# The 10 Best things about a High Needs Baby



## jellybeanmumma

Ok so either the long term sleep deprivation has finally got to me or I've finally recovered my mojo, because as the dust settles on my first year with my wonderful DS I have realised a few things. We had a "good baby" staying with us this week. STTN, placid, calm (although only 12 weeks old so may change but probably not). I've got one word *BORING!!* Her parents got to eat meals uninterrupted, sleep uninterrupted, talk uninterrupted, shower uninterrupted, drive across state uninterrupted. And because she didn't interrupt them, their babe just kinda got swept up along with them and hardly noticed. Even by them. I'd thought before they arrived that I'd be jealous of this family as I have been know to get playgroup envy when I meet mellow kids. But honestly, I'm so glad DS chose us. This kid has spirit and he's ready to take on the world even if it may not be ready for him! So I've created my High Needs top 10 for those mum's still in the Dark Night of the Soul. And to remind myself on those days when I wish for a calmer life....

1. *High Needs Babes teach us non attachment.* Attached to sleep? Gone. Attached to showering daily or alone? Gone. Attached to me time? Us time? free time? A clean House? Gone. Gone gone gone. Its all about letting go!

2. *High Needs Babies let us practice selflessly serving another being.* Technically there is no self anymore. Just a set of boobs, some arms a lap and some legs (don't stop rocking, walking or bouncing whatever you do!!)

3.*High Needs Babies nurture our problem solving skills and our creativity.* How exactly will we get the washing up done with one hand? How will we solve nap time today? How can DH and I sneak a moment alone this month? What will today bring and how can we make this work? What the hell is wrong and how do I fix it? Quickly?

4. *High Needs Babes force us learn about parenting.* Before I had DS I used to joke that parents should have to take a course before they had kids. I bet you've had to do a self guided parenting 101 to figure your bub out!

5. *High Needs Babies force us to be present in the moment*. Caught up in getting from A to B? Rushing to get through the supermarket? Think again. Stop. Attend to baby. Stressed? Oh no he senses it..he's gonna blow..breathe, relax, focus on babe at hand...phew crisis averted!

6. *High Needs Babies give us extra hours in the day*. DH and I figured out that the reason this year feels like it has been so long is that we've been awake nearly the whole time so its more like 2yrs. So DS has effectively given us an extra year. (And grey hair and wrinkles but these just make us look wise beyond our years)

7. *High Needs Babies teach us tenacity*. We never ever give up even when we've given up. Cause we have no choice. When we get over giving up the baby is still there Needing us. Highly.

8. *High Needs Babes teach us about sharing.* Our time, our space, our bodies. Our mealtimes. Our showers. Our Me times.

9. *High Needs Babies teach us to include them in our world and acknowledge their individuality*. They will not just sit quietly in a carrier. Or sleep quietly in another room. Or play quietly on the floor. And by including them in our world and constantly holding them in our arms we form and amazing bond as only those who have suffered through adversity can.

10. *High Needs Babies make us strong*. Physically, emotionally, mentally. They test us constantly. Pacing the floor or the streets babe in arms is the ultimate workout no? Strap on a pedometer you'll be amazed. I was!!

_High Needs Babes teach us that we are more than we ever believed we could be. And when we reach the end of our rope we grow wings and learn to fly! One thing is for sure, life will never be dull with one of these kids around!!!_


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## proudmamanow

As the mama of a former High Needs baby who is now 5, I have to say that this is a great list!!

(though I must admit, I am still somewhat traumatized by that first year, even now, 4+ years later).


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## Quinalla

Love it







My baby was/is not as high needs as some, but definitely on that side of things, and it is a different world until they start getting that first tiny bit of independence, isn't it?

She's reaffirmed how important touch is to humans. I have a high touch need myself so it is nice to see how basic a need it truly is. That is one thing I have not experienced is the touched-out feeling, though I can sympathize with others about it.

