# HELP! 3 year old naps = LATE bedtime



## yogamama (Nov 19, 2001)

My daughter just turned 3 a few weeks ago. She will still take a nap - and gets cranky by early evening without a nap. But on days when she does get a nap, she is awake until 11pm. Any advice, mamas (or papas)?

She usually awakes about 8am, needs a nap around 3:30 or 4pm. Naturally, would nap for about an hour and half. Then she is up til 11pm. If I try to do quiet time in the afternoon, it just doesn't seem to work. If she naps it either happens because I lay down with her and she falls asleep nursing or she falls asleep when we are in the car driving home from someplace.

Without a nap, she goes to bed closer to 8pm and she is kind of wound up the last few hours. She is also less sweet without the nap - and she is already a high energy, physical kid.

I REALLY need quiet time to myself after 9 or 9:30 - so I don't like the 11pm bedtime. It's too late for me! My son is almost 7 years old and he gave up naps at right around his third birthday.

Okay - I'm ready for advice.

Thanks
Kathleen


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## Stephanie L. (Jun 7, 2005)

Well, I feel that each family has to do what is right for them, and I'll tell you what worked for us. We were in this same situation when my DD1 was 2 to 2 1/2. She'd nap at 5 or 6 pm and stay up until 1 or 1:30 am--MUCH too late for me! I decided to give up her naps. Although she seemed like she still needed them for a year afterword, I just had to do it for ...well, SO many reasons.

She'd have some hard times in the evenings and I'd just expect them, be ready for them and do whatever it took to get her to stay up until about 7 pm. She'd been nursing through the night up until then as well, but this soon ended as she was heavy asleep all through the entire night!

WoW!! it was the answer. I just had to learn to respect a religious bedtime routine and an early bedtime and we were home free!!


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Yeah, this stage is no fun. Basically, we did the same thing as the pp. Moved bedtime a little earlier, had down time at the usual "nap time" (cuddle on the couch, I'll admit to using TV for half an hour), then an earlier dinner, a quick walk/play outside and then to bed.

It took 3-4 weeks to get through it, but at the end, he no longer needed a nap, and he had a reasonable bedtime hour. We're about to go through the same thing with dd. Sigh. She's up until 10 when she naps, no matter the time she falls asleep. And since she's pretty vocal, she keeps her brother up too!

Grin and bear it is my advice -- do some easy meals ahead so you have time/effort to deal with the meltdown hour before dinner and she'll adjust.


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## Lazyhead (Mar 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Stephanie L.*
Well, I feel that each family has to do what is right for them, and I'll tell you what worked for us. We were in this same situation when my DD1 was 2 to 2 1/2. She'd nap at 5 or 6 pm and stay up until 1 or 1:30 am--MUCH too late for me! I decided to give up her naps. Although she seemed like she still needed them for a year afterword, I just had to do it for ...well, SO many reasons.

She'd have some hard times in the evenings and I'd just expect them, be ready for them and do whatever it took to get her to stay up until about 7 pm. She'd been nursing through the night up until then as well, but this soon ended as she was heavy asleep all through the entire night!

WoW!! it was the answer. I just had to learn to respect a religious bedtime routine and an early bedtime and we were home free!!









Yep. Same thing. It can suck keeping DD up til 7 but it is SO worth it. Out like a light and sleeps like a rock! Yay similes!


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## l_olive (Jan 18, 2005)

I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable interferring with what her body needs in the way of sleep. It seems like she still needs her nap, and honestly, I'd honor that. You could try to move it up in the day, but that could backfire on you, too.

Is there any other time you can get your "me" time? Is there a reason you can't have it when she's napping? Or before she gets up?

My 3.5 year old's schedule is the just the same. He gets up about 8:30, naps from 2:30 to 4:30, and goes to bed with us at about 11-ish. I know it's not easy. But just like I wasn't willing to mess with his sleep needs as an infant, I'm still not willing to do it now.

I personally can't imagine putting up with the sleep-deprived grouchy zombie child I'd have on my hands if I purposely kept him awake during the day when his body was trying to sleep. I think dealing with that would make me a much worse mom than I would be if I didn't get an hour of "me time" before bed.

And this too, is temporary, isnt' it? Our children will be dropping the nap on their own soon enough, after all.

Just my two cents,

--Olive


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## zansmama (Feb 17, 2006)

We've got the same thing going on with ds, and yes, 7 seems to be the magic time. He was just a little grouchy the first couple of weeks, but really, it works out well for both of us. If we go the playground around 3 or so, hang out till 5, then go home for dinner and bath, he's out by 7/7:30, with no grouchy time at all. It's actually forced me to come up with a bedtime routine, in order to keep him up as late as possible. (So he doesn't wake up at 4:30) So, we have a cozy little reading of Winnie-the-Pooh, or The House at Pooh Corner, and then nana, and then out like a light, and solid deep sleep until 6. I can even move him while he's sleeping, which I've never been able to do without waking him!


