# She won't let me brush her hair!



## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

I'm so frustrated right now. DD2 (3.5 yrs) has never liked having her hair brushed, but she used to at least let us DO it. Now she won't let us near her when we have a brush, comb, etc. We've tried a compromise of finger combing it, but she won't have that either. She doesn't want ANYTHING in her hair.

We've tried explaining that if she lets us brush it more often it won't hurt because there won't be tangles. She doesn't care. We've tried giving her to option of WHEN she wants it brushed. She says never. We've tried explaining that if she doesn't let us brush it we're going to have to cut it off because it'll be so tangled. She doesn't care. So I tried cutting off the biggest tangles. After the first cut, when she realized I was touching her hair, she freaked out and ran off. If we try to just sit her down, explain nicely that we HAVE to brush it, etc she starts hitting and kicking and screaming.

I'm getting so angry. I HAVE to brush her hair. It looks horrible, and I DO care what other people think when we're in public and her hair looks so bad. A few weeks ago she smeared conditioner all in her hair and made it REALLY bad and it took forever, with her screaming, to wash it out. I hate her screaming all the time.

I just don't know what to do. This isn't the only problem we're having with DD2, but it's the most immediate. I'm just ready to scream myself.


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## amcal (Jan 13, 2003)

Uh, yeah, I'd be cutting her hair. It will be traumatic but, much less traumatic than trying to brush her hair every day.

I would deal with the 20 minute fit during the hair cut rather than the daily fit over hair brushing any day.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

I'm about ready to cut my 5 year old's hair off. She actually wants me to, she's brought me the scissors. Or she says she wants to go to Snip-Its and get it cut there.

What's interesting is I took her to a party on New Year's Eve, and a young woman (the daughter of the party hosts) saw her hair, and told her she was going to fix it for her. So she took her up into her bedroom along with my 9 year old, and brushed and french braided her hair. My 9 year old said that her sister just quietly said ow if it hurt her, she didn't scream and hit her and run away.

My niece used to hate having her hair done so much that she took a pair of scissors and cut off all her braids. This was when she was about 4.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *amcal* 
Uh, yeah, I'd be cutting her hair. It will be traumatic but, much less traumatic than trying to brush her hair every day.

I would deal with the 20 minute fit during the hair cut rather than the daily fit over hair brushing any day.

I'm still trying that. But she won't sit still. She hits and kicks, puts her hands in her hair, etc. I'm afraid she'll get cut. The only thing I can think of is to have DH hold her still, but that seems so much the opposite of what I want. I'm just at the end of my rope though and don't know what else to do.

Heck, I even tried cutting her hair while she was asleep. Somehow she KNEW and woke up as soon as I cut one tangle and started screaming and hitting.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Viola* 
I'm about ready to cut my 5 year old's hair off. She actually wants me to, she's brought me the scissors. Or she says she wants to go to Snip-Its and get it cut there.

What's interesting is I took her to a party on New Year's Eve, and a young woman (the daughter of the party hosts) saw her hair, and told her she was going to fix it for her. So she took her up into her bedroom along with my 9 year old, and brushed and french braided her hair. My 9 year old said that her sister just quietly said ow if it hurt her, she didn't scream and hit her and run away.

My niece used to hate having her hair done so much that she took a pair of scissors and cut off all her braids. This was when she was about 4.

We've offered to take her to the *special place where they make hair pretty* and she wants nothing to do with it.









Right now I'd be happy if she WOULD just chop off her hair. I will deal with uneven, as long as the snarls are gone.


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## chaimom (Aug 22, 2007)

Wow. I thought my dd was tough, but it does sound like your dd is a bit worse when it comes to brushing her hair. A couple of things have helped us-- a bribe (watch TV while brushing, or a piece of chocolate), a "soft" brush, which is made out of boar hair or something like that, and a layered hair cut, which makes the snarles a little bit easier to get out. Oh, also detangling leave-in cream after the bath, and a detangling spray for day-time.

I know it's hard! So sorry!


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Would she be excited to get her hair cut if you got her some cute barrettes and made a special lunch date out of it? You could call it her "no more tangles" haircut or something like that.

If it's that bad, I would also tell her that you can't go out of the house until her hair is combed. I don't think it's unfair to have some hygiene rules.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chaimom* 
Wow. I thought my dd was tough, but it does sound like your dd is a bit worse when it comes to brushing her hair. A couple of things have helped us-- a bribe (watch TV while brushing, or a piece of chocolate), a "soft" brush, which is made out of boar hair or something like that, and a layered hair cut, which makes the snarles a little bit easier to get out. Oh, also detangling leave-in cream after the bath, and a detangling spray for day-time.

