# Touchy-feely neighbor kids



## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

The next time I see these kids, I am going to say something- I am just not sure what.

We live in Chicago, and our houses sit less than 3 feet away from eachother. Yes, I can stick my arm out my window and touch their house









Our neighbors on the right side have two girls. My guess is that one is 11, and the other one is 7 (I know this for a fact). They are very... touchy... with my DDs. My family (excpetion of my DH) thinks it's cultural but I think it's creepy and my mama bear jumps out a little and I need to put a stop to this. I'm not comfortable with it.

The 11yo has sort of backed off, but here are some examples.

Ex1: I am walking out of the house to the car (parked in front) and holding my 8 month old. Said 11yo comes down from her porch and starts kissing all.over.my.daughter. I have already asked her to stop doing this. It makes me very uneasy, for some reason.

Ex2: I am taking my 2y8m old out in front to ride her bike. I lay a blanket out on our porch and put the baby on it (I sit with her) while my 2yo rides her bike in front of the house (or digs in the dirt, hehe). The 7yo always asks to hold the baby, sometimes just grabs her out of my hands it seems. I allowed her to do it once and now she feels like she has free reign over my kids. I just don't know what to say.. she's the type that asks "why" and I'm not sure if I could respond very well.

Their parents are also sitting on the porch watching them 90% of the time.

The 7yo has also said some odd things to me that I find a bit unsettling.
Ex: "I want M (my 8mo) to be my baby sister for my mom and dad to have and take her home with me..." She then went into detail about how my DD would become her sister. Strange.

I just can't take them hugging and kissing on my kids, which is the bigger problem here, I believe. I just don't know what to say when they don't listen! Their parents are there, they mostly speak Spanish and though I'm not fluent in spanish, I'm sure I could get the point accross, though I'm sure it would sound very rude









We have another neighbor, on the other side of us (mainstream people but very nice) and they have two daughters (5 and 7, I think). His daughter once kissed my 8mo and the dad said "B, we don't kiss babies unless we ask their parents if it's okay." and the mom once asked her other daughter to not touch my DDs hands, "Because babies put their hands in their mouthes alot and your hands aren't very clean". I like how they handled the situation- I just wish the other ones would do the same









So what exactly do I say? Especially w/ the parents right there!


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:

The 7yo has also said some odd things to me that I find a bit unsettling.
Ex: "I want M (my 8mo) to be my baby sister for my mom and dad to have and take her home with me..." She then went into detail about how my DD would become her sister. Strange.
This isn't really strange at all. She wishes she had a baby sister and is expressing it through imagining that, which is normal for the age. It certainly doesn't mean she's going to steal your baby or anything.

Really, I think it's all pretty normal. People loving touching and kissing babies. It's reasonable for you to create boudaries if that's important to you, but I think they're two versions of OK, not an OK and a Not OK. But since you're the baby's parent, you get to choose what you want to happen with your baby, so I would just gently express what boundaries you have.


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## ~Charlie's~Angel~ (Mar 17, 2008)

Since you are trying very hard to get out of that house, the cold weather is just around the corner (meaning less contact with the neighbor kids) and your already on flimsy ground with your MIL, I wouldn'y say a DARN THING.







Just keep it to yourself, keep an extra close eye on your LOs while the neighbor kids are around, and laugh about it someday when you are all living in your own humble abode with new neighbors and no toxic MIL that the neighbors would more then likely complain to, and then you would have yet ANOTHER fight on your hands.


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## NellieKatz (Jun 19, 2009)

My son is very touchy-feely and it makes me crazy! He is that way with us (his parents), other kids, other grownups. He touches when he's happy, he pats & tousles when he's friendly, he grabs when he's mad, he sits on you when you're talking or looking at something with him on the TV or computer. Touch touch touch. (Conversely, don't DARE try it with him. He HATES that.) I think it's sort of an Sensory Processing thing. I am the other way....too much touching makes me nuts and I think that the more WE back off the more he "pursues." Not sure what to do; it's how he's made, and no matter what we say it's been hard for him to control that impulse.

So if it were my kid and he was touching yours too much, I would LOVE it if you said something to him. He needs to feel the "social price" of doing that himself, rather than hearing it ("bla bla bla stop touching bla bla bla") from me & DH.


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## Thalia the Muse (Jun 22, 2006)

I think a lot of kids are like this with babies. They're cute, and they seem kind of doll-like.

