# November 2012 Rockstar Mamas!



## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Welcome to the Rockstar Mamas thread! Our wonderful group of mamas started following each other in the Charting to Avoid thread over in fertility. Eventually we created "The Whatever Ladies!", a safe place for those of us who were not trying to prevent pregnancy, though not actively trying to conceive either. Spread out over a year, we all got pregnant and had our current babes- several whom are over a year old now!

We made the decision to switch to Rockstar Mamas, after a conversation about how each and every one of us was a Rockstar in some way, for living and thriving through the parenting challenges thrown our way every day. Feel free to join us in our thread, but be warned, the conversation moves fast!

Not really rules but something to consider if you join:

1. Need to be chatty

2. Know that we are all vastly different from one another but we've become friends so we respect those differences. We are vaxers and nonvaxers; homeschoolers, unschoolers, public schoolers; run the gamut from vegan to paleo; some of us want more kids, some don't, and some aren't sure...but we all manage to really get along and come together on things we DO agree on.

3. Aren't afraid to ask each other the hard questions or point out the obvious when/if we want advice!

Member List:

lyeterae ~ Baby boy born February 2011
annie ~ Baby girl born April 7, 2011
Barefootscientist ~ Baby boy born May 30, 2011
AnnieA (due 7/18) ~ Baby girl born July 17, 2011
MarineWife (due 7/30) ~ Baby boy born July 25, 2011
Baby_Cakes (due 8/16) ~ Baby boy born August 16, 2011
MovingMomma (due 8/9) ~ Baby girl born August 18, 2011
akind1 (due 9/28) ~ Baby girl born October 11, 2011
mom2one (due 10/23) ~ Baby boy born October 21, 2011
jeninejessica (due 12/01) ~ Baby girl born November 29, 2011
Kindermama (due 1/6) ~ Baby boy born January 1, 2012

akind1 going around again ~ Baby BOY!! due 3/6/2013 but betting on 3/11 or 3/19

October thread http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1364692/october-2012-rockstar-mamas/380#post_17166842


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

MW - since Kat is having a boy we just need someone else to have another girl. LOL!

Not me yet at least! AF is here finally! 2 days after I expected. Maybe b/c of nightweaning my cycle is less affected by nursing? No idea.

We had another great night! He needed some help resettling around 1 am but nothing major, just a pat on the back. He's still in bed with me. LOVE this.

JJ - Oh no! Hmm. Idk what exactly I would do either. Decisions decisions. It's a tough call no matter what you do.

You can always go back full time and see how it goes. I went back to work after Nora full time for only 2 weeks. I couldn't do it. Then again, Nora was only 14 weeks old. But. It was still just not who I wanted to be. I wanted more. So - I went to part time 3 days a week. It was SO much better.

Lauri - OOh Ikea sounds like a deal closer!

Better go finish laundry, and pour myself more coffee before the pot turns off! I'll be around!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

JJ ~ Are the people you work directly with involved in this issue? If not, maybe work wouldn't be hostile. If it does end up being, maybe you could deal with until you find something else that suits you. Then at least you wouldn't have worries about not having any job at all.









Dylan threw up in bed twice last night. I don't get it. He's fine all day long. He's fine this morning. Happy and playing and eating. I made plans to go to someone house whom I've never met in person to help her with her knitting but now I don't really want to go. I feel like I should stay home with Dylan just in case. I guess I'll go anyway. I won't be too far.

Does anyone know how to find the forum moderators to ask someone to delete that duplicate thread? I looked and can't find them listed anywhere anymore.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> JJ ~ Are the people you work directly with involved in this issue? If not, maybe work wouldn't be hostile. If it does end up being, maybe you could deal with until you find something else that suits you. Then at least you wouldn't have worries about not having any job at all.
> 
> ...


That's a good point about her coworkers.

Aw, sorry about Dylan. Puke is one of my least favorite illnesses b/c it's just so freaking unpredictable. And messy.

No idea. I'm sorry about the dupe thread! I was going to let you do it, but thought maybe you wouldn't get notifications so I just did it myself. I should have let you do it since you are the normal thread starter!! No idea how to get it deleted, tho. :-/


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

That sucks MW.  Is he stuffy at all? Maybe it's drippage, and lying down makes it worse? I'm stretching, sorry. I can't think of why he'd be fine all day and then sick at night 

My direct co-workers aren't, not really. My contact so far has been with HR, and then the head of department or rooms (my department). She isn't the general manager of the hotel but... pretty much she has all the power. I rarely see her, but she's the bigwig, so obviously I'm trying to treat careful. They are waiting to hear back from my manager on Tuesday, her first day back from mat leave. She IS someone I interact with on a regular basis, but I'm hoping/thinking she'll be more on my side, since A/ She just had a baby too, and understands what I'm going through, and B/ She's actually worked with me, and knows that I'm a hard/good worker, and mentioned before I went on mat leave that basically whatever they could do to help me come back, she wanted to do. But that said... that was over a year ago. And if she -did- get upset by all of this hullabaloo, then she could probably make my life difficult (not generally her style at all, but you never know). And then technically I have a manager under her as well, who is responsible specifically for those who work on the front desk, and is the one who makes the schedules. He's pretty useless though. Honestly, don't know how he got his job.

I'm just so torn. Financially, yeah, it would be great to go back full time. And if I went back full time, I have second in seniority, so probably would be able to work mostly if not all, 8-430 shifts. So, that's tempting. I just... can't imagine leaving her right now for that much time. With my commute factored in, it would be 9.5-10 hours a day I'd be gone from her. She'd get dropped off at my SILs at 715ish, and then DH would get there around 415ish. That's a long time... I dunno  I just want to start part time and then keep adding hours back until I get to the point where I say "Ok, this is where I stop." I can't eblieve it's all this complicated.

Dr-- Saw him this morning. He was alright. Basically stated that as far as he's concerned, the risks/side effects of vaccines are so rare, that they don't exist. That basically, in his practice he could not vaccinate enough children to -statistically- ever see a side effect. BUT- that he does have parents in his practice who have chosen not to vax, and that he's ok with that, as long as they will listen to his side of it, and his concerns. He will continue to ask every visit, but if we say no, that's ok. He also did some digging for us, and agreed to give the adacel, which is a slightly lower dose, so it was interesting that he did that. Anyways, I think for now we'll stick with him, see how it goes. My gosh, I just want to finish all these vaxes (she'll need visits in 2 months and 4 months for this one, and then sometime in the next year will need a separate visit for the MenC as well. And then we plan on starting (potentially) the MMR at 2. So... 4+ visits in the next 12 months, none of them because there's anything wrong with her. So stupid, when DH could administer the stupid vax himself, if legally they could give the vial to us.

Anywho, she's decided she wants to go down for another nap, so I'm gonna take advantage of that and see if I can go sleep too!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

JJ: being Canadian and all . . . I have a question - in the event you have another baby, do you need to work (full or part time) so much before going on maternity leave to qualify for the long leave? I don't recall if your work does top-off or not. And is that at all a consideration in the decision to return to work?

Carrie- hooray for sleep!

MW: I am betting it's just drainage. I've had friends whose babies have had the same issue.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

You need to work at least 7 months for the same employer and have worked 600 hours in the past year. So full time you'd have those hours in like 3.5 months, or 20hrs a week you'd have them in about 7 months.

It is something I've thought of. I can't see us having another one within the next year, maybe start 'trying' a year from now, but not before that on purpose. But obviously if I am going to go back to work, then I want to make sure I would qualify for another mat leave. But I mean by next year, I'm sure ill feel a lot better aboutft you know?


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Oh and my work doesn't do top off, unfortunately. Few places here do, but we get the 55% of our wages for the 52 weeks as long as we hit the conditions above


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

So, maybe aiming for a 2014 baby? And I am assuming time worked during your pregnancy counts? . . . IDK. I think Ten would be fine. She's nearly one (OMG! in 20 days!) I say, give FT a shot, see how it goes, and scale back as needed. I am so grateful I can work from home!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Something like that, for me anyways. Dh still says no to a second unless (insert long list of requirements here) but I've been very clear that I need at least one more child. I'd like to stop preventing in a year or so and go from there (right now anyway! Well see in 6 months!)


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Thanks for the new thread! MW, it's probably because of excess mucus or saliva. Ava's done that a couple of times the last month. And it's usually when she's had a lot of milk so it's like tons ofpuke. :/ JJ, that's a tough one. I can't imagine working 8-5 again. I'd hardly see Ava except on the weekends. Short of me not working, having a modified second shift schedule is the best for me. I get maximum time with Ava while still working FT.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Oh I could choose to do a 3-1130 shift as well, or something mid, probably more like 10-630. I'm just worried about the PM one, because then I wouldn't get home until around 1230, and then at least 1am before I sleep. If Tenley's up at 730ish, then that means I get MAX 6.5 hours of sleep, not counting all the wakeups. I think I'd get burnt out pretty quickly. I would get from 730ish until about 130, but is that better if I'm tired and grouchy? At least wit the AM one, if I'm home at 530ish, then I've got a couple hours to spend with her before she heads to bed around 830. And I'd be more rested. Ugh. I dunno. There's so much to consider.

The other thing is, I don't think my SIL wants to do care full time. So I'd need to find another babysitter for half the time at least, or switch over to someone else. I'm still hoping they come back and say ok to part time. If not, I'm going to have to ask for more time to decide.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I liked working part time when it was 2 days. 3 days seemed to really make it hard for me to manage both home and work life. I was at work enough to take on more responsibility, but my mind was always on what had to be done at home. I felt very distracted all the time.

2 days at the spa was perfect. A break from home, and just enough to have a following at work. I miss it.

Given those options, JJ, i'd do the earlier hours, as well. Something about getting up and out early and having dinner and downtime later seems like you'd end up getting more rest and having a better structure and routine to the day.

O/T - ideas for christmas for our 1 year olds?


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I get home at 12:30 AM and try to be in bed by 1:30 AM. Ava wakes between 7-8 AM. I ALWAYS nap when she does. For me, having the ability to do library programs, the playground or just a leisurly day is worth 6 hrs of sleep. I absolutely hate having to wake Ava in the morning and when I've worked the 8-4:30 shift, I always have to wake her. Plus this way, she's either with me or DH the majority of the time. I've always cared for other people's kids so I was surprised that I had such a strong reaction to someone else taking care of her the majority of her waking hours. I love my work schedule. I do miss doing bedtime most nights so it's not perfect but I have to work for health insurance.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Also, I think it depends on the baby. Ava is a MESS after about 5 PM. So when I am home during those times, I'm dealing with a fusspot. Not the happy interactive Ava during the day. I don't feel like I get more sleep on my nights off either. Just my two cents.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Presents. I am getting Ava the push cart from IKEA, some of the cloth food from there, probably a Gund Elmo and some books. Oh and a new bag. That girl LOVES her bags! She packs and unpacks stuff all day long. I saw a Leapfrog picnic basket on sale this weekend at TRU that I told my mom to look at. And I'll probably get her a new train like Lady or Molly. She has some of DSS 11's old trains and she loves them. She has Percy, Oliver, Butch and Bulgy. Oh I also considered the Playmobil 123 trash truck. That looks pretty cool.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I would not want to go back to work full time but then I wouldn't want to work at all.







I think I would probably fight for what I'm entitled to just on principle. Then if work was hostile, I could potentially file grievances about that. If the law says you are entitled to work part-time, they have to let you whether they like it or not. It's mother discrimination.

So, I went to the person's house for the knitting thing. Um, ew! My house is certainly not the cleanest in the world but I would at least vacuum the main room before strange company came over. I don't think this woman tried to clean at all. I was afraid to use her bathroom or eat off of her dishes. The cat was having fun eating those huge flying cockroaches and the kids were screaming and throwing balls all over the house, nearly knocking over glasses at the humongous TV. Then the host starts talking about her husband building mini electric chairs so he can shock live mice that they used to feed to their snakes. She laughed but all I could think was there's something wrong with him. He's sadistic. That's like serial killer stuff. Oh, and she's all over Facebook about reading the Bible and going to church and being so Christian. How can you claim to be that way and think it's funny that your husband built his own electric chair to torture animals? Sick! I am so glad I did not take my kids.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

I get what you're saying Lauri. That's one of the things that upsets me about potentially working FT, is missing all our playdates and groups- LLL, the babywearers group, a new diapering group I'm part-admining. I'll miss those things. Ugh. So conflicted!

We've got a lot of the same ideas on our list. I saw that picnic basket in a store the other day and showed it to Ten and she seemed really interested in it. We just pulled out our brio trains, so I'm seeing how she does with them. My MIL bought her the leapfrog Zany zebra ride on/push toy. Also tons of play food and accessories on the list. I also have a few dolls and accessories. Craft supplies. the tookbelt from ikea. chunky wooden cars and animals. felted wool balls. Little People playsets. I want wood ones, but i also know that no one will buy them for us, so it's a waste of space to even put it on the list. And then there's the boring stuff like hair elastics, socks, plastic cups and bowls. I feel like I've gotten lots of good ideas in the past couple days and she's got an ok list now. I still feel like I'm missing something though.

My list on the other hand... sucks. I need gift ideas to fill a $50 price point, a $75 one and about $150. Not counting the stuff on my list that I know people won't buy (like a necklace I really want, but has to be ordered online, etc), I don't think I even have $275 worth of stuff on my list. But I don't know what else to add. The sort of things I want right now, aren't things I can put on a list because I need to pick them out myself. I probably just need to come up with gift certificates. What sort of things do you guys want for Christmas?


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Also, I think it depends on the baby. Ava is a MESS after about 5 PM. So when I am home during those times, I'm dealing with a fusspot. Not the happy interactive Ava during the day. I don't feel like I get more sleep on my nights off either. Just my two cents.


That is a really good point! And I didn't even think about how nice it would be to have mornings to hang out and spend time with your LO. That's a good point too!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> And I'll probably get her a new train like Lady or Molly. She has some of DSS 11's old trains and she loves them. She has Percy, Oliver, Butch and Bulgy. Oh I also considered the Playmobil 123 trash truck. That looks pretty cool.


Or Rosie!

I'll check out the playmobil 123. I've only heard of it in passing.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I would not want to go back to work full time but then I wouldn't want to work at all.
> 
> ...


OMG!!!

Isn't it hard to be at someone's house where you don't want to touch or use anything? I hate that. And you're right - that's animal cruelty! I would have had trouble keeping my opinions to myself!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I would not want to go back to work full time but then I wouldn't want to work at all.
> 
> ...


Ok that is SUPER creepy. Super.

I stopped off at a friend from my parenting group's house ot pick something up. I just about choked when I walked in the door. Seriously looked like something off of hoarders. Not a single clear/clean surface i nthe house, and smelled like a kennel. And I don't mean not clean as in wasn't dusted, I mean like... if you walked into the room with a glass and needed to put it down- there was literally nowhere flat to put it that wasn't covered in clothes and junk and dishes and just... stuff. I was shocked. People surprise you sometimes.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

OMG, Ava and her bags! I love that! It is so cute.

I have no idea about Christmas presents. We have so much stuff already. I don't need anything. I really don't like it that people insist on buying me something. Really, if I say I don't want/need anything, save your money. Donate it to a charity in my name. Don't get me a useless gift card that I will never use because I can't stand going in the store.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Yeah, we managed to cancel the gift exchange with DH's side of the family this year. So I just need from my mom, my dad, and then one of my siblings (gift exchange on that side). I'm really leaning towards the gift cards. Especially Ikea! lol But I'm sure I could spend some money/gift cards on new clothes too!

Tenley's harder because she will be getting from my mom, my dad, rob's parents, and then 6 different aunts and uncles. My family is ok, but his family is =notorious= for buying WAY too much. It's not uncommon for his mom to spend over $200 I would say on one child. Which is fine... when there's one of them. But there's 7 grandchildren now. Not only is it SO much money, but it takes forever to go through all the gifts! lol We spend hours sitting and trying to convince the kids to keep opening, and keep opening, and keep opening.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

We usually are just scraping together enough money for christmas presents for the kids so we don't usually do anything for each other or other grownups. Last year, DH surprised me with my Nook. I'd probably ask for gift cards, massage certificates, free babysitting, etc. That's so crazy about the knitting lady MW. People are crazy.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Oh another gift idea would be a year membership to a children's museum if you have one close by. Or a zoo. Something like that.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Those are good idea, Annie. I hadn't thought of something like that.

I don't really concern myself with how much money other people spend. That's their issue. I don't feel any obligation to reciprocate but dh does. It drives me nuts because he thinks I'm being rude when I say I think it's silly to buy gifts for all the adults.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

OK I thought of some things I would ask for if I were in your situation JJ. I would love to have a soda stream machine. Do you guys have those in Canada? I love seltzer/sparkling water and it carbonates tap water. Brilliant! Would also request a big crockpot, giftcard to Starbuvks, Barnes and Noble giftcard, magazine subscriptions (love O and Real Simple!)...stuff that I like but wouldn't necessarily buy for myself.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> OK I thought of some things I would ask for if I were in your situation JJ. I would love to have a soda stream machine. Do you guys have those in Canada? I love seltzer/sparkling water and it carbonates tap water. Brilliant! Would also request a big crockpot, giftcard to Starbuvks, Barnes and Noble giftcard, magazine subscriptions (love O and Real Simple!)...stuff that I like but wouldn't necessarily buy for myself.


These are great ideas! We have a seltzer maker that just takes co2 canisters that can get refilled at like sports authority. It's great to have! We add some fresh lemon juice or lime juice sometimes, it's so refreshing!

Also doing the zoo membership for the kids.

My inlaws give a lot, but since ours are the only grandkids, I think it's fine. We do one present for each grown up. I like doing that. It doesn't have to be a big gift, but something nice they like. We usually give liquor, or a gift card, or something.

I love getting magazine subscriptions!

Coffee clubs can be nice too!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Soooo awesome first six hours last night, and then she barely slept the next 5 hours, and has been SUCH a grouch all day long. Vaccine related? She glad a shot Friday am. She was fussy all day yesterday too


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Soooo awesome first six hours last night, and then she barely slept the next 5 hours, and has been SUCH a grouch all day long. Vaccine related? She glad a shot Friday am. She was fussy all day yesterday too


Very well could be from the shot. Which one did she have? Ava was a mess after the DTaP.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Yep, I agree with Annie. Have you tried giving her something for pain?


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Poor T and poor you!! Hang in there. Maybe tonight she'll play catch up.

Had a great day! Went for a good run (HAD to clear my head. Been so upset about a few things...) with the baby, just over 3 miles. Then came home and occupied the kids, and DH and I snunk in a shower together. OMG we haven't done that in AGES. LITERALLY. Then made dinner while chatting on the phone with a friend, had some wine... ah. Nice Sunday.

Looking at a busy week tho! Glad I got a nice sort of relaxing day. Hope you all had a good weekend too!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

I saw that run log Carrie! Good job! I'm jealous. I miss running, but at the same time, I can't seem to get the motivation to get out there.

I haven't given a painkiller because it was so long ago. Maybe I will try tonight. Worth a shot! Ironically, it was the dtap shot + polio. The adacel one. grrr.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I can see how it may take a few days for any reaction to be at it's worst. It's like getting a cold. You start out with a little sniffle or a mildly scratchy throat and 3 days later you feel like you've been hit by a truck.

I'm the same way about exercise. I just can't seem to get motivated to do it. I did some yoga while in the backyard with Dylan today. The neighborhood kids were like, "What are you doing?"









Dylan has been so fussy and clingy. I don't know what's going on. A growth spurt, maybe, because he wants to nurse constantly but only for a very few minutes. It's driving me crazy because I can't do anything. As soon as I think he's fine playing or whatever and try to do something else, he comes to me fussing/crying and wants to nurse again but only for a minute.

DH has fallen asleep in the chair in the living room. He thinks he's helping by not going to bed. Yeah, thanks.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Weekend was good (minus my sister) and so busy! Well, she broke her leg, which I am honestly sympathetic about, I am sure she's got plenty of pain, and pain killers. But, she came with us to IKEA - we got her a wheelchair - and it was going Ok, until we started talking about plans for Sunday - we had tickets to the Panther/Bronco game that starts (kick off) is at 1 pm. She lives like 45 minutes away from the stadium. Asked what time we needed to leave, she's like, oh, around 11:50. I said, um, no. I was thinking we wanted to GET there around 12. have time to find our seats, wander around, get some lunch, etc. She and her husband have been to games before and left at that time. I explained, hello - you are on freaking crutches, we likely will need to park a good bit aways to avoid paying heavily for the priveldge, we need to factor in extra time. She grumbled and whatever. and then said, well, I guess we can leave a little earlier than usual from church. Honestly, I hadn't intended on GOING to church with her. I don't think any of us did. But she never misses a Sunday. Ever. I told her even our pastor takes vacation, it's ok to miss a sunday now and then. but whatever. I understand she and BIL have responsibilities at church, but everyone needs a break. . . . So this made her all grumpy. And then on the way out of IKEA she asked about names, and I told her baby would likely be Theodore Lewis. She was pouty, I was like what? You have always said you had dibs on Andrew (dad's middle name) and I don't care to use it, so NBD. She said she wanted them BOTH. She has never, ever, ever, ever, expressed an intrested in Theodore. When Norah was in utero, she was bummed about out name choice then too, bc she wanted to use Eleanor and call a baby Nora for short. Again, prior to my announcing the name, no mention of this. She has mentioned Andrew, Abana, Abigail .. Christopher, but never Theodore or Norah. I told her (at IKEA) that she who has baby first, gets naming rights. That shut her up.

We ended up leaving church just after the worship music, traffic was HORRIBLE on the way to the game. NO big suprise there, and then, of course there was a crazy wait to get in (something with increased security, which we were told was atypical) So we didn't even get to our seats until 1/2 way through the first quarter. The seats were good, the game was good, Broncos won. But my sister . . . .enh. *sigh*

Norah did fine at MILs over the weekend, though she fell off MIL's bed once (though honestly, she may have been just trying to slide off and fell on the way down. she does that) and it freaked MIL out. I told her, NBD, that happens. Now, if Norah were a newborn, different story. I missed her bunches, but it was easier to not have her with us for the game.

Gifts: We buy for the kids, obviously, and get my sister and BIL a gift, my parents a gift, DH's parents each a gift. That's it. we typically don't buy for each of the kids in the extended family. The aunts and grandparents do though, and that's fine.

More fun family stuff: on the way home after getting Norah, MIL calls and says her sisters wondered about invites to Gabe's party. 1)they never were invited to his first 2 parties that were family/friends affairs 2) his party is at a children's museum, it's mostly for his friends . . . It honestly didn't occur to DH or I to invite them. I told MIL they are welcome to come, adults are free, but we had to limit the number of kids. And didn't invite any kids from that side of the family bc Gabe never plays with them. Whatever.

(I hate this time of year for family drama)

MW: I say growth spurt, unless he's coming down with a cold? is his nose stuffy? mine would nurse like that when their noses get stuffy.

Carrie - glad you and DH got some time together, and a good run! that's awesome!

JJ: glad to see you on here more often - we miss you and Ten!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I hate HATE name drama! They should just be happy for you. She isn't preggo right now so you obv get dibs on whatever name you want to choose!

My sister (back when we were speaking) did that when I was pg with Nora before we knew boy/girl. She emailed me saying she always wanted to use the name Nathan so could we please not use that? I was like WtF? Ok fine. I wasn't even planning on using that anyway, lol. It's not a family name or anything, just a random name she wanted to use! LOL!

Weird about the party. You think they'll go?

So - my run really cleared my head yesterday. I've been so upset about this whole friend drama, the fight she started with me during the storm. I've just really been eaten up about it. Idk. I'm sensitive that way I think. Anyway finally I came to a conclusion that I'm not ok leaving it as never speaking again. I just can't do that again. I've cut so many ppl out of my life. Maybe I AM hard to deal with. Idk. So, last night I just went and liked a few of her pics. Baby steps, you know?

This morning I come on and her New Best Friend wrote this huge long outpouring sappy status about how much she's thankful for (you know that 30 days of thanks) her Best Friend in the whole world and how good a friend she is, and how life changing it is to have such a good Best Friend. And of course I can see it b/c she tagged her in it, so it's plain as day.

Talk about OUCH. Ugh.

Part of me also feels like maybe this girl wrote this stuff on purpose, to be petty and mean. I HATE drama. I don't want any. So whatever I do, it has to be the least drama inviting thing.

I'm being so dumb about this. I feel like I'm stalking an ex. I feel like I just cannot shake this feeling of being left out and I'm just having trouble moving on. Which is dumb for a few reasons...most of which i have amazing friends now too, way better than this girl. LOADS BETTER. But she's my oldest friend. I have to accept things have changed and can't go back the way they were, and just grow up and move on. My feelings are my feelings but I can't keep going on like this.

You guys agree?

Anyway, Target today, meeting up with my friend and her kids and getting some groceries. Let the week begin! More coffee first!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I am not a fan of Drama. I avoid it all costs. I haven't ever completely cut a friend off, I just withdraw. I also don't have a lot of "old" friends . . I have a couple I keep up with on facebook, but that's it. But I think it's one reason I had very few girl friends growing up, I just can't deal with drama.

DH's family is all drama, all the time. I am so glad to live on the other side of town from them. Most of them live within minutes of eachother in a small suburb, so they are all up in each other's business. I can't deal with that. Every family holiday the last few years has had some cloud over it - we can't celebrate at this person's house, bc she won't let this other person in the door, and vice versa. It's ridic. Get over it people. I don't know if it's because I didn't have any geographically close extended family growing up, but I just don't understand or know how to deal with this type of stuff.

I hope you have a good day!

Because I am curious, did you find out whether your other friend had a VBAC or a RCS? It's one of those odd, none of my business questions that's been lingering in the back of my mind.

IDK if the new BFF is trying to start drama or not, or maybe she is just one of those ridiculously effusive people?


