# Our Angel made it till 16 weeks



## organic-mama (Aug 1, 2008)

Like many of you, I never thought I'd be posting in this section. Our baby was diagnosed with a Cystic Hygroma at my 12 week NT scan. I have an 8 year old DD that was diagnosed with the same thing at 12 weeks in utero, but hers disappeared by 16 weeks, she was born healthy and is perfect. I assummed the same would happen with this baby. So yesterday, we had genetic counseling, it was like Deju Vu, the same counselor from 8 years ago remembered us, we were in the exact same counseling room as with DD. Then we go over to the main hospital for our Ultrasound and Amnio, and wow Deja Vu, the exact same room as we did DD's ultrasound and amnio 8 years prior. Now, this is a very large hospital with several rooms to use, I thought it was crazy, it was like reliving what had happened literally 8 years prior. Well almost, except this time when the tech rolled the wand to scan, the baby wasn't moving. I actually thought the baby was just sleeping. The tech told me my bladder was too full and to empty it, when I returned from the bathroom, the tech was gone. I asked DH where she went, he didn't know. Then seconds later she walks in with an older lady, the lady told me she was going to take a look, then it was like I was in a dream. The words I never thought I'd ever hear was "I'm so sorry, but the baby has no hearbeat". I lost it, they left us alone to grieve. Then another Dr came in to take a look. He told us that the Cystic Hygroma had grown to become "extra large" and eventually the baby's heart had to stop. He did the Amnio, told us we may not get answers from it since the fluid was purple do to fetal death and the cells may not grow. He said the baby could have Turners Syndrome or Trisomy 13 or 18. This isn't suppose to happen to me, I'm only 30, I'm a good person, live a very healthy lifestyle, why did this happen?!?! The baby must have died somewhere between my prenatal visit on Tuesday and Friday morning. On Tues the heartbeat sounded beautiful, nice and strong. This feeling of losing my baby is hard, I can't stop crying, I keep thinking it's gonna come back to life, I think I'm going crazy, I have so many strange feelings going on right now. And, since this all happened Friday, I have to wait till Tues to be induced, this is even harder knowing I have a dead baby inside me, feeling the weight of my Uterus when I roll over in bed. Knowing that I will no longer have my bump after Tuesday. The Dr did say they will also send the placenta off to pathology to give us answers. I'm afraid, I've never been through this and right now I feel as if my healing process will be long. I'm angry, I prayed for this baby, I prayed for a healthy baby. I had my year all planned out around this baby, now it has been taken from me!


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## no5no5 (Feb 4, 2008)

I am so sorry.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

Oh, momma.. we all walk similar paths here. It's a difficult journey, but we all support one another.. and I can tell you, that life WILL get easier. There is nothing quite like that dreaded ultrasound you described.. the image of my sons still heart will haunt me forever, but there is hope, love and soo many beautiful women here who can help you. Come here as often as you need to momma.


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## CawMama (Nov 4, 2005)




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## maxwill129 (May 12, 2005)

I'm so very sorry.


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## lil_stinkyfeet (Nov 12, 2006)

I am so very sorry for you loss


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## kamane18 (Aug 28, 2008)

I'm so sorry, my thoughts are with you and your family


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## happyhippimama (Apr 11, 2007)

I am so so sorry.


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

Oh, mama! This so hard. It DOES get better. Right now you're like a boat adrift on a stormy sea. There is little you can do but hold on for dear life and ride wave on top of wave. Gradually the storm will subside, but a part of you will always be on that sea of grief, riding waves. You will get through this and feel love and laughter and happiness again. There's nothing you did wrong. There's nothing you did to deserve this. The truth is that sometimes bad things happen to good people. We're here for you, mama.


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## joeys_mom (Feb 11, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby in September at 16 weeks. It is hard, but hold on tight to those who love you, they will get you through this.


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

i am so sorry.


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## millefleur (Nov 25, 2008)

I know, I know. It is so hard. I'm so very sorry. We are all here for you. Many, many hugs.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I am so sorry, mama.

We are all here to listen whenever you want to talk.


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## ghuaghua (Jul 19, 2005)




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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

s momma! So sorry to hear this! But it will get better, I know it seems impossible. But we're all here to help eachother.


