# Toddler will NOT sit in car seat!!



## Emys_Mama (Jan 19, 2004)

Help me out! I feel like I've tried everything short of serious physical manipulation to get my 22 month old in her car seat. Sometimes she just will not do it. I honor her wishes when I can, but there are some times when we absolutely need to take a ride in the car. It's to the point where I'm afraid to go anywhere because I may get stuck there for hours. Today we spent 45 minutes in the car waiting for her to sit in her seat. Eventually she sat down to eat a raisin and I buckled her in against her will. I feel horrible about this, but don't know what to do!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Sometimes you just have to strap them in and not feel bad about it. I see AP and GD as respecting the needs of everyone in the family, not just doing what the kids want to do. If you have to go to the grocery store or to visit Grandma, that's what has to happen. Since you can't leave a 22 month old home alone, she has to go with you. Having food in the house or seeing people is something that needs to get done. Not dying in a car accident is a need. Therefore, being buckled into the car seat needs to happen whether it's something that kids want to do or not.

That doesn't mean that you have to be unkind about it. You just gently, but firmly, put her into the car seat and strap her in. Give her a snack or a toy if it makes her happy. Make sure she's comfortable and that the straps aren't hurting her. Then drive. Go do what you need to do.

And don't feel bad about it.


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## Emys_Mama (Jan 19, 2004)

Thank you, I will try to feel less guilty about it!

But, I really have difficulty physically getting her in the seat when she doesn't want to go. She is very strong and can get quite rigid. If I am lucky enough to get her seated, I can't hold her down to get the straps on. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, but it seems like trying harder would border on physical abuse.


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## root*children (Mar 22, 2004)

I used to shamelessly bribe DS to get in his carseat. Listen to favorite tape, have a snack, juice, hold a toy, etc. When he has gone through these phases, I have to be super adiment about buckling EVERY time. There's no exception (even just down the street). This made him get more in the routine of it.


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## thistle (Aug 10, 2002)

I'm not above bribery myself. Sometimes dd just wants to "drive" for a while before she gets in. It is particularly hard when she's only been out of the seat a short time and we have to get back in the car. I'm lucky that dd is pretty verbal now so she can tell me what she wants.

thistle


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## Dominique (Oct 28, 2003)

I don't know perhaps you will think I am horrible. But my daugther started the same thing about the same age. I started saying "Kali, you have one minute to get in your car seat, or mommy will have to do it for you". I had to force her in once or twice, and then she caught on. Now when she dilly dallys for ages and doesn't want to get in, I tell her "one minute Kali" and she goes in.

Also important to note is the few times I have physically restrained her, she has screamed and shouted, but I kept talking to her as I drove explaining why I had to put her in her seat. She has very quickly calmed down and listened to what I was saying. I don't think this is physical abuse, simply as one other poster said, it is respecting the needs of everyone in the family.

If I have time, I let dilly dally, if I'm in a huge rush, I simply say "Kali, there's no time today, you have to get in your seat".

Dominique
Kali, 2 1/2 years.


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## MamaAllNatural (Mar 10, 2004)

I agree with the other Mamas. It's a safety issue. She can choose to do it by herself or to have you help her but that's about the extent of it. You can remind her (if you have to physically strap her in and she's not happy about it) that you're putting her in there for her safety because you love her and don't want her to get hurt. I like the "one minute" rule too. There's not much room for movement when it's a safety issue, KWIM?


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## taz925 (Nov 29, 2001)

I agree with everything already posted. I like the one minute rule, my older son likes to drive and honk and move my mirror while I get the little one strapped in. The little one is starting to fight going in the seat, gets all stiff and cries. I just do what I have to do and try not to cry because I am forcing him into the seat. It can get exhausting getting in and out and when he gets like that I suspect he might be tired of getting in and out (so I head home to give us a break) or he needs a nap and he falls asleep. I sing the old mcdonalds song for the little one so he knows I am there (can't see me he is still rear-facing) and that usually calms him.

Doreen


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## Wilhemina (Dec 26, 2001)

I agree with what everyone has said on this thread. Don't feel guilty! A couple of other tricks that _might_ work:

Which animal (or book or ...) do you want to hold in the car, this one or this one? (give only 2 choices to avoid too much stalling.)

Buckle in a baby doll or animal first with child's help, then, "now it's your turn."


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## Foobar (Dec 15, 2002)

I tend to agree with everyone else. I also tend to show Goo MY seatbelt so she understands that EVERYONE in the car has to be strapped down. It seems to help her understand and calm down.....


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## Emys_Mama (Jan 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ann Marie*
I agree with what everyone has said on this thread. Don't feel guilty! A couple of other tricks that _might_ work:

Which animal (or book or ...) do you want to hold in the car, this one or this one? (give only 2 choices to avoid too much stalling.)

Buckle in a baby doll or animal first with child's help, then, "now it's your turn."

Oooohhh, I like those ideas!


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

Mine wants to snap the top buckle into place! Gives him some control over the situation which I think is the reason they fight it so much to begin with.

Oh, and bribery! :LOL


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## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

think about it like a poopy diaper. you wouldn't let your child just refuse to have aa poopy diaper changed would you? some things are non-negotiable, but incentives are always nice....


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I bribe. I figure everyone wins that way. DD gets a treat, and I get her into the carseat. And no, it doesn't mean she'll ask for it every time. After just a few bribes, she started getting in all on her own and didn't even ask for the treat.

Also, I try to let her wait awhile first. If I'm not in a hurry, sometimes she just doesn't want to get in right away, so we might go for a walk first and then I'll try again later.


