# How much is too much? *TMI*



## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

DD is 20 m/o and has been exploring her lady parts the past month or so. No big deal I know, however it's getting excessive. She rubs herself a lot and any chance the dipe is off she is touching (even as she pees (in the potty) and pees all over her and...)

She has also started trying to (and has successfully) put things up there (crayons mostly....) and she gets a hold of my car keys and touches herself with them...

I don't know what to do. I totally get touching and exploring is normal but IDK about her putting things in there! She is just a baby!

Also I take the item from her when she is doing this and now she seems to cover herself with pillows on the couch or w/e and touch herself "secretly".

And just to be clear I am 1000% sure there is no SA going on I am with her 100% of the time and no one is really around her besides DH and I.

I feel weird posting this btw


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

No need to feel weird for posting...this is all par for the course when it comes to toddlers!

Sounds to me like normal exploration, perhaps intensified if she's getting the vibe that it's "off limits"...at any rate, for my toddler, the more something is "off limits" the more she wants to explore it!

I take the approach of teaching my toddler correct anatomical names for all her parts. She's very interested in her body and can learn the names. So then I use those words to give clear, simple guidance when needed such as:

"Please don't play with your clitoris while you're going pee-pee. That makes a mess."

or

"Please don't put toys in your vagina."

Usually if I treat things in a very matter-of-fact way, her curiosity moves on. I try not to make a big deal out of her normal explorations. In fact, usually my challenge is to not start laughing!


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## Caitlin0919 (Dec 4, 2009)

My dd is 2 1/2 and she does the same thing, though I have yet to catch her putting things into her vagina. I just worry that she's going to hurt herself because her nails get so long and it's hard for me to get her to sit still long enough to clip them. If I caught her putting things into her vagina, I would probably just explain that crayons and things don't go inside her vagina and that putting things in there could make her sick. On a funnier note, she will walk around and kind of touch herself on the outside of her pants and my in-laws always think she has to pee, but she never actually does the crotch grab when she really needs to use the bathroom. When I explained to MIL that she just does that sometimes and that she must like how it feels, my MIL was horrified and started giving me tips on how to get her to stop. I just nodded and thanked her. I wasn't about to get into a discussion about my dd touching herself and how I don't see anything wrong with it. This is also from the woman who thinks dd will be traumatized if she sees the birth of her younger sibling.


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

So glad it is normal! I have never said anything to her just took away the object. I guess I just need to overcome my own battles with sexuality huh?

I do tell her that it's her vulva and her vagina etc she isn't THAT verbal yet though. She does have some big words but not a ton.


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## Anandamama (Aug 29, 2007)

I've told my DD, "please be gentle with your yoni. It is delicate and you would never want to hurt yourself.". So I tell her to be gentle with herself and never put anything inside it, and that's about all I say. Maybe if she's so curious you could get a mirror to let her take a good look at it and also let her know that it's nothing to be ashamed of. That might take some of the mystery out of it for her.


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## boomer78 (Jan 28, 2010)

Our 18-month-old dd found out about this body part just recently. Every time she gets the chance she is exploring. She hasn't put anything in yet. Kids are all about exploring. Especially about the forbidden or not so much allowed.


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## Katico (Jan 13, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CI Mama*
> 
> "Please don't put toys in your vagina."


Ohhh, the things you never imagined you'd have to say


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *CI Mama*
> 
> "Please don't play with your clitoris while you're going pee-pee. That makes a mess."
> 
> ...


Yes, this. I haven't ever heard of a little kid putting things in their vagina, but I guess it is probably in the same realm as putting things in your nose and ears. I'll admit I'm a little bit shocked though. I'm all for normal sexual exploration, but sticking a crayon in your vagina as an almost two year old is on par with sticking a rock in your nose or swallowing a quarter....not things I would allow and things that could land you at the doctor's office...with a lot of uncomfortable explaining to do, lol!


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

I only have sons, but I wanted to express a gratitude for moms like you all who use good terms to teach your daughters about their vaginas (okay, first I typed "privates," but then changed it to use the real word). My ex-SIL taught her daughter to call her vagina her "monkey," and I was kinda horrified.

I would also say this kind of exploration sounds very, very normal. I remember my son calling out from the bath, around age 3, saying "Mommy, I love my butthole. It's so squishy-wishy."


