# Would you know what to do if you lost your child in a public place?



## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

Today at the Children's Museum I saw a mama quickly dissolve into sheer panic as she was looking for her lost little boy.

I was having lunch with DS near the entrance/exit when I first noticed her frantically running around, not knowing what to do or where to go, just hoping he wasn't outside in the cold rainy parkinglot.

I heard her tell another mama that she'd already looked inside for him and didn't know what to do next. She was just lost as to what to do, and I could see all the awful possibilites flashing before her. She simply described him as "wearing a blue T shirt with white hair" and then raced off again.

As I left, she was out in the rainy parking lot racing around frantically yelling his name. Staff were just beginning to understand the problem and walking outside with their walkie-talkies.

And a lot of things crossed my mind as I saw her unravelling and felt so terrified for her.

1) how could I have helped her?
2) what would I do in that situation?

Unable to get this off my mind I've been thinking about what should be done in such a situation.

Alerting the staff immediately seems like a good idea. I know it's probably not the first thing you'd think of as you're desperately looking for your child, but I think they'd be able to watch the doors for you and help track him down.

Also keeping a relatively recent picture of the child with you in your wallet or purse would be a good idea so she could drop that off with the staff while she looks for him some more.

But what else? These are haphazard ideas.

What do you put on your child so someone can ascertain their name? If he was a young toddler, he couldn't give his name.

What should have been the response of the children's museum? As I drove away I thought they should have someone checking the exiting cars to make sure nobody has an extra child. Again, that's a hard one. Kids don't carry ID.

So many questions and I apologize for the rambling post.

What's the right thing to do if you lose your child to make sure you get them back immediately and safely?

and

What's the right thing to do if you see it happening to someone else?


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## PookieMom (Jan 16, 2007)

My MIL lost dh in a Target when he was around two. She looked down and he was gone. She yelled "missing child! Lock the doors!" and they immediately locked the building down. No one came in and no one came out till he was found. They found him under a blue jean display playing with a toy car.


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## katt (Nov 29, 2001)

if I couldn't find him really quick and didn't have anyone to help look, my next/first step would be to contact the staff of wherever I was. They SHOULD have a missing child protocal to follow and help make looking more effective.

a tip I remember is to carry more then 1 recent photo so that if you have to pass out a pic to people, they don't have to wait to only look at the one you have. Maybe take a photo a day on your cell phone (if you have one).

mark his name on some/one/all articles of clothing.


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## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

ds was lost in a library a while ago. He walked out of a room before and I expected him to head to the fish tank. He wasn't there so I quickly scanned the area then told every librarian I could find and every parent. I described his clothes and the way he looked.

It turned out that he got on the elevator and rode it down to the main floor. Luckily a nice woman found him and took him to the main desk. It could have been so, so much worse.


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## adtake (Feb 1, 2006)

When we go public places like that I try and take a picture near something easy to measure of the boys before we go in. I also try and match our clothes that way I don't have to think hard about their clothes.

A friend of mine had a set of dogtags made for her boys and anytime they go somewhere the boys wear them.

I try teach to the boys that if 'mommy' gets lost to find another mommy with children. You can't always find a staff member/worker, but there are almost always moms around where I am.

I guess the first thing would be to lock down the place. The pp's mil yelling out is a good plan. Let people know your child is missing.

It is scary when you see someone else searching and all the what if's. I think it's great you started this thread so we can come up with ideas to share!


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## coop_mom (Apr 10, 2006)

no new suggestions, but I'm glad you started this thread, it is good to think about this and plan ahead.

I was impressed too with the PPs MIL who shouted to shut the doors.

Kids can just disappear so quickly, it happened to me just yesterday in a shoe store...luckily it was small enough to find him quickly, but it got me thinking, too.

--kristin
mom to simon, 8/30/06


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

I'd panic


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## ed_tricia (Feb 12, 2007)

I think my ideas have been covered, but I would mention not to label the child's clothes on the outside (like those cute jackets w/ their name on the back) b/c a potential predator can use that to gain a child's trust. Take a picture that day on your cell or digital camera so you know exactly what they are wearing. I second telling kids to find a mommy w/ kids or someone in uniform is generally good also. I like the matching clothes thing too. Maybe as you walk around the store, zoo, whatever, point out "landmarks"? Tell lost kids NEVER go to the parking lot/car to find you.
Whenever I hear a code adam (I don't know if that's a nationwide thing, but I think it is, it's the store code for missing child) I always stop what I'm doing and try to watch for the kid or if I'm by the door or a bathroom, I always watch there too. Losing my child is one of my worst fears, so I try to be VERY diligent, but things do happen, so it's good to have these ideas.
One more- teach your kids your "real name" b/c I've heard of kids even 3 and 4 that only know parents as mom and dad, so the parent can't be paged.
Oh, and another- you can have a little card w/ your name and cell number and put it in your kid's pocket so if they get lost you can have them hand the card to an employee or police officer or whoever is their "safe" person.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

Good post... although just reading it gives me chills









My SIL writes her cell phone number on her kids hands' when they go to places like amusement parks. Not a foolproof plan but better than nothing? (they're 4,6,9)

It's a scary scenario to even imagine, I'm sure I would panic too.


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## Karamom (Mar 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
I'd panic









Same here, makes my eyes water just thinking about it


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## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Karamom* 
Same here, makes my eyes water just thinking about it

Me too, I still have chills from watching that mom come completely undone


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## mean_jeannie (Mar 3, 2007)

I believe it is standard protocol to shut down entry/exit when a child is missing inside a store, so I would definitley go to a staffer if I wasn't too embroiled in a major freakout.

Yeah, I am freaked out now thinking about it. My ds is a runner. He took off from my mom one time in a store - luckily it was to one of those play trucks you put quarters in and it shakes the kid around. Whew.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Terrifying.

Thanks for the reminder - I've been meaning to put laminated ID cards in the soles of DD's shoes.


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## ScootchsMom (Feb 12, 2007)

DD disappeared on me about 2 months ago while shopping. It was probably the most terrifying moment of my life.

But, the absolute first thing I did when she didn't respond to me screaming her name is to head for the only exit door. No one was walking out with her and she wasn't getting out the door without me seeing her. She had on a shirt that was easy to describe and stood out. As I ran towards the front (no back exit in this store), the staff fanned out looking for her, and my best friend and her DD headed towards the back of the store. My best friend is the one that found her, at the back of the store looking completely bewildered at all the yelling and commotion. Seeing her, finding her ok, was probably the happiest moment ever.

I do not let her out of my sight for even a second anymore. She is NOT allowed to play in the clothes racks, run around to the other side of them, etc. If I have to concentrate on something, she goes in the shopping cart, stroller or has to hold my hand. DP taught her to say her full name, including last name, and she knows our full names as well. One good thing is, she is a screamer by nature, and would definitely fight anyone who tried to grab her. Hell, DP had to take her out of the room 2 weeks ago when I was in the hospital and she bit, kicked, punched, head butted and screamed at him for 20 minutes. And that is her own father!

We also keep explaining to her what a stranger is, and to not talk to strangers unless we say it is ok. She is naturally shy of strangers anyway, so she gets it already.

I hate that I have to teach an almost 3 year old these kinds of things, but there are so many creeps out there. I feel like I'm taking a bit of her childhood away almost, the innocence of playing a game in the store kind of thing, but I NEVER again want to feel like I did when I couldn't find her. I shook for hours, hugged, kissed and cried on her, and that freaked her out enough that she listens pretty well now when I tell her she is getting to far from me. Nothing like mommy having a mental breakdown to get through to the kid.

Liz


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## hottmama (Dec 27, 2004)

I lost my youngest son once. He was 9 mos. old.







He learned to walk at 8.5 mos. and was a runner from day 1. My mom was with me that day, we were at a giant Gap store (baby Gap, Gap Kids, Gap, and Gap Body all in one) and the two of us started looking for him. She found him in a dressing room <2 minutes later but I was panicked. I still feel like a terrible mom, 16 mos. later, for losing a 9 mo. old, but he was standing RIGHT next to me, I only looked away to look at a price tag for a couple seconds and he was gone. So scary.

Now that both of my kids are big and verbal, I'd yell their name and if they didn't yell back, I'd find an employee and tell them my child was missing, show them a picture from my cell phone, and run around yelling their name. I don't mind looking like a crazy lady. Both my kids know their full names, mine and my partners' full names, and my 5 yr. old knows our address (the 2 yr. old knows we live in "Ann Arbor Michigan." Neither kid knows my cell phone number but come to think of it, I should put my phone number in their shoes or something. It's a 10 digit number (out of state) and I don't think either could remember it, especially if they were lost and freaking out.


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## anarchamama (Mar 4, 2005)

I think it depends on the age of the kid. My 2 yo who is a runner I would freak. He would run into trouble, go with strangers and never think twice about our absence. My 4 YO not so much, he sticks pretty close, understands about strangers and knows what to do if he's in trouble.

Once at the children's museaum he thought he was lost (Dh was in the next display with YDS and was keeping an eye on him) all of a sudden "Would papa Patrick please come to the front desk" gets paged. DS panicked when he couldn't see DH and went straight to the desk and asked to have him paged.

I would circle the immidiate area once, then head for the exit and alert staff.
Calling their name the whole time. I would stay at the exit or make sure a staff did while others looked.

OTOH, my 4 yo is very clingy and can panick when he can't find you right away, this can cause him to make bad choices in safe situations. Every day when I put his brother down for a nap, I turn on a movie for him and if he feels nervous he just peeks int he bedroom door. Well last week he somehow forgot the routine we've had every day for the past 18 months, went downstairs to look for me and when he couldn't find me panicked. I came downstairs as he was letting himself out the back door to walk to my parents house! Now my parents only live 2 blocks away, and I'm pretty sure he would be fine, BUT you have to cross a busy street and the though of coming out and finding him gone scared the life out of me. I didn't want to freak as his instinct to find another adult he trusted was right (and he had put on his boots/jacket/mitts he had obviously thought this through). I showed him how to speed dial my parents, and told him if he ver felt scared he could call them.

They have been getting a lot of prank calls since then


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

Definitely alert an employee ASAP. Many stores (and kids museums, etc) have plans in place for when this happens. Any *good* kid-centered place, or even just a larger store, SHOULD have a procedure to follow that *all* employees are trained to do. Many of these places have adopted a specific plan called "Code Adam", which should be marked by a blue sticker at the entrance of the store, if they do. I don't know if this is just in the US, or if it is done in other areas as well.

The best thing that you can do is give a FULL description of your dc, which may be hard to remember to do when you're panicked. However, if the place does Code Adam, or if they are able to do an overhead page throughout the building, a thorough description will be key. I mean, even describe the shoes your dc is wearing. Specifically ask for the overhead page, if you have to. The employees should then immediately close off all the exits except for the "main" entrance/exit, and then you should go stand up there with an employee so you can see everyone that leaves. Then the remaining employees can look for your dc, going by your description.

That's the way Code Adam works, and if you're somewhere that doesn't have that plan in place, just tell them to do all that. And they damn well better, it just goes smoother when all the employees already know what to do. I've seen a number of Code Adams happen, and the child is _always_ found within a few minutes. Everyone in the store hears the page describing the lost child, the employees all immediately stop what they're doing and man all the exits (including the emergency exits), and the manager/person in charge takes the parent up to the main doors. By then, someone has always found the kid, because every single person in the store knows that there's a child missing. It works really well.

It's too bad that not all places do Code Adam, HOWEVER, like I said, just tell the employee to do all this, if you have to. It goes *so* much quicker than frantically running around and being the only eyes to spot your child.

Edit--- Here's a good summary of it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Code_Adam
Whenever you guys come across places that don't do Code Adam, or anything similar (especially places like children's museums, which should know better!), you can totally speak to management about implementing it. I'm willing to bet that most places would be very willing to listen to anyone with safety concerns about their establishment.


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## AEZMama (Jul 24, 2005)

That happened to me with ds in Old Navy. DH was supposed to be watching ds so I could look on my own, which I did and when I caught up with dh he was looking at clothes. No ds in sight. I FLIPPED! I ask dh who gave the canned "He was right here" response and I went running through the store. A young guy asked if I was ok, then I realized he was an employee I told him I couldn't find my 2 yo light brown hair described clothes...all as I was running past (meanwhile dh is just standing at the door). Then the kid grabbed someone else who canvased the other side and he found me to say ds had been sitting at the base of a pants display...only his feet hanging out.

Dh got the hairy eyeball the rest of our trip.









Now, ds is Never out of my sight.


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

Yikes, I am crying my eyes out right now just from reading this, it is super scary. I would definitely be breaking down like a complete crazy person, hopefully would be coherent enough to keep things in motion and make sure they block the exits, someone scans the parking lot quickly, etc. I hear that this happens to every mama at some point- shudder.









My husband heard an Amber Alert on the radio once and just happened to see the vehicle they described- he called the police and kept following the vehicle and giving directions to dispatch until the police took over (he is a cop too but was off duty on his way in to work) and they let him help with the take-down and he got to take the little girl out of the car. Her pervert child-molester uncle had stolen her from the parents house or something and was near crossing state lines!


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## ryleeee (Feb 9, 2005)

holy smokes. i'm so glad your husband called in!

around christmas time i was at chapters with haye playing at the train table (which is stupidly located next to the front WIDE OPEN doors of the mall, and close to the malls exit doors) when a lady lost her <2 year old. i couldn't BELIEVE the amount of people just sitting around watching her frantically look for her sweet little girl while sipping their coffee and averting their eyes. PARENTS! i was so angry. i grabbed haye and alerted some staff of what the little girl looked like (they were stupid, and just stood around pointing out random kids for awhile...i frustratingly told them NO! SHE HAS RED HAIR! SHE IS WEARING PINK! SHE IS 2 . LOOK FOR HER!) finally about a minute or two in, they pointed her out to me and i grabbed her and hugged her and held her while she cried until her mom came. oh man. it was scary. so so so scary.
D:


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

> The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending./QUOTE]
> 
> that story has haunted me for years. I try to block it from my mind. I can not think too hard about it b/c I become undone..it is probably the worst thing I have ever heard. It is my story in defense of "harnesses" How that child suffrered is unfathomable.
> 
> ...


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## nevaehsmommy (Aug 6, 2007)

I lost my daughter at the St. Louis science center this week. I thought she was with my sister, sister thought she was with me. We were headed across the "bridge" that connects with the planterturium side, she must have realized we were leaving....I really dont know. As I was starting to panic a janitor asked me if I has lost a little girl and that she was at the pop corn area. Turns out that the lady working the pop corn stand scooped her up. We left but this time with her in the sling....


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

Quote:

that story has haunted me for years. I try to block it from my mind. I can not think too hard about it b/c I become undone..it is probably the worst thing I have ever heard. It is my story in defense of "harnesses"
Same for me.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









I know that story as well. I followed it when it happened. The store even had security cameras that caught the little boy being taken away by the older boys but that couldn't stop what happened to him.









