# Do you blame yourself?



## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

I blame myself for my miscarriage. I know I shouldn't, but I still do. I was 14 when I got pregnant. I was in a very horrible place in my life that hurts me to think about. When I found out I was pregnant I was determined not to be. I tried overdosing on different medications, I drank bleach, I drank some other cleaners, and as a last resort I didn't eat for almost a week (which wasn't that long of a time considering I was anorexic at the time). I believe that I caused my baby to die. It hurts me now so much to think I did something like that.







My poor angel never even had a chance because of me. Hardly anyone even knows he ever was mine.
Am I the only one that feels this way still (after years have passed?)?


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Oh mama...


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## stayathomecristi (Jul 7, 2004)

I do sometimes blame myself, now that you mention it. I didn't know I was pregnant and while on vacation I drank a bit. Normally I have about 2 glasses of wine in the course of a year, but hey, we were on vacation--a free one at that. I also spent a huge amount of time in the hot tub that was in our room--soooo relaxing. I remember taking some anaprox for a bad headache as well during that time. In my case, I had no idea that I even could be pregnant. The docs all told me that we couldn't have any more children and I had gone 18 mos without a cycle. Had I known, I wouldn't have done any of those things.

I read somewhere that feeling guilty is very normal after a loss, but I'm not sure really how to deal with it. There are other mamas here who I'm sure can help if you want to work on that part of your loss.

You were very young to have to deal with pregnancy and it sounds like you had a lot of other stuff going on along with it. Who knows how any of us would react in your situation? I know that if I was 14 and found myself pregnant that I would wish that I wasn't also. I hope that you can find healing from this.


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## QueenOfTheMeadow (Mar 25, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss. You were only 14, a baby yourself. You must have felt so scared and alone







. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. But you are not alone now. I go over in my head constantly wondering why I miscarried. Maybe it was something I ate, or even thought? I know logically that it wasn't, but the part of me that is free of logic has gone over what I did the week before we lost our baby a 1000 times in the last 6 weeks. I spoke to my MIL not 3 hour s ago about the miscarriage she experience over 40 years ago. She talked about the guilt she felt and how she wondered what she did to cause it. This is over 40 years ago! She mentioned how the baby would have been 11 months younger than her third child. She went on to have 5 more children, but still thinks of the one she lost. I think this is very normal, it sucks, but normal. I hope that sharing this with us will help to bring you some peace. You and your angel will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## warriorprincess (Nov 19, 2001)

I feel gulity too, for two of my three losses. I had a miscarriage at 19, and was anorexic at the time. I feel that caused it.

I also feel gulity about my son's stillbirth. Even though I had MW and OB tell me there was nothing I could have done differently, I still feel the guilt.


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

My son was stillborn at 32 weeks. We found out on a Friday, and weren't able to determine when he died- most likely on Monday or Tuesday. On Monday, I'd cancelled a midwife appointment to go to a fun park where I went on rides, including a couple that you're not supposed to go on when pregnant-

I also was so busy that week I wasn't sure when I stopped feeling kicks.

I'll always wonder. Would the midwife have caught a problem on time? If i'd been doing kick counts, would I have gotten help in time? Did the log flume kill him?


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## wheezie (Sep 18, 2004)

to all the mamas who feel guilty.







Please know that it wasn't your fault.


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## sarah9774 (Feb 19, 2005)

I feel guilty all of the time.. if I had only known that I had this clotting d/o my son may have been here today.. it truly sucks!!!


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## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

I still feel guilty sometimes. It has been over a year since my daughter was still born but I still sometimes relive the last few days of her life and try to think of the things I could have done differently. My midwife has told me I don't know how many times that it wasn't my fault. I know she is right, but sometimes I just don't believe her.


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## starbaby69 (May 12, 2005)

I am sorry for your loss and the pain that you are going through. I lost my daughter 2.5 months ago at 41 weeks becuase she had a heart defect, and I feel guilty. I think I always will. When she was conceived I didn't know I was pregnant. I felt the usual AF cramping that month, so I took a pg test. Negative. A few days later I took another one. Negative. So I went out to the bars with my friends that weekend trying to have some fun. That Monday, **** no AF so I did yet_another_ pg test and this time it was positive. My doctors, geneticists, and social worker say that it was not my fault. The social worker said that if it was, the doctors would let me know. I can't believe it though and it is something I am going to struggle with the rest of my life


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## tyedyedeyes (Apr 5, 2005)

first







. I had a miscarriage when I was 18. I did not know I was pregnant. I firmly believe that my drug use at that time caused it. Sometimes I think about what might have been. It must have been terrifying to be only 14 and pregnant. I cannot imagine what must have been going on in your head or heart, being that young. I know what it's like to look back and say, "if only...". You are not alone. You are loved, and supported. Just wanted to send out some love and good vibes for you.


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