# Younger Mommas Thread?



## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Certainly all due respect goes out to all Mamas of every kind, but I think that there are certain challenges and stigmas that younger moms face (say, under 25 or so..) and I was just wondering if any other young mommas out there wanted to start a tribe


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

Oh me, me, me!
I'm a young mama, I'm 20.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Oh, great! Well, hi







My name is Carolyn, I have a beautiful DD born 01/09/08and I am 20 as well, nice to meet you!


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

I'm in! My name is Gina and I'm 20. I have a DD born 12/9/07 & a surprise due 4/19/09.


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## michelleklu (Aug 3, 2008)

I'd like to join in! My daughter was born on May 6th 2008 and I'm 20. Just curious, where is everyone from?

I grew up in the San Francisco bay area but after marrying my husband who's in the military, we've been everywhere. Currently, we're in South Korea.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

I'm pretty sure there used to be a really young mamas tribe, but I can't find it right now.

Anyway, I'm a 21 year old mama to an almost two year old daughter. We live in IL.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Well, I'm from Southern New Hampshire. Crunchygina, our girls are exactly one month apart! Coming up fast on that one-year mark, huh?







:


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

I'm from SW OH.

I can't believe my little girl is going to be 1 soon! Less than 2 weeks!


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

I know it says it under my user name but I'll say it anyways[incase someone didn't see?], I'm from Las Vegas.
Its nice there are young mama's on here!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i am 21. ds was born 2/08/08 .. we are in fairfax. va!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I agree, It's awesome to see so many young moms on here. It seems sometimes like every other mom out there is in her late 20s, 30s or 40s. It's so overwhelming at times because although we have the common bond of motherhood, I feel like there is this constant ... gap between us, I don't know if that is there due to the age and 'life experience' difference or if it's my imagination or what! Anyone else feel the same way?


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I agree, It's awesome to see so many young moms on here. It seems sometimes like every other mom out there is in her late 20s, 30s or 40s. It's so overwhelming at times because although we have the common bond of motherhood, I feel like there is this constant ... gap between us, I don't know if that is there due to the age and 'life experience' difference or if it's my imagination or what! Anyone else feel the same way?









one of the biggest things i notice is that people automatically assume it was an accident (mine was but they don't know that) that you are single (i am not married but i am with DSs daddy) and that you will not be having children anytime soon...

oo and that you have no idea what you are doing.. or what to expect.. i love the 'oh you'll see' see what you ding dong my kids older then yours.


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

I agree with that. I was in a SAHM group in my area and felt so out of place b/c I was the youngest by almost 10 years. It didn't matter that I was married with planned both babies. I feel as though I usually have more in common with older moms than with moms my age (atleast the ones I know personally), the older moms just don't really want to get to know me.


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## crazyeight (Mar 29, 2006)

.


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

I'm a young mama. I'm 23 and just had my first. I can relate to feeling out of place with older moms. It's unexplanable, 'cause I never felt out of place when with older friends... and my boyfriend is 10 years older than me lol.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i also feel sort of out of place with people my age now. i am at a different place in my life and have different values... something about that mommy thing really changes you. they don't get the way i parent or why... and they think they are experts.. i think thats pretty normal.. everyone always thinks they are an expert until you actually have to do it.

it doesn't help that a lot of the moms i know that are my age absolutely should not be moms. they give all young moms a bad name.. and the ones i know that are older then me are really mainstream.. we have very different values.

ChrunchyGina i noticed you are a SAHM.. so am i ... is anyone else?


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

I'm going to be 23 next week. My first baby is due sometime near Christmas!







:

I have a lot of friends who are also (or were) young mamas. Though I think my family thinks I'm weird for starting my family now.

I also look much younger than I am. I could easily pass for a high school student. A little while ago a lady at Wal-Mart gave me a really dirty look. I guess she thought I was a teen mom or something (probably doesn't help that my wedding rings won't fit on my swollen fingers).









ETA: Not that I think teen moms deserve dirty looks! She was being snotty regardless of my age and marital status.

ETA: I wish I had started my family sooner.


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Hi ladies, just sneaking in here for support. I'm not really a young momma anymore (shhhhh), but I was and know how hard it can be (and, of course, how great it can be) and know all about the comments, struggles and successes.


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

1littlebit I definately relate to people thinking you are unmarried and the baby was an accident. I am married and my daughter was planned!

I dont seem to fit in with my younger friends anymore and I feel really weird at play dates with the older moms. I do have one mom that I get along with she is older, I think 28-ish, she has tattoos and stuff and her husband is a Dj so thats cool.

I'm a SAHM. I think its hard for people to accept the idea that I'm young, married, have a house, and we make it work so I can stay home. Now as hard as it is for people to understand all that its even harder for people to get eating healthy, AP parenting, and things like knitting and sewing, that just blows their mind


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

I'm also a SAHM.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I'm so excited to have other moms my age who have similar parenting values. I feel the same way as a lot of the other posters. My story is that I was 18 when I got pregnant, and actually graduated highschool 3 months pregnant, nobody knew though, because I hid it until after graduation. It would've been quite the scandal as I was an honor student and all that jazz,







I was with the love of my life (and we are still together). Our child wasn't planned, per se, but wasn't exactly accidental. Looking back now, that wasn't the _smartest_ decision, but I wouldn't take it back for the world. I had Raelyn a couple weeks before I turned 19. We breastfeed, co-sleep, delayed/selectively vax, eat healthy and have our own home. We are engaged but are waiting to get married, as I am in school right now to get a nursing degree. I go to school part time, but other than that I am pretty much a full time SAHM. I have been to some parenting groups, and while I enjoy that we usually have our parenting values in place, I feel out of place, as one mom said, being about 10 years younger than everyone else. I do have a couple of older mom friends, but most of them don't want to waste their time talking to such a youngin', because clearly I have nothing to offer that could possibly be of value to them. I do have a few non-parent friends my age, but I have a hard time connecting with most people in this age group because our lives are so vastly different, when they come to school exausted from being up all night partying, I was up all night with my teething baby. I do actually have a couple of parent friends my age, but our parenting styles are so incredibly different that I get upset sometimes just hearing them talk about it, i.e. CIO, elective bottlefeeding, etc. I find I don't notice many nasty looks, that's not to say there aren't looks, I just choose not to notice them. It doesn't help that I look about 15, no lie, and DH is 8 1/2 years older than me, so we've been asked if we were BOTH his daughters before! Hah! Typically when other people care enough to talk to me though, I can show them through my actions and words that I am a mature adult and a good, loving parent, and I can finally get a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T! But I try not to let other people get to me, I know that I'm doing the best for my child and my family and they can love it or hate it,









Basically what I'm getting at is again, how incredible it is to FINALLY meet some mom's with similar ages and parenting values. How awesome!







:


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i love talking to mamas who have similar parenting philosophies. we don't bf much. b/c i was stupid and weaned to go back on my medicine.. i really thought i needed it.. (adhd) i relactated but its starting to really take a toll on me. not EBF is the only regret i have with DS..







i hate that he gets formula.. you learn better you do better and the next one will be ebf... lol.. who knew i wouldn't need my medicine... who knew there is not a medication in the world that would enable me to be a mom and a student.. lol.

i love being a sahm though... and seriously... people cannot believe i sah... they are always like don't you go to work or school? what about school? some people can do both.. i can't ... yk? and honestly i wouldn't want to. i have my whole life to go to school.. and i am fortunate enough that DP has a good stable job that allows me to Sah!

all the crazy AP/NFL things i do .. my whole family chalks up to me being young







l lol


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Yay! Another Young Mama tribe!!







:

I'm Maggie and I am 23 with 3 kiddos ages 5, 2, and 1. I work at home as a medical transcriptionist and struggle with keeping a clean and organized home







.

Does anyone else hate that everything you trip up on is due to age? Like my house isn't always the cleanest and is far from organized and that all is because I am just so young


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## crybaby (Dec 1, 2008)

I'm 24 and I have a 2 year old girl and I am pregnant again...


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## doratheexplorer (Apr 15, 2008)

Hi I'm 23 with 3yr old ds and due another in march. I'm a SAHM too. I have some parent friends who are older than me bout 10yrs older! I do get on well with them but none of them are into bfing or co-sleeping etc. I kinda get the feeling when I say I do such-and-such with ds or I have a certain view on something people just look at you like you are so young and naiive that will never work out in reality.







:
I rarely see my old pre-baby friends just cos most of them are in college and out most nights etc I don't feel like I've much in common with them.
I love being a young mom though I think you have more energy for your kids and can relate to them better, although my energy is running out ds is sooo active and I'm starting to feel the tiredness with this pregnancy.
Crybaby when are you due?


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

I thought I had responded to this thread. I'm 24 and my children are 8, 5, 3, and 1.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Hey guys!! I am Rachel and I am 23, my DS is 7.5 months old and #2 is due in June. I get some prejudice but one the best things about being a SAHM married to a guy in the Army is that young mamas seem to be MUCH more common then in the general population. I guess we tend to get married younger too just because it makes a military relationship a ton easier? Who knows.. I don't agree with many young mom's parenting philosophies that I meet so I am glad to see a tribe for us!!


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi mamas! I'm 23 (24 in a couple of weeks) and I have an almost 5 year old dd, a 2 year old dd and am expecting again this summer!
















I have been studying to be a midwife since dd1 was a baby and I only have 12 weeks left. This will be so amazing for my family and I, having a good, steady income and settling into life a little bit. It has been a struggle, but a beautiful one. I wouldn't change it for the world, and I am proud that our dds have seen us create an amazing life from nothing, they inspired us to do great things! I think there's a little bit of magic in that (as opposed to having your kids after you and dp/h have finished school, bought a house, etc. etc).

Nice to meet you all!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

mags i hear you on the house thing. actually everything that isn't quite up to snuff is because i am so young. oo and the AP stuff is b/c i am young and can do it.. apparently ap is to hard for older parents...







anddd AP is b/c i am young and am trying to prove i am a good mother. um really? could it just be that i am doing what i believe is best for my son and that just happens to mean i am a good mother... nope apparently i am only doing this to prove i am a good mother.







figure that one out.

congratulations on being almost done bliss! i would love to be a midwife one day but working out my life with my adhd is all i can handle right now. i wish i could apprentice.. that i could handle.. but all the book work is to much for me.

do you guys have mom friends your age irl?


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
mags i hear you on the house thing. actually everything that isn't quite up to snuff is because i am so young. oo and the AP stuff is b/c i am young and can do it.. apparently ap is to hard for older parents...







anddd AP is b/c i am young and am trying to prove i am a good mother. um really? could it just be that i am doing what i believe is best for my son and that just happens to mean i am a good mother... nope apparently i am only doing this to prove i am a good mother.







figure that one out.

congratulations on being almost done bliss! i would love to be a midwife one day but working out my life with my adhd is all i can handle right now. i wish i could apprentice.. that i could handle.. but all the book work is to much for me.

do you guys have mom friends your age irl?

I despise when people think AP is like the "lazy" choice or something... I get rolled eyes and "you'll see, it will come back to haunt you" sort of comments. Honestly, it takes a heck of a lot more effort to speak with my children, explain things and try and feel where they're at than it would for me to hit them into submission and not let them speak their minds. Grrr....

Becoming a midwife is really overwhelming, I can't even believe that I have (almost!) survived. It's like you said, the "book work" is CRAZY! I am studying for an exam right now (9 am tomorrow... wish me luck)! There have been moments of total breakdown and hysterical crying, but so so so much joy and rewarding relationships. It's so amazing to find a life path so fulfilling. I'm so grateful! Perhaps you'll be able to do it slowly, step by step, one day. Have you considered doula-ing?

My very best friend in the universe is also a young mama, she's 22 and has a 19-month old dd. She is a wonderful mama and a good friend to have in this journey.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

ahh good luck on your test!!!!

i have considering doulaing i would love to do that! lol


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

I have one mom friend my age irl. She's been a mom longer than I have. She got pregnant with her first when we were about 19. Five weeks after I found out I was pregnant she discovered she was as well. You would think we would have spent a lot of time together being pregnant at the same time, but we drifted apart during our pregnancies. I educated myself a lot on pregnancy and birth, and started to realize I knew more than she did. She's a very closed minded person and always thinks she's right so it was very hard to share new ideas or information with her, I just gave up.

She really dissappointed me when I was 30 weeks along. At that point I decided to switch from my OB to a midwife, which also meant I had to change hospitals. We were both going to the same hospital at first. She basically told me I was an idiot for doing it and that I shouldn't have left the great doctors at our hospital because anything could go wrong. Also that I didn't know how much childbirth hurt and I probably couldn't do it without an epi (she's had two c-sections, the second, scheduled).

So I went on to have my wonderful natural birth attended by a midwife which was a big "up yours" to her. We've hung out a few times since our babies have both arrived but we're just not close anymore. Our parenting styles are very different, and like I said before it's close to impossible to share any different views or information with her without being looked at like you're crazy. It's a shame.


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## bmcneal (Nov 12, 2006)

I am 22 years old. I have a DD who will be 3 on the 22nd, and am due with #2 on the 28th of this month.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
i also feel sort of out of place with people my age now. i am at a different place in my life and have different values... something about that mommy thing really changes you. they don't get the way i parent or why... and they think they are experts.. i think thats pretty normal.. everyone always thinks they are an expert until you actually have to do it.

it doesn't help that a lot of the moms i know that are my age absolutely should not be moms. they give all young moms a bad name.. and the ones i know that are older then me are really mainstream.. we have very different values.

ChrunchyGina i noticed you are a SAHM.. so am i ... is anyone else?









: I hated my mom saying things like "why did you ruin your life?" "how are you going to take care of a baby?" etc.







Um, we were/are married, and we *planned* DD. I never have and never *will* think I "ruined" my life.When my mom found out (We were going to tell her later *later* in the pregnancy, but one of our friends who works at the bank said something to my dad...) we *again* got the "how are you going to take care of a baby?" "what about DD?" "why are you ruining your life?"







Like DH and I couldn't *possibly* want kids while we are young, and DD and this LO *must* be mistakes.

I totally understand about people thinking being young must equal being dumb.







I think it's because there *are* so many young people that bring babies into the world that don't have any idea what they are doing that give us mamas who have our heads on straight and *know* what we're doing/how to be good mamas a bad name.


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## thefarmerswife (Jul 12, 2008)

Yeah  I am a 22 year old SAHM with a 14month old and baby #2 due December 30th!! It is so wonderful to know that I am not alone, and that I am not the only one who gets the weird looks. My husband an I planned both of our children and people think we are crazy.







:


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

I am a SAHM!! We admittedly didn't plan DS but we definitely planned this baby!! My mother has finally realized I am happy and that I haven't ruined my life.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Wow! So many new babies on the way! Congratulations everyone... I must admit, I am a touch jealous, although I'd like to wait a few more years before our next one. I feel guilty enough going to school part time with one baby!

Just out of curiosity, did any of you get pregnant while breastfeeding (and still not having a cycle) and if so, what were your symptoms? I can't tell you how many tests I've taken since DD was born, I just get so paranoid! lol


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
Wow! So many new babies on the way! Congratulations everyone... I must admit, I am a touch jealous, although I'd like to wait a few more years before our next one. I feel guilty enough going to school part time with one baby!

Just out of curiosity, did any of you get pregnant while breastfeeding (and still not having a cycle) and if so, what were your symptoms? I can't tell you how many tests I've taken since DD was born, I just get so paranoid! lol

I got pregnant while breast feeding but I had one regular cycle, or something that seemed cycle-ish you know?


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## nicoolmama (Oct 30, 2008)

Hi younger mamas!
I am a 24 yr. old mama to 3- 4 1/2 yrs.(I was YOUNG!), 8 months and due late July. I am also a stepmama- 7 yrs, 3 yrs.
It IS nice that this tribe exists...I feel all of you on being in my earlier 20's, having a plethora of kids and never feeling included anywhere, bc all the other mamas are older.
Can't wait to talk to you all more.


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## nicoolmama (Oct 30, 2008)

I tried and tried to get pregnant while bfing, but to no avail. We wanted our last babies close. Then my son starting self-weaning himself and Voila! pregnant! I was still nursing 4-6 times a day though when I got pregnant. Now, he has almost completely weaned himself, which makes me sad, but I can't force him to bf( trust me, I have TRIED). My lc says the taste of your milk changes and many babies will self-wean themselves. Some don't mind though. Unfortunately, he did.







I miss bfing- BUT will be doing it again soon enough. He does still latch on once a night when it's quiet, and he wants cuddling and nursing to soothe and put him to sleep. I cherish those 20 mins....


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

I got pregnant while BFing! We were TTC before that but gave up. Wouldn't you know we got pregnant the next month! I was EBF DD too, but I got regular periods 4 months PP. She's totally weaned since my milk has turned to colostrum. She totally doesn't dig it, but hopefully she starts back after the baby comes. I'd love to tandem nurse.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanks for the replies ladies!

I just thought of something earlier while I was watching one of those birthing shows on tv (brings back memories!) ... What were your labors like?

The reason I ask is because I had an (incredibly) easy labor and everyone always says, Oh, it's because you're so young, and I was wondering if maybe this is something that runs in my family, or if this is a myth created by older mamas (haha, just kidding) or if there is some fact hidden in there.

My labor: water broke at 3 am, contractions started around 4 am, very intense. Got to hospital around 4:30, they checked me, I was fully dialated and her head was showing, and she was born at 6:42 am, less than 4 hours from start to finish. It was a few weeks before my 19th birthday. My sister was just over 17 when she had her first, and it was an hour and a half between her water breaking and her baby in her arms.

So yeah... what do you guys think?

Edit: Raelyn was 8 lbs. 6 1/2 oz., 19 1/2 inches long, and I had her completely naturally and I used hypnobirth.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

I was induced with DS becuse DH got a 10 day emergency pass to come home from Basic training for his birth and he needed to be evicted







I ended up with a c/s because DS had a GIANT head and yeah... wasn't happening despite my best efforts!! Am hoping for a VBAC this time around though and the midwife I am seeing says that being younger ups my chances... who knows though! I just hope it happens!!


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

I had a relatively quick labor, 8 hours, and was able to birth completely naturally. When I think back to it now it was a piece of cake. My mother also had quick labors.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

At age 19, I had a post-dates induction at 42w5d gestation with pitocin. I didn't have an epidural, and my labor lasted about 10 hours once it was active, pushing 2.5 hours. She was 8lb 15oz.

At age 21 (almost 22!) I had a precipitous home birth. I woke up thinking I had a contraction at 3:00 am on the dot and she was in my arms at 4:47! She was born at 41w4d and was 9lb 8oz.

Totally different, sorry if it's not helpful!


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Had DD1 at 18- water broke at 35 weeks I was put on Pitocin got the epi after 18 hours and had her at 21 hours.

DD2 was born when I was 20 and was a natural birth after 15 hours of labor. Well, somewhat natural as they gave me pitocin without asking when my lip wouldn't go away.

I was 21 with DD3 and it was 45 hours of living hell. Hospital transfer at 44 hours. It'd have been better (but far from easy) if I would have had a half way decent midwife.

My pregnancies are also horrible. I was hospitalized with the first 2 for severe hyper emesis. The last one I had SPD.


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

My water broke @ 5:30 am, contractions started at 6 am. Went to hospital around 9:30 & was at four. DD was posterior so I stalled @ 6 cm. Got her turned and was ready to push which took 2 hours. She was born at 5:42 pm. Just about 12 hours at 6 lbs 8 oz 18.5 in.


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Well hellooooooo!! (The very young mom thread got moved to the Parenting forum during the clean up and got lost. It was getting a bit long anyway so whoo hoo for another thread!)

I am 22 and have my 3 tornadoes: H (5 in March), T (3 in February) and E (just turned 1). I got pregnant just after my 17th birthday. One of those surprise but it shouldn't have been babies. After the initial shock we were excited. We had been together 3 years and were already talking about getting married after graduation. We decided that being married before the baby was born was important to both of us so we did. We've been married for 5 wonderful years now. T was the only planned baby of the bunch.









I didn't really come across AP until T was about 1 years old. I mean, I was somewhat but definitely not as hard core as I am now.







I am happy with the way it turned out. E is our little surprise vasectomy baby. I am thrilled that I got a new chance to do everything right. I am still disappointed with some of the choices that were made with my older boys, especially not BFing and getting them circumsized.







: I mostly look to the future and worry about what I can do differently to make up for it.

I've surprisingly never got much negativity about being younger. I'm thinking it was either be being so blissfully blind to the rest of the world or I'm just lucky. Even in moms groups where I was the youngest by many years, I have always been accepted without any second guessing. I do have a few friends around my age with kids. Sadly, we don't live near them anymore. Some I met while Dh was AD Army, others I've known since high school. I do agree that young moms are a lot more common in the military. It's unfortunate that many are far from AP.

Gotta get E back to sleep. Labor story later.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

lol Raelynsmama i have taken so many tests sense ds was born! lol dp and i are paranoid. i would love to have another baby but dp isn't ready yet. plus my family would flip out.

i wish i had a natural birth.. i got coerced (as in if you don't do this your son has a big chance of brain damage) into a completely unnecessary C-section... they told me my natural birth would be peachy... until 38 weeks when they said they wouldn't keep me in their practice unless i agreed to a section. i wish i had known what i know now. i would have told them to eff off. i found out later that hopsital has a 46% c section rate. how crazy is that?


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
lol Raelynsmama i have taken so many tests sense ds was born! lol dp and i are paranoid. i would love to have another baby but dp isn't ready yet. plus my family would flip out.

i wish i had a natural birth.. i got coerced (as in if you don't do this your son has a big chance of brain damage) into a completely unnecessary C-section... they told me my natural birth would be peachy... until 38 weeks when they said they wouldn't keep me in their practice unless i agreed to a section. i wish i had known what i know now. i would have told them to eff off. i found out later that hopsital has a 46% c section rate. how crazy is that?

I agree, we'd love to have another baby, but in the future. We want to just focus on dd right now. Oh my goodness! I can't believe how crazy the "medical" world is sometimes! I was lucky enough to be in a relatively progressive hospital (single birthing rooms, tubs in rooms, nursing rocker in rooms) but still nobody there knew what hypnobirth is, I got pushed into pushing and ending up with a tear (albeit a very superficial one) and I was told I couldn't leave the hospital until I gave my baby the hep b vax, which she received while I bawled. I didn't know much about vax's at the time but I just felt like it wasn't right, which come to find out, isn't!

Doctors need to learn to listen to mother insticts. Mothering instincts have been around much longer than doctors have!







:


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
lol Raelynsmama i have taken so many tests sense ds was born! lol dp and i are paranoid. i would love to have another baby but dp isn't ready yet. plus my family would flip out.

i wish i had a natural birth.. i got coerced (as in if you don't do this your son has a big chance of brain damage) into a completely unnecessary C-section... they told me my natural birth would be peachy... until 38 weeks when they said they wouldn't keep me in their practice unless i agreed to a section. i wish i had known what i know now. i would have told them to eff off. i found out later that hopsital has a 46% c section rate. how crazy is that?

I'm sorry to hear that


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## TinyDancer1115 (Dec 7, 2008)

I relate to all you ladies. I had my son at 21 and felt so out of place with other mamas. I think that the experience gives you an incredible sense of compassion and open mindedness as you move through parenting. Now at 25, my friends are starting to think about motherhood and I am way in it, and feeling proud that I could do it the way all you ladies are and have; with an open heart. Much love!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinyDancer1115* 
I relate to all you ladies. I had my son at 21 and felt so out of place with other mamas. I think that the experience gives you an incredible sense of compassion and open mindedness as you move through parenting. Now at 25, my friends are starting to think about motherhood and I am way in it, and feeling proud that I could do it the way all you ladies are and have; with an open heart. Much love!









welcome to MDC. one of my very best friends goes to Providence College... i was just in Providence not long ago. it is a very cool city!


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

I'm a SAHP and also had a pretty easy labor - so easy that I was in denial as to how far along I was for the longest time due to my expectation that it would hurt more and didn't make it to the hospital.


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## gkb2215 (Jan 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyGina* 
I agree with that. I was in a SAHM group in my area and felt so out of place b/c I was the youngest by almost 10 years. It didn't matter that I was married with planned both babies. I feel as though I usually have more in common with older moms than with moms my age (atleast the ones I know personally), the older moms just don't really want to get to know me.

I know just what you mean! I was in a moms' group here in DC where many people don't start their families until they're in their mid-thirties or older. I was by far the youngest, too, and I'm 25.

I love being a young mom, but all of my friends from high school and college are single and not even thinking about babies, so it's a little lonely


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *gkb2215* 
I know just what you mean! I was in a moms' group here in DC where many people don't start their families until they're in their mid-thirties or older. I was by far the youngest, too, and I'm 25.

I love being a young mom, but all of my friends from high school and college are single and not even thinking about babies, so it's a little lonely









hey!! i am in fairfax, va!!! i'm lonely too. my friends are also all in college.. im 21


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinyDancer1115* 
I relate to all you ladies. I had my son at 21 and felt so out of place with other mamas. I think that the experience gives you an incredible sense of compassion and open mindedness as you move through parenting. Now at 25, my friends are starting to think about motherhood and I am way in it, and feeling proud that I could do it the way all you ladies are and have; with an open heart. Much love!

Welcome to MDC. This is such an incredible site, I've only been here for a little while too, but I've found so much love, advice and support on here that it's become a bit of an obsession









It's funny to think that my dd and the future dc of my friends will be so far apart in age, but I love to think about sharing all of the 1st hand experience I've gained. Parenting with an open heart is the only way to go!

As to everyone else refernece birth stories, it's funny to see such variety! I guess we can safely assume that all births are different and age is not a factor in how easy or difficult your birth is.


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## TopHat (Sep 21, 2007)

I'm 22 (23 this Friday) and have an 8 month old. About the labor thing- we had an unassisted birth and I was in labor for 44 hours- I don't think young automatically means easy labor!

I have a hard time finding AP moms my age- it seems it's usually more experienced moms who are AP. The moms who are my age just go along with the mainstream crowd...

I'm definitely the youngest in our local AP playgroup!

And I'm also a SAHM- my DH is in school and works 30 hours. I graduated a year and a half ago with my BS in math, but decided that being a mom is more fun than math.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

lol top hat i agree.. being a mom is fun!


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Sorry, I'm a late poster.

I'm 21, DP is 25, DD is almost 7 weeks old. We live in Baltimore County, MD.
Sorry to be the stereotype, but she was a big surprise. We're happy tho, don't get me wrong! Getting married in June, yay!







:

I don't have any young mom friends IRL that I'm close too. Two of my friends from school (<25 yrs) have babies within a mth or 2 of DD, but one lives in TX and the other in Philly, so I have yet to meet their babies.







They're both bf ing and and one is def AP, the other I'm not too sure about some things. To be honest, I don't really know very many moms, young or not. I got to LLL, and that's pretty much it.

My labor was good, but intense. I had to be induced at 36 wks due to pre-e (yuck), but I still had a natural birth w/ a midwife. They were really awesome at the hospital. It took about 7 hrs (10 hrs-I don't know if I'm supposed to include the time where I was on the pit drip but there was absolutely NO action, lol.). My mom had short natural labors as well. DD was 6lbs 2oz/19 inches.

I feel we get alot of unsolicited advice due to age. We look our age or younger (see pics!). I also got a lot of flack from everyone because I was going to a midwife, drug free, etc. Even people my age without kids!







:


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I love baby names! So, I have a question for everyone, how did you come up with your dc's name, and if you are pregnant, what names have you picked out or are you thinking about?