What happened to that little boy is one of the reasons that I am vigilant when I'm in public with my DD. Either she's holding my hand, DH's hand, or she's in the stroller. We don't let her run around unless we're within grabbing distance of her. She doesn't get to hide under the clothes rack or get out of sight. I don't know how I would react if she were lost. I'd probably be shaking and crying. I'm not even sure I'd be coherent. I know when we called 911 after DD had a febrile seizure due to a very high fever I was glad my DH was there to make the call. I was just not in the frame of mind to make the call.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BookGoddess* 
I know that story as well. I followed it when it happened. The store even had security cameras that caught the little boy being taken away by the older boys but that couldn't stop what happened to him.









What happened to that little boy is one of the reasons that I am vigilant when I'm in public with my DD. Either she's holding my hand, DH's hand, or she's in the stroller. We don't let her run around unless we're within grabbing distance of her. She doesn't get to hide under the clothes rack or get out of sight. I don't know how I would react if she were lost.

I remember the story so well - I don't think anyone could ever forget it, in fact there has been a petition going around worldwide to stop the release of the boys who murdered the little boy, they are getting a complete new life in Australia because of all the hatred in the UK towards them. So sad. Sorry slightly OT

My little brother got lost at the Royal Highland Show, a huge agricultural show in Scotland at the age of 2.5/3 for 4 hours!!!!!!! This was in the late 1970s, the police were great but there just weren't enough of them to search the enormous area, the loud speakers were hopeless and my mother was quite honestly, more towards the end, in a complete state of shock, they found him playing on the huge tractors and other machinery, out of all the big burly farmers who were there not one of them - for over 4 hours - asked my brother were his mum or dad were, it was the scariest time of my life, we all thought we had lost him. My mum had also described him wearing his waterproof and hat, but he lost them on the machinery and so was theoretically wearing different clothes, or that's what one guy said, he said that they had been keeping an eye on him but just didn't respond - can you believe that?

My brother is now the proud father of 3 kids, in areas where they may get lost he's exceptionally vigilant and doesn't care if folk make comments about harnesses and the like. We take photos, reins and anything else we feel is necessary, the kids know our addresses and full names in both english and french and I give them a piece of paper, should get it laminated onto a card for them, our mobile numbers address etc.


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## Muaile (Sep 26, 2006)

that was jamie bulger it was awful. they did an experiment on our tv channel recently with parents and all the parents had spent the last week teaching their children the recommended stranger aware programme as by the experts. they interviewed the parents who all said they were 100% sure that their kids were stranger-proof. then they played the live stream of their kids happily getting into the back of vans, into cars, and off into woodlands with men (members of police force helping for the experiment)

from watching this i came to the conclusion that stranger-proofing doesn't work. children live in the moment, and they don't have the mind to fully understand what a "stranger" is. we drop them to school on their first day to a "stranger" and leave them, we chat happily to "strangers" in the market, we get into cars with "strangers" ie taximen. they can't understand what we mean, no matter how many times they say they've got it.

THE ONLY WAY TO ENSURE YOUR CHILD IS SAFE IS TO KEEP HIM/HER WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES. Don't give them any opportunity to wander out of the shop you are in, as happened with jamie bulger. I had a wrist leash for my dd, and i will use it for my ds. In large shopping centres my ds will have to stay in the buggy and after that when he is too big he will be leashed.

I always found it a good idea to tell my daughter that the policeman would give out if she didn't wear her wristleash/stay in the buggy. I'd point at a security guard and say he would come over and give out. it worked for me.

I got that leash after losing her in the supermarket, about 2 years after the whole jamie bulger thing so you can imagine my hysterics. what made it worse as i ran to the exit shouting "have you seen a little black haired girl" a woman said "oh yes she went out the car park door" - I couldn't believe anyone would let a two year old walk by them with no adult?

i always ask children on their own "can you go back to your mummy?" or "show me your mummy"


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:

he would come over and give out. it worked for me.
I think that might be a english thing. Give out what? a ticket?

anyway..I slept next to my little 2.5 year old last night and cried myself to sleep for that little Jamie.
I have to get out of this thread


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

After reading this thread I have decided to buy a harness...not for everyday use, but for crowded places. My DH is planning to take DS to the Auto Show this month.
I just wanted to share this link I came across http://www.childharness.ca/

I can't vouch for it, but it looks good - she addresses some problems with other harnesses on the market.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ed_tricia* 
I second telling kids to find a mommy w/ kids or someone in uniform is generally good also. .


From what I recall from Protecting the Gift, the idea of someone in uniform is not a good one. First, the chances of them seeing, say, a police officer, is next to zero at the moment that they need one. Second, many people wear uniforms, and that doesn't mean that they are trustworthy. I believe that in the book he gives examples of predators who were security guards etc, who might look safe to kids, but may well not be.

The lady with kids, or failing that, any lady is the best thing to tell your kids. I guess if they can take a further instruction, failing finding any woman there, find a dad with kids. But the chances are, anywhere that you are with your kids they'd find another woman easily. Soooo much safer than having them look for an employee or someone in uniform. Thinking about it, I can wander Home Depot for half an hour looking for someone who works there, so my kid would have no chance!


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









Me too, and it led me to buy harnesses for my kids, which they wore happily at the toddler stage. I don't care about other people's opinions, after following that case, I have absolutely no problem with anyone doing what they need to do to keep their kids near them when they are out in public.

So sad, I often think of that little boy and that poor family.


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## rootzdawta (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum* 
From what I recall from Protecting the Gift, the idea of someone in uniform is not a good one. First, the chances of them seeing, say, a police officer, is next to zero at the moment that they need one. Second, many people wear uniforms, and that doesn't mean that they are trustworthy. I believe that in the book he gives examples of predators who were security guards etc, who might look safe to kids, but may well not be.

The lady with kids, or failing that, any lady is the best thing to tell your kids. I guess if they can take a further instruction, failing finding any woman there, find a dad with kids. But the chances are, anywhere that you are with your kids they'd find another woman easily. Soooo much safer than having them look for an employee or someone in uniform. Thinking about it, I can wander Home Depot for half an hour looking for someone who works there, so my kid would have no chance!

Exactly. My mother always told me this but school always talked about going for a police officer. I agree . . . looking for a woman with children is much better.


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## Sweetmilo (Jun 30, 2007)

I am going to school for forensic science, and in my last class we went over a lot of cases where children were lost. (i'm preggo and was preggo throughout the whole class) so you can bet the kind of effect it had on me. Plus I have a 2 year old. It's nearly impossible for me to even leave her alone with my husbands brother without his wife there. He is a trustworthy guy, with a daughter of his own, but I still get nervous. She can't be alone with grandpa either (a friend of mine had a problem with her father, and her neice) I read the book about Adam, written by his father. I cried for weeks and I never let my daughter play anywhere where I can't see her.

Thanks for this post!! and I do mean that. Though the thought of losing a child is so scary, it should not be pushed aside, and I think a lot of people out there do that. the whole it's not going to happen to me bit.

Whenever I'm out in public, I'm so anal about keeping my daughter visible to me, that others get annoyed. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I have two babies (baby number 2 is due anyday now) But maybe I should buy some sort of leash. I have a maya wrap that I may use for that occasion.


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## quelindo (May 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









I think my head is going to explode imagining this happening to my sweet 2.5 year old son.

Thank you for starting this thread, OP. It's given me things to think about.


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

I lost DD in a Barnes and Noble once, when she was just 13 months old! (She was an early walker.) She always stayed right near me, so I turned my back on her for a minute to help DS with something and when I turned around again, she was gone. I looked around for a few minutes but it was so hard, she was so short and there were all those tall bookshelves. I told a clerk and she got on the intercom and issued an Amber Alert. Seeing the shocked, worried looks on everyone's faces was the worst.







I was pretty close to losing it but I held it together because I knew I had to, so I could be useful in helping to find her. Someone called out, "Here she is!" and they kind of herded her over to me - they were afraid t pick her up because they didn't want to freak her out. She was totally fine and unconcerned. I, on the other hand, promptly lost it and made a crying mess of myself. Fortunately everyone was sympathetic. But I can really understand that mama's panic reaction - it is a very scary thing.


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## Sierra (Nov 19, 2001)

(BTW, I have read stuff that makes me think the use of "stranger danger" education is inefficient and confusing at best, dangerous at worst.)

I understand _Protecting the Gift_ is a very good book.

My kids have special needs that put them at particular risk for both getting lost, and for being in especially great danger if lost. I have purchased backpack harnesses for them because there are times when holding them makes them cry and they refuse to hold my hand because they want to feel independent and have their hands free. My dw was horrified and hid the harnesses







. But she also feels more comfortable than I do with holding them even when it makes them cry, even over an extended period like at a museum.

I have lost ds briefly in a store. It is TERRIFYING. One thing I would add is that I have been "training" my kids for a while now to answer me if I call out, "Where are you [name]? Say 'here I am!'" with "Here I am mama." I was surprised that they actually have picked it up and will do it, even my ds who has language delays. We get a lot of practice using it around the house, and my kids seem to think it is funny, so that is good.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

I lost oldest DS in a grocery store once. He went up to CS & calmly gave his name & told them his mom wandered off & he needed help finding her. It was funny but gave me a new persective...kids don't just wander off, sometimes I guess moms do too...I can't recall the events exactely but I MAY HAVE strolled off thinking he was behind me.







He was very irritated with me.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum* 
The lady with kids, or failing that, any lady is the best thing to tell your kids. I guess if they can take a further instruction, failing finding any woman there, find a dad with kids.

Yes, it does work! Last time I was grocery shopping (with my two kids), a little girl about 7 or 8 came up to me and said "excuse me, I can't find my mom and my sister." She had clearly been looking around for a mom with kids. I immediately took her over to the service desk, and by the time we got there, her sister had come to find her.

I had a talk then and there with my kids telling them how that little girl did the right thing. How looking for a mom was a way to keep yourself safe. to which my dd replied "or a dad", and I told her, "moms are safer." Sad but true. My dd might easily go with someone who looks like a dad, even if he doesn't have kids with him.

I lost dd when she was a toddler, and those 2-3 minutes she was away were the most terrifying of my life. I don't even remember where it was or what I was doing -- we were outside and there were a lot of people. I had just reached panic moment when I saw her again. We got the harness after that!


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## RainCoastMama (Oct 13, 2004)

We take precautions and are proactive.

I'm big on roleplaying, and out of the blue, once in a while, I'd do the 'Little girl, are you lost?' one with my DD. Through repitition she remembered her whole name, our phone number, city, and who to go to ('a lady'). We sing-songed our phonenumber for a long time until she could recite it in her sleep.

I can't remember where I read this, but I got some great ideas for taking kids out, especially in crowds.

Write your cel # on their arms, and make sure they know what it is.

Take a photo of them with your camera phone that day, to show what they're wearing right then and there.

There are also cute, removable ID bracelets with vital info.

Caveat: this isn't necessarily to protect them from predators, per se (a predator will use a higher level of planning if they want to find a child







)
but really if they get *lost*.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
I had a talk then and there with my kids telling them how that little girl did the right thing. How looking for a mom was a way to keep yourself safe. to which my dd replied "or a dad", and I told her, "moms are safer." Sad but true. My dd might easily go with someone who looks like a dad, even if he doesn't have kids with him.


I thought about this, but didnt want to frighten my kids by teaching them that women are safer. I told them that women tend to be better at handling little kids. I know that's sexist, but I prefer that to 'men might be dangerous.' My dds responded with "Yeah, that's true. If a kid was lost, you'd be better at looking after them than Daddy." So they know, if they ever get lost, to ask a woman for help. We remind ourselves of this rule whenever we go anywhere in public. I just hope that if it ever came to it, they'd remember.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

I remember reading a post from an MDC mama who, when she goes to a large public place, asks her DC "who would you go to if you were lost here? And what would you say?" She said she thought she had trained her child well but when they role played she was horrified by the people her DC picked as potential saviors. I think it's a good idea to do such role playing on a regular basis. It helps the child, in a scary situation, to spot someone who might be better at helping them vs. finding someone who might make a sad situation tragic.


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## loitering (Mar 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RainCoastMama* 
We take precautions and are proactive.

I'm big on roleplaying, and out of the blue, once in a while, I'd do the 'Little girl, are you lost?' one with my DD. Through repitition she remembered her whole name, our phone number, city, and who to go to ('a lady'). We sing-songed our phonenumber for a long time until she could recite it in her sleep.

This thread is making me tear up like others have said, but I'm glad I read it because I'm going to use this idea.

My ds knows his full name, but I doubt he would ever tell it to someone he didn't know. He's so shy when he first meets people. I might start marking his clothes.


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## LilWin (Apr 25, 2007)

It's a horrible moment when you look around and can't find your baby.







I lost DD at the zoo in the summer. I thought she was still in the playground, looked around and my heart just stopped because I couldn't find her. I alerted everyone in the group and we all walked in a different direction to find her. I was the one who found her, she had climbed up a flight of wooden stairs into a watchtower.







Without even thinking I asked someone a pen and wrote my cellphone number on her arm. She didn't even know her own name at the time. It was VERY scary. I got some good ideas here!


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## p.s (May 27, 2005)

This thread is making cry. i think i may just break down and buy one of those harnesses.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

We lost DS (5) at Disneyworld. One second he was holding onto the sroller, the next he was yanked away by a mob of people. I saw him go, jammed in between another stroller and a large pair of legs, I could not reach him for the people, nor could DH who was carrying our other DS (3). I just started screaming for everyone to stop moving.....no one seemed to notice. It was absolutely horrifying. When we finally broke through the crowd he was gone. I alerted security who seemed rather nonchalant about the whole thing....
After half hour I started thinking statistics, I could hardly breath....and people just weren't taking it seriously!!!!!
We finally found him, a lady turned him in to child care- an hour later.


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## oliversmum2000 (Oct 10, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









everybody does....

him and madeleine mccann


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## LavenderMae (Sep 20, 2002)

I actually don't remember hearing the story about that little boy. Just reading what was posted here though is breaking my heart, that poor little boy.









Thank you for this thread. This is of course not something we really like to think about but it's very much needed.

I would most likely panic. The things that would be going through my head.









Since reading _the Gift of Fear_ I tell my children to find a mom with kids if they are ever lost. I also tell them to trust their instincts about people and not to doubt what they are feeling.


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## chamomeleon (Jun 6, 2005)

I also want to say thank you for this thread. It made me realize that I had never really talked to my 2.5 yr. old son about what to do if he gets lost in a public place. I know how important it is, it's just one of those things that you never want to think about happening, so you put it out of your mind.

