# death of baby in labor



## cmiller97211 (Jun 18, 2008)

I'm not sure how to do this. I've never posted anything before. Our baby girl died two weeks ago after an intense day and 1/2 of labor. Her heartbeat was healthy and strong...then gone the next hour. I was rushed to hospital and delivered her the next morning. This grief is intense. I don't know how we move on from here. Thankfully we have support of amazing friends and family. But it does feel impossible to move forward. I know we are not alone in this but as everyone else moves on with their babies, it feels so isolating.


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## fresh_water (Feb 29, 2008)

I'm so sorry.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

:


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so sorry...







:

We lost our son seconds before his head was delivered after a day and a half of labor. It sucks.







Be gentle on yourself....








:


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## ladybug732 (Apr 29, 2008)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I understand the loneliness and the isolation. It is hard because so many people don't know what to say. But please give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace. Don't feel like you to have "move on" on anyone's else timetable, and ignore anyone who tells you to "get over it". You will always love your daughter and always miss her, but it will get easier over time.

I just lifted you up in prayer and will be thinking of you. Please continue to post and share as much as you need.

Missing our daughters,
Kathleen


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so sorry for your loss of your daughter.
I'm glad you have good support.
Your loss is so, so new . . . feeling isolated is very normal.
So is feeling numb, angry, guilty, hopeless, despairing . . . .
grief is a long, complicated and difficult journey, a little
different for everyone, but the Moms here know what you
are going through.
May you find comfort and peace.

Em


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so so very sorry mama









What did you name her?


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## Samaria86 (Jan 17, 2008)

First a big big big *HUG* and I want to say I am so very sorry for your lost. I lost my little girl in March. I can tell you the first month or so its SOO HARD and though it's not even 3 months for me. I am better. So in time things will become better. I hate to say better there really is never a better. More of a way of tolerating things and learning to live with it. But I just want to let you know if you need to talk you can message me I'm here whenever you're ready.


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## ladybug13 (Oct 29, 2005)

I too am so very sorry for your loss. 5 years ago, my daughter died due to complications during her full term birth. We had her on life support for 2 days before making the difficult decision.

Words cannot convey the path of grief. It is unique and undirected for each person. I remember someone telling me shortly after my daughter's death that time would make it easier to live with. I scoffed at the notion - there was no way any amount of time would ever make it easy to live with. Now, here I am over 5 years later. Life is good. I miss her like crazy every day but I do not have that overwhelming, all-consuming grief. For me, it took about a year (and getting through the first milesones - first Christmas, first birthday, etc.) to get through the hardest part and to start looking forward in life rather than backwards (i.e. towards the time in which Madison was here).

The best pieces of advice I can give you are this:

* grieve how you feel comfortable. this is your loss - not anyone else's.
* allow yourself the possibility of feeling happy. do not feel guilty for those happy moments. your child wants you to be happy.
* anticipate that it is going to be a rollercoaster ride. it is not a consistent, steady climb out.
* seek support and comraderie. the most effective healing tools are the sharing and supporting between fellow bereaved parents.

Here are some of the online communities that helped me:

The MISS Foundation
SHARE

Wishing you gentle days ahead.....


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

This is a good place to be. I think I lived here for months without visiting any other area of mdc. Lots of really nice women who understand exactly what you are going through (which is what I needed right after, not to feel so alone).

I'm so sorry.


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## avivaelona (Jun 24, 2005)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time, when its time to start moving forward again you will, don't try to force yourself before you are ready.


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## Tellera (Oct 28, 2005)




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## leogirl79 (May 9, 2008)

I am so sorry

Grief is messy, unpredictable, and there is no timetable.

the only way to get through it is to honor the process. Don't try to rush it. Time does help, you never get over it but you will get through it.

Nothing will take it away, the raw pain, right now. Someday the sun will shine again though...


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

s I am sorry this has happened to you.


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## Cuddlebaby (Jan 14, 2003)

it's been the toughest two weeks of your life. I can imagine that lots of the local support is dwindling. and now the hurt really starts to set in.

been there, still there come to think about it.

hang around here. we've all been there. it's SUCH a not easy place to be.

huge huge hugs,
Rebecca


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## Mamax3 (Nov 21, 2001)

I am so sorry that you lost your little girl. I am thinking of you and her. Please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to cry, grieve, be angry and know that in time the pain does become a little bit more tolerable.


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## cmiller97211 (Jun 18, 2008)

We named her Olivia Jewel. We had planned a home birth and had not returned home until yesterday. It was/is much harder than we anticipated. The desire to have her home with us is overwhelming. I'm angry. My faith has been tested for certain. My husband returns to work next week, the reality that I was supposed to be home raising her is intense.
Someone (not very close to me) actually asked if we were returning to normal. I wanted to scream a heart wrenching scream at that question.

thank you to all who responded with kindness.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

I'm so sorry. You will find lots of support here


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## Justmee (Jun 6, 2005)

I'm so sorry


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## FelixMom (Aug 28, 2006)

No words, just
















Be gentle with yourself on this journey through grief and healing your loss...


