# I cannot handle my toddler anymore!!



## kdescalzi (Jul 30, 2007)

Everything is a battle from getting dressed to picking up toys to eating to getting in and out of the bath....everything. I am so tired if fighting with him. Ds is 3 and I know he is acting like a normal toddler but it is so trying and at the end of the day I feel like such a failure. I try so hard to redirect, explaining the siuations with him eye to eye at his level, I try compromise, choices, distraction ect. But in the end I lose my patience and I end up getting angry and he ends up in tears. Dh cannot deal with him either...he actually looses his cool a lot sooner than I would. I don't think there is anything else I can do but ride it out. I am just looking for some commiseration because I just hate fighting with him so much. I love him with all that I am but there are so many days I just want to throw him in his room and shut the door!! I hate feeling like none of my tactics work and I am so scared that I am creating a brat. Please help!!


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## ipeabody (Jun 4, 2007)

I have a spirited two year old, so I can relate. What saved me were two different approaches, re-framing his so-called challenging traits, and re-organizing the environment.

One of the things you can do is try to re-frame his behaviours in positive terms and it helps to feel more positively towards him. Some of these awful 'toddler' behaviours are actually pretty admired in the 'real' adult world. Instead of stubborn, I think of him as persistant. Instead of bossy, I think of him as showing leadership qualities. Instead of an over reactor, I think of him as passionate. As you can't really reason with a toddler, I do my best to address the hurtful behaviours, like physical aggression, but try to ignore the annoying ones, like throwing ones food on the floor and being extremely loud. You just do what you can with what you have, when you have it. Most of the behaviours will just go away on their own.

I try to organize my environment for success as well. I found a routine that works for us and I stick to it. If I know my toddler will have a hard time doing it, I either don't do it, or have a back up plan. I know when he'll be too tired and if we are gonna fight about stuff, so you decide in advance what you are going to do about it. I always have a plan. I know he needs outside time to shake his sillies out before I try to accomplish any of my tasks. I know he can't do anything that requires patience in the afternoon. I know he plays really well with other kids from 10-12, but any other time, he'll be too tired and get in more trouble. Basically, I've figured out his good and bad times during the day. I also have an 8 month old, but thank goodness he is very easy going and is fitting into our schedule. Our routine is what keeps us all sane.

My husband has a really hard time with him, mostly cause he doesn't understand two year olds. So I warn him in advance about what kind of day we are having and what he can expect. I don't punish, but we do have a play pen in the living room and when I can't take it anymore, he goes in there. He can play, eat and watch t.v, and at least mommy can sit down and have a coffee and re-group. Maybe you just need some time on your own, a break.


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## twin_mama (Feb 20, 2008)

My 2 1/2 yo dd is very trying in general. The constant tears, whining, crying, etc. I have no advice but wanted you to know that I get it!

In fact I'm glad I read your post today because just earlier I was wondering if other parents have to deal with the constant whining and crying like I do. It's enough to drive a person mad!


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

With DD1, 2.5 SUCKED. Then 3 came along, and things are getting easier.

I have good success with trying to keep things playful. For example, getting her out of the bath. Usually she's crouched down and pouting and doesn't want to get out. I say "OH NO! You're stuck in the mud! I have to rescue you! Hold out your arms!" and she'll giggle and put out her arms and basically get out on her own, but I lift her at the same time so it's dramatic and fun. Then I use the towel to get rid of "all that mud!"

Sometimes, choices seem to make things worse, instead of better. Sometimes, she is just overwhelmed and needs to lean on my to make all of the decisions.

Sometimes, we need a break from each other.

Sometimes, it seems to better if I just act all-out silly. We'll have lunch on the picnic blanket in the middle of living room. I'll ask her if she wants a fork or spoon to eat her sandwich. I'll ask her if she wants a purple cup or a green with orange polka dots cup (while holding out a pink cup or a yellow cup). Anything that makes her laugh can generally help sway her into being more cooperative.

We also work on taking deep breaths and getting our emotions under control.


