# Are birthing and breastfeeding sexual?



## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Some of the other threads here have got me thinking and wanting opinions.

IMO, yes, these intimate experiences are related to sex. The baby does come out of your sex organ. Accompanied by groans and moans. Usually painful, tho, not orgasmic (exceptions anyone?). Oxytocin is released during orgasm, bfing and labor. but still... are they all sex acts?

Bfing does involve an erogenous zone, the breast. Altho we do have other erogenous zones, and in many cultures, the breast is ignored as a turn-on, in favor of the neck, the foot, etc.

Has anyone noticed how the fetishization of the breast has occured in our culture at the exact same time as bfing has gone out of fashion? Men that are fixated on the breast, have been denied the glory of nurturing at their mothers' breasts, as was their right and need, and now are doomed to lifetimes of being breast fetishists.

Look at fashion in the early 20th century. No big emphasis on breasts til around WW2, just when women really got all modern, went to WOH, let their "scientific" drs tell them "formula" (artificial baby milk) was actually better than their own nautre designed milk!

So, to sum up, IMO, bfing is sensual, and pleasant for the mom, but not sexual, in the traditional, orgasmic sense.


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## monpetitfils (Nov 30, 2001)

I hate to think of breastfeeding as sexual... skeeves me out.

I hate the fact that everything has to be labeled (not by you DaryLLL, just in general). Breastfeeding is natural, just like menstruating or having a bowel movement, but I don't consider any of these actions, that all take place in so-called erogenous zones, to be sexually pleasing, KWIM?

On a side note, I'd like to add that I am probably a little strange b/c I have not let hubby touch my breasts in a sexual manner since having ds. We have intercourse and everything else, just no touching my breasts. DS is now weaning, so maybe once he is fully weaned I will go back to the way I was before. I don't know yet. I am sure it is all psychological... societal taboos, etc. which brings me back to, I hate the fact that everything has to be labeled.







:


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I would say those acts are extremely "sensual" but not "sexual."

But lots of things are sensual, especially for children....
Like eating with your hands.


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## khrisday (Mar 18, 2002)

I don't know where I lie on all of this, but I do know that my first birth made me hornier than .....well you know. *shrugs*


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

i'm with khrisday...i dont know where i am on this....

i think society has sexualized birth and breastfeeding....maybe thats why people freak out when you nurse in the mall, but think nothing of wearing a thong on the beach. when i was considering having both my parents at the birth of my last child, almost everyone i told (except my parents!) thought it weird to have my dad there..._he would see my vagina!!_ ...but i didnt think that way, i was having a baby, not having him watch me get it on with my husband, kwim?

our breasts were meant to feed babies, thats why we have them. they were not put on our bodies so people can gawk and say we have "a nice rack". i have to say i always liked my breasts...small & perky, but i wasnt ever proud of them till i nursed my first baby. my husband, like alot of husbands, love my breasts. i was never crazy about him touching them while i nursed because they always leaked.

i cant really say i felt anything close to being orgasmic while i was giving birth. it hurt, and the only pleasure i had was when it was over (i had back labor 3 times, ugh).


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## amymarie (Jun 21, 2002)

This is a funny thread...as far as birth is concerned I haven't thought about it much,but when I first started bfing dd 3 years ago I felt very sensual feelings...even to the point of wondering if there was something wrong with me. Luckily I have a great best friend and we analyzed my feelings and came up with the simple fact it is sensual and theres nothing wrong with that. I wonder if me having very small boobs has something to do with it? I remember it feeling so natural and good. Like this is what I was meant to do and I did it perfectly. I wonder if the bfing hormones have something to do with it ...like maybe I produced an abnormal amount which led to my intense feelings of euphoria...


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## mom3 (Sep 27, 2002)

I don't know if I'd say they are sexual, but they are definitely the most intense things I've ever done, especially giving birth. Unlike most women I know I actually enjoyed my pregnancy and then childbirth, especially when I became pregnant the second time. I remember reading somewhere that of course it feels goods to nurse, otherwise prehistoric woman wouldn't have bothered doing it and the human race would have died out. For me, it's a very relaxing experience if I can get my "to do" list out of my head.


