# My 5yo won't wipe his butt



## RunnerDuck (Sep 12, 2003)

Even if you don't have any kickass suggestions for helping with this - I'd like to know how common it is.

He knows how to wipe his butt - he just doesn't. Sometimes his underwear is downright NASTY.

I am afraid the other kids in school are going to make fun of him at some point.

He was taking rock climbing for a while and I lived in horror of the instructor getting a whiff of his butt during climbing sessions. I tried to check his underwear beforehand but I didn't always remember...

I recently learned DH was making him smell his underwear at bath time if it was nasty - I was horrified!!! Even if it is disgusting behavior we should have SOME dignity here... so I nipped that in the bud. Ugh. I can just see that coming up in therapy some day...

How common is this??? Any tips on successfully encouraging it??

Or just commiseration? Commiseration is good, too.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

My SIL had this problem with her son until he was 7 or 8, I think... until he got old enough to take her seriously and get embarrassed when she swore she was gonna start helping him go to the bathroom and wipe it herself!
Ack!

My 4 year old often forgets - never when she poos but often when she pees.

I guess I don't have any worldly wisdom for you - I read about someone making a little toilet paper/wipe holder just for their toddler/child, decorated with their child's favorite things at the moment, but I'm not sure if that worked or not... I dunno...

Hugs?


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## leighann79 (Aug 4, 2005)

My DS asked me to come wipe his but until he was 6. Now he (at 7) does it himself, but doesn't always do well. He has learned that a poor job will give him a sore butt (from a rash/etc, not that I spank him!







) He tries a bit harder. If worse comes to worse we put rash cream on him.
Have you tried those kid wipes? Those have helped each of my kids.


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## RunnerDuck (Sep 12, 2003)

We tried the kid wipes for a while... but he's lost interest. It's not like I can keep track of every time he poops and wipe his butt for him.

BUT he also has a bad habit of pooping and not flushing and when they happens if there is no TP I call him to the bathroom and wipe for him... which annoys him... apparantly not enough, though, LOL

I ask him why he doesn't wipe, and he says "I'm just not used to it!"


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## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

My little guy is 5 tomorrow and is at this very moment as I type down on the can doing his best work. He won't wipe either. But he also won't come off the can dirty. Instead we have a long drawn out session of, "mommy please come wipe me!" and me saying "you have to do your own bum wiping." He gets grossed out by it.









So usually our compromise is he has to do the first wipe and I come help and inspect after that.

I never thought about the scenario of him going and NOT wiping and then getting dressed and moving on with his day. Hasn't happened. I will be watching this thread for advice though.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

My 4 year old wants to wipe by herself, but I often insist she let me wipe her butt because if she does it, poop is smeared halfway up her backside! and then she needs a bath. I have shown her how to hold the paper, how to use the paper so her thumb







is not between the paper and her butt, and she is an attentive and willing student. However, she just doesn't have the skills yet. Anytime she heads for the bathroom, I'm hot on her trail. I still supervise and will continue to do so until she can do it in a cleaner way. She really doesn't need to take 2-3 baths a day and in fact it would really dry out her skin if she bathed after every poop as she would have to if she wiped by herself.

Now if only the other one would attempt to urinate on the toilet... .that's a whole other problem right there.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

OK, so if my kid did that regularly, there would be a special bucket (aka a diaper pail) in the bathroom for his underwear. And, then HE would be responsible for it, getting the stains out, putting it in the washer and then in the dryer. Yes, he's 5. Yes, it would take a long time to do. BUT my guess is that he'd have to do that chore once or twice before it became much easier to just wipe his butt.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

my almost 7 year old still wont do it. she can. i have provided her all the materials. yet she wants ME to wipe her butt. she wipes/bidets it at her dad's.

and i am ok with it. what she does is if she is with me and i am not around she shoves TP there and then tells me when i AM available so i can do it.









i think if he is so insistent it might take him a painful lesson to learn. if any of his classmates complain and he gets teased he might learn otherwise.

does he truly get what others feel. does he truly get why wiping your butt is a health issue as well as a social issue. does he understand others apart from just parents might not like this?


