# My toddler won't let me DO ANything!



## femalephish (Feb 3, 2009)

I don't even mean housework, but things that you enjoy? I cannot read a book/magazine, write/type, play the guitar, sew or knit while my daughter is in the room. She plays well by herself sometimes but when I start to do something she wants whatever I have. I DO enjoy playing with her but I like to do other things sometimes, too! Is this a stage? When will I be able to do something with her in the room without her trying to steal/investigate/pull-whatever-I'm-using out of my hands? She's 13 months now.

I litterly can't play with her anymore than I am already.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

It's a stage and I hear it lasts between three to ten years. No, seriously, it depends on the kid. For some kids, attention merely switches from the thing to the mom. My first daughter has always been good at playing by herself but at 13 months, knitting? Hah!

I personally don't do stuff while my kids are awake. Housework is tricky but I let her do it with me... I even switch out brooms with her as she always wants mine because it seems to her to work better...









If my husband were here, he'd take the kids while I engaged in my hobbies. He's not. Oh, well! If we conceive a third now, that's only 1,385 days until the youngest will be in pre-school. That's not even as long as high school took.


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## femalephish (Feb 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EdnaMarie* 
It's I personally don't do stuff while my kids are awake..

Ummmm... You don't do anything for you? All day? Like 12 hours all childcare? I don't think I can do that. I'm freakin' bored! I feel like a bad Mama now, can I be the only one? I mean, she's one. ONE. I love watching her but there are only so many times that I can read the same book or watch her put her blocks into her box and take them out again. You KNow?


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

If you get her a little quarter-size guitar she might play it while you play the guitar.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

I think she meant hobbies or things that you wouldn't let a toddler play with, that she doesn't do them while her kids are awake.







Anything that my kids can't have also only get taken out at naptime or bedtime, any other time and they are crowded around me like feral animals. Toddlers are the worst, well preschoolers aren't that far away either, but they just follow you around all day and want everything you have.

I don't do nothing all day but accomplish a lot, I do have to be willing to share what I am doing. Folding the laundry means little hands pulling it all back out, vacuuming is the toddler chasing it around the house while the 3y is screaming for me to turn it off, mopping means the preschooler stole my mop and the toddler is now inside of my mop bucket sitting in the soapy water.







The good news is that with "lots of help" something that used to take a couple of hours now takes an entire day therefore I never ever run out things that have to be done, the bad news is the never ending to do list.


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## 2timestrouble (Aug 11, 2010)

I think is normal for this age, if makes you feel better it doesn't last for ever. My kid gives me a couple minutes brake here and there now, but she was like a sticker around 1. When I need to get things done that my daughter can't do, l find something that she likes to do a lot.
My kid loves play with water, in never fail, she likes play with her sister DS but we not always can use it. She love some shows.
To be honest there is not many things that I do that she can't do, but for example when I study she wants my book, so in those times I have to give her something that she likes more. This not always work, so sometimes if I just stop for a minute and play with her for 5 minutes she will then move on into something else. And to be honest there are sometimes that I just have to tell her plain: No, this is mamy's stuff, she may fake cry for 3 minutes but she move on, if she doesn't normally is because she is either hungry or tired.
Anyway, bottom line is don't worry, this too will pass, with my older daughter is me the one that have to look to get to do together things that she likes, lol.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Totally normal--it will pass. You aren't going to have much free time until 24 months+. I've been able to take DD to the library for the last few months (she's 34 months right now) and read a magazine while she plays. So there's hope, but you are probably expecting too much right now, your LO is just 1 and still a baby.

I did find that if I set up 'contraband' and let DD find it that she would play for quite some time. But she had to feel like she was pulling a fast one on mommy for some reason for it to work.
















V


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

I feel your pain. DS has been like this since birth. He's 18 months now & showing no signs of letting me do anything anytime soon. A 3-minute shower is a luxury & DS won't even let me eat meals. I WAH to maintain health insurance so I can't even use nap times etc. to work some enjoyable activity into my day. If he's asleep, I'm working. If he's awake, I'm entertaining him. And I'm not someone who enjoys playing to begin with.

