# Military Moms: Sept/Oct 2010



## ~Katie~

Bring on Fall! I know it won't actually be fall-like here until November but I'm definitely ready to say goodbye to the scorching hot weather. What are everyone's plans for labor day weekend?

Speaking of low pressure systems, both of mine were born during rain storms. With #2 I was 4cm for two weeks before finally having a super quick labor. Hopefully nothing too serious with the hurricane, but what a birth story that would be!


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## gagin37

subbing!

not much new to report with us. tired of the miserable, unrelenting heat. _still_ waiting on orders about our PCS away from Pope in the spring. we were told we'd find out between March and August. Now it's September and still no word.


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## EdnaMarie

Oh, gosh Katie.

Just subbing here... DH and I are going through a really rough time, but at least we have a good group of friends.


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## MarineWife

Subbing. You've been very quiet lately, Katie. I've been wondering how you are.

We don't have any plans for the weekend yet. I finally got my new bathing suit that I ordered months ago. Just in time for summer to be over.







Anyway, I'm hoping we'll make it to the beach at least one day but will have to see what the weather is like.

I was hoping my dh might come home a day early because of the hurricane but it doesn't look like that will happen. I did hear the howitzers being shot so it was fun to tell the boys that was the sound of Daddy working. 3yo ds said it made him scared.


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## MovingMomma

We're painting the interior of the house this weekend!


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## MaerynPearl

Luckily they are shooting the howitzers on a different part of the base than they had been... so DH hears them at work but I don't hear them as much at our house unless I'm outside and listening for it!

Weather.com says the pressures not falling yet... my body says it is. lol.

That said... I'm not going to get my hopes up. Ive had so much prodromal labor already I'm sick of it!


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## MarineWife

Ugh, Mae! That's got to be frustrating if you get excited thinking you're going to meet your new baby soon and it's just not happening. If it helps, at least you know your body is warming up so she'll be coming relatively soon.


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## MarineWife

Aw,







, Katie. I feel your pain. Adjusting to someone being home and back in the family after being separated for so long is very difficult. I think you know about the issues I had with my dh when he first came home. It happens to all of us, not that that makes you feel any better when you are in the middle of it.

I think it's really hard for the deployed spouse because they live for so long without having to take care of anyone but themselves. Yeah, they have to watch their buddies' backs but it's not the same as taking care of a family and children and a home. I don't think there's much that can help except time and being aware of why this is happening and counseling if you can get it.

My 3yo is always trying to escape, too. It's hard for me because my 6yo goes out and plays with his friends and the 3yo wants to go with them but he's not old enough to be out without adult supervision. I can't lock the doors to keep him in because then my 6yo is locked out. I feel bad for my 3yo. I try to get my older ds to play in the backyard so that his little bro can play, too, but his friends don't want to do that.

I still haven't approached my dh's Chaplain yet. I'm just not comfortable with that. I know things won't be passed around but I still don't want anyone at his work to know our personal business. All the Commanders got yelled at recently because only 2 spouses showed up at a Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society class that had been scheduled. I didn't go mainly because my boys had Tae Kwon Do class but I also only heard about it the day of the class. When my dh told me his CO was mad because no one came and was like, "What did he expect?" Does anyone really feel like those programs are helpful? I know some people do use them but I don't feel comfortable using a program that may report our problem to my dh's command.


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## gagin37

awe, *big hugs* Katie. my dh is a constant flow of negativity too. he believes and expects the very worst, and can never just be happy or content. It can be really hard to live with sometimes.


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## Soul-O

Katie:







I'm so sorry that things are rough with DH right now. As MW mentioned, the cycle of emotional redeployment is probably to blame. The service person does become accustomed to self-care and having more "free time" (depending on job, FOB etc.) while deployed, so readjusting to home life and wife/kid responsibilities can be tough. Have you considered talking to your unit's MFLC, or contacting Tricare to get a referral for off-post counseling services? It seems like DH should understand why you need him to be home more at night, but perhaps a neutral third party would be able to help you both negotiate your way through this impasse.

MW: I'm not sure if the class you are describing is like the ones the Army offers through ACS (Army Community Services) that deal with redeployment challenges and other marriage or parenting issues. If it is, these classes tend to be fairly poorly attended unless the speaker comes to a regular Family Readiness Group meeting, and children are welcome. I haven't attended any of the classes myself, but my neighbor (who is a new mom) has found them helpful. I prefer to meet with my counselor one-on-one to talk about any concerns I have, in part because I like the confidentiality.

Mae: Here's to hoping that the changes in barometric pressure=cervical changes as well







. I'll be thinking of you and waiting for updates!

AFM: Came away from my OB appt today with a back brace for my sciatica and a bottle of iron supplements due to moderate anemia. OB (a very nice guy who happened to provide my care during my last m/c) also gently mentioned that I failed the depression quiz for that visit, and asked if I wanted to see someone about it. When I mentioned that my DH is STILL deployed, he chalked it up to situational difficulties and gave me some reading on prenatal depression in women with a history of pregnancy loss and/or high risk. We'll see if it helps. I feel like we're in a holding pattern for now. The boys will no longer talk to DH on Skype, and my 4 yr old told me that he doesn't want to see daddy anywhere until he's in the house. Thankfully, the older boys return from their dad's house in CA early next week just in time to start the new school year, and we start gymnastics tomorrow. Distractions are good.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
my dh is a constant flow of negativity too. he believes and expects the very worst, and can never just be happy or content. It can be really hard to live with sometimes.

I wonder if that's a military influence thing. Or maybe it's a reaction to deployment to a combat zone. When my dh and I first met and got married (before he joined the Marines) he was the positive, happy-go-lucky, easy-going one and I was the pessimist. That's one of the things that really attracted me to him. Nothing phased him. Now it's the opposite. He always has a stern, grumpy look on his face. He rarely laughs. When I make jokes he mostly just rolls his eyes. He doesn't seem to pay much attention to any of us unless he's annoyed or angry. He doesn't realize he's changed like that. I've told him many times but he says I'm wrong.

Another option is militaryonesource. They provide free counseling specific to deployment issues, which includes homecomings. That is completely confidential. They are not tied to the military or TC in any way. They can refer you to a counselor in your area or you can do phone consultations and maybe even online/chat type consultations. I think they can also arrange for counseling at night and on weekends.


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## MaerynPearl

I dont know? Maybe its just a personal thing...

my hubbys a combat veteran and is still one of the most positive thinking people I know.


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## MarineWife

Tabitha ~ If I remember correctly, the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society provides things like emergency loans and food. I believe they also are supposed to notify command if anyone uses there services because there might be serious financial problems going on. Not sure why that would be any business of anyone's command but whatever.


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## gagin37

I think for us, it's _mostly_ a personal thing, that has been really aggravated by being in the military. He can be a really fun, and funny, person, but so much of that is buried by anger and resentment and paranoia, that it takes a lot of effort to bring that back out.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Tabitha ~ If I remember correctly, the Navy/Marine Corps Relief Society provides things like emergency loans and food. I believe they also are supposed to notify command if anyone uses there services because there might be serious financial problems going on. Not sure why that would be any business of anyone's command but whatever.

Ah yes.. ACS (through a program called AER - Army Emergency Relief) provides the emergency loans and financial counseling as well, and command may be notified. I think the reason for command notification is that serious money issues may affect soldier (or marine/sailor/airman) readiness and morale. With MI units, there is the added layer of security clearances. Too much debt and/or bad credit = issues with security clearances. I would like to think that most commanders would be sensitive to these issues and mostly concerned with the soldier's best interests, but who knows..


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## ein328

Good morning!

I haven't checked in for a while- I've been super busy with work, DD, finishing up my masters', constructing this baby....

Anyway, I'm still in a knock-down, drag-out fight over my home birth. My midwife on base submitted my referral for it, the med group commander denied it. I submitted a rebuttal (per procedure), and was denied again, but was told I could apply for an "elective procedure," by which I would be allowed to have a homebirth, but would have to pay out-of-pocket.

THEN I was informed that if I had an "elective procedure," I would be denied maternity leave, because you're not allowed convalescent leave when you have an elective procedure.

This morning, though, I finally got through to patient advocacy, and found the loophole to that regulation. I am still allowed maternity leave, regardless of where I give birth and who pays for it. Anyways, now I'm back to waiting for my "elective procedure" paperwork to be approved, and am scouting out low-cost homebirth midwives and birth centers. I CANNOT afford to pay the standard going rate around here- roughly $5000.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
I think the reason for command notification is that serious money issues may affect soldier (or marine/sailor/airman) readiness and morale. With MI units, there is the added layer of security clearances. Too much debt and/or bad credit = issues with security clearances. I would like to think that most commanders would be sensitive to these issues and mostly concerned with the soldier's best interests, but who knows..

Yeah, I know the military's reasoning for having command notified. I just don't know that I agree with it. But since you basically sign your life away when you join the military, it's to be expected, at least for the ADM.


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## MaerynPearl

Awesome! They are letting hubby come home early today!









Now I can make him go out and pick up all the stuff in the yard he didn't pick up before he left that he told me he did LOL


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## MarineWife

Haha, Mae. That's nice that he gets to come home early.

I keep forgetting to ask. Did anyone else get the, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," survey? I got it, took it and returned it. It was so silly but I guess I can see why a lot of the things asked could be issues within the military community.


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Awesome! They are letting hubby come home early today!









Now I can make him go out and pick up all the stuff in the yard he didn't pick up before he left that he told me he did LOL

hope you all don't get too much bad weather from the storm!


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Haha, Mae. That's nice that he gets to come home early.

I keep forgetting to ask. Did anyone else get the, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," survey? I got it, took it and returned it. It was so silly but I guess I can see why a lot of the things asked could be issues within the military community.

Yep, I got it. I thought it was stupid. I sent it back, but all of my answers were like "don't care, don't care...don't go to X, Y, or Z anyway because the coast guard doesn't have enough money to have X, Y and Z...."

I get the issues they were getting at, especially re. on-base housing, but I'm so cynical I guess that it seems like they will use the construe the results in a way that seems to justify whatever decision they make about the law.









So apparently when Huz checked in to his duty station this last time (more than a year ago), they cancelled my dental insurance without telling me. Not his, just mine. So today I called to get info on it because I need to see a dentist, and _SURPRISE!_ no dental insurance. I swear I thought this was resolved. So now I have to wait until it restarts 10/1 to go see a dentist. What a PITA. Not the end of the world, but geez.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Haha, Mae. That's nice that he gets to come home early.

I keep forgetting to ask. Did anyone else get the, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," survey? I got it, took it and returned it. It was so silly but I guess I can see why a lot of the things asked could be issues within the military community.

Yeah, I received it, completed it, and returned it. I agree that much of it was pointless, but my DH encouraged me to complete it and add my comments at the end. Without getting too much into debatable details, my main concerns about repealing DADT are economic and societal in nature, and I feel that the military would have to change a lot from the inside out to accomodate and welcome families that fall outside of the traditional heterosexual marriage model.


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## MarineWife

I agree, Tabitha, which is why I understand the questions they asked. But I also think it's time things were changed. I think it will be difficult if the law is repealed but, hopefully, better for everyone in the long run. I thought it was important for me to fill it out and return it because my answers were all pretty much don't care or wouldn't change what I do. I think it's important to get as many of those answers into the survey.


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## MovingMomma

I didn't find the questions terribly relevant to my actual opinions. Sounds like they'll have a _lot_ of comments to sort through!


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
I didn't find the questions terribly relevant to my actual opinions.

That's a good point. I never even considered things like what I would do if a homosexual couple lived in base housing near me or attended unit functions. It wouldn't matter to me, anyway, which is probably why I never thought about it. I really don't see anything like that happening right away. I seriously doubt they'd go straight from Don't Ask, Don't Tell to giving homosexual couples all the same privileges as married couples. I assume changes would be made slowly over a continuum.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
I never even considered things like what I would do if a homosexual couple lived in base housing near me or attended unit functions.

Seriously.

What would I do? Well it depends on the couple. I would befriend them if I got along with them and treat them like I treat everyone else if I don't. *sigh*

BTW... Earls a wimp. And I give up. I'm never having this baby.

Bedtime.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 

BTW... Earls a wimp. And I give up. I'm never having this baby.

Bedtime.

LOL! My mom went to 43w when she was pregnant with my brother. She told me that the night before she finally went into labor, she went into his room, took down the crib and all other furniture, and put it all in the garage because she "wasn't ever birthing this baby!". She was holding him 12 hours later







.

Sleep tight!


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Yeah, I received it, completed it, and returned it. I agree that much of it was pointless, but my DH encouraged me to complete it and add my comments at the end. Without getting too much into debatable details, my main concerns about repealing DADT are economic and societal in nature, and I feel that the military would have to change a lot from the inside out to accomodate and welcome families that fall outside of the traditional heterosexual marriage model.


I completely agree with you. I also didn't think about the "what if a gay couple was living next to you on base" type of stuff. I honestly don't really care. If I like them and we get along, great... if not...great. Who cares? However, I completely understand the soldier's side of it: Shared bed quarters, shared showers.... I can understand why so many of them are so hesitant about it all.


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## MaerynPearl

Great birthday today. Very long and eventful. Still no baby though. Going to bed now. Just happy I got out of the house... especially with just DH... especially since that probably will not happen again for a long long time (I hate leaving my babies before they ween!)


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## ~adorkable~

Hi folks, been offline for a while.
I'm about halfway thru our cross country PCS, things are going smooth, the pack up and load out when pretty darn smooth, let's see how things look on the other end.

And we got to have our anatomy scan right before we left Ft Lewis, we are having one boy and one girl!

Sadly I also found out that the great midwife at Madigan finally got water births owed there!!!! Right when im leaving


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## MangoMommy

Popping in, haven't posted in a longtime!

Anyway, I'm a Navy wife and mama to 3. We live in Hawaii.









I'm reading but I'm not much of a poster. I just never know what to say.


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## MarineWife

Adorkable ~ A boy and a girl!














Glad the moving has gone smoothly so far. Be safe.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Great birthday today. Very long and eventful. Still no baby though. Going to bed now. Just happy I got out of the house... especially with just DH... especially since that probably will not happen again for a long long time (I hate leaving my babies before they ween!)

Happy belated birthday, Mae! I'm glad that you and DH were able to enjoy some alone time today. I know what you mean about getting out without kiddos prior to weaning.. I only do it if necessary (i.e. dental work, medical emergency). Otherwise, they go where I go!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Hi folks, been offline for a while.
I'm about halfway thru our cross country PCS, things are going smooth, the pack up and load out when pretty darn smooth, let's see how things look on the other end.

And we got to have our anatomy scan right before we left Ft Lewis, we are having one boy and one girl!

Sadly I also found out that the great midwife at Madigan finally got water births owed there!!!! Right when im leaving









Congrats Adorkable! What a blessing - a boy and a girl







.

Thanks for the heads up on the water births at Madigan. I'll ask my OB if I'm eligible at my next appointment.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
Hi folks, been offline for a while.
I'm about halfway thru our cross country PCS, things are going smooth, the pack up and load out when pretty darn smooth, let's see how things look on the other end.

And we got to have our anatomy scan right before we left Ft Lewis, we are having one boy and one girl!

Sadly I also found out that the great midwife at Madigan finally got water births owed there!!!! Right when im leaving









That is wonderful! Do you have any ideas for names yet?


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## MommaKitten21

Happy belated birthday, Mae!! Glad to hear it was a wonderful day!!


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## ~adorkable~

We have a few names but have decided to keep them to ourselves for right now.
As for the water births, can you be moved to the midwifes? I can't remember right now after 600 miles of driving what your pregnancy is currently like. Roxanne Piecik is the midwife that I love there, not 100% on that spelling. She is the one that got the water births ok'd, but I do think that all the docs can do it if they are ok with it.


