# 12 year old wetting the bed



## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

I need some advice please......
My dss is 12 and has wet the bed since he was out of diapers. Up until he was probably 10 yrs he wore pull ups to bed but dp thought it was going to damage his self esteem so he said enough of those. I think he figured if he had to wake up in wet sheets he'd get tired of it and stop wetting. His mom took him to the dr. about 3 years ago and there's nothing physically wrong, dr. wanted to put him on some kind of med to stop the wetting, mom was all for it, dp said no way. I guess it runs in the family because the mom wet the bed through her teen years.
My dp has custody so he lives with us full time although he stays with his mom eow. So guess who's laundry room is constantly full of sopping wet blankets, sheets and bed time clothes. I'm frustrated. Dp says he'll grow out of it, yeah I'm sure he will but meantime I'm tired of washing all this bedding! And the smell is terrible!
I've spoke gently with dss and tried to brainstorm ways with him to help it stop. Stop drinking a couple hours before bedtime, make sure you go to the bathroom right before bed, have dad wake him up during the night to go. Nothing is working because he doesn't care enough to keep up with it. He use to be embarassed by it and now he just doesn't care. He gets lazy about it and stops trying. I've even offered rewards...if you stay dry for a week I'll take you out to dinner at a place of your choice, etc.
I can't tell you how many times I've been sorting laundry and I stick my hand in wet smelly clothes and I about go through the roof. I spoke with him numerous times in private and told him that it wasn't pleasant for me to stick my hands in clothes that are full of urine and could he please try and keep them separate (but not obvious to everyone else) I put a small basket down with the rest of the baskets that I sort clothes into in the laundry room and asked him to put his wet clothes in there and then I would know and wouldn't get a nasty surprise and I can also wash them quicker so they don't sit and smell. He did it for a few days and then got lazy about it and I'm back to finding them as I sort.
I want to start buying pull ups for him again but dp said no. So I guess I'm supposed to just deal with this? Ugh.


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## mamatoni (Aug 2, 2007)

Maybe have him start washing his own sheets, blankets and bedtime clothes. He is old enough to do that and it might give him some incentive to work with some of the ideas you are considering as well as keep you from having to deal with it.

Good Luck!


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

I think he must still be embarrassed about it, even if he's acting like he isn't now. Honestly, I think the real problem is between you and your husband - your stepson can't stop himself from wetting at night, but your husband is the one refusing to allow any actions that would help the situation.

To allow a 12 year old boy to wet himself every night and end up with a drenched bed is not good parenting - it's cruel. Tell your husband that either he starts buying some sort of bladder control briefs (depending on your stepson's size pullups might not work, but there are similar items made for adults) or allows a trial of the medication, but things can't go on as they are. Your stepson may not admit that this is bothering him, but I can't imagine that it isn't... and I'll bet he'd be grateful to have a solution.

Dar


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

first of all i agree with Dar completely.

secondly it sounds like it could be anxiety related. Even if it didn't start that way it could be now esp. b/c of the way it is being handled. the current situation seems akin to rubbing a puppies nose in it when he has an accident in the house. cruel and not remotely productive.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamatoni* 
Maybe have him start washing his own sheets, blankets and bedtime clothes. He is old enough to do that and it might give him some incentive to work with some of the ideas you are considering as well as keep you from having to deal with it.

Good Luck!

i disagree with this btw. it is not like he is waking up and pees in the bed b/c he is to lazy to talk to the bathroom. Punishing him for this behavior ... which is essentially what this would be... is probably going to exacerbate the problem ... not to mention adding a whole new level of shame to the whole thing.

*if you're going to keep wetting the bed you can wash the sheets* i am fairly certain if he could stop wetting the bed he would.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 
I think he must still be embarrassed about it, even if he's acting like he isn't now. Honestly, I think the real problem is between you and your husband - your stepson can't stop himself from wetting at night, but your husband is the one refusing to allow any actions that would help the situation.

To allow a 12 year old boy to wet himself every night and end up with a drenched bed is not good parenting - it's cruel. Tell your husband that either he starts buying some sort of bladder control briefs (depending on your stepson's size pullups might not work, but there are similar items made for adults) or allows a trial of the medication, but things can't go on as they are. Your stepson may not admit that this is bothering him, but I can't imagine that it isn't... and I'll bet he'd be grateful to have a solution.

Dar

Dar is quite right. As a former bedwetter myself, I can ASSURE you that the bedwetting is NOT because your DSS is lazy or does not care. Really, think about it. Do you REALLY think he likes waking up in a wet bed every night because he "doesn't care"? Do you think having to avoid sleepovers and camping with friends is because he's "lazy"? Most of all, do you REALLY REALLY think that this bothers you more than it bothers your DSS? If you do think that, you have no understanding how this type of bedwetting affects the self esteem.

Things like avoiding drinking before bed, peeing before etc, simply don't work. Not because your DSS does not keep up with them. They just don't work. I am sure your DSS would be willing to do pretty much anything to stop this problem. Sure, teach him to do his own laundry, he'd probably prefer it to having to discuss this problem with you on a daily basis.

As Dar said, it is about time your DH got "off the pot" so to speak, and helps your son with this serious self esteem destroying problem.


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## Cherie2 (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
i disagree with this btw. it is not like he is waking up and pees in the bed b/c he is to lazy to talk to the bathroom. Punishing him for this behavior ... which is essentially what this would be... is probably going to exacerbate the problem ... not to mention adding a whole new level of shame to the whole thing.

*if you're going to keep wetting the bed you can wash the sheets* i am fairly certain if he could stop wetting the bed he would.

I was thinking about this too... but wondering if there was a way to do this without making it a punishment? I think there must be a way for the OP to stop having to wash the pee sheets. I don't know, I hate laundry and my kids have been doing their own since they could reach the dials. I am not sure there is a way to make this kind of change without making it seem like a punishment though.

Maybe DH ought to start doing the laundry?


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## quasar (Jan 12, 2008)

I totally agree with Dar and choli. I would probably also start looking into other resons than physical ones for why he is still doing this. It could be anxiety related or another psychological reason. Also, I would again look into at least trying the medication. It's not like he's doing it on purpose or that he enjoys waking up to a wet bed. Why deny your son a possible way out of the situation, when medication does exist to help it? Even if there's a placebo effect from the meds, it's worth a shot so that he can stop feeling embarrassed and upset by this. I'm sure he's not talking about it simply because it is embarrassing, and the way it's been dealt with in the past by his dad certainly doesn't sound very supportive to me.

As far as the washing the sheets goes, I would only make him do that if he's already doing his own laundry. Why punish him for something that he's already punishing himself for? Just seems cruel and completely unhelpful to me.


