# latchkey kids



## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

During grade school my older brother and I were latchkey for a period of time each weekday after school. Parents were divorced. dad didn't live with us and didn't get off work until after 5 anyway. mom worked for the school district my brother and I were in (on purpose so our hours and days off would be almost the same) but, always in the other schools that were in town (our gradeschool was near our home out away from town, And by "near" I mean a few miles away). Once we were both off to middle school in town we were able to hitch rides to and from school with my mom until we got our licences and our own cars.

I didn't and still don't view our being home alone during grade school as weird or unusually unsafe at all. That being said, I WILL NOT allow for MY KIDDOS to be home alone after school when they are in grade school. My time as a latchkey kid was from 89' through the early 90's... not too long ago.

were you a latchkey kid?

is your child/children, or would you allow your child/children be latchkey?

Have times really changed that much safety-wise or is it just that the general dos and don'ts of parenting have changed seperatly from any increased risk?


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## kirei (Dec 2, 2004)

i was a latch-key kid, from a young age. from 10-11 up, it was every day. younger than that, it was somewhat sporadic.

i haven't decided if dd would ever be a latch-key kid. i am a single mama, and i work full-time. i believe that if/when i feel dd is ready, i would allow her to be home alone after school. i don't have a pre-set age in mind, just when it feels right for us. i believe it will be apparent.

with that in mind, i believe there is a certain age where it is illegal to have a child home alone, and i don't know what that age is, but that will definitely play a part, lol.


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## tbone (Dec 17, 2006)

I was latchkey kid, I was really young. My older sister (5 years older) until 2nd grade and after that I was by myself. There were so many times I forgot the key and I can vividly remember sitting outside for what seemed like hours. Sometimes if it was hot out I would walk down the street to the shoe store and hang out there or ask to use their phone so I could call my parents. Actually I remember rotating the businesses nearby for their phones, the shoe store, the butcher and the insurance guy. I got out of school at 2 and my sister got out at 3, so I usually didn't have to wait for more than an hour. But it still seemed like an eternity.

I hated it and would never wish it upon any child. Looking back now, it seems so dangerous but back then ( mid 80s) I guess it didn't seem so bad.

So, no, I would never allow my kids to be latchkey kids. They are young now, but I'm thinking even through high school I'd like to be home when they get home.

I just want to add, my parents were great, they just had to work a lot to make ends meet and I respect that. I understand they were doing the best they could, and I feel very fortunate that I have the ability to stay home with my kids and they're hard work to get me to where I am today has a lot to do with that.


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## Lucky Charm (Nov 8, 2002)

I was not a latch key kid.

My kids have not been latch key children.

I worked at night and slept till the got home, or worked just weekends for over 10 years.

I am now on a normal schedule. <y youngest is ten, and comes home to his 21 yr old sister or my mom.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

I was latchkey from 11 onwards. If I was sick (which I often was) then I usually stayed home by myself too. My mom was a single mom (my "father" lived in another state for the majority of my childhood.)

I don't anticipate every returning to the workplace, so no I do not plan for my children to ever be latchkey kids. BUT, if dh were to die and I had to return to work, then yes, they will more than likely have to be latchkey kids.


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## primjillie (May 4, 2004)

I wasn't a latchkey kid and neither were mine. My mom went back to work when I was in 5th grade, but we always had a sitter until we were teenagers. I was fortunate to stay home or work part time until mine were teens too. I know some people don't have a choice, but I don't think children under 13 or so should stay home alone. Too much time and opportunity for trouble.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

I was from about 11 I think. Not for long, Mum would usually get home say an hour after I did?

I wouldn't have a problem with it when my children were responsible enough (not to open the door to strangers, not to go out, not to try and cook etc) but who knows what age that would be?

I just used to come home, grab a snack and watch the telly or something until Mum arrived home.


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## CarrieMF (Mar 7, 2004)

Technically we were latchkey kids every now & then until I was 12 when mom went back to work. The doors were never locked though so there were no keys. We would ride the bus to the farm. If mom wasn't home she was either shopping or at her women's club meeting. Dad was "around" which on the farm could be out back or 20miles away, we had the 2 way radios if we needed to get in touch with Dad. If he didn't answer my uncle & aunt who farmed with Dad had the radios too & would answer, but they were 20 miles away. If we had to(and I can't think of an instance where we needed to) have an adult we'd call up a neighbor 1/4 mile away.

I was 12 when mom went to work, my sister was 14 & my brothers were 9 & 6.

My kids are 9, 7 & 6. there is no age here where you can legally leave a child by themselves. I have left my 9yo by herself for up to 1 1/2 hours. I have left her with her sisters a few times too, usually those are ones where DH will be there in 10-20 minutes.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

I was a latch key kid since age 6. My brother was 8. He was supposed to be the one in charge, but he was the one that was causing mischief and doing dangerous things. He had his friends over. They tied me up and put me in the bathtub or in the closet so I would not know what they were doing and nark them out. When I narked about tying me up, my parents did not believe me. So, then my brother beat me the next day. Both parents worked full time. Either of my grandmothers would have/could have come over, but my mom did not want them seeing a mildly messy/mildly dirty house.

Nope, my children will not be latch key kids. I understand that most kids are not like my brother, but I am not chancing that with my kids. I would have been perfectly fine if I stayed home alone. I knew 911, my grandparents phone #'s, to go to a neighbors house if there was a problem, etc.

As per my thoughts on latch key kids, I think it is a highly individual thing. Some kids may be fine at 8 and others not fine at 16. My brother is now 32 and probably should still not be left unattended for long intervals. Some kids are fine, though. I just don't want to take any chances. I am a typical paranoid person, though.