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## RunnerDuck (Sep 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
OK, so if my kid did that regularly, there would be a special bucket (aka a diaper pail) in the bathroom for his underwear. And, then HE would be responsible for it, getting the stains out, putting it in the washer and then in the dryer. Yes, he's 5. Yes, it would take a long time to do. BUT my guess is that he'd have to do that chore once or twice before it became much easier to just wipe his butt.

I think I may find something in this suggestion and run with it... there's something cooking in my brain, I'm just not sure what yet.










I don't know if he is old enough to understand other kids making fun of him for this yet. I think he's still at the age/stage where kids are pretty accepting and don't tease yet... it may change once kindergarten starts, I don't know.


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## BrownEyedMama (May 4, 2004)

Maybe I'm off-base here, but I am so glad my ds wants me to wipe his bum after he poops. I let dd do it herself waaaaaayyy to early and she was lousy at it. She would wipe the wrong direction, and end up red and itchy, or with messy underpants.

Ds (4) has never asked to do it himself, and when he does, I'll hand over the reigns. Instead he uses the toilet, and hollers "I'm touching my toes, mom".







I gladly wipe because I know I do a good job! If it takes him until he's in school all day to learn, so be it, but it sure beats expecting too much too soon, and dealing with the backlash.


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## ElliesMomma (Sep 21, 2006)

my son isn't born yet but this thread has filled me with dread. at least with girls you can "rinse" a little with the pee running straight down and back sometimes. maybe this is why women are "cleaner" than men. seriously though, don't we all know some men who (still) don't wipe well.

and FWIW, the other day at PlayLand, i noticed little boy after little boy picking his respective butt (through his respective pants). to me, this means one thing: itchy butt. and itchy butt(hole) is caused by one thing: left behind fecal matter.

i totally like the wet butt wipes for effective cleaning. they make the clean up job much smoother, more comfortable and *effective*. i use them myself. my husband thinks i'm obsessive about it. but i have to admit, i think it's pretty gross that he leaves skid marks on the toilet seat, and i need the wet butt wipes to clean that off before i sit on it.

yuck yuck yuck.

thanks for trying, mommas!


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

BUTT WIPES!!!!!!!!! Seriously. They are in the diaper aisle. The ones we buy are made by "Kandoo."

Buy those for him and it will be so much easier for him to wipe himself.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

DS at 6 does an OK job if its not a "messy" poo. But he only just started last autumn, when he went to elementary school. (the Kindergarten teacher would do it for him so why bother







). But he started to wipe, and stopped flushing! I have taken to fining him 2 euro of his pocket money everytime he forgets to flush because I didn't know how else for him to keep it in mind. After a few euro lost he gets it for a while... but then forgets again! Don't know how long this will go on....


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## ErinEmily (Jul 17, 2005)

My 6 last Feb sonwas sort of wiping his own butt until he injured his finger. I have just started insisting that he try and do it himself again this week.

In our case though like some one said before, he doesn't leave the bathroom, he calls me and if I won't come he waddles to me with his pants around him ankles.

Some times we discover at bedtime that he wasn't totally done wiping when his pants came up. Then he gets wiped with a wet wash cloth.

To me it sounds normal that he won't wipe himself, maybe slightly less normal that he doesn't ask, but he is only 5. I know several 5 year olds locally that ask for pull ups so you are ahead of that game.


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## J2 (Aug 12, 2006)

My DS is 3 and does well wiping with a toddler flushable wipe when at home - when he actually does it. Lately he will not wipe himself. After seeing this thread I see that this may be an issue for a LONG time.

So my question is...what do our kids do if they are somewhere without us? Like, preschool or a church sunday school class? I'm not sure someone at church would help him wipe if he had to go in the middle of church. Maybe they would come get me? They just started a 3 year olds class so I haven't encountered this yet. At church, they want the 3 year olds potty trained just like most preschools do. He has been potty trained since 2.5, but needs help sometimes wiping his bum - which I see is still normal at this age for sure.


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ElliesMomma* 
and FWIW, the other day at PlayLand, i noticed little boy after little boy picking his respective butt (through his respective pants). to me, this means one thing: itchy butt. and itchy butt(hole) is caused by one thing: left behind fecal matter.

