# 15 yo ds and smut?



## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

OK, perhaps a bit of perspective here, if anyone's got any. My 15yo ds has visited adult oriented web sites and now ds2 (11yo) just found smutty catalogues in ds1's secret candy stash!! (Does anyone remember that song a few years back "I Like Sex and Candy"?) I'll deal with ds2's sneaking issue later! Ds1 is away at camp now (oh crap! I wonder what he's doing there?!?!?!!?), so I've got time to think about it. Dh has told ds1 not to go to such sites and when we move in a couple of weeks we will have new parental controls in place for the computer. I am sure this all part of the growing up thing, I am just not very comfortable with the whole idea. Dh said he would steal his older bros Playboy mags at this age, so he's not worried. I was just wondering if any other moms out there has had similiar experiences and how they handled it. Thanks!!


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## TheTruth (Apr 8, 2007)

Its "I smell Sex and Candy" by Nirvana.


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## slacks (Jun 24, 2007)

On the bright side he isn't looking up grown men in diapers. It's natural for a boy his age to be curious in this area. My suggestion is to try talking with him and maybe getting him a subscription to one of the better magazines out there for his 16th birthday. There are a lot worse things he could stumble on by looking around on the internet or getting from a friend.


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## BamaDude (Aug 17, 2006)

While I'm not a Mom, I am a guy and a former 15-year-old boy, so perhaps my point of view will be of some value.

First off, from DS1's perspective the coolest thing you could do as a Mom is to hold DS2 while DS1 gets to hit him hard twice; once for going into DS1's "secret stash" and a second time for blabbing about what he found there to you. Of course this is not a reasonable or rational expectation, but it is very close to how DS1 will feel when you confront him with what DS2 found.

Secondly, all guys at some point will have an interest in smut. Some will be up front about it and others will deny it to the heavens while still holding a rolled-up smut magazine in their hand behind their back, but the interest will be there either way. It is the nature of the teenage male beast.

You could go the whole "cry, scream, wail, rend-your-garments, and shout 'Oh, where did we go wrong?'" route, but all that would do is make DS1 feel guilty for having the same natural curiosity that all teenage boys have (or, depending on DS1's personality, it might simply make him think you've flipped your lid), or you could just get him a locking file box and tell him to put anything he doesn't want his nosey little brother to find in the file box and let it go at that.

My (former 15-year-old male) two cents. I hope it helps.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

I think BamaDude has a good idea there. I would be more upset at the child who was being nosy and going through his brother's things than a 15 year old looking at porn.


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## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

Heck, when I was a 15 year old girl, I snuck into my dad's playboy collection (no internet at home yet). When I was 18, I found my 14 year old brother's internet porn stash. He was rather embarrassed, but I didn't tell. It was pretty normal naked girls stuff, so there wasn't much to tell. I mean "my brother likes to look at naked girls" would hardly have been an earthshattering piece of news to my folks...

At 15 he's got raging hormones and sexual urges, but may not be ready to have actual sex yet, so he's stuck with "fantasy sex". That's pretty much what porn is, fantasy sex...

I'm not a parent yet, but I don't personally think I'd use parental controls to attempt to keep a 15 year old from finding porn on the internet. It's pretty normal and harmless. I might have a talk about the differences between the bodies (both female and male) shown in porn and average human bodies. It would be good for him to know that a porn star's penis is not of normal size, for example. It would also be good for him to know that most women won't look like porn star women (who may have implants and are almost certainly airbrushed).


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheGirls* 
I'm not a parent yet, but I don't personally think I'd use parental controls to attempt to keep a 15 year old from finding porn on the internet. It's pretty normal and harmless.

I don't think so.

There's a whole lot more to Internet porn than just "naked girls." You can download live clips of XXX rated videos.

I have a 15yo boy. I think it's perfectly normal for a 15yo boy to want to see naked girls, and if it were just a matter of finding a Playboy magazine or something tame like that, I would just let it go.

I'm not comfortable with my son, who is completely inexperienced sexually, watching hard-core, live action among very experienced/adventuresome adults who are being paid to thrill viewers. I really don't want him to think that sex is like that for the average person.

So, I have parental controls on my kids' computer. Nobody ever died from *not* watching "Asian teenagers getting anally fisted."


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

It seems my thoughts are about the same as the rest of you thus far. I am not freaked out by his curiousity, we've all been there. But there are so many way-too-inappropriate-for-a-teenage-boy things to see on the web. He's such a good kid, straight A student, advanced classes, involved, helpful, blah, blah, blah. And VERY intelligent. Thus the worry. He has the entire web in the palm of his hands (I could say something inappropriate here - hehehe) and he has his own computer, and he knows how to cover his tracks. Thus my desire to set up the parental controls.

Oh yeah, and while ds1 was packing up for camp (he's gone for 3 weeks







)I warned him that if he had anything he didn't want his mom to see in his room, he should properly deal with it before leaving b/c the movers and I would be in his room packing everything up (we move while he is gone). Then the very next day ds2 finds it. THAT'S what ticks me off! I gave him the opportunity to deal with it!!

Thanks for your responses!


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## BamaDude (Aug 17, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasgroovin* 
Oh yeah, and while ds1 was packing up for camp (he's gone for 3 weeks







)I warned him that if he had anything he didn't want his mom to see in his room, he should properly deal with it before leaving b/c the movers and I would be in his room packing everything up (we move while he is gone). Then the very next day ds2 finds it. THAT'S what ticks me off! I gave him the opportunity to deal with it!!

Ahhhhh! That's different then, and brings up another issue: TSH (Teenage Selective Hearing) Syndrome.
Teenagers have the attention span of fruit flies; there is only room for one thought in their head at a time. If your son was getting ready for camp, then chances are all he heard from you was
_"Blah-blah-blah <CAMP!>
blah-blah-blah-moving <CAMP!!>
blah-blah-blah-movers <CAMP!!!>
blah-blah-blah-stuff <CAMP!!!!>
blah-blah-blah-deal with it <CAMP!!!!!>
blah-blah-blah..."_

Unfortunately, there is no cure for TSH Syndrome, but it can be worked around by making sure the victim of the syndrome maintains direct eye contact with you while you're imparting important information or directions and by repeating the information or directions to the TSH victim around 20 times...minimum.

There is also a related malady that parents sometimes suffer, the PGMSTDWT (Please Give Me Strength To Deal With Teenagers) Syndrome.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasgroovin* 
Thanks for your responses!

You're most welcome, Ma'am.


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

BamaDude, I totally groove on your philosophies!! Dh and I also loved your holding ds2 comment!!

Peace,
Paige


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasgroovin* 
he has his own computer, and he knows how to cover his tracks. Thus my desire to set up the parental controls.

Parental controls won't work if he's computer savvy. It's not hard at all to get around the different monitoring programs. My parents attempted, one time, to set up one of those "Net Nanny" type programs. My then-12 year old brother completely disabled the program, undetectably, in about 5 minutes. My parents would never have known if a little birdy hadn't mentioned to them that they might want to simply TALK to my brothers about appropriate/inappropriate internet activity. (Not saying you don't talk to your DS, saying my parents didn't.)

A better way, IMO, to police his internet activity is to not allow internet in his bedroom. If he needs to research something for school, he can do it on the family computer in the public area of the house.


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

Yes, I can see him figuring that out. At least he'll have to work for it if I set it up! He likes to stay up later than us most days now, dh and I are beat and ready for bed. I guess we're finally getting old! It's hard to police him ALL the time!


