# You Know You're the Parent of a Toddler When...



## NewCrunchyDaddy

*...you have to pick the breakfast cereal out of the bottom of the shower before you get in.*







:









This actually happened to me this morning.









I don't know how many other toddler parents have these kinds of issues with their toddlers, and so I thought it would be fun to compare stories.

So... finish the sentence *"You Know You're the Parent of a Toddler When..."*

*(RECAPS: Posts #489, #506)*


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## cdahlgrd

All the lower shelves of your bookshelves are removed and your coffee table is in the garage!!


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## Tilia

...all the breakable Christmas tree ornaments are towards the top of the tree, leaving the bottom mostly bare!


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2005* 
...all the breakable Christmas tree ornaments are towards the top of the tree, leaving the bottom mostly bare!

Amen to that one. We put the tree up this last Sunday. It was up less than 25 minutes before it suddenly came _CRASHING_ down, the top third hitting the coffee table and breaking the glass ornament my mother made for DS as a Christmas present the year he was born.







_*sigh*_


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## Treasuremapper

== you keep your Christmas tree in a playpen;

-- there are no lamps anywhere in your home;

-- you wake up happy every morning seeing those sweet little faces.


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## jrayn

I love these!!!

... you have to search through bags and boxes in your dcs room for spoons or forks b/c they all mysteriously disapeared!


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## KMK_Mama

You keep smelling a mysterious urine smell in your DC's room, but can't find the source.

I have eventually found it in a Halloween bucket, cups, bowls, travel jewelry containers. Good thing she got over this when she potty trained!







:


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## odenata

...you go to put clothes in the hamper and find it full of Christmas ornaments.

...you find a can of tuna shoved in your shoe.

...you have to search your whole house for pots and kitchen utensils.


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## Delta

You don't even bother putting up a Christmas tree!


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## guestmama9911

...Kenny Loggins "Return to Pooh Corner" has replaced Barry White as mood music.

...it takes less than ten minutes for a day-long housecleaning to become completely unravelled.

...all your cabinets have locks, it takes you 15 seconds to unlock your toilet, and side-by-side doors are held closed with rubber bands.

...you hear yourself saying "how did you find that/get that open/take that off/get up there/even know how to get to that" on a regular basis.

...the pets have unexplained bald spots.


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

..._That's Not My Puppy..._ becomes deeply philosophical after its 350th reading.


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## Kelly1216

When asked what your favorite song is, all you can think of is Wheels on the Bus or Itsy Bitsy Spider!

You have forgotten what it's like to go to the bathroom by yourself.

Having another person's snot all over you doesn't even phase you anymore!

For breakfast, you had a Nana, and dinner is going to be s'ghetti, which you will cut up everyone's into little tiny pieces, until your dh tells you to stop b/c he's a big boy and can eat it whole!


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## JustJamie

These are great, and so true.


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## Cujobunny

....you find dinky cars in your purse, pocket, knapsack, shoes......


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## Ambrose

.... every time you sit on the toilet you repeatedly say "Yes hunny mommy is going yucky--- do you want to try on your potty? ..... please? pretty please? I'll give you some popcorn if you try..."

... you manage to read an entire children's book with your eyes shut. And turn the pages appropriately.

... you read Mr. Brown Can Moo Can You? and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom with SUCH enthusuasim your parter is laughing so hard he almost pisses himself and your daughter is screeching at the top of her lungs in amusment.


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## Ambrose

You read your toddler a story while *successfully* reading a thread on MDC







:


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## Sierra

...you are rummaging around in a cabinet for the pot or pan you are in need of, and you come across a day (or two) old half eaten pear your kido has stored in a pot, inside the cabinet...like a treasure.

...you have Thanksgiving dinner at a friends house, and even though you could have sworn that your child did not get up from the table with food in hand, your friend (whose house is usually spotless) finds green beans stored in the knooks and crannies of the kitchen for at least a week (and her kids are too old to have done it).

...you start worrying when you hear mysterious, hysterical laughter coming from the other room (especially when you think there might be pets in there).

...you have to put a coffee table in front of the front door, lest your child-- who now can reach and unlock the deadbolt-- open it and run out (or let the dog out) the minute you have your back turned or need to go to use the toilet.

...your computer screen is covered in fingerprints.

...sweeping one room takes twenty or thirty minutes because you are getting so much "help."

...you have coathooks by your front door, about three feet off the ground.

...you didn't know you had a yardstick, but one day, you find one laying around in the living room (apparently, it was leaning against the wall in the front hall closet and you just never noticed).

...you feel like every day is oppossite day ("I wonder how come my mom can't *make* me do that thing she wants me to do. I better try to do the oppossite of what she asks me to do and see what she does...I wonder if that works with everything. I better try this out in all types of situations... Her reaction to this experiment is interesting. I better try it out more and see if it is always the same...Hey, this is fun!")

...you are *royalty*...even your toileting habits do not happen without great fanfare! After you finish using the toilet, your child hears you get up and runs in the bathroom and starts waving "bye bye" to all that is getting flushed down. (No, I did not teach him to do that).

...you have to wash some dishes twice, if your child gets to the dishwasher to empty it before you do. Dishes, dishes everywhere...especially on the floor.

...you find apple cores, magnets, forks, and pacifiers, among other treasures in the microwave (I say this with a slight tone of shame...we were microwave-free until we had kids eleven months apart and we started eating frozen stuff a bit more often). You keep your microwave unplugged except when you have to use it, for fear something metal might otherwise get zapped.

...the sweet sound of pitter-patter feet brings a smile to your face each morning you are up before the kids, or after naps.

...you have decided fingerprints on the windows really should be a trendy look one of these days.

...your child knows how to crack and egg (and really, really, really wants to do it every time you get eggs out) but also squeezes it rather than releasing it once it is cracked, so you have become accostumed to scooping dozens of tiny shell pieces out of eggs before cooking them. You also sometimes just let some of the shells stay in there, and have learned to eat with more caution.

...you bring an egg slicer (meant for hardboiled egg) to a restaurant with you because trying to slice soft foods in the slicer will keep your kido busy for at least ten minutes...which means ten minutes more when you can actually eat.

Oh, I could go on and on...


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## *jeanine*

You find yourself saying crazy things like "Cats are not for eating"


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## KayasMama04

When you say things like
"the cat goes not want to be laid on, nor sat on, nor dragged by the tail...etc."
"that is mommys please stop poking me there and no its not yucky"

When you can catch vomit in one hand and continue to eat

check the toliet to make sure there isnt something extra in it that shouldnt be flushed


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## AugustineM

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
..._That's Not My Puppy..._ becomes deeply philosophical after its 350th reading.











...your child comes walking in the kitchen saying, "Here mama! Here mama!" And he hands you a piece of poop.








:


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
...you start worrying when you hear mysterious, hysterical laughter coming from the other room (especially when you think there might be pets in there).

or ... worse yet ... you start worrying when you realize you haven't heard from your DC in what seems like a very. _very_. loooooong. time. and then realize ... they're not in the room with you

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
...your computer screen is covered in fingerprints.

...you have decided fingerprints on the windows really should be a trendy look one of these days.

You mean people _actually_ have windows and computer screens _without_ fingerprints?









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
...you didn't know you had a yardstick, but one day, you find one laying around in the living room (apparently, it was leaning against the wall in the front hall closet and you just never noticed).









:


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## earthmama369

You find yourself telling your child to take the fork out of her nose, the phone out of her potty (thankfully empty), and the food out of her baby brother's face.

You find yourself in a state of continual amazement at how much your child can do, say, and understand.

Goldfish crackers are EVERYWHERE.


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## mimiharshe

...when you walk in on your ds picking your cell phone up out of the toilet.







:

...when you turn around and see all the contents of your wallet/purse spread around the living room floor.

...when you hear every single bin being dumped out in their room and then are told, "but mom, it's for monkeys!"









...when you realize nothing of yours is sacred anymore (or as important







)

...when you make sacrifices you never thought you could to make sure your kids/family comes first!







:


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## crazyeight

...food cans become step stools and the tink of them being organized means dc is standing on them to get his snacks
....everything of yours must be attached at all times.....car keys, cell phone, remotes are always right beside me!
......baby sister must be covered with a blanket cause mommy does it
....cars are bedtime buddys (and subsequently fall OUT of bed in the middle of the night giving me a heart attack!!)


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## cheeseRjedi

...when you have to make sure there is nothing valuable in the diaper pail before doing the laundry.

...when you realize there really is no point in trying to clean up until after your child is in bed.

...when you haven't taken a shower by yourself in a week.


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## rosie_plus_one

... when you keep the toilet paper on the counter instead of on the paper roll on purpose, not because you are too lazy.

... when you keep your remote controls in ziplock bags so when they are put in the toilet, you don't have to buy a new one.

... when you are searching through your pantry and every drawer in the kitchen to find a pacifier at 3:30 in the morning.

It just started for me; I'm not sure if I am ready for another year or two of this!!!


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rosie_plus_one* 
... when you keep the toilet paper on the counter instead of on the paper roll on purpose, not because you are too lazy.









: That's the way it is in out house (*ETA:* I was going to change this, to "our" house, but I think it's funnier the original way







) ... and he _still_ gets a hold of it!







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rosie_plus_one* 
It just started for me; I'm not sure if I am ready for another year or two of this!!!

Just started for us too, DS is 1yo+a month and some and he's the terror of the household, running everywhere, pulling drawers out in tiers so he can try to climb up to counters, nightstands (pictures here), everything. I don't know if I can keep up!







:

Just thought of another...

...when DS uses the dog as a step-stool to climb into his drawers. Pictures here.


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## SerafinasMommy

When you have to peel the stickers off of your clothes, body, and hair before showering.


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## tinkinpink84

you open your fridge to find your childs marker collection in there.

you just bought 20 sippy cups and cant find a single one. ( i seriously dont know where they go besides one that got lost at the hospital yesterday lmao)

youve dug silverware out of your toilet bowl. (ive done this at my sisters before i had kids , her daughter was 18 mths old)

you noticed apopsicle stick in your computer camera card slot.

there are foam alphabet letters stuck all over your bathtub that you have to dig out if u want a relaxing bath by yourself minus the letters.

its funny how they just do crazy things lol and the thigns you find in the oddest places. i have found markers and toys in my fridge my son will stick them in there for aplace to put it while he grabs an apple lol


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## tinkinpink84

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cheeseRjedi* 









...when you have to make sure there is nothing valuable in the diaper pail before doing the laundry.

...when you realize there really is no point in trying to clean up until after your child is in bed.

...when you haven't taken a shower by yourself in a week.









the only time i get a shower on my own is when my husbands home other wise its a bath with the kid and all his toys and foam letters and being splashed in the face but eh if it gets ya clean it works lol, he can escape his playpen and climb baby gates so its about the only way i can get a bath and him too


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## an_aurora

...when anything goes missing, the first place you look is the drawer under the oven.

...you look up from washing your face just in time to see DD dunk her toothbrush into the toilet and stick it back into her mouth, and you don't throw up.


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## tinkinpink84

man oh man i could go on and on but i got some more

when you are trying to cook dinner and do the dishes and you have to balance with one foot on the oven door to keep your child from opening it.

jumping up to find out what your childs gotten into when its completely silent (silence is never good with toddlers theyre usually up to something)

youve never used the bathroom with the door shut, your kid thinks youve left them forever and are never coming back so u have to leave it open so they know your still there.

you cant put a dresser in there room because they use the drawers as steps.

you put them to sleep in there bed but when u get them up in the morning they are asleep on the floor or halfway under there bed.

you find them playing in there room naked in the morning when you though thtey were still asleep and realized theres a toddler sized pile of poo on there floor . (this happened the day after thanksgiving, my son was squatted on the floor playing with his toys naked and had pooped on the floor lol)

he now thinks theres a baby in his belly when you tell him theres one in yours( for the preggo moms that have a toddler already) i have to reteach my son that he has a belly and not a baby in there .

you got a bruise on your head from your child throwing a toy at you .

you find a whole roll of paper towels unraveled in your kitchen.

you start using your good shirts to wipe your childs snotty nose while your out in public.

most things you hand to pay for at a store are soggy with drool because it kept your kid quiet in the store.

the cd in you car is a fisher price one talking about jumping elephants etc.

you know every theme song to all the cartoons and youve seen each one at least 10 times and could make your own movie of it yourself word for word.


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## Kelly1216

when you have to check he VCR for cds before putting in a movie.

When dh's cousin brings your dd to you at the family Thanksgiving party while holding her a foot away from him. Upon questioning, you find out that she was found standing in the toilet bowl splashing.

When you magically acquire the ability to heal any owie with a kiss, and your saliva has mysterious cleansing properties to it and can also be used as a quick hair gel.

I love this thread!!


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## emma_goldman

You learn how to take out your contacts in the dark while your toddler learns how to turn the light on and off again in the bathroom!


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## Sierra

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emma_goldman* 
You learn how to take out your contacts in the dark while your toddler learns how to turn the light on and off again in the bathroom!









I relate, although I never get a chance to take out my contacts in the bathroom anymore, at least not since dfd (11 months younger than ds) arrived. I am usually chasing one or the other around for some reason or another while silmultaneously taking out my contacts *and* brushing my teeth (and sometimes ds' teeth at the same time).

Minimal mirror use at my house=frazzled looking, but functioning mama.


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## living_organic

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cheeseRjedi* 









...when you haven't taken a shower by yourself in a week.









Really? I haven't bathed alone since dd learned to walk.


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## artgoddess

You nearly break your neck tripping over the letter "K" on the way to the bathroom in the dark.


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
You nearly break your neck tripping over the letter "K" on the way to the bathroom in the dark.

This near-death experience was brought to you today by the letters "K" and "W" and the number "5."








:


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## ^guest^

...you are wearing a diaper on your head in a desperate attempt to get them close enough for a butt-change without a struggle (yes. I did.)

...you choose to let them eat the dog biscuit they were supposed to be giving to the puppy, instead of taking it away and inciting a screaming bout of tantrums, because....well it's not going to kill them and they'll realize it doesn't taste very good eventually, right? Right?









...you can do EVERYTHING one handed, and have become quite proficient at using nothing but your hip to drive a shopping cart.


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## Amandamarie

your toddler is bringing you toys and stuffed animals to nurse









after you've taken off your clothes to take a bath and are checking the bath temperature and you turn around and see your dd with your underwear around her neck like a necklace









when you can't find any measuring spoons or cup and have to search your dd's toy bins.


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## josybear

nursing a child who is hanging over your shoulder, upside-down, at the breast, seems normal and you forget to notice.


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

About a month and a half ago, Tina Fey (of _SNL_ and _30 Rock_ and _Mean Girls_ fame) was on _The Tonight Show with Jay Leno_ and he asked her about her daughter (who is about 1yo). Ms. Fey said having a toddler in the house is like living with a drunken midget. They're stumbling around knocking things off of shelves and tables, screaming, crying, yelling when they don't get their way...









That's exactly what life with a toddler is like.







:


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## tinkinpink84

haha i have heard the drunken midget refferal.

i got some more.....

when all your cookies , foods etc come in the shape of spongebob or scooby doo or some other cartoon character. (gotta love spongebob cheeze its)

you cant eat anything by yourself, your always sharing it . ( a good way to lose weight i suppose)

everything in your house starts about 3ft off the floor if its breakable

your coffee table becomes fun to dance on.

youve fallen over a baby gate more then once and your child is laughing there butt off at you for doing it

your kid insists on bringing the potatoe masher to bed, or the most annoying toy with them to the store .

everything is a telephone

none of your crayons have tips on them anymore and your child has rainbow poop

youve answered your door with a naked kid standing at your side covered in washable marker.

youve been handed prechewed food because they wanted to share with you.


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## tinkinpink84

haha i have heard the drunken midget refferal.

i got some more.....

when all your cookies , foods etc come in the shape of spongebob or scooby doo or some other cartoon character. (gotta love spongebob cheeze its)

you cant eat anything by yourself, your always sharing it . ( a good way to lose weight i suppose)

everything in your house starts about 3ft off the floor if its breakable

your coffee table becomes fun to dance on.

youve fallen over a baby gate more then once and your child is laughing there butt off at you for doing it

your kid insists on bringing the potatoe masher to bed, or the most annoying toy with them to the store .

everything is a telephone

none of your crayons have tips on them anymore and your child has rainbow poop

youve answered your door with a naked kid standing at your side covered in washable marker.

youve been handed prechewed food because they wanted to share with you.


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## tinkinpink84

sorry for the double post my computer was acting up i think or my son was pressing keys i cant remember wich one lmao


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## serenetabbie

: These are so funny! I have a few too...

... when you find yourself saying things like "Don't lick the dog, I don't care if he licked you first"
... when all of your cook books are jammed in the book case so tightly you can't even get them out
... YOUR bed has guardrails, stuffed animals and a "special blankie"
... You find yourself swaying and humming "Down By the Bay" while waiting in line at the bank. Alone.
... You go to pay the cashier and have to take all the buttons, pink plastic earrings, barbie shoes and little cars out of your change purse to give her correct change.
... You have a crayons and legos in every bag, just in case you need them. Same with baby wipes, snack crackers and an emergency juice box


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## KayasMama04

When you have to tell dc that no you cannot drink the dogs water or please do not put your milk inhis water he doesnt like it that way.


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## cheeseRjedi

...the dishwasher is constantly on b/c your toddler learned how to turn the knob to start it.(we have to have the lever at the lock position or she will throw all the silverware on the floor

...you have to tape drawers shut.

...there are tape cases in the vcr.

...there are socks in the fridge. I guess she wanted them chilled







.


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## guest9921

- it is eerily quiet - so you walk in on your child in front of the cats food bowl - immediately when he/she sees you - they stuff as much pet food in their mouths.

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1.../kittyfood.jpg

It makes his coat shiny.


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## *jeanine*

:


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## witchbaby

you don't HAVE a christmas tree, because your toddler is known for lunging at them and trying to take them down.


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## NotTheOnlyOne

...when you know that all the missing puzzle pieces can be found in the floor vent.

...when you walk through your kitchen barefoot and the bottoms of your feet are covered with sand, even though you sweep at least 5 times a day.

...when you spend more time saying "we don't eat glue/sand/paper/crayons/kleenex/dirt/grass/rocks/christmas tree ornaments" then you do saying "what would you like for lunch?"


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## lafemmedesfemmes

you know you're parent of a toddler when...

...pinning a diaper onto a prone, sleeping child in the dark (without waking him!) doesn't seem like such an amazing feat anymore.

christina


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## SerafinasMommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katherinezuels* 
- it is eerily quiet - so you walk in on your child in front of the cats food bowl - immediately when he/she sees you - they stuff as much pet food in their mouths.

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1.../kittyfood.jpg

It makes his coat shiny.
























My daughter has done this with dog food!


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84* 
your coffee table becomes fun to dance on.

youve fallen over a baby gate more then once and your child is laughing there butt off at you for doing it

These two are daily occurances at our house, though the baby gate less so now that it's been moved out of the kitchen doorway and into the doorway of the office/library ... less traffic.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84* 
none of your crayons have tips on them anymore and your child has rainbow poop

Hasn't happened yet but I'm just waiting...

Here's another...

...when the box you could have sworn you put in the trash is now on the living room floor.


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## gabysmom617

--you get a feeling of dread when unefficient less skilled dh, who is dealing with the baby while you have a moment alone, calls out to you and says, "Honey! Get me a rag!"

--Every small tidbit that is found (cotton balls, cheerios, etc) is "hot" and needs to be blown off before being played with...

--You've become very skilled at successfully sewing a diaper with one hand on the sewing machine, one foot on the foot pedal, and one outstretched hand in front of the child to keep little fingers away.

I have many more, but right now, i'm being fed oatmeal...


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katherinezuels* 
- it is eerily quiet - so you walk in on your child in front of the cats food bowl - immediately when he/she sees you - they stuff as much pet food in their mouths.

http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b1.../kittyfood.jpg

It makes his coat shiny.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *SerafinasMommy* 






















My daughter has done this with dog food!









: It's dog and cat food at our house.

YKYtPoaTW...
...the dog and cat have gone over all twitchy and jump at the slightest noise.

...the backseat of your car is full of socks because DC pulls them off the minute he/she is strapped in to the car seat


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## operamommy

These are great.

...when you're trying to make cookies and realize your toddler has stolen ALL of your measuring spoons (even though he has his own set) so you rummage through his special kitchen drawer and use his.

Instead of listening to NPR in the car, you listen to the Fisher Price Little People Disco Dance Party - and can even repeat word for word the conversations _between the songs.

...when trying to locate your hairbrush, you check the toybox first._


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## MamaHippo

...You've ever uttered the phrases, "No Honey, Don't pee-pee on the floor. No..No! (groan) Ok then, here, wipe it up," or "No, honey, Don't drink the kitty's water. That water is for the kitties."

...You have nursed any variety of things, including but not limited to: stuffed hippos/monkeys/frogs/bears/ducks, Thomas the Train, Little People figures, plastic anthromorphic dumptrucks, and wooden firemen.

..You've ever found your missing car keys in the cat's litter box.

...Your 'baby' sees a milk truck and says, "Ooh, look mama, Milk truck! Its taking Mama Milk to all the little babies."









...the cats have been hiding for weeks because your child has decided to try and find their bellybuttons ("Mama, meow-meow have a beebo? Under da fur?")

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
...when anything goes missing, the first place you look is the drawer under the oven.

Man, the STUFF I've found in the drawer under the oven...


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaHippo* 
...the cats have been hiding for weeks because your child has decided to try and find their bellybuttons ("Mama, meow-meow have a beebo? Under da fur?")









:


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## spughy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
..._That's Not My Puppy..._ becomes deeply philosophical after its 350th reading.









: Oh, so so true.


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## Moochie Mamma

... you learn that tampons make great little mice to play with

... the dog has had to get used to his food and water being mixed together rather than in separate bowls


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Moochie Mamma* 
... the dog has had to get used to his food and water being mixed together rather than in separate bowls

You have doggy stew at your house too?!







:

how about...

YKYtPoaTW...
...it seems that the comic strip Baby Blues has a spy camera somewhere in your house.


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## mimiharshe

: These are great!


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## wsgrl84

I love this thread! What a great idea!









- when you watch Blue's Clues and find yourself singing along to the dorky guy

- when you find yourself saying "truck" a billion times a day and your boy insists on calling it "bus"


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## jazzpurr88

when your calling PetsMart to ask them how long can fish live with milk in their water and will cheerios, spaghetti o's, cat food.... anything not fish food related kill the fish if said fish eat any of it. (so far so good...no dead fish)

Before you can take a shower you have to take 101 plastic toys and doodads out of the tub so you won't slip and break your wrist trying to kick them with your foot and keep soap out of your eyes. All while being asked 1000 times what are you doing mommy from DC on the otherside of locked bathroom door. Then yelling for DH to come unlock the door get you dressed, call the sitter and take you the ER.


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## Emmeline II

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
...when anything goes missing, the first place you look is the drawer under the oven.

...you look up from washing your face just in time to see DD dunk her toothbrush into the toilet and stick it back into her mouth, and you don't throw up.

If it makes you feel better someone did a study and found out that toilet water is cleaner than ice from fast food restaurants







.


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## Emmeline II

... you can't allow your ds to feed the dog because he'll eat her food instead.

... your 3mo old is sticking her tongue in and out with a raisin on it.

... there is a cowbell on your refrigerator, not because you like country decor, but so you can tell when you ds sneaks into the fridge while you are watching tv.


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## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *i'mmykid'$mom* 
If it makes you feel better someone did a study and found out that toilet water is cleaner than ice from fast food restaurants







.

uke


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## *Devon*

These are hysterical!!!









And hey *i'mmykid'$mom*... you always need more cowbell!


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## Oka-san

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
when you have to check he VCR for cds before putting in a movie.

Or when you have to get a tampon out of the VCR slot before you can put another movie in. Wrapped, but still...







:

Aaaaaand... when you find your wrapped tampons have another use, that of providing entertainment when you have to use the bathroom and have to shut your kid in there with you. Out of box, into drawer, out of drawer, into box.

And when you realize you may be embarrassed one day if you need to explain to DD that she went throught a tampon facination...er... period. Yup!


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## Emmeline II

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devonc* 
These are hysterical!!!









And hey *i'mmykid'$mom*... you always need more cowbell!

laughup


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devonc* 
These are hysterical!!!









And hey *i'mmykid'$mom*... you always need more cowbell!

I didn't know that toddlers were such big fans of BOC.


----------



## Cujobunny

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayasMama04* 
When you can catch vomit in one hand and continue to eat


----------



## AlishasMommy

... when you bend over in the middle of a huge presentation in class and two soothers fall out from between your boobs !!!

THis thread is hilarious ! i am peeing myself laughing, trying not to wake DD who fell asleep next to me. They are all soooo true !


----------



## bjorker

...you pull a troll and a toy car out of your coat pocket while you're at work.

I felt like a crazy person, sticking my hand in my pocket for keys and instead pulling out a pink-haired troll. There were co-workers present, one that I don't really even know, and I doubt she knows that I have a child.







:

This also happened to DP at work with legos in his pants pocket.


----------



## bjorker

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emma_goldman* 
You learn how to take out your contacts in the dark while your toddler learns how to turn the light on and off again in the bathroom!

OMG!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!

Seriously, I relate to so many of these... I wouldn't have thought it was that much the same.







Tripping over the letter K in the dark? Been there, I'm sure. There are foam letters all over the house...

Picking cereal out of the bath? I'm not sure I've done cereal, but I've removed countless other things. Soggy toilet paper rolls, dolls, A BOOK (!!! not happy about that one !!!), etc.

Silly kiddos. This is funny.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Congratulations ... we're a *"hot thread"* now - we got the little *red* envelope! Who knew you could unite over the stupid stuff too!







:

YKYtPoaTW...

...you know all the words and timing to because that's what puts DS to sleep for some reason.

(







but this is hilarious!)


----------



## Heffernhyphen

When you and DS spend over two hours at the grocery store because he has to visit the lobsters and check out all the birthday cakes and stir the unshelled nuts and help fill the cart with things you never buy (like frozen bread dough and burritos) and snack on 14 different items. Then, when you finally get halfway through checking out, cookies falling out of opened bags and a trail of Craisins all the way back to aisle 4, he suddenly says, "Me go pee!" So you desert your groceries and run to the nearest rest room. Groceries will wait, toddler pee will not.


----------



## an_aurora

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gabysmom617* 
--Every small tidbit that is found (cotton balls, cheerios, etc) is "hot" and needs to be blown off before being played with...


Yours too? Must be the age









Also, YKYtPoaTW...you see a post called "My DC swallowed a magnetic letter" and your first thought is 'I hope it was an 'i', that would be the easiest to pass'...and then you and your DH have a conversation lasting 30 precious naptime minutes about the pros and cons of each letter.


----------



## jilly

. . . when you refer to your sewing machine as "the white tractor", your shower door has become a drive thru window and you address your child in public as whatever kind of creature they happen to be that second: "Yes, the kitty can give the card to the lady", and you accidentally refer to your dc's snowsuit as a "spacesuit" to adults

. . . when running 3 errands takes you two hours

. . . when you have to eat wooden "ice cream" a thousand times a day and say "yum, delicious" with decreasing enthusiasm each time


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *an_aurora* 
Also, YKYtPoaTW...you see a post called "My DC swallowed a magnetic letter" and your first thought is 'I hope it was an 'i', that would be the easiest to pass...and then you and your DH have conversation lasting 30 precious naptime minutes about the pros and cons of each latter.









:


----------



## Greenmama13

What a great thread! I don't feel so very alone now in my messy, crazy house!

how about...

.... when you have fingerprints that go halfway up your fridge.

....when walking through your living room is like a minefield.

... when all of your kitchen cabinets on the bottom are full of toys (or empty!)

...when you can recite your child's favorite books to him in the car, while out shopping, .... (Dr. Seuss"s ABC book, Goodnight Moon, etc...)


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Greenmama13* 
...when you can recite your child's favorite books to him in the car, while out shopping, .... (Dr. Seuss"s ABC book, Goodnight Moon, etc...)

hah! i recite dr. seuss's abc book when i'm ouching, i mean, combing ds's hair! i'm usually finished by "the quick queen of quincy and her quacking quackeroo".









christina


----------



## tsfairy

... when DH wants mac & cheese for lunch, and he asks me "where is that box that was in the pantry?" So I point under the coffee table and DH doesn't bat an eyelash.









... when I find my toothbrush stuffed in the sofa.


----------



## alliteration

You know when you are in the room with other parents and you start reciting various children's books by heart "good night moon", "Duck in the truck."
The only music stuck in your head is "thomas the tank engine" which you find yourself whistling at work, and bob the builder. You have also invented alternative lyrics to each of these songs.
My favorite, "bob the builder, can he market? Bob the builder, yes, he can!"


----------



## Kelly1216

Dog food has become a perfectly acceptable alternative to dinner for you dc. Why bothering trying to stop them, they'll just eat it anyway.

You don't bother vacuuming more than once a day because the Cheerios that you dc just spilled will be a good snack fo her in about an hour.

You know what restaurants and stores don't have changing ables and refuse to frequent them b/c of that.


----------



## Sierra

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
You know what restaurants and stores don't have changing ables and refuse to frequent them b/c of that.

Not only changing tables, but we also are super aware of...

which restaurants are on the quieter side (i.e. if ds starts yelling, it won't just blend into all the other noises)

which restaurants have the most stuff to look at and the most stuff to mess with (we have a cute little local diner here that has a little play area for kids with toys and stuff, for example)

which restaurants have potted plants, framed art, or other delicates within a short arm's reach of its tables

which restaurants have enough room for an impatient kido to get up and walk around while waiting for food (or during a meltdown after the food has arrived)

which restaurants tend to run out of high chairs or boosters, and which do not

which restaurants have outdoor dining patios (our favorite, in the warm months, is a restaurant here where the dining patio is over the bay, and slightly tilted...we request a table by the lower portion of the tilt so that if ds spills his water, it just runs into the bay







)

which restaurants have only junk food on their kids menus, and which have some relatively healthier options

which restaurants either don't mind spilled water (or give kids cups with lids, that is to say, extremely *secure* lids...and still don't mind if the lid comes off and the water gets spilled)

which restaurants are frequented more by an adult-only crowd, and which are frequented by families

which restaurants have staff that look at food that is dropped on the floor, and give the parents a dirty look, and which ones have staff that say things like, "That's okay. We're a family restaurant." Or, "Isn't that one of the great things about eating out-- you don't have to do the cleanup?!"

which restaurants have generally child-friendly staff and which don't

which restaurants respond the most quickly when your child has a mid-meal meltdown and you have to rush out, which means you also need to get your bill paid as fast as possible

which restaurants will bring some child-friendly food (even just crackers, but better yet, wheat rolls or cornbread or something) to the table when you first sit down, so your very hungry child isn't going nuts waiting to eat while you try to track down a staff person to hunt down some crackers

Any others I forgot??


----------



## SomerG

...when you hear your cell phone ringing, and have to go dig through the trash can to find it.

...when you see an animal of any kind, you point and say, "look at the woof, woof" even if your ds is not with you.


----------



## Autumn Breeze

Your coffee table is in the corner, flanked by two sofas, so that the toddler can't get on it.

AND, that's where you put your Christmas tree. (can you tell I've parented a toddler before...)

You take your bed off the frame so that said toddler can climb up and down at will during the day.


----------



## ninelives

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
When asked what your favorite song is, all you can think of is Wheels on the Bus or Itsy Bitsy Spider!
!

I always thought that "Wheels on the Bus" was for an elementary-age audience. I mean, I don't think a toddler would know about the number pi (roughly 3.14159265359...), which is mentioned in the song.


----------



## KSlager

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
...Kenny Loggins "Return to Pooh Corner" has replaced Barry White as mood music.

...it takes less than ten minutes for a day-long housecleaning to become completely unravelled.

...all your cabinets have locks, it takes you 15 seconds to unlock your toilet, and side-by-side doors are held closed with rubber bands.

...you hear yourself saying "how did you find that/get that open/take that off/get up there/even know how to get to that" on a regular basis.

...the pets have unexplained bald spots.

OH MY GOSH! I love these! That is SO my life!


----------



## gabysmom617

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sierra* 
Not only changing tables, but we also are super aware of...

which restaurants are on the quieter side (i.e. if ds starts yelling, it won't just blend into all the other noises)

which restaurants have the most stuff to look at and the most stuff to mess with (we have a cute little local diner here that has a little play area for kids with toys and stuff, for example)

which restaurants have potted plants, framed art, or other delicates within a short arm's reach of its tables

which restaurants have enough room for an impatient kido to get up and walk around while waiting for food (or during a meltdown after the food has arrived)

which restaurants tend to run out of high chairs or boosters, and which do not

which restaurants have outdoor dining patios (our favorite, in the warm months, is a restaurant here where the dining patio is over the bay, and slightly tilted...we request a table by the lower portion of the tilt so that if ds spills his water, it just runs into the bay







)

which restaurants have only junk food on their kids menus, and which have some relatively healthier options

which restaurants either don't mind spilled water (or give kids cups with lids, that is to say, extremely *secure* lids...and still don't mind if the lid comes off and the water gets spilled)

which restaurants are frequented more by an adult-only crowd, and which are frequented by families

which restaurants have staff that look at food that is dropped on the floor, and give the parents a dirty look, and which ones have staff that say things like, "That's okay. We're a family restaurant." Or, "Isn't that one of the great things about eating out-- you don't have to do the cleanup?!"

which restaurants have generally child-friendly staff and which don't

which restaurants respond the most quickly when your child has a mid-meal meltdown and you have to rush out, which means you also need to get your bill paid as fast as possible

which restaurants will bring some child-friendly food (even just crackers, but better yet, wheat rolls or cornbread or something) to the table when you first sit down, so your very hungry child isn't going nuts waiting to eat while you try to track down a staff person to hunt down some crackers

Any others I forgot??











Quote:

which restaurants have the most stuff to look at and the most stuff to mess with (we have a cute little local diner here that has a little play area for kids with toys and stuff, for example)
<<<This goes for laundrymats as well

Also, i know Arby's gives 100% juice boxes with kids meals (







: )


----------



## mama_bee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84* 
everything is a telephone










my son does this! he'll yell "HELLO?" into anything he can put to his ear.


----------



## cherubess

When the song that gets stuck in your head is "Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car" and you dance like the Wiggles ...


----------



## monkaha

Quote:

I always thought that "Wheels on the Bus" was for an elementary-age audience. I mean, I don't think a toddler would know about the number pi (roughly 3.14159265359...), which is mentioned in the song.
Whaaaaa???

--when the sound of a chair being moved across the kitchen floor is cause to jump up and run to investigate.

--when you check out "Cat in the Hat" at work (as a grocery clerk) and start reciting it to the customers, some of whom are obviously also PoT's and join in.


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Subbing...
Will post later


----------



## marlee

.......... your VISA goes missing for a month yet you don't report it stolen........You find it in the VCR

........Cupboards contain a wide range of items.......glasses, mugs, fingernail clippers. Can of soup, beans, coconut milk, teddy bear


----------



## BellinghamCrunchie

You settle into your hot bubble bath with your book, your toddler escapes from Papa and comes in, closes the door, then turns off the light and can't figure out how to turn it back on because its too dark.


----------



## wsgrl84

when your cell phone has permanently turned into a toy for your son. Forget calling friends, I'll be lucky to not loose it around the house.


----------



## maxam67

..........tears come to your eyes every time you hear him sing ABCs.


----------



## bellalunalovebunny

you start shutting the bathroom door all the time because.......

your toilet is clogged and when you use the snake to unclog it you find an entire bar of soap lodged in there.

you find a toilet full of bubble bath and a rubber ducky floating in it.

and.....your husband gets to work and calls to tell you that his backpack has the cat's toys in it.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkaha* 
--when the sound of a chair being moved across the kitchen floor is cause to jump up and run to investigate.

This one is *too* true. That's the reason I have electrical tape holding the arm on my glasses as I type right now.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *marlee* 
.......... your VISA goes missing for a month yet you don't report it stolen........You find it in the VCR









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellalunalovebunny* 
you start shutting the bathroom door all the time

Nothing needs to be said beyond this one... that's it ... the bathroom door is shut. That's how you know you're the parent of a toddler.


----------



## moppity

One that was mentioned in this thread...you understand the phrase "30 minutes of precious naptime"

...you can't find a pair of scissors anymore because you have hidden them all and can't remember where

..."tongue in when you kiss mama please" is a daily phrase.


----------



## *chickpea*

.....your meals consist of stale scraps of toast, crusts of sandwiches, and cold oatmeal
....you find cat hair in your brush
.....your toothbrush mysteriously tastes like hand soap

this thread is cracking me up!


----------



## quelindo

You find duplos or toy trucks or god-knows-what in the hamper when you're sorting laundry.

You list your house for sale and your real estate agent gently asks if those chairs blocking access to the built-in china cabinet fit under the dining room table (as though you actually LIKE how they look there).

You find yourself singing things like songs by Ralph's World instead of Green Day, like you used to do.

You get excited when the garbage truck comes by.

Going to the grocery store is a fun outing.


----------



## Autumn Breeze

You can't figure out how to keep your 15 month old from climbing the kitchen chairs. Them being pushed in doesn't work anymore.








:







:







:







:







:







:







:: irked:







:


----------



## *jeanine*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moppity* 
..."tongue in when you kiss mama please" is a daily phrase.









:


----------



## wtchyhlr

When you go to have some naptime nookie with your hubby and get poked in the nether regions by small dinosaurs that were lovingly tucked into your bed.....


----------



## gabysmom617

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wtchyhlr* 
When you go to have some naptime nookie with your hubby and get poked in the nether regions by small dinosaurs that were lovingly tucked into your bed.....









!!


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes

...when your dh leaves a message on your voicemail at work: "just to give you a heads-up-- i've found *one* of the mouse balls, so we're no longer missing both."

thank goodness we work opposite shifts; sharing one mouse ball between the two computers isn't such a hardship until the second one turns up.









christina


----------



## Autumn Breeze

lafemmedesfemmes two words :

optical mouse.

Better yet, three words

WIRELESS optical mouse.







vbmenu_register("postmenu_6744184", true);


----------



## coobabysmom

...when blocks spin around in your 50 disc CD player instead of CDs.

...when your dining room table chairs are used to block the built-in hutch and various cabinate doors.

...when your laundry hamper is always filled with little treasures (toothbrushes, nightlights, lotion bottles) in addition to dirty clothes.


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AutumnBreeze* 
lafemmedesfemmes two words :

optical mouse.

Better yet, three words

WIRELESS optical mouse.







vbmenu_register("postmenu_6744184", true);

trackball mouses were very much a pre-baby purchase, i promise you! and we both like them so much that we're willing to put up with the occasional (okay, more than occasional!) hunting down of wayward balls. though it would be nice if we could get our hands on replacement balls...

christina


----------



## gabysmom617

--when you start daydreaming about how useful the Nu-Nu on teletubbies would be around your household....


----------



## aran

... when you need a new bar of soap for the shower, so you go straight for the toy refrigerator in DC's kitchen, where all the household soap has been moved.

... when you know to check your shoes before putting them on - for toys, crayons, or DC's shoes stuffed inside yours.


----------



## lasciate

...your kitchen garbage now hangs off the pantry door 5 feet up.

...your shoes start to show wear on the insoles in the shape of little toddler feet.

...there's a bicycle chain locking your china cabinet.

...your electronics are so child-proofed, you can't use them.


