# You know you're parenting a toddler when . .



## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

YOu know you're parenting a toddler when

you put the potato masher in the toy box at the end of the day

its a diaper chase instead of a diaper change

"boo" is the most hilarious thing you've said all day

"up" is followed almost immediately by "down", which is followed by "up" . .

Please add on to my list


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## k mama (Sep 18, 2005)

Those are all so true







The latest one for us:

...pots and pans are the only things interesting enough to be played with.


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## Junebug (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:

you put the potato masher in the toy box at the end of the day
Holy cow! DP & I were just noticing that DD has abducted the potato masher! :LOL

You know you're parenting a toddler when . .

...the cat decides _on his own_ to be an outside kitty.









...you have to run a "cracker check" before each load of laundry.


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## k mama (Sep 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Junebug*

...the cat decides _on his own_ to be an outside kitty.









...you have to run a "cracker check" before each load of laundry.


That's so funny :LOL That sounds a lot like our cat...he's all of a sudden escaping a whole lot more







.

You know you are a parent of a toddler when...

...you follow the trail of Cheerios to find your child.


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## Christeeny (Jun 8, 2005)

You know you're parenting a toddler when . .
The remote to the tv is missing, and yep... it's in the toybox.
Everything becomes a fit.
Mealtime becomes abstract art time, and you and everything else within throwing range is the *canvas.
You finally find your portable phone, and realize why it's been so quiet, DC turned it on and called 2222444444444443333333337777777#####.
Your friends and family wanna know why your calling them and not talking, or all they hear are the sound of buttons being pushed and held down through the phone.


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## MotherWhimsey (Mar 21, 2005)

when you have this conversation:
dd: ant!
me: oh, do you see an ant?
dd: no.
me: where is the ant?
dd: ant! (points to stomach)
me: do you have an ant on your belly? (me checking)
dd: ant, mmmmm!
me: oh, you ate the ant?
dd: sure, ant! mmmmmm.
:LOL


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

You feel your day was abnormally productive if you managed to fold AND put away a load of laundry.

You have memorized the words to at least four books. You dream about the words in said books.

Your vacuum bag has seen at least two of the following on a regular basis; corn flakes, flour, cat litter, Cheerios, macaroni, glitter, packing peanuts, or dried leaves and twigs that your toddler has carried in from outside.


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## Jade2561 (Jun 12, 2005)

When you find yourself saying things like; "please stop trying to eat the toy box;" and "dear, it's probably not a good idea to put that crayon in your vagina."

When you show you dc something new and cool, like a cartwheel, you are destined to do it over, and over, and over, and over, and over again!


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## crsta33 (Oct 13, 2004)

...you are always accompanied to the bathroom and receive cheers for using the potty (even in public)

...your newly painted walls have been redecorated with crayon

...the aquarium often has new additions...crayons, bracelets, etc.

...you have to run to answer the phone before it's snatched by a little person who can outmanuever you once she's got it, and scream like a banshee if you try to get it back

...you point out the cows, airplanes, tractors etc while riding in cars with grownups









...you hold hands in public with someone wearing a tutu, rainboots, and a swimsuit.

...you can only ever find one shoe from each pair...especially if you are running late

Christa


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## Messac888 (Jan 24, 2005)

You know you're parenting a toddler when...

...the Amish guy at the farmers' market is referred to as a 'cowboy'.

...they want to push the toddler-size grocery cart...into the other shoppers.

...the cat starts chasing the child because she's tired of being beat up.

...you're told not to jump on the bed in the middle of the night (when you weren't exactly jumping on the bed...!!!)

The list could go on and on!!!


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## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

If you are in the next room and hear screaming or squealing, you feel no alarm, but if it's silent, you immediately hunt your child down and inevitably find him digging in the recycle bin, playing with the phone, trying to eat the dog's food, etc., etc..

You think nothing of letting your dc go outside in the yard in his slippers in cold weather, it's easier than battling with him to get his shoes on first, as he screams at the door to go out and play.

You would rather dance with a rabid wolverine than have to tell your dc "no" one more time and endure yet another tantrum some days.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

If you smell something horrible when you preheat the oven, and realize there is a red crayon melted inside.







:

You find yourself cutting your food into tiny bite sized pieces, even when you are alone! :LOL


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## janerose (May 9, 2004)

~Saying "Honey, don't stick your face in the cat's butt" is a regular part of your day.

~You'd rather rearrange furniture to block stuff off than tell your dc "no" one more time.

~You can read 4 books to your child -- all at once!

~You let your kids run around naked because it's easier than fighting with them one more time to get dressed.

~You "serve" Cheerios and other dry foods on the floor. After all, that's where they're going to end up anyway.

Holly


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## Junebug (Mar 31, 2005)

Quote:

~You "serve" Cheerios and other dry foods on the floor. After all, that's where they're going to end up anyway.








:


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

When hubby tells you that there are cheerios stuck to your butt half way through your trip to the mall, you just shrug and find a trashcan for them, not at all embarrassed, casue what else is new?

When DH wants to make a Saturday outing to a place like the horse races he entices you by saying "They have a nice kids play area there!"

You know where every elevator is in the mall, and every bathroom in every store you shop at be it the supermarket, Target, Best Buy whatever.

You have a personal valet who pulls off and hands the toilet paper for you when you are sitting on the pot in the bathroom.


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## Jenivere (Aug 4, 2003)




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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OakBerry*
If you smell something horrible when you preheat the oven, and realize there is a red crayon melted inside.







:

This is so true. Only I found the red crayon melted inside the dryer with an entire load of red splotched laundry.

Kathi


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

You kow you're the parent of a toddler when:

You're at a business meeting and you look down to see what everyone is looking at. It's a smiley face potty sticker on your blouse.

You need to sign a check and you can only find a red crayon or a blue crayon in your purse.

You open your purse at work and find matchbox cars instead of your wallet.

kathi


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## crayon (Aug 24, 2002)

When you have a talk with your toddler that goes like this "dude, it is 65 degrees in this house and you need clothes on" so you fight for nearly a 1/2 hour to get DC dressed only to have your DC preform a strip tease within 2 min.. so then you say "okay, fine, if you want to freeze then fine! your clothes are on the couch if you want them!!"

Yes, you sound like a toddler too...

So, then your said child is naked running around the house and decides to pee- say on the couch, the bed, her bed, the floor the counter where ever the need is, and you just grab a prefold and your squirt bottle of whatever cleaner your earthy self has created and spray, blot and go on with your day....

When you say "GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE.... I AM NOT JOKING!"

When you wonder if the neighbors can you you screaming "GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE.... I AM NOT JOKING!"

When you hear a little knock at the front door and realize your child CAN NOW open the back door!

When your tolet gets clogged because DC was trying to go potty by themselves :LOL

When you start to think- is dog food REALLY that bad for humans??

When you go into the store and it is sub zero outside and you go to get the toddler out of the car and you see no shoes or socks on their feet and you look at the store door and you think- it is only 100 yards, they will not freeze off that fast! and then you think, well they may get cold- but then you think DC will just yank them off before I even get them out of the car, so what the hell 100 yards- they will live!


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

- It melts your heart when you open the back door and a little boy is waiting there with a dandelion for you

- You think it's hilarious to be ordered around (a la - "Sit down, mama!" or "Get up!")

- You have to change shirts twice a day because you used them to wipe noses

- You know exactly what happens to the laundry when cheese makes it into the dryer (much worse than crayon! eww!)

