# LOTS of tantrums from 16 month old



## lawschoolmama (Mar 12, 2008)

Hi all,

So, when DD was a little younger, DH and I read Dr. Sears's The Discipline Book, and I basically figured from reading that, hey, we have been very AP with DD all her life, so tantrums--besides the occasional show of frustration--will be rare. Well, in the past couple of weeks, my very sweet little girl has become a tantrum queen. She's actually VERY sweet and well-behaved when we're out and about--at playgroup, or at the store, or on a walk, whatever. But when we're at home--watch out! Her mood can change from sweet, happy, laughing, loving to screaming at the top of her lungs, super angry, mad as a hornet, throwing stuff, throwing herself down, hitting, etc. It's not fun, and towards the end of the day, I really feel my patience begin to wane, and I feel like a rotten mama







My strategies so far have been to hold and comfort her when I feel like that's what she needs, or ignore the tantrum (but make sure she's not hurting herself or others). Any other ideas? Am I doing something wrong? I'm really feeling like a bad mommy who can't get her baby to be happy and secure right now








P.S. No, she's not sick from what I can tell, and also hasn't been eating anything new or anything like that. Sometimes nursing stops a tantrum, sometimes not.


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## Daphneduck (Jan 22, 2009)

Around 16 months my dd started doing this, too. It lasted a few months, so I wonder if it's just the age. She was back to her sweet loving self by 20 months. We still have periodic upeavels, but they are short lived, as in a few days at a time, rather a few months at a time. We just weathered it by redirecting, comforting and giving her some space when she wouldnt accept comfort. Hang in there!


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## WhiteHorse (Feb 28, 2009)

My son is almost 16 mos and he too is doing exactly the same as you describe! I was pondering this too today as he was throwing himself over backwards over some little thing. He is really determined to get into all the forbidden things in our home (drawers, closets, etc) so our whole day seems like one long chain of NOs to him. Here is what works a lot of the time. When he is starting to melt down out of the blue, I get his attention and put him into a new situation entirely. Like have him look out the window, etc. This usually works for a bit. But if I am busy trying to do something like change the laundry, he has to just learn to accept it so I silently put him in the pack n play and go about my chore and as soon as I'm done I retrieve him. I have decided the logic behind this is I do not want him to get into the habit of crying to get his way, which is what I honestly feel is starting to happen. I can sense it in the tone of the cry and body language. I do not think I am breaking AP rules by having some structure and boundaries in this way. Today I was getting ready to leave for a trip to g-maws and he was crying to be held - and ultimately to get at items on top of dresser - he was perfectly well fed and rested but threw his head back and waaa'd in a deliberate way. When I gently told him he would have to wait and went about my hair-drying he eventually accepted it (about 2 mins) and found a book to look at. It sort of dawned on me that I had been in a habit of always picking him up only to disappoint him more when I had to put him back down again after he demanded yet another item he wasn't supposed to have. Not sure if this makes any sense (?) I will have to be more diligent about these limits because I can see all the ways I have been inconsistent with him. Hope this sheds some light - I think we are in sister boats!


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

We are SO there right now. Dd2 is a tantrumer! She is usually distractable if I see a tantrum coming, but with 3 olders to also contend with I sometimes miss the telltale frustration that will inevitably lead to a meltdown. And sometimes it is just unavoidable. I can't let her run off in the parking lot even when she really REALLY wants to!

Fortunately I love this phase, and it really does pass quickly. What I have found really helps my toddlers the most is distraction. This won't work once they get a little older, but I sure exploit it while it does. Running water, turning on and off light switches, emptying one (or 6) cupboards, pointing to things on shelves in stores, playing "where's daddy?" (is he on the shelf?....swing her up to the shelf, is he around the corner?....dramatically peer around the corner, etc). Anything fun and a little silly helps unless she is really determined.

A good sense of humour and an understanding of appropriate age/developments (and what is realistic to expect) is essential. Kids at this age are not logical! They can understand on a very basic level action=reaction, but their emotions and physical nature overtake that very easily. Actually physically distracting them is really the only concrete thing that can help. Or at least that has been my experience









She must be a bright, curious little girl to be in the throws of this already


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## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

OH LORD! I WISH my dd was great in public, and crazy at home. But she is wonderfully sweet at home and a tantrum queen in public.

Screaming, dropping to the ground, kicking, throwing things, destroying anything she can get her hands on.

I know it shouldn't, but it embarasses me! I try to stay cool like I do if she melts down at home but its sooo much harder in public being judged by all our (spanking) friends!

And its not one, she'll scream over and over and over and over and over. And leaving isn't even an option because I have to put on all her winter clothes and that makes for more of a screaming mess.

I feel your pain.







:

What we do when this happens is validate I guess. "you wanted to go up the stairs?" or "you wanted to bang on the wall with the pan huh?" Then wait it out by her because usually she doesn't want to be touched.

I don't know if thats the right answer, but its what we do.


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## Narn (Nov 7, 2007)

My 17mo has been acting kind of like this for the past week. I wouldn't call them tantrums, but she gets into periods of extreme fussiness, and it can go on for hours or the whole day. I checked her mouth and--WOW--two huge chompers cutting in at the same time. It's got to be uncomfortable. But the only thing that has really helped, as a PP mentioned, is distraction. Have you checked the gums?

ETA: Songs have been THE best distraction! Especially songs with actions to them like "If you're happy and you know it..." Whenever my LO is upset for unknown or unfixable reasons, I sing one of her favorite songs. I'm singing all day long, practically. I also think she's been frustrated with being unable to express herself clearly. There are all these ideas in her head now, but not a lot of words. I think singing and dancing help her work out the frustration.


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## lawschoolmama (Mar 12, 2008)

Thanks for the support and ideas everyone! It sure does make me feel MUCH better, knowing that I'm not alone and that I have a few new tricks to try!


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