# Mind boggling question



## MaryKate (Dec 6, 2003)

I was just wondering(nicely) why when someone conservitive posts thread(pro-life,republican etc,.) why do the "other side" have to jump in and start this "attack" on us? I don't think(?) us conservitives get on their (other side) threads (pro-choice liberal etc,.) and attack them for what they stand for? In all honesty I was wondering. I am not being mean here. If a pro-choicer wants to voice their opinion on something thats fine and dandy but on a thread for pro-lifers? Just wondering.
I am just using pro-choice-pro-life for an example. I have nothing against any of them.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

MaryKate, you are mistaken if you think its always fine and dandy when abortion is the topic. That simply isnt so. There have been many many threads devoted to the prochoice/prolife issue and it gets pretty hairy, no matter who starts it! Liberal, conservative, its usually fierce and white hot.

And sometimes its the person starting it, and how they start it. Is the OP argumentative? Hostile, inflammatory? Saying "baby killer" always gets people crazy, even some pro lifers dont like it.

I think maybe you go to the archives and see how this topic goes.


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## mahdokht (Dec 2, 2002)

Because, Marykate, these threads aren't segregated. This is a discussion forum. If you post something here you have to realize that it is fair game for criticism. If one wants to start a discussion and include only those that agree wtih them, then a message board really isn't the appropriate forum.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by mahdokht_
*Because, Marykate, these threads aren't segregated. This is a discussion forum. If you post something here you have to realize that it is fair game for criticism. If one wants to start a discussion and include only those that agree wtih them, then a message board really isn't the appropriate forum.*
Yikes

Ladies, lets own our actions, shall we?

I mean, just because you CAN do something doesn't mean it's nice or respectful to do so.


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## ~ATenthMuse~ (Mar 16, 2003)

I think that with such a hot subject, and a misleading title, plus inflammatory remarks, what else would you expect but for people who feel strongly opposed to the topic to post as well.

Either way, I think that the original post was provoking and this is a message board for everyone to reply on.


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## mahdokht (Dec 2, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by anothermama_
*Yikes

Ladies, lets own our actions, shall we?

I mean, just because you CAN do something doesn't mean it's nice or respectful to do so.*








What are you talking about? Who is not "owning" their action? That is really the nature of message boards, where pretty much anyone can register and post. I agree that just because you can do something does not mean that you should, but if you are going to post a traditionally conservative viewpoint on an overwhelmingly liberal message board, the in my opinion its naive to think that you won't get any response that is critical of your viewpoints.

The OP asked a question and I answered.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

It honestly happens both ways MaryKate. That past few days it has just been more heavily the more conservative posters having their "parties" crashed, if you will. BUt having been here for a while, there is plenty of the opposite that happens as well.

It is a public discussion board. If you post something, people will answer. More importantly if you post something on the Activism board, and someone disagrees, You are certainly going to get a response. It is unrealistic to expect otherwise.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

I don't think(?) us conservitives get on their (other side) threads (pro-choice liberal etc,.) and attack them for what they stand for?
Well, it's happened. They came on a thread that was titled "pro-choice sisters" or something and started in with their abstinence this-and-that, when there was already a pro-life thread going on.









I think a lot of people do it, and not just about political issues. Sometimes it's formula-feeding trolls, and sometimes it's established MDC members.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*Well, it's happened. They came on a thread that was titled "pro-choice sisters" or something and started in with their abstinence this-and-that, when there was already a pro-life thread going on.









I think a lot of people do it, and not just about political issues. Sometimes it's formula-feeding trolls, and sometimes it's established MDC members.*










So that makes it ok? "They did it to us do we get to do it right back!!! Nyah nyah!"?????

Really?

Everyone is freaking out about a midleading title....but you read the post...it was clear what it was about.......so??? Horn in and be snarky and then try to justify it???

It's just not nice, respectful, or community oriented.

Again, just because one CAN doesn't mean one SHOULD and it doesn't make the actions ok, you know?

I guess I can understand trying to provide "equal time" commentary, and I do understand the jilted feeling if it's "been done to you", but it just seems to create that infamous vicious cycle.

