# (No Longer) waiting to m/c...



## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

UPDATE: Well, I don't know if it is over or not, but I am no longer waiting to miscarry. I think it's pretty much done. I'll detail it on the m/c details thread after I know it is all complete, but i felt compelled to check in here, to say thanks to all of you for your advice and support, and to update. I'm currently laying on my side on the couch. DH and DS went out for ice cream.







The short version is that two days ago I saw an acupuncturist and herbalist who specializes in pregnancy issues, and then last night I started cramping (mildly) and bleeding, and late this morning I passed the placenta. I'm not positive it is all of it, though. How do you know?? It seemed a bit torn up, for lack of a better description. I passed a lot more blood after that, and I felt tons better, but it has already tapered off. I wonder if I'm done...? I guess I'll see the doc tomorrow to check w/ u/s...

I had been thinking I couldn't wait much longer (even though so many of you had such patience and were able to wait months), so I feel so fortunate. Ultimately, though, as so many of you said, I am SO SO glad I did wait to m/c naturally...

Thank you, thank you, mamas.
xo
________

I have a blighted ovum (or very early missed miscarriage), seen on u/s, dropping hormones, and I'm now at 9 1/2 weeks, and almost nothing has happened. A couple days ago I had a tiny bit of pinkish-brown tissuey/mucusy discharge and two little flecks of red, but that's it. No cramping or anything.

I've been planning on waiting to m/c naturally, but after scouring the old posts about people's experience with this, I'm having second thoughts! It sounds like most people end up having excruciatingly drawn out m/c's... not only waiting weeks or months for it to start, but then bleeding and even passing different parts/tissues for weeks and weeks before it's over. Is this most often the case, or is it the exception??? I'd just prefer to let my body do what it could/should, but I really want to TTC again soon. I'd been thinking the natural path would allow us to TTC sooner than doing a D&C, but now I'm not so sure... Plus, I do have an aversion to conventional medicine for all the typical reasons, and I'm scared of a d&c because of all that, plus a worry about the chances it might make it harder to conceive again...

How do you decide??? I'm so ready... It is/was so sad, but now it's getting annoying, too... Plus, we're looking to move cross-country in a few months, and were hoping to fly out to look for a place to live as soon as possible, but I feel like I should not get on a plane for five hours until this is over. I don't know what to do!!


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## Amydoula (Jun 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cammiekim* 
I have a blighted ovum (or very early missed miscarriage), seen on u/s, dropping hormones, and I'm now at 9 1/2 weeks, and almost nothing has happened. A couple days ago I had a tiny bit of pinkish-brown tissuey/mucusy discharge and two little flecks of red, but that's it. No cramping or anything.

I've been planning on waiting to m/c naturally, but after scouring the old posts about people's experience with this, I'm having second thoughts! It sounds like most people end up having excruciatingly drawn out m/c's... not only waiting weeks or months for it to start, but then bleeding and even passing different parts/tissues for weeks and weeks before it's over. Is this most often the case, or is it the exception??? I'd just prefer to let my body do what it could/should, but I really want to TTC again soon. I'd been thinking the natural path would allow us to TTC sooner than doing a D&C, but now I'm not so sure... Plus, I do have an aversion to conventional medicine for all the typical reasons, and I'm scared of a d&c because of all that, plus a worry about the chances it might make it harder to conceive again...

How do you decide??? I'm so ready... It is/was so sad, but now it's getting annoying, too... Plus, we're looking to move cross-country in a few months, and were hoping to fly out to look for a place to live as soon as possible, but I feel like I should not get on a plane for five hours until this is over. I don't know what to do!!

I've had both a natural and a D&C. Unless I was less than 6 weeks pregnant I would pick the D&C any day of the week. It was much easier physically and emotionally for me. Natural path you can start ttc again after one cycle, they usually recommend 2-3 cycles for D&C but if you wait forever to m/c naturally that also eats up time. I also found that my hormones were wonky after having my natural m/c as I don't think I expelled everything right away. There is a thread on D&C that you could do a search for, it wasn't all that long ago we all posted our experiences. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## jmo (Mar 18, 2006)

Well, I've had both and neither was too horrible physically. My 2 natural m/c's took about 3 wks from fetal demise to passing the baby and placenta. From when I started bleeding, it was only about 3 or 4 more days until the entire m/c was over. As far as pain, it was no worse than mild contractions for me (but I know some women experience much greater pain than than). My last m/c was a d&c and while it was a lot more to deal w/ in terms of being a whole procedure (going to the hospital, going under anesthsia, etc), it was much quicker and easier. BUT, with my natural m/c's I ovulated 2 wks after (even conceived 2 wks after the first one) and here were are over a month post d&c and no signs of ovulation and no af. Good luck w/ your decision and I'm sorry for your loss.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I m/c a blighted ovum. I was very glad I took the non-medical route.

