# ADD Support Thread *THREE*



## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Our last thread got a bit unweildy, so for our third installment......................

It's late and I'm going to bed. Really.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Oh, and why is it that my ADD seems to get WORSE around the holidays? This is the second year in a row that I picked out my sermon anthems the week of Rosh Hashanah.







:


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

yeah, mine does too...







I just cannot keep that many plates spinning at one tme...it makes me







:

so I am done with this class, and as expected, am completely aimless and unmotivated until I can adjust to the lack of stress.









on a happy note....








: I got my first PPAF!







:

I was hopeing she would show soon, I feel soooo much less foggy! I do need to go to the store for some iron, though..


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## MissMaegie'sMama (Jul 27, 2006)

I'm a diagnosed ADD mama. DS is a diagnosed ADD kiddo (non-hyperactive). Just thought I'd share since I'm new to the thread. I'm definitely going to check out the previous ADD Support Threads. Thanks for starting- I could use a little support.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

subbing..
Was wondering what PPAF was, but I think I figured it out before posting(-:
Jessica


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Shew!

Heh, that's I face, once I get a kid off my lap I should do something constructive/productive, but I don't want to.

Yay, glad you're glad, Heidi. It helps to have PPAF? I'm thrilled for NOT having it. We're at 13 weeks postpartum, so twice as long as the first time so far!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Hello, ladies!

I'm patting myself on the back because I reclaimed about 5 square feet of floor space in the laundry room today. And over came an emotional block.









Two years ago I got it into my head that I would make beer. My mom and dad made beer a few times when I was a kid. I have their old bottle capper. You need a couple of big containers for fermenting, and my girlfriend's husband actually has the proper glass ones, called carboys. They're enormous glass bottles, basically. He lent them to me, I tucked them into the corner of the laundry room and... well, you know what happened.








:

Today I dusted the bottles off and returned them. *Hooray!*

I seriously have a lot of issues about expectations and 'the way things should be' wound up with my mom. She was very talented, creative and hard working. Aside from making beer, she made root beer, canned fruits and vegetables, sewed prolifically, knitted and crocheted, put on fantastic dinners, wall-papered, painted, gardened, and just on and on. And she was good at all of it. And she worked full time (teacher, two months off in the summer).

You know, I don't even like beer _that much._ It feels good to own that.

We had dinner at my brother and sil's home yesterday and we figured out that it's my turn to host Thanksgiving dinner. Yay! I love Thanksgiving!







:
















Our house is a bit of a mess. That's an understatement.







Dh and I stayed up late last night talking about how things got this way and what we think we can do about it. We've had this conversation many times before. But I've been in therapy and have been working _very hard._ I think I've made quite a bit of progress, and it's finally paying off.

I know, returning a couple of objects to their owner and clearing up a corner of the laundry room doesn't sound like a big victory, per se. But it's huge to me.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MissMaegie'sMama* 
I'm a diagnosed ADD mama. DS is a diagnosed ADD kiddo (non-hyperactive). Just thought I'd share since I'm new to the thread. I'm definitely going to check out the previous ADD Support Threads. Thanks for starting- I could use a little support.









Hi! Welcome!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
subbing..
Was wondering what PPAF was, but I think I figured it out before posting(-:
Jessica











Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maggirayne* 
Shew!

Heh, that's I face, once I get a kid off my lap I should do something constructive/productive, but I don't want to.

Yay, glad you're glad, Heidi. It helps to have PPAF? I'm thrilled for NOT having it. We're at 13 weeks postpartum, so twice as long as the first time so far!

glad I'm not the only one, M...once the adrenaline fades, I'm









well, I think the hormonal build up beforehand was causing brain fog. Now that it's here, I feel much clearer. 11 months was long enough!








plus, my pretty mama cloth was just sitting around waiting for me!









now I'm just waiting for my grades...


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Congrats, journeymom! I totally get it - when I can actually get to my piano, I'm thrilled.









Congrats to you, Heidi! I think you're insane, but I'm happy for you!









Feeling very accomplished that I've put EVERY ONE of my students' assignments into the computer tonight.







: That's a first! I need to keep up with this habit.


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

Subbing!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

journeymom....just







:









and







about Thanksgiving...oh my!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Congrats, journeymom! I totally get it - when I can actually get to my piano, I'm thrilled.









Congrats to you, Heidi! I think you're insane, but I'm happy for you!









Feeling very accomplished that I've put EVERY ONE of my students' assignments into the computer tonight.







: That's a first! I need to keep up with this habit.









Sara, you may call me insane...I don't mind, really! Mama cloth makes AF 100% better.







:

gotta run!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

hello!

DS1 demanded that we not go anywhere today!







so we aren't.

so now I need to find soemthing to do for him besides videos.























HHmmmmm.....

I need to start a weekly routine foir him again..it worked so well while I was PG with Ds2..
did I mention that the baby is cutting 6 teeth?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Ouch! That's a lot of teeth.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I really need to clean my house.....oh, sorry, where was I?









I really need to clean my house....


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I made it through Rosh Hashanah. That's the easy one.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Hello, ladies!

I'm patting myself on the back because I reclaimed about 5 square feet of floor space in the laundry room today. And over came an emotional block.









Two years ago I got it into my head that I would make beer. My mom and dad made beer a few times when I was a kid. I have their old bottle capper. You need a couple of big containers for fermenting, and my girlfriend's husband actually has the proper glass ones, called carboys. They're enormous glass bottles, basically. He lent them to me, I tucked them into the corner of the laundry room and... well, you know what happened.








:

Today I dusted the bottles off and returned them. *Hooray!*

I seriously have a lot of issues about expectations and 'the way things should be' wound up with my mom. She was very talented, creative and hard working. Aside from making beer, she made root beer, canned fruits and vegetables, sewed prolifically, knitted and crocheted, put on fantastic dinners, wall-papered, painted, gardened, and just on and on. And she was good at all of it. And she worked full time (teacher, two months off in the summer).

You know, I don't even like beer _that much._ It feels good to own that.

We had dinner at my brother and sil's home yesterday and we figured out that it's my turn to host Thanksgiving dinner. Yay! I love Thanksgiving!







:
















Our house is a bit of a mess. That's an understatement.







Dh and I stayed up late last night talking about how things got this way and what we think we can do about it. We've had this conversation many times before. But I've been in therapy and have been working _very hard._ I think I've made quite a bit of progress, and it's finally paying off.

I know, returning a couple of objects to their owner and clearing up a corner of the laundry room doesn't sound like a big victory, per se. But it's huge to me.

Can I ask a question? how exactly does therapy help with ADD? I'm sorry if that sounded snarky, I don't mean it that way, I really am curious, because I have my first appt with a counseling center on Tuesday and I have no idea what to expect or what direction it should take. I'm just really curious (and nervous) about what to expect but I am hoping for big changes! I cannot stand the state of my life anymore.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I made it through Rosh Hashanah. That's the easy one.


















I'm very proud!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
Can I ask a question? how exactly does therapy help with ADD? I'm sorry if that sounded snarky, I don't mean it that way, I really am curious, because I have my first appt with a counseling center on Tuesday and I have no idea what to expect or what direction it should take. I'm just really curious (and nervous) about what to expect but I am hoping for big changes! I cannot stand the state of my life anymore.

My sister told me to go have Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. THey basically teach you how to think about what you're thinking. It helps with breaking destructive thought cycles...

hhmmmm...*journeymom*, is it a different kind than that?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

hmmm....so it's kind of like talking yourself through life? I do that now, lol. But obviously not very effectively.

Can they offer medication to go along with it? I really think I'm at the point now where I need a little chemical help to get out of my rut and feel better. Or does that alter the effectiveness of being in therapy? Also, how long term is the therapy? I would imagine that it takes a long time of repeated sessions to make a difference. Sorry, I should probably google this, right....


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

You should definitely google 'cognitive behavioral therapy'.

I've tried therapists off and on for 24 years. It was all useless until I started the medications. I'd just sit there and talk about my mother







and while it was nice to get validation some times, 99% of it was a waste of my time.

About 15 years ago I started an antidepressant. About 7 years ago I started a mood stabilizer. They were monumentally helpful. I was able to calm down enough, focus enough, so I didn't fly off the handle every time my kids/husband/dog pissed me off. But notice I took them for _years._ I only started therapy about a year ago. I really think the full benefits of medications aren't realized for a lonnnng time after a person first starts taking them, years later.

I think my present-day therapy wouldn't be nearly so helpful except that I've been on these medications that have helped condition my present state of mind. I wouldn't be able to focus on a thought long enough to benefit from the therapy.

The thing is, I've been doing a lot of self therapy my whole life. I've been observing myself interacting with the world, and wondering why I am the way I am. What does it mean about me that I did this just now?

And, yes, how did my parents, how did my relationship with my mom make me the person I am today?

Read 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. I learned how to catch myself thinking unhelpful thoughts. See my signature, testing my thoughts for accuracy. That's what I'm trying to get in the habit of doing. I tend to 'read minds'. For example, I'll think that if DH says thus and such he really means something else. Which leads to all sorts of distorted conclusions. So I periodically stop and wonder, is he actually being snarky and sarcastic? Should I take offense? Or is he really just curious about why I did something? He loves me. I know I tend to distort. I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

It's really hard work.

I think what my therapist and I are doing is not CBT, it's 'intensive short term dynamic psychotherapy'. From wikipedia:

_ISTDP's primary goal is to help the patient overcome internal resistance to experiencing true feelings about the present and past which have been warded off because they are either too frightening or too painful. The technique is intensive in that it aims to help the patient experience these warded-off feelings to the maximum degree possible; it is short-term in that it tries to achieve this experience as quickly as possible; it is dynamic because it involves working with unconscious forces and transference feelings._

But I've heard over and over that CBT is one of the most helpful types of therapy.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I'm not really sure how the whole counseling thing works quite yet. For me, it started to get a formal diagnosis, and that part just finished. Unfortunatly I have not been able to go to many appts since then (longer story).
My doctor is trying to give me ideas to work on to help me manage the ADD. I have an ADD workbook that he recommended and it does seem like it will be useful.
For examples, it gives concrete strategies to help with general organization- starting an appointment book (or calendar) and having one to-do list, prioritizing it, thinking of your long term goals, breaking things down into pieces.
This is the book he recommended: Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program Client Workbook (Treatments That Work) Steven Safren and other authors
I'm actually looking into coaching too and have subscribed (I think it was $17.00/month) to ADD Classes and have downloaded many of the classes to listen to.
I actually think the coaching would be a little more helpful for me because I like the idea of easier access- I could email a coach a quick question or check in on the phone, but it seems more formal with my therapist, so I'm going weeks/month between appointments. There are individual and group coaching (less expensive) programs. And you can have a virtual coach online or look for one that you can meet face to face with.
The site I found is: http://www.addclasses.com/ although I think I found it off of another site that had some good stuff too.
They have online bookclubs, bootcamps, and support groups, the recorded classes and probably much more.
As with everything, finding someone you work well with is probably most important.
Jessica


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Jessica, that ADHD workbook looks very interesting. Is it something you can use by yourself or is it in conjunction with a therapist?


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

You are supposed to use it with a therapist, but I think it could work well to use it. I think it also recommends asking a partner (or selected other person) to go through it with you. I say I think, because my husband is going through it with me, but I can't remember if the book suggested that or my doctor though it woud be a good idea.

I think using it with a coach would also be fine. I'm not far enough into the book to really know if the main reason to use it with a therapist is for the accountability factor.

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

*jess, and journeymom*- Those are very interesting things you're doing! I am very intrigued by the workbook. I wonder though, I do make lists, and if I'm completely neurotic about them (like lists OF lists







) they do work- for a short time.

Did I tell you all about the certified organizer lady I met at the library? She said that they actually went through specific training on how to coach people who have ADD/ADHD!!! I kept saying things like, "Yeah, I have an organizer/zipper thingy" and she'd interrupt me to ask, "and does it work for you?" (no!)







"Then I tried a calendar for on my fridge-" "and did that work?" (umm- no!)

Oh how I wish I had the money to hire her!









*Journymom*, you said,
"The thing is, I've been doing a lot of self therapy my whole life. I've been observing myself interacting with the world, and wondering why I am the way I am. What does it mean about me that I did this just now? "

And I just went







because when my sister told me abut CBT, I laughed hysterically and told her I'd been doing that my whole life!









would you mind telling me what mood stabiliser you are taking?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

yes, its me again.









I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, _disregard the rest of these rules_ and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.









5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.









9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
yes, its me again.









I have drafted a list of rules which I will be posting on my front door.

HOUSE RULES:

1- in this house, priority is given to the smallest and least capable.

2- if you either have ADD yourself, live with someone who does, have ever answered the door while nursing your baby, or frequently need to wash dishes before you can eat or cook, _disregard the rest of these rules_ and come on in!

3- upon entering my house, you will be greeted with a look of sheer terror. I will begin nervously cleaning around you.

4- You will be offered coffee or tea, but you will have to wait while I wash a spoon and mug.









5- do not under any circumstances ask to use my bathroom. There is Turkey Hill across the street.

6- do not expect to have anywhere to sit.

7- yes, the piles of laundry on the couch are clean.

8- no, no one has ever gotten sick from my cooking.









9- please understand, I love you, but I hate having visitors. Next time you visit, please give me a week's notice, and call ahead before you leave your house. (*If you have ADD, or mommy brain, and read the list anyway, rule 9 excludes you, please feel free to drop by anytime!)

Thank you.

Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Heidi, those are wonderful! _I will begin nervously cleaning around you._ That's totally me. They're all me.

My current mood stabilizer is Lamictal. I've been on it for almost three years. Just a month ago I cut back the dosage. I was feeling like the medication was working too well, now.

1) My kids are 14 and 10 y.o. and are less challenging than when they were little. 2) I'm better at this mothering thing than I used to be. 3) the medication calmed me down enough that I learned how I can behave when I'm not a whirling vortex of anxiety, so I want to see if I can do that on my own, without as much of the medication.

So far so good, though I had a bout of "I'm a horrible mother, my kids are growing up and I still haven't done this and that for them and I'm a big loser" insomnia last night. I haven't had that kind of lying in bed, trying to go to sleep anxiety in a while.

Without as much medication I can laugh a little more, I actually have more expression on my face. I'm a little more irritable, but not unbearably so.

Prior to the Lamictal I took Depakote. It's was even more effective, I guess. I loved it, because I started it when I was in a very dark place, just full of anxiety. It's like a blunt instrument while the Lamictal is more nuanced and precise. I switched from the Depakote to the Lamictal when I felt capable of allowing some real emotions back in.

It's like Depakot was the valve to the water main to the whole house. I shut off the water to the whole house, and it was an enormous relief to be out of the flood. Lamictal controls the water faucets in the house, and some can be open and flowing while others are off. I'm not afraid of being flooded anymore, so I can have the water main back on.

I'll be especially vigilant come January and February when I tend to get very depressed. We'll see what happens. I just want to take as little medication as I can.

===============

Edited to add:

Mopped the entry way/dining room floor yesterday! It's a big expanse of laminate floor. It's always been a drag to mop with the sponge roller mop because it always leaves streaks. You look at it and think, well, at least you can tell she cleaned it.









But I finally picked up one of those rectangular, wide, flat terry-cloth mops. I found some Method floor cleaner on clearance and used them together. The mop is perfect for that stupid floor. It leaves hardly any streaks! It looks clean, not cleaned.

I tell you, though, that floor is a bear to clean, even with the nifty mop. It's just so big. No wonder I never get around to it. Maybe because I add an extra step, and use the Swiffer after I sweep, before I mop.

The Method floor cleaning stuff says it's almond-scented. It smells like baby powder to me.

=============

PS, Heidi, what's Turkey Hill?

May I copy your house rules?


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur.

Sara, my husband is Jewish and I, at one point, wanted to try to do many of the Jewish holidays and customs. I have been too overwhelmed and intimidated to do it, although I did manage to do shabbot often and then after the kids I had been doing it at least monthly, although somehow that has totally slacked off... wow how does that happen?
Plus my husband doesn't really want to 'help', so my incentive is stifled. I mean he'd LOVE it if I did things, but he can't even tell me the basics of what I should do and isn't one to help (or do something himself), so I'd have to read a book, remember it all, try to adapt it to what we could do, and follow a guideline of some sort (or my own list) and go all off in trying not to do too much/be overwhelmed. Not working for me... but I DO oddly feel better relating this to having ADD and realizing its not 'just' me being silly.

Anyways, I was thinking about how the holidays and especially a weekly shabbot would sure mean a lot of planning and preparations for those that are Jewish. I guess that might either be a good learning /practice experience to help someone (with ADD) 'learn' some planning organizing.... or just a constant source of stress/frustration. I was thinking the first, but now really thinking of it and remembering how hard it was for our family to be 'on time' when we went to church weekly, I could see it being #2. And the fact that the calendar is soo different I find is really confusing.
Oh, I remember those times where I realized we didn't have any wine, but I had planned a whole nice shabbot meal. So we improvised with juice. I have actually gone to the grocery store to pick up things for Passover only to discover that almost everything had sold out. And when Hanukkah falls weeks before Christmas I am sooo surprised. So it is probably a good thing that my dh's relatives that are Jewish are all very laid back and my dh doesn't really mind.
As for my family/traditions, I'm always figuring out gifts and gift giving at the last minute, and always up till late the night before Christmas wrapping presents. But I do feel a certain increased discomfort because the Jewish traditions are ones I'm not 'used' to

Anyways, a ramble.... Hope you feel better!
L'shona tova

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Awesome rules! I clean around people, too.

I'm sick, sick, sick with a nasty cold. I have a week to get over this before Yom Kippur. DS has spent the whole morning screaming and whining, and the dog keeps trying to take his food. All I want to do is sleep!

*waiting for DH to get home*









I hope your cold gets better! I hope Toby gets happier! ITU about waiting for DH to come home. I may complain about mine







but I seem to spend an awful lot of time waiting for him to be home!










you know all about my rules! you've been here!









*journeymom*- way to go on the floor.







The method stuff doesn't do so well on old vinyl.







it did work really well to clean the toddler potty tho'









The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and







to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.









You are welcome to my rules!







And Turkey Hill is a gas station/convenience store that magically appear about every 100 yards while driving in Lancaster County.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
The Lamictal sounds ideal...I rarely get into a place I can't CBT my way out of, but I get SO distracted by what I feel, that it'd be nice to have a 'valve' for each 'faucet' , YK? and







to you that you've made it till your dc's are 10 and 14!!!! I'll either have killed mine, or died from exhaustion myself at that point.









Oh! I didn't make it clear.







I started the depakote when my son was 3 years old and my daughter was 7 y.o. We had just moved to this bigger house and my son was, well, very challenging. I sought help when I found myself spanking the kids more and more often, and was angry all the time and was definitely on my way to a spot on the evening news. So I've been taking a mood stabilizer for seven years.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Oh! I didn't make it clear.







I started the depakote when my son was 3 years old and my daughter was 7 y.o. We had just moved to this bigger house and my son was, well, very challenging. I sought help when I found myself spanking the kids more and more often, and was angry all the time and was definitely on my way to a spot on the evening news. So I've been taking a mood stabilizer for seven years.

no that was me! I understood you! I meant that you're still a momma and your kids survived!







I just wonder sometimes how things will be when my dc's are that old, and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!
I think I tend to have more anger problems because of my anxiety, too, so I totally understand.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

_and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!_

Well, I have never put either of my kids' baby photos in albums. I've never put ANY of our photos in albums. So I've got 17 years of marriage, 14 years of parenthood, piled in boxes in the hall closet.

And yes, piles of paperwork that started when we moved 7 years ago. And one box in the garage stuffed with papers from before we moved. I just grabbed the stack, dumped it in the box and shoved it in the moving van.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
_and if my house will be burried under a pile of junk by then!_

Well, I have never put either of my kids' baby photos in albums. I've never put ANY of our photos in albums. So I've got 17 years of marriage, 14 years of parenthood, piled in boxes in the hall closet.

And yes, piles of paperwork that started when we moved 7 years ago. And one box in the garage stuffed with papers from before we moved. I just grabbed the stack, dumped it in the box and shoved it in the moving van.

Check out this site. When I saw it in the WSJ, I scoffed, but I thought - wow. That would take all those photos I keep putting off scanning and make sure they don't sit around for another 20 years..................


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

There's Scan Cafe, too. For comparison.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

we've designated fall as getr id of stuff time.

we'll see how much we get done.

does anyone else experience the phenomenon where when time is of the essence and YOU kick it into high gear to get stuff doen, veryone else slows to a crawl?

This happens with DH so much...am I in hyper speed? or is he really just slowing way down?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

is anybody around?


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Hello all, I may have posted on one of these thread at some point, but I don't remember! I've suspected for a LONG time that I have ADD. Like 10 years. But I've never been diagnosed. Well, I am currently at the end of my rope (again). There are just so many problems in my life related to this that I feel like I'm fed up and it's time to do something about it. My relationship is rocky, I am not being the parent I would like to be and I am just SO overwhelmed with life I feel like I just can't function anymore. I've taken many online "tests" that "diagnose" and each time it's clear that what is going on in my head is NOT normal.

