# Women of Color #13



## rootzdawta

Welcome to the new thread everyone!


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## rootzdawta

Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.


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## purplegirl

:


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## Brown Lioness

Hi ladies!


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## futurmama8

Hello beautiful ladies







:. That thread got very long didn't it.


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## olliepop

Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?


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## eilonwy

I'm so sorry that happened to you. My thoughts, though, would probably come off as unsupportive so I'm not going there. Instead,







:. Be well, beautiful!


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## ErikaDP

Olliepop









Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## ErikaDP

*!WELCOME TO OUR NEW THREAD!*








Thanks Rootzdawta for starting our new thread!








And I hope that this new thread is as successful as the last one!









Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Bloomingstar, how about a mei tai or ABC carrier? My kids have all been pretty heavy and that (along with the traditional West African back carry) has been my lifesaver!! I sewed my own but there are lots of beautiful, strong and functional ones out there. If you don't want to deal with all the straps, there's an Ergo which is still less than a good stroller. However, I'm not opposed to strollers at all. I use them for my kids with no shame. Sometimes you don't feel like having extra weight on you. Sometimes it's nice to have someplace to put stuff.

I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment.







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none







But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe. Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be







and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?


Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.


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## olliepop

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Yup, I have BTDT and it was hard. When I was wearing my hair in twists, my former secretary made a very hurtful comment. It bothered me so much, that I posted on here about it. However, what I quickly realized that it was her problem and not mine. She had many issues with skin color and hair texture. Find pictures or images of women who are rocking natural hair. I saw a young woman the other day with a beautiful fro. This woman was just gorgeous and naturally so. It gave me incentive to continue to grow my hair out and wear it natural again. Lastly, don't let this one incident convince you that everyone sees you that way--one person, one opinion.


Thanks. I appreciate your replies. My self esteem just really took a hit.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
I'm definitely thinking about a back carry. Gonna try to get to a fabric store sometime soon. A stroller would be nice for longer walks and whatnot in the heat. And I think my husband would enjoy one--I am just not too keen on hauling anything around on the bus or up and down the stairs to our apartment.







:

BTDT, but at the time I was living in Western MA where I figured no one could really do my hair. And I was dating ladies then too, so a little androgyny didn't hurt me none







But I also, after awhile, HATED having short hair because I'm a flaming femme at heart and it annoyed me to be misread by people (since they expect femme girls to have longer hair, etc.) I feel you on the being misread thing, but after awhile I also realized it was the other people's issue of misreading me because of their own limitations, and I didn't have to hate my hair or feel bad about it--my hair was doing what it and I needed it to do, and that was all that was important.

*I think so many people just have very limited gender norms and also are bad at reading people's energy or vibe.* Aren't there people you know who, no matter what they're wearing, just ooze whatever they're more inclined to? I have quite a number of butch friends with huge breasts who are always called "sir" and male friends with plenty facial hair who are mistaken for girls--it's just because of the energy they put out. But for these same women who get called sir, and the guys who are called girls, plenty people totally miss the vibe and you end up with the "sirs" getting hit on by men (who maybe just noticed the breasts, after all) and the boys getting hit on by women who haven't noticed that the boys' hair is more "done" than theirs will ever be







and that they can't remotely be interested in them. Completel obvious to some people, but other remain completely oblivious.

All that to say--were you enjoying your hair before? Do you hold this lady's opinion in higher esteem than you own? Enjoy your hair, and be the you that you know you are, and bump the rest.


Yes!!


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

When I first went natural almost 10 years ago and did the big chop I had about 1-2 inches on my head. Whenever someone made a comment that was less than enthusiastic it was pretty hard to deal with...that said, I recently cut off my dreads which we to the middle of my back and guess what? I have a short fro again...yeah, I have gotten some folks who seemed like they think I looked better with long hair, I probably did but I was tired of it and I love the ease of short hair.

The difference this time for me is that I see beauty in many different ways, to sound cheesy I guess you could say I have had a paradigm shift in how I see beauty but its taken years.

All this to say, don't be hard on yourself and brush that woman and her thoughts off.

Shay


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## futurmama8

Since I like looking at the old threads here is the *LINK for WOC #12*

Olliepop I have BTDT. My DP's mother cut my hair and a WHOLE bunch of people were there. I had almost bra strap length permed hair and cut if off until to less than a 1 inch twa. People were saying the most rude things, "why would you do something so stupid?", "Just make it a short permed style, it won't look right natural.", "What if your hair doesn't grow back!!??","you gone look like a boy." I just kept smiling and said I am not tripping my hair will look right no matter what because it just grows that way and that shut them right up. If someone had a inkling to say something off the wall I just sang India Irie's song, "I am not my hair".

I honestly didn't get the whole your hair might not grow back crap. It had been growing forever why because I cut my perm off would it stop? You just have show people that their opinions don't count because they will try to tear you down with their own ignorant mentalities. The lady may have been jealous because she doesn't feel she can wear her hair short so she will say something obviously mean to make you feel bad. She sounds like a bully and I bet you are absolutely beautiful with your hair done any way







.


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## bajamergrrl

I think people will always have something to say when what you're doing doesn't conform to their norms. I've never had a TWA but I've always been natural and there was always somebody with something negative to say about that. The best was when they would try to give me the "compliment" - "Well you can get away with it cause you got good hair." As wearing natural hair has become more mainstream, I've gotten very few comments about it. The most negative came last year when someone in a group I was facilitating decided to do me "favor" and give me her daughter's card since her daughter does hair and she (the mother) was tired looking at my hair pulled into a bun (wasn't growing locks then). At first I didn't know how to take that but the more I thought about it the more insulted I felt. Luckily, those experiences are in the minority for me and I just say to hell with them now.


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## Brown Lioness

I would say i didnt hit "the doldrums" concerning my naps until I started freeforming SEVEN YEARS into locking my hair lol. I had to get used to my thickening root bed and how I would have lil fly-aways everywhere and EVERYBODY wanted to ask me when i was going to twist again. I STILL get people asking (like week before last) when Im going to twist again or they'll just ask when Im going to cut my hair (which I guess is understandable since my hair is stretching past my butt now lol).

I was so down and out about my hair and i seriously considered doing a big chop, but i held fast and now my locks have finally "grown into themselves" and back to feeling lovely again.

I dunno what it is tho that makes people think that they can run a commentary on your appearance like that; its just a huge assumption people make when they wanna comment like that.


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## AndrewsMother

Bloomingstar, speaking from experience I would look for a stroller. I live in Houston and it is 110 degrees outside. "If" I were to ever have a baby in Houston, I probably would not babywear. Maybe in the winter, but not for a majority of the year. You will be hot, and the baby hotter. Andrew was miserable in his Ergo once we moved to Houston, and I am from Atlanta so we know heat. Just not 110 degree in June heat.

We love our Maclaren Quest Mod, and it travels quite well.


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## eilonwy

You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.


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## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
You have locs down past your butt? Fabulous! Have we seen pictures?

I saw a Toni Morrison interview on PBS a while back and she had the most amazing locs I've ever seen. They were really really long and all silvery, and she had them twisted into this ridiculously elegant style-- by which I mean, it looked WAY too elegant to be on a person's head. Absolutely stunning.









LOL, nah no real good recent pic, but im changing that this weekend (i just started my Facebook page and my longlost friends are demanding updated pics).

I heart Toni's locks...i have severe lock envy when it comes to her crown because i LOVE salt and pepper and/or silver locks.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
I would say i didnt hit "the doldrums" concerning my naps until I started freeforming SEVEN YEARS into locking my hair lol. I had to get used to my thickening root bed and how I would have lil fly-aways everywhere and EVERYBODY wanted to ask me when i was going to twist again. I STILL get people asking (like week before last) when Im going to twist again or they'll just ask when Im going to cut my hair (which I guess is understandable since my hair is stretching past my butt now lol).

I was so down and out about my hair and i seriously considered doing a big chop, but i held fast and now my locks have finally "grown into themselves" and back to feeling lovely again.

I dunno what it is tho that makes people think that they can run a commentary on your appearance like that; its just a huge assumption people make when they wanna comment like that.

As a former free-former I agree with you 100%. I had a lot of bad hair days when I was free-forming but it was a journey in more ways than one.


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## rootzdawta

Could I have you ladies' input on this (my thread in personal growth)--either here or there. Thank you.


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## olliepop

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 

All this to say, don't be hard on yourself and brush that woman and her thoughts off.

Shay

I am definitely going to try. Thanks for the BTDT -- sometimes I just need to hear that others have gone through it and have come out stronger and all the better for it. Thanks.


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## Sorin

Cool new thread, ladies.

I've been going through some weird mental gymnastics lately. Earlier this month, DH and I decided to throw caution to the wind and TTC. Originally, I had wanted to wait until around Oct because I'm an academic working on tenure, and next June I will complete all my tenure requirements. So, I wanted to deliver sometime after that (why yes, I'm a mega-planner, why do you ask?) Anyway, DH and I had some epiphanies and just said forget it! Why wait?! Baby now! We engaged in horizontal hijinxs around ovulation time and here I am two weeks later with my period.

Now here's the weird thing, I'm bummed about it and slightly freaking out about it. Even though I *know* that having a baby in the middle of the semester would be a pain in the a** and make for some sleepless, stressful nights come time to turn in my tenure stuff. I KNOW the timing would be wrong if I got pregnant right now, and yet, I find myself disappointed that I am not.

And in the back of my head, there is that little voice--that little "maybe you waited too long" voice. Today is my birthday, and I am now 36. I was so not ready before, and I know that. But yet . . . And I know that it can take perfectly healthy women up to a year to get pregnant, and yet . . . And I know that statistically, I've still got a couple of good eggs left, and yet . . . And I know that we've only been trying for about TWO WEEKS, and yet . . .

WTF is wrong with me?! I'm normally an intelligent, rational person who all of a sudden has to be talked down from the "I want to be pregnant now!" ledge (even though getting pregnant right now would make spring semester *really* hard!) I've turned into a nutcase--but a very private nutcase because I don't want to share my new-found anxiety with DH because it would really bother him (he is very empathetic and would feel just as anxious as I do if I told him). So, the other day, I must have let something slip because he said, "Are you depressed that you didn't get pregnant?" and I just laughed it off and said no.

So . . . um . . . everything's going to be cool, right? I mean, in the long run everything is going to work out, right? RIGHT?!


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## eilonwy

Yes Sorin, everything will work out. What you're feeling probably has a lot less to do with logic and reason than it does with the fact that your hormones are in 'quiet mode' right now. Lots and lots and LOTS of women (i'd go so far as to say the overwhelming majority) experience a mild, bluesy-feeling when they menstruate, even if it's a perfectly normal, expected period. When you're TTC, it's even worse.







You'll feel MUCH better seven to nine days from now. Everything will be upbeat and exciting, strong positive energy, etc.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Cool new thread, ladies.

I've been going through some weird mental gymnastics lately. Earlier this month, DH and I decided to throw caution to the wind and TTC. Originally, I had wanted to wait until around Oct because I'm an academic working on tenure, and next June I will complete all my tenure requirements. So, I wanted to deliver sometime after that (why yes, I'm a mega-planner, why do you ask?) Anyway, DH and I had some epiphanies and just said forget it! Why wait?! Baby now! We engaged in horizontal hijinxs around ovulation time and here I am two weeks later with my period.

Now here's the weird thing, I'm bummed about it and slightly freaking out about it. Even though I *know* that having a baby in the middle of the semester would be a pain in the a** and make for some sleepless, stressful nights come time to turn in my tenure stuff. I KNOW the timing would be wrong if I got pregnant right now, and yet, I find myself disappointed that I am not.

And in the back of my head, there is that little voice--that little "maybe you waited too long" voice. Today is my birthday, and I am now 36. I was so not ready before, and I know that. But yet . . . And I know that it can take perfectly healthy women up to a year to get pregnant, and yet . . . And I know that statistically, I've still got a couple of good eggs left, and yet . . . And I know that we've only been trying for about TWO WEEKS, and yet . . .

WTF is wrong with me?! I'm normally an intelligent, rational person who all of a sudden has to be talked down from the "I want to be pregnant now!" ledge (even though getting pregnant right now would make spring semester *really* hard!) I've turned into a nutcase--but a very private nutcase because I don't want to share my new-found anxiety with DH because it would really bother him (he is very empathetic and would feel just as anxious as I do if I told him). So, the other day, I must have let something slip because he said, "Are you depressed that you didn't get pregnant?" and I just laughed it off and said no.

So . . . um . . . everything's going to be cool, right? I mean, in the long run everything is going to work out, right? RIGHT?!









My response is not based on timing, logic or perfect planning. However, as a sista who tried to wait for the perfect time and universal synchronicity, I timed myself out. Go for it mama. It becomes exponentially more difficult to conceive with each passing year. You are still young enough to have viable eggs. Everything will work out;it always does. I wish you the best


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## Sorin

Thanks, eilonwy and Purplegirl, for your comforting words. I really appreciate it! It is funny, Purplegirl, I did have a moment after my period arrived where I said, "Whew! Ok, let me hold off now for a few months so I can aim for that perfectly timed summer baby." But then I kind of woke up and said, "The time for timing is over. Just let go of the control thing. Things will work out as they are meant to work out--either now, later, or never--and I must be at peace with the outcome."

Hugs to you, Purplegirl. I feel your emotions in your post, and I hope that your life eternally overflows with peace and joy.


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## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Bloomingstar, speaking from experience I would look for a stroller. I live in Houston and it is 110 degrees outside. "If" I were to ever have a baby in Houston, I probably would not babywear. Maybe in the winter, but not for a majority of the year. You will be hot, and the baby hotter. Andrew was miserable in his Ergo once we moved to Houston, and I am from Atlanta so we know heat. Just not 110 degree in June heat.

We love our Maclaren Quest Mod, and it travels quite well.

Yeah, we're gonna go stroller shopping tomorrow. NYC is the second worse place I've lived humidity wise. (nowhere else I've lived tops New Orleans--you get outside for all of 5 seconds and wonder why you bothered to shower since you're already soaking wet







) I've already had a couple sweaty days with the Moby and it's not fun. Facing him outwards helps--but then he won't stop chattering and squeaking at people







It's the cutest thing, albeit quite noisy.

My old boss gave us a Maclaren Techno XT but it'd been living in her basement and she must not have known how filthy it was. I mean, I'd never give someone something so dirty. Or at all dirty. I mean it's so bad my DH refuses to touch it, and when I did it looked like I'd been playing in soot. I wish we had a yard so I could hose it down or something. I put it out in the rain today hoping that'd help it a bit. I can't get the padding off. I should probably get a bucket, spray bottle, etc. and keep trying since it's a perfectly good but FILTHY stroller. I'd prefer to have the baby facing in rather than out right now, and DH really wants to win this one and buy a stroller so I'll let him, but I can't seem to give up hope on the dirty one. Now I'm just reading product reviews of strollers...and I CANNOT believe how much a Bugaboo costs, and how many of them I used to see around where my old job is (Brooklyn Heights).


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## bajamergrrl

Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views







. Feel free to expound on the subject...


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## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views







. Feel free to expound on the subject...

I wondered similar things and never found a group. Then I met a woman in the laundromat who invited me to the neighborhood breastfeeding support group and baby n me class run by the city, with a lactation consultant and the home visit people--who I didn't let visit me, though they called and called since I live in an area that has high rates of something or other bad for moms and babies. When I finally went, I wondered if I'd be the lone weirdo wearing my baby and cloth diapering. Well, all but one of the women are WOC, at least 4 others are cloth diapering at least some of the time, almost all of them wear their babies at some point though they also have strollers, etc., a couple are making their own baby food...yes a couple also use "cry it out"--even the lactation consultant







: But I've found it's more important for me to just spend time with other moms and babies, even if we are along a big spectrum. And my being there has encouraged a couple other moms to try to figure out their Moby wraps one more time, and they now love them, and one of the other moms encouraged me to not be afraid of cloth diapering on the go (meaning I got over my fear of walking around with a bag of poop)...I think at least trying to see what's around you can be a good idea. I was pleasantly surprised and wish I'd started going earlier.


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## Arike

Hi Ladies!

I have been lurking around a bit on this thread, I have been so busy with everything. Ari will be 8 months old on Monday! Where does the time go???
He is almost 18 pounds and I am still wearing him in the Moby Wrap. I think I will probably end up getting the Ergo Carrier. I actually have two strollers, one that stays home and one that stays with his childcare provider. I like using the stroller for when we travel in and around Brooklyn on foot. But I refuse to use the stroller when we use the subway, it's just too crazy for me, especially if I am by myself. He commutes with me 5 days a week and i wear him in the wrap. So I am up and down subway stairs with him in the morning and in the evening. I would think by now my legs would be so diesel...oh well!







And now he does this thing where he wiggles his upper body out of the wrap and starts trying to touch everything while we are in the subway: the pole (ick!), other people and their bags!!!







Besides that, my LO has been teething and he cut his first tooth a few days ago! It's so great watching him grow! In the meantime, i am slowly but surely getting myself back together. I have been working out regularly for two weeks now, which based on my schedule working full-time and commuting is like a miracle for me. I just decided to suck it up and start getting up a little earlier and work out at home to DVDs. I just bought a new DVD set called ChaLean Extreme off of e-bay for cheap and I am excited to try it out. I belong to a gym, but I feel kind of ambivalent about going. I wanted to use a personal trainer who specializes in pre and post natal fitness but I decided it wasn't a necessity so I couldn't justify the cost. The cost of one session basically cost as much as my new DVD set and that includes 15 different workouts.
On another subject, do any of you ladies here use an IUD? I was supposed to get the Paragard IUD yesterday but my old OB-GYN office never sent over my PAP results from last year to my new OB-GYN/Midwifery office. So they told me this when I got to the office, "We never got your PAP results from your old provider so we can't put in the IUD." I am kind of like, if you sent a fax request and never got a response, why didn't you call the doctor's office or perhaps call me so I could follow up on the matter? I took a half day at work for that appointment and I didn't even end up getting any services rendered!







: So now I don't even want to go back there because it just seems sort of incompetent to me. I miss my homebirth midwife...She doesn't really do well woman care because it actually is not financially lucrative for her for whatever reason. She just focuses on births so that's why I decided to branch out and find a midwifery/ob-gyn office to handle my "well woman" needs. Currently my form of family planning is abstinence. Poor DH...LOL
Okay and last thing, me and my parents and little Ari are supposed to go visit my brother in Costa Rica. He randomly decided to go there and be "one with nature" for like 3 months. But he got robbed by two police officers(or two people pretending to be police officers) so now he is thinking about returning a bit earlier.
Okay this is a novel, sorry about that! I hope everyone is doing well today!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
Yeah, we're gonna go stroller shopping tomorrow. NYC is the second worse place I've lived humidity wise. (nowhere else I've lived tops New Orleans--you get outside for all of 5 seconds and wonder why you bothered to shower since you're already soaking wet







) I've already had a couple sweaty days with the Moby and it's not fun. Facing him outwards helps--but then he won't stop chattering and squeaking at people







It's the cutest thing, albeit quite noisy.

My old boss gave us a Maclaren Techno XT but it'd been living in her basement and she must not have known how filthy it was. I mean, I'd never give someone something so dirty. Or at all dirty. I mean it's so bad my DH refuses to touch it, and when I did it looked like I'd been playing in soot. I wish we had a yard so I could hose it down or something. I put it out in the rain today hoping that'd help it a bit. I can't get the padding off. I should probably get a bucket, spray bottle, etc. and keep trying since it's a perfectly good but FILTHY stroller. I'd prefer to have the baby facing in rather than out right now, and DH really wants to win this one and buy a stroller so I'll let him, but I can't seem to give up hope on the dirty one. Now I'm just reading product reviews of strollers...and I CANNOT believe how much a Bugaboo costs, and how many of them I used to see around where my old job is (Brooklyn Heights).

The padding should easily come off, look under the stroller along the frame and you should see fabric looped over metal prongs. I throw the padding in the washer and it always comes clean, and I have a baby blue Maclaren

I love the Bugaboo, and if I ever have another baby I want one, but I would still own a Maclaren because they are just so easy to use. I would not trust airport baggage with a bugaboo, and they don't fold compactly so I don't know if I would want to travel with one either. They also take up a fair amount of trunk space.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
Hi Ladies!
He commutes with me 5 days a week and i wear him in the wrap. So I am up and down subway stairs with him in the morning and in the evening. I would think by now my legs would be so diesel...oh well!







And now he does this thing where he wiggles his upper body out of the wrap and starts trying to touch everything while we are in the subway: the pole (ick!), other people and their bags!!!







!


HA HA HA!!! Just wait until you put him on your back in ther ergo and he desices to grab the hair of the person next to you and suck on it!!! uke


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
I wondered similar things and never found a group. Then I met a woman in the laundromat who invited me to the neighborhood breastfeeding support group and baby n me class run by the city, with a lactation consultant and the home visit people--who I didn't let visit me, though they called and called since I live in an area that has high rates of something or other bad for moms and babies. When I finally went, I wondered if I'd be the lone weirdo wearing my baby and cloth diapering. Well, all but one of the women are WOC, at least 4 others are cloth diapering at least some of the time, almost all of them wear their babies at some point though they also have strollers, etc., a couple are making their own baby food...yes a couple also use "cry it out"--even the lactation consultant







: But I've found it's more important for me to just spend time with other moms and babies, even if we are along a big spectrum. And my being there has encouraged a couple other moms to try to figure out their Moby wraps one more time, and they now love them, and one of the other moms encouraged me to not be afraid of cloth diapering on the go (meaning I got over my fear of walking around with a bag of poop)...I think at least trying to see what's around you can be a good idea. I was pleasantly surprised and wish I'd started going earlier.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I agree with looking around and being open. I'm pretty sure I can find a kindred spirit WOC mom around here, particularly if I make myself visible.

I guess I'm just wondering why it seems like there aren't that many WOC visibly embracing "alternative" parenting/birthing or even applying that label to themselves? Is it because they hold fast to the mainstream for various reasons or is it because the "alternatives" are really pretty run-of-the-mill or passe for them to begin with? Or is there another reason?

I hope that made some sort of sense.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

I need clarification, would you mind listing a few examples?


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
HA HA HA!!! Just wait until you put him on your back in ther ergo and he desices to grab the hair of the person next to you and suck on it!!! uke


OMG!







Now I am going to be paranoid about that! He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
OMG!







Now I am going to be paranoid about that! He puts EVERYTHING in his mouth!

DS has an immune system made of steel!!!

I hate all things nasty, dirty or gross and he trives on them. My boy!!!!!


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I need clarification, would you mind listing a few examples?

Ok, for example, in my family, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and cloth diapering aren't unusual. One of my sisters breastfed her son until he was about 2 yrs old. I don't think my family members think of themselves as doing anything "alternative." On the other hand they also embrace mainstream practices of using cribs, formula and disposable diapers.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Ok, for example, in my family, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and cloth diapering aren't unusual. One of my sisters breastfed her son until he was about 2 yrs old. I don't think my family members think of themselves as doing anything "alternative." On the other hand they also embrace mainstream practices of using cribs, formula and disposable diapers.

I would never consider the above practices to be typical of Black Americans. Yes, I know a few people who do, most follow mainstream practices.

Part of me wants to attempt to answer your question from my point of view, but I don't have the strength to write an essay length response that will not earn me a letter grade.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I would never consider the above practices to be typical of Black Americans. Yes, I know a few people who do, most follow mainstream practices.

Part of me wants to attempt to answer your question from my point of view, but I don't have the strength to write an essay length response that will not earn me a letter grade.

No need for an essay - bullet points are fine







.

My family is Caribbean so I admit my view is definitely colored by that.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
No need for an essay - bullet points are fine







.

My family is Caribbean so I admit my view is definitely colored by that.

A Caribbean background would make a difference.

I sometimes think that in some communites cloth diapering is viewed as old fashioned. Why would one want to wash poop when disposeables are so much easier? or Why would one want to breastfeed and tie themselves down when formula is easy and inexpensive? Or what is the benefit to co-sleeping, other than taking up space in my bed? And AP parenting.....I spank that a**.

No those are not my POV, just some that I have encountered.

Maybe what I am about to say is a stereotype of the Caribbean families that I know, but they all seem to discipline and handle their children on a day to day basis in a mild manner. My parenting role model is from the Caribbean and I love how she has raised her daughters. Her mom is my back up baby sitter, and I can trust that she will be firm, but loving and gentle with my son.
Rarely do I witness these traits in Black Americans when I am out and about.

My American friends seem to favor the belt and spanking over using mistakes as teaching moments.

I have Black friends that breastfed/feed, use disposeables, CIO, eat organic, spank and homeschool. They bf, eat organic because it is healthier, and they homeschool because they school system is not best for their families. And I guess that in their opinions CIO and spankings are best for their children too?

I use to want to find someone just like me, but I have realized that I will never find her!


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views







. Feel free to expound on the subject...


I think we do exist (WOC who would be considered alternative/crunchy) but we are not out there as far as labelling ourselves as such. I had my eldest child in 1992, and I actually co-slept with him until he was 4 but I never would have thought it was some radical thing. Shoot, I grew up spending weekends with my grandparents and always slept with my Granny







.

I grew up with a SAHM so cooking from scratch and being crafty while not my interests for many years are nothing new to me.

Even using medical alternatives, my Granny and folks swore by using castile soaps, cod liver oil, and so on. We have southern roots in my family but again all the things I have named are things that the NFL/AP movement talks about and for me were the norm.

Now where we parted ways is that I was formula fed, my eldest was formula fed but my youngest who will be 4 next month nursed until a few months ago.

I will be honest, I don't dig on talking parenting stuff so much IRL in part because heck I been doing now almost 18 years...I found MDC actually because I decided to use a midwife and that was new for me but funny thing my Pops was delivered at home by a midwife.

I suspect that unless you are in a area that has a high number of WOC where Mama groups with AP leanings may be the norm, you aren't going to find a lot of us at the parenting groups. When I had dd in 05, I tried to get involved with the local AP groups but being a WOC I felt like my race was an issue for others and I just did not want to deal with it. I have WOC friends all over the country and with the exception of like 1-2 most have AP/NFL leanings.

Shay


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
Now I'm just reading product reviews of strollers...and I CANNOT believe how much a Bugaboo costs, and how many of them I used to see around where my old job is (Brooklyn Heights).

In Manhattan where I live and I know in lots of places in Bklyn, Bugaboos are around like a plague. Even if I could afford one, I would never get one on principle.







They don't call Park Slope parents "Stroller Mafias" for nothing!
There are so many perfectly sturdy and good strollers to choose from that won't break the bank. Good luck!


----------



## Draupadi

Oh, and hi! I'm glad we started a new thread!







:
I'm doing good these days, although I've been a little bored and considering getting William into some classes or something. I've also been considering entering a business venture with a friend. We're thinking of opening a drop-in babysitting service. It's still in the planning stages...
I'm on month 5 of ttc and of course, I'm very anxious. I'll be in the 2ww in a few days so please pray to the PTB for me.







I thought I was pregnant last month (and almost think I had an early MC) but it was not to be.
William's beginning the terrible twos and is doing lots of howling and screaming high pitched enough to grate at your eardrums. It never lasts long, but they're definitely increasing in frequency. I think I'm handling it well, though. Despite being GD, I'm pretty strict. Ah...where did my little angel go?


----------



## JustKiya

Oh! New thread! Hello ladies!

Hiya Sorin - welcome to the wonderful and wild emotional rollercoaster that is TTC. One thing that I've gotta share with you as a fellow control freak - let it go. Seriously. You can't control it - you've just gotta guide it and provide as many opportunities for sperm to meet egg and be healthy - both mentally, emotionally, and physically.

May you concieve swiftly and easily, all the same!







:


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:
My old boss gave us a Maclaren Techno XT but it'd been living in her basement and she must not have known how filthy it was. I mean, I'd never give someone something so dirty. Or at all dirty. I mean it's so bad my DH refuses to touch it, and when I did it looked like I'd been playing in soot. I wish we had a yard so I could hose it down or something. I put it out in the rain today hoping that'd help it a bit. I can't get the padding off. I should probably get a bucket, spray bottle, etc. and keep trying since it's a perfectly good but FILTHY stroller. I'd prefer to have the baby facing in rather than out right now, and DH really wants to win this one and buy a stroller so I'll let him, but I can't seem to give up hope on the dirty one. Now I'm just reading product reviews of strollers...and I CANNOT believe how much a Bugaboo costs, and how many of them I used to see around where my old job is (Brooklyn Heights).


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
Yeah, we're gonna go stroller shopping tomorrow. NYC is the second worse place I've lived humidity wise. (nowhere else I've lived tops New Orleans--you get outside for all of 5 seconds and wonder why you bothered to shower since you're already soaking wet







) I've already had a couple sweaty days with the Moby and it's not fun. Facing him outwards helps--but then he won't stop chattering and squeaking at people







It's the cutest thing, albeit quite noisy.



Too true, Bloomingstar, the humidity is murderous. Another excellent reason for a stroller. And like Arike said, I cannot stand using the stroller on the subway.

Like you, I was dumbfounded at the cost of a Bugaboo. I think all the folks wheeling them around must know of some half price outlet place that I don't know about.

Fwiw, I have a Maclaren Techno and it has served me so incredibly well. If you can manage to get that one clean (although I don't have any ideas how), it would serve you well.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
Hi Ladies!


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
In the meantime, i am slowly but surely getting myself back together. I have been working out regularly for two weeks now, which based on my schedule working full-time and commuting is like a miracle for me. I just decided to suck it up and start getting up a little earlier and work out at home to DVDs. I just bought a new DVD set called ChaLean Extreme off of e-bay for cheap and I am excited to try it out. I belong to a gym, but I feel kind of ambivalent about going. I wanted to use a personal trainer who specializes in pre and post natal fitness but I decided it wasn't a necessity so I couldn't justify the cost. The cost of one session basically cost as much as my new DVD set and that includes 15 different workouts.
On another subject, do any of you ladies here use an IUD? I was supposed to get the Paragard IUD yesterday but my old OB-GYN office never sent over my PAP results from last year to my new OB-GYN/Midwifery office. So they told me this when I got to the office, "We never got your PAP results from your old provider so we can't put in the IUD." I am kind of like, if you sent a fax request and never got a response, why didn't you call the doctor's office or perhaps call me so I could follow up on the matter? I took a half day at work for that appointment and I didn't even end up getting any services rendered!







: So now I don't even want to go back there because it just seems sort of incompetent to me. I miss my homebirth midwife...She doesn't really do well woman care because it actually is not financially lucrative for her for whatever reason. She just focuses on births so that's why I decided to branch out and find a midwifery/ob-gyn office to handle my "well woman" needs. Currently my form of family planning is abstinence. Poor DH...LOL

I am so proud of you for sucking it up and getting up early to exercise.







: As you know, that's what I do and I am too proud of myself for doing it. It's not easy at all! Thanks for the DVD rec. I'm always looking for variety. Right now, I use Women's Health DVDs . . . I bought all of them for less than $50 on ebay and I am seeing great results not necessarily in weight loss but in toning, strength and endurance. Plus physically, I feel good. My digestive health is better and I am fighting off cold and infection like a champion.

As for the IUD, I got the paraguard in a few months ago after a huge struggle with the insurance company. I went to three different providers before I finally sucked it up and went to my regular provider. I eventually had to come out of pocket for $700 (but was reimbursed for $550 later). It hurt like hell going in and I was dizzy for a while after insertion. It was in for about two months before the thing came out of place. I realized this when I was on like day 58 or some foolishness. I had to have it removed and it could not be replaced. Money down the drain. While it was in, the periods I had were god-awful. Cramps. Such a heavy flow. But I know a few ladies who have it and are super pleased with it. Our current birth control are condoms and I hate, hate, hate it but I really don't want to do hormonal and I'm done with the IUD. DH says he's done having kids. I am at the point where I think I am too. When ds2 is 4/5 years old, we'll decide if a vasectomy is in order.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
DS has an immune system made of steel!!!

I hate all things nasty, dirty or gross and he trives on them. My boy!!!!!

LoL . . . DS2 also has an immune system of steel. He mouths everything. EVERYTHING. Especially things that are obviously dirty and nasty. It's cool though . . . the whole household could be sick and he just hiccups and keeps it moving.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Yes Sorin, everything will work out. What you're feeling probably has a lot less to do with logic and reason than it does with the fact that your hormones are in 'quiet mode' right now. Lots and lots and LOTS of women (i'd go so far as to say the overwhelming majority) experience a mild, bluesy-feeling when they menstruate, even if it's a perfectly normal, expected period. When you're TTC, it's even worse.







You'll feel MUCH better seven to nine days from now. Everything will be upbeat and exciting, strong positive energy, etc.
















This is very true Sorin. I know that I always find that feeling strange when my period comes and the LAST thing I need right now is another child.

Sending positivity and light your way!


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Lately I've been thinking about mom's groups and playgroups since I'll soon be a mama. I can definitely find a group that's more AP/alternative/crunchy and I can find a group with other WOC. What I can't seem to find is a combination of the two, i.e. a group of WOC that is primarily AP/alternative/crunchy. I know these women must exist in my area since I've seen some brown faces pop up on a local ning site. Well, this got me thinking about why I don't see a lot of WOC mamas who aren't quite so mainstream.

1) Is it because what's considered alternative/crunchy/AP are things that WOC have been doing for a long time and don't think they're doing anything radical?

2) Is it because we feel pressure (subtle or overt) to conform to the predominant culture since we have minority status (in the US)?

3) Is it because alternative/crunchy/AP moms in general are a cultural minority right now and so it makes sense that there would be fewer WOC engaged in that culture?

These are just some of the questions swirling around in my head this morning. I guess I woke up feeling philosophical and reflective about my own upbringing and what led me to my current views







. Feel free to expound on the subject...

My family is Nigerian though I was born here and no one is "crunchy". They think it's strange that I would want to babywear. Strange that I am "still" breastfeeding. Strange that DS2 sleeps in the bed with me. I have not been able to connect with any Nigerian folks on that alternative parenting tip.

In terms of Black Americans, most are mainstream. The ones that I know that are not have been RastafarI and since I have been a part of that community for a long time, I have never felt that isolated feeling, like I'm the only one in that regard. Outside of the RastafarI community though, just going about my business in my predominantly Black/Caribbean neighborhood, I definitely feel like the one and only and people most certainly look at me like I am strange. I can't speak to why that is but what you suggest make sense. I'd say it's probably a combination of all three of those points. If it is "crunchy" and we're doing it, it's not heralded as "AP" . . . it's just natural and what it is. Like carrying your baby on your back back home in Nigeria is not babywearing. It's carrying your baby on your back. I know that one major reason why my family here looks down on babywearing is because they think that it is somehow backwards when living in the modern U.S. There's strollers and car seats . . . formula and baby food. Why be backwards? Why not try to fit into what is "American"? And yeah, sheer numbers would be a really good reason why you don't see that many WOC who are into these "alternative parenting" practices. But we exist. We're out there.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
A Caribbean background would make a difference.

I sometimes think that in some communites cloth diapering is viewed as old fashioned. Why would one want to wash poop when disposeables are so much easier? or Why would one want to breastfeed and tie themselves down when formula is easy and inexpensive? Or what is the benefit to co-sleeping, other than taking up space in my bed? And AP parenting.....I spank that a**.

No those are not my POV, just some that I have encountered.

Maybe what I am about to say is a stereotype of the Caribbean families that I know, but they all seem to discipline and handle their children on a day to day basis in a mild manner. My parenting role model is from the Caribbean and I love how she has raised her daughters. Her mom is my back up baby sitter, and I can trust that she will be firm, but loving and gentle with my son.
Rarely do I witness these traits in Black Americans when I am out and about.

My American friends seem to favor the belt and spanking over using mistakes as teaching moments.

I have Black friends that breastfed/feed, use disposeables, CIO, eat organic, spank and homeschool. They bf, eat organic because it is healthier, and they homeschool because they school system is not best for their families. And I guess that in their opinions CIO and spankings are best for their children too?

I grew up in the Caribbean and spanking is considered a God-given right and necessity on my island. I'm a weirdo in my family for thinking it's unnecessary and not in the best interest of children. I'm of the opinion that this obsession with spanking might be a hold over from slavery days (no evidence to support that theory).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I think we do exist (WOC who would be considered alternative/crunchy) but we are not out there as far as labelling ourselves as such. I had my eldest child in 1992, and I actually co-slept with him until he was 4 but I never would have thought it was some radical thing. Shoot, I grew up spending weekends with my grandparents and always slept with my Granny







.

I grew up with a SAHM so cooking from scratch and being crafty while not my interests for many years are nothing new to me.

Even using medical alternatives, my Granny and folks swore by using castile soaps, cod liver oil, and so on. We have southern roots in my family but again all the things I have named are things that the NFL/AP movement talks about and for me were the norm.

Now where we parted ways is that I was formula fed, my eldest was formula fed but my youngest who will be 4 next month nursed until a few months ago.

I will be honest, I don't dig on talking parenting stuff so much IRL in part because heck I been doing now almost 18 years...I found MDC actually because I decided to use a midwife and that was new for me but funny thing my Pops was delivered at home by a midwife.
Shay

This is similar to my experience. One thing that separates me from other members of my family is that I'm into midwifery care/homebirth. That was not a norm for me. Now that I'm pregnant I find out that my father and his five brothers were all born at home.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
If it is "crunchy" and we're doing it, it's not heralded as "AP" . . . it's just natural and what it is. Like carrying your baby on your back back home in Nigeria is not babywearing. It's carrying your baby on your back. I know that one major reason why my family here looks down on babywearing is because they think that it is somehow backwards when living in the modern U.S. There's strollers and car seats . . . formula and baby food. Why be backwards? Why not try to fit into what is "American"? And yeah, sheer numbers would be a really good reason why you don't see that many WOC who are into these "alternative parenting" practices. But we exist. We're out there.

I know what you mean. Co-sleeping is not a term you hear in my family. I think you hit the nail on the head about mainstream practices being embraced in an effort not to be backward. I suspect (and this is a generalization) that maybe this is a way to defeat stereotypes that portray Africans as being primitive and backward. It also occurred to me that a lot of these crunchy practices were done out of necessity or poverty and abandoning those practices is a way of embracing Western middle class values. I'll admit, when I first heard about co-sleeping in a glorified manner I was confused because I associated it with more with doing it out of necessity not because of childhood development.


----------



## cocoanib

Hi ladies!
What an awesome tribe!
DH and I are ttc #1, so I'll be doing alot of lurking and listening.


----------



## Sorin

DH and I are TTC #1 as well (I posted on the previous page about my weird freak out that I didn't get pregnant after 2 weeks of trying







). To all the ladies who told me to chill out, particularly since my freak out might be hormone related--you were right! AF is now over, and I'm back to feeling like my normal, upbeat self again. Everything will be cool; it will happen. I've let go of the control thing, and plan on having fun makin' some babies! Now DH just has to return from being out of town!


----------



## kimiij

I didn't realize there was a new thread! I'm just checking in here and subbing







.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cocoanib* 
Hi ladies!
What an awesome tribe!
DH and I are ttc #1, so I'll be doing alot of lurking and listening.

Welcome and lots of baby dust to ya


----------



## cocoanib

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
DH and I are TTC #1 as well (I posted on the previous page about my weird freak out that I didn't get pregnant after 2 weeks of trying







). To all the ladies who told me to chill out, particularly since my freak out might be hormone related--you were right! AF is now over, and I'm back to feeling like my normal, upbeat self again. Everything will be cool; it will happen. I've let go of the control thing, and plan on having fun makin' some babies! Now DH just has to return from being out of town!

We will have to learn to go with the flow together









Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Welcome and lots of baby dust to ya









Thanx!







:


----------



## purplegirl

Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!


----------



## bajamergrrl

DH and I got married almost 3 years after we first met.


----------



## cocoanib

We knew each other about 4 years before we got married.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

Two years we had been dating before we got married.


----------



## eilonwy

Mike and I had known one another for two or three years... I can't really remember which.







I've known tHRH since December and I'm ready to throw the towel in, he's entirely too perfect.














I'm so in love.







:


----------



## olliepop

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

DH and I moved in together after dating for two months. Then lived together for 5 years before getting married. We've been married for 11 years now.


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

We were married 13 months after we first met.

Sorin and cocoanib, Ima live vicariously through you two since I am waiting to TTC #1 (hopefully next year this time) and i am an ULTRA planner. I fear that I will totally be a wreck once we start ttc for the lack of control I will have in the process, lol.

As far as the WOC and the "AP" thing, i agree that most black americans are mainstream...to a point. If they pay any attention or listen to their grandmother or great grandmother who will most likely either be or had close ties to the south, they will undoubtedly be practicing some facet of "AP". My husband was cloth diapered....not because it was saving the environment but because its WAY cheaper than buying disposables.

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

We will probably mess up your poll. We were together for 10 years before we got married. We've now been married for five. Fifteen years later, we are still crazy about each other! (Corny, I know.)


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
We will probably mess up your poll. We were together for 10 years before we got married. We've now been married for five. Fifteen years later, we are still crazy about each other! (Corny, I know.)

*swooning*









A dear friend of mine met, who seems like a very nice fellow. He informed her from day one that he didn't want to date unless they shared the same goal of getting married. They are of one accord with this issue. However, he wants to be married by the end of this year, at which time they will have known each other for a total of six months. He has some work issues that will require him to travel overseas for a few months. He wants to make sure he takes care of business before leaving. She feels he is the 'one', but is wondering if the length of time that you know each other pre marriage. correlates with marital happiness/success. I am sure there is research on this topic, but she wanted anecdotal stories.

I knew my dh two years and he lived in another state. Essentially, we only saw each other a few times in that two year period. So I wanted to hear what your experiences were, to either encourage her or tell her to cool things down for a minute.

Oh, I should mention that he will be traveling to a very dangerous region which, I think, is a factor in him wanting to marry her so quickly.

Thanks lovelies!


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 


I am so proud of you for sucking it up and getting up early to exercise.







: As you know, that's what I do and I am too proud of myself for doing it. It's not easy at all! Thanks for the DVD rec. I'm always looking for variety. Right now, I use Women's Health DVDs . . . I bought all of them for less than $50 on ebay and I am seeing great results not necessarily in weight loss but in toning, strength and endurance. Plus physically, I feel good. My digestive health is better and I am fighting off cold and infection like a champion.

As for the IUD, I got the paraguard in a few months ago after a huge struggle with the insurance company. I went to three different providers before I finally sucked it up and went to my regular provider. I eventually had to come out of pocket for $700 (but was reimbursed for $550 later). It hurt like hell going in and I was dizzy for a while after insertion. It was in for about two months before the thing came out of place. I realized this when I was on like day 58 or some foolishness. I had to have it removed and it could not be replaced. Money down the drain. While it was in, the periods I had were god-awful. Cramps. Such a heavy flow. But I know a few ladies who have it and are super pleased with it. Our current birth control are condoms and I hate, hate, hate it but I really don't want to do hormonal and I'm done with the IUD. DH says he's done having kids. I am at the point where I think I am too. When ds2 is 4/5 years old, we'll decide if a vasectomy is in order.














Thanks Rootzdawta! You were inspiring me with your workout that you posted on your blog! And I also my mom actually gave me an unintentional kick in the pants when she said to me in a very callous way "Either you really need to go to the gym or your pregnant again!" She told me this at my friend's wedding reception. Here I was in a new dress thinking I look cute....







But oh well, she isn't exactly a skinny minny either... But I digress, working out feels so good and I am just now starting to feel good about it again. I had felt discouraged before because I have the daunting task of losing at least 15 pounds and just feeling like an alien in my body. I used to be at the gym all the time so I feel sort of embarrassed to go back looking the way I do now. For now, I enjoy working out in front of my tv in the privacy of my own home. I feel mentally ready to put the work in to get results!









In regards to the IUD, I have heard so many mixed things about it. I just really don't want to do hormonal BC because I already have my own issues with hormonal imbalance. And yeah DH hates condoms, and I don't trust a diaphragm. So we really are just abstaining until we figure out what our family planning situation is. We REALLY aren't ready to have another baby and we aren't even sure we want another so it's a big deal for us.

@purplegirl me and Dh were together for 6 years before getting married. Yeah that's a long time!


----------



## futurmama8

I am not married yet so I don't know if I should contribute but me and my DP have been together for 5 years last week







: and have no plans to get married for another few years. I honestly am JUST now seeing how we will be since we were so young when we met.

I personally wouldn't get married that quick because that is out of my comfort level but if she is comfortable and not feeling pressured then she should follow her heart.


----------



## cocoanib

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

I like your take on things. I never thought about it this way.
Seems like the opposition could be deeply rooted.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

ITA When my grandmother found out I was having a homebirth, she flipped out. She had my mom at home with a doctor in Mississippi but to her, that wasn't a choice. She felt like I have access to modern hospitals and technology so why would I choose to give birth at home?


----------



## rootzdawta

I first met DH in February. We started seriously checking for each other in July. By January of the next year, we were hitched. This coming January, we'll make 6 years happily married. And for all the naysaying that came from family and friends, I'm so thrilled that we are still so in love and we are working out fine.







: Sometimes I can hardly believe it especially being that young and with all the doomsday predictions for our relationship. It's amazing.


----------



## AndrewsMother

DH and I married almost 2 years after we met. I told him from day one that I was not going to date him for more than 1 1/2 years without an engagement.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
As far as the WOC and the "AP" thing, i agree that most black americans are mainstream...to a point. If they pay any attention or listen to their grandmother or great grandmother who will most likely either be or had close ties to the south, they will undoubtedly be practicing some facet of "AP". My husband was cloth diapered....not because it was saving the environment but because its WAY cheaper than buying disposables.

I venture to say that so many black americans are opposed to non-mainstreams ways of parenting and such because we fought so hard to BE mainstream.

We fought HARD to be accepted into those labor and delivery wards, we fought HARD to afford the stroller and the formula and the crib, and i think we railed against breastfeeding anymore because had been breastfeeding everyone ELSE'S babies for so long and now we had the opportunity to get a good education and get a job? Why be "chained" to my baby by breastfeeding or looking "low class" or "savage" doing it, right? There was this status image that we were also trying to achieve, you know? Little did they know that they were shunning a heritage, a legacy and some of the glue that had kept our communities together when the world was trying to pull us apart, imo.

I agree with what you said 100%. I really don't think we can just say Americans Blacks are mainstream without looking at the historical legacy. To do so is an injustice IMO.

Like you said, and I agree that many iof us with southern roots have some AP in us but the ugly history of racism and oppression made us shun that when given half the chance. I do think this where we need the younger generations to reclaim that heritage.

I known when I was pregnant with dd, my Pops was worried about me using a midwife but he got a copy of his own birth certificate and realized he had been born at home. Which makes sense, my paternal Granny had 16 kids and in rural Ark between the late 30's-mid 60's there is no way she would have had most of those kids at a hospital but this history was not shared.

When you look at the fact that we (Black American women) often served as wet nurses and domestics you can only imagine why when given the chance we would shun breast-feeding and domesticity at any costs.

So again, its up to us to change things to show we can infact embrace these things as they are positives.

Shay


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Oh, and hi! I'm glad we started a new thread!







:
I'm doing good these days, although I've been a little bored and considering getting William into some classes or something. I've also been considering entering a business venture with a friend. We're thinking of opening a drop-in babysitting service. It's still in the planning stages...
I'm on month 5 of ttc and of course, I'm very anxious. I'll be in the 2ww in a few days so please pray to the PTB for me.







I thought I was pregnant last month (and almost think I had an early MC) but it was not to be.
William's beginning the terrible twos and is doing lots of howling and screaming high pitched enough to grate at your eardrums. It never lasts long, but they're definitely increasing in frequency. I think I'm handling it well, though. Despite being GD, I'm pretty strict. Ah...where did my little angel go?

He'll be back







. I'm going through the same thing with Muhammed, except he can cry forever. This too shall pass.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I agree with what you said 100%. I really don't think we can just say Americans Blacks are mainstream without looking at the historical legacy. To do so is an injustice IMO.

Like you said, and I agree that many iof us with southern roots have some AP in us but the ugly history of racism and oppression made us shun that when given half the chance. I do think this where we need the younger generations to reclaim that heritage.

I known when I was pregnant with dd, my Pops was worried about me using a midwife but he got a copy of his own birth certificate and realized he had been born at home. Which makes sense, my paternal Granny had 16 kids and in rural Ark between the late 30's-mid 60's there is no way she would have had most of those kids at a hospital but this history was not shared.

When you look at the fact that we (Black American women) often served as wet nurses and domestics you can only imagine why when given the chance we would shun breast-feeding and domesticity at any costs.

So again, its up to us to change things to show we can infact embrace these things as they are positives.

Shay

'Nuf said


----------



## wiksty

Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now







Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Could I have you ladies' input on this (my thread in personal growth)--either here or there. Thank you.

I am sooo late on this because I hardly get any emails updating me on new posts. I can only offer you BIG







s because I am so much like you. I can NEVER say no. Which is one reason that I choose to stay away from certain people, but in your case you have no choice. I'm off to read what others wrote to you. In hopes that I may be able to apply some of it. again BIG BIG







s

*CONGRATULATIONS Wiksty*


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

First DP 1 yr. Current DP, from the last week of April 2000 and we married June 9th 2000. We've had a roller coaster ride, but we are still hanging on


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now







Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B

Welcome back. Congrats on the grad school stuff; that is exciting. I live about 45 mins from Baltimore and it is easily one of my favorite cities. It is diverse, still developing and I believe the cost of housing, still affordable. If I didn't have a practice here, that would be one city I would seriously consider relocating to. I know there is another sista on here who resides in Baltimore. Perhaps she will chime in with specifics.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
First DP 1 yr. Current DP, from the last week of April 2000 and we married June 9th 2000. We've had a roller coaster ride, but we are still hanging on









My kinda girl


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
My kinda girl



















You mentioned practice. What do you do


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 









You mentioned practice. What do you do










I am a child and adolescent therapist with a private practice!


----------



## wiksty

Thanks Jannah!

Really Purplegirl?! You live that close?! Oh, we're going to have to get together! We probably wont move out there until this time next year, but I'll be visiting the university and house hunting between now and then! I'll let you know before I come out that way







Psychology was my minor in undergrad; your practice must be a lot of "fun."

DH and I have been married three years this December 21st. I knew from the moment he walked through the door of a friend's house (before I even saw his face or knew his name) that I would marry him. He brought this energy that just, zapped me smitten, lol. I nudged a friend and said, "I'm going to marry that guy." She replied with, "Spy (which is his nickname)? Oh, he's very smart." As if to say...? Lol. But he is...very intelligent, and very wise. That was end of October 2004, we were wed 2006.







:


----------



## purplegirl

Yes, my dear when you move to Charm City (nickname) you'll have no problem getting me to come visit. I think we are going to go for the 4th of July. There will be lots of stuff jumping off.
Baltimore has the most amazing aquarium, lots of outdoor concerts, museums, and shopping. At one point, they had a very high crime rate but I think it has gone down. Again, folks who live there could share specifics.

On another note, an intelligent man is a major turn on. My dh's level of intelligence was a major attractive feature for me


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now







Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B


Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and your reconciliation with your husband!!

I use photobucket to show off pictures. If you need assistance, PM me.


----------



## JustKiya

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Would you all indulge me? How long did you know your DP before marrying him? I had an interesting discussion with a friend about this and thus, I am curious to see what others experiences have been. Thanks!

Met him in 2000, engaged in 2001, married him in 2004. We planned on getting married in 2003, though.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I am a child and adolescent therapist with a private practice!


OMG, I've been on this thread for so long and I didn't know that. Wow, you must have strong shoulders


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Yes, my dear when you move to Charm City (nickname) you'll have no problem getting me to come visit. I think we are going to go for the 4th of July. There will be lots of stuff jumping off.
Baltimore has the most amazing aquarium, lots of outdoor concerts, museums, and shopping. At one point, they had a very high crime rate but I think it has gone down. Again, folks who live there could share specifics.


We've been to Baltimore a few times. The most recent was for my BIL wedding, his wife is from there. They are living in NYC, but plan to move to Baltimore in the future.

One of the places that I visited when I was there was the Black museum. I also enjoyed the inner harbor and the childrens museum that is there.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
On another note, an intelligent man is a major turn on. My dh's level of intelligence was a major attractive feature for me









Isn't it? He has taught me so much and I am still amazed at how many things he's got stored in that big head of his!

I'm so excited about Baltimore. Sounds like "my kind of town"









I'm really BIG on aquariums and science centers and zoos and such...and bodies of water, culture, art, music, and FOOD...I need to live in a city...cannot beat a charming one *giggles* How did it get that name, do you know?


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter and your reconciliation with your husband!!

I use photobucket to show off pictures. If you need assistance, PM me.

TY, and I will!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
We've been to Baltimore a few times. The most recent was for my BIL wedding, his wife is from there. They are living in NYC, but plan to move to Baltimore in the future.

One of the places that I visited when I was there was the Black museum. I also enjoyed the inner harbor and the childrens museum that is there.

ooooh! Everything I hear about it makes me so excited to get there! I do believe my school is located near the harbor


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Isn't it? He has taught me so much and I am still amazed at how many things he's got stored in that big head of his!

I'm so excited about Baltimore. Sounds like "my kind of town"









I'm really BIG on aquariums and science centers and zoos and such...and bodies of water, culture, art, music, and FOOD...I need to live in a city...cannot beat a charming one *giggles* How did it get that name, do you know?


This is what I found, "Located on the East Coast of the United States, between New York City and Washington, D.C., Baltimore has been nicknamed "Charm City" for its many attractions and friendly residents. One of America's oldest cities, Baltimore is known for its rich ethnic and maritime heritage, sense of history and fine food."


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Isn't it? He has taught me so much and I am still amazed at how many things he's got stored in that big head of his!

I'm so excited about Baltimore. Sounds like "my kind of town"









I'm really BIG on aquariums and science centers and zoos and such...and bodies of water, culture, art, music, and FOOD...I need to live in a city...cannot beat a charming one *giggles* How did it get that name, do you know?


Omg, girl. I am excited talking to you about it. I think you will love it. The inner harbor is a happening place. There are always street vendors, nice places to eat and interesting things to purchase. The last time I was there (3wks ago), I took the water taxi to Fells Point which is a trendy section offering ethnic restaurants and such.
Johns Hopkins is there so you will have access to the state of the art medicine and research. BMore is close to DC and not far from Philly. Notice I skipped right over Delaware







I find it to be an easy city to navigate as well. I saw some very charming row homes and lots of condos on the water.
My family is hosting a reunion there in late August, so I will be able to check out more stuff for ya!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
This is what I found, "Located on the East Coast of the United States, between New York City and Washington, D.C., Baltimore has been nicknamed "Charm City" for its many attractions and friendly residents. One of America's oldest cities, Baltimore is known for its rich ethnic and maritime heritage, sense of history and fine food."

Thank you! I'm getting all giddy about the move and it's not going to happen for around a year, but still...the city sounds awesome, and the grad school program was MADE for me! It's a good thing the program is three years (they only want students to take 6 credit hours/semester and I'm used to 12-18) and that the classes are all at night; I'll have plenty of time to enjoy the city!


----------



## eilonwy

Witsky, I'm totally jealous. I'd love to go to school in Baltimore.







I haven't visited in ages (money sucks) but I need to get back out there. At some point, I'll probably collect tHRH and a kid or three and spend the day out at Inner Harbor, the aquarium, all that good stuff. It's a fun trip.


----------



## AndrewsMother

What exactly is child abuse? Please give me a few scenarios. Nothing sexual.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
What exactly is child abuse? Please give me a few scenarios. Nothing sexual.

I see child abuse as clear neglect or neglect. While MDC does not stand behind things such as CIO or spanking, I can't say that those are considered abuse in many cases though clearly beating your kid with a 2 by 4 is clearly abuse even in places that legally allow for spanking.

I don't know but working with the families that I do, I see things that would be considred abuse and as a mandated reporter I have reported.

Is there something more specific you are looking for as far as something you think is abuse but are not sure of?


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

I don't know how to put text behind a cut...is there a way? I wanted to post my homebirth story here but it's sorta lengthy. If not I'll just link you to my online journal...

She's wonderful, and chubbier now







Big sis is awesome too, and she turns 2 on July2nd. I cannot believe my girls are growing up so fast!

Just to give you an update...I've decided on a grad school. I got in to Emerson, but they wouldn't allow me to defer, so I choose Univeristy of Baltimore (going for an MFA in Creative Writing and Publishing) and I defered until Fall 2010.

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research. It would help if my brain wasn't dead from having two young children, and it didn't take all of my energy to keep the house clean, and all of my sanity to be an attached parent, and all of my will power to remain compassionate, lol.

Anywho, things are back to peachy with hubby. I'm glad we separated...horrible as that sounds, but we came back together so much stronger and understanding. I love him just like I used to now...but stronger...if you can feel me on that one.

Well, there's tons to do. How do I post pictures here? I'd like to show yo uall the fam!

~B

Congrats!!! You will absolutley LOVE the inner harbor of Baltimore! That is like THE spot to BE in B-more!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Omg, girl. I am excited talking to you about it. I think you will love it. The inner harbor is a happening place. There are always street vendors, nice places to eat and interesting things to purchase. The last time I was there (3wks ago), I took the water taxi to Fells Point which is a trendy section offering ethnic restaurants and such.
Johns Hopkins is there so you will have access to the state of the art medicine and research. BMore is close to DC and not far from Philly. Notice I skipped right over Delaware







I find it to be an easy city to navigate as well. I saw some very charming row homes and lots of condos on the water.
My family is hosting a reunion there in late August, so I will be able to check out more stuff for ya!

I finally figured out the multi quote, lol, go me! Anywho...this place just gets better and better! IDK if you remember or not...but awhile back i was asking about my daughter's hair (she's got an interesting set of curls...daddy is white and i'm black). Someone here told me about Oyin...isn't that out of Baltimore too? I'll have to recheck...

Fells Point? I'll make a note of that. Maybe we'll pay a visit on the house hunting trip?! I've never been to Philly or DC...there's so much more to DO and see on the East coast than in the midwest! How close are the mountains? Know of any good hiking places or places with waterfalls and such?

The day my family reunites hell will freeze over...or fill up, lol.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Witsky, I'm totally jealous. I'd love to go to school in Baltimore.







I haven't visited in ages (money sucks) but I need to get back out there. At some point, I'll probably collect tHRH and a kid or three and spend the day out at Inner Harbor, the aquarium, all that good stuff. It's a fun trip.









Aww! You can come visit! Lol. (But leave the kids! J/k...what's THRH?) I nearly cried when turning down the school in Boston, but that was before I found out just how awesome Baltimore would be! I keep saying that we won't buy a house...won't settle, because I'd surely leave for NYC after grad school...but I dunno anymore. The city just may win me over and make me call it home! I do love NYC too though. and Chicago. Maybe I was just made for the city.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Congrats!!! You will absolutley LOVE the inner harbor of Baltimore! That is like THE spot to BE in B-more!

Aaugh! Is it?!

Do you live there?!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 

Is there something more specific you are looking for as far as something you think is abuse but are not sure of?

Yes. I have to pick up DH, but I will post later.


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
What exactly is child abuse? Please give me a few scenarios. Nothing sexual.

I can give you a few personal experiences







.

1. My brother and I were 4 maybe 5 and he was really sick, like flu sick, and wasn't hungry at all. Our stepfather made him eat and told him if he threw up, he would beat his butt. So my brother scarfed down 2 cheese coney's and tried to tell my mom he wanted to throw up. Well...he did, all over the floor and started crying because he knew what was coming. My then stepfather took off his belt and beat him until he stopped crying and just laid there and his mother(stepfather's mother) told him that was enough. He beat him for about 3 mins straight with a lot of anger for no absolute reason. My mother never interjected and we both felt very betrayed but she knew if she did she would also get beat but it is still no excuse.

2. One early morning when I was about 6 or 7 I fell asleep waiting for my mom to come home as she worked 3rd shift. She came home and woke me up and gave me a present..The Lion King!!! I was so excited so at 7 am I immediately watched it. So an hour later my stepfather came downstairs to sit down. I was so engrossed in the movie, that he actually yelled my name and said, "Rianne!! come over here and bend over my knee, you gone get it". I knew what was happening and just started crying and he proceeded to hit me for about 2 mins and told me to sit down. I have no memory of doing anything as I tried my hardest to avoid him and his anger.

Now verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical and I seriously think that is why my brother is so messed up now. He was constantly called retarded and stupid and my stepfather never showed him any affection or attention unless it was negative.

I hoped that helped AM.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
Now verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical and I seriously think that is why my brother is so messed up now. He was constantly called retarded and stupid and my stepfather never showed him any affection or attention unless it was negative.

My stepfather was very similair...and my mother didn't do anything about it. I'm still getting over the effects of those years in hell.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
I finally figured out the multi quote, lol, go me! Anywho...this place just gets better and better! IDK if you remember or not...but awhile back i was asking about my daughter's hair (she's got an interesting set of curls...daddy is white and i'm black). *Someone here told me about Oyin...isn't that out of Baltimore too? I'll have to recheck...
*
Fells Point? I'll make a note of that. Maybe we'll pay a visit on the house hunting trip?! I've never been to Philly or DC...there's so much more to DO and see on the East coast than in the midwest! How close are the mountains? Know of any good hiking places or places with waterfalls and such?

The day my family reunites hell will freeze over...or fill up, lol.

Aww! You can come visit! Lol. (But leave the kids! J/k...what's THRH?) I nearly cried when turning down the school in Boston, but that was before I found out just how awesome Baltimore would be! I keep saying that we won't buy a house...won't settle, because I'd surely leave for NYC after grad school...but I dunno anymore. The city just may win me over and make me call it home! I do love NYC too though. and Chicago. Maybe I was just made for the city.

The beautiful Oyin mama is part of our tribe.







Yes, they are located in B-More.

The Shenandoah Valley isn't very far from B-More. There are mountains and a hikers playground. I'd say it is about 2 hours from b-more or less.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I can give you a few personal experiences







.

1. My brother and I were 4 maybe 5 and he was really sick, like flu sick, and wasn't hungry at all. Our stepfather made him eat and told him if he threw up, he would beat his butt. So my brother scarfed down 2 cheese coney's and tried to tell my mom he wanted to throw up. Well...he did, all over the floor and started crying because he knew what was coming. My then stepfather took off his belt and beat him until he stopped crying and just laid there and his mother(stepfather's mother) told him that was enough. He beat him for about 3 mins straight with a lot of anger for no absolute reason. My mother never interjected and we both felt very betrayed but she knew if she did she would also get beat but it is still no excuse.