Asoulunbound, welcome







You have a beautiful dd.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

hey!! Congratulations!! Your DD is beautiful. i just moved from Owings Mills... where are you in Baltimore? and where did you have your baby? i had ds at GBMC..







: you know their C section rate is almost 50% how nuts is that.

If you need anything let me know... i have tons of baby stuff from when ds was a little guy... diapers and such... plus an a few extra slings and wraps.. since he is so big i can't use my stretchy wraps or slings anymore.. and i probably only need 1 of each for the next one lol.

everyone in our area should get together sometime.. since we are all young AP moms.. and which seem to be in low supply around here


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I love baby names! So, I have a question for everyone, how did you come up with your dc's name, and if you are pregnant, what names have you picked out or are you thinking about?

Asoulunbound, welcome







You have a beautiful dd.

haha we had a ton of girls names but couldn't pick a boys name...guess what? we had a boy. lol DP is 'the third' and over my dead body was ds going to be 4th. after 17000 baby name books i was out to lunch with my mom, my aunts, and my cousins and my aunt suggested Nicholas.. i really liked it... and suggested it to DP... he liked it to... first boys name that no one on either side of the family had.. and we both liked! after looking a little longer that one stuck.

o and DPs last name is Lee... it is hard to find a name that doesn't weird with lee. especially girls names lol.. and nick names b/c some things the end in Y or IE sound strange. i liked lucy and sarah for girls.. lucy lee and sarah lee? um no lol. for boys the nick names were hard and my family calls everyone by a nick name. lol


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

I'm a younger mama too! I'm 21, will be 22 on the 25th, I have 2 boys. Tatum 3yrs, and Kaleb 1yr on the 17th. I'm happily married to DH 25, for 4 years on the 31st! We live in Colorado and I'm an aspiring midwife!


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## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

Hi, I'll be 24 next month and I have a 3.5 year old DS.







Everyone always assumes that he was an accident as well, but he was planned! But ya know, so what if he _was_ an accident?? I guess people think that makes a child less important or something?







Even married couples have "accidents" all the time.









Anyway, his dad and I are no longer together (we lived together as a couple for 3.5 years) but we are about to be living together again as roommates. We get a long (most of the time) and we decided that it would be better for DS to have both parents at home.

Oh, and as far as the finding mommy friends thing... I'm right there with ya. Luckily, I have a 21 year old sister who has a 16mo and is an AWESOME mommy.







We share many of the same values, and actually she's doing better than I did because she was able to learn from my mistakes rather than making them herself.







She's still BF'ing her son, he's intact, unvaxed, they co-sleep, etc. I'm so lucky to have her because now our family can't blame everything on my parenting.







Because even though we are parenting much the same way, our kids are very, VERY different!


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

me 2


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I love baby names! So, I have a question for everyone, how did you come up with your dc's name, and if you are pregnant, what names have you picked out or are you thinking about?.

DS#1 When we found out were were pregnant I wanted Titus Kyle or Camile Kay but while we were on the way to the 20 week u/s and I said it's a boy, what do you think of the name Tate. DH loved it mentioned it wasn't short for anything and I said it could be short for Tatum. He loved Tatum more. Originally Tatum Caleb, then I decided caleb wasn't for him, decided on Tatum Harrison. I realize now 3 years later DH's dorm his freshman year was "Harrison Hall" must have been where I got it.

DS#2 After finding out he was a boy I decied on Rider Elliot. Last few weeks of pregnancy I knew that wasn't his name. So after the whilrwind labor and birth and once I got a chance to breathe I asked DH if we could name him Kaleb (remembered it from DS1). I couldn't give up the Rider since that's who he was the whole pregnancy, and I also wanted to honor Dh's grandfather who passed jan 07, Wendall. Kaleb Rider Wendall. We bounce back and forth between calling him Kale and Kal.

And that was insanely long for 2 names!


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## taylor (Apr 4, 2006)

Hi Guys!

I'm a young mama. 21, with two beautiful little boys who are almost 2 & 3.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Welcome to all the new mamas!









urchin_grey, I CAN NOT believe how cute your son is!







:


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## ishereal (Sep 12, 2007)

Hello. I'm checking in! I'm 21 and my ds is 8 months.


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

DD's name is Emalee Cadence. DP and I had made a list of all the names we both liked and we narrowed it down. We couldn't really agree on first and middle name combinations though. We chose Cadence, because it means rythm, and Emily I had put down as a middle name. So I suggested Cadence Emily to DP and he didn't like it... but he did like Emily Cadence. So we decided to compromise and call her by her middle name







"Emily" is such a common name so I just changed the spelling of it and voila! Emalee Cadence. She'll have the inconvenience of being called by her first name and having to correct people, but her daddy did also lol


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

dd1's name is *Ayla Mahalia*









dd2's name is *Maija Devi*









This baby's name will be Noah Sage if it's a boy (and it IS a boy, okay?





















and still thinking on a girl name. I like Priya, Sita, Sage, Grace....


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

For those younger mamas who have multiple kids - please tell me that your families and friend were more supportive with round two. I have baby lust like mad, but I'm not anticipating a repeat of how my family and friends acted last time.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Our families have been MUCH better this time around!!!! With our first it took them awhile to wrap their minds around the idea, so by 30 or so weeks they were really happy but it took awhile for them to get out of the mindset that we were totally nuts. This one they were all excited as soon as we told them.


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## rudysmummy (Dec 13, 2008)

Hi everyone, I just found this site looking for breastfeeding advice and it's nice to see their are some other young mothers here!

I'm 16 and my son was born 01/12/08.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
For those younger mamas who have multiple kids - please tell me that your families and friend were more supportive with round two. I have baby lust like mad, but I'm not anticipating a repeat of how my family and friends acted last time.

omg me too!!! i want another baby so bad... but my mother has already made her opinion on that pretty clear. getting pg young once and rising to the occasion people think o look how great she handled that what a great mom.. get pg twice and you're just another idiot. my mom is normally great.. seriously....but this is something my family just cannot wrap their minds around. i am terrified to have another baby b/c i know how its going to go.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Thank you, I think she's pretty cute myself.









Funny story about DD's name! DP suggested it, and I said "Oh, I like it! Its different, but nothing crazy sounding. And she can be Sam or Sammy if she wants to be when she's bigger." I looked up the definition online and it means "protected by God."

"Oh yeah," says DP, "I didn't tell you it's also the name of the girl in 'The Ring.' "










(For those unfamiliar with "The Ring," it's a horror movie. Samara is the name of a little girl who was thrown in a well.)

Anyway, I loved it, so we stuck with it, lol. Marie is my middle name, along with my aunt, cousin, and grandmother, so it was a family thing.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
omg me too!!! i want another baby so bad... but my mother has already made her opinion on that pretty clear. getting pg young once and rising to the occasion people think o look how great she handled that what a great mom.. get pg twice and you're just another idiot. my mom is normally great.. seriously....but this is something my family just cannot wrap their minds around. i am terrified to have another baby b/c i know how its going to go.

I'm so glad to hear someone else in this situation. Like, I know I have my own family and that comes first, but I'm really close to my family of origin, too, and whenever the subject comes up, they've made it really clear that they strongly disapprove of me having another kid soon. They want me to go back to school and have a career as soon as DD's old enough to go to preschool.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
I'm so glad to hear someone else in this situation. Like, I know I have my own family and that comes first, but I'm really close to my family of origin, too, and whenever the subject comes up, they've made it really clear that they strongly disapprove of me having another kid soon. They want me to go back to school and have a career as soon as DD's old enough to go to preschool.









omg me too. seriously... exactly that. i love my family...we are really close.. which is great but it also means they are really involved... and i care what they think. it sucks because they know darn well i have no intention of going back to school or work full time. i have said we want another baby when ds is around 5... which they think is a great age...and conveniently enough right when he would start school.

here is the thing i don't get. i am a sah mom. i am not in school. i don't work. what exactly is so horrible about me having another baby? i am doing a darn good job with this one if i do say so myself. part of it is b/c we aren't married... my family isn't particularly puritanical... both my older cousins have lived with numerous people... none of them have pro created though...and i was in college full time... but not anymore ... and its not like i am their last hope or something my younger brother and cousins are all in college full time and as far as i can tell are quite content being single and child free lol.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
part of it is b/c we aren't married...

That's an interesting observation. I remember when I was pregnant my parents put a ton of pressure on me to get married. I didn't. I just wasn't ready, financially or otherwise. But we just got married. Actually, the reception was yesterday. I know my parents entire thing has been out of a worry that depending on my DP to support us was too risky - maybe now that we're married they'll be more secure that he will actually provide for us (which he has been - but my parents are THRILLED that we got married, so maybe it makes things different).


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

What were your labors like?
My labors were all different. I had ds1 when I was 16. With him, I was in labor for five hours total and there was no pain at all until it was time to push. The next three kids were, 14, 11 and 13 hours and were textbook labors with all the stages.

I had ds1 in a hospital with a CNM, the middle two in birth centers and ds3 at home with a CPM.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
That's an interesting observation. I remember when I was pregnant my parents put a ton of pressure on me to get married. I didn't. I just wasn't ready, financially or otherwise. But we just got married. Actually, the reception was yesterday. I know my parents entire thing has been out of a worry that depending on my DP to support us was too risky - maybe now that we're married they'll be more secure that he will actually provide for us (which he has been - but my parents are THRILLED that we got married, so maybe it makes things different).

Congratulations!


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## bsideu4ever (Jun 30, 2008)

Im 22 and just has my first on 11/8/08. I am also a SAHM, and loving it!


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## holyhelianthus (Jul 15, 2006)

Well we're expecting #4. S/he will be born when I am 24 and DH is 23. So far no negativity!!!







: We are way excited!


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## springbride (Nov 5, 2008)

I'm in! I'll be 23 when this LO comes along. I'm really excited. We have definitely gotten 'talked down to' already by my dad's family. I called my Grandma to tell her that she was going to be a Great-Grandma and we had told everyone over Thanksgiving...her was response was, well were they "shocked, stunned...surprised" Grr I was so irritated, I told her they were thrilled, and then told her that my phone battery was dying so I had to go....haha.
Anyways, I'm thrilled that there is a young mamas tribe! DH and I are just so excited to meet this LO in July!







:


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## jams001 (Nov 6, 2008)

no, no!! i am younger than you i am 19!!!

___________________
Great thing to know about busby seo test.


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## taylor (Apr 4, 2006)

As far as births go, my boys were both very different.

Gabriel, my water ruptured prior to "active" labor. They did start coming, however. I planned on a hospital birth, and went in about 5 hours after my labor started and they, of course, hooked me up to pit and strapped me to a bed with monitors, etc. etc. I didn't know any better at the time. Eventually, after many interventions, I had a c-section.









Xavier was totally different. A planned homebirth from the start with two awesome midwives. Nomedical interventions during the entire pregnancy, not even a medical ultrasound. And a beautiful home birth that healed so many wounds for me from Gabe's birth. Now, I'll never do anything but birth at home.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *magstphil* 
Well we're expecting #4. S/he will be born when I am 24 and DH is 23. So far no negativity!!!







: We are way excited!

Yeay!!! I hear you on wanting to join the blue team, and I'm only at 2 girls! Congrats, mama and papa (and big sisters). Wishing you a healing birth, as well.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jams001* 
no, no!! i am younger than you i am 19!!!


lol i was 19 when i found out i was pg. and there are quite a few moms around this board who are older now but had their first at 15 or 16.... and a few with teens who are pg or have had children


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Mags... congratulations!!!!! i am so excited for you!!!!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Raelyn's name was something I made up out of a few different names. My maternal grandmother's name was Carolyn (Mae) and my mom's name is Karen (Mae). My paternal grandmother's name was Rose. I'm named Carolyn Rose after the two of them, and for DD, I combined Rose and Mae to get Rae, threw on a lyn, for Raelyn, and her middle name is Rose.

I was 18 when I was pregnant, and I had her a few weeks before turning 19. I'm actually still 19, but I'll be 20 in a few weeks, so I just round up


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Congrats biogrrl!









I can't remember who said it, but I too was told I couldn't leave the hospital until DD got the Hep B vax.







: I wasn't planning on being at a hospital for her birth so I didn't do that research.

Out of curiosity, how did y'all hear about AP and MDC?
I'll start- my mom was a LLL leader and used to get Mothering when I was little. She likes to say "I read it when it was black and white." She prob. wouldn't call herself ap but she is! She's now an AP gramma, sewing cloth diapers and providing bf'ing support.

Which is a big surprise since my side of the family was less then thrilled until about a week before DD's birth... we're not married yet and apparently I'd miss out on so much if we had a kid now blah blah blah. Now the siblings all have babylust like mad and my parents ask me to come over with Samara all the time- I'm there like 2x a week now.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Ok so I guess I'm about 5 pages late joining but.....

I'm a 24 y/o SAHM to 3 y/o dd (born when I was 21) and 2 week old ds. I live in eastern WA state with my wonderful dh our 2 kiddos, 2 dogs, and 2 cats.

Hope I'm not too old to hang out here







.

Like others have mentioned, i do notice being treated differently at times because of my age. I probably look a couple years younger than I actually am which doesn't help either. I often notice stranger's eyes find their way to my left hand to locate my ring (yes you jerk it's there. and even if it wasn't that shouldn't make a difference). People also assume my kids simply MUST have been accidents because "why would one CHOOSE to have kids at my young age"







. Both were planned and actually, dd was 2 years TTC. Imagine the complete shock on people's faces when I tell them that. People also often assume I drop them at daycare 5 days a week (they've never been to daycare and never will go to daycare) because apparently there is no way I could afford to have kids at my age without a full time job. And then there is the thought that I shouldn't know how to be a parent because I'm still a kid myself.... riiiiight. Little do they know I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life, never been to a club, not a night owl, didn't even attend parties back in high school, and silly me I actually really enjoy spending every single day with my kiddos anf make it my mission to be an informed parent who makes good decisions for her children. Dh (one year younger than me) and I are luckily, bothon the same parenting page. I can't say that all of that about most parents twice my age.

ok, rant over









glad to see this group here!


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Wow I forgot about this thread there for a bit.

Let's see...

*Names*
My oldest is Hunter Lee. I had heard the name Hunter the year before I got pregnant and I just loved it. I didn't give DH the choice. Haha! Lee is a family name. My middle name is Lea (pronouced lee) and my brother's and his son's middle name is Lee so... I continued with it.
My grumpy middle son is Tristin Ryan. Dh got his pick this time. Knight of the round table and all that. The Ryan was really just thrown in there because it flowed well.








My youngest is Ethan Asher. I REEEEEEEALLY wanted the name Asher but Dh didn't want it as a first name. I'm still a bit bummed about it but he really does look like an Ethan. So it's okay.









*Second and third time around*
We didn't tell anyone were were TTC or even pregnant at all until I was 12 or 13 weeks along. I didn't receive really any negative opinions/reactions my first time around (17 yrs old) so I didn't expect any nor did I get any that time. We had been married a year and 1/2 at that point. My mom was more upset that I was pregnant right before DH was deploying. She started crying actually because she was sad for me.

The third time was a shock to everyone. We were done done done... vasectomy done. The one unprotected time before the follow up test... hello there. I call it user error. Haha! He was a pleasant surprise.

With my family they have welcomed my children positively. Regardless of my age, these were new members of our family. We may be a dysfunctional bunch but family is family no matter what. I'm not sure how they would have reacted if they knew we were TTC though. I just didn't feel it was their business so we didn't share it with them.

(BTW I had my sons at 17, 19 and 21.)

*How I found MDC*
I was on another message board and they started talking (badly) about the breastfeeding smilie/icons here. I came over to see so I knew what the heck they were talking about. I've been around ever since.







I was already semi-AP but finding MDC really got me into it.

I have a little one crawling all over me. I just got a foot in the face so I think that's my cue to get off here and stop wasting time.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

whats bad about our bfing icons? lol


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Welcome, Fondestbianca. You're really pretty and a good photographer!

Cheappearls, yay for another Texan (Dallas born). I always liked the name Asher. It was one of the poss if we had a DS.







Ethan was too, if I remember right.

Seriously, what's wrong with the icons? They don't like these?







:







:

On a slightly related note, DP asked me if I was going to bf DD until she was 7 or 8... well since you suggested it... lol. He's a good guy.














:


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## heather84 (Jul 4, 2008)

I'm 24 years old. I have two sons. Ages 3 1/2 and 7 months. The oldest is Hunter and the youngest is Ryder. I also have an angel, named Camille, who would be 2. She died at birth due to chromosome abnomalities.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

and welcome. i am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl.







i love your kids names! i am 21.. my son is 10 mos .. his name is nicholas


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## michelleklu (Aug 3, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaGwynn* 
I can relate to feeling out of place with older moms. It's unexplanable, 'cause I never felt out of place when with older friends... and my boyfriend is 10 years older than me lol.

Haha, I agree. My husband's 13 years older than me an I have older friends as well. I just get a feeling that they're looking down on me or that I don't take parenting as seriously or what not.


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## BurgundyTulip (Dec 19, 2008)

Can I join? I'm 23, married and had DD (16 months) when I was 21. Currently, I'm a SAHM and am loving it! I've been reading MDC for a while now but just decided to join today. I'm so glad there's a young mother's tribe because there is a severe lack of young moms where I live







. I try to pratice AP as much as possible and realize I learn something new everyday. Fortunately DH is supportive even if my family always isn't. However, there is one neighbor who practices EBF and she's been a big help with certain things.

My question to you all is: how did you find a mom's group that you liked? Are there any particular sites you use or places you go? I've tried different ones in the area but have not meshed well with the women. Plus, I'm a little nervous about my dd being around little ones who have been vaxed. Is that weird?


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

I found MDC from a post on Babycenter. My "due date club" was on Whattoexpect.com (pretty mainstream). I was a lurker for a few days on Babycenter and there was an AP/Cruncy thread. I think this was the first time I had ever heard 'AP' so I was trying to figure out what that was







I already had AP ideas of how I would raise my child though. Someone mentioned finding your tribe on MDC so I signed up and that was the first thing I did. I'm so glad I did that, because I found lots of ladies in my area that share the same parenting values. Now I'm on MDC every day.







:


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

to all the new faces!








I'm sorry for your loss, Heather.

I found mothering, because they had the magazine at my library.







:


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

I just had my baby on Monday.







:


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
I just had my baby on Monday.







:









!!! congratulations!!!!!


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
For those younger mamas who have multiple kids - please tell me that your families and friend were more supportive with round two. I have baby lust like mad, but I'm not anticipating a repeat of how my family and friends acted last time.

I think our families were MORE shocked the second time second time then they were the first. My mom reacted less than stellar when I told her the second was planned







: and yet she tells me all the time she has no idea how I handle it. Her husband keeps telling us and her we'll have 2-3 more. He's a character tells us it'll either be twins or 2 girls and a boy, bring it on!

The in-laws knew we were pregnant the first time before we told them, the second time MIL kept asking DH if I was pregnant, they worked together, and if I was it's a girl. I have no doubt they were less than pleased though.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BurgundyTulip* 
My question to you all is: how did you find a mom's group that you liked? Are there any particular sites you use or places you go? I've tried different ones in the area but have not meshed well with the women. Plus, I'm a little nervous about my dd being around little ones who have been vaxed. Is that weird?

Check out Yahoo groups, they can get very specific and alot of times they meeting on and offline. I have yet to find a place where I really fit in. I always felt fairly comfortable at LLL meetings, otherwise I'm kind of the odd woman out.







I went to MOPS last year (can't go this year too busy!) and it seemed like many mama's changed when they found out my age. With my first son I got a wide variety of reactions to my age and being a mother anything from being told by women they wished they were as smart as I was when they had kids







, or as bad as my discharge nurse calling social services before I left the hospital.









I'm glad to see other VBAC mamas, I don't seem to see a lot of women near my age choosing VBAC. I had one friend swear to me her OB told her if she ever goes into labor her uterus will explode







I politely told her "I believe your OB is reffering to uterine rupture, and the chances of rupture is fairly small" she gave me a line about OBs being smart than us so he must know better.

I forget how I really found it, I read it long before I joined once in a blue moon but a friend told me I should join so I joined during my pregnancy last year.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
I just had my baby on Monday.







:

Congrats!!














:







:


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
I just had my baby on Monday.







:

congrats! I just had my baby boy on the 2nd.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

Plus, I'm a little nervous about my dd being around little ones who have been vaxed. Is that weird?
One of the things I've had to come to terms about with us not vax'ing is the possibility that my children will catch the diseases that the vaccines are for. I read all the info about each shot and disease on the VAERS website. At this point, the only one that still bothers me is the flu, because having all six of us get the flu would be an enormous pain in the arse.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Congrats to Holly and Bianca!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
One of the things I've had to come to terms about with us not vax'ing is the possibility that my children will catch the diseases that the vaccines are for. I read all the info about each shot and disease on the VAERS website. At this point, the only one that still bothers me is the flu, because having all six of us get the flu would be an enormous pain in the arse.

That's too funny. Me? I'm a worrier. I would worry if I vax just as much as I worry now. I just pray that I'm making the best decision. But the flu? Compared to, say whooping cough (which there have been outbreaks in my area







), bring on the flu!


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

Congrats on the new baby!


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Congrats on the new babies!

To find other mamas, I agree with Yahoo groups. There's also meetup.com. I met my best friend here when she posted a flyer near our community mail boxes to start up a neighborhood play group and it turned out that she's more AP then I am.







:


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaGwynn* 
Now I'm on MDC every day.









: It's totally addicting.







:

Oh, heather84 I'm so sorry. I had a little brother die at 6 weeks due to Trisomy 13.







: Can't imagine.








: to the new babies. Can't wait to see pictures.









I missed LLL this Fri to get an IUD put in.







I'm super bummed I have to wait another month... it's the only place I feel like a normal mommy, and no one cares about my age.

I'm curious... do y'all have s/o who are AP or "crunchy"? DP is learning, fully supports EBF (now, anyway) and natural birth, and we're trying to find him a wrap/sling to wear DD, but some things he's a bit more conservative (mainstream) about. He's an awesome daddy, don't get me wrong, but we don't always agree on things. Just wondering if I'm alone on that one.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

asoulunbound - you are definitely not alone!! My DH was SO uncrunchy when we met!! Saw no reason to BF, thought cloth diapers were gross, saw no reason why an epidural was bad... Now? He was just as sad as I was when I had to stop BFing DS at 8 month (milk supply tanked with being pregnant despite my best efforts







), sees no reason I can't/shouldn't have an all natural VBAC and has no issue with my cloth diaper addiction


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
I'm curious... do y'all have s/o who are AP or "crunchy"? DP is learning, fully supports EBF (now, anyway) and natural birth, and we're trying to find him a wrap/sling to wear DD, but some things he's a bit more conservative (mainstream) about. He's an awesome daddy, don't get me wrong, but we don't always agree on things. Just wondering if I'm alone on that one.

It's the same thing with us pretty much. He's got the mainstream stuff in his head just from being in America







But if I present a new idea to him and sometimes if I give a reason or evidence or whatever he's like "yeah that totally makes sense" so it's cool. I'm always handing him books saying "read this it has a dad's section" lol.


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## BurgundyTulip (Dec 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
I just had my baby on Monday.







:

Congrats! Such a cute name btw







Congrats to you as well Bianca! New babies are wonderful.

NursingMamma05 & Phathui5 thanks for the advice. I've tried Meetup.com but so far nothing to my liking. Maybe I'll start my own group. I signed up for MOPS but got a call that they were full. I never thought about Yahoo groups though- something new to try.

As for my DH- he's great with the crunchy bit. He's pretty much cool with doing whatever I want to do although I wish he'd do his own research as well. When she was younger he carried her around in a sling pretty much wherever we went







. He also makes it a point to go to all doctor's appointments and ask questions (not really crunchy per say but I love it anyway). When we were talking about vaxes I told him why I didn't want to do certain ones right now and he was cool. The only thing I think he thinks is weird is that I still breastfeed DD ocassionally. Oh well, he'll get used to it.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
I'm curious... do y'all have s/o who are AP or "crunchy"?









for the AP and crunchy partners, as well as the open minded ones who aren't easily swayed.









DH is all for BF'ing, I even told him the other day on DS2's birthday "a year of nursing doesn't seem long enough" his response "not at all."(Just in reffernce to mainstream thinging being wean at a year) It's a little inside joke that my breasts are community property around here. He loves to babywear, he's got no problems with cloth diapers or pads (though the look he gave me the most horrified look when I suggested family cloth haha!). He enjoys co-sleeping because he loves to cuddle the kids. He struggles a lot to be gentle so I am always reminding him, lovingly, to be kind put himself in our 3 y/o's place and approach from that way. He's a reacter more than a thinker. He doesn't mind that most of our meals are vegetrian even though he loves meat, and he doesn't mind if I spend a bit more than usual to buy organic. He was thrilled for us to plan a homebirth and was very agreeable when I told him maybe with a baby in the future I'd like to UC. He's a great father and overall a wonderful person.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

DP is extremely supportive. I'm lucky to have such awesome support in that regard. In some ways, he's more crunchy than me (much more wedded to homeschooling while I'm a little more ambivalent). In some ways, I'm more crunchy than him (in less than a month, we're gonna ttc, and we still don't agree on unassisted childbirth). He does gentle discipline. He wears DD in a sling. When we decided to nightwean (due to severe early childhood caries







), he totally got on board on doing all the night time parenting. He's totally down with me staying home. I feel so lucky, because a lot of young parents don't have supportive partners.


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

DH is very supportive of all the crunchy stuff. As I've discovered it and shared with him what I've learned he's embraced it right along with me. I discovered Mothering and AP/NFL before we started TTC. I'm so glad I did!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

I'm curious... do y'all have s/o who are AP or "crunchy"?
He's a lot more crunchy now than when we met. He used to not care about breastfeeding one way or the other. Now when we go out and he sees a baby with a bottle, he says he wonders why they're not nursing. When I nursed our first toddler/preschooler, he had a hard time with it sometimes; now he thinks it's funny when I'm trying to do something and ds2 has his head in my lap going "Nur! Nur!"

He's never done babywearing, except with the hiking backpack.

He's mostly GD. Not like the hardcore people on the boards here, but he doesn't hit the kids.

Luckily, he's always fully supported homeschooling the kids.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

I'm not as young as a bunch of you ladies, but I'm really young for my area/social group. All my 5yr olds playmates' moms are well over 30. I just turned 27, so I feel like the odd duck. That and I'm very crunchy granola. My DH is as crunchy as I am, which makes life easier, but he's deployed right now, so I'm awash in mainstream, educated, middle class whitebread without my life preserver!


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mntnmom* 
I'm not as young as a bunch of you ladies, but I'm really young for my area/social group. All my 5yr olds playmates' moms are well over 30. I just turned 27, so I feel like the odd duck. That and I'm very crunchy granola. My DH is as crunchy as I am, which makes life easier, but he's deployed right now, so I'm awash in mainstream, educated, middle class whitebread without my life preserver!

Welcome! I think the thing about being a young mom is that even when it stops being weird to be a *mom* at a certain age, it's weird to have a kid the age we have a kid, so we always kind of end up feeling "young," I think. But I bet I'll appreciate feeling young when I'm in my thirties.


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi all. I just started exploring around the forums, outside of my DDC, and I wanted to join you mommies! I'm Jennie, 23 (24 in February), and due with my first at the end of March. My husband is very supportive and we're planning a home birth together. I'm very excited to be in my third trimester, and loving being pregnant! I hope I get to know some other young mommies on here


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

Hi








I just found this one. I'm 24 and expecting #2 in Feb







:
I'm starting to get use to the "but you're so young" stare- i've been getting it since dh and i got married (5 years now!