- You feel proud and accomplished when your DC points at dog poop and says, with a serious face, "Potty."

- You no longer bother closing the bathroom door... after all, a little leprechaun is just going to open it and wander in to see what you're doing (and comment on it) anyway!


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## k mama (Sep 18, 2005)

...when you have to buy a new shirt when you are out shopping because your child got to his poopy diaper before you could and you are now wearing his poop on your shirt.

...when having conversations with other adults you use the term "grown-ups" instead of "adults".

...you spend part of your shopping trip trying to figure out which aisle your child dropped his socks in.


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## punkwoman1982 (Oct 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Finch*
If you are in the next room and hear screaming or squealing, you feel no alarm, but if it's silent, you immediately hunt your child down and inevitably find him digging in the recycle bin, playing with the phone, trying to eat the dog's food, etc., etc..


Or trying to shut each other in the closet.
the couch is now a trampoline no matter how many times u count to 3.

nap time is relaxation time for u and more for your own sanity than the kids ACTUALLY sleeping.

you find yourself watching kids tv shows even when you ju happen to be the only one home (which is not very often)

last but not least mommy i have to pee is an excuse for getting out of time out and u can't say NO b/c u never REALLY know whether or not they have to go.


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## leafwood (Jun 15, 2004)

You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

- you sing children's songs all the time....even when your toddler isn't with you

- your kisses have magical powers to fix any bo-bo

- you can tell what you've eaten for dinner for the past week by peeking under the table (even though you try your hardest to spot clean every night)

- bath time is a full contact water sport for all parties in the bathroom

- you look at your child's first photo and think....who would have known it would be this wonderful!


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I have one to add from last night...

- You USED to hear stories about toddlers screaming for hours at night and think "that poor kid's parents should be arrested!". But now, you know exactly how that kid's parents feel...


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## Boadicea (Mar 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leafwood*
- bath time is a full contact water sport for all parties in the bathroom

Oh yeah!! "Baby, mama really doesn't need another shower today!"









You know you are the parent of a toddler when you have to take the DVD player apart to rescue the disc that seemed to magically disappear out of the tray after the "eject" button was pushed say, oh, 198 thousand times.

Sorry, it's been a bad day here and I can't think of anything positive to say.


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## midwestmeg (Jul 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leafwood*
You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

- you look at your child's first photo and think....who would have known it would be this wonderful!

That is a very sweet sentiment.


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## MaxiMom (Mar 31, 2004)

...when you say "how many times do I have to tell you NOT to play with the coffee pot?" for the 10th (or 100th) time.

...when he closes the door just as I'm coming in with arms full of wood for the fireplace.

...when he wants everything RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW!!!!

...when he's turned the lightswitch on and off, on and off, on and off, then climbs off the stool by himself and claps and smiles so big.

I love my toddler!!!


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

. . . you don't need a tv because there is this small, mobile comedian following you around

. . . you have opened the cupboard that holds the vacuum cleaner and said "yes, that's the vaccuum cleaner" more than 5 times in one day

. . . you know that "ba -- esus" means bath time, song time, then bedtime

. . . your child begins every day fully clothed and by lunch time they are just wearing a diaper and onsie.


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## Mama Bear (Aug 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KristiMetz*
I have one to add from last night...

- You USED to hear stories about toddlers screaming for hours at night and think "that poor kid's parents should be arrested!". But now, you know exactly how that kid's parents feel...









:









add to that screaming in stores....I used to think that parents couldn't control their kids - now I know better







...more like they control you...


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## Mama Bear (Aug 4, 2004)

...no matter how many state-of-the-art fun toys a toddler has, they prefer a plastic bottle, dish rag, tv remote, and floor mat...

...your kitchen chairs get rearranged several times a day...

...licking the fridge, oven, and dishwasher is 'helping' mommy clean...


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## ayme371 (Jan 5, 2005)

...the bottom tray of the dish washer becomes a car pushed around the house

...you can pick up a rasin with your toes, and you hope its just a rasin


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

...you can't open the refrigerator for less than 5 minutes at a time (unless you want to be subjected to a screaming fit)

...buttering toast requires two knives and results in little butter globs on both sleeves, your chest, the floor, the counter, in your hair ...and more in DC's mouth than on the toast

...all containers placed at waist level or below, even momentarily, are dumped out at least once a day

...you have been fed a rock, thinking it was going to be a cracker

...you have searched _outside_ for interesting bugs to bring _inside_

...you are the recipient of delighted, wholehearted, full body hugs and kisses when you are unshowered, with crazy hair, wearing ugly sweatpants, and still have morning breath


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## beemama (Mar 19, 2004)

ooooooh, life w/a toddler

-every destination has a toy attached to it...


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## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

Oh! These are great - I keep laughing out loud!

You know you're parenting a toddler when...

- seeing them play with a full roll of toilet paper, in the living room, causes you to think "hmmm, looks like they'll be busy for a while - time for me to get online!"


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OakBerry*
If you smell something horrible when you preheat the oven, and realize there is a red crayon melted inside.







:

Or you're cooking something in the toaster oven only to smell something funny, turn around, and see FIRE instead of toast







He put a light up ice cube in it, it got melted, the stuff inside is apparently very flammable (sp?). BTW- you should always know where the fire extinguisher is!!

These are all too funny









You know you're a parent of a toddler when you don't even care about the weird looks you get in the store when people see your toddler with colorful striped pants, a not matching shirt, mismatched socks, and a winter hat in summer because you're so proud he picked out his own outfit!


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

when i watch tv and i cry when anything sad happens to any child or any parent. i feel things relating to children and parents so strongly now.


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## earthenware (Oct 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dakota's Mom*
You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

You're at a business meeting and you look down to see what everyone is looking at. It's a smiley face potty sticker on your blouse.









Yup, this happened to me just this morning - mine was a 'teeth brushing' smily face...

You know you're parenting a toddler when...

... you evaluate everything, and I mean everything, in terms of it's kid-appeal - who knew that you would consider cell phones, boxes of kleenex, and empty cracker boxes as TOYS.

... you shock yourself daily with the number of times you can calmly repeat something like 'feet stay on the floor, we stand on the floor, dishwashers are for washing dishes, we don't go inside...'. This would have made you







pre-kid!

... you look at all garbage as potential craft supplies.

... you are unphased by someone giving you the wettest, most stringy kiss, you pick someone else's nose and then wipe it on your own clothes, you don't even feel nauseaus if someone barfs all over you, and you actually look closely at someone else's poop! You love this little someone too much to feel bothered by any of this.

... before going out without your toddler you empty about 3 pounds of snacks, cloths, wipes, books, cars, and water bottles out of your purse.

... if you are away from you little one and you look into your purse and see a little car or something, your eyes will fill with tears.


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## mama kate (Jul 19, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Bear*
...no matter how many state-of-the-art fun toys a toddler has, they prefer a plastic bottle, dish rag, tv remote, and floor mat...

...your kitchen chairs get rearranged several times a day.....


Emma's favorite "toy" is the peri bottle I was given at the hospital - I never used it so it isn't as horrible - Its her favorite water bottle!!!







Plus our chairs are constantly being arranged!


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## CRosewhisper (Aug 26, 2004)

-- Your pants are now giant mobile napkins/tissues.


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## RosieTook (Sep 4, 2004)

Quote:

you put the potato masher in the toy box at the end of the day
On the flip side of this...
...you find books, blocks and refrigerator magnets in your utensil drawer...they were placed there in a trade for the actual utensils, which you have to hunt for...

