# Questions about my circumsized teen DS?



## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

i regrettably had my son circ'ed when he was born. i was young, didn't know better, and wasn't told any better. I am now against it. I have apologized to him as well. i feel real bad about it. i was never told about what could go wrong. thankfully there never seemed to be a problem. there probably isnt one now either, but I have a question. How can you tell if they removed too much skin? I have become worried that I may have harmed him in some way (other than the obvious harm due to circ). What do I look for to see if he will have a problem as an adult man? He is starting all the stuff with puberty. He has been having erections and stuff, but has never complained of pain.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I would ask him to come to you if he experiences pain or has any concerns. I might also offer him some information on restoration just as reference, and leave it totally up to him whether he feels he wants to or needs to pursue it, and I'd also tell him I'll help with costs or books or whatever if he wants.

Mainly, I would make it a very neutral conversation and let him come to his own conclusion if he is OK with his body.... but to let him know that he doesn't have to struggle alone without help if he has any complications.

Other than that, I would give him privacy!


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

^^^ Yep!
Direct him to a restoration forum (check out the stickies up there) and let him know you will give him some financial backing. He doesn't have to go into detail with you about it, but you'll help him find resources if he wants to know/do more.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

so what do i look for? what signs are there? obviously pain is a sign, but is there one that shows before that?


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

Just like intact boys don't appreciate having their penises treated like a ticking time bomb, neither (I presume) do circ'd ones.

While there can be painful complications related to circ, don't be on the lookout for "signs." Explain to him what some of the complications can be, skin bridges, painful erections, etc. and tell him to come to you if he has any questions.

I'm doubtful he'd be down for a thorough examination of his penis with his mother, which sounds like you're interested in doing.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Papai* 
Just like intact boys don't appreciate having their penises treated like a ticking time bomb, neither (I presume) do circ'd ones.

While there can be painful complications related to circ, don't be on the lookout for "signs." Explain to him what some of the complications can be, skin bridges, painful erections, etc. and tell him to come to you if he has any questions.

I'm doubtful he'd be down for a thorough examination of his penis with his mother, which sounds like you're interested in doing.

i avoid looking at it thank you. i was just wondering if there was an early warning sign. he is my only son. i dont really know anything about the complications of circ. i wasnt informed 13 years ago and hadnt thought about it until i started on MDC. now i am worried about what i did.
what if he comes to me to ask a question and i dont understand that what he is concerned about could be a red flag for future problems? thats what i want to kow.


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## momto3boys (May 15, 2003)

I have a teenage son, who I too circ'd...regrettably. He's fine. He seems to really like taking showers









I wouldn't even ask him about his penis now. We don't talk about his circ or the fact that his brothers are intact. They know the difference. We've had the discussion.

Honestly, you would already know if he had a problem. He's not just suddenly getting erections. He's had them his whole life. You would've noticed skin bridges early on. The skin would've had to heal that way after the initial trauma. If he didn't have adhesions he should be fine.

Leave it alone. Puberty is a very private and somewhat confusing time. I never see my son naked anymore nor do I want to. If he had a problem I'd deal with it but I think it's you worried that you harmed him. He's fine. It's done. Forgive yourself (if you feel guilt) and move on. Soon enough he'll be out late, girls will be calling and dating. Then you'll really need to worry about his penis









And no I wouldn't "lead" him to restoration sites yet. Let him get a grip on his sexuality before making him feel inadequate by going there. I'm all for restoration. I WISH my husband would but there is a lot of anger (and rightfully so) on some of the message boards. It's a vulnerable time to introduce him to that. If he's mad about it and feeling inadequate then yeah. Go restore. But he may be perfectly fine with his member. It's a slippery slope to project.


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## neostudded (Sep 5, 2007)

Maybe this will help?
http://www.noharmm.org/IDcirc.htm#frenulum


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

thank you both. it is exactly what i needed!








i feel so much better now!


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Really, I don't think you can keep that close an eye on your teenage son's penis. You've given him information, and now I think you need to respect his privacy and let him decide how he feels and what (if anything) to do.