) and whenever ds and I are out. I must look younger than i am too. 2 years ago i worked at a fancy-for this area- restaurant and i kept being asked if i was old enough to work ( do i really not look 16!!)lol.
my mom is supportive in fact she started having kids at the same age as me and our first 2 kids are the same # of years apart. as for MIL well i'll try not to rant but she's been against it all from the start- "too young to get married. you'll waste your youth" etc etc etc. she can't imagine we planned #2-up to the day we told her i was pregnant she kept saying "well you'll have to wait a few more years before you even think about anymore"! now that's changed to "after you have this one i'd secretly go on birth control"







: ok i have to stop of i'll seriously rant here...
i'm also a SAHM and i LOVE it!!!!! it's always been my dream (and if i hear one more time about having to get me back to college and find a career!!!!)
i live in a very rural area which i like but there aren't many people to get to know and i'm a homebody so i look forward to getting to know ya all.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Hiiii~

I'm a mom-to-be, expecting #1 in July 2009.

I'm currently 20. My friends and I had planned on going out on my 21st (in April)... when I realized I was pregnant, I was pretty disappointed that that plan will have to be altered. We can still go out, of course, but the alcohol will have to wait. (I think, once I tell my mom, she'll be pleased that I can't go out drinking.







)

I live in Maine. I have a unique relationship, which I'm willing to explain if anyone is curious. Because of it, I haven't told my parents that I'm pregnant, yet. I also haven't talked to my DP about being "crunchy." We have a very strong dislike for hospitals in general.

So... that's me in a very tiny nutshell.


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## MamaGwynn (Jun 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
I have a unique relationship, which I'm willing to explain if anyone is curious.

Please do!


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaGwynn* 
Please do!









:


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## mommabear207 (Nov 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 







:

LOL and where in Maine are ya from? I'm in Maine too- Downeast/ Washington County


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 







:









:

LOL
Hello!!! I'm 20 and I'm mamma to my very hippie 21 month old baby lol Well he has a hippie mommy what can you expect????
I had a beautiful water birth and I'm looking forward to repeat that beautiful experience with a 2nd child, when I get pregnant. I just got married in August and DH and I are planning to have another baby soon and that's it.
I don't know what is birth control lol seriously what is that?







: Which us look with our TTC'ing, we've been trying for over year now.

anyways, i'm looking forward to talk to all of you. The young and the crunchy


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Well, since you asked...









I'm polyamorous -- meaning I have more than one close, committed relationship at a time. I only came into it within the last year. I suppose what makes it "easy" is that I'm only involved with two people... and they happen to be married to each other. (Thus the "Me, my couple, and one more," line in my signature.)

We didn't really plan on this pregnancy. I was/we were too "Que sera, sera" about such things, and were hoping that she (his wife, my girlfriend) would get pregnant first. Things didn't work out that way.

So, it makes matters a lot more complicated in that none of our parents know of our relationship -- or my pregnancy. I also have no idea how to deal with the little legalities (should his name go on the birth certificate, etc.) and there are very few resources for poly families in this sort of situation.

In my 20+ years, I have never taken the easy route in anything.







Polyamoury is not always easy, and it's not for everybody. But it's worked well for us, and I hope it will continue to go well for the years to come.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommabear207*
LOL and where in Maine are ya from? I'm in Maine too- Downeast/ Washington County

I live south of Augusta, and my DPs live in the Sebago Lakes area. I have family in Bangor and Ellsworth.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Aaaaand I killed the thread.









Hope everyone is doing well.







:


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

Wow! That is complicated lol!


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CrunchyGina* 
Wow! That is complicated lol!









:


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Can't say I didn't warn you!









Other than that, I like to think I'm pretty ... well, not "normal," because "normal" doesn't exist. But I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing WoW, and spending way too much time on-line.

I also have a cat, who has been my "baby" for eight years.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Aaaaand I killed the thread.









Hope everyone is doing well.







:

haha no, I didn't know what to say. Sounds like you're happy and that rocks









How did everyone's new years go? Any hopes for the new year?


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 

Other than that, I like to think I'm pretty ... well, not "normal," because "normal" doesn't exist. But I like hanging out with friends, watching movies, playing WoW, and spending way too much time on-line.

I also have a cat, who has been my "baby" for eight years.









I say that I'm special









New Year was great, just DH, DS and I and then we went with my mom and we celebrated St Basil's feastday.
I'm hoping for baby#2 this year







:


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Hi all, thought I'd join this little group here!

I'm 24, just had my first child last month, and am looking for other like-minded people!

I realized after a VERY boring and awkward (and kinda lonely) New Years Eve with my friends that we are definitely drifting apart a whole lot faster than I ever thought possible. No one wanted to hold the baby, no one could think of anything to say to me, and I whenever i said something they all looked at me like I had three heads and then went back to their conversation, it was probably one of the more depressing evenings of my life. It's like they don't know who I am any more.

They're all younger than me, still in school and in half-hearted dating relationships, and now it's almost like I've hit the same status as their parents- old, married, with kids, boring. All the people I know with kids are in their 30's and 40's, and I'm finding myself in a very awkward place.

So it's good to know other are in the same boat that I'm in- as unhappy as we may be to find ourselves here!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Hi everyone! I've been MIA lately, and I'm terribly sorry. Things have been so busy with the holidays and DD's first birthday (1-9-09! WOW!) coming up. I've missed you all and hope you are all doing well, and I'm so pleased that this thread has taken off so well!

Serenekitten, your life is your life, everyone chooses their happiness and I'm glad you've found yours. Everyone is free to love whomever they choose.

Astraia, I'm so sorry to hear about your new years party. It's so sad to drift away from your friends due to lifestyle differences. They don't understand you, and you don't understand them. I hope that this thread brings you comfort and support and connects you to dozens of other wonderful, young, AP mamas!!

A belated happy holidays to everyone and happy new year!!


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Does anyone else have a totally clueless DP(s)/DH/DW or whatever? Seriously... I know that my DH will get better as we both mature (we are both 23) and he has gotten SO much better just in the past year.. but he is driving me bonkers!!!!! I get that he works and I don't so obviously most of the house stuff and more kid stuff is up to me, that was the whole point of me not working. But it is like he thinks taking care of our insane almost 9 month old while pregnant is a walk in the park!! I don't know.. this is more a vent then anyhting else, but I am sick of hearing "well, that is what you get when you get married and have kids so so young" and I figure you guys wouldn't give me that particular line!!


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

DH is driving me bonkers, he also works and i don't but admittedly even when I DID work all the house and meal related stuff was left up to me.

Now he acts like having a 1 month daughter and a 9 month old puppy is easy!

And that is NOT true about the getting married young business. I find a lot of men- some who got married late, some who got married middle-aged- are just as useless as my DH can be sometimes, and just as un-understanding (lol)

Some men just don't think about their assumptions, and don't want to admit they're wrong in their assumptions because that would mean they'd have to fix something (help more, etc) and they'd rather not.

JMO, of course!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Well Chely, I'm sorry to say, I think it's just a typical male thing regardless of age. Traditionally, women handle the household and the children, and men handle the finances and "bringing home the bacon", and neither can ever seem to understand how the other feels or what they go through. My DH and I have had similar issues (and I'm willing to say 99.9% of couples have) and we actually just had a big talk last night and resolved SO many of them ...at least the recent ones, which was great, but I digress... He doesn't get that I need adult time, with him, and by myself. He doesn't get that it can be HARD to take care of a child/children and the house. They think that you have all the time in the world to do whatever you want. Oh, and did I mention I have had baby duty every night since she was born? (Make that every day and night since she was born... ) But I can get up with the baby all night long because I don't work and he does... oh man. Now I'm ranting! Well.. the whole point of my post was that, I think it happens to all of us, the only way to get through it is to try to see the other person's point of view, and I've found that being more appreciative and sympathetic of him makes him be more so of me. Hope it helps


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

seriously my DH is 37 and sometimes acts as teenager







remember we mature faster than men lol and they... well they will always act as kids


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## dearmama22 (Oct 20, 2008)

Hi mama's! I'm 23, my husband is 25 and we're expecting our first baby in March!!

Happy to see other moms around here the same age!


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
DH is driving me bonkers, he also works and i don't but admittedly even when I DID work all the house and meal related stuff was left up to me.

Now he acts like having a 1 month daughter and a 9 month old puppy is easy!

And that is NOT true about the getting married young business. I find a lot of men- some who got married late, some who got married middle-aged- are just as useless as my DH can be sometimes, and just as un-understanding (lol)

Some men just don't think about their assumptions, and don't want to admit they're wrong in their assumptions because that would mean they'd have to fix something (help more, etc) and they'd rather not.

JMO, of course!

I swear we are married to the same man.. we have an 8.5 month old DS, a 6 month old lab puppy and I'm pregnant... and he wonders why the dog spends a lot of the day in the fenced yard?


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chely7425* 
Does anyone else have a totally clueless DP(s)/DH/DW or whatever? Seriously... I know that my DH will get better as we both mature (we are both 23) and he has gotten SO much better just in the past year.. but he is driving me bonkers!!!!! I get that he works and I don't so obviously most of the house stuff and more kid stuff is up to me, that was the whole point of me not working. But it is like he thinks taking care of our insane almost 9 month old while pregnant is a walk in the park!! I don't know.. this is more a vent then anyhting else, but I am sick of hearing "well, that is what you get when you get married and have kids so so young" and I figure you guys wouldn't give me that particular line!!









It's hard!! It's a hard job to be mama and homemaker. All I can suggest is talk to him, tell him how you feel, how hard you work, and how physically and emotionally tiring your job is. That's the only way my DH understood. It will get better!


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 







It's hard!! It's a hard job to be mama and homemaker. All I can suggest is talk to him, tell him how you feel, how hard you work, and how physically and emotionally tiring your job is. That's the only way my DH understood. It will get better!









And maybe exaggerate a little bit.. not totally ethical, but if he's not home then expand a bit on what you did! I find if I say to DH, "she was up every few hours last night, I'm exhausted!" I get more help then if I say, "she was up twice and stayed up for 45 minutes each time" so I'll say the one that gets me the most help 

And I could NOT imagine being preg again. My first trimester with this one all I could do was sleep- I skipped my lunch break at work (just ate at my desk later) and napped in my car, got up in the morning just in time to make it to work, and the second I got home from work I went to bed. It was insane. I don't know how I'm going to manage with #2 I can't sleep that much with another child to supervise!


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
And I could NOT imagine being preg again. My first trimester with this one all I could do was sleep- I skipped my lunch break at work (just ate at my desk later) and napped in my car, got up in the morning just in time to make it to work, and the second I got home from work I went to bed. It was insane. I don't know how I'm going to manage with #2 I can't sleep that much with another child to supervise!

Luckily I haven't been overly horribly tired this time around!! I try and nap with him IF he takes a nap though lately he has decided that he is too cool for naps. It does not make him very pleasant to be around!! I am just scared how I am going to handle 2 babies 14 months apart...


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Don't worry, you'll manage. It might be crazy at times (lots of times, I bet







) but you will definitely figure it out and raise 2 awesome kids.

Glad you're not too tired- hopefully not too sick, either! Pregnancy is both amazing and a miracle while still being sort of sucky at the same time!


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
No one wanted to hold the baby, no one could think of anything to say to me, and I whenever i said something they all looked at me like I had three heads and then went back to their conversation, it was probably one of the more depressing evenings of my life. It's like they don't know who I am any more.









Welcome to the group! I'm sorry you and your friends are growing apart, and that New Years Eve was so awful. I don't have any advice for you, but I hope things get better -- especially now that you've found us!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dearmama22* 
Hi mama's! I'm 23, my husband is 25 and we're expecting our first baby in March!!

Happy to see other moms around here the same age!









Welcome to the group!









My boyfriend is 30 and immature in some ways. He spends a lot of his time playing video games and watching TV. I honestly don't think the reality of having a baby has hit any of us, yet, and won't until he or she is actually here.







:

I spent most of yesterday with my friend and her son -- who is turning 1 year next week. I realized just how woefully unprepared and unready I am.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
And maybe exaggerate a little bit.. not totally ethical, but if he's not home then expand a bit on what you did! I find if I say to DH, "she was up every few hours last night, I'm exhausted!" I get more help then if I say, "she was up twice and stayed up for 45 minutes each time" so I'll say the one that gets me the most help 

We did some preemptive marriage counseling. We had to sit down (and still do) and say how we feel/what we're going through and the other partner repeats it back in the exact words. Like "Somedays I wish we had more time for just us" DP can't say "I neglect you!?" DP has to say "somedays you wish we had more time for us" I don't know if it would work for everyone but it really helped us open our ears and hearts more than they were.

Also if I don't tell him point blank what I need or want he doesn't get it, we both refer to him as Mr. Obvious. haha I've learned to say "I NEED a nap" instead of "I didn't get enough sleep" or "I'm so touched out, please give me 20 minutes to be alone" instead of "the boys have been clingy and the baby nursed all day" or "take out the trash on your way out the door" instead of "the trash is full". He's not good at reading between the lines. I tease him about it quite often.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
I honestly don't think the reality of having a baby has hit any of us, yet, and won't until he or she is actually here.







:









you've got plenty of time to prepare! And FWIW sometimes it hits me out of no where that oh-my-gosh I'm a MOM.







Like I could forget?


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
Also if I don't tell him point blank what I need or want he doesn't get it, we both refer to him as Mr. Obvious. haha I've learned to say "I NEED a nap" instead of "I didn't get enough sleep" or "I'm so touched out, please give me 20 minutes to be alone" instead of "the boys have been clingy and the baby nursed all day" or "take out the trash on your way out the door" instead of "the trash is full". He's not good at reading between the lines. I tease him about it quite often.









I find myself feeling really annoyed when he needs me to tell him point-blank what to do (particularly if I have to tell him several times because he forgot what I asked the first few times). Last night before he left for work he asked, is there anything I cna do? My first reaction was "LOOK around! Seriously, everything needs to be done!" but instead I took a deep breath and picked the two things that were bugging me the most and got him to do those. I just don't understand how he can't put two and two together- like, "hmm, we have no dishes. I should do dishes."

We communicate fairly well when we DO communicate, but for some reason in the last 6 months or so I've become completely incapable of telling him when I'm angry with him or feeling resentful or feeling like I'm doing everything. No good at all.

And yeah, he's pretty immature. he's also one of those world of warcraft people.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 







you've got plenty of time to prepare! And FWIW sometimes it hits me out of no where that oh-my-gosh I'm a MOM.







Like I could forget?









I remember when I was pregnant the first time I said "my daughter"- I blew myself away, lol, I was just shocked that it was REAL

and 2 weeks before my due date my husband was like, "oh my gosh- it's NOVEMBER! Can we rewind a few months?"


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Well, since you asked...









I'm polyamorous -- meaning I have more than one close, committed relationship at a time. I only came into it within the last year. I suppose what makes it "easy" is that I'm only involved with two people... and they happen to be married to each other. (Thus the "Me, my couple, and one more," line in my signature.)

We didn't really plan on this pregnancy. I was/we were too "Que sera, sera" about such things, and were hoping that she (his wife, my girlfriend) would get pregnant first. Things didn't work out that way.

So, it makes matters a lot more complicated in that none of our parents know of our relationship -- or my pregnancy. I also have no idea how to deal with the little legalities (should his name go on the birth certificate, etc.) and there are very few resources for poly families in this sort of situation.

In my 20+ years, I have never taken the easy route in anything.







Polyamoury is not always easy, and it's not for everybody. But it's worked well for us, and I hope it will continue to go well for the years to come.

I live south of Augusta, and my DPs live in the Sebago Lakes area. I have family in Bangor and Ellsworth.









Before I had a kid, we were polyamorous. Now that I have a kid, I just don't have the time for multiple relationships (maybe someday...), but it sounds like you're in a triad, so maybe it'll be easier for you.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
Hi all, thought I'd join this little group here!

I'm 24, just had my first child last month, and am looking for other like-minded people!

I realized after a VERY boring and awkward (and kinda lonely) New Years Eve with my friends that we are definitely drifting apart a whole lot faster than I ever thought possible. No one wanted to hold the baby, no one could think of anything to say to me, and I whenever i said something they all looked at me like I had three heads and then went back to their conversation, it was probably one of the more depressing evenings of my life. It's like they don't know who I am any more.

They're all younger than me, still in school and in half-hearted dating relationships, and now it's almost like I've hit the same status as their parents- old, married, with kids, boring. All the people I know with kids are in their 30's and 40's, and I'm finding myself in a very awkward place.

So it's good to know other are in the same boat that I'm in- as unhappy as we may be to find ourselves here!

That's way too familiar of a story. I don't have really any strong friendships with any of my pre-kid friends, except those that have now gone on to kids. Eventually, some of your old friends will start having kids and it'll be easier to reconnect.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 







It's hard!! It's a hard job to be mama and homemaker. All I can suggest is talk to him, tell him how you feel, how hard you work, and how physically and emotionally tiring your job is. That's the only way my DH understood. It will get better!









I needed to hear that today. A couple of days ago, my partner said that it seems to him that *he* does most of the housework and that he just comes home to clean up after me. I was devastated. I'm still really really really upset about it, in a just going through the motions of things that need to be done around here but don't want to get out of bed sort of way.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
but instead I took a deep breath and picked the two things that were bugging me the most and got him to do those. I just don't understand how he can't put two and two together- like, "hmm, we have no dishes. I should do dishes."

Good job!







I don't think they see it, not until it directly effects them and then they try to find a way around it. Like no clean underware+lots of laundry to do=lets buy new underware. Or sink full of dishes=lets eat out!







: I hate giving the play-by-play of this is what you have to do but it's easier to do it then to assume he's thinking what I'm thinking. We're all wired differently.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

You're right, nursingmama, we eat out a lot because I asked him to think of something for dinner (and he thought of it, but didn't bother to check if we had the ingredients for it, or pull meat out to thaw, etc). He has a totally different way of looking at the world and I think I need to start finding it funny instead of irritating or we'll never get anywhere.

Biogrrl- it's gonna be a long time until any of them have kids, and a lot of them are talking about moving to different cities to do graduate programs for school so I think this is the beginning of the end and I'll be friendless soon if I don't do something.

I'm looking into playgroups in my area but a lot of them you need to pay (?!?!) and others have 200+ members to a playgroup, which means either it's HUGE or a lot of people rotate in and out. In either case, it'd be hard to make friends in that kind of environment so I'm still hunting.

Who knew having kids could be so isolating?


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Astraia I hope things improve on the DP and friend fronts


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
You're right, nursingmama, we eat out a lot because I asked him to think of something for dinner (and he thought of it, but didn't bother to check if we had the ingredients for it, or pull meat out to thaw, etc). He has a totally different way of looking at the world and I think I need to start finding it funny instead of irritating or we'll never get anywhere.

Oh, good Lord, and I thought it was just my dad who lived in his own little world.









The dear boyfriend usually does a little bit better when it comes to dinner-things. Unfortunately, he usually turns to me and the girlfriend and asks us our opinion, which is usually, "I don't care." If this continues all the way through the birth, I'll pull my hair out.


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## ihugtrees (Oct 16, 2008)

I guess I'm sort of late to the thread!

I'm 20 (turning 21 this weekend and spending it in the mountains with DH














and expecting my first. She is due in June.

I've been a nanny for 4 years, and have seen enough chaotic families that I *think* I know what to expect. I also have seen soooo many really disconnected couples...it's not like that for us. We fight and argue and have misunderstandings--he drives me crazy and all, of course...but 99% of the time, life is blissful for us--he is truly such an amazing man and my very best friend in the world. I am hoping our honeymoon phase won't end forever when the baby is born.

I can totally relate to the disconnected feeling. ALL of my friends, minus my closest friend who lives in another part of the state, have completely disappeared since I got married. DH and I didn't know each other long when we got pregnant, and only my best friend was supportive of us getting married. When I had a miscarriage, DH and I both really, really wanted a baby (despite the fact that just weeks before we were terrified out of our minds at the prospect!) and so we got married and tried again (and got pregnant on LITERALLY the first try!) Everyone thinks we are crazy...partly because we knew each other only a few months before we got married, partly because we decided to have a baby again so soon, and mostly because we are both young (he's 24). I've been trying to make friends via Yahoo groups, meetup.com, and Craigslist, but have yet to meet anyone I connect with. A lot of the young moms I've met were extremely unprepared for kids, and tend to be horribly impatient/harsh/mean with them, unhappy, and hate their husbands/their lives in general. Every one I've met just goes along with the status quo on everything, and when I suggest that I might do something that isn't mainstream they, much like my family, think I'm INSANE!

I'm definitely feeling really lonely and wishing I could find some mature, intelligent, HAPPY moms somewhere here in Florida...


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Welcome ihugtrees, I hope your pregnancy is boring and uneventful but wonderfully happy!


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

Aww, I'm sorry so many husbands aren't living up to their roles. I guess I'm really lucky. My husband works, and I don't right now, but he is happy that I have time to relax at home. I am in grad school, and I do all the housework/bills/related stuff, but he still cooks sometimes, helps with laundry, and assists me if I ever need help with anything. We'll see how he is with a new baby, but I have high hopes for him. He's a great man.

Are any other young mommas in school? I'm working on my graduate degree in early education, so I can teach when baby is a little older. My husband is getting certified to be an EMT, and will start working on his paramedic training next year, so we'll both be in school. I'm not too worried being a student and a mom, but wanted to see how others deal.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

I tried school. I ended up giving up. I was working on my BSN. I couldn't afford adequate childcare, so I had a flaky nanny that I paid next to nothing. As a result, I missed a lot of class and I took DD to class a lot. Not good for my grades at all. That, and I missed her SO MUCH. School will be there for me later, when LO is older, though sometimes I wish I had a degree to fall back on.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

I went to college for only one year -- I couldn't afford it, and now my bill is in collections.







It's really ruined my appetite for any sort of higher education. I might go back, someday.


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## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

I graduated with my BA in accounting a couple months before I got pregnant with DS... I have so much respect for those mamas that are in school!! I don't think I could have done it.


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

i feel old for a reason today, but i ask dh how old he is and he makes me feel better :nana:

i want to go back to school, but DS is too young and I want to have another baby. we're TTC'ing at the moment and so far...


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *YayJennie* 
Are any other young mommas in school?

I did school for 4 years (was going to get a BFA). But it was taking too much time (I'm ADD and was going slow) and money for a degree that I didn't think would be very valuable. Plus I stopped loving it. I now self-educate.

DH is going back to school (just started classes this week). He got a BA in film. Now he's in pre-med. So (if all goes well and he gets accepted to med school) we'll have a crazy life in 2 years. I'm nervous, but kind of excited too. I'm also really excited to know that the medical world will have one more doctor supporting of NFL.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

I'm considering going into school for midwifery, but I dunno. I just had my daughter (she's 6 weeks) an I want another kid, and midwifery is 4 years. I don't know if I can take off for a year in the middle of the program to have another kid, either, hence my difficulty.

I need to decide SOON though, application deadline is Feb 1st.


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

I finish the Ontario Midwifery Education Programme (MEP) in 11 weeks! I will be a registered midwife, and I am so excited! I have worked so hard for the last 4 years, I started when dd1 was just 1. I will be about 24 weeks into pregnancy #3 when I graduate. We are considering moving out west (British Columbia) for me to get a job. It is going to change our financial picture so much, we will be able to choose an alternative school for our daughters, eat all organic food, travel, and save money for building our straw bale house. We have been struggling with bills for 4 years while I trucked through the program, and it has been very stressful for our family. I know it will be worth it, and dh and I have been committed to this future for so long... it's almost here!


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
I will be about 24 weeks into pregnancy #3 when I graduate.











im happy for you though, baby #3!! sigh...

i want to go to law school, but im not sure. i dont want to worry about it right know though.


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
We are considering moving out west (British Columbia) for me to get a job.

No! Come to Alberta! Midwives will be covered come April, but we don't have nearly enough of them!!! Please?!







:


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *YayJennie* 
Are any other young mommas in school? I'm working on my graduate degree in early education, so I can teach when baby is a little older. My husband is getting certified to be an EMT, and will start working on his paramedic training next year, so we'll both be in school. I'm not too worried being a student and a mom, but wanted to see how others deal.

I will be soon! I hope to start school this year, my goal is to be a midwife by the time I'm 30







:. I'm interested to see how that's going to work with the kiddos too. I'm sure we'll both do great even though it might be a little







:

I'm technically a WAHM but I don't feel like it's work. I watch my friend's boys, not much of a job because it's so much fun. I also plan to get a part time job hopefully by march so I can pay off all of our bad debt this year.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
I tried school. I ended up giving up. I was working on my BSN. I couldn't afford adequate childcare, so I had a flaky nanny that I paid next to nothing. As a result, I missed a lot of class and I took DD to class a lot. Not good for my grades at all. That, and I missed her SO MUCH. School will be there for me later, when LO is older, though sometimes I wish I had a degree to fall back on.









Baby needs you more and FWIW I got a medical assistant certification (graduated with honors and perfect attendance when I was 17) but couldn't find a job anywhere. I did start geting calls when I was 8 months pregnant







At this point I feel so rusty on the knowledge part (I'm good on skills, I can still do veinipuncture, injections, vitals easy!) I wouldn't feel comfortable taking a job in the feild I trained and paid to be in.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
I went to college for only one year -- I couldn't afford it, and now my bill is in collections.







It's really ruined my appetite for any sort of higher education. I might go back, someday.

I know how you feel I'm very annoyed with how much effort I put into going to school only to find employers wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
i feel old for a reason today, but i ask dh how old he is and he makes me feel better :nana:

i want to go back to school, but DS is too young and I want to have another baby. we're TTC'ing at the moment and so far...

















and baby







!!! And why do you feel old today? I hope when you're ready you can pursue school if you're still interested!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
DH is going back to school (just started classes this week). He got a BA in film. Now he's in pre-med. So (if all goes well and he gets accepted to med school) we'll have a crazy life in 2 years. I'm nervous, but kind of excited too. I'm also really excited to know that the medical world will have one more doctor supporting of NFL.

















: My fingers are crossed that everything will work out!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
I'm considering going into school for midwifery, but I dunno. I just had my daughter (she's 6 weeks) an I want another kid, and midwifery is 4 years. I don't know if I can take off for a year in the middle of the program to have another kid, either, hence my difficulty.

I need to decide SOON though, application deadline is Feb 1st.

What about doing some birth work? Like childbirth education, post partum doula, or help with breastfeeding. One of the biggest things I midwifes needs to do is get her face/name out there. I think Doulas/CBEs that transition to midwifery have a little bit ahead of those who go straight to midwifery. I'm jumping straight for midwifery! And I hope to have 2 more kids before I have my own practice.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
I finish the Ontario Midwifery Education Programme (MEP) in 11 weeks! I will be a registered midwife, and I am so excited!









:







: That's so exciting I hope the next 11 weeks fly by!


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hollyvangogh* 
No! Come to Alberta! Midwives will be covered come April, but we don't have nearly enough of them!!! Please?!







:









My friend who's training at the same practice as me is starting in Alberta in April! She'll be in the Canmore/Banff area. We may end up moving sometime.... but I love BC!


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## Mal85 (Sep 3, 2008)

Hello all! I'm new in this tribe. I just turned 23 and am due with my first at the end of next month. Just a quick intro... I've been married to my husband for 3 1/2 years, and I've done everything young so I don't think this pregnancy was a big shock to anyone. I was 19 when I got married and most assume I must have been pregnant to get married so young. But nope, just in love with my husband.

