# Moms with sons



## nhoutdoormama (Oct 22, 2007)

Hi Mamas. I'm new to posting here, but I could use a little help processing a conversation I was part of the other day; it's still bothering me. I don't even know if I'm posting in the right place. (Pleas move it if necessary.)

As background, I am the blissfully happy Mama of three little boys, 6 mos, 3 yrs, and 5 yrs. We did not know the gender of our first 2 babes, but did with our third. While pregnant with my third, I felt like I received comments pretty regularly re: how unfortunate it was that we were having another boy. (Can you imagine?!) And they continue to this day! Total strangers will comment that it's "too bad" that I have 3 sons, I must have been so disappointed to have another son instead of a daughter. I've heard things like "Sons will grow up and leave, ya know." "Boys don't stay close with their Moms/families, etc." "Better you than me." "Gonna try for a girl?" And I feel like I am so often hearing women talk about how much they dislike their MILs.

So, the other morning I am sitting with my youngest while my older 2 were in an organized activity, and the two women sitting at a table with me proceed to have a conversation about how glad they are that they had daughters instead of sons. They were still including me in the conversation, sort of explaining to me why daughters were better. Of course, my littlest babe didn't understand what was being said, but I felt so sad hearing this! The conversation continued right in front of us until I finally got up to tend to my older boys.

I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance/support. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do to handle such comments? Of course I think I would have loved to have had a daughter, maybe I will someday, maybe not. But I am so thankful for my wonderful, happy, healthy children. I feel so blessed. And I HATE the thought of them receiving these messages that there is something wrong with them because of their gender! And that my life is "less than" because I have sons.

Thank you for your help!


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## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

I three sons. I was sad for a minute when I found out ds#3 was male, but honestly, he's spoilt rotten by me, and I have loved every second of being with him. (As well as ds#1 and ds#2!)
I usually just look at who ever as though they are mad. They get the message very quickly!

I have actually seen more sons living close to their parents than daughters, so I guess once a mommys boy, always a mommys boy?

As to hating the MIL, it's usually with good reason. I plan to learn from my MIL's errors and not make the same mistake.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

I hear the "boys are so loud/obnoxious/rowdy/messy/whathaveyou" all the time. It drives me crazy. If people were making disparaging generalized comments about girls, someone would say something. I hate that most of the generalizations about boys are negative. At this point in time, I think boys are almost more pigeon-holed than girls are.

My MIL has this rhyme that makes me want to hurl: A son is a son til he finds a wife, a daughter's a daughter all of her life. And she has three boys!

I tend to be incredibly blunt when I find people's comments are rude, so I would just say "I love having boys. Please don't make negative comments about them in front of me."


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## musikat (Oct 30, 2002)

I have three sons, too.







I have had my share of comments. Usually of the "hands full" variety, or just "Three boys. Wow." But one time I was in a kid store and my then 3-4 year old oldest was going loudly around the store on a ride-on airplane that was out for display when the woman checking out ahead of me said to the woman behind the counter "That's why I had daughters." Yeah. Like she had a choice.

I don't know what the future holds. Neither do moms of daughters. There are no guarantees of future closeness. I am also on a raising all boys board somewhere else. This topic as well as the MIL one comes up frequently. Many moms with more experience than I (I am in a lesbian relationship and my partner's mom passed away before we had children, but I never had issues with her) say their husbands are just as close to their moms as their sisters/SILs, etc.

Try not to let it bother you too much.


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## eepster (Sep 20, 2006)

I don't really hear things like that about boys, but I've just got the one.

As far as not becoming one of those MILs, I have a simple solution. I don't plan to become a racist














like DH's mom when DS grows up.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

I have 4 wonder handsome sons







I have a very close relationship with them and hope to continue it the rest of my life. My 4 all have very different personalities. I do not pine for a girl. I love watching football, soccer , lacrosse etc.

When I announced my 4th pregnancy and that it was another boy I actually had a woman at my church say "Im sorry"
Well at the church picnic I showed up with a t-shirt that said Yes Im pregnant and its anther boy AND we are VERY happy about it.

Nope Im not trying for a girl. God felt I was a mom for all boys and Im the best boy mom I can be


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## lilmom (Nov 9, 2008)

I only have one child, a boy, and we already get these comments..how girls are easier, when are we gonna have a girl, etc. and it drives me absolutely nuts! I LOVE my son and I love that he is a boy!

The worst is my MIL who lately has been very adamant that we "NEED" to have a girl. She doesn't know we have been ttc and it's not working..but that's another topic..it just upsets me that she wants a girl. The last time she made that comment I told her "we would love for DS to have a sibling" and she actually said "Well only if it's a girl!" OMG like we could control that anyway. I would love to have a girl but I would also love to have another boy. Or 2, or whatever God gives me.

I just don't understand that whole line of thinking, that you MUST have one of each, etc etc


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## treegardner (May 28, 2009)

This thread is very interesting because all I have heard is the opposite. I only have 1 child, a boy, and all I hear is how "boys are so much easier than girls" and "boys love their moms so much." FWIW, DH is actually pretty close with my mom. They have a lot in common and get along really well.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I'm starting to think a lot of people just blab without considering what they're saying. They mean no harm, but unfortunately words can be a terrible weapon if misused.

I have three boys too.




























I would *love* to have a girl. Someday I might, God willing, since we do not use any sort of family planning. But I would not trade any of my boys for a girl, because each of my sons is so unique and precious and I wouldn't want them to be different. And quite honestly, I think how the adult relationships end up is a function of how well or poorly the parents related too and raised their children, not the gender. My mom's family was massively dysfunctional (abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, etc). The old saying might ring true for her family. Her brothers are all angry and only cared about their mother to the extent that they were expecting an inheritance, while my mom actually took care of her in her last years. But on my dad's side, what we see is multiple generations of loving, caring family, with _both_ sons and daughters maintaining close relationships with their parents for life.

Even if my boys and I don't have the kind of relationship I'd have with a daughter when they're grown, that doesn't mean that our relationship is worthless or would be "better" if they were girls. It might be different, but that's OK. My sons are awesome little men and I am looking forward to watching them grow up into awesome big men.









I got quite a few comments when my second child turned out to be another boy, and even more when the third was yet another. It often made me very upset to hear people's attitudes. No, this wasn't our attempt for a girl. No, we weren't trying for a girl. No we're not going to "try again for a girl"--we don't try, we don't aim for a certain gender, we're just open to whoever God gives us, and if that's 10 boys, that's great!