While I was playing trains with him today after reading this thread, the perfect opportunity came up when he handed me one of his train guys and told me he was a sad baby because he lost his Mama. (!) I asked him what he would do if he ever lost me while we were in a store or somewhere like the Children's Museum, and he said he didn't know. Following the advice here, I told him that the best thing to do would be to find another Mommy with her kids, to say that he lost his Mommy and ask for help, etc. He seemed SO HAPPY when I told him this stuff - he said, "Oh! OK!!" and gave me a huge hug - that it made me wonder if he has thought/worried about this before and just didn't have the words to ask me about it.

I left it at that because I didn't want to scare him, but how do you know when & how much to say??


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

What would I do? Probably run around screaming for him/her and telling everyone else to look as well, though I know you should tell a manager and a lof places will get locked down.

I teach my kids that if they cant find mom, they are to ask a lady, preferably another mommy, for help.

Quote:

We lost DS (5) at Disneyworld. One second he was holding onto the sroller, the next he was yanked away by a mob of people. I saw him go, jammed in between another stroller and a large pair of legs, I could not reach him for the people, nor could DH who was carrying our other DS (3). I just started screaming for everyone to stop moving.....no one seemed to notice. It was absolutely horrifying. When we finally broke through the crowd he was gone. I alerted security who seemed rather nonchalant about the whole thing....
After half hour I started thinking statistics, I could hardly breath....and people just weren't taking it seriously!!!!!
We finally found him, a lady turned him in to child care- an hour later.
omg ... that must have been the longest and worst hour of your life ... we are going to Disney next weekend... i think the kids will go on a leash ... .(only half kidding)


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

I lost my DD at a Bob Marley Festival when she was 2. I was walking toward the stage and i looked away from her for literally 5 seconds and she was GONE. I immediately went to the stage and had them make an announcement. I then went around the area I had last seen her and looked and looked. I think it was only 5 minutes later, I looked up at the stage and someone was holding her up like "Is this your child?" WHEW. Honestly, though, with that crowd I wasn't as concerned with her being taken as I was with her just being scared. Oh, and of course the contact high


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## emelsea (Jun 21, 2005)

When we go to big, public places, I take a sharpie marker and write our last name and my cell # on his back, and he knows that if he gets lost, that he should find another mommy and show her his back.

He's 3, and last month we went to one of those huge indoor gyms. One minute DS was playing in the gym, and the next minute he was gone. He had exited the gym area from a different door than where he went "in", and couldn't find the table where I was.

He went up by the exit of the building and (from what I was told) stood by the coat racks crying for a minute or two, and when a woman finally asked him if he was OK, he pulled up his shirt and showed her his back.

Needless to say, but I hate those gym things. I get so anxious when I can't see DS for a few minutes, and now I'll never know if he's just playing in the tunnels somewhere, or if he's been snatched or wandered away.

I still make DS ride in a stroller when we are out shopping or running errands. I get *looks* from a lot of people who obviously think he's too big for a stroller, but I don't care. Better safe than sorry.

I would so install LoJack on this kid if it were available for humans.


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## firespiritmelody (Oct 13, 2005)

When my youngest started walking well and not wanting to be in the stroller or held the whole time we were out and about, we bought an adorable little back pack harness that looks like a monkey. The arms stap around her chest like he is hugging her and the tail is the leash part. It has a little pocket so she sees it as a purse/back pack rather then a leash.

This was worked really really well for us. Its soft and comfortable for her to wear and she thinks its fun. I think its more empowering for her then a regular harness would be too. I think we bought it at toys r us, but i've seen it at other places too and now they even have teddy bears and dogs.

I own a pet store and about 10 years ago a lady came in and bought out my whole stock of large adjustable dog collars and 6' leashes in every color. When I asked why she was buying so many (around 15 sets total) she told me she was a preschool teacher and was going to put the colars on the kids like belts so during outings, they could keep better track of them. I've never done this, but it made me giggle and seems like it might work


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## henhao (Dec 17, 2004)

A lot of the good ideas have been shared.

I suggest reading Gavin deBecker's Protecting the Gift about measures you can take to protect your child from evildoers.

A child wandering off is one scary event. Protecting the Gift teaches about how to prevent anyone using social engineering on you to give up your child.

It happens! We all say we'd never do it, but it's easier said than done.

One of the tactics a predator will use is saying you're overprotective or something similar. The idea is that you would then want to prove you are NOT overprotective and give permission for something or other that would allow the predator (a person who looks quite friendly and nice) to wander off with your child.

You are probably thinking you would never ever do that. However, it happens and is a nightmare for the parent.

I just had to share this book title when I saw the name of this thread.

I'll also be using some of your ideas.







der off.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Muaile* 
i always ask children on their own "can you go back to your mummy?" or "show me your mummy"









:
And "alone" means any child I can't identify a caretaker for within 3 seconds of seeing the child.


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## Maxine45 (Oct 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chamomeleon* 
I also want to say thank you for this thread. It made me realize that I had never really talked to my 2.5 yr. old son about what to do if he gets lost in a public place. I know how important it is, it's just one of those things that you never want to think about happening, so you put it out of your mind.

While I was playing trains with him today after reading this thread, the perfect opportunity came up when he handed me one of his train guys and told me he was a sad baby because he lost his Mama. (!) I asked him what he would do if he ever lost me while we were in a store or somewhere like the Children's Museum, and he said he didn't know. Following the advice here, I told him that the best thing to do would be to find another Mommy with her kids, to say that he lost his Mommy and ask for help, etc. He seemed SO HAPPY when I told him this stuff - he said, "Oh! OK!!" and gave me a huge hug - that it made me wonder if he has thought/worried about this before and just didn't have the words to ask me about it.

I left it at that because I didn't want to scare him, but how do you know when & how much to say??

That's wonderful! I'm so glad you were able to have that dialogue with him.
And it makes sense that he was relieved but I never would have guessed it's something children think/worry/wonder about.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

For places we went regularly, we were told who to go to--librarians, cashiers, front desk of the children's museum, so forth--it had the bonus effect that if we'd ever gone missing we'd definitely head to one location. Mom would also introduce us to the people in question when we were little.

When we were a bit older, like 8+, we had a family whistle--if you realize you can't see the other people, you'd whistle, then they'd whistle in response. Also good when we were teens and would do stuff like go get the milk while Mom got bread, a lot faster to get back together.


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

I took my 2 older kids to the local international gem show this weekend and thanks to this thread wrote my cell phone number on their hands and told them where to go (registration) or a gem dealer if we got separated. We didn't!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ScootchsMom* 
We also keep explaining to her what a stranger is, and to not talk to strangers unless we say it is ok. She is naturally shy of strangers anyway, so she gets it already.

I know it's been mentioned already, but you should definitely read "Protecting the Gift." It talks about how it could actually be dangerous to teach your children to never talk to strangers, and the best thing you can teach them is to go to a woman if they get lost.


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## sunbaby (Sep 30, 2002)

dd knows to go to a woman for help, especially a mommy with children if she sees one.
i havent started this talk with ds, i'm not sure hes old enough to get it. but i have lost him at a park in our friendly community, and the first thing i do if i look around me 360 degrees and dont see him, before i wander away searching, i say loudly enough for other parents to hear, 'i cant find my son." its happened twice, and parents at the park are on it right away both times, asking what he looks like, and saying, you go this way, i'll go that way. and if you look at the exits first, and then stroll in from there, well, it doesnt take long to find a kid and be sure hes not headed for the road on his own (or worse.) other parents are eager to help, and everyone rejoices when a child is found quietly playing in a corner. if i lost him in a store, i would not hesitate to call out "lost child', and direct employees to lock down if they arent acting fast enough. i have been called overreactive and overprotective before, but seriously, when it comes to keeping your kid ALIVE, im not sure there is such a thing.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I'm so glad you posted this. This is something I (and all other mamas) need to think about before it actually happens. I haven't reminded my DS in a very long time to find a mama with kids if he ever gets lost, so I'm going to tell him that again tonight.


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









Oh God, WHY did I have to Google that?!







:

That is the most horrible thing imaginable.


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## nabigus (Sep 23, 2004)

I'll be the umpteenth person recommending "Protecting the Gift." I think one of the things I like most about the book is how un-alarmist it is. The chances of your baby being snatched off the street are very, very small. Scary, yes, absolutely. But de Becker really gives a broader picture, not only of what to teach your kids so that they're safe if they get lost, but also of how to help them grow into independent children and teenagers and adults who navigate the world safely and carefully. I got it from the library and then ordered a copy--it's really really worth reading, even if you already have a good system in place for what to do in emergency situations like this.

I like the idea of an ID bracelet (or anklet, maybe). My ds can say his first and last name, but I'm not sure someone unfamiliar would be able to decipher what he was saying. And he likes to play number games, so we haven't been able to get him to say our whole cell phone number without "playing" with the order yet.

Great thread, thanks for the ideas. A lot of this just wasn't on my radar.

Edited to ask: Anyone know where I can get an ID bracelet out of one of those rubbery materials, like the yellow "Live" bracelets?


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## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Oh God, WHY did I have to Google that?!







:

That is the most horrible thing imaginable.









: Poor, sweet baby.
















Thank you for this thread. I am going to order those books. (Protecting the Gift and The Gift of Fear)


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Oh God, WHY did I have to Google that?!







:

That is the most horrible thing imaginable.


Sorry to have brought it up







:

However, it is really important to remember that this RARELY occurs - very very very very very very very seldom!

OT - It's kind of like how the movie Jaws scarred me for life! Shark attacks are also very very rare.


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## meggles (Mar 9, 2004)

I looked at this thread because dh and I helped out a 'lost' child at the playground just two days ago. Her parents and siblings were there along with some friends, and they up and LEFT her at the park and walked home. This little girl was only in the second grade! My dh noticed her alone and crying and went over to find out what was wrong. She said that she was lost and couldn't find her mom. She knew her mom's cell phone number and we called it, but no one answered. We walked around the playground and park to see if she saw her mom or anyone in the group she was with, but they were no where to be found. We kept calling the cell phone, but no one answered. Mind you, by this time the sun was near setting and the little girl was extremely upset. She said she knew where she lived, but we didn't want to get into taking her there for fear her parents would turn up at the playground. About 30 minutes later, her mom drives up and is like, "So THERE you are." She had left the park with the group and walked home, forgetting her daughter behind! Dh tried to convey how NOT OKAY it was that she left her kid alone at the park and how upset the child had been; that we'd been calling and calling her, looking for her, etc. She didn't say much, was just like, "Okay..." Something about her was "off," though we weren't sure what. She quickly hauled the girl into the car and they were gone. So weird. She wasn't visibly under the influence of anything, just incredibly irresponsible. She didn't know us from Adam. Yeah, we're good people, but we could've been kidnappers, whatever. We got the impression that maybe it wasn't the first time this thing had happened. So, sometimes it is the parents' fault, too. (Though I don't know anyone who has left their kid somewhere, consciously or not).

On another note, when I was about two, I was nearly taken. I lived in a small, rural-ish town in upstate New York. I was playing with my mom (who had my newborn brother in a sling) and our dog. We were the only people on a huge grassy field at a park. I was 100-200 feet away from my mom and my brother, wandering around. (This is from my mom's memory, and imo I was way too far away, but it was a small town without crime and this was decades ago when people were less fearful). A man appeared out of nowhere and started towards me, walking faster and faster until he was nearly running directly in my directon. My mom was too far away to get to me first (and she was still postpartum and carrying a tiny baby, not exactly able to break into a fast run). She screamed out and our golden retriever (and my best friend when I was little) ran over to me, putting herself between me and the man, who was still a little ways away from me. She started barking like she was an attack dog (something she never did before) and then man got scared off and left. The story gives me shivers even though I don't remember it happening.

I choose to be a little overprotective and just rely on my intuition. I'd rather be safe than sorry.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

There is a concept, I think it is called "diffusion of reponsibility" - the idea that the more people there to be responsible for something, the less likely someone will actually take care of it, because everyone thinks someone else will. I have seen this in action in my own home, when there's alot of family around and no one person has been given the task of watching the young children. It is something to be aware of even when out with just your partner & your child - you know.."I thought you were watching her." "NO! I thought YOU were watching her!".


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## noeonend (Feb 2, 2007)

Thanks Ladies! I have a 2 yo, adn this is some good stuff to think about!


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## Muaile (Sep 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipumpkins* 
I think that might be a english thing. Give out what? a ticket?

anyway..I slept next to my little 2.5 year old last night and cried myself to sleep for that little Jamie.
I have to get out of this thread










To Give Out - To Scold

An irishism!!


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Thank you.


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## dex_millie (Oct 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *becoming* 
Oh God, WHY did I have to Google that?!







:

That is the most horrible thing imaginable.

I went and did the same. I never heard of this story. Judging from the dates I was 10 when this happened, I hate hearing stories like that, stories like that haunts me from a very young age - I always think about my sister and cousins. Now I have a son, I am paranoid not to leave him out my site. DH lets him run around by the next aisle, and doesn't see him for a few seconds but says he can hear his shoes





















: WTF. Men are just not as worried as women(moms).

It is funny I see this tonight I was just nursing DS to sleep and was thinking, how I would react if he disappeared or if someone took him, thinking about it just had my heart pounding and I literary started to get really hot. I don't know why, I think about these stuff alot.

I am glad to see alot of suggestions. I am definately going to impliment them, besides keeping an eye on him like a Hark!


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## Jess A (May 26, 2006)

We lost my oldest for the longest minute of our lives when he was about two. It was one of those I thought he was with DH and DH thought he was with me.

We were in an arcade on the boardwalk and to this day, I will never forget the look on my husband's face when I came strolling over with more coins and no Jake.

When we realized what had happened, I honestly couldn't breathe. For a second or two, I really thought I was going to die. Then I started frantically looking and DH ran for the front door. He found DS *outside* looking at the rides. The following year, we were back (with new respect for communication regarding DS), and as we were walking on the boardwalk enjoying ice cream together, we saw a frantic mom on a phone with police nearby. She had lost her child and hadn't found him yet. My legs went weak and I started to cry and we had to back to our hotel room. It hit too close to home.

I get very nervous in public if I can't see all my kids all the time. Some of my friends are way more relaxed about it, to the point of it making me nervous, but I always remember that evening on the boardwalk and the tiny glimpse of what it is like to _not know where your child is_.

We base our rules on the situation, and we discuss the rules while going to our location. Not in a scary way, but in a matter of fact way. If we're going to the park, for example, and the kids are playing in a fenced play area, they know they can roam but must stay inside the fence. So while I can't always see my 8 year old when I'm keeping the 1 year old from eating sand, it's a confined area, and I know he won't leave it.

Now if we're headed to the amusement park (we go often with season passes), the rules change totally. All children must remain in sight at all times. If it's really crowded, the 4 year old gets in the stroller or holds hands. My 8 year old likes to run ahead . . . as long as we can see him, we let him based on the crowds there. Bathroom trips are always with a parent. If they get separated, they are to go to an employee or mom with kids.