2. One early morning when I was about 6 or 7 I fell asleep waiting for my mom to come home as she worked 3rd shift. She came home and woke me up and gave me a present..The Lion King!!! I was so excited so at 7 am I immediately watched it. So an hour later my stepfather came downstairs to sit down. I was so engrossed in the movie, that he actually yelled my name and said, "Rianne!! come over here and bend over my knee, you gone get it". I knew what was happening and just started crying and he proceeded to hit me for about 2 mins and told me to sit down. I have no memory of doing anything as I tried my hardest to avoid him and his anger.

Now verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical and I seriously think that is why my brother is so messed up now. He was constantly called retarded and stupid and my stepfather never showed him any affection or attention unless it was negative.

I hoped that helped AM.

Oh Rianne







. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your brother







's. Stories like this break my heart.








's to you too *Wiksty*

*ETA:* If you guys can avoid it can you not post anymore horrible stories. It really does make my heart sick and give me the blues. I'm still







over here with these images in my head.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Oh Rianne







. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your brother







's. Stories like this break my heart.








's to you too *Wiksty*

*ETA:* If you guys can avoid it can you not post anymore horrible stories. It really does make my heart sick and give me the blues. I'm still







over here with these images in my head.


----------



## AndrewsMother

I decided to make a report. I know that it is, but I was hesitant all the same.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I decided to make a report. I know that it is, but I was hesitant all the same.

Do what you have to do. I once did and I have NO regrets.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I decided to make a report. I know that it is, but I was hesitant all the same.

Glad you followed your gut. It can be hard.

To futurmama8 and wiksty


----------



## futurmama8

Thanks guys







I have grow a lot since that time and had to learn to trust my mom again but I am a much better person because of it.

Sorry Jannah I really didn't mean to stir up anything in you









AM as long as you feel you did what was best that is all that matters


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
The beautiful Oyin mama is part of our tribe.







*Yes, they are located in B-More.*

The Shenandoah Valley isn't very far from B-More. There are mountains and a hikers playground. I'd say it is about 2 hours from b-more or less.

Aaugh! I thought so! How awesome! People who will know about MY hair and products for ME?! Maybe hairdressers too?! OMG...I haven't had my hair done since...gah, so long ago i cannot recall. I just spent over four hours the other night (exhausted, because I'm a SAHM right now and I'd FINALLY got both kids to sleep) washing and trimming and straightening my own hair.

It was HORRIBLE. I mean, it looks wonderful...though I wish I could manage it without straightening it, and I've debated locks plenty of tiemes...but it took forEVER, and my arms hurt afterward, lol. I need someone I can rely on to do it for me. There is NO ONE in this town who will touch natural black hair. It's insane. I've got no support system and it's tough for meto manage on my own...still chemical free as I can be though! Haven't had a relexer in...5 years now! and my hair is the healthiest I can ever remember it being.









The valley sounds nice as well! I LOVE the outdoors


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Aaugh! Is it?!

Do you live there?!

LOL, no ma'am, i live about 50 mins due southeast from Bmore, but ive been up there enough to know that i love the inner harbor and apparently everyone else does too lol.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Aaugh! I thought so! How awesome! *People who will know about MY hair and products for ME?! Maybe hairdressers too*?! OMG...I haven't had my hair done since...gah, so long ago i cannot recall. I just spent over four hours the other night (exhausted, because I'm a SAHM right now and I'd FINALLY got both kids to sleep) washing and trimming and straightening my own hair.

It was HORRIBLE. I mean, it looks wonderful...though I wish I could manage it without straightening it, and I've debated locks plenty of tiemes...but it took forEVER, and my arms hurt afterward, lol. I need someone I can rely on to do it for me. There is NO ONE in this town who will touch natural black hair. It's insane. I've got no support system and it's tough for meto manage on my own...still chemical free as I can be though! Haven't had a relexer in...5 years now! and my hair is the healthiest I can ever remember it being.









The valley sounds nice as well! I LOVE the outdoors









You won't have any problems finding someone to do your hair. The one funny thing about Baltimore is every time I visit, I always see some *ahem* interesting hairstyles!


----------



## kimiij

A little OT, but does anyone here live in CT? I'm moving at the beginning of August and I'm wondering if anyone is in the area?


----------



## Sorin

I'm not from B-More, but I have visited the city and quite like it. My favorite things about it are the seafood and the fact that Edgar Allen Poe died in the street somewhere in that fair city (sorry if that is too morbid, but I'm a literature geek). Plus, did I say they have great seafood?


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 
A little OT, but does anyone here live in CT? I'm moving at the beginning of August and I'm wondering if anyone is in the area?

Erica who doesn't post often lives there. A good friend of mine just moved back to CT from here in Maine, so I will be trying to visit often. Where in CT are you looking at?


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
LOL, no ma'am, i live about 50 mins due southeast from Bmore, but ive been up there enough to know that i love the inner harbor and apparently everyone else does too lol.

Awww







Still, that's close enuf to visit and it sounds like you know the city well! I cannot wait for our first visit!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
You won't have any problems finding someone to do your hair. The one funny thing about Baltimore is every time I visit, I always see some *ahem* interesting hairstyles!









Lol. At least I can feel good about being unique with my style and wear my hair the way i really want to soon! Have you got any references?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
I'm not from B-More, but I have visited the city and quite like it. My favorite things about it are the seafood and the fact that Edgar Allen Poe died in the street somewhere in that fair city (sorry if that is too morbid, but I'm a literature geek). Plus, did I say they have great seafood?









OMG, talk about loving lit., I got my BA in English just because I loved to read and discover new works







I saw online that B-more is doing a year long tribute to Poe...check this out








http://www.nevermore2009.com/events.php

On another note...took a preg test yesterday.

Negative.

But i'm not convinced, yet. I would kill hubby this time! I don't knwo what to do though. I don't believe (or have a body which supports) taking those hormone pills. Even the lowest doses used to make me vomit multiple times/day. (I tried BC for a total of two years before saying I'd never go back). I REALLY don't want to get pregnant again though. Not until I finish grad school at least...any ideas or forums where I can discuss this? I thought about charting my cycle, but as I just had Bug not 3 months ago and I'm nursing I don't expect to start again anytime soon (fingers crossed). Help!


----------



## eilonwy

Have you thought about Paraguard? It might be a good option for you. I'm CTA for the time being; THRH and I have discussed things and he says he's willing to go the distance and be snipped if it comes to it, that he'd rather do it than leave me to be snipped. Isn't he sweet?


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 
A little OT, but does anyone here live in CT? I'm moving at the beginning of August and I'm wondering if anyone is in the area?

Hi Kimiji,

I live in central CT. But because we are unschoolers, we have friends/activities that take us all over the state.
Where in CT are you moving to?
Please feel free to contact me personally anytime with questions.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## kimiij

Hi Shay and Erika!

I'm moving to New Haven, CT. Is that considered central CT?


----------



## Valid28

Hi ladies it's been a while since I've last posted. I just wanted to join you all on the new thread.


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 
Hi Shay and Erika!

I'm moving to New Haven, CT. Is that considered central CT?

Hi Again,

No, New Haven is not considered central CT. But New Haven is in the center of the CT shoreline.
Where I live is almost equal distance from the shoreline and the Massachusetts border north/south and we are at almost the midpoint east/west too.
We are about 30 miles north of New Haven.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## AndrewsMother

Was anyone ever told as a child/adolescent/teen that they were acting common?

Just yesterday I told my DH to stop acting common, and in that instant I knew that I had become my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts all at the same time.

My DH is very accustomed to me, so he just shook his head, but he knew that I meant what I said!

It feels lovely to pass on handed down expressions?

Does anyone else say the very things that their moms/grandmom/aunts said to them.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Was anyone ever told as a child/adolescent/teen that they were acting common?

Just yesterday I told my DH to stop acting common, and in that instant I knew that I had become my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts all at the same time.

My DH is very accustomed to me, so he just shook his head, but he knew that I meant what I said!

It feels lovely to pass on handed down expressions?

Does anyone else say the very things that their moms/grandmom/aunts said to them.

I told ds the other day "Be Civil!" and immediately regretted it. It was my mom all over again!


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Was anyone ever told as a child/adolescent/teen that they were acting common?

Just yesterday I told my DH to stop acting common, and in that instant I knew that I had become my Mom, Grandmother and Aunts all at the same time.

My DH is very accustomed to me, so he just shook his head, but he knew that I meant what I said!

It feels lovely to pass on handed down expressions?

Does anyone else say the very things that their moms/grandmom/aunts said to them.

Even though I am not a mom yet I find myself constantly using cliche's as my mom does this constantly. I have to fight the urge to say things like, "I'm not trying to fatten them, just feed" or "the first time is a mistake, the second time is a habit". I get annoyed with my mom when she does this but here I am doing the same thing







.


----------



## futurmama8

Can you guys come over to family safety to help with a problem I am having







.
Here is the *link*


----------



## Jannah6

I didn't know where to post this, but it feels like I know most of you ladies. So, you're tagged. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE MY EVER LOVING MIND. THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING ME UP THE &*^$%$%^& WALL!!!! It never ends with them. The arguing, the teasing, the talking, and the list goes on and on. I could scream, I feel so overwhelmed. Even when we go outside, it's always something! This is the WORST that it has ever been for me. My husband who is supposed to help me has been "sick" for two days. Well, at least after work.
We NEED more space. I'm missing our old house in NJ





















Thanks for listening ladies.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I didn't know where to post this, but it feels like I know most of you ladies. So, you're tagged. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE MY EVER LOVING MIND. THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING ME UP THE &*^$%$%^& WALL!!!! It never ends with them. The arguing, the teasing, the talking, and the list goes on and on. I could scream, I feel so overwhelmed. Even when we go outside, it's always something! This is the WORST that it has ever been for me. My husband who is supposed to help me has been "sick" for two days. Well, at least after work.
We NEED more space. I'm missing our old house in NJ





















Thanks for listening ladies.









No words of advice but I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts. More strength to you.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Jannah6


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you ladies.


----------



## eilonwy

, Jannah. Any chance that you're anemic? That'll make everything feel like a tragedy, in my experience.

Then again, you've got six kids! It's *going* to be overwhelming sometimes. Two kids can be overwhelming sometimes!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Jannah, it will get better!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Have you thought about Paraguard? It might be a good option for you. I'm CTA for the time being; THRH and I have discussed things and he says he's willing to go the distance and be snipped if it comes to it, that he'd rather do it than leave me to be snipped. Isn't he sweet?









Me? I've never heard of paragaurd...what is it?


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Kimiji,

I live in central CT. But because we are unschoolers, we have friends/activities that take us all over the state.
Where in CT are you moving to?
Please feel free to contact me personally anytime with questions.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Could you explain to me unschooling? or lead me to a website? my husband and i sre seriously considering homeschooling our children, but we've come across this type of method a few times. I've only heard one person describe me their version and i wasn't sure if it was like, unschooling law or if everyone individualizes it? How would you describe your "method" and are the schooling officials or govt. hounding you?'

and (sorry so many ?s just hoping to find out what i'm going to be up against and need to get prepared for fighting...crushing *winks*) does anyone know how people will treat me (being as I am, how we live, AP, homebirthing, cloth diapering, recycling, organic food eaters, herbal and homepathic remedy seekers, educated mixed family)...does anyone know how the attitude is going to be about those things out east?


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I didn't know where to post this, but it feels like I know most of you ladies. So, you're tagged. I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO LOSE MY EVER LOVING MIND. THESE KIDS ARE DRIVING ME UP THE &*^$%$%^& WALL!!!! It never ends with them. The arguing, the teasing, the talking, and the list goes on and on. I could scream, I feel so overwhelmed. Even when we go outside, it's always something! This is the WORST that it has ever been for me. My husband who is supposed to help me has been "sick" for two days. Well, at least after work.
We NEED more space. I'm missing our old house in NJ





















Thanks for listening ladies.

Oh!









and we want six kids too!...maybe...now that we've got two, lol.


----------



## rootzdawta

Wiksty, I know you didn't ask me but . . . I was very wary of unschooling when I decided to undertake the task of homeschooling my boys. Well, from how I understand (and now embrace it) is that unschooling is that you let the child lead his/her learning. In other words, you're never forcing anything down his/her throat or following a strict curriculum that says "You must do X for 10 days then Y for another 10 days". So far how it is applied in my life is that I keep a general idea of what my son should know in each grade in my head and through his interests, he learns it. So last month or so we've been studying birds--learning the anatomy (vocabulary) using birds to learn about sequences and counting, bird singing as music, birdwatching as classifying, etc . . . he's already into birds so it's not a big struggle to get him to do all these things. For me, it's also about letting go to some extent. DS is into computer games big time . . . and while I hate to label myself, moving closer to the unschooling way of thinking has given me the courage to let him play, knowing that he's learning. And when I give him that space, he is willing to sit with me and read, practice his writing, count, work in his workbook, etc.

The best (concise) explanation I've found.

BTW, I'm currently reading Raising Cain and How Children Learn which both are pushing me further into the unschooling camp.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Me? I've never heard of paragaurd...what is it?

Paragard is a copper IUD or intra-uterine device. It's a long-term, non-hormonal contraceptive option for women who've already had children. I've heard horror stories and I've heard LOTS of happy customer stories, too-- you'll definately want to do your research.







In any case, I think they're good for 5-10 years, so if you're not planning any children between now and then it's certainly something to consider. It's not an option for me, but it might be a good one for you.


----------



## rootzdawta

Paraguard is the one I had Wiksty.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Wiksty, I know you didn't ask me but . . . I was very wary of unschooling when I decided to undertake the task of homeschooling my boys. Well, from how I understand (and now embrace it) is that unschooling is that you let the child lead his/her learning. In other words, you're never forcing anything down his/her throat or following a strict curriculum that says "You must do X for 10 days then Y for another 10 days". So far how it is applied in my life is that I keep a general idea of what my son should know in each grade in my head and through his interests, he learns it. So last month or so we've been studying birds--learning the anatomy (vocabulary) using birds to learn about sequences and counting, bird singing as music, birdwatching as classifying, etc . . . he's already into birds so it's not a big struggle to get him to do all these things. For me, it's also about letting go to some extent. DS is into computer games big time . . . and while I hate to label myself, moving closer to the unschooling way of thinking has given me the courage to let him play, knowing that he's learning. And when I give him that space, he is willing to sit with me and read, practice his writing, count, work in his workbook, etc.

The best (concise) explanation I've found.

BTW, I'm currently reading Raising Cain and How Children Learn which both are pushing me further into the unschooling camp.

Thank you so much for this. Right now i'm in a hurry but it's all great information and it's encouraging me to look further into it. Do you have any trouble with the state or anyone trying to devalue your methods?


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Paragard is a copper IUD or intra-uterine device. It's a long-term, non-hormonal contraceptive option for women who've already had children. I've heard horror stories and I've heard LOTS of happy customer stories, too-- you'll definately want to do your research.







In any case, I think they're good for 5-10 years, so if you're not planning any children between now and then it's certainly something to consider. It's not an option for me, but it might be a good one for you.









I'm most def. going to look into this. We wanted so many kids in the beginning, but I'm really anxious to begin my career. And include grad school starting next year (and not working a day job so that I can homeschool -or unschool- the girls.

OT but, Amara already knows so much! Her letters, numbers, colors, shapes, animals, songs, characters, phrases and manners and friends -oh my! She turns 2 on July 2nd. We're going to the zoo (another reason I'm anxious for B-more...)!

I told hubby, in regard to my push toward my career, "This may mean we never have another child." But he told me not "to think of it like that." So yes, 5 years at least...then probably a good 3-5 more if I want to move up in the business, establish myself, and all that jazz. Is it expensive? What horror stories? Oh please no weight gain! I was 105 when i got pregnant with Amara, and gained 50lbs! I was 120 when I got pregnant with Terra Bug, gained another 35lbs and 126 now...but could stand about minus 10-15. I can't stand it! Is there a weight loss forum?

Thanks for the info!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Paraguard is the one I had Wiksty.

So tell me...what's your story?









Love it? Hate it? Get pregnant while on it? lol


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
So tell me...what's your story?









Love it? Hate it? Get pregnant while on it? lol

Arike asked about the IUD a few pages up-thread. Here's what I posted. Like Rynna said, some folks LOVE it . . . . for others, it's been a complete disaster.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Arike asked about the IUD a few pages up-thread. Here's what I posted. Like Rynna said, some folks LOVE it . . . . for others, it's been a complete disaster.

I read it...and now i'm terrified.


----------



## eilonwy

Meanwhile a friend of mine noticed my Facebook status and wrote to me to say she can't believe I'm still charting, she's got a ParaGard and she LOVES the thing, can't reccomend it highly enough.







Different stories, different experiences from different people. There's much research to be done.


----------



## AndrewsMother

DH and I are afraid of hormones, and latex and I don't get along well so we use the tried and true withdrawl method. It has worked for us for 5 years. Andrew was not planned, but he was definetly not an "ooops".


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
DH and I are afraid of hormones, and latex and I don't get along well so we use the tried and true withdrawl method. It has worked for us for 5 years. Andrew was not planned, but he was definetly not an "ooops".

We tried that. And the one time we didn't...we got Amara.

We tried it with Terra too, and we never slipped, but got preg anyway.

?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
We tried that. And the one time we didn't...we got Amara.

We tried it with Terra too, and we never slipped, but got preg anyway.

?


Don't say that. If I have another baby I would be in an awful position.


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## eilonwy

I know this one! What do you call people who use the 'withdrawl' method? Parents!









The deal is simple-- sperm can start leaking out of your body before your man has his big blowout, so to speak. It's considered entirely unreliable as birth control for that reason-- you have no idea how much of the gooey gooey is seeping out before the main event.

On the other hand, if you're using withdrawl _in conjunction with_ charting and you're abstaining during fertile periods, you've got a good shot. You can always go back to condoms when you're fertile... but if you're like me (hyperfertile and paranoid) then you'll just want to stick with non-intercourse activities while you're fertile.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I know this one! What do you call people who use the 'withdrawl' method? Parents!









The deal is simple-- sperm can start leaking out of your body before your man has his big blowout, so to speak. It's considered entirely unreliable as birth control for that reason-- you have no idea how much of the gooey gooey is seeping out before the main event.

On the other hand, if you're using withdrawl _in conjunction with_ charting and you're abstaining during fertile periods, you've got a good shot. You can always go back to condoms when you're fertile... but if you're like me (hyperfertile and paranoid) then you'll just want to stick with non-intercourse activities while you're fertile.

NON INTERCOURSE????!!!

How do I chart if I haven't a cycle again yet?


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## eilonwy

Temperatures, cervical mucous and cervical position will still help you out-- with any luck, you'll know about ovulation before your first period.







I *believe* that you'll want to count "day one" as the day your child was born and then just fast forward, but I could be mistaken about that. In any case, if you haven't had any fertility signs it probably won't hurt for you to call today "day one" and to just move from there.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I know this one! What do you call people who use the 'withdrawl' method? Parents!









The deal is simple-- sperm can start leaking out of your body before your man has his big blowout, so to speak. It's considered entirely unreliable as birth control for that reason-- you have no idea how much of the gooey gooey is seeping out before the main event.

On the other hand, if you're using withdrawl _in conjunction with_ charting and you're abstaining during fertile periods, you've got a good shot. You can always go back to condoms when you're fertile... but if you're like me (hyperfertile and paranoid) then you'll just want to stick with non-intercourse activities while you're fertile.

Withdrawl has worked for me, so I don't doubt the effectiveness of the method. I think the key is to not wait until the very last minute, but I am not the expert. DH is!!!!


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I know this one! What do you call people who use the 'withdrawl' method? Parents!









The deal is simple-- sperm can start leaking out of your body before your man has his big blowout, so to speak. It's considered entirely unreliable as birth control for that reason-- you have no idea how much of the gooey gooey is seeping out before the main event.

On the other hand, if you're using withdrawl _in conjunction with_ charting and you're abstaining during fertile periods, you've got a good shot. You can always go back to condoms when you're fertile... but if you're like me (hyperfertile and paranoid) then you'll just want to stick with non-intercourse activities while you're fertile.

*whimpers* I hate when people point out that stuff leaks out before the "arrival" because while it freaks me out (hubby's not been condom friendly lately) cause i could get pregnant unexpectedly, it also frightens me that if he's been pulling out, HOW COME i AINT get pregnant yet? OmgIsSomethingWrongWithMe?WhatIfImInfertileAndDont KnowIt?

If I sound irrational, its cause i am, lol. Deep breaths.

*back to lurk mode*


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I know this one! What do you call people who use the 'withdrawl' method? Parents!









The deal is simple-- sperm can start leaking out of your body before your man has his big blowout, so to speak. It's considered entirely unreliable as birth control for that reason-- you have no idea how much of the gooey gooey is seeping out before the main event.

On the other hand, if you're using withdrawl _in conjunction with_ charting and you're abstaining during fertile periods, you've got a good shot. You can always go back to condoms when you're fertile... but if you're like me (hyperfertile and paranoid) then you'll just want to stick with non-intercourse activities while you're fertile.

I agree with you 100%, lets just say I would never ever trust withdrawal as the only means of BC. I don't chart but I am an age/stage in life where I have a pretty good idea of when I am fertile but even so, I can't rely on withdrawl...my eldest is a result of that method, so nah not for me.


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## rootzdawta

I'm pretty sure DS2 is the result of "let's start then I'll put on the condom".


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## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
NON INTERCOURSE????!!!

You know... "other" things.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
*whimpers* I hate when people point out that stuff leaks out before the "arrival" because while it freaks me out (hubby's not been condom friendly lately) cause i could get pregnant unexpectedly, it also frightens me that if he's been pulling out, HOW COME i AINT get pregnant yet? OmgIsSomethingWrongWithMe?WhatIfImInfertileAndDont KnowIt?

If I sound irrational, its cause i am, lol. Deep breaths.

*back to lurk mode*

It's important to remember that you are only fertile for about six days out of your cycle, and that you're most fertile for a grand total of three days. It could just be that you're missing those times.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I'm pretty sure DS2 is the result of "let's start then I'll put on the condom".

















Yeah that's always a good one.


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## rootzdawta

Hey Mamas . . . what's your policy on walking with your older children (ages 4 and up) in the street? DS1 now refuses to be in the stroller but also refuses to hold my hand. I'm fine with it if he follows my rules (stop on the dime, stay in front of me, hold my hand in busy areas) but I feel like I meet a lot of critical eyes in the street.

Do you think it's an unnecessary risk and he should be forced to hold my hand at all times? Or am i just being hypersensitive to people's looks/criticism? Right now, I just think it's an unreasonable expectation on a 4 year old boy to hold my hand as we walk all over town.


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Hey Mamas . . . what's your policy on walking with your older children (ages 4 and up) in the street? DS1 now refuses to be in the stroller but also refuses to hold my hand. I'm fine with it if he follows my rules (stop on the dime, stay in front of me, hold my hand in busy areas) but I feel like I meet a lot of critical eyes in the street.

Do you think it's an unnecessary risk and he should be forced to hold my hand at all times? Or am i just being hypersensitive to people's looks/criticism? Right now, I just think it's an unreasonable expectation on a 4 year old boy to hold my hand as we walk all over town.

Do we have the same child?

Brooklyn/NYC is nothing like Houston, but it is your home. If you feel comfortable allowing DS to walk without holding your hand, I don't have a problem with it and wonder why others would.

If you trust him as much as one can trust a 4 year to do the right thing, why not. He wants to explore at his own pace, not yours.

I know that you are probably not the harness type, but I do keep one in my bag. If DS begins to ignore me or act as if he is not listening I pull it out of my bag and convey his options. Listen to Mommie or I will put on your wrist. Understand. 6 times out of 10 he complies.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Hey Mamas . . . what's your policy on walking with your older children (ages 4 and up) in the street? DS1 now refuses to be in the stroller but also refuses to hold my hand. I'm fine with it if he follows my rules (stop on the dime, stay in front of me, hold my hand in busy areas) but I feel like I meet a lot of critical eyes in the street.

Do you think it's an unnecessary risk and he should be forced to hold my hand at all times? Or am i just being hypersensitive to people's looks/criticism? Right now, I just think it's an unreasonable expectation on a 4 year old boy to hold my hand as we walk all over town.

As long as he isn't running off, I see no problem with letting him walk. As you know I raised my eldest in Chicago as a single Mama and I couldn't always hold his hand because many times I was carrying bags and he was great with listening. Now my girl????







I still have to hold her hand 8 out of 10 times.

Shay


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
DH and I are afraid of hormones, and latex and I don't get along well so we use the tried and true withdrawl method. It has worked for us for 5 years. Andrew was not planned, but he was definetly not an "ooops".

We also did withdrawal for years before I got pregnant. William wasn't exactly an oops but he was not exactly planned either.
Now that I'm actually trying to get pregnant, it's just not happening.







:


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## Jannah6

*Pia* Rootzdawta is not in BKLYN. I forget, are you in Yonkers *RD*? Anyway, I don't think that I held any of my DC hands at that age,unless we were in crowded areas or crossing the street.


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## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Hey Mamas . . . what's your policy on walking with your older children (ages 4 and up) in the street? DS1 now refuses to be in the stroller but also refuses to hold my hand. I'm fine with it if he follows my rules (stop on the dime, stay in front of me, hold my hand in busy areas) but I feel like I meet a lot of critical eyes in the street.

Do you think it's an unnecessary risk and he should be forced to hold my hand at all times? Or am i just being hypersensitive to people's looks/criticism? Right now, I just think it's an unreasonable expectation on a 4 year old boy to hold my hand as we walk all over town.

I just read your blog post on this and it just reinforced what I was going to say. You know your child best and you're not a disinterested, inattentive parent. You've allowed your son his freedom while enforcing some boundaries regarding his safety. People are always going to judge when they see or hear something that runs counter to their own worldview. I'm not sure what can be done about that other than recognize that the only person in the world that you can truly control is yourself.


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## JustKiya

It's interesting for me to watch/listen to black comics, now a days.

DH was watching the AllStars Comedy session with Cedric & others - and the 'humor' they had around discipline growing up - listening to it as someone who has stepped out of the spanking paradigm, and really LISTENING to what they were saying and the experiences of childhood they shared - it actually made me sad.









This was the only place that I could share those feelings/reactions and know that I would be 'heard', and maybe even understood.

Do y'all/can y'all still get the humor in black stand-up comics performances, or do too many of their 'jokes' make you cringe for you to be able to enjoy it?








I suspect I have a tendency to be hypersensitive sometimes, and I want to see if others have had the same reaction.......


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
We also did withdrawal for years before I got pregnant. William wasn't exactly an oops but he was not exactly planned either.
Now that I'm actually trying to get pregnant, it's just not happening.







:


STOP TRYING!!!! Just have random oopses!


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*Pia* Rootzdawta is not in BKLYN. I forget, are you in Yonkers *RD*? Anyway, I don't think that I held any of my DC hands at that age,unless we were in crowded areas or crossing the street.

Apologize!!!!!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustKiya* 
It's interesting for me to watch/listen to black comics, now a days.

DH was watching the AllStars Comedy session with Cedric & others - and the 'humor' they had around discipline growing up - listening to it as someone who has stepped out of the spanking paradigm, and really LISTENING to what they were saying and the experiences of childhood they shared - it actually made me sad.









This was the only place that I could share those feelings/reactions and know that I would be 'heard', and maybe even understood.

Do y'all/can y'all still get the humor in black stand-up comics performances, or do too many of their 'jokes' make you cringe for you to be able to enjoy it?








I suspect I have a tendency to be hypersensitive sometimes, and I want to see if others have had the same reaction.......

Most of the jokes I do not get, and when I do get them my blood pressure rises. I don't ever plan on watching or listening to black comics because I disagree with 95-99% of what they say or joke about.

I also can't stand the pervasive attitude that it is okay to make jokes about other races, because if the tables were turned the NAACP, Al Sharpton and the ACLU would be forced to intervene.

DH and I actually had a heated argument over Bernie Mac and his childrearing commentary. I did not then and still don't allow his show to play in my home. Just thinking about some man, even on television, talking about bashing a childs head until the white meat shows makes me sick.







:


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## rootzdawta

I have a really hard time enjoying the comedy. I find so much of it tasteless including all the Madea stuff and now Martin Lawrence and Jamie Foxx and coming out with a movie . . . just not funny at all. It just seems they go for the easy laugh a lot of the time and I guess I need comedy to make me think. That's why I actually did really like Dave Chapelle and miss his show.

LoL . . . realized the trailer for the Foxx and Lawrence movie was a spoof . . . that's what I get for not having cable.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I just read your blog post on this and it just reinforced what I was going to say. You know your child best and you're not a disinterested, inattentive parent. You've allowed your son his freedom while enforcing some boundaries regarding his safety. People are always going to judge when they see or hear something that runs counter to their own worldview. I'm not sure what can be done about that other than recognize that the only person in the world that you can truly control is yourself.

This is like my whole life philosophy!! I can only control myself. And since my view of my children is that they are their own individuals, I feel it's necessary to let them have as much freedom as they can handle within reason. But I get the vibe sometimes especially in my neighborhood that's predominantly Black that if you don't have this incredibly tight stranglehold rein on your child, you're permissive and/or letting your kids "act like white kids". This tight rein can be achieved through knocking your kids upside the head or cursing at them and calling them "little ni**a" . . .


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## eilonwy

I don't watch television, so my experience of black comedy is older... I'm with RD, I miss Chappelle something awful. I also really liked Chris Rock, he was hilarious to me.







Bernie Mac I could take or leave back then, the show was cute but not interesting enough for me to seek out if anything else was on. Oh, and I adored The Boondocks, and still do. Eeep, baby emergency.


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## JustKiya

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I have a really hard time enjoying the comedy. I find so much of it tasteless including all the Madea stuff and now Martin Lawrence and Jamie Foxx and coming out with a movie . . . just not funny at all. It just seems they go for the easy laugh a lot of the time and I guess I need comedy to make me think. That's why I actually did really like Dave Chapelle and miss his show.

*LoL . . . realized the trailer for the Foxx and Lawrence movie was a spoof . . . that's what I get for not having cable.*


*sigh* Actually, apparently, it's *not*. One of them was on some talk show after the awards, and said that they were planning on turning it into a full length movie.









I DO love Dave Chapplle (how I miss him!), and Aaron McGruder & his Boondocks. I really want the DVD set, on the real. And yes, both of their comedic styles are hilarious - but also thoughtful, and encourages thought.

Bernie Mac's 'white meat' comment turns my stomach and turned me off from him, altogether.







:

I haven't seen any of Chris's stuff recently - I'd have to check him out again, and see what my reaction is.

It's interesting, as while DH didn't say anything while the 'my momma whooped me without warning for no good reason'





















(














) jokes were going on, I could see him gauging my response to them. And he knows, normally, I avoid those shows like the plague.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustKiya* 
It's interesting for me to watch/listen to black comics, now a days.

DH was watching the AllStars Comedy session with Cedric & others - and the 'humor' they had around discipline growing up - listening to it as someone who has stepped out of the spanking paradigm, and really LISTENING to what they were saying and the experiences of childhood they shared - it actually made me sad.









This was the only place that I could share those feelings/reactions and know that I would be 'heard', and maybe even understood.

Do y'all/can y'all still get the humor in black stand-up comics performances, or do too many of their 'jokes' make you cringe for you to be able to enjoy it?








I suspect I have a tendency to be hypersensitive sometimes, and I want to see if others have had the same reaction.......

I still enjoy some Black comics, while I made a concious choice not to spank my kids fact is I grew up being raised that way and from that perspective I can relate. On the other hand I have spent years working with people in grim life situations so I have a pretty off sense of humor.

It also makes me happy that I have moved away from the way I was raised, but its okay of you don't vibe on Black comics


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
This is like my whole life philosophy!! I can only control myself. And since my view of my children is that they are their own individuals, I feel it's necessary to let them have as much freedom as they can handle within reason. But I get the vibe sometimes especially in my neighborhood that's predominantly Black that if you don't have this incredibly tight stranglehold rein on your child, you're permissive and/or letting your kids "act like white kids". This tight rein can be achieved through knocking your kids upside the head or cursing at them and calling them "little ni**a" . . .

I think you can still be strict without resorting to that type of behavior, according my son (who was spanked a few times by me many years ago, he is 17 now) I was strict when he was little and while we can both count on one hand the number of times he was spanked (4







) he knew I didn't play. As I have said I am all about letting my kids have their freedoms but at the end of the day, I am the boss.

I am amazed at the number of folks when the girl child & I are shopping who comment on how respectful I am of her...yet even with this one who has been raised AP/GD from beginnings even she knows I have limits.

Kids are individuals but as a parent I see my role as guide/facilitator too.


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## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 

Kids are individuals but as a parent I see my role as guide/facilitator too.

I agree . . . I'm working on trying to find a good balance.


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## AndrewsMother

I must be the only person in the world who did not like Dave Chapelle.









I have purchased several Boondocks books for DH who loves the strip and Aaron McGruder, but I just can't get with him. Perhaps it is because of his overuse of the N word. I don't know.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Kids are individuals but as a parent I see my role as guide/facilitator too.

I agree with this. I'm about to have my first and I'm very inclined to practice GD with him/her. For me, GD means respecting your child as a human being but also recognizing that appropriate boundaries are necessary because I need to keep him/her safe and teach him/her about respecting other people.

I also think that your child's personality will inform how strict those boundaries need to be. E.g. I was that kid who could be counted on to follow rules, not because I was afraid of punishment but because I didn't like to be seen as a disappointment to people I care about. That's just my personality. One of my sisters on the other hand, she just doesn't really care about other people's rules. If you told her to be home at 6 pm, she might not show up until 7pm if she found something better that she liked to do.

With regard to black comedians - I can't get down with some types of comedy. Comedians that rely too much on racial stereotypes without any sense of irony or profundity behind the jokes aren't my cup of tea. Jokes about beating up on kids are also out for me. That said, I'm more likely to write off a comedian for just being plain unfunny and/or annoying than for any specific type of joke in their repertoire. E.g. Mike Epps - can't think of a single joke of his but he just bugs the crap out of me. I like my comedians to be intelligent.


----------



## kimiij

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I must be the only person in the world who did not like Dave Chapelle.









I have purchased several Boondocks books for DH who loves the strip and Aaron McGruder, but I just can't get with him. Perhaps it is because of his overuse of the N word. I don't know.









Nope. I was not a fan of Dave Chapelle either.

I did like Martin Lawrence in his tv show - Martin - that was one of the funniest shows ever. I also like Chris Rock. I liked Bernie Mack in his tv show and in the Kings of Comedy.


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## Sorin

I do like some black comedians, but only if they are funny! I'm not offended by the whole "I beat my kids/was beaten as a kid" line of jokes, but I just find them to be unfunny because comedians have been telling those jokes forever and now they are so unoriginal! I like fresh, original comedy that comments upon society in a funny, satiric way. I do like the Boondocks and have often shown the cartoon in my classes as an example of satire (which we then break down and analyze). DH liked Jaime Foxx when he was on his sitcom, but he does not like him so much now. We both like the Chappelle Show and had a fabulous time at a Chris Rock concert a few months ago. I also think Katt Williams is hilarious!

I don't think Bernie Mac is funny, but I'm not offended by anything he says. The same goes for D.L. Hughley and Cedric the Entertainer. I don't get offended or my feelings hurt very easily, so if I don't like a comedian it is because I think he/she is unfunny and relies on the same old tired tropes to make people laugh. I like comedians who say things that haven't been said a million times over already.


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## kimiij

**


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## Bloomingstar

Boy I've missed a lot! hmmm, let's see...

Withdrawl (as good a place to jump in as any haha) worked for us for about 3 years, and then when we decided to have the baby I was pregnant in my second cycle of charting. It's condoms for now, though my cycle hasn't started again, and I'd like to figure out charting again soon. Condoms are not either of our favorite, but one look at DS reminds us that it is important









I HATED the Bernie Mac section of Kings of Comedy for so many reasons. D.L. Hugley is not funny and doesn't give his jokes any time to settle--he's laughing before you are. I was not a big fan of Dave Chapelle though I will watch the episodes with Charlie Murphy stories over and over. The very first episode of his show with the black white supremacist was what really put me off. I am a fan of Chris Rock, but I think he's a big sexist like the rest of them.

People always roll their eyes at me when I say i will never spank my child, but I just won't. I was spanked a few times as a child and it made me extremely resentful and hateful, and did not teach me any lessons except to add more reasons to why I could not stand my abusive stepmother







so as far as I am concerned, it just doesn't work, apart from being out of my nature, and suffering is what I seek to lessen, not cause, etc etc etc.

kimiij, does your sister have a spiritual life? Or something to center her that was not her relationship? It's kind of like if her life were a wheel, it's fallen off the axle (the thingey with the spokes is out of line with the rubber part?) ok I hope that makes sense cause I don't know exactly the wording but I've got the image







Or she just needs to reboot herself (is that one better?) It's important, I think, to be clear about your goals and seek to attain them, whatever they are--a great relationship, marriage, pregnancy, a new car, etc.--but coming at them from a place of feeling "wronged" by not having them, or a place of resentment, jealousy, or whatever overwhelmingly negative feelings lurk after getting out of a thing like that, may not bring her what she actually wants. Maybe she needs help getting clear about why she wants what she wants--even if she comes out with the same answers, the process to finding them again may be worthwhile. And she may also just need support from the other people in her life to get positive about who she is, right now, without the other things she is seeking, so that she feels worthy of the good things that do come into her life and has confidence and good judgement about how to accept them.


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## AndrewsMother

.


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## kimiij

**


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## futurmama8

I love black comedians but I can do without D.L. Hughley. I absolutely loved chapelle because I could see his message even though many people(including himself) couldn't. I love Bernie Mac especially his show because he was silly and I was really sad when he passed







. Honestly some of these people are telling jokes about what they know, I mean it's not like they can tell jokes about GD, how funny would that be? It is a job and they are doing what they have to do to make money and I can't even be mad.

AM I get what you mean about the race thing but honestly I think that if the tables were turned and white comedians talked about black people I really wouldn't be mad nor offended. I think white people have to walk this thin line and I don't think they should. Plus Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson don't speak for me really.

I honeslty can not wait for the Jamie Foxx/Martin movie because I love them both especially Martin and I think it will be hilarious. Who didn't love Shananae and Wanda come on







. I honestly take many things in my life serious and this isn't one I really want to. I can't take comedy seriously I just take it as comedy.


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 
My sister is not spiritual/religious and I do think that she could be served by becoming moreso. I love what you say about needing to have something that centers you....something that is more than another person/thing. I think it's a great thought that I am going to share with her.

I am not religious at all (agnotic atheist actually) and I found when I broke with my DP after six years that I had to take a step back and find strength within myself to know that there was nothing wrong with me and I WOULD one day find love. We did eventually get back together but my confidence was very high during that break up and may have helped me assert some of the things I need in the relationship.

Has your sister looked into Buddhism because I find that I need some sort of spirituality in my life and it doesn't encompass a dogma or a God. The meditation can really help her become more focused on the present and relax a little while becoming more centered. Just a thought







.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
Has your sister looked into Buddhism because I find that I need some sort of spirituality in my life and it doesn't encompass a dogma or a God. The meditation can really help her become more focused on the present and relax a little while becoming more centered. Just a thought







.

I was just going to suggest that!

For a long time, I've been having issues about how I view God/is there a God at all and I recently found Nichiren Buddhism. While I can't say 100% that I'm a Buddhist, the single most important thing it has done for me is to help me focus and become centered--taking the focus away from "Oh, why me?" To "Why not me?" and from wallowing in the issues to "welcoming" the issues as things that I have to overcome to be victorious and not defeated in this life.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I love black comedians but I can do without D.L. Hughley. I absolutely loved chapelle because I could see his message even though many people(including himself) couldn't. I love Bernie Mac especially his show because he was silly and I was really sad when he passed







. Honestly some of these people are telling jokes about what they know, I mean it's not like they can tell jokes about GD, how funny would that be? It is a job and they are doing what they have to do to make money and I can't even be mad.

AM I get what you mean about the race thing but honestly I think that if the tables were turned and white comedians talked about black people I really wouldn't be mad nor offended. I think white people have to walk this thin line and I don't think they should. Plus Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson don't speak for me really.

I honeslty can not wait for the Jamie Foxx/Martin movie because I love them both especially Martin and I think it will be hilarious. Who didn't love Shananae and Wanda come on







. I honestly take many things in my life serious and this isn't one I really want to. I can't take comedy seriously I just take it as comedy.









: You really summed up my feelings well on Black comics, I do think for many of these folks, they use what they know as the basis for their routines.

You sound like me, when it comes to comedy, I don't get too serious. On the flipside I suspect guys like Jeff Foxworthy (the guy who speaks to being a *******) and his crew of blue collar comedians might make some white folks upset.Yet he clearly does not speak for the white experience, but that does not mean he isn't funny...I am actually a limited fan of his work, its generally good for the first ten minutes.

Shay


----------



## eilonwy

Truthfully, I think that Jeff Foxworthy is hilarious... but I don't feel that I can laugh at his jokes in public or make them myself because I'm not white. It's the same way I suspect that many white people enjoy Dave Chappelle but feel like they're not allowed to laugh because they're not black so they can't possibly "get it." Of course, a friend of mine who was raised with low-class white people (despite having plenty of money) pointed out that life in "the ghetto" and life in "the trailer park" are remarkably similar, when you get down to it. Jokes about Tang being watered down, Kool-Aid being considered a food group, and guns being part of everyday life from a very early age seem to show up a lot in both groups of comedians, for example. The class difference is huge, but within classes there's a definate familiarity whether you're talking about whites, blacks, latinos, etc. In general, I prefer "classier" comedy than Jeff Foxworthy, but I can certainly appreciate the humor in his work. Larry the Cable Guy? Eh, not so much.


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I was just going to suggest that!

For a long time, I've been having issues about how I view God/is there a God at all and I recently found Nichiren Buddhism. While I can't say 100% that I'm a Buddhist, the single most important thing it has done for me is to help me focus and become centered--taking the focus away from "Oh, why me?" To "Why not me?" and from wallowing in the issues to "welcoming" the issues as things that I have to overcome to be victorious and not defeated in this life.

rootz! I was meaning to ask you (in your other thread) what kind of chanting you were talking about. I've been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for almost 3 years now and it has definitely made a big difference in my life. I actually chanted for a long while during my (endless) labor, with my sister in law, because I was just so tired and feeling like I couldn't get through it since it was taking so long. Things picked up for me after that, and I felt renewed confidence.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
rootz! I was meaning to ask you (in your other thread) what kind of chanting you were talking about. I've been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for almost 3 years now and it has definitely made a big difference in my life. I actually chanted for a long while during my (endless) labor, with my sister in law, because I was just so tired and feeling like I couldn't get through it since it was taking so long. Things picked up for me after that, and I felt renewed confidence.









You might have been the one on face book to post the clip of Tina Turner chanting. It was most amazing and beautiful sound


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Could you explain to me unschooling? or lead me to a website? my husband and i sre seriously considering homeschooling our children, but we've come across this type of method a few times. I've only heard one person describe me their version and i wasn't sure if it was like, unschooling law or if everyone individualizes it? How would you describe your "method" and are the schooling officials or govt. hounding you?'

and (sorry so many ?s just hoping to find out what i'm going to be up against and need to get prepared for fighting...crushing *winks*) does anyone know how people will treat me (being as I am, how we live, AP, homebirthing, cloth diapering, recycling, organic food eaters, herbal and homepathic remedy seekers, educated mixed family)...does anyone know how the attitude is going to be about those things out east?

Hi Wiksty,

Sorry it took so long for my reply but I have family visiting me from the west coast and I haven't had the time to get online.
Unschooling for our family means child-led learning. No set schedules, no seat work, no mandatory academic activities. And because of this method of learning, my child can spend as much time as he needs to on a single subject as he works towards mastery of that particular subject.
And because each state has it's own Homeschooling laws, it varies a great deal on what you have to do to be in compliance with the law.
We live in CT, which is a "free" state meaning that there is no required testing, no teacher evaluations, no home visits, etc. CT is a great state to unschool!
But having said that, I personally know families who are unschooling in every state in the US.
And some of them have to be very inventive to meet their state's mandates/laws. So I say that unschooling can happen anywhere! Please feel free to send me a pm if you have any more questions.
Happy Fourth of July Everyone!
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
rootz! I was meaning to ask you (in your other thread) what kind of chanting you were talking about. I've been practicing Nichiren Buddhism for almost 3 years now and it has definitely made a big difference in my life. I actually chanted for a long while during my (endless) labor, with my sister in law, because I was just so tired and feeling like I couldn't get through it since it was taking so long. Things picked up for me after that, and I felt renewed confidence.










Yes!! I've been chanting seriously now since the beginning of this year. Before that it was very sporadic. I received my gohonzon in March and my practice just took off. Renewed confidence . . . yeah, that's a really good way to describe what chanting does.









Do you attend any meetings?


----------



## chanibell

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Hey Mamas . . . what's your policy on walking with your older children (ages 4 and up) in the street? DS1 now refuses to be in the stroller but also refuses to hold my hand. I'm fine with it if he follows my rules (stop on the dime, stay in front of me, hold my hand in busy areas) but I feel like I meet a lot of critical eyes in the street.

Do you think it's an unnecessary risk and he should be forced to hold my hand at all times? Or am i just being hypersensitive to people's looks/criticism? Right now, I just think it's an unreasonable expectation on a 4 year old boy to hold my hand as we walk all over town.

LOL I feel as though we also have the same child. My ds is also 4 and there have been times where we let him run ahead of us at the mall. Sometimes there have been instances where he doesn't look where he going







and maybe 2 times an adult will just not see him and they nearly collide with him.

This is in a mall though,but on the street and crossing the street he always holds my hand. When we are in a place where I don't feel comfortable letting him walk around ( like a glass shop or a museum) I insist he hold my hand. If he refuses ( which he always does) I tell him we will not move until he does.
He agrees. He's not always a good listener and we are working on this. I think it depends on the situation on where you are.


----------



## AndrewsMother

read me
either here or there. Thank you


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
read me
either here or there. Thank you

Honestly I would probably put this off until my child were older if it were me. I am answering this as someone who has spent a lot of time away from my child to pursue education and in the end its not worth it. My son at 17 harbors no ill feelings towards me and is proud of what I have accomplished in my life but at the end of the day, I live with guilt.

So for me its a no, but that is based off what I have experienced. I would also be concerned about the impact on my marriage. That said, in the end you have to do what feels right for you and your family. If this is what you feel you need to do, go for it...life is too short for regrets.

Shay


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Honestly I would probably put this off until my child were older if it were me. I am answering this as someone who has spent a lot of time away from my child to pursue education and in the end its not worth it. My son at 17 harbors no ill feelings towards me and is proud of what I have accomplished in my life but at the end of the day, I live with guilt.

So for me its a no, but that is based off what I have experienced. I would also be concerned about the impact on my marriage. That said, in the end you have to do what feels right for you and your family. If this is what you feel you need to do, go for it...life is too short for regrets.

Shay

How long were you away from your son?


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Yes!! I've been chanting seriously now since the beginning of this year. Before that it was very sporadic. I received my gohonzon in March and my practice just took off. Renewed confidence . . . yeah, that's a really good way to describe what chanting does.









Do you attend any meetings?









: congratulations!

I haven't been as regular about attending meetings since the baby was born but I've made it to a couple events this year at the culture center in manhattan. And I keep in touch with the people from my district so I at least know when things are. A lot of the meetings are friday nights but my goal is to at least get to the first sunday meeting at the culture center next month. I like those meetings a lot









And yes, I was the one who posted the Tina Turner link on facebook


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
read me
either here or there. Thank you

Honestly, AM, I would wait a bit till your son is older. I think at this stage, even though he has great caretakers, the length of your absence would be too much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you get into one of the closer programs.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 







: congratulations!

I haven't been as regular about attending meetings since the baby was born but I've made it to a couple events this year at the culture center in manhattan. And I keep in touch with the people from my district so I at least know when things are. A lot of the meetings are friday nights but my goal is to at least get to the first sunday meeting at the culture center next month. I like those meetings a lot









And yes, I was the one who posted the Tina Turner link on facebook









Yeah, I can't attend many meetings either because they are in the evenings like at 7/7:30 and by that time, I'm getting the boys ready for bed. But there's a mother's meeting I go to and the district meeting in the mornings. If dh is not working OT, I can usually go.

Ugh . . . there's a homeschooling group going on a hike today. It is a 1 hr. drive to get to the site. And Aunt Flo is here. But DS1 is too psyched about seeing some deer again.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Honestly, AM, I would wait a bit till your son is older. I think at this stage, even though he has great caretakers, the length of your absence would be too much. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you get into one of the closer programs.


Please do keep your fingers crossed. The program in my city or the program 2 hours away! Thank you.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustKiya* 
It's interesting for me to watch/listen to black comics, now a days.

DH was watching the AllStars Comedy session with Cedric & others - and the 'humor' they had around discipline growing up - listening to it as someone who has stepped out of the spanking paradigm, and really LISTENING to what they were saying and the experiences of childhood they shared - it actually made me sad.









This was the only place that I could share those feelings/reactions and know that I would be 'heard', and maybe even understood.

Do y'all/can y'all still get the humor in black stand-up comics performances, or do too many of their 'jokes' make you cringe for you to be able to enjoy it?








I suspect I have a tendency to be hypersensitive sometimes, and I want to see if others have had the same reaction.......

I know I'm late to reply, but yes...i cringe more than I laugh.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
STOP TRYING!!!! Just have random oopses!

Everytime we stopped "trying" we got pregnant, lol.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
This is like my whole life philosophy!! I can only control myself. And since my view of my children is that they are their own individuals, I feel it's necessary to let them have as much freedom as they can handle within reason. But I get the vibe sometimes especially in my neighborhood that's predominantly Black that if you don't have this incredibly tight stranglehold rein on your child, you're permissive and/or letting your kids "act like white kids". This tight rein can be achieved through knocking your kids upside the head or cursing at them and calling them "little ni**a" . . .

Aaugh! I grew up in that house! My mother was sooo afraid to let her amazingly well behaved children experience life (since we weren't white...and d*mn sure better not act that way)!

It was abuse. It's perpetual slave mentality and it's only holding people back; feeling powerful because others are under your control. Disgusting.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I agree . . . I'm working on trying to find a good balance.

This is me too.

But how do you deal with others (non AP/GD, your family - especially parents, etc) who think you're just "letting your child get away with murder"?

I've tried explaining to my mother why my hubby and I are raising the girls as we are, but she just seems offended and wary of not spanking or yelling and such. I don't know if she's just being defensive or what.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I must be the only person in the world who did not like Dave Chapelle.









I have purchased several Boondocks books for DH who loves the strip and Aaron McGruder, but I just can't get with him. Perhaps it is because of his overuse of the N word. I don't know.









I really liked his old stuff. I started reading Boondocks when it was first published in the _Daily Illini_ (University of Illinois student run newspaper) where my mom has worked for like 12 years now. She'd bring it to me everyday just for the comic, it was great...but it has changed, and those who remain a little less than intellectual still may take the message the wrong way.

I know we're talking black comedians, but OT - does anyone here like...or did you like George Carlin? I really like his stand up.


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Wiksty,

Sorry it took so long for my reply but I have family visiting me from the west coast and I haven't had the time to get online.
Unschooling for our family means child-led learning. No set schedules, no seat work, no mandatory academic activities. And because of this method of learning, my child can spend as much time as he needs to on a single subject as he works towards mastery of that particular subject.
And because each state has it's own Homeschooling laws, it varies a great deal on what you have to do to be in compliance with the law.
We live in CT, which is a "free" state meaning that there is no required testing, no teacher evaluations, no home visits, etc. CT is a great state to unschool!
But having said that, I personally know families who are unschooling in every state in the US.
And some of them have to be very inventive to meet their state's mandates/laws. So I say that unschooling can happen anywhere! Please feel free to send me a pm if you have any more questions.
Happy Fourth of July Everyone!
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Thank you for this







I'm very interested in doing something like this with my daughter. She knows SO much already and I really think I've got a knack (hubby as well) for teaching her new things and that she'd benefit more fully from the continuing of our loose learning structure. I will PM you with any questions, but I'll start researching MD law as well. I want to be prepared and informed before we move there.

Thanks again!


----------



## Arike

Hey everyone! I have been lurking around on the thread but just too busy/pre-occupied to respond to everything. There have been some really good discussions going on!

Quick question for you ladies who travel with your LO: Does anyone have any tips about traveling internationally with a baby? DS will be almost 9 months when we travel to Costa Rica for a week. DS, my mother and I are visiting my brother there. We rented a house near the beach so we will have all the normal amenities luckily. The plane ride is in two parts: New York to Florida and then Florida to Costa Rica. Pretty short layovers, thank goodness! I am just worried because DS is getting stronger by the day and he can be quite the handful, even just commuting back and forth from work on the subway! I am also wondering what foods would travel well for him. He eats at least 2 meals a day now and organic green puffs as a snack in the morning while he watches his french language DVD. We also give him food that we are eating at dinnertime on occasion. I don't like the jarred baby foods, organic or otherwise but I do want something on hand just in case, you know? Any advise or tips would be really appreciated!

Thanks in advance


----------



## purplegirl

Hey Wiksty, I am going to Baltimore on Saturday. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures and post them here for ya! I love that city







:


----------



## rootzdawta

Question:

So I live in a town that is predominantly Black. The town is divided north and south by the train tracks. South Side is 99.8% Black (African-American and Caribbean) with a mix of socioeconomic levels but mainly working class to at or below poverty level. The library happens to be on the south side and as a result, it suffers. It's underfunded and things just generally could be better. Those residents who live on north side generally go to the library one town over, I am guessing, because it would be equidistant.

Anyway, I have been avoiding the library in my town but I'm making an effort to get involved. Generally speaking, after school lets out, the place is loud and rowdy with school kids. The YMCA across the street and other daycares will bring the whole troop to the library sometimes. But I've just been trying to go at times that I know will be less busy. On Tuesday, I took my children to the the children's room and realized that it will be pretty much rowdy and loud for the whole summer no matter what time I go. But whatever, we weren't there to study or anything--just to pick up books.

To the main part of this question: they had a tv rolled out into the middle of the floor and it was on playing DVDs of some superhero tv show. The TV itself, IMO, was hugely inappropriate but the show topped the cake. I took it upon myself to change the DVD and got a few "who does she think she is" stares and some "hey I was watching that" although no one really was--it was just background noise. I put in Go Diego Go. But what I really wanted to turn the TV off and roll it back wherever it came from. Whose idea was it to have a TV in the library? Isn't the point to encourage literacy? I want to write a letter or something but I don't know how to go about it. I don't want a TV anywhere in the children's room unless it's part of an actual educational thing they're doing. There are computers and plenty of books . . . I just thought it was so telling and also so ridiculous the kind of expectations there are for low income Black children. I'm not saying they need to run programs 24/7 but if the kids are so bored they need a TV in the library, something's got to give, I think. But what can I do? I really want to do something and not just complain about it.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Question:

So I live in a town that is predominantly Black. The town is divided north and south by the train tracks. South Side is 99.8% Black (African-American and Caribbean) with a mix of socioeconomic levels but mainly working class to at or below poverty level. The library happens to be on the south side and as a result, it suffers. It's underfunded and things just generally could be better. Those residents who live on north side generally go to the library one town over, I am guessing, because it would be equidistant.

Anyway, I have been avoiding the library in my town but I'm making an effort to get involved. Generally speaking, after school lets out, the place is loud and rowdy with school kids. The YMCA across the street and other daycares will bring the whole troop to the library sometimes. But I've just been trying to go at times that I know will be less busy. On Tuesday, I took my children to the the children's room and realized that it will be pretty much rowdy and loud for the whole summer no matter what time I go. But whatever, we weren't there to study or anything--just to pick up books.

To the main part of this question: they had a tv rolled out into the middle of the floor and it was on playing DVDs of some superhero tv show. The TV itself, IMO, was hugely inappropriate but the show topped the cake. I took it upon myself to change the DVD and got a few "who does she think she is" stares and some "hey I was watching that" although no one really was--it was just background noise. I put in Go Diego Go. But what I really wanted to turn the TV off and roll it back wherever it came from. Whose idea was it to have a TV in the library? Isn't the point to encourage literacy? I want to write a letter or something but I don't know how to go about it. I don't want a TV anywhere in the children's room unless it's part of an actual educational thing they're doing. There are computers and plenty of books . . . I just thought it was so telling and also so ridiculous the kind of expectations there are for low income Black children. I'm not saying they need to run programs 24/7 but if the kids are so bored they need a TV in the library, something's got to give, I think. But what can I do? I really want to do something and not just complain about it.


You have an amazing array of skills. Why not volunteer to teach a class or two a week.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
You have an amazing array of skills. Why not volunteer to teach a class or two a week.


*ITA*. Or maybe storytime and arts and crafts for the younger ones.


----------



## shayinme

I agree with the others that maybe you can offer to assist in running a storytime of some sort. In my town we have a few different storytimes plus for the summer they are doing the summer reading program. For participating the kids get a small prize.

A tv in the kids area does seem inappropriate and totally counter to what a library should be about IMO. Even in Chicago, I never saw anything like that at the predomninantly BLack libraries.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Brainstorm with me.


----------



## ErikaDP

Hi Rootzdawta,
I agree with you that a TV in a children's room in a library is inappropriate.
And I have to also agree with the others here who said why not offer some kind of simple program.
For example, I used to provide storytimes at my local library for preschoolers. They were well attended and the librarian and I would coordinate the storytimes with a simple craft. And in the summer months(and other school vacation times), I would have older kids help me so the crafts were a little more invovled when I had the extra hands available. Everyone enjoyed themselves and looked forward to particpating.
And you know what? I haven't done storytimes in almost 12 years and when I visit my old neighborhood, I still run into kids who either were helpers or attendees that remember how much fun they were!
Good luck in finding a solution at your library.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Brainstorm with me.

Are you trying to find a potential major that might be similar to Radiation Therapy? Would you be interested in a major that requires some sort of practical training or are you more interested in theory?


----------



## ErikaDP

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention in my other post,
For the older kids at my local library, we use to host a board game club.
We would play Scrabble, Monopoly, Boggle and any other board games that the library had on hand and/or ones that the kids brought from home that they didn't mind sharing. And my family donated many games to the cause(we would pick them up at thrift stores, garage sales, etc).
So that might be another option of a program to offer to the staff at the library as an alternative to the TV.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Brainstorm with me.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Are you trying to find a potential major that might be similar to Radiation Therapy? Would you be interested in a major that requires some sort of practical training or are you more interested in theory?

You asked the same questions that I was thinking of Bajamergrrl!

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Are you trying to find a potential major that might be similar to Radiation Therapy? Would you be interested in a major that requires some sort of practical training or are you more interested in theory?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
You asked the same questions that I was thinking of Bajamergrrl!

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

No, I am familiar with the careers similar to RT and they mostly all have the same general requirments.

Even though I know U of H's course catalog, I want other majors to consider. Anything that might pique my interest more than Nutrition.

Nutrition was not my first choice, it just covers most of the classes that I need.

I would like to work for two year before the MD program, so I would like to enjoy what I do. I also want an academic backgroud that will benefit me later in life.

Obtaining and MD will not be the end of my career. I have not mentioned this before but U of H has a joint MD/JD program that is calling me name.

I have an idea......it is only an idea......but an MD/JD would truly make it flourish.

I love school.

Before I discovered that RT was a 4 year degree I was depressed with my academic choices. I thought that perhaps God had a path for me other than medicine, because nothing was working out and I felt as if he was trying to tell me something. Praying did not seem to help at all. Just finishing my B.S. began to feel like a chore.

One day I looked at a site that led me to Google another site and something in me clicked. I felt at peace, and my mind began to work and things that were cloudy became apparent and RT which is always want I wanted to do felt so right. I no longer doubted my ultimate career goal.

It is possible that the school here will accept me. I should have more faith. I also like to plan ahead, hence the thought of traveling to another city. No I don't want to, but not once since I began this journey in 2007 has my choice seemed so real and so easy. Not easy, but possible.

Sorry if I rambled


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
You have an amazing array of skills. Why not volunteer to teach a class or two a week.


Love, love, love this suggestion!

ETA: There is a sista on here, Bad mama jama, who is also a mod. She is an awesome librarian whom I am sure will have some suggestions as well.


----------



## bajamergrrl

AndrewsMother,

Might you be interested in

Healthcare Administration
Public Policy
Public Health (various paths there)
Psychology
Any of the social sciences?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
AndrewsMother,

Might you be interested in

Healthcare Administration maybe
Public Policy What type of job could I hold with a public policy degree?
Public Health (various paths there) I want a PhD in Public Health, so that is an option. or Epidemiology. My only concern is the ability to find decent paying entry level position for two years.

Any of the social sciences?


Social Sciences don't always pay well. I really don't want to be in position that will pay me less than what I made before I quit school








Thank you for the suggestions. I now have research to do complete.


----------



## eilonwy

I've discussed undergraduate courses with a few doctors, and most of them advise majoring in something that has little or nothing to do with medicine because you'll have to take all those courses again anyway. One majored in philosophy, another English Literature and I know of at least two Juliard graduates (Classical Violin and something bizarre and esoteric that I can't remember just now).


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 







Thank you for the suggestions. I now have research to do complete.

I suggested Public Policy because you mentioned an interest in a joint MD/JD degree.

I almost suggested Epidemiology to you but because it's so math-centered I didn't know if you'd be up for that. I also don't know if it's available as an undergraduate option for you. It's definitely a field that can pay well. I have an MPH and I see many jobs that are looking for someone with epidemiology skills. If you plan to go into research at some point then epidemiology definitely comes in handy. You're in GA, right? Atlanta has tons of public health opportunities.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I've discussed undergraduate courses with a few doctors, and most of them advise majoring in something that has little or nothing to do with medicine because you'll have to take all those courses again anyway. One majored in philosophy, another English Literature and I know of at least two Juliard graduates (Classical Violin and something bizarre and esoteric that I can't remember just now).









:
Every doctor has told me the same thing. Major in a field that I enjoy, and complete the prereq's!

