# How does co-sleeping affect your sex life?



## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

I don't co-sleep with my dd and I am looking into information as I don't understand (am not educated) on much of the ins and outs of it. I feel very protective of my dh and my privacy in our room and our bed being our 'marital bed'. What I was trying to figure was how/when cosleeping parents have sex/intimate time? If dd wasn't in her crib at night (with both of us getting adequate sleep and privacy) I know we'd probably never end up dtd. How do co-sleepers work that out?... or is that something you sacrifice for the well being of your children? I've read some articles like "Cosleeping is great because..." but I haven't heard a lot from parents who actually do it and how they make it work for everyone in the family.


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## JennP (May 4, 2004)

I our case we have our queen size 'family bed' then there is a spare bed in the other room. We can snuggle in the other room on the nights the kids allow. Other acts happen when it is possible, with kids in other rooms I don't think it would be any easier or anything as the deterent after kids is exhaustion not a place to do it.

Good luck, I love waking up with my kids and husband.

Jenn


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## mom0810 (May 19, 2006)

We have never had any issue with our sex life and cosleeping. DS is one year old, and we have been co-sleeping since he was born. It's just not even something that has crossed our minds. There are "other" places to have sex, and it's not an issue when the baby is sleeping. Early mornings... late at night... TMI? He,he,he.... considering that I have had 3 times since ds was born that I thought I was pregnant... I would say that co-sleeping has had NO effect whatsoever on our sex life and in fact ADDS to the intimacy in our relationship.

It is truly, next to breastfeeding, the most important choice and BEST choice we have made in our son's life, I think.


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

oh well DH would tell you it has made it BETTER as now we are creative, and think about it, it isnot jsut the last thing after we fall into bed, before we are asleep.

Now that ds is 13 months -- he goes to be bewtween 7 and 8 -- in his own room. I nurse him, then walk and rock till he is asleep, then i lay with him in his bed for 10 minutes (more or less) then i get up --he will sleep an hour, then i will rub his back and lay with him till he is back to sleep then he will slepp two or 3 hours.

so after DS is asleep the 2nd time Dh and I have time -- we go to our bed, or anywehre else in the house. we've had to stop mid-act -- but ehy we have a baby -- everyone has to stop mid-act.









When I go to bed -- or after Dh and I have snuggled and talked for a while and decided we are ready to sleep -- i go fetch DS. If he wakess up on his own after we are in bed and done i just go get him.

When DS slept in out bed all the time (before he chould try to get out -- which is why he is in his own bed when alone) -- it was the same routine but with him in our room we went else where. sofa, his room, floor, loft......

we have also snuck out of bed in the am to DTD adn then go back to bed.

when the babe was tiny -- we'd lay him in a nest on the floor and DTD in teh bed (liek the first month or so we were active, neither of wanted DS that far from us). we'd be on the sofa with him in his moses basket a few times too when he was again 4 month or less. we set him in his crib with the moblie on a time or two (20 minute timer -- beat the clock) when he was 3 or 4 months old.

it really is NOT tough. now if we are co-leeping a baby when we have older kids -- i can see that being a prob (not wanting to be ont eh sofa for teh 7 yo to walk in on) -- but again at that point we can jsut go tot he "they start the night in their own room" thing asn have our room for teh deed.

Really I don't think sleep-shareing has effected us at all.

turest me, as much as DS wakes up laying holding on to me -- if I had to get up, go to anohter room, and come back to bed -- i'd be sooooooooooooooooooooooooo out of it DH would not get food, much less affection. I am really tried as it is. I would not change this for anyhting.

DH and cuddle as much as ever and DS joins in. to see DH and DS int eh morning -- when DS wakes up to find daddy home -- it is worth everything.

NO sacrfice here -- I loooove it. the calm the peace, the soft sounds. (the toes in the stomach and the fingers tangled in my hair)

I have said it before -- i do not think co-sleeping has any effect on the sex life of a couple -- i think being parents has an effect on teh sex life of a couple























A


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

for us what slows us down is having a baby/toddler, not where they sleep. We have a king sized bed, so once she's asleep there's still plenty of room for us. Or as others have mentioned, there are tons of other places.

