# At what age should DD no longer see DH naked?



## mt_gooseberry (Jun 25, 2010)

Just wondering at what age it becomes inappropriate for DD to see DH naked. We're really relaxed about nudity and bodily functions while at home, and my mom made a comment the other day when I mentioned that my 16mo DD got in the shower with DH. I happened to be in the bathroom at the same time (naked as well, as DD and I bathe together), but even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. We rarely close the door when using the bathroom, so DD also always sees us at those moments. Plus, we cosleep, and usually sleep in some degree of nudity. Does anybody else think we need to start focusing more on modesty? If not, at what age should we start being more careful of what she sees? My father never let us see him nude, so I guess I just don't have anything to judge by.


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## princesstutu (Jul 17, 2007)

For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.

When I was married, the X and I talked about it and he began covering his genitals when *he* became uncomfortable with it. If he had never become uncomfortable, I certainly would not have suggested he cover up. I think nudity is natural and fine.

When my now 12 yo told me that he didn't like me walking around naked when he was 8 yo, we talked about it and I told him that I felt like I should be able to be naked in my own house and so should he, but if he was uncomfortable with nudity, then *he* should cover up, not try to control what I do with my body. He agreed that that sounded reasonable and I bought him a bathrobe and from then on, he always had on clothes or his bathrobe when he was in the house. I still roamed around naked from time to time (cuz I didn't do it all the time to begin with) and he was never uncomfortable again.

In our home, we've always had an understanding that you can cover up if you want, but you don't have the right to tell other people they can't be naked. Their bodies, their rules. We all deserve to live how we feel most comfortable. And, everything is up for discussion.

Good luck!


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## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

OP - we didn't worry about it much while our kids were toddlers but we covered up more as our children got just a little older than that. It wasn't a big deal if we were at a change room for swimming or something. It wasn't a big deal for my dh to shave with a pair of shorts on and I just pulled on a robe. It wasn't a big deal. As our kids became more independent using the bathroom it was important to us to teach our children that they have a right to privacy in the bathroom and when getting dressed. If they invited us into their room or the bathroom that was fine - we didn't give the message that what they were doing or being naked was bad - but we didn't walk in on them and we taught them to do the same for us and each other. It is good to allow kids to develop a comfort with bodies but it is also important to allow them to develop healthy boundaries.

I disagree with the notion that an adult has the 'right' to be undressed whenever they feel like in their own home and if a child has a problem with it, they need to cover up. The child wasn't uncomfortable with his own nudity but someone else's! If someone else is yelling and hurting my ears, lowering my own voice isn't going to ease that discomfort if the other person keeps yelling. It is developmentally normal for an 8 year old to be uncomfortable seeing an undressed parent and covering up his own nudity does not address that discomfort. I think children, especially as they get older, also have a right not to see adult nudity in their own home. It doesn't sound like everyone has the right to live how they feel most comfortable in your house. Walking around undressed might make you feel comfortable but your child let you know that it makes him uncomfortable and it sounds like your reply told him there was no point challenging that and so it was easier to just say it was fine rather than say what you didn't want to hear.

Eyes are also body parts - does the person whose eyes are uncomfortable with seeing adult nudity not get to make the rules for that part of their own body? When my kids were younger and we were teaching about boundaries and touching and so on, we included eyes as a part of their body to be respected. Not that they should never have to see anything they don't want to but that someone showing them private body parts or pictures of them that made them feel uncomfortable was just as inappropriate as touching them or being forced to touch someone else.


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## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

My dh was uncomfortable with our daughters seeing him nude, as he's actually their step-father(he adopted my 2 older girls when they were a baby and toddler). I would have had no problem with it and it did get annoying at times (daddy can go potty alone but not mama!) but you can't force people to not feel uncomfortable! If he'd been with the oldest from the time she was born it would have felt more normal to him, but she was a toddler so it wouldn't have felt so natural.

