# Need help! Toddler suddenly freaking out at wiping.



## artsygal

I'm at the end of my rope and need some advice! My 2.5 year old son has suddenly started FREAKING out at diaper changes where he needs to be wiped. Bucking, rolling, kicking and screaming, which inevitably gets poop EVERYWHERE and leaves me frazzled. I'm not strong enough to both hold him down and clean up well, so today it ended up on the floor, wall, wipes container, me, him, towels, etc. I can't do this every time he poops, it's traumatizing for us both! I usually wipe what I can while he thrashes, then plunk him in the sink to get the rest off. But this isn't practical every time, and I dread him pooping when we're NOT at home.

We suspect it may be because we've used a new brand of disposable wipes for the past few months, since we've been out of the house a lot (we used cloth wipes when he was younger, then got lazy and used disposable ones for travel convenience), and maybe they hurt him? His skin is very sensitive. He also had a bad blister on his diaper leg line after a hike last month, which has been slow healing. It's closed now, but still a little red, despite putting balm on it frequently. So we have gone back to cloth wipes and diapers exclusively in the hopes that it will help. But this seems to be a deeply ingrained fear in him now that I'm unsure how to face. He even yells "nothing hurts!" with terrified eyes, as if something hurting is the only reason we wipe. We've tried soothing him and calmly talking to him while on the table about how we have to clean the poop off, but he gets more and more hysterical (seems like he can't even hear us), and we can't just leave him sitting in poop. The other option, just holding him down and forcefully cleaning him, also probably doesn't help much, but is usually necessary.

The obvious solution is to start potty training, but...I'm going to deliver our second baby in just a few weeks, maybe sooner. The timing sucks. We have tried before, but there seems to be zero interest. If I let him go diaper free for even a short time, he pees on the floor (I can't be scrubbing and squatting to clean again and again right now) and doesn't seem to understand what it feels like to have to go yet. He has a little potty, but won't sit on it unless he gets to play games, and even the one time he did pee in it, he didn't even notice. We had hoped to start training a little later, after the craziness of a new baby dies down. And in the meantime, I STILL have to wipe poop off, and am worried about wrestling his kicks away from my pregnant belly. We're also a bit worried about any caregivers watching him while I give birth having to deal with these freakouts. 

I don't believe there's any infection or medical issue other than maybe an allergy to the wipes, as he doesn't seem to complain of pain when peeing or pooping. It's just the wiping. Certain areas have looked very red, though, which makes me think it is a contact reaction. And I'm a bit reluctant to take him to the doctor to check for infections because he is intact...I don't want anyone retracting him or catheterizing him, which will make that fear of being touched there even worse and hurt him. And no, there has definitely not been any abuse. 

What can we do? This has only started in the last two weeks or so, (hysterics started after we had to remove a band aid covering that blister, though he has whined and cried for quite a while at wiping before that) and is so unlike him. He's a very calm, mellow kid, so this is very unnerving when he gets so hysterical and physical on the changing table. It ends up with us both incredibly stressed and me angry that I have to disinfect an entire room once again. I hate to see him so afraid, but I also need to be able to clean him when I'm home alone or out and about. It's impossible lately, and I'm dreading each time he poops! I want to be compassionate about it, but am finding it quite hard to have any patience after being kicked violently and covered in poop again and again. Help!


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## profe

I've gone through this with both of mine. For my daughter I decided it was time for her to poop on the potty. At the first sign I rushed her there and even though she protested and cried, it meant minimal wiping. She also was really bright and quickly got into earning coins to buy a doll.

My son on the other hand is resistant to just about everything. I've just had to resort to pinning him down. I'd try to find a safe place to do it so he cannot physically kick your stomach. You could try warming the wipes too. If you think there is some residual irritation, maybe try some baking soda baths to clear it up.


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## Twitchetts

I feel your pain. My son (he's 2) has NEVER liked getting his diaper changed. He runs around and kicks and screams and rolls...ah! Oh...and he only does that for me. When anyone else changes him, he's fine. I wish I could offer some help. I did try using a book that he only gets during diaper changes...and that worked for a little while. Maybe worth a try. But really, I'm just letting you know you're not alone.  And, this too shall pass.


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## Mia Clarkson

Oh I understand your pain. A lot of kids don't like this procedure. Don't worry it will pass with time.


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## freidariviere

I have had the same concerns with each of my pregnancies. When I got pregnant with my first I had a 2 year old step son, and after that all of my kids have for the most part been that far apart. I have been slowly working with my younger two right now, as I am about to have twins. They know not to pick the babies up, and if they want to love on them, than a parent has to be in the room. I found with my last one when I kept her sister and brother busy helping me with the baby, it detered them from going over there. They would get the diapes and wipes, etc. Also you have a son, they are alot less curious about babies than girls. I know mine was and still is. Just make him feel included, and congrats on the new baby.Best of Luck.


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## littlebear3

My very mellow 2 yr old did the exact same thing 2 separate incidences. The first freak out was when we switched wipes and things got red, wiping causes the stinging and resulting anxiety.I used the wipes on my face and it felt like an astringent and my skin wasn't even broken like her diaper rash. Switched back to original wipes and it never happened again. Consider switching to a water squirt or bath until the redness heals then reintroduce either water wipes or the brand you used. i suggest water wipes because you know water is inert and therefore shouldn't cause any pain when gently wiping healed skin.or water cloth wipes.

The only other freakout we've had is if a hair is in a sensitive spot and is irritating.


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