# Night Weaning a 6 month old from Breastfeeding



## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I have a feeling of what kind of responses I'm going to get here but I'm hoping someone has some advice for me anyway

My sleep deprivation is negatively affecting my relationship with my baby. I think I've pretty much done everything I can to maximize my sleep. We co-sleep (comfortably), I nap when she naps. I'm still so exhausted, though, that I can't function. I am perpetually grumpy, and I try to avoid contact with the baby during the day because I am just so touched out. I had a panic attack tonight over it. I have insomnia because I fear going to bed - I know I'll have to wake up every 2 hours. I'm also afraid to wake up in the morning because I'm so stressed and exhausted after the night that my mood just nose dives. I have very severe depression so it's pretty dangerous (it sounds ridiculous but a bad mood for me can be life-threatening).

Has anyone tried to night wean a 6 month old? This sounds crazy to me but I just can't deal anymore.

At this point, I just want peace. Please help.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Nightweaning a 6 month old is in no way developmentally appropriate. That said, no one deserves to feel rotten all the time. Perhaps you could lay out what your night looks like as far as bed time, sleep, wakings, time awake, etc and see if anyone has any tips?

-Angela


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 









Nightweaning a 6 month old is in no way developmentally appropriate. That said, no one deserves to feel rotten all the time. Perhaps you could lay out what your night looks like as far as bed time, sleep, wakings, time awake, etc and see if anyone has any tips?

-Angela

Last night she went to bed at 8 but that is just too early for me. I decided to stay up until she woke for her next feeding (to maximize my own sleep). She woke up at 12. She refused to eat and just wanted to cry. I stayed up with her trying to get her to sleep until 2. She woke up at 3ish to eat, then again at 5. She woke up for the day at 7.

I was so tired today that I fell asleep while I was playing with her on the floor in the living room. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but when I woke up she was all the way across the room crying.









I wouldn't be able to tell you what a typical night is like, because there are NO typical nights. Every night is different, but equally as exhausting. I feel like if she had regular times when she woke up it might be easier because I could get into a rhythm but its just so random. A lot of my fear of the night comes from the fact that it is just so unknown.


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## uccellina (Jan 26, 2006)

You shouldn't feel like your health or safety - or that of your child - is at risk. I'm curious as to why you're waking up fully for the night feedings. Have you tried nursing while lying down? Alternatively, would it be possible for you to pump during the day and have your partner do some of the night feeding with bottles?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Really, that's a pretty good sleep pattern- except for the waking and crying bit. Her first stretch is 4 hours (in that example) which is nearly enough to be considered "sleeping through the night" (5 hours) I would think that part of the problem is that it's not lining up to when YOU sleep.

Just tossing ideas out here- have you tried going to bed that early? Or have you tried keeping her up until you go to sleep? If you were getting that one longer run WITH her, I wonder if you would feel better?

The up crying is tough. Is she teething? Do you think it could be food sensitivities?

Is she often up crying at night? Or just usually nursing frequently?

Can you sleep through her wakings for nursings? Or nearly? For me that helps a lot- when I don't have to wake up all the way for the nursing wakings.

But the crying wakings are much, MUCH harder.

-Angela


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *uccellina* 
You shouldn't feel like your health or safety - or that of your child - is at risk. I'm curious as to why you're waking up fully for the night feedings. Have you tried nursing while lying down? Alternatively, would it be possible for you to pump during the day and have your partner do some of the night feeding with bottles?

I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say with your first sentence. My health is at risk. Why shouldn't I feel that way?

Some people can sleep with another person sucking on their nipples and others can't.

I always nurse lying down.

I will wake up with the baby regardless of whether DH takes care of it or not. Besides, he has to go to work. He's also useless at night. He wakes up apologizing for stealing my electrons (yes, this actually happened). Last night I tried to wake him up and he told me, "You should NOT have gotten those cheeseburgers."







He's just as much of a zombie at night as I am.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 









Really, that's a pretty good sleep pattern- except for the waking and crying bit. Her first stretch is 4 hours (in that example) which is nearly enough to be considered "sleeping through the night" (5 hours) I would think that part of the problem is that it's not lining up to when YOU sleep.

Just tossing ideas out here- have you tried going to bed that early? Or have you tried keeping her up until you go to sleep? If you were getting that one longer run WITH her, I wonder if you would feel better?

The up crying is tough. Is she teething? Do you think it could be food sensitivities?

Is she often up crying at night? Or just usually nursing frequently?

Can you sleep through her wakings for nursings? Or nearly? For me that helps a lot- when I don't have to wake up all the way for the nursing wakings.

But the crying wakings are much, MUCH harder.

-Angela

If I went to bed at 8, my DH would be crushed. He only has so much time at home and he doesn't want to spend it alone. So, no, I've never tried that.

We tried having DD stay up until we went to bed but then she's sleep deprived. It was just too late for her.

Sometimes she cries all night, sometimes she just nurses. It's unpredictable. I think if it were more predictable I would be able to cope. Is there anyway to put her on, say, a night schedule?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
If I went to bed at 8, my DH would be crushed. He only has so much time at home and he doesn't want to spend it alone. So, no, I've never tried that.

We tried having DD stay up until we went to bed but then she's sleep deprived. It was just too late for her.

Sometimes she cries all night, sometimes she just nurses. It's unpredictable. I think if it were more predictable I would be able to cope. Is there anyway to put her on, say, a night schedule?

