# mean kids



## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Today at the playground, DS (almost 4 yo) got sand thrown at him in big handfuls by a little girl (looked to be approx 5-6 yo) for no reason! I watched the whole thing. He was sitting, playing in the sand with another little boy for several minutes. The little girl scooted up next to him, and chucked big handfuls all over his head! I leaped to my feet and said "No thank you!" really loudly, three times, "We don't throw sand." The little girl immediately scampered away, with her back to me, not acknowledging me.

I looked at the mom/sitter, hoping she'd offer her own 2 cents, but OF COURSE, she hadn't seen. She had her head buried in a magazine.









I struggled in the moment as to whether or not I should let the mom know what her daughter had just done. In the end, I said nothing and just told DS to play elsewhere away from the little girl.

Not sure I'm looking for suggestions, just wanted to vent.







I'm sure my son has done his share of undesirable behaviors while I've split my attention between him and something else. But it just bothered me so much that I watched it all play out and it seemed to be really a deliberately MEAN thing. kwim?


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Kids who look 5-6 can sometimes be 2-3. My dd was mistaken for a much older child when she was only 2 and it was frustrating for both of us because people often expected her to act much older than she was. When she was two and three she would have put sand on herself because it was fun and on a friend because it was fun for her, she also would have ignored someone else trying to redirect her. She may also have a disability that isn't obvious or she may have tried to engage him in play in an inappropriate way. It is hard to know if it was a truly mean thing or not if she didn't say something, but it certainly would be frustrating to have sand dumped on your child no matter how old the child was.


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *One_Girl* 
Kids who look 5-6 can sometimes be 2-3.

Yes, that is true. Since she was a toddler people have always thought that my dd was about 2 yrs older than she is (she's very tall, and I guess older looking?). It's hard to know the full story behind the act I guess. I would hesitate in branding her a "mean kid"

(But then again if I looked over and saw the same thing happen to _my_ dc I might have thought the same thing.







)


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

It's too bad that the caregiver didn't notice, it was a teachable moment.

Mostly I just comfort myself with the knowledge that my kids have had random bad days too, and I hope it's one of those.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

I might have said to the caregiver with the magazine, "Excuse me, is that your child? She just threw sand in my son's eyes for no reason, and though children make mistakes like that and I understand, I am very worried that his cornea could have been scratched. Could you please remind her that it isn't appropriate behavior?"


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

My 6 year old still thinks getting sand all over herself and anyone near by is really fun. I doubt she would do it to a random stranger but a friend, new playmate at the park or her brother would be tempting targets. FTR I know this about my child so I keep an eye on her and would redirect her or have her leave the sandbox if it happened again.

I don't think you should necessarily attribute nasty intentions to her behavior. A simple keep the sand in the sandbox type statement would be appropriate. No need to raise your voice or stand over her. Kids don't get subtle messages like "No thank you." Strangers raising their voice can be scary.

Just out of curiosity, how did you child handle it? Did he seem upset? Cry? Or just a little stunned and uncomfortable? I can see getting upset about it if your child was upset.

I know it's frustrating when other kids parents are distracted at the play ground and there is a need for redirection.

Some sand in the hair and on clothes is not the end of the world. Try to let it go. It seems to be a common thing for the kids at our local park to pour sand on each other, but it almost always feet, hands or legs. It also seems inevitable that at some point a child will experiment with throwing sand. The parents generally just redirect, even if the kid is not theirs.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

I don't know why they put sand in parks, they all want to throw it. Maybe she was being "mean" and maybe she just acted on an impulse. I think telling her, hey, sand in the eyes hurts, no throwing, is plenty (or like you said, we don't throw sand). And that's essentially what you did. I would say if it happened again, then you say, WHERE IS YOUR MOMMY or talk to the mom.