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

When I first read the Bradley suggestions of orgasmic childbirth, I was amused.

After going through labor and delivery, I'm incredulous. I do not believe it.

If one of you sisters can educate me otherwise, I'll be happy to hear it.

But the physical sensations of labor and childbirth were the least pleasurable things I've ever lived through. Sensual only in the sense that my senses were overloaded.

And BF'g, sexual? Only for those who get turned on by really really really sharp teeth.







uch

- Amy


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## abeard (Dec 28, 2002)

Well, for me breastfeeding is neither sexual nor sensual. But that may be because we had such a rough start and a rocky road the entire time.

I view breastfeeding as an essential part of motherhood -- just as essential as changing dirty diapers, smelling like spit up 99% of the time, and being sleep-deprived. None of that is sexual or sensual to me, but I enjoy it and love it all the same, and wouldn't have it any other way.

Amanda


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## Mallory (Jan 2, 2002)

I don't think breastfeeding is sexual, not even sensual. I always thought that I would have more pleasurable physical feelings from breastfeeding, but just relaxed is about the best (and at this point of nursing a 3 yo and 21 mo, if it is not annoying that is nice!)

But I do find labour and birth very sensual. My first birth was at the hospital, and I wanted more physical contact, I can remember pulling up dh's shirt during transition, because I needed to be closer to him, wanted to touch his skin.
But the second birth, was at a birth center, and I wanted pressure on my clitorus during transition and pushing. So in all of our pictures, dh's hand is on my crotch. He said it was amazing to feel ds come out. I think that I probably would have asked dh to touch me more the first time, but I was not as comfortable there as at the birth center. I probably would not have put dh's hand on my clitorus if my dad had been there. My midwife said that dh and I were really connected.


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Geez I'm not even breastfeeding yet (got another oh... 36 weeks or so to go :LOL ) and my breasts already don't feel sexual to me! I've never had more than the passing intrest in them for anything sexual at all! And I thought I was a total weirdo, since every partner I've had has been totally wrapped up in my breasts. I just don't get it. I actually hate my nipples being touched. Wondering how that will work itself out when I have this baby?







: I'm totally commited to breastfeeding, but I hope it doesn't drive me bonkers for the entire duration!


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## Envision (Dec 6, 2002)

Good question...I don't think I know where I stand on this completly, but have thought about.

With my first baby, during the last few minutes of labour, I look up to find this huge chinese doctor standing between my spread eagle legs (sorry..) and felt really conscience of his presence and the fact that he was looking at my vagina.
Logically I knew that he was looking at the baby...but I was still conscience of his presence.

With my second baby, we had a home birth and I invited my parents to be there...my dad was going to take the pics...
It never even occured to me that he was going to see "my privates"...well I suppose it occured, but didn't bother me.
I believe he took a picture of my sister's reaction to the baby coming out...so I suppose he felt he had to look away...I would think more because other people would think he was "disgusting, a pervert, disrespectful..." and that is sad because it was such a great moment...

With breastfeeding, due to some past issues, I did have a hard time and had to work mentally at distingushing between feeding my baby and sexual feelings and oddly enough, those feelings were stronger at night then in the day (can we say conditioning?). As he got older I didn't even feel when he was nursing so that passed...but it was a struggle at first...so to me at the beginning there was a sexual connection I suppose between breastfeeding and my breasts...but not between me and my baby...it's hard to explain.







:

Envision


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## shematrix (May 9, 2002)

I don't feel birth or breastfeeding is sexual in any way. Amanda summed it up very nicely in her post









Brenda


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## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

It all depends on how you define "sexual". I define it both as "having to do with sex organs and sex hormones" and "orgasmic/pleasurable".

To me, there is no question that birth is sexual in the former sense. The latter is more tricky because for some reason there is such a strong taboo in our culture against considering any body function outside of intercourse or masturbation as "sexual". Not sure why this is... some leftover guilt or shame about sexuality, therefore the need to separate it from more "pure" bodily functions?