And just because it's a well established liberal message board that makes it ok to bash the minority of conservatives? Ever heard the phrase "gang mentality"?? "Hey! Most of us believe this and if you dont conform you are fair game to get the meat beat out of ya!!!". ?????

Thats not ok. No matter how much you justify your actions it still doesn't mean they are ok.

Maybe thats just my skewed middle of the road perspective though....


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

anothermama, I don't see that anyone was saying those people do it so it is okay for these people to do it. They are saying that
A)like it or not dissent is a fact of life... particularly on hot button issues. For a very long time MDC had a standing rule against any discussion of abortion because it always got so ugly on both sides. Lately, by virtue of disagreeing without being disrespectful of others the membership has proven that we can usually air these differences without getting ugly about it. But you will never be able to raise subjects like that unchallenged... it just ain't gonna happen in either direction and I don't think anyone should have to apologize for it.
B) It is not just liberals crashing the threads started by conservatives. The road runs both ways. For MaryKate or you to take along suffering pose after a couple of months here without knowing the history of the place and without having seen it happen in both directions makes you look a little silly. Some members who have been here longer are trying to explain to you that while yes, the sheer numbers of the situation make it statistically more likely that a conservative start thread will be disagreed with by liberals than that a liberal start thread attract dissent from conservative it is not as though it is an organized effort. It's just what happens in public forums.

Does it feel like an onslaught when there are ten posts in disagreement to every one that supports your opinion? Of course. But I see no way around it. Shall we start randomly removing 60% of the posts that disagree with the OP? Only let a liberal into the Activism forum if they are partnered with a conservative so the numbers are always even? There really is no solution.

Those of you who tend to hold the minority opinion have a choice. You can deal with the situation as it exists or you can decide that you prefer to only discuss these issues on other boards where your opinion is the majority. I think I speak for many when I say that it would be sad to lose your voices and your opinions, but it is, ultimately, your choice.


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:

So that makes it ok? "They did it to us do we get to do it right back!!! Nyah nyah!"?????
No, once again, well you know what you've done. Where in my post did I say it was ok? Where did I say I had ever done anything like that? I'm saying I've been part of a thread where that happened.

I was saying it's not just "the liberals" that are crashing threads, I'm saying EVERYONE DOES IT, so get off the high horse!


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Whoa whoa WHOA!!!
Wheres the "hold yer horses, missy!" icon??









Quote:

_Originally posted by kama'aina mama_
*anothermama, I don't see that anyone was saying those people do it so it is okay for these people to do it. They are saying that
A) Lately, by virtue of disagreeing without being disrespectful of others the membership has proven that we can usually air these differences without getting ugly about it. But you will never be able to raise subjects like that unchallenged... it just ain't gonna happen in either direction and I don't think anyone should have to apologize for it.
B) It is not just liberals crashing the threads started by conservatives. The road runs both ways. For MaryKate or you to take along suffering pose after a couple of months here without knowing the history of the place and without having seen it happen in both directions makes you look a little silly. Some members who have been here longer are trying to explain to you that while yes, the sheer numbers of the situation make it statistically more likely that a conservative start thread will be disagreed with by liberals than that a liberal start thread attract dissent from conservative it is not as though it is an organized effort. It's just what happens in public forums.

Does it feel like an onslaught when there are ten posts in disagreement to every one that supports your opinion? Of course. But I see no way around it. Shall we start randomly removing 60% of the posts that disagree with the OP? Only let a liberal into the Activism forum if they are partnered with a conservative so the numbers are always even? There really is no solution.

Those of you who tend to hold the minority opinion have a choice. You can deal with the situation as it exists or you can decide that you prefer to only discuss these issues on other boards where your opinion is the majority. I think I speak for many when I say that it would be sad to lose your voices and your opinions, but it is, ultimately, your choice.*

Look....I dont know you from Adam, nor you I.

You don't have a clue what my opinion about abortion is because I haven't voiced it.

You also don't know how long I've been at mothering because *gasp* people can change their handles. You don't know how long people LURK without registering too. You ALSO have no CLUE how long anyone here has been online and you have NO CLUE as to what their experiences are. Take away the words and your message NOW is "You haven't been here as long as I have so shut up, sit back, and wait till you are deemed worthy".
Ugh. Although I'm not surprised...in my decade on the net I've seen that attitude a gazillion times.