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## Harry's Mom (Jul 17, 2005)

Yep, ds is approaching 3 and when he naps its late, so he doesn't even get up from his nap 'til 6 or 7 pm sometimes! He does very well without a nap most days. If I can't get him to nap by 2:30, then we skip it. I just have to be sure to avoid driving with him after 3:30, or he falls asleep in the car. I also make sure he gets dinner as early as 4 or 5 pm so that if he's really wiped out I can put him down for the night at 6 pm. (Usually it's 7 pm, but there are days when he actually goes down at 5 pm and sleeps for 14 hours!!!) It would be great if we weren't still co-sleeping for most of the night!









We're commited to being home in the late afternoon/evenings or this wouldn't work. I just don't understand those moms who can take their toddlers out for late dinners or visiting or whatever. If you're gonna skip the nap, things have to be low key during the witching hours, and keeping ds well fed seems to help a lot with the crankiness.

Betzi


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## nikirj (Oct 1, 2002)

Oh how I hated this phase with my older kids.

Can you wake her from her nap? I've done this before and it works pretty well; just not let them get quite the full nap. You've got to be prepared for about a half hour of grumpiness though, maybe more or less depending on your kid.

I would live with the cranky not-nap, it is probably temporary until she adjusts to not having one on a regular basis anymore. That is unless by "cranky" you mean "absolute hellion that puts a huge strain on family togetherness".


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## True Blue (May 9, 2003)

It's hard but I would definitely eliminate the nap. 7pm bedtimes are wonderful!!! We used to do bath at 6, in bed reading stories by 6:30, lights out by 7pm at the latest, and DS would be asleep by 7:05. It was magical.







He was cranky the first couple weeks adjusting but it was worth it.


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## l_olive (Jan 18, 2005)

Maybe the difference with my family is that my dh has an hour commute, so he's not usually home until after 6. If I were to try to put my ds to bed by 7, we'd have to have already eaten dinner without my dh, and even then ds and his papa would have like 30 minutes together before having to put him to bed.

I like spending evenings together as a family. We go to the park together, we play games, we go for walks, all kinds of things we couldn't do if ds were in bed. That certainly wouldn't seem magical to me at all!

--Olive


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## True Blue (May 9, 2003)

Well my DH is in the military and works at 7am and is usually home late afternoon, so it has been perfect for us!!!!


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## homemademomma (Apr 1, 2004)

no advice really- we are going through the same thing with ds. we try to follow his cues- he gets a nap somedays, somedays not. if he hasnt fallen asleep by 1:30, we skip it. and we try to fill the evenings with f un activities


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## taz925 (Nov 29, 2001)

My guy is working on dropping the nap (4 is Sept.) but some days he really needs it. I go with it for the most part. If he has a late nap and does not want to go to bed, that is rough. We still try to go to bed at the same time give or take half an hour and some nights he talks and talks, and asks for water or has to pee etc but we have managed to get him to sleep anyway. Sometimes it is very annoying and frustrating but I can't tell him he can't sleep when he needs to during the day. He just gets so miserable, everything is a struggle. Bedtime is firm due to his brothers schedule. If I let one stay up the other has to stay up so they both go down at the same time.

Can you get your me time in the morning before they wake?

Doreen


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## nichole (Feb 9, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *l_olive*
Maybe the difference with my family is that my dh has an hour commute, so he's not usually home until after 6. If I were to try to put my ds to bed by 7, we'd have to have already eaten dinner without my dh, and even then ds and his papa would have like 30 minutes together before having to put him to bed.

I like spending evenings together as a family. We go to the park together, we play games, we go for walks, all kinds of things we couldn't do if ds were in bed. That certainly wouldn't seem magical to me at all!

--Olive

thats ok...different things are gonna work for diff families. glad you have something that works for you!









i however am not a nice person after 10pm or so even if i nap with him. most days we do no nap. he really resists them anyways and he sleeps 7 to 7. he actually gets more total sleep on non nap days. if he really seems to need it i will put him down but not more than 2 hrs and not later than 4. sometimes he does really well if he falls asleep in the car for just a few minutes on the way to an errand. today he napped from 3:30pm to 5:30pm so i am thinking it will be a late night!


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## Stephanie L. (Jun 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *l_olive*
I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable interferring with what her body needs in the way of sleep. It seems like she still needs her nap, and honestly, I'd honor that. You could try to move it up in the day, but that could backfire on you, too.

Is there any other time you can get your "me" time? Is there a reason you can't have it when she's napping? Or before she gets up?

My 3.5 year old's schedule is the just the same. He gets up about 8:30, naps from 2:30 to 4:30, and goes to bed with us at about 11-ish. I know it's not easy. But just like I wasn't willing to mess with his sleep needs as an infant, I'm still not willing to do it now.

I personally can't imagine putting up with the sleep-deprived grouchy zombie child I'd have on my hands if I purposely kept him awake during the day when his body was trying to sleep. I think dealing with that would make me a much worse mom than I would be if I didn't get an hour of "me time" before bed.

And this too, is temporary, isnt' it? Our children will be dropping the nap on their own soon enough, after all.