As for me, I took baths with my dad until I was past 5, and one day at Thanksgiving I announced to my mom's uppity family that my dad's penis was bigger than my new baby brother's penis, and he took that as a hint that it was time to stop! I feel there's no problem with kids seeing their parents nude, until one begins feeling uncomfortable. I do remember my brother, as he approached puberty, didn't want my mom walking around nude but she did anyway and I felt sorry for my brother. Now that he's grown, his own children were/are never allowed to see nudity or even go in their parent's bedroom, very odd to me. I only have daughters and my oldest is 16 and I walk through the house nude. They used to say, "Eww! Gross!" or block their eyes with their hands, but now I am pregnant and sensitive so they have stopped LOL


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## mommariffic (Mar 18, 2009)

I'm sorry but if I told my parents that I was uncomfortable seeing them naked and they told me to cover up but they were going to continue prancing around, I'd be scarred for life, I'd move in with my fully clothed Aunt or something.


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## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

What comes to my mind is people exposing themselves to children (at the bus stop, or a park or whatever). Yes it's different when it's your own home and own parents, but I feel it's teaching them other people have a right to be nude around them, and that's just not true. No one has a right to flash his genitals at my daughter at the park. I still walk through the house to get to my bedroom after a shower or trying to find clothes in the laundry room, my daughters have seen their grandmothers' chests a few times, but if they truely objected I would stop. I think it's very healthy to see bodies as normal but it seems around 8 or so, boys don't want to see their moms nude and I wouldn't force the issue because of what I mentioned at the beginning of this post. I would not want my children to get flashed by some stranger(or uncle, or anyone unwanted) and feel dirty from it, because "people have a right to be nude". As an adult, they will understand intent but as a child not so much!


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mt_gooseberry*
> 
> Just wondering at what age it becomes inappropriate for DD to see DH naked. We're really relaxed about nudity and bodily functions while at home, and my mom made a comment the other day when I mentioned that my 16mo DD got in the shower with DH. I happened to be in the bathroom at the same time (naked as well, as DD and I bathe together), but even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. We rarely close the door when using the bathroom, so DD also always sees us at those moments. Plus, we cosleep, and usually sleep in some degree of nudity. Does anybody else think we need to start focusing more on modesty? If not, at what age should we start being more careful of what she sees? My father never let us see him nude, so I guess I just don't have anything to judge by.


Either you or your little one will give off signals that they find certain nudity uncomfortable and I think that should be respected. I am trying to think when that happened in my house and I think it was around 4-6. It varies a bit from kid to kid and amongst adults. It is not your mom's call, though, so I would put her comments out of your head.


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## Agatha_Ann (Apr 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


Seriously?


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


Hold on. Your kid tells you that he is uncomfortable seeing you naked, and you tell him that it's basically his problem, and he shouldn't try to control your body? Are you serious?


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## syn_ack89 (Oct 1, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


"And he was never uncomfortable again"?

More likely he never brought it up again because he didn't get listened to the first time.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


That's really disturbing to me.


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> In our home, we've always had an understanding that you can cover up if you want, but you don't have the right to tell other people they can't be naked. Their bodies, their rules. We all deserve to live how we feel most comfortable. And, everything is up for discussion.


I sort of get what you are saying, but think you have taken it too far.

For example - I have the right to wear a bikini in public if I want, and if you think my size 14 body should not be in a bikini that is just too bad! I also have the right to nurse in public, wear ugly clothes etc....

It really is your problem if you are offended for the most part by what I wear.

However, if your son is telling you he is uncomfortable, I think you should listen. The possible negative consequences of not following through on his request is probably higher than following through. It is important to teach children that if they are uncomfortable with something they should speak up and ask for change. It was not an unreasonable request. I think honouring boundaries he is asking for is more important that your desire to go in the buff.

I also think teaching children that people do have the right to wear what they want is pretty easy. The world is full of judgment about how people dress - you can always comment on that when it comes up.

I do get that your son is now 12 and may very well be Ok with how things transpired. I am simply putting the rest out there for anyone else reading or thinking about this topic.


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## oaktreemama (Oct 12, 2010)

Quote:


> he was never uncomfortable again.


Or since you shot him down with some weirdness about how it was HIS problem he was embarrassed and never brought it up again.


