# Boy with long hair?



## SarahElizabeth (Mar 26, 2009)

Cutting DSs hair is something me and DP are quite against. We've always said it would be his choice when he is older, unless it became incredibly difficult to manage (which it's not - cute little curls and he loves having it combed) ...

So why can no one just let it be?









I live quite far from my parents and siblings, and recently visited for a week with DS. My father paid for us a professional photoshoot (me, ds, and my 5 siblings) as he was out of the country for my visit and wanted a nice picture of us all. He told me today that he has refused to pay for the photos as "I don't want to see my grandson looking like a girl."









I put up with many snide remarks from my brother, too. At least once a day he said to me, or my son, "Shall we cut his hair? Wouldn't it be cute to have a photo of him in the barbers?"

He is only a year old. I love his hair. I don't understand. So many people are telling me that he will end up with "gender confusion", which makes absolutely no sense to me (DP - who is DSs father - has longer hair than me!) and long haired men aren't exactly rare.

Strangers comment on it, too.

I just don't know what to do. Should it be getting me this down? I'm getting tempted to just cut it all off so that people will shut up. Or would they just find something else to harp on about?

(Sorry this is so long, and thank you if you read it all







)

A picture, for reference (Not a good one, but the most recent I have on this computer)
http://i42.tinypic.com/23w49op.jpg


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## Ambystoma (Mar 26, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SarahElizabeth* 
Cutting DSs hair is something me and DP are quite against. We've always said it would be his choice when he is older, unless it became incredibly difficult to manage (which it's not - cute little curls and he loves having it combed) ...

This is exactly what DH and I have decided to do with our son. I think long hair (and short hair as well depending on the cut) is sweet on little boys. My DH usually has longer hair as well but has it slightly shorter since he's been doing a desk job until I graduate and he can be a SAHP. I always joke that I think men are meant to have long hair and beards and that they all look better that way







.

And your son is adorable! (Meanwhile as an aside...I would not have even thought he was a girl based on his hair-that's actually more "boyish" looking...not that it should matter either way).

I think that sometimes our parents feel out of control when we make such different parenting choices that they end up grasping at something they feel they could convince us to do, ie: cut his hair. Then, they focus on this for whatever reason.

I'm sorry you're dealing with irritation from your family, and really, hostility from your dad. I'm sure many other mamas have already dealt with this and can give you advice, etc. I just wanted to commiserate and tell you I think it's wonderful that you let him decide his hair, and he is a cutie! Don't cut it unless YOU or HE wants to.


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## annamama (Sep 23, 2005)

My 5 yr. old son has longer hair too. It was halfway down his back, but now he wears it shoulder length. He has a mass of blonde curls that beg to be left alone. He is also mistakenly identified as a girl occassionally.
I'm all in favour of telling people to keep their noses out and indeed, we have done this constantly because he happens to agree with us and doesn't want his hair any shorter than it is.

One thing I would say is that you might be approaching this in a way that leaves you exposed to reaction from older members of the family.
By insisting that it's his decision to wear his hair like that and it's not a choice you want to make for him, you're implying to them that you're not able to make a decision about it - hence the pestering, because they DO absolutely feel like they are able to make a choice for him and would like to run him to the barbers immediately.

Change your tact - 'we like his hair this way', 'yes it's lovely and long', 'those curls are fab, aren't they?' 'No, we wouldn't dream of cutting those curls off'...etc
It might not stop the constant dripping, but at least you're saying clearly that it's your choice that your son wears his hair like that and that should he at any time indicate any other preference, he can do what he likes to it.

My MIL dripped and dripped about ds' hair, until she got the message that we were following the very same 'my child, my rules' message that she lived by


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## wednesday2004 (May 22, 2005)

I have two boys. With the first, my mom would be after me to cut it all the time, a few times she snuck off and had it cut when she was babysitting. Eventually she got over it and at one point he had his hair down to his waist. He cut it since then but now with my second one no one says anything. He's almost four and has hair down to the bottom of his shoulder blades. I have no plans on cutting it. I'm 1/4 Native American too so if anyone is persistent in their comments I just mention that, it's mostly because I just like long hair though.


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## liberal_chick (May 22, 2005)

His hair isn't even what I'd consider long! (And he is adorable, BTW!)

My ds1 wore his hair long for quite a while and I thought I'd never hear the end of it. And strangers, OMG, he'd be wearing obviously boy clothes and I'd get told constantly what a pretty girl he was.

We did eventually cut it shorter, but only b/c ds expressed that he wanted it done (he was 3.5).

Don't let it bother you! I think it is precious.







