# My baby likes to be naughty!



## Sweet.Bee (Feb 26, 2010)

A few months ago, my son started understanding the concept of "no" and would often stop doing something if we said it. So I know he understands.

But now, he will not only continue doing said activity (digging in the garbage / chewing on the furniture / pulling out cords from the outlets, or whatever new idea he gets into his head), but he will wave AND laugh when we ask him to stop. Often he will wait until we are looking and then start waving with a huge grin on his face as if to say "look at me, being naughty is fun!" BEFORE embarking upon forbidden activity. He seems to relish in doing things he's not supposed to do.

Oh, and he's not even 11 months old! I'd expect a toddler to test boundaries like this, but a baby? Is this normal for this age? He's still just a baby!

I realize that babies often do things that you don't want them to do because they don't understand. But he is quite intelligent (at least I think so







). He understands, for instance, that he's allowed to touch the wood frame of the wine rack but not the bottles themselves. He will often also push close a drawer when asked to do so in either language (we're a bilingual household). So, he clearly understands things, plus he used to listen when told "no".

I'm not sure how to get him not to do things, when it appears he enjoys them infinitely more so because they are off-limits. I try walking him away from the "site of transgression" and distracting him with something else, but he has a will of his own and will often not be deterred. Any ideas?


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## pianojazzgirl (Apr 6, 2006)

Oooo... off-limits things are so tantalizing, aren't they?

Ok, this is my approach (and others take the opposite - it all depends what works for you): what saves my sanity is first and foremost to baby-proof the heck out of whatever space my kids (when they were babies/toddlers) have access too. My goal is to reduce how much I say "no" to my exploring young one and some serious baby-proofing goes a long way towards reaching that goal. So - digging in the garbage? Move the garbage can. Touching wine bottles? Get that wine rack outta there. Trying to pull cords out of the outlet? Move a piece of furniture to block the outlet (if possible), or plug whatever into a different outlet where he doesn't have access (and cover original outlet with an outlet cover). Etc.

Another useful tool for the toolbox is "honouring the impulse". For example: baby wants to spill his water all over the floor and play in it? Find another outlet for his desire to have some water play (mid-day bath? lay down a towel on the floor and put a rubbermaid container of water and some plastic cups on top?). I guess what I'm getting at here is that you want to find ways to say "yes" instead of "no". Like "oh, I see you want to play with water. Ok! Let's go upstairs and play in the bathtub!".

Oh shoot - I had a lot more to say, but I have to go help ds. I'll be back later.


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## betsyj (Jan 8, 2009)

If I don't want my ds playing with something I remove it. Plain and simple. Our wine rack is now up on an armoire, and any cabinet he can reach has only safe things in it.

I try to avoid saying the word "no" as much as possible. It imparts no knowledge and offers no choice or compromise.

My son loves to play in the garbage can as well. Since I can't move it to a place where it is convenient and he can't get to it, I put a magnet lock on it. But, at the same time we also practice every day with throwing things away. So, while I am preventing him playing in the garbage, I am giving him the opportunity to learn what to do instead. He LOVES throwing things away.

Same with the fridge-he loves to open it and just stand there staring into it. Not cool on our electric bill or our food so again I had to add a magnet lock. But, I encourage him to help me put his snack items on his shelf, and when he wants a snack or a drink I let him get it for himself.

I have already seen the benefits of allowing him to learn to properly use "forbidden" items. He likes to know what to do, and ceases doing what I don't like him to do. I bet the locks will be off in a week or two.


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## Sweet.Bee (Feb 26, 2010)

Yeah, I don't like saying "no" all the time. I guess my point was he understands it, but ignores me and enjoys the "naughty" activity because it's disallowed.









In terms of baby-proofing, we've blocked off really dangerous things he gets into. I guess I didn't explain the wine rack so well. He actually doesn't bother the bottles; he learned to just touch the wood rack part. So, he can learn things, but doesn't sometimes.