As for school... we were hoping to time this first baby to be due after I graduate, but she is coming a little earlier than planned. I will 'graduate' this May. Technically I won't be done yet, I'll walk with my class then I have two online classes to take over the summer before I get my diploma. I'm a little anxious about having the baby mid-semester and going right back to school. I'm taking a full load, 15 credit hours and will be at school most of the day 3 days a week. I have a very family-friendly program though, my degree is in Child and Family Development. So, most of my professors have been great about the pregnancy and are very excited about the birth. Once I graduate in May, I'll be starting my in-home daycare which I could not be more excited about! All of it can be a little overwhelming... I'm still feel (and look) much younger than I am. I'm bringing this babe into the world while my life is still pretty hectic trying to finish up school. And I'm going straight from full-time student to business owner (while still finishing up my online classes to get my diploma). I've never been one to do things the easy way though, so I can't see doing this any other way!

The only frustrating thing for me being a young mama-to-be is not necessarily my age. I am the youngest of 6 children myself, and I am pretty far behind my siblings in age. So, I get a lot of negativity from family members in that I don't really know what I'm doing. They all think I'm going to have this baby and change my mind on all the decisions I've made so far... one being her name (Owyn), another being our choice to use cloth diapers (it'll just be too hard for me), and pretty much everything AP that I've discussed (I'm going to spoil my child and make it too hard for myself). I try not to let it get to me, I know myself and what I'm capable of and they'll just have to see it for themselves before they believe me.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
I finish the Ontario Midwifery Education Programme (MEP) in 11 weeks! I will be a registered midwife, and I am so excited! I have worked so hard for the last 4 years, I started when dd1 was just 1. I will be about 24 weeks into pregnancy #3 when I graduate. We are considering moving out west (British Columbia) for me to get a job. It is going to change our financial picture so much, we will be able to choose an alternative school for our daughters, eat all organic food, travel, and save money for building our straw bale house. We have been struggling with bills for 4 years while I trucked through the program, and it has been very stressful for our family. I know it will be worth it, and dh and I have been committed to this future for so long... it's almost here!









Congrats! That's amazing.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
I finish the Ontario Midwifery Education Programme (MEP) in 11 weeks! I will be a registered midwife, and I am so excited! I have worked so hard for the last 4 years, I started when dd1 was just 1. I will be about 24 weeks into pregnancy #3 when I graduate. We are considering moving out west (British Columbia) for me to get a job. It is going to change our financial picture so much, we will be able to choose an alternative school for our daughters, eat all organic food, travel, and save money for building our straw bale house. We have been struggling with bills for 4 years while I trucked through the program, and it has been very stressful for our family. I know it will be worth it, and dh and I have been committed to this future for so long... it's almost here!









I have questions for you, then!
Can you take time out of the program when you have kids? Do you pay tuition fees while you're doing your clinic hours? If so, how much does it cost for the out-of-school stuff?

This is what's keeping me from applying- I want more kids, but don't know how to have kids while I'm in school because I know I'll need some time off at least for breastfeeding and all that. If I can't take a few months out at LEAST then I can't have kids for 4 years which seems totally wrong.

I have a B.A in Philosophy already so I'm hoping some of my credits will transfer so I can spend some less time on the book-learning stuff, but we'll see.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
What about doing some birth work? Like childbirth education, post partum doula, or help with breastfeeding. One of the biggest things I midwifes needs to do is get her face/name out there. I think Doulas/CBEs that transition to midwifery have a little bit ahead of those who go straight to midwifery. I'm jumping straight for midwifery! And I hope to have 2 more kids before I have my own practice.

I've thought about it, but it seems like mroe time and money in something I don't REALLY want to do. Plus where we live now is not where I want to stay, so once we move in a few years (6+ hrs away, closer to my family) any face/name promotion I'd've done would be lost. No one would know me, unless I'm either FABULOUSLY good or really terrible, lol


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
I have questions for you, then!
Can you take time out of the program when you have kids? Do you pay tuition fees while you're doing your clinic hours? If so, how much does it cost for the out-of-school stuff?

This is what's keeping me from applying- I want more kids, but don't know how to have kids while I'm in school because I know I'll need some time off at least for breastfeeding and all that. If I can't take a few months out at LEAST then I can't have kids for 4 years which seems totally wrong.

I have a B.A in Philosophy already so I'm hoping some of my credits will transfer so I can spend some less time on the book-learning stuff, but we'll see.

Some of your credits would very likely transfer, so your first 1.5-2 years of school (classes) would be a little lighter because you wouldn't have to take "electives". I didn't have a previous degree and had more than full-time classes (6 classes and 3 labs in first year).

You can take up to a year "leave of absence" from the programme, without penalty, or special exams when you come back etc. The thing is, once you are in the clinical placements that they only run once a year so you sort of have to take the full year off and wait for the next round of that particular placement, even if you may have been ready to come back earlier.

I chose to have my dd2 while I was still in the academic part of the programme. I went back to school about a week after she was born, but brought her with me in the sling to every single class. I did 2 summer classes right before she was born so I had only 3 classes that term. I went "on-call" and started my 2.5 years of placements when she was 5 months old. Difficult, but not impossible. However, it would have been impossible if my dh wasn't 100% supportive and willing to be a very loving and attached papa to dd2 during that time. I pumped during clinic, but not at births (unless they were SUPER long, pretty rare).

And yes, you have to pay tuition all the way through.







: It's terrible, and the programme is currently looking at ways to help students out a little more. It's challenging because you can't work, even part-time, when you're on-call. And if your dh/dp becomes the SAHP, they can't work either! We made it work though, with only student loans, scholarships and a credit line from the bank.

If you have any more questions, let me know! I remember being in your shoes and asking anyone I could for any info they might have!!


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mal85* 
Hello all! ... I was 19 when I got married ...a very family-friendly program though, my degree is in Child and Family Development. ... I am the youngest of 6 children myself,

You're at BYU, aren't you!?


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 







and baby







!!! And why do you feel old today? I hope when you're ready you can pursue school if you're still interested!

Send all the baby dust you can my way







:
i don't know why i feel old, it may be the fact that DH is 37(about to turn 38) and all of ours friends are his age or older??? I dont have a lot of contact with other people my age. Except for my childhood friends that visit me often, but they're stufying and they all live in Boulder(Co). But it's nice becuase i don't feel that i have a lot on common with other 20 year olds







.
When I moved to Phoenix all my classmates thought i was weird, it was hard for me to get used to a new city...


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
Send all the baby dust you can my way







:

It's all yours mama







:! I don't need any right now, as much as we want more I've got to wait at least a year. I'll







: when you get a BFP!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
i don't know why i feel old, it may be the fact that DH is 37(about to turn 38) and all of ours friends are his age or older??? I dont have a lot of contact with other people my age. Except for my childhood friends that visit me often, but they're stufying and they all live in Boulder(Co). But it's nice becuase i don't feel that i have a lot on common with other 20 year olds







.
When I moved to Phoenix all my classmates thought i was weird, it was hard for me to get used to a new city...

even more







And Happy early birthday to your DH. I can relate to how you feel. It's nice to have this tribe where we can feel more normal. I think this is quite a lovely group







I feel old too I hear people say "I'm 22" and I think "holy geez you're a youngin'!"


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Hi ladies! Is it too late to join this thread? I am 24, married for 4 years and DS1 is 3 1/2, DS2 is 21 months.

It is so hard in my area to make friends as a young mom, I didn't realize society had so many negative views on us. =/


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## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wsgrl84* 
Hi ladies! Is it too late to join this thread? I am 24, married for 4 years and DS1 is 3 1/2, DS2 is 21 months.

It is so hard in my area to make friends as a young mom, I didn't realize society had so many negative views on us. =/

Welcome! It is tough. I try not to feel the bad vibes and be really proud of my mama-hood. I speak positively about my experience and my family to try and show people that maybe it's not always like the stereotype. I love my growing family!


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wsgrl84* 
Hi ladies! Is it too late to join this thread? I am 24, married for 4 years and DS1 is 3 1/2, DS2 is 21 months.

It is so hard in my area to make friends as a young mom, I didn't realize society had so many negative views on us. =/

Never too late!
I knew it would be tough when I found out I was preg (that was part of my few weeks of depression after I found out- definitely wasn't planned, and I wasn't ready! Now I'm totally content though


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
If you have any more questions, let me know! I remember being in your shoes and asking anyone I could for any info they might have!!









thanks for the help! Any info at all is welcome at this point.
I don't think I'm applying this year since the deadline is Feb 1st and I have none of my paper work in place and I need to write an essay on why I think I'd be a good midwife, etc, and I'm stuck.

I'm at that stage where i'm excited enough about the idea to get kind of scared! You know that feeling? Where it seems so perfect that you almost don't want to try in case you fail or it goes wrong or whatever so you're scared to even begin.

I also have trouble with the idea of going back to school since I'm still paying off a degree that I wish I never got, so I'm just accumulating more debt. And then what if I decide to be a SAHM? Should I wait until I'm done having kids and they're in school before I look into the program?

Ugh, so hard to decide!


----------



## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Who wants to see my bean?

http://i486.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/Jan08001.jpg

Measuring 12 weeks yesterday with a heartbeat of about 170 bpm.


----------



## chely7425 (Aug 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Who wants to see my bean?

http://i486.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/Jan08001.jpg

Measuring 12 weeks yesterday with a heartbeat of about 170 bpm.









What a cute bean!!!! Congratulations







How is everyone adjusting to the news of the pregnancy? Does anyone besides you 3 know yet? I know you had said before that none of your parents really know about the relationship and stuff... I bet you are so excited though!!!


----------



## Healthy_Baby (Sep 15, 2007)

happily married, 21yo, SAHM - to one 12mo (and one on the way next fall).

you wouldn't believe the looks i got when i said we were planning a homebirth - i could tell they thought i was SO naive!







and couldn't possibly have any idea what i would be putting myself through.

i think i showed them when i had an awesome birth and ::GASP::







"didn't even tear!!??"


----------



## taylor (Apr 4, 2006)

People can't believe me when I tell them about my HBAC. And then I go on to tell them how less painful my homebirth was compared to my whole ordeal at the hospital that ended in c-section and they don't believe me. I mean it! It hurt like HELL!


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Who wants to see my bean?

http://i486.photobucket.com/albums/r...s/Jan08001.jpg

Measuring 12 weeks yesterday with a heartbeat of about 170 bpm.









Sweet baby!







How are you feeling about pregnancy/babe these days? (I am in your DDC).


----------



## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

welcome wsgrl84!!


----------



## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Yay what a cutie bean!!


----------



## willow444 (Jan 6, 2009)

hey mamas! I belong in this tribe! I am 25 but my son was born when I was 22. My DP is older though.

W







:


----------



## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
It's all yours mama







:! I don't need any right now, as much as we want more I've got to wait at least a year. I'll







: when you get a BFP!
even more







And Happy early birthday to your DH. I can relate to how you feel. It's nice to have this tribe where we can feel more normal. I think this is quite a lovely group







I feel old too I hear people say "I'm 22" and I think "holy geez you're a youngin'!"









receiving the baby dust mamma







: we'll keep trying and trying and trying...
i may have the weirdest and most irregular cycle, but we'll get the good news this year








Dont remind him of his birthday lol i tease him about it, that he's near 40







All my mamma friends are over 30. I see other 20 year olds and i'm like " i look older!" but then I think "i look maternal" and i dont look old at all, i think.


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## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

I belong here. I have DS when I was 17; I'm now 22. I left my ex-husband over a year ago. I soon after met SO and we are expecting his first 8/21/09! Totally unexpected, but more that welcomed. SO is 20, he is the first younger man I've ever been with; after being with older, younger is the wtg. lol

Im anxious to make new friends with the same beliefs when it comes to birthing and parenting. Although my best friends are young mamas, they are typical American in regards to their birthing/parenting practices.

Myspaces? Ljs? Facebook? Gmail? HOLLA! lol


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChichosMama* 
I belong here. I have DS when I was 17; I'm now 22. I left my ex-husband over a year ago. I soon after met SO and we are expecting his first 8/21/09! Totally unexpected, but more that welcomed. SO is 20, he is the first younger man I've ever been with; after being with older, younger is the wtg. lol

Im anxious to make new friends with the same beliefs when it comes to birthing and parenting. Although my best friends are young mamas, they are typical American in regards to their birthing/parenting practices.

Myspaces? Ljs? Facebook? Gmail? HOLLA! lol

You look pretty in your picture!!

I have facebook if you want to add me, PM me and I'll give you my name on there.


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## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Very cute bean!
And Welcome Chico

Speaking of beans... anyone else want another baby soonish? DH and I were talking and were thinking of TTC in the next 5-10 months (I know, big window, we're going to wait until it "feels right" but somewhere in that window anyway). Our baby is 6 weeks old today







:

I kinda want to be preg now but I want to enjoy my current LO, I want to be around without morning sickness and exhaustion for at least the first little while, and I know that pregnancy and breastfeeding often don't go together all that well.

Part of the issue is- DH is pressuring me already to go back to work when my mat leave is up next year (it ends Dec 1st). I don't WANT to work, I want to be a SAHM. We can afford for me to stay home, it'll just mean less eating out and "fun buys" than before. If we have another kid, I don't have to work as soon.

Also health issues, and going to school for midwifery (not sure about taking a year off in the middle, and we don't have money for school right now so it'll have to wait at least 1 more year anyway- why not make that year a year where we have a baby?)

I'm still not really decided on it, and am feeling unsupported and underappreciated by DH, but I also LOVED being preg and love babies and want more kids anyway.

Oy, what a mess my life is.


----------



## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wsgrl84* 
You look pretty in your picture!!

I have facebook if you want to add me, PM me and I'll give you my name on there.

ty. done.


----------



## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
Very cute bean!
And Welcome Chico

Speaking of beans... anyone else want another baby soonish? DH and I were talking and were thinking of TTC in the next 5-10 months (I know, big window, we're going to wait until it "feels right" but somewhere in that window anyway). Our baby is 6 weeks old today







:

I kinda want to be preg now but I want to enjoy my current LO, I want to be around without morning sickness and exhaustion for at least the first little while, and I know that pregnancy and breastfeeding often don't go together all that well.

Part of the issue is- DH is pressuring me already to go back to work when my mat leave is up next year (it ends Dec 1st). I don't WANT to work, I want to be a SAHM. We can afford for me to stay home, it'll just mean less eating out and "fun buys" than before. If we have another kid, I don't have to work as soon.

Also health issues, and going to school for midwifery (not sure about taking a year off in the middle, and we don't have money for school right now so it'll have to wait at least 1 more year anyway- why not make that year a year where we have a baby?)

I'm still not really decided on it, and am feeling unsupported and underappreciated by DH, but I also LOVED being preg and love babies and want more kids anyway.

Oy, what a mess my life is.


YAY on your bebe! I can't wait for mine! lol

I would suggest clearly communicating your feelings with DH. What is your profession? Is this your first bebe? Has your DH considred cost of QUALITY childcare/nanny??? Esp. if you guys want to TTC within the year? I feel you, I was a SAHM for a long time, then a student, then went back to work full-time. SO wants me to pick up a job bc he knows as a highly qualified nanny I can make good money. But I'm not down unless its PT or FT in my home. Once bebe comes I am mos'def' not working. I made such things clear to him when we met; I want to educate myself and be at home with my bebes, thats it. Talking effectively is KEY. Boys often suck at it, but if we lead by example it helps a lot.
HTH mama!







:


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

First time up and coming mom here! 21 years old (I'll be 22 when he's born)


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
Never too late!
I knew it would be tough when I found out I was preg (that was part of my few weeks of depression after I found out- definitely wasn't planned, and I wasn't ready! Now I'm totally content though










I am finally content too...nothing can change the way I feel about my boys.

Think about...when our kids are 21...we will only be 40...


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
Oy, what a mess my life is.
















Sorry you're feeling frustrated right now. It sucks that you're feeling pressured and not appreciated enough! Every mama of a 6-week-old should be treated like the goddess that they are. Seriously.









It will all happen as it's meant to, I promise.


----------



## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blissful_maia* 
Sweet baby!







How are you feeling about pregnancy/babe these days? (I am in your DDC).









Thanks.







Physically, I'm still feeling pretty awful -- I haven't been able to keep my breakfasts down the last few days. I still haven't told my parents and I'm under enough stress to kill a small elephant.









But otherwise... feeling okay.







How about you?


----------



## Astraia (Jan 1, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Thanks.







Physically, I'm still feeling pretty awful -- I haven't been able to keep my breakfasts down the last few days. I still haven't told my parents and I'm under enough stress to kill a small elephant.









But otherwise... feeling okay.







How about you?


When were you thinking of telling your parents?
I was so relieved when I went home to visit at 8 weeks preg and my mom guessed that I was pregnant. I was kind of nervous of their reaction, for some reason- I mean, I was married n' all that- but I think cuz I hadn't planned it I figured they'd be mad at me, lol.


----------



## blissful_maia (Feb 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Thanks.







Physically, I'm still feeling pretty awful -- I haven't been able to keep my breakfasts down the last few days. I still haven't told my parents and I'm under enough stress to kill a small elephant.









But otherwise... feeling okay.







How about you?

I'm sorry you're still feeling crummy.







I totally remember with dd1 I waited until like 13-14 weeks (when I started having a little rounder belly) and until then I had the weight of the WORLD on my shoulders. So, so stressful. As soon as I told them, even though they weren't very pleased, I felt a million times better and like I could actually enjoy my pregnancy.

I am feeling great! Not so tired, today I ran lots of errands and I cleaned the carpet on my stairs and all our area rugs. So I feel productive. dh and I are about to lay down and watch a movie and relax.


----------



## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

I agree on how relieving it can be to just tell your parents. I didn't tell mine until I was out of my first trimester, and even though my parents took it really bad, at least I knew their reaction. I no longer had to worry what it would be; I just had to work on getting through it.








: to Serenekitten


----------



## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
All my mamma friends are over 30. I see other 20 year olds and i'm like " i look older!" but then I think "i look maternal" and i dont look old at all, i think.

I hear you one the looking maternal front. I've never looked my age, I look almost the same as I did when I was 15 except more stretch marks, different hair. Even when I was a kid I was reffered to as motherly.







Ah well I'll take it!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChichosMama* 
I belong here.

What a journey you've been on! And congrats on the new bean!! PM me I have facebook and myspace.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
Speaking of beans... anyone else want another baby soonish? DH and I were talking and were thinking of TTC in the next 5-10 months (I know, big window, we're going to wait until it "feels right" but somewhere in that window anyway). Our baby is 6 weeks old today







:

I so want more! I want 2 more. I was one more then I convinced DH that 2 more would be good. I'll jsut see where the road takes us! We've been quite lazy about preventing but no bean as of yet and I will not allow (as long as condoms work) another bean to happen any time in the next 3 months. Another december babe makes me







:







just thinking about it. We really want to hold off for at least another year-year and half.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astraia* 
I kinda want to be preg now but I want to enjoy my current LO, I want to be around without morning sickness and exhaustion for at least the first little while, and I know that pregnancy and breastfeeding often don't go together all that well.

Part of the issue is- DH is pressuring me already to go back to work when my mat leave is up next year (it ends Dec 1st). I don't WANT to work, I want to be a SAHM. We can afford for me to stay home, it'll just mean less eating out and "fun buys" than before. If we have another kid, I don't have to work as soon.

Also health issues, and going to school for midwifery (not sure about taking a year off in the middle, and we don't have money for school right now so it'll have to wait at least 1 more year anyway- why not make that year a year where we have a baby?)

I'm still not really decided on it, and am feeling unsupported and underappreciated by DH, but I also LOVED being preg and love babies and want more kids anyway.

Oy, what a mess my life is.









!!! Enjoy LO as long as possible, I realized yesterday when DH and I were having a baby talk if we tried in May our next little one would have the same age gap the boys share. He is still so little!!!! And you're six weeks out my goodness mama, this right now should be the most stress free time post partum. If I had it my way all mamas would have the optiono f staying in bed and doing nother but enjoying their expanded family for 6-8weeks. Lots of good vibes that things that things work out. I hope you keep us updated!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Thanks.







Physically, I'm still feeling pretty awful -- I haven't been able to keep my breakfasts down the last few days. I still haven't told my parents and I'm under enough stress to kill a small elephant.

















I hope the sickness subsides quickly as well as the stress. FWIW With my first I couldn't tell my mom, no words would come out so I handed her the + pregnancy test. She got it, the next time I texted her. Telling my mom scares the boogers out of me, no matter how supportive she is I still panic. I hope it goes smoothly when you break the news!


----------



## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Okay, I'm having a bad day. I just thought some of you might be able to related to this. I love love love my kid. And I love being a mama and a homemaker. And I'm mostly happy with my life. It's not like I wish I wasn't a young mama. It's just I wish I could take a break from it. It's not even the kid part. I love that part. It's the money. I just really wish I had had more time where I didn't have all the financial strain having a kid entails. I just wish I could buy a book or go out to eat with friends or even just jump on a bus instead of walking or turn up the heat a little bit without worrying about the money. It's like every other twenty-something is complaining about how broke they are while they are going to bars every weekend. We've ate at a restaurant ONCE in the last year. And like even when we went, it wasn't like I still wasn't a mama planning the entire trip around her sleep and nursing schedule and worrying about her and waiting for a phone call from my mother who was babysitting her. I've never even gone to a bar because I had her before I was old enough to drink. And maybe it would have been nice to have tried going barhopping once. I mean, of course I love having my kid more than I want to do any of those things. It's just sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to have a more normal youth.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Sorry you're having such a rough time. I wonder what my life would be like had the boys not come along when they did but it wouldn't be worth it. The money we've spent on them would have been wasted on something else, something meaningless more than likely. Life would be easier, but hindsight is 20/20 there's a lot I would change if I went back but it makes me a better person today. If you lived close to me I'd say lets have a girls night in, leave the daddy's with the babies, watch movies, gab. That's my favorite kind of party.









For what it's worth my Dh's best friend told him he envies him, that my DH is his hero. All because he has a wife and kids to come home to. I was shocked, his best friend had the typical life, went to a very good college, got to have employers fly him around the country interviewing him when he finished, got to relocate and make big bucks at entry level, but it's sounds like he would have traded it all to have the love my husband has.


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
Okay, I'm having a bad day. I just thought some of you might be able to related to this. I love love love my kid. And I love being a mama and a homemaker. And I'm mostly happy with my life. It's not like I wish I wasn't a young mama. It's just I wish I could take a break from it. It's not even the kid part. I love that part. It's the money. I just really wish I had had more time where I didn't have all the financial strain having a kid entails. I just wish I could buy a book or go out to eat with friends or even just jump on a bus instead of walking or turn up the heat a little bit without worrying about the money. It's like every other twenty-something is complaining about how broke they are while they are going to bars every weekend. We've ate at a restaurant ONCE in the last year. And like even when we went, it wasn't like I still wasn't a mama planning the entire trip around her sleep and nursing schedule and worrying about her and waiting for a phone call from my mother who was babysitting her. I've never even gone to a bar because I had her before I was old enough to drink. And maybe it would have been nice to have tried going barhopping once. I mean, of course I love having my kid more than I want to do any of those things. It's just sometimes I wish I had the opportunity to have a more normal youth.

I understand how you feel...

Last year I met some new moms(in their 30's) who liked to go out at night more than stay home with the family, and we eventually ended that friendship. I went out with them a few times and it just did not seem comfortable to me anymore. It felt strange, like shouldn't I be home? And my husband actually "missed" me. And I realized the grass is not always greener on the other side.


----------



## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

just dropping in to say hi. its been a rough week. found out i was pg. 3 days later i found out i was having a miscarriage. told the doctor and he asked if i had had an abortion. then said if i did it was probably a good idea. he's lucky he's still breathing.

sorry its been a rough week. i was going to post this else where but i felt like it was something that you guys would understand from my perspective yk?


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
just dropping in to say hi. its been a rough week. found out i was pg. 3 days later i found out i was having a miscarriage. told the doctor and he asked if i had had an abortion. then said if i did it was probably a good idea. he's lucky he's still breathing.

sorry its been a rough week. i was going to post this else where but i felt like it was something that you guys would understand from my perspective yk?

That's such a rude thing to say to any female. I am sorry you had to hear that.









I would switch doctors if I were you and tell him that you are going to switch doctors.

This is why after becoming a mom, I am so sick of people in general. I actually enjoy being by myself and my family now, because I am just tired of rude immature people.







:


----------



## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

you live in MD!! i live in fairfax, va, we moved from owings mills, md at the end of oct. and i grew up in frederick









i hear ya on the mom thing. i'm a hermit. i never was before i became a mom. but now i am.







people get on my nerves. i like MDC way better. since.. ya know.. we're wayyy better then people.


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
you live in MD!! i live in fairfax, va, we moved from owings mills, md at the end of oct. and i grew up in frederick









i hear ya on the mom thing. i'm a hermit. i never was before i became a mom. but now i am.







people get on my nerves. i like MDC way better. since.. ya know.. we're wayyy better then people.









yay maryland!! thats awesome, I went to frederick memorial for my 2 births, loved it there. I was close to buying a new place there but too far for DH commute.


----------



## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
you live in MD!! i live in fairfax, va, we moved from owings mills, md at the end of oct. and i grew up in frederick









i hear ya on the mom thing. i'm a hermit. i never was before i became a mom. but now i am.







people get on my nerves. i like MDC way better. since.. ya know.. we're wayyy better then people.










I agree on mdc, people here are very respectful and nice. MDC and facebook is all I need!







:


----------



## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
just dropping in to say hi. its been a rough week. found out i was pg. 3 days later i found out i was having a miscarriage. told the doctor and he asked if i had had an abortion. then said if i did it was probably a good idea. he's lucky he's still breathing.

sorry its been a rough week. i was going to post this else where but i felt like it was something that you guys would understand from my perspective yk?

That's just disgusting behavior!







Lots of healing vibes, so sorry for your loss


----------



## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
just dropping in to say hi. its been a rough week. found out i was pg. 3 days later i found out i was having a miscarriage. told the doctor and he asked if i had had an abortion. then said if i did it was probably a good idea. he's lucky he's still breathing.

sorry its been a rough week. i was going to post this else where but i felt like it was something that you guys would understand from my perspective yk?

Definitely time for a new doctor.







I am so sorry for your loss. And so sorry that some idiot doctor acted like that.


----------



## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

thanks ladies







i am sad but i also think it would have been really hard on me to be pg right now. but jeez that doesn't mean we wouldn't have figured it out yk? we managed to keep the one we have got alive for almost a whole year now. we would have just made a few more sacrifices if we needed to. he was a jerk. i said that if i had had an abortion i wouldn't be here asking wth was going on now would i?









i am one of those people who don't think babies are expensive. i just don't think they need that much. we would reuse the cloth dipes DS used and we would use his bucket seat since we switched him to a rear facing convertible seat. we would need some newborn sleepers and such. thats about it. what else do they need? he acted like we would be financially incapable of caring for a baby.


----------



## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
i am one of those people who don't think babies are expensive. i just don't think they need that much. we would reuse the cloth dipes DS used and we would use his bucket seat since we switched him to a rear facing convertible seat. we would need some newborn sleepers and such. thats about it. what else do they need? he acted like we would be financially incapable of caring for a baby.









If there was one thing I could tell any younger pregnant person, it would be that a baby isn't as expensive as people tell you. Like, when I talked to adoption agencies and the like, they made it sound like I'd have to spend at least $10,000 for the first year alone on a baby and made ridiculous claims like that I should go through the prices of all the things Babies R Us recommends you put on your baby registry to get a sense of how expensive children are. I have yet to meet any woman - even older and more financially stable mamas - who've spent that much.


