# Do you let your dc throw toys?



## ChasingPeace (Oct 19, 2003)

Just wondering. My ds is 27 months old and enjoys throwing his toys (blocks, magnets, legos). If he throws them at people or at the TV, I've been redirecting him by telling him "we don't throw toys at people, but you can throw your blocks at the door (or some other acceptable target)." I thought this was an effective and respectful way to deal with ds' toy throwing. But last week, we toured a Montessorri preschool, and a teacher was telling us that one of the things they emphasize is respect for the materials the children use, and this has me second-guessing my approach. Any thoughts?


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## Proud Wife And Mom (May 3, 2006)

You should try teaching your ds if he throws his toys they might break and if that doesn't work start taking them away from him when he throws them...it won't be long before he learns he can't throw things...Michelle


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## mz_libbie22 (Nov 8, 2004)

Throwing toys is a big no-no here. I've never allowed it.


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## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

No -- throwing anything indoors is against our family rules. Which isn't to say DS (31 months old) never does it, of course, but he is always reminded that that is against our rules and prompted to pick up/clean up what he threw. My reason for not allowing throwing indoors is so no one gets hurt and nothing gets damaged. Some parents allow throwing of "soft" objects indoors but I feel like that too easily sets up a grey area. I like for the rules to be very clear and consistent.

I guess the only exception I can think of is if we are picking up we might "toss" clothes into a hamper or small toys into the toy basket--no more than a foot or two away. If DS seemed to really want to throw I might try to re-direct him that way. Up to now whenever he has thrown something and I have reminded him about our rule, if he seems to want to persist in throwing things I just distract him with some other activity. I have never made the throwing itself permissible under any circumstances.

Another thing to think about is that what may be okay with you in your own home may not be okay at other places your child may go (as you found with the preschool). Whenever my son's cousins come over I have to do a LOT of correcting them from doing things which frankly I think kids their age should already know. Like telling the 8-year-old NOT to JUMP up and down on my sofa, for example, only for him to tell me, "But my mom lets me at home." Of course there are different rules for different families but I do think there's sort of a bare minimum standard of appropriate behavior which children should be taught so they don't embarrass themselves and annoy other people.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

No, we do not *allow* DS to throw his toys. I say *allow* because sometimes he catches us off guard and will throw them anyway in a fit of anger (when he is mad at the toys for not doing what they are supposed to do).

And when he does, we gently remind him "DS, we do not throw toys" We want him to teach him that he has to learn to take care of his things and that there other ways to express his anger.

And that rule applies to other people's home as well. If he learns this at home he will apply this to other people's home as well.


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## ETW (Feb 18, 2005)

Yes DS can throw his toys as long as he's not hurting anyone or breaking anything. We play catch and basketball in the house with soft balls, we throw toys for the dog to fetch, and if DS wants to throw his toys around without hurting anyone that's fine with me. I guess I don't really see inanimate objects as being inherently worthy of respect. If they are someone's valued possesions then it's disrespectful to that person to damage them, if they are broken and need to be replaced then that's disrepectful of our family and the earth, if someone is in the line of fire then it's disrespectful to that person -- I would definitely redirect in those situations. But just throwing his toys around -- I don't have any problem with that.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

We use a lot of Montessori principles in our home, including respecting our "stuff" and using it for what it was intended. Also, we have a small house where one errant toy sets off a domino chain of falling objects. So, no throwing of toys here either. We redirected a lot (i.e. it looks like you want to throw - let's go throw a ball outside; we don't throw our dolls or legos, or they'll break/hurt someone/make stuff fall).

However, most kids will learn to differentiate between different rules in different places (although the "but, my MOM lets me" is an awesome all-time greatest hits excuse for the grade school set...) so if that's what you're concerned about, I wouldn't be so much.

I guess it's how much it bothers you?


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Nope, throwing toys is a no-no here too. Something will get broken, or the toy might accidentally hit someone.

Hotwheels hurt.

BUT, there is no reason you can't find a place to throw other stuff. Like if you have a lake nearby. You can gather rocks and throw the rocks in the water. (as long as it doesn't disturb others)

But, if you let this continue, one day, a block will go through a very expensive window.....or worse, he could throw it at a light, and the galss could fall on him.


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## ShadowMom (Jun 25, 2004)

I don't "let" DS throw toys, although he frequently does it in anger.

I explain to him that they might break, etc.

I have formed the opinion that while he is far too young to expect him to control his anger yet, it's a good precedent to set (this is just my opinion for my child) that acting out in anger is not healthy and practicing restraint is the goal.

I think I read some psychology study that said people who punch pillows and such when angry just get angrier, that's where I got my half cocked idea.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

We let ds throw soft toys. We have soft blocks that are great things for throwing. Oh, and balls. If he starts to throw something hard, we redirect him to something soft that is for throwing (if he's throwing because it seems fun. If he's throwing for some other reason, we figure out a way to redirect that respects that reason)
So far, its pretty rare that he tries to throw anything that isn't ok to be thrown.