She is so curious! Always wants to see what is going on, touch and mouth what she can, taste and smell and listen too all the amazing things in the world around her. She makes me appreciate things that normally I would just ignore. I get so many comments on how alert and awake she is since her eyes are always open wide and taking it all in!

She really makes me appreciate things I used to take for granted! Showering or using the toilet alone, luxuries beyond words! Sleeping for 5 hours in a row, absolute heaven!


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## konayossie

Aww, my high-needs baby is now 16 months and a super-energy, super-spirited toddler. Your list is wonderful--it made me laugh and cry. It's all so very, very true.

And you're not kidding about the physically stronger thing. I was in good shape before, but never did weight training, so my arms were a bit flabby. Not anymore! I now have quite bulging forearm muscles.

Thanks for reminding us of the positives; it's so easy to just focus on how hard these babies are.


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## Tway

DD is not the definition of "high needs", but she's very active and spirited and constantly on the go and doesn't sleep so well, so I appreciate your list, too!

We spend so much "on" time with DD, so I guess you can say we know her really well and have come to appreciate her uniqueness. I envy the sleep that parents of more passive babies get, but I also sense that the babies are kind of an add-on to their lives (not that they don't love them equally, just that they don't need to be "on" and therefore can go about life much as before).

And sometimes I just have to remind myself of these plusses when the going gets a little tough!


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## HappilyEvrAfter

Quote:


Originally Posted by *proudmamanow* 
As the mama of a former High Needs baby who is now 5, I have to say that this is a great list!!

(though I must admit, I am still somewhat traumatized by that first year, even now, 4+ years later).











If I had read your list in the midst of our first 2 years I _proooooobably_ would have wanted to jab a pencil in your eye (sorry, I hope you understand the loving sentiment attached to that! Lol.), but now I feel like that's a pretty accurate (and waaaaaaay more positive) way of dealing with the stress of a high needs child.
It's been a true test of personal strength and I believe I'm more aware of what I could now handle.
Life has gotten better for us, but I still feel like we live by this list *every* year in a different and new way.
Our first two years was a mothers version of military basic training. Tear down the spirit, retrain thoughts, program with protocal, enstill new values system with renewed spirit.

I give your list














.







^5 to you, momma.


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## scottishmommy

DD was a very easy baby, until she learned to move. Now she is the most energetic, curious toddler I have ever seen. Her nick name is "Taz" for Tasmanian Devil. It's exhausting, but so much fun. She's hilarious. I love being forced to get off my butt and chase her all the time. I forgot how interesting the world is! Now I notice every little thing because of dd's insatiable curiosity.


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## meemee

ooooooh can i add some more. a couple stand out to me from QUINALLA's post.

*11. High Needs Babies really makes us appreciate things that we used to take for granted.

12. High Needs Babies makes us notice and appreciate things that normally we would just ignore.
*







the list. FANTASTIC IDEA.























wish we could sticky this one.

i can SOOO relate. if one a scale of one to ten of how high needs your baby was , with ten being the most my kid would have been 11. i mean i had mom's of many telling me what a harder job i had compared to them - because i dont get any break. she still is 'high needs' in a different sorta way.

my high needs baby taught me how to be alive. how to only strive for the best. she never accepted anything less - even today. she is still different today and still marches to a different tune. she is never wishy washy. she knows exactly what she wants. i swear she came out of my womb knowing everything.

however the one that i truly, truly appreciate is she taught me how to be her mommy. she i feel literally came with her owners manual in her only language and screamed at me till i got it. oh boy was i whipped into shape when she had colic.

you know it was funny. i dont know why i wasnt traumatised. maybe because i love babies. i still remember holding her when she was a month old and staring at the revolving fan, and thinking 'eh? i was told newborns sleep more than be awake? when is she going to sleep'

as she grows older the deep philosopher she is, she calls me on things and teaches me to do the right thing, to discover my OWN needs. 'no mom. dont blame me. i am not making you angry. i am just being who i am. what is going on in YOUR life that's getting you so angry. look and find out.' she was 5. i remember that moment soooo well. i literally FELT all the anger drain out of my body. she was right.

she taught me life like nothing else has. and today as i look back or when friends talk and mention how hard my dd was - for some reason all those memories have been washed away. they no longer have the intensity at all. instead i remember all those precious moments and those have been magnified.

she forced me to go thru the dark night of the soul to find the blinding light at the end.


