# My sweet baby died yesterday



## treemom2

After almost 42 weeks I was so excited to finally feel the signals that my new baby was coming. At 3:30pm on Friday April 13th we called our midwife to let her know and she came right over. Naiya Mei was born at 8:47pm and was not breathing. The midwife gave her oxygen and soon she was breathing and was transported with my DH to the hospital. She breathed on her own the whole way there. Once there though things took a turn for the worst. Her breathing stopped and she became very sick. She was diagnosed with severe merconium aspiration syndrome, persistent pulmonary hypertension of a newborn, and we were told to be prepared for severe brain and muscle damage. Two hours after the birth I was allowed to follow my DH and baby to the hospital and be with them. She became stable and DH and I were sent home to rest. The next day we returned to the hospital. She died at 5:33pm on April 14th in my arms after her little heart gave out and she was only getting about 30% oxygen in her body. I honestly don't know what I am going to do now! I don't know how to handle this. Please help me--I'm having horrible panic attacks, I'm so tired but can't sleep, I'm lost. . .


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## MsElle07

Mama, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.


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## oldermamato5

I am so very sorry mama.


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## Justmee

So sorry for your loss


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## Quirky

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish there were something I or anyone could do to take this pain away from you for a while so you could rest. My heart is breaking for your loss.








for your sweet baby Naiya and



































for you and your family.


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## Jenns_3_babies

I saw this under new posts

omg, I feel like crying myself







: . I am so very, very sorry. I can't imagine.... I was in your DDC and please, you can talk anytime you need us here at MDC






























can you call a dr and tell them what happened (or have DH do so) so they can prescribe you something to rest for awhile, or for the panic attacks?


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## aydensmama

I am so sorry mama. You and your family are in our thoughts here!


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## USAmma

My heart goes out to you!


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## CarolynnMarilynn

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your baby. How truly horrible for you and your family. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you.


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## starlightsound

Please know you are not alone. We just lost our son on the 10th, five days after a normal labor and delivery. My heart goes out to you. Talk to your doc or midwife about a scrip to help you sleep... my DH has been having small panic attacks; they've given him an anti-depressant to help him cope and it seems to be helping. Take care of yourself; do you have family around or friends to help you through this?

Hugs across the distance...


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## rosie29

beautiful baby Naiya Mei









I'm very sorry.


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## CaraNicole

i am so sorry







: ...this is so unfair! i found a link to grief sites for parents who have lost children...i hope it helps you and dh...









http://www.healingheart.net/grief1.htm


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## joesmom

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine...








to your whole family, & yours as well, starlightsound...


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## ASusan

Barbara,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please talk with your dr about getting some help for your sleep so you can take better care of yourself and your family.


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## MamaSong

Oh Mama, hugs and love to you. I am so sorry. Did you keep your placenta? If so, I would highly suggest drying and encapsulating it (have someone do it for you - ask your MW) to help with the hormones/depression. I can't imagine what you are going through, but please know I am sending energy of peace and healing your way.


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## cherrymary

Oh, sweetheart. I am so sorry... we are all here to listen whenever you need it. Sending you great big hugs and blessings.


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## ~Megan~

Oh, mama. I am so sorry.


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## Ruthla

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## runes

i am so very sorry for your loss.








Naiya Mei


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## Breathless Wonder

I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## kamilla626

I'm so sorry. I hope you find the help and support you need to cope with this. I can't imagine what you're going through.


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## Demeter9

I wish I knew how to help you get through this. I am so sorry, and I hope that you and your family find the strength and peace you need to be okay.


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## Emma's_Mommy

im sooo extremly sorry for your loss


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## ewins24

: Oh, Mama I'm so very sorry. I couldn't read this and not post. I don't have any advice but wanted to offer you hugs and prayers for you and your family.


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## Phoenix_Rising

i don't really have advice other than speak to a practitioner about your panic attacks. my wife has been seeing an acupuncturist for her panic attacks, maybe you could try that? i can't imagine the pain you must be going through.


