# New to this and deeply hurting...



## ohmybaby (Mar 28, 2009)

I began reading through these forums at the request of a friend. My baby was born at 20wks and died only hours after we first held her in our arms. I've been hesitant to post because writing forces me to face that this is my reality. Tomorrow will mark one month since I kissed her hello and goodbye. I've read many of your stories and I take comfort in knowing I'm not alone. As difficult as it is, I feel the best thing for me to do now is surround myself with support from others that relate to my situation. Thank you all for sharing your stories and giving me the courage to share my own.

About my loss...

I'm a mother to a handsome 4 year old boy. I was younger than most when I became a mother but it changed my life in a million wonderful ways and I could not wait to experience it again. Unfortunately, the person who I first chose to share that experience with wasn't so wonderful. This is where the shame hits...I made the decision to leave and I'm still currently going through a divorce. During the long and drawn out process that is my divorce I met the man of my dreams. Sooner than we anticipated, my dream of being a mom again came true. This may seem like a bad idea to most (ask my family and they'll tell you) however he and I both knew that this was right for us. This was God's plan and it would be the start to an amazing new life together with my son and our new little family. Things started off so well and slowly took a turn for the worse. I started experiencing problems only a month in to my pregnancy. I was shocked as I had such a healthy pregnancy the first time around. As the weeks went on it only got worse. I held out so much hope despite what the doctors told me. I thought I'd make it for sure and that I was strong enough to endure anything. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I gave birth to my little Lily a month ago tomorrow. I struggle daily with this and try my best to focus on my son and keeping her little memory alive. It's amazing how some people don't give my story half as much respect or sympathy since she was only 20wks. That's why I've turned here. I need to know that I'm not alone. I hope that posting in these forums and sharing my story while hearing all of yours as well will continue to get me through this.

Here's to all of our precious babies. May we always remember them and carry them in our hearts forever.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss...


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I'm so sorry.







This is a hard road. I'm glad you've found us here.


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## *Jade* (Mar 13, 2007)

I'm so, so sorry for you lost. And I'm extra sorry that people aren't giving you the right amount of sympathy, that honestly shocks me


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I am so very sorry that your precious little girl isn't growing inside you anymore. We are here to honor her memory with you.








Lily


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## mamacita angelica (Oct 6, 2006)

I am so sorry.








Lily


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry you lost your precious Lily.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh mama, I'm so so sorry you lost your little Lily.









I'm glad you've found this place, though. HUGS.


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so sorry you're here. Sadly there are many of us who are walking this path together.. you will find wonderful support here.


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## MommaSomeday (Nov 29, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. We're here to mourn Lily with you.

I can tell you something. Having had a full term loss and an early miscarriage, they both deserve mountains of support and sympathy. They are very different, but both very painful. 20 weeks is a long time to get to know your little girl, but not nearly long enough.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so very sorry mama


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss...


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## AlumofUF (Nov 12, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss







s....I think you have come to the right place to get you thru so difficult times


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## free2beme23 (Jul 31, 2007)

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Lily.


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## ChichosMama (Aug 20, 2004)

I am so sorry, Mama.


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## ohmybaby (Mar 28, 2009)

Thank you all for the support. Today marks one month and your compassion and kind words mean so much.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and holding you in my heart.


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## rsummer (Oct 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ohmybaby* 
 This is where the shame hits...I made the decision to leave and I'm still currently going through a divorce. During the long and drawn out process that is my divorce I met the man of my dreams. Sooner than we anticipated, my dream of being a mom again came true. This may seem like a bad idea to most (ask my family and they'll tell you) however he and I both knew that this was right for us. FONT]




You and your partner know what is best for you, no shame and no judgement. No one knows what happens between you and you partner and your shared life than you and your partner. I am sorry for your loss, hello and goodbye all is the same meeting is so unfair. Sending you love.

Rebecca


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Grace, I'm so very sorry for your loss of precious Lily.
I'm glad your friend pointed you in our direction.








Lily


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## mollyb33 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm so sorry you don't have your daughter with you.








Lily


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## crazyfish (Feb 9, 2009)

I lost my baby at 18 weeks last week. I understand what you are going through. For me, the pain comes in waves. I've done better when I keep myself busy but mornings and nights are still hard. Were you able to find any answers on why your baby was born so early?


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## bc1995 (Mar 22, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## ohmybaby (Mar 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *crazyfish* 
I lost my baby at 18 weeks last week. I understand what you are going through. For me, the pain comes in waves. I've done better when I keep myself busy but mornings and nights are still hard. Were you able to find any answers on why your baby was born so early?

I'm sorry for the loss of your baby. I relate to the pain coming in waves. One second you're doing ok and the next you lose it. I'm just waiting for the day that waves come less frequently.

When I checked into the hospital and they told me I was having preterm labor they said it was likely to be stress related. I begged for more information. My SO couldn't believe that it boiled down to just that. We were sure it had to be something else. Yes, I've been stressed but for stress to cause this? All along my doctor warned me about my stress level and blood pressure as I was pretty worked up going through a divorce. I'd been having issues since a month into my pregnancy and each time my doctor blamed stress and I assured him and everyone I was fine and it had to be something else. Maybe I can't accept stress being the reason as it means I could have done so much to prevent it. Stress = me being the reason. Stress means I am why she's gone. I still struggle with it daily and I probably always will.


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## Seedlings (Dec 20, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss







. Your doctor is terrible for saying that stressed caused your loss. Lily knows she was loved and cared by you while she was with you. They may never find out why you have suffered a loss and your doc saying stress caused it is just his opinoin. Never mind that.


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## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

I am so sorry Momma,
this is a very painful road but you don't have to travel it alone now that you have found us. We are here for you.









I lost my son 3 months ago today and some days it hurts more than I can bear...









Lily


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