# Do you enjoy being a mama?



## bluedaisy (Sep 5, 2008)

I was relaxing in front of the TV during my dd's nap and caught dr phil and the first few minutes of the view...

dr phil was "the reality of mothering" and talked about the challenges and hardships of being a mom.

on the view, they wer etalking about a happiness study and said the people who were most happy were those without kids

So i want to know, how do you really feel about mothering? the poll is anonymous so you can be honest...

I only have one daughter who is 9 months, so maybe my answer will change in the future, but i genuinely enjoy taking care of her. It is restrictive and frustrating at times, like when she won't sleep (which happens three times a day!), but i would gladly exchange some personal freedom for the joys of being a mama.

what about you?


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think at the end of the day or end of my life so to speak, I'll be 100% happy about having been a mom. No regrets.


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## FreeRangeMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I love it all the time and wouldn't change a thing. Even when they are driving me crazy I love it. I think tv is a joke and they just go for the things that bring in ratings


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## Bug-a-Boo's Mama (Jan 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluedaisy* 
the poll is anonymous so you can be honest...

Is the poll missing or are we skipping over reading the names







.

Motherhood is hard. Much harder than I would have ever thought. But I would not change anything nor do I wish I hadn't had K. Of course knowing and living it makes me really wonder if I want to have another.

Actually for me, our marriage since having K is the one thing I would definitely change. Once again, wouldn't take K out of it. Being together for so long before having a child poses its own problems.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

most days, yes.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

I picked "love it all the time" but that wasn't true when DS was younger. I was quite exhausted a lot when he was a baby and there were days I didn't love it at all.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I voted other because I'd say that I love having a family, not necessarily my role as a mom.

Maybe the distinction is irrelevant. I don't know. But I really enjoy us being a family... DH's relationship with the kids, and the kids' relationships with each other, and my relationship with DH, as well as my maternal relationship with the kids. It all contributes to my being happy with my life.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *QueenOfTheMeadow* 
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think at the end of the day or end of my life so to speak, I'll be 100% happy about having been a mom. No regrets.

This.

As far as the poll goes, I'm hovering between "I love it most of the time, but I have my moments." and "It depends on the day."


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

I love it most of the time but I have my moments is what I chose, but it's actually a bit more complex.

I love it and I would never go back. BUT I did have to learn that I love it when I am also being me, and part of being me is having a career of some kind and having some down time. And sometimes that means a DVD popped in or whatever.

In other words, I love being a "real" mom and not a great mom.

Also I do find that when I'm at work it's a little harder to be completely happy there because a piece of me is missing being with my son, even though I know if I were home full time a larger piece of me would be freaking out. So one could argue my overall happiness has gone down some.

Mostly I think women are unhappy as mothers because our society has some unrealistic expectations for how our families are structured and what we are supposed to provide.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
i adore my children, and i feel like it's my calling to raise them and nurture them, that they chose me and my dh to come to before they were born. i take profound delight watching first steps and listening to their thoughts and laughing with them...
doesn't mean i'm not also profoundly grateful to have a minute to myself to regroup, relax, and catch my breath.
it's an astoundingly challenging job, motherhood, but it's the most rewarding journey i've ever been in on in my life.


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## jeteaa (Jan 23, 2007)

I love my kids. I find motherhood so absolutely, unimaginably, wonderful and hell on earth. I find being 100% responsible for another life to be soul/life draining but at the same time to be soul/life rewarding. I would never give it up. But I wish I could have the love w/o the worry, guilt, anxiety.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

I voted I love being a mommy all the time. There have been times when I haven't exactly liked my kids but I have never regreted having them. Not Erica who is bipolar nor Dylan who was born just when we were thinking that we were nearing the end of parenting. It's been fun, frustrating, entertaining rollercoaster of a ride and I'm very glad that I didn't miss it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
I voted I love being a mommy all the time. There have been times when I haven't exactly liked my kids but I have never regreted having them.

The problem with polls like this is that everyone answers them from a different angle. I don't always like being a mom - but I've never, ever regretted having my kids.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
The problem with polls like this is that everyone answers them from a different angle. I don't always like being a mom - but I've never, ever regretted having my kids.











I love being a mom most of the time, but I have moments when I really miss my child-free days (6am on a Sat morning is frequently one!). But I wouldn't trade having DS for anything.


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## frontierpsych (Jun 11, 2006)

I said it depends on the day. I've got anxiety issues, and I'm okay when DS is okay, but some days I really just feel like shutting down. bleh.


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Erin** 
i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!
i adore my children, and i feel like it's my calling to raise them and nurture them, that they chose me and my dh to come to before they were born. i take profound delight watching first steps and listening to their thoughts and laughing with them...
doesn't mean i'm not also profoundly grateful to have a minute to myself to regroup, relax, and catch my breath.
it's an astoundingly challenging job, motherhood, but it's the most rewarding journey i've ever been in on in my life.

This.


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## purplemoon (Sep 24, 2008)

When in the throws of new motherhood or with young kids, I would imagine saying I was happier without kids.

Not that what the children bring to my life during the most dependant and draining stages aren't the most magical. I actually believe they are!

But, with most of life, what is the best reward is the most work. A tiny defensless being is adorable, cuddly, innocent and sweet but.....also a ton of work.

I say that the majority of the time I enjoy them in some aspect. But, there are days where if there was a return to sender sticker I would place it on their heads and mail them off.

However, as others have said, I have NEVER regretted having them. Never. And, I don't think my life cycle would have been complete without them. I NEEDED them to grow and there are growing pains, but I like the journey of motherhood. I love my children and I will hope to love the blessings they will bring to the world and their families and mine in the future.

I think what drains happiness is that our society is not built around families and that mothers are basically shut off from the world to live in a hamster bubble of lonliness. That isn't how most of the world works, but America is particularly good at downgrading motherhood to slave labor in lonliness and unappreciated and "that she should be happy to be staying at home". Reality is that we don't stop being women with passion and intelligence. But if we head for the workforce we get all the other stereotypes. There is no winning as women.

So I would say that most times I am unhappy are the days/weeks/months without any outside support, feeling downtrodden and useless. Not my kids doing it to me, but the fact that the rest of the world wants me to tread water for hours with a smile on my face when they could send me a life vest and call it a day.

That is when I have a bad day!


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## SparklingGemini (Jan 3, 2008)

My DD is only 26.5 months but I have to say that I absolutely adore being a mama.

I was a nanny and preschool teacher for years and years and years. And after so long raising and educating other people's children, its such a _joy_ to have one of my own. Especially since she was such a long time coming.









Do I have rough days? Absolutely.

But that never ever changes how much I love (really and truly) mothering her.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

I love, LOVE being a mom (I'm a Disney movie freak, I listen to kids music in the car & I desperately want a tricked out van) - but holy wow it is the most awesome, exhausting, fustrating, mindbending, challenging, amazing job ever all at once all of the time. Sometimes I scream in fustration and 5 minutes later am a pile of goo in my toddler's arms. Sometimes I'm desperate for a babysitter only to use my time thinking about my kid.

I have to say that I was a much better mother before I had kids, if you know what I mean







I was also a preschool teacher & thought I'd be pretty well prepared for having my own little person. I read all the books & knew all the rules. Apparently that whole "going home to a quiet house & having a nice glass of wine" relaxed me a lot more than I ever knew!









