# So here I am...



## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

I just found out today that I lost my baby.

I'm having a hard time with this.

Particularly, it is difficult knowing that my baby had a heartbeat, and it stopped. And it is hard to look at the US pics I asked for, and see the shape of the baby's head, and the baby's arms, and the curve of its spine.

Everything hurts right now. Physically, emotionally...

I need to decide between a D&C, and going naturally. This is a decision I had hoped to never have to make again.

My husband is falling apart. I can't talk to him, because one of us, or both of us, ends up sobbing.


----------



## normajean (Oct 21, 2003)

I am so very sorry for your loss, and sorry you are having to experience this again.

*hugs*


----------



## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry.







Crying together as a family is not a bad thing, being there for each other, even while sobbing, is a good thing. It's hard but try to stay strong.


----------



## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

I'm so very sorry.

Wishing you as much peace as possible.

-Angela


----------



## zoie2013 (Mar 31, 2007)

I'm sorry for your loss


----------



## chel (Jul 24, 2004)




----------



## Sunshine4004 (Nov 17, 2006)

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.


----------



## kristenok18 (Jun 26, 2006)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

i'm very sorry for the loss of your precious baby.


----------



## Mom4tot (Apr 18, 2003)

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for your dh too. It takes a long time to heal from this and it never goes away.

When do you have to decide by?


----------



## ~Katrinka~ (Feb 4, 2007)

I'm very sorry for your terrible loss. I was going to say just what Amy did; crying together is not a bad thing, and the talking together will help you both heal. I know it hurts, and I know sometimes you just get tired of crying and want to do something else for a while.


----------



## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

Thank you everyone for your support.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Mom4tot* 
When do you have to decide by?

My body decided for me. I passed the baby/sac, and the placenta this morning, one after the other. I am grateful that everything was intact, so we can at least bury the remains.

The kids and I also decided on a name last night.

The hardest part right now is that my DH is away on business, and can't come back yet.

I'm trying to cope with my feelings of guilt...all of the "what ifs..." that seem to come with a loss, and so is my DH. I have a friend coming over in a little bit to sit with me, and then I think I need a nap. I've called a couple of my DH's friends, so that maybe they can help him through this.

He and I need to talk about where we go from here. Will we try again, or not? It's a conversation I think we need to have sooner rather than later, because last time I miscarried, we were emotionally wrought, and I got pregnant again right away. I don't think I want to rush the decision to try again, or not try again- last night, he was talking about getting a vasectomy. Plus, there's the whole him seeing me again- not pregnant, when I was when he left, that we need to get through, and him seeing the remains, and us dealing with them.

I'm so very tired.


----------



## Thompson'sMommy (Jul 15, 2006)

I feel so bad for your family.







s: Mamma!


----------



## mommyof3andcountin (Mar 11, 2004)

Hugs.


----------



## jeffsdear (Aug 21, 2007)

Breathless Wonder;9516671He and I need to talk about where we go from here. Will we try again said:


> Dear BreathlessWonder,
> I'm so sorry! This is such a hard place to be at. I know we have been struggling through that very thing... I hope that you can take some time though, no matter what decision you make, so you regret it later....
> {{{HUGS}}}


----------



## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

Thank you all for being here for me. It just sucks. Loss sucks. And I'm sorry that so many of you have BTDT, and can empathize.

And I got a suprise this afternoon- I passed a second, empty sac. It happened right before my friend got here, and now she has gone, and it's quiet, for the moment, and I'm trying to deal with this. I know that I am probably going to lose it tonight, because right now I'm so numb...just trying to get through the day, deal with the kids.


----------



## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

mama. I am sorry for your loss


----------



## akwifeandmomma (Aug 13, 2005)

I am so sorry.


----------



## labortrials (Aug 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breathless Wonder* 
Thank you everyone for your support.

I'm trying to cope with my feelings of guilt...all of the "what ifs..." that seem to come with a loss, and so is my DH.

It's like a broken record . . . "I'm so sorry." But what else can I say.







:

Please don't blame yourself. The OB I saw recently said that there's nothing you can do to disturb a pregnancy that "wants" to continue . . . and nothing you can do to save a pregnancy that's not meant to be.

I will say that it's incredible the number of people on here who have lost babies AFTER the heartbeat is detected. Perhaps the researchers need to come up with a better read on viability after the hb is detected. It just seems that ppl are losing their babies MUCH more frequently than the 3-5% that is often given to us as a comfort figure.

I'm glad for you that you have something to bury. I took my pregnancy to the OBs office so they could send it for pathology.









I'm so so so so sorry . . .


----------



## Traceyky (Aug 26, 2007)

Hugs again mama... I understand.
If I may offer a thought? I might be a little older, a little more experienced....

Don't make any major decisions (like a vasectomy) for at least a year. Seriously. It is a little like "don't marry for at least a year after divorce or widowhood" You need time to really sort things out before you make any "permanant" decisions. I have met many people who decided to get permenantly broken after a loss... and all had serious regrets. Blessings on you and your family.


----------



## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

Evenings are the worst for me- even before I lost the baby. The house gets quiet, and I'm left with my thoughts. Right now, I really don't want to listen to them, KWIM? The time will come for that, but right now...

Quote:


Originally Posted by *labortrials* 
I will say that it's incredible the number of people on here who have lost babies AFTER the heartbeat is detected. Perhaps the researchers need to come up with a better read on viability after the hb is detected. It just seems that ppl are losing their babies MUCH more frequently than the 3-5% that is often given to us as a comfort figure.

Agreed. and it was a STRONG heartbeat. US said 6 weeks 4 days, and 150 BPM. That was 2 weeks ago.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Traceyky*
Don't make any major decisions (like a vasectomy) for at least a year. Seriously.

I told my DH that. The only decision I will make sooner than that is to try again (because as it was, my oldest is a teen, and my youngest would have been 5 when this baby was born). But I definitely want to wait a few months, and I have some things I need to get in order before we try again, if we try again.

2 things just really really hurt right now- this pregnancy was a "surprise", and while my DH was thrilled, I was less than enthusiastic. And now I feel like crap. The other thing was that second sac. I *knew*. I just knew from the beginning, and they kept saying they only saw 1. There is NO doubt in my mind that it was a second sac. I can not understand how they missed it.

Please forgive me if I am posting a lot. I'm processing, and don't have many people I can talk to IRL who get it.

I'm so sorry for your losses.


----------



## terrabella (Oct 19, 2005)




----------



## zoie2013 (Mar 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *labortrials* 
Please don't blame yourself. The OB I saw recently said that there's nothing you can do to disturb a pregnancy that "wants" to continue . . . and nothing you can do to save a pregnancy that's not meant to be.

Thank you for sharing this with us. It helps quiet that voice, I think we all have, asking questions or blaming ourselves when we couldn't have done anything.

Breathless-It's good to process here. And we're here for you.


----------



## hannybanany (Jun 3, 2006)

Oh mama, I am so sorry.


----------

