# Funny things kids say....



## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

There was a thread like this somewhere, but I thought I would start a new one









DS is 3:

"Old pee is crunchy like potato chips" WT??????

I have NO idea where that came from, or where he may have encountered old pee!

Or we found a nest of tiny baby spiders outside. He is currently afraid of all insects and spiders...

"Last night those baby spiders climbed into my toes and up into my belly and ate all of my food in my belly." He was completely serious while he said it too.


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## zippy_francis (Jan 9, 2008)

My DD is 2 1/2. When she is being silly or making silly/funny faces in the rearview mirror while I am driving, I will tell her "You are crazy".

Her reply always is: "I am not crazy, I am Sophia Margaret!" (her name)

I LOVE IT









She is my little smarty pants


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

My 8 year old:

(Dh bought a new computer chair yesterday and was bringing it in) "Don't you want to see the greatest thing since having children?"

My 3 year old:

(when asked how old he'll be on his birthday) "6. Well, 4. But they're the same thing. Only different."


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## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

My daughter at the doctor's office today (when the door was open of course) "mama, your doctor is very very nice and very VERY big!"

Yesterday my dd and I were on the porch. We could hear our neighbors in their backyard and their dogs were barking a lot. Zayla decides to say real loudly, (so I know they heard her) "mama I hate those damn dogs".


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## beckyand3littlemonsters (Sep 16, 2006)

I'll try remember some cos my lo's have come out with some crackers









When chloe was 4 her dad heard her saying "i'm going to be 14 when i'm a mum"









caitlin's teacher had a baby girl before christmas and there was sign on the door saying that she weighed 6 lb. 9 oz and i mentioned that Caden had weighed 9 lb. 6 oz and she said "did you buy him from the shop and did he have a label on him"









also a few months back Caden pulled my purse out of my pocket and i said "i don't have any money" and he said "Liar" and smacked me







i was so shocked, i couldn't help but laugh.

Caitlin really embarrassed me in the shop the other day i was paying for some shopping and she said to the man at the checkout " Hello daddy, your my daddy"


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

I was teasing my youngest sister once and said that boys have cooties. She got a very serious look on her face, turned to my mother and said "Mom, Oubliette is being silly, boys don't have cooties, they're just icky!"


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

My 3yo opened the bathroom door while I was in there and said

Him: Hey mommy, do you have a penis?
Me: Why no, I don't.
Him: Ok, thanks!

And shuts the door. Just checking, I guess?

His animals also seem to make friends much more easily than I can: "Hi, Ninja Monkey, would you be my friend? Sure, White Puppy. I'll dance and you play the guitar."

And life lessons:

Me: Sorry, Andrew. Sometimes we can't have everything we want.
Andrew: Like a leopard. I would like a leopard, but we can't have one because Daddy would be scared!

Apparently Daddy also can't go to work because he's a bear and that's DANGEROUS!

3yo crack me up.


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## wookie (Dec 12, 2008)

My 4yo is hilarious when he wants to be









Him: Why can't I have my rules all the time?
Me: Because other people want to have their rules sometimes too. Why should you be the one to make rules?
Him: Because, mama, I'm the king of the world!

Me: Oh, ds2 (1yo), don't eat that off the floor. It's yucky.
Ds1: Let him, mama. Then you don't have to vacuum because ds2 is our very own vacuum!


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## queenofchaos (Feb 16, 2008)

Just this morning, my 4 yo DD and nearly 6 yo DS were at the table eating breakfast when DD asks me,"Mom, what happens when your water breaks?" Before I could answer, DS says, "That can't happen cuz water can't break!"

This afternoon my 8 yo DD asks me, "Are all grown-up ladies moms?" I replied, "No, some ladies are grown-ups quite a while before they become moms and some just don't ever become moms." Her response, "Well, then maybe some moms never grow-up." I thought this rather profound (and sometimes sadly true!); all I could say was, "Yes."