Or Pinworms.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

meemee said:


> my almost 7 year old still wont do it. she can. i have provided her all the materials. yet she wants ME to wipe her butt. she wipes/bidets it at her dad's.
> 
> 
> > A normal seven year old needs to be doing self care. I haven't seen my kids private parts since they were old enough to bathe alone.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

We told our son that when he was 5, he would have to start wiping himself. We have wet flushable wipes, and he does the first round, and then calls us in for "inspection" to get anything he missed. He wasn't thrilled about it, but I'll be blasted if he's not responsible for his own cleanup in some way at this point. I have no problem checking his work and helping him out, but he definitely needs to be the primary wiper at this point in time. I would set him up with wet wipes, and offer to double check, and take it from there.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *J2* 
So my question is...what do our kids do if they are somewhere without us? Like, preschool or a church sunday school class? I'm not sure someone at church would help him wipe if he had to go in the middle of church. Maybe they would come get me? They just started a 3 year olds class so I haven't encountered this yet. At church, they want the 3 year olds potty trained just like most preschools do. He has been potty trained since 2.5, but needs help sometimes wiping his bum - which I see is still normal at this age for sure.

I've found that both of my kids prefer to poop at home, so this hasn't come up for us really while we're out...


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## RLWS (Apr 16, 2008)

My son never wanted to wipe, he was afraid some would get on his hands.

When he turned 5, we agreed that from then on he would wipe first, and I would check to make sure he got it all.

He turns 6 in 3.5 months, and I'm beginning to introduce the idea that around the time of his birthday, he will be able to wipe all by himself. I hope it works, he does enjoy feeling like a big kid.

I agree with others that the wet wipes help a lot.

-Lora


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

I've heard of kids being bad at it, but not refusing to do it at all. Have you tried giving him his own special flushable wipes in a fun container? With the wet wipes if he does *any* wiping he should be fairly clean and putting them in a container that's just his and decorated might encourage him to wipe at all.

Maybe he got his hand in the water once when he wiped while sitting down and all you need to do is tell him he can stand up to wipe?


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## treehugginhippie (Nov 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RLWS* 
I agree with others that the wet wipes help a lot.










:


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## Mom2Joseph (May 31, 2006)

If my DS needs help, I do it for him as he is OCD about being clean nor does he like having a sore butt. He puts corn starch on afterwards and he loooves that!

I figure this is one of those things that he'll just get better at over time.


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## Juuulie (Apr 15, 2009)

I can sure relate to this thread! Our motto is "trust but verify" -- ds has to wipe first, and then we check. For a long time he didn't want to wipe himself at all. (He also didn't want to give up wearing nighttime diapers even though he'd been dry for weeks.) With lots of encouragement and bribery, we finally got him to start wiping himself. Now the hard part is making sure he lets us know when it's time to "verify." Because believe me, the verification is still very necessary. He is almost 6.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RunnerDuck* 
he also has a bad habit of pooping and not flushing










Ugh. My daughter does this.

I helped her wipe until her arms were long enough to reach. Now she does it by herself.

There was a short transition period where she knew how but didn't want to do it coz it grossed her out. Well, hello! it grosses me out, too! it's not even mine!! We had some laughs . . .

But I pretty much had to "wash my hands of it" so to say. She had some mighty streaks for a while, but nowadays she's pretty skilled.

I don't know what I would've done had she simply "not wiped" like you say . . . maybe just try to be very aware of when he's going, and remind him, walk him thru steps ABC?

I know you have more to do than follow DS around and poop monitor, but maybe if you're hyper-vigilant and don't wipe for him, he'll get thru this phase shortly.

DD didn't really "get" how to hold the TP for optimum wiping, so I had to demonstrate for her. For a while I helped her make a proper TP wad that insured no poop would get on little hands. So I'd hand her the wad and verballly walk her thru wiping repeatedly til the paper came back with nothing on it. I think that helped. If I hadn't made her do it til the paper came back clean, she prolly would've been content with one cursory wipe.

Oh, and wiping standing up was/is easier for her.