I am going to Secret my way into MD Anderson accepting me into their RT program, because that is what I want to do, but I will still have a plan B or C.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I suggested Public Policy because you mentioned an interest in a joint MD/JD degree.

I almost suggested Epidemiology to you but because it's so math-centered I didn't know if you'd be up for that. I also don't know if it's available as an undergraduate option for you. It's definitely a field that can pay well. I have an MPH and I see many jobs that are looking for someone with epidemiology skills. If you plan to go into research at some point then epidemiology definitely comes in handy. You're in GA, right? Atlanta has tons of public health opportunities.


No, I am in Houston. I would love to be near the CDC, but we are 700+ miles away! A PhD in PH or Epidemiology is truly on my shortlist of graduate degrees. I have looked for undergrad epidemiology programs in my area, but all are doctorate level.

Oh, I know that the field of Public Health is remunerative, but will it pay well for 2 years worth of work with only an undergrad degree?


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
No, I am in Houston. I would love to be near the CDC, but we are 700+ miles away! A PhD in PH or Epidemiology is truly on my shortlist of graduate degrees. I have looked for undergrad epidemiology programs in my area, but all are doctorate level.

Oh, I know that the field of Public Health is remunerative, but will it pay well for 2 years worth of work with only an undergrad degree?

Oops, I'm sorry, I thought I read something about GA in one of your other threads.

Public Health is such a broad field that the pay will vary according to where you work and what you do. In fact there are quite a few people working in public health that do not have a degree in the field at all. The higher paying jobs seem to be in administration and epidemiology. I went the route of Health Promotion which is on the lower paying end of the scale (unfortunately). If you can work for the government or for a corporate entity you'll likely make more. Check out the job listings for the federal government or local/state health departments. If you can gather some work experience (work with professors, practicums, volunteer) during your program then that will help when you look for a job after graduation.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Oops, I'm sorry, I thought I read something about GA in one of your other threads.

Public Health is such a broad field that the pay will vary according to where you work and what you do. In fact there are quite a few people working in public health that do not have a degree in the field at all. The higher paying jobs seem to be in administration and epidemiology. I went the route of Health Promotion which is on the lower paying end of the scale (unfortunately). If you can work for the government or for a corporate entity you'll likely make more. Check out the job listings for the federal government or local/state health departments. If you can gather some work experience (work with professors, practicums, volunteer) during your program then that will help when you look for a job after graduation.

THANK YOU!!!!

I will seek out people that can provide me with the information that I desire.

I am from Atlanta, and on of the RT programs that I am considering is in Savannah. There is a program in Augusta, but DH does not want to return to GA. At least not now.


----------



## rootzdawta

AM, I just want to say how I admire you. You have a focus and clarity about your goals that I envy. I wish you all the best and really do know I have my fingers crossed that you get into the nearest school.

Ladies, I wrote a letter to the director of the library. I'm pasting it below but changed some identifying words. Please critique if you can. Thanks.

July 10, 2009

Dear Library Director,

I want to start this letter by first commending you for the wonderful improvements that have been made at the The Public Library under your direction. They have not gone unnoticed. The library is a more beautiful place and things are running more and more efficiently. The additional programs that have been added are a real attraction and the monthly calendars/lists of events are extremely helpful. I want to take the opportunity to say thank you for making the library experience a more pleasant one for this town's residents.

Last Tuesday, July 7, 2009, I visited the library with my two children. I was surprised and disturbed to find that the TV was out in the front of the room and a DVD was playing. The DVD, as I later learned, was "Teen Titans", and while I don't have a problem with my children watching cartoons, this particular one was just not appropriate as most of the children who were present were under the age of six. While I felt it was inappropriate to have the television on altogether, I simply asked for a replacement DVD better suited to the audience. However, I was exceedingly disturbed by the fact that the TV was on in the first place especially in the Children's Room of the library, a place that should be promoting literacy and learning.

Television, DVDs, and other media do have a place in the education of children but they must be used in a structured and focused way. To have the television on in the background presents many problems and makes me wonder what kind of message we are trying to give to the children of this town. Is it that we need distractions from books? Or that books are not enough to capture our attention and keep us entertained? I trust these are not the messages we want to convey.

Rather than just complain about the situation, I am willing to do what I can to fill whatever gaps in programming at our library that may lead to the feeling that the television should be on. I am a skilled crochet and knitting artist. I know there is already a program in place to teach crochet to children but I would be willing to facilitate more of those workshops if there is an interest. Recently, I took my children to a library in a neighboring town for a yoga and movement program only to be turned away. The program, slated to start at 2:00, was already full by 1:30. Implementing a yoga and movement activity at our library would most likely generate a great deal of interest. While I am no yoga instructor by any means, I do practice yoga and would be happy to lend support in finding a yoga instructor willing to donate his/her time to teach yoga to the children of this town at our library. I would be more than happy to facilitate and assist in such a program as well.

I am not privy to all the reasons why decisions are made at the The Library but I know that plenty of thought has gone into and will continue to go into the difficult task of running the County's central library. The Library is improving steadily and it is small changes that make such noticeable positive impacts.

Thank you very much for your attention to this matter.

With warm regards,
Me


----------



## Jannah6

^







I think this letter is very well written.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
AM, I just want to say how I admire you. You have a focus and clarity about your goals that I envy. I wish you all the best and really do know I have my fingers crossed that you get into the nearest school.

Ladies, I wrote a letter to the director of the library. I'm pasting it below but changed some identifying words. Please critique if you can. Thanks.

July 10, 2009

Dear Library Director,

I want to start this letter by first commending you for the wonderful improvements that have been made at the The Public Library under your direction. They have not gone unnoticed. The library is a more beautiful place and things are running more and more efficiently. The additional programs that have been added are a real attraction and the monthly calendars/lists of events are extremely helpful. I want to take the opportunity to say thank you for making the library experience a more pleasant one for this town's residents.

Last Tuesday, July 7, 2009, I visited the library with my two children. I was surprised and disturbed to find that the TV was out in the front of the room and a DVD was playing. The DVD, as I later learned, was "Teen Titans", and while I don't have a problem with my children watching cartoons, this particular one was just not appropriate as most of the children who were present were under the age of six. While I felt it was inappropriate to have the television on altogether, I simply asked for a replacement DVD better suited to the audience. However, I was exceedingly disturbed by the fact that the TV was on in the first place especially in the Children's Room of the library, a place that should be promoting literacy and learning.

Television, DVDs, and other media do have a place in the education of children but they must be used in a structured and focused way. To have the television on in the background presents many problems and makes me wonder what kind of message we are trying to give to the children of this town. Is it that we need distractions from books? Or that books are not enough to capture our attention and keep us entertained? I trust these are not the messages we want to convey.

Rather than just complain about the situation, I am willing to do what I can to fill whatever gaps in programming at our library that may lead to the feeling that the television should be on. I am a skilled crochet and knitting artist. I know there is already a program in place to teach crochet to children but I would be willing to facilitate more of those workshops if there is an interest. Recently, I took my children to a library in a neighboring town for a yoga and movement program only to be turned away. The program, slated to start at 2:00, was already full by 1:30. Implementing a yoga and movement activity at our library would most likely generate a great deal of interest. While I am no yoga instructor by any means, I do practice yoga and would be happy to lend support in finding a yoga instructor willing to donate his/her time to teach yoga to the children of this town at our library. I would be more than happy to facilitate and assist in such a program as well.

I am not privy to all the reasons why decisions are made at the The Library but I know that plenty of thought has gone into and will continue to go into the difficult task of running the County's central library. The Library is improving steadily and it is small changes that make such noticeable positive impacts.

Thank you very much for your attention to this matter.

With warm regards,
Me









Love it...very balanced and offers great suggestions.


----------



## rootzdawta

Thanks! Off to print and send.


----------



## bkmami

Hi, all! Can I jump in? I am new to MDC.







I am from Brooklyn, NY and have two sons with another on the way! I am of Puerto Rican heritage and DH's family is from El Salvador. Makes a very interesting family dynamic!








Hope to get to know all of you!


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
Hi, all! Can I jump in? I am new to MDC.







I am from Brooklyn, NY and have two sons with another on the way! I am of Puerto Rican heritage and DH's family is from El Salvador. Makes a very interesting family dynamic!








Hope to get to know all of you!

Hey bkmami! I live in Brooklyn too! Welcome to the thread!


----------



## bkmami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
Hey bkmami! I live in Brooklyn too! Welcome to the thread!









Thank you! Nice to see someone from BK!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 
Then, she found out the guy she dated for seven years is going to be getting married later this year to this woman friend who had declared her love from him while my sister and him were dating. Obviously, she's upset that it took them 7 years to get to the point where they were going to get married and one year for him to be ready to marry this new girl...
I don't have much comforting advice for her.

Any advice?

I have a close friend that has had a similar situation as your sister. She had a very volatile relationship only to find out just a few months after he broke up with her that he married another woman who he was "just friends" with during their 6 year relationship. It was very difficult for her and she went through a time of serial dating/hookups. What led her back to focusing on herself and healing was to decide not to look at what was missing in her life but what she has already accomplished. A year later, she met the man she is now married to and they have an adorable son. Not to say that "finding the right man" was the answer to help her but just wanted to say that she did indeed find a partner who respected and cherishes her. Love is out there to be found.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
Quick question for you ladies who travel with your LO: Does anyone have any tips about traveling internationally with a baby? DS will be almost 9 months when we travel to Costa Rica for a week. DS, my mother and I are visiting my brother there. We rented a house near the beach so we will have all the normal amenities luckily. The plane ride is in two parts: New York to Florida and then Florida to Costa Rica. Pretty short layovers, thank goodness! I am just worried because DS is getting stronger by the day and he can be quite the handful, even just commuting back and forth from work on the subway! I am also wondering what foods would travel well for him. He eats at least 2 meals a day now and organic green puffs as a snack in the morning while he watches his french language DVD. We also give him food that we are eating at dinnertime on occasion. I don't like the jarred baby foods, organic or otherwise but I do want something on hand just in case, you know? Any advise or tips would be really appreciated!

Thanks in advance









Oh, what a wonderful trip! I haven't been to Costa Rica but my father-in-law travels there every year and completely gushes over how beautiful it is! I have yet to take a trip with my sons (almost 3 and 18 months) but we hopefully will next month and I am in the same boat. Advice that I have heard is to have new toys/playthings to pull out every so often to keep them entertained...as well, as snacks. Your son is younger than mine and my pregnant brain, for some reason, cannot remember what 9 months old can or cannot eat! I do remember bananas, sweet potatoes and crackers were a huge hit! I used to travel with them cut up in take along jars.








Also, do you use a sling at all? I can see how walking a bit with him in a sling can help with any crankiness he may have being on the plane. Good Luck and can't wait to hear about your trip!


----------



## bajamergrrl

Welcome!


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Thanks! Off to print and send.


Can't wait to hear about the response.








: *Bkmami*, I'm in Bk as well








*
Bkmami*, are you on TBW? I think I met you IRL, by Methodist hospital and bought a MT from you. If it's not you, sorry


----------



## Jannah6

HEY, what happened to my siggy????


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
AM, I just want to say how I admire you. You have a focus and clarity about your goals that I envy. I wish you all the best and really do know I have my fingers crossed that you get into the nearest school.

Ladies, I wrote a letter to the director of the library. I'm pasting it below but changed some identifying words. Please critique if you can. Thanks.

July 10, 2009

Dear Library Director,

I want to start this letter by first commending you for the wonderful improvements that have been made at the The Public Library under your direction. They have not gone unnoticed. The library is a more beautiful place and things are running more and more efficiently. The additional programs that have been added are a real attraction and the monthly calendars/lists of events are extremely helpful. I want to take the opportunity to say thank you for making the library experience a more pleasant one for this town's residents.

Last Tuesday, July 7, 2009, I visited the library with my two children. I was surprised and disturbed to find that the TV was out in the front of the room and a DVD was playing. The DVD, as I later learned, was "Teen Titans", and while I don't have a problem with my children watching cartoons, this particular one was just not appropriate as most of the children who were present were under the age of six. While I felt it was inappropriate to have the television on altogether, I simply asked for a replacement DVD better suited to the audience. However, I was exceedingly disturbed by the fact that the TV was on in the first place especially in the Children's Room of the library, a place that should be promoting literacy and learning.

Television, DVDs, and other media do have a place in the education of children but they must be used in a structured and focused way. To have the television on in the background presents many problems and makes me wonder what kind of message we are trying to give to the children of this town. Is it that we need distractions from books? Or that books are not enough to capture our attention and keep us entertained? I trust these are not the messages we want to convey.

Rather than just complain about the situation, I am willing to do what I can to fill whatever gaps in programming at our library that may lead to the feeling that the television should be on. I am a skilled crochet and knitting artist. I know there is already a program in place to teach crochet to children but I would be willing to facilitate more of those workshops if there is an interest. Recently, I took my children to a library in a neighboring town for a yoga and movement program only to be turned away. The program, slated to start at 2:00, was already full by 1:30. Implementing a yoga and movement activity at our library would most likely generate a great deal of interest. While I am no yoga instructor by any means, I do practice yoga and would be happy to lend support in finding a yoga instructor willing to donate his/her time to teach yoga to the children of this town at our library. I would be more than happy to facilitate and assist in such a program as well.

I am not privy to all the reasons why decisions are made at the The Library but I know that plenty of thought has gone into and will continue to go into the difficult task of running the County's central library. The Library is improving steadily and it is small changes that make such noticeable positive impacts.

Thank you very much for your attention to this matter.

With warm regards,
Me

Thanks Rootz! My clarity and focus came from taking an extended break. I am feeling positive about the school in Houston.









I love your letter, and your willingness to lend your talents.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
HEY, what happened to my siggy????

Jannah, you must have missed the message!!







All signatures were deleted last week due to the no links in signature rule!!! Members were asked to save their signatures.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
Hi, all! Can I jump in? I am new to MDC.








I am from Brooklyn, NY and have two sons with another on the way! I am of Puerto Rican heritage and DH's family is from El Salvador. Makes a very interesting family dynamic!








Hope to get to know all of you!


Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Jannah, you must have missed the message!!







All signatures were deleted last week due to the no links in signature rule!!! Members were asked to save their signatures.

Thanks, I missed that message.


----------



## bkmami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Welcome!

Thank you!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 








: *Bkmami*, I'm in Bk as well








*
Bkmami*, are you on TBW? I think I met you IRL, by Methodist hospital and bought a MT from you. If it's not you, sorry









Yes! I sold you the Sachi! Do you still have it? It was lovely. I just found MDC after so many years on TBW. I still post there regularly though but wanted to find another community of mamas. I am having a hard time connecting with irl mamas these days. I want to find families who share the similar views on parenting/life (especially MOC) as I do.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
Hi, all! Can I jump in? I am new to MDC.







I am from Brooklyn, NY and have two sons with another on the way! I am of Puerto Rican heritage and DH's family is from El Salvador. Makes a very interesting family dynamic!








Hope to get to know all of you!

Hello and welcome!!


----------



## BlackAngelPlayah

Hellooooooo.







Nice to find this tread. And you guys are talking about locks and natural hair to boot. I think I'll fit right in here. I have locks and have had them for almost 4 years (Next month makes 4 years.) I'm currently trying to conceive, I'm not sure if there's a forum for that. I got this addy from www.nappturality.com from a buddy on there. Apparently you guys are the experts.









Well, gotta go for now. There's a whole site to check out. LoL

Jen


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
Thank you!

Yes! I sold you the Sachi! Do you still have it? It was lovely. I just found MDC after so many years on TBW. I still post there regularly though but wanted to find another community of mamas. I am having a hard time connecting with irl mamas these days. I want to find families who share the similar views on parenting/life (especially MOC) as I do.









Thank you!


Yes, I still have the Sachi, it's my FAVORITE! It's so comfortable and strong.
BTW, congratulations on your pregnancy.
There are several mamas here that are in NYC, I think at least 5 in Bklyn. I'm in Bed-Stuy, where are you?

*Here's a pic of me wearing my youngest in the Sachi*

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z...nah5/025-2.jpg

I normally wear her on my back. My 6 yr old DS just saw this pic and said "Who took that pic?". So I told him that I did, and he said "With her on your back?"









Is anyone going to the Still Hip block party:

*http://stillhipbrooklyn.com/

Still Hip's 2nd Birthday Block Party!
July 25th | Saturday | ALL DAY!

* live music [Rolie Polie Guacamole]
* FREE demo classes [Musica Para Mi, Let's Dance Brooklyn, Little Stretch Yoga, Private Picassos + more]
* craft activities
* face painting
* food
* + MORE!!!

*








*BlackAngelPlayah*, there's a forum for everything here


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BlackAngelPlayah* 
Hellooooooo.







Nice to find this tread. And you guys are talking about locks and natural hair to boot. I think I'll fit right in here. I have locks and have had them for almost 4 years (Next month makes 4 years.) I'm currently trying to conceive, I'm not sure if there's a forum for that. I got this addy from www.nappturality.com from a buddy on there. Apparently you guys are the experts.









Well, gotta go for now. There's a whole site to check out. LoL

Jen

Hi Jen. Welcome. I think there are a few of us also on nappturality! I hope you'll stick around


----------



## futurmama8

I don't know if I can ask this but who else is on nappturality?


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I don't know if I can ask this but who else is on nappturality?


I'm not. I'm about to check it out right now. Like I need another addiction


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BlackAngelPlayah* 
Hellooooooo.







Nice to find this tread. And you guys are talking about locks and natural hair to boot. I think I'll fit right in here. I have locks and have had them for almost 4 years (Next month makes 4 years.) I'm currently trying to conceive, I'm not sure if there's a forum for that. I got this addy from www.nappturality.com from a buddy on there. Apparently you guys are the experts.









Well, gotta go for now. There's a whole site to check out. LoL

Jen

Welcome, Jen!

We are in the same boat--TTC #1. There is a forum for Trying to Conceive, but most of the posts just stress me out, so I try to stay away.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I don't know if I can ask this but who else is on nappturality?

I used to be on a long time ago but haven't for a few years now.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I don't know if I can ask this but who else is on nappturality?


I am but I think you already knew that...but I rarely go over there more than once a week.

By the way its ok to ask about anothere board but we can't really get into talking much about it...just a heads up.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
Oh, what a wonderful trip! I haven't been to Costa Rica but my father-in-law travels there every year and completely gushes over how beautiful it is! I have yet to take a trip with my sons (almost 3 and 18 months) but we hopefully will next month and I am in the same boat. Advice that I have heard is to have new toys/playthings to pull out every so often to keep them entertained...as well, as snacks. Your son is younger than mine and my pregnant brain, for some reason, cannot remember what 9 months old can or cannot eat! I do remember bananas, sweet potatoes and crackers were a huge hit! I used to travel with them cut up in take along jars.








Also, do you use a sling at all? I can see how walking a bit with him in a sling can help with any crankiness he may have being on the plane. Good Luck and can't wait to hear about your trip!









Thanks bkmami! Yeah my son gets easily bored so I definitely should get some new toys for him. DS loves bananas, I need to bring those. I don't have a sling but I have an Ergo Sport to wear him in. I used to wear him in the Moby but at 20 pounds, he is a bit too heavy for it so I had to switch.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I used to be on a long time ago but haven't for a few years now.


Yeah same here. I used go on nappturality all the time but then I just sort of stopped. It was great for when I first was wearing my natural hair out and eventually transitioned to locks but now the novelty has worn off about my hair, I seldom really think about it. It's just hair to me now.


----------



## eilonwy

I've got a new regular hairstyle which is fun for me-- I put my hair into a ponytail and then divide & twist it into a bunch of spiral curls. I can only get 6-10 of decent size, so it only works in a ponytail. It's super cute and, for my hair type, requires almost no energy-- 15 minutes, tops. I'll have to get a picture of it this summer. The thing before that was just to twist it up behind my head in one of those clippy thingies, or just to leave it down and curly (but I hate doing that in summer). I like it because it's off my neck, it stays neat and tidy, and it still looks very mixed.









I'm probably going to put some colored extentions into my hair in a few weeks, though. Every couple of years I get a bug to do it; Long purple, red, blue, pink braids. Not special extensions, just the cheap plastic kind that make for totally unnatural looking braids when girls do them in natural hair colors, but which are just plain fun in weird colors.







I should do it soon, though; I'll probably want to look like a grownup when school starts in the fall.

Miss BooBah will be a kindergartener in August.







: She's so big! I can hardly believe that half my kids are school aged.







I'm probably more excited than she is.


----------



## bkmami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Yes, I still have the Sachi, it's my FAVORITE! It's so comfortable and strong.
BTW, congratulations on your pregnancy.
There are several mamas here that are in NYC, I think at least 5 in Bklyn. I'm in Bed-Stuy, where are you?

*Here's a pic of me wearing my youngest in the Sachi*

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z...nah5/025-2.jpg

Is anyone going to the Still Hip block party:

*http://stillhipbrooklyn.com/

Still Hip's 2nd Birthday Block Party!
July 25th | Saturday | ALL DAY!
*
*
*
*
That is a beautiful pic! So happy that it is getting some love. I am right near you...in Bushwick! We are neighbors!
I want to check out that Block Party...but that day, Jerry Rivera is having a free concert in Central Park.







Decisions, decisions!
Hi BlackAngelPlayah!*


----------



## eilonwy

Not too terribly long ago, one of you ladies posted a recipe for... I think conditioner? for your little girl's curly hair. Could you post it again, please, or link me to it if you know what I'm talking about?

I think I'm about ready to take the plunge into natural haircare. I'm totally and sadly addicted to my Pantene, but I'd really like to try something different for washing & conditioning. My hair is very fine and fairly curly; It dries out *insanely* (as does my scalp) but when it's conditioned well, it's soft and shiny. I'd like to keep that soft shininess without the Pantene, if it's possible.







Any suggestions?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Not too terribly long ago, one of you ladies posted a recipe for... I think conditioner? for your little girl's curly hair. Could you post it again, please, or link me to it if you know what I'm talking about?

I think I'm about ready to take the plunge into natural haircare. I'm totally and sadly addicted to my Pantene, but I'd really like to try something different for washing & conditioning. My hair is very fine and fairly curly; It dries out *insanely* (as does my scalp) but when it's conditioned well, it's soft and shiny. I'd like to keep that soft shininess without the Pantene, if it's possible.







Any suggestions?

was it this?


----------



## eilonwy

No, it was something she'd made at home. I remember reading it, thinking it sounded delicious, and then someone else posted that it sounded delicious and she said that her little girl had actually eaten some of it.







(It was made of food.)


----------



## AndrewsMother

This

Quote:
Originally Posted by wiksty

Anywho, just wanted to drop by to say hey and catch up on everybody. Oh! I remember, the other thing I wanted to do was share the organic hair conditioner recipe I found/tweaked for my daughter's curls. It is AMAZING as far as the results, and really easy to make. It was supposed to be my quick fix in between purchasing something for her (i still need a daily moisturizer because jojoba oil and water works, but...I'm looking for more). But here it is:

I didn't wash her hair, just conditioned it...

1 large ripe organic avocado
1 can (400ml) organic coconut milk
2tsp organic virgin olive oil

mix together (I used my mixer) until smooth. Apply for 10-15 minutes, and rinse out. Her curls were just...perfect. Shiny but not oily, bouncy and full, soft and finger-comb-able. Lovely, and the results lasted like 4-5 days. I got the recipe from pioneerthinking.com and tweaked it a bit (what you see is what I actually used). Smells great too, but refrigerate the leftovers! The recipe I listed makes about one speghetti sauce jar sized portion. Enjoy!

Hope that all is well with everyone I am well...and happy

That sounds so good. I want to eat it!


----------



## rootzdawta

I wonder how that would work on my sons' locks . . . however, I'm wondering how I could convince them to get back into water after 15 minutes . . .


----------



## JustKiya

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
I don't know if I can ask this but who else is on nappturality?

I am, relatively infrequently, though.


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I wonder how that would work on my sons' locks . . . however, I'm wondering how I could convince them to get back into water after 15 minutes . . .

Maybe start his bath by washing his hair and applying the conditioner then let him play and wash up then by the time that is over 15 minutes would've passed. Just a thought because that is what I do to my hair (minus the play part lol).


----------



## Jannah6

I have to try that recipe too. My friend gave me a recipe for a conditioner ,but it included avocado,olive oil, and an egg. It made my hair look so good. My aunt noticed the difference and I hadn't even told her what I had done to it.

*bkmamai*, Hey neighbor thanks for the compliments. I am really feeling the free concerts. I was going to attend the MC Lyte concert, but I had a headache







. My husbant went though. I am SOOOO going to the *Lisa Lisa* concert!!!

I was invited to a womens gathering on the day of the Block Party, but my husband plays softball on Saturdays so I have no childcare.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 
Maybe start his bath by washing his hair and applying the conditioner then let him play and wash up then by the time that is over 15 minutes would've passed. Just a thought because that is what I do to my hair (minus the play part lol).

They shower. Or bathe with a bucket and dipper. Baths last 5 minutes tops.


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
They shower. Or bathe with a bucket and dipper. Baths last 5 minutes tops.

hmmm...maybe wet his hair and put a plastic cap on it so he doesn't get it everywhere, let him play and then rinse it off before his shower or while he is in the shower.


----------



## bkmami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I am SOOOO going to the *Lisa Lisa* concert!!!

Lisa Lisa?! When?Where? I need to check that out!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I have to try that recipe too. My friend gave me a recipe for a conditioner ,but it included avocado,olive oil, and an egg. It made my hair look so good. My aunt noticed the difference and I hadn't even told her what I had done to it.

*bkmamai*, Hey neighbor thanks for the compliments. I am really feeling the free concerts. I was going to attend the MC Lyte concert, but I had a headache







. My husbant went though. I am SOOOO going to the *Lisa Lisa* concert!!!

I was invited to a womens gathering on the day of the Block Party, but my husband plays softball on Saturdays so I have no childcare.


Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam!!


----------



## Jannah6

Lisa Lisa is my girl







This morning I was telling DH about her concert, then we started singing one of her songs








*
BKMami*, the Lisa Lisa concert is Tuesday Aug 11th at Red Hook Park.
*
CityParksFoundation.org*

*
ETA:* http://www.cityparksfoundation.org/index1.aspx?BD=20011


----------



## Bloomingstar

hiii







:
I'll probably go to the still hip block party. I went to the sale, too, Jannah, just late. As for free concerts, so far we've gone to see Femi Kuti in Prospect Park and last week we saw Rebirth Brass Band at Metrotech. I cannot wait for the Purple Rain singalong in Prospect Pal (aug 6th). CANNOT WAIT!

The boy is huge now, and got his first 2 teeth last week. When does the teething end?! heh. I finally got a stroller (Britax Viguor--niiice sale online) and it's great, but VERY heavy. We still use the Moby more than the stroller, but I am thinking about getting some other kind of carrier so I can put him on my back. Hey, didn't someone on this thread have a blog with a "how-to" on back carries with a lapa? Would anyone mind reposting the link, if it's hanging around? I have a nice piece of fabric I might be able to use.

We're taking two trips soon--August to Texas to see my family, December to Tobago to see DH's family. I am nervous about this wiggly little boy on the plane but my trusty Moby may yet save the day, even though he is a giant. His 6 month check up is on Friday and I am afraid to find out how much he actually weighs. And I guess I'll weigh myself then too







.

Loved the letter to the library, also.









Anyone reading anything interesting this summer? I am on a vampire kick. It started with Fledgling by Octavia Butler and has, I must sadly admit, gone into the Twilight series (haha) and I am looking forward to re-reading Tananarive Due's books. What's on your summer reading lists?


----------



## bajamergrrl

My summer reading list is mostly revolving around baby care books, but I do need to catch up on the Stephanie Plum series. If you're into vamps, check out the L.A. Banks Vampire Huntress series. The protagonist is a WOC who is a spoken word/hip hop artist by day and butt-kicking vampire hunter by night.


----------



## futurmama8

I am reading Jubilee, a couple of books for my Tanzania trip and some off of Rootz blog page.


----------



## newmama8

hey, ive read a few posts and wanted to join the thread. the convo's about hair are interesting...it's such a part of who we are, and at the same time it can be something so 'unimportant' too, since who we really are is not about our hair and outer appearance, but that doesn't stop me from feeling self-conscious if my locks are a little frizzy or need to be twisted on certain days...

as for the carriers...i have a moby which i loved for not-hot days/climate...and just bought a baby tai online from a sahm who makes them herself...i love wearing my daughter when its not too hot and not for extended periods as she is on her way to 30 lbs! whheww

i wish i had a cool signature, but since i dont...im a mama to a lovely almost 10 month old girl, living in st. louis, mo with my partner and working part time and mothering all the time, of course

if any one is in the STL area, let me know! i posted a thread to find some other like-minded women of color to start a local meet-up group with but didn't get any responses in my area (il-mo-iowa).

also, trying to go more raw if anyone has any tips...we're vegetarian but more vegan-leaning right now

peace!


----------



## newmama8

oops, i guess i do have my signature 'approved'


----------



## eilonwy

I'm reading The Ethical Slut, and working my way through childrens' series (His Dark Materials for the second time, Harry Potter for at least the fourth, a few others) just so that I know what's there before my son gets to all of them.







He's *right* on my tail with the Harry Potters.







: Oh, and this old medical textbook, because I've got a thing about old textbooks.







There are some other kid's books around that Bean might pick up and I really want to make sure that I've read them all recently (or that I know them very very well) before he reads them. I just like to be prepared.







That, and my mom stopped pre-reading books for me when I was abotu eight and I missed being able to discuss them all with her. She'd read lots of the books I read, but certainly not all of them and that was kind of a loss for me.









Bean's reading Harry Potter, and eyeing the copy of The Golden Compass that Mike borrowed from the library.














I think he's still working through The Chronicles of Narnia, but I'm not sure. These days, I'm just *itching* to give him Ender's Game because it's fun... but I'm not 100% certain he's ready for it. I think I'll ask my family what they think.


----------



## Jannah6

elcome *Newmama*
*
Bloomingstar* IMO this last Still Hip sale wasn't as good as the first, but I got there early and managed to get some decent finds.
As for carriers, I really really like my Sachi. Safiyyah is 21 pounds and 26 inches now and she feels so light on my back. I think *BKmami* might be able to recommend a good carrier( I stalked her username her on TBW







)

I'm not reading anything right now. I don't read as much as I should







I'm a HUGE mystery buff, but I won't pick one up until I read more on my religion. Lately I've just been reading the Quran/religious materials online because it's easiest for me.

Oh, Bloomingstar have a wonderful time on your vacations. I can't wait to see pics.
Our family can't afford a trip, private school tuition is a killer







. I might take a 5 day trip with Safiyyah to SC to visit my family. I would like to see my SC family, but I kinda wish that I could go elsewhere.


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
hiii







:
I'll probably go to the still hip block party. I went to the sale, too, Jannah, just late. As for free concerts, so far we've gone to see Femi Kuti in Prospect Park and last week we saw Rebirth Brass Band at Metrotech. I cannot wait for the Purple Rain singalong in Prospect Pal (aug 6th). CANNOT WAIT!

The boy is huge now, and got his first 2 teeth last week. When does the teething end?! heh. I finally got a stroller (Britax Viguor--niiice sale online) and it's great, but VERY heavy. We still use the Moby more than the stroller, but I am thinking about getting some other kind of carrier so I can put him on my back. Hey, didn't someone on this thread have a blog with a "how-to" on back carries with a lapa? Would anyone mind reposting the link, if it's hanging around? I have a nice piece of fabric I might be able to use.

We're taking two trips soon--August to Texas to see my family, December to Tobago to see DH's family. I am nervous about this wiggly little boy on the plane but my trusty Moby may yet save the day, even though he is a giant. His 6 month check up is on Friday and I am afraid to find out how much he actually weighs. And I guess I'll weigh myself then too







.

Loved the letter to the library, also.









Anyone reading anything interesting this summer? I am on a vampire kick. It started with Fledgling by Octavia Butler and has, I must sadly admit, gone into the Twilight series (haha) and I am looking forward to re-reading Tananarive Due's books. What's on your summer reading lists?

Im on an african-american literature kick this summer right now Im reading "Harlem Renaissance" by Nathan Irvin Huggins. Next books im tryna delve into are some W.E.B. DuBois books.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmama8* 
hey, ive read a few posts and wanted to join the thread. the convo's about hair are interesting...it's such a part of who we are, and at the same time it can be something so 'unimportant' too, since who we really are is not about our hair and outer appearance, but that doesn't stop me from feeling self-conscious if my locks are a little frizzy or need to be twisted on certain days...

as for the carriers...i have a moby which i loved for not-hot days/climate...and just bought a baby tai online from a sahm who makes them herself...i love wearing my daughter when its not too hot and not for extended periods as she is on her way to 30 lbs! whheww

i wish i had a cool signature, but since i dont...im a mama to a lovely almost 10 month old girl, living in st. louis, mo with my partner and working part time and mothering all the time, of course

if any one is in the STL area, let me know! i posted a thread to find some other like-minded women of color to start a local meet-up group with but didn't get any responses in my area (il-mo-iowa).

also, trying to go more raw if anyone has any tips...we're vegetarian but more vegan-leaning right now

peace!

Welcome newmama8! Hubby and I used to live in St. Louis and still have family there. Your best bet for finding other mamas there is in the Missouri Find Your Tribe area. Even tho many MDC WOC post here, a lot still do not and you might find them in there instead.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
We're taking two trips soon--August to Texas to see my family, December to Tobago to see DH's family. I am nervous about this wiggly little boy on the plane but my trusty Moby may yet save the day, even though he is a giant. His 6 month check up is on Friday and I am afraid to find out how much he actually weighs. And I guess I'll weigh myself then too







.

Anyone reading anything interesting this summer? I am on a vampire kick. It started with Fledgling by Octavia Butler and has, I must sadly admit, gone into the Twilight series (haha) and I am looking forward to re-reading Tananarive Due's books. What's on your summer reading lists?

Me, my mom and DS are going to Costa Rica this friday to visit my brother. DS is SOOOO wiggly at 9 months! He moves around so much and wants to grab everything in sight even during the subway rides! I am kind of dreading the plane ride. It is a red-eye flight(2 flights with a quick layover) so I am hoping he sleeps through it all! It was so much easier when he was 2 months old and tucked into the Moby the whole time. I am currently using the Ergo Sport to carry him around. He's probably about 20 pounds now and the Moby was not cutting it for me anymore. And I was getting so hot and sweaty in it.

I have been reading the Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind, It's an epic fantasy series of like 11 books. It's my secret escape. I just finished book 3 this past weekend. I have read all of the Twilight series except the last one, the writing is SO bad but it's a guilty pleasure...oh Edward, oh Bella!


----------



## bkmami

Hi newmama8!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
As for carriers, I really really like my Sachi. Safiyyah is 21 pounds and 26 inches now and she feels so light on my back. I think *BKmami* might be able to recommend a good carrier( I stalked her username her on TBW







)

Thanks, Jannah!







I can safely say that I have tried so many carriers but I really love using wraps because for me it is the most comfortable. (I loved the Sachi which is a mei tai.) I use woven wraps instead of stretchy ones like Moby because they are most supportive with bigger babies. I do use an Ergo esp bec it's quick on and off which is great for up and down. Wovens are a bit more expensive than Mobys but you can use them for the entire time of babywearing...I use them at times with my almost 3 year old. Also, there are so many different ways you can carry your babies with wovens, on your back, front, hip.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
I have been reading the Sword of Truth Series by Terry Goodkind, It's an epic fantasy series of like 11 books. It's my secret escape. I just finished book 3 this past weekend. I have read all of the Twilight series except the last one, the writing is SO bad but it's a guilty pleasure...oh Edward, oh Bella!

I need to get into some epic fantasies! I read most of the Twilight but now on the 3rd one (Eclipse) and getting just too frustrated with it. haha I have been reading a lot of birth books like Spiritual Midwifery. Such inspirational stories!


----------



## eilonwy

I read most of the Sword of Truth series years ago. I've got some issues with Goodkind. I read Wheel of Time and was very frustrated with that by book 8, downright angry by book 9. I'm waiting on book 5 of A Song of Fire and Ice (GRR Martin) and I'm convinced that he, like Jordan, is going to pull a Herbert on us and die before he finishes the bloody series.

These three men are the reason that I'm afraid to write my novel. I don't have an ending yet and I'll be damned if I give sf/fantasy readers one more author to bitch about.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bkmami* 
I need to get into some epic fantasies! I read most of the Twilight but now on the 3rd one (Eclipse) and getting just too frustrated with it. haha I have been reading a lot of birth books like Spiritual Midwifery. Such inspirational stories!

I LOVED Spiritual Midwifery. I love all the hippies with their beards and long hair! And how everything is psychedelic during their labors! I enjoyed that book more than Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Reading both of her books really helped me stay positive about labor and childbirth. My doula forbade me from reading "What to expect when you're expecting". I am glad she did; it's very negative and just focuses on problems and what can go wrong.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I read most of the Sword of Truth series years ago. I've got some issues with Goodkind.




Ooo, I am curious to know what your issues are with Goodkind! I am very new to the Sword of Truth series. I love Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Alternative reality type stuff, do you have any suggestions for great series?


----------



## eilonwy

Richard Rahl knows everything. He figures things out long before he has any right to, and in ways that make absolutely no sense-- his prescience is out of step with everything else about the character. Compare that to Rand al'Thor (Robert Jordan's protagonist), who takes a book and a half to figure out why this girl he likes is suddenly dressing *very* differently and is in a rotten mood all the time, and not spending as much time with her old comrades.







That's much more realistic behavior from a 17 year old boy who's got a lot on his mind (like carrying the weight of an entire fantasy series!







), and who was bright enough but certainly not a genius to begin with.

At least Goodkind manages to finish books. Well, he does a better job than Jordan (who forgot how to finish a book by the time he got to the fourth book of Eye of the World) but I guess that's not saying much.









I love Orson Scott Card; He finishes books *and* series, which makes him a rarity. If you read Magic Street, PLEASE read the introduction first. I'm tired of arguing with people who think he's a racist just because so so so many characters in his books aren't white and he doesn't really know how to do that in many cases. He knows he's a white man, he can't really help that, but I think he's much less racist and less oblivious than most science fiction writers.

Neil Gaiman-- he's FANTASTIC. I can't get enough of him, nor say enough good things about him. American Gods is just *incredible* and his Endless series is what healed me of my book snobbery. Preludes & Nocturnes is the first of the Endless books-- they're graphic novels and they're WELL worth buying, excellent work. He also writes children's books, which just tickles me.









I rather liked Alan Dean Foster as a child/teen, but I haven't read any of his books in years so I don't know how they stack up for adults. I will say that most of the books I was wild about as a child are still fantastic today (I can tell what I saw in them then, and I still enjoy them) but I like to reread to be certain.









For example: As a child, I was a HUGE fan of Isaac Asimov. As an adult, I can appreciate his work but I really think he was a jerk.







I loved Larry Niven as a kid, but as an adult I thought he was a bit pretentious.







Heinlein has remained enjoyable for me, because I was introduced to him as "a product of his time." Through that lens, his work is still lots of fun for me.









Oh! Have you read Battlefield Earth? I know the movie was *wretched* but the book was really fantastic.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Before I say anything, how can I tell my DH, in a nice way, that I think that he needs to be a better husband and provider?


----------



## bajamergrrl

First, welcome to *newmama8*!

*AndrewsMother*, hmm, I always find these to be tough questions to answer because I hate the thought of giving anyone bad advice. So here are some suggestions for communication:

- Whatever you end up saying to him, it might be best to make sure that you eliminate/minimize the words "but" "you" and "why" because those are words that put people on the defensive and can escalate conflict.

- Allow him to save face.

- Be sure to state your interests and not just your positions. Positions are the "whats", i.e. what you believe, want, think, etc. Interests are the "whys" , i.e. why you believe it, want it, think it.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
First, welcome to *newmama8*!

*AndrewsMother*, hmm, I always find these to be tough questions to answer because I hate the thought of giving anyone bad advice. So here are some suggestions for communication:

- Whatever you end up saying to him, it might be best to make sure that you eliminate/minimize the words "but" "you" and "why" because those are words that put people on the defensive and can escalate conflict.

- Allow him to save face.

- Be sure to state your interests and not just your positions. Positions are the "whats", i.e. what you believe, want, think, etc. Interests are the "whys" , i.e. why you believe it, want it, think it.

Your suggestions are on target with what I was thinking.

This is what I thought of emailing to him. *"I don't feel, protected, valued, or cherished."* It says what I feel without stating what he is not doing.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Welcome Newmama 8!!!!

I think that an MDC WOC mom just moved from the STL area last month.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newmama8* 
oops, i guess i do have my signature 'approved'


Hey welcome Newmama8







:. Nope, you don't have to get your signature approved


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Welcome Newmama 8!!!!

I think that an MDC WOC mom just moved from the STL area last month.

Yupper. I wonder if she still lurks around these parts?


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Your suggestions are on target with what I was thinking.

This is what I thought of emailing to him. *"I don't feel, protected, valued, or cherished."* It says what I feel without stating what he is not doing.


I would also suggest balancing what you say by telling him what he does well and what you appreciate. That will help to lessen his defensiveness and hopefully be more open to your needs. Good luck.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Yupper. I wonder if she still lurks around these parts?

She moved to Dallas.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
I LOVED Spiritual Midwifery. I love all the hippies with their beards and long hair! And how everything is psychedelic during their labors! I enjoyed that book more than Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Reading both of her books really helped me stay positive about labor and childbirth. My doula forbade me from reading "What to expect when you're expecting". I am glad she did; it's very negative and just focuses on problems and what can go wrong.









I wish I had known about these books during my first pregnancy







Sadly, What To Expect was my guide. Oh, and have a WONDERFUL time in Costa Rica and take plenty of pics.

Many, many 







s to you *AM*. I can't advise you because what worked for me is letting my DH know that I no longer wanted to be married to him. It was drastic, but at the time I really was ready to walk out of the door. I'm happy to say that he has changed. He still slips up sometimes(we all do) when he does I find it helpful to write him a letter.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
She moved to Dallas.









I know







I love that woman. She is funny and smart as heck!!


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I know







I love that woman. She is funny and smart as heck!!

Who is she?


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Who is she?

isherreal!


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
isherreal!

I know that username and I think that I liked her too







.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I'm reading The Ethical Slut, and working my way through childrens' series (His Dark Materials for the second time, Harry Potter for at least the fourth, a few others) just so that I know what's there before my son gets to all of them.









I'm reading _The Golden Compass_ right now, and I'm finding it . . . just ok. I'm probably about half way through, and it is not bad enough for me to stop reading altogether, but not good enough for me to press forward with too much passion. So I continue to read a few pages every night with the hopes that it will either get better or end soon. I also finally read _Twilight_, and I was pretty disappointed. Plus, I really can't get past the Mormon/Christian message of virginity/abstinence/good boy/bad girl . . . I Netflixed the movie because my colleague was raving about it, and I could NOT get into it. Robert Patterson is not cute to me at all, and the story still sucked.









Welcome, Newmomma! I used to live in St. Louis (for about 5 years). I enjoyed my time there.

Andrewsmother, I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. One thing I have learned to stay away from is superlatives. So, I try to avoid saying, "You *never* . . ." or "You *always* . . ." For my DH, that is the fastest way to get him on the defensive. Good luck!


----------



## eilonwy

His Dark Materials starts off a little slowly, but it definately picks up about 2/3 of the way through the first book. The third book is very, very cool; I really like the series. They get kind of dark and heavy, though; I don't think Bean's anywhere near old enough for books 2 & 3 which is why I'm hoping he doesn't pick up the first one.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Richard Rahl knows everything. He figures things out long before he has any right to, and in ways that make absolutely no sense-- his prescience is out of step with everything else about the character. Compare that to Rand al'Thor (Robert Jordan's protagonist), who takes a book and a half to figure out why this girl he likes is suddenly dressing *very* differently and is in a rotten mood all the time, and not spending as much time with her old comrades.







That's much more realistic behavior from a 17 year old boy who's got a lot on his mind (like carrying the weight of an entire fantasy series!







), and who was bright enough but certainly not a genius to begin with.

At least Goodkind manages to finish books. Well, he does a better job than Jordan (who forgot how to finish a book by the time he got to the fourth book of Eye of the World) but I guess that's not saying much.









I love Orson Scott Card; He finishes books *and* series, which makes him a rarity. If you read Magic Street, PLEASE read the introduction first. I'm tired of arguing with people who think he's a racist just because so so so many characters in his books aren't white and he doesn't really know how to do that in many cases. He knows he's a white man, he can't really help that, but I think he's much less racist and less oblivious than most science fiction writers.

Neil Gaiman-- he's FANTASTIC. I can't get enough of him, nor say enough good things about him. American Gods is just *incredible* and his Endless series is what healed me of my book snobbery. Preludes & Nocturnes is the first of the Endless books-- they're graphic novels and they're WELL worth buying, excellent work. He also writes children's books, which just tickles me.









I rather liked Alan Dean Foster as a child/teen, but I haven't read any of his books in years so I don't know how they stack up for adults. I will say that most of the books I was wild about as a child are still fantastic today (I can tell what I saw in them then, and I still enjoy them) but I like to reread to be certain.









For example: As a child, I was a HUGE fan of Isaac Asimov. As an adult, I can appreciate his work but I really think he was a jerk.







I loved Larry Niven as a kid, but as an adult I thought he was a bit pretentious.







Heinlein has remained enjoyable for me, because I was introduced to him as "a product of his time." Through that lens, his work is still lots of fun for me.









Oh! Have you read Battlefield Earth? I know the movie was *wretched* but the book was really fantastic.









WOW! I am totally taking down notes on all these authors. I am such a book worm so I am REALLY excited. I was thinking of buying the fourth book in the Sword of Truth series but maybe I'll take a break from it and get Battlefield Earth.







Thanks for all the recommendations!


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
I also finally read _Twilight_, and I was pretty disappointed. Plus, I really can't get past the Mormon/Christian message of virginity/abstinence/good boy/bad girl . . . I Netflixed the movie because my colleague was raving about it, and I could NOT get into it. Robert Patterson is not cute to me at all, and the story still sucked.










Yeah the more I read the Twilight series, the more I realized it was horribly written and just a conduit for the author's personal belief(mormon). And I REFUSE to see the movie. Funny thing, Robert Pattinson has been filming his new movie, Remember Me, right outside my office building and the teen girls line up to catch a glimpse of him! He's not that cute! One day some girls actually breached security and bum rushed him! It's not that deep girls!


----------



## eilonwy

My 12 year old niece ChibiChibi has been on me to read Twilight. I told her I would after she'd read Interview With the Vampire.







Rice had her issues, but at least she was coherent and literate.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
My 12 year old niece ChibiChibi has been on me to read Twilight. I told her I would after she'd read Interview With the Vampire.







Rice had her issues, but at least she was coherent and literate.









I completely agree with you about Rice. _Interview_ is very good. _Lestat_---not so much, but I have read some of her other vapire novels (the names escape me right now) and really enjoyed them. She at least knows the value of a couple of well-placed adjectives and can really paint a scene. Plus, she does not dwell on agressive, chaste, elbow kissing and hair stroking.

I'll still keeping with _The Golden Compass_ , so I hope that it picks up soon! A friend of mine recommended the series, and I trust her judgement. So, I don't want to give up now!


----------



## rootzdawta

I had someone at a baby shower I run to practically run me over telling me how much I had to read Twilight. That's when I knew I most certainly would not. I don't know . . . if popular culture thinks it's great, I usually find that it's garbage. I may give it a try once the hoopla dies down.


----------



## Bloomingstar

yoooo, the writing in Twilight is pretty wretched, especially after reading Fledgling (Octavia Butler--and I know it would've been a series if she hadn't passed







)right before it. The second book really just aggravated me, but I am going to plow through anyway. The movie was ridiculous! I'm interested in the Mormon edge you all mentioned--I'll think on that as I continue.

People keep telling me to read the His Dark Materials series. I got a new library card so I may check it out. And Anne Rice's books are also on my list of things to read. And Rynna, I often want to go back and rad things I loved as a kid. For some reason Jude the Obscure cracked me up in high school, but I'm not sure I'll be going back to find out why


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey Wiksty, I am going to Baltimore on Saturday. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures and post them here for ya! I love that city







:

Oh yay! I've been gone for about a week from the post but I'm still excited to see the pics! Did I miss them?!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Im on an african-american literature kick this summer right now Im reading "Harlem Renaissance" by Nathan Irvin Huggins. Next books im tryna delve into are some W.E.B. DuBois books.

Oooh! I love AA Lit. I just finished a project with a press I interned for. I got to do the bibliography on a book being published next Spring on black intellectuals. It was a lot of fun and I learned a bunch too!

Welcome newmama8! I live in southern illinois, about 1 hour from STL.

And welcome to Jen too!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
I LOVED Spiritual Midwifery. I love all the hippies with their beards and long hair! And how everything is psychedelic during their labors! I enjoyed that book more than Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Reading both of her books really helped me stay positive about labor and childbirth. My doula forbade me from reading "What to expect when you're expecting". I am glad she did; it's very negative and just focuses on problems and what can go wrong.









These books got me through both of my natural births (my second was a home birth *smiles*) I try to steer all of my friends clear of What to Expect *pukes* and Parents magazine too for that matter!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Before I say anything, how can I tell my DH, in a nice way, that I think that he needs to be a better husband and provider?

I'm not (or I didn't used to be) much into the self-help relationship books, but after going through our separation and finding the core issues of our relationship explained so simply (but deeply) in "How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about it" I was amazed. That book helped me soooo much. I too was feeling alone, unprotected, ignored, unappreciated, etc. What I didn't realize though, was how his reactivity (anger, withdrawal) stemmed from his humiliation at being a "failure" to give me what I needed from him as a husband and father to our kids. Maybe your hubby is feeling shame too?

Oh, and Thanks AM, for posting that conditioner recipe again for...the woman who asked about it







I've been trying to get caught up on housework (took me two weeks, lol). Everything goes crazy when we take a trip to Chicago!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I wish I had known about these books during my first pregnancy







Sadly, What To Expect was my guide. Oh, and have a WONDERFUL time in Costa Rica and take plenty of pics.

Many, many







s to you *AM*. I can't advise you because what worked for me is letting my DH know that I no longer wanted to be married to him. It was drastic, but at the time I really was ready to walk out of the door. I'm happy to say that he has changed. He still slips up sometimes(we all do) when he does I find it helpful to write him a letter.

Jannah, sometimes I want to leave, but I have a feeling that if I left neither of us would look back. DH is a great person, and I truly believe that if he had a wife that wanted and required less he would be so much happier. This is not to say that I want the world, or that he wants someone with less passion or drive, but someone who would be happy with the basics that so many people spend their lives obtaining. Does that make sense. I often feel awful, because I inwardly berate him for not being who I think that he should be.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 

I'm not (or I didn't used to be) much into the self-help relationship books, but after going through our separation and finding the core issues of our relationship explained so simply (but deeply) in "How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about it" I was amazed. That book helped me soooo much. I too was feeling alone, unprotected, ignored, unappreciated, etc. What I didn't realize though, was how his reactivity (anger, withdrawal) stemmed from his humiliation at being a "failure" to give me what I needed from him as a husband and father to our kids. Maybe your hubby is feeling shame too?

Oh, and Thanks AM, for posting that conditioner recipe again for...the woman who asked about it







I've been trying to get caught up on housework (took me two weeks, lol). Everything goes crazy when we take a trip to Chicago!


I think that my husband feels the same, but he is good at hiding emotions so I don't know how he feels, and of course he will not verbalize his thoughts, so I am in the dark. I will look into purchasing the book. Hopefully B & N will email a 20% coupon next week!







:

I want to try an interactive counseling session, but he will not attend.

You are welcome! I might try the recipe this weekend. If I have time.


----------



## AndrewsMother

I have only read two non textbooks this year; The Road by Cormac McCarthy and Midnight by Sista Souljah.

I hate to admit it, but I don't like reading with a child and husband about. I am a read until I get tired reading and if you interrupt me I will loathe you for a period of time type person. So, I don't read much.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Oh yay! I've been gone for about a week from the post but I'm still excited to see the pics! Did I miss them?!


Here ya go. I apologize for the poor quality. I walked out and forgot my camera at home so these were taken with my cell phone. Still, I think you can see the beauty of the city. Ignore the random pics of my backyard. I couldn't figure out how to remove them from this album!

http://s185.photobucket.com/albums/x165/thatpurplegirl/


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I have only read two non textbooks this year; The Road by Cormac McCarthy and Midnight by Sista Souljah.

I hate to admit it, but I don't like reading with a child and husband about. I am a read until I get tired reading and if you interrupt me I will loathe you for a period of time type person. So, I don't read much.

I had too laugh because I am the same way, lets just say when I am deep into a book I tell dh to to dd to park...or else I am known for being on the toilet for 30 mins








. LOL


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Here ya go. I apologize for the poor quality. I walked out and forgot my camera at home so these were taken with my cell phone. Still, I think you can see the beauty of the city. Ignore the random pics of my backyard. I couldn't figure out how to remove them from this album!

http://s185.photobucket.com/albums/x165/thatpurplegirl/

Nice, but all I want to know is, What did you eat?????


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Nice, but all I want to know is, What did you eat?????

















We ate at The Rusty Scupper. I had crab bisque and then the shrimp platter. It was soooo good.

edited: BIG OPPS!!


----------



## eilonwy

I really hope it was _crab_ bisque rather than crap.


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I really hope it was _crab_ bisque rather than crap.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Oooh! I love AA Lit. I just finished a project with a press I interned for. I got to do the bibliography on a book being published next Spring on black intellectuals. It was a lot of fun and I learned a bunch too!

That is very cool, wiksty. I'm currently teaching a class on Contemporary Af-Am lit, and I am enjoying rereading the material.

Can I just laugh for a moment at some personal irony? So, at first, I told DH that I wanted to wait to TTC #1 so that the babe would be born after the spring 2010 semester is over. Then, he convinced me (as did you ladies) that we shouldn't wait. Well, that was two months ago, and he (who never travels for work) has had to TRAVEL for work for the past two months during the week that I am ovulating! Now this month rolls around, and guess what . . . he'll be out of town next week when I'm ovulating--again! So now the really funny thing is that if I get pregnant in August, guess when then baby will be due . . . after the spring 2010 semester!

I think the universe is trying to tell me something . . .


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I really hope it was _crab_ bisque rather than crap.

















I am sooo tired!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
That is very cool, wiksty. I'm currently teaching a class on Contemporary Af-Am lit, and I am enjoying rereading the material.

Can I just laugh for a moment at some personal irony? So, at first, I told DH that I wanted to wait to TTC #1 so that the babe would be born after the spring 2010 semester is over. Then, he convinced me (as did you ladies) that we shouldn't wait. Well, that was two months ago, and he (who never travels for work) has had to TRAVEL for work for the past two months during the week that I am ovulating! Now this month rolls around, and guess what . . . he'll be out of town next week when I'm ovulating--again! So now the really funny thing is that if I get pregnant in August, guess when then baby will be due . . . after the spring 2010 semester!

I think the universe is trying to tell me something . . .

DS was an August conception, but was born April 28! I am so glad that I did not begin scholl until the following year! Babies conceived in August/September are the best. No pregnancy during the summer!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Jannah, sometimes I want to leave, but I have a feeling that if I left neither of us would look back. DH is a great person, and I truly believe that if he had a wife that wanted and required less he would be so much happier. This is not to say that I want the world, or that he wants someone with less passion or drive, but someone who would be happy with the basics that so many people spend their lives obtaining. Does that make sense. I often feel awful, because I inwardly berate him for not being who I think that he should be.

I think that my husband feels the same, but he is good at hiding emotions so I don't know how he feels, and of course he will not verbalize his thoughts, so I am in the dark. I will look into purchasing the book. Hopefully B & N will email a 20% coupon next week!







:

I want to try an interactive counseling session, but he will not attend.

You are welcome! I might try the recipe this weekend. If I have time.

My husband is the same way (and from your self description we are a lot alike as well)! I didn't know (until reading the wonderful book) how to get through to him without making things worse. While we were separated I told him that he had to read it before he came home (or at least the first 50 pages). He bought it, read about 100 pages, lol, but changed so much I cannot believe he was only gone 37 days. I still haven't finished it (I gave birth to our second child 15 days after his return), but I have benefitted greatly and plan to finish soon. I def. think you should give it a look at least.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Here ya go. I apologize for the poor quality. I walked out and forgot my camera at home so these were taken with my cell phone. Still, I think you can see the beauty of the city. Ignore the random pics of my backyard. I couldn't figure out how to remove them from this album!

http://s185.photobucket.com/albums/x165/thatpurplegirl/

That's your backyard?! Okay...I'm coming over









The pics of Baltimore were pretty too









Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I had too laugh because I am the same way, lets just say when I am deep into a book I tell dh to to dd to park...or else I am known for being on the toilet for 30 mins







. LOL

I need to learn that one...stash my summer reading in the bathroom bins!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
That is very cool, wiksty. I'm currently teaching a class on Contemporary Af-Am lit, and I am enjoying rereading the material.

WOW! That must be a ton of fun







I'm taking a pedagogy course upon getting to UBalt so that I can teach freshman lit and such. How long have you been teaching?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
DS was an August conception, but was born April 28! I am so glad that I did not begin scholl until the following year! Babies conceived in August/September are the best. No pregnancy during the summer!

My daughters were born in July and end of March!!! I was hot and heavy.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I really hope it was _crab_ bisque rather than crap.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
WOW! That must be a ton of fun







I'm taking a pedagogy course upon getting to UBalt so that I can teach freshman lit and such. How long have you been teaching?

FOREVER! It seems crazy if I think about it. I've been teaching for 14 years. I started as a fresh-faced, first year grad student. I graduated from college in May and was in front of my own freshman comp class acting like I was teaching them something in August. I was 22; it was scary.









Nowadays, the job is a lot of fun (most of the time). Grading papers, however? Not so fun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother*: DS was an August conception, but was born April 28! I am so glad that I did not begin scholl until the following year! Babies conceived in August/September are the best. No pregnancy during the summer!
According to one of those pregnancy calculators, if I get pregnant in August and go to term, the due date is May 15th. Then end of April would be fine as well. We don't finish the semester until the first week in May, but by April we are wrapping up and a sub would be easy to get. Of course, if I don't get pregnant right away, that's ok, too! It would be nice, however, to not have to suffer through the summer heat while pregnant.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
My husband is the same way (and from your self description we are a lot alike as well)! I didn't know (until reading the wonderful book) how to get through to him without making things worse. While we were separated I told him that he had to read it before he came home (or at least the first 50 pages). He bought it, read about 100 pages, lol, but changed so much I cannot believe he was only gone 37 days. I still haven't finished it (I gave birth to our second child 15 days after his return), but I have benefitted greatly and plan to finish soon. I def. think you should give it a look at least.

*
That's your backyard?! Okay...I'm coming over*









The pics of Baltimore were pretty too









I need to learn that one...stash my summer reading in the bathroom bins!

WOW! That must be a ton of fun







I'm taking a pedagogy course upon getting to UBalt so that I can teach freshman lit and such. How long have you been teaching?

My daughters were born in July and end of March!!! I was hot and heavy.

You are so welcome to come any time, especially when you move to Bmore







!! However, I must admit I don't go out there often. Once I saw what lurked out there, it lost its charm


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
It would be nice, however, to not have to suffer through the summer heat while pregnant.

Well, at least the upside is not having to wear too many layers. These days when I do venture outside, it's in as few clothes as possible (within decency laws of course







).

Quote:

Originally Posted by purplegirl
Here ya go. I apologize for the poor quality. I walked out and forgot my camera at home so these were taken with my cell phone. Still, I think you can see the beauty of the city. Ignore the random pics of my backyard. I couldn't figure out how to remove them from this album!
Don't apologize, your backyard is NICE!


----------



## wiksty

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
You are so welcome to come any time, especially when you move to Bmore







!! However, I must admit I don't go out there often. Once I saw what lurked out there, it lost its charm
















I'm totally going to take you up on that offer









But...what made charm city so unappealing to you? I've gotta know... *nervous*


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
I'm totally going to take you up on that offer









But...what made charm city so unappealing to you? I've gotta know... *nervous*


You are welcomed any time, seriously! I am only 60 minutes, at the most, from B-more. I've never lived in Charm City. When I met my man, he lived an hour south of the city and it was a central place for us to meet. It turned out, it was simpler for him to move this way vs me moving because of my private practice. I simply could not fathom the thought of re-establishing myself in another city. Both of us love Baltimore and visit as often as possible. In fact, I think we're going down next Saturday







: I really want to go to the aquarium again!!!


----------



## bajamergrrl

I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.


----------



## kimiij

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.

Congratulations!!!


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.









:







:







:







:







:

CONGRATULATIONS MAMA!!!! YOU DID IT!!!


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.

Congratulations!!!!


----------



## AndrewsMother

to the world baby boy!!!!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.

Wow







: Congratulations mama!!


----------



## futurmama8

baby boy!! Congrats







: enjoy your babymoon!!!

I think now that we know there's a baby we have to see pics







.


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.









*!WELCOME TO THE TRIBE LITTLE ONE!







*

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.









: Many congratulations!!!


----------



## JustKiya

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.

Oh, congrats!!!!







:







:







:







:







:

Welcome earthside, little one!! Welcome to mamahood, bajamergrrl!!!







:







:


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
I birthed a little boy this morning.

6 lb 6 oz, 20 inches long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Will post more later when I can keep my eyes open longer....so tired but joyful.









:







:







: CONGRATULATIONS on your baby boy


----------



## Jannah6

Ok, so there was talk about the withdrawal method on this thread. I can't remember if I responded in that conversation. Anyway, after Safiyyah's birth DH and I started using withdrawal.

Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse? I ask because I'm ovulating and there was a deposit(YUCK) left right on the doorstep







I didn't tell DH because I don't want to worry him, especially if there is nothing to worry about. I've heard about that those little swimmers can swim from the outside in, so I'm a little worried. Has anyone known anyone that got pregnant in this way?

I'm such a dope







:. I need to call my OB and get my tubes tied.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ok, so there was talk about the withdrawal method on this thread. I can't remember if I responded in that conversation. Anyway, after Safiyyah's birth DH and I started using withdrawal.

Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse? I ask because I'm ovulating and there was a deposit(YUCK) left right on the doorstep







I didn't tell DH because I don't want to worry him, especially if there is nothing to worry about. I've heard about that those little swimmers can swim from the outside in, so I'm a little worried. Has anyone known anyone that got pregnant in this way?

