# My trust has been violated by my mom and sister!!!!!!



## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## festivus1 (Jul 22, 2002)

I feel so bad for you, XM... I have read a few of your posts today and you seem so sad. I wish I could say or do something to help you.









My only thoughts on this issue are that if you have a few people here that you feel especially connected to, you could always PM them with something that is a really sensitive issue to you. I know it's not the same and it doesn't take away the fact that you have sort of lost the "safety" you felt on the boards. But, it is one way to still have "some" of that support. Even if you just posted a general thing that you needed feedback on, you could go into more detail in a PM with people who respond.

Sorry this has happened to you.


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

oh that is so stink! i know this is a public web site & someone, i think, once compared it to having a conversation in a restruant ie you never know who is at the next table so you need to not say anything you wouldn't to a stranger.

Problem is losing a child is such a deeply personal issue that, well you probably say more to other women who have lived thru the same thing than you would a random stranger & definitely way more than you would a family member. I remember the relief of meeting another woman who'd had the same experience. Just someone who knew where you were coming from & didn't come out with the usual "it was meant to be..."/"god's will" type of BS. Just meeting someone who understood helped me deal with the grief so much better so I can see how devestating this discovery is to you.

i have read some of your posts here & cried quite a few tears over yours & your daughter's story. i am blown away by the unfairness of this life sometimes & your amazing personal strength in the face of what you lived thru. i don't think it's that you refuse to give up - as I think you said one time. Trust me, you are one amazing woman & if your reles can't see that then it is their loss not yours. you never know - maybe they will learn something from what they have read...


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## 1jooj (Apr 8, 2002)

Few things hurt more than having your trust violated by family...what a sad, sad lesson to have to learn. I would hope they could use the info to appreciate your sadness and pain, and help you in any way they might...

I hope you can still use the support you find on the boards--we all need it. You know no one understands your loss like those with whom you've talked about it here.


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## indiegirl (Apr 15, 2002)

Oh ((((((((hugs)))))))) I am so sorry.

Have you told them how you feel? I mean, have you said outright, "Don't go to MDC and read my posts!" The trust is gone, I know.

Here's a thought: (and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt) What if they are trying to connect with you in some way but don't know how? What if they are hurting too and need to connect with you in a way that is non-threatening yet gives them so much information? Your sister's alias is pretty obvious--she wasn't hiding anything. She wanted you to know. So what does that mean?

Not trying to invalidate your feelings, but perhaps shed some light on their intentions--albeit a very hurtful way of going about it.

Much love,


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Wow, how truly sad that some people are so pathological that they would do that. One reason why no one in my family knows my online nickname. They are sickos too. BTW, I know I don't know your family, but I trust your opinion of the situation.

((HUGS)) to you. I wish I had some wisdom.


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## DiaperDiva (Jun 30, 2002)

How awful!
That is really sad that your own mom, the one who gave birth to you, would do such a thing as to betrray your trust. Especially after you basically emptied your heart out to her. It is also sad that your sister has time to come and search for your username and actually register here.

I would like to think they were doing it to better understand you and perhaps begin to give you more support.

I am so sorry you have to endure this. ((((HUGS TO YOU))))

Perhaps you could talk to Cynthia about this.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Hi I'm forwarding this on to Cynthia now for review. XM, I'll keep you updated through PM's.

If you have any further questions please fee free to pm myself or Cyntha. You have our support, understanding and love.


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## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

I am so sorry Xiola's mom, I have pm'ed you and added my email address, if you would like to use it. I am so so bewildered at your families behavior and I feel for you especially given your recent loss. Families mystify me sometimes. I am here if you need.

hugs to you friend,

Beth


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

{{{{{hugs to your Xiola's mom}}}}

How brave you are to call and talk with your sister and mom. I applaud you. You took steps that I could never take. You are a brave, strong woman and one that has a heart as big as all outdoors.

my thoughts are with you,

Beth


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Your love for Xiola is so apparent in your post. You and I share so much similar. I hope you know how much I'd like to hug you and cry with you for sweet Xiola.

Family situations can be so difficult when we're most vulnerable. Your situation is so heartbreaking and you so desperately need to reach out. It's hard when thoes who you can trust for support is so few - I was there and I completely understand.

Sending loving and warm vibes your way.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Maybe your sister is looking for another way to connect with you. My sister posts hee (not currently as she is mid military nightmare move) and I post at a board she frequents.

My sister is kind of overbearing and really "I am right you are way wrong" (dont deny it Jen) and I get annoyed about it sometimes but she is my sister. We have gotten in tifts on boards and generally people just kind of observe in facination at our amazing ablity to cut each other down.