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## mata (Apr 20, 2006)

I was for a short time, and I think I was around 10/11. My parents went out at night as well and left me alone (at 12.) They even went over night once, I think. Different times! I don't see myself doing that with mine. Of course I went and snooped in my parents' room and found all the stuff they didn't want me to see.


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## MCR (Nov 20, 2001)

I was a a latchkey kid from about age 7 on. I knew where the key was and let myself in, the school was around the corner from our house,and my mother worked about a half block from the school in a store. I would go by and see her, and if I wanted to wait for her instead of going home alone, I would go in the back (family store) and visit with the elderly mother, taste her baking and watch TV. Most days I went home alone as I didn't want to out stay my welcome, and I could tell some days they didn't want me there. So I saved my visits for days I was afraid to go alone or feeling miserable.
My kids are not latchkey kids, I get home before them or right after them if I get stuck in traffic (it's happened a few times)
My favorite day of the week was Monday, My mom didn't work on Mondays and so I went home to her doing laundry and cleaning, I loved Mondays the best.


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

I was a latchkey kid from 12-ish onwards, and got farmed out to the next door neighbour after school before that. Being at home on my own was great- being added in to someone else's family, not so much







It could work for other children though, and I know it provided a useful source of cash for the family next door.


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## Britishmum (Dec 25, 2001)

I was several days a week, from the age of 11. And I loved it! I thrived on the freedom, and hated the days where there was someone home when I got there. I'd have loved it younger too.

I think a lot depends on the circumstances and the personality of the kid. I still love solitude, so it suited me. As with so many things, I don't think there is one right or one wrong way of doing things.


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## mbhf (Jan 8, 2005)

I was a latchkey kid from the time I started school. I was 5 and my brother was 8. Sometimes my brother would go home with his friends and I would be all alone. We lived on a major highway with a lot of traffic and the front door was "hard to lock" so it was always unlocked. Every day after school, all day if I was sick, and all day all summer. I went to private school starting in seventh grade, and I had to sit outside for at least 2 hours a day waiting for my mom to pick me up. Even though my grandparents only lived a few miles away and would have been more than happy to come pick me up when school actually let out, my parents didn't want to bother them.

I think it was incredibly irresponsible. I would never do that to my kids.


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## GooeyRN (Apr 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mbhf* 
I was a latchkey kid from the time I started school. I was 5 and my brother was 8. Sometimes my brother would go home with his friends and I would be all alone. We lived on a major highway with a lot of traffic and the front door was "hard to lock" so it was always unlocked. Every day after school, all day if I was sick, and all day all summer. I went to private school starting in seventh grade, and I had to sit outside for at least 2 hours a day waiting for my mom to pick me up. Even though my grandparents only lived a few miles away and would have been more than happy to come pick me up when school actually let out, my parents didn't want to bother them.

I think it was incredibly irresponsible. I would never do that to my kids.

That makes me sad. Home alone at 5?







Why did they not want to ask willing grandparents?


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## Chelseainphilly (Sep 18, 2008)

I was a latchkey kid from age 8 on. I was also responsible for my two younger brothers who were 5 and 6. Some days it was ok, but much of the time I was just tired from school and did not want to be responsible for a couple of wild kids but had no choice. Part of me remains a little bitter about the whole experience.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I was a latchkey kid from about age 9 on. I LOVED it! My mom called and checked on me frequently. I didn't get home from school until 330 and mom got home just after 5pm. I really loved it when I was 12 and finally allowed to be alone all summer. My dd is 12 and I could totally trust her home alone. She allready spends half the summer alone during the day while she's at her dad's/ BUT I wouldn't saddle her with her 8yo brother for more than an hour at a time. If I had to work outside the home I would probably get childcare for my son.

-Heather


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## PGTlatte (Mar 7, 2004)

I was from age 7 when I decided I didn't like the after-school daycare I went to anymore and rode the schoolbus home and let myself in instead of taking the daycare bus to the center. I scared everyone half to death when I didn't show up at the center. They didn't think to check the house for me !

I had two brothers in high school but they were never home until dinnertime anyway so I was home alone.

I was okay with it. But I was an exceptionally independent child, and very introverted, and I need time alone, and I loved having that time of having the house all to myself. I would never want our kids to be home alone at a young age though. I really think someone should have been looking after me, making sure I at least got home.....like having to let a neighbor know when I was home from school or something. If I hadn't come home, nobody would have known for about three hours.

I also do not want a situation where our kids have the house without parents on a regular basis when they are teens. Not giving any details.....but I know of lots of really scary stuff that goes on in houses without parents with teenagers between the hours of school ending and parents arriving home.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

No, my Mom was a SAHM when I was younger. Then when my youngest sisters (twins) went to preschool, my Mom got hired at our school and taught their class. So she was off the same days as us, and some days we had to stay behind while she did stuff in the classroom, but we were never home alone after school.

It's important for me to be home with my son when he gets out of school. I love that time together, even if it is grocery shopping or something.







I do work, and even recently got a promotion but I make sure I am able to leave each day by 2pm to pick ds up from school and be home with him.


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

Yea I was one. I did ok but had a lot of fears and anxieties as a result of being alone. I wouldn't let my kids do it. It wasn't an ideal situation at the time either (my mother didn't like it) but we were very low income and kinda stuck.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

I was latchkey from about 12 onwards. I thought it was awesome. My little sister still went to the sitters and I could watch whatever I wanted on TV.

I'm noticing that those who didn't start until they were in double digits and those who were not respnosible for others seemed to have enjoyed it. That would play into my decision. (Plus it's now illegal to leave a child under 10 alone)

I hope to be a SAHM when I have LO's in school though, so hopefully it won't be a decision I have to make.


