# Do you break any co-sleeping "rules"?



## melixxa (May 20, 2003)

I just started reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" to get a jump on things. We're brand-new at this, and turns out my DP and I are breaking a lot of the safety rules listed for having a baby in your bed with you.

To wit: DS sleeps on a sheepskin and swaddled in at least one baby blanket (we live in the Rockies!!). DP and I have multiple pillows and one big feather comforter each. One large cat sleeps in the bed with us. We have no guardrails (baby sleeps between us and is only 7 wks. old) or protectors for the head of the bed (seems somehow more serious to me right now). We don't really own any "sleepwear" for DS per se - he just wears whatever to bed. The co-sleeper (which he spends about 1/5 of his sleeping hours in) is right next to a window with long curtains on it.

There are more but I can't think of them right now.... Are other people "breaking the rules" in like manner? What do you think? How worried should I be about all of this?


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## Divina (Sep 13, 2003)

We do have a railing around our bed, which my SO made from an old futon frame. We use a down comforter and lots of pillows--I'm about four months pregnant and use them under my knees, etc. DS brings toys to bed and sleeps in whatever. SO and I prefer to sleep nude until it gets cold. DS is almost 2 now, never had a problem--I think it depends a lot on everyone's "sleep personality". Both SO and I wake easily, neither of us toss around much, DS hates having covers on him so he sleeps on the outside with no covers. We've never had problems.

Divina


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## kellyr2 (May 5, 2003)

Melixxa, with as many rules as you are breaking, honestly, yes i'd consider changing some of the habits. You've got suffocation hazards, strangulation hazards, and the falling hazard. If you break a couple rules, or for older infants/toddlers, I think its okay, but when you pretty much ignore all of them, you may be setting yourself up for trouble.
We've always slept with the bed against the wall (at the top and side) and the baby sleeps between me and the wall. We check the mattress daily to ensure that there isn't a gap between it and the wall that she could slip into. I make sure that all pillows (4 total, but when she was a newborn we were only using 2 total) are up near our heads and her head stays roughly by my chest. We do use a comforter during the colder months, and now that she's older we use it all the time. But I would always make sure that it didn't cover her face. Now that she's older (17 mo) we just don't have room for the 3 of us in the bed full time, so we set up her crib with the drop side removed, right beside the bed. She spends most of the night in it, and comes over to nurse when she wants. I just make sure that again, there are no gaps. and she usually sleeps in just a diaper and hates blankets, but lately its started getting cool at night so she's been in PJ's.


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## grisandole (Jan 11, 2002)

I wouln't worry about the sheepskin and swaddling. My ds was always swaddled (still is sometimes) and I believe the stuff about sheepskins being hazardous is debateable.

However, I would move the long curtains and always make sure the window is closed and locked, or move the co-sleeper. Though your baby is little now, they develop so quickly you never know when the day will be that they can suddenly pull up and grab the curtains........

When my ds1 was little, he was unable to turn doorknobs- well, one day out of the blue he was! And he wandered out of the house out the garage into the alley!

Be safe!

Kristi


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## EileeninNJ (Jul 5, 2003)

We break some of the "rules" too. If we followed all of them we would end up sleeping on a bare mattress with no pillows, and our cats would be pawing at the door all night long. You do have to be sensible though. We use a sheet and blanket, we each use two pillows and we let our cats sleep with us. We have 4, though usually no more than 2 are in the bed at any time. We did use guardrails when dd was tiny, but now that she's older she likes to flop around so we sidecarred a crib.

When she naps by herself we barricade her in the crib with "husbands" and pillows. She's 8 months, though, and can crawl and pull herself up so I don't think she'll suffocate.


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## bizarrogirl (Jul 12, 2003)

I could be wrong, but I think one of the issues with sheepskins, besides the pile, is that they have a tendency to harbor mildew, and some mildews and molds can give off low levels of toxic gases. Not enough to bother an adult, but enough to cause problems for a newborn.

I'm not 100% on this, and don't have a reference, but you may want to explore that.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

I was wondering about this the other day.

Our bed is in the corner, so the top and one side are against the wall and the other side has a mesh guardrail. We all sleep in our underwear although ds and dd tend to have a t-shirt on. We usually just use a sheet, sometimes a quilt.

The cat never sleeps on our bed unless I'm not around (he doesn't like me







and cats generally like me. I guess because he was dh's cat before we married).

We have two pillows in the bed. We try as much as possible to make sure someone is between the two kids although it is sometimes hard during the week when dh is at work at night. Dd is sleeping in her "dora" bed (we bought dora sheets for her) more and more so hopefully that won't be a problem in the future.