I was always the crazy single sister of the bunch...when I had my dd it brought us closer than we had been. I bf cause of her and she pretty much introduced me to the boards (before she intervened I was at babycenter *gasp!!**) The boards kind of brought my sister and I closer as we talked about ap issues and argued about some of the other issues that come up on these boards.

We may have gotten in fights...she broke my nose I gave her a fat lip ect ect ect but she is my sister.

People cannot help you unless you let them in.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

Xiola's Mom

It sounds like you have had a lot to carry. I hope for you and Mike that you can heal. I get a sense you are on that journey now. aside from being a mom and wife I am a Licensed Massage Therapist and Reiki healer and through my decade of working with many clients from a variety of backgrounds I have seen people heal from difficult and traumatizing life altering ordeals. There are many paths to healing, find the one that works for you. I hope that I have not overstepped boundaries, I just wanted to offer some ideas I had in reading your last post.

wishing you healing and blessings,

Beth


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Denial can really cause a lot of problems in the healing process. Having been in an abusive home as well I can understand what you are saying, I guess we have already been through the healing process as a family and conquered our past.

I think some sort of spiritual counseling might really help you. You really sound like you are hurting spiritually in addition to the loss of your dd. I am not certain what religion you are but I thik lamplighter might be right. You are really carrying a lot of pain right now and to truly heal you have to move beyond it.

I guess you just have to ask yourself what your family means to you. Do you want to heal the pain between you or do you just want to move beyond them. Sometimes you just have to let go of your pain. You can't hold on to it forever. I will never forget having that fear. I will never forget crying and wishing things could be better.

Now that I am grown I have a wonderful relationship with my family. Forgiveness is a part of any religion, not just Christianity.


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## DiaperDiva (Jun 30, 2002)

XM~
Don't feel obligated to communicate with people who are toxic and only bring you pain and misery. My husband and I both come from dysfunctional families who refuse to respect us. I do not talk to my parents and refuse to because of how they constantly belittle me. MIL is the same way. For over two years we have tried to deal with her angry, hateful behavior, until a couple of months ago, and now I say NO MORE. I say go on with your life and be happy and fear free. Make yourself happy and enjoy your husband and future children.

You can learn to forgive from a distance.

I do NOT agree with being a scapegoat for your family, or getting communicating with toxic family simply because you are related to them.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

When my dd died my mother went completely crazy. She stalked us and told family members that we had killed the baby. I don't usually share this becuse it's so painful and horrible. But, I thought it would fit here.

I didn't speek to my mother, sister, or brother for over 2 years because of the drama created by my alcoholic mother. When ds was born I was terrified that she whould try to steal him or hurt us. I had NO communication AT ALL with her.

When ds was 8 months she wrote me a letter and we began slow written communication. Finally, when ds was 14 months I felt I could allow her short, controlled, supervised visits. When the heat is on, I back us off. If I EVER feel that the relationship will become distructive again - I will sever the ties!

As for my brother and sister, they finally saw my mother's illness for what it is. They feel absolutely horrible about all that transpired. We've been able to work through and we're very strong and loving toward each other.

This is how it happened for me. Had my mother not gotten counseling and treatement I would still have NO contact with her. I don't care how we're related, my kids and my emotional well being is most important.

XM, please pm or email me any time [email protected] follow your heart and let your head guide you in the decisions you make. Only you truly understand your family dynamics and you know what your emotional limit is. Your still early in your greif, you need to take steps to care for and protect yourself - your deep in my thoughts.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

XM - I wish you lived near me! I read your passionate, honest words and feel so close to you and the person your becoming. Sending you many hugs and love.

Your in a lot of transition now and your finding a new way for yourself. You'll find it if. It'll probubly be the one step ahead 2 steps back, but I find that's sometimes the best way to learn.

I've grown spiritually since Amanda died. Like you, the earth is my guide, not religion. I know you said finances are very tight, but if you can swing a few Yoga classes you'll be amazed at how it transforms you spiritually. Some places will let you work as a receptionist one evening a week to get free classes. If not, maybe a good Yoga video or book?

Taking time to relax and honor your body can do wonders for your spirit. Also, keep eating a healthy diet rich in raw foods and plenty of water.

As for your friend - your making a VERY wise decision! I've been there too and the 'friend' is now in jail. It hurts me deeply because he had so much to give to the world had the drugs not brought him down.







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Gentle thoughts and warm hugs to all.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

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