:


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## AAK (Aug 12, 2004)

Ok, I know that answers will vary depending on geographic location, but I think your son looks adorable. He doesn't look "like a girl", but if you dressed him in a dress he would pass as one (girls at one don't really have "long" hair yet--often it is just the dress that tells the world that "hey i am a girl").

I our area, there are a lot of boys with long hair. With some, it is difficult to tell gender. But really, who cares. We also have lots of girls with short hair. And, with some of them, it is hard to tell the gender.

If I had a son, my parents would want me to keep the hair short too. My mom tries to tell me how to keep my daughters' hair also. They are nosy and controlling. If I had a son with cute curls, I would keep them until A: he didn't want them or B: keeping it brushed was difficult. I would trim it enough to keep it out of his eyes. But, right now I have 3 dds and I hate brushing hair. If I had a son with straight hair, I would probably keep it cut--maybe even buzzed for the summer.

I think your dad is being ridiculous! This is your child, your decision. And yes, people will butt in regardless. If you were to cut it next week, you would have a handful of people commenting, "but why did you cut it, it was soooo cute". Seriously, you can't please them all!

Amy


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

My oldest has long hair and I've dealt with a lot of comments from people, but we're keeping it long until he wants it cut. He's almost 5 and wants it long so we're keeping it that way. I braid it to make it easier to manage (however many braids he wants. Some days it's one and some days it's 5) and trim the ends if it starts getting super tangly.

I try just to ignore people's comments. It is annoying, especially when it's coming from family. People are so weird when anyone goes against the current trends.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

DS has long, slightly blonde hair that falls past his soldiers. His hair is fine and curls at the ends. It has never been cut but it has been trimmed a bit. He gets mistaken for a girl quite a bit, even when wearing clothes that are considered "boy clothes." I gently correct people and that's that.

Hair is hair







We do plan on getting it styled or layered soon, just to give it more shape and to get it out of his eyes. If he ever expresses a desire to cut it off the of course we'll let him. For now though it's staying long!







People are free to make comments but I'll be ignoring the negative ones.

I'm sorry you're having such negative reactions from your family. I don't blame you for letting them get to ya. Just do what you think is right for your child and what feels right for you.


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

My first thought is "That's long?!?!"

I have 2 DS, and they both go through stages of having long hair. Family has given us a hard time, and when they were smaller, I think both caved to the pressure. But now, they do what they want. And you should too, because I have found, if it isn't the long hair, the family is dissatisfied with something else. They always find something to gripe about.

Good luck!


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

My ds caden has same hairstyle as your ds and my mum and sister (especially my mum) always feel the need to comment about him needing a haircut my mum even said to caden that he needed his hair cutting







i think your ds has lovely hair and so does mine







.

i stupidly listened to the comments about cameron's hair being too long and got it cut and now it sticks up because the hairdresser made a mess of it, so now i've decided i'm going to just leave his hair to grow.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

My ds is 8 and has really long hair. We get sick of the comments that *everyone* makes. It's his hair, and no, he's not a girl. People just need to get over it. Wish I had advice for you, but I think he looks cute!


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

omg, he's only 1yo and it isnt even long. your family has obvious issues. LOL

my ds1 had tangly fine curls so he got a haircut a bit under a yr, but ds2 had curls that didtn tangle and his hair was just at hsi shoulders when i cut it. it wasnt long on top though, sort of a baby mullet LOL i only cut it at 23 mos bc my butthead stbxdh told me if i didnt do it he would have it done and it would be short. i just snipped off the curls at the bottom of his earlobes, but it killed me to hav eto do it.


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## katiesk (Nov 6, 2007)

i love it! i love little boys with nice long curly hair!


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Don't cut it because of other people. Your DS looks adorable and really his hair isn't even that long yet.

I agree with PP who said instead of saying you're leaving it up to him start saying how much you like it. How YOU love it and YOU think it suits him.

I think your Dad was being a UAV by refusing the pictures.

Honestly, when I was reading your post I started off thinking your DS must be 3 or 4yo but at a year old it's so not uncommon for kids to not have their haircut! I cut DS1 hair just before he turned 12mo and I so regretted cutting off those gorgeous little curls. Not only that, it made him look like a 'big boy' and I missed my baby!!!


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## sdbeachy (Aug 14, 2009)

Perhaps I should start a new thread for this, but I'm interested in people's viewpoints on autonomy/bodily respect and haircutting for children too young to express a preference. Our son is 13 months, and my husband has mentioned trimming his hair a few times. I'm not sure what I think.