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## EdnaMarie

Congrats, Adorkable!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
We have a few names but have decided to keep them to ourselves for right now.
As for the water births, can you be moved to the midwifes? I can't remember right now after 600 miles of driving what your pregnancy is currently like. Roxanne Piecik is the midwife that I love there, not 100% on that spelling. She is the one that got the water births ok'd, but I do think that all the docs can do it if they are ok with it.

LOL! I wouldn't expect you to remember







. I'm high risk due to recurrent pregnancy loss, partial previa (that seems to be moving up), and active autoimmune disorder. I don't think I'd be cleared to move to the midwives, but I can always ask!

Hope the drive is going well today. Make sure to stretch those legs regularly.


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## EdnaMarie

Hey, Soul-O, can I ask if you know anything about something like TSGLI on the economy? We are getting all our ducks in a row for the deployment and basically, if he's injured, we'll be in deeper financial dog poo than if anything else happened, even if medical expenses are supposedly paid for. Do you know anything about that?


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
Hey, Soul-O, can I ask if you know anything about something like TSGLI on the economy? We are getting all our ducks in a row for the deployment and basically, if he's injured, we'll be in deeper financial dog poo than if anything else happened, even if medical expenses are supposedly paid for. Do you know anything about that?

If you bank with USAA, I believe they have a product available for you at low cost during deployment. Otherwise, you may want to ask at JAG or ACS about reputable insurance options that can supplement what the Army offers. Being medically discharged/retired is not a financial boon, so it's good that you are planning ahead for that possibility. Good luck!


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## EdnaMarie

Thanks, I got some good advice on another thread for that. We have car insurance with USAA and checking that we don't use and we had planned on taking out an additional life policy with them, so we'll see what they have.


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## MaerynPearl

DH wants me to have Mae either tomorrow... so he has to write her birthdate as 100908... or on 9/11 because its Patriot Day

My mom wants me to have her on 9/11 because its her second-birthday (the day she found out she was in remission from breast cancer... her third-birthday/lung cancer remission is 10/11)


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## MaerynPearl

We decided having Mae tomorrow would be awesome... DH is finishing his 4 day weekend today... goes back to work tomorrow. If I have her tomorrow, then he starts his 10 days off tomorrow, goes back to work next saturday! They dont WORK on Saturdays (unless he is put on duty but hes not due for duty again until October at the soonest)

So he would end up having 16 straight days off of work and getting paid for ALL of it without losing a single day of leave that he has built up.

(at that, 17 days if you count that on Friday he didnt have to go in until 0900 and got off at 1100!)

and yes, hes been told the field op will NOT interfere with his paternity leave. While the staff nco said it would, the chief warrant officer told him no, he could still have his PTAD through the field op.


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## MarineWife

That would all be good, Mae!


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## MommaKitten21

Crossing my fingers for you, Mae!!!

I am so beyond words right now... my mom was watching the baby last night for me while I ran to the store with just ds. I gave her specific instructions to not let dd cry it out at all, and told her I left pumped milk for her just in case. Of course, I nursed her really well before we left.

When I get home, dd is asleep in my mother's arms. I smiled and my mom said "Wow, the colic is crazy!" I was confused because she hadn't said anything to me that dd was crying. She then tells me that in her desperate attempt to calm dd down... she gave her HER BOOB and tried to nurse her herself!!!

Seriously? I don't even know what I should say/do. DH is extremely pissed as well, and I just feel so ... violated and undermined. This is the same mother who tries to get my ds to call her "mama" instead of grandma. *sigh*

I need DH. I cant be around my toxic family anymore. I hate not having anyone else's help. I hate having to be so strong all the time. What person cant trust her own mother with her kids? Hopefully, the Army will pay for us to go to GA with DH. I will know by the beginning of Oct. Ughh.


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## MarineWife

Kourtney. That is really messed up. I would be very upset, too.


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## MaerynPearl

wow


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## MommaKitten21

Did you have the baby today, Mae?!?!


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## ~Katie~

I'm so sorry Kourtney







I will cross my fingers that moving to be close to DH works out, I agree that it sounds like it would be the best plan for you and I would do the same in your situation.


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## MommaKitten21

deleted... nevermind


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## MaerynPearl

I wish. I did end up with the most horrible IBS attack Ive had in over a year... laying in the tub praying it wasn't labor because I do not remember labor ever hurting that much, and knowing that I was not even dilated fully yet... could not imagine it getting any WORSE!

Then I dreamed that everyone was telling me the IBS attack was my body saying to get ready for Saturday...

In any case... Ill have her by 9/28 at the latest. As long as my blood pressure stays down (and that will be 42 weeks) that is the earliest we will do anything to try inducing labor. (outside of sex, nipple stimulation, walking, wine, lol... all those things that don't REALLY work but at least help calm me down)


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
In any case... Ill have her by 9/28 at the latest. As long as my blood pressure stays down (and that will be 42 weeks) that is the earliest we will do anything to try inducing labor. (outside of sex, nipple stimulation, walking, wine, lol... all those things that don't REALLY work but at least help calm me down)

I've been wondering why everyone was so anxious for you to have this baby now since you aren't even at your EDD yet. I've read that undisturbed pgs actually last 41w2d on average rather than 40w.


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## MaerynPearl

ive been miserable for over a month with prodromal that this whole past week and half has been painful... so basically everyone wants the labor to progress. Id be just as happy with it stopping altogether.


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## MommaKitten21

Can you ask your midwife for some herbal rec's for stuff to help you get some rest/sleep and not be so uncomfortable?


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
ive been miserable for over a month with prodromal that this whole past week and half has been painful... so basically everyone wants the labor to progress. Id be just as happy with it stopping altogether.

Oh, I see. Is prodormal the same as preterm? Do red wine and warm baths help? That's what my midwife recommended when I had contractions too soon.


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## MaerynPearl

not really like preterm, though mine did start preterm...

its more like prolonged early labor thats not actually doing anything and sometimes can get very very painful.

Ive had nights where I have contractions 3 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds and HURT. But no progression in my cervix.

Nothing gets rid of them, nothing makes them progress. I was the same with DD from about 34 weeks and had her at 39... started this at 33 or so weeks this time and am just over 39 weeks now.

I dont know what causes it other than that they think all women get it, just most dont feel it... I am VERY sensitive in that area (feel kicks early, horrible af cramps when ttc, IBS that can have me in tears)

Its weird though, if Im so sensitive... why am I able to have drug-free labors without problem? LOL Probably because I spend so long feeling like Im in labor that when it finally happens its like... meh whatever.


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## MarineWife

Ah, ok, Mae. I was wondering (again) because I thought you had said something about PTL before.

I can feel my contractions very early on, too, but they aren't painful. When I was getting the stress tests when I was pg with ds2 the nurses would look at the monitor, comment that I was having a lot of contractions and ask me if I was feeling them. When I said that I could feel them they were surprised that I wasn't in pain. With ds3 I started feeling contractions at around 12w. That's when my midwife told me to try the red wine and warm bath. That slowed them but I still felt contractions my entire pg. Unlike you, though, I find labor to be very painful. I'm the crazy lady you hear 3 blocks away cussing and screaming her head off.









I'm sure you've already tried this because it's so basic but the only thing I can think of is to drink lots of water. Keep yourself really hydrated. I've read that PTL is associated with dehydration.


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## MaerynPearl

Okay well I decided Mae cant come this Saturday although I wanted her to... because Richlands is having their Farmers Day festival and it sounds like a ton of fun and a good cause (proceeds go to a scholarship fund for kids wanting to get into agriculture and/or environmental sciences)

And there's a Pirate Fest on the 18th that DS would probably enjoy, if not DH as well

I am SO sick of being at home 24/7 at this point I'm planning on ways to get out of the house even for next weekend in case I'm still pregnant. (We have not been going out much because my SPD was so painful but its been actually getting better lately!)

OOOH! And the fair is coming up the first week of October... Is the Onslow County Fair usually any good?


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## EdnaMarie

Kourtney, that is crazy. I'm sorry.







I will pray that you get to join your husband SOON!


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## chely7425

Hey guys.. haven't posted on one of these threads in awhile but I could use some support! DH is deploying soon (his first real deployment) and it is causing some pretty big issues for us. We had decided I would come home during deployment to pay off debt and because we have 3 kids under 3 and he may deploy before the baby is born. But he had like a MAJOR freak out last month and asked for a separation and a bunch of other crap. We do have our share of issues but this deployment is just throwing everything into overdrive. We have since worked things out a bit (no more separation talk or anything) andI have started going to counseling. Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...

Yes, that is very common. My dh and I used to fight something awful right before he would deploy. For us it would even happen before he'd leave for a short field op. I think my dh stresses a lot about getting everything ready to leave while worrying about being away from his family. He's not good at expressing any of that so he just acts like a jerk.

What helped us was to recognize what it was and why it was happening and put everything out in the open. Now whenever stuff starts to come up I try to gentle remind him that he seems to be stressing.

The other thing I have learned to do is completely leave him alone when he is preparing for a field op or a deployment. I don't bug him about doing anything for me. I don't worry about him staying up until 3 am. Well, except this last time when I tried to help him fold his bug net tent. I looked the instructions up and YouTube and proceeded to follow along. The tent folded and then the supposedly unbreakable bendy poles snapped apart.


----------



## chely7425

I have to admit I am not so good at just leaving him alone... which is something I know I need to work on. I have been a bit better about it though so hopefully he will feel less stress on that end of things? I wish I was there to help him more but with his deployment dates so up in the air it wasn't really possible for me to stay down there much longer...


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
I have to admit I am not so good at just leaving him alone... which is something I know I need to work on. I have been a bit better about it though so hopefully he will feel less stress on that end of things? I wish I was there to help him more but with his deployment dates so up in the air it wasn't really possible for me to stay down there much longer...

Sometimes I'm better at leaving my dh alone than others. Recently, I've been getting annoyed with him for setting all of his stuff up in the living room and then getting mad at the kids when they come barreling through. Um...if you don't want your stuff trampled, don't put it in the middle of the living room floor.







I notice I am better at leaving him alone if he lets me know ahead of time that he's going to be busy one night or one weekend. I get really upset if I think we're going to be able to hang out and he goes off by himself to make sure he has all of his gear.

I didn't realize you were already gone. Maybe that will make things easier for him. He knows that you are safe and settled now so he can totally focus on the mission at hand.


----------



## chely7425

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Sometimes I'm better at leaving my dh alone than others. Recently, I've been getting annoyed with him for setting all of his stuff up in the living room and then getting mad at the kids when they come barreling through. Um...if you don't want your stuff trampled, don't put it in the middle of the living room floor.







I notice I am better at leaving him alone if he lets me know ahead of time that he's going to be busy one night or one weekend. I get really upset if I think we're going to be able to hang out and he goes off by himself to make sure he has all of his gear.

I didn't realize you were already gone. Maybe that will make things easier for him. He knows that you are safe and settled now so he can totally focus on the mission at hand.

I hope it will make things easier for him... though I think in some ways it is harder because he has to like, feed himself and do his own laundry!! Oh well, I know we can work through this. My DH does the same thing with his gear though, puts it in the middle of the living room floor then gets annoyed when the kids touch it! They are 1 and 2... I am not sure what he thinks is going to happen!! Anyway, I am going to counseling and a few books have been recommended to me so hopefully it helps!!


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## MaerynPearl

Sometimes I swear the military has cameras set up in our house to see the special nights when DH can NOT be late from work without upsetting me... and make those the nights he stays late.

Yesterday would have been fine. Tonight? I made him lemon poppyseed muffins (his fav) to make up for all the sleep hes been missing out on when I wake up with contractions (I try not to wake him but hes so worried he is sleeping on alert lately) and I was hoping he would get home while they were still warm. Then, as soon as I pull them out, he texts me that hes going to be late tonight!


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## MommaKitten21

Rachel.... I could have written your post to some degree a few months ago. I definitely think being near the end of pregnancy makes it much, much worse as well (I was days away from giving birth when DH left for training) I was completely neurotic at times









We also fought a LOT before he left. I remember thinking how crazy we must be for fighting, until others admitted they do it to. It's pretty normal during the withdrawal process.


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## MaerynPearl

Woo burst of energy

And the thought that a 9/11 baby would be so suiting for her daddy...


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## chely7425

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Rachel.... I could have written your post to some degree a few months ago. I definitely think being near the end of pregnancy makes it much, much worse as well (I was days away from giving birth when DH left for training) I was completely neurotic at times









We also fought a LOT before he left. I remember thinking how crazy we must be for fighting, until others admitted they do it to. It's pretty normal during the withdrawal process.

I'm glad it isn't just us... I REALLY hope his command approves a week of leave for him this month so we can see him again before he deploys... otherwise we won't see him till RnR!!


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## MommaKitten21

All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually









I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.


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## gagin37

Good luck with your trip!


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## MarineWife

Kourtney ~ Good luck and have a safe trip.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Going to completely surprise him actually


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually









I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.

Good luck and safe travels! Do you have a military i.d. for yourself yet? If not, I suggest you go to the ID card office on post on Monday and get one - it will make life easier for all of you.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Woo burst of energy

And the thought that a 9/11 baby would be so suiting for her daddy...

The day is young, Mae







. I'll be thinking of you.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
All right, ladies!!!

As of tomorrow morning.... I will be on my way driving 18 hours with both kids (Lord, help me!) to visit my soldier!

Going to completely surprise him actually









I wish it were under better circumstances, but whatever... a chance to see him is a chance to see him.

Please just keep us in your thoughts!!! I am crossing my fingers for things to go smoothly, and for things to work out on his end.

You're in my prayers.


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## MaerynPearl

Today we went to the Beirut/Vietnam memorial... they have a WTC beam there. Brought back a lot of memories of the day...

DH and I then explained 9/11, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and why DH and BIL had to go over there, and my brother will be going next year), the Beirut bombing and the Vietnam war to the kids.

And for the first time, the kids were told about how DH had been shot at in Iraq...

They handled it very well... and were very respectful the entire time at the memorial. I'm so proud of them.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
Hey guys.. haven't posted on one of these threads in awhile but I could use some support! DH is deploying soon (his first real deployment) and it is causing some pretty big issues for us. We had decided I would come home during deployment to pay off debt and because we have 3 kids under 3 and he may deploy before the baby is born. But he had like a MAJOR freak out last month and asked for a separation and a bunch of other crap. We do have our share of issues but this deployment is just throwing everything into overdrive. We have since worked things out a bit (no more separation talk or anything) andI have started going to counseling. Anyway, I have heard that it is pretty normal for couples to have problems before the guys leave and that withdrawing emotionally is pretty common. Not sure what I am looking for... just some people who have BTDT maybe...

Rachel, I'm sorry you're going through this. You need to come hang out with us more often!

Anyway, I'm just checking in and subbing. For some reason, I never get the notifications from my subscribed threads at this forum, so I forget about them.

I have been so busy lately and I'm happy to say, that our homecoming is close. Very close!! I can't believe it's almost been a year. I can't believe I survived another one.


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## chely7425

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Rachel, I'm sorry you're going through this. You need to come hang out with us more often!

Anyway, I'm just checking in and subbing. For some reason, I never get the notifications from my subscribed threads at this forum, so I forget about them.

I have been so busy lately and I'm happy to say, that our homecoming is close. Very close!! I can't believe it's almost been a year. I can't believe I survived another one.

I know I need to come see you guys more







I am hoping to come to the diaper part Wednesday but I need to see if my mom can watch the kids since its bedtime and all...

