# "Pregnancy Week by Week" and other books--Pet Peeve



## babylove2007 (Mar 30, 2007)

Hi....new here!

I'm a mom-to-be and so glad I discovered this site, because i have so many issues with the baby books and others' pressures. For instance, "Pregnancy Week by Week" says that the baby should be in her own room by 2 months of age.







: Other mainstream books and online boards emphasize the importance of having a nursery with a "theme" and properly placed crib, etc.

Dh and I are in a perfect position to co-sleep since I will be SAHM'ing in an expensive area, and until he starts a new job with higher salary, we are in a moderate-sized 1-bedroom apartment. There's plenty of space for baby to play, but only one bedroom, which we don't mind because he/she will be staying with us! Yet everything I read makes it sound like our place is "unfit" because we won't have a separate space for the baby 2-6 mos after birth.

When my niece was born, my sister and BIL trained her to be in her own room by 4 mos of age because they wanted "sexual privacy," and yes they CIO a little bit.







And I can tell my mom is pushing us to do the same. Like "You say now that you can take it for a year, but you just wait," etc.

Anyone else feel that they have to justify co-sleeping?


----------



## nina_yyc (Nov 5, 2006)

Nope. I'm just not getting up to nurse 3x or more a night. I'm just not.


----------



## Shazer (Oct 6, 2006)

We've been co-sleeping for 7 weeks and I can't imagine it any other way. I get sleep at night, except for insomnia which generally strikes after the three am feeding. The baby sleeps so well and everyone in our family is comfortable except DH at times when the baby makes lots of noise in her sleep. Often I hardly wake up to feed the baby and she barely wakes up to nurse. If I had to drag myself out of bed to get my daughter and drag her out of her crib, no doubt we would be two very cranky individuals.

Check out Dr. Sears' books. He is in favor of co-sleeping and other natural parenting techniques.


----------



## formerluddite (Nov 16, 2006)

you've got your work cut out for you. the pressure will increase when the baby actually gets here, and as a new mom, you'll likely be suceptible to advice that erodes your confidence in your parenting choices.

my advice is keep all complaints and questions for a supportive audience (like here), because your family will promptly attack your parenting practices if you complain ("well that's what you get for carrying her all the time/not teaching her to soothe herself/she's crying because you don't have enough milk/you're starving her and should give her bottles/blah blah blah..."). when they ask questions, smile and answer how well things are going (which hopefully they really will be!).


----------



## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

I have the perfect nursery. I agonized over the crib skirt for about 3 weeks! _(ok, fine it was really 2 months)_ It is beautiful, truly, I get tons of compliments on it.

And the handmade Italian crib makes an awesome laundry container.









Just listen to your baby and you'll be fine.


----------



## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

We're being kicked out of our current apartment (no fault of our own...long story) and all we could find was a TINY 2 bedroom...I'm expecting our 2nd. I don't think the 2nd bedroom could hold James toybox, his dresser, the new baby dresser and a crib AND a twin size bed...no way in heck. So both kiddos will remain in our bed. We MIGHT see if a twin size bed will fit and get James one for his 3rd birthday next year (with our tax returns).

I get LOTS of flack for that. I've even had my GMIL ask me how this baby was made since James is still in our bed. I promply told her we have a big apartment, there are several other rooms other than our bedroom.

Stick to your guns. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive, that is really tough when all you're hearing is negatvity from all sides. ((hugs)) like a PP said, stick around here to help negate some of their ickyness. (((hugs)))


----------



## babylove2007 (Mar 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
We're being kicked out of our current apartment (no fault of our own...long story) and all we could find was a TINY 2 bedroom...I'm expecting our 2nd. I don't think the 2nd bedroom could hold James toybox, his dresser, the new baby dresser and a crib AND a twin size bed...no way in heck. So both kiddos will remain in our bed. We MIGHT see if a twin size bed will fit and get James one for his 3rd birthday next year (with our tax returns).

I get LOTS of flack for that. I've even had my GMIL ask me how this baby was made since James is still in our bed. I promply told her we have a big apartment, there are several other rooms other than our bedroom.

Stick to your guns. I'm sorry your family isn't supportive, that is really tough when all you're hearing is negatvity from all sides. ((hugs)) like a PP said, stick around here to help negate some of their ickyness. (((hugs)))

Wow, what a rude comment from your GMIL--I wouldn't ask anybody about how their babies were made!







: That's another issue I think my parents are concerned about (since they mentioned my sis and her need for "privacy"). We have another room that has a pullout couch and plenty of room, so intimacy will not be an issue. But some people are still in the "these things only happen at night, at bedtime, in the bed" mentality.