-Angela


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

Honestly, it doesn't affect our sex life at all. If we have sleeping kiddos in our bed - we either move them or find another place.


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## mommy65 (Jul 11, 2005)

it isn't great for our sex life but we can deal. i can't imagine handling sleep any other way, so we just make it work as best we can.


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## rmzbm (Jul 8, 2005)

Doesn't affect it at all.







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## ~member~ (May 23, 2002)

It's better and much more creative.


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## Ex Libris (Jan 31, 2004)

It doesn't affect ours. We just wait till ds is asleep or go into another room. It's not the "where" that counts . . .


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Co-sleeping doesn't affect our sex life at all--having a baby does, though! We just lay him down and sneak off to another room. The biggest roadblocks have nothing to do with having a family bed. It seems like there is always something keeping him awake: teething, milestones, gas, what have you--so it's hard to find time when he is sleeping and we are awake sometimes. And when it does happen, I'm so frazzled that I don't want to get busy! I've had someone climbing all over me all day, for goodness' sake. I just want to sit back, put my feet up, and pour a glass of wine instead!


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Well it looks like I will be the dissenting voice. Co-sleeping has made our sex life pretty sparse, I should add that I have been parenting for 15 years. I have a 15 yo ds and a 17 mo dd, so I am not a parenting newbie.

With ds I did the standard crib but with dd I decided to cosleep well dd once she goes down is so sensitive that leaving her side once she's out is generally a recipe to have her wake up pretty soon thereafter.

I wish I could say that I had no desire due to having a little one around but that wouldn't be true at all. However we have become adept at the quickie and generally that happens in a locked room like the bathroom (with a teen in the house, can't just slip into the living room). I also am working now and dd is in daycare so we try to do a date every other Friday, we wrap up work early in order to get some time before we pick her up. I admit that probably is not very AP or MDC, but at the moment it works for us.

I still believe that co-sleeping is valuable especially from the aspect of BF'ing but its not always peaches and cream. I think a lot can depend on your child. However as the parent of a teenager, I remind myself that this time goes by so quickly that its not a big deal.

Just a different perspective.

Shay


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## Lolafanana (Dec 29, 2005)

While I do love cosleeping, it actually has really put a damper on our sex life. We rarely have sex since Dd is in our bed and goes to bed just a little bit earlier than we do and we are always way too tired by then. We are actually thinking about if maybe we should transition to the crib. I am very much in the minority here but I'm just being honest.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

It hasn't effected our sex life at all. We have a king sized bed, and no inhibitions about having sex while the kid (or sometimes kids) are sleeping right there.

I'm more apt than dp to suggest doing it elsewhere in the house, but that's usually because the baby fell asleep elsewhere and I want to keep an eye on him.


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## tamagotchi (Oct 16, 2005)

We have a king sized bed and there's plenty of room. Actually we feel more comfortable with DS sleeping right there in the bed, because we know he is safe and asleep! We tried going to another room but we found ourselves stopping all the time at little noises, thinking we were hearing DS waking up.


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## *guest (Oct 7, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
Co-sleeping doesn't affect our sex life at all--having a baby does, though! We just lay him down and sneak off to another room. The biggest roadblocks have nothing to do with having a family bed. It seems like there is always something keeping him awake: teething, milestones, gas, what have you--so it's hard to find time when he is sleeping and we are awake sometimes. And when it does happen, I'm so frazzled that I don't want to get busy! I've had someone climbing all over me all day, for goodness' sake. I just want to sit back, put my feet up, and pour a glass of wine instead!









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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
It hasn't effected our sex life at all. We have a king sized bed, and no inhibitions about having sex while the kid (or sometimes kids) are sleeping right there.