Now, to be fair, I've also gotten the other extreme "Wow, three boys, you are so lucky! Girls are hell to raise." That's just as sad, IMO.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Another mom of 3 boys here! I get these comments too. Lots of "Wow!" and "Hands full" type comments. And then once in a while an odd positive comment, like the old man in the grocery store who told me that if I were Greek I'd be so lucky to have so many sons, or the post-partum nurse I had after DS3 was born who said my DH is "very lucky!" It all just seems so weird to me. How can one gender be good or bad? I just feel so blessed to have 3 healthy children. If we were lucky enough to have anymore, I certainly wouldn't be disappointed in any of them.

I just try to respond to these comments in such a way that my children know how great I think they are, even if the random busybody is disappointed by our lack of daughters.


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## AustinMom (Jul 16, 2008)

I only have one son, and am prego with #2, and everyone has asked me, do you want a girl this time? Or, i think you should have a girl. As if it's something I choose, which in reality, it's all up to the sperm. I especially hate it from the inlaws because, if you get down to the science of it, if we don't have girls, it's hubby's "fault", so they should take it up with their side of the family..LOL!

I don't plan on finding out the sex, I honestly don't care. If I had another boy, I can only see how cool it would be to be queen of the house!!! You feel very taken care of.

If it's a girl, I'll do all the dress up, and pig tails and such. I don't care either way.

I think I would be rather blunt and say something like "what if you found out your parents wanted a girl instead of you? Or a boy? Gee, that would make you feel crappy huh?"


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## ~Demeter~ (Jul 22, 2006)

I had 3 boys and then a girl... I used to get those comments a lot. Or.. are you gonna try for a girl? Then when we had a girl, I heard.. are you done now that you got a girl? People are rude and often don't realize what they are saying and how it effects the person they are saying it to. If two other women were sitting with me telling me how great having daughters is, I would definitely express how AWESOME boys are and how special ALL children are and how each one enriches our lives in different ways.


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## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

I have one boy and am pregnant now. I get tons of infuriating comments like, "I hope you get your girl". Drives me insane. I would be thrilled with a house full of boys. I honestly don't care if this little one is a girl or a boy. I said this in front of family and my aunt said "Oh no, you have to have a girl. Boys go away and you never see them but girls stick around". Whatever, yes she sees her daighter. Neither of them work so they see each other most of the day, EVERY day and have no other friends. Very healthy.

So, I guess what I am saying is I feel your pain.


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## pacificbliss (Jun 17, 2006)

Oh yeah, I also frequently shoot back that boys are nicer to their mothers growing up just to get a dig in. Probably no more true than the idea that your sons will go away at 18 and never talk to you again.


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## hillymum (May 15, 2003)

I forgot to say that when I take the boys out for a meal we get many compliments! Lot's of "I bet your treated like a queen by them" and "they are such little gentlemen". I find them to be very easy going on the whole. I love how my 9yr old and 5 yr old take turns cuddling me in the evening.


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

musikat said:


> I have three sons, too.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

My sons are still 2 and 3.5, so I have no idea what it will be like when they're grown, obviously -- but my mom had five kids, two of them boys... and guess which of her kids didn't move out of state? The two sons. And my one brother who is married has a terrific wife who gets along great with my mother. My uncle is still very close with my grandmother. My husband is one of four boys, and they remain close with their mother, even though they don't all live nearby, and she LOVES having had all boys. She said it's a different dynamic than families of all girls, or of boys-and-girls. And I'm sure that's true, it probably is generally different in some ways! I think people can get hung up on the idea that the dynamic that they're used to/enjoy is the only one that is enjoyable or successful? Kind of a narrow view.

My two eldest are daughters (and it goes both ways - when we were pg with our third, we got LOTS of comments about how we were probably hoping for a boy. We actually had gotten pretty comfy with the idea of having 6 girls at that point!) and I certainly don't envision a future where I have a continuing deep relationship with them and not with my sons. I also have no intention of having issues with any future DILs. I'm not the sort of person to have conflict with people, so I don't anticipate starting with them! I assume that women who have more conflict with people (the kind due to strong personality, etc.) in their lives might be more susceptible to having conflict with DILs as well.

I think the mother-son bond is a very special one, and I am glad to have sons in my life. I also have seen the MIL/DIL relationship be a very good one in several cases... of course not all, but it can happen, and when it does it's a really beautiful thing.


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## PreggieUBA2C (Mar 20, 2007)

I have had all the comments too, since being pg with ds2. This time, when people ask if I'm hoping for a girl, I say with a light humourous tone, "A girl would be nice, but I don't know if we'll have one. I think we make boys only. At least the evidence points that way! I love having boys. Or girls. I'm happy with either."

Granted, I now live in a very liberal and progressive region, and these comments now come with an anticipation of my openness to both sexes anyway. Most people here would be horrified if I expressed a greater desire for a girl over a boy or in reverse, so they ask in a way that has already assumed a positive response from me.

In our former residence, I think I'd probably be having some very unsavoury and definitely indelicate exchanges now that we have at least four boys and I am much more confident than I was then. I had two boys when we left the other place, and already I was avoiding going out with them; dh and I used to take turns staying in the car while the other ran into to stores, offices, etc..., just to avoid the very frequent comments.








OOooooo, I do NOT miss living there.

Here, the comments are overwhelmingly positive.

OP, I hope that you will take courage to speak directly or to remove your sons from the negative influences of ignorant people who demean them. I don't know your son, but at 6 months, all but one of my babes was already talking in two-word phrases and there is no doubt that they were picking up what they heard to some extent. I mention their precocity only to demonstrate that because they spoke, I could never assume that they were not understanding or that they weren't paying attention. I also have no doubt that our one babe who waited to talk and other babes as well, also pick things like this up, and internalise them. Your son does register when you tell him you love him, when you call him endearing names or just call him by his name endearingly. That by itself would already set up the framework within which he would be able to distinguish loving talk from demeaning talk.

A 6 month old is very competent, barring any special challenges to that, of course. Their whole world exists within the context of communication. They are gaining mastery and may even be more aware of subtle nuances than they will be later on when they are more distracted by their own pursuits.

This may not fit your situation, but I thought I'd share anyway, just in case.


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## UberMama (Feb 27, 2007)

I have twin boys and a girl.

When we found out our twins were boys, we got the, "Oh, you don't get one of each?" and then a sad look. After we had them, we got the question of if were going to try for another to "get our girl." And once we were pg again, we were asked if we hoped for a girl this time (I was hoping for a boy, it's what I knew!). And once we found out we had a girl, we got the, "Now you can stop having babies!"

I think it happens no matter what. I tell people now that if I had to do it over, I'd take twin boys each pregnancy over a singleton girl. I'm kidding, but my daughter was the most demanding baby ever. Compared to her, my twins were easy peasy, even with two of them. It's how it is today still, my daughter is more demanding and needy. I think it has to do with my boys having one another and not being as dependent on DH and I?