I have read plenty of birth stories of women who found birth orgasmic or pleasurable. I don't see what is so strange about it being so, when you consider that orgasm/pleasure can be a result simply of the presence of certain hormones and the stimulation of certain nerve endings.

I find it interesting that some are willing to call birth "sensual" but not "sexual". Where, exactly, is the line between sensual and sexual -- what is orgasm anyway, except an extremely intense feeling of pleasure?

I guess maybe I have to be the weirdo here and say that for me birth _was_ sexual in the latter sense. I didn't feel orgasmic, no; I didn't even find most of the labor particularly physically pleasurable. But the moment of the baby passing through me was the most wonderful feeling. It felt much more wonderful to me than a penis has ever felt in the same space (and yes, I do enjoy intercourse.) So does that make it "sexual"? Or does my goal have to be orgasm for it to be considered "sexual"?


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## Faith (Nov 14, 2002)

Just to throw in my two cents, I think this is a very interseting thread, but I would have to say no (in my personal experience).

My birth *hurt* and there was nothing that pleasurable about it until my baby actually came out! I am talking about a great homebirth, but there was a lot of pain.

As for breastfeeding, I think it is supposed to feel basicly pleasant or who would do it? But just in a this-is-nice way, not a sexual way. Right now, nursing my 18 month old dd, I can say definitely say NOT sexual!! She asks to nurse, and then does, all the while jumping around and sticking her finger in my belly button.


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Thanks everybody, for the thoughtful and honest feedback.

So, as nursing mothers, we have a range of experiences about whether birthing and breastfeeding feel: sexual, sensual, pleasurable, remotely relaxing, or painful. The oxytocin present in our bodies, during bfing, will often make us feel good or "motherly."

Ever seen a mother cat nurse her brood? Even with all the squirming bodies, the sharp teeth and little claws, she lolls on her side, seemingly in ecstasy (sexual? sensual? it's a close call), purring madly. Then gets down to business, starts washing them all, roughly, briskly, efficiently, but still sensuously, still purring.

Our children don't feel sexual feelings during the nursing session? Freud introduced the idea that children are sexual beings from birth, and many toddlers/preschoolers more than love us. They often imply, they are in love with us, our breasts, and/or want to marry us when they grow up.

We live in a Puritanical society, where we repress many of our sexual feelings. I guess I am thinking of referring back to other threads here, pressure to wean, stupid things people have said to you abt bfing. Those "outsiders" who don't bf, or are very ignorant about it, even if parents, seem to often find our bfing overtly and disturbingly sexual. Are they perverts, or divorced from their own bodies, or jealous, or what? Maybe it is so unusual in our society for a mother and child to actually enjoy each other's company, it is seen as wrong, as harmful, to even hold, sleep with or nurse that baby/toddler. Don't we all have babies just to shove them off to daycare, and then worship the big yellow bus that removes them from our care 8 hours a day for 13 yrs?

So, when outsiders see us holding our babies constantly, nursing ("too") frequently, are they just disturbed by all the intimacy? and the tad bit of sexuality they see, ie: a bare breast and an eager mouth? The posters on the other threads seemed outraged that people would be offended by their nursing, but should we even be surprised?

So, what I am getting around to saying is: the disapproving observers are not just offended by the nursing, but the holding and physical contact alone. they would rather we put the baby in a bucket or stroller and propped a bottle of ABM, preventing all contact between mom and babe altogether?

Thank goddess some of us still do it the natural normal way, a thorn in the side of all the non-touchers, the in-love-with-technology Americans. If we weren't out there, NIPing, homebirthing, being so disturbing and insistent, what would happen to the human race? Who is going to win? Or will we have this dichotomy forever?


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## amymarie (Jun 21, 2002)

Daryl...that was a beautiful post....I loved reading it. You are a really good writer...I wish your post could be published in a magazine so everyone can read it.


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## ldsapmom (Apr 8, 2002)

I am an animal, but I am a human being. I can separate the feelings -- what would I be if I couldn't?

I have never experienced anything during my two labors and deliveries which could even closely be called sexual. Yes, the sex which lead me there was intense, world-spinning, worth it, but the births -- opposite polar end (which is fitting, coming full-circle).