So my questions have to do with diagnosis. How does one go about getting that? I have very basic state health insurance. I don't really have a "doctor" that knows me. Also, what are the benefits to getting diagnosed? I am SO reluctant to go on meds. I always said I wouldn't go on meds for depression, mental health, whatever but I'm at the point where I think my family deserves to have a healthy, stable person in their lives.

Also, if you were recently diagnosed, did that help the people in your family understand you more? DP gets so frustrated with me and my messy, crazy ways. He just doesn't understand how I can do (or not do) some of the things I do. He's very structured, very black and white. So are his parents. I just don't function that way, but I feel like I want to. It seems so pleasant and stress-free. I dream about everything being all organized and a nice, structured routine day and each morning I wake up with such high hopes. But then the 4yo is asking a million questions and wants to do everything himself and the 10mo is whining and crying and I just about go nuts. I yell WAY too often. I'm harsh WAY too often. I just hope I haven't messed up my kids too much yet









I just want my brain to STOP!! Stop thinking!! Enough already!! I have lists upon lists upon lists in my head and on paper and that still doesn't stop the thinking. It's all I can do to just get through the day and do the bare minimum. I feel like I am just hanging on by a thread.

Sorry to barge in here like this but I just can't take anymore. Clearly I need to do more journaling! So my question is this...how do you get diagnosed, what are the advantages to being diagnosed, what can I do to help that is not medication or do you strongly suggest it even if just for a little while? Thanks ladies.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

*Cody'smomma*- First, you're not barging, and even if you were, we'd understand!








Second




























I have BTDT way too many times. Especilly the losing it and being harsh and then wondering who that person just was.









And you are so right, your babies need a healthy momma NOW. As far as going about getting a diagnoses, if you have a PPO plan, or a plan that allows you to just go see a specialist, then google psychiatrists in your area, and call a few. It's kind of like diving off the high dive, you have to just DO it.







If you can fnd one that has a specialty in women or in ADD/ADHD or Autism spectrum disorders, all the better. If you need a referal, agin, make an appointment with a PCP and ask for a referral. Write your most bothersome, or typical syptoms down and take them along.

My diagnoses has only been helpful to *me*, so far.

I tried Ritalin and the side efects were awful. I have realized recently though, that I cannot keep avoiding meds...so I will be making appointments soon, myself.

Just know that you are not the only one who is facing this decision right now. For a very long time I have gotten by on vitamins and herbs, and on making ure got the rest I needed. But I can't get the rest I need as momma. And I am having to add more vitamins, and other things as my 'therapies' are losing their effect.

A diagnoses can aid in getting your insurance top cover counselling, which IMHO is one of the best tools for living happily as a 'compulsive thinker'.








I also need someone to talk to about the trash in my head, and DH can't be my therapist.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Hey,







cody'smomma! Another compulsive thinker here. I barely cope with it, and haven't been diagnosed, so Heidi's advice is much better than anything I could tell you. Just offering hugs and commiseration.








everyone! We've been pretty quiet....


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## pookel (May 6, 2006)

"Compulsive thinker"! I like it.

Even if you're not going to take drugs, I think a diagnosis is really useful. It helps just to have someone else confirm what you think is going on, you know? It's also useful if your kids start showing some of the same symptoms.

I totally feel you on the list-making thing. I make great lists. Lovely, wonderful plans for things to do. The actual things .... don't so much get done.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Thanks ladies. I do feel better today, even just in really accepting the fact that this is what I do have. It makes me be more patient with myself and more accepting. I had DP look at the online quiz I took yesterday and he was shocked how many of the questions are so like me. I feel that this will help him to more patience with me as well.

So some things I'm trying today are to do things when I think about them, or more or less, finish something I am doing even though I start to think about something else. Like, I was looking for $5 and I needed a couple more ones so I started to go to my change jar and then I started thinking about needing to do something else, like start laundry, fold clothes or something and instead of getting all flustered and overwhelmed, I decided to just finish getting the $$ and if I got around to doing laundry later, great. If I forgot, then oh well. Time to stop beating myself up.

The other thing that I REALLY need to do is get off the computer. The internet is an ADD person's dream. Open new tab, search for something, open another tab, search for something else. I usually have 10+ tabs open at one time! What really made me realize this is that when I got home from preschool today, I was all happy and in a good mood. I sat down to nurse at the computer and started to read someone's blog and when I got up I immediately started to feel all icky inside. I realized that when I read others' blogs who seem to have it all together, living the kind of life I want, it makes me feel really bad about myself. So I shut all the tabs are started doing something else. The only thing I allowed myself to do was come here and post!!

I'll be keeping up with this thread and our journey with our crazy brains!!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
The only thing I allowed myself to do was come here and post!!

That's an awesome accomplishement! I always try to do that but always spend more time than I should (and don't stick to my one goal).

Jessica


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Well, don't worry! Here I am, back again. But at least I haven't been here the whole time, which is what I usually do. I know it is unrealistic to expect myself to never get online during the day. There have been a few days where I make DP hide the modem cord when I start to feel out of control.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Kinda like I made DH hide my credit card a couple of years ago...









Hi everyone! (it has been quiet...







)

I have had to just focus on being a peaceful momma today. It's been a bit tricky, but I did manage to make bread in the breadmaker, load and run the dishwasher, and make a good breakfast and a good lunch for the boys. I also made another sandpaper letter for DS1, and supervised him while he played with glue and paper for a bit. And we got outside for bit too. (the house is a mess, though)

Tomorrow is library day, and knitting circle...I need to get sme laundry done!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
I need to get sme laundry done!









Wait.......... you're doing my laundry??????????????









My dad comes in tonight, and I have my 12w appointment in MD, a piano lesson, and then a wedding rehearsal tonight. UGH. No idea when this house is going to get clean (and here i sit online..............).


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Wait.......... you're doing my laundry??????????????









My dad comes in tonight, and I have my 12w appointment in MD, a piano lesson, and then a wedding rehearsal tonight. UGH. No idea when this house is going to get clean (and here i sit online..............).









geee, you've got enough going on, don't you? You're going to Maryland for prenatal care?


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## LilMamiBella (Nov 13, 2002)

A lot of these posts sound like me. Especially the house rules post. I haven't been diagnosed but ds10 was just diagnosed. The doc said it was inattentive add or ADHD. I can't remember because the dr said he doesn't like to give labels. He recommended that we motivate ds with rewards and he's starting on the lowest dose of Ritalin. Rewards would be like dance class, guitar class,etc. So far it does seem like he's calmer and is focusing better. I've noticed less yelling from me! His teachers told me 3 years ago to get him diagnosed. I was reluctant about putting him on meds. So I took him out of school and homeschooled him. I tried doing the feingold diet and cod liver oil but didn't see a difference. I was calling dh every day at work to complain about ds. I finally said that we need to see a dr and maybe he'll give us some ideas. Ds was resistant to seeing the dr. But his dr is a really funny dr and that helped. Ds even said to me I've been good all day mommy! So I'm glad to finally have gotten a diagnosis.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I'm glad for you, *LilMamiBella*! Those house rules are funny aren't they?! I was entirely serious when I wrote them, too...hehehe...









I hope your DS does very well on the meds.


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## LilMamiBella (Nov 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 







I'm glad for you, *LilMamiBella*! Those house rules are funny aren't they?! I was entirely serious when I wrote them, too...hehehe...









I hope your DS does very well on the meds.


Thanks Heidi. Dh says I wouldn't have this problem with people coming over if I just kept the house clean. He says it like its an easy thing and like it'll stay clean when I'm done.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LilMamiBella* 
Thanks Heidi. Dh says I wouldn't have this problem with people coming over if I just kept the house clean. He says it like its an easy thing and like it'll stay clean when I'm done.









stay clean? on what planet?


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LilMamiBella* 
Thanks Heidi. Dh says I wouldn't have this problem with people coming over if I just kept the house clean. He says it like its an easy thing and like it'll stay clean when I'm done.











Do you have the same DH as I do? The one who will finish a bag of cereal and then leave the empty bag on the table for the animals to get and scatter around the house? And then the same DH who will go "this house is always so dirty!" as if he had nothing to do with it?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

hey, I just had to share this because it's so odd...

I've been having a really steady, stable and productive last two days.







I have no idea why.

I have been a good mommy, and have not forgotten anything important. I have been creative and happy. I also have not taken any of my usual vitamins except for my valerian at night.








I really wish I knew what was going on.

off to bed with me...


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Heidi- I don't know but it seems like the same thing happened to me last week! Only I was thinking it was because I finally got around to doing something (making a phone call) that I had been putting off for awhile. I didn't realize how on edge I was having that hanging over my head. However now the person has not called me back yet and that feeling is creeping back in. MUST call today!!

I hope that you continued to feel relaxed and stable! I have also been feeling like a more patient mommy (not this morning though!). I really want to get around to reading the parenting books that I bought recently but we all know how that goes...


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
So some things I'm trying today are to do things when I think about them, or more or less, finish something I am doing even though I start to think about something else. Like, I was looking for $5 and I needed a couple more ones so I started to go to my change jar and then I started thinking about needing to do something else, like start laundry, fold clothes or something and instead of getting all flustered and overwhelmed, I decided to just finish getting the $$ and if I got around to doing laundry later, great. If I forgot, then oh well. Time to stop beating myself up.

The other thing that I REALLY need to do is get off the computer. The internet is an ADD person's dream. Open new tab, search for something, open another tab, search for something else. I usually have 10+ tabs open at one time! What really made me realize this is that when I got home from preschool today, I was all happy and in a good mood. I sat down to nurse at the computer and started to read someone's blog and when I got up I immediately started to feel all icky inside. I realized that when I read others' blogs who seem to have it all together, living the kind of life I want, it makes me feel really bad about myself. So I shut all the tabs are started doing something else. The only thing I allowed myself to do was come here and post!!

HAHAHAHA, I currently have 32 tabs open.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LilMamiBella* 
Thanks Heidi. Dh says I wouldn't have this problem with people coming over if I just kept the house clean. He says it like its an easy thing and like it'll stay clean when I'm done.

I am motivated to clean IF someone is coming. But stay clean, sigh,

I forgot to sub, lol, so that's why I was MIA.

Welcome, Cody's Momma and LilMamiBella!

Hey Sara, what if you edited the opening post, (I know, I know, something else to do, sorry) so mamas know this is for anyone w/ADD? Not just our chatter page.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

32 tabs!!!!!!!!

Wow!
I feel like the computer will explode if I open more than 5!









it's back to old foggy headed heidi...







But it's OK...at least this person is familiar.









I'm heading toward class again, hoping to get the house in order a bit before it starts. I already have my books, and have started reading them. I hope that will put me in a less stressful place.

The house is done!!







We have heat again!







Matt got a new job with benefits and paid time off!!!























OTOH......

AF is a week late...


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
OTOH......

AF is a week late...









Eeep!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

smee, you're a riot.







eep, is right.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Yay for you! And Matt's job!








Are you gonna POAS?


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

POAS! Do it! Inquiring minds must know!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

oh oh oh, i figured it out I figured it out.. I hope I hope... hand in the air widly waving...

Pee On A Stick????

((hugs))


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

well, I POAS.....

it was negative (insert hugely relieved smilycon here)

understand, we want more kids in the future...but my world is a mess right now, and DH and I want some time to get things straight budget wise, spendsome time on ourselves (







) get the house cleaned up a bit, etc. I actually called my momma in tears....she had lots of sympathy for us.

The drama however is not over, because AF is still not here, and nowhere in sight. I will POAS again on Monday...so I'll let you all know then....


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Happy Busy Weekend everyone!

(bump)


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Heidi!

Isn't this only your 2nd PPAF? My cycles were wonky and long for a bit... you may just be slowly regulating back to normal.

Hoping you get a negative on Monday.


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## zipworth (Jun 26, 2002)

OMG! I have found my people! I will post after frantically cleaning the house


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

welcome!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zipworth* 
OMG! I have found my people! I will post after frantically cleaning the house
























Welcome!


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Hey all! So after my last post I went and checked out every ADD book from the library. It is amazing how much they resonate with me. I'm not ready to try meds yet, I am breastfeeding and I'm just not willing to risk it. I'm going to try some other things first. I do have a question for you ladies, though. How on EARTH do you remember to take pills? I am SO bad with it. I can be good for like a day or so, but even with the little pill box, I have a really hard time remembering. That's why I could never do birth control pills, cause I would forget and then it messed with me pretty bad. Also, now that I know what my problem is, I can see the things I do that are causing problems in my relationship. Being impulsive with my words, quick to anger...I was hoping that knowing this would help DP to be a little more understanding (not that I'm not trying to work on it) but I still feel like he thinks I should be a certain way (not going to happen unless maybe I'm on meds). How do I get him to understand that who I am is not going to go away? I can "work" on certain things till I'm blue in the face and the fact of the matter is, my brain cannot "do" things the way he thinks it should.

Anyway, hope you're all having a lovely weekend! Oh, also, do you guys go to any other sites, like forums for ADDers? Thanks!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hah! A forum for ADD'ers! that'd be a good idea! (never thought of that! heheh)

As far as remembering to take pills...when I'm pregnant, DH puts a sticky note on the coffee pot! I have found though, that using my hyperfocus, I CAN create habits one at a time. I basically create a compulsion to do soemthing.









Keys- I designated a basket and put it right inside my door. All of my keys are on one ring (except my Church key). Immediately upon entering, I put my keys in the basket. In the ten years since I began this habit I have only locked myself out of my house four times. Now, for me that's a huge success.









Vitamins- same thing. Come downstairs, take vits, pour coffee and cereal. Make lunch, take vits. It has to be very simple. It's easy to notice when I'm hungry, so that's when I take my vitamins.

These are the only two things I have successfully created a habit for.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Hey, zipworth!

codysmama - but who would moderate such a forum???? I'd totally WANT to moderate, but never get around to it.









There are websites that e-mail you reminders - I used that when I was pg with DS for my vitamins. (I'm a compulsive computer-user







)

Heidi, any POAS updates?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

POAS update.... (by the way you all will be sick of this by the time I have anything figured out) yesterday AM....Negative.

BUT- and this is a HUGE BUT, I got four negs w/Milo before I got a BFP, yes four, and I KNEW I was Pregnant.







so this is at best inconclusive.

On a different subject- as of Nov. 2 we will have insurance.







DH and I are both going to be seeing counsellors- he for Aperger's testing (and anger), and me for my ADD/Anxiety.

I am very excited for the Holiday Season to begin. We will be able to do a small but respectable Christmas this year.









And class starts in two weeks.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
POAS update.... (by the way you all will be sick of this by the time I have anything figured out) yesterday AM....Negative.

BUT- and this is a HUGE BUT, I got four negs w/Milo before I got a BFP, yes four, and I KNEW I was Pregnant.







so this is at best inconclusive.

So are you getting that feeling again? Keep in mind that even if you ARE pregnant again (and the timing's not so good), you won't have baby for another 8 months or so, right? So at least it's not immediate baby, you know? Small comfort, but a bit of comfort nonetheless.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
On a different subject- as of Nov. 2 we will have insurance.







DH and I are both going to be seeing counsellors- he for Aperger's testing (and anger), and me for my ADD/Anxiety.

I am very excited for the Holiday Season to begin. We will be able to do a small but respectable Christmas this year.









And class starts in two weeks.









Yay for insurance! It always amazes me that we're so similar, Heidi. I'm pretty sure DH is a mild Aspie as well and he gets frustrated and angry soooo quickly that it's shocking. And, well, you ALL know my ADD/anxiety stuff.









I'm actually wondering about starting Lexapro to ward off PPD (which I had with DS) immediately postpartum. I'm also planning on encapsulating my placenta (no idea how THAT is going to work), because I don't care how gross it sounds to me, if it keeps me from PPD again, I'll do it.

And yay for modest Christmas! We actually have a Christmas tree that's really nice that DH bought the first year we were married and we haven't put up since. Do you want it for this year, or will you do a real tree?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Ohhhh, real tree for sure!







DH and I might even be able to get each other gifts!









Do you take an Omega three supplement? I took one while pregnant with Milo, and it helped immensely. Less Mommy Brain, more even keeled emotions during PG, too. I had a good PP time after Milo, especially considering the situation we were in, with DH having lost his job, no insurance, etc. I got a softchew type.

No, I'm OK, now about a maybe baby...I wasn't, I was scared. But as I look back over the last year, and I see how God has taken care of us, I can trust that He will continue. DH has started looking for a bigger car.







And yes, I have some familiar symptoms. I won't go into details here!









Smee- about your DH, it does explain a lot doesn't it? I wonder if the anger is triggered by the whole 'missing social cues' thing? Always feeling half a beat behind? I have felt that myself, especially in group conversations and it is unnerving and embarrassing. The more He talked about it, the clearer it became to him.

'que sera, sera'


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
oh oh oh, i figured it out I figured it out.. I hope I hope... hand in the air widly waving...

Pee On A Stick????











Quote:


Originally Posted by *zipworth* 
OMG! I have found my people! I will post after frantically cleaning the house
















Welcome!
Ha, I babysat today just to get motivated to clean. :doh I am sooooo glad I don't have twins.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
codysmama - but who would moderate such a forum???? I'd totally WANT to moderate, but never get around to it.









There are websites that e-mail you reminders - I used that when I was pg with DS for my vitamins. (I'm a compulsive computer-user







)

Really? where?

Rofl, someone who wasn't ADD?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
POAS update.... (by the way you all will be sick of this by the time I have anything figured out) yesterday AM....Negative

Naw. . . I got 3 negs w/A, knew I was. And that was 5 weeks after LMP, I mean, ovulating was 3 weeks after, but that was after my arm breaking and was wonky. But I looked at one a couplr hours later and saw that faint line, hadn't been looking, waaaah, it's too late at night to get another test! Dark a week later.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I'm actually wondering about starting Lexapro to ward off PPD (which I had with DS) immediately postpartum. I'm also planning on encapsulating my placenta (no idea how THAT is going to work), because I don't care how gross it sounds to me, if it keeps me from PPD again, I'll do it.

I did mine, haven't ground and encapsulated it. I seriously need to be taking it. Or get AF--yeah right.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I cleaned off the top of the toy shelves today!







Now Henry's crafts and 'school' stuff is up there. I wanted to get more done today, but the washing machine has malfunctioned, and it kind of threw me off.







Oh, I did get the sewing room/toy room/living room cleaned up and all the toys put away. It still needs vacuumed though.

Man, I feel like I could sleep for week.







:yawning This grey day has really gotten too me. I have officially recovered my sense of humor about this whole







thing.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Heidi-that's great about insurance! Nice to know you can actually DO something.

I made a Dr. appt for tomorrow for a referral to a psychologist/mental health counselor/what have you. I'm amazed that I actually did it and didn't put it off for months! But I have just had it. I don't even want drugs I just want to talk to someone. It's like, as soon as I really embraced my self-diagnosis, so many things started to make sense. And I'm wondering if I don't also have adrenal fatigue from the years of stressing myself out to get anything done.

Which brings me to today, I had a SUPER crappy day, headache, overwhelmed with messiness...and as I was driving to pick up my co-op order, it dawned on me that I was feeling super depressed about having ADD. Because all this time I've thought, oh in a few years when the kids get older, I'll be able to get my s*** together. Or, someday, I'll be organized and have the life I picture and won't have to struggle. But the fact is, I'll ALWAYS struggle. My brain will always be this way. And I guess it was just super depressing to realize that I will have to struggle with my ways forever. On the other hand, it also makes me realize that I really do need to take control and help myself out rather than playing the lazy victim. DP is so good though. When he came home I was curled up on the couch, kids running wild. He brought me some pain meds for the headache and then proceeded to cook dinner (mac and cheese!), do the dishes and pick up a bit. Ah, it was wonderful to have a short nap and not have to THINK for two seconds.

Also, I've come to the conclusion that I will NOT be taking over the board treasurer position for preschool next year. I do NOT need to do that to myself. And I should not feel bad about it.

Anyway, sorry to go off there, but this is the first thread I think of lately when I want to vent!

Oh, by ADD forums I meant like I've gone to these ADD sites lately (can we say, hyperfocus??) and trying to get a glimpse into others' add lives and how they cope. Like ADDerworld and yahoo groups of ADD women and stuff. Just trying to connect and get help!!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:

by *cody'smomma*
Which brings me to today, I had a SUPER crappy day, headache, overwhelmed with messiness...and as I was driving to pick up my co-op order, it dawned on me that I was feeling super depressed about having ADD. _Because all this time I've thought, oh in a few years when the kids get older, I'll be able to get my s*** together. Or, someday, I'll be organized and have the life I picture and won't have to struggle. But the fact is, I'll ALWAYS struggle. My brain will always be this way._ And I guess it was just super depressing to realize that I will have to struggle with my ways forever. On the other hand, it also makes me realize that I really do need to take control and help myself
big, big







to you. THis was a rough patch for me too, when I went through it. It's easy to stay in one 'place' and not start anything....I call it being a victim of my own inertia. an object at rest stays at rest, etc. etc..... I aplaud you for getting something done bout it.

