# Two preteens and pregnant



## tri31 (Jan 30, 2007)

I am 31. I have two great kids, dd 13 and ds 11. I married the love of my life last year. I am pregnant







:
I am elated. But I feel like I am the only pregnant woman on Earth with children to be spaced so far apart. I think it will be great. Do any of you have any words of wisdom for us?


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## KalamazooMom (Apr 26, 2005)

Congrats! You will do fine. A good friend of mine was in a similar situation. She had three kids raging in ages from 9-13. She married hubby #2 at age 39 and right away got unexpectedly pregnant. At first the kids were not happy. But now the baby is about 6 mos and let me tell you those kids *adore* their baby brother. And now the older kids are telling her that she needs to have 2 more babies so they can *each* have one of their own!


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## SweetAfton (Sep 23, 2006)

Built in baby sitters!

When I was 13, I *loved* kids (not much has changed







) and begged my parents to have another.

They didn't.


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## Grace43 (Sep 13, 2002)

Congrats! No great advice, but I was born when my parents had 11 and 13 year old girls. They were understandably freaked out when they were told a new arrival was on the way, but were a huge help after I was born. Two things I remember that might be helpful, if totally obvious:

1) Maybe not AP, but when I was 9 months old, my parents left me with relatives for a week and took a vacation with just the older two. I'm sure it helped my sibs to have some time with just the "original" family.

2) Once your babe hits toddlerhood, make an effort to keep him/her out of the older kids' stuff or space. I remember desperately wanting to invade my sisters' rooms, but they were at the age where privacy was really important.

Good luck to you! The three of us are close as adults--so it's not a bad thing!


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## jgmommo (Oct 19, 2005)

My sister married a wonderful man when her son from another relationship was 9. Now she has an 11 yr old and a 1 yr old. Her older son adores his younger brother, watches out for him all the time, explains choking hazards to friends who visit, etc.


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## quantumleap (Apr 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SweetAfton* 
Built in baby sitters!

When I was 13, I *loved* kids (not much has changed







) and begged my parents to have another.

They didn't.

NO, NO, NO!!!! I loved kids too, and babysat a lot for other people, but when I was expected to babysit my 11 years younger brother, the resentment was unbelieveable. My parents saw it as "contributing" to the family unit, and they did have a point, however, a child is a child, and not a babysitter. I think the best way to handle it would be, "preteen/teen, do you have time, and would you like to watch infant/toddler sibling?" and then be prepared to find another solution if they aren't keen.
On one hand, caring for my little brother was really good for me - it made be comfortable and confident in my abilities and it was something special and unique that my friends didn'nt get to do. Also, having a much younger sibling gives older children the freedom to indulge in "childish" activities long after they are "supposed" to move on to grown up activities. For example, the younger sibling is a good excuse to enjoy the zoo, swinging on swings, etc. But, there is potential for a lot of resentment if things aren't handled properly.
Also, you are not alone, not at all. I can't tell you how many people I know who either are the children with the big gap or have children with a big gap. Maybe it's like the phenomenon where, once you're pregnant it seems like everyone else is also pregnant. In any case, you will find people "like you". You have a great opportunity to widen your older childrens' world by introducing a new baby, and the baby will have a great resource and confidants in his/her older siblings. All will be well. And I adore my brother.
Congratulations on the pregnancy!
Katia


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## BelovedK (Jun 7, 2005)

wow, you'll be just fine







Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy every minute of it


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jgmommo* 
Now she has an 11 yr old and a 1 yr old. Her older son adores his younger brother, watches out for him all the time, explains choking hazards to friends who visit, etc.

I have a 9yr old and a 2 yr old. Not as big an age difference, but still sizable. I love it. There's some tricky scheduling stuff, but it's fun, for the most part.

My brothers and I are 9 & 12 years apart (I think







) - we're still close, but not like my sisters and I are (all 2 years apart) - but I think that might be more of a gender thing than an age thing.