[email protected] sounds like a great use for a nursery!









ETA: THANK YOU ALL for being so supportive!!


----------



## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

ITA with the advice not to complain or talk about how tired you are with unsupportive family members. This will certainly fuel the fire for them to "I told you so" you to death and tell you it's because of the choices you made.

I did this with my first child and regretted it as it just made me feel very confused and unsure of myself. I now know who I can confide in and who to just say "everything's great!" to.

You will probably be tired but that isn't going to change by putting a baby in a crib in another room. If anything, you'll get more rest when the baby is an infant with him/her in your bed. Share you issues here and with anyone else who understands your parenting style.


----------



## lurve (May 5, 2006)

my babe is 10 weeks old and i love co-sleeping. it just occurred to me the other day that parents who don't co-sleep have probably never really snugled up with their little ones.

anyway, we did sidecar the crib at first and she would have nothing to do with that. yesterday i moved the crib into "her" room and my husband has agreed to take our bed off the frame. yeah for long-term co-sleeping. i just love the special time with her at night. plus it makes me feel more secure knowing she is right there.


----------



## happy & blessed (Aug 3, 2006)

My baby is 9 months old, and our family asks us all the time when the baby is going to her own room. I just say, "when she is ready". I definitely recommend cosleeping at first! So many new moms are exhausted, and up all night, but I felt pretty rested from the start. Me and my new babe stayed in bed from 8pm until about 10am for the first few weeks - she woke up every hour or so to nurse, but I would just roll towards her, get her latched on, and go back to sleep. It was great!
I still love cosleeping. We are considering trying to move her to a crib so that we can have our "privacy" back







We have been going into the guest room for private times, but it would be nice to have our own bed again







But, I will definitely miss having her in the bed also!
Just listen to your instincts - it just doesn't make sense to have a little babe in another room in a crib. Good luck!


----------



## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I just want to say that I love co-sleeping with my DD who is now 3 . My DH loves co-sleeping (except when he is the one getting kicked!







). We co-slept from day one.

We knew we were going to co-sleep before DD was born so we did not set up a nusery. I did have a diaper and dresser space that was decorated with these cute stuffed flowers and a stuffed sun shine, but I would not call it a theme.

EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE in the family was freaking out about us not getting a crip and planning on co-sleeping.

When I woke up after the first full night after DD was born I knew we had made the right decision. Why would anyone not want their baby right there! I was able to sleep soundly, wake minimally to nurse, fall right back to a sound sleep and KNOW DD was safe sound and breathing.

Family continued to feel sorry for us, as if co-sleeping was not what we wanted to do. Especially when my parents visited and we were in the phase of having 2 queen sized beds on the floor side by side. "That's awful. How can you stand having your room like that?" Of course this comment was from my Mom that thought my sister was ruining her new bed by having the box spring on the floor (no frame).

I don't consider what I say to family (on others) about co-sleeping justifing it. I think of it as singing it's praises.


----------



## babylove2007 (Mar 30, 2007)

Quote:

I don't consider what I say to family (on others) about co-sleeping justifing it. I think of it as singing it's praises.
Well said!









Also, ITA with those saying that you sleep better with the baby in your room. My old boss did the separate rooms, baby-monitor thing and said that he had to listen for the monitor all night, and then he/his wife would have to get up and go into another room all night. That sounds more exhausting!!


----------



## lilysmama1124 (Aug 26, 2006)

I agree with all of the pp but just wanted to comment that my mom was against me having a natural birth, against me having a doula, against me co-sleeping, against me holding my dd all the time, against me not giving her a bottle/paci, against me no vaxing, thinks I'm ridiculous for not having alot of plastic toys.....I have included her in all of these decisions by discussing why they are right for me and she has also witnessed the bennefits of them and has really come around. Don't complain to the people who don't get it yet but do include them. Hopefully when they see it working for you they will open up. Now my mom says she can't imagine my birth being any better (she witnessed a no intervention labor/birth with an amazing doula), she buys me wooden toys, she agrees about no vaxing, co-sleeping, and says my dd is the happiest baby she has ever seen. Now my MIL......still working on her


----------



## AnnieMarie (Dec 1, 2005)

Think you got some wonderful advice here!!









I definitely stick to reading Dr Sears, they have some wonderfull books. I feel that we are very fortunate as far as co-sleeping is concerned, our youngest is 10mos and sleeps with us. We have a kingsize bed, I have taught him to get off feet first at the foot of the bed (where there is a single matress on the floor, in case he falls & which my oldest sleeps on when he feels like it). I didn't even bother setting up a nursery, though I got some funny looks from my MIL she hasn't said anything about our sleeping arrangements. I do make a point of never complaining to anyone who is not pro co-sleeping and attachment parenting, but rather highlight the positives, which are numerous.