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## jorismom

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself and I agree, it might be a good idea to ask your Dr. for something to help you through this.


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## Snork

I am so incredibly sorry. I will keep you and your precious family in my prayers. Words simply cannot express my sorrow for you all.


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## rach03

I'm so very sorry for you loss.

You are in my thoughts.


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## STBSM

Im so very sorry for your loss!


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## Canadianmommax3

i am so sorry


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## Patti Ann

Naiya Mei









I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family.

Patti


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## BookGoddess

I am very sorry for your loss:




































You're in my thoughts.


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## rainbowmoon

no words, just many


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## waylonsmama

So sorry mama.







to you and your family.


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## Funny Face

My heart aches for you and I have no words that would ever be enough to express how sorry I am for your loss.

You will be in my thought and my prayers.


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## Mama2Bug

I'm so sorry.


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## mama2mygirl

I am so sorry.


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## bobica




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## talk de jour




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## sebarnes

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## vermonttaylors

:








I am so sorry for your loss.


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## mommaduck

I'm so sorry, hon.


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## pianojazzgirl

I am so so sorry for your loss.


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## 2mama

I can't even imagaine the amount of pain your in







and







: for you and your angel


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## columbusmomma

I am so sorry mama. Many thoughts and prayers to all of you.

Naiya Mei:


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## ollineeba

I am so so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're experiencing now. I will keep your whole family in my thoughts


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## CherryBomb

I'm so sorry.


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## aisraeltax

i am so sorry for your loss.









you and your family will be in our thoughts.

rach


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## Ben's Mommy

I am so sorry mama. I'd definately try and see a doc about the panic attacks and the lack of sleep. There is no right way to handle this kind of loss. It's raw, it's hard, but somehow you find yourself managing, day by day. My son's final diganosis was also Persistant Pulimonary Hypertension. (However not from merconium aspiration.) If there is anything I can do, or you just need to talk, please feel free to pm me.
















Naiya Mei


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## pjlioness




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## mirlee

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter.


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## fallriverfox

I'm so sorry


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## User101

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.


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## Lucky Charm

*a


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## CityChic




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## Maela

I am so sorry.


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## gretasmommy

Sending you strength, hoping for peace for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself - the process of healing takes a lifetime, and progress is often too slow. But there are many mamas here to help you along the way.


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## wildmonkeys

I am so sorry. I hope you have lots of people helping you and taking care of everything you need.


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## SugarGlider

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## liseux

I am so sorry to hear about your precious Naiya Mei. I have been thinking about you all day.

You will eventually sleep, this just happened and it may be the hardest thing you will ever go through. The pain can seem unbearable, it will be hard. There really are no words, I've also lost a baby due to delivery complications and I don't even know what to say to a fellow mother. Grief is very hard work, it can help to look at grief websites and get books on grief to know that you are normal. You will never forget your daughter.
I wish you as much peace as possible as you face this hard journey.


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## HoosierDiaperinMama

I am so sorry, mama.














s I am very glad for you that you got to hold little Naiya Mei and spend some time with her. What a sweet, sweet spirit she must have been to have had you for a mama.







Gentle, loving hugs and prayers coming your way.


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## mooliette

I'm so very sorry for you loss.


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## hanno

It was an honour to be part of you and your sweet daughter's DDC. You are in my family's thoughts.


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## luceegoose

s many







s i am so sorry


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## ledzepplon

Naiya

I'm so sorry, mama. I can't imagine your pain.


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## BugMacGee

I'm so terribly sorry. I wish you support and healing.


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## Jasmyn's Mum

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.


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## Alohamelly

I'm so very sorry.


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## TigerTail

I'm so sorry.


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## NamastePlatypus

I am bawling as I read this. There is no greater pain. PLEASE don't turn away from help and loved ones and it is okay to scream and be mad and cry, you are mourning, just don't block out those who love you and are well meaning. My heart and thoughts and prayers go out to you.