I think for us, the bigs things are that we take note of what they are wearing. I bring my camera everywhere and usually take a pic of all three at the beginning of each big outing. We also discuss the rules with them and what to do so they feel empowered. And then we watch them . . . often, we'll not even really talk much to each other because when all 3 are walking and engaged, it's hard to keep track of them all. When we went to the Farm Show this year, MIL met us, and she talked to DH the ENTIRE time . . . never noticing he was trying to help keep track of kids. Made me INSANE--especially that he didn't tell her what he was trying to do (even though it bothered him, too). But I digress.

I actually worry about my oldest the most . . . he's so often in his own world and shows no knowledge of what's around him. My four year old, on the other hand, shows much more knowledge of her surroundings and seems more "tuned in" if that makes any sense. The 1 year old won't go near anyone else without screaming, so I think we're good there for now.

A scary thread . . . my eyes teared up too . . . but a good one as well. Lots of good ideas.


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## SillyLilStinkweed (Jul 9, 2007)

That's a good idea to have all exits locked/watched.

I always told my 5 year old to find a nice looking woman if he's lost. A few weeks ago we were at a HUGE craft fair in Denver. My mom was watching my 5 y/o and 1 y/o. She walked up to my and said "Hold the baby, I can't find Sage" She went one was, I went the other. I found him surrounded by 5 old ladies, crying. I hugged him and told him he did the right thing. He really learned from that.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

*teach your child to "stay in the same spot"*

I dont think my ds would have followed my directions at age 2, but I still taught him that, after seeing a higgly town heros with that theme.


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## mamademateo (Feb 13, 2005)

a while ago my ds (3 at the time) ran off at the childrens museum. my instincts told me he was still in the building. but i always 2nd guess myself just to be sure. i asked one of the staff if they had seen him and immediately they were on the walkie talkie telling everyone his discription. i found him minutes later operating the giant crane. it was scary for those minutes but it was nice to see how quickly the staff took action.


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

DD1 has jingle bells attached to all her shoes (ok, her "outdoor shoes")... she loves the way she jingles when she walks and I love the fact that I can "hear" her and know even without looking if she is wandering off. It's super easy to do and it's amazing how many people have seen/heard dd and been like "I am going to do that too!".

In terms of the OP:
--alert staff. They should have a lost child plan in place
--carry recent photo (LOVE the cell phone pic next to reference point idea)
--personal info/contact info in shoe or on a non-visible area (so abductor doesn't know name/addy as a lure but kiddo can display info if necessary)

Some good info in this thread... great ideas and reminders.


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## BMG580 (Jun 19, 2007)

When I was a nanny and I would take the kids to public places like a big park or a museum or even a movie, I would write down their names, my name, my cell phone number and their parent's names and phone number on a piece of paper and fold it up and put it in their shoe. The kids (4 and 6 at the time) knew that if we got separated to go to a female adult and hand them the slip of paper. Not a perfect solution but it made me feel like at least there was contact information that wouldn't easily get lost.


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## Purplehaze (Oct 28, 2006)

in the summer I try to dress my kids in either neon - easy- my boys( ages 12 and 6) have lots of neon green and neon orange T-shirts, or BRIGHT tie dye- easier to spot them and keep an eye on them.

My Dd is a runner. She is 2 and it scares the heack out of me... she likes to sneak down to the garage and go out, especially when Dh si home and is in and out of the garage wiht the garage doors open, like if he is working on something.


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Yes, it does work! Last time I was grocery shopping (with my two kids), a little girl about 7 or 8 came up to me and said "excuse me, I can't find my mom and my sister." She had clearly been looking around for a mom with kids. I immediately took her over to the service desk, and by the time we got there, her sister had come to find her.
*
I had a talk then and there with my kids telling them how that little girl did the right thing. How looking for a mom was a way to keep yourself safe. to which my dd replied "or a dad", and I told her, "moms are safer." Sad but true. My dd might easily go with someone who looks like a dad, even if he doesn't have kids with him.*

I lost dd when she was a toddler, and those 2-3 minutes she was away were the most terrifying of my life. I don't even remember where it was or what I was doing -- we were outside and there were a lot of people. I had just reached panic moment when I saw her again. We got the harness after that!

I think that it would be MUCH easier for a woman (especially with other children) to leave a store with a struggling toddler than in would be a man. After all, men are much more suspicious, right?







:


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

I struggle with the question of whether to tell my DS that "a woman is safer". In recent years here, there was a very prominent case of child (young teen) abduction, horrible sexual assault and murder, by a female & male couple. There has been ALOT of coverage of this case, and the woman was definitely a full, active and willing participant and perpetrator.









THe above poster raises a very good point, that a woman could much more easily carry off a struggling child without anyone suspecting anything, than a man.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

You may not like that men are more suspicious, but they are. Every man is aware of it. Every man would prefer that their child approach a mom.

Further, *a woman with children* is the LEAST likely person to take off with a child.

You can stranger-danger your children. But the common advice people give doesn't work. Teaching your children that they should listen to their fear works much better. Telling them that you don't want them to be nice to someone they don't know. That Mommy and Daddy don't WANT them to be nice to people they don't know. Mommy and Daddy want them to ignore them, and it is okay to not answer or do as they are told.

We practice the occassional "You know how you have one those temper tantrums where you flip around and scream and make yourself feel like a million pounds of fury? Do that. And yell, "I don't know you put me down!" Then we try it out so that they feel free to use their voice.

I've recently had some experience with someone trying to steal one of my daughters, and while I did the wrong thing, the thing I did right was NOT teaching her stranger danger.

Teaching her that adults DO NOT coax children away, or ask children for help. Good adults would NOT ask a child for help. Good adults do NOT want you to leave the area. Good adults will NOT offer you food or a pet. Good adults will find your parents.

And for this reason, and this reason only did my daughter not get taken by a WOMAN who was with a man. Very crafty. The next week, this happened again around here only with the man by himself. Thankfully that one failed too.

Telling them to not talk to strangers doesn't work, because the idea of "stranger" is immediately undone by a competent charming individual in a matter of seconds. I'm not a stranger, I'm Demeter9 and I am a Mommy and it is all going to be okay. Because a child WANTS to give away that responsibility to an adult.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
I struggle with the question of whether to tell my DS that "a woman is safer". In recent years here, there was a very prominent case of child (young teen) abduction, horrible sexual assault and murder, by a female & male couple. There has been ALOT of coverage of this case, and the woman was definitely a full, active and willing participant and perpetrator.









THe above poster raises a very good point, that a woman could much more easily carry off a struggling child without anyone suspecting anything, than a man.

A woman with a man not so much. A woman by herself still not great, particularly with babies.

A woman who has children with her.

I would like it to be men with children too. But I lived in a neighbourhood with a "popcorn stroll." Seeing men in minivans with child seats picking up 12 year old hookers will cure you of that for sure.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Muaile* 
I always found it a good idea to tell my daughter that the policeman would give out if she didn't wear her wristleash/stay in the buggy. I'd point at a security guard and say he would come over and give out. it worked for me.

I'm not sure what the term "give out"means, but it sound nasty.

My father was a cop. One time he overheard a woman telling her little boy, "If you're not good, I'm going to call that policeman."

My father went up to them and told the boy, "And if she does, I'll get you an ice cream cone."

The mother was shocked. My dad explained that if the boy is ever in trouble and afraid of the police, who will help him? You should always make sure your children trust police officers, fire fighters, etc.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emelsea* 
When we go to big, public places, I take a sharpie marker and write our last name and my cell # on his back, and he knows that if he gets lost, that he should find another mommy and show her his back.


This is such a good idea.

My own story. I was going to take my two older girls to a crazy children's museum. I had on my mind the worry of watching them both alone at a place like that. I was just really worried the night before.

Typically, my toddler wants to go in one direction, my 6 yo in another. Anyway, while I was watching them both at 2 different activities that were 3 feet away from one another, I lost my 6 yo. I bent down to give something to my toddler. When I got up, my 6 yo was gone. In the moment I'd bent down, she thought she'd lost me. By chance, my friend walked by and thought I'd left my 6 yo alone while I went to the bathroom (no, no, no, I'd never do that!!!!) and took her to where we had planned on meeting.

I could NOT believe my 6 yo would just go off. She is not like that, never has been. But, she panicked, saw a mom (she knew) as we taught her, and then that was that. Meanwhile, I walked around the area twice, and was heading to the main desk when there she was. I was so mad. Mad that she did not stay put for less than a minute. I know-- she DID do what I had told her, but wow, that was awful. We were all freaked out!


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## AlainaFrederick (Mar 10, 2006)

I haven't even made it through 3 pages of replies yet but I just have to say some things before I'm teared up so bad I can't see the screen!!

Yesterday we took the kids to the mall to play (darn cold, rainy weather!) and while there we thought a snack was in order.
I was wearing our youngest ds (6 wks) in a ring sling and my other two were eating their snacks and DH went for something for himself. DS1 (4yr) decided he wanted to go find DH and just ran...I jumped and ran after him yelling STOP all the while keeping my head turned to watch DS2 (2.5yr). It was a few seconds of terror to have to keep running after DS1 and what happened if DS2 decided to get up. UGH! Then afterwards I was thinking what if some creep had been watching me thinking I had my hands full and eventually something like that would happen and that would be his chance!









Also, we went shopping at a Sams Club a while ago with my mom. DS and I were looking at the train table while my mom was checking out...when DS didn't see her or I (I could see him over the train display) he just jumped and ran towards the door thinking we had left him (I think that's what he thought) and the lady saw me coming after him and saw him running and immediately stepped in front of the door and graped a piece of paper with a smiley face on it and put it in front of her and said "Hey, would you like to color this" DS stopped and looked at it and it was long enough for me to catch up. She asked him were his mommy was and he looked around and then turned around and point to me and said "There you are"

While I'm glad that she stopped him and asked HIM where his parents were...it made me think that my son will stop for anything that looks cool!! The same thing she did to stop him is the same types of things creeps do...









Reminds me to have the look for a mommy talk

THANK YOU for this post...no matter how sad it is....it's a fact of life


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Demeter9* 
We practice the occassional "You know how you have one those temper tantrums where you flip around and scream and make yourself feel like a million pounds of fury? Do that. And yell, "I don't know you put me down!" Then we try it out so that they feel free to use their voice.

Teaching her that adults DO NOT coax children away, or ask children for help. Good adults would NOT ask a child for help. Good adults do NOT want you to leave the area. Good adults will NOT offer you food or a pet. Good adults will find your parents.

I've heard you should teach children to yell, "You are not my mommy/daddy" if someone tries to take them. I think combining that with the good adults don't... advise is good.

A funny story amongst the bleak...I was in a grocery parking lot once. A girl of about 3 or 4 was calmly sitting in the shopping cart while the mother loaded the car. The girl was screaming, "You're not my mommy. You're not my mommy." Then she would stop and smirk at her mother. Every person in that parking lot was watching and evaluating. Based on the child's behavior, it was clear this was her mother. That poor woman. You could see she knew she was being watched and that she could not reprimand her child or hordes of us would have been on her.

Another into the mind of a child story...When I was 6 or 7 my mom and her friend took me and the other kids to the lake. There were sand dune hills around it that we kids were playing in. A man came up and asked if he could take our pictures. Being a generous, helpful kid, I offered to help. He had me sit and pose. The other kids were bored and left. Nothing happened after that. He didn't hurt me. When he was done, I went back and joined everyone else. I don't remember my mom even asking why I'd been by myself. I look back at that and think how lucky I was. Even at 6 or 7 I was quite trusting and helpful. My father was a cop, but I don't remember ever being told what to do if there were problems. I really like the "good adults don't..." idea.

I also like writing numbers on arms. My 27 month son won't let anyone else touch him, but I don't know what he'd do if we got separated. If he knew where I was, he'd scream if someone tried to touch him. But what if he knew he was lost? Would he let anyone pick him up without screaming?


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

BTW, this issue is one of the BIG reasons I won't have more than 3 children.







I worry that more would be too hard to supervise.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mybabysmama* 
The mother was shocked. My dad explained that if the boy is ever in trouble and afraid of the police, who will help him? You should always make sure your children trust police officers, fire fighters, etc.

Police officers, fire fighters, etc, can be predators - or, predators can be disguised as police officers, fire fighters, etc. I totally am with you on not having your kids *fear* them, but 100% trust is not a good idea either, sadly.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
Police officers, fire fighters, etc, can be predators - or, predators can be disguised as police officers, fire fighters, etc. I totally am with you on not having your kids *fear* them, but 100% trust is not a good idea either, sadly.









I agree to an extent, but think of that kid who was lost in the woods with searchers calling his name. He hid from them because that's essentially what he'd been taught to do.

The chances of a child being abducted are much smaller than the chances of a child simply being lost.

I have checked with our library and reserved the 2 books mentioned here to learn more about this subject. For now I will be putting a marker in my purse for when we go to "big" places.


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## N8'sMom (Jun 25, 2007)

I just googled the James Bulger abduction story and I am thisclose
to throwing up right now. It turned my stomach. So sad.

I will never EVER roll my eyes at moms or dads with a leash on their
kid EVER AGAIN. If that keeps them with you and safe, then
God bless you. You do what you have to do.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I think that it would be MUCH easier for a woman (especially with other children) to leave a store with a struggling toddler than in would be a man. After all, men are much more suspicious, right?







:

Yes, men are much more suspicious, and with good reason. A man is much much much more likely to harm your child than a woman is. It's just the way it is.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mybabysmama* 
I agree to an extent, but think of that kid who was lost in the woods with searchers calling his name. He hid from them because that's essentially what he'd been taught to do.

I don't know that story, do you have a name or link? Anyway, yeah, I'm not by any means advocating teaching your child stranger-danger...more along the lines of "what good adults do/don't do" and trusting your gut.


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## AlainaFrederick (Mar 10, 2006)

I had to do it...I googled the story. I couldn't finish reading it but I had my DH read it. He almost cried and now he says I need to homeschool the boys and I can order food and other supplies so I don't have to leave with the kids.

It really shook him up and me.

He really liked though the ideas of what to do to help your kids understand were to go when mommy or daddy are lost


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## Simplicity (Mar 24, 2004)

Thank you for giving me something to think about tonight and every day. Great ideas in this thread. I hope I never have to go through it but if I do, I have ideas now.

After reading some posts though my heartaches. How scary to even think about let alone read about.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *N8'sMom* 
I will never EVER roll my eyes at moms or dads with a leash on their
kid EVER AGAIN. If that keeps them with you and safe, then
God bless you. You do what you have to do.

When I used a monkey backpack/harness on DD, I did not care what anyone else thought. I thought-- what is more important? Do I care more about what people think, or do I care if my DD gets hit by a car, or runs away and gets lost? Guess what I picked!