My first I pushed for 3 hours, had him ripped via vacuum, a 4th degree tear, and a 9.8 baby. Number 2 was 90 minutes of pushing, only to present in a posterior position, 9.9. Nothing close to sex.

Breastfeeding my first son, he could have been sucking on my elbow, for all I seemed to feel of it. But with my first, I never really paid attention to my feelings of let-down. I nursed my first throughout my 2nd pregnancy. That was hard, because sensual feelings did come up -- with the body changes which come with pregnancy, I went from feeling nothing to feeling something: and I didn't like it.

With my two nursers, I try to really feel my let-downs. I have made the connection that timing with nursing and a let-down is not much different than timing with sex and an orgasm. I hope that does not offend anyone here, it is just a connection I have made in my mind. While the sensations, pleasure, bonding are different, there are similarities.

And while I know many nursing moms who want their husbands to maintain a hands-free zone when it comes to breasts, I find I cannot wait for my dh to give them some adult time. Sometimes I hate nursing; sometimes it makes my skin crawl and I am so ready for this part of my life to be over; sometimes it is all I can do to not go running in the street, screaming like a banshee, because I am so tired of nursing and-if-I-have-to-nurse-one-more-time-I-am-really-going-to-lose-it...it is those days when my husband lovingly reminds them of the life they had before kids. Adult time. I need it.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

Ids...
"Sometimes I hate nursing; sometimes it makes my skin crawl and I am so ready for this part of my life to be over; sometimes it is all I can do to not go running in the street, screaming like a banshee, because I am so tired of nursing and-if-I-have-to-nurse-one-more-time-I-am-really-going-to-lose-it...it is those days when my husband lovingly reminds them of the life they had before kids. Adult time. I need it."

I have felt the exact same way! Can i tell you that i was laughing quite hysterically at the visual i had of you running into the street.....Honestly, i have nursed all three kids, and while alot of you are nursing 20 times a day, 30 times a night in complete bliss, i did it because it was the best thing for my babies, not because i was in a constant state of euphoria.


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## guestmama9924 (Mar 16, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by DaryLLL_
*Accompanied by groans and moans. Usually painful, tho, not orgasmic (exceptions anyone?).*
*ahem*







yes, orgasmic, many many times orgasmic. I had to change positions! It was distracting....
Many of the homebirth mothers I have attended same the same thing. Maybe the uninhibited space...

But not in a sexual way. just from the preasure on the clitoris and the flow of hormones...

Anyway, I don't think of birth as a sex ACT, more of an extension of a sexual process. Love, conception, pregnancy and birth all involve many of the same hormones, biological events, participants and body parts.
Sheila Kitzenger and Michel Odent both talk about this in many of their books.
edited to add: and of course Spiritual Midwifery!!


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Thanks for the nice compliment amymarie! I really appreciate it.


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## boysrus (Dec 2, 2001)

Well, it is too late in the evening to give any in depth thought to this question, but I had to say that I did have an orgasm when my last baby was born. Not an ooh baby ohh baby kind of thing, but one of the strongest I have ever had none the less.
The midwife said to reach downa dn fell the baby's head(this was a homebirth) and I reached down and as soon as I touched my ahem privates, I went into orgasm! there were two people(neither one my dh) looking at that part of my anatomy at the time, so I kind of freaked out and pulled my hand away, not quite reaching the head. Then I did touch the head, then as he moved down a little further, I had another one, just from the head. So, yes it can happen


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## Sahara (Nov 28, 2001)

boysrus, I'm jealous!
It seems like it's a terminology issue. Mothers who enjoy it call it 'sensual' or 'intimate'. People who are uncomfortable with it call it 'sexual'.
I love it, it's sensual, intimate, fulfilling, absolutely wonderful. I don't know what kind of mom I'd be without my breasts


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## myrrhmaid (Aug 20, 2002)

My understanding is that birth & bf are stages in a woman's sexuality. Our social norms don't support the ecstasy of birth & bfing and I think that is why we don't hear more-have more support/reinforcment about the pleasures of it without feeling like there isn't a place for pleasure since it has to do directly with our children. Bfing & birth are the fullfillment of our sexual maturity. There are 4 stages to a womans sexuality, menarche' (1st menstrual cycle), pregnancy, birth & breastfeeding. We are amazing creatures, aren't we?