...you are no longer bothered by tupperware that hit the floor before it was used...as long as it isn't covered in dustbunnies...


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## Live~Laugh~Love (Dec 21, 2004)

I have had to tel my DS

"We do not wrap things around or ding-ding...Its not safe"


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

You know you are parenting a toddler if...

--you have said "No, you may NOT get a shower by climbing in the dishwasher!"

--you can instantaneously whip around and grab the steak knife out of the hand before anybody else saw they were IN THE KITCHEN much less holding a KNIFE!!

(can you tell my son's obsession of the week is the DISHWASHER?)

and yes, tonight I just asked my best friend if her 10 days older than mine toddler shares the fridge obsession, and I HAVE said GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE RIGHT NOW!!

And tonight we played a new game....
DS takes the remote.
Mommy says "Give Mama the remote" with big smile and outstretched hand.
DS drops remote on floor
DS picks up remote.
Mommy repeats request.
DS runs right to mommy--but then a hard, fast right! and drops it again halfway across the room, looks at Mommy and smiles!
Mommy repeats request.
DS RUNS across the room and drops the remote by Grandpa's feet LOL

yeah if you spend more than 10 minutes a day either hunting for or negotiating for the remote, you just might be parenting a toddler!


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

You sit on the potty and realize there is no TP on the empty roll even though you filled it that morning...


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## aolinsmama (Apr 9, 2004)

oh...that toddler singing voice! with made up song lyrics like
caaat...doown....hunnny.... (hmm....where is the cat...and the honey?)

avoiding the grocery store like the plague!

after reading this thread feeling like i have found my "home" at MDC!!!!

aaah....i am Not The Only One!!!


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## maylea_moon (Mar 4, 2005)

when at the end of the day you say to your dh, "lets go ni-night."


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## aran (Feb 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Destinye*
You sit on the potty and realize there is no TP on the empty roll even though you filled it that morning...

...when you use the word "potty" even when there are only adults listening (or reading, in this case







)


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## Christeeny (Jun 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aolinsmama*
:
after reading this thread feeling like i have found my "home" at MDC!!!!

aaah....i am Not The Only One!!!

















:
Amen to that! I feel like I am reading my very own journal.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

If you are DEAF now because your toddler is at the height of his 'screeching for joy' phase!!

and you don't care because it's just so dang CUTE how he is SOOO happy!! 









and every little accomplishment from going potty to getting up on the bed by yourself is applause-worthy LOL (DS's absolute newest just tonight thing is "YAAAAAAAAEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!" with clapping for *everything*







)


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## PortraitPixie (Apr 21, 2005)

love this thread!!

...when you find mega bloks in your tupperware drawer. every....day.


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

You and your DH talk about each other in the third person ("Give daddy that", "Mommy said no") so often that you start doing it to EACH OTHER, even when you shouldn't.

[DH accidentally did that this evening when tentatively bringing up something er, sensitive. He went very red!]


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## beemama (Mar 19, 2004)




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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chunklin'sMommy*
...when you use the word "potty" even when there are only adults listening (or reading, in this case







)

























That IS sad isn't it?!! The funny thing is when I met DH he ALWAYS said go potty to me and I was like thats WEIRD - BUT he had 4 kids (now 5) and now I TOTALLY understand and apparently do it myself too!


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## Rox5266 (Nov 26, 2004)

....when you pick up all the blocks your dc has thrown around the living room, only to find he has emptied his toy chest everywhere instead.

.....when transitions create major meltdowns.

....when you have to dodge the toys thrown at you when you are in the shower.


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## k mama (Sep 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zakers_mama*
If you are DEAF now because your toddler is at the height of his 'screeching for joy' phase!!

and you don't care because it's just so dang CUTE how he is SOOO happy!! 










Yup, we're at that stage right now. He just loves hearing himself.


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## k mama (Sep 18, 2005)

...when you find your stick of deodorant/antipersperant with teeth marks/chunks out of it.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

-When you are trying to "Speed clean" (ie- thow all toys in a big basket to shove somewhere before guests arrive) and everything you just "put away" is now the most interesting toy, so nothing gets picked up.

-When the sight of pennies on the floor strikes fear in your heart.

-When you think "No one has ever died of dog saliva... eating the licked toast won't kill him."

-When you look at that toothbrush and think of the fight it will be to get at those little teeth, you have to gather yourself up and sometimes call for reinforcements.

-When you can't envision leaving the house for any length of time without a toy and a box of crackers.

-When you employ physics to try and determine if you can outrun your child to any specific location.

-When you translate "toddler to english" without thinking. "Dat! Tzzzzz!" "Yes, honey! A big dog!" Like, who didn't understand THAT? It was clear as day!

-When favorite foods are not just eaten, but shoved into the mouth by the fistful, smeared on face and clothes, and finally, leftovers are hurled to the floor, just to watch them drop.

-When said toddler smacks "sub-par" offered toys or food from your hand with a passionate scream of "NENENENENE!", tears, and a possible hurling of self to the floor and you say "I guess he doesn't want that...".


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

alexsam-When said toddler smacks "sub-par" offered toys or food from your hand with a passionate scream of "NENENENENE!" said:


> alexsam, this last one had my LOL at the computer again!


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## annakiss (Apr 4, 2003)

You can ask, "why do you have chocolate on the bottom of your feet?" and you have to clean lemonade out of your purse.


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## Vicitoria (Dec 17, 2004)

gee, I'm glad my son isn't the only one that loves the peri bottle!

I know I'm the mother of the toddler......

I painted the bottom of his walls with chalk board paint and everyone said that he would draw everywhere else. He does and then I realize it's just chalk, it comes off and he's happy. Truly happy!

I'm so in love with this little boy.


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## VeganSculptor (Apr 20, 2004)

You think you are actually on time to go out the door for an outing until you look down at your toddler and he has smeared lotion in his hair and chewed up a blue crayon which is now all over his teeth, face and light colored shirt.









You keep buying combs and they keep disappearing. Then one morning when you lift up the cloth liner in your clothes hamper you find a pile fo 15 combs hiding there.


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

You sign more to the waitperson in a restaurant...


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## janerose (May 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Destinye*
You sign more to the waitperson in a restaurant...


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

There is always PlayDoh stuck in the many crevices of your wedding ring.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

One of the house rules is "no walking on mommy"

When your toddler dips the mop in the toilet and then mops the bathroom foor with it.

When all your sofa cushions are on the floor most of the time.

When you have to prevent someone from helping you wipe yourself when you are using the bathroom.

When the toilet paper is hidden when it's not in use.


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

I have been choking back laughter because I'm reading this at work.









DS is only 10 months old, so not a lot of craziness yet. I do, however, have some gems to share from my own childhood.

- My brother loved to "paint" his crib with the contents of his diaper.
- My sister's favorite snack was sticks of margarine, straight out of the fridge, paper and all.
- I learned to use the potty by watching my parents potty train my brother and it took them weeks before I would even try peeing sitting down.









That's all I can think of now. Looking forward to continuing this thread!


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## Annikate (Aug 2, 2005)

These are hilarious!























You know you're the parent of a toddler when . . .

- you have to let your toddler *see* everyone's poopy before it goes *bye bye* in the potty (yours, dh's, baby sister's . . . )


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## lizabird (Jan 19, 2004)

I just said this one today:
I know I'm the parent of a toddler when I look in my jacket pockets and find a half-eaten cookie, a penny, a little toy car, and 6 acorns.


