# My Husband Moved his family in!



## GypsyMama1013 (Sep 13, 2014)

My husband and I had a very long difficult past, but there was something in each other that we saw was worth fighting for. So I decided to make a change. I found us work on the other side of the country, made enough money to register us a van and moved us to California. Since then our world completely turned around. We had the most successful year we have ever had, individually or together. It was then that we became pregnant and got married. The strides that we have taken in the past two years are A great point of pride to me. Yet as we became more successful, my husband began taking it upon himself to spread us out thinner and thinner. As I was occupied with a newborn baby, it was up to him to handle all of our business. I had been very controlling in our relationship, a sort of fight or flight scenario occurred when I decided to move us out here. But, with the new baby and our new marriage I knew I had to let go of the reins and trust him. I regret this so much. Not only has our business gone in so many unfinished directions, that our money is basically depleted. He has chosen to pretend like we are still in a good position. Now instead of all of our family members being proud of us from afar, he has chosen to move his cousin his brother, and his father into our home. My son no longer has a bedroom and we have now been supporting these people for six months. A very upsetting point for me is that I could sense this was happening. He would talk on the phone with his dad about visiting our newborn son. I was okay with him paying for the plane ticket for his father to visit, because everyone deserves to see family. But I became increasingly nervous when I found out it was a one-way ticket. I would ask him what does that mean, what is your father going to do out here, is he going to find his own house? He would get angry frustrated and tell me whatever I wanted to hear to make me stop asking. I could tell I was having the wool pulled over my eyes. Somehow he mistook our small bit of success as the end all, and thought because we had done well he could now employ every member of his family who was struggling. All this did was make us lose our position in our life and spread our money out and our supplies so that we have very little. I feel like I am drowning. I have been in the background of my own life now for six months. I think I may have had postpartum depression but who could tell if it was just regular depression from having the first year of my marriage be invaded by A bunch of men with no jobs. They all sit around all day and watch TV. The energy in my home has drastically changed. I want nothing more than to escape. My husband is not the man that I married when he is around his brother cousin and father. He becomes the child he was before. He is cocky and acts very self righteous. Because he is showing off to his other male family members, he is totally displacing our positions in this family. I no longer have any role of influence in my home. When I give very gentle suggestions to my husband who used to be my partner, he becomes instantly irritated. I feel so cheated, like I worked so hard for something and it is now gone. I think he's got it in his head that he did all of this, and it makes me sad that he seems to have forgotten what actually made our life so good. I don't know what to do. It has been six months of houseguests. Six months of the same stories being told every day. Six months of being ignored. And now I find out I am pregnant again. I have been struggling so much with this, and I will say I have kept a happy face on and I'm very patient. My mother is amazed with how much patience I have shown. But how much longer should I let this happen. I have explained my feelings I have explained what I want and nothing seems to change. I don't think I could go through this second pregnancy alone. My entire family and friends are on the East Coast and the only way the living away from them worked was when I had my partner. What do I do?!


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## Beccadoula (Jan 7, 2008)

I know this is a very old post by now, but I'm just wondering how you are and what you decided to do. It sounds like a very hard situation to be in, no doubt. We recently moved away from family after 11 years of entanglement. It was very good for us as well, and would be hard for me to be good with a move back or being followed. Anyway, I'm just curious how you are. I hope you've found some friends to fill the gap, some kind of support system would help so very much.


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## funfunkyfantastic (Feb 9, 2008)

@GypsyMama1013 I have a husband with borderline personality disorder and it has been really hard for me to manage as well. He gets easily irritated for no apparent reason often and also pours on the insults. For support I have to turn to friends as my family can't understand why I'd stick with someone so verbally abusive. The only reason I do stick around is because I love him and want to see him get better. The problem with bpd is that they usually don't think any problem lies with them. I don't think yours necessarily has bpd. I'm just saying I understand how hard it can be to be neglected and to have your life ruled by a man who could care less about your opinion. I suppose you will have to decide if you have a reason to stick around or not. If not, perhaps you will do better back with your family. I hope the pregnancy is going well for you. If you need someone to talk to let me know.


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