I don't know what is going on again. He is back to being not sure what he wants, apparently I expect too much of him because I want him to call us more than once or twice a week. Whatever, if he wants to be left alone I will leave him alone. I just hope he realizes what he is going to lose before he actually loses it.


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## MaerynPearl

DH finally, tonight, found out the plan for the field op. Thanks people, Im nearly 40 weeks pregnant, waiting until now to decide has TOTALLY helped me.









Anyway, they are making him go out to the field tomorrow to help set everything up, but will be bringing him back tomorrow night so he can come home... then he will be back at his normal job all week until Friday. If hes still around Friday he will be helping clean up and come back... but otherwise he will NOT be gone 24/7 this week.


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## MarineWife

Mae ~ That's great news!

Rachel ~ I'm curious. Why are you the one who needs counseling? Or are you both going to get counseling, just separately since you are going to be separated?


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## chely7425

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Rachel ~ I'm curious. Why are you the one who needs counseling? Or are you both going to get counseling, just separately since you are going to be separated?

Well, with him deploying we can't go to counseling together... though when he gets back I think we need to provided he decides to pull his head out of his butt. But there are also a lot of issues that are MY issues that are affecting our relationship... things thatI know I need to work on regardless. Plus, I think counseling will help me work through everything that is going on.


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## MommaKitten21

So we made it safely to Ft. Sill... of course, it was quite the adventure, but honestly went much smoother then I thought it would.

I have my military id... I remember how annoying it was when DH was in before, and we were dating. Trying to get me on base was always a PITA since we weren't married! Glad we are now! ha.

Rachel- I hope things work out for you!! Counseling can be sooo helpful, even if it is just you going right now. It takes a special person to admit they have issues to work on and not always blaming their spouse... I am sure it will all work out in the end!!

Mae- that's great the kids took everything so well. Sounds like you guys had a great family day at the memorial. My brother and his fiance took off to the plane crash site in PA to visit. They said it was flooded with people all throuhgout the day.


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## chely7425

Glad you made it ok Kourt!

And thanks for the encouragement







I am hoping that by me taking steps to work on MY issues he will see that I am seriously trying to change things... ya know?


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
Well, with him deploying we can't go to counseling together... though when he gets back I think we need to provided he decides to pull his head out of his butt. But there are also a lot of issues that are MY issues that are affecting our relationship... things thatI know I need to work on regardless. Plus, I think counseling will help me work through everything that is going on.

Ok, I just didn't want you to be the one being blamed for everything. I go to counseling on my own because I have my own issues. Individual counseling is definitely helpful regardless of what the other partner does. My dh came a handful of times when he could. It was difficult because he was gone so much. However, I got fed up with his excuses when he was home that he couldn't get away from work. I think it's a bunch of BS that over the course of several weeks he never had 2 minutes to make a phone call. If needed, he could have excused himself to the bathroom and sneaked off somewhere.

In order to try to get him to understand how serious the situation is, I told him last week that if he didn't call the counseling center on base to arrange for marriage counseling for us, I was leaving. I needed him to show me that our marriage and family is at least as important to him as his career advancement. Amazingly, after that he didn't seem to have any trouble finding the time to make that call.







He's supposed to go to the counseling center today to make that appointment.

Kourtney ~ Glad you made it and the trip wasn't bad. Have you been to Ft. Sill before? That's where my dh was from January-July this year. We also lived there for 2 or 3 months while he was doing his artillery MOS training.


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## Alohamelly

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
I know I need to come see you guys more







I am hoping to come to the diaper part Wednesday but I need to see if my mom can watch the kids since its bedtime and all...

I don't know what is going on again. He is back to being not sure what he wants, apparently I expect too much of him because I want him to call us more than once or twice a week. Whatever, if he wants to be left alone I will leave him alone. I just hope he realizes what he is going to lose before he actually loses it.

I am so glad you're coming!









Hopefully your husband comes around. This is his first deployment, right? I can't remember. Maybe he is really worried about going over. Think he could be pushing you away due to being scared? I've heard of that happening.


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## chely7425

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
I am so glad you're coming!









Hopefully your husband comes around. This is his first deployment, right? I can't remember. Maybe he is really worried about going over. Think he could be pushing you away due to being scared? I've heard of that happening.

I'm glad I'm coming too! This is his first "real" deployment.. the last one he was only gone for 2.5 months and was in the S3 shop the whole time. I hope that is the main cause of this... that seems to be the general opinion of most of my friends husbands who are also military. He knows that I love him and want to be with him and that I'm not going anywhere so hopefully he comes around.


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## MarineWife

My dh becomes very detached when he's getting ready for a deployment. I think it's something that they have to do mentally so that they can leave without losing it. I know that I could not leave my family/children to go somewhere that I might die and never see them again. I'd go AWOL first. But, then, that's why I'm not the ADM.







I think I do it, too, to a certain extent. I don't usually have an emotional reaction to dh leaving until about 3 days after he's gone. Denial or detachment or something happens to me in the beginning.


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## ~adorkable~

Can you ladies help point me to maternity leave info for my Army DH for when our babies come? How much time does he get off? Does the FMLA apply to military? Someone mentioned to us a few days ago he will get only 10 days total, not even 10 work days, this sounds crazy? I know he can take extra leave as well, but I just want to make sure we get every once ofctime we deserve.


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## MarineWife

10 days is all my dh got with both of our boys.


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## MaerynPearl

Its all my DH is getting.

Luckily they changed it sometime in the last few years that it does not count against the leave he already has built up though... so by Christmas we may be able to get back home! If they charged him the 10 days... we would have no hope of that... since he had to take 17 days for our wedding and move (DH says more than 14 is nearly unheard of but luckily they approved it since it was for both wedding and moving cross country)


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## MarineWife

Do you guys know anything about the new Military & Family Life Consultant Program? It was given to my dh as one of our options for marriage counseling but I don't know about it. I don't need, nor do I want, a life consultant. The pamphlet says it provides short-term, situational counseling. The other option is the marriage/family counseling offered at the counseling center on the base. That seems more like what we need but I don't really know. How do you tell if problems are short-term and situational vs. something more?


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## MarineWife

All right, Mae, time to start those squats and jumping jacks.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
How do you tell if problems are short-term and situational vs. something more?

uh... try the short term and if it brings up that its something more then its not short term? ... I have NO clue but that is what I would do... just in case its due to the whole being separated for so long...


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## Soul-O

MW - The main attraction of the MFLC program is that it is completely "off the books" - no record of your visits is kept. I would try it out as Mae suggests - could be that your issues are worked out with short term counseling, or it could be that you will need something more intensive. Either way, good luck with this, and kudos to both of you for taking action.

ETA - DH came home last night. He's already made breakfast and coffee, and is currently fashioning a marble maze for the two little guys. Life is good







.


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## justKate

Hi everybody. Following along but not much to say here.

Yesterday we got the list of billets/assignments that will be open for Huz to make his dream sheet. Not sure if this is the proper terminology, but given the program he's in, there are like 14 jobs, one of which he'll end up in. About half of them will be filled in jan/feb and the other half will be filled in may (when Huz will be assigned). The choices SUCK. Ugh.

Enough of that!

*Mae*, happy, speedy birthing vibes coming your way!


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:

It was given to my dh as one of our options for marriage counseling but I don't know about it. I don't need, nor do I want, a life consultant. The pamphlet says it provides short-term, situational counseling. The other option is the marriage/family counseling offered at the counseling center on the base. That seems more like what we need but I don't really know. How do you tell if problems are short-term and situational vs. something more?
They aren't life consultants in that way. THey are basically family counselors.

They are a temporary solution, but I think they are a great START especially because they don't even take your names. So your DH can go in with 100% confidence that this will not show up ANYWHERE. He doesn't have to take his ID with him into the room if he doesn't want. You know? For me, because of my relationship with DH, and because I don't want squabbles or divorce to show up on my medical record as "mental health problems" (even if I do have them... nobody's business LOL!), it was my first choice.

And it's just so great to talk to someone.

So I highly recommend it. Plus they rotate so that they don't get to know anyone too well. I luuuurve that. I think it's a great program.

They can then tell you, as professionals, if you need something more and you can decide what to do, without your DH worrying about having that on his medical record.


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## MarineWife

I don't think my dh is worried about anything being on his medical record. He hasn't said anything about that but I will ask him. I'm the one who's more worried about people in his unit knowing about our problems but that's because (contrary to how it seems on here







) I'm a very private person not because I'm worried about it going on anyone's permanent record.

I don't think going to the counseling center automatically goes on anyone's medical record, does it? They just keep general records and maybe report to command if they think there is a serious problem. If having things go on anyone's permanent record is that much of an issue, we can always go to a civilian provider with me as the primary patient. TC Standard does not disclose my medical records to anyone in the military. I would much prefer seeing someone we could establish a relationship with rather than seeing random people here and there.


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## Maine Mama Doula

Lurking, subbing, thinking of joining the Navy...


----------



## MarineWife

Nina. I'm running into you everywhere on here.









For those who may be interested, I called the counseling services office here and was told that both they and the MFLC offer the same types of counseling services. The only difference is that, like has been said, the MFLC is short-term and they do not keep any records. The turn-around for counselors is every 45 days. That means you'd see a new person every 45 days and have to start all over. I guess they assume no one would use that program that long.

While the counseling center keeps records it's for their own puposes. They do not report anything to anyone or give their records to anyone. Those records do not go into anyone's medical or personnel file. They are, like anyone else, mandatory reporters of abuse or homicidal/suicidal risks.

On another note, I really don't understand why the military operates the way it does. I do understand why various people need to keep track of certain aspects of the ADMs personal lives as they pertain to their jobs. But, I really don't understand why they are expected to get involved with really personal issues that have nothing to do with anyone's service, especially when it's nothing but accusation and innuendo. It's all very strange to me.


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## ~Katie~

The breaking news of the day is that Andrew has been transfered. We'll no longer be going to Syracuse, we don't really know why yet. This new unit is in Albany. He finally spoke to someone on Monday from the Syracuse unit who said they couldn't give him orders until next summer and they would only last for three months, he flat out told them that wouldn't work. This new unit is an aviation unit, so similar to what he does now, I think that may have something to do with the switch because they must have had a slot open for him. I'm still waiting to hear more about it.


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 







Lurking, subbing, thinking of joining the Navy...

Do you realize how much sailors are away from home and family? It's a lot more than the regular 6 month deployments that happen every 2 years or whatever it is. You will be gone more than you will be home.


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## gagin37

It looks like we won't be going overseas next year, which is a big relief to me. Yesterday was apparently the last day for overseas assignments to be given out, and dh didn't get one. Honestly, I am soo, sooooo glad. I don't feel like it would have been a good move for us right now. Now if they would just tell us where we'll be moving stateside.
dh has been on remedial PT for 2 months now, and they've finally scheduled his test for next week. We feel pretty confident that he will pass. He'd be looking at a general discharge if he failed. He's done really well changing his diet and he's had to go to PT 6 days a week (it has really killed our weekends). He had failed the tape measure and the running time. He passed his practice test last weekend by a pretty good margin. Maybe he'll finally be able to take some time off after this. We were supposed to take a vacation when he got home from his training in TX back in June, but weren't able to because of one thing or another at work, then the PT failure. We haven't gone anywhere as a family since Christmas, that was also the last time he got to take any leave. We're both desperate to take some time off.


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## Maine Mama Doula

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 







Nina. I'm running into you everywhere on here.









I promise that I'm not stalking you









Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Do you realize how much sailors are away from home and family? It's a lot more than the regular 6 month deployments that happen every 2 years or whatever it is. You will be gone more than you will be home.

Other than deployments, it can't be any worse than the 12 hour days I was gone while working in research. I got to see my kids for an hour a day, sometimes. My youngest will be 2 when/if I sign up and it will be as an officer. DH and I have been talking a lot and I am just the better breadwinner and he is the better homemaker.







I know our family dynamics are unusual.


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## justKate

Katie, I hope you have more info soon. It must be really stressful not knowing what is coming next.









Anyone have any thoughts on/experiences in Yorktown, VA, Everett, WA, or Alameda, CA? Or Kodiak, AK...DH says it's considered an OCONUS move _and_ a critical housing area for BAH (possible geo-bachelor) purposes. Are there any benefits to that?

As you can tell I'm getting anxious for an assignment, even though it probably won't come until after Christmas. My understanding is that the Army and other branches get their assigments a little further ahead of their moves than the CG. Is that right? We'll get an assignment in January (probably) and be moving in May.

Nina, I worked with a bunch of Navy DCOs for a while, and while their lives/schedules seemed more normal than some that I've seen, there was some pressure to seek out deployments for advancement/experience/respect purposes, especially if you had no prior military experience. Are you thinking OCS or direct-commission?


----------



## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 
Other than deployments, it can't be any worse than the 12 hour days I was gone while working in research. I got to see my kids for an hour a day, sometimes. My youngest will be 2 when/if I sign up and it will be as an officer. DH and I have been talking a lot and I am just the better breadwinner and he is the better homemaker.







I know our family dynamics are unusual.

Don't be too sure. It's not the same as just working long hours but being able to come home at night and kiss your babies goodnight and being home on weekends. It's being completely gone, away, out of touch for a week here, a month there, continuously.

For example, most recently my dh was deployed from May-December 2009. He was home for exactly 4 weeks part of December 2009 and January 2010. He then went to a different state that's a 4 day drive away from mid-January to mid-July. He was home for about a month and as soon as he checked in with his new unit he had to go on a field op for 2 weeks. He was home for a week and then in the field again for 4 days. He's home now for about 4 weeks then he'll be gone again for 2 weeks. When he comes home from that in mid-October, he'll be home again for maybe another month and then gone for a month mid-November to mid-December.

That's the Marine Coprs, not the Navy, but I told my dh he could join any branch except the Navy because they are gone the most. It may not be exactly the same in the Navy but it's very similar. I knew a lot of sailors when I lived in VA Beach and I saw how often they had to go out. I also see some sailors within the Marine Corps and it's the same thing. Of course, it does also depend somewhat on your military occupation and your current unit but that's the general gist of it.

Believe me when I tell you that until you live it, you can't possibly have any idea how much time you will actually be gone or what it's like. There is no comparison. You don't have a choice. You can't just quit if you don't feel like leaving again or working another long day. And being an officer doesn't make much difference with that. My dh is an officer and while he does get some perks, he works much longer hours most days than most of his enlisted guys.

Although it probably sounds like it, I am really not trying to discourage you. I'm just trying to give you a realistic idea of what the life is like. I think it's hard enough for fathers to leave their children time and time again. I know my dh, who loves being a Marine, struggles daily now with the amount of time he's been away from his kids. I can't even begin to imagine how mothers do it. That's just my perspective, though. There are some ADM moms on here. Maybe they'll offer up a different perspective.

ETA: I don't think there's anything strange with you being the primary or sole breadwinner and your dh being the SAHP. I'd say the same thing to a father thinking of joining the military (Navy especially), especially in a time of war. I don't think it matters who works and who doesn't. I do think that, in general, it can be much more difficult for the family when the mother is gone, out of touch, away for a majority of the time.


----------



## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 







Lurking, subbing, thinking of joining the Navy...


Quote:

Other than deployments, it can't be any worse than the 12 hour days I was gone while working in research.
Oh gosh.

Yes it can. Imagine your sergeant or whatever they have in the Navy calling you at eight p.m. on a Saturday at the very moment you're tucking your babies in (you have the phone on because you have to--that's your job) and telling you you need to be there Sunday morning.

And you had promised the kids the zoo.

They even picked out outfits for it.

Your kids waiting, waiting, waiting for you as you sit there while some blabbermouth talks on and on or punishes you all for something you didn't do... and for whatever reason, DH can't pick them up, and you can't either.