No- there's really no good way to put a baby on a schedule that they don't create for themselves.

I think sometimes as parents, we have to put needs ahead of wants. You NEED sleep. Your dh WANTS company. If there is not a way for you to get enough sleep AND for him to get company, then your need for sleep trumps his want.

I'd go to bed when she does for a week or two and try to get caught up on sleep.

The crying I would try to analyze. I would look first at teething. Second at possible food sensitivities.

The waking to nurse, is normal- that I would work for *you* to get more comfortable and able to sleep through it.

I think they are really three separate issues that have combined to make one miserable mama.










-Angela


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Moving to breastfeeding.


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## Chinese Pistache (May 29, 2006)

Mama, have you considered that you might have a thyroid problem or other health issue that's causing you to be so tired? It sounds like you're getting plenty of sleep, so your extreme tiredness just doesn't seem normal to me. Have you had bloodwork done recently? Pregnancy is a really common time for thyroid issues to creep up.


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## pbjmama (Sep 20, 2007)

Have you considered (or maybe you are already on) medication for your depression/anxiety? Are you taking any sorts of vitamins (thinking anemia)?

I think in this instance it would be acceptable to take a few nights to go to bed early and catch up on sleep. Maybe do it on a Thursday and Friday so you and your dh and make up the time on the weekend?A warm bath and a few sips of wine maybe?

Do you have some other family member or friend that could come and take care of baby for a morning or two so you can sleep in?

_I was so tired today that I fell asleep while I was playing with her on the floor in the living room. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but when I woke up she was all the way across the room crying._

This bothers me. Loosing time is not good. I would consider taking to a mental health professional.


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## poiyt (Jul 6, 2008)

Im going to try not to sound b*tchy...I tend to do that







I really am a nice person.

2 hours of sleep (after the 4 hour stretch) at a time is really a decent length of time. Breastfed babies digest faster, and when they are younger (6months is still young) they need to eat more often, and they can't handle an empty, or even semi empty stomach.

I think, rather than adjusting your babies sleep, like pp have suggested - you need to adjust your own. Napping when she naps is a fantastic idea. Go to bed, when she goes to bed at 8:00. If your DH absolutely needs time with you, stay up for an extra 30minutes and do something as a couple (not just sit and watch tv) and then go to bed.

For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule. And your need for sleep definately triumphs your dh's want for time.

This too does pass - my dd was up every hour until she was about 10months, then every 2 hours until about 14months. But she is 17months now, and she almost sleeps through the night (8:00-6:30a) and we have had no sleep issues (in the sense or making her cio, or night wean...) it just happened naturally - but there were trying nights, and nights of tears (many), and days when I would DREAD the night...but it ends.


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## MissE (May 12, 2007)

I might get booed for that but what if you put your LO into her own bed, even if it's just across the room? DD is about the age of your LO and she will nurse every hour or so when she is laying right next to me, just because she can smell me, she's aroused, wants to nurse and suck all the time. I have her in our bed for nursings, maybe I fall back asleep but sometims she just squirms and wants to suck, even though she's not hungry anymore so I put her in her own bed. She soothes herself with her thumb and goes right back to sleep. In her crib, she usually sleeps a good 5hrs strech, sometimes less, sometimes even more. You can still be on your babies schedule but that way you can move in your bed and she might not be waking up as much. Just a thought, maybe worth a try.

Good luck.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I'm really not getting a lot of sleep. I would never be able to go to bed that early. I have insomnia (depression/anxiety). I am on antidepressants. I gather, though, it is not working as it should.

I have had blood work done recently. No thyroid or iron issues.

"For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule."

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissE* 
I might get booed for that but what if you put your LO into her own bed, even if it's just across the room? DD is about the age of your LO and she will nurse every hour or so when she is laying right next to me, just because she can smell me, she's aroused, wants to nurse and suck all the time. I have her in our bed for nursings, maybe I fall back asleep but sometims she just squirms and wants to suck, even though she's not hungry anymore so I put her in her own bed. She soothes herself with her thumb and goes right back to sleep. In her crib, she usually sleeps a good 5hrs strech, sometimes less, sometimes even more. You can still be on your babies schedule but that way you can move in your bed and she might not be waking up as much. Just a thought, maybe worth a try.

Good luck.

I tried that. She sleeps well in her crib. The problem is that when she sleeps in her crib when she wakes to eat I wake up to the point that I can't fall asleep for at least a half hour. When she's right there I don't stay awake as long. I think she wakes up pretty much the same amount either way.


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## WyattsMom2008 (May 9, 2008)

I know this doesn't solve your whole problem, and at least one other pp has suggested it too, but have you considered if she's teething? The part where you described her waking up crying but refusing to nurse reminds me of how ds acted when he first started teething. Your descriptions of the unpredictability of her waking patterns also reminds me of teething. ds was predictable in his sleeping and waking patterns until teething hit. Have you tried to give your baby anything for her teething just to see if it would help her sleep better?

Another suggestion - and I know this isn't a magic bullet, but it may help just a little bit. It has helped me. I got a cheap Conair alarm clock with white noise settings, and I wish I had gotten it a long time ago. One good thing about it is that it helps mask noises so that when dh or I stir, it doesn't wake ds as much. It also seems to make him fall asleep faster and sleep a little more deeply and a little longer.

