# Miscarrying at 14 weeks



## MiriamF (Feb 8, 2006)

I just got back from an ultrasound that confirmed no heartbeat. I had a tiny bit of spotting a few hours ago, and other than that, no signs at all. I'm a bit distraught and a bit numb, but mostly I'm really afraid. I don't want to have a D&C but I am also traumatized by the thought of passing a dead fetus. I think I'd almost rather do surgery to avoid it. I don't want to see the fetus at all and I hate bleeding. Can someone tell me what to expect and how bad it is? I'm going to meet with the midwives tomorrow to tell me what our options are. We had a vacation planned to visit the in-laws in Michigan and we were going to leave on thursday but it looks like we'll have to cancel that. I'm really not thinking about anything but how to get this thing out of me... and it's really disturbing to me.


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## MovingMomma (Apr 28, 2004)

No advice, momma. Just


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## Vermillion (Mar 12, 2005)

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss









I found out that my baby had no heartbeat when I was 17 weeks pregnant, but they thought she died around 15 weeks or so. At that point I was given the option of induction and labor, or D&C. I was also pretty freaked out by the idea of birthing a dead baby&#8230; but ultimately I decided that I had to do it that way. I just couldn't bear the thought of "birthing" my baby through the D&C.

I was really afraid to see her&#8230; I was told that she could be in pretty bad shape for being gone for up to 2 weeks. When I delivered, I had my eyes closed for fear of seeing her come out, and how she might look. She was in good shape though! They cleaned & dressed her and then I held her. She was small, just over 5 inches, but perfect and amazing!! All the fear I had about seeing her and holding her was gone, and I am SO thankful that I had that time with my baby. It was very healing for me and the most positive thing I could have ever imagined to come out of such a terrible situation.

Anyway, that's just my experience. Everyone is different. All I know is that I have no regrets about the birthing process and I know that if I hadn't seen her and held her I'd wonder about it always.

Good luck with whatever option you choose. I'm wishing you strength and healing


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

Miriam, I"m so sorry for your loss of your baby.

I too had a miscarriage at 14 weeks (baby had died about 10 or 11 weeks). I had some mild bleeding, really strong cramping and passed the baby the next morning. Actually passing the baby was not painful at all and he was completely intact and although very tiny, not disturbing at all for me to see.

I was also really scared to see the baby and hated the idea that something dead was inside of me. I will tell you though that the FEAR of what was going to happen was nothing close to reality. Yes, it was painful and sad but there was nothing terrifying about seeing my baby.

If you're trying to speed things up, you can do lots of walking. My midwives gave me some really yucky tasting herbs too that helped speed things up.

(((hugs)))


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I'm so sorry.









i lost mine at 13 weeks. I wanted to avoid D&C for many reasons. So, the miscarriage did involve a lot of bleeding and was pretty much labor. Not at all fun. I did see the sac, but we chose not to have the midwife open it so I never saw the baby itself. Sometimes now I wish I had, but I really don't know. I thought I would freak out seeing anything but I wasn't really disturbed to see the sac. The blood and clotting was much worse to see. I think by the tiem the baby finally passed, I was just numb emotionally.

I figured it was going to be miserable and unpleasant and awful either way, and I had health and personal reasons to avoid the surgery, so I picked natural.


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## MiriamF (Feb 8, 2006)

Thank you all.

I feel so lost this morning. I thought I'd wake up feeling a bit better but I awoke to a supportive text message from a friend and started crying all over again. I have to call my parents who live overseas and I just know they are going to be so upset so I don't want to do it.









Having a dead baby inside me was like my worst nightmare. I am trying to calm myself down by remembering that I had an amazing homebirth and that I am strong and can do this but I just want this to be able. I am barely seeing any blood at all and I think I will go absolutely mad if this goes on for weeks. I will meet with the midwives today to see what my options are. I would rather take some drug to induce labor, but that is also really scary. I don't want to end up hemorrhaging and in the ER.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

of course you feel lost. (((hugs))) and yes, you can do this. you can get through it. you are strong. if it makes you feel any better, by the time i was bleeding, miscarriage was imminent. i didn't have to wait much at all after the bleeding started.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss







No one should have to make these choices.


