# Oprah today 10/01/08



## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

Anyone watch???

NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!! *NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!*

*NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!*

*NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!*

I can not tell you how upset I am for this mother. A simple break in routine & it happens. So sad. She even admitted to leaving her child in the car for a quick run-in to get her older child from pre-school.

But just this weekend, while picking up food I saw a Mother leave her 2 kids in the car while she waited in line. Oh it made me so frustrated!! I understand what I think her reasoning was, but you just do not do it. EVER!!!NEVER!!! EVER!! Cars are not toys for children to be left in.

(mods: this is about safety, not tv)


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## eurobin (Aug 20, 2006)

I'm from that area so we were innundated with coverage of it last August. I couldn't even watch today. It's beyond heartbreaking and even though I would never have left Anna alone in the car before, now I'LL NEVER EVER EVER leave Anna alone in the car. Just your subject line brought back that pit of the stomach feeling. Never... it's not worth it.


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## SeekingJoy (Apr 30, 2007)

I can't even think about this without tearing up. How terrible and difficult it must be for that mom. As someone who is constantly sleep deprived, I can so understand how it could happen to someone.


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## ~girlsmum~ (May 10, 2008)

I wish I could have seen the show now since I see it posted now on 2 of my mothering forums, would likely be on my 3rd if I checked. From what I've read a young child passed away in a car from spending the day in sweltering heat, the mother was horribly sleep deprived? She was forgotten to be dropped off at daycare?









I can only think of how incredibly blessed I was to have my DH at home for the first year of my twins' lives as I was very sleep deprived and I didn't drive either. I can't imagine what to say but how aweful for a child to lose their life in that way.


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## futurmama8 (Aug 15, 2008)

I am from cincinnati where this happened and most people were very angry at this woman. People just couldn't understand how you could do this. I was one of these people BUT the media here never told us that this was a change in her routine and now I get it. I feel so bad for her and her family. And I promise myself I will never judge another mother again. But the sad thing is another mother just did the same thing right here in cincinnati and lost her 8 month old child. Please do not leave your children in a car its not a risk anyone should take.


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## beka1977 (Aug 1, 2004)

I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first *18 mos* of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Some people are more scatterbrained than others. I could forget. I established this little routine where the last thing I'd do before I closed the car door was double check the back seat. I had another routine where the last thing I'd do immediately after starting the engine and before taking the car out of park was to double check to make sure the carseat was buckled, because without a routine I could forget that too.


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## TheGirls (Jan 8, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first *18 mos* of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.

As someone with only one child, no PPD issues, and very little sleep deprivation, I could forget. I have a tiny car and a loud child, so that makes it harder, but if she were to fall asleep in the back of a larger car, while I was driving somewhere that i don't usually take her.... I could see it. Scares the living crap out of me, and I don't think it's likely to happen, but it's far from impossible.

And my heart goes out to any mama it has happened to, without a second of judgment.


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## *violet* (Mar 24, 2004)

This show just broke my heart, and I don't remember the story from last year. The whole situation was just a horrible, terrible, incredibly sad thing. I'm still crying about it.


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first *18 mos* of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.

me either.

prolly wouldn't condemn her or anything. but i don't get it either.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beka1977* 
I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.

I don't get it either







I have been known to forget my purse in the car and not lock the doors but ummmm my kid? heck no.

We had a similar story here in FL and you can imagine the heat in the car. It only took a couple hours for th child to die BUT it was the grandma who forgot the child, not the mother. She was babysitting.


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## mommyto3girls (May 3, 2005)

Is this the mother that was an assistant principal? I did not see yesterday but I remember from last year. What I don't get is that she had admitted to previously leaving the girl in the car, including other times when she went to drop things at her school and had been warned by school officials not to do it again. Also, the survielence video shows her backing in to a space near the school door, how did she not see the child when she backed up? then she got out and opened the back of her suv to remove donuts twice, how did she not see the child or the car seat?


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## chambom (Dec 11, 2007)

I am a new mother and can only take this story as a lesson.

My one thought is wouldn't the daycare call if you didn't show up? I know my daycare will call by 9:30 if I don't drop off or call.

Just a thought of a protocol that could be in place to prevent these things. It is always good to have safety measures that assume anything can happen.
We implement stuff like this all the time in manufacturing facilities- every incident is preventable.

I couldn't watch the whole show- too heartbreaking.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chambom* 
My one thought is wouldn't the daycare call if you didn't show up? I know my daycare will call by 9:30 if I don't drop off or call.

I work in a daycare. No, we don't call when kids don't show up. Not every kid comes every day so it would be tedious (for us and the parents) to have to call every kids who doesn't show up every day.

I've heard people say that they will put their purse/briefcase/whatever right next to the carseat so they HAVE to go to the back seat, or at least look back there, before going in to work/run errands/whatever. It's a good idea for those who know they are scatterbrained. Actually, it's a good idea for everyone.

I'm in the camp of "I don't understand how it could happen", but only because I was a single mom for most of ds's life. I took him everywhere with me (including to work as a nanny) so I always take him out of the car wherever I am. He's 5 now and I still find myself opening up the back door on the rare times he's not with me. LOL!