I'm such a dope







:. I need to call my OB and get my tubes tied.

Of course we have intercourse, otherwise we would not have to use the method!!! DH and I now only have relations about 2 to 4 times a month, but it is always around the time of ovulation or before menses. It is funny that he wants to have sexual relations when I am most fertile.







I have had a few doorstep deposits and those did not result in a pregnancy. Are you opposed to the morning after pill?


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Of course we have intercourse, otherwise we would not have to use the method!!! DH and I now only have relations about 2 to 4 times a month, but it is always around the time of ovulation or before menses. It is funny that he wants to have sexual relations when I am most fertile.







I have had a few doorstep deposits and those did not result in a pregnancy. Are you opposed to the morning after pill?

I haven't even gotten past this point "Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse?"







because I'm too busy laughing.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Of course we have intercourse, otherwise we would not have to use the method!!! DH and I now only have relations about 2 to 4 times a month, but it is always around the time of ovulation or before menses. It is funny that he wants to have sexual relations when I am most fertile.







I have had a few doorstep deposits and those did not result in a pregnancy. Are you opposed to the morning after pill?

I called my Dr office, but they left me on hold for so long







: I'm not opposed to the morning after pill in some cases. In my case having a baby anytime soon poses a health risk, so....

Your DH may be reacting to signals that you are sending him when you are ovulating. When I'm ovulating I am a different woman, my husband actually pointed this out to me


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse? I ask because I'm ovulating and there was a deposit(YUCK) left right on the doorstep







I didn't tell DH because I don't want to worry him, especially if there is nothing to worry about. I've heard about that those little swimmers can swim from the outside in, so I'm a little worried. Has anyone known anyone that got pregnant in this way?

I'm such a dope







:. I need to call my OB and get my tubes tied.

I have heard of people getting pregnant this way, but it requires incredibly strong swimmers and, er... good aim.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
It is funny that he wants to have sexual relations when I am most fertile.









This is actually really really logical. When we're fertile, hormones and pheremones come pouring off of our bodies, and of course the menfolk go crazy.







I tell guys all the time-- if I seem inexplicably hot, unbelievably sexy given the givens, I'm probably fertile and they should back the heck up.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I haven't even gotten past this point "Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse?"







because I'm too busy laughing.

I think it's really ironic that this statement is reasonable, but "innuendo" isn't acceptable at MDC.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ok, so there was talk about the withdrawal method on this thread. I can't remember if I responded in that conversation. Anyway, after Safiyyah's birth DH and I started using withdrawal.

Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse? I ask because I'm ovulating and there was a deposit(YUCK) left right on the doorstep







I didn't tell DH because I don't want to worry him, especially if there is nothing to worry about. I've heard about that those little swimmers can swim from the outside in, so I'm a little worried. Has anyone known anyone that got pregnant in this way?

I'm such a dope







:. I need to call my OB and get my tubes tied.


Yes, you can get pregnant that way...like AndrewsMother suggested if you are not morally or ethically opposed to it, you may want to consider the morning after pill.

Yeah, the way you phrased that question did make me chuckle just a bit.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ok, so there was talk about the withdrawal method on this thread. I can't remember if I responded in that conversation. Anyway, after Safiyyah's birth DH and I started using withdrawal.

*Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse?* I ask because I'm ovulating and there was a deposit(YUCK) left right on the doorstep







I didn't tell DH because I don't want to worry him, especially if there is nothing to worry about. I've heard about that those little swimmers can swim from the outside in, so I'm a little worried. Has anyone known anyone that got pregnant in this way?

I'm such a dope







:. I need to call my OB and get my tubes tied.









:


----------



## bajamergrrl

Many thanks for the well-wishes, ladies. I'm still working on my birth story but I posted a couple of pics in my MDC album. I got the homebirth I wanted, albeit at my midwife's house. It was tough at times but well worth it.

Good luck, Jannah6. Your phrasing was classic.


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Many thanks for the well-wishes, ladies. I'm still working on my birth story but I posted a couple of pics in my MDC album. I got the homebirth I wanted, albeit at my midwife's house. It was tough at times but well worth it.

He is adorable! And the picture of you and the baby is priceless! Congratulations Mama! Happy Baby Moon!







:
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I haven't even gotten past this point "Do you ladies who use withdrawal have intercourse?"







because I'm too busy laughing.

I am just now finished wiping down the computer screen...Note to self: Remember to not drink liquids while checking WOC thread!
















Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Many thanks for the well-wishes, ladies. I'm still working on my birth story but I posted a couple of pics in my MDC album. I got the homebirth I wanted, albeit at my midwife's house. It was tough at times but well worth it.

Good luck, Jannah6. Your phrasing was classic.

I just saw your pictures. Both of you are gorgeous







congrats again mama. You're amazing!!


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I just saw your pictures. Both of you are gorgeous







congrats again mama. You're amazing!!

I so totally agree.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
I am just now finished wiping down the computer screen...Note to self: Remember to not drink liquids while checking WOC thread!
















Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:









, I love it when I have a good laugh. DH just asked me why am I so smiley, am I talking about him


----------



## Jannah6

*bajamergrrl*, congratulations again. The closeup pic of Ethan is so cute, his lips are so sweet







. The pic of the two of you together is priceless, you look at peace. Happy Babymoon







:.


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*bajamergrrl*, congratulations again. The closeup pic of Ethan is so cute, his lips are so sweet







. The pic of the two of you together is priceless, you look at peace. Happy Babymoon







:.

word.


----------



## futurmama8

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*bajamergrrl*, congratulations again. The closeup pic of Ethan is so cute, his lips are so sweet







. The pic of the two of you together is priceless, you look at peace. Happy Babymoon







:.









both of you are very beautiful. Enjoy


----------



## bkmami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Many thanks for the well-wishes, ladies. I'm still working on my birth story but I posted a couple of pics in my MDC album. I got the homebirth I wanted, albeit at my midwife's house. It was tough at times but well worth it.









: Congrats!! Happy babymoon!


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Many thanks for the well-wishes, ladies. I'm still working on my birth story but I posted a couple of pics in my MDC album. I got the homebirth I wanted, albeit at my midwife's house. It was tough at times but well worth it.

Good luck, Jannah6. Your phrasing was classic.

Aww, bajamergrrl, you look SO blissed out! Lovely! Congrats again!


----------



## bkmami

Just got back from the library with a copy of Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler!
Thanks for talking about it earlier in the thread. I have been wanting to read something new and vampire that didn't involve Bella.


----------



## eilonwy

I don't do this often, but as we were just discussing books here I was hoping to get some advice from one (or more) of you wise ladies? I'm really at a bit of a loss.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I don't do this often, but as we were just discussing books here I was hoping to get some advice from one (or more) of you wise ladies? I'm really at a bit of a loss.









Just because he is able to read the material, does not mean that he should read it. Even as an Adult, I steer clear of material that is not consistent with my beliefs.

When he is older an able to process the information with out causing any tppe of mental anguish allow him to read the book.

You know your childbest.

I remember watching Poltergeist at a young age and I LOVED the movie, so much so that I watched it everyday if I could. My parents did not object, but I do remember their friends questioning why I was allowed to watch such a movie.


----------



## butterflyladyof2

Hi!

I want to introduce myself. I just noticed this thread and got very excited. My name is Angela, living in Colorado, moved from San Diego,Ca 2 yrs ago. I have 3 kids, (Kieran 6yr in Sep., Jadian 3yr in Aug., and Sasha 2mnths)
I am bi-racial (African American, German, and Native American, with a little french in there) My husband is from Ireland( with a little spanish).

I am not on the chat room very much these days because of my wonderful newbie, but love to keep intouch every once in awhile.

Just wanted to say hey, and see where everyone resides.
I also had a question if anyone lives in Mass.
We are looking to move to Mass. in the near future but do not know where would be a good place. We are particularly interested in a diverse area, safe, good schools, and non congested with buildings.
We are visiting next week so we were hoping to check out the area alittle. Any suggestions?

Thanks, look forward to chatting!
Angela O







:


----------



## Jannah6

elcome Angela

I'm in NYC. Have you checked out the Mass tribal area for tips?


----------



## butterflyladyof2

I have, and have recieved some great opinions.

I have not recieved one though where it sounds even close to a right fit, and we can not drive to every place so I am hoping for a suggestion that really hits home.

When we moved to Colorado, it was a pretty blind move. We were hoping to live in Boulder, but ended up in Erie, which is not ideal for us, though nice.
This move was suppose to be a 2 yr thing and then on to Boston, but with the economy and soforth we will probably be here another year or two.

My point I guess is that I do not want to make another blind move and land in an area that is not diverse enough economically and ethnically. I knew this when I moved but it was suppose to be temperary, and since my children are so young I was not very concerned.
However, now I am really regretting it because my oldest is well.. I will continue in a moment. My 2 month just awoke and is crying and hungry.

Angela


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *butterflyladyof2* 
Hi!

I want to introduce myself. I just noticed this thread and got very excited. My name is Angela, living in Colorado, moved from San Diego,Ca 2 yrs ago. I have 3 kids, (Kieran 6yr in Sep., Jadian 3yr in Aug., and Sasha 2mnths)
I am bi-racial (African American, German, and Native American, with a little french in there) My husband is from Ireland( with a little spanish).

I am not on the chat room very much these days because of my wonderful newbie, but love to keep intouch every once in awhile.

Just wanted to say hey, and see where everyone resides.
I also had a question if anyone lives in Mass.
We are looking to move to Mass. in the near future but do not know where would be a good place. We are particularly interested in a diverse area, safe, good schools, and non congested with buildings.
We are visiting next week so we were hoping to check out the area alittle. Any suggestions?

Thanks, look forward to chatting!
Angela O







:


Quote:


Originally Posted by *butterflyladyof2* 
I have, and have recieved some great opinions.

I have not recieved one though where it sounds even close to a right fit, and we can not drive to every place so I am hoping for a suggestion that really hits home.

When we moved to Colorado, it was a pretty blind move. We were hoping to live in Boulder, but ended up in Erie, which is not ideal for us, though nice.
This move was suppose to be a 2 yr thing and then on to Boston, but with the economy and soforth we will probably be here another year or two.

My point I guess is that I do not want to make another blind move and land in an area that is not diverse enough economically and ethnically. I knew this when I moved but it was suppose to be temperary, and since my children are so young I was not very concerned.
However, now I am really regretting it because my oldest is well.. I will continue in a moment. My 2 month just awoke and is crying and hungry.

Angela

Welcome!







: I looked at moving to Boston 7-8 years ago when I needed to relocate to New England because for family reasons. I ended up in Maine though for a number of reasons but did a lot of research on Boston.

The number one reason that we decided against Boston was cost, housing was sky high at that time. Maybe with the downturn costs have come down but then living in Boston was comparable to looking at NYC and since my dh is a journalist and I work in social services it was just a bad idea...that said I now wish we would have chosen Boston. It is diverse though racism can be an issue depending on where you land.

I have had good friends who went to school in MA and felt that it was a hard place to live as a WOC, though depending on what you are used to it, it may not be that bad.

Biggest advice I would give is try to spend some time in MA before you move there and get a good feel before you make the committment. After 7 years in Maine, MA looks good to me now...I also know an IR couple who had lived here in Maine who just moved to MA and they love it. Funny thing is when i looking at MA when I lived in Chicago it was sorta so-so then.

Also ask around in the tribal area here at MDC for specific recommendations.

Shay


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *butterflyladyof2* 
Hi!

I want to introduce myself. I just noticed this thread and got very excited. My name is Angela, living in Colorado, moved from San Diego,Ca 2 yrs ago. I have 3 kids, (Kieran 6yr in Sep., Jadian 3yr in Aug., and Sasha 2mnths)
I am bi-racial (African American, German, and Native American, with a little french in there) My husband is from Ireland( with a little spanish).

I am not on the chat room very much these days because of my wonderful newbie, but love to keep intouch every once in awhile.

Just wanted to say hey, and see where everyone resides.
I also had a question if anyone lives in Mass.
We are looking to move to Mass. in the near future but do not know where would be a good place. We are particularly interested in a diverse area, safe, good schools, and non congested with buildings.
We are visiting next week so we were hoping to check out the area alittle. Any suggestions?

Thanks, look forward to chatting!
Angela O







:

Welcome Angela. I have never lived in Mass but spent a great deal of time in Boston. I liked visiting but found it to be expensive, racist (as evidenced by recent news events) and isolating. My friends who lived there felt likewise. There are some pluses--it is very cosmopolitian, lots of cultural stuff, awesome restaurants,great schools and convenient to NYC. Good luck and I agree it is a good idea to talk to folks over in the tribal areas.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *butterflyladyof2* 
I have, and have recieved some great opinions.

I have not recieved one though where it sounds even close to a right fit, and we can not drive to every place so I am hoping for a suggestion that really hits home.

When we moved to Colorado, it was a pretty blind move. We were hoping to live in Boulder, but ended up in Erie, which is not ideal for us, though nice.
This move was suppose to be a 2 yr thing and then on to Boston, but with the economy and soforth we will probably be here another year or two.

My point I guess is that I do not want to make another blind move and land in an area that is not diverse enough economically and ethnically. I knew this when I moved but it was suppose to be temperary, and since my children are so young I was not very concerned.
However, now I am really regretting it because my oldest is well.. I will continue in a moment. My 2 month just awoke and is crying and hungry.

Angela

Welcome, Angela!

Unfortunately, I have to agree with my fellow sistas and give the thumbs down to Boston. My brother, aunt, uncle, and cousins live there, and I have been there quite a bit. For the supposed "seat of liberty" and birthplace of the revolution and what not, it is incredibly racist and closed-minded. My brother has had such horrible racist things said to his face that I am really suprised that he still lives there. DH and I once went there together and went out to eat at a nice seafood restaurant down by the water. We realized after being seated that we were the *only* black people in the entire restaurant! And this was no small establishment. The restaurant was *huge* and probably had hundreds of people dining at the time. We even joked that there were not even any black busboys!

The other thing that you need to research as you decide where to move is issues of class as well as race. From what I understand, while there are (of course) black people living in Boston, the majority of them are poor/working class. There is a very small middle class and even smaller upper middle class black population living in Boston. So, if class issues are also important to you, this is something to keep in mind. Good luck! Are there any other cities you are contemplating?


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Welcome, Angela!

Unfortunately, I have to agree with my fellow sistas and give the thumbs down to Boston. My brother, aunt, uncle, and cousins live there, and I have been there quite a bit. For the supposed "seat of liberty" and birthplace of the revolution and what not, it is incredibly racist and closed-minded. My brother has had such horrible racist things said to his face that I am really suprised that he still lives there. DH and I once went there together and went out to eat at a nice seafood restaurant down by the water. We realized after being seated that we were the *only* black people in the entire restaurant! And this was no small establishment. The restaurant was *huge* and probably had hundreds of people dining at the time. We even joked that there were not even any black busboys!

The other thing that you need to research as you decide where to move is issues of class as well as race. From what I understand, while there are (of course) black people living in Boston, the majority of them are poor/working class. There is a very small middle class and even smaller upper middle class black population living in Boston. So, if class issues are also important to you, this is something to keep in mind. Good luck! Are there any other cities you are contemplating?

This sums up many of my travels in Boston, where I went to get my hair done was in the hood. It was interesting because I would get on the T from downtown and there was literally a point where the train would go from being mixed and then it was like bam.. things changed.

I never encoutered any blantant racism in my travels in Boston but I did get some hard stares in certain places and even with some Black folks there were elements of classism at play.

Flipside though is like I said early if you are used to living in a place with little to no culture or folks of different races than Boston could be nice.

Shay


----------



## AndrewsMother

Welcome Angela!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
We realized after being seated that we were the *only* black people in the entire restaurant! And this was no small establishment. The restaurant was *huge* and probably had hundreds of people dining at the time. We even joked that there were not even any black busboys!


Sorin, I know that you all are discussing Boston, but that describes my dining experiences in Houston. I have also had quite a few moments like that in Atlanta as well.


----------



## Jannah6

Ladies, I'm so upset that I can't sleep. DH and I had a talk today and he'll be leaving his job this month so he can focus on the establishment of his business. Which means that my DC won't be returning to their private school. Which means that I have to start looking for a good public school NOW. To top it off, we may also have to move. This is too much for me to handle, I've been crying so much. I can't even think right now, let alone look for a decent school.
I know that there are some teachers in this tribe, please help me. So far I've found some information, but it's like I'm stuck in quick sand. I don't want to have to face putting my DC in another school. It's not that I don't think that there are good public schools out there. It won't be easy getting 3 children into a good school. This is being sprung on me all of a sudden and I feel like I have absolutely NO control over anything right now.
Lord give me the strength to deal with this because I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Talking to the H is not helping any. I really could kick his @** for putting me through this. Not to mention the children. It's not going to be easy for them having to start a new school. Let me stop now because I'm bawling.

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?s=1&a=96


----------



## Stirringupthegifts

Greetings Sis,

I am new to the group...just joining this morning. Have you ever considered home schooling? If that is a no go, would your husband be open to giving your at least 3-6 months to at least try see if you can salvage the situation?

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Blessings,

Imani

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ladies, I'm so upset that I can't sleep. DH and I had a talk today and he'll be leaving his job this month so he can focus on the establishment of his business. Which means that my DC won't be returning to their private school. Which means that I have to start looking for a good public school NOW. To top it off, we may also have to move. This is too much for me to handle, I've been crying so much. I can't even think right now, let alone look for a decent school.
I know that there are some teachers in this tribe, please help me. So far I've found some information, but it's like I'm stuck in quick sand. I don't want to have to face putting my DC in another school. It's not that I don't think that there are good public schools out there. It won't be easy getting 3 children into a good school. This is being sprung on me all of a sudden and I feel like I have absolutely NO control over anything right now.
Lord give me the strength to deal with this because I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Talking to the H is not helping any. I really could kick his @** for putting me through this. Not to mention the children. It's not going to be easy for them having to start a new school. Let me stop now because I'm bawling.

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?s=1&a=96


----------



## Stirringupthegifts

Hello,








:Great group! I just wanted to introduce myself.







:

My name is Imani and I am a blessed wife and SAH home schooling mama of 4 with #5 due this fall. Our family is a mixture of the world (pictures coming soon). I love being with my family and fulfilling my divine purpose of ushering women to live their life purpose and the life they were meant to live. If there are any women within this group who ever wanted to fulfill every dream and make every vision come true, but didn't know where to start or how to make it happen? I have an answer... I am offering a coaching membership (1) month free coaching until July 31.

Every Blessing,

Imani


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ladies, I'm so upset that I can't sleep. DH and I had a talk today and he'll be leaving his job this month so he can focus on the establishment of his business. Which means that my DC won't be returning to their private school. Which means that I have to start looking for a good public school NOW. To top it off, we may also have to move. This is too much for me to handle, I've been crying so much. I can't even think right now, let alone look for a decent school.
I know that there are some teachers in this tribe, please help me. So far I've found some information, but it's like I'm stuck in quick sand. I don't want to have to face putting my DC in another school. It's not that I don't think that there are good public schools out there. It won't be easy getting 3 children into a good school. This is being sprung on me all of a sudden and I feel like I have absolutely NO control over anything right now.
Lord give me the strength to deal with this because I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Talking to the H is not helping any. I really could kick his @** for putting me through this. Not to mention the children. It's not going to be easy for them having to start a new school. Let me stop now because I'm bawling.

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?s=1&a=96

Oh my honey, I am so sorry you are going through this. Does your dh realize how challenging it is going to be in starting his own business? I wonder if he has considered maintaining full time employment until he assesses how successful his venture will be. Stay strong; somehow things always seem to work out.







I also suggest considering homeschooling. I'm not sure how practical this is for you but certainly a consideration.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stirringupthegifts* 
Hello,








:Great group! I just wanted to introduce myself.







:

My name is Imani and I am a blessed wife and SAH home schooling mama of 4 with #5 due this fall. Our family is a mixture of the world (pictures coming soon). I love being with my family and fulfilling my divine purpose of ushering women to live their life purpose and the life they were meant to live. If there are any women within this group who ever wanted to fulfill every dream and make every vision come true, but didn't know where to start or how to make it happen? I have an answer... I am offering a coaching membership (1) month free coaching until July 31.

Every Blessing,

Imani









Welcome Imani


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stirringupthegifts* 
Greetings Sis,

I am new to the group...just joining this morning. Have you ever considered home schooling? If that is a no go, would your husband be open to giving your at least 3-6 months to at least try see if you can salvage the situation?

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Blessings,

Imani

*WELCOME Imani*

I have consideredhomeschooling, but I really don't think I'll be able to handle it. I have an 8 yr old with ADHD and my two youngest are 22 months and 6 months. So it would be really difficult for me.
The 3 to 6 months is not doable because there would be a conflict of interest if he stayed on his job.

*purplegirl*, thank you so much. Apparently he has considered everything, except having to pull our DC out of their school.
I don't know. Maybe I can look into unschooling







It's all just so fresh right now and I really don't know what to do.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Jannah, wow! I know just how much it means to you for your children to attend private school. I know that you don't have many more hours left to complete your degree, so would it be possible for you to finish by next year and find a teaching job?

If so, maybe you could take out a private school loan to get you through this school year. Knowing the type of school that your children currently attend, I would have hysterics at the thought of my children leaving that environment for any public school.

If you can get thourgh this school year, maybe you could find private schools that offer scholarships, but I have heard that the competition is fierce in the NYC area.


----------



## Jannah6

*NAK* AM, thank you for the feedback. I plan on returning to school in Jan 2010, when Safiyyah is a year old. As far as loans are concerned, it's not an option. I still have a huge school loan that I need to pay off.
I just finished talking to my aunt and she said that she can give 1,000. My plan is to only send the 8 and 6 3/4 yr olds to school and keep the 5 yr old home. So, we'll need 2,000 more







. The next installment will be in November. Hopefully we'll be able to have some money from the business. Or am I just dreaming??? Should I go the public school route? Homeschooling is looking very promising right now. Oh to be a kid again.


----------



## eilonwy

Jannah, I understand your distress. Even if you were just talking about moving from one public school to another, there'd be a huge shift for your kids.









I'd probably be considering homeschooling in your situation, but I can't be certain as I have a deep, abiding distrust of private schools in general.







I'm told that it's a real PITA to homeschool in New York, but I live in Pennsylvania (second only to New York in the number of homeschooling laws on the books) and LOADS of people homeschool here. I can't imagine a better place to be than New York City if you wanted to take a year off and just explore, though. There must be hundreds of things to do, thousands even.







I bet you guys could have a blast and learn tons if you pulled the kids out of school entirely for a year and just broke your year into unit studies on the five boroughs. (Can you tell that I've fantasized about this a little?







)

On the other side, you and your husband should probably have a discussion about the school thing. A man with six children cannot make decisions that impact the entire family to this extent without any discussion at all-- he's really jumped off the boat and left all of you to sink or swim on your own, and that's not cool.







Wait until you're feeling calm and rational, and then lay it all on the line. It was very unfair of him to put you all into this position in the first place.


----------



## Jannah6

*eilonwy*, I agree 100% with what you said about my H . Thank you for this post. I like your homeschooling idea. Right now my aunt is looking into a cheaper Muslim school. It would not be my first choice because they don't have an Arabic program, but it's a small setting and my oldest DS goes there. If this doesn't work out I'm going to look into homeschooling. My husband isn't on board for homeschooling, but he's left me no choice.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*NAK* AM, thank you for the feedback. I plan on returning to school in Jan 2010, when Safiyyah is a year old. As far as loans are concerned, it's not an option. I still have a huge school loan that I need to pay off.
I just finished talking to my aunt and she said that she can give 1,000. My plan is to only send the 8 and 6 3/4 yr olds to school and keep the 5 yr old home. So, we'll need 2,000 more







. The next installment will be in November. Hopefully we'll be able to have some money from the business. Or am I just dreaming??? Should I go the public school route? Homeschooling is looking very promising right now. Oh to be a kid again.

If homeschooling is your only option, I guess that you should go with it. I have friends who homeschool or who want to homeschool and I support them in their decisions, but it is not something that I would do myself or advocate to others. Unless, that was their only option. At the same time, I would never suggest public school to a parent with high religious or moral standards.

Could you work nights or late evenings or early morning? Anything that would allow you to remain home with the babies during the day and then earn $600 to $700 a month, which you could easily do part time. Yes, it might be a strain, but I don't think that you will rest mentally with your children in public school.

I would rather no sleep much for a few months but have peace of mind.


----------



## Bloomingstar

ugh! I hope the 2 gs appear somewhere for you Jannah! I know a couple folks whose kids go to this school but I am more than sure it's full for the year. If you have to homeschool for a year and then try for a public school, maybe this one is decent? they seem to like it for their kids.

good luck with your conversation.


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you Bloomingstar. I really appreciate it.

*ETA:* The link is not working for me.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Ladies, I'm so upset that I can't sleep. DH and I had a talk today and he'll be leaving his job this month so he can focus on the establishment of his business. Which means that my DC won't be returning to their private school. Which means that I have to start looking for a good public school NOW. To top it off, we may also have to move. This is too much for me to handle, I've been crying so much. I can't even think right now, let alone look for a decent school.
I know that there are some teachers in this tribe, please help me. So far I've found some information, but it's like I'm stuck in quick sand. I don't want to have to face putting my DC in another school. It's not that I don't think that there are good public schools out there. It won't be easy getting 3 children into a good school. This is being sprung on me all of a sudden and I feel like I have absolutely NO control over anything right now.
Lord give me the strength to deal with this because I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Talking to the H is not helping any. I really could kick his @** for putting me through this. Not to mention the children. It's not going to be easy for them having to start a new school. Let me stop now because I'm bawling.

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?

http://insideschools.org/index12.php?s=1&a=96


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*NAK* AM, thank you for the feedback. I plan on returning to school in Jan 2010, when Safiyyah is a year old. As far as loans are concerned, it's not an option. I still have a huge school loan that I need to pay off.
I just finished talking to my aunt and she said that she can give 1,000. My plan is to only send the 8 and 6 3/4 yr olds to school and keep the 5 yr old home. So, we'll need 2,000 more







. The next installment will be in November. Hopefully we'll be able to have some money from the business. Or am I just dreaming??? Should I go the public school route? Homeschooling is looking very promising right now. Oh to be a kid again.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this...I will be honest if my dh sprung this one me, he would probably be dodging a flying glass. I hope I am not overstepping here but IMO its not cool to make these types of decisions without some dicussion...

That said, can he come up with the money to keep the kids in their schools or flip some burgers nights and weekends. Maybe you can agree that if he does that it would be better for getting your acceptabce as far as his becoming self employed.

My dh is self employed and has been for years and this is a rough economy to be self employed in especially where you are a SAHMso there is no back up income until things are up and running.

You are in my thoughts...

Shay


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Thank you Bloomingstar. I really appreciate it.

*ETA:* The link is not working for me.

sorry bout that! communityroots.org


----------



## Jannah6

Shay, you are definitely not overstepping any bounds here. You are 100% right. He's looking for a building Super position, but we'll see if anything comes his way.

My aunt spoke with the principal at my oldest DS school and was able to get the run down on tuition. The tuition is very doable, but I still have some reservations. I have a lot to think about, but not a lot of time. I just wish that I could crawl under a rock.


----------



## purplegirl

Jannah, please tell him that self employment is no joke. It requires lots of work and anxiety that one can't imagine until you do it. I have been mostly self employed for the past 11 years. Some days I hate it and long for a regular 9-5 gig. Suggest that he talk to someone who is self employed so he has a realistic perspective.


----------



## Jannah6

^ ^ That's an excellent idea. I would suggest this to him if I thought that it would be helpful. He works very closely with his boss and sees the anxiety that he goes through, but somehow my DH has determined that it's his bosses personality. At this point the business is already established, so there's no turning back now.
*
ETA*: The end or beginning(depends on how you're looking at it) is that I've decided to homeschool. Wish me luck.


----------



## Bloomingstar

Good luck with homeschooling! Keep us posted









Whatever happened with the letter (someone? Rootz, maybe?) sent to the library?

For all the BK or general NYC area folks, there's a World Breastfeeding Week event on August 7th (next Friday). If you PM me I can send you the full email with the flyer but the basic info is that there's the annual ride on the A train from the Bronx to Nostrand Ave. in Brooklyn, and then there a walk/march to Restoration Plaza where there's a celebration event from 1 to 3:30. But the BK people are meeting before that for our own Brooklyn walk thingey and then meeting up with the train people. The lactation consultant at the Baby & Me group I go to sent me an email with more coherent info







I'll be there and I'd love to meet up with some of you if you can make it!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
^ ^ That's an excellent idea. I would suggest this to him if I thought that it would be helpful. He works very closely with his boss and sees the anxiety that he goes through, but somehow my DH has determined that it's his bosses personality. At this point the business is already established, so there's no turning back now.
*
ETA*: *The end or beginning(depends on how you're looking at it) is that I've decided to homeschool. Wish me luck.*

*

*Good luck mama


----------



## Jannah6

World Breastfeeding Week event sounds good.

Thank you ladies. I'll keep you posted on my journey. I better enjoy these last few weeks on the net







.


----------



## Sorin

Ok, ladies. I have another question. I looked on line for the info and couldn't quite find what I was looking for, so I thought you wise women might be able to help.

So, it turns out that I had my O date wrong, and I did not O while DH was out of town. Actually, I Oed after his return, and let's just say that our timing was perfect this month.









So here I am in the 2ww period. According to Fertility Friend, I am 3 DPO, and am in serious need of a relaxer. I am thinking that it is ok for me to go say on Monday and get my hair done, since if I am pregnant, implantation hasn't happened yet. Would this be a correct assessment? I read a couple of things saying that perhaps relaxers should not be done in the first trimester, but nothing about the 2ww period.

Thanks!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Ok, ladies. I have another question. I looked on line for the info and couldn't quite find what I was looking for, so I thought you wise women might be able to help.

So, it turns out that I had my O date wrong, and I did not O while DH was out of town. Actually, I Oed after his return, and let's just say that our timing was perfect this month.









So here I am in the 2ww period. According to Fertility Friend, I am 3 DPO, and am in serious need of a relaxer. I am thinking that it is ok for me to go say on Monday and get my hair done, since if I am pregnant, implantation hasn't happened yet. Would this be a correct assessment? I read a couple of things saying that perhaps relaxers should not be done in the first trimester, but nothing about the 2ww period.

Thanks!

In think you'll be fine. I don't think there's any proof that relaxers are dangerous when pregnant. Good luck, though!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
Good luck with homeschooling! Keep us posted









Whatever happened with the letter (someone? Rootz, maybe?) sent to the library?

For all the BK or general NYC area folks, there's a World Breastfeeding Week event on August 7th (next Friday). If you PM me I can send you the full email with the flyer but the basic info is that there's the annual ride on the A train from the Bronx to Nostrand Ave. in Brooklyn, and then there a walk/march to Restoration Plaza where there's a celebration event from 1 to 3:30. But the BK people are meeting before that for our own Brooklyn walk thingey and then meeting up with the train people. The lactation consultant at the Baby & Me group I go to sent me an email with more coherent info







I'll be there and I'd love to meet up with some of you if you can make it!

Bloomingstar, PM me the info. I'm nursing a broken toe (almost healed) and MAY be able to do it.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
In think you'll be fine. I don't think there's any proof that relaxers are dangerous when pregnant. Good luck, though!









I think that the greatest danger is probably posed by the smell of it, which is much more likely to make you toss your cookies if you're pregnant (as is... oh, everything else







). While I'm not 100% convinced that relaxers are safe at all, but I think that there are many more dangerous chemicals to which we deliberately expose ourselves in far greater concentrations. (Please note here that I'm not a conspiracy theorist... just a geek who majored in biochemistry.







)


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I think that the greatest danger is probably posed by the smell of it, which is much more likely to make you toss your cookies if you're pregnant (as is... oh, everything else







). While I'm not 100% convinced that relaxers are safe at all, but I think that there are many more dangerous chemicals to which we deliberately expose ourselves in far greater concentrations. (Please note here that I'm not a conspiracy theorist... just a geek who majored in biochemistry.







)

No, prob.








I would personally just try to play it same just in case. I don't relax my hair but I do dye it, so if I even suspect pregnancy, I won't go near commercial dyes.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
No, prob.








I would personally just try to play it same just in case. I don't relax my hair but I do dye it, so if I even suspect pregnancy, I won't go near commercial dyes.









I completely understand. I haven't dyed my hair in a dog's age, but it's not something I'll do when I'm pregnant either. Again, though, the smell is really more than enough reason for me.







I get severe "pregnancy nose" and can smell EVERYTHING and wow, most of it really makes my stomach turn.


----------



## Sorin

Thank you, ladies, for your responses! I went ahead and made an appointment for tomorrow. I figure that at 4 DPO, I'm probably cool. I'm having some body weirdness that I never had before, so I'm curious to see what happens over the next two weeks. I'm usually such a control freak about stuff, but for some reason, I'm totally chill about this. If it happens, cool. If not, there is always next month!

The funny thing is that MIL had a bit of a "come to Jesus" talk with DH about the baby situation today out of the blue. We've been married 5 years, and we are currently the IL's only chance for grandchildren. MIL and FIL have both been so good about staying out of our business, but today she basically said to him--I'm about to be 80! Where are my grandbabies?!

DH laughed and made a vague joke about trying and not being able to just go to the Walgreens and pick up a few.







She is going to be over the moon if I get pregnant in the next few months.

Off to bed. I've got to get up early to get my hair did!


----------



## Draupadi

You should be ok, Sorin. Really. At only a few DPO, you'll probably be fine.

Hi, ladies.
I have some news of my own.
After about 6 month ttc, I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks along so I'm still nervous and just keeping my fingers crossed.
I have a lot to think about with this pregnancy- mainly finding a new practice to manage my prenatals/birth. We were not happy about the way William's birth was handled. It was a high risk pregnancy due to a placental abruption and I was induced about a week early after having words like "stillbirth" and "death" thrown out at me. I may be on the road for another MP to look after me. I'm not sure if a midwife would take me and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to homebirth.
So...
I'm feeling good and hungry with a lot of morning sickness and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep...


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 







I completely understand. I haven't dyed my hair in a dog's age, but it's not something I'll do when I'm pregnant either. Again, though, the smell is really more than enough reason for me.







I get severe "pregnancy nose" and can smell EVERYTHING and wow, most of it really makes my stomach turn.









I really need to dye my hair badly but I think I'll wait until I'm in the 2nd trimester and then only something like a vegetable dye. I have read that it's ok to use temporary rinses that gradually color your hair because they're more like shampoos and not dyes. I may try doing that. My DH keeps telling me that my hair is about 3 different colors- grey, black and brown.







It makes me feel old when I have grey hair.


----------



## Draupadi

Oh, yeah! If you're my friend on Facebook, please don't mention it on there. I've only told a few people and I don't want the whole world to know yet.


----------



## eilonwy

Congrats, Sheila!







As to the dye: Again, it's probably fine, especially if you're going the veggie route. Why are the rinses supposed to be better? If we're talking about the same pigments & chemicals, why should it make much difference? If anything, I'd think the need for repeated applications would make things worse than a permanent dye used once every six weeks or so.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Congrats, Sheila!







As to the dye: Again, it's probably fine, especially if you're going the veggie route. Why are the rinses supposed to be better? If we're talking about the same pigments & chemicals, why should it make much difference? If anything, I'd think the need for repeated applications would make things worse than a permanent dye used once every six weeks or so.









Thanks, Rynna!
Actually, I just used a glaze on my hair. It's called Jon Frieda's Luminous Glaze. I know- not natural. It just goes on top of the hair for about 3 minutes and then you rinse it out. It's not a permanent or even a semi-permanent color so it doesn't even go into your skin. It did a nice job, actually- at least until I wash my hair again!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
You should be ok, Sorin. Really. At only a few DPO, you'll probably be fine.

Hi, ladies.
I have some news of my own.
After about 6 month ttc, I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks along so I'm still nervous and just keeping my fingers crossed.
I have a lot to think about with this pregnancy- mainly finding a new practice to manage my prenatals/birth. We were not happy about the way William's birth was handled. It was a high risk pregnancy due to a placental abruption and I was induced about a week early after having words like "stillbirth" and "death" thrown out at me. I may be on the road for another MP to look after me. I'm not sure if a midwife would take me and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to homebirth.
So...
I'm feeling good and hungry with a lot of morning sickness and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep...

Congratulations Shelia!!!!!!!! I love spring babies!!!

I used Bigen dye while pregnant, in fact I still use it. It has no ammonia or hydrogen peroxide. It does have a sweet scent that could annoy a pregnant person. I am always been happy with the results. FWIW, I only dye my hair black.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
You should be ok, Sorin. Really. At only a few DPO, you'll probably be fine.

Hi, ladies.
I have some news of my own.
After about 6 month ttc, I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks along so I'm still nervous and just keeping my fingers crossed.
I have a lot to think about with this pregnancy- mainly finding a new practice to manage my prenatals/birth. We were not happy about the way William's birth was handled. It was a high risk pregnancy due to a placental abruption and I was induced about a week early after having words like "stillbirth" and "death" thrown out at me. I may be on the road for another MP to look after me. I'm not sure if a midwife would take me and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to homebirth.
So...
I'm feeling good and hungry with a lot of morning sickness and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep...

OMG! Congratulations!!!!!!!!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
You should be ok, Sorin. Really. At only a few DPO, you'll probably be fine.

Hi, ladies.
I have some news of my own.
*After about 6 month ttc, I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks along so I'm still nervous and just keeping my fingers crossed.*
I have a lot to think about with this pregnancy- mainly finding a new practice to manage my prenatals/birth. We were not happy about the way William's birth was handled. It was a high risk pregnancy due to a placental abruption and I was induced about a week early after having words like "stillbirth" and "death" thrown out at me. I may be on the road for another MP to look after me. I'm not sure if a midwife would take me and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to homebirth.
So...
I'm feeling good and hungry with a lot of morning sickness and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep...


Woooohoooo







:!! Congratulations girl!!







:


----------



## Bloomingstar

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Bloomingstar, PM me the info. I'm nursing a broken toe (almost healed) and MAY be able to do it.

PMing you now. Sending healing vibes to the toe.

And OMG Congrats!!!







:


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
OMG! Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Thanks! I already spoke to Steph (Arike and I happen to share the same doula who also became friends to both of us)!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Woooohoooo







:!! Congratulations girl!!







:

Thank you!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
PMing you now. Sending healing vibes to the toe.

And OMG Congrats!!!







:

Thanks, Bloomingstar!

You know, it was my son William who broke my toe and he can't seem to avoid stepping on it (and neither can kids running in the playground!). I'm tired of wearing this hideous surgical boot and I'm dying to resume my summer. I have about another 2 weeks before I get the go ahead. Ugh...


----------



## Jannah6

:







:







: *Sheila*, I'm so happy that I'll be here to follow your pregnancy from start to finish.
I hope the pregnancy woes end soon, and wish you the birth that you desire









*ETA:* Have you been having insomnia lately?


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Thanks! I already spoke to Steph (Arike and I happen to share the same doula who also became friends to both of us)!










I saw Steph yesterday and she told me I need to have another baby! You must be giving her baby fever! LOL!


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Hi, ladies.
I have some news of my own.
*After about 6 month ttc, I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. I'm only about 4 weeks along so I'm still nervous and just keeping my fingers crossed.*
I have a lot to think about with this pregnancy- mainly finding a new practice to manage my prenatals/birth. We were not happy about the way William's birth was handled. It was a high risk pregnancy due to a placental abruption and I was induced about a week early after having words like "stillbirth" and "death" thrown out at me. I may be on the road for another MP to look after me. I'm not sure if a midwife would take me and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to homebirth.
So...
I'm feeling good and hungry with a lot of morning sickness and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep...

Congratulations!







: That is very exciting. Here's hoping that you make it through this pregnancy and birth stress free!


----------



## futurmama8

:YAY!!! Congrats Sheila. I just loving hearing that more beautiful babies will be born







:


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 







:







:







: *Sheila*, I'm so happy that I'll be here to follow your pregnancy from start to finish.
I hope the pregnancy woes end soon, and wish you the birth that you desire









*ETA:* Have you been having insomnia lately?

I have not been sleeping much at all.
This morning, I woke up at 4:30. I was uncomfortable and starving!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Congratulations!







: That is very exciting. Here's hoping that you make it through this pregnancy and birth stress free!

Thanks, Sorin!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *futurmama8* 







:YAY!!! Congrats Sheila. I just loving hearing that more beautiful babies will be born







:

Thanks, Rianne!


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
I have not been sleeping much at all.
This morning, I woke up at 4:30. I was uncomfortable and starving!









s


----------



## eilonwy

I'm not a fan of insomnia myself.









Be well ladies; I'll be mostly offline for the next week or so as my laptop's going out for repairs. Think happy thoughts at it and me, and I'll do the same for you.


----------



## AndrewsMother

What would cause painful cramps 3 to 4 hours after intercourse?


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 







s

Thanks!
My eyes were barely open and I was in the kitchen ripping open a bag of crackers and cutting some cheddar. LOL!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I'm not a fan of insomnia myself.









Be well ladies; I'll be mostly offline for the next week or so as my laptop's going out for repairs. Think happy thoughts at it and me, and I'll do the same for you.









Good luck!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
What would cause painful cramps 3 to 4 hours after intercourse?

That sounds like a long time for the cramps to be related. Hmmm...
Could it be a UTI?


----------



## bajamergrrl

Hello again, ladies.

Welcome new WOC.

Potential congratulations to Sorin!

Congratulations to Draupadi!!

I've finally written my birth story. Overall, I feel that it was a positive experience. I was able to maintain a good attitude and zen-like demeanor until the pushing stage. That's when I had a "bit" of a meltdown. I can laugh about it now though.

DS and I are getting to know each other more day by day. We had a bumpy start to breastfeeding but we worked it out. Next challenges include transitioning to cloth diapers and starting babywearing. We have a moby that we need to show off.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
That sounds like a long time for the cramps to be related. Hmmm...
Could it be a UTI?


I don't think so. The cramps only occur after having intercourse. I guess that I will have to visit the doctor.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I'm not a fan of insomnia myself.









Be well ladies; I'll be mostly offline for the next week or so as my laptop's going out for repairs. Think happy thoughts at it and me, and I'll do the same for you.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I don't think so. The cramps only occur after having intercourse. I guess that I will have to visit the doctor.









Could you be pregnant?

Definitely visit your HCP if the cramps continue.


----------



## Brown Lioness

Aww, Congrats Sheila! Many Blessings on you pregnancy!


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Hello again, ladies.

Welcome new WOC.

Potential congratulations to Sorin!

Congratulations to Draupadi!!

I've finally written my birth story. Overall, I feel that it was a positive experience. I was able to maintain a good attitude and zen-like demeanor until the pushing stage. That's when I had a "bit" of a meltdown. I can laugh about it now though.

DS and I are getting to know each other more day by day. We had a bumpy start to breastfeeding but we worked it out. Next challenges include transitioning to cloth diapers and starting babywearing. We have a moby that we need to show off.

That's a great birth story, bajamergrrl. Congrats on the new baby boy. The thought of having a story of my own in 2010 makes me feel . . . um . . . well, the thought is just crazy!


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Hello again, ladies.

Welcome new WOC.

Potential congratulations to Sorin!

Congratulations to Draupadi!!

I've finally written my birth story. Overall, I feel that it was a positive experience. I was able to maintain a good attitude and zen-like demeanor until the pushing stage. That's when I had a "bit" of a meltdown. I can laugh about it now though.

DS and I are getting to know each other more day by day. We had a bumpy start to breastfeeding but we worked it out. Next challenges include transitioning to cloth diapers and starting babywearing. We have a moby that we need to show off.

Lovely Birth Story!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Lovely Birth Story!

















: It was very sweet! I hope you are enjoying your beautiful little one.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Could you be pregnant?

Definitely visit your HCP if the cramps continue.

Ummmm, no I am not!







:

I loved your birth story!







:


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
What would cause painful cramps 3 to 4 hours after intercourse?

pregnancy







Sorry I just had to throw that in. I've had this experience when I had a UTI or after some Uh roughness








*
ETA:* I saw where you said that it only happens after DTD. I'm not sure what it could be. I think that this warrants going to the Dr


----------



## Bloomingstar

well orgasms can cause the uterus to contract--feel crampy--but I don't think I've ever heard of an orgasm going on for that long


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Hello again, ladies.

Welcome new WOC.

Potential congratulations to Sorin!

Congratulations to Draupadi!!

I've finally written my birth story. Overall, I feel that it was a positive experience. I was able to maintain a good attitude and zen-like demeanor until the pushing stage. That's when I had a "bit" of a meltdown. I can laugh about it now though.

DS and I are getting to know each other more day by day. We had a bumpy start to breastfeeding but we worked it out. Next challenges include transitioning to cloth diapers and starting babywearing. We have a moby that we need to show off.

What a wonderful birth story!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Aww, Congrats Sheila! Many Blessings on you pregnancy!

Thank you!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
well orgasms can cause the uterus to contract--feel crampy--but I don't think I've ever heard of an orgasm going on for that long

















:
Orgasms are the bane of my existence. I wish that I could turn off that feature. Especially if orgasms could be at the root of the problem.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
well orgasms can cause the uterus to contract--feel crampy--but I don't think I've ever heard of an orgasm going on for that long










Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 







:
Orgasms are the bane of my existence. I wish that I could turn off that feature. Especially if orgasms could be at the root of the problem.

Wow. Without orgasms, I don't feel like life is worth living.







: I can't imagine voluntarily giving them up.














: In any case... I have had orgasm crampiness last for several hours after the fact, but only while I was pregnant.







That said, there are other things that can irritate the uterus; Fibroids, for example. It's even possible that the hormonal changes during intercourse are just making you more sensitive to a condition that exists all the time... I mean that actually make sense, when you think about how everything works down there.









Mike's computer is a real pain in the behind. I'm sorely tempted to wipe the drive and install Linux. SORELY tempted. He'd be pissed... so he'd better pray my machine gets back here before the end of next week, because I'm totally ready to dismantle this one.









Hope all's going well, ladies.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 

Hope all's going well, ladies.









It's not and I'm so mad that I could curse and spit














:
I frenkin hate bending over backwards and helping people and getting screwed. I'm too nice and thoughtful and it bites me in the ass every time. This is why I stay to myself, I can't stand the drama.
I planned on having a good day, instead I had a sucky sucky day.


----------



## Jannah6

Does anyone have a BFF. My aunt is mine, but their are certain things that I can't tell her.


----------



## kimiij

I have one BFF. We've known each other since birth basically (we are three days apart and our moms met in the same hospital when we were born). I can tell her anything. I can be so frank with her and she can be frank with me. But, she's the only friend I have like this. I have another close friend who I can tell _a lot_ to but I can't tell her some of the things I tell my BFF for fear of being judged.

What I have found difficult is finding close and meaningful relationships in other women. For example, I just moved to CT after living in NJ for three years and I have no desire to keep in touch with anyone from NJ - In fact, I didn't say goodbye to one person...Kinda sucks. I feel like I'd go crazy if I didn't have my BFF to yap to







.

And that's not to say that everything's been rosy with my BFF. We went through a rough patch our senior year of high school and first year of college, but we got through it. Things have rebounded 200% since then but I am aware that there can be a natural ebb and flow in a long-term friendship...

Does your question about BFF have something to do with your bad day?







... I've had some of those...The only thing I can say is to remember that it's one day and that tomorrow will be better...


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kimiij* 

Does your question about BFF have something to do with your bad day?







... I've had some of those...The only thing I can say is to remember that it's one day and that tomorrow will be better...









Thanks, Kimijj. You're right, it is one day. I can talk to my aunt about anything. In fact we talked about what happened today







. In the past I never really cared about having a BFF, but I think that I need someone else to vent about my woes with DH. I'd like to hang out with someone every now and again on my Sundays off, my aunts Sundays are pretty busy. plus, sometimes she gets irked pretty easily or takes things the wrong way. I think it's because she is getting older.


----------



## Momtoaboy

Hi, I just moved to the Houston area a few months ago. It's nice to find this thread and read your posts.


----------



## Bloomingstar

s Jannah

I had a BFF when I was younger. Like elementary school, but we sort of grew apart, went to high school together but weren't very close, but always had each other's back and deep respect. When I moved to NY, she was living here too. We hadn't talked for months, and one day she called and said the apartment she was supposed to be moving into was going through some crazy mess with renovators, etc., and she had to move out of the place she was in--I literally didn't even think twice about telling her to come stay on my couch--this was pre-hubby, though it would've been exactly the same either way. Things were just like that with us. Not always in touch, but just down for each other. We'd been serious BFFs from age 5 on, and then she died in 2007. like a week before her birthday so I thought our other high school friend was calling to tell me about a party. Very sad, and random--she was only about to turn 27! And she wasn't sick or anything. But I still think about it a lot--I lost my oldest friend in the world, even though we weren't as close anymore, we could pick up right where we left off, even with however much we'd changed over the years.

On another note...

Today was the breastfeeding walk/event here in Brooklyn and it was so nice to see so many WOC who showed up to support breastfeeding. But there weren't enough







I'm sure plenty people were at work, so that accounts for some. I think the oddest part of the event had to be the dramatic rendering of "A Hole in the Bucket." I SO wished I'd had a video camera to capture that









We've been having a lovely week, despite the heat. DS is getting bigger, older, chilling out and enjoying seeing new things and people. We went to a Zap Mama concert yesterday-and saw Arike and her fam in person







--and then we went to the Purple Rain singalong in the park. I am already dreading the return of winter even while I am enjoying the summer. Heading to Houston next week to see my sister and her babies and my parents.

Anyone else up to fun things these days?


----------



## Jannah6

*Momtoaboy*
*
Bloomingstar*, I am sooo sorry that you lost your dear friend. I can't even imagine







s

I REALLY wanted to be at the event







, maybe next year.
We are going to a picnic in LI and today is my sons 7th B-Day







:


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Wow. Without orgasms, I don't feel like life is worth living.







: I can't imagine voluntarily giving them up.














: In any case... I have had orgasm crampiness last for several hours after the fact, but only while I was pregnant.







That said, there are other things that can irritate the uterus; Fibroids, for example. It's even possible that the hormonal changes during intercourse are just making you more sensitive to a condition that exists all the time... I mean that actually make sense, when you think about how everything works down there.










Thanks for the perspective. Something is wrong, and I am going to pray for an easy fix!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtoaboy* 
Hi, I just moved to the Houston area a few months ago. It's nice to find this thread and read your posts.

Hello, welcome to Houston, and MDC!


----------



## AndrewsMother

My BFF is DH. I have a few close women friends that I have acquried since moving to Houston. I don't know if I have ever had a female BFF.........no, I have not.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
My BFF is DH. I have a few close women friends that I have acquried since moving to Houston. I don't know if I have ever had a female BFF.........no, I have not.

My DH is my BFF, too, although for many years I never thought of him as such. Then, one day he says out of the blue, "You are my best friend. Do you know that?" (I love a man who can express his emotions.) And that's when I realized, yeah! Back at cha, baby!









I have a couple of girlfriends who I am also close to, so I feel lucky. Unfortunately, none of my oldest friends live here in Chicago anymore. But I am working on making new ones!


----------



## Jannah6

I remember this thread used to go so fast. Are we all now just on FB


----------



## Bloomingstar

I'm just running around trying to get it together to go on this trip Wednesday.


----------



## oyinmama

ohmygosh!! so i have been doing my normal late night drive by lurking visits to mdc via my subscribed threads panel, wondering why no one was talking in our WOC thread. today i decided enough was enough! and went to the old thread to bump it. and found this one! yay! so now i'm happily catching up but in case i fall asleep before i finish, wanted to say HI and subscribe and send love love love to you ladies








)

little HoneyBaby is almost 16 months! he's getting some of his back teeth, saying words (his favorites are 'ball' and 'DJ' - he's very musically inclined and the hubster used to hold him and spin; we've totally created a monster; proof @ 



) and we're going to be starting at a parent/toddler playgroup next month. life is grand. hope everyone is enjoying their summers! mwah!


----------



## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
I heart Toni's locks...i have severe lock envy when it comes to her crown because i LOVE salt and pepper and/or silver locks.

oooh me too! my long-range hair plans include chopping off my hair when i start to go seriously gray so that i can then rock the silver locks. mmm!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
*swooning*









A dear friend of mine met, who seems like a very nice fellow. He informed her from day one that he didn't want to date unless they shared the same goal of getting married. They are of one accord with this issue. However, he wants to be married by the end of this year, at which time they will have known each other for a total of six months. He has some work issues that will require him to travel overseas for a few months. He wants to make sure he takes care of business before leaving. She feels he is the 'one', but is wondering if the length of time that you know each other pre marriage. correlates with marital happiness/success. I am sure there is research on this topic, but she wanted anecdotal stories.

snip!

Quote:

Oh, I should mention that he will be traveling to a very dangerous region which, I think, is a factor in him wanting to marry her so quickly.

Thanks lovelies!

i met DH in late july 98. we became more than friends around september or so. by january 99 we had moved in together and had a joint checking account. we got married in june. 10 amazing yrs, and counting.

since it's been so long since you originally asked, do you have an update on whaty our friend chose to do? apologies if you already updated; i'm replying before i finished catching up so clear out my multiquote cache. ;o)

my general advice about marriage is, 'if you have to ask... DON'T.'

if your friend feels pressured or rushed in any way, she may want to go with her gut and not do it. on the other hand, if she feels strongly for this guy, like she wouldn't even be doubting if not for the time crunch, then again, i'd say go with her gut. like if her gut feels it's a fine idea but her head is worried b/c on paper it seems too soon? do it.

sex/relationship advice columnist dan savage said in a recent column something like '16 months is too soon' and the comments on his column that week were FULL of people who'd gotten hitched way way sooner than that and were happily together 5, 10, 15, 20 yrs later. you can find anecdotes to support either spectrum, and it's really about what your friend feels. where? in her gut. LOL.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wiksty* 
Hello ladies!

I'm back after having DD2, Terra (Bug) 3/30/09. She's doing well...on my shoulder now, so this will be a short one...

snip!

Quote:

Do any of you ladies live in Baltimore? I know NOTHING of the place...besides were it sits on the map...I need to do research.
~B

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Welcome back. Congrats on the grad school stuff; that is exciting. I live about 45 mins from Baltimore and it is easily one of my favorite cities. It is diverse, still developing and I believe the cost of housing, still affordable. If I didn't have a practice here, that would be one city I would seriously consider relocating to. I know there is another sista on here who resides in Baltimore. Perhaps she will chime in with specifics.










Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
My family is hosting a reunion there in late August, so I will be able to check out more stuff for ya!

welcome wiksty - congrats on the new baby!! @purplegirl why did i NOT realize that you were in the area!! hit me via pm or fb when you are in town for the reunion; maybe we can hook up or you can stop by the shop or something.

i've been in baltimore for ... wow in november it will have been four years! i. love. it. here. me and the hubster have a little saturday shop in charles village, just a few blocks up from u. of baltimore! it's just one of many fabulous neighborhoods in what we have found to be a fabulous little city. we look forward to meeting you!









ETA: and not two posts down from where i stopped reading to reply, you mentioned oyin, LOL!! well, yay! make sure to PM or email me through the site when you are coming into town for a visit or to househunt, so i can make sure to be at the shop or arrange to meet you there. (the shop is open every saturday but we're not always there so if any of you ladies make it to bmore and want to stop by the shop please please email first! i'd love to meet any of you guys!)

and no - you'll have no shortage of hair salons or care choices here; there are hair salons on every frigging corner! we sell supplies for the DIY sista, and on our street alone are like a dozen salons, three or four of which specialize in natural hair. in baltimore natural hair is EVERYWHERE. (not only baltimore, i find this to be the case in most cities on the east coast in recent years; i don't know why it stands out to me here; perhaps because the concentration of black people in this city is so high? perhaps because the variety of natural haired people is so wide? like, not just the hipsters or the college students; you might see anyone from cops to crackheads with locs) (anyhoo. i digress. and i'm going to bed.)

mwah!


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## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I remember this thread used to go so fast. Are we all now just on FB

















Yes, yes we are. Me on Facebook.









As to BFF, I've had a handful of close female friends but my only BFF have been guys. THRH is the first person to whom I've felt I could truly say *anything* and that alone is so liberating I can't even find the words to express it.







Things that I've been not saying my entire life have come out, and he accepts and understands and even relates. It's fabulosity.









I'm having massive sleep issues lately. It's getting to the point that I'm going to have to make things worse by using caffeine in an effort to regulate myself more appropriately, and I'm totally dreading it. Today, for instance-- I haven't had enough sleep, but I don't think I'll be able to get any rest in the hour I have left before it's time to wake up. If I can't function (e.g. I don't feel like it's safe for me to drive because I"m too tired) I'll have to down a ridiculous energy drink in order to do so. Of course that'll absolutely ensure that I don't sleep tomorrow-- not only for the 4-8 hours that the energy drink will work, but for another 12-24 hours after that (because my system takes that long to clear stimulants).







: Granted, I have very little that I absolutely MUST do this week, but it's obnoxious. I just want to be able to plan normal days, and to have some flexibility about my daytime schedule without having to worry about whether or not I'll have slept enough to do X on any given day.

Crap, migraine coming on from lack of sleep.







That's _just_ what I needed.







:


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## kimiij

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
little HoneyBaby is almost 16 months! he's getting some of his back teeth, saying words (his favorites are 'ball' and 'DJ' - he's very musically inclined and the hubster used to hold him and spin; we've totally created a monster; proof @ 



) and we're going to be starting at a parent/toddler playgroup next month. life is grand. hope everyone is enjoying their summers! mwah!

What a cutie!!! That video was hilarious!

I'm a big fan of helping kids develop their talents/interests. One day I was on the subway in NY and there was this performer playing the drums for tips. There was also this toddler there that LOVED the music, he was dancing and clapping his hands, so adorable! Then, the performer let the toddler play the drums and the little guy beat the drums so hard and he was dancing while he was playing the drums - I've never seen anything like it. His father gave the guy a tip but I remember thinking that I hope the father gets the toddler a drum set!

OT - since I moved to CT I have not been able to sleep past 5:30 AM! There is this crazy bird outside my window that won't stop making these loud repetitive calls/noises. I want to sleep, not listen to him.







:


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
oooh me too! my long-range hair plans include chopping off my hair when i start to go seriously gray so that i can then rock the silver locks. mmm!

snip!

i met DH in late july 98. we became more than friends around september or so. by january 99 we had moved in together and had a joint checking account. we got married in june. 10 amazing yrs, and counting.

since it's been so long since you originally asked, do you have an update on whaty our friend chose to do? apologies if you already updated; i'm replying before i finished catching up so clear out my multiquote cache. ;o)

my general advice about marriage is, 'if you have to ask... DON'T.'

if your friend feels pressured or rushed in any way, she may want to go with her gut and not do it. on the other hand, if she feels strongly for this guy, like she wouldn't even be doubting if not for the time crunch, then again, i'd say go with her gut. like if her gut feels it's a fine idea but her head is worried b/c on paper it seems too soon? do it.

sex/relationship advice columnist dan savage said in a recent column something like '16 months is too soon' and the comments on his column that week were FULL of people who'd gotten hitched way way sooner than that and were happily together 5, 10, 15, 20 yrs later. you can find anecdotes to support either spectrum, and it's really about what your friend feels. where? in her gut. LOL.

snip!

welcome wiksty - congrats on the new baby!! *@purplegirl why did i NOT realize that you were in the area!! hit me via pm or fb when you are in town for the reunion; maybe we can hook up or you can stop by the shop or something.*

i've been in baltimore for ... wow in november it will have been four years! i. love. it. here. me and the hubster have a little saturday shop in charles village, just a few blocks up from u. of baltimore! it's just one of many fabulous neighborhoods in what we have found to be a fabulous little city. we look forward to meeting you!









ETA: and not two posts down from where i stopped reading to reply, you mentioned oyin, LOL!! well, yay! make sure to PM or email me through the site when you are coming into town for a visit or to househunt, so i can make sure to be at the shop or arrange to meet you there. (the shop is open every saturday but we're not always there so if any of you ladies make it to bmore and want to stop by the shop please please email first! i'd love to meet any of you guys!)

and no - you'll have no shortage of hair salons or care choices here; there are hair salons on every frigging corner! we sell supplies for the DIY sista, and on our street alone are like a dozen salons, three or four of which specialize in natural hair. in baltimore natural hair is EVERYWHERE. (not only baltimore, i find this to be the case in most cities on the east coast in recent years; i don't know why it stands out to me here; perhaps because the concentration of black people in this city is so high? perhaps because the variety of natural haired people is so wide? like, not just the hipsters or the college students; you might see anyone from cops to crackheads with locs) (anyhoo. i digress. and i'm going to bed.)

mwah!


Hey Oyinmama. I was in bmore for a whirlwind reunion with my family. It did cross my mind to bring some of my family to your shop, but I go so busy organizing and stressing!! I am now chillin on The Vineyard. However, I popped on because I learned of a connection you and I have--through facebook of course, and now I'm wondering if we are related!! My cousin is friends with you and your husband. In one of his pics, he refers to your husband as 'cousin'







. Of course, us folks are known to call close friends 'cuz', etc, but that caught my eye. I also learned this cousin and his wife are on MDC!!

I still love Bmore and was more than impressed by all of the natural hair wearing sisters and brothers.
More later...........off to the Ink well







:


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey Oyinmama. I was in bmore for a whirlwind reunion with my family. It did cross my mind to bring some of my family to your shop, but I go so busy organizing and stressing!! I am now chillin on The Vineyard. However, I popped on because I learned of a connection you and I have--through facebook of course, and now I'm wondering if we are related!! My cousin is friends with you and your husband. In one of his pics, he refers to your husband as 'cousin'







. Of course, us folks are known to call close friends 'cuz', etc, but that caught my eye. I also learned this cousin and his wife are on MDC!!

I still love Bmore and was more than impressed by all of the natural hair wearing sisters and brothers.
More later...........off to the Ink well







:

The world is so small and even smaller now due to technology. I learned one of my regular blog readers actually used to date my brother...talk about small world.

I'm here but busy with the kids, my son is working on college stuff since he is applying early to colleges, narrowed his list down to 6 schools. Ladies, start saving money for your kids now for college, college costs are no joke. I keep joking, I better start losing more weight cuz Mama may be working a pole to pay his tuition (bad joke I know..LOL).