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amyrpk*
When I first read the Bradley suggestions of orgasmic childbirth, I was amused.

After going through labor and delivery, I'm incredulous. I do not believe it.

If one of you sisters can educate me otherwise, I'll be happy to hear it.

But the physical sensations of labor and childbirth were the least pleasurable things I've ever lived through. Sensual only in the sense that my senses were overloaded.

And BF'g, sexual? Only for those who get turned on by really really really sharp teeth.







uch

- Amy

The fetal ejection reflex can cause orgasmic feelings in women. The reason most women dont' feel it or have the reflex is that it is triggered by certain positioning during birth. Many, many women when left completely to their own devices get into a position where the baby's head descends and runs right into their G spot. This triggers a physical and hormonal response that is basically like an orgasm. I didn't have it either and I felt betrayed until I learned that it is positioning that is key and it's is so instinctual that trying to get in the right position doesn't usually work. Anyway, it does exist, though rare in our culture.

As for the OP- yes, I believe birth and breastfeeding are sexual in the sense that they both use sex/orgasm hormones to do their business. Both can come with physical and emotional responses not unlike sex or sexuality. For me, mothering in itself is a sensual thing. I have had a baby travel through my vagina, she kicked my cervix in utero, and when she was born she suckled at my breasts. While not sexual organs they are an erogenus zone. My best friend gets a lot of sexual pleasure with breast stimulation. I prefer neck kissing when it comes to sex. She was scared she'd have sexual feelings when the time came to put her sweet babe at her breast. I told her that mothering is sensual, there's nothing wrong with feeling good when you nurture your child. It doesn't mean you are sexually attracted to your child or that you are just nursing for your own pleasure.

Birth is very sexual when done a certain way. For me, it was not sexual because I felt like my cervix was about to rip in half and I'd been in labor for three days, but I could see that side anyway. Many women respond well to "smoching" as the Farm ladies put it during labor. Many moan and writhe as if making love and some women do experience orgasm. That rocks.

Breastfeeding is a part of the sensual mothering experience. My child fondles my breast as she nurses, tickles me, plays peekaboo, rubs her soft tummy on mine- so it's not really sexual, but sensual. I feel nice physical feelings and have hormonal responses and have unexplainable love gushes while we nurse. It rocks and I don't feel weird about it. When you give birth naked to a sweet sticky baby and stay naked in a warm house for a week and sleep together and bathe together and dance naked in the bathtub and nurse for hours out of your day and snuggle skin to skin you are just eating the rich fruit of mothering. It's not about sex or bad or dirty, those are weird post victorian/puritanical values we need to shed. Mothering is sensual and yummy and squishy and snuggly. Mmmmmmm... Time to go to the family bed and snuggle.......


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

Before I go to bed I wanted to add that it is a part of the midwifery training I am learning to apply pressure to the clitoris if the mother asks. How to do it tactfully and in a way so that she is more comfortable with it and with asking for it. Not all women have dhs and not all women with dhs want their husband to be applying clitoral pressure, yk?


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## PurpleBasil (Jan 28, 2004)

What about pressing her own clitoris? I mean, cut out the middle man or woman and do what feels good.

Birth and breastfeeding are sexual.


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *playdoh*
What about pressing her own clitoris? I mean, cut out the middle man or woman and do what feels good.

Birth and breastfeeding are sexual.


Quote:

I am learning to apply pressure to the clitoris _if the mother asks._
Sorry, I should have also said, not all women who want clitoral pressure are able to reach their own clitoris or want to do it themselves. How about you get off my back, we seem sot agree on everything and yet you still nitpick my posts. Why?


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Certainly, I think birth and breastfeeding are sexual experiences, but (for me at least) in a very different way than intercourse. I feel sexual about it, but not _erotic._ But one of the main functions of sex is reproduction right? So the sex act itself has to do with babies.

