# MIL's facebook pictures (my children)



## josie423 (Jun 29, 2008)

So, my MIL started a facebook recently and is putting pictures of my two children up on her page. I am not comfortable with this, but she already mentioned it to DH and he seemed ok with it. When I talked to him about it he agreed that he doesn't really want her to put them up there.

How would you feel about this? And what should I do? If I ask her to take them down she will do the whole guilt-trip thing and spread it around the family that I won't let her put the pictures up. She's a nut, but that's a whole 'nother thread.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Honestly I would find it really hard to argue against a grandma putting up pics of her grandkids. It's like passing around pics at her bridge game, ya know?

But I don't have a problem with pic of my kids on the internet.

-Angela


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## nummies (Jun 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Honestly I would find it really hard to argue against a grandma putting up pics of her grandkids. It's like passing around pics at her bridge game, ya know?

But I don't have a problem with pic of my kids on the internet.

-Angela

I agree.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

Let me say first of all that DH and I don't use facebook. We're not fans.

However, I'm wondering specifically why you don't want your MIL to put up pictures of your kids. Being clear on your reasons is going to make it easier to determine if the issue is worth going to task over, and make it easier to articulate to your MIL.


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## brooks97 (Apr 24, 2008)

I agree with PP. It's like her carrying an album in her purse and showing her grandchildren to everyone.









I know internet is not 100% safe, but can you ask if she sets her facebook albums to friends only setting so not everyone, only people on her list, can see them?


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

My mom puts pics of my kids on her Facebook and it's never occurred to me to be bothered. Why don't you want them on there? If there's a potential problem with them being up there, just tell her that potential problem, and that should solve it.

edit - I should add, that should solve it depending on the problem and her response. LOL. Not as simple as all that.


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## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Honestly I would find it really hard to argue against a grandma putting up pics of her grandkids. It's like passing around pics at her bridge game, ya know?

But I don't have a problem with pic of my kids on the internet.

-Angela

Agreed. Plus, facebook is private and not internet searchable.


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## josie423 (Jun 29, 2008)

I guess I have a lot of other issues with her as well. She has violated boundaries over and over again, has stolen jewelry and other items from me, lies constantly, and I guess mainly it bothers me that she didn't even bother to ask if it's ok if she put pictures of them up. I don't like putting pictures online much, let alone my crazy MIL.

Maybe I am being silly and selfish.


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## henny penny (Mar 26, 2008)

I most definitely understand why you wouldn't want pictures of your children on the internet, even facebook. The internet is such an open medium that I think it is very different from sharing a photo album. There are some pictures friends have posted of our family at a group reunion and I'm fine with that, I suppose, but I'm still really unsure about it. When people I don't know comment on how cute ds is it kinda creeps me out. I can't exactly put it into words why I have these reservations. I agree with talking to mil about setting her facebook page with access restrictions so ONLY her friends can see them (if she won't take them off altogether).


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

Is she your friend on Facebook? Or DH's? Maybe she's seen that you have posted a few pics of the kids and thinks that it is okay. Or maybe she just hasn't put any real thought into it.

If you really don't want her to have pics up (but you want to continue to put your own up) you'll have to tell her that it make you uncomfortable for HER to do it. And then the reasons...

If you're just concerned about who sees them, I would say something like, "Did you know that if you don't change your privicy settings ANYONE can see thes? Let's log in and I'll show you how to set it to just friends."


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

My DH is an intensely private person, so he was not thrilled about me putting pics of our kids up on my own FB page. I had to assure him that nobody but people I friended would be able to see them, and that I didn't friend anyone but people I actually knew (OK, so I have maybe 5 people who I know online only, but I've "known" them for years online - everyone else is someone I know in person). I also mentioned that it's not as if I'm posting their full name, DOB and address.

I *will* say this - it did make me slightly uncomfortable when one of my friends shared a pic of my kids to her own wall from one of my albums; she just adores my kids and loved the pic...it made me uncomfortable because I don't know who's on *her* friend list, YK? So I guess I'm only slightly less private than DH.