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

how amazing that your kid was willing and able to talk to you about your nudity making him uncomfortable. i mean, wow, how mature of him. it's really too bad you shot him down and now he has to deal with his uncomfortable feelings about it in silence. who knows how he is really feeling now. i imagine he wouldn't tell you.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Shantimama*
> 
> I disagree with the notion that an adult has the 'right' to be undressed whenever they feel like in their own home and if a child has a problem with it, they need to cover up. The child wasn't uncomfortable with his own nudity but someone else's! If someone else is yelling and hurting my ears, lowering my own voice isn't going to ease that discomfort if the other person keeps yelling. It is developmentally normal for an 8 year old to be uncomfortable seeing an undressed parent and covering up his own nudity does not address that discomfort. I think children, especially as they get older, also have a right not to see adult nudity in their own home. It doesn't sound like everyone has the right to live how they feel most comfortable in your house. Walking around undressed might make you feel comfortable but your child let you know that it makes him uncomfortable and it sounds like your reply told him there was no point challenging that and so it was easier to just say it was fine rather than say what you didn't want to hear.


Oh my! Totally agree with this. If my dad had done that to me, I would have absolutely considered it abusive. Poor kid probably never felt "comfortable" with mom's nudity...just realized that he had tried to change it and wasn't able to. WOW


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## milletpuff (Jul 4, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *APToddlerMama*
> 
> Oh my! Totally agree with this. If my dad had done that to me, I would have absolutely considered it abusive. Poor kid probably never felt "comfortable" with mom's nudity...just realized that he had tried to change it and wasn't able to. WOW












What kind of a message is this sending to him about respecting other people's boundaries? Or feeling safe about talking to someone when they are uncomfortable? I can't even believe this. If your 8 year old daughter told you that she felt uncomfortable seeing an adult male in the family naked, would you tell her that she had no right to ask that and that SHE should make sure she is covered?


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

I think in general whenever parent or child show a sign of discomfort. For us DH is very modest in that area now that we have DD. He just doesn't feel comfortable with it. Before DD if he was allowed to walk around naked the minute he got home he would. But I had issues with it. I am sorry but I don't want his naked ass on the furniture. Other people have to sit there too. For me I am less modest with DD at this point. But we also don't bathe with DD at all. Just doesn't feel right to us so we don't. I have tired and it just takes more work then what its worth for me. I imagine if we have a boy I would start covering up more and more once they hit 3 or 4.But thats because that is what I am comfortable with.

I think I was around 7 or 8 when I first said something to my dad about walking around in his underwear. After that he got a robe. I know I was a lot younger when he started kicking me out of the bathroom when he would shower.

I had a friend in school whose mom and step dad were always naked. There thinking was my house my rules. Talk about weird when we would be at her house and seeing her step dad walk out to the living room naked as can be and just hold a conversation with us.

I feel really bad for the above poster's son to be told to just suck it up. Because in some ways it could really create some problems in other areas of feeling comfortable with his own body or others.


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## milletpuff (Jul 4, 2008)

Well I think there is also something to be said for NOT waiting until a kid actively expressed discomfort about it before thinking about it. My dad and I shared a bed until I was about 10 and he slept naked until I offhandedly told my mom about it (they were divorced and split custody) and she HIT THE ROOF and told him to never do that again. It made me SUPER uncomfortable but I was a very sensitive and shy kid, and it would not have EVER occured to me to assert any sort of boundary. That was just "how it was" and that was that, in my mind. I just sucked it up.

In an ideal world, then yes, kids would be able to express discomfort (AND BE HEARD AND RESPECTED) and there you go. But I think it's irresponsible to wait until a child expressed discomfort. It might be too late at that point, yk?

Oh, and OP thank you for thinking about it. I think you are just fine for now and it will depend on a lot of factors. I don't have kids so I can't speak to it from that end but as a child I found that I started really feeling weird about around 7 or 8.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

DH actually used to be a lot more paranoid about being naked in front of DD. Now she's 3, and he's realised she totally doesn't care (for now, at least), so he's loosened up a bit. We don't tend to wander around randomly naked, but if he's in the shower and she wanders into the bathroom, he doesn't freak out or anything; and he'll change clothes in front of her. It's a total non-issue.

