# Anyone have kids 5 or more years apart?



## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

IF DH and I decided to have one more child (that's being debated, and since we'd have to do IVF it's not a given) our DS would be five or older by the time the new baby is born. In some ways I'm thinking this is good, since DS is VERY attached to me and frankly, a lot of work. By then he'd be doing more of his own thing and be on a different level maturity-wise. Of course I know he'd still be little and he'd need us, but it's different than having a two-year old and a baby. Right?

Any input is appreciated!


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## MCR (Nov 20, 2001)

My boys are 5.5 years apart. I really loved it. Ds#1 was in K so I spent all day with the baby. As he was so much older he wasn't in competition and loved his little brother. Once the baby was crawling about they played together a lot, they are still very close, older Ds is 21 and younger is almost 16. Then we have a 11 year gap to Dd who is almost 5.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Mine are 7 years apart, and I love it. The older one is such a help, and has a huge appreciation of the younger one. She understands what "play" is to a one-year-old. They're great together.


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## FiveLittleMonkeys (Jan 21, 2009)

My last two are almost 8 years apart. It has been so much fun to see my ds loving on his little brother, and the baby just adores him.


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## minmoto2 (Dec 23, 2004)

There are almost 5 years between dd1 & dd2. We didn't plan it that way...it just took longer than expected to get pg. I loved it when they were little...it was a lot easier to incorporate a new lo into our lives because dd1 was pretty independent & also quite helpful.

Now they are 15yo & almost 11yo w/ a 14mo brother. Definitely didn't want that age gap..but he just didn't happen til dd2 was almost 10yo. They both dote on him


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

Mine are 5.5 years apart and so far it has been really awsome. I wanted two babes close together, but it took us 4.5 years to get pregnant. But there are a lot of ways in which this seems like a really nice situation for my older, and the baby completely adores his big brother. There has been very little jealousy and my older seems to have adjusted really well. I am thrilled so far!


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Mine are 5 years apart and currently they are out playing in the snow together. I say go for it!


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

My DS will be near 5 when this one is born.
We _sorta_ planned it that way. I always knew I did _not_ want a small age gap - it took us a little over a year to finally get a stuck bean but either way, the gap would have been larger than most people we know! lol
This was a very personal decision and what I feel is best for _our_ family. I certainly don't look down on families who plan smaller age gaps - but for us, it felt right because I felt DS needed me before we added to our family. He has had what he needed of me and we are ready to add to our family. I wanted us all to be ready to add to the family - not just want I felt I wanted (cause I was broody for another when he was 3 months old! lol) - I felt I had to consider every member first. Of course he still needs me, but in a very different way than a baby would - and a two year old to me is still very much a baby. I feel really glad that he has had that time needed of me and he won't be pushed aside. Hes a little over four now and can be patient, wait happily, doesn't have any immediate needs that can't be waited for, pretty self sufficient in ways that will make a difference when I have a small life to look after that does have real immediate needs, etc. All of these things will make it easier on all of us when it comes to the practical stuff - and the not so practical everyday applications, well - another bonus is that I can actually have a conversation with this kid now and he has understanding and is putting together logic skills as well - so much different from when he was 3 or less! hehe.
At the end of the day, I did not choose to have another child to be my sons best friend. He has his own friends. If they get on, thats _great_! And if they don't, its not the end of the world - he does have his own world and that includes friends, so there won't be anything lost if things don't work out perfect family and only things gained if it works out wonderfully! How your childred do or don't get on is never anything you can predict in all honesty - I personally feel it would be naive to assume that. However, saying that, I have a handful of friends who do have a 5+ year age gap and all of their children get on wonderfully! From my own observations, more so than those with much smaller age gaps - and I think this has a lot to do with both not having to share the one thing they need the most because a five year old no longer needs mummy the most and has the understanding to know what a baby needs and can talk about their feelings/emotions through any bumps during that time.
I personally have never seen anything negative about a big age gap. I think its all about expectation. Have some common sense about the everyday stuff - and the rest can only be a nice surprise! lol


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

I am 8 years older than my brother. Growing up, I never thought about the age gap. I changed diapers and babysat him while mom went on errands. It was what it was. I am also only 10.5 months older than my sisters. And that is also normal for me.

