# nudity and children



## myniyer (Feb 24, 2004)

My DH and my 1yo DD take a bath together every night. It is a very special time for them and I think it is sweet.

My mom was visiting this weekend and happened to walk in on them. She was VERY upset to see them naked together in the bathtub and commented that if anyone else were to see that, they might consider it child abuse, and she wouldn't be surprised if CPS got called.

From the tone of her voice, it was clear that she felt it was bordering on child abuse herself. My mom knows and loves my dh, so this really surprised me.

Am I just out in left field, that I don't think nudity around children, especially of the opposite gender, is any big deal? Can anyone make me feel better about this?


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Nope, not a big deal









America is so friggin' PRUDE, I swear. No wonder ppl have so many issues surrounding sex, sexuality, porn, the whole lot of it. If people would treat the human body as if it were truly NORMAL and not shameful and something to keep hidden, most of our problems surrounding sexual deviancy and abuse would stop.

Your daughter may get to a point where SHE'S not comfortable, and I'm sure you guys would totally respect that. To FORCE it is abuse. Anyone that sexually abuses a child wouldn't be so comfortable and open about being nude around her







:


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

ahhh, CPS would laugh at her


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

You're fine.

DD is 4.5 and still bathes with DS sometimes. No big deal. We'll have an open-door policy until the kids decide they don't want to see it anymore.

My family was pretty open - perfectly acceptable to streak across the living room if you forgot to bring a towel to the bathroom. We're not psychopaths. I don't think anyone would accuse my parents of sexual abuse for forgetting they weren't opening the door all the way because they didn't have underwear on (my dad, primarily) ocassionally...and we'd continue the conversation, because what the heck, it's just a body, it isn't like he was doing anything at the time.

I don't think I'm a psychopath.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

It is no problem at all! People are so terrified and narrow. Really as long as everyone is feeling comfortable and respected in their choices about nudity (at her age I am sure this is a non issue) its all good


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## Lula's Mom (Oct 29, 2003)

Yeah, I don't think that would be very high on the case list at CPS. :LOL

My daughter is 3. She bathes or showers with her dad whenever she is at his house (we are no longer together.) They also cosleep. I think it's great. She is often naked running around our house and Daddy's, and none of us have any problem with that.

When she develops the need for more privacy, she can choose to be dressed around family. And she can shower or bathe without her dad in there with her. Until then, it's way more convenient to shower together.







I actually think it would be kind of creepy for him to _stop_ showering with her at this point; I mean, that would sort of look like he was starting to feel inappropriate things about her as she gets older.

I think what your DH does is perfectly normal and healthy.


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

My Ds is three and I still shower with him sometimes. He also showers with Dh. He goes through phases where he is afraid of bathing, and as much as I would like to respect his wishes I just can't let him go dirty all the time. So twice a week he gets in the shower with Dh or I. I don't see anything at all strange about it. I mean I have to bathe him, he isn't old enough to do it himself so I am going to have to see him naked. We really are far to wrapped up in this whole body shame thing.







If you ask me teaching a child that their body is shamefull is the real child abuse.


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## ZoesToes (Aug 21, 2004)

.


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## Shann (Dec 19, 2003)

Amen, to all, esp. Candiland and Iris...excellent posts (esp. the last line, Iris) ! My family is very open about nudity. Our boys (7 and 9) are used to seeing both of us nude alot. We have a big pool behind our farmhouse and we go skinnydipping frequently in the summer. We also have friends who have kids the same age (and some older) and they don't have a problem with it either. They come over and skinnydip with us and bring the kids ! Nothing at all wrong with it !


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

...


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## because (Sep 11, 2003)

I think it's all a matter of following the child's lead--like so many other parenting things. At 1, I'm sure DD doesn't care. At 4, 6, 13... ?

In our family, we weren't nudists or anything but if you needed to change in a crowded hotel room or streak from the bathroom you'd just holler "NO BUM LOOKING!" a la Simon (Mike Myers?) from Saturday Night Live. It's a warning for anyone who's embarrassed to look away or else get an eye full. We still do this to this day!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

nudity does not equal sex. i sure hope it's not abuse because my 13yo ds still sees me naked on almost a daily basis. we don't bathe together anymore but he does come in the bathroom while i'm in the tub to ask a question or sometimes just sit and chat. we also rarelt shut the door when we use the toilet. this bothered my dh a bit (stepdad). he said my ds was checking me out. he may have been looking at me out of natural curiosity but not lust. i asked my dh if he lusted after his mother. he said no but she didn't look like me.







I said that was because she is his mother. Because of this my ds feels comfortable not just talking to me about the human body but also has no qualms about coming to me with a problem.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

What if you had a 1 year old son and you were bathing him. Would she think that was abuse? I think people are really quick to jump to conclusions when it's a man with a daughter but have no problem with the other way round.