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## sbm1001 (Jun 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I think BamaDude has a good idea there. I would be more upset at the child who was being nosy and going through his brother's things than a 15 year old looking at porn.
















I'm shocked.

Porn can become an ugly demon to deal with in life. IMO it's an issue that needs to be dealt with a.s.a.p., not blown off because "that's what all guys do" or some crap like that.

Shannon
a mom dealing with this mess, too


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## my3peanuts (Nov 25, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 














I'm shocked.

Porn can become an ugly demon to deal with in life. IMO it's an issue that needs to be dealt with a.s.a.p., not blown off because "that's what all guys do" or some crap like that.


I totally agree!


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## midwifetx (Mar 16, 2005)

In our home, all computers are hooked up in full view in the common areas. Everyone has a computer







so there's a lot of common space taken up with them, but this way everyone has a kind of built in accountability. We also have no TV's in personal spaces.


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## zzwhitejd (Jul 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *my3peanuts* 

Quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sbm1001
I'm shocked.

Porn can become an ugly demon to deal with in life. IMO it's an issue that needs to be dealt with a.s.a.p., not blown off because "that's what all guys do" or some crap like that.
I totally agree!
I totally agree!

I agree.
Being curious about the body is fine and normal. Porn is NOT. Just like alcohol at a drink or two is fine and being a drunk/alcoholic is NOT. Hugs and good luck mama.... you certainly need to find a way to deal with it.


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## myjulybabes (Jun 24, 2003)

My concern with internet porn would be the various spyware and occasionally even viruses you can pick up surfing it if you're not careful. My mom had all sorts of problems with her computer that my husband ended up spending hours fixing because my brothers were downloading porn. (and they were in their early 20s at this point and should hve known better!) In addition to the parental controls, I'd get some good anti-virus software and a program that scans for spyware. Most teens are pretty savvy about that stuff today, but if they're in a hurry to get those pics before they get caught, they might not be as careful as they should be, KWIM?

If I found my (theoretical, since we're not there yet) teen with a Playboy, or lingerie catalog, or whatever, I wouldn't mind. Well, as long as it wasn't MY catalog that I had been waiting for. My brother used to snag my Victoria's Secret catalog before I even got to look at it, drove me batty!


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## Leta (Dec 6, 2006)

I know of a couple mom's who have rolled it thisaway, especially since the spectre of internet porn has reared it's ugly head...

"I will order you some tame, soft core cheesecake mags of your choice [Playboy, Victoria's Secret/Bravissimo, Maxim, FHM, etc.] and, if need be, pay the subscriptions. But you will not look at hardcore pornography in my house, either in print, video, or on the computer. Here's why..."

Then talk about wanting your child to have a healthy, functional sex life, the roles of women, etc., etc.

Personally, IME, this has gone over well. It's opened a dialouge, kept things sex-positive, and and given the kid an incentive to comply with the parent's wishes.

I agree, wanting to look at naked (even done up naked) girls is normal. Porn is another thing entirely.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 














I'm shocked.

Porn can become an ugly demon to deal with in life. IMO it's an issue that needs to be dealt with a.s.a.p., not blown off because "that's what all guys do" or some crap like that.

Shannon
a mom dealing with this mess, too

Porn CAN become an ugly demon, but so can alcohol, so can shopping, so can food . . . there are lots of things that are perfectly healthy in moderation but that can lead to trouble for someone with an addictive personality.

And I'm not sexist; I expect both my male and female future-teenagers to have an interest in looking at porn someday. I do think wanting to see it is normal and par for the course for young teenagers, and having looked at a lot of porn myself (for work, actually), the idea of my kids looking at it really doesn't bother me.


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## sbm1001 (Jun 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
Porn CAN become an ugly demon, but so can alcohol, so can shopping, so can food . . . there are lots of things that are perfectly healthy in moderation but that can lead to trouble for someone with an addictive personality.

And I'm not sexist; I expect both my male and female future-teenagers to have an interest in looking at porn someday. I do think wanting to see it is normal and par for the course for young teenagers, and having looked at a lot of porn myself (for work, actually), the idea of my kids looking at it really doesn't bother me.

Porn, in any amount, is bad. It's not perfectly healthy in ANY amount. It all starts somewhere! Even if it's just a tiny bit today....it doesn't mean it won't be the beginning of a big problem in the coming years. Why condone something that has the potential to ruin a childs life??

I don't get it & I'm still really shocked at how the majority of posters in this thread are okay with a 15 y.o. looking at porn!









Shannon


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

The OP has asked how other parents of teens have handled it. It hasn't come up at our house, with our 17 year old but we are quite open and if she wanted to look at naked people it wouldn't be an issue. In fact I'd be surprised if she hadn't looked at all by now. I probably just don't know about it, and I don't think I really need to know to be honest. She is a good kid and I trust her judgment as she hasn't given me any reason at this point not to. All our computers are in the living room too but because we online game as a family and communication is easier in group situations when we talk to each other in the same room, not because I'm paranoid that someone might be looking at naked people. I only bring that up as a family member recently said something about our computors being all in the LR so as to reduce " people looking at things they shouldn't". And no that isn't why. We have had the spyware ect talk though, since we are also at risk due to gaming and add on downloads for our games.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
Porn CAN become an ugly demon, but so can alcohol, so can shopping, so can food . . . there are lots of things that are perfectly healthy in moderation but that can lead to trouble for someone with an addictive personality.

And I'm not sexist; I expect both my male and female future-teenagers to have an interest in looking at porn someday. I do think wanting to see it is normal and par for the course for young teenagers, and having looked at a lot of porn myself (for work, actually), the idea of my kids looking at it really doesn't bother me.

ITA.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 
Porn, in any amount, is bad. It's not perfectly healthy in ANY amount.

I completely disagree.

Quote:

It all starts somewhere! Even if it's just a tiny bit today....it doesn't mean it won't be the beginning of a big problem in the coming years. Why condone something that has the potential to ruin a childs life??

I think you missed the point of my analogy, which was that lots of things have the potential to be harmful if they become an addiction, but that they are not inherently bad or dangerous.


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## sbm1001 (Jun 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
I completely disagree.

I think you missed the point of my analogy, which was that lots of things have the potential to be harmful if they become an addiction, but that they are not inherently bad or dangerous.

Nope, I didn't miss the point at all. I understand that all the things you mentioned, along with many others you didn't, can lead to an addiction. What I'm saying is porn IS inherently bad AND dangerous!

Shannon


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 
Nope, I didn't miss the point at all. I understand that all the things you mentioned, along with many others you didn't, can lead to an addiction. What I'm saying is porn IS inherently bad AND dangerous!

Shannon

Okay, then we just disagree.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

I'd also be upset about my 15 year old viewing porn ( and hard put to be mad at the sneaky sibling that found it). I think it's things like this that inspire our "internet can only be used in common areas" rule.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

My biggest problem with porn is that it does NOT accurately portray healthy sexuality.

Healthy sexuality IMO involves adults who feel good about themselves and the person they're having sex with. It involves respecting each other's boundaries, loving the person for more than just his or her body, and respecting both yourself and your partner. It does not have to involve people with perfect looking bodies, men who can "perform" as long and as consistently as porn stars, or the variety of sex acts and positions often portrayed.

Teenagers can be damaged by this IMO warped view of sexuality they get from porn. It can set them up for unrealistic expectations of sexual partners and of themselves, and can interfere with developing healthy sexual attitudes.

