# Waiting to miscarry



## MrsGraffy (Apr 14, 2008)

Hi. I found out 2 weeks ago that our baby had passed away. I should have been 11 weeks, but the baby was measuring about 7. I told the doctor that I wanted things to happen naturally, and he was fine with that. I'm waiting on the results of my 3rd blood draw that I had this morning, the first 2 going from 44,000 to 34,000.

I've had just the _tiniest_ bit of spotting for about a week now, but not even enough that it shows up on my underwear. Just a little when I wipe, usually threaded through what looks like creamy cm. And the last 2 days it's been pretty nonexistent.

I guess I'm just writing because I need support. I'm feeling like this miscarriage is never going to happen, and I worry if I go too much longer the doc will start pressuring me for a d&c, which I really want to avoid. I know there's the cytotec option, but I'm not too keen on that either. I want to trust that my body will do what it needs to do, but I guess I'm starting to get a little panicky.

I never thought I'd be "looking forward" to a miscarriage, but I really am just ready to at least have some signs that something is happening. When I first saw the trace of blood on the tp I thought things would start moving along, but I guess not.

Ugh.


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## MommyinMN (Oct 18, 2007)

I don't really have an advice to offer but I am very sorry you have to go through this.


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## moonglowmama (Jan 23, 2002)

Hi. I'm sorry for where you're at. I've been there, trusting my body, worried too. During my second miscarriage, our baby died at 12-13 weeks. I carried her for 11 weeks before she was born. It was a hard road at times, often because of all the scare tactics coming from well-meaning family that I might get an infection, the baby will disintegrate, and numerous other things, none of which happened. I had some initial spotting, then nothing. She just fell out of me one day, umbilical cord attached. We had a burial ceremony at our house, then 2 days later I went into hard labor and had lots of clots and bleeding, which all stopped when the placenta came out. The whole story is much longer, but those are the basics.

I've come to realize that there are no "normal" ways to miscarry. There are many different ways, and it works best for you to know what you need and to trust your body. If you need to wait and do it naturally, then do so, and if you decide to change your mind, you can. I imagine that in the process you will learn a lot about yourself, the same way we do when we carry a baby to term, or anytime we go through labor. Losing a baby isn't cut and dry, it's a journey.

And just to reassure you, most people take no where near the length of time it took me to have Stella and complete the miscarriage. I know that's scary to hear 11 weeks. But that was just the way it needed to be for that loss, and I actually learned a lot during that loss experience.

Again, I'm sorry.

eta: here's the link of stella's birth story, in case you want to know more of those details:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hp/t-7575.html


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## CityChic (Jan 18, 2007)

I just want to offer support. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

I am so sorry.








Strength and peace to you... ...


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## heatherh (Jun 25, 2005)

I've been there, too. My first m/c seemed to take forever. We found out in February near the end of the first trimester and I didn't start cycling normally until July. I had weird off and on bleeding, false starts, thought it was over moments well into April.

I think in most cases it doesn't drag out that long. I think my 2nd m/c is pretty much over now, and that happened more all at once. This time, I had spotting and found out on May 27th that the baby had passed. I had off and on bleeding with some tissue-like stuff and small clots, then the m/c started full force on June 13th. I bled/spotted for 20 days after that and now it appears to be over.

Normal varies a lot. Wishing you peaceful (not too long) waiting.









One other thing - you don't have to keep going back to the doc if you don't want to. As long as you feel OK (no fever, other flu type signs) all he can do is monitor you and pressure you to "do something."


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## MrsGraffy (Apr 14, 2008)

Thanks for your support ladies, it means a lot.

moonglowmama: Thanks for your story about your little Stella. You're right, there is no "normal". I've heard so many different things.

heatherh: Thanks for your story as well. At this point I'm just going for bloodwork, which I'm fine with, because I'm just interested to know what my numbers are doing. They're down about 15,000 from last week, so obviously things are going on.

The nurse was surprised nothing was happening yet, and thought if that was the case again in another week, the doctor would probably want to talk to me about options. I really hope something happens between now and then because I'm afraid I'll succumb to the pressure to have a d&c. It's hard being pregnant with a baby who's passed. Mentally and emotionally, obviously, but also, and this may sound shallow, physically. I don't want to wear maternity clothes, and I'm not really big enough to wear them anyway, but I don't fit well into most of my regular clothes. I have an obvious pooch, and I just feel like a big ol' frumpy blob most of the time. I guess it's just hard to look pregnant when you know there isn't going to be a baby in the end.


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## Ninibini (Oct 24, 2007)

((Hugs)) I am sorry you are going through this. I just miscarried last week. I found out at 10 weeks that the baby had passed at 6 weeks, so I like you had been carrying the baby around 4 weeks already. I miscarried naturally at 2 days shy of 11weeks. It is truly hard to wait, but in my opinion worth it. As long as you can emotionally stand it, physically you are okay to carry the baby as long as you are void of a temperature and stomach pain. It is common for it to take until the end of the first trimester for your body to reject the baby. What helped for me was saying out loud that it was okay for the baby to go, and mentally telling myself that I was ready for this. I layed on the couch saying it over and over again - immediately things started happening. It was just like labor. ( I have 2 kiddos who were born naturally.) The cramps started off slight and far apart and became stronger and closer together...until they were one on top of the other! I passed about 5 clots total, the last one being the largest...the products of conception. The bleeding itself was pretty minimal. A relief after reading some of the scary stories on here. I only used a regular pad and changed it a fews times. The whole process took 2 hours. I felt like new within 10 minutes. Two nights later I passed the remains of the placenta, with no pain.
Please PM if you have any questions at all. You are in my thoughts!!