Is he supposed to run a bath just for her and then one just for himself? How will he watch her while he's in the tub? Best way to solve it is to do both at once.

I wouldn't worry about what she thinks. Explain it clearly and then leave it alone. She obviously has a lot of issues with sexuality and the human body (probably from the way she was raised but still...)


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Seasons, excellent point.









I am quite certain, just by reading your one post, that just because you don't get nude with your kids doesn't mean you're teaching them shame about their bodies and sexuality!!!!!

Yup, just like "white priviledge", I sometimes forget all the things married, hetero couples "get away with" that other people may not be able to. That p*sses me off ROYALLY that CPS could and would stick their nose in otherwise healthy people's business like that. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........

(I don't deal too well with authority







)


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## Fleurette (Feb 28, 2003)

Nope, I don't think it's "bad". My dd who is over 2 years old will occassionally shower with my dh. She'll also shower with me.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *candiland*
If people would treat the human body as if it were truly NORMAL and not shameful and something to keep hidden, most of our problems surrounding sexual deviancy and abuse would stop.

What she said!!


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## myniyer (Feb 24, 2004)

Wow, I feel much better now. Obviously this is not the most mainstream group, lol, but at least I know there are others who think like me. Thanks


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## meco (Mar 1, 2004)

I was JUST going to posta thread about this.

But a rant at how naive people can be. We were born naked people!

I think it is fine. My DS is 20 months old and we still bathe together daily. And I change in front of him. I see no problem with it. When he is uncomfortable with it, then we will no longer continue. But I am letting him lead me.







And saving time in the process.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Am I the only one with an older child that does this? Now I'm beginning to feel weird.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

My 8yo DD and 4yo DS still get in the tub with me.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Oh, and we may be even stranger.....my sisters and I still occasionally shower together to save time when getting ready to go somewhere....we're 28, 24, and 19


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

I'm on the phone with Playboy RIGHT NOW.....

:LOL


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## frand (May 8, 2004)

Marinewife- no way -- I just showered with my almost 7 year old dd last night. Now that she's in first grade and has a stricter bedtime, we do this because we both get ready for bed faster this way and it gives us more time to cuddle before bed and relax. She's asleep within 10-15 minutes after, and I'm clean and have a second wind for the rest of the evening.









To the OP -- I have a picture on our fridge from when my daughter was about 9 months old -- she had a lot of hair and she's in the bathtub with my husband -- he bathed with her until she was about 2. In the picture, her soapy hair is twisted into a pointed horn on top of her head. It's adorable but the interesting thing is the reaction the picture has gotten over the years. Most people laugh at first because they just notice her, but then sometimes there is this silence when they take in the fact that my husband is sitting in the water too. You can't see his penis, just his bare torso and leg, but it's clear he's naked. It's usually older people, like my aunts, but I sensed it freaked out my teenage nephew a little too. And some of her little girlfriends (we live in a very conservative town) will say, "Is that your DAD?" and I can tell from their tone it shocks them a bit. One of her friends stared at the picture for the longest time and then said, "I want to see Sam's weiner but he won't let me!" Sam is her 8 year brother. I told her mother, who was HORRIFIED and said they were going to 'have a talk', and I felt bad because I thought it was a harmless, honest comment and I guess I got her in trouble. The real harm there is that she'll censor herself next time, and her mom won't know what she's thinking or curious about.

So yes, a lot of our culture still has a lot of inhibitions and shame about the human body. But my child hopefully will not because we just make our bodies and their functions and needs a normal part of life.


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## JavaFinch (May 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *myniyer*
My DH and my 1yo DD take a bath together every night. It is a very special time for them and I think it is sweet.

My mom was visiting this weekend and happened to walk in on them. She was VERY upset to see them naked together in the bathtub and commented that if anyone else were to see that, they might consider it child abuse, and she wouldn't be surprised if CPS got called.

From the tone of her voice, it was clear that she felt it was bordering on child abuse herself. My mom knows and loves my dh, so this really surprised me.

Am I just out in left field, that I don't think nudity around children, especially of the opposite gender, is any big deal? Can anyone make me feel better about this?