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## Christeeny (Jun 8, 2005)

when you find you have an audience when you go to the bathroom.
And even worse, when you are trying to go, and your toddler is screaming at you.... Ugh!


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## crayon (Aug 24, 2002)

When you dont think twice about licking the bananna off of your fingers- that you just wiped off your kids face..

When at the market you enter with a child with shoes on and fully clothed and you leave with no shoes, no socks, and no pants- and no undies.... Because you potty learning toddler had an accident and you think heck it is cold outside but no freezing, so you take the peed on pants in one hand and the kid in the sweat shirt in the other on your hip and proudly walk by all the PACKED checkout lines to the door.. And you live in a county that has like 20,000 EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE people! Yes it happened today....


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## SingingMama (May 3, 2005)

These are great!

... when you find Cheerios in your DC's ears, and say, "food doesn't go in your ears..." and they reply "in the mouth" because they've heard your speech a thousand times, yet Cheerios fit so nicely in those little ears!

... when anything you say you're going to do (go get a glass of water, go turn off the light, go to the potty) is immediately followed by your DC saying "Mommy help you, Mommy help you, Mommy help you!!!!!"


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## klstomi (Aug 17, 2003)

- You can't remeber the last time you went to the bathroom alone

- You hear "choo choo" coming from the back seat of your car during the chorus of "Please to meet You" by the Stones

- You hear the word "crap" ad nauseam from the back seat of your car after you say it during a cell conversation

- you pretend not to notice as you ds masturbates

- your ds gropes your breasts as he says "gickle, gickle" because he thinks their your underarms

- he calls nana "nina" because that's as close as he can get

- is proof of perpetual motion

- looks at you like your his whole world


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## lillake (Apr 22, 2005)

You know you're parenting a toddler when:

You say "I don't want to know" to the loud sounds of destruction in the next room.

7 AM is concidered sleeping in.

You find yourself calling everything yellow because it's the only color DC will agree to.

You begin to wonder if TV is really all that bad if it gives you a few minutes to clean the applesauce out of your hair.


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## janerose (May 9, 2004)

This one is from a friend. She has a 2 yr old & 4 yr old.

"We have a 5 minute rule, not a 5 second rule."









Holly


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## MaxiMom (Mar 31, 2004)

when your ds, who just ate a huge bowl of penne pasta, asks you to cook pancakes, at three in the afternoon!

and... when he's hanging out of the window meowing because it's the window the cat goes in and out of. Yikes! Don't fall out!!!!


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## gilamomma (May 7, 2004)

...you are reading this through very small fingertips pressed against the computer screen


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## Yo Becca (Apr 17, 2005)

...when your DC offers you pre-chewed food, pulled from her mouth, you willingly eat it (it's the easiest way to clean her fingers, after all)

...you accept that your clothes double as napkins

...in lieu of tissues, you wipe a nose with your hand, then just rub the snot on your jeans

...you put up with your folks/in-laws, who make you crazy, b/c your kid is nuts about them (um, and you'll take all the help you can get!)

...you finally get why having a playground at the restaurant is a good idea

...therefore, you're willing to eat fast food, even though there's nothing healthy/vegetarian/delcious there, if it means a few peaceful minutes with anothre adult

...you've nearly wiped out half the produce section with the giant truck-shaped grocery cart.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:

...you've nearly wiped out half the produce section with the giant truck-shaped grocery cart.









I have actually taken down displays.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

...suddenly, the sound of another child throwing a tantrum isn't the same as a wild, screaming banshee

...Elmo figurine is in the pocket that used to carry your wallet

...you've said "close the door please" a million times in the day

...the ability to linger infront of the fridge is considered a priviledge

...you kill your back going up and down the escalator a hundred times b/c it makes your child happy

...you no longer care what other people think


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

. . .. you have read the same storybook 10 times in a row and still haven't managed to get to the end

. . . you find an old set of keys and think "ah ha -- now I can have my keys back"

. . . you clear the ornaments off of OTHER people's coffee tables when you go over to visit to avoid later catastrophes (did this just today at someone I"d never met before's house)


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## ToniaStarr (Sep 27, 2005)

I am loving this thread. Thank god I am not the only one. LOL
You know you are the parent of a toddler when....
You find yourself saying odd things like "stop licking the door" or "kitties are not for sitting on"

You consider joining a gym to get in better shape cuz this kid is only 2 and can out run you, squirm from your grip and make you break out in a sweat just trying to wretle shoes on his feet.

You know a whole new language "toddler speak"

You can still hear him screaming "NO" when you lay in bed at night and he is asleep.

You are greeted with a smile and joy every morning and have days filled with so much exasperation but also little moments of bliss and discovery that make you realize how blessed you truly are. (and how small and simple the tough moments really are in the scheme of things)
Tonia


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

you pray to any god/dess that will listen more than you ever have in your life...

"try and remain calm" is your mantra (for both of you)

you really Do grow eyes in the back of your head

and every thing everyone else has said....
thank god i am not alone....
b/c sometimes all that hysterical screaming can really make me feel a little crazy.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moma justice*
thank god i am not alone....
b/c sometimes all that hysterical screaming can really make me feel a little crazy.

Right on, moma justice!!! ITA.


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## earthenware (Oct 26, 2004)

Now, when you read on the toilet, you do it with someone sitting on your lap and the book is 'Things That Go' or 'Animals on the Farm'.

Also, you have no problem talking to your DH on the phone while all of this is going on because, hey, at least DC is quiet! When you later mention that that is what was happening while you chatted earlier, he is completely grossed out and you don't get why.


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## juju's mom (Mar 30, 2005)

You mommas have me scared out of my wits and laughing at the same time. My little girl is turning 1 on the 12th and she is already into everything! HELP!


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

...you have no problem reaching in the tub and scooping a piece of poop out...barehanded. True story.


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KristiMetz*
-

- You have to change shirts twice a day because you used them to wipe noses


ok so you don't have to do this, wipe the snot with your fingers then wipe your fingers inside your pocket or at the very bottom of your pants. no one will see it that way.







:

you know your the parent of a toddler when you lick your fingers and clean a face, only to realize that you have done this to one of your ADULT friends.

when you say to your friends "oh no honey i don't think that's safe"

when you finally give up and designate one couch for climbing.


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelysmommy*
ok so you don't have to do this, wipe the snot with your fingers then wipe your fingers inside your pocket or at the very bottom of your pants. no one will see it that way.







:

You know you're parenting a toddler when...... you do that







: in front of other adults without even stopping to notice the horrified looks on their faces.

......you've uttered the words "sorry if my hair smells like burnt cheese..... ds threw up some milk in my blowdryer......"

...........you have to make sure you pick up your dirty underwear off the floor of the bathroom bacause they may become hats at any time


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## boricuaqueen327 (Oct 11, 2004)

* you find a cheerio in the VCR


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## Dakota's Mom (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boricuaqueen327*
* you find a cheerio in the VCR

When you find a grilled cheese sandwich in the cd rom drive on your computer.


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## klstomi (Aug 17, 2003)

This thread is hilarious!







: I as actually in tears the first time i read it. Couple new ones:
- world stops when ds utters 'neighborhood' as he finishes your lines to the Winnie the Pooh song
- wipes clean car dash very well after wiping ds face
- after the millionth time in an hour you just tune the word "Mamma" out
- digging boogers out of a nose with your fingernail is acceptable anytime, anywhere
- you're singing children's songs in your car, in the brocery store - out load - all the time
- you slave over a great nutritous meal & hear "oatmeal" yet again!