My kids are 2.5, 4, and 13.5 years apart. In a way, we have done Dylan a disservice by him being an only child in a family of adults. Now that Joy and family live with us, Dylan is experiencing family life as the oldest of 4 children (Joy's kids are 4.5, 2.5, and 11 months). In some ways, Dylan loves it and is enjoying it more as he is getting older. He likes being treated as closer to adult than child. At other times, especially when doing his chores, he wishes that he was the only child again.

The gap between kids will be an advantage or a disadvantage more because of the kid's personalities and the individual family dynamics than any specific age span.


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## guestmama9966 (Apr 24, 2009)

My first and seconds kids are 10 years apart!!!!!!!!!


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Our kids are 10 years apart and honestly, I'm thinking the next one will be in ten years too.







DD loves having her brother around, he's her little buddy. She also understands that sometimes her baby brother needs a little more attention the usual (like when sick) and knows that she can be part of taking care of him when he's like that.


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## Abraisme (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rubidoux* 
Mine are 5.5 years apart and so far it has been really awsome. I wanted two babes close together, but it took us 4.5 years to get pregnant. But there are a lot of ways in which this seems like a really nice situation for my older, and the baby completely adores his big brother. There has been very little jealousy and my older seems to have adjusted really well. I am thrilled so far!


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

My brother is 9 years older than me and I am 4 years older than my sister...it's great! I definitely didn't suffer from having such large age gaps, though I do hope to have my kids 3-4 years apart, not 9. Right now, brother is 29, I'm 20 and my sister just turned 16. I really like it because none of us have ever had that competition of being in the same stage of life. My sister is in 10th grade, I'm in college, and my brother is in the military and married with two daughters, so there's no comparisons to "Oh, well Chris took that college class last year and got an A, why didn't you?" that I notice with siblings close in age.


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## PurpleFireFlies (Dec 7, 2009)

I have 4 children...my oldest two are 14 months apart. They were 8 and 9 when we concieved our daughter and then went on to have one more son. My littles love the older kids so much and the older boys feel the same about the littles. They have a wonderful relationship with each other.


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## 145964 (Dec 18, 2009)

Hi -- I just joined today with the hope that I would find a discussion thread exactly like this one. I have a 6 year old son and am expecting a child this summer via surrogate. We tried to adopt for over 3 years with no success and so stopped pursuing adoption a year ago.

Yesterday my son asked about adoption and we began discussing the topic of siblings. My DH & I are planning to tell our son about the pregnancy in early Feb. but, at this point, he doesn't know about it. So, I asked him, hypothetically, how he would feel about the idea of a baby coming to live with us. He was very adament that he wanted a 4, 5 or 6 year old sibling (preferably a brother.) When I told him that was not an option for our family he became became tearful and cried in my arms for a half-hour. He's clearly greiving the loss of the idea of having a close-in-age sibling.

In reading the postings, it sounds like older children enjoy having much-younger siblings, but I am concerned about the time before the baby is born... that waiting period when my son might build up fears, concerns, anger and resistance to the idea.

Any suggestions for how to help him through pre-baby anxiety, anger, frustration and grief would be much appreciated! Also, I've e-mailed a librarian friend regarding this and am hoping she'll have some books to suggest for reading to him... more book suggestions (along with other ideas) for my son would be most welcome!

Thanks so much!
MB


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

DD is younger than my youngest DSD by 6 years, younger than DSS by about 8.5. It actually works out nicely. DD (who's 21 months) adores DSD and DSS (though she bosses them around some too, and they sometimes can't stand the tantrumming, but that's all sibling love, baby). They're really good about looking out for her, and making up silly games, which she just loves. In fact, every morning DD always makes sure to tell me to say goodbye to them as we're loading up the cars (as if I wouldn't anyways).

FWIW, I'm very close to my youngest sister, who's my junior by over 11 years.


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## luvmybaby333 (Nov 13, 2009)

My girls are 5 years apart. I think it works out great. My ODD was such a help when her sister arrived. Sure, she gets irritated with her sometimes (but I think that's pretty common with all siblings.)