I think it's appropriate for teenagers to learn about various sex acts, slang terms for them, and health risks associated with them (STDs, pregnancy risk, etc)- but from a medical perspective, not erotica. There's a HUGE difference between learning what anal intercourse is, and actually watching a couple (or more) engaging in it.

Healthy sexuality, from a religious perspective, teaches that sex is a gift from G-d, so why squander it with internet porn? It's just too special and holy and wonderful to toss around like that- save it (hopefully for marriage) so you can fully enjoy sex the way G-d intended; with physical and spiritual elements combined.


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## Adastra (May 30, 2007)

Quote:

I'm still really shocked at how the majority of posters in this thread are okay with a 15 y.o. looking at porn!
Me, too.

I don't look at much porn myself, but what's I've stumbled across on the internet seriously sickens me. Naked bodies are not a big deal at all. But the level of kink that's everywhere on the web is NOT something I want my kids exposed to in the years when their ideas about sex and relationships are newly forming.

We keep our computers in public areas of the house, too.


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## muttix2 (Apr 24, 2005)

Well, I don't have a teenager yet but I just want to weigh in. My husband is seriously addicted to porn and doesn't see it as a problem at all. It is a problem to me and not because I'm opposed to porn but besides a few other reasons, it DOES give him unrealistic views of sex. He cannot comprehend how something would hurt me or not be appealing to me b/c of porn. When I try and watch some of them with him I'm like "you don't see how that woman is on the verge of tears? You can't tell that those moans are dubbed? You can't tell the difference between a moan and a cry of pain?" The majority of low budget porn that I've seen treats women as holes to fill and disregards their feelings, physical or emotional.

When my sons hit puberty I will not have a problem with soft core things. But unlimited access to internet porn? No way. It has damaged my relationship beyond repair and I honestly believe if someone had put limits on my husband's porn usage when he was a teenager, or even took a minute to tell him that women shouldn't be treated that way, etc. then perhaps he wouldn't have such an unhealthy relationship with it now. I don't want my sons to have the same type of damaged relationship with porn. Everything is ok in moderation, it is best to learn that early.


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## boysrus (Dec 2, 2001)

Here is my question as a soon-enough-to-be mom of teen boys.
I have read mention of ordering Playboy and VS for boys. I am totally cool with that. My 10 yo ds is constantly taking my Marie Claire and Glamour, and his dad's Esquire. Not much of a leap to Playboy from there!
But, what about the unrealistic expectations those mags set up? I totally hear the argument on unrealistic sex being portrayed on internet porn, but the Playboy bunnies are pretty unrealistic too. Do you just talk to your boys about it? Leaf through the mag together, looking for airbrushing?


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## candiland (Jan 27, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2tadpoles* 
So, I have parental controls on my kids' computer. Nobody ever died from *not* watching "Asian teenagers getting anally fisted."









OMG, I just sprayed juice all over my computer screen! Too bad it's too racy for a DDDDC.


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

I remember being 15. I snuck looks at porn when I had the chance...read the "erotic poems" and the sex tips in Cosmo at the library when no one was around. It was all about curiosity at that age. I wanted to understand more than "The mans penis goes in the womans vagina, and he ejaculates. The sperm travel towards the egg..."

Anyways...

I ended up with a healthy "normal" sex life, a feminist, knowing that real women don't have perfect half spheres under their shirts. I am not addicted to porn as an adult, although I will admit to checking it out when the mood strikes.


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## rayo de sol (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 
I don't get it & I'm still really shocked at how the majority of posters in this thread are okay with a 15 y.o. looking at porn!









Count me as one of the people who says, "No porn for 15-year-olds!"







Seriously, it is totally inappropriate and damaging for a 15-year-old to be consuming pornography. Teenage curiosity and interest in sex is normal, but that doesn't mean it needs to be indulged with access to pornography. Pornography is sexist and disrespectful to women, period. Why would we want to brainwash our teenage boys with the misogynist propaganda that is porn? Let them develop their own imaginative sexuality that is not dictated by the humiliation-based scenes enacted in porn.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

OP: Can you clarify what you meant by porn? Because there is "naked lady with her butt in the air" porn, and then there is the aforementioned Asian teenagers.


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PikkuMyy* 
OP: Can you clarify what you meant by porn? Because there is "naked lady with her butt in the air" porn, and then there is the aforementioned Asian teenagers.

Ooh, good point!


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadWorldSonnet* 
I remember being 15. I snuck looks at porn when I had the chance...read the "erotic poems" and the sex tips in Cosmo at the library when no one was around. It was all about curiosity at that age. I wanted to understand more than "The mans penis goes in the womans vagina, and he ejaculates. The sperm travel towards the egg..."

Anyways...

I ended up with a healthy "normal" sex life, a feminist, knowing that real women don't have perfect half spheres under their shirts. I am not addicted to porn as an adult, although I will admit to checking it out when the mood strikes.










I was pretty much the same way, although I got to see a bit more as I had the advantage of internet at home.

Those saying that the computer in the common area will resolve all issues....well, allow me to share.









I didn't have a computer in my room, so when everyone was asleep in the house, around 3 am or so, I would go downstairs on the computer and look at porn.

I was 15! I masturbated and I wanted to see naked women and look at sex. I think it's normal, but I understand some people are more conservative and prudish.


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## JustJamie (Apr 24, 2006)

I disagree that porn is inherently dangerous. I had a natural curiosity about the human body when I was 15 too. Looking at porn is a hell of a lot safer than experimenting with the latest boyfriend. Porn can't get you pregnant; it can't give you an STD; it can't pull the line "if you really loved me..."

Sure, some of it (maybe a lot, I don't know) can be sexist/degrading/objectifying to men and women (don't think men aren't victimized too!) But there is "safe" porn - Playboy, Hustler - I'm pretty sure the models in those are volunteers. And paid really well for what they do.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you hate porn, then that's your prerogative, and you can disallow it in your house and shield your kids from it to the absolute best of your ability - but don't make blanket statements about other people's kids and morals. Morals are subjective.

As far as whether porn provides a realistic view of sex - of course it doesn't. That's the point. If a person wants a realistic view of sex, they'll have sex. If they want to indulge in a fantasy, they'll look at porn. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at Playboy and see Pamela Anderson, and then look at your high school and see the girls there, and know which is real and which is a combination of Photoshop and plastic surgery.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Well, the good thing is that you have time to think about this. However, given that he was stupid enough to leave the mags lying around and you're moving house while he's away at camp, saying nothing is not an option. If you have reservations about him viewing porn, you do have an opportunity to raise this in terms of "I feel really embarrassed about this but while you were away ds2 found this. I feel kind of weird about this- can I give you my point of view?"
For me (kids aren't teenagers yet) we have basic ground rules.
1) Thou shalt not tell anyone on the internet that you are older than you are, whether that person is an asian teenager you met in a chat room or the operator of a porn site. Similarly, thou shalt never use mummy's credit card as proof of age to get you into said porn site or buy stuff on amazon or anywhere else.
2) Thou shalt not wipe the history of the computer. If the history is wiped, then the computer gets grounded for a week.
3) Don't give out personal info on the net, just in case.


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## Doodlebugsmom (Aug 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PikkuMyy* 
OP: Can you clarify what you meant by porn? Because there is "naked lady with her butt in the air" porn, and then there is the aforementioned Asian teenagers.

I would also like to know. I definitely don't equate Playboy of Victoria's Secret with live-action sex on the internet. Heck, I think I was sneaking peaks at my dad's Playboys when I was 10.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

It really isn't that hard to find porn with real people with real bodies of all sizes ect and even porn with actual IRL partners. Not all of it is silicone and big hair.