I know it's hard! So sorry!

We've tried letting her watch TV while brushing and that doesn't work. But I haven't tried bribing with chocolate. I might have to try that.

Currently it's so bad a soft brush wouldn't help, but if she'd let me get it FULLY brushed a soft brush might be enough to keep it that way. I'll look into it. Maybe that won't freak her out as much.

I think we'll need to try a new detangler. We have one but it doesn't seem to help at all.


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## neverdoingitagain (Mar 30, 2005)

Sigh.
I had the same problem with my dd. The memeories it brings up makes my stomache churn. We ended up cutting her hair very short. Thankfully, she allowed us to cut it. If she hadn't, we would pinned her down and cut it. It was that bad.
It makes me so sad, since I had these images in my mind of brushing her hair, and fixing it up when she was little.







She doesn't even let me touch her hair still.
I hope you find a solution soon.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ledzepplon* 
Would she be excited to get her hair cut if you got her some cute barrettes and made a special lunch date out of it? You could call it her "no more tangles" haircut or something like that.

If it's that bad, I would also tell her that you can't go out of the house until her hair is combed. I don't think it's unfair to have some hygiene rules.

Hmm... I could try something like that. She has never liked barrettes, but I might be able to swing something like that.

She's already lost visits to the park, etc. She's fine with that.







:


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *neverdoingitagain* 
Sigh.
I had the same problem with my dd. The memeories it brings up makes my stomache churn. We ended up cutting her hair very short. Thankfully, she allowed us to cut it. If she hadn't, we would pinned her down and cut it. It was that bad.
It makes me so sad, since I had these images in my mind of brushing her hair, and fixing it up when she was little.







She doesn't even let me touch her hair still.
I hope you find a solution soon.

I'm getting tempted to just shave it off.









It's nice to know I'm not the only one with the same problem though.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

I wouldn't bribe her with anything, that's just positively reinforcing the behavior. It's giving her a treat for acting so badly.

I'd leave it. Buy some hats. She'll come around.

I also like the "no leaving the house" rule. Hygiene is important, it's not as though you're asking too much.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SAHDS* 
I wouldn't bribe her with anything, that's just positively reinforcing the behavior. It's giving her a treat for acting so badly.

I'd leave it. Buy some hats. She'll come around.

I also like the "no leaving the house" rule. Hygiene is important, it's not as though you're asking too much.

Unfortunately not ever leaving the house isn't possible. She has chiropractor appointments, we have to go shopping, laundromat, etc. I've stopped taking her to the park, indoor playground at the mall, etc. But I can't stop leaving the house completely.









I think I'm leaning toward having DH hold her while I just cut it off. It won't be pleasant, but then it'll be over and she won't have the daily trauma of trying to get it brushed.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:

I think I'm leaning toward having DH hold her while I just cut it off. It won't be pleasant, but then it'll be over and she won't have the daily trauma of trying to get it brushed.
I'm pretty sure this is going to come out harsh, but wow. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone held me down and cut off all my hair. How horribly traumatic.

I get that its no fun right now to try to deal with every day, but there's got to be a better way. My 2.5 year old has long hair and really doesn't like me brushing it. Dh can do it with no problems and our daycare lady has actually french braided it and almost daily, does something with it. Right now, I let him wear a hat if we leave the house and can sometimes catch him in a mood where he wants a pony tail. Otherwise, I leave it be, its his hair, its clean and I can deal with it not being done perfectly.

When I was litte, my mom didn't want to deal with doing my hair (not because I didn't want her to, she just didn't want to do it) so she cut it. I had inch long hair until I was 12 because she just couldn't handle it. It was horribly embarassing to me because everyone thought I was a boy and I got lots of nasty comments.

Could Grandma or an aunt or somebody talk to her about it? Sometimes kids just dig in when they're being forced and maybe if she finds its fun to get to do stuff with your hair and you let go a little, she'll let you brush it.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:

Unfortunately not ever leaving the house isn't possible. She has chiropractor appointments, we have to go shopping, laundromat, etc. I've stopped taking her to the park, indoor playground at the mall, etc. But I can't stop leaving the house completely.
That's where the hats come into play









Quote:

I'm pretty sure this is going to come out harsh, but wow. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if someone held me down and cut off all my hair. How horribly traumatic.
I absolutely agree. This came up in another thread recently and was talked about in depth.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Well I CAN'T deal with it as it is. It's a huge fight to even wash it. And FORGET being able to wash AND brush it. And she won't let anything be on her head, so hats are a no go.







