# sticker incentive charts



## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

what do you think of this:
I made a chart with things like "respect" (I did not yell; I did not hit; I said nice things; I cooperated, etc.) and "bedtime" (I brushed my teeth, etc.) and made a copy for all of us - mommy, daddy, and ds. They are all plastered on the bedroom door. Every day we all get stickers for the same categories, if we earned them. DS loves that we are all doing this, and is starting to make connections between all of our behavior - like, he yelled at me when I got frustrated (and wouldn't get out of bed to play) bc daddy woke me up early after a terrible night of insomnia, and so we all lost stickers. When we went over why who got or didn't get what stickers, it made a lot of sense to him. Also, I let him decide who gets what stickers, and he's always spot-on as to what we all have earned. It's showing me that he really does get what is expected of all of us. And, he's starting to remind us all how to be respectful and take care of ourselves and each other.


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## kofduke (Dec 24, 2002)

TBH, I've always thought they were a little odd when I see them in Aaron's friends houses. But we use them in my elem. school and they are great for the children who need some redirection with their behavior.

But I love, love, love that you are all doing it together. The charts we use in my school the children work towards a reward (usually a sticker in their sticker book). Do you think you could work towards something together as a family, like a special day out or a treat if you all earn a certain number of stickers? That would really demonstrate responsibility and working together.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

I had always been wary of using sticker charts, token systems or other external rewards, but we did end up using a sticker chart for 3 weeks once after dd had already mastered the potty, but started having accidents because she just didn't feel like interrupting her fun to go to the bathroom. We just had a chart with all the days of the week, and let her put a sticker on the paper every time she went to the bathroom. The accidents stopped from the _1st day_.

I like the way you're doing your stickers too. I think that they _can_ send the message to kids that they have to clean their room (be respectful, brush their teeth, take care of the pets) so they can "get another sticker", but it's important that kids know that the sticker is a _reminder_ - not a reward. As long as you're talking about the reasons behind the stickers - to help instill some real understanding of what _everyone_ in the family needs to do - it sounds like it will work well.


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

If they are helping him to understand the family expectations and to live by them than I think that they are a great idea. It sounds like you are doing the charts in a loving and respectful way that he enjoys and that helps him see that all family members are expected to behave a certain way not just him.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I've also always been a bit wary of sticker charts, but after a particularly bad day the other day (and after seeing similar charts in a friend's home) I decided to give it a try. The stickers go on the charts to mark progress, and I've even drawn "x"s in spots where any one of us has completely missed the task. He enjoys putting the stickers on the charts, but I think for him it really is more about documenting his understanding and application of socially responsible and "good" behavior (and he expects us - me and dad - to measure up and reminds us when we start to slip







). I'm really happy with the results.

I love the idea of the whole family celebrating a week of achievement by doing something fun together. This weekend we might go on a field trip to see maple syrup production


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

What age are your kids for those who do sticker charts?

How did you go about introducing the chart?

And how do you handle the "more more more" attitude to stickers even once you are done with the chart and the stickers?








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## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kamilla626* 

I like the way you're doing your stickers too. I think that they _can_ send the message to kids that they have to clean their room (be respectful, brush their teeth, take care of the pets) so they can "get another sticker", but it's important that kids know *that the sticker is a reminder - not a reward.* As long as you're talking about the reasons behind the stickers - to help instill some real understanding of what _everyone_ in the family needs to do - it sounds like it will work well.

Yeah, especially the bolded part. We write stuff on the dry-eraze board and the "stuff" that gets done gets erazed, so I guess it serves simlar purpose.

And I like that the whole family is involved and it sounds like you guys are having fun doing it - so why not?


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

We had a reward system for my DD. She was having constant (hourly!) tantrums.

It worked, even though we no longer do it. It even carried over to her school (the positive outcome). She still has tantrums sometimes, but not at ALL to the same extent that she used to. Our rule was that she could cry/complain/etc. but not yell or scream at us.

I was worried she would keep expecting rewards after we did it, but honestly, she has never mentioned it. It was almost like the tantrums were a habit, and the reward system helped her break it.

It's funny you said your chart is for all of you, because I'd report to my DH . . ."NONE of us had a tantrum today, not even me!"


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## purposefulmother (Feb 28, 2007)

We never did/won't be doing the sticker charts or things like that. We don't really believe in it because it seems like bribing children for how you want them to behave rather than letting them internalize the behavior... like in the grocery store saying, "If you're good, you can get something from the dollar spot." With my older kids when they seemed to be on the verge of having a meltdown, we would take them out of the situation and redirect to a peaceful activity or sit with them as they cooled down, then go back. I really believe that if you can intervene with littler ones before things escalate, you won't really need the external reward of stickers, etc.