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## Kiddoson (Nov 19, 2001)

My 2 are 7 years apart. Given I work and have my kids with me most of hte time (9 year old HS) I could never have 2 little ones. I love the help I get from older DD and she is learning so much about being a parent and caretaker that I never had. She will be much more prepared than I! For us it was the only way. hth
Kim


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

My dd will be almost 5.5 by the time my baby is born, and honestly I don't think I could have had a second one before now! I wasn't even that interested in having another until a matter of months before we conceived. I feel so much better now knowing that dd is able to take care of a lot of things on her own. Even just the simple things like getting ready to go... is SO much less of a hassle at almost-5 than when she was 2. Plus, I think she will be able to enjoy the baby more, too. She's so much more aware of what having a baby means and is very excited to have a sibling. I feel like I can experience it with her a lot more than if she were younger and not entirely understanding what's going on.

She will likely be starting school next year too, so I will have some alone time with the baby, and then can just schedule mama time with her as needed, to make sure she still gets the attention she needs.


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## TXmom2 (Sep 20, 2009)

umm...yep. Totally not by choice. Mine are 13 years apart because of fertility issues, a divorce and taking a while to find the right partner.
However, this age gap has some benefits too. My son loves his baby sister and always wants to help. No jealousy, no toddler to chase, and he likes to watch the baby while I fix dinner or grab a quick shower...it's actually kinda nice









This time, I hope to have a sibling for my youngest asap but that will depend on if my body cooperates


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## ~ Wonderful Life ~ (Apr 14, 2009)

Mine are 12 years apart and it's working out just fine.


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## Meems (Jan 8, 2007)

I am so loving this thread. My DD is almost 3 and I have felt very much the oddball among my peers. Most of them have 2 under age 2.5. They are always asking when we're having #2... and I'm like, "probably when you have your third!" I just don't think I could do it. I have a friend who had her baby when her son was 5 and it seems to be a seamless transition for them. It is totally more what I have in mind when I think of having more than one kid.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

My siblings are 6-12 years older than I am. They LOVED having a baby sister when they were old enough not to see it as "competition" and I loved having siblings that were old enough to do really fun stuff with me.

A good friend has kids who are 5 years apart and their relationship is wonderful. The older girl just has a natural, "mommying' personality and she is so sweet with her little brother! (The parents also talk about how much easier it is for the older child to be fairly rational and independent by the time another little comes along.)


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## Aubergine68 (Jan 25, 2008)

I have a sibling 5 years younger, and a 5.5 year gap between my oldest and second child, a 26 mo gap between the youngest.

I *much* prefer the longer gap







There are so many good things about it, and I found the shorter gap sooo hard.

Good luck!


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## babygirlie (Jun 4, 2009)

my half siblings are 15 years older and i despised it and still do. I am on my first baby and they are having grandkids. By the time I could comprehend things they were out of the house and starting lives and had no time for a baby sister. I have no relationship with them what so ever. Even in my baby book my mom predicted I wouldn't and apologized. Because of the gap I am absolutely an only child and will never have a sibling bond with those people. They are in a totally different part of their lives now. I was always VERY hurt and didn't understand why they would go skiiing and do fun things and I had to stay at home. I had thought it was because I didn't have any money but in reality it was because I was a burden and too little. hate it hate it hate it.

5 years is nothing like 15 though. She'll be old enough to remember them living with you and spending time there.


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## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *babygirlie* 
my half siblings are 15 years older and i despised it and still do. I am on my first baby and they are having grandkids. By the time I could comprehend things they were out of the house and starting lives and had no time for a baby sister. I have no relationship with them what so ever. Even in my baby book my mom predicted I wouldn't and apologized. Because of the gap I am absolutely an only child and will never have a sibling bond with those people. They are in a totally different part of their lives now. I was always VERY hurt and didn't understand why they would go skiiing and do fun things and I had to stay at home. I had thought it was because I didn't have any money but in reality it was because I was a burden and too little. hate it hate it hate it.

5 years is nothing like 15 though. She'll be old enough to remember them living with you and spending time there.

Aw, I'm sorry you grew up hurting. My son does have three half-siblings who are MUCH (17, 15 and 12 years) older than he is, but they weren't over that much to begin with (and the two oldest are off to college now) so I don't think he's having the same kind of experience. They're more like uncles I think.

And yes, five years is not the same thing...hopefully it's close enough that he'll still have that sibling relationship with him/her.

