# Totally irrational behavior from my toddler



## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Ha ha, OK that title even made *me* laugh - of course he's irrational, right? He's 2! But really, I need some advice on how to handle these types of situations.

Here are some examples. The other night, he crawled into bed with us and wanted his purple binky. I got up and found it for him. He threw a fit because it was actually orange. (It wasn't. It was the purple one.)

The other day, we were at the grocery store. I parked our cart while we looked at the fish. While we were looking, someone else parked their cart near ours, so when we went to get the cart he climbed up on the wrong one. I said, "Hey DS, that's not our stuff, ours is over here" and he insisted that the other cart was ours. The owner of the cart came over with her son to get the cart and he *still* kept saying it was our cart, even though I *know* he knew it wasn't. I jokingly asked him if that was his mommy too, and he said she was! I ended up having to pry him off this poor woman's cart while he freaked out.

The other morning he *watched* me pour him a glass of orange juice - when I tried to give it to him he got upset and insisted it was not orange juice, it was just water.










It is so maddening! Infuriating! How can I deal with this kind of total lunacy?? Do all kids do this or is he suffering from some kind of serious disconnect from reality?? I find it really hard to be sympathetic to his distress when he's freaking out about something that we both know just isn't the case! I mean, he can see the binky as well as I can, and he's telling me it's orange when it's clearly purple!







How do I deal with that?


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## flyingspaghettimama (Dec 18, 2001)

While politically incorrect, I have frequently thought that toddlers seem like well, Toddlers Gone Wild, on some sort of freakishly good substance illegal for adult consumption. I know this does not help you much, but it certainly gave me a sense of humor about the whole thing. I believe one day my daughter around this age (two) only wanted to be called "Dino Daisy" and would only be addressed by this name, throwing a dinosaur-sized tantrum if I somehow forgot to say "Dino Daisy, are you hungry?" while at the grocery store. I was actually starting to worry about borderline personality disorder (a bad result of having waaaay too many family members in therapy/recovery, including a sister with BPD).

The next day, she was thankfully herself again. These things you describe, you might write down because someday, you will find them really, really funny. And play along a little more, even though it will really stretch your sense of the absurd and perhaps make you feel that you're in some sort of french situationist film, being filmed for a prank show.

"Of COURSE you think that pacifier is orange, let me get you the one you see as purple." You don't have to agree, just restate what they see/feel. It becomes useful practice for later on - "I see that you feel angry because of xyz..." Or, "I see that you think she's your mommy. That's interesting. Please don't try to nurse from her. But now we have to go before my head implodes."

DD is five and has started calling both my husband and I, "wacky pack" as sort of a unisex naming convention. Oh, the fun. It just does not end. So write it down before you forget!

Yours,
Mrs. Wacky Pack


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## KKrzynowek44 (Mar 14, 2005)

i'm sure this doesn't help your situation, but i have to give you a big thanks! i've just had one of the worst days since my 20 mo. old was BORN, and your post was the only thing to make me laugh today. just what i needed








Thanks again!


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

Sometimes they just feel unhappy and want to disagree. With my ds, getting silly usually helped change his mood. For instance, responding to the pacifier color, I would say melodramatically "Oh, no, it changed colors again! I know it was purple when I picked it up. Let me push the reset button. Oh, no! That's not right. What color is it now? Help me push the button and fix it."

There is no point arguing with dc. He knows what color it is. He is just expressing how cranky feeling he is. My ds used to do things like that all the time!


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## LinzluvsGJ (Mar 16, 2004)

DD has been doing a similar thing throwing monstrous fits.... it is driving me crazy and DH wants to spank her because if how bad they have been getting. She'll yell to watch Dora throwing a screaming fit until we put dora in then get mad that it's not Winnie the Pooh. Same thing with food.... asks for juice then gets mad it's not milk even though she asked for juice then we'll give her milk and she'll get mad it's not juice.


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## 2BMamaof3 (Oct 13, 2003)

My daughter has done similar things. It's SO annoying isn't it??? Here is what I do and it works for us.