I figure if you are a parent, you are da*ned if you do and da*ned if you don't - this goes for the gender of kids you have, how you parent them, etc. Everyone has a say about everything. :/


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## Marylizah (Jun 17, 2005)

I hear this a lot, and I only have one boy so far (am pregnant with baby #2, and actually I know the sex, but DH doesn't, so I can't say what I'm having online). But even before getting pregnant, I would hear moms talking about how hard boys are, or how much better they like girls. My own mom, who is a wonderful grandmother to DS, would have preferred that he be a she.

It makes me so sad. I look at my sweet, loving, cuddly, funny little boy and wonder how anyone could say that it would have been better for him to be a girl. It's like saying, it would have been better for him to be someone else completely.

And several moms I know, who have 2 or more girls, were sooooo elated to find out the sex of their kids and so relieved that they were having more girls. If I were to act like that when announcing the sex of this next baby (assuming for a moment it's a boy) I'd probably be accused of sexism.

Anyway, you've got my sympathy. That attitude drives me nuts. All children are blessings, regardless of sex!


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## Kwgrlup (Nov 12, 2005)

My two oldest are boys and have a 6 month old daughter. I did not know the gender of #3, so I well know those comments. I actually had a woman come up to me while pregnant when I had my nephew with me (so it looked like I had 3 boys) and say I sure hope this one is a girl. I told her it was a boy, and I never wanted a girl...lol. I am not going to lie, I wanted a little girl this last time, and was thrilled to get a daughter, though I would have been just as happy to have another boy ( I was acutally really shocked I did not have a boy). I still have people coming up to me telling me how excited I must be to finally have my girl. I know they means well, but I still always tell my boys how happy I am to have had them first. As a mother who wanted all girls, and no boys. I am so happy to have been blessed with my boys. They love their Mama so much, and I have found I am actually a better suited mother for boys then girls...







.


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## Mrs.Burke (May 14, 2009)

I have friends who have 3 or two sons and no daughters at all although they also wanted a daughter they have wonderful kids and we other friends never say things that would hurt the parents about them having just sons..


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## EmmyJane (Jun 7, 2009)

I actually had the opposite from 2 women I work with. They both have a boy and a girl. They told me boys were easier to raise than girls. Girls were too emotional. My family physician told me the same thing when I brought my daughter for her annual flu shot. My daughter got her shot and was very upset. The doctor than proceeded to tell me she prefers boys, girls are too dramatic. She tells me this in front of my 3.5 year old daughter









I say be happy with whichever gender you have and pray that they are happy, healthy children.


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## darcytrue (Jan 23, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nhoutdoormama* 
So, the other morning I am sitting with my youngest while my older 2 were in an organized activity, and the two women sitting at a table with me proceed to have a conversation about how glad they are that they had daughters instead of sons. They were still including me in the conversation, sort of explaining to me why daughters were better. Of course, my littlest babe didn't understand what was being said, but I felt so sad hearing this! The conversation continued right in front of us until I finally got up to tend to my older boys

how incredibly rude.







I only have 1 son and quite honestly hoped and prayed for another son with both of my last two pregnancies. I just don't understand why the differences in the two.







Besides..... how kids turn out in life depends a lot on how they are raised, not whether or not they are simply male or female.


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## Heidi74 (Jan 21, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treegardner* 
This thread is very interesting because all I have heard is the opposite. I only have 1 child, a boy, and all I hear is how "boys are so much easier than girls" and "boys love their moms so much." FWIW, DH is actually pretty close with my mom. They have a lot in common and get along really well.

You know, I got those comments a lot when I only had one child too. In fact, I remember that during that first pregnancy several people seemed to imply that it "should" be a boy because it would make DH so happy. So, I guess in some people's minds, you should have a boy as your first child and then a girl.

Now that I have two sons, I am starting to get comments about how we HAVE to have another baby so we can have a girl, as well as some of the "boy" comments the OP mentioned.

If we do have a third, that certainly won't be the reason. And if we have a third boy, well just think of all the fun they will have! Before I had kids, I secretly hoped for a girl, but now that I have two wonderful boys I absolutely love being a boy-mom.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

All I can say is those ladies were being incredibly rude and there is no decent response to such inappropriate behavior.

I love having a little boy, and if I were too have another (I'm not) I would wish for another boy.


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

And yes, MIL's are hard, and I've already thought about that. My best hope is that I have learned enough to establish a decent relationship with whoever my son chooses as a partner. And hope to raise him in such a way that won't pick some looney-toon as a partner, but hey ya never know.


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## suzywan (Feb 5, 2004)

Gender essentialism is krap either way. Regardless of the sex of one's child, they are a unique individual who should neither be damned nor praised for the set between their legs. It's utterly ridiculous.

My family has been seriously girl heavy for the past 100 years or so - about a ratio of 2:1 and as high as 3:1 when each mama was having more babies - and I just assumed my first would be a girl. As soon as I got pregnant, though, I had a feeling it would be a boy. The ultrasound confirmed it and I was a bit sad for a few hours. Now I can't imagine him being anybody other than who he is! He was meant for me and our family and because of him I wouldn't care if I had 4 boys. And oddly his birth was at the begining of a trend in the family - of the last 5 births, 4 were boys - unheard of!!!! The universe always balances things out in the end.


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## rlmueller (May 22, 2009)

Everyone assumes I want a girl because I have a boy. But last I checked--I don't get to pick the gender. What do I have to be upset about? I wanted children


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

Well I grew up in a family with 4 kids, all girls and my parents got comments too. More along the lines of "aww, you didn't get your boy" but still totally rude and annoying.

I've only got one kiddo, he's a boy and he might be my one and only child. I love having a boy! He's kind, sweet, sensitive and just wonderful.







Yeah, he's got lots of energy, likes to sometimes play rough and has ADHD - so what? His best friend is a girl and she's the very same way!









Sorry people have been so rude to you. I would try to come up with an easy one liner for those types of convos, if nothing else it will help you feel better. But like a pp said - ALL children are blessings, boy or girl.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

My firstborn is a son and I hear so many negative remarks about boys. It makes me so sick and sad. Pregnant women going on and on about how much they don't want to have a boy and how upset/horrified/unable to stop crying they will be if they find out the baby is a boy. Specifically not wanting one gender is different to me than wanting/wishing for the other gender. I understand wanting one of each, or wanting a daughter. It's NOT wanting a son that I can't relate to. Those really get to me. I rarely see the tables turned--a woman not wanting a girl. It's always the little boys. Ds is so sweet, so full of life, and so in love with his mama.









