# How much electronics (videogames) do you allow?



## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Most all the conflicts in our home lately involve electronics: video games, ipod, portable play stations and so on. In a perfect world we would live in a community of like-minded people and I would home school and have little or none at all, but that is not the case. DS (12) is an only child. We live where we do because DH got a job here but we don't have any relatives or even friends with children here. Ds goes to a mainstream school. We allow DH electronics. He has video games, an ipod and a portable play station. We try our best limit it to Weekends only with the exception of listening to music on the iPod, but it has been a growing conflict. DS says all his other friends do it every day. And once he starts it is always very hard to get him off.

So I am just wondering how much electronics do you allow in you home?


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

We have a PS3, XBOX 360, Wii, two Nintendo DS systems, and everyone has their own computer. DS2 has an iPod but nobody else cares to have one. There is a lot of gaming going on around here....both kids play WoW, as well. Hardly anyone watches television.

I don't set limits on gaming. If something more interesting is happening, the games get put aside voluntarily. If nothing interesting is happening, then I don't see why they can't game....?


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

Similar here. We have 3 Xbox 360's w/xbox live, 2 ds's, an old gamecube and PS2. We have several TV's w/cable/DVR's. 2 computers, I-pods and 1 kid has an ipod touch (has internet access).

We are pretty much allow unlimited access, but I do reserve the right to limit esp. with my 11 yo. He needs to clear game content with me on new games. I also ask both 11yo and 14yo to get off for bed and other things. I'm am completely hands off w/18 yo.

Although they all really have enjoyed gaming, they really do seek balance in their lives. 18 yo whose life used to be so gaming-centered has really moved on. He uses his xbox live now mostly to play and talk with his cousin who has been away at college. 14 yo is moving on too. Interesting to talk to him about gaming now vs a year or 2 ago. Sometimes they need the freedom to immerse themselves in something like this to really appreciate it's limitations. YMMV.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

We are unlimited.

I suspect that *your* perfect world and *your son's* perfect worlds are very different. At this point (my youngest is 12) I'm more concerned with helping them make good choices and find balance on their own rather than telling them what to do. They only have a few short years left at home.

My kids do have lots of other things going on (this week is an outdoor day camp for teens) but they spend some time on screens most every day.

And I don't think that an iPod really counts as a game -- it's more like a stereo.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
I suspect that *your* perfect world and *your son's* perfect worlds are very different.

A very good thing to remember.









OP, I understand that we, as parents, want to impart our values onto our children. However, we must also understand that they are not replicas of ourselves. They are their own people with their own desires and needs. "Like-minded people" will differ for them, as well.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I don't regulate, either (though, my kids are younger, I'm responding thinking about my 9 yo since I consider her a pre-teen). She doesn't happen to care about the wii or her DSi at this point, but she does enjoy using the computer to look things up, play games, watch music videos/shows, etc. She also has a cell phone she texts a little bit on, and talks to a couple close friends and her cousins. She has an ipod for music, and a MP3 player that displays short videos. She doesn't use the last two devices daily, but I wouldn't limit them if she did.

Anyhow, I guess my thing is that her electronic use doesn't tend to get in the way of other activities. She doesn't have homework to worry about (then I could maybe see encouraging finishing it before using the computer - but that's a bridge we'll cross when we get to it - I'm not a fan of homework, TBH), and she happily prefers to be outside riding her bikes or playing basketball with her little brothers. I'm just playing it by ear, for now. If I felt like essentially allowing unlimited use was detrimental at some point, I'd likely step in and place some gentle limits, I think. I don't know that I would go as far as some of DS's friends who only allow video games on the weekends, but I might bug DD more to get off the computer and do something else - if I were worried.

FWIW, my 7 yo (so I know, not a pre-teen or teen) goes through periods when he plays the wii a whole lot. Like not too long ago when he got Mario Galaxy 2 and it seemed like he played it for 4 days straight (except he didn't really, b/c he had school and ate and of course slept







) but he was determined to beat the game - and he did, on the 4th day. Anyhow, my point is that since then, he's used the wii very rarely - in fact, I don't think I've seen him on it for several days now. Even at a younger age, I don't put a limit on gaming for him, and he's shown me that he can regulate it himself. He's active, super thin (almost too much so), and like his sister would pick going to the park or riding his bike over sitting on the couch, any day.