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## jenniferadurham (Apr 6, 2008)

I was a latchkey kid also. I had been staying home by myself since 2nd grade, 87-92. I was about a 15 minutes walk from home to school and often walked by myself. NOW...my child will not be doing this. Times have changed and you cant trust anyone. She rides the bus home and they wont even let her off of the bus unless I am standing at the bus door when she gets off. They don't allow kids to walk home sans parent until 2nd grade(next year for my DD.)

It's so sad that times have changed so much that we can't allow our kids to have some of the freedoms we did. When my DD goes to play outside I still worry about someone just pulling up and taking her. I don't let her go out during the day unless the neighbor boys are out, and if they go in, she has to come in. She knows that she can't be left alone outside. It's sad, but theres nothing you can do. This is why the next house we buy will be in a cul de sac.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

I wasn't, dh was from a very early age. I was babysitting alone by 12 though.
Our own? Probably will be at some point. But I don't think it will be before dd is 11-12 at the earliest, and honestly, it's going to depend on how mature she is at that point. Knowing my little Miss Independant lol, I don't forsee that being a problem.


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## mystiquesmom (May 20, 2008)

I was a latchkey kid from 8 onwards. I didn't have to take care of my little brother, though as he went to a private school in a different neighbourhood and didn't get home until my mother was home(my parents were and are still self employed, so they worked long hours, plus my father is a golf addict and I didn't see him a lot of the time). I was pretty indifferent about it. However, my disappointments came from my parents missing stuff like school concerts, or my high school graduation as my mother had to work at the business(they owned a convenience store) and my father went golfing instead.

Would I let my children be latchkey kids? No. I've been working on my WAH business and hopefully it will be self sufficient enough so I can be at home by the time they start school.


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## FondestBianca (May 9, 2008)

so I can see that this is still a very varried issue. Maybe this cycles as the economy does. Perhaps in times when it is more possible economically (or socially accepted) for a SAHP there are less latch key kids. It could very well be generational as well. I always assumed it had more to do with increased risk but, perhaps it has more to do with SAHPing and how avaliable or attractive that is to families.

As the need for both parents to work becomes more the norm maybe the thoughts and views about kids staying home alone that are supposedly based on safety and maturity are REALLY based on drive to survive. Basically what I'm saying is that nature allows our minds to sit right with the idea as the economy pushes us to make that decision.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

I was a latchkey kid (usually, unless one of my older bros or sis was home when I got home from school which wasn't all that often... they are MUCH older and had jobs). I believe I started "Latchkeying" when I was about 8 or 9 (in the mid 70's), and it was a more or less, permanent situation. The worst thing that happened to me was that I often forgot my key and had to climb up on the cat walk and hoist myself through my second story bedroom window--A window I ALWAYS left cracked just for this reason!. Good thing I was known as a "monkey kid."







In addition, I was alone BEFORE school as well, for about an hour after my mom went to work and took the high schoolers with her and my older "older" brothers (out of school by now) were off at work.

We unschool, I'm a SAHM and DS works at home so it's difficult to imagine a time we'd need DS to latchkey. It's also difficult to imagine being comfortable with it at all. Strange, when I was 8, I know it never felt scary or strange, but I KNOW DS would NOT be comfortable with this in any way. I can't imagine he'd been comfortable with it anytime soon... different families, different generation I suppose.









The best,
Em


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

I was a latch key kid on and off from age 9-11, then all the time from 11 on. Starting at age 11 1/2, I was babysitting my younger sisters after school 4 days a week.


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## LookMommy! (Jun 16, 2002)

I am home when my kids (14, 12, 7) come home, although I have no problem leaving the older two alone when I go out for a while, or leaving the oldest in charge of the youngest for a couple of hours, once a week or so. They normally get home, unload, snack, etc. and then play alone, computer, etc. so that's when I go out if I need to. I think they would be very sad to miss the coming home/reconnecting ritual on a regular basis.

My ds12 has a friend who is latchkey until dinner time, and always wants to invite my ds over to play. I don't allow it. The mom says why not? her ds is very responsible. Maybe so, but no way will I do it. I mean it's one thing if she greets my son, offers them a snack, then goes on an errand when she sees they are busy playing. But to not be there at all? I don't like it. I feel sorry for this boy - we run into him around the neighborhood (and of course I am with dd7) and he has complete freedom, but is happy to hang out with us.

If I had to? You have to do what you have to do, but I would try to avoid it. I especially wouldn't want older sibs watching younger ones - seems like you're asking for trouble.


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

I was one of the ones who loved it. On the rare day my mom was off, I didn't like coming home to someone there. From around 8, I was home alone. Then around 10, I became responsible for my little sister (who would've been 2 at the time). I would get her from the sitter and bring her home with me. Once I hit 11 or 12, I made dinner and cleaned up before my mom got home, and it was that way until I went to college. I was super-responsible and never had friends over without permission or did anything I wasn't supposed to do.

As for my own kids, since I work freelance, chances are I'll be here most days when they get home. DH would like to move to freelance work, too, so in that case, it would be really rare for one of us not to be home. Plus if we stay in our current location, they'll be going to private school, so someone will have to pick them up. I wouldn't have a problem leaving them alone, but I'm more trusting of my children in general, though they're still tiny. I actually think it's probably worse to be a "sometimes" latchkey kid because it probably makes the situation more alluring for doing things you shouldn't.


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## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

I was a latchkey kid. My brother and sister were only 1 and 2 years older than me. We didn't mind. In fact, looking back, it was not bad at all. We grew up in a neighborhood where everyone knew everyone and someone was always watching out for you (even when you didn't want them to be).

My dd is 8 and is not a latchkey kid, although she sometimes asks me if she could ride the bus home alone. She is in an afterschool program that is at her school and I pick her up when I get off from work.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

We weren't latchkey kids growing up. I'm the oldest of five kids, and my mum was a SAHM, so she was always there.