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## mamatoni (Aug 2, 2007)

Thanks for speaking up about my laundy suggestion, I didn't intend it as a punishment, but more as a way to have him help out and be involved in the process. I thought it might be less embarassing to him to clean it up himself, then nobody would have to know. If it were me, I would MUCH rather do a quick load of laundry and get the sheets back on my bed. It isn't a solution to the problem itself, but might help with the OP's frustration with the laundry aspect.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Dar* 
I think he must still be embarrassed about it, even if he's acting like he isn't now. Honestly, I think the real problem is between you and your husband - your stepson can't stop himself from wetting at night, but your husband is the one refusing to allow any actions that would help the situation.

To allow a 12 year old boy to wet himself every night and end up with a drenched bed is not good parenting - it's cruel. Tell your husband that either he starts buying some sort of bladder control briefs (depending on your stepson's size pullups might not work, but there are similar items made for adults) or allows a trial of the medication, but things can't go on as they are. Your stepson may not admit that this is bothering him, but I can't imagine that it isn't... and I'll bet he'd be grateful to have a solution.

Dar

I completely agree!

I wet the bed until i was about 13, it wasn't because i was lazy, or undisciplined, it just happened. Part of it was that i was a super duper heavy sleeper, and part was stress, and part was just genetics.

I think letting your ss sleep in wet sheets and in a wet bed is just awful, this is obviously something he can't help. If you knew that your 2 year old lo was going to we the bed would you leave them in wet sheets and pj's all night?

There are new studies showing that wetting the bed is a genetic disorder, and that it has to do with the production and development of certain hormones and brain development, and until those hormones develop there is nothing disciplinary that you can do about it.

If you are really all that concerned about it, maybe you could set an alarm and wake you SS throughout the night?


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## SAHDS (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
There are new studies showing that wetting the bed is a genetic disorder, and that it has to do with the *production and development of certain hormones* and brain development, and until those hormones develop there is nothing disciplinary that you can do about it.

Exactly.

I have the same problem w/ DS (he'll be 8 on Wednesday) and I refuse to give him the hormones (my ped. is amzing and has never offerec the drugs, her own son wet the bed until he was 13). I cut fluids from 6pm on. He goes potty right before bedtime. I take him at 12/1am and he is, usually, dry in the morning. He is still in Pull-ups (he' a tiny guy) and we don't make it a big deal (he has developmental delays and I don't want to add anything else that may hurt his self-esteem).

It's not easy, it is very tedious, but it is much better than constantly washing sheets and blankets. DH and I are hoping and praying for the day when he's completely dry. I know it's just a matter of time.

Talk to your DH


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## Monkeygrrl (Oct 9, 2005)

our 11yo daughter still wets the bed...

her first ped wanted us to just let her pee the bed and sleep in it...they said that it would teach her to wake up because she wouldnt want to be in the wet spot...the problem with that is that a) she moved to a different side of the bed and b) the ped didnt want to purchase a new mattress every time she would need one...we got a different ped...

we tried waking her up in the middle of the night...she sleeps very hard so not only was it almost impossible to get her awake enough to talk to the bathroom, but she would never remember that she did it and still would wake up in the morning with a wet bed...