ETA: this approach is just what works for us, right now.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Linda on the move said:


> I suspect that *your* perfect world and *your son's* perfect worlds are very different.QUOTE]
> 
> Yes, absolutely! I think that is the Waldorf left in me although it has been 5 years now since we left!
> Ds is very physically active and has life outside of video games as PSP, but I do worry that all the radiation from these things could be damaging for his health.
> ...


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

We do limit the kids' screen time. We only have a Wii and some computer games like Sims. Most 0f the Wii games are Wii sports, Wii Fit and DDR. They have the Naruto stuff but not that many. My kids are 15, 12, and 9. Some of their peers have mountains of video games, others have none. It's not a problem for them socially.
They all have iPods and we just ask that they not listen to them at dinner, when we are engaged in conversation, etc.
We have tried letting them self regulate screen time and they get nothing done. I'll come home from work and the TV room is a mess, none of the chores are done and noone has been outside.
So, once chores are done and the kids have read at for LEAST 1/2 hour,(not a problem with 15yoDD) they are welcome to play Wii, Sims, watch TV.
DH and I make a point to go on family hikes, go swimming, play board games and do other activities with them so they don't always resort to technology for entertainment.
I think if you are uncomfortable with how much your kid spend in front of a screen, you have to make the effort to offer alternatives. It's just part of their culture. Not a bad thing. But like most stuff...moderation is key.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I worry when my kids seem to be spending excess time with either TV or games because it seems like a way of zoning out. I don't feel like the answer is to directly limit the screen time, but to try to trouble shoot what is going on in the rest of their lives.


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## annethcz (Apr 1, 2004)

My DH is a gamer, so my kids have grown up around video games. We have many video game consoles, in a addition to computers and hand-held games.

I DO limit screen time because I've found that it makes our family life much happier. I know that in an ideal world, people will self-regulate. However, in my experience, self-regulation doesn't happen in a way that keeps everyone happy. ALL of us (DH and I included) get crabby if we spend too many hours in front of a screen. And once we get sucked in, it's hard to pull ourselves free.

This summer, that kids and I are home. We have screen-free mornings (including handheld games). At first it was tough for the kids, but they've adapted really well and come up with some really creative ways to enjoy their mornings. My kids are getting along MUCH better and there is less bickering between them when we don't have screens on 24/7.


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## montlake (Mar 13, 2008)

As long as chores and schoolwork are done, I leave it up to the teen, how much he wants to play/whatever.


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## NaturalMamma (Nov 22, 2001)

We have an only--an almost 10 DD (and we homeschool). She has played some games online. We don't have an iPod, Wii, XBox, etc. Our cell phone has the bare minimum package of minutes. My DH works for a high tech firm so it's a bit laughable, but we simplty can't handle all that stuff in our life. DD and I are high energy, spirited females and this stuff would be like crack to us.







She is very active and always has the need to be "doing something". Mostly she plays outside a lot--climbing trees and so I encourage that, even when it is pouring raining and she's building dams out in the gutter. LOL She likes using the computer and has trouble setting limits for herself. So we do. So she's not allowed to have unlimited access to the computer. We feel there are more interesting, healthy activities that engage all the senses in 3D so we don't like our DD to be on the computer a lot. Recently we had to take her off the computer completely b/c we found out that she was communicating on msg boards (which we don't allow). It's been about a week and, after the first day, she hasn't complained about it at all. In fact, I can see her behavior has improved greatly!







I think she gets strung-out when she has too much TV or computer time. I'm the same way.