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## kdescalzi (Jul 30, 2007)

Thank you for the replies. I find that I do try all the suggestions sometimes to no avail.....those are the days that just seem so bad. I find the closer he comes to 3 the worse he gets. I feel so bad fighting him but sometimes I am just so tired and my patience wains. (We have a 5 mo old who is still up a lot at night). My dh thinks that i am too easy on him and that is why he acts the way he does. I just wanted to hear from other moms of toddlers to know that he is normal and that he is still too young to really understand all the "rules"


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

I am right there with you momma, only DD is 2.

I've been posting over in the anger management thread. I've even considered going to therapy b/c DD is KILLING me.

The best salve has been watching my DH struggle with DD today and needing my help just to get her out of the house (and even then we couldn't keep shoes or a coat on her). Because it's not ME, it's DD and her phase, kwim? I've been feeling like a horrid failure and berating myself for not having more patience. These bad phases really make me miss the 'tribe' and wish I had one to lean on.

I have had some success using Naomi Aldort's SALVE method, but since 2 is different from 3, I have no idea if it will work for you. My big idea is since DD is doing well with pling that I'm going to find a preschool for 2.5 yos and see if I can get her into it. Let someone else deal with her and try to teach her!

Once the current classes DD is in are over, I'm just going to hunker down with her at home until the storm passes and she hits preschool age. And if she has to watch a bunch of TV for us to get through this with our sanity intact so be it.

V


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## GiantGi (Feb 13, 2007)

*Nodding my head in agreement*

My 2 yo is trying most days too. Its been a learning experience for DH and I.


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## DeerMother (Apr 22, 2008)

Mine are 21 months and it is starting and in full force. I posted on facebook the other day that "toddler is just a nice way of saying wild person"














And then these tantrum/fits/I'm hitting a developmental milestone so I'm going to scream for 1 hour and you can't fix it things. . . yeah, I'm worn out.

Not sure if this would work for a 3 yr old, but I've been having some luck w/ using a timer. If no timer is available I pretend I have one on my cell phone. For example, they love to color but it has to be supervised b/c they like to draw murals on the walls. Sometimes I need to do something else. So we color until I'm done, then I say, "we're coloring for 5 more minutes and then we're done. The alarm will beep". Then it becomes the timer's fault and not mean mommy's fault. I also use it when they want to do something that needs supervision and I'm not ready by saying I'm going to set the timer for x minutes and when it beeps you will have my full attention.


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## peachespoe (Apr 16, 2008)

I only have a 13 month old, so I am not in your place yet, although my DD is a spirited little one so I am anticipating that she will be a handful at 2. Because of this, I have already started looking into various books/techniques to guide me.

I just watched Harvey Karps, "Happiest Toddler on The Block" DVD. He specifically talks about dealing with toddler tantrums. I have just started to try the techniques but DD only has mini tantrums right now so I can't testifiy to the results yet.

You may want to look into the book/dvd though. Just a thought.


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## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

I understand. I have days when i would really just like to put my ds in a cage and leave him there a while. Unfortnately, he figured out how to crawl out of the playpen before he turned 2 (it was mostly just a toy depot anyway).

Despite the fact that it gets no credit in this society- parenting is the hardest job I can think of- at least if you are really trying to do it right. And sometimes I don't try to do it "right"- sometimes I take away the toys and stuff that are annoying me, because I'm tired of being annoyed. Sometimes I tell my kids, "If you get dressed we can go to the park, but if you don't get dressed, that's fine- we can stay home and I'll get some laundry done". Sometimes after we have a few days of staying in our pj's not doing anything because I don't have it in me to have any fights- things get better. Sometimes.


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## punkrockmomma (Jan 29, 2008)

I have a 2.5 YO DD, and she is a hand full. Her thing is getting into EVERYTHING!!! I drives me nuts, she won't leave anything alone, especially stuff she knows she's not supposed to play with. I'm going to be honest I can't wait until she starts day care in the afternoons in January, when I start school. She's been at home with me since she's been born, and I think the time away from home, playing and learning with other kids her age will be really good for her. OP I think we all feel like failures as parents sometimes. Toddlers are so challenging, I know I keep going back and forth about wanting another child in the future, because I don't want to have to deal with another toddler again.