so she is in pull-ups at night...she is responsible for making sure it gets to the trash...she is also responsible for washing her own bedding/clothing, but all of the older kids are responsible for their own stuff (each child has 2 days a week to do laundry)...

~~~~~

as for your dp not wanting the child to be in pull-ups, maybe your dp should be responsible for the washing of the bedding every day...maybe it will impact him more...i hated washing the same sheets every morning, taking the mattress outside in the sun, spraying it with febreeze, etc...it was one more thing on the list that i had to do, in my already busy day...maybe that will change his mind about it...

peace...


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Thank you all for responding, this is exactly what I'm looking for...different opinions from people and I appreciate all of the posts.

I want to start by clarifying that I do everything I can not to further embarass him, I know it's mortifying enough. Keep in mind that this has been an occurance since he stopped wearing pull ups at 10 so it's been 2-1/2 years of dealing with it. We don't talk about it all the time, in those 2 years I bet I've spoke with him about it half a dozen times...I'm totally not nit picking at him about it. The last time I said anything to him directly was probably 2months ago.

My frustration level reaches a max when I go out of my way to help him, and myself I might add, and I get no cooperation. Like the laundry basket for him so I don't have to randomly find urine drenched clothes as I'm sorting. It kills me that he simply won't do it. Or his wet blankets get thrown across the laundry and everything gets wet. It's just really inconsiderate and I think he's so use to it that it really doesn't bother him anymore. I know, I'm sure he is shamed about it but his actions sure don't speak it to me! Aside from the fact that he can be a real butt-head about things (he's a 12 yr old, it goes with the territory) but when he wets his favorite sheets and I don't wash them that very day (I have 3 sets of sheets for him in case I can't get to his sheets, clothes come first) I get the attitude.
I would like his dad to step up and help the situation and I feel as though my hands are tied because he is like talking to a wall when it comes to this.

Btw, he has sleep overs and he doesn't wet. Figure that one out.

I am cutting this response short because I have to pick up my dd but I'll respond more tomorrow. I may not have responded to everything but I will tomorrow.

Thanks again everyone!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i doubt its that he in inconsiderate. I bet that he is completely avoiding the issue. Putting his wet sheets in their own little basket just makes it glaringly obvious that he wet the bed. I am not saying it is unreasonable to ask... just that he may not be being inconsiderate when he doesn't do it.

o and by the way. everything in the above post makes me think he has some non physical issues. the avoidance of the issue and the attitude etc. the attitude alone may be normal but paired with the bed wetting and the shame etc.. i would say it may not be normal.

him wetting at home but not at sleep overs concerns me. does he wet when he is at his moms house?


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## mimim (Nov 2, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JaysMama* 

Btw, he has sleep overs and he doesn't wet. Figure that one out.

I bet he doesn't go to sleep. My stbx wet his bed until his teen years and he's told me this is what he used to do at sleepovers.

And his family made a big issue out of the wetting. He still has big resentment and shame about the whole thing. I hope you continue to reexamine your handling of the situation.


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## PikkuMyy (Mar 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot* 
I think letting your ss sleep in wet sheets and in a wet bed is just awful, this is obviously something he can't help. If you knew that your 2 year old lo was going to we the bed would you leave them in wet sheets and pj's all night?

Jaysmama never said anything about doing this!?!?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim* 
I bet he doesn't go to sleep. My stbx wet his bed until his teen years and he's told me this is what he used to do at sleepovers.

And his family made a big issue out of the wetting. He still has big resentment and shame about the whole thing. I hope you continue to reexamine your handling of the situation.

I'm confused. It seems like she is handling it quite well. She's only spoken to him about it 6 times in 2 1/2 years? That's not very often for a daily occurrence.

The root problem, the bed wetting, is something that will get better over time or with meds. The current problem has two parts:

1. Husband refuses to seek treatment for son and is relying on a method "hoping he'll get tired of waking up wet and stop" that clearly failed more than 2 years ago. Husband does not have to deal with ramifications of the bedwetting - the bedclothes and the son's attitude about them.

2. The son refuses to do what would make the laundry situation much easier for the mom. At 12 I washed the clothes very often. It may be embarrassing but given that his bedclothes are wet EVERY morning it's not like putting them in with the other clothes hides the fact. Furthermore, he is being rude to her when SHE hasn't washed his bedclothes right away even though there are other sheets and she had other things to wash.

Sounds like the husband needs a swift kick in the butt to get him dealing with the issue ( he needs to read about the issue with bedwetting in older children), and the son needs to know that if he wants his favorite sheets the night after wetting them, he'll need to wash them himself. There are other clean sheets so there's no need for them to be washed immediately.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i think the biggest issue here is that they are not actively doing anything to help. at 12 yrs old its not about drinking late at night or w/e. there is something else going on either physical or emotional and acting like the kid could stop wetting the bed if he wanted to is completely unproductive.

i also don't think only talking about it a few times in the last 2 yrs is a good thing! obviously something is not right why is not discussing it a good thing? why is not seeking some kind of solution a good thing? i also think the father no longer allowing the child to sleep in pull ups is pretty cruel too. they know he is wetting the bed every night it was his father who 'stopped' the pull ups he should be the one to wash the sheets.

OP- not to be harsh but your DP is being a huge jerk to his son and to you in regards to this situation. he needs to get over himself and do what is best for his son.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

As a former bed wetter I agree with Dar

Your dh is wrong about his views and not allowing overnight protection or medicine. Niether one of you are putting yourself in your step-sons shoes.

As much extra work it is for you how do would you feel if you keep trying to not wet and you can't stop. It is very hard place. And you feel like ahuge failure when you can't meet expecations of the adults in your life.

I would also go talk to another doctor. 3 years has past time to revisit the situation. Also refraining for drinks at night doesn't work. Eliminating caffine does, especially at night. Watching food coloring does. Dr. Sears has a page on bed wetting. It is really good.

I would also gently show your step son, with no embarrassment how to wash his own sheets/bedding. "I know your embarrassed but so you have more control this is how you clean up after it."


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

I did not read through all the responses but I wanted to say that at 12 he can wash all his own laundry. It is not a punishment.

He may or may not outgrow bedwetting.
There may or may not be a physical problem.
It may or may not go away when puberty hits hard.
Medication may or may not help.

The sheets have to be washed and he is old enough. It even gives him some privacy and control over the issue to handle the results himself. He can even do it politely, ie when nobody is in the shower needing the water pressure. He can learn this in about 2 minutes.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommajb* 
I did not read through all the responses but I wanted to say that at 12 he can wash all his own laundry. It is not a punishment.

He may or may not outgrow bedwetting.
There may or may not be a physical problem.
It may or may not go away when puberty hits hard.
Medication may or may not help.

The sheets have to be washed and he is old enough. It even gives him some privacy and control over the issue to handle the results himself. He can even do it politely, ie when nobody is in the shower needing the water pressure. He can learn this in about 2 minutes.

why is him doing the laundry the main concern. he may or may not grow out grow bed wetting? yeah he may not if his care givers are more concerned with who does the laundry then getting their kid the help he obviously needs.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

I find it completely bizarre that who is doing the laundry is the priority. no one in this child's life is doing anything to help him fix this problem. HE should be the priority HE is the one who is suffering. Yeah I agree doing that laundry would suck but it sucks way less then what he your step son is going through. you need to set your DH strait and get him to step up and do something to help his son. In the meantime he can wash the sheets.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
