# 4 month old driving me crazy--any advice?



## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

My DS just turned four months, and since last week he has been waking up all night long. We put him down to bed around 8:30-9 pm with no problems; he goes down just fine. What ensues, however, is waking at 12:45, then 1:30, then 3:30, then 5:30, then 6:30, then 7:30...ugh. I am sick with a horrible virus that I can't shake because I can't get a good night's rest, grumpy all day at DH, and I have no energy to play with the little guy.

Sometimes I can give DS the pacifier at 12:45 and he'll go back to sleep, but after that, I am nursing him back to sleep each time. Do I need to let him cry some of these wakings? I would hate to do that, since I don't believe in CIO... Does he really need to eat each time? How do I know?

I've tried sleeping with him, swaddling, laying him on his tummy, blanket, no blanket, etc, and nothing seems to be making a difference. I am at my wit's end. Can anybody help?


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## readytobedone (Apr 6, 2007)

do you co-sleep? is he upset when he wakes, or just awake? i find what really helps when we have nights like this is just to bring DD into our bed (she sleeps in a co-sleeper), put her between us, and let her "play" (but don't play with her at all) until she realizes that nighttime is really boring, since mommy and daddy aren't interacting with her, and then she fusses to get nursed back to sleep. so i nurse her back to sleep. the whole thing is usually about an hour, tops.

it is exhausting, but i think it's less exhausting when i don't have to get out of bed at all and can at least doze while she talks to her hands in bed









and she almost never cries at night. the only time she might cry is if she wakes to eat and i have to pee first, then DH will hold her until i get back. but i'm sure if she slept in another room, there'd be a lot more crying since she'd have to be loud to get our attention.


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## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

DS starts off in his crib, and then comes in to bed with us at some point depending on how easy he is to get back to sleep. Usually when he wakes up he does a little "eh eh eh" and then launches into a cry. There isn't much time between "eh eh eh" and crying. He doesn't typically wake up wanting to play. (Sometimes by 6 a.m. he's up and bright-eyed, but the true, "middle of the night" wakings aren't of this variety.)
We use monitors when he's in his crib, so as soon as he's making any noise at all, we hear it. It's not like he has to cry for a while to get our attention. I always try to get to him ASAP--it's just I am getting up to get to him every two hours or so!


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## rabbitmum (Jan 25, 2007)

I think it sounds like a normal sleep pattern for a four month old. I would just breastfeed him back to sleep every time he wakes up. His sleep pattern will change as he grows older. Meanwhile, maybe you can get some extra sleep when he sleeps in the daytime?


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## graceshappymum (May 11, 2006)

sounds like a normal sleep pattern to me, given his age. It never really fazed me as DD (19months) has co-slept with us since she was born. We ow have her crib sidecared to the bed just so we all have enough room. It also gives her the space that she needs while allowing lazy ole me to just scoot over to BF if she wakes at night. I'm with you on the feeling crapy and trying to get over a virus....try to nap with your DS when he goes down durring the day.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Sounds pretty normal. I would work on arranging yourself so that you have to do as little as possible to get him latched on at his first stirring.

And of course, it is never okay to leave them to cry- but you know that









-Angela


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
My DS just turned four months, and since last week he has been waking up all night long. We put him down to bed around 8:30-9 pm with no problems; he goes down just fine. What ensues, however, is waking at 12:45, then 1:30, then 3:30, then 5:30, then 6:30, then 7:30...ugh.

My DS is 9 months old, and pretty much has the same sleep/wake schedule as your little guy. Really makes me feel like a zombie. So, no advice, sadly. Just a







from one sleep-deprived mom to another.


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## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

The thing is, he used to do a nice stretch from 9 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sometimes even 3...I wonder if those days are gone forever (or at least the forseeable future)...