I enjoy getting out of the house, & he hates being home too, so we go to playgrounds, nature walks, shopping, walk around the block, playdates, library, etc. I hate sitting home & playing with toys, and I can only read to him for so long, I need mental stimulation...

Can your DH give you 'time off' when he's home so you can do your fun activities?


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *femalephish* 
Ummmm... You don't do anything for you? All day? Like 12 hours all childcare? I don't think I can do that. I'm freakin' bored! I feel like a bad Mama now, can I be the only one? I mean, she's one. ONE. I love watching her but there are only so many times that I can read the same book or watch her put her blocks into her box and take them out again. You KNow?

I don't play with them the whole time. I do get my chores done. I finally have them napping simultaneously (this was harder than giving birth) so I can take a nap. But I find it too frustrating to start something really enjoyable and have it interrupted... again.

So... no. I don't. When my older daughter goes to pre-school, I may jog with the jogging stroller. I have also tried sporadically to get into a gym habit using gym daycare (did not work out when baby was younger).

Music? Knitting? PAINTS? Writing? No. I'm the artistic type and those sorts of hobbies are not compatible with waking toddlers.

Gardening is a good hobby with little ones.

I had easy babies--sounds like yours was, too*--so it was difficult to come to terms with them getting all needy and active, LOL. But I had to.

As I said... just a little under 1,500 days until the youngest is in pre-school, less if we don't have #3.

*I only say this because if she wasn't, you'd have posted this 12 months ago.


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## Laur318 (Nov 25, 2008)

"The good news is that with "lots of help" something that used to take a couple of hours now takes an entire day therefore I never ever run out things that have to be done, the bad news is the never ending to do list."

YEAH I totally feel you there!
LMAO

Sure does take all day and you never do run out of things to do


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *femalephish* 
Ummmm... You don't do anything for you? All day? Like 12 hours all childcare?

Naptime?


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

My kiddo is like that too.. I finally have her leaving me alone with the computer after months of moving and distracting her and all sorts of stuff. but I definitely don't try to read and writing just causing coloring issues. Don't even get me started there... I don't allow her to color anymore even though she LOVES it because I can NOT deal with it right now. Painting would be a joke. I can't hardly cook without her climbing the oven.

Mine is a few months older than yours. She is getting better but it definitely seems like something that will last awihle. It doesn't help that she can't seem to figure out how to play with toys. She has almost no interest.


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## Italiamom (Mar 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Violet2* 
I did find that if I set up 'contraband' and let DD find it that she would play for quite some time. But she had to feel like she was pulling a fast one on mommy for some reason for it to work.
















This seems to work for DS. I'll take away something that he can have a few times, and then finally "give up" and "let" him have it. And then he'll play with it for 15 or 20 minutes. I still wouldn't be able to knit, but it will occasionally work to let me do some dishes.

I feel your pain mama. My house is a disaster, it's practically impossible to get anything done. I know some mamas seem to have laughed at your situation, but it's really, really hard when you're in it.


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## femalephish (Feb 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy* 
I feel your pain.
I enjoy getting out of the house, & he hates being home too, so we go to playgrounds, nature walks, shopping, walk around the block, playdates, library, etc. I hate sitting home & playing with toys, and *I can only read to him for so long, I need mental stimulation...*

This is JUST how I feel.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Italiamom* 
I feel your pain mama. My house is a disaster, it's practically impossible to get anything done. I know some mamas seem to have laughed at your situation, but it's really, really hard when you're in it.

Thank you so much. It really feels like no one is bothered at all by this. My in real life mom friends are talking about when to have more children and I just feel like this is still SO. Hard. And no one else seems challanged by it. Thank you. Thank you.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Oh, no, I am bothered, but I can't give them up now, so I really have to accept it. What can I do? I can't cry about it, I'd be crying for the next fifteen hundred days because I can not change it.

For intellectual stimulation I listen to NPR while I do my chores. It's like reading the paper.

You could get a babysitter.