This feeling always passes though.


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## Kaimamasan (Mar 7, 2009)

I feel your collective pain.

DS today (27 months) : No pants!
Me: Okay, you don't have to wear pants.
DS: PAAAAAANNNNTS!!! I WANT PANTS!!!
Me: Here are your pants.
DS: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO PANTS!

This went on for a half hour. I wish I had a skirt to offer him.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaimamasan* 
I feel your collective pain.

DS today (27 months) : No pants!
Me: Okay, you don't have to wear pants.
DS: PAAAAAANNNNTS!!! I WANT PANTS!!!
Me: Here are your pants.
DS: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO PANTS!

This went on for a half hour. I wish I had a skirt to offer him.

No you don't. We are dealing with this re: skirts. It's not fun. We are now hiding clothes in the hopes of avoiding DD demanding 'cute outfit? pretty dress? Dance?'

I can totally see that I'm going to have to go out in public with DD so inappropriately dressed (tonight's ensemble, orange halloween shirt and pink patchwork flouncy skirt) that someone will call CPS not realizing it was that atrocious outfit or streaking.









I was talking to DH today about how hard it was to get DD out of the house--What this morning looked like: Put DD's shoes and coat on, she takes them off, flings them willy nilly, we hunt down shoes, chase DD in circles, stuff her feet into the shoes, then chase her with the coat, give up on the coat, oh sh*t the shoes are off again, pick up the shoes, snatch the coat, and fling DD over DH's back like a sack of potatoes while she screams like a fire alarm.

Parenting a toddler is often about accepting the lesser of two evils. Today it was no shoes and no coat.

I hope this doesn't end up like strip poker.

V


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## lach (Apr 17, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaimamasan* 
I feel your collective pain.

DS today (27 months) : No pants!
Me: Okay, you don't have to wear pants.
DS: PAAAAAANNNNTS!!! I WANT PANTS!!!
Me: Here are your pants.
DS: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO PANTS!

This went on for a half hour. I wish I had a skirt to offer him.

Wow, did my daughter show up at your house today and pretend to be your son? Because we have this conversation 100x a day, about EVERYTHING. "Would you like some milk?" "No! No milk! Juice!" "Okay, no milk." "Milk! Waaaah! I want milk!" Repeat with every little thing.

I agree with the recommendation for the Karp book: I found that really helpful. Making sure that DD gets ton of sleep also helps.


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## spring978 (Aug 6, 2007)

Thank you Thank you Thank you. I logged in here tonight exausted DS3 was sick last week and this week has been in rare form even for him. Dh and I both beat.

THen I read this and thank god we arent alone maybe we have a chance after all maybe just maybe we havent failed completely and this really is normal.


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## Kaimamasan (Mar 7, 2009)

Ugh! Today it was:

Me: Okay, let's take your car seat belt off so we can go play.
DS: NO! NO TAKE SEAT BULB OFF! NO NO!
Me: Okay, so you want to stay in the car?
ÐS: GET OUUUUUUT CAR! OUT! OUT! OUT! WAAAHH!
Me: Okay sweetie, lets take your seat belt off so you can get out
DS: LEAVE SEAT BULB ON!! ON! ON! ON!
Me: I give up.
DS: GET OUT CAR! LEAVE SEAT BULB ON! NO SEAT BULB OFF! GET OUT CAR! OUT! ON! OUT! ON! OUT! ON! (and so on, with lots of wailing and general freaking right out)

Mommy needs a drink.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Kaimamasan* 
Ugh! Today it was:

Me: Okay, let's take your car seat belt off so we can go play.
DS: NO! NO TAKE SEAT BULB OFF! NO NO!
Me: Okay, so you want to stay in the car?
ÐS: GET OUUUUUUT CAR! OUT! OUT! OUT! WAAAHH!
Me: Okay sweetie, lets take your seat belt off so you can get out
DS: LEAVE SEAT BULB ON!! ON! ON! ON!
Me: I give up.
DS: GET OUT CAR! LEAVE SEAT BULB ON! NO SEAT BULB OFF! GET OUT CAR! OUT! ON! OUT! ON! OUT! ON! (and so on, with lots of wailing and general freaking right out)

Mommy needs a drink.