I think for many people, they just don't want to be on display (or have their kids on display) - I know that's what the case is with DH - he has NO desire for lots of people to be able to share in the details of our private home life together, especially people he doesn't know - it feels like an invasion of privacy to him. Whereas it seems in this society of twitter and blogs and reality TV that everyone wants to be a star and let everyone in the world know their story, there are still some people who have NO desire for things like that....and IMO because the way mainstream society is so right out there in your face now, it makes the people who crave privacy stand out even more and feel even weirder and more defensive.

I will also say that DH and I are "THOSE parents" who do not authorize our children's pictures to be used in school promotional materials, etc. It's just not something that's in our comfort zone.

I don't think it's a matter of DH being worried that some perv or sicko is going to find out where we live and do something to us, as much as he's just a private person and doesn't want (him or our kids) to be on display.

Case in point: I know if we would permit her, my mom would send pics of the kids into the "isn't this kid cute?" section of their local newspaper, or to a magazine, or whatnot - but that's one place where DH and I agree, we don't really want the kids in nationwide, mainstream media like that, it's just not something that sits well with either of us for various reasons.

SOOOOOOO, OP. I woudl figure out *why* it's bothering you, and see if from there you could come up with a mutual solution - maybe it's that she lets you know who is on her friend list, and makes all her albums with kid pictures set to friends only, and you ask her to not friend strangers. Or maybe it's that you ask her to set up a filter so that only people that she knows in real life see pics of the kids (you can set up sublists of friends and set viewing permissions), and then she can friend who ever else she wants but they won't have access to those pics.

Just wanted to say that I get where you're coming from. Good luck talking with her and finding a solution.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

I am sure she just wants to proudly show off her grandchildren (I know my mom would do the same if she could figure it out). I use FB a lot to show how Tyr is doing...Just ask her that the privacy level is set that "only friends" can see them.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *josie423* 
I guess I have a lot of other issues with her as well. She has violated boundaries over and over again, has stolen jewelry and other items from me, lies constantly, and I guess mainly it bothers me that she didn't even bother to ask if it's ok if she put pictures of them up. I don't like putting pictures online much, let alone my crazy MIL.

Maybe I am being silly and selfish.


No, you are not being silly or selfish.

If that were my MIL, she wouldn't have pics to put on FB, much less access to me or my children. And I would have had her arrested for theft, too.

I don't care if it is "family". No one should be able to treat you like dirt, cross boundaries, and even commit crimes, and get away with it, no matter if they are family or not.


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
No, you are not being silly or selfish.

If that were my MIL, she wouldn't have pics to put on FB, much less access to me or my children. And I would have had her arrested for theft, too.

I don't care if it is "family". No one should be able to treat you like dirt, cross boundaries, and even commit crimes, and get away with it, no matter if they are family or not.

Editted: reread in response
OP, i get that she's been crossing boundries for a long time and whatever and that has got to be frustrating, I'm sorry :-(
If she doesn't have a private page (I don't) she can make it so that certain albums (like the ones with your kids) are private/friends only. It's pretty easy


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I would just ask her to set privacy settings to "only friends".


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
If that were my MIL, she wouldn't have pics to put on FB, much less access to me or my children. And I would have had her arrested for theft, too.
.

You'd have your nutty MIL arrested for taking something from your home? Really? And what purpose would that serve?


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## TCMoulton (Oct 30, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
I would just ask her to set privacy settings to "only friends".

I agree. This wouldn't bother me (in fact my sisters have pics of my girls on facebook) but if it bothers you ask her to change the settings. That way she can show off her grandkids to her friends while your fears are eased a bit.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Honestly I would find it really hard to argue against a grandma putting up pics of her grandkids. It's like passing around pics at her bridge game, ya know?

But I don't have a problem with pic of my kids on the internet.

-Angela

Totally agree with that. I would ask her to make her page private though.


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## BroodyWoodsgal (Jan 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *josie423* 
I guess I have a lot of other issues with her as well. She has violated boundaries over and over again, has stolen jewelry and other items from me, lies constantly, and I guess mainly it bothers me that she didn't even bother to ask if it's ok if she put pictures of them up. I don't like putting pictures online much, let alone my crazy MIL.

Maybe I am being silly and selfish.

