# Is this obnoxious?



## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

It is that season of preggy mamas in my large extended family once again. They are young, first time (very mainstream) moms expecting soon. Lots of baby showers coming up. So here's the question:

Is it terribly obnoxious / pushy for me to gift them my personal granola-in-training favorites like a carrier, pack of cloth diapers, and the Tummy-to-Tummy DVD or Attachment Parenting book?

Okay. I'm being selfish because I was to get preggy again, these are exactly what I'd want.

Looking for suggestions from experienced gifters.
TIA,
May


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## Pyrodjm (Jan 9, 2007)

I think simple to use carriers like ergos and pouches make great shower gifts for non-crunchy mams. I like to give it with Dr. Sear's baby book.


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## hippiechickinsing (Jan 13, 2007)

Gosh, I hope it's not obnoxious! I've given baby wraps before, mainly because I found a cool one and thought I'd share. I've also given the Dr. Sears book. It never occurred to me that someone would think I was trying to influence their parenting. Of course, these are all gifts that I'd like, too, so I guess I'm biased anyways.


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

I don't think it's obnoxious. I almost always give an AP book and/or a carrier.


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## UmmIbrahim (Feb 16, 2007)

Well, it depends...

I think a non-crunchy carrier would work...an Ergo, Patapum, perhaps a Kozy Mei Tai or a ringsling/adjustable pouch would work great, stress their versitility.

Id nix the cloth diapers-CDing is scary for alot of people, and they might go to waste or be used as burp cloths (good, but kinda a waste of $$ considering how much decent prefolds cost!)

The AP book...hmm, i donno...maybe, maybe not. Some AP books are really pushy and make you feel that you HAVE to do eerything AP to be considere AP'ing. Im not totally into AP per se, more into parenting according to what my husband and I feel is right-in our hearts and not according to our culture...but even then, some of the stuff ive read in the AP books makes me feel like im not quite good enough.
LOL...

I really think thou a carrier would be a GREAT idea!!!

I gave a quality jersey wrap 2 a friend...hopefully it'll be a gateway carrier becos shes LOVING it w/ her newborn. Im giving a RS to my sister whose expecting-she loves how easy it is for me to get around sans stroller using my carriers and at her babyshower I showed her friend who has a newborn how to use a RS.

Umm Ibi


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Sometimes people just dont know hun!....so spread your knowledge on the matter!!!... I mean, you call them 'mainstream'...but perhaps they are not mainstream by choice!....I only learned about AP _after_ my son was born and wish I had friends like you around before I even got pregnant! hehe

_I think simple to use carriers like ergos and pouches make great shower gifts for non-crunchy mams. I like to give it with Dr. Sear's baby book._

That sounds like a great idea!.... And though its not really the same, I even give wooden toys as gifts to others children. They get the idea that what I would like as well - and I feel good that I also doing something good - subjecting my lifestyle on others in a....good way! lol


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## hubris (Mar 8, 2003)

I think I'd go with an Attached to Baby gift card, tucked into a copy of The Baby Book.







ATB carries sooo many different types of carriers that they could find something that suits them, but you'd definitely be exposing them to the wonders of babywearing.


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## amberskyfire (Sep 15, 2007)

I think slings are great for moms who are non-crunchy. Even mainstream moms are getting into them now and if they just have one on hand, they are more likely to use it than if they didn't have one or didn't know about it. Besides that, a lot of mainstream women are getting into them now because of all of the celebrities using them recently.


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
I think simple to use carriers like ergos and pouches make great shower gifts for non-crunchy mams. I like to give it with Dr. Sear's baby book.

Thats what I was thinking. You don't want to turn them off, but introducing them to crunchiness would be good.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hubris* 
I think I'd go with an Attached to Baby gift card, tucked into a copy of The Baby Book.







ATB carries sooo many different types of carriers that they could find something that suits them, but you'd definitely be exposing them to the wonders of babywearing.

I second this. I did exactly this for a client of mine. Unfortunately I never heard from her again (no thank you, nothing) but I still felt good giving that gift, since she could find SOMETHING she liked there!


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Thank you! Very reassuring suggestions. I guess I should've added that I felt weird giving my crunchy-minded gifts because my BIL joked, "so what kinda granola gifts are you going to send so-and-so?"







:
I gave an Ergo w/The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD to my cousin but she has used very little of both.

The carrier seems like it's still kosher enough for moms from all walks of life. But how about a stash of cloth nappies? Is that a waste of time & $$$? Should I throw-in a mini shower to make it easier for the new parents? Or should I go with a gift certificate to a local diapering service?