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

MW: got the socks! and the ball - they are all adorable, and thanks for thinking of us! I am fairly certain the socks will fit, but since my kids can't keep socks on in near 80 degree weather, I will wait until night time to try them on and get a pic.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> I am not a fan of Drama. I avoid it all costs. I haven't ever completely cut a friend off, I just withdraw. I also don't have a lot of "old" friends . . I have a couple I keep up with on facebook, but that's it. But I think it's one reason I had very few girl friends growing up, I just can't deal with drama.
> 
> ...


That's what I'm doing. Withdrawing. I don't go out of my way to talk to her, she doesn't seem to want to talk to me either about daily stuff, so that's that. I think rather than cut her off (which to me IS drama) I'll just fade and let her fade. But I really am nosey and want to chat with her about things like we did. I miss that banter. Oh well.

So my other friend - she ended up with another c section, but not for lack of trying! She went into labor on her, own, water broke on its own (right AFTER they lost power. She was so so so nervous). Couldn't get ahold of mw or doula for hours. Went to the hospital (w/no power, laboring at home was tough she said. No distractions, no lights, couldn't get in the tub, etc). Finally got doula and mw, labored amazingly for 30 (!!!!) hours, got to 10. Pushed for something crazy like 3 hours, baby would NOT descend. M was exhausted. Baby was posterior and her mw talked to them about her options. I think she said they could do an epidural and continue pushing but she wasn't sure if baby even WOULD descend b/c of her position. So, she opted for another section.

She's happy tho. She's happy she got to go into labor and not be induced, she got to work thru labor, and although she wasn't able to vbac she doesn't doubt her body anymore like she did the first time.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

woot! I am so glad she got her TOL! I mean, another c section sucks, but at least she tried, and she knows her body isn't broken. babies are stubborn about positon, especially if your water breaks early in labor - it seems that makes it easy for them to get stuck. I am glad Norah was able to move around a bit, bc she was stuck in a position that wouldn't work.

My oldest friend is no longer local, and isn't on FB much, so we email every few months. I miss the closeness, but honestly, we are just in different places in our lives right now. Both moms and main breadwinners . . . but you know, different ways of doing things, different interests and priorities.

Gabe's party is Saturday! I am not ready. oh well.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Yes, I hear you. I'm actually really glad that my Nora rotated as well. She was posterior. 11 hours into active labor, at 8 cm, I was stuck and nothing was happening but a lot of pain. My water had already broken and man. I was done. My mw had me lay on my side and blow thru ctx for about an hour. It was excruciating!!! All of a sudden I just felt "something happening" and Nora rotated into anterior and boom - I was 10 and pushing within a few min. thank goodness, you know? If she hadn't turned, I probably would have been a transfer that snowballed into a section.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Oh man, akind1, that would piss me off to no end! I love football and I would be so excited to go to a pro game, there's no way I would want to miss a single minute! And why do the aunts want to go to the party anyways? Are they going to help with the kids? Or just stand on the side and watch? Ugh, that would make me mad.

Baby_Cakes, I think your method is a good plan. Just step back, no need for a big "I'm not talking to you anymore" thing. I'm happy to hear that your friend got the TOL but honestly, that scares the crap out of me. All that labor and still have to recover from a c-section. Yikes! But it sounds like it restored some confidence in her body so that's good.

MW, any update on the sitter situation for the Ball?

Look at this bag I found! http://www.amazon.com/Sugar-Booger-Kiddie-Play-Back/dp/B002C1AXMA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352764571&sr=8-1&keywords=sugarbooger+backpack Pretty sure that is one of Ava's christmas presents, I just need to decide on the pattern!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

OMG that backpack is adorable! The pirate one is perfect for Finn! OMG!!!

re - labor plus section - hell yes. She was exhausted and saying that she was having a slow recovery, and I was like - DUDE. You just had the worst of both worlds, PLEASE give yourself more time!!

I can't wait to go visit her. I'm hoping this week or next.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

no ball. dh didn't get a ticket for ethan so i am refusing to go now. i'm not going to leave ethan heartbroken because his dad can be an ass.

kat ~ glad you got the socks and the ball. took me forever to get it mailed. sorry about that.

annie ~ those bags are adorable. i'm partial to the love and peace and dinosaur ones.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Where is everybody? Busy?

I got a lot done today. Cleaned up, did dishes, wiped down the bathroom, threw in a load of diapers, went out to lunch with my friend and her DD/DS, came home and put the baby down for nap (and fell asleep for a little bit with him), ran on the treadmill, watched Dr Who while working out. AHHHH. I'm SITTING right now and computer-ing. LOL! I have like 45 min til I have to go get Nora from school so I'm going to just relax!!

Not much else going on with me!

JJ did you figure out work stuff yet?


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I didnt' have much to say, LOL. you know, work. potty training (sucks - we have had no pees in the potty and 1 on the carpet today) more work, diaper laundry, baby poops (she has had 4 today! 4! not diarrhea, just soft, ploppable/peelable poos) I am 23 + 6 with a very active, active baby.

You had a productive day! hooray for down time!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Not much going on here. DH has the day off, sort of, so he's been home all day. We've just been hanging out, cleaning a little. He's been in the kitchen making food. It's rainy here, which always slows me down a bit.

Oh, and I'm working on some knitted things to donate to a non-profit so they can auction them to raise money to get their non-profit status, if that makes any sense.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Hi everyone,

I have been looking for an active group of Moms on MDC for a while now and I went searching and found this group and it looks pretty active.

I will start by introducing myself. 

My name is Annie but everyone calls me Ann. I am 33 years young (I turn 34 in December!) I am a mama of two boys. Michael is 10 and Edward (Eddie) was born on December 31st, 2011 and is 10 months old. I was born & raised in The Netherlands, Europe. Moved to America 11 and a half years years ago where I met Mike, got married and have been for the past 11 years. We fell hard and quick, got married and had babies. lol!

Right now we live in Phoenix, AZ but hope to move up north in the near future.

I'm a stay at home mom and loving it, but sometimes I miss working outside of the home.

I love baking, cooking, DYI projects, camping, singing, dancing, reading (when I actually get to), sleeping, watching movies or tv, spending time with the family, meeting other moms for playdates etc.

When the baby is older I would like to go back to college and become a Lactation Consultant. 

Sorry for the novel. It will take me a while to memorize everyone by name so please be patient since my brain has been mush since I gave birth. lol!!!

Can't wait to get to know everyone. I already know one of you. Hi Jenine!!! 

P.S. Excuse my grammar as English is not my first language. ;-)


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Welcome, Annie. We'll have to come up with a nickname for you since you will now make the 3rd Annie in this group.







Maybe EM, short for your screen name?


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

EM sounds good to me!!!! ;-)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Welcome, Annie. We'll have to come up with a nickname for you since you will now make the 3rd Annie in this group.
> 
> ...


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> Where is everybody? Busy?


Trying to keep my child from driving me insane. I know that her frustration right now is because she's on the verge of another developmental milestone but she's seriously about to push me over the edge! She wants to do everything that she can't do. She's got this weird fascination with the freezer right now. So she flips out until I pick her up and then she flips out until I walk in the kitchen with her and then she flips out until I let her open the freezer. Then she wants to take stuff out, not because she wants to eat it, she just wants to take crap out of the freezer! So then I tell her no and put her down and she falls out in the kitchen floor. Also she refuses to sign milk so she'll just fuss until I take her in the kitchen and then she'll point to the bottle rack. I keep saying "Ava, you want milk?" and signing milk but she just looks at me. She's bored with her toys but I don't have the time when she's not with me to put away those things and pull out new stuff and so it's just this vicious cycle. I finally pulled out Tinker Toys this morning and a stepstool and that kept her entertained for about 15 minutes.

Welcome EuroMama!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Hi everyone,
> 
> ...


Welcome EM! How do you know JJ? IRL? I'm actually about to sign up to take a course to become a doula and a lactation counselor. I can't wait to get started. I'm not quite sure what I"m waiting for...maybe I feel like somehow I'll have time one day and right now I don't? Ha!

Hugs Lauri!! It's so hard when they want to do stuff but either can't or really aren't allowed. It's frustrating on so many levels.

Kat - yay for an active bubs!

I taught Finn today the sign for potty when he poops. He's running around now shaking his fist in the air yelling "booop! booop!" hahahah! This age is so funny!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Baby_Cakes- I know her from our MDC Dec '11 DDC! 

Thank you Annie!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie

Annie ~ I'm going through the same thing with Dylan. Several times a day he flops himself on the floor and cries because he can't do something that he wants to do.

Ethan is going to the ball with DH. They went out a bought a suit tonight. I think most of you have already seen the photo on Facebook. He's so funny. He hung his suit up in a particular way in the closet. He's so very particular.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Carrie - I am the same way. I have so many plans but I always say that I don't have the time, which I do. Lol

I just read about you having to let a friend go and I am so sorry.  I understand the feeling though. Its like a grieving process.

I recently had to make the choice for myself to let my SIL go. I still have to see her during family gatherings, but I don't text, call, etc anymore because (long story) of her lying too much. Its hard. But, sometimes we have to let someone go so we can live toxic free.

There is this quote that I really love:

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
Things we don't want to know but have to learn.
And people we can't live without but have to let go.

My 10 month old is just now eating dinner with us (other than boob) and its so much fun (sarcasm) cleaning this stuff up.

He won't let me feed him, he must do it himself, which I am grateful for, but I HATE cleaning his highchair. He will get food in corners I didn't know existed.

Glad the dogs clean the floors though. lol!

Ok, first day here and I already rambled too much.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Carrie - I am the same way. I have so many plans but I always say that I don't have the time, which I do. Lol
> 
> ...


I agree with all of this.








about baby eating. My dh is always digging pieces of food out of nooks and crannies in that highchair. It may be a bit of a cleaning pain for us but it is so much better for the babies to let them feed themselves. I don't know if you've ever tried to sit and feed a baby but that's no fun. I find cleaning up their messes much easier than trying to feed them.

Haha on the rambling. I can ramble and ramble. Your posts are one-liners in comparison.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I agree with all of this.
> 
> ...


If its really bad I just take the highchair outside and hose it down.
















at the one-liners.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I'm really feeling a lot better re: the friend stuff. I feel a sense of relief and a weight lifted off of my shoulders. We haven't been good friends for each other for a long time now, and I think this is just the culmination of both of us being crappy to each other. She's always lacked that sensitivity chip that I need in a friend, and apparently I always take my stress out on her. So. We'll just go our own ways.

EM thanks for your words! So true and helpful.

We actually have never had a high chair. We have a seat that goes on top of a chair that buckles with a tray. Months ago, I think before Finn was 1, I moved him to a kid size table and chair and man, it's been so much easier since. He eats way better and makes less mess.

We also only let babies/kids self feed. I can't be bothered with feeding them. If they want to eat, they will. 

Finn ate so much dinner tonight he didn't nurse to sleep. I was so confused and a little sad! He nursed but was wiggly and it was obv to me he was just really full. I can't space out dinner and bedtime much more tho -- dinner is at 6 or so when DH gets home from work, and bedtime HAS to be around 830 or we'll never get up for school in the am. So. He just sort of rolled around in bed with me until he settled, and then rolled over and went to sleep. Like a big kid. Sniff sniff! So not ready for things like this.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I got a lot done today. Cleaned up, did dishes, wiped down the bathroom, threw in a load of diapers, went out to lunch with my friend and her DD/DS, came home and put the baby down for nap (and fell asleep for a little bit with him), ran on the treadmill, watched Dr Who while working out. AHHHH. I'm SITTING right now and computer-ing. LOL! I have like 45 min til I have to go get Nora from school so I'm going to just relax!!
> 
> JJ did you figure out work stuff yet?


Free time!! Whoaaaa!

No, I haven't heard, and I'm totally biting my nails wondering. I just need to KNOW so I can move on to the next stage of figuring things out. And I haven't figured out what I'm going to do if they say no, I can only come back full time or not at all.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Can't wait to get to know everyone. I already know one of you. Hi Jenine!!!


Hello!! Good to see you.

Quote:



> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Trying to keep my child from driving me insane. I know that her frustration right now is because she's on the verge of another developmental milestone but she's seriously about to push me over the edge! She wants to do everything that she can't do. She's got this weird fascination with the freezer right now. So she flips out until I pick her up and then she flips out until I walk in the kitchen with her and then she flips out until I let her open the freezer. Then she wants to take stuff out, not because she wants to eat it, she just wants to take crap out of the freezer! So then I tell her no and put her down and she falls out in the kitchen floor. Also she refuses to sign milk so she'll just fuss until I take her in the kitchen and then she'll point to the bottle rack. I keep saying "Ava, you want milk?" and signing milk but she just looks at me. She's bored with her toys but I don't have the time when she's not with me to put away those things and pull out new stuff and so it's just this vicious cycle. I finally pulled out Tinker Toys this morning and a stepstool and that kept her entertained for about 15 minutes.


Ugh! Milestones are both so fantastic and so fantastically crappy at the same time. Tenley's been a lot the same lately, I think she's just on the verge of walking.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> Welcome EM! How do you know JJ? IRL? I'm actually about to sign up to take a course to become a doula and a lactation counselor. I can't wait to get started. I'm not quite sure what I"m waiting for...maybe I feel like somehow I'll have time one day and right now I don't? Ha!


I want to become a LLL leader soon (you have to have breastfed for a year first), -if- I'm not working fulltime. If I'm working full time I don't know how I'd be able to attend meetings. I've become really attached to our local group. Longer term, yeah I totally want to go for my IBCLC. From what I've heard it is SO hard though, and pretty expensive.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Ethan is going to the ball with DH. They went out a bought a suit tonight. I think most of you have already seen the photo on Facebook. He's so funny. He hung his suit up in a particular way in the closet. He's so very particular.


Saw the photo. I'm glad her got to go!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept.
> 
> ...


I like that quote!

And YES on the mess. We got a supposedly easy wipe clean high chair. Ummm not so much! Next time, I'm totally buying a cheap Ikea or classic wood one, that has NO nooks and crannies.

Ok guys... Especially Lauri, because I know you mentioned Ava had a reaction to the dtap-- Tell me about vaccine reactions. Tenley is still SO out of sorts, and both Rob and I admitted we're wondering if it's a response to the vaccine. It's her first shot of dtap-IPV, specifically Adacel. She had a tiny bit of fever the night she got it, but nothing otherwise, that was Friday. Saturday she had that 6 hour stretch (unheard of!!) and then for the rest of the night, was up almost constantly, aggrevated, crying, wanting to nurse, flailing around in the bed, and just generally very unsettled. She didn't have a stretch longer than 45 minutes or so for the rest of the night.

Since then, she's been so unsettled and fussy, all day, all night. No long stretches of sleep at night, or during her naps. She's fighting her naps like crazy. During the day, she's just acting off-- she won't focus on any of her toys for long, she'll cry, crawl up to me and flail herself at me, but then not actually nurse or anything, she'll jut want to stretch out and push into me. She won't really cuddle either, like as if she were sick. She's not nursing very long during the day, but also not eating much, though she's drinking tons of water.

She also has by far the worst rash she's ever had- very red, actually bled a bit yesterday, and is now blistering. And, probably unrelated, but she keeps playing with her foot, though we can't find anything wrong with it, and if we touch it, it doesn't seem sensitive.

So.... normal about-to-hit-a-milestone craziness, or should I be worried about vaccine reaction? She just seems so... off. Like yes, she's never been an easy baby, but these last few days again have been so horrible. She's needing constant attention and dedication, and even then, she's not happy. She's sitting right now playing with some play food, and it's the first time since Saturday that she's -really- played nicely on her own. Blah. I don't know what to do. We set up a playdate tomorrow, because I can't be alone with her in a mood like this for another day. It's driving me batty.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I think Ava is working on more teeth (how that's possible, I have no clue) so she's not eating too much again and just drinking a lot of milk. Thankfully, my supply picked up after AF was over so I'm not stressed about meeting her needs. She's also refusing to go in the shower with me now. She wants to pull everything out of the cabinets under the sink.







I swear, she thinks she's 5 yrs old. I hope she starts talking soon because I think that will bring her frustration level down a notch.

I'm in denial that Thanksgiving is next week. We're (me, DH, Ava and MIL) are going to my mom's house Thanksgiving Day. The big kids are with their mom this year since we have them Christmas morning. So thankful I don't have to do all the cooking this year. But I need to check with the kids to see if they expect me to do a Thanksgiving meal over the weekend when they are home. I think I'm going to do Target and TRU Thanksgiving night for the Black Friday sales. Anyone else going out for BF?


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> I want to become a LLL leader soon (you have to have breastfed for a year first), -if- I'm not working fulltime. If I'm working full time I don't know how I'd be able to attend meetings. I've become really attached to our local group. Longer term, yeah I totally want to go for my IBCLC. From what I've heard it is SO hard though, and pretty expensive.
> 
> ...


Vax stuff first - hugs! It's totally possible. They can cause body aches, headaches, fatigue, restlessness. I bet even if you report it it'll be "within range of normal" reaction, which is BS.

What I'm doing with the Prevnar is NOT doing another one until Finn can tell us what hurts/what he feels (IF we even do another).

IBCLC is a ton of work and it helps so much to have an RN first. So if I wanted to go that route, I'd have to go to nursing school which I personally have no desire to do. LLL would be fun and I think more reasonable to do! I looked into that at first as well. I hope you get some sort of plan for work soon. Limbo is so hard.


----------



## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Ok guys... Especially Lauri, because I know you mentioned Ava had a reaction to the dtap-- Tell me about vaccine reactions. Tenley is still SO out of sorts, and both Rob and I admitted we're wondering if it's a response to the vaccine. It's her first shot of dtap-IPV, specifically Adacel. She had a tiny bit of fever the night she got it, but nothing otherwise, that was Friday. Saturday she had that 6 hour stretch (unheard of!!) and then for the rest of the night, was up almost constantly, aggrevated, crying, wanting to nurse, flailing around in the bed, and just generally very unsettled. She didn't have a stretch longer than 45 minutes or so for the rest of the night.
> 
> ...


Sounds very much like a vaccine reaction. Ava's first Pentacel dose, she was feverish and cranky for a couple of days. Her second dose, it was worse. Fever spikes to 102 for the first couple of nights and general malaise for a week. But Ava has always reacted poorly to shots, even the Synagis shot that isn't really a vaccine and shouldn't cause the reactions that it did. When it was pre-repair, it would affect her O2 levels which make me think she was in pain. Does she act like she feels better when you give ibuprofen?


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

We gave Tylenol and didn't seem to change her behaviour at all. She seems to go crazy when we give ibuprofen normally (hyperactive and weird) so we haven't offered. Maybe ill give it a shot tomorrow during the day.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

First of all, hello EM! Welcome. Don't ever worry about rambling. One of the reasons each of our months have so many pages is that we tend to write books, not posts.And we are just generally chatty people.

JJ: Hugs. I haven't ever given any shots, so have never dealt with a reaction. It sounds like, based on the others' desciptions, something that will pass, but in the midst of it, sucks big time.

I hope you hear from HR soon.

MW: glad Ethan got/gets to go to the ball. I know he's excited!

Carrie - love the image of Finn running around saying Boop! Boop!

Annie/Lauri - Ava is an old soul, can't expect her to act like a baby! Norah wants to do everything Gabe does which is problematic for 2 reasons. 1) she is younger and just doesn't have those physical abilities yet and 2) She isn't nearly as gifted in the athletic department as he is - I mean, the boy can do anything he puts his mind to He takes it slowly, thinks about, and just does - physically speaking. Norah's feet and hands get ahead of her head and she trips, slips, falls, and is just a klutz - like her mama. It's very frustrating. The falling and making mistakes is part of learning, but she doesn't make safe mistakes, iykwim. she makes ones that could cause serious injury. She dives for wet stairs and wants to go down them. Wants to climb over the back of the couch or jump of an end table. *sigh* she's more of a handful than Gabe was.

I would love to be a doula one day. I honestly have no desire to do LLL stuff. I have friends that are involved with them, and they like it, but I feel I don't need to attend meetings in order to trouble shoot - I have plenty of friends to help me. (If I should need it). I am glad there are those of you with that passion though, we need more of them!

Confession: I really miss nursing Norah. I have a feeling she'd latch if I offered, but I still think I really don't want to tandem, so would I be shooting myself in the foot? She seems find cuddling without that connection, but man. I didn't miss nursing Gabe AT ALL when he weaned during N's pregnancy. But then, I nursed him for 15 months. I didn't get to quite 12 with Norah. I am really torn. I see nursing toddler pics and they make me so sad. I mean, I am sure I will get there with this baby, bc he is the last one, but in the meantime . . . IDK. maybe it's just preggo hormones.

What are everyone's thanksgiving plans? We are doing someting small with DH's family Thursday, and my family is doing stuff on Friday - my sister is coming down for the weekend (shoot me now. I am almost serious) . . . and then nothing planned for the weekend, that I know of.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Just getting ready for a playdate, so I'll be quick, BUT-- My faith in my company is restored!! My direct boss (It goes me, AFOM who has no power, FOM-Jane (the one who just came back from mat leave too), DOR- Bethany. Bethany practically runs the place, and then HR who I was talking to and getting no answers. Anyways-- Jane just called me, and had this total like "Ummm of COURSE we're going to take you back type thing. Apparently the only thing she was worried about was my doula work interfering, to which obviously I told her, well, no problem, because I don't have any doula clinets :/ lol Obviously if I do decide to take clients, she wants to know, but for now, I really think I'm just going to ride things out for a while. It's been really disheartening trying to find clients and getting -nothing-. Other than one couple I had a meeting with, I haven't had -anybody- seriously contact me that wasn't asking me to do it for free.

Anywho... so yeah, She said she'll work on getting me on the schedule for end of November, working around or up to 25 hours, which is exactly what I wanted. When I sent in my availability I put 8am-1130pm mon-sat, and unavailable sunday. That way we have one dedicated day off together to spend as a family. She said she'll try to start with 3-4 shifts a week, so not full 8 hour shifts, which is nice, because I'll have more time at home with her.

Phew. I just feel such a weight off my shoulders. She was like "we are SO glad you decided to come back" and kept telling me to just let her know absolutely if anything changed, if I needed anything, etc etc. I loved her as a boss before, but I have a feeling it's going to be -such- a good thing to also be going through the -newly-back-to-work-with-a-baby-a-home thing with her. This is the boss that cried when I told her I was pregnant, and I found out later it was because she had just found out she was pregnant too, and was super emotional.

Whew. Ok, I need to go or I'm going to miss my bus!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

HOORAY!! That's fantastic news and great schedule to go back to! Perfect!!!

How is miss tenley feeling today? Any change?

re: thanksgiving - just going to whip up a few dishes and go eat at my ILs. Chris has off the friday after, and there's a natural mamas meet up that day so I have options for black friday. I never shop on black friday. Insane.

AFM - babysitting today! So far it's been easy. Both kids have been napping for about an hour, lol!

I'm just glad I can help. My friends DH was put on mandatory overtime this week and next, working 12 hour shifts (plus a 1 hr commute each way) so she's been on her own with a newborn and a 2 year old. Her newborn had a dr appt today so I told her to drop off E. At least she can get some time with just the little one and get lunch for herself and not worry about anything!

I cleaned my whole house this morning. So now while they nap I'm just sitting here on the computer, lol.

Kat - my 2 cents about the nursing. Does she seem interested? If she does, I would follow her lead. I wouldn't let the fear of tandeming scare you out of possibly getting that connection back with N. You can't let what might possibly happen in the future control what you do here and now. I don't think it's shooting anything in the foot or opening any cans of worms, b/c you have regret already. If you try, at least you won't have that "what if" in the back of your mind, you know?

That said, if she has moved on and isn't at all interested, take time to process your feelings on it and see what you can come up with.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

IDK if she's interested, honestly. She has taken to wanted to be cuddled in cradle hold, and when I lay her down for naps, she sticks her face in my armpit, so I think she still considers that area to be "home" on me (she doesn't seem to like to be held that way by anyone else) I feel like she has moved on . . . you KNOW how she eats - but she may miss it too. I will think on it some more and see what happens. I don't know if it's a fear of tandeming itself - I know IRL mamas that do - for one of them, it'll HELL. the toddler wants boobie ALL.THE.TIME. worse than the newbie. She kind of wishes she had weaned him now. (the squish is her 5th, so it's not like she's not btdt) The other friends toddler seems to only nurse when mama offers, and that seems reasonable. IDK which sort of toddler tandem nurser Norah would be. The first kind gives me the shivers. The second, I could totally deal with and manage.

And can I say, how AWESOME it is to know people that tandem nurse? and lots of people that nurse toddlers? when Gabe was a baby, I knew 1 person that nursed for more than 10 months. Just ONE. I am so happy to have found a network of friends that fit in more with my idea of normal.

JJ: so glad about your job! and I am sure you and Jane will do well together talking about baby things  Hope Tenleyis doing better.

Carrie - yay for clean house! and quiet time to be on the computer!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

JJ ~ Glad you got what you wanted from work.

They haven't gone to the ball yet. It's tomorrow night. They just went out last night to get Ethan a suit. DH had the idiocy to ask me if we had a suit for him. Considering we had already discussed that and looked at suits online and neither one of us bought anything, the answer would be no. He knew that. I don't know why he asks useless questions like that. I think it's his way of trying to tell me that we need to do something. Anyway, so a little later he's sitting in the den and he asks what size he should get. I told him he needed to take Ethan with him to try the suit on. He just sat there.







I think he was actually expecting me to go out and get the suit.

