# Bring it on! Share the worst advice ever!!



## pinky (Nov 21, 2001)

Hi everyone--

I am going to be giving a talk in August to a group of family physicians about giving parenting advice. Short of doing something more formal, I'm hoping to collect some examples of the terrible advice that people receive from (1) their physicians and (2) parenting books. I'm especially interested in advice related to babies, as this will be the focus of this particular talk.

Obviously the advice from physicians doesn't need a citation, but if you can share a reference for book-advice, that would be great.

The more horrible, the better...this is a fairly mainstream crowd I'm pitching to. The main point I want to make is that their patients are going to be getting a lot of advice which (hopefully with my help and my sneaky AP agenda) I can help them contradict.

Thanks!


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

physicians

I have personally heard a pedi say that a woman made her baby sick to the point the baby was hosp, cause she would NOT stop bf when he told her to give formula cause the baby had jaundice (sp)

Im sure I will think of more, that just came to mind, just watched the 20/20 thing on breastfeeding.


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## ~*SugarMama*~ (Jul 20, 2005)

Our first ped with DD advised me to quit nursing her at 12 months. Why? Because BM holds absolutely no nutritional value after that age and I would be scarring her for life by "abusing her" by "forcing her on the breast".

And this was coming from ped that was aware that she has/had severe reflux and was starting to show signs of FTT because of an oral aversion and an inability to deal with most foods.

Another one of my favorite bad advice stories......both my children are allergic to penicillin. They were still given a vax containing it because "only children severely allergic will react". My DS broke out in a light rash that did go away after about 24 hours. My DD though, had a huge lump on the side of her leg for almost three months. Preliminary diagnosis was that the nurse *might have* missed the spot and injected the vax incorrectly. Later, we learned that it could have been a reaction to the penicillin itself.

Then there was the "You HAVE to circ a boy because of the health benefits". I really loved having the hospital staff discuss this with my DH only because I had made it aware that I wasn't totally convinced that it was the best decision (even though, I remained uneducated enough at the time to allow DH the final say...it still made me madder than a hatter to see the staff talk to my DH exclusively about it since they were aware that he was on board with them)

When my DD was born, she didn't know how to suck properly. I had put down "no formula" on all the forms that I was given. Why did they try bottle feeding her every feeding BEFORE bringing her into nurse? And then tell me "Some babies never learn how to nurse and prefer the bottle and formula because its easier for them to suck on and easier for them to digest". When I finally talked to the hospital lactation consultant about our trouble bf'ing, she AGREED with the staff that maybe I should just stick to the bottle since it would be "easier" on all us.

Happy to announce that DD is still nursing at almost four years old and never had another bottle after she left the hospital.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

From a physician: That my breastfed 2 mo. was "too fat" and needed to be given water instead and not fed as often. (I ignored that advice, obviously)

Also routine infant circumcision is horrible advice spewed by lots of doctors.


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## Tummy (Feb 24, 2005)

OMG, above post reminded me..

erhrhr, this pisses me off..

My first born, at the age of 2 was circed.. why you ask..
Cause I was told by a UROLOGIST that I HAD TO CIRC OR HE WOULD HAVE LIFE LONG PROBLEMS..

two weeks later I found out







that penil adhesions are completely NORMAL for a 2 yr old..

I hate hate hate that man!


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## <<<Scarlet>>> (May 19, 2005)

My sons teeth were already decaying when they broke thru the skin at age 4months.... The dentist advice was to stop nite nursing and give him flouride.
He wouldnt listen when I told him that overnight nursing DIDNT cause the decay, that they were bad when they broke thru the gums....
He tells me I am mistaken, that he teeth werent bad and that I needed to stop night nursing immediately....

Well I didn't listen to him. My oldest also had bad teeth (both look just like my husband, who will be getting dentures soon at the age of 22. (no drugs, just bad genes, his father is toothless also))My middle child is my twin and her teeth are PERFECT.... So its genetic and the dentist wouldn't hear of it...
Why don't they listen???


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## danellsar (Apr 20, 2006)

If he's crying, let him be. He needs to learn to self soothe. (this said to me when ds was 3 mos old and not sleeping through the night.... Bah!!!!).

Stop nursing at 12 mos because there is no nutritional value to BM after 12 mos (what? It magically changes into something bad for you on the child's 1st b'day??).

Co-sleeping is dangerous. (huh??????????)

Needless to say, we're not with that ped any longer.


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## Getz (May 22, 2005)

So far, my doc has just said to start letting DS cry himself to sleep at 4 months. Um, sure, ok.

Please, please, please bring up the circ thing and that they shouldn't recommend it but tell every parent they counseling that it is NOT recommended!!! I am still convinced if I hadn't found mothering, my son would be circed.


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## eminer (Jan 21, 2003)

Do not let your newborn fall asleep at the breast or she will learn to "use you as a pacifier." That was from a hospital maternity nurse.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

My dr advised me to circ, said it was the best thing spouted all that 'infection' crap and then said "I performed a circ on a 30-something year old man a couple weeks ago because of infections. Really, you want it done NOW not when he's 30." *smile* So James is circ'ed.

Other advice...Breastmilk is not nutrionatly sound after 9 months, all breastfed babies get jaundise (except for my son apparently). Colustrum isn't enough, you have to supp with formula. If babies nurse for more than 15 minutes they are just using you as a pacifier.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Rocking your baby to sleep, walking your baby to sleep, nursing your baby to sleep, are all "accidental parenting" - The Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg.