I don't find it creepy at all -- I think the impulse is pretty sweet, actually -- but it's fine to say "Neighbor kid, don't kiss or grab the baby." When she says "Why," just repeat "I don't want you to do that, and if you can't remember the rules you'll have to go home," you don't owe anyone an answer. If you want to give an answer, there are lots of totally legitimate ones that she can understand -- I'm trying to get her to sleep, I worry about germs, It makes me nervous when you grab at her because she could fall.


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## happysmileylady (Feb 6, 2009)

I used to work in a portrait studio, which was always full of little kids of all ages and cultures. And to me, what you are describing sounds totally normal, something I saw every day at work. Kids just love babies.

I would suggest just setting a few boundries in regards to your own kids and gently letting the other know. When the 11 yr old comes up and tries to kiss all over the baby, just tell her that you would rather she not do that. If you feel it necessary, tell her the baby is sick or something. If you don't want the younger one to hold the baby, just say that. I would bet the parents are just watching because they are figuring that if it bothered you, you would say something to the kids.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

It doesn't seem that strange to me. My kids love babies, just love them. They love holding babies and talking to them, playing with them. I don't know that I've ever seen them kiss someone's baby though. But they do ask first (they ask me and the parent) before holding them.

Both my boys also want a baby sister and always talk about how they wish they had a baby at their house.

If it makes you uncomfortable, say something.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

None of that seems over the top to me. It's fine for you to set the boundaries you're comfortable with though. Just say stuff like, "No, you can't hold the baby." If she asks why smile and say, "Because I'm her mommy and I make the rules." When they kiss say, "No kisses please. You can tickle her toes [or whatever you're comfortable with] if you want to say hi to her."

In other words, it's no big deal to just tell them no and give them directions for what they can do instead, but I don't see any reason to be upset with them for anything they've done so far.


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## Anastasiya (Jun 13, 2006)

I also agree that nothing seems creepy or weird to me. They sound like they adore your daughter.









I have a few hispanic friends and they too, even as adults, are all over the babies. Maybe it is cultural, like you thought?

Anyway, none of it would worry me or freak me out, though I wouldn't be happy with it either because I don't like people in my personal space.







I might just tell the girls no more kissing Baby because we don't want Baby to get sick.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Thanks








the kissing just creeps me out because it's not a few kisses. They're seriously smooching all over my DD while I'm holding her, and it's hard for me to walk to the car. I feel like we're getting attacked by a swarm of mosquitos and can't move.

DHs family is hispanic and has lots of kids and though they do hold high interest in my kids... they just don't act like these girls do.

These kids did get a little lesson when they wouldn't quit kissing all over my SICK baby with their parents watching (I'm talking pink eye and bad cold sick) and they caught both viruses.

But I just feel like I need to set some boundaries. They used to touch my 2yo all the time until she finally got fed up and yelled at them. Now they don't hang out with her as much.


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## Tway (Jul 1, 2010)

Where we live, people do the two-cheek kiss and a big hug whenever we meet. I mean, sometimes it takes me a half hour to do the tour of the room, with all the touchy-feely greeting going on. But it's what I'm used to, and it's how I recognize and give affection to the people who mean a lot to me.

DH's family, however, comes from a place where people won't even shake hands. I've rarely seen anyone touch someone else--not a hand on the shoulder, a hug, a friendly punch on the arm, nothing. Visiting them always makes me feel kind of rejected, even though I know fully well that it's just the way they are.

So my vote is that it's a cultural thing. Especially with kids, who only know what they're brought up with. As an adult, I know not to hug DH's Mom when I see her, but I suspect DD will hug and kiss DH's family until she's much older, because she lives in a place where that's the norm.

Hope that helps!


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Could you demonstrate blowing kisses at the baby to them?

Or have them make up a song for the baby?

Or give them a little job to do for the baby? (like pick her a flower, draw her a picture, tuck the blanket around her etc...)

My DD was like this for a while with my daycare babies. It drove me nuts. I know she just wanted attention but she was just always on these babies. The blowing kisses thing worked like magic!


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## junipermoon (Nov 19, 2008)

Yes, I think something about your culture and the way you were socialized in your culture of origin makes you uncomfortable with the nature of your neighbors' affections towards your babies.