:


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## carriereads (Jul 20, 2007)

My DD just turned five months old and does the same exact thing! She sleeps next to me, so when she wakes, she can immediately latch on. I usually fall right back asleep, so I feel well rested the next day.
I've tried to pat her back or soothe her in other ways when she wakes hourly and I don't feel like she is hungry...but she wants nothing to do with that!!! She accepts nothing but the breast! So, I have been having my husband rock her and soothe her to sleep more often, so that she can get used to other sleep associations.
I've noticed that she sleeps longer stretches when we've had a peaceful, restful day. Also noticed that if she is wearing long pj's she wakes more frequently (I think she gets too hot in them, b/c she's next to me.) Although I think your DS's sleeping patterns are normal, you could try changing his pj's....making sure your using 100% cotton, comfortable, breathable clothing.
Carrie


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
The thing is, he used to do a nice stretch from 9 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sometimes even 3...I wonder if those days are gone forever (or at least the forseeable future)...







:

I don't want to scare you, but they very well might be. DS was the same way, and once he began to really move around - roll over, crawl, pull up - he has never slept like that again. But, the good news is that he's slowly doing longer and longer stretches again, so it will return... someday! Don't get me wrong though, he's still up three or four times a night, but the beauty is that all I have to do is roll over and give him the breast and we're both back to sleep immediately.

I know you guys do the crib, but I can't tell you what a lifesaver co-sleeping is. If you truly feel like a zombie, perhaps trying a full night of co-sleeping might help. You can always go back to the crib if you don't like it, but you just never know, your DC might love it and sleep longer. But I also think his wake patterns are completely normal for a baby that age.


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## aprildawn (Apr 1, 2004)

Sorry about the frequent wakings. I know what a bummer that can be, esp when the baby used to sleep better!!

It sounds normal to me, too. Could be a growth spurt?

Know this, sleep gets progressively better as they get older. There are set-backs like teething, sickness, growth spurts, developmental stuff. But it *does* get better. . .eventually.


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## rzberrymom (Feb 10, 2005)

Oh, four months is such a hard time!! These articles really helped me understand what goes on at that age.

Wakeful 4 Month Olds

what are sleep regressions anyway?


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## Dolphin (Apr 22, 2004)

Great info and links - thanks!!

OP, my ds is going through the exact same thing. We cosleep, which is truly saving my sanity and preventing sleep deprivation. He's also my second, so I do know this passes. It's hard though - hang in there.


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## Prairiemother (Feb 4, 2005)

This might not be something that would work for you but what I found helpful for me (besides co-sleeping, since it helps when I don't have to get out of bed) is:
- putting baby to sleep closer to my own bedtime so I can be sleeping too during that longer period of sleep;
-getting rid of the clock! With my first babe I would obsess over what time she woke up and how often and how little sleep I was getting between waking periods. But with this one I keep the room quite dark so I can't tell whether the sun is up or down, and I have no idea how much time I spend awake, which really makes it easier to bear, since in the morning all I know is that I'm tired, not that 'my darn kid kept me awake for 5 hours last night'....

It won't last. I may seem like it does, but it won't.


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## Severine (Nov 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
The thing is, he used to do a nice stretch from 9 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sometimes even 3...I wonder if those days are gone forever (or at least the forseeable future)...







:

Mine was sleeping like that before, too, and he sleeps in our bed. It's very frustrating (in case you couldnt' tell by the fact that I'm up at 3:48AM and have been awake for almost 3 hrs straight now). I need my sleep, especially since I also have a 2 year old who is non-stop during the day and always into trouble.







: No advice, but you're not alone.

ETA: Thanks for the links, rzberrymom. As frustrated as I am right now, it makes sense and helps somewhat. Though if I could get both my kids to take a nap at the same time, that would help better with the sleep deprivation.









ETAA: I wanted to add that side-lying nursing while co-sleeping is great for the many wakings... but that only works if that's what your kiddo wants at the time. Tonight, DS just wanted to be UP. I'm now in the kitchen NAKing (after 3 hrs of everything else that wouldn't make him happy, including 2 other nursings) because I gave up on sleep. Having to stay awake in my own bed was ticking me off.