Apparently, he told both Ryan and Ethan that he is going to heart-broken that I'm not going. He'll be the only one there without a spouse and he'll have to stand around somewhere by himself. WTH? First, he has never expressed any kind of feelings like that to me. He just grunts and shrugs or gets angry. Second, going back to the very, very beginning, if it was that important to him, why didn't he make it happen? And, if he tried and couldn't, why is he mad at me about it? I wasn't in control of picking a weekday or having it an hour and a half away or anything else. I don't even know what to say about the fact that he would feel like that, say something to Ethan about it, and not say something to me. So, Ethan is all upset at me for not going so I had to tell him that DH only got two tickets so only one of us could go.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

You know what makes me wonder? If you know how he is and you know how he acts, instead of getting angry about it can you accept him for it and just either be outspoken, or take care of it?

Here I am being all marriage counselor when we have our own issues, I know! But learning to accept and appreciate our SO's faults and compensate for them is sort of part of being in a relationship, right?

Not the same, but I used to HATE that DH would rip the junk mail in half and then leave piles all over the place. Now I just expect him to. I expect to have to put his junk mail in the bin. I could choose to get mad about it and rail at him and say, "WHY DO YOU DO THAT??" but instead I just toss it. It's something I've almost come to love. Like an endearing trait. LOL.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> You know what makes me wonder? If you know how he is and you know how he acts, instead of getting angry about it can you accept him for it and just either be outspoken, or take care of it?


I'm not mad. I'm mostly hurt and frustrated/confounded. I had no idea he had any feelings like that about it because he never told me or showed me in any way. I don't know what he expects me to do. I don't think it's fair for him to hold me responsible and be angry with about it when he doesn't tell me what's going on inside of him. I can't read his mind. KWIM?

So, it's not that I knew he hid feelings like that. I didn't know he had any like that in the first place. I don't know how I can take care of it if I don't know what's going on. I have been very outspoken about him talking to me, telling me what he's thinking or feeling or planning. If he won't do that, what am I supposed to do?

I can accept the situation but I cannot accept him being angry with about things that are out of my control. It's not fair to me.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Every time I try to respond the baby is awake. I will respond tonight when he is in bed. 

Since he started to walk he has not been napping. :/


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Akind1 - Thank you for the welcome. 

I also understand your feelings of missing nursing. I am dreading the day he weans.

I LOVE nursing him and plan on nursing for a long time. I'll probably carry him to college in the Ergo and nurse him in between classes. *SARCASM*

You could try to nurse her see if she is interested. If she is, wonderful, if not and she has moved on, be proud of yourself. You have given her the very best for (insert months, years.) 

JJ- Glad things are working out with work.

MW - HUGS! Not knowing your whole story of course, I understand why you're upset. It upsets me when people act like you're supposed to know what they are thinking at all times. You are not a mind reader. He should have told you how he felt so you could have dealt with it at that time.

Carrie - My DH drives me batty with the stuff he leaves laying around, like the mail by the front door that gets piled up. However, I keep reminding myself that he does do a lot of awesome things, like cook dinner on his days off, take trash out, etc etc etc. He does his part in the house. So, I try to remind myself that its just mail, a lot of it that may, or may not ever get thrown away.

We had a busy day. Eddie has been walking like a drunk man for a few days now, has bumps and bruises. I feel so anxious during this time of learning how to walk. I don't like him falling and bumping his head. I know its a part of learning how to walk but it leaves me feeling super alert and anxious.

I also constantly feel like my house is not safe enough. Just when I think I have something put away, hidden away etc HE finds something that is a potential danger. Ahhhhh.

We weighed Eddie today and he is 23 lbs. All on mama milk. He is just now really eating other foods.

I feel so proud of this as with my oldest son I gave up nursing too soon. I quit when my milk came in and it hurt. I didn't have an awesome Lactation Consultant then either as I did/do now.

I gotta go because Eddie is trying to ride the cat like a horse.............!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I'm not mad. I'm mostly hurt and frustrated/confounded. I had no idea he had any feelings like that about it because he never told me or showed me in any way. I don't know what he expects me to do. I don't think it's fair for him to hold me responsible and be angry with about it when he doesn't tell me what's going on inside of him. I can't read his mind. KWIM?
> So, it's not that I knew he hid feelings like that. I didn't know he had any like that in the first place. I don't know how I can take care of it if I don't know what's going on. I have been very outspoken about him talking to me, telling me what he's thinking or feeling or planning. If he won't do that, what am I supposed to do?
> I can accept the situation but I cannot accept him being angry with about things that are out of my control. It's not fair to me.


Gotcha, and I completely agree! I thought you knew what he was thinking/doing and just decided not to do anything about it. But I understand now. Yes, that is frustrating and would really make me upset.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Every time I try to respond the baby is awake. I will respond tonight when he is in bed.
> 
> Since he started to walk he has not been napping. :/


Oh yes - those developmental milestones really screw up sleep. Hang in there!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> We had a busy day. Eddie has been walking like a drunk man for a few days now, has bumps and bruises. I feel so anxious during this time of learning how to walk. I don't like him falling and bumping his head. I know its a part of learning how to walk but it leaves me feeling super alert and anxious.
> 
> ...


Yay for 23 lbs and for a new walker! Glad you pushed thru engorgement and are feeling super proud. It's an amazing feeling to nurse a baby into toddlerhood and beyond!

Bumps and bruises happen. We call them adventure marks!  It's a good thing kids tend to bounce!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

JJ, so happy things are working out in the job situation. That has to be a huge weight off your mind. Hope Ten is feeling better.

akind1, I can see how you would be concerned but Norah has never been a super boob monster has she?

MW, I'm sorry. No advice but lots of hugs. That stuff has to be frustrating.

Baby_Cakes, you need to bring some of your excess energy down to my house!

EM, yeah bumps and bruises...lots of that with new walkers!

AFM, Ava and I went to a LLL meeting this morning. Mostly because I needed to get her out of the house and around other people. She loved it! There was another baby there that kept trying to tackle her and she would just sit there while it was happening but then when he would turn his back and start to crawl away, Ava would clock him in his back...hahahaha! Another mama came up to me afterward and said "She looks like she's a firecracker!"...yep, pretty much!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Norah was a super boob monster until she discovered real food  and not long after that I got pregnant, I think the last time she nursed was a week before her birthday, and before that it had been days, just off and on. I offered last night when I knew she was cranky and tired, and what does the little monster do? pinch my nipple! So, the boobie went away and I wore her instead, LOL. Thanks for the support guys, I guess I am really more bummed than I thought that she weaned, even though INTELLECTUALLY I wanted her to. Doesn't help my photog friend takes GORGEOUS breastfeeding shots and I have been seeing those pop up. IDK if any of you have liked the Beautiful Breastfeeding page on FB? but Resh's work often shows up on there - the mamas she takes pictures of are also friends. She is Blue Silk Photography. Carrie, she does New York Trips a couple times a year to visit family . . . just in case you want some gorgeous shots. (she does more than just breastfeeding - she says what she does is lifestyle photography. It's not staged or studio). She's doing my maternity photos in January and I am so looking forward to it!

Sorry - had to give a shout out to a great friend.

MW: I hate when people assume I know what they are thinking. My sister does this all the time. Wayne less so, He tells me stuff but honestly I am obviously not always paying attention, so it's not all his fault. Othertimes we are both guilty of assuming the other spouse knows what we know . . .and yeah.

He cleaned the house yesterday - it looks great! except for the kitchen . . . he ran out of time. (I am telling you, frequent DTD has its benefits LOL)

EM: sleep does always suck around milestones. hang in there! Will he sleep if you wear him? sometimes they just need to be held still for a bit. And 23 lbs! go mamamilk! Norah is only a couple months older and she's somewhere between 19-20 lbs. She wiggles too much on the baby scale to get a really accurate weight. How tall is he? Bumps and bruises are par for the course with a new walker, and a boy, but I'm sure you know that!

I wanted to take the kids outside for a bit today, but it's rainy and nasty  Tomorrow I need to grocery shop, bake, and decorate Gabe's cake pops and cake. Saturday morning is his party. Sunday is church and pictures, and I still havent figured out what the kids are wearing for those. Busy! Then of course Thanksgiving and Black Friday . . . I will be so glad once Christmas is over and there is time to rest!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

akind1, I just have to say that you are a rockstar mama! When you list out all the things you are going to do or have done, it makes me want to curl up and take a nap! Especially if I were pregnant! Your kids are so lucky to have your for their mama!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

^^^ yes seriously! Two young ones, plus working, plus all the outings an tasks you do, plus livin with family and all that associated stress-- you are Doug fantastic mama. An you take it all so in stride!

Had a good play date yesterday and ten came home as got some house organized. Going to try to keep up the momentum today. Wish me luck!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Oh, living with my family is no stress. If anything, it's less. we divvy up cooking and meal planning, mom helps with child care when she can, it's no big deal. Living with the ILs... more stress than I can say.

And all the activities . . . staying in the house makes us all go crazy. We go out and stay busy to maintain some sanity. I love the experience, but listing it out is exhausting!

I need to get Gabe out of the house today. He needs to run and climb, but it's been raining, and I am not sure where to take him to release that energy. He has already broken a glass bowl and knocked over a decorative tree. Neither out of deliberate disobedience or anything, just an overabundance of impatience and energy. (the bowl fell out of the fridge when he was trying to get himself a drink). I have since blocked off the kitchen.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

We also need to get out of the house! when I'm tired I'm always like, Ugh we are so having a lazy day at home, and then the day starts with all the crazies and I'm like we've GOT to get OUT OF HERE!! LOL!

I think we'll go food shopping. That's easy enough. Just need to make a list.

Made tofu scrambler for breakfast and Nora scarfed it and asked for more. She must be having a hollow day.

Then finn grabbed her mug of christmas milk (silk nog) and dumped it everywhere. Was the perfect time to learn we are out of paper towels.

I need more coffee. Finn woke up and needed to be rocked every hour from 3 am til 6. Finally at 630 I just got up and got the day started. At least he slept from 830 pm til 3 soundly!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

My kids have been eating lots today too, Eggs, whole foods waffles, yogurt, bananas . . .now frozen pizza for lunch. I think it's nap time. going out will have to wait.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

i think dylan has a cold, which might explain his recent fussiness and clinging. he didn't have any obvious signs before but last night he started sounding raspy and has now been coughing some.

he also got another tooth. idk how long it's been there. i gave up looking at least a week ago so now it pops through, of course.

he was so funny yesterday. he was purposely trying to get my goat. he had something in his mouth but wouldn't spit it out. every time i tried to get it he bit me, so i gave up. then he came up to me and stuck it out with his tongue. i shrugged. so he took it out of his mouth and held it out to me, got a sheepy little smirk and popped it back in his mouth and ran away. When that didn't get me up and chasing him, he grabbed some yarn and ran around to show me that he had it. I didn't care about the yarn. It was just scraps. He tried again, holding it out toward me and waving it in my face. I just said something like, "Oh, I see you have some yarn." He then proceeded to wrap himself up in so that it was getting all twisted and tangled. He was sure that would get me because usually I freak if he touches my yarn. It was so funny to watch him purposely trying to get me.









I think he's saying a lot more words. It sounds like he's saying "cat" and/or "that" and "what's that?" They sound like, "ta", "da" and "wassa". Maybe he's saying "dis" too but I'm not quite sure on that one.

DH and Ethan are off to the ball. They had to leave really early because dh has to do a rehearsal. He never did say anything about being hurt or sad that I wasn't going. I hope he remembers to get some pictures. I told him to and I asked Ethan to remind him.

I still can't find my phone. I'm so upset about that. I want to cry. I have insurance so I can get it replaced but I want MY phone, especially since I had just gotten a really cool case for it!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Boo on colds, lost phones! That is silly, Dylan sounds like such a ham!

Both kids are finally asleep for naps, we may try to go out once they wake up.

And yes, definitely ball pictures!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Found my phone! It was in my purse the whole time.







The worst part is that I searched my purse 3 times yesterday and didn't see it. I just decided to check one more time today and there it was. I think that dh put it in there because it looks like Dylan got in my purse and dumped everything out. I'm betting dh picked it all up along with my phone and dumped it all back in there. I never put my phone in my purse.

DH sent me a great photo of him and Ethan but I can't get it out of the text message and into anything else so I can post or share it.

Carrie ~ Do you have any ideas? When I touch the menu button or whatever it's called on the left bottom of the phone the only option I have is to set the picture as my home screen or lock screen. I tried that but I still can't do anything else with it.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Found my phone! It was in my purse the whole time.
> 
> ...


Glad you found your phone! One of my friends at work had a similar problem. If you have the text open with the picture attached, click the picture so it "opens" it. Then hit the menu button and you should get options to forward it or save it.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Thanks. That's what I was trying but it wasn't working. Someone told me how to do a screenshot so I got it that way.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Lol about Dylan! I both dread and can't wait for that stage. Ten seems to be mimicking more lately- she says mama dada and hehe (Hurley) and she also keeps asking please now, which seems to be more of catchall for help or I want that! She was climbing onto the chair today while I was in the other room and all of a sudden I hear peeees!!! Peeees! Pees! She was dangling off the edge of it! Lol. She says dis too, and something that appears to be pity/pretty. I love it!!

Got the living room absolutely deep cleaned today, dusting and everything and went through the selves etc. feels so nice!!

So glad u found your phone mw! I hate losing personal things like that!

The last couple times I've tried to go to sleep with ten on my chest, she's snuggled for a few minutes, and then pushed off of me Ino her space in the middle of the bed. Awwwww baby's growing up! Lol


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

MW - Glad you found your phone! So funny! If it makes you feel better, I have done that before. I have to call my cell phone with the home phone in order to find it. I had it inside my Ergo one time and it took me days to find it.

Someone mentioned living with family. We live with my MIL. After her divorce she would have lost her house, so we decided to rent from her.

Some days its fine, a lot of days I am just done with it. She is just way too much drama for me.

This whole family is too much drama. Lol!! She drives me crazy sometimes. BUT.....it could be worse. It really could. She does do great things like, she takes the oldest to Taekwondo, and picks him up from school if she gets off early from work. etc.

I try to look on the bright side and not let her annoying crap get to me.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

EM: I hear you on MIL drama. When we lived with mine, I was pregnant with Norah, and she seemed to think that between 3 (sometimes 4, DH was just starting to work as a massage therapist) full time working adults, one of which (her) making damn good money, that we would have to resort to eating ramen noodles and pb&j all the time bcause we were that limited on money. Everytime we went somewhere, it was like, do you have to go? Don't make a special trip! And ugh. She treats FIL badly. If they could afford to get divorced, they would (it's mostly him - he's a self employed landscaper and just can't make it completely on his own right now). Since we moved out, to live with my parents, she has mellowed out considerably, into the MIL I used to know and love - except for the drama of announcing this newest baby (she called DH irresponsible, how could he do this, and she didn't raise him that way, WTF? - among other things) - she's been much, much better.

Feel free to share your drama - should you need to vent somewhere.

Oh, on MIL drama, this weekend, when we went to drop Norah off, I went over to show FIL pics and announce the gender (hey, do you want to see pics of your new grandson?) and MIL was like, what?! I could feel her eyes on me, then when he was done looking, she's like, what is it? I said he's a boy, and showed her pics. I think that finally brought the reality home, that this is a BABY coming into the world, and she needs to get over her issues with us having 3, and and just embrace the new life. She told DH that she was surprised we didn't call her after the ultrasound. We both shrugged, while internally saying, I didn't think you cared so . . . .

OK, that's enough about her. MW: so GLAD you found you phone! I would be lost without mine. When do Sean and Ethan get back? I know the empty house must bug you.

JJ: LOL at Ten and her own space. DS is like that. He wants you there, but notlike, touching him. Hope she's feeling better and you can have a good weekend.

Carrie: how does Sandy affect your ability or timing to market your house and house hunt? I know you are wanting to move, and I was curious about that?

Annie/Lauri - hope Ava is her normal cheeky self - I love seeing her pics on FB. Her face has so much personality!

AFU: I need to work, then get stuff for cake pops and cake, and I want to hit once up on a child for dress ideas for norah for pics.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> DH sent me a great photo of him and Ethan but I can't get it out of the text message and into anything else so I can post or share it.
> Carrie ~ Do you have any ideas? When I touch the menu button or whatever it's called on the left bottom of the phone the only option I have is to set the picture as my home screen or lock screen. I tried that but I still can't do anything else with it.


If you tap and hold the picture while it's still in the thread/text stream (like don't enlarge it at all first) you should get a menu with lots of options - you can choose save to SD card or Add to My Gallery. Either of those will save it to your device. Then, go into your Gallery and share from there. 
I want to see that picture!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> The last couple times I've tried to go to sleep with ten on my chest, she's snuggled for a few minutes, and then pushed off of me Ino her space in the middle of the bed. Awwwww baby's growing up! Lol


Big girl on all accounts! I love when they show glimmers of independence like that. And I bet it's really nice to see how your parenting style and attachment is paying off big time now.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> Oh, on MIL drama, this weekend, when we went to drop Norah off, I went over to show FIL pics and announce the gender (hey, do you want to see pics of your new grandson?) and MIL was like, what?! I could feel her eyes on me, then when he was done looking, she's like, what is it? I said he's a boy, and showed her pics. I think that finally brought the reality home, that this is a BABY coming into the world, and she needs to get over her issues with us having 3, and and just embrace the new life. She told DH that she was surprised we didn't call her after the ultrasound. We both shrugged, while internally saying, I didn't think you cared so . . . .


Hah about your MILs reaction! I'm glad she is coming around. About time!

The only thing Sandy has done with regards to our house hunt is reinforce what areas we don't want to live in. Nothing near the ocean!!! And maybe something not too far away from family b/c it was (although STRESSFUL) nice to be only 15 minutes away when we lost power for over a week.

Honestly it seems like we may need more time to get our house done and on the market. Maybe we'll move next summer instead of this coming summer. Nora will probably do one more year of pre-k so that she's fully 5 almost 6 before Kindy. I'm not sure she's ready emotionally for Kindy yet (tho by fall I might feel different, leaving that option in the air I suppose) and I think 4 is just too young no matter how intelligent she is.

AFM - drank toooooo much last night and feeling it this morning! Ugh! Shouldn't do this to myself! But...DH and I had a fun night.







No more drinking for me for a couple days! Blah.

Not much planned today thank goodness. Just going to hang out, clean up, same old.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

LOL! Glad you had  fun -

And IDK; I started at age 4 (I turned 5 right before cut off), and I think holding me back would have been a disservice - I was bored alot in elementary school as it was. So much depends on the teacher - if she gets one that recognizes her abilities and is willing to adjust for them, then that can be a good thing. Other teachers won't bother, and kids end up bored, distracted, and in some cases, disruptive. You just never know what kind of teacher you will get.

We are getting out of the house! about to get ready! and of course, Norah just fell asleep.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

How do you multi-quote?? I am trying and can't get it to work. It would make things easier. lol


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> EM: I hear you on MIL drama. When we lived with mine, I was pregnant with Norah, and she seemed to think that between 3 (sometimes 4, DH was just starting to work as a massage therapist) full time working adults, one of which (her) making damn good money, that we would have to resort to eating ramen noodles and pb&j all the time bcause we were that limited on money. Everytime we went somewhere, it was like, do you have to go? Don't make a special trip! And ugh. She treats FIL badly. If they could afford to get divorced, they would (it's mostly him - he's a self employed landscaper and just can't make it completely on his own right now). Since we moved out, to live with my parents, she has mellowed out considerably, into the MIL I used to know and love - except for the drama of announcing this newest baby (she called DH irresponsible, how could he do this, and she didn't raise him that way, WTF? - among other things) - she's been much, much better.
> 
> Feel free to share your drama - should you need to vent somewhere.


My Dh and MIL are the ones who work in our home and she makes more money than he does. She RARELY buys groceries. Now, there are 4 of us and one of her, however, she eats for 4 people. I found the chips we bought in her bedroom etc. I just feel like we are being taken advantage of. I tell her this, but she doesn't listen.

The one thing that bugs me the most is when she is trying to tell me how I don't know how hard it is taking care of kids because she raised 3 boys on her own. Blah blah blah. She is the kind of person that when you have something going on, she experienced it way worse than you.

She also likes to tell me how to parent sometimes. But I shut that down quickly. I am not the one who really likes it when someone gives me un-wanted advice.

When you cook dinner, she will say something like "You should do it this way next time!" It makes you feel like what you just cooked wasn't good enough because I didn't use her cook book.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> AFM - drank toooooo much last night and feeling it this morning! Ugh! Shouldn't do this to myself! But...DH and I had a fun night.
> 
> ...


 As long as you had fun, makes the morning after feeling like poo all worth it.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> How do you multi-quote?? I am trying and can't get it to work. It would make things easier. lol


I think you hit the "multi" button on all the posts you want to quote and then hit the "quote" button on the last one.

everyone is home. i heard dh come home while d and i were still in bed. when about 30 minutes passed and he didn't come up i texted him that i knew he was home so he would come upstairs but he didn't answer.

he just had to leave to go back to work even though everyone is supposed to have the day off. idk if any of you saw the news about the people who were killed in that train crash in texas but one of them was one of dh's marines. he had gone there with his wife to be in a parade for wounded warriors. there kids are here. so dh has to coordinate notifications and make sure the kids are taken care of until the mom can get home. It's really sad and I certainly don't begrudge him having to go in to work for that.









Dylan is really fussy. I had dh give him some acetaminophen to see if that will help in case he's in pain from having a cold.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I think you hit the "multi" button on all the posts you want to quote and then hit the "quote" button on the last one.
> everyone is home. i heard dh come home while d and i were still in bed. when about 30 minutes passed and he didn't come up i texted him that i knew he was home so he would come upstairs but he didn't answer.
> ...


Oh how horrible!!! I didn't hear about the train crash. My thoughts are with their family!!

Hope Dylan feels better soon. How old is Dylan?


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Dylan is 15 months.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

The train accident is a horrific story. I cannot even begin to imagine how terrifying that must have been for those poor veterans stuck on the trailer bed. :-( It's just absolutely ... mind numbing. Is the marine your DH knows who was killed the one who pushed his wife off the float?

So sad. So, so sad.

I feel fine now. Just had to work the rest of that crap out of my system! We had soup for lunch, I pounded some water, took a nice long hot shower while Finn napped, and I feel right as rain. Totally worth having a fun night. LOL!

DH and I actually slept in the same bed in the same room for the first time in over a year last night. I couldn't believe it. He actually didn't snore. Finn slept b/w us. Now that he STTN it isn't as big of a deal b/c I don't have to keep waking up, shifting, switching sides, etc. Maybe we can try again tonight. We shall see!

Finn is a climbing machine!! After he figured out how to climb into the baby walker (which we don't even use anymore, it was stored and he wanted it out) he kept climbing in and out for like an hour. Then he climbed onto the couch while I was out of the room, and took all the gel clings off the window (and probably ate some, geesh).

Oh - he is 15 months old today. Wow. Saying it sounds so OLD!

I think you all saw this pic on FB but I'll post it for EM. Love this pic of him. His little grin cheers me up all the time!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Oh MW, that sounds horrible  I hadn't heard about it either.

Another diaper contest!!

AMp Diaper giveaway!!

I'm one of the admins of a new local cloth diaper group. We're having our first "meeting" this weekend, to celebrate making it to 100 members. It should be exciting!

Writing up a "letter" to Tenley's caregivers for when I go back to work. I'm on my 4th page!! lol I'll post it once I'm "done", so you guys can help me trouble shoot it. I'm also starting to mentally make a list of the things we're going to want to leave over there on a regular basis and things we're going to need to buy.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> I think you all saw this pic on FB but I'll post it for EM. Love this pic of him. His little grin cheers me up all the time!


Oh!!! What a cutie!!!!!! Eddie gives me that same grin and it makes me so happy!!!

I have a FB myself, but I figured it may be weird to add everyone when you just met me a few days ago. lol!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Writing up a "letter" to Tenley's caregivers for when I go back to work. I'm on my 4th page!! lol I'll post it once I'm "done", so you guys can help me trouble shoot it. I'm also starting to mentally make a list of the things we're going to want to leave over there on a regular basis and things we're going to need to buy.


So who is going to watch her?

I bet you could write a novel and it still won't feel done. Post when ready!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Oh!!! What a cutie!!!!!! Eddie gives me that same grin and it makes me so happy!!!
> 
> I have a FB myself, but I figured it may be weird to add everyone when you just met me a few days ago. lol!


:-D Thanks!!

Nah, you're one of us now. LOL. If you want, pm me your name and I'll friend you.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Writing up a "letter" to Tenley's caregivers for when I go back to work. I'm on my 4th page!! lol I'll post it once I'm "done", so you guys can help me trouble shoot it. I'm also starting to mentally make a list of the things we're going to want to leave over there on a regular basis and things we're going to need to buy.


I am sure its a bit nerve wrecking for you. I would probably write a novel. lol!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I don't know if that's the same Marine. I haven't seen the story. I only know what dh told me. I don't understand how something like that can even happen.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

The trailer was on its way to the event and crossed over tracks when there wasn't enough room for it to fully pass thru. While it was on the tracks, the signal came down. There was no where for the truck to go. :-(

That's why you really should never cross tracks when there isn't enough room on the other side. Wait. This whole thing could have been avoided if that driver had just waited. It's completely senseless.

Finn has been asleep since 12. It's already 230. I love when he takes good long naps. Makes up for the days Nora wakes him up after only an hour.

I need to find ways to keep her quiet when he's asleep. We usually do a project, color, watch a movie, or something. I have to stay on top of her the whole time and even then, she will make noise on purpose to wake him up. The other day she was trying to color, and she was bouncing around in her seat. I mentioned to her she should use the bathroom so she would be more comfortable (she always holds it until she's about to burst). She got annoyed with me and said, "Quit bugging me! I'll pee when I'm ready! If you bug me again I'll wake Finn!" All mad. So. She knows it's my hot button!!!

It's the one thing that really burns me up more than anything and I always have trouble with yelling when she does it. Sigh.

She'll stomp her feet loudy by his door, or yell...sigh.