It's ok to set boundaries that you are comfortable with. I'd avoid using words like creepy because it crosses a line in my thinking into being a little offensive.

If you were reading on MDC and your neighbor wrote a post about how you didn't want your babies loved up by her kids and said you "seemed sterile and creepy" or something like that, it might hurt your feelings?

It is totally acceptable in some cultures to have fairly distinct boundaries re: personal space, and it might be unproductive to call that creepy, even if it felt that way to the mama of the girls next door--I think the same goes in both directions?

I do understand--when I was in the rural midwest at one point and a few people (strangers from down-home type backgrounds) were picking up my baby to cuddle him, without asking permission, I almost fell over I was so shocked. Where I was from, that was totally a no-no. Cultures (and the particular sub-cultures of our larger cultural landscapes) really do shape us in profound ways--so what feels natural and good to one person can feel the opposite to another.


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## Snapdragon (Aug 30, 2007)

That would make me very uncomfortable too. the bottom line is that these girls' boundaries are different than yours. And their behavior isn't inherently wrong, and may not feel wrong to some-
*but it makes you uncomfortable*, (so a boundary of respect from them to you is being crossed.) as it would for me too. So I think it is good that you tell them no and tell them to stop, you are protecting your children.
I think you should go a few more times with firmly telling the girls to not do that- and maybe offer an explanation if you can come up with one that is kind of gentle. and then if they don't stop, talk to the parents. IT is an uncomfortable situation because you may just have to be rude to some degree to counter their rudeness!


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Thanks again









Juniper- Thanks







When I was saying creepy, it was moreso a reflection of how I feel, basically a little creeped/weirded out about it. People crossing social boundaries like that do tend to give that type of reaction... but anyways, I am sorry if anyone was offended.


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## PoppyMama (Jul 1, 2004)

I don't personally see the problem and would be ok with other kids acting that way with my youngest...we certainly act that way. I am not that touchy-feely with kids I'm not very familiar with but I probably was at that age. Since it's a part of who they are I hope you will be gentle and not show that you're creeped out.


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## Pavlovs (Dec 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Ex1: I am walking out of the house to the car (parked in front) and holding my 8 month old. Said 11yo comes down from her porch and starts kissing all.over.my.daughter. I have already asked her to stop doing this. It makes me very uneasy, for some reason.

It would make me uneasy because it would be invading my personal space, not just my baby's. Ewww, I don't like it when anyone gets their face that close to me without my consent.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Ex2: I am taking my 2y8m old out in front to ride her bike. I lay a blanket out on our porch and put the baby on it (I sit with her) while my 2yo rides her bike in front of the house (or digs in the dirt, hehe). The 7yo always asks to hold the baby, sometimes just grabs her out of my hands it seems. I allowed her to do it once and now she feels like she has free reign over my kids. *I just don't know what to say*.. she's the type that asks "why" and I'm not sure if I could respond very well.

I've said before to a child who had little concept of my baby's boundaries that no, she cannot hold my baby and when she asked "why" in an annoying infantile voice I responded that my baby is not a toy or a doll, that's why and turned away to end the conversation. No more discussion was entertained on that matter.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

It would annoy me if a neighbor kid came up and kissed and kissed and kissed a baby I was holding and trying to get in the car. I agree, there are cultural differences with personal space and attention/lovin' on kids (I like how some people around here, almost exclusively of one apparent group, are so into babies!), but it's respectful to acknowledge someone's desires for personal space. Not that we should always demand space, but if this happened the majority of the time, it would be draining for me, personally. Hopefully a few firm comments can reduce this. Kids are enthusiastic and oblivious, though!


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

Flu season is upon us... We are not going to kiss the baby ANYMORE it spreads germs and we dont want her to get sick.. The new rule is only touch her feet and only when you ask first.

If they start to go for the face kiss simply say Whats the rule because of germs?


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## junipermoon (Nov 19, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JBaxter* 
We are not going to kiss the baby ANYMORE it spreads germs and we dont want her to get sick.. The new rule is only touch her feet and only when you ask first.

That is a great idea. I was thinking, ugh, what could you say without being rude!? But phrasing it just like this sounds perfect. And you could say "flu season" or at least "the flu is going around" any time of year and probably no one would argue that with you either...