My daughter is four. She has been able to say, "My name is S, would you like to play" since she was two (obviously, we gave her the words, she didn't think of it on her own, but she ALWAYS wanted to make contact with any kid within eyesight and she needed a polite way to do it) but I've noticed a lot of kids don't really know how to ask to play or how to join in. Maybe it was a clumsy attempt to join in?


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Agreed, strangers with loud voices can be scary, but when my kid is getting dumped on for no apparent reason, MamaBear just comes out.









One_Girl, thank you for your point that she may have a disability. Truth be told, she doesn't seem quite right (I've seen this mom and her daughters before at this park). And I have seen the mom yell and say not-so-GD things to her girls and manhandle them a bit. That's the main reason I didn't tell the mom about the sand throwing, and chose to just re-locate my son instead. You just never know what people will do. And seeing as how we go to this park frequently, it's very very likely that we'll see them again.









I really do think that children come into this world loving and kind. But some of them get mistreated from a very young age and do very quickly turn into "mean" kids...


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
It's too bad that the caregiver didn't notice, it was a teachable moment.


I agree that it was a teachable moment. OP why did you say no thank you? Just curious







I understand you were horrified, but I would have talked to the little girl and told her that it wasnt nice to put sand on someone else. Sounded like you were pretty sharp with her.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2cutiekitties* 
I agree that it was a teachable moment. OP why did you say no thank you? Just curious







I understand you were horrified, but I would have talked to the little girl and told her that it wasnt nice to put sand on someone else. Sounded like you were pretty sharp with her.

ummm... refer to my pp about mama bear rearing her head. and yes, ITA, in the past, I have said what you've suggested: "it's not nice putting sand in someone else as it could get in their eyes". _believe me_, I have given that speech before. but *this was different*. she was definitely an older child who was forcefully throwing *handfuls* of sand at my ds (not just an experimental sprinkle or even one good toss), whose back was turned. maybe i'm overreacting or maybe one just had to have been there.

and as for teachable moments, I guess I'm having trouble finding the balance between honoring my instinct to, first and foremost, *protect my child* and "teaching" or providing gentle discipline to someone else's child, yk?


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

I don't understand the "No thank you" part either. To me it sounds more confusing then saying "No, we we shouldn't throw sand" That is more direct and less confusing in my eyes.

Of course you protect your child, bu tin doing so you can also talk in a gd way to the other child.

I am not sure what it is with sand and those pebble rocks but even at 5 or 6 where they should know its not ok to throw kids still do. Its like a wow factor in watching it go all over the place I think more then actually being mean.


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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

As a mama to a special needs child I can say I would have been ticked at someone being stern with my child, especially saying something so confusing as No Thank You. It just wouldn't make sense to her or to me. If it ever happened that my child did something like that, I would much rather the parent of the "victim" come to me

But that being said, my dd is way too passive to put sand on anyone except herself. Had she done it, I would actually look at the child she did it too and see his response.. If he was upset I probably would have redirected my dd and reminded her to be nice.

But I would have some cool words for a mother that scolded my dd, especially one that doesn't know her or her needs.

And if I came here and saw something about my special needs child being "not right" that would probably make me very sad.

At the end of the day, no one got hurt, and I wouldn't say this child was being mean at all.. maybe just her way of interacting. I notice children who think they are the same age as my daughter (they are actually younger then she is, she is small). Do all sorts of stuff with her, including putting sand on her, I wait for her cue, if she seems upset I step in and deal with her. Its not my place to scold someone elses child, especially over something that didn't do damage.


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

I would not hesitate for a moment to immediately stop another child from doing something hurtful to mine, even if their own parent/caregiver was right there. IMO a firm "no thank you" is actually a pretty nice way of doing that.

If it was my kid who was doing something hurtful or disruptive, even if I am right there, I would not mind at all for another parent/caregiver to deliver a "no". In fact I would appreciate it. As long as it's done in a civil manner (not yelling), I would be completely ok with it. I would feel bad that I had not been on the scene first to stop him myself, and thankful that another adult had stepped in...and I would back the other adult up.