I hope you all don't mind me asking this: Would Beco's be not mainstream enough? I know it's kinda girly (in prints) and not gender neutral to some folks. I've offered an old neighbor back in NYC to pick any carrier from my site as a gift. She already had the baby back in July. She hasn't said anything (& I've reminded her another time) Just wondering why? I mean, she'd get so much use out of a carrier, having to walk her ds to and from her dd's school every morning and afternoon. She wouldn't have to go up and down the stairs in a stroller...okay. ramblin' now...

TIA for all the helpful tips.
It's all about spreading crunchy love.


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

I agree with UmmIbi, I would nix the cloth diapers. That's a much bigger commitment and frankly NOT as easy as sposies (and I'm a dedicated CDer/ECer). Unless someone's going to make the commitment, that element of the gift will go to waste.

I really like The Baby Book, and I think the idea of a carrier is great, too -- although as much as I love Ergos and Becos, I don't think they're necessarily easy for the little baby stage. I think that a gift certificate and an offer of guidance from you in helping them choose something is a great idea.

I find that many new parents who have no previous exposure to babywearing are absolutely overwhelmed by the choices online and don't know which way to go. I have found that even showing people 1 brand of each of 5 different carriers is enough to make them







:







:







: so I think your personal help in choosing/using one could make all the difference.


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## VijayOwens (Aug 26, 2006)

That's why the Tummy2Tummy video is so great. You can give that with a promise of whatever carrier they think they would use based on the video.

Or you can give the video and a gift certificate and say, "Hey, once you've watched the video, you can pick out a (ringsling/pouch/meitai/wrap/beco) whatever."

ITA that people sometimes get







: when you present too many sling options, but some people really want all that info. I always teach based on what they are asking. And with some people the questions just keep coming, and therefore I just keep showing and telling.

As far as "selling" AP or the crunchy lifestyle to people that is tricky IMO. We all wandered down this path in our own way. Having someone grab you and pull you down the path might be a turnoff. I am not saying that is what you are doing, and I could be wrong anyway. Just saying that if you try to get them to BF and Babywear and co-sleep and cloth diaper they might feel a little cornered or pressured.

Babywearing is one "gateway" to AP, lol. The rest of it I feel all you can do is just lead by example and just hope for the best. If they come to you for advice then you can tell them what you think. Just my two cents.

-Vijay


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## UmmIbrahim (Feb 16, 2007)

May I add that, id seriously stay away from pouches UNLESS you know the moms pre-prego size, current prego size and can get sizing help from the company...BECOS, you cant imagine the amount of new moms I run into w/ pouches which are sized REALLY REALLY wrong...either too big or too small. Its scary seeing a baby in a Hotsling that looks like a low slung purse...nice gift idea...close but no cigar.
If you cant get exact sizes...Id reall suggest a adjustable pouch at the bare minimum, that way even if the mom looses weight post pregnancy-which most women do, it'll STILL fit, and as the baby gets bigger, she can adjust it to fit that.

Or get a basic ring sling, my sister is expecting and they are NOT crunchy-just trying to manage...and her and her sig. other are getting a sling from me...they both love the concept and ease of use. Im actually getting a pouch/sling hybred called a Wise Woman Sling-they r sposed to be more "fool-proof" than a traditional sling. Less of a learning curve.
So thats always an option- a adjustable pouch or a pouch/sling hybrid (Rosy Baby lite on shoulder makes them too).

Thats another option.

Ibi is tired, off to get him to sleep.


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## UmmIbrahim (Feb 16, 2007)

May I add that, id seriously stay away from pouches UNLESS you know the moms pre-prego size, current prego size and can get sizing help from the company...BECOS, you cant imagine the amount of new moms I run into w/ pouches which are sized REALLY REALLY wrong...either too big or too small. Its scary seeing a baby in a Hotsling that looks like a low slung purse...nice gift idea...close but no cigar.
If you cant get exact sizes...Id reall suggest a adjustable pouch at the bare minimum, that way even if the mom looses weight post pregnancy-which most women do, it'll STILL fit, and as the baby gets bigger, she can adjust it to fit that.

Or get a basic ring sling, my sister is expecting and they are NOT crunchy-just trying to manage...and her and her sig. other are getting a sling from me...they both love the concept and ease of use. Im actually getting a pouch/sling hybred called a Wise Woman Sling-they r sposed to be more "fool-proof" than a traditional sling. Less of a learning curve.
So thats always an option- a adjustable pouch or a pouch/sling hybrid (Rosy Baby lite on shoulder makes them too).

Thats another option.

Ibi is tired, off to get him to sleep.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pyrodjm* 
I think simple to use carriers like ergos and pouches make great shower gifts for non-crunchy mams. I like to give it with Dr. Sear's baby book.


Yeah that!!!


