# "Leashes" for children.



## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

I know this has probably been hashed and re-hashed a zillion times around here, but I'm not having much luck searching, so I'm starting another thread on the subject of leashes/harnesses for children.

What do you all think of them? Do you use them? When? If not, why? Where?

I really don't like them. I always said I would never use one. I don't know why, but I always got a weird vibe when I thought about putting a leash on my child. BUT, she started walking today, and is already trying RUN from me (as she laughs and giggles). Quite honestly, I'm scared.









I don't worry about her. I really don't want to restrain her or hold her back in anyway. But I worry about OTHER people (like the pervs and pedophiles who wait for children to get separated from their parents).

I understand the "stay on them like glue" and "watch them like a hawk" theories, but things can happen in the blink of an eye, especially in this day and age.







: And we live in a busy area, too.

So.. what does everyone do? How do you feel about them? How do you avoid them?


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Yep, this one has been thoroughly hashed.







Party on...









--I wore my kids front or back then used a bike trailer or ski pulk or just walked really slowly and held their hands.

Oh and the best thing I've ever found is to travel in packs; ie. go out w/all your Mom friends and their kids.


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## KayasMama04 (Feb 4, 2006)

I own two harnesses for dd ...she is very spirted and telling her do not run into the street means run into the street. I like to put her harness on and hold her hand.
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html...sin=B000EBITU8


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## Suprakid1982 (Sep 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BusyMommy* 
Yep, this one has been thoroughly hashed.







Party on...









--I wore my kids front or back then used a bike trailer or ski pulk or just walked really slowly and held their hands.

Oh and the best thing I've ever found is to travel in packs; ie. go out w/all your Mom friends and their kids.

so true !!

as for the leashes bit... im kinda both ways on it, but i lean more torward the no part cause well i know that htey can hurt.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I used a harness (imo, a leash goes around the neck, so I don't call it that) for dd during the last month or two of my pregnancy with ds2 and for about another month or two after my c-section. I didn't want to have to keep her cooped up inside, and I just couldn't move as quickly as she could. The harness was a life-saver.

I don't see them as something to avoid. If the child doesn't like it, I won't use it. But, I'm not going to decide how to parent based on other people having hangups about my child being humiliated or something. DD didn't care, so other people's opinions are, as always where my children are concerned, totally irrelevant.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BusyMommy* 
Oh and the best thing I've ever found is to travel in packs; ie. go out w/all your Mom friends and their kids.

If I go out with all my mom friends and their kids, that totals me, dd and ds2. I have no mom friends.


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

Hashed, smashed, rehashed and bashed.

Here's what you missed:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=leashes


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Here you go

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=harness

and the all time favorite... http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=highway


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

mama mia the funniest thing about us cross posting is I don't think we even repeated.


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

I know, I love how we both used different search terms.









Quote:

and the all time favorite... http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=highway
Aww. Memories. *sniffle*


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

I bought a harness for DS since he is a runner and still is. But for some reason it never really worked out for us.

The stroller works best for me. I give him a chance to walk beside me and hold my hand but the minute he takes off back to the stroller he goes strapped down.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 







mama mia the funniest thing about us cross posting is I don't think we even repeated.

Oi!







:

I didn't mean to start another sh!t fight. Sorry.







I suck at searching, I really do.

I really have no reservations or judgments one way or another about them, I was just curious what everyone else thought. DD trying to run from me when she's only been walking for an hour scared the crap out of me. LOL.

Storm Bride, that's exactly what I was thinking about the word "leash" (maybe that's why I didn't have much luck searching - I was using the wrong word maybe?). In any case, I have never even seen a child harness in real life, so I have no idea what they look like or how they work, but I just had visions of DD taking off on me at the mall or something.

I was an escape artist when I was little, so my mother and father tell me. My dads favorite story was how I got away from him at the bank and smacked everyone's butt in the line up. Then again, that could have also just been because I was with my dad, and not my mom.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

I never used one, nor felt the need for one.

BUT, my nephew sooooo needed a leash.







and a bunjee. Seriously, this child could run nonstop for 18 hours a day, and his tush never saw the inside of a stroller. It took three adults and a small boy to strap him into a carseat, and he shreaked and arched his back the whole trip.

If left to walk, he would run. He would run in every direction. Malls were a nightmare.

We took him to San Diego for a week. We lasted one morning before his MOm bought him a leash at the swapmart.

It is the reason he is alive today. He's 19 and has that same sense of adventure he has always had.

He moved from running, to climbing, to bikes, to motorcycles, to race cars.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Oi!







:

I didn't mean to start another sh!t fight. Sorry.







I suck at searching, I really do. l









:


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

All my google ads are about dogs.









My personal opinion is that harnesses and leashes are not optimal, but everyone's situation is different and I'm sure they can be useful in situations and not harmful. The only time I have seen them used IRL, it has bee horrible. As in, 1.5 year old starts to wander while dad talks to another soccer parent. Dad tugs on leash attached to 1.5 y/o's harness. 1.5 y/o falls on butt and starts crying, dad rolls yes. But I doubt that is the actual majority.

