# I'm gonna give you a good spankin'



## Juniper (Apr 20, 2004)

WWYD if BIL said this to your DC? DS is 7 months and doesn't understand yet, but will eventually. His uncle says this, sorta jokingly, at least 5 times every time he hangs out with DS(which can be once a week-always supervised). He says it when DS drops something or is just sitting there. I am all about GD & would never let anyone harm him, and I don't think it's healthy to say this. I do not believe that he would act on it b/c I am pretty sure he has never tried to spank his other nephew,( 4 years old) although has said the same thing to him.

I spoke about it with DP and he sort of teases his brother about it (His way of getting his brother to stop) But it hasn't worked. I've also said, "Well, we're not going to spank" But I think he just does it out of habit and doesn't even realize it. He is a very repetetive person in general & gets offended really easily. So bizarre.

BTW- It gets said in Spanish, "Te Voy a dar duro en el poto." is the actual phrase. Also, BIL LOVES to hang out with DS. He is very kind to him &, besides his weird mantra, has positive interactions with him. DP thinks one of his uncles used to say this & maybe BIL picked it up from him. They were not spanked as children.

What do you think?

Thanks,

Jennifer


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## guerrillamama (Oct 27, 2003)

Is it really a big deal? If you think he'll never try it, and is honestly just joking around, what's the harm? My mom used to tell me she was going to sell me to the gypsies. I don't think I was scarred by that in any way.


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## Juniper (Apr 20, 2004)

Well, this is what I am wondering. My mom was fairly GD but my dad did spank a few times and so maybe that is why I inwardly cringe when he says it. So maybe it wouldn't be a big deal for DS who will never experience this?


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## guerrillamama (Oct 27, 2003)

Yeah, just my opinion, but yeah. Like my mom's joke would not have been at all amusing if anybody in our family had experienced child slavery, or was in danger of that. (It also would not have been amusing if we were Roma. And now I know that the Roma are a very real and very oppressed ethnic group, so I don't make "gyspy" jokes. I tell my son I'm going to sell him on Ebay. No reserve.)


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## MomInFlux (Oct 23, 2003)

It would bug me. How's your relationship with your BIL? Can you say something everytime he says it, along the lines of "BIL, knock it off". Perhaps he needs to be reminded every time it happens..?


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I don't know- we joke around about silly things like this all the time.
"Spankies" are actually a joke around here...







:
Annette


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

Definately how it is delievered and intended would matter most. If he knows that spanking is totally not ever going to happen, and he's just being silly I think it's fine... as long as the kid is in on the joke of it all. (Sounds like he will be as he is just a babe now, and will grow up knowing he is not going to be spanked)

We have teased the kids (and they us...) like "Ohhh I am so gonna beat you..." etc. But it's all in good fun. I would just reinforce that your child will never actually get a spanking, and then have a little giggle.


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## kavamamakava (Aug 25, 2004)

If you don't spank and neither does anyone else, your son might never really care. I mean, how would he know what a spanking was or felt like if he had never had one? It might never bother him if it's more like a joke from his uncle.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

As long as you know he will NEVER do it ... I don't see how it can hurt.

I, of course, use GD and don't spank ... but I joke with my 27 month old about it sometimes. Like when he runs off before I can get a new diaper on him, I chase him and say "I'm going to spank that bottom!" he runs, we giggle and laugh ... hopefully I'm not scarring him for life.







: :LOL

I guess if you have never been spanked, it's really nothing to be afraid of. I wouldn't worry too much.


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## Juniper (Apr 20, 2004)

It's definitely said how Mistymama says it. I'm pretty sure it's innocent. You can joke with him but he usually doesn't catch on unless you are direct in which case he would be offended. So probably not worth a confrontation.

Until I posted this question I didn't think this was about me but maybe so (issues with me being spanked as a child). Because BIL also calls DS microbio cochino (dirty microbe) or gordo feo (fat/ugly) & that doesn't really bother me. Although that is not really violent per se.

This is helpful. Thanks.

Jennifer


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

I'm generally put off by the term "spank" being directed at kids in conversation. I feel like....if we wouldn't do it to them in real life, why should we say it to them?

Using Mistymama's example above, I would say to my child "I am gonna tickle that bottom." Not spank.

I'm a stickler for honesty and I think a young child (for instance, one still wearing a diaper) is not capable of discerning a playful joke from a fact. I think of all the conversations I have with dd through out the day, all the things I tell her about her world....she is listening and believing because from her perspective - I know everything! We have to teach and show children that we indeed don't have all the answers and facts, but that is a concept they learn as they get older with our guidance. At baby and toddler stages, I think they do believe what is told to them and I would hate to have my child hear "I'm gonna give you a good spankin'". If that were said to her, I would feel the need to express in a clear and factual way that it was not appropriate and not something I wanted her to experience again. (in an attempt to be totally honest, I am in the situation to say that so easily because I do not have family living close and don't have any parenting input from others in my life really. It is very easy for me to do what I feel is right in raising dd without any "helpful suggestions" from the outside. I do understand the pressure some are under from family.)