As for comprehensive advice on night weaning a six month old, there are really only three options for you:

1) Sheer luck, and you and I both know you don't have that

2) Crying it out, which I think you know nobody here will ever recommend for a second. If you are here to be talked out of that, you came to the right place. If you are seeking permission for it - hoping that somebody here would tell you that it is the lesser evil in your situation - you came to the wrong place.

3) Following the gentle night weaning methods in The No Cry Sleep Solution. These methods do not work overnight, they do not work for everybody, and they require some patience.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I'm really not getting a lot of sleep. I would never be able to go to bed that early. I have insomnia (depression/anxiety). I am on antidepressants. I gather, though, it is not working as it should.

I have had blood work done recently. No thyroid or iron issues.

"For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule."

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.











Then honestly, it sounds like a mom issue, not a baby issue.

The solution for more sleep is to go to sleep when she does. What could you do to work toward that?

Or perhaps your meds need to be adjusted?

Good luck!

-Angela


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## WyattsMom2008 (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
"For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule."

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.

If you feel this adamant and clear about your choices then I think you already know what you want to do and are hoping to be absolved of guilt about choosing it.


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## changingseasons (Mar 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
If I went to bed at 8, my DH would be crushed. He only has so much time at home and he doesn't want to spend it alone. So, no, I've never tried that.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I'm really not getting a lot of sleep. I would never be able to go to bed that early. I have insomnia (depression/anxiety). I am on antidepressants. I gather, though, it is not working as it should.

I'm a little confused. Are you not going to bed early because your DH would be sad and lonely, or because you have insomnia and can't sleep that early? Perhaps it's the insomnia that is causing the problems rather than your baby waking at night? Have you spoken to your HCP about your insomnia and depression/anxiety? If it's truly for your DH's benefit that you're staying up, I think you need to reevaluate your priorities. I'm sure your DH would prefer a healthy, sane wife and be a little lonely in the evenings.

I agree with you that your life and health are the most important thing. But I think that you are focusing all your energy on the baby eating being the problem, when reading your posts it really sounds like you have a lot more going on in your life. You also should keep in mind that even if you decided to nightwean, it might not work. And you might end up with a baby screaming for hours on end, rather than once every 2 hours. Babies wake up at night. You need to be able to deal with that. IMHO you really need to talk to a HCP about your issues asap.


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## poiyt (Jul 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I'm really not getting a lot of sleep. I would never be able to go to bed that early. I have insomnia (depression/anxiety). I am on antidepressants. I gather, though, it is not working as it should.

I have had blood work done recently. No thyroid or iron issues.

"For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule."

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.

It seems to me that the problem then is not her waking - but issues outside of being a mother - that are only exasperated by having a baby (who by all accounts seems perfectly normal).

Perhaps you need to reduce stress in your life another way, and make THAT a priority in your life. Your baby - and reducing stress (however that is - yoga, meditation, counselling) - and then allow other things back in as you feel able to deal with them.

Perhaps your hormones have changed since having a baby and your meds need to be changed so as to allow you to handle everything smoothly.

Perhaps you need to try alternative therapies: light therapy (used for S.A.D.), aromatherapy, marijuana, acupuncture, shiro dhara).

It doesnt seem like the answer to your insomnia is having your baby sleep longer, because as you said you arent sleeping when she sleeps anyways - so instead of trying to adjust her patterns/needs I would suggest working on ways to help alleviate the other issues.


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## Keria (Sep 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WyattsMom2008* 
If you feel this adamant and clear about your choices then I think you already know what you want to do and are hoping to be absolved of guilt about choosing it.

I think she was looking for advice on how to nightwean, not looking for MDCs absolution of her sins.

To the OP i would try moving bedtime 30 minutes or even 15 minutes at time so you can all go to bed together.

I know babies that were STTN by 6 months.


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

Oh sweetie, I am sorry you are having such a rough time. I have a 7 month old and am always tired but it is getting better. I have also had some issues with severe depression in the past so I know how desperate it can make you feel and lack of sleep compounds the problem.

Just a couple of thoughts:

This not popular here but does she take a paci at all? I am not suggesting that you replace nutrients with the paci but it may help soothe some of her fussiness when she is not really interested in eating. Could help with some of the negative feelings toward night nursing.

Also, Have you tried using the crib as a side car to your bed so that baby is still very close but not actually in your bed? This may help you sleep a little more soundly and you wouldn't have to wake completely up to move her closer to you when she needs to nurse.

We have a little attachment for ds's crib that vibrates the mattress it also has some white noise features. It seems to help him. When he starts to stir a little bit, the vibration comes back on and sometimes lulls him back to sleep giving a little bit more shut eye.

I can tell by your posts that you are really struggling. I hope things improve for you very soon.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I'm really not trying to pretend like the baby has the problem.

*I* have the problem, I'm trying to help myself by having her sleep longer stretches so that I can get more sleep. Well, that was the idea, anyway.

I don't think I'm communicating myself very well. I had sleep problems before the baby came but now they are just intolerable. I feel like I'm in a position to fix my sleep problems, and what's holding me back is having to get up multiple times in the middle of the night. Is that understandable?

Anyway, thanks for your replies and concern.

I talked to DH about it and he volunteered to take over for a few nights and see how it goes. Or maybe we can alternate nights. She's going to need to get a little formula but that really doesn't upset me too much at this point.


