would ask daddy.

When we got home I mentioned that we wanted to run out and go there. DH said sure, I like it there, it's been a while since I've been in.

DD turned to me and said with a big grin on her face " Daddy LOVES BJs!! BJs daddy's favorite!". DH of course nodded enthusiastically in the background.

HA!


----------



## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

DS is up to perhaps 20 words now, but his pronunciation of "Bye-bye" is "Die-die".


----------



## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Love. this. thread.

If you're still reading and still have a little laugh left in you for a good ole cock joke, DS used to call avocado "COCK" (sort of GOCK sort of cock). He looooved avocado. So in the grocery store a number of times he was heard to shout "Cock! I want cock! Get me some cock!"


----------



## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Starr* 
"Daddy gives me black eyes"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Earlier this summer, my daughter was eating orange slices. She picked up a slice that still had the rind on it and started loudly demanding that I *"take the ass off!! I can't eat it, take the ass off!!*"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mommal* 
DD, on the differences between mommy's, papa's, and her genitalia: "I have a tiny gina! Mommy have a big gina! Papa have a long gina!"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Theoretica* 
SPANK ME DADDY, SPANK ME!!!








:

I.Could.Have.Died.Right.There.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *darien* 
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"

















: O. M. G. I cannot breath!! The bolded line had tears streaming down my face!

I don't have any nearly as funny as these. The only thing I can think of is slightly OT but still embarrassing. Once DD saw me in the bathroom and I was on my period. She saw the blood on my pad and was like, "That's poop mom? You poop your panties mom?" Trying to prevent her from embarrassing me in public, I explained it was blood. Now anytime we're in a public bathroom she's sure to exclaim, very loudly, "That's BLOOD mom? That's BLOOD?"


----------



## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

These are funny!

The closest thing I have is a story babymomma likes to tell. When she was about 3 years old, "mommy" was "money". If mom wasn't close enough while they were out she would start shouting "I want money!" over and over again.


----------



## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Ok, I do have one that sort of pertains to our family. It's not a toddler thing, but a not-quite-all-the-details thing. My dad got married last summer, through that I aquired a 14 yo stepsister and 6 year old step brother. First day of grade one, the teacher gets everyone in his class to say one thing that happened over the summer. Well the teacher had met the family a couple of times before and knew step bro had a teenaged sister, but didn't know that mom got married to a man with adult children. What step brother did was announced "I became an Uncle" over the summer. No other information provided until the teacher tried to discreetly address the issue with his mom and she, while trying to stop laughing, explained about dad, and of course me, DH and her sons then 9 year old niece.


----------



## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Oh MY! I am crying reading this thread, i thought my kid was the worst for this! But it seems she is in excellent company...

My dad bought her a spinning toy for her second birthday which has plastic balls on a spiral inside it so when you spin it the balls "climb" the spiral. We went to a singing group for toddlers a few days later and when the leader said "hi there hun, what have you been doing today!?" she replied with a bright smile and the words "Playing with granddads balls!"

She was once lying on the floor outside the bathroom when DP came out. "Stand on DD stepdada!" she said. "WHat!?" he asks. "Stand on DD!" So he stands on her gently, first with one foot, then the other. She smiled and said "THanks step-dad, that was good standin' on DD!" and got up and ran off.

A few months ago she said to me "Break me mama". I said "WHAT!?" she said "Stand on me and break me!" so i did gentle standing on her and she sighed and said "I like breakin' me mama".

One rainy day many months ago i mentioned the possibility of giving DD a beating on the phone to someone. I am very gentle and never smack or anything and i was speaking in humour, exaggeration being a useful tool of mine for gettng a grip on my unreasonable emotional responses to things and we were having a laugh at my frustrating day. I turned round to see DD (who i though was napping or i'd certainly NEVER have said it) standing in the doorway. "I want a beating!" she said. Foolishly i siad i'd give her a beating, chased her down the hallyway, tackled her and tickled heruntil we were both in fits of giggles. Unfortunately it's stuck and now she frequently asks me for a bating on the bus/in company.

DD was a homebirth and because we plan to have future babies at home with her around i do let her watch nice childbirth videos on Youtube from time to time. The other week she said to a perfect stranger on the bus, "Mama made me born. I was very born. But the doctor didn't have to come becase i came out a vagina". The stranger, a woman who looked about 80, thankfully seemed quite good-humoured about this info. I wanted o say i was only babysitting....


----------



## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

On the topic of not-so-flattering observations...

She once was hugging her sleepy step dad in the kitchen at about 6am, and looked up and said "awww, you got a big hairy leg".

She frequently makes references to "Mama's big wobbly bum".