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## Otterella (Oct 13, 2007)

3 1/2 yo DS: "Sister doesn't like the vulva in her sippy."

DH: "WHA????"

DS: "The vulva. This." Takes out the valve.

DH: "Ohhhhh... say 'valve'."


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## Tjej (Jan 22, 2009)

All 4 of us snuggled up in bed in the morning. DS (2) is nursing, DD (4) is just laying in the middle. Sweet and peaceful, right?

DS: (laughing) The white thing (ceiling) fall down on us and squish us!
Me: You think the ceilng is going to fall on us and squish us?
DS: That be funny! The ceiling fall down and the star (ceiling fan) fall on DD and hurt her! Ow (still laughing)...

DD and DS got helium balloons at a parade on Saturday. They took them out into the backyard after we got home and (surprise surprise) instantly DS's balloon floated away. DD is hysterically upset.

DD: Get the Balloon! It's floating away! (sobbing uncontrolably)
Me: I'm sorry. I would like to get it, but it is too high up. I can't reach.
DS: Maybe get on airplane and reach out window and grab balloon.
Me: That'd be fun if we could do that.
DD: (gasping) Okay, let's get to an airplane...
Me: I'm sorry, we can't really get on an airplane.
DS: I wear astronaut suit and BRRRGGRR up into sky and grab balloon!
DD: (So very sad) But it is going away! How can we get it?!!?
DH: Sorry...
Me: I would like to get it too, but we can't. It is too high up.
DS: We fly like birds. Mama, fly like a bird! Little Bear flies like a bird. Mama fly like bird!
Me: (jumping) See, even when I try, I can't fly. It would be fun...
DD: We could talk to the birds. They could fly and get it and bring it back...

Tjej


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## CrazyCatLady (Aug 17, 2004)

Oh yeah. I just remembered the best one.









Recently, in the middle of a crowded grocery store isle. Dd tells me randomly and in her loudest voice (why is she always so loud?!?)

"Mommy, I like to touch myself at night in my bed when you can't see me".































Nobody warned me about this kind of stuff before I had kids. It's like she's on a mission to humiliate me sometimes.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

DD, age 3, on where babies come from:

Sees me taking prenatal vitamin. "Can I have one?"

Me "No...they're only for mommies growing babies"

DD "I can grow a baby..."

Me "Someday, sure" (or something like that)

DD "No, I know how to grow a baby RIGHT NOW."

Me







(we've not had a discussion on where babies come from, nobody's asked) "Really? Tell me more..."

DD "You plant a seed, put some water, put it in the sun, and it will grow a baby!"

Me


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

DS1 is 5. He is absolutely CONVINCED the bellybean is a girl. (we find out next month)

He informed me one day "I KNOW it's a girl mom, I KNOW it is...I know EVERYTHING!"

(he also "already knows how to speak Spanish" so doesn't need an after-school class next year--he's seen dora and diego,







)


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

There are some good ones already!

I just remembered another....

DS was playing with my grandma's dog with a small stick in the yard. He fell with it and a side branch poked his finger and he got a small puncture from it. This was with everyone around including my 84 yo grandmother.

"[email protected] dammit! That really hurts!"
















My grandma thought it was pretty funny, and after some initial uncomfortable looks from my aunts and uncles we all had a pretty good laugh- he always manages to use those words in context, so it is hard not to laugh.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

My DGD (5), on the bus yesterday (very seriously):

"If you lose your heart, then you die." Then added: "The heart is made of glass."


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

My niece (4yo) had a worksheet from school to pick out the pictures that start with P. They came across paddles for a boat. Her mom asked her if those start with P...NO MOMMMMMMMMMMM-those are row row row your boats.


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## Stephenie (Oct 11, 2007)

DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stephenie* 
DS (3) and I were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He said he wants to work at church. "Oh," I ask, "Do you want to stand in front and talk?" "Yes I do," he says. "Are you going to tell people about Jesus?" I ask. "Nope." "Well What are you going to tell them about," I ask. "I'm gonna tell them about snacks." Sounds logical.