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

no throwing toys. I said that twice today







. I dont allow it here, i think its destructive. They are allowed to toss things into the boxes they belong in though when we are cleaning. They are allowed to throw their pillows and blankies onto their bed, Ill even allow it for stuffed animals. But toys to me are generally hard and could break if thrown, nevermind hurt someone. We do, however, have a couple small balls in the house than can be thrown around to a degree.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Absolutly not. This is disrespectful on many levels. It is disrespectful of people...their father works hard to buy them things and to just casually throw & break things is unacceptable, also I am usually having to pick stuff up. I have a new babe & it's not my job to pick up the results of their hissy fits or destructiveness. It is also, for obvious reasons, disrespectful of property, both theirs and ours. Theirs in that they could break/damage their toys & ours in that a thrown toy could break something belonging to someone else. My thoughts anyhow.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deva33mommy*
We let ds throw soft toys. We have soft blocks that are great things for throwing. Oh, and balls. If he starts to throw something hard, we redirect him to something soft that is for throwing *(if he's throwing because it seems fun. If he's throwing for some other reason, we figure out a way to redirect that respects that reason)*So far, its pretty rare that he tries to throw anything that isn't ok to be thrown.

bolding emphasis mine....








: We have a set of soft sportsballs ("inside balls", as opposed to the matching regular "outside balls" we have, and he knows the difference), and he likes to throw washcloths for some weird reason. I draw the line at throwing hard things, or him throwing *anything* *AT* someone or at something (like the TV). We throw the balls into a bucket, onto the minitramp, across the room, we play 'catch' (and he's actually gettign pretty good for 2 yrs old) , and throw balls/cloths over the gate at the top of the steps to watch them bounce down....and I agree with Deva33mommy, it seems to satisfy his need to throw so he really rarely throws any non-approved items. Looks like we're the only two so far who do this, though.....must be that "honor the impulse" thing, huh Deva33mommy?
















_ETA: Oops, I didn't see before, but there are a couple other mamas on the thread who do the throwing thing too.....sorry!!_


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

Sure, we throw toys. It's a case-by-case basis if it's going to scratch the floor or be too loud or to heavy to throw at someone.

But, for me, they're TOYS--they're supposed to be for fun and learning--maybe he's figuring out how much farther the small stuffed animal goes than the big one, I dunno.... It is his stuff--we did give it to him.

I get where the respect for objects argument is coming from, but respect for stuff doesn't trump the respect I have for my kid to use his stuff the way he wants.

He's 4.5 and no broken windows or serious bodily harm to date.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *donosmommy04*
.and I agree with Deva33mommy, it seems to satisfy his need to throw so he really rarely throws any non-approved items. Looks like we're the only two so far who do this, though.....must be that "honor the impulse" thing, huh Deva33mommy?
















I would be totally lost without that phrase! hehehe. I'm not sure I'd be able to raise a kid without it!


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## Tuesday (Mar 3, 2003)

Our household rule is similar to that of Monkey's Mom and ETW. I also agree that toys are toys - meant to be played with and if he wants to throw them, smash them or take them apart, that's fine with me. DS (almost 3) is not allowed to pick up a hard object and whip it at a glass window, obviously. But, if he's on his own, throwing his soft toys around, that's his business as long as he, other people, the cat (!) and the house and property are not damaged. My husband was letting him toss a soft ball around inside but I knew that would end up in trouble - DS naturally started throwing the ball at his dad and DH didn't like the ball hitting his face. I try to keep balls outside so he plays with them outside only to avoid any grey issues. I didn't realize people had such varied rules on this point until I started taking my son to the library where there is a "Thomas the Train" track set-up. He'd take a train and drive it off the bridge and it would bang on the wooden track. I didn't even think of it as a "no-no" - to me, this was called playing. Then another little boy did the same thing and his mother scolded him and told him to be "gentle" with the train. Based on the look she gave me, I think the mom of the other boy viewed me as "not doing anything" to guide my son but from my point of view, I didn't see the point as the toy, to me, was built to be played with. Obviously, it's a personal thing and there is no absolute right or wrong.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

No I don't (allow throwing) we have soft balls bean bag toss games balloons that sure are "throwable and if she needs an outlit thats what we use along with outside time but no I don't allow throwing of stuff that could be destroyed or accidently hurt someone or something else.

Deanna


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

I also agree that toys are toys - meant to be played with and if he wants to throw them, smash them or take them apart, that's fine with me.
I'm confused Soo it wouldn't bother you if toys were damanges or destroyed?? Playing with toys even in spirited boy style and being rough and smashing them are totally diffrent? Maybe its because moneys soo tight and new toys are rare and few that I'm confused on this type of thinking.

Deanna


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom*
Sure, we throw toys. It's a case-by-case basis if it's going to scratch the floor or be too loud or to heavy to throw at someone.

But, for me, they're TOYS--they're supposed to be for fun and learning--maybe he's figuring out how much farther the small stuffed animal goes than the big one, I dunno.... It is his stuff--we did give it to him.

I get where the respect for objects argument is coming from, but respect for stuff doesn't trump the respect I have for my kid to use his stuff the way he wants.

He's 4.5 and no broken windows or serious bodily harm to date.

















:







(Oh, except he's 5.5.)


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## eco_mama (Feb 10, 2006)

my dd never tries to throw toys. but i wouldn't let her if she did. if she was throwing them in a negative way.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom*
I'm confused Soo it wouldn't bother you if toys were damanges or destroyed?? Playing with toys even in spirited boy style and being rough and smashing them are totally diffrent? Maybe its because moneys soo tight and new toys are rare and few that I'm confused on this type of thinking.