I chimed in because, as someone who wasn't involved in the discussion at all, honestly? It seemed like a bully fest. It seemed like because some people have been here longer (clique?) and knew they'd get "backed up" for their bullying, that they went with it and ran.

I love mothering because it's the most community minded online forum I've EVER been on and the behavior I've seen in this issue has gone radically against everything else I know of MDC.

Dissent happens. But it doesn't have to. And people can use the brains in their heads to say "Oh look! A million other people chimed in with snarky little comments similar to what I want to write, so maybe I'll hold my tounge". And I'm not just saying here...everywhere. EVERYONE feels the need to chime in, EVEN if what they are saying has already been said. And then it's just mean spirited bullying.

People SHOULD be able to raise a topic unchallenged....people SHOULD NOT expect to be ganged up on when they go against a healthy, caring, functional community. If one CLEARLY just wants to talk and clearly does not want to argue, picking a fight is just mean. I would NEVER had expected the response that some ladies here got because this community seems to have more sense. And to say that a particular issue makes it ok to leave your niceness at the door and be purposefully hurtfull is not cool at all.

Sometimes I just want to put all the people in a room at once because you know what? I'm a million percent sure you'd never have the nerve or lack of class to call me "silly" to my face, let alone some of the other nasty comments I've seen around these parts. And maybe if you can't say it to someones face, you should recosider a little of what you type.

Just reduce the situation to it's bare essentials....you have a post that may or maynot have had a misleading title.....you read it, the content is clear, and many women made the choice to make some really snarky comments that they KNEW were mean spirited. I mean...it happened...theres no changing it....but making up all sorts of wordy excuses for bad behavior just is in poor taste. Just say "yeah, I acted badly" and move on. People behave badly all the time. I do. We all do. It happens. And sometimes maybe it's ok to just admit it and move on rather than further your reputation for being mean and trying to justify bad behavior.

Think about if it were your child....
"Sally hit me!"
Why?
"Well...because she hit me first!"
Well, it's not nice to hit...you shouldn't have hit her.
"BUT! She hit me first AND it was really hard AND all my friends said I SHOULD hit her AND they all hit her TOO AND she says it was an accident but I know that she really was just trying to be mean and so that makes it even WORSE AND so, mom, you're wrong! I SHOULD have hit her and I'm gonna go hit her AGAIN!".

Hrm.

Still boils down to "Hey...lets play nice, ok?"

If you are going to name call, take it to a PM please. Sheesh.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*No, once again, well you know what you've done. Where in my post did I say it was ok? Where did I say I had ever done anything like that? I'm saying I've been part of a thread where that happened.

I was saying it's not just "the liberals" that are crashing threads, I'm saying EVERYONE DOES IT, so get off the high horse!*
Well, if you aren't trying to say that "They did it so it's ok if I do it" then what the heck is your point in even MENTIONING it? Yeah...we know everyone does it. We are all grown ups. Uhm....most people have a point for speaking/typing....

I know what I've done? M'am, if you have some personal issue with me, PM me. Don't turn other arguments into your personal vendetta place.

High horse? Uhm.............sure.....................ok


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

No, it's not just you...my issue is with people who complain "Oh poor me, I'm an oppressed christian republican and no one wants to listen to me, no one agrees with my posts..." and then that same person (not anyone on this thread) will do the same thing to the "liberal" threads.

There are all kinds of threads in support of different religious and political views. If someone can't find any christian or republican moms here, they are not looking very hard.

To me this is an example of "the conservatives" complaining about what "the liberals" do, and then doing the same things themselves.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

MaryKate said:

Quote:

why when someone conservitive posts thread(pro-life,republican etc,.) why do the "other side" have to jump in and start this "attack" on us? I don't think(?) us conservitives get on their (other side) threads (pro-choice liberal etc,.) and attack them for what they stand for? In all honesty I was wondering.
I (and one other poster) pointed out that she is mistaken. Those who share her opinions have, on many occasions, spoken up to disagree on threads witha liberal slant. To move forward with this discussion as though that practice is something that is strictly practiced by liberal posters to victimize conservative posters is somewhere between intellectually dishonest and simply mistaken. Because both of you have newish join dates listed I gave you the benefit of the doubt and assumed you simply didn't know that. But maybe I was wrong to do that. Now that you have given me your online resume I guess you are just being intellectually dishonest.