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## Peony

DD1 is 7, the first year of her life was horrid beyond belief. She is still exhausting but in different ways. The child who still does not STTN went down her first white water in her own kayak this morning! All of those qualities that can make her miserable to live with, has made her excel in so many things. Her never slowing down has turned her into one very active child who can out snowboard a number of adults. She is fearless, never gives up, if I listed her entire list of sports that she does and does well at, most people's heads would spin, but for her this is just life. All I can say is that she is going to be one adult to reckon with, now if I can just keep up until then







:


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## Tway

Just wanted to add a tanks for this thread. Last night was a rough one (and Mommy turned Mr. Hyde at 5 in the morning and ordered DD to please, for the love of god, go to SLEEP!), and this thread gave me the boost I needed this morning. It helped me refocus to see DD in her inquisitive, curious, larger-than-life light.

And thank you MDC Mommies for reminding me that so many others are going through the same things as we are. It's a great comfort and a boost to remind me we're doing the right things.


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## GatheringApples

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Peony* 
The child who still does not STTN went down her first white water in her own kayak this morning! All of those qualities that can make her miserable to live with, has made her excel in so many things. Her never slowing down has turned her into one very active child who can out snowboard a number of adults. She is fearless, never gives up, if I listed her entire list of sports that she does and does well at, most people's heads would spin, but for her this is just life. All I can say is that she is going to be one adult to reckon with, now if I can just keep up until then







:

THIS is what I remember each day when my higher-needs kids are just outdoing me. These are gifts they will have forever.


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## LuxPerpetua

My high-needs dd is 4.5 now and I totally relate to this. When I went to my post-partum checkup the doctor asked what we were using for birth control and I just laughed in her face. I really thought she was kidding (this was before I found out that not all new babies were like mine). My dd is still very high needs but it's different now and more manageable. I honestly don't know how we survived that first year. I still get envious when I see moms with placid babies but at least my dd now is more placid than most other preschoolers her age--probably from all that bonding we did the first year, LOL!


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## j_p_i

Thanks for this post, I loved it! I recently had a very similar experience to the one you (OP) wrote about. A couple of friends brought their two month over for a birthday dinner. He stayed in his carseat for a good period of time after they arrived. He slept by himself on the couch, and was held when he was "fussy" (seriously, a couple little squeaks!) and then put back down to fall asleep on his own. My 14 month old was running around, in my arms, making noise, and just so... involved! DH and I laughed when they left, because like you, I thought I'd feel jealous, and I so didn't! My DD isn't as high needs as some, but as a PP said she is definitely on that side of things. My DD is now a curious, smart, adventurous, and loving toddler, and if I had to hold her through dinners, pay 100% attention to her throughout the day, and bounce/nurse/rock her to sleep and let her sleep on me every single night (and nap!) for the past 14 months to cultivate those qualities in her, I say I couldn't be happier to do it


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## LaFlaca1226

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jellybeanmumma* 
When we get over giving up the baby is still there Needing us.

So well said. And not just with babies. Parenting is one of the only things you can't run away from, even when it all seems hopeless.


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## jellybeanmumma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HappilyEvrAfter* 








Our first two years was a mothers version of military basic training. Tear down the spirit, retrain thoughts, program with protocal, enstill new values system with renewed spirit.