As in, cannot. You'll be AWOL. You just can. not. Someone else has to.

And this happens not once a year, not twice, but monthly or more.

Even if you're an officer.

My friend's husband is a sergeant. He's had duty every four day weekend this year. EVERY. Four day weekend. As well as every weekend.

True, that's the army, but it's also the military.

My husband chose to join rather than face a harsh job environment in 2008 and possible homelessness or me leaving our new baby at home. It has been so hard.

Quote:

It's a lot more than the regular 6 month deployments that happen every 2 years or whatever it is.
Army is every other year for at least one year. Plus, in my husband's unit, 30% of "at home" time is spent training for two weeks or more completely away from family (different town, etc.).

Quote:

DH and I have been talking a lot and I am just the better breadwinner and he is the better homemaker.
If your DH will SAH, then I think it's possible. But be ready to have your entire life changed 100%. I've done a lot in my life and nothing's been as pervasive in my life as this has, and I'm not even the soldier.


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## gagin37

when my fil was in the Navy, my mil told me they went months without contact, without even knowing where he was when he was at sea. Fil was on a submarine. Same with my grandfather, he was on an icebreaker in the antarctic and was gone for months and months at a time with almost no contact back home (granted that was in the 50's).


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## Maine Mama Doula

Thanks for all the advice. I'm giving myself about 6 months to figure it out. I need some time to think and get in shape. I'm going to research some more of the things you all have mentioned and I'm looking for those moms working in the military.

ETA: I'd be looking into either physician/nurse or becoming a pilot. I know they're two extremes, but I have a B.S. in Biology, finishing my masters in public health, and I'm finding that I'm not that interested in the health field after all of that. That's why I am considering such a drastic change. I can't make ends meet in the civil world and I hate the work anyway. Something has to change for us to even stand a chance.


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 
Thanks for all the advice. I'm giving myself about 6 months to figure it out. I need some time to think and get in shape. I'm going to research some more of the things you all have mentioned and I'm looking for those moms working in the military.

ETA: I'd be looking into either physician/nurse or becoming a pilot. I know they're two extremes, but I have a B.S. in Biology, finishing my masters in public health, and I'm finding that I'm not that interested in the health field after all of that. That's why I am considering such a drastic change. I can't make ends meet in the civil world and I hate the work anyway. Something has to change for us to even stand a chance.

How about a flight nurse? Or Public Health Service--Huz has worked with PHS folks--basically, they wear the uniform of whatever branch they are assigned to work with.

You also might consider the Coast Guard. It's DHS rather than Dept. o'Defense, but you get _most_ of the perks the military has to offer, but with somewhat fewer deployments.


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## EdnaMarie

Hey, yeah, the military has a lot of overseas assignments, they'll relocate you, for civilians in medicine.


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## MaerynPearl

I second Coast Guard!

DHs family is all military as is mine and the one who is Coast Guard seems to have it best by way of how often he is home to see the kids. Still moreso than a tough full-time job... but not anywhere near as bad as DH and my goodness, his cousin who is in the Navy... forget about it! He just saw his son and wife for the first time in over a year and half last week.


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## ~Katie~

Back to limbo land. This new unit doesn't want him because they're "building a team" and he's an outsider I guess? He's technically not in any unit now, but will still go back to Syracuse I think. I can't remember what they're calling his situation but all I can say is that it sucks.

Claire - Good luck to your DH on his PT test!


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## southernmommie

I just found this thread today and wanted to comment on the poster that is thinking of joining the military.

My DH is Navy. Aviation. He works anywhere from a normal 12 hour day to 18 hour days. And the ship that his command is attached to goes out for 7-9 months every year the last 4 years and is going out again next year. (We'll be shore duty and won't be going with the ship that time.) But has been gone since the ship has come home. Our command has been gone for a month back for 2 weeks. Gone now for 4 weeks back for 2. Leaves again for another 30 days and will be back for the holidays and then goes out with the ship next year for their 9 month deployment. Thank GOD he'll be shore duty by then. But we'll still have the long hours. A 12 hour day is a good day for us.


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## MangoMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 
Thanks for all the advice. I'm giving myself about 6 months to figure it out. I need some time to think and get in shape. I'm going to research some more of the things you all have mentioned and I'm looking for those moms working in the military.

ETA: I'd be looking into either physician/nurse or becoming a pilot. I know they're two extremes, but I have a B.S. in Biology, finishing my masters in public health, and I'm finding that I'm not that interested in the health field after all of that. That's why I am considering such a drastic change. I can't make ends meet in the civil world and I hate the work anyway. Something has to change for us to even stand a chance.

We enjoy the Navy and everything it has brought us. Do I like when he deploys? No. But the trade-off is the medical, the travel, the way of life. I've been a Navy wife for over 15 yrs and have lived in some pretty awesome places (Italy, Hawaii, Maine, Florida,etc) At least now technology is such that you can email/call/skype more often and stay in touch that way.

DH is a career counselor for enlisted and he loves his job.

DH has gone on 6 6-7 mo deployments plus the work-ups inbetween. But at least in the Navy you generally do shore/sea rotations, so after a few years (3-5) of sea you rotate to shore where you are normally home or on shift work. We are on a shore duty billet now here in HI and it is great. He works a regular day (which about a 10 hr day), only has duty once a month and weekends off.

Good luck in your decision! My DH retires in a few years...and then at the end is the retirement pay.


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## MaerynPearl

Cant help but think Maes waiting on her military orders.

Explains why shes still not here.









ETA told DH that so he posted on facebook

Quote:

At this point, Mae is probably waiting for us to give her birth deployment orders. She's really taking "Hurry up and wait" to heart.


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## ~Katie~

I feel like we've received more information this week than we have over months and months of trying to get answers out of people.

DH got in contact with somebody new not associated with either of his units. He was given information on how to get out of the NG and go on active duty instead. We both think that he's at a key point for his NG unit to release him because he's in limbo and not taking up a position with them anymore. He also has the opportunity to take up a captain's slot with his unit here should he stay for the next deployment, and he would get promoted on schedule this winter instead of having to wait with the NG.

So I think that he's going to complete the paperwork requesting to go active duty, and hopefully they will let him go. I think it's the best option at this point. He's asking his branch manager what slots are open elsewhere for him, and given his job, he can go pretty much anywhere. He may still choose to stay here and then move after this next deployment.

So if you can cross your fingers and send positive thoughts, I would appreciate it


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## gagin37

I hope it works out Katie. All the maybes and not knowing are always stressful for me, hopefully you all will be able to get out of the limbo soon!


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ I hope it works out for you guys. Dealing with the NG (or at least that one unit) sounds like a mess. AD sounds like it would at least be more consistent and stable.








Mae. After all that anticipation that she might come early and there she is still hanging out all comfy and cozy. Psyche! I hope you're not having too hard of a time with it.

I hadn't sat down and figured out how many hours a day my dh worked until we started discussing it here. He's away from home at work for about 12-13 hours every day. He's basically home long enough to eat, sleep and get ready for the next day. It's been causing a lot of problems for us lately. I know it's not his fault but I feel totally neglected and ignored and discounted. I've always been able to count on him to take care of me and he's just not home enough to do that anymore.









Since he's a CO now he doesn't have duty (that I know of) but he is on call all the time. He has to have his phone on and with him 24/7/365. He has gotten after-hours calls on average 3 or 4 times a week. Luckily, he hasn't had to go back to work yet but I'm sure he will eventually. He got a crazy call from a spouse the other night right after he got home and just as we were trying to head out to dinner. No matter what he said she would not let him off the phone until she heard our youngest screaming in the background even though there was nothing he could do for her at 7:30 at night.

We actually discussed him getting out and doing something else last night. I know he won't and I wouldn't really ask him to, but he was trying to use his job as a reason to not have another baby. I told him that if being away from the kids was that difficult for and that important to him and the only reason for not wanting another baby, then he would/should get out. He has a choice. If he chooses to stay in, then he just has to deal with the hardships. Isn't that what we spouses are told all the time? It sucks but you gotta suck it up and deal.

On a good note, 3yo ds is getting more consistent about using the potty.


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## MaerynPearl

Woo hoo Katie good luck and hope you guys are completely out of limbo soon, glad you are finally catching a glimpse of the other side!

Yeah, my DH works 10 hours on days he gets off early... and 12+ most days (sometimes even over 16, on late days)

He also gets calls at all times of the day but hes in charge of some guys that I would have to say are not the... I'm not sure the best way to say it so I guess Ill just say... are not the best guys to be in charge of. For various reasons. Including because one thinks 4am on a Sunday morning is an appropriate time to call and ask what time they have to be in on Monday. Dude... seriously...


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## MommaKitten21

Made it back home to Ohio safely .... of course, left my heart back with the hubby... but the trip went well.

An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!!







He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Katie- I hope things work out!!! I am thinking of your family! Sounds like active duty will be the best thing!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha

Speaking of pt... whoever's hubby (sorry, I had too much to read to catch up on I forgot!) I'm thinking of you guys too!! DH is one big guy, and constantly being taped... I know the cloud that comes with that. However, finally are in the clear in regards to that. He never had remedial pt.... just constantly borderline to not making tape! It was a frustrating time for both of us.

MW- that's kinda crummy about the 45 days turnover thing. I would hate having to start over every time. However, maybe it would be a good thing to try, and see what the first 45 days brought... especially since it's completely off the radar.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
An awesome thing that happened though was since DH left, I haven't been able to find my wedding ring! I have avoided telling DH out of fear he will be upset and sad. Well, when we were in the car, he was holding my hand and asked where my ring was. So I told her I haven't been able to find it and I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want him to be upset. He then reached into his wallet and he had it!!!







He told me he was heartbroken because I hadn't said anything, so he took it as I didn't notice it was gone/missing!! He said he found it under the driver seat of our van. I'm so relieved to have it back!!

Mae- perhaps it's time for some pt for you!??! Maybe that will help! ha

First... awwwwwww and argh lol (but not a mean argh just a frustrated one) because that is so sweeeeeet but I can totally see my DH doing the same thing to me and me just sitting here bawling because I lost that gorgeous ring he picked out... I would actually do the same if I lost his dog tags that I wear 24/7 or the bracelet he made me while in Iraq that I wear 24/7 as well... along with my ring that is my everyday jewelry and it never comes off.

As for PT... I have been doing EVERYTHING within my physical capabilities to get this child out of me. As much as sex is enjoyable, its doing nothing. As much as walking at least keeps my mind off of it (until a total stranger asks how close I am to my due date and I tell them it was five days ago...) its also doing nothing.

Broke down last night because (and I know its stupid to be jealous over this) DHs cousin out in Cali had her son. She has had a great pregnancy without any problems and isn't even due until the 26th (they were planning on inducing her then). And here I sit, still with my SPD and prodromal labor... with swollen feet and rising blood pressure and the fear that its going to turn into something more than just slightly elevated blood pressure (that is most likely caused by my anxiety as it is) and not only will I not get my homebirth (Id be sad but not heartbroken) but I will end up induced, have problems and end up with a c-section. Which I am terrified of. Surgery and I do not get along.


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## MarineWife

Ah, using a tape measure to determine fitness. Don't even get me started! That is one the most inaccurate ways to determine a person's overall health and fitness. My dh and I got into an argument over that. While he agrees that the way the military determines fitness is grossly inaccurate, he won't even think about doing anything to change it. He told me I could do the research and write a paper on it to submit to the DoD. Yeah, right. By the time I had the time to get that finished, they will have probably made the changes.








, Mae. Does your MW have any ideas for lowering your bp and getting that baby moving? If you're not at 41w yet, you're technically not even at your real due date. I know that probably doesn't help, especially with the high bp and pain that you are in, but maybe it could relieve some stress if you are worrying that your baby is now overdue.

FWIW, I was induced at 41w with my 2nd after having a VBAC with my 1st. I did not need a 2nd c-section. He was born vaginally. If you would be going to the NHCL, you are more likely to get less intervention if you (or your dh or MW or doula) stands up for it than if you go to the civilian hospital.

I'm sorry. I'm probably not helping. I wish there were something I could do for you.

MK ~ Glad your drive back went well and you enjoyed seeing your dh and got your wedding ring back. I have to admit I would be angry if my dh did that to me but then I also would have told my dh immediately if I had lost mine. My dh puts his ring on his watchband when he's at work and a lot of times forgets to put it back on his finger when he's home. I don't usually give him a hard time about it because I'm sure it's a pita to remember to constantly switch it back and forth. However, when he was on leave for a month and halfway through still hadn't put his ring back on, I said something. Most people don't look on a watchband for a wedding ring so most people would look at him and assume he wasn't married. I'm not a jealous person but I do think my dh should wear his ring at all times to show that he is proud to be married. KWIM?


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## ~Katie~

Thanks everyone. I think this is the only option right now, as well. There isn't a way to get completely out, and he wants more experience before going to look for a civilian job. I can understand that, as much as I hate deployments and having my kid's equilibrium thrown off and everything else. Worst case scenario is that the NG won't let him go active duty and he'll have to find a civilian job anyway.

PT - Mine is working at PT as well. He goes through periods of doing really well at his run and not so well. He almost always fails tapings because he's huge (in a muscular sense) and has a really thick neck. Losing weight for him means losing muscle, although he could probably lose a bit around his mid-section.


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## MarineWife

Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.


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## MaerynPearl

I'm not worried about her being overdue (wont worry about that until 42 weeks) just worried about having to spend another week and half in this much pain with no relief. Worried that my body may have forgotten how to birth a baby since I have been having contractions for 10 weeks, painful regular contractions for 3 weeks... and my cervix is still high and closed.

We are keeping my blood pressure down by watching what I eat (lots more protein!), staying hydrated and drinking dandelion and nettle teas. Im not doing the best on hydration the past couple days but making up for it now.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Katie ~ Will your dh have to extend his commission if he goes AD? My dh had to do that a few times in order to deploy with a particular unit. His commission would have been up in the middle of the deployment so he'd have to sign for another 4 months or whatever so that he could go. He was going to stay in anyway so it wasn't a problem.

I asked that question when he first told me about it and he said he isn't sure how it would work. He's supposed to be done with the NG in summer 2014, I'm not sure if/how that would transfer over to AD. If he stays with this unit, they'll return from deployment in summer 2012, so that wouldn't influence his current commission. I think there's a lot in his favor to go active duty so we'll see what happens, he has to look at all of his options.


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## ~Katie~

I'm sorry, MP







Is there any chance you can go to a chiropractor? Prolonged prodromal labor is often a sign of malpositioning, even if your midwife is experienced with palpation something could be off with how her head is positioned. I started having prodromal with my DD at 35 weeks, her head was ascynclical and I had constant pain and pressure on my right hip. Both of my children have been poorly positioned and preferred to be slightly posterior and turned to my left side. I did receive chiropractic care with my DD, sometimes I wonder if it had to do with my anatomy as well.

I'm hoping you have relief soon and she arrives quickly!


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## MarineWife

That's sort of what I thought, Mae.







Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.

Oh, chiropractic is a good idea, Katie. It also made me think about acupuncture. There is an acupuncturist in Jacksonville who says she's experienced with turning babies and had offered to come to my labor to help with pain reduction. Maybe she could help. Although I've been to a couple of chiros in town, there aren't any I can recommend.

Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I _think_ that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Katie ~ If your dh's commission with the NG isn't up until 2014, he probably wouldn't have to extend it to go AD. at least not much. I _think_ that once my dh's first 4 years of AD were up, all of his extensions have only been 2-3 years. The nice thing about that, too, is that he can resign his commission at any time. The only thing that would be effected would be how much time he would have to serve in the Reserves but he's done enough AD that that doesn't apply to him anymore.