Deanna

I think it's the spirit in which the play is happening, personally. If it's exploring something and taking it apart, I'll let DS know several times we might not be able to get it back together...and there have been a couple of his toys he dismantled that we weren't able to, and he had to accept that. But BOY did he have fun taking them apart, exploring them, and learning about how they were put together and what the different parts were...I was right by him when he was doing this, for safety's sake. Other things, we've been able to put back together, so no real harm done.

Also, with the pp's example, if a train gets enthusiastically pushed and happens to crash off a table, that's also OK with me - I'll say something like, "wow, that went really far, I'm glad it didn't break" or something along those lines, to keep it kind of low key, but not completely discourage him. On the other hand, if he seemed to be purposely shoving the train as hard as he could to see if he could smash it and break it, and getting really wound up about it, I'd probably step in.

So, I guess I personally see a difference between enthusiasm and deliberately destructive behavior - I don't like deliberately destructive behavior, and I redirect that...but to me destructive-type play usually has to do with frustration and anger likely _unrelated_ to whatever toy they have at that time (as opposed to curiosity and enthusiasm directed at the toy), so instead of just forbidding 'rough' play (for lack of a better word), I'd look to the motivation behind it, and if it was out of anger, I'd redirect the anger into a more healthy outlet than destroying things.

To me, our toys are not things I'm going to keep around forever, so I have no reason to need to particularly revere them, especially if they're his....so if they get some dents or scratches, or are missing some parts, it's not really a big deal to me. They're going to be donated once the kids outgrow them anyway, and I know that there are children out there that would love to have even "well loved" toys. Now, if they are OTHER PEOPLE'S things, or special things to DS, we will protect those. But as I've already seen my DS is savvy enough to distinguish inside balls from outside balls, and "no throws" from "OK throws", I have no doubt we'll be able to draw the line on keeping the things that really do mean a lot to him, or someone else, in better shape and respecting other people's things. But I agree that "things" don't necessarily all have the same inherent value.

JMHO


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## ETW (Feb 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *octobermom*
I'm confused Soo it wouldn't bother you if toys were damanges or destroyed??

DS's toys are all pretty tough -- I'm really having a hard time imagining any of them being destroyed by being thrown. His favorite toys are Legos, wooden trains and track, matchbox cars, and Little People. The Legos, Little People, and cars seem virtually indestructable. Some of the wooden trains have some chips out of them but nothing that makes them unusable or takes away from his enjoyment of them. I don't think I would buy something for DS at this age if I was going to get stressed out about keeping it nice.


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

I don't think it's really fair to put one's financial stresses onto a toddler's head. If a toy breaking is going to cause you massive anxiety because you can't afford a replacement, that's your issue, not your child's, IMHO. Sure, learning the value of things is important, but I think it's completely unrealistic to try to teach that to a toddler or even a preschooler. Not to mention, I think dumping issues like "we can't afford to replace them" on a kid just points out that they are lacking somehow compared to other kids and gives them worries they shouldn't have.

Some toys are expensive, some are junk. As with anything else in our house, if it is that valuable, it's put away. If a toy breaks from misuse, it breaks and the child learns what happens when they are rough. AFAIC, if I'm not okay with the toy being manhandled, I've got no excuses if I make it available to a young child and they break it. Anyways, as above posters have said they are just toys. Toys break, it's no big deal. They are not heirlooms. And frankly, my kids have found more interest in cheap readily-available things than any expensive toy they've ever had, so it's not like they could ever conceivably be "without toys".

We address the issue of throwing in terms of safety, period. We don't throw things that can hurt people. We don't throw things high up in the air. But that applies to anything and all our behaviour. So we've been known to kick a soccer ball around, or play catch with a soft nerf-type ball. When it's throwing for fun, there's always something else fun to do and I find just redirecting and reminding to be careful is enough. Some toys are okay to throw, some toys are not. We've never had to resort to punishment, removing of toys, lectures about money, etc.

If toy throwing is done from an anger or other issue, that issue is dealt with, the toy throwing becomes unimportant.

FWIW, throwing of objects has rarely been an issue 'round here.

[basically I agree with everything donosmommy said, lol]


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

It completely depends on the toy and where it's thrown! For instance, we have lots of soft indoor balls and hoops for the children to toss the balls into. It's fun and fantastic for eye-hand coordination.

We also allow tossing soft toys (playing catch) and we encourage any kind of creative games/make-believe that involves tossing soft toys. We allow throwing toys outside -- balls, hoops, etc.

The only thing we don't allow is activity which might hurt a person or damage our home. Otherwise, to us, it's all in fun and exploration.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:

I think it's the spirit in which the play is happening, personally. If it's exploring something and taking it apart, I'll let DS know several times we might not be able to get it back together...
Thanks for explaining and that make more sense don't fully agree (for my family) but do see your point better.

Quote:

Also, with the pp's example, if a train gets enthusiastically pushed and happens to crash off a table, that's also OK with me -
Same here spirted play is well spirted play what we don't allow is total and deleberate "slamming or crashing done in hopes of damaging them. Its very rare for this to happen anyways but if it does we do stop it. Toys get scratched litle teeth marks happen and bumps occur thats I think just the life of toys I don't though allow rough play that will result in the toy being immdiently destroyed.