Haha soo true! I could pretty much quote and







every response! I read them all to DH and we had a laugh. Love the responses from folks with older kids..so much to look forward to. We live in the The Snowy mountains in Australia so the pp that her daughter can out snowboard adults gave me a real positive to look forward to! It's great to know that we are not alone. I don't know any other high needs bubs IRL so its great to know we're not alone! Anyways there is a baby crawling up my leg so must go but thatnks for all the great replies!!


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## MrsFred

I couldn't read this and not reply. So very well put. I have had some of these exact same thoughts during the past 22 months of getting to know my DD, but never could have put it so eloquently. Thanks so much for posting this list!


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## miami mommy

Wow, great post! This really should be turned into a magazine article! It's all so true. Although parenting my DS is pretty stressful, he is forcing me to become a better person...more patient, more present, more grateful, less frustrated. Plus, I now have super toned arms and I'm well below my pre-pregnancy weight. So there are definitely a lot of good things about having a high-needs babe. I can say this right now because he's taking a nap (in the sling, though), but half an hour ago when I was desperately trying to get him to fall asleep, I might have had a different opinion.


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## InMediasRes

Wow, thank you so much for this.

My high needs baby is now 3.5 and still a whirlwind of energy and sleeplessness. But he is enthusiastic, passionate, loving, and empathetic to a fault. He seems to have come into the world with so much connection to it. He is endlessly fascinated with people and how the work and what they think and how they feel. His eyes are so bright and his hugs feel like they're going to squeeze all the negative energy right out of me.

I still cry a little over that first year. I was so deeply depressed, so stressed out, so tired that I was hallucinating, had so little support. It's taken a long time to get over the resentment of how much work he demanded. I'm still working on it. I wish I could go back and be there in the moment with him instead of desperate for sleep and space for myself.

And that said, my HN DS has taught me so much about myself, about my needs, about how to ask for help, about the help that others must need. He's taught me about taking care of myself and setting my own boundaries, about knowing what I believe and how to stand up for it - for him. He's taught me about being honest and forward and tolerant.

:sniff


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## maddymama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *InMediasRes* 
Wow, thank you so much for this.

My high needs baby is now 3.5 and still a whirlwind of energy and sleeplessness. But he is enthusiastic, passionate, loving, and empathetic to a fault. He seems to have come into the world with so much connection to it. He is endlessly fascinated with people and how the work and what they think and how they feel. His eyes are so bright and his hugs feel like they're going to squeeze all the negative energy right out of me.

I still cry a little over that first year. I was so deeply depressed, so stressed out, so tired that I was hallucinating, had so little support. It's taken a long time to get over the resentment of how much work he demanded. I'm still working on it. I wish I could go back and be there in the moment with him instead of desperate for sleep and space for myself.

And that said, my HN DS has taught me so much about myself, about my needs, about how to ask for help, about the help that others must need. He's taught me about taking care of myself and setting my own boundaries, about knowing what I believe and how to stand up for it - for him. He's taught me about being honest and forward and tolerant.

:sniff

Hi Mama,
I'm right there with you over the first year.... but I try daily to tell myself that I did the best I could, and that I'm a better mom right now than I ever could be.


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## HappilyEvrAfter

Quote:


Originally Posted by *InMediasRes* 
I still cry a little over that first year. I was so deeply depressed, so stressed out, so tired that I was hallucinating, had so little support. It's taken a long time to get over the resentment of how much work he demanded. I'm still working on it. *I wish I could go back and be there in the moment with him instead of desperate for sleep and space for myself*.

:sniff

Aw....







....me too. I feel this exact same way.

And, in addition, I wish I had known that this was just who my kiddo _is_...not something I was doing wrong to make him this way or that I was unable to meet his needs (which is how people made me feel







)


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## Tway

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HappilyEvrAfter* 
And, in addition, I wish I had known that this was just who my kiddo _is_...not something I was doing wrong to make him this way or that I was unable to meet his needs (which is how people made me feel







)

Totally agree.


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## alis

Thank you for this. My son is 10 weeks, very high needs, colic, the whole deal. As hard as every day/hour is, I'm glad that we learned to appreciate the simple things in life and how to live in the moment.


