# OMG "Train up a Child"



## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

My MIL sent me this link "full of good information". I am horrified! Is this for real??? Pulling a baby's hair for biting while nursing and using a switch on BABIES??? I cried while reading this. What are these people thinking?

http://www.gospeltruth.net/children/pearl_tuac.htm

This is a quote from the site:

Through this process of association the child will involuntarily recall the pain every time he hears the word "No." There comes a time when your word alone is sufficient to gain obedience.


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## aurora_skys (Apr 1, 2008)

ah the Pearls... go researche them the Ezzos and others like their ilk and you'll find horrific suggestions for "parenting." Very sad that some mothers get sucked into believing this is how they should raise their children... :<


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## aaronsmom (Jan 22, 2007)

The fact that some people actually do things like this to their children makes me want to uke
ETA: I just went back and read through that entire thing...and OMG!!







: That has got to be the most disturbing thing I've ever read. I can't believe people actually want to "train" their children to be perfectly obedient, never-questioning drones. Sick. Sick. Sick.


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## chickenfeet (Apr 14, 2008)

WOW. We had a dog from the pound who was afraid of men and sticks. I guess it had been 'trained' too. Disgusting.

Also, lecturing a 10 month old on the importance of coming when called?







Violent AND futile. What a deal.


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## TheRationalCrunchy (Apr 6, 2008)

This bothers me so much. "Training" a child will give you a child who is only acting "good" out of fear. A child who only does good things out of fear of punishment is not going to sustain that kind of behavior into adulthood when parents and switches are no longer a threat.

I suppose that's why they keep the kids very very religious, too, in the "hellfire and brimstone" style. I don't have anything against religion per se, but the kind of religion these people bring their kids up with is basically just an extension of their discipline philosophy: "be afraid, because if you're bad you'll be punished FOREVER." I suppose that might work when the switches stop.


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## yoginisarah (Dec 20, 2007)

I can't even open something like that. I can't believe your MIL would send that to you...who would want their grandchild treated that way?


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## my_baby_love (Jan 15, 2006)

I can't even read stuff like that. It's so so so scary to me that people actually treat their children like that. It makes me want to find a way to protect all the poor innocent children who have parents that think this is the best way to raise them.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Well, at least this lets you know that MIL is not a good candidate for babysitting!







:


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## beka1977 (Aug 1, 2004)

Is your MIL normally like this? Was your DH raised this way? Is it at all possible that she forwarded it without really reading it?


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## TheRationalCrunchy (Apr 6, 2008)

Wow. It says babies are manipulative, and compares toddlers expressing their desires to mob bosses and terrorists (seriously!).

Children are supposed to have no desires (according to this guy) apart from what the parents want, or they're terrorizing you. Disgusting. And the child is supposed to "drop everything" the first time they're called "until they leave home." What do these kids do when they do get out into the real world and can desire something for the first time?


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## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *paquerette* 
Well, at least this lets you know that MIL is not a good candidate for babysitting!







:

AMEN


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## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beka1977* 
Is your MIL normally like this? Was your DH raised this way? Is it at all possible that she forwarded it without really reading it?

MIL was VERY strict with DH (spanking, grounding etc) and totally permissive with his twin younger brothers. I wish I could believe she had not read it but it came with the note "you should read this, it has very good advice that I hope you two will heed" I'm just in shock!


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheRationalCrunchy* 
What do these kids do when they do get out into the real world and can desire something for the first time?

I believe that if they are women they leave their parents' home to make a home with their husband, to whom they will submit. So they're covered.
http://www.amazon.com/Created-Be-His...9586572&sr=8-3


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Oh man, the Pearls are awful









This stuff just makes me sick.


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

that is SICK!....

I cant even believe they go into detail about the switch they use, its diameter and what tree it came from!....sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick sick......I cant say it enough...SICK!


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## dubfam (Nov 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chfriend* 
I believe that if they are women they leave their parents' home to make a home with their husband, to whom they will submit. So they're covered.
http://www.amazon.com/Created-Be-His...9586572&sr=8-3

There are 174 reviews.
OMFG I knew about this book but reading the reviews...WOW














:

You gotta wonder what goes on in that marriage


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## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

wow, I checked out the ezzos too! I feel so sorry for the kids of the ppl that believe in these books!


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

OMG. I am bawling over here and I think I only got through 1/3 of it. I can't stop crying!! This is the most horrible thing I have ever read.

I have heard of the Pearls and Ezzos, and knew it was spanking and such... but setting your child up with a toy they want to reach out and touch.... and then switching their hand when they reach for it, so they can learn what "no" means????? That is breaking your child's spirit and molding them to be completely compliant and making their only desire to please you. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That was horrible.


