# 5 year old still pooping pants....



## Aquafina (Oct 2, 2006)

I dont know what to do anymore I am at my wits end.I refuse to get mad or angry with him.He pees in the toilet but poops his pants.....I have thrown away so many undies that I bought pull ups......I have let him wear undies and then there pooped.....He lies about pooping.And now he plays in his poop it was all over his hands...A kid at the bookstore even told him he was stinky







I have tried probotics,enzymes,mirlax,milk of magnisa,kidlax....Nothing has helped what do I do hes 5 years old and his Little sibling actually has interest in using the toilet at almost 2...I feel so bad and like I have failed the good mommy test somehow.......TIA


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## Jenelle (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aquafina* 
I have tried probotics,enzymes,mirlax,milk of magnisa,kidlax....Nothing has helped

Okay, is this a digestive issue (like he can't MAKE it to the bathroom) or a discipline issue? I just want to clarify the situation before I start giving out advice.

I have 3 boys, and to me it does not seem normal at all that a 5-year-old would *choose* to poop in his pants and/or _play_ with poop. As always, I am sure there are other mothers who will come along and disagree with me, but... Here's my experience. At the age of just-turned-5 my oldest went to full-day kindergarten and never once had a problem using the toilet and wiping himself. I also have an almost-4-year-old who uses the toilet consistently and would never even _think_ of playing in poop.

Now, as far as what you can actually DO about it... I would need a little more background info.


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## SarahGuinn (Mar 6, 2002)

I think using words like "normal" and telling the OP how well your children are doing in this aren't really helping at all.

Are you guys in public school? Home? Can you use naked butt time to help? Have you implemented charts? Rewards? Talked to your ped? Why are you using the supplements, has he had painful poops in the past?


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## Aquafina (Oct 2, 2006)

Quote:

Okay, is this a digestive issue (like he can't MAKE it to the bathroom) or a discipline issue? I just want to clarify the situation before I start giving out advice.

I have 3 boys, and to me it does not seem normal at all that a 5-year-old would *choose* to poop in his pants and/or play with poop. As always, I am sure there are other mothers who will come along and disagree with me, but... Here's my experience. At the age of just-turned-5 my oldest went to full-day kindergarten and never once had a problem using the toilet and wiping himself. I also have an almost-4-year-old who uses the toilet consistently and would never even think of playing in poop.

Now, as far as what you can actually DO about it... I would need a little more background info.
Oh he can make it to the bathroom he goes to the bathroom to pee in the toliet sometimes he will go in there take the poop out of his pants and say look mom I poop in the toilet







I have seen him doing this a few times....I agree this is weird behavior for a 5 year old as his sibling almost 2 actually wants to use the toilet and has interest in it....

Quote:

I think using words like "normal" and telling the OP how well your children are doing in this aren't really helping at all.

Are you guys in public school? Home? Can you use naked butt time to help? Have you implemented charts? Rewards? Talked to your ped? Why are you using the supplements, has he had painful poops in the past?
Thank You for the hugs







I am homeschooling him And part of the reason is the soiling the pants I know kids can be bullys and I dont want him to be called the stinky kid as I know it would break his little heart,and he has told me it made him mad when the boy at the bookstore called him stinky......I have done charts,and rewards,I have talked to the ped they gave me the laxative ideas,they said I really need to give a enema everyday I did once,my son wont let me now he says it scares him and I respect that.He has had really painful poop in the past and some really big adult man size ones before,the one time he did get a enema and it was very smell like it sat in there forever......TIA

I just so want him to poop in the toilet and not play in his pants or think he has to hide to use the toilet,when he was little around 2 he slipped in the toilet once it really scared him and I was teaching him about using the bathroom


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## Jenelle (Mar 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SarahGuinn* 
I think using words like "normal" and telling the OP how well your children are doing in this aren't really helping at all.

I guess it depends on what your definition of "helping" is. I had every intention of trying to be helpful on this thread. Yes, I could have just read it and moved on like... oh, 40+ other people have done, but instead I was the first to respond. It's not because I have nothing better to do. It's because I _want_ to help. I feel bad for Aquafina, and I feel bad for her child. Just because I didn't add a bunch of hugs at the bottom doesn't mean I don't care.

To me it seems that "Step 1" has been reached, as in, admitting that there is a problem. And now she is seeking help. Perhaps I was providing my "experience" as a way of 1) confirming that I, too, believe there is reason to be concerned at this point, and 2) letting the OP know that I have successfully helped 2 boys through the potty-learning process, therefore, it _can_ be done without all this stress she is going through.

SarahGuinn, I realize that you are upset beyond words about your own potty-training issues, so in the spirit of being a kind and helpful mom at MDC,







.


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## mrsfatty (Dec 21, 2004)

CAN he poop on the toilet? How frequently has he pooped on the toilet? Does he KNOW he's going to poop--or is it sneaking up on him? How regular/frequent of a pooper is he? Does he know your expectations of where he is to poop? What role does he have in "cleaning up" after the "accidents"? Do you feel like he's treating his underwear as diapers intentionally, on accident, or just oblivious?

Is he wearing boxers or briefs?

Maybe switch and encourage him to "learn" a different feel...and then it won't be so "comfortable" to poop like he's used to.