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## De-lovely (Jan 8, 2005)

Congrats! Here are my sibling breakdown:

Sister 28
Me 26
Brother 14
Sister 9
Brother 8

I think its amazing! Enjoy!


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

i have a freind MY age (well ok she is 34) and she has a 3 year old little brother !!! yes from her orgianl mom and dad -- can we all say SURPRISE -- ah and SHE has a 6 month old baby of her own....









my boyfreind in college was 22 adn 24 when his two youngest sibs were born.

my sister's babysitter is 24 and has a 2 and 5 and 7 year old sib -- all of whom were born at home where her there, she "doulaed" for her mom and th elast one....

soooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I think families come in all shapes and make-ups.....each with its own PROS and it s own challanges..................

I would not EXPECT built in babysitters, butttttttttttt if the older two WANT to -- i would be glad to take advantage of it. do things like ASK if they can babysit on X night (when they are older and the baby is a tot or whatever) so as to be respectful of their life....but if i had a baby sib when i was 11 or 13 my mom would have had to have beaten me off with a stcik and said "me momma, not you"









Quote:

Also, having a much younger sibling gives older children the freedom to indulge in "childish" activities long after they are "supposed" to move on to grown up activities. For example, the younger sibling is a good excuse to enjoy the zoo, swinging on swings, etc.
yes................... maybe it will help the preteen and teen relish the childhood a little longer...."Well we can go to the zoo FOR THE BABY







"

what a great bridge for them into being repsonbible, but still being a kid.

Also what a great life lesson for then about the REALITY of a baby -- yes they are cute, yes they are fun, no you don't want one of your own at 15!!!!!!

Congrats......relish every second of it....... (are you in teh nov DDC with me?? I think i saw you there...)

Aimee


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## Cruella_DeVille (Jul 14, 2005)

My kids are spaced apart pretty well. My oldest will be 18 this May and my youngest will be 1 this May with a 13-year-old and almost 3-year-old in the middle.

My older kids, especially my oldest is a wonderful help to me when I'm wrangling the two youngest. I try not to have them babysit for an extended period of time unless it's either really important or money is involved. They do watch the boys for me minutes here and there (have to cook, stepping out of the house for a second, am on the phone etc). They do complain from time to time but usually it's when they're feeling out of sorts or just need to hang out with me and have my full attention for themselves.

I think what's really cool is that my eldest is A#1 in my 3-yr-old's eyes and my eldest beams whenever I tell him this







Both my older kids have a lot of fun with the young ones ... they also get irritated with 'em from time to time but that's to be expected.

It's worked out a-okay for me and mine and I'm sure it will work out well for you as well.

BTW, my last two, blessed surprises!


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## memz (Feb 1, 2007)

My family is like that.

Me 26
Sister 17
Sister 7
Sister 5

It was hard for me with my first sister, because she would follow me around and want to do the same has me(normal, but for a preteen and teen got on my nerves







)

For the 2 last sisters, it was great. I was old enough that I did my own thing anyway. And i'm kind af a second mother to them. It's great!!


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SweetAfton* 
Built in baby sitters!


Congratulations OP









I have to cringe at the comment above









As the 2nd Oldest of 4 younger siblings, I was EXPECTED to babysit all the time. Without Pay. And it made me resentful.







:


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

DS1 will be 14 on the 19th of this month.

DD is 4 in May.
DS2 is 2 in July.
Baby-under-construction is due late Oct/early Nov.

DS1 has loved having younger siblings. We do get him to babysit, and sometimes it's when he's not really in the mood. However, we also let him off the hook a lot, as well. It's hard when your dd is crying at her brother's door "let me in - PLLEEEEEAAASE - I want to play with you - PLEEEEAAASE let me in", but I want ds1 to know that he has his own time for his own "stuff". We also pay him for some of the babysitting, but some is treated as his contribution to the family unit.

