# first moon party



## proudmomof4 (Aug 29, 2006)

My only daughter just turned 13, so the first menstruation should be close. I have talked about the female cycle with her and she got some information at school (part of the curriculum in Germany). Also, she was a breastfeeding toddler and has witnessed / is still witnessing her 3 younger brothers breastfeeding. All children were born at home, so she got her share of "how babies are born", even though she was never present during the actual birth. However, I would like to honor the occasion with a "rite of passage". Anyone out there who celebrated her daughter's menarche somehow?


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## Momma Lou (Sep 8, 2006)

I have been curious about this myself. I feel that when my daughter starts there should be something done to honor her and her change. She still is young (9) but I would like to do something special for her.


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## *GreenMama* (Jan 5, 2006)

I'm going to look for some links for you, but you should post the question in the Pagan group in Spirituality. Its a big deal in that religion to honor the passing from Maiden (child age) to Mother (menstrual age) to Crone (menopause age.) There are beautiful rituals, poems, blessings, etc to help welcome your daughter into the land of mother.

Oh, and please don't feel you must be pagan or agree with the religion to ask the question. Everyone there is very accepting and NOBODY would try to convert you!










BTW, I think its beautiful to honor your daughter in that way.


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## proudmomof4 (Aug 29, 2006)

Thank you for your comments so far. Maybe it would be a good idea to put this thread in a different forum - but how? I tried to look it up but I couldn't find it. Do I have to contact the moderator?


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## MsHelena (Jun 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *proudmomof4* 
Thank you for your comments so far. Maybe it would be a good idea to put this thread in a different forum - but how? I tried to look it up but I couldn't find it. Do I have to contact the moderator?

Unfortunately, you need to have 50 posts and 60 days on the board before you can post or read in the Spirituality forum.

There have been quite a few threads about how to celebrate a girl's menarche. This thread has a link to a bunch of other threads as well as a few ideas: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...t+menstruation


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## ilanam (Sep 27, 2006)

There's a great book out there that addresses some of these questions. Moon Mother, Moon Daughter; Myths & Rituals that Celebrate a Girl's Coming-of-Age by: Janet Lucy and Terri Allison. I bought it a year ago and have just started browsing it. My daughter is only 10 (almost 11) and just getting started in that department. But I'm planning. Good luck! I'm sure that anything that you do with be wonderful...such a thing is a demonstration of love and respect and your daughter will feel that no matter what you come up with! Aloha,


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## newmommy27 (Apr 22, 2005)

When started menstruating my mom and both grandmother made it a big deal...we had a super special woman only dinner and they each shared their feelings about me becoming a woman...it was a great lesson learned about celebrating womanhood...I so look forward to having my little girl so I can keep this tradition alive


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## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Not to throw a wrench in your plans, but I would have been mortified if my mother would have done anything like that! I know my daughter would have been as well.

I am sure different cultures see things differently, but I just wanted to share my feelings on the subject.


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## MillingNome (Nov 18, 2005)

Ever time I've seen a thread like this come up there are always those that say they would *die* if their mom had made it a big deal... Guess I'm in that bunch! OTOH, I don't want my daughter to feel that way.

I posted to the Pagen thread to see if maybe anyone from there would come over here to give any suggestions. I myself don't really have any based on a terrible lack of creativity at the moment.


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## GoldBerry (Oct 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *proudmomof4* 
I would like to honor the occasion with a "rite of passage".









Good for you! Yes, honor this occasion! I think it can be done without embarrassing the heck out her too.

My daughters are 2 and 6, but I have imagined taking them out to eat at a nice restaurant and giving them a special piece of jewelery (something like Greenlee's wonderful pendant .

It really all depends on the girl. What does she like? A day at a spa? Getting some beautiful henna/ menhandi? What ever will make her feel special and show that it is a beautiful exciting day.









Here is an article that you might like to read.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

My dd started this last spring & I so wanted to do something for her. She forbid it...thought I was nuts!!! She did not want her dad to know. Not sure why as we had talked about this for a while, but when it came down to it...she wanted nothing of it. So....I took her to Barnes & Noble for a new book & a iced mocha & chocolate cheesecake. (I think, no I know...she liked the drink & cake best!!!!) I felt good "doing something" & she got something low key.


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

I would have been MORTIFIED if my Mom did something like this, but then again, my Mom was never really open about stuff like this when I was growing up......she always "hid" when she was on her period and was weirded out about me seeing her naked......so I was brought up in a somewhat "closed-minded" household. I would hope that I could do *something* special for my DD when the time comes being that I plan on raising her differently than I was raised, But MY MOM wanted to make a TAMPON CAKE. You get the picture.