Anyway life is good rather I am gonna make it good, looking forward to the summer program at work to wind down..we fed a lot of kids but talk about work, Its been crazy.

Shay


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## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
BTW, I'm currently reading Raising Cain and How Children Learn which both are pushing me further into the unschooling camp.

thanks for those titles, rootzdawta!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey Oyinmama. I was in bmore for a whirlwind reunion with my family. It did cross my mind to bring some of my family to your shop, but I go so busy organizing and stressing!! I am now chillin on The Vineyard. However, I popped on because I learned of a connection you and I have--through facebook of course, and now I'm wondering if we are related!! My cousin is friends with you and your husband. In one of his pics, he refers to your husband as 'cousin'







. Of course, us folks are known to call close friends 'cuz', etc, but that caught my eye. I also learned this cousin and his wife are on MDC!!

I still love Bmore and was more than impressed by all of the natural hair wearing sisters and brothers.
More later...........off to the Ink well







:

wait - just this past weekend?? u must mean B & I?? omg i went to college with them, we used to publish a zine together, LOL!!!! they came and spent some time at the shop - that is TOO funny. what a small world!!







: we're not actually related, my hubby used to DJ under the name 'cousin pete' - i think i know the pic you're talking about, it's from a gig he and B did together. what are their names on MDC?

tell the vineyard i said hi. this summer was not the summer for us, but we are getting LOTS more help and the shape of our lives is changing to one where we don't have to work 24/7. now it's more like 24/5 whoo hoo! by next summer we hope to be able to take extended time off and maybe we'll see you there. ;o)

@ Shay - i dunno, that joke was pretty hilarious to me







congrats to your big boy and good luck staying off the pole


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## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Ladies, start saving money for your kids now for college, college costs are no joke. I keep joking, I better start losing more weight cuz Mama may be working a pole to pay his tuition (bad joke I know..LOL).









: I'll be dreadfully honest here and say that paying for college is one of my greatest fears as the parent of at least one (and quite possibly four) highly gifted child.







: I keep trying not to think about it, as there are far more pressing concerns money-wise.


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## Brown Lioness

*holds on to her ovaries for dear life*

OMG, oyinmama, that video was NSFBF (Not Safe For Baby Fever)!!! How CUUUTE is your son!! AAHHH!!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
ohmygosh!! so i have been doing my normal late night drive by lurking visits to mdc via my subscribed threads panel, wondering why no one was talking in our WOC thread. today i decided enough was enough! and went to the old thread to bump it. and found this one! yay! so now i'm happily catching up but in case i fall asleep before i finish, wanted to say HI and subscribe and send love love love to you ladies







)

little HoneyBaby is almost 16 months! he's getting some of his back teeth, saying words (his favorites are 'ball' and 'DJ' - he's very musically inclined and the hubster used to hold him and spin; we've totally created a monster; proof @ 



) and we're going to be starting at a parent/toddler playgroup next month. life is grand. hope everyone is enjoying their summers! mwah!


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## bajamergrrl

Thanks for the well wishes ladies. My LO is 3 weeks old now and thriving on his mama's milk.







at the thought of college costs.

Funny there's all this talk about facebook cuz I just joined after a few years of stubborn resistance. I still refuse to twitter though.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
little HoneyBaby is almost 16 months! he's getting some of his back teeth, saying words (his favorites are 'ball' and 'DJ' - he's very musically inclined and the hubster used to hold him and spin; we've totally created a monster; proof @ 



) and we're going to be starting at a parent/toddler playgroup next month. life is grand. hope everyone is enjoying their summers! mwah!

He is adorable!!


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
thanks for those titles, rootzdawta!

*wait - just this past weekend?? u must mean B & I?? omg i went to college with them, we used to publish a zine together, LOL!!!! they came and spent some time at the shop - that is TOO funny. what a small world!!*







: we're not actually related, my hubby used to DJ under the name 'cousin pete' - i think i know the pic you're talking about, it's from a gig he and B did together. what are their names on MDC?

tell the vineyard i said hi. this summer was not the summer for us, but we are getting LOTS more help and the shape of our lives is changing to one where we don't have to work 24/7. now it's more like 24/5 whoo hoo! by next summer we hope to be able to take extended time off and maybe we'll see you there. ;o)

@ Shay - i dunno, that joke was pretty hilarious to me







congrats to your big boy and good luck staying off the pole









Yes, B AND I







: Oh man am I sorry I didn't know they were coming to your shop! Did they bring other family members? I have a large hippie contingent in my family, so I know they totally enjoyed that. I recall a bunch of them leaving the hotel in search of 'this store'. Dang, had only I known.

Congrats on getting additional help. That also means biz is doing well and that is awesome. The vineyard awaits you, mamita. The peaceful feeling here is palpable~

I will be back to respond to other posts later. I am off to the Featherstone Art Gallery for a textile art class. Woohoo!! It is hot as heck here.


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## Sorin

Well, ladies, this is unbelievable---

I'm pregnant.

We really did not think that it would happen this soon (first month trying). But a 36 year old egg hooked up with 39 year old sperm and BAM! Due April 20th.

My parents and the ILs are going to be thrilled (*especially* the ILs).

The timing is not so bad. I'll be able to almost get through the spring semester, and finding subs should be easy. I'm only 4 weeks now, so I'm cautiously optimistic, and I have an appointment with a midwife on Sept 11. So far, I only have cramps--persisting, unrelenting cramps--and I'm so so so so tired. Fortunately, those symptoms are not enough to keep me from getting done what I need to get done, and I can still fake on the job that I'm not preg because I'd like to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone.

The only new hurdle I have to overcome is the scheduling for next semester. Once I found out, I knew that when the time comes to put in our teaching preferences, I am going to request 4 sections of the same class (Freshman comp). The class is easy for me to teach and easy to find a sub for. Here's the catch--last semester, I had agreed to teach a more complicated research writing class with a particular emphasis that would be cross-linked with other classes in the college. Since I will have to bow out of the semester early, I don't think it would be fair to the students if I got involved in such a sophisticated course. (Nor do I really anticipate wanting to expend the tremendous amount of energy needed to plan/teach this course.) I was initially thinking that I will be able to wait until 12 weeks have passed to choose my schedule; that way, I can easily say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course. Pregnant. Due in April. Can't finish the semester." I go in to the office today, and guess what is in my mailbox . . . the sheet requesting our course choices for the spring! And it is due Aug 17th!!! *sigh* So now, I have to figure out a way to say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course because . . . um . . .health issues?" I don't know what to say! Help, ladies! I am going to post this over at the WOHM board, but if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it!


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## bajamergrrl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Well, ladies, this is unbelievable---

I'm pregnant.

We really did not think that it would happen this soon (first month trying). But a 36 year old egg hooked up with 39 year old sperm and BAM! Due April 20th.











Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!


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## Brown Lioness

Awww, Congrats Sorin!!!!!







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Well, ladies, this is unbelievable---

I'm pregnant.

We really did not think that it would happen this soon (first month trying). But a 36 year old egg hooked up with 39 year old sperm and BAM! Due April 20th.

My parents and the ILs are going to be thrilled (*especially* the ILs).

The timing is not so bad. I'll be able to almost get through the spring semester, and finding subs should be easy. I'm only 4 weeks now, so I'm cautiously optimistic, and I have an appointment with a midwife on Sept 11. So far, I only have cramps--persisting, unrelenting cramps--and I'm so so so so tired. Fortunately, those symptoms are not enough to keep me from getting done what I need to get done, and I can still fake on the job that I'm not preg because I'd like to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone.

The only new hurdle I have to overcome is the scheduling for next semester. Once I found out, I knew that when the time comes to put in our teaching preferences, I am going to request 4 sections of the same class (Freshman comp). The class is easy for me to teach and easy to find a sub for. Here's the catch--last semester, I had agreed to teach a more complicated research writing class with a particular emphasis that would be cross-linked with other classes in the college. Since I will have to bow out of the semester early, I don't think it would be fair to the students if I got involved in such a sophisticated course. (Nor do I really anticipate wanting to expend the tremendous amount of energy needed to plan/teach this course.) I was initially thinking that I will be able to wait until 12 weeks have passed to choose my schedule; that way, I can easily say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course. Pregnant. Due in April. Can't finish the semester." I go in to the office today, and guess what is in my mailbox . . . the sheet requesting our course choices for the spring! And it is due Aug 17th!!! *sigh* So now, I have to figure out a way to say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course because . . . um . . .health issues?" I don't know what to say! Help, ladies! I am going to post this over at the WOHM board, but if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it!


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## eilonwy

Congrats Sorin!







: Bella was due on 20 April as well, but she had nerve and showed up early.














I have no advice whatsoever on the teaching dilemma but I'm sure it'll all work out well.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Well, ladies, this is unbelievable---

I'm pregnant.

We really did not think that it would happen this soon (first month trying). But a 36 year old egg hooked up with 39 year old sperm and BAM! Due April 20th.

My parents and the ILs are going to be thrilled (*especially* the ILs).

The timing is not so bad. I'll be able to almost get through the spring semester, and finding subs should be easy. I'm only 4 weeks now, so I'm cautiously optimistic, and I have an appointment with a midwife on Sept 11. So far, I only have cramps--persisting, unrelenting cramps--and I'm so so so so tired. Fortunately, those symptoms are not enough to keep me from getting done what I need to get done, and I can still fake on the job that I'm not preg because I'd like to wait until 12 weeks to tell anyone.

The only new hurdle I have to overcome is the scheduling for next semester. Once I found out, I knew that when the time comes to put in our teaching preferences, I am going to request 4 sections of the same class (Freshman comp). The class is easy for me to teach and easy to find a sub for. Here's the catch--last semester, I had agreed to teach a more complicated research writing class with a particular emphasis that would be cross-linked with other classes in the college. Since I will have to bow out of the semester early, I don't think it would be fair to the students if I got involved in such a sophisticated course. (Nor do I really anticipate wanting to expend the tremendous amount of energy needed to plan/teach this course.) I was initially thinking that I will be able to wait until 12 weeks have passed to choose my schedule; that way, I can easily say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course. Pregnant. Due in April. Can't finish the semester." I go in to the office today, and guess what is in my mailbox . . . the sheet requesting our course choices for the spring! And it is due Aug 17th!!! *sigh* So now, I have to figure out a way to say, "Sorry, can't do the complicated course because . . . um . . .health issues?" I don't know what to say! Help, ladies! I am going to post this over at the WOHM board, but if you have any suggestions, I'd appreciate it!

Wooohoo







: Congratulations







I have no advice either but I am certain it will all work out.


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## Jannah6

*Sorin*CONGRATULATIONS







:







:







:

I don't have any advice, but do you have to give them a reason for not being able to do the class?
*
eilonwy*, hope you find some relief soon. Maybe try some homeopathic remedies?

I find it fascinating that Oyin and Purplegirl have that connection







. Now that I'm on FB I see how real 6 degrees of separation can be.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*Sorin*CONGRATULATIONS







:







:







:

I don't have any advice, but do you have to give them a reason for not being able to do the class?
*
eilonwy*, hope you find some relief soon. Maybe try some homeopathic remedies?

*I find it fascinating that Oyin and Purplegirl have that connection







. Now that I'm on FB I see how real 6 degrees of separation can be.*

*
*
This always amazes me too. I am still freaked out about how my cousins were talking about going to this store and here it is Oyinmama's place. Moreover, I found it totally hilarious to be going through my cousin's pictures only to see her husband! Too cool!


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## AndrewsMother

Congratulations Sorin!!!!!!!

Hello Oyinmama, long time no see! Your son is adorbale, and I can't believe that he is 16 months old!!

As for college costs, I just pray that I am done with school and able to afford to pay his tuition year by year. I hope that I would have had at least 7 to 8 years to work and save, but if not I will just have to cover what scholarships don't.


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## JustKiya

Congrats again, Sorin!!!







:







:







:


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## Sorin

Thanks, ladies! I do not have to give them a reason, so I won't. I think I"m going to just send an email that simply says that I'll be unable to teach the course in the spring, but I'm interested in teaching it in the future. Sometimes straightforward is best!


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## oyinmama

sorin i think that's a great way to go. CONGRATULATIONS!!! i just about reached the point in the thread where you first mentioned you were TTC and were deciding to let go of your grand plan. as someone who was originally TTC for an aquarius child, (LOL!!) i could definitely feel you. ;o)

many wishes for a smooth pregnancy and safe happy delivery.


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## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Thanks, ladies! I do not have to give them a reason, so I won't. I think I"m going to just send an email that simply says that I'll be unable to teach the course in the spring, but I'm interested in teaching it in the future. Sometimes straightforward is best!

Yes, I agree. Plus you don't want folks too much in your business.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!!







:


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## rootzdawta

I've been quiet lately trying to squeeze the most out of summer. Summer is exhausting! LoL.

Here's the predicament: I'm 27 years old and DH just turned 35. He is done having children and wants to just raise the 2 we have. I'm not so sure. I could see wanting another in 3 or 4 years. I think the issue is that DH feels that he has already built up to where he is now and wants to just coast. I feel like I'm still building and I have the energy. Anyway, DH is looking into a vasectomy so that there are no accidents. I just don't know how I will sign those papers agreeing to it. Right now I know I've got my hands full but what about in a few years? And then what makes it more complex is my desire to be a SAHM at least during these younger years to all my children. DH thinks that's just unfathomable especially with another child. At the same time, I'm eager to find a way to make money for the household that would also allow me to homeschool the children therefore it would need to be flexible. I've thought about being an adjunct but honestly, I'm not qualified (no experience, no connections). Do I go back to school? And then where does a new baby fit into all this? And then I realize that I'm only uncomfortable as a SAHM because DH expects me to WOH as soon as the children are school-age (he's not gung-ho about homeschool-take or leave it). I could do the SAHM/homeschool thing (which involves a lot of frugality and sacrifice) while building up a side hustle (tutoring/teaching crochet, writing etc) but DH is looking for that consistent, bi-weekly pay check. And then I just wonder how two married folks have such different ideas and goals and how is this supposed to work?

Sorry for the complex ramble. Needed to get it out.


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## AndrewsMother

RD, even though I don't share your frustrations, I understand. I also understand your husbands desire for steady pay. With two children, unless they attend public school, is it even worth it to look for a job. If tuition is the same there as it is here, you would have to make at least $60K to break even, and is that possible with limited experience? Does your husband truly understand just how much tuition costs, or does he assume that they will attend public school? Perhaps I am wrong, but I thought that you said in a previous post that public school is not an option.

Are you willing to use mirena or norplant to prevent pregnancy in order to delay a vasectomy. I don't like hormone birth control, but a vasectomy is so final.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I've been quiet lately trying to squeeze the most out of summer. Summer is exhausting! LoL.

Here's the predicament: I'm 27 years old and DH just turned 35. He is done having children and wants to just raise the 2 we have. I'm not so sure. I could see wanting another in 3 or 4 years. I think the issue is that DH feels that he has already built up to where he is now and wants to just coast. I feel like I'm still building and I have the energy. Anyway, DH is looking into a vasectomy so that there are no accidents. I just don't know how I will sign those papers agreeing to it. Right now I know I've got my hands full but what about in a few years? And then what makes it more complex is my desire to be a SAHM at least during these younger years to all my children. DH thinks that's just unfathomable especially with another child. At the same time, I'm eager to find a way to make money for the household that would also allow me to homeschool the children therefore it would need to be flexible. I've thought about being an adjunct but honestly, I'm not qualified (no experience, no connections). Do I go back to school? And then where does a new baby fit into all this? And then I realize that I'm only uncomfortable as a SAHM because DH expects me to WOH as soon as the children are school-age (he's not gung-ho about homeschool-take or leave it). I could do the SAHM/homeschool thing (which involves a lot of frugality and sacrifice) while building up a side hustle (tutoring/teaching crochet, writing etc) but DH is looking for that consistent, bi-weekly pay check. *And then I just wonder how two married folks have such different ideas and goals and how is this supposed to work?*
Sorry for the complex ramble. Needed to get it out.

As someone who has been married a while and a few more years on you







(you know I mean that in love) this is a case IMO where someone will most likely have to compromise in a large way. The way I see if you will either need to get him to see things your way or compromise ie. you have another baby but you will work, if that makes any sense.

You have a masters right? Yes, its possible to get an adjunct position but they are hard to get (been there done that) with a masters because so many Ph.D's can't find work and generally the first years you get lousy selections as far as offerings. Every class I was ever offered was something I did not want at a time I definitely didn't want and having been an adjunct is a lot more work that you think. (time preparing for class, grading and talking to students) So what seems like good pay ends up being real chump change unless you are teaching IMO at least 3 classes.

I am older than your husband so I can relate to his sense of being done yet at 27 I was like you, I knew I wanted another kid just not at 27. I agree with AM that maybe you can look at options as far as BC...what about an IUD? Its my understanding they are safe now and they last a long time.

Shay


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
As someone who has been married a while and a few more years on you







(you know I mean that in love) this is a case IMO where someone will most likely have to compromise in a large way. The way I see if you will either need to get him to see things your way or compromise ie. you have another baby but you will work, if that makes any sense.

You have a masters right? Yes, its possible to get an adjunct position but they are hard to get (been there done that) with a masters because so many Ph.D's can't find work and generally the first years you get lousy selections as far as offerings. Every class I was ever offered was something I did not want at a time I definitely didn't want and having been an adjunct is a lot more work that you think. (time preparing for class, grading and talking to students) So what seems like good pay ends up being real chump change unless you are teaching IMO at least 3 classes.

I am older than your husband so I can relate to his sense of being done yet at 27 I was like you, I knew I wanted another kid just not at 27. I agree with AM that maybe you can look at options as far as BC...what about an IUD? Its my understanding they are safe now and they last a long time.

Shay

I have to agree with Shay on this one, and I say this as a person who has been with her DP for over 15 years--ya gotta compromise. The past month or so has been very interesting for me as we went from deciding to have a baby to trying to becoming pregnant in such a short period of time. Do you know what the first thing out of DH's mouth was when I showed him the word "Pregnant" on the digital?

"Oh, no!"

And this is coming from a man who a few days earlier had said that he wanted to have a baby!









He said "Oh, no!" because his first and immediate thought was being able to provide for the kid. Now, DH has a great job, as do I (knock on wood for the both of us), but men are really really really concerned about providing, more so than we might think. So while you are saying, "Oh, I'll just be frugal and that'll be fine," *he's* probably thinking, "How can I provide for more than two?" He may also be feeling the stress of being the sole provider, and in his head, he sees your eventual return to work as helping to reduce some of that stress.

In order to get through this hump right now, I suggest that neither one of you make any permanent decisions. Shay's suggestions of an IUD is a good one. Talk to your DH and get him to agree to adopt a non-permanent but reliable method of BC; then you can promise to re-evaluate the thrid kid/homeschool/SAHM/WOHM in six months. The important thing is that neither of you dig in your heels or make ultimatums. That will only cause problems and may harm the relationship. Talk to each other. Set up a six month plan. If after six months, neither of you have changed your positions, give yourself another six months. You are young. You have the time! He may find that over time, he does want another baby. You may find that you do want to get a paying job. You just don't know. Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. The most important thing is to be flexible and not to make any permanent moves right now.

Good luck!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Yes, definetly compromise, because that is key!


----------



## Brown Lioness

I agree, i like the "Compromise and talk together, get an IUD and then reevaluate every 6 months" thing.


----------



## purplegirl

I totally agree with pp's that compromising is optimal to the happiness and longevity of any relationship. OF course the compromising has to be done equitably or one partner is likely to feel resentful.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
RD, even though I don't share your frustrations, I understand. I also understand your husbands desire for steady pay. With two children, unless they attend public school, is it even worth it to look for a job. If tuition is the same there as it is here, you would have to make at least $60K to break even, and is that possible with limited experience? Does your husband truly understand just how much tuition costs, or does he assume that they will attend public school? Perhaps I am wrong, but I thought that you said in a previous post that public school is not an option.

Are you willing to use mirena or norplant to prevent pregnancy in order to delay a vasectomy. I don't like hormone birth control, but a vasectomy is so final.

DH's solution to the public school conundrum is to make the best of the situation, i.e. plug the holes in the education at home. Because there's no way we could afford private school--not even parochial school. I'm completely against public school in the town I live in now especially after 5th grade. He would be willing to move then.

I had the paraguard and it came out (it was a whole fiasco). I'm willing to do hormonal bc now as an alternative to the vasectomy even though I really don't like the idea of it. It's definitely not as final, I completely agree.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
As someone who has been married a while and a few more years on you







(you know I mean that in love) this is a case IMO where someone will most likely have to compromise in a large way. The way I see if you will either need to get him to see things your way or compromise ie. you have another baby but you will work, if that makes any sense.

You have a masters right? Yes, its possible to get an adjunct position but they are hard to get (been there done that) with a masters because so many Ph.D's can't find work and generally the first years you get lousy selections as far as offerings. Every class I was ever offered was something I did not want at a time I definitely didn't want and having been an adjunct is a lot more work that you think. (time preparing for class, grading and talking to students) So what seems like good pay ends up being real chump change unless you are teaching IMO at least 3 classes.

I am older than your husband so I can relate to his sense of being done yet at 27 I was like you, I knew I wanted another kid just not at 27. I agree with AM that maybe you can look at options as far as BC...what about an IUD? Its my understanding they are safe now and they last a long time.

Shay

Shay, you're like the big sister I never had.







I realized the other day that this is one of those situations where it's even hard to say it's a compromise because a child is either/or. Either you have one or you don't. And I certainly don't want to bring an unwanted child into the world so as it stands now, I'd rather just stay with the two than force him to have another. His stance is that he could "stomach" having another one if I went to work which is way different than he would _want_ another one if I went back to work outside the home.

I'm actually meeting with some former professors of mine in the upcoming weeks to talk about the feasibility/practicality of being an adjunct. My father was an adjunct for many years and it was not pretty--the politics and struggles trying to get classes to teach and erratic schedules, etc. I can't say I'm ready for that. I would like to go for my Ph.D. when the kids are a bit older but I'm still paying off student loans (although as my friend pointed out, I have way less loans then average--still). Even if we stay with two children, I'd like to work out of the home at least part time--something flexible and fulfilling like maybe an after-school program or something because I really do enjoy teaching.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
I have to agree with Shay on this one, and I say this as a person who has been with her DP for over 15 years--ya gotta compromise. The past month or so has been very interesting for me as we went from deciding to have a baby to trying to becoming pregnant in such a short period of time. Do you know what the first thing out of DH's mouth was when I showed him the word "Pregnant" on the digital?

"Oh, no!"

And this is coming from a man who a few days earlier had said that he wanted to have a baby!









He said "Oh, no!" because his first and immediate thought was being able to provide for the kid. Now, DH has a great job, as do I (knock on wood for the both of us), but men are really really really concerned about providing, more so than we might think. So while you are saying, "Oh, I'll just be frugal and that'll be fine," *he's* probably thinking, "How can I provide for more than two?" He may also be feeling the stress of being the sole provider, and in his head, he sees your eventual return to work as helping to reduce some of that stress.

In order to get through this hump right now, I suggest that neither one of you make any permanent decisions. Shay's suggestions of an IUD is a good one. Talk to your DH and get him to agree to adopt a non-permanent but reliable method of BC; then you can promise to re-evaluate the thrid kid/homeschool/SAHM/WOHM in six months. The important thing is that neither of you dig in your heels or make ultimatums. That will only cause problems and may harm the relationship. Talk to each other. Set up a six month plan. If after six months, neither of you have changed your positions, give yourself another six months. You are young. You have the time! He may find that over time, he does want another baby. You may find that you do want to get a paying job. You just don't know. Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. The most important thing is to be flexible and not to make any permanent moves right now.

Good luck!

I'm slowly coming to see how so differently men think than we do. He definitely sees my return to work as a relief and that actually makes me feel guilty a lot that I am a SAHM even though we agreed to it. Me being a SAHM was not the original plan and while I was able to get with the new plan (me being a SAHM), he's antsy. But you're right . . . flexibility is key right now. Since the IUD didn't work, I'm going to talk to dh about hormonal bc and 6 month plans. That actually seems like the best move right now. T

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I totally agree with pp's that compromising is optimal to the happiness and longevity of any relationship. OF course the compromising has to be done equitably or one partner is likely to feel resentful.

Very true!

Wow . . . thanks so much for your input. I can't tell you ladies how much you've helped me.


----------



## Jannah6

*rootzdawta*, whatever is decided I hope that things work out for you all, children included.

An online friend sent me this http://www.africanamericanimages.com...tissetclae.htm, what do you all think?


----------



## JustKiya

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
*rootzdawta*, whatever is decided I hope that things work out for you all, children included.

An online friend sent me this http://www.africanamericanimages.com...tissetclae.htm, what do you all think?


Looks interesting - but I wish they provided more details on what the curriculum actually *contains*.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustKiya* 
Looks interesting - but I wish they provided more details on what the curriculum actually *contains*.


I thought the same thing.


----------



## bkmami

Hi everyone! I have been MIA for the last few weeks. Just now catching up with the thread. Congrats on the bfps, welcome to the new members and Jannah, good luck with homeschooling.








This is something that we have been exploring for us as well. My kids are still young though so we do have time to decide still. I grew up in the NYC Public School system and have lots of reservations especially in the area where we live.

We def have been enjoying our summer...a few events here and there and today we are going to Brooklyn Bridge Park for a lil tour of the cove. Can't wait. But it has been hot as crazy and my preggo self is not liking that too much. haha


----------



## Draupadi

Congrats, Sorin!
I hope you're doing well.








Jannah, good luck with homeschooling. We've thought about it too.


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## purplegirl

Hi Ladies. I'm popping in to say hello and to bump us up!
I watching the summer slowly slip away as I am gearing up to return to my work in the schools. I had a fairly decent summer,though I experienced major stress in many areas of my life. I am pulling out it but have one more hurdle to cross.
On a positive note, my contract was increased with one of the local school districts







:. I am thrilled and looking to hire at least one other therapist to work for me. So I will be working in two middle schools and two elementary schools. I am still seeing folks in my private office so needless to say, I am going to be one busy sista!

I hope you all are doing fabulously and enjoying the remaining days of summer!!


----------



## Jannah6

Not really suppossed to be here







, my FB friends know what I mean. Just droping by to say hello.








: Purplegirl, CONGRATULATION

Thanks, Sheila. I hope it works out well for me, and you if yo decide on HS. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my 8 yr old DD has ADHD/ODD and she is a real challenge.

Welcome back BKmami, you've been on my mind. I'm in Bed-Stuy, so I know what you mean.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Not really suppossed to be here







, my FB friends know what I mean. Just droping by to say hello.








: Purplegirl, CONGRATULATION

Thanks, Sheila. *I hope it works out well for me, and you if yo decide on HS. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my 8 yr old DD has ADHD/ODD and she is a real challenge.
*
Welcome back BKmami, you've been on my mind. I'm in Bed-Stuy, so I know what you mean.


Hey mamita. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need some strategies for for helping your dd with the ADHD and ODD.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey mamita. Don't hesitate to contact me if you need some strategies for for helping your dd with the ADHD and ODD.









I NEED I NEED. PM you right now.


----------



## Sorin

Hey, ladies! Just wanted to give a little update on me. The semester started back for us today, and I'm at 6w 2d. Today was fine. I got a little nausea while eating my yogurt on the bus, but it passed quickly. I had a weird pregnancy craving for a hamburger at 9:30am, and I sho nuff was going to go get one, but a colleague (a pregnant one, at that!) asked me to sub her class because she had a doctor's appointment with a specialist. She's been having some serious problems (seizures, passing out in the third tri, bed rest), so of course I said yes! Needless to say, I didn't eat anything else until 12:30, and by that time I was just about sick with hunger!

When I got home today, I passed out on the couch for about 2 hours, but now I'm feeling almost like myself again. So far so good with this pregnancy. I have actually had very few symptoms. The only one that's been slowing me down is the exhaustion, but even that is beginning to let up a bit (and when I say "let up," I mean that at least now have short bursts of energy between long bouts of feeling like crawling up underneath the bed and passing out!) I do not have any morning sickness, and so far, I have not thrown up (knock on wood!) I do get cramps just about every day, and sometime they are so bad that the wake me up. Then again, the need to pee every 5 minutes wakes me up, so if it's not one thing . . .

I've got two more weeks before my first midwife appointment, and then about another month before we "officially" start telling people. After the appointment with the midwife, we will tell our parents (I'll be 8 weeks then). DH had mentioned that he would like to wait as long as possible before telling our parents primarily because he doesn't want his mother to tell his sisters, and he does not think that she will be able to keep this secret. There is a little bit of tension amongst his siblings, mainly due to the fact that his sisters have a touch of the crazy. Finding out that we will be having the first grandchild (one sis is not married and the other is 42 and married with no children) might cause some . . . interesting behavior. But I can't be worried about all that, and they don't live here anyway. I told DH that I really want to tell the parents at 8 weeks because between his mom, my mom, and my grandmothers, there are 8 pregnancy experiences, and I would like to tap into any first trimester wisdom they might have. He does agree with me, but I think that the idea of his sisters' reactions make him a bit nervous (and based on some of their previous behavior, I don't blame him!)

Um, let's see. Is there anything else? Oh, I sent the person an email about my schedule next semester. It was a simple, "Sorry, can't do it" email. I did not get a response, and I have not seen this person, so I'm going to assume all is cool (there are really no ramifications if it is not, but I wanted to be as professional as possible).

On the work front, I met my first batch of students today. They were great! They all had this eager beaver look about them, and they laughed at my jokes, which bodes well especially since the class meets at 8:00am! One of them even had a folder with a kitten on it, which was really cute because--well, you know--this is college. I was thinking, "Bless your little heart with your kitten folder!" I meet the next group tomorrow, and I hope they are all as alert as this group was today!

Ok, I wrote a novel. Back to answering "Where can I get the book?" and "I can't log into Blackboard so what do I do?" emails!


----------



## purplegirl

See this clip on African-American Genealogy--this is fascinating. A lot of my face book friends know that I meet Henry Louis Gates this summer while on The Vineyard. This clip fascinates me even more since meeting him.

http://fora.tv/2007/02/27/Studying_A...ican_Genealogy


----------



## bajamergrrl

Sorin - Glad to see pregnancy is agreeing with you so far. My unsolicited advice is to eat and eat well. Don't let yourself stay hungry and thirsty if you can help it. Good nutrition can make a big difference. Enjoy your pregnancy, mama.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Sorin - Glad to see pregnancy is agreeing with you so far. My unsolicited advice is to eat and eat well. Don't let yourself stay hungry and thirsty if you can help it. Good nutrition can make a big difference. Enjoy your pregnancy, mama.

Thanks for the advice, bajamergrrl! Today, I did much better. I ate appropriate food at the appropriate time, and I spent the entire day drinking water. Actually, my water intake has always been good, but in the past, I have gotten too busy to eat and would occasionally skip breakfast or lunch. That is something that I now have to change for the baby! I think that one of the issues is that I don't "feel" pregnant, so once back at work yesterday, I just kept going going going like I normally do. I tend to push myself physically and mentally at whatever I do, so I need to learn to give myself permission to slow down.


----------



## AndrewsMother

DS began PK3 and he is loving it! I had accepted the fact that he was the only dark brown boy in his class, imagine my delight when I walked into the class the morning and there was another child of the same hue. Yesterday I went thourgh the carpool line so I did not get to see him, and his family is not new to the school so they did not come to either orientation. He is from Zimbabwae, and his mom is nice. She wants to get together for play dates so I am excited. There is also a brown girl in his class, and she is American. The class is quite diverse with students from Europe and At least two countries in Asia.

I spent most of my life as the only and while I don't regret the experience, I remember what it was like to be the odd one out. I am happy to know that he will have someone else that looks like him, especially another boy, in his class.

Now the whine.

They take naps so DS is still awake at 8:39. oh well. He normally goes to bed at 7.


----------



## Brown Lioness

Hey all, still lurkin here lol. Glad that everyone seems to be doing well though









Hubby and I celebrated 5 years of marriage yesterday







Even tho i had to go to work yesterday (couldnt get the day, let alone the week off), we had a really nice time going out to eat and came home and had a very nice time there too









Yesterday was supposed to be the culmination of our agreed upon "5 year Plan" to wait to have kids. No serious kid talk as of yet tho...too much going on...hubby is still laid off with no jobs in sight so he's working on his own graphic design biz. Im working on my own biz as well, as well as still working my fulltime job. We are stretching our lil monies to pay the bills that we can (which means many fall by the wayside, our credit is in the trash, ah well), so our original dreams of buying a house next year are far off. We also wanna move south next year, so we're working hard so that doesn't disappear also.

But overall, we're struggling, but we're together and we're happy and are counting our blessings.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Hey all, still lurkin here lol. Glad that everyone seems to be doing well though









Hubby and I celebrated 5 years of marriage yesterday







Even tho i had to go to work yesterday (couldnt get the day, let alone the week off), we had a really nice time going out to eat and came home and had a very nice time there too









Yesterday was supposed to be the culmination of our agreed upon "5 year Plan" to wait to have kids. No serious kid talk as of yet tho...too much going on...hubby is still laid off with no jobs in sight so he's working on his own graphic design biz. Im working on my own biz as well, as well as still working my fulltime job. We are stretching our lil monies to pay the bills that we can (which means many fall by the wayside, our credit is in the trash, ah well), so our original dreams of buying a house next year are far off. We also wanna move south next year, so we're working hard so that doesn't disappear also.

But overall, we're struggling, but we're together and we're happy and are counting our blessings.


Congratulations on five years of marriage







: In this world of zaniness, that is something to celebrate. I pray you and your husband will be able to achieve all of your dreams. Don't lose focus and watch more blessings unfold in your favor!


----------



## shayinme

I know some of ya'll are on Facebook but I didn't want to put my boy's business all out in the streets since he one of my FB friends.

Please see this thread in teens and give me some feedback.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1128970

Thanks!

Shay


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Congratulations on five years of marriage







: In this world of zaniness, that is something to celebrate. I pray you and your husband will be able to achieve all of your dreams. Don't lose focus and watch more blessings unfold in your favor!









Thank you, purplegirl!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I know some of ya'll are on Facebook but I didn't want to put my boy's business all out in the streets since he one of my FB friends.

Please see this thread in teens and give me some feedback.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1128970

Thanks!

Shay

I say he should move to be near you, but im a romantic that way and i also have no idea what its like to be a mom. But all the accolades that he has accumulated thus far wont just disappear, he will still have them to his credit in whichever way he wants to use them....but if he wants to be home with you, thas huge and maybe he needs that time with you for whatever reason.


----------



## Jannah6

: CONGRATULATIONS Brown Lioness

BTW, what is NMY?


----------



## Auraji

Hello everyone. My name is Aura, Im new here. Im from the Dominican Republic and now I live in a small town in PA. It's weird growing up in Santo Domingo, I never thought of myself as a woman of color and now that I live here and Im the only person of color I know. I cant help but think more about it and want to connect with others that dont make me feel different. It's not that anyone makes me feel different, but _I_ feel different.

I hope that's not misinterpreted.

What else can I say? I'm 23. I just had a beautiful baby daughter, she'll be 16 weeks tomorrow







. Im very excited to get to know you all and hopefully make some friendships.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
Not sure if many of you remember my post about going natural six months ago. I was ready for the change, really excited about my new look, and most importantly, I was confident. This was even in spite of my mom's lack of support.

Anyway, about two weeks ago, I was at a get-together with friends, when the subject of middle names came up. An acquaintance asked for mine and when I said it was Patrice, she said, "Oh yeah. Pat is perfect for you, you know since it's androgynous and all." Then she slapped her hand over her mouth and said, "I probably shouldn't have said that out loud, should I?" And she seemed really embarrassed about it.

I then asked her why shouldn't she have said it and she mumbled something about not wanting to offend anyone before walking away and that's when I realized that she didn't want to offend ME! And that she thought that my "look" was androgynous.

After that, I was down in the doldrums (I know, I'm dramatic) and I was really hurt and wondered if that's how everyone saw me and my new hair. I'm feeling a little better about it, but everytime I see this woman, I start to feel bad and wonder if I made the right choice.

Anybody BTDT?

I let my hair go natural 2 years ago. It was hard cutting it all off and I had days when I felt great about it and others when not so much. A year ago I cut it all off again because I wasnt taking good care of it. Now I have a BIG 'fro and it's healthy, but still drives me crazy sometimes. I just kinda get bored because I feel like I cant do anything with it but let it go wild and people love it, but it's everyday the same and however I do manage to style it doesnt really convince me. I've been thinking about straightening it again, but I dont know, I never really liked my chemically altered hair either, it looked boring lol
Im sorry you had that experience, but dont internalize it. It's your hair and you wear it how you want to, there's nothing androgynous about going natural and maybe if your hair is really short now, that's why she said it, but is not necessarily a bad thing. I did always when my hair was super short tried to accessorize more, big earrings, scarves wrapped on my head. I'm not saying you need to do anything, but if you're looking to feel more feminine, maybe those are some things that could help


----------



## Jannah6

: *Aura*, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby girl and welcome to the tribe.


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 







: *Aura*, CONGRATULATIONS on your new baby girl and welcome to the tribe.

Thank you!

I see you're from Brooklyn. I love it there so much









I need to catch up on all the post in this thread and get to know y'all better.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Thank you!

I see you're from Brooklyn. I love it there so much









I need to catch up on all the post in this thread and get to know y'all better.

I was raised in both Brooklyn and The Bronx. Do you have family in Brooklyn? One of my good friends moved to York PA and I'm making plans to visit her for a weekend







:. We lived in central New Jersey for 4 yrs, but came back to NY in 07. Eventually I'd like to move to either PA or VA. City life is not my cup of tea.


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I was raised in both Brooklyn and The Bronx. Do you have family in Brooklyn? One of my good friends moved to York PA and I'm making plans to visit her for a weekend







:. We lived in central New Jersey for 4 yrs, but came back to NY in 07. Eventually I'd like to move to either PA or VA. City life is not my cup of tea.

Let's trade places! I LOVE city life, it's just very stimulating for me to have things happening all the time and see the mix of cultures. Im a people watcher, it inspires me to write and here where I live there's no one to watch. I rarely even see people walking.

I have friends that live in Brooklyn, family in The Bronx. I used to live in Jersey City for like 4 months.

I live in Hatfield, PA. Way too small for me, Im trying to convince DP to move to Philly but he's not into it, we might compromise and move somewhere a bit more urban than here, but not a city either.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Let's trade places! I LOVE city life, it's just very stimulating for me to have things happening all the time and see the mix of cultures. Im a people watcher, it inspires me to write and here where I live there's no one to watch. I rarely even see people walking.

I have friends that live in Brooklyn, family in The Bronx. I used to live in Jersey City for like 4 months.

I live in Hatfield, PA. Way too small for me, Im trying to convince DP to move to Philly but he's not into it, we might compromise and move somewhere a bit more urban than here, but not a city either.

Don't tell me you're ready for a trade cuz my bags will be packed tomorrow







I grew up in the city all my life and never imagined that I'd leave NY. It was my DH idea to move to Edison, NJ and I really liked it. I like peaceful. I have enough going on with 6 kids








Where in the Bronx is your family. My mom and 4 of my siblings still live in the Bronx, the South Bronx.
You write? Is it for your personal viewing, like a journal. Or do you do blogging?


----------



## eilonwy

Hey Aura.







I live in Carlisle, grew up in Lancaster. Lancaster might fit the bill for you-- close enough to the middle of nowhere, but it almost feels like a city if you're downtown and Philly's just a $15 train ticket away.







Carlisle doesn't actually feel like a city at all, though it's certainly more urban than the middle of nowhere.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Hello everyone. My name is Aura, Im new here. Im from the Dominican Republic and now I live in a small town in PA. It's weird growing up in Santo Domingo, I never thought of myself as a woman of color and now that I live here and Im the only person of color I know. I cant help but think more about it and want to connect with others that dont make me feel different. It's not that anyone makes me feel different, but _I_ feel different.

I hope that's not misinterpreted.

What else can I say? I'm 23. I just had a beautiful baby daughter, she'll be 16 weeks tomorrow







. Im very excited to get to know you all and hopefully make some friendships.

I let my hair go natural 2 years ago. It was hard cutting it all off and I had days when I felt great about it and others when not so much. A year ago I cut it all off again because I wasnt taking good care of it. Now I have a BIG 'fro and it's healthy, but still drives me crazy sometimes. I just kinda get bored because I feel like I cant do anything with it but let it go wild and people love it, but it's everyday the same and however I do manage to style it doesnt really convince me. I've been thinking about straightening it again, but I dont know, I never really liked my chemically altered hair either, it looked boring lol
Im sorry you had that experience, but dont internalize it. It's your hair and you wear it how you want to, there's nothing androgynous about going natural and maybe if your hair is really short now, that's why she said it, but is not necessarily a bad thing. I did always when my hair was super short tried to accessorize more, big earrings, scarves wrapped on my head. I'm not saying you need to do anything, but if you're looking to feel more feminine, maybe those are some things that could help


Hey Aura. Welcome and congrats on your little one. I'm another city lover but suburban/tiny tiny town dweller.
Philly is where I was born and I miss it so much. I haven't lived there in years, but I visit very often. There are many places to live there that don't feel so 'city like'. My favorite part is the Germantown/Mt. Airy section. That part of Philly is nationally celebrated for being the most successfully integrated neighborhood in the country, back in the day. It is very charming and ultra crunchy! It is also home to a fantastic Co-op. If you get a chance, check it out!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_A...,_Pennsylvania


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Hello everyone. My name is Aura, Im new here. Im from the Dominican Republic and now I live in a small town in PA. It's weird growing up in Santo Domingo, I never thought of myself as a woman of color and now that I live here and Im the only person of color I know. I cant help but think more about it and want to connect with others that dont make me feel different. It's not that anyone makes me feel different, but _I_ feel different.

I hope that's not misinterpreted.

What else can I say? I'm 23. I just had a beautiful baby daughter, she'll be 16 weeks tomorrow







. Im very excited to get to know you all and hopefully make some friendships.

I let my hair go natural 2 years ago. It was hard cutting it all off and I had days when I felt great about it and others when not so much. A year ago I cut it all off again because I wasnt taking good care of it. Now I have a BIG 'fro and it's healthy, but still drives me crazy sometimes. I just kinda get bored because I feel like I cant do anything with it but let it go wild and people love it, but it's everyday the same and however I do manage to style it doesnt really convince me. I've been thinking about straightening it again, but I dont know, I never really liked my chemically altered hair either, it looked boring lol
Im sorry you had that experience, but dont internalize it. It's your hair and you wear it how you want to, there's nothing androgynous about going natural and maybe if your hair is really short now, that's why she said it, but is not necessarily a bad thing. I did always when my hair was super short tried to accessorize more, big earrings, scarves wrapped on my head. I'm not saying you need to do anything, but if you're looking to feel more feminine, maybe those are some things that could help

Welcome







:


----------



## CTH3989

Hi. Just popping in. My name is Chelci, I'm 20. Married for almost 2 years to my Marine. We have 2 little ones together and live in Hawaii.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CTH3989* 
Hi. Just popping in. My name is Chelci, I'm 20. Married for almost 2 years to my Marine. We have 2 little ones together and live in Hawaii.










Welcome, Chelci


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Hey Aura.







I live in Carlisle, grew up in Lancaster. Lancaster might fit the bill for you-- close enough to the middle of nowhere, but it almost feels like a city if you're downtown and Philly's just a $15 train ticket away.







Carlisle doesn't actually feel like a city at all, though it's certainly more urban than the middle of nowhere.









I have a friend that lives in Lancaster but I've never been there myself. I live close to the city, Im like 5 minutes away from Lansdale and I can take the train from there 12$ round trip









It's just not the same.


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey Aura. Welcome and congrats on your little one. I'm another city lover but suburban/tiny tiny town dweller.
Philly is where I was born and I miss it so much. I haven't lived there in years, but I visit very often. There are many places to live there that don't feel so 'city like'. My favorite part is the Germantown/Mt. Airy section. That part of Philly is nationally celebrated for being the most successfully integrated neighborhood in the country, back in the day. It is very charming and ultra crunchy! It is also home to a fantastic Co-op. If you get a chance, check it out!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_A...,_Pennsylvania

Why did you show me that?!? Im in loveeeeeeee


----------



## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 







: CONGRATULATIONS Brown Lioness

BTW, what is NMY?

Thank you!

Oh, NMY is one of MDC's tribes; it means Not Mamas Yet









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Hello everyone. My name is Aura, Im new here. Im from the Dominican Republic and now I live in a small town in PA. It's weird growing up in Santo Domingo, I never thought of myself as a woman of color and now that I live here and Im the only person of color I know. I cant help but think more about it and want to connect with others that dont make me feel different. It's not that anyone makes me feel different, but _I_ feel different.

I hope that's not misinterpreted.

What else can I say? I'm 23. I just had a beautiful baby daughter, she'll be 16 weeks tomorrow







. Im very excited to get to know you all and hopefully make some friendships.

I let my hair go natural 2 years ago. It was hard cutting it all off and I had days when I felt great about it and others when not so much. A year ago I cut it all off again because I wasnt taking good care of it. Now I have a BIG 'fro and it's healthy, but still drives me crazy sometimes. I just kinda get bored because I feel like I cant do anything with it but let it go wild and people love it, but it's everyday the same and however I do manage to style it doesnt really convince me. I've been thinking about straightening it again, but I dont know, I never really liked my chemically altered hair either, it looked boring lol
Im sorry you had that experience, but dont internalize it. It's your hair and you wear it how you want to, there's nothing androgynous about going natural and maybe if your hair is really short now, that's why she said it, but is not necessarily a bad thing. I did always when my hair was super short tried to accessorize more, big earrings, scarves wrapped on my head. I'm not saying you need to do anything, but if you're looking to feel more feminine, maybe those are some things that could help

Welcome, Auraji!!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CTH3989* 
Hi. Just popping in. My name is Chelci, I'm 20. Married for almost 2 years to my Marine. We have 2 little ones together and live in Hawaii.


Welcome Chelci!!!


----------



## Sorin

Welcome ladies!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Why did you show me that?!? Im in loveeeeeeee









I long to live there again. It's not going to happen though *sigh*


----------



## CTH3989

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 








Welcome, Chelci

Thank you!


----------



## Sorin

Hi, ladies! I've got some family stuff that just popped up and I posted about over on the "Pregnant" board.

I'd appreciate any advice you can give me, either here or there.

Thanks!


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Don't tell me you're ready for a trade cuz my bags will be packed tomorrow







I grew up in the city all my life and never imagined that I'd leave NY. It was my DH idea to move to Edison, NJ and I really liked it. I like peaceful. I have enough going on with 6 kids








Where in the Bronx is your family. My mom and 4 of my siblings still live in the Bronx, the South Bronx.
You write? Is it for your personal viewing, like a journal. Or do you do blogging?


I didnt mean to ignore your post, sorry, sometimes I can be a little ADD









Im not sure where in the Bronx they live, I've never been to their place and we're not like super close family.

And the writing is mostly in Spanish, I used to have a blog, www.demicacopafuera.blogspot.com, but most of what's there is in Spanish and I havent posted anything there in a LONG time. They publish a short story of mine back in Santo Domingo on a magazine, but lately I never find the time or the inspiration to write. It makes me kinda sad, I miss it.


----------



## Auraji

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 







I long to live there again. It's not going to happen though *sigh*


Where do you live now?

I told DP and he said we're moving there!!! He likes it a lot and we even have friends that live there, I just didnt know.

I started looking up places in craiglist and the rent is way cheaper from where we live now. Our lease is up in a couple of months, so we're planning on going and checking out a lot of places on a weekend.

Yay! Thank you for telling me about Mt. Airy, this place was going to drive me insaaaaaane.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Auraji* 
Where do you live now?

I told DP and he said we're moving there!!! He likes it a lot and we even have friends that live there, I just didnt know.

I started looking up places in craiglist and the rent is way cheaper from where we live now. Our lease is up in a couple of months, so we're planning on going and checking out a lot of places on a weekend.

Yay! Thank you for telling me about Mt. Airy, this place was going to drive me insaaaaaane.


I am in boring Delaware. Actually, I'm only about 30 mins. from Philly and go there often.

I am so excited about the prospect of you living in Mt.Airy. It is such a very cool place--crunchy, diverse, intellectual and just beautiful.

The houses are to die for---old and extraordinarily charming. I rented several apartments when I lived there and talk about unique. Keep me posted on things.


----------



## Jannah6

Hubby just told me that we're going to VA next week for the wkend







:







:
 






:

Where should we go. I want the children to have a blast, but most of all I want to feel like I'm on vacation(especially before I start homeschooling)KWIM?


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## eilonwy

Bean & Boobah went [separately] to Colonial Williamsburg with their grandparents. They both had a fabulous time, though in different activities.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Hubby just told me that we're going to VA next week for the wkend







:







:







:

Where should we go. I want the children to have a blast, but most of all I want to feel like I'm on vacation(especially before I start homeschooling)KWIM?

I definitely second williamsburg. There is stuff for everyone. It's historical and quite the charming little town!! I'm excited for you.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I definitely second williamsburg. There is stuff for everyone. It's historical and quite the charming little town!! I'm excited for you.

I want to go, too. I've been bugging DH to take us on a trip to Colonial Williamsburg for years now.

And before I forget- welcome to all the new members! yay!


----------



## Jannah6

Thanks ladies, I'll check it out. I think it can also be a teaching lesson









If we go, I'd like to take the children to these

http://www.history.org/visit/eventsA..._date=9/3/2009


----------



## Jannah6

I'm always thinking about how rulers of countries live in luxury while their citizens live in such disrepair





















. I was watching a program about Ethiopia and the terrible conditions that so many people live in. It was a tear jerker, especially when you see the children. Then I started thinking, what can I do? So, I've decided not to take the trip to VA, but instead to donate at least $500 to charity(just have to tell my DH







).
I think that DH will be on board, especially since the trip was really for me. I just really don't know where to donate to. I want the money to really go to the needy, KWIM? Does anyone have any experience with reliable charities?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I'm always thinking about how rulers of countries live in luxury while their citizens live in such disrepair





















. I was watching a program about Ethiopia and the terrible conditions that so many people live in. It was a tear jerker, especially when you see the children. Then I started thinking, what can I do? So, I've decided not to take the trip to VA, but instead to donate at least $500 to charity(just have to tell my DH







).
I think that DH will be on board, especially since the trip was really for me. I just really don't know where to donate to. I want the money to really go to the needy, KWIM? Does anyone have any experience with reliable charities?

Is there a church or a mosque that you pass often that has an established ministry to assist the poor or homeless. You could purchase $500 worth of needed food items for a food pantry or soup kitchen.


----------



## Jannah6

Thanks Pia. I could do one or both of those options, but I'm thinking non US poor. I already have something in mind for locally.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Unicef, unless you are anti vacc.


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## eilonwy

Jannah, have you considered asking at Mosque? For Jews, tzedakah (not charity) is a very very important deal, and the highest form is when the person giving doesn't know where it's going and the person receiving doesn't know where it's coming from.. so if I had a sum of money that I wanted to donate to a worthy cause, I'd write it out to my congregation's tzedakah fund and ask them to apply it to whatever cause they saw fit. Of course, this presupposes that I agree with most of the choices they make for charitable contributions.


----------



## olliepop

A white woman who has adopted an AA girl has approached me about help with her dd's hair. The little girl's hair is natural and since I went natural 8 months ago and I'm one of the only AA people w/natural hair they kind of know, she asked me.

I told them that I would be happy to help. I shared some products with them, but the little girl's hair still doesn't look too hot, so I offered to do some two strand twists. I think she would look absolutely ADORABLE with twists and a little bow. (She's 5.)

The mom took me up on the offer. If they like it, I will show the mom how to do it. They only live a few blocks away and I would even do it on a regular basis, if they needed me to.

My question is: What do I say to this little girl? I want to make it a great, positive experience and don't want to offend her or her mother. She may wonder why I'm coming in to help and why I'm teaching her mom or why her mom can't do it.


----------



## eilonwy

I've spent a fair amount of time braiding & twisting little girls' hair because their mothers didn't know how to do it or weren't able to for whatever reason. Most of the time, the girls were just tickled to have someone who was happy to be spending time with them and with their hair in a positive way. If she's confused or has questions, I'd probably say something about how when we have questions, we ask people we think can help us. Her mom had questions about her hair, so she asked someone with similar hair for advice. I'm sure that at five, the kid knows that she and her mother have very different hair.







You might tell her that her mother must love her very much to ask for help/advice on her behalf, because it's hard to admit that you don't know something like that and because her mother clearly wants her to be happy with her hair and to look cute and tidy.









Just wanted to add: Mad props to you!







That was sweet of you to offer to help.


----------



## olliepop

Thanks eilonwy. That's exactly what I was looking for. I'll let you know how it goes!


----------



## oyinmama

dittoing the great advice from eilonwy - and the props!!

also, don't discount the positivity that will come from her just even knowing/seeing/spending positive time with an adult with hair like hers. plenty of little black girls with two black parents don't have that kind of unspoken affirmation for their natural hair, b/c the grownup women in their life may wear perms, weaves, etc. so another thing that may be nice would be to drop a couple of we-share-this-experience comments while doing her hair like, 'this was my favorite way to wear my hair when i was your age' or 'one thing that's great about our kind of cottony hair is that it can hold twists like this really well' or whatever.


----------



## olliepop

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I've spent a fair amount of time braiding & twisting little girls' hair because their mothers didn't know how to do it or weren't able to for whatever reason. Most of the time, the girls were just tickled to have someone who was happy to be spending time with them and with their hair in a positive way. If she's confused or has questions, I'd probably say something about how when we have questions, we ask people we think can help us. Her mom had questions about her hair, so she asked someone with similar hair for advice. I'm sure that at five, the kid knows that she and her mother have very different hair.







You might tell her that her mother must love her very much to ask for help/advice on her behalf, because it's hard to admit that you don't know something like that and because her mother clearly wants her to be happy with her hair and to look cute and tidy.









Just wanted to add: Mad props to you!







That was sweet of you to offer to help.









I did it! Thank you so much for your advice. Her mom was really happy with her hair, but it took a lot longer than I expected. It took about two hours, but I chalk that up to it being the first time and the condition of her hair, which will be better the next time around. Although I was only doing a favor and I really just wanted to help them out, her mom insisted on paying me. She gave me WAY too much - I _almost_ didn't accept it.









My question for you, since you twist and braid little girls' hair, is what is fair to charge? She would like me to do it every 2 weeks. This may or may not include washing it. Could you help me come up with a price? TIA!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
I did it! Thank you so much for your advice. Her mom was really happy with her hair, but it took a lot longer than I expected. It took about two hours, but I chalk that up to it being the first time and the condition of her hair, which will be better the next time around. Although I was only doing a favor and I really just wanted to help them out, her mom insisted on paying me. She gave me WAY too much - I _almost_ didn't accept it.









My question for you, since you twist and braid little girls' hair, is what is fair to charge? She would like me to do it every 2 weeks. This may or may not include washing it. Could you help me come up with a price? TIA!

I cornrow the hair of friends daughter. I drive about fifteen minutes to get to their home. She feeds me, and keeps my son when I need to run errands.

If you like and trust the mom you could tell her that the best payment would be an eveneing of babysitting.

If you all both prefer money as a payment, $35to $50 would be acceptable. One salon in my area charges $65, the other $85 and up.


----------



## eilonwy

I never charged all that much; Supplies, certainly (because my hair is very different, so if I needed something else I'd have to buy it) and a little bit for time, but mostly I did it because I wanted the girls to look cute and be happy. In at least two cases I offered because I was tired of seeing the kids look like miserable messes.







I've always been a fan of happy children.


----------



## futurmama8

If I am just doing her hair, I would probably charge $20 dollars at the most. It would be different if I had to go get her or something. I think the exchange for babysitting is a great idea. I like doing people's hair and I don't see it much as a chore or a job so that is why I wouldn't charge much. Now for twists I would charge maybe $15 dollars, braids depending on how small or complex about $20.


----------



## Jannah6

In NYC most salons charge $30 to do little girls hair. I think that's a fair price.


----------



## olliepop

Thanks for all your responses. I think I am going to go with $20, since they insist on paying and it will take about an hour to an hour and a half, for now.

Quote:

If you like and trust the mom you could tell her that the best payment would be an eveneing of babysitting.
I like the idea of bartering, but they have four children of their own and my little one is still a little too little for that, but I will definitely keep it in mind for the future.

Quote:

...her mother clearly wants her to be happy with her hair and to look cute and tidy.
She does. I just wish I'd met them sooner. Her mother had all this product, from Carol's Daughter to Curly Pudding, but was just at a loss about what to do with it. I'm really glad I could help.

Quote:

I've always been a fan of happy children.
















: I heard that she is showing everyone her hair and just beaming when she does it.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 







: I heard that she is showing everyone her hair and just beaming when she does it.









Aww!







: Go you!


----------



## oyinmama




----------



## chanibell

Ladies, maybe I overreacted a bit,but I was on etsy looking for AA jewelry. I was hoping to find something cute I guess. I mean its etsy...

So I was a bit taken aback when I saw this kid's bracelet of a little AA girl who was eating watermelon.

I was shocked. Maybe I should have let it go,but I e-mailed the artist and said that I felt this item was out of place. I mean why watermelon? Should I have just taken it as "cute" or should I have kept my mouth shut and chalked it up to what I think to be racially insensitive.

Me and my thoughts....

So she writes back and said it was a commissioned piece for an AA mother...
















Then goes on to tell me its not racist its cute b/c Gymboree has something similar and before I write people telling them this I need to basically "check myself" so to speak.

What do ya'll think?


----------



## olliepop

I remember the Gymboree watermelon bracelet. There was no AA girl eating watermelon on it.

Is there a Caucasian version of the same bracelet on her site? Personally, I find it offensive as well.


----------



## eilonwy

Well, she was clearly defensive with you which leads me to believe that she had some reason to be defensive (namely that she understood your point when you said it was racially insensitive). I can't think why an AA mother would commission such a thing, but...







To each their own.

I probably would have done the same, though, and someone telling me to "check myself" when I allege racism would get a thorough "check" of their own.







:


----------



## Bloomingstar

Ditto Rynna. Also, I went on etsy looking for it and the "watermelon eatinng sweet gal" description was a bit much for me. The way I see it, we know how overdone black folks eating watermelon is as an offensive historical part of American visual culture. Wouldn't it just make sense to lay off? I mean, why can't she eat a strawberry or a cookie or something? Why does she have to be eating something at all? The charm is not as horrid as I imagined (heh) but I certainly would never EVER consider buying it for anyone because of course everyone I know would say why on earth would you buy a bracelet of a little black girl eating watermelon? It rubs the wrong way, you know?

I looked at some of her other stuff and even her "monster" gets to be a "girl" and not a "gal." She's also in Alabama. I call b.s.!


----------



## chanibell

Thanks Purple for the input and to all the other mamas. She didn't get my point and said " May god help your children" "There's no racism here how dare you" "This is harassment I will report you".

So clearly didn't get it...nope.

I told her:" I will report myself"
" Maybe you can show this item to your black friends and see what they think?"

I know...always gotta give a jab!

But ya'll know what I'm feeling and not one person didn't say WTF about it.

Someone tried to sell a Nazi flag with special handmade trim on Etsy this past year. Etsy apologized and closed it down.

I really respected this site...now I'm not sure.

Is art subjective...guess so....

Yeah, I saw the link she posted to me and there are no AA little girls eating watermelon on Gymboree clothing. Imagine how that would go over?.....


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
I remember the Gymboree watermelon bracelet. There was no AA girl eating watermelon on it.

Is there a Caucasian version of the same bracelet on her site? Personally, I find it offensive as well.

There is a =tags&includes[]=title]caucasian version of the bracelet with the same description.

I would purchase it if I had a girl.

Black people are so sensitive about the watermelon stereotype, yet we purchase and eat them. I don't get it.

Why must it be implied that the seller is racist just because she lives in Alabama. Bigotry does not reside only in Alabama or below the mason dixon line.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chanibell* 
Ladies, maybe I overreacted a bit,but I was on etsy looking for AA jewelry. I was hoping to find something cute I guess. I mean its etsy...

So I was a bit taken aback when I saw this kid's bracelet of a little AA girl who was eating watermelon.

I was shocked. Maybe I should have let it go,but I e-mailed the artist and said that I felt this item was out of place. I mean why watermelon? Should I have just taken it as "cute" or should I have kept my mouth shut and chalked it up to what I think to be racially insensitive.

Me and my thoughts....

So she writes back and said it was a commissioned piece for an AA mother...
















Then goes on to tell me its not racist its cute b/c Gymboree has something similar and before I write people telling them this I need to basically "check myself" so to speak.

What do ya'll think?


If its the piece I just saw (seller in Semmes AL) I can't say it struck me as being racist. I was expecting an early Americana style piece with exagerated Black features. I can honestly see where a Black parent saw the white version she did and wanted a Black version for their own kid.

That said, I think she has poor customer relations skills and handled the situation poorly.


----------



## olliepop

Quote:

There is a =tags&includes[]=title]caucasian version of the bracelet with the same description.
In and of itself, the bracelet seemed offensive. Now in the context of having a caucasian counterpart, it seems... less offensive.

Quote:

Black people are so sensitive about the watermelon stereotype, yet we purchase and eat them. I don't get it.
I actually have a friend who won't eat watermelon in public b/c of the stereotype.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
In and of itself, the bracelet seemed offensive. Now in the context of having a caucasian counterpart, it seems... less offensive.

I actually have a friend who won't eat watermelon in public b/c of the stereotype.









I would have been offended if the girl face had big eyes and big red greasy lips and pikinny plaits, but I think that the bracelet is cute. It is rare to find cute accessories with a brown face. Parent lament all the time about wanting items that look like their child, and when someone does it their motives are questioned.

If I were the seller I, too, would be miffed, but I hope that I would have expressed my feelings with more tact.

My friend and I always joke that if the city of Alpharetta, GA wanted to kill blacks in the city, they could poision the watermelon sold at Taste of Alpharetta. But, a great deal of caucasians would die too. The watermelon stand is always crowded.


