# No one understands.



## hankiesmama (Jan 20, 2005)

We're having a funeral for my baby on Monday July 18th. My boy was only 12 weeks along or so but he was very human to me.
He was born with fingers and toes, a human face, arms and legs and even a little tiny penis.
I get a shocked reaction for planning a funeral for such a small baby.
but what the he&& was I supposed to do with his remains? Give him to the hospital to cut apart and throw his remains in the incinerator?
Bury him in a cardboard box in the backyard? (some of my animals have recieved better burials!)

I just don't understand why most people think that just because he was tiny doesn't mean that he wasn't human!!

I'm so upset about it. I'm reluctant to even tell some of my family about the little informal funeral.


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## rosemorningstar (Dec 20, 2004)

Hi Hankiesmomma!

I think we had both posted at the Jan. due dates club. I was due Jan. 2. I lost my baby suddenly on Wed at 15 wks. I have asked to have something from the pathology lab to have a ceremony. I don't know if this will happen b/c it is a hospital after all. This was my first m/c and I bled alot and am quite pale. I had to have a d&c while i was awake since the knock-out drugs would interfere with my nursing almost one yr old dd. This is a sad time and the ceremony will help bring healing for all of us.

Peace to you and your family and please know there is someone else going through this, too. You are not alone. I am going to call and bug pathology this aft. and try to bring our baby home to be buried with love.

I am so sorry for your loss,

Lisa


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## homebirthx2 (Jan 3, 2004)

Hey-
I do understand your situation and how you feel. I lost two and that was hard on me. Some people think that if it isn't beyond a certain stage than it wasn't a baby after all. Garbage! You need to do what you feel is necessary to feel closure and know that you did the right thing to help lay your little guy to rest. If that is a wonderful all out funeral for him then do it. If it helps give your little guy a real name to put on the stone, he was real and he was yours. This is for your baby, you, your hubby, and the rest of the immediate family. Listen to your heart on this decision. I wish you all the best at the funeral and best for your little guy too.
Here are some







s for you.
Here are some







to give to your little guy (to help him celebrate going to his resting place).


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

I am so sorry that your family is not giving you the support you need







Your baby was a real person, and you need to honor this loss in the way you feel most comfortable.


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## nydiagonz (Jun 29, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. We also decided to have a burial for our son who was born at 24 weeks. It was the best thing that we could have done! It definitely provided a sense of closure for my husband and I. It also served for a time for our families to say hello and goodbye since very few were there to see him alive. We did not have a whole memorial or anything, just a simple grave-side burial. I felt sooo much better afterwards, really. I also knitted him a little gown, booties and blanket which he was burried in. They were so tiny! I was really afraid that they wouldn't fit him since I did not have his body to measure. They ended up fitting absolutely perfectly (my mom took a picture for me because I didn't want to see him after being dead for so long).

My mom works with a psychologist who told her that this was the BEST thing that we could have done and that SO many people don't do what they really want to because of what other people think. YOU are the ones who made this precious baby and loved it, so do whatever you want to honor your son. He also said that many people are so blind-sided by the grief that they don't think to do anything like this and end up regretting that so much later. I wanted to knit him that outfit so that I could give him something (since I could not give him enough life







). I stayed up all night and knitted all day like a crazy person (and I really don't knit that well). Anyways, all of this really helped me so I wish you the best of luck and many, many hugs.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)




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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

i am so deeply sorry







.

warmly~

lisa


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## Maggi315 (Aug 31, 2003)

Please, please do what you want. There is no right or wrong way to handle these things, people just really don't understand. Unfortunately, I have had to help several mothers plan funerals or services, each one is so unique. I totally agree with you though about having a funeral, just because he is a little guy doesn't mean he doesn't deserve it. Or that you don't deserve it. You both do and it is a healing experience. \

I have told moms many times to ignore those around you and do what is in your heart, you will never regret doing it, but you may regret not doing it. It is a shame, because you are in grieving right now, hard to make decisions and people are giving you a hard time.

God bless, keep us updated, take care of yourself and your family!


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## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)

I am sorry for your loss. I'm experiencing similar issues. I recently m/c at 8w/4d and plan to have a memorial for our baby. Listen to your heart and may you and your family find peace and closure.

Janetann


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