# no heartbeat 9 weeks



## furfeet (Aug 25, 2007)

I had an ultrasound yesterday because my symptoms were disappearing and I was scared. Other than one pink spot at 5 weeks I haven't had any signs that things were going wrong. I'd be 9 weeks today.
I could tell something was wrong just by the way the ultrasound tech was acting. He did point out the baby's head, back, rump, etc but wouldn't comment on date measurements or heartbeat. Then he sent me up to OB to talk about the ultrasound.
By the time I got up there I was crying because I knew something was wrong. The bubbly nurse (she's really young, probably early 20's) I had seen 2 days earlier when I requested the ultrasound came in and said with this big puppy dog face "I heard the bad news." I just couldn't help it, I snapped back "well I didn't!" and burst out crying. Then she left and I had to sit and wait 20 minutes for the doctor I've never met to come in and tell me my baby didn't have a heartbeat. They think it probably stopped developing at 6 1/2 weeks.
I'm completely certain of the day we conceived, so there's no hope there. I am scared to just wait until I start bleeding, but I can not bear the thought of going in, being numbed but awake while they scrape my BABY out and "dispose" of it.
I don't care if I've only been carrying it for such a short time. I knew the moment we conceived just like I did with my last child. I had plans for this baby and it felt like part of our family. Yesterday morning I'm looking at baby clothes and yesterday afternoon I'm told the baby is gone.
I talked to a nurse this morning to ask about what would happen to the baby if I had a d&c and she told me it was too early for there to really be anything to keep. But I saw it on the ultrasound! It was tiny but it was the start of the baby I already love in my heart. She said she'd ask about letting me keep the "contents" but it just breaks my heart to think of getting a box of blood clots and pieces. I'm sorry if I'm disturbing anyone but I can't hold it together enough to talk about this and I don't know what to do. Both options pretty much suck to me right now.
We already told everyone we were expecting, so that's another thing. It burns because I know some people will think it's for the better because they feel 3 kids is too much, almost greedy in a way. I told my mom about the loss and she kinda expressed that sentiment already. And yes I am one of her 3 children.
I have Lyme disease so we all knew this was a possibility, but DH and I certainly never thought it would happen to us! I'll never know if it was a chromosomal abnormality or a healthy baby that was attacked and killed by the Lyme.
I do hold my boys a little closer and appreciate them a bit more because of this, but it doesn't change that there's a piece of the puzzle missing.
I really don't know what to do, we were in the process of buying a bigger house and now everything is in the air. I just don't know what to do.
Has anyone had a d&c at this stage and kept the "contents" (I hate that word) or has anyone waited several weeks for a natural miscarriage and had it go fine on its own?


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I am sorry for you loss. I would encourage you to try to have a natural miscarriage I was able to keep the sac that the baby was in and bury it which I think REALLY helped a lot.


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## furfeet (Aug 25, 2007)

I'd really like to be able to bury it, I mean I saw the head and body and everything on the screen yesterday so I know it's in there. I'd much rather let it come out in one piece, on its own at home than the other option. But it's had 2 1/2 weeks and no sign of coming.
Another thing, my mom is a histotech in the pathology lab at this hospital, and all the people that work there know me and I've talked to them about the pregnancy and stuff so it would be hard on everyone to have the things come through there. Part of me wants to just get it over with though, it is taxing to not know when/what is going to happen.


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## mammabunny (May 8, 2008)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my baby at 12wks. I started bleeding (on a Sat.) got into my OB's office on Mon. The ultrasound tech told me "sorry hon, there's no heartbeat." But I already knew that, I saw the dead tone on the screen. Also, at my 8wk visit I heard the heartbeat, however, I heard nothing this time, so I knew. I waited 10 days to see if I would miscarry on my own - nothing happened. So I had the D&C. Those 10 days of waiting were hard, and each day got harder. I needed closure. So I was glad to have the D&C. That was 2 wks ago and I am starting to feel like I can move on. Not forget...never forget....but move on.


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

I did not naturally m/c after my first (8 weeks after baby past I had d&C) With my 2nd m/c I wanted to go naturally so my OB prescribed cytotech to put on my cervix. Some people will tell you to avoid that because it's not 'natural'. But for me it opened my cervix and about 3 hours after putting it in I had my baby. At 8 weeks he came out whole, still in the sac. Sac was about the size of a hen egg. It was not painful and I got to see him. At 8 weeks he already had limbs, beginnings of fingers, and eyes ect. And I could put him to rest in my garden. That was the most I could ask for in such a sad, hard time.


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *furfeet* 
I'd really like to be able to bury it, I mean I saw the head and body and everything on the screen yesterday so I know it's in there. I'd much rather let it come out in one piece, on its own at home than the other option. But it's had 2 1/2 weeks and no sign of coming.
Another thing, my mom is a histotech in the pathology lab at this hospital, and all the people that work there know me and I've talked to them about the pregnancy and stuff so it would be hard on everyone to have the things come through there. Part of me wants to just get it over with though, it is taxing to not know when/what is going to happen.