I think it is totally fine to play and kid with your children about things in a fun and loving and joking way...but I don't think that these younger babes and toddlers are ready for play that involves untruth.


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## PuppyFluffer (Mar 18, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juniper*
It's definitely said how Mistymama says it. I'm pretty sure it's innocent. You can joke with him but he usually doesn't catch on unless you are direct in which case he would be offended. So probably not worth a confrontation.

Only you know the tone and only you can decide if it is worth a conversation with him. If it bothers you, is it possible to have a conversation with BIL and not a confrontation?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juniper*
Until I posted this question I didn't think this was about me but maybe so (issues with me being spanked as a child). Because BIL also calls DS microbio cochino (dirty microbe) or gordo feo (fat/ugly) & that doesn't really bother me. Although that is not really violent per se.

This would really bother me. I guess I just don't know the context of it but there are plenty of pleasant ways to remark that a baby is fat without also associating it with such negative words as "ugly". It seems to me to be a respect issue. I would take offense to family calling my child a microbe or ugly, even in the best of humor. But this type of "humor" is appropriate to some people and if it is generally accepted in the family all in good humor and in the spirit of love and affection....and it works for your family... then ok. But if it bothers you....I think saying so earlier rather than later would better help to change the behavior.


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## loving-my-babies (Apr 2, 2004)

you mean someone telling MY child that they're going to give him a "spanking"?? I'd tell them that if they ever say that again, EVER, I will slap THEM in the face so fast they're going to be ROLLING. NO ONE threatens my children! I'm not an advocate of spanking, except for the people that threaten to spank my kids!


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## loving-my-babies (Apr 2, 2004)

oh and microbio cochino? I am from Chile and so I know what that means. That is verbal abuse IMO. Gordo, not so much. I call my ds gordo or guaton as a term of endearment, but dirty microbe??


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## Juniper (Apr 20, 2004)

I feel as though I am demonizing BIL but I he is a very honorable person who would do anything for us. I have drawn lines such as no throwing DS in the air (yes, they did this to our nephew and NEVER to DS) and no tv watching until he's 2...so many things really. DH's family already thinks I'm a bit fanatical. DH does call DS Gordo but no other names. I guess I've heard BIL call our nephew those names for so long that I've become desensitized.







:

I think it is one of those things where we will have to say, "thats just your silly uncle and we do not say those things". Maybe after BIL has kids he will be more sensitive.

My mom does call DS "stinky" in an endearing way that I think is cute.

Any more opinions will help me to sort this out further, so feel free.

Jennifer


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## Piglet68 (Apr 5, 2002)

Well, I have problems with all of those things, and I'll tell you why. It IS dishonest, as PuppyFluffer said. What would happen if your child heard that being said to another child and it was a real threat? Wouldn't that confuse your child? Imagine your child laughing thinking it's a joke and then watching the other kid get a whallop.

When you explain that "silly ol' BIL" is just joking are you going to then explain what a spanking really is, that some poor kids suffer this at the hands of their parents...and then really, how funny does it then seem? I know it all seems harmless to the adults, but I am not so sure it is totally harmless to let this sort of thing pass.

As for the ugly/fat thing...well ugly is a very harsh word in our culture. I would never want my child to associate anything about him/herself with that word, even if supposedly in fun.

Do I think your kids are going to be damaged by BIL? No. It's not a major issue. But it is something I would be uncomfortable with, enough so to take BIL aside and ask him not to say that anymore.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

I totally agree with Piglet68. I just don't like things like that said even in joking fashion. My father used to say to ds _everytime_ he would start to cry or fuss..."who hit you", or "who pinched you". It made my stomach turn hearing him say it and I asked him not to say it to ds anymore. It just seems to insinuate that those things are normal or okay. I don't think...hitting...pinching...or spanking are anything funny, even if said jokingly. I know my dad doesn't mean anything by it, but I hear parents threatening spanking and getting "butts beaten" in public ALL the time. I don't want my kids to think that that is funny.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PuppyFluffer*
Using Mistymama's example above, I would say to my child "I am gonna tickle that bottom." Not spank.

That's a good point, and something that I've honestly not thought much about.







: I know often I'll say "I'm going to GET that bottom" and I think that, or tickle is probably a better choice of words.

For us, it's a game ... but now I see your point. Other kids DO get spanked







and I sure don't want him to think that's a joke AT ALL.


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