# HELP! Parents threatened to take my child from me!! UPDATE post 28



## lovbeingamommy (Jun 17, 2007)

Mamas, I need immediate help. I'm so upset please forgive sp errors or messed up sentences







Those of you that now me on this board at least a little biy may know that I've had 2m/c abck to back and have seom OCD issues. I've ALWAYS been able to take care of my son and work my p/t job. I'm on medication and am starting CBT tomorrow as how many people in America are doing currently with children - sorry I little sarcasm.

Here's the porblem - today my DH needed to be rushed to the hospital because he may have had a mini-stroke and the neurologist rushed him in because he said another massive one could happen at any time. So I am completely in tears and understandably upset. My DS was spending the night at my parents house and I went to go pick him up after my DH was set up in the hospital. Now, I am upset, the med I take (Klonopin) makes me angry and want to speak my mind to people. My whole family all takes meds for some mental disorder (albit minor) it's still a disease. They are all extremely emotional and didn't want to release my son to me becasue they said they feared for his safety since I was upset







: Finally after hours of heated discussion I finally said, fine I'm calling the police - you can't keep my child from me - I'm not a danger to myself or anyone else and have always takens great care of my son. Then they said that they would tell the polioce I threatened to commit suicide - give me a break - I have OCD not depression. I wash my hands a lot!! I'm just curious does anyone know what the police procedure would even be for this kid of issue? I'm planning to call in just a minute since I'm just flasbergasted that they would eEVEN suggest they could keep my child from his mother.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

You definitely need to call the police. They are threatening to lie to the police in order to keep your child from you? I would never speak to them again after my child was back in my custody.


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

Oooh, wow.







I`m so sorry for you, mama!!

I have no good advice, but couldn`t read and not post. Please, stay strong and keep us posted. Good luck!!


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

With family like that, who needs enemies?

I would never speak to, or have anything to do with those people ever again.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

Definately call the police. Although, I would suggest taking a few minutes before doing so to do some deep breathing, calm yourself down a little and make sure you give the police no reason at all to question your side of the story. You might also want to have the dr. who sees you and perscribes your meds' number handy, in case the police would like confirmation that you are not depressed and suicidal.

Once your son is back safe with you, cut your evil family out of your life.


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## j_p_i (Sep 9, 2008)

I couldn't read and not post! What a difficult situation... as if your DH being in the hospital wasn't enough! How are you doing??


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## MadameXCupcake (Dec 14, 2007)

Please update when you can I want to know everything is all right! That is horrible, I'll pray for you.


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## FullMetalMom (Aug 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
With family like that, who needs enemies?

I would never speak to, or have anything to do with those people ever again.









:

I hope you and your husband are doing ok right now. . .


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## majikfaerie (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cappuccinosmom* 









Definately call the police. Although, I would suggest taking a few minutes before doing so to do some deep breathing, calm yourself down a little and make sure you give the police no reason at all to question your side of the story. You might also want to have the dr. who sees you and perscribes your meds' number handy, in case the police would like confirmation that you are not depressed and suicidal.









:

and







x


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## Materfamilias (Feb 22, 2008)

Yikes! You need your parents' support, not this. I do agree with what pp's have said -- do whatever you need to get your kid out of there, then never let them take him again.
I'm so sorry you're going through this!


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## Suzmama (Nov 24, 2006)

I also want to commend you for starting CBT. You should tell your therapist what you are going through with your family...hopefully she will be a great support for you!

Hang in there Mama!


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

:

This is hard, Very hard. So hard that i couldn't do it by myself and may or may not have lost one of my own sons to toxic family so i started a support thread for us.

You are a good mommy and you don't deserve this. OCD is not a threat to your son's safety, it is something that you are deealing with in a sensible and responsible manner.

i am still very sad that i am somebody "not even her own mother can love" and yes, i still have fantasies about apologies and tearful reuniions and my younger son being welcomed into a family that really only existed in my own imagination, but it helps so much to know that i am not alone in this journey to break the cycle and give my children a healthy start in life with appropriate parenting.

Please update us when you have a chance.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

You need to cut yourself off from them. My mom threatened to call CPS on me because I was co-sleeping, and I literally had nothing to do with her for a year until she apologized in writing and swore she wouldn't. And if I didn't trust that she meant it, I wouldn't have had anything to do with her even then. It's just too important of an issue. Be careful.