I'm glad someone else said that. We have two beds pushed together- a twin (ds's) and a full (ours). We have plenty of room, and when ds is asleep, he's out. I have wondered what age is too old to be doing this though.


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## smallmama (Dec 6, 2006)

Well, I'll dissent too. DS is 5 mo old and we have yet to DTD since he's been born. DH doesn't even sleep with me and DS since he (DH) is a heavy, restless sleeper and our queen bed doesn't seem big enough for all 3 of us. DS likes to be right up against me when he sleeps, so he wakes up if I even try to sneak away for some private time with DH.

Kinda sucks, but I'm keeping in mind that it's temporary.


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## clavicula (Apr 10, 2005)

no problem here! we have a BIG mattress...and two other rooms...and the kitchen...anyway it rather became more exciting and intresting i guess!


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## mimiharshe (Oct 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *clavicula* 
no problem here! we have a BIG mattress...and two other rooms...and the kitchen...anyway it rather became more exciting and intresting i guess!
















took the words out of my mouth! we just started co-sleeping again and our sex life has improved greatly b/c we have to be more "involved" meaning it's not just really late at night, we crawl in to bed exhausted and "oh ya, we should do it!". instead it's like "hey, the kids are asleep...let's go to this room and get it on!"


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## 425lisamarie (Mar 4, 2005)

I think we have a great sex life because I am well rested most the time. Even though I'm 'awake' a lot at night, my kiddos are right in bed with me so I don't feel like i'm up all night. Makes me more eager to be nice to DH now that he sleeps with the babe part of the night


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## Chronic Chrissy (Sep 4, 2006)

nak
Sure our sex life is affected. We used to DTD many times a day. Now we are down to 4-5 times a week and that's with partial co-sleeping. There are a few reasons to this. I can't enjoy myself #1 and nither can DH with her in the bed with us. We feel it is very inappropriate. #2 When DD fusses or crys all enjoyment is lost, even the little "I'm awake and playing" noises ruin the mood. #3 When DD is in the bed or room we wake her up most of the time. During the day there is too much stuff to do and catch up on when she is sleeping. Oh and #4 nothing is the right height to make DTD work for us except DD's things, and I'm not using her crib to bend over, or sitting on her dresser to me it's just wrong, so we are limited to the bed and the couch.


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## pixilixi (Jun 20, 2006)

I must say in the first few months, it was hard to leave ds' side while he was asleep, so not a lot of action happened.

But in the last few months, ds has been going to bed well before us, so the loungeroom and the spare room are up for grabs! Though I will agree, sometimes I feel more like having some "me" time without body contact with somebody at the end of the day!

Also, I think that co-sleeping helps, because if ds slept in a cot/bed in another room, I would just end up sleeping in the other room anyway - then dh would be all alone, and dh needs the snuggles and company as much as the sex...

Brooke


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## Miasmamma (Sep 20, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tamagotchi* 
We have a king sized bed and there's plenty of room. Actually we feel more comfortable with DS sleeping right there in the bed, because we know he is safe and asleep! We tried going to another room but we found ourselves stopping all the time at little noises, thinking we were hearing DS waking up.

This is us completely. The few times we tried it with DD out of the bed, or us out of the bed were complete disasters. So now we just wait till she's alseep. The dogs are more of a hinderance than she is.


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## MammaKoz (Dec 9, 2003)

Hmmm, let me remember what I said to my nosey MIL when she asked this question...Oh ya, I told her not one of our children were conceived in a bed, let alone a bedroom.







:

It hasn't affected our sex life at all. If anything it has made it better. Those stolen moments to run downstairs for a quickie make it fun, piling up blankets and pillows in the living room and having a little 'slumber party' of our own. We also have a spare room and bed with a TV in it. So a lot of times we'll put the kids to bed and fall into the other bed just to snuggle and watch TV and well, not much TV usually gets watched during those times.









Sex is very important to both DH and I, but so is co sleeping. We both love snuggling with our kids at night and waking up to them in the morning. It just means that we have to be a little more creative at other times and find other places.