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## Mommoo (Jun 26, 2008)

I also watched the show. I was thinking "I hope there's an MDC discussion about this."
I remember hearing about this incident, as well as others, and being astonished. I am one mother who can't imagine forgetting my child. I can't pass judgment on this mother. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom so I spend 24/7 vigilant and focused on my child. However, I can imagine how easy it is to become distracted when sleep-deprived, and out of your element.
It's shocking though. I'm thankful that she was willing to share her story because I definitely agree that we are a too fast paced society and we should all slow down and be more present and focused. I hope that many parents watched and that her telling of her story will prevent other tragic accidents from happening.


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## mistymama (Oct 12, 2004)

That is just so sad.


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## AndrewsMother (Jul 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first *18 mos* of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.

I don't get it either. I feel bad for the mom, but I do not understand. I have never had PPD, but I work 40 plus hours while attending school and never have a consistent schedule. Even when I was a SAH student mom and DH and I switched cars constantly with DH in the back seat I never forgot about him.

I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.


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## christy005 (Mar 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *piad* 
I don't get it either. I feel bad for the mom, but I do not understand. I have never had PPD, but I work 40 plus hours while attending school and never have a consistent schedule. Even when I was a SAH student mom and DH and I switched cars constantly with DH in the back seat I never forgot about him.

I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.


Me too. I just don't understand how it can happen....especially for a long period of time. I can somewhat see maybe 5 minutes, but hours?


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## grumpybear (Oct 5, 2006)

I could totally see that happening and feel for the family to which this tragedy happened.
I am a SAHM to one fairly manageable child.
I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast.
It was a change in routine for her and I guess she goes about her days perfectly safe in the knowledge that her child is in DC.
That little tidbit about her taking her child to the DCP probably got lost in the hectic-ness of her day.
It's such a sad, sad situation.
I feel blessed that I have the luxury of SAH and my DH checks up on us during the day.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beka1977* 
I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommyto3girls* 
Also, the survielence video shows her backing in to a space near the school door, how did she not see the child when she backed up? then she got out and opened the back of her suv to remove donuts twice, how did she not see the child or the car seat?


Quote:


Originally Posted by *piad* 
I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.


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## ma_vie_en_rose (Jun 7, 2008)

This story is just tragic. I can not imagine going through what this woman is going through. She will live with this guilt for the rest of her life. She made a terrible, terrible mistake that morning. Her poor daughter.

While I can not imagine this happening in my life, I can see how it happens. So many people are totally unfocused in their lives because they are pulled in so many different directions. I see it all the time around me. They are not present. These mistakes happen when you live your life that way. I mean, this kind of thing happens far too often for it to be something others look at with simple condemnation for the mother. It should serve as a reminder to focus, focus, focus on what you need to be doing, especially when your children are around.


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## Thandiwe (May 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SeekingJoy* 
I can't even think about this without tearing up. How terrible and difficult it must be for that mom. As someone who is constantly sleep deprived, I can so understand how it could happen to someone.









: I didn't have a chance to see this episode and I'm not even sure of the story, so I'm not exactly "defending" her per se. I don't know that specific story. I just wanted to throw my 2 cents into the mix about mistakes mothers (and fathers) make.

I have 3 under 3. I've given birth to 2. When my baby was just 9 months old, an old friend of mine lost custody of her 1 month old baby. As such, we ended up with an "unexpected" baby...one who has severe colic. I have spent many days making many stupid mistakes. Most of them are really minor, harmless.

About a week and a half ago, after our scheduled supervised visitation for our foster daughter with her parents, I took the 3 babies to the store to buy some groceries. They were hungry, crabby, and in extreme need of a nap. On the way out, they all cried. As I changed diapers in the car and gave my foster baby a bottle, they cried. I loaded them up, exhausted and overwhelmed, and off we went on our 1 hour long ride home.

When we pulled into our garage, I went to take them out of the car. As I got to my 3 year old son who had been the quietest of the bunch back at the store, I realized I'd made a grave mistake: he had clipped the top clip of his Britax car seat up anticipating me finishing the bottom. But I forgot and when I glanced over at him, the top clip was done...I overlooked the rest. We drove the entire one hour ride home without his crotch clip of the 5 point done up.









Now I consider myself a good mom. I breastfeed and wash their hands all the time. I am a freak about safety. They have Britax car seats, and I won't let anyone else clip them in...I'm too worried it won't be tight enough or safe enough.

But I goofed. I thank God every time I think about it that my little boy is safe. I know how unbelievable serious this could have been and regret it every minute. I'm a good mom. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. Sometimes, these things happen.

Before that happened, I was one of those moms who said I "never" did anything seriously wrong like that. Funny how life has a way of humbling you...

My heart breaks for that mom. She will suffer every minute of every day she's alive. She knows she made a mistake. She didn't intentionally kill her child. She made a bad judgement call. So did I. I'm human.


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## Mommoo (Jun 26, 2008)

When DS was still an infant and I was even more sleep-deprived and scatterbrained than I currently am, I forgot to belt his bucket seat into the car on two separate occasions. I didn't drive far, and it was in a residential area, but it still freaked me out when I noticed. I had belted him into the seat, then forgotten the rest. I had been used to using the adapter portion that you just click the bucket into. I have definitely made stupid mistakes and strive daily to be more focused and present.