And windycitymom, sorry--the word "offensive" was probably too strong. totally wasn't offensive to me personally--I just was trying to see it from the other side of the picture. hope I didn't offend you







.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

nope, none taken junipermoon!









I like the "only touch the feet" idea.

But with the flu season talk comes the talk of vaxxes... ohh man. Ya can never win, right?


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
These kids did get a little lesson when they wouldn't quit kissing all over my SICK baby with their parents watching (I'm talking pink eye and bad cold sick) and they caught both viruses.


I mean this gently.. but, would it have been a better idea to set boundaries at that point in time? as in, please don't kiss the baby, neighbor child. the baby is sick and has germs. no kissing or touching, please.
honestly, you are the grown up. if you knew your child had pink eye, i am confused about why you allowed the kissing to take place?

also, the neighbor children seem to exhibit pretty normal behavior. some kids are 'baby crazy' and i understand that their petting of the baby seems excessive. it is! you have to tell them no.


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## gcgirl (Apr 3, 2007)

Part of this is most likely cultural; I have to agree on that with many of the PPs. It reminds me of something that happens to me all the time at Trader Joe's (for some reason, it's always TJ's)...a few times now we've run into older grandmothers with accents I can't quite place (Greek? Hungarian? Serbian?) who are all up in our business, pinching the kids' cheeks and giving advice on what to buy and talking to the kids about anything and everything...and it's kind of annoying, but I'm the type to just sit back and let it run its course.

It's kind of sweet, really. I've also definitely had the experience of kids getting physical with DS2 (5 months). Kids and grandmothers, man.


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## karanyavel (May 8, 2010)

I'm thinking it's cultural. When I was 3 y/o, my family went on a trip and did a bit of shopping in Mexico. She turned around -- I was sitting in the cart -- to pick up something off of a shelf and when she turned back, I was sitting there wide-eyed and said (LOUDLY), "Mommy, that woman KISSED me!!"

(I wasn't upset or anything. I was just LOUD at that age -- everything from "Monster gave me a candy bar!!!" on Halloween to "Mommy, look, those are the panty pads we saw on TV!!" when we were in the feminine hygiene section.)

I live in an area that is 92% Hispanic now and when my daughter was younger (from baby to toddler) she used to attract tons of attention whenever we went to the store.. lots of top-of-the-head kisses, touches, etc. Mostly from adults, as she wasn't really in reach of little kids. It never bothered me (or her) but it does sound like the kids you're dealing with are getting carried away and I can see how that could get annoying fast.

--K


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## jecombs (Mar 6, 2008)

My DD and infant DS are in daycare. The preschoolers in DD's class are fascinated with my DS. I set boundaries early and often with them. We don't kiss the baby, that spreads germs. If a kids kisses him anyway, then I remind them of the rule. So far, so good, for us! They are allowed to touch DS's feet, but not his face or hands. I tell them they have big kid germs, and DS just isn't ready for that yet!


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't think it is creepy or wierd for a seven year old to have a deep fascination with babies and a desire for a cute baby sister. I think that with your oldest child being 2 you may be overestimating the maturity level of seven year olds and their ability to understand social norms. Maybe this has more to do with where I live, but when I had my dd a lot of people stopped me to talk about how cute she was and look at her. Many people we knew just casually wanted to hold her and they were adults. Seven year olds, and even 11 year olds, are closer to two year olds in years and in self control than they are to adults, keeping that in mind may help you remember that they are acting like kids and that liking babies isn't out of the realm of normal for anyone of any age. Boundaries are good to put up, I did when strangers asked to hold my dd and didn't feel an instant of guilt with that. Decide what yours are and implement them, but try to stay away from accusing children of being creepy and weird. That is just offensive and in only a few short years you will have first hand knowledge of how childish they still are. You will definitely eat a lot of your words then if you are even half as judgmental as I was when my dd was your oldest dd's age.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

As I said, One_Girl, I am sorry for using the words I have and didn't mean to offend anyone. That has already been addressed in this thread.

The thing is, I DO say stop. I DID say stop when my kids were sick and they were all up in their faces. Their parents are RIGHT THERE. I am walking out the door to the car and am SWARMED. I almost have to stop for a second to get my footing, and to ask them to stop, or to stop and unlock the car (remote doesn't work so I have to punch in the code). OR my 2yo stands next to me on the curb side while I buckle baby in... things like that. I HAVE told them to stop.