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Don't Talk to Strangers and Other Parenting Myths
By Alyssa Dver

No doubt, parenting is tricky. Parenting information changes all the time plus everyone feels compelled to give their personal, often contradicting, opinions. Unfortunately, even some of the basic "rules" of parenting can't be trusted. Here we discuss four such myths that can make life or death differences.

MYTH #1: I am a careful, watchful parent and my kids are well behaved so they will never get lost.
It happens to virtually everyone: 7 out of 10 children will experience being lost at least once in their lives1. 90% of families will be impacted and the traumatic memories of these incidents will forever remain in the minds of both the parent and child1. We teach our children to be curious and independent but then we scold then for getting accidentally lost. Therefore, it is actually good parents that realize this is a common situation. They proactively teach their children that getting lost can be dangerous and they all know what to if it happens. While most incidents result in safe returns, both children and adults often retain traumatic memories for the rest of their lives.

MYTH #2: Don't talk to strangers.
When a child gets lost, he/she may be too scared, too young, or simply unable to communicate to assist an adult that is trying to help find the child's caregiver. One of the best safety practices is to tell your child to find another mommy if he/she gets lost. There is an important difference in empowering your child to ask a stranger for help versus having a stranger approach your child unsolicited. Mommies are easy to identify and find in most family venues - plus mommies are usually eager to help (and least likely to harm) a distressed child.

MYTH #3: Don't put identification outside of your child's clothing.
Safe identification includes a cell phone number that is visible and easily accessible on a child. If the child is lost, another person can quickly call to reunite the onsite caregiver. Do not hide the information in a shoe or in the child's clothing. You do not want a stranger undressing your child to find such a clue. Even if your child knows their home phone number, you don't want to continuously be dialing your home voicemail to see if there is any information about your lost child.

Many parents worry about having a child's name visible. Even though most children will willingly give a stranger their name, there are dozens of other ways that a predator can lure your child away. However, putting the child's address is actually very dangerous because in the wrong hands, your home can become a target. Whether going to a mall, to a ballgame, or to school, young children should always have safe identification visibly on them.

MYTH #4: My entire family dresses in the same color when we go to a crowded place.
It may be cute but it is rather ineffective to put your family in the same colors unless they are very bright. A small child can be much more easily spotted if they are in bright green or bright yellow. Wearing such colors (hats, shirts, jackets, etc.) can make it easier for you to see them. If you need to get other people's help to find a lost child, the bright colors make it easier for them too. It is more helpful to describe a child's physical attributes (hair color, eye color, height, weight, etc.) when you can also note that they are wearing a unique color. Keep that clothing as a special outfit for when you do venture away from home. This will help you remember what the child is wearing should you need to recall that under stress.

These four parenting myths are just some of the unfortunate bad parenting advice that has been passed down for generations and not been updated given new technology and information. Realize that these myths can be very harmful to your child and be a smart parent by preparing yourself and your family. With less effort than it takes to put on a seatbelt, teach your children not to get lost and what to do in case it happens.

For more information including a checklist of 'Away from Home' tips and a free audio seminar, visit www.wander-wear.com.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

http://www.preventinglostchildren.or...20Oh%20My!.pdf

Getting Hysterical Isn't the Best Solution
When a parent realizes that his/her child is unexpectedly not standing next to them, a typical reaction is to scream out the child's name. If the child is not close by, screaming obviously won't help locate them quickly (and could in fact alert a nearby child predator that your child is now by themselves). It is important to realize that non-family abduction is thankfully relatively rare
(100 out of 1.3 million). Most of the time, chances are that children are lost because they simply wandered off accidentally. Therefore, try to remain clear-headed so you can productively find your child. While high tech products are slowly finding their way into the market that will help keep track and/or find children, the technology still remains expensive and is not always easy to use, nor is it completely reliable. There are, however, non-technical products and best practices that parents and caregivers can use effectively to avoid the potential harm that can happen when a child is lost.

Put Safe, Easily Accessible Contact Information on Your Child
The most common advice given to parents is to tell their children to meet at a designated place if they become separated from their families. Unfortunately, small children usually cannot remember or find an unfamiliar place - especially when they are scared. Even children up to the age of 10 will have difficulty remembering the meeting place or other basic information such as
their home phone number. While there is no substitute for parental/caregiver attention, the best thing you can do to prepare is to put your cell phone number on your child in an easily accessible place. This allows another adult to see and use it easily to quickly contact you or the caregiver that is out with your child (your mother-in-law, babysitter, etc.). A cell phone number does not provide any dangerous information that can lead a stranger to the child's home or school. Even if your child can recall your home phone number, the cell phone number is a much quicker way to reunite the caregiver and the child. When you are away from home, you don't want to have to call
your home voicemail continuously hoping that you get a message about your lost child's whereabouts. When your child is missing, you want to know immediately if someone has found your child and where you can meet them to get your child back into your arms. Young children or special needs children who cannot speak, should have the identification visible so that another person can access it easily without needing to undress or undo the child's
clothing. If your child fidgets with the I.D., attach it to the back of the child's clothing between his/her shoulder blades. Older children can carry the cell phone information in their pocket if you are confident that they will be able to produce that information when they need it. You can use a laminated card, a sticker, or one of the various I.D. products on the market such as
Wander Wear Parent Locator Tags. With any of these methods, consider whether you need the ID to be waterproof and if your child can and will be able to use it properly.

Dress children in bright, special "Away from Home" clothing To help spot children easily, dress them in very brightly colored external clothing such as a t-shirt, hat, or jacket. Very bright yellow or green works the best. Some parents routinely dress themselves and their children in the same color when they are going out to crowded places. Unless the color is bright, it won't really help you or your child to spot each other if your location is crowded with people or objects. You should especially avoid red or blue as they are the most common colors that people wear. Additionally, when your child is lost, he/she isn't going to be the only one scared and potentially unable to remember details - you may have a hard time remembering what you dressed them in that morning. To assist your own memory, only let your kids wear their special bright colored clothes when they go out to a crowded place or event. It will be one less thing you need to remember in case your child does get lost and you need others to assist you in the search. The bright colored clothing becomes a very descriptive identifier in addition to being easy to spot
and it will help you and the others find your child quickly.

Carry a recent photo and description of each child
Carrying a recent photo of your child is one of the most important things you can do for his/her safety. On the back of the photo, note the child's eye color, hair color, height, weight, and any birthmarks or other distinguishing marks. If your child is one of multiples, note that as well. Finally, be sure to put your cell number on the back too. If your child is missing, you will have the photo and information available to assist others who are trying to help you find your child. A photo can really help other people who don't know your child more easily identify them, especially if an Amber Alert is needed. When every minute matters, having that photo of your child with you can make a real difference in the successful recovery of the child.

Teach your child to ask another mommy for help
A scared child may not be able to find a trusted authority quickly. It is difficult to even describe a typical guard or officer. However, children as young as 1 ½ can be taught to enlist help from another mother. Children know that a mommy is a woman with other kids. Practice with your child pointing out other mommies. Also, right before you arrive at a public place, remind your child about what to do if he or she gets lost.

Reinforce good behavior
When you go out to a public place - the supermarket, gym, or mall - and you come back without your child getting lost, tell him/her that he/she was good for staying with you the entire time while you were out. Positive reinforcement is the best way to elicit the behavior you want from your child.

What to Do Immediately When Your Child Is Lost
Many public places such as retail stores, amusement parks, and beaches now have specific lost child procedures such as lock downs. If your child does get lost, try to remain calm and quickly find an onsite employee to trigger the venue's lost child process. Don't wander too far yourself while you look for your child. Often the child is still near by.

When to Call the Police
The National Center of Missing and Exploited Children and some state police departments advocate calling the police immediately upon realizing that your child is missing5 and you have any sense that the child may be in danger. It is much better to call the police back a moment later to report that you have found your child than it is to later regret waiting those few valuable
minutes that could have made a dramatic difference in the safe return of your child.

Celebrate, don't berate when you are reunited
Once you are reunited with your child, be sure to congratulate him/her for following the instructions you taught to do in case he/she gets lost. Celebrate that you are back together because of his/her smart and brave actions. Don't yell at your child for getting lost. If he/she ever gets lost again, he/she will prefer to remain lost rather than be yelled at again. If the child did not follow the proper instructions when they got lost, discuss the incident seriously but calmly and recall precisely how you both felt while you were separated. Often times, the child doesn't even think they were missing at all - they may think that you were the one lost! Reiterate how important it is that they don't wander off next time and remind them about finding another mommy to ask for help.

There is unfortunately "no place like home"
We do live in some scary times and the media does its best to make us paranoid about child abduction and sexual predators. We are all well aware of recovery solutions such as fingerprinting, DNA sampling and picture ID cards that parents carry in their wallets. Yet most parents don't think about the everyday occurrence and the simple preventative things we can
do to avoid a child getting lost. While summer is a great time to be outdoors enjoying public venues like beaches, theme parks and fair, they are unfortunately common and potentially dangerous places for kids to get lost. The most important thing is to realize that children do get lost often and it is not a result of bad parenting or bad children. As "good" parents, we can be
proactive and avoid the profound trauma and possible physical harm that occurs when a child is lost, event momentarily. Whether you are at a familiar local park or on vacation somewhere foreign, every child can use some help when they get lost - and unfortunately the "Wanderful Wizard" isn't always easy to find. So use these "lost saving" tips - its as easy as clicking your
heels.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
I don't know that story, do you have a name or link? Anyway, yeah, I'm not by any means advocating teaching your child stranger-danger...more along the lines of "what good adults do/don't do" and trusting your gut.

I don't have the info or a link on this kid. I tried to google it, but couldn't find it. The event happened within the past few years. A child was at camp and wandered off. They sent out search and rescue. This was in the mountains and there were concerns about cold. They eventually did find the boy, alive and well. He said the rescuers had passed him many times, calling his name, but he hid because of the whole stranger danger thing.

When I tried googling I did see that kids will hide from rescuers out of fear of strangers OR fear of being punished for getting lost.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

I'm looking at these wander wear tags:
http://www.wander-wear.com/tag.html

and trying to decide which is better, something like this or just writing on his arm. Any thoughts or suggestions?


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## BeingMe (Oct 25, 2006)

What were the 2 books???


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift. Both by Gavin De Becker.


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## butterflykisses4 (Oct 16, 2007)

All my kids know mine and dh real name so they know to yell it if they are being taken or are lost. I LOVE the card i the back pocket idea with the parents info. I had never though t of that! I guess I would do like the target woman did and just yel out that he was missing. I mean the soon they lock down the store the more likely you will find the kid I think.

This is a GREAT post I thank you so much for posting!


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## JoyofBirth (Mar 16, 2004)

I'm not sure if this has been said yet, but teach your children to yell FIRE! over and over as loud as they can if they are being taken. This saved my friend's child who was abducted. The guy let the child go because he was drawing too much attention and someone was starting to walk over to them. He was 2 1/2. Also, when they're bigger and can understand, have them yell this is not my mommy or daddy, please help! My friend made a dog tag for her son and pins it on his clothes. That way somebody would have to get very close-too close for comfort with a stranger-to read his name, but if someone found him they would know who he is and how to reach someone.


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## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









i never heard about the above tragedy, as i was only 9 years old at the time it happened [ _remorsefuly almost the same age as the 2 murdering children_ ].. but i just spent the last hour or so googling the story. i sobbed like a baby reading about that poor toddler and what his family must have went through. i think i got up more than 5xs out of my chair in the midst of reading news articles, just to go embrace my almost 2 year old little boy and tell him i love him. i just cannot fathom..


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## AlainaFrederick (Mar 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JoyofBirth* 
I'm not sure if this has been said yet, but teach your children to yell FIRE! over and over as loud as they can if they are being taken. This saved my friend's child who was abducted. The guy let the child go because he was drawing too much attention and someone was starting to walk over to them. He was 2 1/2. Also, when they're bigger and can understand, have them yell this is not my mommy or daddy, please help! My friend made a dog tag for her son and pins it on his clothes. That way somebody would have to get very close-too close for comfort with a stranger-to read his name, but if someone found him they would know who he is and how to reach someone.


We were taught this in HS---about yelling FIRE---cause if you yell rape---sometimes people don't want to get involved--sad but true...

also with kids sometimes you don't know if they are joking when yelling you're not my mommy---but if they are yelling FIRE you know something is up


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## cmom80 (Oct 18, 2006)

This thread inspired me to order an ID bracelet/ anklet for my toddler. Thanks for bringing this to the table. It make you think.


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
Yes, men are much more suspicious, and with good reason. A man is much much much more likely to harm your child than a woman is. It's just the way it is.


Trusting or not trusting someone based on their gender could turn out to be very, very dangerous.

If you're willing to assess *your* own child's risk by this means, go ahead. I'm going to choose to distrust women and men equally with *my son*'s life.


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## Bunnybee (Jan 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lapoema* 
This thread inspired me to order an ID bracelet/ anklet for my toddler. Thanks for bringing this to the table. It make you think.

Do you order these from a jewelry store? I was thinking about getting something like a bracelet too. It is so scary to think about all of this!


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Trusting or not trusting someone based on their gender could turn out to be very, very dangerous.

If you're willing to assess *your* own child's risk by this means, go ahead. I'm going to choose to distrust women and men equally with *my son*'s life.

So you would feel that if your child was lost that a single man who took an interest in your child right away was just a trustworthy as a woman with children?


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Demeter9* 
So you would feel that if your child was lost that a single man who took an interest in your child right away was just a trustworthy as a woman with children?


more like just as untrustworthy

Today I was watching this video with my baby and was kind of disturbed by my own reaction. I was creeped out by it, but why? Was it this man's over-sincere smile? the camera angles? because he's huge? black? male? concerned with little boys' feelings? So I wikied Rosey Grier. Seems like a pretty alright guy, even likes needlepoint! Now, on the other hand, how about this mama? Look at those sweet happy babies. She drowned them all plus a newborn in the bathtub.

I don't have all the answers and I am grateful for this thread getting me thinking about this topic as I have a child who is very insistent on walking, very social and will not hold my hand or sit in a stroller. I can microchip my pets and keep them on leashes and it's considered responsible. If I do that to my most precious love, I'm kinda considered an overbearing freak.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I can microchip my pets and keep them on leashes and it's considered responsible. If I do that to my most precious love, I'm kinda considered an overbearing freak.

Really good point.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Women who are mothers statistically act out aggressions on their children if they are going to be violent.

Women who are mothers are not statistically likely to kidnap a child. Particularly not on a whim.

A woman who has baby fever and no children, recent miscarriages, or has recently lied about a pregnancy is more likely to go for a baby.

A predator is likely to position themselves to be the person closest at hand, and be willing to take advantage of a momentary opening. A woman with children doesn't HAVE the time, or luxury of this even if she is predatory towards children.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I don't have all the answers and I am grateful for this thread getting me thinking about this topic as I have a child who is very insistent on walking, very social and will not hold my hand or sit in a stroller. I can microchip my pets and keep them on leashes and it's considered responsible. If I do that to my most precious love, I'm kinda considered an overbearing freak.