Why do you bring up my lack of knowledge about your views on abortion? I simply followed suit with the OP to use that as an example of a hot topic. Don't care what your views on teh subject are... just want you to understand that whatever they are there is someone here who disagrees with you and because of the nature of this forum... if you state your views they have every right to state theirs in response.

I have no idea what bullyfest you are talking about. This thread has been pretty civil. No one is ganging up. I do disagree with you that people should be able to raise a topic unchallenged. Maybe some topics, maybe some places... but not here.

And on the subject of not knowing one another from Eve (I'm pretty sure the penis or lack of one would make knowing either of us from Adam simple) I will remind you that as you don't know me you have no idea what I may or may not call you if we were discussing this in person. And I didn't call you silly.. I said your behavior made you look that way. There is a difference, actually.

I have no idea what your deceptive title comments relate to nor why any of this reminds you of kids hitting each other so I'm just gonna let that go on by.


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

I totally agree with you, MaryKate.
If I were to write a thread entitled "For Pro-Choice Mamas Only", I would hope that everyone here would respect that and move on to something else that they can debate or support. And vice versa... if someone were to entitle a thread "Anyone Going to the Prolife Rally?", I would be thoroughly disgusted that someone would have to go in and sh*tstir just because they don't agree with it.
Yeah, it's a public forum, but that doesn't mean it's respectful to jump in when the original poster specifically requested a thread for support only.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

The question of "Support ONLY Please" type threads has been raised before. In general, posting that in a title will garner the results you want, but it's not foolproof. There are simply some people (with a wide variety of opinions) who just cannot/ will not pass up an opportunity to say something. I'm not saying I like that fact, simply that I know it to be true. Sometimes people use that kind of request in the title as a kind of carte blanche to say outragous, inflammatory things that others find it impossible not to try to correct. (again... on all sides)


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

I admit it.

I DIDN'T know what the "March for Life" was. Honestly, I thought it was something like Hilary brought up (anti-execution or the like). I felt like I had been *tricked* almost into looking it up and getting my eyes burned by all the hate on the pages I saw. If it had been titled, "pro-life support" or the like I wouldn't have looked (or if I did, wouldn't have posted).

That said, I wasn't actually debating or increasing people's awareness, I probably should have said nothing.


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## Marlena (Jul 19, 2002)

I believe another solution to the problem presented is to post a thread in "Finding Your Tribe." That way, if you're merely looking for supportive posts, you're most likely to achieve that result, as it's the point of that forum.

On the other hand, if you post in Activism, then you - anyone, for that matter, with any opinion on just about any topic - better be prepared for dissent.

And just for the record:

Quote:

Sometimes I just want to put all the people in a room at once because you know what? I'm a million percent sure you'd never have the nerve or lack of class to call me "silly" to my face, let alone some of the other nasty comments I've seen around these parts. And maybe if you can't say it to someones face, you should recosider a little of what you type.
I personally have both the nerve and the utter lack of class, if that's what you want to call it, to be quite certain that, if we were in a room together, I'd say exactly what I say on this board to your face. I'd also hazard a guess that I'm not the only one here who could legitimately say this.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Wait... are we discussing MaryKate's question or are we discussing another thread? Because discussing other threads is a no-no and having had my knuckles rapped for it once... I ain't a gonna do it no more. I was responding to the OP and other comments here. Had no clue what others were talking about til I read Tired's post.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*No, it's not just you...my issue is with people who complain "Oh poor me, I'm an oppressed christian republican and no one wants to listen to me, no one agrees with my posts..." and then that same person (not anyone on this thread) will do the same thing to the "liberal" threads.

There are all kinds of threads in support of different religious and political views. If someone can't find any christian or republican moms here, they are not looking very hard.