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## fwlady (May 11, 2009)

My oldest would forget to wipe when he was even older than five, I think I even had to get onto him up until he was 10yo. This was an issue since I stopped wiping him at 5yo. He didn't always forget, but enough that after forgetting to also flush, that I noticed. So, his Dad got onto him, and I started threatening him that I was going to start coming in to wipe him if his bathroom time surpassed normal peeing. He straightened up after that. He had been helping with clothes at that age, and when I did clothes, I also noticed that as well. After the threat, his underwear weren't so dirty. He has been doing his clothes separate since then, so I hope he got it right. LOL He is superclean now, but I worried for a bit there. LOL He also got the rash on the bottom, and I would say, "if you wipe better, then that won't happen."

My 5.5yo son now always forgets to wipe and flush as well. I may start making him wash his underwear before it goes in my washer, so it doesn't go on as long as it did for my older son. Okay, I told him that. And, we are going to start using a half of wipe for him.

My 3yo DD doesn't EVER tell me she has pooped. I have tried to get her to tell me, so I can wipe her, but since she potty trained, she does NOT want my help. She doesn't do too bad. Just a private and hygeine thing for her. No special wipes for her. When she was sick with the flu the other month, she didn't make it in time to the toilet. I had no idea until going in there that she had messed all over the floor, and tried to clean it up with toilet paper. All this time, she had a fever and was puking. She did this twice. Next time she has the flu, I am following her around.

A little girl in Master's Club at church took a while in the bathroom twice. We werent' sure what was taking her so long, but since the room has a window to check on the kid, I could just discreetly check. She wasn't playing. The second time, she calls to the teacher, as if she was calling her Mommy. I knew she was 3yo. And, I say, "uhh, I think she wants you to wipe her." We got a giggle out of this, because all the time that S has done the toddler class, none of the children have asked her to wipe them. They have their own little real toilet, so it is so child friendly, and this was a hoot. So, yes, some children will ask for assistance or sit there all day. LOL

I have heard of many parents wiping the child per the child's request until even 6yo, which as a younger parent, I thought this was weird. Now, I can see why a parent would want to, but my children have never gone to their 5th bday letting me know they needed it. So, we've dealt with a share of telling them to do it better, and dirty underwear. But, at some point, they just stop telling me they pooped, and with so many around here, I can't keep track to follow all the littles to the bathroom at the right time. We just take lots of long baths around here. LOL Kymberli


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## mom_to_my_rugrats (Aug 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Juuulie* 
I can sure relate to this thread! Our motto is "trust but verify" -- ds has to wipe first, and then we check. For a long time he didn't want to wipe himself at all. (He also didn't want to give up wearing nighttime diapers even though he'd been dry for weeks.) With lots of encouragement and bribery, we finally got him to start wiping himself. Now the hard part is making sure he lets us know when it's time to "verify." Because believe me, the verification is still very necessary. He is almost 6.

My daughter is 8 and most of the time wont even attempt to wipe and I have to keep reminding or asking her if she did. I cant tell you how many pairs of underwear I have had to throw out because of it. I find her dirty underwear hidden in her room and I dont find them till days later. And there are times that she will actually walk around in "pooped underwear" until I notice the funny way she is walking or the smell! How she can walk around in that is beyond me.

As for being dry at night, thats something I have been working on for years. Not only am I dealing with extra laundry during the day, I am dealing with it every morning as well. I can count on one hand how many times she has woken up dry. So....if anyone has any ideas to throw my way for a stubborn 8 year old, I am all ears! Have a wonderful day everyone!


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## ver (Feb 13, 2007)

someone suggested this to me: to make up a song that you sing when you go to the toilet. Something like this: this is the way you wipe your butt, wipe your butt, wipe your butt, this is the way you wipe your butt after you go to the toilet ... the tune is the same as: this is the way you wash your clothes, wash your clothes... (if you know this song). Then you sing it everytime your child is on his/her way to the bathroom and encourage him/her to continue singing while s/he is doing her/his business! My daughter also has problems with flushing and washing hands. She tells me that she "forgets". I think it's because her head is full of other exciting things that she is unable to focus on what she is doing. The song worked when I remembered to remind her. Your message reminded me to start that again! THe other thing that someone else suggested was a star chart. You give her/him a star everytime s/he does it. Then after 5 stars or so, you give him/her a gold star then after several gold stars you give him/her a surprise... I didn't do that because she is 6 and I feel that's for younger kids. Goodluck! Let me know if you come up with something else that works.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