Quote:

I don't think it's really fair to put one's financial stresses onto a toddler's head. If a toy breaking is going to cause you massive anxiety because you can't afford a replacement, that's your issue, not your child's,
I disagree it might not be fair but reality is we CAN NOT afford to replace broken toys we rely on christmas gifts from family for the toys she has and we save up to get one or two things from us for say Christmas and one for her birthday. Soo it might be MY issue that we can't afford to replace it but when your three year old has no toys for 4-6 months it is her issue as well. Now that doesn't mean I'm going oh no honey at every turn toys are toys and what toys she has are durable and made for "proper" toddler play. If something did break well then its broke I don't like go OMG look what you did how could you. We just explain it broke sorry and reflecct her feelings about it. People are more important than things here but it doesn't mean things are free to be abused.

Deanna


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## l_olive (Jan 18, 2005)

I dunno if it's true or not, but I was once told by a child development professional that the overhand throwing motion was one of the best ways to begin to strengthen the muscles that will be later used for writing skills.

So, instead of forbidding throwing, we made a separate stash of throwing toys and fun places to throw them. We'd use a laundry basket or make paper targets on the floor. Sometimes we used nerf balls and sometimes bean bags.

We also tied balloons from strings on the ceiling and let him bat at them with a paddle (a paper plate glued to a craft stick).

Since he had lots of throwing in his regular activities, he never seemed to have the urge to throw things that I wouldn't have liked for him to throw -- oh, except sand, of course. We still have an issue with that one!

--Olive


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## julesmom (Apr 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peacelovingmama*
The only thing we don't allow is activity which might hurt a person or damage our home. Otherwise, to us, it's all in fun and exploration.









:

We are "toy throwers" here. Ds (2.5) seems to know the line as far as not throwing at people and not throwing toys/things just to break them, so it hasn't been too much of an issue.

I did get a little uneasy at times with the force he used with the Thomas trains. Then I watched some episodes (he usually only watches TV with Grandma), and I realized that he is just reenacting crash/accident scenes in the show.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

There are some toys that can be thrown others that cannot. We have had throwing spaces.

So it isn't a NO or a YES.


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## Dechen (Apr 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
I don't think it's really fair to put one's financial stresses onto a toddler's head. If a toy breaking is going to cause you massive anxiety because you can't afford a replacement, that's your issue, not your child's, IMHO. Sure, learning the value of things is important, but I think it's completely unrealistic to try to teach that to a toddler or even a preschooler. Not to mention, I think dumping issues like "we can't afford to replace them" on a kid just points out that they are lacking somehow compared to other kids and gives them worries they shouldn't have.

Some toys are expensive, some are junk. As with anything else in our house, if it is that valuable, it's put away. If a toy breaks from misuse, it breaks and the child learns what happens when they are rough. AFAIC, if I'm not okay with the toy being manhandled, I've got no excuses if I make it available to a young child and they break it. Anyways, as above posters have said they are just toys. Toys break, it's no big deal. They are not heirlooms. And frankly, my kids have found more interest in cheap readily-available things than any expensive toy they've ever had, so it's not like they could ever conceivably be "without toys".

We address the issue of throwing in terms of safety, period. We don't throw things that can hurt people. We don't throw things high up in the air. But that applies to anything and all our behaviour. So we've been known to kick a soccer ball around, or play catch with a soft nerf-type ball. When it's throwing for fun, there's always something else fun to do and I find just redirecting and reminding to be careful is enough. Some toys are okay to throw, some toys are not. We've never had to resort to punishment, removing of toys, lectures about money, etc.

If toy throwing is done from an anger or other issue, that issue is dealt with, the toy throwing becomes unimportant.

FWIW, throwing of objects has rarely been an issue 'round here.

[basically I agree with everything donosmommy said, lol]









(and to several other posters who have expressed similar opinions).

Dd's toys are HER toys. I explain that being rough with some of the more delicate ones might cause them to break, but I don't see the big deal in her experiencing that for herself.

Usually, when dd throws toys it is because she is angry or frustrated, and we work with the feeling rather than the behavior. If she feels like throwing for the joy of throwing, I suggest we find soft balls or other good throwing materials. If she still wants to throw her delicate stuff, she can. (She doesn't, btw. Its more fun to play throw with mama and a soft ball than to throw things by herself).


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
Some toys are expensive, some are junk. As with anything else in our house, if it is that valuable, it's put away. If a toy breaks from misuse, it breaks and the child learns what happens when they are rough.

There's a lot of value in learning at a young age what the consequences of your actions are.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
my kids have found more interest in cheap readily-available things than any expensive toy they've ever had, so it's not like they could ever conceivably be "without toys".

Mine too. My son's favorite toys last summer were a squeege for washing windows and a spray bottle.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
We address the issue of throwing in terms of safety, period. We don't throw things that can hurt people. We don't throw things high up in the air. But that applies to anything and all our behaviour. ....If toy throwing is done from an anger or other issue, that issue is dealt with, the toy throwing becomes unimportant.

That's how we dealt with it too. Our son spent an entire year where the first thing he did in the morning was get up, take out all the puzzle pieces from the puzzle and throw them across the floor. Apparently, he loved the sound. They were wood, he was throwing them low. Was it worth it to stop him? No.

We enforce safety. We set up baskets for throwing into if the urge is great and we need to contain it. But to forbid it altogether just isn't important to me.

FWIW, ds is 5 and hasn't thrown a thing in years (except for balls/balloons, which are OK if they're soft). Dd is 2 and hasn't had that urge as much.


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

Kidlets don't always have the greatest aim, and I don't want to be hit or have something broken by a stray toy, so I ask that all throwing be done in their bedrooms. But other than that, it's their toy; what's it to me if they throw it?