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## Fi. (May 3, 2005)

Quote:

The skin would've had to heal that way after the initial trauma.
I've heard of skin bridges forming later, I don't think it's JUST the initial trauma.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MeepyCat* 
Really, I don't think you can keep that close an eye on your teenage son's penis. You've given him information, and now I think you need to respect his privacy and let him decide how he feels and what (if anything) to do.

i am not trying to "keep an eye on it". i wanted info, pure and simple.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto3boys* 
I
And no I wouldn't "lead" him to restoration sites yet. Let him get a grip on his sexuality before making him feel inadequate by going there. I'm all for restoration. I WISH my husband would but there is a lot of anger (and rightfully so) on some of the message boards. It's a vulnerable time to introduce him to that. If he's mad about it and feeling inadequate then yeah. Go restore. But he may be perfectly fine with his member. It's a slippery slope to project.


I think that's a good point. I would not push restoration either. I think it's important with boys, just as with girls, to encourage communication if they have pain or concerns about their private parts (girls experiencing their first period, yeast infection, etc. etc. shouldn't struggle alone, and neither should boys who have concerns.)

I think restoration is more appropriate for adulthood than puberty, just in terms of the person making their own decision and having the maturity to do all the work associated with it.

I think your son is fine and yes to relax.


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## Yulia_R (Jan 7, 2006)

few good links for your ds if he decides to do a non-surgical restoration ( which is painless and very cheap, but does require alot of dedication)

*The National Organization of Restoring Men* http://www.norm.org/

*Foreskin Restoration Forum* (a lot of great info and support) http://frcchat.org/phpBB2/index.php

*Restoration Product Comparison* http://www.x-mail.net/restore/compare.htm


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## perspective (Nov 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LionessMom* 
i regrettably had my son circ'ed when he was born. i was young, didn't know better, and wasn't told any better. I am now against it. I have apologized to him as well. i feel real bad about it. i was never told about what could go wrong. thankfully there never seemed to be a problem. there probably isnt one now either, but I have a question. How can you tell if they removed too much skin? I have become worried that I may have harmed him in some way (other than the obvious harm due to circ). What do I look for to see if he will have a problem as an adult man? He is starting all the stuff with puberty. He has been having erections and stuff, but has never complained of pain.

Well, first of all, don't set him up with a bunch of questions that make it seem you are worried there is something wrong with him. He is entering the teen years, that means these are no longer issues you deal with. Yes, you made the mistake to circumcise him, but he is getting to the age where the problems are his. Attempting to get involved now is too late.

But there are still things you can do. What you can do is make sure you have healthy, open communication with your son. Make sure he goes to a foreskin friendly doctor, and that he also feels comfortable talking to that doctor. That way, if he has any problems with his penis he will feel comfortable enough to talk to some one about it and trying to find the closest thing to a resolution as possible for whatever problem he has.


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## tennisdude23 (Apr 2, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *perspective* 
Well, first of all, don't set him up with a bunch of questions that make it seem you are worried there is something wrong with him. He is entering the teen years, that means these are no longer issues you deal with. Yes, you made the mistake to circumcise him, but he is getting to the age where the problems are his. Attempting to get involved now is too late.

But there are still things you can do. What you can do is make sure you have healthy, open communication with your son. Make sure he goes to a foreskin friendly doctor, and that he also feels comfortable talking to that doctor. That way, if he has any problems with his penis he will feel comfortable enough to talk to some one about it and trying to find the closest thing to a resolution as possible for whatever problem he has.

I agree. Don't go asking him too many questions. Just make sure the channels of communication are open. He already knows your stance on circ. That's good enough for now.


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *momto3boys* 
Honestly, you would already know if he had a problem. He's not just suddenly getting erections. He's had them his whole life. You would've noticed skin bridges early on. The skin would've had to heal that way after the initial trauma. If he didn't have adhesions he should be fine.


I disagree with this based on personal experience, and having talked to a number of circumcised adult men. As far as skin bridges, that might be obvious from early on, however once a boy has hit puberty the size of his genitals become larger, and the erections are not the same. Being a partner to someone who has a typical tight midwestern circumcision I can say what we now know are problems caused by his tight circumcision he *thought* were all normal things that all boys experienced.







And, he thought they were all normal and most likely a typical teenage boy is not going to his parents with questions about it even if he suspected something was wrong during masturbation/erections.


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phatchristy* 
I disagree with this based on personal experience, and having talked to a number of circumcised adult men. As far as skin bridges, that might be obvious from early on, however once a boy has hit puberty the size of his genitals become larger, and the erections are not the same. Being a partner to someone who has a typical tight midwestern circumcision I can say what we now know are problems caused by his tight circumcision he *thought* were all normal things that all boys experienced.







