# Pierced Ears



## BabyWang2010 (Nov 24, 2009)

I just found out yesterday that I'm carrying a baby girl. As a mom I can't help but think about everything concerning my baby and one of the things that came to mind was piercing her ears at an early age. I mean if she has it done when she's a few weeks old it will be a couple of pricks like she'll get when she gets her vaccines and then it'll be over with and she won't even remember it. A big reason I wanna get them pierced is that I'm an easily offended person and I'm sure I'll be extra sensitive about my first LO so if I have her out in public and she's got on green or yellow or red (gender neutral) clothing, no one would know she's a girl and ppl have a tendency to go "oh he's so cute". Even though they're being nice I probably still be put out at them assuming she's a he. But if I pierced her ears it's very obvious she's a little girl and not a little boy.

So my question is this: do you think I'm cruel for wanting to pierce her ears at a young age? And for those of you who are having a girl, would you pierce them now, or wait until they're older lik 9 or ten years old and can ask to get them pierced?


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## Youngfrankenstein (Jun 3, 2009)

I know in some cultures "every" baby girl had their ears pierced at birth. My daughter was 2 when we had hers done and I think I'd wait longer for my next dd. It was more difficult to take care of the ears than I thought. The piercing itself wasn't a big deal to her.

I'd say the same about the newborn. There are so many other things going on: getting sleep, establishing nursing, adjusting that ear piercing would not be on my radar at that point. As for being offended....I just dont' see why someone you don't know thinking your baby is a boy for a second is a big dea.


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

I totally support a person's right to body modification -- when they chose. We will wait until 1) DD asks and 2) she is old enough to manage or at least deal with the follow up care.

FWIW, it is only until about 6 months that all babies look like just genderless babies. If you are really worried about it, just dress her in a pink hair clip. No reason to subject her to needless pain, the risk of infection (which is higher with a piercing gun than hollow needles), and the loss of choice about her own body.


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## BabyWang2010 (Nov 24, 2009)

It's the principal. I don't care about them thinking she's a he as much as the stupidity of the person for labeling my baby as one gender or the other when they are a stranger and don't know either way. Which is why when I see a strangers baby out and I want to ooohh and aaahh over it I'll start out with "oh your baby (or your little one) is so cute what's their name.". People that just assume things without knowing annoys me. It's one of my pet peeves. So that's why assuming that a baby is automatically a male or female bothers me.


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## umsami (Dec 1, 2003)

In my DH's culture, pretty much all baby girls have their ears pierced at birth. We didn't do it. I actually wanted to wait until she was older... figured it would be a nice treat. I remember getting mine pierced at 13 before I went to my first concert (the GoGos/INXS







). It was very cool.


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## velveeta (May 30, 2002)

I also wouldn't do it. Forget what people say. If it bothers you that much, you can get some of those bow headbands or so. Or a pink sling.


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## xixstar (Aug 15, 2007)

I leave any modifications to their body up to the person that does or doesn't want them. I have a teen daughter that would hate it if her ears were pierced and plans to never have it done. That's a choice I don't want to take away from my child, so I'd wait until she has an opinion about it (usually at least age 12 for my family).

As for people mistaking the gender.. it'll happen. Regardless of what she is wearing or if she has something on her ears or not. I remember my daughter being 2 years old, out in a party dress with pink sheer ruffles, and someone telling me what a cute boy she was.


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## LittleLegos (May 10, 2004)

I wanted to respond and let you know even if your baby is dressed in pink from head to toe, people may still admired your "little boy." It's just the way some people are.

I offered to pierce my dd's ears when she was ready. She liked the idea at a pretty young age, but didn't like the idea that it would hurt. She finally worked up the courage just before 5 years old. She was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't so bad.







She was really proud that she did it and didn't cry or anything. I agree it's important to think of the aftercare. Even with an older child, I often would forget. She would remind me though and was pretty responsible.

Good luck with your decision.


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## rere (Apr 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BabyWang2010* 
It's the principal. I don't care about them thinking she's a he as much as the stupidity of the person for labeling my baby as one gender or the other when they are a stranger and don't know either way. Which is why when I see a strangers baby out and I want to ooohh and aaahh over it I'll start out with "oh your baby (or your little one) is so cute what's their name.". People that just assume things without knowing annoys me. It's one of my pet peeves. So that's why assuming that a baby is automatically a male or female bothers me.

If assumptions bother you,you probably shouldn't assume that your daughter will want pierced ears.


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## Amila (Apr 4, 2006)

MY MIL begged me to pierce DD's ears when she was a baby, but I think of it in the same vein as circumcision as well, though obviously at the other end of spectrum. I don't think it is fair to modify your child's body unless they choose, and are aware of the pain involved, no matter how minimal.

My daughter is 3.5 and just decided a few weeks ago that she was ready. She understood the procedure, and the consequences. It was such a treat and a fun day! She now has a "big girl" certificate on her wall with a picture of her and her new earrings. I would wait, personally.


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## jocelyndale (Aug 28, 2006)

A reputable piercer with clean equipment will not modify the body of an infant.


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

I'd wait till she's older. Just invest in some of those headbands that wrap around her head with the bow thing. And, FWIW, no matter what you do, people will say "what a cute little boy" because they just don't think/look/possess brain cells. You could put her in a dress every day and it won't make a difference
Congrats!

ETA- my 10 yr old has decided she wants hers done so I asked her pediatrician yesterday where she would recommend because I'd rather not have it done by some random 16 yr old with a gun that hasn't been cleaned in God knows how long and she said they can do it there. So I feel better knowing that it will be done right and by someone she and I trust


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## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jocelyndale* 
A reputable piercer with clean equipment will not modify the body of an infant.