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## LittleBlessings (May 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
You definitely need to call the police. They are threatening to lie to the police in order to keep your child from you? I would never speak to them again after my child was back in my custody.









:


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## nolonger (Jan 18, 2006)

My parents have not been informed of the conception and birth of my ten month old.

Yea, I cry about it every day but we have to do what we have to do to protect our young ones and my parents have proven with dd1, dd2, and ds1 that they do not deserve to be grandparents.

CPS is complicated, corrupt, and bad things do happen to good people. Please let us know that you and ds are all right when you can. You are loved here and everyone on this thread wants to help.

mamazee's experience does, however, seem to be more common than my own. I wish I had cut my parents off sooner; our relationships might have been salvageable if I had not let things get as bad as they did.








:

Please let us know how we can help.

ETA: the OP has logged on today, which is a good sign.


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## 2pinks (Dec 20, 2007)

These people are TOXIC and need to be cut-off from you and your family IMMEDIATELY, PRONTO, FORTHWITH AND POSTHASTE!!!!!! When anyone threatens to take your child from you, that is a line and boundary that can NEVER, be crossed back to the way it was before. Please let us know how things are.


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## TXmommy2be (Dec 1, 2008)

I'm so sorry this is happening. I hope your DH is better soon, and your family does the right thing regarding your son.


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## bmcneal (Nov 12, 2006)

I will keep you in my thoughts. Please update when/if you get a chance.









I also agree with pps who say once you have your baby back, cut your parents out of your life. It's hard (I just did it.) but it sounds like it's for the better.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

First, let me preface this by saying that if you truly feel that they are wrong, and way off base. And that you ARE 100% capable at this time of taking care of your dc, then yes call the cops ASAP!

And now I'm going to play devil's advocate. Don't hate me too much please?
I have a mental illness, too. And I've battled off and on with it for YEARS. Different meds, different diagnoses...all that.
Sometimes, I am a really crappy person. And mean, and angry. And usually, when I'm in that place....I don't see it. B/c of course, it's not MY fault(in my mind), it's everyone else that is effing awful.
And honest-to-god, if I was in a bad enough place. I know my mom well enough to know she would grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and tell me to get things together before I took the kids home. Now, she might try a gentler approach first, but yes, if she felt I was bad enough, she wouldn't let me take the kids home. And I'm okay with that, b/c I'm not...me...when I am there.And I would rather my kids not be with me, if I'm that out of control.

Now, I'm not saying that you ARE at that point(b/c I don't know you or what you are like normally) but is it possible that they aren't doing this to be mean to you, but because they are ACTUALLY concerned and ACTUALLY afraid that you will "snap" so to speak?
I mean, if I was worried about that, and then the person I was afraid would cause harm had a "heated discussion" for hours which escalated into threats by both sides to cause the cops, that would kinda confirm my fears.
Like I said, just playing devil's advocate. I'm sure it won't get me much love on the boards, but...







I don't know you, I don't know your family, or what kind of relationship you have with them.

Like I said, if you are sure that they are completely off-base and in no way right, and that you ARE capable, please do call the police ASAP. And I second PP's suggestion to have your doctor's number ready.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)




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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

Did you get your child back? You didn't say in your post.







to you and I hope all is well today. You definitely need to disown that part of your family.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Yes -- I'm wondering, too, if you got your child back? Your family has no right to do this to you!

I know cutting ties is hard (it's been very hard for me) -- but we just have to keep remembering, as noordinaryspider pointed out, that our loving families existed only in our imaginations -- well, except that we now have our new families, which are worth so much more than our past illusions, and we want to free-up our real and actual families, so that they can be loving, healthy, safe havens -- we can't let that old toxic crap seep in and ruin the good thing we've got!

Please, please, *please* get and read _Toxic Parents_ if you haven't already! It's been a huge help to me, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night, after a guilt-ridden dream about my 84yo mother.


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## Freedom~Mama (Apr 6, 2008)

Wow you poor thing. What a horrible thing to go through. I hope everything has calmed down now. Update when you can, hope you are doing okay!


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## AntoninBeGonin (Jun 24, 2005)

I hope everything is okay!


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

I am so sorry. I hope everything is ok now.


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## Maeve (Feb 21, 2004)

I hope everything is ok also!


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## lovbeingamommy (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 







:

This is hard, Very hard. So hard that i couldn't do it by myself and may or may not have lost one of my own sons to toxic family so i started a support thread for us.