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## Proud Wife And Mom (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brigianna*
Kidlets don't always have the greatest aim, and I don't want to be hit or have something broken by a stray toy, so I ask that all throwing be done in their bedrooms. But other than that, it's their toy; what's it to me if they throw it?

Don't you want them to learn to respect things? What if they hurt someone by throwing a toy, or break a window. Broken glass can cut someone very badly! Don't you want them to respect their toys and the people who worked hard to make the money that bought them?

My kids throw balls outside, unless it is a nerf ball, and then they can paly in their bedrooms with it. They are not supposed to be throwing any other toys, thats not to say they get caught doing it sometimes though







:


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## monkey's mom (Jul 25, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
Don't you want them to learn to respect things?

Why wouldn't they know how to respect things? We don't have rules against throwing stuff, but at an early age my kid pretty much knew what would break and what wouldn't. He doesn't want his stuff to break, so he's careful and respectful. Just like you and me, I would imagine.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
What if they hurt someone by throwing a toy, or break a window. Broken glass can cut someone very badly!

We've all gotten carried away playing and hurt someone--whether it's playfully throwing stuffed animals at each other and someone got hit by a plastic eye, or wrestling too hard on the bed--we apologize and stop or tone it down, or put the hard toy out of the game.

We have never had a situation where a window broke or even came close to breaking.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
Don't you want them to respect their toys and the people who worked hard to make the money that bought them?

Sure. And I think mine does-to the extent that a 4 yr. old can. He's bought quite a few of them with his own money, so I think he gets how that all works. I think once they're better able to understand that concept, the thrill of hucking Legos around the room will likely have worn off.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
My kids throw balls outside, unless it is a nerf ball, and then they can paly in their bedrooms with it. They are not supposed to be throwing any other toys, thats not to say they get caught doing it sometimes though







:

I would worry that doing it in a manner where they're trying to avoid being caught, could result in more danger--throwing faster or harder b/c mom is coming. I don't know....

Not to be snarky at all, but do you think your kids respect their stuff and the people who bought it when you're catching them throwing it around on the sly?


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peacelovingmama*
It completely depends on the toy and where it's thrown! For instance, we have lots of soft indoor balls and hoops for the children to toss the balls into. It's fun and fantastic for eye-hand coordination.

We also allow tossing soft toys (playing catch) and we encourage any kind of creative games/make-believe that involves tossing soft toys. We allow throwing toys outside -- balls, hoops, etc.

The only thing we don't allow is activity which might hurt a person or damage our home. Otherwise, to us, it's all in fun and exploration.









:

Blocks not so much. Stuffed animals? Sure! Throwing toys in and of itself is harmless. What they need is the ability to look at the situation and figure out if a given toy is safe to throw.

I toss things across the kitchen to my dh. Not a glass bowl, but a box of crackers.

I toss things down the stairs. A pair of dirty pants, not a laptop.

I toss things across the bedroom. A pillow, not a cup of water.

My dd is already able to decide on her own which things are good and safe to throw and which aren't.

-Angela


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## Dechen (Apr 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
Don't you want them to respect their toys and the people who worked hard to make the money that bought them?

I would like dd to appreciate her toys because they bring her pleasure, not because someone worked hard or spent a lot of money on them. I think that is too much of a burden to put on a child. How dd treats her toys is not about me, or dh, or whomever provided the toys.

I have a physical and rambunctious toddler. She moves through life joyfully and roughly. I make a point not to purchase extremely delicate toys, because they don't suit her. For her, respecting her toys is related to how she can use them, and she is naturally a whirlwind. She doesn't value precious things that easily break, because they don't suit her at this time in life.

It is MY job as a parent to respect who she is, and choose toys that work for us.

I'm not ok with toys being thrown at people, or at windows, but that is an issue of safety and not respect.


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Proud Wife And Mom*
What if they hurt someone by throwing a toy, or break a window. Broken glass can cut someone very badly!

That's why I ask that they go into their rooms by themselves to throw things, so there's no danger of anyone getting hit or anything getting broken. We've never had a window-breaking problem--it would take a lot to break our windows. I probably woudn't use a fragile window in a kid's room anyway, even if they were taught not to throw (as you observed, they still occasionally do it anyway, so even having them in there would be a serious safety risk).

Quote:

_Don't you want them to learn to respect things? [...]Don't you want them to respect their toys and the people who worked hard to make the money that bought them?_
Well, honestly, no, not particurally. Their stuff is their stuff to do with as they please. If a toy is designed for a child in the discovering-the-laws-of-physics stage, it should be built to withstand abuse. If a toddler breaks a toddler toy, I think that's the toy manufacturers' fault. If a toddler breaks a toy designed for older children, that's my fault for giving him an age-inappropriate toy. If it's an older child just throwing for the fun of it, then he's old enough to understand that the natural consequence of throwing a toy to the point of breaking it is having a broken toy.

Quote:

_My kids throw balls outside, unless it is a nerf ball, and then they can paly in their bedrooms with it. They are not supposed to be throwing any other toys, thats not to say they get caught doing it sometimes though







:_
I mean this respectfully, but what is the difference between throwing a nerf ball and throwing a stuffed animal or other soft toy? Also, isn't window-breaking a risk from outside too?