I see sort of a spectrum of bodily autonomy and appearance choices:
1. Face washing: I do this whether my son wants it or not (gently, quickly, playfully, but I still do it)
2. Clothing: I try to give a choice of 2 or three shirts or whatever, but mostly I choose (he's 13 months and doesn't seem to care much)
3. Baby ear piercing: I'd personally never do it, and think it's kind of sad, but it's not the end of the world either.
4. Circumcision: NEVER NEVER NEVER

Where does hair cutting fit for you?


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sdbeachy* 
Perhaps I should start a new thread for this, but I'm interested in people's viewpoints on autonomy/bodily respect and haircutting for children too young to express a preference. Our son is 13 months, and my husband has mentioned trimming his hair a few times. I'm not sure what I think.

I see sort of a spectrum of bodily autonomy and appearance choices:
1. Face washing: I do this whether my son wants it or not (gently, quickly, playfully, but I still do it)
2. Clothing: I try to give a choice of 2 or three shirts or whatever, but mostly I choose (he's 13 months and doesn't seem to care much)
3. Baby ear piercing: I'd personally never do it, and think it's kind of sad, but it's not the end of the world either.
4. Circumcision: NEVER NEVER NEVER

Where does hair cutting fit for you?

Hair cutting for me falls almost with face washing. I don't mind long hair, but I think shorter hair is easier to deal with and cleaner (no long hair falling into food, dirt whatever) also because most children seem to be against hair brushing, wearing clips etc it's just easier to manage. I have two boys, but I think even if I had a girl she would have a short bob with a fringe (bangs) because it's just easier for everyone. DS1 who is 4yo hates having haircuts and wants to grow his hair long, unfortunately he also hates having his hair washed or brushed so for now we're sticking with short hair.

ETA: For me cutting hair is no different to cutting nails. I wouldn't let my kids nails grow because they couldn't tell me if they wanted them cut or not yet. Cutting hair is not something permanent. Circumcision, ear piercing, they leave scars - hair always grows back. My feelings on hair is like my feelings on clothes, once they are old enough to care then they are old enough to make the decision about it, but before that I choose what they wear and I choose how to cut their hair etc.


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

Your boy is adorable, and he looks like a boy to me.

My boy is 9 now, and he has long hair to his waist. Plus he's really pretty.
He's had hair like that since he was little, except for one time when he was 5 and wanted it short.
I got then, and still get, all sorts of flak about his hair. Even from men with long hair; what kind of double standard is that??

My mom even used to say things to DS when she thought I wasn't in earshot, like "Don't you want your hair cut?" and "You ought to get your hair cut". Oh, gods, I used to get so heated up about that. Like, don't EVEN go all covert on me behind my back, with my little boy.
He used to go commando, too, and I heard her telling him (at about age 3 or 4) "Everybody should wear underwear". I was passing the room. I said "WHY should everybody wear underwear?" She didn't have an answer, except "They just should". Um...that's a wise, well-thought-out answer, Mom.

Stand your ground, mama. Don't let the...um, turkeys (UAVs







) get you down. If you don't feel confident, act as if. Motivation follows action. Just say, very firmly, something like "This is how we do it in my family. Let it _go_. If you don't want to wear your hair long, then don't, but this is _my_ child and we'll do it _our_ way. Respectfully stay out of it, please."

It'll take a lot, but they'll eventually stop. Maybe. But even if they don't, you'll sleep better at night knowing you did what you think best, and stood up to them.


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## zoebugsmom (Jan 19, 2004)

His hair isn't even that long! People can be such jerks. My older ds had long hair until he was 3.5 when he asked for his first hair cut. Some one called him a little princess and that was that- he was sick of people thinking he was a girl and asked to cut off his hair. Younger ds- currently 1.5- won't get a haircut unil he asks, too.

It's funny, we never got negative comments from strangers- it was always from family, particularly my conservative, boys must look like boys brother.







Acquaintances/friends would just ask why we left it long and then say, "oh, cool." Any way, just ignore the snarky comments. Or better yet, tell the people saying them that they're being incredibly rude and overstepping their boundaries because they are desperately in need of a reminder of how they should act.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

If it makes you feel any better my DH has had long hair off and on his entire life.
Quite long, past his shoulders often. There is no gender confusion there! Frankly and maybe I am wrong but being confused about your gender because of your hair sounds rather ridiculous to me


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Dude, your son doesn't even look like a girl!

Another person who knows plenty of males with long hair who have no gender confusion (and judging by the picture that includes me).

I would just come up with a standard, repetitive statement about girls/women with short hair looking being confused about gender or something. Hair is someones personal preference and has no bearing on gender.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

My 4 and a half year old has very, very long hair. When soaking wet, it's well past his butt. It's a bit shorter when dry, because it dries into big cork screw curls in the back. We originally let it grow because it was cute, but at around 18 months, we started talking about getting it cut. However, though ds couldn't talk, he would run away crying anytime it was mentioned. He loves his hair and even though caring for it is not fun, I could never see cutting it against his wishes.

