# Scared About Natural Birth



## Kesi (Feb 25, 2010)

Hi Ladies!

I'm currently pregnant with my first baby, and I am gung-ho about having this kiddo sans drugs or interventions. I'm lucky and have a midwife that is very supportive of everything that I have expressed a desire to do (or not to do!). We won't be inducing, we will not be using pain medication; basically just letting nature take it's course.

Here's my dilemma. I'm a huge baby when it comes to pain. I know that labor is a very natural process and it's nothing I can't handle, I'm just terrified that at one point I'll start screaming for pain medication. My husband is very supportive of my no-interventions policy, and I know he'll do his best to keep my mind on that path. He knows how scared I am of drugging myself....I'm just scared I won't be strong enough.









So my question is, were any of you (or are you) just as scared or nervous about the pain? What were some ways you naturally alleviated the pain you felt during childbirth? Did you meditate, use a labor tub? Any encouraging words are appreciated!


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## kltroy (Sep 30, 2006)

First, congratulations on your pregnancy! Now about the pain thing... let's put things into perspective. You go through life and get your period every month. 1 week out of 4, you bleed. This is something you put up with for darn close to 40 years.

Now think about labor and birth. It's one day. And the part that's anything to write home about is generally less than 12 hours. For me it was right around 6 hours that I had to actually concentrate to get through labor. 6 hours of your life. Compared to 40 years worth of periods and another 30 years of menopause. 6 hours is probably less time than you spend at the dentist getting cavities filled in your lifetime.

Ok that's some perspective. I'm not saying that labor is a piece of cake, but really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that bad, and it doesn't last that long. IME, it is like climbing a mountain a little bit. It's not fun every step of the way, but you are motivated to carry on because of what you get at the end. You get breaks in between contractions, so it's not really continuous. It's hard work, but it's not so hard that you can't do it. For me, the key thing was knowing, without a doubt, that I was able to do it -- that this is what my body was MADE to do, and that my job was just to let my body do its job, which was to have my baby.

so what do you DO to cope? First, there are a lot of good classes and techniques that you can take/learn. Hypnobabies is one that many people find helpful. Birthing from Within works for many. Bradley Method also works. Having a doula or some other experienced continuous labor support person will help immensely. (If your husband seems resistant to this idea, I like the "sherpa" analogy: You would climb Mt. Everest with an experienced climbing partner, but wouldn't you also want a Sherpa along with you? Someone with local knowledge, who's been up it before?)

Personally, I ended up sitting on a birth ball for most of my labor (at least, the part that I needed to concentrate for). A tub would have been nice too, or a shower. To get through my 2+ hour transition I mostly counted my breaths. 15 breaths per contraction, and then it was over.

I also suggest you read The Birth Partner by Patty Simkin. Great book. Also read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - especially the wonderful inspirational stories in the first half. They help you get your mind wrapped around the idea that birth is first and foremost *joyful* - not *painful*!

Finally, consider that by giving birth, you are participating in a singular life experience that all mothers share. For me, I felt it was important to be fully present when my daughter was born. I wanted to feel her come out, to catch her warm soft body in my hands. I still vividly remember feeling my pelvis stretch as she came out, and it was a most intense and strange feeling! I am glad that I have these memories to share with my daughter for when she becomes a mother.

Best of luck with a happy and healthy pregnancy!


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## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

Have you asked yourself what it is you are afraid of? I mean, I know the pain, but more specifically, is there a part of labor that makes you more afraid? Are you concerned about anything other than the pain?

I'm a control freak by nature and going into my birth I was more afraid of losing control than of the actual pain. For me, that meant that an epidural was petrifying which is what first got me thinking about a natural birth. Once I did more research, I did become afraid of the actual pain. I was able to narrow down my fears, though which really helped. I found I was afraid of the unknown, so I watched videos and asked experienced moms what it was like. My biggest fear was pushing/crowing and it proved to be the hardest part of labor for me. It is when my fears surfaced and I gave into the panic. I wish now that I would have stayed more calm during that phase because I know that the panic was much worse then the actual pain.

So hear is my advice based on my experience. Have a birth plan in place. Stay away from all intervention, not just pain meds. IME cervical checks were painful during labor. I refused for them to break my water because I had heard that the water intact give extra cushioning during contractions. Anytime I was attached to a monitor and restricted to bed I was in more pain. So moving around, walking, bouncing on a birth ball, taking a shower, all helped with the pain. I also found dim lighting and calming music to be very helpful. The more calm I was, the less pain I felt (or at least the easier it was to cope with). Have SUPPORT!!! The last thing I wanted to do was worry about other people, but I found myself concerned with the emotions of others during my labor. A doula is a fantastic idea and can really help to keep focused.

For the pushing/crowning phase, all I can say is that for some people it provides relief. It is said to feel good to work with contractions and push. For me this was not the case and I wish ahead of time I would have known that yes, it is going to hurt and it's going to be intense but it won't kill you, it won't break you in half, yes the baby will come out, and once you feel that ring of fire it's usually only minutes before you get to see your baby. At that point, you've already done it. There is no longer hours of labor in front of you. The finish line is right there.

You can do it. It's well worth it.


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## 47chromosomes (Aug 5, 2007)

Looking back after my first birth, a natural birth in a hospital setting, there just was not a whole lot you can do to a) speculate what contractions or pushing will feel like, or b) know how you will react. I think to educate yourself as thoroughly as possible about the natural process of birth, and employing a supportive birth attendant is a really great start. The being nervous part is very normal. Wondering if you will be able to do it is normal. For me those questions remained until I was holding my little guy in my hands in front of me. You sound like you are on the right path, mama!

If I were to give you one more piece of advice, it would be to invest in a great doula. We had a doula for our first birth who helped us to labor at home a long as possible, helped us to know when to go to the hospital (because I just had no idea how far along I was having never given birth before), and not only helped me emotionally to be strong and to feel reassured about how normally things were going, but also had great tips for DH to help me during labor, and also just had the "right touch" when it came to pressing on my back and massaging just the right spot. I can't speak too highly of my doula, and I would love every woman--especially when doing this labor/birth thing for the first time--to have that benefit.

You are going to do great.


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## Anna's Lovey (Dec 24, 2008)

"So my question is, were any of you (or are you) just as scared or nervous about the pain? What were some ways you naturally alleviated the pain you felt during childbirth? Did you meditate, use a labor tub? Any encouraging words are appreciated!"

