# in laws spanked without permission!



## bethanphetamine (Aug 15, 2007)

so, the hubby and i went out last night for a rare night alone to see a movie. he's a huge indiana jones fan and has been waiting all year for this movie to come out. we are currently staying at my in-laws' house while we are looking for a house ourselves (we just moved back to az). so we left our 20 month old son with my in-laws for a few hours while we were out. we have left him with my parents and my in-laws before. most of the time i worry about something happening because they seem too lax on some things and give him what he wants, even if it's not good for him (my MIL fed him german chocolate cake at 8 months old!!!). well apparently last night they went for a walk and my son received a "swat on the butt" for running into the street.

i swear this makes me want to sob. we don't spank. it breaks my heart that my son didn't deserve this and i don't know what to do. i don't want to explain myself to my in laws and have to justify not spanking. i don't understand why grandparents can't just let the parents be in charge of parenting! i'm not sure even if i did yell at them for spanking him, that they wouldn't do it again. i definately explained my displeasure with the cake incident.

our normal routine for outside for walks or near streets is that our son has to hold someone's hand. if he doesn't, then we go inside. he's actually quite good about this, but i know my in-laws don't enforce the hand holding rule. which makes my heart pound in the first place.

i'm really at a loss for what to do. i feel like i can't trust them to watch him anymore. any advice?


----------



## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Have you told them not to hit him? If yes and they did anyhow I would stop leaving him alone with them. They aren't respecting boundries. If not, tell them. If they agree, ok. If not, simply find alternate care if you can.







So sorry - I would be so upset too.


----------



## sbgrace (Sep 22, 2004)

That happened to us too once. I was pretty upset (we have never spanked and never would...my son was I think close to three).

In our case I told them we don't spank and I didn't want them spanking either and how I would have handled the situation. I think MIL felt bad but it's never happened again. In your case, though, not holding his hand when he's around streets is the biggest problem here. I wouldn't trust them to watch him outside unless he was going to be in a stroller or something similar. I can't imagine a person who wouldn't hold a small child's hand in this situation. Your kid will forget the swat. But he could have been hit by a car. That's big.


----------



## mama2mygirl (Dec 14, 2005)

I'm sorry. I would be furious.
I think you need to be clear with them, "If you hit him, you can't be around him." And then enforce it. You don't have to be angry,just factual. It's a fact.Plain and simple.


----------



## bethanphetamine (Aug 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rmzbm* 
Have you told them not to hit him? If yes and they did anyhow I would stop leaving him alone with them. They aren't respecting boundries. If not, tell them. If they agree, ok. If not, simply find alternate care if you can.







So sorry - I would be so upset too.


i don't think we've directly sat down and said "okay we're not spanking, everyone in agreement?" but we've mentioned it in passing conversation.


----------



## soybeansmama (Jan 26, 2006)

Whoa...you guys need to sit down and talk this out. You need to trust that whoever is watching your child is on the same page about what you expect. I am sorry. I would be devistated if my family members did something like this. They need to understand how important it is to you...


----------



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Oh boy. If this were ME and MY IL's, contact would be severed for a long while. They know our stance, and even if we DID spank, no one but parents should ever do it. I don't know if you had ever told them, but to me, it's a no brainer. I would have a long talk with them and tell them you simply can not trust them with your child. First, because they are not careful enough with a small toddler near a street, and secondly because they HIT your child. Ugh. It makes me sick. Yeah, no way my IL's would EVER have dd alone again. I'm so sorry this happened.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
i feel like i can't trust them to watch him anymore. any advice?

Your instincts are right. You can't trust them to watch him anymore. I can't trust my parents to watch my daughter either, and that's one of the big reasons. It's sad but it's the way things are.