FTR, I have siblings that are 12, 10 and 6 years older than I am, and I was always closest to the sister who is 10 years older (and still am).


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
The gap between kids will be an advantage or a disadvantage more because of the kid's personalities and the individual family dynamics than any specific age span.

Totally agree!!

Our kids are 8.5 years apart and we love it









I never wanted a small age gap, we were aiming for 4-5 years but got 8.5 ... I can't imagine it any other way! Having DD for support and to help out saved my sanity many times.

So far we haven't had any sibling issues, they play together, fight together, look after each other ...

The one thing that bothered me (more so than DD I think) was that DD kinda suffered in the social aspect. She is very involved in after school and evening activities and we had to cut back a bit for the first couple of years because of DS napping and having early bedtime and DH's shift work sched ... I just couldn't do the running around. We're back to running around with DD daily (DS is 3).

I also think that with an older sibling, they have an easier time understanding the needs of a new baby ... DD also understood that for 8.5 years before DS she had it pretty good







And she can see just how awesome DS is and how lucky we are to have him!!


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## SilverFish (Jan 14, 2010)

i like this thread!

we are still expecting our first, but i am leaning more and more towards a larger age gap... i had originally anticipating having a second maybe 3 or 4 years down the road, but it's good to read about the positives of waiting 5 or more. for me it makes sense because of my career. i don't want to have a second until i have permanent position and am eligible for a year paid maternity leave... in my field and location, it will take at least a couple years of full time work before i'd get a job like that. and i don't think i'll even be ready to return to work full-time for at least a year, maybe longer.

it's nice to hear about the relationship between older and younger siblings too... i think my mom appreciated having us around to help out with my baby sister, and we certainly never resented her (although the toddler stage is rough no matter what... i certainly was not appreciative of having my stuff wrecked by a toddler... no matter how old i was at the time!!)

i guess the biggest negative i can think of is the age difference on the other end. my youngest sister is 7 years younger than the next in line (who is only 2 years younger than me) and if she'd been born earlier, my parents would have become independent a whole lot sooner than they are... she's 18 now, so not a little kid any more, but i can see the benefits of getting all your kids out on their own within a couple years of each other and being able to start the next stage of your life. it seems a little disconcerting to have two kids in university, but still going to PTA meetings and packing lunches.


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## Holiztic (Oct 10, 2005)

I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted mention that throughout most of history and in most cultures, the average time between births has been 4-5 years.

I nursed DS until just after his 2nd birthday (not a drop of menstrual blood until 3 weeks after weaning--he nursed every 2 hours at night for 2 years straight, no exception, ever!) and am now doing a 1 year 'recovery' time (nothing wrong with me, just to build nutrient stores back and also just be alone in my body for a year!) That will put kids about 4 years apart. Seems as normal and natural as can be to me!

I'd have no problem with 5 or 6 even, if that's how it goes.

I'm astounded when people assume we're done or even having fertility problems just because our son is 2.75 and we haven't announced a pregnancy! I _always_ bring up the historical 4-5 year interval.


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## snguyen (Jul 15, 2007)

quoting glitch. sorry.


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## snguyen (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Holiztic* 
I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted mention that throughout most of history and in most cultures, the average time between births has been 4-5 years.

There may be cultural and historical demographics you're including that I am unaware of, but this is SO not the case in my family's history. I am the family's unofficial genealogist, and have lists upon lists of nearly every family branch of mine dating back 120-150 years. Before WOHMs, birth control and formula feeding became widespread, *every* branch on both sides of the family had between 4-10 kids, ranging from as little as 10 months apart to no more than 3.5 years, almost without fail. Where larger gaps did occur, there was almost certainly a baby's death or miscarriage throwing off the timeline between the living. Breastfeeding didn't seem to hold the seed of lusty husbands at bay for too long! I can't imagine any woman wanting to have sex (much less being fertile while exclusively nursing!) a month or two after just having had a newborn, so guess who was making *those* decisions back in the day...









That being said, my DD is 3.5, and I was so hoping to have our second around her 4th birthday, but I miscarried in December. So it sure looks like there will be a 5 year age gap minimum whenever #2 does come along. I'm just glad to hear it has worked out really well for most.