To me this is an example of "the conservatives" complaining about what "the liberals" do, and then doing the same things themselves.*
Hrm...
uhm...was this a reply to me? Cause you TOTALLY lost me...I have no clue what you mean.


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

TiredX2 -- I wasn't referring to you... please don't think I was!!!
I used one thread title as an example.... I never even went in and read it until after I read kama's post. It was there so I used it as an example. Sorry if I broke rules or offended anyone!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Candiland---

Oh, no problem. I didn't feel called out, particularily, just trying to apply what the OP was saying to actions I, myself, have taken.

Realistically, I don't think I should have said what I did on that thread. Not because I didn't mean it, or it was *truly* offensive, but because even without a label, it was clearly a support thread. If someone came and posted *information* about a pro-choice rally, I don't think I would be upset, per se, about pro-life individuals spouting off, but I do think I would be like, "hey, just start a thread about that, we're having a conversation here." I guess that means that kind of stuff belongs on TAO, but realistically, the population *here* is who you want reading it so you are kind of between a rock and a hard place no matter what.

I would say what I said in public, and to strangers, etc... BUT, I don't think I would go interupt a private conversation to do so, KWIM.

So, if something I said caused offense, I am sorry. And no, no-one needs to feel like I felt I was being point at. Obviously my conscious wasn't *that* comfortable. I had thought about going back and editing my post, but someone else had already quoted me so I just left it as is.

And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah as I'm apt to do









Kay

PS Candiland--- love your signature. DH got great satisfaction on telling people, "We want to treat our kids the same, so since we didn't get DD circd, we're not getting DS done either."


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

anothermama - I guess I'm rambling. The OP reminded me of a time when a thread I was part of was visited by several people who were anti-that, when they already had their own pro-that thread going. And it also reminded me of other stuff I've been reading lately, so I just go on and on and it only makes sense to me.

I agree with some of the other people here - if you see a thread called "I'm getting an abortion tomorrow" and you can't deal with it, don't post there! Start your own thread.

I have seen threads that say "support only" and then non-supportive people come on there with a lot of "You don't really know what you're doing" kind of comments. I think it's rude.


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## MaryKate (Dec 6, 2003)

All I really meant by my post was every time one of us conservitives posts something,be it mainly for those who think more conservitive, the "other side" jumps in and starts their rude nasty comments. I guess I don't find it very nice. If I find a thread that has a more liberal slant to it I normally just pass it by.
Not wanting to be mean here, this has just bothered me. I guess I expected grown women to be a little more....well.... respectful when responding to a post.
I know I am only 19 years old but even I know better then to post rude comments.








Not trying to be mean here,just have been wondering.


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## irishgreengables (May 25, 2002)

Quote:

All I really meant by my post was every time one of us conservitives posts something,be it mainly for those who think more conservitive, the "other side" jumps in and starts their rude nasty comments. I guess I don't find it very nice.
It is a bit diffcult for me to have much sympathy about this when I find myself accused of being "Anti-American" constantly because I do not agree with our current president on most matters, when laws are being considered that will put me at legal risk for having opinions contrary to the president's, and when a large number of the bumper stickers on the cars around me on the expressway call me cruel things and tell me I am an idiot because I believe differently than the driver. (I won't even go into how awful it feels to go a place of worship and be told that my beliefs are un-Christian). Remember that you are on a board that consists of many people who feel like we are swimming against the current in this particular conservative era. We don't have a lot of safe places to go anymore. Isn't it understandable then that we might express ourselves freely here -- where we DO feel somewhat safe and supported?

Just my 2 cents


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

hhmm....

So does anyone think posting "Support only" on threads will convince people to leave well enough alone?

I am really wondering as I (and I am sure Adina would as well)would like to see this be resolved somehow.

Some people seem to be under the impression this is a "debate" board when it was never really intended as such. Everyone knows it does happen that way a lot but it would be nice if we could come up with a plan to enable people to discuss things more peacefully if they aren't looking for a debate.

Now, I don't expect EVERY thread to say "Support only" at the top. That would be ridiculous! (and funny.."Bush sucks butt!! Support only")

I am just wondering if that might help.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

I like the "Support Only" idea. I think that would be a good place to start. On appropriate threads though, for instance ones that are giving info about a rally, or a march or something like that.