It gets snarly and tangled and full of fuzzies and god knows what else. It's horrible.

I don't want to do anything traumatic, but I also need to find a solution that's going to be the LEAST traumatic since EVERYTHING involving her head and hair is traumatic to her. What's worse? Having it over all at once, or being *assaulted* (as I'm sure she sees it) every day?

I'm just at my wits end.


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## ChocolateNummies (Apr 9, 2007)

My daughter (7 yo) only started letting me fix her hair in the last year or so. Any attempt to brush included crying, screaming, and arguing She is still really tender-headed and prefers to brush with a soft brush herself. Occasionally, now, she'll let me brush through it with a comb or more effective brush to fully detangle it. There are always a few spots that she can't do completely on her own.

I used to stress about getting it smooth and tangle-free but decided it wasn't worth the fighting. We had several years here during which dd had only semi-brushed hair. We'd brush in stages. I'd do what I could before she got edgy or sometimes she'd agree to let me do it for x number of minutes and I'd set the timer. When it was done - so was the brushing. I'd get some of the tangles out but not all. I'd also put on a dvd or something to distract her while I did it or ask if I could do it while she ate her snack or something like that. I just stopped expecting to get her hair fully brushed out all at once. We did what we could and left the rest 'til next time. Sometimes (often) we didn't do anything. She also didn't like ponytails or clips or anything like that. She would let me shampoo though, just barely.

I complained and worried about it to my husband once and he asked me what exactly was so important about brushing her hair. I couldn't give him an answer other than I just don't like it or other people will think poorly of us







. He convinced me as long as it was clean he didn't think it was a big deal and I shouldn't either. I let it go as best I could.


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

Does she have a problem with hair washing? I was just thinking if she's relaxed in the bath, she might let you comb it while she's in there, especially if it's chock-full of conditioner and therefore easier to comb?








Sounds like a tough situation.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Thank you. I know I should let go of thinking "what will other people think of me?!", but it's not that easy. Especially when everytime IL's see her all we hear is "Why haven't you fixed that girl's hair yet? It's horrible!". Over and over and over. ~sighs~

I'd probably even be okay with some tangles if it weren't for the fuzzies. Her hair attracks foreign objects, so even after it's been cleaned it looks like it isn't because it's tangled and fuzzy-full.

Letting go just isn't something I know how to do.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ledzepplon* 
Does she have a problem with hair washing? I was just thinking if she's relaxed in the bath, she might let you comb it while she's in there, especially if it's chock-full of conditioner and therefore easier to comb?








Sounds like a tough situation.

She has a huge problem with hair washing. Anything that even comes remotely close to her head results in her screaming and hitting. Washing her hair is a nightmare. So once we get it done FORGET being able to brush it after. She's so worked up that if she evens SEE a brush she flips out.

DD1 never liked having her hair washed and brushed, but she was never like this.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I think you need to cut her hair short. Yes, it will still need to be washed and brushed, but it will be a much simpler, quicker job. Then I think you should make some sort of compromise with her. I would insist on washing her hair once a week, and brusing it once or twice a week. I wouldn't insist on doing so daily- IMO, that's just not worth the struggle.

It sounds like your DD has a phobia of having her head touched- or if not a true phobia than something that's very real to her. I'm sure she truly does feel traumatized when her hair is being messed with. She's not "just being dramatic." At the very least, if you do go the "DH holds her down while I cut it" route, acknowledge her feelings about the process.

I think you should consider giving her something for the anxiety before you do anything to her hair (both the cutting and then washing/brushing in the future.) I'd suggest either a prescription from the pediatrician, Rescue Remedy, or an herbal preparation in an appropriate dose for her age and size. I'm not sure which herbs to recomend or whether they're safer or less safe than pharmaceuticals, but IMO some sort of medication may be less harmful to her, as a whole, than continuing to fuss with her hair while she's completely flipping out.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

I like the idea of giving her something to help calm her down. Couldn't hurt.

I just want to minimize the trauma I guess. *I* know in the long run she'll be happier with much shorter hair that doesn't tangled as easily, doesn't have to be washed and brushed so often, etc. But *she* certainly doesn't understand that.


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## lurable (Jul 23, 2006)

These are things that have worked for me.