I too, just need to talk to someone about it.

and







for DP's who can cook!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

BTW......

AF is here.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I've found my way back to this thread......I have an appt to meet with a therapist tomorrow and I'm really hoping that I make it work with this one, because he is totally bending the rules for me as far insurance so that I can afford to see him, and if I can't go there then there will be no therapy at all. And I know I need it for a variety of reasons that are too exhausting to even ennumerate.

One question for you all who have done therapy: did you focus on the ADD and then find that your other issues resolved (like anxiety, depression, etc) or did you do therapy for another issue or a specific problem (like, for example, I'm staying with mom and it's extremely stressful) and that in turn helped you to cope with ADD? Does that make sense? He asked me to decide what I wanted to work on first, because there are so many issues, and I was kind of thinking to myself "um....you're the professional....you tell me!"

On a positive note I actually forced myself to get up and go out today with ds. I didn't clean the house like my mom wanted







but I did manage to go to a job interview (on the bus, with ds, no small feat in this city that doesn't believe in reliable public transit), call about a dozen more prospective jobs when we got home, and cook dinner for everyone.....cajun chicken, rice and sweet potatoes. And then I got into a yelling match with my mom and we all ended up eating dinner in separate rooms.







But hey, life isn't perfect, lol.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Yay for AF!

waiting, no help here. No therapy for me.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

oops, lol, I missed that the first time around. I saw the "BTW..." and I kept saying, btw _what_? lol

glad to see AF finally showed up!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
oops, lol, I missed that the first time around. I saw the "BTW..." and I kept saying, btw _what_? lol

glad to see AF finally showed up!











When I did therapy, it was so long ago...I was a teenager! I don't even remember what we 'counselled' about!









IDK...... good luck! yay for you for going on a job interveiw with your ds AND making yummy dinner!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
Because all this time I've thought, oh in a few years when the kids get older, I'll be able to get my s*** together. Or, someday, I'll be organized and have the life I picture and won't have to struggle.

I can totally relate.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
One question for you all who have done therapy: did you focus on the ADD and then find that your other issues resolved (like anxiety, depression, etc) or did you do therapy for another issue or a specific problem (like, for example, I'm staying with mom and it's extremely stressful) and that in turn helped you to cope with ADD? Does that make sense? He asked me to decide what I wanted to work on first, because there are so many issues, and I was kind of thinking to myself "um....you're the professional....you tell me!"

With one therapist I tried focusing on the ADHD and how to cope with it. I was supposed to fill my 'tool box' with solutions.

With my current therapist I am focusing on my past and how it affects my present. It's more the stereotypical talk therapy. I'm having more success with my current therapy.

For me it's been more helpful to focus on all kinds of emotional issues. All the tips in the world for coping with adhd will not help me if I keep banging my head on these deep seated issues: self-esteem at the bottom of the barrel, self-loathing, fear of dealing with the public, fear of failure.

It's like when you read those inspiring articles in the glossy magazines about organizing your closet, complete with great photos of rows of expensive organizer boxes, neatly labeled. You go to replicate that in your own closet but-

It takes forever to get started. You can't afford the nifty boxes anyway. You don't know what to do with the 7 y.o. stack of papers. The kite that you bought last March that you never used because that would entail organizing an outing sends you into a blue funk of regret. You put some coats the kids have outgrown into a bag to give to charity and notice it's time to pick the kids up from school.

So you shove the bag into the closet, bury the offending kite in the back where you can't see it, shut the door and go get the kids.

I'm making a little more headway discussing my childhood and teen years and my experience with new motherhood. I'm better understanding why I think the way I do, why I put off cleaning the house or making appointments and all that. Believe it or not, understanding my relationship with my mom from when I was 13 y.o. does have bearing on why I never get around to painting the living room.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Believe it or not, understanding my relationship with my mom from when I was 13 y.o. does have bearing on why I never get around to painting the living room.

Oh my gosh, yes. I find that things are worst when I'm deliberately NOT talking about something. When things are getting out, regardless of whether it's stressful or great, I get more stuff done.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

hmmm...journeymom....i think the therapy I'm doing is along the lines of understanding the past. It's weird because it is sort of a relief to talk about it, honestly, and not get blown off, but at the same time, having been raised in the "suck-it-up, don't wallow" mentality, every time I think about talking about my past with someone for 45 minutes, I think to myself "I should really be DOING something right now instead of sitting here whining about stuff that happened 15 years ago."


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

i've been reading this and some other ADD posts on mdc and around the web for the last few weeks and i am feeling so relieved to have found you all! i finally understand why i am the way that i am. its ADD. to a t. i cant believe i spent the last 10 years of my life thinking i was lazy and completely unmotivated and absolutely stupid. wow. what a realization!

that said, im ready for a diagnosis and i want to look into meds. i am still nursing my 16 mo. anybody take meds while nursing a toddler? which ones? i work ft so he really only nurses at night.

also, how do i go about this? i have a well woman check on the 23rd and could talk to my ob/gyn about all of this. but i almost feel like i cant hold out until then.

i recently became a single mama and this has really helped me to realize how negatively affected i am by the ADD. my house is a total disaster. i can not keep up with it. at all. we cant get out the door. i forget my sons food at home almost everyday. and i feel so depressed and overwhelmed by it that when i do have time to work on something i just sit on the couch and zone on the tv.

i really feel like i need to try medication to kick start myself. i am starting to suffer at work, where i use to be able to hyper focus but not anymore. now i just surf the web all day (guess where i am right now!) and only get anything done when my deadline is the next day. i want to start online classes in the spring and i know that without help and organization i will end up dropping them and losing my financial aid money.

and on top of all that i am falling in love with a dear friend and the last thing i want to do is invite him into my ADD mess. he is super clean and my house... well. i guess he is my adderall or what have you because its only clean when he is about to come over. and i only finish work in a timely manner when i want to get out of here early to go and see him. but i don't want him to think i am something i am not. ADD is a large part of why my last relationship didn't work out, although i think this man would be much more sensitive to the effects of ADD then my last partner who just figured i was lazy and didn't care enough about him to keep the house clean.

anyway, ::gulp::. hi


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi all...

*kristinekristine*- Welcome!







the more the merrier!








YOu said so many things in your intro post that I totally relate to. One of the reasons I need to get counselling right now, and possibly meds, is that my ADD is affecting my relationship with DH. And i can't keep the house clean, which affects my self esteem which affects the way I can communicate ...etc. etc. ad nauseum.















to you about your previous relationship...

*journeymom-* YOur post is me... What can I say....i would seriously love to rent a dumpster, and just trash more than half the stuff in my house.







I just can't deal with it anymore.

*waiting2bemommy*- I was raised in the same environment. Suck it up, don't complain (even if there's a legitmate cause- I mean ESPECIALLY if there's a legitimate cause!) if a first you don't succeed try try again.....







All that did was reinforce the feeling that I must be stupid or crazy, because nonone else seemed to be having such a hard time with life as I was, so there must be something wrong w/me, right?







Couple that with hearing, "you're smart! you could DO it if you REALLY tried!"

Unfortunately this carries over into how I treat DH, even though I try not to, I still find myself spouting at him all the insane bull----- that my mother spouted at me.







Not that he hadn't already heard enough of that growing up already!


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

after a terribly long search with lots of dead ends i finally have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow! but now i'm freezing up! what do i say? i printed off some articles and add symptoms that i identify with but i'm feeling really nervous now. i mean things are really out of control and i need help but i am scared to admit that, especially as a single parent what if she thinks i'm not well enough for him? or what if i lie and she thinks i'm not bad off enough for meds?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kristinekristine* 
after a terribly long search with lots of dead ends i finally have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow! but now i'm freezing up! what do i say? i printed off some articles and add symptoms that i identify with but i'm feeling really nervous now. i mean things are really out of control and i need help but i am scared to admit that, especially as a single parent what if she thinks i'm not well enough for him? or what if i lie and she thinks i'm not bad off enough for meds?

you took the words right out of my mouth! I find myself censoring a lot of what I say in therapy because a lot of my issues revolve around my parenting. I get nervous because they are mandated reporters. You know, like saying (even in total jest) "I was so aggravated I wanted to smack him!" or something like that, it can be interpreted wrong. *you* know you wouldn't actually do it but it could be taken the wrong way. But since I know I don't have the brain-to-mouth filter that other people have, I'm always extra careful about what I say about my ds. I'm sure that is impeding my therapy, but







.

Oh and I would think that asking for meds is a good thing, right? It shows a definite desire to help yourself be better for your child. I don't think they would judge you as a parent for taking medication. I mean, they couldn't take him away if you took blood pressure medication, or were having chemotherapy, right? It's the same thing, we have a disorder, problem, whatever and we need medication in order to function optimally.

Other than that, good luck! Let us know how it goes.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

write it out? gives you a chance to reveiw/edit.

nak


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

well it didnt go after all because my insurance is apparently terrible. they will cover $50 and the intial evaluation is $350, oy! so now im not sure what to do. there is one other place but they are only accepting state health care rigth now (i make too much to qualify) and the other community health center will do counseling on a sliding scale but they wont prescribe ADD meds for anyone over age 21.









is it possible to get a diagnosis and medication from a regular md? i used to see this kind of snarky guy when i was a kid, i could go to him i suppose? and then pair it with counseling at the other place becaase i probably do need that anyway.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I am so sorry!

I don't know if a PCP can diagnose and prescribe for ADD adults, though, some do for kids.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Well, of course I've been meaning to reply to all of you on this thread and I keep putting it off! I've even hit post reply a couple of times but then I start getting overwhelmed at all the things I want to reply to...typical.

*kristine*-that sucks! I'm not sure about getting a diagnosis from a regular md, I suppose it's possible.

I too have finally made the first steps. I went to my doctor (who I've only seen once before) and I was so relieved that she didn't look at me like I was some weirdo. I told her everything and so she is getting me a referral to a psychiatrist. Awesome. Plus I broke down and told my sister one day and she totally got it and did not say Oh, you're just imagining things, or Everyone is like that. We actually both realize that our dad probably has ADD and self-medicates.

*Journeymom* was talking about cleaning stuff out and getting overwhelmed or have it bring up so many feelings of "oh that's right I forgot to do...." I am so there. Mostly it's jeez, it's been four years since my oldest was born and I still don't have a "routine" or have our days go the way I picture. No, I tend to ignore him while I'm reading something or trying to get something done. It's like I don't know how to do more than one thing. I can psych myself up to do the dishes, but then I'm too mentally tired to come up with any fun things to do with him. That's probably why I like his preschool so much, I can ship him off and he gets all kinds of awesome learning opportunities that I am too muddled to provide at home.

On the other hand, maybe I am not giving myself enough credit? I decided that one thing I REALLY need to do for myself is to start journalling again. If I could just get a half hour to myself daily (not too much to ask, I don't think) I feel it would really help me with all the constant thoughts I have. I feel if I write them down, maybe they'll kind of go away.

So this was all over the place, but jeez, what should we expect?


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## LilMamiBella (Nov 13, 2002)

is it possible to get a diagnosis and medication from a regular md? i used to see this kind of snarky guy when i was a kid, i could go to him i suppose? and then pair it with counseling at the other place becaase i probably do need that anyway.[/QUOTE]

My son was diagnosed through his pediatrician and he prescribed him meds. We paid $115 out of pocket for the diagnosis and $4 for the prescription. I'm thinking that a general doctor probably could diagnose you.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

cody's momma wow I could have written that post myself. I have these fabulous ideas in my head where we get up, eat breakfast, clean up behind ourselves and then start off on some terrific learning adventure somewhere or even doing fun things at home. I play with ds but like you said after 2 years our days are still not consistently the way I picture them. I feel doubly worse because my child happens to thrive on structure and consistency and I don't think I'm providing it.

I can EITHER go through the daily routine (eat, park, snack, play, etc) properly but without being able to truly engage him and be in the moment, or I sort of go through the routine, throwing in a couple fun, spontaneous ideas that hold BOTH our attention, but end up with a mess that I'm too overwhelmed to clean up, or leave me too mentally tired to do the rest of the day "right" and then I'm zoned out.. I feel like an idiot that my two year old spends longer on his activities and with more interest than ME.

ETA: I have also gotten ADD meds from a regular doctor (when I was much younger though, like 12). And you didn't hear it from me but a lot of people self-medicate although it can get expensive if you don't have a good source for getting your meds from. It's usually adderall or ritalin though, the more effective drugs like strattera are harder to get.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

As far as routine goes, DS1 thrives on it too. ALthough lately, he has declared that, 'x isn' fun anymore' and resisting. So even though I really want to go to the library, or I want for him to be able to go to the library, we don't go. Or we wait.

It has helped me to think of my week and my day as a set of interchangeable units. And really both of us can only handle about 1-2 activities per day. That means, grocery trip OR library, not both. or am- walk to stream, pm- library. If we planned on doing something, but we just can't get out the door, we can do it later. I try to have 2 social days per week and 1 home day.









I guess it's about setting realistic goals. I have surprised myself on more than one occasion by how much gets accomplished if I take things one minute at a time.

AAM- Class starts Monday. It's up today actually, and if I was high speed like that, I could log on and start working tonight.

There is so much that needed done before now, and I just COULD. NOT. DO. IT.







I feel like I'm starting out behind...exhausted already, and it's just begun. I have no idea how I will get through the next 6 weeks.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Bump.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Happy almost-Thanksgiving for the Americans on here! Anyone freaking out over T-giving prep? I'm lucky that I just help out at DH's aunt's house because everyone has been going over there since time immemorial.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

lucky! I will do a lot of the side dishes, and my Gram will do the turkey.
She just can't do as much as she would like. It'll just be me, DH and the ds's and my cousin's exhubby and his son and sister, and my Gram. Missing my family...









And the inlaws are already mad that we're not doing thanksgiving w/them.
















This class seems like it'll be easy. We're all getting over the Flu, plus I have a sinus infection and now I have a plugged duct.

it never rains but it pours.


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

thanks for all the advice ladies!

i went to my doctor today. he was really nice to me for a change! we talked, i cried and he is undecided as to whether or not i have add. he says in my situatuion (single fulltime working young mom of an infant) anyone would be struggling. he says things might just get easier in a few years and that i need to cut myself some slack, he says the supermom who does it all is a crock and doesnt really exisit. but he said we could try medication if i wanted but then i meantioned breastfeeding and he felt uncomfortable with doing anything but ritalin, 10mg once in the morning on work days. im fine with that for now, maybe it will be a big help for focus at work, we'll see.

i checked out dr hales mmm2004 and left it for him at his office but it really doesnt say much about adderall and nothing about strattera or vynase. so ritalin it is for now.

i start on monday, ill post an update in a week or two.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

hmmmm...... it's probably parts of both!

tried to call around for therapists today.......huge waste of time.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Got an appointment for December 9th!

Now I just need to write out what's wrong....


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
Got an appointment for December 9th!

Now I just need to write out what's wrong....









Mazel tov! I hope it helps!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

How is everyone doing?


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

this last week has been awful. ds was sick with the croup and i missed every single day of work. i am feeling pretty stessed about money but it should all work out (although i wont be paying off any of the $1000 i owe my parents).

my ex dp has been sort of helpful with ds, kind of. although he is behind on his cs. but he has decided that he wants to work on our relationship in hope that we may move back in together in a year or so. not quite what i had in mind but its hard to not feel tempted when he says i could be a stay at home mom, or go to school ft and he wont mind if i dont get any cleaning done. i think he is just lonely right now though.

thanksgiving is becoming an issue. my mom has not invited ex dp over and ex dp wants to spend the whole day with ds and i and his feelings were really hurt that he wasnt welcomed at my parents house. i think maybe ds and i will just stay home and people can come to us if they want to see him. i would like to just enjoy a day off at home and not have to feel pulled in a ton of different directions.

i started ritalin today. i dont feel any difference at all so far. well, i guess i was able to write out this post, thats pretty good. usually i cant even imagine processing the thoughts to do that. but i am at work right now so thats not so good.

i am still not sure about starting online classes in the spring. maybe i will take just one. seems like a waste of time, i really feel like i will just end up dropping it halfway through the semester. what are some things that help you stay motivated through an online class? if its too easy i will blow it off and if its too challenging i will also blow it off! plus, its online and i am so distracted online!

back to work!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Oh KristineKristine! I am so sorry things are yucky for you right now! I hope the Ritalin does you some good. It was so long ago that I used it, I can't rememeber most of what it was like!









And again I am no help in the classes department. I have no idea how I get anyhting done at all.







I waste a lot of time for sure. Time gathering my thoughts before I can start....


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I am not good, guys....

anyone around?


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## maeby (Nov 4, 2007)

hey







im at work but if you send me a message i'll read and respond on my lunch in a few hours.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I'm here, been meaning to post but...how are things? You ok Heidi?

I am still awaiting my referral from 2.5 weeks ago. So I need to call and find out why it's taking so long. I've almost forgotten why I was so gung ho! I did complete some tasks that I was putting off so that made me feel good. And I checked out a bunch of books from the library so that is keeping me entertained.

Gotta go...kids!


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## LilMamiBella (Nov 13, 2002)

Well Dh has invited his family over for Thanksgiving. I _really_ don't like family gatherings. Just thinking about all the cleaning and cooking I'm going to have to do is making me stressed and anxious already. Not to mention, we have a very clever rat(s) somewhere in this house and he hasn't been fooled by my glue traps. Right now I'd like to get on a plane and fly to CA or Miami and get very far away from here. If I were to tell Dh to cancel with his family, he'd be very upset so I'm trying to do this for him and the kid's sake. R, my 10 year old has ADD and he is just like me when people come over. He gets embarassed and starts trying to clean quickly. I feel like crying because I hates that he feels like that. I hate that I feel like that.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Heidi - been thinking about you. Family stuff?


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Heidi, tell us what's going on! --How is that online class??

This is a stressful time, isn't it??

I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner as well, and didn't get done near what I wanted to get done by this point. I'm trying very hard not to give myself a hard time about it, because I know it doesn't help. Panicking doesn't help. I'm the youngest, and it's my side of the family coming over, so there's that whole baby of the family dynamic, too. I feel very self conscious about the state of the house.

It's notable that a few months ago I chose to take less of the lamictal. So I noticed some improvement in some ways. My libido improved, at least! I'm laughing more. Believe it or not, my face is more expressive than when I was taking a higher dose of lamictal. But motivation to prepare for this dinner evaporated. That stubborn, defiant imp took over instead.

Ritalin doesn't work well enough for me. It just makes me feel like I'm strung out on caffeine, it's very unpleasant. The little bit of focus isn't worth it.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi.









First, thanks for weighing in, and I didn't mean to dissappear. I realised what time it was, and needed to just get off the computer.

*cody'smamma*, I hope you hear about your referral soon.

*lilmamibella*, gack! about the rat! hope you find it soon! ITU about having people over, and about seeing your Ds nervously cleaning...that'll be Milo in a few years, I'm sure.









Hi *Smee*- no not really family stuff...well, not DH stuff at any rate. Just life.

*journeymom*- just







about T-day... I have been there so many times, over so many different situations and it really gets old old old after a while. The stubborn defiant imp wreaks havoc here too. I really love the Holidays, but I am feeling intnsly lonely right now, because I miss my family. Having DH's super judgemental parents as the only close by ones does not help.

*me*- I need to see the counselor because I am depressed. I thought I was OK, but I realised I'm not 'not-sad', I'm numb. I see the kids getting into stuff they shouldn't and just sit there w/o the energy to get off my behind and do something about it. It took Henry getting up on the counter twice and eating a package of homeopathic cold remedy tablets to figure out that I needed to get a lockbox to store all the vitamins in. I mean, what would have happened had that been my iron pills? He could have died! And I can't even make myself feel anything about that. God protected him, but I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.

There is just a lot going on right now, and most of it is not new. I cannot deal with it all. I can't keep that many plates spinning.

I find myself just waiting for each day to be over. What kind of way is that to raise kids?

class is OK, I got 100% credit for the first two weeks. I have major circular thinking going on about that. I do not believe for a econd that I actually earned 100%, yet I am driven to make sure I continue to bust my cheekies to get another 100.







And if I didn't earn it, than what is the point of taking the classes online? But if online classes are easier, than I must need to work extra exta hard to 'earn' my credit and actually learn something.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Oh, wow, Heidi.









Your kids are 3+ and one year old. You've got your hands full, but I can _guarantee 100%_ that the pressure you're under will let up _a bit_ in a couple of years. They will be a little more independent if only by virtue of the fact that they won't be toddlers anymore.

I know you've mentioned it before, but may I ask what meds you're taking?

Quote:

God protected him, but I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my kids.
I agree, caring for yourself so that you can better care for your kids is a good place to start when you're in trouble. It's a wake-up call. But what is even more effective is to _care for yourself for your own sake._ It's harder to sustain that effort to care for yourself if you are doing it only for your kids. It's not that they aren't worth it. But you're worth it, too. Frankly, they'll be 'OK' with a mom who isn't running on all cylinders, they really will. But you won't! That's no way to live!! So, yes, get yourself to the doctor. Do what you need to do, for you. Besides, it's not either/or. If you care for yourself (truly, with affection), your kids will not suffer.