He fell absolutely in love with his little sister. (Of course, he'd been waiting a long time for a sibling.). He adores his baby brother. He's totally looking forward to the new baby. Yes - it's a very different family dynamic than most people are used to, but we've found it works out great.


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Congrats! I was about 15 when my mom got pregnant. She sadly miscarried, but before then she was already expecting me to be a babysitter and at 15 I had never babysat, didn't want to, hated kids honestly. It made me resentful and angry and I threatened to move away to my dad's. It was such a shame that her insistance on me being a babysitter ( just like I was her housekeeper, gardener, cook, and everything else but thats another thread! ) marred the short time she was even pregnant that I could have spent being excited and happy instead of angry.


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

A very good friend of mine was 21 (his brother 22) when their mom was surpirsed by being pg (she thought she was not fertile anymore) so they have a spread almost twice yours! Congrats


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## Blue Dragonfly (Jun 19, 2005)

My sister and I were just a little older than yours when our (step)mom became pregnant. We were really resentful that we were't "enough" for my parents. However, I have to say, my mom handled it very well. She did what she could to make sure we knew that we were not being replaced. She also bought us a gift from our new brother (I still have it). In the beginning she had to work pretty hard to mediate/facilitate our relationship, but I am so close to my brother (and a few years later a sister) that I can't imagine not having them.

I also really appreciated her trying to keep our baby siblings out of our space, unless we invited them in.

I was however HORRIFIED that my parents had sex to have a baby. So horrified I didn't tell any of my friends. They only found out because my 7 mo. pregnant mom came to my Christmas concert. All my friends thought I was nuts and couldn't believe I didn't tell them.


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## sarahmae1 (Nov 11, 2002)

My mom got remarried when I was 13 and my brother was 11. She had my (half)brother the following year. I thought it was great, and I loved helping out with him when he was a baby and toddler. When I went away to college we became distant but my two brothers are still very close.


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## RBinTEX (Apr 16, 2004)

Read my sig. Our "surprise" came when I was 38. The older kids adore her. They take baths with her, take her to the potty, get her snacks out of the frigde, push her on the swing, follow her up and down the driveway while she rides her tricycle.

She also breaks up their get togethers with friends, colors on homework, steals their treats, throws tantrums to get her way with them, scratches their CDs, and she even left teeth marks on the screen of an expensive iPod Video.

They don't really "babysit," but I do ask them to take turns with her while I try to scrub a toilet or do laundry. (The alternative, of course, is to let them scrub the toilet while I play with the baby! They'd rather play with the baby!)


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## shay (Oct 31, 2002)

I was 12 when my baby sister was born! Loved it and we have a good relationship today.

My kids are spaced out at ages 18, 12 and 5. All the same marriage, all intentional. Dealing with the senior, we really have learned to cherish and appreciate the sweetness of a preschooler!

Relax, you'll have a blast with this baby.


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## rda (Apr 13, 2002)

I have a 15.5 yr old dd, a 14 yr old dd and a 5 yr old dd. Number 3 was a huge surprise for us as we thought I was infertile due to an abdominal infection/surgery/scar tissue thing. No birth control of any kind for over 8 years and then boom! We were happy, but a little embarrased to tell people







since it was a time in our lives that a baby seemed crazy - we had just opened a restaurant about 6 months before and we were barely keeping up with everything.

Aside from all the sibling issues which have already been covered, it has turned out to be so wonderful for dh and I. We are sooo much better parents this time around. The fact that's it's #3, helps, but it's the space in between that has given us so much more wisdom and perspective on everything. Parenting is always hard, but now it's _really_ fun, too. Before, we were too mired in dealing with two little ones who are 18 mos apart. We felt like we didn't get our heads above water for quite a few years, KWIM?

I'm so much clearer about what is right for her and our family. Choices about the hard things (schooling, vax, etc) are easier, and it's lots easier for us to not lose control in the emotional/meltdown/tantrum times.

