# Help!! Need Info-The Pearls Books On Chilcare??



## mmmummy (Mar 12, 2005)

i just found out a friend of ours likes the helpmeet book,not sure about the childcare book (her husband doesnt like gary ezzo and i doubt they use methods like that) if i remember correctly..arent the pearls really....wacky?? harsh?? something bad anyway..please remind me so i can at least be armed with info should i need to tell them about something not being quite right.


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## GoodWillHunter (Mar 14, 2003)

The pearls advocate setting an INFANT up for "failure" i.e. reaching for something they can't have, and then "switching" the baby's hand.


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## Icequeen_in_ak (Mar 6, 2004)

The pearls are evil.....


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## mmmummy (Mar 12, 2005)

awwww man..i thought so..boy do i hope they dont put the childcare stuff into practice..thank you guys by the way.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

icky icky beating babies....

-Angela


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## spero (Apr 22, 2003)

Oh, the Pearls of HISdom?









They are waaayyyy worse than "wacky". They are sick and abusive.


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## mermommy (Aug 16, 2004)

a thread or three about the Pearls, their books, and the not so pleasant " discussions" that we have about them:
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=270325
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=244597
http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...d.php?t=314214


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## johub (Feb 19, 2005)

The Pearls book "To train up a chlid" is a How to manual on child abuse.
Just disgusting.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Yeah, I've never read any of their stuff, but heard LOTS of bad tidbits. They're right up there with Ezzo and Dobson.


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## Satori (Jan 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *johub*
The Pearls book "To train up a chlid" is a How to manual on child abuse.
Just disgusting.

My mother gave me that book, thank god I didn't read it! (I rejected it based on the fact it was religious based)


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## DABsMommy (Apr 23, 2005)

It does read like a child abuse manual. Here is a link to the book in its entirity. http://city.hokkai.or.jp/%7Erepent/E...s/TrainUp.html

I have been reading it on and off occassionally, its very sad and very wrong







. I read it so that I can know what I'm talking about when it comes up.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

DABsmommy, I wish you hadn't posted that link, because THEN I had to click on it, and THEN I got to the part where they're comparing parents of troublesome children to holocaust victims (i.e. "The parents look like escapees from a Second World War, Polish boxcar") on the first page and THEN I

uke

Hey Pearls, that's my great-grandpa and grandma you're talking about, right before you start talking about whipping kids. I have never seen parents that look like concentration camp victims due to children's misbehavior.

Jerks. It really shows the level of empathy available there in the deep pit in which they reside.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Okay, I just had to click on the link. I got to about the second paragraph of the introduction and I couldn't remember if I was reading a parenting book or the synopsis of The Stepford Wives.

. . . _no more raised voices, no contention, no bad attitudes, fewer spankings, a cheerful atmosphere in the home, total obedience, no one with a pesky independent thought is his or her head . . ._


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

I'm up to paragraph four now:

. . . _the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules_.

I'd better stop reading it now before I get to the part about rubbing their noses in toileting accidents.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Heffernhyphen*
I'm up to paragraph four now:

. . . _the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules_.

I'd better stop reading it now before I get to the part about rubbing their noses in toileting accidents.

Or the parts where the children have to sleep in stables and eat groats and be taken to state fairs and displayed as the miserable excuses for children that they are? Or maybe they have a special "kiddy litter box?"

I guess you didn't get to the part yet where Mama Pearl hits a two year old with a toy (after he hit her first, nyah) so that he knows that there's bigger bullies in the world. At one point hitting so hard a "karate-like wheeze" escapes her. Where was that in the Bible, where Jesus said "suffer the children to come unto me, and I'll hit them on the head with a toy wrench so they can see how bullies get business done." I guess I didn't see that part. Maybe they have a different bible than my friends.

Well, maybe they didn't write about the animal parts in the book, but you know it's probably part of their strategy somehow. These people are sickly, and should have the absolutely worst psychiatric care available. Based on their pictures on their website, _they_ could use a few training lessons on grooming and presenting a pleasant demeanor.