I'll be working shift work (nurse) and my dh works pretty much 9-5/Mon-Fri. I anticipate at some point or another my kids will come home on their own. Not for awhile though - they're only 5 yrs and 9 mnths.


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

I was latch key from 6 or 7 on up. My parents got divorced and my mom went to work full time. I stayed home with my brother who was three years older. I remember as we got older (I think I was in 4th grade) my brother getting in lots of trouble while my mom was at work.

Ds is 6 and going to first grade now. I am still sahm and trying to start a little ebay business out of the house. If I do end up going back to work full time in the future ds would take part in the after school program at school. It is inexpensive and the kids are supervised and get to play outside, get help with their homework, etc.


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## fancyoats (Jun 12, 2008)

i was a latch-key kid from about 9 years old (third grade). we lived in a small town, and i would walk home from the bus and let myself into the house. i would call my mom at work first thing so she knew i was home safely and then i would putter around the house, doing my homework, watching tv, doing my chores, reading. i knew that i wasn't to open the door for anyone. i was an unusually responsible kid.

that being said, i'm not sure i would let my daughter home by herself every day unless i really had no other choice. my mom was a single mom and we were struggling financially so she really couldn't afford child care.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

technically, we weren't latch key kids b/c my grandmother lived with us.

but since she (clearly in retrospect) had signs of dementia, we were actually taking care of her, and not the other way around.
This started around age 10 or so for me, age 6 for my brother. My mom worked part time, so it was only three or so days a week.

However, after about a year, my mom hired a housekeeper to watch my grandmother as it became increasingly clear that my grandmother was unsafe by herself (she'd leave the oven on all day, start to forget where she was, etc). The housekeeper technically was NOT there to care for my brother and me, but she would keep an eye on us - open the door for us, give us snacks, make sure we weren't getting up to too much trouble. She would leave, however about an hour after I got home and it was my job to watch my grandmother until my mom got home.

My kids probably won't be permanent latchkey kids - we WAH, which I love and want to continue for as long as I can - but depending on their age and personalities, I see giving kids some independence over their schedule/whereabouts is a great gift in learning how to be responsible.

I love living in a neighborhood where kids play over at other kids houses without arranging formal playdates - they just wander over and knock on each other's doors. I could envision being out at meetings when my kids get home from school now and again - in this age of cell phones, they can text me to say they have arrived home. We also have a neighborhood where everyone knows each other, and I feel confident they can go to a neighbors house in case of trouble.

Another note, when my mom was home, we rarely saw her. Sure she was home, but she was attending to her own stuff - and we were expected to be doing our own thing too. we could leave and go for a wander in the woods, or go to a friend's house down the road, etc. And we had a big, rambling house where you really couldn't hear someone screaming from one end to the other.

We were certainly not supervised every minute we were home. evidenced by the stuff I got up to in my room that my mom would NEVER have been okay with... ; )


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## emmasmommy (Feb 26, 2004)

I was a latchkey kid from about 9 or so. Before that my mom had different people to babysit my younger brother and me. DH and I both WOH, but our kids won't be latchkey kids. The main difference being that there are before and after care programs available now that weren't available when I was a kid, so we do have those options available. My mom said she wished there was something available when my brother and I were younger. Our jobs are also somewhat flexible and we could change our working hours to allow one of us to always be home before and after school.

I had no problem being home alone aside from the constant fighting with my brother, but that happened even if my parents were at home!! There were also lots of days I went over to a friend's house instead of going home and same for my brother.


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## cycle (Nov 18, 2004)

I was a latchkey kid from about 6 years old on. My brother was 4 years older but usually did not come home right after school so I was home alone. I would also stay home alone when I was sick. I remember until I was about 10 being uneasy and fearful when I was home alone. I remember that I would watch the local news because for some reason one particular newscaster brought me some comfort and made me feel more secure. I will not allow my son to be a latchkey kind, if at all if I can help it but for sure not until he is well into his teens. I was a latchkey kid from the early eighties.


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## Embee (May 3, 2002)

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was also one who much liked being "latchkey." To be clear, my first and foremost preference would have been to see my mom when I walked through the door at the end of the school day, but that just wasn't possible--single mom and then later, she and my SD worked full time--but alone was my second preference. To see one of my sibs when I got home from school usually annoyed me. They were older and naggy! It was nice to have the house to myself for those couple of hours to decompress, although I admit to being a bit "snoopy" at times for which I was usually caught.







Most of the time, being in the house alone felt like a gift . . . come to think of it, it still feels that way only it happens but once a month anymore, if I'm lucky.









I think it helped that we lived in a small, friendly neighborhood where I knew the neighbors well. A family next door I could always run to for help (and did a couple of times) and when I forgot my key and happened not to leave my bedroom window ajar, a place to come out of the cold until my mom or one of my sibs got home. If it hadn't been this type of secure situation, I imagine I would have felt pretty scared and vulnerable.

The best,
Em


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## sweetpeppers (Dec 19, 2007)

I wasn't, and my son won't be, since I'm planning to homeschool, but I think if he is comfortable and I'm comfortable, I would leave him home alone. I'm a single mother, so I'm sure that it will come up. I was babysitting my 3 younger brothers when I was 12, and I wouldn't have had a problem doing it even younger than that. I think it all depends on how mature the kid/s is/are.


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

my son WILL not be a latchkey kid. especially if i have other children, especially when he is younger.

being the oldest child, in 5th grade i was a latchkey kid because there were no options (we were poor and gov't funding ended when i hit 5th grade). because i was home my mom decided that my bro would stay home too.

we were miserable, fought all the time, got into dangerous situations (finding a vial of coke, being sexualized by older latchkey kids in the neighborhood, starting to cook then falling asleep and waking up to firefighters pulling us out of a smoke-filled house) and I ended up running away from home on multiple occasions. i was not old enough or mature enough to be at home alone, especially taking care of someone else.

we had a lot of other factors that my family does not have now. but my son would STILL not be a latchkey kid. it's too easy for bad things to happen that you might never find out about.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I was a latch key kid from Kindergarten on.