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## Amanda589 (Sep 24, 2008)

IMO try pumping her milk for the night feeding... It gets better. DD is 6months and I'm not diagnosed at severe depression but definate PTSD (IMO) I started working out more in the day to be sure I'm tired. My D is teething right now so it's really uncomfortable for her. She actually had NO problems taking a bottle from me so I would recommend trying that to ease your sleep. As far as night weaning I agree that it would be a Negative event for both of you guys. Ido believe it will become better. Enjoy her as much as possible but if your anti-touch during the day it's okay you'll fall in love again soon. Hope this helps







:


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

I know you said you got tested and have no thyroid or iron issues but what about adrenal? I have adrenal fatigue and there have been days when I've had to all DH home from work (luckily we own the business) because I'm falling asleep when I shouldn't be.








I have no advice. DD2 was a rough baby and I thought about weaning her at a young age as well. I couldn't do it though. It came down to not wanting to deal with her crying from the weaning. I could deal with the crappy sleep but the crying would have sent me over the edge...crying gets on my nerves so fast.

I understand the anxiety issues. It's a whole 'nother ballgame huh? Maybe look into licorice root tonic? Here's a link for some. I've been told it's bfing friendly but haven't looked into it yet. I plan on getting some here soon.


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

I just had to come back and post again. Your struggle has really hit home with me.

I completely weaned my second child at around 6 months in order to deal with some mental health issues. I had a difficult pregnancy, was on bedrest for 3 months, and ended up with a premature birth. I was depressed, having panick attacks, and was later diagnosed with PTSD and OCD. I made the decision to wean him to go on heavy duty antidepressants.

Now, I am not suggesting that you completely wean your little one, as I did. I would do everything I could to avoid that. I am also not suggesting that your situation is the same as mine. One thing is clear though, we all owe it to our children to take care of their mama.

Only you can decide what it right for you and your baby but no matter what you decide please please please get the help you need.


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## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *poiyt* 
It seems to me that the problem then is not her waking - but issues outside of being a mother - that are only exasperated by having a baby (who by all accounts seems perfectly normal).

Perhaps you need to reduce stress in your life another way, and make THAT a priority in your life. Your baby - and reducing stress (however that is - yoga, meditation, counselling) - and then allow other things back in as you feel able to deal with them.

Perhaps your hormones have changed since having a baby and your meds need to be changed so as to allow you to handle everything smoothly.

Perhaps you need to try alternative therapies: light therapy (used for S.A.D.), aromatherapy, marijuana, acupuncture, shiro dhara).

It doesnt seem like the answer to your insomnia is having your baby sleep longer, because as you said you arent sleeping when she sleeps anyways - so instead of trying to adjust her patterns/needs I would suggest working on ways to help alleviate the other issues.









:

I have serious insomnia issues as well, dd would wake and I'd be up for hours in the middle of the night. I also have scoliosis and can't sleep nursing her. And fibromyalgia so the night wakings were causing serious fibro attacks during the day. DD has severe sleep problems. And I mean SEVERE. waking every 7 minutes for a whole month and then for numerous months before and after that every 20. I feel where your coming from. I really do. But nightweaning isn't the answer. Do you drink caffeine? after I cut caffeine out of my diet I slept better at night, way better actually. Then I cut out the daytime naps I was taking with her. I found that I was sleeping in small chunks during the day so then at night I wasn't as tired and therefore couldn't sleep through the nursing.

a 4 hour stretch is a big stretch. Your dh will just have to understand, this is just a phase and soon she'll be sleeping better. To me it seems, and I could be completely wrong, but you are putting your dh above your dd. To nightwean her would be nothing more than putting your dh's wants above your babies needs. If you could go to bed at 8, even if you weren't sleeping, it would help. Just laying and resting in bed is better than being up and about. You and dh will have to figure out other ways to connect that don't involve you sacraficing your health or your babies nutritional needs.

The key for us was teaching dd how to fall asleep on her own. It wasn't hard, and there was barely any crying involved (and no cio) and she started sleeping much better. BUT she was also 13 months when she started that.

I don't know if thats the answer you wanted to hear...but its all I've got







The only one who knows everything about your situation is you and if you truly believe that you've exhausted all other options and nightweaning is the only way you will get sleep, that it will fix your insomnia ect then do it. The No Cry Sleep Solution is great, and The Baby Whisperer also has some great ideas. Good luck


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## Danielle13 (Oct 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 







I have no advice. DD2 was a rough baby and I thought about weaning her at a young age as well. I couldn't do it though. It came down to not wanting to deal with her crying from the weaning. I could deal with the crappy sleep but the crying would have sent me over the edge...crying gets on my nerves so fast.


ditto ditto DITTO!

We tried to nightwean a few times when I thought I was going to die from the sleep deprivation...literally







and when I would just pass out during the day in the middle of anything. BUT the crying was so bad! it would be like an hour and I'd be like screw this, I don't care how bad the sleep is ANYTHING is better than this!! *sigh* thank the Lord it all worked out


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## Belia (Dec 22, 2007)

I'm so sorry you're struggling, mama.

Pump and have DH take over a feeding or two- maybe the late evening one and/or an early morning one before he goes to work.

Use a box fan at night to create some white noise- that helped DS sleep longer stretches.

Do what you have to do in order to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.