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## keriberry (May 27, 2007)

There is a huge difference in the nasty "porn" and ~*~erotic~*~ films. I find "porn" gross and impossible to watch. Erotic movies enhance my sex life. There are videos for couples depicting real couples making love. We don't seem the type and our little "secret" makes it all the more tittilating.








I expect to find Playboy (esp. since my dh subscribes) and Vickies mags in their rooms. In the posters case, I would pack them with the rest of his magazines and provide him with a better place to keep them. Hopefully, he'll take the hint and keep them safe from prying eyes.
I've never met a man who hadn't looked at porn. Tho, I have met one man who claims that he's never masturbated. I can't decide if he's a liar or just a really unfortunate dude.


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## boysrus (Dec 2, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
It really isn't that hard to find porn with real people with real bodies of all sizes ect and even porn with actual IRL partners. Not all of it is silicone and big hair.

Please pm me info


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## KMK_Mama (Jan 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boysrus* 
Please pm me info









me too







:


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## Jeanne D'Arc (Apr 7, 2007)

I am pretty tired of people saying that porn is harmless and
can only sometimes be harmful.

I give my testimony, being in the adult entertainment industry
that anyone viewing, buying, or ahem ( getting off ) on this stuff
is enabling the sexual exploitation and damage of already
sexually abused women ( many not all are abused ). Me being
on of them.

I kind of gag now to think about it, but in that state of mind i was
not sane. I was molested over and over as a child-sex was all i knew
yet didnt know. Many of these girls never mature do to this abuse
and go the course chosing jobs as strippers, porn actors, pin ups,
and hookers.

Some of you may have heard of some women who come out
of the adult industry ok, i never knew one.

I had many friends, some in horrible drug addiction...some still
stuck in their childhood rape experiences. Many were mothers with
children believe it or not. It is not uncommon for some ( esp women)
to kill themselves.

Many were suicidal, and could not maintain normal relationships afterwards.

I will tell you though of the most peculiar yet very COMMON side effect
of working in the adult industry.

After i got out i saw a psychologyst and was basically dubbed Asexual
for a time. When i thought about sex i would throw up. Thousands
of images would flood my head and i would be sick. I lost ALL sexual
arousal and could not orgasm. I was sexually traumatized from
my career.

MANY women are PERMANENTLY traumatized from working as Porn actors.
That was years ago and i still sometimes cry and sob, and feel sick
when i have sex with my husband. The vommiting phase is over..
but the scars are there.

The industry takes advantage of sexually deranged people who then
further act it out , more damage is done. I dont know if i will
ever be healed from it.

Please , people...

unless YOU have worked as a callgirl, a Stripper, or a Porn actor
dont say its harmless. It is. It hurts us. Please stop enabling
this sick industry, and getting off on the suffering of others.


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## notsosuremom (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Briseis_of.Troy* 
I am pretty tired of people saying that porn is harmless and
can only sometimes be harmful.

I give my testimony, being in the adult entertainment industry
that anyone viewing, buying, or ahem ( getting off ) on this stuff
is enabling the sexual exploitation and damage of already
sexually abused women ( many not all are abused ). Me being
on of them.

I kind of gag now to think about it, but in that state of mind i was
not sane. I was molested over and over as a child-sex was all i knew
yet didnt know. Many of these girls never mature do to this abuse
and go the course chosing jobs as strippers, porn actors, pin ups,
and hookers.

Some of you may have heard of some women who come out
of the adult industry ok, i never knew one.

I had many friends, some in horrible drug addiction...some still
stuck in their childhood rape experiences. Many were mothers with
children believe it or not. It is not uncommon for some ( esp women)
to kill themselves.

Many were suicidal, and could not maintain normal relationships afterwards.

I will tell you though of the most peculiar yet very COMMON side effect
of working in the adult industry.

After i got out i saw a psychologyst and was basically dubbed Asexual
for a time. When i thought about sex i would throw up. Thousands
of images would flood my head and i would be sick. I lost ALL sexual
arousal and could not orgasm. I was sexually traumatized from
my career.

MANY women are PERMANENTLY traumatized from working as Porn actors.
That was years ago and i still sometimes cry and sob, and feel sick
when i have sex with my husband. The vommiting phase is over..
but the scars are there.

The industry takes advantage of sexually deranged people who then
further act it out , more damage is done. I dont know if i will
ever be healed from it.

Please , people...

unless YOU have worked as a callgirl, a Stripper, or a Porn actor
dont say its harmless. It is. It hurts us. Please stop enabling
this sick industry, and getting off on the suffering of others.


Thank you for speaking out.


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## guest~*~ (Jul 11, 2007)

I don't want in on the right/wrong debate for porn.

I can recommend a great internet filter, called SafeEyes. We have it installed on our computers and it is one of the best ones available and not just for pornography.

While it does cost money, the emotional cost of a pornography or other addiction is far greater.

Brittany


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Briseis, I am sorry you had such a horrible experience and that it has stayed with you in negative ways. I do believe that this happens and that it is a real problem.

However, I have acted in porn, posed for pics, etc. and it is something I am proud of doing and that I feel very good about. The entire experience was empowering for me, and I would love to do it again. I know other women who feel the same way about their adult entertainment careers, and others who feel it's a job like anything else, nothing great but nothing worse than any other job.

I'm not saying this to negate your experience at all, but I do know that there are women out there on the other side of the spectrum and I think that needs to be acknowledged.


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## meowee (Jul 8, 2004)

Some people will get defensive about it and deny it but many many of the women involved in the sex industry were sexually abused as children. There haven't been any large statistical studies that I know of, but it is my anecdotal impression that at least 2/3 of women in the sex industry were sexually abused or raped before going into the industry. I have known 5 women who were in the sex industry in one way or another and all had been sexually abused/ raped as children or young teens.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

We have already had this discussion on the evils and acceptability of porn countless times, everything said here has already been said and addressed in other threads, and that wasn't what this thread was about. So I'm not going to address it here. But feel free to do a search if you care what the other side thinks.


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## notsosuremom (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Arduinna* 
We have already had this discussion on the evils and acceptability of porn countless times, everything said here has already been said and addressed in other threads, and that wasn't what this thread was about. So I'm not going to address it here. But feel free to do a search if you care what the other side thinks.


Sorry to burst your bubble but I just searched this thread and the word PORN has been in almost every post . So it appears that this thread is about PORN

notsosuremom


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *notsosuremom* 
Sorry to burst your bubble but I just searched this thread and the word PORN has been in almost every post . So it appears that this thread is about PORN

notsosuremom

The thread is not about the evils and acceptability of porn. I am posting the original post just to refresh your memory. This thread is about a mother who is "wondering if any other moms out there has had similiar experiences and how they handled it." The OP is looking for similar experiences and how they were dealt with, not looking to hear/argue about the evils of porn.

Sorry to burst your bubble. You are free to start another thread discussing the evils if you feel the interest is there.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasgroovin* 
OK, perhaps a bit of perspective here, if anyone's got any. My 15yo ds has visited adult oriented web sites and now ds2 (11yo) just found smutty catalogues in ds1's secret candy stash!! (Does anyone remember that song a few years back "I Like Sex and Candy"?) I'll deal with ds2's sneaking issue later! Ds1 is away at camp now (oh crap! I wonder what he's doing there?!?!?!!?), so I've got time to think about it. Dh has told ds1 not to go to such sites and when we move in a couple of weeks we will have new parental controls in place for the computer. I am sure this all part of the growing up thing, I am just not very comfortable with the whole idea. Dh said he would steal his older bros Playboy mags at this age, so he's not worried. *I was just wondering if any other moms out there has had similiar experiences and how they handled it.* Thanks!!