Back then, I went to school in the morning, came home at lunch and played til my brother came home at 3:00. Then when he came home, we could go outside to play with other kids.

We stayed outside til about dinner time most days.

Nobody looked for us. Nobody called to check on us. It seems so weird now to think about that, but it was normal to us at the time.

Of course, my parents were idiots though.

Looking back, we were the only kids out of all of our friends who had THAT much freedom. At age three and four, we were walking to the store alone.

I couldn't ever leave my own child to come home from school and be alone. Although, I think she's perfectly safe, I just can't do it.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

When I was in 3rd grade and my brother was in kindergarten, his piano lesson was at the time my school day ended, so once a week I would come home to an empty house until he and my mom got home about 45 minutes later. The only thing I didn't like about this was that my parents for some reason thought it was safer not to give me a key but to leave the back door unlocked.







I was mildly concerned that a Bad Guy could get in and lie in wait for me. Never happened, though....

Beginning around that time, if I was home sick (I got sick a lot) my mom sometimes would leave me alone while she ran errands or went to a meeting. I had the phone numbers of several SAH neighbors and family friends in case I needed help.

My mom got a new job when I was in 7th grade and was out of town for a week at a time, so during those weeks I was alone for an hour until my brother came home from his school, and then it was just us until our dad came home 2-3 hours after that. There were rarely any problems, and by the time I was 16 my parents felt able to leave us alone overnight sometimes, to have my middle-school cousins stay with us for a week when there'd be no adults home 10 hours a day, etc. My brother and I both are responsible, cautious types.

I've got no problem with my son being a latchkey kid once he's 8 or so, if he's responsible and satisfied with that arrangement. He's a highly sociable sort of person, though, and all his life so far he's disliked being alone. Because of that, I expect he'll want to be in an afterschool program or arrange to be with a friend, at least on an everyday basis.

One thing I'll never do is have my kid come home to an unlocked house. Even in our fairly safe neighborhood, I just don't like that idea. At times when we've come home to realize that we accidentally left a door unlocked, I get really freaked out. I think a kid responsible enough to stay alone is responsible enough to have a key! If he loses it, he can contact the WAH neighbor who has our spare key, just as his parents do if we lose our keys.

I'm also reluctant to leave a sick child home alone as much as my parents did. Once my mom started traveling, if I got sick I was alone 7 hours straight while my brother was at school, unless my dad was able to get home at lunch break to check on me. I felt very lonely and un-cared-for, esp. if I was really too sick to make myself food and drinks.







The only bright side to it was that my brother learned very good caretaking skills. Imagine a 10-year-old who comes straight home from school to take your temperature, fluff your pillows, fix you soup, and read you some stories!









I don't think "times have changed"; in fact, I've read that abductions of children by strangers (as opposed to non-custodial parents) are about HALF as common as when I was a kid! Seems to me that the risk in being alone is not kidnapping or other threats from strangers, but safety hazards in the home like burning oneself while making a snack, tripping and falling, etc. Before my kid can stay alone, I'll teach him first aid, how to call 911, and who to call if it's not an emergency but he can't handle it alone.


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## pumpkin (Apr 8, 2003)

I was a latchkey kid. To this day, I really don't see why people have a problem with it.

I think starting around age 10 I was home watching my younger sister after school. The summer I turned 11 we stayed home all summer as well. Hung out. Watched tv. Took ourselves to swim lessons in the morning, came home for lunch, and then went back to the pool for the afternoon.

Sometimes I wish we had a parent around. There would have been fewer restrictions in seeing friends. We would have had more activities further from home. Yet, I hated daycare. Absolutely, positively, hated it, so I was thrilled to be home on my own.

That said, we don't plan to do the same thing with our kids since I don't plan on working. I am inclined to think that kids can handle a lot more independence than they are given today. But it really depends upon the kid, so I can't say exactly what we will do when the time comes.


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## Autumn C. (Jul 30, 2008)

My siblings and I were -always- latchkey kids. There was never at time were an adult was home when we got home from school. My parents are divorced. My father is univolved. At first my sister was responsible for myself and our youngest brother. She was around 11. That would make me 4 and my brother about 1. When she got to high school she had other things to do (extracirricular activities, college prep courses, a part-time job). My mom was fine with this because I was old enough to take over. I was 9. My brother was 5.

Although while it was happening I would have said it was fine because I didn't know anyother way to be, once I became an adult I _knew_ I would not ever do that to my kids. I also knew that I wouldn't ever do "day care" the way my mom did. We often left the house at 6-6:30am so she could drop us off before going to work (We went to a school that was 12 min. away by car) and often stayed in after school care until 6:30 pm. I hated leaving the house when it was dark and coming back when it was dark. Hated it.

I should note that my "latchkey experience" differs from most because of the hours per day we were home without adult interaction. It wasn't from 3:30 to 5 as I have seen some people note.

After work, my mother took college courses so we frequently we alone until _after 10pm_.

We (I) did homework, chores, dinner, laundry, making lunches, bedtime routines- alone.

Also, by the time I got to junior high I was completely entreched in this way of life and would not accept imput of _any_ kind from my mother. Even the kind I actually wanted.


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## Contrariety (Jul 16, 2007)

It was a rare occasion when my parents were home before we were. We always let ourselves in and entertained ourselves. My older sis and I stayed home alone during the summers while my younger bro was in daycare. It occurs to me that most of the kids in the neighborhood were in this situation.

