# Child Unfriendly experience today-Vent



## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

Grrrrr!!!! The receptionist/assistant at my chiropractor's office was so unfriendly with my kids today. Their office is inside a gym that has child care and I have the option to use that, however ds did not want to go there, he feels uncomfortable not knowing anyone there. I don't want to push him, he has to start Kindergarten in 2 wks. and is feeling similarly uncomfortable about that. Dd will follow ds's lead so if I tried to put her in the childcare, even though she says she wants to go, she would end up having a fit if ds didn't stay there with her. And the baby is just too young IMO to leave there.

So we proceed into the chiro's waiting room and the recept. immediately says, "Oh, aren't you going to put them in the child care?" I explain briefly, that no, they don't want to go. I've kept them with me in the office before. Usually there are toys in the waiting room but today these are gone. There is an exam room that has lots of toys but there is another dr. in there with a patient so we can't go in there. I give them some very unmessy snacks to eat and they are pretty good for the most part.

They start playing with the stool trying to get it lower to climb on it when we go to the exam room to wait for the dr. The recept. is clearly annoyed by this and comes in and tells them not to play on it. There is nowhere else for them to sit. She threatens to take it away if they fight or play with it, but helps them lower it.

They to start to squabble over this and that, minor stuff. The baby hits his head on the side of the stroller and cries. I am telling the older two to please stop and trying to comfort the baby. She comes back in because at this point I have the electric stim things attached to my neck and back, which give me some movement around the exam table but she has a problem with this and tells me to sit down.

When I'm done with that, I finally go out into the waiting room and find crayons and coloring books for the kids and bring them in and get them busy with that. Gee, what if she would've offered me those?

They are getting bored after a few minutes and start to play with stuff they shouldn't, bicker a bit. I am getting frustrated with them but what can I do? The dr. is doing the adjustment, we're almost done. We go to leave and the recept. says, "Child care next time?" I tell her, "We'll see."

I wish they would stay in the child care but I'm not going to force them. This woman has been there before when I'm there and is always very sweet with the baby. Previously she was fine with the older two. Maybe she was having a bad day. Who knows. I am just so frustrated with her attitude.
This is a very family oriented office, a husb. and wife team and the wife specializes in pregnant women and children, for goodness sakes.

The recept. is a mom herself, we've chatted before. While I was there, another lady came in with a toddler who was crying. No one said anything to her about it.

I like the dr. and this is the 3rd chiro I've had since we've lived here as the other two have moved away so I am not changing dr.'s just because this woman is being unkind.

Not sure what I will do or say if this happens again but I won't let it happen again without addressing it with her. Any suggestions on what to say would be appreciated. Mostly I just needed to vent as it has been on my mind all day. Thanks.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

WOW! That is horrible mama! Sounds like your kids are being, well, kids. Why is she coming back into the exam room if she is just the receptionist in the first place? Isn't her job to answer phones, etc. It is your decision whether or not they go into childcare, not hers







: And the snarky comment about "Childcare next time?" I would have said "No, another chiro. next time!" (if you could find another one, that is) Maybe she was having a bad day, but she needs to be professional enough to not take it out on patients or their children.







:


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## ChristyMarie (May 31, 2006)

I guess I cannot imagine bringing kids with me when I'm going to be unable to care for them - like when you are having a treatment, especially the electric stim. I also think you could have brought the coloring books or other quiet toys instead of expecting the office to provide them or for the kids to sit quietly that long.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Maybe she HAD to bring them...that happened to me a couple times. I also brought snacks and toys, but with a new environment, kids are wanting to explore. I agree, toys help, but the receptionist did not have to be so rude. That is not helping the situation, it is just making it worse.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

One of my doctors has a posted sign saying something (in a polite way) about arranging childcare during appointments. I actually don't think that's an unreasonable request.







I always have someone watch my kids when I go to the doctor, dentist, etc., mostly because it'd be to stressful for me to feel responsible for keeping them calm/happy while also trying to tend to my own needs and listen to the doctor.


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## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

Christy Marie, I actually had brought little cars for them to play with, which usually works for them but not today. Also in the past when I brought them there they were allowed to go into the other room where the toys are but that was not an option today, which I understand. That is the first time that has happened to me, though.
And I usually only go to the chiro on Friday's when dh works from home and then I can leave at least the older two with him but my neck is really hurting and it is affecting my ability to pick up the baby so I wanted to get it taken care of. Yes, it is stressful for me to bring them and I prefer not to but couldn't avoid it today. I'm not saying this was an ideal situation and I don't expect the people who work there to help me with my kids, just please don't work against me!


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

I don't know, to me I could see how the recep. thought you were being intentionally difficult. They provide childcare, what more could you want. The appointment is not that long, they would probably be fine in the childcare, whether it is ideal for them or not, it wasn't ideal for the office to have them there either.
I can see both sides.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I don't care what the receptionist thought - she was being rude!


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

The receptionist was a bit rude but I would never expect a doctor's office to work around my three bored kids while I got medical treatment. I think you should have rescheduled until you had a better childcare plan.


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## east carolina (Apr 5, 2006)

ITA with Jennifer 3141.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer3141* 
The receptionist was a bit rude but I would never expect a doctor's office to work around my three bored kids while I got medical treatment. I think you should have rescheduled until you had a better childcare plan.

I agree and honestly I would have probably been irritated to. If the provided child care is not good enough I would have made other arangements. they have a job to do and kids that you cannot care for who are bored and bickering would push me over the edge. If she could hear it outside other clients likely would have. and honestly if my chiropractors office was not a calm sort of place I would find a different Dr. maybe this is what she was scared of. If your kids really won't go into childcare and won't stay with a sitter maybe next time you could find someone to tag along and watch them in the waiting room or take them out for a stroll or something.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

The receptionist was pretty rude. I think you were doing the best you could considering the circumstances. Just ignore her next time if she cops a tude and come prepared for there not to be any toys anymore.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Keep in mind that the receptionist may have had complaints from patients about children being in the office (not specifically your children, just in general.)

I can really see both sides. I know how it is to be in pain with no childcare. On the other hand, I know how it is to be in pain, paying for childcare and having to deal with other people's children making the waiting area/office overall a less than relaxing place.

Or perhaps it was just a bad day all the way around. It's hard to know.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

hmmm is this the first time you have been there with all your kids?

this is my philosophy which i have noticed works most times. i explain. so when she asked you about childcare i would have explained. about why your kids cant be in cc. its amazing how a little explanation goes a long way.

so next time you go explain all the whys.

however i would try not to let there be a next time. if it does happen i would explain.

so i would not complain. if you want to pick up this issue i would let her know exactly what was going on and see what she says.

perhaps she was having a hard day too.

if it was me i would not say anything. i would if it happened again.


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## paxye (Mar 31, 2005)

It is really hard when you don't have childcare...

I don't have anyone around to watch my kids when I have an appointment unless DH is home (which doesn't coincide with many office hours) so I know what it is like having to bring the kids everywhere with me...

I hope she was just having an off day and things will go smoother next time...


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
Not sure what I will do or say if this happens again but I won't let it happen again without addressing it with her. .

Ok, she was rude. But, happen again? If I had that experience with my dc, I wouldn't bring them along with me again simply because they didn't handle it well this time. Fair enough that you brought them this time; you had reason to believe it would go ok. But it didn't, so now you know you need to have childcare of some kind when you go to the chiro (believe me--I've btdt recently with my 2 yo at the dentist. I'm sure as heck not taking him with me again, lol!)


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## moxygirl (Jun 23, 2009)

Warning: rant ahead.

I'm pregnant with my first so I don't know if my opinion will be accepted here, but honestly I don't understand why people are saying the OP needs to arrange childcare in order to go to an appointment. Isn't this an AP-friendly site??