However, there are so many things we cannot put out of his reach because it's simply not practical. For example, he likes to bite on the sofa and some pretty nice wood furniture we have. We can't just put away all of our furniture, but I'd like to teach him that he should not bite on it. Something more productive than "no"/grin/"no"/wave/"no"/bite-down-on-furniture. He has biting rings and toys, but the furniture is more interesting somehow. I also take him away and try to distract him, but sometimes he just won't be distracted.

We have a few drawers in the kitchen that are ok for him to rummage through, which I had hoped would quench his desire, but he eventually goes back to the off-limits ones after having his fill of the ok ones.

He gets his stubbornness from his father.


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## Novus (Mar 16, 2010)

My son is 10 months old too and this sounds exactly like him! We live in a small-ish space with not a lot of storage and wide doors and hallways, so baby-proofing has been a challenge. Here's how we handle it: when he was first learning which objects were off limits, we'd just redirect....endlessly. He'd go to the dvd rack and we'd tell him "Stop" and move him away. And then he'd turn around and head straight back and we'd repeat it and repeat it and repeat it. Now, he still goes to the dvd rack, but we only have to move him away once and he'll find something else to play with. Of course, it would've been much easier if we could have moved the dvd rack away, but that wasn't a possibility, so this is what has worked for us instead. DS definitely does the thing where he waits until we notice him about to do something, and then turns around and crawls *really* fast towards the "forbidden" object.









Oh, and also, we have completely baby-proofed his room, so if I start getting frustrated with the endless redirection or if I want a few minutes where I don't have to constantly have an eye on him, we just go play in there.


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## mum21andtwins (Nov 8, 2007)

are you seriously saying that your 10 month old is being naughty??

naughty is a very negative word a very heavy word. he is 10 months old he is inquisitive he is exploring the world and exploring reactions. he is doing what you call naughty stuff to get the reaction he is getting or becuase whatever he wants is _really_ interesting for him I think you need to reframe the way you see his actions into something not so filled with negativity.
and as a solution to _your_ problem (because he isn't old enough to have the amount of self control you are expecting) remove all items that are off limit. I have and my livingroom contained up to a month ago a sofa and 2 chairs and a table that could be climbed on safely.


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## rainyday (Apr 28, 2006)

First, a big







to the poster who said he's a baby. He's not naughty; he's exploring and figuring out how the world works. That's his job right now. It's what he's supposed to do. Your job is to figure out how to make it safe for him and livable for you!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sweet.Bee* 
. For example, he likes to bite on the sofa and some pretty nice wood furniture we have. We can't just put away all of our furniture, but I'd like to teach him that he should not bite on it. Something more productive than "no"/grin/"no"/wave/"no"/bite-down-on-furniture. He has biting rings and toys, but the furniture is more interesting somehow. I also take him away and try to distract him, but sometimes he just won't be distracted.

Pick up child. Move him. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.Stay calm. Remember, it's his job to figure out how you and the rest of the world work. Distract. Distract.Distract. If he keeps going back, distract him in a different room. Take him in the kitchen, and let him splash in the water. Get out some pots, bowls, and a wooden spoon. Give him a bath. Go walk around outside for a few minutes. Go to the bathroom together. Go change the laundry.

We have a few drawers in the kitchen that are ok for him to rummage through, which I had hoped would quench his desire, but he eventually goes back to the off-limits ones after having his fill of the ok ones.

Lock the other drawers. Make them inaccessible to him. Don't turn things into a power struggle when they don't have to be. Drawers do not have to be at his age!

He gets his stubbornness from his father.









No, he gets his "stubbornness" from being a baby who has an insatiable desire to learn and explore! That's a good thing, but you have to figure out how to make it safe for him and acceptable to you. Thinking of him as naughty and stubborn sets up an adversarial viewpoint, in my opinion, and it makes it harder to effectively deal with his behavior. He's not being defiant, he's being a baby/toddler. That's ok. That's good, even. Figure out how to work with him to help him learn about the world.