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## tiffani (May 17, 2002)

aw, hugs, mama, sorry you're having such a rough time!!

if you can pump, it would be vastly superior to formula, not only nutritionally, but the last thing you need now is the potential digestive upset that might come from introducing formula...

and while it can be soooooo hard on dads in the first year of a kid's life, they do have to just kind of suck it up and help you get the sleep you need. what if you stayed up with him for an hour, then went to bed at 9? if you get enough exercise and fresh air during the day, you might find that you're able to fall asleep at 9? or take a book to bed at 8 when the baby goes to sleep, and that might help you drift off by 9 or so... staying up until midnight is way too late, with a baby waking up a few times, and up for the day at 7 -- I disagree with the pp who said that you're getting enough sleep, and if it were me, I'd really try to go to bed earlier. I know how tempting it is to have that time without the kid, but you pay for it the next day!!

good luck finding a solution, but nightweaning will probably not work anyway, since she's still so little. try to keep in mind that it is temporary, that you will have your body and your time and your husband and your sleep back eventually -- I know it doesn't solve the immediate issue, but your dh can handle a few hours on his own in the evenings if it means adequate sleep for you... he may even decide that going to bed at 9 or 10 is the bee's knees!


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## LadyCatherine185 (Aug 12, 2008)

Mama that is so rough.














:
















My DS sleeps almost exactly like your DD, only a little worse.







He will have one long stretch, usually 8-12, then up hourly till 5 and up for good. It is SO tough, I am exhausted ALL the time. I can't imagine dealing with this in addition to depression (although I do have a bit of anxiety issues, and like you I get very anxious at night when I go to bed, and, rarely, have panic attacks..).

I know you want time with your DH in the evenings, but I think for now, he is going to have to realize that YOUR health is more important right now, and not expect you to stay up so late with him.

I will tell you some of the things that have worked for me, to help me manage.

-going to bed when DS goes to bed, no more than an hour after he goes to bed. (i know you said you can't sleep, but even just laying down and letting your body rest is better than staying up) Have a night ritual for yourself. Maybe a warm bath, some relaxing music, a glass of wine.
-putting DS in his crib for his first long stretch of the night. This helps me get GOOD solid rest for a least a couple hours
-bringing him into bed, side-lie nursing the rest of the night
-in the morning, when DH gets up for work, which is usually the same time DS wakes for the day, DH takes DS and changes his diaper, gives him his reflux meds and keeps him with him while he gets ready for work. sometimes DS fusses a little but this gets me an extra 30-45 min's of sleep in the morning!
-on saturday mornings, DH and DS have a 'man date.' DH takes DS out somewhere for a couple hours and lets me sleep in the complete quietness of our house. Sunday mornings we go to church, but if you don't, your DH could do this for you Saturday and Sunday mornings
-napping when he naps during the day

I also second other's suggestions of having DH take over part of the night for awhile. Even if he just does, say 3-7 am every other week, that would be SUCH a difference for you!

Also, sometimes nursing more during the day can help lessen the nursing at night.

The waking up crying does sound a little off to me, it could be teething (DS just got his first tooth last week and he was up crying quite a bit) or food sensitivities.

Lastly, if you are going to nightwean, I recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution. It does take a LONG time to get to the point of nightweaned, but there is also a 'quicker' weaning process for parents who are, like you, at the end of their rope.

I hope you get some more good suggestions, and I hope something works for you Mama. This is really tough, hang in there! Only 6 more months and they will be a year old and be sleeping much better by then! (that is what I have to keep telling myself so that I don't go completely insane!







)


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## farmerjess (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LadyCatherine185* 
Mama that is so rough.














:
















I will tell you some of the things that have worked for me, to help me manage.

-going to bed when DS goes to bed, no more than an hour after he goes to bed. (i know you said you can't sleep, but even just laying down and letting your body rest is better than staying up) Have a night ritual for yourself. Maybe a warm bath, some relaxing music, a glass of wine.
-putting DS in his crib for his first long stretch of the night. This helps me get GOOD solid rest for a least a couple hours
-bringing him into bed, side-lie nursing the rest of the night
-in the morning, when DH gets up for work, which is usually the same time DS wakes for the day, DH takes DS and changes his diaper, gives him his reflux meds and keeps him with him while he gets ready for work. sometimes DS fusses a little but this gets me an extra 30-45 min's of sleep in the morning!
-on saturday mornings, DH and DS have a 'man date.' DH takes DS out somewhere for a couple hours and lets me sleep in the complete quietness of our house. Sunday mornings we go to church, but if you don't, your DH could do this for you Saturday and Sunday mornings
-napping when he naps during the day










mama, your post really rings true for me. I am not depressed (not yet, I don't think), but I have a anxiety and insomnia, dread bedtime, etc. My baby wakes up as much as every hour all night long (we are investigating food sensitivities, which is very stressful and hasn't helped much). We do most of the things that LadyCath rec's except that I don't hardly ever take a nap with the LO, I have to make sure I get mentally and physically worn out during the day. For mental, I try to drive somewhere with him, which is pretty hard, and for physical I try to walk at least 30 min. I also do not put him in a crib because I would not be able to sleep well without him either







and I would also wake up fully and not be able to go to sleep again. When we go to bed, I feel so tired, but sometimes I just lay there with him for hours. It is so frustrating and drives me crazy with anxiety. Some other things that help are taking Magnesium Calm powder right before bed, and taking homeopathic Calms Forte. Affirmations are also really key for me. As soon as I get on a negative trip, everything gets worse and I feel like I am losing grip on reality a little bit. Sometimes I cannot imagine this going on for another year or longer. But really it's just like birth....one night at a time, if you think towards the future it is way too overwhelming.


