# question about a baby who doesnt like to cuddle



## sesa70 (May 12, 2006)

Hello!

This is my first time posting on this forum, usually I hang out in the special needs and adoption forums









I have a question about my 8 month old daughter. She seems to have a very independant spirit. She likes to be held but not cuddled. She seems mostly as happy playing by herself on the floor as she does in my arms or in a carrier. She is resistant to my attempts at cuddling too. She pushes me away often if I put my face too close to hers or if I hug her. She does this to my poor dh almost all the time, and I think it makes him sad







I know this is the age, but she does show a preference for me over my dh (and most other people) if I am holding her and he puts his arms out to her to pick her up she will turn away to stay with me.

She also doesnt make alot of eye contact. She will look at me, and she will touch my face but not tons. She rarely makes eye contact with dh.

That being said, she is generally a very happy baby. I have worn her in a sling/wrap/mt pretty much all the time since we brought her home at 3 days. I want to know if this non-cuddly behavior is just her personality or if maybe it might be more? All I have to compare is my older dd who has special needs but was always on the opposite end of the cuddle spectrum. She still loves to be held and cuddled and kissed, alot more than most kids she really craves that physical closeness. Maybe that is why I am so sensitive to my baby's independant nature?

Any insight would be appreciated.

Thanks!


----------



## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

My almost 9 month old will not be cuddled either. She loves to be held (if you are standing, forget it if you are sitting) but rarely likes to cuddle, only if she is very drosy and drifting off to sleep. If you need cuddle time, try it when baby is just falling asleep. She is way too busy now looking around and investigating to be held close.


----------



## quirkylayne (Sep 15, 2005)

.


----------



## Throkmorton (Jun 30, 2003)

8mos might be a little early for an autism eval. I mean, be alert for the symptoms and all, but IME, it is a little early to be concerned over autism as most specialists (that i know of, things may have changed) won't even look for an evaluation until 18 months.

DS was not a snuggler. He slept better on his own, preferred the baby gym to mommy's arms, and screamed at anything confining (swaddling, the swing, the infant car seat...) Actually, he is more likely to want to snuggle now, at 4 years old, than he ever was as an infant.

So I would say, at this point it is probably just a personality trait.


----------



## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

My 7 month grandson is like that. He likes to be held, but not cuddle and will not cuddle or rock to sleep at all. He has to be laid in the crib, or he just won't go to sleep. He likes to sit or lay on the floor and play and will interact with us, but rarely no snuggles. It's hard not to have a cuddler, but what can you do?


----------



## sesa70 (May 12, 2006)

thanks for the advise everyone. Glad my dd isnt the only non cuddler!

I think it stand out to me because my older dd is such a cuddler and still is. I guess I should be happy I have at least one!


----------



## Meg_s (Apr 13, 2006)

my 9 month old ds is like that...he's always needed to be held, but HATES to snuggle or cuddle. He'll squirm and complain until you put him down (then he'll want back up) or until you start to DO something. DH and I are hoping the next one is snuggly


----------



## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

My 11 month old son isn't very cuddly either. He's always soooo interested in other things, and wants to crawl, stand up, pull books from the shelves, shred magazines ( he's doing that as I type







) that cuddling just isn't an option most of the time. Like you, I've worn him in a sling since he was born, and he still loves "sling time", which happens while we go for walks, or to the grocery store or mall. Maybe they get enough close time with Mama while they're in the sling, and that's why they aren't interested in cuddling at other times? I know DS is just very independent, and its been hard to get Grandma and other family to accept this. They try to hold him "like a baby"







but he fusses and squirms, and I feel like I'm talking to a little kid who doesn't leave kittens or puppies alone, and I have to REMIND them to put DS down and let him crawl. Don't worry about your little one. I'm sure she's just fine


----------



## gr33nie (Mar 16, 2006)

I would not WORRY but keep a watchful eye. If my DS is awake and alert (he is 9 months) he is not really into cuddling. He wants to know that I am right there and he enjoys being tickled and held but I wouldn't say that he wants to be cuddled all the time. It's only when he is really sleepy that he snuggles in. He sleeps in a twin bed next to our queen and for naps I nurse him lying down and that is a really nice cuddle time for us.

As far as the eye contact goes. I am pretty 100% sure that my DS is not autistic but he has never liked to make eye contact with the person who is holding him and I guess has only brief periods of eye contact during play. IMO when people talk about kids who are autistic not making eye contact they are talking about an age when they are able to converse and will not make eye contact while conversing with you.

Your DD sounds pretty typical to me. Just watch for developmental milestones or if you have a feeling that 'something is not right'.

hth!


----------



## loewymartin (Mar 23, 2004)

I could have written your post. I have a 4 year old DD who is the biggest cuddler going. Always wants to just hang out and cuddle.

My youngest DD however was never a cuddler. If I tried to give her a hug for more than a second or so she would push me away







Even if she was hurt and I was trying to comfort her she would straight-arm me and push me away.

She will be 1 next week, and in the last week or so I've noticed a big change. She will not only let me hug her, but she will waddle over, give me a hug and then go back to doing whatever it was she was doing. When I lift her up she gives me a quick squeeze too. I don't think she will be a "sit on the couch and cuddle for an hour" kid like my first DD, but I do think she's finally coming around to the idea of hugs







I'd take a wait and see approach. Watch for additional signs, but I think your DC may grow out of it like mine seems to be doing.


----------