I realize there is a wide range of how people feel about other adults addressing their child. I feel that when we are sharing a public play space with other people, and our kids interact with other people's kids, there may be other adults who get involved too. I would not want another parent/caregiver to say nothing if one of my kids did something to their child that was a problem. I only expect that they will be civil about how they say it. And when I feel the need to set a limit with someone else's child in order to protect my own, I am firm but civil. I do my best to choose very clear words about the exact behavior that is a problem and the limit I am setting, ie "you may not push him".

If I was not okay with the possibility of other adults occasionally needing to say something to my child regarding behavior at the park, ie "this is her shovel, and she is using it right now", (or for some reason on that day not comfortable with the particular adults who were present, which sometimes happens) then I would shadow my own kid very closely and make sure I was the first to deal with any situation that came up regarding his behavior.


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## SiobhanAoife (Jun 10, 2008)

I am confused about what "No thank you" even means in this context. Wouldn't "No throwing sand" or "No, do not do that" or if you're trying to model etiquette "No, please don't do that" be clearer? If someone came over to me and said "No thank you" loudly I wouldn't have a clue what they were talking about.


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RiverSky* 
I might have said to the caregiver with the magazine, "Excuse me, is that your child? She just threw sand in my son's eyes for no reason, and though children make mistakes like that and I understand, I am very worried that his cornea could have been scratched. Could you please remind her that it isn't appropriate behavior?"

See, I'd just tell the girl myself and be done with it. If she was being a big overbearing bully for any period of time and not listening to me, I'd talk to the caretaker, but usually me saying something to the kid is enough. Nicely, I might add, as if I was talking to my own child. I really don't step in like that too often, because what's appropriate behaviour and what's not is widely variant person-to-person. However if it's something that is hurting my child or likely to hurt my child (or someone else's child) _outside of normal, acceptable childsplay_, then I say something.


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## luvmybaby333 (Nov 13, 2009)

Would you leap to your feet and intimidatingly/ _very loudly_ speak to your own child that way? If not, then I don't see why you would think that it was appropriate for you to do so to a another small child. "Mama-bear" or not, this is the GD section of the board, no? It seems as though if you are GD your own child, you would think that ALL children deserve that sort of treatment. Especially children that come from apparently not-so-gentle homes. Who knows, maybe a kind and gentle word could have gotten through to her? Whereas being bullied by a grown-up likely just scared her enough to cause her to "scamper away" for the moment... leaving her with a less-than-clear picture of what she did wrong and how she could change her behavior next time.

If a child that age is "mean", then there is most definitely a reason for that behavior (as you , yourself, pointed out.) If something like this happens again, I would suggest trying another, *more gentle*, approach with the girl. She might actually listen to someone who isn't yelling or manhandling her, ya know?


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## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

I have an "instant mad" button when other people aren't watching their children, and their children hurt mine, or are being difficult to them. The park isn't a free for all. And yes, I am ALWAYS watching my children.

I usually direct myself to my child, though, to teach THEM how to handle other unpleasant situations on their own. I may say something to the other child, "It isn't nice to throw sand. That hurts. Please don't throw sand at us." Or, I encourage my child to say, "Please don't throw sand at me." If it keeps happening, we go play somewhere else. I don't want my child to feel "the victim" in these sorts of situations.

But, I have a really, really hard time keeping my cool. Especially when it progresses to pushing and hitting. Repeatedly. And no one is really doing anything about it. Explaining all the reasons we don't do that to a 2yo is lovely, and a step in the right direction, but in a public place, I believe in a little bit of prevention, ya' know?

And, when my children have been small, and unpredictable, I stay with them. We play with the sand together, for example. It really limits the amount of damage they can do, or that can be done to them, before I can redirect. Sure, if no one is there, they play on their own a bit, but the second someone else comes, I move closer to my child.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *laundrycrisis* 
I would not hesitate for a moment to immediately stop another child from doing something hurtful to mine, even if their own parent/caregiver was right there. IMO a firm "no thank you" is actually a pretty nice way of doing that.

