# long! cosleeping toddler wakeful, sleepless mama is desperate



## Skim (Jan 2, 2004)

I don't usually post in the nighttime parenting-related forum, but I am so out of my league with dd2 and her lack of sleep that I needed to post here to see if anyone has some perspective to help me understand her needs.

My second daughter is just an intense little person. She is very easily stimulated, physically and emotionally sensitive, picky about foods, a light sleeper, frequent day- and night-time nurser, mentally busy, carried a lot, high needs. She is very verbal, and tells me when she's hungry or thirsty, when she wants to nurse, etc. She is almost 18 months old. She and I cosleep, with dp and dd1 in the other bed next to ours.

In the last couple of months she has begun waking at night crying that she is hungry. I will nurse her as much as possible, and occasionally this will put her back to sleep for a while. But mostly I have to get out of bed and go downstairs to offer her food because of her loud sad crying to eat ("ahhh-meeee!!!"). OK, no problem - she's hungry, I feed her. Well... she won't eat when we get out of bed. Often it seems to me that she is too tired to eat, but will stay awake for two or more hours once downstairs, snacking very lightly (one bunny cracker, or one bite of yogurt, or one spoon full of dal, one sip of water, etc.), then playing until she is too exhausted to stay awake any longer and come to me to sleep when she's about ready to fall over from being so tired. And of course then I'm a wreck from lack of sleep.

And most nights she won't sleep until 10:00 or later (one night it was 2:00!).

Difficulty getting her to sleep when tired is nothing new. She has had a difficult time winding down from the day since she was a few months old; turning off the world in order to sleep is just not as fun as being awake. She prefers to be awake most of the time. Her nap times are anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours, but mostly 45 minutes once a day.

During the day I always offer food every hour or so, and at meal times. She may or may not eat, even when hungry. She will not eat high-fat, slow-burning foods, with few exceptions. I trust her to eat when hungry, but she just doesn't and then wakes me up to feed her in the wee hours and then won't eat! Her not eating cycle and the sleep deprivation are driving me crazy.

She and I have gotten sick during this time because of our relative lack of sleep, and I need some ideas to help her sleep better so we can stay healthy and rebuild our immune systems. And so I can be a better mama to my other dd too.

We do have a simple nighttime routine of eating, bathing, getting on PJs. Mostly, I feel her behaviors are related to developmental stuff - she's still due for some more teeth before the 2 year molars, she's learning to walk, and she's really improving her words.

But how the heck can I get some more sleep? There is no way I'll wean her at night, we need to sleep together (dd1 needs one of us in bed with her), so I can't bring food in to the bedroom to feed dd2 without waking everyone else. We don't have another bedroom or a couch, so I can't sleep somewhere else.

Thank you for reading this tome. I wouldn't ask you to do it if I wasn't desperate.


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## AugustineM (Mar 21, 2005)

I think you have two options. 1. You can roll with it, hoping it gets better soon. 2. You can implement a drastic change, which will probably be extremely difficult for a while, but has the potential to change the pattern.

After DD was born my DS, then 21 months, was refusing to go to bed until 10 or 11 pm. WAY too late for him considering he wakes at 6:30 or 7 no matter what time he's gone to sleep. He'd basically nurse in bed, then hop up and run around and want to play for another several hours. We went with it for a while, then realized it was detrimental to all of us. Finally I implemented a more steadfast approach. AFter nursing I turned the light off, blocked the door with some books, and laid down in his bed. I kept repeating "night night time" and that was it. He cried for a while the first couple days, but eventually would come and snuggle me, and I'd nurse him a little more, and he'd fall right alseep. After a week it was so much better, and he was so much happier and more rested. I don't know if you have a way to do something like that, but it might work, if you did.

It seems to me, if she's not eating much when she asks for it, she's probably not hungry. She may have figured out that if she asks/cries for food at night that you'll get her out of bed. You could try bringing something very quiet and easy to eat to bed with you and offer that to her when she wakes. I can't think of what it might be... cheese? But that would make her teeth yucky...

Oh, and what time is she waking up in the morning? Does she seem sleep deprived (cranky, whiney, etc.) during the day?

I don't know... I hope that you find an answer soon. It's hard to go on like that!


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## Skim (Jan 2, 2004)

Thank you for your post.

I am willing to consider drastic change, since none of us are very happy with the current situation, but the change must accommodate her need to nurse at night and the rest of the family's right to sleep as well.

So.

She wakes up at different times - later when she goes to be ultra late, earlier when she goes to be around 9:00. Last night, she went to be around 9pm, woke twice before 12:00 to nurse, slept restlessly nursing frequently from 12:00-5:00 when I was in bed with her, then begged to eat at 5:00. I don't really sleep well until she sleeps, so I didn't fall asleep until 2:30. So we went down to eat a snack, but she wasn't really interested in food. Then we ended up sitting in the poof chair (like a bean bag), covered in a blanket, nursing and dozing from 5:00 until the rest of the family got up, around 8.

Another night she went to bed around 11, slept soundly until 12:30, woke at 2:15 to eat. After going to eat and coming back to bed at 4:00 to sleep, she woke up at 7:30.







:

I know she is tired, but she's not terribly cranky, just more demanding of my time. I've got to play with her directly all day when she's tired, which is hard for dd1.

I would really like to halt mid-night feeding. I guess I'm just trying to find a way that respects her request to eat without waking everyone in the process. I could set up camp in another room with camp mats and bags for a week to see if that works. But I admit it's hard to tell my skinny toddler no to food requests, even if I logically understand that she's not eating anyway.







Plus she has a hair trigger yelling and shrieking response, so that complicates things in our tiny duplex.

Ugh. I guess I just suggested a way for myself, no?

Thanks again for reading my big ol' post!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AugustineM* 
I think you have two options. 1. You can roll with it, hoping it gets better soon. 2. You can implement a drastic change, which will probably be extremely difficult for a while, but has the potential to change the pattern.

After DD was born my DS, then 21 months, was refusing to go to bed until 10 or 11 pm. WAY too late for him considering he wakes at 6:30 or 7 no matter what time he's gone to sleep. He'd basically nurse in bed, then hop up and run around and want to play for another several hours. We went with it for a while, then realized it was detrimental to all of us. Finally I implemented a more steadfast approach. AFter nursing I turned the light off, blocked the door with some books, and laid down in his bed. I kept repeating "night night time" and that was it. He cried for a while the first couple days, but eventually would come and snuggle me, and I'd nurse him a little more, and he'd fall right alseep. After a week it was so much better, and he was so much happier and more rested. I don't know if you have a way to do something like that, but it might work, if you did.

It seems to me, if she's not eating much when she asks for it, she's probably not hungry. She may have figured out that if she asks/cries for food at night that you'll get her out of bed. You could try bringing something very quiet and easy to eat to bed with you and offer that to her when she wakes. I can't think of what it might be... cheese? But that would make her teeth yucky...

Oh, and what time is she waking up in the morning? Does she seem sleep deprived (cranky, whiney, etc.) during the day?

I don't know... I hope that you find an answer soon. It's hard to go on like that!


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