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## Googy (Apr 4, 2007)

I would definitely give them the Dr. Sears book and a simple carrier. I think those are fabulous gifts. I'd nix the cloth diapers too--chances are they will never use them and they are really expensive. If you want to add something else think about a Boppy or something else breastfeeding-supportive without being obnoxiously so...


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Not at all obnoxious. But, yeah, simple is probably best! How thoughtful of you!


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## pixiepunk (Mar 11, 2003)

Quote:

I think simple to use carriers like ergos and pouches make great shower gifts for non-crunchy mams. I like to give it with Dr. Sear's baby book.
this is exactly what i did for my pretty mainstream aunt when she had her first. i made her the ring sling, and bought her a copy of dr. sears baby book. she told me they referred to that book a million times in the first year, and they used the sling a lot too. they're still pretty mainstream, but i feel like maybe a little less so than they might have been, thanks to me


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## midwestmeg (Jul 10, 2005)

Dr. Sears baby book!


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

OMG! It just dawned me about the bfing thing. No one in my dh's side of the family every bfed (not even the grandmas). I remember bfing at a family BBQ and my MIL nearly passed out with that disdain look on her face! Dh then asked me to go to the guest room.

Anyway, that's ot.

Here's what I'll do:
~the book
~a carrier
~a boppy pillow
~a Hallmark card with their local Nino group and Le Leche League numbers.


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## g&a (Dec 15, 2004)

I got a sling as a gift from a friend when I was expecting my first. I never would have afforded (or found) one on my own but used that darn thing every day for the forst 8 months. It was the single most important gift I recieved.

g.


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## AlexisT (May 6, 2007)

I've given carriers as gifts. I don't think it's pushing the crunchiness--after all, babywearing is practical as well as part of being AP


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

A ring sling is sort of become my shower stand by gift!!! I also like the idea of the Sears book. Many times I give The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Yeah! One of my cousins (the expecting daddy) just hand picked a carrier for his girlfriend








He said, "so much better than the carriers on our registry!"


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Woohoo!









I think your gift list is perfect.


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## Paxjourney (Mar 27, 2007)

My standard baby shower gift to family memebers is a ring sling. Gave my SIL a Sleeping baby production one. She is pretty main stream 4 mo later I gifted her a Mei Tai I had.. I was talking to her recently and she is planning on buying an ergo to use now that my neice is 1


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

so cool! now I can't wait to go to all the baby showers.


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## ~Stephanie~ (Oct 15, 2007)

I almost always give a ring sling or a mei tai, but I AM pretty obnoxious.


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## Montana Mom (Jun 24, 2004)

I was pretty "mainstream" before I actually became a mother and oh how I wish I had known better. I think its great to give someone the tools to change


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

Well, before I was introduced to wraps and babywearing here at mdc, I used a Snuggli. Now my Snuggli is in a bag in storage because it would be silly to use it now that I know!!! I certainly was never "mainstream", but I just didn't know what was out there and I'd like to think that if more so-called "mainstream" mama's knew how comfy other styles of carriers can be, they would use them. I'm giving a Moby to a friend who is due soon because I wish somebody had introduced me to babywearing when my ds was born.


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## granolalight (Nov 1, 2006)

I was pretty mainstream before I had my daughter, just b/c I didn't know any different. At my shower (this was in 2000), a friend got me a subscription to Mothering mag, which I'd never heard of. This was the beginning of major life changes for me. She was also nursing her toddler at my shower, which I'd never seen but thought was really cool.

I'd never get CD's for anyone unless they specifically asked. A friend of mine recently registered for Fuzzi Bunz and got a huge supply at her shower!


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

My "mainstream" SIL recently said she hated her travel system stroller thingy for her 8 week old. She said "There has to be another way!" I said "uhm, yeah, there is!" At the time, I had my 13 mo DD on my hip in a sling. Hands free, etc., etc., etc.

SIL said something like "There's got to be something in between this and *that!*"

She has enjoyed/used the Dr. Sears Baby Book I gave her at her shower. I think a simple carrier with a page of two or instructions/how-to's/helpful websites wuold be great!


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## MichelleS (May 18, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilylove* 
I don't think it's obnoxious. I almost always give an AP book and/or a carrier.

Me too.


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

I feel so positive after all your posts. I shouldn't have let one silly comment to second-guess myself.

I just showed my cousin (whom I had gifted an Ergo) how to use the infant insert. I also brought a number of different carriers to this family union. She ended up picking a Beco and a Ellaroo RS. Her dh was like, "how many of those do you need?" and then my dh quickly chimed in, "dude, it's like shoe fetish"








so true. so true.


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## Googy (Apr 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *motheringtao* 
"dude, it's like shoe fetish"


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

Yup, exactly like shoes. Some of us can get away with only one, most of us have _at least_ a few, you can have full justification for up to a dozen without even getting into style differences - and then some of us have the bug and end up with 50+. _Exactly_ like shoes!