Me too. How long does this stage last?

I got a head butt to the stomach and chin today. But overall, it was an okay day. Would be easier if I wasn't sick.

V


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## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

Oh, I just feel for all of you so much! I remember feeling this way with the first. Now that my fourth is three, I just know it's developmental. I know I'm not a failure and that he won't be a brat forever. I have found three years old to be the most challenging age so far with all of them (my first is almost eight now). I third or fourth the recommendation for Dr. Karp (book or DVD) and also recommend The Emotional Life of the Toddler. I think the author is Lieberman. I just avoid as many battles as possible. I have taken the three-year-old in the car naked and brought his clothes with us, telling him when we get there that he can't get out until he's dressed. All of mind have worn the most outrageous outfits to every place imagineable including preschool and church. Hang in there, it won't last forever!


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## Kaimamasan (Mar 7, 2009)

Thank you Meg's Mom. Its nice to hear from someone who has survived with their sanity intact.

I'm so depressed when I wake up each morning..can't cope with another day of the toddler wars.
This too shall pass..this too shall pass. right?


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

Mine turns 3 next month, and one of the things she does to me is ask for something (in a nice, calm voice), and even when I'm paying attention to her, there's a tiny delay for me to "hear" what she wanted (like for my brain to process the request and start to formulate a reply). But before I can answer her, she immediately starts crying like her world is at an end b/c I didn't say "yes" to her request fast enough. Then even if I get her to stop crying, she usually won't repeat the request.


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## sophi4ka (Jun 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twin_mama* 
My 2 1/2 yo dd is very trying in general. The constant tears, whining, crying, etc. I have no advice but wanted you to know that I get it!

In fact I'm glad I read your post today because just earlier I was wondering if other parents have to deal with the constant whining and crying like I do. It's enough to drive a person mad!

Oh, I am so glad you said that. I could write exactly the same word by word. My DD is constantly whining and crying or screaming if she doesn't get what she wants at THIS VERY SECOND. It is true that it is enough to drive a person mad. It does. I am going mad. Sometimes she just whines and whines and I don't know what she wants. Like she just wants to be annoying or something.

I lose my patience so quick lately. I can't stand her at times. I feel like a terrible mother way too often these days, cause I am constantly irritated at her. I am trying to be positive and nice, but seriously, how much patience can a person have? Some days I so wish I could send her away somewhere and get some rest.

I totally get you. And it scares me that DD is not even 2 yet. So it means that the worse is yet to come...


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## Disco Infiltrator (Jul 28, 2008)

toddlers are so crazy - they're stuck between baby and child, they're entire world is about them making the decision and opposing us, they're CRAZY. Our DS basically refuses to eat unless HE has come up with the food choice. Most recently he decided to lie on the ground of the drug store parking lot screaming because he didn't want to go home. We just stood there until he was done and attempted to stifle our giggles at his total ridiculousness, and at least appeared to take him seriously.

One think I can suggest to parents of boys - they don't like to be looked in the eye. I don't bother even attempting to make DS look at me when I want to get a point across. I just hold him and talk into his ear. It reduces a lot of my frustration. Also, toddlers will hear you but not respond to your request right away, so even if they appear to be not listening, they are, and they may do what you requested at some point in the future. Lastly, I try to remember that whatever DS is upset about or is oppositional about really is important to HIM. It is life and death in his mind. That helps me maintain my empathy for him.


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## butterfly_mommy (Oct 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Disco Infiltrator* 
toddlers are so crazy - they're stuck between baby and child, they're entire world is about them making the decision and opposing us, they're CRAZY. Our DS basically refuses to eat unless HE has come up with the food choice. Most recently he decided to lie on the ground of the drug store parking lot screaming because he didn't want to go home. We just stood there until he was done and attempted to stifle our giggles at his total ridiculousness, and at least appeared to take him seriously.