Makes sense to me!

Just heard this one today, upon finding a small American flag:

DS: This is my flag!
Me: Oh yes, that's the United States' flag.
DS: I would wave it around and tell people "Get out of the way! We're coming through!"

Yep, that's pretty much it, buddy.









Think he remembers using the flag in the crosswalk.


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## shishkeberry (Sep 24, 2004)

After I sent DS to bed, he came downstairs an hour later..

Me: DS, why are you downstairs, you should be in bed!
DS: It's too hot in my room and I can't get comfortable.
Me: Well, turn on your fan.
DS: I did, but it's not fanny enough


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## Jaesun's Dad (Feb 19, 2010)

Ours is too young to have any quips but we were at a park with a friend a while ago and this made me laugh:

We warned our friend that her son was playing dangerously close to poison oak, so she called out to him "come down from there, there's poison oak up there" and then her daughter screamed, I thought at first in horror, but it turned out to be excitement as she ran toward her brother yelling "Oh poison oak! I've never had poison oak before!" ... her mom "you don't want poison oak honey it will make you all itchy" ... the daughter, still running "I don't care! I never had poison oak before!"

So far as I know we did manage to keep both kids from actually getting poison oak. Much to the little girl's disappointment I am sure.


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## waterproofmascara (Apr 2, 2004)

O love reading these- they make me lol!!

When my ds was about 4 we were visiting my grandmother and passed the funeral home. My son got very serious and quiet and said "There's heaven." I asked him what in the world he was talking about, and it turns out he thought the funeral home was heaven. He had been taught that when you die you go to heaven, and since every funeral he had ever been to was at that funeral home, he thought it was heaven.

My absolute favorite thing my dd has ever said is in my siggy.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

A few nights ago my DS asked me if baby powder was made from babies.









Last week he (DS 7) was stressed because one of our daycare boys (2yrs) really wanted DS's stuffed racoon at naptime. Ds felt badly for saying no but really didn't want him to "slobber all over it". Later DS suggested we set one of our live traps and catch a REAL racoon and give him that at naptime.

He has a dark sense of humor though.

One of my daycare boys, a very vocal, very intense, 2 year old told me in all seriousness- " the baboon ate my brain" (this could have been the result of exposure to my 7 y/o though)

My twins (6) teacher was leaving school for mat. leave so the class was throwing her a baby shower.
DD-Mrs. X is having her baby tomorrow.
Me- Oh no sweetie, tomorrow's just her shower.
DS- Nope. She's definately having the baby tomorrow. That's why we're having the shower. To wash it for her after it comes out.


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

I love these! LOL

DD was playing in her room with DH watching(kinda) yesterday. She destroyed the room-clothes and toys covering the floor. I walked into the room to get her for lunch.

DD








looks at mess, looks at me) WHAT'D YOU DO??? IT'S A MESS!


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## laurabfig (Mar 1, 2004)

I am cracking up at these, sitting here laughing at the computer.









My favorite is when my 6 year old son woke up one morning and came into our bed, and the first words out of his mouth were:

"Mama, I gotta get my armpit hairs growing."

(What?!) Guess he wants to be like dad...or me when I forget to shave. hee hee


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

I had a 7 year old camper who was constantly hanging off my arms. One day I got stung several times by a wasp. Since it hurt to have anyone touch my arms, I had to keep reminding her to stop trying to grab them. she wanted to know why so I explained I had been stung by a wasp and it hurt very much. To which she got a very serious look on her face and said "Its because you're wearing red, they hate red!" When I got dressed the next morning I remembered this advice and picked a safe (so I thought) grey shirt with a small orange stripe. she came straight up to me that morning and siad with a very serious look- "Oh no! You cant wear orange! Wasps hate orange too!"