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## MamaWillow (Jan 18, 2009)

Oh mama I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Here are a few ideas, somethings to maybe try:

*Do you wear your baby during the day? Dr. Sears says that babies who are worn during the day for at least 3 hours tend to take shorter cat naps and then sleep longer at night. Just leave her on while she naps and you do stuff. I think Dr. Sears also has the book "nighttime parenting," check it out.
*Are you BFing on demand during the day? That may help DD to get enough during the day and not need as much at night. My DS likes to nurse from 6 or 7 until 10, pretty much non-stop, then he'll sleep for 5 hours.
*maybe don't put DD "to bed," just let her snooze on you for the evening while you hang out with DH, rouse her a little when you are ready for bed but don't ler her wake up fully, and climb into bed with her, nurse and go to sleep.
*When my DD was about 6 months she began using me as a human paci and wanted to suck all night...it drove me crazy. I ended up putting her in a pack and play on the other side of the room. It definitely helped some and she slept for a longer stretch. I also gave her a pacifier (i know usually frowned upon) but it kept her sleeping longer and kept my sanity. When she woke up I would just bring her into bed with me, then we would sleep together the rest of the night. It just felt nice to be able to have a few hours of sleeping alone. She also didn't wake as often in her own bed because she didn't smell me, i think.

Now, about you and your health:

*as far as being SO tired goes, you may want to try cutting out potential allergens in your own diet (for you, not for BF). I used to be extremely tired all the time, no energy, etc, until I cut out gluten(wheat stuff mostly). It changed my life. Try it for a week, then eat some and see how you feel.
*take lots of fish oil. not the drug-store or costco kind, get some carlson's or nordic naturals from a health food store. this stuff is amazing and essential for brain function. I helps me a lot with anxiety.
*try magnesium an hour before bedtime. you can take up to 500mg a day. it is very relaxing and may help you sleep, and will also help with your mood. My DH made it a requirement while I was pregnant because if I didn't take it I was a raging *&%$&. I would like to say that magnesium saved our marriage while I was preg.
*take long walks every day, like for an hour. this is something you can do with your baby...put her in the stroller or front pack and start walking. she will probably have a nap then too. the fresh air and exercise is so good for mental health, and will also energize you. i get bored walking for so long, so sometimes I drive to a different part of town and begin walking, decide which turn to take at every intersection, which makes it sort of an adventure. go up some hills too so you get your heart rate up. this will also help make you tried.
*cut out sugar. not only will it make you feel more tired, it may also contribute to mood problems. that doesn't just mean sweets, but anything with ANY sugar in it. yogurts, sodas, breakfast cereal, etc. it's hard but worth it.
*follow advice of PP and have DH take DD for a date on saturday mornings so you can have a break. I also find that I have to physically leave my house for a break...DH can't seem to deal with DS alone if I am around. If I'm not around, well he''ll just have to figure it out for himself, right?
*think about yourself more and don't worry so much about DH's feelings. He needs to understand that he needs to make some sacrifices for the health of your whole family (like take a little alone time at night if you need to go to bed).

Sorry that this got so long. I"m not an expert or anything, but these are just a few things that have worked for us. I wish you the best and hope that you can try some new things that may create some change for you and family. I know when you are feeling crappy and desperate it's easy to think that there is only one way to fix things. i think with the right combination you can do it, you can make things work better, without having to resort to CIO.

love and hugs, rachel


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## uccellina (Jan 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I'm not sure exactly what you're trying to say with your first sentence. My health is at risk. Why shouldn't I feel that way?

Two seconds to type with a baby yelling - I meant you shouldn't HAVE to feel that way, not that you're wrong for feeling it! I meant this sounds like a bad problem in need of a solution. I was trying to be sympathetic, sorry


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## Surfer Rosa (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I have a feeling of what kind of responses I'm going to get here but I'm hoping someone has some advice for me anyway

My sleep deprivation is negatively affecting my relationship with my baby. I think I've pretty much done everything I can to maximize my sleep. We co-sleep (comfortably), I nap when she naps. I'm still so exhausted, though, that I can't function. I am perpetually grumpy, and I try to avoid contact with the baby during the day because I am just so touched out. I had a panic attack tonight over it. I have insomnia because I fear going to bed - I know I'll have to wake up every 2 hours. I'm also afraid to wake up in the morning because I'm so stressed and exhausted after the night that my mood just nose dives. I have very severe depression so it's pretty dangerous (it sounds ridiculous but a bad mood for me can be life-threatening).

Has anyone tried to night wean a 6 month old? This sounds crazy to me but I just can't deal anymore.

At this point, I just want peace. Please help.

Mama, you have to do what's right for you.

We co-slept with our first dc, adn she was a "bad" sleeper: fitful, very easily awoken...so we moved her out of our room at 6 months. She slept more, she nursed less, we were all much happier. The first week was rough-I was getting up a lot, but about 2 weeks in, she was only waking up once a night, and around 8.5 months, she started sttn. I don't think she would have done this if she'd still been in our bed.

it was hard for me to move her out of our room, but we were all waking each other up all night, and all super crabby. in the long run, it was definitely the right choice for our family.
hth!


