# logical consequence for sticking out your tongue?



## ccasanova (Dec 18, 2003)

I was trying to think of a logical consequence to my dd sticking out her tongue at her siblings, but I couldn't think of any. All that comes to mind, is what previous generations did. you know, the hotsauce in the mouth. That seems mean though...and I can't imagine myself chasing her down to catch her because she is scared of getting hotsauce in her mouth!







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## guest9921 (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ccasanova* 
I was trying to think of a logical consequence to my dd sticking out her tongue at her siblings, but I couldn't think of any. All that comes to mind, is what previous generations did. you know, the hotsauce in the mouth. That seems mean though...and I can't imagine myself chasing her down to catch her because she is scared of getting hotsauce in her mouth!







:


Err.
Hotsauce on the tongue falls under 'cruel and unusual punishment' for me.

I'd say, sticking out your tongue and being ignored, if its causing a problem.

If her siblings are older (or old enough), I'd ask them to turn their back to her tongue. The negative attention is what she's after, no?


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## ccasanova (Dec 18, 2003)

well yes, she has been doing things to get on her brother/sisters nerves lately. For example, she copy's what they say, until they are getting angry. Then they get upset, tell her that they are not going to play with her or talk to her, and she then acts sad, starts to cry on demand, and tells them, "I want to play with you!" or, "I want you to talk to me!"

I don't know why she has started to act like that recently. Her older siblings have times when they don't want her to play with them, but it is because of how she starts to behave. They aren't ignoring her just to be mean to her for no reason.

The reason I want her to curb her tongue thing is because her younger brother (2 y.o.) is a big mimic, and she is doing it to him for no reason. Not because she's angry or anything, just out of the blue. I don't want him to start doing it to. Ugh! Well, no one ever said parenting was easy! lol!

Hmm, I'll have to think this through further I guess. Should I tell her that if I see her teasing and doing things to get people upset, that she'll have to stay with me? I've been putting her on the stairs for a few minutes, but i don't think that will keep her from doing it again. I think that if I had her older siblings turn their back on her if she does it, then all that dramatic crying will start. But, in theory, you would think that if she saw that people won't want to play with her when she's behaving that way, she'll stop. Hmm, any more suggestions? I need a plan


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

Yikes, hot sauce on the tongue seems very illogical to me! Glad that's not the route you're taking







. I agree that she's after the rage reaction from her siblings, and perhaps it might be helpful for them to know that as soon as little sister starts sticking out her tongue, copying, or doing other things that get in the way of their play, that they are allowed to go somewhere she can not follow, and tell her they need some space and time away from her. And then Mom follows through with this, reminding her (when she cries and wants to play) that they won't be gone long, and as soon as they're feeling less aggravated, they'll come out and she can try again.

Clara


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## Tamee (Jul 6, 2006)

Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with sticking your tongue out and I don't really think it should be punished.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ccasanova* 
well yes, she has been doing things to get on her brother/sisters nerves lately. For example, she copy's what they say, until they are getting angry. Then they get upset, tell her that they are not going to play with her or talk to her, and she then acts sad, starts to cry on demand, and tells them, "I want to play with you!" or, "I want you to talk to me!"

Perhaps tell her that if she wants to play, then she can say "I want to play with you" right off the bat. It sounds like her *reason* for sticking her tongue out is that she wants to interact. So, teach her a better way to tell people that she wants to interact. Or maybe tell her that instead of sticking out her tongue, she can give a nice big smile, or something like that.

Quote:

Should I tell her that if I see her teasing and doing things to get people upset, that she'll have to stay with me?
That sounds good to me. I wouldn't state it as a punishment, just as "oh, it seems that your brother is a little aggitated at the moment. Hey, why don't you come with me until he calms down?" or something like that. To let her know that he actions DO have an effect on others.

Here's another idea-
I told ds that his whining was really irritating to me. I asked him if he'd like me to HELP him stop whining, and he said yes. We talked about what would be good ways to help him stop. He didn't offer any solutions, of course, but I offered some of my own (some outrageous just for comedic effect) and he'd say yes it would help, or no it wouldn't.
Perhaps if you asked your dd how you could HELP her stop sticking her tongue out, that would give you some ideas. You could offer some ideas (would it help you stop if I reminded you to say "play with me" instead?), and then perhaps when you implemented one, she might see the connection.
It would come across as a team effort, mom and dd working together, rather than a struggle between the two of you.


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## bec (Dec 13, 2002)

Oh the hot sauce idea just makes me cringe. Please don't do this. Among other things, children's mouths and taste buds are so much more sensitive to adults that you can really hurt her with hot sauce!