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## LittleLlama (Feb 27, 2006)

Not annoying at all. People find out about "better ways" because they come across it or someone points it out.

I was a Pottery Barn Kids (drooling, not buying, its SOOOO spendy!) and they had _The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding_ and Dr. Sears for sale!!!! I wonder if it's just that store who's manager decided those would be good or if PB on a whole sells them?


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## phreedom (Apr 19, 2007)

I agree with the other posters. I think a carrier is a great idea. It's APish, but very practical as well. I've gotten stopped so many times by mamas asking about my pouch. They would say how hard it is to shop with their wiggly baby in the cart or stroller. It is, that's why I started using mine. I love holding her and it is soo practical as well.

I would wait on the cloth diapers though, unless you know she will use them. That could end up being a waste of your money.


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Now I see how silly it was for me to start this post with "obnoxious" in it.









Wish I had this kinda AP love 8 years ago!

PB selling Dr. Sears? Woooo, that might just be an excuse to window shop!

I'm on the TBW thread for support ... support for the will power not to buy a Psling...







:


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## ahdoula (Sep 5, 2006)

I always give crunchy parenting items to family members, and none of them "get it" but they give us stuff we roll our eyes about too, so it comes out even. Even if they end up re gifting/selling/giving away, SOME mom will benefit from it and you never know if they will end up learning/changing from your gift!


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ahdoula* 
I always give crunchy parenting items to family members, and none of them "get it" but they give us stuff we roll our eyes about too, so it comes out even. Even if they end up re gifting/selling/giving away, SOME mom will benefit from it and you never know if they will end up learning/changing from your gift!

That's so true. It's sort of like a circle. It'll eventually come back around...


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## Quindin (Aug 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *motheringtao* 
and then my dh quickly chimed in, "dude, it's like shoe fetish"








so true. so true.











So great to see a DH who gets it!!


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Quindin* 









So great to see a DH who gets it!!

He tried to fight the obsession but resistance was futile!


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

I think a carrier with instructions is a great idea! I gave a pouch to someone once with no instructions and she returned it for a snuggli-type carrier








My fault for not showing her how good it was!


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

I just gave a Moby to my friend who just gave birth a couple weeks ago. I was sad when I walked into her home and saw formula and bottles...she just found breastfeeding "too hard"







. But I remember seeing my younger sister in tears trying to breastfeed her newborn...who she ended up breastfeeding for 2 years.....so that argument doesn't really sit well with me...however that's off topic. My friend is only 18 and I doubt she has much non-mainstream influence. So I'm going to try my best to show her alternatives. I'm going to check back on her in a couple weeks and see how the Moby is working out and help her "get it" if it isn't.


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## walrissa (Oct 1, 2005)

I think a book and Tummy 2 Tummy is good. Paired with a gift certificate is great! I'd have loved those as a new mom and plan on doing just this for a few friends this spring. In the past I've given wraps and ring slings but think a g.c. might be a better choice.


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## provocativa (Jan 17, 2005)

I haven't read the other replies, but when I haven't given the Sears Baby Book to a friend or relative, they have almost all had a terrible terrible time parenting their infants. It seems like no one in my generation or social group had any good experience with infants prior to giving birth, and they are likelier to get a carrier from someone else- certainly if they read the book. Most are too shell shocked to figure out the ring sling early on. In my experience, babies learn best and develop their muscles better in carriers that change position easily, rather than the rigidity of the ergo. The ergo doesn't allow for as much muscle development in the abdomen, as it is kept rigid and supported all the time, and abdominal strength is key for crawling skills.


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## maymorales (Dec 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *provocativa* 
I haven't read the other replies, but when I haven't given the Sears Baby Book to a friend or relative, they have almost all had a terrible terrible time parenting their infants. It seems like no one in my generation or social group had any good experience with infants prior to giving birth, and they are likelier to get a carrier from someone else- certainly if they read the book. Most are too shell shocked to figure out the ring sling early on. I.

Thanks! That's very useful.

So here's the post-shower update:

She got a Moby Wrap from her mom (smart momma)
I gave her an Ellaroo Rebozo and a Sky Temple Beco.
Then another preggy friend of hers got all curious. I showed them how to wrap the Moby and the Rebozo. Then how to put on the Beco. Someone joked, "oh, that's just way too many straps for me to figure it out." But whatever. I think the print got more "woo" and "ahs". The 2 preggy mamas were so excited about the options out there!

Oh, then the older women (the grandma-aged) in the party chimed in on how the Rebozo was used "back in the day in Mexico" Turns out, they never tied it! Hmmmm...

It was a productive shower!


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