I live in a busy metropolitan area, so it wouldn't have ever been useful for me anyway. The sidewalk is too crowded for all that wandering. Dd has to hold my hand and stay close, and that will go on to a much older age than most suburbanite kids, who probably stop holding hands constantly by age 5 or 6. Dd will likely be 8 years old or so before she can let go of my hand on a busy sidewalk, just to prevent seperation. On slower streets she is free to roam and has since she was old enough to walk.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
Storm Bride, that's exactly what I was thinking about the word "leash" (maybe that's why I didn't have much luck searching - I was using the wrong word maybe?). In any case, I have never even seen a child harness in real life, so I have no idea what they look like or how they work, but I just had visions of DD taking off on me at the mall or something.

Well, I suck at searching, too, so I'm not going to look for a pic. But, dd's is just a set of straps - two go around her torso, and they're attached by other straps that go over her shoulders. Then, the handle (or "tail", as she calls it) is attached to that. It does up with a HUGE piece of velcro at the back. She loved it.

ETA: I said two straps around her torso, but I think it may only be one. I'd look and check, but I have no idea where it is...

My mom tried one with my brother, and he hated it. So, she simply had to minimize some activities with him for a while.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamma Mia* 
I live in a busy metropolitan area, so it wouldn't have ever been useful for me anyway. The sidewalk is too crowded for all that wandering. Dd has to hold my hand and stay close...

I'm not sure why this means a harness wouldn't be useful? In that situation, if a child won't hold hands, I'd say a harness would be very useful. I'd have absolutely used one with dd if I'd taken her downtown during the period when she was bolting off.


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

A child on a harness would be trampled in the area a few blocks from my home. A child's adult would need to hold the harness and not the leash to keep them close enough to be avoided by other pedestrians. My dd is too old for a harness and holds my hand and walks close to me and still gets knocked into. I have never seen a tourist in this area with a child on a harness either.


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *North_Of_60* 
In any case, I have never even seen a child harness in real life, so I have no idea what they look like or how they work, but I just had visions of DD taking off on me at the mall or something.

http://www.nextag.com/child-harness/search-html


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Yeah - that makes sense. I can't see a harness helping in that kind of mob. (I'd go crazy. I _hate_ crowds.)


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## Mamma Mia (Aug 3, 2005)

Me too! We bolt down side streets and alleys as much as possible.


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## Demeter9 (Nov 14, 2006)

Tried them, but my kids are like leashing cats. They immediately hit the bushes and run around lamp posts. :>


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## an_aurora (Jun 2, 2006)

We got one of the doggie backpack ones from Target for our trip to Disneyland. It was a lifesaver. We also wore her alot, but she was at the stage where she wanted to be down running around, and she was short enough to fit underneath the railings, etc. She loved her backpack so much we had to hide it and throw it away when she got back because she wanted to take it everywhere we went.

So, I think they are ok in really crowded places such as the airport, or Disneyland etc. Not for everyday use. I'm 37 weeks pregnant and keeping up with her is hard, but manageable.


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## Oh the Irony (Dec 14, 2003)

i haven't used one, but there before the grace of <insert higher power> go i.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mamma Mia* 
I know, I love how we both used different search terms.









and the all time favorite... http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=highway

Aww. Memories. *sniffle*

yeah, that one was pretty entertaining.


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## Lisa Lubner (Feb 27, 2004)

am i the only one with a toddler who will suddenly yank her hand from my grip to dart off in another direction while i have two other young kiddos i can't abandon to chase after the littlest??

i love the monkey backpack. the leash is my friend.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

The leash is our best friend. I bring my Ergo, James will tolerate it for about 3 minutes before screaming "I WALK! I WALK! I WANT DOWN! I WALK!!" while pulling my hair and kicking me. So down he goes and the leash gets put on him. He will not ride in the stroller or the cart, he has to walk.

We have that cute one except ours is the puppy dog, I held both up and he picked the puppy dog. I dont know how I would buy groceries without our harness. Couldnt live without it.


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## Blue Dragonfly (Jun 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lisa Lubner* 
am i the only one with a toddler who will suddenly yank her hand from my grip to dart off in another direction while i have two other young kiddos i can't abandon to chase after the littlest??

i love the monkey backpack. the leash is my friend.

Me too!! (except I only have 2) I feel like I am going to break DS's hand when I'm holding it because he yanks so hard to let go. I still have to run when he's wearing his harness, but at least he's attached.

I do use the sling and stroller combo more often than the harness, but it has been useful.

I've also been in conversation with someone at a wedding when DS decides he wants to go somewhere and ends up dangling from the end of it. It probably looks like I'm really neglectful, but I'm a single mama, and dammit, sometimes I want to have a conversation with an adult and not have to chase after my toddler or have him do gymnastics on my shoulder.

STBX was not pleased about the "monkey on his son's back" but his mom said "when you're 9 months pregnant trying to chase after G, you can complain, until then, shut up." Gotta love that woman. And, X still has not taken DS1 and DS2 out in public together (by himself), and DS2 is 6 mo. old.


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## 59046 (Jun 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayasMama04* 
I own two harnesses for dd ...she is very spirted and telling her do not run into the street means run into the street. I like to put her harness on and hold her hand.
http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html...sin=B000EBITU8

I would use that type of harness (looks like a stuffed animal backpack) when I was truly fearing for the safety of my child, not on regular occasions. For example- Disney, other large congested theme parks or state fairs. I do not think they should be used as babysitters. Like at a mall, walking down the street, in the home, others homes, etc. Unless these places are so extremely busy that you can't keep track of your child by holding their hand etc, don't use it.