Same camper had a small collection of stuffed animals. They were mostly named simply what the wear. There was Arctic fox and Killer Owl amongst others. All of the animals with the "Killer" prefix had a nasty habit of trying to go up peoples shirts, an activity we actively and firmly discourage. One day i noticed all the stuffed animals had disappeared. And the following conversation ensued-
Me: Where's Killer Owl?
Camper: He was naughty. So I put him in my bag.
Me: Oh, what did he do?
Camper: He tried to look up Fox's shirt.
Me: I see. Where is Arctic Fox?
Camper: In the bag with Killer Owl!


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## Catherine12 (May 15, 2006)

Recently, my 4yo took our deodorant out of the bathroom cabinet. My 6yo came and told me about it - but she didn't remember what it was called. She did vaguely remember me explaining what it was for, and that it had something to do with sweat. So she says, "Mommy! Ds took the bottle of grown-up sweat out of the cabinet!"


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

"Mommy, I burped out my butt!" (DD, age 3, tonight)

DD "Mommy, don't call me baby anymore because I'm not a baby"

Me "OK, big girl..."

DD "NO, I am a SUPERHERO!"
















(tonight's 'I must keep talking so that I do not fall asleep' conversation)

oh, also from same conversation, the bit of snack she got off Grandma was NOT a sweet roll, it was a TREAT.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

We were playing baseball in the backyard last year. Dd (5 at the time) was batting, and I was pitching. Ds was in the "outfield" (our yard isn't that big).

Dd swung at a pitch and missed. Ds shouted "STRIKE! Incensed, dd yelled, "it's not your job to say 'strike', that's the vampire's job!"


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Oh and I just remembered another good one:

We were driving home the day before dd's birthday.

Dd says to me "I can't believe I'm turning 6 tomorrow. I've suffered through so much already."


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## COgirl19 (Dec 26, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Oh and I just remembered another good one:

We were driving home the day before dd's birthday.

Dd says to me "I can't believe I'm turning 6 tomorrow. I've suffered through so much already."

























One morning DD climbed into bed with us and the first thing she said "Mommy! Snakes don't wear pants!" - ummm....ok, why is this relevant at 6am?


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## Katrinaquerida (Mar 24, 2008)

My little guy (4) saw his daddy getting out of the shower. His comment was "Daddy, why does your penis have a beard?"


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## greenbeanmama (Jul 14, 2007)

My three-and-a-half-year-old was talking on a pretend phone. He tells me, "Mama, I'm going to make a phone call. Please be quiet." Then he was talking on the phone, and I said something to him. His response to me: "Shh! I'm on the phone." Then, into the phone, "Sorry about that. Someone was being loud."
Yikes. Now I know what I sound like!


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

When ds was about 9 months my 2.5 yo dd walked in on a diaper change and said "Harlan, don't pull your penis. Let me do it for you!"

The other morning at breakfast my 3 yo son looked at my husband with a very sad face and said "Daddy, we're all out of beer." My dh drinks about 12 beer a year, so I'm not sure why ds thought he'd be wanting one for breakfast.


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## LaughingHyena (May 4, 2004)

I think DD was about 2.5 and one of her toys had flat batteries. I was trying to explain this to her. Her response That's OK mummy, Daddy will put them in the charger and they will be the right shape in the morning.

I think may favorite was the day she came home from school saying she was this weeks "Toilet Thermometer". It tool us a while to work out she meant toilet monitor, there was a nasty sickness bug doing the rounds so they were working extra hard to make sure this kids washed their hands.


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## RLWS (Apr 16, 2008)

My son (6) was wearing a denim shirt. He said, "I can sleep in this shirt, because it's made of pants."


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## klosmom (Nov 19, 2007)

my 3yo niece: "Damn It!"
my sister: "Thats not nice, don't say that."
niece: "Well, Shit It then!"


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

LOL you ladies have some very funny kids!!! Mine's hilarious too. He's 2. The other day he came up to me and lifted up my shirt and pointed at my pregnant belly and said "mommy theres a baby in there!!!" very excitedly. then his face turned all serious and he leaned into me and whispered "she's trying to come out..."