Just my two cents,

--Olive


Olive, I totally agree with this!! But sometimes we make adjustments and... they WORK! I did not believe in messing with a BABY sleep-schedule, and still do not. I was working at a Waldorf preschool and the teacher suggested to gently alter the (lack of) schedule so that she could fit in to the perameters of our day a little better. It worked!! I mean it REALLY worked!! For over 2 years I'd been a slave to our lack of rest and suddenly this was gone. At two/two and a half years old my daughter was no longer a baby and was ready to leave the infant lifestyle behind. (Although she still nursed for another year and a half!)

And if a child is getting what they need for sleep (10-13 hours/day) it can be okay. If parents tried changing a child's schedule and after two weeks the child was awfully miserable, it must not be working... so change it. y'no??

By the way, I really LOVE the name Olive... (=DD2!!)


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## moma justice (Aug 16, 2003)

i took the nap too...
i am NOT a nice mom after 9:30....i am just not.
and for me ap only works when i have a little down/quiet time in the evening for me and dh.

so after about a month of adjusting, we have the routine down and she does pretty well all day.

we have nice balance of rest/peaceful activities and outdoor/adventurous play.

i feel renwed and complete and my marriage is not falling apart.
=
i love bed time (it takes les than 5 mintues to put her to sleep)

we do not go into a car in the afternoons...and if i want to have a dinner that is more comples to prepare, i do the prep work earlier in the day, she needs me more in the late afternoon.


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## Stephanie L. (Jun 7, 2005)

While pregnant with DD2, I also napped, like mama justice. But after her birth coordinating the two children & their naps was not possible. But definitely nice during pregnancy!


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## Hollycrand (Apr 26, 2004)

My dd stopped taking regular naps at 24 months, but had meltdowns by 5pm. She still sometimes gets really tired, and waking her up from a nap results in a REALLY hard afternoon so I just dropped the nap.
What works for us is some 'down time' or 'quiet time' (as I call it) sometime in the afternoon (for my daughter between 2 and 3pm) where we just lie down, read books, cuddle, talk softly (because baby is also napping) and just have some relaxed afternoon bonding time.
This helps her have some energy for those last hours before sleep and makes a huge difference in dd's evenings. She is in bed by 7 or 8pm to sleep all the way until 7am the next morning. Bliss!


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## lexbeach (Mar 6, 2002)

We've struggled with this a lot in the past year (my boys are almost 3.5). They really DO still need to nap, but if they nap too late, then they go to bed too late, but still wake up at the same time (regardless of bedtime), and thus don't get enough sleep and are cranky all day. I'd rather have them a little cranky in the evening (without a nap), but well-rested during the rest of the day. The solution we've come to is that if they're gonna nap, it has to start by 1:30, and can't last longer than an hour. They actually do quite well with a 20-minute nap. They will only fall asleep in the car, but that's easy for us since we live 20-30 minutes away from everything, so most days we can arrange to be in the car right when they need a nap (and they will keep sleeping in the car with the engine turned off).

We also start bedtime at 6:45, and they are asleep by 8:00 (definitely not an easy bedtime in our house, but I think that's more of a twins thing than anything else).

I really wish they just didn't need the nap anymore. . .

Lex


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

I am in the same boat with DD 2.5 but she is very grouchy if she does not take a nap when she needs it, so have just been muddling along, maybe The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers would have some helpful ideas.


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## veganf (Dec 12, 2005)

I'd definitely ditch naptime. It may take a few weeks for her to adjust, and it may be an extra grumpy experience for all, but in all likelihood she'll go to bed earlier and easier.

- Krista


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## Rox5266 (Nov 26, 2004)

I'm in a similiar situation - but my ds is really not ready to drop his nap, so I don't force him to stay up. But slowly we have days where he does not nap and goes to bed earlier, like 7 - 8 PM. I am just going with the flow, although I am exhausted by 10 PM and want to go to bed then myself!

The problem with dropping naps is, sometimes you CAN"T keep them awake until 7 PM. If you have them in the car, or if you are still bfing like I am (CLW), then they may fall asleep at 5-6 PM and then you are awake 'til at least 12 AM!







:

But slowly, if you let them and can stand it, most children supposedly give up their nap somewhere between 3-4. At least that is what I have been told, and my ds seems to be following that pattern.

Good luck, what ever you choose to do!


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## Destinye (Aug 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Rox5266*
The problem with dropping naps is, sometimes you CAN"T keep them awake until 7 PM. If you have them in the car, or if you are still bfing like I am (CLW), then they may fall asleep at 5-6 PM and then you are awake 'til at least 12 AM!







:


Thats what happens with DD usually in the car, but we have been trying to wake her a little earlier and now she is napping the alst 2 days on my lap NAK again which she has not done for a while, at 11 or 12 and going to sleep around 10 not 11 - this is progress! I can't make her not nap when she obviously needs it though.


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## *Jessica* (Jun 10, 2004)

We're going through this stage right now. It stinks! The difference is that Nik takes a 3 hour nap and waking him up before his time is up is impossible! You can do anything you want and he'll just roll over and go back to sleep. So he either falls asleep before 1:30pm or I do everything I can to keep him awake until at least 6pm. I really don't like keeping him awake, though.


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