# I know I *need* a c-section, but I'm so so upset and miserable about it...



## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

I have complete placenta previa... so its not like its a question of if I need a c-section or not (and we will be checking again before the surgery just in case it moved) but I am so upset and miserable about this upcoming surgery.

I've had two vaginal births with not even a single tear between them.

The doctors I am seeing are so stuck up and on their high horses and so so busy I can't even speak to them for anything (perinatologists, my last baby was a stillbirth at 38 weeks and I just spent 3 days in the hospital for a major previa bleed). But they are the *bestest* doctors from every nurse and prior patient posting about them online, and the ONLY ones available at this hospital (Kaiser). Going to another hospital to possibly have a different perinatologist covered under my insurance would be an additional long drive plus a lower nicu rating (heaven forbid we'd need the nicu).

Regardless of the fact that the ONE time that the specific specialist doctor saw me during my hospital stay he said that we'd schedule a c-section "about 3 weeks before your due date" they have me scheduled for a section at 36 weeks, *and* his notes state scheduling a section at 36 weeks regardless of what he told me (and he was quite snotty when I said "3 weeks before my due date, so 37 weeks, correct?"). When seeing me at the hospital he even corrected my freaking grammar when I responded to a question!

Trying to get answers about why they have me scheduled then (because without a medical reason I want to wait until 37 weeks, which I feel from research is a better choice in timing, understanding they don't want me to go into labor on my own and have the placenta detach/bleed) is impossible. For pete's sakes I'm scheduled for twice a week NSTs in the same hallway as the doctor and the NST nurse can't even get to speak to him for 5 minutes the HOUR I was there, nor was she able to get ahold of him to call me back about the matter when I was one of the first appointments of the day at the NST (the NST nurse btw is wonderful, I really like her).

The NST nurse doesn't even KNOW if I'll have a prenatal appointment prior to the appointment on the 27th for an amnio to check for lung maturity (c-section is scheduled on the 29th for the moment). What?! Granted the NSTs do *everything* the prenatals do, but I need to see the doctor and I have questions and concerns here! Especially questions and concerns about wanting my baby with me continually after her birth, surgical or not as long as she doesn't have medical needs requiring the nursery, and to ask about the standards of babies in recovery and such.

I was waiting for the nurse to call me back today (thinking surely in a full day she'd get ahold of the doctor for me) to tell her that I require a prenatal regardless of the system feeling I "need" to or not to cover my concerns. I'll be addressing at least this issue on tuesday at my next NST.

So here I've gone on about all my worries that are only touching base on the c-section and I'm so freaked out just about the c-section itself as much as I am at the lack of communication, feeling pushed around and my wishes denied/ignored. I feel so completely powerless. I have anxiety that I can't treat with medication while pregnant, and just the thought of having to fight tooth and nail to have some minimum wishes followed with these "we know best you silly girl" doctors makes me feel pukey and close to a panic attack.

I'm not writing necessarily to get answers on what to *do*, I know the only thing *to* do is suck it up and push for my answers and needs to be met... but I could sure use a shoulder to cry on. People around me IRL that I've tried to speak to seem to think I should just be grateful this baby is alive and trying to point out the positives of a scheduled c-section (as if scheduling the c-section two days before Halloween, one of my favorite holidays is a benefit for me? Oh yes yippie skippy lets be in the miserable depressing hospital for *that*... as if modified bedrest isn't limiting enough on a holiday that generally requires being on your feet lots! The benefits of *scheduling* a birth ahead of time should be some say in when it is scheduled, yes?) and why Lisa you NEED this so you baby lives, so what's the problem?! Of course I'm grateful that this procedure is available so my child can live! I'd walk through fire for her to live, especially after loosing Fiona, but I can't be sad and upset and disappointed and scared and wanting to be treated as an equal partner in my own birthing experience with my doctors??


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## JTA Mom (Feb 25, 2007)

I'm nak-ing so will be short.

Go to http://ican-online.org/

you need to be 'approved' but I never got the approval email but I did get access to the forums anyways. Also, search yahoo grps for your local ican chapter.

both can help u with this. Also feel free to join the c/s support thread here--we can answer lots of ur questions, give u btdt advice and most importantly, we can be ur venting support place.









Ami


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## LisaSedai (Feb 27, 2009)

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you are able to convince that dr to listen to your concerns. Definately check out ICAN - you need some support from people who have been in your shoes.