I do remember being somewhat traumatised as a kid, when Mum would make me shower with her (for ease of washing my hair, which was a tad traumatic to begin with). I hated it, but was too shy to say anything - so I agree with a PP that a parent shouldn't necessarily wait for an explicit conversation initiated by the kid.

And the whole "my child shouldn't try to control my body" thing - say what? I really don't get this logic. If a child says "I wish you wouldn't smoke around me", is the correct response "If you don't want to smoke, don't smoke, but I'll do what I want"? Of course not. How we act in a shared home affects other people. If our flatmate decided he wanted to walk around naked regardless of our discomfort, well, he'd be looking for a new flat!


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Smokering*
> 
> If our flatmate decided he wanted to walk around naked regardless of our discomfort, well, he'd be looking for a new flat!


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Well, my kids are 'older' than a lot of the parents. Our kids still see us naked.

Dd is 7, and dd had day surgery where he was completely undressed. When I went to pick him up, dd (age 7) was with me. Dh started to get dressed (and I needed to help him as he'd had abdominal surgery and was pretty sore/stiff). The nurse asked if we wanted to send our dd out, and dh just looked at her and said "no, it's OK if she stays." I think we started/perplexed the nurse. But if the choice was between dd standing alone in the hallway vs. being in with us, it was in with us.

That being said, I think when our kids hit puberty, I'm going to start being more cautious. Ds (age 10) usually doesn't stay in the room when I've got no clothes on (I don't spend a lot of time naked, it's usually just after a shower or getting dressed), but he'll happily stay if all I've got on is a bra and panties. That tells me he's probably at the age where I need to be more careful. Interestingly, he still wants help with his bath, so he doesn't mind me seeing him naked.

My bottom line would be:

When either the child or the parent are uncomfortable, it's time to cover up.

For us (we've lived in Europe), that's a pretty old age. For others, it might be much earlier.


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## purplerose (Dec 27, 2010)

I still see my mom naked and she sees me. Not very frequently, but it happens. I've also seen parts of my MIL.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

DD1 is 8, and DH is still naked often in front of her. He tends to be the type that wanders around without clothes on at times. It hasn't bothered her yet, but she also wanders around unclothed as well so apparently nudity doesn't phase her yet. When one of our children express a desire to not have others see them or not see others unclothed then we are fine with covering up.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> When my now 12 yo told me that he didn't like me walking around naked when he was 8 yo, we talked about it and I told him that I felt like I should be able to be naked in my own house and so should he, but if he was uncomfortable with nudity, then *he* should cover up, not try to control what I do with my body. He agreed that that sounded reasonable and I bought him a bathrobe and from then on, he always had on clothes or his bathrobe when he was in the house. I still roamed around naked from time to time (cuz I didn't do it all the time to begin with) and he was never uncomfortable again.


you were far kinder to your son than my mom was. she told my bro to get over it and to stop acting like such a prude. she asked him to think about why he felt what he felt. was it societal pressure or truly shyness from his side. if it was true shyness on his part she would stop. he never said anything.

it was never an issue ever more. it did help my bro to have an open mind about others nakedness - and how he himself looked at public nudity.








my same mom would try to hide from dd when seh was 9 months old. and again at 3 years old. she would never let dd see her naked. but her kids even now is ok.

ex stopped when dd was around 4 or 5 coz he felt uncomfortable. however now its dd who







ma what's the big deal. daddy keeps hiding from me when he is changing. what's the big deal about being naked?!!! i just dont get it.

mind u she gets that she has to respect his decision, but she just doesnt see what the big deal about being naked is all about.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I haven't read all the replies yet.

IMO, if your dd or your dh are uncomfortable with him being naked in front of her, it's time for him to start covering up.