I'm so glad we all have each other!


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## GeezerMom (Apr 7, 2005)

- you find yourself humming "Dreidel dreidel dreidel, I made it out of clay; dreidel dreidel dreidel, with dreidel I shall play" and you're not even Jewish.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:

When you find a grilled cheese sandwich in the cd rom drive on your computer
Coins in the tape player.


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## westernmamomma (Aug 25, 2005)

when every comment/request is followed by the dc saying "but I don't_want_ to ..." even if it's something good like going to the park because it's more fun for them to disagree with you!


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

I love this thread.

You know you have a toddler when...

... every morning is filled with joy just seeing those happy smiling eyes and knowing that you are blessed with another day with this amazing creature...

... when someone loves you so much that they cry when you get up to go to the bathroom at night...

... when you consider getting a kitten, even though you have sworn that you will never get another pet, just because you want to delight your daughters....

... when you have to put the salt on a shelf near the dining room table instead of on the table and still forget to do this often enough that you go through two containers of salt a month....

... when you can hardly wait for Halloween because your toddler will be so darned adorable in her homemade chicken costume you found on ebay, and then she refuses to wear it on Halloween...

... when you regularly have to shampoo peanut butter, applesauce, and baby yogurt out of your toddler's hair...

... when it takes two adults, a faucet minishower, cups, and a stack of ten washcloths to wash that stuff out of the toddlers hair...

... when you hear loud, off tune songs from the backseat...

... when you are thrilled the first time your toddler laughingly says "teacher teacher I declare, I see mommy's underwear" that she learned from an older cousin, because it is so cute"...

... when your heart swells with pride the first time she counts to "eleventeen"...

I could go on and on. We are so lucky! And the great thing about the mamas on MDC is... we know we are so lucky.


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

We're served plastic food at the dinner table and told it's "helicopter meat"









btw- we're vegetarians...


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## edamommy (Apr 6, 2004)

oh. one more.....

your most favorite and used daily make-up item is 60.00 undereye magic lotion.


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

When in linguistics class you bring up examples of how you talk to your toddler as an analogous example of relational pronouns.

When for the same linguistics class you have a group study session at the zoo.

When "my kid ate my homework" is very nearly a bona fide excuse.

When someone has just deliberately smeared hummus on your shirt then grabbed a rag and tried to wipe it off.

When you look around for your coffee cup so you can go for seconds, having left it on the desk, and find it in the dishwasher.

Or in the cupboard with the pots and pans.

When you live with someone who eats several pounds of bananas a day and isn't a resident of the zoo.

Although she would fit right in.

When you can't sweep the floor because your dd thinks it's fun and wants to, ahem, help.

When you get mad at yourself for falling asleep with your DD and taking a longer nap than she does, because that was your only opportunity for free time.


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

. . . your computer gets restarted several times a day so that ds can see the friendly blue screen with "welcome" written on it.

. . . your cat drags a fun "string" around the corner, only to realize it is attatched to a plastic turtle

. . . you spend your whole day alternating between heart bursting pride, silly shared giggles and extreme frustration -- all directed towards the same little person


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

You think The Wriggles are cute...


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## klstomi (Aug 17, 2003)

Oh My Gahd!! Destinye -
Just yesterday I confessed to another mommy that I thought Greg & Anthony weren't all that bad!! Oh yeah I have a toddler. I have noticed that dancing to the videos provide a great cardio session!


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *klstomi*
Oh My Gahd!! Destinye -
Just yesterday I confessed to another mommy that I thought Greg & Anthony weren't all that bad!! Oh yeah I have a toddler. I have noticed that dancing to the videos provide a great cardio session!









Well the sad thing is we don't even *have* the video's and am thinking of getting them...for me lol. But hey maybe DD and I can dance to them together!


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

when you have given up watching TV because the 14 mo old just discovered the button on the front *and* learned to say "BYE!" in the same week!

(yup the new fav game in our house is DS turns off the TV, waves and says "Bye!" looks for our reaction, we turn it on with the remote, repeat)


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## Penelope (Jul 22, 2003)

...when any phone conversation includes the words, "No, it is not daddy. You do not want to talk to the nice [man from the bank, lady from church, receptionist at the doctor's office]" inevitably followed by wailing.

...when your kid tries out his new toy drill on your skull and you're impressed that he can actually work it already!

...when you see a woman in heels and wonder if she's pre-kid or post-toddler, 'cause she sure as heck isn't hauling a 26 pound wiggler around in those babies.

...when opening a package of frozen peas is always followed by an excited yell, "Me me me me me me me" to the implied question, "Who would like to eat frozen peas?" And then your kid eats a dozen and is delighted.

...your kid sleeps through the night two nights in a row and you brag to your SIL that you feel like you're on amphetamines... the rest is that refreshing!

...your criteria for whether your own pants are clean involves other people's bodily fluids.

...the cat is a minor celebrity, and sightings of her are reported regularly.


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## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

When he is crying angry hot tears and saying, "I don't like carrots!!!" while stuffing carrots in his mouth.

When he says "Read that book!" and you do, and after 2 minutes he says, "I don't like that book!" Then he asks you to read it again.

When it takes you 30 minutes to get his coat and shoes on to go outside because he doesn't want to go out. Then when it's time to come back, he starts yelling, "I don't want to go in!"

When every single game for months involves someone (himself, his trains, the dog, you) getting "stuck in the mud." (Squashing things down between sofa cushions works well for this.)

When you offer to get some bandaids for an injured stuffed animal, and he informs you (in a very patient voice), "Mommy, it's just a toy."

When he pinches his fingers in the bathroom door, and it hurts a lot, and you hold him and hold him while he cries and cries and you can feel him move through the pain and then relax. And then he is in a really happy mood again.


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## Erin Pavlina (Nov 11, 2001)

You know you're the parent of a toddler when....

You're out of town at a business conference and as you are getting ready in the hotel in the morning you turn on Caillou because you don't want to miss an episode.

Your husband and you take turns coming up with new rhymes for the tune, "Use your Noggin when you write a letter... use your Noggin to make it better" and see who comes up with the best ones.

You feel comfortable leaving the house wearing a blouse that has only TWO stains on it instead of the usual 4 or 5.

Your trash cans reside on top of your tables so the kids can't dig around in them.

Your diamond ring is being used as a ponytail holder on a doll's head. ugh!

You know the kids are upstairs running the water in the sink getting into all sorts of mischief and you weigh whether it's worth it to go up and put a stop to it or count your blessings and finish making dinner in peace.

You realize it's been too quiet for too long and you have to force yourself to go find out what they're doing because you were really enjoying the quiet and thought, "Finally God has heard my prayers and my children are playing nicely and peacefully upstairs in perfectly clean rooms"

You no longer use bookmarks for your books because those just diappear too fast and you've discovered you can just ear mark the page you're on and always find out where you left off.

You realize you have a book with a dog-eared page and you can't remember what was happening in the book becuase it's been 3 months since you had a minute to read. So you have to skim the entire book up to that point, which of course, uses your last 4 minutes of free time for the day.

You have to find a new and better hiding place for your stamps/postage because your toddler thinks they are great stickers. (I've lost over $50 in postage from this...







)

Your daughter is having a bad say and says, "Can I please just crawl back into your tummy and try coming out again. I'd really just like to start all over."


