# I need Help!!!



## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Well around 5 pm yesterday; my front door and screen door was opened by my 2 year old. I was on the phone with my mom; going back forth to the living room, to kitchen; because, of doing dishes and on the phone.

2 year old, all of a sudden is missing. I told my 7 year old to call 911; get some shoes on and I ran outside no shoes, in the rain; yelling, "riley over and over" turns out, he had climbed down the dead end street, where we live and walked/ran onto the busiest streets in the world; pine lake avenue. I saw the cars stopped on the road, and all I could do was think of the worst so I broke down was on my knees and this lady comes out of no where; grabs me and walks my son and me across the street; she was telling me he is alright. I'm still on the phone with 911 at this point but I ended up hanging up/disconnecting with them because of the range. All I wanted was my son back. I never cried so much.

My problem is I know he is safe; I know he cares and loves me but I have all this guilt inside of me right now. The what ifs will not go away. The man who had stopped his car; would not look at me, which made me feel even more terrible; because somewhat I knew he had a point; and I would have been cold as well but I told him thank you anyway while I was crying. I was scared because of the cops had questioned me and all I could say, was it was my fault; because it was and I thought I was going to be arrested and my children takened away from me; but I know deep down it was an awful accident but the 2 cops walked to the side and discussed it and I was blessed and they said, you may go home. I have never been in trouble in my life. I try so hard to keep my kids so safe but not last night.

I don't know when the guilt is going to go away but I yelled at my 2 year old while I was crying and I told him you can't open these doors, you can't walk out this house. He started saying sorry and crying and than he started saying crying and wiping away my tears. He is just so precious to me and I just don't know what i'm going to do; because, I feel like I'm cracking. I fell asleep for 2 hours now it's past midnight and I woke up crying. All these thoughts of how people must think i'm a bad mother now, even though, I was for 2 minutes and it was 2 minutes too long without him; not knowing if he was safe. I feel like my mind will not be right for awhile and I don't know how to get it back to how it was, if that makes sense. I think I need to go seek some professional help.

I know god made everything all right last night but it's just not good enough for me. Out of 7 years of being a mother; I never messed up so badly ever. I guess I just need to forgive myself but I'm finding that very hard to do right now.

Thanks for taking the time out and reading.


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## quietserena (Apr 24, 2006)

Look at it this way: you can't change the things in the past. You can only change things coming your way in the future.

You are the best mother for your kids, the perfect mother, genetically. They are your kids, of your flesh. You brought them up onto their feet.

Sometimes things happen that serve to draw our attention to a potentially problematic situation. Maybe this is one of those things? Maybe this child needs a different sort of attention or childproofing than your other ones? I can't answer these questions for you, but you can.

It's ok mama.


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## elisent (May 30, 2006)

That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!


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## maygee (Dec 22, 2006)

It can happen to ANYONE- tell me one mother who wasn't at some point distracted for two minutes of their child's life. My neighbor across the street was pulling her sweater over her head and her toddler unlatched the front gate and ran into the street- seriously 5 seconds, latched gate, anyone would feel completely safe doing that, but it just happens. I certainly have been more distracted than that and was only lucky that my little one didn't decide to make a break for it then. I can tell by your post that you aren't a bad mother. As far as people judging you by that snippet of your life- if they do, then they're wrong- they have no clue what it really means to have bad things happen to caring loving attentive moms, and feel the need to judge in order to make themselves certain that it couldn't happen to you. I am so so glad your little one is safe. Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't a bad mom.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!

I agree completely.

If you have an escape artist get latches at the top of your doors or an alarm. No messing around some kids are just like that.










I am sorry. I am sure you are a bit of a wreck.







That sounds terrifying.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *quietserena* 









Look at it this way: you can't change the things in the past. You can only change things coming your way in the future.

You are the best mother for your kids, the perfect mother, genetically. They are your kids, of your flesh. You brought them up onto their feet.

Sometimes things happen that serve to draw our attention to a potentially problematic situation. Maybe this is one of those things? Maybe this child needs a different sort of attention or childproofing than your other ones? I can't answer these questions for you, but you can.

It's ok mama.










I agree with you; I was asking god, what I needed to do now, because this situation is totally different like you said; we just bought this house and always lived in apartments, where I guess you can say it's "safer." where it comes to the doors. I have gates but now I need latches as well for storm doors.

Thanks for writing back.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *elisent* 
That is so scary! I've had something similar happen, too.

My suggestion would be to put a latch inside at the very top of the door. If you have a determined creative climber they can still get out but it buys you a minute.