As far as the copying and teasing, I'm wondering at the age of your kids. Maybe, when the older ones need some space, you can take the cue from them (or her, when she starts that behavior) and spend some time with her. Read a book, play a game, cook in the kitchen, just something to show her that she can still get attention without resorting to dramatic techniques.


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## bec (Dec 13, 2002)

Taking a page out of Playful Parenting, you could turn it into a game. Oh, I see that tongue out. Let's see if you can balance this popsicle stick on it all the way around the room! It might distract everyone from the negative energy while also serving as a gentle reminder to not use the tongue that way.

You could also come up with a short phrase to remind her not to do it, "tongues are for licking, not for sticking."


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## kaylee18 (Dec 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tamee* 
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with sticking your tongue out and I don't really think it should be punished.









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She may not be aware that others may react unpredictably to the toungue-sticking-out, and that there may be better ways to get what she is seeking as far as interaction goes. But really, this is a non-issue. Sticking your tongue out is no more inherently bad than walking around with your thumb in your ear.

Intentionally inflicting pain on a child, on the other hand...







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I think the natural consequence for force-feeding hot sauce to a sentient being is (at a minimum) loss of trust from the victim, possibly long-term or permanent damage to the relationship as well. Logical consequences, IMO, would be assault charges.


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## Aura_Kitten (Aug 13, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tamee* 
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with sticking your tongue out and I don't really think it should be punished.









:

Quote:

Sticking your tongue out is no more inherently bad than walking around with your thumb in your ear.


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## chinaKat (Aug 6, 2005)

I would simply say that it's not polite to stick your tongue out at people and leave it at that. No big deal.

We talk with DD on a regular basis about manners and things that are polite to do (saying thank you, using a napkin, covering a sneeze) and things that are not polite to do (throwing food on the floor, yelling when somebody else is talking).

She's 2 and "gets it" more often than not. We don't make a big deal if she does something impolite, we just remind her that it's not polite to do xyz. Often, the next time the situation comes around, she will actually say something like "I put my napkin on the table instead of the floor today, that was polite!"

It's totally not a big deal in our house, we classify what manners are/are not just like we classify what kinds of birds are at the feeder or what the vehicles are at the construction site. Kids are naturally interested in learning about how the world works, so it's not hard fit abstract concepts in with the tangible stuff.


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I agree with the PP that say sticking your tongue out is not that big of a deal. It may be just your child's way of trying to express a feeling that she does not have the ability to express in words yet.

Ignoring it may be the best way to have it go away. And yes, younger sibling may copy but it will stop.

The logical consequence seems to me that she is making her siblings mad and they no longer want to play with her. Maybe you could articulate this for her? "When you stick your tongue out at your brother/sister it is mean. Your brother/sister doesn't want to play with you when your are being mean."

The hot souse idea sounds like the exact opposite way of parenting than what you are trying to do. I think you may have been just sharing that as the only way you have heard of anyone dealing with sticking out tongues? I agree with the pp, bad, bad idea.


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## ccasanova (Dec 18, 2003)

oh, I hope no one thinks I was thinking about doing the hot sauce! I was just stating what "conventionalally" is used for getting rid of foul language and other unpolite things done with the mouth. If she was just sticking her tongue out because she had no idea what she was doing, and more to like the side of her mouth kinda thing, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But she does know what she is doing. She is a very smart girl, and often does sneaky things, because her mind, can think older then she is. She will be 5 very soon, and her older siblings are almost 6 and almost 7. She has always been the spunky one of the bunch.







I want to curb this sooner then later, because the last thing I would want is for her to start doing this to her friends, or adults out of anger. Thanks for the ideas!


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## L&IsMama (Jan 24, 2006)

I would just ignore it,personally. Gotta pick your battles,you know? Just doesn't seem like something worth worrying about or trying to stop. She will eventually stop doing it when it gets no reaction.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

She's sticking her tongue out at her sibs?

STAY OUT OF IT! that's their problem, not yours. If she sticks her tongue out at you, I would say "that's not polite" and then move on. Or I'd ignore it.

Have you read "Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me?" It's a nice book about sibling interactions - and gives guidelines for when to step in and when not to.


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

I would just explain to her that it upsets her siblings and then ignore it. You aren't responsible for making sure your children never get upset with each other. That doesn't teach them how to handle their own conflicts, which is an important skill, IMO. I believe your job in your role as a parent to multiple children is to make sure that they don't hurt each other, destroy each other's belongings or take advantage of each other. Sticking a tongue out doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't hurt anyone's belongings and isn't taking advantage of anyone, so it's not your job to run after your daughter telling her not to stick her tongue out just because your other two kids don't like it. They can ignore it. They can walk away from it. It's not hurting them and they're old enough to understand that _they_ are responsible for how they react to things. You don't need them to depend on you to protect them from every unpleasant thing they might do to each other, however harmless it might be. It is _not_ your job to make sure that your kids never irritate each other, get mad at each other or disagree about things.