I know that a lot of people start out as active duty and then switch to the reserves to finish out however many years they have left. My DH started out in the NG (not by choice, they forced him prior to commissioning and then realized they took too many officers) and has always been in the NG, they just cut him a deal in the beginning to go active duty for 3 years and then come back to his unit to finish out the final 3 years. His situation is really unique, so I'm not entirely sure how it would work. To put it another way, he'd pretty much be a free agent when he's released from the NG and would be signing an entirely new contract.


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## MarineWife

Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times.







)

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.









I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.


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## Maluhia

I need to vent.....I live in my HOMETOWN while DH is an XO on a sea tour (Navy speak) so everyone always tells me how great it must be to have my family nearby. That is totally what I thought, only my Mother has been SO minimally helpful.

Example: My DH is away on deployment, my packers come THIS Wed-Friday for an overseas packout (we are going from Hawaii to Australia) and my daughter comes down with pneumonia. Yes, she can't go to school ALL this week because she is on 10 days of antibiotics which will make her non-communicable by Tuesday but her immune system is so shot that she can't be around a large group of children. The packout will be two-point pickup at our house AND at a storage unit and my Mom is complaining that watching her at her home (with yard, tv, anything) is SO exhausting that she can only say she'll be there for one day rather than two and I might have to take her back.

My daughter is FIVE she can get her own food, watch TV if that is all you can do and I'm stuck preping for a packout WITH a sick kid at home for a week prior (stir crazy) and it is SO exhausting to watch her for me for TWO days so I can superviser packers without a kid underfoot? Oh yeah, so glad to live near family.

My Mom friends WOULD help but I don't want her exposed to other children per Dr.s orders and I could just about roll my eyes right out of my head the next time I see my Mom brag about how much she "helps" me. I know I should be grateful for the one day but right now I'm pouting and I don't want to.

harumph.


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
That's sort of what I thought, Mae.







Sorry if my comments were just annoying rather than helpful.

Its okay your comments are heartfelt and at least show that you are trying to be helpful.

Now my family... that's a whole different ballpark. I love how they are telling me just to have her already. Yeah... if it were _that_ easy she would have been born labor day weekend.


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## ~Katie~

He has nearly 4 years of active duty and 5 years of total time in service, in March or April I think it'll be 6, so yes your DH would be correct. He was in the reserves in college which counts toward total time but not retirement. The "clock" didn't start ticking on his AD time until August 08 but he was considered AD prior to that (I can't remember the exact month that started). His total time is reflected in his pay, though. As far as his active duty time keeping him from having to serve the three years, it is not reflected in the remainder of time he has to serve with NG. He still have to finish out the last three years with them no matter what, since that was part of the contract he signed, unless of course they approve his paperwork to be released entirely and be a "free agent" so to speak.

Like your DH's situation, there are people who choose to resign their AD commission and go into the reserves when that option becomes available after they've completed a certain number of years. My BIL, for example, has talked in the past about doing exactly that because he wants to pursue teaching.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
Yeah, that is confusing but I think I've got it now. (I know you've explained it to me a gazillion times.







)

I just asked my dh and he says he doesn't know. The Army and Marines do things differently. He did say he thinks that where every year serving AD counts as a full year toward your commitment and retirement, it's something like every 3 years in the Reserves or NG counts as 1 year equivalent AD. Based on that I would think that your dh's 3 years of AD would count for more than 3 years in the NG so maybe he wouldn't have to serve as long.









I was wrong about my dh's commitment. He did not have to extend his commission in order to go on a deployment with a particular unit. He just extended his tour with that unit. Once he was done with his first 4 years as AD he could have resigned his commission and then gone on Inactive Ready Reserve (IRR) for 4 years. With that he would not have the monthly commitment to the Reserves but could get called back to AD at any time. After 8 years of AD he is free and clear of IRR.


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## ~adorkable~

*Maine Mama Doula*,

i wanted to back up and do what i think was missed a bit when you said hi...







Hi! and welcome to the MDC military thread.

seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!
it does depend on a lot of factors and you sound like a smart lady, so i'm sure you will know to read between the lines as you talk to folks in and out of the recruiting system about your options.

My DH is army and has gotten to work with a lot of Navy dorctors that were assigned to his mental health (combat stress) unit while deployed. they had shorter deployments than the army folks but yes were more frequent at times.

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.

anyway i just wanted to welcome you and support you in whatever way you need as you look at all sides of this life changing choice.


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## Maine Mama Doula

Thanks *Adorkable*









I'm back to lurking status here in this thread







I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family.







And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.


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## MommaKitten21

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maine Mama Doula* 
Thanks *Adorkable*









I'm back to lurking status here in this thread







I just enjoy reading to get a feel of what all of your lives are like, with families. DH was in the Navy, so I have an idea what Navy life is like minus the family.







And I appreciate all input, even horror stories.









my DH was in the Army pre-kids... and he just re-enlisted and we have 2 children now (and married obviously) and let me tell you, for us it's been a thousand times harder then pre-kids. Do not take the experience from before and let it trickle into what it could be like this time. With kids, it changes the whole dynamic.

@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a







!!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?


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## Maluhia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
*Maine Mama Doula*

The Army has just finally gotten to 19 months dwell (home) time for most all folks between deployments, but in exchange we still have some of the longest tours of all at usually just under or around 12 months.
one good thing about navy tours is it seems to me and i could be wrong is a lot more likely that a tour does not directly mean being "down range" in the line of fire, not that there is not danger issues, but many tours are patrol in not wartime areas as well.

My BIL is in the Navy and flies helicopters over Iraq when on "patrol."
The Navy does a lot of secret stuff but I can tell you that while their risks are not on the nightly news (and neither are many other services missions) they certainly are in a lot of "danger" even if we don't hear about it.

In addition the Navy does not give those 1/2 way through deployment breaks and are gone just as much as others, if not more for some areas, when they are "non-deployed." For example when my husband is "in port" aka. home he works 7 days a week from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. I wish I were exaggerating, I'm not. When we went to counseling with a Navy Chaplain about the issues it was causing the chaplain said essentially "well, this is the Navy, our funding is cut to go to the war that people see on CNN but our jobs get more and more....less people same or more jobs = incredible work hours."

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
@Maluhia- I just wanted to give you a







!!!! what a crappy situation. I completely understand though. I am back "home" as well while DH is gone, and I can not wait to get the heck out of here. It's a constant reminder to why we don't live near my family in the first place. I get the comments from others too, and I just sort of half smile and say "yeah, the help is nice" but inside... I'm like, WHAT HELP!!?!? My mom promised to take vacation time after the birth... that never happened. In fact, she has seen her new grand baby the least of any of my family. I have vented about my mother on here before... I cant wait to move! ha.

I just want you to know you are not alone. I have started reading a book called "Mothering Without a Map" and it's been so helpful in teaching me to better understand my relationship with my mom... and the effect that has on the relationship with my kids. Besides reading that book, the only thing that helps me is to accept I cant count on her help, and look for it elsewhere (which for me, I haven't had much luck with... but maybe you will!) How long is your hubby gone for?

Thanks! I think I'll read that once I'm on the plane heading the heck far far away from here for our next tour and I'm going to silence her FB updates so I don't have to "hear" about how much she "misses" DD.


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## MarineWife

Quote:


Originally Posted by *•Adorkable•* 
*seem like folks have gotten a bit zealous in wanting to make sure you understood what you were thinking about and got pretty harsh into horror stories.

there is always a lot of ups and down to military life, though i have to say i have never quite seen the ladies here jump tot the bad stuff so vigorously!
*
*
*
*
I wasn't passing along horror stories nor did I jump on the bad stuff. I told the truth about what our life is like. I guess maybe that makes my life a horror. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, especially for a parent. I think a parent who has young children needs to really think long and hard about what the actual separation from his/her children will be like.

After reading about everyone else's work hours, though, I guess I should stop getting upset about my dh's. I've never experienced this. He always worked long hours but was at least home most nights for a reasonable dinner time. I thought the longer days were because of his CO but maybe it's just the way things are now for various reasons and I should stop looking for someone to blame.*


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## ~adorkable~

I was not talking about any single response, just the overall impression. I was surprised since in the past it seems like we have all managed to be hosest about the down sides in a more balanced way that also included some of the ups.
No one even asked her how much she already knew or what her particular reasons were before going into things pretty heavy. Had we asked it would have come out sooner that her dh used to be in so she probably knows a good bit of it all.

I agree that we should be honest about things, I was just surprised she got no other welcome, just a lapse in friendly that got overshadowed by worries, thats all.


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## Maine Mama Doula

no hard feelings please









Everyone has been helpful and I'm sure I'll hear more of the good as I continue to read. I am considering seriously how well I would do at working REALLY long hours and being away from my family. I would be the one suffering as DH is a wonderful SAHP and since he is encouraging me, I know that he would not feel any anger towards me being away so much. I'm working through my own emotions now to see if I could really handle it myself. I put in 26 hours this weekend at my current job and I really do enjoy working. And I enjoy my children too.

The truth is, we have a lot of debt. And I have a lot of education. And my career options are slim pickings and rather unappealing at the moment. The Navy is an appealing option, but not a decision that I will make without months of consideration and research. So I'll be sticking around here and elsewhere for awhile, just listening.


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## MarineWife

There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".

The fact is that my life has been pretty crappy for the last 15+ months because of the military and I'm feeling no love for it right now. When dh first joined I was able to see the good in it and appreciate the benefits I thought we had and thought the sacrifices were worth it. After many years and several long separations and what that has done to our family unit, I don't feel that way so much anymore.


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## ~Katie~

More major bummer news. DH got a one sentence email from his branch manager saying that he can't go active duty unless he's a captain. Still need to verify this, but if that's the case he'll have no choice but to find a civilian job because the NG won't make him a captain until they return from their deployment in 2013. He SHOULD make captain in December though


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## MommaKitten21

oh no, Katie! Keep us updated... definitely thinking of you guys! And what is with the one sentence response? That would tick me off.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Katie~* 
More major bummer news. DH got a one sentence email from his branch manager saying that he can't go active duty unless he's a captain. Still need to verify this, but if that's the case he'll have no choice but to find a civilian job because the NG won't make him a captain until they return from their deployment in 2013. He SHOULD make captain in December though









OK. This really sucks. Is the branch manager Ms. Moorman by any chance? DH was able to sweet talk her into giving us this assignment (Ft Lewis) prior to BOLC III. I'll ask him if he has any tips for getting resolution from her. I'm so sorry that you guys are still in limbo, and thus aren't able to make a definitive plan yet. DH didn't have much trouble getting himself released from his NG contract to go AD, but there were no incentives or ROTC issues to be sorted out.


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## MovingMomma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".

The fact is that my life has been pretty crappy for the last 15+ months because of the military and I'm feeling no love for it right now. When dh first joined I was able to see the good in it and appreciate the benefits I thought we had and thought the sacrifices were worth it. After many years and several long separations and what that has done to our family unit, I don't feel that way so much anymore.











It's hard to express a whole lot of positive when we're in the middle of all the negative. Our biggest testimony is that we're still sticking it out. Then again, DH just reenlisted for years 12-16. So there is no "out" for 4 more years, and at that point we'll only have 4 to go to retirement.

I usually tell people who are considering joining the military to go in with a goal in mind. Maybe the goal is to do one contract and gain skills or experiences or money for college or a check on your resume for a future political career. Maybe the goal is to stay in until you earn the retirement benefits. But I advise not to go into the military *just* for a job.

We got some good news the other day! DH got selected for WO!







We should find out where we're going in the next few weeks!


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 
There are ways to express any positive sentiments you may have without minimizing others' experiences by calling them "horror stories".

im sorry you have been having a hard time in the military and im sorry you felt minimized, that was not my intent at all.
i was actually just bummed that a new lady popped her head in and didn't get a hello and a welcome before a number of folks not just you seemed to focus nearly completely on the bad things.

Military life is hard for sure, i was just wanting her to see we are also a friendly group that supports each other since we all go thru versions of the same stuff around here.

lets drop this now ok? we have better things to talk about and enough to go thru with out extra strife


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
OK. This really sucks. Is the branch manager Ms. Moorman by any chance? DH was able to sweet talk her into giving us this assignment (Ft Lewis) prior to BOLC III. I'll ask him if he has any tips for getting resolution from her. I'm so sorry that you guys are still in limbo, and thus aren't able to make a definitive plan yet. DH didn't have much trouble getting himself released from his NG contract to go AD, but there were no incentives or ROTC issues to be sorted out.









Yep, that's her! I would be ever so grateful if you had tips to share. It is incredibly frustrating, and it's stinks to have the door opened only to watch it slam shut in our faces again.

DH heard from another source not to believe what she's talking about, so we'll see if we can get some answers from this person.


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## MommaKitten21

Shannon- congrats to your DH!! That's awesome!









My DH wants to go WO... that's his goal. His job has 5 feeders into WO... so I'm crossing my fingers his plan works out.

I'm about to call Gordon today and start planning the move. Oh man. This will be my first moving experience. DH was all moved in and settled when we were together when he was in before. ugh.

Any tips for the move?


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## kristenok18

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 







e got some good news the other day! DH got selected for WO!







We should find out where we're going in the next few weeks!

Congratulations!!!







DH became an WO last year with the WI NG. It has been a great move for him career-wise and for us as a family. Good luck with everything!


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## lilmamabrown

Hey all, I checked in about a month ago saying I would be back well, here I am








Dh left last week for 30-40 days training then he'll fly out end of Oct. He's been gone a week now and I feel like I finally clicked back over into "deployment" mode of being able to suck it up. Dd1 is 3 and dd2 just turned 7 mos this week, hardest thing right now is bedtime. Dd1 has almost outgrown naps and its been such a fight to try to get her down I've just let her stay up. So bedtime has been a little more emotional bc she's tired. Dd2 is a little bit high maintenance when it comes to sleep, has to be dark and very quiet, if her sisters around she'll just cry. I've always done bedtime all on my own and just gone back and forth between rooms (dd1 started sleeping in her own room in April). She really wants to come sleep in my bed at bedtime but that means the baby won't go to sleep bc big sis 'talks herself to sleep' for lack of a better description. I told her tonight that I'd come back and get her as soon as the baby was asleep and she cried and cried that she didn't want me to leave her. Broke my heart but she finally settled down after I sat and talked to her about it for a minute, told her I'd be right back and went to nurse the baby to sleep. I was gone 7 minutes and when I came back she was asleep. I'm just not sure how to make it positive for everyone involved. She's been coming to my bed in the wee morning hours but then the baby won't sleep after she joins us bc dd1 is a very active sleeper. Even if I put baby into a playpen next to the bed she is still woken up by dd1 thrashing around. Any suggestions? I don't want to tell her she can't come to bed with me but it means everyone gets less sleep. If I sleep in her room I get very little sleep bc baby wakes up every 10-30 minutes if I'm not next to her. 3 days of 3 hours of sleep is starting to wear. She is so angry this week and I can tell stressed out, I've tried to be very positive and said everything I know to say to support her emotionally but I worry that I'm not doing enough.

Maine Mama Doula~ We have used the military to help us get out of debt and it has been wonderful for that purpose. I agree with the person that said you should have a goal in mind and not just do it as a job. I don't think the hard part of deployment is the seperation, I think it is the reintegration afterwards. The military has been good to us.


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## MaerynPearl

Maes going to be an October baby


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Maes going to be an October baby









The odds are in your favor, chances are good she'll be here before then







In the mean time, can you do something else to distract yourself and get your mind off things? Stress can definitely impede things. Have you been to a chiropractor or acupuncturist?