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## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

I know that many of you have suggested nursing him in our bed--do you use the same breast all night? We have a queen size bed, (no sidecar, rails, etc), so DS is in the middle when we sleep all together. Also, what do you do with your arm? I wind up having one arm over my head and nowhere to put it when we are done nursing. I also feel like I am having to hold my body in a contorted position while balancing on my side...I must be doing something wrong?

If you can share any tricks and tips to make side-nursing work, I would definitely appreciate them, as it sounds like it might be the key to more sleep!


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## Dolphin (Apr 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
I know that many of you have suggested nursing him in our bed--do you use the same breast all night? We have a queen size bed, (no sidecar, rails, etc), so DS is in the middle when we sleep all together. Also, what do you do with your arm? I wind up having one arm over my head and nowhere to put it when we are done nursing. I also feel like I am having to hold my body in a contorted position while balancing on my side...I must be doing something wrong?

If you can share any tricks and tips to make side-nursing work, I would definitely appreciate them, as it sounds like it might be the key to more sleep!

Well I'm a side sleeper normally, so when I nurse ds2 lying down, I just tuck my arm underneath my pillow, with my elbow above ds's head. My other arm usually tucks under ds's cute little bottom.


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## carriereads (Jul 20, 2007)

For the side-lying nurse, I sometimes lay all the way on my side, and sometimes sort of on my side/back with a pillow pushed against my back. My arm goes above DD's head, sometimes straight out, or sometimes bent and tucked under my pillow....so that the top of her head is sort of in or near my armpit. My other arm is usually on her bottom or leg, or I don't know, sometimes on my leg maybe. I switch breasts throughout the night. I used to pick her up onto my chest and we would both roll over to the other side. (I got spit up on a few times doing that!) Now I just sort of crawl over her to the other side and gently push her over to where she needs to be.
I don't have rails either, although we do have an arms reach co-sleeper pushed next to the bed. Her rolling around hasn't been a problem yet. She stays right up next to me.
Hope that helps!!!


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

4 months was a super hard time for me too! i feel for you. my son has had a million different sleep patterns in his 8 mo. life so far...i stay sane by focusing on the fact that none of them are permanent...try and power through, stay positive and get as much help from your partner or other family members as you can. i know how hard it can be. i hope you get some sleep soon!


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
I know that many of you have suggested nursing him in our bed--do you use the same breast all night? We have a queen size bed, (no sidecar, rails, etc), so DS is in the middle when we sleep all together. Also, what do you do with your arm? I wind up having one arm over my head and nowhere to put it when we are done nursing. I also feel like I am having to hold my body in a contorted position while balancing on my side...I must be doing something wrong?

If you can share any tricks and tips to make side-nursing work, I would definitely appreciate them, as it sounds like it might be the key to more sleep!

oh wow...i didn't realize you weren't side nursing! whoa mama, you need to figure out how...it makes ALL the difference







...it was challenging for me at first because my boobs are so huge but now i sleep through his constant, and i mean CONSTANT night nursing.
here is what works for me.
i use a firm pillow and prop it against my son's back, so he is facing me at boob level. if i am laying on my left side, i use my right hand to scoop up my boob and help my son keep it in his mouth. this was uncomfy for a while but now i don't notice. plus as my son gets bigger, he can hold it better. when he wakes again, i switch sides by getting on the other side of the bed...i have a big room so we have both our queen beds (from when we were swinging singles







) pushed together and dp sleeps on one and we sleep on the other. i know that is not an option probably, but it does help...my midwife shared a bed with her partner and son and she switched sides too, she said she would just tap dp on the shoulder and they would get up and switch sides with dc in the middle of the bed...
your dp probably won't like that but it won't kill them.
anyway, it will probably take a bit to figure out what works for you, but sidenursing is the only way i get a good night sleep. good luck!