I don't think that TV program is a joke, either. I think that it's absolutely ok to not enjoy being a mom. It's completely draining, and I completely respect & validate any woman who feels that way. I've felt that way several times & I've only had one kid for 3 years


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i absolutely love, love, love being a mother. my dd is 7 now and i miss the child everyday as i see her grow up. however i do have moments when i need a break from her.

however i will say i am happier as a mom rather than not a mom. being a mom profoundly changed my life and changed me completely. i think i have a 'deeper' way of living. mothering brings out the best in me - rahter than the worst. i have had a LOT of stress after being a mother - and it was my baby who kept me sane.

with all my identities - as an individual, student, dd, coparent.... i am more a mother than anything else.

nothing has brought me more joy than watching my little girl grow up.


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *purplemoon* 
I think what drains happiness is that our society is not built around families and that mothers are basically shut off from the world to live in a hamster bubble of lonliness. That isn't how most of the world works, but America is particularly good at downgrading motherhood to slave labor in lonliness and unappreciated and "that she should be happy to be staying at home".

I totally agree with that. I love being a mother to my kids, but I don't enjoy the isolation it sometimes brings. The respect I worked hard to earn as a professional in my field before I had kids I am allowed to take pride in, and I feel I am not taken seriously anymore. This is probably something that will last until the kids are much older. My primary responsibility is, indeed, to my kids, but that fact should not have to mean that I am unable to participate in other activities. I was very politically active before I became a mom, and have found my activism to be pretty limited to birth rights, lactivism etc now.

That said, I do think being a mom is wonderful! I enjoy mothering enormously, it's just the labels that society sometimes sticks on you that are annoying.


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## *Lisa* (Dec 19, 2002)

The study that they were talking about was done a couple of years ago, I think. They had people wear beepers (both moms and non-moms). Every so often, the beeper would go off, and the person would have to answer a series of questions, including how happy they were right at that moment. Overall, non-parents were more likely to report being happier in the moment than were parents. In a way, I don't find this surprising at all. Parents are more likely to have to deal with fussy, irrational, diaper-wearing, stress-producing people than are non-parents . In the moment, this can be incredibly challenging.

The study did not look at people's overall satisfaction with their life. It did not ask about whether or not having children is worth the additional effort and discomfort involved. Parenting can be incredibly stressful, boring, and just plain hard on a minute to minute basis. It's also the most amazing thing in the world. I wouldn't change it for anything.


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## PretzelMama (Apr 19, 2009)

I love love love being a mother, but I don't enjoy being "on duty" all the time. There are definitely times when I want a break!


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

I voted "..most of the time, but I have my moments" - who doesn't??!!

Ds has taught me so very much, and I honestly LOVE being his Mom. Never, ever have I regretted having him. Sure, he's a LOT of work. He's Aspergers and has always been very spirited and emotional - even now I don't know what mood he'll be in when I pick him up from school. Could be the sweetest, happiest kid on earth, or he could melt down and sob because his pencil broke in half.







But that's who he is, he's my child and I do believe he was given to me for a reason - I'm able to be a wonderful parent to him, I'm able to be what he needs.

Is it hard? Sometimes, sure. But in the end, the reward is so very worth the effort. When he gives me that rare hug and says "I love you bigger than space" - you can bet it's worth it!!

I'm not sure I can handle more children, so ds may be our only. But yes, I do very much enjoy being his Mama.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

No regrets and my son is the light of my life.

That said, there are days when my enjoyment level is pretty low. When I am drained and taxed and feel like my patience is going to snap at any given moment.

My husband and I work opposite shifts, so I'm home alone a lot.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Having not intentionally become pregnant, I had been pretty ambivilent(sp?) about mothering and being a mother in general before DD was born. As soon as she was born it was like a light was switched in my head and I knew what the true focus of my life was going to be.

I love being a mother and like everyone here I wouldn't trade it for anything. I find it hard to believe that someone loves every single second of all that being a mother means though. I'm talking about the waking up at 1am because LO wants to play and is rolling around next to you in bed wide awake (something I enjoyed last night







) or when you are sick and LO is sick and you still have to drag yourself around to care for LO...That type of stuff I am not such a fan of but I can handle it because the majority of the time is just a joy to watch DD grow and learn something new every day.


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

i love being a mummy and love my little monsters although there are days when i feel tearing my hair out lol


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

I love being a mom but I do have my moments. Two puking kids while trying to ward off morning sickness isn't one of my favourite parts of motherhood. It also took me a while to adjust and with my first I looked forward to working outside the home when she was 2 just so I could have a break. That opened my eyes to how much I really wanted to be home with her and what a blessing it is that I'm able to be at home with my children.


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## carfreemama (Jun 13, 2007)

I voted "love it all the time," but that's how I feel today!

I have 1 child, enough financial resources (wouldn't say wealthy, maybe, but money/security is not a stressor); grandparents who help, a good school within walking distance, a safe neighbourhood, a solid relationship with a helpful spouse, no health/behavioural issues (beyond the usual), etc...

And it's STILL challenging at times. I must say, I started out parenting feeling very inadequate/clueless as a mother, because I hadn't found my own way yet; which turns out to be attachment parenting. Once I gave up the idea that I was supposed to punish, realized that it was okay to co-sleep and have my daughter wake through the night (thanks, Naomi Aldort!), etc. I started enjoying mothering a lot more. I'd be miserable if I tried to be a mainstream-type parent, because of all the pressures.

I don't mean to suggest that happiness depends on money and support, but I feel awfully lucky and do feel having enough of both has made life with dd much easier.


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## Super~Single~Mama (Sep 23, 2008)

It depends on the day for me. My son is 8.5months, is a wonderful baby, but is moderate to high needs (he's happy, but requires constant playing with/attention). I love with all of myself, but on some days I get very overwhelmed and feel like I just can't do it.

He's also been very difficult lately b/c he's teaching himself to walk (not the usual cruising around and then taking independent steps, but by standing up in the middle of the floor and just going for it - he gets frustrated all the time) so he's been very challenging lately. I ALWAYS love him, but sometimes I wish I could give him back to his parents and love him from afar - then I realize that I am his parent and I can't do that







.

I'm hoping it gets better as he gets older.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

I love it most of the time but have my moments but my moments are not because of DD it is always something stupid like I have too many things to do or look for; the dogs are pissing me off or something like that. But being a mother is the most important thing to me in life and I can't imagine life without my wonderful child.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
The problem with polls like this is that everyone answers them from a different angle. I don't always like being a mom - but I've never, ever regretted having my kids.

Yeah..because I love my daughter and being with her and doing things with/for her all of the time but I don't always love mothering itself because of my own failures and stuff..nothing to do with her as a person.


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## kcparker (Apr 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bluedaisy* 
a happiness study and said the people who were most happy were those without kids

What measures were they using? I suppose not having kids (and probably not having a spouse!) make one's life a lot simpler - you have autonomy, privacy, more spending money, you can eat what you want, when you want, you don't have to clean up somebody else's messes or poopy bottom, nobody smears bananas on your pants right before you go to work, you can be very self-focused and gratify your own needs without having to consider anybody else's. If that's happiness, then yeah, childless people are probably happier.