For hair washing I ALWAYS get in the bath with dd. I lay her head in my lap and wash her hair. I don't rush - I wait for her to relax and enjoy the feeling of laying in the bath. This has taken a lot of time, tears and patience but the results were great.

When we are at nana's we use a hand held shower which worked well also.

As for brushing- we do it at the same time each morning. She chooses a word that she get's to say if it hurts. Part of the frustration for me was listening to AHHH or OWWW or screaming and moaning each time. So, now she picks a word like "shrimp" or "carrot" and everytime it hurts she says it. We usually laugh like crazy and then we are done. If it gets done everyday it doesn't take long and is relatively painless. The key is to do it EVERYDAY! When I was ready to commit to no more tears I went against every fiber of my natural self and bought a small bottle of strong conditioner and used it on dd's hair. Then I vowed to never let it get so tangly again!
She wears her hair up or in braids everyday and it is almost to her bum.
HTH


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## JAL (Apr 29, 2005)

wow, I feel for ya. My dd (3yrs old) does not like her hair brushed at all either but does not sound like she is as much of a challenge as your daughter....yet.

I have tried the not going out until hair is brushed, even one time for her favorite place in the world, preschool, where her bestest friend in the world is!! She just did not care for about an hour, then asked if she could go to school. She relented on the hair for about 1 min so at least I got it in some sort of shape to go out.
Her hair is awful when not brushed, for instance if I went out without brushing mine might look a bit messy but maybe more "windblown" I have very straight hair. But dd's hair is a whole other story. It is very thin, and very frizzy and half will frizz out while half stays down, it is hard hair to deal with so I can understand why she has such an aversion to brushing. But still...it has to be done or all the knots have to get cut out!

I am going to keep up with this thread and see how the hair cutting goes. I think dd might sit for a stranger to get hers cut, and I think we might go that route soon.

Good luck and I hope some of the ideas posted earlier work!


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

My dd is 3 and won't let me comb or brush her hair either. It looked so bad long that I told her we could 1) let me put in a ponytail or 2) cut it off. She was so freaked of getting it cut that she cooperated for ponytails for quite awhile. My suggestion, which folks might not agree with, is to come up with the mother-of-all-bribes in return for going to the salon and getting a real haircut-- that way it's a once every couple months thing and not bribing her with treats every single day (heck- I sometimes offer myself a big treat after doing something I don't want to do!) Also- a professional haircut should lay really nice compared to what one can do at home- and so need minimal upkeep. I finally got my dd to go to the kid's haircut place here in town-- they had tons of toys and had a tv where she got to watch dora (we don't have cable, so dora was a HUGE treat for her) and gave her a little candy cane. I said I wanted bangs trimmed and the rest shorter than chin length and undercut so it would flip under by itself. That lady was good with my very shy dd and FAST! Literally- five minutes and it was done. We wash and use real conditioner maybe once a week (often once in two weeks- it's still a pain) and I really don't comb it at all. Her hair is very fine and, with it short and since we're conditioning, it doesn't get too tangled (there's a certain length where she'll get a rats nest on the back of her head) It looks pretty good all the time. When I tried to cut it myself, I wasn't able to do the undercutting and such right, and so it always started looking scraggly pretty quickly. Good luck. I was always bit self-conscious when we'd go out with dd's hair looking awful, because I didn't want people to think that we weren't taking care of her or that unkempt = dirty. It's nice to be able to just get up and go without struggling over fixing it and have her look clean and sweet (at worst, just a little mussed)


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

Cut her hair. Simple solution. My older daughter (age 6) has waist length thick hair. She was freaking out all the time about me brushing it and I told her if she didn't take care of it properly I would get it all cut off. She stopped the screaming. The one thing I do with her that helps is use adult conditioner on her (that wimpy kids stuff doesn't do anything for her) every time she showers and then brush her hair right away and put it in a braid. I brush it and braid it every night before bed, that way when she wakes up in the morning I just take the braid out and brushing it is really easy. My other daughter threw fits too and now she sports a cute little just past the chin bob. She looks very cute. She recently said she wants long hair like her sister so we are going to start growing it out and see how it goes. Going out with messy hair is not an option in our family. It looks bad and reflects badly on the child (and on the child's mother!).


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

My DD also hates to get her hair brushed. We usually only brush it in the bath and sometimes if it is really bad in the morning, she will let me brush it for about 10 seconds.

