# Loss of Baby Girl



## jenn1771 (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm hoping that by sharing my story I'll find some peace and start healing.

I was 31 weeks pregnant. I started to bleed a little and call my ob/gyn immediately. We arrived at the hospital within 30 minutes. I was hooked up to the fetal monitor and the nurses couldn't find a strong heartbeat. Even though, DH and the nurses told me not to worry, I knew something was very wrong.

An emergency C-Section was done. When I woke up in recovery, I was told our sweet baby girl had died. I was informed that I had a placental abruption and I had a lot of blood loss. I also had something called DIC - (Disseminated intravascular coagulation is a disorder in which the proteins that control blood clotting are abnormally active.) I was given a blood transfusion. At one point, I was close to dying too.

It's been 4 weeks since Emily's death. I don't know how to deal with the grief.

How do you move on? How do you begin to heal? How do you come to terms with the incredible sadness of loosing a baby but then being grateful that you are still alive? Will I ever stop crying? Why does it seem like my hubby and family have managed to go on like nothing ever happened? So many questions, so many emotions.

Any words of wisdom would help.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.







You will never move on, Emily will always be a part of you. In the beginning it is just one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time really. It did give me quite a bit of comfort to find others who knew what I was going through. So you are in the right place.

Were you able to take pictures, footprints, hair clippings? I've found that with my own daughter it made me feel a little closer to her having something tangible to hold.








I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish no one ever had to lose a baby.


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

Jenn, It has been 10 weeks since I lost my little boy, I was 38.5 weeks, he passed from an umbilical cord accident. It seems like just yesterday. At first I could barely get through the day, but it has gotten a little easier as time goes on. I am so sorry that you have to go through this,, it seems so unfair. I wish that this would NEVER happen to anyone. There is a lot of wonderful women on this board that can give you lots of support. Try to hang in there, I will keep you in my thoughts.


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## amitymama (Nov 17, 2006)

I am so sorry mama. Wishing you peace and strength.


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## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

Jenn, I am thinking of you. This is so hard and just doesn't seem fair or make any sense, probably never will, but please know that we are here for you.

The previous poster was right when she said, you take it one breath at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. It gets a little easier with time, still sad and still painful but easier.

As for your husband and family, it isn't the same for them. They will grieve in their own way, but it just isn't the same for them as it is for the person who knew Emily so well, felt her move and knew that she existed.

Try not to get angry with your DH, he lost his little girl too, but he will not grieve like you, he will grieve in his own way.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

Oh Jenn, my heart is breaking for you. It's not fair, I'm so sorry you have to be here.








This is a very supportive place. When the rest of the world moves on, everyone here understands that you will continue to grieve as now you have to go on without your sweet baby girl.
















for Emily.


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

I am so sorry mama








yes, slowly, one breath at a time, one minute at a time... ... it is very, very hard indeed, but you are not alone.
family grieve differently, and so do the husband. my dh said the grieving came a bit later (though in the first couple of weeks he cried a lot) becoz in the beginning he had to take care of things, be strong for me, get things going, etc...
My heart breaks for you. I am really sorry.
and please know that Emily is known and remembered.







Emily


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

Jenn - I'm so very sorry for your loss of Emily. Babies should never die. How do you move on??? Slowly, one moment at a time. days will pass into weeks and then weeks into months and suddenly you'll think how many weeks since she passed? And you start thinking in months. Oh, its been five months and then some day in the distant future we will count years. So, I just wanted to say that the only way to get through this is to live day to day. ((((HUGS))))


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

Jenn, I'm so sorry for your loss. Pregnancy is a time of such tremendous hope... it is just so cruel to lose a baby.

I don't have any words of wisdom- it's only been about 4 weeks since I lost Owen (I had a placental abruption too... Owen was absolutely perfect, I channel a lot of my anger toward the placenta that failed us). But this board has been helpful to me.

There is another thread about people considering counseling/therapy & I really recommend that. Do you have other people in your life who you can talk openly with? Do you know anyone else who's lost a baby during the 3rd trimester?

I can't imagine how scary it would be to have DIC & be in such bad shape yourself. You certainly have a lot to process & grieve. Please be kind to yourself. You are surrounded by love here


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Im so sorry hun








Emily


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## ~Katrinka~ (Feb 4, 2007)

Jenn, I'm so sorry for your terrible loss of your sweet baby girl. You asked how you begin to heal -- and you are doing some important healing right now, by writing out your story, and by sharing it. Like the PP said, you have a lot to process. Write down your thoughts, the story of Emily, any guilty feelings you may have, or just fill up a page with the word "WHY?" -- just getting it on paper may help get some things from circling endlessly around in your head.

And like many of the PPs said, at first you live one breath at a time, then a few minutes at a time, then hours, then days. I can tell you that one year later, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my baby girl. I can, however, think about her without crying, most of the time. Every few weeks, I still need a good cry, and with the anniversary of her loss here, I have been crying all the time. But it's not like it was a year ago. Time does help the healing process along.

If you can find a therapist or a support group - or both, please think about going. It's especially important to have someone to talk to as time passes and the rest of the world thinks you should just "get over it" already. Talking with someone who understands really helps. I'm not sure how I would have coped last year without it.


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## berkeleyp (Apr 22, 2004)

You will come through the darkness. It feels like a tunnel with no end but slowly, after weeks or months, you will see some glimmer or flicker of light and you will move toward it until there is more light than dark. Take care of yourself. Cry as much as you feel necessary and let it all out. Sink into your pain but don't forget to take a break too and allow yourself the joy of living, if even for a few moments.

After my daughter died, I learned both intense pain and grief but also intense joy. I appreciate life more now. There are gifts to be gained from trauma. It has been nearly 4 years since I lost my baby girl. Mostly I am not in the tunnel anymore but occasionally it sucks me back in for an hour or two but the pain is different.

Warm thoughts to you.


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## Matilda_z (Dec 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry Jenn. This is a wonderful place, and I've found it very healing. The big thing that helps me, is thinking about having another baby.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Jen,
I am so sorry. I remember a wonderful mama saying that it felt like the world was moving so fast around all of us who have lost babies, and yet we were standing on the outside not moving. It's hard to grasp that life continues after a loss and sometimes seems impossible to be part of that continuation, almost like it's a betrayal to our lost ones.

Have you been able to have any sort of ceremony for Emily? It seems that that can give your grief a focus and sometimes that helps.

But mostly, be gentle with yourself. Grieve at your own pace and don't feel guilty that others may think you should have moved on by now. Talk, talk, talk to us here or to someone that you trust. It helps to know you aren't alone and the things you might be feeling aren't wrong. I would also suggest seeing a councilor. It's a safe place to just let it all hang out without fear of judgment or upsetting someone else.

It has been three years since I miscarried my little girl, and in the begiining I cried constantly, often with no warning. The weight on my chest seemed to suffocate me. But slowly, I found parts of myself lying around discarded and crumpled. But I was still there under the grief and so will you be. You will be changed by it, opened by it, but you will recover in increments so small sometimes you won't even notice them until you look back and see how far you've come.








Emily


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