When my baby is here, _I_ will be the primary childcare provider for him/her. I will not be leaving my child with strangers, ever (trusted friends are another matter). He/she is MY CHILD and I am solely responsible for his/her well being when my husband is not available. If the OP's husband wasn't available to care for their children then she not only has the right but the responsibility, IMO, to care for her children, which includes NOT putting them in childcare with strangers if they were uncomfortable with it. (Edited to add: if both the children and the parents are comfortable leaving the children with a trusted childcare provider, I don't think there's anything non-AP about that.) Why should she be expected to stick her children in childcare just because it was provided?

I honestly think this reflects an opinion common in our society today (one I didn't expect to find on this site) that children are somehow nuisances that need to be shuffled off and hidden if they're not behaving like perfect little adults. I mean it's not like the OP's kids were breaking the equipment or pestering the other clients.

Just my $0.02, but I cannot "see both sides".

Rant over.


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## widemouthedfrog (Mar 9, 2006)

moxygirl, I bring my daughter almost everywhere - work, bloodwork, volunteer meetings, international trips, small business bank appointments. I actually bring her to the chiro, but that's because he's quite kid-friendly. However, I do find it very, very, stressful to bring her to my many doctor's appointments (I have a couple of health conditions). Namely because my doctor can be up to 2 hours late, and dd almost always catches a cold / flu from the office toys, and then she gets seriously annoyed when I am talking with the doctor. And then I'm out of commission doing the tests and I can't attend to her needs all of the time. And if the doctors are not child-friendly, this makes it even more stressful (though most of mine are).

So after some time trying to bring her, my daughter and I have now decided together (she's now 4) that it would be a lot more fun if we didn't have to go to the doctor together - unless it's for her. Yes, a baby can't choose, but as they get older I don't see that there's a problem finding a good, fun child care provider and doing those appointments on your own.

All this done in the spirit of love and understanding and communication with my daughter, which I believe makes it a good AP solution.









OP, I'd check with the kids and see what they'd like to do. I have done the childcare-person-comes-to-the-office approach too. It it can be worthwhile if your back is in serious pain!


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moxygirl* 
Warning: rant ahead.

I'm pregnant with my first so I don't know if my opinion will be accepted here, but honestly I don't understand why people are saying the OP needs to arrange childcare in order to go to an appointment. Isn't this an AP-friendly site??

When my baby is here, _I_ will be the primary childcare provider for him/her. I will not be leaving my child with strangers, ever (trusted friends are another matter). He/she is MY CHILD and I am solely responsible for his/her well being when my husband is not available. If the OP's husband wasn't available to care for their children then she not only has the right but the responsibility, IMO, to care for her children, which includes NOT putting them in childcare with strangers if they were uncomfortable with it. (Edited to add: if both the children and the parents are comfortable leaving the children with a trusted childcare provider, I don't think there's anything non-AP about that.) Why should she be expected to stick her children in childcare just because it was provided?

I honestly think this reflects an opinion common in our society today (one I didn't expect to find on this site) that children are somehow nuisances that need to be shuffled off and hidden if they're not behaving like perfect little adults. I mean it's not like the OP's kids were breaking the equipment or pestering the other clients.

Just my $0.02, but I cannot "see both sides".

Rant over.









As a SAHM with a husband who works long hours and doesn't have a job that he can just skip out on for a couple of hours very easily and who has very few other childcare options and whose kids are very sensitive and would likely not do well at all with some random stranger at some gym childcare and who feels I have the right to get medical care when I need it, I say right on sistah







.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

She might have been having a bad day.

Maybe next time, you should pack a really special bag for them to get into while you are busy. Keep things in it that they normally wouldn't have access to so it's special, and only for doctor's visits.

I think it's fine that you bring them, but you should plan to keep them entertained while they are there.

Not that I can think of any ideas on what you should pack in the bag... but, something really cool.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

FWIW, moxygirl, when I suggested arranging childcare I wasn't talking about the gym's childcare room, which the OP stated that her DS is uncomfortable with. I meant arranging childcare with a trusted friend or family member, which is what I do when I have appointments (and I know I'm lucky to have this option). My son doesn't like gym childcare rooms either, and I would never force him to go there knowing he doesn't like it.

And yes, I'm responsible for my kids, but I also still have a strong notion of consideration for others, and disrupting medical offices is something that I personally am not comfortable with unless there's truly no other option. Of course there are going to be times when other childcare arrangements just aren't possible, and hopefully office staff will be understanding of that, but it's also not cool to just go in with an attitude of "I have kids and they go wherever I go, so deal with it, no matter how they behave."


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moxygirl* 
Warning: rant ahead.

I'm pregnant with my first so I don't know if my opinion will be accepted here, but honestly I don't understand why people are saying the OP needs to arrange childcare in order to go to an appointment. Isn't this an AP-friendly site??

When my baby is here, _I_ will be the primary childcare provider for him/her. I will not be leaving my child with strangers, ever (trusted friends are another matter). He/she is MY CHILD and I am solely responsible for his/her well being when my husband is not available. If the OP's husband wasn't available to care for their children then she not only has the right but the responsibility, IMO, to care for her children, which includes NOT putting them in childcare with strangers if they were uncomfortable with it. (Edited to add: if both the children and the parents are comfortable leaving the children with a trusted childcare provider, I don't think there's anything non-AP about that.) Why should she be expected to stick her children in childcare just because it was provided?

I honestly think this reflects an opinion common in our society today (one I didn't expect to find on this site) that children are somehow nuisances that need to be shuffled off and hidden if they're not behaving like perfect little adults. I mean it's not like the OP's kids were breaking the equipment or pestering the other clients.

Just my $0.02, but I cannot "see both sides".

Rant over.










but you also have to consider what is best for the children. They clearly were not enjoying this. mom was not able to tend to them as needed. tending to them was interupting her treatment. and someone else did have to tep in and help with some thing which just wasn't her job. and a dr should be able to concentrate on the patient (weather the patient is the one with the children or in the next room). i can't even cook dinner with children in my kitchen (which is much bigger than a exam room) and I know I couldn't practice medicine with rowdy bored children under foot. also these were three very small children with no one to really meet their needs. Mom was busy. office staff was busy doing their job.

If you can't find someone to properly care for your children during certain things where you can't focus on them 100% reschedule your appointment. If you need to find someone who will work around your schedule. My midwife did appointments from noon to 9pm two nights a week. its one of the reasons I chose her. or find someone with a more kid friendly environment (although I doubt you will do any better than on sight childcare!!!), there really are options. and life is not always perfect. you can't always have everything you want. Sometimes you will need to choose between your needs and your childrens needs. if you need medical care bad enough you may have to use a child care facility or leave them with someone who isn't quite 100% up to your standards.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
but you also have to consider what is best for the children. They clearly were not enjoying this. mom was not able to tend to them as needed. tending to them was interupting her treatment. and someone else did have to tep in and help with some thing which just wasn't her job. and a dr should be able to concentrate on the patient (weather the patient is the one with the children or in the next room). i can't even cook dinner with children in my kitchen (which is much bigger than a exam room) and I know I couldn't practice medicine with rowdy bored children under foot. also these were three very small children with no one to really meet their needs. Mom was busy. office staff was busy doing their job.

If you can't find someone to properly care for your children during certain things where you can't focus on them 100% reschedule your appointment. If you need to find someone who will work around your schedule. My midwife did appointments from noon to 9pm two nights a week. its one of the reasons I chose her. or find someone with a more kid friendly environment (although I doubt you will do any better than on sight childcare!!!), there really are options. and life is not always perfect. you can't always have everything you want. Sometimes you will need to choose between your needs and your childrens needs. if you need medical care bad enough you may have to use a child care facility or leave them with someone who isn't quite 100% up to your standards.