But long-term, I obviously found that to be an impoverished measure for happiness, or a kind of happiness that one can get one's fill of. Going out for dinner has never made me so happy that I cried because my heart was so full of love for the food or the chef, sleeping in is nice and all, but looking at DS sleeping peacefully with his arm around his plush goose before I come to bed makes my heart swell more than waking up at 10 a.m. ever did, and the joy of watching him learn to draw, run, or help with making pancakes provides me with a deeper kind of happiness than if I did all of these activities solo.

Having said that, there are also the times when he's been crying, and I've been crying right along with him, times now when I wonder 'what were we thinking?' for deciding to have a second child. Making a baby is the 'easy' part. Being a parent -- biggest challenge a person can take on. It's hard to be mindful, to be patient when I am hungry/tired/just done for the day, when DS is schimpfing for no apparent reason, when he throws something I just asked him NOT to throw. As much as possible, I try to view parenting as a spiritual practice, one that asks me to find inner reserves of strength, patience, and creativity that I didn't know I had, to be present in the moment and really see my child as he is now and to try to meet his needs in a compassionate way.


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## Dr.Worm (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kcparker* 
What measures were they using? I suppose not having kids (and probably not having a spouse!) make one's life a lot simpler - you have autonomy, privacy, more spending money, you can eat what you want, when you want, you don't have to clean up somebody else's messes or poopy bottom, nobody smears bananas on your pants right before you go to work, you can be very self-focused and gratify your own needs without having to consider anybody else's. If that's happiness, then yeah, childless people are probably happier.

But long-term, I obviously found that to be an impoverished measure for happiness, or a kind of happiness that one can get one's fill of. Going out for dinner has never made me so happy that I cried because my heart was so full of love for the food or the chef, sleeping in is nice and all, but looking at DS sleeping peacefully with his arm around his plush goose before I come to bed makes my heart swell more than waking up at 10 a.m. ever did, and the joy of watching him learn to draw, run, or help with making pancakes provides me with a deeper kind of happiness than if I did all of these activities solo.

Beautifully said


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

I'm a most certainly "it depends on the day" kind of mom.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
I voted I love being a mommy all the time. There have been times when I haven't exactly liked my kids but I have never regreted having them. Not Erica who is bipolar nor Dylan who was born just when we were thinking that we were nearing the end of parenting. It's been fun, frustrating, entertaining rollercoaster of a ride and I'm very glad that I didn't miss it.

I agree with what Storm Bride said about the problem with polls being that people answer from different angles. I don't think that not regretting having kids = loving being a mother all the time. At all. So yeah, I guess the results of this poll don't really mean anything if people are answering from such different perspectives.


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## JennTheMomma (Jun 19, 2008)

I love it all the time. I know I was going to be a mom from a young age, and I am so glad I am. I don't think I would be happy not being a mom, I think this is what makes me happiest. I grew up around kids my entire life, and nothing that Hunter has done is new to me. I know that parenting can be hard, but for me, it really is the easiest job I've ever done.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

I love it all the time. Everything's not perfect all the time, but I still love being a mom, even when DD is throwing a tantrum or up sick. Not to sound like Katie Holmes, but it's just amazing and I do love it.


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## seriosa (Apr 2, 2009)

I voted I love it all the time. Because being a mother is what I am, not what I do. So it's not about whether I need down-time or whether I am at work and concentrated on my projects and DS is completely out of my thoughts. I still AM a mother. There have been examples, like having to care for a sick child while you are sick yourself, or having to deal with a tantruming child. But my understanding of the poll question is not "do you enjoy all the tasks related to mothering" but do you love _being_ a mother. And I do, absolutely, all the time.


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

I put all the time but I'm not sure how to explain myself though &#8230;

I love being a mother! I am also a lot more than a mom ... Perhaps because I am happy and fulfilled in life in general I can truly enjoy mothering "all the time".

That's not to say it isn't sometimes challenging but I can honestly say I love it, all of it. I even liked getting up through the night with them!

I remember an old Oprah episode on mothering/parenting. She polled her audience on whether or not they still would have children if they could go back and do it over (didn't mean they didn't love their children, just would have chosen a different path if they could do it over) &#8230; I think it was like 80% who said NO &#8230; I was shocked and saddened


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kcparker* 
What measures were they using? I suppose not having kids (and probably not having a spouse!) make one's life a lot simpler - you have autonomy, privacy, more spending money, you can eat what you want, when you want, you don't have to clean up somebody else's messes or poopy bottom, nobody smears bananas on your pants right before you go to work, you can be very self-focused and gratify your own needs without having to consider anybody else's. If that's happiness, then yeah, childless people are probably happier.

*But long-term, I obviously found that to be an impoverished measure for happiness, or a kind of happiness that one can get one's fill of. Going out for dinner has never made me so happy that I cried because my heart was so full of love for the food or the chef, sleeping in is nice and all, but looking at DS sleeping peacefully with his arm around his plush goose before I come to bed makes my heart swell more than waking up at 10 a.m. ever did, and the joy of watching him learn to draw, run, or help with making pancakes provides me with a deeper kind of happiness than if I did all of these activities solo*.

Very nice post! Sometimes just watching my kids makes my heart swell so much it hurts!


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

Love it mostly, but have my moments...

Honestly, now that I have two and we're out of the newborn stage, I think I have less bad moments than when I just had one kid. I think with just DD around, I was able to hold onto a lot of my own selfishness regarding putting my need for alone time over DD's need for interaction with me. With two kids now, I really don't get much of a break even when DH is hhome to help, but I think this has been good for me. Letting go of my expectation for lots of "me time" and my grumpiness if I didn't get that me time has _increased_ my happiness level.

Also, watching the way my children love each other so much already just makes my heart melt.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Lisa** 
The study that they were talking about was done a couple of years ago, I think. They had people wear beepers (both moms and non-moms). Every so often, the beeper would go off, and the person would have to answer a series of questions, including how happy they were right at that moment.

ummm...wow. If I had to deal with a beeper going off and having to answer a bunch of questions about how happy I was "right at that moment", in the middle of one of those dd1 wants to go outside _now_, but can't find her shoes, ds2 is mad at dd1 and is trying to hit her with a can of tomatoes, dd2's diaper just came off and she pooped all over herself, my hand and the change surface _and_ I've needed to pee for over an hour moments? I'd probably flush the beeper down a toilet. That doesn't mean I don't like being a mom - it just means there are moments when the multi-tasking aspect is a wee bit...much.

But, then, I wouldn't do that study, because I've sworn _never_ to wear a beeper.


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Most of the time, but I have my moments.

I've enjoyed it a lot more as DD got older and I got to know her as more of her own person. She is 6.5 now and we are expecting a #2 in March. Come to think of it, I like my mom a lot more as I've aged and gotten to know her a lot more. But we've almost always had a very good relationship (there were a few bad teen years around 13 or so).

There are definitely times when I wished I had left my DD at home and not tried to bring her something. Those are the times I don't enjoy it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *H & J's Mom* 
I remember an old Oprah episode on mothering/parenting. She polled her audience on whether or not they still would have children if they could go back and do it over (didn't mean they didn't love their children, just would have chosen a different path if they could do it over) &#8230; I think it was like 80% who said NO &#8230; I was shocked and saddened

That's _so_ sad. I can't even imagining feeling that way about my children or my life as a mother.