I know someone who has a boy who seems to be somewhat delayed in his milestones. She is constantly remarking to me (in front of my 4 year old son!! And her son, who is almost 2!) how "stupid boys are" compared to girls.









Among most of my IRL peers who have one of each, though, the prevailing attitude does seem to be that girls are actually more difficult. I know that just so happens to be my situation! My ds is very happy go lucky and has always been really easygoing and snuggly. My dd, OTOH, is very strong willed and always turning on the drama, drama, drama. She's the one I have to tuck under my arm like a football and carry out of a store screaming and tantruming, while my ds quietly trails beside us.







She really gives me a run for my money most days.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I get this so much. I have 2 boys and we're completely thrilled about that and feel our family is complete. People constantly tell me I should try for a girl and I need to give it one more shot and see if I can't finally get that girl. It's stupid and annoying and I hate that people say stuff like that in front of my boys.

I adore having boys. I'm sure I'd adore having a girl as well, but this is what I've been given and I can't be happier about that.


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## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

I haven't read all the posts, but I just wanted to say--

Our first was a girl (my preference), and SO many people told me how unfortunate it was that she was not a boy, because "boys are easier." Now we're expecting a boy, and _everyone_ who has commented about it has said the same thing: "Oh, that's great, boys are great, boys are easier." Before I was even married, a lady asked me once whether I wanted my children to be boys or girls; I said girls, and she spent the next 20 minutes explaining to me how wrong my preference was (because her son was just so awesome, presumably).

All that is to say that people are going to be rude and obnoxious no matter what.







. If you had three girls, people would be hounding you about how bad your Dh must feel not to have "gotten a boy," how hard the teenage years will be, "all the estrogen in your house..."







etc.


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## waldorfknitmama (Sep 16, 2007)

Honestly, don't worry about it! I have two boys and love it!!! Boys are easier, less emotional, less to worry about IMO when they are teenagers. Also my husband is EXTREMLY close to his mama, I absolutly adore his family and we spend a TON of time with his family, and they had THREE boys, whom they are very close with.


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## StrawberryFields (Apr 6, 2005)

Yeah, and anyone who says that boys grow up and leave their families should really talk to my mom. Because my 26 year old brother is still living at home with no end in sight.


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## MaterPrimaePuellae (Oct 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *waldorfknitmama* 
Honestly, don't worry about it! I have two boys and love it!!! *Boys are easier, less emotional, less to worry about IMO when they are teenagers.* Also my husband is EXTREMLY close to his mama, I absolutly adore his family and we spend a TON of time with his family, and they had THREE boys, whom they are very close with.

See? There are people on both sides.









FTR, my MIL THINKS my husband and his brother were "easy" as teenagers-- and maybe they were easy in terms of not burdening her with _knowledge_ of their actions... but they certainly weren't better or less truly worrisome in terms of their actual behavior.







My Dh is almost 30, and I still shudder to think of some of the things he experienced/did that my in-laws never knew about.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StrawberryFields* 
*My firstborn is a son and I hear so many negative remarks about boys. It makes me so sick and sad. Pregnant women going on and on about how much they don't want to have a boy and how upset/horrified/unable to stop crying they will be if they find out the baby is a boy. Specifically not wanting one gender is different to me than wanting/wishing for the other gender. I understand wanting one of each, or wanting a daughter. It's NOT wanting a son that I can't relate to. Those really get to me. I rarely see the tables turned--a woman not wanting a girl. It's always the little boys. Ds is so sweet, so full of life, and so in love with his mama.*









*I know someone who has a boy who seems to be somewhat delayed in his milestones. She is constantly remarking to me (in front of my 4 year old son!! And her son, who is almost 2!) how "stupid boys are" compared to girls*.









Among most of my IRL peers who have one of each, though, the prevailing attitude does seem to be that girls are actually more difficult. I know that just so happens to be my situation! My ds is very happy go lucky and has always been really easygoing and snuggly. My dd, OTOH, is very strong willed and always turning on the drama, drama, drama. She's the one I have to tuck under my arm like a football and carry out of a store screaming and tantruming, while my ds quietly trails beside us.







She really gives me a run for my money most days.










I have three boys, one of whom has Autism. I will have no more children, so no daughter. I would probably have to sit on my hands to keep from smacking that woman. Shameful!

I also understand wondering what it would be like to have one or the other. But, to have temper tantrums because you didn't get what you wanted, as if the world is going to end? Sheesh! My opinion is, either get over it and accept it, and be grateful, because there are many more women in the world who would love to just be able to become a mother, and cannot, OR give the child up for adoption to a family who would not be so disappointed.

Before anyone flames me, I don't mean to be so harsh. But, I have little patience for people as described in the post above. I had to wait many years for my boys and didn't know if I would ever have ONE child, much less three. It never mattered whether they were boys or girls.


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## Softmama (Jun 10, 2003)

another mom of three boys here








When asked "are you going for the girl" I have always answered, "heavens no! these three boys are just perfect for me!" which I don't think is rude, but I also think reinforces for my boys (now ages 7,6, and 4) that I am pleased to have them.
My oldest has picked up on the comments and asked me if I wished I had a girl. To him I answer, "oh, Ive got nothing against girls, but I think God knew what he was doing when he gave me boys! I sure am one lucky mama!"
I think for me it's more about making sure my boys know I am grateful to have them and don't resent them for not being girls. The rest of the people can think what they want. It helps to do a mental readjust and give them all the benefit of the doubt: they are trying to chit-chat, not trying to be rude. that helps me maintain my own cool and sanity when dealing with them.
Three boys is an incredible blessing. You are a lucky woman!


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## April Dawn (Oct 31, 2009)

I only have one boy, he's only 7 months old, and already I get comments about how I must have wanted a girl, or comments about how hard boys are! I just smile and tell people, "Actually, when I was pregnant, I really, really wanted a boy, so I'm thrilled!" Which is true. I'm sure I would have loved a girl if I'd had one, but I really wanted a boy... mostly because I have several close friends with toddler and preschooler boys and I love them, they're so funny and cute! I don't have as much personal experience with young girls... so I guess when I daydreamed about having a child, it was always a boy. My DH actually wanted a girl, but as soon as our son was born he was thrilled, and now says he can't imagine having any different baby. OP, I'm sorry those women were so rude to you... but all of us here know how wonderful your boys must be!


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## nhoutdoormama (Oct 22, 2007)

Thanks so much for the support, Mamas! I'm usually pretty thick skinned, but sometimes the insensitivity just gets to me. Oh well. I better go now, I need to get back to loving my three fantastic little boys!!