----------



## Kelly1216

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ninelives* 
I always thought that "Wheels on the Bus" was for an elementary-age audience. I mean, I don't think a toddler would know about the number pi (roughly 3.14159265359...), which is mentioned in the song.

Evidently, we know two _*very*_ different versions of this song, the one I know does not mention pi, or really any other numbers....
Anyone else? I don't think I'm crazy.....


----------



## spughy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
Evidently, we know two _*very*_ different versions of this song, the one I know does not mention pi, or really any other numbers....
Anyone else? I don't think I'm crazy.....


I haven't heard the pi thing either. But, how else would you know the circumference of the wheels on the bus?


----------



## celia

"... when you keep your remote controls in ziplock bags so when they are put in the toilet, you don't have to buy a new one"









...how about when that idea strikes you as more brilliant than the discovery of electricity.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aran* 
... when you know to check your shoes before putting them on - for toys, crayons, or DC's shoes stuffed inside yours.

I'm still learning this one...


----------



## Autumn Breeze

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lafemmedesfemmes* 
trackball mouses were very much a pre-baby purchase, i promise you! and we both like them so much that we're willing to put up with the occasional (okay, more than occasional!) hunting down of wayward balls. though it would be nice if we could get our hands on replacement balls...

christina

Ah, check out some older office buildings when they close down, you might grab a few mouse balls there.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lasciate* 
...your kitchen garbage now hangs off the pantry door 5 feet up.

Yep, ours sits on a kitchen chair.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *celia* 
"... when you keep your remote controls in ziplock bags so when they are put in the toilet, you don't have to buy a new one"









...how about when that idea strikes you as more brilliant than the discovery of electricity.


----------



## Zuri'smom

these made my day! I'm laughing until I cry!

you say "uh-oh" and your dd asks "mama's milk letting down?"

You lose the presentation you were working on because of all the buttons your child could have pushed on your laptop, she chose the power button!

You play doctor and one of your patients is a sick toy box

dd starts telling YOU what things are dangerous and to sit properly on the chair you're lounging in..

You help your child collect all the 'princess' ornaments, including the bunny with the kite and the mouse playing a matchbox piano, and find a blanket to cover them all up inthe crib, then tiptoe out so they can sleep...

you find yourself sipping pretend tea with your mom, AFTER dd has already left the room!


----------



## trini

You say out loud "mama has to go poo" even when no one is around.

When someone IS around when you are pooing, it is a 2 1/2 foot tall person handing you microscopic scraps of toilet paper and you say "thank you" for each one.


----------



## janerose

Your DD happily informs anyone who will listen that "Daddy kicked that hippo's butt. ALL GONE!" ever since she decided that a stump in the woods was a hippo and that she was afraid of it. Daddy hauled it away one day during naptime & then (not thinking about the whole parrot phase of course) told her "I kicked that hippo's butt. He's all gone now!".









Holly


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when every walk up the block is accompanied by a detailed narrative on all the places where a cat has ever been seen, "Maow!" directed at all visible cats, and announcements of "Cat in now!" while flailing to point at every window in which a cat has ever been seen and "Go dat way!" while flailing to point at every alley down which a cat has ever fled.

...when every set of objects joined together in a line and every moving linear image (such as a scrolling sign) is a "toot toot tain!" and this phrase is repeated at increasing volume until you agree. No amount of explanation of what the thing actually is will satisfy; you must agree that it is a train.

...when you find yourself referring to your "eye-tops" because that's what your toddler calls your contact lenses.

...when you are at work, using longitudinal data from Phase A, Phase B, etc., and each letter gets the corresponding part of Dr. Seuss's ABC stuck in your brain. (I guess this is an improvement over when I was giving birth and found myself thinking some kind of confused thing about the "Phase B push" needing a correction to its algorithm.)

...when you and your partner find yourselves singing any phrase that has the right rhythm to the tune of either "If You're Happy and You Know It" or "The Farmer in the Dell".

...when you wish you had that machine the Cat in the Hat uses to clean up.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you find yourself referring to your "eye-tops" because that's what your toddler calls your contact lenses.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you and your partner find yourselves singing any phrase that has the right rhythm to the tune of either "If You're Happy and You Know It" or "The Farmer in the Dell".

I do that all the time: just make up lyrics that fit tune, meter and rhyme.







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you wish you had that machine the Cat in the Hat uses to clean up.

Amen to that!


----------



## egarcia76

You discover one morning dc dragged the potty all the way from the master bath to the formal living room & you don't bat an eye. Because you're late for work, you leave it there. DP doesn't bat an eye upon return 9 hrs later.

You find puzzle pieces #3, 6, 8 and 9 on your closet floor. The other puzzle, the one with the dancing foam people, lost three dancing men when dc learned to walk months ago. You will never find them.

Even late to work, you feel compelled to straighten the puzzles and replace the missing pieces just to keep SOME semblance of order in your life.

Guests are greeted by the sight of miniature cars, rocking horses, etc. neatly piled in one area of the living room the moment you open your door. And that's after you've cleaned the house.


----------



## Qestia

When you hear "Jingle Bells" and think of Elmo.


----------



## loraxc

When it's all you can do to stop yourself from yelling, "RED BEETLE CAR!!" as you drive around with a coworker.

When you have little plastic animals in every pocket, purse, coat, and bag. They regularly go through the wash in your work pants, to be discovered at random moments.

When you and your DH still use the funny mispronunciations your toddler doesn't use anymore ("corn on the bob").


----------



## abbeysmum05

I have not laughed so hard in weeks!

My thought: You know you are the parent of a toddler when even mundane tasks seem kind of fun b/c your dc helps you see things in a new light: my dd calls the mop our "kitchen flower'! I love this! I actually like to use it now just so she will say it!


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zuri'smom* 
You lose the presentation you were working on because of all the buttons your child could have pushed on your laptop, she chose the power button!

D'Oh! I am all too familiar with this one.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
You say out loud "mama has to go poo" even when no one is around.

When someone IS around when you are pooing, it is a 2 1/2 foot tall person handing you microscopic scraps of toilet paper and you say "thank you" for each one.


----------



## Serrendipity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
I haven't heard the pi thing either. But, how else would you know the circumference of the wheels on the bus?

OMG!







:Yeah, I've never heard the Pi reference, either. But You've got a good point!

I've got a few to add...

...When you tell your DH that you'll be having Yoogles for dinner and he knows exactly what you mean. Yoogles, as in: _spaghetti_ yoogles.

...When your DC comes up to you with red stuff all over her face saying she's got "owies" and you frantically search the living room for what could have possibly hurt her, only to discover that the source is actually the small bowl of pomegranate seeds she popped all over the place.... on your newly cleaned carpet. (Is there a smiley that winces??)

...When you can do almost any domestic task while and at the same time singing the "Augustus Gloop" song from Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" AND doing the Oompa Loompa dance. You've even been know to throw in your own special moves.







:

...DC brings you lego (or anything else, for that matter) "cakes" that you have to pretend to eat, only about a hundred times a day.

...The words, "Honey, the kids are asleep...







" have practically become foreplay.

Serendipity


----------



## muckemom

(I didn't have time to read the whole thread, so forgive me if these are repeats)

-- When you take your wallet out of your purse to pay for your drinks on girl's night out, cheerios fall out onto the bar

-- you find yourself accidently eating with a toddler fork and plate

-- your husband tells you (quietly) that you're humming the tune to "Banana Phone" by Raffi in line at Whole Foods

-- You watch your child eat a cracker that has been on the floor since lunch time yesterday without even flinching

whoops babes up... gotta jet.


----------



## spughy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *muckemom* 

-- your husband tells you (quietly) that you're humming the tune to "Banana Phone" by Raffi in line at Whole Foods


Heh. In my case, it's "you say nothing as your husband actually *sings* "Banana Phone" while in line at the grocery store, and refrain from grimacing as he makes up his own lyrics to it."


----------



## sincitymama

-when you hop OVER every line, crack, bump, or imaginary spot in the parking lot on your way into the store, yet INTO every puddle, however small, because oyur child thinks water is just hte most fascinating hting in the whole wide world. Then wonder why those people are looking at you that way.

-when you routinely say things like:
'mommy is not food'
'the kitty is not food'
'your car is not food'

-you can actually manage to sound excited while saying htings like 'yes that's mommy's poop! Do YOU want to flush the toilet this time? Bye bye poop!' or 'WOW! did you see all that dirt?!'

-you find a still sealed can of tuna sitting on top of the cats food dish. how thoughtful, trying to give the kitty a treat









-putting on shoes is a real adventure, you never know what you will find!

-an adult needs a potato masher or spatula. if it is not in the drawer or dishwasher, the next logical place to look is behind and/or under the couch. you don't rinse it off before using

-you actually feel flattered when complimented on your horse noise during this recitation of 'moo, bah, la la la'.

-when asked for gift ideas for your child, you tell the person that this skein of yarn has lasted weeks now. So what you can't move the laptop because the cord is all tangled up in yarn, along with several stuffed animals, a baby doll, cars of varying sizes, and a book.

-you get to hear about every single plane and helicoptor that goes over your neighborhood. Every plane is a 'big one!' and 'up high!', worthy of severl minutes conversation. Did I add that you live under the flightpath of a major airport in a destination city







:


----------



## angel1895

you literally have at least 10 containers (ours are ziploc bags) of wipes floating around the house... _somewhere_

trying to eject a video tape.. only to find that the reason it wont come out is because there are french fries *AND* AA batteries blocking it







:

dc HAS to give snook the high five at the end of "big world" or you must suffer _another_ meltdown

you are only allowed to watch "cars" because anything else just wont suffice

you are walking to the kitchen and spot a straw on the floor... you pick it up and turn the corner only to find that he has dumped the whole container of 200+ straws all over the kitchen

you have to put a baby gate behind your computer desk because its fun to play with the surge protector button... but _only_ when mommy or daddy are on the computer









you take out wet clothes from the washer only to find you have also washed a binky and X number of cars (always varies with me







)

you have a glass dining table but must keep a table cloth on it... it will NEVER stay clean.

you have to bungee cord the kids closet door shut...







:

I'm sure there are more... there always are.


----------



## gobbledegook

.........you have to explain to your Dad (who just showed up unexpectedly) why his granddaughter is wearing your thong panties on her head.

.........you hear the question, "your STILL nursing!?" what seems like a hundred times a week.


----------



## nabigus

... you know exactly how long a cell phone has to dry out before it's usable.

... your kitchen chairs are attached to the table with carabineers and luggage straps.

... you do the bouncy bouncy hip jiggle and sing "Jig along home" in the checkout line, only to realize that ds is at home with dh, not on your back in the Ergo.

... you know the release date of the next Dan Zanes CD.

... the word "gymnurstics" is part of your vocabulary.

... you lick your child's food-covered hand when you don't have a wipe handy. Regularly.

... you successfully stare down the guy at the airport who looks disapprovingly at your beautiful nursing 16 month old.

... you say night night to the bottle of lotion every night.

... you laugh in the face of the well-meaning pediatrician you meet at a party who offers to rinse off the toy your ds just dropped on the floor.

... you're having a quiet moment on the couch when a little finger aimed at your nostril creeps into your peripheral vision.

... you've ever taken apart a laptop to rescue the hard drive after an Unfortunate Incident with a cup of tea.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... you're having a quiet moment on the couch when a little finger aimed at your nostril creeps into your peripheral vision.

Or your ear. I made the mistake of once folding my ears (so that they looked like mouths) and then made one "bark" and the other "meow." DS can't get enough.









Or your nose. Daddy has an AHOOOGAAAAA! nose. DS _loves_ the AHOOOGAAAAA! nose. Daddy's nose is one big bruise.


----------



## Nickarolaberry

OMG these are hilarious.

I have a few:

*When you find yourself rocking the shopping cart back and forth, back and forth....even when you're by yourself!

*When you know exactly how to position the blow dryer to dry out the remote/cellphone/telephone that has landed in the toilet (or bathtub) and how long it takes to dry before you can use it without being electrocuted

*when your kitchen garbage pail is up on a folding chair that is propped backwards against the wall

*when your kid orders "ya yas" in a restaurant and you expect the waitress to know that means french fries

*when you have finally run out of high spaces to put things on

*when your child potty learns and says "I need privacy mama" but thinks nothing of marching in to the bathroom when you're doing your (erstwhile) private business

And you know you're the parent of an older and younger toddler when:

*you can't figure out what to do about toilet locks/closing bathroom doors because one just potty learned and needs easy access and the other one enjoys fishing around in toilets.







:


----------



## trini

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SarahNH* 
-
-you actually feel flattered when complimented on your horse noise during this recitation of 'moo, bah, la la la'.


Horses are hard. You must be very talented.









My problem is that whenever ds sees a pig now he says "la la la." I'm going to have a hard time explaining that one to his kindergarten teacher.


----------



## pampered_mom

-When you used to try and drive further down the road to another crossing just so you could avoid the train and now purposely try to get stuck at a crossing so ds can watch the train go across.

-When your Christmas tree looks very sad because there is a gigantic blank space on the tree where there are no ornaments b/c that's where ds and the two cats kept pulling ornaments off.

-When sometimes you wonder if the cats and your child are able to communicate in some unknown language and have all ganged up on you!


----------



## wsgrl84

this happen to me tonight...

-when watching your favorite tv show with NO interruptions seem like pure HEAVEN to you.


----------



## Kleine Hexe

....when your alarm clock goes off in the middle of the night because dc reset it.

....you never get to eat because the second you try to take a bite a little mouth and little hands suddenly appear.


----------



## gabysmom617

--when you're sitting here typing blind (thank goodness for 7th grade typing lessons, less I would not be able to type without looking at the keyboard whilst on MDC!) because you are straining through completely smudged up sunglasses that showed up mysteriously (somebody somewhere somehow gave them to your child) at quarter to 11 at night, AND trying to see past your toddler who is directly in your face, adjusting said sunglasses to be sure they are on your face properly, and then pushing them up to see your eyes, and then puts them back on your eyes...over and over and over again.

And now the room his filled with delighted shrilled screams, for this toddler has turned his attention to the smileys on the screen...they are hilarious.


----------



## MommaMoo

...When you consider crackers and milk a full meal

...When you think you'd do pretty well in a wrestling match with a midget because of all the struggling it takes to diaper and dress your toddler

...When your belly button is the most fascinating thing in the world to someone

...When all of your belongings are piled up high on top of the refrigerator or any other high flat surface


----------



## gabysmom617

--when you realize that now you've been sitting all alone with sunglasses on your boob for quite a while now...


----------



## Mom2JakeandJosh

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
Evidently, we know two _*very*_ different versions of this song, the one I know does not mention pi, or really any other numbers....
Anyone else? I don't think I'm crazy.....

I think ninelives may be thinking of the song 18 wheels on a big rig, which is one of my boys favorite songs. One of the parts in that song goes.

"I will now attempt to divide the wheels of a big rig by pi."
Oh, there's 3.143125679 -11... million wheels on a big rig,
and they're rollin rollin rollin,
rollin rollin rollin!

HTH

Dana


----------



## wsgrl84

when you are never going to have a peaceful meal to yourself unless you hire a babysitter


----------



## angel1895




----------



## Nickarolaberry

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gabysmom617* 
--when you realize that now you've been sitting all alone with sunglasses on your boob for quite a while now...









:







:







:

That is hilarious.

You know you're the parent of a toddler when....

Your free address labels (thanks St. Jude!) disappear and then your 3 year old and 16 month old reappear covered in address stickers from hair to clothes to toes and shoes.


----------



## anarchamama

You spend 45 min searching frantically for your car keys, you just let ds play with them for 1 min while you tied your shoes. You finally find them IN THE CRISPER DRAWER! wha.......? I swear I was watching the whole time, how did he get in the fridge without me seeing? and open and close the drawer?


----------



## minkajane

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you are at work, using longitudinal data from Phase A, Phase B, etc., and each letter gets the corresponding part of Dr. Seuss's ABC stuck in your brain. (I guess this is an improvement over when I was giving birth and found myself thinking some kind of confused thing about the "Phase B push" needing a correction to its algorithm.)

What do you DO???

- Your DC has fallen asleep nursing a good 20 minutes ago and you still haven't bothered to pull your shirt back down over your boobs.
- The tops of your feet are bruised and scratched from banging them on the baby gates.
- You use the bannisters to swing over the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and your visiting friends look at you like you just turned into a monkey.
- The words "all done" inevitably preceed a screaming fit.
- You have to explain to your DC every time you place something in the shopping cart that you have to pay for it before you eat it and that he'll just have to wait to have a nana.
- You can't remember the last time you had a meal that didn't contain peanut butter.
- You can read AND post on MDC while your DC sits in your lap saying "eye, eye!" over and over and poking you in the eye.
- Cooking dinner is no longer made possible by simply closing the baby gate in the kitchen door. This now leads to bloody murder screaming.
- The refrigerator becomes a playground. Simply pushing the button to turn the light on and off provokes insane laughter.


----------



## *jeanine*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *muckemom* 

-- you find yourself accidently eating with a toddler fork and plate


the other night we *all* ate off toddler plates. they were the only clean ones in the house







:


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes

...when you haven't seen the remote in 10 weeks (and counting...).

thank goodness we're moving next week-- maybe it will turn up then!

christina


----------



## trini

...you find yourself disassembling a stereo speaker to retrieve a plastic hotdog.

(Forgive me if I already posted that. I'm a bit sleep-deprived.)


----------



## art4babies

You are out shopping at Nordstrom, and suddenly reach up and pull old caked oatmeal out of your hair. Or at least you THINK that is what it is.....

These are great.


----------



## guestmama9911

...unwrapped (unused







) tampons keep showing up in weird places, even though you're sure DC has no access to them.


----------



## lafemmedesfemmes

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
...unwrapped (unused







) tampons keep showing up in weird places, even though you're sure DC has no access to them.

that happens to us with writing utensils! we're always so certain that we've hidden away every last pencil, pen, marker, and crayon in the house-- we can *never* find one when we need one-- but ds always manages to pop up with new graffiti to show for our pains!







:

christina


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
- The tops of your feet are bruised and scratched from banging them on the baby gates.
- You use the bannisters to swing over the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs and your visiting friends look at you like you just turned into a monkey.

Amen about the baby gates. I think I've tripped over the







things a million times. It's especially bad when you knock it over and trap one leg underneath it. OUCH!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
- You have to explain to your DC every time you place something in the shopping cart that you have to pay for it before you eat it and that he'll just have to wait to have a nana.

We don't have _this_ particular problem ... yet .... but DS likes to throw the items _in_ the cart _out_ of the cart.

Also ... YKYtPoaTW...
...you turn your back for two second (it was literally that, I turned to grab a book off the shelf) and DS is no longer by your side, but is across the living room and in the kitchen and up on top of the kitchen table bandishing Mommy's sewing scissors!


----------



## linguistmama

When your toddler can't quite pronounce things correctly yet and Pooh Bear is pronounced "Booby". (She uses the Spanish word for boob when she wants to nurse). I can't wait to show this one off at Christmas with family!


----------



## Zuri'smom

When the play table started out being used for pretend meals, then real snacks, then real breakfast and snacks, then lunch and now the whole family sits at the play table for dinner, too!!! (mom and dad even sit in the little people's chairS!!!)


----------



## boingo82

When the oven mitt is on the living room floor. With a giraffe in it.

When things have very unusual names. DS has gotten the idea that any sort of wreath or evergreen thing with shiny Christmas balls on it, is a "mosquito". So the whole trip through Kohl's is filled with, "It's ah-skee-wo! Bye ah-skee-wo. It's ah-skee-wo!! Bye ah-skee-wo."

When you cannot pull up youtube without being asked to play the cats video:





When you are typing this around a toddler who is sitting ON the computer desk - and is imitating all the smilies.


----------



## boingo82

When you must check your shoes for puzzle pieces and toy animals before donning them each morning.

Taping books back together is a daily occurence.


----------



## Nickarolaberry

When you just got him dressed and all of a sudden you look down and he is...stark naked except for half the (pinned!) diaper hanging off one side

(and I use those locking Dritz pins!)


----------



## papa de angel

When, just as you were about to get irate at the office about some client or other, you find a little pink plastic spoon from DD's play tea set in your trouser leg pocket, put there the evening before (when?), instantly replacing the frown on your face with a banana-size smile.


----------



## papa de angel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 

Having another person's snot all over you doesn't even phase you anymore!










:


----------



## papa de angel

When you stand there, utterly amazed, seeing your 17 month-old give another kid a thorough telling-off - finger wagging 'an all - for selfishly refusing to loan his new tricycle, without using any intelligible language whatsoever, yet completely getting the message home (by the ashamed look on the other kid's face).


----------



## *jeanine*




----------



## spughy

You pick up the phone to call someone and see that the number "9999989759994989999945849494949999999958594949999 9999945849999" has already been called.


----------



## moppity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
- The words "all done" inevitably proceed a screaming fit.


As do the words "all gone"


----------



## moppity

When you spend longer than your 'allowed' three seconds to look at the computer screen so someone's little hands reach around, grab your face and point it in the direction you SHOULD be looking (ie at them playing







)


----------



## Daniel's Kitty

When you have to unbury the toys off of the front door to answer it. And it takes long enough that the mail man is leaving the tag to tell you that you can pick your package up at the post office. We got the package inside and ds went nuts trying to open it.


----------



## trini

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
You pick up the phone to call someone and see that the number "9999989759994989999945849494949999999958594949999 9999945849999" has already been called.


Yes!


----------



## peaceful_mama

when you have a rule in your house about no eating like Cookie Monster.

when you have had a 15 minute conversation with your mother about how the little brown-haired girl on Clifford is a total snot, so your son is NOT allowed to watch that show. (seriously, this cartoon made me want to puke.)

When the closet door where the vacuum lives has to be secured shut with a butter knife in the top because now he knows how to turn knobs...


----------



## mommy-X-2

I have to start by saying I love this thread. I was laughing so hard I was crying by the third page.

--When you have to move all of your lingerie from the bottem drawer of your dresser because your DC comes out wearing it when you have guests over.

-- When you get up to answer the door and then have to race your child back to your seat.

-- When you find yourself telling your coworkers that you have to use the little girls room.


----------



## mimiharshe

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Zuri'smom* 
When the play table started out being used for pretend meals, then real snacks, then real breakfast and snacks, then lunch and now the whole family sits at the play table for dinner, too!!! (mom and dad even sit in the little people's chairS!!!)









Seriously!!!!!!!!

How about when you hear loud crashes and realize that every single toy bin is being dumped out upstairs!!!!!


----------



## Shanana

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellalunalovebunny* 
and.....your husband gets to work and calls to tell you that his backpack has the cat's toys in it.

For a minute there, I thought you were going to say the CAT was in the backpack!!









YKYtPoaTW:

... Your daughter constantly hands you things to hold. You are not allowed to put these things down. If you do, she will patiently pick them back up and press them into your hands.

... You only see your cat for 5 minutes a day, and it's in the middle of the night when dd is sound asleep.

... You have a row of dining room chairs blocking access to your stereo and CDs, and you went to Best Buy and bought a new hard drive so you could copy all of your CDs onto your computer so the actual CDs can be put in a box in the basement.

... Every cabinet door is child-proofed, and your dh is too lazy to work the lock to open the door to get to the trash. So he just leaves his trash sitting on the kitchen counter.

... "Reading" a book means quickly saying whatever words you can read as the pages fly by in no particular order and often backwards.

... You used to think that being a SAHM meant you would get all of the chores and errands done during the week so the three of you could spend the weekend doing fun things as a family. You now laugh at that silly woman, and try to run your errands on the weekend so you don't have to lug dd in and out of the car and Ergo ten million times.

... You go to bed hungry every night and are losing weight because someone else is eating half the food on your plate.


----------



## mommy-X-2

Ok my Dh just added this one

-- When you are taking a walk and get halfway down the street and realize the cat in under the stroller! (at least now we know were she hides all day!)


----------



## my4magpies

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
... You used to think that being a SAHM meant you would get all of the chores and errands done during the week so the three of you could spend the weekend doing fun things as a family. You now laugh at that silly woman, and try to run your errands on the weekend so you don't have to lug dd in and out of the car and Ergo ten million times.









:

You took the words right out of my mouth!!!


----------



## Baby Makes 4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
...you find yourself disassembling a stereo speaker to retrieve a plastic hotdog.

We did this yesterday to get out the toy mouse.









... When you actually consider wrapping up a roll of toilet paper as a holiday gift ... he'd like it better than all the toys he's getting.

... You find yourself saying things like: "If you hit someone with your bum it's still hitting"

... It takes you 20 minutes to find a matching pair of shoes


----------



## Kelly1216

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy-X-2* 

--When you have to move all of your lingerie from the bottem drawer of your dresser because your DC comes out wearing it when you have guests over.


Funny Story, once, when my dh and I were on a date, my dd brought every single bra and panty in my underwear drawer _*to my MIL*_ who was babysitting. She pulled me to the side after we had gotten home and told me she had to hide them under a couch cushion to keep dd from using my bras as hats!! I about died! There was definately some stuff in there that I didn't need her to think of me wearing for her son! Not too kinky or anything, but still!!


----------



## Baby Makes 4

... when you put away all your remote controls by stuffing them back under the couch cushions where they belong.


----------



## BrookeC

...instead of paper you find cars in the printer

...when the cat goes missing, you first check all the drawers in the house (poor thing was lost for a day and a half before we found her)

...you get used to blurred vision despite glasses as there is just no point to wiping your glasses anymore

...you discover your DS in the bathroom with blue loo soaked toilet paper in his mouth and your first reaction is to laugh

...the recycling bin is an alternative toy box and can be hours of entertainment

I'm loving this thread, can't wait for my partner to read it!


----------



## lalaland42

Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
You pick up the phone to call someone and see that the number "9999989759994989999945849494949999999958594949999 9999945849999" has already been called.

I found out that someone named 'J' has the telephone number 5. At least according to my cell phone's phone book.

I just have to add:

When your DD throws up and you hope she throws up on you rather then the couch or carpet because you are easier to clean.

Off to the doctor. sigh


----------



## mimiharshe

how about when you are picking up your kids left over dropped food off of the floor and all of a sudden you realize, "gosh, when was the last time I ate???" so instead of throwing it in the trash, you plop it into your mouth!


----------



## Baby Makes 4

When your husband is on his 18th rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle" in a row and it's the sexiest thing you've ever seen.


----------



## boingo82

When someone 3' tall is arguing with you, heatedly, about whether that is a centipede or an alligator.


----------



## Moochie Mamma

:









I'm crying I'm laughing so hard at these posts!


----------



## lincap

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
You say out loud "mama has to go poo" even when no one is around.

When someone IS around when you are pooing, it is a 2 1/2 foot tall person handing you microscopic scraps of toilet paper and you say "thank you" for each one.









That is so us!!!!!!!















:


----------



## boingo82

When you find yourself hiding DC's favorite books in the couch







: as soon as he turns around - because you can only ready Dr. Seuss's ABC 100 times a day before you go completely insane.


----------



## tinkinpink84

to clean your house you stick your toddler int he playpen with a snack and drink to keep them from climbing out.
its a weekly chore of dumping the playpen over to get the crumbs out.

you have a vcr but u never buy tapes becuase theres no telling whats in the vcr or if it works.

you have to chase your toddler around the house because they thought it would be funny to run off with the entire roll of toilet paper while ur in the bathroom.

the cabinet on your entertainment center is a special hiding spot that keeps them amused for 30 minutes. perfectly tall enough for any child under age 3 to stand in lol.

your husband asks u if thats yummy when your eating waiting for u to smack yer lips lol

your purse is filled with lollipops and toys , to keep your kid entertained so u can actually buy some groceries ( one day i had to open the bag of lollipops and give him one so he would sit in the cart or id have to walk out the store and go home and get hubby to get the groceries himself)

the only way to ge tsomething from ur child that they shouldnt have is to nicely ask can i have that? then clap and yell YAY so they dont throw a fit.

you reheat the same plate of food all day long in hopes your child will get hungry and finish it .

u cant cook and do dishes at the same time cuz its almost impossible to stand at the sink and hold the door shut to the oven with one foot.

u have to brush your teeth with one foot on the toilet so yoru hairspray doesnt end up in there or soemthing else.

alot i read and can relate too lol, we have wipe boxes all over the place. half our xmas tree is now bare and looks like an animal plowed into it. we hav ean empty cabinet usualyl contains juice but when we aer out its josephs new hiding spot .

i go tanother one your kid finds it fun to hide ina room and shut the door until they realize its dark in there and they cant get back out. or shuts themself in the shower and does the same thing because they are "stuck"


----------



## nabigus

And a spin-off of the lingerie drawer:

... you can't find a way to childproof the bedside drawer, so ds's mission in life has become the acquisition of condom packets and bottles of lube.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84* 
u cant cook and do dishes at the same time cuz its almost impossible to stand at the sink and hold the door shut to the oven with one foot.

u have to brush your teeth with one foot on the toilet so yoru hairspray doesnt end up in there or soemthing else.

i go tanother one your kid finds it fun to hide ina room and shut the door until they realize its dark in there and they cant get back out. or shuts themself in the shower and does the same thing because they are "stuck"

OMG - Do you have a camera in our house?!







: That's _so_ how it is here!







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
And a spin-off of the lingerie drawer:

... you can't find a way to childproof the bedside drawer, so ds's mission in life has become the acquisition of condom packets and bottles of lube.

















:


----------



## Baby Makes 4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... you can't find a way to childproof the bedside drawer, so ds's mission in life has become the acquisition of condom packets and bottles of lube.









You know you are the parent of a toddler when you are wondering whether consumption of half a bottle of lube is grounds for a call to poison control.

(We decided he'd probably be okay and he was)


----------



## mimiharshe

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
You know you are the parent of a toddler when you are wondering whether consumption of half a bottle of lube is grounds for a call to poison control.

(We decided he'd probably be okay and he was)









ok that's too much!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
When someone 3' tall is arguing with you, heatedly, about whether that is a centipede or an alligator.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
You know you are the parent of a toddler when you are wondering whether consumption of half a bottle of lube is grounds for a call to poison control.

(We decided he'd probably be okay and he was)

















:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:








:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## pookel

... when you find yourself helping a Cabbage Patch doll do everything your kid does. ("oh, does Charlie like eggs too? Mmmm! Did Charlie bump his head? Mama will give him a hug.")

... when you find yourself having this conversation while reading a picture book with a somewhat stylized picture of a walrus:
"Shoe!"
"No, that's a walrus, honey."
"Shoe!"
"No, it's a walrus. See, there are its eyes."
"Shoe!"
"Walrus!"
"Shoe!"


----------



## Baby Makes 4

When you pick toys based on whether or not it would be easy to wip pee off of them.

(DS goes diaper free for most of the day)


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

...silence in no longer golden. It is cause for intense worry.


----------



## Aliviasmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
When someone IS around when you are pooing, it is a 2 1/2 foot tall person handing you microscopic scraps of toilet paper and you say "thank you" for each one.
















:


----------



## ZaMasmom

you go to the bathroom while nursing

you go to the bathroom with the door open and the cat, the baby and the toddler are all in there wanting attention


----------



## zmom

... when you announce to other adults that you'll be right back after you go to the potty.


----------



## mimiharshe

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zmom* 
... when you announce to other adults that you'll be right back after you go to the potty.

















:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## lalaland42

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
...silence in no longer golden. It is cause for intense worry.
























Absolutely. So is the cute face peeking around the corner with a big smile, you know the one, it's the "I did something funny" smile.


----------



## 3_opihi

- when you crawl into bed, utterly exhausted, for the night and are poked in the bum by a small lego, a toy car, an ear from Mr. Potato head while simultaneosly having a small hand grope down your shirt. (and no, it's not DH's, sadly)

- whilst arguing the common philosophy that TOILETS are for pooping and BATHTUBS are for washing

- while screaming







: for the 80th time today to get out of the refrigerator

- and as an addendum picking up the 10 half eaten cups of yogurt from around the house.

- explaining to my son that no, Pale Green Pants don't _really_ ride bikes.


----------



## chasmyn

When you read an email letting you know a thread has been updated. The email says 'bump', and you think to yourself, "Bump bump bump - did you ever ride a wump?"

Every time.


----------



## Max'sMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chasmyn* 
"Bump bump bump - did you ever ride a wump?"

Every time.

















laughup I couldn't agree more. There are so many Seuss-isms it's scary.

YKYTPOAT when: you actually find it hilarious to hear your toddler saying 'Dam* it' and when you remind them that those words 'we don't use' the response is:

I'm my daddy, he says it, Dam* it! I'm my daddy, Dam* it!" Over and over and over, all while shopping in Victoria's Secret with daddy nowhere in site.







:


----------



## monkaha

:thatgreensmileythatsroflol:


----------



## Baby Makes 4

You get an iPod for Christmas and the first song you load is Raffi.


----------



## Fiestabeth

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
About a month and a half ago, Tina Fey (of _SNL_ and _30 Rock_ and _Mean Girls_ fame) was on _The Tonight Show with Jay Leno_ and he asked her about her daughter (who is about 1yo). Ms. Fey said having a toddler in the house is like living with a drunken midget. They're stumbling around knocking things off of shelves and tables, screaming, crying, yelling when they don't get their way...









That's exactly what life with a toddler is like.







:

OMG! I hadn't heard that, and our nickname for Sofia is "Drunk Girl!"







She is constantly moving at warp speed, barely stopping or quickly changing course before she runs into walls, spinning then falling on the ground and laughing, "I dizzzzy!" And the dancing....

Here's mine:

....you answer "Mama, what's your name?" anywhere from 10-30 times a day.

....at Christmas dinner with extended family your toddler won't eat but sits at the table going, "Were's my pwesents?"

....it's finally time to open presents but your toddler is so burnt out she doesn't want to open them, starts trying to tear ornaments off the tree then runs over, "Nana milk? MO NANA MILK!" So you nurse her four times in two hours and don't care what dh's entire extended family thinks.

....Christmas is now over but all you've heard all day is "Tis a season a be jolly, a la la la la la la la." Just that line. Over. And over. And over.


----------



## Serrendipity

Bump! Bump! Bump!
Did you ever ride a wump?
We have a wump with just one hump.
BUT we know a man called Mr. Gump.
Mr. Gump has a seven hump wump.
So, if you like to go Bump! Bump!
Just jump on a hump of the wump of Gump!

There, now it's official. And all from memory, too.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *zmom* 
... when you announce to other adults that you'll be right back after you go to the potty.









My _mom_ still says she has to go potty. And she's 50. And my youngest brother is almost 15!

I do it too. Probably just like her, I'll still be saying, "I have to go potty." when my kids are grown. It'll be just one more thing to horribly embarrass them.







DH and I have already decided that we will probably be the most horribly embarrassing parents ever (not on purpose), so it's a drop in the bucket at that point.

Serendipity


----------



## DucetteMama21842

When in the middle of the chaos you call life (and potty training) the doorbell rings. Your fluffy mail (and DH paycheck..) are expected couriered so you run and open with your toddler on your hip bare buttcheeks confronting the mailman. .... and look at him like, " ..... AND?....."


----------



## Kelly1216

When the ringer to your cell phone is picked based on your toddler's preference. Mine currently is Elmo's theme song "la la la la, la la la la, ELmo's World, Thanks for calling!"

When said cell phone ringer rings in any public place, any and all toddlers within a 20 foot radius start singing along.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
When the ringer to your cell phone is picked based on your toddler's preference. Mine currently is Elmo's theme song "la la la la, la la la la, ELmo's World, Thanks for calling!"

When said cell phone ringer rings in any public place, any and all toddlers within a 20 foot radius start singing along.

Oh, I'm so sorry for you.


----------



## UandA'sMom

...you find size 4 sneakers carefully tucked into your bed as if their taking a nap

...you graciously accept the soggy food being shoved in your mouth by sticky hands


----------



## peaceful_mama

WHERE did you get the Elmo ringer? DS would LOVE that...oh wait, the LAST thing I need is to give him yet another reason to be fascinated with my cell phone! (though him going 'ya-ya-ya-ya, Emmo's WOOOORD' at the top of his lungs *is* pretty cute)

he calls whoever I called last at random, fortunately he also hits 'speaker' so I hear this--the other night about 3 minutes after I just got off the phone with my friend and we'd both said we were going to bed, he ran off and called her...'heyyo? heyyo?'







fortunately she has a ds 10- days older than him so this is funny.

YOU know what "Tet-ame Teeet!" is...and that he's yelling it cause he hummed the theme song or he's just turned the TV to channel 22...and now you have to convince him that no matter how long we leave it there, Elmo and the crew are NOT going to appear at 8 PM.


----------



## Surfacing

...Catching a whiff dc's morning breath or a toot in bed evokes a smile, and a warm and fuzzy feeling
...Your toddler's version of "If You're Happy And You Know It" exclusively containing the words "Happy Dodo" (as in dodo bird) are sung by you and dh over and over again, even getting granny to join in over the phone
...You find yourself explaining to strangers why dd is shouting "Nö nö nö nö!" at the top of her lungs and pointing at them ('nö' means 'woman' in Hungarian)


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UandA'sMom* 
...you graciously accept the soggy food being shoved in your mouth by sticky hands

Every time, all the time, no matter what it is, when it's being shoved at you or if you can identify it or not. I think I got fed a piece of dog food the other day, but I can't be entirely sure, but there's no way I'd piss off the two foot tall person who fed it to me.


----------



## Eather

When you can only keep a clean shirt on for the first 5 minutes of the day. The rest of the day your covered in Toddler goo.


----------



## betty_joanne

These are so funny!


----------



## mommy-X-2

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
Funny Story, once, when my dh and I were on a date, my dd brought every single bra and panty in my underwear drawer _*to my MIL*_ who was babysitting. She pulled me to the side after we had gotten home and told me she had to hide them under a couch cushion to keep dd from using my bras as hats!! I about died! There was definately some stuff in there that I didn't need her to think of me wearing for her son! Not too kinky or anything, but still!!

Thats pretty close to what happend only my *parents and my inlaws* were over when my DD came out of the room wearing my nighty over her head. And taking it away made her scream so she continued to wear it for the rest of the night.


----------



## mangapen

You tell your husband's Dr. over the phone that your husband was finally able to "potty" after his surgery!

I turned very red and was happy that he could not see me!


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mangapen* 
You tell your husband's Dr. over the phone that your husband was finally able to "potty" after his surgery!

I turned very red and was happy that he could not see me!

I think I can beat that. In an intimate moment, DH tried to talk dirty but referred to his "weiner". Using that word.







Don't tell him I told.


----------



## Sierra

Okay, I'll add another.

Your 20 month old ds is bare-bottomed, and while in the kitchen you hear the toilet lid flip up. "Ahhh, terrific," you think, "he is showing interest in the potty."

After about 5 seconds you head into the bathroom to find your 9 month old with her hands splashing around in the toilet. You know she didn't get that lid up by herself! ds, meanwhile, is standing on the stepstool trying to eat toothpaste..wet hands clutched around the tube.

(P.S. I know babies are top heavy and toilets can be drowning hazards. This was the first time something like this has happened, and I did learn that I should be ever vigilant with them near the bathroom.)


----------



## EVC

This thread is hilarious!!!!!!


----------



## fallriverfox

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chasmyn* 
When you read an email letting you know a thread has been updated. The email says 'bump', and you think to yourself, "Bump bump bump - did you ever ride a wump?"

Every time.









Our quote from that book is "Say this pet is WET! You never yet met a pet, I bet, as wet as they let this wet pet get" when we change the girl's diaper.


----------



## mimiharshe

...when your 19 month old takes his play horse (the ones w/just the head and the stick for them to ride on) into the bathroom to give it a drink...out of the toilet. "oh honey, that was very thoughtful of you to get the horsey a drink of water, let's just not use the toilet!)