Breastfed babies need supplemental vitamins, but formula fed babies don't because the extra vitamins are included in the formula.


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## pearlgirl (Jun 7, 2006)

That allowing my 6 day old infant to stay on the breast for an hour at a nursing session was WAY too long. I was to BF for NO LONGER than 30 minutes and then give her a bottle of formula. If I did not do this I was starving her brain of the nutrients it needed and would be doing her great harm.

side note: I said no and he called CPS and we were investigated.

Sarah


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## kristenok18 (Jun 26, 2006)

From a doctor in a mostly rural area: "There is no nutritional value in breastmilk after the first 2 months."







:

The LC in the same hospital thinks there is no benefit to nursing past 11mo, and all kids should be weaned by then (because hers were). And she only wanted to talk about pumping and latch issues with me, even though my ds was 13mo and I was a sahm. (I had gone to a breastfeeding support group since I was new to the area...







I was the only one there).

From another one in a different rural area (who I KNOW doesn't have kids): "Put them in their crib, close the door. Let them cry. They need to learn to get to sleep on their own!" Advice for babies, btw,









A friend was told she had to start giving solids at 4mo (despite current recommendations), even though she had a nice round healthy baby. All because bm obviously isn't as good as powdered cereal, and they can't possibly get all the vitamins/nutrition they need without real food.







:

Nurses after I gave birth: "Oh honey, you only need to feed him ever 1.5 hours. Otherwise he's just using you as a pacifier. Oh, and here's a pacifier if he cries." And when they finally forced me to let them take ds for his hearing test and so that I could "rest" (they threatened not to release us), they gave my 100% bf baby a FULL bottle of formula to "get him to sleep".









Ferber's book (a *lovely* gift from a friend once she found out we co-slept) said something to the effect that if you co-sleep it's because of your own pyschological wierdness...either you are putting feelings normally reserved for your spouse onto your kid, or you are trying to put a wedge in between yourself and your spouse. (I can't remember anymore because I was so angry I threw the book away, something I usually never can bring myself to do!).
















Kristen


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## tiffany21074 (Jan 22, 2006)

physician said at our 3 day old appointment i only need to nurse every 3 hours; to just bounce her up and down and walk with her until the 3 hours are up.


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## shoefairy3 (Jun 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tiffany21074*
physician said at our 3 day old appointment i only need to nurse every 3 hours; to just bounce her up and down and walk with her until the 3 hours are up.

As if that would even work







: sheesh...some drs are idiots

My worst advice would be that holding your newborn/infant too mcuh will spoil them


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie*
Rocking your baby to sleep, walking your baby to sleep, nursing your baby to sleep, are all "accidental parenting" - The Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg.











Just call me an "accidental parent"


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JustJamie*
Rocking your baby to sleep, walking your baby to sleep, nursing your baby to sleep, are all "accidental parenting" - The Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg.


This reminds me that I read something similar in What to Expect The First Year....... that you should never rock your child to sleep. What an experience you would be robbing yourself of if you never rocked your child to sleep! That is absolute heaven.


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## EllasMummy (Dec 10, 2003)

When DD was 3 months old a health visitor told me that if I didnt start her on solids soon she wouldnt learn to talk!

Well we ignored that advice and bf exclusively till she was 12 months. Now she is almost 3 years and can talk very well. In fact she hardly ever stops talking!


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

Per a doctor...
A child who is not eating 2 jars and 2 servings of cereal per day by 6 months is going to have oral motor delays and will have great difficulty learning to eat.


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## GranoLLLy-girl (Mar 1, 2005)

What I have heard from pediatricians mirrors much of what has been discussed here. I would STRONGLY suggest that pediatricians sit in on ANY kind of breastfeeding class at least once a year--or an LLL meeting.
But I, too, have heard the old: give the baby formula if they are a little jaundiced. And: what's with you mothers thinking that breastmilk is the only thing a baby should be consuming at birth (from a NURSE after baby came home from the hospital).







:
They truly should be educated on the fact that mother's milk is best (unless there are issues that don't allow breastfeeding--and those are not the norm) and that with the obesity epidemic they should be counseling women (and providing phone numbers of LLL meetings and LCs) on how to get help with breastfeeding.


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## craftymom (Jun 27, 2005)

This cracks me up--my older ds HATED rocking. Rocking chairs, gliders, being rocked in arms. He would just scream bloody murder. My mil and and gmil would walk and rock and sit and rock as he screamed and screamed, insisting I let him get overtired and he needed to cry it out. Yet if fil just held him on the couch (no motion) he would conk right out--or if someone put him down, he would conk. Or if I nursed, he would conk.