It sounds like the issue isn't the FB photos...in part, perhaps, but it sounds like if she had come to you and said "I'd like to put pics of the kids up on FB, my photos are private, so only my friends will be able to see" - you wouldn't really have minded so much. It sounds like this is one of those situations where you are dealing with a person who has sent you the message over and over again that your needs and feelings are never going to come first for her...and as a result of that, every little breaking of boundries really gets under your skin in ways that maybe they wouldn't, were it not for the fact that you feel generally disrespected by her.

I'd say...with someone like her you need to pick your battles. If it bugs you because most of what she does bugs you...I'd say maybe let it go?? I don't know. But if it BOTHERS you, because you don't want your kids faces up on the internet...you are WELL within your rights as the parent to request that she take them down. Whatever it is...live in truth. If it's HER that bugs you...let it go and don't make it a battle. If it actually is the PICTURES which are causing you heartburn...request that she remove them.

Yes, I think that a grandmother who wants to show off her kiddos babies should be humored and I am a fan of humoring nutty ole MILs anyway....but it sounds like this lady steps over the line a lot with you and hasn't really earned the right to the kind of humoring I would normally recommend extending to a "nutty MIL" type. My MIL and GrandMIL are a bit nutty sometimes...but they are dears to us and are very concious of our boundries and the fact that our children are OURS.....as a result, their "brag books" stay well stocked and I wouldn't mind if one of them were to get a FB page and display pics (on private setting) to their friends.

Old people are just that...people. Being of advances age doesn't earn you the right to have more access to the children...being a loving, responsible part of the family DOES.

GL honey...it's hard to deal with someone like that...who does things all the time to get under your skin...especially when it's the small stuff and others might think you're overreacting. Stay strong and remember: You're the mama.


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## Stephenie (Oct 11, 2007)

We had this same issue. It's hard to explain why exactly, but I felt a tad violated when my mil did it. She'd take photos off my facebook and put them on hers. Her page was public, she got a million spam friend requests a day... it just felt weird to me. That and she super cyber stalks my page so 30 seconds after I post a photo, it's on her page. Dh asked that she make her page private, which she didn't know she could do. I still don't like it but it's better. It's just that I have to decide when I post something on my facebook if I want dh's extended family and all of mil's friends to see it and comment on it. And even though I am pretty open with my life on the web (I have a blog full of photos etc) I like to be able to choose what goes where - and I'd never choose any part of my life to be put up on someone else's social networking page, let alone someone as critical of me as my MIL. But we have lots of issues. I will admit, I was less bothered when my own mother put up a photo of my dad and son on her page. But then again it was one of her own photos and not one she stole off my page.

Sorry you're going through this.


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## Gentle~Mommy :) (Apr 21, 2009)

Can I just ask what people think other people are going to do with their kids photos? I'm baffled to what the harm is?

You can google children and get hundreds of thousands of photos of kids, why does it matter so much for no one to see your child?


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## Elecampane (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gentle~Mommy * 
Can I just ask what people think other people are going to do with their kids photos? I'm baffled to what the harm is?

You can google children and get hundreds of thousands of photos of kids, why does it matter so much for no one to see your child?

I've often wondered this too. Maybe I'm just naive...?


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gentle~Mommy * 
Can I just ask what people think other people are going to do with their kids photos? I'm baffled to what the harm is?

You can google children and get hundreds of thousands of photos of kids, why does it matter so much for no one to see your child?

For me, I don't think anyone's going to "do" anything with them necessarily, it's just that they're my private family photos and I prefer to keep them somewhat private. I don't really think it's necessary to justify that position -- everyone's entitled to maintain the level of privacy they prefer.

If you're cool with posting pictures publicly, go for it. I only post pictures if the settings say "friends only," and my friends/family know that, so they respect my opinion and select a "friends only" setting when they post pictures of my kids too. I think it's nice of them to be considerate, even if some of them may think it's silly of me to want it that way.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Gentle~Mommy * 
Can I just ask what people think other people are going to do with their kids photos? I'm baffled to what the harm is?

You can google children and get hundreds of thousands of photos of kids, why does it matter so much for no one to see your child?

I answered from my DH's point of view above, but for the sake of responding directly - he's not afraid anyone is going to do anything with the pictures, per se...he just is a private person and doesn't feel like everyone in the world should have access to photos of our family. He is a "need to know basis" kind of guy, and if he doesn't know you, you don't need to know about him or his family. He is definitely an introvert.