And like abimommy said...not EVERY thread should say "support only" at the top. :LOL


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Or maybe even an "Information Only." So, for the "March for Life" it could have given relavent information and that's it. If it wants to be a support only, maybe TAO would be a better location. Because if I saw an "Information Only: March For Life" and opened it, not knowing what it was and it was filled with comments about "those poor dead babies" etc... it would definately irratate me.

I think there should be a Support/Information only type of post available, but people would need to be careful about what they wrote there and make it VERY OBVIOUS exactly what position will be covered within (let me say it again, I am a dummy and did not remember what "March for Life" was!).

I think all the regular posters here could handle that. Would it be possible to sticky a paragraph at the top of the page explaining the policy (not just a thread)?

Kay


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

How about:

"Support Only--- Has anyone noticed that liberals all have their heads up their a$$es?"

I'm sure we could leave that alone.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Well, this is what I meant before. Support only is a fine idea but if it is being used as a smoke screen for a safe place to say things that members of this community find totally unacceptable it's not going to happen. My recollection of support threads that have truly worked in the past is that they usually make a point at the beginning that they do not want to touch on any of the controversial aspects of the situation specifically to avoid creating a lightening rod. I think few of us would be able to let something that we found personally hurtful or downright innacurate lie if it was a point of controversy.

Don't know if that is making any sense at all.

Oh... and MaryKate... as has been stated repeatedly in this thread... that road runs both ways. This is a *discussion* board. Not a pulpit. I personally do not acknowledge these arbitrary designations of 'our threads' and 'their threads'. They are all threads in activism... available to me for my information and for me to comment upon.


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## Marg of Arabia (Nov 19, 2001)

Quote:

rude nasty comments
I have rarely seen any posts that fit this description.

I have not really had any problem with the way you post, Mary Kate, BUT one of the posters you seem to jump in and support quite frequently is quite rude at times. She has actually called anyone who is a homosexual a sinner. She has also made a lot of other rude comments and posted rude links that are not serious. This particular poster DOES try to rile the liberals up. I try not to react. I try not to be rude or nasty.

The way I see it:

I would rather have rude and nasty people here. Like you said, I can just skip their posts. I want to have all personalities here. I do not like censorship, especially on an activism board. I will always try to be polite. I know I am not perfect and in the years I have posted here I have had times when I needed to make apologies or edit posts. I like a little spice!!! It's all a learning experience. I like to hear what mommies are REALLY thinking.....


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## mountain mom (Nov 6, 2003)

I have been the recipiant of a nasty posting by a member that completely misread my post and reacting very poorly. I did my best to politely reinform her of the meaning of the post but she did not respond. My post was actually about herbs and herbalist and she felt the need to 'attack' my views. I felt sad for her because she obvoiusly was and maybe still is using this forum to vent aggression. I think if you have a forum with so many members and ideas and beliefs it is only logical that some people with not be able to controll their emotions, especially with such topics as discussed in this thread. Does that make it right? No, but those of us who can see past the aggression to the real issue and lead by example. Calmly inform and persistently reinform


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## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I think the "support only" threads are started by people who often receive very little support - not just by people who want all the posters to agree with her.

"Support of single mothers" is different than "support for buying a new car" IMO.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Hmmm...well. I think that in the case of the situation that has happened recently, there needs to be some way for a poster to post a thread that contains information about a rally, or other event that they want to get the word out for, without getting "comments" about the validity of that event.

I don't know if there needs to be an "information only" designation, or something like that, but I do feel that in Activism, it is fair that something that someone feels is actionable can be posted without having to wade through contradictory posts. Make sense? (that was a really long sentence!) And that is for both sides of the fence on whatever issue.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by AdinaL_
*Hmmm...well. I think that in the case of the situation that has happened recently, there needs to be some way for a poster to post a thread that contains information about a rally, or other event that they want to get the word out for, without getting "comments" about the validity of that event.

I don't know if there needs to be an "information only" designation, or something like that, but I do feel that in Activism, it is fair that something that someone feels is actionable can be posted without having to wade through contradictory posts. Make sense? (that was a really long sentence!) And that is for both sides of the fence on whatever issue.*
Excellent points.