Bold Mine.


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *notsosuremom* 
Sorry to burst your bubble but I just searched this thread and the word PORN has been in almost every post . So it appears that this thread is about PORN

notsosuremom

_Duh_ it's about porn, and _duh_ the word "porn" has been used a lot.

Arduinnas point was that this thread was not intended to be a porn good vs. bad, empowering vs. degrading. It was started by a mother who was upset about her ds sneaking porn and what experience other mothers have had.

Ard never said this thread wasn't about porn. Just that it wasn't (or shouldn't be) a debate.


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

To OP. Don't tell ds #1 what #2 found. It will just be embarrassing and serve to, as Bama already mentioned anger 1 against 2. Don't give him a special place to keep his porn. Good grief, if he is too silly to hide it, don't help him out. If you are packing up his items in his room and you don't like him looking at the porn mags (I don't approve of porn - at any age, but I digress), throw them out. I assure you he won't ask where they are.









Second, my dh and I both have our own computers, both of which are in the living room as an accountability. If you really want to monitor your son's porn viewing on-line, put his computer in the living room and take the power cord to bed with you when you go to bed. Short of that, there is nothing you can do to keep him from perusing the porn at his leisure while you are fast asleep. There is a LOT of scary strange demented sexual stuff on the internet, all of which are at his "fingertips." I wish you well in your endeavor to determine what is right for your family.

As for #2, the snoop, you should just make him go in his room and sit on his bed while you peruse through his drawers, pilfer under his bed, etc. to see if you can come up with anything embarrassing. Chances are you won't, but at least he will see how it feels to be the snooped-on.

Good Luck, Mamma!


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veggiemomma* 
As for #2, the snoop, you should just make him go in his room and sit on his bed while you peruse through his drawers, pilfer under his bed, etc. to see if you can come up with anything embarrassing. Chances are you won't, but at least he will see how it feels to be the snooped-on.

I hope you're kidding about that....


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadWorldSonnet* 
I hope you're kidding about that....

I was!







I'm really not that cruel.


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

We don't allow TV or computers in bedrooms. This meas more family time and less alone sneaking porn time. The number one reason for this really is for more family time.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Potty Diva* 
We don't allow TV or computers in bedrooms. This meas more family time and less alone sneaking porn time. The number one reason for this really is for more family time.

My oldest has had issues with finding/viewing porn online for two years now. We have finally been able to move the computer into the living room (we didn't have the space before) and it is much easier for all involved. I don't have to put the system in lockdown or make sure someone is in the room while he plays anymore b/c it is in a main traffic area. The same goes with my laptop....it stays at the dining room table which is also a main traffic area (we have a small house).

We will not allow a computer in their rooms at any point. All of the things they need to accomplish can be done on the system in the living room. I am trying to avoid multiple computers at all, though that may change when I have three in high school at the same time.

We just put a couple of old televisions in their rooms with no cable hooked up and there is zero reception for any programs without cable hooked up. They have a VCR to watch movies. We do limit the timeframe they can use the tvs in their rooms to daytime hours only and usually it is just one movie. We really haven't had any requests past that and they only use them 2-3 times a month right now. I am sure that will change in time though.


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## rayo de sol (Sep 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Briseis_of.Troy* 
I am pretty tired of people saying that porn is harmless and
can only sometimes be harmful.

After i got out i saw a psychologyst and was basically dubbed Asexual
for a time. When i thought about sex i would throw up. Thousands
of images would flood my head and i would be sick. I lost ALL sexual
arousal and could not orgasm. I was sexually traumatized from
my career.

MANY women are PERMANENTLY traumatized from working as Porn actors.
That was years ago and i still sometimes cry and sob, and feel sick
when i have sex with my husband. The vommiting phase is over..
but the scars are there.

The industry takes advantage of sexually deranged people who then
further act it out , more damage is done. I dont know if i will
ever be healed from it.

Please , people...

unless YOU have worked as a callgirl, a Stripper, or a Porn actor
dont say its harmless. It is. It hurts us. *Please stop enabling
this sick industry, and getting off on the suffering of others.*

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Briseis of Troy.







I know that can't be easy to do on a thread full of pornography advocates. I wanted to say something similar to what you've said, Briseis, earlier in the thread, but I'm just sick of the pro-porn response of, "Oh, the women working in the sex industry just _love_ what they do." That's hogwash. Porn is bad for everybody from the women involved in making it to the men consuming it to those men's wives and girlfriends that they try to act the porn out on. Not to mention that child molesters use porn on their victims, so the cycle starts all over again when those children end up working in porn. I guess the only people that it's not bad for are the Hugh Hefners out there making a profit by exploiting people sexually.

For the porn fans here, how can you derive any pleasure from porn when there's even a possibility that the women making it have suffered or been exploited or are just so traumatized from childhood sexual abuse that they are just doing the only thing they know? For me that's like getting off watching people being tortured or killed. Porn documents the soul-murder of these women.


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veggiemomma* 
As for #2, the snoop, you should just make him go in his room and sit on his bed while you peruse through his drawers, pilfer under his bed, etc. to see if you can come up with anything embarrassing. Chances are you won't, but at least he will see how it feels to be the snooped-on.

And if your kid hits you, you should hit him back to show him how it feels. And if your toddler bites you, you should bite him back. Etc.










Modeling lousy behavior does nothing to discourage it.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2tadpoles* 
And if your kid hits you, you should hit him back to show him how it feels. And if your toddler bites you, you should bite him back. Etc.










Modeling lousy behavior does nothing to discourage it.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *MadWorldSonnet*
I hope you're kidding about that....

In reference to the snooping comment....the poster responded with this.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veggiemomma*
I was! I'm really not that cruel.


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

Okay, when I posted about what to do w/ the snooper, I thought what I wrote was so OUTRAGEOUS that it would be obvious that I was not serious. I guess I was wrong. Sorry for offending. Of course I don't approve of disciplining wrong behavior with more wrong behavior.

In all actuality, I think what ds #2 did was perfectly normal for his age. That is kind of why I posted something crazy about what to do with him. PPers were saying how it was completely normal for a 15 yo to look at porn, but they would be more concerned about the snooping. Well, guess what...it is perfectly normal for a younger brother to snoop through his older brother's stuff, especially if the snooping is happening in the drawer where he already knows there is candy!


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## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamasgroovin* 
Oh yeah, and while ds1 was packing up for camp (he's gone for 3 weeks







)I warned him that if he had anything he didn't want his mom to see in his room, he should properly deal with it before leaving b/c the movers and I would be in his room packing everything up (we move while he is gone). Then the very next day ds2 finds it. THAT'S what ticks me off! I gave him the opportunity to deal with it!!
!

Obviously it wasn't top of his mind, and he may have even forgotten he had it...


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## MadWorldSonnet (Jun 15, 2007)

Veggie--Sorry. Phew-glad you were kidding. As I'm sure you know, some moms are that cruel.







Thanks for clearing that up!


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## 2tadpoles (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Houdini* 
In reference to the snooping comment....the poster responded with this.

Thanks so much for bringing our inattention to our attention. Whatever would we do without you?