The more I think about this issue, the more sympathy I have for private people - I don't think anyone who wants their private family life to remain private and not available for public view should have to defend themselves from "what's the big deal?" - if you're a private person, you're a private person and it doesn't necessarily have to do with fear - I know to my DH, our little family is the most precious thing to him, his haven away from all the ills of the world, and I think he just wants to keep it that way, to not have it "infiltrated" by anyone who does a Google search for kids on the internet, regardless of their intentions.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I'm not sure what you can do, besides asking her to remove them. But really, they are her grandchildren, and if she owns pictures of them, she is free (IMO) to do whatever she wants - whether it's sharing them in a scrapbook to her friends in person, or posting them in her facebook album. Most people have their facebook private - so it's likely just friends/family/coworkers who would be able to see them.

But then, I don't have a problem with photos online, so I'm coming from a different viewpoint. I actually wish my mom would figure out how to upload some pics of my kids on her facebook account - my sister signed her up and she has yet to even add a profile photo.


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## itsmyturn (Aug 17, 2009)

Just make sure she is not listing the kids name and personal info along with the pics.
Other than that I would relax, she is obviously proud of her g-kids.


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## jennifera (Feb 23, 2005)

Their kids pictures online, Granted the woman involved put her sons picture online.

I thought i saw this not to long ago, so i did a search on it.

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2009/08/...-the-internet/

Mother horrified to find her baby up for sale on the internet
by Jenny Cornish Aug 4th 2009

Categories: Babies, Weird stories, Latest news

An American mother was browsing the internet when she suddenly discovered her baby son was being offered up for adoption on a London website.

Photos of Jenni Brennan's seven-month-old son Jake had been put up on a Craigslist advert.

"A cute baby boy for adoption," read the ad. "He is very healthy and ready for adoption."

That's got to be a nasty shock. I wonder if she thought, just for a moment "Did I do this? In my sleep, perhaps?"

An investigation has now been launched by the FBI, who believe it could be an international adoption scam.

Jenni thinks her son's photo was probably pinched from her family blog, which she set up to share photos of her kids with friends and family.

Most of us now put up pictures of our families somewhere on the internet and you don't really know who might use them and for what purpose. But you certainly don't expect to see your baby for sale.

The FBI reckons the scammers were using the photo to try to con hopeful adoptive parents into sending them cash.

Jenni replied to the advert via a Yahoo account, pretending to be interested in adopting the baby. She was told to send £200 to an address in Cameroon.

The scammers told her the baby boy had been born in Canada and was now in an orphanage in Cameroon.

Jenni, 30, a social worker, said in the Telegraph: "I never thought something like this would happen.

"I've always heard about stuff like this happening. But I never thought it would enter our world. We were stunned when we discovered he was being offered for adoption in London.

"I know Jacob wasn't being physically harmed and no one was going to come to our door and try to take him, but I felt like his likeness was being violated."

The Brennans will now use privacy restrictions on the blog to stop unauthorised people viewing it.

Jenni said she wanted to warn other families. "We don't want this to happen to anyone else," she said.

There is still an adoption ad up on Craigslist with the same text, but no picture of Jake.

Are you careful about putting photos of your kids on the internet? Do stories like this make you think twice?

Source: The Telegraph


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

It sounds like the issue has to do more with your feelings about your "crazy" MIL, and less to do with posting pictures on Facebook. I'll bet if she was a different person, maybe a wonderful grandma who loved you and your family, valued and respected your beliefs, and supported you in your parenting beliefs and style, you wouldn't be upset about the facebook pictures.

So the real issue is how to set boundaries with a crazy MIL! I have no idea. But I don't think I'd choose this facebook issue to start with... I'd kind of try to look at the whole picture and figure out what kind of relationship you really want to have with her, and that will guide your actions about the details.


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## Polliwog (Oct 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jennifera* 
Their kids pictures online, Granted the woman involved put her sons picture online.

I thought i saw this not to long ago, so i did a search on it.

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2009/08/...-the-internet/

Mother horrified to find her baby up for sale on the internet
by Jenny Cornish Aug 4th 2009

Categories: Babies, Weird stories, Latest news

An American mother was browsing the internet when she suddenly discovered her baby son was being offered up for adoption on a London website.