----------



## ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends,

I could use some good thoughts/healing vibes:
DH, DS and I were coming back from a great camping trip in NH on Labor Day when I was cut off by another car.
I turned to avoid him and the car started to swing around so I swung around to avoid hitting more cars and ended up in the median where the dip in the grass caused the car to flip over a couple of times(I only know this because my DH told me, I was knocked out). The car was completely totaled.
I was taken to one hospital, DS & DH were taken to another one twenty minutes away so for a couple of hours I didn't know how they were. I finally got word that they were fine and they came to the hospital where I was.
I have a neck fracture, a very badly banged up left arm and some small cuts on my face. And I am on a driving restriction because of the neck brace and sling that I have to wear.
DH and DS didn't even get a scratch! But they were pretty traumatized by the whole experience because they were awake and alert throughout the whole ordeal.
Please tell everyone that you know that we are all alive because we were all wearing our seatbelts. I shudder to think what would have happened if we weren't.
I am now trying to deal with the insurance and health care systems, and please believe me when I say that something really has to change! And I say this as someone who has "excellent" coverage! Everything is being delayed while the different insurance departments/companies decide who has to pay and the specialists won't see you until they know that you are covered! What a mess!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## JustKiya

Oh, Erika!!! I'm very glad to hear that you & yours are okay, and many goodvibes that the whole insurance thing gets sorted out, and quickly!


----------



## eilonwy

, Erika. That must have been so scary for your husband and son, and be so so icky for you.


----------



## shayinme

Ericka, so glad to hear you are ok and sorry to hear you are dealing with insurance drama. I think your story is just one of many reminders of the issues with the current state of health care...sending healing vibes your way.

Shay


----------



## rootzdawta

Sending many healing thoughts your way. I hope you recover quickly.

And yeah, I know about "insurance" even with "excellent coverage". It makes my heart hurt for those who have minimal or no coverage.


----------



## nnaemeka

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hello Sisterfriends,

I could use some good thoughts/healing vibes:
DH, DS and I were coming back from a great camping trip in NH on Labor Day when I was cut off by another car.
I turned to avoid him and the car started to swing around so I swung around to avoid hitting more cars and ended up in the median where the dip in the grass caused the car to flip over a couple of times(I only know this because my DH told me, I was knocked out). The car was completely totaled.
I was taken to one hospital, DS & DH were taken to another one twenty minutes away so for a couple of hours I didn't know how they were. I finally got word that they were fine and they came to the hospital where I was.
I have a neck fracture, a very badly banged up left arm and some small cuts on my face. And I am on a driving restriction because of the neck brace and sling that I have to wear.
DH and DS didn't even get a scratch! But they were pretty traumatized by the whole experience because they were awake and alert throughout the whole ordeal.
Please tell everyone that you know that we are all alive because we were all wearing our seatbelts. I shudder to think what would have happened if we weren't.
I am now trying to deal with the insurance and health care systems, and please believe me when I say that something really has to change! And I say this as someone who has "excellent" coverage! Everything is being delayed while the different insurance departments/companies decide who has to pay and the specialists won't see you until they know that you are covered! What a mess!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

wow, Erika! i am so sorry to hear of your car accident though i am glad you and Dh and Ds are safe and sound. we (me, dh and baby) survived a car flipping crash this year too. unforgettable experience. i'm sending my prayers of healing to you all.

and i won't even get riled up about health care at this late hour--but just know we're still paying for the very basic emergency care we received after the accident, so i feel you!


----------



## ErikaDP

Thanks Everyone for all of your well wishes! I have really needed them!
The last week has been pretty rough, but I am determined to get back to some kind of normal routine very soon.
Please continue to send healing vibes, good thoughts and prayers my way!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## eilonwy

Always, Erika.


----------



## Brown Lioness

*prayers going up for Erika*

And the evil eye out to them darn health insurance dummies, grr!


----------



## bajamergrrl

Oh my goodness! So glad things didn't turn out any worse, Erika. I hope this insurance thing gets resolved soon and that you and your family heal quickly.


----------



## purplegirl

Erika, what a frightening experience. I'm just glad you weren't hurt any worse. Of course, the emotional part will last far longer than the physical damage. Take care of yourself and I pray the insurance stuff works out.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Ericka, I hope that you and your family recover quickly.


----------



## olliepop

Did anyone see today's show? Oprah and Chris Rock discussed his new docu-comedy, Good Hair. The show didn't really delve deep enough for me -- I thought there would be more discussion, in general. Perhaps a panel to show the broad range of African American hair and also, maybe some celebs that chose to rock a natural do, rather than snippets of celebs w/weaves and pieces.

Maybe the movie will show more of that? Thoughts?


----------



## ErikaDP

Hi Olliepop,

I only caught the last twenty minutes or so and I was impressed with what I saw.
I especially liked the mother from CA who cut her processed hair off and went natural as a statement to/for her young daughter.
I normally don't watch Oprah(I am usually not home)and I didn't see the first half of the show, but after what I did see I really would like to see the part that I missed.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## ErikaDP

Thanks for all of the well wishes everybody! They have lifted my spirits enormously!
It has been a really rough couple of weeks and I really could use a good night's sleep but I know how blessed my family and I are to have survived the accident.
Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## olliepop

I remember a post about this movie and questions about what kind of merchandising Disney would do for this princess. Thought some of you might be interested in seeing some of the toys.

http://celebrity-babies.com/2009/02/...g-toy-roundup/

Also Carol's Daughter has Princess and the Frog products for a limited time only:

http://www.carolsdaughter.com/


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
Did anyone see today's show? Oprah and Chris Rock discussed his new docu-comedy, Good Hair. The show didn't really delve deep enough for me -- I thought there would be more discussion, in general. Perhaps a panel to show the broad range of African American hair and also, maybe some celebs that chose to rock a natural do, rather than snippets of celebs w/weaves and pieces.

Maybe the movie will show more of that? Thoughts?

I tivo'ed the show but haven't watched it yet. I'll come back to discuss once I've watched it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Olliepop,

I only caught the last twenty minutes or so and I was impressed with what I saw.
I especially liked the mother from CA who cut her processed hair off and went natural as a statement to/for her young daughter.
I normally don't watch Oprah(I am usually not home)and I didn't see the first half of the show, but after what I did see I really would like to see the part that I missed.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Erika, I continue to hold you and the family in my thoughts. I can't imagine how you are feeling but, I pray for your complete healing


----------



## chanibell

I missed Chris Rock on Oprah as well. Ive been reading that many people are going to boycott the movie. I am interested in seeing it. Has anyone read the book HairStories? Its a history about AA hair and I think a good read.

I guess we'll just have to make an opinion about the movie when it comes to our towns.....

As for Princess and the Frog...when is that coming out? I haven't heard anything about it in a long time.


----------



## jeca

How scary Erika. I'm glad to hear your son and Dh are okay. I hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Draupadi

Sending healing vibes to you, Erika. The other day we got into a heated discussion with DH's father about using seat belts and carseats. He didn't get it.
Please take care and rest up!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chanibell* 
I missed Chris Rock on Oprah as well. *Ive been reading that many people are going to boycott the movie.* I am interested in seeing it. Has anyone read the book HairStories? Its a history about AA hair and I think a good read.

I guess we'll just have to make an opinion about the movie when it comes to our towns.....

As for Princess and the Frog...when is that coming out? I haven't heard anything about it in a long time.

Why are people boycotting the movie?


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Why are people boycotting the movie?

There are some that feel he is not the one to tell the story of Black women's hair struggles, others who feel he is a buffoon. Frankly I would like to see this if it were to open anywhere near me but as I live in Maine, that probably won't happen.

I saw his piece when he was on Oprah and I was struck by how he got interested in the topic, it was his daughters talking about their own hair...frankly that is powerful to me.

I may not always like everything Rock says but I do like him.

Shay


----------



## Kia74

I pop onto mothering every now and then for some specific info but had lost track of this tribe!

I'm Kia, mom to 6 year old Nola and Ellington who will be 5 next month. I had a miscarriage a couple of months ago but hope to have more babies before all is said and done.

We live right outside of Atlanta but will be relocating to Central FL at the end of the school year. Which will be a huge change on all fronts!

With Ellington in a half day pre K, I have been able to do some work with a non profit here and have been checking out possibilities for the same once we move.

A big hello to all the names I recognize as well as those that are new to me









Kia


----------



## bayberry*moon

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chanibell* 
As for Princess and the Frog...when is that coming out? I haven't heard anything about it in a long time.

It comes out December 11th. If you're lucky enough to live in NY or LA, they have special advanced screenings there starting Thanksgiving Weekend.


----------



## Kia74

Here are the first five minutes of Disney's The Princess and the Frog
http://community.livejournal.com/ohn.../39840525.html


----------



## jeca

I'm sorry to hear that Kia.


----------



## Kia74

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
I'm sorry to hear that Kia.









Thanks, jeca. I have been really lucky in the fertility & pregnancy sweepstakes so the experience made me even more appreciative of what I do have.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Hi Kia! Please send me cool weather.

*sigh* I miss Atlanta.


----------



## rootzdawta

(((hugs))) Kia! I do hope you are able to have another baby in the perfect time/space sequence!

Just wanted to give you all an update since I shared my predicament before. I've finally come to a place of peace about not having more children. I've been very honest with myself and took a hard look at our situation and, it's just not fair to bring another child into the family. Plus, more and more, I find myself looking forward to when I can pay more attention to myself. And looking forward to little things like carrying a regular handbag again. It's been hard to let go of the vision of myself with 3 to 4 kids and embracing what is . . . and I sometimes have dark thoughts that make me not want to do anything so final. But, it's the right thing to do. IUD? Tried and failed. Don't want to do hormonal bc. And the barrier method? Well, it stinks. So there it is. Rootzdawta, mom to 2 boys and none on the way.


----------



## DCMama01

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
There are some that feel he is not the one to tell the story of Black women's hair struggles, others who feel he is a buffoon. Frankly I would like to see this if it were to open anywhere near me but as I live in Maine, that probably won't happen.

I saw his piece when he was on Oprah and I was struck by how he got interested in the topic, it was his daughters talking about their own hair...frankly that is powerful to me.

I may not always like everything Rock says but I do like him.

Shay

I saw the film last weekend and I thought he did a pretty good job with the topic. I've been natural for quite awhile and still learned something.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
There are some that feel he is not the one to tell the story of Black women's hair struggles, others who feel he is a buffoon. Frankly I would like to see this if it were to open anywhere near me but as I live in Maine, that probably won't happen.

I saw his piece when he was on Oprah and I was struck by how he got interested in the topic, it was his daughters talking about their own hair...frankly that is powerful to me.

I may not always like everything Rock says but I do like him.

Shay

I actually like him, too.

That said, I'll wait to see it on Netflix.


----------



## eilonwy

Just peeking in. Life is crazy busy, but I'm having a reasonable amount of fun so who am I to complain?


----------



## Jannah6

ETA: Disregard what was previously written, it was the wrong address.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
(((hugs))) Kia! I do hope you are able to have another baby in the perfect time/space sequence!

Just wanted to give you all an update since I shared my predicament before. I've finally come to a place of peace about not having more children. I've been very honest with myself and took a hard look at our situation and, it's just not fair to bring another child into the family. Plus, more and more, I find myself looking forward to when I can pay more attention to myself. And looking forward to little things like carrying a regular handbag again. It's been hard to let go of the vision of myself with 3 to 4 kids and embracing what is . . . and I sometimes have dark thoughts that make me not want to do anything so final. But, it's the right thing to do. IUD? Tried and failed. Don't want to do hormonal bc. And the barrier method? Well, it stinks. So there it is. Rootzdawta, mom to 2 boys and none on the way.


















Remember, you can't see past the bend in the road. Who knows what is to come.


----------



## Jannah6

Rootzdawta BIG







s


----------



## jeca

He is a comedian and if it didn't have a comedic twist in it I wouldn't bother seeing it from him. I've personally always liked him but will wait to see it on dvd. I don't think it will come to my area anytime soon anyway.

rootzdawta







Dh and I have had this discussion several times with the shoe on the other foot. He wants more and I was done one child ago. I wanted two, he wanted four, we ended up with three so I think that's a happy compromise. He still wants another but with them all being in school now I can't see going back.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Just wanted to share.....

A few months ago I inquired about Howard University. I have decided to apply to both Howard and the school here that offers Radiation Therapy and Nutrition. A double major, maybe. I am beyond excited about the prospect of attending Howard and moving to Washington, D.C.

I guess that the hardest part of this move is applying to schools for myself and Andrew. At this point I have chosen four schools to which he will apply, and I am quite nervous. The idea of him taking the WPPSI is somewhat daunting to me, but it is what it is. Andrew is intelligent, but as a monther, I can't help but worry.

If any of you D.C. Metro area moms have any input on schools let me know.

I think that we will live in NE DC, not too far from Howard, and DH will work somewhere on a Metro line, the idea of being able to "park" at least one car has us giddy.

Thanks for reading.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Many







to you Kia.

Congrats to you Andrewsmother! I'm excited to see you fulfill your dream.


----------



## Kia74

Thanks everyone for the warm wishes.

Andrewsmother, we are relocating and my kids will be going from a small private school to a good but large public one and we are doing psych educational evaluation for placement. I'm pretty confident that my daughter at 6.5 will test "well". Her confidence and general ease with strangers has improved considerably the last couple of years. My son will be 5 next month and I'm not sure what to expect from his evaluation. I hope your move goes smoothly on all fronts.


----------



## purplegirl

Hello lovelies! I haven't posted here in a minute.
First Kia, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.







. I pray you will be successful in the future.

Rootz, I can relate to finally concluding that you're done. My perspective is slightly different because I don't have children. It took me years to be final with the inevitability, but when I got there, I found peace.

AM, good luck with your schooling and relocation. I am partial to the DC area because my husband is there during most of the week. Lately, I've been spending more time with him in the District and loving every minute of it. In fact, just last week we were on the HU campus. DC is a great city in many aspects. I can't recommend any schools, but I would be happy to ask him what his family and friends recommend for schooling. He and I toy with the idea of just moving there. The problem is I am self employed and the housing market would make it difficult to sell at this time.

My life is pretty much unchanged. I am busy working but not complaining. My dh and I have devised a schedule so we see more of each other. In some ways, it makes our lives more complicated but for now, it's working. Next summer, I think I am going to move to the DC area but keep my practice and only work three days. I'll spend the rest of the week my dh and his boys. I don't want to give up my practice because it has grown tremendously, yet I hate being apart from Mike. He is self employed too, so the complications of our lives means one of us has to make changes. I think it will have to be me. Right now we have two houses, four cars and all the expensive that comes with maintaining two households. Ugh. In this economy, it makes no sense. Our plan is to scale back and simplify which has been an ongoing discussion; now it's time to act! So as it evolves, I'll keep you all posted. My FB friends will know from my status updates









Welcome to the new members who pop in occasionally. It's always nice to see new folks join our tribe.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 

Congrats to you Andrewsmother! I'm excited to see you fulfill your dream.

Thank you!!! Excitement is contagious.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kia74* 

Andrewsmother, we are relocating and my kids will be going from a small private school to a good but large public one and we are doing psych educational evaluation for placement. I'm pretty confident that my daughter at 6.5 will test "well". Her confidence and general ease with strangers has improved considerably the last couple of years. My son will be 5 next month and I'm not sure what to expect from his evaluation. I hope your move goes smoothly on all fronts.

Finding a school for DS is creates more stress than my educational pursuits. The competition for private school entry is stiff, and even more so in a bad economy. I went through this last year, and I don't know if I am ready for another season of interviews and observations. Andrew has no idea as to what is going on, and my husband could care less, as long as Andrew is in a good school. I have to fill out the applications, write the essays and drive to the post office daily looking for the letter.

Thanks!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 

AM, good luck with your schooling and relocation. I am partial to the DC area because my husband is there during most of the week. Lately, I've been spending more time with him in the District and loving every minute of it. In fact, just last week we were on the HU campus. DC is a great city in many aspects. I can't recommend any schools, but I would be happy to ask him what his family and friends recommend for schooling. He and I toy with the idea of just moving there. The problem is I am self employed and the housing market would make it difficult to sell at this time.


Most of my family has moved to DC, and the area is good to them. DH has a few concerned superiors who have told him that he is the wrong shade of brown to advance in this region, and moving east would benefit his career with his company.









I have contacted 4 schools, and would love for DS to continue in a International Setting, but I am not pleased with the curriculum at Washington International School(WIS). At his current school DS would have the option of taking all but one of his classes in French. WIS appears to only offer that option in the Spanish Language. After spening this year immersed in the French language, I would not want to change him to another language.

There is a French School that I will contact on Thursday. I would like to apply to 5 or 6 schools, but application fees add up, and I don't know if I
have the time to complete that many application packets.

Purple, I wish you and your husband all the best. You have a sweet soul that is evident online. I like that!


----------



## Barbamama

Congratulations, Andrewsmother! I'm in the DC area, (live in NE as well) Welcome!









On the schools front -- I'm surprised that WIS's Spanish and French immersion curricula aren't on par with one another. I have a friend who teaches at WIS, I need to ask her about this.

I've been planning a French immersion education for DD, can't say that I know everything about all of the options, but I'd be happy to compare notes/share observations with you.

All the best.


----------



## Brown Lioness

Congrats, Andrewsmother! If you need any help with Howard, let me know.

WOO, HOO, Bison! lol


----------



## olliepop

If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?


----------



## jeca

Why aren't I getting any updates on this thread?








The terms used wouldn't matter much as long as they are terms the child understands, at least to my kids.
Anyone gearing up for Thanksgiving? we don't live near any family so ours will be small as usual. We do have a conflict this year. Dh's favorite football team will be in town on TGD to play. I know he wants to go even if he won't say so. So what do you think?


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Mixed!









Speaking of, I was in Target last week and saw these books for the first time. Has anyone read them?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbamama* 
Congratulations, Andrewsmother! I'm in the DC area, (live in NE as well) Welcome!









On the schools front -- I'm surprised that WIS's Spanish and French immersion curricula aren't on par with one another. I have a friend who teaches at WIS, I need to ask her about this.

I've been planning a French immersion education for DD, can't say that I know everything about all of the options, but I'd be happy to compare notes/share observations with you.

All the best.

Barbamama, French International follows the French Education system curriculum which includes about 5 hours of English Instruction a week above grade 1. All other classes are taught in French.
During PK3-K, only 2.5. to 5 hours of weekly English instruction is provided.

Washington International follows the International Baccalaureate Primary Years Program (PYP). Half the course time is spent in English and the other half in the chosen language. French International spends more time each day instructing in the French Language.

I don't like the PYP curriculum when compared to that of the French Ministry. I would prefer solid instruction in the 2nd language up until grade 5 or 6, then move Andrew to a school like WIS that offers more than 1 hour a day of the 2nd language, a healthy dose of English, and the introduction to a third language.

I would love to compare notes with you. I will pm you my email address.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Congrats, Andrewsmother! If you need any help with Howard, let me know.

WOO, HOO, Bison! lol

Thank you!!! I will contact you, I am sure!!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Afro-Latino. They are both of African and Latino heritage.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeca* 
Why aren't I getting any updates on this thread?








The terms used wouldn't matter much as long as they are terms the child understands, at least to my kids.
Anyone gearing up for Thanksgiving? we don't live near any family so ours will be small as usual. We do have a conflict this year. Dh's favorite football team will be in town on TGD to play. I know he wants to go even if he won't say so. So what do you think?

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, but not exactly thrilled. Once again, I will miss my families "Thanksgiving Dinner". I am so set in our traditons, that I am hesitant to eat with anyone else.

This year we are eating dinner with a family whose traditons are somewhat similar to my own, so I am hopeful. There should not be any paper plate eating while standing in front of the television surprises.

I am roasting the turkey and preparing the dressing, so I will pray that my cuklinary skills don't fail me.

What time is the game? Could you have dinner before or after the game?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Mixed!









Speaking of, I was in Target last week and saw these books for the first time. Has anyone read them?

I have always thought that mixed held negative connotations, like mutt, and mulatto.

Those books are interesting. I don't think that I care for the terminology, but maybe that is because most blacks in the country are of a combined heritage. Is a distinction only made when the additional ethnicities are blatantly obvious?


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I have always thought that mixed held negative connotations, like mutt, and mulatto.

I think it's like the word 'queer'; A lot of the older generation don't like it, a lot of the younger generation have made it their own. Being in between the kids and the old folks, I tend to refer to myself as "mixed" unless I'm dealing with snooty folks who like big words (then it's "multicultural") or I'm joking around with friends (then it's "your beautiful but tragic mulatto"). I have an odd sense of humor, though. But yes, lots of people just say, "I'm mixed" and leave it at that-- particularly individuals in their late teens & twenties who have largely moved past politically correct affectations.

Quote:

Those books are interesting. I don't think that I care for the terminology, but maybe that is because most blacks in the country are of a combined heritage. Is a distinction only made when the additional ethnicities are blatantly obvious?
The distinction is usually made by individuals who don't feel comfortable, for whatever reason, discounting certain aspects of their heritage. It's certainly true that most African Americans are mixed to some extent, but the majority don't identify themselves that way. The ones who do (like myself) tend to be individuals who aren't obviously one thing or another, or individuals who appear to be obviously one thing or another but who were raised multiculturally (i.e. A child who appears to be black in terms of skin color, hair texture, & features but who lives with her Jewish grandmother and thinks of herself primarily as a Jew; A child who appears to be white but is being raised almost exclusively by black relatives, etc). Most of the people that I know who identify as mixed do so because they're not comfortable identifying as anything else. For me, it would be about denial of some aspect of who I am. I could "pass" for lots of different things, if I chose to do so, but I'd have to discount part of myself and that'd be weak. Saying "multicultural" just strikes me as pretentious and silly most of the time, so I don't like to bother with it unless I'm in a situation that calls for pretentious silliness.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *olliepop* 
If you read a children's book about race, which terms would you like to see?

African-American
Black
Caucasian
White
Indian
Asian
Hispanic
Latino

Am I forgetting anyone?

Any of these are fine with me, but you probably need to distinguish between "Native American" and "East Indian." Of course, it would also be nice to see a book that broke down "Asian" and "Latino" into the individual cultures/ethnicities--Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban, etc.


----------



## Bloomingstar

Hi everone! I'm still around, just not as much. Lamine is growing so quickly it is hard to keep up! He just cut his third tooth, is crawling all over the place (and following us around) and pulling up to standing and doing all sorts of things. He'll be 10 months in about a week. I applied for and got a part-time job that I am actually excited about but my anxiety about leaving my baby with someone else during the day for 3 days a week has kind of dampened the excitement. Everyone tells me it'll be harder on me than on him and I REALLY hope that is true. I feel like he and I are really attached to one another in a way I never expected.







It's been absolutely wonderful to spend the first 10 months at home with him. I feel like I am slowly going back into the world. I used my ipod for the first time today since before he was born and I literally had to stop someone when I reached my destination and ask them how to turn it off because I could not remember! Things like that have been happening a lot and are pretty funny.

All that to say, we're doing well and I can't believe it's been almost a year since I had my baby!


----------



## cessation

Hi ladies!

I'd love to join this group. I'm married with one 3 almost 4 yr old dd with another dd due Dec 30th. We are a natural hair wearing family from Memphis, TN. I'm currently working on my Masters in Special Education. Why did I start right before baby number 2? I'm crazy, lol.

Anyway can't wait to join the discussions and get to know everyone.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cessation* 
Hi ladies!

I'd love to join this group. I'm married with one 3 almost 4 yr old dd with another dd due Dec 30th. We are a natural hair wearing family from Memphis, TN. I'm currently working on my Masters in Special Education. Why did I start right before baby number 2? I'm crazy, lol.

Anyway can't wait to join the discussions and get to know everyone.


Hey







Welcome to our tribe. I loveeeee this tribe and though I don't post much these days, I lurk to keep up with my girls!!


----------



## JustKiya

Welcome cessation!! I'm in Memphis too - it's exciting to see another natural minded mom of color in the area!


----------



## ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends,

December 1st is World AIDS Day. Let's unite to help fight AIDS in Africa. Please watch this short video: http://www.joinred.com/lazaruseffect.aspx and post this fact on your blogs, Facebook walls and personal webpages: It costs around 40 cents a day for the 2 pills that can help keep a person living with HIV in Africa alive. Please join the international effort to raise awareness and much needed funds by joining (RED) - ONE COLOR UNITES US by going to http://www.joinred.com/Splash.aspx Thank You!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hello Sisterfriends,

December 1st is World AIDS Day. Let's unite to help fight AIDS in Africa. Please watch this short video: http://www.joinred.com/lazaruseffect.aspx and post this fact on your blogs, Facebook walls and personal webpages: It costs around 40 cents a day for the 2 pills that can help keep a person living with HIV in Africa alive. Please join the international effort to raise awareness and much needed funds by joining (RED) - ONE COLOR UNITES US by going to http://www.joinred.com/Splash.aspx Thank You!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Thanks for posting this Erika. I made a donation as this is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I just received a heart wrenching email from my bff. She is devastated to learn that her husband of several years is bisexual. I intuitively knew this but never spoke with her because frankly, it's none of my business. She is soliciting advice from her closest friends about how to proceed forward. They have three young children, a huge mortgage and all that comes with sharing a life for such a long time. My best advice to her is to continue to love him in the manner she has for all of these years. He's told her that he has not stepped outside of their marriage and has no plans on doing so. Yet, she feels betrayed. I understand her sense of betrayal because he probably should have told her this years ago. [BTW,she learned by googling one of his screen names.] Evidently, he had an ad on a bisexual dating website.

Anything else you would suggest that I offer her for comfort? I am not seeing this as a huge deal because they've had such a great marriage and she is assured he has not cheated on her in any way. He's a great guy and as I told her, coming out is never an easy process. Him being bi is not going to change the person he is--perhaps how she sees him though. I am certain he thought he could keep this info and never share it with her, but the internet is a resourceful place, making it hard to conceal things like this.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions. I understand how she feels as this has shaken up her world, but I think it has the potential to make their relationship stronger too.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Thanks for posting this Erika. I made a donation as this is a cause near and dear to my heart.

I just received a heart wrenching email from my bff. She is devastated to learn that her husband of several years is bisexual. I intuitively knew this but never spoke with her because frankly, it's none of my business. She is soliciting advice from her closest friends about how to proceed forward. They have three young children, a huge mortgage and all that comes with sharing a life for such a long time. My best advice to her is to continue to love him in the manner she has for all of these years. He's told her that he has not stepped outside of their marriage and has no plans on doing so. Yet, she feels betrayed. I understand her sense of betrayal because he probably should have told her this years ago. [BTW,she learned by googling one of his screen names.] Evidently, he had an ad on a bisexual dating website.

Anything else you would suggest that I offer her for comfort? I am not seeing this as a huge deal because they've had such a great marriage and she is assured he has not cheated on her in any way. He's a great guy and as I told her, coming out is never an easy process. Him being bi is not going to change the person he is--perhaps how she sees him though. I am certain he thought he could keep this info and never share it with her, but the internet is a resourceful place, making it hard to conceal things like this.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions. I understand how she feels as this has shaken up her world, but I think it has the potential to make their relationship stronger too.

I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion. Though if they stay together is it realistic that he will remain faithful? If she found is ad on a site then that would lead me to think he is interested in exploring his sexuality, is that something she can live with?

Hard stuff, funny you mentioned you knew because I have someone in my life who is going through some marital stuff and I suspect its a similiar situation but like you it ain't my place to say a thing.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion. Though if they stay together is it realistic that he will remain faithful? If she found is ad on a site then that would lead me to think he is interested in exploring his sexuality, is that something she can live with?

Hard stuff, funny you mentioned you knew because I have someone in my life who is going through some marital stuff and I suspect its a similar situation but like you it ain't my place to say a thing.


Thanks for the input, Shay. She just sent me a copy of the ad and it is from 2002. It seems this was earlier on in their relationship and he swears he's not been with anyone since they've been married. Again, I am reminding her of the wonderful person he is and has been to her over the years. I get that this has shaken her sense of 'knowing' him, but I reminded her of the dynamics of coming out, especially if you're a bi man who is married.


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## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
*I would probably listen to her and support her in anyway I could without adding my opinion...*

Hi Lisa,

First, I want to say what a good friend she must feel she has in you to share this information with you! You must be such a blessing to her at this time.
Second, I totally agree with Shay's advice above. It is especially good advice if she decides to change course later on(staying in the marriage after initially thinking she would leave or leaving after initially thinking she would stay). By being "just" a sounding board for her, you will help her to see that the loudest voice in her head guiding her decisions should be her own.

And lastly if you don't mind, I also would add that with this story and with all that is going on in the news these days(because the most important thing to report about in the world today is who is sleeping with who), I let these stories serve as a personal reminder that I can only control my own sexuality.
I also remind myself that in order to be safe, healthy and happy sexually, I have to be able to have frank conversations with my sexual partner about all aspects of our sexuality(as individuals and as a couple).
I hope that she finds a way forward in her relationship with her husband.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Lisa,

First, I want to say what a good friend she must feel she has in you to share this information with you! You must be such a blessing to her at this time.
Second, I totally agree with Shay's advice above. It is especially good advice if she decides to change course later on(staying in the marriage after initially thinking she would leave or leaving after initially thinking she would stay). By being "just" a sounding board for her, you will help her to see that the loudest voice in her head guiding her decisions should be her own.

And lastly if you don't mind, I also would add that with this story and with all that is going on in the news these days(because the most important thing to report about in the world today is who is sleeping with who), I let these stories serve as a personal reminder that I can only control my own sexuality.
I also remind myself that in order to be safe, healthy and happy sexually, I have to be able to have frank conversations with my sexual partner about all aspects of our sexuality(as individuals and as a couple).
I hope that she finds a way forward in her relationship with her husband.

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Thank you so much, Erika







. I spoke with her late last night; her anxiety level has decreased significantly. At least for the moment, she realizes that her biggest concerns have to do with the fear of abandonment. Her husband has reassured her that he isn't going anywhere and finds his happiness in what they have developed.

I agree with being honest about all aspects of our sexuality. My friend's situation prompted me and my dh to talk frankly about our pasts. My dh is an extremely forthright man which I have learned to appreciate over time. Like I said to my friend, honesty can deepen emotional intimacy which only serves to strengthen a relationship.
Has anyone read the book, The Conversation by Hill Harper? My dh gave it to me this weekend. I just started reading it. It deals with the subject of being courageous in our conversations with partners in order to create better and deeper connections.

It feels good to reconnect with you all here. I spend a lot of time on facebook but instantly sought this tribe out when my friend called upon me for advice.


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## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
...It feels good to reconnect with you all here. I spend a lot of time on facebook but instantly sought this tribe out when my friend called upon me for advice.

Hi Lisa,

I feel the same way about this tribe that you do! And I am going to try to come here at least weekly to post so we can keep this tribe active!
I hope that you all will join me!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## bajamergrrl

Just popping in to say hi to all. Hopefully we can get the conversations rolling again soon in here.


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## shayinme

I'm around but this is the beginning of my busy season. The agency that I run does special holiday assistance programs and this year I decided to add a new piece and it's chaos. We are doing a lot in the community but I am tired...then after the holidays I have several grant deadlines that will be hitting back to back. So while I tend to be around it's more scan and go.

As for the kiddos, the son is sending out his college applications so we will start the waiting game. My baby graduates HS in June...where does the time go? I swear it seems like he was just born, I am not sure if I mentioned he got his own car. Yikes.

My dd is my mini me aka the mini diva, I love her to death but girl energy is so different than boy energy at least for me...all in all I am good, could complain but no use trying.

Shay


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## purplegirl

checking in....
I am doing great. I am in the throes of holiday stuff and enjoying it. I put my tree up this weekend and though I have much more to do, I feel pretty good. You all might recall, I had a basement flood last spring and lost ALL of my Christmas decorations







and needed to purchase new stuff. I had some really pretty purple stuff that I will never be able to replace---such a bummer. Not sure where DH and I will be spending Christmas...maybe Virginia or Maryland. Our lives are so complicated *sigh*


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## AndrewsMother

My family and I have attended a church for almost two years. We are not members, but we are active participants. I teach church school classes about twice a year(parents volunteer to teach for a month at a time), I work with the youth group and I recently decided to work with the social committee.

Andrew has quite a few friends, and I am friends or associates with the parents of his friends. Some I am closer to than other. For the most part we share similarities in how we parent our children, but there are a few differences. The most obvious difference is that I don't spank. I will admit to having swatted his bottom a few times when I am overly frustrated, but I am diligent about calming myself down until I am able to better process a solution to the problem at hand.

Most if not all of the children at the church are able to sit through a two to three hour service. Some are spanked if they make noise or fidget too much, some are scolded, some are fed snack on demand to keep the peace, and some are just children with a quiet patient nature. All of the children are with a year range of age, be it younger or older. We go to church school, and have attempted in the past to stay until the Children's Story during worship, which is about 1 hour into the service. It is a long hour. I don't expect for my 3 year old to sit quietly for an hour, nor do I feel comfortable with him disturbing others. There is not a nursery, only a cry room which I generally avoid, because Andrew tends to want to play with the other children. Again, I know that this is normal behavior, but the other parents want for their children to sit quietly and eat their snacks. I respect their desires, so we generally leave right after children's story.

Because of my child's energetic and bubbly personality, and his inability to sit still for more than 15-20 minutes he is viewed by many as "bad", or a "problem". One parent teaching the class told Andrew that he needed to get rid of his energy before class began. I interjected and told her that having too much energy was not a negative attribute. (this is from a mom who told me that my son looks as if he is not spanked







. She is not a friend, but a mom who spanks her young 2 year-old so that he will sit through the service)

I take worship seriously, but I also believe that it is not always suitable for children. Until I was 6 or 7, I only attended church school.

Last night I was to work a table at the Children's Christmas craft program. DH was at work, so Andrew was not under my general supervision. I had my eye on him but I was busy. We arrived at 4 to begin set up for a 6 o'clock program. Between 5 and 6, Andrew was playing with the other children. When he plays, Andrew goes into a zone. He plays hard. He was playing with 4 children. A 5 year old, another 3 year old and a 10 year old. The 10 year old said that Andrew spot on him. He did , but they were making growling, hissing sounds. This I saw with my own eyes, but to me it was a mistake. I talked to him about being careful and that spitting is nasty and we should not spit on our friends, etc, etc. The mom, a friend, was annoyed and said something to Andrew. She then came to me and said that I needed to be firmer with him, and that other parents would have/have a problem because I was only talking to him and not being hard enough. She then went on to say that her daughter use to spit and she spanked her and she has not spit since.

I have a serious problem with this, because I don't parent my child to please someone else. I told her that the method that I use was sufficient for our needs and that I was not interested in parenting my child to appeal to others.

Less than 15 minutes later the children were wrestling, and Andrew kicked the her son. I called for Andrew to come and sit next to me. We talked about his behavior, I admonished him and he played with clay (after his time out) while I finished attempting to set up.

After awhile, the other younger children came to play with Andrew. General silly3 and 5 year old behavior ensued. Soon they were running in circles in a small area near my table, away from others. Someone walked by and said that Andrew needed to stop running. There were two other children present.

At this point I took of my costume, packed up my belongings and I left, but not before talking to the director who said that the others words were in jest. Well, ha. ha. I don't see the humor in the situation.

Since we arrived all that I heard was Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.

Before others arrived Andrew was standing at my table playing with a portion of clay that I set out for him. Someone walked by and said. "What is Andrew doing with the clay, is he wasting it?"

A short while later someone said, "Oh you have to keep an eye on that Andrew".

Then a statement was made about beating children.

I would never begin to think that my son is perfect or refuse to believe that he is in the wrong. Andrew is three, and what he does not know or not remember, I must teach or reinforce.

Andrew attends PK, and not once have a received a negative report from his teachers, and there are parents who have. I ask about his behavior and his teachers reply that his wrongs are age appropriate and with consistent reinforcement they will go away. Andrew's busy nature is never a negative, but a plus. His school friends parents have talked about how well behaved he is, and they see his good and bad days.

I am tired of him being greeted with negativity in our place of worship. This is my month to teach, but I have already spoken with the lead parent (another friend)) and informed her that she will have to find a replacement for the remainder of the month.

Either I will teach my child at home until he is older, or I will find a church that caters to children. My husband objects and says that he will take him, so that Andrew can see his friends, but I don't see how that will remedy the situation.

I need a nap.

--


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## shayinme

I have been in your shoes, my dd is spirited. She has no problems in PS but she is not a kid who will sit for hours...yesterday was the Christmas Pageant and it was a miracle we made it through the service. Normally she is in the PS Sunday school class but there was no class since most kids were in the pagaent. (she would have been in it but IMO was too hyper during the rehearsal so I pulled her out)

When we were looking for a church home we took a pass on several churches that IMO did not have a realistic clue about kids and offer appropriate kids programming. I got tired of folks gently mentioning that a spanking would work







....

If I were you I would either take a break from church until he is older, or maybe you and your dh can switch off weekends so one goes one week the other next and Andrew stays home. Or I would look for a new place.


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## Kia74

I never get any notice that there are new posts here so I'm glad I popped in.

Lisa I have nothing to add to the sage advice already given & agree wholeheartedly that your friend is lucky to have you in her life.

Shay, I can only imagine how exciting and a little bit anxious I'll be when its time for my kiddos to send out college apps. I'm hopeful that one of them will go to my alma mater but time willl tell on that front.

AndrewsMother, I'm sorry that your church is a difficult fit for your family as a whole. As a small child my husband was one of the quiet, "well behaved" crowd and hated every minute of it. His family went to several churches that weren't particularly child friendly & even though he went with the flow at the time, it had an enormous negative impact on him.

Gearing up for the holidays is fun but very low key for us. Normally we travel to visit family but we're not even doing that this year. I adore Christmas activities and always spend the bulk of our gift money on doing things, I'd rather take us somplace than buy something. I'm happy now that my kids are old enough to also have memories of our little adventures.

This year we're going New England in the spring so I'm prepping for that & all the $$$ it will cost. But I love to plan, (in a former life I was an event planner) so I'm in my element finding flights, hotels & tickets on the cheap









Take Care,

Kia


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kia74* 
This year we're going New England in the spring so I'm prepping for that & all the $$$ it will cost. But I love to plan, (in a former life I was an event planner) so I'm in my element finding flights, hotels & tickets on the cheap









Take Care,

Kia

Where in New England will you be? I am in Maine and its a gorgeous place, actually of northern New England is scenic.


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## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kia74* 
...This year we're going New England in the spring so I'm prepping for that & all the $$$ it will cost. But I love to plan, (in a former life I was an event planner) so I'm in my element finding flights, hotels & tickets on the cheap









Take Care,

Kia

And we are in Connecticut(almost equal distance from NYC and Boston), maybe we should try to schedule an MDC Mom's of color meetup some where while you are here in New England Kia!

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I have been in your shoes, my dd is spirited. She has no problems in PS but she is not a kid who will sit for hours...yesterday was the Christmas Pageant and it was a miracle we made it through the service. Normally she is in the PS Sunday school class but there was no class since most kids were in the pagaent. (she would have been in it but IMO was too hyper during the rehearsal so I pulled her out)

When we were looking for a church home we took a pass on several churches that IMO did not have a realistic clue about kids and offer appropriate kids programming. I got tired of folks gently mentioning that a spanking would work







....

If I were you I would either take a break from church until he is older, or maybe you and your dh can switch off weekends so one goes one week the other next and Andrew stays home. Or I would look for a new place.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kia74* 
AndrewsMother, I'm sorry that your church is a difficult fit for your family as a whole. As a small child my husband was one of the quiet, "well behaved" crowd and hated every minute of it. His family went to several churches that weren't particularly child friendly & even though he went with the flow at the time, it had an enormous negative impact on him.

Kia

We have decided to take a break from this church and even evaluate a few friendships. Once DH overheard a phone conversation his opinion of the situation changed.


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## Kia74

*Shay*, we are going to ME. I vacationed there a lot as a kid & ended up going to college in Brunswick (30 minutes N of Portland) We are going to visit my alma mater and head North either to Mt Desert or Cranberry... I have to keep in mind that April/May in the South is a far cry from temps in your neck of the woods







I'm trying to decide if we are going to fly thru Bost0n or Portland. Either way will keep you & *Erika* posted









*Andrewsmother* from what you have shared I think its a wise decision to take some time off of that particular church. I hope you all find the perfect spiritual home soon.


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## shayinme

Kia, I would come here in May. April is still pretty iffy as to whether or not it will feel like spring. We moved here March 02 and I was shocked when we got a huge snowstorm in April.







I am from the midwest and used to cold and snow but normally April means spring and in Maine that is not true at all.

This year winter has been slow coming especially along the coast so I would count on lousy weather in April. You can most likely get better prices coming into Boston but you have to battle Boston traffic, though sometimes you can get a good deal. Only downside is if there is bad weather the Jetport seems to cancel and delay flights more often than bigger airports which is why we avoid using the Jetport in cold weather months.


----------



## Kia74

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Kia, I would come here in May. April is still pretty iffy as to whether or not it will feel like spring. We moved here March 02 and I was shocked when we got a huge snowstorm in April.







I am from the midwest and used to cold and snow but normally April means spring and in Maine that is not true at all.

This year winter has been slow coming especially along the coast so I would count on lousy weather in April. You can most likely get better prices coming into Boston but you have to battle Boston traffic, though sometimes you can get a good deal. Only downside is if there is bad weather the Jetport seems to cancel and delay flights more often than bigger airports which is why we avoid using the Jetport in cold weather months.

Weather wise May makes more sense but there are a couple of other things going on that might make April the only possible time. And yes I know to be prepared for anything! My family still talks about the big stadium blankets that were handed out during my Memorial Day graduation


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Mixed!









Speaking of, I was in Target last week and saw these books for the first time. Has anyone read them?

I'm late to the conversation, as usual...








Anyway, that looks interesting to me. The character will be a mix of what my son is and our soon-to-be daughter will be. I'm curious about it.

As for the term "mixed", I can't recall knowing anyone being offended by it, but of course, I don't know everyone, do I?







I personally don't mind it myself. It's a more apt description than "mulatto" (which is very offensive) for someone like me or my son. I have referred to myself as "a mix of" whatever in the past.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
We have decided to take a break from this church and even evaluate a few friendships. Once DH overheard a phone conversation his opinion of the situation changed.

Great idea, AndrewsMother.










I would have difficulty spending time with people who are so ready to place my child in the "bad kid" box, or people who openly challenge my parenting choices. How I discipline my child is my business and no one else's.









Andrew sounds like he plays and behaves like any other child his age would play and behave.

I'm sorry this happened.


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## eilonwy

I'm working on my book. It's going well, considering that I have to take a break every few minutes from the screen or I start to get dizzy.







I've been sick for the past few weeks and that's not going well.







Life is as busy and crazy as always around here. At least we have snow, which looks pretty and makes the cold a lot more tolerable.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Great idea, AndrewsMother.










I would have difficulty spending time with people who are so ready to place my child in the "bad kid" box, or people who openly challenge my parenting choices. How I discipline my child is my business and no one else's.









Andrew sounds like he plays and behaves like any other child his age would play and behave.

I'm sorry this happened.

Shelia, I always laughed when I read the posts of MDC moms who wanted to end friendships with their spanking mom friends. Yes, I inwardly wince at some of the spankings that their children receive, but I never questioned their parenting. As I type, a furry grows in me because supposedly, according to some, the Bible is their justification.

For the life of me, I refuse to believe that the same Jesus who "suffered the little children to come unto him", would inflict pain excessive pain upon a child.

Anyway, we attended a birthday party of a child who attends the church, Her parents are very AP but have probably never even heard the term, along with a few others. No one who was in attendance was in the "anti-Andrew" camp.

As I watched the children who ranged in age from 1 1/2 to 10 play together, loud and boisterous but not quite as rough as last week, it reinforced my belief that my child is not the problem.

I feel bad because I know that I have lost a friend, or I that the friendship will never be the same. Somehow, I don't think that I can share a part of me with someone who is openly critical of my parenting.


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## ErikaDP

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to say:

I wish for you and yours a very Happy Holiday Season and a bright and prosperous 2010!

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## brownskinchinee

Hi all. I'm not really new, used to be a regular years ago when my DD who is now 7 was younger but forgot my username and all that. I'm now preggers with my 2nd baby and very excited. I'm away from my b/f for a few month so feeling a bit lonely atm and I remembered how much fun and how much I used to look forward to reading and posting on this site so I'm back!


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## Bloomingstar

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!


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## olliepop

Happy New Year!!!!


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## purplegirl

Happy New Year to all of you.
I had a super fantastic holiday. Mike and I spent nearly two weeks together







, in and around Washington, DC,with his family. It was whirlwind and I am paying the price with exhaustion. Coming back to Delaware and work was sooo hard. We're going to NYC next weekend in an attempt to beat back the winter doldrums. Other than riding off the high from the holidays, things are fairly status quo.
How's every one doing?


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## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
How's every one doing?

I'll let you know tomorrow evening.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I'll let you know tomorrow evening.









What's the matter??


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## ginsengmom

Happy New Year All:

New to this forum and looking forward to spending some time with good people. May this new year bring good health and much happiness to you and yours....


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## Arike

Hey ladies! Happy New Year! I have been lurking about on this thread; life has just been so busy lately with the holidays and keeping up with my little guy. He will be 15 months in a couple of weeks and his 6th tooth is coming in! Time is flying by; it's hard to believe that he's running around and talking! Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying 2010 thus far!


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## Brown Lioness

Happy New Year ladies! Im still here, 2010 is bringing in some change. Hubby finally landed a job the other day after being unemployed after a lay off for 11 months! W00T!!! However, my job is moving and Im not sure they will ask me to go with them, so i may be laid off this year. But Im not sad about it, because ive been working on my own business and I am REALLY excited about the possibility to do it fulltime much sooner than I thought!

Hubby and I are just really excited that we get to catch up on our delinquent finances, get my biz going and possibly move to Dallas, TX this year (if not this year, then next year). Once we move to Dallas, we will probably start TTC then.

Anywho, im glad everyone made it ok into the new year!


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## bajamergrrl

Happy New Year, ladies...belatedly! I've been lurking too and usually only able to type with one hand but I have two hands available at the moment so I'm taking full advantage. 2010 is my year of focusing on social action. I have some ideas and projects in mind. So I plan to be busy in a good way. I have a new blog that I want to get going soon in order to promote breastfeeding and show that it is something that black moms do. Feel free to PM me if you're interested (I don't want to violate any MDC guidelines).

*Brown Lioness*, Congrats on the hubby finding a new job! I've been laid off before (not as long as your hubby though) so I know how that goes. I hope your biz takes off!

Welcome *ginsengmom*!

*Eilonwy*, I hope everything is ok!

I hope everyone is doing well and prospering.


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## Brown Lioness

Thank you kindly! Blessings on your new blog and projects!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Happy New Year, ladies...belatedly! I've been lurking too and usually only able to type with one hand but I have two hands available at the moment so I'm taking full advantage. 2010 is my year of focusing on social action. I have some ideas and projects in mind. So I plan to be busy in a good way. I have a new blog that I want to get going soon in order to promote breastfeeding and show that it is something that black moms do. Feel free to PM me if you're interested (I don't want to violate any MDC guidelines).

*Brown Lioness*, Congrats on the hubby finding a new job! I've been laid off before (not as long as your hubby though) so I know how that goes. I hope your biz takes off!

Welcome *ginsengmom*!

*Eilonwy*, I hope everything is ok!

I hope everyone is doing well and prospering.


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## eilonwy

Congrats, Erika.









I'm sick. I've been sick since shortly after Thanksgiving, and it sucks royally. I've been doing a bit better, but I have to take pills every day in order to eat at all. The up side of this is that I lost about 15 pounds (maybe more







), but of course... I like eating! The worst part has been having no energy to deal with anything, but still being unable to sleep. Blech. I've been arguing with myself about it this whole time.







Anyway, the doctors have no idea what's wrong, but apparently a lot of people have been having this problem lately-- severe nausea and vomiting that just won't go away.







Yuck yuck yuck. I know I'm not contagious, but it's still gross and I still don't want to go anywhere (not that I have much choice).


----------



## bajamergrrl

Eilonwy, I'm so sorry to hear you're ill. I hope you get better soon.


----------



## Jannah6

Eilonwy, I hope you get better soon.

CONGRATULATIONS Brown Lioness.

I have been MIA for a while, it's good to be back. I have a bit of good news. All of my life I thought that my father was deceased,but this week I found out that my father is in fact alive and living less than 10 minutes away. The man who passed away,my mothers husband wasn't my biological father. Turns out that quite a few people in my family were aware of this,but didn't want to be the one to break it to me.
So as I approach my 35th birthday I'm getting acquainted with my father. He has a daughter and a son. I also have 7 more nieces and nephews. My mind is still processing it all. I can't think to hard about it though,or my head will explode. I'm still in WOW mode. Like REALLY FREAKIN WOW!!!


----------



## eilonwy

Wow Jannah, that's insane! I hope it's going well!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Eilonwy, I hope you get better soon.

CONGRATULATIONS Brown Lioness.

I have been MIA for a while, it's good to be back. I have a bit of good news. All of my life I thought that my father was deceased,but this week I found out that my father is in fact alive and living less than 10 minutes away. The man who passed away,my mothers husband wasn't my biological father. Turns out that quite a few people in my family were aware of this,but didn't want to be the one to break it to me.
So as I approach my 35th birthday I'm getting acquainted with my father. He has a daughter and a son. I also have 7 more nieces and nephews. My mind is still processing it all. I can't think to hard about it though,or my head will explode. I'm still in WOW mode. Like REALLY FREAKIN WOW!!!

Whoa....that is a lot to process. I wish you the best going forward. I'm sure you have a myriad of feelings.


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you ladies







You said it purple girl. I spoke to my brother today, so far so good.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brown Lioness* 
Happy New Year ladies! Im still here, 2010 is bringing in some change. Hubby finally landed a job the other day after being unemployed after a lay off for 11 months! W00T!!! However, my job is moving and Im not sure they will ask me to go with them, so i may be laid off this year. But Im not sad about it, because ive been working on my own business and I am REALLY excited about the possibility to do it fulltime much sooner than I thought!

Hubby and I are just really excited that we get to catch up on our delinquent finances, get my biz going and possibly move to Dallas, TX this year (if not this year, then next year). Once we move to Dallas, we will probably start TTC then.

Anywho, im glad everyone made it ok into the new year!









Congrats







and the best of luck in ttc'ing!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gingsengmom* 
Happy New Year All:

New to this forum and looking forward to spending some time with good people. May this new year bring good health and much happiness to you and yours....


Welcome, welcome!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
Hey ladies! Happy New Year! I have been lurking about on this thread; life has just been so busy lately with the holidays and keeping up with my little guy. He will be 15 months in a couple of weeks and his 6th tooth is coming in! Time is flying by; it's hard to believe that he's running around and talking! Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying 2010 thus far!

15months??? Oiy, time is flying!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bajamergrrl* 
Happy New Year, ladies...belatedly! I've been lurking too and usually only able to type with one hand but I have two hands available at the moment so I'm taking full advantage. 2010 is my year of focusing on social action. I have some ideas and projects in mind. So I plan to be busy in a good way. I have a new blog that I want to get going soon in order to promote breastfeeding and show that it is something that black moms do. Feel free to PM me if you're interested (I don't want to violate any MDC guidelines).

*Brown Lioness*, Congrats on the hubby finding a new job! I've been laid off before (not as long as your hubby though) so I know how that goes. I hope your biz takes off!

Welcome *ginsengmom*!

*Eilonwy*, I hope everything is ok!

I hope everyone is doing well and prospering.

Hey! How are ya? Good luck with your goals!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Congrats, Erika.









I'm sick. I've been sick since shortly after Thanksgiving, and it sucks royally. I've been doing a bit better, but I have to take pills every day in order to eat at all. The up side of this is that I lost about 15 pounds (maybe more







), but of course... I like eating! The worst part has been having no energy to deal with anything, but still being unable to sleep. Blech. I've been arguing with myself about it this whole time.







Anyway, the doctors have no idea what's wrong, but apparently a lot of people have been having this problem lately-- severe nausea and vomiting that just won't go away.







Yuck yuck yuck. I know I'm not contagious, but it's still gross and I still don't want to go anywhere (not that I have much choice).


So sorry you're going through this. A friend of mine had something similar. She ended up on major tranquilizers which quelled the throwing up. The doctor could not pinpoint the cause but she's all better now. It took awhile for her to feel completely better. I hope you find relief soon!









Hey Erika, I saw you on the front page of MDC--way cool!!

As always, I am posting on the fly. Mostly, I am well. Spending lots more time with M. which is a great thing. This weekend we're headed for a whirlwind four days in NYC. I am looking forward to the time away, but really long for time to tend to crap around my home. M. has planned a tight agenda for the weekend, but I'd much rather be lazy and relax at the hotel....but noooooo, we've gotta hit the streets running and not stop until we drop







I am hoping to see two of my dear friends, but from the looks of it, there won't be time.

I foresee lots of changes coming my way this year--some easy, others not so much. In the end, it will all be for the better or at least I hope!! LOL Details as all of this unfolds


----------



## chanibell

Happy new years mamas!

Yesterday my ds,dh and I went to a gathering to celebrate Dr King. Great celebration btw. My son is not in preschool on Mondays,but if he was we would have taken him out and celebrated/recognized the event( the same thing we did during Obama's inauguration).

At the beginning of the preschool yr there is a flyer that says all the days they close ( mostly for holidays) I get it. I failed to notice that they do not recognize MLK day on this list. Yet the day after Thanksgiving for some reason is off. I get it...

What I would like to do is to write a letter stating why the school should take off and celebrate MLK day.

Can anyone offer me some sentences to convey this to the owner?
My ds class is very multiracial and diverse. I spoke to my ds teacher and she said she would have liked to march yesterday during the festivities.

I can't help but wonder if the owner was a black woman or a person of color would she have recognized this earlier.... she owns all three schools.

Anywhoo thank you for any help and advice.

blessings ladies and I appreciate all the advice I get from you.


----------



## AndrewsMother

I agree that the MLK holiday deserves commeration, but it is almost unrealistic to expect a PK to close. All of my friends who work in corporate America, the Health Care industry, retail....okay, any industry except for banking and the Federal/State Government had to work. If the center closed those parents would have had to use vaction days or lost a day of pay.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chanibell* 
Happy new years mamas!

Yesterday my ds,dh and I went to a gathering to celebrate Dr King. Great celebration btw. My son is not in preschool on Mondays,but if he was we would have taken him out and celebrated/recognized the event( the same thing we did during Obama's inauguration).

At the beginning of the preschool yr there is a flyer that says all the days they close ( mostly for holidays) I get it. I failed to notice that they do not recognize MLK day on this list. Yet the day after Thanksgiving for some reason is off. I get it...

What I would like to do is to write a letter stating why the school should take off and celebrate MLK day.

Can anyone offer me some sentences to convey this to the owner?
My ds class is very multiracial and diverse. I spoke to my ds teacher and she said she would have liked to march yesterday during the festivities.

I can't help but wonder if the owner was a black woman or a person of color would she have recognized this earlier.... she owns all three schools.

Anywhoo thank you for any help and advice.

blessings ladies and I appreciate all the advice I get from you.

Honestly as someone who has used daycare/preschool with both my kids past 18 years), I agree with AndrewsMother that is not realistic for a preschool to be closed for every holiday. Race or ethnicity has nothing to do with it but for many parents MLK is not a day off sadly if they work in the private sector and I think daycares try to cater to the needs of their families. Personally as someone who used daycare its a real PITA to have to search for coverage because the center is closed, in my case if I had to work and the center is closed I really don't have a great deal of backups.

I know that at my dd's old daycare they would incorporate lessons about MLK into the day.

As for being closed the day after Thanksgiving, its not all that unusal to be honest. I understand how you feel but I think its about the fact that for many families being closed would create a hardship not about lack of respect.

Shay


----------



## ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends,

I am just popping in to say hello! I have been spending a lot less time online lately because of my recovery so that has meant less time here at MDC.
I hope that everyone here is having a great start to the new year, I can't believe it is already the end of January!
Thank you to all of you that complimented me on my selection as MDC's member of the month, It was really nice to be asked!
Well, that's all for now. I hope to come back soon!








**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## purplegirl

I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.









Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.

I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??


----------



## eilonwy

I think it's fairly common among successful people, really. It stands to reason that it would be more common among successful black people, and still moreso among successful black women, simply because there are relatively few of them. It's always hard to believe that you're part of an elite group; The more elite the group, the harder it is to believe.









I think that a lot of it has to do with generally feeling unworthy. Well, why shouldn't you be worthy of success? You in particular, I mean. You're smart, strong, caring, gorgeous, hard-working... sure there's an element of luck involved, but let's face it: You've worked hard to be so successful and you totally deserve it.







It's great to hear about you pursuing other interests, but have you thought about what it would take for you to consider yourself a success? I mean from the outside, you clearly are successful, but in the end it's your opinion that matters most.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
I think it's fairly common among successful people, really. It stands to reason that it would be more common among successful black people, and still moreso among successful black women, simply because there are relatively few of them. It's always hard to believe that you're part of an elite group; The more elite the group, the harder it is to believe.









I think that a lot of it has to do with generally feeling unworthy. Well, why shouldn't you be worthy of success? You in particular, I mean. You're smart, strong, caring, gorgeous, hard-working... sure there's an element of luck involved, but let's face it: You've worked hard to be so successful and you totally deserve it.







It's great to hear about you pursuing other interests, but have you thought about what it would take for you to consider yourself a success? I mean from the outside, you clearly are successful, but in the end it's your opinion that matters most.


Thank you Rynna. I really am working on affirming my self worth and believing it. I happen to agree that there's added pressure on black women. Oft times I feel burdened to not fail because of what it would look like to others and the impact therein, y/k? I appreciate the support


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.









Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.

I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??

Sadly I think its very common especially among Black women where we have so many societal issues to deal with. I feel the same way, for years I lorded my education and credentials over us and really it was about trying to say I was worthy. I am growing out of it but I still have many of the same demons you mentioned that at times really threaten to overtake me. Hugs to you. By the way I owe you a email







, its been a crazy week here.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Sadly I think its very common especially among Black women where we have so many societal issues to deal with. I feel the same way, for years I lorded my education and credentials over us and really it was about trying to say I was worthy. I am growing out of it but I still have many of the same demons you mentioned that at times really threaten to overtake me. Hugs to you. By the way I owe you a email







, its been a crazy week here.

Thanks Shay. I decided to 'come out' about my struggles because I sensed I wasn't alone. I'm fighting and some days are easier than others. I have surrounded myself with some really strong women who have overcome this plague which has helped tremendously.
NP on the email! Looking forward to catching up with ya when you can


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.









Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty succesful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabatoging forward movement.

I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??


Lisa, I share similar feelings of insecurity(inadequacy). My GPA is not perfect, but significantly above average, and I understand or master most concepts without the need to study, but I am hesitant to apply to better schools.

I pray your inner strength will overcome your fears and perceived shortcomings, and lead you to the place that you deserve.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I am fighting against some personal demons which seem to growing as I get older. Despite my fair amount of personal and professional accomplisments, I find myself fighting strong waves of insecurity. I suppose this malady has been a part of my being for a long time but lately, it is haunting me like crazy.

I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.









Long ago, I spoke with a good friend who is a renown psychologist. He suggested I do somethings, some of which has helped. He suggested that I surround myself with folks who are doing the things, living the life that I long for. Some of you know I am lover of art and all things creative. So on facebook and other venues, I've 'friended' people who are masters in the creative arts. I've chatted with some and gotten excellent pointers on how to further my aspirations. I took an art class on the vineyard last summer and recently enrolled in one locally. It's been great but the feeling of accomplishment doesn't last long before the negative thoughts pervade my mind.

I have a private practice and I have developed it to be pretty successful. Three years ago, I got a big contract with the local school district and it continues to grow. Nice, but not enough to keep me feeling like I've accomplished much. My dh encourages me to hire more therapists and expand. I know I can do it but find myself sabotaging forward movement.

I hate feeling this way and sometimes it's like fighting against the strongest tide.

Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??

Hi Lisa. I totally feel where you are coming from! Lately I have been feeling like I am not living up to my potential and that I am a disappointment.







I have a master's degree and I have traveled extensively around the world. I know many people see me as someone who has accomplished so much but I feel like a failure sometimes. Some people would look at me and think that I was very confident and even snobby. But underneath it all, I feel very insecure and I feel like I am not living the life I was meant to live. I am currently in the process of applying for another master's degree program and I already have plan B for if I don't get into this program. I mean sure, I have a roof over my head, I am not starving, I am relatively healthy and I have a regular job as an administrator at a prestigious university but I feel really unhappy. But then I chastise myself for being ungrateful. I can't win!


----------



## rootzdawta

As I sat there reading, I was so moved. I can't tell you guys _how many times_ I've sat there thinking how so not successful I am especially compared to you guys--traveling the world, successful practices, careers that help folks. The only thing I really and list on my resume is mom. I often feel like I've wasted my potential. My youth. I think if could just write and get something published . . . I'd feel like I've made it. I'd be able to shake off this feeling of mediocrity. I don't know what the answer is but it's telling that whatever our walk of life, we are all still feeling similar things.


----------



## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I was chatting with a facebook friend who shared that she has 'imposter syndrome'. Much to her surprise, I could relate. She couldn't believe that a person who is, seemingly, so extraverted and self confident could harbor such feelings. I do though; I've learned to mask and compensate for the most part. At times, they eek out and get the best of me. I know a ton of people and really am a 'people person', but there are times I wished I could disappear in the woodwork.









Is this a plague that is common in women, black women??


This is very very very very common in my industry (academia). It cuts across both racial and gender lines. I remember walking around campus at my first job thinking, "I can't *believe* I duped them into hiring me!" Secretly, my fellow colleagues confided in me that they felt the same way. I eventually did get over it, but it took time. I came to realize that I do have skills and talents and that I am qualified to do the job that I am doing. I think that talking to people who felt the same way, combined with actually seeing my students improve over time in my classes, helped me to get over the "imposter syndrome." Good luck!


----------



## Jannah6

Oh *Lisa*,many many many BIG HUGS to you. I absolutely know how you feel. I wish that I could offer some advice,but I myself suffer from the same issues,if not worse. You are an intelligent and beautiful woman who deserves much success in whatever you decide to do.


----------



## Jannah6

Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Oh *Lisa*,many many many BIG HUGS to you. I absolutely know how you feel. I wish that I could offer some advice,but I myself suffer from the same issues,if not worse. You are an intelligent and beautiful woman who deserves much success in whatever you decide to do.