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## [email protected] (Sep 7, 2010)

Man, your frustrations are completely valid. I feel angry for you, especially about the grammar correction part, that's uncalled for. I'm sorry that you are being treated this way, and hope that everything goes well. It sounds like this doc is so overbooked that he is unable (or incapable?) of providing personalized care. I hate insurance companies & managed care. Wish you had the choice to find another doc. Unfortunately, you will have to be your own advocate (as you know). There is no way I would agree to a cs at 36 weeks without a thorough explanation from the doc as to why. Do you also have a regular OB? Could you schedule an appt w/ one of your docs to get your questions answered? They are supposed to go over your birth plan, including your wishes.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

Aw, honey, that's awful. Those doctors need a good dose of their own size in the universe.

If they're scheduling you at 36 weeks instead of 37, couldn't you push for the induction to happen after Halloween? It's only three more days... I know that's not really the point, but it might make you feel *slightly* more cheerful.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.


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## CorasMama (May 10, 2002)

I have so been where you are. My baby HAD to be born via c/s, and I accepted that, but it also took me a couple months of therapy (and an ativan) to get me up on that table and bent over accepting the epidural. So I feel your pain, I do. And its necessity doesn't somehow magically make it something to be happy about. The whole, "be happy you have the docs and technology available to you that women didn't have decades ago" attitude will come in months or years afterward, when you can look back on it with the advantage of the fog of postpartum memory loss to block some of it out.

I will give you one piece of advice. Try to figure out which L&D nurse you get on best with, and REQUEST THEM. I had a freakin fantastic nurse the day of my c/s. I had already met her, because I had a special tour of the OR and recovery rooms because of how bad I was freaking out about my pending c/s. And she was my rock. She was totally understanding, and absolutely non-judgmental, despite the fact that this was just another day, another scheduled c/s, for her. And she was so incredible taking care of me afterward. And when, 2 months later, another local woman had her c/s for her baby with an omphalocele (which is what my baby has, and the reason for the c/s), I was able to ask that nurse if she could be there, and she arranged her schedule so she could be my friend's nurse, too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the nurses are way more influential on how it goes for you, so try to get a good one on your side.

(((hug)))


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## WaitingForKiddos (Nov 30, 2006)

Totally understand.


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## CherryBomb (Feb 13, 2005)

That's awful, I'm sorry


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## momtoS (Apr 12, 2006)

I have no advice but just wanted to send you a hug. Sorry you have to deal with these doctors and sorry you have to have a c/section.







HUGS to you.


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Thank you all so much for the support mamas. I'm signing up for the ican site right now. I had two nurses that were both really wonderful and one who was there when I was admitted with Fiona as well. I suppose I could call the labor and delivery ward to speak to them? I need to get a darn date set up here first that I agree with! I'm going to be clear with the doctor "I will not agree to deliver before the first week of November unless there are clear medical reasons for doing so." ... of course this is when I can get ahold of said doctor. Ugh. Still hoping a bit that once the nurse speaks to him he'll just let me change dates via that conversation, but I'm pretty doubtful of it all coming together that easily.

My roomie at the hospital had a 36 weeker who had to be born when his lung were NOT mature because the same doctor I have broke her water when he gave her an amnio (well I guess the baby was kicking at the needle like crazy?) and he had issues and could only see her every 3 hours for 30 minutes outside of the nursery... that doesn't give me a lot of positive feelings there.... and can I say amnio?! eeek!!


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

And Corasmama, you've got a little Fiona too!!


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## homemademom (Sep 25, 2009)

I'm really sorry







I'd definitely push for a later delivery date. Cancel if you have to and then they'll have to reschedule you (right??).


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

The anti-doctor sentiment on this board often peeves me a bit, but in reading your story I am very upset for you!

I'm sure you know that the APA now recommends scheduling C-sections at 39 weeks. That has changed since my daughter was born, when 38 weeks was the recommendation. But there is enough reason to encourage every bit of lung development as possible, and the APA decided that waiting the extra week is worth the risks that would make the birth a scheduled C-section.

Even if 39 weeks is the general recommendation, there are cases where going into labor naturally could be dangerous for the mother and the baby. And that's why it's a recommendation and not a requirement







But OBs these days do everything they can to hold off until /at least/ 37 weeks. That your doctor wants to schedule you at 36 weeks is just crazy in this situation.