However, I was 38 when she was born, and the pregnancy was MUCH harder for me. I was way more tired, had sciatic pain for months, and by the last few weeks, all I wanted to do was hide in our room, lay down and not be bothered by anyone. I also remember, right after she was born, thinking "OK, I'm done, I never need to do that again!". I never had that feeling with the other two, and I always felt very ambiguous about not being able to have more kids during the "infertile time" after the second dd. And the "I'm done" feeling has not changed a bit since the day she was born. That has been very comforting to me - to be sure that our family is complete.

I wish you the best - it will be a beautiful adventure, so enjoy it!


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## gsmommy (Mar 13, 2006)

My family is like that too.

sister 43
sister 41
sister 31
me 30

I remember when I was little it was kind of like having three moms but I also remember hanging out at their apartment when they were in college which I liked. We do get along well now but they of course they still treat me like I don't know anything (I'm not sure if it would be different if we were closer)!

Anyway, the hardest part is that now I have a 2 year old and my two older sisters' kids are all much older, the youngest being 12. The sister that is close in age isn't married yet or have any kids. But I will say the big cousins LOVE my dd.

They'll adjust and congrats to you!


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## mama_daba (Dec 7, 2004)

my little brother is not so little now he is almost 15 and way taller than me







. he is 13 years younger than me and for the past 10 years has lived 3000 miles away in another country. but because i was 13 when he was born and 18 when he moved away i was old enough to be able to decide to stay in touch with him and have a close relationship with him we are closer than many of my friends with siblings who are close in age and before he moved away i loved baby sitting him and i got to take him to museums and do all sorts of fun stuff with him.i also learned a lot about children. i am so glad he is my brother and i pay for him to come spend summers with me every few years (our dad, he is my half brother doesn't have the money to pay for visits)

i was kinda upset when my step mom got pregnant and the first 6 months after my brother was born where really hard for me but once i got through that being a big sister became wonderful.


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## marlne (Mar 15, 2006)

I think keeping them involved is always good. That way they feel like they are still included in everything.
I really think they'll love having a baby in the house! My girls are 10 and 12 and we just had our little guy who is 13mos. The girls Love him to pieces!
They are always wanting to help and hold him.

I too have a brother who is 11yrs younger than I am. I loved having a baby in the house and we are still close even though we live so far apart.

Congrats!!


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## mum4boys (Aug 10, 2005)

CONGRATULATIONS,

Lets see I have been married 17 years and have a 16, 14, 9 and 7 year old. I am 30 weeks pregnant with baby number 5.


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## Alohamelly (Jul 1, 2005)

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have a 10yo and about to have my second. I never wanted such a large age gap between my kids, but I'm trying to focus on the positives - like all the help I'll get.


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## punkrockmommy (Oct 31, 2005)

My sister and i are 8 years apart and she was excited at first for me to come, Now she discribes me as the annoying little sister. My mom and her sister are 9 years apart and she tells stories about hw jelouse her sister was. But i think that it will go great for you. My mom and her sister are very close now and my sister and i are friends. Congrats and i hope all goes well.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alohamelly* 
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have a 10yo and about to have my second. I never wanted such a large age gap between my kids, but I'm trying to focus on the positives - like all the help I'll get.









I never wanted the big gap, either - but it's been great. It really is. I do find it a bit surreal sometimes...dealing with poopy diapers _and_ my son necking with his girlfriend by the back fence, with nothing in between...but it's fun. I also think ds1 is going to make someone a fabulous husband one day...if he ever learns to pick up his freaking clothes.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

glad to see so many "large gaps" families here. I hope to one day join you all.


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## chel (Jul 24, 2004)

double post!


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## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

Congrats!

my mom got re married...
me~24
little brother~2 end of march
little sister~ 1 yr in July


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## adamsfam07 (Sep 9, 2006)

When I was 10 and my brother was 7 our parents divorced, both remarried and had more kids. I was the oldest, I was 13 when my little brother was born and 16 when my sister was born. At first I was very angry and resented the fact that I had to babysit all the time. My dad and step mom worked nights so I was the one who got up at 2:00am for feedings and diaper changes, she slept with me and eventually started calling me "momma sissy". After this my step-mom realized that I was babysitting too much.