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

OK, I'm totally being a devil's advocate here, but hasn't anyone known Those Kids who routinely break all their toys, throw them, lose them, jump on them, break them; and really just don't care or take pleasure in it? Sort of like Lil' Jimmy's Toy Torture & Graveyard O' Fun? Surrounded by a million broken toys and eagerly awaiting Christmas/Birthdays/Grandma's visit, so they can stage a My Little Pony vs New Toy Deathmatch?

Isn't there a kid like that in Toy Story? I have known a few myself, as did my husband while growing up. I guess that's what I was trying to head off with restricting toy throwing to outside, with balls. We have not had any problems (yet - I always put a YET in my sentences about childhood behavior, as who knows what tomorrow may bring...







).


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## Proud Wife And Mom (May 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brigianna*
That's why I ask that they go into their rooms by themselves to throw things, so there's no danger of anyone getting hit or anything getting broken. We've never had a window-breaking problem--it would take a lot to break our windows. I probably woudn't use a fragile window in a kid's room anyway, even if they were taught not to throw (as you observed, they still occasionally do it anyway, so even having them in there would be a serious safety risk).

Well, honestly, no, not particurally. Their stuff is their stuff to do with as they please. If a toy is designed for a child in the discovering-the-laws-of-physics stage, it should be built to withstand abuse. If a toddler breaks a toddler toy, I think that's the toy manufacturers' fault. If a toddler breaks a toy designed for older children, that's my fault for giving him an age-inappropriate toy. If it's an older child just throwing for the fun of it, then he's old enough to understand that the natural consequence of throwing a toy to the point of breaking it is having a broken toy.

I mean this respectfully, but what is the difference between throwing a nerf ball and throwing a stuffed animal or other soft toy? Also, isn't window-breaking a risk from outside too?

Balls are made to be thrown ,stuffed animals and other soft toys are not. Stuffed animals get holes riped in them, their stuffing comes out and they need to be thrown away


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
OK, I'm totally being a devil's advocate here, but hasn't anyone known Those Kids who routinely break all their toys, throw them, lose them, jump on them, break them; and really just don't care or take pleasure in it? Sort of like Lil' Jimmy's Toy Torture & Graveyard O' Fun? Surrounded by a million broken toys and eagerly awaiting Christmas/Birthdays/Grandma's visit, so they can stage a My Little Pony vs New Toy Deathmatch?

I've only personally known one kid like that and he had zillions and zillions of toys and an endless supply waiting in the wings. He had no concept of the value of anything because there was just so much at his disposal.

I tend to think that kids will appreciate the value of things if they experience losing them (because they broke them) moreso than if they're constantly told that they can't play a certain way with toys and never actually have the experience.


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dragonfly*
I've only personally known one kid like that and he had zillions and zillions of toys and an endless supply waiting in the wings. He had no concept of the value of anything because there was just so much at his disposal.

Yes, perhaps that is the difference. The endless supply!

This is something I read by Arun Gandhi when I was about 18, and has always stayed with me; and influenced the way I think about a lot of our "things" and how I want to teach my daughter about her toys, furniture, and other items that we might purchase. We don't buy a lot that is expendable or easily replaceable for this reason. Even our IKEA stuff we keep for faaaaar too long.

"It happened when I was about 13 years old and we were visiting India, and I had the opportunity to live with Grandfather [Mahatma Gandhi]. You know, a 13 year-old, not very responsible, careless and all that, and I was coming back home one evening from my lessons, and I had a notebook and a pencil in my hand. And absent mindedly walking home, I looked at that little pencil, it was about three inches long, and I just thought to myself I deserve a better pencil. This is too small for me to use. And so I just threw it away on the way home.

That evening when I saw Grandfather, I asked him for a new pencil. Instead of giving me one he subjected me to a lot of questions. He wanted to know how the pencil became small, and where did I throw it away and all that. Finally, he made me go out and look for it. I must have spent about two or three hours searching for it. When I found it and brought it to him he said, "Now I want you to sit here and learn two very important lessons." The first lesson, he said, is that in even in the making of a simple thing like a pencil, we use a lot of the world's natural resources, and when we throw them away we are throwing away the world's natural resources. And that is violence against nature. The second lesson is that because in an affluent society we can afford to buy all these things in bulk, we over consume the resources of the world. And because we over consume them, we are depriving people elsewhere of these resources and they have to live in poverty. That is violence against humanity."


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
OK, I'm totally being a devil's advocate here, but hasn't anyone known Those Kids who routinely break all their toys, throw them, lose them, jump on them, break them; and really just don't care or take pleasure in it?

Umm sadly yes my SIL's kids but they break all the molds







:

Deanna


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## Brigianna (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
OK, I'm totally being a devil's advocate here, but hasn't anyone known Those Kids who routinely break all their toys, throw them, lose them, jump on them, break them; and really just don't care or take pleasure in it? Sort of like Lil' Jimmy's Toy Torture & Graveyard O' Fun? Surrounded by a million broken toys and eagerly awaiting Christmas/Birthdays/Grandma's visit, so they can stage a My Little Pony vs New Toy Deathmatch?

Isn't there a kid like that in Toy Story? I have known a few myself, as did my husband while growing up. I guess that's what I was trying to head off with restricting toy throwing to outside, with balls. We have not had any problems (yet - I always put a YET in my sentences about childhood behavior, as who knows what tomorrow may bring...







).