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## aisraeltax (Jul 2, 2005)

i just posted about the old schoolhouse banner and copied this from the website. i really cant read anymore on it...they are so sick.
The rod we speak of is a plumbing supply line that can be bought at any hardware store or large department store. It is a slim, flexible, plastic tubing that supplies water to sinks, and toilets. Ask for "¼ inch supply line." They cost less than one dollar. I always give myself one swat before I swat the child to remind myself how much force to exert. It stings the skin without bruising or damaging tissue. It's a real attention-getter. Michael demonstrates its use in our new Seminar videos.
and yes, they set up training sessions where they put something in front of the child they arent supposed to touch and wait until..well...the child touches it. then bam! switched for that! leave the object there and wait a bit! kind of like Pavlov's dog (did you know he started out with his brother and it really didn't work)?
my child rearing is not generally religiously based but i dont remember the Torah saying anything about setting our children up for deliberate failure just so we can sit a valuable book or gun on the dining room table and have it untouched. what jerks! i hate guns and would never have one in my house and i always ask parents about that before my kids visit. uncomfortable sometimes, but i do it.
the pearls


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

If you really want all the details, they have a website too. Warning -- VERY upsetting to those of us who don't think that children are evil to be "tamed" through violence. If you are brave and have a steady head and stomach, check out: http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

I had to search for the site -- they keep changing the name. Wonder why? I agree, these people are beyond wacky.

Edited: Oops -- my bad. You are right -- I had the wrong site. The Pearl's site is www.nogreaterjoy.com. Still really icky.


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## walley5 (Mar 30, 2003)

raisinggodlytomatoes.com is not the Pearl's website, it is a completely different family's site - just so's ya know.


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## Cleopatra (Jun 25, 2005)

Oh my GOD, what a horrible site that is!!! My favorite quote of all is when she is telling parents not to allow their kids to have any outside of family friendships and advises a mom whose son wants to play with a neighbor kid to "tell your son that his MOTHER and family should always be his closest friends"!!!! My Lord, the Mommy complex that boy will have!! He could become Norman Bates!!!


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I ran into the book awhile back. It reads more like a dog-training manual than a childcare book.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

My dh thinks they're wackos because they're "Christians" who are against going to church. They home-church and don't let their kids do any youth group or group type activities.


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## pjlioness (Nov 29, 2001)

I skimmed the first chapter (did a yahoo search and found it). I'm feeling vaguely nauseous now. Makes me want to hold my kids close and cry for those babies being switched, slapped, spanked, etc. on their sweet chubby cuddly bodies.

I can't say that http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ is much (any?)
better.

How could any child brought up this way learn to regulate hirself? They only behave because mommy and daddy hurt them if they don't. It is fear. Just because they can seem to play happily does not mean they aren't in constant fear. Kids in war zones still play.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

My mom was raised by an uberauthoritarian woman. When my sister was a toddler, she went to our grandmother's house and suffered the same sort of "training" these freaks suggest. My grandmother had a lot of nice things and didn't believe they should have to be moved just because some bold child came to visit. So my mother and grandmother sat with my sister and let her touch the focking hummels and Lladro angels and smacked her hand everytime until all three of them were crying. Even back then, how could they have thought this was right?

Fast forward 40 years, my sister is an unhappy, discontented alcoholic with a boring job and no friends. I think they beat the curiosity and spark right out of her that day.


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## nyveronica (Jun 1, 2005)

The worst thing I read on the Pearl's website (it makes me vaguely naueous giving their name a capital letter...) was their advice on how to handle a 3 month old infant who bites while nursing: PULL A HAIR ON HER HEAD!

Nice, really nice. I guess if you use a switch on a baby you can't be sure not to leave a mark, so it's hair-pulling?! For infants?!?


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## Dylan's Mom (Jul 8, 2005)

Susan,
Your sister's story makes me feel sad and reminds me of my Aunt and Uncle's child-rearing. They would occasionally come and visit and subject me to some of their training--they thought my parents were way too lenient and weird







. It's sad to see my youngest cousin raising his son the same way, at least on the surface. They didn't want to start any bad habits by letting their son into their bed, so mom and baby would fall asleep on the couch together :LOL . The good news is the ol' Aunt and Uncle have softened up a bit as grandparents...*sigh*. The Pearls and Tomatoes are very riteous, and both sound like they got to their philosophies through trial and error--too bad they didn't turn to a better place for help.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

I couldn't help but peruse it... but... why do they keep making comparisons between children and animals?

Quote:

Careful training can make a dog perfectly obedient.

Quote:

You must anticipate and train the horse for all potential occurrences. This is done in a controlled environment where situations are created to test and condition the horse's responses.

Quote:

The point to remember is that the animal learns to identify not only the sound but also the tone.
I don't know about their children, but mine's no animal.

OMG - they are recommending *Setting your child up for being punished*!!!!

