# OMG - How Could I!?!



## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

I just looked at my calendar and realized that I have booked a Maternity Shoot for the same week as my Xavier's due date. The mom will be 36.5wks so I really cannot push her off a week or anything. Im going to have to go through with it - plus it's going to help me pay for my family tattoo I intend to get on the due date.
But what the HELL was I thinking? Im going to be a mess that week and then having to watch a happy couple rub their big round belly and take pictures of the whole thing..........








I need a mantra or something. Something I can say in my head to keep my calm and to get the shots we need. ACK!


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

Oh, I'm so very sorry. Maybe you can try to look at it as a hopeful thing. You know, that will be you this time next year, or something. I'm not sure - I'll try and think of suggestions, but I needed to post right this second to send you *HUGS*.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

what a shock that must hvae been for you to realize! don't beat yourself up, mama. you didn't do anything wrong. maybe you could just focus on that tattoo, which i'm sure will be just beautiful.

if you don't mind me asking, i'm a child/family portrait photographer too and i'm wondering when it's "safe" to go back to work. how long did you give yourself when you knew you wouldn't be a wreck at shoots?


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

Honestly - this is the first one since our loss last November. I have had 2 other people ask me for them who I kindly referred to a dear photographer friend of mine. I just felt like I would be so miserable that I wouldn't compose my shots well.
This offer paid well and was too good to turn away myself - and this is this mother's rainbow baby as she lost her first one as well. So I had to take it (and have to keep it especially since my washing machine just died and I need an extra $150)
Anyway so Im hopeful that things will go well and that I will get back into my groove. If it goes well I will have another session with the family in August for Family Portraits and Baby Pictures.
I just felt like I should wait until after my due date to go for it - this one I kinda set up without thinking and yeah - big ol surprise!


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I taught a childbirth ed class 3 weeks after my loss. The *idea* of teaching the class was much worse than the actual time in the class. We met 4x, and once I started teaching, it was all very automatic. It may be the same for you.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I think that this being a rainbow baby/belly will make it easier for you. I know for ages after I lost my dd I would see pregnant bellies and babies every where. I tried not to let it affect me and the way I did that was to imagine that they were all rainbow bellies and babies. The mamas that I saw so happy had been where I was (or that I had imagined).

I really like that poem by Kahlil Gibran about joy and sorrow and it seems pertinent with your situation. "...The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

thinking of you


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## baize2006 (May 21, 2005)

I just wanted to wish you good luck and send big hugs your way. I agree that keeping in mind that it is a rainbow belly may help. See it as hope for all of us in the future!


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