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## heatherh (Jun 25, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MrsGraffy* 
...this may sound shallow, physically. I don't want to wear maternity clothes, and I'm not really big enough to wear them anyway, but I don't fit well into most of my regular clothes. I have an obvious pooch, and I just feel like a big ol' frumpy blob most of the time. I guess it's just hard to look pregnant when you know there isn't going to be a baby in the end.

I totally hear you there. I'm still in the inbetween phase and it sucks. I still have a curve in my lower abdomen that drives me crazy... Nobody but DH and I would be able to tell but it's just enough so my clothes fit funny. And my boobs make it so all my shirts are too short. So yeah, many teary breakdowns over clothes lately.


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## veronicalynne (Nov 4, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss









In my first pregnancy, I lost my baby around the same time approx. 11 weeks. I am not sure but I think maybe the baby died before and I just didnt know it because I had quite a bit of bleeding and it wasnt confirmed that I lost the baby until I actually physically miscarried and they did blood tests etc. Please dont be too hard on yourself and give yourself time to grieve.


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so so sorry mama.


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## crystaldawn (May 6, 2007)

I'm really sorry (((HUGS)))

Your story is very similar to mine. I felt like I waited forever. I was fortunate enough to have an OB that was supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Eventually I decided to have a d&c... I was so tired of walking around "still pregnant" I was worried that at any time I'd miscarry and spent nearly the whole three weeks in the house not wanting to get to the beach or playground or store with my two children in tow and have something happen. It really was the worst few weeks I've probably ever had. After my surgery I felt almost immediately better emotionally. Surely I grieved but it was more final, I was able to move on if that makes sense.

I hope that things happen for you soon.


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## pattigirlny (Nov 26, 2001)

So sorry to hear of your loss. I hope things have progressed for you by now. I am also in your situation. I just found out Thurs.,after going for a Nuchal Translucency Test to help ease our fears of not having a healthy baby (i am 40). Of course, as soon as they began the ultrasound, I saw no flicker of the heart. I just knew it. This had happenned to me during my 1st pregnancy at my 16 week visit. That was a total shock. Very traumatizing.With this one I almost felt no emotion.I didnt cry until I left the office and drove home and called my husband. I was 12 weeks....they think the baby died at 10 weeks. So now, I just wait. I however am actually fearful of having a natural miscarriage. I had a d&c with the 1st because I wanted the baby checked for any chromosomsal abnormalites....none. I kinda want a d&c again....but not sure if my insurance will pay because we didnt have pregnancy coverage in our insurance.We didnt really plan on having any more children. I have 2 now...10 and 7.We are blessed. Anyway...i do have the slightest bleeding or spotting....but I am still scared to go through it naturally. Scared of the amount of bleeding,scared for what my kids may see,they didnt know we were pregnant yet. I am scared to see the baby. I just want you to know that we are not alone....this happens to so many women...it just sucks when it happens to you.Great bigs hugs to you and keep us posted on your outcome. We are here for eachother.


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## stardust swallower (Jun 19, 2008)

I just found out today that our baby died just past 6wks -- I thought I was almost 10 wks. The image of that little lifeless creature reappears constantly. I try to wish it a peaceful goodbye each time, thanking it for coming into our lives if ever so briefly.

I share sadness with you all out there. So glad you started this thread, MrsGraffy. I, too, have only had light spotting until now and plan to wait for a natural miscarriage. I'm hoping that now that my mind has caught up with my body things will start to happen...

I've taken great comfort in my 4yr old today -- we hadn't told him. Each time I look at him I remember how fortunate I am and I remind myself that my body is capable, powerful, and knowledgeable.

peace and strength to all of us


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## RainbowEarthFaerie (Oct 11, 2006)

Same here. I found out yesterday that although my sac is still growing, the baby passed 3 weeks ago. I don't know how long its going to take.


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## lil_miss_understood (Jul 19, 2006)

Waiting is so hard. It's even harder when it's not something you really want to be looking forward to. I'm sorry for your loss, and the loss each of you is experiencing.