Quote:

Try it yourself. Place an appealing object where they can reach it, maybe in a "No-no" corner or on an apple juice table (That's where the coffee table once sat). When they spy it and make a dive for it, in a calm voice say, "No, don't touch it." They will already be familiar with the "No," so they will pause, look at you in wonder and then turn around and grab it. Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, "No." Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training.


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## marycatlumom (Oct 21, 2003)

Though I have heard of ezzo, I had not heard of the pearls. So, of course, I had to click on some of the links in this thread to read their own sick and cruel words. Speaking as a Christian, it infuriates me when people like this use the word of God to justify abusing children. Guess I should go hug my three and pray for all those poor children suffering at the hands of their parents because of people like michael and debi pearl.


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## Peepsqueak (Jul 5, 2005)

I was on the tomatoes website for three years when it was the woodshed. I admit I did not fit in and their methods did not work for my family very well. I was trying to raise my children as a "Christian" should; found that my ideals just did not tie in. Also WAY too much male chauvanism for me. Plus they do not support working mothers very well...they imply we are all evil and selfish and working to compete with men and for the mere pleasure of buying everything we want and of course women never "need" to work under ANY circumstances!







:


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## Peepsqueak (Jul 5, 2005)

Also, I do not apply these awful methods to animal training either. The Pearls material is very dangerous for gullible or young inexperienced mothers trying to do the right thing by their families. It is also very dangerous marital advice....sickening; I think that Michael is a repressed sexual pervert anyway by his overall additude!


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## Kira's mom (Nov 30, 2004)

That is the sickest, saddest thing ever! So disrespectful of livivg beings.I have to go now to tell dd that i love her so much and will never ever hurt her.


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## kindergirl77 (Jun 30, 2005)

I have heard that these sicko's advocate placing a real gun in plane sight (within young children's reach) and SPANK SPANK SPANK when they do touch it until they learn not to touch it.
Talk about setting kids up for failure, and causing major TRUST issues. Hmmm, Yeah, lets teach parents how to abuse their children w/o making (bad) marks and w/o having CPS come to get you.
I can see why the Pearls don't want their children around other children, neighbors or at church- they might notice the bruises!
I'm getting a stomach ache now..


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Wow...that is sickening....wow...I guess they worship a different God that I was taught about...they don't sound like they are emulating a very loving God.


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## amanda2b2 (Oct 28, 2004)

Take your friends book and burn it. This people are sick and twisted. I odn't know why their children were not taken from them.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=41
http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=41

Quote:
A child left to himself in a crib or a room is being trained. All child-initiated events that have consequences, be they pleasant or unpleasant, are training. If a child stumbles into an experience and finds the consequences pleasurable, he is trained to repeat it. If the consequences are unpleasant, then he seeks to avoid it. If an infant sticks his finger in his eye, the pain will discourage him from repeating that on himself, but he may try it on you. That is unless you should make his unwelcomed advances unpleasant for him. The first time an infant pulls your hair, if you pull his, he will never be a hair-puller. One taste of a plastic toy communicates that it is not made to eat. These experiences are physical, and are easy to understand, but what about soul training?

Quote:
If a child cries out in loneliness and is rewarded by being picked up, you have trained him to repeat the crying any time he wants to control the adults in his life. When a child is told no, and he responds with temper, if the parents compromise and give over just one-inch to the child's demands, they have trained him to throw fits. It will become a life-long habit, begun at three months.

http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm
TRAINING NOT TO TOUCH
There is much satisfaction in training up a child. It is easy and challenging. When my children were able to crawl (in the case of one, roll) around the room, I set up training sessions.

Quote:
Try it yourself. Place an appealing object where they can reach it, maybe in a "No-no" corner or on an apple juice table (That's where the coffee table once sat). When they spy it and make a dive for it, in a calm voice say, "No, don't touch it." They will already be familiar with the "No," so they will pause, look at you in wonder and then turn around and grab it. Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, "No." Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough. They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence.

Quote:
Get set for training. Hold him where he can easily reach your glasses. Look him right in the eye. He reaches out. Don't pull back. Don't defend yourself.' Calmly say, No." If anything, lower your voice, don't raise it. Don't sound more serious than usual. Remember you are establishing a pattern of command to be used the rest of his youth. When he touches the glasses, again say, "No," and accompany your command with minor pain. He will pull his hand back and try to comprehend the association of grabbing the glasses and pain. (I usually just thumped their little hand with my index finger. I never knew one to cry. They don't even know that you did it. They think it was the glasses, or perhaps the "No" itself causes pain.) Inevitably, he will return to the bait to test his new theory. Sure enough, again the glasses caused pain; and the pain is always accompanied by a quiet little "No." It may take one or two more tries for him to give up his career as glasses snatcher, but he will.