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *klosmom* 
my 3yo niece: "Damn It!"
my sister: "Thats not nice, don't say that."
niece: "Well, Shit It then!"

okay THAT is the funniest! lol


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## Bena (Jan 26, 2008)

Loving this thread!

Not sure if this is as funny as it is embarassing, but I still get a hoot from this story, especially since it wasn't my child!

A friend of mine was pregnant and had explained to her DS (who was 3 at the time) that her belly would be getting bigger since that is where the baby was growing.
A few days later, in line a the grocery store, her DS pointed to a woman ahead of them and said "that lady is growing her baby in her bum"

Oh man....I still laugh thinking of this, and imagining my friends face!!!


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## hibiscus mum (Apr 6, 2009)

I was getting dressed in front of DD (3.5) the other day and she yelled out, "Oh my, Mama! Your vulva's got FUR on it!"


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)




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## lonegirl (Oct 31, 2008)

Last night hoodie towel clad ds claims "mom, my bum is like another holder, see" he then proceeds to tuck the edge of his towel into his little bum crack and walk around to show me


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## mrspineau (Jan 15, 2008)

this morning ds looked at the stretch marks on my arms and said "mommy look at what you have! You're all wrinkled!"


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I thought it was cute when one day my DS and I went for a walk where he fell and scrapped his knee. It was nothing a little clean water couldn't sort out. Being male though - he thought he was dying so we went home and he rested on the sofa. He then turned me to, sighed and said 'My leg is broken - it needs new batteries!'.

Bless him! lol


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mrspineau* 
this morning ds looked at the stretch marks on my arms and said "mommy look at what you have! You're all wrinkled!"

Hehe! - Yes!...One of the first things my DS1 said to me when he saw me after having Hamish was 'LOOK! - Your tummy isn't bigger than daddy's anymore!...and its all squiiissshhhhyyyy (whilst he shows me just how squishy with his hands!)' lol and 'oh - but your tummy button is still flat' ...

For three weeks after Hamish was born, I had to show him my tummy button until he was satisfied that it was no longer flat! lmao


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## barefootmama0709 (Jun 25, 2009)

My ODS last summer, when there was a lot of construction work going on outside our building:
"Mommy, I want to drive those backhoes! I want to SHARE the backhoes! My turn!!" He was quite serious and didn't understand why the construction workers didn't have to share their toys.

Last week, when I caught him jumping on the bed: "Mommy, was Monarch (his stuffed pony) jumping. He is a sneaky, sneaky pony!"

About a month ago at the grocery store:
As soon as we got there, Canaan says "Mommy, I want to buy a goat!"
Me: "Um....they don't sell goats here, buddy".
Canaan: "Are NO GOATS at the grocery store?"
Me: "No. Definitely no goats."
Canaan: "And no tractors?"
Me: "Nope, no tractors either."
Canaan: "So I can buy a pony??"

Um....explanation FAIL.

He also just told me that he couldn't sit on the potty because there was a chicken in it.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Dd1 asked, peering at my wrinkled forehead, "Mommy, why do you have those cracks?"

One time she asked, "Mommy, do butterflies have teeth?" It was just so cute.


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## laila2 (Jul 21, 2007)

seeing my sweat at the groin (sorry for the visual), "mommy, did you have an accident"

Same after I worked out today.

My dd 6 after seeing me today drenched, "ha ha ha you had an accident" Then she sees my rear, "you had a pooh pooh accident" touching my sweatband, "and your face had an accident"

They had fun with me this morning


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Dd got a new "ballerina-tard" for her ballet class. Yes, I did try to explain that it was a leotard, but apparently only gymnastics girls wear leotards and ballerinas wear ballerinatards.


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## barefootmama0709 (Jun 25, 2009)

Oh, and the other REALLY funny thing that ODS said (at about 19 mos.) he was trying to pull a wagon full of blocks, and the entire thing dumped over. He looked right at it and said "F-ckin A, wagon!!" I wanted to reprimand him, but I was laughing MUCH too hard.