My attitude is - we do what works for us - it may not work for everyone, but it works for us - and that is all there is to it. As for those mainstream baby books, give them to someone you don't like







: just kidding


----------



## juliebird (Jan 26, 2007)

oh...do I feel for you! But we're co-sleeping with our third and I wish I had done it with the first two...there's nothing like just listening to the baby's cues instead of dreading the night because you're going to be playing the "up - down" game (when ur trying to get the baby to sleep without you it can be exhausting and frustrating and for me it overshadowed all the rest of the precious time with a newborn.).

But i know that some random person's experiences won't help you when you're getting flack. I did some reading and there are plenty of great resources in the sticky at the beginning of this thread. they tell you how co-sleeping is the best for baby in so many ways. Also, looking at how every other culture since the beginning of time has co-slept kind of puts perspective on the faulty / incomplete research that we hear that questions the safety of co-sleeping. I even think I heard that crib manufacturers support this research...can you say BIAS? But these are just my random thoughts, read up on it yourself and make sure.

bottom line- it's worth it and worth the flack you get...because it is about what's best for baby









oh and one person made a comment (cant' remember where I heard it but it may very well been on this thread) "adults don't even sleep alone, why would we expect babies too?!"

good luck with all the wonderful things you have coming your way!


----------



## Phoebe (Jun 12, 2003)

I hate that book for so many reasons. I didn't even read that part. That book trumps "What to Expect..." in how much it sucks.


----------



## PiePie (Oct 2, 2006)

*babylove*, I am another expectant mama who plans on co-sleeping. It is definitely the parenting choice I feel most likely to be judged negatively about (in contrast to, e.g., breastfeeding) and frankly the one on which I feel most vulnerable. But we are sure we are going to do it. I would recommend against reading Brazelton (at least on sleep) -- he made me doubt this choice.


----------



## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *formerluddite* 
you've got your work cut out for you. the pressure will increase when the baby actually gets here, and as a new mom, you'll likely be suceptible to advice that erodes your confidence in your parenting choices.

*my advice is keep all complaints and questions for a supportive audience* (like here), because your family will promptly attack your parenting practices if you complain ("well that's what you get for carrying her all the time/not teaching her to soothe herself/she's crying because you don't have enough milk/you're starving her and should give her bottles/blah blah blah..."). when they ask questions, smile and answer how well things are going (which hopefully they really will be!).


(bolding mine)
This is really great advice. As your family sees how well it is working for you they may slack off with the 'suggesting' but in my experience it will take a while. You are the parents, you get to make these decisions. Good Luck.


----------



## KnitLady (Jul 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babylove2007* 
And I can tell my mom is pushing us to do the same. Like "You say now that you can take it for a year, but you just wait," etc.

My ds is 13 months and co-sleeping is one of DH & my favorite things about parenting! I've always said if you don't sleep in my bed, you don't get a say. Oh, and your sex life is completely not their business!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *formerluddite* 
my advice is keep all complaints and questions for a supportive audience (like here), because your family will promptly attack your parenting practices if you complain

ITA! I never complain about anything related to my parenting choices to any non-AP people! Not that I have a lot of complaints.


----------



## birdie22 (Apr 1, 2005)

You could try talking about how you plan to breastfeed for six years, or homeschool or something.









Even if you end up not doing these things, it sure will make co-sleeping seem like no big deal!

In my family, my insistence on breastfeeding makes me the "nut," so the co-sleeping, babywearing, non-circ'ing, cloth diapering, etc were lost in the shuffle. They couldn't sway me on bf, so they don't bother trying to talk me out of my "crazy" ways.









BTW, I never thought I would co-sleep. It was totally a matter of survival and common sense. Now I can't imagine any other way.


----------



## kerilynn (Sep 9, 2005)

co-sleepers since day 1
Going on 26 months now, and wouldn't have it any other way
Your baby is lucky to have you!


----------



## manyrainbows (Jun 18, 2006)

we currently only have a 2 bedroom house- and my dad lives with us. So me, hubby, our 3 year old son, and our almost 2 week old son are all in one bedroom. and many times, all in one bed! (we just recently got the 3 year old sleeping in his own bed, in our room. but he still prefers snuggling with mommy!) and there is no room in our room for even a cradle, so we have "no choice" but to co-sleep, but i like it that way! and no one would ever be able to change my mind about it


----------



## babylove2007 (Mar 30, 2007)

Thanks for the support! yeah, it seems like cosleeping or even room-sharing is one of those things that mainstream folks will just come out and say, "You just can't do that" or "Don't." Plus since my sister is older and also "somewhat" mainstream (i say somewhat because she did breastfeed/pump for at least 1 year), I get compared to her in everything so why not in childrearing too!