By the summer we'll have 3 kids 5 years old and under, so no, it hasn't affected our sex life at all obviously.


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

it is the only reason DH gets ANY --

1. if ds was in a crib in annother room -- I;'d be up all night and so tired and crabby Dh would not get food, much less love. (I am tried and getting crabby anyway)

2. if DS was ina crib I'd be so mad at DH for not haiving him in our room.....

3. if DS was in another room all the time I'd be ther etoo.

butttttttttttttttt

as it is -- ds goes to bed in his own room, and we are free for a few hours and then I take DS to bed when i go to bed for the night --

i viote for the creative and the fact we have to "think about it".

now for the frist 16 weeks we did NOT dtd ever, then rarely till week 30, and we didn't beack up to 5 and 6 nights a week sill mosnth 8 or 9.........butttttttttttttttt that was BABY not co-sleeping. and would have only been a longer break if he wasn't with us all night letting me (then) sleep all night and thus get a grip and recove physically (ds slept great for a long time, the up all night crying = tried momma who is ready to drop is a new thing). I Think sleep-shareing only helped -- i got more sleep to recover, i felt better about myself as a mom and thus person due to the shared sleep and so on......

We used to do the deed on one side of the king bed while DS slept ont eh other -- when he was smaller....we haven't done that in a while -- he seem to be ina place now where he is not sleeping so soundly (opr soemthing) and is waking more so we don't risk waking him. I am guessing by the time this sleep issue is over he'll be too old........


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## mothragirl (Sep 10, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy65* 
it isn't great for our sex life but we can deal. i can't imagine handling sleep any other way, so we just make it work as best we can.









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## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MammaKoz* 
Hmmm, let me remember what I said to my nosey MIL when she asked this question...Oh ya, I told her not one of our children were conceived in a bed, let alone a bedroom.







:

hah! we're two for two over here. i quoted this post to my dh who said, "yeah, maybe we should stop having sex on couches when we're done making babies then!"









anyway, i'm the classic post-partum "no interest in sex" mama, so co-sleeping didn't affect our sex-life-- having a baby did. though when we *do* dtd, figuring out times and places isn't all that difficult. our office has seen way more action than our bedroom has in the past two years... (tmi? probably so.) and we're also not hesitant about just moving ds over once he is asleep, though we're both getting a little gun-shy about that as he gets older.

the only issue i have with co-sleeping and sex is that, since we're not using our bed as the usual spot so much anymore, i really miss the whole post-coital cuddle and fall asleep all tangled together thing we used to do. on the living room floor, that's not so cool. :-/

christina


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## ErikaLeigh (Dec 24, 2006)

My main questions, is how can you DTD with your child in the bed?!!

I can't believe that our room mate DTD with her child in the same room.

I just don't think that I can do that.


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## guestmama9911 (May 24, 2005)

Our favorite location is on the floor in the hall, anyway, so no change there...


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

we have a king bed, so to DTD -- a quicki or a solw sppon-style session -- with DS asleep on the other side is not a biggie -- or wasn't when he was a littel more of a sound sleeper. Granted you can't jump all over the bed and roll around like some movie -- but cuddle under the banket and do it spoon style -- very littel bounce and very littel noise.....

Now that DS is more active, adn more easy to stir -- we don't do it like that hardly at all -- unless we want to get a morning quicki in -- ds notices if we leave the bed in the AM.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaKoz
Hmmm, let me remember what I said to my nosey MIL when she asked this question...Oh ya, I told her not one of our children were conceived in a bed, let alone a bedroom
I LOOOOOVE that 00 my MIL is a pain, buttttt she is not bold enough to say anythign to ME (she knows i won't put up with it) so I won't get the chance, butttttttt ohhhhh i'd love to.

AImee


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## Mamma Christi (Dec 15, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies* 
It's better and much more creative.