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## Neera (Jul 15, 2007)

My 3 1/2 yo is defintely a lot less clingy but at your dd's age forget about it. Even now she can go "mommy, mommy" about, I'd say 50 times a day. I was totally burned out with her neediness. I know I am a bad mom for doing this but, I'd put her in her high chair to let her watch some dvds. She really wouldn't watch more than 1. I did take her out to a toddler program around 18 mo but because we had to get there on time and follow so many rules it was tough. With her doing things at the v. last minute (pooping, peeing and leaking her pants etc) and not exactly sitting quiet for story time (the little ones are/were expected to not move or make any sounds as it disturbs other toddlers







). Not much advice other than a lot of patience.


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## Peony (Nov 27, 2003)

It it will be hard, it takes a while to get into a groove and then just when you do, they go through another phase and change. That is the one constant, that you can never count on anything.







I guess at this point I am *mostly* not bothered by it, only because my oldest is 7.5 so this has been my life for the past 7.5 years. There is nothing I can do about it so I just accept it. I can say that as a mom of 3 children now, I get more "me" time now then I did with just 1 or two, not that it is any easier, so much harder the more children you have, but now I am more apt to make my time happen because otherwise it never will. I hire sitters, Dh and I spilt up the kids or play pass off so that one of us gets some time alone, we didn't used to do that. Hang in there, some day it will get better, I am **** waiting on that day as well, if I stopped having babies then that day would come sooner!


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

DS has been like that for about a year. I do not do anything while he is awake, I cannot even eat because he will have a meltdown if I eat or drink. I cannot sew or look at stuff, no way. Sometimes if I buy Annies cheddar bunnies he will eat them and let me check emails for 10 minutes... But overall, I have to be available at all times. During his nap I eat and relax, and when he goes to bed I eat again and relax. When DH is home he takes care of DS so I can get around to other stuff.
DS is very high needs that way. He hates most foods and will not eat anything but bread, yogurt, Wholefoods cereal and homemade waffles. If I want this kid to eat fruits or veggies or meat, I will have to get a feeding tube. I'm about to rip out my hair of desperation. Everybody else in the family has easy peasy kids who like to eat and play alone, just I do not, and I'm pregnant and exhausted. It is absolutely horrible!( on top of it, I have DH's grandma here who will tell me all day how terribly bad I'm doing as a housewife, not cleaning cooking or whatever).


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## octobermoon (Nov 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peony* 
I think she meant hobbies or things that you wouldn't let a toddler play with, that she doesn't do them while her kids are awake.







Anything that my kids can't have also only get taken out at naptime or bedtime, any other time and they are crowded around me like feral animals. Toddlers are the worst, well preschoolers aren't that far away either, but they just follow you around all day and want everything you have.

I don't do nothing all day but accomplish a lot, I do have to be willing to share what I am doing. Folding the laundry means little hands pulling it all back out, vacuuming is the toddler chasing it around the house while the 3y is screaming for me to turn it off, mopping means the preschooler stole my mop and the toddler is now inside of my mop bucket sitting in the soapy water.







The good news is that with "lots of help" something that used to take a couple of hours now takes an entire day therefore I never ever run out things that have to be done, the bad news is the never ending to do list.











very entertaining post!
thanks.


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## Neera (Jul 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
( on top of it, I have DH's grandma here who will tell me all day how terribly bad I'm doing as a housewife, not cleaning cooking or whatever).


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## jenP (Aug 22, 2002)

My five-year-old has just in the past few months started to play by himself with toys for short periods.
Both my kids were high, high needs from birth and not much for napping (#2 was even a colic baby) and yeah, it sucks never having any time to yourself or even a little break. But, as previous poster said, you can't give them back now! Just got to deal and remind yourself it will eventually change.
Two things that may help: 1, get a babysitter or mother's helper for little breaks. Even just an older neighbor kid, like a 10-year-old, will have some energy and enthusiasm to play with your baby when you are burnt out, so baby is happy and you can read or play guitar or something and recharge your batteries. And because you are actually at home, this kind of help is cheaper. (Warning, though, if your kid is like mine, they know you are home and may refuse to play with anyone else and just scream for mama!)
and 2-try to find things to do with your child that you will find some kind of stimulation or enjoyment in. Try to make you both happy as much as possible, so you don't feel like a total slave to her whims. I always enjoyed painting with the kids, or play-doh, as well as going to the park. Playing with batman action figures, not so much!