----------



## mimiharshe

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fallriverfox* 
Our quote from that book is "Say this pet is WET! You never yet met a pet, I bet, as wet as they let this wet pet get" when we change the girl's diaper.

what book is this?


----------



## fallriverfox

One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

(This one has a little star, This one has a little car, SAY.........

what a lot of fish there are!)


----------



## Fiestabeth

Our book of the moment is Green Eggs and Ham. Dd opens it up, "Am Sam! Am Sam! Sam a am!" And she calls it "Greens a Ham."


----------



## mimiharshe

...when you think that you will never again have peaceful showers!


----------



## Baby Makes 4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
I think I can beat that. In an intimate moment, DH tried to talk dirty but referred to his "weiner". Using that word.







Don't tell him I told.

OMG! I just choked on my tea!


----------



## Max'sMama

all this talk of IL's reminded me of something ds said to FIL a last May....

FIL was dropping off dh's bday present and to say FIL & I had a friendly relationshp would be a stretch ( this knowledge is integral for the story), so we are standing in the living room making small talk, when ds hears something that starts a monologue about penises. I attempt to ignore ds - BIG MISTAKE-









so, ds doesn't like me ignoring his monologue and decided to tell my FIL (dh's dad) about his daddy's penis saying, "My daddy has a penis, I have a penis, my daddy has a BIG penis."







Over and over. Actually emphasizing the word big. Finally I gave in and acknowledged that he was talking about my husbands penis. By this time that wasn't enough, grandpa had to acknowledge the statements too. I don't think FIL could hve gotten any redder in the face or raced to his car more quickly.


----------



## Serrendipity

...You go to climb into bed after being up all night with the child that jsut would. not. sleep. and you feel something icy-cold and _slimy_ touch the foot that you slide under the covers. Freaking out just a _little_ but mostly thinking WTF?? You turn on the small nightstand lamp, flip back the covers, and find....

The banana you thought your child ate 12 hours earlier. That they _begged_ you for. With only a few bites missing. Now all brown and snotty-textured, it has leaked it's mucusy fluids to soak though the sheets on _both_ sides, top _and_ bottom. And because your wonderful partner has rolled over and moved the covers several times, it's spread it's decayed fruity goodness around to several different areas, but somehow still managed to stay on your side of the bed in it's migration.

I cleaned the slime off with a damp paper towel as best I could, blotted the top sheet dri_er_ and threw a thick bath towel down. Adding insult to the injury, I _hate_ bananas. I really do _try_ to like them because they're so good for a healthy snack, I even manage to choke one down occasionally. But the texture really bothers me if I don't chew fast enough.

Now I've got one more reason to dislike them, though I'm not sure it's quite the same....

Serendipity


----------



## Moochie Mamma

You have clink cups together and say "cheers" about 10 times every time you pick up your cup for a drink.


----------



## mom2evan

When DS (2.5) announces loudly to the entire extended family and in-laws at a holiday gathering "I really, really liked wine when I was a little boy." (Need I mention that he's never had wine?)

When you can't find two of the six marbles that came with the ball track DS got for Christmas, and finally locate them - one in DS' ear and the other one in his nose.

When global warming means you don't have to force your toddler into his snowsuit, hat, mittens, and boots, only to then be told he wants to use the potty to pee.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2evan* 
When you can't find two of the six marbles that came with the ball track DS got for Christmas, and finally locate them - one in DS' ear and the other one in his nose.









:

Only in _our_ house ... it would be _my_ ear and nose.







:


----------



## Shanana

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2evan* 
When you can't find two of the six marbles that came with the ball track DS got for Christmas, and finally locate them - one in DS' ear and the other one in his nose.









:

One of my earliest memories is being in preschool, and shoving dried beans up my nose so I could "shoot" them at other kids (by blowing them out of my nose). Except I shoved one in too far and couldn't get it out







. I was afraid of getting in trouble, so didn't say anything. When my dad picked me up I told him, and he handed me his handkerchief and told me to blow my nose into it. Sure enough, the bean came out. As the parent of a toddler, I know now that he was probably trying really hard not to shake his head and roll his eyes







.


----------



## Nickarolaberry

....

when the police show up at your hosue because "someone" figured out how to dial 911 on the phone.









and the police tell your dh to make you come downstairs so they can make sure you're okay...and in to the front hall walks the culprit still madly pushing buttons on the phone


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nickarolaberry* 
....

when the police show up at your hosue because "someone" figured out how to dial 911 on the phone.









and the police tell your dh to make you come downstairs so they can make sure you're okay...and in to the front hall walks the culprit still madly pushing buttons on the phone









:


----------



## USAmma

When you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and sit on a padded potty ring. And still manage to pee through it.

When you brush your teeth with berry flavored kid paste by mistake.

When your child _wants_ to help with laundry. But they make such a mess you fold your laundry in secret when possible. (This trend is reversed at about age 5, when you can't get your child to help with laundry even if you pay them!)


----------



## EnviroBecca

Minkajane wrote:

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca
...when you are at work, using longitudinal data from Phase A, Phase B, etc., and each letter gets the corresponding part of Dr. Seuss's ABC stuck in your brain. (I guess this is an improvement over when I was giving birth and found myself thinking some kind of confused thing about the "Phase B push" needing a correction to its algorithm.)

What do you DO???
I'm not sure if you're asking, "What do you do when that happens?" or "What do you do at your work?" so I will answer both questions.









When I get Dr. Seuss stuck in my brain, I try to just ignore it and get on with my work. But I've found that it actually can be a helpful mnemonic if I get lost in what I'm doing: "Which phase was it that I decided was closest to the date of the homicide? Ten tired turtles in a tuttle-tuttle tree!" As for the pushing issue, rather than decipher what I meant by it, I just let myself decide that I was going to copy the Phase C algorithm and edit it for Phase B, and then after the birth was over I figured out that what I had noticed was that the second time I pushed during a contraction (nothing I had learned about birth had led me to expect to be doing multiple distinct pushes during a contraction, so when that's how it turned out, it was a bit confusing) wasn't very efficient, but the third time was really moving things along, so I needed to do the second=B push more like the third=C. But what it was that was actually different about them, I still don't know.









I work for a research study that interviewed the same people every 6 months for many years. One interview is called Phase A, the next is Phase B, etc. I'm in charge of organizing, compiling, and grooming our huge data set for other people's analyses. Another thing I do is collect information on our participants from the media, courts, etc. and code it so it corresponds to our phases so that we can see whether a guy reported increasing social isolation for 3 years before his crime spree or reported decreasing drug use for 2 years before winning his scholarship, or whatever.

The funny thing about it is that quirks of the data make certain phases more fun or more annoying to work with, and these traits attach to the letters in my mind. Last summer I found a horrible error in data entry at Phase A and had to retrieve the original interview booklets from storage and check all the answers, cursing the incompetents who started this project back when I was an innocent 8th grader...and meanwhile Dr. Seuss's ABC was required reading every night, and Aunt Annie on her alligator began to annoy and agitate me more and more! A, a, A! I could not escape!







:


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
Minkajane wrote:

I'm not sure if you're asking, "What do you do when that happens?" or "What do you do at your work?" so I will answer both questions.









When I get Dr. Seuss stuck in my brain, I try to just ignore it and get on with my work. But I've found that it actually can be a helpful mnemonic if I get lost in what I'm doing: "Which phase was it that I decided was closest to the date of the homicide? Ten tired turtles in a tuttle-tuttle tree!" As for the pushing issue, rather than decipher what I meant by it, I just let myself decide that I was going to copy the Phase C algorithm and edit it for Phase B, and then after the birth was over I figured out that what I had noticed was that the second time I pushed during a contraction (nothing I had learned about birth had led me to expect to be doing multiple distinct pushes during a contraction, so when that's how it turned out, it was a bit confusing) wasn't very efficient, but the third time was really moving things along, so I needed to do the second=B push more like the third=C. But what it was that was actually different about them, I still don't know.









I work for a research study that interviewed the same people every 6 months for many years. One interview is called Phase A, the next is Phase B, etc. I'm in charge of organizing, compiling, and grooming our huge data set for other people's analyses. Another thing I do is collect information on our participants from the media, courts, etc. and code it so it corresponds to our phases so that we can see whether a guy reported increasing social isolation for 3 years before his crime spree or reported decreasing drug use for 2 years before winning his scholarship, or whatever.

The funny thing about it is that quirks of the data make certain phases more fun or more annoying to work with, and these traits attach to the letters in my mind. Last summer I found a horrible error in data entry at Phase A and had to retrieve the original interview booklets from storage and check all the answers, cursing the incompetents who started this project back when I was an innocent 8th grader...and meanwhile Dr. Seuss's ABC was required reading every night, and Aunt Annie on her alligator began to annoy and agitate me more and more! A, a, A! I could not escape!







:









:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## angel1895

man this got knocked to the third page...

we just cant have that!!!

BUMP


----------



## 3_opihi

Ok, how about -

you know you're the parent of a toddler when you wake up with a ball of playdough stuck to your forehead.


----------



## MommaMoo

Nickarolaberry said:


> ....
> 
> when the police show up at your hosue because "someone" figured out how to dial 911 on the phone.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BTDT
> 
> You know you're the parent of a toddler when you know what it's like to poop while someone sits on your lap
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :


----------



## mimiharshe

MammaMoo....You know you're the parent of a toddler when you know what it's like to poop while someone sits on your lap







:

I seriously LOL!!!!!!!!





















I was just thinking that the other day. I don't think I ever poop in peace. I just leave the door open b/c if I don't there'll be knocks and cries on the other side! LOL.

Also when you are opening things, singing, shouting "no" turning on the water, talking and comforting while pooing!


----------



## Fiestabeth

OMG! I'm cracking up! Sofie asked to nurse while I was







.

"Mama poop on a potty. Have nana milks?"


----------



## MommaMoo

I've nursed on the potty, too. When ds is sleepy and nursing he gets quite irate if I disengage to take care of business of my own.
Oh yeah, the pounding and cries...this used to really bother dp, who would have to sneak away to use the bathroom to avoid the fits. Now he just lets ds come in with him. It's really amazing how every piece of private time is obliterated when you've got a toddler.


----------



## linguistmama

When you tell your toddler to come and watch you pee or poop because you are trying to do potty learning and want to help her make the connection!

When your toddler asks for Kix and you tell her she can't have any more till she eats what she left on the floor yesterday! (for me this presupposes that the floor is pretty clean and the cereal is still dry.)


----------



## monkaha

When you don't bat an eye when taking your toddler back into the library after an accident (we're PL) wearing only panties, sneakers, and big sister's sweater. It's funny how many knowing smiles I got from the other moms there.

I don't know how many times I've announced to my co-workers "I'm going potty now!" For some reason, they're never as interested as my kids are when I say the same thing at home!


----------



## pookel

When you know instantly whether "no" means no, snow, or nose, and forget that other adults can't translate as well as you can.

When you stop and ask yourself, before doing anything that looks cool or funny, whether you're willing to do it again at least five times and possibly as many as 100.

When you instinctively spell out certain words, like C-A-N-D-Y, or refer to things obliquely ("do you want to go get that thing from the other floor of the house, the one that starts with a B?").


----------



## guestmama9911

When you wake up at 3:00 am to use the potty, and your sleepy toddler follows you out with an empty ice tray.

Where did that ice tray come from????


----------



## JustVanessa

When you find Annie's cheddar bunnies in your underwear drawer.
When you find pasta stuck to the ceiling in your bedroom.
When you are being intimate with your partner and your childs push toy announces "Lets go for a Ride" out of the blue.








this is fun.


----------



## Shanana

When you need something from the refrigerator, you open it just far enough to fit your arm and head in and no farther, or else every condiment in the door will be removed by your little "helper". When you stand up, you whack your head on the freezer handle







:.


----------



## shishkeberry

Quote:

When you can catch vomit in one hand and continue to eat
Oh, so true!


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
When you need something from the refrigerator, you open it just far enough to fit your arm and head in and no farther, or else every condiment in the door will be removed by your little "helper". When you stand up, you whack your head on the freezer handle







:.

I've done that twice now! Hard enough to leave a bump and a bruise...


----------



## Fiestabeth

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustVanessa* 
When you are being intimate with your partner and your childs push toy announces "Lets go for a Ride" out of the blue.









: laughup

That's a good one!


----------



## DucetteMama21842

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 
When you know instantly whether "no" means no, snow, or nose, and forget that other adults can't translate as well as you can.

When you stop and ask yourself, before doing anything that looks cool or funny, whether you're willing to do it again at least five times and possibly as many as 100.

When you instinctively spell out certain words, like C-A-N-D-Y, or refer to things obliquely ("do you want to go get that thing from the other floor of the house, the one that starts with a B?").

YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## Dreaming

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustVanessa* 
When you are being intimate with your partner and your childs push toy announces "Lets go for a Ride" out of the blue.

we have a toy that belts out "it's learning time!" at moments like that (and the middle of the night whilst we are all asleep).


----------



## Starr

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dreaming* 
we have a toy that belts out "it's learning time!" at moments like that (and the middle of the night whilst we are all asleep).

We have the same toy, ours does that too







That and "Blue ear"


----------



## peaceful_mama

.....you find yourself translating what a "hepacocker" is

(come on, you can guess....)


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zakers_mama* 
.....you find yourself translating what a "hepacocker" is

(come on, you can guess....)

Well I can think of a lot of things it _might_ be







... but I'm reasonably sure that what it _does_ mean is:
Warning :: Spoiler Ahead! Highlight to read message!

helicopter

(I spoiled so as not to take the fun out of others guessing







)


----------



## Autumn Breeze

Your 16 month old asks you to put her hair up (by handing you her hair clip and pointing to her head)

You pull up said hair.

And she proceeds to play with the little ponytail and then come back up to your lap so you can "fix it" every 5 minutes. Or every 30 seconds.

It's really cute though


----------



## Literate

... when you go into the changing room at Marshalls and take the cute bunny fingerpuppet out of your bra.

... when you sing "Doing the Potty Dance! she's a big girl now!" and burst into tears. She's a big girl now! wah!

My friend's daughter (just over 2 years old) praises her mom when the mom pees in a public restroom. "Good girl, Momma! You pee in the potty!" which cracks up everyone in the room, of course.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Literate* 
My friend's daughter (just over 2 years old) praises her mom when the mom pees in a public restroom. "Good girl, Momma! You pee in the potty!" which cracks up everyone in the room, of course.


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

I use a Diva Cup for AF, but one month she arrived before I had a chance to boil my cup and I used a tampon. DD (about 17 months at the time) came into the bathroom as I was removing the tampon, and she said to me, "Good job, mama! You made a poo poo!"


----------



## Shanana

When you bring your 2.5-ish year old with you to your annual pap smear, and that night she tells dh that they put sticks in your butt. (This actually happened to my friend, but I had to share.







)


----------



## momz3

(don't know if this has already been said or not)

When your PURSE is full of graham crackers, books, wipes, pullups and crayons.


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

...When you lay down on the table at the chiropractor and your fly is open on your jeans because DD was playing with your *swipper* before you left the house (and you forgot to zip it back up).


----------



## guestmama9911

...When your toddler wanders away from you during Sunday School with one toy and comes back to you with an entirely different toy (and this is an adult class).


----------



## Sierra

When, for the first time, your child tries "cutting" his own hair (he now has a mohawk, but the sides are totally shaved off due to the extent of the "damage" to his beautiful locks).

...Don't even get me started on the lengths he went to in order to do this...


----------



## Max'sMama

...when your toddler wakes you up at 5:30 AM cause the sun is up and it's sledding time (first snow of the season!)







: .... and you are actually tempted to get out of bed to sled but change your mind when you realize the 6 month old would FREAK OUT if you unlatched for anything but a SERIOUS emergency.


----------



## Destinye

When you are singing along loudly to nursery rhymes in the car - but you are the only one awake in the car...


----------



## Reikagoth

YKYTPOATW:

You were ecstatic to find the 'lock front' setting on the remote control! No more on/off during DBF's Madden time!

When you use a dog leash to 'lock' your fridge by wrapping it around the cooling element in the back, and around the handle in the front... and you like it that way, even if you can't sneak food out without DC noticing!

When you walk into the living room only to find DC with a bottle of nail polish, painting the end table ____ color... and MUST walk out of the room to laugh without DC seeing you...

When you've used nail polish remover (watered down slightly) on little knees.

When you absolutely MUST CHECK the diaper bag 15 times before leaving the house.... and then hunt down your wallet, keys, diapers, wipes, toys, juice, snacks, blankies, extra socks, etc 16 times before leaving.

When you learn to 'lock' the ferret cage... after finding both ferrets napping in the dryer, after interrogating DC about their whereabouts.

When you realize you haven't bathed or showered in DAYS, and haven't shaved legs, pitts, etc... in lord knows how long...







:

When your DBF refers to his work belt as the 'beltway' while DC rolls his cars all over it. (JUST HAPPENED!)







God, I love him!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

... when "containment" is no longer a Cold War era policy but actually becomes your parenting policy of choice.

(Meaning you try to "contain" the problem/mess/whatever so that it doesn't spread to other rooms... yeah right


----------



## boingo82

You have a backseat driver yelling "GREEN GO!" and "RED STOP!", and anytime you hit the brakes, "WHOA GOSH!!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
You have a backseat driver yelling "GREEN GO!" and "RED STOP!", and anytime you hit the brakes, "WHOA GOSH!!"









:


----------



## lalaland42

When someone points out you have peanut butter smeared on the front of your shirt and you just shrug.

Ok, maybe I'm just a slob.


----------



## Fiestabeth

When "I want" means both "want" and "don't want."







:

Yesterday we pulled into the museum parking lot -

Sofia: "I wanna go a zeeum!"
Me: "You wanna go to the museum?"
Sofia: "NO!"


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
You have a backseat driver yelling "GREEN GO!" and "RED STOP!", and anytime you hit the brakes, "WHOA GOSH!!"

I also get *Slow down* while turning corners!


----------



## oceanbaby

When you haven't had a phone message in two weeks because his new favorite thing is to turn the answering machine off every chance he gets.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *oceanbaby* 
When you haven't had a phone message in two weeks because his new favorite thing is to turn the answering machine off every chance he gets.

I personally don't see a problem with that. A message on the answering machine is just someone you have to call back.


----------



## Nickarolaberry

When your toddler, who was dressed 5 minutes ago, appears in the kitchen completely naked from the waist down and laughing like a hyena on speed. I still cannot find his pants or socks.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nickarolaberry* 
When your toddler, who was dressed 5 minutes ago, appears in the kitchen completely naked from the waist down and laughing like a hyena on speed. I still cannot find his pants or socks.









:














:


----------



## angel1895

bumpity bump...

they should make this thread a sticky


----------



## JustVanessa

When you run out of catfood b/c your toddler thinks feeding the cat is the most fun thing in the world. I think the cat has gained 4 pounds this month.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustVanessa* 
When you run out of catfood b/c your toddler thinks feeding the cat is the most fun thing in the world. I think the cat has gained 4 pounds this month.

That's something we know all too well in this home. I think the dog's starting to get a pudge as well.


----------



## Brigianna

When you've developed a talent for the guessing game "What's Making the Floor Sticky?"

When you're used to carrying a toy in your mouth at all times.

When you recognize that sounds that would be intensely painful for any other human are, in fact, music to toddlers, and after a few weeks, you find yourself humming along to the yell-bang-jangle chorus.

When the "30 second rule" (that food is still good if it's picked up within 30 seconds of falling on the floor) is extended into the "30 day rule."


----------



## Nickarolaberry

When, while visiting your parents, their dishwasher mysteriously runs for 7 hours straight because "someone" apparently played with the buttons.







:

Talk about a water bill!


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brigianna* 
When the "30 second rule" (that food is still good if it's picked up within 30 seconds of falling on the floor) is extended into the "30 day rule."









:







:







:


----------



## jellop

. . . when you're in a public restroom, there's people in line, and Ds asks loudly while you're on the toilet, "Are you going poop or pee?", and feels obligated to tell everyone else in the restroom, "Mommy just has to go pee this time."

. . . peanut butter sandwiches and cookies are commonly found in the VCR

. . . your 3 yr old tells you he helped clean the bathroom. While you're brushing your teeth. How helpful. You find out he cleaned the toilet with your toothbrush. Lovely.

. . . you wonder if they are going to yank their peepees off

. . . you are sad the day they learn how to open a door

This is too fun. Love this thread, and I'll be back.


----------



## sincitymama

'No me wopawate!' is heard many many times per day
(translation-mommy my dearest, I really don't feel like cooperating right now. thanks for the suggestion though, I appreciate it, along with everything else you do for me)

he wants a snack, I htink nothing of telling him 'those goldfish crackers you spilled next to the couch last week are still on the floor, why don't you eat those up'







:

And the fab result of a daddy with type 1 diabetes is that your toddler has seen him have a fair number of low blood sugars. Daddy NEEDS sugar at those moments. Thus, sugar=medicine. Logical enough, if you're 3. Daddy gets very sick, eats something sweet, not sick anymore.
'my throat hurts, I need chocolate'
'my foot hurts, I need chocolate'
'me hurt mine toe. me need cookie'
'me sick. chocolate!'
mommy-







:

Oh, the backseat driving. 'Nice bump mommy!' at every speedbump, pothole, pebble, etc...
And around any curve or when accelerating 'wheeeeeee! woohoo! yeehaw!'


----------



## Serrendipity

Whenever we go someplace as a family (and not on the bus), little DD very loudly and rather monotonely goes, "_Beeeeeeeeee_!" "_Beeeeeeee_!" "_Beeeeeeeee_!" You know. Cause when something's _fun_, you say, "_Beee_!" (Whee), right?







She also does the same thing when she'd rocking on this stuffed dog rocking-horse thing we have, which is about her favorite thing to do in this world.

Other times, she'll be wandering around, going, "_Beeee_! _Beee_!" Only I know without even looking at her, just from the completely forlorn, angsty tone of voice that she's looking for her lost "B" (pacifier, shortened from "binky"), calling for it like it's a dog that ran away and will come back to her at any moment. She really does sound like someone who lost her only friend, poor thing! Since I try to keep tabs on where she last was playing, I can usually find it in a few minutes. And when she gets it back, it's like the sun came out, and she's so ridiculously happy again.

And the thing that _really_ makes me the momma of a toddler in all this, is that _I know the difference just by the tone of her voice_.









I love the hilarious little people we share our lives with!









Serendipity


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sincitymama* 
And the fab result of a daddy with type 1 diabetes is that your toddler has seen him have a fair number of low blood sugars. Daddy NEEDS sugar at those moments. Thus, sugar=medicine. Logical enough, if you're 3. Daddy gets very sick, eats something sweet, not sick anymore.
'my throat hurts, I need chocolate'
'my foot hurts, I need chocolate'
'me hurt mine toe. me need cookie'
'me sick. chocolate!'
mommy-







:









:


----------



## rulebreaker

... when you find yourself eating with a little spoon that changes color when its get hot.


----------



## monkaha

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rulebreaker* 
... when you find yourself eating with a little spoon that changes color when its get hot.

Those spoons are great for yogurt-perfect for getting the last little bit out of the corner of the little cup.







:


----------



## Shanana

When you walk into the bathroom and find your little one with her arm shoved up to her armpit into the bathroom drawer ... you know ... the tiny crack it will open before it's stopped by the childproofing lock? So now all the contents of your drawers are pushed as far back as they'll go, and yet she still manages to pull things out, and you find her walking around with tampons, pregnancy tests (used














, combs, hair clips, packets of advil (







), nail clippers, toothbrushes, etc. We keep the door to the bathroom closed now, but she always runs in when I go in there and starts rummaging around







:.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
When you walk into the bathroom and find your little one with her arm shoved up to her armpit into the bathroom drawer ... you know ... the tiny crack it will open before it's stopped by the childproofing lock? So now all the contents of your drawers are pushed as far back as they'll go, and yet she still manages to pull things out, and you find her walking around with tampons, pregnancy tests (used














, combs, hair clips, packets of advil (







), nail clippers, toothbrushes, etc. We keep the door to the bathroom closed now, but she always runs in when I go in there and starts rummaging around







:.

Know exactly what you're going through ... our DS seems to think that we're hiding snacks in the tampon drawer


----------



## Nickarolaberry

When your nursing toddler is trying to settle down to sleep and rolling this way and that, and finally in an attempt to get him to JUST GO TO SLEEP you pull up your shirt to nurse (one more time) and he says YEAH MOMMA!!!


----------



## clavicula

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Serrendipity* 
And the thing that really makes me the momma of a toddler in all this, is that _I know the difference just by the tone of her voice_.








I love the hilarious little people we share our lives with!
Serendipity

sooooooo true!!!


----------



## clavicula

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zmom* 
... when you announce to other adults that you'll be right back after you go to the potty.









laughup


----------



## Qestia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Brigianna* 
When the "30 second rule" (that food is still good if it's picked up within 30 seconds of falling on the floor) is extended into the "30 day rule."

or even longer if the food was dropped in the car and hey, it's winter right? so it's like it's been in the fridge!


----------



## CeciMami

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
When you walk into the bathroom and find your little one with her arm shoved up to her armpit into the bathroom drawer ... you know ... the tiny crack it will open before it's stopped by the childproofing lock? So now all the contents of your drawers are pushed as far back as they'll go, and yet she still manages to pull things out, and you find her walking around with tampons, pregnancy tests (used














, combs, hair clips, packets of advil (







), nail clippers, toothbrushes, etc. We keep the door to the bathroom closed now, but she always runs in when I go in there and starts rummaging around







:.

This same thing happened to me tonight!







I'm going to post tonights blog here...hope y'all don't mind!:

1. Chasing (on my knees) DS all over the bathroom trying to put lotion on him after his bath and then having to put his diaper on while he's standing because he won't lay down. All the while he is trying his hardest to open all the drawers and reach whatever forbidden object lurks within...

2. He sucessfully gets my eyelash curler out of my drawer, and makes a beeline for the toilet, I (with cat-like reflexes) leap towards him, my hands covered in lotion, aiming for my beloved curler, reaching for it as he lifts the lid and...in slow motion...end over end...plunk!...it lands in the bottom of the bowl...*sigh* I fish it out, point at the toilet and explain for the umpteenth time that only poop and pee and toilet paper and diapers go into the potty (we use gdiapers)...he laughs and cares not.

3. Crawling into bed, he finds his lovey, and his stuffed Dumbo, and let's out a blood curdling scream (120 DB I swear) and then says, "Moooooooooo!" at the top of his lungs. Having gotten that out of his system, he nurses and goes to sleep.

This is the weirdest child I have ever had the pleasure of loving with all my heart.


----------



## Serrendipity

...You're sitting at your computer trying to get a little time in at MDC, and you hear your toddler yelling, "Get down!" at the top of her lungs. So you get up to see what all the fuss is about...

...And find her saying it _to herself_ as she climbs the book case (which is not in any danger of tipping over, so you know) that you always tell her not to climb. She says it now whenever she climbs up on anything, even the the couch which she is allowed to get up on. At least she's got the general idea... right?









Serendipity


----------



## mamagoose

....bringing 2 plastic dinosaurs into the grocery store, bank, post office, etc. is as automatic as bringing your purse... after all, it's easier to let ds take them everywhere than it is to make him leave them in the car and listen to the heart-broken wailing of "Mommy NOOOO!! Dinos!! DIIIII-NOOOOS!!!"


----------



## lalaland42

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
or even longer if the food was dropped in the car and hey, it's winter right? so it's like it's been in the fridge!









Those thoughts have occurred to me too.

The highlight of your day is someone going peepee in the potty. (For the first time!)


----------



## boingo82

When you have witnessed a human sleep mostly standing, leaning against the couch or bed.


----------



## DreamsInDigital

You can recite "Love You Forever" by heart.

But it still makes you cry.


----------



## JustVanessa

When you come home and realize you just worked a 12 hour shift with yogurt in your shoe, and now your shoes stink REALLY REALLY bad.


----------



## angel1895

bump


----------



## boingo82

When you had to listen to a 20 minute screaming fit this morning because Ice Cream was not for breakfast.


----------



## AEZMama

When you don't clean until AFTER bedtime.

You don't wonder why there are tiny pieces of paper everywhere.

When you find yourself thanking dc for helping to put his/her clothes away...when they actually have cleared out their drawers and you can't see the floor of their room.

When you have the 3 major books in their life memorized so when they need soothing, you can "read" it whenever they need it (did this on a 7 hour car ride).

When you let them do your hair...no matter how much it hurts.

You don't keep toilet paper on the holder anymore.

Nothing is better in life than a round of Itsy Bitsy Spider.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AEZMama* 
You don't keep toilet paper on the holder anymore.

Ain't it the truth.


----------



## fenwickmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AEZMama* 
Nothing is better in life than a round of Itsy Bitsy Spider.


----------



## iamama

You physically catch puke, with cat-like reflexes.


----------



## Brigianna

When your husband calls you from work and asks you about your day, and you say, with no irony, "well, I'm cleaning up some poop and some spit-up right now, but things are okay," and he responds, also with no irony, "oh, that's good."


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when you tell the bus driver who is already stopping at your stop, "Wait a sec, my son has to pull the cord!" (He knows we pull the Stop Request cord when we're getting to our stop, and he HAS to pull it even if someone else already did or the driver is stopping anyway.)

...when you're on the way into childcare in the morning hoping that they'll have something rockin' on the CD player so you can satisfy your child's demand, "Dance, Mama!" with sufficient enthusiasm to get out of there and get to work on time.

...when the above goal is thwarted by 4 toddlers in addition to your own clutching your fingers and dancing with you.






























...when you hear, "Where your keys, Mama?" every time you go anywhere, because you lost your key ring last week and your child wants to make sure it doesn't happen again.

...when you awaken at 5 am to a voice distinctly saying, "Tsk! Unstable!" and dimly see a small person rearranging items on the bedside table and catch the lamp before you even sit up.


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you awaken at 5 am to a voice distinctly saying, "Tsk! Unstable!" and dimly see a small person rearranging items on the bedside table and catch the lamp before you even sit up.

That's adorable.


----------



## Daniel's Kitty

When your midwife comes for the home visit and you can carry on a conversation and grab the ankle of the little boy who just decided to head dive off of the loveseat without messing up the conversation to much.


----------



## Leilalu

When you go to other people's homes and start childproofing


----------



## Autumn Breeze

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Leilalu* 
When you go to other people's homes and start childproofing









I've been doing that at my MIL's house for the last 4 years.

And we lived there for 6 months of that time.







:


----------



## pookel

When you discover that you instinctively respond appropriately to *other people's toddlers* in public places, and can understand what they're trying to say to you.

When you catch yourself talking to yourself in the third person even when you're completely alone, e.g. "mama's going to get a snack now."







:


----------



## AEZMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *iamama* 
You physically catch puke, with cat-like reflexes.

I'm glad I'm not the only one!!!


----------



## guestmama9911

you hear your DH yell out "no, don't scratch your butt with your toothbrush!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
you hear your DH yell out "no, don't scratch your butt with your toothbrush!"

I did. I did yell that last night.







:


----------



## boingo82

When the biggest number in existence is "10".


----------



## pookel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
you hear your DH yell out "no, don't scratch your butt with your toothbrush!"

... and you don't think there's anything odd about it.


----------



## andisunshine

...a toot brings smiles and clapping with a finger pointing at your butt.

..."Don't hit!" needs to be followed up with "It's not funny!"

...you try to nap with a blanket over your head to avoid eye-poking and saliva but it doesn't stop someone from climbing all over you.


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when you hear yourself saying, "Soap is not for licking.... Soap is not for licking.... Well, if you're going to lick the soap, don't wipe off your tongue on my sweater!!!" during CHURCH. (He just HAD to bring his favorite bar of soap!)

...when there is a horribly mangled Little Debbie chocolate marshmallow thing in a fully intact wrapper on top of your refrigerator, because a well-meaning friend gave it to your child when your back was turned, and you refused to open it because your child had just eaten a piece of cake with frosting, but you were unable to pry it from his hands until naptime and now have to save it in case your child's first words upon awakening are, "Mama, where my squishy cake?" (They were. After hearing further firm statements about not being allowed to eat it until tomorrow, he wanted it put back on top of the fridge. Next evening, he requested several healthy foods and ate large quantities, then said, "Eat squishy cake now please." I was glad I had saved it.)

...when you find your dining table littered with sheets of paper bearing repetitive little sketches and can tell at a glance that your child must have commanded, "Daddy, draw too many Double Cats."


----------



## Serrendipity

When nursing your toddler is still a beautiful thing...

...Only now it more closely resembles some kind of bizzare performance art as they try to hang upside-down over the back of the couch, or stand up in your lap while, and at the same time, still latched on, and possibly attempt a sommersault or two. And you say, yet again, "My nipple is NOT made of taffy! Quit _pulling_ it!"

Serendipity


----------



## Serrendipity

When you've had to say, more than once, "My sleeve is not a for blowing your nose on Hon," (And you still wore that shirt the rest of the day.
















Serendipity


----------



## mimim

When you have to change your pants because someone colored on your butt with a brown marker while you were making breakfast.

When you have to change the diapers of a least four baby dolls at least once every day and rewrap them in their blankies and kiss them just as often.


----------



## mimim

When a tiny spider crawling on the floor elicits the statement "look mama, it's a rat!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you hear yourself saying, "Soap is not for licking.... Soap is not for licking.... Well, if you're going to lick the soap, don't wipe off your tongue on my sweater!!!" during CHURCH. (He just HAD to bring his favorite bar of soap!)

...when there is a horribly mangled Little Debbie chocolate marshmallow thing in a fully intact wrapper on top of your refrigerator, because a well-meaning friend gave it to your child when your back was turned, and you refused to open it because your child had just eaten a piece of cake with frosting, but you were unable to pry it from his hands until naptime and now have to save it in case your child's first words upon awakening are, "Mama, where my squishy cake?" (They were. After hearing further firm statements about not being allowed to eat it until tomorrow, he wanted it put back on top of the fridge. Next evening, he requested several healthy foods and ate large quantities, then said, "Eat squishy cake now please." I was glad I had saved it.)

Favorite bar of soap at church is







but "squishy cake" just slays me!







:


----------



## jellop

. . . running up and down the hallways yelling, "choo-choo", pretending to be a train, NEVER gets old.

. . . hiding under the blankets from monsters, passing vehicles, or other people is another grand game - we can play this game for hours

. . . whenever you see the cat come out of hiding, you worry - where did my child go?

. . . you suddenly REMEMBER you have a cat, because you haven't seen her in weeks - she's always hiding from the kids!

. . . running to WalMart in your pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and messed up hair doesn't faze or worry you anymore.


----------



## mykidsmyworld

OMG these are all so hysterical and so true!!!





































:


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jellop* 
. . . whenever you see the cat come out of hiding, you worry - where did my child go?

. . . you suddenly REMEMBER you have a cat, because you haven't seen her in weeks - she's always hiding from the kids!.

Hahaahahahahahahahahaha! Oh







: Our poor kitties.


----------



## DesertFlower

you use toddler-ise words with grown-ups, out of habbit (such as, in my family's case, shashee for hat, adou for all done, dodo for I'm going to bed)


----------



## moppity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elfine* 
you use toddler-ise words with grown-ups, out of habbit (such as, in my family's case, shashee for hat, adou for all done, dodo for I'm going to be)









we were just talking about this the other day, apparantly it should include 'you know you're the aunt of a toddler when...' because at work my sister says no thanks to dip dip (tomato sauce) and asked her workmate if she could borrow some stick stick (glue) (luckily we have known her workmate since we were all toddlers outselves).


----------



## Qestia

every night bedtime your toddler reminds you of Steve Martin in that scene in "The Jerk"--

"All I need is this penguin. All I need is this penguin and this broom. All I need is this penguin and this broom and this dustpan."

Ok, you have to have seen the movie, but if you have, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.





 fast forward to minute 1:45 and you will see how my toddler gets ready for bed each night.


----------



## katydid317

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cujobunny* 
....you find dinky cars in your purse, pocket, knapsack, shoes......

This one is my fave so far! I have ALWAYS got little cars everywhere. I also find myself carrying around things like diapers and sippy cups in my backpack so that when I'm in class I have to take all that stuff out to get out my notebook and I end up getting strange looks from other students.

Kate
single university student mama to Owen (Sept. 5 /04)


----------



## Max'sMama

YKYPT when....during your toddler's bedtime routine, you are unfazed when you see your spouse 'shoo' all the tigers, dragons, lions and scary creatures out of the bedroom after your child and said scary creatures have heard the bedtime books.

....when, after one particularly difficult night, the dinosaurs and dragons and lions and scary creatures 'go south' for the winter


----------



## brandimn6217

Mine is just starting to walk but here are the ones I already have:

YKYtPofTW:

-In the space of about 3 seconds you think "WOW! He learned how to open a door!" and then







"SH**! He learned how to open a door!"

-When your DC tries to rip your shirt off in public to get to the "booby."







:

-When you somehow find food particles that have ended up not only inside his onesie and pants but also his diaper!









-When you repeatedly say, "Don't feed the dog your food!" and "Get your hand out of the dog's water!"







:

-When the last time you wore a necklace, it got RIPPED off of you in the middle a wedding and then the screaming started.









-When you go through the house shutting every single No Dylan Allowed door every morning bc DH not only works at night but he is also quite oblivous.







:

-When the babysitter knows the importance of "The Shirt"

I'm sure I will have more soon....


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brandimn6217* 
-When you repeatedly say, "Don't feed the dog your food!" and "Get your hand out of the dog's water!"







:









:
















That is a daily occurance in our home. A _daily_. occurance.


----------



## 4tsomething

You have endless conversations, often in public, about who has a "woolva" and who has a "peanups" (translations - vulva or penis...)







:


----------



## Serrendipity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
You have endless conversations, often in public, about who has a "woolva" and who has a "peanups" (translations - vulva or penis...)







:

Totally off topic, but I really, really hate the word 'vulva' (we call it a yoni, and if we need a more scientific aproach then it will be labia and vagina).

But even so - that is too cute!









Serendipity


----------



## 4tsomething

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Serrendipity* 
Totally off topic, but I really, really hate the word 'vulva' (we call it a yoni, and if we need a more scientific aproach then it will be labia and vagina).

I know what you mean - DH is not crazy about "vulva" but he does think dd's current pronunciation of it is cute! I like yoni better as well, we may end up teaching her all of the above options and let her call it what she likes!!


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

E calls it a 'gina...


----------



## verde

YKYTPOAT when:

You hear your husband reciting a poem at his workbench and you realize he's reciting "Goodnight Moon."


----------



## minkajane

You hear insane giggling and "phwooh" sounds and realize that your toddler has just spent ten minutes blowing a feather around the room and are eternally grateful for the chance it gave you to eat lunch.

This is happening to me as we speak!


----------



## spughy

You find Veggie Booty embedded in your cat's fur.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *minkajane* 
You hear insane giggling and "phwooh" sounds and realize that your toddler has just spent ten minutes blowing a feather around the room and are eternally grateful for the chance it gave you to eat lunch.

This is happening to me as we speak!









That is so cute I can barely stand it.


----------



## AEZMama

...when any stray piece of paper left within toddler arms reach is magically transformed into a confetti like material all over your floor.

...when you find said 'confetti' for days after you thought you got them all.

...you find that your dc's name is often followed by "NO!" or "YOu can't do that because..."


----------



## moppity

One from last night...

...you say "please finish your food before you stand on your head" and it sounds like a perfectly normal thing to say.