:


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## Jeanne D'Arc (Apr 7, 2007)

Quote:

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Briseis of Troy. I know that can't be easy to do on a thread full of pornography advocates. I wanted to say something similar to what you've said, Briseis, earlier in the thread, but I'm just sick of the pro-porn response of, "Oh, the women working in the sex industry just love what they do." That's hogwash. Porn is bad for everybody from the women involved in making it to the men consuming it to those men's wives and girlfriends that they try to act the porn out on. Not to mention that child molesters use porn on their victims, so the cycle starts all over again when those children end up working in porn. I guess the only people that it's not bad for are the Hugh Hefners out there making a profit by exploiting people sexually.

For the porn fans here, how can you derive any pleasure from porn when there's even a possibility that the women making it have suffered or been exploited or are just so traumatized from childhood sexual abuse that they are just doing the only thing they know? For me that's like getting off watching people being tortured or killed. Porn documents the soul-murder of these women.

*I whole heartedly agree.

I have tried telling people who think its harmless about my experiences.
Honestly i have never seen men get so depressed and silent after
hearing my accounts, and reality of the sex industry.

Usually what happens though is my story gets discounted because
people want their fantasy. They want their vice. And if that means
ignoring a sexually traumatized individual , so be it.

As long as they have their porn , they can pretend she is actually
loving it.

What they don't see is a woman throwing up and crying
herself to sleep at the end of the day.

if any of you know of a loved one that is in this sick industry,
is hurt and needs help... shelley lubben ( former porn actress )
runs a site with links and information on her experiences.

http://www.shelleylubben.com/

There is also...

http://www.sexindustrysurvivors.com/main.htm

I challenge anyone who thinks the sex industry is harmless
to do some real research on it.*


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## Papai (Apr 9, 2007)

If we want to get into an argument about porn and all the issues surrounding it, I think it should be in another thread.


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## notsosuremom (Jul 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Briseis_of.Troy* 

*I whole heartedly agree.

I have tried telling people who think its harmless about my experiences.
Honestly i have never seen men get so depressed and silent after
hearing my accounts, and reality of the sex industry.

Usually what happens though is my story gets discounted because
people want their fantasy. They want their vice. And if that means
ignoring a sexually traumatized individual , so be it.

As long as they have their porn , they can pretend she is actually
loving it.

What they don't see is a woman throwing up and crying
herself to sleep at the end of the day.

if any of you know of a loved one that is in this sick industry,
is hurt and needs help... shelley lubben ( former porn actress )
runs a site with links and information on her experiences.

http://www.shelleylubben.com/

There is also...

http://www.sexindustrysurvivors.com/main.htm

I challenge anyone who thinks the sex industry is harmless
to do some real research on it.*


Thank you both for speaking out. And thanks for the links.

notsosuremom


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

Sorry to resurrect an old thread but...

I did want to thank everyone for their thoughts and ideas. I stumbled upon this thread this morning and was SHOCKED to see how many posts it had. I was off line for quite a while, first of all because we moved, and it was a bit before we had everything hooked back up and second, because of our son's little indiscretions, he gave our computer what I am calling Computer VD. We spent HOURS trying to fix this stupid thing. We're not back to 100%, but much better.

Some have asked what I found. I found images of an Anime character with HUGE tits and a sticky candy-like substance dripping off of them. I also found some shorts of real couples in the act, no Asian anal fisting. One site had pics of "natural" women (I was actually glad he wanted to see a more realistic view). After searching 4 of 5 of the sites he had visited, I decided I had seen enough, but there were others I am sure. I personally found the cartoon character the most disturbing because this is geared exactly for his age and it is so completely unrealistic. After starting this post I then found a movie of this same character having a squirting orgasm, that was very up-close and detailed.

Dh has spoken to the boy about this, I have not. Ds1 promises not to go to these sites anymore (yeah, right, I wasn't born yesterday







). Dh checks his computer every so often and has found no signs of any infractions. But again, he is rather smart, so I am confident that he would cover his tracks.

I am not upset with his curiosity, I was really just looking for advice on how to handle it as it then got ds2 involved, YKWIM? He got the point, and was embarrassed that I had found him out, I am sure he would have preferred Dad finding it, not me.

Again, thanks to all!


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

I have had the same problem with one of my sons. I think it's normal and healthy for kids to be curious and interested in sex, and of course me and my best friend also used to look at her father's secret (and actually rather hard-core) porn mags when we were little, but the internet is a completely different thing.

There's no limits to what kinds of variations of sex you can find or stumble across there, it's not just naked girls. Kids will naturally be attracted and curious about "strange and unusual" sex, and will easily see things that they shouldn't and that they would actually regret.

When I discovered that my son was sometimes looking at internet porn in his room, at first I was actually shocked because he's a nice boy, politically sensitive etc. And I hadn't been in that situation before. So I just said that I didn't accept that he looked at porn, I didn't want that kind of stuff in my house or something like that. When I got my head back I tried to explain.

I explained that porn wouldn't give him a good image of what sex is like in the real world, and that I thought it was bad for him at his age, when he's developing so much physically and emotionally, starting to explore the world as a soon-to-be adult etc., to look at it. (Then of course he said "But mummy, I KNOW what sex is like!" Hmmm... that was another thing to worry about.)

I said that he couldn't know how the life of the girls he watched was like, maybe she had been abused, which a lot of them have been, maybe she gets psychological problems and her own sex life destroyed by partaking in those films, maybe she's downright forced... you don't know. I think there's a limit to how much responsibility a 15-year old should have to take for this kind of evils, but I think it's important that he knows about this side of things. (I personally know only one girl who has been in Playboy (no, she didn't get paid) and has been a stripper, and that happens to be the one who was raped by her stepfather every day from she was seven till she was 16. Not a coincidence. I know several girls who have been raped, and all of them has issues with needing lots of sexual attention all the time and therefore getting themselves into bad situations.)

I said would he like his girlfriend or sister to be treated like the girls in those films, and other men, strangers, to watch?

I said that because of all those things, I don't want to live in a house with porn. So if he didn't stop looking at it, I would remove his internet connection. And I would have done it, too.

He said he understood and agreed, and I think he was honest. I know that some of the boys he hung out with were very much into porn, so it's possible that he was caught up in that culture for a while. I did check his computer every now and again, and it seemed like my approach worked.

I must add that the age of consent in Norway is 16, therefore it's illegal to show porn to children under 16. The sexual pressure on teenage kids is enormous, so I think that as a mother an important part of the job is to help shield kids from adult sexual influence, so that they can develop their own sexuality at their own pace and in their own way. I think disallowing internet porn in the house helped protect him against something I viewed as very negative peer pressure.

As for your son I think monitoring his internet use is a good idea, and also maybe moving the computer out of his room (I didn't do that, though, and some of the porn my son watched was in the livingroom). And talk to him about it, of course. Good luck!


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sbm1001* 
Porn, in any amount, is bad. It's not perfectly healthy in ANY amount. It all starts somewhere! Even if it's just a tiny bit today....it doesn't mean it won't be the beginning of a big problem in the coming years. Why condone something that has the potential to ruin a childs life??

I don't get it & I'm still really shocked at how the majority of posters in this thread are okay with a 15 y.o. looking at porn!









Shannon

Wow, if porn in any amount is bad, I must be an awful, sexual deviate. My gooodness, I have looked at playgirl and playboy. They are beautiful human bodies, not porn. But additionally, a gay college roomate had a bunch of hardcore gay s&m porn. I looked at it, because I was curious. I was like, wow, people are into THAT? It was interesting, from a human nature pov. I didn't become gay or get into violence because of looking at a few images.