There are plenty of threads about this here. _If_ you get them done at a shop that pierces infants, they'll use the gun. A gun can cause scar tissue. It can also pierce at an angle, or the two holes can be at different spots on the ears. It might have to be corrected later. It can cause infection. For those reasons alone, I've chosen to wait until my children are old enough to ask for it, take care of it, and get it done in a reputable shop. I also agree that body modification should be the choice of the person living in that body.


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## lisko15 (Sep 26, 2008)

Its totally your decision, being the Mom.

However, my XH did get my DD's done whenever you are allowed at a regular mall-type jewelry store that does piercing - 6 weeks, 2 months or 4 months maybe? I told him I wouldn't do it, so he took her.

They really didn't seem to phase her. Cleaning and turning was a little tricky, but doable.

However, once it was okay to take out the piercing studs, and I did, which I replaced with very nice 14K gold studs, she got a horrible infection. I continued to clean and try to keep them open for a few months, but it would always come back, crusty, bleeding, oozing and smelly. Our only option were probably very small continuous 14K gold hoops, but I didn't think I could get them into her ears at that stage (they're hard to get in your own ears, much less a wiggly baby girl!). Eventually I just let them close up.

Now we've left it that she'll chose when to get them re-pierced. She talks about it a lot... but hasn't gotten the "guts" up yet (she'll shortly be 7).

Because of my experience with DD, I am not a fan of infant/toddler piercing, but to each its own.

As for people saying "how cute your little boy is"... maybe always have her wear a hat, a shirt or a bib that says "I'm a girl".


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## readermaid (Jan 12, 2009)

I got my DD's ears pierced when she was around 4 months old. It's a family thing, and I didn't really give it much thought. It really wasn't a big deal for her. She cried for a minute. We comforted her, and that was that. But, to be honest, I wouldn't do it again. It just didn't feel right once I did it. I don't judge other people's decision on this at all. But if we ever have another girl, she'll be waiting until she's older.

Also to the OP, since you said you are easily offended, if you do get your DD's ears pierced as a baby, by prepared for people to comment negatively on it. My DD is two now, and we still get people remarking on her earrings. Lots and lots of people are very against it, and they aren't afraid to be rude. I'm the sort of person who just shrugs that sort of thing off, but no everyone is.


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## JorgieGirl (May 13, 2006)

I would never modify any human being's body if they couldn't consent. It's a human rights issue.

Another more personal reason is because I was 6 when I had mine pierced. My ears weren't fully developed and my holes are now in very awkward places which cause me to never wear earrings. Instead I now have holes in my ears that look ridiculous and empty.

My daughters will be waiting until at least 12 or 13 before I will allow it, for that reason.

If people think your baby is a boy, tell them she's not. A hell of a lot less work and money than piercing and caring for an infant's body modification.


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## cocoanib (May 14, 2009)

I'm having a girl and won't be putting any unecessary holes in her body.
I will wait until she is old enough to understand and wants to do it. If she doesn't ever want them, then she won't have to get them.
This is coming from someone with multiple holes in her body. I love peircings, but think they should be optional for everyone.


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## 7swans (Nov 5, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cocoanib* 
I'm having a girl and won't be putting any unecessary holes in her body.
I will wait until she is old enough to understand and wants to do it. If she doesn't ever want them, then she won't have to get them.
This is coming from someone with multiple holes in her body. I love peircings, but think they should be optional for everyone.











Also, as some PPs have mentioned, a needle is much better than a piercing gun. You can find a pretty informative article here: http://tattoo.about.com/cs/psafety/a/piercing_guns.htm


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

I didn't have any problems with ppl assuming my baby girl was a boy even though she was often in gender-neutral or even very much boy clothing. I didn't have her ears pierced until the summer before she started school. And I'm glad we waited so long. DD had bad cradle c(r)ap as well as neurodermitis as an infant and was scratching herself raw. The last thing I would have needed was an infant ripping her earrings out as well.


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## Ambystoma (Mar 26, 2009)

If you do decide to do it-watch for infection and allergy. I had mine pierced at 2 and it took forever to heal due to infection, etc. Turns out I have a nickel allergy, which still keeps me from wearing most costume jewelry. They have studs that are 14k gold, or nickel-free which should help.

FWIW, I wouldn't do it until she asked for it. But, I know lots of members of my family have, and I didn't judge them or anything. I just think it would be a fun treat when she's a few years old. I apparently asked for piercing for months when I was 2 until my mom relinquished. I don't remember it, but we have pictures and it was a fun bonding activity for us.


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## MaerynPearl (Jun 21, 2008)

DD got hers pierced this year for Christmas... shes 4 1/2 and learned what it entailed beforehand. She took VERY good care of them and is now able to change them whenever she wants (but doesn't want to because they are pretty pink jewels lol)

She wanted it done at age 2 but I knew then she did not understand the idea of having a hole put through your ear... so I did not do it then.

I would never do it before the child is old enough to understand what it entails and STILL want it. Too young runs the risk of them pulling them out and possibly even ending up eating them (seen that happen...) it does not hurt them any to wait until they are older. If they want to play dress up with earrings before they are older, there are some nice clip ons or press ons that dont hurt any.


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## rootzdawta (May 22, 2005)

I've struggled with this one. As it turns out, I won't be having any girls but nonetheless I've thought about it a lot.

My parents didn't let me get my ears pierced. I had to sneak and get it done when I was 18. And then I went piercing crazy. As a girl, I wished so hard to have pierced ears. Even lied about it to people who asked why I didn't (I would say I did but they were just too tiny to see--I remember that as my first lie). So while I don't believe in changing any one's body against their will, a part of me definitely would want a girl child of mine to have her ears pierced and pierced early because of my experiences.

But I honestly believe, it's not my decision to make. Really it's not. It's quite possible that your daughter may not _want_ her ears pierced even if everyone around her has them pierced. She may not want to go through the pain of getting them pierced and may be perfectly happy with clip-ons. They have such cute styles now too. Also, pain is pain is pain. An infant can't tell you how much pain she's in. No, she won't remember the pain but she will still experience it. And unlike my parents, if my daughter expressed a desire to have them pierced, we'd talk about in detail and I'd get it done by a professional.

