# My 3 year old is terrified of getting his hair washed!



## boogiebearlove (Jul 10, 2008)

I need some advice! My 3 year old son is terrified of getting his hair washed - I think it's just water on his head in general. He's been like this for about a year and a half, and it just keeps getting worse. We try to wash his hair as infrequently as possible (like once a week since it's short and he doens't play outside much due to the weather), so that we don't have to endure the fight very often. He cries and cries like we're torturing him. My husband has a bit more patience than I, and he'll get in the tub with our son and washed his hair in a very calculated, slow manner so that water doesn't get on his face, but he still cries a bit. In the event that I wash his hair, no amount of consoling can stop his cries. I have no idea how to address this! How can I help him with this fear?


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## fireweed (Nov 27, 2007)

Maybe use a dry shampoo for now? And maybe whenever he takes a bath, gently pour water down the back of his head, so he gets more comfortable with that without the fear of soap in his eyes etc.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I dont know if there is anything else besides the hair wash thing that may lead you to think this, but could it be sensory related? my son hates this too. so does my daughter though, but not like my son who FREAKS out. We do the same, wash as infrequently as possible. i keep telling him, more so for my sanity then his, that we have to stay clean to stay healthy, and washing our hair is one way to stay clean. it doesnt stop the cries, but it makes me feel better. I also tell my son beforehand too. Like "today we don't have to wash your hair, but tomorrow we will to keep it clean so we can be healthy" and then the bath the next day I will say "today we do have to wash your hair. but I will wipe your eyes when I am done." (wiping his eyes afterward helps him... it helped me when I was a kid too. Soon, our kids will be old enough to tilt their heads back, which I think will help a lot. in the meantime I dont have any other advice to give just wanted to let you know you are not alone... its very stressful.


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## sophiesgrandma (Jun 22, 2006)

I always did this for my kids and it worked very well. I took a washcloth and wet it and then wrung it out really well. I folded it neatly into a triangle and placed it over the child's eyes and had the child hold it in place. I explained to the child that this would keep the water and shampoo out. Then I had the child bed his/her head forward. (she/he is sitting in bathtub) and poured water over the head. Appled shampoo and washed and then poured water over the head until rinsed.


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## Rivka5 (Jul 13, 2005)

My 3.5-year-old HATES having her hair washed too. Here's what helps keep things at least tolerable:

- Silicone earplugs.
- Letting her hold a dry folded face towel over her face.
- Distraction games, like paddling her arms at various speeds while I wet/rinse her hair.


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## stormborn (Dec 8, 2001)

We always used a swim mask for dd...her thing was hating the feeling of water running over her eyes.


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## dpoupore (May 14, 2008)

here's an article on playlistening. this approach has helped us get through (get over) feelings and fears. perhaps it will apply?
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/c...000/000024.htm


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## hizey (Apr 27, 2007)

My son despised getting his hair washed for a very long time. I finally realized it wasn't the washing the hair part, but the inevitable getting water in the eyes part. I found these visors designed to wear in the bath. It shields the eyes, keeps him from getting that gasping for air, overwhelmed by the water feeling, and hair washing has been a breeze ever since. Good luck.

michelle


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

My DD , at about 22 months, hated getting her hair washed. We tried keeping her face dry, but it just didn't help. So we just stopped wetting her head till she got over it. After a few weeks her hair started looking cleaner on it's own. You couldn't tell we weren't washing her hair, it looked and smelled fine. After about 4 months she started getting her hair slightly wet while bathing, then began taking showers again after a couple more months. Now at 38 months, she still doesn't care for shampoo, but rinsing her hair really well seems to be enough.


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## tireesix (Apr 27, 2006)

I could have written the exact same post about DD2.

I have found that letting her sit in the bath whith her head tipped back so I can pour water over her hair has worked (she hates water on her ears or near her eyes) and then I just use a spray and leave in conditioner.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

If you don't use shampoo and just wet his hair it will go much faster. My son was like this and we didn't use shampoo until he got over it at 4. A fast soaking of the hair did the trick, his hair never looked dirty.