----------



## living_organic

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 

When you instinctively spell out certain words, like C-A-N-D-Y, or refer to things obliquely ("do you want to go get that thing from the other floor of the house, the one that starts with a B?").

I try this with DH but now have to add that I am not playing a game where he guesses what I'm spelling!!!

Me-"Do you want me to buy I-C-E C-R-E-A-M-E
DH- ..."Ice Cream? Sure"
DD--, " Ima Ceem!!! Ima Ceem!!! Want Ima Ceem!!!"
DH-- "Oh, that's why you spelled it!"

Everytime!!!! Unless I say DON'T Say it!


----------



## emikey

when you unload the dishwasher and find rubber duckies in it.

when all the toothbrushes in the house go missing

when you think it is totally reasonable (and you have no choice but) to eat a bite of mushy bagel that your 14mo has insisted on jamming into your mouth with his whole hand. and "I'm still chewing the last bite" is no excuse.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emikey* 
when you think it is totally reasonable (and you have no choice but) to eat a bite of mushy bagel that your 14mo has insisted on jamming into your mouth with his whole hand. and "I'm still chewing the last bite" is no excuse.









:


----------



## nudnik

...When you start having to be REALLY careful with what you say because your little parrot is not very selective with the words he chooses to repeat.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nudnik* 
...When you start having to be REALLY careful with what you say because your little parrot is not very selective with the words he chooses to repeat.

Not only _say_, but _do_ as well. Showering with DW is a little awkward when tiny hands pull the shower curtain open.







:


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nudnik* 
...When you start having to be REALLY careful with what you say because your little parrot is not very selective with the words he chooses to repeat.

Oh my yes.

I know exactly when / why DH lets loose, because every time the phone rings, DS goes "oh sh**! Oh f***!"


----------



## Shanana

Quote:


Originally Posted by *emikey* 
when you think it is totally reasonable (and you have no choice but) to eat a bite of mushy bagel that your 14mo has insisted on jamming into your mouth with his whole hand. and "I'm still chewing the last bite" is no excuse.

DH and I are constantly eating dd's semi-masticated, spit out food







:. Also the stuff she throws on the floor and leaves on the plate. If we didn't, I think our grocery bill would double







.


----------



## ashleylesh

.....you leave the room to get dressed and come back to the kitchen to find your son in a sea of aluminum foil.
.....clean up the same spilled bag of chocolate chips twice. Once when your toddler whips the bag around sending chips everywhere in the room and once when he pulls the bag (that you dumbly put the chips back into while picking them up) out of the trash.


----------



## linguistmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
DH and I are constantly eating dd's semi-masticated, spit out food







:. Also the stuff she throws on the floor and leaves on the plate. If we didn't, I think our grocery bill would double







.

Yeah, if I didn't there would be so much wasted food. Its nice to know I'm not alone!


----------



## operamommy

You find yourself on the toilet, trying to go to the bathroom, while your toddler combs your hair.


----------



## traceetrek

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
You find yourself on the toilet, trying to go to the bathroom, while your toddler combs your hair.

or blows raspberries on your naked hip!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *traceetrek* 
or blows raspberries on your naked hip!

Or places his *ice cold* hands on your thighs.


----------



## 4tsomething

As long as we're on the toileting topic...you can't flush the toilet without a chorus of "bye-bye poops" or "bye-bye tee-tees"!!!


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when you are sitting at the breakfast table looking at the NEW! items in the plant catalog and remark to yourself, "Hmm, a pillar barberry," and your child suddenly leaps from his chair and runs to summon his father from another room, shrieking, "Daddy! A pillar barberry coming! It eat mine O's!"


----------



## Shanana

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
You find yourself on the toilet, trying to go to the bathroom, while your toddler combs your hair.

Or is standing in front of you, errr ... nursing.








(We need a "sitting on the toilet nursing" smiley







)


----------



## Serrendipity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you are sitting at the breakfast table looking at the NEW! items in the plant catalog and remark to yourself, "Hmm, a pillar barberry," and your child suddenly leaps from his chair and runs to summon his father from another room, shrieking, "Daddy! A pillar barberry coming! It eat mine O's!"









OMG Becca! Your kid cracks me up!









And my own:

When it's useless to buy pop-up style wipes for convinience since half the package just ends up being pulled out and wadded back up randomly anyway. Sigh.

Serendipity


----------



## NC_Mama

When you realize that your child has rearranged your dvd's all onto the floor instead of in the drawer where they belong.


----------



## Dreaming

...when the first 10 feet of toilet paper has been rewound haphazardly back onto the roll because it was found in a pile on the floor. Again.

...when you scan the floor in every room for choking hazards.

...when the floor is covered in Cheerios despite the fact that you swept it 2 hours ago.

...when your spatulas are used for ball rackets, oars, and guitars.

...when a box of tissues = 15 minutes of entertainment.

...when you haven't seen the floor of the backseat of the car since who knows when. It's too covered in shoes, socks, jackets, hats, toys, snacks and random objects like the extra garage door opener (to keep the natives happy in traffic).


----------



## pookel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you are sitting at the breakfast table looking at the NEW! items in the plant catalog and remark to yourself, "Hmm, a pillar barberry," and your child suddenly leaps from his chair and runs to summon his father from another room, shrieking, "Daddy! A pillar barberry coming! It eat mine O's!"









I think all toddlers are funny, but yours sounds more entertaining than average.


----------



## Codi's Mama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dreaming* 
...when you haven't seen the floor of the backseat of the car since who knows when. It's too covered in shoes, socks, jackets, hats, toys, snacks and random objects like the extra garage door opener (to keep the natives happy in traffic).


----------



## operamommy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
Or is standing in front of you, errr ... nursing.








(We need a "sitting on the toilet nursing" smiley







)


Ok, you deserve a medal for that one.


----------



## CalebsMama05

:


----------



## CalebsMama05

hearing "oh s**t" from the bathroom is commonplace and kind of funny.

"mommy" means EVERYTHING "daddy" means daddy (of course!)


----------



## guestmama9911

...your son and DH are playing with an animal puzzle and the bed and your husband (the adult, not the child) yells out "If you put a duck and pig together and cook them, you'd have a DORK!"


----------



## linguistmama




----------



## operamommy

...when your naked toddler poops on the floor, and instead of using a rag, paper towel, etc. to pick it up, you just scoop it up with your hands.








Dh did this the other night.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *operamommy* 
...when your naked toddler poops on the floor, and instead of using a rag, paper towel, etc. to pick it up, you just scoop it up with your hands.








Dh did this the other night.

uke Couldn't do it







:


----------



## jaimelynn

He finally poos in the potty and you immediately start calling friends and family to let them know it finally happened.


----------



## pookel

You find blocks, toy cars, and other miscellaneous hard objects in your bed at night, because your non-cuddly toddler insisted on holding them for comfort last time he went to sleep.

You are so used to this behavior that you find yourself suggesting things like "why don't we take the red blocks to bed?" in convincing him to go to sleep.

You know the instant you suggest taking red blocks to bed that it was a mistake, because there are about 20 red blocks in the set and he must have ALL the blocks of one color together. There are only 3 orange blocks. You should have stuck to orange.


----------



## brandimn6217

You can proudly tell people that he walks like a drunken dwarf... imagine "Willow" meets Jack Daniels...

You understand what EVERY variation on "UNH UNH" means...

You don't et embarrassed when your shirt is in the process of being ripped off in public.

You go out just so you don't have to pick the food up off the floor. Or you teach your dog to "vacuum" after the baby...

Your family thinks the baby eats non-stop...

2 hour naps are cause for concern...

You cry when the baby has to sit in the forward facing car seat... and then have to turn around and smile at them all the time bc they are just so cute watching all the cars go by....

You have to buy a new carrier so you can carry them piggy back just so you can clean the house...

You spend $100s on baby toys only to discover they like the laundry basket better...

Your husband shows you every poopy diaper just so you can be grossed out too...


----------



## greenmansions

YKYTPOAT when your definition of "getting lucky" now means your DC slept for at least 2 hours without waking.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *greenmansions* 
YKYTPOAT when your definition of "getting lucky" now means your DC slept for at least 2 hours without waking.

Along those lines ... YKYTPoaT when animal noises made in bed are because DS has all his animals in the bed and not because ... well ... you get the idea ...


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
Along those lines ... YKYTPoaT when animal noises made in bed are because DS has all his animals in the bed and not because ... well ... you get the idea ...

We have a giant schleich collection too. DS is crazy about them! I love that they're anatomically correct and not cartoony.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
We have a giant schleich collection too. DS is crazy about them! I love that they're anatomically correct and not cartoony.

Not to get off topic, but we just had an online order of five new ones arrive today (bringing DS's grand total to 33): an okapi, the female giraffe, a guinea pig, the sea lion and the female orangutan.

He's got the Indian elephant family (male, female and calf), the lion family (male, female and cub), great white shark, hippo, white rhino, zebra and foal, white tigress and cub, chimpanzee family (male, female and baby), panda and 2 cubs, holstein calf, bison, moose, kangaroo, siberian tiger, grizzly bear, black bear and wolf. He _loves_ them. He keeps them in a drawstring toybag and just drags it all over the house all the time.

We also love the fact that they're anatomically correct. The tiger has testicles, the male elephant has a penis sheath, the giraffe has an udder, the orangutan has teats, the shark has claspers, they're _so_ realistic!

I'm excited, because we're getting to the point where we can pile them all out onto the bed and I can ask DS (who's 16 mo) "Where's the kangaroo?" and he'll grab it, or "Where's the Momma Elephant?" and he knows which one of the three elephants it is!

Anyway ... I guess this leads to YKYtPoaT when you rhapsodize about your child's animals for a long time for no particular reason!


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Where do you get your Schleich (sp?)? I see no US distributors, so which is the preferred country for ordering? And what is the average cost per piece?

Thanks!


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyofPunkiePie* 
Where do you get your Schleich (sp?)? I see no US distributors, so which is the preferred country for ordering? And what is the average cost per piece?

Thanks!

They are from $2 - $6 each with little ones being cheaper. I get them at Target and we get one each time we go. Been working on our collection for some time.

I don't know how many we have, but we have the daddy and baby elephant, a tiger, hippopotamus, rhino, meerkat, mom and baby giraffe, female lion, mouse, horse, mom and baby cow, deer, baby goat, baby sheep, baby pig, brown hen, baby zebra, baby camel, kangaroo with baby, turtle, penguin, mom and baby panda, wolf, and I think that is all.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyofPunkiePie* 
Where do you get your Schleich (sp?)? I see no US distributors, so which is the preferred country for ordering? And what is the average cost per piece?

Thanks!

We also get them at Target and from online at H&H Winner's Circle.


----------



## musicoholic

*long post... sorry*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kelly1216* 
When asked what your favorite song is, all you can think of is Wheels on the Bus or Itsy Bitsy Spider!

what makes this even worse as the mother of a 2yo is I also teach primary music as well as pre-nursery, nursery and reception music!!!! aaaarrrrggghhh!!!!!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ambrose* 
... you manage to read an entire children's book with your eyes shut. And turn the pages appropriately.

an entire book? what about 3?? so far?? is it just me, or am I insane?? ds has 3 favourite books - "Goodnight, Little Bear", "Animal Orchestra" and "The Little Red Caboose"... I'm sure there are more but I'm just too dazed to remember...







:









Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeaninevp922* 
You find yourself saying crazy things like "Cats are not for eating"

or saying things like "yes sweetheart, helicopters eat their dinner too" or "yummy runny cheese" to everything - including rice!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brandimn6217* 
You spend $100s on baby toys only to discover they like the laundry basket better...

I swear ds wets himself laughing when dh spins the laundry basket... he loves it!! he drives it, he rolls it, he tries to spin it himself... yep - IKWYM!!!

yeah okay... anyway I'll give my own now...
YKYTPOAT when ...
... you have competitions with your dc to see who can spin in circles the longest...
... *everything* is done to the tune of "twinkle twinkle little star"... and I mean EVERYTHING... "aero-aero-aeroplane"... "motor-motor-motorbike" etc etc etc etc ad infinatum ad nauseum...
... you and your dp find yourselves singing dc's fave songs with adult company or as a response to a question
... the first thing you want to do when you wake up is see that cherubic face - awake or asleep
... you get a tiny toddler kiss with and accompanying "I love you" to wake up in the morning


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jaimelynn* 
He finally poos in the potty and you immediately start calling friends and family to let them know it finally happened.

Or blog about it!


----------



## 4tsomething

when experience has taught you to ask, "do you want ketchup with your mandarin oranges?" and don't give it a second thought b/c you are just so happy she's eating something!!


----------



## pookel

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
when experience has taught you to ask, "do you want ketchup with your mandarin oranges?" and don't give it a second thought b/c you are just so happy she's eating something!!

... and ketchup goes with EVERYTHING.


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
We also get them at Target and from online at H&H Winner's Circle.

Awesome! Thanks!!!


----------



## JustVanessa

When you find the cat's water dish clogged full of soggy cat food b/c ds was "helping" feed the cat.
When the term "where's kitty?" will buy you at least 30 sec. to finish what you are doing before he realizes kitty is outside.
When you mop the floors in secret because you cannot handle anymore "helping" that involves a large bucket of water in the house.
When all the cool CD's you used to have in the car have been replaced with Raffi.
I could go on and on.


----------



## joy11

when your 19 mo old points to a blemish on your face and says "bubble! bubble!" And, points to grandma's neck (scar tissue and wrinkles) and says "yuck, yuck...clean up!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustVanessa* 
When the term "where's kitty?" will buy you at least 30 sec. to finish what you are doing

That is _SO_ true!!!!!







: And not even "Where's Kitty," but just the word "Kitty" will do it.







:


----------



## Alathia

OMG these are hysterical!

YKYTPOATW:

...you are supposedly on a diet and your partner comes home and your toddler immediate comes up to them with an (empty) bowl and (gleefully) yells "more chips!". mommy was busted!

...you are PT and your toddler hands you an "uh oh!" present in his underwear

...you start referring to yourself in the third person all the time


----------



## boingo82

...You never get to flush the toilet yourself.


----------



## greenmansions

or when you ask DH to go pee because your DC is crying because you forgot to let him flush for you


----------



## CalebsMama05

you get used to ds eating half your cheese dip with ONE chip. and using half a bottle of ketchup for one nugget.

ooooooooooooh yeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss!


----------



## mommy2AandZ

when you have to tell ds that, "no you can't see grandma's boobies... they are private"


----------



## 4tsomething

Quote:


Originally Posted by *greenmansions* 
or when you ask DH to go pee because your DC is crying because you forgot to let him flush for you









:

Oh yes, that is so true for us as well, b/c just flushing it a second time with nothing in it to tell "bye-bye" isn't good enough and in fact, is downright insulting!!


----------



## greenmansions

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 







:

Oh yes, that is so true for us as well, b/c just flushing it a second time with nothing in it to tell "bye-bye" isn't good enough and in fact, is downright insulting!!










yeah, and you'd think I'd have learned by now, but this still happens regularly.


----------



## mamabeca

When *everyone* in the public bathroom (giggling knowingly) knows you've made a stinky poop, and that you'll be getting a candy for dat when you finish and wash your hands.

When you can only ever find one of each slipper.

When you only buy foaming soap anymore.

When the floor of the car looks just like the floor of the playroom.

When getting sleep is now less important, but eating once eaten food has gained importance.

When puzzles with more than 50 pieces in them get prime space on the higher shelves of the bookcase.

You offer excuses like "Oh yeah, he's quite the boob guy" to all female relatives and babysitters.

The last great movie you saw was... years ago.


----------



## JustVanessa

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2AandZ* 
when you have to tell ds that, "no you can't see grandma's boobies... they are private"









:

How about when you go bright red b/c your son has grabbed your obese father by the chest and went oooooo, opa's boobies.


----------



## linguistmama

This is from a friend:

When you nurse your toddler in the driver's seat and its a big mistake since he manages to honk the horn and everyone turns to see.


----------



## linguistmama




----------



## brandimn6217

When EVERY one of these makes you smile and nod!!

When you steal ideas for keeping your sanity from this thread!


----------



## Max'sMama

The curtains you just hung are 'ugy mom. really ugly.' But when daddy walks in the door 5 minutes later you hear, 'look look daddy look! The curtains are _beauuuuutifull_'.

Or while walking at the mall (too cold outside) you hear ds say, "Slow down, I'm dying here."


----------



## mamagoose

...when you're in an important meeting at work and you look down and realize there's a Buzz Ligthyear sticker on your shirt, right over your boob.

... when the contents of your purse are as follows: 1 bouncy ball, assorted cheerios and pretzel/cracker crumbs, the lid to a sippy cup (who knows where the cup went), 1 plastic dinosaur, 3 toy cars, a couple of rocks, and a stick. And oh yeah, your wallet, cell phone and keys, buried under the aforementioned.


----------



## Romana

So this is what I'm in for! I'm sure they're only so funny because they haven't happened to me yet.







:

Julia
dd 11 mos


----------



## glowan1

When DC "checks" your diaper" by pulling on the back of the waistband of your pants and peers in.

Dinner time involves putting the dogs out to try to minimize the amount of food that goes overboard from DC plate. Then letting the dogs back in to clean the floor and chair of DC's mess.

When cleaning the floor used to be a two step process (sweep and mop) and it is now a 3 step process (let the dogs in to lick the floor, sweep, mop) (See above)

It crosses your mind that maybe DC will not be so wary of the vacuum cleaner if you actually vacuumed more often.

The refuge of a hot shower haas been taken away since DC decided to like showers more than baths and you get pushed aside so DC can fill their cup with water as you try to wash your hair.

You actually check your nipples to see if they are developing callouses after a particularly long night of nursing.


----------



## JustVanessa

When you can't find something you immediatly check the garbage b/c your child has discovered a new found pleasure in throwing things away.







*And half the time you find whatever it is you are looking for*

I have taken to throwing anything messy in a plastic bag before putting it in the trash to save the things ds has "Gabbaaage mama!!!!!!"


----------



## monkaha

The house has become such a cluttered maze of toys for so long that a half-hearted attempt at cleaning leads to questions about who is coming over. And the comment "the house looks fancy, mom." (the comment was actually from my 5yo, but still fits in this thread, I think.







)


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

... when you find yourself saying things like "stop licking my back!" Wait, what?


----------



## lalaland42

...when nursing becomes a competitive event.

I was on the phone with my sister the other day and she asked me what I want for my birthday. DD was sitting right there so I said, "I don't know, Sophie what should I ask Aunt Stefanie for as a birthday present?" DD looked at me with the biggest grin on her face and screamed BOOBIE.

Can you tell my girl has a one track mind?


----------



## guestmama9911

When the slow, gentle transition of your DS to his own bed is harder on you than it is on him, and he's only two feet away from you!

And you spend the two hours he sleeps in his own bed staring at him instead of sleeping.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When the slow, gentle transition of your DS to his own bed is harder on you than it is on him, and he's only two feet away from you!

And you spend the two hours he sleeps in his own bed staring at him instead of sleeping.
















- I love my DW so much!!!


----------



## mommyddeville

You've been talking on the phone with DH or a friend and he or she has heard:
"cookies do not go in the VCR. Neither do crackers"

"The baby likes kisses, but bites hurt her" (as I rescue her from the biting on her nose or fingers)

Your two year old is nursing upside down (his head is on your chest and he's standing on his feet) and you don't even blink. It's normal.

It has taken 20 minutes to convince your 2-year-old to get shoes and a jacket on, but once he goes outside, he's finished playing.

Every morning, you wake up to "hi, Mommy" which makes everything worthwhile.


----------



## Serrendipity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana9+2* 























So this is what I'm in for! I'm sure they're only so funny because they haven't happened to me yet.







:

Julia
dd 11 mos









Nope. It's still pretty funny when it happens to you!









...About a week later, anyway.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
...when nursing becomes a competitive event.

...And you're almost _sure_ they're burning more calories in the _act_ of nursing than they're taking in!

Serendipity


----------



## linguistmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 














- I love my DW so much!!!

You guys are so cute!


----------



## Cujobunny

You are attempting an intimate moment with your dh and can't get the Backyardigans theme song out of your head.


----------



## NicaG

You hear yourself say, "stop drinking the contact lense solution!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

When you step on a day-old half-eaten grape barefoot in the bathroom and don't have to wonder how it got _there_.


----------



## lalaland42

No one is home so you decide to take a shower and you catch yourself singing "The Ants Go Marching". Twice.


----------



## honeybunmom

It's 2:30 in the afternoon, you're at work and you discover a tube of false eyelash adhesive (from your pre-baby days that your dc found in the bathroom cabinet) tucked in the cowl neck of your sweater . . . which you'd totally forgotten dc had put there while trying to wrestle her into her coat early that morning.


----------



## andisunshine

... your toddler fell and bumped his butt on a corner. A kiss to his coverless cloth diaper does not suffice, he pulls it down so you can get to the buttcheek.


----------



## Oceanjones

....when the Mad Hatter sounds more sane than you feel.

....when your house more closely resembles a war zone complete with enemy lines (baby gates)

....when the sweet silence of a baby sleeping has now become the silence of horror movies before the monster, psycho etc jumps out AKA discovering your toddler playing in a pool of shampoo and conditioner on your bathroom rug.

....when you'll put ketchup on anything just so they will eat it.

....when all your ice cubes have been replaced with frozen apple juice and toothpicks because your toddler is on a popsicle kick.

....when you finally and tearfully cut off the long gorgeous hair you have lovingly cared for 4 years because it's just not that attractive with food, boogers and lollipops in it. Not to mention being pulled back all the time to try to avoid those things so what's the point anyway???

....when you feel more lust for a new washer and dryer than you have felt for any man in longer than you can remember.

....when your dc smears applesauce in her hair at a restaurant and you use it as your chance to get a ponytail in that will actually stay in.

I could go on forever! Great thread and when I really needed to laugh and get some perspective









....


----------



## rosie_plus_one

I'm about 34 weeks pregnant and I was talking to my babysitter's 3 year old yesterday about the baby. She knew that there was a baby growing in my belly then said, "But how is it going to get out? I don't think your mouth is big enough."









I was speechless.


----------



## guestmama9911

...you're willing to hold in pee for hours because your sick toddler _finally_ fell asleep and the poor little guy is lying across you with his mouth on one breast, his hand on the other and his butt in the air


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rosie_plus_one* 
I'm about 34 weeks pregnant and I was talking to my babysitter's 3 year old yesterday about the baby. She knew that there was a baby growing in my belly then said, "But how is it going to get out? I don't think your mouth is big enough."









I was speechless.

Out of the mouths of babes...







:


----------



## linguistmama

When your dd has eagerly had you nurse her doll, but you are waiting hopefully for the time when she will nurse it herself. Then in a store she sees a Pooh Bear that she immediately puts to her breast followed by a napkin ring and you clap ecstatically!


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *linguistmama* 
When your dd has eagerly had you nurse her doll, but you are waiting hopefully for the time when she will nurse it herself.

It has taken me MONTHS to get E to nurse her own toys! She finally does it, but I have to remind her every time that my yippies are only for her.


----------



## gabysmom617

I got a few more.

when---
a) You have an assorted few tricks up your sleeve to entertain a toddler in a public waiting room at a dull moment, or any other dull situation. This could include taking toddler's shoe off, and using it as a telephone. Also includes using toddler's own foot as a telephone. You've also developed a knack for coming up with new such distraction techniques on the spot--such as pasting the sticker the store personell just gave toddler onto your own forehead to get a strange look and laugh and moment of respite out of toddler. You no longer feel the twinge of embarrassment from walking around in the grocery store pushing shopping cart with todder in it, with toddler's shoe on the side of your face, trying to get a signal out of it while having a difficult conversation with this shoe, while toddler giggles, nor with a sticker pasted to your forehead.

b) For boys. You've ever found yourself saying, "Don't pull your wee wee out. It stays in your diaper."

c) all glasses and cups and other resevoires of liquid are kept high at all times. You must tell company to keep their glasses up high. Otherwise, little fingers that are fascinated with "war-dee!" will wash his hands in any container of liquid, be it milk, tea, water, or other...including bodily fluids. (don't ask.)


----------



## linguistmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyofPunkiePie* 
It has taken me MONTHS to get E to nurse her own toys! She finally does it, but I have to remind her every time that my yippies are only for her.










My mom is visiting and dd remembers her dog very fondly, So grandma printed some pictures of him for dd. Apparently they're a hit since dd announced that she would be happy to nurse the dog!


----------



## newbad

........you hear yourself yelling "don't stick that bead in your butt".


----------



## pookel

... you're listening to MP3s in your car and when the Wiggles' cover of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down" comes on after Nightwish, you turn up the volume and sing along.

... and you know all the lyrics.

... and your toddler isn't even in the car with you.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 
... you're listening to MP3s in your car and when the Wiggles' cover of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down" comes on after Nightwish, you turn up the volume and sing along.

My brother gave me a Nightwish CD for my birthday last year.


----------



## Max'sMama

...when dh arrives home from work and asks ds 'what's up' and he replies that 'mommy needs a drink' :LOL :LOL

why? because after your toddler asks for the gazillionth time for something he cannot have and you respond that you want a drink and can't have it just like he wants x and cannot have it. That sometimes we want things we aren't going to get.

I was having a very difficult day with him







: and when he said that to dh I couldn't help but crack up!


----------



## linguistmama

When its dd's birthday and you have told her a couple of times that she is "two years old now!". Her reply every time is "baby" "nurse" instead of the expected "two" while trying to hold up 2 fingers.


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when you mention to your partner that it's probably about time for a diaper change, and your child pats his crotch (outside all clothing) and says firmly, "Seems dry."

...when you get a big hug and kiss from your partner as you leave for work every single day, because your child insists.


----------



## angel1895

when they arent "graham crackers"... theyre "grammas crackers"

geez mom.. get it right


----------



## gabysmom617

--Every thump and bump you hear while you are in the bathroom makes you nervous. (It doesn't matter if daddy is with the monkey boy or not...as a matter of fact, you get MORE nervous if you here a thump, and daddy is in there too...) Heck, EVERY thump or bump you hear makes you jump, or cringe, regardless of where you are, where your child is, and who made it. Your nervous reflex to the sounds of thumps and bumps has become a nervous habit.

--Toothbrush is a comb.
--A butterfly is a bird.
--Bird is pronounced "bee".


----------



## nabigus

... you think absolutely nothing of your child carrying a drink coaster while on your back in the carrier. Because he *has* to carry something, right? And it's better than the plastic coat hanger of yesterday or the measuring cup of the day before or the paper towel cardboard tube before that, right?

... you have turned Feeding Toddler Over Shoulder in Back Carry Without Looking into an Olympic event.

and, as a result:

... you automatically turn your shirts over to stain stick the back when you take them off, since no doubt ds has dribbled dried strawberries, crackers, and pear down your back while in the carrier.


----------



## Kleine Hexe

When you have to ask the exterminator to please wave "bye bye" so ds does not have a melt down.

When your DH has to call you every day and alert you when he is 2 minutes from the house so you can tell the dc to stand outside the door to see daddy driving up the driveway.....and you better not forget

When you have a fear of sticking your hand in pockets because you're afraid of what you might pull out. (like a live maggot which is ds's new friend)


----------



## monkaha

Quote:

--Every thump and bump you hear while you are in the bathroom makes you nervous. (It doesn't matter if daddy is with the monkey boy or not...as a matter of fact, you get MORE nervous if you here a thump, and daddy is in there too...) Heck, EVERY thump or bump you hear makes you jump, or cringe, regardless of where you are, where your child is, and who made it. Your nervous reflex to the sounds of thumps and bumps has become a nervous habit.








:


----------



## linguistmama

and

When your toddler suddenly develops a preference for nursing reptiles and insects, luckily no real ones yet!


----------



## boingo82

When you have learned a VERY important lesson:

Never, ever, do ANYTHING in front of / with your toddler that you aren't willing to repeat at least 300 times.
Examples include
pretending to juggle ("more jungle!! more jungle!!")
pushing toddler over carpet in laundry basket ("more push hard!")
spinning toddler around ("more spin fast! MORE SPIN FAST!!!")
letting toddler ride your back like a horsey ("more sit back! SIT BACK! SIIITTTT BAAAAACCKKKKK!!!!")
etc


----------



## Miajean

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
...you're willing to hold in pee for hours because your sick toddler _finally_ fell asleep and the poor little guy is lying across you with his mouth on one breast, his hand on the other and his butt in the air









I did this for three days. multiple times. It made being sick so much better because I knew I was helping heal her.


----------



## Miajean

Quote:


Originally Posted by *4tsomething* 
You have endless conversations, often in public, about who has a "woolva" and who has a "peanups" (translations - vulva or penis...)







:

Perfect! Those are good translations...


----------



## katiebell5

you no longer have an "s" key on your keyboard.


----------



## Kleine Hexe

you can no longer see the letters on your keyboard because they've been painted with white out.


----------



## Miajean

You know you have a toddler when:

You tell DC that signing "more" without please is rude and then they sign "sorry, please more now!" emphactically because they prefer to sign instead of have you figure out thier babbles. DD practices at home, but refuses to handle stupid peoples (especially me) mistakes about what she wants so pointing and then asking politely gets an imeddiate answer, yes or no. Yes means she will smile like the golden German poster child for the hummels (looks just like daddy!) and nod and giggle and charm the entire room. No means a huge screaming fit of 'hay no no no you mom mum no no no" so everyone is suddenly and unmistakenly aware DD can speak and is quite quite coherent when she wants to speak.

You find yourself telling family to please remind DD she has to ask please before she grabs a cookie or chunk of suger induced hyperactive freedom from naptime for all eternity, wait just today.

You comment that" no, we do not show strangers our belly button nor do we attempt Nekkie time in public."

When people ask what is she saying you say "Not sure" and DD gets angry because she just said " awww sh-t and awwgrrrh DAM" and it sounded so cute and no one could figure it out and you would like not to explain that one. Then DD screams it. Dada says that when the computer crashes and she learned those by 8 months. Dada was her first word and those were her second and third, before mum mum. Cause dada is the best.

When DD kisses her dolly, hugs her and mumbles nine nine nicht kit (no no not good in yiddish/old german slang.) and people think she is making goo goo sounds.

When DD signs "poop" in a grocery store to tell you she's done with sitting still and she refuses to wait more then a minute and you loudly say " yes I'll change your poop as fast as I can get to a bathroom' and people stare and you realise you look insane.

When you have a phone conversation and a third involves " You'll have a time out if you yank one more book down off the no no shelf and rip it for fun!"
'no you cannot chew on the remote" "ACCKKK EXCUSE ......climbing? why? you never act this way until I get on the phone, here sit in your playpen, nope you earned it..impolite manners, thank you for wailing, finish your unhappy moment in safety..ohh the phone...Hello? umm I need to go..sorry about that bye."

When bedtime cannnnnnnnoooooottttt be acheived without the entire "finding nemo" movie and favorite music and you'll rip heads off if you cannot find both of those happy quiet inducing sleep dvd/cd.

When You decorate childrens room with more money and time and effort then the entire house and when every last tiny thing DC has is worth more then all you own. Dipaerbag, playpen, stroller, car seat, toys, clothes and they are all according to color, learning capabilities, washablity, endurance, and safety tests and future chances child may become genius or ivy league colleges because the tags say so (hubby constantly does this intense research over gear and toys and decor, I do so over clothing, food.)

When people ask where you'll vacation or eat and you invariable mention a childrens place and say you didn't know they are others....I remember there once was but now I do not notice them.

When you meet other parents in stores and compliment thier chioces of clothing, gear and they nod smile and tell you how useful said bag, stroller, car seat, is just like an advertiser complete with detailed gross stories involving blood, grass, vomit, dog hair etc., and then branch out to carpets/hardwoods/ to babyproofing techniques and you listen for an hour because it's the first serious in depth conversation you've been a part of for weeks.

When oprah, food network, and the weather sound so invigorating and anything involving children on the news makes you turn it off and shudder and double check all the doors and locks because the boogy men are everywhere (and you think boogeymen, multiple and they look in your mind like large blobs of dustbunnies and garbage dispsal gunk and they ooze and you know they are just about to infiltrate the house and you realize you cannot read russian/german/irish fairy tales any more out loud or at night.)


----------



## Miajean

When you calmly inform people that humming pooh bear songs, doodle bop, or blues clues is helpful to the childs learning and attention span and realize the child is not in the cart (umm..I got an hour to shop alone at christmas. I turned around an nearly screamed when I realized that the cart was in fact empty and remembered with a clumpping halhumphing heart rate that I had requested this hour to shop free sans angel.)

When you have running monologue in public and people know the child is paying attention when she deliberatly does the oppisate laughing hysterically.

When you feel naughty for eating ice cream from the carton alone while the child is asleep.

When yes.."special discussions" with hubby are interrupted by loud wailing from naptime or sleep and you both rush to make sure child is o.k. and not having a nightmare and then the next hour is storytime, books, music, and rocking and then you forget the "discussion" and make hot chocolate or milkshakes instead.

When you spend half an hour of desperate alone time with hubby just staring at child sleeping and both agree that activity was better then being first married!

When smushy kisses with food rements on your cheek make you so proud you spend the rest of the day in a good mood.

When the loss of favorite sippy cup makes you search every nook and crannie and you curse the compeny that makes such great stuff but also happens to have a very small market contract and therfore you cannot even find a place to buy a replacement and if you could an entire paycheck could be ransomed to provide the sanctiy of home and hearth.

When you pack four diffent goodies for church and they are called respectfully "jesus goldfish" "holy wafers of your own" "specity bread" " and "holy wine" so DC will not scream during the very quiet ceremonious moments but instead munch happily in the supposedly sound proof "crying room" which DC has proven is not "sound proof" repeatedly when not given copious amounts of toys, running time, or food.

When DC hollers for "jesus goldfish" and it sounds like 'J' sssss ishhhh" and people think you are calling them something entirely diffent. And you are NOT at church.

when you are out of 'Bpples" and DC acts like a starving raving feind by screaming ONLY for "bpples....bpples....pllllleesss" and the whole store thinks you're a horrible person and DC refuses anything ANYTHING else regardless of three snacks brought or juice. Apples...the fall of parents is how the story should read.

When DC decides to lie upon the floor anywhere S/He is and laugh and giggle and then scream if any attempt is made to carry them out for regroup.

When DC says "oooper aed" when you get cut off and you realise that she was paying attention when you hollered "hey pooper head" two weeks eariler while driving.

When DC says " NINE NINE NICHT KIT " to another who steals her toys or pushes her on the playground and people think she's babbleing ("no no not good", which is my naughty phrase often, when she bumps her head I croon, when she's having a meltdown I say it calmly, when she is realllly naughty I say it loudly.)

When DC knocks on your bathroom door and screams like a banshee from the moorlands just to watch you on the toilet and then sits next to you 'practicing" her noises and hands you the potty ring so you can sing the "potty song" and then do the potty dance while you flush.
Then does the same to Dada and screams if he does not do the dance and song too! and then you can hear DP from the living room singing very very happily 'yeah away goes the poo poo, by by, we say by by...ohh yeah, how proud, very good, poop goes bye... so big so big..we are grown..very grown" and it is to the tune of multiple favorite songs so every song you love after that reminds you of the 'potty song" and DD dances out of the bathroom squatting and dancing and running around dancing and hugging everyone !

When everything you eat has to be given to DC and then eaten when DC decided not to finish chewing and returns it kindly with the insistence of you will eat it.

When you tip before the waitress serves you and they wonder why it is well above the normal amount and then after three cups of fluid, half an appitezer, and large quaities of half chewed food are thrown with glee to various other areas the server simple seats you ever after in the section that hasn't been cleaned (except your table) and no one else cleans until you leave.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

So, do you play Chaser for Gryffindor Katiebell5?


----------



## EnviroBecca

...when you tell your child not to pick up broken glass in the street...but he convinces you that this particular piece of glass is his new best friend, and he will be "vey vey kehfull holding it," and when you get home he puts it in a special nest in the cap from an old bottle of Eucalan and tenderly croons to it...but 10 minutes later he is a high-speed train, and the Eucalan cap is found to be empty, so your partner finds the glass and puts it in the trash and lectures about responsibility...and the following morning, your child gets up and makes a beeline for the trashcan wailing about his dear departed shard of some stranger's beer bottle.







: (But I have to admit, he WAS careful and didn't cut himself!)

...when you find your partner cheerfully "eating" a "sandwich" made by folding a diaper doubler in half.

...when every time your child notices dead leaves on the edge of the front steps, you have to answer several minutes of detailed questions about the whereabouts and activities of the slug who was found "sleeping" there five months ago and was gently relocated to the flowerbed, where you suspect it has long since decomposed...but perhaps it HAS caught two busses, as your child suggests.


----------



## greenmansions

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...
...when you find your partner cheerfully "eating" a "sandwich" made by folding a diaper doubler in half.












along these lines, when your new flip phone is a folded-in-half mama pad. "mama, it's grampy! talk to him!"


----------



## Marlet

...when you loose the keys the first parts you look are drawers and cabinets that require you to crouch down to.


----------



## cupofjojo

When your 3 y.o. DS is VERY quiet and you look for him only to find he's climbed on top of the fridge to eat candy out of the Easter Basket you thought you "hid" from him.


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *OtherMother'n'Madre* 
...when you loose the keys the first parts you look are drawers and cabinets that require you to crouch down to.









I always find mine in the back of the toy garbage truck.


----------



## Heffernhyphen

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cupofjojo* 
When your 3 y.o. DS is VERY quiet and you look for him only to find he's climbed on top of the fridge to eat candy out of the Easter Basket you thought you "hid" from him.


This is the sort of thing that wins people $10,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos. Have the camera ready next time.


----------



## tynme

YKYTPTW...

you have religiously read every single post on here.. yup, all 24 pages of them







: laughing and saying "yup" "yup" "yup" to everything. My ds has just transitioned from sweet little baby to monsterous toddler.

also....

when on a walk to the park your DS picks up EVERY cigarette butt he can find says "yuck" and then throws it down.

These are good!


----------



## Cardinal

when you are FINALLY in the mood and you finally have the time to do it with your dh and you finally feel sexy and the kiddo is asleep....

and you hear "FIRE FIRE WHOOO WHOOO" coming from the sheets right as you lay down.

Yes, the trusty fire truck that yoru son was playing with is under your sheets. And you just dug it into your back. Way to ruin the mood.














what can you do?


----------



## Avena

When your DC hands you a booger!

DD's newest trick!


----------



## Avena

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cardinal* 
when you are FINALLY in the mood and you finally have the time to do it with your dh and you finally feel sexy and the kiddo is asleep....

and you hear "FIRE FIRE WHOOO WHOOO" coming from the sheets right as you lay down.

Yes, the trusty fire truck that yoru son was playing with is under your sheets. And you just dug it into your back. Way to ruin the mood.














what can you do?


----------



## Avena

And how about this one~

We were at our local co-op in the bulk section last week, DD see's some dried bulk re-pack fruit and yells while pointing to it, TURD, MAMA THERE'S A TURD!!




























I couldn't help but laugh and so did EVERYONE THAT HEARD HER~


----------



## Hippiemommie

When you make bets with DH on what made your toddler's poop lime green.
When you find your self laying in bed between DH and DS holding DS' foot straight up in the air because he likes it that way when he falls asleep.
When later that night you roll over onto a 1/2 eaten apple, a hammer, and a McQueen car shoved under the covers.


----------



## Emmeline II

When your 3yo is with you when you are talking to your neighbors and he says to the dad who is smoking "THAT'S DISGUSTING"; though fortunately his wife agrees with said toddler







.


----------



## brandimn6217

When you excitedly tell everyone you know that DC has learned to put the legos back in the tub as opposed to just pouring them all over the floor.