By your standards, I must also be an alcoholic, because I have drunk wine and hard liquor (sometimes even more than one glass a week! Gasp!) I also must be a drug addict. I did pot in college, and once I even did shrooms. Wow, I have just ruined my life.

My point? The world is not black and white Shannon. It has many grey levels. If you hold such rigid standards for yourself, I hope you do not also hold them for the people close around you. I feel sorry for them, because with such extremely high expectations, they will only fail.

OOPs - I didn't realize this was 4 pages. I'v only read the first page.


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## veggiemomma (Oct 21, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AllisonR* 
Wow, if porn in any amount is bad, I must be an awful, sexual deviate. My gooodness, I have looked at playgirl and playboy. They are beautiful human bodies, not porn. .

From Webster's Online Dictionary

por·nog·ra·phy
Pronunciation: \-fē\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek pornographos, adjective, writing about prostitutes, from pornē prostitute + graphein to write; akin to Greek pernanai to sell, poros journey - more at fare, carve
Date: 1858
1 : the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2 : material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
3 : the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction <the pornography of violence>
- por·no·graph·ic \ˌpȯr-nə-ˈgra-fik\ adjective
- por·no·graph·i·cal·ly \-fi-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

Not saying that an adult should or shouldn't look at porn, just saying that playboy *IS* porn. By this definition, it is material INTENTED to cause sexual excitement. I'd say that pretty much covers playboy.

But I think we have probably been over something similar to this in the four pages of this thread.

TO OP, I am glad that you found this in its early stages. I would be very vigilent (as I am sure you are being) in watching for this. Pornography, especially of the nature of that cartoon, can become very addictive, both to teens and adults.


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## sunflowers (Sep 24, 2006)

I'm dealing with online porn with my 15yo as well. We have the talk about internet safety since he also games online but for some reason he doesn't understand why I don't want him downloading porn to "his" computer. Well that changed recently when he managed to somehow crash his hard drive! I know it was a virus picked up from one of the "forbidden" sites since he games on my computer and does other messaging from there as well. My hard drive hasn't crashed.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *myjulybabes* 
My concern with internet porn would be the various spyware and occasionally even viruses you can pick up surfing it if you're not careful. My mom had all sorts of problems with her computer that my husband ended up spending hours fixing because my brothers were downloading porn. (and they were in their early 20s at this point and should hve known better!) In addition to the parental controls, I'd get some good anti-virus software and a program that scans for spyware. Most teens are pretty savvy about that stuff today, but if they're in a hurry to get those pics before they get caught, they might not be as careful as they should be, KWIM?

I am getting his computer fixed as his "big" Christmas present and when he gets it back it will have some excellent spyware and some sort of parental software that I can at least go in at look at his history. (The little bugger started clearing his history when he realized I was checking it!)


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## sunflowers (Sep 24, 2006)

I should mention that the porn my DS looks at is the Anime sort. Anime bothers me more than standard porn because I feel it depicts a very hard core aspect of pornography. From what I've seen, lots of it is S&M, bondage, ect. Fine for adults if they choose, but I'd prefer my 15yo has some more time and maturity before he's exposed to that on a regular basis.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

I'm sorry to derail from the OP, but since this is a resurrected thread, I figure I might get away with it.







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *rabbitmum* 
(I personally know only one girl who has been in Playboy (no, she didn't get paid) and has been a stripper, and that happens to be the one who was raped by her stepfather every day from she was seven till she was 16. *Not a coincidence*. I know several girls who have been raped, and all of them has issues with needing lots of sexual attention all the time and therefore getting themselves into bad situations.)

bolding mine.

This makes me go







.

I know TONS of women who have been raped and don't work in the sex industry. 1 in 3 women, in fact, are sexually assaulted.

You make strippers sound like nymphomaniacs or something. I actually know VIRGIN strippers. I know women who are single mommas and have been celibate for anywhere from months to years.

I also know strippers who sleep with anything who looks at them the right way.

And I know sorority girls and college freshwomen and grown-up successful female business executives who do the same thing.








:

I don't think the sex industry is necessarily the healthiest place to be for everyone who works there, and I'm not saying that I think porn is good _or_ bad for society as a whole, but I can not stand the "every sex worker is horribly exploited and degraded and abused and they are only there because they are victims" idealogy.


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happyhippiemama* 
This makes me go







.

Well, but I was actually not discussing for or against porn or stripping, I was writing as a mother who has had to deal with a young son watching porn on the internet. He was not looking at cartoons, by the way, it was more like the variety with the young Asians that were mentioned earlier in this thread.

I'm sorry I made you go







, but I didn't say the things that you seem to have read into my post.

I didn't say that all women who have been raped are in the sex industry.
I didn't say that strippers are nymphomaniacs - in fact I didn't mention anything about nymphomanics at all. I didn't say that every "sex worker" is horribly exploited and degraded and abused and they are only there because they are victims".

But, regarding what you put in bold - no, it's not a coincidence. It is of course *possible* that she would have been a stripper anyway, but it's much less likely. And she did get more messed up because of it.

I don't think it's a very daring proposition to say that a high percentage of girls in the sex industry are there because they are already messed up and - what is more important - that they are getting messed up more by being there. Therefore it's not unlikely that the girl that my young son is watching, is not happy about being in that position. And I think that is one of the good reasons why under-age boys shouldn't be watching porn, which I told him. And my post was a reply to the OP's question about how other mothers had dealt with the same problem, not a discussion about porn, because those I can't be bothered with.


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunflowers* 
I'm dealing with online porn with my 15yo as well. We have the talk about internet safety since he also games online but for some reason he doesn't understand why I don't want him downloading porn to "his" computer. Well that changed recently when he managed to somehow crash his hard drive! I know it was a virus picked up from one of the "forbidden" sites since he games on my computer and does other messaging from there as well. My hard drive hasn't crashed.

I am getting his computer fixed as his "big" Christmas present and when he gets it back it will have some excellent spyware and some sort of parental software that I can at least go in at look at his history. (The little bugger started clearing his history when he realized I was checking it!)

Ooooooooooo! You got computer VD, too? I'm sorry.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunflowers* 
I should mention that the porn my DS looks at is the Anime sort. Anime bothers me more than standard porn because I feel it depicts a very hard core aspect of pornography. From what I've seen, lots of it is S&M, bondage, ect. Fine for adults if they choose, but I'd prefer my 15yo has some more time and maturity before he's exposed to that on a regular basis.

SO with you on the Anime thing. It REALLY bothers me. The one film I saw was SO graphic, and SO misinformative!


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

BTW, totally off topic, but since it was brought up...I do know a woman who voluntarily became a stripper and LOVES it. She has created a wonderful life for her and her daughter and has no regrets. I do realize however, that that is NOT always the case. Just thought I'd add that.







I know that you weren't saying that is the case with all sex industry workers.


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## happyhippiemama (Apr 1, 2004)

oh, a fwiw, I don't care for anime, either.


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## Hera (Feb 4, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TheGirls* 
Heck, when I was a 15 year old girl, I snuck into my dad's playboy collection (no internet at home yet). When I was 18, I found my 14 year old brother's internet porn stash. He was rather embarrassed, but I didn't tell. It was pretty normal naked girls stuff, so there wasn't much to tell. I mean "my brother likes to look at naked girls" would hardly have been an earthshattering piece of news to my folks...