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## Uma'sMom

our hearts go to you and your family... hug your kids, hug your husband and let yourself be hugged... you have the love and understanding of all this community and beyond. All our prayers....


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## Len

Naiya Mei

Barbara, I'm sorry you are going through this. Please allow yourself the time to grieve, the time to be angry and sad. Request and accept help from your family and friends. It may seem right now that life shouldn't go on, but you will find little by little that you will be able to go through this.

I also lost my son after the lack of oxygen during birth caused severe brain damage. He was also born on a Friday the 13th.








:


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## AntoninBeGonin

Barbara, I'm so sorry. I can feel the pain in your words and I wish I could be there to give you a huge hug. Rest in peace, dear Naiya Mei.









~Nay


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## 13Sandals

:

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.


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## Marcimama

My prayers are with you!


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## tresleo

Oh, mama. I am so very, very sorry. I will be thinking of you and your little one.


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## LavenderMae

I'm so sorry for your loss.
















Peace sweet Naiya Mei.


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## Fairy4tmama

I am so VERY SORRY for the loss of your daughter. You and your family are in my thoughts!


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## neetling

I am so very sorry for your loss


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## jkg

i'm so very sorry.


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## Debstmomy

I am so so SO VERY SORRY!!! Losing a baby is one of the worse tragedys ever. I hope you are surrounded by loving support during this time.


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## cupofjojo

I have no words! Just prayers for you. My heart aches for you.








:


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## becoming

Oh no! I am so, so sorry.


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## bullfrog

I am so sorry for your terrible loss. So so sorry.


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## athansor

I am so sorry for your loss







Naiya Mei


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## finn'smama

Oh mama...I am so very sorry for your loss.








Anika


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## bec

I have no words, but couldn't not reply. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Blu Razzberri

My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time.


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## nextcommercial

I am so sorry! This feels so wrong and unfair! My heart goes out to you.


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## feminist~mama

I'm so sorry! You'll be in my thoughts...


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## koofie

Please ask your doctor or midwife for help








:


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## LilMomma83

I am so sorry,







I don't even know what to say other than we think and pray for you and your family.


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## ladybug13

(((Barbara)))

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My DD also died due to meconium aspiration/asphyxia (5 years ago). There are no words that even come close to putting a dent in the comfort level, so I am just going to let you know that I am here for you if you need to talk. Wishing you peace and gentle days as you walk this path.....


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## rmzbm

I'm so very sorry...


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## GouGou

I am so deeply sorry for you loss, Mama. Though I don't know you, I will think of you and pray for you.

How blessed we are with the children that we have, the ones that wake us up in the middle of the night because they want a glass of water. They exhaust us and challenge us, but they are the true source of meaning in our lives. Never again will I take any of it for granted.

There is no loss more profound than the loss of one's angel child.


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## merpk

So, so sorry to hear of your loss ...










Sending you and your whole family light and strength ...


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## katytheprincess2

Lost for words to say but wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.







Naiya Mei


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## LionTigerBear

Oh I am so sorry.







Words cannot express . . .









My wish for you is comfort and love.


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## midstreammama

I'm so sorry mama! Please ask for help.


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## mrsalf97

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## strmis

i am so so sorry for your loss. my prayers go out to you and your family and your sweet sweet baby.


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## dimibella

I am so sorry, you and your family will be in my prayers.


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## haleyelianasmom

So sorry for your loss, mama


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## maciascl

I am very sorry for your loss. You & your family will be in my thoughts


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## Yoshua

Saw this on new posts.... I am sorry for your loss........ You can't believe how inadequate that statement sounds on this side.... I hurt for you and your family and I hope your support is there for you....


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## junamoss

Barbara and family
so sorry for your loss. You are in my heart


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## mommystinch

I am so, so sorry for your loss


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## joeysmom1729

I'm so truly sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.