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## Collinsky (Jul 7, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nhoutdoormama* 
Thanks so much for the support, Mamas! I'm usually pretty thick skinned, but sometimes the insensitivity just gets to me. Oh well. I better go now, I need to get back to loving my three fantastic little boys!!









I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but a few years ago on a Christian group I was in, a woman had several sons, and was expecting another boy - and undoubtedly she was getting a lot of "pity" from others for not "getting a girl". Someone said to her, "Wow, you must be a WONDERFUL mother to sons, for God to bless you with so many!" I thought that was a terrific response.

People are amazingly rude sometimes. I would be flabbergasted and spending the next two weeks laying awake at night trying to think of pithy comebacks and setdowns for those insensitive women.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

I think people just like saying stupid things.

Just two nights ago a woman said "you must have been relieved to have a boy the second time around." Uh what? I was "relieved" to have a happy baby. I know how many kids I want, and it is irrelevant whether they're boys or girls. And what a thing to say in front of my daughter! That she wasn't good enough? She's only 2 so she didn't really understand I'm sure, but still.

And people CONSTANTLY say things about how "oh, you have one of each! You can stop now." As though kids are trading cards, and I wanted to collect them all.


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## luv-my-boys (Dec 8, 2008)

Well obviously from my screen name my house is bursting with boys....and I LOVE it














I always wanted boys and God gave me my wish and since were TTC again I might have another (hopefully) on the horizon soon.

Our situation is a little different. We actually lost our only daughter late in pg (0ur first) so in some ways I do feel we "have" a girl. But we didnt get to raise her, so remarks about "only boys" is very hurtful to us. Its painful when people throw me the only boy pity card because its just another reminder (as if I need more) that I lost our daughter. Yes I would love to have another daughter, however, having struggled with infertility and mulitple late losses I am extremely thankful and blessed for the children I have. I mean at this poitn I'd take a one eyed alien baby


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## AustinMom (Jul 16, 2008)

If you can believe this, my Grand MIL called me and said "I hear congratulations are in order.....can i place my order? I want a girl!" (I have one son now) I said, well, as much as you want to, I think that has already been decided and there is nothing you can do about it.


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## nhoutdoormama (Oct 22, 2007)

Oh, luv-my-boys, I am sorry to hear of your losses. Such pain, I cannot even begin to imagine. Although we've not experienced the same loss, we did think we had lost our oldest to miscarriage early on, and then went on to deliver him prematurely 7 months later. The fear, the sadness, the unbelievable joy at my good fortune. All things these particular women did not know, of course, but factors that definitely intensify my feelings of "oh, you just cannot begin to understand how much I love these babies".

I just wish everyone would remember to tread more thoughtfully, ya know? We never really know a person's story, and to look at a child as anything less than the miracle they are is just plain wrong.

Maybe there will be a daughter in my future, maybe not. Either way, I've been luckier than I could have ever imagined.


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## momo7 (Apr 10, 2005)

I have the same problem you do...i had 3 boys before i had any girls. i get a lot of "wow i bet your glad to have a girl in the mix...now you'll get plenty of help that you need..." I was rather perplexed because my oldest boys were a huge help and they still are....of course that first girl is now 12...and yes i do get a lot of help from her too...but the boys around here sure do pull their weight and i am glad to have them. To be entirely honest......I find boys easier to raise. Everything with them is like water off a duck's back....it's the girl's who I have to constantly run interference with. They tend to be much more emotional and and "tricky" (harder to figure out) than boys. The boys are what they are....everything is pretty clear with them in regard to needs or wants.


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## GoestoShow (Jul 15, 2009)

.


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## rubidoux (Aug 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *treegardner* 
This thread is very interesting because all I have heard is the opposite. I only have 1 child, a boy, and all I hear is how "boys are so much easier than girls" and "boys love their moms so much."

I have had the same experience. And I'm afraid that there may be times that I talk disparagingly about the idea of having girls. I hope I haven't upset anyone like you've been upset. I felt very relieved when I found out that my second boy was boy. I feel like I was such a difficult insane teenager, and that I had such a difficult relationship with my mother that the idea of a teenaged girl is scary to me. Otoh, there's lot's of stuff about having a girl that would be really fun, I'm sure.

And my MIL is great.


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## *Aimee* (Jan 8, 2007)

I have 2 boys and I'm about to have another one. I was SOOOO angry at first because EVERYONE was like "I'm so sorry you're having another boy" or some other shit like that. I've never wanted daughters. I mean, if I got one great but I much prefer having sons.

All of my friends who have daughters are always talking about how rambunctious or loud my boys are compared to how "sweet" their girls are and it's very frustrating to me.

So yes, this happens to me a lot too. I'm sick of the "poor you" or the "wow, you're brave" comments.


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## Hey Mama! (Dec 27, 2003)

Not a mom with sons, but with three daughters. I get the same sorts of comments just tailored towards girls. It doesn't matter what your kid dynamic is, if it's outside the 1 boy, 1 girl acceptable limit you are going to get comments.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Hey Mama!* 
Not a mom with sons, but with three daughters. I get the same sorts of comments just tailored towards girls. It doesn't matter what your kid dynamic is, if it's outside the 1 boy, 1 girl acceptable limit you are going to get comments.

Totally agree... and even then you STILL get stupid comments.

The fact is that mothers belong to the world, and anyone is allowed to make any sort of comment, no matter how rude or potentially hurtful, no matter how weird, no matter how completely out there. What, you didn't get that memo?


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## bluebunny (Jul 14, 2006)

I'm one of six girls and my parents got all sorts of hateful comments about having all girls. The most annoying was, "Still trying for a boy, huh?" And then all the comments about "your poor dad, having to live in a house with hormonal women." :mad

I think there is gender "bias" runs on both sides. I don't think you can make anyone happy as people will say hurtful things regardless.


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## ScarletBegonias (Aug 24, 2005)

forgive me if my post is monotonous and rambling but.........

as a little girl i dreamed of having many children. i only wanted boys. i though it was a great honor as a woman to bear only sons. (idk why i thought this - it's not a family, social or cultural value where i come from). plus, i didn't like girls. i was ashamed to be a girl!

i have a daughter and a son. yes my dd is "clean" and ds is actually really and truly disgusting







. but my dd is also waaaaaaaaaaay more work than ds. he is mellow, sweet and easy. she is, well, sensitive and complex. she's great and i love who she is, she amazes me, but i do not want another girl, if dd is what "girls" are like.









