# 40 and feeling broody!



## LilithX (Jan 1, 2005)

Ok, so I have 2 wonderful children, first one born 14 yrs ago, last one born 6 yrs ago.

Lately been feeling the urge to converge, if you know what I mean. Against my better judgment, against all logic, I feel the urge to make another baby.

Part of me says, yes, this is a perfectly natural urge, related to both my impending menopause and my emotional response to it, but another part of me insists, just one more, damn everything!

I have some concerns, as much as I love being pg/birthing/BFing/mothering, such as being so "old" (greater risk of "defects"/complications, like Down's) plus a genetic issue with DH (Marfans, a 50/50 thing) that I sort of fear will manifest. (so far as we know, neither current child got it)

Plus, I fear ending up with a hospital birth/less than ideal birth due to lack of funds/access to midwies/home-births where I am currently. (both mine born at home with the same midwife in another state)

I know, it will pass if I let it, but it sort of gnaws at me, you know?

I know a few women who've had babies past 40 (one of them had 3 past that age!) and my own grandmother had my mother at 39, but I feel like I am pushing the envelope.

Sigh. Guess I am just seeking commiseration/personal stories. Feeling my "age"/impending loss of fertility (though my mom was 50 when she entered menopause, so I may have to deal with these mixed feelings for another decade!)

So tell me I am crazy, at 40, with a 13 and 6 yr old, to be even considering adding a newborn to the mix. Tell me the risks of defects/problems are higher at my age. Tell me we can't afford it. Tell me I am just hormonal/reacting to my own mortality. Tell me I will be kicking myself when I am 55 and dealing with a teenager, lol! Nothing I have not told myself.

But MAN, sometimes I want another baby!
Anyone else ever feel this way at this stage of life? Tell me about it, please.

Lilith, going-grey haired mama to John, 13 and Sage, 6.


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## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

I'm not yet 40, so I don't know. But I do know that in the Trying to Concieve Board, that there is a thread of women over 40 TTC, and you might want to check there while you debate this.

I think the bigger question isn't your age, but whether another baby is really what you want. I think sometimes women want a baby when they have a desire for something more in their lives. Sometimes it really is motherhood they want, but sometimes it is more about wanting to feel wanted and needed in a way that a job change, volunteer work, or a pet might fill. I hope that doesn't sound insensitve. I think if you look at your whole life, that of your kids and everything you have you will be able to see if there really is a baby missing from your lifes, or if its something else you need to fill that void.

Peace,
Laura


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