One thing that my DD really likes is to go to the Aveda salon and have her hair washed and cut there. We make a big deal about going to a nice salon, where mommy gets her hair cut and she has a lot of fun there. Maybe taking your DD out to a really nice, fancy salon would work? Also, maybe she could get her nails painted too? And it isn't really expensive for the kids cuts - the one we go to charges the same amount for a child's haircut as the kid places at the mall.


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## lthw (Jan 17, 2009)

I really feel for you. My daughter is also very sensitive about me touching her hair (and I did used to brush or trim it in her sleep). Here are my tips, sorry if they repeat what others have said:
1- In the bath, shampoo & rinse gently and quickly, then as you're toweling off use a leave in conditioner that you apply really quickly when she's not expecting it. I like Paul Mitchell - the Detangler (not technically a leave in, but it works for us).
2- Explain each morning that you'll need to put her hair in ponytails OR that you'll be taking her for a short haircut at a salon later that day - her choice - she is not permitted to keep her hair long if she doesn't let you care for it. My daughter always relents and lets me do the ponytails. I let her pick out her barrettes and ponytail holders for the day. We have a zillion.
3- Every couple of months I tell her that it's time for Haircut and Sundaes!!!! Woohooo! If they have a kids' cuts place, those are the best since they cater to children . . . but with ice cream waiting my daughter will go to a regular place now.

Good luck,
L


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I have to keep my DD's hair cut short for this reason. She will literally throw a fit when I brush it. However, she doesn't do anything at all when I take her in to get her hair trimmed.







So we keep it cut short. She still gets a few tangles and I simply use a spray in, leave-in conditioner each day before I brush. I douse her hair with the conditioner and then gently brush (don't comb!). When it's wet after her bath I do the same thing. I use a shampoo with conditioner and the spray-in conditioner as well.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

Thanks for all the suggestions.







DD2 went to her grandma's today and came home with shorter hair. I hadn't ASKED MIL to cut it, but well, it's done now. Not as short as I would have chosen, but it looks very cute. Now to find a way to KEEP it look cute. I think when DH gets paid we'll look for a leave-in conditioner, detangler, etc. ANYTHING to keep the trauma down.


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## caudex (Dec 7, 2007)

If she got a brush AND a cut today from grandma without too much opposition (I assume it wasn't too bad cos I can't imagine a non-parent keeping at it if there was, honestly) I'd wonder if her reaction is more to you and your DH. Does she have an older cousin or friend whom she lets play with her hair? My little cousin HATED having her mother brush her hair (it was long and thick) and so she'd always come over with it in tangles. For wahtever reason, I was allowed to brush it out completely and do whatever I wanted to it. If she'll let others do it, maybe it's time to figure out what's different.


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## amydidit (Jan 21, 2005)

From what DH tells me MIL said DD cried and screamed through the whole thing. (The fact that MIL persisted even with DD screaming is a whole different thread) So, no... it's not just a me or DH thing. DD1 (12) has tried with the same results. DD's older cousin has tried (that DD adores), same result.


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## pomplemoose (Dec 28, 2008)

DD7 never liked having her hair brushed until this past year. We had some kids detangler but it didnt work so i bit the bullet and got her some semi spendy stuff at the salon it worked wonders. Now if her hair is tangly we spray it in and i let her brush herself. We made a big deal about the new spray in conditioner, how it would be soo much easier etc. and got her a new brush and magic it worked. although that was about the time she was 5-6 so im not sure if the same would go for your DD but its worth a shot IMHO.


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## bbsc (Dec 7, 2006)

My son tolerates detangling best on the bus, when he's riding on my lap. He can't stand me using a comb or brush, so I just use my fingers. I've tried convincing him to get a trim, but he's pretty attached to the look of his long hair.


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## azjen43 (Feb 16, 2005)

My LO had long, curly, very unruly hair, and she hated having it brushed...When she was still nursing, I could brush it and twist it into a bun on top of her head each morning after thoroughly spraying it with detangler. After weaning, (age 4) we went to a kids' salon with our neighbor and, after seeing her friend get her hair cut, she asked to get hers done. She got a cute short pixie and has had one ever since. Sitting in the fun car-shaped chair and watching disney videos







helped alot. With the short cut, we just rinse it in the bathtub daily and let it dry with a minimum of fuss.


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## mama_mojo (Jun 5, 2005)

What type of hair are we talking about?