And trust me . . . people confuse baby sex all the time. My sons could be dressed head to toe in boy clothes that say, "Daddy's All-Time Slugger" or something super boyish and people will _still_ say, "Oh, what cute little girls". Huh? I don't think it's anything to get offended about. I just gently correct them and say that they are boys.

The choice really should be up to your daughter.


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## MaerynPearl (Jun 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
And trust me . . . people confuse baby sex all the time. My sons could be dressed head to toe in boy clothes that say, "Daddy's All-Time Slugger" or something super boyish and people will _still_ say, "Oh, what cute little girls". Huh? I don't think it's anything to get offended about. I just gently correct them and say that they are boys.

This is why we ended up getting DSs first haircut at 3 months... it was either get it cut into a boyish cut or start using barrettes to keep his hair out of his eyes and have everyone convinced we were dressing up our girl in boy clothes lol.


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## jennica (Aug 10, 2005)

The thing is, everyone will still say, "what a cute little boy" even if you pierce her ears, dress her in head to toe pink, and flash a huge neon sign over her head that says, "I'm a girl". People just don't think, they just say whatever comes into their head. Until just a few months ago, Ds who is 4 and a half liked to wear his hair long. He could be dressed in hiking boots, jeans with a belt, a sports t-shirt and a dark blue flannel, and people would still say to me, "oh what a cute little girl". I didn't force Ds to shave his head, I just ignored people's gender assumptions. As a parent you are going to have learn to have a thicker skin.


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jennica* 
As a parent you are going to have learn to have a thicker skin.

That. And putting a bow on her head will be more obvious and less permanent, if you actually want to advertise "girl."

My eldest just got her ears pierced at 10. I figured she's old enough to understand the potential consequences, care for her ears, let me know if there are issues, etc.

I had a pretty bad infection after my second set of piercings and don't wear earrings at all now even though the holes are still intact. It didn't look very dramatic at all - you could have barely identified a problem - but it hurt SO BAD, and I can't imagine thinking my daughter's ears were "a little irritated" and having her feel like I did.


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## Mama Mko (Jul 26, 2007)

I would not pierce an infant's ears. I would wait until they're old enough to want it done and when they are able to take care of them properly.


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## kitteh (Jun 25, 2009)

My MIL was pretty upset when she found out that we won't be piercing our little girl's ears. My husband is Chilean and in Chile all little baby girls get their ears pierced right away, it's just a cultural thing, but I could never imagine doing Ela's ears. Not only am I against it because of the points that other posters made re: body modification and the baby's personal choice, I also think that waiting is a great opportunity to teach independence and responsibility. Getting my ears pierced at 7 years old was like a rite of passage for me and I remember feeling like I was really a big girl now. But the privilege of the earrings came with the responsibility of keeping them clean and well cared for, and I knew before I was allowed to get them that I would also be expected to care for them. I think it was a great learning opportunity, and I plan to do the same with my daughter.


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## BabyWang2010 (Nov 24, 2009)

Wow, this thread really took off. That said I never said I'm for sure getting her ears pierced thus the reason for asking opinions on the matter. I agree with it being a personal decision therefore I won't be piercing her ears. Also the gender factor wasn't the only reason I CONSIDERED piercing her ears. I still remember the prick and burning sensation of getting my ears pierced but I'd my parents had of done it when I was an infant I know I would not remember it. On the other hand as a parent I don't want my baby to be in pain because of a decision I made for her. Which is why I restled with doing it or not doing it.

I'm sure I will get remarks about her gender despite what I do but I will try to eliminate that confusion as much as possible with pink stuff because unlike most new moms my baby will not look that much like me since she is half Asian so I will have to not only deal with is she a boy but also with is she yours is she adopted, etc. So I was just trying to eliminate gender confusion on top of everything else but ppl don't think before they speak so my efforts will be in vain rather she has pierced ears or not. So I'm not going to do it.


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

OP, I hope you don't feel attacked.

I did want to let you know that recent research has shown that although infants do not conciously remember pain, experiencing that pain does cause neurological changes.


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## kittywitty (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LittleLegos* 
I wanted to respond and let you know even if your baby is dressed in pink from head to toe, people may still admired your "little boy." It's just the way some people are.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *jocelyndale* 
A reputable piercer with clean equipment will not modify the body of an infant.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaB21* 









There are plenty of threads about this here. _If_ you get them done at a shop that pierces infants, they'll use the gun. A gun can cause scar tissue. It can also pierce at an angle, or the two holes can be at different spots on the ears. It might have to be corrected later. It can cause infection. For those reasons alone, I've chosen to wait until my children are old enough to ask for it, take care of it, and get it done in a reputable shop. I also agree that body modification should be the choice of the person living in that body.











I have three girls and one boy. People *always* call my girls boys and my boys girls. I don't get it but I'd never put holes in them to prove a point-especially with so many boys with piercings nowadays. You could have a neon flashing sign on their heads that says "GIRL" and some people still wouldn't get it.

I am so glad you changed your mind about it. My mom did it to me and it's just awful. My oldest was 8 when she had her ears pierced by her choice and it was a big deal and a mom-daughter thing. I would never trade that for forcing an infant to be held and have holes put in them against their will for cosmetic reasons.


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## sheriwx (Nov 8, 2009)

I wouldn't do it. My daughter can choose that for herself when she is older. That said, I don't think it's a huge deal.

You should be aware though, that having a baby's ears pierced will NOT stop the "Oh, he's so cute" comments. Some people just don't look for gender indications on a baby before using their own choice of pronoun. Believe me, I've had two. And if it's so important that you have glaring gender indications, why not just make sure you keep a bow in her hair. Most people will notice a bow WAY before they would notice something as inconspicious as pierced ears.