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## MaerynPearl

Cant afford either. Cant even afford food right now thanks to my lovely ex for not sending us child support when he said he did. That is what I get for counting on that money. I should have known better than to count on it, though until now he has sent it every time he said he did.


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## justKate

*MP*,







thinking of you. I know it probably sounds silly, but have you told Mae that you're ready for her to come? Maybe she's just too too comfy....

Katie, sorry your situation is going from bad to worse. Hopefully there's some truth in that woman not knowing what she's talking about.

*MM*, congrats to you and your DH! I'm jealous that you'll be getting an assignment so soon... We're looking at January and it seems like _forever_ away!

*MK*, take lots of photos in case you file a damage claim. Other than that, just hope you get good movers!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
*MP*,







thinking of you. I know it probably sounds silly, but have you told Mae that you're ready for her to come? Maybe she's just too too comfy....

Both DH and I have... DH does once or twice a night... sometimes lays down with his head on my belly and tells her how much better its going to be out here where everyone can snuggle her and she can stretch out without making mommy yell out in pain. Its so cute and is actually something I think I will miss after I have her.


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## ~Katie~

I'm sorry, MP







If you haven't already, check out the spinning babies website. I really suspect a positioning issue since you're having a lot of contractions without any dilation, that's a signal that your body is working really hard to move her into the right position for labor. If you're having pelvic issues, it may be out of alignment and causing issues with how her head is positioned as well. Another trick that worked well for me is lifting my belly up during a contraction, you may also have some luck with robozo work if you midwife is experienced with that. I'll keep sending you labor vibes


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## MaerynPearl

Thanks

Ive been suspecting pelvic alignment issues due to my SPD... and the fact that she is still REALLY high...

but she has been LOA every check so far... but today (perhaps after last nights worst-contractions-yet?) was very clearly ROA


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## ~Katie~

It's possible that her head is not properly aligned, even if she's facing your back, or that she's turned slightly more to one side. If she's up high, I would definitely suspect that her head is shifted to the side and preventing her from dropping properly. It could also be that your hips and ligaments are out of alignment and preventing her from getting her head properly positioned in order to drop into your pelvis. Has your midwife made any recommendations for working the issues with your pelvis out?


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## ~Katie~

The Call to Duty program specifically states that it's only open to captains. I'm still going to have DH ask if he can make captain in December since they don't have a slot for him anyway, I'm not holding my breath.

He did go to a job fair yesterday and recruiters were actually approaching him and saying they needed LT's and CPT's and giving him their information, he asked me to go through some of it today and start researching. Does anyone know if he can drill in another state and still deploy with his NY unit? The likelihood of him getting a job anywhere around Syracuse is pretty slim, he'll most likely end up in Maryland or Virginia.


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## Soul-O

Katie ~ My DH thinks it would be possible to drill in one state and deploy with his unit from another state. Your DH would "volunteer" to deploy with his NY unit. I will also ask a friend who went from AD as a 1LT to GA Nat'l Guard, and is currently in the process of moving to VA.


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## Soul-O

Katie - Here's the answer from my AD to Guard friend:

He should be able to "split" drill. He would need the OK of his home unit, and the OK of the "receiving" unit, but it's done enough that it shouldn't be complicated. This would be a temporary fix... when he gets settled in VA/MD, it would... probably be in his interest to switch states. If he's MI, he might be able to take advantage of the Low Density Recruiting Program. I don't know enough about it really- just that it exists, and MI qualifies. As for deployments- there is usually the need to fill some slots with volunteer individual augmentees from across the Guard. I'm not sure to what extent that requires the permission of the home unit. I hope this helps... I've been in the Guard for nearly three years now and have never managed to get a good handle on how those things work. I'm glad to be done in December.


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## MaerynPearl

Ah life as a military wife.

Today is no fun. My kids are back home for my brothers wedding and I am not. Instead, I am sitting here... upset with my husband... and being bugged by my ENTIRE family about how AWESOME it would be if I had Mae today.

Like its all up to me. If it were up to me I would have had her back on my birthday!


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## WifeofAnt

Okay I don't normally even stalk here but my DH is in the army and we're looking to move. I really hate Texas. Its too hot and too far from our families (who live in Michigan). If you don't mind me asking, where have you been and where would you recommend?


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WifeofAnt* 
Okay I don't normally even stalk here but my DH is in the army and we're looking to move. I really hate Texas. Its too hot and too far from our families (who live in Michigan). If you don't mind me asking, where have you been and where would you recommend?

If Texas is too hot for you, might I recommend Ft Lewis, WA? Lots of rain, fog, cool weather, and beautiful summers. This is a very large post, so there are lots of different MOSs here because of the many types of units. My DH is branched MI, so we were initially assigned to an integrated signal/intelligence/Ranger BDE, and are now moving on to a Stryker BDE (for breadth of experience). We are about 35 miles from Seattle, and there are a lot of outdoorsy activities nearby. COL is high, and the housing allowances are not necessarily in line with available housing (depending on what you are looking for), but there are nice areas with good schools within a 20 mile drive of the post.

We've also been to Ft. Gordon, GA and Ft. Benning, GA - wouldn't recommend either if you don't like Texas and want to be nearer to family.

Good luck in your search!


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## WifeofAnt

thank you but Fort Lewis would be further than we are now...


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## gagin37

Dh passed his PT test this week







No more Saturday morning PT! No orders yet either. Now they are saying we won't know until next month.
R. and I have been visiting my family, and only got back home today. I really hate being stuck so far from home. I hate that my family is missing R. grow up. And that he's missing out on them. I guess in a way, we're lucky to be close enough to make the drive, but 8.5 hours in the car is just gross and I'm all bummed out by having to be back in Fayetteville tonight.


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## WifeofAnt

Okay just a rant to people who might understand.









DH has just spent the last 7 days 'in the field'. They were supposed to come home tonight but somebody messed up so they're staying ANOTHER day. Oh well, whatever, its the army.

BUT I just got a text from him saying they are not going to allow cell phones and laptops to NTC this year. WTF? Some people have families with children and *WIVES GETTING VERY CLOSE TO THEIR DUE DATES!!*







So what if first time moms usually go late? Its not a guarantee! How am I of all people going to live alone and without contact with DH in my last month of pregnancy (they're "scheduled" to return when I'm 39 weeks)?

And as mad as I am, you should hear it from DH. He's already pretty much told them to kiss his







.


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## MaerynPearl

DH was initially told (when I was around 30/32 weeks) that although the week I was due he would have to be in the field without his cell and not be able to get home if I had her.

Slowly they started changing that, to the point that the day BEFORE they went out in the field they told him he only had to go out for part of the first day to help set up his job and then could just go back to his regular job the rest of the week.

Hopefully the same happens for you.


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## MaerynPearl

Looks like we will be having a devil puppy today or tomorrow!

IM IN LABOR FINALLY!


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Looks like we will be having a devil puppy today or tomorrow!

IM IN LABOR FINALLY!









hope everything goes smoothly!


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
Looks like we will be having a devil puppy today or tomorrow!

IM IN LABOR FINALLY!

















heres to a smooth happy birth


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## MovingMomma

OMG, M!!! That is great news, but so funny b/c I was thinking of you this morning. 4 years ago today my DD2 was born 10 days past her due date! She didn't come out until I gave up on it ever happening. I just decided I'd be pregnant forever & then she finally came out! LOL! Sending you smooth labor vibes!


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## ~Katie~

Add me to your list of stalkers, so excited for you MP!!!


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
Dh passed his PT test this week







No more Saturday morning PT! No orders yet either. Now they are saying we won't know until next month.
R. and I have been visiting my family, and only got back home today. I really hate being stuck so far from home. I hate that my family is missing R. grow up. And that he's missing out on them. I guess in a way, we're lucky to be close enough to make the drive, but 8.5 hours in the car is just gross and I'm all bummed out by having to be back in Fayetteville tonight.

I'm feeling the same way. We're in TX and the fam is in Maryland. My parents are great gparents, and they're missing out on the first one's first three years. And we're missing out on their help. And I'm feeling torn--I know my place is with my husband (don't flame me, that's what I feel), but I'm mourning the loss of the extended family involvement with DD that I always looked forward to.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *WifeofAnt* 
BUT I just got a text from him saying they are not going to allow cell phones and laptops to NTC this year. WTF? Some people have families with children and *WIVES GETTING VERY CLOSE TO THEIR DUE DATES!!*







So what if first time moms usually go late? Its not a guarantee! How am I of all people going to live alone and without contact with DH in my last month of pregnancy (they're "scheduled" to return when I'm 39 weeks)?

And as mad as I am, you should hear it from DH. He's already pretty much told them to kiss his







.

W/could his CO make an exception? I was in a car accident when DH was away with strict no-cell phone rules, and he basically just said "an exception has to be made" and it worked. Seems like the last weeks of a first pregnancy would be a big deal....

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
IM IN LABOR FINALLY!

















C'mon Mae! The world is waiting for you!


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## ~Katie~

I'm pretty sure they can discuss it for safety concerns but usually CO's have their cell phones and you can be given contact information should there be an emergency, or everyone can use their cell phones during certain hours.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WifeofAnt* 
Okay just a rant to people who might understand.









DH has just spent the last 7 days 'in the field'. They were supposed to come home tonight but somebody messed up so they're staying ANOTHER day. Oh well, whatever, its the army.

BUT I just got a text from him saying they are not going to allow cell phones and laptops to NTC this year. WTF? Some people have families with children and *WIVES GETTING VERY CLOSE TO THEIR DUE DATES!!*







So what if first time moms usually go late? Its not a guarantee! How am I of all people going to live alone and without contact with DH in my last month of pregnancy (they're "scheduled" to return when I'm 39 weeks)?

And as mad as I am, you should hear it from DH. He's already pretty much told them to kiss his







.


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## MommaKitten21

Go, Mae, go!!!!!























Cant wait to hear updates!!


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## ~Katie~

MP is a mama! Congratulations again!!!!


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## ~Katie~

Things just keep getting better and better on my end









DH spoke with the s2 today in his NY unit. The guy flat out asked him "So, did you think you were deploying with us? What exactly did you expect to do during the deployment?" One would expect that this person would know these details but apparently not. The short end is that DH is not supposed to deploy with them, does not have a job at all with them, period. The long of it is that some MAJ has the final say. Presently he will not deploy with them, and does not have a position in any unit, but that could all change should they decide to do something with him.

Tabitha - I did look up the whole switching to another NG unit process and it seems pretty straight forward, there's a certain person DH needs to get in touch with. I think the next step is going to ACAP and determining exactly what jobs he's eligible for and getting the rest of his resume together.


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## MaerynPearl

Katie I really really hope this all works out in the best way possible!

AFM - Mae ended up choosing her own birthday... which ended up being the most perfect.

I did mention that it was going to end up raining the day she was born and yesterday had to have been the RAINIEST day of the past month...

Googles 12th birthday = nerd baby

the day after my brothers wedding so Aunt J was already legally her aunt (she met our family for the first time just weeks before I got pregnant with Mae but we all adore her, shes a good addition)...

the same day DHs one cousin flew home from Colombia with the daughter she just adopted last week and today both MIL and DHs other cousins mother are making trips to either coast to meet their new grandchildren (DHs other cousin had her boy about a week ago) ...All from the same grandparents.


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## gagin37

Congrats!


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
AFM - Mae ended up choosing her own birthday... which ended up being the most perfect.

I did mention that it was going to end up raining the day she was born and yesterday had to have been the RAINIEST day of the past month...











Love her name! Jean is my (and my mother's and grandmother's) middle name.


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## MommaKitten21

Welcome to this world little Mae!!!!
















Katie I really hope things start looking up for you guys!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 









Love her name! Jean is my (and my mother's and grandmother's) middle name.









Mine too... and DD1s... DD1 was named after me, I was named after two aunts, both grandmas, great grandmas, etc.

Mae was named after DHs moms middle name! lol just happened to be Jean too!


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## WifeofAnt

I was told:
1. They're not going out to the field, they're going to a different state. My DH's best friend and coworker's wife had a baby girl (their first child) last time they went there, emergency c-section at 32 weeks and baby in NICU and they *still* didn't bring him home early.
2. The 'order' was from the general of the base. No one in his company agrees with it and they're trying to have it reversed but they haven't had any luck yet. Someone, I don't know who, will have a phone in case of an emergency (what they consider an emergency I'm not sure) but as of right now its an article 15 for anyone else to bring a cell phone to NTC because some dumba** injured himself while climbing a truck trying to get a signal.


----------



## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WifeofAnt* 
I was told:
1. They're not going out to the field, they're going to a different state. My DH's best friend and coworker's wife had a baby girl (their first child) last time they went there, emergency c-section at 32 weeks and baby in NICU and they *still* didn't bring him home early.
2. The 'order' was from the general of the base. No one in his company agrees with it and they're trying to have it reversed but they haven't had any luck yet. Someone, I don't know who, will have a phone in case of an emergency (what they consider an emergency I'm not sure) but as of right now its an article 15 for anyone else to bring a cell phone to NTC because some dumba** injured himself while climbing a truck trying to get a signal.

Ugh.


----------



## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WifeofAnt* 
I was told:
1. They're not going out to the field, they're going to a different state. My DH's best friend and coworker's wife had a baby girl (their first child) last time they went there, emergency c-section at 32 weeks and baby in NICU and they *still* didn't bring him home early.
2. The 'order' was from the general of the base. No one in his company agrees with it and they're trying to have it reversed but they haven't had any luck yet. Someone, I don't know who, will have a phone in case of an emergency (what they consider an emergency I'm not sure) but as of right now its an article 15 for anyone else to bring a cell phone to NTC because some dumba** injured himself while climbing a truck trying to get a signal.

Ah yes, the idiot rule.. when DH was in OCS, he was on total lockdown for most of it (i.e. zero contact, no leaving the post on weekends when there was no instruction etc.) because two Officer Candidates in a prior class had died in a car accident while driving under the influence in Alabama without a valid pass off post. So basically, two Soldiers completely broke the rules by leaving post and driving to a neighboring state, then DUI and having accident, so therefore all follow-on Officer Candidates must suffer. My DH left for OCS two days after our youngest DS was released from the NICU, and DS' health was still pretty poor at the time, so DH needed to be able to check in on us. Mind you, this is not BCT we are talking about.. Soldiers selected for OCS are usually mature individuals who have met the requirements (both educationally and professionally) to become commissioned officers. The actions of boneheads should not impact the majority of Soldiers who take their jobs seriously and merely want/need to be in touch with their Families.


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## Soul-O

Katie: I'm glad that the unit transfer situation seems to be straight-forward. Fingers crossed that your DH finds a great job in VA or MD and can switch to a new unit that might possibly be more squared away than the NY unit!

MP: Congrats on little Mae! I saw her pic on your DDC thread - she is a beauty! Enjoy that babymoon.

Oh, and did I mention...

DH has been home for two weeks, and all is very well! He is so good at reintegrating himself back into family life. I have four blissed out DSs who are so thrilled to have his care and attention, and I'm finally getting some much needed respite from the physical aspects of caring for everyone while in my 3rd tri of pregnancy. I'm just shy of 33 weeks now, and looking forward to having 6-8 more weeks of time and energy to nest with my family intact.


----------



## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Ah yes, the idiot rule.. when DH was in OCS, he was on total lockdown for most of it (i.e. zero contact, no leaving the post on weekends when there was no instruction etc.) because two Officer Candidates in a prior class had died in a car accident while driving under the influence in Alabama without a valid pass off post. So basically, two Soldiers completely broke the rules by leaving post and driving to a neighboring state, then DUI and having accident, so therefore all follow-on Officer Candidates must suffer. My DH left for OCS two days after our youngest DS was released from the NICU, and DS' health was still pretty poor at the time, so DH needed to be able to check in on us. Mind you, this is not BCT we are talking about.. Soldiers selected for OCS are usually mature individuals who have met the requirements (both educationally and professionally) to become commissioned officers. The actions of boneheads should not impact the majority of Soldiers who take their jobs seriously and merely want/need to be in touch with their Families.