I think these are some very good points! Well said.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moxygirl* 
I'm pregnant with my first so I don't know if my opinion will be accepted here, but honestly I don't understand why people are saying the OP needs to arrange childcare in order to go to an appointment. Isn't this an AP-friendly site??

AP friendly childcare!







:

The point is, in my experience, I can not be a patient and a caretaker at the same time. I can not meet my toddler's needs when I am in the dental chair being worked on. It is reality. So I need to find alternative care for him when I go to the dentist. (eta...I could when dd was a toddler, but she was a different kid and stayed quietly on my lap the whole time. Ds is an entirely different story!).

It sounds like, from what she's described, the op has a similar reality when it comes to her 3 kids at the chiro (it might be different with just the baby...or just the baby and the toddler.....speaking of which, if the oldest will be in K soon, and the toddler will happily go to the gym care when the oldest is not present, and the baby is easy at the chiro, then the problem will likely solve itself).


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## marisa724 (Oct 31, 2003)

I started typing a long post but it was everything lilyka already said.

I too have a pretty debilitating condition requiring frequent chiro visits, but I will. not. go. if I can't find someone to stay with my children. I will schedule while one is in preschool and my aunt can sit with the other. I will schedule when my mom is in town to spend time with both.

I actually went three months between visits this summer because I just couldn't figure out the scheduling. It's not that I wasn't in pain. I just wasn't in enough pain to make them sit through an office visit with me.

My five-year-old is old enough to sit still through an adjustment, 8-10 minutes of corrective stretching (me lying back with a weight on my head and a roll under my neck unable to move) and another 5-8 minutes of the "Vivatek" machine (which vibrates your spine, kinda cool). I let him watch a cartoon on my iPod if he ever comes along, which is great. My 16m old is another story and will just about sit through three minutes of a quick adjustment if there's no other option. The other stuff just has to wait until he's not there. My chiro has a lovely receptionist who adores the boys, but when she's there (limited hours, only in the afternoons) she's also responsible for all the billing, returning calls, etc. She volunteered once to entertain my toddler, but I would never count on that again.

It's not a matter of my children being inconvenient to me. It's a matter of the situation being inappropriate for them. In that way it's very AP to find another kind soul for them to hang with while I get a necessary appointment taken care of.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

I agree with what's already been said. It's not fair to my son to drag him along to my appointments and I do have several chronic conditions so these happen regularly. When he was younger and not walking, it was easier but now? Fuggedaboutit! He is also the type of child who cries if it's not mommy or daddy watching him so that makes things extra challenging.

As a patient, I also don't think I'd appreciate my appt. being disrupted by someone else's bored kids especially if I had to make arrangements for mine!

However, for the OP, yes the receptionist was rude and I do understand your situation, I too have bad back pain. I give you credit for even going ahead with your appt. because the thought of a chiro appt. with my son in the room just gets me anxious.


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## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

FWIW, I just wanted to say that I fully intended to leave my kids in the child care today but when we arrived, my son got upset and said he didn't want to go, so I went with that. I had no intention of bringing them all into the appointment with me (just the baby) but when I realized he didn't want to go to the child care, I grabbed a few toy cars and their snacks out of the car and in we went.

In hind sight, I probably could have/should have explained to the receptionist what happened and ask, "Would you prefer I reschedule?"

Also, the only other patients in there were my prenatal massage therapist who referred me to the practice to begin with and she was very glad to see me and all the kids and chatted with us before she left. Then it was my appt. time. Then the lady with the crying toddler came in towards the end of my appt. That's it. We weren't disturbing anyone else.

My only other childcare option is really my dh. We have no extended family nearby.

I have brought my kids to appts. at this office before when the child care center was not open and it was a completely positive experience, unlike today. As a rule, though, I do try to not take them to medical appts. as I know it is boring for them and I certainly do not want to be disruptive to other patients. This has just been such a child friendly place in my experience, so I was shocked that this happened today.


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## KweenKrunch (Jul 25, 2009)

My kids are well behaved, but I would not bring them to an appointment with me if I couldn't supervise them 100%


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## kriket (Nov 25, 2007)

I will have to agree that the nurse was rude, but... I would probably be annoyed that you kids were unhappy too. Especially when there is child care provided.

We're not talking about hours or days of 'some stranger' watching your kids. Its just long enough to get an adjustment. I'm sure the nurse would have stuck her head in the daycare and let you know when they were ready for you so you didn't have to leave them longer then necessary.

I may also be a little annoyed at the general overtone sometimes that if a mother leaves her children's side for even a second she fails AP.


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## burke-a-bee (Jan 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paxye* 
It is really hard when you don't have childcare...

I don't have anyone around to watch my kids when I have an appointment unless DH is home (which doesn't coincide with many office hours) so I know what it is like having to bring the kids everywhere with me...

I hope she was just having an off day and things will go smoother next time...

I totally agree with this...if my DH isn't home to watch the kids then they come with me....that's life. I don't have a sitter or friends to drop 4 kids off. So making arrangements to magically find a sitter is not an option.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

I don't see what the big deal is with OP bringing her kids. Really sounds like they were being fine. Not destructive or anything. I would have been livid to have been asked "childcare next time?". This is just embarrassing, not to mention she should have supplied the toys before.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

I'm surprised because our chiro is very child-friendly and even has a huge basket of toys that travels between the three or four offices at our chiropractor's and massage therapist's space. Each room has a door and there are doors on the cabinets, so there is really nothing for the children to get in trouble doing. Then again, I don't know what those stim things are, so perhaps our chiropractor is a different sort than yours.

I think you should bring the issue up directly with your chiropractor and see what she/he thinks. And get some sort of extra special treats or chiro visit only toys for the next time.







Of course, having someone watch your children for you next time ~might~ be less stressful during your visit, or it might not, only you can decide.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kriket* 
I may also be a little annoyed at the general overtone sometimes that if a mother leaves her children's side for even a second she fails AP.

I didn't see anyone suggest that. More that it is surprising on a site like this to find it suggested to just leave the kids in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. That is not what AP is about to me. Or the other option given was to just not get treated and deal with the pain until child care arrangements could be made. But IMO, that is taking mommy martyrdom to a whole new level. The thing is, moms need medical care. Moms are often the primary caretakers of the kids. Sometimes kids end up going with mom to appointments. It's just life. I think the receptionist should find a new line of work if she can't deal with that.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
More that it is surprising on a site like this to find it suggested to just leave the kids in the childcare center whether they liked it or not.


I didn't see anyone suggesting that either. but rather when plan A fails to have a back up plan or reschedule.

no need to be a martyr. but there really are other options than bringing all your small children to a Dr. appointment or somewhere else where you will not be able to attend to them. if you really do not have any friends or family willing/capable of watching your children for an hour or two then you need to hire someone, train them and pay them. Or you need to find business with alternative schedules so that you can work thing out with your husband.

Sometimes children just have to fuss for a little while so mama can get what she needs to be able to be a mother. treatment for pain etc can change who you are! kids fussing for a few minutes in the armns of a childcare provider who cares about them will not effect them nearly as much as being stuck with a crabby in pain mom for days on end. why not have someone come with you which would really menomize your time away from them.


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

I'm in the "don't bring small children to appointments unless there is absolutely no other choice whatsoever" camp.

I'm sorry the receptionist was rude, and I realize you had planned to drop off the older two in childcare, and it just didn't work out. I would probably have been going over the plan with the older kids starting the day before to make sure there would not be a problem. Really, the chiro's office provides free care-- I think the message they are sending is that, if at all possible, kids don't *need* to be in the office.

