# Extremely clingy 14-month-old - what's going on???



## darwinphish

Hi all,

Been a while since I've posted anything - life is crazy-busy! But I really need some wise minds right now and I knew where I had to go.









My DD Helen is almost 14 mos. Lately she has been beyond clingy. She won't let me leave the room - prior to a week ago if I told her "Mama's going to the bathroom" she'd leap up and run in front of me an beat me to the bathroom - her way of showing me she knew what I'd said - so cute! Now, if I say the same thing, she comes up to me cries (whines, really), clings to my pants and I either have to pick her up and take her there or have her tag along, whining.

She also won't have anything to do with DH - he can't change her diaper, pick her up, tickle her - without her getting mad and HITTING him! He was a SAHD for her 1st year and they used to be VERY attached. Now, if I leave the house she'll settle in with him just fine after about 2mins, but if I'm in the room she makes a HUGE performance out it. DH calls himself "chopped liver Dad".

Is this normal developmentally?

Oh, and yes, she's teething - but she's been teething continuously since 4mos and has 12 teeth already.

And, even if it is normal, what can I do to change it?







I'm going crazy and find myself biting my tongue to keep from yelling at her. Yesterday I ended up saying "Helen, for chist's sake, calm down" in a very mean tone of voice - which caused her to have a total meltdown - not good. I feel terrible for it, but I just can't seem to control my extreme frustration with her behavior.

What should I do?

Thanks in advance Mamas!


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## lauren

Hey there. I have one of those too! (mine's 14 1/2 mos.) Actually she goes in and out of these periods since about 13 mos. My belief about it, backed by child development theorists, is that as they get more solid in their walking, they realize they are separate from you. Since they can leave you, they become more aware that you can leave them. This causes a lot of anxiety in them and they now want to track your every move! It is actually a sign of healthy attachment for your baby to be anxious about your presence. It is temporary. But I know it can be very frustrating, especially if there was a period just before it where you could come and go more easily. For me it helps to remember that when she can't see me, for her I cease to exist, and she needs reassurance. I agree though, it can cause claustrophobia!! (just let me go to the bathroom in peace!!







I know from my older children that it does pass, and will be a quirky little memory in no time. Hang in there. This will pass.


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## cedoreilly

My youngest is the same way. VERY annoying particularly when I take his older sister up to potty and she refuses to pee/poop if he (or her twin brother or any male) is in the room.


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## jilly

I hate to tell you this, but my ds is 18 mos. and he is just starting to come out of this. I can sometimes leave the room or go to the bathroom or take the groceries in the house without a collosal meltdown. He started right around 13 / 14 mos, too.

Some things that I did:

got a mei tai -- that way when he is really bad I can just put him on my back for a while. Usually after about 20 - 30 min. he's calm and will play by himself on the floor while I do stuff again.

have toys in every room -- messy, but that way everywhere we go there is something to distract them with

tell them where you are going -- doesn't always help, but sometimes it will

take a few hours away several days of the week -- I have dh spell me off of at least 30 min a day, an usually 2 days a week for a couple of hours, just so I can feel like I have personal space again

get her involved in what you are doing. I found that around 14 or 15 mos he could start to "unload" the dishwasher, "carry" laundry and "wash" things in the sink while I was cooking. This kept him busy and his mind off the fact that he wasn't in my arms.

I think a lot of it has to do with being so excited to explore the big, big world but at the same time being scared becuase it is suddenly such a big, big world. I think Mom is a touchstone for babies and gives them the security they need when everything else seems so overwhelming.

Hang in there. My mantra with this as with other things is "this too shall pass" and remember, when they're thirteen they won't want to be seen with you.


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## nonconformnmom

I have a book called "The Magic Years" that goes through the developmental stages of children and explains the reason behind them. It is definitely a developmental stage at 14 months to be extra clingy. The reason, according to the book I referenced, is because when they first start walking, it is a major life change for them. It's the first time they can really see their world and be mobile at the same time and that is very scary for babies. For that reason, they feel the need for extra security from their parents, especially from their mother if that is the parent whom they are accustomed to having carry them around most of the time.









Isn't it wonderful to be needed?


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## mamabeca

Ditto the Magic years. Explained it all to me. Kids are somewhat different in their clingy-ness. W/my dd it was easier - she was more distractable. There were certain things she'd mellow out for every time - play dough, finger paint, water play. W/ds (13.5 mos) it's not so easy. He's more focused and "smarter" to the distraction method.







If he's with dh I do let them work it out. It SUCKS, but I know that he's being cared for and loved, and sometimes I just need a BREAK! When it's just him and I it's fine - our worst moments are early morning (when I have to get dd ready for school and walk her to the bus and walk the dog - I took these on because it gives me some time w/her before her day) and dinnertime. Early morning either I just take him with me or, like right now its freaking FREEZING outside, so he stays w/dad. He cries most of the time.







but not for the entire time. Also, food seems to work for him. A couple of scrambled eggs and he's a happy little fellow again







At dinnertime, I put him on my back or in the sling. He LOVES to be carried, and although we are together ALL DAY EVERY DAY he just never gets enough of it. He's good to move about the cabin during the day, and does so to his delight. But he ALWAYS comes back to me, and doesn't stay away too long. Silly little beans. They'll get it. I tell my dh that it will only last a few years.







Have patience with her. She totally doesn't 'get' what is going on. Hopefully she and her dad will work out some of these kinks themselves.


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## AriannaCruz

My daughter just turned 14 months 4 days ago and has been very clingy. She wakes up at night and won't sleep in her room if I'm not there with her. It is very frustrating. I end up giving up and she sleeps with me.


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## lauren

Sounds like a reasonable response!


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## PacificMar

I'm with you, Darwinphish--our daughter is 14.5 months old and we call her the Klingon (depending on whether she's got a death grip on the right or left leg of my trousers, she's on the starboard or port bow). She has particular times of day when she's at her most uncertain--when she first wakes up and about an hour before her usual bedtime. During the rest of the day, she'll alternate between being eager to explore (even squirming like crazy to be put down on the floor) and needing the "home base" of me or her dad. She's clingy with both of us; however, transferring from one to the other (such as when one of us really wants to use the bathroom alone) causes a screaming festival. We both know that it's a sign of a secure attachment and the uneven growth of independence, but it can certainly be pesky sometimes, especially when she doesn't even want me to take one step over to grab something. Argh.


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