----------



## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
thanks ladies







i am sad but i also think it would have been really hard on me to be pg right now. but jeez that doesn't mean we wouldn't have figured it out yk? we managed to keep the one we have got alive for almost a whole year now. we would have just made a few more sacrifices if we needed to. he was a jerk. i said that if i had had an abortion i wouldn't be here asking wth was going on now would i?









i am one of those people who don't think babies are expensive. i just don't think they need that much. we would reuse the cloth dipes DS used and we would use his bucket seat since we switched him to a rear facing convertible seat. we would need some newborn sleepers and such. thats about it. what else do they need? he acted like we would be financially incapable of caring for a baby.

What a FF.







to you. I had a loss in '07 and everyone was like its better this way. uhhh wtf? However, looking back God did know what he was doing(DH is now exH), but it was and still is painful.
ITA with bebes being cheap. Breasts and cloth diapers make life easy and cheap. Plus Im a master at getting free stuff on CL/FC and being blessed by people. But when they hit Preschool age they get spendy. =(


----------



## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ChichosMama* 
ITA with bebes being cheap. Breasts and cloth diapers make life easy and cheap. Plus Im a master at getting free stuff on CL/FC and being blessed by people. But when they hit Preschool age they get spendy. =(

I was going to say the same thing (and







for your loss in '07







) I swear I'm having to buy DS1 a new waredrobe every 3 months, and he can eat like there's no tomorrow. I fear the $$ of the teenage years just for food alone.
















10k on a normal baby is insane, DS2 was mostly my midwife's fee (reimebursed half by insurance), cloth diapers (one size pockets), a new carrier, new swing, and double stroller. Didn't cost much!


----------



## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

I need to check this thread more often! I didn't realize how many young moms were on here!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mal85* 
Hello all! I'm new in this tribe. I just turned 23 and am due with my first at the end of next month.

I've never been one to do things the easy way though, so I can't see doing this any other way!

We sound like twins! I'm also 23, and due with my first at the end of March. I graduated college young, I married young, and I planned this baby young! But no complaints here. I love my life. PM me if you ever want to chat!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
i want to go to law school, but im not sure. i dont want to worry about it right know though.

I was in law school last year, but switched majors to early education specifically so we could start our family now. I knew going to law school while pregnant/nursing would be ridiculous, and early education is a cake walk compared to law! But if you ever decide you want to go, and have any questions, let me know!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
It's the money.

I so understand that dilemma. I can't stand hanging out with people my own age for the same reason. Most are college students who don't even know how much life really costs. I'm sorry your day was so bad. I hope you're feeling better.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
just dropping in to say hi. its been a rough week. found out i was pg. 3 days later i found out i was having a miscarriage. told the doctor and he asked if i had had an abortion. then said if i did it was probably a good idea. he's lucky he's still breathing.

sorry its been a rough week. i was going to post this else where but i felt like it was something that you guys would understand from my perspective yk?

You're in my thoughts and prayers. I've had two miscarriages, and they were the worst times in my life. And I was also treated badly by a doctor during one of them. What gives them the right!? I hope you're feeling better, and I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------



## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Jennie!!! Yay! Sorry, I haven't seen you around. Welcome to the tribe!

Kas


----------



## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Hi everyone!! I haven't been on for a bit.. I've been busy with DD's 1st birthday! She just turned 1 a week ago so we had to plan the party and all that jazz, which, I might add, I could've completely done without!

For all the pregnant ladies, I hope everything is going well and that you are all staying positive and healthy. Serenekitten, what a cute little bean!

1Littlebit, I'm so sorry and I'm sending all sorts of good and healing vibes your way.







: And your Dr. should have his license revoked! There is certainly more to being a medical *professional* than just knowing anatomy and physiology. There is such a thing as being supportive and tactful in your practice, maybe he missed that class in school.









To catch up on all the back thread - I am in school, I'm getting my ASN right now. I'm going part time, only 2-3 hours a day 3 days a week. If I stay on top of my assignments (which doesn't always happen, time and a fussy baby can certainly be factors), I find it isn't too hard, and I like the chance to be around adults, even if I feel like I'm 20 years older than all of them.
Nursing isn't where my heart lies but dh really wants me to go. It's important to me to have an education, and I like the idea of having it to fall back on, but there is a natural health correspondance school I could enroll in, and I could learn what I WANT to learn while still being home with Raelyn FT. My dream is to become a Doctor of Natural Health specializing in natural and energy healing. I want to open my own holistic health center... sigh. Maybe once I graduate from nursing school in May '11. DH's thought is that I'm "young" enough to do both and this takes priority because it's a guaranteed pay check (and can finance my "other" education) Well, until then, I'll keep dreaming.

And I have a facebook and myspace!! My facebook is under "Carolyn Gleason" and my myspace is http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endID=43413613 Or if you feel more comfortable, send me your stuff on PM and I'll add you. Can't wait to talk to you guys there!


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

I am on facebook too if anyone wants to add me...full name is Ruonan Huang but call me Nonny for short.

my myspace is www.myspace.com/wsgirl84


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Does anyone ever feel like people roll their eyes at your crunchy choices because of your age?

I know my mom has said more than once, "We'll see how long that lasts." or "Just wait until X happens." It makes me feel like she thinks I'm too young and acting rash or something.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Does anyone ever feel like people roll their eyes at your crunchy choices because of your age?

I know my mom has said more than once, "We'll see how long that lasts." or "Just wait until X happens." It makes me feel like she thinks I'm too young and acting rash or something.


Definitely ! You said it! I "love" it when people pass judgment on me before getting to know me, it's one my biggest pet peeves.
Then they turn amazed when they start questioning my boys or rather "testing" them to see if they know their body parts or their name or age etc etc... and then they turn totally surprised at how "smart" my boys are.









It is also one of many reason why me and my mom don't get along anymore, i think I completely dislike her now.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Wsgrl, that's so sad about you and your mother. I think my crunchier choices have gone over better partially because I'm a younger mama. I think a lot of criticism from parents come because they feel like us parenting different is a criticism about their parenting. But being a young mother and my mother's first children being twins, we've just parented in very different circumstances (she had her first kid at 32, it was planned, she was married, she was a lawyer and continued to WOH, etc...), so naturally we parent differently.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
Wsgrl, that's so sad about you and your mother. I think my crunchier choices have gone over better partially because I'm a younger mama. I think a lot of criticism from parents come because they feel like us parenting different is a criticism about their parenting. But being a young mother and my mother's first children being twins, we've just parented in very different circumstances (she had her first kid at 32, it was planned, she was married, she was a lawyer and continued to WOH, etc...), so naturally we parent differently.


My mom had me at around 25 and had my brother 13 years later. I've always had a feeling my parents liked boys a lot more. The funny thing is, my mom is a stay home mom too taking my brother to school and dropping him off. She had a part time job while I was in high school. She always wanted me to be those independent women with higher degrees, who don't answer to men. I have a feeling she does not enjoy being a housewife herself. On the other hand, I personally do enjoy being at home, taking care of the house and my kids. I really can't imagine myself being a corporate leader etc and bossing people around. I wouldn't change my life for anything. A female can't be good at both, got to choose between the bossy beeyatch or the stay home wifey.


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## caylamac (Jan 18, 2009)

im 21 had dd when i was 20. i likve in wa.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Sorry it's been a long time since I posted, y'all probably forgot about me! Lol. My daughter will be 3 months next week- I can't believe it.

I just started WOH pt last week- I went back to my pre preg job of barista, "yay." It's purely for insurance purposes- I got kicked off of medicaid (but I'm making less now by alot... it appears to be a clerical error but now I have to re-apply!!!!














Fortunately, I only have to work 20< hrs to maintain insurance through work. But now I have to pump and be away from DD, all due to me needing asthma and depression meds. Sigh. At least she's staying with family when I'm at work...

I am so sick of
quote:"We'll see how long that lasts." or "Just wait until X happens."/:quote

It doesn't seem matter whether it's a "crunchy" idea or not. I think it bothers me most coming from the childless, mainly my "peers."

On a related note, I don't feel I have any real peers. I'm not close to anyone my age who has a kid. Or really anyone older... all our friends are too fun and fancy free. One couple has a house together but there are no kids in the future (of course neither did we this time last year!). I go to LLL but I missed the last two mths for a drs appt and then this month I got the date wrong. I wanted to join a new moms support group but it was a cost group... because support is totally a commodity.







:


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
Sorry it's been a long time since I posted, y'all probably forgot about me! Lol. My daughter will be 3 months next week- I can't believe it.

I just started WOH pt last week- I went back to my pre preg job of barista, "yay." It's purely for insurance purposes-[snip] At least she's staying with family when I'm at work...

I am so sick of
quote:"We'll see how long that lasts." or "Just wait until X happens."/:quote
On a related note, I don't feel I have any real peers. I'm not close to anyone my age who has a kid. [snip] I wanted to join a new moms support group but it was a cost group... because support is totally a commodity.







:









Happy 3 months!! Hope you're enjoying work, glad she's with family. DS1 has the most amazing bond with my mom because they spent so much time together his first year (she lived with us). I feel like you guys are my peers, but I don't have many IRL. It bugs me that you have to pay for a support group







, I can understand say bringing some food to share that's reasonable and understandable.

I got the we'll see how long that last thing when it comes to cloth diapers from MIL, here I am 3.5 years later still CDing, not the same child but nonetheless!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

AFWife said:


> "We'll see how long that lasts." or "Just wait until X happens." QUOTE]
> 
> I HATE that!! I think I get it for different reasons from different people. Like, with my MIL - it's totally about her thinking her way is the best way and I'm crazy. Like, for example, I was never going to be able to have DD naturally or breastfeed, and co sleeping was just about the wrongest thing I could ever do and I needed to put her in a crib to cry it out, etc. etc.
> 
> ...


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## bambolina (Jan 13, 2009)

hey mamas! i know i'm late joining this thread, but i'm so glad i have found it! i'm 22 and my daughter is 10 months. my situation is a little complicated right now, so i wasnt able to breastfeed or babywear for as long as i would have liked. we live with my parents, my dad is VERY old school conservative, my mom is a HUGE help to me and is more openminded. so there is a piece of my story. if anyone has any questions for me...just ask! its so refreshing to find other young mamas with similar beliefs!


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Welcome! Sorry you couldn't BF for as long as you'd like







but why weren't you able to continue to babywear?


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

bambolina and nursing mom, you both live with parents?

I thought it was just me-we live in FIL/MIL's basement. Probably until we die.


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## bambolina (Jan 13, 2009)

i have had chronic pain in my right foot for going on 7 years, therefore i compensate my walk alot which in turn caused ALOT of back and leg pain, especially during the end of my pregnancy. i had to take pain pills during the end of my pregnance, and afterward. when she was around 2 months, i had a week of A TON of stress and pain, which suppressed my milk production and i just couldnt keep up with her...plus she didnt BF very well to start with. plus i felt guilty having to take the pain pills and BFing, but my docs said it was ok. anyways....as for the babywearing, she got REALLLY BIG REALLY FAST. my back just couldnt take it. i realize now that i didnt have a good carrier to begin with, so i would like to find a good one to try again. DD has been teething pretty bad (her top right canine just popped through...her first tooth on the top!) so she has just wanted to be held lately, always on the hip! oh yah....did i mention she is 10 months, 24 lbs. and wears 18-24 month clothes!? so i've been looking at the mei tei style...anyone have any suggestions as to a comftorable style for big babies?


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## bambolina (Jan 13, 2009)

yah i have been with them for a year now, since i was still pregnant. i was living in NC with my soontobe exH when i decided to get a divorce for mine and my dd safety. i'm really blessed in that my parents have really been there for us, and help me out a ton. while we have different views on parenting, they respect my wishes for the most part. also my mom is a NICU nurse so she is a huge help. she supports my wishes to delay/select vaccines, use holistic measures, and feed dd organic. and my daughter just adores my mom, dad, and brother so i really couldn't ask for more!

p.s. sorry my posts are so long! its just soo nice to be able to get this out to like-minded people


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
bambolina and nursing mom, you both live with parents?

Not anymore, my mom lived with us for about a year starting the month before DS1 was born and leaving shortly after his first birthday. It's a long complicated story.











Quote:


Originally Posted by *bambolina* 
i have had chronic pain in my right foot for going on 7 years, therefore i compensate my walk alot which in turn caused ALOT of back and leg pain, especially during the end of my pregnancy. i had to take pain pills during the end of my pregnance, and afterward. when she was around 2 months, i had a week of A TON of stress and pain, which suppressed my milk production and i just couldnt keep up with her...plus she didnt BF very well to start with. plus i felt guilty having to take the pain pills and BFing, but my docs said it was ok. anyways....as for the babywearing, she got REALLLY BIG REALLY FAST. my back just couldnt take it. i realize now that i didnt have a good carrier to begin with, so i would like to find a good one to try again. DD has been teething pretty bad (her top right canine just popped through...her first tooth on the top!) so she has just wanted to be held lately, always on the hip! oh yah....did i mention she is 10 months, 24 lbs. and wears 18-24 month clothes!? so i've been looking at the mei tei style...anyone have any suggestions as to a comftorable style for big babies?

First of all big







, I'm so sorry things didn't work out. And babycarrier suggestions I love wraps, you'd have to get a woven at her weight but those are pricey(I've wanted one for years just never had the gets to blow $ that could go else where), and I LOVE my babyhawk but those are also pricey. Check out the babywearing boards they will probably have a ton more suggestions. She sounds just like my DS1. He was HUGE, still is. He's 3 years old, will be 3.5 in april and at that point I'll be buying him all 4/5 in the big boy section, all his 5T stuff seems to be shrinking.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bambolina* 
yah i have been with them for a year now, since i was still pregnant. i was living in NC with my soontobe exH when i decided to get a divorce for mine and my dd safety. i'm really blessed in that my parents have really been there for us, and help me out a ton. while we have different views on parenting, they respect my wishes for the most part. also my mom is a NICU nurse so she is a huge help. she supports my wishes to delay/select vaccines, use holistic measures, and feed dd organic. and my daughter just adores my mom, dad, and brother so i really couldn't ask for more!

p.s. sorry my posts are so long! its just soo nice to be able to get this out to like-minded people


That's awesome they're so supportive and good for you for getting yourself out of a bad situation, that rocks. I wouldn't worry about long posts haha look at mine they go on forever!


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

New question: Where did you see yourself at this age? Is it better or worse than you expected? Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Actually, DH has just about always lived with his parents, he had an apt over their home when we got together, and I moved in after I graduated when I was pregnant. My mom ended up getting a divorce and our too small apt got smaller! We lived there until a few months ago, when ex my step father moved out of their old home and the four of us all moved in, but she's never really around, just to watch the baby while I go to school, mostly. She's usually either working or with her boyfriend.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
New question: Where did you see yourself at this age? Is it better or worse than you expected? Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.

Wow! Good question. Well, I've always been very, very studious. Throughout highschool, I was a straight A student and very concerned about grades. I had the top schools picked out to apply to. I wanted to go to school for something with Spanish - be a translator maybe, or a teacher. That was my goal. I've known DH for years, he was a customer at my parents' restaurant where I waitressed. Always thought he was cute, but way too old for me (8 1/2 years!) but when I was 17 and he was 25, he asked me out for dinner and I said yes. We fell madly in love in just a few weeks and things were wonderful, and the age difference didn't matter. He was always such a sweet, nice, caring guy that my family didn't mind either. He was going to follow me to whichever college I chose.

Well, I guess long story short, we had a pregnancy scare about 6 months later and I was so upset. Everything I had dreamed of was about to fall apart. I took a test and it was negative and I was... absolutely devestated. I don't even know how to explain it. I hadn't wanted a child for several years, and I hadn't known for sure if I was pregnant or not. Now, I have never had an actual miscarriage, and I would never claim to know what that hurt feels like, but I believe that if I were, that's what it would have felt like for me. I realized how much I wanted a baby and how I was willing to sacrifice everything to have one. So we stopped using protection, figuring if it was meant to happen it would. I decided that it wasn't fair of me to ask DH to move to another city in another state and not be able to live with him, and that the colleges I was looking at would be way too hard if I did end up getting pregnant. So I chose a state school where I could live off campus and only applied there. Six months after we stopped using protection, I got pregnant. I don't know if I really expected it to happen, and I had mixed feelings when I did, like, what did I get myself in to? I think this is one of the first times I've told the real story, we tell most people she was an accident - as in accidently on purpose. Would I change it? No, never. Do I think I should've acted a heck of a lot smarter? *You betcha*. What I did _was_ naive and foolish. I was still in highschool when I got pregnant, fortunately I only had 3 months to go, but still. I don't agree now with how I acted but I am happy with the way my life worked out, having a child showed me how interested I was in natural living and alternative health care, which is the field I want to be in. Had I went through with the other school, I'd be a Spanish teacher, which I think is the wrong path for me. My daughter is the best present and future I could ever hope for. I know that no matter where my life takes me, it's better because of her, regardless of how I got here. So there's your answer, 289723 pages later. Sorry I always write such long posts too. I'm just a talker, I guess.


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## lilbsmama (Nov 18, 2008)

I'm in! I'm 22 w/a 14 mo. DS. I like to know I'm not the only young mama out there!







:


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
New question: *Where did you see yourself at this age?*

That would depend on what time of my life I'm looking from. When I was 12 Exactly where I wanted to be. When I was 17, not even close. I had just finished school for medical assisting and I always wanted to be in the medical feild so I wanted to become a nurse and eventually doctor. No one would hire me because of my lack of expierence I got discouraged, got married and got pregnant. DH told me he wanted to try during our honeymoon and I said why not







AF came and went and I made an appt for birth control, AF didn't come back and viola Tatum! Then I dealt with some really hard undiagnosed PTSD and PPD and don't remember much of his first year. I worked hard by myself to get out of it and when I made it through the fog we decided to try from #2, Tate got RSV so the first month without BC was a no go I was stuck in the hospital with a sick baby







next month on St. Patty's day we made baby 2 and then I birthed him naturally (such an important point in my life) and I came to my calling of midwifery! Life is pretty decent. Can't complain and I'm happier than I have ever been or ever expected to be.









*Is it better or worse than you expected?*

Better in love and family, worse in the money department. We're not broke just too many pointless debts (like tuition that went to nothing














.

*Is there anything you would change if you could?*

If I could change it I wouldn't be me, I might have talked DH out of getting credit cards or financing a computer but it is what it is. If I could have changed DS1's birth I would but again I wouldn't have the knowing of my strength to make it.

Wow RaelynsMama thanks for all the insight into your life, that was great!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *lilbsmama* 
I'm in! I'm 22 w/a 14 mo. DS. I like to know I'm not the only young mama out there!







:

Welcome!!







:


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

_New question: Where did you see yourself at this age?_
In India or Africa as a peace corp worker, or an ESOL teacher her or in another country. Mostly me living in a hut somewhere, while doing my masters online or correspondence of some sort.

_Is it better or worse than you expected?_
Both better and worse. I feel bad sometimes because I feel like there is stuff I want to do that I can't do, at least for a while (travel, etc.) but even w/o baby i don't have the $ for it...
It's better because I know the love of a child, my child. I did alot of childcare in my short life, and its so much better when it's your kid, in pretty much any situation. I mean like I've been puked on before, but it doesn't even phase me when it's Samara's.

_Is there anything you would change if you could?_
Um, to be honest yes but I feel like an awful person for thinking it. I love my family. Maybe more later but DD sounds like she's done with the bouncer and wants to be eating.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Oh BTW, do any of you who had DD/DS very soon after meeting DP or getting married feel a little.... cheated? Like you wanted more time with just the two of you? Just wondering.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
Oh BTW, do any of you who had DD/DS very soon after meeting DP or getting married feel a little.... cheated? Like you wanted more time with just the two of you? Just wondering.

Yes! I love DS1 but I wished I could have had more married couple just us time before he came along, then you add in my mother moved in with us 9 months into our marriage. We got 9 months of married alone time. I'm looking forward to the retirement years!


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## CrunchyGina (Feb 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
Oh BTW, do any of you who had DD/DS very soon after meeting DP or getting married feel a little.... cheated? Like you wanted more time with just the two of you? Just wondering.

Yes! All the time! Don't get me wrong, I don't regret having DD a bit, but I am jealous of couples w/o kids who have the freedom to do whatever whenever with just the 2 of them. But there's no going back now.


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## boogiebearlove (Jul 10, 2008)

I am 21 and have a 3 year old son and a 6 month old daughter. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, and he's the the Air Force, so right now we're not able to live near any family. Being a mommy is HARD! We do face different challenges as young moms and need extra support from each other.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
Oh BTW, do any of you who had DD/DS very soon after meeting DP or getting married feel a little.... cheated? Like you wanted more time with just the two of you? Just wondering.

I really wish that I had lived with my husband on our own (he moved into my parents' home while I was pregnant, but since we weren't married, he wasn't even allowed to sleep in the same room







) for a bit before we had DD. I think it'd have been better for our relationship. I think it'd have been so much easier to learn to be a homemaker without a kid first.


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

im older, turned 26 this summer, but i had my first a couple months after i turned 21.
i also had a miscarriage as a teen.

i still deal with alot of young mom stuff because people usually think im 19. im short and i guess i look young.
i have a five year old and almost 3 year old...
my dp is 23, hes not thier bio dad.

ive been wanting to have another soooo bad but my dp is wanting everything just so before he will even consider it. i have such hellacious baby lust.

i hope its okay if i thread crash


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## jenneology (Oct 22, 2007)

Just saw this and think I'll join in. I just turned 24, but my LO was born when I was 21. My husband and I got married when I was 19 and I felt very lucky that we had two years of marriage before I got pregnant. My husband's parents weren't so lucky and got pregnant on their honeymoon and his mom still talks about how they wish they had had more time as a couple before parenthood. I'm now pregnant with my second and even though I was a young mama I was still able to start and finish my graduate degree. I live in an area of Seattle where the vast majority of parents with children my son's age are much older than me, where there's at least a decade of age separating us.

When I take Chunka to the bookstore, I feel like people look at me like I'm the nanny rather than the mama. Doesn't help that I dress like I'm a college student, but its not like I can afford the hoity-toity spendy stores... The other thing I feel that separates me from older parents is that my husband and I are still living the life of students (he's in a PhD program and I just graduated with my M.Ed.). Because of that we don't own a house, we make very little income so our everyday reality is pretty different. When we go to the bookstore its to read the free books and play at the train table, not to meet friends at the cafe, get a latte and add to my kids library. Just feels like a different plane of existen.


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## jenneology (Oct 22, 2007)

Where did you see yourself at this age?
I honestly saw myself as married with two kids. I didn't realize that an advanced education would be a resulting desire of an undergraduate education, but that worked into the equation as well.

Is it better or worse than you expected?
We are actually better of than I expected, both financially and emotionally. I had hoped to buy a home/condo once we moved for graduate school but the timing hasn't worked out for us, especially with the housing market. Basically I don't think I had many expectations and the ones I did have were unrealistic.

Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.
I wish we had a bigger apartment and that we had more of a down payment saved for a house, but we keep making other purchases... And I really need to learn to budget better--there is way too much unessential spending in this house and how packed it is is an indication of how much stuff we've accumulated.


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

everyone still thinks im my kids older sister.







:


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boogiebearlove* 
I am 21 and have a 3 year old son and a 6 month old daughter. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, and he's the the Air Force, so right now we're not able to live near any family. Being a mommy is HARD! We do face different challenges as young moms and need extra support from each other.

Welcome!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boigrrrlwonder* 
I think it'd have been so much easier to learn to be a homemaker without a kid first.

that's exactly it! Would have made becoming mama easier cause you wanted have to master 2 jobs at once.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *poxybat* 
im older, turned 26 this summer, but i had my first a couple months after i turned 21.
i also had a miscarriage as a teen.

i still deal with alot of young mom stuff because people usually think im 19. im short and i guess i look young.
i have a five year old and almost 3 year old...
my dp is 23, hes not thier bio dad.

ive been wanting to have another soooo bad but my dp is wanting everything just so before he will even consider it. i have such hellacious baby lust.

i hope its okay if i thread crash









Welcome, and the way I see it no one would ever have kids if they waited for the "perfect" time. Hope thinsg line up soon so you can start baby dancing.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *jenneology* 
Just saw this and think I'll join in. I just turned 24, but my LO was born when I was 21. My husband and I got married when I was 19 and I felt very lucky that we had two years of marriage before I got pregnant. My husband's parents weren't so lucky and got pregnant on their honeymoon and his mom still talks about how they wish they had had more time as a couple before parenthood. I'm now pregnant with my second and even though I was a young mama I was still able to start and finish my graduate degree. I live in an area of Seattle where the vast majority of parents with children my son's age are much older than me, where there's at least a decade of age separating us.

When I take Chunka to the bookstore, I feel like people look at me like I'm the nanny rather than the mama. Doesn't help that I dress like I'm a college student, but its not like I can afford the hoity-toity spendy stores... The other thing I feel that separates me from older parents is that my husband and I are still living the life of students (he's in a PhD program and I just graduated with my M.Ed.). Because of that we don't own a house, we make very little income so our everyday reality is pretty different. When we go to the bookstore its to read the free books and play at the train table, not to meet friends at the cafe, get a latte and add to my kids library. Just feels like a different plane of existen.

That's awesome you were able to start and finish your graduate degree! Welcome and







s

Quote:


Originally Posted by *poxybat* 
everyone still thinks im my kids older sister.







:

How annoying!


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## EKSmith (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi everyone...I'm new to the boards here, but am here for good now!!

I'm 24 years old now....had ds1 when I was 20 (almost 21), and ds2 at 23 (almost 24). I've faced a lot of the challenges others have already shared...it's tough being a younger mom. I've had to work hard to seek out new friends, as none of my old friends have children. At first I always felt like I had to prove myself- that I can do this - but I've come to terms with this, and as I age I care less and less about what others think. DH is my highschool sweetheart, and we finally married in August '08 after being together 7 years. When we found out I was pregnant with ds1, we faced a lot of pressure. We weren't planning on having children, and weren't set up at all for it. Family added a lot of pressure too - will maybe explain more when I've got more time. Either way, we perservered - and here we are happy, healthy, with two beautiful little boys. I wouldn't change a thing.







:

Looking forward to sharing the joys and challenges of motherhood with everyone!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Absolutely! DP and I were together for just over a year when I got pregnant, and although I love having Raelyn, I do miss being able to just go out on dates and have 'us' time (and *gasp* ME time - ... what's that?) we try to make an effort to get a baby sitter and have a date night every so often... so far it's been 3 times in the last year - once for our anniversary, once for xmas shopping and once for dd's birthday shopping. I've been out ONE time by myself that was not school or work related and that was last Friday, lol. And tomorrow makes 4 couple nights, as we are going out for my birthday. The big 2-0. Should be fun!

PS - As a side note.. Jason and I had a funny conversation the other night. The topic of birthdays came up and I said "don't expect me to go out and drink on my 21st birthday" (as my father was an alcoholic while I was growing up so I don't drink and have politely requested DP not to as well) and he said something like, "It's okay if you do" and I thought about it and said, "well, actually, I'll probably still be nursing" and he goes, "What?! You better not be still nursing her when she's 2!" which we have talked about.. but I don't know. Maybe he forgot, but it brought out the mama lion and me and the "Exxxcuuusee me? I'll nurse her 'til she's SEVEN if I want to!" Hah.. men.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

*Where did you see yourself at this age?*
Before DH I was going to be in medical school on my way to becoming an ER Doc! After I met DH I realized how important family was to me and got serious about life for the first time EVER. We met when I was 18 (I'm almost 22) and have been serious ever since.