Some families can handle all that high tech activity, but ours cannot. If it's working against your family (arguing, affecting closeness, he can't stop etc.) I would recommend reducing it. But every family has to make their own decision. It has been my experience that it's much easier to keep something from coming in than to get rid of it, so we don't even let it in. And keeping high tech stuff out of our home has made all the difference in the closeness of our family and our lifestyle.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

I don't get the "no iPod" thing. It's primarily a way to listen to music. We got our kids iPods at the point when we wanted to get them little stereos for their rooms. After shopping around, we decided that iPods and iHomes made more sense than stereos.

And even though we don't limit screen time, my kids aren't on screens 24/7. Far from it.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
I don't get the "no iPod" thing. It's primarily a way to listen to music. We got our kids iPods at the point when we wanted to get them little stereos for their rooms. After shopping around, we decided that iPods and iHomes made more sense than stereos.

And even though we don't limit screen time, my kids aren't on screens 24/7. Far from it.

DS will also watch video clips on it. He is the type once he starts reading he really loves it but if he has the ipod with him he'll start watching video clips until it is too late to read anymore. That is why I really do have to limit his use.


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## NaturalMamma (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
I don't get the "no iPod" thing.

If you're referring to my post







then I'll explain our family's perspective. Some of our perspective comes from a lot of Waldorf-y experiences we had when DD was little--attending Waldorf homeschooling conferences, reading books, DD participating in Waldorf/nature "classes", etc. One of the first books in my parenting collection was Rahima Baldwin Dancy's "You are Your Child's First Teacher." I gleaned a lot of wisdom from her as well and a low-tech life fits perfectly for our family. We view our bedrooms as a quiet sanctuary so, for us, TVs, computers, stereos and other electronics/tech stuff aren't compatible in there. (I have used a portable CD player with bedtime music for when I would parent DD to sleep. Many times I would sing, though.)

We have a CD player in our family room that we all use, (as well as a DVD player, stero, etc) but use it at certain times. We don't like the TV/CD player on as background sound. We don't have an iPod in our family b/c we have no need for it. DD isn't interested in one either. She is our only child so that plays into our family dynamics as well. We're connected to each other a lot.

But this is just the way our family does life. For someone else, their situation might look totally different, but this works really well for us.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

My current (summer) rule is:

You have to earn your electronics by reading first. I know, I know, it's not perfect, but it eliminated a lot of conflicts, especially with my 8 yo. He reads for an hour, then he can play for an hour. (Or if he reads for a 1/2 hour, then he can play for a 1/2 hour.)

During the school year, all homework gets done first.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

We have a family TV, Wii and computer, the kids have their own nintendo DSs and 10 YO DS has an MP3 player. I don't have firm limits but I do have general guidelines, especially during the school year. The Nintendos are primarily for use in the car (long commute to school) and while waiting for sibling at activities. Schoolwork must be completed before any screen time. Everything gets turned off at meals and bedtime. Electronics can't interfere with getting to wherever we need to be. If the TV is starting to drive me nuts, its time to go do something else (OK, totally artitrary and "parent centered", but there are some shows I just hate the sound track to and I can only stand so much). No "solitary" electronics when there are friends over (so no TV during playdates, but the Wii is OK, for example.)

Beyond that, I don't limit the actual time they spend playing things. But by the time you add school, homework, activities and playtime with friends, we are down to a reasonable amount of electronic time anyway. During the summer I'm a bit more relaxed but they spend all day at daycamp, so there still isn't a large amount of time left.


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

We haven't really established very good limits and we struggle with that. We do no computer turns on Sunday just for the quietness of our home. That limit we have really liked because it is simple.

Our issues are usually related to turns on our family computer, with four children wanting turns. (We have a second computer but it is dh's work computer and is shared more occasionally.) We've tried a couple of ways to organize turns but none has been that great. Also, we use our computer as our "stereo" and it's in a perfect location for listening to music. That, however conflicts with computer games. We generally keep turns for the younger three within a couple hours' length, usually only once a day after other activities and basic clean-up. It's hard to fit it together, though. Often there is only time for one or two to get a turn per day so who goes first, who's next, who missed out today...

Our oldest gets a lot of computer time, but I get frustrated because she is not doing much else these days as far as interacting. We had to put a late night shut off for 11:00 PM on her user account when it became excessive.