I haven't really had to deal with this much. DS1 ran around the house naked quite a bit until he was 7 or 8. He didn't completely stop until dh (his stepdad) moved in a few months after his 8th birthday. I was still naked in the house a lot until that point, as well. Because of the new relationship between me and dh, things shifted a litttle in the house, and I mostly stopped being naked in front of ds1 when dh moved in...but it still wasn't a big deal if I happened to walk to the bathroom with no robe and ds1 got up (happened once, I think). It's been a long time since ds1 and I saw each other naked, and I"m sure neither of us would be comfortable with it now (he's 18). OTOH, ds1 can walk in and find me lying ont he couch with my breasts hanging out and not even bat any eyelash, because he's had younger siblings who are breastfeeding for a large part of his teens. DD2 is a snacker, and sometimes, she pushes up my shirt and then walks away, so...yeah - ds1 is used to that.

DD1 hasn't seen dh naked in a while, but I'm not sure how long. I think if she walked into our room and he didn't have a robe or sheets on, she'd feel uncomfortable and leave (she's become more aware of these things in recent months), but it wouldn't be a huge deal. She's 8 now.

At...was it 16 months?...this isn't even on my radar. Mind you, I don't believe that modesty, with respect to nudity, is a virtue, anyway. So, I may be coming from a different place on this than other people.

Okay - off to read the thread!


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *princesstutu*
> 
> For me, when the kid expresses that it's an issue (or shows signs of it bothering him/her), that's when I discuss it. With the kid. I feel it's no one else's business. I can be naked in my own home all I want and my kids can, too, and we can talk about it if any of us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.
> 
> ...


This is both disturbing and completely nonsensical. First, my wearing a parka to dinner at my mother in law's isn't going to make ME more comfortable with her wanting to be naked in her own home. Nor is it going to change my perceptions about my own body. That makes absolutely no sense what so ever.

And second, it is my job as a parent to make my daughter feel comfortable, happy, content, safe, etc in HER own home. Because after all, she lives here too! This isn't my house, it's OUR house. Our family's house. We are a unit. Part of living with other people is reaching common ground, being respectful, making compromises. All that happy horse do-do.

I get not wanting to make the naked human body weird, I really do. But the fact is, you can't dictate to other people what they should and should not be uncomfortable with in a group living situation. If my daughter were afraid of snakes, I wouldn't keep them as pets. You know? Your son does not have the option of moving out and getting an apartment at the age of 12 should he be uncomfortable with your actions.

If I found myself living in a communal situation, I would not be comfortable with other adults being naked around me. And I am quite comfortable with my own over weight body. I love the beach, wear nothing but tanks and shorts in the summer, having no problems wearing a tankini. And yet, I don't want to run into someone walking down the hall to the bathroom naked. I really don't. And that's MY comfort level. You get no say in that. And if we were living in a house together, I'd hope you would have enough respect for me as your roommate to honor that. Just I would do for you, because that's the decent thing you do when you live with other people. You have not afforded your son that basic amount of respect.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

I guess for me it's what 'kind' of nudity. Is it someone walking through the house naked just because or is it someone walking from the bathroom to the bedroom after a shower naked? Our bathroom is not attached to our bedroom so we (DH and I) often will walk naked from a shower to the bedroom - about 7 feet. If the kids are around, they will see us naked. If they are not around, they will not. To this day as a grown adult, if I am in my parents room when one of them gets out of the shower they will walk out, say hi and get dressed. No big deal. It really does depend on the comfort level of everyone involved. I think it also depends on the attitudes of those people. If it's a natural thing then it's no big deal.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Kerrie*
> 
> I guess for me it's what 'kind' of nudity. Is it someone walking through the house naked just because or is it someone walking from the bathroom to the bedroom after a shower naked? Our bathroom is not attached to our bedroom so we (DH and I) often will walk naked from a shower to the bedroom - about 7 feet. If the kids are around, they will see us naked. If they are not around, they will not. To this day as a grown adult, if I am in my parents room when one of them gets out of the shower they will walk out, say hi and get dressed. No big deal. It really does depend on the comfort level of everyone involved. I think it also depends on the attitudes of those people. If it's a natural thing then it's no big deal.