You can also get door alarms, or if you have an alarm system check to see if it has a door chime feature.

It sounds like you did everything right. Good job, Mama!

Definately, will be getting door alarms, while I finished my post up last night, I researched how to make a door safer, and the door alarm came up; there is one that GE makes where if the door is opened it makes a sound and when it closes it turns off. But i'm also going to put some sort of latch. I know children well, my son is a climber and a speed walker. My mind is much better; since, the dad "my fiance" came home from work this morning; he told me to not beat myself up over this and that we'll fix the situations/problems today. Thanks for responding!


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maygee* 
It can happen to ANYONE- tell me one mother who wasn't at some point distracted for two minutes of their child's life. My neighbor across the street was pulling her sweater over her head and her toddler unlatched the front gate and ran into the street- seriously 5 seconds, latched gate, anyone would feel completely safe doing that, but it just happens. I certainly have been more distracted than that and was only lucky that my little one didn't decide to make a break for it then. I can tell by your post that you aren't a bad mother. As far as people judging you by that snippet of your life- if they do, then they're wrong- they have no clue what it really means to have bad things happen to caring loving attentive moms, and feel the need to judge in order to make themselves certain that it couldn't happen to you. I am so so glad your little one is safe. Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't a bad mom.


That is what my fiance was telling me when he got home from work this morning. He told me if you want to see a terrible mom; look at my mom and the stories that I have told you growing up; if I could have chose my mom; she would have been like you. Funny, how people can say something and make your mind much better than what it was before. I'm glad there are mothers out there that aren't judging me but supporting me, which is a great thing! I am glad he is safe, because, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if the worst happened. My kids are my life and seriously, I can not live without them.

Thanks for taking the time out and reading; I really do appreciate it!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Most people who've ever had kids understand that toddlers are at a very dangerous age- big enough to physically do things, but too young to have common sense. I don't think anybody thought badly of you- running out barefoot in the rain to look for your missing toddler seconds after he ran off?

Now, had the police knocked on your door half an hour later with your found toddler in arms, with you responding "Huh? I didn't know he was missing?" people would have thought badly of you (and then CPS most likely would have been called.)

Your 2yo now has SOME inkling of what happens when he goes outside alone without permission- I doubt he understands the "I could have died" part, but he certianly understands how upset it made you, how other adults reacted, etc. I wouldn't count on that alone being enough to deter him from doing it again (he is, after all, only two) but it's starting to sink in.

IMO, you need to get much better locks on your doors- maybe a deadbolt high up, out of the child's reach? Maybe those plastic doorknob covers- or can she open those? I'd hesitate to put in anything that can't be opened from the outside, so adults don't get locked out.


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

By the time I was 2 1/2 I had escaped twice (once after mom had put two latches on the doors) and overdosed on an entire bottle of children's vitamins.

I remember the vitamins really well, how I used the chair to climb up on the counter and reach them on the very top shelf of the cabinet above the fridge! I puked forever in the ER!

it happens...now you know he can do it and that you have to be extra vigilant.


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## georgiegirl1974 (Sep 20, 2006)

How scary. I'm so glad your son is safe. I agree that it could have happened to anyone.

We have an alarm system in our house, and it has a setting where a chime sounds when any of the doors are opened. The alarm salesman said it was a great feature for anyone with kids, because it will alert you when the door is opened.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

i read somewhere (can't remember where now! but a mama wrote it...) that every mama gets a freebie... a situation that could have been devastating turns out ok.

you are not a bad mom. your son is safe. you're taking the steps that you can to keep him safe.








s


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

I'm glad it all turned out ok.

I learned to LOVE simple hook and eye latches installed WAY high up on our doors when my daughter was small. I even went so far as to check with the fire department about it as I was afraid it would hinder their getting in in an emergency, they assured me that it was the best option I had, and reminded me that they can get through things far more substantial than that without much hassle.

The alarms didn't work for my child, they just encouraged her to run faster towards the road. The doorknob covers defeated me, but she had them down in no time flat.

You do what you need to to keep your kids safe, and sometimes it takes a harsh wake up call to make us see that we need to go above and beyond the norm.


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## PaulaJoAnne (Oct 18, 2008)

My little nephew did that very thing several times around the same age. He could defeat anything put up to block him from escaping, except for one thing.
My brother installed a tiny hook latch at the very top of the doors. High enough so that he could not get a chair and undo it.
They just kept them engaged when they were inside.
They did not need them very long. Just until he fully understood that he had to have permission first and that mommy or daddy had to be with him when he went outside.
Using this idea will help put your mind at ease. It may be a bit of a pain, but it is only for a short season.
Little ones do things like this. They are just exploring and trying to figure out boundries.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *confustication* 
I'm glad it all turned out ok.