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Oh, mama. I'm so very sorry. My heart goes out to you.














: We're here for you!


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## because (Sep 11, 2003)

From your DDC.

organic-mama, I am so sorry for your loss.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Gosh I am so sorry mama. My heart is with you and so are the hearts of all the women here with us. We're all sending our most healing thoughts and our various forms of prayer your way, so that we can help you through this. If I were there I would give you an enormous hug.

You will live through this - you will make it, because we all did. You will be able to heal again. I know you feel lost right now, and that's okay - but don't give up, and don't let yourself go under. There is solid ground, and soon. While my loss was full term, and my own mother's latest loss was full term, she also had two losses at 16 and 17 weeks and I felt her deep sorrow.

Much love and many hugs for you, mama, and the rest of your family. XXXX


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## usmcwfe (Aug 17, 2006)

I so sorry Mama.. This is so hard and it breaks my heart to see new "faces". But there are many, many other women who have felt the same loss and hopefully you will be able to find as much hope and peace here as I have. The ultrasound you describe is so familiar to me, its just terrible. But you will be ok and believe it or not there will be a day when you wake up smiling rather than crying. It takes a long time, be gentle with yourself and don't deny yourself the time to greive. But just don't give up hope, and trust us all, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. You're in my prayers tonight,


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## RachaelsMommy (Jul 1, 2008)

I'm so sorry..


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## calebsmommy25 (Aug 23, 2008)

I'm so sorry...


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I'm so sorry







I lost my baby at 16 weeks in December. The pain is so intense in the beginning, but it does get easier.


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## Cheshire (Dec 14, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss, too. You are going through such a nightmare - please keep us posted on your progress.

So many of us have similar stories and can share our experiences with you when and if you are ready to hear how others have gotten through it.

Hugs to you and your family. You'll be in our thoughts.


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## labortrials (Aug 7, 2007)

My heart is aching for you. I had some similar stuff - in terms of the emotions - with my last loss. That was my "faith" baby. I had prayed hard over that baby, was doing a bible study, and was trying to give over my fears and lack of faith and trust to God. I still lost my baby. I still don't understand God's will when it comes to loss - really any sort of unexpected death or loss.

Well, that is more than I meant to say. I hope you'll give yourself plenty of time and space to work through your emotions. It took me a good 6 months for the PTSD I feel I experienced to abate. More







s. I still think about my loss babies all the time.


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## Sanguine (Sep 8, 2006)

I'm so sorry...


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss.... I can't imagine what that day had to be like for you. Wishing you comfort and healing.


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## mammabunny (May 8, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss. The women here are wonderful and have helped me tremendously. You are in good hands.


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## maemaemama (Oct 10, 2007)

so sorry


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## honeybunch2k8 (Jan 14, 2008)

I'm so sorry hun.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

So sorry for your loss.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Tarra, I am so very sorry you are going through this.
I wish you much peace and healing tomorrow. Please make sure you are able to see, hold, and name your baby if that is what you wish to do. Take pictures too.
Just last Feb I was dealing with a similar loss, I too was due late June. I can tell you that you will never be the same. It's ok to be sad and angry and weak and any emotion you need. Please do not feel like you have to be strong, why would you? Also surround yourself with only loving supportive people, even if that means noone at all. Dealing with the world will be difficult in the weeks to come. Do what you need to do to get through this. Again, I am so sorry mama.


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## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

I have no words, only sending you good thoughts and letting you know that you did nothing to deserve this. It isn't fair and I wish it could be different for all of us in this forum.
I will be thinking about you. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.


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## joannamf (Apr 11, 2006)

I'm sorry for your loss. We lost our last baby at 9 1/2 weeks due to a cystic hygroma. On a Wed. the heartbeat was 180, and Friday it was gone. It's such a hard thing to see your baby on the screen, I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your story really made me remember those first moments, hearing the words, "Unfortunately, this baby doesn't have a heartbeat". I'm so sorry.


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

I'm so sorry mama.







From your post it says you were to be induced today, I hope things went smoothly and that you are surrounded by love and that comfort finds you even in such terrible circumstances. We are all here for you and wish you peace.


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## Finding Serenity (Aug 10, 2005)




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