I know there are moms out there that swear against them, but this is just my personal choice about them.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BornInSeptember* 
I do not think they should be used as babysitters. Like at a mall, walking down the street, in the home, others homes, etc. Unless these places are so extremely busy that you can't keep track of your child by holding their hand etc, don't use it.

May I just ask why any of those circumstances equal using the harness "as a babysitter"?


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## Adamsmama (Oct 24, 2003)

I never used one until recently. We went to Disney World (first time!) for a family reunion event and I'm hugely pregnant and I have two toddlers. I bought 2 at Target made from Eddie Bauer. They look like little backpacks that are shaped like animals and then the "tail" is the leash. My kids begged to wear them! They loved them and it worked. I loved slinging my youngest but I just can't right now--it is too painful pressing on my belly. So we used a stroller and then when they wanted to walk we used the leashes. It worked--they didn't get separated or lost and everyone was happy! (ETA: when we are out and about in a normal day I will hold my kids hands. My youngest really likes his independance and he sometimes fights me on the hand holding. I'm ok on a normal day to let him walk besides me...but in a really crowded area I would be too worried that someone grabbed him away, etc.)


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## eldadeedlit (Jun 22, 2004)

we have a harness for my dd. it is a puppy backpack with a "leash" attached. i think it is better than strapping her in a stroller or wearing her, because she has a TON of energy and needs to walk/run... but I need that extra bit of security because she has a tendency to run off! imo, it is less restrictive than a stroller. i agree that it looks and feels weird, but logically, i dont think it is a big deal.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BornInSeptember* 
I would use that type of harness (looks like a stuffed animal backpack) when I was truly fearing for the safety of my child, not on regular occasions. For example- Disney, other large congested theme parks or state fairs. I do not think they should be used as babysitters. Like at a mall, walking down the street, in the home, others homes, etc. Unless these places are so extremely busy that you can't keep track of your child by holding their hand etc, don't use it.

I don't get it. So it's okay to use one in really large crowds (Disney, fairs, etc) to prevent a child from wandering away or getting kidnapped. But it's not okay to use one in the mall, grocery shopping, walking down the street to prevent the child from wandering away or getting kidnapped? Why is that?

I, personally, did use one for Owen between ages 1-2. He was a runner. He loved to walk but would jerk his hand out of mine and take off running. I was afraid of hurting his shoulder if I jerked back. If I had let him walk down the sidewalk holding my hand there would have been a HUGE risk of him jerking away and running into traffic. I used the harness on him almost every single time we were out of the house. He did not understand that he had to stay with me so I did what I had to do to keep him safe. Now he's in a stage where he wants to ride in the stroller. All.... the... time. He refuses to walk (lays down and screams) so he's in the stroller every single time we go out. Yup, I'm sure there are some who thinks that's totally un-ap of me but whatever. He's happy and safe and that's all it boils down to.


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## eldadeedlit (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Adamsmama* 
I never used one until recently. We went to Disney World (first time!) for a family reunion event and I'm hugely pregnant and I have two toddlers. I bought 2 at Target made from Eddie Bauer. They look like little backpacks that are shaped like animals and then the "tail" is the leash. My kids begged to wear them! They loved them and it worked. I loved slinging my youngest but I just can't right now--it is too painful pressing on my belly. So we used a stroller and then when they wanted to walk we used the leashes. It worked--they didn't get separated or lost and everyone was happy! (ETA: when we are out and about in a normal day I will hold my kids hands. My youngest really likes his independance and he sometimes fights me on the hand holding. I'm ok on a normal day to let him walk besides me...but in a really crowded area I would be too worried that someone grabbed him away, etc.)

yes this is the one we have! it is very cute!


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## Getz (May 22, 2005)

I have no issues with harnesses. I think controlled freedom can be good.

I have seen some poor kids be yanked around like a dog while on a leash. I am not cool with that.

My son isn't walking yet but I would have no issue using one.


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## maliceinwonderland (Apr 17, 2005)

Seeing a child in a harness makes me feel icky, but that's my issue. Kids can get away from even the fastest, most attentive parents and I'd rather feel a little weird about seeing a kid on a "leash" than hearing about a kid getting run over, or stolen, or watching a kid get smacked in public for not holding their parent's hand. I was lucky enough to have a child who always seemed to be aware of the danger of traffic, or getting too far from mom and dad, so it was never an issue for me. I guess I feel like, it's not my kid, not my business. Whether the parents are doing it because they're just lazy or because they put a lot of thought into it and have one of those kids who is stuck on run, the outcome is the same, the kid is safer.

Hope that made some sense


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I'll admit, I use one every time we go places. He would rather walk then be held/wore/sit in stroller so I do what I have to do. In public he is set on 'RUN' and will dart away from me, not hold my hand and stuff, he doesn't run into traffic thankfully but he will dart toward the escalator or end rack deal of toilet paper in a heartbeat.