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

My parents had a huge feast and celebration. I was embarassed, but grateful. It was a very important part of my life that I will pass onto my own daughters.


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## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

Lurking.

I'd have been mortified had my mom even attempted anything to "celebrate" my menses. Heck - I'd had it for 2 years before she found out about it at all, because I didn't feel it was something I could share with her.

I think (in hindsight) that if she'd done something small and low-key - a special dinner out at a "grown-up" restaurant or the like - it might have gone okay. But a fancy thing, or involving my step-dad - BAD.


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## aniT (Jun 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LizaBear* 
I think (in hindsight) that if she'd done something small and low-key - a special dinner out at a "grown-up" restaurant or the like - it might have gone okay. But a fancy thing, or involving my step-dad - BAD.

How about sending your stepdad to buy you pads and not even having the forthought to GET THEM FROM HIM and give them to you herself? Or, telling your ex-stepdad becuase you were going there for a visit who then tells his girl friend so you get "the talk" from her. WTF?

I really think that was the last time I told my mom ANYTHING.


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## crazycandigirl (Mar 13, 2006)

My dd is only 7, but I started my cycles when I was 9 so its not too far off. I plan on pulling together a basket, with books about whats going on with her body, fertility, health, ect, Some nice bath products, Several different options of protection (cloth pads, disposible pads, junior tampons, ect), and a calender or set of cyclebeads. She is already so excited that one day she will grow breasts
(for nursing babies as well as looks), and that her body will develop so that she can have babies some day. I am hoping to keep this excitement about becoming a woman alive. Besides that we will probally do a simple ritual involving the moon, bake a cake, and talk a lot. Totally diffrent from what my mother did, and something that my daughter will really enjoy.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

My daughter would have been embarrassed too. And I have to tell you, after more than 30 years of the wretched "curse", I will celebrate when it stops!! lol


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## arelyn (Mar 24, 2006)

Here getting your first period is a HUGE deal. If it happens in school the girl get's ushered home by the school nurse. She stays with her while Amma consults an astrologer to see when the auspicious time to begin celebrating will be (which is flexible if she has upcoming exams). The girl remains in the house until that day and doesn't have to do any of her usual chores. The clothes she was wearing when she menstruated are given away (inclusing jewelry) and she wears a new white outfit everyday until the special day arrives. They she is given a ritual bath, a new outfit (usually her first sari) and a new gold chain and pendant. After this she is allowed to look in the mirror for the first time since her period began (I'm not sure why on this one). Then there is a HUGE party that the whole neighboorhood comes to that goes on sometimes for days (the one across the street from us started with fireworks at 4:30 in the morning [scaring the crap out of us] and went for three days). Now inviting the neighbors will probably not work in most Western countries (here it is a public matter as menstruating girls aren't allowed to play with boys) but a new grown up looking dress and jewelry plus a day off school/chores might do nicely!

DH tells me that his mom took them out for a special meal for their first period/nocturnal ejaculation. Only the child and mom knew what the occassion was (though he was informed of his younger siblings and told not to tell them he knew) so not to be embarrassing.


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## Aguazul (Sep 16, 2006)

I feel really bad because my oldest DD started almost a year ago and I never even thought to do anything to celebrate that time. We had talked about it for a long time, so she knew what to expect and all, but when the time came, I had never heard of doing anything special. Not until the past couple of months did I read some mention of this and start to do some reading. I'd love to do something now, but I'm thinking that it wouldn't really have any meaning since its a year after she first started.

Man, I really wish I'd learned so much before I ever had kids (or at least while they were still little







)


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## chellemarie (Jan 17, 2003)

My dd isn't there yet, but I've thought that I'd take her to get her ears pierced and I'd get mine done a second time. But she's really, really not wanting to get her ears pierced because it will hurt and that child would encase herself in bubble wrap if I let her. She will *almost* run into something and say, "Ow!"

So I'm thinking an economy size bottle of Motrin, maybe?


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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *primjillie* 
My daughter would have been embarrassed too. And I have to tell you, after more than 30 years of the *wretched "curse"*, I will celebrate when it stops!! lol

This is why I am happy my parents had a feast and celebration. I had to sit in the middle of over 30 guests while they each took turns speaking to me about the importance of becoming a woman. I never felt like my period/moon was a curse, but more of a fact of life and the difference between being a girl and a woman.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

You are lucky then. I have had terrible problems with the "curse" for years and am now probably facing surgery, so I may have a warped image. My mother, sisters and daughter have problems too, so none of us look at it with starry eyes and celebrate it. I also don't think just getting your period makes you a woman - there is much more to it. I also believe different cultures have different ways of looking at and that is fine too!