One think I can suggest to parents of boys - they don't like to be looked in the eye. I don't bother even attempting to make DS look at me when I want to get a point across. I just hold him and talk into his ear. It reduces a lot of my frustration. Also, toddlers will hear you but not respond to your request right away, so even if they appear to be not listening, they are, and they may do what you requested at some point in the future. Lastly, I try to remember that whatever DS is upset about or is oppositional about really is important to HIM. It is life and death in his mind. That helps me maintain my empathy for him.

Thank you for those great points! Yes toddlers are CRAZY!

This morning DS ran off after I got his clothes and diaper together.
Me: "Julian come get dressed"
Julian: - Running off like a mad man in the opposite direction "No"
Me- "Do you want to see Grandma and Grandpa?"
J- Happily "Yesh" - Turns around and starts following me to the bedroom.
M- "Ok then first diaper and clothes"
J - Crying out "No" and running to the door to bang against it "Poppa, Poppa, poppa"
M- "You want to see Grandpa?"
J-crying "Yesh"
M- "You will, first diaper and clothes"
J- crying "yesh" bangs on door "Poppa, poppa...."

Then it is like a pig wrestling competition to diaper and dress him. If I can not get it all done in 30 secs then he is on the go and refuses to lie still.









I used to work as a Toddler teacher and had 5 toddlers in my group and used to have the patience of a saint but now I am just frustrated, angry mama more then I ever thought possible.

Again thanks for the reminders


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## Nansense (Jan 5, 2009)

I have tears and laughter for you all...and I'm right there with you! I have two boys: 3 1/2 & 4 yo (almost 5). I've been living in he!! for 3 yrs. A pp said waking up depressed at the thought of her day - yup. me. All the back & forth arguements:yup.

I have the hardest time not taking things personally. WHen I get hit, kicked, yelled at, called mean words, etc... after a while it gets to me and I feel like a failure. Every decision I make I question myself - "is this a battle I'm supposed to win or should I have let it go?" COnstantly questioning.

No one ever said it was like this. They said it was "fun, great, wonderful!" I have yet to say to the world "motherhood is fun, I like this..." I am always at the end of my rope with a slight retreat to calmness, but only about a half inch.

ANd the guilt - I pray all my yelling and occassional nastiness will be forgotten and they don't turn into psychopaths.

Hugs to all.


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## PPK (Feb 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Nansense* 

ANd the guilt - I pray all my yelling and occassional nastiness will be forgotten and they don't turn into psychopaths.


So true, except I've been more than occasionally nasty with DS (2.5).

Our biggest problem lately is when we actually have friends stop by; he gets overexcited and demanding for attention. He won't let us just hang out and have an 'unstressed' moment. This is fairly new, so I hope it'll pass soon.

Otherwise, no advice, but can relate!


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

I'm so glad I'm not alone. This is a GREAT thread.

DD is driving me nuts. She head butted my husband on purpose the other day and gave herself a black eye. I sometimes feel like I'm raising the next UFC champ or something.

There's very little sweetness and light over here. 2 is major drama. Very explosive. Violent--I got head butted in the stomach and hip last night, but it was an accident, not a toddler ninja attack.

DD's little classes are finishing up and I refuse to sign her up for anything else b/c I'm NOT going to fight her tooth and nail to get dressed and out of the house.

We are watching a lot of PBS over here right now. Just trying to survive this stage and avoid conflict.

ETA: I really think I want to go back to work and I fantasize about daycare for DD, but I don't think it will help. Just more things to be on time for which DD just cannot handle right now.

V


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

Oh man, I can sure relate to all of this. DS is almost three and I am losing my mind. I don't know that I'm cut out for spending entire days upon days following someone else's wants entirely - who is? Especially when that person is barking orders at me and head butting me. What is up with the head butting - I saw that on here a few different times! DS did it to me on my brow yesterday and it hurt so bad that I burst into tears. He asked, "What happened to Mama?" which makes me so angry because clearly it was him ramming his noggin into my face and what I want to say is, "YOU F-ING HEAD BUTTED ME FOR NO F-ING REASON!" but I tried to explain what had happened and that I was crying because it hurt me. Then after I explain pain and hurt and being gentle he asks, "Whhhhhhy?" They are truly here to stomp on our last nerve, I think! I asked my mom the other day, "Can you think of any other job in which the person you are trying to help is running away from you not allowing you to help them?" and she said, "Mental hospital?"

