# sad looking at due date club



## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

So before joining this club I chimed in my December due date club quite a bit. I just went back their to look up what everybody was doing. I'd advise not doing that-it was really depressing. I know this is a group no one wanted to be apart of, but I'm so glad it's here. And we are not alone...
Christine


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## rach03 (Dec 30, 2006)

Yeah, for some reason I torture myself and check out the September DDC every once in a while.







:

It is nice not to be alone in this journey...


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## gretasmommy (Aug 11, 2002)

At first I would visit my DDC's a lot. As time went on I found myself here far more often than there . . . This is more my "home" on MDC . . .


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## JunebugsMom (Jan 8, 2006)

I agree I just visited mine and it made me really sad!


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

I keep checking in with the Feb. DDC and the progress of their baby-bumps (the belly pictures kill me). I want to stop doing it b/c it makes me sad as well, but I'm really feeling out of place. That was my little "home" albeit a short stay. I love MDC but right now I can't quite find my place. Ho hum, so glad I'm not alone.

Here's a little tangent too--because I just have to get it out. I want another child, I want to be pregnant--I want it now. I don't want to 'try' again. I just want to *be* pregnant (like I was two weeks ago). I can't get excited about temping (though I do it), I hate looking at my chart and I don't want to be in the TTC forum. I just really don't want to do any of it. I just want to be pregnant!

There, I said it. Thanks for listening


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I understand. I was in August... so they're all ready for babies now...

-Angela


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

Here's a little tangent too--because I just have to get it out. I want another child, I want to be pregnant--I want it now. I don't want to 'try' again. I just want to *be* pregnant (like I was two weeks ago). I can't get excited about temping (though I do it), I hate looking at my chart and I don't want to be in the TTC forum. I just really don't want to do any of it. I just want to be pregnant!

I know what you mean!! I want to be pregnant too. I don't want to have to wait two cycles just to 'try'. I don't even think I should have to buy my pregnancy test. Don't they have some type of frequent flyer club? Heck, while I'm at it I should get 4 months credit for time already served.

I wish this just was not apart of life. I had my D & C yesterday and folks are already pulling the 'look on the bright side of this'. I think anger is a natural part of the greving process too. And as long as it's not a place we stay in too long is a healthy and necessary part. Good for you for getting it off your chest.
Christine


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## Parker'smommy (Sep 12, 2002)

Hugs sweetie......

I too was in the Dec. due date club AND....the June DDC, and I was part of the June one for 20 weeks...they are almost all done so it's just....I don't know...sad I guess. It makes me realize that I should be holding a little one right now. Key word-should.

But it is what it is. I understand your pain, I understand you heartache, I understand. I wish I didn't. Oh GOD I wish I didn't. I never thought I would be here, in this position, but I am, you are, and so are all of the WONDERFUL ladies here. It sucks. And that is okay. This is what this board/forum is here for. That is why this board is so special and....unfortunately, needed.

HUGS sweetie...I mean it...it sucks.

And yah...I feel like I DESERVE a fast pass to the second trimester when I do get pregnant again. We all do....HUGS!


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## Rosie_Kate (Dec 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommycakes* 

Here's a little tangent too--because I just have to get it out. I want another child, I want to be pregnant--I want it now. I don't want to 'try' again. I just want to *be* pregnant (like I was two weeks ago). I can't get excited about temping (though I do it), I hate looking at my chart and I don't want to be in the TTC forum. I just really don't want to do any of it. I just want to be pregnant!









:







:

And knowing that it just tends to take me so long to get pregnant makes it worse! It's not like I can just get pregnant right away again! I have this horrible dred that it will take a year, or even several months. (I'm on my 3rd cycle) And when I do, I have to go all the way through the first trimester AGAIN. Arg.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rosie_Kate* 
And knowing that it just tends to take me so long to get pregnant makes it worse! It's not like I can just get pregnant right away again! I have this horrible dred that it will take a year, or even several months. (I'm on my 3rd cycle) And when I do, I have to go all the way through the first trimester AGAIN. Arg.

















:

I'm on my first full cycle (1st PPAF was 2 weeks ago), and I'm harassing DH daily to DTD. We're hoping I don't have to go through the IF treatments again. That was horrible last time, so we're trying alternatives this time.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *christinespurlock* 
So before joining this club I chimed in my December due date club quite a bit. I just went back their to look up what everybody was doing. I'd advise not doing that-it was really depressing. I know this is a group no one wanted to be apart of, but I'm so glad it's here. And we are not alone...
Christine









awww I know your feeling. We had a stillborn daughter in May of last yr...and sometimes I read updates on the May 06 babies and bawl...I also hate going into stores and seeing 18 months clothes...I'm always reminded of where she'd be in her milestones, if she'd be talking, etc...