One person will play, others sometimes watch. So there is a crowd at the computer quite often, sometimes with the person using it protesting to be left alone. My ds has asperger's, he will invade space, interrupt, and not leave someone be when asked while they are playing on computer. He'll sneak around behind and slip into the room repeatedly. He's the one who is actually the most conscientious about doing chores etc. before requesting computer time.

I am interested in what would happen without limits over time, but the turn-taking seems to set the most limitations anyway and that would still be the big question. Schedule? Or just keep winging it each day keeping it balanced among them and ourselves, but needing to be the source of permission at all times? IDK... All of that said it is not too much of a conflict these days for us.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMamma* 
Some of our perspective comes from a lot of Waldorf-y experiences we had when DD was little-...... *We* view our bedrooms as a quiet sanctuary so, for *us*, TVs, computers, stereos and other electronics/tech stuff aren't compatible in there.

We were also very waldorfy when the kids were little so I know all that stuff, but as my kids have gotten older, they make their own choice.

Right now, your DD is still young. When you use personal plural pronouns like *we* and *us*, you are talking about living choices that were made before she had her own opinion. Over the next few years, she'll grow and change and her idea of the perfect home life will most likely change in some ways. She'll most likely become more independent in her thinking as well as her ability to care for herself.

That is really the point where all this stuff becomes an issue -- when there is a conflict between what you as the parent really think is ideal and what your adolescent wants. What works when your child is 9 is most likely not going to work when they are 12 or 13, because that "we" goes away.


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## NaturalMamma (Nov 22, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
We were also very waldorfy when the kids were little so I know all that stuff, but as my kids have gotten older, they make their own choice.

I guess most of that Waldorf-y lifestyle stuck in our home and has become a part of who DD is as an individual.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NaturalMamma* 
I guess most of that Waldorf-y lifestyle stuck in our home and has become a part of who DD is as an individual.

She's nine. She isn't done yet!


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I totally don't get putting limits on the amount of time one can listen to music. Music is a beautiful thing and loving it doesn't mean one is " disconnected" with others they live with. I can't imagine being told I can't listen to music.

We all have our own computers, we all game, we have xbox 360, wii, ps3, ps2, game cube, N64 ect. We only have 1 tv and it's never on for background noise as I find that annoying. Having said that, sure we have had times were we each got really into a game, and then get sick of playing and do something else like read. Both dd and I are big readers, we also go to the opera together and love our iPods.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

N64?! Wow, blast from the past!

We love our Ipods too. I just recently upgraded to a classic for more space. We all have them, even 7yo dd, although she doesn't use hers too much.


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## Happiestever (May 13, 2007)

Well I don't have teens yet, but right now my husband and I have agreed that we will not buy video game consoles, only music players. We will instead focus on outdoor sports. It is so easy here though to head to the beach, or play a soccer game or even tennis or basketball, so I take that into consideration that sports are something readily available to all here in San Diego. My philosophy so far is to spend money on sports equipment. We will see how long that lasts as my kids get older.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Happiestever* 
Well I don't have teens yet, but right now my husband and I have agreed that we will not buy video game consoles, only music players.

We said that!

One year for Christmas, the only thing my kids asked for was a Wii. That's it. Neither of them wanted anything else.

We got them a Wii.

I truly believe that for nearly all families, at some point you have to decide if you are a "my house my rules" kind of parent or a "I trust you enough to let you be different from me" kind of parent. We choose the later.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

yeah, I didn't think we'd ever own a gaming system - and we didn't until a year and a half ago when we got a wii for our whole family to enjoy.


