# husband keeps forgetting to strap toddler in car seat, am I crazy to be livid?



## janon (May 14, 2016)

Dear mommies, help me out here.
I found this forum today and it looks like a great place to connect to other moms - so many forums are not as active today since FB has kind of taken over everything.

anyway, I wanted to ask a question online without it being my friends/family. I am mad today because my husband put my 2 year old in the car and forgot to strap him in. In the middle of our journey my little one got out of his seat and was climbing around the back row!

The problem is, this is not the first time. This is maybe the 5th time since his birth. The first instance he was an infant. While my husband agrees that this "sucks that he forgot", he thinks I should be nice to him and doesn't seem to understand why I'm as angry as I am. 
What I tell him is that if this had ever happened to me, I would be so mortified by the fact that I forgot that it would absolutely NEVER happen to me again. With him, because he takes it relatively "lightly" (after all "nothing happened"), it seems that the implications of putting our child in danger doesn't register. And after the 5th time, there is no guarantee I have that he won't forget again at some point. He told me he would put a sticky note on the seat to remind him to strap him in. Seriously??? Am I crazy here to think there is something inherently wrong with this situation? 

I do not think my husband is taking this seriously enough, while he on the other hand seems to think that I shouldn't be as harsh for what it is. while he thinks its "bad" that he forgot, I know there is a WORLD of a difference as to how I would have felt in his shoes with forgetting to strap my child in vs it being him. We are not on the same page here.

That's why I need the opinions of some other parents, to either back me up or set me straight if I am overreacting with this.

what do you all think of this?


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## ismewilde (Nov 6, 2015)

Looks like you are going to have to check the seat and make sure your husband never drives him anywhere alone. What if he forgot about your child asleep in a car on a hot day? Vigilant parents do that simply by being stressed and a change in routine. It is accidental, but it happens. What is making him forget? Does he not think it's important or is he generally forgetful? Either way, I'm not sure any other way to resolve this. However, his idea about the note isn't bad if it helps. He should make it in bold across the steering wheel, laminate it, put it in bright colors- anything that will solve this lapse in memory is worth trying.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

So he is never allowed to drive your child around? Cause I don't think I'd ever sleep knowing that could happen. Even at low speed collisions anything "loose" inside a car becomes a missile. Your child could be one of them and suffer dire or fatal consequences. Not okay!


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## Xerxella (Feb 6, 2008)

It's not okay, but I wouldn't have a fight over it. Just talk about ways to help him remember. A note on the steering wheel is a good idea. His sticky note idea is a good idea. And you should always personally check when you're in the car. 

We all make mistakes and sometimes there's a mental sticking point for anyone. 

He admitted he was wrong. I wouldn't beat him up about it. Just brainstorm ways to help him remember.


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## sageowl (Nov 16, 2010)

Is he forgetful in general?

Does he have ADD/ADHD?

If nothing else, I think watching the crash videos of babies that they show in defensive driving courses might cure him of his laissez faire attitude about seatbelt use. 

Hope he starts taking this more seriously. Traffic citations for this are spendy, and the statistics around ejection fatalities are pretty depressing.

Good luck.


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## mumto1 (Feb 17, 2016)

*I'm confused and don't get it.*

He has to get the kid INTO the car, INTO the seat and paf! No seatbelt? Doesn't he wear a seatbelt when he's driving? It's clear he's not worried enough, plus I just don't get how you have to go through all the rigamarole of getting a kid into the seat and around a bunch of buckles etc. Maybe you can work on your kid too, maybe every single time you put him in the car you can repeat a mantra out loud. Into the car! Into my seat! Buckled up safe! Is your husband really exhausted from work, stress? Does your son fight the belt(s)? This is like leaving the house without shoes "because you forgot".


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## starlitjones (Aug 17, 2014)

I'll be the first to admit to being guilty of this.

The first time I straight up forgot to buckle him in and caught myself halfway down the road. Pulled over immediately and fixed the mistake.

Then two other times when he was a little older I did the chest strap but forgot the bottom piece.

Things like this happen. I know it puts the child at risk, but in my case I think the times fully buckled out weighs the times now.

But 5 sounds like a lot. Idk about that


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## Letitia (Aug 27, 2009)

I did this I think once, and I was really rattled. We had the same general style of seat with the kids rear-facing until they were about 3. It was just part of putting them in, and I think I'd gotten interrupted doing it. 

Shame and berating don't work well to change behavior, although if I were you I'd be tempted. But I think strategies along what Xerxella suggested will be more effective. 

Can you think of ways to create a routine where he won't forget? Is your child verbal? Could you enlist the child himself in always saying something? Like, Dad always says "Buckled in tight and ready to take off? and kid always replies "Blast off!" This is similar to what's done in rock-climbing. 

I also like the idea of something on the steering wheel. Put it on permanently in big letters. 

Are there any other things your husband does before starting the car? Put on his own seatbelt? Anything you could tie the behavior of checking the kiddo to?


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

janon said:


> Dear mommies, help me out here.
> I found this forum today and it looks like a great place to connect to other moms - so many forums are not as active today since FB has kind of taken over everything.
> 
> anyway, I wanted to ask a question online without it being my friends/family. I am mad today because my husband put my 2 year old in the car and forgot to strap him in. In the middle of our journey my little one got out of his seat and was climbing around the back row!
> ...


Don't let him get you into a discussion of how you should be reacting to his mistake.

I think it's well within the range of normal to feel angry, though I might describe the feeling as panic. It's scary that your partner is being irresponsible with the child. It's tactically best for your relationship and for getting what you want for you not to show how angry (or really, frightened) you are. Usually, it's not that easy to repress feelings with someone you love!

At the same time, why is what you feel when he puts the baby in danger even up for discussion? Why is this about what_ you_ should do?

There's no argument here. All the statistical evidence says that babies and children are safer in a car when they are buckled up properly. If your spouse needs a post-it to remember to buckle up the baby, why doesn't _he_ put a post-it where he needs to see it?

I think once you have calmed down so that you don't seem angry anymore, you could ask him what he plans to do in order to be safe driving the baby. If this is part of a pattern for him, you might want to think about how to care for the baby without leaving him alone with the baby. If it's just this one thing, a possible solution is sending your husband for training in how to put in a car seat and buckle up the baby. I've never gone to such a training--some people on here are trained as instructors--but I'm going to take a guess that they subject participants to scary statistics and videos.


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## MeepyCat (Oct 11, 2006)

JPHeart, please don't advise assault. That never ends well.

And the "one with our children" thing? So weird and unhealthy. 

But, on the original point: not overreacting.


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