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## Dreaming (Feb 8, 2004)

When the question "Would you like a banana?" can cause your child to FREAK out and yell "NO WANT IT!" followed by rolling around on the floor and crying for several minutes.

When you haven't eaten a single thing without sharing at least one bite (if not just giving up the entire meal to the little person because, hey she's FINALLY eating something and not being picky).

When you let her color in her board books because it keeps her quiet and gives you a few minutes of peace. It's washable crayon. You'll worry about it later.

When you let her color on the table.
It's washable crayon. A little water and it will be gone. Best to worry about that later as well.

When all the toilets, drawers and cabinets in your house have child locks that cannot be circumvented. Even by adult company.


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## westernmamomma (Aug 25, 2005)

you are constantly amazed by what they say and tell yourself "I should write these gems down" but the realize that any source of paper in the house will immediately end up as the next coloring book


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## Erin Pavlina (Nov 11, 2001)

My husband thought of a few more for me to share:

When your shoes stick to the floor

When you look forward to going to a rock concert to get some peace and quiet.

When your parents get the number 1 spot on your speed dial.

When you start forgetting how to speak English but can speak fluent Toddler instead.

When you finally start buying Spray N Wash at Costco and think, "They really should make these in bigger quantities."

When Molly Maids has you blacklisted.

When Molly Maids refuses to take your phone calls.

When you move to a new neighborhood and get NO maid service promotions in the mail.

When you and your husband discuss re-crayoning the walls to match the furniture.

When you start talking back to the toys that are talking to you.

When you see sunrise from the kitchen window instead of the bedroom window.

When half the things on your To Do List start with Re-, Un-, and De-

When you have to clear out cabinets to make room for more cleaning supplies.

When you're having sex half as much but spending twice as much on birth control.

When you look back on the sleepless nights with your baby as "the good old days."


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

When you can recite every book in your child's library without opening a single one.

When you spend two days trying to figure out what "pop pop pop" means only to realize that it is the answer to, "Mr Brown can do it, how about you?"


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

OK I just uttered the phrase "Thanks honey, but Mama can wipe her OWN butt!!"

How's your day?


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## Dreaming (Feb 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jilly*
When you spend two days trying to figure out what "pop pop pop" means only to realize that it is the answer to, "Mr Brown can do it, how about you?"









We had a similar incident a few weeks ago. DD kept saying "Bobby" over and over. We couldn't figure out who Bobby was. He's clearly not one of the Wiggles.

After a few days I realized she was saying Bobby but MEANING
Boobie.
She still calls them Bobby.


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## mom2evan (Feb 3, 2005)

You know you're parenting a toddler when -

you wake up to someone panting "hiiiiiiiiii mama" in your ear and sticking little fingers in your nose as he tries to get you to roll over

your DC only eats if it's food you really wanted for yourself

yogurt is for painting, not for eating

you look at the bright red poo in a diaper and, after panicking, realize it's that stub of red crayon that disappeared last night

you'd rather stay indoors for a week than have to get your toddler into his jacket/snowpants/mittens/hat/turtle fur/boots one more time

someone blowing raspberries on your bbs actually makes you laugh

you absentmindedly eat some of the cheerios/pretzels/veggie booty/cheese bits/cracker crumbs you find in the car

you tear up to see your "baby's" bright face peering at you over the table edge from his new booster seat

your days are filled with a kaleidoscope of laughter, love, joy, and intense frustration


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## Leilalu (May 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crayon*
When you have a talk with your toddler that goes like this "dude, it is 65 degrees in this house and you need clothes on" so you fight for nearly a 1/2 hour to get DC dressed only to have your DC preform a strip tease within 2 min.. so then you say "okay, fine, if you want to freeze then fine! your clothes are on the couch if you want them!!"

Yes, you sound like a toddler too...

So, then your said child is naked running around the house and decides to pee- say on the couch, the bed, her bed, the floor the counter where ever the need is, and you just grab a prefold and your squirt bottle of whatever cleaner your earthy self has created and spray, blot and go on with your day....

When you say "GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE.... I AM NOT JOKING!"

When you wonder if the neighbors can you you screaming "GET OUT OF THE FRIDGE.... I AM NOT JOKING!"

When you hear a little knock at the front door and realize your child CAN NOW open the back door!

When your tolet gets clogged because DC was trying to go potty by themselves :LOL

When you start to think- is dog food REALLY that bad for humans??

When you go into the store and it is sub zero outside and you go to get the toddler out of the car and you see no shoes or socks on their feet and you look at the store door and you think- it is only 100 yards, they will not freeze off that fast! and then you think, well they may get cold- but then you think DC will just yank them off before I even get them out of the car, so what the hell 100 yards- they will live!


I could have written this!!!!!!!!


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## westernmamomma (Aug 25, 2005)

I'm so sorry for you mama's, my dd has never, no I really mean never, taken off her clothes on her own, no shoes, no socks, no pant, no shirts, no diaper. <avoiding rotten tomatoes> Though this does mean that dc #2 will do strip teases each and every day to make life difficult!


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## jrayn (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Erin Pavlina*
When you look back on the sleepless nights with your baby as "the good old days."

alrlight you're scaring me!!!
(I'm not quite into the toddler times, she just turned 1)


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:

...your criteria for whether your own pants are clean involves other people's bodily fluids.
Sounds like college...







:

Really though, I so know I'm a toddler's mommy b/c everyone asks me to translate!

Every windowsill everywhere is now a traintrack.

I know every Thomas train (and talk about it with adults).







:

I know to brace myself when others say things like "park" "pool table" "dvd" or "cookie".

I chastize them for their shortsightedness.

*sigh*

Thanks for all the laughs!!


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I knew I and my my friends are parents of toddlers when I was at a holiday party a couple weeks ago. The same group of friend that we partied with, played stupid drinking games with, etc... Now Mike walks in, shakes hands with my DP and another guy friend, and when asked how things are, Mike responds with "Oh it's been an exciting day, Conner pooped in the toilet today." This was his opening line at the party. Then of course the whole conversation between the men continued about little potty versus big potty, the way our kids insist that we look at the poop before it gets flushed etc... This went on for about 5 minutes. No conversation about football, just poop. If anyone had told any of us this would be our future 10 or 5 years ago we would have cried, now it's just funny.


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## aira (Jun 16, 2004)

I knew I was parenting a toddler when he was 15 or 16 months old and shoved me off the toilet, flushed, and waved bye-bye to the pee pee.

He actually shoved me _off_ the toilet!

Has his Daddy's hercules genes...


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## Nickarolaberry (Dec 24, 2001)

....

When your tinted lip gloss has gone AWOL for 5 minutes and you run into the living room to find toddler's face, hair, body, dolls, and the 4 month old (boy) baby's face painted with tinted lip gloss...and she looks up with you, grins, and says "beeeeyooooteeeeeful mama!"

When a bottlecap, toilet paper roll, eyeglasses cloth, and Daddy's unused tie clip become treasures that she has to carry with her everywhere she goes (she's in the carry-small-things-around-in-handfuls phase)

When crumbling bread can be an intense, 10 minute experience but the tens of board books and fun toys are barely touched.

When you (stupidly) say "okay" after she asks, "K Mama?" not knowing what she really asked and then you discover that she's eating the soap bubbles in the bath (soap mashed potatoes mama!)