You are a good mommy and you don't deserve this. OCD is not a threat to your son's safety, it is something that you are deealing with in a sensible and responsible manner.

i am still very sad that i am somebody "not even her own mother can love" and yes, i still have fantasies about apologies and tearful reuniions and my younger son being welcomed into a family that really only existed in my own imagination, but it helps so much to know that i am not alone in this journey to break the cycle and give my children a healthy start in life with appropriate parenting.

Please update us when you have a chance.


Thank you for this thread information. I've subbed and will be checking regularly. There are definitaly problems with my family that need to worked out very soon.


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## lovbeingamommy (Jun 17, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Freefromitall* 
First, let me preface this by saying that if you truly feel that they are wrong, and way off base. And that you ARE 100% capable at this time of taking care of your dc, then yes call the cops ASAP!

And now I'm going to play devil's advocate. Don't hate me too much please?
I have a mental illness, too. And I've battled off and on with it for YEARS. Different meds, different diagnoses...all that.
Sometimes, I am a really crappy person. And mean, and angry. And usually, when I'm in that place....I don't see it. B/c of course, it's not MY fault(in my mind), it's everyone else that is effing awful.
And honest-to-god, if I was in a bad enough place. I know my mom well enough to know she would grab me by the shoulders, shake me, and tell me to get things together before I took the kids home. Now, she might try a gentler approach first, but yes, if she felt I was bad enough, she wouldn't let me take the kids home. And I'm okay with that, b/c I'm not...me...when I am there.And I would rather my kids not be with me, if I'm that out of control.

Now, I'm not saying that you ARE at that point(b/c I don't know you or what you are like normally) but is it possible that they aren't doing this to be mean to you, but because they are ACTUALLY concerned and ACTUALLY afraid that you will "snap" so to speak?
I mean, if I was worried about that, and then the person I was afraid would cause harm had a "heated discussion" for hours which escalated into threats by both sides to cause the cops, that would kinda confirm my fears.
Like I said, just playing devil's advocate. I'm sure it won't get me much love on the boards, but...







I don't know you, I don't know your family, or what kind of relationship you have with them.

Like I said, if you are sure that they are completely off-base and in no way right, and that you ARE capable, please do call the police ASAP. And I second PP's suggestion to have your doctor's number ready.









:
I truly do understand your perspective and believe you are correct in one respect - my parents LOVE their ONLY grandchild and would never harm him. So you're right, they could have truly been scared for his safety and I accept that. However, with the hostility (the yelling, finger-pointing, accusations, etc.) that was occuring in that house with my DS crying out of fear was absolutely not a good situation. At the beginning their first demand was to say, "I want to talk to your DH" sure he's in the hospital and has just had a minor stroke, I REALLY want you upsetting him even more. This infuriated me







: Then when my dad points his finger at me and stated that I'm the reason eveyone in the family is taking meds - well I'm P$ssed again. Becasue this is absolutely not the case and they've all been taking meds for many many years. My dad, by the way, is extremely emotional and when him and I try to discuss/debate he gets very defensive and feels like I'm acting condescensing to him with my logic (This is a whole other issue which I posted on too last nigh about gifted adults dealing with family) He finally just says ok you're smarter than me I didn;t go to college you did so that's that.







:

So finally my mom, who was slightly calmer, suggested we all have acup of coffee until my DS could calm down and go to sleep. We did and things calmed down a little and a compromise was made - my DS went to my DH's parents house to spend the night - Thank God! I took him and left and haven't heard from them at all today to even see how I was doing







: somewhat frustrating. However, tomorrow will be an interesting day since both sets of parents, my sister, and myself are going to talk with my psychologist - who is great by the way and has a PhD in neuropsychology. She's going to try to explain/help them understand OCD and why I do the things that I do sometimes and how the meds and CBT will help. Everyone will have their chance to ask questions and hopefully some things will be finally come out, be discussed, resolved, and forgiven. I love my family and only want peace to prevail.

Thank you eveyone who replied you gave me lots of deffernet prespectives with which to look at this issue and I appreciate it


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## punkrawkmama27 (Aug 31, 2007)

You sure are going through so much right now! I hope your dh gets well soon, and things start to turn around. Maybe your parents really are worried about you and your ds, they should have gone about it a better way, instead of trying to manipulate you they should have tried to talk to you and been calm themselves.