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## reezley (May 27, 2006)

DS2 sometimes wakes as often as your ds, sometimes sleeps as well as he used to... I chalk it up to teething, and all the new milestones, etc. And we cosleep, so it's not a big deal to roll over and nurse him back to sleep. Anyway, HOW do I do side-lying nursing - A couple extra pillows make it much more comfortable for me. The first few seconds after he's latched I usually scoot the pillows around to where they're comfortable. I put one under my head, but pushed kind of toward my forehead, over where ds's head is, so my head doesn't flop down too much. My bottom arm is up over ds's head, it's under my head pillow but with the wrist/hand on another pillow which is just to the other side of ds (but up next to the wall, not next to his head.) And, very important, is a third pillow shoved behind my bum/back, to keep me from having to use muscles to lie on my side in the right way. I'm using a pregnancy pillow for that, but any pillow will do.

By the way, I have room for all these pillows and all the shifting, because dh and ds1 are in a different bed. I sleep with ds2 on a full size mattress, with a crib mattress pushed up next to it. Usually he's on the full size mattress with me though. And, I do switch breasts, if I remember, and I usually just tilt over a bit more to use the "top" breast.


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## happy2bamama (Apr 29, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *reezley* 
...And, I do switch breasts, if I remember, and I usually just tilt over a bit more to use the "top" breast.

This is what I do too and IMO, it makes life at night so much easier because I never really have to physically "get up." It's really easy to tilt down, like I'm almost laying on my chest or stomach. Granted, this probably only works if your boobs and/or stomach are not really large. I hope the side-lying nursing works for you because it is such a lifesaver! Good luck!


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## Severine (Nov 5, 2005)

Call me lazy but I just use the same breast all night. I make sure to use the other one before bed and when we get up in the morning so I don't end up lopsided.

Then again, here I sit once again with a wide awake 3.5 month old so who am I to say anything? All I know is that if this keeps up and DH tells me again that he can't help because he works, I'm going to freak out. Apparently, my job isn't important enough to warrant sleep.







:


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## GoddessKristie (Oct 31, 2006)

Ooooooh I feel your pain! When DS was 2 months old he was sleeping 8-10 hours a night then right after he turned 4 months he started waking like this. Hopefully you have better luck than us, though because he's now 8 months and just now starting to sleep longer. I tried everything I could think of too and none of it worked. I just had to stick it out.
We co-slept for a long time but at 6 months he wanted to sleep by himself in his crib. When I put him in our bed he screamed at me! So I was up and down all night, but we did nap together during the day.
Did you say you're a SAHM? Can you nap while your babe is napping? That's the only way I've survived.








hang in there!


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## Bellita (Jan 23, 2007)

The last couple nights we've started DS out in his crib, and then once he wakes up to nurse I've co-slept with him in one bed the rest of the night, while DH sleeps in the other. (We have two queen beds.) It's been A LOT better than getting up from our room to go into the nursery to nurse him in the rocking chair, although he's still waking frequently. His wiggling and squirming is also taking a little getting used to!

One of the posters upthread mentioned getting rid of the clock by the bed, which I've done.Not obsessing over how long DS is sleeping between wakings is a good thing!!! I think we'll keep co-sleeping for the time being and see how it goes.

I am a stay at home mom, so luckily I do have naptimes. However, I usually use them to do chores!


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## gwynthfair (Mar 17, 2006)

My situation is a little different, as my DP has started sleeping on the couch.







But we have a co-sleeper on one side of the bed and I put pillows on the other side of the bed, so I can easily just move myself or move DD to different sides, if need be. I usually only do one side though, per night. Co-sleeping just gets more and more comfortable over time. I remember the time when we were in the position you're talking about and everything ached. Now we both toss and turn and I've gotten to the point where I am comfortable sleeping with my back to her at times. I wake up usually right before she wakes up, so it works for us (for now). Of course eventually I'd like to integrate daddy back into the situation, but I say if I do all the nightime parenting, I get to make the rules and the rule is that I'm not getting out of bed to feed the baby.







Hey, he gets to sleep through the night, right?


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## TheAJs (Jun 29, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *reezley* 
And, I do switch breasts, if I remember, and I usually just tilt over a bit more to use the "top" breast.

Me too! I just lay a little more on my stomach.

I was totally rolling us both over to switch every time until I read something here about NOT doing that.

I call it "the crossover".







I like it especially when DD is flailing because I can put a little bit of my weight on her legs. It sometimes stops her from kicking around and seems to settle her in.