Quote:

class is OK, I got 100% credit for the first two weeks. I have major circular thinking going on about that. I do not believe for a second that I actually earned 100%, yet I am driven to make sure I continue to bust my cheekies to get another 100. And if I didn't earn it, than what is the point of taking the classes online? But if online classes are easier, than I must need to work extra exta hard to 'earn' my credit and actually learn something.
Hmmm. If the class is _easy_ (so far), then it's logical that you legitimately _earned_ that 100%, right? I mean, you are a smart gal, you could have earned 100% with a harder class, too. So don't minimize your accomplishment. You earned it, you really did.

Sometimes people, especially we depressed female-types, tend to slap down any sense of pride, tend to minimize and even punish ourselves as if to say, _don't you dare be happy!_ Don't let that self-flagellating punisher in your head take away your accomplishments.

Change is scary, even when it's change for the better. For me at least, it's _easier_ to stay depressed. It's comfortable. What will happen to me if I do something that makes me happy? I might fail some how! I might look foolish. These are some of my fears anyway.

So if I manage to pull off a successful Thanksgiving Dinner, that night in bed I will make a huge long list of everything that went wrong, every reason to minimize my success.









It's hard work, countering that negative self-talk. It's continual.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Journeymom, very very wise. Heidi, I totally







: everything she said.

And







. Let me know about the 9th.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

*Smee-* I totally need you for the ninth.







I'll call you with details.

*journeymom*-

Quote:

I know you've mentioned it before, but may I ask what meds you're taking?
I'm not...










Quote:

Do what you need to do, for you.
I know. But there are so many people that _NEED_ me, YK? It seems like every time I try to do something for me, people start flipping out and needing special attention.









Quote:

But what is even more effective is to care for yourself for your own sake.
I think I have finally figured this out.









Quote:

It's hard work, countering that negative self-talk. It's continual.
sigh... I _KNOW_ this- but I can't stop _doing_ it. I can and _have_ earned 100% on much tougher classes.

I am taking classes for _me_. I am going to counselling for _me_. I need chemicals to live any sort of productive life.























Thanks for your post, I'm going to print it out so I can re-read it.

I am tired of counseling myself. I am tired of talking about myself. It needs to keep happening, though and it's going to be a Hurculean effort to get any of this out in the counsellor's office.

I. Am. Going. To. Go. I will. Woe betide anyone or anything that stands in my way!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
I'm not...










Oops, sorry! You are still nursing, right? Frequently or not?

Honestly, in my opinion, your response to the incident with your son getting into the supplements makes this an _urgent_ situation. Yes, locking up the bottles fixed that _specific_ situation. But with two small children who are both getting more and more mobile, you need to be on top of it.

My experience: medication helped me get the situation in hand (when my son happened to be 3 years old, ha!). There wasn't any way I was going to be able to talk myself out of that hole.

Quote:

I need chemicals to live any sort of productive life.






















Describe why this is negative to you.

Negative self talk:

Quote:

sigh... I _KNOW_ this- but I can't stop _doing_ it.
This is pretty common. In my experience the medication helped me get a handle on intrusive thoughts. _Only just._ I still struggle with it, and that's where my therapy is really helping. But seriously, the therapy would have been useless if I didn't have the medication (antidepressant and mood stabilizer, in my case) to help me focus long enough.

Quote:

I am taking classes for _me_. I am going to counselling for _me_.








Excellent!!

Quote:

I am tired of counseling myself. I am tired of talking about myself.
You're _tired,_ Heidi!! Understandably so! In my experience, mothering toddlers and preschoolers was the hardest time of my life. Sublimely wonderful, too. But absolutely that was the darkest time in my life.

Quote:

It needs to keep happening, though and it's going to be a Hurculean effort to get any of this out in the counsellor's office.
Describe, why will it be a big effort?

Quote:

I. Am. Going. To. Go. I will. Woe betide anyone or anything that stands in my way!








That's it!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Heidi, it won't be as difficult as you might think. You know why? Because your boys will be safe and having fun at home, and you'll get the rare and wonderful opportunity to talk about yourself for a bit with someone who wants to help you. That's really, really cool.

If you have to have medication, so be it. If you had to medicate yourself to nurse, you would, right? Because it matters. There is no more negative connotation to that than there is to this.

And yes, you will go. Even if I have to kick your butt out the door.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Heidi,
Do you have help to watch your little ones while you go to counseling?
I know this is a huge challenge for me. My husband can do this sometimes, but then I have to choose between having some 'free time' for drs appointments or 'free time' for me, and at times I'm not sure which one I need more. I hope Sara's update means that hurdle is one that is already cleared. (yea!)
Dr Hale also has a new website and there might be more information on ADD meds. I forget how little you nursling is, but there seem to be a few options and some results that show that many meds are not going to effect the baby (but again, that is all so personal). I can probably look it up. A friend posted it to her facebook.
I'm going to try a new medication for a couple weeks to see if I see any results from it... and then I'll probably weigh taking it over waiting for my dd to wean. Uugh.
I was surprised at my last drs appointment he said that studies show that ADD meds are about 90% effective. I was really quite amazed by that statistic (skeptical) but it did bring me some hope that maybe it is worth spending the time to figure out the right meds. That said, I'm not sure this counselor is really 'right' for me and I still have to ponder on that one.
I'm also wanting to check out group coaching or another type of class through addclasses.com, but having a hard time figuring out if I can work in the times.

My dh was a pita this week, getting on my case about me being disorganized in a very rude way. He was just tired, and I told him to knock it off, but it is really aggravating to me anyways. And I need to ask him to do stuff to help me out, which he makes a huge deal of (he gets overwhelmed, so he groans and moans about it, but everytime he's with the kids he actually does fine/has fun), he tries to get out of, and then when he's done he acts like he needs a medal and a week off.
I just would rather do it all myself than deal with that baggage. And that's my sticking point right now. Argh. Frustrating. And it has been the spot I get stuck at for ever (not just dh but asking for help with anyone/thing). Except that knowing I have add doesn't really make it any simpler.
gotta go.... take care everyone
Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Ok, here we go.









*journeymom*-

Quote:

In my experience, mothering toddlers and preschoolers was the hardest time of my life. Sublimely wonderful, too. But absolutely that was the darkest time in my life.
Thank you for this. I neede permission to feel this way. I want to just be able to enjoy my boys, and I fell like I am not being present enough.









It will be difficult to get any of this out for alot of reasons. 1. I have ADD, adn I am exhausted. I'm not exactly at optimal functioning right now, YK? 2. I get there and I will eithershut down, or I won't be able to shut up. 3. I am afraid that if anyone really knows how crappy I am as a housekeeper, cps will come and get my kids. I have to go open myself up to a whole nother human, and risk rejection! I don;t know this person! I don't know if she's a good doctor or a crap one. oh, and I hate doctors. forgot to mention that.

negative needing chemicals thing- sigh... I should be able to do this without help right? I mean that's what everyone else is doing. not you guys, I mean, but all of the other mommas around me do just fine! Darnit, why do we not talkm more about how hard it is to be a momma? I know that the five other moms in my church specifically can't be having as peachy-easy time as they act like!

as far as meds go, I need to be on meds, even if it means weaning. There, I said it. I am crying crap crap..... I had a nursing goal of 2 years this time, and Milo has gone from baby to 1 year old so fast I feel like I wasn't even there.







My nipples are so bad with psoriasis right now, I don't even want to nurse. My self esteem is so low right now, and that's not normal for me.
Thank you thank you for your thoughts and your kind words! I know it's not possible to show here, but I am sincerely grateful.

Quote:

And yes, you will go. Even if I have to kick your butt out the door.








thanks *smee*! I am counting on it!

*jess*- I am sorry your DH was a pain this week. I know what its like to desperatly need support and be torn down instead.







My DH is getting better, actually. We have had a good weekend, too.

I hope that this counsellor works well with you, and that the meds are as helpful as he says. hopefully things will be looking up for you soon.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Heidi,
You really might be able to find a med that is compatible.... and if your little one is eating some solids, too... well, you might feel more comfortable. I've read of some people timing the medicine to help out too (not sure if that is at all possible). Of course, not always the case, but just more possibilities than I assumed.
And if you need to wean, we (well, I'm pretty sure I can speak for everyone here) will have tears and hugs for you and support you in that, too.

Here's the Hale searchable database: http://neonatal.ttuhsc.edu/lact/medi...orumspage.html
I scanned a few things (SSRI, depression meds, and ADD/ADHD) and was surprised at how many of the drugs were compatible with breastfeeding. Still, I can't help but feel guilty and nervous about it... I'm doing babysteps before I'm making any long-term decision. Dr starts out on a very low dose. I trialed one for 10 days (should have been 2 weeks, but gave up after 10 days of headaches)... will trial another one this week probably for 14 days. Then, if that one seems to work, I'll take the next step and make a further decision. I guess thinking it as a trial has helped me.

And so much of what you are saying resonates. This all really sucks because it is just such a spiral. And it is so easy to slip back and be too tired/demoralized to just dust off and try, again. But then again, there is a lot of incentive to try (any?)thing till something works. ((hugs))

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Thanks Jess, and I hope you trials go very well.
I will checkout that Hale's site. Milo is over 1 year old, but he still nurses a lot at night. Which one gave you headaches?


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
3. I am afraid that if anyone really knows how crappy I am as a housekeeper, cps will come and get my kids. I have to go open myself up to a whole nother human, and risk rejection! I don;t know this person! I don't know if she's a good doctor or a crap one. oh, and I hate doctors. forgot to mention that.

You're not a crap housekeeper! Sure, your house doesn't look like a Martha Stewart staging, but your boys are clean (as clean as boys that age can be







) and your house doesn't have trash all over it, and let me tell you - you've got meals down pat. I haven't even BEGUN to understand how to feed DS a balanced meal for lunch, but every time I go to your house, something yummy is in the works. CPS would laugh if the counselor tried to say you were a bad mom.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
negative needing chemicals thing- sigh... I should be able to do this without help right? I mean that's what everyone else is doing. not you guys, I mean, but all of the other mommas around me do just fine! Darnit, why do we not talkm more about how hard it is to be a momma? I know that the five other moms in my church specifically can't be having as peachy-easy time as they act like!

Keep in mind, you probably are going a different journey with your boys. Especially with GD and a system that respects your child instead of just leaving him to figure things out on his own, you're on a totally different path (probably) from the women at your church. You're not doing what every other mom does for their kids - you're going above and beyond, trying to develop boys who are respectful, full of confidence, and who will have a great relationship with their parents. So yeah, they may be having it easier than you - but in 5 years when their 9yo is talking back and sullen and you're able to reach out to Henry and sit down and talk with him, your hard work should pay off.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
as far as meds go, I need to be on meds, even if it means weaning. There, I said it. I am crying crap crap..... I had a nursing goal of 2 years this time, and Milo has gone from baby to 1 year old so fast I feel like I wasn't even there.







My nipples are so bad with psoriasis right now, I don't even want to nurse. My self esteem is so low right now, and that's not normal for me.

You may not have to wean. When I was on Lexapro after DS was born, I didn't have to - and even the meds that are mildly contraindicated, my FP said at worst, you could go down to nursing once in the morning and taking your pill right afterwards. So you may have options that won't require you to wean.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
And if you need to wean, we (well, I'm pretty sure I can speak for everyone here) will have tears and hugs for you and support you in that, too.

Yup.








Jessica! Sounds like you need some today, too.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Thanks Sara...you are the voice of wisdom today.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I just want to cry right now. I had the WORST day at work, got myself together, went and had a wonderful u/s (thanks to my coworker who gave me a ride), got home and popped onto craigslist, and discovered the MY JOB is posted. They didn't even try to hide it; the name of the center and everythign si right there to see.

I KNOW I am messy. I also know that I am a GOOD teacher. I love the children. I am good at teaching. But I am disorganized and scattered. I am struggling to keep up. I really, really, REALLY don't want to lose this job. Ds and I are having a hard time in our current living situation and we will probably be moving into a shelter housing program soon. I cannot, on top of that, make him change schools. Its just too much. I don't want ot do it to him. My heart is just breaking for my ds because I want SO BAD to do everything right, and I am feeling like a total failure right now. I am trying really ahrd at work, I am. I'm so overwhelmed. There is paperwork to keep on top of, paperwork for social services. I still haven'r collected all my paperwork for the job (like references and such) becase I'm at work from 8-6 every business day and I don't have a car to do errands on my lunch break. When I think about all there is to do I just feel like I start to shut down mentally.

I'm drinking more coffee than I should be being pregnant, because that's my way of self-medicating to help me get through the day. I want to go t the dr and get medication, but I can't take off work t go and she doesn't have evening/weekend appts. I have to go to that dr because I still don't have my medicaid and she is the only person who will see me and work with me giving me samples and such.

I just needed to vent I guess. I'm feeling like a total failure right now....I know i'm overreacting (my bf says it's the hormones, lol). I can't keep just drinking coffee (not that it completely works, but it helps) because at my midwife appt tuesday I was dehydrated and I'm sure it's due to me drinking the caffeeine and not replacing it with enough water.

I just want to burty myself somewhere for a while until it all goes away. I just want to keep this job, for ds' sake. I know I CAN do it, if I could just get orgainzed and get everything straight. The whole center is chaotically run and lacking in basic supplies but I NEED to make this job work, fr ds' sake. I'm just.....ugh.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)




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## blizzard_babe (Feb 14, 2007)

So... I haven't participated AT ALL in this new thread. And barely in the last one. Jeez, you'd think I had some kind of attention issue...









waiting2bemommy... many hugs.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

waiting2bmommy-























ITU about wanting to go hide in a hole for a while... I am terrified of ever having to re-enter the work force because I am exactly the same way. How entirely crappy of them to post your job!


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Hi, I'm new to the thread. I haven't had insurance for awhile and finally do & have an appointment on Tuesday. I have suspected that I've had add/adhd (is there a difference?) for awhile. I'm going to tell my doctor on Tueday and see what he says. Can you tell me what to expect? How do they go about diagnosing? What meds have worked for you? From what I've read, stimulants are best. I'm a little iffy about them, but I guess it's no different than the pot of coffee I drink daily, right? I've read that Strattera is good and non-stimulant, but there isn't a generic for it and I can only get generics. Thanks for answering my questions!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Waiting2bemommy







_if I could just get organized_ is a common sentiment for all of us, I suspect.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
Hi, I'm new to the thread. I haven't had insurance for awhile and finally do & have an appointment on Tuesday. I have suspected that I've had *add/adhd (is there a difference?)* for awhile. I'm going to tell my doctor on Tueday and see what he says. Can you tell me what to expect? How do they go about diagnosing? *What meds have worked for you?* From what I've read, stimulants are best. I'm a little iffy about them, but I guess it's no different than the pot of coffee I drink daily, right? I've read that Strattera is good and non-stimulant, but there isn't a generic for it and I can only get generics. Thanks for answering my questions!

ADHD = attention deficit hyperactive disorder. This is the official term in the medical community. But it's still referred to as ADD in the non professional world.

Not everyone with attention deficiencies is particularly hyperactive. This is described as _Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, Predominantly Inattentive Type._ Some people say ADHD non H. For myself, I simply say adhd, even though I'm not at all hyperactive. I think getting very specific with the alphabet soup is probably most important to the medical community. It IS important to not overlook the non-hyperactive, primarily inattentive types. These people were/are overlooked a lot, because the squeaky wheel gets the grease, the hyperactives attract more attention. Think of the wiggly, disruptive school boy vs the day-dreaming school girl.

The medications that were created specifically for adhd are stimulants. But other medications are used to treat attention deficiency symptoms as well. Like antidepressants, anti anxiety meds and mood stabilizers.

For example I take Wellbutrin for depression, but it does help me focus. I take Lamictal for mood swings, but again it helps me focus. People have attention problems for different reasons.

As far as medication is concerned _be prepared to experiment._ Doctors do their very best to make a good diagnosis, but it really comes down to treating symptoms. I think most adults dealing with cognitive disorders have tried several meds before they find a good solution.

1) With any one med try different doses. There is a balancing point where you get the most benefit from the med you can with the least amount of side affects.

2) Give the med plenty of time to work. The manufacturer may say it takes 2 weeks or 6 weeks to come to full effect, but seriously, give it longer than that.

You should expect that this is simply the beginning of your journey. You'll progress in fits and starts. Keep an open mind. You need to simultaneously be a firm advocate for yourself (because YOU are IT! There is no one else in this world who will toot your horn better than you.) and be patient with the doctors. So much of this is guessing and experimenting.

Studies have found that while medication is helpful, people benefit much more when they add some kind of therapy.

An interesting side-by-side comparison of adhd and bipolar II.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

journeymom- I think its safe to say this is one thread you can't kill!








Although I seem to be doing my best!

Hi *inkslinger*.







I drink a pot of coffee too, but am terrified of stimulant meds.







ITA with everything journeymom said. I say ADD for myself, because I am mostly never hyper, unless I really like you and you come over to my house. Then I can't shut up. I suspect I hover, too.









Congrats on getting an appointment! I hope it goes well for you.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

bump

I had my appointment today...thanls to smee who watched my boys.

I will write this out later when I have energy.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

I haven't been around much.

*waitingtobemommy*, can you call and leve a message for the doctor to return your call?








Hi everyone, I've been more active over on Gentlechristianmothers and just worn out. Also trying to di Christmas projects. Agggh!


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

if ADD/depression was completely ruining everything (ok, it's probably not ruining everything, but it's pretty bad) and you couldn't get in to the doctor in the foreseeable future (and this is the only doctor you can see because of having no insurance) would you consider buying off someone else?

I wouldn't think twice about it if I weren't pregnant. I am desperate. I am having the feeling of wanting to do something crazy just so someone will NOTICE how bad I am struggling. I am only keeping together for my ds. My whole life is up in the air right now because of my lack of focus and my apparent inability to SHUT.UP. I have no social skills according to my boss. I'm suspended for 5 days because of something I blurted out that was taken offense to (and I did NOT mean it that way, at all.)

My kid is always mad at me because I am the enforcer of all things evil like baths, and goig potty, and tooth brushing and bedtime. All the fun stuff, grandma takes voer and doesn't give me a chance to enjoy my child. I cna't enjoy him, but I am sitting here struggling so hard to keep my s*** together for HIM, and I can't even enjoy reading a book to him or playing wtih him without being told I'm doing it wrong or having ehr take over. All I do is fight for everything from the minute I wake up til the minute I go to sleep. I was supposed to be moving soon which would have tremendously helped my emotional state, but with a 5 day suspension there is no way I will be able to afford it now.

someone I trust is willing to give me a bottle of celexa (a really low dose). It looks safe for pregnancy from the research I have done. Would you take it? I really feel like if I don't take something NOW, I might just have a total breakdown.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

waiting2bemommy,









To answer your question........... I'm not sure. I would probably go postal on my mom first (safer than going postal at work, you know?). You can't ask the doctor to call in a low-dose prescription?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
waiting2bemommy,









To answer your question........... I'm not sure. I would probably go postal on my mom first (safer than going postal at work, you know?). You can't ask the doctor to call in a low-dose prescription?

I'm going to call again tomorrow and ty to get across that I am feeling really desperate to get what I need to function. In addition to ADD I have depression that mostly flares up under stress (don't we all) plus I have been having anxiety attacks again.

As far as going postal lol, I can't go anywheres near postal with my mom because she would LOVE any excuse to call me unfit and involve CPS or just make my life a living hell by trying to get me declared unstable or incapable of caring for ds. she's a;lready done it a couple times. So I have to be really careful not to show any signs of mental illness around her; I just let her think I am lazy and don't care because being labeled immature or ungrateful is a lot safer than letting her find out that I am really struggling.

She is the one who went behind my back and canceled my first doctor's appt a couple months ago, which is why I haven't been yet....I had to wait for an opening that didn't mess with my work schedule (because if I leave work for the appt I have to take the bus and it will basically eat up my whole work day, unpaid plus they don't like us to schedule appts during work hours)


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Waiting2bmommy ~ I'm so sorry! Why would your mom cancel your appointment? I know the feeling of desperation.

I've been waiting for about two months to finally get my referral and have my appointment. The time is DRAGGING. Plus I'm trying to get organized for Christmas and then go and have Christmas at mom's, Mil's, here. My life is sucking for me right now. I am SO short-tempered. Even in the morning when I first get up. My older DS just needs me so much and it is SO irritating. He is 4.5!!! To make matters worse, the parent educator at preschool told me she thought he should be evaluated for developmental delays/disabilities. Great. I'm trying to figure myself out here and now I have to figure him out too!! This has not been easy on my relationship with DP. I took the PPD quiz (granted my baby just turned one!) and I scored pretty high. I just want to be happy! I think for me, right now, depression is at the top of my list. I need to take care of that before I can work on the ADD. Although I'm sure the ADD is some of what's causing the depression, but there is more to it than that. Lately I've been feeling SO burnt out on being a mom. Really questioning my desire to BE a mom. Although I can't change anything now. I know I need to get out more. Now that the baby is one I feel like maybe I"ll volunteer a couple of evenings or something.