My parents threatened me when I had dd, and moved out of their house and married dd's father. They said they would try and take her back if the found out I wasnt taking care of her. I suffered from depression and was on meds for awhile on and off. I wanted their help, not for them to make me feel like a child. Things are better now though. I hope they get better for you too.


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## Purple Cat (Jun 8, 2008)

I had a somewhat similiar situation where my very emotionally abusive mother kept threatening to "take me to the ER and get me committed to a state hospital." I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from a very abusive childhood. For my own emotional survival, I cut off contact with her. I lived in fear, though, that she would act on her often-repeated threats. Her past actions had shown the depths of her malicious and hatred and efforts to hurt or sabatoge me were unfathomable.

I called the Victim-Witness division of the police department and told them the whole situation -- how horrific the emotional abuse had been, how I struggled with PTSD, how my mother blamed me for my father's brutal rape of me as a child and her malice, and now her threats. They were a phenomenal help. The Victim-Witness advocate told me how to handle the situation if the police did show up, as they would if my mother called them to report a "need to commit me." She also told the supervisor of the situation and said I should always ask for them to be paged in the event it was necessary.

She assured me that cutting off contact with my mother really protected me. She explained that no one would act on any accusation by her when I had not had contact with her because they would place themselves at substantial legal risk if they did. She said it simply wouldn't happen.

It's a personal decision. But cutting off contact from such viciousness and abuse has helped me lead a far happier and secure-feeling life than I ever envisioned possible.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

I'd definitely call the police and tell them that your family threatened to lie on you and say that you were going to commit suicide just because they wanted to keep your son. Speak clearly and calmly and answer all your questions. Tell them the truth, and tell them you would never do any such thing. Tell them that this was said to you because you threatened to call.

Gosh! I feel so sorry for you! My heart goes out to you. This is so unfair! I'll pray for you. This isn't right. Yes, call them now. Tell them everything. You do your best to stay calm and let your family act unrational and flip out. They will look bad, and you will not. So long as you assure them you will not commit suicide and that it was something your family said to threaten you, you'll be okay.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
You definitely need to call the police. They are threatening to lie to the police in order to keep your child from you? I would never speak to them again after my child was back in my custody.


Agreed. They'd be dead to me!...


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 







:

This is hard, Very hard. So hard that i couldn't do it by myself and may or may not have lost one of my own sons to toxic family so i started a support thread for us.

You are a good mommy and you don't deserve this. OCD is not a threat to your son's safety, it is something that you are deealing with in a sensible and responsible manner.

i am still very sad that i am somebody "not even her own mother can love" and yes, i still have fantasies about apologies and tearful reuniions and my younger son being welcomed into a family that really only existed in my own imagination, but it helps so much to know that i am not alone in this journey to break the cycle and give my children a healthy start in life with appropriate parenting.

Please update us when you have a chance.


Wow! This post made me cry. I know what it is like to be hated. I know what it is like to be misunderstood and be called crazy. ai suffer from Aspergers, I have rage and anger issues, and I am slightly eccentric, but I'm far from crazy. I feel bad because I know what it is like to want to be loved. But, remember this, God loves you. And always keep those that do love you, such as all of your friends, close to you in life. That is what I do and it is helpful. I will pray for all of you. Blessings. My heart really does go out to you.

A good resource that will help you in cases like this that custody is threatened, go to www.fightcps.com That site has many good resources. Check it out. You will learn how to defend yourself in cases where people want to lie about you. I hope I've helped.


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
You need to cut yourself off from them. My mom threatened to call CPS on me because I was co-sleeping, and I literally had nothing to do with her for a year until she apologized in writing and swore she wouldn't. And if I didn't trust that she meant it, I wouldn't have had anything to do with her even then. It's just too important of an issue. Be careful.


OMG! Are you serious? i can't believe you had to endure something like that. How painful! Gosh! I swear! People!...


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## Deer Hunter (Sep 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *noordinaryspider* 
My parents have not been informed of the conception and birth of my ten month old.

Yea, I cry about it every day but we have to do what we have to do to protect our young ones and my parents have proven with dd1, dd2, and ds1 that they do not deserve to be grandparents.

CPS is complicated, corrupt, and bad things do happen to good people. Please let us know that you and ds are all right when you can. You are loved here and everyone on this thread wants to help.

mamazee's experience does, however, seem to be more common than my own. I wish I had cut my parents off sooner; our relationships might have been salvageable if I had not let things get as bad as they did.








