# Four year old biting little bro and denying it



## mamabeth (Jul 7, 2003)

Okay, it sounds like a headline from "The Onion" but I'm not sure what to do. We have heard ds (17 mos) scream and then dd (4 yo) either won't say anything or says "I didn't bite him!" and we find very obvious bite marks on his back. One time she insisted that a pretend monster bit him.

I try to never leave them alone playing together, but it happens when I'm out of the room for five seconds or in the bathroom, KWIM? I know there will be sibling fighting, but the denial is just weird to me.

I had a talk with her this afternoon after the latest incident where I said that someone bit J on the back, and it hurt him and he cried, and that I don't like any of my kids to be hurt. not sure what else to do...


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

She knows that she's not supposed to bite, right? And the denial confuses you? It's EXACTLY what I would expect from a child this age. She understands that you'll be upset if she bites him, so if she bites him and denies it, then she'll get to vent her anger and you won't be upset. Perfect preschooler logic.

Honestly, I'd just bring her to the bathroom with me. When you find bite marks, I would look her directly in the eye and say "when you bite J it hurts him. It is not OK to bite." When my dd bit, we woudl simply remove her to her room, wordlessly (even at a young 2, she knew the 'rules') and tell her that she was free to come down when she felt better.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

I wouldn't bother asking either, and we've had this exact same situation!


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Two thoughts:

- Does she have the opportunity to talk honestly about her feelings toward her brother? She may need a safe outlet for these feelings -- a way to talk about or express some things that she is worried about, or feels are too ugly/shameful to share.

- Does she have sensory issues? Does she need something safe to bite? Does she need more deep sensory experiences throughout the day?


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