Anyhow, he's regularly mistaken for a girl. It doesn't seem to bother him. I don't usually correct people unless it's likely we'll see them again, and I've never heard him correct people (but he still doesn't talk much). My older kids get a bit offended for him when people make that assumption, though.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Gender confusion? From long hair? Seriously?

DS1 had long hair as a child. He decided to cut it just before he started 7th grade, at which time it was almost down to his bum. He occasionally had people think he was a girl. _He_ knew he was a boy. He's certainly never gone through any kind of gender confusion at all. People get way too uptight about hair.

And, I'd probably raise a stink if my dad pulled a stunt like that. If someone offers to pay for a professional photo shoot, any "I'm only paying if you look the way I think you should" conditions need to be attached ahead of time. Your dad was/is out of line. I'm sorry he was so mean to your son (although I hope he didn't say anything directly).

You know, dh was a bit concerned about how his parents would react when they met ds1 (his stepson). They're very conservative, politically and socially, and don't agree with long hair on boys. He had long hair when they met him, and he didn't cut it until about four years later. They never said a negative word about it - not to me, not to dh, and not to ds1. I suspect they were quite relieved when he finally got it cut, but they didn't choose to be offensive about it, because...it's _his_ hair, after all.

This whole topic makes me nuts. There were boys and men with long hair around when I was a very small child, and I was born in '68. This isn't something new...


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

On the bodily autonomy thing... it's interesting when it comes to boys, because while leaving the hair long is the biological default, cutting it is (in most Western places) the cultural default. So neither is exactly "neutral" - letting it grow longer is kind of othering the kid, while cutting it is doing something to his body without his permission.

Of course, you could say the same about circ in some parts of the world. But personally, given that hair grows back and it isn't damaging/mutilating/permanent to give a boy a haircut, I don't think I'd consider it a moral issue for my son. (If I had one, I mean!) Just as I wouldn't consider it a moral issue to trim his fingernails. He'd be fairly unlikely to _suffer_ from a haircut given before the age he could make a vaguely informed consent for one. After that age, I'd almost certainly go by his preference, just because I have traumatic forced-haircut memories from childhood.

This said, I had a very embarrassing experience working at a kindy once where I mistook a braid-wearing boy for a girl. For months. And kindly corrected another child who was calling "her" a boy. And eventually mentioned to his mother what a lovely girl he was. She gave me a filthy look, and the boy got a haircut a week later. I still feel bad about this, but you _could not tell_! So... be aware that kind of thing might happen!


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Learning_Mum* 
Hair cutting for me falls almost with face washing. I don't mind long hair, but I think shorter hair is easier to deal with and cleaner (no long hair falling into food, dirt whatever) also because most children seem to be against hair brushing, wearing clips etc it's just easier to manage. I have two boys, but I think even if I had a girl she would have a short bob with a fringe (bangs) because it's just easier for everyone. DS1 who is 4yo hates having haircuts and wants to grow his hair long, unfortunately he also hates having his hair washed or brushed so for now we're sticking with short hair.

ETA: For me cutting hair is no different to cutting nails. I wouldn't let my kids nails grow because they couldn't tell me if they wanted them cut or not yet. Cutting hair is not something permanent. Circumcision, ear piercing, they leave scars - hair always grows back. My feelings on hair is like my feelings on clothes, once they are old enough to care then they are old enough to make the decision about it, but before that I choose what they wear and I choose how to cut their hair etc.

This. My son and my daughter's hair is both pin straight and fine, and....short. His hair is very short, hers is in a chin length bob with bangs because she refuses to wear clips, hairbands, or ponytail holders, and hates having it brushed. When they are old enough to care for it well, and if they want it long, I'm totally cool. But for now when I'm the one mostly maintaining it, I'm gonna do what's easiest for me, since it *does* grow back. I don't mind long hair on boys at all if it's curls, or all one length and straight, but I will admit that I am not a fan of the super-pro-looking-styled shag cuts on boys.


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## Happiestever (May 13, 2007)

I myself like short hair - DH shaves his head and my son loves looking like daddy (crew cut) but that's all there is to it. If you like it then by all means leave it alone. Tell others to MYOB. I cut dd's hait short too bc she hates having it brushed, so I am not one to question besides how to get them to suffer through the untangling process.