We didn't find out until nearly 20 weeks and I m/c about a week later.

Personally I would never opt for a d&c without medical reason. I understand why some women do for the emotional aspect, but for me the risks simply were not worth it.

-Angela


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## moonglowmama (Jan 23, 2002)

Might help to give yourself a period of time you're willing to wait, then you'll re-consider the issue again. I did that last week and today I'm completing the miscarriage.

I've had both natural and d&c, and from your post it sounds like you'd be more satisfied with going natural if you can. The length of time varies greatly from woman to woman and even from pregnancy to pregnancy. My last miscarriage I carried my baby 11 weeks before she was born (but she was 12 weeks gestational age). This time I found out one week ago that baby was gone on ultrasound. I'm much more ready emotionally to move on this time, and also the baby was only measured at 5 weeks, which probably contributes to it being a faster process.

Also, I'll add that emotionally it was MUCH more healing for me to go through the natural process, as there is a grieving that there is a space for and you also feel more connected to the process, and to you body and the way it is capable of working.

love to you--


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## TayTaysMama (Oct 16, 2007)

I naturally m/c a blighted ovum at 12 weeks. The gestation looked to be about 9 weeks but I didn't realize that since I never had an U/S done and we didn't try to even hear the HB until the day before.

I can honestly say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It felt like a very short and brief labor. I guess the whole thing took about 2 days, I started bleeding on a Monday afternoon and then the cramping and pain during the day on Tues. and I passed the sac that night. My bleeding afterwards lasted for about 10 days.

I have never had a D&C but I am really not into going to the doc and definitely not a hospital. I was much more comfortable at home. But I also didn't have to wait for it to happen since I didn't know about the loss before hand. I might have felt differently if I had none the pregnancy wasn't viable for weeks before hand.

There are no easy answers. I hope you find what works for you. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## OwensMa (Apr 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moonglowmama* 
Also, I'll add that emotionally it was MUCH more healing for me to go through the natural process, as there is a grieving that there is a space for and you also feel more connected to the process, and to you body and the way it is capable of working.

I agree wholeheartedly with this. I feel my natural m/c helped my heart and head heal, as well. Unless I had an emergent reason for a D&C, I don't think I'd willingly choose that route.








to you, during this difficult time.


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## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

Thanks so much, mamas.

I think what most of you say makes sense to me. I will try to wait. It's the way I would just prefer to go, despite it being rather grueling to wait and wonder and wait and wonder... I feel a little like my life is on hold--like a bad vacation, sort of. But maybe that's part of the process. I hear of women deciding to do a d&c the day they find out, and I totally understand that decision in many ways, but at the same time it feels so... jarring. Traumatic and just unsettling in a different way...

Here's a logistical question: Do you think I should wait to take a five hour plane ride cross-country? I'm guessing yes. Mostly I don't want it to happen on the plane, b/c what the hell would I do then?? But the more I read your stories, the more it sounds like I'll start bleeding in a very manageable way first, like a period, for a good day or two before the truly (physically) hard part happens. Is that right? I mean, it seems way better to be at home to go through it all. That seems the most healing... But at the same time, I'm getting very anxious about putting off this trip for too long. We HAVE to move before the end of the summer b/c of my husband's job, and there's a house we have our eye on that we might want to buy. If that doesn't happen soon, it changes everything (a move to a rental first, which means moving two time, which sucks...)... Anyway, sorry for the ramble...

Thanks again, mamas. I'm so glad to have found this community, despite wishing I--and none of you--had to be a part of this particular circle...


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## Momof4andAngels (Apr 8, 2008)

After having 2 natural MC's and a D&C...