And I honestly don't understand how people take their small children to appointments when they can't really supervise them. Like the dentist-- how are you supposed to make sure your child is ok while you are flat on your back with equipment in your mouth? Or at the gyn with your legs in stirrups?

It's not that children should always act like perfect adults, otherwise they need to be shuffled off to some hiding place, but that some places are BY DEFINITION kid-unfriendly, and that's ok. I only have my DH to rely on for childcare, so I only go to appointments when he's available to watch our son. But I strongly disagree with the notion that my children should automatically be welcome wherever I am.


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## Swan3 (Aug 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laohaire* 
I don't care what the receptionist thought - she was being rude!

ITA with this!

I don't see that it was the receptionist's place to mention this anyway. If the chiro mentioned that this interfered with the appt, I'd understand...and maybe try to find a new one.

As Moms sometimes taking care of ourselves is already difficult, people like this receptionist make it moreso.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
I didn't see anyone suggesting that either.

I was paraphrasing but I think the part below does suggest just that.

Quote:

They provide childcare, what more could you want. The appointment is not that long, they would probably be fine in the childcare, whether it is ideal for them or not, it wasn't ideal for the office to have them there either.
I think the OP knows her kids best and knows whether they would have been fine or not. Apparently she thought they wouldn't. And its not because it wasn't good enough for them like some have suggested since she says she had left them there before.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
no need to be a martyr. but there really are other options than bringing all your small children to a Dr. appointment or somewhere else where you will not be able to attend to them. if you really do not have any friends or family willing/capable of watching your children for an hour or two then you need to hire someone, train them and pay them. Or you need to find business with alternative schedules so that you can work thing out with your husband.

Thanks for the tips, but things are working out just fine here the way they are







. My doctor and midwife and I suspect even my dentist (although I would ask first) are cool with the fact that sometimes things fall through and my kids might tag along. Actually my midwife encourages it. She loves my daughter. She always involved her in the prenatal visits and even trained her to use the doppler.

Also, I had to have a very unexpected surgery with less than 24 hours notice almost 2 years ago. We didn't have anyone who could watch my daughter on such short notice, so we had to bring her. The staff was awesome and went above and beyond the call of duty with one nurse volunteering to watch her while so my husband to speak with the doctor for a couple minutes and give his full attention. It was certainly less than ideal, but sometimes you have to make the best with what you've got. I was so glad everyone was understanding and didn't give me any attitude during what was already a very difficult time. Luckily, my circle of SAHP friends in the neighborhood has grown since then, and I'd might be able to make arrangements for the kids if something like that were to happen today.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
Sometimes children just have to fuss for a little while so mama can get what she needs to be able to be a mother. treatment for pain etc can change who you are! kids fussing for a few minutes in the armns of a childcare provider who cares about them will not effect them nearly as much as being stuck with a crabby in pain mom for days on end. why not have someone come with you which would really menomize your time away from them.

Who? Are you volunteering







? You are acting like this is always some kind of lifestyle choice. Sometimes, like the case in the OP, it's just bad circumstances. I know there is this sort of anti-...hmmm...how to describe...anti-AP/NFLestablishment







kind of thing going on on MDC where people feel the need to be the counterbalance, but sometimes it goes too far IMO and people fail to actually see the reality of the situation at hand because they are too caught up in correcting some kind of composite mom they thing everyone here is.


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## purplepaperclip (May 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
I was paraphrasing but I think the part below does suggest just that.

I think the OP knows her kids best and knows whether they would have been fine or not. Apparently she thought they wouldn't. And its not because it wasn't good enough for them like some have suggested since she says she had left them there before.

Thanks for the tips, but things are working out just fine here the way they are







. My doctor and midwife and I suspect even my dentist (although I would ask first) are cool with the fact that sometimes things fall through and my kids might tag along. Actually my midwife encourages it. She loves my daughter. She always involved her in the prenatal visits and even trained her to use the doppler.

Also, I had to have a very unexpected surgery with less than 24 hours notice almost 2 years ago. We didn't have anyone who could watch my daughter on such short notice, so we had to bring her. The staff was awesome and went above and beyond the call of duty with one nurse volunteering to watch her while so my husband to speak with the doctor for a couple minutes and give his full attention. It was certainly less than ideal, but sometimes you have to make the best with what you've got. I was so glad everyone was understanding and didn't give me any attitude during what was already a very difficult time. Luckily, my circle of SAHP friends in the neighborhood has grown since then, and I'd might be able to make arrangements for the kids if something like that were to happen today.

Who? Are you volunteering







? You are acting like this is always some kind of lifestyle choice. Sometimes, like the case in the OP, it's just bad circumstances. *I know there is this sort of anti-...hmmm...how to describe...anti-AP/NFLestablishment







kind of thing going on on MDC where people feel the need to be the counterbalance*, but sometimes it goes too far IMO and people fail to actually see the reality of the situation at hand because they are too caught up in correcting some kind of composite mom they thing everyone here is.

I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit on the bolded. I'm curious as to what exactly you mean.


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## riverscout (Dec 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *suebee79* 
I was wondering if you could elaborate a little bit on the bolded. I'm curious as to what exactly you mean.

I would but it would be way OT and I think I've already said too much so I'm going to leave it at that.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
I didn't see anyone suggest that. More that it is surprising on a site like this to find it suggested to just leave the kids in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. That is not what AP is about to me. Or the other option given was to just not get treated and deal with the pain until child care arrangements could be made. But IMO, that is taking mommy martyrdom to a whole new level. The thing is, moms need medical care. Moms are often the primary caretakers of the kids. Sometimes kids end up going with mom to appointments. It's just life. I think the receptionist should find a new line of work if she can't deal with that.

To me AP is about meeting the needs of every family member, not just the kids. In the OPs situtation, yes, my kids would have been in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. My NEED for medical care overrides their WANT not to spend 1/2 hour in childcare. I think the stress of 3 misbehaving children in the room during treatment would probably negate any benefits from the chiropractic treatment for me.

Fortunately for me, my kids have never minded being "stuck"







in childcare. They've always been aware that there are times when other's needs come first.


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
To me AP is about meeting the needs of every family member, not just the kids. In the OPs situtation, yes, my kids would have been in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. My NEED for medical care overrides their WANT not to spend 1/2 hour in childcare. I think the stress of 3 misbehaving children in the room during treatment would probably negate any benefits from the chiropractic treatment for me.

Fortunately for me, my kids have never minded being "stuck"







in childcare. They've always been aware that there are times when other's needs come first.

Um, yes, isn't one of the 7 AP guidelines "Balance"?

My needs are important too, I deserve some time off without my (lovely, darling, fabulous, well-behaved) son to take care of personal issues in places where his presence would be distracting and/or dangerous. To me these include: doctor's appointments, dentists, other health-related care, and even "fun" stuff like haircuts and eyebrow waxing.

And I really resent the implication that I'm anti-NFL or not AP because I believe my kid should not always accompany me to planned-in-advance, scheduled health care appointments.

To the poster who had to take her daughter with her during emergency surgery-- that's different. An EMERGENCY, by definition, can't be planned in advance. A trip to the chiro? Barring a big surprise, you should be able to organize yourself so that all of your children don't have to tag along.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

This sounds like bad planning to me, really. I have a hard time getting someone to watch the kids when I have appointments, so I get how difficult it is, but they did have childcare for that purpose, and it isn't their job to accommodate you if you didn't find theirs suitable but also didn't plan for alternative childcare. There's a lot of expensive equipment in medical offices and they have to be careful, plus they have legal liability if someone gets hurt playing on something not intended for that purpose. They have a right to set boundaries within their office.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

It's really hard to perform a specialized skill with 3 children who are not sitting quietly, which we all know, most small children do not do.