Thank you. I was feeling pretty unsupported for a while.









FTR, and I don't know why I feel the need to do so, but I do... I did say in my OP that I said "No, thank you. We don't throw sand." (as opposed to just "no, thank you"). And I said it loudly enough for her to hear, in hopes that she would stop _shoveling sand by the handful_ at my son. I have difficulty projecting my voice, so apparently, I wasn't "yelling" because the mother, who was just as far away from me as the little girl, didn't hear me at all, but the little girl _did_ cease the behavior

And yes, if I saw my son doing this exact same behavior, I would have said the exact same thing in the same firm voice: "No, thank you. We don't throw sand." I'm not sure why this is being interpreted as not GD or confusing???


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2toomany* 
As a mama to a special needs child I can say I would have been ticked at someone being stern with my child, especially saying something so confusing as No Thank You. It just wouldn't make sense to her or to me. If it ever happened that my child did something like that, I would much rather the parent of the "victim" come to me

But that being said, my dd is way too passive to put sand on anyone except herself. Had she done it, I would actually look at the child she did it too and see his response.. If he was upset I probably would have redirected my dd and reminded her to be nice.

But I would have some cool words for a mother that scolded my dd, especially one that doesn't know her or her needs.

And if I came here and saw something about my special needs child being "not right" that would probably make me very sad.

At the end of the day, no one got hurt, and I wouldn't say this child was being mean at all.. maybe just her way of interacting. I notice children who think they are the same age as my daughter (they are actually younger then she is, she is small). Do all sorts of stuff with her, including putting sand on her, I wait for her cue, if she seems upset I step in and deal with her. Its not my place to scold someone elses child, especially over something that didn't do damage.

Apologies if I've offended you with previous post. I can't imagine how challenging every day is with a special needs child. I would probably share your reaction and be that much more protective of my child.

I'm curious then







what would do or have done if/when someone else's child was being aggressive with your child when the caregiver isn't around or noticing?

Seems there are definitely a wide range of GD responses to this incident, which I find interesting.

Also, I'm finding myself uncomfortable having used the phrase "mean kids." Especially when they are younger.







I truly believe all children are born with love in their hearts, and that it's through mistreatment by caregivers that they learn "mean" _behavior_.


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## nola79 (Jun 21, 2009)

I would have also corrected the other child, but not with "no thank you." I don't get that either.
Also wanted to touch on the "mean" topic. If the girl was throwing sand at your son with his back turned, she was probably just trying to get his attention. Kids do strange things, and while unappropriate, it may not have come from a mean place.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2toomany* 
As a mama to a special needs child I can say I would have been ticked at someone being stern with my child, especially saying something so confusing as No Thank You. It just wouldn't make sense to her or to me. If it ever happened that my child did something like that, I would much rather the parent of the "victim" come to me


I wouldn't be. It's the parent's job to make sure their kids aren't throwing sand on other kids. If there is a special needs child, or a sand thrower, the parent shouldn't be sitting down reading a magazine.

I think saying "No thank you" is a little confusing to a child though.

But, if I am not watching my own child, the other parents in the park have every right to stop my child from hurting their kids.


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

Quote:

And yes, if I saw my son doing this exact same behavior, I would have said the exact same thing in the same firm voice: "No, thank you. We don't throw sand." I'm not sure why this is being interpreted as not GD or confusing???
I agree with you. If some kid is repeatedly throwing sand at your child the reasonable thing to do is to ask them to stop and remind them of the rules. And if you have to raise your voice to get their attention, I don't see the problem. You're outside. There's a lot of noise. You want to be heard. Whispering won't exactly get it and being loud and firm may attract the attention of whatever adult is responsible for this child. YELLING at the kid wouldn't be cool, but speaking firmly and directly and loud enough to be heard is totally reasonable.