I chose the D&C this last time because I was scared to go naturally with a 10 week baby. Baby had been gone nearly 2 weeks, and I had read all the threads here about actually seeing baby. I wasn't emotionally ready for that.

Now, I wish I had MC naturally. I wish I had been able to hold my little one in my hand and say goodbye. I regret having the surgery.


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## green_sturgeon (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *soon2bemomof5* 
After having 2 natural MC's and a D&C...

I chose the D&C this last time because I was scared to go naturally with a 10 week baby. Baby had been gone nearly 2 weeks, and I had read all the threads here about actually seeing baby. I wasn't emotionally ready for that.

Now, I wish I had MC naturally. I wish I had been able to hold my little one in my hand and say goodbye. I regret having the surgery.


I could have written this. My baby was 11 weeks; we discovered that he/she was no longer with us at 13 weeks. DH was the one who was really scared of a natural m/c with a baby that size, but he lost his brother several years ago, and I respect his fear of something happening to me. I also just wanted the m/c to be done and my body seemed to be taking things pretty slowly. But now I am also struggling with not being able to see my baby and say goodbye (in fact, I am writing a separate post about it).

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Best wishes and ((hugs)).


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## tsume (Jun 4, 2005)

I had one early m/c ages ago and another one last month.

We had a dating scan March 27 and the heart had already stopped at 11 weeks (9 gestational but 11 by the 'normal' counting I found out later) and no way to know when it stopped.

I started bleeding like a regular period April 15 and that evening the baby passed at home.

I had thoughts of getting a d&c but knew in my heart that wasn't something I really wanted to do. I just wanted the waiting to be over. My neighbor had a blighted ovum and from the time they found out until them m/c was complete was 7 weeks. But she only bled for 2 hours and then it was over.

I really am glad that I opted for the natural route. I was able to look and examine the baby and he looked like a little boy. We got to name him and that was very healing for me. I wouldn't have wanted to name the babe unless I knew the gender for sure.

During the wait I referred to the babe as Godot.

peace momma


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

I have only had natural m/c. I was of course offered a D&C (D&E) for my second, but I declined. I told her, I would give it 2 weeks, to think, and hopefully do it on my own. I am far to independent and stubborn to agree to it so soon.
I'd been planning a homebirth, so for the baby to not be born at home, living or not, seemed wrong to me. I was thankful to start bleeding 2 days after 'the news'. I took was 9 weeks. 9+3 when we had our last ultrasound, and 9+5 when she was born.

I don't know that i would have chosen the D&C, I hadn't even started on my research when I began cramping and bleeding heavily enough to know i wouldn't need to. My first two full cycles after the m/c were annovulatory (according to my charting at least) and I had longer luteal phases. I conceived 4 months after my loss.


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## erin_brycesmom (Nov 5, 2005)

I chose the d&e but I'm not sure if it was the best choice. At first, I really regretted it but now I'm kind of glad that I did it because I got my AF just 2 weeks after the procedure (we are desperate to TTC again) and I'd likely still be waiting to miscarry at that point had I not done it. I found out at 18.5 weeks that my baby had died. I was planning a home birth so an operating room was the last place I thought I would be having my baby.

Ultimately I chose the d&e kind of rashly without really thinking it through. Honestly the main reason I did it was because I thought it would allow me to try TTC again the fastest. I was totally and completely devastated at loosing my baby (like everyone else I'm sure). In the first trimester, it was always in the back of my mind as a possibility but once I got farther into the 2nd trimester I just didn't even consider that it would ever happen. Also, they thought my baby had died 3-4 weeks earlier. The u/s showed my baby's head to have coning and looked smooshed and they said it was probably due to decaying. I didn't think I could handle seeing that at the time. Now I kind of wish I had because I hate that I never saw my baby.

My body still thought it was pregnant, I never even spotted and was still having all my usual symptoms and had a belly. I knew it could be weeks if not months before I miscarried on my own since it had already been weeks. I just didn't think I could handle waiting that long, at the time. It happened to my mom. She carried her baby in her womb for almost 3 months after the baby died and then she finally had a d&c because she couldn't handle waiting any longer. I can't say I blame her.


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## veganmama719 (Sep 15, 2007)

*cammiekim*, first of all I am very sorry for your loss. I had a blighted ovum loss at 7w1d in February. I actually started bleeding at 5w5d but was out of the country so couldn't have an u/s or bloodwork down. I would describe it as "light flow" that tapered off after about 5 days to spotting.