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## BF124497 (Mar 29, 2007)

There is a very big difference between leaving part of a carseat unfastened for a short period of time and leaving your child in a car for eight hours to die.

I can't bring myself to feel compassion for this woman; I'm reserving my sympathy for her daughter, who died a horrible, horrible death as a direct result of her negligence.


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## EviesMom (Nov 30, 2004)

I didn't see the show, but the friend who was telling me about it said the woman stopped by her daycare provider to drop the baby off, couldn't drop the baby off because it was too early, so she went to get donuts first meaning to drop the baby off (again) after that. But she forgot to go back to the DCP. It's horrible, but I get that. I've never left a child somewhere and I don't have a car, but I worry that I'll forget if it's my day or the sitters to pick DD up at preschool. I think it's a common parental worry. That's good worry, it helps us focus on our kids.


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## octobermom (Aug 31, 2005)

I once left our then under a year old DD with DH and went on an afternoon of errend running. I was getting over the flu the weather was hot and icky and I had way too many stops to make.. At some point in the afternoon I was driving and glanced in the rear view mirror and saw DD empty car seat... and totally panicked. I pulled over my heart was going soo fast thinking OMG I left my DD at the store! I honestly just sat there in total shock got back on the road headed back towards the last store went throug hat least 3 lights before it occured to me.. Umm DUH shes at home with DH!

Deanna


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## mischievium (Feb 9, 2003)

Here's what I don't understand in all of this: This tragedy gets played out multiple times every year-- HOW is it that there isn't some sort of safety device/ alarm that alerts parents if they leave their child in the car?

Now that I asked that question, I googled it and apparently there is something already on the market:
http://www.emaxhealth.com/20/23649.html

Perhaps devices like this should be more widely promoted and used.


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## Freefromitall (Sep 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first *18 mos* of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.

Thank you. I swear I say this to dh every time one of these stories comes up. I just don't get it.


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## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

Yea.. I dont get it either. It is a horrible tragedy, and I get emotional just thinking about it. But wow.. I just, do not understand how that is done.


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## *violet* (Mar 24, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganjoy* 
There is a very big difference between leaving part of a carseat unfastened for a short period of time and leaving your child in a car for eight hours to die.









:


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## cairomama (May 3, 2007)

I saw the show.

She didn't purposefully "leave her child in the car to die". She didn't even purposefully leave her in the car while she did something else and forget to go back for her. She didn't realize that the child was still in the car. She was in the zone. This is a terrible tragedy.

It is different is a parent doesn't have a babysitter or is on drugs and does it. It is easier to distance yourself from those incidents, but something like this where the mother was just busy and on auto-pilot could happen to a lot of people.

I don't judge her. I feel sorry for her and will use her story as a reminder to myself to be extra careful.


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## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

A similiar situation I was just made aware of via myspace. An Amber Alert in the Detroit area was just announced. An unrestrained 2 year old was left unattended in the car at a gas station while the adult went in to make a purchase. When he returned, the child was gone.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smalls181* 
A similiar situation I was just made aware of via myspace. An Amber Alert in the Detroit area was just announced. An unrestrained 2 year old was left unattended in the car at a gas station while the adult went in to make a purchase. When he returned, the child was gone.









I just saw this on the news...sorry but i'm reserving judgement until they review surv. cameras (have they done that yet??)...mom's boyfriend says baby went "poof" gone while he went in to get GUM? Hmmm....my first thought wasnt "stranger kidnapped baby while adult ran into the store" my first thought was "thats a convenient alibi"....i HOPE that baby was kidnapped, because i think a more likely scenario was that boyfriend killed her, and is covering. So sad. Hope they find her soon. It is FAR (far far) more likely that someone in the family (usually, the boyfriend, stepfather, etc) had something to do with the disappearance than some random stranger at a gas station. I'm not saying kidnapping never happens but a baby being killed by mom's boyfriend in a rage, then it being covered up, is alot MORE common.

The issue with the Oprah episode is NOT "no children left it cars EVER"...its that this mom FORGOT. she didnt (as someone mentioned) leave her child in the car...she forgot her. Big difference.

As a PP experienced, i too have had that feeling, driving down the road, look in the rear view mirror and see the empty carseat. My heart almost stopped, until i remembered he was at home w/ my sister (which is a rare thing)...i think its easy to say "i would NEVER...." but thats why they call them accidents. You think it will never happen to you....until it does.

Katherine


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cairomama* 
I saw the show.

She didn't purposefully "leave her child in the car to die". She didn't even purposefully leave her in the car while she did something else and forget to go back for her. She didn't realize that the child was still in the car. She was in the zone. This is a terrible tragedy.

It is different is a parent doesn't have a babysitter or is on drugs and does it. It is easier to distance yourself from those incidents, but something like this where the mother was just busy and on auto-pilot could happen to a lot of people.

I don't judge her. I feel sorry for her and will use her story as a reminder to myself to be extra careful.

