# mourning my baby



## writteninkursive (Feb 22, 2009)

Every year in December, I start to feel really sad. This time in 2004, I got pregnant with my first baby. I was due on August 23, 2005. My 3-month-old son was born on August 23, 2009.
At 7 weeks pregnant, I had a miscarriage that lasted 6 days. I started bleeding and was at the hospital for 6 days until the baby finally died.
For some reason, I don't think I ever quite mourned this loss or got over it. Because I read other mom's stories of loss and I sob. I feel it for them. It's been over 4 years now, and I have three healthy children. But somehow, I don't know how to get past the miscarriage. The loss of my first child. I still have the journal I kept from the time I found out I was pregnant until well after the baby had died. Reading it today, it is so painful.


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## KatWrangler (Mar 21, 2005)

I am so sorry you are hurting.


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## Carolyn R (Mar 31, 2008)

So sorry you are having a sad time. Hoping the holidays won't be too painful. You may want to post this in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss forum...there's lots of moms who've been through something similar. Wishing you peace and healing.


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## Peacemamalove (Jun 7, 2006)

s So sorry for your loss, I agree about posting in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss forum There are lots of us there offering many







s and support!


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)




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## emma1325 (May 23, 2005)

Have you thought about making an ornament for the baby and hanging it on your tree? It may give you some peace and comfort in knowing your baby is still with your family...and can remind your children of their baby bro or sis that passed.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

You are welcome to post here but definitely consider posting in the Pregnancy and Infant Loss forum where there are other Mamas who can offer support as well. Hugs to you.

Shay


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss







I know how incredibly hard it is to try to heal from losing a child.

I second (third, fourth?) coming over to the loss forum. It's full of wonderful women who can relate and there is just so much love, support, and hope there.

Peace and healing to you~








for your little one.


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## writteninkursive (Feb 22, 2009)

The Pregnancy and Infant Loss forum is private? At least that's what it's telling me.

My children don't know of the miscarriage, since it was my first baby that ended in miscarriage. My oldest daughter was conceived 3 months afterward. It was also a miscarriage that I had with my ex-husband, and so I feel strange discussing it with DF. It's weird. I've talked to him about it, but it clearly doesn't affect him the way it does me. He didn't live through it. I'm sure he would be supportive of me making an ornament (or a memorial, which I've always wanted to do), but I feel weird doing that now, 4 years later. It's a strange dynamic.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I've had 4 losses. I'm pregnant right now and i have one DD. 2 of my losses were before her and 2 after. With so many i admit i no longer think of due dates or loss dates. They pepper th year. But i do think of my 6 kids at Christmas, and how i only have one on earth with me, and (PLEASE!) another on the way. I am planning a small rose garden when we finally buy a house and settle (hopefully early next year!) for those who couldn't stay, even though it will have been 8 years by then since my first loss. Grief doesn't have an expiry date mama, you should do whatever feels right to honour how you're feeling.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

I'm sorry mama


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## jolenegreen (Nov 21, 2007)

Ah...I feel so much for u! I had a miscarrage at 15 weeks...and I think about my baby that couldnt stay EVERY SINGLE DAY! I have 4 beautiful boys now and I am sooo very grateful and blessed with them...but it hurts so much to think everyday I lost a baby








I think making an ornament is a great idea and I may even do that. My 6 yr old and my 4 yr old are very aware that we lost a baby..but I had the other 2 after I lost him/her. I hope things get better although I know it prolly wont as it has not gotten any better for me...but I hope u find a way of peace. Im very sorry for your loss!


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## ecstaticmama24 (Sep 20, 2006)

Grief is kinda funny like that... if you don't go through it, it will catch up with you one day. Even though it has been 4 years, you may still be at the beginning stages of grief. It's worth it to allow yourself to grieve.

The Pregnancy and Birth Loss forum shouldn't be private, or at least I didn't think it was, I didn't get a "private" message. I have found the ladies there to be so supportive, and it helps to find someone who can share your experience and pain.

I'm so sorry you're so hurting right now, I think the holidays are a painfull time of the year for baby loss mamas.


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)




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## WorldsBestMom (Dec 3, 2009)

I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is one of the most tragic events in anyone's life. I know that the hardest part of losing a loved one is moving on. One of the best ways to deal with depression is to schedule a time to allow yourself to grieve. Do not hold anything back and literally exhaust yourself with emotions. You will be shocked at how little you will want to grieve afterwards.


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## SimplyRochelle (Feb 21, 2007)

I would have been so much more lost without the loss forum here at MDC. I still cry frequently about the litte one I'll never get the chance to parent. So sorry that the grief has been so strong lately.


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