# Potty training - can use potty but WON'T wear panties!



## dosmilagros (Sep 1, 2008)

Hi. I'm new here. I'm reaching out for help/guidance on this potty training/learning thing. I've reached the end of my ideas.

My dd is 3 yr 8 mos. She can use the potty (ie, knows when she has to go), but only wants to wear diapers. Cries and begs not to wear underwear. We started the whole potty training thing in earnest when she turned 3 and she was great at using the little potty. But she never wanted to wear underwear (just run around naked). When it was time to get dressed, she would insist on a diaper (I know - I shouldn't have given in then). We finally got her to wear pullups to her MDO program (because she adored her teacher and we told her it made her teacher so happy). She did fine, but when she got home, she wanted diapers again.

Now, her MDO program won't let her in without wearing underwear. I've been "preparing" her for a while - telling her that when she goes back to school she needs to use the potty. She gets quite upset at that. She had a little of a tough time transitioning to a summer program - didn't want to go after 3 weeks off, but once there, loved it. Now, I don't know if she's using the potty issue as way of not going back to school (she says she likes her summer school but not her regular school anymore). I gave her the choice of school and potty or home and diapers, and chose home. Nothing has motivated her - not little brother going off to school, not bribes, nothing!

This weekend she started using the potty at the pool (just sitting on it with her bathing suit on because her friend was using it). And just now, she told me she had to "go" bad and asked me to help her take her shorts off. I was shocked. Once she went she asked for her diaper back and then asked for her goat. (She's been promised a toy goat - her request! - once she uses the potty). I was actually at a child psychologist appt this am about this issue and he wasn't of much help, other than to point out the mixed messages we inadvertantly send. Obviously, I wasn't clear that she needed to wear underwear, not just use the potty, to get the goat.

I'm getting mixed advice from people and am now just plain old confused. Some say to give her the choice and it will happen when she's ready. I buy that, but I feel like she's using this situation. Others say to just be firm about it, like you would with using a car seat - no negotiation. I'm just not sure which to use. I know that she needs a little nudge to do things the first time (ie. summer school), so I'm tending to lean toward just saying she has to do it and dealing with the tears. But I"m so afraid of "screwing her up"! (I'm sure I'll do that anyway!).

Anyway, I'm open to thoughts and suggestions. Should I nudge or let it be? And if I do decide to nudge, how do I do it?

Oh, husband is really annoyed by all this and just thinks she needs to go to school no matter what. Thankfully he's traveling this week!

Thanks so much....

Bridget


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## snoopy5386 (May 6, 2005)

do you use cloth or disposables? If you use disposables start telling her now that when the package runs out you aren't going to buy anymore diapers, keep reminding her, so she has advance warning and then go for it. If you use cloth perhaps tell her you need to "pass them on" to another new baby who needs them?


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## SweetPotato (Apr 29, 2006)

Have you tried "boy shorts" underwear instead of panties? Or thick training underwear? I'm just trying to think of things that are sort of different from the standard panties that she seems to have decided she won't wear. Will she go out in a dress with just a bare bottom? Then maybe you could work up to a dress and tights with no diaper, then maybe up to panties?

Good luck to you. My dd is almost 3 and still back and forth on the diapers/panties/naked thing- though I'm lucky that she'll usually go for the Pingu penguin panites, as long as I make them honk at her-- I probably ought ot buy a couple more packs of those!


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## dawncayden (Jan 24, 2006)

Ds went for a while not wearing underwear. He just wore pants or shorts with nothing under.

Is it ok with her school if she doesn't wear undewear under her pants? I can see having that rule if she's wearing a dress.

I would never make a child do something that isn't a safety issue, like the carseat.
I'd tell her when the diapers run out, thats it. I'd make sure she liked her underwear (let her pick them out at the store, and let her pick which ones everyday)


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## mlh (Sep 29, 2005)

Hugs! You won't screw up because whatever you decide it will be out of love! When my dd was potty "training" she also did not want to wear underwear. So I just made sure she was wearing shorts or capris(no dresses or skirts) and let her go bare underneath. This eventually switched to her wearing underwear that she picked out. I would suggest taking her to the store and letting her pick any kind she wants...make it an exciting thing that she gets to wear underwear.
Good luck with all of this...and remember this too shall pass...


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## dosmilagros (Sep 1, 2008)

Thanks everyone! I actually got her to school today. She went without underwear, just shorts. (It took a little prodding and some reassurance and talking. There was slight pushback, but nothing too terrible). The teachers weren't too happy with that but agreed to try to get them on her. She happily went into the classroom and barely noticed when I left. Apparently she had an accident shortly after I left and the teachers were able to get undies on her then. We'll see what happens when she gets home - she just really loves her diapers (don't know why) and hates underwear. We've done all the tricks - picking it out, etc. Someone suggested the elastic may be uncomfortable and she may actually prefer a thicker waistband, so I may try that out.

The teacher called a while ago and said she's doing great. I just wonder what will happen this afternoon. We'll see. This has been hanging over my head for months.

Thanks for your input!


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## sambean (Oct 5, 2008)

Hi, my daughter has the exact same issue!! I'm at my wits end with her. She is completely able to use the potty (except for BM- we haven't gotten that far yet) without any accidents, but refuses to wear panties in the car. She prefers to be naked at home, but will wear panties outside and for walks in the stroller (long walks I might add). But absolutely refuses them in the car, and refuses to be bribed. I don't know what to do and am completely frustrated. Any suggestions????


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## CanBoo (Nov 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sambean* 
But absolutely refuses them in the car, and refuses to be bribed. I don't know what to do and am completely frustrated. Any suggestions????

The car only?
Maybe she doesn't like to feel the strap?
Diaper provides padding you know... What about trying to pad the strap for her?


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## sambean (Oct 5, 2008)

I'll give that a try. Thanks for the advice.


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