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## Melly24 (Mar 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BabyWang2010* 
So my question is this: do you think I'm cruel for wanting to pierce her ears at a young age?

Yes. Just because she won't remember pain doesn't mean she won't experience any. Imagine nursing afterwards - lying on a newly pierced ear hurts. So its not just the initial piercing causing pain.


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## MammaB21 (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Melly24* 
Yes. Just because she won't remember pain doesn't mean she won't experience any. Imagine nursing afterwards - lying on a newly pierced ear hurts. So its not just the initial piercing causing pain.

I don't think the OP _is_ cruel. I can understand the allure to it. But your right that infants do feel pain even if they don't remember it.

To the OP: obviously you came here for advice and opinions because you were unsure. You were concerned enough to ask the questions needed to come to the right decision for you and your baby. So bravo to you for seeking out the answers. I'm glad to hear you've decided not to do it. I'm sure your daughter will be happy with your decision


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## outlier (Sep 29, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BabyWang2010* 
So I'm not going to do it.

OP, I applaud your decision, and I too hope you didn't feel attacked. As a 29 year old female who has never had or wanted pierced ears in my life, I am grateful to my parents that they left the decision up to me. I like my no-maintenance bare earlobes just the way they are!


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## dannic (Jun 14, 2005)

I'm not into young piercings, but it's mostly for other reasons...just like with food, their immune systems are growing and can have a negative response to metals. I am allergic to metals that began after getting my ears pierced. I couldn't wear my wedding ring for two years







afterwards. I can tolerate my wedding ring now if I never wear earrings and don't keep the ring on continuously. From my understanding, the younger the person, the greater chance of metals allergies. Just a heads up!


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## Theia (Oct 30, 2007)

My DD's father is from a culture where ears are usually pierced as infants. Thank goodness he never really made it an issue. I'm all for DD deciding if and when she wants to do it. I think it is not right to assume that because a child is a girl that she will want to have pierced ears. I know pierced ears on girls/women is a majority thing. But it should still be their choice. TBH, I kinda find earrings on an infant overdone. It's like they are so amazingly beautiful as is, that the earrings just seem like way too much. Kinda like an adult wearing all of our jewelry at once. But that's just my opinion.









When DD was about 6 months old we were in an airport, I was wearing her in a brightly colored but gender neutral wrap, and she was wearing a purple outfit. I stopped at a kiosk to get a something to drink and the guy in line behind me started a conversation about "What a handsome little guy" I had. I gently informed him that the little guy was a little girl. So he replied, "But she looks like a guy." I responded that since I had just completed a diaper change within the last hour that DD was Definitely a girl.







I was annoyed. But part of me thought that he was just trying to be annoying. DD has always had a feminine look as far as my biased judgement can tell. DD is 2 now, and that is the only time I have ever had anyone think that she was a he. I can live with that.









eta: I had some of the same ethnic concerns also. But as it turns out, no one has ever wondered if I was DD's mother.


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## MamaMonica (Sep 22, 2002)

Moved to Parenting from I'm Pregnant.


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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

I had mine done at 10y and my second holes at 12y. If I had a daughter I would wait until she asked about them...maybe she would never ask about wanting them. I would not do a baby's especially for the reason of wanting people to know she is a girl (put a headband bow on her...or don't do gender neutral colours) jmo. Oh yeah and if you are sensitive to comments....then be prepared for "oh my, why did you pierce her ears? She's just a baby"


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## Lucy Alden (Jun 15, 2009)

Since you're concerned about people mistaking her for a boy maybe you should dress her in head-to-toe boy clothes. That's a sure fire way to get people to comment on your cute little girl!


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

I wouldn't get them pierced as an infant. First off how are you considering getting it done? With the gun at some mall jewelry place? Those guns can not be autoclaved and as such are not sterile. No way would I ever get pierced with one. She can get her ears pierced when she is old enough to decide and mature enough to care for them during healing. My daughter just got hers done at the age of 20 at a professional piercing studio with sterile equipment.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Pierced ears are a chocking hazard and they can get easily infected. I think you should wait until your child is old enough to decide for herself. My dd was sure she wanted pierced ears when she was six. She thought about it for a year and decided for sure that she wanted to do it even though it hurt. It is annoying when people mistake your child for a different gender, but that is the least annoying thing that is going to happen to you as a parent. Practice your deep breathes now, or whatever else you do to keep calm when annoyed by people questioning you, because you will need them while you face a steady stream of criticism from strangers and family in the first few years as they try to give you the knowledge they believe you need to be a good parent. You will most likely learn to develop a thick skin quickly as a parent. I don't think that wanting to not have to worry about a stranger thinking your child is a boy is a good reason to poke holes in your child and risk infections in a newborn with very little immunity to infections and diseases in general. I think that whatever decision you make is fine for your family, but it won't stop people from questioning your to your face. It may even make it worse if you live somewhere where piercing babies ears isn't common.


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## Veritaserum (Apr 24, 2004)

I have five daughters and only one has her ears pierced. Dh and I felt that it should be _her_ choice (since it is her body). When our dd begged for over a year to get her ears pierced, we said that she could. She was 4.5 years old and didn't flinch a bit when she got them done. She's almost 8 now and loves having pierced ears. I'm glad we let our daughters choose for themselves. My oldest is almost 10 and she doesn't want pierced ears. I like that she can change her mind if she wants rather than having to live with a cosmetic alteration of her body chosen by her parents.


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

I'm not against it but if we have a girl not sure I will do it till she is older for the reason it was a big deal for me to get mine done at 6. But if it strikes me to do it when she is a baby then I will have it done.


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## doulatara (Jun 20, 2006)

I am of the mind to let the child choose if they want it, but I have heard that some doctors will do it safely for infants if you want it done, (I do not have personal experience on this, but maybe you could ask if you are interested.) My daughter started asking at five, I allowed it at six. She just got her second ear piercings done yesterday at age ten and a half.