Right now I just need to get through Christmas!!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

*waitingtobemommy*-







I can't say enough that I am so sad you have to go through this with your mom right now. I agree with smee, call your doctor and make noise until someone listens. How could she cancel your appointment? Unless she lied and said she was you, they should not have cancelled it for her. Please call the office and let them know what she's up to, and settle on a security question so if you do have to cancel, they will know it's you.

IRT whatever you blurted out- I get so angry over this. I don't like to say that having ADD makes us broken, but many times I have wished I could say, 'hey listen, I'm not going to be able to meet that standard, so deal with it!'.







I mean, if we could only use one of our arms effectively 50% of the time, we'd get a statement of disablity- but no, it's only our BRAINS, so it can't be seen, and we're out of luck.

*cody'smama*- I am sorry you are so depressed. It's the issue that eclipses everything else for me right now too. Our ds's are about the same age, and Henry (DS1) we just got some things figured out for, but its been a long battle for him too. I'm just trying to say you are not alone, and I think I understand where you're at right now. Your whole post is pretty much me.









*AAM*- OK, so Last week I had my appointment. She said I needed immediate chemical assistance. So I've been on Zoloft since Thursday. I wish I could say I'm all







but really I'm just







Whatever.

No, it HAS taken the edge off. I feel clearer-headed, and I can think when I sit down to read my class books or study or write. I am not as irritable with the kids. In a week I will be premenstrual, and we'll see if it helps with that- it'll be the 'acid test'.

What hasn't changed is the fact that I still cannot deal with my world. I really would like to try an ADD med after she's satisfied w/the zoloft.

That's about it...I'll be seeing her twice a month.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

heidi--I'm SO glad for you...I mean I know it's not perfect yet, but it must at least be a good feeling to have your saner self self back at least a little.







I know it's a really bad spiral for me when I'm irritable with ds.....it fuels a lot of negative self defeating thoughts that make me more cranky and so on and so forth. So I'm glad you've got that part resolved.

As far as my mom, she is very manipulative. She is so manipulative in fact that she manipulates herself into thinking she's not manipulative.







She is always doing things that put her at the center of attention, or that put me at the center of attention (in a negative way, usually) that will involve her "rescuing" me. Happily the office called today and I was able to get in tomorrow at noon sicne someone canceled.

I am trying really hard to disengage from my parents (and I have my fingers crossed on moving sometime soon) but since I don't have insurance and they do, this particular doc is willing to work with me on payment/free samples because she has seen my parents for 3 years now and likes our family. The trade off is that my mom is privy to all my business as a result.

Cancelling an appt is nothing for my mom.... she is VERY convincing and could sell snow to an Eskimo if it suits her purposes.....she once tracked me down all the way in the Dominican Republic, another time in TX, another time in a DV safe house. Every single person who gave her information in those situations had been explicitly told that she would try to find me, and not to give out my information, but she was able to get past all of them. She also has literature pertaining to getting your adult child committed to a mental institution, or getting "custody" of an adult child who is too mentally unstable to care for themself, and of course then you get to keep the grandchild all to yourself.

So yeah, I'm scared to be here, but I need the medication before I try to make anohter move. Because if I do move and I keep a messy house, or I show up late to work, or do anything that isn't "model parenting," and my mom calls CPS on me.....I don't even want to think about it. And she WILL know. She knows everything. I don't know how, bu she does.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

*waitingtobemommy*- your mommy is a totally toxic person! anyone would be crazy and overwhelmed trying to keep ahead of all that!







I have no idea how it feels but hugs anyway, and I hope you can get away from her! I'm glad you got an appointment.









and yeah, it's nice to feel a little saner!


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## mamabohl (May 21, 2005)

Hi guys! So yeah, i dissapeared. (can't spell that word...) With the "new" (not so new anymore, lol) baby I couldn't keep up. I just kinda stopped coming to MDC at all and have been only checking facebook and my email for a while. I'm actually being more productive with a baby than I was while pregnant, she keeps me on my feet by grumping any time I'm on the computer, lol. I've been trying flylady again....I'm still on day 10 after about 6 weeks. Trying to take it real slow so I don't get overwhelmed but noew I'm kinda stuck cuz i feel like I can't add anything else until I have the basic routine down every day, but i can't have it down every day cuz it all depends on when the baby wakes up and if she naps...which changes from day to day. yeeeah...so anyways I'm gonna try to read back a little and see what you all are doing. Just wanted to say hi!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
OK, so Last week I had my appointment. She said I needed immediate chemical assistance. So I've been on Zoloft since Thursday. I wish I could say I'm all







but really I'm just







Whatever.

No, it HAS taken the edge off. I feel clearer-headed, and I can think when I sit down to read my class books or study or write. I am not as irritable with the kids. In a week I will be premenstrual, and we'll see if it helps with that- it'll be the 'acid test'.

What hasn't changed is the fact that I still cannot deal with my world. I really would like to try an ADD med after she's satisfied w/the zoloft.

That's about it...I'll be seeing her twice a month.

Zoloft is used to alleviate symptoms of premenstrual dysphoric disorder, so it may actually help you with pms.

If the side effects from Zoloft aren't unbearable, give your mind plenty of time to get used to this new experience. This is just my take on my own experience: I felt the expected benefit from the antidepressant within a few days, leveling off at about a week and a half. Then began the re-learning process. Because I'd been depressed for so long my view of myself and the world had gotten pretty jaundiced. When some of the depression was lifted (and it's never completely gone away, and I don't expect it ever will) I started to see the world a little differently and unconsciously I started getting new thought habits. These seem to me to be the secondary, indirect effects of the medication, and this is where the real progress, real healing is.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
Zoloft is used to alleviate symptoms of premenstrual dysphoric disorder, so it may actually help you with pms.

If the side effects from Zoloft aren't unbearable, give your mind plenty of time to get used to this new experience. This is just my take on my own experience: I felt the expected benefit from the antidepressant within a few days, leveling off at about a week and a half. Then began the re-learning process. Because I'd been depressed for so long my view of myself and the world had gotten pretty jaundiced. When some of the depression was lifted (and it's never completely gone away, and I don't expect it ever will) I started to see the world a little differently and unconsciously I started getting new thought habits. These seem to me to be the secondary, indirect effects of the medication, and this is where the real progress, real healing is.









hhmmm.... lots to think about. The side effects are quite manageable so far. I have another appointment in January







so I am sure she'll have lots to ask me about, then. I'm trying to be objective about how the medicine is working, but there aren't any fewer stressors in my life right now, and I still have ADD.







oh well.








Hi mamabohl! Give us an update in the babe!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

We survived our family Holidays with no significant breakdowns!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Yay!


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Hey all!

Heidi- glad to hear it. We did well here too. There was too much excitement for me to get down or po'd!

I have my first appt with a counselor tomorrow. I'm kind of excited but don't want to get my hopes up. Frankly, I'm not sure what is going on with me, depression, ADD, other stuff. I had a really BAD week two weeks ago and now I feel ok, happy even. But I know that it will come eventually. Also, I started writing in a journal more, here online where it is easier to get it in. Especially if I just have one or two thoughts that I want to write down. I suppose that doesn't help curb my computer addiction though!

Hope you all have a great new year.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

cody'smomma- I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.









Me- I'm thinking PMDD for myself- on top of ADD of course!







But I should be in (proverbial) hell right now, and I am not, so the Zoloft is working, plus my vitamins, which suddenly seem to be working again.









I cleaned the toybox today, junked a bunch of broken/ripped toys and books, and put a few in a box to 'yardsale'.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Heidi-that's great. Does the zoloft still allow you to feel happy? I remember taking it for about a week 10 years ago and it made me feel just kind of flat. Also, for Christmas, I told my sister I wanted her purging services. Meaning, she is going to come in for a whole day or so and help me go through stuff and get rid of/organize. And she is ruthless! Just what I need.

So at my appt yesterday, I told the gal all of the things that have been going on and she was actually quite awesome! She had this little book that she asked me questions out of and when it came to the ADD, she asked me a bunch of questions and then was like, ok, you have ADD. It was nice, but at the same time, I thought, isn't there more to it than this? As for the depression, she said I have a mood disorder-NOS. Meaning, I don't have full on depression. Which I knew all this already. But at least she was able to acknowledge it. I won't be able to meet with the prescribing nurse for another month, but I have another appt with her in two weeks. She was great, but the one thing that kind of bugged me was that when I would tell her certain things she would kind of get this look on her face of pity and say, "oh". Like she felt bad for me. Which wasn't really helping but at least it showed some compassion on her part. So I'm really excited for my next appt where I can really get some help. Plus she said I could bring DP sometime if I want which would be nice for him to understand what is going on with me.

So in a nutshell, I feel exactly the same today







but I'm glad that I've at least gotten the ball rolling.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I get it!

Yes, I still can feel happy. In fact I feel happier, smile and laugh more, etc. I feel quite good to tell the truth. Better than I've felt in a long time. it does make me wonder though how long I've been feeling low.









I'm glad your Sis can come and help you out!


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Yay, Heidi! I'm seriously considering meds. Maybe I should see a counselor fist. :doh









Somewhere, someone said on one of these threads, I think, that untreated ADD can cause depression, so. . .









Maybe that's been my problem my whole life.

Happy New Year's Everyone!


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Oh, I wanted to add that when I went in to see the counselor I had printed off a quiz that I had taken online about ADD. It was really helpful to be able to remember what I wanted to tell her.

Maggirayne-I've read that too. Which could explain my off and on depressive episodes over the years. None of which was TRUE depression.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maggirayne* 
Yay, Heidi! I'm seriously considering meds. Maybe I should see a counselor fist. :doh









Somewhere, someone said on one of these threads, I think, that untreated ADD can cause depression, so. . .









Maybe that's been my problem my whole life.

Happy New Year's Everyone!









See a counsellor, Maggirayne, you'll benefit I'm sure. It was like, 'For once someone believes me!'









...that someone would have been me...









Happy New Year's!

cody'smamma, one of the nicest things right now, is I feel a bit more tuned in, YK? Like, I noticed yesterday that DH would be home in X minutes, and it was just enough time to have a pot of coffee brewing when he got home!









I have always wanted to be able to do things like that, but it's never been doable before.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maggirayne* 
Somewhere, someone said on one of these threads, I think, that untreated ADD can cause depression, so. . .









This would be a really useful thing to figure out, huh. I tried to bring this up at my last appointment... I'm sure in my not straight forward, confusing, awkward ADD way-- so I didn't really get any insight- other than some agreement on how it might work. I guess I think he's not overly worried about my having depression, which is good, I suppose. I sensed he thinks the best way to deal with it is to treat the ADD with meds and learning some ways to work with ADD and any issue will probably work out.

The relation between ADD and depression makes a lot of sense. Or maybe not full blown depression but just feeling bad about myself at times. If I think about how feeling overwhelmed and unorganized makes me stressed and then tired out and then frustrated when things happen all over again. I see how I can then be hard on myself or feel guilty. There's a constant pressure to do things because they are never done. Then there is a tendency to go overboard (for me) or to try to do more than I can possibly do. And that means I'm constantly overextending and never getting time to unwind. Even when I should or could take 'me' time.... Then the worst for me is not making good use times that I _could_ put to good use or just do something worthwhile for me. Like if I have some time, instead of doing something really fulfilling for me, I'll do something mindless- which is NOT fulfilling and makes me feel guilty for wasting the time. Sometimes it is not really a conscious decision, but sometimes I do feel like I punish myself in a way because I feel like I'd waste the time, or that I wasted time so shouldn't take any for myself now. Not that I have a whole heck of a lot of 'extra' time around to do much with, lol.

As for depression....
I remember in high school learning about depression a little and one of the things was that if you _think_ you are depressed, then you probably are... Also if you feel sad often you could be (or maybe it was if you are not happy?).... but both statements never really made 'sense' to me and didn't really make me feel like I was depressed- just maybe that sometimes others were happier (but then as an only child it always seemed to make more sense that I just didn't have other people around as much).
The info doesn't seem to be much better nowadays, although there are probably better sites out there that I just have not happened to come across from (I was actually surprised when what I happened to find was pretty much the same).

Anyways, it would be helpful to know more about the link and even better what to do about it.

Happy New Years everyone!

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

jess and maggirayne- check this out.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/748.html

HTH.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

thanks, I'll check it out

btw, being home with my mom was really interesting over the holidays. My husband was like OMG she SOOO has ADD and 100X worse (said to me, not to my mom). I'm also hoping that I can talk to her about it a little more and see if she will be a little more receptive into exploring ways managing ADD might help her. At this point she just feels guilty that I have ADD and doesn't seem to want to talk about it much.
I also don't really remember things being quite as bad as they were this year, my poor mom.
Jessica


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

jess~I get what you're saying. I've been feeling that way too. I don't "fit" the criteria for depression, not depressed for days/weeks at a time, can function and all, but I definitely get depressive "episodes". I'm coming to the conclusion that it is from a lifetime of "not measuring up". For so long I have thought there was something inherently wrong with me that I couldn't get it together. So maybe it's not true depression, but...anyway, lost my train of thought







I so can relate to what you're saying. And it just freaks me out that what if I can't recover from this? What if I've messed up so bad and things are so screwed up, that I can't pull myself out? Or damaged relationships beyond the point of repair? Ugh. All this thinking lately is making my head hurt.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

ugg.... ITU about the thinking making your head hurt. I feel like I have so many things I'm dealing with and trying to figure out that it's like one of those giant intricate jigsaw puzzles my mother loves and I hate.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
ugg.... ITU about the thinking making your head hurt. I feel like I have so many things I'm dealing with and trying to figure out that it's like one of those giant intricate jigsaw puzzles my mother loves and I hate.









I know what you mean. Except I really like those puzzles, I just hyperfocus and do the whole thing in one sitting. Which is why I haven't done one since having kids...

So I just had a great day today. Don't know why. But I have been religiously taking my supplements that I had stopped taking for several weeks. Maybe that's why? I got back out my book, The Mood Cure, and reread parts of it. I really need to get back on the eating healthy wagon which I've been doing pretty well since New Years. Let's hope I can keep up this momentum! There are some monthly challenges I'm doing on this board to keep me more accountable. Hope I stick with them, even if just for the month.

I have my next appointment with the mental health person next Wednesday. The first appt was just an intake thing so we'll see what this ends up being all about...

Hope you all are doing well.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I'm going in tomorrow at 4:00 pm. wish me luck.


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## DaughterOfKali (Jul 15, 2007)

I haven't read through the whole thread yet.

Does anyone have problems with memory? The more scattered I am, the worse my memory becomes. It's been getting so bad the past few months.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
Does anyone have problems with memory? The more scattered I am, the worse my memory becomes. It's been getting so bad the past few months.

So bad. It's become a joke with all my friends. I vividly remember things happening totally differently from how they actually happened.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

so bad that on facebook in that little box where it says to write something about yourself (the one that goes under your profile picture) I wrote "I have a terrible memory, please forgive me if I knew you in high school & now have no idea who you are" (or something to that effect...)

I generally have about 4 years of memory (always have too) - before that things get super fuzzy and the longer away it was the more likely it is that I have absolutely no memories of it whatsoever

and then in terms of short term memory (if that's what you were asking) - I find it's best if I do things *right* away... my boss always thinks I'm super organized - the truth is, if I set something aside I'll forget about it completely


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
I haven't read through the whole thread yet.

Does anyone have problems with memory? The more scattered I am, the worse my memory becomes. It's been getting so bad the past few months.

My memory is..... selective.














where its good its very good and where its bad its horrid.








Hi Andrea!


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

:


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)




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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DaughterOfKali* 
I haven't read through the whole thread yet.

Does anyone have problems with memory? The more scattered I am, the worse my memory becomes. It's been getting so bad the past few months.

Me!

I totally get that, Andrea! My memory is getting worse all the time.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
My memory is..... selective.














where its good its very good and where its bad its horrid.

There was a little girl who had a little curl...







Gosh I hope you know what I'm referring to.









Heidi, I'm so glad to hear you're feeling a bit better!







It's interesting, because for me the holidays have always been a bench mark of my mental health. The first Christmas I experienced after starting one particular med was the best Christmas I'd had since childhood! It was the first time I didn't end up in a ball of anxiety and panic.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

... right in the middle of her forehead! And when she was good, she was very, very good; and when she was bad she was horrid! (My mom and my grandma used to quote that one about me all the time.







)

My dosage has been upped.... I am terribly drowsy.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 

There was a little girl who had a little curl...







Gosh I hope you know what I'm referring to.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I love that poem. I was one of those unfortunate curly kids with bangs.

What are you on, Heidi?

I'm so excited. I got my boss to agree to cut some of my hours at the shul doing private tutoring. It was the only part of the job that stressed me out, and I'll go from 15+ students to no more than 6 students soon.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Ok gals, I'm in need of some serious motivation today. I have to make a bunch of calls to companies for donations for our preschool auction. I HATE making phone calls. Plus I really want to procrastinate, but I'm the board secretary and I can't let the whole preschool down. So I"ve been putting this off for a week already and I NEED to do it today. My plan is to do it when my oldest is in preschool and hopefully the little is taking a nap. So I figured if I posted here, hopefully I will be held accountable. I will report back later!!


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

I've been watching a neat series on PBS, called This Emotional Life, "a three-part series that explores improving our social relationships, learning to cope with depression and anxiety, and becoming more positive, resilient individuals." I recommend you see it if you get a chance. I think you can watch the whole thing on line. The web site is extensive, you'd get a lot out of it even if you don't have time to watch the show.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
Ok gals, I'm in need of some serious motivation today. I have to make a bunch of calls to companies for donations for our preschool auction. I HATE making phone calls. Plus I really want to procrastinate, but I'm the board secretary and I can't let the whole preschool down. So I"ve been putting this off for a week already and I NEED to do it today. My plan is to do it when my oldest is in preschool and hopefully the little is taking a nap. So I figured if I posted here, hopefully I will be held accountable. I will report back later!!

Oooh, asking for donations! Can be challenge to make that first call, but it gets easier once you get started. Just think how relieved you'll be when it's done.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
I've been watching a neat series on PBS, called This Emotional Life, "a three-part series that explores improving our social relationships, learning to cope with depression and anxiety, and becoming more positive, resilient individuals." I recommend you see it if you get a chance. I think you can watch the whole thing on line. The web site is extensive, you'd get a lot out of it even if you don't have time to watch the show.

Oh no! Just what I need to distract me from making the phone calls!







That does look neat though, maybe a reward when I'm done making the calls? No, you're right. It's making that first call that is the challenge. But ds1 is at school and ds2 just fell asleep so here I go...I need chocolate for this...


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I love that poem. I was one of those unfortunate curly kids with bangs.

What are you on, Heidi?

I'm so excited. I got my boss to agree to cut some of my hours at the shul doing private tutoring. It was the only part of the job that stressed me out, and I'll go from 15+ students to no more than 6 students soon.









I'm on Zoloft. I talked to the MD yesterday and she said I could take half at night and half at lunch. I did that and today was much less sleepy.









WHoo Hoooooo!!! Good for you smee! I know it can be hard to ask for a break, but your babe deserves a peaceful gestation!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
Oh no! Just what I need to distract me from making the phone calls!







That does look neat though, maybe a reward when I'm done making the calls? No, you're right. It's making that first call that is the challenge. But ds1 is at school and ds2 just fell asleep so here I go...I need chocolate for this...


Inquiring minds want to know- did you get the calls made?







I would have needed chocolate too...in major quantities.

(DH is rubbing my neck...and checking my spelling as I type!







)









gtg.


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## bluedaisy (Sep 5, 2008)

Hi mamas









so about a week ago my mom sent me an article on ADHD in adult women and said she thinks we both have it. i thought it was the stupidest thing she ever said









then she brought me 2 books by halloweel - driven to distraction and delivered from distraction - and now I'm just confused.

there were so many things in the book that describe me perfectly, but then others that don't at all. i definitely have some characteristics that people with ADD have, but not sure if I actually have ADD.

I don't think i can afford a diagnosis right now, and it doesn't seem bad enough to warrant meds at this point anyway.

here are some reasons i think i might have ADD:

- my desk/office/house are a mess. i keep saying i need to get organized but it never happens
- i am constantly misplacing things
- i always put off doing things
- i have lots of ideas but rarely get around to doing them
- i get overwhelmed/stressed very easily when i have a lot of "balls in the air"
- i was hyper as a child - my parents brought me to a dr once because they were worried about hyperactivity but the dr said i was fine
- i get bored with things like yoga, poetry, long movies, etc and i prefer things with more stimulation
- my mind is always racing and jumps from one thing to another
- i am a very "to the point" kind of person and long meetings frustrate me to no end and people who say the same thing 20 different ways or take forever to make their point
- i always need to fidgit with something in my hands - a pen, ntoebook, anything
- i love having people over but the thought of all the cooking and cleaning and shopping that it requires prevents me from doing it more and stresses me when it does happen

here are some things that don't really fit with ADD
- i love to read (although i do skip over unnecessary details to get to the point and i get bored with poetry because it takes too much work to figure it out)
- i've always done very well in school and always did well on tests (for example i got 1550 on my SATs - not trying to brag or anything, but i think the fact that i did so well on tests/in school is the major thing that is making me think i don't have ADD)
- i never had behavioral problems as a child or got in trouble in school
- i'm not impulsive in what i say - i'm a bit of a people pleaser so i tend to choose my words carefully especially in new situations

so i know none of you can diagnose me or anything, but i'm just wondering for those of you who have been diagnosed with ADD, what were your major symptoms? do you fit all the typical signs, or are there some areas where you don't fit?