I figure that part of AP is listening to your kids and respecting their wants/needs. James has a desire to be independent and walk. I have a desire to not have him kidnapped or more realisticlly, get on the escelator and fall or get under peoples feet and trip them or get run over by a cart. *shrug* He actually likes it. He'll go find it and bring it to me and say "I walk! Go walk." it's cute I think.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

I'm not a big fan of leashes. The only time I have ever even thought about using one is if we take the kids skiing this year. I've heard it works really good if you have a very young child that you want to take skiing. You put the leash on them and let them ski ahead of you. I would use one for my youngest who is 2 only in that instance.


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

I have used the harness with both my children. DD is a very spirited child who would run away from us in a second. She hated to hold hands and I felt keeping her in a stroller was cruel. In fact, I would give her the choice of the stroller or the harness and she would always choose the harness. It gave her some freedom of movement without allowing her to run into a street or just disappear in the blink of an eye. Now I have my DS. He skipped walking and went straight to running--really, he NEVER walks. We have tried holding his hand and he flops. We've tried keeping up with him and he runs away. . .it is great fun, except he runs toward roads. I stop to speak with someone for a second and he is gone (really, a second). He hates to hold hands, hates the stroller, and honestly, doesn't really like the harness. However, it does keep him somewhat close and safe while giving him some freedom to run circles around me.

Like pp I have seen them way misused. Children should never be dragged with them or pulled over. My children are allowed to explore their environments and I am pretty patient with them. I just use it because I don't want to take the chance of them getting hurt. One other thing, when out and about I have never had a negative comment about using the harness, only mothers asking where I got mine!


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## lifescholar (Nov 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Demeter9* 
Tried them, but my kids are like leashing cats. They immediately hit the bushes and run around lamp posts. :>

LOL, now there's a great mental picture!









I have a monkey backpack one for my little guy, but I have never used it. He's just REALLY good, I don't know how I got so lucky! Even if he runs, he will come back or stop when I call him.

I don't make him hold my hand all the time, but I can say "Stay with Mommy" or "This way", and he actually comes! It's a miracle, I swear! lol

I always hated them...until I'd seen enough kids almost get hit by cars, etc. I would much rather put a harness on a kid whom I can't trust to stay with me, then learn the hard way...


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

No no no no no no no. Oh. Did I say NO?! I DO NOT agree with them. I carry her in parking lots, across streets, etc. Otherwise she is right near me. We do, however, live in a smaller area. Not a small town, per se, but small enough that I'm comfortable.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aliviasmom* 
No no no no no no no. Oh. Did I say NO?! I DO NOT agree with them.

So - does that mean you don't like them for your family, or you don't agree with others using them, either?


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## dallaschildren (Jun 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aliviasmom* 
No no no no no no no. Oh. Did I say NO?! I DO NOT agree with them.

So what exactly are you trying to say?














:


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## treemom2 (Oct 1, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aliviasmom* 
No no no no no no no. Oh. Did I say NO?! I DO NOT agree with them. I carry her in parking lots, across streets, etc. Otherwise she is right near me. We do, however, live in a smaller area. Not a small town, per se, but small enough that I'm comfortable.

You know I posted in GD for some help getting DS to stay with me without having to carry him everywhere (I am pg and he is heavy!) and he flops when he holds my hand. . .what would you suggest to those of us with whom you do not agree? I would love some help with getting DS anyplace without him taking off on his run.


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## mimid (Dec 29, 2004)

I plan on getting some for our trip overseas in June. The girls will be 14 months and I have a hard enough time keeping tabs on them as crawlers and cruisers. Who knows what will be happen by then!


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## MOTHERoFIVE (Jan 4, 2007)

There's a time and place for everything. Of course, your time and place are different from mine. Grocery stores, neighboorhoods, parks, airports, "downtown " concerts, etc. I say no harness. Stroller and "keep up with your child" method should be okay. Disney ~ get you a harness, leash, stroller, pager, cell phone, child locator, flame throwers, glow-in-the-dark outfits (matching) and your face tatoo'd to his cheek!


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MOTHERoFIVE* 
There's a time and place for everything. Of course, your time and place are different from mine. Grocery stores, neighboorhoods, parks, airports, "downtown " concerts, etc. I say no harness. Stroller and "keep up with your child" method should be okay. Disney ~ get you a harness, leash, stroller, pager, cell phone, child locator, flame throwers, glow-in-the-dark outfits (matching) and your face tatoo'd to his cheek!

















When we went to Disneyland with our 2.5 year old I put a folded up note in his pocket with his name, my name, my cell number, my DP's cell number and name. Also dressed him in a *bright* tye died shirt.

We did the park with no stroller and no leash though. Of course there was one of him, and two of us.


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## eightyferrettoes (May 22, 2005)

I've used a ring sling as a leash in the Seattle Airport. DS liked to lay on the ground and be dragged across the slick floors.







Really, at that age, you do what you can.

Funny, the Maya Wrap company even advertises that use for the slings! But I guess that's crunchy, and the other ones are mainstream and therefore marinated in bad juju.


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## BookGoddess (Nov 6, 2005)

A harness is like anything else (TV, stroller, etc). It can be used or misused. I don't have a problem if other parents want to use one to keep their little one close by. We have a teddy bear backpack type toddler harness but we haven't used it much. My daughter loves to run and she's quick. I would rather have people look down on me for protecting my child from harm than to have my child get hurt. I don't know how many of you know the Jamie Bulger story. It's a very sad tale.