One day I'll look back and laugh about this, right? Or wish my biggest problem was when she used to wake him from naps? LOL.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> The other day she was trying to color, and she was bouncing around in her seat. I mentioned to her she should use the bathroom so she would be more comfortable (she always holds it until she's about to burst). She got annoyed with me and said, "Quit bugging me! I'll pee when I'm ready! If you bug me again I'll wake Finn!"...
> 
> One day I'll look back and laugh about this, right? Or wish my biggest problem was when she used to wake him from naps? LOL.


I'm laughing now. That is pretty funny!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

MIL: "I can tell Eddie is eating more table foods because you're not as big around the chest anymore!" Me: "He only eats table food about once a day and still nurses a ton during the day!" MIL: *SILENCE*


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

OMG! So out of line!! Ha! I swear you can't make this stuff up.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

ugh! does she think he shouldn't be nursing?


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I KNOW!!!!!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> ugh! does she think he shouldn't be nursing?


She thinks he shouldn't be nursing past a year. He is not even a year yet, but I will nurse until he weans.

She makes stupid remarks like this every now and then. She is the same person who said TIME magazine Mom is fake nursing because he breast are way too small to actually produce milk. AHHHHHH!! She nursed her youngest son for 1 year but weaned him right after. If they can ask for it, then they shouldn't be nursing, she says. OYE!!!!!!!!!!


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

I'm still apparently not going to be able to keep up here to talk to everyone, I'm friends with a couple of you on facebook, if anyone else would like to find me please send me a message. 

I am however still hoping to at least stop in semi-regularly, this is twice since summer that's progress!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Hey, lyeterae. As much as you can is fine.

Ugh, EM. I've never had to deal with silliness like that with family or friends. I can't imagine how annoying it must be.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I'm so behind! This day has been...ugh. Just hard. Ava is in a bad mood unless she's doing something marginally unacceptable like walking up and down our outside stairs unassisted. This child is testing my limits! She only wants stuff I don't want her to have, especially my cell phone. If she breaks it, I'm SOL. She has like five real, but old, cell phones plus the itouch that she can play with. Nope. Wants my blackberry. I'll try to catch up with everything at work on Sunday.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Oh MW, meant to ask. Was last night the first night you and Ethan have been apart? How did that go overall?


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

So busy today! I'd thought I'd stayed mostly caught up, but apparently not!

Ok, just staying on track.

Carrie- She'll be staying mostly with my sister in law Ash, who was two little girls (4 in Dec and 8). It's kind of a weird setup. My other SIL (with 4 kids, two in school full time) is a SAHM, as is Ash. Their little ones all go to the same montessori and dance classes, so Ash serves as "home base" and Allyson spends her days driving the kids around. So at any time Ash will have no kids in the house, or just Marcus, my 18mo nephew, (he stays at the house while his mom drives the others), or just Leni the 4yo, or might have marcus, leni, Liv (4.5), OR Leni and Ava (the 8yo) LOL It's a constantly changing house! It'll be nice for her to spend some more time with her cousins. And Ash is pretty into natural foods and healthy eating, and understands not CIO. She's a bit, well a lot, new agey... so she -gets- it when I talk about babies being people, and picking up on our energy, and the difference in "not for Tenley" vs NO, etc etc. I think it'll be a good fit. She's also on my way to work, and partly on DH's way to work.

Only problem is she's talked for months about how she'd be happy ot help us out, and watch Ten, and just recently has started kind of 'hinting' that she doesn't want it to be more than maybe 3days a week. So we're going to start out and see what kind of shifts I'm working, and go from there. But she'll be the main caregiver, supplemented by Rob's mom and younger sister, who live like 3 blocks from us.

Phew! Tired just thinking about it!!

Rob is a bit pissed because when I talked to work, she let me know that I'll probably have to work one weekend a month midnights. She said she'll try not to schedule me when possible, but that I do have to have the availability for it. Blah. I don't want it, but I also understand fairness and union, and I've been on the other end of it. So... whatever, I'll put in my dues, and hope in the meantime that they don't schedule me for them very often. And if we -do- find that it's an issue, obviously I'll tell them, and if it means I quit, then I guess I quit. But I want to give it a shot at least.

Lauri-- Those days are SO hard! *hugs* Why is it that they have this innate sense of what is 'real' and what is an imitation?

Carrie-- you will! When they're teenagers, and sleeping in until 1pm, you'll laugh that they joked about waking each other up! lol You'll WISH they'd wake each other up!

Ugh. I haven't had to deal with any stupid questions about the nursing, or cosleeping, or solids or cloth diapers or anything, not from friends/family. I anticipate that when she hits a year though, and the nursing isn't weaning, people will start wondering. My one SIL nursed to about 15 months, but that beat the next record in the family by about 10 months... so, since I can't even see Tenley being nightweaned at 15 months, should be funny!!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Oh MW, meant to ask. Was last night the first night you and Ethan have been apart? How did that go overall?


No, he's spent the night without me before. Once when he was about 2.5 I went to my sister's overnight and he stayed with dh. He was fine and he was still nursing. He's also spent the night at a friend's house a couple of times for slumber parties. He had a lot of fun. Kellen and Ethan both have also stayed overnight with my mom while dh and I had a minivacation.

DH said when they went to bed Ethan initially said he didn't think he could sleep without me but dh talked him into trying. But when dh kind of woke up and rolled over at around 6 am the next morning Ethan was right there in his face looking at him and asked, "Are you awake?" This from the kid who is still asleep here at home. He sleeps until at least 10 am every morning. Just a little anxious to get home?


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I've been thinking I need a vacation these past 2 days. When are we thinking of going to myrtle beach again?









I need a break from DH too. He's constantly around. He hasn't travelled in a very long time....Since the beginning of september, I think? It's just the two of us and we are fine, but starting to irk each other. (With both of us home all the time, we nitpick each other, and it's so frustrating!) I try to get myself and the kids out of the house most days, but that's work in and of itself, so it happens maybe 2-4 times a week.

Last night he started picking on me about the laundry. I generally get it clean and into bins and USUALLY put away. But you know, life is life and if I don't get to putting it away so be it. I don't really care. He was like, "I want all the clothes put away, just wash it and I'LL PUT IT AWAY." Ok buddy, you just earned yourself a new job then. But I know what's going to happen. He won't do it. It'll be the same shit different day.

But at least it'll be his own fault.

I can't wait to see him sitting matching socks for an hour. When does he think he'll have time to do all this? After he gets home at 630 pm? While we're eating dinner? Hmmm...

And on weekends DH wakes up with a fire under his butt for "family time family time" when we've HAD family time all week. I wish he'd take the kids, give me the car, and say go read at starbucks for 3 hours, I got this. I don't know. Sigh. Mama's feeling burnt out.

Sleep is a miracle tho! May patience (and sex drive! I knew it was hiding in there somewhere) are back! Finn slept 11 (straight) hours 2 nights ago, and slept from 9 from 330 with 2 second wakeup (I needed to just give him a snuggle) at 330, and then we slept in til 8.

Yesterday he skipped nap completely tho and then crashed at 430 pm. I thought we were screwed but he went to bed right on time at 9 so...

Anyway. Must find coffee. Also must work out today!!! Had chinese and wine and chocolate this weekend and I NEED to lose some of this freaking weight!! Ugh!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I've been thinking I need a vacation these past 2 days. When are we thinking of going to myrtle beach again?


I've been wondering this, too. I wasn't clear on whether we wanted to go in the spring or wait until next fall. I also wasn't sure if you all wanted to see about timeshares or if you wanted to rent a big house or something.

Let him figure out the laundry. Do exactly what he said, just wash it and leave it for him. Don't ask or nag or tease him if he doesn't get it done. If he does get it done, thank him for it.

I get all gung ho about family time on the weekends but I recently realized that what I really wanted was for dh to spend time with the kids so I could get some alone time. He's never here even when he's supposed to be off work. He just left to go into the office again because he has to prepare some briefs before the Thanksgiving holiday. He was supposed to have a long weekend this weekend because his ball was on Thursday but he's had to go into the office every day. I told him that I guess I wouldn't do any cleaning today. He asked why not and I said I wouldn't do it if he's never going to be here to help me (in a fun teasing way).









Oh, and I got him yesterday, too. We were all sitting in the family room and I was getting hungry but Dylan would not leave me alone for a minute. He refused to sit with dh. So, I said to dh, "You want to make us some bacon and eggs, don't you?" He kind of looked at me funny. I said, "I know that's what you were thinking but you were afraid to bring it up." He said, "You read my mind." I said, "Yes, I've realized that's what you expect me to do so, from now on, I'll just tell you what you are thinking."









I have to make two pies for his unit's Thanksgiving meal for all the Marines and Sailors who live in the barracks and can't get home for the holiday. I'm going to make one plain ol' sweet potato pie and one caramel pecan pumpkin pie. Yum! DH is going to make cranberry sauce and dinner rolls. I'm hoping that the boys and I can help serve the meal. That's on Tuesday evening.

My dad is coming the same day for our Thanksgiving dinner. We're going to have 6 adults because Ryan and his girlfriend will be here and Ryan invited his friend, Devan. He has spent Thanksgiving with us almost every year since we've lived here. He says we're like his real family because he's family is so awful. We're going to have a hug turkey! I love roasted turkey!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I need a vacation too! I'm thinking late April/early May. I'd prefer to do a timeshare just from the convenience factor. I think that most of those resorts have at least one pool but I don't know that we can all fit in a unit, right? I'm counting five families, right?

Baby_Cakes, 11 straight hours? That's crazy talk. Like I can't even imagine it, crazy talk! I'm seeing glimmers of Ava getting better at falling back asleep after she stirs from a sleep cycle. Last night, she went to sleep at 7:45 PM. She usually stirs and needs a bottle about 90 mins after going down and then every couple of hours after that. Last night, she stirred a couple times before I went to bed at 11 PM but I didn't have to intervene. She would cry out once, roll over and fall back asleep. I didn't have to give her a bottle until about Midnight. Of course, she stirred and needed milk 3 more times after that but progress, right? She's down to only taking about 4-6 oz overnight. She's drinking more during the day again though. So I guess it evens out.

MW, that's so funny about you telling DH what he's thinking. Since that appears to be what he's expecting, why not? Hahaha! Those pies sound yummy. I'm bringing garlic green beans and apple pie to my mom's for Thanksgiving but the apple pie is just going to be a frozen one.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> I need a vacation too! I'm thinking late April/early May. I'd prefer to do a timeshare just from the convenience factor. I think that most of those resorts have at least one pool but I don't know that we can all fit in a unit, right? I'm counting five families, right?


I think we have me, you, Carrie, Kat and JJ. Can we get a roll call of how many from each family? 5 for me, 4 for Carrie, 3+ for you, 5 for Kat and 3 for JJ. That's at least 20 people! We would have to get at least 2 places. I think some of them do sleep up to 10 but not all of those are private rooms.

I remember why I wasn't sure about the spring. Kat will have just had her baby and may not want to travel. Also, I think if we get into late April/early May it may cost more since that's getting into the vacation season.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Carrie--- I'm so glad you're getting more sleep and feeling more like yourself in regards to patience and drive. I can't -wait- for those days. Tenley is sleeping better lately. Not great, but better. But I'm worried that's going to change once I go back to work. Just so many unknowns.

We will be very much only maybes for the trip now. With me going back to work, and us still working on renos... it's going to be a very fine balance of money/time off required. I want to come, but I also know DH is likely to be very hesitant, and I totally see how point now.

Ok, so tough talk, that I was hoping to never have. Going back to work on the 26th. I have been and will continue trying to pump. but lately, I can't get anything when I pump. I'm going to try some nursing tea, and oatmeal etc etc, but right now I'm just trying to accept that I might not be able to leave milk for her. So I know this has come up before, but at 1 year (just barely) what would you guys give as a milk alternative? Formula seems weird, but she seems so young for cows milk. And then obviously there's soy, rice, almond, coconut milks. I'll most likely be gone around 5-8 hours. I know from talking to people, there's a lot of babies that just won't take anything during that time, they'll just eat solids, but if she wants/needs something (especially in a sippy right before nap), then I'm so torn what to offer her.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Ryan weaned at just over a year, sometime during his 13th month. I didn't give him anything special, just a regular diet which included cow's milk at the time. I don't really know what's recommended now. I don't expect my kids to drink any milk anymore once they wean but 1 year is a little early for that. Some people give their babies goat's milk, I think. The only other milk I would consider is coconut milk because they others aren't natural. However, coconut milk can't supply the same nutrients in the same amounts as animal milk so I don't think it's worth it as a nutritional supplement.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *onetwoten* 


> Ok, so tough talk, that I was hoping to never have. Going back to work on the 26th. I have been and will continue trying to pump. but lately, I can't get anything when I pump. I'm going to try some nursing tea, and oatmeal etc etc, but right now I'm just trying to accept that I might not be able to leave milk for her. So I know this has come up before, but at 1 year (just barely) what would you guys give as a milk alternative? Formula seems weird, but she seems so young for cows milk. And then obviously there's soy, rice, almond, coconut milks. I'll most likely be gone around 5-8 hours. I know from talking to people, there's a lot of babies that just won't take anything during that time, they'll just eat solids, but if she wants/needs something (especially in a sippy right before nap), then I'm so torn what to offer her.


I would probably try to troubleshoot the pumping problem before looking for milk alternatives. I know that some women say they don't respond to the pump but I seriously just don't understand how that's possible. It's sucking on your boobs. If there's milk there, it's gotta come out, right? Even if the horns are the wrong size? I'm not trying to be hurtful, I just really don't understand. So if you have experimented with different horn sizes and you do compression and massage while pumping and still aren't getting a letdown, then I would watch videos to learn how to hand express. Even if you could leave 3-4 oz for her, that would be great. I'd probably be inclined to give goat's milk before cow's milk or formula.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Ok, so tough talk, that I was hoping to never have. Going back to work on the 26th. I have been and will continue trying to pump. but lately, I can't get anything when I pump. I'm going to try some nursing tea, and oatmeal etc etc, but right now I'm just trying to accept that I might not be able to leave milk for her. So I know this has come up before, but at 1 year (just barely) what would you guys give as a milk alternative? Formula seems weird, but she seems so young for cows milk. And then obviously there's soy, rice, almond, coconut milks. I'll most likely be gone around 5-8 hours. I know from talking to people, there's a lot of babies that just won't take anything during that time, they'll just eat solids, but if she wants/needs something (especially in a sippy right before nap), then I'm so torn what to offer her.


Do you have a hospital grade pump?!!?? Do you know a nursing Mom who could pump for you?!!

I personally would be fine to give cows milk at a year old. What is the age recommendation for cows milk? Its been 10 years ago since the oldest started milk and I forgot. lol


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

I know some women just won't let down for the pump, since the mechanism is so different from the baby's jaw/tongue. I --have-- let down for a pump before though, I used to be ok pumping when she was little, so I think right now it's mostly my body not being used to it, and supply. I have enough for her. But my body (as it should) produces just enough for her, and since she never goes long without nursing, I haven't found any time when there's actually excess to pump out. So I pump for 10 minutes and get literally just a couple drops. I had one pumping session the other day that felt like I was actually getting a good letdown and should be a nice amount of milk... and then I looked down and there was like 1/3 of an oz. I was like ohhh. Well that's a confidence killer! lol.

I've never been able to hand express more than a few drops either. You know how women talk about how the baby popped off, and they sprayed across the room? Stuff of myths to me! lol Even when I had a really good supply when she was little, I've never had my milk letdown like that.

That said, I mean I definitely haven't given up either. I'm going to try a couple of the supplements, upping my water intake, oatmeal, all those things. I'm also going to change out a couple of the fittings in my pump and see if maybe they're just worn. I know I did let down for this pump before though, so I'm trying to stay positive that I can again... I'm just realizing that it's not going to happen in time for me going back to work next week. So in the meantime, I need something to get her through. I guess I'm more looking for something to offer as a 'comfort' item, rather than nutritional, like MW was tlaking about. I'm expecting that she'll pick up her nursing even more while I'm home, plus she'll be eating solids while I'm gone. It's just more something to offer for comfort to help her go to sleep, etc. I don't know if that makes sense?

I'll have to look into goats milk availability here.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Do you have a hospital grade pump?!!?? Do you know a nursing Mom who could pump for you?!!
> 
> I personally would be fine to give cows milk at a year old. What is the age recommendation for cows milk? Its been 10 years ago since the oldest started milk and I forgot. lol


I don't, I've just got a manual avent. I used to have an electric pump but I wouldn't let down for it either, so I sold it. If I don't notice a difference with working on supply, then I might look at borrowing a different electric pump.

The current recommendations are a year (I think it's around 10 months that 'they say' they develop the ability to properly digest the proteins. I don't think milk at all though, other than chocolate milk once a month or something, so I mean I'm not -anxious- for her to start cows milk. It still -feels- a bit early, even though that's not based on research or anything, just mama's feelings. Most formula fed infants though, transition to cows milk at or by 1 year. But I mean... their guts have gone through totally different experiences, as obviously you guys know!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I'd keep using the pump, then. Maybe things will pick up after a while. I am one of those women who's milk sprayed everywhere. I still couldn't get more than a few drops when I tried to hand express.

For comfort, I don't know that it would matter what's in her cup/bottle. IDK...I always thought the comfort part comes from sucking and being close/held not from what is being ingested.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

How is she with a sippy cup? Is she even going to bother with it? I say don't stress about it, send water and solids, and keep trying the pump.

When I weaned off the pump when I was working, N was around 13-14 months, and down to just 1 4 oz bottle a day for an 8 hour day. So I switched that 4 oz of breastmilk to 4 oz of plain fortified soymilk. At that point she was also having soymilk in her cereal in the morning, and I was ok with it going into her straw sippy cup as well, so it didn't feel weird or like a "replacement" at all. It was just, like you said, something to put in the bottle so she would relax and go down for her nap.

It's hard tho to look at your pump and see nothing come out! I've been there and it's scary! Is there any way you could somehow ... idk.... "skip" a nursing on one side, like block feed for a bit, and then pump the side you haven't nursed on? Is she a one boob at a time nurser or does she always nurse on both sides?


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I've nver had any problem pumping . . . so I can't offer much help there. Norah stopped getting the bulk of her calories through breastmilk early, like around 9-10? months - since my supply was pretty much gone, even though she was still nursing some,and getting some. I really think as long she's got plenty of solids and water on offer while you are gone, she'll be fine, and you may react differently to the pump once you have a good space of time to build up some milk - like when you are away working. Manual vs electric - will you be able to get what want as quickly with a manual? for me, its the time factor as much as the effectiveness that made me choose electric over manual, plus not having to think while pumping.

With Gabe, I stopped aroudn 11 months - pumping - he still had a 4 oz bottle while I was gone, and whatever solids he wanted, and just nursed when I was at home.

Dug through his newbie clothes, and discovered I have more that will work for this baby than I thought; March weather is fickle, so its hard to know what exactly the weather will be like when he's fresh born. Need to really go through and see how many sleepers/outfits/onesies/shirts etc I have. I'll need 3-6 month and 0-3 warm weather clothes I think.

Got Christmas pictures done! hooray! Norah was cranky and didn't wantt o smile or cooperate, Gabe did ok.

Looking forward to the short work week.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

ARGHHHH! Totally unrelated and pathetic venting:

So we didn't have a shower for Tenley. People barely acknolwedged her birth. We didn't get any big show of excitement, or anything. I got TWO flower arrangements, and one gift outside of that. Less than half a dozen cards. It was just such a non-event. It made me sad. I'm ALLOWED to be sad about that. I've talked to DH about this over and over and said that I wanted to do a big party for her first birthday. Yes, we'll be the one throwing it and paying for it-- but at least it'll give us a chance to invite people that we don't see all the time, and have a nice big party to celebrate her.

So first we didn't have room in the house. Got it. So we decided to have it outside the home. Then that was too expensive/ not Tenley enough/ too much "flash" etc etc. So we decided if we were going to spend that much money then we'd just finish the basement and have it at home anyways, since with the basement, there would be so much more room.

Sat down to try to do a little bit of planning tonight, and was told by DH that he still doesn't think there's enough room, and that he doesn't want anyone outside of immediate family there, because we already can't fit the people we have. So none of my aunts whom I'm close to, my cousin and her two little girls who we spend tons of time with, his cousin and wife and their son, who we see at all our playdates, etc. We can't invite people like that ONE couple who brought her a gift after her birth (and no, they weren't a relative!) And I KNOW that these people don't all need to be there, and she won't notice the difference, etc etc.

Yeah ok... so I had to go soothe Tenley in the middle of that and now I'm all out of steam. I'm just so frustrated and disappointed. I don't see if as asking too much to throw a big party with all these people who love her. But I know he doesn't think he's being unreasonable asking for it to be small. We're at a standstill. Except we have to make a decision soon, because there's less than two weeks now. blah. I'm just... angry I guess. It doesn't seem fair that -again- we won't get that nice big celebration for her.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> I'd keep using the pump, then. Maybe things will pick up after a while. I am one of those women who's milk sprayed everywhere. I still couldn't get more than a few drops when I tried to hand express.
> For comfort, I don't know that it would matter what's in her cup/bottle. IDK...I always thought the comfort part comes from sucking and being close/held not from what is being ingested.


Oh I agree, I mean I think it will be a comfort thing with being held and the sucking, I just think she's going to be going through so many changes, that trying to mimic what she's used to as closely as possible seems like it might help.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> How is she with a sippy cup? Is she even going to bother with it? I say don't stress about it, send water and solids, and keep trying the pump.
> 
> ...


She'll take a sippy, she's only had water in it though.

I only do one side when she nurses, but even so, right now, it takes easily 5 hours + between nursing before I even feel the slightest bit full on that side. So I'm sure at work I'll be able to get a little bit during those longer shifts, I'm just not sure how much.

With the manual, I used to be able to sit down for 15-20 minutes and get 3oz or so. So I mean not huge, but that's enough that I'd feel comfortable leaving with her for a day for comfort sucking at naps, etc. I'd feel good getting back to that. I'm just still crossing my fingers that I -can-.

Sooooo ok. Tomorrow I'm going to make soft chewy oatmeal cookies, and put some brewers yeast in them. I'm going to drink 80oz of water. I'm going to make arrangements to pick up that damn nursing tea I ordered. lol. What else? Oh, I'm going to switch the stupid parts on my pump and see if it makes a difference.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I would pump every time you nurse her. I don't feel full when I pump and milk still come out. The only time I feel full is if I do the 11:30 PM-7 AM stretch w/out pumping in the middle.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

And that's just shitty about the party. I say go big. You guys survived the first year. Celebrate!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> And that's just shitty about the party. I say go big. You guys survived the first year. Celebrate!


ITA!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

ditto. also, we asked people to bring food and drinks instead of gifts, major help defraying the cost. go big!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> And that's just shitty about the party. I say go big. You guys survived the first year. Celebrate!










Well said!!

That is such a downer! Ugh I'd be upset. I throw big parties. I like celebrating. I like the idea of having ppl bring food instead of presents.

Enjoy your cookies! They will help. I advise you to eat the whole batch to ensure you have plenty of milk when you need to pump.









bbl - i have a shadow the size of a 4 year old who won't let me type!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

JJ- I would be so upset as well. We always throw big BBQ's and people bring a dish, it helps with the cost. Sometimes we don't have enough space but we make it work.

HUGS!!! i hope it all works out.

About pumping. I have that crazy let down you talked about in your earlier post, but had 2 oz in an hour when I pumped to go to a concert. I was so upset. I had to pump a lot just to get 4 oz.

I did end up with about 8oz which was enough for the 4 hours I wasn't home. But still. I understand your frustration!!

I think my DH may have talked to his MIL. She has been acting so nice all the sudden. SHE FOLDED MY LAUNDRY!!!!!!!! She NEVER does that.

Its either my DH talked to her, or she is scared we're leaving her because we're fed up with her mouth and her laziness. If we leave her, she will lose her house. She can't afford this house on her own.

I don't know. Whatever the reason, I'll take it. If this means one less load of laundry to fold, go for it!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL!!!!!!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

LOL, I am glad that she's helping!

FIL I guess really lit into MIL re: her attitude about baby #3; so she's been at least trying to act better. I think also, her sister has lost contact with 3 of her great grandchildren due to much less drama than what she did (well, it could be considered more or less. MIL's sister's husband "popped" the nearly 3 year old gr greatgrandkid bc all other discplinary methods had failed. If he had done it to Gabe, I'd be livid. In this case, it's a child that never gets discplined by grandma any sort of way, even though I am sure grandma does "pop" the nearly 2 year old. So I don't think it's the corporal punishment that bothered her, but the fact that he chose to this to her favorite), and I think it's made her realize she's lucky that we haven't done so (and would be justified in doing it) - At any rate. I told DH I am going to talk about the baby, I don't give a (insert expletive of choice) - she has to get used to the idea. I frankly am tired of secrets and drama and all the other crap that is constantly going on with her side of the family.

Carrie; my shadow is gone to musik class with DH - hooray! - and the baby is napping! woohoo. I need to buckle down and work. and eat something . . .


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> LOL, I am glad that she's helping!
> 
> FIL I guess really lit into MIL re: her attitude about baby #3; so she's been at least trying to act better. I think also, her sister has lost contact with 3 of her great grandchildren due to much less drama than what she did (well, it could be considered more or less. MIL's sister's husband "popped" the nearly 3 year old gr greatgrandkid bc all other discplinary methods had failed. If he had done it to Gabe, I'd be livid. In this case, it's a child that never gets discplined by grandma any sort of way, even though I am sure grandma does "pop" the nearly 2 year old. So I don't think it's the corporal punishment that bothered her, but the fact that he chose to this to her favorite), and I think it's made her realize she's lucky that we haven't done so (and would be justified in doing it) - At any rate. I told DH I am going to talk about the baby, I don't give a (insert expletive of choice) - she has to get used to the idea. I frankly am tired of secrets and drama and all the other crap that is constantly going on with her side of the family.