I guess I was a little scared about the pain, but I just assumed that I could do it without the medications since my mother had done the same. It was only about two weeks before my due date that I started to learn about how the hospital setting is soo un-conducive to a natural labor and delivery and that most people who want a natural birth actually take classes for months beforehand! I wound up giving birth with pitocin but no epi. Mt husband helped me through the contractions by putting his hands on my back. That's it. I didn't do any special breathing or visualizations or baths or aromatherapy or chanting...
I hope your birth goes well and that your baby is healthy!


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

i am exatcly the same i can almost cry just from stubbing my toe, however all my births were homebirths with pain meds.
i found having a bath during labour helps also sitting on a birth ball rocking side to side also helps, i,m not going to lie to you there were moments in all my labours when i felt like i couldn,t do it but that was the trasitional stage and i tend to get a little freaked out but that is apperently normal and means not too long now.
i think it would be good for you to write a list of any fears you have and discuss them with your mw and partner so they can help and encourage you through them when the time comes.
take care


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## kiwiva (Apr 17, 2006)

I think I was more scared of getting an epidural than the birth pain so that was a motivator for me.

I think it is perfectly normal to be fearful of this. We spend our entire lives getting all these messages about how painful birth is. Whatever you can do to change your thinking will go a long way. I used the hypnobabies program and part of it was daily affirmations that helped change my thinking about pregnancy and birth and there is also a fear release script that was helpful.

It was so helpful for me to read Henci Goer's book. Really knowing exactly why I didn't want to fall into a big mountain of interventions was so helpful. It was also great for DH who really couldn't understand why anyone would go through pain if there were drugs to alleviate it.

Now, all that said, at one point during my labor I was feeling tired and discouraged and asked about pain meds. Having a midwife, doula and DH who all knew that I didn't want drugs saved me from myself. They distracted me, told me we'd talk about it at a particular future point, got me through that moment and then it all went fine.

There are so many tools you can use to manage the pain: positions, water, hypnosis, etc. Read as much as you can about natural birth. Whatever you do avoid negative birth stories. Everyone will want to tell you their bad ones. I'd also recommend Ina May's book. SO inspirational!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I think it's good that you're thinking about this now while you have time to prepare. I'd recommend reading some positive birth stories, like the ones in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Find some nice birth movies to watch, like "Gentle Birth Choices."

If you have a Bradley teacher in your area, I would highly recommend taking the Bradley classes. I took them with my second baby and they were helpful for me.


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## billikengirl (Sep 12, 2008)

I'm a huge wimp too, and I did it. If everything is normal, you can totally do it too!









My very best advice is don't do labor math. That is: stay in the moment. Do not calculate how much longer or stronger the contractions will get, just take them one at a time. You can do ANYTHING for a minute/90 seconds. Then that one's over and you're one closer to meeting your baby. And just when you're sure you can't take it anymore, you're done!

I second the recommendation of reading some Ina May. One thing that helped me in labor was to get out of my own way, to stop listening to my brain, and as Ina May says "let your monkey do it." Your body knows how to give birth--just let go and don't let your brain get in the way.


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## mintyeyes (Jun 2, 2010)

Labor pain is different from any other kind of pain you've experiences. Yes, it hurts, but it's not like stubbing your toe or cutting your finger. Nothing "wrong" is happening during labor, your body isn't giving you a cue to stop doing what you're doing. Your body eases you into it. The contractions start off slow and build up - each one feels like a wave rising then falling. You get rest in between to regroup, nature is very kind in that way.

The book that was most helpful to me was "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". I didn't follow their methods exactly, but I loved the explanation of the stages of labor, the ways that labor can start, the various ways that labor can progress, etc. Because of that book, I knew beyond anything else, that when I got to the point where you think "I can't do this anymore" (or in my specific case I was thinking "I'd be so much easier if they would just cut the baby out!") that I was in transition and I was near the end! Knowing that I was close is what got me through.

The other important thing that the Bradley book taught me was to relax your muscles during a contraction. When you feel pain, it's a reflex to tense up, but being tense slows everything down and makes your body work harder to do what it needs to do. I found if I was able to start breathing deeply at the start of a contraction and really focus on staying relaxed the contraction would barely hurt at all, if I wasn't able to relax the pain was much worse.

Best of luck to you! Do some reading/research and I'm sure that will help calm your fears


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## RedOakMomma (Sep 30, 2004)

I also liked "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way"...their explanations of what was happening, and what the sensations were, was EXTREMELY calming to me during labor. As long as I could visualize what was happening during contractions, I felt on top of the pain. I knew what it was doing, and since my muscles were working so hard it made sense that the pressure/sensations would be extreme.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth was also very helpful...and mamas, help me out, what is that quote that's so amazing?

...Something like *"The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you."* That thought was always (is always) so comforting.


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## Momma Moo Martin (May 24, 2009)

When you cut your finger or break a bone, that just sucks. There is no purpose to that pain. However, when you are giving birth and on the cusp of the final step of creation for your baby, there is absolutely a purpose to the pain (it's the birth of your baby) and that is such a motivation!!! I remember all of sudden becoming very "Mama-Bear" strong in my last month of pregnancy and finding strength within myself to bravely birth and do whatever I had to do for my child. It is that mother love which trickles through you during pregnancy that gets turned on full force towards the end. You can do this and it's going to be okay!!! Congratulations on your new blessing!


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I've had three full-term births. I get the jitters still just thinking about labor.









For me, my approach was stoicism. It is what it is. It hurts. My body is doing it's thing. It'll end and I'll have my baby.

I labored at home and did a lot of stuff to distract myself (cooked, changed sheets, etc). By the time I got to the hospital there wasn't a whole lot of time for contemplation anyway. Things went too fast with the second two to even consider drugs.

One thing I would say is this: You may decide you an epidural. There's no "shame" in that. But if you want to avoid one, do not accept drugs like Stadol or Demerol. They will be offered "to take the edge off" and "give you a rest", and presented as somethign "less" than an epidural. In my experience (with my first delivery), my observation of my sister's delivery, and the many birth stories I've read, these drugs are pretty much of the devil.







For most women who talk about having them, they made them feel loopy, out of control, afraid and very vulnerable to suggestion ("Oh, poor thing. You want the epidural now, don't you?").


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## MamaChicken (Aug 21, 2006)

I totally agree with the Ina May book. If stories inspire you, the first half of the book is great. If detailed technical info is helpful (I love to analyze things) the second half of the book is facinating.

I did HypnoBabies with babies 2-4 and would recommend it to anyone. Even if it doesn't work perfectly for you, it made me so calm and confident! Amazing! And I had pain-med free, painless births, even with my twins which was a highly "managed", pitocin augmented, delivery in the operating room "just in case" with literally 18 people in the room watching.