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## annekh23 (Nov 1, 2008)

Mine are 2yrs apart, then 4yrs, so my oldest is 6yrs older than the baby.

The hard part is having one in grade school, one in preschool all with different pick up and drop off times, then a baby. Getting the baby in and out the car so many times a day is killing me.

Both kids are good with the baby, but particularly the 6yr old, even if he's not actually playing with her, I can trust him for a few minutes to be the supervisor.

This is a lot harder than 2 and newborn was, but it would be less hard if I only had one older child and one schedule.


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## Holiztic (Oct 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snguyen* 
There may be cultural and historical demographics you're including that I am unaware of, but this is SO not the case in my family's history. I am the family's unofficial genealogist, and have lists upon lists of nearly every family branch of mine dating back 120-150 years.

Info from this book: http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Biology-C...5119308&sr=1-2

And she's talking about across all cultures AND, most importantly, across the 2-3 million years of humanity (meaning all **** species). We're talking biology here, not culture.

There are a number of cultures that consider it totally taboo to 'mate' before a previous child is 2 years old. Add that to ecological breastfeeding, and it would be nearly impossible to have spacing much less than 3 years (not sure what took it to 4-5). As for the man's desires, I really believe we were (biologically) meant for polygyny (well, not even marriage, just multiple mating partners for maximum procreation). Though our culture has changed a good bit since then, I'm not sure our biology has adapted quite so quickly.

The book also has a whole discussion of how apes are still spacing 5 years due to necessity, they can't care for their little ones and have another more quickly than that. The anthropological theory put forth (in Small's book) for our closer spacing (4 years) is that we developed a "childhood" somewhere way back in history that made us able to have independent (not nursing, not worn by mom) 'kids' (ages 2-7) that could be cared for by older children in the family/village while the mom could get pregnant again and care for the newborn. The apes don't/can't do this and care for their young (dependently/nursing) until later, therefore cannot handle another baby. This supports the idea that humans are more successful evolutionarily speaking. Its an interesting discussion.

I don't mean to spark debate in here, please just take or leave this stuff as you will and continue the discussion on larger child spacing in your families! I do recommend the book, though! I loved "Our Babies, Ourselves" and this is the follow-up.


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## junipermoon (Nov 19, 2008)

holiztic thanks for this info I find it very interesting.

my kids are 5 years and 7 years apart--13 yo, 8 yo, and 16 months. love it. would not plan another until the baby is at least 4. though my h probably doesn't want another. i do. i want one more biologically if we can squeeze it in bio clock wise (i'm 32--i'll be 36 by the time I'd be ready again..) and i'd like one or more through older child adoption. h is more open to that--outwardly bc of population concerns and also I think because secretly he is soooo afraid that a fetus might not make it thru a pregnancy, bc miscarrying is common, whereas a child joining the family over age five is out of the "under 5" vulnerable stage re: childhood illness, etc.

my 13 year old (late aged adoption at 5 yrs) recently independently suggested we adopt a large sib group. he found a photolisting of a group of 6sibs. i can't even imagine what that would look like in function. i broke it to him gently.

in any case i do think wide spacing is great, particularly if you (like me) aren't like the *best* at housekeeping, cooking, household organizing, etc, with a baby/toddler...at least with one at a time there are never two who need a diaper changed or whatnot at the same time.


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## columbusmomma (Oct 31, 2006)

Mine are a little over 5 years apart and it's great








They play a bit together now and DS can be a great help to me too with helping with his younger sis








Plus when they are adults there won't be an age difference per se. Now they have different needs and likes and dislikes, but when adults there won't be. Since DS is independent I can do a lot of stuff with DD that I feel I couldn't if he were much younger and I was chasing after the both of them! In turn, I can do activities that he enjoys one-on-one while DH is playing with DD, or while she's in bed or napping. I also like the fact that I had one-on-one time with DS for almost 5 years, so learned a lot about ages and stages so this time around it's easier. Go for it!


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## Katsmamajama (Jun 24, 2009)

There are 9 years between my two DD's, and so far it's absolutely fantastic. DD1 is very independent, and also has a strong "mother hen" complex, so she loves taking care of her sister by herself-- diaper changes, dressing her, pushing her in the stroller, etc. Of course, we're only 2 months into our sibling adventure, so she may still grow weary of having a baby around.