I think it depends on the maturity of your kids and where you live. I wouldn't eliminate it as a possibility for my children once they were a bit older. I would make sure they had emergency information and I would call them a lot.


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## Mandynee22 (Nov 20, 2006)

I was... I don't remember when it started though. I think 5th grade because through elementary school I went to a day care before and after that was next to my school (I actually ran into the woman who ran it about 6 months ago and she recognised me LMAO)
I was alone before school for about an hour and after school for a couple hours.
My DD is almost 9 and I don't leave her alone (no reason to) but my nieghbors son is the same age and he's left alone sometimes (about a half hour in the morn and sometimes a little while after school but sometimes his older brother is there after)


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## Greenmama2AJ (Jan 10, 2008)

I was either in daycare or was latchkey.
Both suck.

I want to be home for my kids.


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## EKT915 (Sep 19, 2008)

I was not a latch key kid. My Mom worked in a school cafeteria so that way she could be home when we were finished school. My children will not be in latch key, fortunately if I have to work I can adjust my schedule to put them on the bus and be there when they get home. I think times have definitely changed. I think its really hard to live on one income. The cost of living seems to rise on a daily basis.


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## Kushali (Sep 17, 2006)

I started latchkey-ing at 10 years old. I remember my parents were sad about it but I was excited. I hated the day-care I was in and much preferred a couple hours of alone time.

When I was 11 or 12 I started staying home whole days when school was out and also started taking care of my sister after school. I got a dollar an hour to watch her and she got paid a quarter to behave. I think that helped prevent a lot of fighting.

I think it was a good experience. I was lucky that my mom was self-employed and could talk on the phone for a while or come home early if we needed her. I think a lot has to do with personality though. I was a serious and introverted kid.


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## kblackstone444 (Jun 17, 2007)

I trust my son. His Asperger's actually works to his advantage here- he's always been an overly cautious child, so he pays close attention how to take care of himself when I'm not around. He's been a "latchkey kid" periodically since he was 10, and regularly since he was twelve. (For the record, I work across the street from our home and I can get home in less than a minute, if I needed to.) My little girl? Well, I trust her not to intentionally get in trouble (she'll be 8 in a few days), but she's always been a bit... spacey... so I honestly can't see leaving her home alone in similar circumstances until she's... oh... 30! Seriously, I'm not sure she'd notice if the house was on fire.







: We're almost to the point where we are comfortable leaving my little girl in the care of my son for a few minutes while we walk the dogs, but we haven't actually tried it yet.


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## mommyoftwo (Apr 6, 2004)

I was a latchkey kid from age 8 and on and I was responsible for my younger sister. I didn't like it at all because I couldn't participate in any afterschool activities. And as I got older, I got into a bit of trouble unsupervised.

Where we live, and maybe this is true of most areas, public schools have pretty decent afterschool programs. My mom would have loved to have that option but it just wasn't available.

I am trying to find a balance now that my kids are school aged. I want to work a bit (I enjoy working) but I want to be home afterschool and on holidays.

Don't get me wrong, my parents were great but for my mother, parenting and working were constantly at odds. Heaven forbid we got sick for a few days.


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## MayBaby2007 (Feb 22, 2007)

I was a latch key kid starting around 5th grade.

I got myself in trouble. I stole my mom's cigarettes and starting smoking in the 5th grade (and I still do--working on quitting). I would get drunk around that age too. 6th grade, boys started coming home with me.

I'd have to say.....noooo. DD won't be a latch key kid









But, dd also won't have the kind of life I had...and I know that I will raise her to respect herself, to be responsible, instill morals and values in her, etc. So, maybe I could trust her. But, knowing the things I did when I was alone after school....I'm hesitant. It will depend on _her_, yk? (And maybe a Nanny-cam just in case







)


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

Coming home to an empty house wasn't unheard of but it wasn't the norm either. My mom used to leave a note with ideas for our snack and what time she would be home. I remember sometimes feeling sad when she wasn't there but it also meant I could do whatever I wanted for a while (for me, that was making iced tea with as much sugar as I wanted and when we had a TV, watching shows all afternoon!) In highschool I usually came home and watched my younger brothers while waiting for our parents to get home. I was in charge of watching them and doing the chores (bring in wood, fetch water, light the kitchen stove and start supper) as well as keeping my brothers in line. I didn't think much of it- it was just how it was and part of we all have responsibility in the family. My mom still left us notes and would draw silly pictures on them for my little brothers sake,


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## velochic (May 13, 2002)

I was a latch-key kid, but that was in the 70's in a very, very small town where everyone knew everyone else. No cell phones... heck, in my town the phone numbers weren't even 7 digits yet locally... mom worked an hour away. But it was never a problem. I guess the only thing that was bad about it was that my high school sweetheart and I started fooling around after school at a pretty young age (nothing serious, I was still quite innocent in those times, but more than if my mom had been home). I think that especially today, kids have a lot more exposure to tempting, harmful situations than they did when I was a kid. I'm sure the fact that I grew up in a rural farming community sheltered me. Perhaps in cities it was different in the 70's.

Today we live near a large metropolis on a busy street and I would never let my dd become a latch-key kid. I suppose her schooling situation would prohibit it anyway. She goes to a private school 45 minutes away and someone has to pick her up. Until she is old enough to drive, I don't see how she could be a latch-key kid.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I was.. I still remember being 4 1/2 and too sick to go to day care so my parents left me home alone. When I was in Kindergarten (I was 5, my oldest brother was 9 and the other was 7) I spent the year going to my grandparents house after school but then my grandparents decided it was too much to have my brothers and me there after school so we walked home. Our school was 3 1/2 miles down a major street from our school. We never had a grown up around after school until my mother couldn't work any longer than I took care of her since she couldn't be left alone (she had terminal cancer), I was 10. I HATED the the time we were left alone. Although I prefered being alone to having my oldest brother with me. He was physically, sexually and emotionally abusive to me. My parents ignored the problem or dismissed it. I still have a lot of issues from the abuse since even when my parents saw him doing it they did nothing, I ended up being abused by him for over 10 years before he moved out.