When you have to be very careful to provide the CORRECT sippy cup top color lest toddler dissolve into screaming tantrum fit

When you thank your lucky stars that today she decided to wear her footie pajamas all day instead of sandals and a sundress in 20 degree weather.

When you wish EVERY SINGLE STORE and the POST OFFICE had a drive-through because car naps are not to be wasted!


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## heathenmom (Mar 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *My3Kids'Mama*
When you wish EVERY SINGLE STORE and the POST OFFICE had a drive-through because car naps are not to be wasted!









:


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## redhotmama (Nov 7, 2005)

You try to catch vomit on your personal body rather than have to wash the blankets and sheets and pillows again.

You have to dig through the play dough stuff to find kitchen utensils, namely cookie cutters.

You spend many hours gazing at sleeping forms and praying with all your might for them.

You are fueled by laughter.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

When one little person can make you so crazy all day long you litterally feel like hiding when DP gets home from work. Then 10 minutes after they are asleep you whine to DP , "I _miss_ him!" cause you really do miss him.


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## klstomi (Aug 17, 2003)

Some new stages:
1) ds 'manually extends' his penis & declares it's a elephant
2) you spend a weekend taking half naked, potty training ds out of the front window as he;s proudly (and loudly) singing his ABC's
3) "I don't want it" precedes every bite he takes
4) feeding the cats now means chasing them until they are traumatized and may never eat again
5) soap tastes great!
6) ds shakes his finger at you & utters,"um...excuse me mama"


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## Nani (Aug 29, 2004)

You know you have a toddler

-when you lick off your dc's face because you don't have a wipe handy

-when you find your dc with your used plastic tampon cover in her mouth and you think "I better put that bathroom trash out of reach!"









-when you forget to pay all your bills because you had to put the bills FAR OUT OF REACH of those toddler fingers

-when a much needed back rub barely even relaxes you anymore


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

When the wittiest thing you've said all day is "eew, yuck!", and it is SO hilarious that you have been cued to say it at least 100 times.


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## autumn_faune (Jun 15, 2005)

You practice NFP, and your bathroom observer has now decided you need help checking your cervix and examining the mucous.

Then you wonder what you're going to do when starts trying to check her own!








:


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## Thursday Girl (Mar 26, 2004)

when you finish brestfeeding your infant, walk into the room to get her a diaper and say "oh it smells like you need a new diaper too" only to turnm around and see that your toddler is painting HERSELF with poop!!! including her face.

when you again finish nursing your newborn walk into the hallway to hear your toddler crunching something only to discover she is once again eating dogfood.

when all this happened and it is only 11 am.


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## Monkeyfeet (Feb 5, 2005)

When you hardly ever spend any money on yourself. And when you decide to splurge and buy that necklace that you love, only to have dd take it off of your desk and you never see it again.


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## Dreaming (Feb 8, 2004)

When the only songs stuck in your head on a daily basis are those sung by the Wiggles.


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## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

when you start gettin into a show on tv then your toddler turns the tv off then on then off then on then might turn the tv volume up full blast.

Tells you to Wake Up lol thanks to dh for tellin her to tell me that one morning







:

Your toddler takes the cup you would pee in to dip pg tests and then proceeds to put it in front of her privates while she sits on her potty then she actualy pees on the potty


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## stiles' mummy (Jan 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alkenny*
...you have no problem reaching in the tub and scooping a piece of poop out...barehanded. True story.

















: on 2 occasions. If you told me this prior to having a child I would have uke Now it's all like


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

You crawl into bed at night and find a toy car, a harmonica, two books and a placemet from the kitchen table and think nothing of it. ust shove it all over to DP's side of the bed and try to get some sleep, 6 hours would be good for a change.


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## gabry (Jan 21, 2004)

Quote:

Your toddler takes the cup you would pee in to dip pg tests and then proceeds to put it in front of her privates while she sits on her potty then she actualy pees on the potty
And for a variation on this:
- when you're ttc using lots of opk and hpt sticks and ds asks for a stick when he goes to pee
- when dc pulls his sandwich apart then screams hysterically for you to 'fi (x)- it' because the separate pieces are absolutely inedible

Quote:

I know every Thomas train (and talk about it with adults)








:
- and, you actually find yourself drooling over the little trains in the store thinking "Maybe we should get Emily too..







: "


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *klstomi*
Some new stages:
1) ds 'manually extends' his penis & declares it's a elephant

Variation- ds does same, and declares it 'not a hose'








: This thread made my day!

You know you're parenting a toddler when...

your euphemism for going to the bathroom is 'sitting on spongebob' because that's the potty seat we have on the big toilet.

you email detailed descriptions of today's potty training successes to adult friends.

the baby doing poo-poo in his diaper is an exciting event, made even more exciting if he 'does a lot'.

you must sing the Railroad Song 50 times in a row to get him to eat two bites of food.

you have to kick foam letters, tupperware containers, trucks, funnels, and plastic toys out of the way as you take a shower.

taking a shower is a luxury that must be scheduled in my calendar.

you let him play in the dog's water bowl and dump water all over the floor just to get a few minutes to make dinner.

You sing to yourself 'can we fix it? Yes we can!' all day long.


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## akkimmie (Nov 2, 2005)

You know you are a parent of a toddler when you find most of the post here absolutely lol with tears of joy!!

The word SQUEEEEZE is followed by two little arms wrapped around your neck and warm fuzzies replacing all tiredness and frustrations









Here are some from Daddy

You have found more ways of saying "NO" than the eskimos have for snow.

Your belly becomes a trampoline.

Even innanimate objects have a "poopy".

Being laughed at when you dance is no longer something to be ashamed of.

You know snake oil does exist - it is called ice cream.

You accept that your life's purpose was to be a jungle gym.

Speed walking involves carrying 30 lbs.

Sign language no longer involves just one finger.


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## klstomi (Aug 17, 2003)

- you discover that the Wiggles "Hoop-Dee-Doo" dance is great for slimming the hips
- you also discover your ability to talk on the phone and handwash dishes while ds has a vise grip on your legs and his nose up your backside
- you get showered (maybe) and dressed in five minutes flat, ds has leisurely bubble bath every night AND takes up to 15 minutes to be caught & dressed
- learn to relive the simple pleasure of bubbles, trains, birds, butterflys etc.


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## Samjm (Mar 12, 2005)

Your co-sleeping toddler is sick and pukey and pukes in your bed, you send DH for a towel and by the time he's back your DC has calmed down and fallen asleep while nursing. So instead of waking everyone up and stripping the bed, you send DH to the spare room for the night, put the towel over the puke and go back to sleep so you can deal with it in the morning (that was last night!).

You purposefully take a long route home because DC is finally napping in the car.

You don't think twice about crawling around and growling at your DC who thinks it is hysterical to be "attacked" by this mommy monster.


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## Earth Goddess (Jul 20, 2005)

You know you're the parent of a toddler when...

~you wake up in the middle of the night with Wiggles songs in your head, and nothing you do will exorcise them;

~you don't own one shirt without a stain on it;

~If it can't hurt him and it's keeping him busy, you let him play with it, no matter what "it" is

~You call your husband "Dada" and he calls you "Mama", even when you're alone together

~You are constantly amazed by how much your child has learned in such a short time....and by how much you love him!


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## Jennifer3141 (Mar 7, 2004)

You find yourself hand expressing milk into a plastic ball for "sippies" when you DD wants her milk in a glass.