When you wipe a snotty nose on your PJ shirt in the morning so the snot doesn't get on the boob DC is nursing.

When nursing should be called wrestling.

When you lay on the floor and DC, who is newly obsessed with sitting on things, comes and sits on your face... as least you just changed the poopy diaper


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

When you lay down on the floor with your torso exposed so when your toddler is finished blowing toots on your stomach they can nurse at their convenience and you can close your eyes for just two more minutes.........


----------



## Miajean

: laughup

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tynme* 
YKYTPTW...

you have religiously read every single post on here.. yup, all 24 pages of them







: laughing and saying "yup" "yup" "yup" to everything. My ds has just transitioned from sweet little baby to monsterous toddler.

also....

when on a walk to the park your DS picks up EVERY cigarette butt he can find says "yuck" and then throws it down.

These are good!


----------



## Miajean

: laughup

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippiemommie* 
When you make bets with DH on what made your toddler's poop lime green.
When you find your self laying in bed between DH and DS holding DS' foot straight up in the air because he likes it that way when he falls asleep.
When later that night you roll over onto a 1/2 eaten apple, a hammer, and a McQueen car shoved under the covers.


----------



## Emmeline II

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
I think I can beat that. In an intimate moment, DH tried to talk dirty but referred to his "weiner". Using that word.







Don't tell him I told.









:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## Emmeline II

When you call for your toddler and instead of hearing "Noooooooooooooooo" he comes running and says "Yes, mama", and you ask for the wipes and he say "I'll get them for you mama" and you know this good behavior and politeness are a Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Sign, because it means he has been doing something messy or disgusting or eating something sweet or inappropriate (like a stick of butter).


----------



## brandimn6217

:







:


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *i'mmykid'$mom* 
because it means he has been doing something messy or disgusting or eating something sweet or inappropriate (like a stick of butter).

Yeah ... for some reason DS _loves_ to get into the sticks of butter and just gnaw on it. Who knew?!


----------



## brandimn6217

YKYTPOATW
You pull out your pedicure thing (you know, what you pour water in and it bubbles) for the first time since you were 7 mos prego and your feet were too swollen for it to be useful. You stick your feet in, and go about your business. Five minutes later, you realize that your foot was on top of a circle from the sorter toy and you didn't even notice!!!!


----------



## nabigus

... when you are *determined* every night to get to bed before 10, but then the seductive lure of the "I have both hands free! I can watch a movie! I can surf the net! I don't have to read board books! I can SIT! I can sew slings! I can eat ice cream!" catches up with you, and you stay up until almost midnight.








and then you drink coffee at 6 am. Lots.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

This one is too good to lose.


----------



## hopefulfaith

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... when you are *determined* every night to get to bed before 10, but then the seductive lure of the "I have both hands free! I can watch a movie! I can surf the net! I don't have to read board books! I can SIT! I can sew slings! I can eat ice cream!" catches up with you, and you stay up until almost midnight.








and then you drink coffee at 6 am. Lots.

Yes.

EXACTLY!


----------



## MamaChameleon

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
Yeah ... for some reason DS _loves_ to get into the sticks of butter and just gnaw on it. Who knew?!

we have a sneaky butter eater in our house, too!!









whenever we hear the slight creak of the refridgerator door and then completely silence, we know we are almost guaranteed to find ds chomping away at a stick.

now, if we hear the slight creak and then the pitter patter of tiny feet racing down the hallway, we know we are pretty much guaranteed to find ds hiding in his bedroom drinking the maple syrup.









and i am raising my coffee cup in a toast to all the mamas & papas suffering from a "i stayed up far too late last night enjoying the peace and quiet" sleep deprivation hangover! *cheers!*


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Here's a recap of some of the most







:-inducing posts from Pages 1-5, more recaps to come later.

Quote:



Originally Posted by *KMK_Mama*


You keep smelling a mysterious urine smell in your DC's room, but can't find the source.

I have eventually found it in a Halloween bucket, cups, bowls, travel jewelry containers. Good thing she got over this when she potty trained!







:



Quote:



Originally Posted by *odenata*


...you find a can of tuna shoved in your shoe.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *alisaterry*


...Kenny Loggins "Return to Pooh Corner" has replaced Barry White as mood music.

...the pets have unexplained bald spots.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *Sierra*


...you start worrying when you hear mysterious, hysterical laughter coming from the other room (especially when you think there might be pets in there).

...you didn't know you had a yardstick, but one day, you find one laying around in the living room (apparently, it was leaning against the wall in the front hall closet and you just never noticed).



Quote:



Originally Posted by *jeaninevp922*


You find yourself saying crazy things like "Cats are not for eating"



Quote:



Originally Posted by *KayasMama04*


When you can catch vomit in one hand and continue to eat



Quote:



Originally Posted by *mimiharshe*


...when you hear every single bin being dumped out in their room and then are told, "but mom, it's for monkeys!"











Quote:



Originally Posted by *dhinderliter*


...food cans become step stools and the tink of them being organized means dc is standing on them to get his snacks



Quote:



Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84*


you open your fridge to find your childs marker collection in there.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84*


jumping up to find out what your childs gotten into when its completely silent (silence is never good with toddlers theyre usually up to something)



Quote:



Originally Posted by *emma_goldman*


You learn how to take out your contacts in the dark while your toddler learns how to turn the light on and off again in the bathroom!



Quote:



Originally Posted by *Neoma*


...you choose to let them eat the dog biscuit they were supposed to be giving to the puppy, instead of taking it away and inciting a screaming bout of tantrums, because....well it's not going to kill them and they'll realize it doesn't taste very good eventually, right? Right?











Quote:



Originally Posted by *tinkinpink84*


your coffee table becomes fun to dance on.

youve fallen over a baby gate more then once and your child is laughing there butt off at you for doing it

none of your crayons have tips on them anymore and your child has rainbow poop

youve answered your door with a naked kid standing at your side covered in washable marker.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *serenetabbie*


... when you find yourself saying things like "Don't lick the dog, I don't care if he licked you first"



Quote:



Originally Posted by *gabysmom617*


--Every small tidbit that is found (cotton balls, cheerios, etc) is "hot" and needs to be blown off before being played with...



Quote:



Originally Posted by *Moochie Mamma*


... you learn that tampons make great little mice to play with



Quote:



Originally Posted by *i'mmykid'$mom*


... you can't allow your ds to feed the dog because he'll eat her food instead.

... your 3mo old is sticking her tongue in and out with a raisin on it.

... there is a cowbell on your refrigerator, not because you like country decor, but so you can tell when you ds sneaks into the fridge while you are watching tv.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *an_aurora*


Also, YKYtPoaTW...you see a post called "My DC swallowed a magnetic letter" and your first thought is 'I hope it was an 'i', that would be the easiest to pass'...and then you and your DH have a conversation lasting 30 precious naptime minutes about the pros and cons of each letter.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *Kelly1216*


Dog food has become a perfectly acceptable alternative to dinner for you dc. Why bothering trying to stop them, they'll just eat it anyway.

You don't bother vacuuming more than once a day because the Cheerios that you dc just spilled will be a good snack fo her in about an hour.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *SomerG*


...when you hear your cell phone ringing, and have to go dig through the trash can to find it.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *monkaha*


--when the sound of a chair being moved across the kitchen floor is cause to jump up and run to investigate.



Quote:



Originally Posted by *marlee*


.......... your VISA goes missing for a month yet you don't report it stolen........You find it in the VCR


----------



## Wooly

When you realise that the sinister slimey feeling you have as you put your sneakers on is bubble juice...

when your child comes to you snorting wildly and saying "mama! grolly ( read booger ) stuck!"...
and you say...
'okay baby mummy get it for you'.
The most wonderful thing about this one was that i did indeed get the booger out and then spent ten minutes dry heaving over the sink while my hubby was in fits of laughter.









When you look at your child who has a pair of freshly washed and wet underware ( her dad's ) on her head and exclaims proudly " a hat !" and you just smile and roll your eyes.
Then ten minutes later when you find yourself explaining that wearing daddies dirty undies out the hamper on your head is not really a very sanitary practise.







:

when you have to go to the bathroom and your toddler points into the can and yells "SAUSAGE" and you are left to explain that it is in fact a poo poo (she asks if its a sausage every time now .... reckon that one'll come back to haunt me in a public bathroom soon.


----------



## vegaenglit

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... when you are *determined* every night to get to bed before 10, but then the seductive lure of the "I have both hands free! I can watch a movie! I can surf the net! I don't have to read board books! I can SIT! I can sew slings! I can eat ice cream!" catches up with you, and you stay up until almost midnight.








and then you drink coffee at 6 am. Lots.


another vote for that!


----------



## spughy

...when you pray that if her socks are not on her feet, that they are in the bathtub, because if they aren't, they are most likely in the toilet.


----------



## peachpie

The pizza guy arrives at your house and waits patiently while the following conversation happens:

me: OK folks where is my credit card? I just used it a few minutes ago to call for pizza.

dh<shrug>: I gave it to dd. She was gonna give it to you.

me: dd? do you know where my card is?

dd: oh yes mama-- just go look in the refrigerator.


----------



## pishnook

Thanks for all the laughs. Too funny! My additions:

....you start making supper shortly after eating breakfast, b/c you know darn well you will be abandoning the effort many many times.

...your DH goes to put on his work boots in the morning and discovers their laces have been tied all together several dozen times. (ds1 used to looove to do this!)


----------



## boingo82

You have heard,
"AIN NO BUGS ON ME!" at least 3 or 4 thousand times today, because that is the only part of the anti-flea-dog-shampoo commercial that your toddler remembers.


----------



## Malleerider

So true mummys

When you have to fish biscuits and toast out the vcr before watching your taped program

When your 8 month old bashes and crys at the screen door to go outside and "play" with the big dogs

When the cat jumps on the chairs "to get away"

When DS uses your treadmill (behind closed doors) as a jungle jim


----------



## EStreetMama

When it takes longer to get your child dressed to go to the market than it took you to get dressed for your wedding!!!


----------



## devster4fun

-When you find cantalope rinds in the heating vents

-When you find yourself discussing poo for 15 minutes with your DP

I LOVE this thread.


----------



## DesertFlower

when your ds receives a pair of flip-flops with monkeys on them and he likes them so much he has to sleep with them the first night, and you have to hide them if you want him to wear other sandals.

when you've stopped repositioning your dc's sunglasses the right way, because he likes to wear them upside down.

when you spend more time reading board/kid's books than your own books.

when you find a turd sitting on the living room floor, abandoned (we are potty training and in the only 2 minutes Kai was alone, he did that and I didnt notice untill way later)


----------



## Serrendipity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
You have heard,
"AIN NO BUGS ON ME!" at least 3 or 4 thousand times today, because that is the only part of the anti-flea-dog-shampoo commercial that your toddler remembers.

OMGoddess. YES. I'm so, so tired of that one!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... when you are *determined* every night to get to bed before 10, but then the seductive lure of the "I have both hands free! I can watch a movie! I can surf the net! I don't have to read board books! I can SIT! I can sew slings! I can eat ice cream!" catches up with you, and you stay up until almost midnight.








and then you drink coffee at 6 am. Lots.

I haven't been to bed yet. It's 5:16am, here. 'Nough said.









Serendipity


----------



## DesertFlower

YKYTPOAT
when you have to hide his sunglasses to prevent him from waring them all day and all night (literally).


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Elfine* 
YKYTPOAT
when you have to hide his sunglasses to prevent him from waring them all day and all night (literally).









You just described my husband.


----------



## ryansma

YKYAPOAT when you tell him "No eat the ones off the ground first, then you can have more."

YKYAPOAT when you know not to throw out the lawnmower box b/c ds could have months and months of fun playing with/in it. (There has been a lawnmower box in my living room since May







)

YKYAPOAT when you will run like a mad woman through the aisles at Home Deopt - almost falling down - just to see a grumpy toddler smile.

YKYAPOAT when a dead fly is presented to you will glee as your toddler screams "bugggagona" (read bug)

YKYAPOAT when you find things like your dh's deoderant, a random tampon, and a stain stick and a glue stick in ds' play room.

I love this thread!!!







:
This parent gig can be hard but it's SOOO much fun too!


----------



## monkaha

....when you aren't phased by someone walking around the house twirling a tampon by the string.
....when you overhear an argument with DH and DS about which side of the pants is the front, and why that matters.
....when "Mom, I like your belly. It's squishy." Is the highest compliment. (not to mention, an excuse not to do situps!







)
....when saying, "yes, you may eat under the table" is a routine part of dinner preparations.

I love the one about eating the ones on the floor first! I say that all the time! We have a race to see who gets it first, the dogs or the kids.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

YKYTPOT when you actually have to make a decision between wetting the bed or waking your co-sleeper in the middle of the night.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Here's a recap of some of the most








:-inducing posts from Pages 6-10, more recaps to come later.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bellalunalovebunny* 
you start shutting the bathroom door all the time because.......

your toilet is clogged and when you use the snake to unclog it you find an entire bar of soap lodged in there.

you find a toilet full of bubble bath and a rubber ducky floating in it.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *New Mama* 
You get excited when the garbage truck comes by.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *wtchyhlr* 
When you go to have some naptime nookie with your hubby and get poked in the nether regions by small dinosaurs that were lovingly tucked into your bed.....


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Serrendipity* 
...When you can do almost any domestic task while and at the same time singing the "Augustus Gloop" song from Tim Burton's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" AND doing the Oompa Loompa dance. You've even been know to throw in your own special moves.







:

...The words, "Honey, the kids are asleep...







" have practically become foreplay.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *muckemom* 
-- your husband tells you (quietly) that you're humming the tune to "Banana Phone" by Raffi in line at Whole Foods

-- You watch your child eat a cracker that has been on the floor since lunch time yesterday without even flinching


Quote:


Originally Posted by *gobbledegook* 
.........you have to explain to your Dad (who just showed up unexpectedly) why his granddaughter is wearing your thong panties on her head.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... you know exactly how long a cell phone has to dry out before it's usable.

... you're having a quiet moment on the couch when a little finger aimed at your nostril creeps into your peripheral vision.

... you've ever taken apart a laptop to rescue the hard drive after an Unfortunate Incident with a cup of tea.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nickarolaberry* 
*when your kitchen garbage pail is up on a folding chair that is propped backwards against the wall


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kleine Hexe* 
....when your alarm clock goes off in the middle of the night because dc reset it.

....you never get to eat because the second you try to take a bite a little mouth and little hands suddenly appear.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *gabysmom617* 
--when you realize that now you've been sitting all alone with sunglasses on your boob for quite a while now...


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nickarolaberry* 
You know you're the parent of a toddler when....

Your free address labels (thanks St. Jude!) disappear and then your 3 year old and 16 month old reappear covered in address stickers from hair to clothes to toes and shoes.










Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
When the oven mitt is on the living room floor. With a giraffe in it.

When you are typing this around a toddler who is sitting ON the computer desk - and is imitating all the smilies.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *spughy* 
You pick up the phone to call someone and see that the number "9999989759994989999945849494949999999958594949999 9999945849999" has already been called.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy-X-2* 
--When you have to move all of your lingerie from the bottem drawer of your dresser because your DC comes out wearing it when you have guests over.

-- When you get up to answer the door and then have to race your child back to your seat.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
... "Reading" a book means quickly saying whatever words you can read as the pages fly by in no particular order and often backwards.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
... When you actually consider wrapping up a roll of toilet paper as a holiday gift ... he'd like it better than all the toys he's getting.

... You find yourself saying things like: "If you hit someone with your bum it's still hitting"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
When your husband is on his 18th rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle" in a row and it's the sexiest thing you've ever seen.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *boingo82* 
When someone 3' tall is arguing with you, heatedly, about whether that is a centipede or an alligator.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Baby Makes 4* 
You know you are the parent of a toddler when you are wondering whether consumption of half a bottle of lube is grounds for a call to poison control.

(We decided he'd probably be okay and he was)










Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 
... when you find yourself having this conversation while reading a picture book with a somewhat stylized picture of a walrus:
"Shoe!"
"No, that's a walrus, honey."
"Shoe!"
"No, it's a walrus. See, there are its eyes."
"Shoe!"
"Walrus!"
"Shoe!"


----------



## ryansma

CrunchyDaddy you are practically making it a contest by posting the most funny. Let the games begin!


----------



## guestmama9911

When all apes and monkeys are "ariras" (gorillas) and corrections are followed by whining and a distressed head in the hands gesture.

When crayons become weapons of mass destruction.

When a week's worth of groceries have to somehow fit in the seat of the shopping cart because your DS wants to step on them and throw them out of the cart and he won't switch places and sit.

When there's a trail of poo down the hall and your toddler is standing in front of you with his diaper in his hands saying "ew. ew. ew."


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When crayons become weapons of mass destruction.

And we - as parents - get to play Hans Blix and play guess where the WMDs were hidden.


----------



## bettysmom

... Now you're "too tired" from chasing a toddler, which replaces being too tired from caring for an infant, too tired because you're postpartum, too tired because you're hugely pregnant, too tired because you're newly pregnant, and too tired from all the charting and timing of TTC. And now you want to TTC again, and DP is seriously doubting your assurances that your love life will ever return to "normal"!


----------



## guestmama9911

When you count grocery shopping as cardiovascular exercise.


----------



## Polkadots

YKYTPOAT...

when nursing a stuffed monkey becomes part of the bed time routine.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Polkadots* 
YKYTPOAT...

when nursing a stuffed monkey becomes part of the bed time routine.

That's very cute!!


----------



## Fiestabeth

YKYTPOAT

when you catch her cutting big sister's artwork up with a huge, sharp pair of scissors, snatch them away quickly and she angrily retorts, "Den gimme da baby ones!"








:


----------



## nabigus

... when you no longer have to use your imagination to picture a 32 oz bag of grits spread around your living room.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... when you no longer have to use your imagination to picture a 32 oz bag of grits spread around your living room.

It was half a pound of sucanaut in our living room.


----------



## monkaha

Or how much room a whole box of kleenex takes up when spread around the floor. (he had the cutest "look what I did!" look on his face when we caught him!







: )


----------



## JuniperMama

It actually makes sense when you hear your toddler saying "I bonked my Super Head" after smacking into a door jam while flying around in his the Super Man cape from when DH was little. (Courtesy of Grandmama who kept it all these years.)


----------



## guestmama9911

When you find undigested popcorn kernals at the bottom of your washer after doing a diaper load.


----------



## mrsfussypants

You discover Cheerios in your bra.


----------



## JustJamie

You learn to check your shoes for mysterious objects before putting them on your feet.

You have contemplated the best way to get flour out of your sofa cushions.


----------



## ILoveMyBabyBird

Only read the first few pages so far, I have a toddler after all, lol... These are so funny.

Here is my input, hope I'm not repeating.

You know your a parent of a toddler when....

you start to feel guilty because ds is mopping/sweeping more than you...

your vacuum is on its last leg because you've had to use it on average 2 times a day for the past 6 months

you are joined by the broom in your daily shower,

you've learned that to your ds, banana peels are edible and good tasting too

you know that if, god forbid, you lose a hand, you will still be able to type, as you often must type one handed with a toddler at your breast

you realize that huge master bathroom, with all the drawers/cabinets is really just a waste of space as all the drawers are empty becaause you got tired of picking everything up after using the restroom/brushing teeth, etc.


----------



## ILoveMyBabyBird

Just thought of a couple more....

When you realize that your version of a clean house would equal a disaster zone to a neat freak

When your beautiful singing voice has been replaced with the sing song sounds of ABC, twinkle, twinkle, etc. and your dh hears you sing to your ds and comments how well you sound, you just roll your eyes and exclaim, "you must be tone deaf!"


----------



## Qestia

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When a week's worth of groceries have to somehow fit in the seat of the shopping cart because your DS wants to step on them and throw them out of the cart and he won't switch places and sit.









this is my life!

Also the one about getting excited when the garbage truck comes.


----------



## Munchkimo

Quote:

... when you no longer have to use your imagination to picture a 32 oz bag of grits spread around your living room.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
It was half a pound of sucanaut in our living room.

Wild rice in my kitchen. Unfortunately, it resembles mouse poop.


----------



## Redifer

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Munchkimo* 
Wild rice in my kitchen. Unfortunately, it resembles mouse poop.

Cornstarch in my kitchen. Linoleum angels. Akin to snow angels, but done in summer when mommy is pregnant and can't even sit up straight, let alone sweep.

I had powder-y fresh feet for a week.







Kept the swelling down.

You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

- It doesn't even phase you when the neighbors look at you like you're insane as you sit on the front porch in your pj's and your lovely DD runs around the front yard in nothing but a diaper and toddler-dreads.

- You've sat out in the rain in the summer and let your DD and niece make mud pies with three of your favorite potted plants, just to be able to SIT.

-


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
You know you're the parent of a toddler when:

- It doesn't even phase you when the neighbors look at you like you're insane as you sit on the front porch in your pj's and your lovely DD runs around the front yard in nothing but a diaper and toddler-dreads.

- You've sat out in the rain in the summer and let your DD and niece make mud pies with three of your favorite potted plants, just to be able to SIT.

-

Amen to that!


----------



## lalaland42

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Munchkimo* 
Wild rice in my kitchen. Unfortunately, it resembles mouse poop.

For us it was couscous in the pantry. It is nearly impossible to get every miniscule grain of couscous up.

YKYTPOATW you have mastered keeping the smile on the inside when someone does something hugely inappropriate yet funny.


----------



## MommyofPunkiePie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
For us it was couscous in the pantry. It is nearly impossible to get every miniscule grain of couscous up.

I thinking, "How would a toddler solve this problem?"









Flood the pantry, of course! Get those little couscous nice and swollen and just sweep them up!


----------



## lalaland42

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommyofPunkiePie* 
I thinking, "How would a toddler solve this problem?"









Flood the pantry, of course! Get those little couscous nice and swollen and just sweep them up!









Brilliant idea! Why didn't I think of that?


----------



## cmom80

YKYATPOATW somebody you picked on in high school walks by, catching you saying in a mouse voice, "OY, dis booshy is such a neetle mooshy-mooshy, noy noy noy!"


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

When DS starts slapping DW on the butt because he saw Daddy do it.







:


----------



## Munchkimo

...if someone in your family thinks toothpaste is a food group.

...if you've ever nearly made super ball stirfry.


----------



## DesertFlower

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
When DS starts slapping DW on the butt because he saw Daddy do it.







:









:


----------



## michelle_mg

when you see your child eating the cereal out of the zip loc bag you recently put in your purse, that by the way was on top of the dinner table...







:


----------



## Begunda

when you find yourself saying "Please don't lick the toilet."


----------



## boingo82

When you have resigned yourself to a significant number of your toddler's calories coming from dog food.


----------



## michelle_mg

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
...you're willing to hold in pee for hours because your sick toddler _finally_ fell asleep and the poor little guy is lying across you with his mouth on one breast, his hand on the other and his butt in the air









btdt so many times... ahhh we love them so much....


----------



## unalmas

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Emese'sMom* 
......You find yourself explaining to strangers why dd is shouting "Nö nö nö nö!" at the top of her lungs and pointing at them ('nö' means 'woman' in Hungarian)

HEEEE!

Another Angol/Magyar mom here. I'm trying to convince my husband that maybe we should just teach our daughter to use English for trees, instead of fák.


----------



## Munchkimo

...if you don't need an alarm clock because your 2yo's bedroom is just across the hallway.

...if you get excited about Lightning McQueen underpants.


----------



## Shanana

If you find yourself trying to poop and read Dr. Seuss' ABC book at the same time. (Out loud, of course.)


----------



## bettysmom

... you're gaining weight because you always eat DC's leftovers, or you're losing weight because DC always wants what you have.


----------



## glowan1

You start to actually reconsider that ketchup may be a vegetable after seeing your toddler eat it by the forkfull.


----------



## nabigus

... your little travel box of tampons buys you 15 minutes of sit-down time as your son takes off the wrappers and turns them into a little mouse family.







:


----------



## DesertFlower

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... your little travel box of tampons buys you 15 minutes of sit-down time as your son takes off the wrappers and turns them into a little mouse family.







:


----------



## Surfacing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shanana* 
If you find yourself trying to poop and read Dr. Seuss' ABC book at the same time. (Out loud, of course.)


----------



## Surfacing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *glowan1* 
You start to actually reconsider that ketchup may be a vegetable after seeing your toddler eat it by the forkfull.


----------



## Munchkimo

You Know You're the Parent of a Toddler When...

You could fill an ice cream bucket with the sand you emptied out of your child's shoes and pockets.

It takes you ten minutes to get upstairs because your child has to investigate every single bit of lint or debris on the stairs to make sure they're not edible or insects...or edible insects, for that matter.


----------



## EnviroBecca

...you have someone demanding to wipe your bottom, and when you decline, he says, "But it's only fair!"


----------



## monkaha

Wanna make your toddler laugh? Call out from the bathroom some time and demand that s/he wipe YOU! DS laid on the floor cracking up for a good 5 min.


----------



## odd-rey

OMG!!! I can't WAIT to try that one tomorrow! We have been really having issues with my 4 year old wiping his own bottom. He doesn't want to get his hands dirty


----------



## Mihelinka

...when your shirts have a variety of mud, food & milk stains on them that aren't yours


----------



## Shanana

When speaking with adults, your sentence completion rate is about 50%, and your story completion rate is about 25%. You and your friends have all given up caring, and learned to appreciate half-completed sentences and stories.


----------



## waylonsmama

Thanks for the laughs mamas. These are great.


----------



## GradysMom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ambrose* 
.... every time you sit on the toilet you repeatedly say "Yes hunny mommy is going yucky--- do you want to try on your potty? ..... please? pretty please? I'll give you some popcorn if you try..."























laughup

... when you can recite "the monster at the end of this book" in double time while dc races to turn all the pages


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GradysMom* 
... when you can recite "the monster at the end of this book" in double time while dc races to turn all the pages

For us it's _Go Dog Go_


----------



## Redifer

... When you're as excited, if not moreso, by fun stickers than your DC.

... When in one day, you've had to say the following phrases:
Stop licking the dog, Don't drink lakewater, Please refrain from spreading your butt cheeks and farting on me every potty trip, Stop turning tampons into rockets, Could you please eat with your fingers instead of your toes....

... When you can't help giggling hysterically at behaviour you probably shouldn't encourage.


----------



## Autumn Breeze

For us the books are Goodnight Moon, and a version of The Lion King....I'm getting really tired of Simba.

And, yeah, "please don't lick me" is another popular phrase.

Ugh, ok, you can have ONE cookie before breakfast.

Why? Because silly mama left them out on the counter, and she caught sight of the box before I could get it out of site. Caught red handed.

....and when you dance around the whole house, with your half naked toddler....singing "You went poopy in the potty" to "I've been working on the railroad"...yeah, did that.

.....when you say "Get out of there, go poop in the living room. (Said the day before te above, when she was hiding from me)


----------



## Surfacing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
... When you're as excited, if not moreso, by fun stickers than your DC.
... When in one day, you've had to say the following phrases:
Stop licking the dog, Don't drink lakewater, Please refrain from spreading your butt cheeks and farting on me every potty trip, Stop turning tampons into rockets, Could you please eat with your fingers instead of your toes....
... When you can't help giggling hysterically at behaviour you probably shouldn't encourage.









: laughup





















:


----------



## hippiemum21580

When you exclaim "BIG TRUCK!" at every tractor trailer that drives past your car on the highway...even when your child is not in the car with you.
When there is a bag of rainbow colored mini marshmallows in your bathroom linen closet because your potty training technique has now resorted to bribery.


----------



## hippiemum21580

No matter how hard you scrub, you can still see the faint markings of Sharpie permanent marker on your computer screen.
There is a matchbox car parked next to teh butter in teh fridge an dyou don't even question why.
You get pegged in the head by yet another matchbox car because it fell off teh fridge which is where my boyfriend put it in a desperate attempt to stop DS from throwing it down the outside stairs for the ten billionth time.


----------



## boingo82

When there is 1 knob on your gas stove.....no, not because you removed them in an effort at safety, but because 16 mo DS has learned to pull them off and has stashed them in mystery locations throughout the house.


----------



## hippiemum21580

You are cooking bacon and your toddler keeps running in and stealing pieces off of teh plate and running into the livingroom to eat them which is where you have laid the newborn down. on the couch to sleep...... Then the little lightbulb over your head clicks on ever so dimmly and you run into the livingroom to discover your three week old with a piece of greasy bacon hanging out of his mouth which he is sucking on like a madman.
After months of trying to teach him the sharing concept why does he choose NOW to do so????


----------



## Fiestabeth

...when you walk in on your toddler jumping on the bed and ask her to stop:

"Please stop jumping on the bed."

_Bounce, bounce, bounce...._

"Mama said stop."

_Bounce, bounce, bounce..._

"I don't want you to fall and get hurt."

_One last big jump then sprawls onto her tummy, saying, "Awwww! Just one more?"_

"No."

_"Just a little one?"_

"No."

_"Just a big one?"_

"No."

_"Just a tiny one?"_

"No."

_"Just a huge one?"_

"Sure. You do that while I bang my head against the wall."


----------



## sophiekat

you no longer have the center part for any of your toilet paper holders because now they're "pogo sticks" for the army of stuffed animals.


----------



## ladybug13

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hippiemum21580* 
No matter how hard you scrub, you can still see the faint markings of Sharpie permanent marker on your computer screen.

LOL! Ours is all over the keyboard.


----------



## guestmama9911

When you can't bed mad at your toddler for drawing on the walls with permanent marker because he's pointing to each scribble and making an animal sound - apparently he believes he has drawn a farm.


----------



## FarmerCathy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When you can't bed mad at your toddler for drawing on the walls with permanent marker because he's pointing to each scribble and making an animal sound - apparently he believes he has drawn a farm.

Isn't that like cave man drawings?


----------



## monkaha

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FarmerCathy* 
Isn't that like cave man drawings?

















He's evolving!!


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *monkaha* 







He's evolving!!









Can't wait until he discovers fire!


----------



## monkaha

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
Can't wait until he discovers fire!
















:


----------



## spughy

... a teddy bear (who has to have his hood up) helps you drive all the way to grandma's house, commenting every time he needs to move the steering wheel or put the indicator on.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

YKYtPoaTW ...

... you have to chase your naked, laughing two-year-old across the house in your underwear because he has your socks.


----------



## brandimn6217

YKYTPOATW:
You are on the phone and stop the conversation to say: "Your toothbrush is for your mouth, not the floor. That's yucky!" and proceed to repeat this phrase with differnt nouns to replace floor: hair, dog, bottom, etc







:

Daddy asks if toddler wants to watch TV for a minute and tries to turn on PBS only to have the toddler insist on Food Network. Must be my son!


----------



## loulie

.. when you're having your hair 'brushed' with a lipgloss stolen out of your handbag whilst trying scrub the most recent crayon stain off the living room wall!


----------



## Sweetest Confection

Just wanted to say that I found this one:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hippiemum21580* 
You are cooking bacon and your toddler keeps running in and stealing pieces off of teh plate and running into the livingroom to eat them which is where you have laid the newborn down. on the couch to sleep...... Then the little lightbulb over your head clicks on ever so dimmly and you run into the livingroom to discover your three week old with a piece of greasy bacon hanging out of his mouth which he is sucking on like a madman.
After months of trying to teach him the sharing concept why does he choose NOW to do so????

And an earlier one with a 3 month old baby sticking her tongue in and out of her mouth with a raisin on the end..

..To be utterly slaying!

I mean it, I laughed until I cried. (I have a 18 month old and a 3.5 month old.)

And I can TOTALLY sympathise with the one about wanting to get to bed around 10, but being so insanely thrilled to have your own time that you end up staying up till midnight or later (and NEEDING coffee the next morning).

Here is my contribution to this thread:

-When you find yourself bringing two paper towels from the kitchen when the cleaning job only calls for one (so your DC can help). And..

-When you find yourself running back to the kitchen to grab yet another clean one to bribe the dirty ones away from DC with.

-Every time you hear a sound, ANY sound, that could in some way be mangled in your head to sound like your screaming child, you go running to check on them. Even if they aren't home. (These sounds could be: someone's stereo, a TV, someone else's kid screaming outside in the opposite direction of your children's last known whereabouts, the cat meowing in the next room, the dog yawning, a car, a siren, etc..) You're sure that the 'oddities' in their crying is caused by whatever horror is making them cry in the first place. ("OMG, she's choking!! OMG! She has something in her mouth! OMG She must have swollowed a whilstle!")

-You start to see innocent couches as evil, disguised enemies (when allied with that menace: gravity), and knowing your toddler WILL take them on.

-You find yourself hoping against all rationality that THIS TIME gravity will abandon the cause.

-You have ever looked up just in time to observe someone standing backwards on a chair, on the edge, and, in total seriousness, sit down (off the edge!) and fall to the floor, sprawled on their back. (My daughter did that about a week ago, it looked SO silly.. and terrible; I was frozen and speechless until her resulting scream brought me back to my senses - I was nursing my son at the time.)


----------



## Sweetest Confection

Not really the same kind of thing, but something I still can't get over.. We're raising our children bilingual (German/English), and my daughter was happily babbling away in her baby-talk and our Italian (non-english-speaking) neighbour asked if she was speaking English because he couldn't understand her!


----------



## Hippiemommie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ladybug13* 
LOL! Ours is all over the keyboard.

Ours is all over our "retro" expensive table. The only expensive piece of furniture we have.


----------



## LittleYellow

When a piece of dog poop on the sidewalk outside your house is a major spectator event. Fortunately it was not a participatory event.


----------



## coloradomama1

you know you're the parent of a toddler when...in a span of 5 hours you hear yourself saying the following-
1. is that poop in your mouth? OMG, that IS poop in your mouth! i know, gross. we are super good about picking up all dog poop in the backyard but somehow a small piece had gotten on our front door step, go figure!

2. pleeeeease stop putting the dog toys into the toilet and then taking them out again to play with them or put them in your mouth. yuck.

3. i don't mind if you pee on the floor while running around naked before tubbies because it's so darn cute but please, don't play in it!

4. pleeeeeease don't let the dogs lick your tongue.

do you detect a theme here or what? i know the mamas with dogs will appreciate these







.


----------



## pookel

When you see nothing odd about including a plastic Darth Vader head Halloween candy bucket in your bedtime story-and-cuddle routine

When you have learned to come up with an answer to the question for "What does xxx say?" whether xxx is a fish, a bunny, or Luke Skywalker.

When you aren't surprised that a pair of Luke Skywalker figurines have become "mommy Luke Skywalker and daddy Luke Skywalker."

Notice a theme here?







Yeah, kid likes Star Wars a LOT.


----------



## lemurik

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pookel* 
When you see nothing odd about including a plastic Darth Vader head Halloween candy bucket in your bedtime story-and-cuddle routine

When you have learned to come up with an answer to the question for "What does xxx say?" whether xxx is a fish, a bunny, or Luke Skywalker.

When you aren't surprised that a pair of Luke Skywalker figurines have become "mommy Luke Skywalker and daddy Luke Skywalker."

Notice a theme here?







Yeah, kid likes Star Wars a LOT.









Pretty sure I am headed for those with my DH being a big fan of Star Wars









YKYTPOATW
-you can't wear anything with buttons or snaps because DC will try to eat them/pull them/open whatever you are wearing
-DC thinks that the top of your shirt + boobs make a good pocket








-you close your eyes for a minute while playing with DC on the floor and end up being covered with all the clean diapers pulled from a box you were sure he has no way of getting to.








-you calculate the time it takes for DC to fall asleep not by minutes but by the number of songs you sing


----------



## MamaPam

When you say things like "Baby sister is not a horsey."
And rather than enjoying silence you know someone is up to mischief.


----------



## sophiekat

YKYTPOATW:
these were in the repertoire last night:
*"no, you may not put peanut butter on your sister"
*"please stop putting cheerios/straws/cat food/mumma's knitting needles/bubble wands in the heating vents (on the floor in our kitchen)"
*"let's share the week-old piece of petrified & mouldy hamburger in your mouth with mumma" (she took it out of her mouth, handed it to me and fully expected i'd put it in my mouth to eat it and threw a fit when i threw it away







)


----------



## Fiestabeth

YKYtPoaTW...when they come up with stuff like this:

Today dd asked to nurse, and I was putting her off and she said, "Dat's what my dreams is, mom! To have nana milk in da bed, play Mario, and eat a Oreo cookie. Dat's what my dreams is!"

Now what kind of mother would I be if I squelched her dreams??







We did all but play Mario.


----------



## mean_jeannie

YKYTPOATW

~you eject your dvd-rom and your check card pops out.

(Actually, ds ejected the dvd-rom to show me that! lol!)

~you find the cell phone you've been missing for days in the trunk of your tot's ride-on car.

~all the dog food has been transported from the dog's dish to the dog's water bowl.

~you have to routinely check the garbage can for non-garbage items before taking it out.

And YES:

Quote:

-When you find yourself bringing two paper towels from the kitchen when the cleaning job only calls for one (so your DC can help). And..

-When you find yourself running back to the kitchen to grab yet another clean one to bribe the dirty ones away from DC with.


----------



## boingo82

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mean_jeannie* 

~all the dog food has been transported from the dog's dish to the dog's water bowl.

OMG yes. When he isn't EATING it, that is.


----------



## monkaha

Oh yeah. Kids with dog breath. My favorite. The best though, is when you have the dog food that makes gravy when you add water. Nothing beats a dog food-gravy baby kiss. mmmmm.....


----------



## Boxofrain

You know you're the parent of a toddler when...

You urgently drag your ds into the public washroom bathroom stall with you for a call from mother nature and he joyfully begins shouting "Poop coming out!" at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear.


----------



## majorsky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
You nearly break your neck tripping over the letter "K" on the way to the bathroom in the dark.

Ooo ooo!! I have so many of these... if only I could remember them.









You know you have a toddler when you have a triangle-shaped bruise on your foot from stepping on a triangle shape (from the Fisher-Price shape-sorting bucket) while your DC is in the same room sleeping and you can't make a peep while you're writhing in pain. And you're proud of yourself for not making a sound and waking the child.









Kristin


----------



## gabysmom617

(Been meaning to add this for days...)

You know you're the parent of a breastfed copycat toddler when within 30 minutes after you've applied your make up, somehow you've ended up with lipstick around your nipple....








:


----------



## Surfacing

: laughup







:


----------



## majorsky

You have large light blotches of various colors on your walls and carpet from a semi-successful attempt to remove large crayon marks... BTW, they were Crayola "washable" crayons. *sigh*

Kristin


----------



## Bug-a-Boo's Mama

YKYPoaTW~
...penis in is a regular part of your vocabulary while PLing.
...while acting like a dog...DC licks DH ear.
...you wonder if you will ever be able to say something once-everything has to be repeated 14 trillion times.
...get out of the garbage is a common place statement.

These are great!








:


----------



## kittygrrl523

eating a popsicle for breakfast seems much healthier than starting out the day with a battle over "helfie choices"

you find your toothbrush in the toilet (YUCK)

you can't find a tissue so you wipe his nose with your shirt and only realize that's slightly disgusting because three people give you the "oh no she didn't" look...


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kittygrrl523* 
you can't find a tissue so you wipe his nose with your shirt and only realize that's slightly disgusting because three people give you the "oh no she didn't" look...

That's disgusting? But it's the snot of my innocent babe!









. . .when you frequently have random old bits of food in your coat pocket or purse (chunk of bagel, half cracker, a couple of raisins, an apple core . . .)

. . .when you bring extra clothes everywhere you go - for yourself.