I would hold your ground on this one, personally. Demand a REALLY good reason why you can't wait until 37 weeks at the earliest. And when you actually schedule your appointment, definitely insist on doing it as late as possible.

I'm sorry that you're going through this


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## CorasMama (May 10, 2002)

Lisa, can you ask to be put on hospital bedrest if, at 36 weeks, the amnio says the lungs are not mature? That way, you can all know that if you do go in to labor or have a placental emergency, they can do the birth immediately, thus nearly mitigating that risk.

I was also in a situation where it could have been REALLY REALLY bad for me to go into labor spontaneously. They usually like to wait as long as possible to do the c/s for omphalocele babies, let them cook until done. However, an omphalocele with most of the liver in it is the most dangerous to be born vaginally (you could rupture the omphalocele and/or tear the liver - yikes!) Also, I have a history of premature labor and REALLY REALLY fast labor, so waiting was not the best idea, especially since the hospital we HAD TO birth at was 30-60 minutes away depending on traffic. So we went in right at 37 weeks, got the amnio, and went back home for a week, because her lungs weren't mature yet. I was on a medication that stops preterm labor (though for an unrelated condition), so we felt comfortable with my being on partial bedrest at home. But if I hadn't, we would have had me on hospital bedrest.


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## wombatclay (Sep 4, 2005)

I'm so sorry... I hope you can reach the dr and have a productive discussion. It seems like sometimes specialists have the worst bedside manner! Experience counts for a lot, of course you want the best, but a dr needs to be compassionate too... I hope the nurse you get along with can attend! Perhaps ask to speak with her directly? When I was having my second VBAC a nurse friends offered to "special" me, meaning she'd come in to be my nurse even if it wasn't her shift, so it's possible that this could happen elsewhere too.

This same nurse friend is in my ICAN group...and she has a great analogy. Basically that OF COURSE she would throw herself in front of a bus to help her child, but no one would then expect her to say thank you to the bus. No one is going to show up at the hospital to drop off a "get well card" after your bus encounter and make a comment like "at least the baby is ok" and then _not_ follow it up with "it really sucks that you got hit by a bus, is there anything I can do to help?"

It should be the same with a c/s... of course you would do anything to protect your child, but a c/s is a big deal and people need to look at the big picture. It's ok to be glad the intervention exists even while hating the intervention itself.

I hope you have a happy halloween, and that you and your babe are safe and sound in November!


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## eastkygal (Feb 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wombatclay* 
This same nurse friend is in my ICAN group...and she has a great analogy. Basically that OF COURSE she would throw herself in front of a bus to help her child, but no one would then expect her to say thank you to the bus. No one is going to show up at the hospital to drop off a "get well card" after your bus encounter and make a comment like "at least the baby is ok" and then _not_ follow it up with "it really sucks that you got hit by a bus, is there anything I can do to help?"

It should be the same with a c/s... of course you would do anything to protect your child, but a c/s is a big deal and people need to look at the big picture. It's ok to be glad the intervention exists even while hating the intervention itself.









My second c-section was necessary after a first traumatic unnecessary experience. I am thankful for the procedure and that my baby was born healthy, but I'm still sad it had to be that way. Yes, we can be thankful for medical help and procedures, but it is ok to grieve being ill, or in this case having a pregnancy situation that isn't the norm. Awesome that we live in a day and age where you and your baby can be taken care of in this situation, but it doesn't change the fact that it really is not good that you have the situation to deal with in the first place.







I'm sorry... so very sorry. I don't want to give advice, because I hear you. But, I do agree with homemademom. Cancel the surgery. Tell them that you see no need for it that early, and until you can have an appointment with the doctor to discuss with him as to why this early date, you would like to reschedule for a date you are more comfortable with. I think they will give you an appointment then. You cannot be expected to subject yourself to a major surgery, and your baby without first having all of your questions answered. That is ridiculous!








I do hope you can be comfortable before your birth. ICAN can help. They have a yahoogroup too I believe still. Read too their white paper on Family Centered Cesearean. It has some good recommendations.
I love Halloween too! It is my favorite holiday. So, Happy Halloween and blessing to you.


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

Hey Lisa-
I just wanted to let you know that while I don't have any good ideas, or sage advice to offer you, you are in my thoughts.