----------



## bethanphetamine (Aug 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
Oh boy. If this were ME and MY IL's, contact would be severed for a long while. They know our stance, and even if we DID spank, no one but parents should ever do it. I don't know if you had ever told them, but to me, it's a no brainer. I would have a long talk with them and tell them you simply can not trust them with your child. First, because they are not careful enough with a small toddler near a street, and secondly because they HIT your child. Ugh. It makes me sick. Yeah, no way my IL's would EVER have dd alone again. I'm so sorry this happened.


i guess what makes this so much more difficult is that there are other family situations going on that we disagree with. and if we ever discuss our displeasure with our son being around activity that we don't want him exposed to, my MIL is passive aggressive about it and makes me feel like the scum of the earth. i normally get along with her quite well, except when it comes to dicipline, and while we are staying under her roof, i feel like i shouldn't rock the boat.

i'm very non confrontational and i just don't know if sitting them down to explain would help or just make things more tense. i'm scared to say that i also don't know if it would keep them from spanking or just keep them from telling us they spanked. it breaks my heart to think of holding it over their head saying they can't be alone with him if they do it. i feel like that would make everything so much worse too because our relationship with them would be strained even more.

i thought about having them read through a discipline book that we like or something and just saying "just so everyone's on the same page...i'd like everyone to read this."


----------



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I hear you on the MIL passive aggressive thing. Mine is too. And I totally understand about the strained relationships, ours is too, partly due to the fact that *I* choose to raise my children VASTLY different than they did. I understand how uncomfortable it can be. While we've never had to live with our IL's, they did move in ACROSS THE STREET shortly after dd1 was born. It was horrible. I bit my tongue for so long. BUT I finally had to realize that this was my CHILD and she had no one but me to stick up for her. They (IL's) were affecting my marriage, and my mental stability, especially my MIL with her P/A ways. I am very non-confrontational, but I had to ultimately say what was on my mind. Have you read the book Toxic In Laws? It's wonderful, and helped me realize I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I did. It also helped me see things from dh's perspective (another issue there!) and what to say, how to speak up for myself. I hope that helps you some, this must be very very hard.


----------



## fresh_water (Feb 29, 2008)

This is the main reason my ILs will NOT be a babysitter for us. They can't be bothered to watch the older grandkids (I'm talking between 6 and 14 years old) and some children have been irreversibly harmed by it. I have a nephew who is a 12 year old sexual repeat offender. He was at the IL's house and they also had some other children there. KNOWING he should not be left alone with ANY child EVER, they couldn't be bothered to watch him and he offended again. A set back in his treatment for one thing, and for another, there are now some more little victims because of it.









If you cannot trust someone to keep an eye on your child when you entrust them to, that's a deal breaker. If someone hit my child (against our parenting philosophy) because the caregiver wasn't watching DS, they wouldn't be watching him anymore. Plain and simple.


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

You have to stand up and be the mama. Do not LET MIL make you feel like scum. You want what is best for your child and YOU are the mama.

That would be the last time for a LONG LONG time they were alone with my child.

-Angela


----------



## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

I dont' get why anyone feels that they have the authority to spank another's child, even if that child is their grandchild. To me it's not even an issue of whether you spank or don't spank (that is, even if you did spank, I think it would be way out of line for another person to spank the child). I think this is a question of trust and boundaries. They need to trust that you are a good mother and are raising your child within your beliefs. They need to realize that they are not the parents. They are not merely questioning your decision not to spank, they are questioning you as a mother.

I am also non-confrontational about these really sensitive topics, and seeing as how you are living with them, I would approach this as a kind of "let's not ruin the grandparent/grandchild relationship by spanking." Seriously, my children ADORE their grandparents and would be absolutely CRUSHED if their grandparents spanked them. I mean, totally irreversibly DEVASTATED. But, yes, a serious talk is definitely called for. They do need to know that spanking is unacceptable under all circumstances, but how you let them know is up to you.


----------



## kmeyrick (Aug 30, 2006)

I think DH needs to tell them how upset _he_ is, otherwise you are just the bitchy, neurotic weird daughter-in-law. Who is driving a wedge between them, their boy and grandchild you witch you!









If DH explains how mad _he_ is, and how _he_ doesn't believe in spanking, and this is _him_ putting his foot down. It will send a powerful message.


----------



## ians_mommy (Apr 5, 2008)

On this issue you need to be confrontational. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable a mood it creates in the house...they assualted your child and need to know it was wrong!
I would not hesitate to lay into any adult that hit or otherwise assualted my son. Heck, my annoying MIL swatted my dog once and I laid into her for that! I can't imagine what I would say if it was my son!


----------



## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

I'm so sorry this happened! I would be livid!

I do think you and your dh need to sit down with the inlaws and say "We don't spank, please respect that." And explain why you don't. If they have problems with that, say you appreciate how much they're helping you, but you're still the parent's and this will be the way you parent your child.