Now he's 6 and he HATES any kind of spinning ride (other than a big carousel). Big spins, small spins, ferris wheels.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A*
This reminds me that I read something similar in What to Expect The First Year....... that you should never rock your child to sleep. What an experience you would be robbing yourself of if you never rocked your child to sleep! That is absolute heaven.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I have a similar story, and a happy ending. My eldest was absolutely huge (14lb at birth, gained upwards of a pound a week) and I was, unsurprisingly, advised (by my health visitor) that I was feeding him too often, should put him on a 4 hour schedule, bottle of water, blah blah blah. BUT because we had breastmilk jaundice he was still yellow at 9 weeks old and so we were referred to the hospital to see a consultant paediatrician- who was absolutely fantastic. He spent ages telling me how good breastfeeding was for Alex, how well he was doing, how alert and thriving he was, got excited when he elicited a giggle- you know, all those things a mother loves to hear. I had gone in expecting a fight- to hear that I either needed to wean him for 48 hours so we could see if his color improved, or that he needed to be on formula rather than bottle full stop- and got none of this.
I did get one piece of advice though.
_Never dress a jaundiced baby in yellow_








So yep, it's no help for your purposes, but felt the need to share.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A*
Also routine infant circumcision is horrible advice spewed by lots of doctors.









Yes! Please bring up that one! In my case, the advice to circumcise actually came from a group of retired nurses who I worked with.

They also told me that I would need to retract his foreskin at every cleaning. This is horrible, damaging advice that, if this board and my real life experiences are a good indicator, gets passed out by doctors and nurses WAY too frequently. Definitely a good one to bring up.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

I, too, have heard the old: give the baby formula if they are a little jaundiced.








: Boy, I am so grateful EnviroBaby was born in a hospital that told me breastmilk was very important to his recovery from jaundice! They were giving him IV fluids, too, and because of the light therapy they limited the time he spent nursing, but when it WAS nursing time they wanted him to nurse. They did at one point tell me to go to my room and sleep thru one feeding, and I thought that was one of these examples of hospitals pushing formula, but after some discussion I decided they had legitimate concerns about MY health--I'd been awake for 20 hours, was still in pain from the birth, and was beginning to shake--and might be right that I needed some rest to bring in the real milk. They were right.









I chose doctors carefully, in a city where there are lots to choose from. The only bad baby-care advice I've gotten was to put petroleum jelly on his irritated and blistery-looking (intact) penis--made it worse! But the cause of the problem was unclear to the doctor, and he admitted it, so it's not like he said that was certain to work.


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

From a community healthcare worker (we got home visits every three months because we were on WIC and State health insurance) : I had to give my then 9 month old dd meat or she would never get enough protein.


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## mommyoftwo (Apr 6, 2004)

To "run don't walk" to the bookstore to buy the Ferber book. She should be sleeping through the night by three months. This advice for my dd who had a difficult time nursing and gaining weight early on.

To give my slightly underweight 6 month old pediasure instead of bm.

To retract my son's penis at an early age to clean. The doctor retracted very early on and he cried. I could kick myself for not knowing any better.

Don't even get me started on the terrible OB that delivered my first dd.

I've got to say though, overall the people in the medical field that I have dealt with have been pretty good. We worked a bit with a wonderful nurse and lactation consultant early on when we were having bf issues. I was ready to give up and might have if it wasn't for her.

hth


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

I've posted about this before.

First of all being berated to stop bottle nursing my baby after one year of age. Despite the fact that she arrived severely malnourished and below the 3rd percentile on growth charts. I pointed out that the two bottles of whole mild she took every evening constitued a reliable and significant part of her protein/caloric intake, and also that adoption literature _strongly_ advises continuation (or even reinstatement) of bottle or breast feeding as part of the bonding process with the child.

Doc says, "well at least switch her to skim milk from whole milk then".

Um...why?

"Because there is such a problem with obesity in the United States."

Did I mention that my baby - 13 pounds at 13 months of age - was not even ON the growth charts?

Talk about one-size-fits-all medical advice. Moron.


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A*
This reminds me that I read something similar in What to Expect The First Year....... that you should never rock your child to sleep. What an experience you would be robbing yourself of if you never rocked your child to sleep! That is absolute heaven.









:

I tell all my new mom friends the same thing.


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

My personal favorite is from a senior ped in our very respected practice group . . . . . . "Babies don't have pain when they teethe"








:


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TripMom*
My personal favorite is from a senior ped in our very respected practice group . . . . . . "Babies don't have pain when they teethe"








:

OMG was that supposed to be a joke???


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CryPixie83*
OMG was that supposed to be a joke???

Totally serious.


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## Dragonfly (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *blessed*
Doc says, "well at least switch her to skim milk from whole milk then".

Um...why?

"Because there is such a problem with obesity in the United States."

Did I mention that my baby - 13 pounds at 13 months of age - was not even ON the growth charts?

Talk about one-size-fits-all medical advice. Moron.


















Do these people actually listen to themselves when they speak?


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## seablue (Dec 27, 2005)

A very annoying piece of 'advice' from peds: babies don't get fevers from teething. (It's some inexplicable virus that they just happen to get right before a tooth comes in.)


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## gabysmom617 (Nov 26, 2005)

It was some crap in my "what to expect the first year" book about not babywearing...(

I would search for it, but i'm bout to move, and it's packed up, something about wearing baby will get him too used to it, and that mother would have to wear him all the time, and baby will not be inclined to sleep unless being worn, and wearing him will make him sleep more often during the day, and not be as tired at night, and would make the baby stay up at night.








:


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Do we agree that the "What to Expect" book sucks?


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## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *flapjack*
_Never dress a jaundiced baby in yellow_
So yep, it's no help for your purposes, but felt the need to share.









So true!! I've found blue to be very flattering


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## Pica (May 14, 2004)

Oh I have LOTS!

From my GP:
- to eat a milkshake with a raw egg in it every day while pregnant (raw?