I have not personally felt "turned on" during birth or breastfeeding, but they are both a very large part of my sexuality. I definitely connect my own sexual identity to my motherhood.

Considering the lack of erotic feeling that I have while breastfeeding, motherhood is one of the only outlets for my sexuality while nursing. :LOL

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaryLLL*
Our children don't feel sexual feelings during the nursing session? Freud introduced the idea that children are sexual beings from birth, and many toddlers/preschoolers more than love us. They often imply, they are in love with us, our breasts, and/or want to marry us when they grow up.

It's very good point, that our children also probably express their sexuality through breastfeeding.

I do want to mention that Freud's theories relating to children are very suspect. Some of the children whom he was analyzing were being abused and he diagnosed them as have Oedipus/Electra complexes. Since he convinced everyone that the sex acts they were describing were imaginary in some cases, or initiated by the children in others, these kids endured years of incest, although they were brave enough to come forth about their pain about what was happening to them. He actually made a family belive that their preschooler was seducing her grandfather. Also, he was himself sexually abused as a child, and, incidentally, addicted to drugs.

Again, I agree with your point , and I do see that Freud's validation of the sexual feeling of children is positive. It just makes me wonder why we continue to view his theories as valid when we now know that his basis of research was almost entirely false.


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganmamma*
Sorry, I should have also said, not all women who want clitoral pressure are able to reach their own clitoris or want to do it themselves. How about you get off my back, we seem sot agree on everything and yet you still nitpick my posts. Why?

I fail to see why you are offended by this?
She wasn't jumping on your back. You were jumping on hers.
I think she was trying to offer you a helpful suggestion.







:


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## DaryLLL (Aug 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim*
I do want to mention that Freud's theories relating to children are very suspect...and I do see that Freud's validation of the sexual feeling of children is positive. It just makes me wonder why we continue to view his theories as valid when we now know that his basis of research was almost entirely false.

Oh, I do not think all Freud's views are valid (Victorian prig). I only mention this in passing. I am much more of a neo-Jungian myself.

BTW, everybody realizes VM revived this thread from January '03, right?


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

I must've pushed "Last" when I m eant to push the arrow. I knew it was old but I would've sworn someone else revived it.

Mimim, my offense is working from a pattern. I'm sure I'm more sensitive to this member's responses to me. I apologize if I overreacted.


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

Sexual? Hell no.
Sensual? Yes, of course!..but not in the sexual sense. The breast isn't a sex organ, it is a mammary gland that functions to produce milk just like other mammals. But humans have tweeked the minds of other humans to see our breasts as sexual. Funny how a little bit of commercialism (and a whole lot of money and greed) can do that.

Any body part can be an erogenous zone, as DaryLLL said. That includes the breast if two lovers choose to do so. IMHO breasts, NATURAL breasts, SHOULD be seen as beautiful and desirable, but not to the sexualized extent that our society has portrayed them.

Any skin-on-skin contact is sensual, as it should be. Breastfeeding is pleasantly sensual so that mothers will continue to nurse.

Edited to add: Now I remember following this thread from a while back. I almost want to delete my post because it's been a dead horse for a while now, but I'll leave it anyway just to add my 2-cents....


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganmamma*
Mimim, my offense is working from a pattern. I'm sure I'm more sensitive to this member's responses to me. I apologize if I overreacted.

Guess I should've thought of that!
Sorry, I stuck my nose in .









And no DaryLLL, I didn't notice this thread was old. :LOL
It's great topic, though. I'm not surprised it got revived.


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## OwensMa (Apr 15, 2004)

Ugh, I could probably rant about this until my fingers cramped from typing...So I'll spare you the rambling. I do, however, want to say that I think it's just the saddest thing to see society thinking high-cut tops, low cut jeans, a little bit of T&A in public is acceptable, but the beautiful act of nursing is not acceptable. Some men, of course, might feel as if they are losing their play things. What I cannot comprehend is women who find breastfeeding disgusting. What the h*** are they thinking? They must be the same women who don't want to commit to BFing because they 'want their body back'. I HAVE heard this on a number of occasions, and it truly, tryuly saddens me. Exactly WHAT, I ask, does a child steal from its mother? Anyway, I'm veru tired, but I did want to add a few of my thoughts to this thread.