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## kittykat2481 (Nov 7, 2008)

Ok, I prefer short hair for my son (and husband). I keep my son's hair long enough on top to spike it or do a fauxhawk. Having said that, I don't think your son's hair is *too long* at all right now, especially given that he's just a baby! And if you decide to let it get really long, then I suppose that's your (and your partner's) perogative - just like I get to decide to keep my son's hair short. I would find it really hurtful that your dad doesn't want a picture of your son - regardless of his hair style or what he looks like. I'm really sorry they're being so mean about it. If all they did was gently encourage you cut it, it still might not be *right* but it wouldn't be as bad as what they're doing.









By the way, your son is freaking adorable, and I would love to run my fingers through those curls! (My son didn't have curly hair, or I probably would have put off cutting it longer.)


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
On the bodily autonomy thing... it's interesting when it comes to boys, because while leaving the hair long is the biological default, cutting it is (in most Western places) the cultural default. So neither is exactly "neutral" - *letting it grow longer is kind of othering the kid,* while cutting it is doing something to his body without his permission.

To the bolded, I don't really think I would considering 'othering the kid'. Long hair on boys is not 'default' so to speak, but it is quite often normal. Especially in relation the the "long hair" the OP's ds has. The quotes being because I don't really consider that long hair.

We haven't cut DS's hair yet, it's shorter than a good portion of the boys we come into contact that are around his age.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I think he looks gorgeous!









I don't know what to say or do about your family. I guess you can't do anything about comments, but let them know it is not up for discussion.

My mom gets on to me sometimes to cut my son's hair, and he has had a few trims to keep it manageable, but we do not want to cut it short.

Here's a pic for gratuitous baby cuteness
http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b1...brodiedoor.jpg


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

"Gratuitous baby cuteness" is my new favourite phrase.









OP: I just actually clicked on your link. On what planet does that "look like a girl"?? He's adorable.


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

Honestly I'm kind of anti long hair on boys for the most part, but when I looked at your picture, I think he looks very cute. That to me isn't long. I expected him to have like, long flowing down his back hair or something. I am surprised that people would make a big deal over that type of length of hair on a little baby boy! He doesn't look like a girl at all. Not even a little bit. Most kids that I have seen that age don't get their first hair cut yet.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Quote:

To the bolded, I don't really think I would considering 'othering the kid'. Long hair on boys is not 'default' so to speak, but it is quite often normal. Especially in relation the the "long hair" the OP's ds has. The quotes being because I don't really consider that long hair.
Depends where you live, I guess. In my town long hair on boys is relatively uncommon... although not _that_ length of hair on a baby _that_ age, which would be considered absolutely average. In a situation where the boy would be the ONLY long-haired boy in town, or even in his school, I think it could be othering; in a more mixed environment, less so. I do remember at school in my area one kid was known as "the kid with the long hair" - then again, I doubt that scarred him for life.







It was considered unusual, though.


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## Bluegoat (Nov 30, 2008)

I would not consider cutting my child's hair invading their bodily autonomy in a bad way, any more than other bodily care I give them. If my child was against it I would avoid it but not if I had a good reason to cut it.


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## henny penny (Mar 26, 2008)

He has beautiful hair and is adorable!!!!







And like others said he's only 1 year old (still a baby for goodness sake)! My ds has gorgeous blond ringlet curls and at 2 1/2 he's only had one trim in the front. People LOVE his hair. Yes, at times he looks like a wild child but we get nothing but compliments and smiles. Ask your family to back off the issue and leave the decision to you. And you are right, if it wasn't this it would be something else......








Good Luck!

eta: I live in a rural, very conservative area and get only positive comments about ds's hair. I'm puzzled by all the negative comments you get......


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *eclipse* 
and even though caring for it is not fun


Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
when I'm the one mostly maintaining it, I'm gonna do what's easiest for me


Quote:


Originally Posted by *henny penny* 
Yes, at times he looks like a wild child

OK...must be me, but I never bothered brushing or messing with my DS's hair, when he was little, even when it was waist length









I mean, sometimes I brushed it, but I never made a big deal out of it. Now he's 9 I do make him brush it, or I will brush it (and he _hates_ that, but I give him choices: have it brushed, cut it, or wear it up/in braids/get dreads). But never when he was little. I don't know why. I'm just not much of one for caring whether little kids look uber-groomed, since they just get messy again anyway. Same for washing faces. I only washed his face when we were going out, or at bedtime. Otherwise, if we were home, I pretty much left it alone through the day.

