# NO patience for my 2 year old



## kdegroo (Dec 11, 2006)

Hi mommas,

I was wondering if anyone has experience with this. I consider myself a patient person. And up until a week or so ago, I felt like a patient, gentle, good momma. Something changed and I just get so angry at my daughter when she is doing things that aren't safe that she knows she shouldn't (hanging from the stove, terrorizing the dog, etc). My blood just boils and I have a hard time modeling the calm, gentle behavior I want from her and that she deserves. Tips? Commiseration?


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Has her actual behavior changed, or is it the same as always but your reaction has changed?


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## jjawm (Jun 17, 2007)

I always get snappy when I'm having PMS. My hormone changes really affect me and I lose it much quicker during that week.

Could it also be that because she's now reached "2" you expect more from her, even subconsciously?


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## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

Hi there,

A little commiseration here... many days I can feel my patient stores running low, and I have to prepare for that. I have a 2-year-old girl.

I only had to reflect briefly upon myself to figure out what had changed though. I'm pregnant, no longer nursing and having to spend a lot of hours away due to work lately.

If you are going through any changes (or she is), even a tiny change, it may be huge to her and cause her to vent by getting into things. Or maybe it could just be hormones (perhaps if you are getting your monthly)?

Also I realized just recently that I have a budding little girl, no longer a baby (she's 27 mos). Somehow because my perception of her has changed, I am just less patient and hoping (expecting?) a bit more from her. I know it's give and take but some days she takes a lot, and I have little to give.

Here's hoping we both have a little more to give soon! Can you give yourself a "me" day - or maybe an afternoon or just an hour? Rest & recuperation is my remedy when I can get it.


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## kdegroo (Dec 11, 2006)

Thanks for your questions and responses.

I think it is partly stress (and my inability to handle it), but also because "she knows better." So knows what she knows pushes my buttons and chooses to do it to get attention, the issue isn't impulse control from babyhood.

For me, it is more that I am concerned and uncomfortable about my anger. Why do I go there so quickly? Anyone have any thoughts or techniques to cool it? I'm finding this age to difficult-- not what I expected. I wish I could take a giant step back and know in that moment that I'll miss this stage and the silly inconsequential little drama 15 years from now!


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## milkmamamerina (Sep 29, 2008)

They are called terrible twos for a reason.  This is the start of your baby turning into a child with a will of her own. It is definitely infuriating, but it's probably only the beginning. Every child is different, but I remember my son would physically resist being removed from dangerous situations. The physical struggle with my surprisingly strong 2 yo would make my adreneline rise triggering anger in me. The best advice I can give is take a few deep breaths before acting. Realize that the anger you are feeling is triggered by adreneline (mentioned above) or fear from the threat to your child's safety. It's ok to feel angry just don't act rashly. Trying to will the anger away will actually perpetuate it. On a side note--as your child gets older and the tantrums ensue this article is very good and helpful. http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr.../tantrums.html


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## aiea (Jan 27, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *milkmamamerina* 
They are called terrible twos for a reason.  This is the start of your baby turning into a child with a will of her own. It is definitely infuriating, but it's probably only the beginning.

So true! And to cool the anger I have a mantra I keep telling myself. It goes something like "this is normal, other toddlers do the same, it's just her stage of life". It helps in the moment - and allows me to function to do what both of us need in the moment.

You may find something of a mantra somewhere in your reading that will help. They are like handles to hold onto when the anger is rising.


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## LittleMonkey (Apr 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aiea* 
So true! And to cool the anger I have a mantra I keep telling myself. It goes something like "this is normal, other toddlers do the same, it's just her stage of life". It helps in the moment - and allows me to function to do what both of us need in the moment.

You may find something of a mantra somewhere in your reading that will help. They are like handles to hold onto when the anger is rising.









: I can certainly commiserate. I was finding it difficult to stay cool headed when DS was resisting, sometimes with flailing arms and legs, the nap routine. I found that I needed to _consciously_ recognize that he was having a difficult time falling asleep and that his intent was not to upset or injure me!! By going to a place of compassion and empathy, trying to see the situation through the eyes of my DS, I am now able to avoid the 'trigger' and deal with the situation calmly. I mention this specific situation to provide a real life example of how I am able to calm that un-wanted anger. Like a PP mentioned, the adrenaline surge sometimes clouds our thinking and we need to respond from a higher part of our brain. GL!


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## kiwiva (Apr 17, 2006)

I don't use a mantra really though sometimes I remind myself "she's 2!". Then I use deep breaths. 3 deep breaths go a long way for relieving stress and allowing me to be calm. I use it over and over during tooth brushing especially!