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## apmama2myboo (Mar 30, 2005)

-your house contains more works of art than can be found at the Louvre

-you've nursed a crayon, a star, a Boohbah and your toddler all by 11 a.m.

-you've had your child chew on crayons, and then nurse, leaving a blue ring around your nummie

-nummies go by several names, such as "mine," "side," "nummies" or it's converse "moneys!", and "yo yo" (that's what she calls a smoothie or a shake, cause she thinks there's yogurt in it). talk about feeling like a Dairy Queen! LOL

-helping with the clean laundry means putting your panties on her head and running around like a drunken frat boy going "yayyyyyyyy!!!!!"

-you say, "Gimme 5!" in the tub, and you get a foam number five in your hand and a devilish grin and demented laughter as your toddler squeals with glee

-you beg for them to poop. you can remember the last time they pooped, and whether or not you go to the store that morning depends on whether or not they've gone yet, because you've seen them either work on it, or fight it (thank god this phase seems to have passed LOL)

-when you go to the library, they have to pull out, sit in and push back in every single chair in the kids section

-you really want them to take a nap so you can eat something really naughty like five brownies, enough sugar to keep you going the rest of the day

-you secretly drink coke out of your coffee cup so they won't see it and want it, or keep the coke in the fridge and take little "nips" throughout the day

-you desperately try not to laugh when at an inlaws' christmas function when your toddler looks at you deadpan and says, "Mama, baby BORED."

--PBS seriously cheeses you off when they change their programming for NO GOOD REASON, making your transition-phobic toddler scream out "mama where Boohbah???!!!" when they've been replaced by "instructional programming"

i could go on all day )

jen
caitlyn 2/9/04


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## jazzpurr88 (May 20, 2003)

You know your a parent of a toddler when

you get funny looks at the post office cause you have sticker dots all over your face forehead and one on each breast from a sticker match you had with your toddler and then got distracted by mom calling you on the phone and then realizing it is 4:42 p.m. and the post office is closing at 5:00 p.m.


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## andy (Jun 7, 2005)

...when you see your hubbie bent down infront of a closed bedroom door and he is directing your child on how to turn the lock on the opposite side... and your child actually follows his directions!!


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## sparkprincess (Sep 10, 2004)

Oh my gosh!!









I'll have to go back and read the whole list. Just wanted to add mine before I forget.

- when you constantly find toys and other assorted items in your shoes
- you find yourself saying odd things such as: "we don't bite the furniture"
- you find a stray cheerio in the folds of your dc's clothing during a diaper change....and you eat it....


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## Saartje (Oct 22, 2004)

You know you're parenting a toddler when the only bananas you eat are sliced ones your toddler refused.


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## Quagmire (Sep 27, 2005)

... when you catch your child mid-run and take a quick sniff of the diaper area to see where that smell is coming from.... in public.


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## nicolena (Oct 10, 2005)

when your dc are screaming so you pile them into the car, no objective in mind, and end up at marshall's in the corner with the books because it's free, it's warm, and it's NOT YOUR HOUSE.

when you fantasize about boxes/toyboxes/armoirs--anything to hide all the junk you wish you and dp were zen enough to throw out.... "junk" like glasses and pens and laptops.......

when you are overly protective of "mommy's toilet paper."


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## tigrinho (Jun 20, 2004)

You know you're parenting a toddler when:
-you are called urgently from the other room to verify that yes indeed those are the giraffe's feet.
-One of your mantras is Only on the paper. We only draw on paper!
-DC gets disappointed if you don't count all the way to 3 even if she stopped misbehaving at 1.
-You are suddenly the best artist the world has ever seen (to their eyes)
-You get to paint every day.
-You still talk about Santa Claus everyday, even though it's almost Feb.
-You find yourself moving incredibly fast to get the potty when dc says pee-pee or poo-poo


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## Nickarolaberry (Dec 24, 2001)

....

Every day, your 2 year old tells you,

Mama, you make the best Cheerios EVER.


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## Dreaming (Feb 8, 2004)

When you go down the "list" of friends and family members (and sometimes one-time acquaintences) on a nearly daily basis and explain where each person is.

DD: "Grammy, Grandpa?"
Me: "They're in Duluth. At home."
DD: "Oh! Luth! Yeah." Pause "Mike?"
Me: "Uncle Mike is at school."
DD: "Todd?"
Me: "Uh...Daddy's friend Todd is...uh...working."
And on and on.


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## afishwithabike (Jun 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Artist Mama*
When you go down the "list" of friends and family members (and sometimes one-time acquaintences) on a nearly daily basis and explain where each person is.

DD: "Grammy, Grandpa?"
Me: "They're in Duluth. At home."
DD: "Oh! Luth! Yeah." Pause "Mike?"
Me: "Uncle Mike is at school."
DD: "Todd?"
Me: "Uh...Daddy's friend Todd is...uh...working."
And on and on.









Good to know mine's not the only one who does this.


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## Epiphany (Oct 18, 2003)

When you often find your DH with his hair in a pony tail along with duckie barretts, a purple tutu around his thigh, and various play silks draped over his shoulders forming his "princess gown".







Its a darn good thing he works from home.


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## Apryl Srissa (Oct 1, 2005)

Popping back in and out of here has kept me laughing all evening









When giving the 6 month old, then the 2 year old baths leaves me soaked enough that I now automatically get out a clean shirt when getting out PJs for them

When all of Daddy's drawings (he's an artist) are SO PETTY, and yet he still asks toddler's opinion, and is upset when it isn't 'pretty'

when all pasta and noodles have the same name. Usually it's mac-ee-oni-oni, but this week is 'ghetti.

You know that tone of voice you use when you call kids by middle name (the in trouble voice)? The 2 yr old has it down, and now calls his big bro Air-in MIchael all the time

Peeing always requires that I give ds tissue too, not that he uses it, but he MUST have it

When you catch him sharing candy (a sucker today, another day a HOT cinnamon candy) with the 6 month old, you are impressed that he was willing to share more than you are worried about the baby having sugar (he didn't seem to care either way)


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

You know your a parent of a toddler when.......

You call your DP at work just to say "She pooped in her potty!"

It takes you a week and a half to complete a one-page email for a committee you're on.

When you find your dog's food bowl floating in her water dish on a regular basis.

When you go out with your DC wearing only a swimsuit and a pair of rain boots and it's February. (Their coat is in your other hand of course.)

When it takes an hour to make pancakes because you have such a helpful assistant.

When you find dirty laundry stuffed into your front-load washer full of _clean_ clothes when you go to put them in the dryer.

When you get a request for "beans" at dinner and you know it means "M&Ms" rather than actual beans.

When you find coffee grounds on the window sill and other places far from your coffee maker.

When you go out in public forgetting about the "tattoos" your DC put all over your arms, legs and face with a stamping pen.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

When DH arrives home after DS has gone to bed and comments that the house looks "so much better" and all I did was pick up the toys!!

The most beautiful song I've heard all week? "ya-ya-ya, ya-ya-ya WOAH" (almost 16 month old DS singing Elmo's World, which is played in our house by a toy phone, but he only sings along to Mommy's made up version called "Zaker's World" LOL.)

When you've just spent a minute trying to think of how to spell the way a nearly 16 month old says 'world' LOL It's HARD...if I put 'wow' that's not right, but he does kinda throw in a 'w' sound in place of the 'r' and 'l'


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## Mab (Jul 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Starflower*

When you find your dog's food bowl floating in her water dish on a regular basis.


























I'm laughing so hard!! so, so true!!!


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