----------



## sacredmama

After a couple instances of trying to leave the house and having to search for many minutes for the car keys, you finally learned to hang the keys on the hook.

You're faster than anyone you know at finding a lost object.


----------



## majorsky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sacredmama* 
You're faster than anyone you know at finding a lost object.

You have to be that fast or your child would be in a constant state of meltdown.









Kristin


----------



## granola_mom

... when you have to put the cat food up on the highest window cill, and the cats meow at you several times a day and in the middle of the night to carry them up there because it's too high for them, too...and you put up with it all so your toddler won't eat it before the cats do.


----------



## granola_mom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Boxofrain* 
You know you're the parent of a toddler when...

You urgently drag your ds into the public washroom bathroom stall with you for a call from mother nature and he joyfully begins shouting "Poop coming out!" at the top of his lungs for everyone to hear.


----------



## annanicole

When you see your toddler standing in the middle of your glass dining room table and you simply look at him and say get down off of there.

my husband laughed so hard at me. Apparently I have been broken in to no longer freaking out.

When you tell your ds no honey we don't share our sandwich with the doggies.

You soothe your conscience by giving them oatmeal cookies for breakfast.


----------



## Surfacing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *granola_mom* 
... when you have to put the cat food up on the highest window cill, and the cats meow at you several times a day and in the middle of the night to carry them up there because it's too high for them, too...and you put up with it all so your toddler won't eat it before the cats do.









:


----------



## ~Megan~

You have to give them a bath after breakfast because he's covered himself in yogurt from head to toe.

Going to do this now....


----------



## maddymama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeaninevp922* 
You find yourself saying crazy things like "Cats are not for eating"
























~maddymama


----------



## Pinkgerbil

Phone missing? Check your shoes
No binkies? Check your shoes
The dog leash is MIA? Check yoru shoes
Wheres daddys wallet? In his SHOES!

My husband wears knee high boots, once he pulled an entire playskool tea set and some added spoons, two binkies, and our daughters lamby from them. All at once.


----------



## mchalehm

You lean over and a Cheerio falls out of your bra, so you eat it.


----------



## sophiekat

YKYTPOATW . . . . when you have an injury requiring a band aid, your toddler gets one (or 7) too -- and both of you have backyardigan bandaids because you can't find the plain ones


----------



## zen_monster

When you're in the middle of getting your Gynecological exam and you feel your little one pulling on your toes and asking for boobie.


----------



## Surfacing

This thread is so great!!!!







:







:







:


----------



## FarmerCathy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mchalehm* 
You lean over and a Cheerio falls out of your bra, so you eat it.









:


----------



## nigellas

YKYAPoaTW

Getting ready in the morning puts yoga moves to shame: Feet alternating from the toilet to the diaper pail to keep the little hands from fishing, all while keeping a knee solidly on the sink cabinet doors. Arms must also be in a constant state of motion, keeping toothbrush, paste, makeup, lotion, etc, out of reach - If I'm distracted for even a second, any (or all) of the items will end up in with ever "pot" was without a foot guard.

And related:

YKYAPofTW you fish your favorite make up brush out of the toilet, think to yourself "I need to wash this really well, then it'll be OK to use again", get distracted by said toddler and then use it unwashed the next morning before you remember the swim it had.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pinkgerbil* 
Phone missing? Check your shoes
No binkies? Check your shoes
The dog leash is MIA? Check yoru shoes
Wheres daddys wallet? In his SHOES!

When I started to read this outloud to DW, it came out in the tune of the Poo Song (about a minute-and-a-half in) from the musical episode of _Scrubs_


----------



## nabigus

... when you have to say something 23 times for it to sink in... UNLESS it's a word you don't want your toddler to know, in which case it only takes once.


----------



## Baby Makes 4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When you find undigested popcorn kernals at the bottom of your washer after doing a diaper load.

Popcorn kernels, grape skins and the clear membrane from mandarin oranges are regulars in our washing machine. Yuck!

YKYATPoaTW

Your 2 year old goes pee in the potty and EVERYONE gets a gummy bear and we all sing Happy Birthday. (Hey, whatever works)


----------



## cheygirl

...when your station wagon has that faint but permanent expired cheese sandwich smell and you can't pinpoint the source!


----------



## sophiekat

YKYTPOATW . . . .
your dh's co-workers have quite the laugh listening to his end of a phone conversation with your 2 year old -- "yay! it's so great to go poopy in the potty! . . . . yes, i'm wearing my big girl underpants too . . . . no, mine aren't as pretty as yours. yes, i did know that the poopy goes down the potty."

can you tell we're potty learning?


----------



## utopia760

- your excited to see an airplaine

- its normal to have crumbs on the floor

- you cant have a truly peace full bath before 10 pm


----------



## FarmerCathy

- when even though your dc isn't in the car you almost get excited about airplanes and then remember they aren't in the car with you and are bummed you can't tell them about it.


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mchalehm* 
You lean over and a Cheerio falls out of your bra, so you eat it.

OMG, this one has me snorting.


----------



## granola_mom

... when you've been using speaker phone because you haven't been able to find your portable phone. Then, after two weeks, the diaper service delivery guy kindly returns it with a smirk.


----------



## texasmommatotwo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
..._That's Not My Puppy..._ becomes deeply philosophical after its 350th reading.


thank you...i laughed so hard, tears came to my eyes, and my son just looked at me....

thank you thank you!!!! aj


----------



## eli janine

Remember the thrill of beating the next level of your favorite video game? Now replaced with "Snap-crotch pants and a moving-toddler"

You just automatically search under the couch, TV stand, or dining room table when you need a: tupperware container, measuring spoon, car keys, or what the heck, a little snack of breakfast cereal!

You have dismissed certain social conventions as just no longer applicable, such as matching socks or the absence of snot on your shoulder/knee.


----------



## AntoninBeGonin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NewCrunchyDaddy* 
*
So... finish the sentence "You Know You're the Parent of a Toddler When..."
*
*
*
*
every drawer in the kitchen is emptied several times a day







.*


----------



## Mommy2Austin

...When you go to make lunch and hear "Bapple" being repeated and go in the livingroom to find somehow he got your tomato off the counter and is now halfway through eating it like a "Bapple"*sigh*


----------



## Baby Makes 4

You're talking to a complete stranger on the phone about buying their computer desk and you keep having to interrupt your conversation to say things like:

"Yay you poo-pooed in the potty!"

"Pee- pee too? Way to go bud!"

"No, Mommy doesn't need to pee pee right now, Mommy's talking on the phone"


----------



## ktbug

You find yourself saying things like "NO NO NO NO DON'T put the tiger in the toilet!!!!!! thank you ...")

You point out fire trucks to your adult friends out of habit

You narrate every single thing you do, whether kiddo is around or not
("Now mommy's taking off her coat. Aaaand now we're gonna put the keys on the hook, then we'll go potty!")

All furry animals are called meow, all round fruits and vegetables are apple, all the Teletubbies are La-la, and all meat is ham, unless it's gock gock.


----------



## orlandoivfrn

I don't normally post here but I have been crying for 30 minutes laughing so hard!! To the point that my three year old is annoyed "Stop waffing Mama Shell!! STOP IT!!!"

How 'bout when you are innocently folding laundry and all of the sudden hear a muffled "HELLO? HELLO? Is everything ok? Do you need police or ambulance?" You look on the floor and realize your 2 year old has dialed 911 AND managed to hit "talk".....again! (This happened twice 2 months apart!)









The dispatcher threatened us with a fine if it happened one more time. Oops.









This is hysterical......gotta love those toddlers!!!









Michelle


----------



## gabysmom617

Your in a glazed over daze at work, folding shirts to put on display, when something falls, you yell UH OH!!!! very loudly before remembering where you are... The manager looks at you askance.


----------



## orlandoivfrn

Ok, I just remembered this one:

When you notice out of the corner of your eye that your 18 month old is quietly chewing on something with her mouth closed. You suddenly realize you gave her NOTHING to eat recently and race over. Fearing the worst (razor blade, etc) you pry her mouth open and find a strange green substance coating her tongue, the outside of her lips and actually wedged in between her teeth.









It dawns on you that she has managed to scrape a piece of bird poop off the patio and is having a snack with it.uke

After you vomit, scream and vomit some more you manage to clean it out best you can. You then actually contemplate pouring bleach in her mouth. Knowing you can do no such thing, you call the pediatrician and it takes them 20 minutes to convince you she will NOT get Avian Bird Flu from the tasty morsel.

The worst thing is that I think she was actually enjoying it.









I am still watching for symptoms of Avian Flu 1 1/2 years later.

Michelle


----------



## Boodah'smama

you learn the hard way that you actually have to check your kiddo's pockets when doing laundry, as to not repeat the "purple crayon in the dryer incident..."


----------



## Otterella

You find yourself saying the following things:
"Kitties don't need to eat with spoons. Or get hit with spoons. Give Mommy the spoon."
"The kitties don't want you dipping your grilled cheese in their water dish."
"Cell phones don't go in the garbage."

You have a piece of plexiglas velcroed in front of your components just to keep little hands away from buttons long enough to watch a movie. But those little hands know perfectly well how velcro works.

You suddenly realize your baby's feet reach past your knees when nursing in bed. But he still pulls them up to stick his toes in your belly button and giggles hysterically. Without breaking his latch.


----------



## yorkshiremama

....you find a pork chop bone in the video player. You haven't eaten pork for days.


----------



## Ligeia

I bring my dd to work with me everyday and a few weeks ago, my keys went mysteriously missing while there. I looked everywhere and eventually made a whole new set off of dh's. A week or so later, I was getting a paper bag out of the cabinet to put a customer's things in and it was jingling. She'd put my keys in the bag, folded it neatly back up and put it away in the cabinet. Similar key incidents have also occurred involving drawers, the fridge, animal cages, and toy boxes.


----------



## ryleeee

...you leave your son with your husband for 20 minutes to buy a well-needed coffee and find yourself singing dan zanes loudly at the drive through window.

...you look up to find everyone around you stifling laughter while you explain (rather impatiently) to your 2 year old that it is still not acceptable to spit in grocery stores and have them (boredly) recite the three places they are allowed to spit (the garbage, the bath, and outside) back to you.

...you no longer refer to machines as excavators or dump trucks, everything is now known as BOB'S and you and your husband find yourselves singing the bob the builder theme song in the car at the top of your lungs to keep your 2 year old happy...but no, not just singing. HARMONIZING with each other. complete with the "doo doo doo doooooo" part at the end.

...you have cat-like reflexes when it comes to stopping sneaky little hands from stuffing magnets, chopsticks, noodles, and crayons in the chinchilla's cage.

...you can't remember the last book you read that didn't begin with "this is george. george is a good little monkey and always very curious. today george is going to _________________ with his friend, the man in the yellow hat"


----------



## ryleeee

Quote:

- explaining to my son that no, Pale Green Pants don't really ride bikes.

Quote:

You have clink cups together and say "cheers" about 10 times every time you pick up your cup for a drink.









i seriously relate to SO MANY of these.


----------



## Surfacing

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ryleeee* 
...you leave your son with your husband for 20 minutes to buy a well-needed coffee and find yourself singing dan zanes loudly at the drive through window.

...you and your husband find yourselves singing the bob the builder theme song in the car at the top of your lungs to keep your 2 year old happy...but no, not just singing. HARMONIZING with each other.

...you can't remember the last book you read that didn't begin with "this is george."
















:


----------



## orlandoivfrn

When your glasses are held together on the sides with masking tape and the lenses with Scotch tape (clear gift wrap variety to facilitate actually SEEING through them). You refuse to answer the door in them for fear a visitor passes out at the sight of you.

Oh, and the ear piece part is permanently missing because your toddler thought the glasses were a great chew toy for the dog. Wearing said glasses feels like your brain is being pierced.

You can't afford to fix them because NOBODY told you how expensive this toddler would be!


----------



## Blue Lotus

When you, DH, and DD spend 45 minutes on the bed (that you were trying to make) blowing a band-aid around while DD laughs hysterically trying to catch it. Now why a band-aid? Well, the week before we all had colds and when DH and I put on those nose strips that help you breathe at night, dd wanted one too. She loves bandaids now!


----------



## Enudely

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbad* 
........you hear yourself yelling "don't stick that bead in your butt".


----------



## superflippy

...when you understand perfectly well what "Mah yoo ot. Yok ot." means. (my shoe off, sock off)

...when you're seriously considering buying one of these because you are so tired of trying to keep your 2-year-old from breaking his DVDs and the DVD player. On the one hand, that's a lot of money for a gadget that you still have to buy movies for. On the other hand, the thought of never having the "want to push buttons/put the disk in" tantrum ever again is tempting.


----------



## SeekingSerenity

...you know the words to "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" by heart.

...you find yourself humming the theme to Blue's Clues while setting up appointments at work for your boss.

...someone at work asks you for a pen and you ask them what "cullie" they want.

...all meat is "chicken," all animals are "kitties" unless they're horses, and all snacks that come in an individual sized bags are "tappa chips" unless it's candy.

...you fill your purse with lollipops from your co-workers candy dishes to be stashed for car-ride screaming emergencies, and you find that you're picking out the red ones only. (AND you think of them in toddler-ese, i.e, "oooh, look a bunch of red uskers!")

...instead of asking "May I have a piece?" of someone's birthday cake or pizza during a lunch gathering, you catch yourself just before screaming, "I wan' by-bite! I wan' by-bite, too!"

...you hear yourself saying, "No, you can't cut your sister's eyelashes!" and "Take the toilet paper out of your butt cheeks BEFORE you pull up your pants!"

...it becomes a morning ritual to tip your shoes up in order to empty them of crayons, letter beads, hot wheels, petrified Kix cereal, legos, wads of paper, miniature My Little Ponies, motorcycles and/or hanging monkeys.


----------



## BensMamacita

...when you shout and wave at the garbage truck, even when you're on your lunchbreak, downtown, in a suit, with no kiddos around.


----------



## Eben'sMama

When you're driving by yourself and you feel a pang of wistful guilt at seeing a city bus or a school bus, because your toddler is missing out on it.


----------



## fenwickmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BensMamacita* 
...when you shout and wave at the garbage truck, even when you're on your lunchbreak, downtown, in a suit, with no kiddos around.










Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eben'sMama* 
When you're driving by yourself and you feel a pang of wistful guilt at seeing a city bus or a school bus, because your toddler is missing out on it.









:


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *superflippy* 
...when you're seriously considering buying one of these because you are so tired of trying to keep your 2-year-old from breaking his DVDs and the DVD player. On the one hand, that's a lot of money for a gadget that you still have to buy movies for. On the other hand, the thought of never having the "want to push buttons/put the disk in" tantrum ever again is tempting.

_Seriously_ ... I bought one of those doohickeys that allows us to play the videos on our iPods on the TV (not the iTV, just something that hooks into the back of the set and you plug the iPod into) but I have been contemplating one of these because then I wouldn't even need to fight over plugging the iPod in.

You know ... Bush promised $1000 tax rebates/refunds sometime later this year ... hmmmmmmmm ...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
...you hear yourself saying ... "Take the toilet paper out of your butt cheeks BEFORE you pull up your pants!"









:


----------



## ryleeee

...you have to explain to the plumber that the toilet is plugged because a spongebob toothbrush and possibly a toy car and a fork have found there way down there...mysteriously.

...your friends don't even ask anymore about the lion they hear growling and roaring into the phone.

...you find yourself feeding your kid pieces of food mouth to mouth like a birdy in an attempt to get them to eat something other than gum.


----------



## FarmerCathy

....when you have a piece of cardboard taped over the tv buttons on the tv so you can watch a movie. Those plastic covers only last 5 seconds.


----------



## heidirk

...you find your hairbrush floating in the toilet.

....'oa noah, da mohah' translates literally as Oh no! I can't see the moon!

....every single banana in the bowl has exactly one bite taken out of it.


----------



## Way Up North

.. you feel intensely dumb for thinking that the imaginary cookies on your shirt must be the buttons when your toddler looks at you pityingly and says "those are BUTTONS mommy, the cookies are there" (pointing at the empty space to the RIGHT of the buttons, of course.

...you and your partner know fully and completely the meaning of 'poo toot'

...it seems logical to say "you want to do a dance? It's time for the putting on your coat and boots and leaving the house dance"

...your dog is a cheetah, your spouse is a nutbutt and you are, in rotation, Mommy Penguin, Mommy Golden Spider or Mommy Polar Bear.


----------



## Hippie Mama in MI

When driving 5 miles to the store (for milk) without the baby is "me time".

When most of your sex life takes place on the sofa instead of in your bed, because ds is IN your bed.

When you know all the words to "Won't You Be My Neighbor" and all the other children's tv songs.

When "getting dressed up to go out" means wearing something other than sweat pants.

When you discover boogers on your clothes that are not yours.

When you find yourself saying things like, "Look, Mr. Bear wants to go night-night. See how sleeeeeeeepy Mr. Bear is?"

When you find yourself wondering if a child might be poisoned by eating underarm deodorant.

When you find bite-marks on your stationary bike.

When you decide that, rather than wait until tomorrow morning to go buy fever medicine for your child, you will go RIGHT NOW, at three thirty in the morning, even though the doctor has just told you he will probably be okay without it until morning and the nearest 24 hour store that carries Motrin is 30 miles away.

When you lay down and snuggle with your child, to help him get to sleep... and you decide that instead of getting up again and doing chores like you planned, you'll just stay right here because it's snuggly and nice.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When driving 5 miles to the store (for milk) without the baby is "me time".

Or being in a classroom supervising 20+ hormonal and antsy 8th Graders; or sitting in an advanced literary theory class.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When most of your sex life takes place on the sofa instead of in your bed, because ds is IN your bed.









: Too true! Its a good thing DW and I bought a nice roomy sectional a year or two ago before DS was born!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When you discover boogers on your clothes that are not yours.









: Just discovered this last night.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When you find yourself wondering if a child might be poisoned by eating underarm deodorant.

Again,







: was ust thinkin' this two days ago.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When you lay down and snuggle with your child, to help him get to sleep... and you decide that instead of getting up again and doing chores like you planned, you'll just stay right here because it's snuggly and nice.

Am contemplating joining DS, DW and DD right now in this same situation.


----------



## ryansma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 

When you lay down and snuggle with your child, to help him get to sleep... and you decide that instead of getting up again and doing chores like you planned, you'll just stay right here because it's snuggly and nice.









Yep! This especially now that I am pregnant and realizing my little boy is going to be a BIG brother and is growing up so fast


----------



## ecoteat

When the car stereo is broken, so you find yourself singing "Down By the Bay", "My Favorite Things", or "Old MacDonald" when you are driving alone.


----------



## Eben'sMama

"Baby Beluga" is now the soundtrack to your entire life.

You see your DC walking around the house, holding your scientific calculator from high school calculus to his ear, saying, "Hi Gamma, Hi-do Gamma" (that's "Hi Grandma, Hello Grandma" to those of you who don't speak Ebenese







).


----------



## AppleCrisp

...when your big toe nail is broken, and sharp enough to rip a hole in your socks and nip little cuts on your other leg while you're sleeping, but it takes three days for you to muster the time, energy, and planning to find the clippers and cut it.

Also, when you find tiny, picture perfect jelly handprints on the back of your pants (AFTER you get to work, naturally).


----------



## Wittyone

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eben'sMama* 
When you're driving by yourself and you feel a pang of wistful guilt at seeing a city bus or a school bus, because your toddler is missing out on it.

You nailed it


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Shortly after my last post, this scenario and the following conversation happened, and I just had to share:

DD wanders up and starts rummaging in my coat pocket (coat is hanging on the back of the chair I happen to be sitting in). I ask her what she is looking for. "You bing me sumpin special?" she asks, having gotten the idea from her big brother that I always should have treats lurking in my purse and pockets.

Instead, this time, she finds a glove. She holds it up, looks at it suspiciously for a minute (we live in Texas so kid-gloves are not an automatic wardrobe necessity) and then her face lights up. "It's a kwap!" she declares triumphantly. Meaning, of course, a clap. A glove... looks like a hand... hands go clap... you mamas get it.

(The following conversation has been translated into "Adult"...)

me: "What did you find, sweetie?"

dd: "It's a clap!"

me: "A wh... oh! A clap!"

dd: "Mama, is it yours?"

me: "Yes, baby, it's mine."

dd: "Mama... where did you get the clap?"

me: *silence*

dd: "Did you get the clap from Daddy?"

me: *snickering* "Umm..."

dd: "I'll ask." (little feet run across room to where dad's on the couch.)

dd: "Daddy? Daddy? You gave mama the clap! Why did you give mama the clap?"

(I'm







at this point)

dh: no response... just that raised eyebrow and slow turn to look at me like... what _exactly_ have you been telling her???

I couldn't make that kind of stuff up... and that, as we are all too familiar with, is a perfect example of Life with a Toddler.


----------



## Limabean1975

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AppleCrisp* 
...when your big toe nail is broken, and sharp enough to rip a hole in your socks and nip little cuts on your other leg while you're sleeping, but it takes three days for you to muster the time, energy, and planning to find the clippers and cut it.


Ha ha ha!! OMG, SO TRUE.


----------



## ryansma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Shortly after my last post, this scenario and the following conversation happened, and I just had to share:

DD wanders up and starts rummaging in my coat pocket (coat is hanging on the back of the chair I happen to be sitting in). I ask her what she is looking for. "You bing me sumpin special?" she asks, having gotten the idea from her big brother that I always should have treats lurking in my purse and pockets.

Instead, this time, she finds a glove. She holds it up, looks at it suspiciously for a minute (we live in Texas so kid-gloves are not an automatic wardrobe necessity) and then her face lights up. "It's a kwap!" she declares triumphantly. Meaning, of course, a clap. A glove... looks like a hand... hands go clap... you mamas get it.

(The following conversation has been translated into "Adult"...)

me: "What did you find, sweetie?"

dd: "It's a clap!"

me: "A wh... oh! A clap!"

dd: "Mama, is it yours?"

me: "Yes, baby, it's mine."

dd: "Mama... where did you get the clap?"

me: *silence*

dd: "Did you get the clap from Daddy?"

me: *snickering* "Umm..."

dd: "I'll ask." (little feet run across room to where dad's on the couch.)

dd: "Daddy? Daddy? You gave mama the clap! Why did you give mama the clap?"

(I'm







at this point)

dh: no response... just that raised eyebrow and slow turn to look at me like... what _exactly_ have you been telling her???

I couldn't make that kind of stuff up... and that, as we are all too familiar with, is a perfect example of Life with a Toddler.

HA


----------



## Mommy2Austin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
Shortly after my last post, this scenario and the following conversation happened, and I just had to share:

DD wanders up and starts rummaging in my coat pocket (coat is hanging on the back of the chair I happen to be sitting in). I ask her what she is looking for. "You bing me sumpin special?" she asks, having gotten the idea from her big brother that I always should have treats lurking in my purse and pockets.

Instead, this time, she finds a glove. She holds it up, looks at it suspiciously for a minute (we live in Texas so kid-gloves are not an automatic wardrobe necessity) and then her face lights up. "It's a kwap!" she declares triumphantly. Meaning, of course, a clap. A glove... looks like a hand... hands go clap... you mamas get it.

(The following conversation has been translated into "Adult"...)

me: "What did you find, sweetie?"

dd: "It's a clap!"

me: "A wh... oh! A clap!"

dd: "Mama, is it yours?"

me: "Yes, baby, it's mine."

dd: "Mama... where did you get the clap?"

me: *silence*

dd: "Did you get the clap from Daddy?"

me: *snickering* "Umm..."

dd: "I'll ask." (little feet run across room to where dad's on the couch.)

dd: "Daddy? Daddy? You gave mama the clap! Why did you give mama the clap?"

(I'm







at this point)

dh: no response... just that raised eyebrow and slow turn to look at me like... what _exactly_ have you been telling her???

I couldn't make that kind of stuff up... and that, as we are all too familiar with, is a perfect example of Life with a Toddler.

That is just too beautiful for words laughup


----------



## *GreenMama*

...you have attempted to read this post several times today, but instead of being allowed the luxury you have 1) stopped DS from climbing onto your newly refinished dining room table 2) cleaned the poo he just flung from his diaper onto the kitchen floor 3) read the "Winnie the Pooh Touch and Feel Book" 10 times in a row 4) chased a previously completely dressed, now nekkid DS around the kitchen, dining room, and living room as you try to put SOMETHING on him 5) oh forget it.....


----------



## AppleCrisp

.....when you can instantly distinguish, no matter where you are in the house, the "thunk" of toddler head hitting on something and be able to tell from the sound of the "thunk" and the resulting wail

1. what they hit (hardwood floor, coffee table, toilet, closed door...)
2. whether its a no biggie, a medium ooopsie, or a holy crap get the band-aids and ice pack!!! event


----------



## letniaLynne

When your food looks like a bunch of animals to you since your DD imagines everything she is eating to be some kind of animal. Worms, farm animals, pets, you name it. Oh and everything has mommies and babies, like the big green beans are mommy worms and the little ones are baby worms.

You also start eating your food into intresting animal shapes to play with her little food animals. (If she is eating something that can be shaped when biting off chunks into something that is more animal like she does. like bite the toast into something that has a head and have it walk all over the table before she bites the head off "YUMMY, YUMMY" she says)


----------



## granolalight

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When you count grocery shopping as cardiovascular exercise.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *nabigus* 
... when you no longer have to use your imagination to picture a 32 oz bag of grits spread around your living room.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When you find undigested popcorn kernals at the bottom of your washer after doing a diaper load.










I just barely managed to stop one of these from going into ds's mouth this morning as he was exploring around the trash can in the pantry... ew...


----------



## mack

When you play a weekly game of "What's that smell and where's it coming from????"

and

When you are so used to "going potty" in front of your child you find yourself going in front of other family members too....


----------



## GradysMom

-you pee in the middle of the night while holding a 17mo in one arm and try to get tp with the other in the dark while asking them not to fuss and wake anyone else up... please just let mommy go pee pee real quick

-they point to the floor and yell down to get dad out of THE chair so he can have milkies in it

-helping you bake means that thier puffed rice, or raisins or cheerios will get added to the batter, as well as all the measuring spoons


----------



## hibana

Half of the steps on your staircase have small items on them... saucepan lid, wooden puzzle piece, your cell phone, daddy's sock, several items of silverware, some odd bit of cardboard from the trash, stick of kindling for your woodstove, leather work glove, playsilk and a piece of soggy toast. You know how to navigate said staircase in the dark without stepping on things or falling down.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mack* 
When you play a weekly game of "What's that smell and where's it coming from????"


Quote:


Originally Posted by *GradysMom* 
-you pee in the middle of the night while holding a 17mo in one arm and try to get tp with the other in the dark while asking them not to fuss and wake anyone else up... please just let mommy go pee pee real quick


laughup


----------



## granolalight

Quote:


Originally Posted by **HolisticMama** 
...you have attempted to read this post several times today, but instead of being allowed the luxury you have 1) stopped DS from climbing onto your newly refinished dining room table 2) cleaned the poo he just flung from his diaper onto the kitchen floor 3) read the "Winnie the Pooh Touch and Feel Book" 10 times in a row 4) chased a previously completely dressed, now nekkid DS around the kitchen, dining room, and living room as you try to put SOMETHING on him 5) oh forget it.....









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AppleCrisp* 
.....when you can instantly distinguish, no matter where you are in the house, the "thunk" of toddler head hitting on something and be able to tell from the sound of the "thunk" and the resulting wail

1. what they hit (hardwood floor, coffee table, toilet, closed door...)
2. whether its a no biggie, a medium ooopsie, or a holy crap get the band-aids and ice pack!!! event











Quote:


Originally Posted by *hibana* 
Half of the steps on your staircase have small items on them... saucepan lid, wooden puzzle piece, your cell phone, daddy's sock, several items of silverware, some odd bit of cardboard from the trash, stick of kindling for your woodstove, leather work glove, playsilk and a piece of soggy toast. You know how to navigate said staircase in the dark without stepping on things or falling down.









:

OMG these are so funny. DH and I read these and get a lot of laughs. Keep 'em comin'!


----------



## Otterella

You find the DVD remote in the spatula drawer.


----------



## ryleeee

...you find yourself yelling from time to time phrases such as:

"STOP PAINTING YOUR BUTTCRACK!"

or

"DO NOT PUT THE PAINTBRUSH UP YOUR PICO!!!!!!!!"


----------



## Doula Dani

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Otterella* 
You find the DVD remote in the spatula drawer.

Oh I may have you beat-

when you find your cell phone INSIDE of the printer. Yes the computer printer.


----------



## gabysmom617

Ooo! I wondered when this thread was going to resurface!

..When you're listening to your best friends constant, breathless yammering about her life on the phone, only to suddenly interrupt her yelling to your toddler, "*Yay! Pee pee in potty! Yay!*...Ok, sorry, go on..." ...Well, it's tradition! You can't finish off a pee pee without fanfare! That would be unheard of!

Even at night, my cranky whiny toddler wakes up, cries to be put on his potty, and whines and moans: Yay!! pee pee in potty!







with tears and disdain when he's done and then he staggers back to bed.

Oh and also this:

Ykytpoatw:

While sitting in the middle of the floor with papers spread all around you that you're trying to file into the new filing cabinet, you hear yourself saying, "Please don't "write" on mommy's important papers with your wee-wee, monk. Thanks. "


----------



## SeekingSerenity

DD had a meltdown last night. Screaming, fit-pitching, wall-eyed hissy fit.

Because she couldn't take the moon to bed with her. Yes, the moon - the real one. "GIVE HER TO ME!!!!!!!!!!" DD screamed. Trying to explain the logistical and physical impossibilities associated with bringing a planetoid into the bedroom only made things worse.

Yes, it's interesting around here sometimes!!


----------



## granolalight

... you walk into your kitchen (that you just swept 2 hours ago) and see the following items on the floor: 2 goldfish crackers, a collander, a watercolor paint set, a book, and a bottle of tartar sauce.


----------



## mija y mijo

You walk into your living room to find little drawings in black ink all over your couch.

You find magnetic letters in your cupboards.

You can't seem to walk through the house without stepping on something (a squished pea, cheerio, macaroni noodle, etc.) no matter how many times you sweep or vacuum.

You have random things (books, toy trains, hair brush, etc.) thrown into the bathtub while you're trying to take a shower.

You tend to find clean Kleenex all over the house.


----------



## EStreetMama

When you find yourself extending this invitation several times a day:

"Mama has to pee...wanna come too?"


----------



## zoie2013

OMG! I read the whole thing! Too bad I can't have that coffee in the morning. And I'm too tired to add any of my own now.

Thank you all for the posts. I haven't laughed this hard in forever. Keep this hysterical thread going and them coming...


----------



## LucyRev

When you really truly wish you could retrieve the poop you just flushed down the potty, because your little girl is crying big fat sad tears while pointing into the swirling pot saying, "NOOOO!! Me! Poooop miiiiiiine! Pooop, meee!! NO NO NO NO!"
Then she runs off to lay her head on the floor and cry dramatically and you rub her chubby little bum a million times because you are incapable of resisting it's soft baby butt-ness.

When you catch a half chewed bite on pb&j that your daughter just spit out and is about to land on the carpet. Instead of getting up to throw it away, you just eat it yourself.


----------



## guestmama9911

When all the toys appearing under the melting snow make it Christmas all over again!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Time to







this thread again...


----------



## guestmama9911

YKYTPOATW...

You can tell how long it has been since you cleaned out the car by the strata underneath your toddler's car seat...


----------



## linguistmama

DD1: "What does the baby smell like?"
Me: "Um, like a baby."
DD1: "NO! She smells like poop!"

And the baby wasn't even poopy! Besides the baby's poop smells like buttered popcorn







:


----------



## guestmama9911

When there are more toys in the back yard then there are in the toy room.


----------



## Mollyma

Hilarious! Thanks for sharing everyone and great thread to the papa who started it! I find myself wanting to be on par with everyone's comments and I think I'm so overcome by every toddler's and parents realities of daily life, I can't think straight!


----------



## Mommy2Austin

YKYTPOATW....

"Uh-Oh" brings a host of scenarios of whats happened into your head.

Silence is no longer relaxing for you. It scares the pants off you!! LOL


----------



## Carlyle

You would voluntarily pee into an empty salad bowl in the backseat of a moving car rather than stop the car and risk waking the sleeping toddler...

(I am laughing so hard at this thread! Especially the "did you get the clap from daddy?" from post 657...OMG, I was rolling!







Thanks all for sharing the stories!


----------



## Novella

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
...when you mention to your partner that it's probably about time for a diaper change, and your child pats his crotch (outside all clothing) and says firmly, "Seems dry."

...when you get a big hug and kiss from your partner as you leave for work every single day, because your child insists.









OK, I don't even need to read most of the 35 pages b/c I'm pretty sure these are the BEST TWO. . . for opposite reasons, obviously! Thanks!


----------



## guestmama9944

When you're amongst grown-ups and catch yourself using words like "ucky" and don't even realize until later.

My dad prides himself on his truck. He says you could eat off his floorboards, they're so clean. So what? You can eat off MY floorboards too. There's actually food there.







:

I can remember when my husband was grossed out by the littlest thing. A while ago we were in a restaurant and one of the girls started making those pre-puking noises. No where to go, nothing to grab, so he just reached over and caught it in his bare hands. Didn't even flinch. Good times


----------



## macca333

-You find cardboard tubes down the toilet.

-You are dressed immaculately until breakfast starts.

-Cleaning poop off walls is a weekly occurence.

- You find that banana squished in a plantpot.

-Yu have fun filled days with a precious gift !!







:


----------



## mean_jeannie

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wendyjoe* 
My dad prides himself on his truck. He says you could eat off his floorboards, they're so clean. So what? You can eat off MY floorboards too. There's actually food there.







:

I can remember when my husband was grossed out by the littlest thing. A while ago we were in a restaurant and one of the girls started making those pre-puking noises. No where to go, nothing to grab, so he just reached over and caught it in his bare hands. Didn't even flinch. Good times

































yeah, those are hilarious!


----------



## elisheva

You've had to field phone calls from the 911 operator about how your 16 month old managed to dial "9112" and hit talk. "No, maam, there's no emergency..."


----------



## DklovesMkandJK

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hippie Mama in MI* 
When driving 5 miles to the store (for milk) without the baby is "me time".

When most of your sex life takes place on the sofa instead of in your bed, because ds is IN your bed.

When you find yourself wondering if a child might be poisoned by eating underarm deodorant.

.

yeah, that.

We chucke when people sit on out couch because it is the usual sex spot.(hey, we lay down a blanket)







:

Nope - not poisionous. Apparently pretty yucky but not dangerous.....at least according to the PA poision control hotline









YKYTPOATW:

You catch yourself singing some annoying children's song.
Loudly.
In the grocery store.
By yourself.

You spell all swear words, regardless of who you're talking to.

You just smile and shake your head when you hear the childless discuss what 'their children' will and will not do. Then laugh openly when you and your girlfriends talk about your own 'lists' from before your kids were born.
(I was never going to have a baby in my bed


----------



## Doula Dani

Quote:


Originally Posted by *macca333* 
-Cleaning poop off walls is a weekly occurence.











Man, that is officially my least favorite part of having a toddler. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one clean poop off walls though!


----------



## Doula Dani

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DklovesMkandJK* 
You just smile and shake your head when you hear the childless discuss what 'their children' will and will not do. Then laugh openly when you and your girlfriends talk about your own 'lists' from before your kids were born.
(I was never going to have a baby in my bed
















Hallelujah sister!


----------



## Doula Dani

Ok- serial posting!

Ykytpoatw-

You're no longer frightened of the child choking on things, and when the child DOES choke on things, you can reach over with one hand, beat them on the back until the thing comes up, all without taking your eyes off of your book.


----------



## Pumpkin_Pie

YKYTPOATW-

All of your kitchen chairs are lying on the floor on their sides, and most of your living room furniture too. Oh, and the stroller too, just for good measure.

You find yourself actually saying, "Please don't kiss the kitty's bum Sweetie".

You squat down on your lawn to pee rather than tear your toddler kicking and screaming from his sandbox to go inside with you.


----------



## Pumpkin_Pie

You think nothing of chewing something up and then fishing a big chunk of it out of your mouth and offering your toddler a "taste". (DS loves anything that comes out of my mouth.







)


----------



## kirstenb

You no longer flinch when your toddler grabs a large handful of dirt and starts to eat it.

You are constantly finding small toys and utensils in your kitchen trash.


----------



## Shazer

You have no difficulty eating the remains of your child's lunch so you won't waste food - whether the remains are covered in slobber or partially chewed.


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kirstenb* 
You are constantly finding small toys and utensils in your kitchen trash.

We have to check the trash every time we are ready to take it out - there is inevitably a toy or other treasure in there!


----------



## Eben'sMama

: Don't I know it! We recently lost the blue guy to our wooden people mover and are missing one Swaddlebees OCV diaper ($24!). I have turned.this.house.upside.down. I asked DS1 if he threw them away and he said "yes" and smiled devilishly. Awesome. I am inclined to believe him, even though he's never done that before.







The trash can now lives on the kitchen counter.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eben'sMama* 







: Don't I know it! We recently lost the blue guy to our wooden people mover and are missing one Swaddlebees OCV diaper ($24!). I have turned.this.house.upside.down. I asked DS1 if he threw them away and he said "yes" and smiled devilishly. Awesome. I am inclined to believe him, even though he's never done that before.







The trash can now lives on the kitchen counter.









We have nearly 200 Schelich animal figurines that we have collected for DS and there are some that are now missing that I _cannot_ find, and I think they've gone to the big landfill in the sky now.














:


----------



## J's Mombee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DklovesMkandJK* 
yeah, that.

We chucke when people sit on out couch because it is the usual sex spot.(hey, we lay down a blanket)







:

Nope - not poisionous. Apparently pretty yucky but not dangerous.....at least according to the PA poision control hotline









YKYTPOATW:

You catch yourself singing some annoying children's song.
Loudly.
In the grocery store.
By yourself.

You spell all swear words, regardless of who you're talking to.

You just smile and shake your head when you hear the childless discuss what 'their children' will and will not do. Then laugh openly when you and your girlfriends talk about your own 'lists' from before your kids were born.
(I was never going to have a baby in my bed
















This post could have been written on my behalf. Everything above is accurate. I actually found someone that sang with me in my grocery store... I was so embarressed and I stopped singing.

My kid brother was in the car with me a few days ago, and asked if I had can CDs. Before thinking, I proudly said yes, and pulled out "Wee Sing in the Car" Toddler Favorites.


----------



## guestmama9911

...when you spend part of the night asleep at the foot of the bed, because your toddler rolled over into your spot while you took a potty break, and you don't want to risk waking him or the baby up.

My back hurts today...


----------



## Minxie

...when you hear, "

Some balls dancing here,
Some balls dancing here,
Some balls dancing here,
Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

No balls dancing here,
No balls dancing here,
No balls dancing here,
Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

More balls dancing here,
More balls dancing here,
More balls dancing here,
Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah.

One ball dancing here,
One ball dancing here,
One ball dancing here,
Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah."

as you scroll through this thread. When you ask for clarification, "Are you singing, "Rah, rah, rah" or "La, la, la"?, being told,

"I am not singing. I am going to sleep."








:


----------



## Minxie

...when you hear, "Mama, my belly's growling." When you respond, "I don't hear anything", sound effects are added, "Growl, growl, growl..."

...when you MUST stop to watch "the bulldozer because it is working so hard, Mama!"

...when "the construction machines are sleeping, Mama!"

...when you are tired of hearing, "Mama. Mama! Mama. Mama. Mama! Mama. Mama! Mama." without a break in between so you _could_ respond...