As a former bed wetter I agree with Dar

Your dh is wrong about his views and not allowing overnight protection or medicine. Niether one of you are putting yourself in your step-sons shoes.

As much extra work it is for you how do would you feel if you keep trying to not wet and you can't stop. It is very hard place. And you feel like ahuge failure when you can't meet expecations of the adults in your life.

I would also go talk to another doctor. 3 years has past time to revisit the situation. Also refraining for drinks at night doesn't work. Eliminating caffine does, especially at night. Watching food coloring does. Dr. Sears has a page on bed wetting. It is really good.

I would also gently show your step son, with no embarrassment how to wash his own sheets/bedding. "I know your embarrassed but so you have more control this is how you clean up after it."

this is a what needs to be done. though i still think they should offer to let the child wear pull ups again.


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## midnightmommy (Apr 14, 2008)

My DH was a bed wetter. Not for as long as your DSS. I think he was six or so. His parents had been trying everything. He slept through the alarms and waking him up to go didn't work either. The doctor suggested the meds, but his parents did not want to do it. Finally, DH walked up to his parents and said "I want to stop wetting the bed. I want to take the medicine." That was enough to convince them to try it. If it was bad enough for him to go straight to his dad and ask for the meds would that help? They worked BTW. I'm not a big fan of medication, but to save a kid from something so embarrassing at that age I think it's worth a shot.

DH used to get up and wash his own sheets too. Not because his parents made him, but because it gave him some control over the situation. He couldn't stop himself from wetting the bed, but he could be in charge of his own hygiene. When he woke up in the middle of the night he would throw them in the washer and start it. His mom would put them in the dryer in the morning.

I personally wouldn't mind washing icky sheets for my son, but yours is twelve. At twelve I did all my own wash anyway. He can follow the rules about where to put his wet sheets. Your not asking him to parade them down the street. It's not too much to ask him throw them is a separate pile. Also, if my son had a problem with me not washing things on his time frame at twelve he would be getting a tutorial on how the washer and dryer works.


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

I never meant to imply that the bedwetting should not be addressed by the caregivers. Bedwetting affects the whole family, especially if it is not handled gently and kindly by everyone. I feel for the woman dealing with wet stinky laundry all the time.

There is a bit of family history for me. My grandma wet the bed on her wedding night. My son outgrew it later than some; my oldest and youngest daughter are still working on it. We are currently waiting for puberty here with no known physical cause, not even a history of uti. The meds caused side effects that were disturbing to us. We offer protection that is refused as not all older (or younger) children are willing to wear them even if the parent thinks there is a need.

I did mention that handling one's own bodily functions may provide some privacy/self-respect.


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

One thing the doctor might not have done is a sleep study.... sleep apnea can cause bed wetting. Also be aware of contipation causing it.


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Marsupialmom* 
One thing the doctor might not have done is a sleep study.... sleep apnea can cause bed wetting. Also be aware of contipation causing it.

Oh, that's interesting! His dad has sleep apnea, I didn't realize children could suffer from it as well. Seems to me if he's sleeping deep and can't wake up to go to the bathroom it very well could go hand in hand with sleep apnea. Something to bring up to dr. Thank you for that!


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *midnightmommy* 
My DH was a bed wetter. Not for as long as your DSS. I think he was six or so. His parents had been trying everything. He slept through the alarms and waking him up to go didn't work either. The doctor suggested the meds, but his parents did not want to do it. Finally, DH walked up to his parents and said "I want to stop wetting the bed. I want to take the medicine." That was enough to convince them to try it. If it was bad enough for him to go straight to his dad and ask for the meds would that help? They worked BTW. I'm not a big fan of medication, but to save a kid from something so embarrassing at that age I think it's worth a shot.

DH used to get up and wash his own sheets too. Not because his parents made him, but because it gave him some control over the situation. He couldn't stop himself from wetting the bed, but he could be in charge of his own hygiene. When he woke up in the middle of the night he would throw them in the washer and start it. His mom would put them in the dryer in the morning.

I personally wouldn't mind washing icky sheets for my son, but yours is twelve. At twelve I did all my own wash anyway. He can follow the rules about where to put his wet sheets. Your not asking him to parade them down the street. It's not too much to ask him throw them is a separate pile. Also, if my son had a problem with me not washing things on his time frame at twelve he would be getting a tutorial on how the washer and dryer works.


I don't mind washing them, I just mind getting surprised by them mixed in with the other laundry.
I think he's old enough as well to follow instructions about where to put them and you're right, I'm not asking him to parade them, I'm simply asking for them to be set aside so I can 1) make them a priority to wash and 2) avoid getting a nasty surprise.


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *1littlebit* 
I find it completely bizarre that who is doing the laundry is the priority. no one in this child's life is doing anything to help him fix this problem. HE should be the priority HE is the one who is suffering. Yeah I agree doing that laundry would suck but it sucks way less then what he your step son is going through. you need to set your DH strait and get him to step up and do something to help his son. In the meantime he can wash the sheets.

Nah, who's doing the laundry isn't the priority at all here and I don't think the other posters are insinuating that it is. There's a couple issues at play here, one being how to help him stop wetting and two how to deal with it while he's still wetting (that's where the laundry comes in). It's not just about me and the laundry but that is part of it and I really appreciate the suggestions that people are making to help me deal with that aspect of it.
HE IS the priority and I AM trying to help him fix this problem. That's why I came here and posted so I could get suggestions from people who have been there done that and so I could deal with this in a healthy manner and not create more issues for him. His mom IS trying to help him, that's why he's been to the dr for this issue. His dad...well, he's trying to help but he's going about it the wrong way and in reality creating more issues.


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

tinyblackdot said:


> I completely agree!
> 
> I wet the bed until i was about 13, it wasn't because i was lazy, or undisciplined, it just happened. Part of it was that i was a super duper heavy sleeper, and part was stress, and part was just genetics.
> 
> ...


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mimim* 
I bet he doesn't go to sleep. My stbx wet his bed until his teen years and he's told me this is what he used to do at sleepovers.

And his family made a big issue out of the wetting. He still has big resentment and shame about the whole thing. I hope you continue to reexamine your handling of the situation.

You might be right, maybe he doesn't sleep, but I think he does somewhat because I've called him the next morning while he's there and the parent will say they're still sleeping because they were up late. Could be he's just aware and not fully in a deep restful sleep.
I hope we aren't making a big deal of it to him. I don't want him to grow up feeling resentful and ashamed. Ideally of course, I'd like him to be able to stop and meanwhile until he does I'd like to be able to handle the situation right. I don't think I'm too far off in how I'm handling it, his father is way off in my opinion because he ignores it, but I think I go to him respectfully and without shaming him. I do have to speak to him about it, I can't simply ignore it because it's there and it happens and it does have to be dealt with otherwise it's the big elephant in the room that no one talks about. I talk to him like it's no big deal but I haven't had an in depth talk with him in quite awhile. EX. Hey, what do we need to do to stop this, let's brainstorm some ideas. When I talk to him on a normal in passing (meaning not in depth) it's more like I'm starting a load of wash and he walks in with his stuff and I say 'Hey bud, why don't you put those here so I can wash them next, I can't see them when you throw your hamper on top of them and we don't want them to sit because they'll have an odor and no one else needs to know your business when they walk by the laundry room.' He understands what I'm saying without me being all blunt...hey this is gonna stink! But at the same time I don't want to ignore it because I want him to be open because I don't want him to be ashamed!