Glad MIL is at least trying to act better!!!

Family drama is the worst!!!! We're dealing with some of ours on the husband side (always) of the family between brothers. Oye. It would take a long post to explain this situation.

All I know is. I am just going to stay out of it. My lips are sealed. If it doesn't concern me or my boys, I will not participate

My SIL threatened my oldest son once that she was going to spank him, I went off on her. I don't handle situations like that in a classy way. My BIL & SIL (Husband's middle brother) and I get into a ton of arguments about that. They think, their house so they get to discipline! BS! My kids, you lay a hand on my child you are messing with the wrong mother. My husband was raised around spanking and swatting or whatever ya wanna call it, was spanked as a child. He has threatened our son with spankings before, he has spanked one time in 10 years and I went off on him. He hasn't done it again. He doesn't believe in it, but because he was raised with spankings its very easy for him to threaten to spank.

I was raised around spankings too, my biological father spanked me, but my Dad (Step) never laid a hand on me, EVER. My Mom spanked me.

I just don't like it. Teaching a child not to bite, by biting them is so ass backwards. Makes no sense to me.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I was raised with spankings, as was DH. And honestly, it's something we've tried when at our wits end with DS (doesn't so well in actuality, but the threats work, funnily enough) I don't agree with it, and need to work on more techniques. My issue was, even if you DO spank, I would think that you would a) want it used as a last resort and b) want measure of control over who is doing it. My parents spanked me, but never would have allowed any of the various caregivers we had permission to do so.

Yes, I try to stay out of family drama - I like to be a neutral party, esp when it's DH"s family. But some things! OMG.

I have a headache - waited too long to eat this morning I think.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> I was raised with spankings, as was DH. And honestly, it's something we've tried when at our wits end with DS (doesn't so well in actuality, but the threats work, funnily enough) I don't agree with it, and need to work on more techniques. My issue was, even if you DO spank, I would think that you would a) want it used as a last resort and b) want measure of control over who is doing it. My parents spanked me, but never would have allowed any of the various caregivers we had permission to do so.
> 
> ...


I have threatened and done it myself too when the oldest was really pushing every button possible and those are not my proudest mommy moments. But, it makes me feel so horrible in the end. I just don't do it anymore. I feel horrible even admitting this.

Eat something, and maybe a nap if you can squeeze one in. Feel better mama!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I have eaten, might need to eat more. nap isn't going to happen. I need to work. and kids aren't going to cooperate enough for work and nap to happen. I will push through.

And yes, not my proudest mommy moments. I really don't my kids to fear me. But I do want them to pay attention to what I have to say, and sometimes fear is a boon. (not of me, but of the consequences of not listening - like cars coming, smashed fingers, etc. Those things, they should have a healthy fear of)


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

I never hit. If I feel my hand going up I hit myself. I've done that a handful of times, and it always startles me how much it hurts! I can't imagine striking a child with that force.

But I do yell and I Hate myself for it! Every day I try to Not Yell. I had a bad episode of yelling this weekend and today I feel much more at peace and calm and am handling things with much more grace.

I hate that my kids have a mom who yells. Trying to be better every day!!

Family drama is everywhere. Since cutting myself off from my family my life is free of it but I can't say that's the best choice for everyone! LOL! Now I just have annoying friend drama.

Chris is going to run to the food store for thx giving stuff so I don't have to go with the kids! yay! I just have to finish the shopping list!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I never hit. If I feel my hand going up I hit myself. I've done that a handful of times, and it always startles me how much it hurts! I can't imagine striking a child with that force.
> 
> ...


I'm a yeller too.  Trust me I feel bad I have ever laid a hand on my oldest son. It makes me want to cry. I feel so guilty!!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I haven't ever hit Norah, so that's something, and hope never to (or Gabe again).

Yelling. I do it, but generally feel in some circumstances (actual danger) it's warranted. I try to do it rarely, but when your kid(s) is/are daredevils it's hard to avoid this. Gabe has been doing really good today - very sweet with Norah, and her fussing is her own fault (getting herself stuck in situations she can't get out of) I need him to be like this all the time! life is much more pleasant.

Went through drivethrough to get change and caffeine and the people didn't give me a straw! grrrr. not in my hand or in the bag. oh well. Bought 2 used covers for the squish - Thirsties! - for $10, and she threw in some prefolds and fitteds for free. some are girly, and most are stained, but I don't have an major issues with either. (and the stains, etc are on the free stuff, not the covers) I care about function. I want some cute things too, but especially as many diapers as newborns go through, function comes first.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

I have never spanked Eddie and never will either. But, he is 10 months old. I read about a woman who spanked her baby and it made me cry so bad. UGH!!

On to a different subject.

I need some thirsties for Eddie. His poop is still very explosive.

I sold some baby gear that we don't use anymore today. Going to take the oldest to see Breaking Dawn 2 (don't hate LOLOL) and have a Mother and Son date on Sunday. 

My sister's fiance and my Dad are flying us to The Netherlands in Sept 2013!!! I am just so moved and this sweet gesture of my awesome family!!! My sister is getting married and I am her brides maid, she wants me there. There was jut no way we could afford $5.000 to fly us four out there and then have money for extra's etc. So, this is our christmas gift from my Dad and my soon to be BIL and I am so EXCITED!!! I want to go now!!!!!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Yeah, I understand how people can in the heat of the moment be stupid and let out a swat. (That doesn't mean I'm ok with it, or think it's a good thing, but I understand mistakes) I don't get how it becomes the first thing you do and are ok with. That's just sad.

Glad family all over seems to be calming down a bit! We're really fairly lucky here. We have "drama" but it's more roll your eyes type stuff, than worth stressing out about.

YAY for new fluff!! I'm starting to get a diaper buying urge again. Like maybe trying some other fun printed diapers. But I really don't need any. And I looked at a bunch at our meeting on the weekend, and I haven't seen any that I like the quality/fit of as much as the AMPs. Maybe BG, but that's it. But I want more exciting prints than that. I might buy some off etsy once I'm back at work and making more money again.

Babywearing meeting tomorrow. I'm borrowing a shorty for a bit. I'm excited to try it out. I've never used a woven, just my moby and the boba wrap, but that was months and months ago, and ten was so fussy that she never let me try anything out really. She's a lot more patient with getting into the carrier now though. It looks like the wrap is long enough for a ruck, so I want to try that.

I am -so- bummed about the party, but don't know how to convince DH that it'll be worth it. It's not even the money-- he just thinks people will be too crowded. And I mean it will be-- but... I think people will understand. We'll have the main floor, which is probably 500sq ft of space people can occupy (not counting our room and the bathroom, you know... lol) and then about another 400sq feet in the basement. No there's not a lot to do, but I figured we'd set up a Wii and have a mariocart tourny or something. I dunno. I haven't given up yet, I'm gonna keep working on him.

Made 4 dozen cookies. I think I shall eat two dozen today. lol. They're pretty good so far, but I didn't put much brewers yeast in them. The actual lactation cookie recipe i used before, I could barely stomach them. So I figure I'll just slowly up the amount of brewers yeast and then a bit of flax too.

Switched the pump parts this morning, though there's one piece I'd like to switch out that I don't have an extra. boo erms. Anyways, I pumped while nursing her and actually got a good letdown. Got about 1.5oz, maybe 10 minutes? Feeling hopeful. I'm going to continue downing water and eating cookies, and will pump a bit more tonight after she goes to bed. If I can get 3oz, that's enough to freeze for one day.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

That sounds like an amazing gift, EM!

I finished my pies. I wish I could be certain they are cooked.







I just don't know. I've never made either one before. Maybe I should have had a practice run with them.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

LOL That sums up my cooking! I'm sure they'll be delicious though!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

JJ, honestly, as long as they have floor space to sit on or a couch or chair, I'd go for it. No need for entertainment. Ava's first birthday was scheduled to last 2 hrs. People arrived, talked for few minutes. Served food, everyone ate. Played the 12 min video that we created of pics of her first year. Did 1st birthday cake stuff. Served cake. Let Ava open her presents while everyone oohed and aahed. 2 hrs done. Everyone left. Easy peasy.

Myrtle Beach trip: I think if we stick to a time after Easter but before the middle of May when schools start letting out for the summer, I think we can still get good rates. If I recall correctly, akind1 was ok traveling to MB that soon after the new baby. I'm ok waiting until Sept/Oct again but I don't want to go that long w/out seeing everyone again! For the count for my family, don't count the big kids and honestly, it will most likely be just me and Ava. I've had to accept that if it's not work or big kid related, DH is just not going to make the time. It sucks but I don't want to plan stuff and be disappointed anymore. He bailed on the Williamsburg trip (big kid issues notwithstanding...he could have come down Sun night after taking them to their mom) and then a month later, he bailed on a weekend trip to my sister's. So whatevs. I'm not going to not take Ava on trips because he won't make the time for whatever reason. I have no problem traveling alone with Ava.

Ava had such a good afternoon at her new sitter! I'm so happy! We saw them at the library this morning so that was really helpful. She had time to just play and interact with the mom and the little boy w/out the thought of me leaving looming over her. So when we went over this afternoon, we talked on the way over about how she was just going to wave "bye-bye" to Mama and no tears. She went in, started playing and eating her snack and when I said goodbye, she just waved bye! No tears!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

See that's what I think, but he's still worried people will feel cramped. I'm trying to figure out the logistics of maybe making it staggered times-- like start at say 1pm and finish around dinner.... But encourage some people to come closer to 1 and some people to come closer to around 3 or so. That way there's a good chance only 3/4 of the people would e there for the middle of it anyways. I dunno, still
Figuring out the logistics, but that gets s closer to the separate parties that dh wants, while still getting me my big celebration.

For food, were probably doing nachos-- and that's super easy for us to just have them kind of constantly out-- so that way there is a big push for ppl to be there at the right time for food.

Anyways I'm typin on my phone and none of this was Ben the point--- Btwn the pumpin earlier, and pumping tonight- I got almost 4.5 oz, in not even that long of a time. And I even got a really good letdown tonight! I'm wondering if part of the seal on the pump was iffy, since its too early for the oatmeal to be Doung anything. Ether way, ill take it!!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

JJ: Hooray on the more milk! and have the party, you can word it as a "drop in" sort of thing if you want - that's common here in the South.

MB: It's not a very long road trip, so I think we'll be fine traveling pretty soon after the baby. I would *like* the water to be warm enough to get in. Need to keep an eye out for groupon/living social/google offers for deals in that area. It will be all of us, and the sooner I know the time the better we can plan. That said - I really like the idea of September better (water will definitely be warm enough) and baby will be older and more fun. But we are cool either way.

Gabe is 3! Can't believe it. He's becoming such a little man. Now, if I can just get him potty trained . . .

No big plans for today, We still have leftover cake from his party saturday, so there really is no need for more. He was such a tiny, wiry baby! Now he's a big wiry toddler/preschooler. 3 is a weird borderline age.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Is it too cold there now to do it outdoors? I would have been screwed if we couldn't have had our parties outside.









That said, if ppl are cramped, at least they'll be there for a bit and then leave. Standing room only is fun! Cocktails and mocktails, and nachos and beer? Perfect 1 year old party IMO!

Hooray on the pumping!! Keep it up!

Changing the membranes on my pump ALWAYS made it work much better!!

Its been like almost a month now of sleeping thru the night and I'm still in disbelief. I can't believe this is it. I can't believe the sleepless nights (i mean, barring teething, barring illness, etc) are done. I think we are done having/planning kids so ...that's it? Anticlimactic a bit.

Why is it once the baby starts sleeping and the weight comes off all of a sudden another seems like a good idea? Chris and I are constantly bickering, I can barely handle my 4 year old, my house is forever a mess, we can't seem to ever get on the same page (chris and I) regarding discipline -- so why do I still want another!? LOL!

Taking N to school, hitting Target, and then heading down to visit my friend M and her newborn (the mama i was concerned about during Sandy). I can't wait to squish the new squish!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Carrie: I can't say why - other than hormones and insanity. I KNOW we are done with 3. DH talks about maybe adopting when the kids are older . . . IDK. I am content I think with what we have biologically. (I am not anti-adoption. Just don't know if I want to do it)

I think I am finally past my bitterness at Gabe's c-section. I don't get sad or mournful looking at the birth photos. just nostalgic for the squish that was. If anything, I am just bummed that my homebirth/waterbirth is off the table as a result. Oh well.

My doula is pregnant (they were TTA LOL) with her 3rd  due end of July. big surprise, but she seems to be coming to terms with it ok. She'll be just over 1/2 way done at my birth, so not so far along I need to find another. I'm really happy for her.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

JJ ~ How many people are you talking about? I think your dh is being a bit ridiculous. I think you should invite anyone that you and Tenley are close to.

So, we are down to 5 for me, 2 for Annie, 4 for Carrie and possibly 5 for Kat and 3 for JJ? I'll look into the timeshares and see what I can find. If we get two places that sleep up to 10 we should have enough room. That probably means 3 bedrooms and a fold out sofa in each unit.

I was really hoping to get a shower before going to this dinner tonight but I'm losing hope. Dylan still hasn't napped and we need to be ready to leave at 5.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> Why is it once the baby starts sleeping and the weight comes off all of a sudden another seems like a good idea?


Honestly, I think that means you may not be done. I knew immediately after I had both Ethan and Kellen that I wanted another. Immediately after having Dylan I knew I was done. That feeling has not changed. I do get a little sad when I think that I will never be pregnant again because I truly love it and that my dh will never get to experience a home birth (with me, at least). But, none of that makes me want to have another baby.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> JJ ~ How many people are you talking about? I think your dh is being a bit ridiculous. I think you should invite anyone that you and Tenley are close to.
> So, we are down to 5 for me, 2 for Annie, 4 for Carrie and possibly 5 for Kat and 3 for JJ? I'll look into the timeshares and see what I can find. If we get two places that sleep up to 10 we should have enough room. That probably means 3 bedrooms and a fold out sofa in each unit.
> I was really hoping to get a shower before going to this dinner tonight but I'm losing hope. Dylan still hasn't napped and we need to be ready to leave at 5.


yayyy vacation! 
I can go either time of year. Spring or fall!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Honestly, I think that means you may not be done. I knew immediately after I had both Ethan and Kellen that I wanted another. Immediately after having Dylan I knew I was done. That feeling has not changed. I do get a little sad when I think that I will never be pregnant again because I truly love it and that my dh will never get to experience a home birth (with me, at least). But, none of that makes me want to have another baby.


I wonder tho if just b/c I don't feel done, if I choose not to have another, if I'll regret that choice. Idk. I think about where I am now and wonder how can I not have another? How can I not experience this again?

OTOH, I think about being done, and enjoying these kids and really getting out there and starting to travel and give them experiences. It's tempting!!

I'm young. I have time. No need to make any decisions just yet.

Chris and I need to get out more together. We argued a bit (againnnn) last night and realized we both only see each other stressed out at the end of our respective long days.

I feel like my friends know me better than he does. All he sees is me complaining, being grumpy about cleaning, kinda depressed about day to day stuff. My friends think I'm the biggest ray of sunshine and so happy in my life. I think I'm happy. I don't feel depressed. I also feel like you tend to lean on your spouse and maybe show your negativity more b/c you know they'll love you/support you. But, when he accused me of being "unhappy" I was like wtf? I have the best time with these kids! I'm so thrilled with them, I love our life. I love how things are, I'm HAPPY.

We looked at each other and realized...we don't get out much, do we?

So I think we will try our first non-family babysitter this weekend. Gulp! Wish us luck!

Got newborn squishes today! Baby J is so freaking cute. I love Asian babies. If I do ever adopt (b/c I would still love to) I think I would look into adopting from an Asian country. <3

(At the same time, no urge to have another. Before having Finn I would really ache for another. Holding these newborns lately it is SO NICE to just give them back over to mama and go play with my big kids.)


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I wonder tho if just b/c I don't feel done, if I choose not to have another, if I'll regret that choice. Idk. I think about where I am now and wonder how can I not have another? How can I not experience this again?
> OTOH, I think about being done, and enjoying these kids and really getting out there and starting to travel and give them experiences. It's tempting!!
> I'm young. I have time. No need to make any decisions just yet.


That's something only you can answer for yourself. I would think that if you make the decision not to have any more kids for your own valid reasons and not because you are trying to appease someone else, you shouldn't regret it. Your decision on your terms = no regrets. And, yeah, you guys are both young so you could decide no more kids now but 5+ years from decide to do it all over again. I've heard of some people who consciously decide to have two sets of kids several years apart.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Carrie - be careful - is all I am saying - I was in that place of contentment before becoming pregnant with #3. (I wanted a 3rd, really, just not in that moment - but a couple years down the road . . . and well, yeah.. It happens)

And YES! get out more together, just the two of you. Even if it's just lunch and shopping. He needs to see your happy side.

MW: you can't shower with Dylan awake? I can't shower with Norah asleep; it wakes her up and she wants in n the fun.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Oh yes we are being very careful. The last cycle we just weren't sure if the condom, ahem, failed, which is why I was like waiting on pins and needles. I'm actually able to temp this cycle so hopefully this is the start of a very long FAM TTA season! LOL!

Anyways, I have a lot to do today! Baking a pie, brownies, etc. Hoping I don't need to run to the store last minute. I think I have everything I need already...

I'm looking for a smallish tv for my room and scouring the black friday ads that came yesterday. Chris says for Christmas he'll put it in and set up the roku and everything! I've wanted a TV in the bedroom forEVERRR.

Annoyed b/c I seem to have regained the same 4-5 lbs I lost. I keep fluctuating! It seems even if I am meticulous with counting points, I hover b/w 136 and 140. When Nora was around this age I was like 135 solid, and so freaking in shape! Ugh this time around its much harder.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Are all of you planning a trip to meet up with each other? That is so cool. 

Carrie - I have a small tv in the house I would give to you, but you're kind of far away hahaha!!
Getting out more often will certainly help. We have no outside of family babysitter yet. We do have twice a week where we sit down, watch a movie, or our favorite show and reconnect.

I only have one dish to make since we're having thanksgiving at my BIL's house. I am kind of not looking forward to it because him and his wife are so uptight, but i'll make the best out of it with my men. 

Katrina - Your avatar is so cute. 

JJ- Glad you're getting more milk!!!!!!!! Here's to much much much more!!

I have to pump for Sunday. The oldest son and I are having a mother and son date. Going to see a movie with him. 

Ok ladies, tv was mentioned in here and I have a question.
Do you allow your child/ren to have a tv in their bedroom? I made the mistake (I feel like) of the oldest having one in his room and I don't like it.
We set it to one hour a day, but now, he leaves it on when he leaves his room. I told him to turn it off when he leaves his bedroom to go to other stuff, but still leaves it on.
Do you think its a natural consequence to tell him, look, if you do not turn it off when you go do something else in other parts of the house, tv is out?

I really want it out anyways. But, I feel by taking it away abruptly its kind of mean of me since I allowed it in his room. Neighbors gave it to us.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> AnnieA:
> 
> Ava had such a good afternoon at her new sitter! I'm so happy! We saw them at the library this morning so that was really helpful. She had time to just play and interact with the mom and the little boy w/out the thought of me leaving looming over her. So when we went over this afternoon, we talked on the way over about how she was just going to wave "bye-bye" to Mama and no tears. She went in, started playing and eating her snack and when I said goodbye, she just waved bye! No tears!


Awwww!! It always makes it so much easier when they feel comfortable enough to say bye to Mama without any tears.

My heart breaks when I see kids cry when their Mama leaves to go to work etc.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Ava had such a good afternoon at her new sitter! I'm so happy! We saw them at the library this morning so that was really helpful. She had time to just play and interact with the mom and the little boy w/out the thought of me leaving looming over her. So when we went over this afternoon, we talked on the way over about how she was just going to wave "bye-bye" to Mama and no tears. She went in, started playing and eating her snack and when I said goodbye, she just waved bye! No tears!


That's HUGE!! Yayyy!

EM - forgot to quote but yes! I think we're all going to try to meet up again. We recently met up (3 of us and our kids) in Williamsburg for a long weekend. It was so fun! We've all been chatting together online for so long, it was about time we met up!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Awwww!! It always makes it so much easier when they feel comfortable enough to say bye to Mama without any tears.
> 
> My heart breaks when I see kids cry when their Mama leaves to go to work etc.


Nora goes back and forth with clingy-ness with school drop off. Some days she skips in and doesn't miss a beat. Other times there are tears. Transitions are so hard - I just try my best to make her feel attached and secure, and let her know I miss her when she is gone too. Knowing she loves school, her teacher, her friends, helps. B/c I know it isn't school she isn't happy with, it's leaving me. Right now she's in a super clingy I Need Mommy stage and while it's hard for me, I think she just needs extra cuddles and love from me right now.

Aside - she's in an I Don't Love Daddy stage. Please tell me this ends. Please. I'm kind of getting worn thin lately b/c she doesn't want him to help with anything. Bedtime even, and things were going so well with that for awhile...

Re: TV in the kids rooms - I think once it is in their room it is their "property". But, I suppose... I suppose you can always suggest it gets turned off, and enforce that rule by reminding him.... But if limits and whatnot aren't working, maybe talk with him and come up with an agreement on what the rules are for the TV. Maybe 3 more times and it gets unplugged for a bit, or moved to another part of the house. He's 9? I think that's old enough to understand 3 more times and it's gone.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

EM ~ That isn't a natural consequence. A natural consequence might be something like him leaving the TV all the time until it burns out and doesn't work anymore. It might be considered a logical consequence but logical to whom? Your logic may not make sense to him and then he may not get the point. What's your reasoning behind wanting him to turn it off when he leaves the room? Is it because that's what you were told to do as a child and you are just following suit? Or is it because your concerned about conserving energy and/or saving money on your electric bill? Is the noise disturbing others?

I should probably qualify my answer by disclosing that we are radical unschoolers, in case you know anything about that. Our kids have almost completely free access to TV as with everything else in our lives. So, I wouldn't have limited the TV watching to any amount of time to begin with. I would continue to remind my child, in a nice and helpful way, to turn off the TV when he leaves a room.

My husband does the same thing, by the way. It drives me crazy because he puts the TV on ESPN and then leaves the house and leaves it on with me in the room nursing my baby and the remote on the other side of the room so I'm stuck listening to it. I absolutely hate watching or listening to any sports!









Kat ~ Dylan hates the shower so I can't take a shower with him and he cries if I try to take one without him. I can take a shower in the hall bathroom while he's sleeping in my room.

JJ ~







for more milk.

Annie ~ I'm so glad you've found a good babysitter for Ava and she seems happy with her.

My dad is here. My house is a mess. I told him I thought about cleaning for him.







He told me I might as well just wait until he leaves now and then I can clean up after him. He's so funny. He's also decided that I have earned the distinction of having an even messier house than him. Hehe

Kellen is asking for my computer so he can play some games.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

MW - I think I am just tired of the noise. I don't mind any other cartoons, but Spongebob drives me batty AND I was always told to turn it off when I was a child and I still have that voice in the back of my head.

I think that I need to just chill out. Lol I don't want to be nagging him all the time. If he forgets, he is human just like me, I forget things all the time too.

I don't think I will put a time limit on tv watching. Its almost impossible to do that here anyways. Everyone loves tv.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> MW - I think I am just tired of the noise. I don't mind any other cartoons, but Spongebob drives me batty AND I was always told to turn it off when I was a child and I still have that voice in the back of my head.
> 
> ...


We are a huge TV family too. It's always on. I went to a friends house and her son asked to watch TV. She said he had to clean up all his toys first and he could pick one show. It sounds so lovely, but it's so not practical for how we live!!! I personally love my shows too much. If DH said I had to do dishes first and then I could pick one show, I'd be upset. I don't know. I think it's ok to self regulate some things, but if you as a parents see damage being done, to gently intervene. For example if the child refuses to do anything but watch tv, won't play outside, is lethargic, gaining weight, withdrawing from friends - maybe it's time to step in. You know?

My pie smells SO GOOD. OMG.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

TV: it's always on in our house, tuned to a kids channel until they are in bed, or if they are both napping, I'll change it to grown up stuff for a bit. It's not that they never watch grown up tv (they do when we are up with my parents, or at ILs), but I feel better that if it's goingto be on all the time, it should be kid centered.

TV in kids' rooms, I'm against it. I don't like tv in bedrooms, bedrooms are for sleeping and TV is just not good for sleep (sorry Carrie!) BUT sometimes I kind of wish we had one in the bedroom so it could be on as background noise while we are doing other things . . ahem . . .or so we could kill two birds wth one stone, so to speak, in the comfort of the bedroom vs the living room.

I had a TV in my room in high school . . I only used it for watching music videos, LOL, while doing homework. TV was always a family activity growing up, and I like that.

As for too much tv . . . Gabe has learned alot from it, numbers, games, colors, and shapes. Norah likes the music and dancing. They rarely just sit and stare at it - only when tired and winding down for the day or for nap.

I am excited about meeting people! IRL! woohoo!

Carrie: I hope your pie is as delicious as it smells!

MW: funny how different kids are.


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## lyterae (Jul 10, 2005)

Mw: I would love to hear more about how you school. We are currently homeschooling, but I'm finding that my current path isn't working for us.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

TV: Oooh that's a big issue for me. My big kids, mostly because of other stuff in their world that I am unable to affect, are almost incapable of self-regulating. On anything. So they will sit and watch TV to the point that everyone is stabby and they are snapping at each other and sometimes physically hitting or kicking each other but they can't figure out that the TV is putting them in a bad mood so they should go do something else. So I have to intervene and ask that the TV be turned off and they find other activities. I don't like having the TV on in the background all the time because it gives me a headache. When Ava was in the hospital all those weeks, I had DH bring my little radio/ipod dock so I could listen to NPR during the day. I hate hate hate having the TV on just to have it on. If no one is watching it, I want it turned off. I usually turn the TV on in the morning for Ava to watch while I pump and then maybe again later on in the day if she asks for it. Otherwise, we we listen to music or NPR. When the big kids are home, they usually reach their limit after about 2 hrs and I make them turn it off and go do something else. There have been days where the TV doesn't get turned on until 5 PM or later because we don't start with it on and no one thinks to turn it on because they are doing other stuff.