Photos of Jenni Brennan's seven-month-old son Jake had been put up on a Craigslist advert.

"A cute baby boy for adoption," read the ad. "He is very healthy and ready for adoption."

That's got to be a nasty shock. I wonder if she thought, just for a moment "Did I do this? In my sleep, perhaps?"

An investigation has now been launched by the FBI, who believe it could be an international adoption scam.

Jenni thinks her son's photo was probably pinched from her family blog, which she set up to share photos of her kids with friends and family.

Most of us now put up pictures of our families somewhere on the internet and you don't really know who might use them and for what purpose. But you certainly don't expect to see your baby for sale.

The FBI reckons the scammers were using the photo to try to con hopeful adoptive parents into sending them cash.

Jenni replied to the advert via a Yahoo account, pretending to be interested in adopting the baby. She was told to send £200 to an address in Cameroon.

The scammers told her the baby boy had been born in Canada and was now in an orphanage in Cameroon.

Jenni, 30, a social worker, said in the Telegraph: "I never thought something like this would happen.

"I've always heard about stuff like this happening. But I never thought it would enter our world. We were stunned when we discovered he was being offered for adoption in London.

"I know Jacob wasn't being physically harmed and no one was going to come to our door and try to take him, but I felt like his likeness was being violated."

The Brennans will now use privacy restrictions on the blog to stop unauthorised people viewing it.

Jenni said she wanted to warn other families. "We don't want this to happen to anyone else," she said.

There is still an adoption ad up on Craigslist with the same text, but no picture of Jake.

Are you careful about putting photos of your kids on the internet? Do stories like this make you think twice?

Source: The Telegraph

While creepy, that wouldn't stop me from putting my kids pictures on Facebook. My kids wouldn't be endangered in any way.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
I would just ask her to set privacy settings to "only friends".


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

It wouldn't bother me. If it's an issue, I'd ask her to set the pictures to 'friends only'


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## ~pi (May 4, 2005)

Like pps, I would be fine with it so long as she understand the privacy settings well enough to restrict viewership to people she has explicitly friended.

I can understand why your history with her complicates this issue, though.


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## notjustmamie (Mar 7, 2007)

What would bother me, and maybe this is your issue as well, isn't so much that the images are out there, but that she didn't even bother to mention it to you before she posted them. I'm one of the parents who does NOT like my kids pictures on the internet. I'll post the back of my daughter's head, but that's about it. I'd feel really violated if someone else posted a photo of me or my kids without at least notifying me, and preferably asking my permission. I would never consider posting a photo of someone else's child without asking first--even if they've posted it to a public website.

Oh, and I know that the name of the FB account holder IS searchable through Google (I've found people that way), though I don't believe the images are. If MIL has her page set to private, her friends would be able to see the photos, but the internet at large would not. If she has her page set to public, however, anybody that stumbles upon her page (though searching her name, looking through any group lists she's a part of, etc.) can see the photos.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

I'd be ok with pics and the label "my grandkids" BUT I wouldn't want their names on there with the pics.


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## HisBeautifulWife (Jun 18, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
Agreed. Plus, facebook is private and not internet searchable.

Not true at all.

A person has to set both their page and their albums to private if they want to enjoy that luxury. Even with that, nothing truly is "private".

I see no problem with someone not wanting their kids pictures on Facebook. I wouldn't either, but if you would have asked me a few years ago my answer would have been different.


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## Latte Mama (Aug 25, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HisBeautifulWife* 
Not true at all.

A person has to set both their page and their albums to private if they want to enjoy that luxury. Even with that, nothing truly is "private".

I.

I was just about to post the same thing. Facebook is VERY searchable. Of course, changing privacy settings will remedy that.

As far as what people *do* with kids pics online? This is really disturbing but pedophiles and those that market to pedophiles use photoshop to make innocent pics into whatever they want







. I've also known many cases of women faking pregnancies and using pics of other womens babies as their own. Creepy stuff. It hasn't stopped me from sharing my son's pics to some extent, but I do google image every so often just to check what is out there.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

lots of people have pictures of my kids on facebook. it never occured to me to be offended and it never occured to me that they didn't ask my permission. i am usually so touched that someone would want to be proud of my kids along side me









if it really bothers you I would ask her to keep those pictures between her friends only. I don't think that is asking too much but its kinda controling to ask her not to show pictures of her grandkids to opther people.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I totally understand why you're upset, and I think she should have asked your permission first. If you want her to take them down, just tell her so.