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## mmace (Feb 12, 2002)

I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.


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## SusanElizabeth (Jun 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mmace* 
I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.


This sounds like a very nice idea to me. I'll keep it in mind. It's something special but it doesn't seem embarassing at all.


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## Mama Dragon (Dec 5, 2005)

Glad for this thread, my DD started this morning







I knew it's been coming with all the emotional stuff she's been going through!







I love the earring idea, I think I'll get her a pair while we're out getting her supplies.


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## proudmomof4 (Aug 29, 2006)

Thanks for all those replies. I think I like the idea with the basket (book, shower gel and the like), maybe with a little celebration with some special female friends. Maybe every guest could decorate a pebble stone - something red for the occasion.
I also found an article in the Mothering archives, the title was something like "first moon party" (just like the thread I started here - probably that was some rudimentary memory







).


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## katjab (Nov 1, 2006)

My youngest is 12 and I'm hoping to have a nice celebration that includes her two older sisters and other women in the family and friendship cirle when she first bleeds. Also, I'm currently in a women's studies course and plan to write my term paper on that subject, so I need to hear all ideas on that subject.
When our last daughter startet I had just received the weeping willow she had wanted and my husband, the children and I gathered around the hole she had dug and watched her plant the tree. My husband said something to the effect that he hoped she would not have to weep much with monthly periods, but if she had to, she now had a place to do some of that weeping.

Hans(1884), Ian(1986, Liese(1989), Charlotte(1991) and Sessili(1994)


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## Verity (Aug 29, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chellemarie* 
So I'm thinking an economy size bottle of Motrin, maybe?











My older dd is about to turn 9, and I am thinking her first period is still a long way off (I didn't start until I was almost 15), but you never know. Surely there will be physical cues--she won't just start when her body is still so little girl-ish, will she?

She would be mortified to have the whole family's attention drawn to her for something so personal. For her, it would have to be something VERY low-key. I like the idea of earrings, but her ears aren't pierced yet, and I'm trying to hold off on that as long as possible. I guess it depends on how old she is when she starts.


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

My mother is soooo modest when it comes to her body.







She has passed this trait on to all her seven daughters. She was always embarrassed about her periods. My oldest sister was mortified when our mother told our father she needed pads. Their second daughter didn't tell anyone but me (#3) when she started.








I was a different kind of bird. I was proud. I wanted a celebration. I got a trip to Ames with my big sis & her best friend. They ditched me in the feminine products aisle to swoon over a clerk in the electronics department. Mama had been too embarrassed to come along.







:

I like the idea of the special women in your life coming together to celebrate. Low-key - maybe gifting jewerly, a journal, chocolate, reading poetry. Red Tent - esque. This is my plan for our daughters. Hopefully something that cements our bond and feels more like our relationship is growing than me tormenting them.
Certainly not parading them around & announcing to _everyone..._ However, I hope that our dds will have a close enough bond/trust with dh that they wouldn't be mortified that he _knows_.


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## Amber Lion (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi All,
Elizabeth Davis, a prominant midwife, has written a lot about Blood Mysteries. She has some great ideas about Menarche celebrations and why they are important to our daughters.

http://www.elizabethdavis.com/mysteries.html

I think the most important part is that this is your DAUGHTER'S celebration, and so she should be the one to pick what happens. Suggest ideas of course, but you shouldn't force a public party on her anymore than you should ignore this special time in her life. The point is to make her moon a celebration of her womanhood, not a curse or something to be ashamed about. If she picks something special that she is comfortable with this will be a validation of her ability to have control over her own life now. It will also start off her relationship with her body in a positive way, instead of learning that her moon is dirty and she should hide it.

Some simple ideas to include:

Buy her a red shirt, dress, scarf, or other clothing item that she can wear every month when she bleeds.

Buy a red piece of jewelry for the same purpose, to wear every month when she is bleeding.

Eat red foods at the party!

Have a group of her friends and family members (women) tell the stories of their own menarche, good and bad. Have them share their favorite parts about their moons and why they are proud to be women.

HTH!