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## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

My dd is a couple weeks older than yours, and I could have written your post! In the last few weeks, she has become much more destructive and I have much less patience. Part of that could be that the whether has been crappy, so we haven't been able to run around outside as much. But I think it's just the age and I hope they'll outgrow it soon.


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## ShiningStar (Jul 8, 2006)

This started with me over the summer. I was in my 3rd trimester and dd1 was 2.5yo. Now dd2 is 2mos and my patience is still at a minimum. Today I almost lot it in the library parking lot because she wanted to get in her carseat by herself, but she wouldn't actually do it. I know it's several things going on with us. Late in my pregnancy I was too uncomfortable to move to her to help get things done. Now with a newborn in my hand, it's even harder. There's also seeing a little girl where I once had a baby. She understands so much and wants independence, so then I start expecting too much of her. I have to admit I really just want her to listen to me, even though I know that's not going to consistently happen. Oh yeah, I think she wants to give up naps too. I guess I don't have any tips, only commisseration.


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## mexicali mami (Mar 24, 2007)

It's rough, I know I have lost my cool way too many times to count and really was a better mommy 6 months ago. I blame sleep deprivation. Hard to keep level headed if you aren't getting your zzz's. Also watch your diet and blood sugar levels...don't let yourself get too hungry(like I do) and then grab whatever is closest and shove it in your mouth. Carve out some ME time, make yourself do it, make your partner do it...one afternoon off can last me a week. Last but not least, ditch the guilt. You're not perfect, neither is your daughter...just two souls learning and growing together. Peace.


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## onebumatatime! (Nov 18, 2008)

I have similar issues with our 2.5 yo ds - he is almost 40 lbs and he is really and completely uncontrollable - not that I am out to "control" him - but for instance strapping him in his car seat when he doesn;t want to be is impossible and I get hurt trying to!

I have no advice for you mama, but I hope to find some answers here as well







:


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## ilovebabies (Jun 7, 2008)

Laughter! That's my advice. Turn those stressful moments into giggling moments with your dd. It will help distract her, keep you calm, and help you to find the humor is those mothering moments. There's something about laughter that difuses even the most stressful situation.

When my dd has especially "crazy" days (as I call them), I try to turn to laughter often. I'll scoop her up, tell her that she's being "so crazy" today and that she just needs to be tickled!

Then maybe after all the giggles are out and you're no longer in the conflict time with her, you can work on training her a little bit.

I don't know if the weather has turned where you're at or not, but it has here in just the last couple of weeks so I am also witnessing my dd bouncing off the walls. As a matter of fact, my dh took her swimming tonight (at our local rec center) because she so badly needed to get the wiggles out. When they have all that energy in them and don't have an outlet, more stuff like what you are describing happens. So, I also recommend that you try to get her outside some, or somewhere (restaurant playplace maybe? I know...germs--ugh!) to get her wiggles out.


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## lucky_mia (Mar 13, 2007)

I can completely commiserate. I am really struggling to be a gentle mama - and it isn't working out too well. My DD has always been tough but even my normally sweet DS has been really acting up. I read this tip recently and sometimes it works. I tell them they are acting like such two year olds. It makes me laugh and reminds me that they are only two. Sometimes nothing works.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I was like this from stress, but mostly it was from not taking my fish oils, OMG...they help me so much to be patient. My DD doesn't nap any more and hasn't really since about 23 months, now she's 26 months and I am finding that in her development my hardest time was about 18-23 months. She was just full on all. the. time. And I seriously thought I was going to lose it daily. For me I did have to start giving her a "time out" or a chill out because redirection and other things just didn't work. I had to sit her still for a few minutes for us both to take a breather. I know many are not a fan of this, but for us it is the only thing that has worked, DD is super spirited and totally sweet, but she can be such a PITA. Sitting down and "chilling out" works well for us.

I really recommend the fish oils if you don't already take them, they help immensely, I literally felt myself change back to a calm person. Although every noght we have some excitement because DD gets tired and turns into a tasmanian she devil, my crazy girl.


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## COVegMom (Mar 9, 2008)

It seems like the less patience I have, the more DS does things that he "knows better" than to do. I think he picks up on the grouchy/impatient disconnected feelings I'm having and it is a 2-year-olds best strategy for getting your undivided attention--eventually you have to stop what you are doing and intervene, right? and your child knows that you may be angry for a couple minutes but you will recenter and be the connected loving and gentle mama she/he is missing.

Good luck mama! Keep trying. None of us are perfect.


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## AllisonK (Feb 18, 2005)

As a mom of a very wild and strong willed 2 year old I send you hugs. There are days when I don't think my patience can take any more. The thing that has helped me the most is to be busy. Always having something to do together or with her near me. Letting her have a lot of say in things and having choices really helps her to feel like she is in control.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Try some bach flower remedies. Impatiens is good for impatience.


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