Things I've used that have helped with my daughters' straight, very willing to tangle hair:

Really wide toothed comb (gets most tangles well enough, and is pretty gentle)

wooden comb (doesn't seem to snarl the same way the plastic ones do)

wooden bristle brush (see above)

combing wet hair with heaps of conditioner

lots of patience and sympathy packed with a heavy dose of certainty

funny stories about how the tangles got there to start with

screaming together when we hit a tangle

special songs

confidence that this will be done

hair cuts

detangler (only of minimal help, see below)

really wet or really dry hair (damp hair seems the most tangly)

stories about the awful things my mother did when combing my hair (sorry, Mom!)

determination

start at the bottom, work up

work big tangles in tiny parts

don't rush

Good luck!


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

We just cut off my recently turned six year old dd's hair. It was past her shoulders, and it's now a chin bob.

She never screamed and fussed or tried to get away, but even with all the conditioner and wide tooth combs in the world - she has a very sensitive scalp and would quietly sob while I brushed her hair.

While she was a bit sad to part with her hair, my G!D it is a LOT easier around here at bath time and in the morning getting ready.


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## k13 (Sep 10, 2008)

I posted recently about hair troubles with my two girls. When my younger dd was smaller (under five) I managed to keep her hair cut short by way of putting on a movie and bribing her with a treat. The movie and treat would distract her while I cut her hair. I kept it very short - and she didnt' seem to mind until she got older and both she and her sister wanted long hair (like all the princesses and feminine "ideals" they see I presume) so the battles began - the rule is they have to have it brushed and washed and taken care of if they want to have long hair. BUt that is easier said than done. I have one strong-willed screamer and one introverted sulker and I have a struggle with both to keep their hair looking "nice". I am torn between feeling like it shouldn't matter what people think and the reality that people do judge both them and me. Beyond that the daily brushing struggle is so extreme that I can't fathom why my youngest still wants to have long hair. I hate feeling like I hurt her. We practice all the suggestions for making hair brushing easier and I am gentle as possible but it is still an unbelievable pain. It is not just me, as I suspected it might be - we've tried having dad, grandma etc. do it with the same results.

Anyway, I'm glad you got her hair cut, hopefully that helps for now! Praise her on how cute it looks and how easy it is to take care of so hopefully she'll be agreeable to keeping it that way!!!


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## Subhuti (Feb 18, 2005)

i had similar issues w/my daughter at around three. I told her we were going to cut her hair if she didn't cooperate w/shampooing and brushing. That pretty much ended the conflict.


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## catballou24 (Mar 18, 2003)

we go through stages of this with our 3 yo dd. her hair gets dreads really easily even though it's not super curly. one thing we started was making up a story on why tangles are in her hair. she calls them the tangle monsters and when we comb her hair in the bath with gobs of conditioner, she tells them, "now tangle monsters, go home to your children!"







when we are going through a particularly bad spell we do lots of ponytails...

at one point though i was ready to just cut it all off...but she wants long hair like a princess has she says, so usually gives in when i break out the scissors..







i hope the shorter cut for your dd works out well for you all!!


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

I'm a former "short hair because I screamed" child. I was 6 when my mom cut my hair short because I wouldn't let her brush it. I SWORE I wouldn't do this with my DD but here I am, with a nearly 5 year old, who screams when I come near her with a brush. I finally sat her down and said she could pick, we could do a short (cute) hair cut, like a chin length bob, or she could keep growing it, but either way, the fits about brushing had to stop. Much to my surprise (after a year of fussing and fighting) she decided to cut it. We are going in next week to have it cut. I can't wait! I am SO SO tired of fighting with her about this. If she will let MIL or other people cut it, IMO, this is a power struggle, not some big issue. My DD is the same way, her favorite Aunt and Grandma can brush it, but I can't.


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## dianna11 (Dec 3, 2004)

DD has almost waist length curly hair, so dreadlocks are a daily issue, and we need to brush it a lot. She hates it!

I found that telling her a story about the tangles partying in her hair, and the brush being the super hero that removes them and doing the whole narrative "the tangles are having a big party in your hair, and along comes the brush, and says ' you can't party in Izzy's hair anymore, you have to go' and the tangles say 'no no no! We want to stay and we're going to pull and pull and pull'..." until the tangles are out, then "what are the tangles saying now? Nothing! Because they are all gone"

She gets distracted by the narrative, and the pulling is in context of the story. It's silly, but it works for us


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## JayGee (Oct 5, 2002)

Have you tried switching to a satin pillowcase? In my experience, most of the snarls and tangles happen at night and a slippery, satin pillowcase eliminates this problem (if she doesn't mind the texture). At least that way you could have someone else braid her hair nice and tight and it would last a lot longer.

Good luck.... my DD1 hates having her hair brushed too.


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