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and reminding children of rules. If there's no adult there with them, I'm certainly not going to sit and wait till someone may or many not wander over and stop the kid from covering mine in sand. Apart from being a PITA to get out hair and clothes, it's no fun in the eyes and really it's just basic park manners that you don't throw the ground covering at people.

If you had said, "Hey you little brat, stop being so GD evil and throwing the effing sand," that would be a problem. If you tried to put the kid in time out, ditto. But asking a child not to throw sand and reminding them of the rules is reasonable.

If you go to public places with your kids and don't stay right on top of them, you have to expect that at some point an adult is probably going to say something to them if they're throwing things at other children. I know I stay a lot closer to my four year old when there are mostly younger children in a play area. I know from personal experience that the big kids seem so large and rough and shouty when you're trying to keep your 18 month old from getting trampled.

The only thing I object to is calling the kid mean. Maybe she is, some kids are, and maybe she just wanted to throw some sand. They all do. When older kids do age-appropriate things, it can SEEM so deliberate and mean when yours is younger. Then your kid gets that age and one day you think, oh for goodness sake, how many times am I going to have to tell her not to throw sand!


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

I think the "no thank you" is confusing because usually we say "no thank you" when someone offers us something that we don't want. In this case "please don't throw sand at my dc" seems clearer. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said to the girl (it doesn't seem overly-harsh or anything), but I can see how it might have been confusing/not made sense to her.

(Just trying to explain where I think some other pp's are coming from...







)


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl* 
I think the "no thank you" is confusing because usually we say "no thank you" when someone offers us something that we don't want. In this case "please don't throw sand at my dc" seems clearer. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said to the girl (it doesn't seem overly-harsh or anything), but I can see how it might have been confusing/not made sense to her.

(Just trying to explain where I think some other pp's are coming from...







)

Thats how I took the "no thank you" being confusing.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pianojazzgirl* 
I think the "no thank you" is confusing because usually we say "no thank you" when someone offers us something that we don't want. In this case "please don't throw sand at my dc" seems clearer. I don't think there's anything wrong with what you said to the girl (it doesn't seem overly-harsh or anything), but I can see how it might have been confusing/not made sense to her.

(Just trying to explain where I think some other pp's are coming from...







)

oic...







I see that now, too. It's just that I've used it for so long, it's what I say, and I've heard tons of parents here say it, too, in place of "please stop" or "please don't", perhaps to be more "polite."







maybe it's a regional preference?


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## mama2toomany (Oct 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustSo* 

I'm curious then







what would do or have done if/when someone else's child was being aggressive with your child when the caregiver isn't around or noticing?

_behavior_.

I understand being flustered with other peoples kids. It happens a lot to us, my daughter has some major delays and a lot of kids her age do not understand that she just can't do the things they can do. She doesn't "get" some kinds of play, and because of that she does get picked on a bit.

I never talk to other peoples kids, I usually remove my child from that situation. Works for me.

I would seriously hate it and probably pitch a fit if someone tried to scold my daughter, cause they do not know her, or her delays. But I do watch my child very well.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustSo* 
I'm curious then







what would do or have done if/when someone else's child was being aggressive with your child when the caregiver isn't around or noticing?

I'm only speaking for myself, of course, but I see nothing wrong with the way you handled things. I don't make it my personal mission to reprimand/instruct other kids when their parents are present (physically AND mentally), but if they are doing something obnoxious or dangerous and nobody is engaging with them, I will definitely tell them to stop it...especially if my own kids are involved.

I also think that speaking up when someone is being bothersome is a good example to show for your kids. I don't want my kids growing up thinking they have to just sit and take whatever garbage other people dish out.

And if my kids ever overstepped boundaries when I was not present, I would expect the responsible adults in proximity to let them know their behavior was not welcome.

