# Stillbirth



## Dreamountaindweller (Oct 3, 2015)

Hello all,
I am new to this forum and happy to have found it. I have been looking for a way to share my story with mothers who can relate, and to hear others as well.
In late January of this year, I lost a baby at 41.5 wks pregnant. The pregnancy had seemed to go well until then. One day, I suddenly realized there was no fetal movement. After my midwives exam we went to the hospital. When it was confirmed I chose to be induced and they allowed me to labor at home. The labor was 14 hours (and excrutiating, probably due to the shock and grief of it all). The baby had no obvious abnormalities and we have no idea what happened. It still, 5 months later, seems so strange, so impossible. 
I am still definintely grieving deeply- and yet I feel progress happening slowly as well. I have known many women who have lost babies at different stages of pregnancies, but I have never heard of anything like this before.
My partner and I are waiting to get some genetic testing to see if we can find any answers, and also to see if future pregnancy is advisable. I very much want another baby- I never stopped wanting one- but I am a little afraid. We are also interested in adoption and have looked into it, but in my state it is politically complicated and expensive. Plus, I want a baby- no doubt.
I would love to hear anyones story who has been through this. I would also like to hear from anyone who has conceived after a stillbirth, whether it was successful or not. The thought of another loss seems unbearable. 
Thanks for having this forum and I look forward to connecting.
Best
Drea


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## Nazsmum (Aug 5, 2006)

:Hug So sorry for your loss. I hope that you can find healing.


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## japonica (May 26, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Drea. We lost our daughter, unexplained full term stillbirth, over 12 years ago. We didn't think anything like this would ever happen to us either...I mean, who thinks they'll be in the 1%. We had a low risk, "normal" pregnancy. It was just one of those things. 

We went on to have two living children. Those pregnancies were mentally and emotionally exhausting. We became high risk (for other reasons than the stillbirth), so we had the benefit of a lot of monitoring, but still, it was always in the back of my mind that just because I could make it to the end, it wouldn't mean that I was taking home a baby. 

Five months on, it's still so raw for you and all I can say is to be kind to yourself. Keep surrounding yourself with as much love and support as you can. There is no "right" way to grieve the loss of your child, no timeline, no magic moment when you'll wake up and be "over it." I think people who have never experienced the loss of a child can't understand how hard this road is to walk unless they've been on it themselves. When we first lost our daughter, I wondered how anyone survived this. But here we are, 12+ years on, and we've learned how to navigate this path, bittersweet as it can be for us.

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide for your future. :Hug


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## Dreamountaindweller (Oct 3, 2015)

Thanks so much for your reply and sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to live through this- its not something I would wish on anyone. I am very happy you were able to have two successful pregnancies though. 
I think its good that I haven to wait for the testing before trying to get pregnant again. I can already see how time is putting some breathing room between me and this sad event. I think it will be easier to go into another pregnancy with more space. Fortunately I have two active boys to keep me busy in the meantime!

Incidentally, the magazine MamaLode just published an essay I wrote about the birth and learning to live with it. I thought you might be interested- or others who have experienced this. Especially at the beginning I really wanted to find any resources from others on the topic. Anyway, this is the link to the essay:http://mamalode.com/story/detail/i-held-a-wild-animal-in-my-womb.

Feel free to share it with anyone you know of who might benefit from it.

Thanks again, and be well!


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## lmbarrera (May 11, 2011)

I'm so very sorry for your loss!
I didn't have a stillborn, but my daughter passed away in the hours after being born and they found the reason to be (besides the obvious placental abruption) that my placenta had so many issues with it... it just wasn't very healthy it seems.
After much thought, we decided not to let fear decide for us as to whether we would have more children, and I went on to have a healthy baby boy with no placenta issues this time, and by vbac as the icing on the cake! 
It is possible, and I do know a couple other women who have had healthy babies after their stillbirth experiences as well. 
Take care


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