: )
- diagnosed DD as ALLERGIC to my breastmilk & wanted her on soy formula







: (she really just had reflux)
- diagnosed DD as failing to thrive around 9 months when her growth slowed & said it was because I didn't have enough milk. (I actually had an oversupply, and got a lot of great help from lactation consultants & other pedi's. Apparently her growth was really normal for a breastfed baby)
- told me my projectile vomiting, awake for 14 hours straight, non-stop howling baby was fine & I was an over anxious new mother. If I were to relax, the baby would stop crying (again reflux!)
- I was repeatedly told I didn't have thrush nor did my baby. However, Gentian violet took away all of our symptoms!

From a Pedi:
- I was handed a printed factsheet (with references to Ferber!) on how to CIO. I remember the nurse had to tell the Dr during that appointment, "Okay, she's not going to listen to this, let's move on."









It is so so hard to see through the nonsense as first time mother, thank goodness for La Leche & lactation consultants!!!


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TripMom*
Do we agree that the "What to Expect" book sucks?

I think the entire series sucks... not as much as Ezzo or Dobson or Ferber or that Baby Whisperer, but it's pretty high on the stink-o-meter


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## TripMom (Aug 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seablue*
A very annoying piece of 'advice' from peds: babies don't get fevers from teething. (It's some inexplicable virus that they just happen to get right before a tooth comes in.)

yup - I've gotten that one too.


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

my sister's pedi told her that
#1 mercury in vax is was etc a MYTH
#2 that if she did not start vaxing by 6 months they would not work b/c her babies' bodies would not be "used" to vaxing.

OMG

luckily i found a very good pedi before dd was born and the worst/dumbest thing he said to me was that illness related teething stuff (hurting ears or runny nose) was a myth.

but his nurses were dumb and mean...they told me that we weren't "allowed" to not vax in "america"
and when she had a clogged tear duct/mild eye issue to wash her eyes out with johnson&johnson baby shampoo!

luckily i hung up and came here and moms told me to use breast milk in her eye, i cleared up that night!


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moma justice*
my sister's pedi told her that
but his nurses were dumb and mean...they told me that we weren't "allowed" to not vax in "america"
and when she had a clogged tear duct/mild eye issue to wash her eyes out with johnson&johnson baby shampoo!

luckily i hung up and came here and moms told me to use breast milk in her eye, i cleared up that night!

actually, when my mother had a broken blood vessel or something along those lines (it was a long time ago, i don't remember clearly), she was told to put johnson and johnson's baby shampoo in it. it helped. she said it really was "no tears" and didn't bother her in the least.


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moma justice*
and when she had a clogged tear duct/mild eye issue to wash her eyes out with johnson&johnson baby shampoo!

OMG ouchies!


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## mimid (Dec 29, 2004)

When we found out we were having triplets, the nurse said that I would have to learn to let them cry. Also, *every* person (dr., nurse, lc, social worker, layperson) says "of course your supplementing" which would be why I got no support to bf my girls from the start.







:


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

DD1's first pediatrician told me at four months that she had to start eating cereal and that she had to have an iron supplement. When I questioned him on it, he condescendingly told me it was what the AAP recommended. I guess he figured that SAHM's were too stupid to log on to the Internet and check out what the AAP did actually recommend. Man, I wish I'd have written some letters about that jerk.

In the hospital with dd1, the nurses told me to make sure that dd was fully awake for her feedings. Nurse her, and then when she's ready to switch sides - change her diaper, etc. so she's awake. Oh my goodness, I didn't get any sleep for WEEKS! Sheesh.

On the flip side, even though I don't always see eye to eye with our family doc now - she trusts my judgment because she knows that I am an informed, involved mom. I want to take her with me when we move!!!!!


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## Persephone (Apr 8, 2004)

I didn't think I had anything to contribute to this thread, but I think I might: when I was in the hosp with dd, I was talking to dh and my mom who were staying with me, and I was telling them about what I read in the continuum concept about how babies have no object permanence or sense of time, so if you leave, it's like you just disappeared for eternity- they don't know if you're coming back or not (I was trying to explain to my mother why I didn't want to let dd out of my sight or my arms), and a nurse overheard me and said, "On the flip side, if one minute is like eternity to them, you could leave them for hours, and it would only seem like a minute." I was really weak and out of it from blood loss, but I think I said something along the lines of "yeah, whatever." Can you believe that???


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TripMom*
Do we agree that the "What to Expect" book sucks?


Yep. It also had a crack about how working mothers "make up for their guilt" by co-sleeping. Way to slam working moms AND co-sleeping at the same time!


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## Autumn_Breeze (May 4, 2006)

I had a friend give my then 5 month old son sugar water







: when she babysat him. I asked her what in the world was going on. She said he was hungry, well give him some FORMULA then







: . She advised me to give this between feedings, and that sure was some bad advice.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

Our ped (who specializes in allergies, btw), told me at my second child's 4 month appointment "you can start mixing cereal into his formula now". I just looked at him, finally saying "Um, I am still exclusively breastfeeding." He looked shocked and said, "oh, well I guess you could pump some milk and mix the cereal in that."

Um, no, not with the current literature on avoiding allergies recommending we wait until 6 months at a minimum to introduce solids.

Honestly, hearing this sort of incorrect advice really undermines my faith that the doctor knows his job.

