# No more nursing to sleep - Routine Transition



## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

Hi all. Nursing my 14 month old to sleep at night is starting to drive me batty, so I want to transition to DH putting him to sleep. I will try to give as much info as possible so sorry if this gets long.









Ok, he is 14 mo, I don't want to nightwean for at least a couple more months but I do want to cut out the nursing to sleep. He goes to sleep in a mattress on the floor of our room and usually comes into our bed about midnight.

I am looking for any ideas on what the last part of the routine can be instead of nursing, and ideas on how to transition gently to the new routine. Any other BTDT encouragement or advice would be great too. And should I help DH get him to sleep, at least at first, or would it be better if mama were nowhere to be seen?

Our current routine works like a charm. We start it at about 8:00 and he is asleep by 8:30 on a very good night, or 9:00 on a rough night. Here it is:

*Bedtime snack and sometimes bath (these can happen up to a half hour before we start the rest).
*Nurse in chair in living room (quick milkie bedtime snack).
*Tour of house (DH carries him around and they say good night to everything).
*Read a couple books in bed.
*Bedtime pee, diaper, and toothbrushing.
*Prayer.
*Nurse to sleep.

TIA!


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

I am doing this now with my 22-month old, also not nightweaning, just not nursing to sleep. It's been a week and she still asks for it. Nighttime has always been long and drawn-out with us. I did start bringing a cup of whole milk if she wanted to have a bit. She drinks about a quarter of a cup. I just try to stay firm and substitute hugs and gentle words. But, mine is talking and can understand simple explanations like, "All done nursy-nursy."

You might be interested to know that while she can fall asleep with me without nursing, she hasn't fallen asleep with anyone else! She needs the boobs near, if not totally accessible.

Good luck.


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## PassionateWriter (Feb 27, 2008)

good luck. our night times were always so nice when he nursed to sleep. now we are both sometimes exhausted by the time he falls asleep. im nursing again but he isnt used to nursing to sleep anymore (for the last 3-4 months..due to pregnancy).

just be prepared for even longer nights getting to sleep. though i hope it works better for you than it did for me.


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## paquerette (Oct 16, 2004)

Every time we tried to cut back on bedtime nursing, it was traumatic for all 3 of us. When she decided she was ready, it was easy as pie. It may be worth a shot to try it a night and see if he's ready, but I wouldn't get too stuck on the idea until you see.


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## Karrie42 (Apr 19, 2008)

Barefootscientist, I am thinking about trying the exact same thing. Our little guy nurses down for his naps and nighttime sleep. As my part-time internship starts in October, I will not be around to put him to bed two days a week. He is going to have to sleep without nursing! I haven't tried anything yet but have been thinking of some strategies.

Currently our night-time routine is book, bath, sing lullabies and nurse to sleep. Our nap routine is simply going into the darkened room, lullabies and nurse to sleep. I think I'm going to start with a change in the nap routine. He is used to sleeping in his carrier for naps outside the house. I'm going to use this to our advantage (i hope!) My plan is to put him in the carrier inside the house and walk around until he is sleepy, then to sit with him in our rocking chair until he is totally out, and finally put him down to sleep. I want to associate the rocking chair with falling asleep instead of nursing. I'm thinking at least of couple of weeks of this, and then try it for bedtime as well.

I'm looking forward to hearing other ideas out there!

- Karrie


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## dutchgal (Nov 25, 2006)

We just sort of switched up the order of what was done when. So instead of having nursing last, in the rocking chair, we did story and snuggles with dad last, I nursed her *before* bathime, something she totally looks forward to every night. She starts signing for bath in her highchair at dinner already, so I knew the nursing could be overshadowed by the bath.

Try switching up the order, maybe "forgetting" the tour of the house until last, ("Oh,we forgot to say goodnight to the house!"). It sounds like that's something that dad and your DD do together. Would that work?


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## D_McG (Jun 12, 2006)

I did this around that age. Maybe he was a bit older but not much. DH putting him down didn't work until he was closer to 2 though but I was able to stop nursing to sleep pretty easily by taking 5 minute breaks from it. So we'd nurse and then I'd get that restless, crazy, going to crawl out of my skin feeling so we'd take a 5 minute break. 5 minutes no matter what. We'd talk, sing, cuddle whatever (all lying down) but no nursing. And sometimes he did cry but 5 minutes is not a big deal to me. If he still wanted to nurse after 5 minutes then we would. But then I'd stop again if I felt overwhelemed. I did this for a couple of days and before long we were just nursing and then cuddling to sleep.

My son would never have been 'fooled' by a new routine and anyone else putting him to bed would have been too traumatic. But those approaches work great for some kids. It's just trial and error I think!


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## mamamille (Nov 30, 2006)

my dp has always been able to put her to sleep since infanthood. It was important to me that she have someone else, and it proved to be invaluable. However she absolutely won't have me put her to sleep anyway but the boob. I wanted to tell you that they do have a consiousness on how diff people put them to sleep. Or at least my dd did. My mom was able to put her to sleep at 12 m? She always asks/talks about the boobie and one night she said "mama- boo-boo", then sat up and rocked very quickly and said "da-da", to show my mom how my dp puts her to sleep (he rocks her rather violently), and my mom just bores her to sleep by telling her long, and detailed stories and rubs her back.