We are here for you.


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## sunflwrmoonbeam (Oct 9, 2006)

I know how you all feel. I'll periodically poke my head in the August and January DDCs. It's depressing. On top of it, I have one friend who's due within 2 weeks of both of my former EDDs. So not only do I see it online, I get pretty constant reminders in real life. I'm thrilled for them, but sad for me.

Hopefully I'll be out of this soon. I need a sticky BFP more than anything (then again, I'm sure we all do).


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## mariag (Feb 21, 2004)

I am so glad to find this thread....just today I told my husband I don't want to wait a cycle, I just want to be pregnant again NOW....its only been 5 days and I keep getting lots of reminders about how I should be thankful I have two healthy children and not dwell on my m/c and its not that I am dwelling, but it sucks and I just want it not to have happened! anyway, so amazing to have you all to lean on....hang in there everyone.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

I've been away for a while but found this thread and just wanted to send







to everyone. I didn't join a DDC on mothering but joined some others online that show you the progress of your pregnancy (sent to my email). I avoided checking my email for soo long because of it. I didn't have the presence of mind to figure out how to get them to stop sending me the updates.


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## Rosie_Kate (Dec 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JacquelineR* 
I didn't join a DDC on mothering but joined some others online that show you the progress of your pregnancy (sent to my email). I avoided checking my email for soo long because of it. I didn't have the presence of mind to figure out how to get them to stop sending me the updates.

Oh, I had the same problem! I masochistically read the e-mails for a couple of weeks before I put myself out of my misery and unsubscribed. It was hard to do because I looked forward to those e-mails and enjoyed tracking my baby's growth!


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## Miguelsmomma (Jul 27, 2006)

I don't want to say "been there, done that," but I know how every single one of you are feeling. I've gotten the e-mails that I tracked for months not weeks. I've had all the feelings of wanting to BE pregnant, not GET pregnant. I've had friends or family who were all due around the same time as my miscarriages (two at six or seven weeks each; one stillborn at 18 weeks). I've been tempted a few times to go to the DDCs and regretted it every time. In fact, I was just stopping here on my way to the July DDC. I would have been due July 13. I've been tormented with the fact that July 18, 2006 is when I had my precious son at 19 weeks because he had died in the 18th week.

I haven't been here in quite awhile. I am cruising by because my best friend just found out today that her presious baby is gone, no HB on ultrasound, and I remember the comfort I got here. My heart bleeds for her because I know the rough road ahead. I never wanted her to join me in the "club" of women who can say that a little piece of our heart was ripped away and can never be replaced. Having "been there" three times myself, you would think I could have said the "perfect" things to her to make it alright, but we all know there is no such thing. I felt so inadequate when she called me to tell me that indeed her baby was gone. She is in another state, so I can't even go to her and wrap my arms around her and just let her cry.

I am sad for her. I am sad for me. I am sad for all of us.


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## Ambrose (Apr 20, 2004)

I went and looked at my DDC for awhile afterwards too. I had to stop because I kept crying at night. Heck, I still cry and sob and bawl most nights before bedtime- but that's not because I look at the DDCs.


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## Whittliz (Oct 5, 2006)

Yes..........I'm with you. I was due in December as well and I tortured myself by going to the DDC a couple weeks ago.

So happy for those mamas, but won't be back there.


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## Nimbus (Feb 26, 2007)

I don't think I can go back to check out the DDC (I was in Feb '08). I think it will be painful for me to see other pregnant ladies and, when my due date rolls around, new little ones. Plus, all of the things our family had planned for which we calculated 'Okay, you'll be seven months then so we'll need a letter from the doctor to fly...' and other things.

I found out Tuesday 7/3 that my baby had no heartbeat -- confirmed by another u/s today. I'm scheduled for a d&c tomorrow. I think I'm still in shock and am waiting for the dam to break. I'm feeling selfish because I don't want to feel the constant morning sickness or breast tenderness any more. Since I'm not going carry this pregnancy to term, I don't want to feel pregnant any more. AND, I want to skip this part of the next pregnancy. Just Tuesday I was thinking I'm only a few weeks away from the first trimester sickness and exhaustion. No such luck.