The more I think about the question, the more I'd say I always love the noun part of it (_being_ a mother), but don't _alway_ love the verb part of it (mothering). The action can be...less than enjoyable, on occasion.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.


This for me too.
I always knew I'd have a kid, but I never thought I'd intensly love and intensly hate being a mother....both at the same time sometimes.

For me, having a kid is like putting my heart in a frying pan and letting someone else control the burner knob.
Motherhood scares me the buggers out of me, but I wouldn't trade him for anything on earth....ok, maybe a few mins extra of sleep. LOL! I'm kidding.

Quote:

I said it depends on the day. I've got anxiety issues, and I'm okay when DS is okay, but some days I really just feel like shutting down. bleh.
...and this too. Being an intorvert AND a single mom with anxiety is really, really, really hard some days. Some days oblivion would be heaven...not just from the kiddo..from the world all together.

Gosh, that sounds more like I hate being a mom, but that's not true.
About 96% of the time I dont' want to be anywhere but with my babe.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Alyantavid* 
I love my kids. I have never regretted having them and I know my life wouldn't completely without them.

I don't love being a mom all the time. Sometimes I hate it. But those feelings have nothing to do with how I feel about them.

This, exactly.

Despite my screenname there are days when I do not love being a mom. Lately with a 4 year old who is fighting to be independent, a 3 year old who only speaks the language of whine and a 1 year old who screams constantly I've felt like motherhood is a storm I have to weather. Like batton down the hatches, hunker down and get through it.









I have never ever ever regretted having my kids and I know there will be better days ahead but I can't say I've enjoyed my kids as of late as much as I wish I did.


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That

The more I think about the question, the more I'd say I always love the noun part of it (_being_ a mother), but don't _alway_ love the verb part of it (mothering). The action can be...less than enjoyable, on occasion.

That is exactly how I feel!!

I LOVE being a mom - it's definitely a part of my identity and my life that I cherish. The demands, expectations & implications are often impossible, overwhelming & scary... but I love being a mom.


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

I used to tell my husband that my life would begin when I became a mother. I felt like all the time leading up to her conception and birth was just a waiting game... preparing for her entrance into my life.

I chose the one that says I have my moments. Usually at about 2 or 3 in the morning when she doesn't want to sleep. Or when she's fighting sleep really hard. But those moments are fleeting.

I wouldn't change a thing about being a mother. Having her gives my life purpose. I feel like I'm doing exactly what I was meant to do.


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Today? no.


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## 1stBabyAt39 (Dec 23, 2008)

I'm with majority. I also voted 'I love it most of the time, but I have my moments'.

My DD is 12 weeks old, and I can't imagine life without her now. It's incredible! But when she's on one of her crying jags, it does get tiring & frustrating. I don't regret my little "surprise" one bit! And oddly enough it has deepened my relationship with DH. I wasn't expecting that after all these years together.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

Most days, definitely. Some days, not so much. But with that being said I truly can't imagine my life without K in it.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I love it most of the time, but there are moments I don't enjoy it at all. I miss being carefree and being able to sleep in at time. I wouldn't trade my dd in for the ability to do the things I miss, but that doesn't mean I don't miss my space and freedom when I am faced with the less joyful parts of being a parent.


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## Eman'smom (Mar 19, 2002)

I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.

Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eman'smom* 
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone...

I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.

Quote:

So I would say that most times I am unhappy are the days/weeks/months without any outside support, feeling downtrodden and useless. Not my kids doing it to me, but the fact that the rest of the world wants me to tread water for hours with a smile on my face when they could send me a life vest and call it a day.
I think this is very well said. My kid is nearly grown now but the continualy fight against the isolation and the feeling of not quite living up to what I thought was the ideal really wore me down over time.


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## mama k nj (Dec 18, 2006)

I voted "depends on the day"... but most of the time it's "love it most of the time"

I have gone through phases where I hated it and wondered why I ever decided to take this on... when DS1 was a colicky baby, I was depressed, DH was depressed, horrible time in my life! I was definitely thinking I made a big mistake and we were much happier pre kids... the last month of my pregnancy when DS hit the 3's with vigor and spent his days screaming at me while I was too exhausted to do much of anything...

But there have been so many great moments of love and pride and joy! I see some of them everyday, some days more than others. Right now I am snuggling a beautiful newborn and just loving every minute of it. Seeing all the joy that DS1 brings to his grandparents and even complete strangers makes me so very happy. I just can't believe that someone I am raising brings so much happiness to the world around him.

I guess I feel like relationships are WORK. Relationships with spouses and children take an extra measure of self-sacrifice and effort. But there is a pay off. Life would be quite empty without them and I would miss out on a whole lot of joy if they weren't here.


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## lifeguard (May 12, 2008)

I absolutely LOVE being a mother. It completes me. It's the aspect of myself that was missing for so long.

That said, ds is currently having bedtime "issues" & I desperately miss my alone time at night (I'm a night owl).


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *limabean* 
I agree with what Storm Bride said about the problem with polls being that people answer from different angles. I don't think that not regretting having kids = loving being a mother all the time. At all. So yeah, I guess the results of this poll don't really mean anything if people are answering from such different perspectives.

I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times. There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that. But over all, looking back, I have been happy as a mom and am having a blast being a grandma. Just like I've been happy being married to dh, been happy with my life, and having my chosen career.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Eman'smom* 
I think it would be intresting to do this study on 60? year old women. Woman who are past child rearing years and have either had kids or hadn't and rate their happiness. Sure in the moment a nice dinner and glass of wine is a whole lot more enjoyable than trying to grocery shop with a newborn and 2 year old but 20 years later you have the payoff with the kids the dinner is long gone.

Like most people I have my days and moments but over all I wouldn't change it.

And that is my perspective. 3 of my kids are grown and 2 of them have kids of their own. I also have an 11 yo. I've also never considered whether or not I'm happy in the moment. It's only in looking back, that I can see that, over all, I have been happy in my choices.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

GoestoShow,









Thank you for sharing that. I am sure that there are women reading here who can relate to you but are not feeling confident to write it down.

I hope that your healing process takes a positive turn soon.

For me, I began intergrating parts of my old self only during the late toddler years. It took time and it was difficult. Hang in there, Mama.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
I've been thinking about this ever since I voted. The problem is that just like I love dh and being married, love my career, and love my life, there are things about each of them that bug me and drive me crazy at times.

I agree. I feel that way about everything. That's why I couldn't honestly say I always love being a mama. I don't _always_ love _anything_. I mean...I always love dh and my kids...but they still drive me crazy sometimes, and I _don't_ always love interacting with them, looking after them, etc. I don't think that's a problem, though.

Quote:

There is nothing wrong with that. I've never expected to be happy all the time. Life isn't like that.
Exactly. I feel the same way. But, that's exactly why I wouldn't answer the poll with the "I always love it" option (can't remember exactly how it's phrased).

I think, in some cases at least, this is more a matter of how we each interpret the question and the answer options.