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## Lucy&Jude'sMama (Jun 4, 2010)

My first was born in a hospital all natural. Now I will admit I tend to have a high pain tolerance but I'm a totally cuss and scream and am overall not a nice person when I've either hurt myself on accident or don't feel good so naturally l though I'd be one of the screaming women you see in the movies who treats everyone in the room with them like crap.... But... In labor I wasn't like that at all. For one I was too focused on mento be a witch to anyone but I never screamed, cussed, and I was actually a really nice laboring woman.

I never took a child birth class but I did watch a lot of natural child birth videos. So I prepared mentally. I'm knew I was going to feel pain but I took it one contraction at a time and from watching the videos I learned that the more pain I was in the closer I was getting to seeing my daughter for the first time. This got me excited and stifiled my fear of the pain... I took more of a "bring it on" attitude. I was so ready to meet my little girl. Also watching the videos I saw that my body would not split in two and labor did not have to resemble movie Alien! Hehe

A labor tub helped me with back pain up until transition time then it was just getting through the pain. I second what another lady said about mobility. I was in more pain everytime they tried to strap me down. Know your rights and know the hospital policies that you can avoid or not avoid. I failed to research that the first time and my biggest annoyance was being hungry in early labor and getting kicked out of the cafe. Ha! That and bein poked at evey hour.... Fetal monitors and vagina checks. Very annoying when your trying to get into a good mind set.

Anyways that's my two cents... Typed on my iPhone so sorry if there are a bunch of typing errors!!!


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## fairydoula (Jul 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cappuccinosmom* 
I've had three full-term births. I get the jitters still just thinking about labor.









For me, my approach was stoicism. It is what it is. It hurts. My body is doing it's thing. It'll end and I'll have my baby.

I labored at home and did a lot of stuff to distract myself (cooked, changed sheets, etc). By the time I got to the hospital there wasn't a whole lot of time for contemplation anyway. Things went too fast with the second two to even consider drugs.

One thing I would say is this: You may decide you an epidural. There's no "shame" in that. But if you want to avoid one, do not accept drugs like Stadol or Demerol. They will be offered "to take the edge off" and "give you a rest", and presented as somethign "less" than an epidural. In my experience (with my first delivery), my observation of my sister's delivery, and the many birth stories I've read, these drugs are pretty much of the devil.







For most women who talk about having them, they made them feel loopy, out of control, afraid and very vulnerable to suggestion ("Oh, poor thing. You want the epidural now, don't you?").

I SO agree with this! If I weren't TOTALLY PARANOID about needles in or anywhere NEAR my back or really, any part of my body, I probably would have wanted an epidural for my first. I had pit and demerol and the demerol made me throw up and completely took away my sense of time, control or will. I hated it later, the feelings, or sometimes lack of feelings that it caused. It also made me sleep inbetween contractions, which sounds nice, but when drug induced, is actually horrible, because I'd wake up with a ctx already starting and I never felt like I could get "ahead" of it, so I felt like I was playing catchup for each contraction, and I felt very out of control. It sucked a LOT. I was so glad to move to the pushing stage!!
If you want to avoid drugs, then STAY HOME as long as possible, read and watch as many videos as you can, and find a good doula that YOU connect with. Nevermind about her experience, there are doulas with 20 years experience who are not right for YOU, find someone you feel comfortable with, who you can talk to and who "gets" you.
- Jen


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I think i see labour not as something i "do" but as something that "happens". And i just worked on accepting it would hurt, but i didn't need to "do" anything about it.

Do you have a good imagination? I was told it would be the most painful thing i could imagine, well i have a good imagination! And it simply wasn't that bad, because what i can imagine is worse than what is.

You might well scream for pain meds - i did, with DD1! Of course i was at home and couldn't have any, but in transition of COURSE i yelled for them - you get to feeling desperate at the end. I can remember hearing "i need an ambulance, i HAVE to get an epidural!" coming out of my mouth and smiling inside, i knew i was going to meet my baby soon.

My tips for getting through are:

Only worry about the current contraction - stay in the moment, the only one's which matter are the one you're in (which will be over in a minute or less) and all the one's you've done (because you've added to your endorphins and can add to your confidence in yourself with every one you get through). There's no good worrying about the next one, enjoy the gap instead. I second a PP, DON'T do maths - don't try to use the past to estimate or predict the future - i took 12 hours to get dilated to a 3 and then only 4 hours more to be done and holding my baby with DD1 and i got to full dilation with ctx every 10mins still with DD2. Just trust that your body is doing what it is MEANT to do and you don't need to know cms dilated or watch a clock to "prove" that.

Stay home and don't take it seriously until it IS serious. If you're standing wondering "does this hurt a lot? I think this hurts a lot!" then it's probably not serious. Unless you have very unpainful labour - i would say out of 10 my contractions never get above a 5, and i still, at 5, can only think "ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" in the midst of it. There is no wondering. If you can still listen, speak (with effort perhaps) or think about stuff during the contractions then you can safely stay home and clean the kitchen for another half hour.

Give yourself no choice. I did that with DD1, with DD2 i had no doubts. But tell yourself you can't have drugs. You just can't. Whatever happens it won't be drugs. There is no specific way a drug free labour looks. My midwife friends tell me some women do it drug free peacefully, as if they're having a little rest, then the baby arrives, and some do it screaming curse words at the top of their lungs with every contractions. Neither way is better.

Here's a little song from The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant. In the book the midwives sing it to the labouring women - the book is set in biblical times, and they have very little in terms of pain relief, so FEAR relief is very important.

"Fear not, the time is coming
Fear not, your bones are strong
Fear not, help is nearby
Fear not Gula is near (gula is a goddess who helps birthing women)
Fear not, the baby is at the door
Fear not, he will live to bring you honor
Fear not, the hands of the midwife are clever
Fear not, the earth is beneath you
Fear not, we have water and salt
Fear not, little mother
Fear not, mother of us all"

Know your fear, embrace it, it's just part of becoming and being a mother. You can do it, your monkey knows how


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kltroy* 
Now think about labor and birth. It's one day. And the part that's anything to write home about is generally less than 12 hours. For me it was right around 6 hours that I had to actually concentrate to get through labor. 6 hours of your life. Compared to 40 years worth of periods and another 30 years of menopause. 6 hours is probably less time than you spend at the dentist getting cavities filled in your lifetime.