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## ssh (Aug 12, 2007)

All the other posters who said your DS is too young to be naughty are right. He probably goes back to the forbidden activities because your reaction is amusing. Also babies are very into cause and effect, does doing this always get the same reaction kind of activity. Babies and toddlers can learn that some things are dangerous or yucky if you persistently redirect. But they have no impulse control, that part of their brain just hasn't developed enough, until sometime during their 3rd year. A lot of toddlers are worse about getting into things when they are 2.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sweet.Bee* 
but he will wave AND laugh when we ask him to stop. Often he will wait until we are looking and then start waving with a huge grin on his face as if to say "look at me, being naughty is fun!" BEFORE embarking upon forbidden activity. He seems to relish in doing things he's not supposed to do.

I'm sure it's annoying. But, I LOVE the naughty kids. LOVE them. They amuse me, and I am always slightly impressed by the things they think of.

No advice.... but, just get ready, because these are the kids who wait til you walk into the kitchen and jump off the counter (that you didn't know they could get on top of)

Take lots of pictures!


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

what has helped us in the time between walking and now, is to give Lina real jobs to do with the fascinating things.

Trashcan: we give her stuff to throw away, ask her to pick up stuff and throw it away. Talk about "that's trash, can you throw it away?" And when she goes to play with it or put something that isn't trash into it, we can say "that's for trash! let's go play with X/put Y away/find something to throw away" and she redirects.

Cat food: she feeds the cats each day. And we did have to have a number of times for her to scoop out a ton of food and I'd dump the bowls back into the cat food container, repeat, repeat.

And "honoring the impulse" is great. Today she wanted to squeeze out toothpaste and I found an old tube of hair gel that we bought for Halloween for her to squeeze instead. (And put the toothpaste out of reach







)

Those early toddler days are so tough. Finding the balance between what they can do, what you can modify so they can do, and what is more interesting and will get them away from things that you're too tired or frazzled to think of dealing with.

Your bathtub is your friend. Sooo much mess can be explored and contained by sitting your LO in the tub. And outdoors=awesome.

Oh, and since he walks, he's probably a toddler. I figured I'd get a few months of "walking baby" when Lina took off at 10.5 months, but no. Walking=>toddler.

Also, for stuff you can't put out of reach, try helping him explore it. So every time he walks up to the wine rack, talk him through touching the wood. See if he wants to touch the bottles and if he does guide his hand, or just stand there and move the bottles back into place if it looks like they'll slip and break (mind you, if the bottles are going to fall from being touched, a new wine rack is probably worth it).


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
I'm sure it's annoying. But, I LOVE the naughty kids. LOVE them. They amuse me, and I am always slightly impressed by the things they think of.

No advice.... but, just get ready, because these are the kids who wait til you walk into the kitchen and jump off the counter (that you didn't know they could get on top of)

Take lots of pictures!

I have a _very naughty_ 13 month old, and I love it! I try to create situations where she can be "naughty" and safe at the same time. Like playing with bath toys _when she is not IN the bath_. She views this as very naughty, and gives the grin and a wave like (I'm so tricky! I have bath toys when I'm not in the bath!) I find that the things that get a strong reaction from us are the naughty things she wants to do--like eating a power cord that strayed on to the floor. Playing with dirty bibs laying next to the washing machine. Playing with empty cereal boxes and milk cartons. What if you gave him things that he's not "supposed to" have, like empty shoe boxes, paper towel rolls, milk cartons, old books/magazines? Would that help with the impulse?


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Re: biting furniture, have you tried getting some wood for him to chew on? And/or a piece of upholstery fabric?


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *justKate* 
I have a _very naughty_ 13 month old, and I love it! I try to create situations where she can be "naughty" and safe at the same time. Like playing with bath toys _when she is not IN the bath_. She views this as very naughty, and gives the grin and a wave like (I'm so tricky! I have bath toys when I'm not in the bath!) I find that the things that get a strong reaction from us are the naughty things she wants to do--like eating a power cord that strayed on to the floor. Playing with dirty bibs laying next to the washing machine. Playing with empty cereal boxes and milk cartons. What if you gave him things that he's not "supposed to" have, like empty shoe boxes, paper towel rolls, milk cartons, old books/magazines? Would that help with the impulse?









It's sooo cute when they have something they think they aren't supposed to and make that little "I'm doing Mischief! grin".


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## mrsfrenchy (Apr 14, 2008)

I'll second and third all the poster who have said that your child isn't "naughty" (and it really makes me cringe when you use that word about a not even one-year-old) but is just being a baby.