Quote:
One particularly painful experience of nursing mothers is the biting baby. My wife did not waste time finding a cure. When the baby bit, she pulled hair (an alternative has to be sought for baldheaded babies). Understand, the baby is not being punished, just conditioned. A baby learns not to stick his finger in his eyes or bite his tongue through the negative associations accompanying it. It requires no understanding or reasoning. Somewhere in the brain that information is unconsciously stored. After two or three times of biting, with the accompanying head hurting, the child programs that information away for his own comfort. The biting habit is cured before it starts. This is not discipline. It is obedience training.

Quote:
One father tells of his training sessions with each new toddler. He sets aside an evening for "booty" camp, which is a boot camp for toddlers. The child of ten to twelve months is left alone to become deeply interested in a toy or some delightful object. From across the room or just inside the other room, the father calls the child. If he ignores the call, the father goes to him and explains the necessity of immediately coming when called, and then leads him to the father's chair. The child thus led through these paces is being programmed.

He is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed. Another call, and, if no response, the father gives a patient explanation and demonstration of the desired response. The parent, having assured himself of the child's understanding, once again sets up the situation and calls the child. This time, if there is not an immediate response the child is lightly spanked and lectured. The father continues this throughout the evening until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This "obedience training" is carried out in the utmost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment, but as reinforcement to commands.
One of our girls who developed mobility early had a fascination with crawling up the stairs. At four months she was too unknowing to be punished for disobedience. But for her own good, we attempted to train her not to climb the stairs by coordinating the voice command of "No" with little spats on the bare legs. The switch was a twelve-inch long, one-eighth-inch diameter sprig from a willow tree.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

I am so glad that these folks call their methods "training" and admit that is NOT, in fact, discipline. At least that way the word/concept of discpline isn't tainted by their methods.
But that's about the only good thing I can say about any of this.


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

I have zero tolerence for people that spank their kids, but pulling hair and switching babies is inexcusable and is indeed child abuse. The Pearls are soo wrong; it makes me sick to my stomach.


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## Bufomander (Feb 6, 2005)

this is so disturbing. I'm glad i can learn about it here, so i can have a rational response if i ever know someone who is reading their stuff.


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## zoe398 (Jul 8, 2005)

OMG! I was given this book 2 years ago by my midwife's assistant (she's now a licensed midwife, caring for 2 friends of mine!). I have an intense middle DD, and I guess she thought it would help? I (thankfully) never read through it. I vaguely remember her telling me it had helped her. I think I'm gonna go get sick now.


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

This is incredibly disturbing. I cannot believe that people do this to their children. Am I naive or what?

"No greater JOY?" So not only are they advocating beating kids, they are implying that it is joyful. I agree with PP--why are they allowed to keep their kids? Even more to the point, why are Americans so hung up on personal freedoms that they think child abuse is just a 'parenting option'.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Let's not forget his advice to only report a child molester to the police if they're not "willing to repent." It's at the bottom of the "Abusive Husband" article on their site.


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## annab (Mar 25, 2003)

Eeeew. I had to read more for the same reasons I watch Supernanny and gawk at car wrecks. It seems like a parody of real parenting.

There is a special hell for these people.


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## dswmom (Nov 17, 2002)

All their theories and ideas are just creepy and sickening. I can't even begin to imagine how a "loving" adult can make sense out of hitting their 4 month old with a stick or pullling a nursing babies hair. It is outrageous that they can make money selling their sadistic books to people.

Since there appears to be so many of us who disagree with their training why don't we start an anti-Pearl rally? There's strength in numbers!!! We could get their books banished from major retailers, create some anti-Pearl bumper stickers...Ok, I'm just dreaming up stuff, but wouldn't that be cool? Who's in? How do we get started?


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## mmmummy (Mar 12, 2005)

thanks for all the help everyone..ive been reading youre replies (still am) and what the pearls have written,also a newsletter called above rubies that i was sent by our friends and..i just feel so sick now i cant stand it..the things ive been reading are just..terrible beyond words..i hate this feeling.


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Just so you all know, this discussion board (mothering.com) has a rotating banner ad at the top for The Old Schoolhouse. It has Pearl books for sale as part of its "character building" section.