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

I understand not wanting a dead baby inside of you...I felt like a coffin. We birthed our baby with an induction, and we had a lot of meaningful experiences because of that, without a D&C, I am so grateful for the 15 hours that I got to hold him. so very grateful. A little over a month later, I started hemmoraging, and was given a D&C where they discovered his unknown twin. I never got to hold him. They took him out in peices. I know it was only his body they took out...but...I never wanted my baby thrown in the garbage like hospital waste. I have his brothers ashes. But not his. I am trying to take comfort in the fact that they were twins...that they were connected...so that it won't hurt so much that I only saw one of them, that I only knew about one of them until it was too late.

I am sooo sorry for your loss mama...so sorry.


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## kt52484 (Jun 26, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about your loss! Two weeks ago I was in your shoes. We were not sure if David's heart had stopped or not but I was starting to get a fever so we had to induce. I had walked around for two weeks knowing that my baby was dying inside of me due to my water breaking around week 14. David held on until late week 16 and I delivered 17+1 weeks.

I think that this has to be a personal choice and the right one is what you think will be helpful. When making this choice, what is best for you and your husband is what should be done.

For me, I am glad that I induced, it was an awful experience and a wonderful one all wrapped in one. As the days go by though, I find that the awful part fades and the wonderful part strengthens. I got to hold David after my birth and say good bye and sing to him. It really helped in our greiving process.

If you do decide on an induction there are some things to think about before hand that would have been helpful to me. Think about whether you want pictures of you little one and some with you (I would strongly recomend it as it helps afterward to remember your precious one). Also think to about what will be done afterward such as a private burial or if the baby will be buried with other misscariages. Also ask about the possibility of needing a D&E afterwards to remove the placenta. This happened with me and I had no idea this was a possibility after I birthed. I was scared a devastated because I did not get to hold David very long.

I am not trying to scare you, because it worked out and we are healing, but I want to let you know how my experience worked out so you have some sort of heads up about what may happen. My thoughts are with you and your family!


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## MiriamF (Feb 8, 2006)

I am so glad there is a place to talk about this stuff.

I had some hormone levels tested, or whatever it is related to pregnancy, and apparently it is pretty low (8,500) so the midwife thinks this is going to happen within a few days. I am already feeling crampy. I just went about my day taking it all in subconsciously while we hung out with amazing friends and passed the time.

The part about having a dead baby inside of me is no longer as scary as it was yesterday, and I'm almost looking forward to laboring it out of me, to make it real. I don't think my husband really connects with the idea of a baby that once was, and I think it would help if we could see it, as much as it scares me. I am trying to embrace this experience in the most positive way possible.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm so glad you're not feeling as scared about having the baby. it sounds like you're moving through all the normal feelings. yes, seeing the baby helped my husband realize that it was *real*. lots of love and hugs to you. i hope you have someone to hold you and stroke your hair. you're going to make it through this.


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## hippy mum (Aug 12, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss. We didn't have a choice. We were at 13 weeks and lost our ds due to an auto accident. I had bleeding and after we got home from the hospital my water broke and then he came right out. It didn't hurt-the 3 super strong contractions right before that did though. I had a lot of bleeding, and I was worried about too much loss. We were back at the hospital by then though and I was admitted overnight.
I do wish I'd have been in the hospital when it happened because I was afraid with all the blood. But everyone is different. At that stage, I couldn't have done a d&c. Everything is formed and they look like a tiny little baby. You might ask you mw if you can go to her if you start bleeding heavily or once you deliver so she can monitor you for a few hours? Or ask if she can come to you?


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## MiriamF (Feb 8, 2006)

Just thought I'd update. Nothing is happening still, just a tiny bit of blood every time I pee. Still can't imagine taking drugs to induce labor, so after getting my family off my back (who live overseas and have caused me much grief in 24+ hours because they disagree with my choices) I am still holding onto the idea that I will wait. I do have the drugs if I get desperate, but so far I'm surviving just fine waiting for this baby to pass.