The whole thing is frustrating because I don't want to make it worse and I feel like ignoring it cements it for him that he 'should' be ashamed of himself.


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *PikkuMyy* 
Jaysmama never said anything about doing this!?!?

I'm confused. It seems like she is handling it quite well. She's only spoken to him about it 6 times in 2 1/2 years? That's not very often for a daily occurrence.

The root problem, the bed wetting, is something that will get better over time or with meds. The current problem has two parts:

1. Husband refuses to seek treatment for son and is relying on a method "hoping he'll get tired of waking up wet and stop" that clearly failed more than 2 years ago. Husband does not have to deal with ramifications of the bedwetting - the bedclothes and the son's attitude about them.

2. The son refuses to do what would make the laundry situation much easier for the mom. At 12 I washed the clothes very often. It may be embarrassing but given that his bedclothes are wet EVERY morning it's not like putting them in with the other clothes hides the fact. Furthermore, he is being rude to her when SHE hasn't washed his bedclothes right away even though there are other sheets and she had other things to wash.

Sounds like the husband needs a swift kick in the butt to get him dealing with the issue ( he needs to read about the issue with bedwetting in older children), and the son needs to know that if he wants his favorite sheets the night after wetting them, he'll need to wash them himself. There are other clean sheets so there's no need for them to be washed immediately.


YES! You totally get where I'm coming from! Thank you!


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

i don't know if you could ask him this or not...its sort of embarrassing but during the day does he *feel* like he has to pee in a gradual way... like a little bit and then gets progressively worse until you pee....or does he not feel it until he has to pee RIGHT THIS SECOND!!!!! ? B/c maybe if its the latter he just goes to the BR as quickly as possible during the day but at night by the time he is awake enough to *feel* the urge... he has already gone.

Does he wet the bed at his mom's house? does he do the same thing with the sheets if he does? is there something special about his favorite sheets that make them his favorite? maybe if you could get him an extra set you wouldnt have to try and wash those every day. If you do get him start washing his sheets i would really include all of his laundry yk? just b/c even if he knows its b/c of the sheets its not so blatantly obvious. maybe also ask him if he wants pull ups again. if that makes the wetting the bed less shameful for him tell your dh to get over it. yk?

is this an every night without fail kind of occurrence? My little brother wet the bed until he was 12 or 13 i think. His was anxiety related... and a few months with on paxil plus a really great psychologist he hasn't wet the bed in years! which is good b/c he's a freshman in college. Does he have nightmares or noticeable fears? my brother did the nightmare thing for awhile.. and HATED being home alone.. and going in the basement alone.







it started when we moved from the house we had lived since he was born so i think that had something to do with it.

you agree his dad is going about this the wrong way. you said his mom is trying to help. Do you have a good relationship with her? does dh? If so will he listen to her about how to deal with this? Maybe you and her can talk and come up with a plan of how to start helping SS. Then you can tell your DH about it.. and she can tell him about it.. and if he's getting it from both sides it might click














like i said above if SS wants pull ups again this would also be a good way to get dh on board.. or at the very least get him to deal with it b/c its best for his son.

have you asked him why is so opposed to the medication (or any other option?) did he wet the bed growing up? (can you ask his mother? lol) I think he might not know how to help his son and he is worried that something is seriously wrong. It is easier for him to ignore the whole problem and hope it goes away (which i realize is not the best method... but some people totally shut down when they feel helpless) but this is at the expense of you and your SS. Your SS won't be getting the help he needs.. and you end up with the extra work.. not to mention the burden of trying to help your SS which you can't really do without DHs help. That part sort of irks me. you shouldn't have to try and come up with ways to help your SS inspite of his father yk?


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

JaysMama said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *tinyblackdot*
> ...


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

If you think that you can be calmer about this issue if you don't have to do the laundry then I think you should have him do all of his laundry and address this as an issue of him being able to do all of his laundry on his own now because he is twelve. If you have addressed the bedding being wet in the general laundry lately then wait a while before you do this though. I think you should get him a basket to put all of his laundry in and teach him how to use the washer and dryer without addressing the issue of the bedding.

Hopefully you also have brought him to the doctors to rule out physical problems like growths inside of him pressing on his bladder and such. An ultrasound and some routine tests are great for ruling out internal problems such as growths, diabetes, cancer, etc...


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

I agree that you should def. have him do all of his clothes.. not just his sheets... this will be hard though since he will have to wash sheets at least ever other day or his room (or w/e he leaves his laundry) is going to stink to high heaven.

if you teach him how to do the laundry he might be grateful that he can wash his wet sheets without anyone knowing....


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I think if you do have him start doing his own laundry, it needs to be handled very carefully and as a totally separate issue to the wetting.

I have to say though that I think you could be setting yourself up for more conflict if you do that. I imagine myself at that age - I would absolutely get it that the reason I was being told to do my own laundry was because of the wetting. I'd feel embarrassed and angry. And I'd direct that anger at someone. Probably at you.

I think if you go that route you may well find yourself in a bigger mess. And it won't do more than ease your irritation. It won't help him stop wetting.

I also think if you put him back in special underwear you will cause all sorts of embarrassment and resentment again. I absolutely would not do that.

I'd get a second medical opinion and explore all sorts of options. Natural remedies? Homeopathy? Talking to a counsellor to see if there is an underlying issue? Hypnosis? I'm throwing out these ideas, but that's what I'd be doing. Looking for any sort of answer from somewhere. And I'd share that with ds. I'd tell him that you feel for him, it must be embarrassing, and that you want to solve the problem. That you don't know the answer, but will explore all the different options. And no way would I mention the smell, the laundry, or the inconvenience.

As an aside, I recall at that age my mother giving me a 'special' bin of my own for used sanitary products. I was supposed to tell her when it was full. I was mortified, embarrassed, and horrified. I will never forget it. I never, ever told her to empty it, no matter how many times she 'mentioned' it to me. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that it felt that she was invading my privacy and embarrassing me. And that was for normal menstruation, not for something that shouldn't happen like bed wetting! Now, we had a difficult relationship, so that played into it. But no matter how well meaning your separate laundry basket may seem to you, at this age a lot of kids are really sensitive, and even though he might act as if he doesn't care, I am quite sure that he does.


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## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

*Jaysmama*

My son is almost 12. He just now has stopped wetting every night.. we have gone a whole month now.

Fleece is your friend, as is a water proof mattress cover. Fleece washes and drys so quickly, that the laundry load is significantly smaller.

Also, I bought 7 of the Drypers that were advertised on the forum. THE ARE AMAZING. They are a bit like fuzzi bunz with a boxer cover. They let my son know when he was wetting, but most of the urine stayed inside the underwear.

Before the drypers.. I tried EVERYTHING, including the hormone, the wet stop buzzer (what a waste of $$..ended up free cycling it)

I am sure that the development of fuzz all over my son's body has a lot to do with the stopping, but he is dry now.

I also know that he was getting TONS of crap about it at his father's house. Here.. he only got into trouble for leaving his wet stuff in common areas or not telling me what was going on so I could help him deal with it. It was not really "trouble" so much as a conversation about responsibilities.