Today they kept coming inside my front gate. repeatedly (!!!) after I told them that they need to ask if it's okay to come inside. We have very small front yards in our neighborhood and in ours there is barely breathing room. If you're not sitting on the porch, there's just no room for more than two or three people. I was sitting on the porch getting my DD some fresh air (who was throwing up today). I mentioned this to them! They just do not do not do not listen. Their parents were right there. Finally the mom asked her younger DD to go back over to her own house. She listened, and I'm happy about that.

My DH & I had a discussion about this. I'm not sure why their parents aren't teaching their children boundaries. Sure, people have different cultures, and we need to respect that. But shouldn't people of other cultures respect that there ARE other cultures and that those other cultures don't necessarily have the same guidelines for what is okay and what is not okay?

Really. I am just getting sick of not being able to go outside without being swarmed. I am sick of not being able to have a little alone time with my children and sit under a tree in front etc. Our backyard is just a disaster- power tools and scrap wood and such everywhere, thanks to DHs grandfather who is our resident "handyman".

It's just very difficult. For those who don't think it is, just imagine trying to get out of your small less than 500sqft nearly one room basement apartment with little sunlight, only to go out and have one or two children seriously weighing you down and walking in front of you (essentially "under your feet") and you can't move. You can't get a breath of fresh air, you can't relax. And the children's parents rarely let out a peep about the child's behavior- even though they are RIGHT THERE sitting on their own porch. It is very taxing. My 2 year old asks permission to go into other people's yards, she asks me first, and then goes and asks whoever's yard it is. Even if it's a child (she doesn't get the adult being the authority figure yet, but still). I'm just baffled at their parents for the most part.

I just don't know. I really wish I wouldn't be criticized as much as I am in this thread.. I really need to know HOW to address this issue with them. Asking them to stop hasn't worked.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
As I said, One_Girl, I am sorry for using the words I have and didn't mean to offend anyone. That has already been addressed in this thread.


I only read your initial post not the whole thread. I am glad you changed your mind about those words. I think that some of the reason people are focusing on them is that they are very harsh words to use for describing children and when we see someone being harsh on a gd board many of us try to give an alternate perspective (not to criticize but to give you advice about more respectful ways of viewing children even when they are ticking you off), plus they are still in your initial post which is what many people read when posting replies quickly while taking care of children who are still awake. I am sorry you felt criticized.

There are some free English to Spanish on line translation tools you can google and use to translate a letter from English to Spanish. A letter asking them to make sure their kids stay out of your yard because it isn't safe and away from your children while you are outside for now may work. You could also write a letter to say that because their kids are so much older than yours you don't think it is right for them to play together and ask that they keep them in their yard.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Thanks One_Girl. I understand now- I put a note in my original post about that now.

Leaving notes to people about touchy subjects has always made me feel so awkward (same goes with e-mail). DHs grandma is very friendly with these people, as is MIL (we all live in the same building).

I do speak Spanish- just not perfect. Almost fluent, but not quite. I can speak it better than I can understand it. I'm not prepared for a big discussion (or argument) in Spanish, but I'm sure I can write a letter if I needed to.

Still- I'm not sure that's the right way to go, at least for now. I feel like there must be something else, but I'm not sure what I can really do to help the situation.

DHs family is Mexican and we have lots of female family members these girls' age- none are this touchy with our kids or any babies that we've seen them interact with. DH has family members that kiss you on the cheek with each visit- hello & goodbye. I don't mind that really. In this situation the complete lack of consideration that they (the parents, mostly) have is really getting to me.


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## hildare (Jul 6, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
Really. I am just getting sick of not being able to go outside without being swarmed. I am sick of not being able to have a little alone time with my children and sit under a tree in front etc. Our backyard is just a disaster- power tools and scrap wood and such everywhere, thanks to DHs grandfather who is our resident "handyman".

I just don't know. I really wish I wouldn't be criticized as much as I am in this thread.. I really need to know HOW to address this issue with them. Asking them to stop hasn't worked.