My son is 6 1/2 and either doesn't wipe or doesn't wipe properly. >shudders<


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## Awaken (Oct 10, 2004)

LOL, I love this thread since we all now know we're not alone! My 6.5 yr old is totally grossed out by it, and won't even attempt to try to wipe, never has. He gets easily grossed out by things so this is just beyond him. Even just allowing himself to poop is sickening to him. And he never goes away from home, or when I'm not there, so not wiping isn't an issue. He waits for me to come in and wipe him and even that almost makes him gag. I"m just assuming some day he'll want more privacy and I won't be wiping him as a teenager!!

The funny thing is my 3 yo wants desperately to wipe himself and will try so hard! But he gets it all over the place and it's totally disgusting, so I do let him try twice, then I finish the job.

I agree, a wet cloth works so much better than toilet paper. I still have the baby washcloths and cloth diaper wipes from when they were in diapers, and use those and still have the diaper pail for them.


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## p1gg1e (Apr 3, 2004)

My ODD has to "try" to wipe she will wipe and then say she couldnt ..meaning she didnt get any poop off on the wipe ( means her butt was clean).

I finally had to ignore her ( she will sit and have a tantrum) I tried talking to her ( this has been a year+ long battle) , compromising , negotiating ,pleading LOL

She sat for an hour before she finally came out , pants on and said I did it!!!!









She CAN do it but she want ME to do it for her....I love her , I draw the line at butt wiping at a certain age


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Ds1 refused to wipe at all until he was around 6. I got tired of it & decided to gradually make him responsible for it. At first it was, you wipe one with the wet wipe & I'll do the rest. Then I gradually increased how much he was doing, until I was just checking him. It took months to get to that point. I haven't checked him for about....6 months? I think. He's almost 8 wipes well 99% of the time. He refuses to use tp though, just wipes. Slightly annoying, but he probably wouldn't do as good a job with tp & I'm just happy I don't have to help him anymore.

Ds2 is 4 next month & i think I'm going to start working on getting him to wipe himself in the fall. I expect I'll be helping for awhile yet, though, he has trouble reaching (he tried once). Maybe I can be done with helping by the time he's 6.


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## Starflower (Sep 25, 2004)

My DD just turned 6 and only recently started wiping her own bum. I tried several things to encourage her, but only one thing actually worked: giving her a rubber glove. She was worried about getting poo on her hand. Now we just keep a couple of disposable rubber gloves on the back of the toilet for her to use. She can wash her hands with the glove on and reuse it later. She's even been doing a very thorough job.

Edited to add: when we started with the glove, we started over with her "training" on using the TP. We would wipe her then let her "practice" when it was clean. Once she got used to the motion, we started only doing one wipe and letting her finish up. On her insistence, we'd check how she did. Once she began doing her own wiping, she still wanted to be "checked" for awhile, but she finally gained enough confidence that she just does it on her own and it's fine.

Good luck.


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## Everrgreen (Feb 27, 2007)

My DH and I babysat our then 4.5 year old nephew last Christmas. At one point he went to the bathroom and then yelled out "someone come wipe my butt". DH and I just looked at each other like wth!?!? I had no idea that it was normal for a kid that old to need someone to wipe their butt. We didn't do it, so either he did it himself or didn't wipe at all









Ugh... I can't believe this is normal. I don't want to be wiping my son't butt for 5 or 6 years!


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## SunshineJ (Mar 26, 2008)

Another one here that was resistant overall. At 5 yrs DS was still calling to us to wipe his bum. About 3 months or so before he turned 6 we let him know that age 6 was a "big" deal and he was going to be a big kid about ready for kindy, so he needed to start wiping his own butt at that time. It worked! We still check when asked, and if he has a particularly "messy" time of things he'll call us in for assistance. Oh and if he runs out of butt wipes he won't budge (we use the Cottonelle ones). Seriously though overall he's doing pretty well and now at almost 7 he's pretty self sufficient in that area. Now if we could get 5 yr old DD to consistently remember to wipe after going pee we'd be in good shape. Oddly enough she's never had any problems wiping her own rear end!


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