You do what you need to to keep your kids safe, and sometimes it takes a harsh wake up call to make us see that we need to go above and beyond the norm.

Amen! I totally agree with you. I have the kitchen on lock down and everything else but except for the obvious! Thanks again!


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Ruthla;13343878
IMO said:


> I am way ahead of ya! With all the advice I got earlier on here; I got myself an alarm and thinking of some good locks to put on, something my fiance can open by himself because I really don't want to get up every night just to unlock it for him, ya know?
> 
> I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtfulness, that was the most craziest time for me and I hope to never experience anything like that never again!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

: BTDT mama there is nothing so terrifying as a missing child even for a few seconds it makes your heart stop.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
i read somewhere (can't remember where now! but a mama wrote it...) that every mama gets a freebie... a situation that could have been devastating turns out ok.

you are not a bad mom. your son is safe. you're taking the steps that you can to keep him safe.








s

I am very greatful for this freebie! As you put it! Made me appreciate my life even more, there is no life without my children!


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## SophieU (Mar 3, 2009)

OMG!

Be thankful for what you have, be thankful everything is OK. So many people don't have second chances.
We have to move on in life no matter what, live the present, learn from the past.

Life is beautiful!!!


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MCatLvrMom2A&X* 







: BTDT mama there is nothing so terrifying as a missing child even for a few seconds it makes your heart stop.























Agreed! Now, I know what it feels like when a child gets kidnapped; not that he was but it felt like it! I felt like I died. It's truly a miracle to know/feel like someone elses life means more to you than your own.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SophieU* 
OMG!

Be thankful for what you have, be thankful everything is OK. So many people don't have second chances.
We have to move on in life no matter what, live the present, learn from the past.

Life is beautiful!!!

Always have been thankful; this has just made me even more thankful! hehe


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## lizajane30 (Mar 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trueyou2* 
The man who had stopped his car; would not look at me, which made me feel even more terrible; because somewhat I knew he had a point; and I would have been cold as well but I told him thank you anyway while I was crying.

I just want to point out that he could have been in shock or just devastated himself by the idea of what could have happened if he hadn't stopped in time. It probably wasn't anger you saw. It was probably also hard for him to witness such emotion coming from you, if he was imagining himself in your shoes. Maybe that's why he couldn't look.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)




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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lizajane30* 
I just want to point out that he could have been in shock or just devastated himself by the idea of what could have happened if he hadn't stopped in time. It probably wasn't anger you saw. It was probably also hard for him to witness such emotion coming from you, if he was imagining himself in your shoes. Maybe that's why he couldn't look.

you know what I never thought that at all. It could be a possibility; thanks for bringing that to my attention; somewhat puts my mind at ease a little more!


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

I put extra locks on the insides of my doors. I have used hook and eye locks in the past. These can only be manually opened inside. They are too high for even my 7 yr old to reach. Even when dh comes home, he has to knock or ring to get in. Of course, if we are not home, the extra locks are not on as there is no one inside to lock them.

This should ease your mind for the future. Your little escapee is likely to try it again.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

Door alarms are not enough. What if you are going to the bathroom? Running water or vaccuming? Or what if he sneaks out in the middle of the night. The locks should be placed high, so you and your dh have to reach up to unlock them.


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## Ironica (Sep 11, 2005)

Oh mama... I have been in a very similar place! Fortunately DS1 didn't go into the street, but distracted, just moved from an apartment to a house, two-year-old, calling 911... the whole bit! Also with the helpful neighbors.

We *immediately* rigged our old baby gate to the front porch railing with zip ties, and that weekend bought a barrel bolt to put high up on the door. (hook-and-eye wasn't an option, because we have a screen/security door made of metal, so we needed something that we could use metal screws with).

DS1, for his part, STILL remembers this and talks about it occasionally. When I saw him, toddling on back (a neighbor had seen him go tearing by and came out, asked him to show where his Mommy was), I was crying, and I told him over and over that Mommy was so scared, so scared when she didn't know where he was.

We don't have any particular need of the bolt anymore for DS1, but I'm really glad we've got it for DS2, who seems far more inclined to test boundaries.

Oh, and, sounds like you've got a good 'un there in your fiance. ;-) Congratulations!