So true! Though most of the time we still end up having sex in the bed, but more of during the day when DS is napping


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## sparklemama (Oct 16, 2003)

Co-sleeping hasn't affected our sex life, just having the babies and being pregnant! Co-sleeping has been one of the single best decisions we've made. I wouldn't trade it for anything, we love it.


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## KimProbable (Jun 22, 2005)

We're doing great over here despite having one full-time co-sleeper and one part-time co-sleeper. I've even got the knocked down shower curtain to prove it.


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## jenmk (Apr 28, 2005)

We have a sex life because we co-sleep! Otherwise I'd be too darn tired to do anything, and too tired to have any interest in sex. As it is, I'm reasonably well-rested because babe is in bed with us (and his older brothers always end up in our bed by morning.) And how sexy is it to see my love snuggling my little loves? Yowsa!! Hummida hummida!


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

Well...........

We co-sleep and I'm pregnant with our fourth!


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## georgia (Jan 12, 2003)

Here is a link to a bunch of Mothering articles---Where oh where is a good one to start with









We've always co-slept, and we have three children...so, other than postpartum baby-is-all-I-care-about times when there is zero interest on my part, we couldn't imagine not all *sleeping* in the same bed









As I have totally joked before, beds are for amateurs


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

we just do it wherever the mood strikes. obviously we managed to get knocked up with our second while co-sleeping!


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## MCatLvrMom2A&X (Nov 18, 2004)

To the poster that asked how can you dtd with the baby in the bed the answer for us is simple as long as they are asleep they see nothing and hear nothing. If they wake during we are always covered and it just lookes like we are cuddling. We do that all the time any way. Having said that now ds wakes if the bed moves to much so we no longer dtd in there plus dd is 6yo and I am just not comfy because she is to smart she would figure out something was going on besides just cuddling









IMHO there is nothing wrong with dtd with the child right there as long as they are asleep. As for the age when it is no longer ok that is a personal choice that each couple has to make.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

Yup, its why we only get to have sex every 3-4 weeks. Obviously it would be wrong to have sex with a child in our bed, so we don't. can't have sex in any other room in the house as we have an older child that runs around. So reallly the only way we can manage to get any is if DS2 is playing with DS1 in the other room or something.


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## Sagesgirl (Nov 22, 2001)

As others have said, there are places other than the bed to have sex.

We have three children ages 4 & under, so we're obviously not hurting too much in the frequency department either. Do we make love daily anymore? No, but there's nothing in that to lay it at the door of the sleeping arrangements. I know of few parents of very small children who manage to make love with their pre-child frequency. Long work hours play into it a heck of a lot more than who sleeps where! When my husband was unemployed we were ML probably five or more times a week; now that he is working 10 or 12 hour days again it's more like once or twice a week.

If anything, I think cosleeping has helped preserve our sex life. The only time I have ever had that fabled new-parent exhaustion was when I was in the hospital with the newest-born and not allowed to co-sleep. Of course this is not true for everyone, but co-sleeping helps me sleep better--and more--and a well-rested mama is one who doesn't choose sleep over sex.


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## ABMama (Aug 2, 2006)

For us our sex life comes in waves. When DS was little newborn to 4.5mos we didn't have any relations.








From 5 mos to 8 or 9 mos, if we did it was on the floor beside the bed, and only if DS was REALLY asleep.
10 to now (19mos), we are like rabbits, just not in the bedroom with DS. In the spare room (DS room, unused). The office, the living room (not too sqeemish about the couch as I actually gave birth on my couch as I never made it to the hospital)








And the stairs...my favorite.
It's almost made our sex life even better than before DS, as you have to be sneaky.


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## spsmom (Jun 19, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaInTheBoonies* 
It's better and much more creative.

yeah, that! i truly feel that it has improved since we had kids! It really makes us become more creative and adventurous!


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## Tattiana (Feb 17, 2006)

Our sex life and marriage have suffered because it is so important for DH, and DD is so demanding. I am exhausted and she seems to wake the moment I go to bed. With three other kids, there is no place else in the house that is safe. It has been hard.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

It definitely seems like those of us with older kiddos struggle in this area, since its much harder to find a creative place to go to when you have an older kid around.