Oh and even if you have your page set to "Friends Only," if a friend of yours comments on a pic on your page, all of their friends can see the pic too. I don't think there's any way to change that either.


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## beka1977 (Aug 1, 2004)

FB is not nearly as private as people believe it to be. Even using the privacy settings it is still possible (although harder) to see pictures.

I would not like photos of my children to be posted on FB. It would feel like an invasion of privacy. Additionally, I like to be "in control" of things concerning my children. And once their pictures were out there, I am no longer in control, and neither is MIL.

Pictures are used all the time without permission:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/01/te...gy/01link.html


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## fyrwmn (Jan 5, 2009)

we ran into this with sil. both dh and i have pics of the kids on our fb pages, but sil posts without asking permission. i'd like to know when/if pics are being put on the internet. we also had to request that she not post about ds being born so that we could be the ones to do it. she shared with everyone that we were having a boy before we even made it home from that appt. didn't know we had to request she not share info before we even get a chance. i try to look at it from the viewpoint of her being excited/proud of the kids. we did ask her to check with us first though, and for the most part, she's been okay with that.


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## inkedmamajama (Jan 3, 2003)

I do understand if you dont like any pictures of your kids on the internet at all-i know plenty of people that adhere to that policy for their family.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I totally get it. People don't use a lot of common sense when they're posting on Facebook and they hardly ever use the security settings. As someone who has been found three times by random people online, I think it is very much up to the parents to decide if and how their kid's photos will be used online.

I am often kind of horrified by the personal info you can find on Facebook without meaning to. If a pictures turns up on my newsfeed page because someone on my friends list commented on it, I will look. Often this means I can look at ALL of that person's photos and we're not even friends. Frequently there is a lot of commentary including the kid's name, sports teams, schools, activities, etc. I just think good grief, anyone who is even slighty motivated now knows where to find these people.


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## mama1803 (Mar 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
I totally get it. People don't use a lot of common sense when they're posting on Facebook and they hardly ever use the security settings. As someone who has been found three times by random people online, I think it is very much up to the parents to decide if and how their kid's photos will be used online.

I am often kind of horrified by the personal info you can find on Facebook without meaning to. If a pictures turns up on my newsfeed page because someone on my friends list commented on it, I will look. Often this means I can look at ALL of that person's photos and we're not even friends. Frequently there is a lot of commentary including the kid's name, sports teams, schools, activities, etc. I just think good grief, anyone who is even slighty motivated now knows where to find these people.









Well said.

I get it too. I won't post my kids pics online, and I know tons of others who won't as well.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I understand that lots of people do and no trouble comes of it, I really do get that, but I can also totally understand why someone wouldn't and I think that is the kind of thing that's left for parents to decide.


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## Cujobunny (Aug 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
It wouldn't bother me. If it's an issue, I'd ask her to set the pictures to 'friends only'

Yep, me too.


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

Two quick points:

1. If it weren't for reading similar threads on MDC, I would have no idea that people were bothered by having their kids pictures posted on Facebook like that. I know many, many people who post pictures of their families on FB (or other websites), but I have never heard one person in real life express concern about doing so. So give your MIL the benefit of the doubt and assume she has no idea anyone would be bothered by such a thing (I've posted pictures I taken of my nieces and nephew on my FB account, it didn't really occur to me to ask permission first).

2. Are your kids the only grandchildren? If not, would you mind if she posts pictures of the other grandchildren, but not yours?


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
I would just ask her to set privacy settings to "only friends".

This.

I put pics of DS on facebook. But my account is set so that you have to be my friend to see it. And all of his pics are set "friends only." My understanding is that if you don't set it friends only, then your friends and networks can see them. On my FB, I have this whole list of "highlights" down the right hand side of the page, and there are pictures and videos on there that my friends have commented on. Well, whether or not am I friends with the OP of the picture, I can click on it and have access to the whole album. So I always set my pictures as "friends only" I hope that that is enough to keep it from ending up in those highlights.