Siobhan


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## cheer mom (Mar 12, 2006)

the only thing i can think of is the old one about not picking up the baby--you might spoil them.







:


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Persephone*
and a nurse overheard me and said, "On the flip side, if one minute is like eternity to them, you could leave them for hours, and it would only seem like a minute."

Why on Earth would anyone want to leave their newborn for hours?







:


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## fuller2 (Nov 7, 2004)

These posts are incredible. Have these docs not looked at a medical journal in 15 years???

My 20 m.o. son had caught this bad flu bug going around; we finally took him to the doc after he'd been throwing up every couple of hours for 2 days. They said: "No dairy products! You must stop nursing immediately!" And then told me to go out and buy a lot of Pedialyte, because this bug lasted a week.

1. Breast milk is not cow's milk. Duh.

2. He wanted to nurse all the time because he felt so horrible. He did throw it up a couple of times, but then he was fine. For god's sake, what could be a better food for a barfing toddler than breast milk?? Takes care of nutrition and dehydration in one step. He only had it for about 3 days, not the 7 days they told me he would have it.

This at a highly-regarded university's health service--not just for students but faculty and staff too. I have been amazed at the stupid breastfeeding advice there--any little reason to stop nursing, they would tell me to do so. And the head of the pediatrics service was totally astounded that I had managed the superhuman feat of...nursing my own baby for 6 months (actually 7) exclusively. Shows what they are used to seeing there.


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

A doctor told me it was a fine to wean my dd to cows milk at 6 months.


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## kewb (May 13, 2005)

The worst advice I got was from my SIL & MIL when my ds was almost 2 and I was pregnant with my dd. At this point I had been rocking him to sleep every night (we both enjoyed it) and they told me I had to stop. How would I be able to take care of a newborn if I still had to rock him to sleep? In my tired pregnancy brain this made sense and I tried it. It was torture for me. I continued to rock him to sleep. My dh took care of dd if she needed something while we were rocking. About 3 months after dd was born ds stopped wanting to be rocked to sleep. He got to big to get comfortable in my lap. I then proceeded to rock my dd to sleep for the next 2 years.


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## hajenkatt (Jul 10, 2005)

When dd cut her two bottom teeth at 12 weeks, my MIL told me "Well obviously you need to stop breastfeeding now." WTF? I just looked at her, told her it would all be fine and just ignored her.


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hajenkatt*
When dd cut her two bottom teeth at 12 weeks, my MIL told me "Well obviously you need to stop breastfeeding now." WTF? I just looked at her, told her it would all be fine and just ignored her.









What is it with people thinking teeth mean no more nursing? My dd started teething at 5 weeks, guess I'm a little late in weaning her since she just turned two years old on July 10


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## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

Ok - it's not the WORST advice ever, my Ped is pretty good, BUT:

I was told after the 4 month visit to start cereals, baby foods and solids and so I did. Later, I learned that it's not recommended until at least 6 months. So I asked the Ped why she told me to start solids at 4 mos when the AAP recommends 6. She told me "You're BF - 6 months is fine if you can keep up, but most people can't." mmm - maybe. But the thing is my kid was consistently in the 90th percetile for height and 70th for weight - so we were doing just fine!

Even if she believes 4 months to be the right time - Why would she start with the assumption that I couldn't keep up? Why not look at my baby, our charts, ask how BF was going, etc. Why offer that advice outright.

She also told me at the 2 year check-up that I could start time-outs - 1 minute for each year old. Now, I take this to be her "spanking prevention" program - this is what you do for discipline, not hitting. She didn't actually say that to me, but that's why I think she brought up timeouts. So I told her we don't do timeouts. No timeouts in our house. She asked how I planned to respond to behavoiral situations. And I said - well, I've been reading up on this (Neufeld, Alfie Kohn) and I think those behavioral situations are cries for connection, so I planned to address the situation by connecting - or simply paying attention to my DD. She responded that that was absolutely wonderful (to her credit I didn't detect even an ouce of sarcasm - or just wait, you'll find out). Again - why assume I'm the hitter who needs timeout correction? I'm the connected mom.

anyway - not outrageous examples, but subtle undermining of exceptional parenting!

PS. My LC in the hospital mixed my pumped colostrum with sugar water and we dropper fed DD on the second day. I asked why the sugar water and she said, they don't like the taste of just the colostrum 'cause it's not as sweet as BM. We did it (and she spilled at least 1/3 of it, too, but that's another story, we looked at each other in horror), but I wouldn't do that again. Newborns haven't tasted anything! Of course colostrum would taste just fine. They might not even have developed taste buds for all I know!


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## Flor (Nov 19, 2003)

From my ex-ped:

1. On our first post birth visit, when ds was a little underweight due to my milk coming in on the 5th day, "30 percent of infants at the turn of the century died because they did not have formula." "No where in the decscription of 'supermom' does it say you have to breastfeed." "Feed on 10 minutes each side only."

2. When ds was sick with a virus, he told me to give my 6th month old Campbell's soup and mashed up hot dog.

3. He should be sleeping through the night at 3 months, should be night weened.

Also, in hospital, I asked the nurse to help me breast feed. I had read every book, article, etc. so I knew I might need help getting him latched on. After I harrassed her over and over to come help me, she wheeled in a tv with a video about breastfeeding! I said, "Just help me get THIS baby on THIS boob!!"