I think it's important to communicate with them how you want to parent, because as sad as this will sound, how were they supposed to know? I know my in laws think a swat on the butt is no big deal and wouldn't think twice about giving my son one if I didn't lay down the law with them. It doesn't excuse what they did or make it right, but they probably don't see anything wrong with it. So you really do need to explain it to them.

Also, until I was 100% positive you and them were on the same page and in absolute agreement on the spanking issue, I wouldn't leave him alone with them.

Since you are staying in their house, it's really important not to alienate them, but it's even more important to make sure you're protecting your child and your parenting methods. So be firm but tactful.

Good luck and hugs!


----------



## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

One more thing, I think you need to clarify what you mean by "no spanking." Just the fact that they called it a "swat on the butt" means that perhaps they are trying to side-step your definition of spanking. You know, well it really wasn't a spanking, just a swat.

Perhaps "Laying hands upon my child in any way other than loving/caring/guiding/teaching is considered spanking in our family."


----------



## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Anytime we have left our children with anyone we have always been very clear that we don't spank or do time outs. This goes for grandparents (who we told from the minute the kids were born), babysitters, teachers, etc. We also tell them what works with our kids.

While I think it sucks that your MIL hit your child, unfortunately it is the most common way to deal with misbehaviour (if you believe any of the polls that say 85-95% of parents believe spanking is ok). I would recommend you sit down immediately and tell them what is and is not acceptable in terms of discipline.


----------



## EljayMom (May 22, 2008)

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I would be beyond furious. In fact, my FIL once told my DS, "You're going to get a spanking." I just about ripped FIL's head off (verbally, of course; for me, no hitting applies to adults too). He hasn't repeated the threat.

We lived with a member of the extended family for a while. It was incredibly difficult, in spite of the fact that before we moved in, DH told the person in question to NEVER lay a hand on one of our children to discipline. DH and I agreed that if that ever happened, even once, we would be gone _that day_, and that person would never see our children again. (The family member in question was abusive to another child many years ago, though not to the children in the following generations.)

I think you (meaning you and DH together; he definitely needs to take the lead on this, since it's his family) need to sit down with your in-laws and tell them, calmly but firmly, that they are never to spank your child again. You don't have to make into an issue of judging their parenting choices; just tell them that you will not allow anyone to hit your child.

I'd have serious concerns about leaving them in charge of the child again, not just because of the hitting. Yes, a child might slip away from even a careful adult and run toward a street, but it sounds like you have long-standing concerns about their safety awareness. I suspect your instincts are telling you not to leave him with them for that reason alone, quite aside from the fact that they hit him. And you expressed concern that they might do it again and simply not tell you. That, to me, speaks volumes.

My in-laws aren't allowed to supervise my children for similar reasons--the spanking threat (and the fact that I also don't trust them not to do it behind our backs), and the fact that they simply don't pay attention to safety. Regardless, you still have to tell them that it's not acceptable to hit your child. It isn't an issue where silence will solve anything, and you'll continue to be angry until it's addressed.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ramama* 
One more thing, I think you need to clarify what you mean by "no spanking." Just the fact that they called it a "swat on the butt" means that perhaps they are trying to side-step your definition of spanking. You know, well it really wasn't a spanking, just a swat.

Perhaps "Laying hands upon my child in any way other than loving/caring/guiding/teaching is considered spanking in our family."

To the OP - If you're going to let them continue to watch him, I'd recommend adding something about physically restraining during a tantrum, because that's one of the areas where I had problems between my daughter and my parents. People don't always realize how much bigger they are than little kids and how much damage can be done by physically restraining them like that.


----------



## bethanphetamine (Aug 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kmeyrick* 
I think DH needs to tell them how upset _he_ is, otherwise you are just the bitchy, neurotic weird daughter-in-law. Who is driving a wedge between them, their boy and grandchild you witch you!










If DH explains how mad _he_ is, and how _he_ doesn't believe in spanking, and this is _him_ putting his foot down. It will send a powerful message.


talked to the hubby this morning about it. come to find out, he thinks nothing of it and apparently "probably would have done the same thing."

i'm beyond crushed and seriously just want to curl up and sob. i asked him if he had ever spanked our son and he said he had "given him a few swats." obviously never around me. i'm so mad and upset that my head feels like it's going to explode. i have no idea where this came from. we have discussed not spanking and i just don't know where this turn around came from.

this definately now explains why our son hits so much.

i'm so devestated.