Yes, he probably knows what 'no' means and he knows that certain things are 'no-no's But that doesn't mean that he's developed the impulse control to avoid those things. Also, babies and toddlers push their limits so that they can learn the 'rules' of their world. He's trying to figure out if a 'no' yesterday is still a 'no' today, etc.

The posters above gave you some great tips. I hope you'll follow them and adjust your expectations a bit.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

You can't expect any amount of consistency from a 10-month-old. Even smart babies are babies. Just babyproof, distract, move, redirect, etc.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

A couple of quick thoughts:

instead of telling him 'no', tell him what he can do. You don't want him biting the couch? Give him a teething toy each and every time. "Here this is for biting.

I clearly remember when my kids were new walkers and wanted to toddle into the street. I spent much of the first 6 weeks of summer saying "stay on the sidewalk". With ds, that was enough. With dd, I had to pick her up and move her back onto the sidewalk, saying "stay on the sidewalk". Repeatedly for 6 weeks. But after those 6 weeks, she got it. I could then move a few feet away and chat with the neighbors and trust she wouldn't head immediately for the street.

Our neighbors, when their kids were in that stage, would say "no street". Guess what? By the end of the summer, 4 months later, they were still going into the street. Now, I'm sure my kids are far more brilliant than our neighbors'







, but I suspect telling our kids what to do was also more effective.

Second, don't confuse understanding with impulse control. Understanding 'no' and being able to stop a motion are two separate skills. If an infant or toddler has started doing something, it's very difficult for them to inhibit the motion when you say no.

Finally, it sounds like he's ready for 'I'm gonna get you' type games. Right now, he's invented a great game. It's called "I do something I'm not supposed to, and mom/dad react and come get me." What's more fun than that? So, satisfy his need for being chased and attention in other ways.


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## hakeber (Aug 3, 2005)

(to just about everything above...Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.


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## justKate (Jun 10, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
Finally, it sounds like he's ready for 'I'm gonna get you' type games. Right now, he's invented a great game. It's called "I do something I'm not supposed to, and mom/dad react and come get me." What's more fun than that? So, satisfy his need for being chased and attention in other ways.

This is good...especially if you can get him to chase you.

For chewing on the furniture, does your LO have a crib? DD sleeps with us, but I use her crib like a pack'n'play in our room when she needs to be contained. She loves chewing on it. Maybe you can show him something "very grown up" and "not a toy" to chew on. My DD would find that deliciously naughty.









ETA: does he have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another? (Like an activity you _don't_ want him doing to one you do?) I'm had some luck getting DD to say bye-bye to the current activity and move on with the next. For example, petting the neigbor's cat, going inside, leaving the toys to eat, touching glass coasters: Bye-bye coasters! Bye-bye scary allergen-laden probaby disease ridden cat! And we wave bye-bye.

This seems to help her understand and emotionally prepare for the fact that we're going to stop doing X and start doing something different.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

I think this article is quite fitting here:
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
*Second, don't confuse understanding with impulse control. Understanding 'no' and being able to stop a motion are two separate skills. If an infant or toddler has started doing something, it's very difficult for them to inhibit the motion when you say no.*

Intelligence does not equal self-control.


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## DevaMajka (Jul 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LynnS6* 
A couple of quick thoughts:

instead of telling him 'no', tell him what he can do. You don't want him biting the couch? Give him a teething toy each and every time. "Here this is for biting.

Yep, it's like the pink elephant thing- if I say "Don't think of a pink elephant"- what are you thinking of? I'm better off saying "Think of a blue giraffe" kwim?

Quote:

Second, don't confuse understanding with impulse control. Understanding 'no' and being able to stop a motion are two separate skills. If an infant or toddler has started doing something, it's very difficult for them to inhibit the motion when you say no.
So so true. Adults don't have perfect impulse control, so we definitely can't expect kids to.
I know why I shouldn't eat loads of sugar, but I am obsessively drawn to it. You don't even want to know how much I ate yesterday. I'm have an incredibly hard time keeping myself from eating it.


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