In the context of Princesstutu, it doesn't really matter what kind of nudity is the problem. Her son brought it up, she dismissed him, and then told HIM to put clothes to make himself more comfortable. I'm assuming the article of clothing she's talking about was an eye cover? Because that's about the only thing that I can see working.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

To answer OP's question: my mom made a similar comment about dh taking baths with dd. What was annoying to me was that she never made any comments about me bathing with ds!

I would say, when the child seems uncomfortable, I would stop being naked around him. I think with ds we're getting close to that point, he's ok with himself or his sister being naked, but not really with me.

Dd couldn't care less!


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

"At...was it 16 months?...this isn't even on my radar. Mind you, I don't believe that modesty, with respect to nudity, is a virtue, anyway. So, I may be coming from a different place on this than other people."

Yeah, I can't imagine thinking about it at 16 months.

I have a 7 y.o., and he recently put the kibosh in bathing together (doesn't mind bathing with his sister if the occasion calls for it, but has decided that post-pubescent female genitalia is "horrible" and not something he wants to be in close proximity to, ever. He was very clear on this







). But he doesn't seem to notice or care about nudity (his, mine or Dad's) while sleeping, getting dressed etc. I assume that once he hits puberty, he'll start to feel different about this kind of thing, and I will have to invest in a nightgown.

But at 16 months? No way it was on his radar.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom*
> 
> To answer OP's question: my mom made a similar comment about dh taking baths with dd. What was annoying to me was that she never made any comments about me bathing with ds!


Depending on your kids' ages when she became concerned though, I don't know that it is that "off." I have never felt uncomfortable seeing my mom naked, even now, but definitely started to feel uncomfortable at a young age with seeing my dad naked...probably 3 or 4, which I am guessing is young compared to most, though I don't know. That was also around the time when I stopped seeing him naked so either he figured out I was uncomfortable or became uncomfortable himself.


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## Kerrie (Jul 23, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *North_Of_60*
> 
> In the context of Princesstutu, it doesn't really matter what kind of nudity is the problem. Her son brought it up, she dismissed him, and then told HIM to put clothes to make himself more comfortable. I'm assuming the article of clothing she's talking about was an eye cover? Because that's about the only thing that I can see working.


I was responding to the OP.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

I agree with most people here about nudity not being a real issue. Being naked feels good and is necessary for bathing, sleeping comfortably, etc...we bed share and I'm usually only wearing a nursing top, DH a tshirt and kiddos naked but for diapers...so we're cool with bodies. DD has "noticed" DHs genitals and points sometimes and says "hahaha, dada has a penis, hahahahahaha" - but DH just sort of says "yup" and walks on. If she laughs at it AND tries to poke it (HAS HAPPENED!) he says "Hey, that's MY penis, it's not for you, it's for me" - same as when she tries to make me look at her "Gyna" (what she calls her vulva/vagina)....she will say "Haha mama, look, look it's my GYNAAAA!" and I just sort of say "Hey kid, that is your gyna, not for me. My gyna is for me only and your gyna is for you" - and she usually just laughs and walks away. But, that's life with a three year old, she's in the "hhmmm, everyone has a penis or a gyna" phase and so she sometimes points it out (even to strangers, like, in the store







).

But yeah, we think it's normal, totally not bothered by nudity. We don't make it a point to be nude or anything.....but "nude-appropriate" actitvities...yeah. We're fine.

As for the post about our kids not having a right to tell us not to be naked. I'm sort of shocked at my own opinion about this. On the one hand, I totally believe we have to listen to and respect our kids...on the other hand, I can admit that I would really resent being told not to go about as I pleased in my own house. I am interested to see more stories, experiences and opinion on that one...I never thought about what I would do if one of my kids said they were uncomfortable with my occasional nudity in the house. I guess I would try to talk with them about where that came from....but I would definitely not be like "tough, kid, you're going to have to see my lady parts all the time, muahahaha!" - so I don't know what falls in between my right to be free in my home and my childs right to feel comfortable in his home. Interesting.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Nudity is not real issue for us either. DS is 13 now and while I would not deliberately walk around the house naked in front of him, I also don't make an issue if he happens to walk in while I am changing or showering.