And here we are, a gentle discipline discussion board and magazine.

Thread about it:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=313802


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## chicagomom (Dec 24, 2002)

I always find it odd that books by people like the Pearls and Dobson constantly refer to animal-training techniques and animal-training anecdotes when discussing how to best beat, I mean train, a child. These are the same people who so voiciferously deny evolution and our biological relationship to animals; why would they do this?

The answer, of course, is that if Dobson's funny little dog-beating story was turned into a child-beating story he would be in prison, and people would be horrified.


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## Nickarolaberry (Dec 24, 2001)

Why aren't these people arrested for child abuse?

If they treated a dog or cat or other animal like this the animal-rights groups not to mention whatever agency is in charge of humane treatment of animals would not hesitate to report such a thing to the authorities.

Why are children less important? Why are babies less deserving of protection? What has this society come to? I can't bear it.

And to think they use the guise of "godliness"?! What a disgusting way to twist religion to evil and selfish ends.

Excuse me while I go hug my babies and cry for those poor babies whose souls are being damaged by every little swat.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gaby'sIma*
Why aren't these people arrested for child abuse?

At this point, all of their children are grown. While these guys are sick and I cannot stand their point of view, it is not a crime to write and advocate a sick point of view.

But, I do think its important that we are informed about them so we can make sure that as many people as possible don't buy their books and support their "ministry" and that those of us who are Christians can combat their influence in churches and amongst Christian parenting circles.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chicagomom*
I always find it odd that books by people like the Pearls and Dobson constantly refer to animal-training techniques and animal-training anecdotes when discussing how to best beat, I mean train, a child.

I know. I find that to be totally weird. My response to that, when I read anything that equates child-rearing with animal training is - My Child is not an animal!

But also true is, I would NEVER even think about treating my cat like that. I GD my kitty, too!


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Well, of course humans are animals. Mammals to be exact. **** sapiens is an animal species. It is speciesist to think otherwise.

But because of our large brain power, it is not neccessary to educate/train/discipline our children in the same way one would treat an intelligent animal like a horse or dog.

And no animal, human included, deserves to be trained at the end of a painful whip.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom*
At this point, all of their children are grown.


As I raise my son, I pretty much think, What would Mom do? And then do the opposite. It's pretty common to want to do things differently than our parents did, don't you think? So hopefully, the Pearl kids have grown up to be the crunchiest AP NFL hippies on the block. Wouldn't that be perfect Karmic revenge, raising the grandkids in slings and family beds?


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Actually, the Pearls are waaay NFL (co-sleep, non vax, whole foods, herbal wellness, etc). If they were GD too, they'd fit right in here. :LOL

They are, um, crunchier than me as far as lifestyle goes. I'm just getting started on the NFL journey







:


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

I dunno about the co-sleeping. They have some outrageous scenarios about how to keep your child in her own bed with the repeated and methodical use of the flexible plumbing tubing on her skin.

It's right on the Old Schoolhouse site in our lovely banner ad above!


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaryLLL*
Well, of course humans are animals. Mammals to be exact. **** sapiens is an animal species.

Ahh, yes. I spoke (ahem, _wrote_) too quickly. I was feeling unrational about the Pearls. You are absolutely right. I think what I meant was - my child is not a *pet* - and even in the case of my pet, I would never want to harm another living being simply to prove that I can take charge over it.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I believe this has been an informative thread for the OP. I am noticing some personal attacks in some of the contributions to this thread and want to remind everyone that name calling is not allowed.

Please see this section of the User Agreement: (May be found under "Rules" at the very top of any MDC page.)

Quote:

Posting in a disrespectful, defamatory, adversarial, baiting, harassing, offensive, insultingly sarcastic or otherwise improper manner, toward a member or other individual, including casting of suspicion upon a person, invasion of privacy, humiliation, demeaning criticism, namecalling, personal attack, or in any way which violates the law.
I am asking everyone to please review their posts and remove any namecalling.

It is ok to express your opinion, such as "*I believe* the Pearls advice is evil."
It is not ok to say "The Pearls are evil."

Our rules about namecalling extend across the board to everyone, not just other members.

If there are any questions, please send me a PM!

Carry on...


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## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

What I'm enjoying most about reading the Pearl's writings is their selective inconsistencies. For example they seem to write with perplexing compassion about the subject of bedwetting:

Quote:

"When I was growing up I wet on the bed. I hated wetting on the bed and would have done anything to be able to stop. I played hard and I slept hard. I simply could not wake up! No amount of medication, discipline, or shaming could change my personality. Today, I still run the days course like the road runner himself. At night I sleep like the dead. Thankfully, when I was nine years old, my bladder finally learned to adjust.