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## mntnmom (Sep 21, 2006)

It's a personal thing for me. I have multiple piercings and tattoos, but I want ALL my kids to be able to choose any cosmetic alterations to their bodies.
I've been around a lot of hispanic and Italian families who do it basically at birth. It doesn't seem to cause any problems. If I was determined to have it done, I would do it before she was big enough to pull on them.
We're waiting until she is old enough to want it done and care for them herself. I had a couple people compliment me on my handsome boy. It's annoying, but if they're dumb enough to not notice the purple ruffles, I'm not going to modify MY baby, so they won't be confused.
Congrats though, girls are SO much fun!


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## ollyoxenfree (Jun 11, 2009)

OP, you've had a lot of posts about the pros and cons of piercing an infant's ears, so I don't really want to get into that debate. I mean this as gently as possible - I would ask you to examine closely your motivations and reactions and solutions to a perceived problem.

YOU are easily offended, so your first reaction is to permanently alter YOUR DAUGHTER'S appearance.

I want my children to love their bodies and accept their appearance. Changing their appearance, on the basis of what other people say or think, is just not something I want them to do EVER - so why would I start doing it TO them as infants?

Again, meaning this gently, perhaps if you have a problem, you should look within first for the solution.

People are going to say silly, rude, insensitive, nosy, bossy, provocative, outrageous, embarrassing things to you - especially about parenting and about your children. You can't really control what they say or do. You can only control your own emotions and reactions. You can let it bother you - or you can ignore it if it's silly/inapplicable/irrelevant, or even accept it, if there's some truth and it's actually helpful.

Looking to change your child, before you try to change yourself, is possibly not the best solution.

Congratulations on your baby girl. I'm sure she will be beautiful.


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## funkymamajoy (May 25, 2008)

My dd does not have piercings and won't for a while. Besides my desire to not add work for myself, I saw a little girl's earring ripped out of her ear while rough housing. I don't want my dd to worry about her jewelry while she plays.

I also have an adult friend whose earrings are now noticeably off-center because of the way her ears grew.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Never. Or more like, has to wait to turn 18.
Maybe, if they can argue their case very, very good when they're like 16 or summat. And also, can pay for it, and take full responsibility. And understand the risks.
My oldest girl doesn't have her ears pierced. Neither do I now, I used to have several piercings, but some years later I developed nickel allergy. My mom and grandmom also has it, so my girls are very likely to get it also. And I explained that to my oldest, and she didn't want piercings then.
And it's hard to come by nickel-free stuff, that's actually nickel free. Even surgical steel who's supposedly nickel-free has 12% nickel. Lots of "nickel-free" juwelry has nickel in it.
I would never, ever pierce a baby. I don't even see the point. It's painful, risky, and the kid might not want it at all. But just the thought of putting the baby through a painful experience like that while "holding them down", and altering their body, is just discusting to me.
The earlier you pierce a child's ears, the higher is the risk of getting a nickel allergy (and for someone that alters their life, can't touch coins, buttons, door knobs etc.).
Infection risk, imagine a toddler in a sandbox, kids can not keep their hands away from their ears. And other kids are also very prone to touch their pierced ears. They should be old enough to be able to leave them alone and understand the risk.
And also old enough to take care of them on their own, piercings do take some care.
You can also mess with acupuncture points, they are not fully developed until much later.
And, if or when you decide to, take them to a piercing studio who actually knows what they are doing. And use clean, one time-needles for each customer. Hairdressers use the guns, and don't even disinfect them between customers. And they are, after all, hairdressers.
Piercing studios have age limits to piercings, for very good reasons. Ear piercings often have a 16 yo. age limit, some have lower (like 12) though, and that is with the consent of a parent. 18 without, and for all other piercings. They do know what they are doing.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lucy Alden* 
Since you're concerned about people mistaking her for a boy maybe you should dress her in head-to-toe boy clothes. That's a sure fire way to get people to comment on your cute little girl!









Yes this!!!

My DS is *constantly* mistaken for a girl. And I can't go out with DD without hearing what a cute baby boy I have. If this is the sort of mistake that offends you, you are going to spend the next five years sandbagged by outrage fatigue.


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## Mamja (May 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *outlier* 
OP, I applaud your decision, and I too hope you didn't feel attacked. As a 29 year old female who has never had or wanted pierced ears in my life, I am grateful to my parents that they left the decision up to me. I like my no-maintenance bare earlobes just the way they are!









YES! I am another non-pierced person. I am glad it is my decision to make.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i have not read all the answers.

the answer here is not simple.

it is a cultural answer.

i see nothing wrong in it. i would have done so with my dd as in my culture it is not seen as piercing. however my ex is from here and his mom wanted me to wait so out of respect i waited for my mil and did it when dd asked for it when she was what 4 or 5.

so i feel this is a total personal choice issue.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

This thread is closed pending moderator review. It will probably not be reopened until later tonight. Please be patient and do not start a new thread.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

I will be reopening this thread in a bit, but would like to share some guidelines.

I have removed all threads comparing ear piercing to circumcision. If you would like to discuss circumcision as it pertains to other forms of body modification, you are welcome to do so in the Circumcision forum. But we have decided that in general discussions, such as this one, we're not going to host comparisons between a hole in the ear lobe and the removal of sensitive sexual tissue. If you need further clarification on this point, please feel free to PM me, as per the UA. Please do NOT discuss it further on this thread.

Secondly, I would ask you to please keep in mind that MDC has a diverse membership. Ear piercing not only has health and parenting issues, but cultural issues as well. From the User Agreement:

Quote:

MDC serves an online community of parents, families, and parent, child and family advocates considering, learning, practicing, and advocating attachment parenting and natural family living. Our discussions concern the real world of mothering and are first and foremost, for support, information, and community. Mothering invites you to read and participate in the discussions. *In doing so we ask that you agree to respect and uphold the integrity of this community. Through your direct or indirect participation here you agree to make a personal effort to maintain a comfortable and respectful atmosphere for our guests and members. Please avoid negative characterizations and generalizations about others to respect the diversity of our online community.*
To that end, please refrain from making negative comments about others' cultures.