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

We got these for DD and they worked great. BUT, for some reason, DD recently started refusing them. She's 2 so I can't really reason with her about why she should wear it. So now we're back to hair washing being traumatic.


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## fritz (Nov 9, 2005)

All I've ever done for my 3.5 yo DS is wet a washcloth, wring it out so it's no longer dripping, and rub the washcloth over his hair (sort of like a brisk massage). We do that during his once a week bath. Try it for a while to give your son a break from having his head soaked.


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## Mama_Michelle (Mar 15, 2006)

My just turned 3 yr old DD2 has hated getting her hair washed for about 6 months. And it seems to have gotten worse. We don't wash her hair often, just get it wet in the tub and it never looks dirty. I was really surprised. Lately I have snuggled her in the tub while DH does the washing. The comfort seemed to help.

I think I will see if the visor works for her. I am willing to try anything...I hate seeing her get so upset.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Quote:

I took a washcloth and wet it and then wrung it out really well. I folded it neatly into a triangle and placed it over the child's eyes and had the child hold it in place.
We did this with all 3 of my kids. Only 1 had a real problem with it, but she hated having her hair combed, touched anything. she also has really tight curls.

we had them lean their heads back. It kept 99% of the water/soap out of their eyes. We would have baths that didn't involve hair washing, sometimes just wetting it.

once they learn to tip their heads backwards & not flip it forwards if something comes near their eyes they get over the fear alot faster.


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## Rsmom (Sep 26, 2008)

Swim goggles worked for us! Plus she looks so cute in them.


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## boogiebearlove (Jul 10, 2008)

You guys gave me some great tips! I'll start trying some of these ideas and come back in a couple of weeks and post the results








Thanks!


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## LuxPerpetua (Dec 17, 2003)

DD used to be this way and then she broke her foot, which was a blessing in disguise because we got to experiment with ways to wash her hair outside of a bath environment (she was casted for a month). We bought some No Rinse shampoo from CVS and it worked great. I would put her on our sofa and put on a DVD (this was a real treat for her because we don't watch TV at all). I would wrap a towel around her and then wet her hair with the shampoo. Although it is 'no rinse' I think you still need to rinse it a little, so I would get a bowl of water and dip the back of her hair in water and then get a hairbrush and dip the brush in water and stroke it through her hair to get the rest rinsed. I would spray some detangler in her hair afterward because the No Rinse shampoo can be kind of drying. We did that for the month that she was in her cast and we still use the NR shampoo now (but we do it in the bath now, still rinsing it the same way as before). I would try washing his hair in a context outside of his bath and while he's distracted (like playing on the computer or watching a DVD or having someone read to him). Perhaps do that for a few weeks and then gradually transition into washing his hair in the tub again but using a NR shampoo and a brush for rinsing. It worked great for dd.

Just a tip: If you do use NR shampoo, it can be cold straight from the bottle so place the bottle in some warm water for 5 minutes beforehand to warm it up. It feels much better that way.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

My dd is almost 6 and we haven't washed her hair for years other than her dunking it in the bath or under the shower. Dd is 2 and we have never washed her hair either. A friend has a 6yo with bad eczema and he has never had his hair washed either.

I clean my hair with bicarbonate of soda and am washing it less and less frequently as time goes on. Stop washing and you may be surprised that it makes very little difference to the hair and all the difference to the stress of bathing.


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## kolleen9 (May 27, 2006)

I used to have my son lay back in the tub and I did a quick wash, but he was able to have his eyes open and his mouth yapping.

Have you considered dry washing or using a cheesecloth in a brush?

-K


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## pranamama (Nov 6, 2002)

maybe you could get a really short cut and just wipe it down with a wet washcloth. I have all girls so I am not sure if that would work or not.

How would he like swim lessons?