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

I once had two little boys get into an argument over whether I was a boy or a girl. Finally they asked for my input on the matter, and I confirmed I was indeed, a girl. To which the one who was convinced I was male looked up at me with sad eyes and said, "But Oubliette, you are so a boy! Your "package" is right there!" And proceeded to point at my crotch. I have to say, its the only time in my life someone has informed me where my "package" is!


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## shishkeberry (Sep 24, 2004)

Tonight while DS was getting a bath I was in the next room folding clothes for the new LO.

DS: Mommy, come here, I need to talk to you.
Me: Are you ready to come out of the bath?
DS: No, I just want to ask when we are going to mini golf. (? LOL, random)
Me: I don't know honey, we don't really have the money to do that right now.
DS: *But mini golf is my life! I NEED to go mini golf, girl! I am serious!*
ME:









FTR, I think he's only been mini golfing once in his life with my mom.


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## Mama2Xander (Jul 3, 2004)

Yesterday morning my oldest (6) asked me which animal olives come from. I did manage not to laugh (barely).

I've had the following conversation a few times with my middle son (just turned 4) while in a public bathroom:
Him: Mommy, are you going pee or poo?
Me (trying to keep this exchange somewhat quiet): Pee
Him: Just pee Mommy? Not poo?
Me: Right, just pee.
Him: You don't have to go poo?
Me: Nope
Him: Did you already go poo today?

(add in the obligatory "Please keep the door closed... please leave the lock alone... you can unlock it when I am finished" throughout the conversation too)


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## academama (Sep 26, 2008)

My son will be 2 in a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks ago, he was taking a bath and looked down and noticed his penis. He looked scared and shouted, "Mama, what is THAT?!"

I explained.

He still looked very worried and asked, "What's it FOR?"
















He totally never noticed it before. Yeah, he was 23 mo old at the time.


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *academama* 
My son will be 2 in a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks ago, he was taking a bath and looked down and noticed his penis. He looked scared and shouted, "Mama, what is THAT?!"

I explained.

He still looked very worried and asked, "What's it FOR?"
















He totally never noticed it before. Yeah, he was 23 mo old at the time.









My son totally knows it's there. He also knows his Daddy has one...and he tries to play with it. He's not verbal yet but we have this conversation all.the.time:
DH: No, that's Daddy's penis. You have your own to play with. Please do not play with mine.

It's so common I've stopped laughing out loud..


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

About 20 minutes ago, the boys were in the bathroom while I was in the shower. I get out, and DS1 says, "Im outta here".

Me: Why? Have you had enough of being in here?
DS1: yesth
Me: Me too!
DS1, who is 2.5, btw: Me three!

Oye


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## Raine822 (Dec 11, 2008)

Just now DD1 was whimpering and saying boo-boo. She pointed to her knee at the boo-boo. She had a scrape there but it was a week old and almost healed. Now, there is a fresh looking wound the size of a dime. I got ther to show me the boo-boo-ketchup from DH breakfast.


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## MammaG (Apr 9, 2009)

In the car, Jonathan, 4, says, "I'm going to crap". Me and DH whip our heads around and say, "WHAT did you just say?!?!". DS, looking nervous, bashes his hands together and says, "I'm going to crap. You know, crap". And claps all the way home.

Most of his funnies are because he can't pronounce his Ls yet.

Another, while tidying his room, "I'm queening up!". You go, girl.


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## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

I can't wait until my DD is verbal, now.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Oh man, these are funny.

Right now dd2 is into saying "Dammit!". A Lot. All the time. For almost everything she gets frustrated with. And for a 2 y.o., that's a lot. E.g., she can't get her remote control car to fit in the trunk of another car she's playing with: "DAMMIT!"