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## Bellejar (Oct 2, 2005)

I have alarms on all my doors so if someone opens one I hear a loud BONG. It is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I am so sorry this happened to you. Now you know you have a wonderer, definately put a chain up high or something.


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## MilkbarMom (Mar 28, 2003)

Happened to me too, when my oldest was 2.5. After that we had an alarm system installed that chimed, and said which door was opened. It made ALL the difference.


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## Katerz2u (Jul 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkbarMom* 
Happened to me too, when my oldest was 2.5. After that we had an alarm system installed that chimed, and said which door was opened. It made ALL the difference.

Yep, we just went through this situation a few weeks ago with our 2 year old. We installed alarms on the door. They just stick with adhesive, were very inexpensive. I know how you feel mama, I was wrecked with guilt too.


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## JavaJunkie (Jan 16, 2009)

My oldest escaped our house when he was 2. Dh and I were both home, and he still managed to get out unseen. It was terrifying. We lived in a neighborhood that had retention ponds, and ds loved going down to them with dh. So my immediate thought was that he had gone down to the water. I had visions of him drowning. When we went out to look for him, I spotted our dog, first. I knew that ds had to be nearby, and he was. He was on top of the foundation that had been laid for a house that was being built(our neighborhood was new and not yet "finished").

I still can't believe that ds didn't go down to the water. We got so lucky.

I bought doorknob covers and those were sufficient at keeping ds inside. He couldn't operate them(and neither could any other person that came to our house, incidently!







).


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katerz2u* 
Yep, we just went through this situation a few weeks ago with our 2 year old. We installed alarms on the door. They just stick with adhesive, were very inexpensive. I know how you feel mama, I was wrecked with guilt too.










As sad as the situation was/is; it makes me feel better to know that there are parents with 2 years old who have done the same thing or almost the same thing! This house is on lock down! lol


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JavaJunkie* 
My oldest escaped our house when he was 2. Dh and I were both home, and he still managed to get out unseen. It was terrifying. We lived in a neighborhood that had retention ponds, and ds loved going down to them with dh. So my immediate thought was that he had gone down to the water. I had visions of him drowning. When we went out to look for him, I spotted our dog, first. I knew that ds had to be nearby, and he was. He was on top of the foundation that had been laid for a house that was being built(our neighborhood was new and not yet "finished").

I still can't believe that ds didn't go down to the water. We got so lucky.

I bought doorknob covers and those were sufficient at keeping ds inside. He couldn't operate them(and neither could any other person that came to our house, incidently!







).


Those doorknob covers are a pain, when I worked at a day care; i've never used them before; so without reading the directions on how to use them; took awhile; well maybe 1 minute but definitely too frustrating for a toddle to keep trying to figure out.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellejar* 
I have alarms on all my doors so if someone opens one I hear a loud BONG. It is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I am so sorry this happened to you. Now you know you have a wonderer, definately put a chain up high or something.

Thanks, we're heading out to menard's today to see what else we're going to get!


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trueyou2* 
Thanks, we're heading out to menard's today to see what else we're going to get!

Try the dollar store. Seriously. That's where I get door alarms. DS has autism so we've been on "lockdown" for years. He started escaping around 2 years old and, at almost 5 1/2, still tries to escape. We have little alarms on all the doors (they have sticky backs so they aren't perm. installed). If the door is opened a loud alarm sounds (and doesn't turn off until the door is shut). We used to get the alarms at Walmart/Target but about 1 1/2 years ago we found them at the dollar store. We decided to try them and they work as well as the more expensive ones (the only difference is that the more expensive ones have a loud alarm option and a chime option. The dollar store ones only have the loud alarm option, which is what we needed anyway).


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## hipmummy (May 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trueyou2* 
I am way ahead of ya! With all the advice I got earlier on here; I got myself an alarm and thinking of some good locks to put on, something my fiance can open by himself because I really don't want to get up every night just to unlock it for him, ya know?

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtfulness, that was the most craziest time for me and I hope to never experience anything like that never again!









: I just have locks high up and door knob covers. There is no way ds can escape. I skipped the alarms because I did not want to wake people as well.


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
Try the dollar store. Seriously. That's where I get door alarms. DS has autism so we've been on "lockdown" for years. He started escaping around 2 years old and, at almost 5 1/2, still tries to escape. We have little alarms on all the doors (they have sticky backs so they aren't perm. installed). If the door is opened a loud alarm sounds (and doesn't turn off until the door is shut). We used to get the alarms at Walmart/Target but about 1 1/2 years ago we found them at the dollar store. We decided to try them and they work as well as the more expensive ones (the only difference is that the more expensive ones have a loud alarm option and a chime option. The dollar store ones only have the loud alarm option, which is what we needed anyway).


