# Missed miscarriage- last day



## CherylSF (Feb 11, 2014)

We found out earlier this week (I should have been 10 weeks) that the baby's heart had stopped beating around 7 weeks. We were just so shocked and sad, because we had seen a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks, and, naively, I just didn't think anything would go wrong.

This was my second pregnancy. My first had gone very well and I am blessed to have an 11 month old son. I told myself to stress less and be positive about my second pregnancy because I was a paranoid basketcase the first time around, and now I feel like I let my guard down and the unexpected happened.

I considered miscarrying naturally, but the waiting is just too painful and scary for me. I don't feel like I could have handled being at home possibly on my own when it happened. It may sound strange, but I also feel like my baby is lonely inside me, and waiting to be let go.

Tomorrow morning I go into the hospital for a D&C. Today is my last day with my baby and I didn't think it would feel this difficult. I'm scared for tomorrow, both emotionally and physically, but I also want to start moving forward. 

Not many people knew I was pregnant and I haven't actually talked to any friends who have experienced a loss- it's a very isolating feeling. The ironic thing is that there is one person at work I considered confiding in, and she literally came into my office moments ago to tell me she's pregnant. She didn't think it would ever happen for her, so I am genuinely happy and was so excited when she told me. That was a good feeling and a bright spot in my day, in spite of everything. And now I know I can't share my sad news with her.

I just wanted to reach out today. I know I am not alone, but I sure feel it right now.


----------



## DungeonQueen (May 2, 2014)

:[email protected]CherylSF I'm so sorry for your loss and I know how lonely it all seems but you are right that you are not alone in your feelings or suffering there are lots of us here with little angels in heaven. I hope your D&C goes smoothly and you and your family can find peace and healing in the days to fallow, unfortunately losses happen for so many different reasons and none of them are in our control I know its hard not to blame yourself or think of all the "what if's" but try to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time and space to emotionally heal. If you need anything or just have to vent we are here.I know that my first loss was my hardest to get through and I don't know what I would have done without the support of the wonderful mothers here.


----------



## CherylSF (Feb 11, 2014)

DungeonQueen, thank you for words of support


----------



## t2009 (Sep 1, 2009)

@CherylSF, I'm really sorry for your loss. Your experience sounds a lot like mine (early heartbeat & then miscarriage some weeks later). It is so painful but you are not alone at all (as DungeonQueen said), even if there is a certain amount of silence surrounding our grief. I hope that you are on the path of healing & light & that the physical recovery from the D&C is behind you. Hugs!


----------