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## knowerofnada

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are exepriencing. I am terribly sorry for your loss.


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## kerilynn

I couldn't read without replying

Sending positive thoughts to you and your family


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## MommytoTwo

I am so sorry.... my heart goes out to you and your family...


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## MonTana Mama

Also from your DDC. I am so so so sorry! OH NO!!! Are you far from your family also? I know your husband is teaching English there. Have you made some Japanese friends? I am SO sorry! We also taught in Japan. Please share with us to help heal. Have you told the ladies in our DDC? I am so sad.


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## daniedb

I'm so very sorry for your loss.


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## willow659

I am so sorry. I hope you can talk to your dr or midwife about something for your panic attacks.


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## miguelsmom

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## CorbinsMama

Oh my God, I am so sorry. You were in my DDC.

I am so so sorry. I can't believe this happened to you. I am so sorry.


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## hannybanany

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## Cardinal

I am so sorry mama!


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## Shirelle

I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss


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## mamaley

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts--I'm so sorry this happened.


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## seattlenatural

I am so sorry.


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## Saramomofmany

Oh Mama, My thoughts and prayers are with you during this extremely difficult time. Blessings to you and your family. Sara


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## treemom2

Thank you so much for all your kind words! Although I tend to cry everytime I read your responses, they also seem to bring me some peace. I am blessed to have found MDC. In answer to many of your questions, yes my family is overseas and we do not have any other family over here. We do have some amazing Japanese friends though who have really been there for us. They even arranged Naiya's cremation for us. One of my friends even helped my DH and I get Naiya dressed, brought a basket for us to place her in for the cremation, bought flowers to place around her in the basket (very therapeutic to place each bud around her), and gave us some toys for her as well. She also explained (somewhat, she doesn't speak much English and we don't speak Japanese







) Japanese customs of how to make a "shrine" for Naiya at home. These things have all brought a kind of peace to our home. I will admit that it is still very surreal to me, often I ask myself if I really was pregnant and if I really did just give birth, hold my babe while she died, and go through the cremation. I'm not sure if it is a defense mechanism for my mind to do this, but I think it is good that I have her ashes, picture, and a lot of flowers set up to bring me back to reality. I am truely blessed to have my children here as well--they have been so wonderful to hold during this time. Although sometimes DD's questions are really tough to answer. I also like that DS is still BFing--even though it is only maybe 4 times a day now, every little bit helps. I am able to sleep now and the panic attacks have decreased significantly. DH had to return to work yesterday and I was scared to death to have him gone, but it actually went okay. I just slept all day, which I think I needed since I haven't really had a chance to rest since the birth. Again, thank you all for everything. . .I really appreciate it.


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## mama_b

I just found this thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a little better. I wish there were something I could do to help you.


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## Genesis

Oh mama, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your family,







:







Please do not ever hesitate to PM any of us here if you need to talk.

Michele


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## UberMama

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## jocelyndale

I'm grateful you have such wonderful friends to help you through this hard time. I'm so sorry for your loss. The shrine sounds lovely.


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## ~Heyokha~

I wish I could wrap my arms around you. I am so sorry, I will keep you in my prayers


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## LolaPop

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet baby girl. I lost my daughter 12 days after her birth from lack of oxygen due to delivery complications back in Aug. I am still trying to process what happened. I know what it feels like to go through 9 months of pregancy and labor and not have your baby. Your little Naiya Mei (beautiful name) is so lucky to have you as a mother, I'm sure your love for her has transcended her lifetimes. I will light a candle for her on my altar.

Sending you and your family light and love!


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## reducereuserecycle

I can't imagine what you are feeling. I will pray for you and your family.


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## mclisa

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I don't think I have the words to bring you comfort right now. Please talk to your midwife and see if there is an infant loss group that you can talk to.


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## LelanisMom1

Im so sorry for your loss . May God bless and be with you at this aful time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.