At 15 he's got raging hormones and sexual urges, but may not be ready to have actual sex yet, so he's stuck with "fantasy sex". That's pretty much what porn is, fantasy sex...

I'm not a parent yet, but I don't personally think I'd use parental controls to attempt to keep a 15 year old from finding porn on the internet. It's pretty normal and harmless. I might have a talk about the differences between the bodies (both female and male) shown in porn and average human bodies. It would be good for him to know that a porn star's penis is not of normal size, for example. It would also be good for him to know that most women won't look like porn star women (who may have implants and are almost certainly airbrushed).

When I was a 14 year old girl, I didn't find porn but I did find my dad's copy of "The Joy of Sex" on the bookshelf. The old edition, with the biker guy and the woman with the hairy armpits. That was some good reading...I learned a lot about mutual respect in sexual relationships along with the fantasy sex. I'm sure your 15 yo would be mortified if you offered him a book like that, but if you have that sort of thing, now might be the time for it to find it's way to an accessible bookshelf...

I like the locking file cabinet idea.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2tadpoles* 
I don't think so.

There's a whole lot more to Internet porn than just "naked girls." You can download live clips of XXX rated videos.

I have a 15yo boy. I think it's perfectly normal for a 15yo boy to want to see naked girls, and if it were just a matter of finding a Playboy magazine or something tame like that, I would just let it go.

I'm not comfortable with my son, who is completely inexperienced sexually, watching hard-core, live action among very experienced/adventuresome adults who are being paid to thrill viewers. I really don't want him to think that sex is like that for the average person.

So, I have parental controls on my kids' computer. Nobody ever died from *not* watching "Asian teenagers getting anally fisted."

I agree. I stole porn as a teen, but it was A LOT DIFFERENT than some of those sites you find online. A LOT.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I wouldn't like a child of mine looking at internet porn so I would talk about that with them. But if it were magazines or pictures then I'd tell them to hide them better so the younger children are exposed.

I think it's natural to be curious about the opposite sex but I don't want my children going about the wrong way (i.e. looking at porn sites online or possibly getting approached by pedofiles online). In the privacy of one's own room I see no problem with him keeping photos or mags like Playboy or whatever is out there.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hera* 
When I was a 14 year old girl, I didn't find porn but I did find my dad's copy of "The Joy of Sex" on the bookshelf. The old edition, with the biker guy and the woman with the hairy armpits. That was some good reading...I learned a lot about mutual respect in sexual relationships along with the fantasy sex.

I remember when I was 15 and spending the night with a friend and there were like 5 of us girls and one of them brought in a Playgirl. ugh! I was mortified but wildly curious at the same time, lol.







All kids should have a chance to atleast go through a situation like that. I just don't like the idea of the internet porn stuff. That's a little too hardcore for a young teen.


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## cherrymary (Apr 14, 2007)

hey sorry to bring this old thread out of retirement but i thought this was super interesting, and had to ask a question - since there are evidently so many moral and ethical sides to the issue of hard-core pornography, wouldn't this be a great opportunity to open this subject to healthy discussion with your teenager? we had a similar debate in my moral reasoning class back when i was at college, and we were only a few years older than the 15-year-old in question. one of the posters mentioned that morality is subjective, but if that is the case, why worry about picking one moral perspective and beating your rational, intelligent teen over the head with it? i think that more than anyone else, teenagers need to practice skills like critical thinking, articulating their position, sorting through research for supporting evidence, and tolerating difference of opinion. i would definitely like to improve these skills myself, and i hope to give my own kids a solid opportunity to work on them as well. there are plenty of politically and morally volatile topics like this out there, such as capital punishment, male and female circumcision, affirmative action, etc., that i have certain opinions on (and i know you all do too!) and that others have other opinions on. i hope my kids won't just be carbon copies of me, but will be able to engage in good honest conversations about these problems with everybody else, myself included.


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## cuddleluvinma (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cherrymary* 
hey sorry to bring this old thread out of retirement but i thought this was super interesting, and had to ask a question - since there are evidently so many moral and ethical sides to the issue of hard-core pornography, wouldn't this be a great opportunity to open this subject to healthy discussion with your teenager? we had a similar debate in my moral reasoning class back when i was at college, and we were only a few years older than the 15-year-old in question. one of the posters mentioned that morality is subjective, but if that is the case, why worry about picking one moral perspective and beating your rational, intelligent teen over the head with it? i think that more than anyone else, teenagers need to practice skills like critical thinking, articulating their position, sorting through research for supporting evidence, and tolerating difference of opinion. i would definitely like to improve these skills myself, and i hope to give my own kids a solid opportunity to work on them as well. there are plenty of politically and morally volatile topics like this out there, such as capital punishment, male and female circumcision, affirmative action, etc., that i have certain opinions on (and i know you all do too!) and that others have other opinions on. i hope my kids won't just be carbon copies of me, but will be able to engage in good honest conversations about these problems with everybody else, myself included.

I love this answer!


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## DisplacedYooper (Aug 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hera* 
When I was a 14 year old girl, I didn't find porn but I did find my dad's copy of "The Joy of Sex" on the bookshelf. The old edition, with the biker guy and the woman with the hairy armpits. That was some good reading...I learned a lot about mutual respect in sexual relationships along with the fantasy sex. I'm sure your 15 yo would be mortified if you offered him a book like that, but if you have that sort of thing, now might be the time for it to find it's way to an accessible bookshelf...









: I spent some time reading The New Joy of Sex when I was 15. (An older friend of mine had an even older boyfriend. Amazingly, no one involved was actually having sex!







) The woman still has hairy armpits, there's a lot about mutual respect, PLUS discussion about STDs!







I think every home with a teenager should have a copy somewhere in the house...


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## mamasgroovin (Nov 27, 2006)

Won't this thread ever go away?









I decided to look it back up, just to refresh my memory, and I have really been enjoying the responses. MDC is such a great community.

Last night, guess what I found on my computer??? Again??? And guess who the culprit is this time??? Numero 2.







Fantastic. When I signed on for this mom gig, I had no idea I was ever going to have to deal with teenage boys. They are so sweet and cute when they are little babies! It is a trick I tell you!

So dh will be having the discussion this evening...

I'm a total idiot. I will have 20 consecutive years of teenagers...3 of which are boys. And I'm only not even 3 years into this sentence! 20 years! And I thought spacing was a good idea?


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

I think the people who think that teenagers should be okay looking at internet porn need to spend a day clicking around to see what they are looking at.

Because it playboy. It isn't even hustler. Even the stuff that seems relatively safe usually isn't. You want to click some literature, think you are getting one thing and the person is "engaged" by the time they get to the part that involves screwing family members.

If you REALLY think that it is just dandy, prove it. Start clicking away, and see how long until you are at stuff that disturbs the hell out of you.


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## MilkTrance (Jul 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Papai* 
If we want to get into an argument about porn and all the issues surrounding it, I think it should be in another thread.

I have to agree.

We're talking about a 15 year old here, not a grown man.

I'm anti-porn, but I'm not anti-curiosity. I think keeping something away from someone just makes them want it more.

Well, at least that's how it works with me and Cadbury Cream Eggs.


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## Freud (Jan 21, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BamaDude* 

First off, from DS1's perspective the coolest thing you could do as a Mom is to hold DS2 while DS1 gets to hit him hard twice; once for going into DS1's "secret stash" and a second time for blabbing about what he found there to you. Of course this is not a reasonable or rational expectation, but it is very close to how DS1 will feel when you confront him with what DS2 found.

Hilarious!


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