----------



## mlec (May 29, 2005)

Oh my goodness...I am so sorry! You must feel like you've been sucker-punched. Wish I had some advice.


----------



## runes (Aug 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
talked to the hubby this morning about it. come to find out, he thinks nothing of it and apparently "probably would have done the same thing."

i'm beyond crushed and seriously just want to curl up and sob. i asked him if he had ever spanked our son and he said he had "given him a few swats." obviously never around me. i'm so mad and upset that my head feels like it's going to explode. i have no idea where this came from. we have discussed not spanking and i just don't know where this turn around came from.

this definately now explains why our son hits so much.

i'm so devestated.

oh, mama.







i am so so sorry. how heartbreaking to find this out like that. i truly hope that you and your husband can resolve this and come to a peaceful resolution.


----------



## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
talked to the hubby this morning about it. come to find out, he thinks nothing of it and apparently "probably would have done the same thing."

Playing devil's advocate here.. but a lot of people don't consider a swat on the butt or a smack on the hand has bonafide "spanking". I'm not saying I agree with this, and I don't hit at all (not even "swats, smacks, or pops"), but in talking with a variety of people since becoming a mother, this is something that has come up several times. "Oh a smack on the hand? Yeah I did that when she touched the electrical outlet. _That's_ not spanking."

So, just because you may have discussed it with your husband in the past, doesn't necessarily mean he was deliberately undermining you or going behind your back to do something that he knows you would disapprove of. He may have never thought of a "swat on the butt" as spanking before, so please do have an indedpth discussion about this before curling up into a ball and sobbing. I really hope this is just a giant miscommunication between the two of you. It's been known to happen to me and my husband as well. I try to remain as objective as possible until we get all the cards on the table.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kmeyrick* 
I think DH needs to tell them how upset _he_ is, otherwise you are just the bitchy, neurotic weird daughter-in-law. Who is driving a wedge between them, their boy and grandchild you witch you!









If DH explains how mad _he_ is, and how _he_ doesn't believe in spanking, and this is _him_ putting his foot down. It will send a powerful message.

You are absolutely right.









I am pretty sure that my FIL thinks I am the "neurotic weird DIL."







When really, my DH and I are on the same page about EVERYTHING.


----------



## Genesis (Jan 8, 2007)

Oops, just saw the update. I'm so sorry for you and for your son, too.









I hope you can get your DH to understand that it is not okay to hit your son. Good luck.


----------



## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Playing devil's advocate here.. but a lot of people don't consider a swat on the butt or a smack on the hand has bonafide "spanking". I'm not saying I agree with this, and I don't hit at all (not even "swats, smacks, or pops"), but in talking with a variety of people since becoming a mother, this is something that has come up several times. "Oh a smack on the hand? Yeah I did that when she touched the electrical outlet. _That's_ not spanking."

So, just because you may have discussed it with your husband in the past, doesn't necessarily mean he was deliberately undermining you or going behind your back to do something that he knows you would disapprove of. He may have never thought of a "swat on the butt" as spanking before, so please do have an indedpth discussion about this before curling up into a ball and sobbing. I really hope this is just a giant miscommunication between the two of you. It's been known to happen to me and my husband as well. I try to remain as objective as possible until we get all the cards on the table.









I agree that sometimes there is a definite difference in definition of "spanking" and that what some call a swat or a pop or a smack would be called "spanking" by others. I do find it highly suspicious that OP's DH only swatted the child when the mother was not around. That *may* indicate that he knew that, whether he would call it "spanking" or not, his wife would disapprove.

To the OP: I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through and how you feel right now. Man, I don' even know what to say...just hugs.


----------



## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

_They struck a 20 month old?_ Whoa







I would be absolutely livid. I'd probably half to calm down before I could even speak to them about it. I am so sorry this happened to your wee one.

To echo everyone else...yes, make it very clear that any kind of physical punishment is totally out of the question.


----------



## tallulahma (Jun 16, 2006)

I would be sick.

Once dh "swatted" dds hand because he didnt *think* that was spanking and "it wasnt even hard".... and "she couldve hurt herself"....blah

I was livid. I made dh sit down & apologize and explain why what he did to her was unacceptable and had him promise her she was safe and he would never hit her again.