I totally agree that you are perfectly correct that you should not have to associate with anyone at any time! You have the right to be left alone.
First thing I would do would be to get grandpa to put a latch on the gate, or put up a gate that the children cannot access your yard without assistance or permission.
It's also obvious that they are not listening to your words. That may be the age of the children or the fact that you cannot or have not enforced what you say. It totally sucks that you would have to go inside your own house when you'd rather be outside just to avoid the contact.
Could you take your child on a walk to get away instead? Say no, very firmly, then remove your child from the situation.
I don't know if this makes me an avoider of confrontation but really, if it were me, I'd fix that fence/gate.
and.. would a sling/ergo or something help? get that baby high up out of their reach? Your babe's about a month younger than mine and my dd is heavy as heck but she still likes to be worn. It keeps her out of trouble at least some of the time...


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

if you speak spanish, then my suggestion is the next time this happens and the girls don't stop when you tell them to... look at the parents and say, "will you please ask them to stop. And will you tell them to ask for permission before rushing up and kissing my LO?" There doesn't have to be a discussion about it. You don't have to explain anything. Just politely ask the parents to step in with guidance about how you want them to greet your LOs.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

Lots of good feedback and suggestions here.

I want to add that just because two people are Hispanic, doesn't mean they're of the same culture. I work with Brazilians, Mexicans, Guatemalans, and Dominicans. They all differ a bit, culturally.

Secondly, maybe the girls' parents tried to have more children and were not able. Could be why they fawn over the baby and express wishes to take her home as a sister.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

Tell them the rules and nicely tell them if they can't follow them they should go back to their own yard.

Preschool has rule of no kissing because of germ-spreading. Seems reasonalbe enough to have it in your own home.


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## WindyCityMom (Aug 17, 2009)

Thank you again PPs







Boundaries are still being crossed... today these kids were in our front yard LOOKING IN OUR FRONT WINDOW!!! What in the world is this about? Seriously! DH told them to get out of our yard because they shouldn't be in there and that it wasn't nice to look in other peoples windows. They were running in between our two windows peeking in. We're in a basement apartment and our two windows are along the gangway (unless you live in a city you might now know what a gangway is.. it's the little sidewalk between people's houses).

Ugh.

I do wear baby in an ergo when we're going out and staying out, but if it's just out to the car it's too much of a hassle. Baby also wants to get down the moment I stop walking, I guess she gets bored. I'm short and this doesn't provide much protection against the kids.

About the latch on the gate- we HAVE one. We also have a lock but we don't have keys to it- and even so you could just reach your hand around and unlock it.

The younger girl has followed people on their walks and to the store before- including me, once. She does it to my nextdoor neighbors all.the.time, even when I have seen them express their wishes for her to stay home. She just says "well let me ask my mom". Her mom says yes.


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## purslaine (Feb 20, 2006)

How about discussing personal bubbles? Many kids get this. Tell them everyone has a personal bubble - and if people get in yours without permission it makes you uncomfortable. Explain the size of your bubble.

As per swarming you when you come outside - i would literally stop moving and say "bubble!" kindly but firmly until they move. I would also point out that it is really important not to grab onto people when they are walking or everyone could fall and people (including the baby) could get hurt.

I do feel for you. It is clear their parents are not going to set boundaries with them in this area so the job does fall to you. Do it firmly but kindly and it should all be good.

PS - one more thing - do you have curtains? It might give you more privacy - and the kids may be less inclined to come in your yard if they cannot peak in you window.


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## scottishmommy (Nov 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kathymuggle* 
How about discussing personal bubbles? Many kids get this. Tell them everyone has a personal bubble - and if people get in yours without permission it makes you uncomfortable. Explain the size of your bubble.

As per swarming you when you come outside - i would literally stop moving and say "bubble!" kindly but firmly until they move. I would also point out that it is really important not to grab onto people when they are walking or everyone could fall and people (including the baby) could get hurt.

I do feel for you. It is clear their parents are not going to set boundaries with them in this area so the job does fall to you. Do it firmly but kindly and it should all be good.
PS - one more thing - do you have curtains? It might give you more privacy- and the kids may be less inclined to come in your yard if they cannot peak in you window.

I second the bubble idea. I teach voice lessons and I have a few kids who have no boundaries. I tell them that I have a personal bubble that they can't invade. One kid said "geesh your bubble is big" I was like "yep, it is" also don't be afraid to be very honest with these kids. You can tell them they are being rude by not respecting your personal space. I also live in a very Hispanic neighborhood, and I've never had this sort of problem. Sure, Latin cultures are a little more physically affectionate than others, but it seems like these kids are just plain oblivious!