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## kapatasana (Apr 5, 2008)

My mother in law believes this crap too. And my nephews are being raised with this








Needless to say, when we have children, any time spent around these people will be very well supervised. In fact,we're seriously considering not having children as long as we live nearby my MIL.


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

Boy are these people full of themselves- I read the preface and it actually compares children to Amish mules! And that once you read it you will exclaim I knew this all along???? They don't even want to know that the child is present until she is ready to pee her pants?????? And they shouldn't receive comfort for getting a knot on the head????? They state that a child is too stupid to realize that you are the one inflicting the pain but it is the no or the object that did it????? I have yet to read a more ignorant piece of propaganda before this.

These people should never come in contact with another living being. I wouldn't wish their presence on a malaria-ridden mosquito.

So sad that anyone could find anything positive in this load of crap. Unless it is what not to do with a child....never treat a child THIS way...


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## Heavenly (Nov 21, 2001)

I would never use these methods but I have to admit that it would be nice to have a child who obeys - ever.


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## mackinsiesmom (Apr 3, 2004)

I actually read the book. It took me forever to read it because I could only read about 10 pages at a time and put it down for about a week before I could even think about picking it back up. When I did dh had to be home so that I could vent to him as soon as I was done reading it.

I felt so terrible for kids that are raised this way. I just can't wrap my head around that way of parenting.


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## kittymac (Nov 6, 2005)

I just want to cry...I feel sick!


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## jsnmom (Jan 19, 2008)

I couldn't read the whole thing because it makes me want to uke

Quote:

the same principles the Amish use to train their stubborn mules,
...sorry, but my children aren't mules

Quote:

the same technique God uses to train his children
...not the God I believe in does.

DH says that man has serious controll issues. It is so sad for the children who are being raised that way.


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## acannon (Nov 21, 2007)

I, too, hated how they compared children to animals. If you can train a "dumb mutt" (their words), you should be able to do it to a child. UGH! This isn't just another form of parenting, it's abuse, or, at least, borderline abuse. Using a switch on a BABY??!! Expecting a child who had just recently become mobile to come when called???!!! This is absolutely disgusting. I couldn't read the whole thing. When I read the first few sentences, I said, "WTF is this?" This line, though, really got me going: "The parents look like escapees from a Second World War, Polish boxcar. Another hour with them, and I would have been searching the yellow-pages for discount vasectomies." THAT was utterly DISGUSTING. Just imagine if you were one of the people who had visited this person and you pick up the book or read this online and read that statement. She's talking about guests in her home like that. That's just beyond horrible.


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

I know multiple families who actually use this. It makes me so sad.


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## Mama_Leah (Aug 1, 2007)

At one point we had three copies of this book that people had given us. We spanked for several years until I couldn't take it anymore. My kids were no better behaved than other kids and I was tired of feeling guilty for doing something I knew in my heart was wrong. But we were never at Pearl level. While part of me wanted "obedient" children their methods just seemed cruel. I would rather have happy "wild" kids than perfectly obedient kids who actually feared me. I apologized to all my three older kids and told them that it was wrong of me to have used hitting as discipline. Luckily the baby was young enough to have never been spanked.
It makes me so happy that we can go visit people who thought I was crazy for not spanking and they see that my kids are (mostly) well behaved and that we are all a lot happier.

A few months ago my husband popped our then 20 month old daughter on the hand (out of habit) and our 4 yr son ran and threw his arms around her and glared at him and said, "Daddy! You should never, ever, EVER hit a BABY!!"


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

I'm so sorry she sent that to you, and that you have one fewer potential babysitters for your eventual bambino.

The Pearls = uke


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama_Leah* 
While part of me wanted "obedient" children their methods just seemed cruel. I would rather have happy "wild" kids than perfectly obedient kids who actually feared me.

Aside from all the other issues, the obedience things bothers me...a lot. I knew a woman like that when I was growing up - "children should obey". Oddly enough, when one of those children obeyed her molester, _she_ was a "dirty little girl"...who is still going through hell over 30 years later. (No - it wasn't me, but someone I know well.) That girl was blamed by the adults in her life for doing _exactly what they wanted her to do_. She should have known better, even though they never encouraged her to think for herself, only to obey.


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## Mama_Leah (Aug 1, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
Aside from all the other issues, the obedience things bothers me...a lot. I knew a woman like that when I was growing up - "children should obey". Oddly enough, when one of those children obeyed her molester, _she_ was a "dirty little girl"...who is still going through hell over 30 years later. (No - it wasn't me, but someone I know well.) That girl was blamed by the adults in her life for doing _exactly what they wanted her to do_. She should have known better, even though they never encouraged her to think for herself, only to obey.