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

Last night I made rainbow chard for dinner. DS says:

Him: Hey mom, what's that?
Me: It's chard. Isn't it pretty?
Him: Uh huh. It's fresh! and green! and tastes SOOOOO GOOOD!

He really did eat a giant pile of it, but I have no idea where he got the rest.

We went on a hike today and DS said

Him: Will we see any animals on our adventure walk?
DH: Maybe some birds or squirrels.
Him: What about lions?
DH: I suppose there might be a mountain lion.
Him: Or a yeti.










My other favorite was driving in the car the other day. He says

Him: Hey mommy, our car is dirty. We should wash it.
Me: It's not that dirty.
Him: It is very dirty INDEED.

Whoa, you're 3! Did you just say INDEED?


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## Katsmamajama (Jun 24, 2009)

I love these!!

A nifty quote from my daughter (around 4-ish at the time): "Mommy, I can see in the dark, that means I'm nocturnal. They said on Aminal Planet that cats see in the dark because they're nocturnal, and since I'm a Kat, that means I am, too." (The "Aminal" is on purpose, too-- and her first name is actually Katarina, but she gets tired of correcting and insists she is "Just Kat")

Before we found out we were pregnant with DD2, DD1 begged and pleaded with us to let her have a sibling or, at the very least, a puppy-- but she'd rather have a sibling. So we finally feel comfortable letting her know that we're expecting, and I decide to ask her just one more time, "if you could choose, what would you pick: a baby, or a puppy." She threw me for a loop, and said a puppy! Okay, so I let her know that we're going to have a baby, and she says, "oh, okay..........are we still getting a puppy?"

A borrowed one from my friend's 5 year old: Friend's DD had been playing tag with my DD and some other friends, and hit a slippery spot in the grass. Friend's BF says, "heads up, there's a puddle there!" Not totally being a smart-alec, but as a general idea, because the park had all sorts of hidden low spots. Friend's DD turns to him and says, "Thanks, Captain Olivia!"


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## jump mama jump! (Jun 12, 2010)

My nephew is 7. Long story short, a few days ago my sister and I were explaining transexuality/transgender/gender roles to him. I had explained that sometimes people have surgery if they really wanna change sexes. The next day they're at the doc's office, located in a big medical complex, and he sees the sign saying "outpatient surgery" and asks his mom, "is that where you go to have surgery to become a girl?"

I laughed so hard when my sis told me this. Now she doesn't want me talking about "this stuff" with him. Nevermind that we'd been talking about it and he overheard and started asking questions. Actually, he has a much better understanding of these things than I think a lot of adults do now.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Ds was about 3 and we were at the park. He was scared of dogs, and there was someone walking his dog at the park. I explained to ds that it was OK because the owner had the dog on a leash and the dog wasn't coming near us.

"What's an owner?" ds asked.
"Someone who takes care of a dog and makes sure it does what it's supposed to do," I replied.
"Are you my owner?" he asked.

And just about a month ago, dh was out of town. I'd had a long, hard week up late grading/getting ready to teach and really needed some sleep. So, on Saturday evening I said to ds (9) (who's an early riser):

"Tomorrow morning, you can do anything you want in the morning (thinking he'd play computer games) as long as it doesn't involve the stove or waking me up before 8 am."
He looked at me with a sly grin and said "Can I drive the car?"
The little imp! I see a future lawyer.


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## Lady Mayapple (Apr 26, 2010)

We're driving down my parents' dirt road, way out in the sticks. Two very large bucks jump in front of us. DS2, 3.75yo, yells OH MY GOD MOM! KANGAROOS!!!!! I guess he thought they were kangaroos because of the way deer bound and jump?


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## MsVyky (May 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 

"Are you my owner?" he asked.


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## Qbear'smama (Jul 15, 2008)

A few days ago, I was getting ready for work, walking around the house in my underwear and DD pipes up, wide-eyed and serious, "Mommy, those panties are waaaaaaaay too small for you, I can see your bum hanging out, they're waaaaaay too small!" Ok, I am pregnant and do have a little junk in the trunk anyway...so I tell my coworker this later on and we laugh about it and when I see DD later that day I say, "I told Jane what you said about my underwear being too small and she thought it was really funny." DD, very seriously replied, "It's not!" I guess I need to get some bigger underwear!