That's what I thought going into labor... but then I ended up being in labor for ~3 days. A lot of things happened during my labor that I just wasn't prepared for. I wish I had educated myself more about the different ways labor could progress (or... um... NOT progress!) and issues with positioning etc. I had severe lower back and it was almost constant, not 90-seconds/break/90-seconds/break. I'm not saying this to scare you, OP, just to say that if everything goes 'normally' you'll be more likely to be able to birth without an epi but if things are out of the range of normal it could be a huge help to be mentally prepared otherwise the epi might seem like your only option.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cappuccinosmom* 
One thing I would say is this: You may decide you an epidural. There's no "shame" in that. But if you want to avoid one, do not accept drugs like Stadol or Demerol. They will be offered "to take the edge off" and "give you a rest", and presented as somethign "less" than an epidural. In my experience (with my first delivery), my observation of my sister's delivery, and the many birth stories I've read, these drugs are pretty much of the devil.







For most women who talk about having them, they made them feel loopy, out of control, afraid and very vulnerable to suggestion ("Oh, poor thing. You want the epidural now, don't you?").

This. I didn't want the epi but I was so exhausted & they couldn't 'check' me sot I reluctantly agreed to first something to help me sleep and then Stadol. I felt completely out of control & ended up getting the epi as soon as the Stadol wore off. It was a disaster. Of course, that's not the whole story (for example, I'm also a sexual abuse survivor & they told me the only way they could 'check' me was if I got the epi... no mention of the fact that they actually didn't need to check me at all) but I do feel like those "lesser" pain meds left me worse off than if I had just gotten the epi, and were the start of a downward spiral.

Sooo just wanted to provide some insight from someone who ended up getting an epidural. I actually live in pain nearly every day & don't consider myself a baby about it, so I was surprised when I "couldn't handle" natural birth. I also felt (feel) a lot of regret/shame about it & everything that happened during DS's birth, and that's not how you want to feel about your child's birth!! Just educate yourself as much as possible, be prepared for different things that could happen so you'll be better equipped than I was. Good luck!!


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kltroy* 
6 hours is probably less time than you spend at the dentist getting cavities filled in your lifetime.

Not only that, but you get a break between ctrx (in most cases.) So even at the worst (which was about 1.5 hour for me during transition) I still had a 3 min break between. Ctrx were 1 min long, but they ramped up & ramped back down - so probably 30 seconds only of "pain." That's 30 seconds out of every 4 min - that's 7.5 min per hour! Not bad, huh?

Laboring in water was also FANTASTIC! I was fortunate enough to have an in-ground pool at my house & labored on a July afternoon, so most of labor was spent floating with my upper body through a raft in the pool. Vocalizations were great too - made me feel like I was _doing something_ to help cope.

Hopefully your MW is also on board with:

no continuous fetal monitoring
no IV fluids (I think even a hep-lock without anything attached is wholly unnecessary)
eating & drinking as desired
movement as desired
No AROM (artificial rupture of membranes- "Breaking your water")
No pitocin to 'speed things up'
These will make your coping easier as well.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
Do you have a good imagination? I was told it would be the most painful thing i could imagine, well i have a good imagination! And it simply wasn't that bad, because what i can imagine is worse than what is.

Love this! & so true for me too.
Basically in most situations in life I've found that if I dread & fear something, it's never as bad as I imagine. Whatever I build up in my own head of the unknown is always worse than reality.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

I was totally scared, too. And I DID end up screaming for the meds-- but by the time it was that bad, I was like five minutes away from pushing and it was too late for meds. I like going in this time knowing that-- that when it finally gets REALLY bad, it means I'm ALMOST done. Make sure that your husband knows that if you start hollering for medication, and decide to get an epidural, get them to check your dilation before giving you medication/epidural. I've known a few people who were doing great the whole time, then hit transition and wanted the drugs, then as soon as they got the epidural in, it was time to push-- so basically they were almost done and all that happened was that their pushing got screwed up by a useless epidural.

I used lamaze and found it to be great all through the early stages of labor and right up until that late transition pre-pushing part.

Also, since this is your first time, get a doula if at all possible. It will be very helpful to have someone who understands labor, knows what you're going through, and knows how to help you. Your husband will be great for loving moral support, but having someone with experience will really save you when things get intense.


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## Tithonia (Mar 18, 2008)

I just want to add to all the good advice that's already been given: it helps to know what's going on. If you study the pictures and descriptions in a book like "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way," you may be able to recognize the sensations you are feeling in terms of what is actually happening inside you, and for some people this changes the way they experience labor. My sister, who describes her second labor as painless, says that this is what she did. Feeling contractions as your uterus working in a certain specific way, rather than as meaningless, mysterious pains, can really help.

That being said, I did experience my labor as painful (except when I was in the tub), but as somebody else said, it is a different kind of pain. Being prepared with techniques and having labor support really make a difference too. Having lots of things to try and people to remind you of them and encourage you makes a natural birth much more likely for most people. I think many women just kind of hope that it will be okay, but don't do any preparation. One technique I highly recommend from my experience is laboring in water. I would have happily stayed in the tub the whole time, but when my midwife came she made me get out because my bag of waters had broken (I was already at 8cm, which really surprised me). Things seemed a lot slower and harder once I was out of the water. However, it never crossed my mind to want drugs or even to make loud noises. I was too busy concentrating on the job at hand, I guess.









And my absolute highest recommendation is to read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth!


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## Sudonk (Nov 29, 2005)

I felt the same way going into my first birth. I am a total wimp, and one of my biggest fears was acting wild from pain or crying for drugs. I initially assumed I would get an epidural as soon as possible, but a little research into them changed my mind. I was terrified of birth, but just as petrified of epidurals, so I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. What helped me was education.

I read, read, read. I took a HypnoBirthing class, but didn't find it helpful as more than a vague concept, since the class offered little to no practical information. But I did finally find Hypnobabies childbirth hypnosis, which was perfect for me. It offered all the great natural childbirth information on exactly what happens, the how and why and physiology as well as psychology of birth. It included all the great comfort tips to use during an unmedicated birth. It was amazingly eye-opening. Then it went on to teach me deep self-hypnosis techniques that not only gave me amazing confidence in my ability to give birth, it gave me strong skills that allowed me to really enjoy my births in comfort. Plus, I use the skills almost every day to improve my comfort in many situations (including unmedicated dental and medical procedures), control my blood pressure and stress level, and sleep really well. Using Hypnobabies for my births was the best decision I made with regard to my pregnancies and I highly recommend it. It made my pregnancies more relaxed and comfortable, helped me sleep soundly before, during (yes, it's true!) and after my births and gave me confidence that allowed me to look forward to my births with joy instead of trepidation.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

What Cappuccinosmom said


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

You've gotten great words of wisdom here, Mama.