Soooo, I say that you explain to her how it makes them feel, explain to them that they are free to ignore it or walk away, then let it go. It's really not a big deal, IMO. I was raised in a very strict, very authoritarian household and even my super strict parents never involved themselves with little things like that, so I definitely think it's an easy one to let slide.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Ignore, ignore! Ignore her sticking out her toungue, and ignore her sibs reactions.


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## 2bluefish (Apr 27, 2006)

Take a picture, blow it up, and hang it in a promenant place if she's the vain type. That would have cured me! It's perfectly natural to take pictures of your children, and a logical consequence if you are going around acting ugly you're going to look ugly in pictures!


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Announce a new rule. _"From now on in our family, sticking your tounge out means, "I love you as much as icecream!"_

Seriously though. This sort of thing is only offensive if it is perceived as offensive. If ignored, it looses its power entirely and goes away.


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tamee* 
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with sticking your tongue out and I don't really think it should be punished.


That's exactly what I think.

~Nay


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
STAY OUT OF IT! that's their problem, not yours. If she sticks her tongue out at you, I would say "that's not polite" and then move on. Or I'd ignore it.

As someone who had sensory integration issues as a child, to the point that sometimes my little brother's breathing would make me unable to read, one of the major things I'm planning to change from how we were parented is that I'll step in sooner for this kind of thing.

I'd have loved to have had my parents recognize when my little brother was starting to bother me and step in to suggest that he play elsewhere for a bit. It would have also helped me immensely to have had the modeling for what words to use.

I was given a lot of tools for how to calm down once I was enraged, but not a lot of tools for how to avoid being enraged in the first place.

That said, sticking a tongue out wouldn't have bothered me. The copying and crying on cue would've had me spitting nails.


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kaylee18* 
Sticking your tongue out is no more inherently bad than walking around with your thumb in your ear.

It's also no worse than raising your middle finger at someone. Neither gesture is physically harmful, but the thought behind both actions is similar.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kaylee18* 
Sticking your tongue out is no more inherently bad than walking around with your thumb in your ear.

Yep, it's exactly as bad as walking around with your thumb in your ear and the other four fingers waggling away.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tamee* 
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with sticking your tongue out and I don't really think it should be punished.









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
She's sticking her tongue out at her sibs?

STAY OUT OF IT! that's their problem, not yours. If she sticks her tongue out at you, I would say "that's not polite" and then move on. Or I'd ignore it.









:


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## angela&avery (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ccasanova* 
I was trying to think of a logical consequence to my dd sticking out her tongue at her siblings, but I couldn't think of any. All that comes to mind, is what previous generations did. you know, the hotsauce in the mouth. That seems mean though...and I can't imagine myself chasing her down to catch her because she is scared of getting hotsauce in her mouth!







:









I would just ignore it. Maybe let her know one time that its not nice, or you dont like it and then ignore it after that. I try to ignore behaviors that are kind of rude, like testing behaviors (when they are trying things out) once i have let them know that its not ok. Or tell them its not ok to do it without getting overly upset about it. A negative reaction really encourages the behavior to continue.


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## pjlioness (Nov 29, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
Announce a new rule. _"From now on in our family, sticking your tounge out means, "I love you as much as icecream!"_

Seriously though. This sort of thing is only offensive if it is perceived as offensive. If ignored, it looses its power entirely and goes away.

I like that one...and it's playful. They'll all be giggling to hard to stick their tongues out.


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## katallen (Jan 4, 2005)

This seems like a pretty small thing. I would ignore it or at most tell the child to walk away and find somewhere else to be when you see it happen.


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## majikfaerie (Jul 24, 2006)

I believe the OPs original question was what are the logical consequences of poking one's tongue out.
personally, i'm much more into natural consequences... to be honest, the only real consequences of having one's tongue out is that it gets tired and dry. try it. stick your tongue out now and see how long you can keep it out for (dont worry, your computer wont be offended).

Really, I think the real issue here is not to find ingenious, gentle ways of making the child stop poking her tongue, but to get to the point of WHY she is acting in this way. the tongue is just a symptom, a way for her to get a certain kind of attention, or attention at all (and by the way, trying to get attention is NOT a "bad" thing; we all need it, and children are very creative in finding ways of getting it when it's not forthcoming freely).