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## MittensKittens (Oct 26, 2008)

I have to share this







. My DS is 18 months old. We live in Serbia, which was bombed by NATO a decade back. There are still some bombed buildings around the city, which have just been left there, and we pass them in the bus often. Today, there was something of a traffic jam. My little son intensely looked at one of the bombed buildings, started pulling very serious faces, and in the end pointed at the building and said: "Building is hurting".


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## Bena (Jan 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MittensKittens* 
I have to share this







. My DS is 18 months old. We live in Serbia, which was bombed by NATO a decade back. There are still some bombed buildings around the city, which have just been left there, and we pass them in the bus often. Today, there was something of a traffic jam. My little son intensely looked at one of the bombed buildings, started pulling very serious faces, and in the end pointed at the building and said: "Building is hurting".

ooohh...that is just so sweet!!!!


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

DD mostly amuses us by being more adult than we expect - she's 26 months and very verbal.

So, the other day we were all in bed, and she was on the far side giving Daddy a kiss on the cheek. I said "Can Mummy have a kiss too?" and DD off-handedly said "No. Can't reach." OK then!









She also asks me to sing "Row row a boat genna downa stream CROTADILE!" - it comes out in a great rush because I only sang her the crocodile version recently, and she panics that I might accidentally sing the regular, boring verse unless she remind me. So one hears, ten times a day in ever-increasing pitch and franticness "Mummy sing a row row a boat gennadownastreamCROTADILE!!........ pease".


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## Oubliette8 (Apr 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Surfacing* 
Oh man, these are funny.

Right now dd2 is into saying "Dammit!". A Lot. All the time. For almost everything she gets frustrated with. And for a 2 y.o., that's a lot. E.g., she can't get her remote control car to fit in the trunk of another car she's playing with: "DAMMIT!"

ROTFL, I still remeber when I learned that word- my father took me canoeing and dropped the canoe on his foot and let it fly. It became my favorite word for some time after, I thought it must be a really cool word if my Dad had said it. My parents took me aside after awhile and had to explain that its not REALLY the kind of word you say ALL THE TIME.

I also remember, when I was in Elementary School- third grade maybe? My parents serve us sauerkraut for dinner. I thought it was disgusting. The next day, some other kids tricked the teacher into eating an Atomic Fireball. Her face contorted up and she said "It tastes like..." And I chimed in- "Sour Crap?!?" The teacher looked at me and asked if I was SURE I was allowed to say that word, to which I replied, "Oh yes, we had some for dinner last night!"


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Oubliette8* 
"It tastes like..." And I chimed in- "Sour Crap?!?" The teacher looked at me and asked if I was SURE I was allowed to say that word, to which I replied, "Oh yes, we had some for dinner last night!"











Another word both kids have heard us say inadvertantly is "Sh!t". I'll never forget the first time I heard dd1 who was not quite 2 y.o. peering at our air purifier, playing with the buttons, and muttering, "Sh!T! Sh!T!" really emphasizing the "T". Oh man, that was funny!

The other day dd2 said it too.







I just ignored it but thought it was hilarious.

Aah children.


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## cdmommie (Aug 7, 2007)

My 2 (almost 3) year old has a 2 piece bathing suit and when we get ready to go swimming she will bring me her swim suit top and say:

"WAIT, I need my swim nursers first!"

Here's another one from my lovely Evelyn:

E: "Hey I see me in my baby sister"
Me: "Oh, do you mean she looks like you?"
E: "Ya! She looks just like my butt!"

Upon further investigation I figured out she was trying to tell me that her and her sissy had butts that looked the same... but what she actually said was funnier


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## Theoretica (Feb 2, 2008)




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