Very true









I would make sure you have several contacts to get in touch with before they go, there will at least be a few CO's with cell phones. Call his CO and ask straight up for a point of contact because you're very pregnant and need to get in touch with him should anything happen. There will also be people in offices with phones, it may end up being a situation where you have to call one person who calls another who calls another. I've been in your shoes and definitely feel for you


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
DH has been home for two weeks, and all is very well! He is so good at reintegrating himself back into family life. I have four blissed out DSs who are so thrilled to have his care and attention, and I'm finally getting some much needed respite from the physical aspects of caring for everyone while in my 3rd tri of pregnancy. I'm just shy of 33 weeks now, and looking forward to having 6-8 more weeks of time and energy to nest with my family intact.

That's wonderful, Tabitha! I'm so glad everyone is adjusting well and you're getting the break you very much deserve, now it's just count down to baby time


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## ~Katie~

He got an email today telling him to put his packet in for promotion. The reason they're doing it is because they have no job for him, of course, so it makes sense to promote him in June instead of waiting until after their deployment like they originally planned when they thought they had an LT slot for him.

I don't think it really makes a difference in the grand scheme of things anyway. He might be able to submit paperwork in June to get out of the national guard and go active duty but if that doesn't work out we still have to have a backup plan. DH is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that he really had to start looking for a civilian job. Things are predictable to a certain extent for him I guess. I guess I'm just tired of never knowing what's going to happen next and feeling the need to plan for something tangible.


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## ~adorkable~

o finally got to check in with OB at our new place, Being seen so far at Nation Naval Medical Center (NNMC) in Bethesda, and sadly i can say without hesitation that htey kida pretty much suck. i miss Ft Lewis and Madigan already and i never thought i would be saying that.

they wont let me be the midwife team because of the twins, not that i think that would make a big difference, since even the midwife said "its basically the same thing" if she thinks her job as a midwife is basically the same as a ob, she is doing it wrong!

anyway the tour of L&D was just as bad, no food or anything but clear liquid, no tubs, no wireless or intermittent monitoring, and all twins are birthed in the OR

So......

im looking at switching to TriCare Standard and going to the midwife that i have heard is so great around here. it would mean getting my final appointments nearly an hour away and being that same hour away from the hospital that she has privileges at if i wanted to do a home birth or deciding ahead of time to do a hospital birth with her from the start and go up there when my labor starts. i have a initial meet and greet with her and her team on the 7th, so will know a lot more at that point.

??
does anyone know when they count a year from on Standard? is it calender year or from the date of start up for your Catastrophic cap, deductible and such things?


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## EdnaMarie

I think it's from the moment you switch. I personally love Standard. I love the choice. We have it even in Europe. It is really not that much more expensive and it was totally, totally worth it to have the baby at home instead of at Madigan.


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## MaerynPearl

omg we are flooding!!!!

aaaah!

hope you other ladies dealing with this rain are okay!!!!!


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## MovingMomma

Oh no! We're fine here...wondering about our rental, but I think it's probably ok. It's on the other side of the park from MW. I'm about to brave the lake in the back yard to put the chickens away!


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## gagin37

I've been thinking about you all with all this rain! It finally stopped here sometime this morning, but we've been right on the edge of the line of rain all day. You can look back east and see the great mass of black clouds.


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## ~adorkable~

raining soaking wet cats and soggy dogs here in DC, local flooding in a few places, its strange to be over here where these storms are so warm! so far its a great change of pace from the rain in the NW that is coming down from the arctic and ice cold


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## ~adorkable~

looks like the deductible and Catastrophic cap are figured out per fiscal year, so that mean Oct 1- Sept 30, so it really would not matter when between now and the birth that i switched over. good info got that info here

now also looking at POS options, so that i would stay on Prime, i guess the worry i have is not financial since the catastrophic cap seems to control that, its trouble being seen, but that trouble might end up that im with way better civilian doctors for other care, maybe switching is for the best, its looking more and more like that


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## MaerynPearl

This was the view from just in front of our house this evening. And it still poured for a while after that.


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## MommaKitten21

Wow... that flooding is crazy! Please stay safe!!!

And hey... where is the pic of little Mae at?!?!


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## MaerynPearl

Here is a pic of her just moments after her birth (DH is texting a pic of her to our mothers, not ignoring me/her for his phone lol)

then you can go through the other pics in that photostream to see more of her


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## justKate

MP, read your birth story on the other thread. So happy for you. LOVE the photo of your DH with Mae in the wrap. Priceless.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 
This was the view from just in front of our house this evening. And it still poured for a while after that.

Oy! Stay safe, Mae!


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## MaerynPearl

Halfway through DHs 10 day paternity leave and already wishing it were over.


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## gagin37

I remember being so grateful when dh was finally back at work after R. was born. It always seems like when he is home for extended periods of time he makes messes and upsets our routine.


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## MommaKitten21

MP- your post made me laugh. That's exactly how I felt when DH came home for our little one's birth

I mean, I needed his support through labor, but after that? Not so much ha. It really threw things off at home.

Thinking of you and your family!!!


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## MaerynPearl

Thank goodness I am not the only one! That makes me feel so much better that its not him, its normal.

Well I mean... it IS him. But its normal to feel this way because of it.


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## EdnaMarie

It's him, but he's not the only one.


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## MaerynPearl

AGH didn't realize until last night that this weekend is Columbus day

so he has to work half of Thursday, half of Friday and back to work normal on Tuesday...

Mae is such a daddy's girl... this means he only works two half days out of 17 days!

Since I went into labor on a Monday morning he never went into work that day and his PTAD was put in just after she was born that afternoon...

oh baby girl, i see how it is, spoil daddy and torture mommy....


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## Sarah W

I didn't know that this was a short week until yesterday, either!








I was told to make sure everyone had vehicle inspections done, and I was confused. I will gladly take Fri and Mon off!


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## MommaKitten21

How crazy is it to do a DIY move by Monday









DH just called and he made it safely to Georgia. Now, the cool part was we were told initially that we shouldn't hurry to move because DH wouldn't be allowed to live with us and that there was a huge waiting list for housing. In fact, they basically just told us to not even bother with the move, and to stay put for the next 8 months.

Guess what? Both of those are false. DH can live with us as soon as we get there, and there is no waiting list for housing. So tomorrow, he should get the keys... and bam. Now we just need to get the heck there haha.

Screw the army move. I want to just take myself and the kids and live on yoga mats. hahaha. Ok, not really. I'm just very, very excited. I will find out all the details sometime tomorrow morning. Please please please keep your fingers crossed for us!!!

Oh man, now how am I supposed to sleep with awesome news like this?!?!


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## MaerynPearl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
DH can live with us as soon as we get there, and there is no waiting list for housing. So tomorrow, he should get the keys... and bam. Now we just need to get the heck there haha.


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## justKate

Yay MK! That's awesome.


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## ~Katie~

That is wonderful, MK! I'm so happy for you!


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## gagin37

That's great! Good luck with your move!

We apparently don't get a 4 day weekend. Not sure if he'll get Monday off either. Tomorrow we have mandatory fun time







I don't like having to go to squadron functions. There aren't many families, it's mostly single guys. I may bail on dh and go to LLL instead.


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## MommaKitten21

Well... don't want to get into it... but the move might not happen


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## MommaKitten21

So to add to things, someone broke into our house and trashed our place and stole $500 cash (that I had set aside for the upcoming move!!!!) and other things as well.

I cant get a hold of DH and I feel completely violated. I don't really think this is Red Cross worthy, but seriously I just need to talk to DH ughhh.

Now the move seems even further out of reach!


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
So to add to things, someone broke into our house and trashed our place and stole $500 cash (that I had set aside for the upcoming move!!!!) and other things as well.

I cant get a hold of DH and I feel completely violated. I don't really think this is Red Cross worthy, but seriously I just need to talk to DH ughhh.

Now the move seems even further out of reach!











I'm so sorry







. As far as moving expenses are concerned, I believe your DH can apply for an advance of the DLA (dislocation allowance) you are given post-move. Ask him to talk to finance about it. Also, have you called Ft. Gordon's transportation office regarding your move? They should be able to give you all the info you need to get your household goods moved out there soon.

HTH!


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## MaerynPearl

Oh no!


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## justKate

*MK*, I'm sorry.









Can you ladies talk to me about assignments? I don't know if its just because the Coast Guard is small, or what, but it's always so dramatic when it comes time for assignments. Our first married assignment went like this:
We put in our preferences; they said you're going to Woods Hole, MA (which wasn't on our list); DH said if you send me there I'll resign (go back to reserve enlisted); they sent us to Key West, FL.
Second assignment:
Huz was 3rd alt. on grad school list; got in at the last minute, they approved 2 schools and he picked, so we're in Austin, TX.

Fast forward to now, where there are a handful of choices: AK, DC, CA, VA, maybe something else. DH and I are really liking the idea of an adventure in Alaska in some ways. Given the job and what he's been told, we could 99% sure have the Alaska assignment if we want it.

The big cons are: it's COLD (obviously); no VBAC friendly hospital in town, so I would have to (hope to!) try a HBAC or travel if I get pg again; distance from my fam and the massive amount of guilt my mother will give me.

The pros: adventure; I could be a SAHM for 4 years; I could (probably) go visit my family 2 x a year for a month or so at a time, which is more than I see them now.

Would it be totally crazy to ask to go to Alaska?
How do you all deal with the family pressure?

I'm so torn....


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## MommaKitten21

Ohhh I understand the family guilt aspect completely!!! I get it too, and I am surprised I am getting it this time with us just heading to Georgia.... really.. it's not all that far









I think Alaska sounds great!!!









I have always wanted to do an Alaskan cruise.... so honestly, if you go to Alaska, I just might have to join you.

I can also tell you we were stationed in DC before. That was an awesome adventure too. Just need to watch out for the crime.... and the traffic.

How long do you guys have to decide? How comfortable are you at the thought of an HBAC? If it's not something you can be 100% comfortable about, it can be a problem come labor time.


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## MaerynPearl

NAK

my mom gave me guilt... I didn't think she would, she was a Navy wife. But she gave me guilt about how both my brother and I (who never got to live with her when she moved with the military, due to her divorce from our dad and dad getting custody) both decided to have the military enter our lives the same month (okay I made the decision years ago, but I got married 2 weeks after my brother shipped off to basic training) and I took her 2 1/2 grandbabies far, far away from her, with her unable to even see the newest one until she is a few months old!

I just had to keep in mind... i may be her daughter, but I am my husbands wife and my childrens mother... i am an adult and free to make the decisions I think are best for the good of my family (husband and children, not parents and siblings!) and I 100% feel like moving to North Carolina and living with DH was the best decision I could make. And I do not regret it at all. Yes, I miss my mom. I wish we were closer physically... but we have phones and skype and Facebook. We keep in contact daily if not more often (I have been very close to her so being so far apart physically is hard)

She still gives me guilt trips, though not on purpose. She tried her hardest not to when my little brother (who just joined the army) got married last month. Back home in Illinois... on September 26th. I cried, I wanted to be there so bad. But I went into labor that night and had DD2 the next afternoon, proving that I made the right decision to stay home.

Its tough and really... with the distance and difficulty of getting to each other... it honestly feels like I live in Alaska or Hawaii or even another country!

But man, its worth it. I love the life we are making here...
I love being a stay-at-home mom. back in Illinois, I had to work to keep our home... down here I don't
and being able to make choices like homebirth without having to worry about what my mom will think if she comes over and sees all the supplies yes, I told her about it but we did not dwell on the subject, she was iffy about it. Though now that it is over she is more proud of me than my two pain-drug-free hospital births.

So I say... do what YOU want, what YOU think is best for YOUR family... not your mothers family... your husband, your children, yourself. Because that is your responsibility.

Sometimes tough choices like that come with surprising results. Like your mother not actually giving you a guilt trip. Which I hope is the case for you, because it is no fun.









another possible pro to alaska? Go in and see if theres a find your tribe for the town in alaska you would be stationed at. I know that theres a disproportionately large amount of people on MDC from alaska compared to other sites I visit.

As far as I can tell, where I am in NC (specifically the Jacksonville area... not going further inland to raleigh though that is a decently short trip) the majority of women on MDC that live around here happen to also chat in this thread lol.

As for the cold... it can be a con, but it can be a pro if you let it! Well, if you are like me at least. I love wearing warm clothes and snuggling up under a blanket with the kids to watch movies in the winter. It can be too hot to snuggle sometimes, but it can never be too cold to snuggle! LOL


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## MovingMomma

DH's brother and his family are with the CG on Kodiak right now. They *love* it, but they are _very_ outdoorsy and we're all from the NW corner of Washington State, so the climate is fairly similar. A couple of other cons to be aware of are the whole long/short days, esp. if you have trouble with SAD; and if you're looking at Kodiak in particular, travel to and from the island is logistically complicated. But their pics are just gorgeous and the CG community there seems to be especially tight knit.


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## justKate

Thanks for all of the positive thoughts! Way more positive than I expected--that feels really great. I loved that Key West was such an adventure. We had no idea what we were going in to and it turned out wonderfully.

Huz agreeing that an HBAC might be the only reasonable option was scary, for sure. Of course we're not even TTC yet so maybe i shouldn't let it be an issue! From what I can tell, Alaska is an "all or nothing" state when it comes to vaxing, which could also be an issue if we decide to send DD to school while we're there. Need to look into that more....

MM, we would be on Kodiak. Has your BIL mentioned anything about the base housing there? The info I have says that you have to live on base, which is probably what we would do anyway.

Thanks for the support. You all really brightened my day!


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## ~Katie~

I say explore all your options and research pro's and con's for all potential areas. The good thing is that if you don't like it very much after moving there, it isn't forever









AFM, we made an impromptu trip to Washington DC over the long weekend. Originally my IL's were supposed to come visit us down here but ended up asking us to meet them there which ends up being half-way. We did the whole tourist thing but also did some networking for DH and got in touch with some contacts. There's a really good chance we'll end up moving there next year, and after doing some research and talking with people I think DH feels more motivated.

We talked to a family friend who got out of the Army and got a job there (he's about to retire but works for DoD now I think). His advice was basically to apply to any job that interests him. He says they often hire on a case by case basis rather than years of experience, they're really just looking for key features that translate over into the civilian world and they seek post-military employees because they're more disciplined than someone coming right out of college and are good at learning on the job. DH is relieved and feels more confident about things which is great.

We did some neighborhood scouting and found a few places we liked a lot. I think we're looking to have more of an urban experience this time around instead of staying out in the suburbs and we found a few neighborhoods that I think will work out great.


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## ~adorkable~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
The big cons are: it's COLD (obviously); no VBAC friendly hospital in town, so I would have to (hope to!) try a HBAC or travel if I get pg again; distance from my fam and the massive amount of guilt my mother will give me.


i dont know where you would be going within Alaska but when the great midwife at Madigan (Ft Lewis) finally got water births ok'd as a standard of care there in WA she mentioned that of the only other two places in the military that do water births one was Alaska. so there may be a friendlier hospital than you think. i know that water births and VBAC is two different hurdles but at least it shows a place willing to look outside the box. I'm not sure where the place is she was speaking about about but i bet we could dig the info up.

My BIL is AF and was in alaska for many many years and they and his kids loved it to bits, they were all kinda sad when they moved down to WA despite it being a post that most folks would leap at.