So color me slobby


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Good grief. I know tons of boys with long hair (significantly longer than your ds's). Tell the naysayers, firmly, that this is not up for discussion. When they try to butt in repeat: "This is our choice and it is not up for discussion." Refuse to engage in a discussion on the merits of the topic.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maiasaura* 
OK...must be me, but I never bothered brushing or messing with my DS's hair, when he was little, even when it was waist length









I mean, sometimes I brushed it, but I never made a big deal out of it. Now he's 9 I do make him brush it, or I will brush it (and he _hates_ that, but I give him choices: have it brushed, cut it, or wear it up/in braids/get dreads). But never when he was little. I don't know why. I'm just not much of one for caring whether little kids look uber-groomed, since they just get messy again anyway. Same for washing faces. I only washed his face when we were going out, or at bedtime. Otherwise, if we were home, I pretty much left it alone through the day.

So color me slobby









Well, my youngest son's hair turns into big rats nests in the back. It doesn't look messy, it looks dirty and uncared for, you know? I don't do a full on comb out every day, because it would be torture and because his hair is impossible to comb dry because of the curls and we don't wash every day. About once a week, though, we slather on copius amounts of conditioner, put on a distracting kids' movie, and spend the hour or so that it takes to comb it end to end and get all the tangles out.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smokering* 
Depends where you live, I guess. In my town long hair on boys is relatively uncommon... although not _that_ length of hair on a baby _that_ age, which would be considered absolutely average. In a situation where the boy would be the ONLY long-haired boy in town, or even in his school, I think it could be othering; in a more mixed environment, less so. I do remember at school in my area one kid was known as "the kid with the long hair" - then again, I doubt that scarred him for life.







It was considered unusual, though.

I doubt it scarred him for life too.







I know someone who had a mullet growing up and he turned out just find (for the most part).


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

OP--he's CUTE and he does NOT look like a girl!









I'm with the person who said the 1st haircut makes them look like a "big boy."

I let DH cut DS2's hair a few months ago. He's made a few comments recently that he should do it again. So far, my "mama veto" to keep the baby curls has won out.









It really did make him look bigger. Now it's grown back and he looks more "baby" again and I *like* it









So...so far it's being left alone. It is CUTE.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Don't cut it just because of the pressure from other people.

We didn't/don't cut our boys' hair until they request it. That meant my younger son didn't get a cut at all until he was 3.5. And we heard lots of comments, some were fairly innocent, some were downright mean. It's ridiculous that a little boy's hairstyle can cause such a reaction.

I just tell people my kids' hair is up to them, it's not a choice I'm going to make for my child.

Your son is adorable!

Here's my son a few months before we cut his hair. I still think he looks all boy, but people (even now, 5 months after the cut) tell me he looked so much like a girl and now looks like a boy.


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## mamaofthree (Jun 5, 2002)

oh for goodness sake, it's hair! i like what a pp said about saying how you like it and instead of saying when he wants it cut we will cut it. he may love his long lovely curls his whole life, will your father never have a picture of him because he has long hair. what a $#@!%^. honestly that is something i would talk to my dad about. that is inexcusable. i don't care what the kid looks like it is their grandchild. if he is going to be that picky now and the boy is only one... what will happen in the next 20 years? as for your brother, i would tell him to mind his own business.
i think your son looks sweet. who cares what they think. all of my boys (all the ones old enough to actually have hair. lol) have had long hair. ds#2 has the most lovely long past the shoulder length wavy hair. he wants to grow it to his feet. lol i say "more power to you" it is hair grow it, cut it, dye it, it can all be changed back to something else eventually. ds#1 has grown his hair out a few times, and what always makes him cut it is stupid comments that he looks like a girl, now he is pretty and has lovely lashes, but he is a BOY. and he looks it with long hair or short.
and it wasn't too long ago that men all wore their hair long in this country. so go figure. i don't bow down to social pressure.
let his hair be.









h


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
Don't cut it just because of the pressure from other people.

We didn't/don't cut our boys' hair until they request it.









Except replace boy's with "children's" for us. DD decided to get her's cut at 3.75 (for preschool) and DS at 2.75 (for a wedding). They were both bothered by people calling DS a girl, though, from a very young age. He is very sweet looking, though, with long eyelashes. He sometimes gets called a girl when he has short hair too.

That said, for the OP, right now your DS, IMO, just has *hair*. If he was older, I would consider him to have short hair (as it's not below his collar/shoulders). Since he's so young, I would just assume he hadn't had a hair cut. DS' hair was much straighter so significantly past his shoulders.

I don't know what religion you are, but if you are Christian I would be tempted to say that I was not cutting DS' hair just like Mary didn't cut Jesus' hair







Really, though, that would be just to get people off my back.

For us, I just said, "We all like it." PERIOD.