You can do it. You really, really can.
The most important thing for me is to not anticipate the next contraction, the next wave. Whether 3 minutes or 1 minute or 15 secs between I "need' that time to completely relax my whole self, mind and body because I have always found when I tense to anticipate what is next, it makes what comes more difficult and very often when I am relaxed and accept~ its not as bad as the last. Really. I know for me it is because I allow myself to anticipate and tense and fear what is next and my dh reminds me to ride the TOP of it and not get UNDER it with fear. I've had 3 pitocin induced but pain med free births. Long and intense, yes. Undoable, no.
In fact, I am preparing to birth again in a few weeks, my 4th, and if I allow myself I become fearful and hesitant and worried and all of those things.
I focus to 'not borrow worry' and know that the labor and intense birth process will end and my son will be here. I also know this is the last time I will be birthing a child and plan to be concious of every moment and not anticipate the next. It is also very true that just when you think you can't do another minute you are likely very, very close to the end.
Just when I blurt "I can't do this anymore" dh reminds me that I AM doing it and we are almost done, it's almost over. And when it is, oh my God, the realization and that humid baby~ the most lifechanging moment.
Aslo~ as other pp have said, at some point needing help doesn't mean you are not strong and fierce, Mama. There is no 'shame' in a difficult labor.
And it sounds like you've got a great match in your mw!

Congrats Mama on your pregnancy and upcoming birth!


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kesi* 
So my question is, were any of you (or are you) just as scared or nervous about the pain? What were some ways you naturally alleviated the pain you felt during childbirth? Did you meditate, use a labor tub? Any encouraging words are appreciated!

I wasn't especially nervous the first time - I think just sort of normal anxiety, mostly due to the fact that so much about labor was unknown. Overall, I felt confident, but I did have moments of uncertainty.

I think what I primarily got out of my labors (I've had two, #3 expected any day now) is that (1) giving birth is different for every woman and each birth a woman has is different from the others she has had; (2) giving birth can be absolutely excruciatingly painful for no apparent reason, including if you have done "everything right" during your pregnancy to prepare and during the labor to cope; and (3) no matter how bad it gets, you can get through it. It can be done. That isn't to say that you HAVE to do it if you find you reach a point where you really need pain relief. There's nothing wrong with reaching that point and most women do. However, you can reassure yourself that *even if* you have a very, very painful birth, you can still do it unmedicated. As long as there is no medical indication for an epidural (like perhaps elevated blood pressure or a stalled labor - epi can help sometimes in both of those situations - or needing a c-section), if you really want to you may be surprised just how much your body and mind can tolerate, or what you can get through.

Most women experience a manageable level of pain during childbirth, which may become too intense or unmanageable briefly (usually during transition) but which afterward is described as doable. A much smaller proportion of women experience very little, if any, pain during childbirth. And a small proportion of women experience absolutely excruciating agony.









It isn't possible to predict what your experience will be, and I think it helps to go into the birth with your eyes open, knowing there is a tremendous range of possible experiences before you. Do what you can to prepare (classes, reading, educating yourself, choosing a NCB-supportive HCP, choosing birth location carefully, taking good care of yourself during pregnancy by eating appropriately and exercising regularly, hiring a doula, looking into things like waterbirth, etc.), and then allow the birth to be whatever it will be, knowing that you've done all you can to maximize your chances of a natural and peaceful birth.

I hope it goes beautifully for you. If it doesn't - it isn't your fault, nor should you feel any sense of failure. Birth is not a competition and all of our bodies and babies are different. Birth can't be summed up easily or described the same for everyone, nor does everyone feel the same way about similar experiences. Birth is like a quilt. We can all contribute our individual squares to the quilt and you can get an idea of what things might be like for you based on looking at all the squares, but none of them will be the same as yours. Yours will still be unique to you and your baby. Remember that all of your preparation is to put you in the best possible position to have the kind of birth you desire. None of it is a reflection of how good you are, or whether your body works correctly, or how strong you are.


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## Kesi (Feb 25, 2010)

Thank you for all of the wonderful support and advice, ladies! I certainly didn't think I'd get so many well-thought-out replies! I think my biggest fear is going into the unknown. I'm also a huge control freak, and when I feel out of control, it triggers panic attacks. I think the biggest fear I'll have is feeling the pain, and completely freaking out if I feel out of control. Not to mention having DH's family completely question why I would want to go natural when I can get an epidural, and thinking it's odd I'm seeing a midwife rather than an OB. While I'm sure about my choices, all the questions do begin to weigh on me and make me think, am I really crazy for doing this?!









However, I love the perspective many of you have given me. This is just one day, and my body was made to do this. I have been very set from the beginning that I want to do this as naturally as possible. I think Hypnobirthing sounds interesting, and I will definitely pick up some of the books you all mentioned!

Thank you again for all the encouragement! It definitely makes me feel more confident that I can do this.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamabearsoblessed* 
I've had 3 pitocin induced but pain med free births. Long and intense, yes. Undoable, no.

OW. THREE? I did it once, and the thought of doing it again with pitocin makes me want to curl up and cry, haha.


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## MaryMarg (Feb 17, 2010)

Kesi--In case it helps any, I DID scream out for pain medications in my planned, hospital-based, natural birth!!! My husband and I had practiced the Bradley Method and used it effectively, but I did, as the baby was crowning, yell out "I need pain medications!" one time. My husband, who had practiced and practiced with me, looked at me calmly and said "no you don't." I thought the nurses were going to kill him!! He was right! The pain was manageable and left as quickly as it came and then pushing felt great, not painful. Everyone's experience is different, but, despite at one point thinking I needed the pain medication, I relied on my Bradley Method training, my husband, and faith in my own ability to do it and had my DS naturally in a hospital setting! There is much power in your own belief, so believe, prepare and know you CAN DO IT! Best Wishes!


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryMarg* 
as the baby was crowning, yell out "I need pain medications!" one time. My husband, who had practiced and practiced with me, looked at me calmly and said "no you don't." I thought the nurses were going to kill him!! He was right!

ROTFL, yeah, I don't think anything would be quick enough if the baby was crowning.

Our rule was, only give me the pain meds if I ask BETWEEN contractions. Not during.


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## MegBoz (Jul 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kesi* 
While I'm sure about my choices, all the questions do begin to weigh on me and make me think, am I really crazy for doing this?!









My MIL had been saying things to me like, "Well, you just wait till you feel those ctrx."








"And what about those afterpains! they hurt! You going to take anything for those?"

DH was instructed to keep her away from me at the end.







At least she meant well.

Now, having BTDT, I honestly think it's odd that healthy women go to OBs instead of MWs, and odd to decide you want an epidural even before you've ever felt one ctrx. I KNOW I'm not the strange one for seeing MWs & aiming for natural births. (Note the use of the word "aim" since there are no guarantees.)