That is sad.








My husband looked at me like I was crazy (which he does often but he usually ends up agreeing with me







) when I suggested that kids wouldn't "disobey" so much if big people stopped telling the how to think/feel/act all the time.


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## Oriole (May 4, 2007)

I am amazed that people read this for guidance on how to parent their children... I just can't believe it. I guess I'm just naive, but I am truly stunned.


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## capagrl (Jun 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama_Leah* 
I suggested that kids wouldn't "disobey" so much if big people stopped telling the how to think/feel/act all the time.

Wow, that is probably the truest thing I have read in a LONG time!!

And as for the Pearls... there just aren't words that can express how heartbreaking it is to think of children whose wills are being broken by those who are supposed to be loving and protecting them from being mistreated.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

So, will you be letting her babysit?


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## EarthMamaToBe (Feb 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vancouver Mommy* 
So, will you be letting her babysit?

Not a chance! We were pretty sure that we would never leave our baby alone with her anyway because of the total lack of supervision DH little brothers got (playing with fireworks at 4, playing out of her sight in the STREET at 3) but this pretty much confirms that we have VERY different views of how to raise a child. I don't think we'd ever be comfortable knowing our child was alone with her.


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## SophieAnn (Jun 26, 2007)

The Pearls have been discussed before in the GD forum - and I remember someone linked to a news article about a 4-year old who DIED because his mom followed the Pearls' advice to the letter.

So sad for all the children being "raised" like this.


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## N8'sMom (Jun 25, 2007)

Man....where the hell are these people from??? The 1700's?
What they are describing is torture.
F*ck that!
It makes me sick that they say this crap is in the Bible....ummm no.
Sorry, but God did not put me on this green earth to be an asshole
to my child or anyone else's. Those people are sick!









And for whoever gave you that book...piss on it and give it back!


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

Ack, you need to have a little talk with your MIL.


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## thefragile7393 (Jun 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheRationalCrunchy* 
This bothers me so much. "Training" a child will give you a child who is only acting "good" out of fear.

This was my experience growing up....my parents didn't follow any one method, just how they were raised. It's a struggle to find a balance now with my son.


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## neverdoingitagain (Mar 30, 2005)

You know, there was an article on MSN recently that said about 70% of US parents don't know how to raise their child, based on their knowledge of basic childhood development. 2 questions were "At the age of 1, a child knows right from wrong. True or False?" and "At age 1, a child is developmentally ready to learn to use the potty. True or False?"
Yeah think its because of crap like "TTUAC"?

Sorry, make that 1/3 of parents!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20080504...ilddevelopment


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

I am literally coming to tears right now reading about the pearls here. I have never heard af them before right now and i am sick to my stomach. to seitch a baby!!?!!?!! a darling seet baby who wants only a moms love and touch!!?!!?!! do the pearls have any of their own children? I cerainly hope not. Jesus loves all the little children! I wish they could be arrested for promoting child abuse. in my state if you used a switch on a child, especially a baby, you would be talking to DHS (Department of Human Services, Child Protection). They might even take your baby away. You would defintiely have to have classes and services for at least 2 years to make sure you knew better. I have seen kids placed because of lesser degrees of neglect around here. I have in the past spanked my children out of frustration but work hard every day to change how i react to things. I act not react. but i have never ever treated my child in such a manner. THIS BOOK PROMOTES CHILD ABUSE! SOmeone should sue them.


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## kapatasana (Apr 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Superbeanie52* 
I am literally coming to tears right now reading about the pearls here. I have never heard af them before right now and i am sick to my stomach. to seitch a baby!!?!!?!! a darling seet baby who wants only a moms love and touch!!?!!?!! do the pearls have any of their own children? I cerainly hope not. Jesus loves all the little children! I wish they could be arrested for promoting child abuse. in my state if you used a switch on a child, especially a baby, you would be talking to DHS (Department of Human Services, Child Protection). They might even take your baby away. You would defintiely have to have classes and services for at least 2 years to make sure you knew better. I have seen kids placed because of lesser degrees of neglect around here. I have in the past spanked my children out of frustration but work hard every day to change how i react to things. I act not react. but i have never ever treated my child in such a manner. THIS BOOK PROMOTES CHILD ABUSE! SOmeone should sue them.









That's how I feel too. Unfortunately I learned about the Pearls
by seeing their "method" in action. I so much regret not saying anything. I will until the day I die. It's just evil. Writing bad amazon reviews s a small way to help.


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