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## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

We slept with blankets and pillows, but always had dd well below the pillow level, and always had our blankets at our wait level. Never had a problem. We did have her between us and did not break any of the other rules. Cat got put in t he garage at night so it would not paw at the door (or at least we couldn't hear it). Our baby's safety was more important than the cat's feelings.

With this baby we have a waterbed so we are getting a cosleeper for the baby. It's expensive but we are not going to take any chances!

Darshani


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## lilylove (Apr 10, 2003)

Regading the no bed rails, it may not seem like a big deal now but I really think they are a good idea. I didn't think they were really needed untill my dd feel out of bed. Luckily she was fine, but it scared the crap out of me. I went right out and bought a guard rail(10 bucks I think, at target). For the record my mom had been telling me to get one all along







:


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## mum2sarah (Apr 23, 2003)

Honestly, how can you sleep without pillows in your bed? I really don't think it's a big deal as long as they are not at the level of the baby's face. The other major sleep rule we break is that dd sleeps on her tummy--she always has. During the first month of her life, she literally slept on her tummy on top of my bare chest, so I'm sure I would have been aware if she had stopped breathing. When she got too heavy to sleep on top of me, I tried putting her on her back, but she could never stay asleep that way, so I finally gave in and let her sleep on her tummy.

Furthermore, I'm not sure how to avoid breaking another rule soon. My dd will only nurse at night if she's on my left side, so she has her own separate twin mattress on the floor flush against our queen mattress on one side and flush against the wall on the other side. But we are expecting baby #2 in March, and the only place for the baby to go will be between my dh and me. I thought about getting one of those "snuggle nests" to put between us for the new baby, but they're kind of expensive. Still brainstorming about the logistics a family bed with more than one child... But I do think it's unrealistic to expect not to break any of the safety "rules." You just have to do what is safe and practical for your family, since every situation is unique.


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## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

We have always put DD between us, and we were a little late on getting bed rails but followed all the other safety rules pretty well. I would def. get her away from the curtains and all the suffocating hazards.


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## Graceoc (Mar 26, 2002)

I HAVE to have lots of pillows and blankets when I sleep, but was very concerned about dd when she was small (espically a newborn) what we did was have the cosleeper on one side and a guardrail on the other (or DH when he wasn't in the other room sleeping with ds!) I would use my pillow but made sure she was well below the pillow line - I would also cover myself as much as possible, but did not put the blankets over her - she had on a sleeper. If Dh was sleeping with us he had a seperate blanket so that she would not get inbetween us and be totally under the blanket (because she was below the pillow line - usually at breast level)

I personally would be concerned about the cat and the fluffy blankets and pillows - but it is all in how you sleep. Even though I am a VERY light sleeper - it was still a big concern for me, and I do recall a couple of time waking up and seeing that dd's face was almost in my pillow - it really scared me.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I kept the very fluffy blankets out of Eli's way when he was smaller, we never had a guardrail, and Eli slept on his stomach in bed with us. However, I am a fairly light sleeper and would be wide awake at least twice an hour checking on him.

Now we still don't have a guardrail, but Eli can get into and out of bed on his own very well, and I still wake up whenever he moves







. I don't even open my eyes anymore, though; I usually just whip out the nursie. :LOL


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## becca29 (Jan 14, 2003)

we don't have guardrails up, is this a problem? I have one that I put up when Dh is out of town or working late, but otherwise DS sleeps in between us. He is 5 months old, and can just about roll over but that's it as far as his mobility goes, and he never sleeps alone in bed. Should we have raisl up on both sides, or wait until he can move around more?

Also, what is the danger with cats? suffocation? getting scratched? We let our cats back in our room when Ds was 3 months. Should we have kept them out?


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## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

We let our cats sleep in the bedroom. We have four, but only two will venture onto the bed. One of them is extremely jealous of DD and will stay at the foot, one of them is very protective and stays close enough to watch her (but not touching her). DD used to sleep between us but her twitching kept me awake all night, she's a very light sleeper. We have a co-sleeper that I put her in. She's swaddled, on her back, on a not-very-fluffy pillow (with a baby prop to keep her from rolling. If one could while swaddled.) - otherwise she /will not sleep/! My midwife says she's never seen a baby take so well to swaddling... Many times when she's fussy it's the only cure, and she absolutely won't sleep at night more then a 35-minute stretch without it. I'm a very light sleeper, and wake up every time she moves, regardless of where she's sleeping.

We don't have guardrails either, but we didn't figure we needed them yet as she's only 6 weeks old, and sleeps in the co-sleeper 80% of the time - and between us or on my chest the rest of it.