Surrounding yourself with supportive people is helpful, as is either avoiding people who who say stuff like my MIL or asking them to NOT SAY IT! PSHT! I mean, it's not like you're unaware of the fact that birth can be painful, right? It's not as though they're warning you of some totally unknown danger that might sideline you!
(conversely, I feel compelled to warn every PG woman of the "unknown dangers" of non-evidence-based medical mis-management they are likely to encounter in American hospitals! But that's another topic.)

For some IRL support, you could try LLL or search for groups on Yahoo groups or Meet up centered around AP (attachment parenting) Natural-approach to parenting, Nine-in-Nine Out, or babywearing. Most of those groups will have predominantly natural birthers so you'll be the norm, not the exception.







which is great & encouraging.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

I haven't read through all the replies.

I'm a HUGE baby too. I can't hardly handle taking a sliver out still and I'm a grown woman! I had moments of doubt with natural birth but on the whole for some reason I felt pretty zen about it. I got myself into the thought process that any pain I feel is a pain I'm MEANT to feel to help get the baby out BETTER which makes it a pain unlike warning pains you'd find in broken bones. Those are to alert that something is wrong... labor pain is to alert you that a baby is coming and to help find the best positions etc to complete the journey safely and effectively.

During labor, my only true moment of weakness was during what must have been transition. I honestly don't remember being in the transition I've heard described and it was never said to me that I was... but I DO distinctly remember thinking that this is REALLY hard and I can understand using pain meds... but as soon as the phrase 'I want them' started to cross my mind, I interrupted myself with the thought that A) I'd have to transfer to the hospital so I'd still have at least 20 minutes of this to go anyway and B) it doesn't fall in line with my beliefs and I've already been laboring for hours and I'm clearly getting close to done. I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud to anyone because as hard as it was briefly... admitting I might not be able to do it was harder. Luckily that passed quickly and pushing time started very soon after.

The hardest parts of the ENTIRE experience were first, not knowing what to expect because I'd never been pregnant before much less given birth so I had no clue what it could feel like even though I've had many descriptions and read and watched many MANY birth stories. The next thing was that I got a charlie horse during pushing. This is where my big baby pain issues comes in. I was SO distracted because of that damned charlie horse and I just couldn't extend my foot to help it go away. I'm never able to do that and this one chose to come play while my baby was a few pushes away from birth. On one hand, my body was able to take over pushing without me noticing so it helped THAT.. but on the other.. it was a charlie horse! haha... yeah.. I prefered the baby coming out over the charlie horse. The WORST thing though was the numbing shots for the couple of stitches I needed. Next time? I'm just skipping the shots if I need stitches at all. Those are AWFUL and the worst thing out of EVERYTHING from conception to today with baby. Yeah... I'm a big pain baby and those things BURN... and its just not the kind of burn I got when I had the burning 'ring of fire' deal.

I think the best thing you can do is read as many natural birth stories as you can and watch as many videos as you can. Take the time to really educate yourself on natural birth methods for managing pain as well as really educating yourself on the unnatural interventions. Just knowing what those could do to you could be enough to make you try just one more contraction or one more push... and that might be all you need to get over that hard spot and come to the other side where the baby will be joining you. The more you know and the more you can think about at the hardest spots, I think the more likely you'll be that you succeed.

For me, it wasn't an option not to. I had committed and I'm hard headed. I don't want people to know I can't do something I've said I want to and intend to do. That was enough to keep my mouth shut and keep going unless something seemed to be a true issue. If that hadn't worked, knowing the riskes certainly would have helped. After that, I also had the support system of intelligent trusting midwives and my birth partner (my mom as my husband was deployed) who could have easily helped talk me through it between contractions...

and that is the most important thing. Contractions have breaks in between. If one is especially hard, take the time between to gather yourself and focus on what else you could try to get through another. They come and they go and the baby will HAVE to come out eventually. As you work through it between contractions, you might find your level of ability gets up as you realize you already did all the others and now have new ideas to get through more.


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## treeoflife3 (Nov 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RedOakMomma* 
I also liked "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way"...their explanations of what was happening, and what the sensations were, was EXTREMELY calming to me during labor. As long as I could visualize what was happening during contractions, I felt on top of the pain. I knew what it was doing, and since my muscles were working so hard it made sense that the pressure/sensations would be extreme.

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth was also very helpful...and mamas, help me out, what is that quote that's so amazing?

...Something like *"The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you."* That thought was always (is always) so comforting.

That is a really beautiful quote!


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## CI Mama (Apr 8, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana* 
It isn't possible to predict what your experience will be, and I think it helps to go into the birth with your eyes open, knowing there is a tremendous range of possible experiences before you. Do what you can to prepare (classes, reading, educating yourself, choosing a NCB-supportive HCP, choosing birth location carefully, taking good care of yourself during pregnancy by eating appropriately and exercising regularly, hiring a doula, looking into things like waterbirth, etc.), and then allow the birth to be whatever it will be, knowing that you've done all you can to maximize your chances of a natural and peaceful birth.

I hope it goes beautifully for you. If it doesn't - it isn't your fault, nor should you feel any sense of failure. Birth is not a competition and all of our bodies and babies are different. Birth can't be summed up easily or described the same for everyone, nor does everyone feel the same way about similar experiences. Birth is like a quilt. We can all contribute our individual squares to the quilt and you can get an idea of what things might be like for you based on looking at all the squares, but none of them will be the same as yours. Yours will still be unique to you and your baby. Remember that all of your preparation is to put you in the best possible position to have the kind of birth you desire. None of it is a reflection of how good you are, or whether your body works correctly, or how strong you are.









Beautifully said!!!


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## mamabearsoblessed (Jan 8, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1101* 
OW. THREE? I did it once, and the thought of doing it again with pitocin makes me want to curl up and cry, haha.

yes. I'm hoping and praying for a spontaneous and quick birth this time around. Praying and praying and praying....









To the op~ a thought on the doubters and 'know-it-alls' getting into your head and your birth plans~ something I've learned over the years of being a mother (who isn't mainstream or traditional in many senses of those around me), I've found that over time the less information I offer the better. Sometimes people (friends, family) are supportive and truly respect your desires , plans and actions and then others think they could do a better job, know the 'best' way to do something, and generally don't realize they are not well-meaning but the exact opposite. It's a delicate balance sometimes at first, especially as you find your new normalcy in a new life as parent. When doubtful of myself, and the "am I crazy?' moments I remind myself that I am following my gut and my heart, it is what feels right. Instinct is our greatest strength, and to listen and respect it answers my 'am I crazy?' feelings.