I've never met one, but I don't dispute that they're out there. But I don't think that's something parents need to interfere in. The natural consequence of breaking a toy is not having that toy anymore. And if they choose to do it anyway, who cares? I could smash all my dishes if I wanted to, but the natural consequence would be having to eat off the floor or spend money on new dishes, so I don't do it. Now if the parents enable the little agent of mass destruction by buying him new toys to replace the ones he broke, that's another matter.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

For the most part, I do let my kid throw toys and destroy them if she wants. Every once is awhile we'll get a doll or play food that comes with some kind of cardboard food item and that doesn't last a week. She likes the tear the cardboard up and eventually we throw it out. She wrote all over some little notebook covers we bought recently and then proceeded to rip them off. I'm especially OK with her ripping her notebooks, not mine. In time, I'm sure she'll learn that mommy likes to keep her covers on her notebooks and I prefer to write in the pages rather than on the cover. But again - it's her notebook. She can do what she wants with it.

The Waldorf philosophy isn't the end all be all to me. (Go read the criticisms in the schooling forum). I don't think all "tools" need to be used properly. I think it's OK to be creative and misuse tools. In fact, it's something I'm working on myself - the idea of using a thing for something it wasn't MEANT to be used for. It's a mold I feel I need to break out of, so seeing all the creative powers of my DD is fascinating. Some card board packaging became a sled for the doll with a TV built into it. And it's treasured and went to school with her in her purple plastic purse.

We try to limit the throwing to things that won't hurt and we direct throwing away from people. I don't like the sound of things banging around so I stop her for the reason that I don't like the sound - not because it's an inherently bad thing to do or for some idea that the thing will be hurt. In that, I feel she is respecting me, rather than the thing itself. If she's throwing something I don't want her to, I redirect her to something that's "better" to throw or for a "better" use of the toy. Like we find something to scoop with the shovel or start throwing something softer.


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## lara1828 (Aug 11, 2005)

We pretty much take the same approach as Piglet68. If it's not a safety issue or breaking a window issue, I don't try to stop the throwing. It's much easier to redirect (throw it in the box!) than to stop entirely. Plus, I think a blanket no-throwing rule is not even a real (or realistic) expectation. Some toys are meant to be thrown.

I have some friends who have a blanket no-throwing toys rule. This meant that the MOM had to take a time-out when the 3-year old caught her tossing tub toys back into the tub. This was just so wrong to me on several levels. (of course they have right to set their own rules and consequences, but it wouldn't feel like good parenting to me).

My two year old has a pretty good arm and I can't think of a single toy he's broken by throwing, so I don't understand why this is such a concern to some.

Lara


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my philosophy has been explained here quite well so i am not going to add any more there. i am all for throwing toys. there are just two things i wanna add here.

i guess i was the bad mommy when my dd started throwing toys as an infant i joined her







i turned it into a science experiment and we would watch together what would happen. the balls would get a lot of claps as they went far so when seh had a choice to throw next time she chose balls.

the other thing is - and it is mho - that kids dont need to be taught many things including respect. i think how we are how we treat our things sets it up for them. we dont have to teach them. they learn from being around us. so i really rarely teach my dd. i find i havent had to. i have never taken a toy away or told her it would break. the only guidance is be careful dont hurt people or pets. she herself has known automatically which ones to throw and which ones not to. i mean she has thrown a wooden block and cringed at teh noise. she did it a few times and then stopped. she has been drinking out of fragile glasses (she is fascinated with different kinds of wine glasses) and glass tablewear since she was a year old and the only dishes and glasses that have been broken in teh house are by me.

also i find children just realize things thru just growing up becoming more mature. so i dont make a big issue out of anything or even discipline her. things like sharing. i take into consideraton that i dont really need to be that hard on her because one day she will get it. and i find i see no difference in her behav than a friend of hers who has been actively 'taught' everything.

*shrug* i know this is not for all but so far this is what works for my dd and me.


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## art yuen (Jun 28, 2005)

agree with monkey mom and do the same here w 3.5 yr. interesting twist ds puts on the 'intended rules': says he WANTS to break his toys! he WANTS to hurt people (and property)!. our unilateral rule making backfires! turns out that throwing and breaking are experiments for small scientists...not that i like or just allow breakage, damage or injury, -- we jointly adjust the object and environment to fit the purpose as needed (and things do get broken!). takes more time, but we feel it respects his own unique learning process and is 'working with' vs 'doing to'.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkey's mom*
Sure, we throw toys. It's a case-by-case basis if it's going to scratch the floor or be too loud or to heavy to throw at someone.

But, for me, they're TOYS--they're supposed to be for fun and learning--maybe he's figuring out how much farther the small stuffed animal goes than the big one, I dunno.... It is his stuff--we did give it to him.

I get where the respect for objects argument is coming from, but respect for stuff doesn't trump the respect I have for my kid to use his stuff the way he wants.

He's 4.5 and no broken windows or serious bodily harm to date.


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## MamaRabbit (May 26, 2005)

No throwing. We live in a 650sq.ft. apartment. DD has really bad aim. Last week, a bad throw (even though we've told her not to) almost took out the glasses on the counter.

Rolling yes. Throwing no. Throwing is for outside only, and only things that should be thrown.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
hasn't anyone known Those Kids who routinely break all their toys, throw them, lose them, jump on them, break them; and really just don't care or take pleasure in it?

Yes, I have a Cousin-In-Law like this.







He was very destructive with all of the nice toys his mother worked very hard to provide him with. He had all of the latest up-to-date toys as soon as they became available on the market with STEEP prices only to destroy them 1-2 days later









He is still like this today at Age 25.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
Isn't there a kid like that in Toy Story? ).


