# The bored cranky toddler - suggestions?



## Quagmire (Sep 27, 2005)

Hi all,

Lately we've been seeing a lot of negative behaviors in our DD (2 this month) - hitting/ tormenting/ chasing the cats, whining, crying, indecisiveness (will say she wants one thing, then freak out and yell when we give it to her), and just general up-to-no-good kinds of things that she knows she's not supposed to do (for example, she will say "don't touch!" and then proceed to push the water dispenser on the fridge).

All of this is going on while she's not hungry, tired, or lonely (has both parents' focused attention). Instead it really seems related to boredom. If she is focused on an activity she is fine, but once she loses interest she starts wandering around and acting in the ways I've described above.

We have a lot of toys and activities for DD. She does enjoy them at different times, however lately it seems that she is not truly interested in any of them, even the newer things from christmas. She will try to engage one of us in a specific activity - "play legos?" - but then she bounces off to do something else after a minute or two, and prefers to observe me playing with her legos. Which I can do, but only to a point. Especially when she's off in the next room tormenting the cat again.

I should note that she's in daycare so she is used to having a lot of other kids around to play with. When she's home it's just us, and I suspect she is not getting the stimulation she gets at school.

Our strategy has been to have activities set up - I just got a ton of arts and crafts type stuff - and to let DD go to "stations." She gets a lot of personal attention from us both throughout the day, so that hasn't changed. She eats at regular intervals and gets plenty of rest. We suggest things to do. We try to keep redirection positive, however "be gentle to the kitty" isn't working and there are only so many ways to say it.

So we're at a loss right now. I'm not sure how else to engage DD and keep her from being bored, and I'm not sure it's appropriate for me to try so hard either... seems like the more I try the worse it gets. We're wondering what people do all day with their toddlers to prevent boredom, and how to better address hitting the cats. We're also wondering what people do with bored kids, and what might be a reasonable expectation around DD entertaining herself.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated!


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## QDB (Aug 14, 2003)

Didn't want to read and not reply but it seems to me that going outside is the best thing we can do when ds gets like that or if it is too cold or he refuses to dress we go have a pillow fight or such on the bed.

Physical activity is always good for him but often hard for me to remember - taking a bath also helps too.

It is just DS and I all day everyday so I understand boredom.

I also think that this year (he is 2.75) that we just go thru ups and downs some months are easy and some months are hard.

Good luck - and you are not alone!


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## robinkate (May 5, 2005)

My dd gets bored very easily. When she was around 2, I made sure we were out of the house every day even if just to the store. That helped a lot. Now we go out every other day and that is fine, but if we are home for 2 days in a row, her behavior gets worse. I'm a SAHM so I don't know if this would apply to your situation or not, but just wanted to mention it. HTH!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Do you have her help you around the house? Scooping out flour, measuring water, picking beans, peeling garlic cloves, throwing clothes in the dryer, sweeping, etc? Sometimes (ok, most times







) it takes much longer to do something, but I've found my little ones love being a part of the household activities w/us. Also, when I've started questioning if my dc have "enough" to do, I try and think about how important it is for children to have that unstructured time to just _be_. It can be difficult when there seems to be so much emphasis on the opposite.

For me, focusing on what my dc can do as opposed to what they can't do has made a huge difference in our day. For example, touch kitty soft instead of don't hit the kitty







You might want to post or search in the Pets forum for more ideas. It's a struggle for us, too, w/toddlers and pets!

Best wishes to you!


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

I just found my schedule for one typical day when my oldest dd when she was two!

I had sent it to a friend many, many years ago when she asked me a question similiar to yours. Here was my answer. It might not fit with your lifestyle but made ours much better.

7:00 a.m. wake up

7:00-715 cuddle time with mom in her bed (we did not co-sleep)

7:15-8:15 breakfast, bath

8:15-8:25 On the floor in the bathroom with toys while mommy takes a quick shower

8:25-8:45 Mommy and dd get dressed

8:45-9:00 "help" mommy make the beds

9:00-10:15 Leave house and go to mommy and me class

10:15-11:00 Join friends at Starbucks for snack (milk and muffins) and coffee (moms)

11:00-12:00 Go to grocery with mom, come home and "help" mom put away groceries

12:00-12:30 play a game with mommy

12:30-1:00 Lunch and play by self on kitchen floor while mommy straigtens up

1:00-1:15 Stories

1:00-3:00 NAP TIME

3:15-5:00 Go to the Library and get books or go run other errands (dry cleaners, Target etc....)

5:00-5:30 Get to watch on tv show or tape on TV while mommy starts working on dinner.

5:30-6:00 help mommy with dinner (washing the veggies in sink, finding the "right" tupperware tops, playing with plastic dishes)

6:00 Daddy home, plays with dd for a short while

6:15-7:00 Dinner and then Play with daddy while mom cleans up kitchen

7:00-7:45 Famly play time (stack blocks, play with dolls etc..), into p.j's brush teeth, stories

7:45-8:00 In bed, discuss day first with daddy and then get good night songs from mommy.


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## Quagmire (Sep 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia*
Do you have her help you around the house? Scooping out flour, measuring water, picking beans, peeling garlic cloves, throwing clothes in the dryer, sweeping, etc? Sometimes (ok, most times







) it takes much longer to do something, but I've found my little ones love being a part of the household activities w/us. Also, when I've started questioning if my dc have "enough" to do, I try and think about how important it is for children to have that unstructured time to just _be_. It can be difficult when there seems to be so much emphasis on the opposite.