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

There's a few things

*Put rice cereal in his bottle
*you need to stop BFing (my 10 month old)
*you need to circumsize your son, he's going to have infections and be made fun of at school
*let the baby cry, he's just trying to manipulate you
*don't let your baby sleep with you, you will never get him out of the bed
*don't wear your baby, he's too hot, put him in a stroller
*if you don't put you baby down he'll never learn to walk (DS1 walked at 7 months and DS2 at 9 months)
*cloth diapers are unsanitary, they will cause diaper rash and infections
*day care is good for kids
*smack your baby on the hand when he's getting into stuff he's not suppose to

The list goes on and on, and most of it came from my MIL, who I just tell STFU LOL


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## Bad Mama Jama (May 29, 2005)

When I was in the hospital a nurse said to me, "Oh, no. you don't need to have her security tag adjusted.' Though it was visibily cutting into her heel.

And the same nurse's words of encouragement to me on my breastfeeding after a breast reduction, "I'll just leave this formula here just in case..."

Denise, you know who are (shaking fist!!!)

Excuse me, I digress...


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

A "nutritionist" at the WIC office told me I absolutely couldn't raise dd vegetarian because if she didn't get meat protein as an infant, her brain wouldn't grow. And the nutritionist is a vegetarian!!!

This same woman told me I had to wean dd immediately when she found out I was pregnant because I was killing my unborn son.







: (For the record, he was 10 pounds 4 ounces at birth! So much for the starvation theory. That one REALLY pissed me off.)

And of course, I couldn't possibly tandem nurse them because newborn milk would be too fattening for a toddler and dd would become obese. Yeah, for all 3 months or so that I'm making newborn milk. . . . We're almost 6 weeks in and so far she's her normal happy, active self. And her clothes still fit.


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## PeacefulSeams (Apr 10, 2006)

From family members:
" put a stop to him (age 2) touching himself or it will damage him"
" make sure you cover yourself when breastfeeding.No one wants to see that"
"when he bites you during breastfeeding, pinch his ear and he will stop"
"If he bites you, bite him back so he will learn. Same with hitting."
" if you really want to get some housework done, just set him in front of the TV."
"when he starts teething, put some whiskey on his gums to numb the pain"
"why are you still breastfeeding? He is old enough now for a bottle. (7months). The formula has more nutrients anyways."


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

There was the wean-when-pregnant one, from my OB (my mom is the lactation consultant at her hospital, she bombarded her with literature and the OB backed off...for ME, but still gives the same advice).

There was the doctor who pushed the "herd immunity" myth re: not getting the Hep B shot at birth (WTF?)

Hasn't happened to me, but a friend I know had it suggested to her that her 3 week old baby was intentionally misbehaving when he cried, and he should be spanked a la the Pearls. :vomit

My mother-in-law just can't believe I wouldn't give my kids water in bottles while they were EBF. Wouldn't they get *gasp* too FAT? They were, BTW, always normal or slightly low BMI and are pretty slender now.

"But he's so big, how can you know that your milk is enough?" from my gMIL. She was pushing me to supplement with formula, because of course, even though my milk grew him that big, it couldn't possibly be ENOUGH...right?

"But she's so small, how can you know your milk is enough?" from same gMIL about the next child. You think she'd learn eh?

Basically, it seems like the solution to everything is "give him some formula!" Which completely, totally SUCKS. There needs to be at least one person saying "nurse him as often as he wants!" for every "give him some formula!". Doctors count for at least two.

Gotta love the "don't pick them up" advice. They aren't television sets, you don't turn babies off when they are inconvenient. Why can't people recommend nice easy ways to carry babies around, instead of pushing you always to get rid of them?


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## ChristaN (Feb 14, 2003)

From dd's former pediatrician:
"You don't need to brush a child's teeth at all until age three."

From the nurse at the same pediatrician's office:
"You shouldn't be breastfeeding your daughter [who was 9 months old at the time] because you are vegetarian and your breastmilk is inadequate. Formula is nutritionally superior for children of vegetarians."

That second one was the final straw that had us change peds.


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## cozzensclan (Feb 10, 2005)

My MIL told me that breastfeeding my son would give him leukemia.







:


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## AutumnMama (Jan 2, 2004)

I think the worst advice I've gotten was from a nurse. She told me that if you didn't circ that you HAD to make sure that you "retract the foreskin and clean the head of the glans"







:
I informed her that the head WAS the glans, and told her that no, actually that causes more problems as the foreskin is adhered to the glans like your fingenail is attached to your finger.

I sure hope she listened to me!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I don't have any, because I never discuss my parenting with my doctor (I only use a family physician, not a ped).

But, I do have to wonder at all this "only using the breast as a pacifier" stuff. My comment is...."SO WHAT". If my baby is getting comfort, in addition to nutrition, by nursing, what's wrong with her/him getting that comfort? I'm sure that babies sometimes "comfort nurse". I just don't see what the problem with that is...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zenenlightened*
" make sure you cover yourself when breastfeeding.No one wants to see that"

Why do so many people find "don't look" to be so far beyond their mental capabilities???


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## minkajane (Jun 5, 2005)

I heard the old standby of rice cereal in the bottle (followed by a smug smile and a comment about me being a first-time mom when I refused).

My mom insisted that DS must be a midget when his weight gain levelled out at 8 months.

I know there are more...