Well yes. Implanting foriegn devices into your children would be just a bit over the edge.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Now, on the other hand, how about this mama? Look at those sweet happy babies. She drowned them all plus a newborn in the bathtub.


That was a case of severe postpartum psychosis; I understand what you are getting at, I really do, but that case, I really don't think it has bearing on the discussion here. It is a sad sad case.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Wow I can't believe Rosie Grier creeped you out. I grew up with Free to be you and me and I love him!
Maybe it's b/c I'm old.


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

`


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipumpkins* 
Wow I can't believe Rosie Grier creeped you out. I grew up with Free to be you and me and I love him!
Maybe it's b/c I'm old.

I think maybe they didn't have Free to Be in Canada?

Limabean1975, what I mean to say is that profiling can mislead and is not something I'm willing to bet my/my child's life on. And it can do a great deal of harm.

I fight this fight regularly on MDC and will continue to until sexism, like racism, is no longer condoned.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I think maybe they didn't have Free to Be in Canada?

Limabean1975, what I mean to say is that profiling can mislead and is not something I'm willing to bet my/my child's life on. And it can do a great deal of harm.

I fight this fight regularly on MDC and will continue to until sexism, like racism, is no longer condoned.

I really don't see it as being sexist. If a person wearing boots was 100 times more likely (I don't know the exact statistics) to kidnap your child than a person wearing sandals, would you have a problem with telling your child to go to a person wearing sandals, and not boots, if they were lost? I know that's a lame analogy but you get my point.

Have you seen the crime statistics? Do you not think it's a fact that men are the perpetrators in almost every kidnapping? Frankly if I have to be sexist (if that's what it is) in order to save my child's life, then so be it.


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## Golden (Mar 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
I'll be the umpteenth person recommending "Protecting the Gift." I think one of the things I like most about the book is how un-alarmist it is. The chances of your baby being snatched off the street are very, very small. Scary, yes, absolutely. But de Becker really gives a broader picture, not only of what to teach your kids so that they're safe if they get lost, but also of how to help them grow into independent children and teenagers and adults who navigate the world safely and carefully. I got it from the library and then ordered a copy--it's really really worth reading, even if you already have a good system in place for what to do in emergency situations like this.

I like the idea of an ID bracelet (or anklet, maybe). My ds can say his first and last name, but I'm not sure someone unfamiliar would be able to decipher what he was saying. And he likes to play number games, so we haven't been able to get him to say our whole cell phone number without "playing" with the order yet.

Great thread, thanks for the ideas. A lot of this just wasn't on my radar.

Edited to ask: Anyone know where I can get an ID bracelet out of one of those rubbery materials, like the yellow "Live" bracelets?


I quickly googled custom silicone ID bracelet and came up with this. There were a few others.
http://www.wristbandconnection.com/index.php


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
Have you seen the crime statistics? Do you not think it's a fact that men are the perpetrators in almost every kidnapping? Frankly if I have to be sexist (if that's what it is) in order to save my child's life, then so be it.

Why do crime stats make it appropriate to be sexist and not racist?


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Why do crime stats make it appropriate to be sexist and not racist?

If the stats were as overwhelming for race as they are for sex, then I'd be "racist" too. I'm not really sure what race is more likely to kidnap a child (I'm guessing white but I could be wrong). Anyway, if it were the same situation with, let's say blacks and whites, as it is with men and women....say the population is about 50/50 black and white, and almost every kidnapping is perpetrated by whites, then I would tell my child to go to a black person, and not a white person. And I honestly don't see anything wrong with that.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Trusting or not trusting someone based on their gender could turn out to be very, very dangerous.

If you're willing to assess *your* own child's risk by this means, go ahead. I'm going to choose to distrust women and men equally with *my son*'s life.

What are you going to teach your son to do if he is lost? Who should he go to? I did a google search and it says many children die because they are hiding from their rescuers. I doubt if you find that an acceptable alternative.

No matter how careful parents are, weird, unexpected stuff happens. You turn around and your child has wandered off. What then?


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## Golden (Mar 15, 2002)

Here are more:
http://www.mypreciouskid.com/medical-id-bracelet.html

We went to Disneyworld a couple weeks ago and I got one of these last mnute from a watch fix-it, engraving kiosk at the mall, the night before we left.

http://www.stickyj.com/medical-emerg...bracelets.html

On days he wore short sleeve, I put it on his wrist. When he was wearing a coat or longsleeve, I put it on his ankle (wore shorts everyday). i liked this style because he couldn't fiddle with it or take it off like a silcone bracelet or a velcro thing on his shoe or wrist.

Worked great. I put his name and my cell phone number. I also took a pic each morning of what he was wearing.

I gave my 8 year old a copy of my business card (has cell phone number on it) and put it in his fanny pack that he wore everyday. He knew to find a Disney Cast Member and pull out the card if we ever got separated.

Thankfully we didn't need any of it.


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## hanno (Oct 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mybabysmama* 
What are you going to teach your son to do if he is lost? Who should he go to? I did a google search and it says many children die because they are hiding from their rescuers. I doubt if you find that an acceptable alternative.

No matter how careful parents are, weird, unexpected stuff happens. You turn around and your child has wandered off. What then?

I said this:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I don't have all the answers and I am grateful for this thread getting me thinking about this topic as I have a child who is very insistent on walking, very social and will not hold my hand or sit in a stroller. I can microchip my pets and keep them on leashes and it's considered responsible. If I do that to my most precious love, I'm kinda considered an overbearing freak.

I just know I'm not going to tell my kid to stay away from all men. He IS a man for crying out loud! I'm not going to teach him to be a potential perpetrator by instilling in him the notion that that's just what men are.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

You know another reason mothers are recomended as the go to person is not just b/c men = bad it is also b/c moms are more LIKELY to stay with the child until that child's mother is found. A man is more likely to bring the child to the security agent and leave feeling that he's taken care of the situation.

SO I don't tell my children to stay away from men I tell them go to a mom b/c mom knows what to do.


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## littlecityfarmer (Apr 27, 2004)

I'm glad to have found this thread!!

My 4yo knows his full name, our full names, our address and phone #, my mom's full name (she watches the kids pretty frequently), and has an emergency procedure-- if he gets lost in public, his knows to find and ask for help:

1) a person with a name tag
2) a police officer/ security guard
3) another mommy

He's not the one who runs, though. DS is Mr. Social Butterfly and will tell everyone he meets his life story, but he tends to stick close by us. Our runner is DD, who doesn't know any of the above and who will not talk to anybody but immediate family members unless she's warmed up to them for at least 1/2 and hour. Last week, she ran away at both the children's museum AND the grocery store in the same afternoon. I was beside myself, and we had a looog talk with her about why she MUST always stay with us when we're out.

Off to look into ID bracelets...


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

Dd ran away from me when she was a toddler. We were in a huge store (Hobby Lobby) and in the back corner. By the time I got to the end of the aisle, she was gone. I had no idea if which way she had went, I was afraid to look too long in one direction thinking that she was going the opposite way. There were no staff around or anybody else. I knew not to call out to her, because she was in the phase where running away from mommy was a fun game. Luckily, I heard toddler footbeats running. I stood behind a display and grabbed her as she ran by. Of course she threw a giant fit, especially since I made her sit in the cart for the rest of our trip.

After that, we used a harness a lot. She actually liked it and asked to wear it. She loved the freedom of not having to hold my hand and to wander a bit. I liked that she was never more than 6ft away from me and I could feel her through the strap. Even now at 6.5 she knows to hold my hand or the stroller with ds in it and asks permission to let go. I know it sounds extreme, but I'd rather have her by me and safe. Ds is just getting to the point where he might want to walk around in public and I'm going to dig the harness out for him because he's far more adventurous and I know he will run and he's too little to do anything to help himself (he's only 19mo).


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

sorry double post


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## cmom80 (Oct 18, 2006)

My mom always told me to stay where I was if I got separated from her, so that she could backtrack and find me. I think that's a pretty good strategy.

This is the site I ordered C's ID bracelet from: http://www.americanmedical-id.com/ I think I will let her wear it as an anklet every day. Cause I am just paranoid like that.


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## acannon (Nov 21, 2007)

I haven't read the whole thing but I'm bumping this because I think everyone should read it.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Bump for the mama asking about teaching safety to a 3 year old.


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## twogreencars (Oct 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmom80* 
My mom always told me to stay where I was if I got separated from her, so that she could backtrack and find me. I think that's a pretty good strategy.

My mom always told me this, too. Now I just wish DH's mum had taught him this....


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

Wow. This is a good thread. I hadn't heard about James Bulgar before this thread. I was 11 when that happened....I'd never heard about it. OMG














How? How can anyone do that? How can people like that exsist? Unbelievable. (website for anyone else who may have not heard about James Bulgar http://www.geocities.com/cagney555uk/SITEMAP.html ).

I only skimmed through pages. Excellent ideas from everyone. It's really important to have a set plan so you can take action if your dc wanders off.

Years ago I was at a store with a friend. I had my purse in the shopping cart (where the kids are supposed to sit). I had my back turned to the cart, I was deeply in thought over the products on the wall--comparing prices versus quantity, etc. I turned around and the entire shopping cart was gone. Just gone. Panick. And that was just a purse! The...uh...friend took the basket as a practical joke. Oh yes, it was funny afterwards...and it taught me a valuable lesson.

That could have been my kid in that shopping cart. If your back is turned away and you're looking at something someone could come up and wheel off with you kid and out the door they go. It would be very easy to do. Maybe someone already mentioned this aspect, I'm not sure. If repeated, I'm sorry.

I still sling my dd. But, I'm still guilty of turning my back from the shopping cart with my purse in it. I get lost in what I'm looking at/thinking about and my purse/cart is "open". I know I've seen other mama's in stores doing the same thing I do...but it's their kids in the cart, not just a purse. There's been numerous times my friend's practical joke has come to mind when I see an "open" shopping cart with a wee one in it. Just maybe an FYI for other mama's to pay closer attention to shopping carts if your kids ride in the cart. Or maybe mention it to the mama who's shopping cart/kid is vulnerable to being snatched--just a gentle reminder to her. ? I've never had the guts to say that to another mama....but maybe it's not a bad idea


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## thechuzzle (Apr 7, 2008)

Since I am routinely out with 3 kids under the age of three, I am always cautious that one of them may try and wander off. I have found a few tricks that work though. I have taught them all to hold hands at all times, or a nylon strap that I I can try on the stroller or basket if they want to walk. This really helps as they have learned to stay within arm's reach. Second they know their names, as soon as they could say them we practiced them throughout the day as a game until they knew them well. Third if we are going out to a park or the aquarium, I always apply one of these to them , http://www.safetytat.com/. That way they are always able to be identified. Finally if one of them was ever out of my sight, which has happened one, I alerted the closest employee and the store was put in lockdown. Employees of the store or park should always be your first call.

The big amusement parks and attractions, such as Busch Gardens, has very, very strict protocol regarding missing children and even stuggling children. We alaways had to stop parents that were dragging screaming children from the park, and verify that was their child. It really ticked some people off, but they have never had a child leave with someone that was not supposed to be taking them.


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## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mean_jeannie* 
My ds is a runner. He took off from my mom one time in a store - luckily it was to one of those play trucks you put quarters in and it shakes the kid around. Whew.

DS took off on me at the zoo, I saw him go in an enclosed slide, didn't see him come out, somehow he'd teleported 100 feet away to one of those type of machines. I still don't know what to do, will read this thread now.


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## rachdoll (Aug 18, 2003)

Safety Tats

I know this was posted just two posts above, but just to make sure more people are aware of them....


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## snitker79 (Apr 7, 2007)

I just went to Animal Kingdom with my 2yo dd and I made this cuff that I put an engraved tag on. It has her name, birthdate and mine and my dh's cell phone. I can also attatch an elastic band to it when needed. Which I had to do when she didn't want to stand in line and yet didn't want to be held. It helped when she kept trying to run off.


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## momileigh (Oct 29, 2002)

I just tried for the upteenth time to have a conversation with my 5-yo about what she would do if we got separated in a crowded or public place. She just can't talk about it. Her eyes fill up w/ tears, she says she doesn't want to talk about it, and buries her head into my chest.

Nothing has ever happened to her that should cause such an emotional response! She has never been lost from me. (Well, once, for maybe 30 seconds in a grocery store, when she RAN away from me and I didn't find her immediately... she started to cry, then I found her. This was 3 years ago.)

UGH! This is frustrating. She clearly is very uncomfortable about the subject, but she NEEDS TO KNOW. I don't present the info in any kind of scary way, but for some reason it freaks her out every time.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

A fellow MDC mama had a scary day! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=920064

Hope it's okay to cross post that.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thechuzzle* 

The big amusement parks and attractions, such as Busch Gardens, has very, very strict protocol regarding missing children and even stuggling children. We alaways had to stop parents that were dragging screaming children from the park, and verify that was their child. It really ticked some people off, but they have never had a child leave with someone that was not supposed to be taking them.

That is AWESOME. I know that my DS would struggle and scream if a stranger was taking him, but I full well know that could look perfectly normal, too.


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## BeingMe (Oct 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *snitker79* 
I just went to Animal Kingdom with my 2yo dd and I made this cuff that I put an engraved tag on. It has her name, birthdate and mine and my dh's cell phone. I can also attatch an elastic band to it when needed. Which I had to do when she didn't want to stand in line and yet didn't want to be held. It helped when she kept trying to run off.


Wondering where you got this band at and where I can get one? And what about the thing that attaches to it?


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## yarngoddess (Dec 27, 2006)

I am making and selling Necklaces with name and cell number and would love to talk to anyone about them. Here is a *photo* link. I lost my DD at IKEA for a a few moments and decided that I was going to do something about my NON SPEAKING child- and came up with these necklaces and anklets. Please visit the TP crafts or PM me.


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## janasmama (Feb 8, 2005)

I thought I was just being emotional when my eyes were tearing up reading this thread but so many other mamas have tears also.









It's an awful thing to think about. My dd at about 18 months was out of my sight for a second in a clothing store at the mall. I was trying on clothes, she went under the dressing room door and was gone. I couldn't see around all the racks and I was a bit frantic but I spoke loudly to the clerk near me and she immediately started helping...I had on the stores clothing and I went out into the mall leaving my purse behind and everything. There she was, standing in the middle of mall chaos.

Panicking isn't necessarily bad b/c I think it really gets a point across to other people and it involves more people looking for a child/ noticing something weird. I mean to see a kicking/contesting child in the arms of an adult to most people might just look like a defiant child being taken out of public but if you see that and know that someone is looking for their missing child then you can pay more attention to the details.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hipumpkins* 
You know another reason mothers are recomended as the go to person is not just b/c men = bad it is also b/c moms are more LIKELY to stay with the child until that child's mother is found. A man is more likely to bring the child to the security agent and leave feeling that he's taken care of the situation.