That mama's tragic experience was what made me get one these things from..ahem...Wal-Mart of all places.







:


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## Viewfinder (Sep 2, 2005)

It was great... mostly for her. She loved the freedom to move as she pleased, bend down, veer left or right. I still had the eagle eye on her, but we both had a little more freedom for certain occasions. I wouldn't hesitate to use it in a store or wherever it seemed like she'd prefer to walk alongside to being in a basket, or wherever I wanted. It was a short but memorable relationship. The affair was no more than a year, if that. I enjoyed watching her navigate her way, with this little safety line, through the aisle, whatever.

It was a good thing for us. Fun.

VF


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

They don't bother me. I would much rather see a happy kid on a leash running mostly free than a kid getting in trouble for getting away from Mom or Dad. I've been blessed so far with kids who don't run away from me when we go out, but if we had one do that, I would use it in a heartbeat (though probably the disguised backpack one to avoid other people's snarkiness).


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *artgoddess* 
and the all time favorite... http://www.mothering.com/discussions...hlight=highway

Wow. Just.. wow. I don't even know where to start. I'm only on page 13.


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## JessicaTX (Jul 9, 2006)

I had to use a harness with my 3rd. and I really mean HAD to. At the time I had an 8 year old, 4 year old, he was 2, and a newborn. As soon as his feet hit the ground he was running, he could unlock any lock and open any door.

When I had to go grocery shopping and stuff I very carefully got all three other kids out of the car first, put the baby in the sling, had the 8 year old hold the 4 year old's hand, slipped the leash over my wrist while I unlocked his car seat, and then tried to grab his hand before he made it the length of the leash into the parking lot. Without the leash, he'd have been across the parking lot before I could get the car door shut.







:

He's just always been that way, he hits the ground running when he wakes up, and doesn't stop until he keels over at night. I even used the harness when we co-slept.







: I didn't start that until he'd gotten out of bed before 6 am and was across the street playing in the neighbor's front yard. I didn't even wake up and it scared the living crap out of me. I had 3 locks on the front door, and he'd opened them all, and he was only 27 months old.


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## witchbaby (Apr 17, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aliviasmom* 
No no no no no no no. Oh. Did I say NO?! I DO NOT agree with them. I carry her in parking lots, across streets, etc. Otherwise she is right near me. We do, however, live in a smaller area. Not a small town, per se, but small enough that I'm comfortable.

i understand, but you only have one child. i was appalled by them when i was a mother of one. my daughter has never been a bolter and i scoffed at their use.
now, i'm not so sure. m is still small enough to be carried and he is content with that in public (he gets a little shy). i'm hoping he won't be a bolter, either, but i can't depend on that (they tend to get each other excited and i can easily see them taking off together at the zoo).


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

I am the mother of four kids ages 11.5, 10, 9, and 5.5.

I have never used a leash and would never have considered using a leash. My crew learned from early on to hold my hand when asked. It wasn't a discussion or negociation. If they refused they were carried or put in a stroller (which they didn't like much), so they learned they got to be walking if they complied.

I saw no need for them in our family.


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## Heffernhyphen (May 3, 2005)

I won't take the time to read the three pages of replies, but I'll toss my thoughts in. The only time I ever used a "leash" with DS was when he was between two and three-years-old and we were traveling by plane. When he was younger, I did travel with him in either a sling or backpack, but as he got bigger, the combo of his weight and the carry on stuff was too much. He liked to walk, but wouldn't cooperate happily with hand-holding for the length of time required to get through the airports and letting him more than 6 feet from my grasp was too uncomfortable. By attaching an actual dog lead to his pants' belt loop, he got to enjoy the illusion of freedom and I got the peace of knowing he was only a tug away.

In case what other people think is a concern for you, the only looks I ever got came attached to smiles and knowing nods.


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## Lisa Lubner (Feb 27, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Houdini* 
I am the mother of four kids ages 11.5, 10, 9, and 5.5.

I have never used a leash and would never have considered using a leash. My crew learned from early on to hold my hand when asked. It wasn't a discussion or negociation. If they refused they were carried or put in a stroller (which they didn't like much), so they learned they got to be walking if they complied.

I saw no need for them in our family.

See... I don't see why strapping a child down in a shoulder is any better than putting on a harnass. At least with the latter, they still get some exercise.

I should mention that my littlest holds my hand with the harnass on. It's just nice to have that extra security in case she decides to bolt. My older two walk with me just fine, but the 2 year old just doesn't understand WHY she needs to stay next to mommy yet.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

No need for my step son, he is a hip hugger. Never leaves our side.

But my brother growing up? He was all about exploring and breaking boundaries. If my mom said 'no' he would think that meant 'i dare you' basically.

To keep my brother safe my mom had him on a harness from about the time he figured out if he ran fast enough while my mom was carrying me he could get away to the time he understood that cars can make you road pizza.

Not all the time mind you, but anytime my mom couldnt give jesse her full attention in public he was in a harness.

He wanted to know what was behind the next car, behind the next aisle to explore.