Here's my question...
How much "common sense" do we get to expect out of the community?

I mean, it was clear that in the recent example, some ladies were purposefully being snarky. Some weren't. (I only use that example because it's out there right now...no offence meant to anyone).

I agree with you that someone who posts something thats clearly an info or support post shouldn't HAVE to designate that and they shouldn't have to deal with purposefully contridictory comments....but how do you regulate that? Some people just cant hold their tounge or calm down enough to use better judgement, you know?







:


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## MaryKate (Dec 6, 2003)

anothermama-


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

The thing I have learned is when feelings run high about a given subject, be it abortion, the war, Bush, breastfeeding, spanking or whatever, common sense flies out the window.

We all have strong views, or we wouldn't be here. And the more personal those views are, the more we are willing to tell someone they are wrong.

So should we expect common sense to not post on an info thread? No. Would it be nice? yes.

So a middle ground is a way to designate those threads as info or support only so it makes those people who are very caught up in their views and passionate about them, pause and think about posting there.

Anyway...






















My take on it.


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Here's the thing though. As an example, I start a thread saying "Hey! IS anyone going to the Phil Lesh for Pres rally in Golden Gate Park?" Now, if all the thread does is organise meeting places, discuss carpooling etc... it would probably be universally agreed to be rude if someone busted in with "Phil sucks! Jimmy Buffet in 04!" But if the conversation turns to a broader discussion... say I am carrying on about how great his fiscal plans are I think someone would be perfectly within their rights to pipe up with a response, even if it were along the lines of "Dude, are you joking? I used to work at his bank and he bounced checks like the Globetrotters bounce balls!"


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

ITA Kama'aina mama!

It sounds like we really need an "information" designation. Where are support threads kept on Mothering? I assume there *is* a space--- is TAO designated as support only? Like with the recent one:

Title: INFORMATION: Walk for life, Pro-life walk

then inside: where, when, etc...

But NO comments about the murderers, killers, poor dead babies, pig doctors, etc... UNLESS you move it to a regular thread.

But, would people stick with these rules? And, if they didn't, what is the consequence?


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## isleta (Nov 25, 2002)

I have been here awhile and post when I can which is not as much as I'd like









I have seen some stuff go down in many forums and then resolving. I just got edited for the first time, even though I feel it was appropriate. But I got over it because I enjoy this community









If you don't like the tone of a thread or a post skip it. I have had some hard feelings, but realize this is a GLOBAL discussion board.

Please feel free to move on.....


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

OK,

We are not yet making any sort of new policy. It is something that has caused some concern so I was wondering if we could find a simple solution that would work for the community.

Like I said (although in a silly manner) in my earlier post this could not be used as a smoke screen to hide behind while posting in a manner that would draw a debate.

I was just sort of wondering how people might respond to this..would posters on this board respect "Support Only or Info only" tags and not get all snarky at them??

It hasn't been made policy or anything, I was hoping we could come to a sort of resolution without having to even worry about any extra rules being brought up.


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Quote:

I was hoping we could come to a sort of resolution without having to even worry about any extra rules being brought up.
I don't think there needs to be a specific rule, per se, but I do think it would be handy to have a note or something so if someone not familiar with activism came by we could just say, "see up there."

I think we're all adults here so we don't need to be ruled to death







but I do want everyone to feel comfortable and not like others are just lying in wait to pounce.

Though I do like the pouncing!

Kay


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Yes, pouncing can be fun.

I agree too many rules and everyone is







it becomes too much to wade through...

The "scroll on by" thing worked for a bit but it seems no one uses it anymore...


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

what I have seen is people post something inflammatory or aggressive, and then say "no flames" or some such..indicating they don't want disagreement. When sometime the post was so clearly not "for support". (I am thinking of a long ago thread I wasn't able to find...it may have been pulled...this is going back a year or so I think...) It's like says "hey, I want to say things about how wrong and terrible you who think differently are, but please don't disagree with me." You can't have it both ways...something for support or info only should be couched to do something different then avoiding having someone disagree with you.