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## Kelly Jene (Jun 8, 2008)

:
Praying that God would comfort your heart. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## DreamWeaver (May 28, 2002)

I am so sorry for your monumental loss.









Somehow we will move on... it is very hard... but you sound like you have a wonderful support system in place.

Wishing you strength and healing...


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

What a beautiful name.

My baby died in labor in April. His heartbeat was strong and then it was gone. It is painful beyond words. Have you found out anything about why she died?


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## Jaysfamily (Jun 5, 2008)

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl.


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## theretohere (Nov 4, 2005)

s


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## Plady (Nov 20, 2001)

Olivia Jewel
I am so sorry for your loss and the hell that you are going through now. I know you feel alone in your experience but it is a huge sisterhood you are now a part of and every one of us is able and willing to help however we can. Just reach out and we're all here.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Oh, I am so very sorry. You and your sweet baby will be in my prayers. Many, many







to you.


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## MoonWillow (May 24, 2006)

Oh I am SO deeply sorry for your loss







. Welcome to MDC. I wish that it was a different occasion which brought you here but its a good place to be, one where you will find a lot of support.







Olivia Jewel


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## karmamama (Mar 5, 2008)

Hello,

I lost a baby girl in labor last September.

It is a shocking and deeply deeply painful experience. I am sorry that you are going through this, too.

First I want to say that whatever you believe will help you heal do it. Ask for whatever you need and take advantage of all the sympathy and help you can get now. If there are any groups that you could attend and you feel comfortable trying one, I would advise this. When you are ready.

If it appeals to you to have a memorial for your Olivia, I STRONGLY advise this. We didn't do this, but now I regret it and I am thinking of having one on her birth/death day this year. The strange thing about losing a baby in labor is that we, the mothers, are the only ones who ever really knew these children. So, it gets surreal... for us and others these children become dreamlike, not so real. A memorial marks her short life, making it more real.

Second, I want to warn you that people are so uncomfortable with dying in general and especially a baby's death that they do and say stupid, hurtful things. They probably don't mean to, but they do. Surround yourself with people who will ask what you need and aren't afraid to just be with you while you process your grief.

I believe that these special children, for whatever reason, came for a short time because of some choice that they made along the way. I know why my girl came to me because we had some communication a couple of days before she died. Most of the times it doesn't really help alleviate the suffering that I feel because I want her here with me but sometimes it does. I think it's something that I will grow into: acceptance that her short life was her choice.

Whatever your beliefs are or become hold onto them with all of your heart and don't let anybody else interfere with them.

The intensity of the loss does get better, I promise. But the loss is something that each of us has to incorporate into our lives in our own way in our own time.

So many feelings will come up, let them. More than ever, you need to take good care of yourself so that you can be present with your grief.

I wish you the best and send you my love and empathy for this difficult, difficult journey of ours.


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## peacelovingmama (Apr 28, 2006)

Olivia Jewel.

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our DD at 14.5 weeks gestation and it has been a long road to healing (we are still on it). Losing a baby during delivery... my heart aches for you.


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## jessicasocean (Mar 21, 2008)

I am so sorry about your sweet little angel. It is by far the worst thing that I have ever had to endure. It has been 5 months for me, and I think about my son every minute. I hope that you keep posting. This board is the only place I feel understood. BIG BIG hugs to you, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.


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## mamamelia (Apr 14, 2005)

a







for precious olivia jewel


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## cmiller97211 (Jun 18, 2008)

Thank you all for the encouraging words and for sharing your stories. I've been away for awhile. Reading too many stories of similar situations was starting to affect me. Next week I'm meeting with two women who this happened to within three months. Both quite similar situations. It feels surreal but I know will be helpful
We did have a service for Olivia. Our community here in Portland was amazing. The service was beautiful. My heart aches today. My husband is back at work..this is when Olivia and I would be starting our own schedule. Meeting with my girlfriends and their babies. Instead, I'm home alone. I'm meeting up with my girlfriends and their babies and we're crying. I'm angry, I'm heart broken. I want my little Olivia home with us.


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## heatherh (Jun 25, 2005)

My heart aches for you, mama. I'm so glad you have support around you right now.


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## mytwogirls (Jan 3, 2008)

What a beautiful name for a beautiful princess! Mama I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace.


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## hojobj (Oct 28, 2005)

Lots of hugs to you!

The first few months are very hard! Somehow it will get better to deal with, but right now, just let yourself grieve. You lost a child and that is very isolating and painful.