Sorry~ I think I'm babbling









Also~ a true birth partner is worth thier weight in gold. DH is my rock and as hard as I know it is for him to see me labor through such pain, I also see in his eyes that I really can do it and he truly believes I can. Whether it is your dp, doula, family member or friend, someone who has immeasurable faith in you and respects your desire is irreplacable. Even if a time comes in a birth where a laboring mom needs pain-relief, a solid birth partner will see the strength it took all along, no matter what.


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## Kelly1101 (Oct 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MegBoz* 
Now, having BTDT, I honestly think it's odd that healthy women go to OBs instead of MWs, and odd to decide you want an epidural even before you've ever felt one ctrx.

I understand going to an OB (since I do, after all), but yeah, when talking to first-time pregnant chicks I know who ask me about childbirth, I never would say "just get the epidural" even if they aren't looking for a "natural experience." I always say "wait and see." I knew going into it that I would prefer to do it without meds. I allowed myself the freedom to change my mind without shame. All said and done I'm glad I went without meds and want to do it again this time. But every labor and every woman are so vastly different. I think that some women and some labors really DO need meds (heard many stories of long, drawn-out labors, exhausted women, who get an epidural and a few hours rest, and then are able to have a good vaginal birth). And I think that sometimes even if you're scared of being in pain, you could be one of those lucky women who just have a fast easy labor.

I did always hate the "SURE you're not having an epidural, just wait until you feel those contractions!" comments. Um, yeah, thanks, I WILL wait for that before making up my mind. *grumble* I did kind of get a smug little satsifaction talking to those people afterwards, although that may make me a bad person.


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## Hannah32 (Dec 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryMarg* 
My husband and I had practiced the Bradley Method and used it effectively, but I did, as the baby was crowning, yell out "I need pain medications!" one time. My husband, who had practiced and practiced with me, looked at me calmly and said "no you don't."

See, that's why Bradley wouldn't have worked for me. If my hubby had said that, even if we agreed on it, I would probably have punched him.

But then again, I took the epi and don't regret it. I had the pitocin and an induction. I was going to try it without the epi, but I made my decision as soon as I knew I was going to be induced.

For the op, if you don't want to be hooked up to tons of machines, be unable to eat or move, then try stick to your original plan! I had the medicated experience and it was ok, but it definitely had its downsides. Weigh what's really important to you.

Just a random note, I didn't find pushing on my back all that hard at all. What I found hard was pushing on a completely empty stomach.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

I second the rec of Hypnobabies. It really helped me focus and be centered and just retreat to labor-land.

Birthing from Within might also be good for you, because it helps you process your thoughts and fears and find your strenght, and has techniques for dealing with the "pain" (which is so different than being hurt/screaming on TV pain







as everyone has said).


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## nsmomtobe (Aug 22, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kesi* 
So my question is, were any of you (or are you) just as scared or nervous about the pain? What were some ways you naturally alleviated the pain you felt during childbirth? Did you meditate, use a labor tub? Any encouraging words are appreciated!

I don't consider myself to have a high pain threshold or anything and I was worried, but in the end it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. It certainly wasn't as painful as I expected. It was definitely uncomfortable and exhausting. I did a lot of reading ahead of time (The Bradley Method and Ina May) so I felt like I knew what to expect and I felt empowered.

I used deep breathing to get me through the contractions. I just breathed in deeply and relaxed, while my husband (and sometimes the doula) rubbed my back. I was worried that they would get worse, to the point that I couldn't handle them, but they never did. The worst part of my labour was that I felt like I had to go to the bathroom (#2) the whole time and I was afraid that if I relaxed too much it would come out, so that made me unnecessarily tense, and I kept running to the bathroom, but couldn't get anything out. I even asked my doula about an enema because I thought it might make me more comfortable. Then I immediately ran into the bathroom and started pushing--the pushing came like waves over my body and I realized I wasn't the one controlling it. The #2 feeling was actually the baby trying to get out. So I went back to be examined again and I was taken to the delivery room.

The pushing phase really did suck for me, but I blame that on the nurse who "coached" me through it and refused to call my doctor. It was over within 2 hours, and I never once thought about drugs. I did think it was too late at that point and besides, I was too busy pushing.

ETA: you know, I do think that during the pushing stage, I asked if anything could be done to help me, and I was told, "No, you are the only one who can do this part." In retrospect, I am glad about this because what I was asking for (without even thinking it through) was intervention. I was just exhausted and not thinking about what I was asking. If they had offered a c-section, forceps, or vacuum, I don't think I would have agreed, but at the time, I thought, "There must be something you can do to make this easier." But I was told I needed to do it myself, so I did, just to get it over with so I could go to sleep.


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

I haven't read the rest of the replies, but I want to reassure you that:

A) I was _petrified_ of NCB and....

B) I was surprised by how painful it was...and wasn't. It was pain, all right. But wasn't not like the pain of a broken arm, when you're in agony and feel like there's nothing to look forward to. Instead, it was a pain in anticipation of something so exciting that I pretty much didn't care about the pain! I even relished in the knowledge that it was bringing my baby closer to me.


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## kltroy (Sep 30, 2006)

I just wanted to add something important:
birth often doesn't go exactly as we'd planned. This is not to say that it doesn't often end up being perfect, but our bodies and our babies sometimes take some unexpected turns. You may have your heart set on a medication/intervention free birth, and for any variety of reasons may decide during the birth that you want various interventions. This is OK. This is nobody's birth but YOURS. If you do get into it and decide that hey, this sucks, and you want that epidural? Or to have them break your water? Or that the situation warrants placing an internal monitor on your baby? Or any of the other things that could happen... this is ok and you can still have an amazing, perfect, empowering birth.

For example, I had planned my own intervention-free hospital VBAC just over 2 years ago. As it happened, I went 9 days past my EDD, had low fluids, and got sent straight from my NST over to labor and delivery. I did not get to labor at home like I'd planned. I didn't even get to eat lunch that day! But it all still ended up being absolutely perfect and I have great memories of my daughter's birth.

I guess what I'm saying is that I know of many women who especially get very fixated on doing everything naturally. And then for whatever good reason at the time, they opt for some intervention, and then afterwards they feel like a "failure" because they didn't have the exact birth they'd planned. I think this is really unfortunate, because they're judging themselves unfairly.

Ok best of luck!


