# Neighbor touched my son's penis (3yo)



## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

We have many little boys in our neighborhood, who play together outside nearly every day.

Our backyard is right up against next door neighbor's backyard. They have boys also, the oldest is 8yo.

Today I was cooking, and my DH was outside with our 3 boys, pushing the baby on swing and keeping an eye on the others. Next door neighbor's 3 boys were outside, along with 2 more boys from down the street. When he didn't see DS(3) for a little bit, he went to check on him. He was in next door neighbor's yard where they were all playing, on other side of the garage (where DS could not see them from our yard) with 8yo and 5yo boys. He told me they had pants pulled down, and thought they were being silly/mooning each other. (My 2 boys have done this occasionally to each other - showing their butts trying to be funny. We have talked repeatedly about privacy and why this is not appropriate.) But when DH told me what he saw, I thought that's what they must have been doing, and we agreed to keep a close eye on them and I figured I would mention it to other parents so they could do the same.

But then DS(3) was inside later, and I asked him about it. I was not prepared at all for what he said. He told me that the 8yo had told him to pull his pants down so he could touch DS's penis. I remained calm and knew to be very careful, as I did not want him to think I was mad at him or he was in trouble. So I asked him what happened next, and he said 8yo touched his penis. I asked who else was there, he said 5yo (neighbor from down teh street) and that 8yo did the same thing to him - told him to pull pants down and touched his penis. I asked if anyone else was there and he said no. I asked if this had happened before, or only today. He said only today. I told him that if he ever asks him to do that again, he should say no and come tell me or an adult right away, that it was not ok for 8yo to do that, nobody is allowed to touch you, you are not in trouble, etc. etc. He did not seem upset about it but my heart was racing.

I went outside and told DH, who was shocked. He saw the 5yo's dad coming down the sidewalk and went to talk to him about it. He then got his sons and went home, and then came back. He told us that the 5yo told him the exact same thing my 3yo told me. He also said he saw the 8yo's grandpa outside on his way back and told him what happened - he said he "would take care of it". (The boys and their mom live with her parents.)

So of course I talked to my 6yo and asked if he saw anything, or ever heard anyone telling another kid to pull pants down or anything like that, he said no. I believe him, I'm pretty sure he would tell me.

So, aside from NOT letting my sons be out of my sight with this child again - what do I do? Just to clarify - 8yo is a good kid, he is nice, gentle with the baby, etc. I am concerned about him, as I'm sure his mother will be.

Do I talk to his mother myself? Even though the other dad told his grandpa - I want to make sure the whole story gets to his mom so she is aware of this. I have not seen her since it happened this afternoon, though I have had small talk with the grandparents over the fence. The 8yo has not been outside playing the rest of the day.

I am just really sick over this  I've read the Gavin Debecker books, I've always been sure to teach my kids that their bodies belong to them, it's ok to say NO to anyone, etc. I also know my boys look up to 8yo  And of course my first priority is protecting them. School is out next week and they will all be outside playing every day. I'm having a hard time thinking straight about this, so I was hoping to hear some input from you other mamas.  Thanks.


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## erigeron (Oct 29, 2010)

I am concerned the 8 yo is being abused and that is where he came up with the idea to do this.

Some amount of sex play between children fairly close in age is considered developmentally normal... but this sounds off to me. All the boys pulling down their pants together and giggling sounds more like what I'd expect. And 8 yo to 3 yo is kind of a big difference.

I would definitely talk to the boy's mom. If, God forbid, grandpa is an abuser, he's certainly not going to pass that message along for you. (And either way that way you can make sure she gets the correct message.) Then you can go from there depending on how she reacts.


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## tracyamber (May 26, 2011)

What a stressful event......I think I would talk to mom .Have you already?


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