I will never do that to my children. If something happened to DH I would make sure I was close enough to someone I trusted to have watch them or I would work while they were at school.


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

I was a latchkey kid every day from 1st grade (so I was 6years old) on. I had a key around my neck (or I think we hid it somewhere early on). I was an only child. I'd come home, let myself in, and turn on the TV for company. I'd get my homework out and get down to it.

In one place we had the landlord in the building and he was friendly enough. The one time I remember being locked out he was there to help me. After that we had neighbors who could help if need be.

I don't recall there being any after school childcare available the way there is today. Around here every school has it now, usually run by the YMCA. But not then!

My children will NOT be latchkey kids. While I think I learned a great deal of responsibility and maturity doing it as a child. It is simply a different world today. We don't expect children to be able to do that. We no longer let them run off into the neighborhood for the day. Heck, most people don't let their kids walk to school alone or eve wait for the bus alone. I did all of this and then some. We don't raise our children like that now, whatever the reason, so no, my kids won't be latchkey kids.


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## knitted_in_the_wom (May 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *FondestBianca* 
were you a latchkey kid?

For a time, yes. I was in 2nd & 3rd grade, and my sister and I would walk home alone, then we had to wait outside our house for about an hour for our brother to get home from middle school--he had the key. I do not think this was a good set up in retrospect because I think my sister and I were too young for that; but if we were going to be there alone, we should have had *some* way to get into our house without waiting for our brother.

Quote:

is your child/children, or would you allow your child/children be latchkey?
Typically my husband or I am home when the kids get home from school--they are 4, 6, 8, 10 (next month) with the older 3 being in 1st, 3rd, and 5th grades.

We do sometimes leave the kids home alone for brief periods because they are well behaved, have our cell numbers, and handle it well. About a year ago we started that hubby and I would occassionally take a walk in our neighborhood for about a half hour, leaving the kids at the house. Now an hour to 1.5 hrs is our limit now. This does include that occassionally hubby and I will be out when the older kids get home from school--we leave a note letting them know what time we will be home. Mostly we are able to tell them in advance "we will not be home when yuo get home today, but we will be home by..."

Quote:

Have times really changed that much safety-wise or is it just that the general dos and don'ts of parenting have changed seperatly from any increased risk?
Actually, stranger abductions are DOWN from when we were kids. I think that the "do's and don'ts of parenting" have changed because of *perceived* increased risk from widespread media attention to traumatic child safety cases.

In my neighborhood most of the parents will not even let their kids play outside in their own yard unless a parent is out watching until the kids are in about 3rd grade. They also walk (or more often DRIVE!) them to the school bus stop. Last year I was the "bad parent" who didn't accompany my daughters to the bus stop--this year I do only because my 4 year old is up in the morning now and he wants to go with them. Of course he typically runs out the door and walks there before I can get out the door, and when we are walking back home he always wants to cut through yards (which I let him--all the neighbors think he is just so cute, they don't mind since he doesn't hurt anything--I've taught him to stick to the grassy edges of the yards, not the incredibly over-landscaped flower beds that these retirees are filling their backyards with anymore) while I prefer to stick to the sidewalk...so it's not like I'm walking with him anyway. LOL

I find it very frustrating that I walked 5 or 6 blocks alone to kindergarten--crossing streets (quiet, residential) and all...but the principal at the kindergarten center would not allow my son to get off at the bus stop unless an adult was there to pick him up even though his walk was literally past 2 houses, cut through the side yard between the 2nd & 3rd house, and he'd be in our backyard. Only street he needed to cross would be supervised by the bus driver.

I don't think we are doing our kids any favors. My first grade son is *afraid* to walk to the bus stop by himself, and I think a lot of that is because of how the principal of the kindergarten center said to me (in her sing-song "mother-ese" voice that I DESTEST) right in front of him "well I wouldn't want to be responsible if someone saw your adorably cute son after he got off the bus and kidnapped him!"

Jenn


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## knitted_in_the_wom (May 27, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kirei* 
with that in mind, i believe there is a certain age where it is illegal to have a child home alone, and i don't know what that age is, but that will definitely play a part, lol.

Might be...but not in my state.

You ask how I might know this? Sigh. Dad's have different standards you know.









When I was working full time days after my 3rd child was born, I found out after the fact that DH was running DD#2 to preschool while leaving DD#1 (6 years old--we were homeschooling her) home with DS (not quite a year old--he would be napping during this). He would be gone for approximately 20 minutes. The arrangement was that he would call the house with his cell phone to leave his number on caller ID so that if DD#1 needed to call him, she could just push "caller ID" then the "Talk" button. Often DD#1 would answer the phone to chat with him as he drove.

Well one day she picked up on the phone after just one ring--so his cell number didn't get on caller ID. The last caller prior to that was our pediatrician's office, calling to remind us about a well baby check. DD#1 apparently thought DH was taking too long to get home, so she attempted to call him...but called the pediatrician instead. And they called the police.

So a few minutes after DH gets home, a police officer shows up at the door. Verified that the kids were fine, and then left. CPS called a few days later to follow up on the report of "child neglect" and the social worker specifically told me that our state does not have a law about how young is too young to leave a child home alone so since nothing had happened, we would not be charged. But if something were to happen where the child got injured or hurt in any way, the parent would typically be charged with child neglect if the child were less than 13 for a short parental absence, older than 13 would be if there were an extended absence (like over night).


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I didn't answer all the questions- just that I wasn't really a latchkey kid.