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## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by becca29_
*we don't have guardrails up, is this a problem? I have one that I put up when Dh is out of town or working late, but otherwise DS sleeps in between us. He is 5 months old, and can just about roll over but that's it as far as his mobility goes, and he never sleeps alone in bed. Should we have raisl up on both sides, or wait until he can move around more?
*

Our bed is on bunky boards on the floor, so I never even considered guardrails. If it was higher, I probably would as I am paranoid. At five months, I'd pay close attention to his mobility; many babies go from barely rolling over to crawling in a matter of days at that age.


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## grisandole (Jan 11, 2002)

littleteapot, my ds2 is the same way! He always had to be swaddled tightly. And, hes now 15month old and still love to be swaddled to go to sleep! Once he's asleep he's okay- but he needs it to fall asleep and sleeps better swaddled or with my arms holding him tightly.









Kristi


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## melixxa (May 20, 2003)

Well, we're trying to cut down on what seem like our real hazards. The problem with the co-sleeper being next to the window and curtains will, I think, take care of itself. I want to move the co-sleeper, which is now on my DP's side of the bed since he does all nighttime parenting up until 6-7 a.m., to my side of the bed. This way, DS will be away from the curtains and I will be able to nurse on my left side. Up till now, I've been 'scheduling' my breasts so that the right one is pretty engorged and the left practically empty at night. This way, DS stays in the middle of the bed. Otherwise, I have to shift all our blankets, pillows, myself and DS to bf him on the other side - which is also the side on the edge of the bed, not good or safe at all! I think it will be *much* safer which the co-sleeper there. Now that DS is 9 weeks old, my DP doesn't really have to do anything after 4:00 a.m. or so anyway (e.g. take DS and rock him in the other room, walk around the house with him, etc.). What he wants at that point mostly is to nurse.

We've also started putting him on a changing pad between us because he had started to roll off his sheepskin (which I think is safe, though I do still want to check into the potential toxins - thanks for the tip, Bizarrogirl!) under one or the other of us. The changing pad raises him above blanket level and makes for a solid barrier that we can easily feel even when asleep. As a result, the bed is already a much safer environment for the boy. I have also blocked off the head of the bed (possible space between mattress and headboard) with the 'bean' pillow I use for nursing (purchased at Babys R Us and used instead of a Boppy). When he gets bigger and stronger we'll have to adapt further (guardrails), of course. In general, I also want to start using the co-sleeper more. I like having him right next to me, so switching sides will keep him close, even if he is effectively in his own separate bed.

What else? As time passes and I feel like I'm less sleep-deprived in general, I also feel like I am more in tune with DS as we sleep.

I'm not worried about the cat. He has always slept at the foot of the bed and has now also instinctually grasped that the 'baby zone' is off-limits to him. He'sa very gentle cat who just wants to sleep and cuddle, but he's a little bit afraid of the boy.


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## Konur's Mom (Jun 28, 2002)

We started cosleeping when Konur was about 8 weeks old in our waterbed, full motion. We did not know better until he was able to push himself up anyway and there was no suffication danger so we continued cosleeping there. Now we have a flat bed pushed against the waterbed and if we have another one, the baby and I will sleep there. No point in chancing it twice!


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## SpiralWoman (Jul 2, 2002)

Quote:

one of the issues with sheepskins, besides the pile, is that they have a tendency to harbor mildew, and some mildews and molds can give off low levels of toxic gases
I remember there was a really good link about htis some months back~ I searched for it & couldn't find it. It was in a thread about SIDS & Tummy sleeping & what it said was that the flame retardant that is on all crib mattresses combined with a mildew = toxic gases that cause SIDS, from a New Zealand study, so if your sheepskin is not chemically treated with flame retardant, you should be ok. If I find the link later I will add it.
found it
www.healthychild.com/cribdeath


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## panda (Nov 24, 2001)

My first is due in a few months, and I look forward to co-sleeping. I wonder what we need to do to secure our bed. We'll use 1 pillow each (2 total), I use more now but only because of heartburn and this big ol' belly. We usually pile on the blankets in the winter, but I'm hoping if we turn up the heat this year we'll be good with sheet, blanket and thin quilt. I don't think I'll be comfortable with the blankets at waist-level, so I'm concerned them covering the baby.

We don't have a headboard, and I've wondered whether it's safer to have the bed away from all walls (falling hazard, but no place to get wedged in) or up against the wall at top and my side. Sounds like against the wall is better.

We've talked about getting a snuggle nest. I've also considered side-carring a regular crib. DH wants to get one, just to have, but I'm a little nervous about rigging up a crib contrary to the instructions (taking one rail off). Will it be safe, and sturdy?

So much to do and learn, getting ready!


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