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## APToddlerMama (Oct 5, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *caedenmomma*
> 
> I only have sons, but I wanted to express a gratitude for moms like you all who use good terms to teach your daughters about their vaginas (okay, first I typed "privates," but then changed it to use the real word). My ex-SIL taught her daughter to call her vagina her "monkey," and I was kinda horrified.
> 
> I would also say this kind of exploration sounds very, very normal. I remember my son calling out from the bath, around age 3, saying "Mommy, I love my butthole. It's so squishy-wishy."


I am dying laughing! Both the monkey and the squishy butthole... I love it! I am tempted to start calling my vagina my monkey.


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## alyadri (May 5, 2011)

This too shall pass. I was horrified when my daughter started rubbing on things and touching her vagina. I knew it was a normal part of life but at the time you feel dumbfounded on what to do. It's so hard to ignore when she's grinding her way to the big "O" on her carseat. ACK. Those things aside, after I stopped making a big deal about it and quietly told her "if you want to do that, you need to go to your room." it eventually stopped.

I taught her what the parts of her body were called that way "the unknown" wasn't so unknown anymore. Also, since I'm super paranoid I felt that it would be a good idea to teach her these things so that if in case something were to ever happen (God, forbid) she would have the words to express what she needed to.

Keep your head up mama, she'll eventually learn when it is appropriate to touch and when it's not.


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## Blessed_Mom (Aug 15, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Caitlin0919*
> 
> My dd is 2 1/2 and she does the same thing, though I have yet to catch her putting things into her vagina. I just worry that she's going to hurt herself because her nails get so long and it's hard for me to get her to sit still long enough to clip them. If I caught her putting things into her vagina, I would probably just explain that crayons and things don't go inside her vagina and that putting things in there could make her sick. On a funnier note, she will walk around and kind of touch herself on the outside of her pants and my in-laws always think she has to pee, but she never actually does the crotch grab when she really needs to use the bathroom. When I explained to MIL that she just does that sometimes and that she must like how it feels, my MIL was horrified and started giving me tips on how to get her to stop. I just nodded and thanked her. I wasn't about to get into a discussion about my dd touching herself and how I don't see anything wrong with it. This is also from the woman who thinks dd will be traumatized if she sees the birth of her younger sibling.


While I am sufficiently crunchy I am of the camp that I feel "watching the birth of her younger sibling" may be a bit too much, too soon. I have seen videos of some hypnobirths where the moms were quite zen about it all but I wonder if you can really make it seem all that "non-pain-worthy". And while you may be making some normal labor grunts - she , in her childlike innocence may think you are being horribly mutilated (or in some deep pain) and that may indeed traumatize her. My 2 yr old daughter is very empathetic and will cry real tears if I fake some to show "momma has been hurt". For her - it all seems real, intense and she loves momma too much to see her in pain. Now imagine momma screaming, grunting, tearing and bleeding? Yes human labor looks far worse than it feels (to some of the women). Example - I didn't think labor was that much of a deal really. But I still grunted and screamed (to push the baby out). I vomitted and moaned and cried. I am sure my husband thought I went through a lot more than I actually did.

Since you cannot read my emotions - just to clarify, I am writing all this rather dispassionately. I am not criticizing you or your choice. I am rather curious about your viewpoint actually. Although that may be a complete thread hijack


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## h20nwine (Jun 7, 2011)

My daughter seemed to discover her clitoris at 15 months old. She was very interested at every diaper change for a couple of weeks and now seems to have moved on.

I wondered if those who have DD trying to insert things, etc. went through rubbing periods first?


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## sosurreal09 (Nov 20, 2009)

My DD has been rubbing for like a month...it was recently I founs her rubbing with objects and then realizing there was a hole there...