My mom was a very practical woman. Every night she simply provided me with an old towel to stuff in my under pants, and brought clean sheets every morning. The heavy-duty rubber cover protected the mattress, while my mother protected our secret.

To my shame, I never could spend the night away or go to camp without dread of wetting the bed.

But mom-bless her heart-never added to my shame. She made it as easy as possible on me until nature allowed relief.

To the many hundreds of moms who have written, I just want to say, "Relax," teach your bedwetting children to privately put on a towel or diaper at night. Remind them to go to the bathroom, but don't make an issue of it. They hate their problem more than you do. They are the ones who wake up cold, wet, smelly, and embarrassed.
Just like some kids learn to walk late, others need time to grow out of this problem. Remember, someday your child may grow up and write an article on bedwetting, or co-author a book on child training; so make sure you leave a good impression. This has been the confession of Debi Pearl. I do feel better now.
I guess because the person making the "confession" is none other than Debi Pearl? So because she had this specific experience it was okay and should be dealt with compassionately?

Yet she expects a 4 month old to have enough self control to stay off stairs? And the 4 month old should endure physical pain to stop its innocent explorations.

But, lest you be drawn in by that reasonable, gentle piece on bedwetting:

Quote:

Dear Pearls,

My 4-year-old has a big problem when she needs to get spanked. She bucks, screams as loud as she can, turns red, and thrashes around. It is unbelievable how she acts, and it is very tiring. Consequently, she gets fewer spankings. She is usually a good kid except when she is pouty.
Seeking wise counsel,
Mama
.....Children (as well as adults) throw fits as a means of controlling the actions of others. Your daughter screams and runs away because it works in reducing the pain. If throwing a fit caused more pain-not less-the child would wisely stop throwing fits. If running away from sweet, tender Mama with a little-bitty switch meant running into a lion, she would welcome the switch as her savior. When you make resistance not only futile but contrary to her best interests, she will stop resisting.

When she screams or flees, calmly follow through by physically subduing her. Sit on her, if you have to, and slowly explain that you will not tolerate this resistance. Explain in a normal tone (She will eventually stop screaming and listen) that you are going to give her, say, five licks for the original offense and an additional two licks for the fit. Slowly apply the five licks, counting out loud. When I say slowly, I mean with a thirty second gap between each lick and a calm explanation to the screaming child that you are not the least impressed except that you are going to spank harder and she still gets the additional two licks plus one more for her ongoing screaming. When you have finally arrived at five well- anticipated and carefully counted licks, say, "OK, your spanking is over; that is the five licks you got for hitting your brother, but now I must give you two more for trying to run away." Give her one lick and say, "Now, that is one of the licks for running away; you have one more coming." Give the second lick, and then calmly and slowly explain that all her licks are over now, except for the one additional lick she incurred for continuing to scream during the spanking. After you have finished, tell her that you are going to let her up now, if she stops screaming, otherwise you are going to give her one additional lick. If she stops, or at least makes a great effort to, then you have won. You may never have to go through this horrible time again. But, if she is continuing to scream in defiance, you have the option of continuing to warn and spank, or of ceasing here with a parting warning: "Next time you better not run and throw a fit; for if you do, you will only get more licks and harder ones."










I think people have to be careful though if they start reading too much of this writing. I can see potential for it to warp and corrupt a person's thinking. (Not advocating censorship of any kind, but I do believe that what we allow to enter our minds can affect us in subtle ways. I feel like I need to shower my brain after reading this stuff. :LOL )


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## Venice Mamacita (Dec 24, 2003)

I strongly advise anyone subscribing to the Pearls' "training techniques" with their own children to familiarize themselves with the child abuse laws in their state, because what they advocate is -- legally -- child abuse in the State of California. Which may be why they homeschool & practice social isolation -- teachers are mandated reporters of child abuse, as are physicians, shrinks, etc. . . .


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

_"OK, your spanking is over; that is the five licks you got for hitting your brother . . . "_







Talk about your logical consequences.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

ACKKK!!!! SCARY, SCARY, SCARY!

My heart literally hurts for those poor children.


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## halah (Apr 28, 2002)

Anyone get to the part yet where Daddy Pearl pushes a curious toddler into a swimming pool with his foot yet??? That's my favorite bit, personally speaking.


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