My goal was to go to the grocery store this morning but Ava was super crabby so we never made it out of the house. She's teething so bad again! I have no clue what teeth are coming in now but she's drooling and she's bit her hand so hard in a couple of spots that she broke the skin! She has a runny nose too. She's just a mess.

Did I tell you guys about how she's been saying this word that kind of sounds like "damn" but I couldn't figure out what she was saying? Well I think I figured it out. Today, while we were driving to my mom's house, she was playing with her water cup and she pointed to it and said "agua". I confirmed that yes, she had agua in her cup and she smiled. So I emailed my goddaughter's mom to tell her that she said something in spanish and then it occurred to me that maybe that other word was something in spanish too. So I asked M if there was a word in spanish that sounded like "daum" or "daumme". And she wrote back and said yes, Ava was asking me to give her something. Good grief! She's been saying it for two weeks and I had no clue what she wanted. Dame = give me.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Did I tell you guys about how she's been saying this word that kind of sounds like "damn" but I couldn't figure out what she was saying? Well I think I figured it out. Today, while we were driving to my mom's house, she was playing with her water cup and she pointed to it and said "agua". I confirmed that yes, she had agua in her cup and she smiled. So I emailed my goddaughter's mom to tell her that she said something in spanish and then it occurred to me that maybe that other word was something in spanish too. So I asked M if there was a word in spanish that sounded like "daum" or "daumme". And she wrote back and said yes, Ava was asking me to give her something. Good grief! She's been saying it for two weeks and I had no clue what she wanted. Dame = give me.


This made me LOL! She is TOO SMART!! Oh she's precious. Just absolutely precious!!

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

I need some coffee!! Then to get started on some more cooking and cleaning and packing up to go to my ILs for dinner. So looking fwd to good food and good WINE!!!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Too funny lauri!! I LoVE how much personality Ava has!!

I've been trying to get onto the computer for the last two days and its not happening so I'm attempting a phone post.

Tv-- I've seen it become a huge issue in families I've babysat for, where the kids didn't know how to function without a screen in front of them, so that makes me very hesitant and careful about it. I try not to ever have it on in tr background, both for that and for power reasons. But I do have music playing almost constantly. And I mean Tenley DOES watch tv almost every day, I just try to limit it to times whe. I need a break, and turning it off as soon as I'm ready to be present again. I don't watcha. Ton of tv myself either, other than times like right now where I've been trying to watch the entire greys anatomy from season 1 to present!!

Going back to work Monday. Scared, nervous, excited. It's suuuucccch a long time! I'm going to be away from her for like 9.5 hours!!!! I know she'll be in great hands but it makes me want to cry. Ill work mon- wed 7-330, and then be off until the next Monday. And then well see what the next week brings.

She's been such a mess with sleep lately (major verbal leaps we can see, and she's sick to boot). I realllly am not looking forward to being more tired!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

I didn't get updates and have gotten behind again.

I get kind of confused by the idea of children never being able to self-regulate comes up. Self-regulation is exactly that. It's about yourself and what you want or need not what someone else thinks you should want or need or do. It's impossible for one person to say another person never self-regulates, unless I guess they continue to do one thing to the exclusion of all other things ever until they die prematurely. Of course, if a person is never given the chance to determine his own limits because someone else is always enforcing external limits on him, he won't look like he can self-regulate. Someone who has been controlled by others most of the time will usually go through a period of gluttony with whatever they are interested in for a while.

Lots of times interests are very single-minded. I think it's ok to be into just one or only a few things at any given time. I went through a period as a teenager when I only read Stephen King novels. Now I'm in a knitting phase. I get very antsy and bored if I'm not knitting. I can't just sit and talk to watch TV or movie. I have to be knitting, too.

Food is a good example. Self-regulation to my husband means eating very specific portions of only certain types of foods. He's self-regulating his diet by choosing to follow a paleo diet. Not me! I want to eat what tastes good to me, whenever and as much as I want. I do stop eating when I'm full or if I start to feel bad. Or I may eat certain foods because I do feel bad even though I may really want something else. Like this morning I had wanted to eat a piece of pie for breakfast but my stomach felt a little queasy so I had some toast first instead.

My kids watch TV and/or play video or computer games when there is nothing else to do. Like I said before, they have almost completely unfettered access to TV. Most of the time if something else is happening, friends want to play outside, they will walk away from the TV to do that instead. Ryan loves playing video games and he plays them a lot in his free time. However, he will go out and do other things with his friends. When he was younger, he almost always would choose skateboarding with friends over video games.

The other day Ryan got a new video game that Ethan had been wanting. Ethan got up the next morning and declared that he was going to take a break from playing with friends to play the video game instead. I said that was fine. He played for a bit and told his friends he was busy the first time they came by to play. The 2nd time, however, he decided to go outside and play and turned the game off.

Annie ~ Ava kills me! I think Dylan finally signed either "eat" or "drink" yesterday. I couldn't figure out what he wanted, though.

He slept with dh on the couch last night. He's been so restless the past 3 or 4 nights after sleeping really well. I don't know what the problem is. I thought maybe it was because he was pooping in his diaper in the middle of the night but he didn't have poop last night. He just wouldn't settle and stop squirming, fussing and nursing. Finally, around 3 am I asked dh to take because I couldn't do it anymore. He came downstairs with Dylan and stayed there until without me until almost 10 am. Dylan didn't really sleep then, either, though. DH said he slept in 2-3 hour increments and would only sleep on top of him but he didn't really cry or fuss. He was just squirmy. I don't think DH got much sleep.

JJ ~ I hope going back to work goes as smoothly as possible. I'd be anxious, too, but things will work themselves out.

Thanksgiving dinner was amazing! DH is still cleaning up from up. He cooked it all, too. He won't let me do anything. The older boys are all still sleeping. I'm waiting for my sister and her husband to show up. They are coming to visit again since my dad is here.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Lauri-- what kind of pump do you use again? My output has dropped to almost nothing again







but I'm thinking about trying something heavier duty. A girl in my ap group is selling a pump in style, so I'm looking up info about that, but I figured of anyone I know you have the most pump knowledge!!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I use a Medela Pump In Style Advanced. I'm not sure what the difference is between the PIS and PISA. I've never seen a PIS. But if you can find an electric one used, I say go for it. Sorry your output is down. That feeling SUCKS. Between Ava teething and AF being here right now, I only have about 18 oz in the freezer. I'm trying not to panic.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Thanks, it turns out she has the advanced too. It sounds like it might be worth it. Any ideas what to pay? She told me to make an offer, it was $350 new, she bought it used for $175, and her and one other mama have used it since. I dont want to lowball her, OR pay too much!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I wouldn't pay more than $50 USD for it. Make sure you change the valves and if you don't buy new tubing, then I would trim about 1/4 inch off the ends so they fit snug on the machine again.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Wish me luck on the pumping. I have to pump today for tomorrow. I have a mother/son date with my oldest son to go to the movies.

I think I only need a few ounces. We're only going to be gone for about 4 hours.

I have a First Years pump and it works ok. I don't pump enough to want a heavy duty one. I would only pay $50.00 too.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *lyterae*
> 
> Mw: I would love to hear more about how you school. We are currently homeschooling, but I'm finding that my current path isn't working for us.


Here are some links to read through. There is a lot there so don't try to read it all at once.

http://sandradodd.com/unschooling

http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/

http://learninghappens.wordpress.com/

Basically, we just live life with the understanding that learning happens all the time. We aren't doing a lot of activities or outings or trips right now because I have a baby that's not STTN yet so I'm tired a lot of the time. Mostly, my kids play. They play with each other. They play with their friends. They play alone, inside and outside. They play video and computer games and watch TV and movies and YouTube. I include them in cooking and cleaning and shopping and discussions and whatever else is going on in my life. I help them as much as possible. I try to answer all their questions. I let them follow their own interests. We don't do lessons or have scheduled activities of my choosing.

They both did Tae Kwon Do for a while. Ethan has played basketball and baseball and taken dance classes. We've gone to storytime and the Lego club at the library. We go to the park almost every week with other local homeschooling families. We go bowling with the homeschool group once or twice a month.

The simplest way that I can explain unschooling is that it's providing my kids with the most safe, gentle, happy, loving, kind, fun and interesting life that I can.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> I wouldn't pay more than $50 USD for it. Make sure you change the valves and if you don't buy new tubing, then I would trim about 1/4 inch off the ends so they fit snug on the machine again.


Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> Wish me luck on the pumping. I have to pump today for tomorrow. I have a mother/son date with my oldest son to go to the movies.
> 
> ...


Thanks ladies. Where do I buy the replacement tubing and stuff? I looked on the medela website, but I don't see anywhere that lists them.

Why $50? Just because of how much it's been used? The average for ones on kijiji here seem to be around $150 for ones that are used. Or about $275 for new or almost new. I was thinking around $100, which is what she said she'd be comfortable with. But obviously I don't want to overpay for something either!

EM-- how did the pumping, and the night out go?? Exciting!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

JJ I found some on Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Replacement-Tubing-Medela-Advanced-Breast/dp/B0033B9CZ2

membranes and such are easier to find. I think $100 is fine, but I might lowball $75 at first and see if she'll bite. Replacement parts aren't cheap either and you're what, the 3rd owner? The motors DO go on those things. I wouldn't want to spend what I could for new and then have it die. Especially since you'll be pumping what, at least 2 times a day while at work?

You seriously rock for pumping now though. With a 1 year old I probably wouldn't.







I stopped pumping at work when N was 13 months old. I was SO DONE WITH IT!!

AFUs - we hired a sitter for the first time ever today. I'm slightly nervous! Trust her, trust the kids, but yeah, totally a little nervous. We are going out for Thai food and then going to do some christmas shopping. Should only be gone a few hours, but am SO looking fwd to some time with just Chris! We haven't been out by ourselves since last March.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Thanks ladies. Where do I buy the replacement tubing and stuff? I looked on the medela website, but I don't see anywhere that lists them.
> 
> Why $50? Just because of how much it's been used? The average for ones on kijiji here seem to be around $150 for ones that are used. Or about $275 for new or almost new. I was thinking around $100, which is what she said she'd be comfortable with. But obviously I don't want to overpay for something either!


I agree w/Baby_Cakes. You'll be the third owner and the motors don't last forever. I've killed two already. This last one I bought, I only paid $50 for it and it had only been used about 25 times. You can buy replacement membranes at Target or BRU here in the US but not sure about Canada. It's harder to buy replacement tubing from Medela because they don't want people sharing pumps but whatevs.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> I get kind of confused by the idea of children never being able to self-regulate comes up. Self-regulation is exactly that. It's about yourself and what you want or need not what someone else thinks you should want or need or do. It's impossible for one person to say another person never self-regulates, unless I guess they continue to do one thing to the exclusion of all other things ever until they die prematurely. Of course, if a person is never given the chance to determine his own limits because someone else is always enforcing external limits on him, he won't look like he can self-regulate. Someone who has been controlled by others most of the time will usually go through a period of gluttony with whatever they are interested in for a while.


It's akin to dealing with someone that has addiction issues or an addictive personality. They have very little ability to self-regulate. 1 of my older 4 is actually pretty good about self-regulating and not inflicting self-harm. She eats when she's hungry, not when she's bored, tired, angry, sad, etc. She goes to bed when she's tired. She goes to her room when she needs quiet time. She's pretty in tune with her body. My other ones, not so much. One child is obese. Yet continues to make poor food choices. Two are chronically tired to the point of severe bruises under their eyes but will insist, even as they are having trouble stringing sentences together or their eyes are half closed, that they are not tired and do not need to go to bed. People with addictive personalities engage in behavior even if it makes them feel bad while they are doing it or directly after doing it. It's very difficult for them to break the addiction cycle. Those are the types of things that I refer to when I say that some of my kids have trouble self-regulating.

Your kids have always been taught to listen to their bodies and they work from a place of abundance rather than scarcity so they have a very good handle on self-regulating. Probably even better than a lot of adults.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes* 


> AFUs - we hired a sitter for the first time ever today. I'm slightly nervous! Trust her, trust the kids, but yeah, totally a little nervous. We are going out for Thai food and then going to do some christmas shopping. Should only be gone a few hours, but am SO looking fwd to some time with just Chris! We haven't been out by ourselves since last March.


That sounds SOOOO amazing! I hope you guys had fun!

Ya'll, if Ava doesn't get these teeth soon that she's working on, I'm going to go broke buying the cheap wine from Whole Foods! They are driving her bonkers, she doesn't want to eat, just drink milk. And I can't even tell what teeth she's getting! I'm guessing the sharp pointy ones? At least she's sleeping ok at night but during the day, OMG. The whining, the whining!


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Lauri did a better job explaining regulation than I ever would have managed. Some people have no problem with it, kids included, but I've definitely seen people who do, to their own detriment.

The date night sounds great!!

Ohhh lauri! I hope they pop through soon for you! It sucks when you can't see progress.

Sooo on the bus, day one. I'm a wreck!! Wish me lots of calming vibes! I'm nervous about everything!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Medela PISA is what I use/used. I'm it's second owner. You can also sterilize your tubing, even in the microwave steam bags. I do this on occasion. I paid just over $100 for mine 3 years ago, and it is still going strong, though I never used it daily, at most 2-3 times a week. Being that you'd be the 3rd, or 4th? owner, I'd not pay more than $75, especially since you'll want new parts. Also, for ease of everything, it's helpful to have as many sets of parts as you will pump during the day, that way you don't have to waste time rinsing and washing between uses. I only pumped twice a day, so had 2 sets of parts. (well, really, I have more than that, but I alwasy keep 2 clean). Pumping at work for me is strange I enjoy the extra solitary time away from my desk, (because I don't really technically pump on my breaks . . . as long as my work gets done, no one seems to mind this), but at the same time, that extra time away from my desk (and PUMPING) gets on my nerves.

Good weekend, My sister drove me crazy. She kept trying to tell Gabe and Norah what to do, (or what NOT to do) and either DH or I were right there! I mean, wouldn't you check with me first to see if you should be telling them no? Especially since every thing she was telling them not to do, they are allowed to, granted with supervision. In Norah's case, climb, and in Gabe's case, play with his remote control helicopter. seriously pissed. me. off. she is never babysitting. ever. And i get the vibe she is a little resentful of my pregnancy, because she isn't yet, depite not being on birth control for a year. (but they aren't TTC. They are leaving it up to God. Doesn't know how long her cycles are or when, or if, she's ovulating) She's only 23, but her husband is 34. Personally, I don't think she should be too bothered by the fact she's not pregnant, since she doesn't want to be for another year (needs to get 2 years teaching to get her certification) and for pete's sake, she's not even really trying.

rant over. MIL apologized to DH for the stupid stuff she said, and is compensating by giving us money to christmas shop for the kids. We are fine with that 

Carrie - I'm so glad you were able to get out and have fun sans kids - and that everything went well. Do that more often!

Lauri - whining! ugh. sorrry  I hope they break soon, poor baby.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

akind1, that kind of stuff would make me angry too. My big kids try to micromanage Ava sometimes but I know why they try to do it so I just try to redirect. When an adult is doing it, ugh. Silliness. Thinking of you today JJ! Hope it goes by fast! OMG, you guys. DH tried to help with the diapers while I was at work last night. But he didn't ask me beforehand. So he dried some dipes in the dryer that had only been rinsed. YUCK! I soaked them all night in a full washer with a bit of water softener. I hope they aren't ruined!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> EM-- how did the pumping, and the night out go?? Exciting!


I got 3 oz when I first started one one side. I had Eddie nurse on the other, this helps with letdown.

I got a total of 9 oz in about 2 hours. That was enough for the time I was gone.

When I got home Eddie had drank all of the milk I pumped.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> You seriously rock for pumping now though. With a 1 year old I probably wouldn't.
> 
> ...


What do you give the one year old if you won't pump? Just curious.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Good weekend, My sister drove me crazy. She kept trying to tell Gabe and Norah what to do, (or what NOT to do) and either DH or I were right there! I mean, wouldn't you check with me first to see if you should be telling them no? Especially since every thing she was telling them not to do, they are allowed to, granted with supervision. In Norah's case, climb, and in Gabe's case, play with his remote control helicopter. seriously pissed. me. off. she is never babysitting. ever. And i get the vibe she is a little resentful of my pregnancy, because she isn't yet, depite not being on birth control for a year. (but they aren't TTC. They are leaving it up to God. Doesn't know how long her cycles are or when, or if, she's ovulating) She's only 23, but her husband is 34. Personally, I don't think she should be too bothered by the fact she's not pregnant, since she doesn't want to be for another year (needs to get 2 years teaching to get her certification) and for pete's sake, she's not even really trying.
> 
> rant over. MIL apologized to DH for the stupid stuff she said, and is compensating by giving us money to christmas shop for the kids. We are fine with that


I get so annoyed when people discipline my kids when I am right there. I have gotten into verbal altercations with my SIL & BIL for this.

Talking about my SIL. So, she is a compulsive liar (I think that is the word) and has this weird obsession with my kids and my husband. She is my DH's brothers wife.

She lies about everything. She told my parents that her and my DH had a thing together before me, but it didn't work out. Never happened. My DH doesn't even remember her much way back when. She keeps calling my oldest "son!" She has pictures of my oldest son, all over, and Mike (DH), but none of me, and she has none of the youngest yet, but she will.

She one minute is so nice, the next she is so strange. I can't put my finger on her. SO much has happened with her, I can't possebily write it all down. But one example is, she lies about my oldest a lot. One time camping my niece (their only child and its from BIL past one night stand) and my oldest were doing dishes, they couldn't find a towel and asked SIL where one was, she told them to just use paper towels (me and my MIL heard her say this) and my BIL comes i the camper and asked them why they are using paper towels, they told him SIL told them to use PT and she tlls BIL that this is not true that she never told them to use paper towels. She lied about my kid. I was LIVID!!!

Then another time when my DH took the oldest camping and BIL & SIL were there too. DH had to get some wood and oldest stayed behind with SIL and she told my DH that my oldest tried to hit her!! Also not true, my niece was with him and this never happened.

She tells me stories about how she and Jordan Knight from the New kids on the block and her had a thing and wrote a song together that was on his album. So, out of curiosity I googled the song. HE didn't even write that song, and she as heck didn't either.

She is a grown woman (33) and is making up stories about everyone and everything!

I have talked to her, I have gone off on her, she lives in her own world. She tells stories that don't add up. She is sick in her head!

I still have to see her on gatherings and tried to be friendly with her, and be her SIL, but I don't think I can anymore!

She wants to take me for a massage for my birthday, and where I would like a massage, I am just so hesitant to hang out with her alone. I think I am going to pass.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> akind1, that kind of stuff would make me angry too. My big kids try to micromanage Ava sometimes but I know why they try to do it so I just try to redirect. When an adult is doing it, ugh. Silliness. Thinking of you today JJ! Hope it goes by fast! OMG, you guys. DH tried to help with the diapers while I was at work last night. But he didn't ask me beforehand. So he dried some dipes in the dryer that had only been rinsed. YUCK! I soaked them all night in a full washer with a bit of water softener. I hope they aren't ruined!


Ugh. A good strip should do it! I don't think they'll be ruined. When we had the hurricane and lost power, I had dipes soaking.







I was trying to get them clean before power went out. Well, i let them sit in gross poop water for about 2 days, then hand rinsed them all. I had figured wet was better than dry but the ammonia smell was AWFUL and I didn't want it to eat thru the PUL. I'm talking like a whole load of dipes - $200 worth at least! They air dried b/c we didn't get power back for 5 more days. I stripped them and now they are good as they were! So. If they can survive that I THINK yours will be ok!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> What do you give the one year old if you won't pump? Just curious.


I was working p/t, and Nora was down to 1 4 oz bottle during the day for her nap. We are vegan so I switched that 4 oz of breastmilk for fortified soy milk (since we don't use any animal milks). But I know plenty of moms who use either cow, goat, or even coconut or almond milk for during the day.

Finn sometimes gets a sippy with some soymilk or almond milk. He LOVES almond milk!!

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> She wants to take me for a massage for my birthday, and where I would like a massage, I am just so hesitant to hang out with her alone. I think I am going to pass.


What a loon! I would politely decline. Who needs to hang around with that nonsense! She's not even just embellishing, she's making crap up for craps sake.

AFM - we busted out all the holiday stuff! Hoping to get the tree set up in the stand and maybe lights on it today. We'll see! It's so much work!

Molar #3 is cutting thru and Finn has a nasty cold so it's been rough here. Lauri - hugs on the whining! We are having our fair share of that here as well.

Can we talk again about how to handle rough housing and hitting? MW? I'm so over it. Nora keeps hitting and it's not even out of anger, it's out of excitement. But my poor baby is getting hurt so often that it's really getting out of hand. Thoughts?

Yesterday I was so desperate I resorted to telling her we only beat up/hit/punch/shove/kick bad guys! And your brother isn't a bad guy!

No, it didn't really work. But we laughed and the tension dissolved. Sigh.

This too shall pass, right?

Thinking of you JJ! I hope you are able to enjoy parts of your day, even though it's so hard to be away from Ten!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Oh - and my chart. CD18 and still no EWCM and barely an O pain. Last night I thought for sure something was going to happen but my temps are still low. This is probably what happened last month any why my cycle was longer. C'mon eggie! Lets go so we can move on?!? Sigh.

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/1966df


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Ack! family nonsense! drives me bonkers. Annie(EM) I wouldn't go either, or explain scheduling difficulties. maybe she'd spring for a gift certificate instead?

Carrie: maybe suggest alternative physical thing to do when she's excited? Hug Finn instead? Jump up and down? Stomp feet? Gabe hasn't been striking out as much at Norah, thank God, and I think our emphasis on having him use words first, and praising/noticing when he does (even if the words aren't really kind) has helped alot. I mean, sometimes he is just like, NO, GO AWAY! or whatever, and that's not the nicest thing, but he's honest, and it alerts me I need to step in and move Norah.

He polices Norah sometimes (takes the remote away, or other thing she's not supposed to have), or tells her to get down off of things, and I don't mind so much. I'm trying to be careful with it, because as the oldest, it would drive me crazy when I'd do the same thing, then my mother would step in, holler at me for being bossy, then tell my sister to not do exactly what I just said. I understand she thought I was taking her authority or something, but to me, it seemed to send mixed messages to my sister - she never thought she had to listen to me, so when I was left "in charge" she refused to listen to what I had to say. So I try to say stuff like, "that's right, Gabe, Norah shouldn't have the remote. next time ask momma to help you, or come get me so I can help" I want to reinforce what the rules are, but try to be respectful of both of them. IDK if that's the best way to go, but it seems to be going ok so far. And sometimes I do enlist his help taking things away. He can catch her faster than I can 

Carrie: chart stuff . . Finn is still nursing, so maybe that's just messing with your cycles? were they like that as Nora got older and still nursed?

Also: JJ? whoever asked - after age 1, I wouldn't pump either. Gabe was perfectly happy drinking water/milk/OJ when I was gone and eating solids. He'd nurse when I was home. Nothing wrong with choosing to pump - I just really don't like it, and didn't see a need when breastmilk was no longer the majority of his diet. Norah of course weaned just shy of her birthday, but due to my pregnancy, she really upped her solid intake. I never supplemented with formula, but did start adding other milks (Coconut, Almond, Cow's) around 10 months as a drink option.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Annie ~ Does Ava have any teeth yet? I can't remember.

Dylan is on a strange sleep schedule. He sleeps for 4-5 hours for his first stretch at night but then he's constantly squirmy and restless for the rest of the night. The couple of times I've been completely exhausted and haven't gotten out of bed he has fallen back to sleep around 9 am or so and continues to sleep until at least noon. He's doing it now. I was able to get a couple more hours of sleep, from about 9-11, but I feel like I've missed most of the day.
Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> It's akin to dealing with someone that has addiction issues or an addictive personality. They have very little ability to self-regulate. 1 of my older 4 is actually pretty good about self-regulating and not inflicting self-harm. She eats when she's hungry, not when she's bored, tired, angry, sad, etc. She goes to bed when she's tired. She goes to her room when she needs quiet time. She's pretty in tune with her body. My other ones, not so much. One child is obese. Yet continues to make poor food choices. Two are chronically tired to the point of severe bruises under their eyes but will insist, even as they are having trouble stringing sentences together or their eyes are half closed, that they are not tired and do not need to go to bed. People with addictive personalities engage in behavior even if it makes them feel bad while they are doing it or directly after doing it. It's very difficult for them to break the addiction cycle. Those are the types of things that I refer to when I say that some of my kids have trouble self-regulating.
> 
> Your kids have always been taught to listen to their bodies and they work from a place of abundance rather than scarcity so they have a very good handle on self-regulating. Probably even better than a lot of adults.


You periodically mention that their mother is unstable so I assume they don't get much help or guidance with such things from her. They most likely live in the type of environment where it's virtually impossible to learn to self-regulate in the way we are talking about. I think I've said before that is a very tough situation. It's hard enough sharing children with your own partner without throwing in having to also share them with a completely separate set of parents.