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## njbeachgirl (Oct 8, 2006)

My mom took me out for a fancy sushi lunch (sushi was and still is one of my favorites)... I definitely would celebrate with my daughter as well!!! I think it's awesome that you are celebrating her impending womanhood with her. Periods get so much bad press that it's easy to forget that they are part of the amazing cycle of life


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## Lambsauce (Nov 13, 2006)

Wow, this is great. I never knew that people actually celebrate menarche, my mother taught me more or less nothing about it except that it was something I should be ashamed of... so all that happened when I got my period for the first time was that I ruined about fifteen pairs of underwear, having no clue how to organize an operation to steal pads from my mother








I especially like the idea of getting a day off school for this! And maybe a special dinner... though the person I was at 11 would NOT have wanted ANYONE (especially icky boys) to know why said special dinner was happening


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## ani'smama (Nov 12, 2004)

I gave dd a basket of things on her 10th birthday(I was 12 when I started, but dh's sisters were 9, so who knows when she will start). I put cloth pads, natural disposable pads, a rice-filled mini-pillow that can be heated in the microwave and used for cramping, a couple books,and a blood Jasper stone in it. She really loved the gift and has been reading up on what to expect. When the time arrives, I think we will do something special together, just the two of us. And, we have agreed that she can have her ears pierced at that time as well.


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## anj119 (Sep 19, 2002)

oh my gosh i thought my eyes were going to get stuck permanently up in the back of my skull. Where they rolled each of the probably half-dozen times menstruation is referred to, seriously, as 'The Curse'. I also thought that, by the gasp and horror of their contrived reactions, some of the voices seemed like attempts to shame anyone expressing a wish to recognize and celebrate this rite of passage.

To turn away from our daughters at this time, to refuse to recognize the significance of this event for them, this does not honor them or spare them embarrassment. It is not a respectful way to behave.... ignoring the elephant in the room, heads buried in the sand.
I am most in agreement with those women who have expressed sensitivity toward their daughters own wishes for the occasion. Who have seized upon the moment, but not as their own. Those that have been mindful, openly inviting and encouraging their daughters expressions, and whose intent is to honor those expressions.

It is important for us to be supportive and loving and non-shaming. For those who have a difficult time with the issue of menstruation, for those who experience menstruation that is a painful and difficult reminder of illness and suffering, I want to say something: If the best you can do is _pretend_ not to have negative feelings..... i say go for the Oscar! If the only two options for your daughters inheritance are: A) be totally honest with her about how sexual maturity, womanhood, ovulation and menstruation have saddled you with unbearable shame and suffering. Expressing all of your embarrassment and disgust and dissatisfaction, expressing real surprise that somehow, despite shame so deep you're sure you'd *die* if anybody ever found out ...yet... _somehow_ you've managed to carry on. Presenting yourself as her role-model, you can encourage her to follow your courageous footsteps and march her along into this vision of hell; her curse, her cross to bear.
OR
You can suck it up and put on your game face and have a run at practiced objectivity. You could run it over it in the mirror a few times to be sure it was passable....you don't want to look as if someone were holding a small turd beneath your nose. But you don't have to be doing some dippy loony clown thing either..... you could just aim for a tone of acceptance and an expression in your eyes of love and you could keep your words informational.... you don't have to profess this appreciation of the magic and wonder of womanhood if you don't feel it.

I think if thats the best you can do......... right on. You should do it.
I think if there are others with the ability to do more, why would you want to discourage them from doing so?
It has just now occurred to me that those women who find their bodies and their menstrual cycles disgusting do not realize that their vision is skewed, and so my advice is worthless and irritating.

What can we do to eliminate this poisonous distorted image of menstruation as a shameful secret...... something which lurks beneath the surface smacking its jaws in anticipation....... something to be banished into the darkness else we be 'found out'..... ?

will we ever get there?
-anj119


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## cjanelles (Oct 22, 2005)

Wonder if maybe you should run the idea by your daughter before you focus too much energy on a grand ritual?

I love the idea of doing something to commemorate this passage into womanhood...but I can think of a million things that could go wrong with an idea like this...but it may totally be a cultural thing, though...women are taught to be shamed by their bodies and its processes in my neck of these Southern woods (US)...I mean, my dad berated me and punished me for getting blood on a bath towel when I was 12 years old...that's the kind of squeamish, misogynistic message that lots of women get around here.

That being said, it would seem to be a GREAT idea to celebrate this happening...except that your daughter might be terrible embarassed and unwelcoming to such an idea.

Also, I worry about the rites of passage into "womanhood" or "manhood" in this day and age...it is so different now than when our ancient mothers and fathers performed such rituals. I worry that a girl who has gone through a rite of passage into womanhood might mistakenly come to believe that now that she's a "woman" she should be doing more womanly things...like having sex, etc.

