# I can't talk about this now. Updated below.



## Mama_Mouse (May 9, 2004)

I can't talk about this now. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have posted this.


----------



## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)




----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Mama_Mouse,
I hope that when you are feeling up to it that you come back and share. Here is where it is all safe...no matter what!


----------



## Mama_Mouse (May 9, 2004)

I miscarried last year. I also terminated a pregnancy when I was much younger. I'm feeling a huge loss again and I feel like I'm just trying to replace the babies that I didn't have. I feel like the miscarriage was somehow a punishment for not choosing to keep the first one, and I've been nervous during my entire pregnancy this time, worried about getting too attached and losing it. My doctor said the miscarriage is unrelated to the termination, there was nothing I could do to change it, and that it's very common for women to miscarry and go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies.

My husband is wonderful, but he hasn't felt the loss like I have and just doesn't understand it. I feel very alone.

I also feel like I can't talk about it. I'm embarassed about my choices when I was younger, but don't regret it; I know I was doing what I felt was right for my life at the time. But I feel so guilty for miscarrying, like it was my fault. It's such a silent sadness.


----------



## Devaskyla (Oct 5, 2003)

I think that if you hadn't ended a pregnancy, you might find something else that you could beat yourself up with. I think some people are just like that. I know I am. I have lots of reasons that I believe my miscarriages were my fault, including and especially having had a c-section.

It's really hard to lose baby and then have all the feelings of thinking that you could have done something differently at some point in your life that would have prevented it. I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted to let you know that I understand.


----------



## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

It's really unfortunate but miscarriages are horribly common. The estimate is that one in 4 pregnancies ends in m/c, often before mom even knows she's pregnant.
There is a story that I know I found very comforting and may help you too. It's written by a midwife and talks about her own m/c.
You can find it at
www.babycatcher.net/excerpt2.html

You should know that feelings of guilt and anger are common and normal after a miscarriage.
You can always come here for support .


----------



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Mama_Mouse, guilt is a part of grief







I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I know you know this, but I'm going to say it anyway. You can't change the past. You can only chage today. Please know that NOBODY here would ever judge you. Please feel welcome to talk about your feelings here. You'll get all the support you need.


----------



## gonnabeamom (Sep 15, 2003)

Mama_Mouse,

I had a termination earlier to-my second pregnancy. Ironically my first was a m/c of a pregnancy we hadn't know about. I've had two m/c since.

It's hard, and there have been times I've been tempted to reach for _"I had an abortion, my baby doesn't trust me" or "someone out there is punishing me" just to have a reason for all of it, but it really never makes sense to me. I just can't believe the universe would be that cruel or capricious.

A friend of mine has had two abortions and has a healthy daughter, a friend of my sisters has had several abortions and has two healthy daughters.

Miscarriage and terminations are huge taboos, so you'd never know how many women around you have had one or both unless in really safe circumstances you mention having had one yourself. I'd been posting on these boards for 9 months while trying to get pregnant before I ever mentioned my termination, and only then after someone else mentioned theirs.


----------



## Mama_Mouse (May 9, 2004)

Thank you for all the kind words. It's just a difficult time right now, but I hope that I'm able to make the shift into just a happy mommy.

I think this is very true: "I think that if you hadn't ended a pregnancy, you might find something else that you could beat yourself up with. I think some people are just like that. I know I am." I don't want to beat myself up, and I want to focus on the healthy baby I'm carrying now. I'm so afraid of feeling guilt forever, though.

And this is exactly how I've been feeling: "I've been tempted to reach for "I had an abortion, my baby doesn't trust me" or "someone out there is punishing me" just to have a reason for all of it, but it really never makes sense to me. I just can't believe the universe would be that cruel or capricious." I do feel like I'm being punished now, and I don't know how to undo all the doubt and fear.

I also appreciate those of you who wrote me privately to say they'd been in a similar situation, had had an abortion and are now parents of healthy babies. That really helps, and I am grateful for the kind words.

It's scary to post something so vulnerable, not knowing how it will be received. I'm thankful that my thoughts have been received without negativity.


----------