And, can I just say that I loved that you said you're having a blast being a grandma. There's a distinct possibility that all my fertility issues are going to have a nice payoff for me...I may not have that long a gap between having a baby in the house and having a grandbaby around. I think I'd like that.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

I voted I love my kids but don't really enjoy being a mother. But I guess after reading all these posts I have to say that it's more or less that _tasks_ of mothering that I don't enjoy. I suppose I do love being a mother and my kids bring me joy _most_ of the time. But I guess I think I really wasn't cut out to be a SAHM. Although that is what I'm doing right now. And precisely why I"m stopping at 2 kids.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Always - every minute, every day. I often wish I could go back just to relive it again. They're growing up too fast and I'm getting so melancholic lately.


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## Serenyd (Jan 6, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by **Erin** 
i voted that i have my moments...
who doesn't?
and really, does *anyone* walk around blissfully loving what they are doing in life 100% of the time? like, without drugs or something?!


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## Carley (Aug 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.









Mama I am so sorry you're going through this. I had a similar experience - my first year - scratch that, 2 years - were the hardest, most painful, infuriating, dark and depressing years of my life. I was completely lost, alone & empty. I even loathed being around my daughter, especially after those months and months of "colic." When she reached for me I wanted to scream. Every night when my husband got home I left. I couldn't stand being home anymore.

Things did change for me. A LONG road of medication, therapy, couples therapy, LOTS of time to love and forgive myself, taking time for myself to persue things I want to do have all been really important for me. I even returned to school last year, but have since taken a break to enjoy being at home with my daughter - which is huge for me. My daughter is in preschool now and I have the luxury of my IL's & my mom who are close to spend time with her regularly. The time to myself has made a HUGE difference.

Clearly I'm pregnant again & I am terrified I'm going to have to experience it all over. I just don't think I'm a "baby" person. I not only not enjoy the infant stage, it is really taxing on me. I have a lot of support that I derived by necessity of those first couple of years with my daughter, so I hope things are at least more predictable.

I don't know - I'm sending you so much love right now mama. Most people will never "get" what you are going through - don't ever let that get to you. You have it completely different than anyone else raising their baby. Your circumstances are WAY harder, mindbogglingly so - don't judge yourself based on others. ANYTHING you do is a remarkable feat - a miracle. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... if you have any spirituality, lean on it as much as you can.

"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill


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## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

I enjoy it most of the time. There are times my kids annoy me and goodness knows my SN 2 year old is a handful and she's also emotionally exhausting because she's so medically unstable. But parenting them is so REWARDING!!! I wouldn't change a thing.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

I voted that I love it most of the time but I have my moments. It was close, I do feel like I could have voted that I love it all the time. Except that when ds (my first child) was born I did go through a pretty big adjustment period to both staying at home and being a mom and for a little while I thought, "I can't do this, I was not ready for this, this was a mistake."

Once I got a handle on being a mom, now I do enjoy it all the time. I don't always enjoy being a STAY AT HOME mom, though--although I would never change it. Sometimes the stress of being in the house all the time, not seeing other adults for days on end, doing the same housework day in and day out. THAT is what gets to me sometimes. Not being a mom.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

I love it, but sometimes need a break for a few hours. If I had money for a babysitter once a week, I'd be in parenting nirvana.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *meemee* 
i absolutely love, love, love being a mother. my dd is 7 now and i miss the child everyday as i see her grow up. however i do have moments when i need a break from her.

however i will say i am happier as a mom rather than not a mom. being a mom profoundly changed my life and changed me completely. i think i have a 'deeper' way of living. mothering brings out the best in me - rather than the worst. i have had a LOT of stress after being a mother - and it was my baby who kept me sane.

with all my identities - as an individual, student, dd, coparent.... i am more a mother than anything else.

nothing has brought me more joy than watching my little girl grow up.











After all the roles I've had in my life, when I became a Mom at the age of 30, I felt I was finally doing what I was meant to do. I don't think I'm the best mom, and there is so much I could do better, but I feel it is the best thing for me. I can't imagine life without my two daughters.


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## bandgeek (Sep 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?

It makes me wonder too. Obviously the people who have no desire to have kids are probably happy. But what about child-less people who really want them? And not everyone is on board with adopting. I know a few people who feel if it just wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be...they aren't going to go that route...but they still feel they have missed out. And how did they measure parents' happiness? Did they dock points because the parents were a bit resentful that they didn't get out as much as they wanted? Forget to add in points for all the wonderful things about parenting that people tend to take for granted?

I don't know. Most of the parents I know are thrilled with their children and their lives.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
Well, it's been going on 10 months. I don't believe there's much that can change anything or make it "better". Every single day I ask myself why on earth I once wanted this. I can't even remember. I really wouldn't recommend motherhood to anyone.









I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

I want to point out that, while it may seem like an eternity right now, 10 months is NOT a lot of time. I've been a mother for nearly 15 years, and things defiintely shift over time. One thing I can assure you is that many of the things you're currently bothered by are things that are likely to change as your baby grows.

You won't get much "non-breastfeeding guilt" once your baby is past the age where many moms wean. You'll get more sleep when he's bigger and ready to sleep for longer periods. You'll "regain your identity" when he's old enough to be involved in outside things (like preschool) or entertain himself while you do your thing. A whole lot of what you're dealing with are exclusively "baby" issues, and you may feel a whole lot differently about motherhood once your little guy is no longer a baby.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

I certainly have my moments where I'm tired, frustrated, impatient, even outright angry, but I voted that I absolutely love it all the time because even at my angriest and most "done," I've never wanted to not be their mother. I've never hit that wall where I just wanted to walk away and be done. DH has a couple times. Not because of anything the kids did, but because of money stresses and wondering where his life would be if we had waited longer to have kids. I don't hold that against him. But it's not me. I'm in, 100%, and while it can be really, really hard to be a parent sometimes, I can't ever regret those months of holding their lives inside me, birthing them, and the years of raising them.


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## lurve (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?

you know i was probably one of those "wistful" people before i had DD at age 35. but if i knew then what i know now...i might not have done it. today's age of raising kids is so isolating (at least where i am) and especially being a non-cio, extended breastfeeder, unschooler, blah, blah, blah. most of the time i find i am just lonely and i don't have much support.

i am never able to get away from my DD except on rare occasions and then only for an hour (i have left her probably five times in her almost three years). so i never get a break. i haven't slept more than two hours in three years. i am not sure what it is all for. yeah, there are some great moments and great hugs but i also had great moments pre-kids. i miss *me*.

sorry, just a very lonely, tired mama with no support


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## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

I love it most of the time, but I have my moments..

My kids are 6 and 3.

It seems like the hard moments are when my kids fight with each other.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thisbirdwillfly* 
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.

I have childless friends ranging in age from 20s to 70s, male and female. Not one regrets not having children, and all seem to be pretty happy.

There is nothing wrong with not having children, it's not for everyone. I admire those who have the self knowledge to realise that they don't want to have kids.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SoCaliMommy* 
It seems like the hard moments are when my kids fight with each other.

Yeah - that makes up a large percentage of my "moments", too. Ugh.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
There is nothing wrong with not having children, it's not for everyone. I admire those who have the self knowledge to realise that they don't want to have kids.