Thanks, reading through this thread has been really helpful


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

You sound a lot like me, in all those aspects.










Check out some of the online stuff about how ADD/ADHD manifests in women. You may find more of yourself there.

ETA: Oh, and welcome!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Yeah, alot like me except I don't think anyone would say I was hyperactive. I doodle on paper instead of fidgeted to keep from getting bored and managed to do great in school, till college. I'd been just barely managing with things, but as I keep hoping, it would be much better to not make everything so much harder for myself and not struggle and be so overwhelmed. Sometimes I thrive when I'm so busy I just don't have anytime to do anything, other times I just end up staying up all night to catch up. Then I struggle with feeling guilty for wasting time or if I'm overwhelmed I feel to lazy to start things, sometimes- then guilty.

I wanted to mention, another short way of explaining some of the differences in ADHD is that there are 2 types of ADHD/ADD Inattentive and Hyperactive. I'd had a few people suggest ADD for me, but at first I thought it was crazy too, because I'm not hyperactive and it wasn't the stereotypical ADHD that I had heard about.

I have not read those books but the few books I looked through had me feeling the same way. Somethings really resonated and other things didn't feel right at all. I try to over think a lot of it (diagnosis, etc) and need to just plug away till I find what works for me.
I'm also almost in the opposite "boat", I've been diagnosed and I'm trying to get my mom to look into it more for herself.

Welcome.

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hi bluedaisy!

You sound a lot like most of us!







I'm not hyper either, except to meet a deadline. I love love love to read. I was never a behavioral problem either, and always did spectacularly well on tests.







oh well...









hang out with us for a while, you'll figure it out!









how is everyone?


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

bluedaisy - yes, that sounds like me too!

Lately I've been going in waves. Right after the new year, started taking supplements more religiously and I felt awesome, had super motivation. Then I don't know what happened, but I kind of crashed again. I had another appt with the therapist and it was good but I felt like I talked a lot and didn't accomplish much. You know how you just start talking...and talking...and talking and your brain is going in so many directions nothing feels finished? Urgh...I hate that annoying unfinished feeling that I always have! So when I was feeling better I was thinking that I didn't need medication, but now I'm rethinking it. I've been trying to get better (depression mainly) through diet and supplements, but I'm just not sure if that's working. I suppose I ought to give it more time.

Anyhoo, I can usually tell my level of mood by the amount of time I spend on the computer







Which lately has been a lot!


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## bluedaisy (Sep 5, 2008)

Thanks for all the replies...I'm still learning about ADD and I guess I still have the stereotype of that hyper little boy who can't sit still, always gets in trouble, and can't focus enough to do well on tests. that's probably why i thought my mom was crazy when she first suggested it.

i also wonder at what point it becomes ADD - for example, I realize I definitely have some characteristics of people with ADD - but not everyone who is disorganized has ADD, right? For example, I get down sometimes and I worry sometimes, but I don't have depression or anxiety.

Just curious how you all realized you had ADD


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluedaisy* 
Just curious how you all realized you had ADD

for me it wasn't so much that I realized I had 'something' and went looking for a diagnosis, but that I felt that my disorganization was getting in the way of too much. I just realized I wanted to do something about it. It was a few things that happened to come together so I went to my dr and mentioned that I was feeling overwhelmed by a lot and some one directed me to ADD and she then recommended I go to a therapist who then did the eval.
I'm trying to focus on moving forward and finding solutions instead of getting stuck on the diagnosis and how everything works. Fitting time to work on me is challenging enough, so it feels like I'm moving at a snails pace.

JEssica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cody'smomma* 
You know how you just start talking...and talking...and talking and your brain is going in so many directions nothing feels finished? Urgh...I hate that annoying unfinished feeling that I always have!

Urgh is right! I absolutely know what you mean b/c it happens to me all the time. My appointments have been like that too.
















Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluedaisy* 

Just curious how you all realized you had ADD


The short story is that I took a 10 question quiz in Psychology class in highschool...and scored 10/10.









You know, it's not really even about disorganization. That's just a side effect of a brain that's constantly moving in 17 directions at once. It's more about having a style of thinking in a non-linear way. ie. most people follow a course of thought- a>b>c...etc. We think a>d>Z>b>y>...etc. Does that make sense?

That's why I was always bored in school- I knew where the teacher was going with a line of questions almost before she did. There are consequences of course, to jumping around so much. We miss things sometimes; HUGE things. Sometimes we look like geniuses, and sometimes we look like the village idiot.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I figured it out when PPD came crashing into my life. I had suspected, but I'm more of an 8/10 than a 10/10 (







) on the ADD quizzes. When DS was born and I really got stripped down to the bone, I realized that there really was something more. I had always worked REALLY well with structure, and when it was taken away from me, I totally lost it.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
You know, it's not really even about disorganization. That's just a side effect of a brain that's constantly moving in 17 directions at once. It's more about having a style of thinking in a non-linear way. ie. most people follow a course of thought- a>b>c...etc. We think a>d>Z>b>y>...etc. Does that make sense?

That's why I was always bored in school- I knew where the teacher was going with a line of questions almost before she did. There are consequences of course, to jumping around so much. We miss things sometimes; HUGE things. Sometimes we look like geniuses, and sometimes we look like the village idiot.









I love the way you put this.







It makes so much sense now! What an awesome way to explain it...

As far as how I knew, back when I was in a job tutoring kids (which I quit and I believe it had everything to do with the ADD) we had a speaker come in and talk to us about learning disabilities and I recognized some of what she was talking about in myself. She recommended we look at the book "Driven to Distraction" so I did. It really resonated with me. Fast forward 10 years, I hadn't looked into the ADD at all, but had been suspecting it over the years. I just got to a really low point a few months ago and those thoughts crept back in (about ADD). I really started doing some reading and went to a counselor who diagnosed me. But I really diagnosed myself.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
Sometimes we look like geniuses, and sometimes we look like the village idiot.









LMAO! Yep, btdt.
Jessica


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Neat article about micronutrients: here. I kinda want to contact the doctor and find out what the regimen is....


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Very interesting!


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Hi, guys! I posted awhile back suspecting ADHD. I was diagnosed today and prescribed Ritalin. I'm a little bit nervous about it, has anyone had success with it?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I'm interested to see how it works for you.

it didn't work well for me.


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Heidirk, I'm not liking it so far. I'm on day 3. I feel a bit more focused during the day when I'm on it (I'm on the 8-hour extended release kind) but I have a pretty major crash at the end of the day and feel even more spacy than usual. I'm getting monster headaches but can't tell if it's because I've reduced my caffeine consumption by a lot or if it's from the meds. I feel kind of detached and zombie-like. I'm hoping these effects will go away, but as for now I'm not liking it. Why didn't it work for you? What are you on now? Thanks!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I didn't see any measureable benefit. AND, I crashed too. It's not one that builds up in your system, so that would never realy stopp happening. It gave me terrible rages as it wore off, and I just wanted to hurt people and break throw and smash things.









The only thing I'm on right now is for depression.







I take Zoloft.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Heidi,
Did you try something else or just go to the zoloft?
I've already tried Concerta and am now trying another one (well, not at the moment, but I'll probably start this weekend for a 2 week trial). I had headaches with Concerta and they didn't go away after the 2 week trial.

I was surprised that my doctor (well therapist, not md) said that over 90% of ADD people are successfully treated with drugs-- but he has always stressed the importance of finding the right medication.
I was REALLY shocked by that statistic. It hasn't been what my impression was.

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

ritalin was about 11 years ago!









Zoloft was right before Christmas!


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
I didn't see any measureable benefit. AND, I crashed too. It's not one that builds up in your system, so that would never realy stopp happening. It gave me terrible rages as it wore off, and I just wanted to hurt people and break throw and smash things.









The only thing I'm on right now is for depression.







I take Zoloft.

I'm finding that I get emotional as it wears off...I cried last night for no real reason at all. Bleh!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I guess the 'good' news now is that there are more types of drugs to try out, so maybe if one doesn't work another will. I guess that is what I'm hoping.
Heidi, I think 11 years ago, ritalin was all their was.

I worked with youth about 11 years ago and remember one of the kids was sometimes given ritalin. It really zoned him out and I felt really bad the days he came in with the ritalin. He was a great kid and never needed it for our program because we were outside and active. His parents were great to, so I can't try to judge too much because hopefully it helped in ways that I didn't see, but I have to admit to haveing an anti-ritalin bias. I'll probably try everythign else before I try that, and I know my therapist sees it as one that has a good sucess rate. I wonder if they used to dose too high too?
Jessica


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Throwing out another random question on 'parenting' stuff:

I'm finding it really hard to balance my time with kids (almost 6 and 2 1/2) between letting them figure out what to do themselves and having things for them to do. I have a simple rhythm/schedule I SHOULD be trying to follow but I find that if I can steal time away and let them just do things I tend to do that (partly because I don't get any other 'time'). And sometimes that works well but other times I end up having a bigger mess to deal with (grumpiness when something doesn't go well, someone gets pushed, etc.).
I get overwhelmed with the thought of doing too much but I worry I'm not doing enough with them. We have a few things each week we "do" which we love and get us out. Since it is winter, I don't want to take on much more and I tend to add a few things in the spring, summer, and fall. I've just found that this winter we've really done a lot less. It is such a pain to even just go outside and enjoy our yard or neighborhood. My son NEVER wnats to do ANYTHING and it is such a hassle to get him going (which I already have to 2 every mornin to get him up and dressed and EVERY afternoon to get him ready for kindergarten). II know his attitude is part of it and I'm finding it easier to just NOT deal with it and hang out... but again that's not great. It is just the next semester as next year I'll just have to deal with it once a day as he'll be in a full day program. There are days where I've mustered up enough to just go in the yard with Rebecca and he eventually wants to join us. There are some mornings when I've practically forced him to go out (there have been times when he had a great time once we got time and a few times when he made himself miserable the WHOLE darn time). He takes after his father(-; Hope the warm weather will bring better attitudes and less troubles (lots of time it is arguements about wearing boots or a coat)
On the days we are just hanging out it seems I can spend all day 'doing' things and still never be done (some cooking, cleaning, cleaning up, dishes, laundry, etc.) and sometimes I don't manage to do anything specific with the kids -except what they demand I do from time to time. Now, it is just about 3 hours that i'm dealing with and then the afterschool time where I have an hour and then am usually making dinner.

If I look back at my childhood I spent a lot of time with my mom and her mom.... and I really don't remember them DOING things with me (and I was an only child, so I contented myself alone, reading etc.). This could be a false memory to some extent. When I stayed with my grandma she let me watch a lot of tv. I don't remember being allowed to help make lunch or help her with anything. With my mom too, I had some chores I did, but I just don't remember doing anything, helping out, etc that often. She was always running around trying to do things though. Probably easier to do it herself than include another person. And I think that has a lot to do with ADD for both of us... not that it is truly easier to do it yourself but the ADD makes it harder to include someone else (interrupts your rhythm, messes with the idiosyncrasies we use to get thigns done, etc).

I'm not going to try to go much farther with this because I've been thinking about it for months and I'm not really sure how to make a point out of it and I rambled a bit but don't have time to edit.... but wondering if I can put that out there for thoughts, comments, questions clarifications, etc.

Anyone have positive ways they include the kids... get things done... structure or (not) their days? What might work? Anyone else feel like this?

Hope that makes some sense....

JEssica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

First-

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
I'm finding that I get emotional as it wears off...I cried last night for no real reason at all. Bleh!

Bleh is right. I hope that resolves or you can find something that doesn't 'wear off' the same way. In a lot of ways I am amazed they still prescribe it.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *jessjgh1* 
I guess the 'good' news now is that there are more types of drugs to try out, so maybe if one doesn't work another will. I guess that is what I'm hoping.
Heidi, I think 11 years ago, ritalin was all their was.

I worked with youth about 11 years ago and remember one of the kids was sometimes given ritalin. It really zoned him out and I felt really bad the days he came in with the ritalin. He was a great kid and never needed it for our program because we were outside and active. His parents were great to, so I can't try to judge too much because hopefully it helped in ways that I didn't see, but I have to admit to haveing an anti-ritalin bias. I'll probably try everythign else before I try that, and I know my therapist sees it as one that has a good sucess rate. I wonder if they used to dose too high too?
Jessica

Yeah, I think it was.

I think that if the teachers had problems with the kid, the doctor would just dope 'em up.







I know another kid that happened to, and he was the neatest brightest little guy. When he came in that day, he was STONED. It made me cry I was so upset for him.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Jess, our 'routine' is pretty much like yours---erratic.









I do try to involve Henry in everything I do. so the other day he helped me vacuum by moving chairs, helped me crack eggs for lunch, helps me transfer laundry from the washer to the dryer. He helps me find and pack the library books for library day, helps me load groceries onto the belt at the store. I gave him the spray bottle of cleaner and asked him to spray and wipe any spots he saw on the kitchen floor. He liked that; making the spots disappear.

we're homeschooling/unschooling, so at 3.5, we're just exploring and soaking up the world. and that's our routine.

I hope that even adressed you questions. My mind is wandering today.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I'm not medicated - I was put on Lexapro when PPD crashed in after DS was born, but I weaned off of it. For me, the best medication has been forcing myself to accept my limitations.

Not sure if that's helpful at all.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I'm not medicated - I was put on Lexapro when PPD crashed in after DS was born, but I weaned off of it. For me, the best medication has been forcing myself to accept my limitations.

Not sure if that's helpful at all.

Me either. I am wanting to check out a book by Dr. Daniel Amen, called Healing ADD or something like that. Anyone ever read it? Currently I'm following some things in The Mood Cure by Julia Ross and I do feel quite a bit better. But that was just from some depression.

Jess - I think I know what you're talking about and I am the same way. What helps for me is remembering that on those days when you do "nothing" it's ok. The kids don't have to be doing something all the time, just hanging out is good enough. Sounds like you try to do stuff throughout the week and I think that is just fine! Some days we do nothing and watch movies or whatever. Somedays we do all kinds of other stuff outside the house. Our kids are always changing so maybe they won't always be hard to get outside or disagreeable. I guess what I"m trying to say is that, to me, it's ok to have different days and not everyday has to be structured. Although I do find it nice after a weekend home to get back to the structure of the week!

I am currently reading Driven to Distraction, well, not reading but skimming, flipping through! I have another appt with my counselor on Wednesday. I feel ok, just when I start super worrying about stuff I try to calm myself down by remembering that if I don't accomplish xyz, it's not the end of the world and I will be ok. (like this stupid preschool fundraiser phone calling and such). What's the worst that could happen? They will all hate me? Whatever, even if that were to happen, I could just quit! So that eases my worries a bit. And what if the house is not clean? Big deal, we are not going to DIE from it.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hey all.

Wow, whilrwind two weeks around my house!!! DH, and both Ds's were sick, fever...lots of snot...cough. Oh, and AF arrived.







right on schedule, but geez. Then, DH and I both have some sort of intestinal thing. Which both tiny people then also contract, except it's also making Milo (ds2) vomit. Only at night.







Neither one of them ate much of anything today.

I had to cancell my appointment with the counsellor today b/c Milo was so exhausted and had been up puking half the night- AND the car has a dead battery.







Keep in mind this is THE only car. Through the mercy of God and the kindness of strangers, I got the car jump started a. to go grocery shopping b. to come home form grocery shopping.







seriously, I flagged down a pickup that was turning around in the store parking lot. Pickup drivers always have jumper cables, no?









So as we speak, very tired children are (mercifully again) sleeping (and I have now undoubtedly jinxed mself) and DH is riding his bicycle out to K-mart with the dead battery in his backpack.









Through all of this, I have remained almost Zen in m peacefulness (due i large part to the Zoloft I'm sure) and feel OK. I mean I'm







trying to decide whether or not to fold the- count them- Five loads of laundry that have now accumulated on the futon.







Heck, they're clean, right?

*cody'smamma* I got a lot out of a book called 'Healing Anxiety With Herbs'. It w3as written by a doctor. I am going to reread the lazy/crazy/stupid book...I've been temporarily distracted by 'Clan of the Cave Bear'
















I downloaded my Motivated Mom's thing for this year. I am actually able to follow it right now. I don't get every task done every day, or even most days, but I have been amazed at how much I am actually accomplishing! Give me another two weeks, and the place will be unrecognizable! Some days I can even go back and pick up a task I didn't get to the day before. Considering that we've been sick, I am extremely and unashamedly proud of what I've accomplished!









So there we are. I know everyone is incredibly busy, I just wanted to say Hi again, and see how you all are.

H


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## Ophelia (Feb 16, 2005)

I think this is for ADD/ADHD mama's right? I just got diagnosed with subtype inattentive (I'm not hyper but DS sure is!).

I've had trouble most of my life with things, a lot of it relating to memory (I am in my late 30's and just got diagnosed!). Seriously thought I had a learning disability but do not. I've been under an extreme amount of stress for a long time (6+ months, job related) among other things and I keep saying I don't know how much more I can take. I am relieved though, of the diagnosis because then maybe I can do some things to help so I don't have so much trouble/stress.

I also think DS has it and it's so stressful dealing with him a lot of the time when he won't cooperate. I have a short fuse when he pushes my buttons. I read great GD books, but have a really hard time applying the concepts.

*Does anyone here WOH and have some good information about careers and ADHD?*

Symptoms:

-poor memory, sometimes very poor
-procrastination
-time management, thinking I have more time than i actually do
-organization issues
-hard time starting projects/completing projects that are overwhelming
-get overwhelmed easily
-had a very hard time in school/college when material got more complicated
-low self esteem
-very critical of myself
-hard time multi-tasking especially with more complicated things
-don't always notice details
-mind wandering
-I am slow in general and slow thinker
-don't understand simple things that other people don't have a problem with
-I know there's more.

*I would also like to know if any of you have corrected/eased your symptoms naturally through diet, homeopathy, reiki, acupuncture?, behavior therapy, or anything like that.*

DS and I also have allergies/sensitivities and I know that can go hand-in-hand with ADHD. I have multiple food/environment allergies and he has gluten intolerance and possibly egg issue and starting to get seasonal allergies. I would love to try homeopathy for one or both of us but it's $$$. I had a pee test done for heavy metals, mercury was low, lead slightly elevated and high tin (I used to solder).

I have 4 upcoming appts with my doc for coping strategies. I cannot decide whether or not to tell my work. Going to try and wait for my first therapy appt to discuss that a the end of the month, if I can wait that long. Luckily there is a local support group but I think it only meets once every 2-3 months.

Thanks for reading my long post.


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

So apparently, stimulants are not for me! About 3 days ago (5 days into Ritalin) I started feeling really, REALLY dizzy. Like, couldn't walk in a straight line, bumping into walls dizzy. I thought maybe my blood pressure was high, since I knew that could be a side effect. I borrowed my mom's BP machine and mine was 95/59, & my pulse was 112! My bp is usually always at 120/80. I called my doc and he said to stop taking the Ritalin for a few days and to come in today. He said it was a really weird reaction to it. My bp has been fine since I stopped taking it. I went in tonight and he prescribed me Strattera, so we'll see if that works any better.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hello *Ophelia*!!







Welcome to the Undiscovered Country.







Big







to you and I'm glad your diagnoses gives you hope. Many parents were first made aware of their own idiosyncracies through dealing with their children's issues. I think you're going the right route with the heavy metal testing and other testing. Have you had yourself tested for Gluten intolerance, or dairy intolerance? If your son is intolerant, it'd be worth exploring for yourself as well. Many of us have had success trying different complementary therapies. Not sucess to the point of eliminating the condition, but sucess rather in improving our quality of Living.









We all have a different story, with common threads throughout. If you scan back trough this thread, you'll find several books that we have found helpful at one time or another.

As far as WOH with ADD, I don't seem to have been very good at that, except whee I could be the Boss.







When I ran my own store, for example, I did just fine. When I worked at a bank.... not so much. My experiences with telling my employer about ADD were not good. thers have had better experiences. I would do your 4 sessions with the doctor and talk with him/her about precisely that subject.

This link may help.
http://www.additudemag.com/

*inkslinger*- Wow! I guess you're right! I hope the straterra works better for you. Did you notice any improvement on the Ritalin, or not?

This is me today...


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 

*inkslinger*- Wow! I guess you're right! I hope the straterra works better for you. Did you notice any improvement on the Ritalin, or not?

This is me today...
















I noticed a slight difference in my focus and concentration, but the side effects were so bad for me that it was rough doing anything at all!

Welcome, Ophelia! I just got diagnosed at 28...it's still sinking in. After I got diagnosed so much of my past has made so much sense!

I agree with Heidirk, I wouldn't tell your employers just yet. Good luck with your sessions!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Heidi, I was totally opposite. I was MUCH better at being someone else's lackey. Now that I make my own hours and work is much freer, I have LOTS of trouble managing my time.