When my mom stayed at their place when my niece was around 6 mos old, my mom slept in the room with my niece, who was being "sleep trained" and cried at bedtime. My mom was instructed not to go to her if she cries, just let her cry for 20 minutes or so and she'll sleep on her own.







: Plus they felt that they didn't have enough room in their place so they are looking for a larger house. Being the baby sis in the family, it's expected that I'll do likewise. Such is being the younger, maybe?


----------



## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

I never justified ANY of my choices with my family and friends, because I never let them "judge" me for it. Stopped 'em in their tracks, didn't want to hear it, and it didn't take long for them to learn to keep a sock in it. Frankly, discussions about baby's sleep/eating/whatever didn't come up too much.


----------



## Eli's_mommy (Mar 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babylove2007* 
Hi....new here!

I'm a mom-to-be and so glad I discovered this site, because i have so many issues with the baby books and others' pressures. For instance, "Pregnancy Week by Week" says that the baby should be in her own room by 2 months of age.







: Other mainstream books and online boards emphasize the importance of having a nursery with a "theme" and properly placed crib, etc.

Dh and I are in a perfect position to co-sleep since I will be SAHM'ing in an expensive area, and until he starts a new job with higher salary, we are in a moderate-sized 1-bedroom apartment. There's plenty of space for baby to play, but only one bedroom, which we don't mind because he/she will be staying with us! Yet everything I read makes it sound like our place is "unfit" because we won't have a separate space for the baby 2-6 mos after birth.

When my niece was born, my sister and BIL trained her to be in her own room by 4 mos of age because they wanted "sexual privacy," and yes they CIO a little bit.







And I can tell my mom is pushing us to do the same. Like "You say now that you can take it for a year, but you just wait," etc.

Anyone else feel that they have to justify co-sleeping?


I've been co sleeping for a year this month and love it. Not only that, dp and I have plenty of sex!


----------



## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

I tried putting Jake in his crib (in his brother's room) for the night. he was in there for teh entire time he slept until he woke up.

and so was I. i was up and down coudl NOT SLEEP. at all. until he was back in bed with me. I give up. guess we'll just sleep together until he goes to college (j/k).

seriously though. I just COULDN'T SLEEP without him there.


----------



## bdoody11 (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChristyMarie* 
And the handmade Italian crib makes an awesome laundry container.









Us too!









"Your Baby Week by Week" drives me a bit batty as well. It says my 2 month old should be sleeping 7 1/2 hours a night. She is -- but we nurse 2 times a night as well...Hooray for side-lying nursing!


----------



## 2shy2post (Oct 11, 2005)

DH was opposed to cosleeping and to be honest, I was a bit scared too (even though I read all the Sears books). I didn't have any in-the-flesh support for it. KWIM??? I tried putting DS in a crib next to our bed when he was first born. I was always up all night as he would only sleep when I carried him. Then, I became so exhausted that I started falling asleep with him across my chest while I was sitting semi-upright on the couch. DH agreed that if I was THAT exhausted, I should sleep with him on me while in bed so that IF he fell off he would land on something soft. It gradually transitioned to him sleeping next to us. He was about 2-3 weeks old.

You'll be surprised how many people cosleep in some shape or form but don't/won't admit to it so they won't be judged. When I finally became secure with the concept, I was very open about it. When people would ask, kind of in that unapproving tone, I would say, "Of course, because that's where we all sleep the best." Honestly, that's what it's all about. Working well for all of you!

BTW ~ Conception of DD happened when DS was 10mos old.... so much for the "no intimacy theory"


----------



## Cherry Alive (Mar 11, 2007)

It's weird who people get about these things and figure that it's better not to talk to folks about things like sleeping arrangements unless you know them really, really well.

We don't have a child (yet), but we let our dogs and cats share our bed. When my boss found out, he called me sick. He was joking but I could tell it freaked him out, bc he thinks pets are dirty as he leaves his dogs out 24/7 and never bathes them.

I anticipate issues with my inlaws about cosleeping with a child. My FIL flipped out when he heard my dh's cousin let her 4 YO daughter and 7 YO son co-sleep with her (and her hubby) when visiting her dad. He started quoting all sorts of Freudian issues, and saying the son was going to have an Eodipus complex. Oh, well. My inlaws are quite traditional, but they also have been known to change their minds when they see things work out.