Likewise. I remember a guy I knew a little (boss's son) once talking to me a little bit about kids. He was about 30 at the time, and told me he didn't want kids, because he didn't want to give up being able to spend money on himself, and being able to take off at a moment's notice to go to a party or have a few drinks or whatever and that being able to do what he wanted, when he wanted to do it, was a big priority for him. Then, he said, "I guess that makes me pretty selfish". I replied, "no - selfish is when someone has the same priorities you have, and has kids _anyway_". He thanked me. I think someone had been riding his butt about it.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I agree. I feel that way about everything. That's why I couldn't honestly say I always love being a mama. I don't _always_ love _anything_. I mean...I always love dh and my kids...but they still drive me crazy sometimes, and I _don't_ always love interacting with them, looking after them, etc. I don't think that's a problem, though.

Exactly. I feel the same way. But, that's exactly why I wouldn't answer the poll with the "I always love it" option (can't remember exactly how it's phrased).

I think, in some cases at least, this is more a matter of how we each interpret the question and the answer options.

And, can I just say that I loved that you said you're having a blast being a grandma. There's a distinct possibility that all my fertility issues are going to have a nice payoff for me...I may not have that long a gap between having a baby in the house and having a grandbaby around. I think I'd like that.









I couldn't in all honesty vote I have my moments because even in the midst of those moments, I didn't regret being a mom. I never wished that I never had kids. Even in the midst of all the drama/stress of raising a bi polar child without a diagnosis or medications, I never thought "I wish Erica wasn't Erica." or "I wish that Erica was never born." I love being a mom. There are moments that I'm not IN love with being a mom.


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## AutumnAir (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.









Thank you for being brave enough to admit to this - what you describe is very close to my own feelings, certainly for the first year of DD's life.

Even now, while I *adore* DD I do think quite a bit about whether I would be better off/ happier if I'd never had her. Having her negatively impacted my life in just about every area; I suffered/suffer PTSD from birth rape, have sexual/marital issues because of this, was extremely ill for the first 4 months of DD's life and have still not recovered, am suffering from pretty severe sleep deprivation, gave up my job that I loved to SAH because I was so ill and DD so high needs, moved from a place where we had job/financial security and our own place to a different country with no friends around, a tiny horrible rented house and quite a bit less money with DH's job being less stable too. (We moved partly because of DD's future and partly because of my horrific experiences with the medical establishment where we were living.)

If I hadn't had DD I would have a good career, plenty of job prospects and opportunities to travel, a nice flat of my own, a great sex life, a happy marriage, a whole healthy body instead of one that's scarred and damaged (and seriously overweight from having no energy or time to exercise and no time to prep healthy food because of a very HN LO, plus eating/overeating is my 'reward' to myself for getting through the day







) But I wouldn't have DD. I love her, but she came at a *very* high price.

I voted "I love my kids but don't really enjoy mothering." though I'm not sure that really covers it. I can see maybe enjoying this a whole lot more in another few years when DD's not nursing round the clock with her horrific latch, when I get a few hours of straight sleep, and when I can get back to being me. But right now that seems very far off.


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## BellinghamCrunchie (Sep 7, 2005)

How do you become a mom who loves being a parent all the time? I want some of that magic potion!


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## earthgirl (Feb 6, 2006)

I picked love it most of the time. I haven't read all of the replies so maybe someone has already said this, but I think I would love it so much more if our culture was more supportive of mothers. Well, really, if our culture was more supportive of families in general.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BellinghamCrunchie* 
How do you become a mom who loves being a parent all the time? I want some of that magic potion!

I think it's just my perspective. I voted I love being a mom all the time. Sure, there are things that could have and perhaps should have gone better (like the birth experiences of both of my children), but that doesn't change the fact that I absolutely love being a mother.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I do now, but i didn't when my oldest was a baby. That was a very hard time for me.


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## sunshadow (May 17, 2009)

It's kind of funny because I have times when I honestly think how much I would love to go back to not having a child. I think about how nice it would be to have time to myself again. Then she will take a longer than usual nap or be at her friends house and I will be pacing up and down because I can function without her. I think mostly I enjoy being a mom, just not in our society. I don't think we get the support we need and that can lead to moments of questioning what we were thinking. Plus, we have no family close by so it's all us all the time and our daughter is very spirited and was a high needs baby with a dairy intolerance so my diet was restricted to boot. I actually am enjoying the "terrible" two's more than when she was a baby even though I miss her being a baby too!


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## mija y mijo (Dec 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthmama369* 
I certainly have my moments where I'm tired, frustrated, impatient, even outright angry, but I voted that I absolutely love it all the time because even at my angriest and most "done," I've never wanted to not be their mother. I've never hit that wall where I just wanted to walk away and be done. DH has a couple times. Not because of anything the kids did, but because of money stresses and wondering where his life would be if we had waited longer to have kids. I don't hold that against him. But it's not me. I'm in, 100%, and while it can be really, really hard to be a parent sometimes, I can't ever regret those months of holding their lives inside me, birthing them, and the years of raising them.

This is me. But I voted that I love it most the time, but have my moments. Those "moments" for me don't mean that I'm feeling like I don't want to be their mother anymore... it's more like I need a break and I need one NOW kind of thing.


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## samstress (Feb 21, 2008)

i answered like most, "i love it most of the time".

i gotta say, becoming a mom is one of the most fulfilling things i've done. i get so much joy from my little girl. it's so much more amazing than i ever imaginied it would be.

now i've gotta go find a tissue.


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I voted that I love it, but I should qualify this by saying that I am not claiming to be having a great time every moment, not at all. But I do feel a very powerful and spiritual (for lack of a better word) sense of rightness being a mother.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
I am REALLY really wondering about the content of that study, and how they defined "happiness." I have a couple of childless friends (not by choice, childless by "not yet meeting Mr. Right") and their lives just seem to empty compared to mine. I see this wistful longing on their faces when they see me with my kids. Sure, they get to do all kinds of "entertainment" that I can't afford, but is that really happiness?

I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

I enjoy it the majority of the time. I like being a SAHM, like being a mom, feel it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But...I think how my marriage would be if we didn't have children and I do feel a little regret. Not regretful that we had them, just regretful for the couple we used to be when we didn't have the worries and stresses of parenting two littles. And we started late--we're both 40--so in 20 years when the big payoff comes, we may be too old to enjoy it!

Finding couple time has been really hard. I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.


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## H & J's Mom (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system.

Sooo true for us.

It is really wonderful to have 2 sets of grandparents and a sister that are as madly in love with my children as I am. It makes time out with DH, friends, or even just grocery shopping solo possible and enjoyable. It is very hard for me to leave my children at all, if I didn't have our family, I don't know what I'd do.

If it's even possible, my father may actually be more in love with my LO's than I am


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sewchris2642* 
I couldn't in all honesty vote I have my moments because even in the midst of those moments, I didn't regret being a mom. I never wished that I never had kids. Even in the midst of all the drama/stress of raising a bi polar child without a diagnosis or medications, I never thought "I wish Erica wasn't Erica." or "I wish that Erica was never born."

And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.

Quote:

I love being a mom. There are moments that I'm not IN love with being a mom.
I love being a mom, too. I don't love _any_ activity/occupation I've ever engaged in 100% of the time. I just don't. Mothering is no different.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NYCVeg* 
I know many childless women, ages 30-65, and I can't think of one of them who regrets it. I've certainly never seen any wistfulness. All have rich lives, fulfilling and challenging careers, great networks of friends of family. Having a child isn't the only way to find happiness or fulfillment.