In the end, we were limiting fluids after 7pm, and waking him around 11:30pm to go. (before I drifted asleep) Isaac was/is a super heavy sleeper... always has been. I now hear him get up on his own between 11 and midnight... so I think that the getting him up... and training him to listen to his body helped. But like I said before.. he is getting fuzzier, so I am sure puberty is kicking in.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

There are 2 aspects here: the medical issue of bedwetting, and the behavioral issue of "what do you do with the wet stuff." These 2 issues need to be handled separately.

Bedwetting is often caused or worsened by food allergies or sensitivities- that's honestly the first approach I'd take in a child wetting the bed past the age of 4 or 5. ITA with your DP to avoid medications- but I woudln't leave it "untreated" either. Unfortuntatly, as the stepmom, I'm not sure you have much control over this aspect.

However, as the "person taking care of the child during the day" and "person doing the laundry" you have every right to make house rules regarding the placement of wet laundry. He may not have control over bedwetting, but he DOES have control over dumping wet sheets and pajamas into the hamper. I'd have a frank talk with DSS- "The wet sheets and blankets are a problem for me. Let's brainstorm possible solutions"- ideas would be for him to leave the wet stuff on the bed for you to strip and wash, a separate place specifically for wet things (in his bedroom maybe, rather than the laundry room?) , he could wash his own stuff so it's clean when he wants it, or to put him back into some sort of diaper at night.

I really think that a 12yo is old enough to take some responsibility for keeping his sheets clean and dry- he might actually prefer to wear protective underwear rather than deal with his favorite sheets being wet all the time. I don't understand why his FATHER decided to stop buying him pull-ups- it should have been the child's choice, not the parent's, by age 10. I don't know how large your DSS is, but diapers do come in a variety of sizes- Goodnights for "big kids" and then Depends (and lots of store brands) in adult sizes if he's outgrown the Goodnights. Plus there are cloth options as well, in every size from preemie to plus-sized adult.


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## chiromamma (Feb 24, 2003)

DH and I have seen bedwetting stop after chiropractic adjustments to the sacrum many many times. Often, we didn't know the child was wetting the bed and the parent would tell us at follow up visits, Oh, BTW s/he stopped wetting the bed.
So in addition to what Dar said, perhaps some chiropractic or cranio sacral work would help.


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

tinyblackdot said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *JaysMama*
> ...


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## JaysMama (May 29, 2005)

I started to reply to everyone but I think I'll just update you all and tell you what's going on.
I've been reading through everyones replies and took pieces of everything and went for it...
I spoke with dss last night and we had a really nice conversation about it. Once I brought it up he jumped at talking. I brought it to him as 'bud, I think you should have some say and choices about this matter' and he just lit up. I didn't realize before how helpless he was feeling.
He told me about his feelings, mostly humiliation and he's very frustrated, and he also told me that his sister (15) is being really rotten about it when no one else can hear what she's saying. That was news and I'm putting my foot down quick with that one.
So I told him the overall thing was to make sure he was ok physically and if it was then it was just a matter of growing out of it. Reassured him that lots of people go through this, told him a couple of stories from here that you all have shared. He giggled about your grandma mommajb (think he was grateful to hear about an adult) and gave a sigh of relief about your son boobybunny, he's not the only 12 year old on the planet.
He balked at going to the doctor for a full work up, he said he would feel invaded and no way is anyone going near him. (You should have seen him for his sports physical, I thought the poor kid was going to have a stroke before we ever got into the room, he does not like his private space invaded AT ALL) So I think I may have to find out EXACTLY what they will do and then he can get an idea.
I told him meanwhile he needed to make the choice of what he wanted to do to make himself feel better. I brought up pullups or the adult version (he was interested but hesitant at the same time) I said that no one needed to know and we could make a spot in my room in my drawer so none of his friends would see them or anyone in the family (like if they were in the hall closet) I would keep it full so he'd never have to ask for more and we would figure out how to dispose of them with no one (mainly his sister) knowing. If he wanted to tell his dad we could and I would deal with him and if he wanted it to be private then that was ok too. We went to the store and checked them out last night and he seemed real keen on these pads that you lay on because they'd keep his sheets dry and if he went he wouldn't have to get up and strip off a pull up. He's thinking about those right now.
He said he's been wanting the buzzer that wakes him up. I didn't know that, I guess he told his dad. I told him after Xmas we could check get it for sure if he wanted to try it out.
He said the reason he doesn't have issues at friends is because he doesn't drink AT All after 6pm and then he asked me if I could make dinner earlier so he could start doing it at home. We normally eat about 6:30 or so. I felt awesome about that because it was something I could do for him. I told him it'd be a lot of crock pot dinners since I get off work and home by 5:30 and he was excited.
He does wet at his moms but she's started waking him up 2 to 3 times during the night and he was upset because the dr told him that was the worst thing to do. Gotta look into that, not sure why it would be so bad for him other than not getting good sleep.
I want to tell you guys more but I'm at work and duty calls lol!


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## Dar (Apr 12, 2002)

Great job, mama! It sounds like you have a really good relationship with him.









Dar


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

Wow! I am impressed at all you were able to discuss. Thank you for the update. I like these little talks because it helps me evaluate how we are doing at handling things. There is always room for improvement. (My own update: I need to calm down, expect the wet sheets, and not be frustrated when they present themselves. I can do this if she can bring them down in the morning and not at bedtime.)


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## boobybunny (Jun 28, 2005)

The only time I ever got frustrated was when Isaac "forgot" and left the sheets undone until right before bedtime.

I am so glad you talked to him. We have found that the more open we are about this, the better.

Hugs to you and your son.

Amy


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## *LoveBugMama* (Aug 2, 2003)

What a great update! I think you are handling this really well.









I wet the bed until I was 12. For me it had everything to do with an extremely violent stepdad. I was so scared, so helpless and so traumatized that, when I finally fell asleep at night, I wet the bed almost every night. The minute we moved away from him, it stopped. Didn`t wet the bed once after that.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JaysMama* 
He does wet at his moms but she's started waking him up 2 to 3 times during the night and he was upset because the dr told him that was the worst thing to do. Gotta look into that, not sure why it would be so bad for him other than not getting good sleep.


I THINK this is because the bladder needs to be able to hold a certain amount of urine, and when you help them pee several times every night, you make the bladder expect to be emptied when it is not full at all. Or something like that.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Even if he's not washing his wet bedding, he can help with laundry. He can certainly put it in the washer every morning.

When my dd went through a short bedwetting stage, I put a crib mattress pad on top of the bedding, then put another set of bedding on that. That way, all she had to do was climb out, pull the first set off and change her jammies. *She was younger, and I was having to get up to remake her bed*

I agree, there is nothing wrong with those nightime underwear things. That's why they make them for great big kids. They also have a nice selection in the adult section. So, obviously, this is a fairly common problem. Huggies is making lots of money off of this, so your stepson isn't the only 12 yr old who still wets the bed.

I personally think it's not a big deal. But, your husband does, and his opinion is important too. But, if it makes you feel any better, I agree with you.

ETA.. I didn't read page three before answering. Sorry.


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## 1littlebit (Jun 1, 2008)

yay! its sweet that he was so ready to talk. good for you!! i bet you just helped take a huge load off of his mind!!!