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

I agree with orangefoot about trying an alternative method of haircare. If he's afraid of getting shampoo in his eyes, skip it! DH doesn't use shampoo, and his hair has thickened up considerably since he went water-only. I was WO for over a year too, but have recently switched to a baking soda/ACV routine. Kids' hair doesn't get greasy that fast. Of course, if he routinely rubs avocado or spaghetti sauce you may need something a bit more cleansing than water. There are still some gentle options, though - honey is a good cleanser.

With WO you can also decrease the frequency of washings. Don't wash it because you feel you should; just wash it when it needs washing, and you may be surprised how little it needs it (again, dependent on avocado-mashing).

When you do wash, I rmember the washcloth-over-the-eyes trick consoling me when I was younger (and hated having water in my eyes). You can also get special big-brimmed crownless hat gizmos for the purpose. Or swim goggles.

Would he be any happier about having his hair washed in a swimming pool or under the sprinkler? With water guns? Is he freaky about water on his face in general, or only during hairwashing?

Hmm, just thinking back to my childhood... I always hated it when Mum would scrub at my head. It jerked my neck. And the water-in-the-eyes thing, definitely. And the water being too hot or too cold. I guess it was largely a sensory thing? I hated having my hair brushed too. Now I love to feel the play of water on my scalp and a good boar bristle brush against my scalp, but back then it was just too much. Poor Mum was in a hurry, too, and never managed to be gentle enough for my tender head.

In other words, I sympathise with your little guy!







Hope you work something out.


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## Mirrormonkey (Jan 6, 2009)

MY son hates it too! My neighbour asked one day if everything was ok, he had heard the screaming through our bathroom window! My problem is I start to laugh hysterically when he screams like that, I think it is almost a nervous reaction.

We now only wash his hair when needed, but he has incredibly thick hair that is beatles type long and I have to condition it so I can brush it out(I use a leave in).


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## NicaG (Jun 16, 2006)

My 3.5 year old screams bloody murder and freaks out when I try to wash my hair. I was down to washing it about once a week because I couldn't handle the screaming anymore. I felt like crying every time I had to do it. My dh had to restrain him so ds wouldn't slip and crack his skull in the tub while tantruming. It was really bad. We tried the washcloth over the eyes thing--didn't work for us. Then I got this: http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/...mSource=Search

Now he doesn't cry at all anymore. It actually does keep all the water and soap out of his eyes. Order one! It will save you so much misery!


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## boogiebearlove (Jul 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kolleen9* 
I used to have my son lay back in the tub and I did a quick wash, but he was able to have his eyes open and his mouth yapping.

Have you considered dry washing or using a cheesecloth in a brush?

-K

I don't have the slightest idea what a cheesecloth in a brush is!


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## boogiebearlove (Jul 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pranamama* 

How would he like swim lessons?

This is one of my concerns. I'm worried this is going to affect him in the next year or so when we try to start swim lessons. I'm afraid he'll be afraid to go swimming!


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I would just do it as fast as I could and be done with it, if nothing else works.


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## flowers (Apr 8, 2004)

We have the same issue with our ds1 who is now 4. I finally gave it up and his hair has not been washed with shampoo in a little over the year. Ironically he has gorgeous, gorgeous red, longer hair and gets complimented on it. What I will do every once in a while is use a safe bubble bath that (in my head makes the water more soapy) and then slowly convince him to get his hair a little wet.

But honestly, it's not as big deal as I thought it was when he started boycotting back when he was less than two.


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## pranamama (Nov 6, 2002)

my children didn't see them as the same, swimming was fun, washing hair in tub wasn't.... maybe just leave the shampoo at home in the beginning.


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pranamama* 
my children didn't see them as the same, swimming was fun, washing hair in tub wasn't.... maybe just leave the shampoo at home in the beginning.

Yeah, same here. DD loves swimming. I mean, she's 2 so she doesn't really swim per se, but the water in the pool doesn't seem to bother her in the slightest, even if it gets on her face and hair.


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