BUT, i am happy with any children i have. no matter their gender. and i have NEVER been disappointed with the gender of my child. that doesn't matter to me. i am excited to get to know the new person, who is my child, i don't define their value by their gender..

that said, i also find it extremely rude and patronizing when people critique and criticize the genders of children that way. it is bad manners, rude, and really, do they think we actually *care* what *their* opinion is? and do they actually think that by stating their opinion, it will have the desired effect on your family or your family values? the audacity!









i also find the "Million Dollar Family" comment very distasteful.

it was actually very annoying at first that we had a daughter and then a son, because all we got/get are "the perfect family!" and "how happy you must be! to have one of each!" and "that's so cool you have one of each!" and "now that you have one of each you don't need anymore!".

it's infuriating! it makes me want 2 of the same gender child, just so i can tactfully point out just how little i care what *you* think and how un-human your comment is!


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## heidirk (Oct 19, 2007)

My SIL is pregnant with her second boy. And in response to her news on facebook someone actually said 'I'm sorry, if it had been a girl, you could be done after this."







This was from a man!

My own mother took up that stupid 'son is a son till he takes a wife' rhyme lamenting about it after my brother got married. She kept saying it was true and she'd 'lost' him forever, etc. Nevermind the fact that SHE had spent the past five years alienating him by being snooty and demanding in the first place.


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## dantesmama (May 14, 2006)

I have three boys, and I couldn't believe the comments I got during my third pregnancy. It seemed like everyone assumed I was hoping for a girl and wanted to shower me with pity because I was having another boy. People asked if I was disappointed. Even my mother's first words upon hearing it was a boy were, "Well, I guess this means you'll be trying for #4 soon."







For the most part I tried to ignore the rude, hurtful comments and really treasure the positive ones. I love, love, love having boys.


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## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

Coming from the place of having 2 boys and 2 girls, I get comments to the effect that #5 had better be boy/girl twins to maintain the perfect balance in our family. My response to that is that I really don't care if this one is a boy or a girl. I love rearing them both, for different reasons. I know families with all girls and almost all boys (like 6 boys, 1 girl), and they both get comments. IMO, boys are lots of fun, and girls are lots of fun. The world won't work without both genders, so it really is important to rear both with plenty of respect for themselves and each other.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

I have 4 boys and 1 girl. My dd is kiddo #3, right smack dab in the middle.

When I was pregnant with #4 and #5, people kept saying that they hoped those babies would be girls (we opted for the delivery room surprise both times).

IMO, boys are soo much easier. My DD is an awesome kid, but she is SUCH a dramatic, emotional child, and so many of the little girls at work (I work at an elementary school) are the same way.


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## KaylaBeanie (Jan 27, 2009)

What?! People say such nasty things?! Jeez, I just can't wait until myself and my peers start having kids









In our family, my dad is viewed as the "lucky" one because he's the only of four boys who managed to have both genders (boy first, then two girls). What's funny is that he couldn't care less...he's far closer to my sister and I, he LOVES being a girl dad even with the midnight pad and tampon runs, knows how to do hair, hears mindless gossip in excruciating detail...he loves it all.

That being said, I don't care what I have when I have kids. I do hope to get a mixture, but if I don't...oh well. I want boys really badly and I want girls really badly, so whatever is fine with me. Thankfully my friends are the same...I HATE gender stereotypes and I HATE comments regarding gender.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

Aagh, that type of comment just makes my head explode. Even allowing for biologically-based sex differences, every child is incredibly unique. Both girls and boys can be easy, difficult, helpful, sensitive, insensitive, quiet, loud, close to their moms, distant as adults, or any other characteristic you want to pick. Ideas about what "boys" are like and "girls" are like can only get in the way of seeing what any _one_ child is like.

I have one child, a boy. When I was pregnant with him people asked me all the time if I wanted a boy or a girl, and I always said I really, really wanted a person. (Most people in my traditional little village didn't like that answer, lol!) Now, at five, he has longish hair and fairly gender-neutral clothes, which means most people mistake him for a girl. It's amazing how much nicer and gentler people are with him when they think he's a girl.


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaterPrimaePuellae* 

FTR, my MIL THINKS my husband and his brother were "easy" as teenagers-- and maybe they were easy in terms of not burdening her with _knowledge_ of their actions... but they certainly weren't better or less truly worrisome in terms of their actual behavior.







My Dh is almost 30, and I still shudder to think of some of the things he experienced/did that my in-laws never knew about.

This is the perfect description of my mil. Before sil or I had kids, she went on and on about how we had to be just like her and have two boys each, since girls to my mil are so, "horrible." Well, my mil doesn't know ANYTHING about her sons. They intentionally never told her things or would just flat out lie to her, b/c she is a big nagger and worry wart, so they did not want her on their case. So, to this day, she still thinks that her kids were perfect angels while growing up, not having a single clue all of the stuff that they got into. Some of it is pretty bad too, like I think my bil must have gotten in trouble with the law at one pt, my DH won't even tell me all of the details, he said that whatever happens MIL cannot find out about it. In fact, the whole dynamic in their family is that everyone bends over backwards to make sure that mil is happy and doesn't get upset. So, in order to do this, they all put on a big act for her and b/c of this, she lives in a lala land believing that her boys never did anything bad. After hearing her gloat about how, "close" she is with her sons, I told her about something that they had never told her about and she got really angry with me and told me I must be lying, b/c her sons are so close to her they would never lie to her.







She would rather not believe that her sons were capable of doing anything wrong so she could keep up that delusion.

As for me, mom of 3 boys here. I fully admit that I do have some gender disappointment. It's not that I didn't want boys, but I really wanted to have at least one girl. We'll never have a girl now, b/c 3 kids is it for us, DH got his vasectomy last month. The comments I got when I was pg with DS2 were pretty bad. A lot of, "I'm sorry," "You'll have to try again for your girl," type of comments. Comments when I was pg with DS3 were brutal. Ppl pitying me, comments about how they were glad that they weren't in my shoes, ppl would say stuff like, "you're a saint." I think one of the worst ones I've gotten, and this was a comment from a mom who has an only child, a boy, was, "hopefully one of your sons will be gay." OK, nothing against gay ppl and if one of my sons is gay, we'll still love him like we do now, but what would possess someone to say something like that???







What blows my mind are the comments I get from other boy moms, as if I didn't already feel bad enough that I will never have a girl, I have fellow boy moms bashing my 3 boys, and they of all ppl should know how it feels.