NOOOOO I want the ORANGE ONE!!! (re. the one that is obviously orange), that is PURPLE!

me: Oh you want the orange one, I think this is orange.

child: NOOOOOO it is PURPLE

me: Hmm, that is frustrating. You want the Orange paci. I don't see the orange paci

child: But I WANT it NOOOOOOWWWW wail wail wail

me: You really want it, I still dont' see it, do you see it

child: Wail wail wail.

me: I see you're really upset because you want the orange paci. I don't have the orange paci you want. I'll stay right here until you're not upset (and I usually offer boob, because that's our standard tantrum calmer...but if I'm not nursing a child I just sit and witness). Sometimes my daughter says, "NOOOO GO AWAY!" so I say, "ok, I'm here (or in spot X) if you need me, sometimes we just need to be mad/sad for a while."

and then, eventually, the tantrum wave crashes and subsides and calmer waters come again. Of course, it's REALLY frustrating, because in the land of logic...well, they are INSANE!! Good Grief!

I've found the less I try to change their feelings the less insane I feel (because it rarely works with my kids).

Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming (goodness I watch too much Nemo)

Abby


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I can't give you much except to affirm that toddlers are crazy and defy logic. I am going through toddlerhood for the third time, and it hasn't gotten any better. I, on the other hand, am much more relaxed.

Now pass the gin.

Just joking.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Oh, and my best tip is to use lots of language and not try to rationalize with irrational beings.

_Oh, you wanted to purple binky? Here it is! That binky is orange. This binky is purple._

Humor works too.
_
Oh my goodness! The OJ is water? Well let me wave my magic spoon over it and make it OJ again. POOF! There you go!_

If nothing else, it confuses them into compliance.

Sometimes, I also just walk away.

_Okie dokie then, I'm just going to leave the orange juice water here. If you want it, it's right here where you can reach it._


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## MeganW (Jul 11, 2004)

My DD is 9months and I'm just hoping she'll stay 9 months....reading this makes me nervous. However my sisters DD "14 months" is exhibiting this sort of screaming, hiding, writhing, growling behavior. I don't know what do to help my sis but she actually said yesterday that she thinks the child is Evil and she wasn't sure she really wanted to deal with her anymore. (DP and I have agreed to take her if my sis really is going to throw in the towel).

I do really like the ideas of playing along though. But I'm a bit of a goofball and do that with the older kids already. DSS and DSD


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## famousmockngbrd (Feb 7, 2003)

Thank you, I appreciate the responses - it helps me put things in perspective, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. And annettemarie, when you are done with that gin, can you pass it over here? Thanks.

It's true, you can't argue with them, it does no good. My DH heard one of our illogical conversations starting up the other day, and before I could get too deeply into it he said "Just let it go Jen, you have the whole rest of the day to get through." :LOL OK. Deep breaths.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Your husband is a wise man!
Have some gin.


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## sincitymama (Sep 20, 2003)

Oh goodness. My son is 18 months old now and this toddler stuff hasn't gotten *too* crazy yet-probably because he doesn't really talk much yet :LOL I knew someone once who was going totally insane with her child who was around 2 or 3 at the time. She mentioned it to her doctor to see if they had any advice or anything, make sure it was normal and not something she should be worried about. Doctors diagnosis? A classic case of toddler-itis, cured only by much patience and humor until the child grows out of it :LOL


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

This is the age when, with Child #1, my MIL kept saying things like "Do you think he has ADD?" and "Did you have his hearing checked." No ADD and his hearing is fine, Grandma. He's just TWO!


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## tug (Jun 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie*
Have some gin.

me too please!

my ds is in this phase too. sometimes the humour works with him and sometimes he just freaks out even more. i usually do the same as some of the other pps have suggested: tell him i'm right here if he needs me, leave the oj (or whatever) on the counter for when he wants it, or play along.


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## ExuberantDaffodil (May 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *annettemarie*

Now pass the gin.

Just joking.


:LOL


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