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## aikigypsy (Jun 17, 2007)

I've just skimmed the other responses. I had complete placenta previa, with a minor bleed at 33+5 and an amniotic fluid leak a few days later, while I was in the hospital, which rushed me into a c-section.

The doctor who I was seeing there (not there for the 2AM c-section, unfortunately) fully supported waiting until 37 weeks for the c-section. He teaches at Harvard medical school. I know you can find resources to support waiting that long.

Also, I would recommend getting the steroid shot to mature your baby's lungs, if they offer it. It improves outcomes for babies born by c-section up to 39 weeks, when most don't need it, but some need just that little extra.

Good luck with it!


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Lach the 37 week c-section is because of the previa since if I go into labor on my own I could easily end up having an abruption.







From my research I'm comfortable with 37 weeks for that reason, but not 36 for no reason.

Corasmama I bet I could ask to be put on hospital bedrest if lungs aren't mature at 36 weeks, but I don't see why if everything is going fine for baby and I that we can't just wait until 37 weeks to do the amnio and section, yk?

I like the bus analogy! I'm going to use it









I'm waiting fro ICAN to approve my membership for the forums now...

I did have the two steroid shots done when I was in the hospital after the bleed at 32 weeks already...


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## lunarlady (Jan 4, 2010)

Sorry you are having to deal with this. We are all glad c/s is there for when we really need it, but I don't know why people act like it is not a big deal to have one. It is a big deal, and you have every right to be upset that you need one.

It sounds like your doc scheduled you when it was convinient for him, and not best for you. I agree that 37 weeks is much more reasonable. Hold your ground and I hope Halloween finds you still pregnant and dressed to kill.


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## JTA Mom (Feb 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StarMama* 

I'm waiting fro ICAN to approve my membership for the forums now...

I never got mine, but could log in. Try it to see, I waited days for no reason.









Ami


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

This doctor LIVES at the hospital I swear, so you'd think a different day would be no biggie.... but yes I'm going to stand my ground on this one. I mean if there is a real reason for delivering when they want then tell me, right?

Thank Ami, I'll go give it a shot!


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## [email protected] (Sep 7, 2010)

Here is info for which your doc should at least have a counter argument. I also read on the Mayo Institute site that w/ placenta previa, labor should (ideally) be induced at 37 weeks or beyond. Now granted, these are internet resources for the lay public, and your physician may have good medical reasons for doing a cs at 36 weeks, but you do deserve a good explanation from your physician:

Quote:

"Are babies born at 34 to 36 weeks gestation (late preterm) at risk for medical problems?

Late preterm infants are usually healthier than babies born earlier. More than 99 percent of these babies survive, though they are (16):

* 6 times more likely than full-term infants to die in the first week of life (2.8 per 1,000 vs. 0.5 per 1,000)
* 3 times more likely to die in the first year of life (7.9 per 1,000 vs. 2.4 per 1,000)
http://www.marchofdimes.com/professi...1157.asp#head8


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

[email protected], I presume that you mis-typed when you said "labor should be induced"?

If you have placenta previa, you do *not* want to go into labor.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

All Kaiser hospitals have an advocate on staff. Contact the business office a d ask who you need to speak with about a doctor refusing to communicate w you. If necessary, i believe they can even attend your appt w you to make sure your questions are answered.

Are you sure there's only 1 peri? Even in a relatively small hospital here, we have 2 peris plus "students" (interns?). And if nothing else, they are required to allow you to get a 2nd opinion. I'd call the advice nurse and ask how to go about getting an appt for a second opinion. You'll probably have to drive for it, but it can be used as ammunition with your local hospital.

Worse comes to worst, just call and resched the c/s. You'd just be talking to a nurse or asst, not the actual doctor and tell them that date doesnt work for you. 50/50 you get a phone call from the doctor then!

Also, have you had a special tour of the NICU, met the ped team, etc? Call and request that also, since there's a chance you'll need it.

I hope some of that helps. I've been navigating the Kaiser ststem for years. They dont tend to volunteer the info, but help is there.

And something to keep in mind is that Kaiser is not for profit. They dont want your little in the NICU because it costs them money. This doc may not be acting in the best interests of the hospital, either. They need to be informed of that.

Hope that helps.