Of course, we know our daughters best. And really, I'm speaking of girls and young women in a really abstract sense here...sort of just rambling with my thoughts. Sorry to go on...just wanted to share.

I'm interested to know how this works out for you and your daughter. My little girl is 9, but we have always been very open and candid about body-stuff, and I'm curious to know how we'll deal with this particular rite in our own home.

Good luck finding what you need.


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## proudmomof4 (Aug 29, 2006)

Actually, I did ask for my daughter's input in the matter. But I wanted to get some kind of inspiration which is exactly what is happening on this forum right now.
So, just yesterday Luise told me if "it" should happen pretty soon she would like the idea of a party. In case she should be older she told me she would like to keep it low-key - she doesn't want to be labeled as a "late bloomer". (It was a comfort for her that I was "already" 14 1/2 years old when I started having my period. Also, I told her that she is lucky regarding some studies on breast cancer risk.)
Anyway, I have started a "first moon gift basket" (body oil, natural and washable pads and the like).


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## mirlow (Nov 20, 2001)

My 11 yr old started her period in Oct. It really took me by surprise. I was 13 when I started so I thought it would be some time.
My neighbor really wanted to be part of a celebration, but I decided to just have it be a special moment for the two of us. We went out and I got her a new red shirt, we went out for pizza and then we went to the bookstore and I got her a New Moon Magazine. She loved the magazine so I got her a subscription. We had a nice time together, and I gave her some advice along the way.


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## Fiddlemom (Oct 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lambsauce* 
Wow, this is great. I never knew that people actually celebrate menarche, my mother taught me more or less nothing about it except that it was something I should be ashamed of... so all that happened when I got my period for the first time was that I ruined about fifteen pairs of underwear, having no clue how to organize an operation to steal pads from my mother

Whoa, Allie--did we grow up in the same family?









I have boys but I love reading this thread and hearing how all you women out there are thinking of your daughters and honoring them in the way that speaks to you & your family....very healing for me to read and makes me start thinking about the coming of age rituals that we may contemplate for our boys in the next (gulp) 6 to 10 years.

Jenny


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

anj119~ thank you for you impassioned post.









our periods should not be seen as a curse, that is such a negative way to look at it. I have a hard enough time with the term "aunt flow", as though we have to 'hide' our sacred moon time with some silly cover-up term. "aunt flow is visiting...







"

we are in the 21st century, time to evolve.<raises eyebrows>


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## urchin_grey (Sep 26, 2006)

My mom was *very* open about her period and actually used tampons in front of me (probably on a monthly basis







) But for some reason, I still didn't tell her that I had started until my second period came around. I wasn't embarrassed *because* I was on my period but I was 14 and a half (NOT 11-12 ish like a lot of girls) so I was way pass the "little girl stage" and in that stage where I just felt like not telling my mom about anything that was going on in my life for the heck of it.







Plus, my second sister who is 2 and half years younger, was already getting boobies while I had just started to get them before her. And I was constantly hearing "I bet Mallory will start before Carly" and when you are that age, its annoying to hear that your younger sister is "better" than you in anyway. I say better because it was actually the "cool" thing in Jr. High. I remember in P.E. class especially, a lot of the girls would make it well known that they needed a tampon or something in the locker room to gain respect or something. But I didn't follow the crowd. I made it well known that I hadn't started yet (until I did of course).









ETA: FTR, I just wanted to say that I don't really *say* Auntie Flo, though I do use the abbreviation "AF" online. I don't know anyone who actually says "Aunt Flo" out loud. I'm only 21 though so maybe that's why? The slang term I've always heard was "on the rag". Kinda gross though. LOL


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## Sepia (Oct 7, 2003)

all my kids (ds 10, ds 8 and dd6) are familiar with menstruation, simply because none of us ever closes the bathroom door.
I would say my mom was uptight about a lot of things, but when i started my period at age 11 she was genuinely excited for me. We didn't have a celebration, but she did tell me congratulations and it meant a lot







I am grateful that i never got the message that it was a curse.


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## Vellorian (Nov 20, 2006)

My daughter is almost 11. She knows she's about to enter puberty and is _extremely_ embarassed by it. We are not allowed to _mention_ it around anyone outside our family and her preference is to exclude even her sisters from any discussion.

If we were to mention anything to Grandma about it in front of her, it would be the end of the world.