I still babysat but they started paying me, which at the time I loved! Now I feel bad for taking it. I came to love and treasure my younger siblings and in fact I am closer with both of them than I am with my brother who was only 3 yrs younger than me. I think you and your family will be just fine, it will teach your older kids lessons they will come to use when they are parents. I am thankful that I had all that experience before I became a mother, I wasn't terrified of handling a newborn. Good luck to you and congratulations!


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

Congrats on your baby!!

My mom had me when she was quite young (17) and married when I was 8, and he adopted me so he is my Dad in every way that is important.

When I was almost 11 my brother was born, and I was so happy. I got another brother when I was 13. I call them "my boys" because I had a hand in raising them. And now that they are in their teens we have a relationship that is moving away from an almost parent-child to a great friendship. They are awesome uncles to my kids.

I also loved that I could catch every new Disney movie that came out because I had a built-in excuse: "my little brother wanted to see it"

THAT said, a few things to keep in mind:

1) Sure the babysitting thing can be great. But pay them. I started really resenting the time I spent babysitting, especially if it was on a night when I could have been out with friends or making money babysitting elsewhere. However, I was considered to the best babysitter in our neighbourhood because of the experience I had with my younger siblings.

2) Ditto to the letting the older kids have their space. I remember my youngest brother getting into my room and drinking a bit of then spilling the rest of my small but expensive bottle of perfume that took me ages to save up for and buy. I was so angry...but at my mom for letting him get into my room. She did replace the bottle, but I still did not think she really got why I was so upset.

3) I felt that my Dad did not need me anymore because he had his "own" children. Looking back, this was a ridiculous line of thought. He coached my softball team, he was at every race when I paddled, he got involved in any club I was in, he was at every school event...and so on. But I was a moody teen going through puberty and looking for someone to blame for something. Had he realized why I was so hostile towards him, I know he would have made it better. But, and I love him dearly, he's oblivious to that sort of thing. Just keep in mind that your kids are at that age and will need reassurance that they are not being replaced.


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## lunabelly (Jan 4, 2007)

I have a 12 yo dss, 10 yo dd, and am pg with #3. I don't know how well it's going to go, but you're definitely not alone.


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## love2all (Dec 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RBinTEX* 
Read my sig. Our "surprise" came when I was 38. The older kids adore her. They take baths with her, take her to the potty, get her snacks out of the frigde, push her on the swing, follow her up and down the driveway while she rides her tricycle.

She also breaks up their get togethers with friends, colors on homework, steals their treats, throws tantrums to get her way with them, scratches their CDs, and she even left teeth marks on the screen of an expensive iPod Video.

They don't really "babysit," but I do ask them to take turns with her while I try to scrub a toilet or do laundry. (The alternative, of course, is to let them scrub the toilet while I play with the baby! They'd rather play with the baby!)

I agree with that!!!
It is so nice the way the older kids USUALLY love their little brother. BUT there are those times when the 2 yo can be a menace to them- try an elaborate art project with a toddler who can easily climb on to the table and throw like a baseball pro. Even a board game can turn into a screaming/crying fest. Little guy thinks he can do whatever the big kids can and he will follow them into the middle of a pick-up soccer game and get clobbered by the ball.

But then at night when all three are lying in my bed and hugging and telling each other how much they love each other and are playing dinosaurs--I easily forget all the little quirks of having tweeners and a toddler!!! It is really wonderful!!!

Congrats op on a new babe!!!


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## tri31 (Jan 30, 2007)

I am really greatful for your thoughts. Thank you.