Good luck!

Jen


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## saoirse2007 (Sep 4, 2007)

I am flippin losin' it!!!!

I have a 3 1/2 yr old and a 1 yr old..

I just want 30 min to workout!

grrrrrrr!

the 3 yr old does not nap and my 1 yr old barely does....needs me to put her down as I think all cosleeping kiddos do.

my post wont help either one of us, but you are not alone- not a flippin' second for yourself---

I would not be so angry if it were the "norm", but it seems like everyother mom I meet has a tidy house, kids that nap and go to bed early on their own, and to stab my heart today I ran into a friend who is doing the p90x work out disks (she has a 2monthold and a 3 yr old stepdaughterthat is part time) that I gave her because I could not get the freakin time to do them...and her hous eis tidy


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## SpartyGuard (Oct 24, 2007)

I don't even entertain the idea of having a hobby or interest of my own. I haven't figured out how to get the dishwasher emptied, dinner cooked, etc., let alone anything recreational. I WOH and have a limited amount of time to fit that stuff in as it is so having a toddler underfoot all.the.time gets frustrating real quick! DD just will not play by herself.

I'm lucky in that DH will help when he's around but right now is busy season at work so I'm in single-mom mode.

So yes, OP, I totally hear you and understand your frustration!!


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## browneyeNYmomma (May 12, 2010)

All I can say is THANK YOU for posting this! You have made me feel like I am normal... and not like there is something wrong with my child or that I am a bad mom like some people insinuate!


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## dejagerw (Jan 5, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nia82* 
on top of it, I have DH's grandma here who will tell me all day how terribly bad I'm doing as a housewife, not cleaning cooking or whatever.

You should tell his grandma that you're not just a housewife. You're a stay at home mom. I consider a housewife someone who doesn't have kids to raise, just a house to keep and food to cook.


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## nia82 (May 6, 2008)

@ dejagerw: I know. But I only have to deal with her for 2 weeks a year, so I don't feel like picking a fight. It is horribly annoying though. Comments like: oh let's put the laundry away so your DH won't see it when he comes home! (Seriously, as if he cares. He finds those comments totally funny and ignores it and tells me to ignore it too, but a rough-phase with a toddler with pregnancy is sort of a hard situation, and stuff just gets to me!)... It's also the generation, my grandparents were no different... Yikes. I consider myself a SAHM, and that's a heck of a job! (DH's grandma always worked and took the kids everywhere and thinks SAHMs are lazy anyways - no point in proving myself or whatever!).


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## gagin37 (May 25, 2008)

my ds plays well by himself, and once he became mobile, I got a little more freedom. Sure, there are days when he is in my hair and up my butt all.day.long. but I let him do his thing, and he lets me knit or surf the internet. I can't read while he's awake now, and he doesn't nap anymore, so I have to save that for after bedtime. He LOVES the daycare at the YMCA that we belong to, so I go to the gym and swim 4x a week, and that is the bulk of my 'mommy alone' time. dh will keep him sometimes in the evening if i need to lay down before dinner, or on the weekends if I want to run errands alone.


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## saoirse2007 (Sep 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gagin37* 
my ds plays well by himself, and once he became mobile, I got a little more freedom. Sure, there are days when he is in my hair and up my butt all.day.long. but I let him do his thing, and he lets me knit or surf the internet. I can't read while he's awake now, and he doesn't nap anymore, so I have to save that for after bedtime. He LOVES the daycare at the YMCA that we belong to, so I go to the gym and swim 4x a week, and that is the bulk of my 'mommy alone' time. dh will keep him sometimes in the evening if i need to lay down before dinner, or on the weekends if I want to run errands alone.

sooo jealous...wish i could afford a gym and or some kind of daycare...closest relative is 3000km away


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