I also hate the stupid comments from ppl that are, *supposed* to make me feel better, but just make me feel even crappier. Like the whole, "someday you'll have dils and granddaughters," comments are the absolute worst. I wanted a sister so badly while I was growing up, but ended up with two younger brothers. My mom told me that *someday* I would have a daughter. Well, obviously that was a total lie. I never got my daughter, and obviously I'm not going to count on the idea that I will have granddaughters or count on dils who will actually like me. I have a horrible relationship with my mil and as much as I want to have a positive relationship with my fdils, my experience so far scares the crap out of me regarding mil-dil relationships. Maybe I will be lucky and hit it off with at least one of my dils, but I'm just not going to count on a dil to replace the daughter that I never had.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I don't know if it helps, but having only daughters causes some of the same, or similar problems. I've been told I'm mean to not give my husband a son, because men deserve sons. Stuff about the family name. Girls are awful at puberty, and my poor husband will suffer being surrounded by so much estrogen. Don't I REALLY want to try again for a boy? Wasn't I disappointed to have another girl after the first one? It seems like if you have anything other than the typical one boy, one girl, and no more children or no fewer children, you get some kind of comments. Though maybe the one boy/one girl families are getting something that I'm unaware of.


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## Tigeresse (Nov 19, 2001)

I think the worst remark I heard when I was a mother of only sons came from a mom of an only girl. I don't remember if my 2nd ds was born yet or not, but I had at least 1 ds at the time as we had our 1st at the same time. We were discussing having more children and she said she would only have more if she could guarantee she would have another girl. At the time it was really hard not to take that as a negative opinion about my son(s)/boys in general. Yuck. My boys rock!!!


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

What an awful thing for people to say to you!! Recently my son's teacher said to me, "You have to take what's 'boy' about him in addition to taking the good in him."

My jaw just dropped. Some people. Give those boys extra cuddles.


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## Kivgaen (Dec 5, 2003)

I'm sorry... I've said some of those things before... like "Wow, three boys -- and so close in age -- you must be a busy mom!" or "were you disappointed, not having a girl"... etc. I guess it never really occurred to me that those comments could be hurtful. I was just trying to make conversations.

I have one of each. Boy first, and then girl next. In my experience, my boy is a handful compared to my girl. For me, it is hard to imagine having three boys. Every time I visit my sister-in-law with three boys I realize that her home is very loud compared to mine. All the boys I have known in my life have been the same way, so I guess it's just natural to me to want to fit boys into that category.

But you know, I do say the same things when talking with moms with lots of girls. Before I had kids, I thought that I would be disappointed if my first child was a boy. I was wrong -- but, at the time, I thought that I would feel some sort of loss. I also thought that i would be disappointed if I didn't have at least ONE boy.

Maybe I should just learn to ignore the subject completely, and just talk about the weather instead.


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## Cascadian (Jan 28, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
I don't know if it helps, but having only daughters causes some of the same, or similar problems. I've been told I'm mean to not give my husband a son, because men deserve sons. Stuff about the family name. Girls are awful at puberty, and my poor husband will suffer being surrounded by so much estrogen. Don't I REALLY want to try again for a boy? Wasn't I disappointed to have another girl after the first one? It seems like if you have anything other than the typical one boy, one girl, and no more children or no fewer children, you get some kind of comments. Though maybe the one boy/one girl families are getting something that I'm unaware of.

ITA with this. Moms of all girls get it too, and are made to feel terribly guilty for not producing the stereotypical 'heir, passer-on of family name, boy that dads can take fishing...' etc. blah blah blah Drives me completely crazy, and I do retort with similar comebacks that some of you have mentioned.

There's no 'pleasing' people.


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## Kivgaen (Dec 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamazee* 
It seems like if you have anything other than the typical one boy, one girl, and no more children or no fewer children, you get some kind of comments. Though maybe the one boy/one girl families are getting something that I'm unaware of.

EVEN IF you have the one boy/one girl family, you STILL get comments. I get comments like "you should have more children -- you and your husband have the money and can afford it, and too many people these days are choosing to not have any kids at all." -- seriously -- someone actually said that to me before!


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## SilvanaRose (Feb 19, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AustinMom* 
If you can believe this, my Grand MIL called me and said "I hear congratulations are in order.....can i place my order? I want a girl!" (I have one son now) I said, well, as much as you want to, I think that has already been decided and there is nothing you can do about it.

My IL's did the same thing to me at Christmas, only they put it in the card they gave us. "Now can you give us a granddaughter for next Christmas?" As if I'm going to get pregnant for anyone but DH and I, and like I'm going to GIVE them anything lol.

Also I remember saying this in another thread awhile back but it's relevant to this conversation.....My FIL actually wrote out a list of BOYS names they approved of when they found out we were expecting. We did not find out the gender and I was actually hoping for a girl for the SOLE fact that I did not want to give the IL's what they wanted LOL. Now they want a girl after they GOT a boy. I find it very rude and frankly I do not like spending time with them at all.


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## Mama~Love (Dec 8, 2003)

I have 3 sons, and then I had 3 daughters in a row. I NEVER heard any comments like that ever. I would've felt crushed and very hurt for my boys if they ever heard someone talk like that, like it's bad to be a boy.

ALL children are a blessing, no matter what the gender!! You know how special they are, and you show them every single day. I'd avoid those people like the plague, and I wouldn't hesitate to tell them why!


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## _ktg_ (Jul 11, 2008)

Argh when I hear these types of comments when I'm out or from family it drives me bonkers. Its rude and that's the way you should call it. Socialization at its snarkiest by raising or lowering value on gender.









I have 2 boys and when we have a 3rd - I hope for healthy and happy. Of course I would prefer another boy after practically mastering how to raise, interact, discuss and swordfight them.

If we have a girl - hmmmmm I'll probably freak out.







as it will be the unknown for us.

It is funny how people assume we are having a 3rd (one day in the future) to try for a girl.







, nope I just want 3 kids as that feels right for our family.


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## InMediasRes (May 18, 2009)

We just got back from the doctor's office, and DS was doing his normal thing. They had two choices of magazines: Sports Illustrated and Parenting. Of COURSE he's going to chose the one with football players on it, and not the mom and daughter on the swing. But the nurse made a big thing about how he's "such a boy", "I bet his Daddy loves him". Um, his dad HATES football. And he loves his son no matter what he likes.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

No personal experience with rude comments about having a son. But shortly after he was born I was shocked and disgusted to see a bumper sticker that said, "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them." I wanted to throw rocks at the driver (a girl).









She looked young. Who knows, she might have her own little boy now, whom she loves endlessly. She might feel a little silly about that bumper sticker.


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *InMediasRes* 
We just got back from the doctor's office, and DS was doing his normal thing. They had two choices of magazines: Sports Illustrated and Parenting. Of COURSE he's going to chose the one with football players on it, and not the mom and daughter on the swing. But the nurse made a big thing about how he's "such a boy", "I bet his Daddy loves him". Um, his dad HATES football. And he loves his son no matter what he likes.