I agree with this. It makes me so sad to see so many judgemental mamas. It don't know the story and didn't watch Oprah (I don't live in the US) but it sounds like the mother must be trying to get the word out by going on the show. I can't imagine something more horrible for any parent. Reminds me of stories where a father or mother runs over a child in the driveway. So beyond tragic. I'm sure this mother loved her child just as much as we love ours.


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## beka1977 (Aug 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *veganjoy* 
There is a very big difference between leaving part of a carseat unfastened for a short period of time and leaving your child in a car for eight hours to die.

I can't bring myself to feel compassion for this woman; I'm reserving my sympathy for her daughter, who died a horrible, horrible death as a direct result of her negligence.









:


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## grniys (Aug 22, 2006)

I'm also pretty surprised there are so many unsympathetic mama's. Don't you think she thinks about it every minute of everyday and blames herself enough?

I feel so badly for this woman. Everyone makes a mistake now and then. Do I think it's something I would do? No, but I'll admit, it is possible. Because I'm a human being and I'm not perfect.

Have any of you ever forgotten your child at swim practice or school? You've never forgotten to run an errand?

I feel so, so badly for this woman. It's just awful.


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## JamieB (Apr 1, 2008)

http://www.wcpo.com/mostpopular/stor...4-46ad09e2094f


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

i don't want to say that would never happen to me, because as someone said...life does have a tendency to humble you...

but

i really could not imagine leaving baby in the car.

leaving them at daycare, or school, or practice i could see. because i might lose track of time. especially if i'm out running errands.

and like someone said...she didn't pop into her job for a second, leaving her child in the car. she FORGOT her. and didn't notice her on subsequent trips to the car.

being judgmental in a case like this isn't wrong. a big part of my heart wants to call her behavior neglectful, not forgetful. her daughter DIED because of this. another part of me wonders if this woman WAS actually on DRUGS. Although i've got a good sleeper so maybe i am underestimating the debilitation associated with not being able to get a good night's sleep.


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## MamaBear21107 (Jan 20, 2008)

I was just talking about this with a friend at the park this morning.... I am lucky enought to be a SAHM, and I have a toddler, so my mind is always on my dd...on the rare occasions that I am not with her, I am checking the car seat or listening to our Music Together CD in the car even though she is home with dh.








This story absolutely terrifies me, and I have seen mothers almost do this sort of thing. I used to own a retail business that sold maternity and baby things. One very slow day a very sleep deprived woman came in with her baby in a stroller. Her baby was asleep. I had a small store, and she went in the dressing room to try on a shirt while leaving the stroller outside of the dressing room. She bought the shirt and we were chatting about motherhood, but I could tell that she was wiped out and was trying to hold it together for appearances sake- something seemed "off" with her, i was guessing that she was feeling depressed/stressed. She then thanked me for her purchase and started to walk out of the store- ALONE. With out her baby. I let her get about half way out the door before making a light hearted "oh, oops, uh...your baby is uh..." I had no idea what to say. She looked at me confused for a second, then flustered/shocked/embarassed and ran back in, grabbed the stroller and rushed out of the store.
I felt so bad for her, but could only think, what if this were a department store or other place...
I really feel that a huge problem with our society is that we as mothers are expected to incorporate babys into our lives and keep going...what really needs to happen IMO is that when a baby comes into your life, your life CHANGES. You are a mother- you need to stop the fast paced pre-baby lifestyle- even if that means a LOT of sacrifices. Otherwise, we loose that "mother instinct" as it is muddled with everything else in our lives that we are trying to hold together.
I'm not putting judgement on this mother- I don't know the entire detailed story, other than what I heard on TV, but for the rest of us...lesson learned, we need to slow down and keep focus on the single most important thing in our lives- our family.


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## emmasmommy (Feb 26, 2004)

I don't know the whole background to the story, but I can kind of see how this could happen, but still don't really understand forgetting for the whole day. For me, anything that is outside of my normal routine messes with me for the whole day. On Tuesday this week, dd1 was sick so she stayed at home with dh. While taking dd2 to daycare, I started to turn towards my work rather than daycare (at one intersection I go right to get to work and left to go to the daycare). But as soon as I turned I saw dd in the back of the van and turned around - so only half a block the wrong direction. DD1 is so chatty, that I forgot that dd2 who is pretty quiet especially in the morning was in still the van, since I usually have both girls with me in the morning.

It is a horribly sad story and I really feel for the mother.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

I just don't understand these stories. I don't get it. If I go somewhere without the kids 98% of the time I open up the back door to get my kids out. Even if I *know* they are at home with DH. It's such habit to get out of the car, get in the backseat that I just cannot see NOT doing it.

And my kids are quiet in the car, they generally fall asleep before we're even out of the driveway.


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## dahlsk (May 23, 2007)

I'm not going to defend or flame the mother from Oprah who lost her child due to this tragedy, but I think we need to all think about how we can slow down and be more mindful in our lives. I've never made that big of a mistake, but certainly little slips here and there when things get too hectic. I try not to berate myself over them, but instead think of them as a warning bell that I am doing too much and need to slow down. We might not make as big of a mistake as she did, but we all could benefit from being more present and mindful of/for our kids and families. And the show also emphasized the importance of asking for help and not trying to be supermoms all the time, which is another lesson I need to learn some days, too. Just my 2 cents...