Upon reading this thread, I asked her if she'd like a celebration of some sort, "sort of like a birthday party" for her "becoming a woman"--no specific references to a first period or anything of the kind.

She was _mortified_.

"I don't want _anyone_ even _knowing_ when it happens!"

In such a situation is it worthwhile to pursue the discussion further? It's no skin off my nose either way, I just thought that later in life, looking back, she might like a memory to accentuate the moment of her transition from girl to woman.

Personally, I like the idea of having a ceremony for the "coming of age" whether male or female. But how do you deal with the situation when the one you are celebrating is so adamantly against it?


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## Amber Lion (Sep 22, 2006)

You could try asking her if she would be into just a special day out with Mom and/or Dad, maybe a small gift? Explain that it is a very special time, not something to be ashamed of but celebrated somehow, and that you respect her desire for privacy and so would like to know what you could do to celebrate it with her that would be acceptable? I think you can't throw a party when the celebratoree doesn't want to be there!







And that's also kind of the point, it's HER menarche, so it's HER celebration - whatever she does or does not want.

Good luck, and in the end if she really doesn't want ANYTHING, then... just give her a hug and a smile.


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## Vellorian (Nov 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Amber Lion* 
Good luck, and in the end if she really doesn't want ANYTHING, then... just give her a hug and a smile.









...and a bottle of Motrin?














:







:

(Sorry, my silly sense of humor is popping out...)


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Vellorian* 
...and a bottle of Motrin?














:







:

(Sorry, my silly sense of humor is popping out...)










huh? what is that? I, personally have NEVER had painful periods, and it's just wrong to aSSume that anyone would, or should. Actually, pain, is usually a sign of a problem.


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## Jenny_Jane (Nov 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies* 
This is why I am happy my parents had a feast and celebration. I had to sit in the middle of over 30 guests while they each took turns speaking to me about the importance of becoming a woman. I never felt like my period/moon was a curse, but more of a fact of life and the difference between being a girl and a woman.

exactaly what happened to me . Sooooooooo............what i did for my dds knowing they would be embarassed (dont know your dd's personality) when they had their first period/moon *we girles only* had dinner


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## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

Being the daughter of a midwife, my own daughter has been exposed to so many different ideas about the circle of life. I'm thrilled that she has always been excited to start her moon.

And yesterday, while at school, she did! She will be 13 in July and I felt like it was coming soon. What's even more interesting is that she started the same day that my girlfriend and I started ours!

She has always said she wanted a Red Moon party and I'm relieved that it didn't take longer for her to start - she could have ended up too embarassed. I think it's great she still wants to do this.

This thread has been awesome. Any more ideas?


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## Lambsauce (Nov 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pamamidwife* 
Being the daughter of a midwife, my own daughter has been exposed to so many different ideas about the circle of life. I'm thrilled that she has always been excited to start her moon.

And yesterday, while at school, she did! She will be 13 in July and I felt like it was coming soon. What's even more interesting is that she started the same day that my girlfriend and I started ours!

She has always said she wanted a Red Moon party and I'm relieved that it didn't take longer for her to start - she could have ended up too embarassed. I think it's great she still wants to do this.

This thread has been awesome. Any more ideas?


Wow, congratulations to your dd!
I'd heard before that women living together will have synced cycles, but I'd never heard that apply to one getting hers for the first time--that's really interesting!


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## teachermom (Nov 21, 2001)

we had a coming of age party for my ds at fourteen. we decided years ago that 14 would be the age we celebrated and we worked for the year leading up to it on gaining more responsibility. I left it up to him on whether to share with others why the big party. he told only a few friends, though he invited everyone we knew.

my dd has no interest in a big party to celebrate her first moon (which she hasn't had yet). we are putting together a box of cloth pads, homeopathic pms meds, a red candle, good chocolate, practical stuff like a set/dry bag, and a piece of jewelery. I also plan on doing a nice dinner out for just us two (we may invite my mom if dd wants).


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## shantimama (Mar 11, 2002)

My dd's are 7 and 9 so we aren't there yet, but we have talked about it already. They have asked questions about my cycle and I have been telling them ever since I can remember thaht it will be a special day in their lives when it begins for them. I have told them I wil buy them a red rose, some chocolate and that we can go out together for a pedicure. They love the idea. Of course I will listen to how they feel when the time comes too.

I like the idea of a gift basket with chocolate, oil, etc in it - at what age would you introduce a cup like the Diva to a girl?