For me, focusing on what my dc can do as opposed to what they can't do has made a huge difference in our day. For example, touch kitty soft instead of don't hit the kitty







You might want to post or search in the Pets forum for more ideas. It's a struggle for us, too, w/toddlers and pets!

Best wishes to you!


Hi









Truthfully we don't do a lot of housework when DD is around. Since we both work, we like to maximize the time we spend with her, and tend to focus on just playing/ talking with her.

But the few things I do - throw in a load of laundry let's say - I could definitely enlist her help. Maybe we could get her a little broom and put her to work!









As for the cats, this is a very tough topic. We began with "gentle hands on the kitty" and have since escalated to "all done with the kitty" because she has yanked the cat's tail, chased the cat, and pestered him so much that he's now hissing and about to bite her. Physically stopping her from chasing the cat is only good for the time you're holding onto her. She will then run after the cat again and hit. The only thing that seems to work is DH yelling "DD! STOP!" which startles her long enough to allow the cat to escape









DD really does know the how to treat the cats ideally, and can explain back to us that hitting the kitty gives the kitty booboos, that the kitties like gentle hands, and that they need space and don't always want to be touched. This last concept is a tough one, as one cat will simply evade her, but the other tolerates only a certain amt of petting before he loses his cool. So even at her best, when she's being very very gentle, she still needs to back off, as he doesn't like a whole lot of touching.

So this is really the top issue with boredom - hurting the cats. Redirecting when she's intent on chasing them isn't helping - she's quite focused when she wants to be. I am loath to lock the cats in the basement because DD can't leave them alone - it feels like punishing them.

Again, this only seems to happen when she's bored. When she's got other things to do she either ignores the cats or can pat them gently and then move on.

We have tried involving her a bit in the feeding/ care of the cats. This is tough when it comes to litter boxes







But she feeds the cats and this seems to help with bothering them while they're eating anyway.

Robinkate, we do need to get outside more. The weather is rotten right now, so we have been inside a lot. When we go to the mall or to the store DD cannot be trusted to walk on her own even when there are two us (she likes to pull things off shelves, won't put them back, gets upset when we try to leave the store without said items) so the rule is she sits in the cart. A snack-bribe is needed, and she is only happy when the cart is moving, so trying to actually get anything done is very tough (ever tried to pull items off the shelf while moving continuously?







) And even with the bribes the trip can't be longer than 30 minutes or so - that's pretty much reaching the tolerance level and risking leaving a full shopping cart of groceries behind.

Plus we live 20 minutes from the nearest store, and DD is not a very tolerant car-rider...

Maya, I like your schedule. Did you have a mommy and me class (or other class) every day? We could definitely incorporate this into some of our days but I'm curious what you do on days where you're home all day (does anyone stay home all day or is it just us?







)

Rereading my reply here I feel like I'm shooting down all the suggestions. That's not my intention at all. I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate this stuff into our lives considering the way my DD is. She is extremely active, always on the move. Even when she was a week old she was lifting her head, looking around, not happy in any position that didn't allow her full visibility to all areas of the room. In short, a nosy peanut







She is still very much that way, and I'm trying to keep up with her energy level while I worry about what I'm going to do when the next baby comes.

Just wondering: does everyone else have a "schedule" like Maya's? Or do you have a list of activities that you cycle through? Do you plan one outing a day and wing the rest? Other? If you have a list of activities, what are they please?









I am frustrated by how quickly activities seem to "expire" For example, when we do go outside, DD is happy to swing and go down the slide a few times and then she gets bored and wants to do something else. She doesn't seem to know what though, and is looking to me to provide the entertainment.


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## maya44 (Aug 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quagmire*
Hi







Maya, I like your schedule. Did you have a mommy and me class (or other class) every day? We could definitely incorporate this into some of our days but I'm curious what you do on days where you're home all day (does anyone stay home all day or is it just us?







)

Rereading my reply here I feel like I'm shooting down all the suggestions. That's not my intention at all. I'm trying to figure out how to incorporate this stuff into our lives considering the way my DD is. She is extremely active, always on the move. Even when she was a week old she was lifting her head, looking around, not happy in any position that didn't allow her full visibility to all areas of the room. In short, a nosy peanut







She is still very much that way, and I'm trying to keep up with her energy level while I worry about what I'm going to do when the next baby comes.


My first dd was very much like yours and I quickly realized unless we kept busy she would be bored and cranky which would make me cranky.

So yes, we did something every day. I work two days a week so on the other three we did one of the following "Mommy and Me class" "Gymnastics class (together)" "Play group" "Library story hour"


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## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Another vote for getting out of the house here! My son is just like your DD, very active and seeks out negative interactions if left to his own devices. I also work, so I know exactly what you mean about wanting to maximize your time with your child at home.

I was particularly having trouble with my days off. It was hard because his schedule go messed up and we would be at loggerheads by 3:00 PM







. I learned that our whole day went much better if we got out of the house from 10:00 AM to 3 or 4 PM (naptime). I got memberships to the local children's museum and the zoo. We go the the park and then go out to lunch and to one of our destinations. Bingo! Problem solved AND we got bonding time.

Our mornings (I work evenings) are generally busy with playgroups and we're doing a music class on Mondays this semester. We keep it mixed up. I've found that sometimes we both just need to veg out at home and I think the going out frequently helps with that, too.

Good luck!


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