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## bluebirdiemama (May 2, 2008)

He still looks like a baby to me! I think these people are crazy... sorry. But if you don't want to cut it,then don't!!!He's your baby. Not sociaties' baby, or the families' baby.


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## damona (Mar 27, 2008)

both my oldest and youngest sons have long hair. the 2 in the middle prefer theirs buzzed short. *shrugs* it's their heads. i learned long ago to pick my battles and hair is just not an important battle to me!

my 5 year old has hair that is dark blond, wavy, and nearly to his waist. it never fails to amaze me that people ask me how old my "daughter" is or what "she" would like or whatever. i dress him in jeans or sweatpants, usually dark colours, and, if we are out, i usually pull his hair back in a low ponytail. to me, he looks like a very boy-ish boy. my in-laws give me grief about it every time we see them. it's insanely aggravating. it's just hair, and it's how he likes it! argh!

my oldest says that kids at school have teased him and told him he's "pretty" but he just tells them he likes it and it's his decision and he's keeping it that way. they've pretty much backed off now, b/c he just doesn't let it get to him. his hair is dark blond, straight as a pin, and just to his shoulders.

i told both of them that if they want it long, they have to keep it clean and let me brush out the snarls every couple days, and there have been no problems with that.

so, yeah, just tell people that it's how you and/or your ds like it, and they can all go take a flying leap


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## _ktg_ (Jul 11, 2008)

OP: my DS1 has similar length hair to your DS. Its not long at all - (he's so cute!!)

To me - hair is hair and its a choice. Of course if your DS likes it that way - its fine! Mine lets us know if he wants a haircut and how short (he's 3 1/2) he wants it, of course he does hate having it brushed and detangled but we just explain it will be fast and overwith quickly - he has curly, fine hair.

I would have been frustrated if pictures were refused, that's just uncalled for and I would have more to say except it would be a UAV


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## Landover (Oct 12, 2007)

Don't cut it just because others want you to cut it. But, I also would not go into the whole... "we are letting him choose" thing because some folks just won't understand this and they will continue to pester you because they think *that* is weird more then the long hair.

For us, hair cutting is just part of grooming since I don't want to deal with it. I have one daughter now with longer hair and I am willing to deal with it on her because those bows are really stinking cute.









I will say though, not to offend anyone, that DS has a kiddo on his t-ball team with long, straight hair with bangs. It is poker straight and half way down is back. I feel so sorry for this kid. It took the other 4 year olds days to figure out that he was not a girl, and he is CONSTANTLY telling people he is a boy. Every time he goes up to bat the other team or any visiting relatives from our team make remarks such as... "it is so cute they let a girl play." His dad has long hair and so does his older brother so I think it is a family requirement.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Landover* 
deal with it on her because those bows are really stinking cute.









I will say though, not to offend anyone, that DS has a kiddo on his t-ball team with long, straight hair with bangs. It is poker straight and half way down is back. I feel so sorry for this kid. It took the other 4 year olds days to figure out that he was not a girl, and he is CONSTANTLY telling people he is a boy. Every time he goes up to bat the other team or any visiting relatives from our team make remarks such as... "it is so cute they let a girl play." His dad has long hair and so does his older brother so I think it is a family requirement.









or, it could be that all the boys just want to look like their dad. Seriously, though, don't feel sorry for the kid unless it seems likee being mistaken for a girl really bothers him, and you really believe that his parents won't let him cut his hair. I would say that 100% of the time, kids who meet my son assume he's a girl. About 95% of adults do the same. It bothers my son so little, that I've never heard him correct anyone. He doesn't see being a girl as something in anyway negative, so he doesn't care if people are wrong about that. He's much more likely to get offended if someone thinks he's younger than he is (he's pretty tiny, and his speech isn't clear, so people tend to assume he's much younger than he is) or offended if someone mis hears his name and calls him something incorrect. My oldest son likes to let his hair grow long, and then cuts it the first time anyone mistakes him for a girl. He hates being mistaken for a girl more than his likes his hair long, which is fine too.


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## Landover (Oct 12, 2007)

Quote:

or, it could be that all the boys just want to look like their dad. Seriously, though, don't feel sorry for the kid unless it seems likee being mistaken for a girl really bothers him, and you really believe that his parents won't let him cut his hair. I would say that 100% of the time, kids who meet my son assume he's a girl. About 95% of adults do the same. It bothers my son so little, that I've never heard him correct anyone. He doesn't see being a girl as something in anyway negative, so he doesn't care if people are wrong about that. He's much more likely to get offended if someone thinks he's younger than he is (he's pretty tiny, and his speech isn't clear, so people tend to assume he's much younger than he is) or offended if someone mis hears his name and calls him something incorrect. My oldest son likes to let his hair grow long, and then cuts it the first time anyone mistakes him for a girl. He hates being mistaken for a girl more than his likes his hair long, which is fine too.
Yeah, that is what I meant. it obviously bothers this kiddo because he corrects them constantly. He always seems to whine it... "I'mmmm nnoooottt a GIRL!" Poor thing...