...when D*S* announces to you, "I am a beautiful princess" and all you can do is agree...


----------



## puddle

...you thank your DD enthusiastically for putting away your deodorant in the drawer. a dozen times in a row. every time you walk into the bathroom.

...instead of getting upset when someone jabs their finger in your eye, you excitedly say, "Yes, that's Mommy's eye!"

...you put random objects that are handed to you on top of your head, and leave them there. Your DP doesn't comment when you're walking around later with a washcloth on your head, even though your child isn't in the room.

...you've seriously wondered how long a person could live on a diet of cheerios, potting soil, and junk mail.

...you actually think it's cute when someone is excitedly fingerpainting in their own vomit on the kitchen floor.

...you don't bother putting away the square plastic bowls. You hand them straight to your DD because you've accepted that they all belong piled next to the cat's food.

...you understand that any time a bottle of any kind is set down without it falling over, you must immediately stop what you are doing and clap. Even when you are the one setting it down.

...you spend a significant portion of your day bartering to try to get your own possessions back without a meltdown.


----------



## ilovebabies

I love this thread! How VALIDATING!!!









I remember when my son was a toddler and we were at the mall sitting on a bench in the center area where there was a TV. There were many people around us doing the same. A tampon commercial comes on and my son LOUDLY says, "Mommy!! You use those kind!!!!!" And I sweetly smile at him while everyone looks on snickering.

One time this same son had his back turned to us and wouldn't turn around. We asked him a couple of times to turn around but he ignored us. Finally I said, "What are you doing?!" He sighed very loudly, clearly frustrated and said, "I'm playing with my penis!!"







Oh, sorry we were interrupting!!


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *puddle* 
...you've seriously wondered how long a person could live on a diet of cheerios, potting soil, and junk mail.

...you don't bother putting away the square plastic bowls. You hand them straight to your DD because you've accepted that they all belong piled next to the cat's food.

...you spend a significant portion of your day bartering to try to get your own possessions back without a meltdown.

Yes to all of those! I don't even bother looking items in the kitchen drawers anymore... I just assume they have all migrated to the floor!


----------



## macca333

laughup









You've gotta love em haven't ya !!


----------



## tarajean56

...during playtime you are wearing bunny ears and vacuuming your nose with a toy lawnmower while wearing a cow puppet on your hand - all at your toddler's insistence.

...you are praying silently that the nice stranger at Target isn't able to understand that what your son is actually screaming is "mama's naked!"


----------



## puddle

...you have to move like a ninja to sneak the dishes in the dishwasher as the racks move quickly back and forth.

...it's 3:00 p.m. and you can't figure out why all you've gotten done today is grating some zucchini.


----------



## Harmony96

Oh this is a great thread. I've finished page 8. Have to come back for the rest later.









ETA: now I've finished through page 12.









ETA: now I'm done w/ page 18.









ETA: Done w/ page 22.









ETA: Now I'm up through page 29.


----------



## frogautumn

When you have to type the words "s-uirrel," "-uail," and "-uack" like this because someone has decided to remove that letter from the keyboard.


----------



## AllisonR

DS: what is that mom?
Me: what is what?
DS: those creases between your eyes?

DS: you have a boo-boo
Me: no, that is a freckle
DS: where is my freckle?
Me: you are too young, you don't have any.

DS: you have a boo-boo (starting to pick at it)
Me: ouch! No, that's my mole.
DS: does it hurt? (still picking at it)
Me: No. Stop picking at it. It is part of my body.
DS: it's a boo-boo. Does it hurt? (still picking)
Me: ouch. Now it does.

Geez, I just feel younger and younger every day.


----------



## kirstenb

I love this thread- I keep coming back!

You need to check the floor of the shower before you step in to make sure there are no hard bath toys all over the bottom. I learned that one the hard way this morning! Good thing DS was still asleep as there was some colorful language when I stepped on his toys.


----------



## J's Mombee

...you check your cup that might have been sitting on the table near DS, because he might have put food in it.


----------



## heidirk

. . .When you are laughing with tears rolling down your face, because not only is this thread so funny, but your 2yo is standing right beside you also laughing hysterically, and it's even funnier because you know he has NO idea what you're both laughing at.

This actually happened. . . twice.







:

. . .When your DS is eating watermelon while he sits on the baby potty naked. He looks down, and then gets up, hands me the watermelon and starts clapping. Me- oh, did you make pee?
DS- yeah!- me, dat!
me- good job!, lets go flush it!
So we troup upstairs to flush the pee, and when I dump it in the toilet. . . it's pink! He had so much watermelon juice dripping down his belly, and off the end of his penis, he and I BOTH thought he'd peed!


----------



## sunnygir1

One from today...

...you look everywhere for the credit card your lo snagged from you wallet this morning, but can't find it. After your lo is in bed you decide to take her toothbrush out of the bathtub and put it away. There in the tub, next to the toothbrush and a bunch of toys is the missing credit card!


----------



## J's Mombee

...when you prepare to leave the house, by putting on your shoes, grabbing your purse or diaper bag, grabbing a snack for ds, then you move the couch to look behind it to find your keys that ds has dropped back there.

...or you ask DS where your keys are, because they are not behind the couch this time... DS reaches inisde his toy box, and pulls out your keys, your wallet, his left shoe, and a snack... eww gross...


----------



## Mirta

ykytpoatw:

you find a cracker in the CD player and you are NOT surprised.

when you tampons & mommy pads are seeing a LOT of action even though you haven't had your period since june 2006!

You child knows one sign and does it for everything he wants you know what he means based on context. (ball, water, cracker, juice, breastmilk, etc..)

you love the inventor of the locking kitchen trashcan because it's saving your sanity.. and dread the day your child can unlock it.

for your sanity sake you now have toddler locks not only on cabinets and toilets, but also on the printer and CD player.









You've discovered bubble time is more for your sanity than for his fun and have bought more bubble wands, bottles of bubble mixture & even a bubble gun just for you, so when he is outside playing you can have fun.









you definately know you are the parent of a toddler when.. you've told your DH about this thread..and he tells you new answers for you to post or that are now relevant to your situation.


----------



## J's Mombee

Well, here is a weird one:

You call the car dealership (because you plan to buy a car) and explain to the Car Dealer, that he needs to have some deals in mind, and be straight, because you are bringing your 2 year old DS with you, and you don't intend on being there long.

I brought snacks, and toys. When I arrived at the Dealership, the Dealer actually kept his word, and DS screamed loudly almost at the end of the deal, and we were finished with a good deal, rather quickly (quicker than when I purchased my first car).

So, I guess, I knew that I was a parent of a toddler, when the car sale was less intimidating, than the thought of my toddler having a melt down in the dealership (where his cries would possibly echo).







, my threats of echoing cries worked... I got a really good rate, and a good car.


----------



## Ish'smom

When you realize that you can stand in the shower washing your hair with your nursing toddler propped on one knee without getting soap in anyone's eyes


----------



## LittleMonkey

Quote:


Originally Posted by *J's Mombee* 
Well, here is a weird one:

You call the car dealership (because you plan to buy a car) and explain to the Car Dealer, that he needs to have some deals in mind, and be straight, because you are bringing your 2 year old DS with you, and you don't intend on being there long.

I brought snacks, and toys. When I arrived at the Dealership, the Dealer actually kept his word, and DS screamed loudly almost at the end of the deal, and we were finished with a good deal, rather quickly (quicker than when I purchased my first car).

So, I guess, I knew that I was a parent of a toddler, when the car sale was less intimidating, than the thought of my toddler having a melt down in the dealership (where his cries would possibly echo).







, my threats of echoing cries worked... I got a really good rate, and a good car.

I love it!! That's a great negotiating tactic









YKYTPOATW
- you see a parade of classic cars and think they all look like Hot Wheels!
- you just simply say 'Thank you' when DS gives the 'milkies' a kiss (or 10) when you're grocery shopping and he's sitting in the cart


----------



## ernalala

sign of parenting a baby and/or toddler (or two 

When a person enters the house, unfortunately he/she may still get a blast of poop smell














hile you don't even notice it anymore when it's just the residue of the original smell









After changing your child's diaper and having thoroughly washed your hands at least twice after, you may find they're still smelly









(sorry if you just had breakfast)


----------



## AppleCrisp

Quote:


Originally Posted by *J's Mombee* 
Well, here is a weird one:

You call the car dealership (because you plan to buy a car) and explain to the Car Dealer, that he needs to have some deals in mind, and be straight, because you are bringing your 2 year old DS with you, and you don't intend on being there long.

So, I guess, I knew that I was a parent of a toddler, when the car sale was less intimidating, than the thought of my toddler having a melt down in the dealership (where his cries would possibly echo).







, my threats of echoing cries worked... I got a really good rate, and a good car.

I LOVE this! I never thought of it before! I'm going to start using it now for all my appointments! I'm going to call first and say I'm bringing my 2 year old, and he likes to scream in public like a howler monkey, really loud and piercing, so be prepared to take me right away!


----------



## debmac69

You tell your boss, right before a meeting, "hold on a sec, I have to go to the potty"

or

After a particularly long and tiring day, you offer the bib to your teenager at dinnertime instead of your two year old (I actually did this one once)...my teenage daughter just said, "okaaay mom, you've had a long day".


----------



## ilovebabies

Quote:


Originally Posted by *debmac69* 
After a particularly long and tiring day, you offer the bib to your teenager at dinnertime instead of your two year old (I actually did this one once)...my teenage daughter just said, "okaaay mom, you've had a long day".

I do this all the time with my two teens (I also have a baby, toddler, and am pg). I've handed them bottles before, bibs, napkins, you name it. They just think I've lost it.

I've got a couple...

You are reading to your toddler and it takes an hour just to get through 2 pages (what is his name? why is he doing that? where is he going? why does the tree look like that? where's his mommy? does he have any friends? etc.....)

When your toddler just learned how to dial 911 and you have to tell the policeman at your door for the 2nd time that day that everything really *is* okay.


----------



## BeagleMommy

This morning, I had to wash DH's slipper because DD peed in it. It was next to her little potty, but she peed in the slipper and on the carpet, next to the potty. I thought it was funny, DH did not. I poured about 1/4 cup of pee out of the slipper. I didn't know they'd hold liquid!


----------



## Surfacing

Gosh this thread is hysterical!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ish'smom* 
When you realize that you can stand in the shower washing your hair with your nursing toddler propped on one knee without getting soap in anyone's eyes

I so hear you on this one! I am constantly doing crazy balancing, juggling, multi-tasking acts, to the awe of onlookers.


----------



## mamamille

I had to laugh this morning and thought of this post....

when my dd had a tantrum on the front porch because the garbage man came and, you guessed it, took the garbage away! Only a toddler would get possesive over dirty diapers and rotting garbage!


----------



## sothisislove

lol...subscribing to this!


----------



## Katwoman

I've told a coworker that he was "trying to cover his bottom". (He gave me a STRANGE look! He doesn't hang around my office much any more.....)

You have undies in the pocket of your jeans.

You go to work with a paper sheriff badge on your shirt because your child made it and it "goes with your clothes today Mommy".

You've actually had to say the words "No you can't look up my butt". (Although, why they posed that question but can't look at the floor in front of them for the toy they dropped, I'm stumped.)

and of course the ever popular: ran from a public place as fast as you can because dear child has just announced to the most conservative woman in the place that - she has a labia too!


----------



## T&D2005

I didn't read every page but

You know you're the parent of a toddler when you hear them playing one minute then hear silence the next~ silence usually means they got a hold of something they know they shouldn't have..


----------



## FarmerCathy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Katwoman* 
You've actually had to say the words "No you can't look up my butt". (Although, why they posed that question but can't look at the floor in front of them for the toy they dropped, I'm stumped.)

Reminded me of the other day when I said in a public place to my toddler "not to put his hands up my shorts." He was trying to get to the nums via the shorts.


----------



## Barbamama

When "someone" draws on your butt with chalk while you're doing dishes in white pants and your first thought is, "oh well, it will wash." When that same someone draws on your butt with a marker while you're wearing black pants and your first thought is, "thank goodness I wasn't wearing white pants."

When you have banana threads in your hair. Regularly.

When you find yourself trying to explain why mommy's [ahem] pubic hair isn't exactly "fur," but then give up. Because you realize that it is, actually.

When you double-time it, carrying DD, for 8 blocks in 90 degree heat to catch up to the HS marching band on its practice tour of the neighborhood just to see your little girl clap and bounce with glee when she sees them.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

When you don't think twice about eating the smashed pinwheel cookie you find working its way between the couch cushions.


----------



## J's Mombee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Barbamama* 
When "someone" draws on your butt with chalk while you're doing dishes in white pants and your first thought is, "oh well, it will wash." When that same someone draws on your butt with a marker while you're wearing black pants and your first thought is, "thank goodness I wasn't wearing white pants."

When you have banana threads in your hair. Regularly.

When you find yourself trying to explain why mommy's [ahem] pubic hair isn't exactly "fur," but then give up. Because you realize that it is, actually.

When you double-time it, carrying DD, for 8 blocks in 90 degree heat to catch up to the HS marching band on its practice tour of the neighborhood just to see your little girl clap and bounce with glee when she sees them.

Okay I had to laugh at the pubic hair part. I was too ashamed to tell anyone about this one:

DS is learning to potty, so he says, "Mommy I poop," when he needs to pee or poop.

What I recently learned was that he also thinks that pubic hairs are poop. So I find myself rushing to change clothes or get dressed, because he calls my pubes "poop." He says, "eeyoo poop!" "Daddy, mommy poop!"

I don't know why it is so embarressing to me, or why I feel so embarressed that I rush to get dressed so that he can't call it poop.


----------



## heidirk

When you tell your 2yo, 'no you cannot tickle daddy's penis'









He loves to tickle himself, and we're pretty casual about nudity. The next comment from me was, 'No, Mommy does not HAVE a penis'


----------



## rollergirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AugustineM* 








..your child comes walking in the kitchen saying, "Here mama! Here mama!" And he hands you a piece of poop.








:

OMG that just happened to me three weeks ago...!!!

-- when you buy a brand new tube of toothpaste and two days later it turns up missing.. and then a month later you find it shoved between the mattress on the floor and the bedframe (of course! that's where are always store our toothpaste..)

-- when you find a little red ball under your bed that you don't recognize and you realize it's a month old POTATO

-- when fully half your caloric intake comes from food that has been either licked, chewed, or is from off the floor

-- when you are reading this thread and trying not to laugh TOO hysterically loudly so you don't wake your toddler up and have him interrupt your wild friday night...


----------



## FarmerCathy

....when you try to change your menstrual pad before your child finds you in the bathroom because whenever he sees a dirty one he proudly announces "mama poop." Because you know you would have to tell him over and over that it isn't poop, oh and only girls have this "special poop."


----------



## Ellen Griswold

...when you think nothing of simultaneously nursing and changing a poopy diaper because it is the ONLY way she will stay still.
...and you have done this in front of others.


----------



## MimiB

...you actively seek out construction sites on your walks or drives - even if it makes you late - just so your LO can see all the diggers and big trucks.

...you get excited to learn they'll be tearing a house down just up the street b/c LO will be able to watch the whole process every day.

...you have to remind your husband not to eat the pasta in the fridge b/c you already told DS he was going to have "Ssta" for lunch







: and you DO NOT want to come home to find an empty tupperware in the sink and remnants of pasta sauce on your DH's face.









...find yourself trying to read all these posts w/ tears running down your face b/c you're stifling laughter while DS is asleep in the next room!


----------



## maddymama

MimiB said:


> ...you actively seek out construction sites on your walks or drives - even if it makes you late - just so your LO can see all the diggers and big trucks.
> 
> ...you get excited to learn they'll be tearing a house down just up the street b/c LO will be able to watch the whole process every day.
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> This week was so much fun for my DD bc a tree in our backyard fell on our house... and then we got to watch the guys for 8 hours (in 100+ degree heat) cut the tree down. FASCINATING if you are two! Not so much if you are the parent.


----------



## ernalala

...when you have to move the buffet and vitrine cupboards in the living room(play area) several times a year while cleaning to FINALLY find all the little bits and pieces of incomplete toys and little toys missing. And being actually HAPPY for that! And making LO happy with the little recovers







:.
Just think of puzzles, toy spoons and knives, toy coins and the like







.


----------



## amitymama

...when you have food poisoning and your two-year-old dumps out all the clean, folded laundry onto the kitchen floor and then pours an entire carton of orange juice over it and you burst into tears because you know there's no use in getting mad and you don't have the energy anyway

...you wake up to tiny fingers pulling the ear plugs out of your ears and shouting 'GET UP, MUMMY!!" at full volume


----------



## J's Mombee

Ok the pp reminded me of one more way that I know that I am a parent of a toddler:

When you look forward to the weekend all week so that you can sleep a little bit later, but DS wakes you up 30 minutes earlier on Saturday morning yelling "wake up mombee, wake up!"







:


----------



## ilovebabies

When you win at hide-and-seek every single time because your toddler can't stop giggling when she's hiding and you're trying to find her.

(this happened to us this morning







)


----------



## puddle

...you can't decide if that thing hanging from your kid's nose is a booger or a piece of cheese.

...you find cheerio bits on your nipples after nursing.


----------



## michelle_mg

Quote:


Originally Posted by *puddle* 
...you can't decide if that thing hanging from your kid's nose is a booger or a piece of cheese.

...you find cheerio bits on your nipples after nursing.

ohh yeah, or any sort of crumbs you can't even recognize...

.... when your eyes get pried open in the morning followed by an i wove(love) you


----------



## ernalala

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ilovebabies* 
When you win at hide-and-seek every single time because your toddler can't stop giggling when she's hiding and you're trying to find her.(this happened to us this morning







)

My 4,5yo just exclaims: 'I Am Here!' before you even counted to ten








My 2,5yo just follows the one hiding so you can't hide at all from seeker


----------



## maliceinwonderland

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sophiekat* 
YKYTPOATW . . . . when you have an injury requiring a band aid, your toddler gets one (or 7) too -- and both of you have backyardigan bandaids because you can't find the plain ones

I'm wearing spiderman bandaids on my legs currently to cover up where I butchered myself shaving yesterday. I am quite the sophisticated mom


----------



## angelachristin

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FarmerCathy* 
....when you try to change your menstrual pad before your child finds you in the bathroom because whenever he sees a dirty one he proudly announces "mama poop." Because you know you would have to tell him over and over that it isn't poop, oh and only girls have this "special poop."









LOL, mine thinks my Diva cup is a "ball ball!" and tries to grab it from me!


----------



## sunnymw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katiebell5* 
you no longer have an "s" key on your keyboard.

Mine's the F key









Quote:


Originally Posted by *tynme* 
when on a walk to the park your DS picks up EVERY cigarette butt he can find says "yuck" and then throws it down.

We have another one here... it's so gross!!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *unalmas* 
HEEEE!

Another Angol/Magyar mom here. I'm trying to convince my husband that maybe we should just teach our daughter to use English for trees, instead of fák.

Just























Quote:


Originally Posted by *Redifer* 
... When you can't help giggling hysterically at behaviour you probably shouldn't encourage.

Because the look on his face is just so priceless!!!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Otterella* 

You suddenly realize your baby's feet reach past your knees when nursing in bed. But he still pulls them up to stick his toes in your belly button and giggles hysterically. Without breaking his latch.

















:







:







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
...when you spend part of the night asleep at the foot of the bed, because your toddler rolled over into your spot while you took a potty break, and you don't want to risk waking him or the baby up.

My back hurts today...

This is why we have a king (and thank God DH works 3rd shift). We rotate our way around the bed.


----------



## sunnymw

Okay, my turn to add some.

When the Jehovah's Witnesses hear me and DS1 coming to the door and just hand me a pamphlet and _run_

When you thank God that your cousin answers the phone at the pest control place, because she knows exactly what that noise is in the background (DS1 beating on his mini guitar with a back scratcher...)

And oh... a picture is worth a thousand words, right?


----------



## delicate_sunshine

...when you have morning sickness and he thinks it's so fun to get to bring mommy the vomit bowl.


----------



## xmama4

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
Okay, my turn to add some.

And oh... a picture is worth a thousand words, right?









That has to be the funniest thing I seen in a long time. LMAO!


----------



## aaronsmom

When you have to explain why you have panty liners stuck to all the furniture. They make great stickers.

When you have this conversation with your 2.5 yo:
"Mom!"
"What?"
"Mom!"
"What?"
"Mom! Mom! Mom!"
"WHAT?!"
"Hi!"


----------



## berry987

These are so funny - I'm laughing out loud.

When you hear yourself say "Don't pee on your brother" while the kids are in the tub.

You go to turn the TV on at 9pm when the kids are asleep and are greeted by a grating intro to Wonder Pets.

When you turn your car on the flashers and windshield wipers come on because your 3 year old climbs through and pushes all the buttons on the way to his car seat.


----------



## tumblebeee

Ooh! Ooh! I have one!

YKYtPoaTW... you stand topless in the bedroom doorway to entice your son in to take his nap. (Worked like a charm, he came running with a big toothy grin!







)


----------



## guestmama9911

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblebeee* 
Ooh! Ooh! I have one!

YKYtPoaTW... you stand topless in the bedroom doorway to entice your son in to take his nap. (Worked like a charm, he came running with a big toothy grin!







)

Oh, oh!!! I do this!!! Works every time!


----------



## basmom

When you're not embarrassed when your 2 year old yells, "mommy, I flush your poopies, okay?!?" in a public restroom...


----------



## J's Mombee

Quote:


Originally Posted by *basmom* 
When you're not embarrassed when your 2 year old yells, "mommy, I flush your poopies, okay?!?" in a public restroom...


rolling on the floor


----------



## mamavegan

Yesterday, I found myself saying a phrase that I never imagined would have reason to leave my lips: "Please, don't pee in the oven mitt!"


----------



## Carlyle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnymw* 
And oh... a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

Oh my gosh, I almost woke my daughter up laughing so loud! That is hysterical (glad it was your toddler not mine...we let yellow mellow, which would be oh-so-icky!)


----------



## MilkTrance

you find, in the vent for your fireplace, the following:

- your phone
- a red block
- a half eaten donut
- a calculator
- a truck

you keep a running narrative even when not with DC ("now mommy's going into the bathroom stall... now mommy hangs up her purse... mommy is peeing now")

you find yourself saying "GENNNNN TLE" whenever you pet animals, even when you're alone

a friend asks you how DS got "that red lump" on his head, and you say "which one?"

you make the sign for "thank you" whenever you thank somebody

your hair is ALWAYS in a ponytail or up, otherwise you're just asking for it

you can recite at least 3 or 4 board books, AND turn the pages appropriately, while watching TV and holding DC

You say the word "penis" a lot. "Yes, that's your penis," "DON'T grab your penis, you are poopy!" and "That's Daddy's penis. We don't grab Daddy's penis."

The local German bakery sets out a container of shortbread cookies (DS's fave) for you when they see you through the window


----------



## MilkTrance

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblebeee* 
Ooh! Ooh! I have one!

YKYtPoaTW... you stand topless in the bedroom doorway to entice your son in to take his nap. (Worked like a charm, he came running with a big toothy grin!







)

oh my gawd, I totally do that


----------



## heidirk

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 

you make the sign for "thank you" whenever you thank somebody

your hair is ALWAYS in a ponytail or up, otherwise you're just asking for it

you can recite at least 3 or 4 board books, AND turn the pages appropriately, while watching TV and holding DC

You say the word "penis" a lot. "Yes, that's your penis," "DON'T grab your penis, you are poopy!" and "That's Daddy's penis. We don't grab Daddy's penis."










Yes! This is OUR house!

Also, When you mention 'grocery store' or 'library' and the first thing that DS does is sign 'cookie'.







: It's the only way I can keep him occupied!

Or,

You say things like, 'no, we cannot go swing without any pants on!'


----------



## Max'sMama

When you repeatedly have to say....
-You must have pants on to leave the house.

-Stop licking the dog.

-Wood chips are not food, please do no eat them.

-Fine, eat the wood chips, you'll be sorry later.

You also know that you are parenting a toddler when you start to think that 24/7 Olympics on your TV (which is normally NEVER on) is an ok thing and would give you a bit of a break.

Or you find yourself singing "Dog Train" or "Tantrum" and look around to find your children are no longer in the room with you.


----------



## anitaj71

Quote:

Ooh! Ooh! I have one!

YKYtPoaTW... you stand topless in the bedroom doorway to entice your son in to take his nap. (Worked like a charm, he came running with a big toothy grin! )
I do that too !


----------



## MamaBear21107

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
Horses are hard. You must be very talented.









My problem is that whenever ds sees a pig now he says "la la la." I'm going to have a hard time explaining that one to his kindergarten teacher.









And i thught my dd was the only one!!!


----------



## utopia760

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
you find, in the vent for your fireplace, the following:

You say the word "penis" a lot. "Yes, that's your penis," "DON'T grab your penis, you are poopy!" and "That's Daddy's penis. We don't grab Daddy's penis."



ok so i have to say this word is used at least 10 times a day espically since my son is 3 1/2 and half the time need help pulling his pants up after going to the bathroom

we started saying vagina quite a bit to because now my daughter is learning how to use the toilet!

heres mine--

you know your the parent of a toddler when
it takes you a hour to walk to the store 2 blocks away


----------



## jo15

Quote:


Originally Posted by *utopia760* 
you know your the parent of a toddler when
it takes you a hour to walk to the store 2 blocks away

Yeah me too!

And when you wake up hearing:

"EGGS! EGGGS!"
"No honey, those are my balls"


----------



## Blue Lotus

When it is too quiet in the other room where your toddler is playing (the bedroom - we co-sleep) and you go to see what she is doing and find......

she has taken off all her clothes, and is proudly wearing your leopard print thong as a "bodysuit" or one-piece swimsuit. And then won't take it off for another hour, opting instead to run around the house chasing the cats.







:


----------



## kirstenb

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Max'sMama* 

-Wood chips are not food, please do no eat them.

-Fine, eat the wood chips, you'll be sorry later.

I say the same thing to DS every time we go to the park.


----------



## sunnymw

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carlyle* 
Oh my gosh, I almost woke my daughter up laughing so loud! That is hysterical (glad it was your toddler not mine...we let yellow mellow, which would be oh-so-icky!)

We do too, in our room. Thankfully, this was the guest bath, where GMIL is staying. She likes to clean


----------



## lemurik

When you have the following conversation daily:
DS - he wants (speaks of himself) that toy
Me - which toy?
DS - that other toy
DS - the blue one
and it takes you no more than 3 guesses to understand which kitchen utensil (usually NOT blue) he is referring to this time









When the usual conversation of the day is discussing that papa doesn't pee on the floor, the birds, the bed, the diaper, etc...


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *trini* 
You say out loud "mama has to go poo" even when no one is around.

When someone IS around when you are pooing, it is a 2 1/2 foot tall person handing you microscopic scraps of toilet paper and you say "thank you" for each one.

ha HAAAA!


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sincitymama* 
-

-you actually feel flattered when complimented on your horse noise during this recitation of 'moo, bah, la la la'.


What a good book! The horse does take special talent.


----------



## Otterella

You stop at a fast food drive-through and decide against getting fries, and when your child hears the bag open up, he starts yelling "Bee! Bee!" (Translation: Please! Please!) from his car seat, and gets mad when he thinks you're holding out on him even though you try to explain that you didn't get any fries. That's when you realize maybe you eat fast food more often than you should.

Oh, and you frequently hear your husband saying "No, buddy, you have your own to play with. Leave daddy's alone."


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *angel1895* 
bumpity bump...

they should make this thread a sticky

What does bump mean?!


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alisaterry* 
When you find undigested popcorn kernals at the bottom of your washer after doing a diaper load.

- corn. ew ew ew ew ew ew ew


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *orlandoivfrn* 
Ok, I just remembered this one:

When you notice out of the corner of your eye that your 18 month old is quietly chewing on something with her mouth closed. You suddenly realize you gave her NOTHING to eat recently and race over. Fearing the worst (razor blade, etc) you pry her mouth open and find a strange green substance coating her tongue, the outside of her lips and actually wedged in between her teeth.









It dawns on you that she has managed to scrape a piece of bird poop off the patio and is having a snack with it.uke

After you vomit, scream and vomit some more you manage to clean it out best you can. You then actually contemplate pouring bleach in her mouth. Knowing you can do no such thing, you call the pediatrician and it takes them 20 minutes to convince you she will NOT get Avian Bird Flu from the tasty morsel.

The worst thing is that I think she was actually enjoying it.









I am still watching for symptoms of Avian Flu 1 1/2 years later.

Michelle

I just laughed so hard that snot came out of my nose.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sothisislove* 
What does bump mean?!

That no one had posted in a while so the thread had disappeared from the first page or two of the forum and now someone is "bumping" it back up to the top so people will see it and post.


----------



## deadheadmomma

I love, love, love this thread. But now I'm caught up and have to wait for each post







. My DS just started walking so I don't have any posts yet, but I'm sure I will soon. I do have to add that after reading all these pages I've realized I've made a serious error. I have been calling nursing "having tittie". I have a feeling I better break that habit before he starts talking or I'm going to be embarassed in a public place for sure







.


----------



## FarmerCathy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *deadheadmomma* 
I love, love, love this thread. But now I'm caught up and have to wait for each post







. My DS just started walking so I don't have any posts yet, but I'm sure I will soon. I do have to add that after reading all these pages I've realized I've made a serious error. I have been calling nursing "having tittie". I have a feeling I better break that habit before he starts talking or I'm going to be embarassed in a public place for sure







.

I hadn't realized that everytime my ds wanted to nurse and my dh was around and was holding him that he was saying "he wants the boob." So my ds started saying "b" everytime he wanted to nurse and put two and two together that he was probably going to start saying boob for nurse soon. So I had to have my dh stop calling it that right away and now he call it "nums." I was always calling it nums, but he was really into saying b words at the time. So, you do have time to change it to something else before its permanent.


----------



## sunnygir1

You're lying in bed next to your lo. It is her bed time. She crawls over closer to you and lays her head on top of yours. She opens her mouth and begins her sleepy-girl moaning. There is drool (not yours) sliding down your cheek and dripping off your chin. You don't dare move because maybe, just maybe, this is THE thing that will help her fall asleep more quickly. (It isn't the thing.)


----------



## _betsy_

You're exhausted by 9:30 a.m. - and that's of course the day she'll decide to resist naptime as if it's the worst torture ever.


----------



## Carlyle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnygir1* 
You're lying in bed next to your lo. It is her bed time. She crawls over closer to you and lays her head on top of yours. She opens her mouth and begins her sleepy-girl moaning. There is drool (not yours) sliding down your cheek and dripping off your chin. You don't dare move because maybe, just maybe, this is THE thing that will help her fall asleep more quickly. (It isn't the thing.)

Oh jeez--that's a good one. I've sat through all MANNER of things just hoping and praying that it was THE thing, and that she was ALMOST asleep (they usually weren't).


----------



## Carlyle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
you make the sign for "thank you" whenever you thank somebody

I totally do this, it's kind of embarrassing! I've done it across a crowded room (where nobody can hear me) to friends who don't have a clue about sign...what do they think I'm doing? Blowing them a kiss? I never remember to ask...


----------



## sunnygir1

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Otterella* 
You stop at a fast food drive-through and decide against getting fries, and when your child hears the bag open up, he starts yelling "Bee! Bee!" (Translation: Please! Please!) from his car seat, and gets mad when he thinks you're holding out on him even though you try to explain that you didn't get any fries. That's when you realize maybe you eat fast food more often than you should.

Oh, man! I don't feel like we eat potato chips very often, but when she hears that bag she is all "mama," and reaching, and signing please! They learn certain things very quickly.


----------



## J's Mombee

you get upset when DH breaks the one piece of 'the routine' that helps DS to go to sleep at night or at nap time... because this will be the time that you can go to sleep, bc you are sooo exhausted today.

Okay, maybe this is just a sign or Today, bc DH actually let DS take a nap at close to 6 PM, and his bedtime is 8:30ish/9:30ish, and he wouldn't go to sleep until almost 11:30 tonight.


----------



## cheygirl

You freeze and give family members the evil eye every time you hear them say certain 'trigger' words like "blueberries" or "blanket" or "park". Why in god's name can't they remember to s-p-e-l-l them out?


----------



## cheygirl

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnygir1* 
You're lying in bed next to your lo. It is her bed time. She crawls over closer to you and lays her head on top of yours. She opens her mouth and begins her sleepy-girl moaning. There is drool (not yours) sliding down your cheek and dripping off your chin. You don't dare move because maybe, just maybe, this is THE thing that will help her fall asleep more quickly. (It isn't the thing.)

This made me laugh so hard I woke up DD in the next room.


----------



## ernalala

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cheygirl* 
You freeze and give family members the evil eye every time you hear them say certain 'trigger' words like "blueberries" or "blanket" or "park". Why in god's name can't they remember to s-p-e-l-l them out?

HAHAHAHA. We don't spell them but pronounce words backwards or switch syllables  So if we'd speak about (not) going to the park we say 'krap', or 'greyplound', 'banana' will be 'ananab' and so on







. Sometimes Dh gives me weird looks if again he really doesn't get what I'm saying. I'm better at it than him







. We also have 3 languages going on at home, which canmmake it more confusing when speaking backwards







. Sometimes he forgets and right after my effort uses the 'trigger word and we're back where it began







...


----------



## tumblebeee

When your DS suddenly decides to stand up and dance on the bed but instantly loses his footing and starts plummeting off the bed. Fear not! You catch his head in the palm of your hand one inch above the hardwood floor, there is a pause and then he smiles up at you.

When you take pictures of trucks at a rest stop because there happens to be 3 parked in a row and each one is a primary color... and you think Roger Priddy could totally use your photo in one of his books!


----------



## ScarletBegonias

:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mchalehm* 
You lean over and a Cheerio falls out of your bra, so you eat it.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

when you wake up to see your naked toddler coloring on a book with a chunk of her own poop and say "at least it's not diarrhea."


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MilkTrance* 
You say the word "penis" a lot. "Yes, that's your penis," "DON'T grab your penis, you are poopy!" and "That's Daddy's penis. We don't grab Daddy's penis"


"daddy's penis is not a towel holder." "yes, that's brother's penis. it's not a toy. please don't poke baby brother in the scrotum."


----------



## ScarletBegonias

you used to think those stuffed animals disguised as a a toddler harness were cruel and a reflection of poor parenting skills. now you realize they are neccesary for your high need toddler, and when she is wearing one, you think about attaching a small plow or wagon to her, you know, to "help" out around the house.


----------



## Citykid




----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ScarletBegonias* 
you used to think those stuffed animals disguised as a a toddler harness were cruel and a reflection of poor parenting skills. now you realize they are neccesary for your high need toddler, and when she is wearing one, you think about attaching a small plow or wagon to her, you know, to "help" out around the house.









DS _hates_ the "monkey" when we go to the library, but it is the only way to make sure he stays in one place. It's hard top chase a running toddler through a library with a bag full of books on your arm.

A new one: YKtPoaTW: you find your nearly 3yo DS bouncing on his toddler bed and chanting/singing "DammitDammitDammitDammitDammitDammitDammitDammit. .." while bouncing and are about to ask where he learned that word ... then realize it was from _you_!







:


----------



## heidirk

You're at the library, when you hear, 'ding' and then an alarm ringing, and you realise your toddler is now tall enough to reach all the buttons on the Elevator!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
You're at the library, when you hear, 'ding' and then an alarm ringing, and you realise your toddler is now tall enough to reach all the buttons on the Elevator!









:

We have had many fights, my son and I, over the alarm button in the library's elevator.


----------



## Citykid

I have finally finished the whole thread! Thank you, everyone. I laughed to the point of crying many many times - and I'm at my desk at work!

My contribution:

...when unusual food combinations become perfectly acceptable, and you will even prepare them that way on purpose if it will get DC to eat: peanut sesame noodles smothered in plain yogurt, bread dunked in seltzer...

...when you find yourself giving in in ways you never imagined: no, you HAVE to sit in your high chair. Okay you can sit in the grownup chair, but then you definitely have to wear a bib. Okay, you can eat without a bib this time, but afterwards you'll help clean up the food that falls on the floor. Okay? But you love the dustbuster! Come back!


----------



## RollerCoasterMama

Your parents from out of town come for a short visit. Clean clean clean 'til the house looks beautiful (enough). Decide that for once we won't close the bathroom door...it's all child-proofed after all. Parents arrive. Toddler says "here go!" Your father says "thank you" in a wierd voice. Turn around and your father is holding your bra from the dirty clothes hamper. Retrieve bra, put laundry hamper in your room. Close the bathroom door. And manage NOT to fall on the floor dead of embarassment.

All I can say is, at least it was my parents and not my in-laws!!!

DS is fascinated by my bra. Shortly afterwards he was sharing all his toys with the visitors, so I'm sure he was just sharing. *sigh* It's a good thing he's cute!









ps. The visual is better if you know that my bra is NOT a delicate cute lacy thing. Think DDD, gotta be up to the work kind of bra.


----------



## caiesmommy

I can't even get through the whole thread! OH MY GOSH SOO FUNNY! ds just turned 2 today, and this brightened my oh my gosh my BABY is two blues!


----------



## medicmama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heidirk* 
You're at the library, when you hear, 'ding' and then an alarm ringing, and you realise your toddler is now tall enough to reach all the buttons on the Elevator!

OMG,My dd did this the other day. I was horrified!


----------



## nolansmummy

You know you're the parent of a toddler when ...

Every toy owned is a cell phone...

You find her toothbrush in the dishwasher..

Cantelope is an acceptable breakfast, lunch , and dinner one day, and then it is to never be touched or eaten again.

No is the answer to everything.


----------



## deadheadmomma

Bump


----------



## Carlyle

Quote:


Originally Posted by *3901sca* 
Your parents from out of town come for a short visit. Clean clean clean 'til the house looks beautiful (enough). Decide that for once we won't close the bathroom door...it's all child-proofed after all. Parents arrive. Toddler says "here go!" Your father says "thank you" in a wierd voice. Turn around and your father is holding your bra from the dirty clothes hamper. Retrieve bra, put laundry hamper in your room. Close the bathroom door. And manage NOT to fall on the floor dead of embarassment.

All I can say is, at least it was my parents and not my in-laws!!!

DS is fascinated by my bra. Shortly afterwards he was sharing all his toys with the visitors, so I'm sure he was just sharing. *sigh* It's a good thing he's cute!









ps. The visual is better if you know that my bra is NOT a delicate cute lacy thing. Think DDD, gotta be up to the work kind of bra.









That was completely hysterical...although I must say it probably would have been more completely horrifying if it HAD been a cute lacy one--the kind that might give your father the impression that your dc ISN'T actually the immaculate conception that your dad thinks he was (because there's no WAY you--his daughter--have sex, right?)


----------



## Carlyle

When you empty the washing machine and find that (among the other things that have fallen out of your ds' pockets) there is a frog spun WELL and plastered alllll the way around the washing drum (that would be my dh as a boy...I think my MIL had to put up with a LOT!)


----------



## Natalie143

OMG this is the best thread ever!! i cant stop laughing!!

when breastmilk is called ICE...

when you're at the grocery store/bank/mall on a hot summers day and your toddler starts screaming "Mom ICE.. ICE.. ICE!!" and starts lifting up your shirt or puting his hand down from the top so he can unlatch the top of your bra clip while everyone stares at the top of your now half exposed breast!
Then if ICE Doesnt work or you say in a few minutes babe then 'mom!! BOOOO! BOOO!! BOOBBB!! yum yum"

When you tell all your friends/family/acquaintances all the 'cool' new things your son does now..