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## JenMidwife (Oct 4, 2005)

I'm so heartbroken for you mama









So much of what you've said is so familiar... I'm so sorry you're here


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## gratefulbambina (Mar 20, 2005)

I'm so sorry, I have been away for a bit or I would have written sooner. My son had died a couple days before I went into labor however I was unaware of this and didn't find out until moments before his birth. I was also planning a homebirth until the midwife did not hear his heartbeat.

I found so much support from my friends and have gained a few friends because of this from women that went through the same pain. Its comforting to be around people that understand everything your going through. I'm sorry mama for the loss of your Olivia and the pain your feeling.


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## AlwaysAutumn (Jun 28, 2008)

I am so sorry for you loss. There is nothing comforting I know to say but I am so sorry you are having to go through this.


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## Funny Face (Dec 7, 2006)

My heart breaks for you. There are no words. I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## Mama_Michelle (Mar 15, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## berkeleyp (Apr 22, 2004)

Welcome to this sad sisterhood mama. I'm glad you've found this board. It was my lifeline when I lost my first daughter 4 years ago. She too died in the last minutes before she was delivered after a long and trying labor. We will never know what happened but suspect a chord accident. She was seemingly a healthy baby but she never took a breath.

Did you have an autopsy?
Were you home or at the hospital for the delivery? My dd died during a homebirth which of course made most people blame it on that.
I'm glad that you are going to meet with some mamas in your area who had a similar experience. I was blessed to be contacted by two women in my area who had similar losses within weeks of my loss and they continue to be among my best friends. We gather several times a year to honor our lost babies along with some other women who have joined us. If you lived in CT, I would invite you to our next gathering







.

Peace to you and your family.


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## mommyofannaisaac (Jun 6, 2006)

I am so so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean about the being home w/o the baby. That was the worst for me. I hated it. I lost my baby boy because a doctor goofed up during the delivery. He lived for 5 hrs. I had some complications so I stayed in the hospital for a couple extra day. When I did get home it was so hard. I would sit in Isaac's room and cry and cry. Sometimes, I would even look throught his clothes and wonder what I would have let him wear that day. It was horrible. I would tell you that as time goes by the pain goes away, but it doesn't- It does get easier to deal with, but never does it lessen or go away. God was my refuge!! Without him I don't know what I would have done. My father in law wrote a song called "God needed one more star" that we had sang at the funeral. In the song it says "He looked down to earth as she gave birth a little light had caught his eye. He said I need someone to replace the sun when it has left the sky. So he called on this lad but he told mom and dad. you can visit him everynight. Just lift up your eyes and look to the sky. There's a brand new star that shines."


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## baileyandmikey (Jan 4, 2005)

(((HUGS)))) I am so sorry for your loss.


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## 2 in August (Jan 6, 2006)

Wishing you peace. I'm so sorry about your loss.


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## CompostMom (Jun 9, 2008)

There are no words of comfort that work right now. My baby daughter Lainey Shea was born 3 yrs ago. We were on vacation on spring break she was 24 weeks and it was a nightmare. They wouldn't do anything for her but offer hospice care b/c they said she was too little. Now I am reading that little ones her gestation age are surviving-it just depends on the politics of the hospital and the Dr. We of course were in a strange hospital with Dr.s we did not know due to the emergency situation. I was not stable enough to move to our hospital at home. In my life I guess I consider this a trauma loss. We were all so devasted. My husband and I,my children and all my family. We still treat Lainey as a part of our family. She will never be forgotten. I think sharing helps at times with others who have had a loss. Sometimes nothing helps but that is OK. I get mad at times. Especially when I see someone who could care less if they are pregnant and less than estatic if they give birth at all. I just want to shake them and let them know how lucky they are. Sometimes I want a baby; need one to hold but most of the time I feel very strongly about not having one b/c I'll never be able to replace her. Don't really want to even. She was to be the last one for us. I think that's the way it was meant to be. So for us we are leaving well enough alone. Besides the fact that she'll always be with us, we just don't get to raise her like our others. Please know that there are people who can just listen if that's what you need. Sometimes you have had all the advice you can take. I'll be here to listen if you need me.


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## tree-hugger (Jul 18, 2007)

what a beautiful name. I'm so sorry for your loss


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## time machine (Jun 11, 2008)

I am so sorry about your daughter loss.


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## heatherweh (Nov 29, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss.









Loss is what brought me to this board as well back in November. It is all so unfair and it sucks so horribly bad.

People said the wrong things to me too but the worst was people who didn't say anything at all. I learned from that experience that the best thing is to acknowledge other people's grief rather than not say anything for fear of it being the wrong thing, but that was just my experience with it.

Lots of long, very hot baths every day and lots of sleep and learning as much as I could through here and books helped me get through it. Again I am so sorry.


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## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)




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## hibana (Jun 9, 2006)




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