There is certainly ebough spread over the religious and political spectrum that I donlt feel any one group has the corner or politeness or aggression. And we have a lot of other hot button issues too...spanking, "proper" car seat use, CIO, TCS, SUV's, Give me some time and I can think of more abbreviations.


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

I feel like I can respond to the op....

I haven't given opinion on any activist topic one way or the other (maybe just one on the media). I mostly just lurk and read. I keep my opinions to myself and NO ONE knows where I stand.

That being said, I have to agree with the OP. Conversatives really to get "jumped on" so to speak. Then again, this isn't really a conversative board is it....?

How's that for being neutral..... Hello Switzerland,

Just my .02




















































Lisa


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## Victorian (Jan 2, 2003)

I have been reading this thread with great interest. I think that the OP is right, and that sometimes people may take it a little too far when they get all fired up (liberal AND conservatives). But, I think that on Mothering.com we are all such strong women, that it is hard not to.

Yes, I have disagreed with some people on this thread, but it they needed support with breastfeeding, I would help them all I could. Or if their MIL was being a butt, I would sympathize with them.

Mothering is really such a big family. Do you all remember the wonderful christmas thread? I sent a package to someone that I have disagreed with. The support for Nursing Mother? Isn't she the voice for conseratives around here a lot? What wonderful things that show that we all care! And we care for one another whether or not that person is a carbon copy of us sitting in another state.

I would however like to point out that this is the political forum, and politics are a surefire way to get the blood flowing!

I have been following the "conservative moms" thread over in FYT (I am interested in learning why people think differently than me), and have noticed that on that one, no liberal has butted in and flamed any of you.

Victorian


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What she said.

nak


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

I agree with the poster who said they they didn't want a rule because we're all adults and we dont need to be ruled to death.

BUT!!!

In going over this thread as well as looking back on some archives, I think a rule is the only way to make sure it doesn't happen again. It seems there are many women who feel they have the right to be snotty if they want to be....they feel it's their right to butt in on threads that are obviously not meant to be debatable and from what I read, it seems like the few will continue to do so for that exact reason "I'm not breaking any rule so it's ok!".









I'm not saying MAKE a rule.....I'm like I said I wish is wasn't needed....but it just seems like it's bound to come up again if there ISN'T one. Bah.


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## mahdokht (Dec 2, 2002)

this board has been doing just fine w/o a rule of that nature. every once in a while some toes get stepped on and someone says "ouch," not a big deal. activists are people who feel strongly about their cause. i would really be dissapointed to see this turned into a rule.


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## Marg of Arabia (Nov 19, 2001)

mahdokht


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

As abimommy said, we are just looking at an understanding, not a rule or policy.

Just trying to figure out what designation woudl work for everyone, and be understood.


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## AmyB (Nov 21, 2001)

One reason I like the activism forum is that liberals and conservatives both post their points of view.

However, I've been a bit disappointed that instead of defending their viewpoint, conservatives would rather split of to a safe forum where ideas won't be challanged.

I'm willing to read and argue against the conservative viewpoint, I wish that conservativees would be willing to read and argue against my viewpoint too.

--AmyB


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Marlena_
*I personally have both the nerve and the utter lack of class, if that's what you want to call it, to be quite certain that, if we were in a room together, I'd say exactly what I say on this board to your face. I'd also hazard a guess that I'm not the only one here who could legitimately say this.*
LOL Marlena







me too

I have repeatedly seen people post that don't think others would say what they post if everyone was face to face. They don't know me well enough then, lol.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

the last thing we need is another rule. The fact of the matter is shit happens, and then we deal with it. No one is perfect. This whole debate is another example of how some people want a new law or rule everytime something happens they don't like.








:


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## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

Man, some people just want to legislate every little thing.


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## anothermama (Nov 11, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by kama'aina mama_
*Man, some people just want to legislate every little thing.*
I know it!!!!!

Then again, if we could trust grown ups to ACT like grown ups, maybe people wouldn't feel that way.........


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

LOL you mean if people would just do what you wanted them to do then you wouldn't feel the need to make a rule forcing them to do what you want, lol

my suggestion, use the ignore feature more and learn to scroll on by. no public board is ever going to make everyone happy all of the time.


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