Are they childless by choice, though? That makes a big difference. I have a close friend who always planned to have kids, but she finally ended up marrying an older man, who has grown kids. She's 40+, and he's about 50 and they're not going to have kids. She doesn't feel as though her life is over or anything - but I know she wishes she'd had kids. I've also got several friends/family friends (from early 40s to mid-to-late 60s) who are childless by choice and are very happy with that choice.


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## MaryTheres (Mar 21, 2007)

I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother.







My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job. But I love it and never expected to love it so much! Now I have a really hard time understanding how people do not love it ...


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *newbymom05* 
I'm wondering if most of the "love it all the time" people have a great support system. We don't, so it's DH or I on call 24/7.

We don't have much of a support system. My husband's family live in other towns and we wouldn't trust any of them with our children. My parents live in another town and are busy with their careers, but they do make time once or twice a month to come to our house for social visits. The rest of my family live far away in Wisconsin and Oregon.







We don't have babysitters or friends we'd trust with our children, either. I'm their primary caretaker and my husband earns the money.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryTheres* 
I was and, at times, continue to be positively shocked by how much I enjoy being a mother.








My main problem is sometimes I do not feel like I am doing a good enough job.
But I love it and never expected to love it so much!


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## francie024 (Oct 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunshadow* 
It's kind of funny because I have times when I honestly think how much I would love to go back to not having a child. I think about how nice it would be to have time to myself again. Then she will take a longer than usual nap or be at her friends house and I will be pacing up and down because I can function without her. I think mostly I enjoy being a mom, just not in our society. I don't think we get the support we need and that can lead to moments of questioning what we were thinking. Plus, we have no family close by so it's all us all the time and our daughter is very spirited and was a high needs baby with a dairy intolerance so my diet was restricted to boot. I actually am enjoying the "terrible" two's more than when she was a baby even though I miss her being a baby too!

I agree about what you say about society. I find that western society is so backwards compared to the rest of the world. The nuclear family norm in our society is the reason why so many parents are so stressed out. Homes are expected to function as independent units instead of living in tribes or villages. Before becoming a mom, I always thought the phrase "it takes a village" was corny. Now that I am a mom, I really do believe it to be true and feel that western society has it all wrong.

I also can't stand that my role as a SAHM is totally devalued and people tell me that I should put my daughter in preschool already when she is not even 2 yet! She's only 18 months old and in my eyes she is too young to be away from me too often. As she gets older, I have found myself wanting to be more social and do look forward to earning a paycheck, but right now, I feel I am doing what is best for my family.

I actually got asked by one man if all I did was sit around and watch TV all day! It's 4pm and this is the first break I got all day. Most days I am on my feet for the majority of the time. I could go on, but I won't. OK back to work...rant over.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:

And, again, it's a matter of how we interpret the question and the answers. I've never regretted having kids. I've never wished I never had kids. I've never thought "I wish ds2 were never born". I still have my moments where I don't love mothering. Regretting having kids or wishing my children were never born doesn't come into it.
Thank you for saying that.

I'm not sure why people are reading the sentence, "...I have my moments" as "I regret having this child and wish they were never born."


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## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

I have my moments, for sure. Having a special needs baby is so challenging sometimes...I can't even describe it for people with "typical" children. You just can't understand. Things are better now, but when she was first born and we learned about her issues, the constant doctor/hospital visits, the surgeries, the stress...god, I wanted to turn back the clock so bad!

We have come a long way since then, and I love my daughter beyond words and I'm so proud to be her mama, but sometimes I need a break! Those are the times when I merely _like_ being a mother.


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## SpiderMum (Sep 13, 2008)

It depends on the day...it can be really hard, but I think ultimately I'll look back on my life and be glad that I was a mother above all else.


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## momasana (Aug 24, 2007)

I love being a mama. I do have my "moments" but even when I have bad days I love it more than anything else.


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## HappilyEvrAfter (Apr 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoestoShow* 
I wouldn't do it again if I could do it over. The birth of my son completely turned my identity upside down, inside out, and then tore it apart ---- along with my body. I've had so many complications. I've seen doctors, physical therapists, chiropractors, mental health therapists, and so on. I'm tired all the time. I don't ever have five minutes to recharge, and I'm running on fumes. Being a mother for me has been a miserable experience. I can't say there's one single thing about it that I full-heartedly enjoy.

If I had known about what happened to me during his birth, that we'd fail at breastfeeding and I'd be ostracized and criticized for this failure by others, that he'd have extreme colic for nearly 10 weeks, and that there'd nothing at all of myself from my pre-motherhood days ahead of time, I really truly wouldn't have gone through with it.

Will this change someday? Who knows? In order for that to happen, the physical pain would need to end, my body would need to freaking recover, and, honestly, something would have to happen to show me exactly why this has been worth it.


















I might have missed it, but I don't see if you said how old your kiddo was.

Man, a couple of years ago I could have AND would have written your post.
My son was an awful sleeper until he was 2.5. 2.5!!! NEVER, ever slept through the night...I require at least 9 hrs of sleep to feel just below normal. Lol.
When I was on maternity leave he only slept for two hours straight at any given time. Plus, I had some major complications that left me anemic for a very long time. Those complications kept me from breastfeeding and, I too, felt failure. ::sad::
He was just not a happy baby. I had seriously thought I brought a soul into this world that just didn't want to be here.
I craved time alone, didn't want to do any of the mother things, there were times I could care less that every milestone was a miracle. I had a hard time admitting that being a mother was not what I envisioned.

Then when my ex tried to take him away from me something fierce woke up and I had a major paradigm shift, but if that hadn't happened I'm not sure where me and the kiddo would stand.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I fell yer pain and that I hope it changes for you.
Looking back, I think I would have missed out on some real miracles had my mindset not changed.

I wish you peace on your journey with your kiddo and that you guys find the groove that works for you both.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

I think it's really hard to generalize.

I said I love it, but I have my moments, which is true now. If I'd voted in this poll when my babe was just a few months old, and I wasn't sleeping, and he wasn't sleeping, and nursing hurt...well, my answer would probably have been different!


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## rockycrop (Jul 31, 2007)

I love it and I strongly dislike it all at the same time.
My DD is 27 months and I'm just feeling a need to escape. I don't want to play blocks, draw with chalk, pick and wipe up crap off the floor, convince and explain all the time. I need breaks...I'm thinking of putting her in daycare a couple days a week.
When she was a baby, it was hard, but it was all kind of new and exciting as well. I was into all the new mommy things: "I'm breastfeeding, I'm co-sleeping, I'm babywearing, I'm cloth-diapering, WEEEEEEEEE, look at me!". I'm just not into it anymore, I don't want to be 24/7 mommy, I want to be just me sometimes. I'm sure as she gets older it will be easier to do both....but then I will have another little one eventually. I'm kind of freaked out to have another baby honestly, but I really really want DD to have a sibling, and I think they will eventually be able to play together and that would help everyone.
To summarize: I love her, I think she's awesome and hilarious, I just need free time.


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## SeekingSerenity (Aug 6, 2006)

I have not read all the replies (there's a bunch!!) but I voted with the majority... that I love it most of the time but I have my moments. Who among us can TRULY say they don't?