Again, feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns.


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## rightkindofme (Apr 14, 2008)

My







is that I am a fairly serious body mod sorta person and I'm not piercing my daughter.







She can do it when she is old enough to take responsibility for it. I'm hecka lazy and creating a wound that I would have to clean just strikes me as an awful lot of work.


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## kcstar (Mar 20, 2009)

I see it as purely a cultural issue.

My father took an anthropology course where the professor specialized in the ways people modify their bodies. So my father opposed any form of body "mutilation". When my sister and I asked to pierce our ears, he'd compare it to a nose piercing.

If we wanted our ears pierced, we had to pay for it ourselves.

My sister finally did get her ears pierced when she was about 12 or so. She soon discovered she had metal allergies, and ended up letting the ears close up. I don't think her ears are pierced anymore, though I could be wrong, She is, however, tattooed.

I finally decided, at about 30 years old, to pierce my ears. In part because I wanted to. In part because it is so very mainstream in modern U.S. culture. In part to symbolize a break from my parents hangups.

I won't pierce my (hypothetical) little girl's ears before she asks for it. But I will consider going with her at some point if/when she really wants to. To me, it seems to be appropriate around puberty, if she wants it.


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## MomOnDaEdge (Nov 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jocelyndale* 
A reputable piercer with clean equipment will not modify the body of an infant.

Yes, with parental consent, they will. And having many "holes" myself, I would MUCH rather have someone other than a 15 year old welding a gun piercing me or mine. Ears on out. The thought of a Claires "trained" teen poking holes in my child's body makes me shudder.



MammaB21 said:


> There are plenty of threads about this here. _If_ you get them done at a shop that pierces infants, they'll use the gun. A gun can cause scar tissue. It can also pierce at an angle, or the two holes can be at different spots on the ears. It might have to be corrected later. It can cause infection.
> 
> Again, don't leave it to 15 year olds at the mall.]
> 
> ...


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MomOnDaEdge* 
Yes, with parental consent, they will..

No, many of them will not. Actually, none that I know of will do that here. Piercing studioes have age limits, and many have as high as 16 even for ear piercings with parental consent. Some have as low as 12. But none under that here.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I would not pierce my daughter's ears without her consent. It's not a choice I would make for my child.


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## Caneel (Jun 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LittleLegos* 
I wanted to respond and let you know even if your baby is dressed in pink from head to toe, people may still admired your "little boy." It's just the way some people are.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *rootzdawta* 
And trust me . . . people confuse baby sex all the time. My sons could be dressed head to toe in boy clothes that say, "Daddy's All-Time Slugger" or something super boyish and people will _still_ say, "Oh, what cute little girls". Huh? I don't think it's anything to get offended about. I just gently correct them and say that they are boys.

Absolutely true!

It is one of other things that amazed me after our DS was born. He looked very boy-ish and is the spitting image of his father. He would be dressed in minature versions of his father's clothing and people would make comments about what a cute little girl he was. A close friend said the same (different gender) would happen to her. She has an absolutely stunning little girl, long flowing hair, super girly, all sparkels, bows and nail polish and people are constantly making comments about her "little boy."


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

I have two boys and up until recently with my 4 year old, people were constantly assuming they were girls. They still do with the younger fella. You might be surprised, it doesn't offend me, it really doesn't bother me. Half the time, I don't bother to correct them, it's not a biggie. It's usually some older person cooing over their cuteness.

I did get confused with the nanny once, in a very affluent neighbourhood, where everyone and their mother has one. That ticked me off. Although I do have a white friend with half Chinese boys, the oldest is a dead ringer for her, the youngest is exactly his father. She hasn't gotten any adoption comments, the father on the other hand has gotten comments.

Anyhow, my point is, that you will probably get a much thicker skin as you have your little one, you're so busy and so engrossed with them, not sweating the small stuff will probably come a lot more naturally. Especially by the time number 2 rolls around.


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## EFmom (Mar 16, 2002)

It is her body. She should be the one to determine whether or not her ears get pierced when she is of an age to make that decision.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

I'm sorry, but I think pierced ears on an infant looks awful. I don't mind jewelry (my DD had a gold bracelet, and later a jade bracelet at a very young age), but there is something about earings that looks wrong, IMO. Now, my DD had her's pierced when she was only 3, and had been begging to get them done for about 6 mos., and I do think they looked okay. But a baby is supposed to be sweet and cute and infant like, and permanent holes in their ears with blingy jewels just doesn't fit. Cultural reasons are not good enough reasons, IMO. There are a lot of bizarre practices that I would/do skip out on b/c they don't fit my own personal beliefs.

oh, and like others, my experience has been that my beautiful, girly looking DD with curls and an all pink DRESS on, was mistaken as a boy by a stranger in public. It might have been a tad annoying at the time, b/c I felt like he didn't even really look at her (I mean, duh!), so how on earth earrings would have not been overlooked, I dunno. Also not good enough reasoning, and heck, many of the males I know have both ears pierced, so they could just as easily assume a baby with pierced ears is in fact a boy. And really, who the heck cares what a stranger thinks about my kid? Anyone close enough to get to know us would surely not mistake my baby's gender.

ETA: I hadn't read through the thread before posting, so I didn't read about not talking bad about one's culture. I really don't mean to offend, I guess I'm just saying _for me_, that's not a good enough reason. I'll edit if the mods request.


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## cristeen (Jan 20, 2007)

Even aside from the body modification question, or the cultural mores question, I know how much of a difficult time I had keeping my own ears clean and uninfected when they were pierced, and I was a teenager. I would NOT want to have to deal with that at the same time as poopy diapers and a baby that tugs on her ears constantly. In fact I had so many infections and my ears refused to heal that eventually I just let all my holes close up. I would not want to risk dealing with the weeping and the pus and all that stuff with an infant - it's painful enough when you're old enough to do it to yourself.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Closed again.