I came home and had the u/s which showed an empty sac. I self diagnosed it as a blighted ovum as the tech wouldn't tell me anything. The doctors kept saying, myabe your dates are wrong. I was positive of my dates.

Anyway, 9 days after the first bleeding I had the m/c (I knew it was coming because I was temping and my temp finally nosedived), then bled for 7 days. I didn't ovulate for 23 days after the day of the m/c and since then I've had two slightly late O's (by 2 days) and shorter LPs (10 days as opposed to 14).

So for me, the total bleeding lasted from 5w5d to about 8w, so a little over 2 weeks (with a couple of no-bleeding days thrown in there for good measure).
It was very annoying but I am glad I didn't have a D&C as my doc would have made me wait 3 months to TTC.

ETA: I see you were asking about bleeding in a subsequent post. The day of my actual m/c I bled A LOT. Like an overnight max pad every 20-30 minutes for 3 or 4 hours. But I did have about 36 hours of bleeding before that and I knew it was coming becasue of my temp drop the morning before. If you must fly and you haven't bled yet you may want to consider a depends undergarment of something for the plane ride. The hold alot, I wore them overnight for the 3 days after the m/c started.


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## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

Oh, again, you're all so helpful. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have all of your support and wisdom!

I'm still waiting. Since I haven't started bleeding, really, I told DH to take a quick trip without me. I just didn't feel up to going, but the anxiety of NOT going was really getting to me. And though DH didn't like the idea of leaving me at home, waiting for this m/c, I think he might feel a little good being given an important and useful task... He was feeling helpless, I think.

Anyway, I still haven't started bleeding, but I'm starting to feel a little crampy. Like I have PMS. And today I had a bit more of the mucus-y, tissue-y discharge--kind of brownish pink. I felt my cervix, and it seems to dilated about a pinky-width. Think that means it'll happen soon, or still no telling??


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

unfortunately there is still no telling








I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that it's begun.


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## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

well, it hadn't (and hasn't!) begun yet, still.

The discharge--more like discharge than spotting, mostly brown and sometimes streaked a little with read--is more consistent now, but still not more than that. It's like there's some each time I wipe, but not enough to even leave much on a pad in between... (Hope that's not tmi!)

I just read a post where someone said a blighted ovum is especially hard to miscarry naturally. Do ya'll think that's true?

I'm considering starting to use some herbs, but I'm a little worried that might mean inducing my body to release it when it's not ready, and then it won't be complete and I'll have to get a D&C anyway...

I swear, it's like the existential problem: one can never make a decision worth a sh** because you can't base it on any past experiences or other people's experiences because every situation is actually totally unique... This, even though I know my situation ISN'T unique, it's super common, but i find it frustrating that no matter how much advice we seek and how many of others' stories we read, there is little consistency in when or how it happens. It's so hard to make the decision about what is right for you!! I definitely want to wait for a natural miscarriage, but I'm just so scared I'll end up waiting for months and months, which I can't handle...


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## jprivora (Feb 16, 2007)

I had a blighted ovum and miscarried the placenta at around 28 weeks. The doctor monitored my hCG levels and they reached zero finally when the placenta passed. I had spotting and some heavy bleeding around 12 weeks, which I had hoped was my body starting the miscarrying process but my hormones indicated otherwise and then around 20 weeks I started to bleed again and spotted/bled for 2 months until the around 26/27 weeks I had major cramps, similar to labour and a 1.5 weeks later the placenta just sort of fell out on its own.

I had read that once the body realizes there is no baby most women miscarry soon after so around 13 weeks when the placenta takes over, but my body just didn't listen. I kept thinking that each time I started to bleed that this would be it. Looking back, I am just more angry at my doctor who completely ignored me during the whole process. I wish I had been given options since waiting has been the hardest thing for me. I'm currently two weeks shy of my due date and this cycle is the first time we have actively ttc since August of last year (fingers crossed).

I really don't have any advice, I tried vitex and drinking parsley tea but I am a chicken when it comes to herbal stuff when I read all the possible side effects. I just wanted to share my experience with you since I would have loved to have heard that not all women who have blighted ovums miscarry within the first trimester (which is what I had read).
Good luck.


