# Help me! waiting for miscarriage



## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

Baby is dead and I am falling apart waiting for this miscarriage. The baby died 3 weeks ago THIS coming wednesday. How long will this take? I have a tincture of blue cohosh, parsely and motherwort but nothing yet.

I keep hoping to see blood so that I will begin healing. i feel so stagnant. I also have a whole bunch of anger. Is this normal?? Please tell me...


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

((((((((((Chanley))))))))))
I am so sorry.
The only thing I can do to help you is this link.She recently went through the same thing.I know her IRL.I will go look for it now and post it right away.


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## emmaline (Dec 16, 2001)

((((((((chanley)))))))))

miscarriage is an intense experience however it happens, I hope you have the space and support to feel whatever you feel - anger - YES why not? - pain, grief, sadness, lost dreams, the lot - that is the best way I know to survive


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## charmarty (Jan 27, 2002)

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...essed+Sunshine

Here is her story.I hope this helps you at least feel like you are not at all alone in your feelings.I am sure if you wanted to you can e mail her with any thing you need.Me too if you need.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

(((chanley))))))

I had to drink about six cups of cohash tea to get contractions..









I am sure the feelings of anger are perfectly normal...you have been through something very tragic and loss often makes us very angry.

I am so sorry


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## Blessed Sunshine (May 9, 2002)

I've been there love. ANd it's so terribly hard waiting. It's hard when everyone around you looks at you thinking, why on earth would you wait. AS to the herbs, they don't really do anything. I spoke to many midwives while I waited. and they all felt the same.

While you wait, make plans for your baby. Are you planning to name this sweet angel? Can you plan a memorial now? I wrote many poems, browsed websites, started creating my own. I planned a memorial. I spoke to my minister and he was happy to help us.

I wouldn't have wanted to lose Morgan suddenly. I'll never know the day he died(and I KNOW it's a he) but I know the day I delivered, I was blessed and was able to hold my sweet one, not near long enough, but I did, I counted fingers and toes, looked and admired his facial features, I was able to see it was a boy, I had that. Where if it was really sudden, then I might not have. I did need to go for a d&c in the end, as I was bleeding heavily the placenta was stuck and ruptured. But I had my baby.

I've spent lots of time researching missed miscarriages. And what I've learned is little. No one knows why, there is the theory that all miscarriages take 4 to 6 weeks, just people like us find out shortly after, and choose to wait. I didn't deliver with out intervention. I was some what induced. I waited over 2 weeks, but my husband couldn't take it any more. Everyone was freaking that I would get blood poisoning except the Dr. and me, we did blood work. There is a med that will bring it on, if you can't wait any longer. It sounds scary, but if you don't deliver on your own, and they need to do a d&c, it's risky too, in particular when there are no contractions, and sometimes your body just doesn't want to let go. I researched teh meds, and talked at length with the dr. she said the complications are rare, only in later pregnancy are the risks known. There is no long term side effects. The meds are Cytotec. If you look it up, it sounds terrible, but it got me through, I had my baby at home, and the d&c went without glitch, I was having contractions, and it took less than 10 minutes to complete. The placenta was sticky, which is why it didnt let go. I'd have needed to go, with or without the drug. Cytotec is an ulcer med that causes contractions. The dosage is one pill, then 6 hours later 2, 6 hours later 2, and siz hours later 2. You'll start spotting within an hour of the first dosage, most women will deliver between the 3 and 4th dose. I spotted within 15 mintues, and delivered a few hours later, I never took the 2nd dose. I had minimal contractions, and felt when the water ruptured. I delivered the baby into my hands. I wrapped sweet Morgan into the blanket and cried and rocked and sang and loved and admired.

I know natural is the want here, as a rule I do believe it is the right way. But I had to take into consider my husband. Yes it was my body, but his mental and emotional well being were there too. He never pushed, but I could see the stress wearing on him. I did what was best for the family, not only me. I wanted to wait. He didn't, it affected us all. i only wanted to hold the baby, no d&c. I didn't need to have the baby that way. I held my child, I birthed my child. I wouldn't change a thing(except to NOT lose the baby in the first place)

If you want, please feel free to email me, or visit my uncompleted site... www.blessedsunshine.com

Take care, and do what YOU need to for you and your family.


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## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

Thank you so much blessed.

My story is a little different from yours. I was only 8weeks 6 days when my baby died. I knew when he/she died because i did not feel pregnant.

I refuse to take Cytotech. I will give it more time. I just want my body and hormones back to normal. My dh never really had a chance to get attached to this pregnancy. It was more like an idea to him. I barely had enough time to really focus on it as well. I do want to bury my baby tho. I do not want my child to be sucked away and incinerated with hospital garbage.

I have a problem with trying to hurry through my traumas and get over them quickly rather than sit and experience the emotions. So maybe this is a lesson in sitting with grief.

I am going to keep trying with the herbs and hope that my body can handle the task at hand without the help of the wonderful OB/GYN that I have.


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## Blessed Sunshine (May 9, 2002)

Everyone does things different, and that's fine







I was only sharing the option. I didn't want to take it, but had to factor dh into it. My baby died at about 11 weeks. But I carried another 6 or 7 total.

Take care of yourself, be gentle.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Chanley, my heart continues to break for you. Anger is such a normal response to miscarriage. You have so many things to resolve right now. Please, take the time to feel the anger. Go outside and yell at the sky if it feels right to you! Anger is a powerfull emotion and if we allow ourself to explore it, we can learn so much from it.

You lost a baby and the dreams you had for that child. Your emotions are so normal.

I would like to recommend Evening Primrose and Flax Sead Oil. These are very ballanceing herbs and can help even out your hormones. Also, keep hydrated and eat a diet rich in iron - like leafy greans and beets. When the bleeding starts there will be some blood loss and you want to keep your iron level up as much as possible.

Please, call, email or pm me any time - I'm always here to listen and I extend my heart to you.


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