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 







Heidi, I was totally opposite. I was MUCH better at being someone else's lackey. Now that I make my own hours and work is much freer, I have LOTS of trouble managing my time.

This is me, too! I can do it if someone lays out what needs to be done for me. When I am responsible for doing it all on my own, I procrastinate and shut down.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 







Heidi, I was totally opposite. I was MUCH better at being someone else's lackey. Now that I make my own hours and work is much freer, I have LOTS of trouble managing my time.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
This is me, too! I can do it if someone lays out what needs to be done for me. When I am responsible for doing it all on my own, I procrastinate and shut down.


Which just goes to show that personality can have a lot to do with how this condition manifests itself.







I'm a firstborn girl with a control freak mother. I just do much better when I am following my own rules, not trying to understand anyone else's. I tend to stick to the 'letter of the law' IYKWIM.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *inkslinger* 
This is me, too! I can do it if someone lays out what needs to be done for me. When I am responsible for doing it all on my own, I procrastinate and shut down.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 







Heidi, I was totally opposite. I was MUCH better at being someone else's lackey. Now that I make my own hours and work is much freer, I have LOTS of trouble managing my time.

Me too! I just can't seem to get it together enough to make my own rules and routines.

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I'm feeling kinda bad, my counselor had to cancel my last appt due to some emergency, I have this preschool auction that I'm supposed to be making a bunch of phone calls for and haven't done yet







, I'm putting off making other phone calls for bills that are wrong (we switched phone/internet providers and it's all a mess). Need to send in something for DS's new insurance...BLAH!!!! I just want to hide in a hole and have it all go away. I know the only way for it to go away is to DO it but I am having such a hard time motivating. It seems like when I have one thing hanging over my head I just can't accomplish anything. So I've made it a goal today to make 5 phone calls. If anyone wants to bug me about that later, feel free, I need some serious accountability.

Ophelia - I was feeling pretty good with taking some supplements a la "the Mood Cure" , mainly fish oil, vitamin, cal/mag, vit D3...but now that I have something "big" hanging over my head I'm back to not feeling so great. I think those supps helped with the slight depression I was feeling but not so much with the ADD. I bought this book called "healing ADD" by Dr. Daniel Amen, so far it's pretty good, but I haven't really gotten anything from it.

I've never tried stimulants and I'm still nursing so I don't really want to go there right now. In the future, I would be willing to try them.

Hope everyone is doing ok here in the throes of winter.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Ok, just wanted to follow up and say that I just made probably 10 phone calls!! Woo hoo!!







That feels so good. Plus I paid some bills and cleaned off my desk. Granted I let my 4yo DS play the Wii the whole time, but hey. I gotta do what I gotta do. Now I'm going to go spend some time with him.

Whew...I feel so much better. Damn this cursed ADD cycle. I'm killing myself doing this all the time...waiting for the adrenaline to kick in by waiting till the last minute, stressing myself out...URGH.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Good for you for doing that!!!
I'm totally with you on that cycle. So darn frustrating. I finish and I realize-- gee that was so much easier and i just killed myself for weeks making it all a big deal

I have to say being aware of the cycle and having it still happen is also extremely frustrating.

Anyways, I hope the rest of the calls go well and ride that feel good wave for all its worth!

Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Argh! I hate that cycle too. I am glad your got some of it done!









Quote:

I have to say being aware of the cycle and having it still happen is also extremely frustrating.
I agree entirely. I feel like I'm always working on leaving stuff behind in my head, so I can move on and do what I need to do. I want to hide in a hole right now, too.

I have not been back to the counsellor. I WANTED to go, but all three of the menfolk had been sick, and then with the snow, DH needed tha car, b/c where do you ride your bike if there's three feet of snow on the shoulder, YK? I had to cancell my appt. I have another one tomorrow, and guess what? The boys are sick again!














I think Matt' mom mightbe able to come over and watch them for me, but they like Popop better, because Nana doesn't play the harmonica.









I want to sleep for a year. I don't feel depressed, just tired and used up.


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## inkslinger (May 29, 2009)

So the Strattera was a no-go also. I started having dizziness, shortness of breath, and chest pains! Ack. I'm starting to think that I might have an underlying heart problem I don't know about. I'm going to get checked out for that in a week or so. I'm mad that I wasn't able to stay on the Strattera to see if it would work after several weeks. Argh.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Let us know what happens.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Hey, how is everyone? I haven't been around in ages. I got on another forum and hang there all the time. Hyperfocus anyone?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Hello again!


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## 47chromosomes (Aug 5, 2007)

Wow! What a great group! Gosh, so needed.

I am a mama of 2 little boys, 2 and 4. I was dx with ADHD in college. It made so much sense out of my life, and medication helped me to complete my degree.

I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding since May 2005, though, and boy, I've let taking care of ADD just slide by the wayside. Last month DH and I had a serious talk about ADD and how it affects our marriage, and how it affects my experience as a parent (and my kids experience of me!). We've always wanted 3 kids, so our discussion was about whether we should go ahead and have one more soon, or wean DS2 at the end of the winter months, and take a break from pregnancy and breastfeeding so I could get back on meds for a while and regroup before jumping in again. At first we decided to go ahead and try for a baby, but sense overcame us and by day 10 of my cycle we decided to wean DS now and get some meds. We both need a break from ADD! Well, as I slowly began cutting DS back from nursing, I think the shifting hormones caused and early (for me) ovulation, and now we are pregnant! We are really excited, but I am freaking out! I need to address ADD during this pregnancy, but especially during breastfeeding when it is really hard for me to keep it together.

Anyway, I am so glad to find a tribe all about moms who have ADHD on this forum. I will certainly be scouring the older posts while I procrastinate from the dishes and laundry.









Oh, and if anyone has stories about how they treated ADD during preg or bf, let me know what they are. Currently, I am trying a gluten free diet with which I have had a tiny bit of success with in the past.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I used B vitamins, Omega three's, caffeine, and Valerian while pg. The Omega threes made a HUGE difference between my first pregnancy and my second!

If we do get pregnant again, I will try to stay on an antidepressant that's safe. I have experienced a subtle improvement in my ADD symptoms since starting to take zoloft.

I think we've all been pregant so hopefully everyone will weigh in!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Wait, you can TREAT ADD???









j/k

I don't do much, though thinning out my schedule and caffeine helps.


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## 47chromosomes (Aug 5, 2007)

haha... what's a better word than "treat"? I guess we were hoping to have a break from some of the madness by going on meds for a while.

I would love to find something that works well enough to never use medication again to alleviate some of the more trying symptoms (hey, there's the word! ALLEVIATION). Anyway, would love to hear of how others alleviated symptoms during pregnancy and bfing.









Thanks ladies!


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I had read something that stated that ADD symptoms are somewhat alleviated during pregnancy... I don't remember what exactly it was that caused that (other than hormones). I think it was in the You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid... book
Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

My ADD symptoms got WORSE during PG! I have locked myself out of the house, the car, found jugs of milk in the pantry and coffee filters in the fridge while pg.

Do you know how hard it is for a 5'10" 8 months pregnant woman to climb a ladder and crawl in a 2 foot wide window!!??









I split my pants!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

When I'm pg, I tend to be so much more run-down and less patient with myself and everything else, so the ADD isn't quite so pleasant.

Heidi, I just had an awesome mental image. LOL.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

So ADD and pregnancy are not working out over here either. Throw in the fact that we are living in a one bedroom apt, all 3 (4?) of us sleeping in one full size bed with ds' newly acquired hamster about 2 feet away squeaking away all night (the hamster is the result of one my finest moments of ADD-provoked inspiration







).

We have a single burner hot plate and a mini fridge and about 6 inches of cabinet space after putting away dishes and stuff. I'm disorganized under the best of circumstances and depend on strict self imposed structure to function....a weekly menu/shopping list, an itemized list detailing how to clean my own bathroom, etc, and if I'm missing one small item from a list (like if I run out of bleach for isntance) I panic and decide I can't clean the bathroom at all and then it doesn't get done. so for me living like this is quite challenging. Plus I'm having a major case of nesting instinct, and no nest to speak of, lol so I'm quite the frustrated would-be homemaker.

Throw in the second job I just got hired for (a newspaper route) which requires me to wake up at 3 AM every morning, and it's going to be ugly. I'm already tired and this is going to be the icing on the cake.

I was thinking, if I am already drinking 1-2 cups of coffee daily at this stage of pregnancy (33 weeks) it wouldn't be detrimental to dd for me to continue drinking coffee after she's born, would it? Coffee really helps me focus and get things done.

I feel really sorry for my dp who, bless his heart, understands that I'm a little "different," lol, but still gets understandab;y frustrated because I just cannot seem to function like other people. I operate in spurts and starts and depend on last-minute panic to get things accomplished. I have a lot of fabulous ideas though







So he ends up either nagging me to do the boring things like clean house and wash clothes, or going with me to help motivate me, or just doing it himself while I'm at work. Add to that the fact that I think part of my plug is starting to come out and I'm having harder/more frequent contractions, so I told him no more sex until 36 weeks, and the poor guy is not a very happy camper.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

waiting2bemommy, I totally didn't know you were pregnant. Or maybe I knew and forgot, which is more likely. We're due a week apart.









Are you going nuts thinking thoughts like "OMG, I'm not holding it together with one, so WHAT MADE ME THINK TWO WAS A GOOD IDEA???"

Debating whether to start taking Lexapro at the beginning of April so I'm good by the end. I do NOT want to do the PPD thing this time, like I did with DS. Nope. No way, no how. I will eat my placenta raw like a steak to prevent it if I have to.


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## 47chromosomes (Aug 5, 2007)

The last time I was pregnant I was able to do two university classes to complete my degree (which I thought was completed well before, but that is another ADD story). The idea is that during pregnancy the increased blood flow helps your brain function more optimally. It worked for me (though this time it's not kicked in yet... ugh!).

For me, breastfeeding is rough. Every time my supply increases or decreases and my hormone levels do the same, I start to feel so crazy. Maybe it is PDD... I never brought it up to anyone. It was bad, and I'm almost afraid to go there again. Especially with 3 this time.

With this entire pregnancy ahead of me, and then 2 or more years of breastfeeding, I just... I don't know. I don't want to wait that long to feel a little more on top of my life. Ah, well. We will do what we can.
K


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Totally feel you, 47.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Me too. I was so zen when pregnant. Nothing really bothered me. Now I am having a really hard time dealing with life. Brain spinning constantly, can't focus on more than one thing at a time...I'll admit I have not been a very good mother lately. I have such grand ideas and energy, but then each morning when I wake up I just don't know where to start so end up failing right off the bat.







I would be so down to take medication right now, but I really want to BF my little till at least 2. I'm trying a supplement regime right now, but it's hard because I forget to take them half the time. When I do take them for days in a row, I can tell. It helps.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

So I started the new job and the actual job is great....get up, mindlessly stuff newspapers into bags for half an hour, shvoel them into the car and distribute. The problem is, now my day is going something like this:
get up at 1:30 to be there by 2 AM, do route, get home around 5 ish. Get up again at 8:30, go to work at 9:30, get off work at either 4 or 7 PM, go to bed with ds at 8 PM (which means no housework is happening), get back up at 12 and get ds out of bed and put him in the carseat to go pick up dp from work, get back home, spend 20 minutes convincing ds that it is indeed still night time and there are several more hours of sleep yet to be had, fall back asleep just in time to wak up again at 1:30 AM and do it all over.

I found this tea that contains dong quai which is supposed to be awesome for help[ing nerves and crazy hormones but they don't recommend it until you're close enough to deliver safely. I'm thinking I might go ahead and take it since I'm not that far from my due date now (not that I'm trying to induce early, but I'm not as worried as I would be at, say 24 or 30 weeks) Anyone tried drinking it? I think it's made by a brand called yogi or something like that and it's called women's energy I think. If it can help me be less evil it's probably worth it, lol.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
waiting2bemommy, I totally didn't know you were pregnant. Or maybe I knew and forgot, which is more likely. We're due a week apart.









Are you going nuts thinking thoughts like "OMG, I'm not holding it together with one, so WHAT MADE ME THINK TWO WAS A GOOD IDEA???"

Debating whether to start taking Lexapro at the beginning of April so I'm good by the end. I do NOT want to do the PPD thing this time, like I did with DS. Nope. No way, no how. I will eat my placenta raw like a steak to prevent it if I have to.

heh, see why I have no friends IRL? My social skills suck, I totally read your post, thought of a reply, and then proceeded to completely forget about it









Yes, I'm going nuts with the thought that I could have a baby in as little as 3 weeks if she decides to make an early appearance. I am SO not ready for this!!!! I don't even LIKE to do laundry, nor have I a single solitary cloth diaper, but I keep insisting that I'm going to use only cloth, so therefore I haven't bought even one pack of pampers. So if she is born earlier than expected, I guess I'll throw one of ds' nighttime pullups under her while dp runs to 7-11.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

LOL, waiting... you could just ec(-; (Just kidding, I'd want to have some stuff for that too).Gotta run pick up my son...
Jessica


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I really want to respond to everyone! But I need to get off of here and pay attention to my kids.







I am having a hard time this morning. Been yelling a lot, no patience. The funny thing is I was feeling pretty good because I have been so scatterbrained lately, I finally consolidated all my lists and notes and thoughts onto one list and tacked it on the wall this morning and then my brain could rest and stop thinking. But for some reason, my little was being extra clingy this am and my 4yo was being extra demanding and I just snapped. I think part of it is that I require a lot of time for myself and I'm trying to do that during the day when the kids are with me. Which results in me getting frustrated and them getting ignored. I'm really wanting to homeschool my DS but I'm just not sure if I can stick to a schedule (which would be awesome for both of us). I think I'm going to practice during spring break.

Ok, I have a silly question, how much time do you all spend on the internet daily? I am having a really hard time limiting myself, it's almost an obsession, ok it IS an obsession. Learning/reading about this, that or the other thing. I just can't stop and I need help.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Ok... ditto to just about everything above... with minor variations.
I just installed a addon for Firefox called Leechblocker... so you can set a time limit for certain websites (up to 6 addresses).... The problem is that it only works about half the time (I'm thinking its me that did the set up wrong)... so it isn't helping me much yet....

Jessica


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

On a completely different note (3 hours later...) my dh has started putting dd to bed. Yes, my 2 1/2 year old dd, he's put her to bed a handful of times and I've been bugging him to do it more lately. This is night 2 and she fell asleep tonight while nursing, but I was able to get her up w/o waking her. The previous months she has been really hard for me to get to sleep and I've just been keeping her up since I couldn't leave once she fell asleep or having her fall asleep on me. She's also been doing that mostly for naps unless I got lucky and got her to sleep in the car... or she's been skipping. So I've been really frazzled and feeling crazy. And trying to get dh to help. So this feels great!!
So I've had 2 nights with a little bit of time. Wow, I coudl get used to this.
However, I just about killed my dh last night when he got annoyed at me for being on the computer at 9:15, not using this time he granted me wisely and to his expectations (his words). Well, first off, he just decided to do this bed thing that night and I had no idea how it would work or that he would even continue to do it and because he pis&ed me off I went to bed after him. He just came down, made his comments and he wnet back upstairs. Of course, if I coudl think clearly at times like that I would say something useful instead of sputtering or making excuses- especially when I DON"T NEED TO MAKE AN EXCUSE Argh, I hate that I can't communicate well aroudn this stuff... dh would handle me much better if I could just converse instead of excusing or fighting and I could actually make my point. Anyways..
Today I just made sure to explain better how I was feeling about it rather than making us both angry last night. Im sure I didn't do a very good job of it in my typical add fashion... but I don't really care. I was livid last night and he was looking for any excuse not to do it (putting dd to bed) again so wanted to use my going to bed late as an example of why he shouldn't do it.... blah blah blah. We had a relatively okay conversation today which I tried to keep lighthearted but blunt as possible. I knew he would be angry that I didn't go to bed as early as he, but there was no way I coudl have dealt with that last night w/o ending up resentfull and I'm making my effort to be ready for bed.... because I AM appreciative and that is something I want to work on too (for me, too).
My dh for years has insisted that if I went to bed 'earlier' everything would be just fine. LOL. I've tried it, it hasn't worked. Maybe someday it will but I think I need to learn to manage the add better, too.
I managed to clean up and everythign now, so that means I coudl have 1 hour to do some fun stuff and cross off some things on my list... or just veg... or read the Mothering Mag. Or do the yoga tape I picked up for the library. Hopefully not get sucked in here at MDC or on Facebook etc.
So I'm hoping this keeps up because I can sure use this, and I hope I can use the time wisely (including just having an every once in a while do nothin that I can still feel good about). IF it keeps up then I would like to sign up for an ADD class and since I can count on some time here and there, I hope it will be easier to think/plan/do.

Wish me luck!
And, I'm tempted to take my kids to My Gym every day if it tires them out this much(-;

JEssica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

well, its nice to know that at least I have company.









I feel really crazy right now. So many things just careening off the inside of my skull. I really NEED an ADD med. I can't function.

for a few weeks after starting the SSRI I did OK, but now, I'm just HYPER. Which for me means hyper mentally, emotionally, and verbally, but still can't get off my butt. Why, oh why couldn't I spread some of that energy out a bit?

I have two pantsless tiny people sitting on the couch right now. I reall should put on a bra, put pants on them, and go to the grocery store. Here I sit.

I am totally dealing with most of what y'all are dealing with.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Matt took an ADD self-test in the magazine ADDittude, and he scored 18 out of 21.









And he might not have a job by the end of the week.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

What's going on? Are you ok divulging details?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

yeah, I can. BBL...


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

heidirk, hope you are feeling better. Does your DH still have a job?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

His issues are affecting his performance at work, but he's been much calmer lately, and more patient. THis job has been good for him- he's learned a lot of positive parenting skills.

it really doesn't matter if his problems are ADD or Aspie related, he just needs help. At least he's been looking up providers.

He's been anxious ever since yesterday afternoon. He finally got so edgy that I asked him to go by himself (he was going to take Henry along) because he was not able to be patient enough to get Hen's shoe on and out the door. He left in a huff, but he stopped to say that he was taking his phone so I could call him if I needed him.

I feel like if I weren't so completely idiotic mself, that maybe I could help him- even though I know its not my job.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

((((heidirk))))


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Oh ladies, I am NOT doing well today. DP and I got in an argument this am (happening a lot lately) so I finally said, I need to leave. I am at a local diner having some greasy food and using the free wifi. I just feel so overwhelmed and so lost. I feel so irritable lately and I just can't snap out of it. My older ds is driving me crazy, I am certain that he also has ADD, he is SO spacey and you have to tell him something at least five times before he'll even respond. I have to count to three all the time because he just can't listen! Add that to my impatience, well, frankly, it's not a pretty scene. And DP just doesn't get it. I don't know how to make him get it. I guess we really need counseling which we've been talking about for years, but I know it's time to really do and I'm sure I'm just going to put it off like I always do.

AND I had a food allergy test done for ds and he has senstivities to like, everything. Gluten, eggs, dairy, coconut, peanuts....AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wth am I supposed to feed the kid?

I am so done and over life right now. I just want to give up. I have an appt with my counselor on Thursday and until now I have not wanted to do meds, but I think I'm ready. Ds2 is one, still nursing, but something has to change. I am so burned out. I need like a drastic change, and I know this is a hallmark trait of adders but I so need some adventure or craziness in my life. It is so boring that I think I am trying to create drama. Plus the preschool auction that I was so stressed about is over so now I have no big stress and I am so unfocused.

Even if I don't do stimulants, do you think maybe an anti-depressant would help? I've really been trying to go the natural route, supplements, fish oil and the like, but I have a very hard time remembering to take them. Yes, they sit in front of me every morning, but I forget at least every other day.








URgh. I just want to run away, which I used to do all the time when I didn't have kids. But now, I can't and it is suffocating. I know I need to get out more and I am going to start volunteering at the library one night a week. Plus there is a mom's night out this week with some local ap mamas so I'll do that. But I don't think it's going to be enough.









And one more thing...DP and I just don't get along. I love the guy, he is my best friend, but we have totally different senses of humor, interests, you name it, we are on totally different wavelengths most of the time. It is so frustrating. It's like, we've grown in different directions and I don't know what to do about it. Not to mention, I have NO libido whatsoever. I've been meaning to get in and get my hormones/thyroid checked to see if maybe there is a physical reason, but you guessed it. I keep putting it off.







One more frown for good measure.

Sorry about the novel, but I just needed to vent and this seemed like a place where I might be understood. Hoping you all are having a better day than I am. I'm not proofreading this so hope it makes sense!

Oh, I thought of something else I wanted to run past you all. I am feeling so guilty for not providing my kids with the best of childhoods. I mean, they have to deal with a yelling, cranky momma on a daily basis and I just wonder how I am screwing them up. How do I get past not being a better parent? I am doing the best I can and I just feel like it's not good enough.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Oh my goodness Cody'smomma, you've got a lot on your mind.

Nursing and meds: there are antidepressants one can take while nursing. But maybe you're ready to wean anyway.