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## allisonrose (Oct 22, 2004)

I am a boy mama but can attest to little boys exploring as well. My son discovered his butt and explored it rather thoroughly...in front of my brother...who doesn't have kids of his own. Luckily our mom was sitting there saying "yup, little kids do that." I heard third hand that he went home with an improved attitude towards his girlfriend's 11 and 12 y/o's. lol


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## Caitlin0919 (Dec 4, 2009)

I plan on preparing her for the birth by reading books and talking about what's going to happen and about the noises I'm going to make. She's seen her birth photos quite a few times and we've already watched a few birth videos on YouTube and she actually really likes them. When one ends, she'll ask to watch another "baby movie". In one video, a little girl was rubbing her mom's shoulders while she was in labor so now she "practices" rubbing mine and she says she's going to help when it's time for the baby to come out. We plan on having my MIL or some other relative there to watch her and take her out of the room if she gets scared or bored or whatever. I want her to be there because I want her to grow up knowing that birth is normal and natural and not scary. I(and I think a lot of women in our generation) grew up thinking that birth was horrible, painful and terrifying and that there was no way to get through it without drugs. I was lucky to find resources to educate myself but so many friends of mine just don't bother to do that and they go ahead with pitocin and an epidural and most have ended up with "emergency" C-sections. I think the best way to change the way the US views birth is to raise kids who know it's not dangerous or scary if you let the body do what it's supposed to do. Imagine if an entire generation of children grew up knowing what birth is actually like and instead of fearing the birth process, they welcomed it and embraced it.


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## alyadri (May 5, 2011)

Caitlin, I feel the same way about all of this. I think preparing her before is crucial though (which it sounds like you're already doing) If my daughter would have been interested at the time of my ds's birth, I probably would have let her watch. Unfortunately, she's a softy much like the above posters daughter and I don't think she would have handled it well....Especially considering his birth was especially painful since he was OP.

I think it's one of the only ways to break the cycle of unnecessary pain medication. I was horrified when my daughter told me that babies ONLY drink from bottles. Since correcting her, she now finds it fun to nurse her baby dolls just like mommy. I keep wondering where she picks these things up. Society plays such a huge role in what our children learn to be "normal" that I jump at any chance to show her what is natural and what is not.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Caitlin0919*
> 
> I plan on preparing her for the birth by reading books and talking about what's going to happen and about the noises I'm going to make. She's seen her birth photos quite a few times and we've already watched a few birth videos on YouTube and she actually really likes them. When one ends, she'll ask to watch another "baby movie". In one video, a little girl was rubbing her mom's shoulders while she was in labor so now she "practices" rubbing mine and she says she's going to help when it's time for the baby to come out. We plan on having my MIL or some other relative there to watch her and take her out of the room if she gets scared or bored or whatever. I want her to be there because I want her to grow up knowing that birth is normal and natural and not scary. I(and I think a lot of women in our generation) grew up thinking that birth was horrible, painful and terrifying and that there was no way to get through it without drugs. I was lucky to find resources to educate myself but so many friends of mine just don't bother to do that and they go ahead with pitocin and an epidural and most have ended up with "emergency" C-sections. I think the best way to change the way the US views birth is to raise kids who know it's not dangerous or scary if you let the body do what it's supposed to do. Imagine if an entire generation of children grew up knowing what birth is actually like and instead of fearing the birth process, they welcomed it and embraced it.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *APToddlerMama*
> 
> Yes, this. I haven't ever heard of a little kid putting things in their vagina, but I guess it is probably in the same realm as putting things in your nose and ears. I'll admit I'm a little bit shocked though. I'm all for normal sexual exploration, but sticking a crayon in your vagina as an almost two year old is on par with sticking a rock in your nose or swallowing a quarter....not things I would allow and things that could land you at the doctor's office...with a lot of uncomfortable explaining to do, lol!


My then two year old once put a whole clove of garlic, including rough "skin" covering it, up her nose. When the garlic came out, part of the skin remained behind. It was WAY up there, and I was terrified. I got it out with tweezers. I did contemplate going to the doctor, but I figured he would have to do it with tweezers too.

She also went through the "exploration" stage with her lady parts. She even did it in the park a couple times. My son stuck things up his bum a few times, including hair clips. It sounds really weird, but it seems like most toddlers do things like that. The cure is explaining why sticking items in those places is dangerous, and keeping an eye on them at all times! As far as exploration goes, they can do that in private when I'm not looking.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

my dd likes to put objects up against it, like a toy hammer. i kind of treat it like i would if she were putting it in her ear or nose. like, i tell her that's dangerous. she's too little for longer explanations, though. she hasn't tried to put anything in there exactly, but she's uncomfortably close. sigh. i know it's normal, but i always thought that kids did more touching themselves and less object related activities.


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