Peace


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## amnda527 (Aug 6, 2006)

Just wanted to add my experience! I was 10 when my brother was born, and 13 when my sister was born. Looking at it from the outside, you would think I was a bigger help to my mom when my sister was born, but that wasn't the case! When my brother was born I helped out all the time, and I was very interested in my brother. I was in my "moody stage" of life when my sister was born, so I couldn't care less about helping to take care of her or any of that. (yea, i was bratty) So with that, I think having an older kid around can be a help, but it really depends on the kid.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I am 21 and 25 years older than my youngest siblings. Congratulations.


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## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

ElderSon is 25; the Dumplings are 10 & 11. He babysat one baby, but when Dumpling 2 was born (a year and 2 weeks after Dumpling 1), and was premie and high needs, that would have been too much, at least for more than the quickest urgent grocery trip.

The coolest thing happened when I saw ElderSon with his brand new daughter, 2 months ago. It was amazing how comfortable he was with this tiny new born person. I think the average new Dad with less experience has a harder time getting used to holding, changing and wearing a baby. For him it was old hat, and he was able to help his wife. Ahhhh, it was so sweet to watch!


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

My older brother was 18 when my little sister was born. So, nope, you don't have the biggest spacing "ever"!


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

I love the "large" age spacing. My kids were 10 and 8 when their sister was born. It's never been a problem, only an added blessing.

Now it's even better (12, 10 and 2). The older two obviously love her and there is no sibling jealousy. My son reads to her, plays with her and will even give her a bath at night. My daughter does all that and will lay down and they go to sleep together at night.

I always say how great it is to have that one baby "later." I"m older, wiser and it's like having a first child at 40 but you don't have all the nervousness of a first child since she's #3.

I can't say enough great things about it. Enjoy.......


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## angel1895 (Nov 9, 2006)

ok. the ages of myself and my younger siblings are (rounded up.. there are three bdays coming soon







)

22, 21, 14, 6

its ok!

if anything you have some built in help.. and it will be great practice for them... at least it was for me

and btw.. my grandmother has children 20 years apart!


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## shay (Oct 31, 2002)

Again, mine are 18, 12, 5 years.

I wrote in the Christmas card update how the little reminds us of wonderful it is to parent!! They just love you with hugs and kisses when little, sleep in the middle, want to color, and simply be full of life. Things change a bit when they are teenagers and NOT that way!!


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

I had my third child (first with my dh) when ds1 was 10 and ds2 was 7 then we have had dd2 since and my eldest is almost 14 and ds2 is 10.

Our 4 yo drives her brothers mad at times but she also makes us laugh a lot and our lives are so fun-filled and literally wonder-ful with the little people which is amazing.

One thing we have never said is that our children are *half* siblings. They are brothers and sisters and that's it.


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## sunflowers (Sep 24, 2006)

My son was 13 when dd was born. I have to say it was not all sunshine and rainbows during my pg and for a time after. Ds was very used to being an only child and having me all to himself. He went through a fairly long (IMO) period of adjustment but now he really loves his little sister









That's not to say he doesn't appreciate his privacy and his stuff being treated with care. And some days he she can really grate on his nerves with her constant calling to him and trying to follow him around







but so far, he's been wonderful about it all! (the story about the toddler banging on the teens door in an earlier post made me chuckle... it's becoming a near daily occurance in our home! and the post about the teen not telling his friends- happened over here, too







Teens can get so easily mortified by the thought of their parents having sex.)

Good thread- I wish I had known about you all last year!


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

My son is 15 and my dd is 19.5 mos, so that's a 13.5 year spread.







Its been quite the adventure but I can honestly say that I am enjoying things much better this time around. I find that I have levels of patience I did not have with my son and am much more there as a parent. That said I love going from being immersed in toddler things then hanging out with my son. I like the spacing.

Congratulations!

Shay


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## 3daughters (Aug 11, 2004)

I was 10 when my sister was born (my brother was 7). I loved having a baby in the house! I'd waited 10 years to have a _sister_!