And, he thought they were all normal and most likely a typical teenage boy is not going to his parents with questions about it even if he suspected something was wrong during masturbation/erections.

exactly. i thought that since puberty was changing things that something could crop up that we were previously unaware of. i dont want to examine him or anything, i just want to know what to say to him about what he should watch out for, or what he should be aware of. i want to tell him stuff without upseting anything.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *phatchristy* 
IBeing a partner to someone who has a typical tight midwestern circumcision I can say what we now know are problems caused by his tight circumcision he *thought* were all normal things that all boys experienced.







And, he thought they were all normal and most likely a typical teenage boy is not going to his parents with questions about it even if he suspected something was wrong during masturbation/erections.

May I ask what kind of problems he had? I'm curious to know what kinds of things came up, for future reference for my 2 oldest boys. Thanks!


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## phatchristy (Jul 6, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
May I ask what kind of problems he had? I'm curious to know what kinds of things came up, for future reference for my 2 oldest boys. Thanks!

Keep in mind he had the "traditional midwestern circ" which is rather agressive unfortunately. And, even for those who have less agressive circs, some men are "growers" as in they expand more than 50% when they have an erection. There's no way for the doctor to know that at birth.

Apparently there were a lot of negative sensations during masturbation that he didn't know where not normal until he gained enough skin from restoration. Also he used to have "injuries" from typical teenage behavior/exploration...the skin would sometimes split, chafing, irritation. There would be pain and tenderness at time.

The thing to remember is that during an adult erection you want them to have a lot of slack skin. If they have an erection and there is NO movement to the skin whatsoever (to the point that the scrotal skin is drawn up actually) that is a BAD sign. Masturbation should be pretty much effortless and non-irritating in it's normal state. It *may* be very wise if either of them have very tight immobile skin during an erection to suggests at least manual restoration (to gain some slack--they won't get as many 'injuries' that way) and some lubrication, like coconut oil. Masturbation with the circumcised penis is not the same as the natural penis, also, but I don't know how much I can get into that (UA considerations). Let's just put it this way, cut men/boys have to work much harder at it and be rougher, while those of us who are intact (like us women even) it doesn't take a lot of effort, there are a few peak intensity areas which evoke a *very* strong response. Intact individuals don't have to work so hard, it's more about what areas we concentrate on. The majority of men who are circ'd have had either their frenulums removed, or deadened by cutting (consider that the frenulum is often known as the "male clitoris" it evokes that sharp electric response that we women get with ours) and the vast majority of inner foreskin removed. Those areas are where the fine touch receptors on the penis are primarily located, since they are gone, they need to have many more areas stimulated more roughly to climax. It's a lot easier to pass that threshold in the brain when you have more sensitive nerve tissues to stimulate. And when there isn't much or any skin slack, and the area is treated roughly that can lead to injury.

Keep in mind this *does* get significantly more difficult for circumcised men as they age as well. Hormone tripped up young boys are at their peak (18 is the male's peak for a reason) and can compensate in other ways. Even older cut men do as well, a while back I read research that stated that circumcised men had higher levels of porn use, alternative sexual behavior and masturbation. It seems needing to compensate becomes more important with age.

I hope I was able to express the concerns without getting too specific.


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## Nautical (Mar 4, 2008)

I completely second everything the above poster said. My husband has a very tight circumcision and it has caused a lot of sexual problems for us both resulting in needing to see a doctor ~1-2 times a year. I do wish that his parents had said that if he ever had a problem with his penis that he could talk to them or to his doctor. However, he grew up thinking that any contact he had with his penis was sinful and didn't want to admit to having erections, let alone problems with them. When he got into college, he at least saw a doctor who was open to examining him and his problems (split skin, chaffing, lack of skin movement). Because of the issues that he had with the too tight skin on his penis, I also had the same problems of tearing and sores. We now just have to be very careful about having sex too long or too often







and always need to use lubrication.


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## knucklehead (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nautical* 
I completely second everything the above poster said. My husband has a very tight circumcision and it has caused a lot of sexual problems for us both resulting in needing to see a doctor ~1-2 times a year. I do wish that his parents had said that if he ever had a problem with his penis that he could talk to them or to his doctor. However, he grew up thinking that any contact he had with his penis was sinful and didn't want to admit to having erections, let alone problems with them. When he got into college, he at least saw a doctor who was open to examining him and his problems (split skin, chaffing, lack of skin movement). Because of the issues that he had with the too tight skin on his penis, I also had the same problems of tearing and sores. We now just have to be very careful about having sex too long or too often







and always need to use lubrication.