I, too, was also somewhat perplexed by the "no, thank you." That's not a phrase I would ever use in that situation, but like you said, it's probably a regional thing.


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## lerlerler (Mar 31, 2004)

This happened to us last week.
My 3 year old son had sand thrown in his face by three older girls (5?). I stepped in and said "please stop" and if they HAD? It would have been over. No biggie.

Instead? They threw another handful and LAUGHED when he started freaking out and crying.

The giggling made me madder than the sand.

"where is your grownup?" I asked (lots of nannies that day)

And they pointed her out, so I told her.

I wish I hadn;t. I get the distinct feeling they got spanked when they got home


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## Lolagirl (Jan 7, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2toomany* 
I understand being flustered with other peoples kids. It happens a lot to us, my daughter has some major delays and a lot of kids her age do not understand that she just can't do the things they can do. She doesn't "get" some kinds of play, and because of that she does get picked on a bit.

I never talk to other peoples kids, I usually remove my child from that situation. Works for me.

I would seriously hate it and probably pitch a fit if someone tried to scold my daughter, cause they do not know her, or her delays. *But I do watch my child very well*.

I think the part I bolded is the most important though. You watch your kid and try to head this stuff off before it becomes a problem, and it sounds like you are the kind of conscientious parent I wish I encountered more commonly. Unfortunately, I've also seen my kids get mistreated by other kids while their parent/caregiver was either nowhere to be seen or was completely unwilling to step in and redirect their own child's actions. I have no compunction with intervening when some kid is hitting mine or whatever while their responsible adult is either MIA or doesn't appear to care what the child is up to.

This is kind of a hot button thing for me right now because there is a boy in my sons' class that routinely singles out one of mine (hitting, kicking, pushing) while his mother stands there like nothing is going on. It drives me nuts. Just last week I had to intervene 3 times (saying politely "please don't hit") in just a few minutes while the kid repeatedly hit mine over the head. Mom was standing right there watching and didn't say a word. By the last wack I finally raised my voice in the hopes that it might shake some sense into the mother, but no luck. At least the kid stopped hitting my son after that. Bottom line, there is simply no way am I going to stand around while my small child is getting abused by another child, especially when the parent seems disinterested in stopping the behavior themself.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lolagirl* 
I think the part I bolded is the most important though. You watch your kid and try to head this stuff off before it becomes a problem, and it sounds like you are the kind of conscientious parent I wish I encountered more commonly. Unfortunately, I've also seen my kids get mistreated by other kids while their parent/caregiver was either nowhere to be seen or was completely unwilling to step in and redirect their own child's actions.

Exactly. Little kids NEED supervision. If you (general "you") won't teach your child to behave, then others will have to.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lerlerler* 
This happened to us last week.
My 3 year old son had sand thrown in his face by three older girls (5?). I stepped in and said "please stop" and if they HAD? It would have been over. No biggie.

Instead? They threw another handful and LAUGHED when he started freaking out and crying.

The giggling made me madder than the sand.

"where is your grownup?" I asked (lots of nannies that day)

And they pointed her out, so I told her.

I wish I hadn;t. I get the distinct feeling they got spanked when they got home









this is EXACTLY why I chose not to tell the mom/caregiver in my situation. I just have a feeling that that's how it is in their family.









A couple weeks ago at this same playground in our neighborhood, a little boy (looked to be about 2 yo) pushed my friend's daughter (4.5 yo) in his zeal to get onto the spinning thing (kids sit or stand on it and make it spin around...can't for the life of me figure out a name for it, so "spinning thing" will have to do...). To me, it was clearly an act of a enthusiastic toddler trying to get on a fun ride and accidentally knocking over a slightly older child. I went over to see if she was ok, and the dad rushed over, grabbed his boy roughly and smacked him on the bottom, "you say you're sorry right now!" The boy was soooooo young, it wasn't even appropriate in my mind.