He's probably old enough to have a conversation with him "how to talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk" style:
To Problem-Solve
Step 1. Talk about the child's feelings and needs (ask how he feels about pooping in underwear instead of on the toilet--try not to put words in his mouth--what are his needs in this situation)
Step 2. Talk about your feelings and needs. (talk about your feelings and needs in regards to the pooping in the pants)
Step 3 Brainstorm together to find a mutually agreeable solution (the key to this is let him come up with all the ideas he can think of first and then you start to write down your ideas--he can add if he thinks of more as you have your "turn")
Step 4. Write down all ideas-without evaluating. (don't talk about whether it's a good or bad idea or if it needs to be modified--just write them down--no matter how outrageous)
Step 5. Decide which suggestions you like, which you don't like, and which you plan to follow through on. (when the list is done, THEN you can say that something doesn't work for you or if you think something COULD work, but maybe it needs to be tweaked--and see what you can come up with)


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

You might try googling *functional encopresis*. If there is no physical reason, and he can use the potty but won't, this is pretty much what is left.

Its not that uncommon, but so frustrating and worrisome to deal with.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My first thought here is some kind of physical problem- is he aware of the urge to defacate before it happens? Knowing how to get to the bathroom to pee isn't the same thing as knowing when he's going to defacate, and knowing in time to get to the toilet.

Everything else could be from embarrassment and fear of upsetting you over the toileting issues. He might be lying about pooping in his pants because he doesn't want to upset you. Is he "playing with his poop" or putting his hands in his pants to scratch or something and then only afterwards realize there's poop there?

Also, why are you throwing out the soiled underwear? Why not dump the poop into the toilet and wash the underwear? Even if it gets stained it's still quite usable.


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## MrsMacTaggart (Aug 18, 2013)

Well my son is 5 and I am going through the same issue. We have tried everything from the littlest to the largest of changes. We have gone to specialist's, we have done the miralax/stool softeners, putting him in pull-ups or diapers. I'm at the end of my rope I cannot be dealing with this anymore. School will not allow him to go, i refuse to pay to home school him... WHAT DO I DO??????


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## swd12422 (Nov 9, 2007)

Have you heard about Soiling Solutions? I have no direct experience, but it is mentioned frequently on another forum I'm on. (DS2 has some crazy GI issues that we are working on solving, and I'm REALLY hoping to avoid ending up where you are now.)


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## sbarr_NY (Oct 19, 2010)

I have a somewhat boring approach that can work very well - Nudie butt... as a rule, IMO, a child will not willingly pee or let feces tumble down his/her leg. I don't know your family dynamics about clothing, but when I potty trained my daughter we went "commando". No pants, undies or diaper. I had step stools, child size toilets in multiple rooms and let it happen. It took a few days.

Epiphany moment - she stood there and peed on her blanket one evening - I got up, got her blanket and put it in the wash. You should have heard the screams when I took her blanket away, but it was smelly and wet. I got a lot of mileage out of that trauma without blinking and eye apologetically took her blanket and washed it - she was horrified, screaming, lost her beloved blanket for a couple of hours - I milked that for weeks.







We still joke about it now that it's not traumatic.

No punishment, just natural consequences.

I got lucky on that one, but along with the same lines - had she peed or pooped on the floor, I calmly made her clean the mess, not as a punishment, but with the same matter of fact: "if you spill a glass of milk, you clean it" - "if you pee on the floor, you clean it - I didn't pee on the floor, why should I clean it up?"

I put in two votes for nudie butt if you can accommodate it at home....it just works!


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## jmarroq (Jul 2, 2008)

You mentioned he fell in the potty once as a toddler while potty training. For him, that could have been a significant trauma. If he pees standing up, he may just be afraid to sit on a potty to poop. That may be why he grabs it out of his pants and puts it in the potty. I think there is a psychological factor here, combined with a medical issue perhaps.

Sometimes kids just hold their poop, for whatever reason (fear of pooping due to past trauma like a painful poop, etc.) and it makes their bowels stretch, and then it causes problems with feeling the urge to go potty.

The fact that he plays in it is odd at that age. He may not be able to control his bowels, but that is not an excuse to make the mess worse than it already is. I would want to break him of that habit ASAP, since it can be a health hazard. Do you have insurance that would cover some behavioral therapy? I may be going that route pretty soon with my 6 year old who "spits up" after every meal and has had every GI test in the book and has been on GERD meds forever. She spit up 34 times after lunch the other day...just hours after having a negative barium swallow test.

My son has some odd potty behaviors for a 10 year old. He forgets some or all of the steps to using the potty sometimes (wiping, flushing, washing). He had fine/gross motor delays, sensory issues, among other delays, so some stuff just took forever to click. I am hoping his hygiene habits click pretty soon. So far he doesn't stink...but once he hits puberty he will if he doesn't start washing more thoroughly. I have to constantly remind him to wash...and when he brushes his teeth...he barely puts pressure on the brush and it takes like 2 seconds! I try to brush his back teeth for him sometimes and he freaks out...sensory thing I suppose.


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## MountainMamaGC (Jun 23, 2008)

We are doing the UCanPoopToo program with some success. My daughter has severe bowel withholding issues aka encopresis. Basically their colon gets so stretched out they cant even tell that they have to poop, or if they do feel it they automatically clench until the feeling passes. Or the poop gets so big in the stretched out colon that it can not pass, and liquid poop leaks out around the solid mass. I give my daughter senna laxatives daily, clean her out with a suppository if she goes longer than 2 days, and get her to work the program, and it seems to be working for now. At least with the laxative we are no longer planning our lives around her pooping problems. Here is a link if you are interested. http://www.ucanpooptoo.com/our-program

*If its encopresis, it is not a potty training problem. There is no diet change or potty training method that will make it go away. Its a real medical and psychological problem that requires long term treatment.*


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