Ryan did not have the freedom to do that when he was young. I was very controlling with him in a lot of ways. It took a lot of years and struggles for him to start. A lot of people in my family thought he had a video game addiction because it seemed that all he wanted to do when he was a teenager was play video games. He did spend most of his time at home in his room doing just that but he also had friends and did things outside the home and he doesn't let it interfere with his work, like staying up all night playing or playing through when he is supposed to be at work or anything like that. Anyway, my point is that I've seen both sides of that kind of thing.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie ~ Are you sure O wasn't on cd15 or 16? I see you didn't have any ewcf and are missing a temp but your temps did jump a lot higher on cd17 and 18. You can O with only creamy cf.

Is Nora fighting with Finn or just getting overly excited? Here's a link if it's fighting. http://sandradodd.com/peace/fighting

EM ~ I would not do anything alone with your SIL. I'd be afraid she'd make up some story about you and you'd have no witnesses to dispute it.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Oh thanks for that article, MW. Helps a bit.

Idk. She gets over excited and hugs too hard/too rough and knocks him over. Or she'll be excited for him for doing something, "YAYY FINN!" and just PUNCH him in the head. WTH?

Other times, fighting over a toy, sharing, etc, we figure it out. But the exuberance and being so excited...idk what to do! He needs to feel safe, too, like the article was saying.

She also will just push him for "no reason" (b/c I know mw will say "but she has a reason, we just don't know it.."). Jealousy? Possibly. Probably.

Sigh.

I'm trying to remember that I'm in control. That her emotions are huge and she doesn't understand them all the time either. I need to be her safe place and take all I can in so she can learn in a safe environment.

Last night as she was falling asleep next to me, she said, "Mom, please stay all night. If I have any bad dreams, I'll just share them to you, and you can dream them for me, so I won't be scared." She is amazing, really. That just struck me on so many levels. She wants me to take away the bad, she knows I can handle it -- and she also knows I'm there for her, and would totally do that for her (were it possible). Children are as amazing as they are frustrating, aren't they?

RE: O day...idk. I still feel random O pains and my temps should be higher than low 97s for post O. I always get gobs of EWCM. I'm going to keep an eye and just keep using protection obv.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> He polices Norah sometimes (takes the remote away, or other thing she's not supposed to have), or tells her to get down off of things, and I don't mind so much. I'm trying to be careful with it, because as the oldest, it would drive me crazy when I'd do the same thing, then my mother would step in, holler at me for being bossy, then tell my sister to not do exactly what I just said. I understand she thought I was taking her authority or something, but to me, it seemed to send mixed messages to my sister - she never thought she had to listen to me, so when I was left "in charge" she refused to listen to what I had to say. So I try to say stuff like, "that's right, Gabe, Norah shouldn't have the remote. next time ask momma to help you, or come get me so I can help" I want to reinforce what the rules are, but try to be respectful of both of them. IDK if that's the best way to go, but it seems to be going ok so far. And sometimes I do enlist his help taking things away. He can catch her faster than I can


this is SO TRUE! I like how you handle that.

I love when Nora talks to Finn in that authoritarian voice. She sounds so much like me it's scary. Ha!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I love seeing echoes of myself in my kids. Except when Gabe walks around with his hands on his hips like a pregnant woman . . . It's funny and cute, but really brings it to my attention. Gabe seems to like to tell Norah No . . .it's generally in appropriate circumstances, but the perplexed look on his face when she doesn't listen (Bc honestly, she doesn't really listen for anybody, LOL) is just hilarious.

Carrie: bless you for charting and TTA. I am so glad DH is getting snipped in January, well before the baby is born. It means I don't ever have to worry about whether or not we need condoms ever again. we can just enjoy sex for heck of it, no ttc or tta. That's one of the perks of pregnancy sex - no worries - I'm already knocked up! Especially when your cycles aren't predictable, I feel so much pressure when charting to know whether or not I'm fertile, and honestly, for the better part of the time, I have no freaking clue. Not because I don't understand the concept of charting, it's just with irregualar cycles/nursing/etc, everything seems that much more unreliable.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Baby_Cakes, have you noticed or been told that she has trouble directing her exuberance when she's playing with people closer to her age? For instance at school? Or does it just happen with Finn? I seem to recall you saying that you felt things got better when you had some more one on one time with you. When Finn is napping, can you guys play in her room or will that wake him? Can you do it in such a way so it feels like special time and not you trying to keep her from waking Finn? Sometimes, it's all about the mind game, you know?


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I really like this book http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Are-Hitting-Best-Behavior/dp/1575423081/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353964519&sr=8-1&keywords=hands+are+not+for+hitting and all the ones that suggestions off of that book as well are really good.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Annie ~ that link is funny because it says, "hands are hitting best behavior."


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Annie ~ that link is funny because it says, "hands are hitting best behavior."


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Bigger response later, but we survived! And I actually feel fantastic! Really tired, but it was a really good day. Saw people, interacted, had meals, peed by myself (!), used my two 45 minute busrides and breaks to catch up on internet stuff, and Tenley did -fantastic-. I dreamfed her this morning from 535-about 550, since she didn't wake up when I left the bed, and then I left at 6am, and Rob dressed her and took her over to Ashleigh's. He said she fussed when he tried to buckle her into the car, but I mean that's normal. Then dropoff was quick since he was running a bit late. Ashleigh said she played a little bit between 630-8am and then they left to take Ava to the bus (bundle in the stroller, which has this insane winter cover, so you don't even have to wear a jacket practically, and then it's really only 4 houses down), and she noticed her getting sleep. She slept from like 830-11am !!! When I called at noon, she'd just woken up and had a bit of lunch, and I could hear her babbeling away happily in the background. It was crazy!! And then she slept again from like 230 until 415ish when we got there, and when I went in to wake her up, she actually shoved me off and buried her face deeper a couple times! lol

So ummmm yeah... She NEVER sleeps that long, let alone TWICE in one day, AND without nursing! Blown away. Ashleigh said she played really well too, very calm and just kind of "oh, new stuff, let me look at this totally non-interesting thing for 15 minutes!" It'll be interesting to see how Wednesday is, going back, if she starts to realize that this wasn't just one really fun day, that it's going to happen on a regular basis.

And yeah, even now, we nursed when we got home, and then again just 10 minutes ago, but even then she wasn't super interested. I expected her ot be crazy nursing. Probably tonight I guess. She drank 3oz IN A BOTTLE today too, that I left. She never takes a bottle!

I managed to pump 4oz at work, and then I didn't want to have too much in the bottle and it leak, so I stopped. But I did 3oz on the first side, which is my lower side, and then it slowed down, but wasn't even empty when I switched. And then an ounce on the second one, which is my heavier producer, so yeah, totally could have used the bigger bottle. I'll bring it tomorrow. I waited until 2pm to pump, and I could probably have gone a bit longer, but didn't want to get cuaght being full and sore on the bus home (around 345-430), so I pumped on my break. The setup should work ok, I'm using my boss's office, it's big, and it's quiet, so I pulled out my phone and read FB while pumping. I just need to bring some sort of bag to put the milk in, because today for instance I just left it in my bag, but if I had pumped earlier, I wouldn't be cool with doing that. We used to have a freezer in our back room, but we don't, so it has to go in the restaurant fridge. I feel weird leaving a bottle of freshly pumped breastmilk in the walk in fridge. lol.

So I'm torn now though... I pumped those 4oz in about 20 minutes. I don't know now whether I should just get another manual pump, or a very basic single electric, since I was able to produce a lot better today. Or if it's still worth it to get the pump in style, for the increased time (Maybe I would have gotten that 4oz in 8 minutes, kwim?) I can't decide.

Anyways, off to go spend time with the girl before she goes down for the night. Though with 4.5 hours of naptime, who knows what time that will be!!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

JJ ~ Glad you both did so well!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Whoa. I'm now seeing the mobile MDC site on my Nook. It's....strange. Whoa.

Wonder if it will register new paragraphs now? Testing!


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Ah! So excited! Ok, JJ, I'm so happy to hear your day went well! I'm interested to hear how she sleeps tonight. In my house, the better naps you take, the better you sleep at night.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Isn't the mobile site cool!! It's still a little glitchy for me, but a huge help anyways!!

She slept pretty crap, but I expected that with her first day away from me and all that. Could have been a lot worse. Well see how she sleeps now with just dad in the bed. She Often sleeps better with him alone. But yes, the babysitter wanted to wake her up from her naps an I was like no no...lets see how this plays out-- sleep begets sleep.... We've just... Never had her sleep enough to beget more sleep! Lol so maybe well find now that if ash can get her doing really good naps, her night sleep will fall in place! It's worth a try!!

She's home with dad today. I'm almost more
Nervous, she's never been alone with him for long periods of time, and home doesn't have the same excitement appeal of aunties house. They've got 6oz of milk tho


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Real quick -- JJ I used to use a soft insulated lunch bag at work to keep my milk in. I picked a pretty one, and kept the pumped milk and the horns in there so I didn't have to wash them each time. Nobody knew it was bm, b/c it just looked like a lunch bag.

Love the mobile site too! Tho lately when I try to type it isn't putting spaces b/w words and capitalizes every letter. Idk how to fix that. :-(

Ugh, sleep. Finn slept from 830 until 430 w/o even a stir, and then was WIDE AWAKE. I did everything I could for an hour and finally he conked back out, and I slept until 715. Ugh.

Coffee now!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

JJ: glad it went so well! re: pumping, I only pump one boob at a time anyway, as I don't want to invest in a handsfree device, so a single electric should be fine if you want it to go a bit easier. I like the mindlessness of the electric. I keep losing pace with a manual.

And hooray for good naps!you know now that she can do it!

I am sure your dH and Tenley will do fine. it's good for them. I know my DH has really appreciated the extra bonding time he's had with the kids since he's home with them.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

DH needs more one on one time with the kids! What excuses can I make up to get him to do it more?? I need a responsibility out side the home!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> Baby_Cakes, have you noticed or been told that she has trouble directing her exuberance when she's playing with people closer to her age? For instance at school? Or does it just happen with Finn? I seem to recall you saying that you felt things got better when you had some more one on one time with you. When Finn is napping, can you guys play in her room or will that wake him? Can you do it in such a way so it feels like special time and not you trying to keep her from waking Finn? Sometimes, it's all about the mind game, you know?


She gets a little overexcited but I never see or hear her hitting/shoving/playing rough with other children her age, no. It seems to only happen with Finn.

And nap noise isn't really an issue lately, thank goodness, b/c that's exactly what we do. Play in the living room, board games, movies, draw/color/do a project, etc. She hasn't been exceptionally loud lately I think b/c she does see it as special time and not a trick.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> Carrie: bless you for charting and TTA. I am so glad DH is getting snipped in January, well before the baby is born. It means I don't ever have to worry about whether or not we need condoms ever again. we can just enjoy sex for heck of it, no ttc or tta. That's one of the perks of pregnancy sex - no worries - I'm already knocked up! Especially when your cycles aren't predictable, I feel so much pressure when charting to know whether or not I'm fertile, and honestly, for the better part of the time, I have no freaking clue. Not because I don't understand the concept of charting, it's just with irregualar cycles/nursing/etc, everything seems that much more unreliable.


Aw thanks. It's really kind of like fun science for me. I like doing it. It's annoying with just the bit of inconsistency I'm having this month, so I can totally see how someone with crazy cycles wouldn't want to deal with it/rely on it.

AFM today -- huge temp spike again (I used a basal temp calc to adjust my temp b/c I took it early) and copious watery/creamy cm. So. O hasn't happened yet but my temp is super high. Idk!! CD19 so I'm going to watch both the chart and the calendar days and just be prepared for AF around day 28/29/30...

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> She's home with dad today. I'm almost more
> Nervous, she's never been alone with him for long periods of time, and home doesn't have the same excitement appeal of aunties house. They've got 6oz of milk tho


Woo hoo! Good luck to daddy! I know they'll be fine! Enjoy your day at work with grownups, bathrooms, and all the good stuff that comes with those things!!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> DH needs more one on one time with the kids! What excuses can I make up to get him to do it more?? I need a responsibility out side the home!


You don't need an excuse. Just plan some girlfriend time or alone time. I just tell my husband when he gets home that I'm going over to my friend's house. He's usually fine with it. One thing I'd really like to do that I can't is go to the local knitting club meetings. The problem is they meet at 5:00 or 5:30 and my dh doesn't get home from work until 7 or later. Some day...

Here's my chart. No temps, just CF data. I'm on cd28 with 9 days of ewcf. I never had this much ewcf when I was TTC. WTH?!

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/coconutsFFChart
My Ovulation Chart


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> You don't need an excuse. Just plan some girlfriend time or alone time.


I try to only do that on a Saturday or something. Even then...it's usually a "big deal" and I end up feeling guilty. Or I get a text along the lines of "coming home soon?" like an hour in. It's just not fair and it's on the list of issues we keep having...


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

Oh Carrie! Hugs! I hate those kind if subtle guilt trips!!

5oz today, took a bit longer though. I wasn't as relaxed bc I was texting with dh who was stressed and upset so I'm sure that affected it.

He had a horrible day with her. She yelled at him when he ran out of milk, (he let her drink almost 6oz in one sitting!!) and then kept yelling NO dada!! Over and over. We didn't even know she knew the word no.... He's frazzled to the core. So I ask, do you have more respect for what I go trough every day now? And he has the effing nerve to say "no". Ass.

Apparently he's been trying to "get stuff done" so now the house is way messier than when I left this morning... And I spent time cleaning it last night. Jerk. I told him not to worry about forward progress, just to focus on keeping her happy and the house in the same state. Instead he tried to put up the Xmas tree and install a new bathroom door. Well.... Then don't expect sympathy because she's bugging you! Lol


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Baby_Cakes*
> 
> I try to only do that on a Saturday or something. Even then...it's usually a "big deal" and I end up feeling guilty. Or I get a text along the lines of "coming home soon?" like an hour in. It's just not fair and it's on the list of issues we keep having...


I feel guilty even though dh doesn't usually bug me about coming home. I wonder every time why I feel guilty about leaving my dh alone with his own kids. I guess that's just part of being a mom.

Ha, JJ! He refuses to admit defeat. My dh does the same thing. He plans to get all kinds of things done while he's home with the kids and it doesn't happen. He also tries to act like it was no biggie but I can tell he's frazzled. I think that's a man thing. Whatever...







.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *onetwoten*
> 
> Oh Carrie! Hugs! I hate those kind if subtle guilt trips!!
> 5oz today, took a bit longer though. I wasn't as relaxed bc I was texting with dh who was stressed and upset so I'm sure that affected it.
> ...


Ooooh I know that feeling! I hate it My DH says stuff like that too!

Last night we had a huge fight. HUGE. Epic. I was up so late b/c of it. He said some real doozies. Like "don't expect me to give praise to you for doing shit you're supposed to do anyway," and just mean hurtful things.

Men can really suck sometimes. I won't go into details but I'm going to really start pushing the counseling card. I think if we are going to make it, we need some help communicating. We are having the same freaking argument month after month. I'm so over it.

Sorry Ten had a rougher day -- but I know in time they'll work it out and get a routine.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

That sucks, Carrie. That type of thing comes up a lot in my unschooling discussion group. There's a big thing about learning to be nice to each other. It's really sad that we've all been programmed to be cynical and sarcastic and unsupportive rather than seeing people just being loved and appreciated. My dh has a bad habit of placing blame on the rest of us for things when it's not helpful at all. It doesn't really matter how or why something happened after the fact. Let's just fix it, ya know? I'll see if I can find some good reading on how to help everyone in the family start becoming nicer to each other.

The first step is for you to be nicer to him, to express your appreciation for everything he does, regardless of whether or not he expresses that to you. I know it doesn't seem fair but if you change your behavior, he has to change his one way or another.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Ugh, JJ, I'm sorry she had a rough day. And that totally stinks about your DH. I must say that while my DH has his faults (see my AFM), he's well aware of how hard it is to take care of Ava and doesn't give me crap when we leave the house in a mess or whatever.

Baby_Cakes, is your DH open to counseling?

AFM, in keeping w/the DH posts, my DH is terrible about keeping track of things. He loses his keys, phone, wallet, etc all the time. I've taken to leaving our house door unlocked in the afternoon when I leave because I don't want Ava locked out of the house when he gets home in the evening. Well last week he asked me to make sure I lock the door in the afternoon. Fine. Started doing that. Got a call yesterday evening at work that he was locked out of the house.







Geez louise. Anyways, luckily one of the big kids had a key and they were still at school so Ava wasn't out of the house for very long. Oh and get this. Found out last night that the new sitter, that Ava has really taken to and I like a lot, she's pregnant. Grrrr! Why is my child getting everyone around her pregnant?!? So I'll have to start all over again with someone new in the summer. Unless sitter #1 is able to take her back.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Ugh, Annie. That just stinks! I went through that with babysitters for a while before I had Dylan. The first babysitter I had was great but she moved (military family). The second and third both got pregnant and couldn't babysit anymore.

Can you hide a key somewhere near your house? Or maybe in your dh's car or with a neighbor? We keep a key with a neighbor for emergencies and lock outs.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie ~ I haven't read through this so I don't know if it applies but the title caught my eye. http://sandradodd.com/destructive

Here's something about trying to make your home more happy and peaceful. http://sandradodd.com/peace/mama


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Can you hide a key somewhere near your house? Or maybe in your dh's car or with a neighbor? We keep a key with a neighbor for emergencies and lock outs.


I've tried that. When he loses his main keys, then he takes the key from the hiding spot and starts using that as his regular key. Then he loses that key and we're back to square one. I swear there are keys to our vehicles and house all over the county. So rather than hounding him all the time about if he has his keys, my solution was to just not lock the door. The house is left unattended for like 2 hrs in the afternoon. I don't see a problem with it. If there is something really important, it gets put in my purse or put away where I know where it is and I only tell him on a need to know basis.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I always tell DH I am happy to come home to him and the kids, clean house and projects aren't a priority. He tries anyway, and sometimes succeeds.
Carrie: sorry you are having such a rough time with your DH. Hugs, and hope he's amenable to counseling.
Lost keys. It's helped alot having a door that locks from the outside. I can't ever lock my keys in the house.
Gabe slept from almost 6 last night to 5:30 this morning. Tired boy! But then, he was awake when I leave for work, and he was very unhappy about that. Poor DH.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> Carrie ~ I haven't read through this so I don't know if it applies but the title caught my eye. http://sandradodd.com/destructive
> Here's something about trying to make your home more happy and peaceful. http://sandradodd.com/peace/mama


 Omg. Super helpful, thanks for these links. I'm going to try to just be much more available for her and pay more attn to her. I'm guilty of thinking she's "grown" b/c she acts so grown up otherwise.

Chris and counseling -- I've been bringing it up for YEARS. He isn't open to it. He thinks its unnecessary. I'm not sure what he is afraid of...but I'm afraid that if we don't learn better ways to communicate with each other, we aren't going to make it. It's so tough to feel sympathy or compassion at this point when his attitude toward me is lacking those things as well. We need to just get back to basics and start treating each other with more respect, etc. Ugh. So much work ahead.

Lauri - Ugh about the keys!! And about the preggo sitter. What the heck, Ava!? LOL! I hope you find a solution to the childcare issue, something you are comfortable with, and fast.

I got a full nights sleep last night! Hoooooooray! I put the kids to bed around 9, and went to bed at 1030. I woke up to my alarm at 630! Sweet, sweet sleep! Not a peep from either one all night. I so needed that!

I think I might try to run to TRU and knock some shopping out today. Wish me luck!


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I think it really helps to bring up issues like counseling and stuff in place of calm - not in the heat of an arguement, if it can be helped. Maybe on a date night? though that might kill the mood. But if you are going to get to a place where you communicate better, you need to do something. Hugs, I know it must be tough.

If anything, I'm guilty of not communicating enough, because I have a feeling what I want to say would be hurtful, even if it's true. yesterday dh was grumpy, and I called him out on it (not that he's not entitled to his feelings, but when he's grumpy, he isolates himself from me and the kids, which isn't fair to any of us) and all it does is make him grumpier. When I'm in a bad mood, I can't afford to do that - someone has to respond to the kids and be present. He was grumpy because he took Gabe to a paint your own pottery place, and Gabe, upon arrival, was incredibly unhappy and just wanted to come back home. I mean, that stuff happens. And Gabe was tired and maybe not feeling well, who knows. So DH was in a funk the rest of the day. Gabe fell asleep before dinner around 6, woke briefly to have diaper changed around 8, and stayed asleep until 5:30. . . .I don't know. but I think DH is a little happier today. I hope so. I don't like having to walk on eggshells around people.

Carrie: hooray on sleep!

I need to read up on stuff. And I want to try to inject some more structure to our day, I think we all could benefit from it. Not exactly a schedule, but I'd like to have more of a routine than we currently do.

Funny from my mom (who has been watching supernanny) - she thinks that I'm just incredibly lucky to have kids that transitioned from co-sleeping to sleeping in their own beds and rooms so well. I don't know, is it luck? I'd like to think that how we transitioned them to their own beds is a big part of it. They never feel cut off from us or separated - everyone is always welcome in any bed. We never have told Gabe he can't come in our bed anymore. We just gave him his own bed, in his own space. He chose to stay there and have us come to him. So, IDK if it's luck, or what. but I'm grateful either way.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> Funny from my mom (who has been watching supernanny) - she thinks that I'm just incredibly lucky to have kids that transitioned from co-sleeping to sleeping in their own beds and rooms so well. I don't know, is it luck? I'd like to think that how we transitioned them to their own beds is a big part of it. They never feel cut off from us or separated - everyone is always welcome in any bed. We never have told Gabe he can't come in our bed anymore. We just gave him his own bed, in his own space. He chose to stay there and have us come to him. So, IDK if it's luck, or what. but I'm grateful either way.


LOL. I do think you're lucky they did it so young. I mean, in time of course when kids are ready they'll do it. It must really depend on the kid bc I know mine really didn't sleep well in her own bed until she was already 3, and Gabes been doing it for awhile, and Norah too. Finn isn't sleeping soundly on the mattress, but in bed with me he'll sleep thru. So, I think you did get lucky with good sleepers!!! Hopefully Baby T will be the same way!!

Routine is good. I love that we have a plan for the day -- we can stray from it for sure, but generally we have a routine. It really helps!

I'm hoping next week to get the kids in for pictures at JCPenney. Gonna go try to schedule it now.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Expressing empathy can help a lot when someone is upset. For example, if dh comes home grumpy because he tried to do something with the kids and it didn't work out, maybe saying something to him about how it seems he is really disappointed about the outing might help. Was he hurt or did he somehow feel like he failed because the kid(s) didn't have a good time? Was he embarrassed in front of the other parents/adults?

I know that I always feel better and am nicer when other people are nicer to me. When my dh is really kind and nice and helpful I feel like being more kind to him. I figure it probably works the other way, too, so I try to be more kind and nice and helpful and thoughtful toward him and my kids regardless of how they are acting. Everyone likes to be taken care of in little ways.

Kat ~ It would seem to me that you are lucky with the way your kids sleep. Maybe you do something that really helps. IDK since I'm not there, ya know? Most parents seem to struggle with their kids and sleep regardless of where, when and how they sleep. Tell your mom to stop watching the Supernanny, though. That is such an awful, mean show.

Since we were talking about unschooling a while ago, I thought I'd share this with you all. DH thought he'd get Ethan the other day. I missed the first part of their conversation but I'm guessing it had something to do with math and school and Ethan knowing a lot. DH said, "You're 8 so you'd be in 3rd grade, right? 3rd graders do multiplication and division so let's see if you can figure this out. What is 24 divided by 4?" Ethan didn't understand the question as it was asked so I explained that it meant dividing 24 into 4 equal parts. What 4 equal parts add up to 24? Ethan thought for a minute and then said, "That's easy. It's 6." DH asked how he knew that. Ethan said he knew that 12 plus 12 is 24 and half of 12 is 6 so 4 sixes add up to 24. That's all without ever doing any kind of formal math work.

Kellen did a similar thing. We were making a pie. We needed 3/4 of a cup of sugar. I don't have a 3/4 cup measuring cup so I use my 1/4 cup. I told Kellen we need 3 of those to get all of the sugar we needed. He poured in one 1/4 cup of sugar and said, "Now we need 2." He poured the 2nd one in and said, "Only one more."He just did that spontaneously and intuitively and it's no big deal because math is just part of life. That is how unschooling works.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Gabe is very much a mama's boy, and I know it bothers DH that Gabe doesn't usually prefer him. I think in yesterday's case, DH was upset bc he made the effort to do something with Gabe and it didn't pan out. We had already bought a groupon for the activity, so it is partly money lost as well, I think. I probably could have been more empathetic, but it frustrates me to no end, that I am working from home and then he checks out, so to speak, and I am stuck trying to work and deal with kids. And I don't know that it has occured to him that if he would maybe interact with them more at home, to play and stuff, that the kids - especially Gabe - would be more interested in doing other things with him too.

This level of grumpy doesn't happen often, but when it does, it ruins everyone's day.

Supernanny - I don't disagree with everything she does, but I do disagree with rather a lot of it. I think limits and boundaries, and consequences for actions are good. But how exactly those things are carried out (on the show) leave a lot to be desired. And she doesn't think very highly of co-sleeping either, LOL (but in the cases on the show, when it clearly is driving a wedge between the parents, I agree that some change needs to be made - just not in how she accomplishes it). I think my mom is trying to get some ideas on how to work with Gabe (I don't want to say discipline exactly, because that's not quite right, but how to set limits on things so he will listen).

And hooray on the math! Question: as the kids get older, will they be doing an high school equivalency exam of some sort? And how do you prepare for that if so? Let alone things like SATs, etc. As Gabe is just hitting the pre-school years I am still not entirely sur where we will fall on the homeschooling ----- unschooling spectrum. He was trying to draw H and I the other day, and does circles all the time, and identified a triangle. (I honestly have not worked with him at all on this stuff. My mom does a little, when she plays with him, and I know he gets some from TV). So that's nifty.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Preferring mom is very typical for Gabe's age. It isn't until after 3 that most kids start to move away from Mom and toward Dad. It also has a lot to do with personality. Kellen is much more likely to want to do something with DH than Ethan is. Ethan likes to stay with me. Kellen likes to go on adventures with his dad. Talking to your dh about age/developmentally appropriate behavior during a calm moment might help. Also, talking about how it could hurt Gabe to having Mom or Dad angry or upset or offended because of some of his natural personality traits might help. That's a little trickier because you don't want to make it sound like you are blaming your dh for hurting Gabe.