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## User101 (Mar 3, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Drummer's Wife* 

ETA: I hadn't read through the thread before posting, so I didn't read about not talking bad about one's culture. I really don't mean to offend, I guess I'm just saying _for me_, that's not a good enough reason. I'll edit if the mods request.

You're fine.







Saying that you personally would not follow a cultural tradition on this matter is not against the UA.

I'm going to open this one last time, and would like to remind you all again to please respect the fact that MDC has a diverse membership representing many different cultures. Please do NOT use baiting or loaded language when describing another culture's traditions. This includes words like "barbaric" and "abusive". You can certainly explain what about the practice of infant ear piercing you dislike, but please be civil.

As always, feel free to PM me with any questions or concerns.


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## gbailey (Mar 10, 2009)

We're waiting to pierce DD's ears when she asks. I was ready to do it before she turned 1 but I didn't have my ears pierced until I asked. I even remember my mother taking me to pick out earrings at Alexander's.


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

Hmm, I hadn't really thought about piercing DD's ears until I saw this thread today. At 4, she's only a year younger than I was when I had mine pierced at my own request. She hasn't asked yet, but I'll wait until she brings it up. So far, she hasn't. I don't ever wear earrings in my piercings (they always give me problems so I just stopped wearing any 10+ years ago). I guess it hasn't occurred to her as an option. I remember it being a fun becoming-a-big-girl kind of day, since my sister and I went with my mom to get it done and then ate out afterwards.

People ALWAYS called DD a boy, even when she was dressed in ruffles. Drove me crazy, but I doubt that earrings would help the people who overlook the pink ruffles.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

If you think you'll get upset when people assume your baby is the "wrong" gender, imagine how much MORE upset you'll get if you put your child through the pain of piercing, and yourself through the details of caring for piercings for someone too young to understand why you're hurting them....

and people STILL get the gender wrong.

Because I promise, they will. No matter what you do.

I remember going to the store with DD wearing a bright pink and purple paisley shirt and pink fleece overalls and having THREE people compliment me on my "Big strong boy!!" I don't know where people get this, but it was just funny after awhile. It didn't matter whether I put her in her brother's handmedowns or in flouncy pink outfits from grandma -- people assumed she was a boy simply because she was a big, strong, baby with no hair.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
It is her body. She should be the one to determine whether or not her ears get pierced when she is of an age to make that decision.

This.

I also think earrings look weird on babies.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EFmom* 
It is her body. She should be the one to determine whether or not her ears get pierced when she is of an age to make that decision.

Yes to this.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

I'm one of six girls. We didn't have our ears pierced as babies, and currently range in age from 27 to 11. Thus far, only one of us (who's 14) has chosen to get her ears pierced. She asked when she was 12 or 13, and while Mum wasn't thrilled about it she realised my sister was old enough to know what she was doing, had wanted them for a while and wasn't going to start snorting cocaine upon receipt of said earrings.









The rest of us are happily unpierced. I'm glad Mum left the decision to me... they're MY ears and I like them unpunctured, thank you very much!


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

I'm all for body modifications but only when the person being modified has given consent AND only when it is their choice to do so.


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## SparklingGemini (Jan 3, 2008)

We did get DD's ears pierced as a young infant. There were multiple reasons behind my decision, most of them cultural. Some of them purely selfish and vain.

It was done by her pediatrician because the mall scares me. We were going to go with a local piercer but they required her to be vaxed and she's not completely vaccinate.

In the long run, I felt it was safer having her pediatrician doing it anyhow.

She didn't cry and we've never had an ounce of trouble.

If anyone would like to chat about it, or have questions, please feel free to PM me.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

I waited until my dd was five. She started asking about ear piercing at age four, and we waited a year, discussing it off and on.

Ended up going to a professional piercer, and she had rainbow titanium hoops put in. The experience was awesome, I wouldn't have gone anywhere else.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pixiekisses* 
No, many of them will not. Actually, none that I know of will do that here. Piercing studioes have age limits, and many have as high as 16 even for ear piercings with parental consent. Some have as low as 12. But none under that here.

I live in Ontario, and a huge, reputable studio pierced my dd's ears when she was five. They just talked to her first to see how much she wanted it, to ensure we were honest with her about what it would feel like, etc.


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## Frootloop (Aug 10, 2007)

DD's ears were pierced when she was around two years after she'd had a meltdown begging for the "ear pretties". We had them done, but since she fought me so hard taking care of them properly, they became infected. We finally took them out and let the holes close up as much as they could. She's now almost 13 years old and still has almost fully open holes.. so yes, the piercings were a permanent modification. She doesn't want them re-pierced at this point, even though she knows that she has that option and that it would be extremely easy to do. However, she may _never_ want them pierced.. and there's nothing wrong with that.

This may come off as judgemental sounding, but I would never pierce a child's ears unless they specifically asked for them. I fully believe that while our children are a part of us, they are not an extension of us.. and to decorate their body by piercing holes through it and adding ornamentation simply to make our life easier (the whole boy/girl thing) or because the parent think it looks "cute" is selfish.. I mean, the infant couldn't care less if her earrings look great or not. It's also extremely presumptous to think the child won't mind later on and/or actually be thankful you made the decision _for_ them. Perhaps the child would be happier that you allow it to be more of a rite of passage for a child to make their own decision about their body when they can actually remember having it done. I'm 35 years old and I *still* remember the day that I had my ears pierced. I was around the age of 6 and went with two of my favorite Aunts. They made it a very special day for me!!









With that said, I'm ALL for body modification if that is what the person wants for themselves. Bodily integrity is something that I'm extremely passionate about.