Positives:

I helped raise my sister until she was about 4 years old so having my own babies was so familiar and easy.
My sister is now 22 and my daughters have a young, hip aunt to look up to.
She now babysits for me for the last 2 weeks of every summer between camp and school.
Negatives:

I feel that my mother was more tired and had less energy and patience for me during the pregnancy and for the next few years after.
I shared a room with my sister before she slept through the night so nights were...um...interesting.
I moved out when my sister was 11 (and "checked out" earlier) so we didn't have any relationship for any of her teen years.
I always felt that my sister was easily granted priveleges that I had to fight for.
My dh's oldest sister is 25 years older than the youngest sister. He is the youngest of the first batch of 6 and then his mother had 2 more kids after a nine year gap. DH now has a great "big brother" relationship with the brother that is younger than him by 9 years.


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## tri31 (Jan 30, 2007)

You all have been such a great source of information. I have to ask, how should I tell them I'm pregnant? I will most likley wait another month anyway (whole different topic). Is it better to let them have time to chew it over? Or, would it be better to wait until I'm obviously pregnant, and let them take it up with me? I want to approach this with tact. Any thoughts?


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## kennedy444 (Aug 2, 2002)

I told my kids when I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. Two reasons, one I wanted to have had my amnio and have all my facts for them and two, then the pregnancy wouldn't seem so long.

They were thrilled when I told them and have enjoyed their little sister from day one.


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## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

I told mine as soon as we knew. I have a blood clotting disorder and need to inject daily to prevent a blood clot forming and see specialists while pregnant too so we would have syringes and sharps containers in the house which I didn't want to keep secret.

As this was my fourth child I knew I would need their understanding if I went to bed at 4pm because I just couldn't stay awake and if I felt I couldn't cook sometimes if I was nauseous.

It turned out that I was incredibly tired in the early months and nauseous too and they were both very kind. They were propud of me for injecting daily and comisserated over my bruises.

If the worst had happened I don't know how not telling them would have helped as I would not have been able to hide my grief from them.


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## 3daughters (Aug 11, 2004)

My in-laws were creative when telling the older sibs that my dh was on the way. They called a family meeting and took a "vote" on who wanted another kid (he is #6). Only catch was that #6 was on his way already







.

My sil (now 43 yo) found out that her mom was pregnant with #8 (now 19 yo) when she got engaged and wanted to plan a wedding for June. Mil informed her that she had other major plans for June and the wedding would have to be in July. My mil spent most of sil's wedding nursing newborn sil in the bathroom...


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## sarahmae1 (Nov 11, 2002)

I think that you should tell them as soon as possible. My mom told us pretty much right away. I kind of already knew, and I was really happy. It was neat because my brother and I got to be involved in the pregnancy too.

I've always told my kids pretty early on and involved them as well.

I believe in being as honest as possible with kids, so that's one big reason why we tell early on. It's also been helpful in that they kind of can understand why I am tired or not feeling well sometimes.


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## mamarhu (Sep 12, 2004)

I really don't recall how or when we told ElderSon. But I plan to talk with him this evening, and will ask if he remembers, and if he has any suggestions or comments... To be continued...


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

We have DD 9, DS2 and DD 5weeks. As for DD #1 I think the hardest part was the change in routine and amount of avaible mommy time. Shortly before DS was born we started to have
'girls club meetings " were just the 2 of us would do stuff together. This could be painting, games reding, a outing ect. We continued this after DS was born and even changed it so she got points for her chores. When she got a certain amount of points she gets an outing or alone time with mom or dad. That encouraged her to be helpful which was a plus!

another time was to tell her before the baby was born that she will feel jelous from time to time and that is normal, but that when she feels that way it is not acceptable to be sassy. I told her she must tell us and we can talk about it. This was very important and allowed her to express her unwanted feeling with out fear of rejection

Good luck!!!


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## FitnessMom (Mar 19, 2004)

I am glad I found this thread! It makes me happy to see that there are other families with children spaced far apart. My two are 10.5 years apart. My youngest is almost 6 and I still want one more.


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