My son does not see anything wrong with girls, but he would certainly correct someone who called him a girl. It isn't about whether or not he thinks it is bad to be a girl, it is about the fact that he is *not* a girl.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

Well, it sounds like, for now at least, that kid likes his hair more than he dislikes being mistaken for a girl. (Unless, of course, his parents really won't let him cut it, which would be kind of weird. Although, I knew girls growing up whose parents wouldn't let them cut their hair, either. Those kids usually took to their hair with a dull pair of scissors on their own, though







)


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## beebalmmama (Jul 21, 2005)

My son's hair is very similar to yours. Although his didn't get quite that thick or long until he was closer to 2. I love the curls and rarely cut it, mainly just a trim at his eyes so he could see.

I think your family's comment are ridiculous. Especially your father refusing to pay for the picture like he offered. It's a picture of his grandson!!

I've had people comment on ds's hair too. Why is it that boys are "supposed" to have hair that isn't longer than an inch or so? I've always liked his hair a little longer because I think it makes him look his age.

We first got our son's haircut professionally this past year (he's now 4.5 yrs). It was becoming a bit unmaneagable because he wouldn't let me comb it daily. But the hairdresser went way shorter than we requested. It's like she was worried about leaving it too long, even though that is what we asked for (I even had pictures with us). Anyway it's almost back to the style it was with a few trimmings from me. Currently it's above his shirt and just over the tip of his ears and his grandpa recently said how he needed it cut and it looked like a girls?!! WTF! Must boys have it practically shaved to be appropriate?!
Ds likes his a little long and unless he changes his mind (or refuses to comb it, which is why we do trim it a bit) it will stay that way.

OP- don't listen to other people if you and your ds are happy with it.


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## Girlprof (Jun 11, 2007)

Good grief, it's hair. I agree with the people who recommend that you take ownership of the style of hair for a 13 month old. No way does he understand anything about hairstyles, but he's your baby and it's your choice. End of story.

I always look at boy-with-long-hair threads because our son has long hair. Frankly it did start out as "gender confusion" though I prefer to call it gender exploration. He wanted to be a girl/look like a girl when he was around 3 and started growing his hair. Check out some of the "My son wants to be a girl/wear a dress!" threads and look at how many of them are about 3 year olds. Very very normal for that age. However, I would venture that these issues are not on the table at 13 months, unless put there by adults who don't know much about child development.

Now our DS is six. He has beautiful long blond hair and it is definitely "othering" as someone called it, but that is *why* he likes it. Pretty much everyone at his elementary school knows him because there are only a few boys with long hair. He is often mistaken for a girl, but we all just correct that and move on. What's really cool is that it has given him a way to be special and set himself apart.


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## Gal (May 13, 2010)

If you don't want to cut your son's hair, don't do it! He's gorgeous by the way.

My dd's dad has long hair, and he's 57







I mean it's just hair, if I had a son that wanted to grow out his hair I would allow it and besides he's a baby and it looks pretty normal to me.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

I'm loving the long-haired boys! They're so adorable. All little boys are cute, but long-haired boys just tug a heart string









I'll keep my DSs hair long until they're old enough to decide for themselves and groom themselves. I just think it looks a lot better. Plus, my family has a strong gene of creating babies with gorgeous curly mops. Thankfully my whole family prefers males to have longer hair (dad was military and has grown his hair out since retiring, he loves it) so I'd only face nasty comments if I DID cut it!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Landover* 
I will say though, not to offend anyone, that DS has a kiddo on his t-ball team with long, straight hair with bangs. It is poker straight and half way down is back. I feel so sorry for this kid. It took the other 4 year olds days to figure out that he was not a girl, and he is CONSTANTLY telling people he is a boy. Every time he goes up to bat the other team or any visiting relatives from our team make remarks such as... "it is so cute they let a girl play." His dad has long hair and so does his older brother so I think it is a family requirement.









Why feel sorry for him? Is there some sign that it bothers him?

My ex had long hair. DS1 had long hair. DS1 didn't _want_ to cut his hair. He liked it like that. He worked through a period when people teased him a little, and he came through it just fine...and it was several more years before he decided to chop it off.

I just read your next post. DS1 would say "I'm not a girl", and corrected people. It didn't really bother him, though - ds1 corrected/corrects people about details all the time.


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