I did have a very validating moment yesterday though - DH hasn't been working much lately because his business is slow, so he's been spending lots of time with DS over two weeks and he finally got it - he got what it feels like to be on the hamster wheel everyday of trying to get through the day, rarely doing what he wants and feeling exhausted at the end of it. He was like, "I am going crazy here. I don't know how you've done it." I think most dads don't truly get it because they do a few days here and there, but rarely the constant everyday struggle. And it's that never-ending cycle that is the killer. If an end is in sight, you can handle just about anything, but if you know that you have to wake up to this struggle everyday for the next X amount of years, it is enough to make you depressed (which some mamas here have said).

A friend told me that she read a great book about this stage (Your Three Year Old: Friend or Enemy) and it said to have other people babysit your kid as much as possible during this time. The struggles will be less for the babysitter and the kid because the babysitter doesn't really, genuinely care about any of the stuff because they aren't doing it day in and day out. And therefore the kid isn't pressing buttons like they do with us. We all have probably had instances in which we were shocked that our DC didn't struggle with something with another person (whether it be teeth brushing, diaper changing, etc.) when it's an issue with us every time.

I know for me personally, this has been harder to deal with because I am the youngest and never have really had to deal with a constant battle from anyone. I don't know what it's like to have to take crap from someone because I have always lived my life "crap-free" by choosing only positive and rewarding relationships. But now, I feel like I am at a loss because I don't have those skills and find this to be the hardest thing in the world. DH and I want more kids, but there is a part of me that doesn't know if I can do this again from the teething to the night-waking to the toddler stuff. Is it easier the second time around in terms of being able to handle all this stuff?


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## bstandlee (May 14, 2007)

I am so thankful for this thread! I have been at my wit's end with DS, 2.5. I feel like all I do anymore is turn on PBS for him and count down the minutes until he's ready for sleep. Don't get me started on his refusing to nap and then being so exhausted he makes the rest of the day miserable for everyone around him. And grocery shopping yesterday was such a disaster...talk about humbling...not even being able to get groceries by yourself with a 2.5 year old. Ridiculous! I'm almost crying in relief that I'm not the only one!


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

@happytobeamama

I am actually really looking forward to preschool precisely for the reasons you mentioned. Let someone else deal with DD, maybe they can get through to her!

I was asking moms about preschools for 2.5 yo and they were telling me about various programs. One mentioned a program where I could go too and I was like...

"No. I don't need or want to go. Let them deal with DD."

And there was a shocked little silence from moms who KNOW what 2 is like.

I felt sooooo mean, but it was honest. My DH and I are at our wit's end with DD. We need reinforcements.

Of course, I feel the need to say, DD has been okay the last few days. Not too bad. Some tantrums and difficult behavior but not enough to where we couldn't do anything. We still left the house and were mostly on time to things.

Also, I ordered a TON of parenting books looking for some tips and techniques. And they are all advice for old school parents who have never heard of GD. Grrrr. So apparently, we've outpaced the capacity of GD--which does work sometimes, but when it doesn't what am I to do? No one seems to know!
V


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

When I dropped DS off at preschool today, he was SO independent. He's usually fine, but always likes that I'm there, but today he was off and running and one of the teachers told me afterward, "He had a really independent day today!" so we're going through something! And it's cool that he's learning so much and feeling so big and powerful, but man, I can't do it 24-7!

About books - I am looking for these three at my local used book shop...

The Emotional Life of the Toddler
The Magic Years
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

I can't tell if just one of these books will do it for me, so I'd like to read all three. That last one is a book about being zen in the face of parenting and I could definitely use a pep talk about being in the moment and breathing









I saw a review on Amazon for the Emotional Life of the Toddler and although the writer is AP-minded, I guess there's a section on sleep and the lady dismisses co-sleeping, which is a bummer. We don't co-sleep with DS anymore (so thankful - I need some kind of break!), but it makes me raise an eyebrow that the author doesn't see it's worth. But I can always just skip that chapter.