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## jess_paez (Jul 5, 2008)

i'm so sorry mama. i don't know if it will give you any support or help you, but the miscarriage sticky above gives lots of info on other moms experiences with miscarriages.*hugs*


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## pattigirlny (Nov 26, 2001)

It happened naturally to me on Tues. night. Not to be negative but it was painful! The'contractions'I felt that day were begining to get uncomfortable around
dinner time. But at 10 pm....the pains were horrible! I had some gushes of blood....intermittently(sp.?) I called doc to know what to expect and how I would know if something wasnt right....he said...it could be 1-3 hours long....and if blood poured out and didnt stop to go to hosp. The pouring out happened every so often,clumps and clots,some pretty large came out, with contraction like pain every few minutes! I was hot and sweaty, I threw up,...i was very uncomfortable....hated sitting on the toilet and changing a pad every 15 minutes or so....it felt like labor but without the light at the end of the tunnel. I never did see the sac or baby....but at 1am i was in bed on my side and felt something fall into my vagina. I made it to the bathroom and what i think was the placenta fell into the toilet. It looked sorta like a livery sausage. Almost immediately, the pains were gone and i felt ok.It totally sucked.......but I was glad it was over. I dont want to scare you, but everyone is different and it is good to know what it could be like to be a little better prepared. Good luck to you...and all the best.


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## michelle.english19 (Jun 13, 2008)

Oh, ladies--It is such a terrible thing to experience but reading that I'm not the only one to have the experience makes me feel a bit better.

I was 10 weeks pregnant with my third angel. Started bleeding. It wasn't that heavy but I knew what it meant....mother's instinct. I went to the dr. and there was no heartbeat on the U/S. She thought it had died about 3 weeks earlier. She wanted to do a D&C but my husband and I had discussed that the nite before and decided that we would let Mother Nature continue what she had already started.

Our dr. warned us of all this terrible bleeding and pain. She REALLY pushed for a D&C but we declined. I started cramping at 4 p.m. that day. It was ALL over by 6 p.m. At that time the placenta just fell right out of me. The cramps were not terrible by any means. I mean, they hurt, but I've hurt myself worse stubbing my toe! The bleeding was rarely minimal. In fact, b/c it was so light I'm kind of thinking that the cause was insufficient uterine lining.

I was absolutely fascinated by the placenta and was sooo glad that I was able to see it and hold it in my own hands. I know the d&c has its advantages but it wasn't for us this time around (hopefully there isn't another "time around"). And I had a great deal of peace at doing it naturally, in learning to trust my body (b/c I want a VBAC after 2 C/S with my 1st two).
In seeing the miracle of conception. I mean, it didn't turn out the way we wanted but it was still absolutely amazing to me to see how much had occurred already that was miraculous.

Anyway, I just wanted to chime in for those who are still waiting. I had several girlfriends tell me that they bled more than they ever thought and that it was more painful than they ever thought. But that just wasn't my experience at all. To me, it's just proof that we're all different and we have to listen to our hearts and that little voice inside our head that pushes us to make whatever decision(s) we have.

Hugs to all of you who are feeling the same sense of loss as I am. I miss my little angel. I would be starting to show now and feeling movement in a few short weeks. I just miss having that little life inside of me.

I'm trying to remain positive that it was an isolated incident and that I will get to have one more little angel.

--Michelle


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## tree-hugger (Jul 18, 2007)

It can take awhile sometimes, but your body will do what it needs to do when it needs to do it. In my first pregnancy, the heart stopped beating at around 9 weeks. This miscarriage didn't happen for 5 months--then the fetus came out and the placenta followed a couple days later. You could see the tiny arms and legs and head--it didn't disintegrate or anything after all that time. I was and am perfectly fine--I didn't get an infection or explode or go crazy or have any other horrible things happen to me, despite the arrogant doctor (who I fired) freaking out about it. I am very glad that I didn't have a D&C and didn't do cytotec. Trusting my body and letting it wait helped me to eventually find peace. It's a very personal decision--and your gut feeling is probably right.

ETA--I think it's very unusual for it to take as long as I waited. I'm just telling my story so that folks will know that even if it seems to be taking a very long time, it might be natural and right for your body.


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## michelle.english19 (Jun 13, 2008)

I agree. I, too, found a tremendous amount of peace about the whole thing after having the miscarriage naturally. I have two boys (1 and 2 years old) and they were both delivered via C-section. Their births were done TO me. I had to be engaged in this experience. I had to experience it. I had to be awake for it. I had to trust my body in order to give myself the best chance possible of delivering my third child, whenever we are blessed with him/her, vaginally.

I really have had very little intense grief over this loss. For some reason, I'm totally at peace with it. I spiritually accept it. I can't explain it but I do know, unequivocally, that experiencing the miscarriage naturally, contributed to that sense of peace for me.

Every woman is different. On a different day, a D&C may have been the right choice for me. On that day, it wasn't and I'm just so glad that I listened to that little voice inside my head. FI think it rarely leads us astray


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## RainbowEarthFaerie (Oct 11, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *michelle.english19* 
I agree. I, too, found a tremendous amount of peace about the whole thing after having the miscarriage naturally. I have two boys (1 and 2 years old) and they were both delivered via C-section. Their births were done TO me. I had to be engaged in this experience. I had to experience it. I had to be awake for it. I had to trust my body in order to give myself the best chance possible of delivering my third child, whenever we are blessed with him/her, vaginally.

This is how I feel exactly. I have had 3 cesareans and I will complete this m/c naturally, just in case it is my last chance at a vaginal birth.


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