I was thinking about this topic since I am home from work this week and so is dd and dh & I deserately want/need some loving time but I swear this girl ha a radar.









Last night dh tried to sneak off the mattress since he put dd down and I was waiting on the floor, of course she woke up, needed to nurse and well the mood was killed.

Today is another day, I am hopeful.

Shay


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## lafemmedesfemmes (Nov 16, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
It definitely seems like those of us with older kiddos struggle in this area, since its much harder to find a creative place to go to when you have an older kid around.

yeah, i've noticed that trend in this thread. so it may be that when ds is 4 or 5 and the one i'm currently cooking is 2 or 3, i won't be swaggering so much about my sex life.









christina


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## Tattiana (Feb 17, 2006)

It is nice to know that we are not alone (although, I am still trying to find a solution). I love that many of the women on this board can be real and honest. I am on another board where I brought this subject up and the answers were like "sneak to another room" which won't work with 3 older kids and a small house. The other option was grandma's house. Great, I should drive a 2 hour round trip and think about how she is doing the whole time since she doesn't do too well away from me, and do this how often because just once isn't going to do it. Because she won't let me get up early without waking up as well and the fact that she goes to sleep (finally) when it is late, and doesn't like to stay asleep so she wants to nurse to sleep, just getting a shower is hard!!


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## Momma Aimee (Jul 8, 2003)

I am sure things will be differnt in 5 years when ds is 6, the one we are TT is 4 (or 3) and we may have a new adopted child jus thome.

but..........................guess it depend on how easy the mood is to kill.

not unheard of for us to start and stop 3 times whiel DTD before we get "things accomplished" as i get up to go get DS back to sleep.

We've started, stopped for me to tend DS for over an hour -- and still "finshed up"..

yes when i was 23 and just out of college -- i might have looked at it differntly. but now -- the mood isn't killed so easy -- and my expercation of the Deed aren't as high either.









Aimee


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## moonfirefaery (Jul 21, 2006)

I love having a king-sized bed. We have sex with our son in the room/bed, when we have the time and energy. He's fast asleep and too little to understand or remember what is going on anyway. Besides, God forbid he know that mommy and daddy have sex. We just move him to the edge of the bed, or into his crib, onto a blanket on the floor, and do what we want. If he were 3 or 4, old enough to talk or understand, if he were wide awake watching, then obviously we wouldn't do that, as it would be wrong. Our son is only 18 months old right now, so we don't worry a whole lot about it just yet. The bed also isn't the only place that marital relations can occur. Cosleeping hasn't affected our sex life. Both of us working two jobs while raising a child has.


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## SandraS (Jan 18, 2007)

It didn't. The bed's not the only place. We were probably MORE active after each of our children came, come to think of it! LOL!


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## Mountaingirl3 (May 21, 2005)

Our kids go to bed by 8:00. If they start staying awake later, I start waking them up earlier! That way, dh and I have a couple hours to ourselves every night. The guest room with a monitor works great!


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## lanamommyphd07 (Feb 14, 2007)

I had a kiddo come to see me for suspected trauma following a dtd while cs mishap. In the middle of the night they awoke, kid was sound asleep, and they became quite rambunctious (mom explained it as one of her old-fashioned barnyard animal noise Os). anyway, kidoo screamed just after the "explosion" and said "stop hurting my mommy!!". The child in this situation was 2 1/2, still bfing. My recommendation was a bit of sex ed (age-appropriate) and then going to another room in the future, since now kiddo was on edge about it. I should note that kiddo did play out some very sexually-themed content in play therapy, and some not-so-hip therapists or others may find that a reason to report abuse, because it really does count that way in eyes of the law. My advice--be careful not to get so swept away if that can sometimes be the case. (the parents in this situation were so mortified that between the time it happened and bringing the kid in was about 6 months--they'd had absolutely no affection during that time)


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## Decca (Mar 14, 2006)

Quote:

My main questions, is how can you DTD with your child in the bed?!!
Seriously. I hear what you all are saying about them being asleep, too young to know, etc, but it strikes me as wildly inappropriate.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Well I am not comfortable with dtd next to my child in the bed but I don't think it is inappropriate for couples who do.