Some people would say 'get your child under control'.... Well... it isn't a character defect and if he was an only child that she could devote all her time to I doubt he would have been leashed often. But when it came to his safety in public, he was harnessed.

I have no problem with harnesses. i have a friend with an autistic child. He is basically all there and HIGHLY intelligent. Wouldn't call him a savant but he can recite to you an entire movie word for word if he feels like it.

He is in 1st grade now, do't know if she still uses leashes or not, but there was a time when she was against them. They were in my parents drive way and just for a second she stopped watching him and my mom turned and said 'Where's Zach?'

They both looked at the road and he was going full barrel to it.

My friend took off after him full speed and my mom heard a bus horn, just happened to be the time of day that the elementary let out.

My mom saw chrissy grab zach and the bus went zooming by, my mom thought they had been hit because when the bus passed she couldnt see them.

Luckily Chrissy got there at the LAST second scooped up and dove into the ditch across the street. Bawling they both put their heads up and my mom could take a breath.

She wasn't against leashes anymore after that.


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## Houdini (Jul 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lisa Lubner* 
See... I don't see why strapping a child down in a shoulder is any better than putting on a harnass. At least with the latter, they still get some exercise.

I guess for us it was more of an issue of if you want to be allowed down to walk, you need to follow the rules. If they strayed to far ahead, they got a warning. If they strayed again, they had the option of holding a hand or sitting in the stoller/being carried.

I had no issues with them being down and walking, as long as they followed the safety rules of where we were.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Lisa Lubner*
I should mention that my littlest holds my hand with the harnass on. It's just nice to have that extra security in case she decides to bolt. My older two walk with me just fine, but the 2 year old just doesn't understand WHY she needs to stay next to mommy yet.

My crew don't always understand the reasoning behind safety rules (even at their current age), but they understand they should be compliant when asked.


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## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

my 22 mo likes to throw himself around and run away...fast, being almost 5 months pregnant and having a little bit of issues (like bad ankle/hip joints that hurt..and badly if i move wrong) and not being able to breathe well already...i need something! i cant carry him anymore, i will almost faint, and the stroller, hes too big for alresdy, he never used it until 17 or 18 months whih im proud of, i just wore him, but i just cant anymore, and i cant bend over to pick him up kicking and thriwing himself all over the place anymore,
and i felt SO embarassed with using a harness for my little brother- he was born whe i was almost 12- but i have to do something..so this might be my option :sigh:


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## twin monkeys (Mar 8, 2006)

Yes I have used them with the twins if I didn't I would have one running out between cars I use the dog backpack style ones. I usually put them on them backwards so they boys are hugging the dog, we also try freeze instead of stop and play the freeze game at home where we dance and jump then say freeze and eveyone has to freeze but it only works about 50% of the time so yes for saftey I do use the backpacks if I didn't I would never be able to leave the house and that would make for one







: mama bear


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I have used one for my Autistic son, when he was smaller. He doesn't bolt and nearly take my arm with him like he used to do anymore, so no need for one.

I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do. I had legitimate reasons to use one.

If someone ever approached me in public about it, I would tell them to mind their own business.

I used mine as a back up device in case my son tried to bolt. Just an extra measure of security. Not used in place of my hand or watchful eye, but as an assitance tool.

If my two yr old needs one, I will use one again.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do.

I am at this point in my life right now.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do. I had legitimate reasons to use one.

If someone ever approached me in public about it, I would tell them to mind their own business.









:
If dh and I are successful in our attempts to conceive again, I'm planning a HBA3C. However, if something does go wrong, and I have to transfer, ds2 will be on the harness for a few weeks (unless the weather's extra crappy or something - then we'll mostly be inside, anyway).


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## Hoopin' Mama (Sep 9, 2004)

I have a pretty strap of Guatamalen fabric that I keep in my diaper bag. In certain situations, I tie it around my wrist and ds's wrist or waist. So, I guess it's a tether of sorts.

I like it. I use it in situations where there is stuff I'd like to look at. For instance, a street fair or a festival. I use it so we can both relax. I can browse, he can explore and stay safe.

He calls it a leash (we have a dog). I have no problem with that. I do not use it too much because I also want him to be in the habit of holding hands.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 

I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do. I had legitimate reasons to use one.











I read that other thread. What a train wreck. I would use one in your shoes too (and who knows, the jury isn't out on my shoes either, I won't judge!).


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do. I had legitimate reasons to use one.

If someone ever approached me in public about it, I would tell them to mind their own business.























:


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## 59046 (Jun 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
May I just ask why any of those circumstances equal using the harness "as a babysitter"?

"Babysitting" might have been the wrong word. I was referring to instances where I have seen the child practically just dragged along behind the parent and no family members are paying attention to the child.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
I don't get it. So it's okay to use one in really large crowds (Disney, fairs, etc) to prevent a child from wandering away or getting kidnapped. But it's not okay to use one in the mall, grocery shopping, walking down the street to prevent the child from wandering away or getting kidnapped? Why is that?

Of course it is never right to let a child wander away, but there are some circumstances that are safer than others. My examples might not have been exactly what I was looking for. An example of when it's ok: a family of 8 is going to the Mall of America with two other large families. The parents are all watching out for all the kids, but at the end of the day they realize one is missing. If that child was tethered, he wouldn't have went missing. Thankfully he had only been missing for a short time and was reunited with his family quickly. (This is a true story, and maybe the reason why I am so scared to say tethers are evil.)