My father on the other hand, God bless him, was a bit of a hippy and used to just hang out naked. My parents were divorced and I lived with my mom most of the time. I HATED it.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *North_Of_60*
> 
> In the context of Princesstutu, it doesn't really matter what kind of nudity is the problem. Her son brought it up, she dismissed him, and then told HIM to put clothes to make himself more comfortable. I'm assuming the article of clothing she's talking about was an eye cover? Because that's about the only thing that I can see working.



















I find the OP's post disturbing and I feel sorry for her child. If my children ever expressed discomfort about me being nude in front of them I'd keep my nudity in my room with the door locked. Honestly, their comfort is WAY more important than mine.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

My older son is almost eight and he hasn't expressed any discomfort yet, but I make sure to never put him in a position where he's unwillingly confronted with it. It is fine with me if he comes into the bathroom while I'm showering or into the bedroom while I'm getting dressed, but I don't hang out around the house, so it would be very easy for him to avoid seeing me naked if it bothered him. I would say it's only in the last year that I've been making a point of not being naked outside of those situations. I don't want him to be feeling uncomfortable about it and feel like he either has to suck it up or tell me, which might feel awkward to him.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

so if your child is embarrased do u try to find out why? before you take any actions?

are they really embarrassed or are they accepting societal norms and just doing it without thinking about it.

do u think sometimes you might need to push the issue a bit to help them see nothing wrong in nudity? or to let them even just think about nudity rather than just accept something? but if they are still v. uncomfortable after trying then you would reconsider?

because my mom told my brother to go suck it. she made him think about his own views on nudity. about being comfortable nude. and it really helped him.

dont any of you like walking around in the nude on a hot hot sweaty day? what about those of you who sleep in the nude?

who defines where one can be nude (not going by the law but just in principle) - the nudist or the person wearing clothes.

would u be shocked if u saw a 2 year old or even 3 or 4 or 5 year old happily playing in the front yard totally nude? not saying you 'should' be shocked because that is the norm here, but would u be?


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## Chamomile Girl (Nov 4, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *meemee*
> 
> *would u be shocked if u saw a 2 year old or even 3 or 4 or 5 year old happily playing in the front yard totally nude? not saying you 'should' be shocked because that is the norm here, but would u be? *


All I can think about when I read that is SUNSCREEN OMG!! But then my kid is uberpale.

My parents wandered around naked (and left the bathroom door open) until I was twelve. Their nakedness never bothered me because it was so normal. I wanted to be a nudist when I was young though (up to about 9 I think?) so maybe I'm a different kind of apple.

Anyway when I was twelve my mother decided it was no longer appropriate for me to see my dad naked so the door was closed to the bathroom (both for him and for me). Really the message this sent to me was that there was something wrong with ME. Like I had somehow become oogy over night. I totally didn't get it. I don't know how I would have/will handle this differently though. I suspect it will probably be a different dynamic since our kid is a boy.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *meemee*
> 
> so if your child is embarrased do u try to find out why? before you take any actions?
> 
> ...


Well my kids have no reason to be impacted by "societal norms" in terms of nudity as they are never exposed to other people's opinions regarding this. If my son came to me and said eh's uncomfortable seeing me nude why would I say "Honey, why are you uncomfortable seeing mommy naked?" Why isn't him telling me he's uncomfortable enough?

I don't walk around nude on a hot day but we have A/C and beyond that I don't enjoy being nude. I like my boobs kept in place or it's extremely uncomfortable and female discharge? Don't even get me started.







My kids are free to run around naked if they wish to but they mostly run around in jammies or underwear, but no, I wouldn't be shocked in the least.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *APToddlerMama*
> 
> Depending on your kids' ages when she became concerned though, I don't know that it is that "off." I have never felt uncomfortable seeing my mom naked, even now, but definitely started to feel uncomfortable at a young age with seeing my dad naked...probably 3 or 4, which I am guessing is young compared to most, though I don't know. That was also around the time when I stopped seeing him naked so either he figured out I was uncomfortable or became uncomfortable himself.