----------



## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ramama* 
I agree that sometimes there is a definite difference in definition of "spanking" and that what some call a swat or a pop or a smack would be called "spanking" by others. I do find it highly suspicious that OP's DH only swatted the child when the mother was not around. That *may* indicate that he knew that, whether he would call it "spanking" or not, his wife would disapprove.

To the OP: I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through and how you feel right now. Man, I don' even know what to say...just hugs.

Sure, but before they engage in war over this, I think it would serve the situation well to sit down and draw up very clear definitions of what constitutes "spanking" and then talk about why you don't do it, why you don't want others to do it, and how they are going to handle the inlaws.

My husband and I have very different views on TV/cartoons. He thinks it's a right of passage, I could totally do without them. So when I'm not home he might turn the TV for an episode of the smurfs or something, but it's not because he knows I "disapprove" so he must therefore do it behind my back. He just does things differently than I, and an hour or 2 of TV a week isn't enough to make me go to bat over the cause. You know?

It's entirely possible that *IF* this is a miscommunication, that not only could the definition of spanking not have been clear, but the importance of making sure everyone comply, as opposed to a "you do your thing, and I'll do my thing" kind of situation.

In any case, I'd be pissed. I really would. BUT, I'd try to figure out where the break down in communication happened before I went to bat over it.


----------



## ramama (Apr 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Sure, but before they engage in war over this, I think it would serve the situation well to sit down and draw up very clear definitions of what constitutes "spanking" and then talk about why you don't do it, why you don't want others to do it, and how they are going to handle the inlaws.

My husband and I have very different views on TV/cartoons. He thinks it's a right of passage, I could totally do without them. So when I'm not home he might turn the TV for an episode of the smurfs or something, but it's not because he knows I "disapprove" so he must therefore do it behind my back. He just does things differently than I, and an hour or 2 of TV a week isn't enough to make me go to bat over the cause. You know?

It's entirely possible that *IF* this is a miscommunication, that not only could the definition of spanking not have been clear, but the importance of making sure everyone comply, as opposed to a "you do your thing, and I'll do my thing" kind of situation.

In any case, I'd be pissed. I really would. BUT, I'd try to figure out where the break down in communication happened before I went to bat over it.

Agreed. They definitely need to get on the same page as mother and father before handling the in-laws. Hopefully once a united front has been established, the in-laws will follow suit.


----------



## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ramama* 
Agreed. They definitely need to get on the same page as mother and father before handling the in-laws. Hopefully once a united front has been established, the in-laws will follow suit.


----------



## texmati (Oct 19, 2004)

:

MIL lives with us. This is one of my big fears is that she'll be a 'swatter'.


----------



## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
this definately now explains why our son hits so much.

I definitely agree with what has already been said, but I didn't want to let this pass. Please realize that even children that have never been struck or ever seen anyone struck will hit. Yes, it might have had an influence. But hitting is a really natural response for a child and even children treated in the most gentle of ways can and will hit sometimes. Which doesn't make it right for your DH or ILs to hit your child, of course.


----------



## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
I definitely agree with what has already been said, but I didn't want to let this pass. Please realize that even children that have never been struck or ever seen anyone struck will hit. Yes, it might have had an influence. *But hitting is a really natural response for a child and even children treated in the most gentle of ways can and will hit sometimes.* Which doesn't make it right for your DH or ILs to hit your child, of course.

I also wanted to say this. My son was the worst hitter you could ever imagine. And we never laid a finger on him. I have no idea where he picked it up, but he was a late talker so my guess is that he was frustrated because he couldn't communicate.


----------



## wife&mommy (May 26, 2005)

Only one way to stop this if you don't want to explain it to them - don't leave him alone with them, period. I don't, because I know I can't trust my in-laws to do what I ask of them. Or my dad.


----------



## KBinSATX (Jan 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
i feel like i can't trust them to watch him anymore. any advice?

EXACTLY! Just let them know that they won't be spending any time unsupervised with your child again.
And mean it.


----------



## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fresh_water* 
I have a nephew who is a 12 year old sexual repeat offender.


Off topic, I know, but how is that possible? He's just a child himself. I doa gree he shouldn't be alone with younger children, btw.

Anyhow, as for the OP, that is rough. I had to have a tlak with my mom when she threatened my daughter that if she didn't listen, grandma would find a big stick. I wasn't at all antispanking at the time, but that is NOT ok. I had a hard time explaining why, as I dont' even know. (My parents used a stick on me, it's not abuse, at least n my case). I just know there is no way in hell I would EVER use a stick on my child, or allow anyone else to.