*Is it better or worse than you expected?*
Considering my parents and ex are/were mentally and emotionally abusive it's SO much better! I'm excited about being a mom and having a family.

*Is there anything you would change if you could?*
At the moment? Not really. DH is at Air Force basic training so I'd love to have him here with me instead...but I know that it's necessary to benefit us as a family.

Do I wish we'd had more "married time" before we got pregnant? Well, we'd been married almost two years...I was 5 months at our 2 year anniversary. Like I said previously, we've been serious about spending the rest of our lives together for the majority of our relationship. We probably would have started the previous year if money hadn't been so tight...

Someone said way earlier that she felt judged by people on the street (being young and pregnant) and I feel EXACTLY the same way. I've been told I barely look 18 and because of hand swelling I can't wear my wedding rings right now. I KNOW people glance at my left hand when they see that I'm pregnant and I can almost hear them thinking "Oh, another pregnant teenager" as they walk by. I've had several middle aged women give me dirty looks, scoff, and/or roll their eyes at me. It sucks.


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## Chrilynhawk (Jan 28, 2009)

*Subs to Tribe*
I'll be 23 tomorrow


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

It's been a while...

*Where did you see yourself at this age?*
-- In college, doing something other than sitting around at home or working minimum wage jobs.

*Is it better or worse than you expected?*
-- Depends on the day and where I am. Life with Dad has been worse than I expected. Having Mom so far away has really sucked. I'm not even going to touch the financial situation. Otherwise, my relationship status is better than I expected. I love m'loves.









*Is there anything you would change if you could?*
-- I'd like a house. And enough money to take care of it, the bills, and let me stay at home. But that's just a dream.


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
It's been a while...

yes it has, you popped in my head last night how are you doing?


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nursingmama05* 
yes it has, you popped in my head last night how are you doing?

Thanks for thinking of me.







I've been hanging in there. Morning sickness still hasn't let up. My blood count is better than my midwife's. I'm hoping to tell Mom this weekend -- I just want it over with, at this point. Her birthday is next week.

I had a nightmare about my old job the other night. I spent half an hour saying to myself, "Noooo, I can't go back to that!" ... but my funds are dwindling.

And then I had this surprise, last night.







:

How are things with you?


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## simonsmama (Oct 7, 2005)

Hello there mamas. I'll join in! I am 23, almost 24 (My birthday is coming up). I got married when I was 19, and got pregnant 4 months later, yes it was planned. My family, and DH's family thought and treated us like we were stark raving bonkers for planning our family this way, PLUS we got pregnant with DD when DS was only 7 months old, this was also planned. I don't feel like I am missing out on partying or anything that others my age would be doing. I do feel as thought I am missing something, and I just don't know what it is. Sometimes, I don't feel like a real person, ykwim? I guess, as a young adult, you're supposed to discover who you really are, and so on, and I guess I never got that chance. I feel sad sometimes, when my hubby asks me what he can do to make me happy, and I don't have an answer. I don't even know what I like anymore. *sigh* I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world. But being a young SAHM with no friends, is very difficult.

*Where did you see yourself at this age?* I don't know that I really thought about where I would be at 23 almost 24. I always wanted to be a wife, and SAHM. But I never really thought about it more deeply than that.

*Is it better or worse than you expected?* Worse. Not because of my kids, or where my life is at the moment. I am so blessed in those ways. I say worse because I'm not the person I'd hoped I would be. I am lazy, selfish, and very messy. I had hoped to be a neat, organized, active mommy. And I also hoped that I wouldn't yell at my kids as much as I do.

*Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.* I would change my own childhood (I have physically and verbally abused) because I think having a better childhood would make it a bit easier to raise my own kids in a gentle way.


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## lucifugous (Nov 13, 2008)

Jumping in here! I'm 22 and have an almost 6 month old! In my partner's family this (and the fact that we're not married) is totally the norm. In my family, all of my cousins waited til they were close to thirty, some in their thirties. All but one were married well before having kids, and the one got married as soon as she found out she was pregnant. So I stick out! But everyone remarks on how happy and healthy my baby is so ..it's all about mindset. If I feel strange I'm gonna have a strange look on my face, KWIM?

Until not long before my daughter was conceived, I saw 22 yr old self already firmly planted in a career and moving on up! I graduated high school a year early and went straight to a good university. I figured IF I wanted to be a mom I wouldn't have time until my late twenties. But things didn't happen that way! I don't think I would be a mom if it hadn't been for a life-threatening accident I had shortly after graduating college. I lost a few toes, had a LOT of time to think about what really matters, etc. The following winter, I became pregnant. It was a conscious choice but not one that I spoke out loud!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *asoulunbound* 
Oh BTW, do any of you who had DD/DS very soon after meeting DP or getting married feel a little.... cheated? Like you wanted more time with just the two of you? Just wondering.

Alex and I were just talking about this last night. He said we could have gone somewhere (I don't even know if he meant like a trip or living somewhere else ) and I said we weren't planning on going anywhere. He said well we had hardly met! A little inaccurate, we'd known each other a year, but obviously he feels a little cheated sometimes.


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## devilish_fetish (Jun 5, 2007)

Joining the party!







I'm a 24 year old stay at home mom of 6 month old twin boys, one of who is special needs, and I'm married to a (usually) wonderful dh. It's been really hard to find other families like ours, cuz we're really... different. We don't really "fit in" anywhere. We're a mixed couple (i'm black and dh is white), we're both bisexual, polyamorous, kinky, and swing, we're both young (i just turned 24 in oct, he's 29, turning 30 in july), have been through infertility treatments (did ivf to get our twins), had a wonderful, natural home waterbirth with our boys (which was fantastic!), are first time parents, are parents of multiples, have a special needs baby, I'm a stay at home mom and STILL like to go out clubbing and partying (though not with the same frequency obviously). I don't usually join tribes (not trying to set a record for the most tribes joined







). When we were going through ivf, we were the youngest in our support groups, and alot of them kept asking us "why don't you guys just wait it out, it'll happen on its own, you're young"







: Most of our friends are older (and the vast majority don't have/want kids) and have asked us why we wanted to be "tied down" so young (no pun intended). They just don't get it. It'll be good to talk to other moms my age. I also get the asumption that my kids were accidents, that of course i'm unwed or got married pregnant (we were married almost 2 years by the time the boys were born), or that i'm young so of course i don't know what i'm doing. Everyone thought we were crazy for having a natural waterbirth at home with our twins and assumed that i didn't "do my research" and was taking the easy way out. Since when is 30 hours of natural, unmedicated labor and the vaginal birth of twins taking the easy way out?







I think as young moms we get (and sometimes put up with) alot of crap that we wouldn't get if we were older. When my special needs son Lucius was in the hospital when he was first born, the doctors kept directing all of their attention and explanations at my parents and asking them what they thought should be done for my son. It's like HELLO, I'M THE FREAKING PARENT HERE!







Has anyone else noticed that their dps get treated differently, i mean, even differently from how people treat you? I've noticed that people aren't as condescending/rude/"oh you'll find out when you're older" towards my dh. He's not that much older than me... Maybe he just LOOKS it since he's a big guy (6'0 280ish) and always wears a moustache and beard









*NAMES*

So, like I said, I've got two boys. Tesla August came out first. Lucuis Winter was our baby b and is our special needs baby.

*Where did you see yourself at this age?*

I honestly had no clue where i'd be at this age. I always wanted to be a young mom (my mom had me at 18), so i expected to have kids in my 20s. I didn't expect to be married though!









*Is it better or worse than you expected?*

Much, much better.

*Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.*

I wish I would get out more cuz i still DO enjoy clubbing and partying. We get out maybe once every couple of months, if that.

I wish we had a bigger house. We've got a two story townhouse, but with Lucius's special needs, the entire family camps out in the living room (he gets home nursing at night, but we still like to be downstairs in case). Eventually, when i get the time/inclination, i'll look for places to move to.

I also wish we had the money to hire a maid/helper. Tesla is a very high needs baby (very active, screams if he's not on a hip or being held) and Lucius has special needs (he's on oxygen, is 100% tube fed by g-tube, constantly hooked to a pulse ox, and needs medications and nebulizer treatments every few hours, plus needs suctioning alot (usually several times an hour and will desat and turn blue if he doesn't have it). With everything going on, housework is the LAST thing on my list! I am so embarrassed when his nurses show up every night because of how messy my house is. Not dirty, just cluttered and messy. Which leads to probably the biggest thing i would change: i'd put more hours in the day! This way the boys could get all the attention they want/need, dh would be well sexed (he's not being denied, but not having sex several times a week is very unusual for us, but we're just so TIRED), my house would be clean, i'd have me time and i'd still have time to make my own drs visits so i could get iv iron to clear up my severe anemia (iron pills do squat for me).

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Well, since you asked...









I'm polyamorous -- meaning I have more than one close, committed relationship at a time. I only came into it within the last year. I suppose what makes it "easy" is that I'm only involved with two people... and they happen to be married to each other. (Thus the "Me, my couple, and one more," line in my signature.)

HEY! ANOTHER ONE!







The few moms i've met my own age usually aren't crunchy, and the ones i've met that are we don't seem to have THAT much in common with besides being ap/crunchy (which is fine and they're still our friends and we love them anywys! :d) We're not in a serious relationship with anyone else right now. We enjoy dating other people, but don't want someone else living with us or joining our marriage. I/we've got a sorta girlfriend, but we're so busy we really only see her occasionally. I wish we had the time to see her more (and maybe find dh a guy on the side). We've really got our hands full right now though.







Do you live with your SOs?


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## devilish_fetish (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *poxybat* 
everyone still thinks im my kids older sister.







:

People think my parents are my sons parents. And even when they're not with me, I always get "Oh, YOU'RE the mom?!"


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 
HEY! ANOTHER ONE!









Hehehe, yay!









At the moment, no, I'm not living with them. We're hoping to move in together eventually, but they've got a foreclosure on their record and I'm broke with no credit. So it might be a while. ^^;


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Serenekitten, lactation doesn't usually happen so quickly, but it's still an awesome sign! You'll occasionally find drops or small yellow-ish stains on your clothes or bra, but it shouldn't be anything beyond that until your milk comes in after the baby is born. If it bothers you, you can wear nursing pads. Good luck telling your mom, be strong!
Simonsmama - Welcome. You are a great mom, and you want the best for your kids, and I know that because you are here on the mothering site. When I lose my patience and yell at DD, I feel awful, but all I can do is make it better. I hug her, tell her I'm sorry, tell her why I was upset in a nice way, and try to keep my cool next time around with deep, deep breaths.
Lucifugous - Welcome! You're right about the strange look, I've never thought of it that way! That's amazing about your accident, I'm so glad that you are okay. It's 'funny' how your life and your priorities can change so quickly.
devilish_fetish - Welcome! Wow.. you certainly have your hands full! I give all the kudos in the world to you, mama! I'm glad you were able to have such an incredible birth, good for you for sticking up for yourself and those beautiful boys! Your DH sounds like he looks just like my DP, 6', high 200's, mustache, beard, etc. and he's turning 29 in August.


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## devilish_fetish (Jun 5, 2007)

: By george, I think we've killed it







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Hehehe, yay!









At the moment, no, I'm not living with them. We're hoping to move in together eventually, but they've got a foreclosure on their record and I'm broke with no credit. So it might be a while. ^^;

Try craigslist.org There's lots of houses for rent up there, some for very cheap, and ALOT that have no credit checks. How goes the morning sickness? I had it awful with the twins. I literally had it for my ENTIRE pregnancy (my labor started by me throwing up and my water breaking immediatly afterwards). Zofran works pretty well for some people. What was the old job that you had a nightmare about?

lucifugous: it took us sorta trying (not full out trying, but not avoiding) and having trouble with it, before my dh realized just HOW MUCH he wanted kids (now, not in 10 years like he thought he'd be ready for). Funny how sometimes hearing you may not get something shows you how much you really want it.

simonsmama: how'd you like that spacing? when we were first pregnant, i swore we wouldn't have kids till the boys were 3 or 4, but now i'm getting serious baby fever. Dh thinks it's just because our boys are growing up so fast (Tesla is almost fully crawling, and he's trying to walk, Lucius is pretty independent and keeps to himself, and has been becoming moreso lately) and it may be, but i'm not sure that that's all it is, kwim?







am i crazy for wanting more kids 6 months after having twins?


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Thanks for thinking of me.







I've been hanging in there. Morning sickness still hasn't let up. My blood count is better than my midwife's. I'm hoping to tell Mom this weekend -- I just want it over with, at this point. Her birthday is next week.

I had a nightmare about my old job the other night. I spent half an hour saying to myself, "Noooo, I can't go back to that!" ... but my funds are dwindling.

And then I had this surprise, last night.







:

How are things with you?

That's when I started leaking with DS1! So for me you sound pretty darn normal. I had morning sickness until 23 weeks too, it was rough. I hope telling your mom goes well. Fingerscrossed!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *simonsmama* 
I do feel as thought I am missing something, and I just don't know what it is. Sometimes, I don't feel like a real person, ykwim? I guess, as a young adult, you're supposed to discover who you really are, and so on, and I guess I never got that chance. I feel sad sometimes, when my hubby asks me what he can do to make me happy, and I don't have an answer. I don't even know what I like anymore. *sigh* I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for the world. But being a young SAHM with no friends, is very difficult..









I was talking about that with DH the other day. I hear things where in you're 20's you're supposed to be finding yourself and not responsible and all that jazz. What does that make me? A freak? haha well Yes. It is difficult taking this path lots of







for you.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *simonsmama* 
*Is it better or worse than you expected?* Worse. Not because of my kids, or where my life is at the moment. I am so blessed in those ways. I say worse because I'm not the person I'd hoped I would be. I am lazy, selfish, and very messy. I had hoped to be a neat, organized, active mommy. And I also hoped that I wouldn't yell at my kids as much as I do.

*Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.* I would change my own childhood (I have physically and verbally abused) because I think having a better childhood would make it a bit easier to raise my own kids in a gentle way.

I struggle not to over react. I yell to much too, but I was also raised much the same way. I was also abused(physically, verbal/emotional, and sexual) I fear the physical and verbal I survived will make me the same way.







It's hard to carry that load into motherhood. And I'm messy and selfish too, I think being selfish is part of being human. No matter how much someone is seen as selfless there is usually a selfish reason for their actions.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 
Joining the party!

My goodness that was a lot of information to process!







Congrats on your twin homebirth







so rocks, and









Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 
simonsmama: how'd you like that spacing? when we were first pregnant, i swore we wouldn't have kids till the boys were 3 or 4, but now i'm getting serious baby fever. Dh thinks it's just because our boys are growing up so fast (Tesla is almost fully crawling, and he's trying to walk, Lucius is pretty independent and keeps to himself, and has been becoming moreso lately) and it may be, but i'm not sure that that's all it is, kwim?







am i crazy for wanting more kids 6 months after having twins?

Haha no you're not crazy. I think it's pretty normal. DH admitted to me he's wanted a 3rd since DS2 was 6 months old. This coming from the man who only wanted two kids. haha My boys area good 26 months apart and for me it was hard. I didn't realize how young DS1 was until DS2 hit a year then I was like "oh crap" he was concieved when DS1 was 17 months. We're talking about trying when DS2 is 18 months haha, I guess that expierence really hasn't been a deterent for me. Really the hardest part was bf'ing while pregnant, I loathed it.


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## doratheexplorer (Apr 15, 2008)

Hi haven't been on this in a while, how is everyone? I'm 34wks now and dying for babs to come out! I don't really want to go early but I wish I could just go asleep and wake up in 6wks time!! Babs is big and I have bad SPD so it is impossible to do anything.
Interesting Q's...
*Where did you see yourself at this age?*
I don't really know. Before I met DH I was just sorta wandering through life iykwim, my mom was always really controlling she pushed me into doing things that she wanted me to do and I guess I went along with it. Before I got pregnant with ds (when I was 20) I was in college in a course I didn't like with no real life direction.
*Is it better/worse than you expected?*
Definately better. When we were expecting ds I was nervous about being a mom and we didn't have our own place and we had alot of family interference and hassle







: Now we are married, we have our own house ds is great and we are expecting another one soon (hopefully!).
*Is there anything you would change if you could?*
I don't think so, wouldn't mind a bit more money though lol. Even though I have bad days I love being a SAHM and becoming a mommy has made me have the confidence to do what I want and cut out toxic people from my life. I love having my own family even though we rarely get to go out clubbing etc I don't miss it that much.

_ive been wanting to have another soooo bad but my dp is wanting everything just so before he will even consider it. i have such hellacious baby lust.
_
Hope you convince you dp. We are totally the other way around dh wanted another one for ages but I wasn't ready to think about it until after ds turned two. Now I've made a few remarks like 'this better be a girl coz it's the last one' when I've been dying with SPD and sick of being pregnant and now DH keeps saying 'are you sure you wont want anymore?'. I'm like give me a chance I haven't had this one yet!


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I wish dp wanted another. He says, Noo way. Our 'compromise' is to "talk" about it in a few years. Which, is his way of buying himself a few years while he thinks of some really good excuses =/ I'm hoping once DD (1 year) is older, he will be more willing. I'm crossing my fingers... I visited my new baby cousin in the hospital today and the baby lust was in full force.


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## simonsmama (Oct 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 

simonsmama: how'd you like that spacing? when we were first pregnant, i swore we wouldn't have kids till the boys were 3 or 4, but now i'm getting serious baby fever. Dh thinks it's just because our boys are growing up so fast (Tesla is almost fully crawling, and he's trying to walk, Lucius is pretty independent and keeps to himself, and has been becoming moreso lately) and it may be, but i'm not sure that that's all it is, kwim?







am i crazy for wanting more kids 6 months after having twins?

Honestly, It nice sometimes, and horrific sometimes. It was really hard being 8 months pregnant, when my DS was 15 months old and in his major tantrum stage. It got easier when he grew out of it some. Everything was pretty easy til my DD started "getting into" DS' stuff, he didn't like that at all. Now that my DS is 3 and my DD is 2, they fight ALOT. Alot of it could be their differing personalities. But it has been really really hard sometimes. On the up side, having them close together means there will always be a playmate (although with twins you already have this covered,







) and you can "get it out of the way" like go through diapers all at once, and potty trained one after the other and school one after the other and so on. Am I making sense? In this way, it is nice. I do love that. I also love that DS (and DD too obviously) doesn't remember being an only child, ykwim? I totally had baby fever when my DS started crawling, and I had it again when DD started crawling (I resisted it that time, but it was SO hard , lol). Now that DD is already two years old, I wonder if I did the right thing in waiting so long. I know that sounds crazy to some, but I don't want there to be any huge gaps in my children's ages if I can help it. I don't know if that made any sense, or helped at all but there ya go. Good luck to ya. and lots of hugs and well wishes!


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

Oh I started lactating around then too, and omgosh, I cried, like not in a happy way, because DD was a surprise (aren't they all on some level?







) and I was super overwhelmed. It's pretty cool that one's body can sustain life both inside and out of the womb, eh?

I have been following but not posting per se bc of time and whatnot. Plus I kept forgetting who said what and scrolling up to find the name then forgetting what I wanted to say! I also haven't quite mastered the "quote" thingy... is there a code I can just type myself? Sorry to be so clueless!

welcome to all the ladies who have joined since I last posted!

I currently have PPD. This is the first time I've "said" that... sigh.







I just upped my meds Friday, just for a little while, to help me out a little until winter is over. I have seasonal affective disorder, which doesn't help.

I feel a little better knowing that I'm not a horrible mommy or selfish bc I would have liked to had DD a little later. I met DP a few years ago, and talked to him a grand total of three times (give or take). I usually exaggerate that to the general public, like I knew him _really_ well before we started dating...







Anyway, we starting dating in August 07, I moved in Jan 08, conceived in late Feb or early March and DD was born a month early in Oct. We still live with his parents bc of money and such but this is not how I pictured my life! I like it most of the time, but my depression has worsened since DD's existence and I feel soooo awful feeling that way, and it spirals down from there!









serenekitten and devilish fetish, I don't mean to mean to pry into your personal life/be rude, but I am so fascinated by polyamory. It's not for us, but I was a sociology major in college (feels like years ago) so I like learning about people whose lives differ from mine culturally, etc.

It's really weird, but DD is only 3 mths and I miss her "baby" days... it seems like she's been here always.

It is so nice to meet level-headed moms who aren't in their 40s. No offense to anyone (my mom was mid 40s with my little brother!), but I like having peers in both age and life stage (parenting).


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## SunShineSally (Jan 18, 2005)

Hi Mama's I had my Ds when I was 20, and he is 4 now!!!!! I am now 25. When Ds and I went for a WIC appointment and I saw the wonderful women there I was given the biggest attitude the one women said "so what do you think you are going to do with your son when you go back to school!" I said
"what? what do you mean?" Ohh she hated that and said "You know school don't you wnat to graduate?" I go "Umm yeah I did graduate almost two years ago" Then all of a sudden she was sweet as pie and said "ohhh I thought that you were 16!" then I wished that I had said so if I was 16 you can treat me like that. A friend of mine had her Ds at 15 and I can not even imagine what she went through if that is how that one women treated me! She is a wonderful mother and always was.

I am a single Mama and I also stay at home with my little man. I am no longer with his father, I had to leave him when I was about 6 weeks along. But I do have a wonderful guy now and he is so wonderful with Ds.







: I found and still find it funny that people still even though I have so far raised a wonderful, smart, polite,funny,happy child they think I do not know what to do. Or they are shocked that I would have nursed Ds til he was almost 3 one month to the day he was weaned







or that I CDed him and that even though I stay at home I do not just sit around all day I clean and cook and teach Ds things and play games with him and help him learn to be a gentlemen (there are so few left in this world







) and about life. I do not sit him in front of the Tv all day but he does watch tv more than I would like







:


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

oh i hate that assumption that they can treat you like crap because youre young/look young.

i havent had anyone accost me lately thankfully.

im looking to go back to college any mamas who have btdt have any sage words of advice... im a little scared...


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Poxybat, I'm in school right now. I'm taking a 2 year nursing program, but I'm stretching it out to 3 to do it VERY part time, so I can maximize my time with DD. I started last September, and I'm only taking 2 classes a semester, including this Summer, and then this Fall I'll start the nursing portion, which by itself is really intensive, so that's why I'm getting all of the other classes out of the way. And then all going well, I should graduate May 2011. It's not always easy, and expect less time to yourself than the small amount you get now, naps and bed times will mostly be devoted to homework, but DH has been a big help, and there is an end in sight. Good luck


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Devilish - you had a twin homebirth? Way to go. One of my biggest fears as I TTC is that I'll have twins. My mother naturally (no fertility treatments) conceived triplets, so I'm at a higher risk. I don't live in a good state for homebirth, so it's unlikely I'd be able to get a midwife to attend and I don't think I'm comfortable doing a UC with twins. Also good for you for being able to get out so much. I'm in awe of mamas who get out, especially poly mamas, since I feel like I don't have enough time with just one kid!


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## hollyvangogh (Feb 12, 2008)

Woah! Somehow I missed all these new posts!

Hi everybody!


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

Hey mamas! I've been MIA lately, but wanted to check in. I'm going on 34 weeks and still feeling good! I turn 24 next week, but am much more excited about baby's upcoming birthday than my own!

I'm glad to read all these posts from student mommies. Like I've said, I'm currently in a grad program for teaching, that I have a year left to complete. The workload and classes are fine, but I am getting so sick of being stared at because I'm pregnant! You'd think these people had never seen a pregnant woman before. Luckily my classmates and professors are OK, but when I'm just walking around campus, people constantly stare! So rude









I wanted to add in here that I started leaking colostrum or something around 18-19 weeks, so don't feel bad! I was a little freaked as well, when I woke up to my husband laughing at my milk stained tshirt! I still leak occasionally, but it's not too bad. Hopefully that means there in good working order for when baby comes!

Hope all you mamas are doing well


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## chinchen (Jan 27, 2009)

Alright, I'm in. I'm 21, expecting me and my bfs first surprise in late May. I live in the Skagit Valley in NW Washington. We will be giving birth at the FBC in Bellingham, about a 20 minute drive, and am PRAYING for a water birth. Our method is Bradley and I hope it all happens to my birth wishes(not plans!)

*Names*

It's being left to fate, and we don't want to find out the sex, so all I can give you are our prospectives. I really like Cambria Christine if its a girl. The Christine is for my mom. That's actually the only girl name I like. Charlie likes Cameron, which would then be Cameron Charles (after Papa of course!). Other boy names are Christian and Brennan(Brennen?). We have also been considering Cameron for a girl, as well.

*Where did you see yourself at this age?*

Well, I always knew that I had wanted kids at a young age - right around my age now - but if you had asked me even the month before I found out, I would never had said I would be with child this year.









*Is it better or worse than you expected?*
So far, it's as good as it can be. I am comfortable, which is always a good thing. But the emotional part of it is difficult. I don't have all the support I feel that I should have. My poor Charlie is dealing with the loss of use of his right arm right now to nerve damage(Parsonage Turner Syndrome), which is a difficult thing for any man. So his mental state has been worse off than mine. But at the same time, I know he could be more supportive, instead of wanting me to be supportive of him. I still am the one to go run errands for him(groceries, etc...)! 'Scuse the vent.









*Is there anything you would change if you could? you can include/exclude details depending on your comfort.*

I would change the timing (of either the pregnancy or his nerve damage, I haven't figured out which yet!), so that this would happen when Charlie was able to be the support partner he should be.

Thanks for listening! You are all so wonderful!







:


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Yayjennie I'm so happy to hear you are doing well! And happy birthday!

Chinchen, welcome. I've heard Bradley is a wonderful method, I used hypnobirth with my DD, and it worked well. I've heard they are pretty similar. Just keep thinking positively and your birth will be a positive experience. I'm sorry to hear about Charlie's nerve damage, I must confess I've never heard of that condition before. Is there any way (allopathic or alternative) to treat it or slow it down?


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## chinchen (Jan 27, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
Yayjennie I'm so happy to hear you are doing well! And happy birthday!

Chinchen, welcome. I've heard Bradley is a wonderful method, I used hypnobirth with my DD, and it worked well. I've heard they are pretty similar. Just keep thinking positively and your birth will be a positive experience. I'm sorry to hear about Charlie's nerve damage, I must confess I've never heard of that condition before. Is there any way (allopathic or alternative) to treat it or slow it down?

thank you so much. i have been welcomed warmly! thank you for your kind words!

im excited to do the bradley thing. ive read a little about hypnobirthing, but still dont understand it. feel free to tell me more! im just impatient to hold my baby!









and thank you again for your words for charlie. the best alternative therapy - which is more effective and successful - is called prolotherapy. they inject a sugar solution that is harmless and not medicated and it simply calls his bodys own defenses to that spot alone. its been used since hypocrites, except he used a hot rod. the only problem is it isnt covered by our insurance, so its very expensive for us. but we're trying!

i must go cook our vday dinner now, but i'll be back of course!

peace!