I would have used the daycare or found some sort of care with someone the children knew beforehand. Maybe next time you can plan accordingly? If not, I would not go.

I am not sure though, why it is the business of the receptionist?

I know my mom is a hairdresser and when a mother brings a small child it stresses her out because she needs to concentrate on giving a good haircut and children do not generally allow that to happen. But a receptionist??? Why is she so annoyed? Maybe because the Dr's complain to her or something?


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMindedMomma* 
I am not sure though, why it is the business of the receptionist?

I know my mom is a hairdresser and when a mother brings a small child it stresses her out because she needs to concentrate on giving a good haircut and children do not generally allow that to happen. But a receptionist??? Why is she so annoyed? Maybe because the Dr's complain to her or something?

Probably the noise level was getting to her.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Probably the noise level was getting to her.

I can see that, especially if her job involved administrative or clerical tasks...


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## marisa724 (Oct 31, 2003)

Quote:

I know my mom is a hairdresser and when a mother brings a small child it stresses her out because she needs to concentrate on giving a good haircut and children do not generally allow that to happen. But a receptionist??? Why is she so annoyed? Maybe because the Dr's complain to her or something?
What I picture is something like I said in my earlier post. My chiropractor has a receptionist only in the afternoon hours, and during that time in addition to checking people in and doing simple things like setting up the machines, this woman is responsible for answering phones/returning calls, doing all the billing, calling (and sometimes fighting with) insurance companies. We had a nice chat the other day when I got there, but she barely looked up from sorting statements the whole time. I would think that feeling stressed by or partially responsible for small bored children would make it hard for her to concentrate on all the tasks she needs to accomplish in the few hours she's there.

(Of course, we all do it every day, but people without children aren't accustomed to the level of multitasking that might be possible!







)


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
Who? Are you volunteering







? You are acting like this is always some kind of lifestyle choice. Sometimes, like the case in the OP, it's just bad circumstances. I know there is this sort of anti-...hmmm...how to describe...anti-AP/NFLestablishment







kind of thing going on on MDC where people feel the need to be the counterbalance, but sometimes it goes too far IMO and people fail to actually see the reality of the situation at hand because they are too caught up in correcting some kind of composite mom they thing everyone here is.

Actually, the thing is that a quote like this needs addressing in the context of AP, I think.

Quote:

When my baby is here, _I_ will be the primary childcare provider for him/her. I will not be leaving my child with strangers, ever (trusted friends are another matter). He/she is MY CHILD and I am solely responsible for his/her well being when my husband is not available.
Well, can you TRULY be the "Primary Childcare Giver" when you're tethered with electrodes? Or feet up in a dental chair with a mouth full of clamps and dental dams? Or in a pitch black room with your eyes dilated for examination?

There are lots of times when you're not *really* going to be 100% available. And that is okay. It's reality. Its a reality that some AP hardliners seem to want to deny.


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jennifer3141* 
The receptionist was a bit rude but I would never expect a doctor's office to work around my three bored kids while I got medical treatment. I think you should have rescheduled until you had a better childcare plan.

I agree. Don't beat yourself up, however...stuff happens!


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## deny_zoo29 (Sep 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
To me AP is about meeting the needs of every family member, not just the kids. In the OPs situtation, yes, my kids would have been in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. My NEED for medical care overrides their WANT not to spend 1/2 hour in childcare. I think the stress of 3 misbehaving children in the room during treatment would probably negate any benefits from the chiropractic treatment for me.

Fortunately for me, my kids have never minded being "stuck"







in childcare. They've always been aware that there are times when other's needs come first.

I most definitely agree!!

There are a few toys and books for kids at my chiro's office too and usually it's not a big deal but if the kids are bickering and such then this makes it a less peaceful office for other clients. As well as for the mama who is trying to get her treatment done and is worried about corraling her kids. Personally I feel you have to be pretty relaxed at the chiro's office to have the treatments work properly. I feel you should have used the child care provided or had someone else with you who could have entertained them. I understand you didn't want to force them, but if you really needed the treatment at that time then the kids needed to be better occupied and the provided chilcare could have done just that. I don't think they would have been traumatized for being placed into child care, against their will, for a short while (less than 30 minutes most likely, if your treatments are similar to mine and DP's)--Just curious...What are you going to do with DS when he starts kindergarten? You said he is feeling the same way about that as he was about the chilcare place. Will you force him to go then?
Yes, the way the receptionist said it was rude and I wouldn't have appreciated that at all, but next time I wouldn't give her the oppurtunity to say anything rude, by not having your kids with you during treatment. The receptionist at my chiro is also the assistant (it's a small office). SO her job is checking people in, taking payments, making calls and helping the doc when he needs it too. So, while she could have found a better wya to say it. I wouldn't get too upset about it and find alternative care the next time.
Purely my opinions.


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## east carolina (Apr 5, 2006)

Jumping back into the thread to add that I don't even think the receptionist was being all that rude. She was snippy and cold for sure, but I don't think I'd get my panties all in a twist because some receptionist thought my kids should have been in the daycare when they clearly would have been better served there.

I don't assume that the receptionist at the doctor's office is going to jump for joy when kids start playing with the furniture and such.


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## babymommy2 (May 14, 2009)

Quote:

The receptionist was a bit rude but I would never expect a doctor's office to work around my three bored kids while I got medical treatment. I think you should have rescheduled until you had a better childcare plan.
I agree with this. It is different if you are having the kind of appointment where you can still watch your kids, and one that you cannot, like when recieving treatment. I know what it is like to not have childcare. I haven't had a pap smear in 4 years because there is no way I would bring my preschool children to that, and I don't want to have to ask my husband to take time off of work for an appointment. both of my children will be in school this fall and I have quite a few appointments of things that have long been neglected. There have been a couple of occasions in which it was unavoidable that we have had to go to the bank to sign paperwork and take the children, they got new toys and snacks that they wouldn't normally get.


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMindedMomma* 
It's really hard to perform a specialized skill with 3 children who are not sitting quietly, which we all know, most small children do not do.

I would have used the daycare or found some sort of care with someone the children knew beforehand. Maybe next time you can plan accordingly? If not, I would not go.

I am not sure though, why it is the business of the receptionist?

I know my mom is a hairdresser and when a mother brings a small child it stresses her out because she needs to concentrate on giving a good haircut and children do not generally allow that to happen. But a receptionist??? Why is she so annoyed? Maybe because the Dr's complain to her or something?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
Probably the noise level was getting to her.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMindedMomma* 
I can see that, especially if her job involved administrative or clerical tasks...

It's possible other clients complained to the receptionist.

I've been in a physiotherapist's clinic, where treatments take place in a large room and the individual beds are curtained off from each other. It was very difficult if women (dads never seemed to do it, lol) brought young children in - the woman would be strapped up to an electrical modality, unable to leave the bed, or the therapist would be treating them, and the kids would run over to other patients or start jumping up on empty plinths or onto equipment. It was endlessly fascinating to the kids, and no matter how many toys or books were available for the kids (the clinic had some, the moms would bring in their own too), there was no competition - the kids wanted to check out the clinic equipment.

Unfortunately, a clinic is not a playground. It isn't safe for the children, and it's rude to the other patients who want their treatment in peace and to the professionals who are trying to concentrate and provide care.


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## KirstenMary (Jun 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
And yes, I'm responsible for my kids, but I also still have a strong notion of consideration for others, and disrupting medical offices is something that I personally am not comfortable with unless there's truly no other option. Of course there are going to be times when other childcare arrangements just aren't possible, and hopefully office staff will be understanding of that, but *it's also not cool to just go in with an attitude of "I have kids and they go wherever I go, so deal with it, no matter how they behave*."