You're so sweet. In fact, you all are. I appreciate the sharing and in a weird way, knowing I'm not alone is reassuring. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but especially my beautiful, smart and inspiring sister-friends!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.

Have you tried increasing your fish oil intake? This time of the year, I get all funky and down. It always seems to hit me by surprise though I know by the end of Jan., I can expect to feel this way. I increase my exercise and again, up my fish oil. It helps to get me through the blues until the days are longer and the sun is shining more consistently.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.









Make sure you're not anemic-- low iron can cause all sorts of problems, especially in the week leading up to and during your menses. I'd also probably try Evening Primrose Oil, which provides essential fatty acids and can be very helpful when it comes to issues of cycle regulation. I hope you're feeling better soon!


----------



## Bloomingstar

maybe also check your b12 levels. I second the other suggestions! and I guess get yourself to the dr. or midwife


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Felling very blue the past couple of days. I believe that I'm suffering from PMDD. Is there anyone else here that has this problem? I'm going to try the homeopathic route first. If that fails then I'm going to do meds because I can not function like this anymore.









I hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues








I like being tortured







. So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.


----------



## eilonwy

Congrats, Jannah!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues








I like being tortured







. So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.

omgoodness! congratulations


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Thank you all for the advice. Well, I found out why I'm having the blues








I like being tortured







. So now I need advice on what I can take for pregnancy raging hormones.

ETA: Mums the word on FB,thanks.









Congrats!!!


----------



## Jannah6

While I thank you all for the







,who is going to say WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??? I am officially a nut case







Don't get me wrong,I'm happy,but feeling batty. I had an appointment in Jan to get the IUD,but changed my mind about that form of birth control. I was going to set up an appt with my OB/GYN for the diaphragm,but obviously that's no longer needed.


----------



## rootzdawta

LoL . . . sis, who are we to pass any kind of judgment? I just hope that you (and your hubby) are okay and happy with it. I think new life is always a cause to celebrate--even if there are mixed feelings and stuff.







This from the woman who wishes for just one more . . .


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you Rootz







. I guess I'm preparing myself for the comments.


----------



## eilonwy

Jannah, while I'm very happy being DONE with four I can say that if resources permitted, I would probably at least think about more.







It's your family, your life, and new people are nifty-- as Rootzdawta says, always a reason to celebrate. So right on.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Jannah, I am happy for you!!!









So, what can of van will you all purchase????


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
LoL . . . sis, who are we to pass any kind of judgment? I just hope that you (and your hubby) are okay and happy with it. *I think new life is always a cause to celebrate--even if there are mixed feelings and stuff.*







This from the woman who wishes for just one more . . .

Absolutely this!


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you ladies







. I'm going crazy over here because my Dr can't see me until the 11th. So I made an appt to see her partner on the 6th. I've been feeling movement. This month I had what I thought was a menses. Now I'm wondering how many months this went on. If I go to the Dr and they tell me that I'm 4 months I'm going to faint.


----------



## Bloomingstar

congratulations! I agree with the other ladies--it's a new life coming to join you all.







just do the best you can to take care of yourself.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Congrats Jannah!!!


----------



## AndrewsMother

Please keep Jannah in prayer (surround her with kind thoughts). She went to the ER after experiencing dizziness and back pain.


----------



## Brown Lioness

for Jannah


----------



## Jannah6

Thank you all. Went to the ER because of back pain and dizziness. I had a sono done and they didn't find a baby,only a sac. It could either be too early to have seen the baby or I could have a blighted ovum,which would explain the bleeding that I had. I'll know more on Saturday.


----------



## eilonwy

How are you feeling today, Jannah?


----------



## Jannah6

Feeling a little weak,still very moody and somewhat tired. I'm having cramping off and on,but nothing major. Can't wait until my Dr appointment on Saturday. Thank you for asking. How are you and the children?


----------



## eilonwy

My teeth hurt very very much (I can't eat solid food at all anymore), but my friends are incredible and my children are as amazing and beautiful as ever.







I had the most incredibly fun weekend, and a wee portion of it actually showed up on YouTube (I posted a link on my Facebook page). That's the back of my head at the very beginning of part one.







We had a blast, I'm glad I went.









Take care of yourself, mama. I know that's easier said than done with six kids, but there are times when you have to rest. I'm curious-- is there something like Rosh Chodesh (first of the month, when women get time off) in the Muslim tradition?


----------



## Jannah6

Ooooh,sorry to hear about your teeth. Hope it gets better soon. How long has this been going on?
I'll take a look at the link. it's good that you're still able to enjoy yourself. I've been going to bed early the past few nights. I'm just too tired to stay awake. We don't have anything similar to Rosh Chodesh. My husband does give me Wednesday early evening and Saturdays offs. When I was really moody he took care of the children after work for 4 days and gave me the weekend off. You know I was


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## AndrewsMother

Does anyone know how I obtained the bold font tag line below senior member?


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Does anyone know how I obtained the bold font tag line below senior member?

Are you asking if one of us gave it to you?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Are you asking if one of us gave it to you?

No. I am aksing how the line is obtained.

Am I able to discover the giver?


----------



## Jannah6

It's your DDDC. CONGRATULATIONS


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
It's your DDDC. CONGRATULATIONS









Um, No! Do not even say that about me (even thought I really want a second child) I am not a member of an DDC.


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Um, No! Do not even say that about me (even thought I really want a second child) I am not a member of an DDC.

LOL. Not DDC,DDDC Dirty Deed Done Cheap.


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## shayinme

Here is what DDDC's are http://www.mothering.com/discussions...l&titlesonly=0 its cute and fun.


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## AndrewsMother

I am blushing.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Feeling a little weak,still very moody and somewhat tired. I'm having cramping off and on,but nothing major. Can't wait until my Dr appointment on Saturday. Thank you for asking. How are you and the children?


I completely missed this. How are you?









Rynna, I hope you're feeling better as well.


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## Draupadi

Gosh- I haven't been around in forever and I miss everything!
Jannah, congratulations!








I (of course) found out on FB. You just take care of yourself.

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and tired as all get out. I'm ready to be done with this.







I'm looking forward to giving birth again and having another little one around but boy, am I exhausted.

Now here's a question for any of you: are you a part of any mommy groups? Truth be told, I'm considering starting my own "multicultural" mommy group when the baby is a few months old and I need to have more mommy friends. In the 3 years I've been home with William, I have made very few (if any) connections. I'm fairly certain that part of this has to do with the fact that I'm a non-white mother living in a predominantly white area. My two closest mom friends, both Asian, feel the same as I do.

Thoughts?


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Gosh- I haven't been around in forever and I miss everything!
Jannah, congratulations!








I (of course) found out on FB. You just take care of yourself.

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and tired as all get out. I'm ready to be done with this.







I'm looking forward to giving birth again and having another little one around but boy, am I exhausted.

Now here's a question for any of you: are you a part of any mommy groups? Truth be told, I'm considering starting my own "multicultural" mommy group when the baby is a few months old and I need to have more mommy friends. In the 3 years I've been home with William, I have made very few (if any) connections. I'm fairly certain that part of this has to do with the fact that I'm a non-white mother living in a predominantly white area. My two closest mom friends, both Asian, feel the same as I do.

Thoughts?

I tried to do mommy groups but as the only POC in a white area it just felt too awkward. Now that I work its less of an issue but I do wish I had been better able to connect with other Moms. I will say though that two women I met here in MDC have actually become friends of mine, they both have kids who are a little older than dd so they are less mommy buddies and more just friends. I do think it can be hard at times to connect when you are the family of difference. We used to do storytime and it was very much a clique


----------



## Jannah6

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Gosh- I haven't been around in forever and I miss everything!
Jannah, congratulations!








I (of course) found out on FB. You just take care of yourself.

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and tired as all get out. I'm ready to be done with this.







I'm looking forward to giving birth again and having another little one around but boy, am I exhausted.

Now here's a question for any of you: are you a part of any mommy groups? Truth be told, I'm considering starting my own "multicultural" mommy group when the baby is a few months old and I need to have more mommy friends. In the 3 years I've been home with William, I have made very few (if any) connections. I'm fairly certain that part of this has to do with the fact that I'm a non-white mother living in a predominantly white area. My two closest mom friends, both Asian, feel the same as I do.

Thoughts?

Thanks








A moms group sounds great. Have you looked into MOCHA Moms?


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Gosh- I haven't been around in forever and I miss everything!
Jannah, congratulations!








I (of course) found out on FB. You just take care of yourself.

I'm now 37 weeks pregnant and tired as all get out. I'm ready to be done with this.







I'm looking forward to giving birth again and having another little one around but boy, am I exhausted.

Now here's a question for any of you: are you a part of any mommy groups? Truth be told, I'm considering starting my own "multicultural" mommy group when the baby is a few months old and I need to have more mommy friends. In the 3 years I've been home with William, I have made very few (if any) connections. I'm fairly certain that part of this has to do with the fact that I'm a non-white mother living in a predominantly white area. My two closest mom friends, both Asian, feel the same as I do.

Thoughts?

I was a part of various mom groups until Andrew entered school full time. Now that I work full-time in addition to attending school, his friends are mostly classmates.

I never wanted to be a part of all black or all white play groups, and happened to make friends with women of various nationalities. I will admit that if we lived in Atlanta we were generally one of two black families at play dates. Living in Houston has enabled us to have a wide range of friends. I would think that the experience in NYC is similar?

Maybe once you begin to look for schools for William and the baby, consider an International School. Most of the better private schools in Houston and Atlanta are majority White American, but the international schools have students from many different backgrounds. Out of thirteen children in Andrew's class, five are minorities.


----------



## Jannah6

I'd like to attend this,but my son is having a day of Cultural Expression at his school. hope some others can enjoy this.

*Hello All,

Last time it was inclement weather that postponed our event. This time its sun and fun! Come out and join the Mocha Moms of Brooklyn as we support Haitian Women for Haitian Refugees and Partners in Health and our families in a day of music, food, fun and a wonderful raffle.

We will be accepting donations to send to Haiti for the mothers and children who are surviving the devastation.

Lets enjoy the day together:

Saturday March 20 from 2-4pm at

Madiba Restaurant
195 Dekalb Avenue
Brooklyn, NY

Looking forward to seeing you all there!

Chana
*


----------



## Draupadi

shayinme said:


> *Quote:*
> 
> I tried to do mommy groups but as the only POC in a white area it just felt too awkward
> .
> 
> Yes! This totally is an issue for me. I went to several LLL meetings in this area and always felt kind of left out. Everyone had already formed their own groups and I just didn't feel that welcome (except by the LLL leader who was my LC). I really just felt like I stood out and people really didn't care to be that friendly.
> 
> Quote:
> 
> *I do think it can be hard at times to connect when you are the family of difference*.
> Definitely. One of my friends, a Korean mom of a biracial son, told me she felt the same way when she went to a church mommy group. She just didn't feel that comfortable.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Thanks








A moms group sounds great. Have you looked into MOCHA Moms?

Yes, and I kinda sorta joined online (not paying dues) but I'm not sure how much I fit in there, either. I'm not a working mom (which a lot of them seem to be) and I don't get a very AP vibe from the site either. I could be wrong.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 

I never wanted to be a part of all black or all white play groups, and happened to make friends with women of various nationalities. I will admit that if we lived in Atlanta we were generally one of two black families at play dates. Living in Houston has enabled us to have a wide range of friends. I would think that the experience in NYC is similar?

That's the thing. I do prefer being around different types of people- not all white, not all black- not one race in particular. It's what I'm used to and always have been around since I was a little kid growing up in a military family and later in the lower east side of NY. I do have many different friends of various nationalities and races but the majority of them are not moms. I have two mom friends who I hang out with regularly. One I've known for years and the other I met on the playground. Both women are Asian. Otherwise, I don't have many others that I see regularly.

Quote:

Maybe once you begin to look for schools for William and the baby, consider an International School. Most of the better private schools in Houston and Atlanta are majority White American, but the international schools have students from many different backgrounds. Out of thirteen children in Andrew's class, five are minorities.
I would love for William to go to the UNIS school here but I don't think we can afford it.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
That's the thing. I do prefer being around different types of people- not all white, not all black- not one race in particular. It's what I'm used to and always have been around since I was a little kid growing up in a military family and later in the lower east side of NY. I do have many different friends of various nationalities and races but the majority of them are not moms. I have two mom friends who I hang out with regularly. One I've known for years and the other I met on the playground. Both women are Asian. Otherwise, I don't have many others that I see regularly.

I would love for William to go to the UNIS school here but I don't think we can afford it.

The Dwight School is also supposed to be a good International Option. But I don't know anyone who has had first hand experience with the school.

Shelia, don't let finances discourage you from applying. Most schools take debt and income until account when awarding financial aid. I don't know your families financial resources, but a cousin of my Mother was awarded FA for her daughter hat covered all but $5000 of $25,000 tuition. The family of two had an income of about $100K a minimal amount of debt and live in DC.

The only down side is possibly having to pay tuition the first year if you are not awarded full tuition. In this economy some schools are not able to offer FA to first year students.


----------



## Draupadi

Finances are tight since I'm not working (and won't be for maybe another 2 years again). William will attending free pre-k in the fall and into his 4th year so that's covered.
I know we should definitely look into private.
My ultimate dream would be to send him to the Society of Friends School in this neighborhood but that tuition is astronomical.
The PS in this area are not bad but they're not fantastic either. We're not in the zone for the "good" school.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Finances are tight since I'm not working (and won't be for maybe another 2 years again). William will attending free pre-k in the fall and into his 4th year so that's covered.
I know we should definitely look into private.
My ultimate dream would be to send him to the Society of Friends School in this neighborhood but that tuition is astronomical.
The PS in this area are not bad but they're not fantastic either. We're not in the zone for the "good" school.

PK and K are the easiest years to enter, and for some schools also first grade. After that, few spaces, if any, are available on a yearly basis. Houston is competitive, so I am sure that entering private schools in NYC is a nightmare. Consider applying for PK4, don't worry about your lack of income. If it is meant for William to attend, you will receive the funds to make it happen.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
PK and K are the easiest years to enter, and for some schools also first grade. After that, few spaces, if any, are available on a yearly basis. Houston is competitive, so I am sure that entering private schools in NYC is a nightmare. Consider applying for PK4, don't worry about your lack of income. *If it is meant for William to attend, you will receive the funds to make it happen.*


Exactly!

I'm planning to homeschool but if that doesn't work out, I have a short list of 3 or 4 potential private schools for my boys--none of which I could remotely afford even if I were working full-time. But I know that where there's a will, there's a way.









Oh, and a good friend of mine works at UNIS and LOVES the environment (at least for the students) there.

I went to a few Mocha Moms meetings where I am and I totally felt left out and awkward--even though everyone was a woman of color. I felt like the only one really working hard to make ends meet. I felt like the only natural minded mama. I just felt out of place. Other moms groups I've attended have also left much to be desired so I don't even bother anymore. I'm hoping that through homeschooling, I can connect with some good families.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Exactly!

I'm planning to homeschool but if that doesn't work out, I have a short list of 3 or 4 potential private schools for my boys--none of which I could remotely afford even if I were working full-time. But I know that where there's a will, there's a way.









Oh, and a good friend of mine works at UNIS and LOVES the environment (at least for the students) there.

I went to a few Mocha Moms meetings where I am and I totally felt left out and awkward--even though everyone was a woman of color. I felt like the only one really working hard to make ends meet. I felt like the only natural minded mama. I just felt out of place. Other moms groups I've attended have also left much to be desired so I don't even bother anymore. I'm hoping that through homeschooling, I can connect with some good families.

I agree on applying to the schools even if you can't afford the full tuition. Money is tight for our family too but I plan on submitting applications for Ari to many different private schools in NYC and letting the chips fall where they may. There is also a bilingual french american charter school opening up this fall that I would love for Ari to go to and that's FREE! Ari will be 2 in October so I still have 3 years (well maybe actually 2 in terms of applications, visits, inquiries, etc...) to figure it all out. I really want Ari to attend a french bilingual school. DH and I were seriously considering leaving NYC for greener pastures in a couple of years but I recently was accepted into a graduate program and it's an awesome opportunity so we are stuck in the concrete jungle probably for several more years.

It looks like moving probably wouldn't happen until Ari is in 2nd or 3rd grade. I want a house, with a yard and lots of trees. I love the diversity of NYC and the vibrant artistic and cultural scene but I need more space, a higher quality of life and a lower cost of living. I plan on taking advantage of my remaining probably 5-6 years here. But who knows? A lot can change during that time and we may find a home that fits our needs in the Greater NY area.

But I digress, in terms of the conversations about making mom friends and being part of mommy groups, I haven't really been able to connect with moms in my area. There is a group here in Brooklyn that does really great things and it seems like the moms are pretty diverse. I am signed up on the group's message board and there are always great discussions and activities going on. Plus it seems pretty AP in terms of the parenting style of the moms. BUT, I returned to work when Ari was 3 months and most of the moms in the group either are SAHM or work part-time. I won't be working during the summer months; I will just be taking a few classes so I hope maybe I can connect with some other moms and enjoy all the summer activities in and around the city. I also want to enroll Ari in his very first swim classes and take some myself to improve my technique or lack thereof.(I want to do a triathlon someday.







)

Sheila, would love to hang out with you, William and the new baby this summer!


----------



## Jannah6

Looks like we've all been thinking about our childrens schooling. I hope everything works out for you all. I'm thinking about sending the children back to school next year. Actually it was my husbands idea,but i haven't given him a solid answer. The morning sickness has been kicking my butt and most days it's hard for me to get out of bed. I know that I probably have 2 months of this suffering







.
I'll be having a c-section in October and there is no way that I'll be able to give the children the schooling that they'll need. So I've decided to send them back to school,maybe. Another option is to send them to another homeschooling mom that I've know since I was little. I think I'll be sending my oldest son to her next year,she's tutoring him in math now and he learns so much from her in just one day. She's always homeschooled her children as well as other peoples kids. She's really great with children and her oldest children have attended Cornell and Harvard. I haven't talked to my DH about her doing the homeschooling,so we'll see. I'm just not really enthusiastic about sending my children back to their old school or any school in the neighborhood.
Arike,I'm right there with you. I want to leave NY,though it has its perks. My kids definitely need more space. We're probably going to be looking into Upstate again.


----------



## eilonwy

Personally, I've got ISSUES with private schools (having attended them for several years myself), so I don't generally think of that as an option for any of my kids. There's one school that I think would be a great fit for Boobah, but despite the very reasonable tuition it's out of our price range-- just the gas to get her there and back would be overwhelming for us right now. There are no schools in the area willing or able to accommodate Bean's needs, private or otherwise, and I think that school will prove to be equally disastrous for Bella (though for different reasons). Bear's still a baby, there's really no telling at this point, but I'm disinclined to believe that there's an ideal school environment for him locally either. It just strikes me as terribly unlikely.

That said, I'm not one of those people who believes that every parent or every child should homeschool; I'm just not inclined toward a program of shoving elitist attitudes down the throats of children, and every private school I've visited or attended (with the sole exception of the one I mentioned earlier) does just that. I could certainly create a private school environment for my children even on the shoestring budget, but it's just not something that interests me.









I've been thinking about school next year, too. Bean will be continuing with the cyber charter school, as that's still working well for him. Boobah will be withdrawing to unschool, as it's not working all that well for her. I'm still not sure about Bella; She desperately wants to do the cyber school, and while she's not exactly old enough it would not be difficult for me to finesse her in. After three years of Bean, they'll understand and believe me when I say that she's more than prepared academically for kindergarten this fall. That said, I don't think that the expectations are reasonable to place on such a little person. She doesn't like talking to people (she's shy







) and conferences are likely to go poorly. There's a lot of stress put on these kids, even in kindergarten, and I don't think that Bella will respond favorably. I might just tell her she's too young and keep her back another year, and go from there. She is really pushing for schoolwork, though.







I don't know, and I've got a few more months to think about it so I guess we'll see where we are in June/July.

My sister wants to send Chibi to a private boarding school. I find it terribly ironic in light of the fact that the reason she didn't want her homeschooled anymore was that it was "too white".







Whatever. We'll see about that, too. Chibi still wants to come home with me.







BizzyBug is having a terrible time in school right now too, but I have no idea what my sister's plans are for her. I think she wants to send her to the Montessori school... and in her case, it would probably be a really good fit. I'd be willing to keep her at home too, though she would require a lot more work from me. It's not like I'm pregnant or dealing with a newborn, though. Having a ten year old around the house, even an autistic one, would be a lot easier now than it would have been two years ago.


----------



## rootzdawta

Rynna, I'm nervous about private schools too . . . the school I found and like the most is a Sudbury school (or based on the model). What school are you referring to?


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Rynna, I'm nervous about private schools too . . . the school I found and like the most is a Sudbury school (or based on the model). What school are you referring to?









Yeah, the one I'd like to send Boobah to is also a Sudbury School: The Circle School. We visited when Bean was younger, but it wasn't a great fit for him. Boobah, on the other hand, would do very well there and I love the values of the parents, staff, and the kids.







It was one of the first places we visited while Bean was in his "everything must be pink" phase where everyone was just fine and supportive.


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 

Sheila, would love to hang out with you, William and the new baby this summer!









Of course! I'm always around, you know!


----------



## Draupadi

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Looks like we've all been thinking about our childrens schooling. I hope everything works out for you all. I'm thinking about sending the children back to school next year. Actually it was my husbands idea,but i haven't given him a solid answer. The morning sickness has been kicking my butt and most days it's hard for me to get out of bed. I know that I probably have 2 months of this suffering







.
I'll be having a c-section in October and there is no way that I'll be able to give the children the schooling that they'll need. So I've decided to send them back to school,maybe. Another option is to send them to another homeschooling mom that I've know since I was little. I think I'll be sending my oldest son to her next year,she's tutoring him in math now and he learns so much from her in just one day. She's always homeschooled her children as well as other peoples kids. She's really great with children and her oldest children have attended Cornell and Harvard. I haven't talked to my DH about her doing the homeschooling,so we'll see. I'm just not really enthusiastic about sending my children back to their old school or any school in the neighborhood.
Arike,I'm right there with you. I want to leave NY,though it has its perks. My kids definitely need more space. We're probably going to be looking into Upstate again.

Is everyone thinking of moving?

I am sooooo tired of where we are but I still love NY. I want to move to one of the outer boroughs and we've kicked around the idea of Brooklyn or Astoria quite a bit. I want a back yard and my own laundry room so bad I can taste it!

I'm tired of listening to sirens all day or some random moron singing outside my corner.

One day, I guess...We'll also have to see what educational opportunities there are for the children. This is the most important thing, IMO.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Exactly!

I'm planning to homeschool but if that doesn't work out, I have a short list of 3 or 4 potential private schools for my boys--none of which I could remotely afford even if I were working full-time. *But I know that where there's a will, there's a way*.







.

I agree!!

I went to a few Mocha Moms meetings where I am and I totally felt left out and awkward--even though everyone was a woman of color. I felt like the only one really working hard to make ends meet.[/QUOTE] Was this your perception or reality? I only ask, because this year I felt in my mind that Andrew was going to be the "poor" child. A few weeks ago, I went to breakfast with the moms of a few classmates, and it was funny to hear parents genuinely lament about their financial situations. There are other moms who are returning to work so, for the same reason as I.

You never know a persons true financial situation, and I would guarantee that half if not 3/4's of the moms there have savings accounts that resemble yours. At the end of the day it really does not matter the income level if yoru savings account is at zero and your credit cards have a high balance.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
I agree on applying to the schools even if you can't afford the full tuition. Money is tight for our family too but I plan on submitting applications for Ari to many different private schools in NYC and letting the chips fall where they may. There is also a bilingual french american charter school opening up this fall that I would love for Ari to go to and that's FREE! Ari will be 2 in October so I still have 3 years (well maybe actually 2 in terms of applications, visits, inquiries, etc...) to figure it all out. I really want Ari to attend a french bilingual school.


We are nearing the end of our first year in French bilingual school, and love our experience. Neither my husband and I speak French, but Andrew has made tremendous progress over the past few months. I had to schoose between the best AMI Montessori school in the SW and French Immersion. It was a difficult decision, but I am happy with our choice.

Many International Schools don't offer FA during the PK3 and PK4 years and only half tuition during K. We spent almost 50% of our income on tuition this year, but I don't regret the decision. I did not want to wait to apply, because there are fewer open spaces in Kindergarten and first grade.

I returned to work to get a head start on nest years tuition and to pay towards what remains from this year, but it is worth it. I know that the experiences gained will outweigh the costs. Hopefully by the time DS qualifies for full FA I will have completed school and have a full time job.

I would alos suggest looking at smaller French ministry schools for PK3 and PK4. These schools offer 100% immersion, while UNIS does not.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
I'm just not really enthusiastic about sending my children back to their old school or any school in the neighborhood.

I thought that you loved their old school?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 

That said, I'm not one of those people who believes that every parent or every child should homeschool; I'm just not inclined toward a program of shoving elitist attitudes down the throats of children, and every private school I've visited or attended (with the sole exception of the one I mentioned earlier) does just that.




It is unfortunate that you had such an awful experience. Perhaps your children might feel differently.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Rynna, I'm nervous about private schools too . . . the school I found and like the most is a Sudbury school (or based on the model). What school are you referring to?

Why are you nervous? I loved my private school experience and other than Rynna, I have not encountered anyone who attended both public and similar private schools who feel differently. I do know people who attended religious schools, or other private schools who did not feel as if their education was any different, if not worse, that what they received in public school.

Switching to public school/average parochial school was the beginning of the end for me and something that both my mother and I regret.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Is everyone thinking of moving?

I am sooooo tired of where we are but I still love NY. I want to move to one of the outer boroughs and we've kicked around the idea of Brooklyn or Astoria quite a bit. I want a back yard and my own laundry room so bad I can taste it!

I'm tired of listening to sirens all day or some random moron singing outside my corner.

One day, I guess...We'll also have to see what educational opportunities there are for the children. This is the most important thing, IMO.

Yes!!! We were truly planning on a move to DC, but tuition for our son would double. YES, double. I really want to attend Howard, but maybe for a professional program. We both want to leave Houston, and move east, but the cost of living is quite low. Top top private schools cost 30 to 50% less, we could be an awesome Townhome in the city in a great neighborhood for less than $500K or be really frugal and purchase a home that is not quite in the suburbs for about $250K, but I HATE HOUSTON. I love the international environment, but I feel as if I am a double minority. I also miss the progressive black communities found in Atlanta, which are also found on the east coast.

We also love Andrew's school and DH is reluctant to move him now,a nd I understand. When I apply to grad/professional school in two years we will go where I am accepted.

I envy you, Arike and Jannah, and would trade the space for sirens, singing morons, small living areas and a laundromat.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
I agree!!

I went to a few Mocha Moms meetings where I am and I totally felt left out and awkward--even though everyone was a woman of color. I felt like the only one really working hard to make ends meet. Was this your perception or reality?

-------------------------------
Why are you nervous? I loved my private school experience and other than Rynna, I have not encountered anyone who attended both public and similar private schools who feel differently. I do know people who attended religious schools, or other private schools who did not feel as if their education was any different, if not worse, that what they received in public school.

Switching to public school/average parochial school was the beginning of the end for me and something that both my mother and I regret.

Well, the conversation topics all revolved around things I knew I couldn't afford to do: classes for kids, going to tea and eating out, etc . . . I mean even the houses where the meetings were held. I mean the clothes, the tuition that some were paying for pre-school, the birthday parties. The lifestyle really. I felt out of my league. But, in all honesty, I live in a county of NYS that has some of the highest home prices in the whole country. We couldn't afford to live here if the hubby hadn't inherited the house and we live in one of the more economically depressed towns! Although now that the economy is slower (I know it sounds bad), I thought maybe I'd try again because maybe we'd all be in more of the same boat. Back then, I wouldn't even have felt comfortable talking about buying our clothes at the thrift store . . . because they are the ones who were donating the clothes to the thrift store.

As per private school, my sister went to a private boarding school and I went to parochial school for my whole schooling career. There were issues with each choice and I find that just because it's private doesn't mean that the curriculum will suit my child, i.e. will it be a cookie-cutter curriculum applied to each child without regard for the individuality? Will the only difference be that there will be more discipline or an actual different approach to education? I'm interested in schools that acknowledge and respect the individual learning styles of children.


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Why are you nervous? I loved my private school experience and other than Rynna, I have not encountered anyone who attended both public and similar private schools who feel differently. I do know people who attended religious schools, or other private schools who did not feel as if their education was any different, if not worse, that what they received in public school.

I know dozens who feel the same way. In fact, of everyone I know in real life who attended a private school for any significant portion of their education not one has chosen to send their own child to a private school. I find that very telling.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
As per private school, my sister went to a private boarding school and I went to parochial school for my whole schooling career. There were issues with each choice and I find that just because it's private doesn't mean that the curriculum will suit my child, i.e. will it be a cookie-cutter curriculum applied to each child without regard for the individuality? Will the only difference be that there will be more discipline or an actual different approach to education? I'm interested in schools that acknowledge and respect the individual learning styles of children.

I think there's a perception that because you pay for it, it must be better and that the more you pay, the better it must be. Everyone thought that the exclusive, painfully expensive private school I attended for a while was full of really smart kids. It wasn't; It was full of kids with parents who made a lot of money and who lived in big houses and had everything they could ever want, but they weren't necessarily all that intelligent. I can remember being flabbergasted that they were all so far behind me in math.







It was also a tightly kept secret that the students in that school had the worst drug problems and that they developed them earlier than did students in the local public schools. They were the only kids who could afford to have serious drug problems-- and I'm not talking about high school seniors smoking pot on the weekends, I'm talking about eighth graders shooting heroin and snorting coke between classes.







In fact, I knew of a seventh grader whose parents traveled frequently and who would hold drug-ridden orgies in their absence. I'm totally serious.









All that, and a curriculum that was decent but not terribly accommodating. They were afraid to grade skip me because I was the shortest girl in my class already, and one of the youngest (







), they couldn't adjust the curriculum even though it was woefully inadequate to my needs. Socially I was all right, but that was only because I was quickly "recognized" by another girl as "one of the smart kids," and because the leader of that clique was sweet as pie. If she hadn't been such a doll, it would have been an absolute disaster.







I had the wrong shoes and the wrong backpack, I didn't have pierced ears nor did I wear jewelry of any kind, and I couldn't care less about school dances. That doesn't even get into the main problem I have with private schools, namely the unhealthy sense of elitism that is fostered, even nurtured, in the students.







It's just not a paradigm I can support.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Of course! I'm always around, you know!

Yay! I can come hang out on the days I don't have class!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Draupadi* 
Is everyone thinking of moving?

I am sooooo tired of where we are but I still love NY. I want to move to one of the outer boroughs and we've kicked around the idea of Brooklyn or Astoria quite a bit. I want a back yard and my own laundry room so bad I can taste it!

I'm tired of listening to sirens all day or some random moron singing outside my corner.

One day, I guess...We'll also have to see what educational opportunities there are for the children. This is the most important thing, IMO.

I definitely want to move from where we are now. I would love to stay in Brooklyn if I could find a spacious apartment/house with a yard in a great neighborhood. But money is tight so we have to stay put for the time being. I really am not trying to spend 2,000 a month on a 800 square foot apartment! These rent prices are CRAZY! I like city living but I sometimes fantasize about having a big house down in North Carolina. I guess I am a little bit country and a little bit city, lol. I feel torn about it because I love what NY has to offer but I also miss the space I had growing up in suburban connecticut.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
We are nearing the end of our first year in French bilingual school, and love our experience. Neither my husband and I speak French, but Andrew has made tremendous progress over the past few months. I had to schoose between the best AMI Montessori school in the SW and French Immersion. It was a difficult decision, but I am happy with our choice.

I am glad to hear that Andrew is having a great experience in his french bilingual school! I am fluent in french and Ari has been doing a french immersion DVD program since he was 6 months old. He has been saying a few words here and there while watching the program. I hope to continue his french language learning at an immersion school. Thanks for the insight!

RE: Private School

I went to private school for K-8 and then by my own choice, I attended a public high school. It was a good school and I took mostly honors and AP courses. I can see the pros and cons in both public and private institutions. My private school was very small and was not very diverse. At the time, I don't think it fostered an elitist attitude but I think things have changed from when I attended. NYC public schools for the most part are hit or miss. I want Ari to be in a school where the parents are involved and care about their children's education. If I can get Ari into the charter french immersion school in Harlem, I would be so happy. If not, private school it is while we remain in NYC. I have been researching areas of North Carolina to move to and the Chapel Hill area has a great public school system. Oh and my brother did private school K-12 and I don't think he turned out any better than I did, lol. Maybe everything evened out when he went to a large public university and I went to a small private all women's college? In any case, I will just say that making decisions about our children's education can be complicated.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Well, the conversation topics all revolved around things I knew I couldn't afford to do: classes for kids, going to tea and eating out, etc . . . I mean even the houses where the meetings were held. I mean the clothes, the tuition that some were paying for pre-school, the birthday parties. The lifestyle really. I felt out of my league. But, in all honesty, I live in a county of NYS that has some of the highest home prices in the whole country. We couldn't afford to live here if the hubby hadn't inherited the house and we live in one of the more economically depressed towns! Although now that the economy is slower (I know it sounds bad), I thought maybe I'd try again because maybe we'd all be in more of the same boat. Back then, I wouldn't even have felt comfortable talking about buying our clothes at the thrift store . . . because they are the ones who were donating the clothes to the thrift store.

As per private school, my sister went to a private boarding school and I went to parochial school for my whole schooling career. There were issues with each choice and I find that just because it's private doesn't mean that the curriculum will suit my child, i.e. will it be a cookie-cutter curriculum applied to each child without regard for the individuality? Will the only difference be that there will be more discipline or an actual different approach to education? I'm interested in schools that acknowledge and respect the individual learning styles of children.

No, private does not mean better, but I would not even consider sending my child to a run of the mill private school just for the sake of a non public school education. Each school will present issues, even those that parents believe are the best fit for their children.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
No, private does not mean better, but I would not even consider sending my child to a run of the mill private school just for the sake of a non public school education. Each school will present issues, even those that parents believe are the best fit for their children.









That's what I've been saying. Even homeschooling presents issues. It _is_ all about finding the best fit for your child and that's all I'm interested in--whatever form it comes in: public, private or not..


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 







That's what I've been saying. Even homeschooling presents issues. It _is_ all about finding the best fit for your child and that's all I'm interested in--whatever form it comes in: public, private or not..











I could not comprehend your point, quite possibly because my ideas about school choice are sligtly different. In my mind the majority of private schools, public schools are not a valid option for our family. I would not want to homeschool, but would do so before considering public school.

I think that the best fit is found in certain private school, that are able to provide experiences and environments that few public schools can emulate.


----------



## Bloomingstar

wow, I haven't been around for awhile! I, too, fantasize about getting away from the sirens and singing fools and having a nice house with a yard, etc. My husband keeps making up timelines in which we will move to the Caribbean, so who knows when and where we'll actually go.

(And Jannah and Arike, have you all been following the rapist/slasher stuff going on in the neighborhood?







all bad).

I've gone to a few Mocha Moms things and I had similar feelings. I've also given them my contact info like 3 times and still haven't been contacted, ever, so that annoys me. I think I also just feel out of place in SO many of these "moms" type things. I'm pretty shy, I look younger than I am, generally, and am somehow younger than most of them all the time anyway. The being--or feeling, or being perceived as--younger thing has really been an issue for me with all of this. But I'm 5'2" and sound like Lisa Simpson







(it's true, I can't help it and I'll bet Jannah and Arike will co-sign on that fact if they think about it ), it's probably not gonna change that much. I probably should also make more of an effort, though, but it is hard with so much else going on in life to then have to try to put energy into cultivating new friendships that will go beyond "wow, I have a one year old and boy am I sleepy too!"


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bloomingstar* 
wow, I haven't been around for awhile! I, too, fantasize about getting away from the sirens and singing fools and having a nice house with a yard, etc. My husband keeps making up timelines in which we will move to the Caribbean, so who knows when and where we'll actually go.

(And Jannah and Arike, have you all been following the rapist/slasher stuff going on in the neighborhood?







all bad).

I've gone to a few Mocha Moms things and I had similar feelings. I've also given them my contact info like 3 times and still haven't been contacted, ever, so that annoys me. I think I also just feel out of place in SO many of these "moms" type things. I'm pretty shy, I look younger than I am, generally, and am somehow younger than most of them all the time anyway. The being--or feeling, or being perceived as--younger thing has really been an issue for me with all of this. But I'm 5'2" and sound like Lisa Simpson








(it's true, I can't help it and I'll bet Jannah and Arike will co-sign on that fact if they think about it ), it's probably not gonna change that much. I probably should also make more of an effort, though, but it is hard with so much else going on in life to then have to try to put energy into cultivating new friendships that will go beyond "wow, I have a one year old and boy am I sleepy too!"

Hi Bloomingstar, I think you look "youthful" but I wouldn't think you were a teen mom or something if I saw you. You look like you are in the same peer group as me and my friends, mid-to-late twenty somethings, some early 30 somethings. I don't know, maybe people think I am young too? I know that in certain mom situations, I "feel" younger and find it hard to connect with the other women. Most of my friends don't have children and I feel like although I am a mom, my style hasn't changed and I still like socializing and I still want to be FAB! A lot of people tell me I don't have that "mom look". I am still trying to figure out what that is...

My DH and I are always fantasizing about moving to the Caribbean. We have many friends there and my husband has some relatives living in Haiti as well as some family connections to Guadeloupe. If we could get decent jobs on one of the islands, we would be there in a heartbeat! But I think with the career I am pursuing by going back to school and the credentials I would receive, I would be limited to US territories, so basically Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands. I guess maybe I should start learning Spanish! I just want to get away from the concrete jungle and all the craziness. I did hear about the recent sexual assaults and the slashings going on in our neighborhood. It has definitely put me on edge, especially when I am walking from the subway station in the dark.


----------



## rootzdawta

To all living in the area where this rapist is, I'm praying for your safety guys! And hope he gets apprehended soon. Recently, they caught a rapist in my sister's neighborhood and I was so relieved.


----------



## rootzdawta

Bloomingstar, most folks think I'm older than I am but when they find out my age, I do get treated differently. It's not nice. Also, I'm usually the youngest mom in all these mom groups.

I do agree . . . I think I've pretty much given up on the mom group thing. I don't really want to go through a whole lot lengths and often times, you're absolutely right, the only thing we have in common is that we have kids!

Now that the kids are older, I go out more on my own to yoga classes, to chant, etc . . . and have made some good contacts like that with folks who are either child free or done raising kids. I also met an amazing mama and her son (who's slightly older) through homeschooling. So yeah, connecting with folks about something other than motherhood has really helped to plug the socialization hole for me.


----------



## rootzdawta

I've been a little hesitant to share with anyone . . . I don't know if I'm being silly or what but I'm down to a size 6 from a size 14. I started Weight Watchers towards the end of December. It feels awesome! And was a whole lot easier than I imagined. Now I'm focusing on getting in serious shape (like maybe competing??) which is something more productive (for me) to focus on (as opposed to wanting more kids!).


----------



## eilonwy

Congrats, Rootzdawta!







That's quite an accomplishment.

I'm on a pretty intense "Live the life you want to live" kind of kick right now. It must be treasure mapping time.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I've been a little hesitant to share with anyone . . . I don't know if I'm being silly or what but I'm down to a size 6 from a size 14. I started Weight Watchers towards the end of December. It feels awesome! And was a whole lot easier than I imagined. Now I'm focusing on getting in serious shape (like maybe competing??) which is something more productive (for me) to focus on (as opposed to wanting more kids!).









That is fantastic and so inspiring







. I have changed my lifestyle too and lost two dress sizes. While the scale hasn't reflected my loss, I'll take the loss of inches as a measure of success. I exercise almost daily and eat low carb/low fat. I have some ongoing health issues that make it very challenging to lose weight.

Good luck with the next step!! Keep us posted. I am always looking for inspiration.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I've been a little hesitant to share with anyone . . . I don't know if I'm being silly or what but I'm down to a size 6 from a size 14. I started Weight Watchers towards the end of December. It feels awesome! And was a whole lot easier than I imagined. Now I'm focusing on getting in serious shape (like maybe competing??) which is something more productive (for me) to focus on (as opposed to wanting more kids!).










WOW! Congratulations Rootz!







That is AWESOME! I know you have worked so hard on your weight loss. I am very happy for you! I think we are in the same boat, although I still want to lose more weight, I really am focusing on getting into serious shape, like six pack abs type shape! Which means bringing my body fat percentage down. I want actual definition and I am also thinking about getting certified in personal training. I can't wait to hear about your new goals in competing! Are you thinking like a Figure Competition? I have always wanted to do that... I am currently using the Bodybugg system (what they use on the Biggest Loser to measure how many calories the contestants burn while counting calories to create the deficit for weight loss) to lose the remainder of my weight/fat while I train for the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May. I needed a program that would help me lose weight while simultaneously improving my athletic performance so I am happy I found the Bodybugg.


----------



## purplegirl

I have been dealing with some challenges over the past couple of weeks. My dad went in for a simple cataract surgery. The procedure went well except the very next day he was in intense pain. He saw the doctor immediately who discovered a "horrid infection" in his eye. For two weeks he has gotten injections, drops of very expensive medication all to no avail. Today he sees the specialist who said he needed to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, I had accompanied him to the appointment and was able to ask questions. Her prognosis for him is 'guarded' and she indicated that he has months before they will know if his vision will return at all. We go quickly to the surgicenter where the eye surgeon does a quick examination. During this examination,my dad was unable to see any light at all. The surgeon turns to me and says, "this is not a good sign" and left the room. I read that as an indicator that it is worse than initially thought and that the chance for getting his vision back was hopeless. Of course, that remains to be determined and I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm scared and very concerned for my folks. They are quite active and my dad will have a difficult time accepting the loss of his vision if that comes to be. I told my mom she needs to be prepared for the worst case scenario and though she didn't want to hear that, I'm being realistic.

So while this is extremely difficult, I am more disappointed in my 'friends'. Earlier today I text my childhood friend, whom I've known forever. In fact, her dad was at the hospital with us. Her reply was... 'BUMMER'. WTH? That's all the consolation she has to offer. She lost a relative a few weeks ago. I was emailing, calling and texting her daily to see how they were holding up and all she could say was 'bummer'???

I told another friend when it happened two weeks ago and I've not heard one word from her. She went through a financial crisis, for which I not only offered assistance, but I stayed in daily contact with her to support her through a tough time. No emails, txts or calls from her at all.

I'm angry about my dad's situation but damn, I am pissed at my 'friends'. Michael tells me I'm being too sensitive and that I shouldn't expect people to act the same way I do. Maybe he's right but if you can't count on your friends during a time like this, when can you?

I am so hurt, scared and overwhelmed. It's hard to know what to do because truthfully, there's nothing to be done.
Thanks for listening.


----------



## Arike

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I have been dealing with some challenges over the past couple of weeks. My dad went in for a simple cataract surgery. The procedure went well except the very next day he was in intense pain. He saw the doctor immediately who discovered a "horrid infection" in his eye. For two weeks he has gotten injections, drops of very expensive medication all to no avail. Today he sees the specialist who said he needed to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, I had accompanied him to the appointment and was able to ask questions. Her prognosis for him is 'guarded' and she indicated that he has months before they will know if his vision will return at all. We go quickly to the surgicenter where the eye surgeon does a quick examination. During this examination,my dad was unable to see any light at all. The surgeon turns to me and says, "this is not a good sign" and left the room. I read that as an indicator that it is worse than initially thought and that the chance for getting his vision back was hopeless. Of course, that remains to be determined and I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm scared and very concerned for my folks. They are quite active and my dad will have a difficult time accepting the loss of his vision if that comes to be. I told my mom she needs to be prepared for the worst case scenario and though she didn't want to hear that, I'm being realistic.

So while this is extremely difficult, I am more disappointed in my 'friends'. Earlier today I text my childhood friend, whom I've known forever. In fact, her dad was at the hospital with us. Her reply was... 'BUMMER'. WTH? That's all the consolation she has to offer. She lost a relative a few weeks ago. I was emailing, calling and texting her daily to see how they were holding up and all she could say was 'bummer'???

I told another friend when it happened two weeks ago and I've not heard one word from her. She went through a financial crisis, for which I not only offered assistance, but I stayed in daily contact with her to support her through a tough time. No emails, txts or calls from her at all.

I'm angry about my dad's situation but damn, I am pissed at my 'friends'. Michael tells me I'm being too sensitive and that I shouldn't expect people to act the same way I do. Maybe he's right but if you can't count on your friends during a time like this, when can you?

I am so hurt, scared and overwhelmed. It's hard to know what to do because truthfully, there's nothing to be done.
Thanks for listening.

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope they are able to help your father with the emergency surgery. I totally relate to being disappointed with "friends". In the past few years, I have gone through a lot and people who I thought would be there for me, were not. And then I question whether these people are really "friends" or just friendly acquaintances... I really can only count my true blue friends on one hand...and still have a few fingers left over. Again I am so sorry for what you are going through.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope they are able to help your father with the emergency surgery. I totally relate to being disappointed with "friends". In the past few years, I have gone through a lot and people who I thought would be there for me, were not. And then I question whether these people are really "friends" or just friendly acquaintances... I really can only count my true blue friends on one hand...and still have a few fingers left over. Again I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Thank you. It's such a tough pill to swallow. If I call you my friend, I mean I got your back through thick or thin. I find it so deeply disturbing that 'my girls" have left me hanging at such a difficult time. Sometimes I think I attract self-centered people because I am so accepting and giving. I think in some ways, it gives people the impression that I don't need. I don't know.







Once my dad is better, I will find the strength to do what I need to do and perhaps that means, letting go. Thanks again!!!


----------



## rootzdawta

Many hugs to you Purplegirl! I pray that it all turns out well for your dad.









And I know how painful it is in the midst of a crisis to realize full force that your friends are not friends. Often, that's the blessing in crises . . . it helps to make clear who's with us and who's not. I think it's true: you can't expect others to behave the way you do but you *absolutely* can expect to be treated the way you treat others. You deserve reciprocity in all your relationships and if these friends you have are not willing or able, it is time to re-evaluate and come up with a list of criteria or "must-haves" for any future girlfriends.

I have a few women I'm very friendly with but very few friends.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arike* 
WOW! Congratulations Rootz!







That is AWESOME! I know you have worked so hard on your weight loss. I am very happy for you! I think we are in the same boat, although I still want to lose more weight, *I really am focusing on getting into serious shape, like six pack abs type shape!* Which means bringing my body fat percentage down. I want actual definition and I am also thinking about getting certified in personal training. I can't wait to hear about your new goals in competing! Are you thinking like a Figure Competition? I have always wanted to do that... I am currently using the Bodybugg system (what they use on the Biggest Loser to measure how many calories the contestants burn while counting calories to create the deficit for weight loss) to lose the remainder of my weight/fat while I train for the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May. I needed a program that would help me lose weight while simultaneously improving my athletic performance so I am happy I found the Bodybugg.











The Bodybugg sounds so cool.

I am thinking about a figure competition although I'm so self conscious I don't know if I could ever do it. But I really want to challenge myself physically at some point some I may run a marathon like you!


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Many hugs to you Purplegirl! I pray that it all turns out well for your dad.









And I know how painful it is in the midst of a crisis to realize full force that your friends are not friends. Often, that's the blessing in crises . . . it helps to make clear who's with us and who's not. I think it's true: you can't expect others to behave the way you do but you *absolutely* can expect to be treated the way you treat others. You deserve reciprocity in all your relationships and if these friends you have are not willing or able, it is time to re-evaluate and come up with a list of criteria or "must-haves" for any future girlfriends.

I have a few women I'm very friendly with but very few friends.

Thank you Rootz. My dad is home and in significant pain--terrible headache. The doctor said it is expected because of the inflammation and infection process. When I left he was asleep so I am hoping that means the pain was at least more bearable. During the surgery, the doc could not see his retina because the infection was just that bad. He's hoping that as it settles down, he will be able to assess the condition of the eye. It's a day by day thing.
The friend thing really has me pondering lots! ugh.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Many hugs to you purplegirl!!! I hope your father heals quickly and has a good outcome.

Congrats Rootzdawta!!!


----------



## Sorin

Hey, everyone! I just wanted to post a little update on me (it has been a while since I posted, but I do read all the time--hugs and support to everyone who needs it!)

I'm in the home stretch. Baby girl is due on April 19th. I'll "officially" be 38 weeks on Monday, so I know that she could come at any time. I'm not feeling any signs, however, and the midwife said that 70% of first time moms go 7-10 days late, so I just have to be patient. This week coming up is my last week at work, and I just received my "Yes, you can go on leave" FLMA paperwork, so I feel good about that. My job threw me a surprise shower, and my mother had a shower for us last Saturday, which was so fun. We've got all the essentials (car seat, place for her to sleep, stroller) plus tons of totally non-essential but absolutely adorable baby items, so I think that we are about as ready as we are ever going to be at this point.

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today; unfortunately, there were no nursing moms there, just another pregnant woman who is not due until July! The leaders were nice, though, and I have their contact information in case I need to call someone.

I think that's it! The weather here in the Chi has instantly become wonderful. As usual, we went from 40s last week to hitting 80 in the past two days. It is days like this one that causes us to remember why we endure nearly 6 months of bone-chilling winter! I can't wait to meet this little one and take her for strolls along the lakeshore.

Oh, and to speak on the school discussion--I went to a private grammar school (non-religious) and private (Catholic) high school, and DH went to a public grammar school and the same private high school that I attended. We both had great experiences. We already know that we would like for baby girl to go to the same high school we went to. I don't think that we will be sending her to a non-religious private grammar school; they are just too expensive. Some of them have higher tuition than our high school! We are looking into Catholic grammar schools and magnet schools because the neighborhood Chicago Public schools are . . . well . . . to say "not good" would be an understatement.


----------



## Jannah6

OMG Purplegirl,I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I pray that with each passing day more of his pain is relieved and his sight is restored. BIG BIG







s to you during this time.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
I've been a little hesitant to share with anyone . . . I don't know if I'm being silly or what but I'm down to a size 6 from a size 14. I started Weight Watchers towards the end of December. It feels awesome! And was a whole lot easier than I imagined. Now I'm focusing on getting in serious shape (like maybe competing??) which is something more productive (for me) to focus on (as opposed to wanting more kids!).









Congrats! That is a big deal and as you know from my own weight loss journey I know how you feel. I went fron a 14 to a 6 myself, occasionally 4's but mostly 6's. Did you stick with WW the whole time? I know you had been ambivalent because of the cost but I really feel WW is a great program, its been 2 years since I hit my goal and stayed at it. Congrats again. I found when I went down in size it worked out well thrifting, I have a fabulous collection of thrift store skirts..

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
I have been dealing with some challenges over the past couple of weeks. My dad went in for a simple cataract surgery. The procedure went well except the very next day he was in intense pain. He saw the doctor immediately who discovered a "horrid infection" in his eye. For two weeks he has gotten injections, drops of very expensive medication all to no avail. Today he sees the specialist who said he needed to have emergency surgery. Fortunately, I had accompanied him to the appointment and was able to ask questions. Her prognosis for him is 'guarded' and she indicated that he has months before they will know if his vision will return at all. We go quickly to the surgicenter where the eye surgeon does a quick examination. During this examination,my dad was unable to see any light at all. The surgeon turns to me and says, "this is not a good sign" and left the room. I read that as an indicator that it is worse than initially thought and that the chance for getting his vision back was hopeless. Of course, that remains to be determined and I'm trying to be hopeful. I'm scared and very concerned for my folks. They are quite active and my dad will have a difficult time accepting the loss of his vision if that comes to be. I told my mom she needs to be prepared for the worst case scenario and though she didn't want to hear that, I'm being realistic.

So while this is extremely difficult, I am more disappointed in my 'friends'. Earlier today I text my childhood friend, whom I've known forever. In fact, her dad was at the hospital with us. Her reply was... 'BUMMER'. WTH? That's all the consolation she has to offer. She lost a relative a few weeks ago. I was emailing, calling and texting her daily to see how they were holding up and all she could say was 'bummer'???

I told another friend when it happened two weeks ago and I've not heard one word from her. She went through a financial crisis, for which I not only offered assistance, but I stayed in daily contact with her to support her through a tough time. No emails, txts or calls from her at all.

I'm angry about my dad's situation but damn, I am pissed at my 'friends'. Michael tells me I'm being too sensitive and that I shouldn't expect people to act the same way I do. Maybe he's right but if you can't count on your friends during a time like this, when can you?

I am so hurt, scared and overwhelmed. It's hard to know what to do because truthfully, there's nothing to be done.
Thanks for listening.

Hugs to you Lisa. I am so sorry that you and your father are going through this and will lift you both up in prayer.

Sadly I am not surprised to hear your girls are not there, I feel like as a society we are getting so selfish. Its like people do not know how to connect anymore...I wish you were closer to me if nothing else to get together over a drink.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Hey, everyone! I just wanted to post a little update on me (it has been a while since I posted, but I do read all the time--hugs and support to everyone who needs it!)

I'm in the home stretch. Baby girl is due on April 19th. I'll "officially" be 38 weeks on Monday, so I know that she could come at any time. I'm not feeling any signs, however, and the midwife said that 70% of first time moms go 7-10 days late, so I just have to be patient. This week coming up is my last week at work, and I just received my "Yes, you can go on leave" FLMA paperwork, so I feel good about that. My job threw me a surprise shower, and my mother had a shower for us last Saturday, which was so fun. We've got all the essentials (car seat, place for her to sleep, stroller) plus tons of totally non-essential but absolutely adorable baby items, so I think that we are about as ready as we are ever going to be at this point.

I went to my first La Leche League meeting today; unfortunately, there were no nursing moms there, just another pregnant woman who is not due until July! The leaders were nice, though, and I have their contact information in case I need to call someone.

I think that's it! The weather here in the Chi has instantly become wonderful. As usual, we went from 40s last week to hitting 80 in the past two days. It is days like this one that causes us to remember why we endure nearly 6 months of bone-chilling winter! I can't wait to meet this little one and take her for strolls along the lakeshore.

Oh, and to speak on the school discussion--I went to a private grammar school (non-religious) and private (Catholic) high school, and DH went to a public grammar school and the same private high school that I attended. We both had great experiences. We already know that we would like for baby girl to go to the same high school we went to. I don't think that we will be sending her to a non-religious private grammar school; they are just too expensive. Some of them have higher tuition than our high school! We are looking into Catholic grammar schools and magnet schools because the neighborhood Chicago Public schools are . . . well . . . to say "not good" would be an understatement.

I am from Chicago, granted I haven't lived there in 8 years but I still have family there and am a product of CPS. I hear ya about the schools, when my son started school when we still lived in Chicago I sent him to a catholic school. I used to daydream about schools like Parker and Latin but those places were way out of my league.

Funny thing is even in a good area and we lived in Andersonville the public schools can be sketchy.

Anyway I am well, getting ready to have hernia repair surgery in 2 weeks, had to postpone it because I had no one to help with dd







. Since dh wants to be with me at the hospital so I need someone to watch her, think I may have someone lined up..I am hoping.

My son graduates from high school in 2 mos and well we really don't know where he is going for college. He only applied to 4 schools and well the safety schools said no, and he was waitlisted at University of Vermont. I am scared because he is in love...first love. Guess what honey is taking a year off and I fear this is what made him only apply to 4 schools and not all of the schools we discussed. I have heard getting into schools this year is tough...funny thing is this kid is the frickin senior class president, president of the thespian society and captain of the debate team. He has a solid ACT score but his freshman year he goofed and it brought his gpa down and while taking honors classes was good, getting B's in them was not.

I don't know, he is 18 and a good kid he is here on spring break so we will be talking about his future. I have a few tricks up my sleeve as far as schools we can apply late to, but he needs to decide what he wants.

Right now I think he wants to take a year off...when the babies are young you plan their lives but they reach an age where you have to take the training wheels off and let them decide their course.


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## purplegirl

You all have warmed my heart more than you know. It's been so hard. My dad's sight hasn't returned and honestly, I don't think it will. It's been close to three weeks and my gut is telling me that the retina is irreparably damaged. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. The specialists won't give an opinion until the infection clears but, I think they already know. This is such a blow to my family because my dad is so active and will be devastated if his sight is permanently gone.

Shay, it saddens me to see the self absorption that seems to be pervasive in our society. The person I've called my BFF has yet to even call me. I grew up with this chick and have known her for well over 30 years









Life will go on albeit very different and undetermined.

Sorin, I'm so excited for you!! Continued blessings as you progress through your pregnancy.

Again, thanks for the support. You can't imagine how good it feels.


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## oyinmama

hey beautifuls, it's me, lurkie mcgee. i look forward to being way more active in this thread in the coming... well... 9 months or so... #crypticpost #ormaybenotsomuch

@lisa - i am so sorry to hear about your father and his struggles with his sight. i am sending love and light to you, to him, and to your entire family during this difficult time of suspense. ((hugs))

i'm also sorry that you are not receiving the support you need from your friends IRL. hopefully the clarity you receive about these relationships now can help you in the future. they always say that in difficult times you find out who your 'true friends' are - that's sometimes a difficult lesson to learn but a very important one.


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## AndrewsMother

Lisa, don't give up on your father's sight. Keep positive, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Sorin,







Congratulations!!!!!!









Rootz, Congratulations to you too!!!! How long did it take you to lose the weight?

Shay, I don't think that I would be as calm as you.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
You all have warmed my heart more than you know. It's been so hard. My dad's sight hasn't returned and honestly, I don't think it will. It's been close to three weeks and my gut is telling me that the retina is irreparably damaged. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think so. The specialists won't give an opinion until the infection clears but, I think they already know. This is such a blow to my family because my dad is so active and will be devastated if his sight is permanently gone.

Shay, it saddens me to see the self absorption that seems to be pervasive in our society. The person I've called my BFF has yet to even call me. I grew up with this chick and have known her for well over 30 years









Life will go on albeit very different and undetermined.

Sorin, I'm so excited for you!! Continued blessings as you progress through your pregnancy.

Again, thanks for the support. You can't imagine how good it feels.









All you can do is go on but it does leave a bitter taste in your mouth to see the folks that you thought were your rock pretty much not act in a caring way. Just trust and believe that you will be granted the strength you need to carry on.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
hey beautifuls, it's me, lurkie mcgee. i look forward to being way more active in this thread in the coming... well... 9 months or so... #crypticpost #ormaybenotsomuch

@lisa - i am so sorry to hear about your father and his struggles with his sight. i am sending love and light to you, to him, and to your entire family during this difficult time of suspense. ((hugs))

i'm also sorry that you are not receiving the support you need from your friends IRL. hopefully the clarity you receive about these relationships now can help you in the future. they always say that in difficult times you find out who your 'true friends' are - that's sometimes a difficult lesson to learn but a very important one.

Good to see you around here. I agree I hope this thread picks up again, granted I have been guilty of only lurking and not posting so I will work on that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Lisa, don't give up on your father's sight. Keep positive, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Sorin,







Congratulations!!!!!!









Rootz, Congratulations to you too!!!! How long did it take you to lose the weight?

Shay, I don't think that I would be as calm as you.

I really am not calm but it hit me he is 18 and legally he is an adult. I ran off and got married at 18, had him at 19 so I know that I need to proceed very gentle and calmly. Believe me in my head I am yelling and laying down the law but I know that does not work, so I am counting my blessings that he has always been a good gift and trusting that it will all work out. Hell, at 19 my folks figured I was doomed and I overcame and as I told him last night =, long as he does nothing that a. makes him a criminal/felon, b.gets anyone knocked up or c. joins the military we can work on a plan.

Its funny because we put so much into the decisions and planning when they are little yet I am starting to become convinced the real parenting in some ways starts when they hit the age/stage where our voices are not the only ones they hear and possibly heed.

He is headstrong and I think its starting to hit him that not taking my advice was not a wise idea so there is hope..


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I agree I hope this thread picks up again, granted I have been guilty of only lurking and not posting so I will work on that.

I really am not calm but it hit me he is 18 and legally he is an adult. I ran off and got married at 18, had him at 19 so I know that I need to proceed very gentle and calmly. Believe me in my head I am yelling and laying down the law but I know that does not work, so I am counting my blessings that he has always been a good gift and trusting that it will all work out. Hell, at 19 my folks figured I was doomed and I overcame and as I told him last night =, long as he does nothing that a. makes him a criminal/felon, b.gets anyone knocked up or c. joins the military we can work on a plan.

Its funny because we put so much into the decisions and planning when they are little yet I am starting to become convinced the real parenting in some ways starts when they hit the age/stage where our voices are not the only ones they hear and possibly heed.

He is headstrong and I think its starting to hit him that not taking my advice was not a wise idea so there is hope..

Your a, b, and c list is the same as mine, except add d, and e.

I don't look forward to the day I have to allow DS to make his first big decision.

Shay you seem so sensible, so I have to believe that your son shares some of that characteristic. Girls frighten me with regard to raising a son. The wrong type of woman can effortlessly vitiate years of parental guidance, even if only temporarily.

You said that you have a list of back up schools, until when does he have to decide his intentions for the fall?


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## jeca

I know I'm late to the convo but







Lisa. I know it's hard to think of your Dad in pain. When we think of Dads all we can remember is how strong and big they have always been to us, even now all grown up.









Congrats rootzdawta.


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## Jannah6

Shay I'm curious,did your son give a reason for wanting to take a year off? When I graduated from high school I wanted to take a year off too. It was a no go with my family. I'm the baby and was the first to go to school. So everyone was looking at me to be "The One". I always felt the pressure and at so many points I felt burned out. Eventually I just stopped putting in any effort,which lead to academic probation







. It's crazy because I was 25 and married,but still living my life for other people.
I don't know what his reasons are,but maybe in the long run it's the best solution for him. I'm happy that he consulted you and that you are level headed enough to work with him on this.

Oyin, does your post mean what I think it means???























Lisa, I am thinking of you and your father everyday







.


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## Sorin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I don't know, he is 18 and a good kid he is here on spring break so we will be talking about his future. I have a few tricks up my sleeve as far as schools we can apply late to, but he needs to decide what he wants.

Right now I think he wants to take a year off...when the babies are young you plan their lives but they reach an age where you have to take the training wheels off and let them decide their course.