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## Fay (Sep 21, 2005)

Mine are almost 6 years apart. I love the age gap. My DS1 loves being a big brother. And I really get to enjoy all the wonderful baby moments!


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## Pinoikoi (Oct 30, 2003)

I will have two sets with a 5 year span..

Oldest is 11, next is 6.. then my youngest will be 5 in a couple of days, and my new baby isn't due until June..

The good things I have noticed so far- my 11yo takes his education very seriously, and it gets my younger kids talking about what to expect with it.. they are already discussing what instruments to study in 6th grade because they see how their older brother loves and cares for his trumpet.. they are considering sports options since they see how their older brother looks forward to ski season..

My youngest (almost 5) is really excited about the baby.. yesterday he was singing "candy girl" to her..







I am waiting to see if this adoration of his will continue once the baby is born, and cries, and poops.


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## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

Not by choice here -- had to do IVF. There are pluses and minuses, but I'd do it again for a chance to have dd.


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## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snguyen* 
There may be cultural and historical demographics you're including that I am unaware of, but this is SO not the case in my family's history. I am the family's unofficial genealogist, and have lists upon lists of nearly every family branch of mine dating back 120-150 years. Before WOHMs, birth control and formula feeding became widespread, *every* branch on both sides of the family had between 4-10 kids, ranging from as little as 10 months apart to no more than 3.5 years, almost without fail. Where larger gaps did occur, there was almost certainly a baby's death or miscarriage throwing off the timeline between the living. Breastfeeding didn't seem to hold the seed of lusty husbands at bay for too long! I can't imagine any woman wanting to have sex (much less being fertile while exclusively nursing!) a month or two after just having had a newborn, so guess who was making *those* decisions back in the day...








.

There may have been wet nurses or homemade formula though, especially if they were either poor (working moms go way back among the lower classes) or rich (read the old Mary Poppins series for a look at how the British upper middle classes handed off the newborn to the nanny immediately around 1900 or so).


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## snguyen (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pookietooth* 
There may have been wet nurses or homemade formula though, especially if they were either poor (working moms go way back among the lower classes) or rich (read the old Mary Poppins series for a look at how the British upper middle classes handed off the newborn to the nanny immediately around 1900 or so).

I doubt there were either in my case, I don't think too many German and Swedish farmers (especially in MN farm country) had servants or formula, although I have heard stories of women my mother's age getting Karo syrup as formula as nursing rates declined with "modernization."







From census info going back to 1865, the wives' occupations were always listed as "housewife" or "none."







Actually it was more common for the women to start working outside their own home only as teenagers at the farm next door or as a housekeeper if they needed retirement-age income, with no more children at home. Again, I know this is just my little piece of all humanity I'm talking about, but I know my situation is not unique.


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## maddycakes (Apr 14, 2008)

After what has been a month of seemingly endless reports of my friends who already have one child in the 2.5 yr old range telling me they are due w/#2, and me feeling completely inadequate (for lack of a better word) that I was not anywhere near ready for #2 yet (if at all), the posts on here have really made my day. I've always thought that *if* we have a second, I'd like him/her to be almost 5 yrs apart from DD (largely for the reasons people have stated). But among my peers, I seem to be in the vast minority with most having kids 2-3 yrs apart, or less. It was making me feel like I was doing something wrong by not being ready yet (I know I need to work on not worrying about what others are doing...but sometimes you can't help it!)

Anyway, not to hijack, just wanted to say thanks for everyone's input to the OP. It has changed my perception of what's beyond my worldview of what I thought was "normal".


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## Holiztic (Oct 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maddycakes* 
After what has been a month of seemingly endless reports of my friends who already have one child in the 2.5 yr old range telling me they are due w/#2, and me feeling completely inadequate (for lack of a better word) that I was not anywhere near ready for #2 yet (if at all), the posts on here have really made my day. I've always thought that *if* we have a second, I'd like him/her to be almost 5 yrs apart from DD (largely for the reasons people have stated). But among my peers, I seem to be in the vast minority with most having kids 2-3 yrs apart, or less. It was making me feel like I was doing something wrong by not being ready yet (I know I need to work on not worrying about what others are doing...but sometimes you can't help it!)