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## Marsupialmom (Sep 28, 2003)

Warning about with holding drinks.....it is call constipation and dehydration (especially in the summer).

Constipation can make bed wetting worse because the pressure from the bm can mess with bladder signals.


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## almostmommy (Sep 7, 2007)

My DSD also wets the bed. She is almost 8. At her mom's she takes a prescription pill to prevent it, but her mom doesn't send it with her to our house (EOW), so DSD wears GoodNites (pullups for big kids) here. I had to basically force my DH to use them and get him to convince her to use them. The clincher was that she was wetting the bed when we would visit my parents or go somewhere overnight and that is just not fair to whomever we are visiting. DSD doesn't have a problem wearing them now, nobody outside of her, DH, her mother and I know that she has them, and I am glad that she uses them, because she wets every single night without the medication.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

My stepson wet the bed as well. The buzzer helped him and ditto the doc's advice not to wake him up during the night. Basically what CrunchyTamara posted: his bladder has to relearn to wait, he has to "stretch" the bladder.

Big hugs! You seem like you are really helping him out in a way that empowers him


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## vancouverlori (Sep 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JaysMama* 
He balked at going to the doctor for a full work up, he said he would feel invaded and no way is anyone going near him. (You should have seen him for his sports physical, I thought the poor kid was going to have a stroke before we ever got into the room, he does not like his private space invaded AT ALL)

Aahhh, this hints that perhaps anxiety is involved! Probably not the sole cause, but involved.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
My stepson wet the bed as well. The buzzer helped him and ditto the doc's advice not to wake him up during the night. Basically what CrunchyTamara posted: his bladder has to relearn to wait, he has to "stretch" the bladder.

There's a lot more to it than that. And that's where puberty comes in. There is a really important hormone called vasopressin or anti-diuretic hormone (ADH), which is made by the pituitary gland. It is what makes the kidneys make urine concentrated. If there is not enough, then the urine will be less concentrated, and therefore there will be more of it. The bladder can only stretch so far...

As a former bedwetter, I can definitely attest to the fact that it's not laziness at all. I would have gotten up if I could only wake up in time! It happened at least a couple of times a week until I was about 9. And now that someone has mentioned it, that's when I started to get a little "fuzzy" too... I did wet the bed occasionally after that. The second-to-last time, I was 14. And the last time... I was 23, married, and with a 3-yo dd! I usually had this dream that I sat on the toilet and then wondered why it was overflowing, and *then* I'd wake up all wet. At one point, my 18-yo cousin was staying with us for a few months, in the lower bunk, and we often had to both sleep on the floor!







I HATED waking up wet. And I wished and wished and wished that they made diapers in my size. But I can live with every 10 years. Oh dear, I'm overdue! :LOL

It sounds like you're really doing well, with that discussion with your DSS, JaysMama. For 12, he sounds like a great kid! If he ends up choosing adult disposables, you may want to avoid Depends. According to the elderly incontinent patients at the pharmacy I used to work at, they're not very good. Tena are preferred around here.

And it would probably help your DSS if you and his mom were on the same page with all this. Having things the same in both places will help, especially if anxiety is involved. Have you tried having a meeting with her? With or without your DP, and preferably with your DSS.

*Almostmommy* - why is your DSD's mom not sending her meds over??? I mean, if you're ok with that, and your DSD is ok with that, then whatever, but if you/DSD would rather have the meds, talk to DSD's mom. If she won't send them, ask her to tell you the name of the pharmacy so you can make arrangements to have some at your place too (it's common for families to ask for 2 bottles of meds for many reasons). If there are refills, and the pharmacy is out of your way, contact a pharmacy near you, explain the situation and ask them to transfer the prescription.


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## vancouverlori (Sep 5, 2003)

Oh yeah, and I second the recommendation to investigate for food allergies. I'm pretty sure now that I was allergic to dairy all through my childhood, and that this contributed to my bedwetting. At a certain point, the body will develop to a point where it can overcome that (or you lose the taste for the problem food and stop eating it, or you outgrow the allergy). But it's sometimes worth investigating.

Bedwetting is definitely one of the signs that DS is having a bad "allergic" reaction, and is also accompanied by worsening eczema and outrageous "stuck" behaviour. In DS's case, citrus and eggs have been the worst culprits, even if only via breastmilk, way back when... Dairy is a common culprit too.

No one really knows why allergies and bedwetting are connected. It may be that allergies often cause constipation, which interferes with proper bladder sensation, or the allergic reaction on its own does so. I just know that when he'd had eggs or citrus, he would pee while fast asleep, which those of us who practice EC know is rare (and didn't happen otherwise). Normally the brain and body rouse to pee, even in newborns.


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KaraBoo* 
My stepson wet the bed as well. The buzzer helped him and ditto the doc's advice not to wake him up during the night. Basically what CrunchyTamara posted: his bladder has to relearn to wait, he has to "stretch" the bladder.

Big hugs! You seem like you are really helping him out in a way that empowers him









I had one of those things, and other than it being a horribly traumatic and embarrassing part of my childhood, also all it really did was scare the living day lights out of me so that i for sure wet the bed. I know that for me, it wasn't like i just peed in the bed because i kinda had to go, it was because I HAD to pee! If you where seriously about to wet your pant because you had to pee so badly and you started peeing a little, could you stop midstream? Well i certainly couldn't. I personally think those things are a waste of money. But maybe it just depends on your child's circumstances.


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## KaraBoo (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience with the buzzer. Out of all the things offered to him, my stepson chose the buzzer and it worked for him.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

My almost-17yo DS wet the bed until he was in his teens. We tried everything except the alarm. We did the waking up in the middle of the night to take him potty, dietary changes, limited drinks before bed (which I always thought was sort of cruel, tbh). He wore pull-ups, which he often soaked through. Yes, he slept in wet sheets all night on many nights, because he wet through the pull-ups often. We found out at some point that he was wetting more than just once per night. He might wet at 1am, change into dry clothing, and wet again at 5am.

The only reason we didn't bother with the alarm is because you could drop a brick on his head and it wouldn't wake him up. I highly doubted a little buzzer would wake him.

We tried the hormone spray when he was ten or so, and it did nothing. In addition to the bedwetting, he had behavioral problems. He'd been labeled ADD/ODD many years before.

At age 13 it was finally determined that he had sleep apnea. He's thin, doesn't snore, and didn't have terribly enlarged tonsilar tissue. Not a likely candidate for sleep apnea. Anyway, the doctors and I discussed the pros and cons of wearing a CPAP vs. having his tonsils and adenoids removed. The doctor said surgery "might" work, but he couldn't be sure. My son chose the surgery because he really didn't want to deal with a machine on his head for the rest of his life if he could help it.

Anyway, no more bedwetting. Good sleep made for better concentration and less irritability/hostility. So, no more (perceived) ADD/ODD. It was very frustrating for me, because I had suspected for a few years that he might have sleep troubles. It runs in our family and he's always had strange sleep patterns, bouts of insomnia, occasional RLS, etc. Nobody would listen to me or accept him/refer him for a sleep study. They kept telling me that "people with ADD often have sleep problems." I couldn't get them to understand that people who are sleep deprived look like they have ADD!

As for the laundry issue....he was stripping his bed at age 6, washing his bedding/jammies at age 8, and remaking his bed at age 9. It wasn't a punishment. We never scolded him or shamed him for wetting. I didn't see it as any different from taking out the garbage, unloading the dishwasher, or any other daily household chore.


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

(I'm copying what I wrote in a similar thread)

A plug for bed wetting alarms:

My DS wet the bed every single night for over seven years. We had also tried almost every method to no avail. He wanted to go camping without worrying about wetting his sleeping bag, etc. I wanted to stop buying Goodnights. So I invested in a bed wetting alarm. It was not cheap, but worth every penny. He picked out the color he wanted. The first week he wore it attached to his underpants, but with a Goodnight on top so sheet changing wasn't necessary when it did go off. Also, I offered to sleep in his room in case the alarm freaked him out (it didn't - it just woke him up and he went to the bathroom, then changed his underpants and went back to bed by himself). Within two weeks, he was sleeping through the night accident free. It was one of the best investment I have made. If your DC is open to the idea, I definitely recommend trying one.

Here's the one we bought:
http://bedwettingstore.com/Bedwettin...ting_alarm.htm (the Malem Ultimate from the Bedwetting Store).

Good luck.


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## corrio (Jul 11, 2005)

I work with seniors and we use soaker pads on the beds..

Like this
http://www.amazon.com/Soaker-Mattress-Pad/dp/B0001YIB1A

It helps so much with the amout of laundry..


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## AuntRayRay (Aug 18, 2004)

I haven't read all the posts yet, but I have a 12 yr old son who pees the bed most nights and its very frustrating. I have diapers that our insurance pays for, but he will constantly forget to put one on or forget to sleep on a waterproof pad (as he's too old for me to physically put one on him ) and we've gone through numerous mattresses through the years. I think there are a few factors, genetics, he's a deep sleeper, and food sensitivies. I think there's a few things that if he eats it guarentees a wet bed and even he will admit it sometimes, but will refuse to stay away from the items: such as he will drink distilled vinegar with spices alot of it and that seems to affect him. My son is already on heart med's twice a day so I really don't like to use any more pres. med's on him (such as the bedwetting one suggested by dr). I always wonder if the bedwetting alarm thing works..anyone have experience with that? Maybe that could help your son? good luck and I feel for all those with this problem.


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## kneedeepnkidz (Jul 24, 2006)

One of my boys still wets the bed, we have tried medicine (DDVAP) which is also prescribed to diabetics, tried waking him up, taken him to a uruologist, read countless books and resources, and most say he will simply grow out of it. I worry about it mostly becuase of the emotional toll and the self-esteem issue. He does help wash his clothes and his bed sheets, but it is not punitive. It is just part of his responsiblity.

He also stays dry at sleep overs, but a lot of times it is because he stays up all night. When he does sleep, I imagine he doesn't sleep as soundly as he does at home. I think his main problem is that he doesn't wake up. When he is out, he is completely out. His bladder may also not be fully developed.

Not a lot of help-but just be patient. He will grow out of it.


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## panamama (Dec 2, 2006)

i just wanted to offer one of the most awesome suggestions i've ever heard to those of you with bed-wetters. this was originally suggested for babies/cribs and diaper leak issues, but i think it would work just as well with bigger kids.

*double-make the bed!*

from the bottom (mattress) up :

regular fitted sheet
flat sheet
rubber sheet/pad
another regular fitted sheet
another flat sheet
blankets/duvet/comforter
this way, if the bed is wet it can be easily stripped and there is already a fresh, dry set of sheets for kiddo to go back to sleep on. this can make middle-of-the night bed issues SO MUCH easier....b/c, really, who wants to make the bed at 2:00 a.m?


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## tinyblackdot (Aug 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *panamama* 
i just wanted to offer one of the most awesome suggestions i've ever heard to those of you with bed-wetters. this was originally suggested for babies/cribs and diaper leak issues, but i think it would work just as well with bigger kids.

*double-make the bed!*

from the bottom (mattress) up :

regular fitted sheet
flat sheet
rubber sheet/pad
another regular fitted sheet
another flat sheet
blankets/duvet/comforter
this way, if the bed is wet it can be easily stripped and there is already a fresh, dry set of sheets for kiddo to go back to sleep on. this can make middle-of-the night bed issues SO MUCH easier....b/c, really, who wants to make the bed at 2:00 a.m?


THat is such a great idea!


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## julie128 (Jan 9, 2003)

Hi. I wrote a research paper on bed wetting in college, and this question is asked so frequently that I typed up a standard response to it. Adjust the instructions for gender.

1. She should increase the amount of water (not juice or milk or soda) she drinks before 3:00, maybe 2 extra glasses. This will give more opportunities to do steps 2 and 3.
2. When she needs to go pee, she should wait a few minutes before going to the toilet. She may be able to wait only 2 minutes in the beginning. She should be able to work up to 15 minutes. Don't have her wait longer than that, however, because it can lead to bladder infections. This will both stretch out the bladder so that it can hold more and strengthen the sphincter muscles holding in the pee.
3. Teach her kegels. The easiest way is to teach her how to stop the flow of pee. You can demonstrate if you like. Again, this will strengthen the muscles. It is important to do this at the begining of the flow and to push the pee out at the end to avoid bladder infections.

Doing these 3 things sometimes eliminates bed wetting entirely, and sometimes reduces it. If that doesn't work, using a wetness alarm is the most effective way to stop bed wetting. Don't use it until a child is at least 6.


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## Sparks* (Feb 3, 2008)

I don't have time to read all of the posts, but I had to respond. I wet my bed until I was about 13. It wasn't every night, but at least twice a week. It was horrible and my mom tried everything with me. What finally worked was her taking me to a hypnotist. I know, this may sound a bit crazy, but it really worked. I have no memory of going, but my mom says that the hypnotist told me that I would feel when I had to use the bathroom, wake up, go to the bathroom, then go back to bed and fall right back to sleep. I've never had an accident since! Just thought I would share since it was something that really worked and completely changed my life.


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

I love the idea of the pads. I used them when I was pregnant. They worked great and made clean up easy. No need to change a sheet, just toss the wet one and lay down a fresh pad.

They worked great for my bed wetting, co-sleeping DD too.


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## Bay Momma (Jul 16, 2008)

When our two nephews (8 and 11) lived with us for a few years due to a divorce situation, the oldes continually wet the bed. As did his 13 yo step-brother who stayed with us eow. Doctors said the muscles in little boys which allow them to "hold it" doesn't completely develop til 14 or so. I too was tired of the smell and the inconvenience of laundry daily. Both of his parents were in denial (he'd hide the wet laundry while with them). After discussion with him, I began waking him at 2am daily to pee. Sometimes it helped, sometimes not. But I think it helped him knowing I was on his side, and that he was trying. Finally he moved back in with his dad, a blazing alcoholic. C is now 22 and a new dad himself. He quit wetting the bed by 16. With all my heart I believe the alcoholism in his home and the divorce effected him and his brothers which came out in the night time wetting of the bed. Whether it was lack of ability to sleep in a way that would allow his natural body urges to wake him, or lack of self esteem.....I don't know. My heart goes out to you and to him.


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## gillibean (Nov 28, 2006)

I used a bedwetting alarm with both of my older children. At first I was extremely skeptical but it worked really well. We had tried a lot of strategies before trying the alarm. We had the bed set up with a waterproof mattress cover, regular fitted sheet then rubberized flannel sheet. After the first pee of the night DC would take off the rubberized sheet and put it on the floor with the pee side in and put on new underpants/t-shirt. If DC peed again that night then the rubberized sheet would go back on the bed with the pee side down. When we started using the alarm we also started having them 'double void' before bed. They have to at least try to go pee twice - once at the beginning of the bedtime routine and once right before getting in bed.

It doesn't work for everyone but I figured that with the alarm being the same price as a couple packs of pull-ups we may as well try. I would recommend it to anyone. I bought the Palco brand of alarm off ebay. I think it was about $28. There's also a book that I bought for about $10 that went through how to use it. I can't remember the title and I lent it to a friend but I bought it on ebay and I think it had a bear on the front of it. Please, at least give it a try, I can not express how thankful I am that we tried it.


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