I agree with this completely. I don't think, though, that the OP had this attitude. I didn't get that from reading her posts anyway.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
I didn't see anyone suggest that. More that it is surprising on a site like this to find it suggested to just leave the kids in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. That is not what AP is about to me. Or the other option given was to just not get treated and deal with the pain until child care arrangements could be made. But IMO, that is taking mommy martyrdom to a whole new level. The thing is, moms need medical care. Moms are often the primary caretakers of the kids. Sometimes kids end up going with mom to appointments. *It's just life. I think the receptionist should find a new line of work if she can't deal with that*.

Huh. I think that's a little harsh. The kids were acting up in what should be a quiet, reserved area. It was not a play area - clearly, there was another location for play which the OP chose not to use. Yes, the receptionist was rude, but to suggest she find a new line of work because she made a comment to a mom receiving treatment who was unable to focus on the treatment...well, that's a bit strong.

And even if leaving the kids in the care area wasn't AP? So _what_? The members here are not all or nothing.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
Actually, the thing is that a quote like this needs addressing in the context of AP, I think.

Well, can you TRULY be the "Primary Childcare Giver" when you're tethered with electrodes? Or feet up in a dental chair with a mouth full of clamps and dental dams? Or in a pitch black room with your eyes dilated for examination?

There are lots of times when you're not *really* going to be 100% available. And that is okay. It's reality. Its a reality that some AP hardliners seem to want to deny.

Yes. Exactly.


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## ~LadyBug~ (Aug 14, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
FWIW, I just wanted to say that I fully intended to leave my kids in the child care today but when we arrived, my son got upset and said he didn't want to go, so I went with that.

My only other childcare option is really my dh. We have no extended family nearby.

This has just been such a child friendly place in my experience, so I was shocked that this happened today.

I can totally relate to this, I honestly can. I have two and three year old and I have never had them in childcare and luckily I have a MIL who retired military and can often take them, even on a moment's notice. However, they were on vacation last month and THREE of my brackets on my braces broke so I HAD to go into the orthodontist's office to have them fixed and told them I was bringing my girls and they knew their ages. My girls have NEVER been to a doc's appt. with me and they were both frightened to death that the doc was "hurting" mommy so they both began to cry. Luckily an assistant came in and gave them some books and toys (I brought toys but to no avail!) and I apologized profusely to them but they said no problem.

I also have a soft spot in my heart when my child says they don't me to leave them, so I don't, it is just what I do, but I TRY TRY TRY to go to my appts. alone.


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
As a SAHM with a husband who works long hours and doesn't have a job that he can just skip out on for a couple of hours very easily and who has very few other childcare options and whose kids are very sensitive and would likely not do well at all with some random stranger at some gym childcare and who feels I have the right to get medical care when I need it, I say right on sistah







.


ABSOLUTELY; I have herniated disks and if they twinge, I can't wait for any one or anything. I AHVE to take my children. I have never used childcare provided for me by the office I visit. Nor will I in future. I'm not comfortable with it, why should I expect my children to be?
I have recently hired a Nanny for 3 hours a week so if it coincided with that then great, but even then sometimes you've got to wait and there's traffic etc...

I think that the receptionist had no place saying that. It's the Dr's decision to say what they think needs to be said. and frankly my doctor always LOVES to see my children, goes to get toys and reads t them when I'm in the treatment room and getting dressed undressed or whatever! I feel bed, but she insists that I should always bring them as they're part of the family (and I would feel weird without them)

when there's something not quite right with you, the world stops till it is again, and I'm sick of people trying their best to make me feel badly about my AP ways.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marylizah* 
I'm in the "don't bring small children to appointments unless there is absolutely no other choice whatsoever" camp.

I'm sorry the receptionist was rude, and I realize you had planned to drop off the older two in childcare, and it just didn't work out. I would probably have been going over the plan with the older kids starting the day before to make sure there would not be a problem. Really, the chiro's office provides free care-- I think the message they are sending is that, if at all possible, kids don't *need* to be in the office.

And I honestly don't understand how people take their small children to appointments when they can't really supervise them. Like the dentist-- how are you supposed to make sure your child is ok while you are flat on your back with equipment in your mouth? Or at the gyn with your legs in stirrups?

It's not that children should always act like perfect adults, otherwise they need to be shuffled off to some hiding place, but that some places are BY DEFINITION kid-unfriendly, and that's ok. I only have my DH to rely on for childcare, so I only go to appointments when he's available to watch our son. But I strongly disagree with the notion that my children should automatically be welcome wherever I am.


I completely agree! I also only have DH to rely on for childcare. I've had to schedule doctors appointments well in advance when he has a day off so it doesn't interfere with his work schedule. His old company had half days the day before a holiday so it worked out great. Now that he has a new job it will make it more difficult but we'll figure it out in a way that doesn't involve me taking DD with me.


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## mummyofan (Jun 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
AP friendly childcare!







:

The point is, in my experience, I can not be a patient and a caretaker at the same time. I can not meet my toddler's needs when I am in the dental chair being worked on. It is reality. So I need to find alternative care for him when I go to the dentist. (eta...I could when dd was a toddler, but she was a different kid and stayed quietly on my lap the whole time. Ds is an entirely different story!).

It sounds like, from what she's described, the op has a similar reality when it comes to her 3 kids at the chiro (it might be different with just the baby...or just the baby and the toddler.....speaking of which, if the oldest will be in K soon, and the toddler will happily go to the gym care when the oldest is not present, and the baby is easy at the chiro, then the problem will likely solve itself).

I also concede that not having childcare isn't the best option, but I have few medical needs and the few that I have get taken care of in a very friendly office as i said.
Plenty of great points either way IMO


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~LadyBug~* 
I can totally relate to this, I honestly can. I have two and three year old and I have never had them in childcare and luckily I have a MIL who retired military and can often take them, even on a moment's notice. However, they were on vacation last month and THREE of my brackets on my braces broke so I HAD to go into the orthodontist's office to have them fixed and told them I was bringing my girls and they knew their ages. My girls have NEVER been to a doc's appt. with me and they were both frightened to death that the doc was "hurting" mommy so they both began to cry. Luckily an assistant came in and gave them some books and toys (I brought toys but to no avail!) and I apologized profusely to them but they said no problem.

I also have a soft spot in my heart when my child says they don't me to leave them, so I don't, it is just what I do, but I TRY TRY TRY to go to my appts. alone.

I think the important thing is that you called ahead. and the OP too said she should have asked their opinion on weather they would prefer her to reschedule or not. A little goes a long a way. live and learn....

and there are offices that welcome children to come with parents into appointments. my midwife doesn't care. her staff will entertain the kids if we need a moment alone. whatever. again that is one of the reasons I chose her (she is practically perfect in every way, I won't lie). So if you really prefer to bring your children find someone who is down with that. but don't automatically expect your children to be welcomed when you can't properly care for them. make sure your kids actually have what they need and sometimes being in the proximity of mom is simply not enough. but first and formost just ask.. let it be know what your needs are when you are hiring someone to preform a service and see who is willing to accomodate. if something comes up ask them 'what do you think, how should we handle this today"


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## sisteeesmama (Oct 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *riverscout* 
Moms are often the primary caretakers of the kids. Sometimes kids end up going with mom to appointments. It's just life. I think the receptionist should find a new line of work if she can't deal with that.


I totally do not agree. It's just rude to bring your kids and expect everyone else to work around them. People want to get their job done, not have kids underfoot fiddling with things. AP is not about teaching your kid to inconvenience others for their own preferences, or atleast I hope not.
It is totally different if they were not providing any care for children, but they were, I would be so annoyed as an office employee and would think it was pretentious that you didn't think the childcare was good enough for your kids....the whole thing would tick me off. But I would not say anything to you, either, that is rude, too!


