# 9 year old with attitude issues



## coyotemist (Aug 23, 2007)

Hubby and I are at a loss. My 9 year old has become rude, inconsiderate, screechy, and bossy. She went from this darling girl who was respectful and kind, to this new girl I just don't know!

She's hitting puberty...is 9.5 the new 13?

I do NOT want to take away her newfound power, but at the same time she is getting on all of our nerves, and my son is constantly upset about how his sister treats him. Any suggestions?

x-posted in discipline


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## kewb (May 13, 2005)

I don't have any advice as I struggle with this same issue with my 10 year old son. I don't know where my sweet, respectful boy went. I think it has something to do with the age, pushing the envelope, and all.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

Know you're not alone! My 9 yo DD is like that too. I have heard it said a lot that 9 is the new 13. I do make it clear to her how I expect her to speak to anyone, including me.


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## moocowma (May 4, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kewb* 
I don't have any advice as I struggle with this same issue with my 10 year old son. I don't know where my sweet, respectful boy went. I think it has something to do with the age, pushing the envelope, and all.


Us too.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

It can be so hard. It sounds like she's heading into _"hormonal rollercoaster"_ territory. I remember it well both personally and with my own Dd who is now 14, and evening out a little bit.









Hang in there!

What are any specific situations if you feel like going into it?


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## IfMamaAintHappy (Apr 15, 2002)

i hear you. my 8 1/2 yr old has oily hair, body odor requiring bathing daily or every other day, and some under arm and pubic hair and small breast buds! We dont eat soy, we have used organic milk and other dairy, and shes never been a real meat eater.. so her early puberty is attributed to genes (MIL started period at 10!) and environment. I have NO idea what to do. We need to commiserate! I dont know any other mamas in real life who have early bloomers, and Im so glad to see this thread!


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## coyotemist (Aug 23, 2007)

DD will be 10 in the begining of July...so really we are closer to 10, which the doc says is "normal".

She too, has breast buds, and hips, I haven't noticed any pubic hair, yet, though.

Specific situations...well considering that most things coming out of her mouth right now are demanding and screechy...ugh I wish it was a few situations I could pinpoint!

Some of it started when we told them about the baby coming. Some of it is because my school schedule has been more intense this term. This morning it was the intense scrutiny of her clothes, whether or not the neon green skirt went with the grey shirt, and why can't I wear those short shorts to school, and no, I DO NOT want to put my shoes on to go out to the bus, and why does brother get to stay home from school? (he's sick). Ugh!

I love the girl, and I know somewhere under this rough exterior she's still there. Guess I just have to wait. But I'm glad I'm not the only parent dealing with this. It makes me think we probably haven't done anything wrong, its likely just a normal developmental stage!


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## mtiger (Sep 10, 2006)

I just told mine that they could lose the attitude if there was anything they had to say to me or wanted from me.


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## quest4quiet (Feb 27, 2004)

We're dealing with the same thing with 9.5 yo dd. It's maddening. If I see eyes rolling and hear that exasperated sound she makes one more time....







:


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## papayapetunia (Feb 6, 2006)

We're dealing with the same thing with my 9yo dd. (Not so much the physical, but the hormonal attitude.) It's so frustrating. I noticed that she does a lot better when she gets plenty of sleep and is fed every couple of hours. I guess it keeps the hormones happy. I also noticed that it gets better when I go out of my way to be with her, and if I make the being with her not have to do with spending money, so that the concentration is really on being together. Not sure if that will make sense.







I have to keep reminding myself that the goal is to maintain a close relationship.


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## mamabeca (Oct 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *quest4quiet* 
If I see eyes rolling and hear that exasperated sound she makes one more time....







:

Oh SO there!! It's making me kinda crazy. I find myself asking her if she's ok. A lot! She keeps saying yeah, but I find she is tired much more often, and that she's hungry more often too, though she eats only a little at a time. I'm making HUGE lunches for her, and 4 days out of 5 they're gone. Once in a while, about once a week, she's SO busy she doesn't have time even to eat lunch. ITA that sleep and food seem to be attitude triggers. She's much easier to deal with well slept and well fed than any other time. Frequent eating is a-ok with me!









All in all I love this age - she's really able to help out (when willing) and can do so much more for herself, that I am loving having her help in the kitchen with cooking, and taking care of herself more. We still have a long way to go with some stuff, and tbh some of her inability to learn stuff like the x's tables I attribute to her fast growth in other areas! So...well, my commiseration at the eye rolling, fairness police, etc., but it's really going to be ok!


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

What I'm noticing is that my child is eating a lot, seriously, a lot. Man sized portions. Constantly hungry and snacking, and into sugar these days. I am really trying not to make a huge issue of it, and offer healthy choices. Definite physical changes-almost tweeny-like. Huge desire for both respect and independence, but frankly, there are days when I feel like emotionally I have a 3 y/o on my hands! I have to remind myself that kids this age might ask for a lot of freedom, but at least in our child's instance we need to take it slowly. The upside is a beautiful delightful girl, who is becoming flat-out funnny, and loves us immensely. We're just in awe of the changes and trying to keep up.


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## Alkenny (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UnschoolnMa* 
It can be so hard. It sounds like she's heading into _"hormonal rollercoaster"_ territory. I remember it well both personally and with my own Dd who is now 14, and evening out a little bit.

















: We're right there too with my DD...besides her PMS'y days (and yeah, you can tell when it's time!) she's evened out pretty good. My DS has headed into that territory now, though it's a different ball of yarn with him. Not so much the screaming and crying and disrespect but the arguing and always having to be right and not owning up to anything.