Anyway, not to hijack, just wanted to say thanks for everyone's input to the OP. It has changed my perception of what's beyond my worldview of what I thought was "normal".

My best friend and I met in birth class when we were pregnant with our firsts. When they were barely past 1 (14 months, I think) I was at her house and she said "I have news!" and I said (totally, 100% joking) "you're pregnant" and she said "well, yeah!" I was 100% (literally) joking because it didn't even seem possible to me. I was a bit rude in proceeding months treating her like she was doing something totally unimaginable (oopps! I do wish I'd been more sensitive!), but I really didn't even see how it was possible. I mean, I was nursing around the clock (every 2 hours at least), had no signs of menstruation, my son was just starting to talk, still in diapers, still waking all night. I was amazed that she was pregnant!

I am still so pleased imaging myself with a baby and a big boy. Seems so right to me! DS is not quite 3 and is very verbal, totally potty-trained (even at night), and acts in so many ways like a "big boy". I'm not sure if he'd be like that with a baby around this early.

The only thing I think about with the spacing is that I wish I'd been able to start earlier. When I mentioned the historical interbirth interval of 4-5 years, I neglected (what I assume to be) the historical age of first birth probably in the teens. I wish it would have been feasible for me to have kids at 20, 25, 30, 35. Instead, it's likely going to be 28, 32, 36. Yes, I'd like 4, but we'll have 3 at most, I think, due only in part to age.


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## Mamato3wild ponnie (Jan 6, 2007)

I didnt read all the reply's, here's our family 15yo, 10yo, 5yp, 1yo. Would i do it that way again....NONONONOOOOOOOOO
Not one of them can play together, my 10yo and 5yo play sometimes, but not often. I liked it when they were babies cause one would go off to school while i was home with the baby. But my 5yo is still at home and the 1yo and him dont play at all. God gave me all my children when he knew i was ready, so i have to thank him. But if i could do it over, i would have them closer.


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## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

My girls are six years apart and I LOVE it. The baby is just a baby but they already play together. We homeschool so maybe that helps. And the first grader is a total help. I mean that she actually helps me watch the baby, feed the baby, change the baby, dress the baby...she's really, really reliable and in love with her sister.
One of my favorite moms has a sibling six years younger and another nine years younger. She is close to both and has wonderful memories of her mom nursing and cosleeping. She has tons of tips and I have no doubt dd1 will grow up to be a nursing mama. (She nurses her dolls at LLL meetings.







)
It's also fun to have her around other moms with babies and toddlers. Again and again parents tell me how helpful she is.
And the baby adores her sister. She calls out, "YA YA. YA YA [her name for her sister]!" And just this week they started to play together in dd1's play kitchen.
It's just perfect for our family.


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## Pookietooth (Jul 1, 2002)

I think 3 years is a good space, but we are stuck with nearly seven so we will make it work.
I am sure some women are fertile enough to get pregnant again soon, but it doesn't mean they should.
Farm women probably did breastfeed, but that doesn't mean that they breast fed excusively for a long period of time or delayed solids, and I do know of women who were breastfeeding full time and still got pregnant before one year.


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## WaturMama (Oct 6, 2006)

I'm so glad to find this thread. I wanted 2.5 years apart, even had that pg, but it did not make it. Now we are looking at at least 5.5. It is so reassuring to hear all the positive stories. I really am glad that ds has gotten so much of our attention in these years.


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

my dc are 4 years and 7 mo apart and so far it has been great. No jealousy from ds, he loves his sister to pieces, I can barely stop him from kissing and hugging her all the time. I like the fact that he is able to get himself a glass of water or use the restroom without any help, when I'm busy with the baby. When I was pregnant and very sick, I could take a nap while he was playing or watching TV.

Now he attends kindergarten, which leaves me a little bit of time alone with the baby.

Having a larger gap worked great for us.


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## siennaflower (Aug 31, 2004)

Dd1 was 6 1/2 when dd2 came along and I love it. We didn't plan it this way, I was ready for another baby when dd1 was about 3 but dh was deployed twice in a row so it took a while. I'm pretty happy with the spacing though, very little jealousy and dd1 loves being helpful with dd2.


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## Tumble Bumbles (Oct 15, 2009)

What a comforting thread. We are currently TTC and our child is a little over 4.5 now.


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