Stirring up drama because you're bored: I get this. And yes, you're probably experiencing something like post Holiday let down.

Anti-depressant vs stimulant: You have a four y.o. and a one y.o. I think chances are good that you're depressed. And depression in moms often times takes the form of intense irritation, anger and absentmindedness.

I think it's possible that you forget to take the supplements because you don't feel any concrete benefit. Yes, they're definitely helping you, but not the way you're hoping.

You and your dh are in the thick of it right now, this is the hardest part.

More later.

--------

Edited to add, the time when our kids were this age was most difficult for dh and me. I could have gone the rest of my life without having sex. I was ticked at dh all the time. And a lot of mommas have described similar experiences. We did get through it, though. The kids got bigger, I found an effective anti-depressant. It was hard. It still is hard sometimes, but life is much, much better now. My kids are 15 and almost 11 y.o., by the way.

Good luck at your appointment. I hope you get some good help.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

I just posted an insanely long post over in toddlers about my ds. My house is a total mess. We are moving on Thursday. I'm not working anymore (well except for odd jobs) and I STILL can't keep it clean. I just don't get it. Dp asks me wat I do all day and I'm like, "uh......" we have no internet and no tv, and half the time he takes the car. So why can I not manage to clean the house and cook something besides pb & j for dinner?????

Is it an ADD thing, or is it just me, that I'm so sensitive to everything I'm told? He says "are you going to wash the dishes, babe?" and I feel so guilty because I should ahve gotten them done forever ago and start thinking "see, I suck at keeping house" etc etc and snap at him for nagging me, which starts a fight, which makes me cry, which makes him more frustrated, and the dishes don't even get washed. sigh. and I'm starting to think my 2 year old has ADHD. Seriously. He has been getting worse for a couple months but yesterday and today were the icing on the cake. I think I mopped the same floor like 5 times yesterday, just doing damage control. And that was without letting him out of my sight, except to pee.

I really think I might lose my mind when I have 2 children (which could be anytime now.) I can't decide which one to keep so maybe I'll leave them both with their dad and put myself up for adoption instead.







.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

waiting2bmommy and cody'smamma- just HUGE HUGE HUGE























All I can say to both of you is You are NOT alone. I am or have experienced almost everything you two are going through, so vent away.









Specifically- totally understand the-

*not enough to do/creating drama thing
*the not cleaning the house even though I'm there 24/7 thing
*the terrified my kid has this crap too thing
*the no interest in sex thing









The omega threes I notice a huge improvement on. Maybe if you made it more complicated/involved you could remember to take them? Like this- draw a chart on a peice of paper, and mark off hours. Take the supplements then set a timer and record the results every so often. Maybe if it was more stressful it'd be more interesting? IYKWIM.









Every time I think The supplements aren't making any difference- I forget to take them, and then I wonder why I feel cruddy again.









AAM- Dh is losing his job. He hasn't connected up with a counsellor yet. He has 2 weeks, and we can keep the insurance through the end of April.

sigh...


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

to everyone! It all seems to go in cycles, doesn't it? We're all ok and feeling ok and quiet for a while, then BANG. We're back here.

I don't have lots of crazy stuff going on, but being 36w pregnant is enough at this point. I'm freaking out about PPD and being able to afford placenta encapsulation (can I afford NOT to??), which is going to be about $250 through a local doula.

DH is typically unrecognizing of the fact that I'm so pregnant, and I maintain that he's going to be totally floored when our MWs show up on Wednesday for our home visit and bring the pool and all the supplies.

So yeah, playing the waiting game. And I'm not so good at it.
















all around.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

sigh... Oh, smee- if you need company around B-day... let me know.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 









sigh... Oh, smee- if you need company around B-day... let me know.









B-day as in birthing day?


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
B-day as in birthing day?


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

You know, that may be a great idea! DH has been banished to Toby duty for the sake of our marriage (he's the worst labor partner EVER







), and though I have potentially 2 MWs and an assistant coming, it might be nice to have someone who's BTDT, especially if I'm looking at another long labor.

I may take you up on the offer. Let's work out some details.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

I'm not here much, but smee, if you overnight your placenta to me, I'll do it for you. I did mine and that helps my mood as much as all the other supplements I take.

I don't do it fancy. I had mine in the fridge a week, sliced it and dehydrated it in Pookel's dehydrator, stuck it in my dry Vitamix container for (and left it on the counter for 7 months :doh) and ground it up in there. I do have an encapsulator. I'd just charge for cost of capsules and getting it here. Capsules were $5 and shipping priority FRE or small FRB would be $4.80, and um, that would be all.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Hey gals...it's so nice having this thread to come back to where I know people will understand.









heidi - are you guys going to be ok? How is your dh? My dp had to take two mandatory days off (not paid) last week. And two more this week. Work is just so slow right now (electrician). But it will definitely pick up. And the funny thing is I actually got a little excited when he told me. The reason? I was excited that I now had something to stress about.







Isn't that so silly? Only you guys would understand that. I thought, oh ok, now I have a great reason to be super frugal and obsessive about it. It's so silly, I know.

So on dps days off last week we were gone all day Friday, and then Saturday we went to the mountains to stay at a friend's cabin (read LODGE). Then Sunday we went straight to the city to another friend's for brunch. It was so nice to be gone and on the move. It made me in a really good mood. I had no internet so it was refreshing. It made me really want to wander again. I used to do that before kids. Life getting stale? Up and move. Bored? Take off. Now I really want to finish fixing up our house so that at least if we want to try and sell, we can.

At my counseling appt last week we determined that I really need a BIG CHANGE. And I'm not talking volunteering at the library once a week change. I'm thinking huge. Gonna chop my hair, look for a job change. I just feel so stale right now.

I guess that is one good thing about ADD, life is certainly never boring! We gotta change it up so we don't get bored. I'm thinking about taking an anti-depressant. I've been petrified to ever do that, but I go through these depressive periods and I am so tired of it. I just want to feel generally happy. Anyone had success on anything? I am still nursing.

sme - happy birthing to you, that is such and exciting time!

Maggirayne - I still have my placenta in the freezer from, oh, December 08!







I'm thinking that's not good. I'll probably just bury it under a tree in the yard or something.

Hope everyone is doing well today. Think I'll make an appt to cut my hair...


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

So cody'smomma theoretically I could just stick the placenta in the freezer until I get the money to get it encapsulated? We're moving on the 1st and rent is due on the 5th and we don't even have THAT covered, so encapsulating the placenta at the time of birth is not very high up on the must do list. But I really, really want to do it. I am pretty much willing to do whatever if it will keep me sort of sane after the baby is born.

The thing that is frustrating me, as bizarre as THIS is going to sound, is not the lack of money. It's the fact that we have a lack of money while I am like 38 weeks pregnant and no one will pay me to do anything about it which means all I can do is sit around and be grumpy. I don't mind stress at all because it always gives me a huge jumpstart on being super productive. But I'm totally helpless right now and it is driving me crazy. The last two days I think I have started to cry like 5 times. Dp is at the point where he just rolls his eyes now, when I get all teary. Which makes me cry harder. This is all just SO FUN. :/


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

That's what I've heard. My friend did that.

Oh mamas I just got some terrible news...DP just got laid off!!























I mean, I guess I knew in the back of mind that it was possible but I never thought it would happen. He worked so hard to move up in his company. But there is just no work right now. Maybe they'll need him later on in the summer, I'm not sure. How scary!! I guess now we're right there along with millions of other Americans.

So now, I guess my need for wanting a big change has been fulfilled. Be careful what you wish for, eh? I suppose the fact that I was thinking about getting a job is a good thing now. Amazing how life works that way...


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe your big change will be moving to an area where his skills are more needed right now? That could be a positive thing I guess. Try not to stress too much about it (I know that's way easier said than done.)


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

s- cody'smomma I am so sorry. We're in the same boat- DH's job is over at the end of next week.







meh...

waiting2bmommy- I know how it feels to be stuck. Mine really grates on me, because its not a temporary condition or anything like that, its ME. I have no education, no skills. I feel like a huge weight tied around my DH's neck.

Toward contributing something- I am going to try my darndest to cook up some WAH opportunities for myself. Here's my shortlist...

freelance writing
making stuff to sell- mostly wooly/handwork stuff.

The key to freelancing will be to find the openings to get my name in. The key to the making stuff is finding time to make it. I have a placethat is willing to sell some of my stuff- now I just need some stuff to sell.









TBH- I feel cruddy about it, b/c I set aside my studies and some more formal ministry jobs at church b/c my 'menfolk' really need me right now.







I might be getting a handle on this whole housekeeping gig, but I don't know how long that'll last if I have to go off merds b/c of no longer having insurance.

all I can do is try.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 







s- cody'smomma I am so sorry. We're in the same boat- DH's job is over at the end of next week.







meh...

waiting2bmommy- I know how it feels to be stuck. Mine really grates on me, because its not a temporary condition or anything like that, its ME. I have no education, no skills. I feel like a huge weight tied around my DH's neck.

Toward contributing something- I am going to try my darndest to cook up some WAH opportunities for myself. Here's my shortlist...

freelance writing
making stuff to sell- mostly wooly/handwork stuff.

The key to freelancing will be to find the openings to get my name in. The key to the making stuff is finding time to make it. I have a placethat is willing to sell some of my stuff- now I just need some stuff to sell.









TBH- I feel cruddy about it, b/c I set aside my studies and some more formal ministry jobs at church b/c my 'menfolk' really need me right now.







I might be getting a handle on this whole housekeeping gig, but I don't know how long that'll last if I have to go off merds b/c of no longer having insurance.

all I can do is try.











Can you apply for temp assistance through chip or something?? PA has AWESOME state services for people without insurance.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 









Can you apply for temp assistance through chip or something?? PA has AWESOME state services for people without insurance.

Yeah, I'm going to look into some things this week.

cLeaning today! Her'e smy list-

vacuum
do dishes
cook/color eggs. ok- so its past Easter...








meal plan/grocery list
knit


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

hey! How is everyone?


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

um, well, I babysat twin 2 year olds today and so you can imagine what my house looks like. I'm 4 days from my due date and pretty slow at chores right about now. I promised SO a lasagna and did actually make it except that I forgot to boil the noodles first. I haven't decided yet whether to laugh at myself or go cry.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

how'd the lasagne turn out? Sometimes its ok if you don't cook the noodles...


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Eh, not great. I'm just feeling like I can't go on like this. Luckily I have an appt on Wednesday for meds. I've never done meds for depression but I'm ready. I hope they do something for me. I'm just so over trying to eat healthy, trying to be frugal, cleaning the house, doing kids activities, trying to save the planet. I'm just done. I just want to eat processed junk and spend money and use baggies for goodness sakes!! Now that dp is laid off I'm seriously thinking about going out and getting a job. I just need a change, I don't want to be like this anymore! DP and I have our first joint counseling session tomorrow, hope it goes well. Plus I'm going to do a little unpaid internship at my sister's work so it will be nice to get out and use my brain for a couple of hours.

I know that lately I've been using this thread as a place to complain, but I promise I will come back and update when things get better. Notice I said when!!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

sometimes I have to forget that planet and just use paper towels, YK?

I hate to compromise, but sometimes it's just not worth it. In the last few months, we've even skipped church if the kis didn't sleep, or kept us upo for hours in the night, or we've just had a terribly dificult day. Some days we just need to STOP.

ANyway, that's my sage advice- control the controllables.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

My cousin just had her baby - easy birth in hospital, one day before her due date. She posted on Facebook less than an hour after the birth.

I was ok being pregnant until I heard that. Now? I'm really, really angry. Angry at how unfair this whole thing is - that I ended up a week late, with a 3 day labor and with every intervention known to man despite all my education and doing my best to avoid them, and the OB who doesn't see a single difference between a c-section and a vaginal birth gets the short, easy, uncomplicated labor the day before her due date.

I've had to fight and fight for my VBAC, and if she has a second baby, she'll just keep going the way she's always been - ignorant and happy.

I'm so, so, angry. And disappointed at myself that I'm angry because things went well for her. I'm separating my anger at the situation from anger at her, but really? I just want to hole up until my baby comes. And if one more relative emails me with something like "one down, one to go!" I'm just going to lose it.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

that's really hard. I have a secret fear that I will end up in the hospital this time if I go over, and then all the relatives will get to gloat because they were right about that "crazy home birth stuff." It's SO hard to wait, I know, and even worse when everyone around seems to be going into labor first.







s


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

to both of you.

and







and







and







again.

I'll be praying that things go well.


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Feeling better this morning. I think it also hit me so hard because I was so sick. I totally lost my Zen yesterday, but it feels like I'm back on track.

So thanks for the hugs.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Zen is overrated.


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## waiting2bemommy (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
Feeling better this morning. I think it also hit me so hard because I was so sick. I totally lost my Zen yesterday, but it feels like I'm back on track.

So thanks for the hugs.









glad to hear it.









I told my mom Ineeded to come by her houseto pick up my herbs that I had forgotten and left there, because I'm ready to start them now, and she told me I couldn't have them !!!! reason: it might not be safe. But she is tellin me to mentally prepare for a hospital induction with pit. so now my mother is holding my herbs hostage


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)




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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Heellllooooo!!!!! (anybody lurking?)

waiting2bmommy- How are you??

Smeisnotapirate- how are YOU?

where are you all????


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

I'm around!

Just had a Webster session with a local chiro, and OMG, I think it worked. I'm super lopsided on the left and it doesn't feel like there's a spider in my belly any more. SCORE.

Otherwise, just waiting and trying to get stuff done before baby. I feel like I need to get this recording done in the next 24 hours... I don't have any reason to feel that way, but I'm getting a bit panicked.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

nesty-nesty!! Yay about the webster technique working! now, just don't sleep on your right side!

If you go into labor anytime the next three weeks, I should be super available!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
nesty-nesty!! Yay about the webster technique working! now, just don't sleep on your right side!

If you go into labor anytime the next three weeks, I should be super available!










I darn well better go into labor in the next 3 weeks!!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *smeisnotapirate* 
I darn well better go into labor in the next 3 weeks!!


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 









You're a sick, sick woman.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Hey all. Well, I did it. I am now taking Wellbutrin. It's only been not even a week and of course I can't tell any difference yet. I'm actually feeling a bit more down. It does NOT help that my DP is home during the day now. At least before I could kind of do my own thing, even if that meant nothing. Now he is there to see me be down and I don't think he really cares that much. At least not that he shows. He is one of those kinds of people who think that I should just be able to snap out of it.

Last night I was kind of excited because I told him that I wanted to have kind of a schedule for around the house, like what goes on during the day. And the schedule he came up with was by the half hour, on a write/wipe board so that we could schedule each day the night before. I was like, WHOA buddy, that's not what I meant. I meant more of a loose idea of what the days will look like. So then he was all annoyed that I didn't want to do it his way and then I felt even worse. Thanks dude. It was my schedule idea to begin with and I"m sorry but I don't want to schedule every half hour down to the minute. That would drive me CRAZY. So then he said he was all mopey because he feels I won't follow through with it. Jeez, thanks for the vote of confidence. So I just went to bed. Today, I did not follow through with it cause I'm still feeling really shitty from last night and frankly he can kiss my







.

We are not doing well. He came with me to my last counseling appt but he still just doesn't get it. I'm not sure he ever will. When do I just give up? I'm so tired of expecting from him and being let down time and again. I'm sure he could say the same about me. Maybe we were just not meant to be. I have no idea how to talk to the guy. And I have no idea how to put into words how I am feeling so that he can understand. Can guys ever understand? Or am I asking too much? Should I not feel this overwhelming desire for him to understand me and my life?

Sorry for the ramble, do you think I should post in PaP?


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

I so hear you cody'smomma. My dh would LURVE a schedule like that and I would shrivel up at the thought. EGADS! We actually had a very similar thing happen, too., but I started the conversation talked about a very very loose schedule. I still don't think he 'got' it but I was VERY vocal about how I hate schedules and coudln't believe that I was going to try one. (hmm, haven't really been doing it much lately :rollseyes)

I really feel like for some people ADHD has the biggest impact on managing relationships, communication and the kind of couples conflicts you are referring to. I can't blame all my communication problems with ADD but I am starting to see how it makes things more challenging. I mean, it's kinda hard to communicate somethign with others when I don't even know the answers for myself.
Of course, no one can say what is too much or when is too much, but maybe knowing that some of the challenges are likely linked to ADHD might help- at least I feel like for me that might mean I can learn to manage my communications to function better. I really have just started looking for helpful resources so I wish I had something to suggest. Maybe I'll stumble across something useful, but right now I'm plugging away.

I've only started to learn that there are so many things that I let bother me about dh that doesn't bother him AT ALL, so I waste a lot of energy thinking he is mad or annoyed at me, and he isn't. Maybe he was angry or annoyed, but his angst usually lasts about 30 minutes and then he's done (99% or the time). I however, would carry that yucky feeling with me for days. It is not easy to unlearn stuff like this. The problem related to ADD is that I can't even put my own feelings to words, certainly can't express them to him. If I try to talk about things I muddle everything up and focus on the wrong things and nothing gets resolved. It becomes really hard to talk about things when I'm emotional about them, and almost as hard later on because I'm thinking too much about it (what I said, he said, what I meant, what I should have said, what he might have interpreted, how hard it is going to be to talk about it, any time something similar happened etc.). I give up before I even explore how _I_ feel about it.

Anyways, if I do have some time to process stuff and think about stuff, I usually find that I have over reacted, I havn't communicated anythign specific to dh, and he's not aware or he's done with the issue. If I'm still effected, than I need to fix it myself or involve him and at this point I sometimes still see the challenges- either not being sure how to communicate or not wanting to manage the steps I need to take to communicate with dh (so thus the I'll take care of it myself because it is easier than getting someone else to do it). Now someone w/o ADD might not have to deal with all these extra points that get me stuck. At least that's my theory.

I suppose some people are partnered with someone who takes more initiative or is helpful- I can wish that my husband was this way, but he isn't- he wants/needs me to talk clearly, let me know my thoughts, and even give him a clear demand. I just have not learned to communicate that way.

Jessica


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Sorry, I have a leechblocker installed on Firefox and my MDC time was about to expire... had to send that off before I lost everything I typed. Lovin' how i can just override it by using another browser, but it does help keep me aware of how long I'm on the computer.

I'm not sure if my post is very helpful at all. I got carried away with to much examples about me.... and I don't mean to imply that the problem is all on one side. Of course, the other partner needs to facilitate conversation and take a responsibility to do this.
I think what I meant to say is that I have just discovered that the ADD does effect and I've started to guess that my husband needs to learn how my add effects our communication.
For us, I think a bit of this is the 'missing link'. We might not have to tackle the whole thing and find the complete solution, but like everything else with ADD I hope that if we find a few tools (some for me, some for him) it will get easier.

Keep us posted, taek care,
Jessica


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

AARRRGGHHHHHH!!!







I just lost my WHOLE POST!!!!!









BBL.


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## Maggirayne (Mar 6, 2007)

Smee and waiting2bemommy, LMK if either of you want me to do your placentas. Mine was in the fridge for a week before I dried it, and then it was in the dry Vitamix for 7 months waiting for me to grind it to be encapsulated. I can still tell it helps. PM me your # and I can call you. I will be gone a few days here, so don't just mail it, oh duh, don't have my address.














But seriously, I'll do it for you all.

Cody'smomma, I use stuff that's been in the freeezer for ages, meat, etc, unless it's been freezerburned.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

smee had her baby!!! - a little girl


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## smeisnotapirate (Aug 24, 2007)

..... and Heidi was the most amazing doula! She was born yesterday at home at 9:34pm after 26 hours of labor. She had a nuchal arm (yes, the whole arm, apparently), but I had only a few tiny skid marks - no tears! She's already nursed, and is just the most beautiful thing.


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

I have to say that was one of the most phenomenal experiences of my life.









Sara, I agree w/you. Her hand had to be up over her head or in front of her face. It was after you said you had felt something move that your labor picked up. I think that's when her arm came down by her ear, and then you made progress.

I was seriously pushing with you!









You were amazing!!!!!






























Cody'smomma and Jess- I am so sorry I never got back on here to answer your posts. I hope both of you are in a better head-place now.
















Here's my newest development... I love Ativan!!
















Matt's still job-hunting, and we are out of cash. sigh.... thanfully our income tax refund is comeing soon, but we will still have racked up some cc debt by then.









Henry- Ds1- has an IEP meeting that Matt and I are to attend on Friday. Its to determine services for him for speech. On the up end of things, I have been hearing him use the 'F' sound!!







But he has 2-3 other to master. Then we'll start getting him evaluated for ADHD.







blegh.


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## jessjgh1 (Nov 4, 2004)

Ok, new thread!!!! Thanks Heidi
*NEW THREAD HERE:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1222936*
But, fist- I LOVED the birth story from both of your perspectives, I can't believe i didn't comment earlier. Yea!!! Congrats!! Beautiful!!!
I've been hoping to find time to chat here, but now I'll just hop on over to thread 4(-; But not now, lo asleep in my self, I need to go to the bathroom, I need to clean up the kitchen, and leave to pick up ds in a few minutes. AIIIGhghhg!! -Jessica


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