And I did notice my daughter got WAY better about hitting when I stopped spanking.


----------



## bethanphetamine (Aug 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Evan&Anna's_Mom* 
I definitely agree with what has already been said, but I didn't want to let this pass. Please realize that even children that have never been struck or ever seen anyone struck will hit. Yes, it might have had an influence. But hitting is a really natural response for a child and even children treated in the most gentle of ways can and will hit sometimes. Which doesn't make it right for your DH or ILs to hit your child, of course.

i know, and i assumed until now that this is all it was. but it just makes it harder to teach him to stop hitting, which i've been having a lot of trouble with.


----------



## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bethanphetamine* 
and while we are staying under her roof, i feel like i shouldn't rock the boat.


Okay, I'm trying to say this as gently as possible, so don't take this the wrong way







. That is the wrong attitude to have. You and your husband are adults and you are the ones responsible for the safety of your child. Just because you are staying with your in-laws doesn't revert you back to the status of a small child who doesn't have any say in what goes on in that house. (Not that I think children should be voiceless).

Please give your in-laws some ground rules about how to handle situations like this in the future. Assume that they meant well, but just need a little guidance in how they should have responded. My husband and I used to play a game where we'd imagine a scenario with the kids and figure out ways to respond that kept our GD ideals.


----------



## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

:


----------



## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

When they told me what happened and what they did, I would have reacted, strongly and without any regard whatsoever to their feelings. I'm not at all diplomatic, and I would have yelled out something like "Oh, dear God, NO! You HIT him?"

And while the ranting and raving I would have done is probably not the best way to keep the peace in the family, they damn well would have know in about 3 seconds flat that if they ever laid a finger on him again they'd never see him again, and I'd mean it. Especially since it was THEIR FAULT for not holding his hand in the first place.


----------



## Lily Eve (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
When they told me what happened and what they did, I would have reacted, strongly and without any regard whatsoever to their feelings. I'm not at all diplomatic, and I would have yelled out something like "Oh, dear God, NO! You HIT him?"

And while the ranting and raving I would have done is probably not the best way to keep the peace in the family, they damn well would have know in about 3 seconds flat that if they ever laid a finger on him again they'd never see him again, and I'd mean it. Especially since it was THEIR FAULT for not holding his hand in the first place.









:

I would've been livid and foaming at the mouth. First of all, what kind of person doesn't hold the hand of a 20 month old?? That's just stupidity. And then to smack them? The grandparents and husband are the ones that deserve the smacks in my opinion. And I would tell them that in no uncertain terms. Hitting is NEVER a logical solution. Ever.


----------



## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lily Eve* 
First of all, what kind of person doesn't hold the hand of a 20 month old?? That's just stupidity.

I don't. I haven't with either of my children. Now if they ask me to hold their hand, I do, but it's not a steadfast rule. I'm not stupid at all. It's just not a rule for us, and it works perfectly fine. We walk to the grocery, church, restaurants, etc., and I keep my children safe without holding their hands or restraining them.

OP, it doesn't sound as if you've been clear with anyone about what you expect. You need to be more assertive about getting everyone on the same page first. It didn't seem to me as if you'd even told the grandparents that you don't approve of physical punishment in any way. They cannot read your mind; you have to be completely clear with other people about your wishes.


----------



## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Maybe your MIL should be spanked for giving a 20 month old the opportunity to run into the street. Seriously, why wasn't she holding his hand or paying close attention?







:
I know kids bolt sometimes, but when you are taking a leisurely stroll it seems that a person should be able to keep the child from running off.

If it were me, I'd never let them babysit again. The swat probably didn't hurt, especially if he has a diaper on. Not that it matters, it's the principal of the act that counts.


----------



## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
I don't. I haven't with either of my children. Now if they ask me to hold their hand, I do, but it's not a steadfast rule. I'm not stupid at all. It's just not a rule for us, and it works perfectly fine. We walk to the grocery, church, restaurants, etc., and I keep my children safe without holding their hands or restraining them.

I hear ya, it usually works for us to keep a hand gently placed on his head or back or keep my body between me and the street and stay aware. Holding hands could get uncomfortable for short little ones.

There are plenty of ways MIL could have prevented the incident. I would be so livid.


----------