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## accountclosed3 (Jun 13, 2006)

i had an orgasmic/ecstatic (painless) birth, and i get nervous thinking about birthing again too.

i think part of it is just the unknown. i don't know what the next birth will be (should i choose to have one). I know i 'can' do it, i don't know how it will go, though. you never can know.

so, part of it is just striving to make peace with the fact that you aren't in control of it. you can do a lot of things to prepare yourself (so many great ones mentioned), but at the end, you just have to accept that it will be what it will be.

and when you get to that point, i think it becomes less scary overall. i mean, i has to accept that although i was planning and preparing for a UC, a c-section might be in order--you never know. i didn't want that, of course, but i did have preparations for all kinds of transfer needs, and that included if i felt i needed to go and get some pain management and related help.

so, honestly, it just comes to accepting that it will be what it will be, and that whatever that is, you can handle it.


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## rparker (Jul 15, 2008)

I haven't read most of the replies.

I wasn't afraid of unmedicated birth while pregnant with my first. I'd read a lot of positive birth stories and decided that birth might or might not be painful but that if my birth ended up being in the 90% or so of physiologically normal births it was probably an experience I could handle. And if it wasn't, well I was giving birth in a hospital so other options were there.

I really, really hate pain. I scream and cry and swear when I stub my toe. I threw up and almost passed out when I got my nipples pierced and self medicated afterwards to deal with the pain. My daughter's birth wasn't painful. I told my husband that I thought I might want medication at one point because I wanted labor to be _over_, the contractions at this point weren't painful per se but they were psychologically overwhelming... he called a nurse to do a cervical check and it turned out that it was time to push. Once I started pushing everything felt right again and I didn't want the meds.

I don't doubt at all that some births are painful for some women, but it's not a given that it will be for any individual. I'm not a masochist. If my birth had been painful I would have gotten over my fear of spinal anesthesia and taken that route.


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## MonP'titBoudain (Nov 22, 2005)

OK, you've gotten lot's of great replies. I just wanted to add this thought: check out Birthing From Within by Pam England. The first time around I did Bradley, read Ina May, The Birth Partner, etc. I ended up with Staidol and had a panicky, out-of-control feeling birth (still w/o pain meds, but it was hard to stay "in" the labor and birth). I came across Birthing From Within when pregnant with my second and found it to be the most helpful resource in confronting my fears. Knowledge is great and very important, but dealing with the emotions of labor and birth ended up helping me more than any other single thing.

Second, hire a doula. I know this as been said repeatedly already, but I feel like it's that important that it should be said again! Best of luck mama!


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## msmiranda (Apr 22, 2009)

Haven't read all the other responses yet, but just wanted to say that I consider myself a wimp about pain ... but I've had two unmedicated births about which I can honestly say that the pain was not severe enough to make me wish I had access to medication until transition -- and by that point I was too close to done for it to be either practically feasible or worth the risks. Granted, I likely drew a good hand in terms of luck: my first baby was anterior, and though my second was posterior until at least some point during labor, I didn't have the "back labor" that I hear is so challenging. I know myself -- had I needed medication I would have asked for it and found a way to get it. Given the horror stories that abound, I was pleasantly surprised to find that labor just wasn't that bad. Pushing, I won't lie, hurt like a mug. But it was over pretty quickly.


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## nadoja (Jul 23, 2010)

Read! Read! READ everything and anything on the stages of labor! The more you know about what is going on, the less anxiety you will have. By reading and talking to people about their experiences in natural childbirth you will learn that yes, there is pain involved, but no, it is not the end of the world. Having an understanding of why it is occurring can change your attitude from fear towards it. I am expecting kiddo #1 in August. From reading and talking to people, I understand that this is a process that my body can do. With the right support people involved with the birth, you will do great.

At the same time, remember to be flexible... what is planned, may not happen. So what if you choose to utilize pain medications? You did not fail at anything. You just chose a different route for your birth.

Start with this wonderful article:
http://mothering.com/pregnancy-birth/pain-labor


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## shells_n_cheese (Jun 8, 2009)

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am going to be completely and utterly honest. I had a c-section with #1, so I really didn't experience labor much, but with #2 I had a homebirth. The birth was extremely painful, and I wanted an epidural, and the only thing keeping me from going to the hospital for one was the FEAR of getting in the car and dealing with the contractions the whole way. But... I did do it. I went unmedicated. But... I didn't think it was a big deal.

Next birth will be at the hospital, and if I want an epidural, I am getting one and will do so without a flinch.

Look, if you do end up having an unmedicated birth, that's wonderful. But, if you get an epidural, it's still wonderful -- it's the birth of your child. Don't let anyone ever make you feel guilty for getting an epidural, or even just thinking about geting one. It's NONE of their business.

I am not trying to scare you or dissuade you, just being 100% totally honest with you. I wish more would have been frank with me when I was planning my first unmed birth.


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## Pippi L. (Jan 25, 2008)

Wow -- these are all such great responses! I'll add my anecdotal evidence for what it's worth. Labor for me wasn't so much painful but HARD WORK! I mentioned something along those lines to my husband's grandmother and she said, in a very kindly way, "Well, it's called labor for a reason!" And she's right. It was the hardest physical work I've done in my life. It wasn't pleasant, especially the pushing, but painful isn't how I would describe it.

But that's me. And different women have different experiences. Chances are you will be just fine having a natural childbirth if you are allowed to move around and you have sympathetic support people. And if something happens and you do choose meds then you're not a failure. We all have different needs and experiences in labor.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Are you taking childbirth classes? Something like BirthWorks or Birthing From Within could really help deal with those feelings.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

I know this sounds crazy, but one of the things that helped me deal with the fear of childbirth was knowing that I had pain relief options. I know a lot of women who say that being in a hospital is harder because you are tempted to get an epidural. For me it was the opposite. I knew I could ask for an epi at any point and I felt good about that. It helped ease my anxiety. I could relax and deal with contractions without feeling like I was suffering.


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## isign (Jan 17, 2008)

I've had 2 hospital births, and while both started the same, the ended up entirely different. My water broke spontaneously, #1 a leak, #2 a pop and gush. I waited several hours both times but neither time did contractions start, so I ended up on pit. With #1, I labored all day, going to the bathroom when needed, but required to be monitored. My nurse was super supportive. I started with Nubian and it made me loopy and completly out of it. I think the pain was worse with it, and I begged for an epi. I wish I knew how close I was to pushing. 30 min after epi, I pushed 3 times, and DS arrived earth side. #2, I was not allowed out of bed, labored all night, stressed as could be. I had 2 failed epis and very much had a yelling, screaming birth. I lost control, I didn't have the support I needed to do what I needed to do. DH was just as tired and worn out as I was by the end.

My advice - get a doula. No matter how amazing your partner is, he will get tired just as you will. Make sure your support team knows your wishes.

If you decide on an epi, there is no shame in it. Only you know what your body needs.


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