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BornInSeptember* 
"Babysitting" might have been the wrong word. I was referring to instances where I have seen the child practically just dragged along behind the parent and no family members are paying attention to the child.

I've got you. But, that's about _how_ the harness is used, not about _where_ the harness is used. I used mine when shopping once or twice - not more than that, as I didn't need it when I was fit enough to really shop again. But, I had dd on the harness a few times when picking up an item or two after the c-section. I certainly wasn't using it as a babysitter.


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## Jennifer Z (Sep 15, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
I have used one for my Autistic son, when he was smaller. He doesn't bolt and nearly take my arm with him like he used to do anymore, so no need for one.

I don't apologize or give excuses. If someone doesn't like the fact that I used a leash/tether/harness/whatever, I don't really care. You don't live my life and don't know why I make decisions the way I do. I had legitimate reasons to use one.

If someone ever approached me in public about it, I would tell them to mind their own business.

I used mine as a back up device in case my son tried to bolt. Just an extra measure of security. Not used in place of my hand or watchful eye, but as an assitance tool.

If my two yr old needs one, I will use one again.

what she said, exactly.

I never used it to drag around ds, but I needed it for a back up device because he was so unpredictable in those years. I haven't had to use it for a long time, but I keep it in my diaper bag in case he needs it. We got a stroller with a stand on thing on the back and that helps a lot in situations where I used to use a tether. I can't usually wear dd (unless dh is with me) since I might have to deal with a meltdown, and the stroller has been a great tool for us. I don't really give care if people are judgemental about the stroller either. They have no idea what it is like to be in my shoes.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

I guess I am more of a continuum concept type of mother. I think that any restraining device, be it a baby carrier, stroller or harness should be avoided for a toddler or child except where circumstances are such that you absolutely have to do it to ensure safety (or of course if if the child WANTS to be in it (for example, she is tired or just wants to relax or be held)). Otherwise, I do not believe in systematically putting ANY restraining device on a child. I let my DD walk with me. If circumstances demand that she be held or sit in a stroller, then she gets picked up or put in the stroller for that limited period of time (in our case, usually a few minutes). Otherwise, she walks with me. I think that the more you encourage your child to walk with you, the quicker he will learn to do just that.

In what circumstances you think you NEED to restrain is your call, based on the age and temperament of your child, how many other small children you have with you and the environment in which you are in.

While we do use a stroller for when safety requires it, I tend to think that forcing a child to sit in a stroller is probably the worst because then you are just teaching him that being carted around in chair is better than walking or running. Why would I want to teach my child to be lazy? At least with the leash or harness, he can walk.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cmlp* 
I think that the more you encourage your child to walk with you, the quicker he will learn to do just that.

Are you planning on having any more kids? Because I would love to quote this and get back to you in 20 years.

I find it *really* funny that those who are quick to pass judgement on harnesses/leashes are also those who have children who are willing to hold their hand or stop when told to stop. Can you (general you) not even consider that there are children who won't- or can't- do this? Can you really not see that there are some very real risks when you have a child like that? Unless you are done having children then you should be prepared to eat your words, should you have a runner, a child with autism, or any of the other reason we use harnesses. I know I, and other mamas on this board, have done just that and changed our opinions on them very quickly.


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## RomanGoddess (Mar 16, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
Are you planning on having any more kids? Because I would love to quote this and get back to you in 20 years.

I find it *really* funny that those who are quick to pass judgement on harnesses/leashes are also those who have children who are willing to hold their hand or stop when told to stop. Can you (general you) not even consider that there are children who won't- or can't- do this? Can you really not see that there are some very real risks when you have a child like that? Unless you are done having children then you should be prepared to eat your words, should you have a runner, a child with autism, or any of the other reason we use harnesses. I know I, and other mamas on this board, have done just that and changed our opinions on them very quickly.


Um, I would have preferred that you quote all of my post and not just one sentence. In particular, I think you should have read this part:

Quote:

In what circumstances you think you NEED to restrain is your call, based on *the age and temperament of your child, how many other small children you have* with you and the environment in which you are in.


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## lovingmommyhood (Jul 28, 2006)

I'm ALL for them. I would use a harness on my son if necessary.


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## daniedb (Aug 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Demeter9* 
Tried them, but my kids are like leashing cats. They immediately hit the bushes and run around lamp posts. :>









:


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## Owachi (Jan 15, 2007)

I bought some cute little leashes with stuffed animal backpacks which attach to the leash. I have ten month old twins and I think they will be necessary when I take them out in public by myself. I would rather people think I am mean for having them on a leash than lose one of my kids.


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## jenyum (Dec 27, 2001)

I would have used one with my eldest, except dh was vehemently opposed to the subject. Now that I am a more experienced Mom (and partner) I would just go get one. His safety issues with the kids as a 6 foot tall fit male were totally different from mine as a five foot tall pregnant then carrying a newborn female. IMO, if mama (or any primary caregiver) feels that it is life and death, buy the harness.