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## Thandiwe (May 14, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *grniys* 
I'm also pretty surprised there are so many unsympathetic mama's. Don't you think she thinks about it every minute of everyday and blames herself enough?









Doesn't anyone notice how she calls herself "the most hated mom in America?" She's already taking blame on the matter....I applaud her for standing up, saying what happened, saying "I did it," and then warning moms and dads everywhere.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." ~Nelson Mandela


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## Lily's_Mom (Feb 11, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smalls181* 
A similiar situation I was just made aware of via myspace. An Amber Alert in the Detroit area was just announced. An unrestrained 2 year old was left unattended in the car at a gas station while the adult went in to make a purchase. When he returned, the child was gone.









My dh left dd unattended in the car when she was younger.







He used to take her for a drive in the evenings sometimes, to help her fall asleep. A couple of times, once she was asleep, he stopped by the university to go check something in his lab. He didn't want to wake her up, so he just locked her in the car and went inside for 5 minutes or so. When he mentioned one time that he had done this, I just about got sick imagining what could have happened, that being that someone could have stolen her. He figured since she was locked in the car, it was okay, but I said as long as someone could steal our car, they could take her with it. I made him understand that it is NEVER okay to leave a child in a car unattended.

Sometimes when my dd is asleep in her bed at night, I think of how lucky I am that she is still with us.


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## Smalls181 (May 12, 2006)

Saying that I dont understand how this could happen doesnt mean that I am condemning the mother. I feel absolutely horrible for her, and for what she is obviously going through every second of her life. If she were here right now, I would give her the biggest hug and weep with her. But because of the way I operate, the way my days are, the way my brain works, I dont understand forgetting your child is in your car. I know it happens all too often. But hearing about it doesn't make it easier for me to understand.


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## missbuns (Oct 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bens_mommy_2005* 







Doesn't anyone notice how she calls herself "the most hated mom in America?" She's already taking blame on the matter....I applaud her for standing up, saying what happened, saying "I did it," and then warning moms and dads everywhere.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." ~Nelson Mandela


Poor poor woman. Poor poor baby. I'm not sure what those of you who are suggesting she is on drugs, or would "never" do anything like this think she should do. Would you be happy if she commited suicide? She probably wants to. I know I would.

Like I said before, she is on TV talking about it. This is proof that she doesn't want it to happen to anyone else. I hadn't even heard of the situation, she is putting herself out there because it's the ONLY thing she can do at this point.

Have a little compassion. She worked at a school, she probably loved kids. She wasn't some jobless woman drinking and partying all day and leaving her child in the car. It was an accident, a crazy and tragic accident. Yes, she didn't notice her child in the car. Nor did anyone else even though it sat in a parking lot all day. Imagine finding her child at the end of the day. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. It makes me so sick for her.

I hope she finds some peace telling her story and knowing she is helping parents to slow down a bit and of course never leave their children in the car.


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## CanidFL (Jul 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MamaBear21107* 
I really feel that a huge problem with our society is that we as mothers are expected to incorporate babys into our lives and keep going...what really needs to happen IMO is that when a baby comes into your life, your life CHANGES. You are a mother- you need to stop the fast paced pre-baby lifestyle- even if that means a LOT of sacrifices. Otherwise, we loose that "mother instinct" as it is muddled with everything else in our lives that we are trying to hold together.
I'm not putting judgement on this mother- I don't know the entire detailed story, other than what I heard on TV, but for the rest of us...lesson learned, we need to slow down and keep focus on the single most important thing in our lives- our family.

Wow like that isn't a little offensive to some of us. I WOH full time because I don't have a choice. There is no "if you just made some sacrifices you could do it". I go to school and yes DS is in daycare. Just because I wasn't lucky enough to SAH does not mean that I have lost my mother instinct. I am focused on my son. That is pretty darn hurtful


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## chirp (Feb 9, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *missbuns* 
Poor poor woman. Poor poor baby. I'm not sure what those of you who are suggesting she is on drugs, or would "never" do anything like this think she should do. Would you be happy if she commited suicide? She probably wants to. I know I would.

...

Have a little compassion.

...

I hope she finds some peace telling her story and knowing she is helping parents to slow down a bit and of course never leave their children in the car.

I would not be happy if someone committed suicide.








And I do have compassion...for both her and her little girl.
And I hope that she does find some peace too.

BUt in the end I still see her as neglectful.

I mean, even on a spiritual level her actions were neglectful. She ignored warnings/patterns about leaving her child alone in the car.

It seems from the news article that she was used to leaving the child unattended in the car. I doubt she only did it the times she got caught.

Maybe those mommas who would not forget their children in the car, ever, are those momma's who would not leave them in the car purposefully either. I'm not saying she or her daughter deserves the pain of death...but seriously...she had some "cosmic" warnings (or at least in my book she did). She ignored them. She ignored them even though they took the form of verbal warnings from people who cared about her and her family.

Of course she feels bad. That doesn't change what happened.