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## Trinitty (Jul 15, 2004)

Happy to read that you are waiting until she is old enough to decide for herself.

Don't worry about the girl/boy thing, people just don't think about that stuff sometimes and they are caught up in the "CuteBabyCuteBabyCuteBabyCuteBabyCuteBaby" thinking that they don't notice the clothes... just enjoy dressing her up! It is SO much fun to put together outfits.









My current favourite outfit for DD is a tartan coat, coonskin cap (real) and blue boots.... with a snappy black skirt.







People have to look twice.

Trin.


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## claddaghmom (May 30, 2008)

Reasons I'm not piercing DD's ears:

Physical

-infection
-misalignment due to growth
-risk of ripping the hole
-allergic reaction

Individual

-dd is non-consenting
-potentially painful
-alters her body
-perpetrates certain concepts about infant rights

DH and I have agreed that we will pierce DD's ears when she asks for it and shows some ability to care for them. I'll be piercing.

I'm not anti-piercings at all BTW. I'm wearing 6 right now.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

As somebody who loves body modification(I have 7 piercings and 3 tattoos), I would also wait. The main reason, apart from the issue of bodily integrity, is the issue of the gun. I would not trust a mall worker or a pediatrician to pierce my child's ears. I've had the pleasure of getting pierced by professionals who are dedicated to their craft, and I would never allow my children or myself to be pierced by someone who was not extremely qualified. Every place I've checked will not pierce ears until age 12. So, at least 12 it will be.

My sister was another person who absolutely does not like earrings. She doesn't like the way they look at all. If she'd gotten them pierced as an infant, she'd now be stuck with permanent holes. Thankfully, my mom made us wait, so my sister is happily hole free.

If someone has a strong cultural tradition to pierce ears, I can understand. I don't think ear piercing is the be all end all, 99% of my problem is that these piercings are not being performed by professionals. I would have a lot more respect for someone who gets their 5 month old's ears pierced by a professional piercer than I would for someone who allows their child of any age get pierced by the guns.


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## Danielle283 (Jun 7, 2005)

I had mine pierced as a baby and was so thankful! I'm scared to death of needles, and if they hadn't been done then, I don't think I would have the courage to do ever do it myself. I remember going with my friend and her 7 year old daughter on a special day to finally get hers done, and it was horrible! She wanted them so bad, but she freaked out after the first side was done, and screamed through the second.







I chose to have DD's done as a baby because of all that. She nursed right through it, no problem. However, I don't really think I should have bothered now. We had so many problems with them always getting nasty, her pulling at them, the backs falling off, etc. Finally I just took them out at around 2. She's 5 now and they are still open, so I often ask her if she wants them back in. She isn't interested! I wouldn't do it again if I had another daughter.


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## Ldavis24 (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jocelyndale* 
A reputable piercer with clean equipment will not modify the body of an infant.

I have to disagree with that. My niece had her ears pierced as an infant and now she has 2 large lumps of scar tissue!

To the OP, do I think it is cruel to pierce your baby's ears? Yes, selfish also quite frankly. You aren't thinking about your baby at all just your own feelings about her being mistaken for a boy which is definitely not one of the better reasons I have heard for making a baby deal with that. You obviously haven't heard a baby screaming after a vax because to them it is no small prick. I know it is very normal for a lot of parents to pierce their babies ears but I find it disturbing that a parent would cause their tiny baby pain like that out of pure vanity. The kid doesn't even have a say in the matter at that age! I think like other PP have mentioned it is at least nice to let them be old enough to decide...

This is coming from a mama who has had her ears pierced 5 times throughout my life (all just single holes that have closed). My ears the first time when I was 5 were so infected because my mom wasn't completely on top of it that I had to go to the doctor to have them removed (the skin healed around the earring because I didn't turn it)...What if you accidentally let your babies ears get infected. That can become very painful.

Sorry to be so blunt but I just think it is wrong for parents to do this to their baby girls. I am not against ear piercing or any piercing having had a tongue ring for many years just not on a baby! I know this is going to come off horribly but I just can't not pipe up about this.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ldavis24* 
I have to disagree with that. My niece had her ears pierced as an infant and now she has 2 large lumps of scar tissue!

I'm confused as to how this argues against the point the poster you quoted made. The fact that your niece was pierced doesn't say anything about the person who pierced her.

Quote:

My ears the first time when I was 5 were so infected because my mom wasn't completely on top of it that I had to go to the doctor to have them removed (the skin healed around the earring because I didn't turn it)...What if you accidentally let your babies ears get infected.
I wasn't there, so I can't speak for your mom, but the tone of this part kind of bothers me. Infection isn't always something that someone "lets" happen. If we had total control over infection, then nobody would ever get one at all, yk? I had awful problems with one of my ears after I got them pierced (I was 12). It was done with the gun...at that time (1981), I'd never heard of any other way, and that's how everyone I knew got it done. One of my ears puffed up like a balloon and was swollen and red for days after the piercing. We turned it, treated it with the antiseptic stuff, etc. A year or so later, I went without earrings for a week or two, and wasn't able to put an earring in when I wanted to, as the hole had partly closed up. At my request, my mom pushed the piercing stud back through, which hurt like hell.

Through all of that, I was "on top of it" - I regularly turned my earrings and used the antiseptic liquid. Despite that, my ear got infected three separate times...twice during the early months, and again after we "repierced" it. When turning my earrings (multiple times every day), I often felt a tearing sensation in the hole. An infection doesn't mean someone has to be blamed for it. (Of course, imo, that makes it even _less_ desirabel to pierce an infant. An infection _could_ happen to anyone.)

It's strange how differently they heal. There are people who get it done, and the holes stay open beautifully forever (whether this is desirable or not depends on the individual's feelings, of course). Then, there are those like me. I got mine done almost 30 years ago. I still have trouble getting earrings in if I go more than a month or two without wearing them...and I do that quite frequently when I have a small baby!


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