My eldest has always had an explosive temperement. She might give every indication of understanding the rules and being willing to hold hands and stay on the sidewalk, and then suddenly....not. We had a very very scary close call on this busy hill we lived on when she was a toddler and dd2 was a newborn. I had to make a quick decision and let go of the stroller and let it roll into the street. What if dd2 had been in the stroller rather than in her sling? Would I save the older child and let her roll into the street? Would I hold onto the stroller and let the older child get hit by the car? Run out into the street with the stroller and put it right into the path of oncoming traffic, risking the wheels sticking? There's no good answer to that one. It's all well and good to say "never" when your child is not the bolter.

After that, for about the next 6 months we had a rule that she could not get out of the stroller until we had reached our destination and she had to get right back into the stroller afterward. This really, really sucked. She hated being strapped in and it made leaving massively difficult. We didn't have a car and the roads were just not safe for a kid who would randomly make a run for it when she got angry. Carrying her and pushing the baby was not an option since she was already massive and weighed in at about 45 pounds and more than half my height.

Like I said, if I had a do-over? I'd buy that harness in a heartbeat.


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## ipfree (Oct 4, 2006)

Owachi --- I agree with you completely. As mothers it is so easy and tempting to pass mean judgement.
Let's all open our hearts and minds. Yes, a leash doesn't look pretty and doesn't look gentle and loving ... and yes it is a restraining device.
Only the mother of the child can know why she needs to do what she does.

If a mother does not feel comfortable letting her child roam free then why pass judgment? She is doing the best she can at the time. I used to be VEHEMENTLY against leashes. Now that I have my own free bird wild child ... I am feeling like a BOOB for giving people dirty looks for the leashes. Now I see a protective parent that loves their child and decided that's the best option at the time.

And Mamas with a child with autism. Hats off to you. I know how hard it can be.


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## thehappyhippo (Jan 1, 2007)

I don't like them. I think there are lots of other alternatives that are better.


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## andreac (Jul 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thehappyhippo* 
I don't like them. I think there are lots of other alternatives that are better.

Such as?


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *andreac* 
Such as?

I ask the same thing.


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

My mom was always opposed to child leashes until she had my little sister who was a runner. She hated holding hands and would basically drop to the floor and scream. She could also figure out how to climb out of strollers, so they weren't really an option either. One day when my mom was going to the post office Emmie took got away from her and almost got hit by a car. My mom went out and got a child leash and Emmie loved it. My mom could keep her from running off and Emmie could safely have the independence she wanted. IMO a leash, as long as it is not abused, a is a safety device.


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## WestCoastBuckeye (Jan 7, 2007)

Harnesses serve a purpose and can be very eful with the right child. A friend of mine has one and it really does help her son remember to stay close. Now he wants to wear it (it has a monkey on it-who wouldn't want to wear it







When he is in a good mood he will hold his own leash and walk with uswhen he's in an onery mood-an adulas to hold it. It keeps him safe-that the most imprtant thing


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thehappyhippo* 
I don't like them. I think there are lots of other alternatives that are better.

And they are?????


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

I know I've posted this before on these threads but this story still cracks me up.

The twins were barely 2 and we were at the beach, and had to cross a MAJOR highway at a traffic light to get to the beach (US Rte. 1... 3 lanes each direction). If one of them had bolted they'd have been smooshed by opposing traffic. I was worried about the what-ifs even though they weren't bolters, and we already looked like camels with all our beach gear there was no way we could dart after them. So my mom got harnesses for them - those old fashioned chest harness (look like the top of liederhosen!). Well they'd never been on leashes before and the kids thought it was a riot. The light turned green and as soon as we entered the loooooong crosswalk they began straining on the leashes and barking like dogs. OMG I was absolutely morified. MORTIFIED! But we made it safely across and back.









Dh and I still crack up about this. I've used a Maya ring sling once or twice too, but mostly we just teach them not to run and for us it works. So far never with our toddler (2) but never say never. Whatever works and is done respectfully.


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## inthezoo (Jul 28, 2005)

My son's elbow was dislocated (nursemaids elbow) so we did get him a harness, the one with the dog, to prevent it from happening again. If he decided suddenly not to hold my hand I can still catch him before he makes it out into the street. He's not always a runner but he has sudden moments and you can't tell when they might come. He doesn't mind wearing it and if we are inside and not on the street he will usually hold my hand and we just tuck the tail into the backpack portion of it. Even if he runs away in a store I don't have my eyes off him so don't worry too much about it. I didn't think I would ever use a child harness but his safety is what's most important and if using this harness can prevent another painful injury to his elbow I will gladly use it.


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## Periwinkle (Feb 27, 2003)

oh phew and here I was paranoid that I killed the thread and left everyone horrifed that I laugh at the memory of my children loving their little, um, make believe episode with the leashes














:


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Periwinkle* 
oh phew and here I was paranoid that I killed the thread and left everyone horrifed that I laugh at the memory of my children loving their little, um, make believe episode with the leashes














:










I don't find that horrifying at all. DD sometimes finds her old harness and puts it on and gets me to "walk" her.


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## BusyMommy (Nov 20, 2001)

They REALLY do re-enact everything!!! I taught Kinder for years and was amazed at how much I learned about people's "private" lives.







:


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