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## ginadc (Jun 13, 2006)

*The thing is, I DO say stop. I DID say stop when my kids were sick and they were all up in their faces. Their parents are RIGHT THERE. I am walking out the door to the car and am SWARMED.*

Yeah, this is really where the parents _should_ be stepping in. You've mentioned that they speak Spanish, but I'm not clear on how good their English is--in any case, however, I'm sure your discomfort at this behavior must be pretty obvious, and since your homes are so close together, it's hard for me to imagine they couldn't hear and understand if you were using words like "No" and "Stop."

My ODD's friends at preschool are baby-crazy, one in particular, whose mother, only half in jest, calls her the "baby stalker." The second I arrive on the playground with my YDD, who's now 3 months, I am _surrounded_ by kids who want to touch baby Katia. We've told them from the minute the baby was born that they may only touch her feet, and only after washing hands. They are pretty good about respecting those boundaries (and wow, are they more enthusiastic about hand-washing than ever before!), but I still have to repeat myself with them a few times when little hands sneak out and try to go for the head or the fingers.

That said, I think it's a _lot_ easier because both the teachers and the kids' parents, when they're also around (at pick-up or dropoff, which is when this usually happens), reinforce the rules. "Baby Stalker's" mom is particularly vigilant about reminding her DD that we only touch the baby's feet and that we need to give the baby space. If it were just me trying to fend off all these baby-mad kids without support from other adults in authority, I think it'd be a lot harder.

Which brings me to...if you want this to stop, you've got to talk to the parents. They clearly aren't going to do anything about it without being asked, because they've seen it happening, they've seen you saying no, and they haven't stepped in. And the kids clearly aren't listening to you when you ask them to stop. So, if you can express yourself in Spanish well enough to be understood by them, then I think that's probably what you're going to have to do, along with stepping up the degree of firmness with which you talk to the girls.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *WindyCityMom* 
About the latch on the gate- we HAVE one. We also have a lock but we don't have keys to it- and even so you could just reach your hand around and unlock it.

There has to be a way to lock the gate. A padlock or something. A lock you don't have keys to is useless -- get it removed and put one up yourself so that you have the keys or combo.

Everything you describe does sound really frustrating. I would not be hesitant to show my frustration to the kids and the parents. I'd say things like, "Move aside, I need to get to my car and you're in my way," "No, don't come in our gate, we're having family time out here right now," "No, you can't come to the store with us, go home. I know your mom said yes but I'm the one who would have to watch you and I said no." There are two pushy, tag-along kids in my neighborhood and I have to be extremely firm and direct (bordering on rude) with them or else they'll spend every waking moment with us.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

Well, insofar as the type of touching goes, I know plenty of white kids (and black, and Filipino, and Spanish, and Mexican, and German, and, and, and) who love all over my baby. Their behavior sounds completely normal and is, in my opinion, for *me*, totally acceptable. So, that's me.

But for you, it's unacceptable. So I agree you need to speak to the parents. I personally would say something like: "I'm glad to have nice neighbors like you. Your children are very sweet. But to us, our yard is part of our home. So please, ask your children to respect the gate like they respect the front door. I don't want to keep nagging them. Thanks!"

I wouldn't leave the note. Try your Spanish. Go for it.

It seems to me like you want the parents to do something about something they have no problem with. You don't want to confront them. There are lots of inarticulate people in the world that are shy about bringing up issues, but they do it when they have to. So you're inarticulate in Spanish. That's okay. Maybe it will disarm them, make them more gentle with you. LOL

Quote:

Ex: "I want M (my 8mo) to be my baby sister for my mom and dad to have and take her home with me..." She then went into detail about how my DD would become her sister. Strange.
This is so normal as to be common. I must hear it weekly about my baby. They just want a baby sibling. Simple as that. They're not going to steal the baby.







Maybe their parents are done having kids. Probably they said it at home and the neighbors laughed and said, "Oh, I bet her mama would miss her!" or "Are you kidding? You kids are enough trouble for us.







"

Quote:

"Move aside, I need to get to my car and you're in my way," "No, don't come in our gate, we're having family time out here right now," "No, you can't come to the store with us, go home. I know your mom said yes but I'm the one who would have to watch you and I said no."
I would say all of these things, but with "please" attached, while in a very firm voice with a firm but gentle look, after having explained to them with their parents that the yard is your family relaxing space.


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