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

I don't think I have any ideas to add that haven't already been mentioned here. I only have boys right now, but if I ever have a girl I'm going to make a HUGE deal out of her first moon







And a positive deal, too. I started my period when I was 10 and my mother was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. She got everyone in the whole freaking family so worked up about the whole thing, everyone took PITY on me. I felt like crawling into a cave and never coming back out. My periods were long, heavy, I had horrible cramps, passed large clots regularly, it was ugly, and I wonder if it wasn't my whole family being so negative about it that made it worse. My cycles finally calmed down when I was about 15, and really calmed down during the short time I was on the Pill. Now I've had two children and my periods are pain-free and normal. It makes me sad that everyone in my family kind of ruined what is supposed to be a happy occasion for a young girl.


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## teachermom (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shantimama* 
I like the idea of a gift basket with chocolate, oil, etc in it - at what age would you introduce a cup like the Diva to a girl?

I think it depends on the girl. I use a diva cup and dd has seen me use it. at this point her attitude is "I won't have to put anything up there will I? " with a worried look on her face. I have told her she can use pads as long as she likes and when/if she wants to try something else then we can look at the options.


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## Lambsauce (Nov 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Shantimama* 
at what age would you introduce a cup like the Diva to a girl?

ITA with that it depends on the girl. You could probably discuss it with her after or even before menarche, show her their website if she seems interested. It all depends on her personality and how comfortable she is with herself--and even if, as a virgin, she is physically able to insert it.

Like, with me, I was thrilled when I found out about the Diva, because I'm the kind of person who can't stand pads of any form and I don't mind putting things up there, nor do I mind the sight of the blood in the cup. Also, I never had much of a hymen to get in the way of putting it in.
On the flip side, my best friend, judging by her personality, would HATE it. She cannot stand the sight of blood, and she seems to be the sort who would be really squeamish about touching herself in any way.

I'd say the best way to do it is to give her her options and allow her to choose what she feels most comfortable with.


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## majazama (Aug 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mama Poot* 
I started my period when I was 10 and my mother was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D. She got everyone in the whole freaking family so worked up about the whole thing, everyone took PITY on me. I felt like crawling into a cave and never coming back out. My periods were long, heavy, I had horrible cramps, passed large clots regularly, it was ugly, and I wonder if it wasn't my whole family being so negative about it that made it worse. My cycles finally calmed down when I was about 15, and really calmed down during the short time I was on the Pill. Now I've had two children and my periods are pain-free and normal. It makes me sad that everyone in my family kind of ruined what is supposed to be a happy occasion for a young girl.









... I was mortified of my period, without anyones input. if they started doing "the talk" with me, I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. So that must have been very harsh for you.

much love,
~jaz


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## lesley&grace (Jun 7, 2005)

I remember the night I started my period...my mom was out and my dad and I were watching TV. I realized when I went to the bathroom. I came back out, Dad looked at me and asked if I was ok (I must not have looked so good), I snapped "I'm FINE!!!", asked when mom was going to be home, then announced I was going to bed. I later found out that Dad told Mom when she got home "I don't know what I did, but Lesley's really upset with me." Poor guy...he had to deal with me going through puberty and my mom going through a 3rd pregnancy. He's lucky to have survived









But as I was reading through the posts, I was thinking how nice it would have been to acknowledge this event in some way. I had heard of others who had done something, usually a special mother-daughter night out, and wished my mom had done something like that. So I have resolved that when my daughter reaches her milestone we will have a whole day to celebrate.

Then I looked over at my wee girl, at 22 months grinning impishly at me from the pile of stuffed animals she was sitting....and burst into tears at the thought of her growing up. Pregnancy horomones and Sappy Mommy Syndrome strikes again!


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## mrskennedy (Dec 24, 2006)

I'd ask her if she wants to do something to "celebrate," and if she does, ask what she wants to do. Personally, if I hadn't been asked and there'd been a big party or something, I would have been thoroughly embarrassed! So see what she'd feel comfortable with. Or perhaps you could suggest a party, dinner out with you or a girl friend, etc. Nice idea to give her the option of some celebration, though, since sexuality is usually something people don't talk about, much less celebrate, until pregnancy and/or birth.


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## egwtme (Feb 9, 2007)

I am so glad to see a big long thread all about celebrating menarche! The way a girl experiences menarche and the first few years of her menstrual experience tends to be how she views menstruation for the rest of her life (short of an intervening event or interest).