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## StopThat! (Jun 23, 2009)

It's been one of those days (weeks) here too. My 19 mo is in a phase where he likes to take mouthfuls of food or drink (or BM even) and spit them every where sprinkler style. I've cleaned more this week than I thought I would in a whole life time.

I know this sounds dramatic - but to bring myself back down to the ground when I feel myself getting mean... I think about all the parents who lost a child and would give anything to be cleaning rice krispies off their walls. Oprah did an episode about missing children, and just face after face of missing babies, toddlers (and older children) scrolled down the screen. So today when he kicked me in the wrist while I tried to put his shoes on I pictured those faces and TRYED to be thankful I have him.

I told you it was dramatic - but it works for me. (sometimes)


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## LionTigerBear (Jan 13, 2006)

My three-year-old is like this. Oh. my. goodness.

Hold On To Your Kids is a great all-encompassing parenting book. so is Raising Our Kids Raising Ourselves. But I am no saint, myself. I just do my best. sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I have just had it. Sigh.

Anyway, I wanted to mention that one thing that really really makes a difference for some kids is food allergies or intolerances. My son is allergic to dairy and wheat and we had recently tried reintroducing some of each and each time it made his behavior AWFUL. Ugh. Also, he has to be on a sugar-free diet, too, or else he gets crazy. So, something to consider.

Oh, and no, the second one is not necessarily easier. Our first son was an angel as a toddler. Our second son is . . . very strong-willed and aggressive and assertive. Lol. We shall see how the third one goes . . .


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## Harmony96 (Jun 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LionTigerBear* 
Anyway, I wanted to mention that one thing that really really makes a difference for some kids is food allergies or intolerances. My son is allergic to dairy and wheat and we had recently tried reintroducing some of each and each time it made his behavior AWFUL. Ugh. Also, he has to be on a sugar-free diet, too, or else he gets crazy. So, something to consider.

Yes, this. Not for my own DD, but for one of her little friends. Sugar and preservatives affect her pretty severely... not sure what else does.


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## Megs Mom (Mar 19, 2002)

Second the rec for Your Three Year Old. The authors are Ames and Ilg, and I have appreciated every book in the series.


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happy2bamama* 
When I dropped DS off at preschool today, he was SO independent. He's usually fine, but always likes that I'm there, but today he was off and running and one of the teachers told me afterward, "He had a really independent day today!" so we're going through something! And it's cool that he's learning so much and feeling so big and powerful, but man, I can't do it 24-7!

About books - I am looking for these three at my local used book shop...

The Emotional Life of the Toddler
The Magic Years
Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

I can't tell if just one of these books will do it for me, so I'd like to read all three. That last one is a book about being zen in the face of parenting and I could definitely use a pep talk about being in the moment and breathing









I saw a review on Amazon for the Emotional Life of the Toddler and although the writer is AP-minded, I guess there's a section on sleep and the lady dismisses co-sleeping, which is a bummer. We don't co-sleep with DS anymore (so thankful - I need some kind of break!), but it makes me raise an eyebrow that the author doesn't see it's worth. But I can always just skip that chapter.

I have The Emotional Life of a Toddler--it's a nice book but not, imo/ime, very useful. More theory, less practice.

I also have Everyday Blessings I believe, too spiritual for me. I couldn't slog through the text. I liked Momma Zen better, more readable and she admits to being human. She also has a blog.

I should re-read it. I first read it when DD was still an infant and I could read while she nursed. Ahh those were the days.









V


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## jaxinsmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Megs Mom* 
Second the rec for Your Three Year Old. The authors are Ames and Ilg, and I have appreciated every book in the series.

Same.

I posted on here about a year and a half ago with a thread titled "does anyone else want to lock themselves in their bathroom, rather than dealing with their 3 yo?"