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## karen1968 (Oct 2, 2006)

Lisa! I am in nearly the same situation - complete previa (although just the edge of the placenta) with a baby due 11/25. I haven't had any bleeds, though (knock wood!). I, too, am freaking out about having a c-section. I lost sleep with nightmares last night









I found the white papers on ICAN to be very helpful. It helps me to be proactive, so reading about Family-Centered C-section and creating a birth plan for a surgical birth really helped me. There are also a few good threads on here about writing a plan for a sectional birth. I started writing my plan this morning, and it seems to have helped my anxiety.

I really hope you are able to talk to the peri soon and get some answers. I am meeting with the surgeon on Friday, and I feel like it will help my general anxiety level to at least know for sure what is in store and what I'll have to fight for (like immediate skin-to-skin, which the CNM said she'd never heard being done after a surgical birth at this hospital!!).


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## MT Mom (Oct 12, 2010)

As someone that had a really positive elective c-section, my advice would be to see if you can speak to the nurses and find out more answers to your hospital specific questions from them. I liked my doctor (and he was very willing to talk to me, answer questions, etc.,) but honestly the nurses pretty much ran the show once I delivered and my doctor's nurse suggested speaking to them about specific requests I would have post-delivery. Once I went in and met many of them, it helped to calm my fears and I was able to communicate what my priorities were and find out how to have them met. So sorry you are dealing with a rude provider, but I'm thinking positive thoughts and I hope *maybe* this might help.


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Thank you all!

I finally got to speak to the doctor, and the reason he wants to deliver at 36 weeks is because of 1) my bleed and 2) our prior loss of Fiona at 38 weeks. So he actually has reasons, they just never were explained to me. I feel a little bit better about when the section is scheduled after learning there were reasons not just 'eh close enough' or 'best schedule for me!'.


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## karen1968 (Oct 2, 2006)

I'm glad you got some answers! Are you going ahead with the 36 week c/s, or were you able to schedule it a bit later?


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

I'm going to go ahead with the 36 week c/s.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

*StarMama*









I'm so sorry for the loss of your child. Given the doc's explanation, I would do the same thing. Please share your birth story when the time comes!


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I would do the same thing in your situation. I am sorry for your loss.


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## lunarlady (Jan 4, 2010)

Sounds like you came to a good decision. So I guess now you just need to make sure to have a super cute newborn Halloween costume to celebrate with. And just think, costume birthday parties for life. That will be fun!


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## karen1968 (Oct 2, 2006)

I'm glad you are OK with the reasons now. Acceptance can be so hard in this situation.

From talking to one of the hospital surgeons yesterday, it looks like I'll be lucky to push off the c/s to 37 weeks. Still coming around to acceptance.


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## [email protected] (Sep 7, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeepyCat* 
[email protected], I presume that you mis-typed when you said "labor should be induced"?

If you have placenta previa, you do *not* want to go into labor.

Yeah, it was dumb of me to type that. Not sure why I did.


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## Canadianne (Jul 14, 2010)

I'm glad that you were able to get more information from your Doctor. It is so much easier to come to peace with decisions when you are given all the info!


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## Kari+2 (Nov 18, 2006)

I just want to say that I know how you feel. I am 25 weeks pregnant and also have complete placenta previa. I was hoping so badly that I could finally have a vaginal birth this time. I have had 2 c-sections - one was medically necessary and one was not. I went to a lot of trouble to find an OB who would let me do a VBAC2 and that was the plan and now this.

I wish you the very best on your delivery!


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## StarMama (Jun 25, 2002)

Well at 25 weeks there is some time for it to maybe move!









Thank you for the well wishes. 2 days until baby! Amnio this morning, eek!


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## Kari+2 (Nov 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StarMama* 
Well at 25 weeks there is some time for it to maybe move!









Thank you for the well wishes. 2 days until baby! Amnio this morning, eek!

My OB says that there is only a 10-15% chance that it will move with how much of it is blocking the cervix but I haven't given up hope yet!

So exciting for you! I always find those days leading up to birth to be such an exciting time of wondering what your little one will look like and thinking about holding a newborn again. Good luck!


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## karen1968 (Oct 2, 2006)

Lisa, I hope your amnio is going well! I'll be thinking about you on Friday









isn't it crazy that there are three of us due 11/25 that require sections for previa?? I just scheduled for next Firday 11/5.


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