I would encourage you to start discussing menstruation with your daughter no later than when she first begins to show any signs of maturation (typically breast buds are the first noticable sign). If she is not yet developing, I would urge some basic information be given in fourth grade. Regardless of when you start, the key is to keeping the door open for frequent communication now and as she matures. This must be a natural and normal part of your interaction as mother and daughter and not a special TALK or one time event.

As for the actual party or celebration -- make it HER event. Allow her to play a role in the planning. And, if she is not ready to celebrate publically, then just have a special family celebration.

I have led and participated in several Menarche Celebrations. Those that flow best are those that match the daughter's personality and maturity with an event that is meaningful and special in her eyes.

Let me know if I can be of help in a more directed way or to answer any specific questions.


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## ChelseaG (Oct 29, 2004)

My DD is quite a way away from this - but I hope to celebrate her transition to womanhood (if she will let me) and continue the family tradition of a gift of jewelry. My mom bought me a very nice ring the day I started my period for the first time - and gave it to me with a card that said "Welcome to Womanhood - use it wisely". It made it really special and made me proud to be a woman.


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## vancouverlori (Sep 5, 2003)

Wow, DD was 10 when she got her first period. Sadly, she was away with her dad's family at his house (across the continent) when it started. And since she was dealing with major pain/medical issues at the time, I don't think we did much. I think I did buy her a piece of jewelery.

At the beginning of that school year, I got a presentiment that it might happen soon. Apparently it's often linked to reaching about 100lbs. I was nearly 14 when I got mine, but my heavier-set sister got hers at 11. Anyway, I helped her choose a little bag to keep some supplies in in case it started at school. I knew full well that she would be mortified. So her care package included 2 pads, a little baggie (for dirty undies) and a clean pair of undies.

So far she's doing well (it's been 2 years), but she's a little careless about discarding her used pads - eek. I finally explained to her that if she doesn't want to pick up her stepdad's _clean_ underwear, how much less does he want to pick up a pair of underwear with a used pad stuck to it?









My mom was fairly open about it, so I felt comfortable switching to tampons pretty early on. Emily switched almost immediately - to applicator-free ones, no less. She might be game for a Diva cup - I'll have to suggest it to her. She also gets terrible terrible cramps and occasionally takes too much Motrin so she feels ill.







: But I think that's hormonal imbalance more than anything else. Up until a few months ago, she frequently got mid-cycle spotting that was almost as bad as a period. Fortunately that seems to have stopped.

Anyhoo, I think the celebration should definitely reflect the interest of the guest of honour! Emily might have been game for a dinner out with me, but otherwise, not so much. Maybe if she was only getting it now, it might be more celebratory for her, but at that point it was not. ETA: in cultures where such celebrations are the norm, then girls look forward to being made much of in such a way, but here, where we try to hide any sign of bodily functions, it would depend much more on your child's temperament and your own family dynamics.

I do like the idea of celebrating boys' coming of age too. Would I be looking for the first sign of "sticky wet spots on the bed" as my high school buddies referred to it?

-Lori


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## mpeel (Nov 20, 2001)

I strongly believe the more a woman views her menstruation as normal and worth celebrating, the less trouble it will be for her. I have a party planned with adult female friends for my daughters' rite of passage. We will offer advice, do fun stuff. My DH will take each one to get her ears pierced when she starts. I will give her some nice cotton pads and discuss other options with her. They could not wear disposable diapers and I can't wear commericial pads so she may be limited to cotton pads. Overall though, it will be a time of celebration.


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## Valian (Oct 16, 2005)

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read all the replies but I'll just share my own experiences being on the daughter end.

I started at my moon at age 11, and my Mom had a number of friends whom I was very close to and they let me know they wanted to have a celebration for me. I was excited but nervous, very open to the idea. The one big obstacle to the entire thing is that they left it up to me to tell them what I wanted.

Honestly, I didn't have the words to really talk a rite of passage ceremony. None of my friends had a celebration and though I had certainly been to various ceremonies as a child, I wasn't really capable of giving them what they were asking me for--direction. They wanted me to be involved, but by giving me such freedom and choice, I had no place to begin, felt overwhealmed and it sort of collapsed.

They took my silence as disinterest when in fact I desperately wanted this, but needed them to begin with setting the space for a discussion, offering ideas and giving me sound boundaries or ideas to begin dreaming with. The final creation did involve my input but was based on my own narrow ideas so it was a small intimate party. It was surely a nice celebration, but very much stripped of the emotion, spirtuality, and power of a real ceremony. It did not really function as a rite of passage ceremony, kwim? This is one of the very few regrets in my life, that such potential with such willingness on all sides, went unmet.


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