Yes, there is. His name is Sid. After he got through with his toys, they looked very menacing and dangerous. One of the animals even commented "that ain't no happy child".


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## jenn5388 (Nov 6, 2005)

No toy throwing allowed around here. she gets a warning then the toy goes up if she continues.. she normally finds something else to do.

Being that she's 20 months old, she's normally chucking them at me. lol


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## craftymom (Jun 27, 2005)

The only thing we permit to be thrown inside is balloons (my guys are 6 and 3). We have had some VERY fun games throwing balloons. No matter how hard you try, they really don't go anywhere! Obviously, I don't mean water balloons









Outside, lots of things can be thrown! Balls, lawn darts, etc etc.

We don't thrown toys inside (even soft balls) because, as someone else mentioned, small kids get confused about what is soft or soft enough. When something gets thrown that shouldn't be, depending on the situation, I or dh either sits down with ds to figure out the problem (esp. true for frustration-related throwing). If a toy is thrown in anger or to be mean, the toy gets a break (aka a time-out) and ds gets a discussion. If a toy is thrown as an accident, it is either forgiven (things slip out of hands!) or they go outside (too much energy!). We don't want toys broken, dents in the walls, broken glass, hurt boys/friends and parents, or for them to go damage someone else's house!

We have strong feelings about teaching our kids to respect themselves, each other, their things, other peoples' things, and property. So many people today are so rude and have no respect for anyone other than themselves (and oftentimes not even themselves), we want our boys to be respectful. This is hard enough when so many of ds6's classmates/classmates' parents are very selfish. But that's another story!


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## craftymom (Jun 27, 2005)

OK, I'm posting again! And I don't mean to hijack this discussion.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ellien C*
I don't think all "tools" need to be used properly. I think it's OK to be creative and misuse tools. In fact, it's something I'm working on myself - the idea of using a thing for something it wasn't MEANT to be used for. It's a mold I feel I need to break out of, so seeing all the creative powers of my DD is fascinating. Some card board packaging became a sled for the doll with a TV built into it. And it's treasured and went to school with her in her purple plastic purse.

This is a great description of one of my toy philosophies and "rules" around the house. I may use it the next time a relative complains that there are toys everywhere







It seems that a lot of our friends and relatives have a "one toy at a time philosophy". Aside from the fact I don't see how in the world this practical, WHY??? I love that my boys make lego garages for their hot wheels and lego barns for their animals. That the stuffed animals play with the dinosaurs and the dinosaurs eat cars. That playmobil men fit in bruder trucks and have construction team meetings with lego men. Ds3 uses his toy tools to "fix" his trucks and tricycle. The family room carpet is a curb for trucks, under the couch a garage. The wood blocks can be anything at all. Scale does not seem to matter much to them, as X number of hot wheels fit on the bigger tow truck bed. I see this as all good. I see it as imagination. Everything gets picked up in the evening. Other than not making such a mess, what is so great about 1 at a time? Am I missing something? I hear about this all the time, only dh's aunt and uncle seem to think we're not nuts!!


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## Lillianna (Feb 14, 2006)

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## Lillianna (Feb 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flyingspaghettimama*
"Now I want you to sit here and learn two very important lessons." The first lesson, he said, is that in even in the making of a simple thing like a pencil, we use a lot of the world's natural resources, and when we throw them away we are throwing away the world's natural resources. And that is violence against nature. The second lesson is that because in an affluent society we can afford to buy all these things in bulk, we over consume the resources of the world. And because we over consume them, we are depriving people elsewhere of these resources and they have to live in poverty. That is violence against humanity."

This is wonderful information and so pertinent to the discussion. In the Montessori children's house, we actually give the child breakable materials so that the possibility of learning is present. If nothing ever breaks (plastic), children don't get any valuable information about how to carry items, how to balance their bodies and use their muscles and how to move slowly! In my opinion, it is never too early to introduce children to these concepts. At this stage of life, children are hungry for all kinds of exact knowledge about the world and how it works. It is neglectful not to provide children with real objects, and real opportunities to learn how to be respectful of ourselves, one another, and our environment.


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## mbravebird (May 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Piglet68*
We address the issue of throwing in terms of safety, period. We don't throw things that can hurt people. We don't throw things high up in the air. But that applies to anything and all our behaviour. So we've been known to kick a soccer ball around, or play catch with a soft nerf-type ball. When it's throwing for fun, there's always something else fun to do and I find just redirecting and reminding to be careful is enough. Some toys are okay to throw, some toys are not. We've never had to resort to punishment, removing of toys, lectures about money, etc.

If toy throwing is done from an anger or other issue, that issue is dealt with, the toy throwing becomes unimportant.

This is us too, and many people have expressed this view eloquently here.

I just want to add that kids really can understand subtleties in how the world works, such as the different ways throwing things affect people. And it is our job to teach them those subtleties -- it's actually more effective than teaching them a set of "rules". So, like others, we teach the principle of not hurting people and the principle of cause and effect, rather than enforcing rules. We approach each situation differently, according to how the "principles" impact the situation. What usually happens is that we redirect to throwing a softer toy, or deal with the emotion underlying the throwing if that needs attention.

It's good to read this discussion; it helps me feel more normal, as most of my friends have strict rules about not throwing or dumping toys.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

Nevermind







:

Deanna


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