I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom*
> 
> I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.


As far as that goes my DS is six as well and my DD is 3. It's never occurred to me that they shouldn't bathe together. My kids talk about each other's genitals very rarely "DD has a vagina because she's a girl like you mommy but we have penises" that sort of thing... Oh and my sons just loooovvee to say "Oh, OW my weeeenie!!!" and DD has started saying that now.









I wouldn't worry about that in the least as long as there's no actual problem with the kids not respecting each other's bodies.


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## MountainMamaGC (Jun 23, 2008)

The rule in our home is when DD starts wanting more privacy regarding her nudity, then we will give her that privacy. Not only in regards to her nudity but ours as well.

As of now that is just not happening. The kid strips off all her clothes when ever she is alone in her room and comes prancing out naked. lol. Its not the nudity part that bugs me, but her naked butt all over my furniture. lol.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Our rule is that whenever anyone wants a change, they make that change. So my husband got uncomfortable with dd #1's curiosity about his naked body, and he started being careful to wear at least underpants around her. She is still not particularly modest, though I do make her wear underpants because I think it's cleaner. When she wants more modesty, she will get it. I keep expecting it to happen and she keeps wanting to run around in underpants around the house. Everyone walks in on me while I shower or change clothes or whatever and it hasn't bothered me yet so I still let it happen. But if it made me uncomfortable, I'd say I wanted privacy.


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *transylvania_mom*
> 
> I was comparing parents bathing with children of opposite sex. Ds is 6, and dd is 21 mo! She hasn't even noticed that his dad and brother are different from her. Yet my mom is concerned about my dd, but didn't say anything about my ds.


oops! Misunderstood you. Yeah, nothing weird about that!


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

I require people to wear underwear in the house because I think sitting on the furniture naked is gross.  That said, I'm not a naked person. I like my clothes thankyouverymuch. My husband and soon-to-be-housemate are both nudists.

And Chamomile Girl, my kids are out back naked all day every day and we don't use sunscreen.


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## matte (Dec 26, 2010)

My mother was nude around me long after I expressed my discomfort with it (age 10 or so), and would totally blow off my own requests for privacy in the bathroom and shower when I was nude. She would call me in to talk with her when she was nude, etc, and even sat around nude in her hotel room with her partner when I had to share a room with her (post college). I can't tell you how many times I've seen her on the toilet etc. Frankly, I think her insistence on doing this was a sign of no boundaries to the point of being abusive. It was very traumatic to me, not that she was naked, but that she seemed to insist on me seeing it.

So, every family is different, but I would strongly urge people to consider the importance of showing respect for their children's boundaries around issues like this, and maybe even marking the boundaries before it becomes an issue for their children.


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## princesstutu (Jul 17, 2007)

I just noticed there were replies that referred to my reply.

It is difficult to share all the intricacies that went into our conversations about this topic, but yes, I know the kid wasn't uncomfortable b/c we kept discussing it afterward and he told me he was fine (the level of discussion in our family is such that I questioned that and approached him about it, again) and he understood my perspective.

Maybe that would not work for other people in their families, but it worked for us in ours.

We have lots of instances in our family (since there are so many of us) where we have to clearly discuss boundaries and when it's okay to force "my" beliefs onto someone else. (Actually, I would hope this is normal conversation in any household, regardless of size.) In the case of nudity, I do not believe it's okay to force my beliefs onto someone else and I also don't believe it's okay for someone else to force his beliefs onto me. Hence discussion and a resolution that works for all interested parties.

Interpret how you will. If it doesn't work for your family, I understand. That does not make it inherently traumatic.

It's interesting that folks would assume that an 8yo would be traumatized and lose trust in his mother from the little bit I wrote about this here. I think we could agree that communication involves sometimes uncovering the real root of discomfort in a conflict and if that root is gotten to, I think a workable resolution can be acquired. That is the point of healthy communication. I know, though, that not everyone practices healthy communication, even on message boards.


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