Sport's Illustrated was DD's waiting room magazine of choice for ages. She'd go through every page and say "look, Mama! A ball!" It was pretty cute


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## mommajb (Mar 4, 2005)

I haven't read through all the posts but after skimming I feel like adding my









My oldest and youngest are boys. Often when we are out ds1 isn't with us as he has his own life as a teenage boy. I will get comments about finally getting a boy (ds2). How is this supposed to make dd2 and dd3 feel? So somebody usually says something about ds1.

My mil has said that if she had a boy and a girl she would have stopped there, that she was so upset about having a second son. Umm, that would be my husband you wish hadn't happened. After more than 40 years she is saying this. Her ds1 (my bil) was no walk in the park. I mean he has put the family through some extremely tough times. I could totally understand some negative feelings towards him but she has none that are obvious. It is all about how she wishes she has only had to have two children and how my dh upset those plans. I don't get it.


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## Uxor (Jun 22, 2005)

I have two boys. I didn't find out the gender of my 2nd because I didn't want to hear all the pity coments from people. We wanted a healthy baby which is exactly what we got. One thing that infuriated my when ds2 was born was that when I called people from the hospital to announce his birth, I started to get the oh maybe your next will be a girl. I really hated hearing that when he was less than a day old.


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## earthmama4 (Oct 13, 2008)

My boys have always been _plenty_ emotional - I really don't get the "less emotional" thing people say. I personally see emotional reactivity as a personality trait rather than a gender-related quality. My boys aren't "wild" or high energy either. They are creative, emotional, artsy, imaginitive...many things associated more with girls than boys. My sister has actually told me that my boys are kind of "girly"







and goes on and on about how her child is "all boy"







If all boy means climbing the walls, shrieking and running wild through the house, no interest in reading or coloring or singing, and randomly pouncing on me or headbutting me throughout the day - I'll take my "girly" men thank you!


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## Tizzy (Mar 16, 2007)

We also get a lot of the previously mentioned comments.
We have two boys and even when I was pregnant with DS2 everyone just assumed we wanted a girl. I often retorted with "Well actually, I'd kinda like 4 boys. They are so much fun!".
Now that we're pregnant with #3 and we aren't finding out the sex ahead of time, we get a lot of the comments how we must be hoping for a girl or we NEED a girl or something of the like. I've actually been afraid to buy anything girly (just in case) because of all the obnoxious comments. I've heard tons of comments about other mothers who had some girl stuff stashed away and how they pined away for their little girl but never had one.
It's not like that at all!

So now when anyone asks my standard response is "You know, it's weird how everyone thinks we want or need a girl! Really, we don't mind either way!" This puts the awkwardness back on them instead of me having to explain that really - we are neutral!


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## amj'smommy (Feb 24, 2005)

I have 5 dc.. firstborn a girl then 4 boys. According to MANY after ds#1, we had the "perfect" family... you know 1 girl 1 boy







then we had ds#2 and every pregnancy after I've gotten the "Oh are you trying for a sister for dd"? I love my 4 boys just as much as my 1 daughter... silly people just feel the need to say something... even if it's stupid


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## oceanbaby (Nov 19, 2001)

Yep, I've gotten the same comments. When I was pg with ds2, the first thing MIL said was "Oh, I hope it's a girl!" How the hell am I supposed to take that ?!?!!

My SIL has said things like "Well, if I guess I'm only going to have one, it's good she's a girl, so at least I know we'll always be close." Yeah, like I can't list just as many women who can't stand their mothers as I can boys. And again, how does she think that comment is going to make me feel?

My neighbor, whom I adore, had a boy and girl, and had tried for years for a third with no success. She said to me one time "Well, I guess it's okay because I already have one of each." So, it wouldn't have been okay if you'd had two boys? Does that mean it's not okay for me?

I always wanted two boys, because I love the whole brothers thing. Maybe it's because I never had one, I don't know. So I'm happy with it, but yeah, the insinuation that my family is less than perfect infuriates me.


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## peaceful_mama (May 27, 2005)

I have 2 boys and one girl.

I fully admit when I was preggers with DS1 I actually made the doc look at his ultrasound again.....lol........I am very glad though that I found out because it gave me some time to get happy with it. (I was also separated from DH at the time I think that had a lot to do with my opinion. We reunited, had 2 more, and are a happy family now. Dh said he actually prayed for the baby to be a boy if we were meant to work it out--because he knew I would be more likely to see a boy as in need of a daddy. Which I did. Not that I see that as true anymore, but this is before I had any children.)

I am now fully happy that I have my boys and my girl. There are things I love about all three of them, who and what they all are.









And for those who say girls are easier I beg to differ. I don't really attribute the personality stuff to gender, it is personality--BUT....my daughter is more dramatic. She was a higher-need baby than either of the boys. She's been more of a tantrum-prone toddler.
And there's the stuff that's just practical day-to-day living. My DD wants her hair done, the boys, daddy just cuts their hair real short. I have to braid her hair nightly because if I don't it's a tangled mess.

The things I *love* about my girl, since I've been negative lol--she's been more language-advanced and more of a talker in general than my oldest, I love knowing what she thinks and she comes up with so many funny things all the time.

but.......as far as tantrums and needs and stuff like that I think boys are easier.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I have 2 children-one of each and honestly my DD is big ol PITA much of the time-HA I say to those that say girls are easier, she's not she is a crazy, ball of fire and is waaaayyyy more active than most of the boys I know. She's been this way since before she was born, she's just energized all the time. I love her of course, but there are times when it would be nice if she could bring it down like 20 notches. I was at a baby shower last week and OMG I almost had to leave cause DD was spinning like a top, my nieces who are the same age sat quietly and played with dolls-same gender, but totally differing personalities.

My son is just 3 months old, but while his pregnancy was harder(mostly because of keeping up with DD and constant nausea) he was mellow in the womb and is still Mr. Mellow. I think he's gonna be much more laid back

I just remember when I was pg with my DD and a friend told me "Boys always love their mama, and girl's will be Daddy's girl." For our family thing rings true, my son is a mama's boy







and that is all positive, and DD is all about daddy.

Plain and simple, I think it all depends on personality more than gender.


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## 77sugaree (Jul 3, 2007)

I have two boys and when people ask if we are going to try for a girl I tell them that the only way we would have another baby would be if it was for sure going to be another boy. I was a wild, rebellious teenage girl with an attitude and I do not want to go through what I put my parents through.









And for what it's worth, I





















my MIL.

And, my uncles mom had 9 boys, and no girls.


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## Zan&Zav (Nov 25, 2006)

when i get a comment like that i reply " in the teenage years, i only have to worry about my sons penis', you have to worry about all the penis' your daughter could come in contact with. i'm happy with my boys







"

usually shuts people up.


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