Is there any chance for restoration? I feel for the two of you.


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

Thanks. I am especially worried about my DS#2 whose circ is definitely tighter with less skin than DS#1. My husband has said he has no problems, but I do think his scrotal skin pulls during an erection, but we do OK and he never had problems with pain or skin splitting. DH is not interested in restoration and I think it will be a delicate subject in the family. It's kind of a fine line for us -- I want to make the boys comfortable and at the same time give them privacy. I want them to feel OK about knowing their bodies while at the same time setting expectations that sex is something special and discouraging porn (or at least giving them a sense that porn is not reality). It will be a balancing act!!! I think I will have to have some of the communication with the boys in private because my DH seems to prefer to not have to deal with it and seems uncomfortable.

I so wish that DS#2 were not so tight looking now because I worry for him, and now it's a very difficult matter of trying to help him. Unfortunately it may mean he needs to go through a difficult and tedious restoration process, if he chooses


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

The reason i originally posted this is b/c i think they took too much skin off of DS. i remember him as a baby and it looked quite close cut. Now DS is 13 and i dont look at him there. The last time he asked me to look at it was last year we he got a tick there and i had to remove it.








he has no problem with asking me questions about puberty and stuff. he even asks me about girls and what to say to them. but how do i say to him that he might have been cut too tight and i want him to let me know if he is having problems with his erections? what would be appropriate? maybe i could say something to the doc before his next physical to see if she could slide in a question to open the topic? idk. i am so confused and upset. i wish i had known then what i know now. :sad
i dont want to disrupt his privacy, i just want to make sure he can be happy, free from pain...


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

How about something like:

"Son, you know you were circumcised as an infant, and I'm sorry for that, it was a mistake for us to let that happen. Many men have lived through circumcision and been fine, but sometimes they can have problems or concerns about their private parts. If you ever have questions or problems or experience pain or discomfort with your penis or groin, please let me know so we can help."

I'm not exactly sure what kind of "help" is really available.... so that's tricky........ maybe it's "support you" or I don't know..... If you wanted to add something about restoration, you could say something like.

"Some circumcised men choose to restore their foreskin -- they work at stretching the penis shaft skin so it's more mobile and comfortable. I'll give you a web link if you want to learn about it, and if you want to do restoration now or later in life, we'll help you with whatever you need."

Maybe others can improve this?

(Side note ETA: I got a good look at DS#2's penis (2 years old) today and his frenulum looks good. There's less shaft skin than DS#1, but I was happy to see his frenulum and the underside of his penis looks looser than the top, FWIW.)


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## LionessMom (Mar 12, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KBecks* 
How about something like:

"Son, you know you were circumcised as an infant, and I'm sorry for that, it was a mistake for us to let that happen. Many men have lived through circumcision and been fine, but sometimes they can have problems or concerns about their private parts. If you ever have questions or problems or experience pain or discomfort with your penis or groin, please let me know so we can help."

I'm not exactly sure what kind of "help" is really available.... so that's tricky........ maybe it's "support you" or I don't know..... If you wanted to add something about restoration, you could say something like.

"Some circumcised men choose to restore their foreskin -- they work at stretching the penis shaft skin so it's more mobile and comfortable. I'll give you a web link if you want to learn about it, and if you want to do restoration now or later in life, we'll help you with whatever you need."

i like this. i will use this as inspiration.
i worry about my DS, as any mother should.


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## Bleu (Mar 6, 2004)

_Skin splitting?!?!?!?!_







Oh my. I'm so sorry for these men and their partners.









Wishing you all the best.


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## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

Quote:

Keep in mind this *does* get significantly more difficult for circumcised men as they age as well. Hormone tripped up young boys are at their peak (18 is the male's peak for a reason) and can compensate in other ways. Even older cut men do as well, a while back I read research that stated that circumcised men had higher levels of porn use, alternative sexual behavior and masturbation. It seems needing to compensate becomes more important with age.
Or even not that old, depending on the guy. I know a guy who's only 21 and often doesn't bother trying anymore when he's with someone because it's too much effort and can take him up to an hour. He didn't even know it was related to circ until I told him.

Maybe when your ds is a bit older (or even now if you feel comfortable) you could give him links to sites that have info about what some of the long term effects of circ are, so if any of them happen to him, he'll know the reason and know that it's not that there's something wrong with him?


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