# Eating battles (trying to use Love & Logic)



## ksmeadowlark (Jun 17, 2002)

My 25 mo old DS doesn't eat, it is a rare occurence that he will sit down and eat at a normally scheduled mealtime. I understand that this is part of normal toddler development (I think) but it is getting really extreme IMO and it is driving DH and me crazy.

So instead of the "he will get hungry later" approach (it is too easy to give in to snacks like readily available crackers when he is hungry later) we have decided to use the "if, then" scenario at mealtimes.

For example, we sit down with our delicious dinner. DS refuses to eat it but asks for a cookie. We tell him "You can have a cookie AFTER you eat your pasta." We have also tried using "You may go out and play baseball with Daddy AFTER you eat your sandwich," etc.

My friend told me we are bribing DS. I don't agree. This approach has not been foolproof but has gotten DS to eat more "meal" food in the last week than he has in a month.

For those who practice L&L, am I right on this one? I was so emotional after a hard morning with DS that it really upset me that she said this...


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## susabusa (Jul 25, 2003)

Hi -- new user here, but I love "love and logic", so I thought I'd reply. When I used LL I tend to say things in a general statement. So rather than say, if you eat your dinner you get a cookie, I would tend to say"Kids who eat all their dinner, get desert"

I need a refresher course myself and it is time to read the books again for me. My kids have been really pushing the limits lately and I know I react more calmly when I have a fresh mind of LL.

Stephanie


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## geekmom (Jan 12, 2002)

I think you're right, ksmeadowlark, I use L and L a lot and if your child asks for a cookie I would say, "sure, after you eat this or that" I don't have the same problem with my kids in that they mostly eat everything, but I agree that power struggles won't help.

The other thing I'm thinking of trying with a new child placed with me who doesn't really eat (but isn't a toddler) is to try making very nutritious drinks/smoothies for him so that he doesn't have to "eat" if he doesn't want to. I bought some silken tofu and can add fruit and yogurt and whatever else I find works.

Does your DS prefer certain textures or anything? Does he have any "symptoms" after he eats? My friend had 2 children that were HORRIBLE eaters. She found out that htey were allergic to lots of food. Now that the food she feeds them doesn't bother their stomachs they eat much much better.


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## Liz (Mar 8, 2002)

I'm having food battles with my just turned 3 year old after 3 years of no eating problems at all. Very frustrating because I thought we were home free.

Anyway, I don't know what Love and Logic refers to but I really hate offering a "treat" in return for eating a regular meal. I think this sends a message that treats are good and regular food just has to be suffered through until you get to the good part. I have offered to go to the park after dinner and it works but still disturbs me. So I have the same question, is that bribery?


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

I think this sends a message that treats are good and regular food just has to be suffered through until you get to the good part.
That is not a good way to get kids to eat. And I speak from experience!

What I have done, is have set meal times and snack times. No eating and only water to drink in between. Dessert is a sometime thing, and not tied to what was consumed before (though unless it's an ocassion, I don't have dessert if no one ate dinner). But if there is dessert of any sort, then if one gets, all get, even if nothing else was eaten (just a smaller portion).

I have foster kids with food issues, and I'm asked constantly for food. I also have bio kids who eat like birds. They all have to wait for snack time/meal time to eat, so it's predictable.


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

I'm a firm believer in food NEVER being an issue...period...in any form or way...NOT and issue.
We have meals together as a family...my dc are served whatever we've prepared for dinner...they eat what they want...leave what they don't want. Not a word is mentioned otherwise. Meal time together as a family is always a pleasure.
If my dds ask me to make them something I do. Snacks....even desert first sometimes.








I don't keep food in the house that I wouldn't want them to eat.
Food is a BLESSING in any home. No child is going to starve himself/herself to death. Have healthy choices available and let it go! Making any issue out of food/eating will backfire.


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## susabusa (Jul 25, 2003)

My kids will eat out of boredom. They are barely 5 and 3 1/2 (plus a nursling, but that isn't the issue) I think it is important to teach them to really listen to their bodies and decide if they are truly hungry, or if they are thirsty, or if they maybe need to feed their heart with a hug.

I don't believe in making food a power struggle, because then it is about power and not food. But I also don't want the kids to graze all day and then not be hungry for a meal. I always remember being tummy-rumbling hungry around meals -- which I think is healthy rather than just eating because it is time to eat.

But I appreciate hearing your side of it. We have been trying and trying to eat healthier. I belong to a buying club and was amazed at one of our members and what she was able to get her teenagers to eat. When I asked her about it she said simply "The starving will eat anything" I try to keep that in mind when I have a 5 year old telling me he is going to die because he is so hungry, and yet won't help himself to the apples on the table or the snow peas or tomatoes in the garden. So maybe I do offer the healthy choices and let the kids graze -- maybe I need to figure out how to be more consistent. Gotta go to bed, I'm thinking outloud and it isn't making much sense.


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## sparklemom (Dec 11, 2001)

Actually, grazing is physiologically the healthiest way for humans to eat.
Also, anyone who actually needs a hug instead of food or someone who eats out of boredom is someone who at some point early in life connected food with emotions. In other words, someone who had food made into an issue. This is one of the very reasons we don't make even the tee-tiniest issue out of food in our home.


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## bouyant (Jul 28, 2003)

If my son eats sugar, he stops eating food. I try not to say eat this then you get that, I just eliminate sugar from the house. He is a Veeeeerrrrrrryyyyyy healthy eater otherwise. Yeah, maybe not in meals. If health is an issue, only have good food around. ( This forces me to eat healthy too - don't know if I like this or not







)


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