Shay,

Have you thought about trying to convince your son to go to community colllege until he decides what he wants to do? Generally speaking, I think it is a bad idea to lose the momentum of going to school (many many many of my students regret "taking time off" only to return 5/10/15 years later). If you could convince him even to go part time (one or two classes), he would have the free time to figure out what he really wants to do while still staying in the habit of being a student. Good luck!


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Your a, b, and c list is the same as mine, except add d, and e.

I don't look forward to the day I have to allow DS to make his first big decision.

Shay you seem so sensible, so I have to believe that your son shares some of that characteristic. Girls frighten me with regard to raising a son. The wrong type of woman can effortlessly vitiate years of parental guidance, even if only temporarily.

You said that you have a list of back up schools, until when does he have to decide his intentions for the fall?


Well he needs to make some decisions soon but he just seems to be in his typical laid back go with the flow phase which is maddening. My ex MIL has pulled some strings at a small college in MA and we need to go visit it this week but he is against going to school there.














I am really struggling to stay calm and not lay down the law.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jannah6* 
Shay I'm curious,did your son give a reason for wanting to take a year off? When I graduated from high school I wanted to take a year off too. It was a no go with my family. I'm the baby and was the first to go to school. So everyone was looking at me to be "The One". I always felt the pressure and at so many points I felt burned out. Eventually I just stopped putting in any effort,which lead to academic probation







. It's crazy because I was 25 and married,but still living my life for other people.
I don't know what his reasons are,but maybe in the long run it's the best solution for him. I'm happy that he consulted you and that you are level headed enough to work with him on this.

Oyin, does your post mean what I think it means???























Lisa, I am thinking of you and your father everyday







.

There is no specific reason other than if he doesn't get into UVM or a school he really wants to attend he will just take the year off and work with his father which is a bad idea on all levels. Its the type of bad that even my ex-husband's mother is against it. I am not trying to put pressure on him but I know how easy it is to one day be 18 and the next you are 25 with a 1-2 kids and thinking dang, I should have gone to college, my choices are limited.

I guess because that is the road I took, I desperately want to steer him clear of that...he was 7 or so when I went back to school, he has seen how hard I worked. I was in school up until 4 years ago, it was hard to juggle a marriage, kid, work and school, so I know this is what is driving my reluctance to say take the year off with no plan. Especially when you are talking about being in love.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sorin* 
Shay,

Have you thought about trying to convince your son to go to community colllege until he decides what he wants to do? Generally speaking, I think it is a bad idea to lose the momentum of going to school (many many many of my students regret "taking time off" only to return 5/10/15 years later). If you could convince him even to go part time (one or two classes), he would have the free time to figure out what he really wants to do while still staying in the habit of being a student. Good luck!

This is one angle I am trying, because like you I believe its easier to stay in a school state of mind if you keep going even on a part time basis.

Ugh....this is a hard stage to be at. Enjoy those baby years ladies, they go by way too fast.


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## oyinmama

@jannah6 -- whoohoo yeah!









add me to the list of sisters reading shay's posts and marvelling at the job she's doing. i'll look at my little monster's nearly-2-yr-old 'no!' moments with a different kind of patience and kindness today, appreciating them for the walk in the park they are.

i love yr a, b, c list - sounds useful to determine what your non-negotiables really are so that you can maintain perspective on the other stuff.

it's a tough time to be a teenager. (not that any time isn't, but...) i keep reading about how kids graduating now are less optimistic, less sure about their futures b/c of the bad economy and seeing people with degrees struggling, seeing their parents struggling, etc. but i feel like you are in a great position to talk to him about it b/c of your experience -- you've been there, taken a break, had to fight your way back. in one of your posts it seemed you saw this as giving you less of a leg to stand on b/c you'd gone against your parents' wishes so couldn't quite say 'do what i say just b/c i'm the mom' but the way i see it, b/c you've had that experience and he's seen how hard you've had to work, you're in an EXCELLENT position to say, 'this is what i've learned, if you're smart you'll learn from my experience too.'

is this just him wanting to hang out the The Girl so he doesn't quite want to move away? maybe there are some educational/experiential middle grounds to explore, for instance if there's a way he can continue his education without going into debt, if he knows what he wants to do and can get some kind of practical training, an internship, etc...

@lisa - my heart is still with you. i'm sending love and light and healing to your father and your family.


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## purplegirl

I'm posting on the fly but, wanted to thank you all for the love, support and healing energy. He's vision has not returned







but his spirits are lifting. I took him out yesterday and we laughed like old times. He feels so helpless because this is a man who does not sit still. He runs a business, is an avid golfer and always on the road. All of that has ceased for now.

I'm maintaining hope that at times it escapes me. It's so scary, y/k?

You all are so giving with the support and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It warms me more than I can express.

Back later to catch up on other posts.


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## ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends!

I have so much to say, but not a lot of time to say it! So here it goes...
Lisa,
You, your Dad and your entire family are in my daily thoughts and prayers! I know how hard it can be to see your "rock" suffering and not being able to do anything to help. But I am sure that just your presence provides your Dad great solace. Keep the faith my sister and know that your cyber sisterfriends have your back!♥
Oyinmama,
Congratulations! I am so happy for you!!!
Rootzdawta,
Congratulations to you too! I hope to get on the weight loss band wagon in the next few weeks myself and your post is an inspiration to me!
Rynna,
Some of the most difficult decisions that I had to make as a parent revolved around schooling choices. Please feel free to PM me if you want/need to talk more specifically about your choices.
And Shay,
Speaking as another mom of adults(Welcome to the club, by the way!), I may have a different perspective about your son's decision to take a year off.
While it is true that it is hard to go back to school after taking off a large block of time, I think that he would gain so much by knowing early on that he is the one who is in charge of making those decisions for himself and that you would support him in whatever he decides to do.
Believe me when I say that it is so hard to watch your child make choices that you know will make it harder for them in the long run, but I firmly believe that it is so important that the choices that they make be their own and that they know that they can always come to you for advice and support should they need it.(This is especially true for the first born child!)
I also think that the lesson that he learned by watching you go back to school as a wife and mother years later is that it can be done and done well!
What you saw as pressure and struggle as an older student, he might have seen it as perseverance, accomplishment and the ability to go to college anytime. Some great lessons learned in my opinion.
So I hope that you take this opportunity to sit down and talk to your son about where he sees himself in the next couple of years and encourage him to explore as many options for his gap year as possible.
Well, that's all I have time for now. I hope that you all continue to keep this thread active and I hope to come back here and post again soon.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)


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## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
While it is true that it is hard to go back to school after taking off a large block of time, I think that he would gain so much by knowing early on that he is the one who is in charge of making those decisions for himself and that you would support him in whatever he decides to do.

Thanks Erika!

Shay, as the child of parents who tried to control every facet of my life down to what I believed, I think this advice is so solid. It builds such confidence to know that your parents trust you enough to make your own decisions and love you enough to help you make those decisions work out the best.


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## purplegirl

Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.


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## eilonwy

s I'm so sorry to hear that, Lisa.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.









Oh no.







I will continue to pray for him, my thoughts are with your family.


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## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.

















and more







. Your father is in my thoughts and prayers.


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## rootzdawta

So sorry to hear that! I'm thinking of you and your family . . .


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## bajamergrrl

to you purplegirl.


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## Brown Lioness

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Sadly, my dad's eye will not regain the vision. The specialist performed a second surgery during which he discovered the retina has been destroyed. It's been a hellish month and we continue to ride a roller coaster. At this point, it is a wait and see game as to whether or not the eye will have to be removed. My dad is trying to be strong and accept 'whatever will be', but he has his moments.

It's clear that this infection came from doctor error so my parents will be seeking some type of remedy.

Thanks for your thoughts, kind words and love. It's been extraordinarily comforting.


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## ErikaDP

Lisa,

Your family is in my daily thoughts and prayers!♥
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## virgo

I'm new to MDC and just thought I would say hi.


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## bajamergrrl

Welcome virgo! Congrats on your pregnancy.


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## ErikaDP

Virgo:







*!WELCOME TO THE TRIBE!*








I hope to see many more posts from you!









Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## virgo

Thank you bajamergrrl and ErikaDP!


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *virgo* 
I'm new to MDC and just thought I would say hi.









Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy!


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## jeca

Lisa, I'm sorry to hear the update about your Dad.


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## CTH3989

Hi ladies! May I join? I'm Chelci, I'm black, I am married and we have 2 kids.


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## bajamergrrl

Welcome Chelci!


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## CTH3989

Thank you!


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CTH3989* 
Thank you!

Welcome!!


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## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
My son graduates from high school in 2 mos and well we really don't know where he is going for college. He only applied to 4 schools and well the safety schools said no, and he was waitlisted at University of Vermont. I am scared because he is in love...first love. Guess what honey is taking a year off and I fear this is what made him only apply to 4 schools and not all of the schools we discussed. I have heard getting into schools this year is tough...funny thing is this kid is the frickin senior class president, president of the thespian society and captain of the debate team. He has a solid ACT score but his freshman year he goofed and it brought his gpa down and while taking honors classes was good, getting B's in them was not.

I don't know, he is 18 and a good kid he is here on spring break so we will be talking about his future. I have a few tricks up my sleeve as far as schools we can apply late to, but he needs to decide what he wants.

Right now I think he wants to take a year off...when the babies are young you plan their lives but they reach an age where you have to take the training wheels off and let them decide their course.

Hi Shay,
I wanted to check with you and see where you are with your son's decision?
And I also wanted to know how the healing process is going for you.
I hope that all is well, please come and post an update when you have the time.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Shay,
I wanted to check with you and see where you are with your son's decision?
And I also wanted to know how the healing process is going for you.
I hope that all is well, please come and post an update when you have the time.
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)









We are still in wait and see mode. He has been in touch with UVM several times letting them know he very much wants to attend, they are only just now starting to work on the waitlisted folks. May 1 was the deadline to see how many accepted applicants actually enroll, so he should know by June 1.

He has also applied to 2 other schools that have rolling admissions; he says he very much wants to start college in the fall. So we will see, I must admit I almost would prefer if he just took a gap year at this point. Since at this stage even if he is accepted into UVM the chances of getting any significant financial aid are severely diminished. I cannot afford full freight at 40G's with room and board and I have told him that. So we are facing a quandry since my ex husband is not in a position to make any significant contribution either, at best together we can pay half that bill and it would be a major stressor for me.

As for my health, its slow. It turned out I had not 1 but 2 hernias, one which was pretty large. While the surgeon was able to do the surgery lapriscopically due to the size any benefits as far as recovery time don't apply because of the severity of the hernias







.

I just saw him today and go back in 6 weeks and am not able to fully return to most activities due to pain. With a 4 yo around this is a hard process, we eventually asked our church for help and they have been great with meals and childcare but its already been 3 weeks and now its 6 more weeks of me being laid up to some degree. To say I am shocked is an understatment.

I am back at work since there is no way I can afford to take that type of time off but dealing with the kidlet and work wipes me out. As I joked, last night I was at the store and my cart was loaded with convenience foods, cooking home cooked meals from scratch is not happening and while the hubby had been amazing he has to work too.

So all in all I am hanging in there.

Shay


----------



## eilonwy

Aw, Shay.







I'm sorry your recovery is taking so long. That's really unfair.


----------



## purplegirl

Shay, I honestly don't know how folks afford to pay college tuition. Mike's oldest is graduating (well, supposed to be). I was secretly hoping he'd go into the military or do a community college for a few years. In reality, he is way too immature to handle college and what a waste of funds it would be to find out the hard way. Why can't college be universally free???









I am sorry to hear about your ongoing pain. Again, I think because you had a double whammy, you're healing is prolonged. Please take it easy in as much as you can.


----------



## ErikaDP

Shay,

I am so sorry to hear about your troubled recovery. I am send healing vibes and light your way! And please know that you are in my daily thoughts and prayers!
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## Jannah6

Shay







s and hoping that your pain decreases with each passing day. Are you still on pain meds?


----------



## jeca

Shay. I hope you feel better soon.
My sister did her first two years a community college before going to Grambling State. it does save quite a bit. She's already wracked up $17000 in student loans plus she has summer school and her senior year. To make any real money she will need to get her masters so you know the math. It's crazy how they want America to be an Educated country but can't take the time to make it affordable.


----------



## ErikaDP

*HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMAS!*


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 








*HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MAMAS!*











Yes! And the same to you, Erika!


----------



## ErikaDP

Thanks Lisa!♥


----------



## shayinme

My son just got accepted to St. Norbert's in WI, its a decent school that I think will meet his needs and they gave him a pretty good financial package. Main scholarship is 32K over 4 years along with a few smaller one's making my cost $6500 which is doable.

I wish he were coming closer to home and so does he but this is a good school and we can afford it. He is still waitlisted at UVM but unless he gets an offer there that includes an even better financial offer, its St. Norbert's for now.

Just wanted to share since you all knew how stressed I was about this situation. Its a huge load off my back














.

I am also finally starting to feel completely healed which at 5 weeks post surgery is a far longer recovery period than I had been expecting.

Hope everyone is well.

Shay


----------



## rootzdawta

Shay I'm so happy to hear all this good news!


----------



## purplegirl

That's fantastic news, Shay. What an exciting time in his life.


----------



## eilonwy

Glad to hear both, Shay!


----------



## bajamergrrl

Congrats all around, Shay!


----------



## ErikaDP

Great news Shay! Congratulations!♥

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## oyinmama

thanks for sharing your good news, shay!! how exciting for you and the big boy both! and super glad to hear you are feeling better.


----------



## purplegirl

My oral surgeon!!







So before he begins the procedure, he asks where I went to college. It turns out he went to the same school for medical and dental school and his son is a current student. I mentioned that my cousin went through the dental school as well, yada, yada. He injects me with the Novocaine and props my mouth open. While waiting for the numbness to kick in, he asked if I was from West Philly (where the said college is located). I shook my head but couldn't explain that I was born there but only lived a few years of my young life in the city. He got very quiet and antsy. The bastard goes on to say, "that's why you got into Penn; You're from West Philly and they feel obligated to admit a certain percentage of kids from the local community.







I reached for his hand to take it out of my mouth because I was unable to speak. My intent was to get the hell out of his office. He thought I was in pain and quickly yanked out my tooth. He scrambled for the door before his assistant took the mouth guard out. She saw that I was bothered and apologized for him. Needless to say, I won't be returning and have written him a pointed letter.

I was planning to have him put in my implant but I'll be darned if I'm giving that racist another dollar. I'm calling my dentist and letting her know what happened. Incidentally, my dentist warned me that he was 'arrogant' and a 'jerk' but, the best oral surgeon in Northern DE. I can deal with arrogance but racism, no way.
I am in still in shock that he was so blatant.


----------



## bajamergrrl

Purplegirl, I'm mostly speechless...just, wow.


----------



## eilonwy

Purplegirl, that is so upsetting.







Are you okay?


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 







Purplegirl, that is so upsetting.







Are you okay?

Ya know for a minute, it was sort of stinging. I found it incredulous that he was so blatant. However, I realize he's a man who must struggle with his sense of self. I mean he's an accomplished surgeon with tremendous credentials but, he obviously felt some type of way that we had gone to the same university. I felt somewhat powerful writing him a letter because I suspect he intimidates a lot of people. I can walk away maintaining my grace and self respect meanwhile, he has to know he's a jerk!!


----------



## eilonwy

Go you!


----------



## rootzdawta

Yeah, Purplegirl, I'm not used to it being so blatant. I'm more used to looks of surprise or shock if I mention I have a master's degree. I don't know how I would have been! I mean, really!

At least he recognizes he's a jerk. I'm amazed by people who will readily say, "I am a jerk."


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Ya know for a minute, it was sort of stinging. I found it incredulous that he was so blatant. However, I realize he's a man who must struggle with his sense of self. I mean he's an accomplished surgeon with tremendous credentials but, he obviously felt some type of way that we had gone to the same university. I felt somewhat powerful writing him a letter because I suspect he intimidates a lot of people. I can walk away maintaining my grace and self respect meanwhile, he has to know he's a jerk!!

I wish I could say I can't believe he said that but the older I get, I am not surprised. It seems in many ways when it comes to race relations this country is going backwards. We may have elected a Black president but at times it feels like we went 15 steps back. Good for you for not being intimidated, many would have just sat in the chair.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
Yeah, Purplegirl, I'm not used to it being so blatant. I'm more used to looks of surprise or shock if I mention I have a master's degree. I don't know how I would have been! I mean, really!

At least he recognizes he's a jerk. I'm amazed by people who will readily say, "I am a jerk."

Rootz, I hear ya. I get the looks too, yesterday we went to register dd for school and I have been on the fence about school. But the reality is homeschooling would not work for us, she is an extrovert she needs to be around people. Anyway at the school while she was being screened wemet with the guidance counselor and it was one of those situations as a mixed race couple it could have been interesting. I had dressed for the occasion despite the fact it was hot, I made a point early on of mentioning my job, also that I have an M.Ed, immediately I was asked where I went to school. As soon as I said where I went (well known private school in this region) attitudes changed, it was all good.

Funny thing had I come dressed like all the other parents (shorts/flip flops) I know it would have been a different vibe. Stuff like that annoys me greatly but at this age, its the price of being Black in this country.


----------



## jeca

Lisa, it amazes me when people are openly an ass and feel ii's all good.


----------



## rootzdawta

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 

Rootz, I hear ya. I get the looks too, yesterday we went to register dd for school and I have been on the fence about school. But the reality is homeschooling would not work for us, she is an extrovert she needs to be around people. (

Despite homeschoolers proclaiming that socialization is not an issue, I am still very worried about it. Like it or not, school can come with built in friends, parties, playdates, etc . . . I see it at my job all the time. And I am having a really difficult time finding groups of homeschoolers for my kids within a reasonable distance. I'm not so excited about having to drive 30+ minutes to hang out. Hopefully this gets better as time goes on but right now, still very worried. But hanging on to my conviction to homeschool.


----------



## eilonwy

We don't really socialize with the local homeschool groups because they are, by and large, very Christian (and not in a good way) and exclusive (by which I mean, if you don't sign a statement of faith you can't join). Bean in particular is extremely extroverted, he *needs* to be interacting with people as often as possible... and he makes that happen, despite the lack of formal opportunities.

I think that the reason parents worry about socialization has less to do with the "ease" of socialization in school than it does with feeling the need to constantly/consistently entertain our children. Yeah, school can come with a built-in group of friends, invitations to birthday parties, etc but it can also bring exclusion, bullying, and downright abusive situations which cannot be escaped for years and years.

Chibi is 13 now and is very popular at school, she's got tons of friends, but she would still drop out to homeschool in a New York Minute. Her personality is such that regardless of where she is, she's going to socialize and make friends with ease. My Bella is a different story-- she's quiet and can be quite bashful around people, especially in group situations. She opens up fairly quickly when she's dealing with one or two people, but the more people there are the more likely she is to shut down entirely. For her, school would be a social disaster-- she would FREAK if I left her in a classroom, and I probably wouldn't be able to make it out the door before the hideous shrieks coming from her throat drew me back in to rescue her.







She definitely socializes more as a homeschooler than she would if she was in a school setting just because she's far more comfortable with individuals.


----------



## rootzdawta

That's a good point Rynna. I guess I have to let my kids lead me when it comes to their socializing needs.

On another note . . .

I know that often issues of race and class become conflated. Here is an issue of class I am struggling with (well, I finally identified what the issue was after a lot of thinking).

I'm invited to a shower. I am not the closest of friends with the honoree but we hang out and she's cool. I like this sister--she has means but she's not showy about it. I know without ever having asked outrightly that we are of different classes. Even though she's down to earth and cool, the organizations she's involved in, town she lives in, lifestyle all indicate this. It has never been an issue for me until this shower.

I received the invitation yesterday and it came in a beautiful envelope. Lilac lining, parchment paper--the works. So I'm admiring the invite and starting to feel a little funny. I read it. It's a cutesy poem that essentially does four things:
1. asks for diapers and wipes
2. lets you know that there will be a wishing well (which means no gifts right? Just money/gift cards?)
3. guests should "wear white" (all white or something white?)
4. it will be at a gourmet restaurant (I have no idea if the guests are expected to pay for their meals, don't want to pay for expensive, nasty looking gourmet food, and don't really want to ask because it reflects on my _class_).

I won't know anyone beside the honoree btw and I am hell of nervous about who and who will be at this party. I am worried I'll feel uncomfortable like a fish out of water. I know I should hold my head high but I am almost certain I'll be surrounded by designer bags, fresh manicures and pedicures, and expensive white linen outfits. I'm not necessarily in the mood for all that.

You know, I grew up in the South Bronx. Never been to a baby shower that didn't involve a church basement and food in foil trays with burners underneath buffet style. Now I'm living in Westchester, hardly living like a Westchesterite but trying not to be bothered by it and making it work, trying not get hung up on race and money. It's such a minor thing too--a baby shower. Wow.


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
That's a good point Rynna. I guess I have to let my kids lead me when it comes to their socializing needs.

On another note . . .

I know that often issues of race and class become conflated. Here is an issue of class I am struggling with (well, I finally identified what the issue was after a lot of thinking).

I'm invited to a shower. I am not the closest of friends with the honoree but we hang out and she's cool. I like this sister--she has means but she's not showy about it. I know without ever having asked outrightly that we are of different classes. Even though she's down to earth and cool, the organizations she's involved in, town she lives in, lifestyle all indicate this. It has never been an issue for me until this shower.

I received the invitation yesterday and it came in a beautiful envelope. Lilac lining, parchment paper--the works. So I'm admiring the invite and starting to feel a little funny. I read it. It's a cutesy poem that essentially does four things:
1. asks for diapers and wipes
2. lets you know that there will be a wishing well (which means no gifts right? Just money/gift cards?)
3. guests should "wear white" (all white or something white?)
4. it will be at a gourmet restaurant (I have no idea if the guests are expected to pay for their meals, don't want to pay for expensive, nasty looking gourmet food, and don't really want to ask because it reflects on my _class_).

I won't know anyone beside the honoree btw and I am hell of nervous about who and who will be at this party. I am worried I'll feel uncomfortable like a fish out of water. I know I should hold my head high but I am almost certain I'll be surrounded by designer bags, fresh manicures and pedicures, and expensive white linen outfits. I'm not necessarily in the mood for all that.

You know, I grew up in the South Bronx. Never been to a baby shower that didn't involve a church basement and food in foil trays with burners underneath buffet style. Now I'm living in Westchester, hardly living like a Westchesterite but trying not to be bothered by it and making it work, trying not get hung up on race and money. It's such a minor thing too--a baby shower. Wow.

I was raised working class thanks to my Pops but my Mom was solidly middle class to upper middle class (she had one of those coming out things back in the 60's) so I know a little about social graces.

Um, this woman may be nice and all but honestly they sound like new money. A wishing well shower seems tacky to me, especially if these are folks with means. A couple of young kids having a baby, I can understand maybe but grown folks, nah... A wishing well does indeed mean money, generally cash in envelopes.

I guess I say all that to say if you want to go, just be you. A crisp white blouse (love em) and a cute skirt is sufficient and most likely something you already own.

I would err on the side of caution and expect to pay for the meal though it seems like it should be provided but considering its wishing well, that makes me think you might be expected to pay.


----------



## AndrewsMother

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 

2. lets you know that there will be a wishing well (which means no gifts right? Just money/gift cards?)


Don't feel intimidated. Asking for money is the antithesis of class. It is tacky and the hallmark of new money. Someone who is not familiar with proper etiquette.


----------



## eilonwy

I've been to a few parties like that, and I wouldn't worry about it too much. You can call and confirm-- it doesn't reflect on your class as much as it reflects on the common sense of the sender (who should know that it's polite to warn people if you expect them to pay for an expensive dinner at their party). I've never been to one where I was expected to pay for dinner, though. Even if others were expected to contribute, I wasn't because it was fairly well known that I *couldn't*.

I've seen the wishing well done a handful of times; Once was for a young couple just getting started, very working-class. Another was for either a bar/bat mitzvah (can't remember which) and again, very working class. The only time I've seen anyone wealthier do it, they were collecting money for charity.







It was a "We'll feed you and hang out together and instead of bringing a boatload of gifts we'll never use, why don't you donate to our favorite cause in a fun way that involves tossing things?"









(For the record, I was raised upper/upper-middle class with no money. I've actually met a few others who feell similarly, but it was a real struggle trying to explain things to Mike sometimes. He was raised solidly working-class and his values & outlook reflect that. He found my priorities impossible to grok in the early days, but now he knows better.







)


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Don't feel intimidated. Asking for money is the antithesis of class. It is tacky and the hallmark of new money. Someone who is not familiar with proper etiquette.

LOL. You said what I was thinking


----------



## purplegirl

I agree with Shay on the 'new money' issue and the unintended tackiness that sometimes accompanies said folks! I grew up in a comfortable background but frankly, I eschew much of the pretentiousness of folks around me. I've gotten quite comfortable with a circle of folks who are down to earth and come -as you- kind -of -people. There are times when I can't avoid situations like the one you described, Rootz. However, I do my best to avoid them when I can. Michael's family and friends are very much into placing high value on social and economic status. I cringe at the thought of HAVING to attend a social function with them next weekend; I just can't be phony!

That said, I'd probably go, count on not staying long or perhaps connecting with someone else in attendance who seems down to earth but very importantly, be yourself!


----------



## rootzdawta

Thanks you guys. I feel so much better about everything now--your replies, thinking about it has given me some clarity. I posted in TAO and got some interesting replies too. But I'm going to relax and go. Show my support. Be myself. And keep it moving right along.


----------



## AndrewsMother

RD, yesterday I remembered that I was livid when I saw my shower invites. Someone listed the stores where I registered







The invitations were already mailed, so all that I could so was suffer in silence. Perhaps your friend was in a similar situation.

As for issues of class, the denotative meaning has become convoluted by popular culture and the media. I listen to the women at my job, and realize that their meaning of class and my meaning of class are separated by different worlds. Popular entertainers are considered the echelon of society, where as I feel differently; not everything that glitters is gold.


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
RD, yesterday I remembered that I was livid when I saw my shower invites. Someone listed the stores where I registered







The invitations were already mailed, so all that I could so was suffer in silence. Perhaps your friend was in a similar situation.

*As for issues of class, the denotative meaning has become convoluted by popular culture and the media. I listen to the women at my job, and realize that their meaning of class and my meaning of class are separated by different worlds. Popular entertainers are considered the echelon of society, where as I feel differently; not everything that glitters is gold*.


----------



## purplegirl

Hey! How is everyone? Any babies born yet?








I am doing alright. M. and I are leaving Monday for a week in Seattle. I am sort of excited but, I hear the weather has been less than agreeable. I'm hoping to meet one of our MOC who currently lives in Seattle








We want to drive up to Vancouver if time permits. Really, it will be fun just getting away for a minute. Later in July, we're going to the Vineyard. As most of you know, that's my paradise








I've been struggling with a bit of depression, so any distraction from real life is welcomed.
I'd love to hear how you all are doing and what your summer plans are.


----------



## ErikaDP

Hello Sisterfriends!

Just popping in to get this tribe going again! It's been almost a month since the last post here!
I hope that all is well with everyone. My family is doing well, traveling a lot and finally enjoying some summer weather here in the NE.
I am really looking forward to a couple of camping trips that we have planned and I also hope to get in a couple of cool day trips here and there in the coming months.
How about the rest of you? What are some of your summer plans? Please share them here!
And if you plans bring you to New England, please let me know! I would love to meet you in person!♥

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## ErikaDP

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey! How is everyone? Any babies born yet?








I am doing alright. M. and I are leaving Monday for a week in Seattle. I am sort of excited but, I hear the weather has been less than agreeable. I'm hoping to meet one of our MOC who currently lives in Seattle








We want to drive up to Vancouver if time permits. Really, it will be fun just getting away for a minute. Later in July, we're going to the Vineyard. As most of you know, that's my paradise








I've been struggling with a bit of depression, so any distraction from real life is welcomed.
I'd love to hear how you all are doing and what your summer plans are.

Hi Lisa,

Don't worry about the weather in Seattle! It changes quickly and there are so many great indoor activities to enjoy while you are there!
And I would highly recommend going to Vancouver if you have the time. It is one of my favorite cities in the world!
Have a great time!♥

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaDP* 
Hi Lisa,

Don't worry about the weather in Seattle! It changes quickly and there are so many great indoor activities to enjoy while you are there!
And I would highly recommend going to Vancouver if you have the time. It is one of my favorite cities in the world!
Have a great time!♥

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:

Awesome







. I can't wait and I will be sure to let you know about my experiences in your home city!


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
Hey! How is everyone? Any babies born yet?








I am doing alright. M. and I are leaving Monday for a week in Seattle. I am sort of excited but, I hear the weather has been less than agreeable. I'm hoping to meet one of our MOC who currently lives in Seattle








We want to drive up to Vancouver if time permits. Really, it will be fun just getting away for a minute. Later in July, we're going to the Vineyard. As most of you know, that's my paradise








I've been struggling with a bit of depression, so any distraction from real life is welcomed.
I'd love to hear how you all are doing and what your summer plans are.


Off to a meeting in a few so just a drive by, but let me know when you are at the Vineyard, if there is anyway to connect with you I'd love to do so.









So sorry to hear you are struggling with depression, its never a good feeling.

Shay


----------



## ErikaDP

Lisa and Shay,

I am up for a meet-up on the vineyard too! Please let me know if/when you plan to get together!♥

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## purplegirl

It's completely feasible that we could meet up. On our way back, we have to take my stepson to LaGuardia Airport. We will need to kill time since his flight doesn't leave until late Sunday afternoon. Soooooo, stopping to meet you all somewhere in New England might be possible. I'll know more as we get closer to the date (July 25th is when we head that way)


----------



## oyinmama

ooh vineyard, fun! are you driving up, or flying? i must admit i am a little daunted by the idea of taking such a long drive with a toddler ... right now we are planning to take a few days in cape may NJ - akwaaba has a great B&B there where we spent a couple days there last year - the baby was RIGHT at home in the ocean and i can't wait to bring him back!

in baby news, i just made my ultrasound appt yesterday -- a week and a half until we find out if we're on team boy or team girl!









there are also two weddings in DH's family this summer in NY so we'll be heading up there in late july and sometime in august. i am anxious about dressing up the bump. ack!


----------



## ErikaDP

Oyinmama,

I don't know how I missed your big news! Congratulations!
I hope that your pregnancy is peace-filled and joyful! And I also hope that your new little one brings to your family bright blessings and great joy!♥

**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
ooh vineyard, fun! are you driving up, or flying? i must admit i am a little daunted by the idea of taking such a long drive with a toddler ... right now we are planning to take a few days in cape may NJ - akwaaba has a great B&B there where we spent a couple days there last year - the baby was RIGHT at home in the ocean and i can't wait to bring him back!

in baby news, i just made my ultrasound appt yesterday -- a week and a half until we find out if we're on team boy or team girl!









there are also two weddings in DH's family this summer in NY so we'll be heading up there in late july and sometime in august. i am anxious about dressing up the bump. ack!


Congrats! Have you announced it to the sistern of Napdrum? I thought I had read here on MDC you were expecting but hadn't seen metion of it anyplace else.


----------



## oyinmama

Thanks so much for your beautiful blessing EricaDP!!







we're super excited!!

@Shay not yet - and im still in the closet on FB too.







I wanted to wait until 2nd tri of course; and then iwas gonna dress up the bump and take a pic or something goofy like that. Then I looked up and was 16 weeks, & i figured I might as well wait until after the ultrasound and know boy/girl, and then etc etc etc.

I dunno. I feel much more exposed online with this pregnancy than with the last... Btw FB and the public oyin twitter acct and our podcast is now video instead of audio, etc. It's like I want to keep it close until I'm really ready to go public with a capital P, lol. If napdrum was still active i'd have announced there weeks ago but we're all on fb now and theres no quick private way to get a msg out to all ofus. Hmm. Maybe we shd start an FB group!!


----------



## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
Thanks so much for your beautiful blessing EricaDP!!







we're super excited!!

@Shay not yet - and im still in the closet on FB too.







I wanted to wait until 2nd tri of course; and then iwas gonna dress up the bump and take a pic or something goofy like that. Then I looked up and was 16 weeks, & i figured I might as well wait until after the ultrasound and know boy/girl, and then etc etc etc.

I dunno. I feel much more exposed online with this pregnancy than with the last... Btw FB and the public oyin twitter acct and our podcast is now video instead of audio, etc. It's like I want to keep it close until I'm really ready to go public with a capital P, lol. If napdrum was still active i'd have announced there weeks ago but we're all on fb now and theres no quick private way to get a msg out to all ofus. Hmm. Maybe we shd start an FB group!!


Cool







. I just thought I was losing my mind because I was like I could have swore she had mentioned at MDC but then when I didn't see anything anywhere else I was like...

I can understand wanting to keep it private, technology is a great thing but it can also make us share when we are not in the mood. How old is the honey baby now?


----------



## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
ooh vineyard, fun! are you driving up, or flying? i must admit i am a little daunted by the idea of taking such a long drive with a toddler ... right now we are planning to take a few days in cape may NJ - akwaaba has a great B&B there where we spent a couple days there last year - the baby was RIGHT at home in the ocean and i can't wait to bring him back!

in baby news, i just made my ultrasound appt yesterday -- a week and a half until we find out if we're on team boy or team girl!









there are also two weddings in DH's family this summer in NY so we'll be heading up there in late july and sometime in august. i am anxious about dressing up the bump. ack!

We are driving up. It is a long ride; heck, I'm concerned about how my 14 year old stepson will endure!!







I've heard a lot of wonderful things about Akwaaba by the sea. Actually, I hoping to book a room at the Brooklyn location sometime in the fall.
On to more important news-----CONGRATULATIONS!!







That's the sweetest news I've heard all week.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
Thanks so much for your beautiful blessing EricaDP!!







we're super excited!!

@Shay not yet - and im still in the closet on FB too.







I wanted to wait until 2nd tri of course; and then iwas gonna dress up the bump and take a pic or something goofy like that. Then I looked up and was 16 weeks, & i figured I might as well wait until after the ultrasound and know boy/girl, and then etc etc etc.

I dunno. I feel much more exposed online with this pregnancy than with the last... Btw FB and the public oyin twitter acct and our podcast is now video instead of audio, etc. It's like I want to keep it close until I'm really ready to go public with a capital P, lol. If napdrum was still active i'd have announced there weeks ago but we're all on fb now and theres no quick private way to get a msg out to all ofus. Hmm. Maybe we shd start an FB group!!

Um...I just saw that clip so is it team blue?


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## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplegirl* 
We are driving up. It is a long ride; heck, I'm concerned about how my 14 year old stepson will endure!!







I've heard a lot of wonderful things about Akwaaba by the sea. Actually, I hoping to book a room at the Brooklyn location sometime in the fall.
On to more important news-----CONGRATULATIONS!!







That's the sweetest news I've heard all week.

aw thanks sis!









re: the drive, lol i know that's right! yknow, after i wrote abt the NY weddings i was like, 'hmm, the vineyard is only abt half as long a drive from NY... maybe we can make it happen if we do the weddings and then head on up from there...' spent a frantic hour googling. (did you know there's actually an amtrak that goes overnight from the dc/va/md area and connects in the morning with a vineyard ferry that leaves from rhode island instead of woods hole? innnnteresting!) ... long story short i cobbled together a master plan and went to pitch it to the hubster. by the time i got through explaining it i was exhausted. LOL!

maybe when our biz situation is such that we would be able to take off for longer stretches at a time, it would make more sense. as it is i still have to make an appearance at least once or twice a week so it doesn't make sense to go anywhere that's that involved to get to, just to spend a few days. but i have my eyes on the prize! ocean is ocean, and cape may is nice if a little bit boring. it'll do for now, and we can be there in 3 hrs. but nothing beats oak bluffs imho. i'm probably looking thru a nostalgic, memories-of-childhood lens but cmon. flying horses? mad martha's? streets and beaches full of POC? by the time the kid(s) (heehee) are old enough to notice, that's definitely the kind of experience i'd prefer they have. in the meantime i'll enjoy it through my cousins' FB photos


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## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Um...I just saw that clip so is it team blue?

we don't know yet!! hee hee. what clip? P's dancing robots? lol. that's just P being P.

HoneyBaby turned 2 in april. when this new baby comes he'll be just over 2.5. hopefully he'll be heading out of diapers by then but he's showing ZERO signs of readiness or interest in that direction at the moment, grumble.


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
we don't know yet!! hee hee. what clip? P's dancing robots? lol. that's just P being P.

HoneyBaby turned 2 in april. when this new baby comes he'll be just over 2.5. hopefully he'll be heading out of diapers by then but he's showing ZERO signs of readiness or interest in that direction at the moment, grumble.

Yeah it was the dancing robots. LOL Um....2.5 out of diapers might be wishful thinking though I had my son potty trained at that age, so you might luck out of. Otherwise you will be over your head in diapers.


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oyinmama* 
aw thanks sis!









re: the drive, lol i know that's right! yknow, after i wrote abt the NY weddings i was like, 'hmm, the vineyard is only abt half as long a drive from NY... maybe we can make it happen if we do the weddings and then head on up from there...' spent a frantic hour googling. i cobbled together a master plan and went to pitch it to the hubster. *b(did you know there's actually an amtrak that goes overnight from the dc/va/md area and connects in the morning with a vineyard ferry that leaves from rhode island instead of woods hole? innnnteresting!)* ... long story short y the time i got through explaining it i was exhausted. LOL!

maybe when our biz situation is such that we would be able to take off for longer stretches at a time, it would make more sense. as it is i still have to make an appearance at least once or twice a week so it doesn't make sense to go anywhere that's that involved to get to, just to spend a few days. but i have my eyes on the prize! ocean is ocean, and cape may is nice if a little bit boring. it'll do for now, and we can be there in 3 hrs. but nothing beats oak bluffs imho. i'm probably looking thru a nostalgic, memories-of-childhood lens but cmon. flying horses? mad martha's? streets and beaches full of POC? by the time the kid(s) (heehee) are old enough to notice, that's definitely the kind of experience i'd prefer they have. in the meantime i'll enjoy it through my cousins' FB photos










No way! I didn't know that.You were on a mission to make it happen but I completely understand about the business thing. M and I are both self employed so, I totally related.
You're right --Oak Bluffs is so happening in a laid back kinda way. I was day dreaming about it and fondly remembering there are quite a few crunchy black folk who vacation there. Natural sistas, mamas with slings are not uncommon sights. Did you know that there is an ever expanding group of folk who gather in the Ink Well at sunrise, to do yoga?? It is the coolest thing!!
There's also an art gallery that offers classes, has a labyrinth and a very beautiful pasture. The executive director is a black woman.
I'm sure in time, you'll work it out so your family can create more of the memories you have from your time there


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## Marisgirl

Just peeping my head in. Has there been another thread started, or has everyone kind of gone on summer vacation?


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## eilonwy

I'm just trying to reduce my internet time. As I'm sadly addicted to Facebook, that takes the majority of it.


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## ErikaDP

I'm here! And yeah Rynna is right, FB is a major internet time suck for me too!♥
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## purplegirl

I'm here.







Glad to see the bump of our thread. Hope you're all well


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## AndrewsMother

Hi there Marisgirl!!!!!









I am busy with work and a 4 year old who is out of school until August.

DS has a 4th interview with the same company in the morning. Please say a small prayer for us or keep him in your thoughts.


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## ms.nedhari

Peace,

I am new to the forum. Are there any sisters in DC Metro Area on here?

Aza


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ms.nedhari* 
Peace,

I am new to the forum. Are there any sisters in DC Metro Area on here?

Aza

Good morning and welcome







I am in the DC Metro area every other weekend and more often in the summer!


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## ErikaDP

Hi Aza,

I am not in the DC metro area but I wanted to say:








*!WELCOME TO THE TRIBE!*








I hope to see many more posts from you!









Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ms.nedhari* 
Peace,

I am new to the forum. Are there any sisters in DC Metro Area on here?

Aza

hi aza! i'm in baltimore. (so... no. LOL!) but wanted to say hi and welcome!









@andrewsmother - hoping your hubby's interview goes swimmingly!

the thread had indeed become very quiet, hope all is well with everybody!

we had a great time on our little beach excursion, the baby (just over 2 now, should probably stop callin him that) loved the ocean. i mean, loved, loved, LOVED the ocean. ran straight for it like he had a pressing appointment therein. after a while i got him trained to hang out in the wavebreak and didn't have to constantly hold his arm -- he would run up to the edge of the water, eagerly anticipate each wave with the hugest smile on his face, and then jump up and down in thrilled glee each time one broke over his knees. if one knocked him over he just rolled with it, got up, jumped up and down, laughed. sometimes he'd sit down on the sand and shriek with joy as the waves broke over his feet. each time we left the beach it was like the 'mah-kee-dah-dah' moment from the color purple, like we were tearing him from his dearest friend. we've got to make this a much more regular occurence in his little life -- if only b/c it's so amusing to me! i laughed for hours!!









we also found out that this little kicker i'm carryin is going to be boy #2! w.o.w./LOL/hooray, ease of handmedowns/THREEBOYSINTHEHOUSE???ACK!/wow, the capoiera in the livin room situation is likely to be wild. etc.

i'm not huge on assigning too much gender expectation to an infant or assuming the kind of child he'll be beforehand, but having this one has taught me a couple of surprising things about that whole nature/nurture question. i also am one of 4 (3 girls & a boy, born in sets of two) and grew up really close to the sister who was closest to me in age. i think there's something potentially very special about having a sibling of the same gender, an opportunity for a closeness and shared experience that can be nice. maybe i'm just having that 2nd trimester hopeful optimistic glow, hoping my boys can have something beautiful. i also know its possible for older brothers to be cruel or torturous, particularly if there's a large gap between; hopefully we've dodged that tendancy with our 2.5 yr spread and careful astrological planning (LOL!!); we will have to be super vigilant though. DH is a younger brother with a difficult relationship to his older brother that maintains today.


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## Marisgirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AndrewsMother* 
Hi there Marisgirl!!!!!









I am busy with work and a 4 year old who is out of school until August.

DS has a 4th interview with the same company in the morning. Please say a small prayer for us or keep him in your thoughts.

Hey friend!

The age of four is such an interesting age. Our son starts school on August 9 (so two weeks to go!) and our daughter is entering the stage of to in less than two months. And with the soon to be arrival of the twins she is making sure that mom doesn't forget her.

I will make sure to keep your husband in our family prayers. See ya around!


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## eilonwy

Oyin, I frequently think about gender, expectations, and nature vs. nurture. I firmly believe that children are born with their brains wired in particular ways, and that boys and girls are different from day one-- and not because of what's in their diapers. That said, you never know how any particular child is going to turn out. My youngest is a boy but he's not terribly "masculine" or "feminine" at this age (Bean was decidedly masculine at two; Bella decidedly feminine). And of course, left to their own devices they'll explore all kinds of things. Bella seems to have panic attacks when she doesn't have a clean dress or skirt to wear, but thinks of rolling around in mud as the most entertaining way to spend many afternoons. She also loves worms and bugs of all kinds, and frequently digs them up to play with them or to "take care" of them.







Bear cries when he gets dirty, and washes his hands two or three times during his favorite meals because they get sticky. He wiped imaginary dirt from his clothing when Bella (already filthy, as usual







) picked up a couple of worms for closer inspection.









So yeah. You never really know.


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## Marisgirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Oyin, I frequently think about gender, expectations, and nature vs. nurture. I firmly believe that children are born with their brains wired in particular ways, and that boys and girls are different from day one-- and not because of what's in their diapers. That said, you never know how any particular child is going to turn out. My youngest is a boy but he's not terribly "masculine" or "feminine" at this age (Bean was decidedly masculine at two; Bella decidedly feminine). And of course, left to their own devices they'll explore all kinds of things. Bella seems to have panic attacks when she doesn't have a clean dress or skirt to wear, but thinks of rolling around in mud as the most entertaining way to spend many afternoons. She also loves worms and bugs of all kinds, and frequently digs them up to play with them or to "take care" of them.







Bear cries when he gets dirty, and washes his hands two or three times during his favorite meals because they get sticky. He wiped imaginary dirt from his clothing when Bella (already filthy, as usual







) picked up a couple of worms for closer inspection.









So yeah. You never really know.









Your Bear sounds SO MUCH like my son did when he was a toddler. I really did get sick of people making a big issue out of it. My 21 month old daughter loves playing with cars and tussling with her 10 year old brother. She's really spunky - but also loves getting her hair combed and wearing what she calls "pretty" things.

I don't know how I got to be so relaxed about gender roles, but I think that it mostly came from having my own child and getting frustrated when people saw him jumping rope and immediately got their panties in a bunch. I mean, what do you do when all of your cousins are girls and jumprope seems to be what they all like to do?


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## shayinme

Just popping in to say hello! I have been easing up on my internet usage and discussion boards have been one of the first to go, though as a mod here I do pop in from time to time.

Welcome to new members of the tribe







. I am just trying to savor every minute with my son who starts college next month!!! I am proud of him, happy we reached this stage but its also really sad for especially becaause since he was 6 he has lived between his father and I thanks to the joys of joint custody. So I am facing the fact that part of me feels cheated of time with him, I am also grappling with the fact that since he is not going to school out here that realistically not sure how often I will see him after this summer.









He has his first major girlfriend and well he is a young adult. I wish more parenting forums talked about this stage of parenting. Its clear I am still needed but its a different level.

The girl child turns 5 next week and starts school in Sept, so we are pretty excited. Other than that I am still running the community center, our summer program is going on and life is crazy at work.

I am finally about 95% healed from my surgery, so I have been getting active since weeks of no movement while recovering turned into a 10lb weight gain. I know that may not sound like a lot but as a lifetime member of Weight Watcher it suxs and its just enough weight that my clothes are in that strange not quite fitting stage.

Hope ya'll are doing well.

Shay


----------



## eilonwy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marisgirl* 
I don't know how I got to be so relaxed about gender roles, but I think that it mostly came from having my own child and getting frustrated when people saw him jumping rope and immediately got their panties in a bunch. I mean, what do you do when all of your cousins are girls and jumprope seems to be what they all like to do?

Bean liked to wear pink when he was little. I don't just mean a pink shirt every now and then, either. For his fourth birthday he got to choose a new outfit; He chose pink corduroy slacks with pink sequined and embroidered butterflies and glitter and a glittery pink fleece pullover with a pink magic wand on it. He frequently chose pink sneakers, jackets, shorts... everything except underpants (he called it "non-stop pink"). He was Princess Fiona for Halloween the year he turned three and Dora the year he turned four. Despite the pink and sequins, he was ridiculously masculine; I used to describe him as "the most masculine child on the playground dressed all in pink". For me it was a matter of respecting my child's choices; I never felt the need to impose such silly and inconsequential rules on him. It was far more important to me that he learn not to run up and touch Mike's car while he was parking, and to clean up when his aim was off in the bathroom.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Welcome to new members of the tribe







. I am just trying to savor every minute with my son who starts college next month!!! I am proud of him, happy we reached this stage but its also really sad for especially becaause since he was 6 he has lived between his father and I thanks to the joys of joint custody. So I am facing the fact that part of me feels cheated of time with him, I am also grappling with the fact that since he is not going to school out here that realistically not sure how often I will see him after this summer.









He has his first major girlfriend and well he is a young adult. I wish more parenting forums talked about this stage of parenting. Its clear I am still needed but its a different level.









s Congrats to your son, and to you.







You must be feeling all sorts of things that are beyond my comprehension. All of my kids are still prone to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night for a snuggle (except the baby; He starts out there







). I wonder if there's a "Parenting Young Adults" forum here? I've never even looked, as the oldest child I routinely play grownup for is 13.

Quote:

I am finally about 95% healed from my surgery, so I have been getting active since weeks of no movement while recovering turned into a 10lb weight gain. I know that may not sound like a lot but as a lifetime member of Weight Watcher it suxs and its just enough weight that my clothes are in that strange not quite fitting stage.








It always feels so great to get moving again after a period of convalescence.







I'm glad you're feeling better.


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## ErikaDP

Shay,

I am on my way out the door but I will come back later to speak to your post.♥

Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## shayinme

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eilonwy* 
Bean liked to wear pink when he was little. I don't just mean a pink shirt every now and then, either. For his fourth birthday he got to choose a new outfit; He chose pink corduroy slacks with pink sequined and embroidered butterflies and glitter and a glittery pink fleece pullover with a pink magic wand on it. He frequently chose pink sneakers, jackets, shorts... everything except underpants (he called it "non-stop pink"). He was Princess Fiona for Halloween the year he turned three and Dora the year he turned four. Despite the pink and sequins, he was ridiculously masculine; I used to describe him as "the most masculine child on the playground dressed all in pink". For me it was a matter of respecting my child's choices; I never felt the need to impose such silly and inconsequential rules on him. It was far more important to me that he learn not to run up and touch Mike's car while he was parking, and to clean up when his aim was off in the bathroom.
















s Congrats to your son, and to you.







You must be feeling all sorts of things that are beyond my comprehension. All of my kids are still prone to crawl into my bed in the middle of the night for a snuggle (except the baby; He starts out there







). I wonder if there's a "Parenting Young Adults" forum here? I've never even looked, as the oldest child I routinely play grownup for is 13.








It always feels so great to get moving again after a period of convalescence.







I'm glad you're feeling better.









Sadly there is no parenting young adults forum, its funny because I am literally at opposite ends of the parenting spectrum with almost 5 and 18. Yeah, my son is definitely not much into snuggles though he still hugs me and talks so I take that as a good sign.

Erica, since you have grown kids I look forward to hearing from you.

Shay


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## ErikaDP

Hi Shay,

First things first, I am so happy to hear that you are almost healed from your surgery! And I am sure that those 10 lbs will be a thing of the past very soon!
Now, about your man-child, I was in almost the exact same situation that you are in with your kids 12 years ago(my oldest graduated from high school the spring before my youngest started kindergarten)except my oldest is a girl and the youngest is a boy.
And I know what you mean about being torn. I felt that I wasn't able to do either child justice because their needs were so extremely different and I was trying to be present for both in a way that proved impossible for this one Mama to handle!
So I called on a couple of my good Sisterfriends and asked them to help me navigate this new and exciting part of my mothering journey. I made sure that someone special to my child attended every event that they participated in and I always made sure that they had a special note or card from me if I wasn't able to make it there myself.
I also relied very heavily on my husband, making sure that I wasn't standing in the way of them having a relationship with him that was totally different than the one that they have with me(he often handled things very differently than I would have).
For example, one of my daughter's most favorite memories is going with her Dad to pick out the fabric for her prom dress and when they didn't find it locally, he drove her several hours away from home to find just the fabric that she was looking for(I, being practical and time-strapped at the time, would have probably asked her to pick out something from the choices that were available to her locally). And when I saw the final result, I was so pleased that my husband did drive out of his way for her!
I also was reminded by a good friend of mine who is the mother of 9 that our children only know us as their mother, not some idealized fantasy mom and that if you do most things from a place of love and joy, that's what they remember most. And she was/is so right!
Finally, speaking as the mother of soon to be 4 adults(my youngest turns 18 in September), I want to tell you that it gets easier as they age.
The first few years of adulthood reminded me a lot of when they were toddlers, they had a lot of new skills and opportunities but they still needed my guidance and help to navigate some of their new-found freedoms.
So try to keep the lines of communication open and make sure that you share with your son how proud you are of him and how he should know that he can come to you with any joy and/or problem that he has and that you will be there for him through both.
And try not to worry too much about the distances between you and your son. Even if he was living near by, you probably still wouldn't see much of him!
I will have to talk to you about girlfriends/boyfriends in the next post!♥
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## shayinme

Thank you so much. You captured exactly how I feel and what I am dealing with. Having kids so far apart in age its hard to be present for them at the same time. Especially when my son wants to open up (you know how older ones are it has to be on their time) and then the kidlet will need me and I am putting him on hold. I try to make time for him and I to hang out alone but this summer is crazy. Also he is heading back to his Dad's earlier than I had thought since he needs to pack all his stuff to take to school.

Sadly most of my Mama friends have small kids like my daughter or the ones with older kids have kids in their 20's already but none have my situation with a little one and a big one. Like all my Mama friends with littles one don't get how in some ways I am excited my dd is starting school but part of me is like I know this phase, whereas with my son this is now officially new terrain.

Yes, please post about girlfriends/boyfriends because while the boy has dated before this is cearly the first serious girl. I realized it was serious the other day when he spent almost his whole check to buy her a gift since he wasn't there with her to celebrate. My son is el cheapo and him spending money on a non family member spoke volumes.


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## pivy2

Any MN mama's here in the Twin Cities?


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## ms.nedhari

Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pivy2* 
Any MN mama's here in the Twin Cities?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *ms.nedhari* 
Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m


Welcome mamas!
I hope everyone is doing fantastic.


----------



## oyinmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ms.nedhari* 
Peace,

I live about 30m from Bmore in Takoma park. I'm in Bmore or around that area a lot. I take the children on field-trips almost daily.

Maybe we can meet up...how old are your little ones? My boys are 4 and 18m

oh awesome!! i have 1.5 boys myself one who's 2.5 and another due in december.







we're in north bmore and work/have a saturday boutique nr penn station let's hook up sometime!







) have you taken your boys to BCPL's storyville yet ?


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## shayinme

Hello all! Its been a crazy month, my baby boy just left for school 2 days ago...I am emotional, cannot believe he is in college. People often think that because he has lived with his Dad that his going away to college won't impact me but it does. He has always been with either me or his Dad, now he is on own.

The girl child starts kindergarten in 3 weeks, so another milestone...lots of heavy Mama emotions.

This summer has flown by, in some ways due to the extreme heat it has not been the most enjoyable summer, temps are finally enjoyable.

Completely healed from surgery but now gotta lose 10lbs







, it was easier putting it on then taking it off. But that's life.

Anyway hello everyone, I had not popped in lately and just wanted to say hello.


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## EastBayMTB

Greetings-
I'm new to the Mothering forums and also to this group. I'm a 38-year-old Filipina-American woman born and raised in the Bay Area, Calif. Looking for other WOC to connect with re: pregnancy, parenthood, etc. Am pregnant with my first child (hopefully, if all goes well!), about 10 weeks along now.

Looking forward to connecting.Wishing you all happiness and health!


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## shayinme

Goodness it's been quieter than normal here. Well my son is officially a college student, so far he is in hog heaven. He called me today to say he loves college! Unlike high school where he felt he was not free to have an opinion and express it, his professors encourage diversity in views. As a kid who wants to go into either constitutional or public service law he is in his element.









My kidlet starts kindergarten next week and ladies I am having a dilemma. By and large while I have always liked the idea of homeschooling as someone who works outside the home in a crazy job, homeschooling always seemed like a fantasy and not a reality.

Our town has excellent schools, everyone raves about them, small class size, great teachers...all that good stuff you think of when you are sending your kid to school. So what's the problem? Well we are in a town of 16,000 that is not terribly diverse, more diversity than when we first moved here but not a great deal.

Kidlet got the teacher everyone raves about and she is clueless on matters of race. I know because at the 2nd screening/orientation I talked to her about how she handles diversity in the class knowing that my girl is only 1 of 2 kids of color in the class and she told me "Oh kids don't see race". I was stunned.

I was raised in Chicago but went to magnet schools where for the early years I was the only kid of color in my classes and honestly it took years to deal with the fallout from it. Yeah, I got good grades and was getting a great education but socially I was a mess. I fear this happening to my girl. Moving is not an option for several year but after this past year in preschool when she went from a program with other kids of color to being the only kid of color, I saw subtle changes. Emphasis on why is my hair not straight, etc.

So I am seriously thinking of homeschooling but feeling clueless about the process. Irony is that I have taught kids and adults in a past career but teaching my own kid is a different beast. My hubby asked that we start her in school and monitor the situation and we have agreed that if after the first quarter it feels like its harming her we will pull her out.

I am scared, I guess it also doesn't help that while I know some homeschoolers they are not friends just acquaintances. None of my friends are supportive but I know my kid and I know what its like to be the only Black/non white kid in the class.

My son who went to school out here actually thinks she should go to school, he admits it was hard but that its character building. Yet I think that girls already have to deal with so much compared to boys and add race and its overload.

I need to hear from some sisters who have or are homeschooling. One thing that bothers me is much if what I am finding about homeschooling seems geared to white families. Where are the non white homeschoolers?


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## purplegirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
Goodness it's been quieter than normal here. Well my son is officially a college student, so far he is in hog heaven. He called me today to say he loves college! Unlike high school where he felt he was not free to have an opinion and express it, his professors encourage diversity in views. As a kid who wants to go into either constitutional or public service law he is in his element.









My kidlet starts kindergarten next week and ladies I am having a dilemma. By and large while I have always liked the idea of homeschooling as someone who works outside the home in a crazy job, homeschooling always seemed like a fantasy and not a reality.

Our town has excellent schools, everyone raves about them, small class size, great teachers...all that good stuff you think of when you are sending your kid to school. So what's the problem? Well we are in a town of 16,000 that is not terribly diverse, more diversity than when we first moved here but not a great deal.

Kidlet got the teacher everyone raves about and she is clueless on matters of race. I know because at the 2nd screening/orientation I talked to her about how she handles diversity in the class knowing that my girl is only 1 of 2 kids of color in the class and she told me "Oh kids don't see race". I was stunned.

I was raised in Chicago but went to magnet schools where for the early years I was the only kid of color in my classes and honestly it took years to deal with the fallout from it. Yeah, I got good grades and was getting a great education but socially I was a mess. I fear this happening to my girl. Moving is not an option for several year but after this past year in preschool when she went from a program with other kids of color to being the only kid of color, I saw subtle changes. Emphasis on why is my hair not straight, etc.

So I am seriously thinking of homeschooling but feeling clueless about the process. Irony is that I have taught kids and adults in a past career but teaching my own kid is a different beast. My hubby asked that we start her in school and monitor the situation and we have agreed that if after the first quarter it feels like its harming her we will pull her out.

I am scared, I guess it also doesn't help that while I know some homeschoolers they are not friends just acquaintances. None of my friends are supportive but I know my kid and I know what its like to be the only Black/non white kid in the class.

My son who went to school out here actually thinks she should go to school, he admits it was hard but that its character building. Yet I think that girls already have to deal with so much compared to boys and add race and its overload.

I need to hear from some sisters who have or are homeschooling. One thing that bothers me is much if what I am finding about homeschooling seems geared to white families. Where are the non white homeschoolers?


Welcome EastbayMTB!

I'm doing fine here in good ole Delaware. School has started which means my schedule is crazy mad busy but it also means, I am making money







I've picked up more business and have hired someone else to work in my practice







All good stuff!

Shay, congrats on all fronts! There's a facebook group called black homeschoolers (look for them on my friends list). Of course, I am childless and have not had to consider these issues, so I'm not actively participating in the group discussions. It might be resource for you. However, let me caution, they seem to be ultra conservation. Nonetheless, you might find others who are struggling with similar issues as you.
Good luck.


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## ErikaDP

Hi Shay,

I don't really have time to post a long reply right now, but if you join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AfAmUn...guid=261205045, you will be able to ask questions on a list with almost 700 unschoolers of color(mostly Black/AA).
And even though this is a very busy weekend for me, I am going to try and make it back here and post again.♥
**..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´**
Take Care,
Erika







(I don't wear a fro, I'm just a sister who likes this smilie!)







:


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## ErikaDP

Hello Everyone,

It has been such a long time since I have posted here! I spend so much time on Facebook that I forget to come here and post. As a matter of fact, it was on Facebook this morning that I learned that Mothering magazine in print was no more! I don't know how I missed that news! What a sad passing! The magazine was a real lifeline for me when my children were young! And I was hoping that it would be there for my daughter and sons as they started their parenting journey.

It seems so ironic to me that as my oldest was born, the magazine went national and as my youngest became an adult, the magazine is ceasing in it's print form.

So the MDC forums are more important now than ever! And I will try to do my part in participating here more.

I hope that the new year has started off well for everyone and that you are all surviving the winter! We are really ready for spring at my house! How about you?

Well, that's all I have time for! I hope that I see posts from many of you here soon!♥

*..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ Peace, Love & Light!-:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*
Take Care,
Erika


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## AndrewsMother

Helllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... Everyone of FB? I miss this forum.


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## Tropicalfever

hi everyone, its seems this forum has been deserted, or did you post a new thread?


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## ErikaDP

Hi,
It has been such a long time since I have posted here. Many of us are on Facebook and it seems that it's where we are these days.
Please feel free to respond to this thread if you want to chat here too! <3


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## tracyamber

Can you give he Facebook link???? And why on Facebook instead of here? Just curious


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## Brown Lioness

*Shot in the dark*

Anyone still here? Ive been on this thread since 2008 but havent posted in a couple years, so I was wondering if anyone was still looking for us. 

Also, what is the facebook group name, or do ya'll still post there?

Anywho, even if none of the oldies are still here, Im bumping this up for any newcomers who would like to chat.

Ive been ready and waiting to TTC pretty much since this thread began lol. My husband and I just have agreed to start TTC our first here in a couple months, so I am in full TTC prep mode.

Anyway, if you want, i will maintain this thread if anyone is interested. Just throwing the call out there.


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## MsBe

I'm interested! I didn't know this thread existed. And I too am in full on TTC mode. I don't do much FB'ing but check out Mothering pretty regularly so I hope this thread finds new life this year. I had just found the magazine shortly before it was discontinued (I was pregnant with DS1 and my midwife had lots of back issues to lend). And these boards have been a real godsend while dealing with feelings about my m/c in 2013.


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## tracyamber

Well, we can start a new thread if anyone is interested. I am!!


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## Brown Lioness

tracyamber said:


> Well, we can start a new thread if anyone is interested. I am!!
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Yes, please, we can lock this thread up and start a new one.


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## tracyamber

Today I will start a new thread" women of color #14 !!
Can you all come over and post if you are interested. I don't think we need a thread keeper but if anyone feels we do just step up. I was never a part of any of the conversations on the old thread but I imagine we talk about anything " mothering " and related right? 
Okay see you later

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## tracyamber

I am just waiting to see if we should start a " group" but maybe a thread would be better. I don't think there is enough of us for creating a group with various threads. Waiting for details about it from Cynthia.


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## tracyamber

Okay,
Here is the new thread!!!!!!!!!
Make any posts there and I hope to see posts :grin:
http://www.mothering.com/forum/7-fi...705-women-color-2014-2015-a.html#post18092265


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