For me, it's a matter of perspective. Due to many factors, some of them my fault and some of them not, I lost custody of my three oldest children when they were 6, 4, and 2. I have not seen my Mickie-Lamb since she was in diapers and she's about to turn 11.







After I realized they were completely out of my reach (when x-dh moved them halfway across the country) I thought my life was completely without meaning. I fell into a less-than-healthy relationship and though part of me knew that, the majority of me didn't care. I just wanted my children. I had the experience of having children, feeling somewhat overwhelmed by motherhood, and then NOT having the children. It made me realize that I wanted my kids more than anything. This man told me he couldn't have any kids so that just made it worse.

(Obviously he was wrong.)

Now we have three together and I'd do anything to keep my children with me. That's not to say I don't have days where I realllllllly need some "ME" time, which I almost never get, but being a mom is who and what I am. I would not willingly go back to my pre-kid days (which was so long ago and so short-lived that I barely recall what being a childless adult was like). Sometimes it's hard for me to believe I'm done having kids now and just need to concentrate on raising the ones I've got. I'd love so much to be with all my kids, though honestly I don't know how I'd cope with six children under one roof.

I don't regret a single one of my children. They are my reason for being.


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## Chloe'sMama (Oct 14, 2008)

I love it all the time, but sometimes, I don't like it......
Challanges come every single day and I only have 1 and she is only 15 months old. I want to have more children and wonder how it all plays out and how in the world I will have enough energy.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

This is a wonderful discussion and I'm really enjoying reading all the responses.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thisbirdwillfly* 
I'm not sure the poll numbers would be so different. I know a lot empty nesters who are very disappointed with the amount of time their children want to spend with them, how little input they have with their grandchildren and so on. The older people I know who did not have children tend to have more money and are a lot better at entertaining themselves on holidays and so on.

I think about that even here sometimes. Yes, it's wonderful to be in the all consuming years with your partner and children but for most of us that means that the people outside of our little bubble, including our parents, are getting a lot less attention. *We'll be the ones on the outside looking in. I think I'm fairly well prepared for it but I'm sure it's got to hurt a bit from time to time.*

I think this is very well said. My kid is nearly grown now but the continualy fight against the isolation and the feeling of not quite living up to what I thought was the ideal really wore me down over time.

I think about this a lot these days. My daughter is 14, a freshman in high school and I've been imagining how I'm going to respond when she leaves home, possibly in _only 4 years!_ It just boggles my mind.

I've been contemplating my relationship with my mom lately, too, contemplating what I can do differently with my daughter so that I'm still friendly with her when she's an adult. Same with my son. Some of how I parent my kids now is with an eye on how I hope they will relate to me when they're adults.

And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

Quote:

And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.
Same here. Somedays it is enough and I truly believe it. Other days are hard. My son is in his Senior year and so this our year of lasts. As much as I know I'm going to miss him, I wonder if next year will be easier? He'll be having this whole year of fantastic "firsts" at college and I cannot wait for him to experience it.

At the same time, I find myself with a lump in my thoat and tears in my eyes more often that I expected I would. Sometimes my heart and arms ache with an intensity unmatched since before he was born.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Thisbirdwillfly* 
Same here. Somedays it is enough and I truly believe it. Other days are hard. My son is in his Senior year and so this our year of lasts. As much as I know I'm going to miss him, I wonder if next year will be easier? He'll be having this whole year of fantastic "firsts" at college and I cannot wait for him to experience it.

At the same time, I find myself with a lump in my thoat and tears in my eyes more often that I expected I would. Sometimes my heart and arms ache with an intensity unmatched since before he was born.










DS1 is in 11th grade - I think that's a junior in the US system? - and I'm finding some of that creeping up on me, too. I think it would be even stronger if I didn't have the other three...


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## KarlaC (Mar 20, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jeteaa* 
I love my kids. I find motherhood so absolutely, unimaginably, wonderful and hell on earth. I find being 100% responsible for another life to be soul/life draining but at the same time to be soul/life rewarding. I would never give it up. But I wish I could have the love w/o the worry, guilt, anxiety.









: perfectly said.


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## applecider (Jul 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rockycrop* 
I love it and I strongly dislike it all at the same time.
My DD is 27 months and I'm just feeling a need to escape. I don't want to play blocks, draw with chalk, pick and wipe up crap off the floor, convince and explain all the time. I need breaks...I'm thinking of putting her in daycare a couple days a week.
When she was a baby, it was hard, but it was all kind of new and exciting as well. I was into all the new mommy things: "I'm breastfeeding, I'm co-sleeping, I'm babywearing, I'm cloth-diapering, WEEEEEEEEE, look at me!". I'm just not into it anymore, I don't want to be 24/7 mommy, I want to be just me sometimes. I'm sure as she gets older it will be easier to do both....but then I will have another little one eventually. I'm kind of freaked out to have another baby honestly, but I really really want DD to have a sibling, and I think they will eventually be able to play together and that would help everyone.
To summarize: I love her, I think she's awesome and hilarious, I just need free time.

This, totally. I've been thinking about this thread lately and trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I don't enjoy mothering all the time. And I guess your post really sums it up for me! Sometimes I just want to be me, maybe be selfish. I am SUCH a better mother when I have time to myself. My kids don't annoy me as much, I have much better patience and then I DO enjoy mothering. But I just can't really say I enjoy it ALL the time.


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## buttercups.nest (Jul 2, 2009)

I found it difficult in the beginning....I didn't really know many other moms and to be honest, didn't know what I was doing in general :s There were a few days where I was ready to lose it but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Today, my little monkey is 2 and I love her more and more every day. And seeing how much I've grown in the last 2 years is amazing and I am so excited to meet my new little one.

There are still some frustrating times that I want to pull my hair out, but I really think that's 'par for the course' and that will happen with anything you do in life. I have always wanted to be a mother and am incredibly happy....I wouldn't change it for anything! I have made wonderful friends and found some hobbies that I enjoy that allow me to show creativity etc....I find ways to challenge myself and better myself as a wife and mother. I think that is important.


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## sewchris2642 (Feb 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *journeymom* 
This is a wonderful discussion and I'm really enjoying reading all the responses.

I think about this a lot these days. My daughter is 14, a freshman in high school and I've been imagining how I'm going to respond when she leaves home, possibly in _only 4 years!_ It just boggles my mind.

I've been contemplating my relationship with my mom lately, too, contemplating what I can do differently with my daughter so that I'm still friendly with her when she's an adult. Same with my son. Some of how I parent my kids now is with an eye on how I hope they will relate to me when they're adults.

And I'm trying to bear in mind that my children are supposed to move out and create their own lives, and it's, in fact, a sign I've done a good job as a mom. It's normal, anyway, so I'm trying to get used to the idea.

I don't know if has a bearing on my vote or not but even when I was pregnant with Joy, I knew that my goal as a mom was to help her become an adult and stand on her own. I've always had that long term goal in mind even in the midst of sleepless night, mastitis, clogged milk ducts, Erica's melt downs, being pregnant at age 45, etc.


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## Thisbirdwillfly (May 10, 2009)

That has been my goal as well. But I do think the fact that my first child to leave is also my last child is tough. There is no easing into it. Also, I've been surprised at the intensity of my feelings, now that this long wished for goal is nearly upon us.

It's just another step in mothering that has been more intense and complex than I anticipated.


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