:

Please let us know how we can help.

ETA: the OP has logged on today, which is a good sign.


OH, yes. YOu don't hae to tell me how corrupt them are. They put me in their care temporarily because they thought my parents were abusing me. While in their care, I was fed things I was not supposed to eat, hence the reason for losing the sight that I had left. My parents never gave up fighting for me. They contacted my eye doctor who had followed my case closely explaining the diet I was supposed to stick to, and i was released. Sadly, it was much too late, and my sight went away in two weeks later. Now, I'm an avid supporter of Fight CPS, which is found at www.fightcps.com i urge you to go there and learn all you can, especially if you are threatened for cosleeping with your baby.


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## majikfaerie (Jul 24, 2006)

omg deer hunter


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

omg deer hunter, purple cat and noordinaryspider.










This is what we're working for, mamas - to do better for our own children.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lovbeingamommy* 







:
I truly do understand your perspective and believe you are correct in one respect - my parents LOVE their ONLY grandchild and would never harm him. So you're right, they could have truly been scared for his safety and I accept that. However, with the hostility (the yelling, finger-pointing, accusations, etc.) that was occuring in that house with my DS crying out of fear was absolutely not a good situation. At the beginning their first demand was to say, "I want to talk to your DH" sure he's in the hospital and has just had a minor stroke, I REALLY want you upsetting him even more. This infuriated me







: Then when my dad points his finger at me and stated that I'm the reason eveyone in the family is taking meds - well I'm P$ssed again. Becasue this is absolutely not the case and they've all been taking meds for many many years. My dad, by the way, is extremely emotional and when him and I try to discuss/debate he gets very defensive and feels like I'm acting condescensing to him with my logic (This is a whole other issue which I posted on too last nigh about gifted adults dealing with family) He finally just says ok you're smarter than me I didn;t go to college you did so that's that.







:

So finally my mom, who was slightly calmer, suggested we all have acup of coffee until my DS could calm down and go to sleep. We did and things calmed down a little and a compromise was made - my DS went to my DH's parents house to spend the night - Thank God! I took him and left and haven't heard from them at all today to even see how I was doing







: somewhat frustrating. However, tomorrow will be an interesting day since both sets of parents, my sister, and myself are going to talk with my psychologist - who is great by the way and has a PhD in neuropsychology. She's going to try to explain/help them understand OCD and why I do the things that I do sometimes and how the meds and CBT will help. Everyone will have their chance to ask questions and hopefully some things will be finally come out, be discussed, resolved, and forgiven. I love my family and only want peace to prevail.

Thank you eveyone who replied you gave me lots of deffernet prespectives with which to look at this issue and I appreciate it









Wow, it sounds to me like you are doing very well in a very difficult situation. I have had feelings of wanting to take my grandson from my dd when things have gotten very crazy with her so I am coming at this from the other perspective. I love both of them very much, but she is grown and the baby is so vulnerable. I don't know anything about your situation so I wont comment on that but my dd has had some scary ragefull fits - and there was heavy drinking .. with her boyfriend and his family... I was really afraid for my grandson. I never threatened her with taking him away, but I have threatened to call the police - and that is big for me - I am police phobic. I have also had private thoughts of having to try to keep him. I hate that, I know how damaging that would be to both of them... she has been doing better since her boyfriend and his family moved to another city.. I just hope that things continue to get better.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

: it sounds like some the things they said really did cross a boundary, and I'm sorry to hear that.









I know when I'm angry, that's a problem I have too







:
And I'm glad that your dh's family was able to open their home to your dc during this time. Your dh and the rest of you guys will be in my thoughts.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Deer Hunter* 
...your family threatened to lie on you and say that you were going to commit suicide just because they wanted to keep your son.

That's one of my big concerns -- and it's a definite sign that they know they really have no leg to stand on. They know lying is the only way they have a chance of taking your child. Even worse is the fact that they were (and might still be) willing to make something up in order to get the upper hand.

So, you had to "compromise" with them by agreeing to take your son to your inlaws -- they weren't willing for you to take your own child home with you?


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## bluebirdiemama (May 2, 2008)

Agreeing with everybody else... If you can't cut them out of your life, don't leave your son with them ever again.
Im so sorry for what you're going through, I will pray for your fam.


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