We just don't do it in the bed. Heck, we rarely did it in bed before we had kids.


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## cheygirl (Jun 13, 2006)

Cosleeping didn't ruin our sex life; side-lying nursing-to-sleep did. I put DD down at about 9 or 10pm and can't help but pass out in the bed along with her. When DH comes upstairs an hour or two later looking for nookie, he finds a very sleepy and uninterested partner.

I think I have to start napping with the baby during the day, just to save our sex life.


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## my2girlz (Oct 7, 2002)

No problems here.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ColoradoMama* 
Honestly, it doesn't affect our sex life at all. If we have sleeping kiddos in our bed - we either move them or find another place.









:


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## NoliMum (Jan 18, 2007)

I haven't had much of a sex drive since my pregnant belly started showing. I don't think it has much to do with cosleeping.

However, I couldn't possibly imagine getting into the mood with the baby sleeping next to us. The whole time I would just be thinking, she's right there, she's right there, she's right there. I just can't mix sex and baby.

If we have to stop in the middle for me to nurse, I can't go back to having sex. I just can't switch back and forth that easily.


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

our sex life is not affected we still dtd regularly.


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## airmide_m (May 8, 2006)

I've been wondering about this too! So far I've been thinking the most realistic thing is a combo of a baby monitor and a soundproofed and lockable "guest room"


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

It did take a toll, just to be totally honest. It was one of the factors involved in ending our cosleeping arrangement, but not the only one. (the utter lack of meaningful sleep for Mama was the bigger issue, obviously)

And yes, it was easier back when we only had one kid. Now I've got a toddler who may not be up for being abandoned in front of a signing video for half-an-hour.









And DH is not a real... experimental guy when it comes to locations for this sort of thing. It's either in a bed, laying down, or it probably ain't happening. And there is no way in hell he'd be okay with having sex with anyone else still on the bed, no matter HOW asleep they may be.

I'm with him on that, though.









Plus, there is something... almost sacred to us about that space. The ratty living room couch just doesn't have that same romantic sanctity. It's got peanut-butter smears and scattered toys and crumbs and coffee stains. After several months of fumbling quickies on the couch, between episodes of CSI, I got pretty tired of that scene. Sex is more than just having physical space to "do it." There's a certain psychic element, too. It's hard to put into words.

I still miss cosleeping with my baby, though. It's a hassle to get her out and feed her three times a night. :yawn: I coslept at least part-time with my son till he was almost a year. It can be wonderful when it works well.


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## aquarianmom (Oct 9, 2004)

DS is almost two and we are now ML once or twice a week on average. My brother lived with us for a year in the guest room and that put more of a buzz kill on our sex life than baby or co sleeping!

For me cuddling, holding, sleeping and nursing are in a totally different part of my brain and that includes my husband(not that I nurse my husband







) Now that I am a Mom I find that my "sexual style" has really changed too, not just the frequency. We have only ML once in the same bed with baby when he was tiny. It was just too distracting for me, now it would wierd me out to have him there.


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## twilight girl (Mar 7, 2002)

Of all the things that have affected our sex life, co-sleeping was not one of them.

I'm with others who have said that co-sleeping probably saved our sex life. We didn't start out co-sleeping, but about a week or two into things, I had to. Otherwise it was just too exhausting, and when mama is tired there is no love to be made!

We didn't have a problem DTD with the baby in the bed fast asleep. We wouldn't do that now that's she going on 5, but what is a sleeping infant aware of, honestly?