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## mamaveggie (Mar 24, 2007)

My first pregnancy was a blighted ovum and I found that out at my first ultrasound at about 10 weeks. I decided for the d&c because no baby ever developed I had all of the pregnancy symptoms still. I couldn't live with the morning sickness and the dizziness if it was for nothing. I scheduled the d&c for a week later hoping that the miscarriage would start on it's own but it didn't. I don't regret my decision at all. I'm sorry that you are going through this.


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## L.A.Mamma (May 1, 2008)

I'm waiting it out for another 10 days or so... at that my point if my body still isn't doing the m/c then I'll talk to my doctor. It's frustrating. I'm beyond irritated.


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## nalusj (Apr 25, 2008)

I was in the same situation. 2 weeks ago the Dr. sent me home from the E.R. telling me to expect to miscarry within a couple days. Well, that turned into 2 weeks. I scheduled a D and C and ended up cancelling because I really wanted to let my body take care of things naturally. I was still having pregnancy symtoms, rising HCG levels (slowly, not NEARLY enough or close to doubling) and no signs of miscarriage. With a blighted ovum my Dr. told me I might be waiting for weeks. You understand the stress and frustration in trying to make the "right" decision with this. Anyway, I had the D and C yesterday. I dislike hospitals in general and was very anxious and nervous about the whole thing. While I can't give advice, I will say that the procedure was quick and easy. Of course, I couldn't feel a thing because of the anesthesia. When I woke, I had slight cramping and almost no bleeding. I am sore though. It feels like my stomach muscles are tired. Today is a bit better. I am happy to have the physical part past me and moving through the emotions now. We hope to ttc as soon as the Dr. gives the okay, which she says is about 2 weeks.


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## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *L.A.Mamma* 
I'm waiting it out for another 10 days or so... at that my point if my body still isn't doing the m/c then I'll talk to my doctor. It's frustrating. I'm beyond irritated.

I hear you!!

How long have you been waiting? Is yours a missed miscarriage or a blighted ovum?

Hang in there... and keep in touch.


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## cammiekim (Jun 6, 2006)

Glad your D&C went well. I'm starting to consider it, too, the more I read that women with blighted ovums often wait 15+++ weeks... I really, really can't stand the idea of waiting another month or more.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nalusj* 
We hope to ttc as soon as the Dr. gives the okay, which she says is about 2 weeks.

Huh, really? That's good news. My doc said to wait three cycles after both a D&C AND a natural miscarriage, which sounded way too conservative to me, esp. for the latter...


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## Autumn Breeze (Nov 13, 2003)

It depends on your doc the answer you'll get for TTC.

My (ob practice) midwife told me any time, so long as I was ready. Be that the first cycle, or in months. Then after the m/c when I went in for a check up (had been to the ER after the m/c because of such extreme bleeding) the OB that was there said 'no absolutly no trying until 3 cycles have passed!'

I decided to go with my gut, we started ttc right away, and it took 4 months. So either way, it happened how it was meant too. I guess my body just needed a cycle or two before I got pregnant again. I did not ovulate the first or second month of ttc, just the 3rd and 4th.


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## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

I do not have any advice, just support.


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## nalusj (Apr 25, 2008)

Yah, my Dr. said that there is no physical reason to wait to ttc. She said some Dr.'s do say to wait 3 cycles, maybe for emotional healing. She says my body will get accept pregnancy when it is ready. I had the D and C 2 days ago now and I feel pretty much back to normal physically. It's suprising but there is no pain, cramping, or bleeding.


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

I had a natural miscarriage just about 12 weeks or so (never had an ultrasound), but I honestly believe women have to do what works for their bodies, their lives, and their hearts.

On one hand, physically it was hard and I felt very unprepared, but the labour pains were only for about a day and I am in no rush to ttc again. The bleeding was overwhelming and I did go to the hospital, but at least I feel like I was prepared and ready to say good-bye as it happened on the time frame of nature and not some doctor.

Having said that, God forbid that it happens again, at this point I think I would probably get a D&C right away.


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## jaclyn7 (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:

Ultimately, though, as so many of you said, I am SO SO glad I did wait to m/c naturally...
And that's all that matters, whatever works for you. Much love & peace.


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