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## MaerynPearl

If you have done a DIY move...

and I know this has been covered but I am NAK and cant go back lol

how long did it take to be reimbursed? My little brother is doing a DIY and was wondering what sort of time frame he is looking at for reimbursement.


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## MommaKitten21

I'm going to do a partial DIY move with this PCS. I'm curious as well.


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## MaerynPearl

the answers im getting on facebook is an average of a month... but anywhere from a couple weeks to extreme cases of three months...

wondering still about experiences here


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## MommaKitten21

so basically... just forget about it so that you are surprised when you do get it









heh.... at least, that's what I'm going to try to do. I saw on USAA's article about PCS moves that the average move still costs each military family an estimate of $1,700.00 out of their own pockets when it's all said and done.

My mom, who works for H&R block, just always advises us to keep every single receipt. Even down to new lightbulbs for the new place, curtains, change of utilities, etc etc


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## justKate

Funny Huz was reading message traffic last night and there was one that said to expect delays in reimbursement due to budged cuts, approx. 45 days. Not sure what people are really experiencing though.

We did a partial DITY last time, and I really came out of it pissed off with Huz, so I don't know if we'll bother next time. Basically he made a big deal out of keeping receipts for everything, and all of the responsibility ended up being mine. And DD was 6 mos old, and I just wasn't in the mood to be in charge. And then I took pics for a damage claim, asked him for the paperwork, and it never got submitted. I think next time I'll need to educate myself so that I can do it without him. Or at least without more than a signature from him or whatever. It really is stressful....

Next time we move (May 2011) I'm getting rid of lots of stuff so it should be less dramatic. I'm sick of dealing with boxes that haven't been unpacked since two moves ago!


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## MaerynPearl

The most recent DIY mover to answer just moved at the beginning of September, she said she has gotten most of it back so far but a bit they are still waiting on?

In any case, my brother is happy with the reply of a couple weeks to three months... he figured due to it being military (and we all know how military can be some times! LOL) that it would be 6 months or more!

I told him if he needs to plan on having the money back, dont plan on less than three months... just to be safe. Because it will probably be less than three months but who knows how much less?!


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## Soul-O

We got paid pretty quickly this time on a travel voucher for redeployment. I think the total turnaround time from submission to money in the bank was about 5 business days. In the past, we were paid DLA, mileage reimbursement, and the other moving allowances sometime between 10 to 20 days post submission. Reimbursement times can vary due to time of year and budgetary concerns (i.e. summer has heavier PCS/DITY traffic, and fiscal year beginning/end etc.).


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## MommaKitten21

Can I just say that I forgot how crappy PCS moves are?!?!

Well, I guess it wouldn't be horrible at all if DH were here. Grr. My family doesn't want to help so I'm trying to do it all with just me and the toddler, and the new baby. Really?









I'm supposed to leave this Friday... but don't see that happening. Just needed to vent. Grrrr.


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## Soul-O

MK: I had a PCS like that.. did it all myself with a toddler, a newborn, and a cat. Had to clear housing, drive four hours to the new duty station, and stay in temp housing until our apartment was ready. Oh, and still complete a graduate class (including a 10 pg paper and a group project), and prep for court with my ex DH. The only saving grace is that my older DSs were at Grandma's for the move. DH was in OCS at the time and couldn't contact me, much less help out. It was miserable.

I'm sorry that your family doesn't want to help







. Is there a friend who could come over to help with the kids at least?


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## MommaKitten21

Oh my gosh. Can you read my brain?!?! haha.

I'm in school online, and this is final project week. (at least I contacted about internet and the guy is going to meet me this weekend to install it so I don't have a delay and can submit my homework)

We are also in a court battle for custody (we had custody of DH's daughter... mom was gone for years, and she took off and fled with her after Christmas break... still trying to track them down.. it's been heartbreaking)

Ughh. The only thing is, I gave our cat away to a neighbor. I just cant deal with one. more. thing.

Moving day is this Friday. The movers are estimating our stuff to arrive in GA on November 10th. Seriously? that far away? So I have a friend following me down with our beds and necessary stuff because, well, I just don't know what to do otherwise. Cant go that long with no beds and no basics.

Oh the joys of PCSing by yourself, and with kids hahaha. Oh, and mapquest is estimating an 11 hour drive. That's without stopping to breastfeed every 30 min ha.


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## jellybeanandkids

Hello, I am Lisa and my DH is in the Navy. We are in Norfolk, VA.


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## MommaKitten21

welcome Lisa!!!

How do you like Norfolk? We enjoyed our time stationed in DC and we enjoyed taking weekend trips down your way to the beach.... but we didn't have kids then.

So I am leaving Saturday, ladies!! I can not believe only a couple days until I'm back with DH !!!!!







Time to make baby number 3!!!


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## jellybeanandkids

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
welcome Lisa!!!

How do you like Norfolk? We enjoyed our time stationed in DC and we enjoyed taking weekend trips down your way to the beach.... but we didn't have kids then.

So I am leaving Saturday, ladies!! I can not believe only a couple days until I'm back with DH !!!!!







Time to make baby number 3!!!

Thanks!

I like it fairly well. I wish we actually lived in Virginia Beach, because it's a little bit nicer area and the schools are better. We bought a house here 5 years ago, and I'm making do with what I have.
We have actually been in Norfolk ever since we met, in 1999. DH has been stationed here since he got out of training back in like '98. There are so many ships and Navy bases around here that we will likely just keep picking orders for this area until he hits 20 years (which is 5 years away).

Congrats to getting to see your DH again, I know how exciting that is!


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## justKate

Hi Lisa.

How far are you from Yorktown? I might have to pick your brain if we end up there...

MK, hope you can put this move behind you soon. Yay for reunions!


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## MaerynPearl

phone call this morning. rarely is it good when he calls me from work. this was the second worst from-work call yet. Worst was when he told me he was deploying to Kuwait and Iraq.

This time its a ship somewhere in the pacific... for the first half of next year.


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## ~Katie~

Have a good trip tomorrow, MK!








I'm sorry MK.


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## MommaKitten21

Thanks ladies! I will let you know when we get in and get settled.

Yorktown is awesome. I didn't live there, but we tried to! We really enjoyed that area.

MP- I am so sorry... here starts the roller coaster of emotions. It seems like everyone I know is getting orders on a ship in the Pacific or stationed in Korea. I know we are trying to make our presence known and I have a feeling that is where the next war is going to take place when their leader dies and his son(right?) takes over. Seems like the military is preparing for some issues out that way.

DH is most likely going to be stationed in Korea. We will know in the next few months what the game plan is exactly.


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## MaerynPearl

south korea is one of the destinations he mentioned, as well as japan, Australia and Thailand.

if it weren't for the fact that this is his job, i would be seriously jealous. We wanted our first trip to Australia to be together.


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## MommaKitten21

Welp... officially leaving!!! This means, being with DH is only 15.5 hours away. Yeahhhhhhhhh


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## Soul-O

Safe travels, MK! Please update us when you arrive in Augusta. I hope the weather cooperates for you.

MP: Sorry to hear about the orders







. Your DH's cruise sounds like an adventure. Perhaps you'll be able to arrange to meet him at one of the stops?? Kinda pricey, unless Space A travel is possible. Anyhow, I know how tough it is to be without a DH while caring for small children. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.


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## WifeofAnt

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaerynPearl* 









phone call this morning. rarely is it good when he calls me from work. this was the second worst from-work call yet. Worst was when he told me he was deploying to Kuwait and Iraq.

This time its a ship somewhere in the pacific... for the first half of next year.











I really should check here more often. DH left last night for NTC. I feel like such a wimp because I've never spent such a long time by myself. Last deployment I was living with my parents. I hope the baby stays put so DH doesn't miss the birth. Of course then once he comes home I'm going to be anxious for him to come out so DH can spend some time with him before deployment.







Its hard to imagine he'll be walking before DH comes back home.


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## hdeering

I don't know if anyone's had any experience with this... but DH just left for a 6 month deployment to Qatar. Upon arrival, he learns that the already slow (as in not much work to do) shop is going to have 2 more people on this rotation than the last one. Any hope of him getting sent home? I'm talking slow as in private laptops are allowed in the shop at slow times to play WoW and talk on Skype.

I know of one friend's DH that got sent home from a deployment because they didn't need him, but I never heard any details.

You'd think if they pick anyone, it would be the guy with a pregnant wife about to give birth...


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## gagin37

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hdeering* 
I don't know if anyone's had any experience with this... but DH just left for a 6 month deployment to Qatar. Upon arrival, he learns that the already slow (as in not much work to do) shop is going to have 2 more people on this rotation than the last one. Any hope of him getting sent home? I'm talking slow as in private laptops are allowed in the shop at slow times to play WoW and talk on Skype.

I know of one friend's DH that got sent home from a deployment because they didn't need him, but I never heard any details.

You'd think if they pick anyone, it would be the guy with a pregnant wife about to give birth...

that's exactly what happened to my dh. He got to Afghanistan, and found out they didn't need him and he wasn't supposed to be there. So he was there about 2.5 months then got sent home.


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## MovingMomma

We're leaving our girls with my parents for a week. Does anyone know what we need to do/leave with them in order for my parents to get them medical care if necessary?


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## hdeering

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
that's exactly what happened to my dh. He got to Afghanistan, and found out they didn't need him and he wasn't supposed to be there. So he was there about 2.5 months then got sent home.

Thanks for giving me some hope!

Anytime less than his 6 months would be great.

I emailed the commander's wife to thank her for calling and checking on me, and while I was at it, I mentioned how silly it seems to have him there when there's no work to do... not in so many words, but you know.

I'll be praying...


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## MaerynPearl

*hdeering* hubby says its possible... but depends more on what they are forecasting for that position than what is going on right now


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## hdeering

Possible is good. And this is the Air Force....

He's in computers. Really, not an essential thing to have tons of guys on in such an established location. It's just dumb, really. But we'll see.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MovingMomma* 
We're leaving our girls with my parents for a week. Does anyone know what we need to do/leave with them in order for my parents to get them medical care if necessary?

I would suggest getting a medical power of attorney from JAG. Attach a copy of one of your IDs (which your parents will need if they take the girls to a medical facility for treatment). Make sure they understand that the PCM must be notified within 24 hours if your DDs receive emergency medical care at a facility other than their MTF (or PCMs office). Have fun on your trip!


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## MommaKitten21

Well we made it to GA and being a family again is wonderful!! 4 months apart really didn't do any "damage" to us. We seemed to have blended back together perfectly (kids included) I'm thanking my lucky stars for that one!!

However, we have one problem. We are living on post (have to) and our place is infested with roaches!!!! Seriously! The property management doesn't seem to be in any hurry to fix this. I mean... what can we do when they don't seem to care?


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## ~Katie~

You may need to bomb it yourself. We had ants one time and I was 39 weeks pregnant with a toddler and had to do it. Eventually they did come out after I pleaded with them but not after I did it. Maybe tell them you have very small children and cannot live in the home safely unless they have a professional exterminator come, otherwise they need to provide you with safe housing. There are ways to file formal complaints, it should be in the contract you signed.


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## Soul-O

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Well we made it to GA and being a family again is wonderful!! 4 months apart really didn't do any "damage" to us. We seemed to have blended back together perfectly (kids included) I'm thanking my lucky stars for that one!!

However, we have one problem. We are living on post (have to) and our place is infested with roaches!!!! Seriously! The property management doesn't seem to be in any hurry to fix this. I mean... what can we do when they don't seem to care?

We had the same problem at Gordon. Are they the big flying cockroaches, or the smaller, indoor variety? What often happened while we were there is that housing would bomb one house, so the roaches would just take up residence at the next house. Yuck. My best suggestion with that particular housing agency is to be a squeaky wheel - call the maintenance line every day until someone comes out to spray for roaches. Give it a week. If nothing happens, have your DH mention it to his 1SG, then let it go up the chain of command. You can also ICE the housing agency yourself.

Glad to hear that all is well with you and your family. Congrats on surviving the move!


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## Soul-O

Question for you all..

Now that you've been living the military lifestyle for awhile, do you find that you get the "PCS itch" about two years after living at a particular duty station? We've been at Lewis for almost two years now, and I'm already looking at housing for our next move (Ft. Huachuca for MI Captain's Career Course). Am I crazy? I suppose it comes from living in the same little town for the first 16 years of my life, and having a bit of wanderlust as a result. I especially think I'm a little batty because I'm 37w3d pregnant with DS #5, and shouldn't even be devoting an ounce of brain power to the idea of PCS-ing







.


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## MaerynPearl

re: the roaches

my mom had a horrible problem with them in navy housing in S.D.

they ended up moving with our family into our new home back in illinois and it took them YEARS to finally get rid of them (bombing, sprays, nothing completely worked)

i will find out from her what finally did it.


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## ~Katie~

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Question for you all..

Now that you've been living the military lifestyle for awhile, do you find that you get the "PCS itch" about two years after living at a particular duty station? We've been at Lewis for almost two years now, and I'm already looking at housing for our next move (Ft. Huachuca for MI Captain's Career Course). Am I crazy? I suppose it comes from living in the same little town for the first 16 years of my life, and having a bit of wanderlust as a result. I especially think I'm a little batty because I'm 37w3d pregnant with DS #5, and shouldn't even be devoting an ounce of brain power to the idea of PCS-ing







.

I'm the same way. It has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a planner and I have this crazy idea in my head that if I plan and know what to expect it'll decrease some of the stress and anxiety, though I don't know if it ever does. I think you do just get used to moving after a while, we're naturally nomadic people and places do get boring after a while and it's fun to see new places out there. I don't think we've ever found a place that feels like home yet, either.


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## EdnaMarie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Question for you all..

Now that you've been living the military lifestyle for awhile, do you find that you get the "PCS itch" about two years after living at a particular duty station? We've been at Lewis for almost two years now, and I'm already looking at housing for our next move (Ft. Huachuca for MI Captain's Career Course). Am I crazy? I suppose it comes from living in the same little town for the first 16 years of my life, and having a bit of wanderlust as a result. I especially think I'm a little batty because I'm 37w3d pregnant with DS #5, and shouldn't even be devoting an ounce of brain power to the idea of PCS-ing







.

I've never lived any place more than four years in my entire life (I was a child of hippies, then a humanitarian bohemian sort, finally military) and my average is 1.75 years in one town. I do get itchy feet! But I want my kids to have more stability so we're hoping to move around Germany for a while now so we can get them in the schools and such.


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## justKate

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Soul-O* 
Question for you all..

Now that you've been living the military lifestyle for awhile, do you find that you get the "PCS itch" about two years after living at a particular duty station? We've been at Lewis for almost two years now, and I'm already looking at housing for our next move (Ft. Huachuca for MI Captain's Career Course). Am I crazy? I suppose it comes from living in the same little town for the first 16 years of my life, and having a bit of wanderlust as a result. I especially think I'm a little batty because I'm 37w3d pregnant with DS #5, and shouldn't even be devoting an ounce of brain power to the idea of PCS-ing







.

Depends on where we are. I didn't want to leave our last assignment AT ALL, and we had asked for an extension right when we found out that Huz got into the school program he's doing now. Bleh. It was the right thing to do for his career, but hard for both of us to leave.

Our next move will be this year--June?--and we won't have orders until mid-February.







Is it just the Coast Guard that does it this way? It drives me crazy to be thinking all winter about where we'll be. It's hard not knowing, because I'd like to plan. Plus this time we'll have to rent our house here, which will be a whole new experience.

Soul-O, how's the pregnancy going? It's November already, can you believe it?


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## ~Katie~

New thread for November and December


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