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

We have never bought one. I don't want one around. Now if it didn't cost me anything then it's fine I am sure it would be no more of a constant turn-negotiating sort of conflict area than computer games are now, in fact it would give more options. But also it's a money decision. To buy a console then you want games, then newer games, etc. and it seems like a bit of a money trap to me. We have struggled over whether to even keep internet on for financial reasons, we aren't fixing or replacing our dishwasher, etc. A lot of things are pretty bare bones for us right now. I'll buy musical instruments before I'll buy a game console. Then again I have never had more than the occasional mention of wanting one. And we have a daughter waiting for a digital piano that she greatly desires. So there is a hierarchy of needs and then a hierarchy of wants, and so long as nobody is acting like it is extremely important that occasional mention of how fun it would be won't inspire us to purchase.

Arduinna I agree the mp3 has replaced cds for our dd so that is her music access and I am mostly glad for it, though I do often ask her to not listen at time when I am actually wanting to converse because she can't hear as well. She doesn't want speakers.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littlest birds* 
Now if it didn't cost me anything then it's fine

ours was a Christmas present to the kids. We were going to spend money on them any way, we just chose to spend it on what they wanted for themselves rather than what we thought they *should* want.

The Wii is very social. Their favorite games are played together and we sometimes play as a whole family for our board game night.

We don't buy new games very often.


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

I think I would then too but it just hasn't happened. I personally don't want one anyway. But if they did we'd weigh it out. Nobody thinks it's important, my oldest maybe but she has just gotten her third MP3 player (a replacement) and that was top priority for her. She's the only one that has talked about it and she has other priorities.

I will keep in mind some of what I have heard about your enjoyment of yours and if it does come up I'll be less likely to be grumpy about the idea. I love learning about making room for greater influence by my children on household/family decisions and more and more they are able and interested in participating. It's been a really enjoyable process so far. Thanks.

A big Christmas wish would be a perfectly good reason to make something like that a more important priority.


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## lolar2 (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A* 
My current (summer) rule is:

You have to earn your electronics by reading first. I know, I know, it's not perfect, but it eliminated a lot of conflicts, especially with my 8 yo. He reads for an hour, then he can play for an hour. (Or if he reads for a 1/2 hour, then he can play for a 1/2 hour.)

During the school year, all homework gets done first.

A friend of mine had a similar rule for her son (who is now 18 and in college, so I don't know the current situation). He could earn it with homework during the school year. During vacations, he had to spend an hour reading, an hour outdoors (smog permitting) and an hour doing household chores, and then he could do whatever he wanted the rest of the day, including electronics.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Linda on the move* 
ours was a Christmas present to the kids. We were going to spend money on them any way, we just chose to spend it on what they wanted for themselves rather than what we thought they *should* want.

The Wii is very social. Their favorite games are played together and we sometimes play as a whole family for our board game night.

We don't buy new games very often.

This is exactly how we brought the Wii into our house and how it's usually used. DH and I bought DDR , some baseball games and Wii Fit and other things that are group and physiically oriented.
The kids buy their own games. They are very discriminating and research the games before making a purchase. We do draw the line at viloence. No Halo, Grand Theft Auto, etc.


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## amnesiac (Dec 28, 2001)

We don't really limit screen time of any sort. But we do expect them to spend time outdoors daily (weather permitting), we do expect daily chores to be done & we do expect them to participate in family time (which may be meal times or family movie night or weekend outings). Other than that, we don't really limit or give preference to their activities.


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## Linda on the move (Jun 15, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
The kids buy their own games. They are very discriminating and research the games before making a purchase.

Games get well researched at our house too! The Christmas we gave them the Wii, my DH asked the people he worked with which games their kids played the most, and based on that we got them Mario Cart (and 2 steering wheels!) as part of the gift. Wii Sports is our family favorite.

One other nice thing about Wii is that you can easily take a game with you to a friends house, or have your friend bring a game when the sleep over. It's not like a computer game that you load on your machine that's it for the license.


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

We have limits on screen time and electronic use.

The older kids each had a gameboy at some point, which was limited to 1 hour a day OR unlimited use in the car. We don't have a tv, so that leaves out a lot of video game things.

They each have an MP3 player, both use it minimally but I haven't limited anything there, it's just been their preference.