Will definitely look there as well! Thanks for the advice. I never noticed alarms there before; I usually go there for basic need stuff; toilet paper, cleaning supplies etc.


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I feel awful after reading your post. I think it was just a accident and could have happened to anyone. I'm so happy he's okay! It will take some time, but the guilt will pass.

I know it's not the same thing, but I dropped my dd when she was 6 months old, while walking down the stairs. Long story, short - I tripped on a baby gate. Thank God her head landed on a baby wrap that was folded up on the side of the landing and she wasn't hurt. I felt very guilty too and the "what ifs" kept coming to mind. I hugged and held her so close that night thinking about how I was supposed to be the one who would always protect her and I didn't/couldn't. I also thought about how you always think things happen to other people, but that my baby was at risk, too. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I'm just thankful she was okay.

I realized accidents happen and it is scary that we can't control everything. Also, if my instincts tell me something is unsafe or could be a problem (like that baby gate) then I need to be safe instead of sorry and do something about it. It's amazing how your life can change in the blink of an eye.

I think that moms do little things everyday that could be possible risks but 99 out of 100 times or less nothing happens. Unfortunately, there is still that 1% chance.


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## chipper26 (Sep 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *maygee* 
It can happen to ANYONE- tell me one mother who wasn't at some point distracted for two minutes of their child's life. My neighbor across the street was pulling her sweater over her head and her toddler unlatched the front gate and ran into the street- seriously 5 seconds, latched gate, anyone would feel completely safe doing that, but it just happens. I certainly have been more distracted than that and was only lucky that my little one didn't decide to make a break for it then. I can tell by your post that you aren't a bad mother. As far as people judging you by that snippet of your life- if they do, then they're wrong- they have no clue what it really means to have bad things happen to caring loving attentive moms, and feel the need to judge in order to make themselves certain that it couldn't happen to you. I am so so glad your little one is safe. Be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't a bad mom.

This is soooo true.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

I just posted about a similar situation.

It happens to the best of us.

Im so glad that everything was ok.

Dont beat yourself up about it!







s


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

Oh mama, my heart is breaking for you just reading this. I can't imagine how terrified you were









You are not/were not a bad mother. EVERY ONE of us has those moments where we arent' on top of our game... and most of the time things are fine. Obviously you had a great scare and will make sure it doesn't happen again, but you can't beat yourself up over this. If you are still having trouble getting past this in a week or two, it probably wouldn't hurt to go talk to someone









Last week at a huge children's museum, which was very crowded, my 2 year old walked around a corner and I followed a few feet behind him. But when I turned the corner, he was gone. I looked in all directions, and it seemed like an ETERNITY before I spotted him behind some other children - only a few feet away. But those few seconds (probably less than 30 seconds) were absolutely terrifying and had me shaken up all day. So I can only imagine how I would feel going through what you did.

I'm SO glad you were able to find your DS unharmed. Try not to worry about what those people thought of you - they were only concerned for your son, as I'm sure any of us would be in their shoes.

So sorry this happened to you


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## trueyou2 (Mar 8, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chipper26* 
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I feel awful after reading your post. I think it was just a accident and could have happened to anyone. I'm so happy he's okay! It will take some time, but the guilt will pass.

I know it's not the same thing, but I dropped my dd when she was 6 months old, while walking down the stairs. Long story, short - I tripped on a baby gate. Thank God her head landed on a baby wrap that was folded up on the side of the landing and she wasn't hurt. I felt very guilty too and the "what ifs" kept coming to mind. I hugged and held her so close that night thinking about how I was supposed to be the one who would always protect her and I didn't/couldn't. I also thought about how you always think things happen to other people, but that my baby was at risk, too. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. I'm just thankful she was okay.

I realized accidents happen and it is scary that we can't control everything. Also, if my instincts tell me something is unsafe or could be a problem (like that baby gate) then I need to be safe instead of sorry and do something about it. It's amazing how your life can change in the blink of an eye.

I think that moms do little things everyday that could be possible risks but 99 out of 100 times or less nothing happens. Unfortunately, there is still that 1% chance.











You know what it was the same thing; because you felt the same way! I am also glad that your DD is fine! That had to be just as terrifying! We bought some locks today to go along with the alarm; the locks has some sort of key which is awesome! It's one of those chain locks; never seen one with a key before!


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