SO I don't tell my children to stay away from men I tell them go to a mom b/c mom knows what to do.

yeah, i agree with this. i've been with men in situations where there was a missing child (not his or mine), and i've always been the one to know what to do (i.e. stay with the kid until the mom or dad comes back). the man has, every single time, thought once we notified a security person, we were done.

i wasn't even a mom when this happened; it was just obvious to me. the kid was scared, and i wasn't gonna walk away from the kid.

anyway, this is an interesting thread. but so far i agree with all those who say instruct your kid to find a mom with kids in tow. i don't think it's sexist at all. it's just statistically likely to yield positive results for your child's safety.


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

I've once been lost when I was almost five. My own mistake though. Miscalculation. We were on holiday in a family resort in my own country. We went on a seaside walk with the leaders of the child entertainment facility of the hotel. Part of us hid in the dunes to surprise the others. I thought it funny to hide and scare all of them in my turn. But no-one passed my spot. They were just gone. I ran left and right and did not spot my group anywhere. I almost panicked when I saw two man washing a car nearby (no-one else as near as them), I asked them if they swa the way my group went. They didn't know. They were more panicky then I was, but offered to fhelp ind my hotel and parents. I felt it was ok, better than staying there alone! They drove me around in the hope I would recognise a spot and so find the way. Then they spotted a police-combi and they handed me over, the police officers knew my hotel and returned me. But I found it HORRIBLE to have been brought back by the police! I felt so ashamed of getting myself lost! So yes, the men passed my on to an official person to find a solution, but they REALLY tried hard to help me only it didn't work.

Recently my own 2y old ran out from our gate (I mistakenly assumed I locked it properly







) into our street, when I went in for a minute or so I all of a sudden felt very uneasy and like 'felt' that I had to go just check if he didn't escape (and my reasoning saying he COULDN'T cause I locked the extra lock). Bu I checked anyway.





















gate was OPEN and child NOWHERE to see! Our street not very busy but no paverment, big level difference accross the street towards gardens (stairs 4m downward, child couldn't do stairs safely yet), and if he would continue to either left or right he could really get himself into trouble in the next streets with passing cars and he could disappear easily to anywhere from side street, garden, backyard, wherever... I chose to run left first towards my eldest son's school's street, I didn't spot him on the way nor in any garden, I saw another mom with her child which I knew and shouted to her if she saw my kid, she hadn't , then I asked if she could help look for him, I ran as fast as I could towards the other side of our street meantime scanning stairs and gardens as well as I could that way and luckily- finally spotted him at the side of a house reaching the backyard where there is a 3m level w/op fencing too. I ran through the muddy garden to catch him just in time. My heart was racing. All the while while I was running frantically amd calling out his name in a panick, none of our neighbours that were home looked out of their windows (9.30 am). I could comfort myself that when I finally spotted my child, one neighbour (mom) DID look outside and had just seen my child running in that garden too. If I wouldn't have been there in time, I was confident she would have taken action to try and grab him as soon as she could get there.

Phew.


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

I used the "cell phone picture next to car" idea yesterday. DD1 liked having her picture taken and this way I had a recent image, relative height, the outfit she was wearing "just in case". Thanks to whichever pp mentioned this idea!


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

Cell phone number anklet = genious. I'm going to go get supplies TODAY!


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## kdtmom2be (Aug 26, 2006)

I haven't read the other responses, in a bit of a hurry, but here's what we do:

- preventative measures - when we arrive at a place, whether it is the shopping mall, the playground, the museum or the local zoo, we pick a spot to meet up if we get separated. "If you can't find mommy you go stand by the big red pole by the ice cream stand." This works for kids that are at least verbal because (and we've had experience) they can at least tell someone "I can't find my dad, I have to go stand by the red pole." Most people will help them out by taking them where they are supposed to meet up AND notifying a staff member. If there is a "lost child" area, make sure you both know where that is.

We would also discuss who worked at the facility and what they were wearing and point them out as people that the kids could go to if they were lost or couldn't find us. Barring that, it's probably ok to teach your kids that it is ok to talk to mom's of other kids, they are the most likely to help out and to be "ok" to talk to/get help from. (sorry dads!)

From about the age of 2 1/2 we would write the child's name and our cell phone number in magic marker somewhere where it wasn't commonly visible (on the arm under a long sleeve for example) where the child could show someone if they were lost.

Under the age of 2 1/2, writing contact info on the child or pinning a card with contact info to the inside of thier clothing is still a good idea, but it's fairly unlikely that the just-walking to 20 month crowd will remember it's there or understand to show someone the info.

And as for what WE should do if we find ourselves separated from our children, notify the first available employee and they will lock down the facility until you find the child. If you think the child may have already left the building under thier own power, SAY SO and ask that they still keep the facility locked down until the child is found and go out and look, preferably with the help of an employee or two (they will be more level-headed than you). If more than 30 min has passed (or you have a really sick feeling in your stomach that something is WRONG) then contact the authorities.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

I was on hold today with the bank, of all places, they were giving out summer safety tips. One of them was for camping, but it was great. Give your kids a whistle in case you can't see each other. I don't know if 2.5 is too young to successfully use a whistle, but I'm going to try. I think if he learns to use it, we can make it a hide and seek game so he gets used to the idea.

However, if he is too young to use it, anyone have thoughts on a noisemaker that a toddler could carry and activate if lost? I'd still put my number on him, but this would have been so easy if it works.

I'll also posted this on the "...toddler disappeared" thread since this one reappears again and again and that one will likely move into history.


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## lucky_mia (Mar 13, 2007)

Here is one thing I found out - DON'T BE EMBARRASSED if you lose your child! When it happens it easy to feel stupid and want to quietly find your child without making a scene but you are better off yelling, "Help me! My two year old girl is lost!" If you do that, people will help.


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## dadinblue (Jun 17, 2007)

Hi MDC Mums, I read the thread and didn't see any obviously-male-names in it, so I may be the first Dad to post. I am also a Canadian cop, pointed to this thread by ProlificPoster to add my cop-2-bits on this topic.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mean_jeannie* 
I believe it is standard protocol to shut down entry/exit when a child is missing inside a store, so I would definitley go to a staffer if I wasn't too embroiled in a major freakout.

Unfortunately it isn't standard. Shutting a store down costs money, no matter how long (or short) the time period is. Many companies are just too interested in the almighty $$ to bar the doors.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Britishmum* 
I thought about this, but didnt want to frighten my kids by teaching them that women are safer. I told them that women tend to be better at handling little kids. I know that's sexist, but I prefer that to 'men might be dangerous.' My dds responded with "Yeah, that's true. If a kid was lost, you'd be better at looking after them than Daddy." So they know, if they ever get lost, to ask a woman for help. We remind ourselves of this rule whenever we go anywhere in public. I just hope that if it ever came to it, they'd remember.

I know where you're going with this, and I (as a father AND as a cop) don't have any issue with pointing your kids to a woman. Statistically, your kids have a way WAY smaller chance of being abducted by a woman than by a man.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I think that it would be MUCH easier for a woman (especially with other children) to leave a store with a struggling toddler than in would be a man. After all, men are much more suspicious, right?







:

It shouldn't be that way -- ANYONE who is struggling with a kid should be looked at with a hairy-eyeball. Especially if the kid seems terrified (as opposed to a tantrum), if the other kids seem worried (why is Mum taking this weird kid out of this store?) or is your gut 'hunch' says "That's weird... look into it."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mybabysmama* 
My father was a cop. One time he overheard a woman telling her little boy, "If you're not good, I'm going to call that policeman."

My father went up to them and told the boy, "And if she does, I'll get you an ice cream cone."

The mother was shocked. My dad explained that if the boy is ever in trouble and afraid of the police, who will help him? You should always make sure your children trust police officers, fire fighters, etc.

I get this all the time and it pi$$es me off. Why do people teach their kids to be afraid of the people who can help them? Do parents point to fireman and say "Behave or I'll torch the house...". I make it a point to educate the adults and reassure the kids when I hear such moronery.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Limabean1975* 
Police officers, fire fighters, etc, can be predators - or, predators can be disguised as police officers, fire fighters, etc. I totally am with you on not having your kids *fear* them, but 100% trust is not a good idea either, sadly.









Ok, first of all, yes. Anyone can be a molester/predator. Priests, cops, FD, EHS, school teachers, circus clowns and the ice cream guy. But you can't scare your kids off of EVERYONE... you have to give them some basic instructions and let them mull it over into something that makes sense for them. PPs have stated anyone with a store/amusement park ID, mums with kids (dads too... can't think of any molesters who brought their own kids to the kidnap-site...) etc. You have to give your kids clear instructions and let them figure it out in their own way. An adult's idea of a mum w/kids may be different from a kid's interpretation.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
Why do crime stats make it appropriate to be sexist and not racist?

Who said that? The majority of serial killers and child molesters are single white males between the ages of 25 and 50 with stunted social skills who have been collecting child porn and grooms his victims over a period of time.

Read THIS to learn what the FBI considers a profile of a typical molester.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hanno* 
I said this







just know I'm not going to tell my kid to stay away from all men. He IS a man for crying out loud! I'm not going to teach him to be a potential perpetrator by instilling in him the notion that that's just what men are.

Thank you. I was getting concerned reading the anti-male bias.

My advice is pretty simple. Break your kids of the habit/game of running and hiding from parents/adults. I know this maybe an unpopular sentiment here on MDC, but the ADULTS run the family, not the kids. Teach the kids to stay within sight of the parent at all times. This starts as soon as the kid can walk and goes until they are not lure-able by predators.

StrangerDanger is good, but let them know that when Search and Rescue/Cops/Firemen/EMS are doing the looking, the game is over, time to pipe up and stop hiding.

Teach your kids the Gavin deBecker lessons and TEST them frequently. Have a plan everytime you go somewhere. Where will you meet if you get split up?

Write your phone number on your pre-verbal kid. When I get a lost kid, I check their arms, back, legs and feet for Sharpie-messages from their Mum/dad. Bracelets, anklets and notes pinned to clothes are easily removed, lost or overlooked. Sharpie lasts a LONG time, doesn't wash off like Bic pen and water-based tattoos.

If your child gets lost, take a deep breath and hold yourself together long enough for me to get what I need. I can't put the description/call out over the air to other cops/firemen, site or store security and EMS until I get the facts, ALL the facts from you. You aren't doing anyone ANY good by freaking out and runing back and forth, checking all the exits like a one-person search party. Let store/site staff do that. Stand still and answer the questions.

Put yourself in your kid's shoes: if you were them, in this place (park, store, mall etc) where would YOU go? Look at the stories we've seen in this thread... a kid was found on tractors, playing for more than an hour. On digger machinery in the sand pit of a park, watching the coin-op rides at the mall, etc.

Teach them to yell FIREFIREFIREFIREFIREFIRE, put me down you're not my dad HELP FIRE FIRE FIRE HEEEEELLLPPPPPPP!!! Instead of screaming. Kids having tantrums scream and kick. A kid needs to be different to get someone's attention.

And lastly, be attentive to OTHER kids having issues. Can you spot the parent/care-giver of the kid standing at the gumball machine looking longly at the red ones? Can you tell if anyone at the play-place would notice if the little red-headed kid wandered off?

Get involved (as some PPs have) and get the kid to point their parent or CGer to you. Don't worry about what they think... they're the negligent ones.

Read the Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift, both by Gavin deBecker. Loan them to your friends, buy more to loan to more friends. If everyone learned GdB's lessons, my job would be much easier as the public would be more alert to issues.

One PP said something about 'second-guessing' herself. She needs to read those books. Trust your first instinct. Teach your kids to do likewise.

Thank you for having me in your thread, I'll head back to the Dads area now.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

dadinblue - can I just thank you, this is a great post and a great help (it was my little brother who was on the tractors for hours on end) it's exceptionally informative to see it from the other perspective - love the sharpies idea - going to definitely do that.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

I haven't read the other responses yet, so I may be repeating something that's been said a million times, but I read something in a book recently and it sounded like a good idea to me.

I'd start yelling "Lost toddler! Brown hair, brown eyes! Red shirt!" etc. Apparently people really perk up when they hear "lost toddler" and giving a description like that could speed up the process. I know if I heard someone yelling lost toddler with a description I'd be pretty fast to have my dd check around and do so myself.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lucky_mia* 
Here is one thing I found out - DON'T BE EMBARRASSED if you lose your child! When it happens it easy to feel stupid and want to quietly find your child without making a scene but you are better off yelling, "Help me! My two year old girl is lost!" If you do that, people will help.











Dadinblue, thank you so much for your post! ANd yes, I know, I do want my child to come out of hiding/seek help when the police are there and available...it's just that I want him to also trust his instincts...and at his current age or 2.5, any guy in a security uniform is a "policeman", so I do hesitate to tell him to trust a policeman at all time, you know?


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

thanks for this (always) timely thread. i read the whole thing last night; today we went to a major city festival with 2 year old DD. i did write our cell numbers in sharpie ink on the bottoms of her feet. also i had a long talk with DH about all of the safety measures i could think of. i only have one thing to add that i didn't see mentioned in this whole thread. it seems that toddlers "disappear" in the one moment you are distracted, (i.e., paying the cashier, looking away to talk with someone, helping your other child, etc.) now, granted, i only have the one DD (so far at least) but the practice i employ is that whenever i have to do something that takes my focus off her, i place my hand on the top of her head. i do this at the pool too if i have to look away. this way i can "feel" that she is still with me. thanks again!


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

I bought our 2.5 year old a whistle. We went for a walk and I would hide. Most times I would call from my hiding spot, "Blow the whistle," and when he did I would jump out and say, "Here I am." He thought it was a great game. He's not ready to use the whistle on his own yet. I think we'll have to play this game a lot more times before it becomes automatic, but I think we'll get there.

For the person who wrote their number on their child's feet--I would be afraid of them rubbing off there. Personally, I like them on the arms because they are easily seen--at least when wearing short sleeve shirts. If someone finds him, they don't have to undress him to find them, which I think could be hard on a little kid. Also, someone would have to think about looking for the numbers and, frankly, until I started reading these posts, I would have never considered doing that. I don't think most people would. An added benefit to writing them on the arms is that a lot of people have commented what a great idea it is and that they are going to start doing it too.


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## dadinblue (Jun 17, 2007)

The real Sharpie brand of marker doesn't come off for days.

More and more cops are looking at soles of feet for names and numbers of 'found' kids. What you don't want is the kid's name visible , so that the abductor has the kid's name.


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## LeslieB (Feb 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rachdoll* 
Safety Tats

I know this was posted just two posts above, but just to make sure more people are aware of them....