I guess what my ramble is about that it might be easier to have someone else do it (leave the house so you aren't tempted to go and rescue), or be honest and communicative and patient. and as the other pp said if your dc is ready then it won't be horrible, if not then be flexible. My dd wasn't ready for any change until about 22 m (nightweaning and in her own bed)
Good Luck!


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## holly brewster (Oct 10, 2007)

My husband generally handles our nighttime routine. He was on a pretty good streak of being able to pat our 14 mo daughter to sleep in our bed. When that doesn't work he carries her in the ergo until she falls asleep and transfers her. I've never been able to pat her to sleep. So my experience has definitely been that Lucy will let different people put her to bed differently.

A week ago we started putting her down to start the evening out in the bed in her room and that unfortunately has ended my husband's ability to pat her down. He's back to the ergo every night. We are hoping that as she gets more comfortable in her room he can go back to patting.

I am able to put Lucy to sleep by carrying her in the ergo, driving in the car, walking in the stroller, and of course nursing. Although, without nursing it can take me an hour to 2 hours to get Lucy to sleep. I'm currently trying to push her nap (Noon) and bedtime (7P) back half-an-hour to see if that shortens the routine.

These sleep issues are so hard. I just keep hoping it will get easier. Good luck!

Holly
Mom to Lucy 6/4/07


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

Thanks everyone for the ideas (and warnings). I think we might try reconfiguring the routine a bit, maybe this weekend, and see if DH can put him to bed. If that doesn't work, I will probably do your method of taking a break, D_McG. At least that way maybe I can tolerate continuing to nurse him to sleep without losing my mind.


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

Oh and I also meant to ask - does anyone have any creative ideas on a method for getting to sleep other than nursing, wearing, and patting?

Wearing down would probably work for us as a last resort but transferring to bed sounds hard.


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## riaketty (Jul 26, 2007)

DD is 14mo too but we don't co-sleep anymore. She does still wake up numerous times per night and I do nurse her back to sleep, just in her room in her rocking chair and then she goes back in her crib.

She refuses to nurse to sleep at the beginning of the night. She has her lovey, which is a little mini-blanket that she chews on to get herself to sleep. It's not a pacifier, but it works just about the same way with no plastic or rubber involved.

Good luck. This is a rough time... we're going through it too.


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## Crunchie (Jan 9, 2007)

Our son transitioned to not nursing to sleep around 9 or 10 months of age (he is 14 months now). I don't know how it happened! I think that my husband was doing the bath/PJs thing one night and he just fell asleep with him, easily and without fuss...so we kept doing it. It works well as long as I (i.e., the boobies) am nowhere nearby. So I stay downstairs until I'm sure it's "all clear."

We co-sleep and I did not (and still have not) nightweaned. But we discovered that my husband could put our little one to sleep much easier than I could, even by nursing. Nursing him to sleep didn't always work--sometimes he'd nurse and not fall asleep--then he'd be awake and super cranky. I would suggest that if you're going to try it, try having your husband do the whole shebang and keep the temptation of nursing (you) out of the room. Sounds like he's already a big part of the routine, anyway.

As far as other ways to get them to go down...well, patting doesn't work for us, as it results in hysterical screaming. Apparently (see, like I said, I can't be in the room for it work so I haven't witnessed this) our son, as my husband puts it, "just passes out eventually."







My husband and him read books and play until my son at some point just comes over to him, crawls into bed next to him, and falls asleep on his own. He puts himself to sleep around 8:30 most nights, so it seems to be working fine for him. Before they started this routine my husband would walk and bounce him around, then lay down in the bed with him.


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

We still co-sleep, so I just lay there and say "night-night" until, like Crunchie's son, my daughter comes over, lays down, and goes to sleep. We only read two books, though, and no playing in the bed, ever. Bed is to be associated with sleep.

Milk (cow's) and water on demand, same with the potty, though she is only allowed to potty once in a 30-minute period because I am not getting her out of bed just to sit on the potty and fart and pretend to pee.

Tonight it didn't take long at all- maybe 45 minutes for the whole routine, and only 20 minutes once in bed. It was great!


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

It worked!









Well kind of. Last night we did the usual routine and then when I would normally nurse him I kissed him, said good night and left the room (DH was going to read him to sleep). That was a mistake. He wailed. After a few minutes I went back and nursed him while DH read for a few minutes, then he crawled around and stood up and flopped around like a carp and finally lay down and fell asleep as DH was reading. It took like 45 minutes of reading.







DH's throat was a little sore and he wanted to quit and I was like,







"so I have to nurse him to sleep every night until he's 3?" lol and DH, bless his heart, kept reading.