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

I had a pretty good ped when DS was a newborn. His only advice to us when we stood there with our 10 day old baby, completely clueless was...

Nothing but breastmilk for the first 6 months.
Read to him everyday.
Don't listen to your mother.


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## NaomiLorelie (Sep 2, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess*
I had a pretty good ped when DS was a newborn. His only advice to us when we stood there with our 10 day old baby, completely clueless was...

Nothing but breastmilk for the first 6 months.
Read to him everyday.
Don't listen to your mother.

I want your ped!


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)

"What are you doing? You can't let him keep napping on you, it's not normal!"

*sigh*

This was from someone on my meager support system. And I was calling because I just needed to freakin' vent about not getting lunch that day.


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## CryPixie83 (Jan 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess*
I had a pretty good ped when DS was a newborn. His only advice to us when we stood there with our 10 day old baby, completely clueless was...

Nothing but breastmilk for the first 6 months.
Read to him everyday.
*Don't listen to your mother.*

That is F*in' awesome!


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cozzensclan*
My MIL told me that breastfeeding my son would give him leukemia.







:

What the...????

I seriously want to hear the logic that lead to that conclusion. Could you ask her and report back?


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## mahrphkjh (Mar 31, 2006)

That eczema was completely hereditary and not related to allergies in foods - "here put this cancer causing poison, i.e. elidel, on your son's skin to make it go away."

The baby in the other room at night is also classic. Must admit I thought that too until my son was born then I realized it was STUPID. Don't know why anybody else can look at a completely helpless newborn and think "here, make me happy and go lay by yourself for the next 8 hours."


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## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

My partner's grandma told him how her first daughter (his mom) "cried so much at night when she was first born, we had to move her crib to the other end of the house and shut the door so we could sleep!" This story is particularly weird to me because it's like, they were planning on letting her stay with them (contrary to the style at the time), but then...she cried. Who'd have thunk it? A crying newborn? Weird.

It makes me wonder if some people just don't *have* parenting instincts. Like the occassional rabbit that eats its young, you know? How out of touch would you have to be before you found a newborn crying at night to be a weird, wacky situation worthy of bemused anecdotes, and decided the natural remedy would be to blockade yourself on the other end of the house???


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~*SugarMama*~*
Our first ped with DD advised me to quit nursing her at 12 months. Why? Because BM holds absolutely no nutritional value after that age and I would be scarring her for life by "abusing her" by "forcing her on the breast".

My sister's ped told her she might as well wean at THREE MONTHS (which she did) because there were no benefits to bfing longer than that.

BTW, our ped is awesome (in many ways). We had 8 weeks of *horrific* bfing problems, and she never once suggested supplementing (I brought it up myself at around 8 weeks, but didn't actually do it).


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## sunshinestarr (Jan 5, 2006)

I haven't read through this thread yet so I don't know if this has been mentioned but there is a similar thread here which also might help you.


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## Lisa85 (May 22, 2006)

On a mainstream board I visit said by her obgyn

You have to stop nursing your ds (can't remember how old, but not even a year yet) otherwise there won't be enough nutrients left over for the fetus.


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## sunshinestarr (Jan 5, 2006)

My jaw dropped a little bit lower after each quote...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zenenlightened*
From family members:
" put a stop to him (age 2) touching himself or it will damage him"
" make sure you cover yourself when breastfeeding.No one wants to see that"
"when he bites you during breastfeeding, pinch his ear and he will stop"
"If he bites you, bite him back so he will learn. Same with hitting."
" if you really want to get some housework done, just set him in front of the TV."
"when he starts teething, put some whiskey on his gums to numb the pain"
"why are you still breastfeeding? He is old enough now for a bottle. (7months). The formula has more nutrients anyways."


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## oldcrunchymom (Jun 26, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *A&A*
From a physician: That my breastfed 2 mo. was "too fat" and needed to be given water instead and not fed as often. (I ignored that advice, obviously)

I was given this exact same advice when my son was 3 months old. The pediatrician told me to only feed every four hours and give him a bottle of water if he was hungry in between.

My son is 10 now and thin as a rail.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

Our family doc is actually pretty good on most of these things but when DD was just a couple of weeks old I was pretty sure she had a food allergy. She was spitting EVERYTHING back up, rash, etc. She really had like four classic symptoms of food sensitivies. Our doc. told me at the 2 week visit that she as fine unless she was "projectile vomiting" and not to worry. I called again at 4 weeks because it was such a problem. At the 6 week visit she was still vomiting, rashey, etc. and he still blew it off as "worrying too much, sometimes too much knowledge is a bad thing." To this day I have to love DD for what happened next, she turned and puked (not on him unfortunatly) but all over the place. Doc said, "Oh, yeah, that is alot. I guess maybe she does. Cut out milk first." Luckily, it was dairy and we were fine but he neglected to tell me anything of importance and I had to research it all myself. It really annoys me when docs don't trust a parents intuition that something is wrong.

The other was at the 9 month visit when he said that I would "have to put her down eventually" and should "really stop slinging soon."

We have been very fortunate that our parents are very supportive of our choices. So no bad advice there


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## blessed (Jan 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ilovemyavery*
...she was still vomiting, rashey, etc. and he still blew it off as "worrying too much, sometimes too much knowledge is a bad thing."... she turned and puked (not on him unfortunatly) but all over the place. Doc said, "Oh, yeah, that is alot. I guess maybe she does. Cut out milk first."..