I know it's frustrating when they check out. I think that's a male thing. My dh does it sometimes, too. I try to explain to him that checking out is just not an option when you are a parent but, in the moment, he just doesn't get it. I read a book once about how males get surges of adrenaline or something when they feel stressed or upset or angry and checking out or shutting down is a biological response to that situation that they can't fully control.

I'm going to look for that book because it may help Carrie to read it, too. An interesting idea in the book is that improved communication isn't necessarily the key even though that's what's touted.

As for school, a GED is an option. Ryan took some prep classes at Huntington Learning Center and then took the GED test. It is also possible to get into community college without a HS diploma or GED. Many homeschoolers write up their own diplomas. It's a bit easier to do that in NC because homeschoolers are considered private schools so it would be an official school document.

There are prep classes for SATs and ACT. I don't think there's any requirement for a diploma to take those tests. You just pay the fee. I assume you are talking about getting into college because, otherwise, there's no need for any of that. More and more colleges admit homeschoolers based on work, portfolios, volunteering and life experience and waive testing and diploma requirements.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Nora is still quite firmly attached to my hip.

MW maybe you have wisdom for this situation as well. She often says she loves me but doesn't love daddy. Whenever he tries to help (bath, bedtime, getting dressed, getting her food, ANYTHING) she screams "NOT YOU! MOMMY!" I have to get her out of the car. I have to do the buckles. I have to push the cart in the store. Every. Little. Thing.

It's overwhelming. I usually just go along with it unless I physically cannot for some reason, b/c I feel like she is craving attachment to me. I thought it would fade over time but it hasn't.

But often I feel really mad about it. I have a willing husband and a great father here who WANTS to help and she won't let him. I remind her during the day that he loves her no matter what she says (when she says the i don't love him stuff), and remind her of all the fun they have when they work outside together, or go out together (which they do often, and she's fine when she's with him. They have a blast.)

But what gives? What's this mommy-centric clingy vibe?

Maybe as I give her more attention, she will start to feel more secure. Idk.

No slots open this week at penney's. I'll have to try next week once the calendar is up.

Bought their holiday outfits tho! Check one thing off the list!

MW - that math is great!


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

i'll come back later with a bigger response. had an interesting day.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie ~ We went through that a bit with the boys. I think it's typical when one parent is the primary care taker. One of the things that was a problem for us was that dh didn't know what the boys wanted the way I did. He wouldn't stop to ask how they wanted their sandwiches cut or which underwear they wanted to wear. They would get very upset over things like that. I think part of that was them wanting things a certain way and part of it was being used to the way I do things. It has been slowly getting better. I would talk to dh in private about making more of an effort to do things the way the boys wanted rather than what was easiest or most logical to him. As much as I could, I would build up Dad for the boys. I would talk about all the wonderful things he does and express appreciation to and for him in front of the boys, which it sounds like you are doing.

I wouldn't push it with her if she's getting very upset about it. I think the more secure she feels with you the more likely she will eventually start to accept others, including her dad. Let it unfold as it does, at her pace. At 3 is when they start to move away from Mom and toward Dad (if Dad is involved) but it's a long (lifetime?) process. Don't expect it to be done by 3.5 or 4 or 6. There will always be certain things that she will want only you for. Hopefully, she will eventually want only Dad for certain things.

I would pay attention to any subtle and/or nonverbal messages either one of you may be sending that might make Nora think she's being a bother. Any kind of negativity expressed in any way around her behavior by either one can make her feel less secure with either one of you. It could be something as little as sighing when she asks for you or it could be big like you guys getting overtly frustrated or angry when she refuses to do anything for or with Chris. It's hard to never get angry or frustrated. That will happen, I think. But each time, each moment is an opportunity to be kinder and gentler.

All that being said, my boys still won't go to sleep with dh and not me. These days dh goes to bed around 10 or 11 and I wait for Dylan and Kellen to crash before putting them to bed if I want to stay up later. Ethan will stay up with me as late as I'm up, sometimes even until 2 am. But, he's not a bother. He just chills out. Most people would probably say that's a bad thing to do but we don't have schedules to follow so it doesn't really matter when we sleep as long as we get enough sleep.

I haven't found that darn book yet. I wish I could remember the title. I thought it was something along the lines of the secrets to a successful marriage but it didn't come up when I googled that. There's one book entitled something like, How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. I don't know if I'd recommend that book. I got a little perturbed by it because it seemed to blame the woman/wife for most of the problems. But it might be useful if you can get past that part and just focus on the suggestions of little things to do to improve things now without trying to have big discussions about it. Men generally don't like to talk, especially about feelings. That's the idea behind the book being mainly directed at women, I think.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:
Originally Posted by *MarineWife* 

I wouldn't push it with her if she's getting very upset about it. I think the more secure she feels with you the more likely she will eventually start to accept others, including her dad. Let it unfold as it does, at her pace. At 3 is when they start to move away from Mom and toward Dad (if Dad is involved) but it's a long (lifetime?) process. Don't expect it to be done by 3.5 or 4 or 6. There will always be certain things that she will want only you for. Hopefully, she will eventually want only Dad for certain things.


> I would pay attention to any subtle and/or nonverbal messages either one of you may be sending that might make Nora think she's being a bother. Any kind of negativity expressed in any way around her behavior by either one can make her feel less secure with either one of you. It could be something as little as sighing when she asks for you or it could be big like you guys getting overtly frustrated or angry when she refuses to do anything for or with Chris. It's hard to never get angry or frustrated. That will happen, I think. But each time, each moment is an opportunity to be kinder and gentler.


Thanks.







You always offer such a fresh perspective, I truly appreciate our conversations.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Carrie: Gabe does the same thing - "mommy push it!" "no daddy!" stuff. And like you, unless I actually can not, I do it, because it's easier and makes for happier everyone. (except for DH maybe, LOL and me, it gets tiring) I do talk to DS about my frustrations though, because honestly I sometimes physically CANNOT do all that he wants me to do. I can not carry him the whole way through the store - he's heavy and I am pregnant. I have found for those situations (the store stuff is a biggie for us) If I hold him as we go into the store (or wear him, as the case may be), within a few minutes he's happy to be down walking. It's that initial closenss and mommy-time he craves. By the end, he may be asking to be held again, but that's ok, if I get the majority of the shopping with a happy, walking (or running) Gabe, than that's a big bonus.

Other stuff . . . sometimes he has to deal with DH. They have to find a way to push through it, and that's good for both DH and DS. I bribe DS sometimes, LOL, like when they go on their daddy-son date (this is a weekly thing where they go to kindermusik and lunch) Gabe is fine once there, but doesn't want to get in the car, so now he gets a dum-dum and goes happily. Norah is starting to get clingier a bit too, especially at bedtime, but DH does her, and I do Gabe -. Once there are 3 . . . bed time will be interesting. a lot depends on what kind of sleeper this baby turns out to be.

Gabe is so picky about his people! Norah isn't as much yet, and I hope she doesn't get as picky. it makes it challenging.

DH was in a much better mood yesterday - rough start once I left for work, but then Gabe cheered up and helped with breakfast and was really good with Norah (until I got home, and then he didn't want to share mommy. *sigh*)

At any rate, it seems like such a fine line to walk. I want to say yes as much as I can, but there are also times I NEED to say no. and I really need him to respect those times - and I think by making the NO cases rare, he's more likely too, but that's not always the case.

MW: re: testing - I was asking about the SATs and stuff for college, of course, if any of your kids choose to go that route, and high school equivalency because some jobs do require it (I have only had one where they required the actual diploma and would not just accept a transcript. idiots. It was working for the CDC on base, of course - and who in the world travels with their diploma? Mine was in storage)

I need to look into more of what SC requires for homeschooling . . . I am feeling lazy and just want to ask some people I know that do, but I should be a good proactive parent and read it myself.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

I know I am new and it probably doesn't help 1if I only post a few days a week to get to know me. Sorry everyone.

Been busy. My nephew is really sick, they keep saying Lyme, but it may be Pneumonia so they are doing tests to figure out.

I got locked out of the house yesterday with baby inside sleeping.

My husbands great-grandma is not doing good. She keeps sending money to people who tell her she will get millions if she does. She is getting scammed big time and shouldn't be living alone.

We're trying to get her either to live with us and me taking care of her, or in assisted living.

So much on my plate. I am so tired that this morning I didn't even wake up to the phone. I am a light sleeper and for me to sleep that hard is so unusual.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Kat ~ If you are really interested in homeschooling, you should read the actual laws yourself. Do not rely on anyone else, including any state run homeschooling department, to tell you what you need to do. I have learned that most people do not truly understand the laws.

EM ~ Sounds like a lot to deal with. How scary to be locked out with the baby inside. I would freak.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *MarineWife*
> 
> EM ~ Sounds like a lot to deal with. How scary to be locked out with the baby inside. I would freak.


I was so so scared. I freaked out really bad.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Oh, MW, I know - I just need to get on it. What I'd want to ask some local people is what do they DO? actually. One mama friend I'm pretty sure is nearly unschooled, others I know are big into curriculm. I am not so much. It will take some trying to figure out what exactly works for us.

My sister (the teacher) thinks she knows a lot about it, bc she's been pressuring her SIL to put her kids into public school, and is apalled by how little her SIL is doing herself (SIL is a single mom with 4 kids, at least one with some developmental delays I think, and works out of her home doing tutoring, etc) Considering my sister herself was homeschooled, you think she'd be more open minded. GAH.

Lots of parades to go to this weekend! I'm excited, the kids love parades.

MW: do they still do the Flotilla? we loved going to that when we were there, or I think there is another in Swansboro on the water at night.

EM: glad you all are ok!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Oh EM - HUGS!! How stressfull. That is a lot to have going on! And OMG about the baby sleeping in the house. I did that once with a rental car. Nora was in the car (as an infant) sleeping and I had a rental b/c my car was in the shop. I left it running with the heat on to go grab something from the house and when I came back it had locked! I pulled on every handle, etc and nearly panicked, ran to get DH, and he came out and thankfully who knows what happened, something electric miraculously happened and it unlocked. Phew. I was in tears!

So hugs! How did you manage to get back in the house?

AFM - Not much new. Heading out to the mall in a bit with just Finn to meet my friend for some xmas shopping.

Need to clean the house, really bad. It's kinda gross.

Oh - temp still low for post o. But...if I am going based on temps (which are reliable. I'm getting good sleep and temping at the same time daily) it really does look like I had a shift. Idk. CM is still creamy and abundant so it doesn't seem to line up. I'm going to just keep track of days and see whats what. No taking chances w/o protection tho b/c I'm not convinced I'm safe.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie ~ It does look like a possible shift, but as always, when in doubt act as if you have not Oed.

I was wrong about none of my boys ever going to sleep with dh. Kellen was doing that every night for several weeks just a little while ago. He would get tired and go to bed earlier with dh but he's 5+ years old. He stopped doing that recently. I don't know why. Dylan sometimes falls asleep while dh is holding him. He did last night by accident. That made bedtime horrible. He didn't have a diaper on and he woke up when dh put one on him. Then he would not settle back down. I was so tired that I went to bed at 10:30 but Dylan was literally crying and screaming in the bed until at least 11:30. DH tried getting up with him at one point but he still wouldn't stop crying. He is definitely in full toddler tantrum mode. I'm never doing that again.

Oh, and they do say that they love me and not dh. I think it's a boy thing. Ethan has said he can't love Daddy because he's a boy.

EM ~ How did you get back in the house? I locked Ryan in the car once when he was a baby. It was very scary!

Kat ~ You've got plenty of time, I'd think. The youngest age for compulsory school that I have ever heard of is 5. Virginia required that, I think. But, now that I'm talking about it, maybe not because I remember something about not having to do kindergarten. In NC, the compulsory school age is only 7 to 16. Honestly, if you just continue on with your normal life and including your children in it you won't need to do anything else. They will learn.

I think they do do that flotilla thing somewhere. We don't go. I avoid things like that that draw crowds. I get very close to having panic attacks in crowds. I can handle them better if dh is with me but it's still very difficult. I took the boys to TRU yesterday to set up wish lists. I don't know why I didn't think of that before now considering every year everyone asks what the boys want for Christmas and their birthdays. I only got two things on their for Dylan, though. There really is nothing that we don't already have for him. Anyway, we were there for maybe an hour and a half and I suddenly just had to get out of there. It was relatively crowded because it was payday and Christmas time. I couldn't take it anymore.

Lauri ~ Where are you?


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

I know if we were full fledged unschooling I don't really need to do anything. But I don't know that path is for us yet; I have friends that start preschool age doing some things at home (and this is true really whether or not they homeschool) and I don't think it's a bad idea - I want to get some ideas on learning through play, etc, as that is all that's needed at this age anyway. Plus I need to read to deflect the idiotic comments bound to come my way from my sister. She drives me crazy.

I love being out of the house and don't mind crowds, so we go to everything we possibly can  Now, I do not like chaos, but busyness I can handle.

Christmas shopping is nearly done. I just need to get a couple gift cards next payday, and that's it. The kids are getting 3 gifts each from us, my parents are doing i have no idea how many, probably 2 or 3 a piece for them, and the IL's are doing 2 each and the stockings. I think that's reasonable without being insane. Adults generally get one gift each, or jointly per couple, as the case may be. I need to do Christmas cards this weekend sometime, and work on photobooks. *sigh*

Carrie - yes, def protection until you are sure. the cycle I concieved this time, I *thought* we were safely post O . . . not so much, LOL.


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## EuroMama (Dec 10, 2010)

How I got in?

I was locked in the yard. and  was getting my laundry, just as I shut the back door, when I tried to get back in the security latched had locked itself because the spring in it broke so it was loose and with me shutting the door it had locked! All our fences were locked with a padlock, key inside. So I kept kicking the door, trying to break the security latch that had locked on me. I couldn't get it to break and I screamed for my neighbours because I couldn't get over my tall fence.

One of my neighbours heard me, gave me his phone over the fence, and I called my husband. Just as he drove up, I kicked the backdoor in enough for the lock to break got in just as my husband was walking in! Wanna hear the thing that made me mad? This tree trimmer dude was outside by my gate, he saw me standing on a chair as I was screaming, I asked him for his phone, and he looked at me, saw I was clearly upset and told him my baby is locked inside, he looked at me and walked away. He was the only one outside at that time, before my neighbours came outside to see what was going on. He just walked away. At that point I screamed, I have never wanted to punch someone so bad.

I was so scared. I could picture eddie getting off my bed, getting into something that could hurt him etc.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

EM, oh man, I would have lost it on that guy. Seriously, WTF? Glad you got back in the house though.

I'm here, mostly just reading along. Since I work in retail, and a call center at that, we are now in our super busy time. Not much down time at work like normal. I'm a little overwhelmed with life right now. Work is stressful, my house is destroyed but I'm never here without Ava to really get anything done and there's no money for christmas. Well, revise that. I'm working two nanny jobs before christmas so that will give me about $200 so instead of paying bills, I can use that to somehow pull christmas for five kids out of my butt. *Sigh* And the biggest thing is Ava has her 6 month cardiology appt in 2 weeks and I am really getting stressed about that. I never know how those appts are going to go. So yeah. Blech.

DSS17 is in a parade tomorrow so we'll go to that. Hope it's not too cold!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *akind1*
> 
> Christmas shopping is nearly done. I just need to get a couple gift cards next payday, and that's it. The kids are getting 3 gifts each from us, my parents are doing i have no idea how many, probably 2 or 3 a piece for them, and the IL's are doing 2 each and the stockings. I think that's reasonable without being insane. Adults generally get one gift each, or jointly per couple, as the case may be. I need to do Christmas cards this weekend sometime, and work on photobooks. *sigh*
> 
> Carrie - yes, def protection until you are sure. the cycle I concieved this time, I *thought* we were safely post O . . . not so much, LOL.


Yay for being done with shopping! I need to get something for Finn. I have no idea what to get him, b/c we have most of the major things you'd get a 1 year old. We have a trike, we have a power wheels, we have tons and tons of toys. I think I'm going to pick up some toy animal figures (he likes to make dinosaurs roar, and march around the toy horse we have yelling NAYYY, so I think I might get him a few more of those) and maybe...idk. Idk at all. I gave MIL some ideas, but nothing major - mostly items they will share like a TBall set and one fisher price table thing.

Nora tho I think I'm good. Jewelery, some knee/wrist pads for her bike/scooter/skates/, books, the Tball will mostly be for her (she brought it up). I know I have more but I can't think of it now...

Kat - Don't worry I will not be taking chances! DH and i need so badly to get on the same page, we will be lucky if anything even HAPPENS again for a couple weeks. Smh.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *EuroMama*
> 
> How I got in?
> 
> ...


OMG. Did he not speak english or something? Smh.









Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> I'm a little overwhelmed with life right now. Work is stressful, my house is destroyed but I'm never here without Ava to really get anything done and there's no money for christmas.












Sending some peaceful vibes your way. Wine! Just medicate with lots of wine. All will be ok. I'll keep Ava in my thoughts WRT her appointment.

AFM - couldn't find santa hats for the kids anywhere. Totally bummed. I wanted them for their portraits but it doesn't look like that will happen!

Big deal - Finn transferred from the car asleep to bed w/o waking or needing to nurse! First time ever! So cool. Such a big boy now.

We are going to hopefully finish up doing the tree tonight and start working on the paper chain for our christmas countdown! I can't believe tmw is Dec 1 already! Love holiday season!


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Wow, EM, that is crazy! I can't believe that one guy just walked away. Maybe it's like Carrie suggested and he didn't understand. Otherwise, why would you do that?

Annie ~ I thought you might be really busy at work. Ava has done really well at all of her last appointments, right? No problems so there's no reason to think there would be anything now. Hang in there.

Nothing really going on here. DH might go to Virginia for the weekend for a retirement party. I'll stay home with the kids because I'm not driving to VA in the middle of the night with all of these kids.


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## akind1 (Jul 16, 2009)

Annie/Lauri - I understand money being tight - the kids aren't gettin a big "santa" gift this year bc 1) no money for it and 2) I can't think of what to get them, and I'm not getting them stuff just to get them stuff.

Here is what they are getting: Gabe - a radio flyer 3 wheeled scooter (bought on consignment for $15!), a helmet, the imaginext space rocket thingy ($20 door buster at walmart!) and from Nana, a dinosaur and an RC helicopter. Norah - a doll, play silks, books and a mini pillow pal (the last are boxed together) - Nana is getting her more books.

For Finn: books? toy tools? In having one boy and one girl, I take this opportunity to buy slightly more gender specific toys, even though they both will end up playing with them (kind of with that in mind, actually).

I got the tree up, but waiting on DH to decorate. I don't want to leave him out.

EM - maybe. and some men are skittish about helping women, like they might get in trouble or something.


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Thanks everyone. Just a rough week all around. Ava was fine at her last appt in June so she should be fine this time. But the reality is that Ava's heart will never be "normal" and there will be an appointment when we hear that we need to do another surgery. The hope is that it won't be for many years, at least 8 more. But, you never know.

Baby_Cakes, did you look at the Dollar Tree for santa hats? Mine has them right now.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Ugh guys! I realized today Nora has outgrown her carseat. She's 2 or so inches too tall for it! She doesn't weigh enough to convert it to a booster. :-( So. We are going to switch Finn's FF and put her in that one, and try to fit her seat RF. It didn't fit RF in our car last time we tried, but we'll attempt it again for the short term. I think we will ultimately buy Finn a new seat. Any recs? I want one that RF to 40 lbs. Maybe a Marathon 70?


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Annie ~ Ava always seems so well that I forget this is still an ongoing thing. I'm sorry.

Carrie ~ I don't know. I can tell you what we use. We have 2 Britax Boulevards that we use RF as long as possible (I can never remember the limit but it's pretty high), a Britax Frontier that Kellen is now in but still using the 5-point harness in the van and a Graco 3-in-1 convertible that he uses in dh's truck and a Graco Highback Turbo Booster that Ethan uses still with the back. Both Ethan and Kellen were in the Boulevards until at least 3.5 years because that was when we needed them for the next baby.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Yup - looking at both the Marathon and the Boulevard. They aren't inexpensive tho. It's so hard to spend so much when you aren't sure if you'll be using it again....

Chris is actually going to try to just clean up the First Years True Fit we have in the basement. Nothing wrong with it, just a mouse (ew, I know) chewed thru the cover. That shouldn't cause any issues, right?


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I know, I forget about her heart sometimes too but then she'll have days where she sounds like she's out of breath from just walking around and playing and then I start worrying again. Increased muscle thickness in the right ventricle is part of her defect and then the lack of pulmonary valve is going to gradually make it thicker and larger. And then, surgery.

I'd probably try to use the TF. What seat didn't work RF before? And what about a Graco Argos in a GN pattern? Nora can use it then pass it along to Finn when Nora is ready to go to a Turbobooster?


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> I know, I forget about her heart sometimes too but then she'll have days where she sounds like she's out of breath from just walking around and playing and then I start worrying again. Increased muscle thickness in the right ventricle is part of her defect and then the lack of pulmonary valve is going to gradually make it thicker and larger. And then, surgery.
> I'd probably try to use the TF. What seat didn't work RF before? And what about a Graco Argos in a GN pattern? Nora can use it then pass it along to Finn when Nora is ready to go to a Turbobooster?


Oh hugs to Ava and to you! <3 She is a fighter. Tough thru and thru!

The Alpha Omega Elite is what Nora is in now, which we orginially got for Finn. We tried to install it RF and it just Would Not Fit. Not even with the front seat all the way up (which isn't practical). So we just swapped them.
The only drawback is that the True Fit only RF to 35 lbs and Finn is already 30 lbs and a few oz. So. I want him RF as long as possible!

We could do something like the Argos or just the 3 in 1 for now...but will Nora be ready for a booster when Finn needs the 3 in 1? He's gaining on her quickly.

Love carseat discussions. Love 'em!


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Hold the phone!

Another site says the max height on her seat is 43"!! I have another inch! I don't need to panic yet!

Apparently there are two brands - cosco and safety 1st - which both make seats called alpha omega elite. Why does it have to be confusing??


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

Wait, how has she outgrown that seat? Are her shoulders above the highest strap setting? I looked in the manual and it doesn't say but most carseats are ok until a kid's ears are above the top of the seat. FFing that is.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Her head is above the top of the seat. She told me in the car today. "Mom, see? I don't need a carseat anymore b/c my head is over the top." I didn't know if that meant she had outgrown it, I needed to come online and look up the specs. She still has an inch! I'm ok with an inch! Phew!

The Specs tab on this site tells you the height requirements, etc.

http://safety1st.djgusa.com/en/djgusa/alpha-omega-eliter-trade%3B-convertible-car-seat-22456tri--1


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

I'd post on the car-seat.org boards and ask if she's good until the tops of her ears clear the top of the seat or until her shoulders are above the top strap setting. Those height maximums can be deceiving if you have a kid say like mine with a long torso and short legs.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *AnnieA*
> 
> I'd post on the car-seat.org boards and ask if she's good until the tops of her ears clear the top of the seat or until her shoulders are above the top strap setting. Those height maximums can be deceiving if you have a kid say like mine with a long torso and short legs.


That's a good point! Will do.


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## onetwoten (Aug 13, 2007)

My local carseat tech always says that FFing, the back of the seat should be no lower than their ears, and the harness straps need to be above shoulders, all like lauri said. This is irregardless of the overall height. Sounds like you might be right and she's outgrown it.

We've got a myride65 and I really like it, I don't think we have the Argos here yet though. The mr65 RFes to 40lbs, then ff to 65. And it's usually only around $150 I think.

Haven't had a chance to sit down at the computer and type a good post. Maybe tomorrow?

Lauri-- hugs!!! I really can't imagine how stressful that must be!

I bought the pump. It seems to be in really good condition, though ill still buy new tubing. The valves look like they're new. I did a "test pump " tonight And got 2 and 1oz in maybe 6-7mins , even after just nursing recently.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

Carrie ~ If you don't still have the manual, you should be able to get it from the manufacturer website.

Annie ~ What do they look for at the appointment?

I think I may have actually Oed. No temps but at least 4 days of CF dry up and I'm having cramps. (Thank goodness, they aren't too bad yet.)

http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/coconutsFFChart
My Ovulation Chart


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## AnnieA (Nov 26, 2007)

JJ, that's awesome that you got so much so fast! Super jealous! You can steam the tubing like akind1 said. I put a few drops of rubbing alcohol in them and swing them around my head afterward to get the water out.

MW, her appointments are looooonnnnnggg, at least 2 hrs. They do height/weight, check her O2 level and BP. Then an EKG which is really hard to keep a squiggling baby still long enough to get a clean strip so depending on how feisty Ava is feeling, that can take a while. Then an ECHO (ultrasound) of her heart to check bloodflow and function. I used to be able to handle her by myself for those but since her second surgery, she flips so it takes me and DH both to hold her down and keep her relatively calm. I hate restraining her but if they aren't able to get a good view of her heart, then they have to do a sedated ECHO which involves anesthsia. Then usually a cardiology fellow comes in to examine her and then they come back with her attending cardiologist and he examines her. Whew.

Ava and I missed the parade this morning. She woke up at 5:30 AM, I think from teething pain and hunger. She had motrin and a piece of cheese and then we slept for another 4 hrs. Oh well.


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## MarineWife (May 1, 2004)

December thread: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1369192/december-2012-rockstar-mamas


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