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:

Of course she feels bad. That doesn't change what happened.
This sums it up perfectly. All the feeling bad in the world doesn't change the fact that she was neglectful and a child died because of it.


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## MoonStarFalling (Nov 4, 2004)

She had a long history of leaving her child unattended in the car. The day she died she backed her car up, moved her car around, unloaded 8 dozen dough nuts from the trunk and walked right by her daughter in the back seat half a dozen times. All day long she worked and never once realized her daughter was in the car? No way.


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## Love_My_Bubba (Jul 4, 2006)

Wow, this is a tough one because one side of me wants REALLY badly to feel completely compassionate for this mother. Can you guys even begin to fathom what it must have been like for her to find her child and understand what that poor little girl endured? I know I'm just imagining it and I have actual chest pains.

The other side of me can't imagine ever forgetting my DS, ever. I work full time and I follow the exact same routine every day (with the obvious occassional exception) but every time DS is in the car with me I glance back in the rear view mirror once every minute or two to check him out even if he's asleep. I just can't understand how a child slips your mind.

I can't imagine what she lives with every day, even if she did repeatedly leave her child in the car I would never wish this kind of pain on a nother person.


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## starlein26 (Apr 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MoonStarFalling* 
She had a long history of leaving her child unattended in the car. The day she died she backed her car up, moved her car around, unloaded 8 dozen dough nuts from the trunk and walked right by her daughter in the back seat half a dozen times. All day long she worked and never once realized her daughter was in the car? No way.

No way is right...something is amiss here.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I had no idea that such judgement would abound when I started this thread. This woman will have to live with the guilt & sadness that comes when you bury your own child, this pain I know personally. I will never judge a fellow mother.

Anyway the point I wanted to make is never leave your kids in cars, period. I see this happen all to frequently. A quick run to the ATM, paying for gas inside, picking older children up from pre-school, etc. DO NOT DO IT! EVER!!! (besides it is probably against the law as well.)

What happened to this mother is tragic, and a learning lesson for all of us. She was distracted, not present in the moment of the day. There was a deviation from their normal routine, & frankly that is very common in this tragedy.

Take a look at 4 r kids sake for some important info about children & cars.


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## LisainCalifornia (May 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Debstmomy* 
.

Anyway the point I wanted to make is never leave your kids in cars, period. I see this happen all to frequently. A quick run to the ATM, paying for gas inside, picking older children up from pre-school, etc. DO NOT DO IT! EVER!!! (besides it is probably against the law as well.) .


Yes, but you do understand in this case she was not just taking a chance and leaving her babe for a few minutes in the car (which you seem to be warning against)---she actually forgot her child was in the car and just went to work as usual. There is a difference there.

She seems like she was totally distracted and just forgot. It doesn't matter that she backed her car up and took out donuts from the back--she didn't think to glance in the direction of her child's car seat because she didn't think she was in there at all. This was not a intentional "leaving the child in the car for just a sec..." type of thing, it was an unintentional mistake that had tragic consequences.

So your big warning doesn't really have anything to do with what actually happened in this case.


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## Jemmind (Nov 13, 2007)

Something similar happened near here not too long ago. A foster mom went to the dr, got meds and took them before she got home. She got home and brought the 2 3 year olds in the house and left the foster baby in the car and fell asleep. When the older kids got home about 3 hours later asked where the baby was went out to the van and the baby had died. Please read here: http://www.jacksonheraldtoday.com/ar...at-stroke.html
It's horrible when these things happen, I think in this case the foster mother was neglectful in leaving the baby in the car. I can see how it happened to the oprah mom, but no matter what the reason, it's neglectful too.


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## Phoenix_Rising (Jun 27, 2005)

This is an incredibly sad story - for the baby and the mother. Debating why the incident happened the way it did will not bring this child back. Perhaps we could focus more on what could be done to make sure this does not happen to any more children?








Cecilia


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LisainCalifornia* 
Yes, but you do understand in this case she was not just taking a chance and leaving her babe for a few minutes in the car (which you seem to be warning against)---she actually forgot her child was in the car and just went to work as usual. There is a difference there.

She seems like she was totally distracted and just forgot. It doesn't matter that she backed her car up and took out donuts from the back--she didn't think to glance in the direction of her child's car seat because she didn't think she was in there at all. This was not a intentional "leaving the child in the car for just a sec..." type of thing, it was an unintentional mistake that had tragic consequences.

So your big warning doesn't really have anything to do with what actually happened in this case.

This is what I was wondering. I didn't see the show and I don't know the story. But it sounds like forgetting your child in the car and leaving him/her there for a few minutes on purpose are different things.


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## OakBerry (May 24, 2005)

This is so tragic.
I saw a similar Oprah when ds was a baby, it was about mothers who left children in cars and one was stolen, another caught on fire, etc.
I vowed that I would never leave ds in the car alone, EVER. It was easy, I admit, because I only had the one child, but that show chilled my heart.


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

This is not a case of going to the ATM and leaving your child in the car. That's a totally different (and hotly debated) issue. And the result in that case wouldn't be a dead child from heat because it wouldn't be long enough. There are other risks to that, but this isn't one of them.