When you wake up in the middle of the night before dad can even touch him... before dads even awake..to hear your son kicking dad away telling dad 'no no no! Go GO GO!! ....... mom... ice.... booo... mWAH!'
Then happily settling down in your arms getting boo... while saying one more time 'dad no no no... ' and raises your finger to make the no no no sign to dad.. (lol so much for nightweaning... )

when you eat things you dont even like that is now soggy all covered in spit... just so that his hands dont get sticky and in your hair!

when you eat things because your child forcefully pushes it in your mouth by saying 'mom ... ahhhh.. hmmm.. NIIIICE " (what i tell him when i want him to eat!)

when you wake up in the middle of the night and see one foot resting on dad and one hand resting on mom...







a toddlers version of fair!









when in your free time you randomly start singing 'here i go .. im on a boat.. look at me.. im on a boat.. !' from baby signing time... becoming a mother makes even the worst voice a singer! hehe

when you WISH your neighbors dog would start barking so your son can get excited and say "doggggy!! woof woof!"

when you make fake sneezes.. AAACHHOOO! so that your child laughs and opens his mouth so you can get him to finally eat something!

when you replay the SAME song in your car 20 times in a row because the second before the song is over your toddler screams "BAAAACK!!! BACCK!!! ELMO!!! BAAAAACK!!" until you put it on again

when you put your extra set of couches in storage to make room for more toys!

When you wake up to a punch in the eye by your toddlers foot! and even though it hurts like hell you're thinking 'ooh lucky me he is still sleeping!' and u go back to sleep

when you're paying for something you have to sort through toys,diapers,snacks and wipes in your handbag before you finally find your wallet


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Natalie143* 
When you wake up to a punch in the eye by your toddlers foot! and even though it hurts like hell you're thinking 'ooh lucky me he is still sleeping!' and u go back to sleep









:

YKYtPoaTW you hear DW say "No, Daddy's on the potty and doesn't want his pillow" and that not only makes perfect sense, but in fact you are glad for DW running interference on the play.


----------



## heidirk

When the first thing your LO does in the morning is bring you your underpants!


----------



## CanBoo

When you think it is perfectly normal to find your shoes on the coffee table, filled with a dozen of crayons or so...


----------



## RollerCoasterMama

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanBoo* 
When you think it is perfectly normal to find your shoes on the coffee table, filled with a dozen of crayons or so...









and on that theme...when your babysitter comments on the rainbow colored diaper she changed earlier!

(I quit taking the crayons away. Now he looks at me, says "BITE cuh-wor" and snaps a bit off. I'm hoping the lack of flavor will get boring when I quit making a big deal about it.)


----------



## Ziggysmama

...When you have to explain to you toddler that even though it kind of fits, he can't stick your nipple up his nose!!!

....when even your toaster has indelible marker on it!


----------



## Otterella

You hear splashing from the bathroom and you walk in to find your toddler dipping his toothbrush in the toilet and brushing his teeth with it. And your disgust is tempered by the thought "Well, at least he's brushing his teeth."


----------



## Ziggysmama

...when you have to pause the movie you are watching to instead, watch an ant, crawl from the cieling to the floor....


----------



## tumblebeee

Well this is not a "YKYtPoaTW" so much as a "You Know You're an MDC Mama When..." you have the following conversation with your DH:

DH: Do you want to have pork for dinner tonight?
Me: We have pork?
DH: Yes, it is in freezer next to the placenta.
Me: Why do we have pork?
DH: Your mom gave it to us.

Note: The part of the conversation that phased me was the fact that we had pork because it is not something that is ever on our grocery list.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblebeee* 
Well this is not a "YKYtPoaTW" so much as a "You Know You're an MDC Mama When..." you have the following conversation with your DH:

DH: Do you want to have pork for dinner tonight?
Me: We have pork?
DH: Yes, it is in freezer next to the placenta.
Me: Why do we have pork?
DH: Your mom gave it to us.

Note: The part of the conversation that phased me was the fact that we had pork because it is not something that is ever on our grocery list.


----------



## sunnymw

This one was shared with me today... not really a toddler (slightly older) but worthy of this thread for sure.

"I was in the McDonald's drive through, had ordered our food and everything, and got my debit card out. D took it out of my hand and put it in the CD player. It wouldn't come out, it's still in there, and of course the CD player doesn't work anymore either!"

She was just upset that she couldn't get any food though


----------



## adamsfam07

When you can't figure out what's wrong with the garbage disposal only to find, a ball, mickey mouse toy and a block has been thrown into it, or when your LO walks out with a handful of condoms he found in your bedroom because he thinks they're candy.







Thank goodness it was only mom there and not the IL.


----------



## Miasmamma

When you have your mom over to watch a movie and your DD comes out of the bedroom with the KY that got left beside the bed. Luckily you intercept before she gives it to Grannie, which was her primary mission!!


----------



## Magali

When you find yourself hearing the most beautiful symphony of music as your toddler is plunking away at his toy keyboard







.

When you leave the dirty mop water unattended for 2 seconds and turn around to find it full of a t-shirt, doggie toys and blocks.


----------



## CanBoo

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Otterella* 
You hear splashing from the bathroom and you walk in to find your toddler dipping his toothbrush in the toilet and brushing his teeth with it. And your disgust is tempered by the thought "Well, at least he's brushing his teeth."

I would just have been gld he wasn't using my toothbrush that time


----------



## MimiB

...you and your LO lock eyes for a second and you KNOW that he's thinking that if he runs fast enough, he just might be able to stick the plastic spatula into the potted plant on the window sill and dump soil all over the carpet before you can get to him.

...you and your LO lock eyes and burst out laughing but neither of you knows why.

...you're happily doing a silly dance in your back yard all by yourself for all your neighbours to see and decide, once and for all, that you've lost it. They don't see that your LO is inside with DH watching in the window and laughing his little head off.

...your morning routine includes about 20-30 minutes of dancing and flopping around on the bed to Motown hits.

...you have to ask your LO to do a better latch b/c his teeth are hurting Mommy and he opens his mouth crazy-wide but also sticks his tongue out and then re-latches on in the same painful way.

...your LO climbs into your lap to nurse and you ask him, "Ok, which side do you want?" , to which he points back and forth and finally chooses with a high-pitched, "Weeee!!!"


----------



## tarajean56

...a cardboard box never leaves your house before it was used as a tunnel, house, kitchen or car.

...you've actually said the words, "You can only ride your sister when mama is helping you."


----------



## Citykid

...you see a sailboat that appears to be black with black sails and, with no children in attendance, you casually comment to your SIL, "Maybe it's a pirate ship."

...your most frequent argument with DH is over which is worse, cheesy poofs or tantrum. Your DH argues that the cheesy poofs were a successful bargaining ploy in refusing the demand for (a second) ice cream. And he has a point.


----------



## heidirk

Ok, this one is second-hand, but no less funny. . .

When upon receiving a bag of dress up clothes from a friend, your DD promptly chooses the outfit with fairy wings attached to the back. When she's put it on, she comes to you saying sadly, "Mommy, these wings must be broken, I can't fly!"

AHhh, poor girl!


----------



## Enudely

YKYTPOATW:

You think nothing of having to wash the yogurt off of your breakfast spoon (twice) because the spoon has to go to the park with teddy bear.

You easily make all manner of things talk and carry on conversations- spoons, socks, fingers, pencils, ......


----------



## brandimn6217

YKYTPOAT

when you wake up in the morning wondering what animal DS is going to be today: a dog, mouse, frog, dinosaur or something completely new.

when you are in the bathroom with your child and he talks to you about the fact that you don't have a penis (or in DH's case, that he does) with the most serious look on his face like he doesn't think you know that already.


----------



## tashaharney




----------



## brandimn6217

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tumblebeee* 
Well this is not a "YKYtPoaTW" so much as a "You Know You're an MDC Mama When..." you have the following conversation with your DH:

DH: Do you want to have pork for dinner tonight?
Me: We have pork?
DH: Yes, it is in freezer next to the placenta.
Me: Why do we have pork?
DH: Your mom gave it to us.

Note: The part of the conversation that phased me was the fact that we had pork because it is not something that is ever on our grocery list.









I've got one like that! You know you're an MDC Mama When: everytime you open the freezer, you see your placenta and think, "Hmmm... when did I buy pot roast? Pot roast sounds good for dinner. That's a strange looking pot roast! Never mind, that's placenta! Darn, no pot roast."


----------



## musicoholic

Quote:


Originally Posted by *brandimn6217* 
YKYTPOAT
when you are in the bathroom with your child and he talks to you about the fact that you don't have a penis (or in DH's case, that he does) with the most serious look on his face like he doesn't think you know that already.

when your DS proudly proclaims "I'm going to have a big penis like Daddy when I'm an adult"
















when your DS goes tearing out of the upstairs bathroom to shout downstairs to your DH - "Daddy!!! Mummy's penis fell off!!!"







:


----------



## brandimn6217

Quote:


Originally Posted by *musicoholic* 
when your DS proudly proclaims "I'm going to have a big penis like Daddy when I'm an adult"
















when your DS goes tearing out of the upstairs bathroom to shout downstairs to your DH - "Daddy!!! Mummy's penis fell off!!!"







:

How about this: When you tell your two year old "Hands off your penis" and he says, "Me not. Me RUBBING!" or when your toddler has to pee and he runs up to you saying "My penis BIG Mommy"


----------



## witch yoo hee

- your closet is sooo messy
- spilled milk
- your house is very noisy


----------



## LucyRev

YKYTPOAT when are at your in-laws' for dinner, and suddenly everyone in the house is looking out the window roaring with laughter. You see your 2.5 y.o. DD in the backyard, has pulled her pants down and is peeing in the grass. She finishes, pulls her pants up (totally dry) and continues playing with her big sis. Your heart swells with pride and you say, "Yep. That's my girl!"









You don't know whether to laugh or cry when the same 2.5 yr old sweetly says, "I luh you" while snuggling to sleep at night. When you say, "I love you too, sweetie." she says, "NO! I not talking you, I talking meemee!" Meemees are my breasts, which she is done drinking from, but continues to kiss and hold and seem to be her best friend.


----------



## TinyMama

YKYTPOATW
You spend 15 minutes in the parking lot convincing your 16mo that the Swiffer has to go "night-night" in the trunk because you just can NOT take the Swiffer into one more store, explaining to each cashier that we don't need to pay for it b/c we brought it from home.









(The Swiffer is an improvement--last week it was a giant bottle of seltzer that we had to carry around.







)


----------



## yellow-momma

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tilia* 
...all the breakable Christmas tree ornaments are towards the top of the tree, leaving the bottom mostly bare!

how about only lights on the tree? we haven't been able to do ornaments fopr years! haha


----------



## MimiB

...you ALMOST want to wake LO up b/c you are driving past a train upon which an entire car is loaded with school buses. A train AND buses...he would love that!

...after repeatedly explaining that we can't call Uncle Gigi, you finally buckle and call your brother b/c LO wants to speak to "Gaga" (Uncle Gigi) but as soon as you've got "Gaga" on the phone, LO runs away showing absolutely no interest in the phone.


----------



## kbl

You finally get to go to a party, and find yourself talking to other adults about ds' diarrhea.


----------



## hedgehogs4

You don't have any milk because you left the kitchen for two minutes and an entire gallon was poured down a little hole in the floor that leads to the basement...


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MimiB* 
...you ALMOST want to wake LO up b/c you are driving past a train upon which an entire car is loaded with school buses. A train AND buses...he would love that!

_I_ want to see that!


----------



## jeliphish

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MimiB* 
...you ALMOST want to wake LO up b/c you are driving past a train upon which an entire car is loaded with school buses. A train AND buses...he would love that!









:
I'm right there with you with DD. OR....you get excited when you are driving alone and you see school buses - knowing how much your LO would love it


----------



## Enudely

Before you can make tea you have to remove a screwdriver, a plastic lego man, and the broken parts of yet another _mag-light_ flashlight (all wet) from the tea kettle


----------



## musicoholic

...... when you can not walk or ride your bike around it - you have to *stop and wait* for the snail to finish crossing the path before you can continue...


----------



## MayBaby2007

...when your friend comes over unannounced and you haven't had a chance to pick up all the toys scattered all over the place.

As you walk into the kitchen, you grab the towel that's on the floor to wipe up something wet.

Friend asks, "Is your roof leaking?"

You reply, "No, DD peed on the floor just a second ago."

She points and says, "No, I was referring to all the pots all over the floor (to catch water)."

And you laugh and say, "Nope, that's dd too."

Life is too fun these days


----------



## Aubergine68

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
Before you can make tea you have to remove a screwdriver, a plastic lego man, and the broken parts of yet another _mag-light_ flashlight (all wet) from the tea kettle









:


----------



## Julia'sMom

When you have to make sure you're up and dressed early on Tuesday mornings...so you can run outside as soon as you hear the garbage truck approaching to watch.


----------



## sothisislove

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cheygirl* 
You freeze and give family members the evil eye every time you hear them say certain 'trigger' words like "blueberries" or "blanket" or "park". Why in god's name can't they remember to s-p-e-l-l them out?


Yeah, like p-i-z-z-a or o-u-t-s-i-d-e when it's dark and raining out!


----------



## musicoholic

spelling SO does not work with mine anymore... bummer!!!!


----------



## waiting2bemommy

ds is only 10 months, but....

when your cell phone magically stops working after a brief stint in the backseat on a particularly trying drive home, and you take it in and discover that the insides are GREEN from corrosion from all your dc's accumulated slobber.

When you go to get a drink of water from the kitchen and come back less than a monute later to find ds sitting on the front stoop, cheerily waving bye bye to you through the glass.

When you find yourself searching Craigslist for an extra phone identical to yours so that ds will think he HAS your phone.

When your dc insists on bringing a toothbrush, the plastic bottom part of the food mill and a wire whisk EVERYWHERE.

When you answer the front door and subsequently go out to the mailbox carrying a still attached nursing child, a stuffed puppy and aforementioned wire whisk, and wonder why the neighbor does a double-take.

when your coworker makes a grammatical error, and you say, "silly you!" in a cheerful falsetto.

when you sit down at lunch, pull out your water bottle and shamefacedly realize it is the OTHER water bottle full of pumped bm because of course all the regular bottles have been nabbed by certain sticky figners back at home.

When someone asks where your purse is and you gesture to the spiderman backpack on your shoulder. And worse, you are frequently seen in public with said backpack, WITHOUT the child.

Oh and when you see a sale on tissue boxes/packs, you get very excited and buy out the store because that is ds's favorite activity....pullling tissues out of the box.


----------



## Shami

...when you are in a public restroom and you flush the toilet, automatically saying "Bye bye poo poo!" However, dd isn't with you at the time.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waiting2bemommy* 
when your cell phone magically stops working after a brief stint in the backseat on a particularly trying drive home, and you take it in and discover that the insides are GREEN from corrosion from all your dc's accumulated slobber.

This happened to my iPod. Though it wasn't so much "green" as it was "scorched."


----------



## Frisbee

bump! So i can find this thread and keep reading!


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy




----------



## elisheva

...you look around at things strewn about your living room floor and think, 'hmm, a diaper, one set of blocks, one puzzle, and some shredded kleenex - floor's pretty clean!'


----------



## soccermama

when you get to work and you find multiple stickers on your shirt that you had given your toddler that very same morning for going on the potty!


----------



## galincognito

you have to empty the washing machine of the magnet letters, daddy's hat, spatulas, and a shoe before throwing in your load.


----------



## tabrizia

You have to take the pot holder, duplo dinosaur egg, random plate, pair of shoes and socks out of the oven before turning it on.


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

I can't believe the number of times that this thread has been viewed!


----------



## LeighB

This is my new favorite thread!














:


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

Agreed!


----------



## galincognito

this one may be a little gross for some but i thought it was hilarious!

dd has been discovering body parts and orifices lately. Christmas day she had her finger up her nose and found a little booger one her finger when she pulled it out. she examined her fingertip with great curiosity and then tried to put said booger back in her nose since that's clearly where it belonged!


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

Quote:


Originally Posted by *galincognito* 
this one may be a little gross for some but i thought it was hilarious!

dd has been discovering body parts and orifices lately. Christmas day she had her finger up her nose and found a little booger one her finger when she pulled it out. she examined her fingertip with great curiosity and then tried to put said booger back in her nose since that's clearly where it belonged!

Well, I think that your dd is extremely logical. Don't boogers belong in noses? Better than on the wall, which is where my DS puts them.







:


----------



## Harmony96

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Love_My_Bubba* 
Well, I think that your dd is extremely logical. Don't boogers belong in noses? Better than on the wall, which is where my DS puts them.







:

When I was a kid we used to put ours under the table.


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Harmony96* 
When I was a kid we used to put ours under the table.









Imagine if a dinner guest went to stick their gum under the table and found buggers. That'd teach 'em, wouldn't it?


----------



## Enudely

ykytpoatw:

Your dinner gets interupted almost every night to go wipe someones bum.


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

You come home from a shopping trip, LO had been with DH, and you can tell exactly what he ate while you were gone by looking at the living room floor.

Apple peel in the shape of a bite with all of the fruit nibbled off of the peel

Little fingertip sized chunks of cheese, he refuses to eat the bite where he held it

Noodles, he will only eat every other noodle that makes it onto his fork


----------



## ernalala

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Enudely* 
ykytpoatw:

Your dinner gets interupted almost every night to go wipe someones bum.









Lol. I mostly have to smell and wipe poop while: cooking, putting dinner ready, when we're finally all seated at the table and food ready, or when everyone has finished their meal and I am still eating mine







.
Bon appetit!


----------



## majorsky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ernalala* 
Lol. I mostly have to smell and wipe poop while: cooking, putting dinner ready, when we're finally all seated at the table and food ready, or when everyone has finished their meal and I am still eating mine







.
Bon appetit!

OMG I'm glad I'm not the only one!! Nature always seems to call for my DD right in the middle of dinner...







It's especially pleasant for me now that I'm PG and feeling nauseous all the time...

Kristin


----------



## FarmerCathy

Quote:


Originally Posted by *majorsky* 
OMG I'm glad I'm not the only one!! Nature always seems to call for my DD right in the middle of dinner...







It's especially pleasant for me now that I'm PG and feeling nauseous all the time...

Kristin

That's when its daddy's turn to change the dipe.


----------



## zoie2013

you sing Laurie Berkner songs from memory while all of you are each sitting on potties


----------



## Love_My_Bubba

Getting out the door 15 minutes late feels AWESOME!


----------



## punkrockmomma

We had to put an expandable baby gate around the Christmas tree and the entertainment center. (DP did not have the foresight to buy an entertainment center that she couldn't get into.) There is a bald area on the Christmas tree with no ornaments on it because that is the area she can get at.

If DD is to quiet she's up to no good.

I can't use the bathroom alone because it gives me anxiety.

EVERYTHING is a phone, and some how, when she got a play phone that looks like an old rotary phone, she knows it's a phone, even though she's never seen a rotary phone before.

EVERYTHING THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IS A GAME TO SEE HOW MANY TIMES THEY CAN GET MOMMY TO STOP THEM FROM DOING IT.

They're so cute too!


----------



## Otterella

Quote:


Originally Posted by *punkrockmomma* 
EVERYTHING is a phone, and some how, when she got a play phone that looks like an old rotary phone, she knows it's a phone, even though she's never seen a rotary phone before.

Yeah, how does that work? My DS knows it's a phone, too, but he's only really seen cell phones.


----------



## KerriAZ

"







: I am DYING LAUGHING over here! This thread is SO great!!

-- When you pre-heat the oven while you take a quick shower to have your DH come to you as you are getting dressed asking if you have lit a candle somewhere that he can't find. You get that sinking hit you in the gut feeling and run half naked through the house only to find that, Yep! Your 2.5 yo has put your thick plastic pitcher into the oven and it is now in a puddle on the bottom of the oven and dripping down and around the racks! (This took us 2 hours to get it all off!)

-- I know it's been said before, but you simply cannot recall what it's like to pee alone.

-- When your DH wants to join you in the shower but you tell him to go away because the shower if the ONLY 5 minutes you get to yourself EVER! (And even then it's not always a sure bet! There is sure to be at least ONE interruption of a little head coming aroudn the corner to ask you to read a book, undo a lego, (with bread in hand) make a sandwhich, ______ Fill in the blank...

-- When you cannot remember if you actually used SOAP on yourself while showering because you are so distrcted by the aforementiond interruptions or the fact that you are tryin to speed shower before someone DOES come in!

-- When "No don't do that" is the most common phrase in your eeryday language

-- When you get adept and strapping an "ocotopus" into his car seat!


----------



## flower01

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
When your DD throws up and you hope she throws up on you rather then the couch or carpet because you are easier to clean.


My first time experiencing this just a couple days ago. I think I changed outfits 6 times the other day...I really didn't want to scrub our furniture.


----------



## kcparker

...when finding an uncooked rotini pasta peeking out from your child's butt crack is a tremendously funny sight gag, worthy of calling DH in from another room to see.

...when your dinner consists, in large part, of 'whatever the baby didn't eat.'

...when you have "phone" "conversations" using the remote and the mouse to say 'hi' back and forth repeatedly.

...when you regularly pick through your own garbage before you take it out to make sure that nothing valuable is being thrown away.

...when poop becomes a valid topic of conversation with other grown-ups.


----------



## FarmerCathy

The request of "nums and a book" when going to bed is a daily occurence. Falls asleep almost every time to my voice.


----------



## happy2bamama

you have to ask them to please, stop riding the humidifier.


----------



## majorsky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Otterella* 
Yeah, how does that work? My DS knows it's a phone, too, but he's only really seen cell phones.

Along a similar vein, my DD knew to put a play camera up to her eye and look through it -- I'm pretty sure she's only seen us use the little screen on the digital camera to take pictures!

Kristin


----------



## turnipmama

mommy attempting to have crackers results in a bath for the toddler...and the baby....and the dog....ect.

Life revolves around poop, boobs, and sippy cups.


----------



## waiting2bemommy

When you catch little one pooping on the floor in the bathroom and give him a high five for doing it in the right room.
When YOU need to poop and you get excited because it means you have a valid excuse to sit down.
when you dc will only eat food that HAS touched the floor, and you have company and forget to at least pretend that you all eat at the table, and DC is on the floor scavenging like a starved puppy.


----------



## tonimk19

-when you finally find the uneaten food fromsnack/ mealtime in or around the toys while cleaning
- you get an audience while going to the bathroom


----------



## musicoholic

I'm sure someone's probably said it before... but
YKYTPOATW...
you've finally found time (in the very wee hours of the morning) for "being intimate" - at the end of which DH thought it would be fitting to slap your rear...

2 minutes later DS comes in and says "I woke up because I heard a clap sound"







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:







:


----------



## Right of Passage

when you get new neighbors and have to warn them about your local nudist and swear up and down you do actually have clothes for said nudist


----------



## tabrizia

You watch your child take his snack of broccoli out into the kitchen, stalk by stalk, and stick it in the lazy susan cupboard and spin it around a few times before crawling in with it to eat it.


----------



## marshapn

...when your DP turns around to look at DD in car seat and asks her to please take the straw from *his* soda out of her nose.


----------



## peaceful_mama

You catch yourself saying things like "Hey, no FENCING with TURKEY BASTERS!!".....


----------



## majorsky

Or when you say things like "boogers are not toys."

Kristin


----------



## guestmama9911

When you DS replaces the s in "sock" with a "c" and then announces in public that he can't find his *ock.


----------



## Otterella

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tabrizia* 
You watch your child take his snack of broccoli out into the kitchen, stalk by stalk, and stick it in the lazy susan cupboard and spin it around a few times before crawling in with it to eat it.

At least he's eating the broccoli. That would be reason enough for me to let him play with the lazy susan.


----------



## momasana

When you have to say "spit it out" at least once an hour.


----------



## peaceful_mama

You know your friends have toddlers when...

instead of hanging up, they laugh and say "great day at your house too?" when they answer the phone to you saying "HEY, I just said NOT to put the playdough in your hair!"


----------



## Harmony96

When you know that "right there, book, want to," means "Mommy I want to put the book right there on your lap."


----------



## sunnygir1

You're absolutely thrilled when your friend's toddler teaches yours to say "want it" instead of "mine"...and your friend is mortified.


----------



## Leta

You go into the kitchen and see half a stick of butter smeared on the window.


----------



## 2mama

You know your a parent of a toddler when everyone at work knows you as the one that always has food smeared on her...


----------



## 2mama

hen the food in your mouth has already been chewed by someone who decided that they no longer want it and there is no where to put this abc food other than your







: mouth..


----------



## ashleyhaugh

when he asks for a banana (hes almost 16 months, so pointing and "talking"), so you get one, peel it, and give it to him, and he flips out because he wants an *unpeeled* banana


----------



## Harmony96

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2mama* 














hen the food in your mouth has already been chewed by someone who decided that they no longer want it and there is no where to put this abc food other than your







: mouth..

In that same vein, when your toddler has no molars, so YOU have to pre-chew some of her food (like lettuce and other leafy veggies). Or when she doesn't have quite enough teeth to take a decent bite, so you "perforate" her food w/ your teeth so she can get the bite.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *ashleyhaugh* 
when he asks for a banana (hes almost 16 months, so pointing and "talking"), so you get one, peel it, and give it to him, and he flips out because he wants an *unpeeled* banana

Oh, the drama of the banana.







We've had some of that here, too.


----------



## SeekingSerenity

ykytpoatw...

You rearrange the furniture in the dining room to provide a clear path, because DD won't go anywhere in the house unless she's riding her tricycle... and it's easier to find a different configuration for the table and chairs than it is to listen to constant screaming when she can't get through because a chair is in the way.


----------



## veganone

You have to immediately hide dirty diapers because DD throws a complete fit if she can't carry them around after a change. And giving her a clean diaper rolled up like a dirty one doesn't count.


----------



## Amila

...They dump a hundred billion beads on the floor by the handful, and when you get mad, they look at you innocently and say "But Momma, I was feeding the birds."


----------



## N8'sMom

People think you're crazy for calling certain things by names other than their own....

Oven mitt = BAH BAH
Pacifier= Boss
Snacks = Nak


----------



## Aubergine68

When you are sorting and folding the midweek laundry and have

2 adult female outfits

2 adult male outfits

3 teen girl outfits

3 little boy outfits

17 size 24 mo outfits

Because your toddler gets THAT messy and changes clothes THAT often


----------



## NicoleDohm

when you don't have any shampoo or conditioner because its dumped down the drain.


----------



## Mommy2Austin

YKYTPOATW...

Pooping in the potty becomes a family celebration complete with ice cream!


----------



## organicpapayamama

-all of your childrens books have bite marks
-your child randomly bites you or licks you while trying to give you a kiss
-more food ends up on the floor, other kids or all over himself then in his mouth
-when all your clothes have stains
-when your car smells like rotten milk because DS thought it was fun to pour his milk everywhere
-when DS rather get in the toy chest with the toys rather than take them out to play with them
-when DS suddenly kicks and slaps you in his sleep
-when you feed DS yummy nutritious food and he makes the face of death but will eat dust bunnies and and little specks of dirt
-when DS loves swimming so much you have to make sure he doesnt throw himself into any body of water, including fountains, to go for a quick swim

I could go on and on


----------



## purplepaperclip

You take a sip of your wine noticing it tastes rather "off" and suddenly realize where the play-dough disappeared to earlier in the evening...


----------



## Snuzzmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ashleyhaugh* 
when he asks for a banana (hes almost 16 months, so pointing and "talking"), so you get one, peel it, and give it to him, and he flips out because he wants an *unpeeled* banana

God. Yes.

Or the toast was cut, and shouldn't have been. Or the toast WASN'T cut, and should have been. Sigh.


----------



## Snuzzmom

Quote:


Originally Posted by *guestmama9911* 
When you DS replaces the s in "sock" with a "c" and then announces in public that he can't find his *ock.

DS replaces the "c" in "corn" with a "p". And then says he has hot porn.


----------



## pantrygirl

...when it has become routine for you to pick cheerio or cheerio like cereal out of your purse, your shoe, your car, you rug, your bathtub...

...when you eat said cheerio without even knowing how long it's been at said location without batting an eye.

...you count said cheerio as a meal.


----------



## pammysue

...you get home from a friends house and find one of their coasters in your diaperbag.

...your time outside is spent climbing up and down the front porch steps and carrying around toys that _must_ come outside and then are promptly forgotten.

...your coffee table has a small pile of Annies Honey Bunnies cereal on it at all times for snacking.

...every shelf and table in the living room is now either completely empty or a toy shelf.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *organicpapayamama* 
-when DS loves swimming so much you have to make sure he doesnt throw himself into any body of water, including fountains, to go for a quick swim









and large aquariums.


----------



## kirstenb

You find your DS putting Q tips and pennies into the slots of the wall vent.


----------



## Teenytoona

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pammysue* 








and large aquariums.

Oh yes, EVERYTHING with standing water is a bath! And she has to get in or life as we know it will end.

How about where you have to run past the deoderant aisle in the store because your 16 mo will become all firey if she doesn't get to try them all on her pits.


----------



## AllisonR

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Harmony96* 
when she doesn't have quite enough teeth to take a decent bite, so you "perforate" her food w/ your teeth so she can get the bite.









LOL! Totally forgot about this. I still perforate apples though. DD loves me to bite and feed her.


----------



## Mommy2Austin

(This happened when I was with my Older cousin and her daughter)

YKYTPOATW...

You're out shopping and naptime rolls around so your toddler finds the nearest bedroom display to crawl into while you are looking at an outfit for said toddler. The store staff gets a kick out of it while you flame in the face and try to remember how to make a bed since its been so long since you had time to do so.


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2mama* 
You know your a parent of a toddler when everyone at work knows you as the one that always has food smeared on her...









On that note, have you ever noticed that when searching for clothing for yourself, you tend to look at things in terms of how well the pattern will hide food smears and drool marks, etc.? I shy away from solid colors, and only get darker-colored patterns, because it doesn't show the mushy things my kids stick to me.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *organicpapayamama* 
-your child randomly bites you or licks you while trying to give you a kiss...

My Lil' Man did this earlier today... chomped down on my collarbone and wouldn't let go. OW. I now have four tiny tooth-shaped bruises.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *organicpapayamama* 
-when all your clothes have stains

Yep, see my above comment.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *organicpapayamama* 
-when DS suddenly kicks and slaps you in his sleep

Actually, it's my almost-4 yo DD that does THIS. She sleeps upside-down or sideways most of the time, and I can't tell you how many times I've been woken up by a foot in my face!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pantrygirl* 
...when it has become routine for you to pick cheerio or cheerio like cereal out of your purse, your shoe, your car, you rug, your bathtub...

...when you eat said cheerio without even knowing how long it's been at said location without batting an eye.

...you count said cheerio as a meal.

For me, it's been Saltine crackers, lately.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *pammysue* 
...you get home from a friends house and find one of their coasters in your diaperbag.

Yesterday I got home from Jason's Deli to find roughly half a pound of crumbled, half-chewed ciabatta bread in Lil' Man's carseat. Upon dumping that out, I discovered a long-handled spoon, the kind you stir your tea with. **whoopsie!**

Lately our family hobby has been fishing. We go about two or three times a week. When I was at the store the other day, I reached in to my purse to look for a pen, and ended up dragging out two large stones, a dried leaf, four small twigs and a small orange bobber, whereupon I had to sit all this on the counter before I could get to the pen. At least the cashier was amused.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pammysue* 
...every shelf and table in the living room is now either completely empty or a toy shelf.

OMG, yes! I was just talking about this! I have recently acquired a large wall unit and two small bookshelves, and of all the shelf space, about 80% of it is either completely unused or stacked with books and toys. The 20% in use is just the high-up shelves, which unfortunately have become the hideout for the kittens, who have decided my little potted fern is a tasty snack...

I just love the adventures around here...







:


----------



## peaceful_mama

you find yourself saying things like "Don't suck your baby brother's thumb!"

you consider buying stock in Band-Aids...and you want to know if they sell them in mega boxes at Sam's Club.

the shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc no longer live in your shower.

you now start all phone conversations with "Hold on, DD wants to say hi...' (so that you can then actually HEAR the person and have conversation...)

you don't remember the last time you watched a movie that was not animated.

Or listened to "grownup" music in your van.

the words "I won't do it again" and that little *face* will get you to drop anything.....









it's too quiet....so you go to see what you'll get to clean up this time.

OR you don't. Because the mess will still be there in 5 minutes and it's just so peaceful..........


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 
you consider buying stock in Band-Aids...and you want to know if they sell them in mega boxes at Sam's Club.

I found a box of 60 at Target! (and I got two of them)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 
you don't remember the last time you watched a movie that was not animated.

Yeah... come to think of it, it's been awhile. I've started a few but then had to stop them because someone was crying, or the baby needed a boob/diaper change/mama to hold him for no apparent reason for an unspecified amount of time, or someone needed to eat, or someone walked in during a non-child-friendly sequence in the movie, forcing the immediate turning off of the DVD player. And somehow I never got back to the movie.

Which reminds me, I have two Netflix rentals on my shelf that have been there for... um... two months? I just checked a couple of books out at the library then questioned myself as to why, since any free time I have is spent catching up on the computer or reading _their_ library books! (out loud, even)


----------



## majorsky

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingSerenity* 
I just checked a couple of books out at the library then questioned myself as to why, since any free time I have is spent catching up on the computer or reading _their_ library books! (out loud, even)









The only time I have for grown-up reading is in the bathroom...







And that's if a little person isn't having some kind of crisis where I have to problem-solve from the toilet.

Kristin


----------



## Thing1Thing2

YKYTPOAT
-when a good portion of your meals comes off the seat in your dc's high chair...
-when you don't even bother to clean the tupperware cabinet anymore, you just throw everything in off the floor 5x a day
-you're done nursing and now there's pieces of steamed broccoli and noodles all over your boobs
-You grin and bear it when dc is climbing all over you and kicking you in the stomach because you want him to fall asleep so you can finally pee


----------



## Thing1Thing2

YKYTPOAT
-when a good portion of your meal is eaten off the seat of your dc's high chair...
-when you don't even bother to organize the tupperware cabinet anymore, you just throw everything in off the floor 5x a day
-you're done nursing and now there's pieces of steamed broccoli and noodles all over your boobs
-You grin and bear it when dc is climbing all over you and kicking you in the stomach because you want him to fall asleep so you can finally pee
-when you're not paying enough attention to squirming, whining, pants pulling child, but instead talking to a friend who thinks you're crazy b/c ds has now just bit you and you tell her it's b/c he wants to nurse!
-when you end up doing the dishes with your pants down because it's too much to keep having to pull them up again... COMON I KNOW YOU've BEEN THERE!!!


----------



## momtob&t

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peaceful_mama* 
you find yourself saying things like "Don't suck your baby brother's thumb!"

you consider buying stock in Band-Aids...and you want to know if they sell them in mega boxes at Sam's Club.

the shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc no longer live in your shower.

you now start all phone conversations with "Hold on, DD wants to say hi...' (so that you can then actually HEAR the person and have conversation...)

you don't remember the last time you watched a movie that was not animated.

Or listened to "grownup" music in your van.

the words "I won't do it again" and that little *face* will get you to drop anything.....









it's too quiet....so you go to see what you'll get to clean up this time.

OR you don't. Because the mess will still be there in 5 minutes and it's just so peaceful..........









: You nailed my everyday EXACTLY!!!

BTW, we get band aids 60 for a dollar at our dollar store, and we sort of "buy in bulk" by getting several packs at once! LOL! And no matter where they are hidden, she can find them!!!


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BonnieNova* 
-when you end up doing the dishes with your pants down because it's too much to keep having to pull them up again... COMON I KNOW YOU've BEEN THERE!!!

DH walked in one day when I was cooking something, and he just stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face... I had on my shirt, but my skirt was gone and I had on only one sock. My response was like, "What?"

I mean, hey, I was the one who thought, _gee, I think I'll wear this knee-length skirt today that I haven't worn except once since I got it four years ago because I have kids who usually flip it up and play under it while in public..._ Then Lil'Man decided, since said skirt had an elastic waistband, that he could repeatedly pull it down to my ankles while I was standing in the kitchen. So I kicked it off, rather than trip over it, and when I did that, Lil'Man snagged one of my socks, yanked IT off, and then crawled away as fast as he could, dragging the skirt and the sock both.

My choice was to go after him and burn the dinner, or just cook half-naked. Yeah... you'd cook half-naked, too. Hey, it's just the family, it's not like I was expecting dignitaries to show up at any second...


----------



## SeekingSerenity

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momtob&t* 
BTW, we get band aids 60 for a dollar at our dollar store, and we sort of "buy in bulk" by getting several packs at once! LOL! And no matter where they are hidden, she can find them!!!

I buy them 60 for $2-something at Target, because I get the fabric ones. I think the Dollar store ones are plastic. And believe me, the fabric ones are harder to eat (plus they stay on better in the bathtub... nothing like dealing with a screaming meltdown that includes large amounts of water when the band-aid comes floating off...







).

I don't hide them. I keep them WAYYYY up high...


----------



## almadianna

when you dont remember the last time you went to go pee alone.
or shower.
or eat.

When you wonder where those strange bruises that woke up with come from when you cosleep.

When you wonder when you will ever be able to have quite for more than 15 seconds without questions about why? when? where? who? about every little thing.


----------



## NewCrunchyDaddy

YKYtPoaTW you hear the phrase "We don't draw with popsicles" coming out of your mouth.


----------



## pammysue

When you're not so surprised to find your cell phone in the fridge or one small sandal in the bathroom vanity.


----------



## Surfacing

When the VCR player has both a VCR tape AND a DVD in it

When you have to "start" the apple before handing it over

When you're saying, "I love you TOO!" 50,000 times a day


----------



## EnviroBecca

My son is a preschooler now, but:

You know you have been the parent of a toddler when you see a very small shoe in the middle of a deserted sidewalk and do not find that odd at all, because you can think of 35 different ways it might have ended up there.


----------



## peaceful_mama

you have ever pulled over because you were *laughing too hard* to continue driving....

Small voice in the back of the van today "Where are my TOES?!"

........and the answer "They're in your boots, I hope anyway".....brings tremendous relief to the owner of the little voice, who hasn't worn her cowgirl boots in awhile, LOL


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## SeekingSerenity

ykytpoatw...

You've had to assure a very distressed little girl that it's perfectly okay to flush the toilet because the poop has to go through that hole in order to go home and find its mommy.

...and you think nothing whatsoever of telling this story repeatedly to the little girl because it's the only thing that calms her down when it's time to flush.

(I just remembered this because DD, who is now almost 4, just started talking about Mommy and Baby poops again the other day out of the blue.)

The following sentence was spoken yesterday to a 6 year old, but it reminded me of this thread:

"Honey, please try not to spit the toothpaste on the cat, okay?" (Kitten had gotten in the sink while he was brushing...)


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## Harmony96

When you say, "no, baby... I know that was right next to Mommy's makeup and you watch mommy put makeup on her face... but toothpaste goes on a toothbrush, not on your cheek."


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## Surfacing

Harmony96 - CUTE BABY!!!!!!!









YKYTPOATW
- you find it adorable and hilarious that, in her quiet disappointment, dd collapses onto her knees, then puts her head to the floor and lies in a child's pose for a minute, until she composes herself over some sort of frustration
- your pouting baby is mad at you and all you have to do is flash her the boob and that's the peace offering that works








- after nursing you are picking pieces of oatmeal off your boob
- your child nurses, stops to lick her lollipop, nurses some more, and offers you her lolly


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