And, we had a fireplace in our house where DD was born. We loved to ML in front of the fire, or anywhere the mood struck us. We've never been glued to the bed for love making anyway, so it was no stretch to explore the rest of the house when the mood struck.

So, I would say that sleep deprivation, night nursing and the demands of taking care of an infant were more detrimental to our sex life. Co-sleeping allowed me the rest I needed to try to get interested again.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

It impacts not at all more than having a baby around, and 2 other children. Now that I can have sex again we do. New baby and surgery, and squimish husband in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy (apparently telling him that my cervix was dialated by 3 cm and you could feel the babies head wasn't my best course of action!) has FAR more of an impact.

It isn't the cosleeping - it is just your children waking up at really inconvenient times.

"Okay, quick I hear him waking up! Finish up!" isn't the most sexy talk!









But we still have it pretty good, so I can definately say that cosleeping isn't a problem.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ErikaLeigh* 
My main questions, is how can you DTD with your child in the bed?!!

I can't believe that our room mate DTD with her child in the same room.

I just don't think that I can do that.

Then you shouldn't. I don't find a problem with a little one who is asleep to such a big deal.


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## Drummer's Wife (Jun 5, 2005)

Glad to see this thread. I was just thinking about this yesterday as we are co-sleeping with our almost 2 yr old and will have a newborn in a few weeks.

I don't think co-sleeping has impacted our sex life, like other's said it's having kids that makes it more challenging regardless of where they are sleeping. We are exhausted and busy and yet I would say we still DTD about as often as we ever have (well not counting before marriage and children and grown-up life but then we were teenagers when we got together







)

I am curious as to how DH feels about co-sleeping and sex... I know he loves co-sleeping but of course he loves sex as well







He hasn't complained though and we still manage to find time and space to be intimate. Plus there will be plenty of time when we don't have little ones in our bed, they grow up sooo quickly.


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## kafka (Jan 10, 2007)

Thank you for finally saying it. My husband and I love each other and are sexually attracted to one another. We have co-slept with all three children. And yes, it does make sex VERY difficult. But our mutual feeling is that the sweetness of having our little one by our side at night far outweighs the temporary lull in our sex life.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lolafanana* 
While I do love cosleeping, it actually has really put a damper on our sex life. We rarely have sex since Dd is in our bed and goes to bed just a little bit earlier than we do and we are always way too tired by then. We are actually thinking about if maybe we should transition to the crib. I am very much in the minority here but I'm just being honest.


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## CalebsMama05 (Nov 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Demeter9* 
Then you shouldn't. I don't find a problem with a little one who is asleep to such a big deal.

I don't either but before november the three of us (me and the boys) shared a room. and now Jacob is still in our room. although he has his own bed he's in it the first part of the night.

however we rarely (if ever) have sex at night.


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

I can't decide who to be jealous of--those who have the energy to have sex or those who have kids who would sleep through it. Our ds wakes up at the slightest noise and yes, cosleeping has def. put a damper on our sex life. We wouldn't do it next to him anyway--too creepy IMHO--but he sleeps between us and I miss snuggling w/ DH. We manage to DTD weekly but it's hard since we're both usually exhausted and I"ve had DS on, next to or around me for most of the day and night so I'm usually feeling pretty touched out.

Oh wait, I know who to envy now. Those who actually are getting sleep. We are still b'feeding so we get about 2 hrs of sleep a night before ds wakes up to nurse. At this point, if we had to do it again, I would seriously reconsider cosleeping past 6 months.







: away--I'd like to be one of you sex kitten cosleepers but that hasn't been our experience.


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## mb722toddler (May 4, 2006)

It seems ever since I got pregnant -- my DH will not touch me as now I am a "mother". Then he got a rare form of cancer when my DH was 3 mo. old -- so he is always in pain with stress and looks very different -- they took his eye and half his face & half his lips are numb & sunken in. This has affected our intimacy greatly. Also, DD is in our bed -- I would like more intimacy back with my DH.

What did all of you do to recharge the intimacy?


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