This is a case of mom thinking she had done something (dropped baby at daycare) and going on with her day. As one who WOH I rarely think about my kids during the day. They are at daycare (or were, now they are at school), I am at work, where I am paid for and expected to focus on something other than my children. On a busy day at the office I foget to go pee for 8 hours -- and that has a physical reminder to it that I still manage to ignore sometimes! Once I had come into the building I can completely see myself not thinking about it until I got back to the car and actually saw the child. And I can completely understand getting out of the routine and not noticing. Even not sleep deprived I forget kid related things all the time -- took me a week to remember to call the doctor for an appointment for my DS and he has been begging me every night because his eyes hurt so bad. Once I'm at work, they aren't top of mind.

For all of those who "don't get it", goody for you. I do and have an attitude of "But for the grace of God, there go I". That and the fact that my kids were never ever quiet in the car!


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## KayleeZoo (Apr 8, 2003)

Quote:

As one who WOH *I rarely think about my kids during the day*&#8230;Even not sleep deprived I forget kid related things all the time -- *took me a week to remember to call the doctor for an appointment for my DS and he has been begging me every night because his eyes hurt so bad.* Once I'm at work, they aren't top of mind.


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## ~*~MamaJava~*~ (Mar 7, 2004)

So hard to watch and to think about...I have really struggled with this since I watched the show! I keep thinking about this mom, and the situation. I guess I get what Evan&Anna'smom is saying, but honestly - I personally can't imagine it, but that's because I don't live in the world of WOHM. My life has been 24/7 my kids since ds was born 5 years ago. I know what it's like to be sleep deprived, and mild PPD has happened to me too, and that's when weird things start to happen for me. So i guess - in a way i can't judge her, because I don't know - but it seems impossible.
It's just so sad and horrible to forget your child like that.


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## kangaroomum25 (Jun 21, 2007)

*preparing to be flamed* I've often put the carseat in the front seat (I dont have an airbag) just because I really feel the need to be able to see my babies and for them to see me. Plus I felt like it was much more unsafe to have a crying baby in the back distracting me while driving then a baby that's happy because they can see me. Having the baby within easy eyesight makes it so made it so much easier for me to stay tuned into them (without taking my mind or eyes off the road.) When I first heard about this case, I couldnt help but think this would not have happened if the baby was in the front seat. Not saying babies should start riding in the front seat, but wouldnt it be nicer if it were safer for them to do that. I've seen parents reaching into the back seat while driving trying to comfort the baby or find a lost pacifier, I just dont think that's safe, of course it can happen in the front seat too, just seems more likely if the kids in the back. With all the money spent on cars and improving cars, why can't we make the front seat safer? Or even have more options for built in mirrors where you can see the baby easier from the back, but dont have to worry about them flying off during a crash.


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## St. Margaret (May 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mischievium* 
Here's what I don't understand in all of this: This tragedy gets played out multiple times every year-- HOW is it that there isn't some sort of safety device/ alarm that alerts parents if they leave their child in the car?

Now that I asked that question, I googled it and apparently there is something already on the market:
http://www.emaxhealth.com/20/23649.html

Perhaps devices like this should be more widely promoted and used.

Seriously-- we have devices that ding ding ding if you leave your lights on, and if you aren't buckled up, so you'd think something like this would be worthwhile to parents!

Tragic, tragic, tragic. I thank God when I know I make mindless mistakes that COULD have been deadly but turn out okay (like not realizing a left turn was unprotected until the last second, almost running a red light for no good reason... probably all sleep exhaustion looking back on when they happened). I don't know how leaving a child would compare to that, but I assume she is punishing herself plenty. That poor baby.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Posting w/o reading the whole thread: I've forgotten mine in the car before. I had PPD, was extremely sleep deprived and was dealing with a high needs infant.

In my case, my dh realized I'd forgotten dd in the car and went out to get her. Thankfully, when I just about had a nervous breakdown he was a little more compassionate to me than some of the responses I read here.

And at the time I was a SAHM. It had nothing to do with work or daycare.

I'm glad other people feel so safe to judge this situation. I'm not religious, but what's that saying? 'But for the grace of God(dess) there go I'.


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## Ceinwen (Jul 1, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KayleeZoo* 
This sums it up perfectly. All the feeling bad in the world doesn't change the fact that she was neglectful and a child died because of it.

I understand that as mothers/parents we're really affected emotionally and viscerally by this sort of story.

But why, oh why are we so harsh? I can feel just as much agony for the mother as for the baby.


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## queenjane (May 17, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *kangaroomum25* 
Not saying babies should start riding in the front seat, but wouldnt it be nicer if it were safer for them to do that. I've seen parents reaching into the back seat while driving trying to comfort the baby or find a lost pacifier, I just dont think that's safe, of course it can happen in the front seat too, just seems more likely if the kids in the back. With all the money spent on cars and improving cars, why can't we make the front seat safer? Or even have more options for built in mirrors where you can see the baby easier from the back, but dont have to worry about them flying off during a crash.