Computer time is after chores and other responsibilities, my oldest tends to use it the most. We frequently discuss healthy limits for all of us. The kids share a computer in the living room, and only the oldest has automatic internet access. He played Runescape for a while but seems to have lost interest.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

For me the video/computer games and TV are like wine. I don't enjoy it until my responsibilities are fulfilled.
I stop at 2 glasses. Occasionally I'll indulge in more.
If I drink a bottle a night, I'll end up fat and needing to abstain all together.


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## raksmama (Feb 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chiromamma* 
For me the video/computer games and TV are like wine. I don't enjoy it until my responsibilities are fulfilled.
I stop at 2 glasses. Occasionally I'll indulge in more.
If I drink a bottle a night, I'll end up fat and needing to abstain all together.

That was well put!


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## littlest birds (Jul 18, 2004)

That said, you are speaking for yourself rather than your children.

As parents having learned something about moderation, how much are we controlling our children's experience. How much immoderate use might they explore along the way? How much do they participate in the decision?


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *littlest birds* 
That said, you are speaking for yourself rather than your children.

As parents having learned something about moderation, how much are we controlling our children's experience. How much immoderate use might they explore along the way? How much do they participate in the decision?

As I see it, it's my job as a parent to guide my kids by sometimes setting limits, sometimes setting rules and sometimes letting them make decisions without my guidance.

I use the alcohol as an analogy with my kids to illustrate the necessity of moderation.

My family's approach to gaming is not an indictment of other's. Nor do I see another approach to gaming as an indictment of ours.
It is our approach based on what we know about the nervous system and emerging concepts in neuroscience

Two excellent books that helped shape our perspective are _Evolutions End_ by Joeph Chilton Pierce and _Boys Adrift_. I can't remember that author.


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## Alexander (Nov 22, 2001)

This question depends so much on your child, their maturity, type and their ability to manage themselves socially.

In January, I banned ALL child sourced computer games and ALL youtube due to the adverse effects it was having on my Asperger Spectrum Condition children.

As everyone here probably recognises, young children go through a phase of imitation (that is how humans learn), and this helps them to normalize the behavior.

For Aspie children, this is sometimes drawn out to last a few years longer than normal. For repeating what people say, this is known as "echolalia". This can also be seen in repeating actions (echopraxia). If small children see people being mean on TV, this is copied, and older aspies often are not equipped to manage/ distinguish/ filter socially unacceptable behavior.

Already we have no TV set, and a tough policy on games. Anything that wants to be watched is downloaded and put through the family PC, where we watch as a family. When games are allowed, they must be problem solving types, or creative thinking.

Absolutely NO violence.

Obviously this is not something that I would council for everyone, but for those with young children and kids with Asperger or Autistic Spectrum Conditions, look out for susceptibility to echolalia and echopraxia.

Our ban has had a dramatic and obviously beneficial effect.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I don't really like the idea of requiring reading before playing. Mainly because I don't want reading to be viewed as the thing they have to put up with to do the thing they want. I don't want a negative association with reading. It's like a punishment. Or forcing kids to eat their vegetables.


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## cateerob (May 23, 2005)

i dont limit screen time at all mine are 16 and 13 now my 16 year old ds will spend 3/4 das on his xbox playing new game then wont touch it for a month he is not much of a tv guy and watches maybe 2 shows a week my 13 yer old dd is not a gamer but likes to talk to her friends on msn and watch music chanels on tv. as long as homework and chores are done i dont really see the problem at all. Sometimes i spend the whole day on the laptop or watching a dvd box but also still work and study other days


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

We have never needed to put limits on screen time. My kids are involved in very time consuming activities they are passionate about. During the school year, they average 3 or 4 hours a week at home and thats everything combined (TV/Wii/computer.) They do add some additional time in the car during our commutes to activities with DD 13 and her ipod touch and DS 9 with his Dsi. I really don't stress about that though as it's not conflicting with anything else and often they still choose to chat.

They have a little more time in the summer and they will have days here and there they will want to veg in front of a screen for hours but it's not the norm and so not something we ever worry about.