Wow, I can't imagine anyone feeling that way about a 1-year-old - she's a BABY! God bless your mom, but I'd ignore her on this one. Some kids feel strange around nudity - most often when it's something "different" and not something they're accustomed to. My ds is 5.5 and we still bathe together and I think nothing of changing in front of him or walking through the house nude. Most importantly, *HE* doesn't even seem to take notice of it. As he's getting older, I try to pay attention to pick up his cues and if I sense he is uncomfortable, I'll change my ways









Also, ds and his cousin of opposite sex still take baths together when she spends the night (they have forever). They love to play in there with foam soap and make potions, etc. Neither of them give a hoot about each other's nudity and I also do supervise. If you ask me, this is healthy - to make a body into something taboo, on the other hand, not good. Kids are different, too - I"m sure some 5-year-old boys would be really wierd in the tub with a girl - my ds is still TOTALLY oblivious to nudity.


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## mermommy (Aug 16, 2004)

Agreeing with pps - Dd ( 16 months now) bathes with DH - I see no reason to just stop it unless one or both of them want to stop. In our apartment if we open the curtains or have guests over we get dressed, if it's just us we wear whatever is most comfortable - including nothing. It boggles my mind that someone would think being naked/bathing together is abuse - or reportable to CPS.


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## elephantheart (Sep 2, 2004)

I took baths with my dad all throughout early childhood, and I agree that there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. I can remember splashing around and playing with him in the bubbles, and it was all innocent fun. I don't think that there is any leg to stand on as far as child abuse is concerned, I mean, that's just kind of rediculous!


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## sewingbarbj (Jun 15, 2004)

It is so sad how some people worry about a perfectly natural thing. My father in law is horrified if our girls strip, and my 3 year old still likes to bath with dad. My family was always very relaxed about nudity and I turned out just fine.
In many cultures the family bath is part of culture.I think it is like breast feeding or any other practice that our culture has decided is "private" they find it hard to accept what their parents told them was wrong. All the more reason to help our children feel accepted at home.


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Well I am the lone person who doesn't do this. Its not because I judge anyone else for doing it and in my heart I KNOW its innocent but I was molested as a child and I can't stand for anyone to be around my kids naked. They see my breasts all the time but I am rarely naked in front of them. DH never is. When Elijah was 2.5 we were at my inlaws and I came upon my FIL in the bath with my son. He was wearing swimtrunks (FIL) but I totally flipped out. I know it was ridiculous but I can't help how I feel.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I think americas parinoidness is the reason that so many people have body image problems. It is sooooooooooooooooooo sad to me. I believe that they way my children see me react to my body sets them up in the future with how they will react to theirs. If I panic when they enter the room when I am changing they are going to think that I an ashamed of my body and as a result be ashamed of their own!

Also I think it is important for children to see the oposite sex parent naked. It is sad to me that so many childrens first glance at a naked person of the opposite sex is as a preteen. It is shocking and scary at this point.

Just makes me sad..............people don't realize how their prude ways so often harm their children.

The human body is a beautiful thing......................it should always be treated as such. It is not dirty.


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## cozymama (Apr 27, 2004)

..


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I grew up being pretty naked around my mum and younger sisters, but I know my dad wouldn't have been too comfortable with me sans clothes. He's kinda old school...

As for my dh and 21 month old dd - he's the one that's not comfortable. She has an IMMENSE interest in his "private area" and he doesn't like to have a bath with her anymore. But they did for the last year or so.... it's his choice IMO.

And as to Marinewife (I believe it was) that said her older child would visit her in the washroom or see her undressed... us too! Whenever I'm at my parents I can talk to my mum when she's in the tub or getting dressed. And lots of times we all jump into my parents hot tub together (my mum, my two sisters, me and dd) and hang out. It's COMPLETELY normal IMO.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Good to know we're normal and everyone else is whacked.


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## wasabi (Oct 12, 2004)

My parents were really horrible about this issue. My sister and I once got a horrible lecture about incest (complete with scriptures) when we were "caught" wrestling around on a bed and I was looking at her butt in her pants and saying "butt." We were never supposed to be naked and to this day I've never seen either of my parents naked. As a result it's something I'm much more relaxed about. DD is two and she still sees DH and I naked all the time and still bathes and showers with us. Now to be honest at some point I'd probably feel more comfortable not being naked around a child of the opposite sex. That's just me. I know DH used to talk to his mom in the bathtub etc. I just don't think I'm there but maybe I will be when that time comes.

Oh and for what it's worth we were about 4 and 5.


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

I had the best morning last week- I was in the shower, and my older kids decided to join me. We ended up playing in the bathtub for almost an hour- 4 of us- me, DS (4.5), DD (2.5) and DD (9 months). It was so much fun. What a relaxing way to start the day.

In addition to occasionally bathing together, my kids see me naked/ changing clothes/ nursing the baby ALL the time. It's a rare day when my kids don't see some skin.

naked does not = sex.


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## Nudist mother (6 mo ago)

My kids are 4 and 6 they still join my bath and it's a lovely bonding time nudity is healthy love joining other moms when I can


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