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## ann_of_loxley

That list is so true and funny! Thanks for the laugh!

So far I have had one of each. And I wasn't blessed to have the 'hard' one first either...... DS1 was an 'easy' baby. I kinda missed his babyhood - he was just there, like the sofa is just there because he was so chilled and relaxed. He would happily lay there for hours and even just put himself to sleep! DS2 on the other hand...well that list fits him perfectly! lol


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## samikashi

What a fabulous list to bring smiles! Describes our "Mr. Adventure" perfectly.


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## southernmommie

OMG!! I remember being there! My DS8 was such a high needs child that there is NO way I could have done it with other kids around. He was my first and by far my highest needs baby that I've had. I've had more after him, but he was just in a class all by himself! I remember the best book I ever read was Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears. After reading that book, I thought "I can do this!" And we did. He was thrived with the info I got out of that book. Now he's entering the gifted class in the 3rd grade and is ready for more independence than I think he is ready for considering his age, but he is still ahead of his age even now. Been that way since birth! (Held his head up to look at the nurses as soon as laid on my chest at birth.) He's ADD, but that is his gift. His high needs was his way, (or God's way, however you choose to look at it) at getting us to focus on what his needs were and how to address them.

Thank you so much for posting this!!


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## theatermom

Great list! I will add that my first (and fiercest) high needs baby (also happened to be the first baby I was ever really around) also taught me to meet his needs in spite of social conventions and my own lack of confidence. I didn't feel comfortable nursing him openly in every social situation we encountered (especially after he turned 2)? Well, too bad. And I couldn't use a blanket because 1) he didn't want anything touching his head and 2) he wanted to see what was going on. His brothers can thank him for preparing me to be a more open and relaxed parent.  He's about to turn 10, and I can't measure all of the ways I've grown and changed since then, largely due to him not being a laid back baby.

I will say that while my other three have been spirited in their own ways (ds#3 being the most like ds#1), they were much, much "easier" babies. Having been "trained" by ds#1, though, I've never once taken any laid back moment or trait for granted.


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## LeaPea

I really needed to read this today. Thank you! Hopefully I can remember these things when I am in the thick of things


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## ElliesMomma

crying b/c it's been such a rough weekend, and this list makes me feel finally understood.

(anybody else parenting a high needs/fussy baby with very limited hands-on time from their partner? i'm with 1 yo high needs DS and my super spirited 4 yo DD basically 24/7 all day every day... holding DS *constantly*... doing everything i need to do around the house with one arm. just killing me. and so so so much needing a break. DH doesn't understand and really has no clue, no idea how hard it is. thank you, Ladies, for spelling it out for me. you all understand!!!!)


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## Patricia Rivera

thank you thank you thank you!! this list captures it perfectly and reminds me to feel grateful and blessed that my little one picked us to raise such a spirited soul


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## Imakcerka

Ugh, I needed that list 8 years ago when babe slept from 4am to 10am only. And cried from the moment she woke up til the time she went to bed. And yes that year felt like 10. Oh and I lost a lot of weight! They'll either help you drop those baby lbs or help you keep them on. Believe me the whole house sighed with relief when the next babe showed up a lover of sleep and completely content.

Though my high needs baby turned into a high needs toddler then a high needs kid. We finally figured out how to get her to sleep before 4 am and it was called melatonin. Good luck to all you mamas out there with these special little ones. They can really make life interesting.


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## funkymamajoy

Great list!

I'll add:

-A high needs baby teaches you that your baby's (or child) behavior is not a reflection on you.

-A high needs baby wipes the smug off of a first time mom faster then anything (at least this was my experience)


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## AnnaBees Mama

jellybeanmama, could I have your permission to post this on my facebook, (attributing credit to you, of course). This is worth sharing!!! If you'd rather I not, I completely understand.