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## whatsnextmom (Apr 2, 2010)

Quote:

I truly believe that for nearly all families, at some point you have to decide if you are a "my house my rules" kind of parent or a "I trust you enough to let you be different from me" kind of parent. We choose the later.
Yes, I agree. We weren't totally opposed to game systems (I mean, DH and I are the Atari generation) but we knew that we didn't want them in the house while the kids are little. This is a pretty common mentality when your kids are 4 or 5 and they only know what you expose them too. Then they get older and they learn about the options. For boys in particular, it's tough for them without some sort of system because it's a real social ice breaker.

You start to rethink your origional ideals to fit the changes in circumstances which really is quite appropriate.


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## StarChild (Aug 2, 2004)

We have a tv, but it only plays dvds and a Wii. The Wii time is limited to weekend mornings and movies are also for the weekends. The movie thing is a little freer in the summer, but honestly because it's not usually on during the week, we don't usually think of it.
DD is 13. She does have an ipod nano (with a screen) and my sister (without my permission) bought her a nintendo ds. I have to limit the time she can spend with them for the most part, otherwise she would spend way too much time doing that. She didn't have access to them until this past year.
There are so many better ways that she could spend her time. There have been countless studies on why kids should not sit in front of a screen. Doesn't matter if it's watching tv, movie, playing a video game, etc. They are all screens.
I understand the need to chill out once in a while, but not unlimited in our house. It's just what we have chosen. Crafts, walks, sports, talking, reading, playing with friends, bike riding, hiking, art or just relaxing are just a few of the options.

Nothing infuriates me like seeing a child at a play or show with a video game in their hands, completely oblivious to the performance in front of them and the parents say nothing! arrggh.


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## Maiasaura (Aug 12, 2002)

Chiming in, here.
Our situation: single parent of one 9-1/2yo ds. We don't have cable or any screens except my computer and his Nintendo DS. He has a GameBoy which was the DS predecessor, and he keeps it for a backup "just in case" (something happens to the DS). We have two TVs, one in the living room which is connected to a VCR (and a digital box, but we don't get any channels







), and one in his room which has a VCR and a DVD player.

He gets pretty much unlimited screen time. OK, yes, single parent using screens as babysitter







but sometimes I gotta do what I gotta do. I can't be, nor do I want to be, playmate most of the time.

Since he gets unlimited screen time, I use it as heavy leverage. It's my bargaining chip. His currency. He has to do chores and be willing/ready to listen to me and fulfill his responsibilities without "wait a minute", or he loses the privilege. Instantly. And he knows it.

Oh, I have a computer, but he's not allowed on the 'net unless he has to, for school, or he wants to look something up. He has a laptop but it's not internet capable unless I buy some special chip or other. He sometimes plays games on it, but more often forgets he has it.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
I don't really like the idea of requiring reading before playing. Mainly because I don't want reading to be viewed as the thing they have to put up with to do the thing they want. I don't want a negative association with reading. It's like a punishment. Or forcing kids to eat their vegetables.











But I do force vegetables. I'm not in any way a GD parent, and I told him long ago that my job is to 1) keep him safe and 2) keep him healthy. That includes vegetables. That's just me








Luckily, ds is a willing "food-tryer". He has to try everything. He doesn't have to like everything. I don't make him eat what he doesn't like, but he's a drama king, too, and because of that I will often make him eat whatever (because I know when it's drama, and not genuine dislike).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StarChild* 
Nothing infuriates me like seeing a child at a play or show with a video game in their hands, completely oblivious to the performance in front of them and the parents say nothing! arrggh.









Right?


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
I don't really like the idea of requiring reading before playing. Mainly because I don't want reading to be viewed as the thing they have to put up with to do the thing they want. I don't want a negative association with reading. It's like a punishment. Or forcing kids to eat their vegetables.

I understand. It's something I struggled with, too, before I implemented it. All kids are different and we all have to figure out what works for the ones we have.

But, let me tell ya, it has actually gotten ds to read a lot more this summer!!! Through kind of "forced" reading, he has discovered _how much he loves reading._ He'll read for two hours a day now, but not play electronics that long.


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