I mostly do this because I am a little paranoid of people using Christopher's pictures for non-wholesome things. Either that or use his picture in conjunction with other info I may have on FB or elsewhere to track him down. It's not unheard of. But that is me and my paranoia...


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## mumblemama (Jun 17, 2009)

I totally get it, too. Putting ANY info of your kids online means it will be there, forever, in some form. Could you imagine growing up, and then finding out about all the things about you, including pictures, that are posted places? I just don't feel comfortable with the idea.

That said, I do post pictures, but be careful of your settings. Even if you have pictures set as only viewable by friends, if a friend comments on a picture, THEIR friends will be able to then view the picture album, even if they are not your friends.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mumblemama* 
That said, I do post pictures, but be careful of your settings. Even if you have pictures set as only viewable by friends, if a friend comments on a picture, THEIR friends will be able to then view the picture album, even if they are not your friends.

I want to test this - because I thought the point of "friends only" meant that others couldn't click through to a picture - I know sometimes when people send me linkes to FB pics I can't see them, and I assumed it was because they are friends only pics. I'm thinking of testing this out with a couple friends of mine who are not friends with each other...


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
I want to test this - because I thought the point of "friends only" meant that others couldn't click through to a picture - I know sometimes when people send me linkes to FB pics I can't see them, and I assumed it was because they are friends only pics. I'm thinking of testing this out with a couple friends of mine who are not friends with each other...

Let me know what you learn, because I'm wondering the same thing. I always set my photos to "friends only," but if a friend comments, I hope that doesn't mean that their friends can view my whole album. I know I've viewed the albums of people I'm not friends with that way, but of course I don't know what their settings are.


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

I totally understand. We're fairly private and don't really want to share our personal lives with a lot of people. I don't even appreciate people posting pictures of me without my permission, let alone my children. I enjoy having my picture taken for *private* use. If they're going to be made public, I want to know and give (or deny) permission.

I do post the occasional picture on fb but I get to select them. Perhaps a good compromise would be to have her run pictures by you before posting any.


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## JAL (Apr 29, 2005)

I have not read through all the posts but Facebook does not have as much privacy as people think, I just saw this from the ACLU

http://blog.aclu.org/2009/08/27/quiz...n-information/

take the quiz and see what info they are getting









you could always have her take the quiz and see what comes up, I deleted my pics and some other info until I can get better privacy screening on Facebook.

Hope that link works!


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## Noelle C. (Sep 3, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
Agreed. Plus, facebook is private and not internet searchable.

It's so much harder to find pictures that are on FB than other sites, and even if you do get a link, they have pretty good security. So really, I wouldn't worry either.


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## josie423 (Jun 29, 2008)

Thank you so much for all the responses, advice, and suggestions everyone! I've thought about it a lot and I've realized why it bothers me so much. MIL's life is a farce - she is fake, fake, fake. I don't like fake people and I don't want my children to be props in her image of "wonderful, doting Grandma". A loving Grandma doesn't give her grandchild food he's allergic to every. single. time. she sees him (or try to) because she "thinks he'll like it". I mean, just because she's "Grandma" doesn't mean she's got full access and rights to my children. I wouldn't dream of putting someone else's children on my page, grandchildren or not, without permission. She doesn't ask - she just does.

Her page is private, but I highly doubt her album is (and no I'm not her friend but DH is). *If you post a picture in a group or then anyone on FB (or in the group if it's private) can view your album - same with sending links, etc. (Just learned this recently.)* She hardly has any idea what she's doing in FB so I don't feel like explaining how to make her album private as well as her page.

So I guess this isn't so much about pictures. This woman has many, many issues and I'm sick of it.


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## pjs (Mar 30, 2005)

I was thinking about this this morning as my SIL has just started using facebook. Even though we get along fine, I would have no problem asking her to remove pics of my kids IF she ever posted them. I don't want my kids pics on the internet- simple as that. I get that other people have different comfort levels, but as a parent, this is my choice. And even if facebook is as private as everyone purports, I thought I read somewhere that they employ over 100,000 people worldwide. So those 100,000 people theoretically have access to all your info.


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