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sisteeesmama* 
I totally do not agree. It's just rude to bring your kids and expect everyone else to work around them. People want to get their job done, not have kids underfoot fiddling with things. AP is not about teaching your kid to inconvenience others for their own preferences, or atleast I hope not.
It is totally different if they were not providing any care for children, but they were, I would be so annoyed as an office employee and would think it was pretentious that *you didn't think the childcare was good enough for your kids.*...the whole thing would tick me off. But I would not say anything to you, either, that is rude, too!

Hmmm...I don't think the OP felt like the childcare was "too good" for her kids. I'm pretty sure it was an issue with her child feeling comfortable there. Completely understandable. I don't force my 3 yr old ds into uncomfortable situations unless absolutely necessary, and I do not consider a chiropractic appt. to be necessary (or most other medical appt.'s/banking appt.'s etc).


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *marisa724* 
It's not a matter of my children being inconvenient to me. It's a matter of the situation being inappropriate for them. In that way it's very AP to find another kind soul for them to hang with while I get a necessary appointment taken care of.

Not to mention that a doctor's office can be dangerous to insufficiently supervised children. I know my old Chiro's office was full of stuff I would NOT want my kids playing with (two active preschoolers + acupuncture needles = the ER).


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## 1growingsprout (Nov 14, 2005)

As a customer/patient/client I find it difficult to have a conversation with a doctor when other children are running arournd, crying, unhappy or extremely happy in an office. Really If I can find childcare for my kids anyone can find care. The appointment is for YOU. The appoint is between YOU and the DR. Not only are your kids disturbing that appointment, the staff but they could very well be disturbing other patients.
Many chiro offices have massage therapy and there would be no way I could be relaxed with kids around.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mummyofan* 
I think that the receptionist had no place saying that. It's the Dr's decision to say what they think needs to be said. and frankly my doctor always LOVES to see my children, goes to get toys and reads t them when I'm in the treatment room and getting dressed undressed or whatever! I feel bed, but she insists that I should always bring them as they're part of the family (and I would feel weird without them).


A lot of doctors, in my experience, purposely have their nurses and receptionists do the "dirty work," for various reasons, so that they can maintain professionality.

For example, when my DS was referred to an eye doc for a possible problem, the doctor came in and chatted and explained what would happen during the appointment - and then explicitly said that the assistants would be the ones to put the drops n DS's eyes, so that the doctor would not "be the bad guy" when he came back in to do the examination.

I've heard doctors telling their staff, "The Next time she comes in, tell her that she needs to XYZ." where XYZ is something like "leave the cigarettes at home," or "not fill the urine cup all the way to to top." Having the receptionist handle things like that allows the doctor to focus on patient care.

AP does not require never being separated from your children, even while having your teeth drilled! The "Attachment" is not required to be literal, it is about *biological* attachment, which is not the same, especially with older kids, as *physical* attachment.


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## Bug-a-Boo's Mama (Jan 15, 2008)

So sorry! Seems the receptionist might have been having a bad day.

I am in the group that DS goes everywhere with me. I completely understand that some doctor's, hair stylist, dentist, etc. have child free offices. Fine with me. I won't go there, I will go where there isn't a problem bringing my child. Since he has been doing this since birth, DS is used to it and well behaved. But I have no option of leaving DS with someone while I go to an appointment. DH works and my Mother works. I am a SAHM and DS does not attend pre-school.

While my DS probably would have enjoyed the child care area at the gym, I would not have forced him to go if he didn't want to.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I also want to point out that it is a big difference taking one child and taking three small children. they feed off each other.......and you are pulled in so many differetn directions.....


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## Epona (Jul 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KweenKrunch* 
My kids are well behaved, but I would not bring them to an appointment with me if I couldn't supervise them 100%

Lucky you. Not everyone has that luxury.


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## momma4fun (Jan 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Epona* 
Lucky you. Not everyone has that luxury.

after spending last week in the hospital for sudden gall stone attacks and surgery, i have come to realize that it would be irresponsible for me as a parent to not actively maintain a friendship with someone who i would feel comfortable leaving my young kids with in case of emergency.

i'm so lucky that my youngest kids are familiar with my oldest child's best friend and their family, because otherwise, i'm introverted and don't use childcare, and can only imagine how hard it would have been for them to be away from me in unfamilar circumstances last week.

i cheerfully and respectfully suggest that all families, no matter how AP, maintain some kind of relationship with a kind and responsible adult who the kids feel comfortable with.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momma4fun* 
i cheerfully and respectfully suggest that all families, no matter how AP, maintain some kind of relationship with a kind and responsible adult who the kids feel comfortable with.









Amen! We cannot and should not do this alone. my friends don't always parent exactly the way I do but we show each other mutual respect and have even greater compassion for each others children should they need to be seperated from their mother for a while. no one is going to be permanately scarred in a few hours if someone is not the perfect AP parents helper to them. I am mostly a loner at this point but i know in a pinch I have people I can count on. it is so hard for me nurture and maintain relationships right now but I MUST do it for my childen.


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## Swan3 (Aug 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilyka* 
Amen! We cannot and should not do this alone. my friends don't always parent exactly the way I do but we show each other mutual respect and have even greater compassion for each others children should they need to be seperated from their mother for a while. no one is going to be permanately scarred in a few hours if someone is not the perfect AP parents helper to them. I am mostly a loner at this point but i know in a pinch I have people I can count on. it is so hard for me nurture and maintain relationships right now but I MUST do it for my childen.

I feel so fortunate to have my mother and my MIL in a pinch...I do have huge trust issues with childcare based on things that happened to me as a child. I don't know how I'd deal if I didn't have family. And even at that I spent months preparing my daughter for the separation that would happen when I gave birth, and this was to go to her grandma's who she sees once per week!

I do see that in some instances it just isn't possible to get childcare, and even my physio has admitted to having to take her two year old to her dentist appt...it happens sometimes and can't be helped!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

AP isn't about physically being with your kids all the time, nor does anyone get extra points for making their own lives more difficult. It's about meeting your children's needs. Children who are being shushed by receptionists in dangerous medical offices not designed for children are not having their needs met. I would have gone early with the kids and sat with them in the childcare area so they would have warmed up to it, or I would have rescheduled for another day when someone else would be available. I also have only my dh, who works very long hours, available, and I know it's difficult, but I wouldn't bring young children to a medical appointment unless it was a emergency where I hadn't been able to schedule anything ahead of time because I hadn't known it was going to happen.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
To me AP is about meeting the needs of every family member, not just the kids. In the OPs situtation, yes, my kids would have been in the childcare center whether they liked it or not. *My NEED for medical care overrides their WANT not to spend 1/2 hour in childcare.* I think the stress of 3 misbehaving children in the room during treatment would probably negate any benefits from the chiropractic treatment for me.

Fortunately for me, my kids have never minded being "stuck"







in childcare. *They've always been aware that there are times when other's needs come first.*


Bolding mine.

I totally agree. I don't think that teaching children that their wants do not always trump Mama's needs is a bad thing.


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## lisalou (May 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *east carolina* 
Jumping back into the thread to add that I don't even think the receptionist was being all that rude. She was snippy and cold for sure, but I don't think I'd get my panties all in a twist because some receptionist thought my kids should have been in the daycare when they clearly would have been better served there.

I don't assume that the receptionist at the doctor's office is going to jump for joy when kids start playing with the furniture and such.

Thank you. I didn't think she was all that rude either but then I didn't get to hear the tone of her voice. It sounded from the OP that the receptionist a lot more than just sit at a front desk answering phones and checking patients in.