My point is... you just never know.


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
*I don't make it my personal mission to reprimand/instruct other kids* when their parents are present (physically AND mentally), but if they are doing something obnoxious or dangerous and nobody is engaging with them, I will definitely tell them to stop it...especially if my own kids are involved.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

OP was your son actually upset by all this?

I must be in a particularly terrible city, but here sand throwing is pretty much a daily occurrence and i can't imagine anyone getting as worked up about it as this thread seems to be! They are kids, they throw sand - the rule "don't throw sand" exists because it's pretty much the FIRST thing they all want to do!


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## JustSo (Apr 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GoBecGo* 
OP was your son actually upset by all this?

I must be in a particularly terrible city, but here sand throwing is pretty much a daily occurrence and i can't imagine anyone getting as worked up about it as this thread seems to be! They are kids, they throw sand - the rule "don't throw sand" exists because it's pretty much the FIRST thing they all want to do!









Yes, he was. He lets lots of things roll off his back, but not this. Imagine a one-sided snowball fight, only with sand and scowls, not smiles and laughter. Sand gets thrown plenty here, too, in southern California. We expect it, but this was not your typical wayward or playful or experimental sand toss.









As for people getting worked up about it, the discussion has broadened into disciplining others' kids when yours is on the receiving end of aggression.


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## GirlBoyGirlBoy (Sep 9, 2008)

I think it's interesting that people are getting all caught up in the "no, *thank you*" part of the interaction yet many seem to think that saying "*please* don't throw sand" is fine... To me saying "please" in this situation implies that the other person doesn't necessarily need to comply--sort of like a question. I would have just said "hey! don't throw sand, it isn't okay to do that." and been done with it


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## Pumpkin_Pie (Oct 10, 2006)

Yup, I'm totally ok with the "No, Thank-you" part too. I do agree that "Stop!" would also work, but around here, "No, Thank-you" is a VERY heavily used phrase to get a child to stop whatever they are doing and listen to the adult. It is nearly always followed by an instruction such as "We don't throw sand". I am betting it is partly a regional thing, honestly.

I also completely understand the mama bear coming out when your child is the victim of another child's misbehavior. I was at an indoor play structure just a few days ago, and a family came in with two children who looked about 10 and 6ish and left them to go get food. The structure was in a seperate room with doors that close, and it is completely impossible to see or hear children inside when you are outside getting food.

Almost immediately, DS3 started following around the older child. She didn't seem to like him following her, and said so to me, to which I replied, "He likes older kids, and probably wants to play with you, but you can ask him not to follow you if you want, but he is going to be playing here for a little while longer". She did ask him, but he did keep following her, although he wasn't talking to her, or touching her, and was actually a few steps behind her, so I didn't intervene. Well, she started saying things to her younger brother like, "Look at the BABY, he's such a little BABY!" "Oh no! Run away! I don't want the BABY near me!" She was placing such emphasis on the word "BABY", which I knew was hurting DS's feelings. I heard him say, "I am not a baby, I am a big boy!". She then was saying things like, "I think we lost him!" "Yay!!!! I don't want to play with the BABY!" "Oh no! Here he comes! Quick get away from that BABY!" I finally just asked DS to come down and packed up. I did say to the older girl that she was being very mean to DS as I left. Totally unneccessary, and I felt a little funny saying it, but the parents were only just coming back into the room as we actually physically were going through the door to leave. It seriously had my hackles up and I was so angry at that little girl!

It is so hard to send our kids out there into the world where they can get hurt and not just want to lash out at anyone and everything that tries to hurt our kids, no matter how it is intended. Perhaps the little girl was playing a silly game that she usually played with her younger brother and was trying to draw DS into it, I will never know. Perhaps the little girl on the playground really had no clue that what she was doing was inappropriate, who knows, but it is still so frustrating, and you were absolutely correct to want to protect your little one.


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