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## amyleigh33 (Nov 2, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
The thing is, he used to do a nice stretch from 9 p.m. to 2:30 a.m., sometimes even 3...I wonder if those days are gone forever (or at least the forseeable future)...







:

my almost 4 m/o dd was the same and is the same now







: so i'm just commisserating on that. i saw in a later post that you are trying out co-sleeping and way-to-go on that. i think that's the only way that i am still alive. i also had a killer cold this past week that took longer to kick than they normally do, because i still am getting my sleep interrupted, but not nearly as badly if i wasn't side lying nursing all night. basically i sleep on my right side, with my arm up under my pillow and my dd with her head at the height of my right breast... when she starts thrashing, i latch her and try to go back to sleep. over and over all night. sometimes she wants to play so i just keep trying to latch her. if it doesn't work, i let her play for a bit to tire herself out while i lay there, trying to sleep... finally she gets tired and starts whimpering and will usually nurse back to sleep. around 6 or 7 am I switch to laying on the side that i don't usually sleep in and nurse her on that side for every 20-30 min waking thereafter until about 9 or 10 when i drag myself out of bed, still pretty exhausted but better off than i would be if i sat up to nurse her each time...









Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
I know that many of you have suggested nursing him in our bed--do you use the same breast all night? We have a queen size bed, (no sidecar, rails, etc), so DS is in the middle when we sleep all together. Also, what do you do with your arm? I wind up having one arm over my head and nowhere to put it when we are done nursing. I also feel like I am having to hold my body in a contorted position while balancing on my side...I must be doing something wrong?

If you can share any tricks and tips to make side-nursing work, I would definitely appreciate them, as it sounds like it might be the key to more sleep!


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Bellita* 
The last couple nights we've started DS out in his crib, and then once he wakes up to nurse I've co-slept with him in one bed the rest of the night, while DH sleeps in the other. (We have two queen beds.) It's been A LOT better than getting up from our room to go into the nursery to nurse him in the rocking chair, although he's still waking frequently. His wiggling and squirming is also taking a little getting used to!

One of the posters upthread mentioned getting rid of the clock by the bed, which I've done.Not obsessing over how long DS is sleeping between wakings is a good thing!!! I think we'll keep co-sleeping for the time being and see how it goes.

I am a stay at home mom, so luckily I do have naptimes. However, I usually use them to do chores!

That's great! I remember getting up to nurse my ds1 in the middle of the night and sitting in a chair because he was so small and sidelying just didn't work well...I was exhausted! And it took awhile to fall back to sleep after physically getting up and being up with him for awhile. Cosleeping makes a HUGE difference.

I think the more you do it, the easier it will be and you will get more sleep. But definitely use the naps during the day to sleep yourself. Your baby might sleep longer during naps if you are cosleeping, too. Chores can wait. Your health is the most important. I never napped with my first...I wanted that time to myself, but I see now that if I had slept I would have been much more rested.

It will get easier...you're doing a great job!


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## ginnyjuice (Nov 9, 2006)

My 4 month old has been sleeping okay, but now he has decided to go from a 9 pm bedtime to more like a 7-7:30 bedtime. This means he wakes up at 4 and is ready to party.

I would really like for him to go back to a 6-7 am waking time.

For now, though, I just sleep in the bed with him. Our primary bed is too small for all of us to sleep together, so he starts out in a crib, but I also have a full-size bed in his room, so we move to that. The layout of our tiny house means that his crib in his room is about 3 feet from our primary bed, so he's pretty much in our room. I can hear his every snort sniffle and kick without a monitor.

He nurses while I snooze and eventually he goes back down to sleep for another 2 or so hours. It usually takes about an hour to wind him back down, though!

He has always slept for long stretches at night despite my best efforts to get him to wake a few times. Actually--I prefer him to wake a few times to nurse and he just won't. It's nice and easy to nurse him for 15-20 minutes and go back to sleep. It's not easy to have a totally awake baby at 4 am! It's too early to wake up, but it almost feels like it's not worth going back to sleep, if that makes any sense.


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