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## rachelsmama (Jun 20, 2005)

Is your DH able to fall asleep at 8pm? If so, could he go to sleep when baby does so that he can get up earlier and take care of baby while you sleep more?


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## lilith1 (Dec 5, 2008)

Ladies, I must be crazy, but I actually don't mind night nursing.
The way I look at it is that if he is hungry at night he is healthy, going good. If he wasn't, I'd be up at night worrying about that.

Another thought I have on that subject is that falling SIDS numbers might have something to do with more moms nursing, more babes waking up at night at a frequent schedule, hence not sleeping as deep. That's my thought on that and that actually put it in perspective to me whenever I was grumpy about having to get up again while DH is snoozing...

Mind you though, I don't suffer from depression or sleep issues. However, my DH does , pretty severe at times, and I watch him like a hawk for any subtle changes. I'm glad your DH is willing take over a night or 2. Mine does that and it makes a world of difference.

I wish you the best!!


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## FullMetalMom (Aug 27, 2008)

You have gotten a lot of good advice. I was wondering how much time you get to yourself, during the day. A lot of health (mental and otherwise) issues tend to be magnified at night, but I found that when I started doing things for myself during the day I slept better no matter how my dd was sleeping. First, exercise is SUPER important. Do you exercise regularly? Find a gym with free childcare - burning off energy during the day can help your depression and help you sleep better at night. Second, get a babysitter or someone who can watch your little one so you can sleep during the day or go and do something you truly enjoy. Go sit at Starbucks, get some tea and just relax or read a book.

I think it would be worth it for you to get someone to watch the baby or at least join a gym where you can leave her in the childcare area and burn off some energy. They don't sound like bit things, but once you have time to just think about you and recharge your batteries, the nights get easier. Good luck.


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## LeahC (Sep 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.


Momma, you need more assistance than just help with nightweaning a 6 month old. The above statement screams that loud and clear. I think it might be time to talk to your doctor about increasing or changing your medications for anxiety/ depression. I think once you get your balance back you will see her nightwakings in a whole new light (similar to how we are seeing her pretty good sleep schedule from an objective viewpoint).

And to put it into perspective, my 8 month old daughter went to bed last night at 7pm, woke up at 12am, then again at 2:30am, again at 5:30am and then up for the day at 7am. Now, we have had a number of colds, 2 teeth breaking through and a double ear infection, but I still think she is sleeping pretty well and know that it will only get better with time.


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## marge&rooter (May 25, 2007)

You are very wise.
Unless YOU are taken care of, nothing else matters.

Look at what you CAN do. Changing your baby's patterns? No. Not without a lot of head banging.
Getting more sleep by asking husband to take over at night- YES! Great plan mama. Formula? GREAT idea!

YOU NEED SOME REST.
P-E-R-I-O-D.

ONCE you get some of that maybe you could look into other things. Cover the basics. BASICS.
Sure, some moms function on little sleep.
I turn into a ranging lunatic.
If I had any mental health, it goes down the toilet.

Around here, you can hire a babysitter for about $6. Ask around and find someone who would be willing to play with your baby while you take a nap.

I am so sorry.
That just plain stinks.


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## lil_earthmomma (Dec 29, 2006)

First of all







s

Secondly, I know how you feel. I have problems with depression and anxiety, and have experienced (am still experiencing) insomnia due to freaking out about the next nurse-a-thon.

I have not tried to night wean a 6 month old, but think that it would be impossible for my boob addicted boys (24 mo and 5 mo) and passionately hate mothers with babies that sttn.









I can't sleep when they sleep during the day, but you can. Do this. Cuddle and tell your brain, this two hours is going to be a rest for me.

I would kind of tell myself this at night two. I would lay down and say, I feel better after a nap, I will feel better after this two hour nap. (Don't know if that makes any sense.)

Dh lets me sleep in on weekends and his days off, and it feels great to get a couple of hours alone in the bed.

Talk to a medical profesional. You are right. Your baby needs her mama alive more than she needs your milk. She needs her mama mentally whole more than she needs your milk too I believe. (NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD STOP BREASTFEEDING)

Exaustion is something that comes with the territory I'm told. I feel brain dead most days, and totally unmotivated to do anything other than survive and feed feed feed my two boys. Sometimes it's so hard.

It will get better. Your lo will find some pattern (though it will change on an ongoing basis)

Maybe you could try a white noise machine? My oldest sleeps better with a white noise machine on.

I don't have any other suggestions other than, if you are really in trouble, do you have someone that can give you a break? Family member, (oh wait I think I remember that you are far away and not close with family?) maybe a mother's helper?

Dh needs to help you. Work be damned, if you need more support he should be the first to give it. Tell him how desperate you are feeling.

I'm sorry life is so rough right now, I will keep trying to think of more constructive solutions for you. Feel free to pm me.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

Can you see an ND or a TCM? I went to an ND when my son was a baby, and she helped me by doing accupuncture, presciribing homeopathic remedies, and telling me I had to have 30 minutes alone every day. Getting the 30 minutes was the hardest but was the most important IMo








I hope it helps to have dh help with night feeds.