I got a lot of responses, and one was the suggestion for this book -- IT SAVED MY LIFE!!!! There is no advice in it, but the author explaines WHY kids act the way they do at that stage in their life. It was so nice to understand where he was coming from and it helped me realize that it was just a stage and that it would end.

I have a friend who h as two girls 7 & 4 and her and her dh are contemplating at thrid, but as she said to me "I want another baby, but I don't want another 3 year old".

I routinely felt as thought I was ruining my son OR creating at brat....there was never a win, most days were a struggle and I went to bed feeling like crap. Then, slowly it got better. I enrolled him in a respite program down the road (which the authors HIGHLY recommend) and he was able to have some time every week to play with friends and I got a break.

He's almost 5 now and our relationship gets better and better every day!

Hang in there (hugs)


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## OTMomma (Aug 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *happy2bamama* 
Is it easier the second time around in terms of being able to handle all this stuff?

The second time around it a whole new ball game- you, the parent are more expreienced to deal with it- but you get a new kid with a whole different presonality, so its a flip up.


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## EnchantedMamma (May 19, 2008)

*My 19 mo is in a phase where he likes to take mouthfuls of food or drink (or BM even) and spit them every where sprinkler style.*

Us too. My thought: you (DS) are a loved, cared-for baby who does NOT live in a 3rd world country. If you are choosing to spit food (or drink), you are DONE with that food or drink. You are not starving and there will be another meal, or a bedtime sippy if necessary.

End of story. No fuss, no bargaining. If one reminder to 'Chew your food' falls on deaf ears, that is the end.

Of course, for us this usually occurs at the end of the meal. If it's the beginning... you have to consider whether or not to go ahead with removing the food/drink. Sigh.


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## Narn (Nov 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *twin_mama* 
My 2 1/2 yo dd is very trying in general. The constant tears, whining, crying, etc. I have no advice but wanted you to know that I get it!

In fact I'm glad I read your post today because just earlier I was wondering if other parents have to deal with the constant whining and crying like I do. It's enough to drive a person mad!











It's so good to know I'm not alone!


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

I love this thread. It's so the epitome of the phrase "misery loves company."

Things that are working right now:
Less TV
More outdoor time (so not looking forward to real winter weather soon!)
DD has turned into a cuddlebug (!!!) but it must be on HER terms and at HER initiation

Things that are not working:
She STILL doesn't get that she's not allowed to pick up the baby.
When she wants to play with something we have deemed an "outdoor toy" and she wants to play with it right.now. Problem being, it's after dark, we don't have our own yard, and/or she's in jammies. Huge tantrums.
She hasn't pooped in like 4 days. No idea why. She says her tummy feels fine, and there have beena couple "false alarms," but still, no poop. Is this a control issue? Is she purposefully holding it in? Do I make it worse by asking if she needs to go?


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## Violet2 (Apr 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
I love this thread. It's so the epitome of the phrase "misery loves company."

Things that are working right now:
Less TV
More outdoor time (so not looking forward to real winter weather soon!)
DD has turned into a cuddlebug (!!!) but it must be on HER terms and at HER initiation

Things that are not working:
She STILL doesn't get that she's not allowed to pick up the baby.
When she wants to play with something we have deemed an "outdoor toy" and she wants to play with it right.now. Problem being, it's after dark, we don't have our own yard, and/or she's in jammies. Huge tantrums.
She hasn't pooped in like 4 days. No idea why. She says her tummy feels fine, and there have beena couple "false alarms," but still, no poop. Is this a control issue? Is she purposefully holding it in? Do I make it worse by asking if she needs to go?

Momma; Just a word to the wise, a I-wish-someone-had-told-me re: the poop holding. Get some of the little tummies stool softener asap. Target should have it. It will keep her poo soft and kind of prompt her along to eliminate.

The poop stuff is ALL about control at this age and they will hold it until they make themselves sick. Ask me how I know! I thought our ped was kind of weird b/c they kept pushing Miralax on me every time we saw them but now I understand. I see the light!

As for the clingy hugging on their terms, we have that too. I am sick of it. DD goes around the house whining 'hug? huuuug? huuuuuug?' She even does it when we are actually already hugging.









V


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