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## ilovetchotchkes

I know this is an older thread. But a conversation with a friend today made me realize that my toddler was a high needs baby. Suddenly all the "advice" that friends and family gave me that was worse than useless ... Well, I realize WHY it was so!


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## sleeplessinLA

I found this article when I was absolutely exhausted... My son now almost 7 months old and has yet to STN or take regular naps if any. He is very challenging but an absolute love that lights up my life with his big ol gummy grin!. He is a very determined little guy and reminds me of his daddy in so many ways. This is what keeps me going!

I loved this article and all the posts below it. It is nice to know that its not just your child. I get tired of people giving me advice- I have two older children that fall into the "norm" they were easy and they slept! I have to say the bond is different though. My baby demands my attention...all the time! Im learning to let go of control (not easy for one with ocd) Some days I just need to regroup and remind myself, Its not the parenting . Its not a bad thing. It is just their personalities. Destined for greatness!


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## Iluv Coco

My beautiful little baby is at the very top of the high needs scale, and it's so nice to know that there are others who are going through the same challenging experience.

She breastfeeds constantly, refusing to wean (including night feeds, of course). I have pnd and am returning to work this Monday... Expect my next post to be from within the confines of an asylum!


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## newmamalizzy

#7!!!!! Every few weeks I give up. I GIVE UP!!!!! But she's STILL THERE saying "Mommy! Mommy! and trying to cling to my neck. I feel like the frustration and fury is going to bowl me over. I seethe and roil and....then it drains away, and somehow I give my little girl a big hug, pop her in the car and take her someplace beautiful.

My DD isn't as physically boisterous as some high needs kids, so I often read the high needs checklists and say, "Nahhh, she's not high needs. I'm just an absolutely awful mother." But now I take care of her little baby cousin once a week and somehow it's easier to take care of both of them that it ever was to take care of just DD.

Oh, yes. Here she is screaming now. Good night, sleep tight, everyone


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## Peony

Wow. Reading over my post form years ago was a shock! I am now on my second high, high needs child. My first broke me. My second child was high needs, the always sleeping on you, always nursing, lots of medical problems to go along with it kind, and it was really intense but she mellowed out as she got older. I think her problems were more situationally. She is 5 now and I couldn't call her high needs today so I don't clarify her as a true high needs kid, DD1 who is now 9 will always be called that! Then I got a regular kid. OMG that was huge. He wasn't even that easy but just a regular, old baby. He was a breath of fresh air so I made the ultimate decision and had one more child. DS2 is a carbon copy of my first child. Two little bookends. And now I think I am officially insane. The screaming is the worst. He is 7 months now and it is just how I remember it from DD1, nonstop screaming for the first year. Yep, insanity.


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## Pepe

What a great post--and what a wonderful attitude you have, OP.

My high-needs, never-sleep baby is now a lovely 6yo boy who has many of the traits that attachment parenting is meant to nurture. He is sweet, easygoing, and very sensitive to the feelings of others. He can still be quite a stubborn little person at times, but he has a very mild personality and is very securely attached to us (DH and me).

Hang in there!

Edited to add: To be clear: I'm not trying to make a cause-and-effect statement about how we respond to high-needs babies--your kiddo might stay high-needs, and it wouldn't mean anything except that is his/her temperament. If that happens, you will be ready to accommodate, and to use your creativity and innovation to respond accordingly!


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## Subhuti

They teach you how to love when love seems impossible.

They teach you unconditional acceptance of another, no matter how they are behaving.

And I agree, they teach you extreme creativity.

My dd1 is seven and always very high needs. And like one of the PP said, I am still traumatized from that first year. We had a blessedly easy dd2, thank god. And the elder is still soooooo much harder than the younger ... but I love them both equally. Just ... one is much, much harder to be around than the other! One's like nitroglycerine (never know when it's going to blow!), the other like a warm bath.

But ... oh, it gets so much easier when they are verbal and you can speak directly to them and they to you ... and the screaming / crying /whining is not their only form of communication. And you can be reasonable with them and they have developped some self-control!