I know how you feel. My baby stopped growing at 6w3d and I delivered it at 8w4d. I am glad it happened rather quickly for me.. b/c knowing it was going to happen was difficult. If you are able to wait I think that is great, I think it is a personal decision for everyone to make on their own.


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## Thalia (Apr 9, 2003)

I lost my first baby at 8 weeks and they believe it stopped developing at 6 weeks. If you can, I would encourage you to wait. Even though the baby was only the size of a cashew, it meant something to hold him or her and be able to say goodbye.


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## MotherMama (Mar 31, 2008)

I agree with the others, it really helped me to miscarry on my own with my last loss and my baby has passed I am waiting to miscarry again. I wouildn't consider a D&C unless absolutely medically necessary because the last time, having my baby and holding and being able to bury him on my own was very healing. Our OB had told me that there is really no way to get the baby back after a D&C so there was no way I'd do it.

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I've had two miscarriages. With both, development stopped between nine and ten weeks.

With the first one, the baby was retained for three weeks. At that point, I had a D&C. You don't need to be awake for a D&C. I asked to be put under for mine, and it was no problem at all. I had the D&C the day that I actually found out that the pregnancy was unsuccessful so there was no waiting.

With the second, I miscarried on my own. The whole story is long and complicated, but I would have preferred the D&C...

Waiting for the actual miscarriage to start was difficult. It was more than three weeks from the time development stopped until I started to bleed, but this time I knew for most of the time that the baby was not developing. Because I was past 12 weeks when the miscarriage finally happened, and the placenta continued to grow and my uterus had continued to expand the whole time, there was quite a lot of tissue and a lot of fluid. I'd heard that a natural miscarriage would be like a heavy period and it wasn't at all. My water actually broke. What I had was exactly like labour, but on a smaller scale.

The three weeks of waiting, of starting to look pregnant when there wasn't going to be a baby, and the eight hours of "labour" which happened at in inopportune time did not make it easier for me at all.

It's very personal though. A miscarriage is a difficult thing to get through. I think a mom really has to do what will work best for her.

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I don't have any advice.....just a







I am so sorry for your loss


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## michaelsmama (May 20, 2003)

Oh mama, I'm so sorry for you. It must be so painful to just be waiting for the physical loss to start. I wish you a peaceful process, as peaceful as a loss can be.


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## skybluepink02 (Nov 9, 2005)

I had cyotech with one of my miscarriages that didn't start on it's own. They gave me pain pills to take at the same time and it was much less traumatic to miscarry at home than in a hospital.







:


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

I completely support the natural miscarriage method. if no fever no reason for anything other than natural. miracles do happen. what if it's twins? your body will get rid of anything that's not suppose to be in it.


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## furfeet (Aug 25, 2007)

thank you everyone for your kindness, support, and suggestions.

I've decided to go in for acupuncture early next week, and if nothing happens by thursday I will schedule the d&c for Friday.

As for my body knowing for sure to take care of it on its own I'm sorry but that's a load of crap. I've had to be induced for both kids (1st medically when I went past 2 weeks overdue, 2nd with acupuncture) I have really long, really hellish torture labors so unfortunately I lost faith in the all-powerful natural body long ago.

There's no chance of it being twins or even one living baby, I saw it clearly on the ultrasound, lying still and no heartbeat. The vaginal ultrasound was very clear, I could make out the head and even face, back, rump and appendages.
This is not a miracle situation. I'm sorry cuddlebaby but fever isn't the only reason for a d&c. It is extremely painful to walk around knowing my unliving child is inside of me, and I won't go into details about what we all know happens to tissue when it stops living. I'm on constant edge because I don't know when I may start bleeding or hemorrhaging. I can't take my son to his swimming lessons, I have to carry pads with me everywhere I go, and since my husband works nights I sleep with my phone next to me in case I need to call for help in the night. It's not very pleasant to wake up every morning and ask myself if this is the day I'm going to miscarry my baby. It's sad but this baby is not supposed to be in my body anymore, it should have been resting in the earth for 2 weeks now.

We're going to pick a spot on a hill on the old family land that has an apple orchard and a beautiful view of the mountain. Maybe under the same old tree where we buried my sons' placentas. I'm coming to terms with it, I just hope it happens soon. At least before friday.


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## matey (Sep 15, 2006)

Hugs mama. I found out that my baby had no heartbeat at almost 10 weeks, and the baby had passed about a week or so earlier. I too remember that ultrasound screen so well, and it was almost 2 years ago. I was lucky in that four days after finding out, I m/c. But, for those days, it was torture walking around knowing i was carrying my dead baby. I didnt get a d/c, but wish I HAD because I bled for 6 weeks after the m/c. It was like a constant reminder. I hope you get some peace mama, so many of us know this pain, and it is so hard. I am so sorry.


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## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I had the same thing happen six years ago and didn't even think at the time to keep the remains, in a way, I wish I had, just a little bag or box that I could bury- no need to look at it, for me anyways.








I'm sorry. It doesn't matter how many children you have. A loss is a loss.


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