On the morning of her 3rd birthday she got in bed with us. I said "how old are you today DD?" and she said "I'm THREE!" with a big smile. Then suddenly she got really serious, held one of my hands in both of hers and said with deep concern and sympathy "Oh Mama, you're _twenty-eight_"


----------



## demottm (Nov 15, 2006)

When my son says castles it sounds loke a**holes. Also when he says talks it sounds like c*cks.


----------



## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

DD is very into body parts and watching me get ready, and one day I was putting on some deodorant. (I "share" it with her by putting the lid back on and also swiping her armpits upon request, lol.) Well, this particular day, I hadn't shaved in a few days, so I had some dark stubble going on. DD looked at my armpits as I put the deodorant on, and said "Mama's armpits dirty!" lol.


----------



## EVC (Jan 29, 2006)

I was playfully blowing dd's bangs out of her eyes one day, which she thought was hilarious. When she wanted me to do it again, she yelled "Blow me! Blow me!" Fortunately I was the only one around to hear this


----------



## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
Then suddenly she got really serious, held one of my hands in both of hers and said with deep concern and sympathy "Oh Mama, you're _twenty-eight_"









My kids love telling everyone how old I am. My son exuberantly introduces himself to everyone who is willing to listen with a condensed family history including names, ages, birthdates, jobs, etc. He usually gets to the point where the person listening is staring at me with a rather panicked look, trying to smile while appearing ready to run away as fast as they can. I have to interrupt him and rescue the beleaguered stranger before he starts giving out social security numbers or something.

He's gotten a little better after I've had a few intense discussions with him about appropriately speaking to non-family members (if you're related, all bets are off).

DD still piped up to the UPS guy last week, "I'm three, Bubba is six and he's almost nine years old! That's my baby and he's ten months old now and my mom is thirty FIVE!! She's older and older and older!"

He laughed all the way back to the truck.


----------



## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

DS [ 3yo ] has been potty trained for exactly a year now, but took him up until about a month ago to realize that he had to point his 'pee pee' down into the toilet so that he wouldn't spray anything within 5ft in front of him.. including me! one time i was trying to show him how to point himself down, but when his daddy got home, he found it funny to say "_daddy, mommy touched my pee pee_".


----------



## KD's Momma (Oct 24, 2004)

DS#2 said "I love to kiss boys" DH nearly fell on the floor. So I asked DS#2 "do you mean that you love to kiss your brothers?" and he said "yeah" to which dh let out a hugh sigh of relief. I just laughed and told him that I am always telling the boys that I love to hug and kiss on them.


----------



## EmilyVorpe (Apr 26, 2007)

When my ds was 2.5 yo, his grandparents were allowed to take him fishing (which, I don't let him do anymore because of this)...
He came home extremely excited that he got to use his own "bitchin ho!" (fishing pole) but was very very sad as he explained grandpa cut the "bitches head off..."

Thank god he's learned to say his F's.


----------



## Mamafreya (May 13, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EmilyVorpe* 
When my ds was 2.5 yo, his grandparents were allowed to take him fishing (which, I don't let him do anymore because of this)...
He came home extremely excited that he got to use his own "bitchin ho!" (fishing pole) but was very very sad as he explained grandpa cut the "bitches head off..."

Thank god he's learned to say his F's.









OMG!







:


----------



## laneysprout (Aug 5, 2006)




----------



## AidansMommy1012 (Jan 9, 2006)

Dh doesn't like coffee, and DS1 takes that to mean that all daddies dislike coffee. So as I was starting the coffeepot one morning, he announced "Daddies don't like coffee. Daddies like beer!"
DS2 hopped out of the bath a few nights ago and noticed that, as he was a little chilly, his nipples were standing up. So he touched them studiously and then announced "My nipples are for touching!"
Finally, when the DS1 was younger, he used to call Curious George "Monkey Jew" (Jew being his try at pronouncing George), and he used to scream this out in the children's section of the library when he found the Curious George books, as other moms and their kids played around us. I wanted to die right there.


----------



## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *darien* 
Today ds4 was pushing a picture of Pres. Obama across the kitchen floor by blowing on it (Who knows why!). I was in his path, so he decided to go under me, saying "Spread your legs for President Obama, Mommy!"









laughup







:









These are way too funny! Thanks for the belly laughs!

ETA - sometimes, in a not great parenting moment, I have been known to say, "Just a minute! I only have two hands!" Well the other day, dd1 was getting smart with dh who was trying to get her moving and ready for the day. She said, "Just a minute! I only have two hands.... and [said with great thoughfulness and sense of reflection] two legs... and one nose... and two feet... " etc on and on, cataloguing her body parts. Too funny.


----------