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## janellesmommy (Jun 6, 2004)

Birth for me was not sexual or pleasurable at all--it was the most intense pain I've ever felt.

I do, however, sometimes have sexual feelings during breastfeeding, but the feelings are never toward my baby, so it doesn't bother me. I find it strange that nobody else on this board has said they sometimes have sexual feelings during breastfeeding. I have a hard time believing I'm the only one.








T I'm new here, and wondering if it is frowned upon to revive an old thread? Someone mentioned it, and I wondered if there was anything wrong with it.

-- Paula


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## mother_sunshine (Nov 25, 2001)

I've heard that, after birth, the woman's uterus contracts during breastfeeding (to help bring it back to normal size?). Maybe that was what you were/are feeling? I waited for it to happen to me but I never felt it....or maybe I was too sleep-deprived to notice.

I don't think it's frowned upon to revive an old thread as long as it isn't a negative thread (or turned-negative thread) that brings back an old argument or resurfaces bad feelings. Since this thread does have an argument, although I don't think the OP intended it to be negative (despite the possible misunderstanding of the title) maybe it should be left alone so that bad feelings don't resurface....


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## veganmamma (Sep 10, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *janellesmommy*
Birth for me was not sexual or pleasurable at all--it was the most intense pain I've ever felt.

I do, however, sometimes have sexual feelings during breastfeeding, but the feelings are never toward my baby, so it doesn't bother me. I find it strange that nobody else on this board has said they sometimes have sexual feelings during breastfeeding. I have a hard time believing I'm the only one.








T I'm new here, and wondering if it is frowned upon to revive an old thread? Someone mentioned it, and I wondered if there was anything wrong with it.

-- Paula

I personally don't have sexual feelings while breastfeeding. Most likely a combination of me having very sensitive and irritable nipples and being sexually abused as a child. I know that I must have some block deep inside that is terrified I would feel anything so I nix it before even my subconsciious realizes it. That said, I bet the reason you don't see people say it more often is the fear that they will be accused of molesting their kids. YOu can I know that would be wrong, but not everyone shares that POV. Recently there were trolls on the board and one accused me of being a child molester because I had the







: smilie in my sig line. Apparently, even though simone designed it at my request to reflect my twiddling, dancing 18 month old, it is actually a representation of a mom Forcing her 7 year old to breastfeed.









I figure reviving old threads is a part of the deal that has the old threads sitll on the boards, yk?


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## velcromom (Sep 23, 2003)

I think sexuality and sensuality cannot be separated per se, but that they lie on a continuum and birthing and bfing are at different places on that continuum for different women. For me, it seems natural that there be a seamless line of feeling between sexual and sensual, in spite of our culture's desire to separate the two.

I also think that it is inaccurate to think an experience was pleasurable just because it was sexual/sensual. Our culture seems to equate anything sexual/sensual with pleasure, and I just have not found that to be the case as a rule. Birth can be very sensual *and* very painful, and I totally understand how a woman who had an orgasmic delivery can say it "wasn't in a sexual way" in the sense of orgasm during lovemaking. We can orgasm during birth and still experience the pain, and we can fail to orgasm during sex but still experience pleasure.

Clearly we cannot generalize to equate sensuality with "sexual" pleasure, but society does just that when it grimaces at a nursing toddler. They don't mind the child getting breastmilk so much as they mind the physical contact between mother and child. It is so offensive to have someone assume you are nursing your toddler to serve your own needs. Someone who has never done it cannot fathom the deep sensual bond between the mother and child without imagining perversion. I believe that bond serves a purpose and would not exist otherwise.

It has occured to me when I heard the saying that human beings are DNA's way of replicating itself, that sex is the breasts way of fulfilling its purpose!







Breasts have a vested interest in sex, so if they provide sexual stimulation, that would make sense.







They want a baby to nurse!


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