Thats the interesting thing...its often posted here in the safety forum how awful those mirrors are (that allow you to see the baby in the back), so dangerous, and extended rear facing is highly encouraged...but for those saying "how could she not SEE her child??"...if you dont have a mirror and the baby is rf behind the driver seat...how DO you see your child? You dont. I put a lightweight cloth and plastic mirror back there, because i couldnt stand the idea of not being able to see my child (esp for long trips). My minivan has not only tinted windows in the back but pretty good soundproofing too...i could be standing a foot away from the back door and not be able to see nor hear my child.

There was a case awhile back where a father (who rarely dropped his baby off at daycare) had to do the daycare run that day....but he went on autopilot, ended up driving to work (like he did 99 percent of previous mornings) and it wasnt until hours later someone yelled at him "your baby!" that he remembered he never dropped him off at daycare (baby died







)

The reason the mom (and the dad in my example) forgot their kids, was that there was a change in routine, and their brain didnt catch up. The mom had already BEEN to the babysitter, so her mind was thinking she dropped off the child (who, from reading the article, was probably asleep at this point)...she got busy with what she was doing, and knew she'd already driven to daycare, so her mind probably checked that off the list. Its really sad, and yes neglectful, but its one of those things that i dont think you can really prepare for, other than maybe forcing yourself to do a seat check everytime you leave the car or something.

Katherine


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## MamaBear21107 (Jan 20, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *CanidFL* 
Wow like that isn't a little offensive to some of us. I WOH full time because I don't have a choice. There is no "if you just made some sacrifices you could do it". I go to school and yes DS is in daycare. Just because I wasn't lucky enough to SAH does not mean that I have lost my mother instinct. I am focused on my son. That is pretty darn hurtful









WOW.







That is so *NOT* what I meant. I am terribly sorry that that is what you got from that- that wasn't my point *at all*. Not only was that not my point, but I don't feel that way at all. I didn't mean sacrifice your job. Now that I re-read what I wrote I see how someone might think that that is what I was implying but its NOT. You can change/slow down your life, have your family as a priority, and work- in fact, most of us don't have a choice not to work. One of the best mothers that I know, my SIL, works outside the home. My point was that IMO we need to step back and take a look at our lives when we become mamas and reprioritise or slow down. That can mean making choices/sacrifices that we wouldn't have made if we didn't have children...when I said that otherwise we loose the "motherly instinct" I'm referring to what I have seen with some moms-that trying to be wonder woman and doing it all and more, plus having kids can lead to total burn out, and they aren't listening to there own bodies and signals, let alone their childrens. In retrospect, I feel I shouldn't have phrased it that way.
I'm sorry if I offended you, as a sahm i have a lot of respect for mothers that work and/or go to school - it can't be easy at all. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother to your ds.
I just feel like too much is expected of us sometimes, and i wish our culture as a whole would be more respectful of our role as mothers.


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## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

I have removed several posts here that were against our UA.









Let's keep it on topic please.

Thanks.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *queenjane* 
Thats the interesting thing...its often posted here in the safety forum how awful those mirrors are (that allow you to see the baby in the back), so dangerous, and extended rear facing is highly encouraged...but for those saying "how could she not SEE her child??"...if you dont have a mirror and the baby is rf behind the driver seat...how DO you see your child? You dont. I put a lightweight cloth and plastic mirror back there, because i couldnt stand the idea of not being able to see my child (esp for long trips). My minivan has not only tinted windows in the back but pretty good soundproofing too...i could be standing a foot away from the back door and not be able to see nor hear my child.

There was a case awhile back where a father (who rarely dropped his baby off at daycare) had to do the daycare run that day....but he went on autopilot, ended up driving to work (like he did 99 percent of previous mornings) and it wasnt until hours later someone yelled at him "your baby!" that he remembered he never dropped him off at daycare (baby died







)

The reason the mom (and the dad in my example) forgot their kids, was that there was a change in routine, and their brain didnt catch up. The mom had already BEEN to the babysitter, so her mind was thinking she dropped off the child (who, from reading the article, was probably asleep at this point)...she got busy with what she was doing, and knew she'd already driven to daycare, so her mind probably checked that off the list. Its really sad, and yes neglectful, but its one of those things that i dont think you can really prepare for, other than maybe forcing yourself to do a seat check everytime you leave the car or something.

Katherine

Exactly.

I also saw a statistic at some point where moms are much more likely to be found guilty of negligent homicide or whatever they're charged with than dads. People seem more understanding when the dad forgets the baby.

I talked about this at one point with my dh and he said he couldn't imagine how someone could forget, but I immediately could see. I'm a SAHM and I could forget. As I said earlier in the thread, I made myself establish rituals to double-check so I don't forget because I could so see myself doing it. And when my daughter was old enough, I taught her how to get out of the car just in case. My mind sometimes gets focused on what I have to do and I have to force myself to slow down and get out of that.

People say it isn't like leaving a sack of groceries, but memory doesn't work that way. Forgetfulness doesn't just happen to trivial things. It just happens, regardless of how important things are. That's why parents need to be very careful, establish rituals, make lists, put a Post-It note on the dashboard, whatever. I wish people would hear about this and talk about ways to keep it from happening again rather than simply lash out at the parent.


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