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## Wilhemina (Dec 26, 2001)

I thought of something else. My nephew was the WORST at getting in and riding in his car seat. My sister discovered that part of the problem was that the a/c in the back seat was not adjusted properly and he was hot as heck back there. Also, he didn't like the volume too high on the radio.

Just a thought.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I agree with the radio thing. I never realized how loud it got in the back until I rode back there with dd. Make sure your back speakers are off or down and that you're using the front speakers.


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## Jadegrniiz (May 14, 2004)

My youngest daughter is 2.5 years old, and she's quite spirited









We solved the problem of getting her IN her seat by making it a game - she got to buckle the chest harness, while I worked the rest of the 5 point harness. HOWEVER, as a warning, that came back to bite me in the rear.... because now she knows how to undo it (the whole thing, not just the chest harness).

So, now MY problem is her undoing her seat and getting out of it (Houdini style) while driving down the road.







: I *think* I figured out why she does it - DH has been known to take off his seatbelt a block away from the driveway/parking spot. He's working on fixing that habit, and we tell her everyone has to be buckled in. I'm also currently in the market for one of those guard thingys that slides over the buckles (and it can't be more than $15 or so. The ones I've seen are $30, and I just don't have that).


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I don't know why car manufacturers make the backseat so uncomfortable. No heat vent, no AC, no decent legroom for adults...when we buy another car, I'm testing out the backseat as well.


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## slightly crunchy (Jul 7, 2003)

We have struggled majorly with this, too.

Some of these I think were already mentioned:

talking about strapping in for safety, mommy and daddy wear seatbelts too, other kids do (name other kids and adults he knows) while putting on straps.

letting ds do the chest harness himself; he also helps me push the other buckles in. Sometimes he would resist getting in the seat when what he really wanted to do was play with the buckles for a couple of minutes.

Talking about what we would do at the next stop.

This may be a bribe, but keeping some favorite books in the car. I'd tell him I would read xyz book with him after he got into his seat. Then I'd read to him before we drove. Snacks didn't work for us because as he is still rearfacing I'm not comfortable letting him have snacks back there when I'm driving. It became a bigger struggle stopping the snacks after he was strapped in.

He has a lot of Cds he loves so giving him a choice between which 2 or 3 cds to play once we got started.

If I was home and I really didn't need to go somewhere, sometimes I'd let it go and we'd get out for a while before trying again. Unfortunately, it usually happenend when we were out already and it was sweltering in the car and sometimes I did have to gently force the issue. I felt like I couldn't physically get him in sometimes without worrying about hurting himor just being too forceful, so I would tell him I understood he didn't want to but that he needed to get in his seat for safety, attempt to put him in... if it didn't work and he got rigid I didn't force it but would take him out, repeat what I said, and try again...repeat, repeat, repeat. And kept trying to distract him.

This had been a struggle on and off for us since he was 8 or 9 months old. Thankfully, just in the last couple of months (he's 24 months) the struggle is no more...for now. There is so much more he can understand now and we can talk about, I think it helps.


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## chattymom (May 6, 2004)

I am with everyone else and in addition to what they all said (sorry if it has been said already, I skimmed), you can't sometimes give in to her wishes to not ride in the seat and end up staying home. It confuses her and she will continue to give a hard time thinbking maybe you will stay home like last time she got mad and you did. You have to be consistant, if you have somewhere to go and then she throws a fit you can't say "ok we'll stay home", you have to let her know that throwing a fit won't make a difference and she has to get in the seat.


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## dallaschildren (Jun 14, 2003)

YEAHHHH!!! I LOVE to read everyone's ideas....I know it is very difficult to try to get a spirited young one into a car seat when they don't want to, but I am so relieved to read all of your responses so far...none of you have let your child pressure you into an unsafe position...you realize the safety aspect of making sure they are belted in and I am so happy to read this. One other suggestion....you can make a game out of it (this works well with carseat "houdinis" too). Tell them the car will not go unless they are strapped in. If they unstrap themselves mid-ride, then find a safe spot to pull over and turn the car off. Repeat to them that the car will not go unless they are safely buckled in and stay so. This is usually successful in most situations. Good luck and good for you for insisting your babe rides safe!


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## Emys_Mama (Jan 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chattymom*
I am with everyone else and in addition to what they all said (sorry if it has been said already, I skimmed), you can't sometimes give in to her wishes to not ride in the seat and end up staying home. It confuses her and she will continue to give a hard time thinbking maybe you will stay home like last time she got mad and you did. You have to be consistant, if you have somewhere to go and then she throws a fit you can't say "ok we'll stay home", you have to let her know that throwing a fit won't make a difference and she has to get in the seat.

You're right - good point! We're still struggling, but after everyone's posts, I'm feeling a little less guilty. Thank you!


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## roxy (Jun 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jadegrniiz*
I'm also currently in the market for one of those guard thingys that slides over the buckles (and it can't be more than $15 or so. The ones I've seen are $30, and I just don't have that).

my friends dc are unbuckling themselves. her 4yo dd just moved to a booster, and now playing the "big-girl" card seems to be working, but 2yo ds is still undoing the chest strap. where have you foung a guard, it may be her only hope. tia.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

For my younger child (15 mo.) I have found that I can distract her by holding a toy in my mouth and wiggling it around and making funny noises. She laughs and I can get her buckled in that instant, then give her the toy. Probably not a technique that will last for long, but it works at the moment. I learned the hard way not to use my keys though, because they she wants to play with them and taking them away causes a crying fit.


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