So perhaps asking the girl how she feels, try to observe the situation before, during and after the tongue poking. I'd hazard a guess that the girl is trying to get her brothers to focus on her, when they are really trying to do something that is perhaps excluding her, or something along those lines.
Maybe she's just experimenting with different ways of getting a reaction.

What would you think if she was wiggling her nose rather than poking her tongue out? or some other non-offensive action?

in any case, tongue poking isn't a universally rude gesture, nor is the middle finger. I think addressing the bigger issues and causes are the best cause, perhaps while gently reminding the child that most people in our society find it rude to poke one's tongue out.


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## happeeevraftr (Mar 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
Announce a new rule. _"From now on in our family, sticking your tounge out means, "I love you as much as icecream!"_

Seriously though. This sort of thing is only offensive if it is perceived as offensive. If ignored, it looses its power entirely and goes away.

I like this!

But I also agree that it's important to help her deal with the feelings that are leading her to want to do this. Focusing on the gesture is missing the point, since she's obviously not doing it because she likes the way it feels to stick out her tongue. She needs something. Maybe just direction and guidance on how to deal with her frustrations.

Next time it happens, I'd pull her over, put my arm around her, and say something like, "I see you sticking your tongue out at your brother. Is that because you are angry at him? It seems to bother him when you stick your tongue out at him; is there a more pleasant way you could let him know how you're feeling?" And go from there, helping her figure out how to get what she needs.


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Sticking one's tongue out is rude certainly, but we can't really control other people's rudeness, not even that of our children. I think ignoring rude behavior is the standard GD way of dealing with it (once the child has been made aware that their behavior is "rude") In this case I have no doubt the child "knows" what she's doing. That's the whole point. She is looking for a way to gain some power and control over her siblings. Explain to the older sibs that the only way she gets to feel powerful from sticking out her tongue, is if they let her feel that way by reacting strongly to it. It really isn't harmful to anyone else. What's the worst that could happen? I know OP is also worried about the two year old picking up this behavior also but again so what? Eventually both children will grow out of the behaviour and know one will really have suffered for it.


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## duckling (Feb 24, 2007)

Sticking out a tongue isn't a big deal to me. In and of itself, I wouldn't get involved. However, when it's bothering her siblings, I would get selectively involved.Speaking as an older sibling who spent many a year doing the "Mooooom, he's existing!" thing, I would step in if the older siblings are behaving in a way that calls out for you to be involved--I know when my brother would do things that bothered me and my parents didn't intervene, it made me feel like my emotions of frustration were not valid or important enough to be protected.

I would say something like, "If you stick your tongue out at other people, they may not want to play with you." Then, when the natural consequences of her behavior kick in--her siblings get annoyed and want her to disappear from the face of the earth for a little bit, I would separate your dd from the older children and say something like, "Wow, I think your brother is upset that you're not playing in a nice way. How about you take your toy into the kitchen with me and let brother have some time by himself to cool off." I would be very careful to not banish your older children to their rooms or anything like that in response to your dd's behavior, as that could be perceived as punishment for her behavior, which could lead to resentment.


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## levar (Jan 28, 2002)

I usually just do one of three things, depending on my mood and the age appropriateness etc. I either just say "Dont Be Disrespectful" and move on, or I try to grab the tounge and make a game of it, or I say something like "Oh! Good Puppy! Want to fetch the ball..." because puppies tounges loll not childrens tounges, etc.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2bluefish* 
Take a picture, blow it up, and hang it in a promenant place if she's the vain type. That would have cured me! It's perfectly natural to take pictures of your children, and a logical consequence if you are going around acting ugly you're going to look ugly in pictures!

I don't think shaming is the answer. Certainly not physical appearance related shaming of a young girl. Isn't it hard enough raising a girl with self-esteem intact?


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bec* 
You could also come up with a short phrase to remind her not to do it, "tongues are for licking, not for sticking."

Okay, so THAT is funny!









Um, in our house nobody sticks tongues out to bother others, so far, but we do have tongue games because they're fun, and at least our youngest loves sticking his out and running, jumping, laughing, etc... He just loves it. I have a version of tongue gymnastics since I can do a whole routine involving turning it to both sides, making it into a roll, and even a cloverleaf shape. I do wonder after reading your thread if that's why there are never any issues about it, or not. Also, we do spontaneously lick each others' noses and foreheads and exclaim, loudly with emphasis, "EEEEeeeeewww!" Then everyone laughs and it's over.

Maybe you could just make lick-tag the game of choice when she's doing this. Or, my parents used to touch or very gently grab the tongue of our dog when I was little. That worked, but she was a dog... OR, maybe I'm a lunatic and Ive shared waaaaay too much information! Ugh, winters here are soooo long and we are locked up for a long time!







Gotta be creative, ya know?!


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