# sister used name



## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I had asked my sis not to use my son's name when she found out she was having a boy. Months later, this new baby has my son's name for a middle name. I am sad, angry, shocked and all kinds of feelings rolled into one. Why did she do this? Why did they not respect my feelings? Why?

Start a family feud? Never speak to my sis and her husband again? I'm literally sick with all my feelings.

Am I nuts to feel this way? It has been many years but my son is still special to us and we often talk about the times we had expecting him, he's part of my family, even still.

Please keep me in your thoughts.


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

Did she use your son's name to honor your son or just because she liked the name? Either way you had asked her not to and she disregarded your feelings. I'm so sorry.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

I'm not sure. I don't trust myself to talk to her just yet. I had mentioned to her husband that we would NOT consider it an honor.


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

Just a question, but could be possibly have thought it "didn't count" since they only used it as a middle name?

I can see this line of thinking - "Well, she doesn't want us to use the name, so we won't (as his given name). We will use it as a middle name. How often does anyone get called by their middle name anyway?"

Just wondering if maybe that's why they might have thought it didn't matter?


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

But, many folks do use a toddler's full name to get their attention. I still give my kids the "whole name" call to get them to pay attention to how they are behaving.

I really did not want to hear my son's name wafting around family gatherings the rest of my life. I wanted it to belong to us.

There are so many names out there, why did she have to recycle one of mine?


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## AmandaBL (Aug 3, 2004)

That sucks. I'm sorry.


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## fire_in_july (Jun 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom*
But, many folks do use a toddler's full name to get their attention. I still give my kids the "whole name" call to get them to pay attention to how they are behaving.

I really did not want to hear my son's name wafting around family gatherings the rest of my life. I wanted it to belong to us.

There are so many names out there, why did she have to recycle one of mine?











I'm really not defending her. I would have a problem if one of my family members used a name (even as a middle) that I had asked them not to, at least in a situation like yours.

I was merely theorizing as to why they might have not thought they were going against what you asked, and that popped into my head as one possible rationale of theirs.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

I know of a pair of sisters. One lost her baby past 20 weeks. The other sister used that baby's middle name for her baby when it was born a year later, to honor the passed-away one. Could it be that she did that?

In any case, since you asked her not to use the name, she shouldn't have. Period. I'm sorry this is opening up a raw wound for you.


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## JLav (Mar 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom*
I'm not sure. I don't trust myself to talk to her just yet. I had mentioned to her husband that we would NOT consider it an honor.

I'm so sorry that your sister would do that after you had made it clear that it would not be an honor to have their child named after yours. Maybe when it isn't so raw you can talk to your sister about it. I have the three most wonderful sisters in the world, so I have a really hard time imagining why any sister would do something intentionally hurtful...naive, I know.
Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm here if you need to talk.


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## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

That has got to hurt! I wonder why she would be so insensitive to you? I hope you can find a way to resolve it with her, even though you should take all the time you need, mama.


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## 1Plus2 (Mar 13, 2003)

I would be deeply hurt and saddened if either of my sisters did this to me. A name is a VERY personal thing and for her to use it ESPECIALLY after you asked her not to is so very wrong. I can imagine how this must feel like such a betrayal to you. If it were me - and I am a very emotional, talk from the heart kind of person - I would call her now while my feelings are raw and give her hell. She needs to know how deeply hurt you are by this. And even if she did think it was an honor to name her son after yours, she should have respected your feelings and listened when you said no.

HUGE hugs to you, Mama!!! Both for the loss of your son and the hurt your sister is causing you.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Thanks for all the kind words.

I had a rough night. This has put me back in the "raw grief" mode that I've been over for years. I wept long and hard and when I finally dozed off in the night I had bad dreams of losing my son all over again.

Managed to get through the day, tired and heart pounding, hands trembling. Still haven't had the guts to call sis.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

can you send her an email? I have found that much easier to do when I am dealing with insensitive family members, it gives me a chance to get everything I want to say in writting without being interupted, and I can go back and reread.

I am sorry you have to go through this, were you and your sister close before this?

take care

tara


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## GearGirl (Mar 16, 2005)

I think what she did is awful. Yes, there are many reasons why this might be an honor, but you told them you didn't feel that way, and if there is ever a time for family to respect you, it should be around something like this. I do think you should tell her, or have someone else tell her just how much she has hurt you, including the physical and emotional pain. I seriously can not think of any reason why a sister would do this, and I am so sorry that you have to deal with it. Perhaps you can e-mail her the link to this thread.


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