:


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Chinchen, I must confess I don't know much about Bradley aside from the little I've heard, but I suspect that hypnobirth, bradley, lamaze, etc. are all very similar. The idea of Hypnobirth is to put yourself into a deep state of relaxation, i.e. "self-hypnosis" it's pretty easy to do with a little practice. There are a few breathing and visualization techniques. Marie Mongan is the woman who created it and she wrote the "Hypnobirthing" book. Basically: visualize a smooth easy labor, (there are a variety special visualization techniques, like imagine your cervix as a rose bud opening, and your baby moving through the blossomed rose down the birth path, etc) stay relaxed, because tension slows labor and causes the pain associated with it, and our ancestors and un-westernized women from third world countries didn't/don't view labor and birth as painful, so there was no tension and no pain. The book was very enlightening and my birth experience was fantastic. Less than 4 hours total!
I'm THRILLED to hear you are exploring alternative methods. I don't mean to sound crazy, but is the injection something you could (safely!) do yourself without going through the doctors? Also - have you heard of/looked into Reiki? Basically, everything in the world, and the universe, is made of energy. You, your desk, water, a tree, a thought, a banana, a rock, you name it! Reiki is where the giver places their hands in various positions on the receiver's body, and channels the universal energy into them. When somebody has some kind of ailment, it saps all of your energy. The idea is to give the receiver an abundance of energy so their body has more than enough to heal itself, because when the body is perfectly balanced, there is no 'dis-ease'.
Reiki is very, very easy to learn. Traditionally, you needed to take some kind of reiki class to learn about it and be 'attuned' to the energy. I, personally, do not believe this. Channelling the reiki energy is an innate human ability, (for example, say you stub your toe, or hit your knee, what do you do? Immediately, you place your hand on the hurt area, it's instinctive. You are trying to heal yourself) It has now been proven that people can attune themselves to reiki, and there are several books about how to do that, or a quick google search could turn up all sorts of sites with info about how to do it. The grassroots reiki group also sends out a mass attunement every Monday night at 9. The time zone doesn't matter. If you did a good search for them, it would tell you a little more about it. Reiki is easy to learn and easier to do. I haven't taken a class, but if you can, I would recommend taking one for the experience of it. As soon as I get some extra cash and a little time, I will, but I attuned myself and it seems to work fine. Reiki would be beneficial for you to do to your husband or for him to do to himself. Some people even tape their hand over an affected area at night for extra healing time. ALSO! Being attuned while pregnant is completely safe and has shown to be EXTREMELY beneficial to the baby. Do a google search for "reiki babies", I've heard they have sweet easy going temperaments and are very good natured. Reiki is also very beneficial for infants, it has helped my DD with sleeping, teething, bumps and bruises, gas, etc. and of course, reiki can help during labor. Huge plus.
Look into it, it can't hurt! And let me know if you need anymore info.


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## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

I hope it's okay if I post here as I'm not a young mom. I am studying to be a lactation consultant, and one of the things I did to get hours (I have to do 2000 practical hours) was to teach breastfeeding classes at high schools and to have the girls call me after they had their babies so I could go help them. Well, despite the fact that they all agreed that their babies would prefer to breastfeed, they're still not breastfeeding, quitting early, and not calling me for help.

What can I do to further encourage breastfeeding and to encourage them to call me? Thanks.

P.S. I did HypnoBirthing for my second (and to a lesser extent third) birth, and it was great!


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

Hi there I was wondering if I could join this tribe! I had my baby boy at 22 in June (I'm 23 now). I haven't had too many problems being young only that everyone assumes that I don't know what I'm doing and that's the reason I don't let DS CIO or give him 'enough' solid food.







:

Where did you see yourself at this age? I definitely anticipated I'd be a mama. I've had bad baby itch since I was 19 and I was thrilled to finally scratch it and go for the baby just before I turned 22.

Is it better/worse than you expected?
It is harder than I expected. Honestly, I had a really idealized vision of motherhood and I've had to discover that it can be challenging too! My DS is a very poor sleeper and that's been exceptionally hard on me and on my marriage. That said I love being a mom it is definitely the best thing I've done with my life. My DS is a wonderful, easygoing baby.







: I don't regret having him for a second!

Is there anything you would change if you could?
It would definitely have been nice for DH and I to have stable jobs or some savings or something. we're broke as can be and when daycare costs so much it's not even worth it for me to work it's so hard to get ahead. I feel like we'll be living in a crummy 1 brm apartment for the rest of our lives!Hopefully I'll have a part time job soon though
I also wish all my friends lived in the same city as me and decided to have babies young too! hee hee. They spoil the kid rotten though so I guess I can't complain too much.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Julie128, I'm sorry to hear that you've been having so much trouble with these girls. I'm sure every idea that I'm about to list you've already tried, so I apologize in advance. If it were me going in there, I'd talk about how much healthier it is to breastfeed, maybe give some real world examples about breastfed children vs. formula fed. I'd play up the bonding aspect and talk a little bit about "attachment" and secure attachment vs. insecure attachment, and how much it affects our children today and for the rest of their lives, in their relationships with their parents, peers, lovers, children, and then relate breastfeeding to bonding to secure attachment. I'd also talk about how breastfeeding is FREE - no bottles or formula to buy or pack, always available. Also, you wouldn't have to wash/sterilize bottles, nipples, well, unless you were pumping. Also, maybe connect these girls with a way to get cheap or free breastpumps, I know that a lot of women stop breastfeeding because of school or working. Also, maybe connect them with some kind of incentive program, I've heard that WIC gives extra vouchers for breastfeeding. I would really drive the point home about how it's the natural and optimum food for babies. Cows, cats, horses, dogs, they don't feed their babies formula, they feed their babies as nature intended. Also, I'd mention
1. how formula can never replicate the ingredients of breastmilk, 2. the recent contamination, (which, many people do not realize, was not only contained to Chinese brands. Many popular "American" brands were 'minutely' affected and the FDA was not even going to release that until the Associated Press had it released under the freedom of information act) 3. formula affects a child's hunger cues because they are encouraged to keep eating until the bottle is empty - This has been related to overeating as adults and obesity. 4. Breastfeeding helps the mother lose weight and regain her prebaby body... It also helps your uterus to return to it's original size better and faster than formula feeding. I actually read somewhere the other day about how many omen who chose not to breastfeed had slightly enlarged uteruses, which gave them that "lower belly pooch". 5. Breastfed babies are exposed to a higher variety of tastes so they are typically less picky eaters.
6. If you choose to vaccinate your child, breastfeeding is the perfect comforting tool. Also useful for falls, bumps, teething, etc.

Oh and I'd give them a list of postive parenting/breastfeeding resources. This site is great, Kellymom.com is a great breastfeeding site, askdrsears.com is really good too. Maybe also give them a list of resources in their area, mom's groups, la leche league, home visiting programs. In New Hampshire, we have a program called Healthy Families by Child and Family Services where a trained home visitor comes to your home bi-monthy and a nurse every 3 months. I was signed up for it through my Doctor's Office because I was young (18) and I ended up loving it, and stayed with it. They just offered a lot of support, someone to talk to, any information I needed, etc.

Maybe if the girls won't call you, maybe you could call them. Maybe you could have them write down their contact info, names, numbers, emails and estimated due dates. Then call them around that time to check in, remind them of your services, maybe ask to be put on the call list for when they have the baby so you can start helping right away at the hospital, or maybe call back in a week to check in again and offer a home visit. Also, in the mean time, you could keep connected with them through email, keep giving them positive resources and updates about different parenting events or groups in the area. Maybe start your own group! There was one here that I went to for a little while, it was ran once a week, babies were welcome, it was free and a great way for moms to get out of the house and socialize. There was some kind of topic each week, like music, local parenting resources, baby massage, baby yoga, breastfeeding, natural health, nutrition, carseat safety, sleep and vaccines, and different people from the area would come in and talk, it's a free plug for them and valuable information for the mothers, and you could give them breastfeeding information and continued support through that avenue.

I hope that helps, sorry it's not very organized. I was just adding things as I thought of them. Let me know if you want more information about the group, like additional topics or etc.

Tapiocapudding, Welcome! One thing that helped us out a bit was looking on Craigslist for child care. It's not a big paying industry but every little bit counts. I was able to bring DD with me while I watched other people's children and I really enjoyed it for the Summer that I did it. Now I'm back in school so the schedule doesn't really jive, but it was fun well it lasted. You could also watch children in your home, depending how serious you are about it, Easter Seals has a program to help you set up an inhome daycare. Also, if you're looking for cheap childcare, Craigslist has a lot of that too. Just make sure you screen the candidates VERY carefully.


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## Smylingeyz (Dec 2, 2007)

Hi! I want to jump in! I'm 22, DD is eleven months now... I'm from southern NH and right now DH is going to school south of Boston, so due to work I live in NH w my family on weekdays and go home to see DH on the weekends. Anyone near me by any chance?
I haven't read most of this thread yet, but I love it already!


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smylingeyz* 
Anyone near me by any chance?









I live a couple hours north of you -- I'm in Maine, just south of Augusta.







Welcome!


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## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

Wow, thanks, R'smama! Yes, I've done and said a few of those things, including calling them around their due dates. None have returned my calls. I'm trying to remember what I was like 20 years ago. Would I have called me back? Not sure. In any case, I'll take some of your suggestions that I haven't tried the next time I teach the class.


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## asoulunbound (May 16, 2006)

julie128, it's so awesome to hear that someone cares so much about women, babies and bfing! I second pretty much everything raelynsmom said. Especially the group. I'm really excited to go to LLL every month, but it'd be even more exciting if I wasn't the youngest by far.
Just thought I'd add an idea- perhaps the internet could be helpful, like maybe having a myspace or facebook page?
I have to say, for my bfing wasn't a question, but that was because I was raised with a mom who bf and babysat for family friends who breastfed, etc. iu didn't realize how much work bottle feeding is until I started pumping for my PT job- I was just telling my mother how I get why alot of people get overwhelmed by infants- all their needs and then we throw in stuff to make it harder like formula! I am waaay to lazy to bottle feed 24-7 (DD gets about 6 bottles a week and I hate all the washing and drying and stuff. I think Bfing is fun once you get the hang of it!).
Welcome tapioca!


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Heya! I'd like to join this tribe! I'm 21, DS is 6 months and was born 2 months before my 21st birthday.

Hope to get to know all of you better! Being a young mama can be very lonely for me at times.


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## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

Just a quick hola. Finally moved and have the internet. Now to get off bedrest.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smylingeyz* 
Hi! I want to jump in! I'm 22, DD is eleven months now... I'm from southern NH and right now DH is going to school south of Boston, so due to work I live in NH w my family on weekdays and go home to see DH on the weekends. Anyone near me by any chance?
I haven't read most of this thread yet, but I love it already!

Smylingeyz, I am from Southern NH too! I live in the Concord area. I''m in nursing school right now and I can't wait to finish so I can enroll in CCNH for my BA in Natural Health. My dp is also named Jason and our girls are about 2 months apart. Wow!


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## sunanthem (Jan 29, 2004)

Hi mamas, I can totally feel you all with the "You're sooo young! " comments, though I am now 29, I had ds one month after turning 23, and dd when I was 25. Where I came from this was just not the norm. I was raised where it was all about acheivement and money, college, grad school, career, marriage _*then*_ children... well, I go my own way. I also got preggo w/ my partner right away, like the first time we slept together, so I agree, sometimes we feel cheated that we never had time to get to know each other.. but now we're coming up on 7 years together, so we've had plenty of time...
I thought I'd join in to commiserate with the looks and comments, I still get them all the time, since I still look very young, and to also perhaps offer advice, since my kids are now 6 and 3.5.

So, yay for young mamas who are also present, attached parents!!


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## Smylingeyz (Dec 2, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
Smylingeyz, I am from Southern NH too! I live in the Concord area. I''m in nursing school right now and I can't wait to finish so I can enroll in CCNH for my BA in Natural Health. My dp is also named Jason and our girls are about 2 months apart. Wow!


I live about an hour from Concord, and I am currently enrolled in CCNH!!!!!!!
Wow! I'm currently halfway to my BS in holistic nutrition. I was thinking about nursing school, but decided after working as an LNA to go straight for the natural medicine. I can't believe it! I'm totally blown away.


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## devilish_fetish (Jun 5, 2007)

Welcome to all the new mamas! The natural birth/homebirthing class I took (my doula, who is AWESOME, taught it) was alot like a bradley class in that it focused alot on having a partner help (it focused alot on homebirth), but it also taught some meditation/relaxation techniques that seem kinda similar to hypnobirthing. For me it worked the best having both. I had dh to help me out, but I also put my Ipod on at one point and went into a sort of trance and was actually sleeping between contractions in the birthing tub for a good portion of my labor. It didn't get really hard for me till i hit transition, about 15 minutes before tess came out.

Biogrrl - my state is awful for homebirth. It's still illegal for the midwives and the birth culture is pretty anti-natural birth. At my homebirth, i had my midwife, her assistant, and a second midwife for an extra set of hands. This seems to be pretty common for twin homebirths. I didn't know if i'd find a midwife at first, but i knew i couldn't do the alternative - a hospital birth in the or. All of the hospitals i called (all the ones in our network) wanted a dual setup for a twin birth. So they would give me a "trial of labor", but in the or on the table for my "eventual" c-section. I don't know WHAT i would have done if i couldn't have found a midwife, though. Wait, i take that back, we would have found one in another state and had the boys there. But different strokes for different folks. FWIW, depending on your feelings about it, there are options if you REALLY don't want twins. Twins run in my family, and i have pcos, so i was at high risk of having multiples, especially higher order multiples. Our RE said we could do clomid/iui if we wanted to try it, but that was an unacceptable risk of triplets or more for us. We decided to do invitro. When dh and I did in vitro, we told them we REALLY, REALLY did not want triplets or more. Twins was our limit. We only put back two embryos, but there was still a chance that one or both of them could have split and made triplets or quads. We told the RE that if that happened, we'd want to selective reduce down to twins. But that's off on a whole 'nother tangent.

And it's hard to get out, especially with Luce's special needs. He only has one home nurse that we leave him with, and that's because she's had him since he was first released from the nicu at 7 weeks old. We just try to keep in mind that before we had kids, we were a couple, and before that, we were individuals. I think that's important to keep in mind, because you don't want your dh/dp to turn into just your dc's other parent, and while our babies come first, we still need "mama time". I find going out also makes me a better mama, cuz I get to let my hair down, do something for myself, and not be so stressed. A happy parent is best for baby.

Lately what i've been getting as far as ageism is flack for still breastfeeding Tess, because of his age and the fact that he just cut teeth. I've been hearing "oh, you'll stop that breastfeeding the first time you get bitten" and "oh, you're only still breastfeeding and not giving solids because you're young, lazy, cheap and don't know any better" since i'm keeping Tess breastfed at the ripe old age of 7 months!







: This has not only come from my parents, but from strangers and so called friends. I just told them "my breasts have taken much more torture than Tess can dish out!"







I don't know why all of these people want me to stop breastfeeding so freaking early. I find that where my parenting style and ideals vary from my parents and older relatives/ friends they always chalk it up to me being "young" or "inexperienced" or they'll say "you'll find out". I was even told the other day that i wasn't "a real mom" because I feel that my chunky 7 month old Tess doesnt NEED baby food. He's just fine being breastfed. They're not pushing for his twin brother Luce that's 100% tube fed to be fed food, only Tess. Tess's ped doesn't think he needs food yet. I know that the food's not the issue, we've butted heads on pretty much everything we've differed on so far: from my decision to have a homebirth, and not circumsizing or vaxing the kids, to what strollers to get. I'm getting really sick of being talked down to by my own parents/family/older friends. Does anyone else's parents/families/friends do this? What are you doing to deal?


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 
Lately what i've been getting as far as ageism is flack for still breastfeeding Tess, because of his age and the fact that he just cut teeth. I've been hearing "oh, you'll stop that breastfeeding the first time you get bitten" and "oh, you're only still breastfeeding and not giving solids because you're young, lazy, cheap and don't know any better" since i'm keeping Tess breastfed at the ripe old age of 7 months!







:

...

I'm getting really sick of being talked down to by my own parents/family/older friends. Does anyone else's parents/families/friends do this? What are you doing to deal?


Oh my goodness me too, mama! I catch a lot of shit from people for "still" BFing my 6 month old. Not that I SHOULD wean but that I WILL wean "as soon as he gets a tooth!" Also that not giving him solids is silly and that he'll never eat food if I "coddle" him so much. Whatever!

My parents talk down to me about vaccinations and car seat stuff and picking DS up quickly when he is upset. EVERYONE talks down to me about babywearing and carrying/holding DS always. Ridiculous I tell ya!


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## sunanthem (Jan 29, 2004)

I didn't have parents talk down to me; since mine had already passed by the time I had kids.. I did hear it from the MIL about some of our early choices, was a pedi nurse, so she had alot to say, but as the years went on, she's finally starting to get it and now she knows how we do things and respects our choices more..

As for friends, I've always tried to surround myself with like minded moms. I've met alot here on MDC in my local tribe forum that have remained good friends. I sought out natural momma groups like Holistic Moms Network, and when there wasn't one around, I started my own. I let the naysayers and purely ignorant folks who were my friends fall to the wayside, if I couldn't educate them.. I just didnt need their influence anymore.

Now that my kids are older, I do get out, I agree a happy mom is a better parent; we just have to make time for our selves and our partners. I went to 2 concerts last week! I hadn't seen a show in a very long time, but I had a blast, and needed the stress relief.


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## devilish_fetish (Jun 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyactsofcharity* 
Oh my goodness me too, mama! I catch a lot of shit from people for "still" BFing my 6 month old. Not that I SHOULD wean but that I WILL wean "as soon as he gets a tooth!" Also that not giving him solids is silly and that he'll never eat food if I "coddle" him so much. Whatever!

My parents talk down to me about vaccinations and car seat stuff and picking DS up quickly when he is upset. EVERYONE talks down to me about babywearing and carrying/holding DS always. Ridiculous I tell ya!









Yeah, i've gotten the "he's so spoiled because you hold him all the time" talk. And as far as weaning i've gotten both. I keep hearing "why are you still breastfeeding him? He doesn't want that." and "well that won't keep up for long once he bites you". What drives me nuts is when i say "he still enjoys nursing and he's not that into solids" (he showed some initial interest, but as he's been teething more he really doesn't want solids), and i get told "he doesn't have opinions like a human yet"







:









And i find that alot of the people giving their opinions either don't have kids, or haven't in the last decade or more. I guess i just don't get why a difference in styles and ideals threatens them so much. I got the same kind of reaction about my decision to homebirth. People took it so personally, like an afront on them. Like somehow me doing something different from what they did or will do invalidates thier choices.







I don't get it.

Sunanthem: i'll have to look for one of those groups near me. When we were doing ivf and pregnant, i didn't know that many people (so i thought) that had kids/wanted kids. Now alot of them are talking about it, or have older (like, around my age) kids that i didn't know about. I guess maybe you're just more aware of other people with kids once kids are on your radar. And some of these people are still great, unless you get to talking about kids and parenting. Then they take personal anything that's not "the norm".


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## sunanthem (Jan 29, 2004)

That is true, devilish, the friends I have kept that dont have kids.. we dont get much farther then them asking "so how are the kids..."

I find if I talk about any details of raising them, they don't always get it... so I save them for girl time and the like...


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## wild fire child (Jun 25, 2008)

My DS will be 5 months old when I turn 20, so I qualify for young mama...I don't really have friends, never have, and my mother is a MDC senior member, she certainly won't look down on my choices, and my MIL will lie through her teeth to please so I'm in no danger there. I guess I really don't have anyone judging me or telling me I'm doing things wrong, which is really nice. A couple of DHs friends have gotten nasty though, there was one whom he fell out of contact with a long time ago who found out I was pregnant and said 'I hope your baby has Down's'. Better enemy than friend.

We were awfully scared to tell my dad though...


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *devilish_fetish* 
Lately what i've been getting as far as ageism is flack for still breastfeeding Tess, because of his age and the fact that he just cut teeth. I've been hearing "oh, you'll stop that breastfeeding the first time you get bitten" and "oh, you're only still breastfeeding and not giving solids because you're young, lazy, cheap and don't know any better" since i'm keeping Tess breastfed at the ripe old age of 7 months!







: This has not only come from my parents, but from strangers and so called friends. I just told them "my breasts have taken much more torture than Tess can dish out!"







I don't know why all of these people want me to stop breastfeeding so freaking early. I find that where my parenting style and ideals vary from my parents and older relatives/ friends they always chalk it up to me being "young" or "inexperienced" or they'll say "you'll find out". I was even told the other day that i wasn't "a real mom" because I feel that my chunky 7 month old Tess doesnt NEED baby food. He's just fine being breastfed. They're not pushing for his twin brother Luce that's 100% tube fed to be fed food, only Tess. Tess's ped doesn't think he needs food yet. I know that the food's not the issue, we've butted heads on pretty much everything we've differed on so far: from my decision to have a homebirth, and not circumsizing or vaxing the kids, to what strollers to get. I'm getting really sick of being talked down to by my own parents/family/older friends. Does anyone else's parents/families/friends do this? What are you doing to deal?

A lot of people tell me I'm crazy for still breastfeeding or that I must be looking forward to weaning when DS hits a year.







: He has 3 teeth so I also get told I'll wean the first time I get bitten. I've been bitten and we're still going strong! I also get told I'm not feeding him enough (DS eats solids but only very sparingly) and the reason he's up at night is because he's starving. My 24lb 8 month old doesn't appear to be in any danger of starvation...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyactsofcharity* 
Oh my goodness me too, mama! I catch a lot of shit from people for "still" BFing my 6 month old. Not that I SHOULD wean but that I WILL wean "as soon as he gets a tooth!" Also that not giving him solids is silly and that he'll never eat food if I "coddle" him so much. Whatever!

My parents talk down to me about vaccinations and car seat stuff and picking DS up quickly when he is upset. EVERYONE talks down to me about babywearing and carrying/holding DS always. Ridiculous I tell ya!









Yeah I get flak for holding/wearing DS too. Not so much from my parents. They're very live and let live. When I tell my Mom I'm doing something with DS that's not so mainstream she just says 'ooookay' and leaves it at that. But I have neighbours down the hall who are friends of proximity and our parenting styles are like polar opposite and they are ALWAYS giving me crappy 'advice'. (And telling me everything I do is wrong wrong wrong and that my kid will be a beast when he gets older) They also keep yelling "NO!" at my 8 month old when he goes to touch something he's not supposed to! He's 8 months old! Give me a break! They also tell me he needs a spanking. I don't know about you, but if my 8 month old is doing something he's not supposed to be doing, I'M the one who ought to get a spanking! yeesh.

Another thing I get reamed on is that my DS is a horrible sleeper. Everyone tells me if I wasn't such a wuss I'd just let him CIO and then we'd be so much happier. My friends tell me DS NEEDS to learn to sleep and I'm harming his development by being up at night with him blah blah blah.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wild fire child* 
My DS will be 5 months old when I turn 20, so I qualify for young mama...I don't really have friends, never have, and my mother is a MDC senior member, she certainly won't look down on my choices, and my MIL will lie through her teeth to please so I'm in no danger there. I guess I really don't have anyone judging me or telling me I'm doing things wrong, which is really nice. A couple of DHs friends have gotten nasty though, there was one whom he fell out of contact with a long time ago who found out I was pregnant and said 'I hope your baby has Down's'. Better enemy than friend.

We were awfully scared to tell my dad though...

I was terrified to tell my Dad too and he did have a total freakout but he's so over it now and he's a wonderful 'papa' to my sweet babe. He is pretty cool too. I used to be really conservative about breastfeeding DS in front of him but he told me not to worry and he doesn't understand why everyone makes a huge deal out of it. Awesome!
I was visiting some relatives in NY and my great Aunt kept casually suggesting I go BF my baby in the bathroom of the ski chalet where they are members. I just smiled sweetly and said that we were comfortable where we were and she didn't say anything but looked quite taken aback! Her daughter thought it was pretty funny though...

I'm totally thrilled to be spreading the babywearing love. Everywhere I go everyone remarks how happy my DS looks in the meitai and how handy it must be. I just ramble on about it. But I've converted a lot of the moms in my young moms group and at my church







:

I'm totally sick of this weather though I can't wait to be out doing things in the sunshine!














t's funny how February is the shortest month of the year but it seems like the longest...


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I've been pretty lucky to avoid a lot of the naysayers, surprisingly. I'm actually pretty shocked at the moment thinking of how few I've encountered. Luckily, my mother and sister are both very pro-breastfeeding, so that helps a bit, I think. Although my mother still claims that DD will sleep better with food that will "stick to her ribs." I do feed her solids, she just prefers her food from the tap









I think the person that I've dealt with the most opposition from was my MIL. I can remember receiving all kinds of random formula samples in the mail, which, when I brought to her house for her to give to her 2 other formula-feeding daughters, she looked at me like I was nuts and told me that I "should keep formula on hand to give to Raelyn when breastfeeding didn't work out" Well.. here we are a year later and she's finally shut up about that. She also hated that I co-slept and Raelyn should've been in a crib where she could CIO, oh.. but that's not inhumane because I could go in there every 10 minutes to let her know that I was still there still letting her cry.. and she'd sleep better if I gave her cereal in a bottle,and I also was a horrible mother for delaying/selectively vaccinating DD and I also have her to thank for making DP tell me to use formula, let her CIO and fully vaccinate. I'm just really stubborn though.. and once I explained to DP my reasons, he pretty much laid off. As for MIL, I was really polite and explained myself for awhile, and then I just started ignoring her and saying well, "it's right for our family" and after awhile she stopped.

There have been a few people who have asked how long I'll BF for when they find out I still am, and once I say something like, Oh well, the WHO reccommends you bf until 2, they say something like, Oh, and politely change the subject.

I got a lot of flack from my pedi. While very pro-breastfeeding, she basically told me my daughter was going to contract some disease and die if I didn't vax her and that it was irresponsible of me to expose the world to disease through my partially vaxxed child. Also, that she was never going to leave my bed because I was co sleeping and it was dangerous. And again, I just politely told her my POV and the reasoning behind it and she eventually laid off too. At least in my life the polite but steadfast explaination is really the cincher.

Once people realize that this (BF, CS, etc) is a well informed, well researched decision that's based in biology, and not just a random one, they back off and I hope, reformulate their own opinions about the matter.

Oh... PS - I also got told I would stop when I was bit, well, DD but her first when she turned 5 months and had 8 by the time she was 10 months.. And I have been bit, several times, and we're still nursing strong! OH and I was at my dad's about a month ago and he says, "I don't mean to be perverse, but how does that work with the teeth and all?" and I was like, "Umm, dad, do you really want me to explain the logistics of breastfeeding to you?" so using my finger as a nipple, and my other hand as a mouth, I had to explain the art of a proper latch to my father while DP and dad's gf just about peed their pants.


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
Oh... PS - I also got told I would stop when I was bit, well, DD but her first when she turned 5 months and had 8 by the time she was 10 months.. And I have been bit, several times, and we're still nursing strong! OH and I was at my dad's about a month ago and he says, "I don't mean to be perverse, but how does that work with the teeth and all?" and I was like, "Umm, dad, do you really want me to explain the logistics of breastfeeding to you?" so using my finger as a nipple, and my other hand as a mouth, I had to explain the art of a proper latch to my father while DP and dad's gf just about peed their pants.

LOL!!

I belong to a young moms group my city runs and I feel so much older than everyone there. It's for moms 22 and under. I'm 23 now but I was 22 when I had DS so they didn't kick me out or anything. All the girls are like teens and I love them and think they're lots of fun but sometimes I wonder if they're all not wondering what I'm trying to pretend at being an old geezer. Teen moms, do you think 23 year olds are old?







These days I've started feeling really old for some reason. Most of my friends are younger. I need to start hanging out with some 30 year olds


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## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tapiocapudding* 
LOL!!

I belong to a young moms group my city runs and I feel so much older than everyone there. It's for moms 22 and under. I'm 23 now but I was 22 when I had DS so they didn't kick me out or anything. All the girls are like teens and I love them and think they're lots of fun but sometimes I wonder if they're all not wondering what I'm trying to pretend at being an old geezer. Teen moms, do you think 23 year olds are old?