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## Luvmybug

Wow! This really made my sleep deprived husband and me laugh, smile, and cry! I see it has been quite some time since this original post has been written. Our first baby, who is now 4 months seems to fit the high needs profile like a glove! So, does it get any easier as they get older? Or just more entertaining? Are they EVER able to entertain themselves for more than a minute or two??? ha ha Since we are first time parents, we have spent practically all of our son's first 4 months at the pediatrician, thinking there MUST be something wrong with him. He is just SO fussy. We are able to keep him content for just minutes at a time before we have to switch gears and change up the atmosphere and figure out what will make him happy next. He keeps us on our toes for sure!!!


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## Luvmybug

Wow! This really made my sleep deprived husband and me laugh, smile, and cry! I see it has been quite some time since this original post has been written. Our first baby, who is now 4 months seems to fit the high needs profile like a glove! So, does it get any easier as they get older? Or just more entertaining? Are they EVER able to entertain themselves for more than a minute or two??? ha ha Since we are first time parents, we have spent practically all of our son's first 4 months at the pediatrician, thinking there MUST be something wrong with him. He is just SO fussy. We are able to keep him content for just minutes at a time before we have to switch gears and change up the atmosphere and figure out what will make him happy next. He keeps us on our toes for sure!!!


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## poiyt

My DD#2 has been high needs since she was about 4-5 weeks old. She is now nearing 3 and still high needs. I can so relate to this list and I am so glad its hear. I want to save this somewhere and read it again and again and again.DD#2 is more than I can handle some days - this list is a helpful reminder of the things she can teach me, and makes me laugh


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## Lou Lou

Omg I'm not alone hahah my girl is 13 months and I have to say I'm exhausted from this last year it has been. Excruciating ,there's been melt downs tears ,fights between me and my fiancé ,not a full night sleep in 13 months sound like torture lol , I'am , was always comparing my child to others and wondering why my child doesn't just go straight to sleep and self sooth ( don't be silly) but I have come to the conclusion that I have a bright spirited beautiful little girl who will keep us on our toes until she's an adult haha we new from the thrashing around in my belly that we were going to have our hands full we were not wrong hahaha


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## Baby_Cakes

My first was/is high needs, my 2nd is a "normal" baby. I agree that if he'd been my first I would have been looking around wondering when the work would start! He's so easy to please, and is so easygoing compared to the go-go-go of my first! Such a great list. Old post, I know, but still. Great list!


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## Heather Lyn

I think this post should keep going and going, because it is so helpful for mothers of high needs babies. Ever since mine was born, he has been a full time job in a way none of my friends' babies are. I mean, they're always a full time job - but there are babies that need the regular kind of constant attention (because they're babies) and there are the ones that need ALL the attention. Right now. Or else. Mine is in the second group. For the first 4 months of his life, he would have a nuclear meltdown if you even broke eye contact with him, let alone put him down to take a shower.

He came out screeching and didn't stop for at least 4 months. But it wasn't what most people call colic; he didn't cry for hours and hours. It was more that he would go from 0 to 60 ("60" being air-raid level screaming) in about one second with no warning signs. Strangers would come up to me and ask if everything was okay. Friends repeatedly asked things like "are you sure there's nothing pinching him? That cry sounds like he's in pain." Every time we went out in public, someone would make a "nice lungs" comment. When he was happy, he was smiling and one of the most engaging infants I've ever met. When he was unhappy, the whole world found out, fast.

No hours of peaceful newborn sleeping in my arms. No sleepy snuggling in a carrier on my chest. No sweet first bath. No laying on a playmat for even 5 minutes while I ate/used the bathroom. No mommy-baby yoga (the very idea of doing that with him still makes me laugh out loud). I had to wear earplugs a lot of the time - not to drown him out completely (he blasted through earplugs) but to take the edge off the high pitched scream.