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## hucifer

I am deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. I broke down after reading your message...you sound very strong during this horrific time. I wish you and your family all the best.


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## Phoebe

I hate that this happens to anyone. Those of us who have not experienced the loss of a child I am sure have no real grasp of what you are going through. I am sick inside thinking of your loss. All I can do is think of you and hope that you can rest and take time to recover.

I am so very very sorry you had to go through this.


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## kwren23

i just couldnt read and not post... i am so so sory for your loss


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## pilesoflaundry

I'm so sorry














2:


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## ladyleigh

om shanti- peace to you and your family.


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## THBVsMommy

i am so utterly sorry for your loss. my heart and prayers go out to your family.


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## mezzydotes

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and family.


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## 5796

Treemom2,

I am so sorry about your dear baby girl. It sounds like your friends in Japan have been a blessing and have really showed up which is beautiful. I am so happy you have your DS and DD to help you through this...

How is your DH doing? Does he have a place to collapse?

I wish I was there. I would hug you both.

hugs
Tracy


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## IncaMama

: i am so sorry for your loss...i wish you peace and strength...


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## christy005

I'm so very sorry for your loss!


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## momma2libby

I am so sorry for your loss....


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## hulamama

There are no words to use to describe how sorry I am for your loss. I wish there was something we could all do to make your sadness a little less.

Peace to you and your family. You will all be in my thoughts.


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## SamuraiMom




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## minimunklemama

mama,I am so so sorry for your tragic loss of your precious baby.
you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## sparkprincess

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## sarah73

im so so sorry for your loss


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## nigellas

Oh my gosh... I'm so, so very sorry.


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## AllyRae

I am so sorry.


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## ajsgirl

I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. My thoughts are with you.


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## BelovedBird




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## beckyand3littlemonsters




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## 2 in August

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## kbuglove

I'm sending a great bundle of love to you and your family...
My prayers and thoughts are with you!


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## aradia

I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers and blessings to you and your family.


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## OwensMa

Could not read this without posting, either. I am very sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathies.


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## Nicole913

My condolences to you and your family.


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## Ivana&4Kids

So sorry for you and your family.














s


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## gal_sunshine_383

I am so sorry for your loss mama!

















Our daughter Hannah was born sleeping on April 17, 2007 at 39 weeks gestation. The pain of losing a child - can be unbearable!

Please feel free to cry, rant, vent, or anything else you feel like doing!

We will be here to listen.


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## Avena

I am truly sorry for your loss~ Sending much love & light your way...I just went thru a similar loss w/my friends baby..Words cannot express the sorrow my heart feels......

Please remember you are not alone mama!


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## amydawnsmommy

I am so sorry Mama.









Have you been able to contact a local support group?
Talking to other parents who have survived the death of their baby can be really helpful.

I also highly recommend the book Empty Cradle, Broken Heart by Deborah Davis.










Please let me know if you need to talk.


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## ledzepplon

I am so sorry for your tragic loss. She's absolutely beautiful, by the way.


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## Maluhia

I am so very sorry for your loss of this sweet little girl.

Kulia


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## sewinmama

I'm so sorry. We lost our Chloe three weeks ago (at 31 weeks) to placental abruption. I think I have some idea how you may be feeling. Don't be shy about asking a doc for some help (medication) for the panic and the sleep. I'm on both and they do help.

PM me if I can be of any help or even just a shoulder to cry on that kind of has an idea where you are.

Huge hugs and prayers to your whole family.


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## gerlassie

I am so sorry for your loss. Try to stay strong and take care of yourself. Seek counseling if you can...sometimes it helps to have someone you can go to weekly ( or whenever ) that is not somehow related to you that will listen and not offer unnecessary coments or advise or judge your grieving. If She were here, I'm sure she would tell you that She's ok.

Hugs and Love,
Kim ( Daniel 6 and David 2 )


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