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## jkirsh64 (Apr 13, 2008)

I am right there with you. My 9 year old dd actually told me today that she was acting funky because of her "hormones". Apparently, she has overheard the conversations I have been having with my 13 year old dd. While the hormones may be real or imagined, she is pretty funny. We were at the drugstore today and she asked if I would buy her mascara. I told her no and explained that she was too young. We continued the conversation as we walked through the store. She finally said ok about the mascara and then said "Can I buy a pregnancy test?" We happened to be walking down the aisle with the tests so I know that is where it came from but WTH? How does she come up with this?


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## Viewfinder (Sep 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jkirsh64* 
We continued the conversation as we walked through the store. She finally said ok about the mascara and then said "Can I buy a pregnancy test?"

That's so funny.

My nine yo is very emotional nowadays, the tears flow... always about not getting her way, or not getting the enormous amount of attention she wants. She just wants to talk, talk, talk, and when she's not talking, she's singing, and it's great except when my head is exploding. AND she won't clean her room. Some womanly development has begun, and along with it, an intense fury over issues of her privacy, so I'm not saying even on here what's sprouting.

But I will say that while my dd has become a bit of a pain sometimes, I have become a bit of my mother during those times. I can tell, because I hear her words coming out of my mouth, words, I HATED her for.

VF


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## co op mama (Feb 22, 2008)

Yes to all of your posts! My dd will be 11 in August and we are right in the midst of it. She has total attitude and it's really hard to deal with. I let her hang out with her friend tonight and when she got back she kicked her sister because she had told her I didn't buy her some pencils she wanted







. I didn't buy them because I couldn't remember the ones she wanted. She kicked her sister because according to her she should have remembered! Unbelievable. i'm really worn out and tired of it. Just go through puberty already and give us a break. lol


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## IfMamaAintHappy (Apr 15, 2002)

In light of this thread and others like it I found, I just started an "early bloomers" tribe and wanted to invite you to it!

Moms of Early Bloomers Tribe


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## muldey (May 8, 2002)

You all have just described my dd!Yesterday was horrible.She was playing a video game,screaming at it,at me,at her brother,her cousin,even the cats.I told her no more and shut it off,and you would think I was trying to kill her.I thought someone was going to call the police,she went on for about an hour.She came in the living room where ds and dn were playing happily with a train set,and kicked ds for no reason other than he was in her way.He called her a b****!I was shocked,told him that's not a nice word,but had to turn around and laugh because she was just being so mean to everyone,and acting like one.I keep telling her to just start her period already,because I know it's coming.I started right before my 10th bday.She has breast buds,body odor,her voice is changing a little bit,and she's just filling out and looking and acting more like a teen everyday.She won't even touch toys(well except for her high school musical dolls),just plays on the computer,listens to music,or watches movies.I haven't noticed armpit or pubic hair yet.She's growing up too fast.

I do notice when I spend more time with her,she has less of an attitude.I know it's hard for her,having a special needs brother,school,dealing with her body changes,her father's issues,on top of everyday life.I'm trying to plan special time for us.I can't wait until this evens out.I miss my happy little girl,but I know she's still in there somewhere.I do love her developing personality,she's funny,smart,and just a great kid when she's not screeching and hurting her brother.


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## spruce (Dec 11, 2004)

9 was a VERY hard age for all 3 of our older kids. Just remember it will pass, and the ONE thing she most needs from you is unfailing love.

That doesn't mean you won't criticise her actions, words, etc., just that you will follow up the criticism with loving, supportive words. ("I am sure this is so hard on you..." is a favorite for my girls to hear).

love, p


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## karne (Jul 6, 2005)

I'm chiming in again because so much of what has been written resonates with me. It seems like nine is a "change" year somehow. I really notice this very determined independence, and yes, attitude, and then a real need to reconnect and be close. It's mind boggling to keep up with. I try to remember to be calm, and be there to reconnect, but sometimes I'm just reeling, and I feel like suddenly I don't know what I'm doing. This is really disconcerting after a decade of parenting!


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## gardenmommy (Nov 23, 2001)

wow, do these changes apply to boys, too? I am seeing lots of attitude with my almost 10 y.o. boy. I keep thinking he must be starting to experience hormonal changes, but then I think, "no way, he's too young!".


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## mlsantarem (May 4, 2004)

Just providing support. I am stuggling, though recently less so, with this my dd is 10 now. It was really hard a year ago. We are all still working on certain issues. you can see my other post. I received a lot of great advised related to specific issues.
Someone sent me this I enjoyed alot.

http://waldorf2.intercast-media.com/..._old.html#more

Good luck
mlsantarem


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IfMamaAintHappy* 
i hear you. my 8 1/2 yr old has oily hair, body odor requiring bathing daily or every other day, and some under arm and pubic hair and small breast buds! We dont eat soy, we have used organic milk and other dairy, and shes never been a real meat eater.. so her early puberty is attributed to genes (MIL started period at 10!) and environment. I have NO idea what to do. We need to commiserate! I dont know any other mamas in real life who have early bloomers, and Im so glad to see this thread!

I went through this with my teenage son. He is now 13 and has a much better attitude. But in our situation I think bringing him home to H/S him has helped a lot with his attitude. He still doesn't like taking showers and has to be reminded just about every time but he's gradually getting better as he gets older. I do remember when he was around 9-10 years old how grouchy he would get so it doesn't happen with just the girls. He was also overstressed in school at that time and it only continued to get worse for him until we removed him, so I'm sure that it was a combination of things with our son as far as his bad attitude.


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