We're probably still going to set up a nursery (in the room right across from our bedroom--it'll be nice for a changing table and toys), and we'll get a convertible crib to sidecar with until our future dc decides he/she wants his/her own place to sleep.


----------



## mamadelbosque (Feb 6, 2007)

Yeah, we're co-sleeping - when he decides to sleep. I'm up a lot at night, but frankly can't imagein ehow little sleep I'd be getting with him in his crib. Of course, the last couple nights I've ended up sleeping on the couch because of issues with latching on at night (hes not good *at all* at latching on laying down...*, but then again, he also sleept for a full 6 hours straight (!!!) last night - on my chest of course, but still - most sleep I've gotten in 4 weeks!!


----------



## mezzaluna (Jun 8, 2004)

i will admit there were more drawbacks to cosleeping than i envisioned in my dreamy perfect AP world i fantasized about while pregnant with #1 - but i still wouldn't want to do it any other way.

around 1 year old, we started putting DS down in our guest room at night, and then bringing him to our bed the first time he woke up. and he always woke up! so we always had him in the bed by 2 or 3am. it gave us private time in our own bed, without ending our cosleeping either. (although baby #2 was conceived in some not-so-private time in our bed since our guest room was in use by an exchange student.) lately we've been finding that ds will wake up in the night if he's alone in the guestroom, but can sleep through if he's with us because he'll just roll over and snuggle us and fall back asleep. this is what i envisioned before he was born! but it took about 2 years to get to that point... he needed much more intense help to fall back asleep until recently. he's also started asking sometimes in the middle of the night to be taken back to the guestroom... so we've decided to give him his own bedroom now and leave the choice to him about where he wants to sleep each night, or each part of the night.


----------



## TxMominCT (Nov 23, 2006)

Don't listen to those books! If something doesn't sound right to you it probably isn't! That being said, remember to follow your baby's ques. My little bro and myself would not co-sleep or even sleep in the same room as my parents!! (much to her annoyance!!)So I might have a back up plan if you have one of those RARE babes who need their space from day 1! I'd just do whatever feels right for you and your baby. We co-slept for 7-8months, and are transitioning her out because it's not really working for our family anymore. We do the whole guest bed type thing that a pp said. Except I can only sleep with either DH or DD, so I end up in the guest bed for the remainder of the night! You shouldn't get your baby out of your bed just because a book says to! Do what's right for you and your family!

(and to the pp with the in-law asking about how they got pg with a babe in their bed, I think I'd be very graphic for them just because that is SOO rude. i.e. the kitchen table worked great for us!







)


----------



## TxMominCT (Nov 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilysmama1124* 
I agree with all of the pp but just wanted to comment that my mom was against me having a natural birth, against me having a doula, against me co-sleeping, against me holding my dd all the time, against me not giving her a bottle/paci, against me no vaxing, thinks I'm ridiculous for not having alot of plastic toys.....I have included her in all of these decisions by discussing why they are right for me and she has also witnessed the bennefits of them and has really come around. Don't complain to the people who don't get it yet but do include them. Hopefully when they see it working for you they will open up. Now my mom says she can't imagine my birth being any better (she witnessed a no intervention labor/birth with an amazing doula), she buys me wooden toys, she agrees about no vaxing, co-sleeping, and says my dd is the happiest baby she has ever seen. Now my MIL......still working on her









Sorry to post twice but ITA!! This is what I did and now my Mom is much more comfortable with my choices. We didn't have co-sleeping issues really, but vaxing and a few others she was uncomfortable with. She knows I'm not criticizing what she did. I'm just making my own decisions!


----------



## J's Mombee (Aug 21, 2006)

One of my cousins that has not met DS yet, and he is 10 months old, called and asked us how we were doing. She had heard that we were co-sleeping, and she made a snide comment, that it wouldnt last, and that it would be as hard as H to get him into his own bed at 6 months. I burst out laughing and said well, it wasnt hard, bc we didnt try... he is 10 months old now







ANywho... we love it... we are still happy... DS does have a bassinet next to my bed that I have tried using for naps when I dont nap with him, but lately, I have had to join him for naps, bc he is not sleeping well due to teething... but yes: co-sleeping has been a life saver and such a comfortable way to live.


----------



## AmyJayne19 (Nov 11, 2006)

My MIL seems to think that we'll sleep better if we move ds2 into a bassinet or crib at night. Haha, i wonder if she's coming over every night to get baby and put him back to sleep when hes done nursing.


----------



## MilkyWayMom (Mar 9, 2007)

not only with co sleeping but i feel like i have to defend my position on a lot of things. it's not like any one person has been very vocal about our parenting, but i get a lot of subtle comments and dropped hints. or i just get weird and surprised reactions.


----------