The last 4 months have been a little quieter, but still not quiet. He shrieks like a maniac when he is displeased, tired or bored. At 9 months old he still wakes up 4 times a night to eat.

Hardest of all, he's more demanding with me than my husband or any other caretaker, so I'm not sure others in my life see how high maintenance he is (or they see it, but they're not the ones dealing with the sleep deprivation, so it sort of rolls off of them).

I am dealing with it, but some days are really hard. I compare him to other, more mellow babies and I feel sorry for myself. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when I have a healthy baby and there are people I know whose kids are ill or disabled and others I know who can't conceive. I'll probably look back and miss this time in my life, etc. etc.

Everyone loves him. He's smart, entertaining and alert. He has a ridiculous smile. He's just always awake and always wanting to be played with - always - and I'm tired. I hired a few hours a week of childcare because I'm so exhausted from being his full time caretaker.

I don't want him to be a different person. I love him. Sometimes I just want it to be a little quieter.


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## Lori21

Wow, I am so relieved to read this and know that my 3 year old is only a high need child, (not meant to be taken lightly)! I came across this article as I searched for autistic similarities to her behavior because she is in preschool and her teacher has shared some of her observations with me. I was concerned that she would start displaying more characteristics of a syndrome related to autism or ADHD. She hasn't been screened for this and this would have been my next step. However, I related so much to the stories above, and the description I read in this article than any other research I have done. Since the day she was born I always called her a "high maintenance" baby. She was sure to keep me on my toes. From her non stop hunger, diaper changes, holding, fussiness, and just downright demands, to her short naps, and not handling being left on a crib, swing, or cradle for one minute; it was surely exhausting. I cried 4 times from exhaustion the first couple of months. She woke up every hour to eat at night and woke up to the slightest movement if she napped during the day. Her naps consisted of 10-15 minutes at a time. My oldest would joke about this baby being bipolar because she usually frowned and would hardly react to our smiles and touch. I felt that if she could speak, she would say, if you want my trust, you'll have to earn it! And that's exactly the route I took. As she grew into a toddler she wanted to do things on her own with little to no assistance. She was strong minded and stubborn, focused on a task she was determined to accomplish. She finally learned to walk but rapidly began to run. Running after her was a challenge for her safety. We placed locks up on both doors because my voice meant nothing when I'd tell her to stop. As many parents, I would vent to others but was not understood. I too envied people with "normal" babies. Time has gone, and these 3 years have been years of bonding, discipline, consistency, structure and communication. I remember the first time she allowed me to carry her without fighting me. That was a moment for me. The first time she laid eyes on me, she was 6 months old. She still keeps me very very busy. Her expectations are still there, but she can do some things herself now and she is learning to use her communication skills. She is smart, beautiful and funny! She sleeps better, doesn't fight me for everything, but still frowns and occasionally argues her point firmly the best that she can. She knows her colors, shapes, abc's and counts fairly well. I look forward to the day when I see her all grown up and graduating from school and meets her destiny with a big smile. Maybe she'll say, "Hello World, Here I Come".


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## Quinalla

Wow, this takes me back! My high needs DD1 is now 3.75. She is still intense and high needs and stubborn and fierce, wow sometimes it is so tough, but also is so awesome. She makes life challenging for her parents that's for sure, but she is such a great kid. And now I have twins, almost 5 months, and what a difference it is to have not-high-needs babies. 2 of them together are much easier than DD1 ever was, so take heart all you moms with high needs babies. It really is HARD, I feel so justified now with twins that are easier OMG, and it really gets better.


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## fhaido

I love what you wrote. I had a high need baby and what I called the fussiest baby on the planet!!!! He inspired me to create FefisBaby (www.fefisbaby.com) a site solely dedicated to baby soothing solutions (products and information). I would love to have The 10 Best things about a High Needs Baby posted on our resource center! Please contact me at [email protected] My name is Fernanda and I am the founder of FefisBaby. Thanks!!!!


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