Jeez I hate it when docs do this.

My dd had severe asthma attacks at nighttime, but by the next morning when we dutifully scheduled our appointment and went in to the peds, of course they would be entirely gone and she'd look like a happy, healthy kid with a paranoid mom. In each case I described her symptoms perfectly (and I AM a doc), and for three straight visist got blown off.

Finally she ended up in the ER in the middle of the night, in respiratory failure.

Oh yeah, NOW she has asthma.


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## kkar (May 22, 2005)

Shame on me as I can't remember the book (Dr. Dobson's "Focus on the Family" pops out in my head but I could be wrong here). It suggested that SAHMs needed to better take care of their husbands (and breadwinners) in order to keep them faithful, and that they don't want to see exhausted wives when they come home, but would rather see us dressed up, with makeup, happy children, and a warm dinner. Published in the 1950's you ask...nope...only five or six years ago!


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## key_issue (Apr 29, 2006)

An old man advised us to shave our daughter's head because the hair would grow in thicker. He also suggested we take a piece of cloth, dunk it in beer and give it to her instead of a pacifier. We decided against both.


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## AmyAngel (Dec 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *key_issue*
An old man advised us to shave our daughter's head because the hair would grow in thicker. He also suggested we take a piece of cloth, dunk it in beer and give it to her instead of a pacifier. We decided against both.

I think the head shaving thing is very common in China, but I have no idea about the beer pacifier. Yikes!


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## hajenkatt (Jul 10, 2005)

About a month or two ago a young guy that works in our local grocery store said the exact same thing to me. He said both his sisters shaved their dd's head and now it grows in thickly. I thanked him, but in my head I was thinking--if that were true, wouldn't all the guys who shave their heads never go bald?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kkar*
Shame on me as I can't remember the book (Dr. Dobson's "Focus on the Family" pops out in my head but I could be wrong here). It suggested that SAHMs needed to better take care of their husbands (and breadwinners) in order to keep them faithful, and that they don't want to see exhausted wives when they come home, but would rather see us dressed up, with makeup, happy children, and a warm dinner. Published in the 1950's you ask...nope...only five or six years ago!


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## cinnamonamon (May 2, 2003)

My BIL graduated from Central Michigan University a few years ago with a 4 year degree (forgot what it was called) in nursing. He informed my brother that his professor had told him that "there is no real nutritional benefit to nursing after the first few weeks, but we encourage it as it helps with mother/infant bonding."

Now I know why nurses are telling us this crap...it's what they are taught. uke

My nurse after ds2's birth told me that when you breastfeed you are basically starving your baby for the first several days of his life. (She said while I was calling to ask why he was screaming bloody murder for hours...nothing was said about a possible reaction to the PERCOCET they prescribed me after my c-section.)


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## mama2zoe (Dec 2, 2004)

Well, I have quite a few, but here are my favorites.

I declined the Hep B vaccine for my dd at her birth. My dd was born in the afternoon after a grueling 33 hour labor/homebirth transfer. I was awoken at 11:00 pm that night by a nurse and told that they couldn't find the results of my hep b test, and that if I couldn't provide the results in an hour they were going to vaccinate dd for hep b against my wishes. And, this is the part that gets me, she told me if we didn't vaccinate I'd have to be very careful with dd in public bathrooms because she could catch hep b from the counters







When I told her that you contract hep b via blood/body fluid like you would contract AIDS she told me I was thinking of Hep C. I told her she was thinking of Hep A and there was no way in he** they were vaccinating my dd. She came back later and back-peddled a bit about how Hep B was contracted, but never apologized. I couldn't believe it! (oh, and they had "found" my negative hep b test results.)

The other was our ped who visited dd before we left the hospital. He told me that she was so huge (8 lbs 14 oz) that we would have to give her formula or she would be starving waiting for my milk to come in. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed by this point I let my dh and mom give her some formula when we got home because she was crying and they were sure she was starved. I still feel sick when I think of the wonderful colostrum she missed out on.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mama2zoe*
Well, I have quite a few, but here are my favorites.

I declined the Hep B vaccine for my dd at her birth. My dd was born in the afternoon after a grueling 33 hour labor/homebirth transfer. I was awoken at 11:00 pm that night by a nurse and told that they couldn't find the results of my hep b test, and that if I couldn't provide the results in an hour they were going to vaccinate dd for hep b against my wishes. And, this is the part that gets me, she told me if we didn't vaccinate I'd have to be very careful with dd in public bathrooms because she could catch hep b from the counters







When I told her that you contract hep b via blood/body fluid like you would contract AIDS she told me I was thinking of Hep C. I told her she was thinking of Hep A and there was no way in he** they were vaccinating my dd. She came back later and back-peddled a bit about how Hep B was contracted, but never apologized. I couldn't believe it! (oh, and they had "found" my negative hep b test results.)

The other was our ped who visited dd before we left the hospital. He told me that she was so huge (8 lbs 14 oz) that we would have to give her formula or she would be starving waiting for my milk to come in. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed by this point I let my dh and mom give her some formula when we got home because she was crying and they were sure she was starved. I still feel sick when I think of the wonderful colostrum she missed out on.










HUGe???? My daughter was 9lbs 5oz...wonder what they would have thought of that!







:


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