These days I've started feeling really old for some reason. Most of my friends are younger. I need to start hanging out with some 30 year olds









When you are 16/17/18 years old, mothering or not, 23 does seem like far off. I wouldn't consider it old per say but at 23 there's a different perceptive on life then there is in the teen years.

Before I moved to Texas I did volunteer work at a school for pregnant and parenting teens, from the year after I graduated from there until I was 21. Even though I was only a few years older then the girls there and they knew it, they treated me a little bit like a teacher or something, not really one of them but without trying to exclude me.

All of my mom group friends are 8+ years older then me.


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CheapPearls* 

All of my mom group friends are 8+ years older then me.









okay, ditto that!

I don't think 23 is old but I'm 21 sooooo.....


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

I'm feeling really "old" too! I just had my 24th birthday, so I'm not *that* old, but I'm in school around a lot of younger people. My normal classes are grad classes, so I'm one of the younger ones there, but this semester, because of the pregnancy, I'm taking an undergrad course that will count as a grad course that I would otherwise be unable to take. Everyone in the class is 19! So I'm like the old fogie. But I still consider myself a pretty young mom!


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Okay, question...I feel like pregnancy has made me look younger! Anyone else? Maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones that got good skin (I really really don't mean to gloat!)

But I got some maternity photos done today I even I thought I looked 17 (I'm almost 22)


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Heh, no, I just look more tired.







(I've always had a lack of energy, so this is nothing new to the people who know me.)

I haven't gotten into any of the local groups, yet. I'm curious to see what the age range is. I'll be 21 in April, so I don't think I'll have to worry much about being "old."

I'm off to WIC today for my first meeting with them. Should be interesting.


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Heh, no, I just look more tired.







(I've always had a lack of energy, so this is nothing new to the people who know me.)

I haven't gotten into any of the local groups, yet. I'm curious to see what the age range is. I'll be 21 in April, so I don't think I'll have to worry much about being "old."

I'm off to WIC today for my first meeting with them. Should be interesting.









I looooved being pregnant but I looked terrible! I put on a lot of weight and my face broke out and my hair went all greasy and brittle. It was the only bad part about being pregnant for me.
Now that I've had the baby I think I look younger than I did while pregnant because I lost a lot of weight and cut my hair so it doesn't look as crappy. But I do have giant dark circles under my eyes and I'm going grey prematurely! oh well, that's what hair dye is for, right?


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## Aleo (Jan 1, 2009)

Hi!!!!
I havent been able to post since the year began. My health has been going downhill. That I barely have enough energy to take care of my own DS







. Anyway, I've been feeling better these days and im way behind in my mothering readings









Im turning 21 soon and DS is turning TWO!!!!







:


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## YayJennie (Aug 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AFWife* 
Okay, question...I feel like pregnancy has made me look younger! Anyone else? Maybe I'm just one of the lucky ones that got good skin (I really really don't mean to gloat!)

But I got some maternity photos done today I even I thought I looked 17 (I'm almost 22)

No, you're not alone with that! I seriously look like I'm 12 when I do my hair a certain way. I got maternity shots taken today (I'll post them on facebook tomorrow so you can see) and I look SO YOUNG. It's kind of annoying, because I'm 24 and married, but people think I'm an unwed teen (it doesn't help that my fingers have grown too big for my wedding ring







)


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aleo* 
Hi!!!!
I havent been able to post since the year began. My health has been going downhill. That I barely have enough energy to take care of my own DS







. Anyway, I've been feeling better these days and im way behind in my mothering readings









Wow, I'm so sorry that you haven't been feeling well, I hope everything is okay, and I'm glad to see you are feeling better!







and healthy vibes







:


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Hi Younger Mommas -- I don't want to derail anything, so if you could all quietly peek at my names list, that would be cool.









The list is changing all the time, and I still don't even know if I want to use that last name (it's dear boyfriend's, and we have no plans on getting married... so we don't know the legalities). I keep finding more names that I like. The good news is that my next big sonogram is March 16, so hopefully that will help narrow down the list.


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## Autumn~Sparrow (Mar 3, 2009)

Do I belong in this tribe? I'm not a teen mom anymore (am almost 24) but had my first in 2001, when I was 16. I'd really like to get to know other younger moms, particularly those who are dedicated to being mothers and who don't feel it "ended their lives."


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## almadianna (Jul 22, 2006)

moving to parenting.


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## Super Glue Mommy (Jan 4, 2009)

I had my first at 20, my second at 21, and my 3rd at 23


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

I'm 23; DS1 was born when I was 20 and I had DS2 just after I turned 22. I have to admit, I'm feeling less and less like a young mama these days! I definitely don't feel my age... I've been pregnant, nursing, or both for 4 years and it's taking its toll, lol. I must look older, too, because over the last year and a half, the "Wow, you're so young!" comments have basically stopped. I don't feel so "out of place" amongst older mothers anymore, which is nice.

My family is pretty supportive of my parenting choices... there were definitely doubts when my first was a baby, but I think everyone has realized that my kids are flourishing so I *must* be doing something right!

The only thing I regret about having children young is our financial situation. It would've been nice to have a few extra years to build up our savings and buy a house. Instead, we're stuck renting and paying off debt... but it's worth it. I'm not sure I could keep up with my boys if I had had them ten years later... they wear me out!


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## MamaG2 (Feb 23, 2009)

will be 20 in may...

ds born may 26 2007

new baby due september 26 2009!!!

from MI


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:

Teen moms, do you think 23 year olds are old?
If you're talking about having your first child at 23, I wouldn't have considered you a young mom, myself. Twenty three seems like a pretty normal age to be starting a family.


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## sunanthem (Jan 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
If you're talking about having your first child at 23, I wouldn't have considered you a young mom, myself. Twenty three seems like a pretty normal age to be starting a family.

In some places it is young, but not where I grew up.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
If you're talking about having your first child at 23, I wouldn't have considered you a young mom, myself. Twenty three seems like a pretty normal age to be starting a family.

I don't think 23 is too young to start a family either, but our culture has extended childhood so much that plenty of people still consider a 23yo to be a "kid". Frankly, it offends me.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phathui5* 
If you're talking about having your first child at 23, I wouldn't have considered you a young mom, myself. Twenty three seems like a pretty normal age to be starting a family.

Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.

Wow.

My friends who are in their thirties usually have teenage children. I have two friends who started their families when they were 35/40, but they're the exception.

I had my fourth at 23.


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## SheepNumber97245 (Apr 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
Not where I live. I'm the youngest mother I know of at 23. All of the first time moms in our play groups are over the age of 30. Most are 35-40.

I'm 23 and i have a 17 month old. I'm usually one of the youngest when i take him to play groups or things like that.


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## nj's_mom (Jan 13, 2009)

Oh Thank God!

I didn't think I'd anything like this here!

I'm 18, with a six month old DD who I adore. She changed my life in so many ways and I thank her everyday for that, she is amazing.

I get the "young mom" stigma a lot even though I've worked hard to defy it. It's irritating but you keep your head up and remind yourself of what they don't know.

I've tried to encourage my pregnant or young-baby friends to consider AP and it's different fascets but usually I get turned down ... it makes me sad ... but so many young women my age that I see are formula feeding/ crib sharing/ CIO'ing/ listening to what mainstream society is telling them. But I try to pass on my AP books and BF'ing literature and all of that.

Anyways I'm going to go read the other posts now! So glad to find a thread like this!


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## Tiffany_PartyOf7 (Mar 1, 2009)

I'm 22. I'm pregnant with #5. I had my first at 16. I can't imagine it any other way.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nj's_mom* 
Oh Thank God!

I didn't think I'd anything like this here!

I'm 18, with a six month old DD who I adore. She changed my life in so many ways and I thank her everyday for that, she is amazing.

I get the "young mom" stigma a lot even though I've worked hard to defy it. It's irritating but you keep your head up and remind yourself of what they don't know.

I've tried to encourage my pregnant or young-baby friends to consider AP and it's different fascets but usually I get turned down ... it makes me sad ... but so many young women my age that I see are formula feeding/ crib sharing/ CIO'ing/ listening to what mainstream society is telling them. But I try to pass on my AP books and BF'ing literature and all of that.

Anyways I'm going to go read the other posts now! So glad to find a thread like this!

As far as the "young mom" stigma, it gets better.







When I had my first at 20, I was shocked and dismayed at the negative attitude I seemed to get everywhere. It really, really bothered me. I remember going to the drugstore with ds1 in the stroller. I was searching the baby aisle for teething tablets, and I noticed an older clerk standing there staring at me. After a moment she asked in a very hostile tone, "Can I help you find something?" Um, no thanks? She followed me around the store, never taking her eyes off me. I got disgusted, put everything back, and stormed out of the store.







Now that I'm a little older, I really don't get the negative attitude anymore, thank God.

The other part of your post - I think it can be harder for younger mamas to break free of "mainstream" parenting. At least when I was a brand-new mom, I was very eager to do everything the "right" way ("right" according to mainstream ideas) because I very much did not want to seem like a stereotypical irresponsible young mom. I felt like I was being judged very harshly. As I realized that the "right" way was in fact wrong, I gathered the courage and self-confidence to go my own way regardless of what people thought. I make my parenting decisions (like not vaxing and delaying solids) based on careful thought and research, not out of youthful ignorance, and I can spout out statistics and information on a moment's notice to defend those decisions and shut people up.


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## bumbold (Jun 13, 2007)

I am 24 and have a 1 year old, there are very few young moms around where I live, the San Francisco bay are. People assume that I am unmarried and got knocked up on accident. In fact I was married 2 years before we got pregnant. Sometimes people don't really realize how old I am and then give me really surprised looks when it comes up. "No I don't know that movie I wasn't born yet."

I can find mom friends my age around but most of them parent very traditionally and I find it hard to talk to them about parenting things. My pre baby friends are pretty much no where to be found and if I do see them we have very little to talk about as our lives are so different now.

The friends that parent similarly to me and my spouse are much older, at least 10 years some are 15 years but with many of them I have a fairly good relationship and we laugh about how different in age we are. But I do feel like some of them are less interested in becoming good friends with me because of my age.

I have very few friends and really no close friends and am finding it really hard feeling stuck between the early 20s crowed, going to parties all night long and the middle age mamas who have way more life experience than I do. I keep going to different groups hoping to find some people that I can really connect with and make close friends with.

Its crazy how normal it is in some parts of the country to have kids in your early 20s and other places your in the vast minority.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Bumbold, I share your plight.

I love going to play groups, but it's for Evelynn, not for me. She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby." Yes, they say this.







Not in a mean way, but still!

My SIL is also 10 years older than me, and all my cousins who have children are much older than me. I know of one person my age with a baby, but she still parties every night.

I feel like I don't have any peers. It's very lonely.

But... don't stop looking for friends! I met a seminary student who is my age through the church. She's engaged, doesn't have children yet, but she loves to be around the baby. We have lunch and hang out, she's really cool!


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby."

Yeah, it's like that in a lot of groups of adults, not just play groups. It's annoying.







Usually people think I'm a lot older than I am, so I don't often get directly hit with the ageism. The worst instance was when I was a freshman in college and trying to connect with a writing group. One woman (I'd say 40s-ish) was disgustingly condescending and ageist and I called her on it. She actually left 'cause I hurt her widdle fewwings.

Needless to say, I usually stick to myself. ^^; I don't know how I'm going to get my little one socialized. I have a friend whose son will be a year and a half old when my baby is born, but that's it.


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## mom2cash (Sep 24, 2007)

Hey ladies! Not sure if I've posted somewhere on this thread before but I definitely belong... I am 21 with an 18 month old DS. I am going to go read through this thread but based on what is written just in the few posts above me I'm sure you can all commiserate on the young mom stigma.) In particular one playgroup I attend one other mom in particular will comment about my age/weight (I also am a skinny mom with a chunk of a baby and that apparently warrants daily comments everywhere we go) at EVERY meet-up and I am really getting sick of it. The last get-together...a Mom's night out that she specifically asked if I was going to go to and I was really excited about, the very first thing she said is that I looked like I was 12. "Maybe 15." And later in the night she asked if my child was planned. What a completely inappropriate question to ask someone. I said Yes he was a surprise but we were married for a year before that and he isn't any less loved because we didn't plan for him. It wouldn't be so bad if this was an isolated incident but I'm talking 10-20 meetings over the course of a year and this chick can't get off of my age or weight. Frankly, she has a lot of other issues why I know she doesn't like me for completely personal reasons (HERS not mine) that I won't discuss here out of respect.

I also live in an area where it is the norm to have your first child at around mid 30's to 40 and if you are younger than that it is immediately assumed that it was unplanned, you're irresponsible, you're undeducated, and also less of a woman because you didn't achieve a career first and then have kids. It's really upsetting sometimes because I feel as moms we should be supporting eachother- what is the point of that friction? Thankfully there are a few other moms of various ages I rely on for support so i don't feel alone and I can just ignore the negative people.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dantesmama* 
I'm 23; DS1 was born when I was 20 and I had DS2 just after I turned 22. I have to admit, I'm feeling less and less like a young mama these days!

I'm definitely starting to feel less like a young oarebt, too, at 22. I'm still the youngest at any of my groups still, and I occasionally get comments about my age. I'm not sure why I feel this way, but I hear ya.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
Yeah, it's like that in a lot of groups of adults, not just play groups. It's annoying.







Usually people think I'm a lot older than I am, so I don't often get directly hit with the ageism. The worst instance was when I was a freshman in college and trying to connect with a writing group. One woman (I'd say 40s-ish) was disgustingly condescending and ageist and I called her on it. She actually left 'cause I hurt her widdle fewwings.

Needless to say, I usually stick to myself. ^^; I don't know how I'm going to get my little one socialized. I have a friend whose son will be a year and a half old when my baby is born, but that's it.

I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mom2cash* 
The last get-together...a Mom's night out that she specifically asked if I was going to go to and I was really excited about, the very first thing she said is that I looked like I was 12. "Maybe 15." And later in the night she asked if my child was planned. What a completely inappropriate question to ask someone.

I also live in an area where it is the norm to have your first child at around mid 30's to 40 and if you are younger than that it is immediately assumed that it was unplanned, you're irresponsible, you're undeducated, and also less of a woman because you didn't achieve a career first and then have kids. It's really upsetting sometimes because I feel as moms we should be supporting eachother- what is the point of that friction? Thankfully there are a few other moms of various ages I rely on for support so i don't feel alone and I can just ignore the negative people.

I know!! Most people think I'm 18, tops. I just say, "Look, you don't know how old I am. Don't speculate." People also assume all those negative things. When I was pregnant I actually had a woman come up to me, look at me sympathetically and say "Oh, you poor baby!" Let's just say that I am not proud of the way I responded to that one.

Also YES- I am intelligent. I am skilled in more areas than most people. I choose to stay at home with my baby.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*

*pats* I know what you mean. Hopefully I'll find a group that isn't so bad. *keeps fingers crossed*

My next ultrasound is on Monday.







:


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *serenekitten* 
*pats* I know what you mean. Hopefully I'll find a group that isn't so bad. *keeps fingers crossed*

My next ultrasound is on Monday.







:

Thanks. I'm trying to set up a play group at my church but I so rarely find the motivation to do so. We'll see.

Good luck at your ultrasound! My favorite name from your list was Catherine Emery.


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## Susuwatari (Mar 10, 2009)

Hi girls, can I join? I'm 23 and had my ds when I was 22, he's 11 months now. 22 is considered quite young here to have a baby, and I feel like I'm not taken seriously by health professionals alot of the time because of it. When I took ds to his first check up the nurse leaned forward to me and asked me in the most sympathetic tone 'how old are you?'.
Everyone assumes he was an accident and when I announced I was pregnant you'd swear it was a tragedy the way everyone reacted.


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## boigrrrlwonder (Jan 18, 2007)

Welcome Susawatari!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
I would say you should go to play groups even though the moms can be total b**** because babies need baby friends, you know? I'm a total hypocrite saying that, because I rarely go to them even though I know I should. It's hard when you know it's going to be awkward. *sigh*

I really *don't* think babies need baby friends. To be honest, I'm really skeptical about how much my two year old needs peer interaction. If playgroups suck for you, don't go. It's really for the mama at this point. That said, I *do* go to playgroups even though, at least so far, I haven't made many friends, because I just need peer interaction.

I do think that having kids in your twenties is normal. I think a lot of the reason many of us in our early twenties feel young has more to do with us being crunchy - breastfeeding, homebirth, etc... tend to be practices more common among older mamas.

Change of topic: For those of you who TTC, did it take any of you a while? I sort of had this misconception that because I was younger, I could just think about being pregnant and then ta-da, I would be. After trying for a bit, I can tell you that that has not been my experience. Like I know I'm young, but I have this fantasy that if I get done with having kids young, even if I homeschool my kids I'll still be able to have a period of my life where I can have a career and what not. But TTC has been SLOW, so I worry that either I'll have to live with just having two kids if I do that or never having a career.


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

I haven't been on this thread at all, but I will say hi real quick. I'm 22 and half a 5 and half month old daughter and a step daughter who would be nearly 4 years. And yes, I definitely feel young. My cousins had children in their late 20s early 30s and I probably know more about child birth and parenting than they do, simply because I choose to educate myself. Of course they think I'm crazy.

Anyhow, PP asked about TTC. We tried for three months before we got pregnant. We started trying in October and go pregnant in January. Although we had unprotected sex twice over the summer and nothing happened then. HTH


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
Bumbold, I share your plight.

I love going to play groups, but it's for Evelynn, not for me. She finds plenty of friends, I just find people 10-15 years older than me who really aren't interested in what I have to say/contribute. I know that sounds really negative but it's true. To them I am "just a baby." Yes, they say this.







Not in a mean way, but still!

My SIL is also 10 years older than me, and all my cousins who have children are much older than me. I know of one person my age with a baby, but she still parties every night.

I feel like I don't have any peers. It's very lonely.

But... don't stop looking for friends! I met a seminary student who is my age through the church. She's engaged, doesn't have children yet, but she loves to be around the baby. We have lunch and hang out, she's really cool!









Exactly ... exactly .. I feel so isolated and alone


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## caro113 (Aug 25, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *holothuroidea* 
Thanks. I'm trying to set up a play group at my church but I so rarely find the motivation to do so. We'll see.

Good luck at your ultrasound! My favorite name from your list was Catherine Emery.









I just posted in the Tribal and the Parents forum about a play group. We're in Reading/Lancaster but you are still welcomed to join!! My friend and I started it and we're both 22, about four weeks apart actually lol. Just wanted to extend the invite to you. I know it's far, but if you're ever in the area, fee free to join. We have a facebook group. It's all in the thread.


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## holothuroidea (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *caro113* 
I just posted in the Tribal and the Parents forum about a play group. We're in Reading/Lancaster but you are still welcomed to join!! My friend and I started it and we're both 22, about four weeks apart actually lol. Just wanted to extend the invite to you. I know it's far, but if you're ever in the area, fee free to join. We have a facebook group. It's all in the thread.

That's about 2 hours away from us. Seems like a long trip! She loves the car, me... not so much! LOL I do have a lot of family in Reading, I will keep you in mind if I'm ever going out that way.


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## tapiocapudding (Feb 7, 2009)

I think 23 is still young. Of course, I'm 23 so maybe I'm biased. My city runs a young moms groups and it's for 22 and under so I'm the oldest (they weren't gonna kick me out on account of having a birthday and I really enjoy the group) I think I relate to them more than I do moms in other groups because none of us really have a house or car or financial stability.
Anyways I do get some weirdness about my age. Not really from other mothers but from the public health nurses and doctors! They can be really condescending


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I seem to get a lot of discrimination from doctors and nurses too, (as well as the general public), but once anyone gets to talk to me, they see how well researched and thought out my opinions are.

I have a question, as a young mom, do you find you sometimes still have that "Wow she's young" reaction to seeing another young mom? As much as I am against judging and discrimination, occasionally I still find myself making snap judgments. For example, the other day I saw a young couple who looked like they were in their mid-late teens, the father was carrying the baby carrier and the mother was carrying a playboy bunny purse. Now, of course, her fashion decisions are her choice and hers alone, but it made me think differently of her, even though she could've been a terrific person and a great mom. I think first impressions are really important and I wouldn't want to portray myself that way. I don't know, just a thought.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I have a question, as a young mom, do you find you sometimes still have that "Wow she's young" reaction to seeing another young mom? As much as I am against judging and discrimination, occasionally I still find myself making snap judgments. For example, the other day I saw a young couple who looked like they were in their mid-late teens, the father was carrying the baby carrier and the mother was carrying a playboy bunny purse. Now, of course, her fashion decisions are her choice and hers alone, but it made me think differently of her, even though she could've been a terrific person and a great mom. I think first impressions are really important and I wouldn't want to portray myself that way. I don't know, just a thought.

If a mother is young and carries herself in a mature fashion (which I think you do, as you mentioned how others change their minds when they realize you've done your homework), then that's one thing.

If a mother is young and acts irresponsibly, that's when I judge her. That may make me a hypocrite, but I'm human and I'm willing to admit it.


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## phrogger (Oct 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I seem to get a lot of discrimination from doctors and nurses too, (as well as the general public), but once anyone gets to talk to me, they see how well researched and thought out my opinions are.

I have a question, as a young mom, do you find you sometimes still have that "Wow she's young" reaction to seeing another young mom? As much as I am against judging and discrimination, occasionally I still find myself making snap judgments. For example, the other day I saw a young couple who looked like they were in their mid-late teens, the father was carrying the baby carrier and the mother was carrying a playboy bunny purse. Now, of course, her fashion decisions are her choice and hers alone, but it made me think differently of her, even though she could've been a terrific person and a great mom. I think first impressions are really important and I wouldn't want to portray myself that way. I don't know, just a thought.

Hope you dont' mind me jumping in, technically I am not a "young mom" anymore, BUT I was once a young mom and I still get the looks when people see me with my oldest son (he is 12 and I am 30, I was 17 when he was born). I still get the problems with the school and teachers all thinking I am way too young to have a son as old as I do, and a smart, well behaved, mature son at that. However if he is not with me and they see me pregnant, they think it is wonderful (30 and pg is ok, but 30 with a 12 year old is not 







).

Anyway, I do still catch myself looking at young girls with babies and thinking "what in the world are they thinking". However, I think more because it is the way they carry themselves and I know what a hard, long road they have against them. If they can't even get it together enough to put more thought into how they are raising an infant, what is going to happen when they have older kids.

Ex. These young girls walking around the mall with their new babies talking about how they are going out to party that weekend and how they are glad they dont' have to go to school anymore (dropping out?), at 17 when my son was born I was at the mall getting my sons pictures done and I got stopped by older women because I was breastfeeding and they were shocked to see I was nursing, then asked if I was still in school and I told them I graduated early and would go back to college when my son weaned, as I couldn't leave him just yet.

Now I am not saying young girls now don't always put their kids first, but I am just not seeing it in that quick moment as I walk by and it does make me sad for the kids, but then maybe I am just being way to judgmental.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RaelynsMama* 
I seem to get a lot of discrimination from doctors and nurses too, (as well as the general public), but once anyone gets to talk to me, they see how well researched and thought out my opinions are.

I have a question, as a young mom, do you find you sometimes still have that "Wow she's young" reaction to seeing another young mom? As much as I am against judging and discrimination, occasionally I still find myself making snap judgments. For example, the other day I saw a young couple who looked like they were in their mid-late teens, the father was carrying the baby carrier and the mother was carrying a playboy bunny purse. Now, of course, her fashion decisions are her choice and hers alone, but it made me think differently of her, even though she could've been a terrific person and a great mom. I think first impressions are really important and I wouldn't want to portray myself that way. I don't know, just a thought.

I do see some young parents around but not too many here. ANd when I do see a young family, I am usually ecstatic and proud to be a young parent too. But if the parents were smoking and wearing inappropriate clothing then I do pass judgements in my head but I will never say it aloud.


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## wsgrl84 (Jan 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phrogger* 
Ex. These young girls walking around the mall with their new babies talking about how they are going out to party that weekend and how they are glad they dont' have to go to school anymore (dropping out?), at 17 when my son was born I was at the mall getting my sons pictures done and I got stopped by older women because I was breastfeeding and they were shocked to see I was nursing, then asked if I was still in school and I told them I graduated early and would go back to college when my son weaned, as I couldn't leave him just yet.

Now I am not saying young girls now don't always put their kids first, but I am just not seeing it in that quick moment as I walk by and it does make me sad for the kids, but then maybe I am just being way to judgmental.

Since you brought up this topic, I will put in my 2 cents. Last year I used to be friends with a mom, who I thought was really cool at first but she was what you described here....those people who couldn't wait to go partying on Friday nights and hit the clubs and act single again. By the way, this mom is 32 with a 2 year old so she was an average aged mom.

This goes to show you that age does not make you a better parent. Experience and Love and Patience makes a good parent and most people would say MONEY. Society makes fun of us young moms because of lack of higher education which leads to money. It's all about money for old school people. Money to raise your child, and put them through college.


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## RaelynsMama (Oct 26, 2008)

I just thought of this thread the other day... anyone want to start it back up?


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## angelamariebee (Jun 20, 2008)

I just found this thread but I would like to join in. I'll try reading back but I think it would take me days to finish reading the whole thing, haha.

My name is Angela and I just turned 22 on Sunday. I have a DD who will be three soon. I've never been a part of any tribes on here, really, and even though I've been posting on MDC for quite awhile I've never made any friends so I hope to get to know some of you here.


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## NinaBruja (Jan 19, 2004)

hello all, how have you been


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## MommaKitten21 (May 12, 2009)

Hey mommas! I just found this tribe and would love to join in as well!







I am a 21 year old mother of two (one 7 year old daughter and a 10 month old son) I look forward to getting to know all of you!!







:


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## Right of Passage (Jul 25, 2007)

I'm feeling quite down today. We're TTC again, our third, at 22. I feel like a freak.


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MommaKitten21* 
Hey mommas! I just found this tribe and would love to join in as well!







I am a 21 year old mother of two (one 7 year old daughter and a 10 month old son) I look forward to getting to know all of you!!







:

Welcome to the thread!









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Right of Passage* 
I'm feeling quite down today. We're TTC again, our third, at 22. I feel like a freak.

















I think it's ambitious. More power to you!

31 weeks and still going... the pregnancy itself has been uncomplicated; the rest of my life has given me plenty of chaos to make up for it.


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## emmalizz (Apr 14, 2009)

.


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## chinchen (Jan 27, 2009)

Hey! Where'd we all go? Happy fourth! I hope everyone had a safe and fun day. I'm just checking in to say hello. How is everyone?


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## serenekitten (Nov 20, 2008)

I'm still here for the moment.







16 days until my EDD. I didn't do anything this weekend -- didn't feel up to it thanks to a lack of sleep and some mild contractions that keep fizzling out.


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## chinchen (Jan 27, 2009)

well good luck! i only hung out with my parents and a glass of wine last night so dont feel bad. cam slept through the fireworks and the were less than a quarter mile in front of us. drink your raspberry tea! it'll help when it counts!


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Quote:

I have a question, as a young mom, do you find you sometimes still have that "Wow she's young" reaction to seeing another young mom?
No. In the area I live in, it is norm for people to start their families in their teens and early twenties. I only have one friend who is not a parent... she's the oldest, at 25.


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## Amylcd (Jun 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Right of Passage* 
I'm feeling quite down today. We're TTC again, our third, at 22. I feel like a freak.









Don't feel like a freak! We TTC'd our third at 23


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