I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching your child about disappointments in not always getting what they want or that they don't always come first. It's the way life is. And frankly a doctor's office that actually has childcare would be a huge clue to me that they really don't like it or feel it's good for me as a patient to have my child come in with me to appointments.


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## baglady (Jul 13, 2009)

I can see both sides of the issue. I was a secretary/receptionist in an office and at least once a week someone would bring in kids that I was expected to watch. I was busy and my job was not babysitter. I love kids and understood that they were probably bored in my office; however, it was a huge hassle for me to deal with them and I would have to stay late to keep up on those days.

However as a stay at home mom with no childcare, sometimes it is unavoidable that there is no option but to take the kid along. My general rule for myself and DS (past infancy) is if it is an appointment where I'll be quickly examined (like dermatologist) the kid can come because he can be observed by me the whole time. If I'm going to get a pap smear I won't bring him because I am laying unable to grab him and constantly observe. Unfortunately, he won't just happily lay in his infant carrier anymore. I probably would have rescheduled.

Was she overly rude? possibly. Maybe some holy terror came in that morning and when she saw you coming in with three kids she thought, "Oh God. Here we go again."

No matter how much somebody likes kids, and, even if they have kids, it doesn't mean they have infinite patience for your kids. KWIM?


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## Seasons (Jun 10, 2004)

Where is the receptionist's supposed rudeness? All I see in the OP's posts is:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
So we proceed into the chiro's waiting room and the recept. immediately says, "Oh, aren't you going to put them in the child care?"

....

[My kids] start playing with the stool trying to get it lower to climb on it when we go to the exam room to wait for the dr. The recept. is clearly annoyed by this and comes in and tells them not to play on it. ... She threatens to take it away if they fight or play with it, but helps them lower it.

....She comes back in ... and tells me to sit down.

....We go to leave and the recept. says, "Child care next time?"

I see no problem with anything the receptionist said or did.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
A lot of doctors, in my experience, purposely have their nurses and receptionists do the "dirty work," for various reasons, so that they can maintain professionality.

For example, when my DS was referred to an eye doc for a possible problem, the doctor came in and chatted and explained what would happen during the appointment - and then explicitly said that the assistants would be the ones to put the drops n DS's eyes, so that the doctor would not "be the bad guy" when he came back in to do the examination.

*I've heard doctors telling their staff, "The Next time she comes in, tell her that she needs to XYZ." where XYZ is something like "leave the cigarettes at home," or "not fill the urine cup all the way to to top."* Having the receptionist handle things like that allows the doctor to focus on patient care.

AP does not require never being separated from your children, even while having your teeth drilled! The "Attachment" is not required to be literal, it is about *biological* attachment, which is not the same, especially with older kids, as *physical* attachment.

ITA

Especially the bolded part. I have read the entire thread and I am wondering just how many times the OP has brought all of her children. Perhaps this was the final straw for the chiro, and the receptionist is the one who got stuck with the dirty work. I can't imagine how 3 kids, with the oldest being Kindergarten age, could possibly NOT be a nuisance if mom is completely incapacitated.

They already have people they are PAYING to watch kids. I don't understand how it is fair to expect the receptionist to stop doing her job and babysit. My kids would have gone in the daycare, like it or not, especially if they wouldn't behave at the appointment. Life is full of things that are not to our liking and I wouldn't be helping my children by teaching them differently.

Being AP doesn't mean having everything revolve around the child. It's about balance, and I think the OP had a right to get good medical treatment, which she did not get. There is nothing 'anti-AP' about leaving your kid in childcare for a few minutes while you get much needed medical care.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Seasons* 
Where is the receptionist's supposed rudeness? All I see in the OP's posts is:

I see no problem with anything the receptionist said or did.

And I agree 10000% with this. What on earth did the receptionist do wrong?

Those stools are really dangerous, and a huge liability. I would imaging the reason she told them not to play with it is so they wouldn't get hurt. I doubt she was just being mean.


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lisalou* 
Thank you. I didn't think she was all that rude either but then I didn't get to hear the tone of her voice. It sounded from the OP that the receptionist a lot more than just sit at a front desk answering phones and checking patients in.

I don't think there's anything wrong with teaching your child about disappointments in not always getting what they want or that they don't always come first. It's the way life is. And frankly a doctor's office that actually has childcare would be a huge clue to me that they really don't like it or feel it's good for me as a patient to have my child come in with me to appointments.

I wonder what her actual job title is. IME the 'receptionist' at a chiro office is more of an office/personal assistant to the doctor. They clean the rooms in between appointments, take people to the exam room and give them gowns etc.
They also do billing and tons of other stuff, so calling her a 'receptionist' might be incorrect. And I think she had every authority to speak up when she saw the exam room being treated like a playground.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

OP- I hope next time goes much better for you.

I've had to take ds with me for my doc appts (he's on the autism spectrum and I haven't found a sitter with special needs experience. Nor can I be paying for a babysitter all the time).
Maybe next time you can bring some more engaging toys for them to play with. Hopefully, that will work.


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## graceomalley (Dec 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dubfam* 
And I agree 10000% with this. What on earth did the receptionist do wrong?

Those stools are really dangerous, and a huge liability. I would imaging the reason she told them not to play with it is so they wouldn't get hurt. I doubt she was just being mean.

Ditto. She wasn't being rude or 'child unfriendly' ... she was probably dealing with complaints from other people at the clinic. I know you didn't mean for your kids to be bored, op, but I think you agree that next time you probably shouldn't have them with you - not only for their safety but also so that they're not in a situation which sets them up for 'failure'. Not that it's a failure for them to make their own entertainment, but there's no way a situation like that can be seen as optimal for them. AP or not. This isn't an AP issue, imo.


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:

There's a lot of expensive equipment in medical offices and they have to be careful, plus they have legal liability if someone gets hurt playing on something not intended for that purpose. They have a right to set boundaries within their office.
This. Besides the obvious factor of children who are bickering, whining and distracting everyone from the medical treatment, there are some things in offices that are just not appropriate for kids to play with. Those stools are one.

When I was working as a vet. tech, we had to say something to a parent at least weekly about keeping their children out of drawers/away from equipment. You'd think that adults would know that letting their kids fool around with equipment in an exam room would be inappropriate, but not so much. At times, only telling the parents how much they would owe if xyz were to be broken by their child prompted them to control their kids' behavior.

I'm a SAHM of 3, soon to be 4 kids, without a babysitter. My mom can help sometimes, but if I can't schedule appointments when the kids can be looked after, I cancel. It sucks, but being a parent comes with a lot of self-sacrifice sometimes.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Is it possible to contact the office manager and let them know of your experience? The receptionist was totally out of line IMO. I probably would have said something to her myself at the time but that's just how I am. They are my children and no one would talk to my children in the way that she did or make them feel unwelcome for absolutely no reason.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
AP isn't about physically being with your kids all the time, nor does anyone get extra points for making their own lives more difficult.

but not all moms feel the same about it.







When my kids were under 5 years old I would have much rather had a sitter or a friend, relative or DH stay with them while I go to an appt but sometimes it wasn't available and I wasn't up for stressing myself and my children out just for me to go to the doctor for an hour or two. Once I had children I had to take their feelings in to consideration as well. Luckily, I always had somewhere to take mine when they were really little but I realize not all moms do.


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## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy68* 
They are my children and no one would talk to my children in the way that she did or make them feel unwelcome for absolutely no reason.

Curious, how would you want the staff to handle it when a patient's children are playing with office equiptment in an inappropriate manner?


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

I think part of the chiropractic experience requires the ability to relax. I'd be pretty tense if I had to manage my kids in an exam room, to the point where there wouldn't be much point in me getting adjusted. Actually, that's why I don't go anymore. DH isn't usually around when the chiro is open, and I don't see the sense in wasting everyone's time and money.


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