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## dmarina (Jul 6, 2008)

i'm a single mom, with similar issues. i cried for an hour because i just couldn't bear the thought of another night with no sleep & no one to help me. three nights ago, i was reviewing night nursing in dr. sears book because i was feeling absolutely guilty about wanting sleep. (the book did NOT say that nightweaning a 6month old is dangerous/bad/etc.) so, i tried just cuddling him and rocking DS when he started to wake. so far, he's sleeping better...more importantly I am sleeping better. i nurse at midnight & 6 a.m, so i don't feel like i'm cutting him off completely. he cluster feeds in the morning and evening & that's fine with me!
like the PP said, it's most important for baby to have a happy, healthy mama!


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

I feel so much better since DH took over parenting at night. I expected to wake up engorged after the first night, but I had no discomfort. Apparently, she was not even eating much during the night... just waking me up a lot.

Thank you to all the mamas here who were supportive and sympathetic to me.

After 3 nights of uninterrupted sleep I am a brand new mama. I finally don't feel resentment towards my baby, for the first time in a long time. Now I just want to snuggle her all day and shower her with kisses and raspberries and tickles and giggles. I finally feel like I can say, "I'm a good mother.


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## BetsyS (Nov 8, 2004)

Yay! I'm glad you found a solution.

FWIW, my first son liked to get up at night as well. I partially night-weaned him at 9 months old (10pm-5am). It was the best thing I'd ever done.

My second son is 7 months old. He gets up a few times a night, but this time, it's just different, and it's not so bad. So, he gets to continue as is for now.

(()) to you.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Might I also add that if your energy is totally relaxed and rested, she is going to sense that and be more relaxed and at ease, making for less stress for you and her. I found that out with DS1, and tried real hard to be as calm as possible whnever my kids are in distress. It helps calm them, and especially at night, would help them get back to sleep. Now i just have to help my DH figure this out.....lol.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pbjmama* 
Have you considered (or maybe you are already on) medication for your depression/anxiety?

i haven't read all the replies, but i really like pbjmama's angle.

my first thought, too, was some kind of PPD. if you're exhausted but don't want to go to bed at 8, and are all nervous about what the night ahead brings, and dreading it...then that sounds just like i was after DD was born. and it was PPD/PTSD. so something to consider...

Quote:

I think in this instance it would be acceptable to take a few nights to go to bed early and catch up on sleep. Maybe do it on a Thursday and Friday so you and your dh and make up the time on the weekend?A warm bath and a few sips of wine maybe?

Do you have some other family member or friend that could come and take care of baby for a morning or two so you can sleep in?
yes, if you have help and/or go to bed early, CAN you rest? my whole issue was i couldn't sleep. if you CAN, then just go to bed at 8! you don't have to do it every night. just do it when you need to catch up on sleep.


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I'm really not getting a lot of sleep. I would never be able to go to bed that early. I have insomnia (depression/anxiety). I am on antidepressants. I gather, though, it is not working as it should.

I have had blood work done recently. No thyroid or iron issues.

"For the time being her need for breastmilk, and breastfeeding outweighs your want for a schedule."

I disagree. I don't think you understand the severity of my depression. She needs a mother. A healthy mother. She needs me. She needs ME a lot more than she needs my milk. If I try to kill myself again she might not have me OR my milk.

yeah, mama. sorry, i figured this before i posted my reply but just read this and realized...nightweaning isn't the answer. your DD is okay. you don't need to work on her, work on you. one you get YOUR sleep and mood sorted out, it won't matter nearly as much when she has a bad night; you'll have coping skills. that's fair to her and good for you. trust me on this--i could have written your post at one point. once i got the help i needed, i didn't feel this way anymore.

what meds are you on, can i ask? are you taking anything at night before bed to help with anxiety and sleep? like ativan?


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Louise** 
I think she was looking for advice on how to nightwean, not looking for MDCs absolution of her sins.

To the OP i would try moving bedtime 30 minutes or even 15 minutes at time so you can all go to bed together.

I know babies that were STTN by 6 months.

but she doesn't need to nightwean. she needs not to be suicidal. her baby is acting like a normal baby. she just needs to be able to cope with it, and right now, she can't.

ETA: OP, so glad getting some sleep helped you so much. i'd still see a therapist and try to work on meds/talk therapy/etc. for that anxiety. your LO might go through rough patches of sleep again, and other problems will arise in life, and having all your coping skills would help you immensely!


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## EBeth0000 (Aug 19, 2007)

To the OP: So sorry you are struggling right now.

This suggestion is not going to help by itself if you are having other serious insomnia and mental health issues. That being said, I have noticed a great improvement in my mood (I was "cycling" pretty bad, but not nearly into PPD territory yet) and also fatigue when I started taking a Vitamin D supplement.

I never had my levels tested, I thought I was fine, I spend time outdoors but honestly, it's pretty cold and cloudy here and I'm usually covered up, I have a family history of skin cancer so I always have spf 15 on in my moisturizer, and I've been pregnant or nursing for 3 years solid so I'm sure my levels were depleted. The way I feel after regularly taking it for 3 weeks is like night and day. maybe in addition to addressing some of your mental health needs with a health care professional you can look at Vitamin D levels, everything else has been the same with me (in fact my baby is waking more at night now than 3 weeks ago) but my mood and energy are MUCH better, so perhaps that could help, or help someone else reading this because they are having a similar problem.

Big hug from me.


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