# one twin loss



## brookelynnp (Jan 1, 2002)

It has been three and a half years since I gave birth to my son who is living... HE has many emotional problems and we finally went to a birth trauma specialists last week to figure out if his seemingly nice birth had components we missed. We ignored something big and now we have to go back three years with him to work it out. Ds had a twin that died at about 20 weeks or so and he has not let go of her, nor have I. I thought that I had no right to mourn her death as I got atleast one live baby. But this isn't the case we are both sad and still holding on to her. He wont let go of me ever, he wont let go of his poops, he subconcsiously wont fully nourish himself. All this time all of these years he has been suffering in silence for the twin he was so closely bonded with. And I did not see his pain and suffering as such. I suspected it but gave it no validation or real credit for being real. How terribly wrong I was how terribly sad I feel now, three years later. I hope that this does not offend anyone as I have one child, i just need to share it somewhere because I think that most people would feel I am crazy and ridiculous at this point. But since bringing this to my ds attention through stories and games he is making incredible strides. We cry together about it. How strange to hear my 3 year old talk about his dead baby. I can not even write it without feeling guilt and uncomferatable all inside. We will survive, we will survive.


----------



## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

It's just so good that you DID figure out how to help your son. We always talk about the physical health of babies, but not so often the emotional or psychological health. It's just natural that you would regard his problems as physical.

What an amazing connection your son has to his sister, and what an amazing mommy he has, who recognized that! It took time, please don't feel guilty, you did well. Just move forward. You are right, you will survive.


----------



## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

It must have been a very confusing emotional time- loss of one baby and happiness that you were having another one. I know it was hard for me losing my grandfather the same night my cousin was born- I wasn't sure what to feel! It must be even harder for a baby who doesn't have any life experience to help him deal with his emotions.

Be thankful that you figured this out now and not 20 years from now.


----------



## Hey Mama! (Dec 27, 2003)

I've also lost a twin before birth but it was much sooner then you did. I don't know if my living dd realizes or remembers her twin. I know I think about it from time to time and wonder what it would be like to have them both with me (I'm tearing up just thinking about it, because my dd is celebrating her
3rd birthday today). I'm glad you are validating your child's feelings and helping him through this pent up emotion.


----------



## Mammax4 (May 26, 2006)

brookelynnp- your ds has an amazing Mommy. Maybe working on helping your ds will help both of you grieve. I wish you continued incredible strides and peace.

Hey Mama!-







:


----------



## Mama8 (Mar 6, 2006)

I am so sorry that your sons twin died and that things are still so hard. I too lost have experienced twin loss. The first time I was pregnant with twin girls and one died fairly early in pregnancy. My body did not let go of her and continued to try and nourish her by keeping her placenta fully functioning the surviving twin girl is now 5 years old and talks about her twin sister Hannah a lot. I then became pregnant with boy/girl twins. They were born on Nov 17th of 2003. Sadly or little boy was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Primordial Dwarfism, and a blood clotting disorder. He was a real fighter and lived until he was 4 months and one week when he died from what we suspect was a blood clot moving. We refused an autopsy. My son Christian's twin Geneva will be turning 3 in November and I can see she is grieving hard. She tends to be so very angry, having melt-downs and not seeming to know what to do with her grief. I can see her loss in the way she acts and it breaks my heart. We do talk about our twins that have died and keep them in our family conversations. I just wanted to offer you a empathetic hug, and a prayer that things get better for your son and for your family. Hang in there.


----------



## brookelynnp (Jan 1, 2002)

Thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. MY ds threw his new baby today and said that she was "bad for not eating when she was in his belly with him." The words he continues to share with me around something I never realized he had awareness of astounds me.


----------



## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Your son shared an amazing connection with his sister. Maybe he has a gift of connecting with other people.

Many people must spend their whole lives, dealing with a loss such as yours without ever realizing it. That you have found a way to help your son, and hopefully yourself too, will make an enormous difference in his life.


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am sorry mama!!!


----------



## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama8* 
...I too lost have experienced twin loss. The first time I was pregnant with twin girls and one died fairly early in pregnancy...lived until he was 4 months and one week...We do talk about our twins that have died and keep them in our family conversations...

This is probably the most heartbreaking story I've ever heard! I'm SO sorry and griefstricken for everyone here that is going through this type of thing. I can't imagine!...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brookelynnp* 
Thank you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. MY ds threw his new baby today and said that she was "bad for not eating when she was in his belly with him." The words he continues to share with me around something I never realized he had awareness of astounds me.

I am absolutely shocked/astounded/amazed/etc. about the comment your boy made. The mere fact that he remembers being in there with her and that she died from not eating!... I'm speechless... I ... speechless! That's just beyond what I can comprehend! 20 weeks and he remembers the circumstances for which he now has words! Amazing.


----------



## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

(((Hugs)))) for you and your son. Have you checked out this organization http://www.climb-support.org/ ? It may be able to provide some additional help


----------