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## Roar (May 30, 2006)

For me this is all about the tone and intention. If the idea is be good and you get rewards or you weren't good you don't get the reward, then it is ick.

If the idea is let's learn to spot patterns of behavior and find ways to encourage each other, than that's something different. I'd like to see incorporated into this efforts to encourage each other "it looks like Daddy had a hard day, let's make an extra effort to encourage him tomorrow" and that sort of thing. Also, I would go out of my way to try to positively acknowledge times when negative emotions were there but were handled in a positive way. "I appreciated it when you told me you were angry" and that sort of thing. Some kids get in the always must be good frame of mind and you want to avoid that.

I think many of us have found in one way or another setting personal goals and keeping track of is helpful - some folks like New Year's Resolutions, or goals of the month or whatever. To me this seems like a version of this.


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## nonconformnmom (May 24, 2005)

I am not a fan of sticker charts, but resorted to using one about two months ago when nothing else I had tried worked with my 4.5 year old. It worked wonderfully! and she enjoyed it.

We used the chart for one series of 10 days and then stopped using it. 2 months later she is still in the habit of the requested behavior (waking us up gently and quietly when she has to go pee during the night, instead of screaming, crying, and being loud and alarming about it). She has never asked about the stickers again, but she continues to wake us up gently.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

UP, a friend of mine is using them the way you are. No end reward, sticker charts for everybody. It's helped family communication alot. I think they all wanted a more concrete way to talk about things and way to de-escalate. Everyone gets their own stickers, no one is "giving" them out.

They like it for the reasons your family's enjoying it.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

I really like how everybody in your family has a chart... not just the kids... as I think that reminds them that we all have things we need to work on/do.

I've only done one sticker chart...and actually it turned out to be a color-in-the-star chart vs. stickers because I couldn't find any stickers I liked at the drugstore.







My DS was transitioning to underwear... and was doing pretty good with it, but would often delay going to the potty until it was too late. So, as he loved Thomas the Tank Engine... we told him each day he kept his underwear dry he could color in a star. At one end of the chart was Gordon (his favorite engine) and the other was James (train he wanted to buy). After 10 stars, we went to the store to buy him James. He loved the chart... especially coloring in the stars.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purposefulmother* 
We never did/won't be doing the sticker charts or things like that. We don't really believe in it because it seems like bribing children for how you want them to behave rather than letting them internalize the behavior...

I would have agreed with you 100% a few months ago. In theory, I am still against them. However, I felt like I tried just about everything else and was getting to the point of not enjoying my daughter . . .







I figured the reward system DH suggested couldn't be worse than that.

So, like with so many parenting issues, I again ate my humble pie!


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

I'm thinking of moving to a coloring chart or dry erase chart (altho I hate the smell of those markers!) - these are good ideas posted here. Because stickers are expensive and ds doesn't care about stickers as much as documenting our progress, which is what this is all about, really. We've never discussed a "reward" for accomplishment; I think just his feeling of accomplishment is good enough for him (altho I know we are going on a field trip this weekend, anyway







which he actually doesn't know about, yet; we would have gone either way, bc the weather is supposed to be nice, so I guess that is neither here nor there).

Also, our priorities are changing, so our charts might change at the end of this week. We need different categories, so I guess the charts will grow with us from week to week. We made them with markers on 8-1/2x11 paper, and copied them on our printer/fax. So, we can make more that are tailored to next week's needs.

I kinda wonder if this would have helped us a year or two ago, when we were having much greater issues. DS is really so well behaved. We're just trying to manage things like anger issues and personal grooming. (DH and I usually always get stickers for grooming







)


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I was also pretty against them until I was out of choices. DS was having terrible tantrums getting ready for school. We discussed it over and over with him to make sure there were no school issues and we even discussed it with his teachers. He finally admitted the reason he didn't want to go to school was because he liked his toys at home better. So we did a lot of talking but nothing worked. The tantrums continued, which put everyone in a terrible mood in the morning.

I resorted to a star chart where he got a star every time he completed one task in the morning towards getting ready for school (and don't flame me, but I offered an incentive). We used it for 3 weeks and decided that he really did love school.

The stress of the mornings was really awful for him and now he is so happy to be going to school so I am so glad I did the chart.


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## UrbanPlanter (Nov 14, 2003)

yeah, the mornings have been a biggie for us, too.
ds also says he just wants "to stay home and play with my toys" which I wish I could do but now dh and I both have to work


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