_is your child/children, or would you allow your child/children be latchkey?_
Not unless I couldn't find another way to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I would really like to have a parent home when DS comes home from school. Even though being home alone was kind of fun, I also felt sad and I don't want DS to have that. I want him to come home from school and have a parent there to ask about his day, make him a snack and not have him wait for us to have time to hear about what's going on with him.

_Have times really changed that much safety-wise or is it just that the general dos and don'ts of parenting have changed seperatly from any increased risk?_

I don't think times have really changed that much, it's just our awareness of the dangers out there that have changed. I believe there have always been dangerous people in the world. When I was younger I was able to wander all over the 'city' with no fears. If I thought someone was following me, my car broke down or spooked myself, I would go to the first house I came to. In fact I remember getting rides from strangers, knocking on someone's door because my car broke down and they invited me in, offered as snack and let me hang out while waiting for my help to arrive. But I may not answer the door if a stranger appeared and I really wouldn't invite them in.

Perhaps we should have feared people more in the past but maybe it was that there weren't other options so we did what could be done and made the best of it.


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## MommaCrystal (May 25, 2006)

I think we are doing a disservice to children in a lot of ways these days. We just are not teaching them responsibility anymore. I'm not sure having them stay home alone is the way to teach them that, but the fact that few people do it these days is another symptom.

I work in schools so I see A LOT of kids. Children today do not have to remember what bus they ride on, or things they need for the day - ie. sneakers for gym. In schools around here parents have to sign the homework assignment pads every night or the class sylabus at the beginning of every semester. If the child does not do the homework it is the parents fault. Heck, we don't even ask them to fill out the bubble sheets on the tests - teacher's aides do that now! Just in case the poor children mess it up!

Children don't have to remember their addresses or their phone numbers (everything is on speed dial on the cell phone!) I was a camp counselor this summer. I taught crafts. I had the kids write postcards home. I told them to write their address on the front. Out of 50 kids, 2 could do it! These were kids up to 11 years old!

We don't send kids out to play by themselves. We structure every minute of their day.

Staying home alone is another symptom of all of this. I'm won't leave my kids alone until they are 12 at least (the legal age around here) for my own reasons and I certainly am not suggesting leaving them home is the best way to teach responsibility. But as I said, I see it as a symptom.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

Yes, from about 7-13. It was fine for me, I loved to read and watch game shows after school so I was not getting into any trouble. I did like the independence and I had small chores I was supposed to do before my mom came home, like unloading the dishwasher.

When I was 13, my mom remarried, and had my sister, so during high school we then read and watched games shows together after school, and that was nice too.

My own daughter--I'm not sure if we could do latch key. She's got a much more daring personality, even at 3. I don't know if she'd stay at our house the way I did. (Maybe she'll mature and it'll be a different story.) Also, we live on a busy country road now, and we back up to a river so that could be dangerous--when I was little we lived in your typical 70's cul de sac house in a development, my aunt was two streets away if I needed her, etc.


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

I was a latchkey kid and I was miserable. I was tormented during school and latchkey wasn't any different. The teachers in charge were far more lax about what was going on than in normal school. I loved school itself, just was miserable with most of the other kids. If your child is a social creature and popular it probably wouldnt' be a problem.

I plan on homeschooling my kids, but if something does happen and they have to go to school I Will Not use latchkey.


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## jeca (Sep 21, 2002)

I was never a latch key kid. My mom didn't go back to work during the day full time until I was in high school. My sister was though, she's 11 years younger than me.

My kids will not be latch key kids there is currently no need for them to be. DH or I are always home by the time they get out of school.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I was and I watched waay too much tv b/c of it. Also, I hated not being able to participate in after school activities.

Then around 8th grade, I started making trouble for myself after school.

I will try to avoid it with ds.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

OceansEve wrote:

Quote:

I was tormented during school and latchkey wasn't any different. The teachers in charge were far more lax about what was going on than in normal school.








: Did your school have an after-school program called Latchkey? That's what it sounds like you're talking about. I think most people on this thread are talking about "being latchkey kids" meaning "going home and staying alone until parents get home."


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## 77589 (Mar 7, 2007)

Oh, yeah, that's what our afterschool program was called


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## reece19 (May 21, 2008)

I was a latchkey kid from probably age 9. I absolutely loved it! I was an only child. I think my parents came home and hour or an hour and a half after I got off the bus. I really enjoyed the time alone, and I thrived on the responsibility.

My kids are 10 and 11, and they stay home alone. Since I'm in grad school, my hours aren't 9-5 every day, so they don't come home every day to an empty apartment, but do sometimes. I think they generally enjoy it as much as I did.


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## alexsam (May 10, 2005)

No and no.

I know it is a personal choice and _some_ kids are up the responsibility, but in general, I don't believe most kids are. There are some pretty scary things that can happen and I don't think most grade-school age kids are truly prepared for (a fire, a stranger at the door, etc.). And adult might *think* the child is prepared, but in an intimidating situation... I don't think it is fair to ask them to deal with that. And to be responsible for other kids? I don't think that grade-school kids really possess the maturity of thought to really be able to do that well either. I could think of a whole bunch of situations in which a grade-school child alone at home would be unprepared to keep themselves safe. Let themselves in and hang out 15 minutes until the baby sitter gets there? I could see that. But hours and hours? No way.

I could never see myself asking my sons to do this. I'd pretty much do anything within my power to prevent it, as I feel it is unsafe and too much to put on a child.


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## Arwyn (Sep 9, 2004)

If you look at the hard numbers, the world is just as safe today as it was 20 years ago, or 50, or 80. The odds of something really bad happening (stranger danger, etc) are real, but really really small. It's our _perception_ of things that have changed. So it's not that it's so much more dangerous to leave older kids home alone today than it used to be, but that it's so much less socially acceptable.


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