Thank you all again.


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)




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## Carolyn R (Mar 31, 2008)

So sorry you're going through this. Wishing you peace and healing.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## boxerfan (Jul 8, 2009)

Hi Miriam,
I went through the same thing, i found out at 12 weeks that my baby died at 8 weeks 5 days. At that time (12 weeks) i was not spotting at all, and had no cramps. Then a day later, i started spotting, very little and only when i peed. This continued for 1.5 weeks, then I was told to exercise a lot. So after jogging and playing tennis to my heart's content for almost 2 weeks,(i was feeling physically fine and energetic)I finally got some period-like cramps. The next day, i passed out the sac and baby and other stuff in the toilet, and bled a lot, but only for about 1.5-2 hours. That was 2 days ago. Now im just bleeding lightly, and very very little cramps.

Anyway, thats my experience - I did not want to have an operation and do a D&C unless absolutely necessary. and my doc said it would only be necessary if after my body tried to pass out everything, there would be something stuck inside my uterus. Ill find out next week if theres still anything stuck inside.

If you count the weeks..my baby died at 8wks 5 days. I passed it out at 14 weeks. thats almost 6 weeks. But i really only knew it on week # 12 so i was "waiting" for only 2 weeks. They were 2 looong weeks of me looking everyday for blood, but I'm still glad I waited vs having an operation


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## Sweetiemommy (Jul 19, 2005)

I am sorry for your loss. One thing that helped me was to think of myself as continuing to "take care" of the baby until it was ready to come out. I thought that when the baby was ready that it would come out and I didn't want to rush it, you know? So if you are trying to find meaning in it, maybe that helps, to see yourself as a comforting vessel from one world to the next? My thoughts are with you.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## MiriamF (Feb 8, 2006)

Well I only had to wait 6 days after finding out. Thank goodness!

As difficult as it was, I finally became at peace with the idea of waiting. On Friday I ended up walking a total of 8 miles in hopes of getting things going. Nothing happened but things felt close.

Last night while hanging out with a friend I finally started feeling honest-to-goodness contractions, so I asked her to take me home and stay with me. It was pretty much exactly like labor. After probably 30 minutes of strong contractions while lying down I ended up sitting up and feeling gushing - I guess that was my water breaking. I was scared but I knew there was no way out of it so we got a ton of towels. A little while later (as blood poured out of me) I felt something tiny fall out. I checked and there it was. An impossibly tiny little 9 week old fetus. I ended up just hiding it under the covers. Unfortunately later on it got crushed while things were happening so I didn't get to look at it very carefully, but it was enough to be satisfied.

I bled heavily for a couple hours, and finally reached a point where I thought I was going to truly die. I've never blacked out in my life and the feeling I had prior to blacking out last night was terrifying. I felt like I had no control over my body. I told my friend that I feel feeling really bad, and as far as I can remember she went to get my husband. Next thing I know (and this was supposedly only seconds later) she was saying my name and waking me back up. I truly felt like i was in another world. Fortunately when I "came to" that scary feeling went away but I still couldn't open my eyes and I could barely mumble. We called 911 but by the time they got here I was well enough to say I didn't want to go to the hospital. I was finally convinced to go, but we went on our own, without an ambulance.

The hospital thing lasted a couple hours. The dr took out a little bit of tissue that was left in there, and after that, what had felt like one non-stop painful contractions finally went away, and I was no longer gushing blood. A little while later, feeling much better (but still very week) I got to go home.

I am so glad that I waited and did this naturally. What I thought was going to be terrifying wasn't (seeing a dead baby it was too tiny to be scary) - and what I didn't think what going to happen did (losing enough blood fast enough to lose control of myself). Even though i went to the hospital, I'm still very confident that my body handled it all very well on it's own. I mean, I passed out, but i came to right away, and it was obvious I wasn't fading away into death right after that.

That you all for your support. This has been a crazy week and I so, so, very glad it's over.


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