I was about to post about these, too. I ordered them for my DS.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

After more games of playing with the whistle, I think my son has the concept. Also, I reminded him of getting lost (at Pier 39) and how scary that was. I told him if he can't see me he should blow the whistle and I'll find him. Later, when we were arriving at busy place I said, "What should you do if you can't see me?" and he said, "Blow my whistle." Then my husband and I played hide and seek with him. As soon as he couldn't see us, he blew the whistle without being reminded. He just turned 2.5 3 days ago. We'll keep at this, but with the sharpie cell phone numbers on his arm and the whistle, I feel a little bit better.

I am thinking about getting labels to attach to the whistle lanyard that say, "Lost? Blow Whistle" so if someone finds him they'll know what to do in case he doesn't. (Though hopefully we'll never have to go through another lost event. Too scary!!!)


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## GoddessKristie (Oct 31, 2006)

I have a what not to do! I was in Kohls and a mother lost her child. She started freaking out and told the staff right away (a good thing!). They watched the doors while she ran in circles yelling his name. Her mother (grandmother of the missing) got on the phone IMMEDIATELY to call the father and he wasn't home so she started yelling "YOU'RE BROTHER'S GONE! HE'S GONE!!" Into the phone. I stayed until it was over and it turns out the child was under a rack right beside the mother the whole time. All the freaking out scared him and he didn't want to come out. I COULD NOT BELIEVE that grandmother!!! I feel so sorry for the child on the other end! That child was not missing for four minutes and the grandmother was a bumbling mess on the phone to the older sibling. I understand that was pretty freaky, but I would have been PISSED at my mom for behaving that way rather than actually helping! What the hell is dad going to do at home to help??

ETA: I too was sick to my stomach over the poor little boy who was tortured and killed. How can 10yos be so evil and disturbed?? God, that picture of them leading him off... breaks my heart.

I too have found that DH is just not as worried about DS running off. We did our best not to teach him to run from us, but his uncle thought it was a fun game to teach him at 11 mos and so he now thinks it's funny. He's in the cart 100% now, screaming or not.
We recently saw The Hulk movie and I was explaining afterward to DH that the closest I think he could come to really understanding how I feel at the thought of someone taking or harming our son was when the Hulk looked over and saw that they were hurting Betty. I felt like that was a good visual for the way I feel inside, just blind rage directed toward whoever is hurting him.
I should not have read this thread tonight, I already couldn't sleep!


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## AkRotts (Sep 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dadinblue* 
Hi MDC Mums, I read the thread and didn't see any obviously-male-names in it, so I may be the first Dad to post. I am also a Canadian cop, pointed to this thread by ProlificPoster to add my cop-2-bits on this topic.

Unfortunately it isn't standard. Shutting a store down costs money, no matter how long (or short) the time period is. Many companies are just too interested in the almighty $$ to bar the doors.

I know where you're going with this, and I (as a father AND as a cop) don't have any issue with pointing your kids to a woman. Statistically, your kids have a way WAY smaller chance of being abducted by a woman than by a man.

It shouldn't be that way -- ANYONE who is struggling with a kid should be looked at with a hairy-eyeball. Especially if the kid seems terrified (as opposed to a tantrum), if the other kids seem worried (why is Mum taking this weird kid out of this store?) or is your gut 'hunch' says "That's weird... look into it."

I get this all the time and it pi$$es me off. Why do people teach their kids to be afraid of the people who can help them? Do parents point to fireman and say "Behave or I'll torch the house...". I make it a point to educate the adults and reassure the kids when I hear such moronery.

Ok, first of all, yes. Anyone can be a molester/predator. Priests, cops, FD, EHS, school teachers, circus clowns and the ice cream guy. But you can't scare your kids off of EVERYONE... you have to give them some basic instructions and let them mull it over into something that makes sense for them. PPs have stated anyone with a store/amusement park ID, mums with kids (dads too... can't think of any molesters who brought their own kids to the kidnap-site...) etc. You have to give your kids clear instructions and let them figure it out in their own way. An adult's idea of a mum w/kids may be different from a kid's interpretation.

Who said that? The majority of serial killers and child molesters are single white males between the ages of 25 and 50 with stunted social skills who have been collecting child porn and grooms his victims over a period of time.

Read THIS to learn what the FBI considers a profile of a typical molester.

Thank you. I was getting concerned reading the anti-male bias.

My advice is pretty simple. Break your kids of the habit/game of running and hiding from parents/adults. I know this maybe an unpopular sentiment here on MDC, but the ADULTS run the family, not the kids. Teach the kids to stay within sight of the parent at all times. This starts as soon as the kid can walk and goes until they are not lure-able by predators.

StrangerDanger is good, but let them know that when Search and Rescue/Cops/Firemen/EMS are doing the looking, the game is over, time to pipe up and stop hiding.

Teach your kids the Gavin deBecker lessons and TEST them frequently. Have a plan everytime you go somewhere. Where will you meet if you get split up?

Write your phone number on your pre-verbal kid. When I get a lost kid, I check their arms, back, legs and feet for Sharpie-messages from their Mum/dad. Bracelets, anklets and notes pinned to clothes are easily removed, lost or overlooked. Sharpie lasts a LONG time, doesn't wash off like Bic pen and water-based tattoos.

If your child gets lost, take a deep breath and hold yourself together long enough for me to get what I need. I can't put the description/call out over the air to other cops/firemen, site or store security and EMS until I get the facts, ALL the facts from you. You aren't doing anyone ANY good by freaking out and runing back and forth, checking all the exits like a one-person search party. Let store/site staff do that. Stand still and answer the questions.

Put yourself in your kid's shoes: if you were them, in this place (park, store, mall etc) where would YOU go? Look at the stories we've seen in this thread... a kid was found on tractors, playing for more than an hour. On digger machinery in the sand pit of a park, watching the coin-op rides at the mall, etc.

Teach them to yell FIREFIREFIREFIREFIREFIRE, put me down you're not my dad HELP FIRE FIRE FIRE HEEEEELLLPPPPPPP!!! Instead of screaming. Kids having tantrums scream and kick. A kid needs to be different to get someone's attention.

And lastly, be attentive to OTHER kids having issues. Can you spot the parent/care-giver of the kid standing at the gumball machine looking longly at the red ones? Can you tell if anyone at the play-place would notice if the little red-headed kid wandered off?

Get involved (as some PPs have) and get the kid to point their parent or CGer to you. Don't worry about what they think... they're the negligent ones.

Read the Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift, both by Gavin deBecker. Loan them to your friends, buy more to loan to more friends. If everyone learned GdB's lessons, my job would be much easier as the public would be more alert to issues.

One PP said something about 'second-guessing' herself. She needs to read those books. Trust your first instinct. Teach your kids to do likewise.

Thank you for having me in your thread, I'll head back to the Dads area now.










'

Thank you for an EXCELLENT post!!!!


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Whistle update, in case anyone is interested.

This seems to be working. I ask him, "What do you do if you can't see me?" and he says "Blow my whistle." I say yes and tell him he can also ask a mom with kids for help.

Today he was hiding in the shirt rack at the store. I knew he was there. Perhaps I shouldn't let him do that. On the other hand, he's having fun and he's staying close by. I always know what rack he's under. Anyway, this is the first time he's played that since getting his whistle. He blew it. I made a big deal of pulling back the shirts and saying, "Here I am." He laughed.

I'd originally bought to whistles at Big 5 or some other sports store. I gave him the little plastic one which is great. I also got a metal one--figured we'd experiment with which is best. Since plastic worked so well, I didn't experiment. We forgot the plastic one today so I pulled out the metal one. It's harder for him to blow. He can do it, but in a real emergency, I want what's easiest.


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## Limabean1975 (Jan 4, 2008)

Mybabysmama, I just looked back through your posts here and it seems my boy is the same age as yours, so I think I will try out this whistle idea!
Does he wear it around his neck?


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

This thread crossed my mind. Wanted to bump it up for anyone who hasn't read it and for others as a reminder


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## johnnagrrl (Jul 14, 2008)

I am deathly afraid of this. So, we got Jacob a id kit made. We went through Digi Kids ( http://www.digikids-id.com/ ). It comes with a little "license" for my wallet and as soon as he goes missing, you alert a staff member at the store or whereever you are, they put the dics that comes with the license into their comoputer and it automatically pulls up all his info. Then, if it's been a while that he's been missing, they can print missing posters right fromt here and it automatically alerts the police. I carry it everywhere with me. They also make temp tattoos that you can get with your phone number, in case they go missing and someone finds them. I intend on using them when we do big day trips, now that he is old enough to "wander".

I know you're supposed to alert the staff immediately. That way, they can do a lockdown. I got this email once that someone lost their kid in BRU and they did a lock down and they found her 5 minutes later, in the bathroom with half her hair cut off, holding a wig. Seems someone tried to steal her and then lost their nerve. Then, you should always have a recent pic of your child. Never put clothing on them that has their name on it, since they are more likely to go to someone if they know their name. I got this online:

Companies that do implement the program generally place a Code Adam decal at the front of the business. Employees at these businesses are trained to do the following six steps according to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children:

If a visitor reports a child is missing, a detailed description of the child and what he or she is wearing is obtained. Additionally, all exterior access to the building is locked and monitored; anyone approaching a door is turned away.

The employee goes to the nearest in-house telephone and pages Code Adam, describing the child's physical features and clothing. As designated employees monitor front entrances, other employees begin looking for the child.

If the child is not found within 10 minutes, law enforcement is called.

If the child is found and appears to have been lost and unharmed, the child is reunited with the searching family member.

If the child is found accompanied by someone other than a parent or legal guardian, reasonable efforts to delay their departure will be used without putting the child, staff, or visitors at risk. Law enforcement will be notified and given details about the person accompanying the child.

The Code Adam page will be canceled after the child is found or law enforcement arrives.

http://www.holidaycityflash.com/trav...ing_child1.htm

http://www.squidoo.com/pollyklaas/hq


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## ernalala (Mar 30, 2008)

wykwtdiytwliapublicplace?

NO.

It recently finally happened to us. My toddler is known to us for being a 'runner' so I am very very careful with him at home and outside, and often just avoid being out and about with both of my two young kids. But then again, there was that day with my mom and my two children in a shopping mall, us having a snack while they were playing in a small play area right next to us, with at least one pair of our adults' eyes continuously watching the plaything and its only entrance. Then, a woman next to our table started to interact with us and my oldest one, while we 'd just switched table sides so that my mom could watch the play area continuously and I could get us more drinks. Because of the woman's interaction with my child, and my son spitting out a bad-tasting sweet she gave him, for a split second I didn't look and my mom lost view of the play area's entrance/exit because the woman was blocking it. So this was enough for my toddler to take advantage of the situation and run out of the place (which we hadn't noticed- and he'd probably been waiting for a moment like that...). Just very shortly after, my mom suddenly felt we had to look in the play area to see if he was still there and my eldest said he was GONE! From that moment, I'm sorry to say, I fully panicked. A lady at the snackbars' exit could tell me a toddler ran off but she'd assumed a parent would or did go after him. I COULD NOT SEE HIM ANYWHERE!, it's full of restaurants and snack bars there, wıth the center of the floor being stacked with hundreds of chairs, tables and people, it is a MEGA shopping mall, and I could NOT see ANY sign of my child or running feet/hair beneath/behind he tables. Of course, it must happen exacvtly on the only day thatI didn't manage to write my phone nr. on his arm because my pen gave up... My mom stayed with my pre-schooler in the snack bar while I and the woman who'd interacted with us (who'd been watching my toddler too and knew exactly what he looked like) started to look for him. I approached a woman at a close-by desk of a theater and asked if she'd seen him pass (later it appeared he'd passed that place exactly in her vision, but ok, I also had not see him run away) and then if she could assist in help finding him. Her answer was that 'for such situations, you can go to the information desk downstairs' !!! Can you believe THAT? No hair on my head would think of leaving this floor of this mega-center while my kid was just lost few minutes ago on that floor. She had a PHONE right NEXT to her! I quickly requested her to please call security or someone who could help to find him and I ran off to look further, frantically. At that point I felt sooo totally alone in this, realising this was sooo very horrible, it was up to ME and ME only to get my son back and I could not see him anywhere or think of a place he might have gone. I saw the other woman talking to sth like a security guard (but knowing that if guards help searching they often pick out any kid and ask is it this one, that one, maybe that one...). I think the whole episode lasted at least 10 minutes before we could find him, finally she found him near a play area at the other end of the floor where she thought he might have gone too (later I remembered that he'd seen it when we just arrived on that floor but in my panic I could not even think that clearly). I was soooo sooo grateful that she brought my boy back! But later also we also realised that if it wouldn't have been for her interaction and blocking our view that he WOULD'NT have been able to run without us seeing it happen. But still, so grateful. My mom and I were really sick in the stomach from the whole thing. And even though my kids hadn't eaten any 'real' food, I'd ordered them a (rare) ice-cream because I was so happy that we were complete again (and I had to sit for a while...). And I HATED to have to tell the story to my husband, but at least I knew I would get his support and understanding because he knows our little one too well, too...

Later, when overlooking the situation again and again, I realised the best thing I could've been doing myself was to go to the (two-way) 'exit' of the dining floor (leading to the rest of the extended shopping mall) and so being able overview the whole restaurant/table area (from far though) while also being able to possibly spot my toddler if he would decide to leave there to the even larger and impossible shopping area. But the last thing you WANT to do is to stay stationary in this situation. You want to LOOK for your son, since you know best what he looks like and he knows you too when you find him! Luckily I had my mom, too, who was still based in our original place so if he would voluntarily return he would find 'us' again, too.

It's totally scary. Even if the whole thing only last for 10 minutes, these are very loooooooooong and desperate 10 minutes! It took several years of my life.


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## quietserena (Apr 24, 2006)

Sometimes the scary emails you get aren't true. Not that the advice in them is bad.

There are plenty of real life cases that are scarier than the made up stories.


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## Doula Dani (Jan 9, 2008)

I really like the whistle idea. My guys are little still and I keep them strapped to something (be it me or a cart or something







), but in the near future I'll do that.


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## welsh (Feb 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twogreencars* 
The year before my now 13yo was born in England, there was a sad sad story of a 2.5 yo toddler whose mother lost eye contact with him for a second in a *********, England shopping center. It didn't have a happy ending.







Two ten year old boys led him out of the shopping center and brutally tortured him to death. This haunted me throughout DS's toddlerhood. It probably haunted most mums during the 1990's and beyond. I still remember the tiny tot's name...









I don't think anyone from the UK could forget this...horrific


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## luv (Mar 20, 2007)

I was looking for the links mentioned in this thread and thought it deserved a bump in the same time!
-luv


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## loitering (Mar 27, 2006)

Bumping because this is a good thread and also wondering if anyone knows of a website that provides a free template for an ID card? All the ones I've found charge. I know I could make my own but I really suck at that sort of thing.


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