I'm glad to have this forum and all you mommas who share your stories and support so openly. No one ever talks about these things.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

-Angela


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## christinespurlock (Oct 10, 2006)

Hi Nimbus,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had my D & C last week. And this is a topic people just don't talk about. I was 16 weeks and even my husband is thinking things are 'normal' again. For me at least I've given up explaining why I still cry and just know that it is valid and I'm on my own timeline.
Do you garden? I planted a big flower garden for my baby. It has a small baby statue sitting in the corner. I've never been big into gardening but touching the earth is just so healing. I also wanted a concrete place that was just for her.
And I am squeezing into my jeans in an effort not to look pregnant.
And don't be surprized to hear from people you know that you didn't know had a misscariage too.
Christine


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

OH, Nimbus, I'm so sorry. We were in that ddc together. I find myself so curious about all of the other mommas but it does just hurt.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can understand not wanting to feel pregnant when you know you aren't anymore. That's not selfish. You're taking care of yourself. Healing will take some time--allow it. Cry as much as you need to. Be mad and hurt. It's all real and you are allowed to feel it.

Hugs.


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## Delaney'sMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

Mommycakes & Nimbus, I was with you in that ddc until yesterday. I know I can't go back there. In January, I miscarried as well. I was due 9/9 and that date is fast approaching. I haven't been back to that ddc either. I can't torture myself. I'm happy for the other ladies and I don't want that to change. I'm so sad for me though, and for the rest of us on this board. In January it was my first m/c. Everyone said it wouldn't happen again. But here I am. And, oh, I had such faith, such hope. So many prayers. I was 7 weeks on Friday. I was due 2/22/08. I can't believe I'm not pregnant today.







:


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Delaney'sMommy* 
I can't believe I'm not pregnant today.







:

Ohhh, momma, my heart aches for you. It's amazing how much you can dream (and plan for) in such a short time period. Be gentle with yourself and remember that we're here for you.


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## tommom (Jun 20, 2007)

Hi girls. My due date was to be August 2. In March, when I was about 5 months pregnant, I found out the baby had severe heart defects as well as a severe diaphragmatic hernia. The baby was given a less than 1% chance of survival. After much tearful deliberation my husband and I made the agonizing decision that I be induced. I had a little boy on April 4. We have a two year old little boy and I just did not think I could be the best mom I could be for the following four months knowing the baby I was carrying was destined to die during or minutes after birth. I do not know if we made the "right" decision, if there is one, or if I will ever be completely at peace with the decision we made. My husband and I are both Catholic. What I do know is that I am very glad that I am not planning for a funeral rather than a birth as the due date approaches. Another sore spot is that my sister in law as well as a good friend of mine were both due the same time. My sister in law just gave birth to her little girl a couple of days ago. This started the emotions all over again. Just as I was starting to feel more like myself again. I cried so hard the night her baby was born. I was just so...not jealous, but sad and pissed that her baby was born healthy and mine was so sick. Not only that but I also miscarried a year ago so I lost two babies this year. It was all such a shock. My two year old is so healthy and strong. I feel for all of you as your due dates approach. It is heartening to know that we are here for each other.







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## mariag (Feb 21, 2004)

just wanted to say I am thinking of you all and thank you all for continuing to be such a strong supportive group of women. I misscarried two week ago tomorrow and I don't know how I would of survived without this group. It is the only place I have found complete understanding. Each of your loses breaks my heart and I am so sorry for the pain you are each feeling.

maria


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

Once Calliope was born I just can't bring myself to visit the June 07 DDC at all. Still haven't been there. It was the same for my miscarriage early last year. I have only just begun to be able to write anything without bawling and I am so tired of crying.


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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

Ugh, I did it again. I visited my old ddc. I've been feeling fine emotionally but still staying away from the ddc. Well, two nights ago I had a dream that I was either 7 or 9 weeks pregnant--today I wanted to check in on the ladies and see what that would look like. I did o.k. with the first few belly picts but now I'm just







: . Why did I do that?


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## tommom (Jun 20, 2007)

Mommycakes, don't worry yourself. It's just curiosity. You would be sad even without looking at the pics. My due date was aug 2 so I'm quite emotional these days. What I have been finding helpful, b/c I loved my pregnant belly too, is focusing on my non-pregnant body. I am focusing a lot on getting my body fit and healthy so that I look good now and so that when I am pregnant again I will be as healthy as I can be. Plus yoga, pilates, and long walks are really cleansing for your mind and spirit. Hope this helps.
















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## mommycakes (Sep 21, 2005)

Thanks tommom. I was doing a lot of the same--getting my body, soul and mind ready.

Seems those dreams I mentioned earlier were telling me something. I am pregnant again. 5 weeks and feeling really good about it all. No spotting, no weird cramps, no disappearing symptoms. I just feel good. I was having a difficult time feeling excited at first--I was feeling really cautious. I had my progesterone levels checked as well as my hCG. So far, things look beautiful. My loss was at 5 weeks, which is where I'm at now. I feel like I'm in the clear in a way and just trying to stay positive and focus on the future.

Peace.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

Congrats, mommycakes.


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