DS woke up about 20 minutes later and I nursed him. I didn't want him to think he wasn't getting milkies all night. Then he slept pretty well for the rest of the night.

So, just wanted to update. Hopefully the time required for reading will decrease, and eventually he will also be able to go to sleep without me in the room. I think I will try nursing him earlier in the routine too instead of just before sleep.


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

Have you tried starting with the nursing session then going on through the rest of the routine? That's how our routine starts...


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

That was the plan. But last night we forgot we were going to try the new routine until we had already started it.


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
Oh and I also meant to ask - does anyone have any creative ideas on a method for getting to sleep other than nursing, wearing, and patting?

Wearing down would probably work for us as a last resort but transferring to bed sounds hard.

DH puts DS to sleep - sort of - by letting him play himself to sleep. He nestles DS into his armpit ("pit-time") for stories and some singing (usually more like rapping these days) and sometimes that works. If it doesn't work, DH gets out the laptop or the remote and just lets DS romp around on our king bed. He keeps ahold of one of DS's feet, so he doesn't go too far or off the bed. Eventually, DS just drops off to sleep. Sometimes it takes up to an hour, though. I just don't have the patience for it. I'm never in the room, and if I do go in the room it disrupts the entire process, because DS wants to nurse again.


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## poetesss (Mar 2, 2006)

I could use some of these ideas...we managed to get nighttime taken care of, but not daytime naps. This is actually the last bit of nursing ds does, that one naptime feed. I'd love to continue but I am pregnant, so uncomfortable with this due to back pains, braxton hicks, etc. that I am starting to get extremely resentful and hateful about nursing. I need to recharge for the sake of my upcoming LO's nursing relationship.

Oddly enough, for nights, ds randomly at like 21 months started taking a paci to bed (we've had one rolling around the house that he never actually took to but just played with it as a chew toy). Out of nowhere one night he sucked it instead of played with it and started to drowse off so I took advantage of that. Unfortunately during naptimes he treats it like a chew toy again and won't use it as a soother. So I'll be looking out for suggestions too!


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BarefootScientist* 
It worked!









Well kind of. Last night we did the usual routine and then when I would normally nurse him I kissed him, said good night and left the room (DH was going to read him to sleep). That was a mistake. He wailed. After a few minutes I went back and nursed him while DH read for a few minutes, then he crawled around and stood up and flopped around like a carp and finally lay down and fell asleep as DH was reading. It took like 45 minutes of reading.







DH's throat was a little sore and he wanted to quit and I was like,







"so I have to nurse him to sleep every night until he's 3?" lol and DH, bless his heart, kept reading.

DS woke up about 20 minutes later and I nursed him. I didn't want him to think he wasn't getting milkies all night. Then he slept pretty well for the rest of the night.

So, just wanted to update. Hopefully the time required for reading will decrease, and eventually he will also be able to go to sleep without me in the room. I think I will try nursing him earlier in the routine too instead of just before sleep.

Yeah, this is pretty much how it is at our house, although DH doesn't read more than 2-3 stories. After that, it's the laptop or the remote.

I had to laugh at "flopping around like a carp" because that totally describes DS.


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## Just1More (Jun 19, 2008)

Hi!

My ds is 14 months, too! And lately he won't go to sleep for me. Just won't. It's almost as if he thinks if he falls asleep, I might put him down, or Daddy might take him or something. So, he refuses to sleep. He'll be exhausted and it can take 2 to 3 hours...at which point I give up. I hand him to Daddy...ds cries for all of 30 seconds, maybe a minute (it's very, very sad though...he sounds broken-hearted and reaches for me pathetically). Daddy immediately goes outside to the yard swing and sits down with ds and swings and sings...within 5 minutes...10 at the most...they are back inside with ds sound asleep happily in his bed. Drives me crazy. WHY will he NOT do that for me?
So...after a couple of weeks of that, near bedtime I just make myself scarce, and dh takes ds out to the swing. He goes right to sleep every night, and if I'm not a part of it at the beginning, then he doesn't cry for me at all. A side note is that while I didn't intend to nightwean either, he's been sleeping through the night all this week! I'm not complaining! So, I guess I didn't nightwean....HE did!
Hope things get better for you!


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

It did not work.









We started out the routine with a good nursing and then I tried just not being around at all, but DS got upset. So I went in and tried to just cuddle him but he was still upset so I finally ended up nursing him to sleep while DH read.

We're going to try it a few more times...I'm thinking nurse him and then just put the milky away and let him flop and sleep. That seemed to work the first night. Then we can always tweak it later to take out the nursing once he gets used to it. Although I don't really mind nursing him at bedtime, I just don't like nursing him to sleep with his flopping while still attached.







:


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## BarefootScientist (Jul 24, 2007)

Just wanted to update this with what eventually worked for us. Nowadays we start out the routine with nursing, then a couple stories, get ready for bed, and then DH straps DS up in the mei tai and takes him around the house, shutting off all the lights (DS loves light switches) and then for a walk around the block, and he's gotten really good at transferring him into bed.

So not ideal but it's working for now.


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