# Why does she laugh at me?



## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

When I express disapproval to my dd, she often laughs, or gives me this big fake smile. I've tried to ignore it, my dh says, "It's not funny!" and neither of our responses seem to have an effect.

For example, we have chicks under a heat lamp in our basement, and she is obsessed with them. This morning she put on a sundress, in spite of the rainy cold weather, and immediately started to run downstairs. I told her to come back and put on her slippers and sweater first, and she totally ignored me. So I took the sweater and slippers downstairs and while I was putting them on I told her I expected her to listen to me and come back when I told her to come back, etc. She just smiled and laughed her little fake laugh. Is this normal? Or am I just particularly comical?


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

I think toddler/young child humor often involves a sense of mischief at their own misdeeds. I wouldn't read anything into it







.

If you think about it, a discussion about jackets and slippers and what-one-ought-or ought-not-do is pretty dry stuff for a 3 yo. And what she did is pretty small potatos in terms of misbehaving. I'd probably be tempted to tease and tickle and laugh with dd while I suited her up on the stairs. It seems as though if I make light of the little stuff she tends to pay a lot more attention to me when I seriously ask something from her later on.


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## Dal (Feb 26, 2005)

Some people laugh and have fake-looking smiles when they are very uncomfortable.

My mother was acting out in a huge way at a birthday dinner that was held for her. It was her 50th birthday and she felt that we should have gone all out and done something more to celebrate it with her. I have a sister who is very shy and sensitive. Her and my grandma, who has a similar temperament, responded to my mom's rudeness by looking at each other and giggling/smiling. This really upset my mom -- she thought that this further indicated that no one cares about her -- but it was clear to me that they were just intensely uncomfortable with the situation. The same sister tends to go all out for various family events -- she had given my father a surprise birthday when he turned 50. Given this, she was probably also feeling somewhat guilty and ashamed for not doing more, and I'm sure there was some annoyance in there too that no one else in the family took the initiative given that we all know that my mom thinks these things are very important.

Could that have anything to do with her response?


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

I think young children will also laugh or smile in an attempt to repair the relationship and make things right again. They have no understanding that they are being rude or disrespecting your feelings.


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Quote:

Is this normal?
Yeah, pretty normal. Has a lot to do w/temperament, IME. Those chicks sound really, really cool, btw. I get frequently get ignored by my dc, which while frustrating, isn't a reflection on my mothering skills. Or, at least I keep telling myself that









Quote:

Or am I just particularly comical?








You answered your own question


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *georgia* 







You answered your own question









Thanks a lot! And you couldn't even see my hair this morning!









This is an interesting variety of responses. Blessed, I agree it wasn't such a big deal, but she also does it when I'm telling her she shouldn't hit, or something more serious. Dal, I think you might be right that she's kind of trying to make the situation more comfortable. I don't know if that's bad or good. I'm definitely glad she's feeling some discomfort after hurting her brother, that's a good sign, right? But am I too harsh? Am I shaming her? I really try not to.

And yes, Georgia, I know the chicks are incredibly irresistable. I can hardly resist them myself, they're so cute.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *natensarah* 
When I express disapproval to my dd, she often laughs, or gives me this big fake smile. I've tried to ignore it, my dh says, "It's not funny!" and neither of our responses seem to have an effect.

This could be the same thing as why ds would laugh when he hurt me. I think it made him uncomfortable, and that was the best way he could deal with it (I likened it to uncomfortable laughing from adults in awkward situations). And I think he *wished* that his action didn't have the effect it had- he wanted to be able to hit me, and have it not hurt me. Or something.
That's my guess.


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## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

i think some people do this as a stress reaction, it is a way of minimilising things and making the situation into a funny one not an upsetting one. if they can tell themselves that it is a joke and you couldnt possibly be really cross it makes things not so upsetting for them. my ds2 does this, as he just cannot get his head around the idea that i could ever really be cross with him or think that he is anything other than completely perfect!







:


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

about the jacket. dont insist on it. it is actually a good sign she is doing what she is doing as she is asserting her own mind. let her learn thru her own mistakes. i have never ever asked my dd to put on her jacket. given her the warning but never insisted on it. i would take it with me and sure enough a few minutes later she would ask for it. the result - when she was older and i just reminded her she would always put on her jacket. same thing here with shoes.

*grin* she put on a sundress in the cold. do u know how many children i have seen in teh mall in the hight of summer with stockings and snow boots on?!!!


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Thanks for all your input!

I'm going to assume that her nervous laugh is a sign of healthily developing conscience, then, and not just her turning into a psychopath. And I think I'll continue to ignore it.

I just hope that she's not doing it because she's feeling overly shamed by my displeasure or that she's afraid to express negative emotions such as shame or anger at my displeasure. I'd rather be comical to her than that.


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