# Cloth and my MIL (Update)



## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

I have got to get this off my chest and dh just shrugs over it, so I figured you ladies would understand.

My 3.5 year old ds is not potty trained fully yet, so I have been keeping him in training pants. You all know what disposable ones cost, and the gerber ones were awful because he does not poop in the potty, so I finally convinced dh to let me get some FB trickle free trainers.

I bought 6 regular ones and 2 overnight ones because he does use the potty sometimes and this was enough for 2-3 days. This was a pretty big investment for us.

Anyway, my ds went to my MIL's to spend the night and I packed 5 of his 8 pairs to go with him just in case. She brings him back the next day WITHOUT them







. Instead she brought half a pack of pull-ups.

We just moved and we are living on a very tight budget for a while. We need to get 2 weeks worth of groceries this weekend on $150, and now I have to buy







disposables!! This blows our budget and p*sses me off!!!

Anyway, sorry for the vent, I just needed to let that out to people who would get it.


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## Spicey Momma (Jul 24, 2003)

So where are tbey? What did she do with the trainers??








I am not very good at keeping my mouth shut when I just spent alot of $$ and I would have gone off.


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

can she not bring them back to you? Tough situation. You can't really say "those are pretty expensive, I need them back right now" or you get the "well, if you don't have any money how can you justify xx amount on these" blah blah blah. at least that's how it goes w/my MIL


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## JanB (Mar 4, 2004)

Wait, so what did she do with them? Just keep them, or throw them away (







) or what? Is it possible for you to go back to her place and pick them up, or call her and explain the problem and have her drop them off at your place? I personally would be very reluctant to go buy disposables when I just spent all that money on cloth trainers! Maybe she doesn't realize how expensive they are, or it was just a misunderstanding?

I would be royally P.O.'ed, too.


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## hvl25 (Jan 28, 2003)

couldn't you just go to her house and get them?


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

She is out of town for the next few weeks on business. She dropped him off and left, so we didn't have a chance to get them at all. As far as I know, she just forgot them at home.







I really wish we could just go get them...


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## JanB (Mar 4, 2004)

I don't suppose your DH has a key to the house?









That totally sucks, I would be really upset.


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## hvl25 (Jan 28, 2003)

i would be fuming!!!


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## mamaroo (Mar 7, 2004)

I'm not sure what I would do but it might be against the law...

If anyone had my cloth though I'd be so upset, i think you should keep the receipts for any disposies you buy and tell her you want reimbursment! Explain that you can hardly afford to buy a bunch of disposable trainers when you just purchased reuasable ones. Since she didn't have the courtesy to return them, then she should be responsible for the expenses you have as a result.

then again I am very protective of my stuff so maybe it is just me!


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

do you have a good relationship w/her? do you think it truly was just an oversight - leaving them at home. maybe she didnt use them b/c she was a little itimidated by cloth (granted it's not rocket science - but still). Or you do you think it was sabotage.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by mthomas_
*do you have a good relationship w/her? do you think it truly was just an oversight - leaving them at home. maybe she didnt use them b/c she was a little itimidated by cloth (granted it's not rocket science - but still). Or you do you think it was sabotage.*
Our relationship is strained at best. The woman is unstable, so I really don't know WHY she did it. She always brings him back with sposies in his diaper bag, so I think she thinks the cloth switch was a whim or done because we are poor (which is a factor). Does that make sense? She has brought him home with no underwear or diaper at all when he was really little, and we never did figure out if she just forgot to put a diaper back on him....

I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt for now, at least until I can talk to her about it.


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## Carolinamidwife (Dec 18, 2001)

Whew. I'm weird about this kind of thing so I would probably cry and then be FURIOUS. I would never be able to let it go.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

ALso wanted to add, the woman has NO CLUE what these things cost nor what they mean to me. I can't seem to get it through to her that I don't want him in disposables at all. I send a good sized wet bag with him and explain to her that she should send them back DIRTY because I have a special wash routine, but she still doesn't understand it. We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by cat_astrophe_
*We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.*
that might wake her up a little.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Sheena_
*Whew. I'm weird about this kind of thing so I would probably cry and then be FURIOUS. I would never be able to let it go.*
That's not weird to me, that is pretty much how I have responded. The more I think about it, the more furious I get....


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## soccerchic21 (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by cat_astrophe_
*We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.*
WOW!!!

I would have gone off! And I am evil I would not let my kids go over there for a while. Like until they were teenagers unsupervised. You are the parent not her so if you bring over cloth she needs to use it on him and like it. KWIM???

I hate MILs when they do that crap!

(I am still pissed at my MIL for giving 9 month DD a saltine while she babysat the other day can you tell?)


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## yitlan (Dec 8, 2001)

I would be so upset. UNLESS she is just flighty. Then I would be extremely bugged. Perhaps your dh should deal with this. She needs to know that you NEED these back asap. I would call, say "sorry to bother you on your trip, but who has a key to your house and can let us in to get these? We can't go without them."


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## DreamingMama (Apr 18, 2003)

it is time you talk to your MIL and tell her that paper is a big giant no no in your family. Before my MIL passed on from this life she was a supporter of cloth. She was always trying to get her daughter to use cloth but of SIL refused. Too much work, bad smell, you know all the dumb excuses. MIL was crunchie and so is my mom. I did not have to worry about them. My SIL's are the ones who think I am crackers.


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## soccerchic21 (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by yitlan_
*I would call, say "sorry to bother you on your trip, but who has a key to your house and can let us in to get these? We can't go without them."*
That is a great idea.

Listen Ladies we Daughters-in-Law need to unite against the wicked Mothers-in-Law of the world. We need to take a stand! Are you with me?


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## yitlan (Dec 8, 2001)

I am so lucky. My MIL either supports us or keeps her mouth shut. She may, occasionally, voice a concern, but it's always within the "it's your life and your decision" limits. I think the homebirth was received with a slightly raised eyebrow, but they accepted it and didn't make it an issue. Cloth was never an issue. Not having a crib was probably what raised the most concern, but even that was OK to deal with.


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## Fisherb (Mar 25, 2004)

All of these women have great ideas. This would have p*ssed me off to no end. I mean, are you raiding 2/3 of her in-use underwear? She could go buy Depends, right? ICK! EXACTLY!

I read this stuff, and I realize with all the flaws of our folks, they've never questioned our parenting choices like these. I'm so sorry.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

It has actuaaly been a couple of weeks, and I have allready tried to think of any possible way to get them back before she gets home in 2 weeks. Unfortunately, she has an alarm system, so we not only need a key, but also a code







.

I am going to explain to her once and for all that these diapers are important and expensive. If she can't show some respect, she needs to back off.

I am making a shopping list now, and it p*sses me off everytime I think about it. These things are just disgusting!!! It ried to get him in the gerbers, but they hurt his legs.

Quote:

I mean, are you raiding 2/3 of her in-use underwear? She could go buy Depends, right? ICK! EXACTLY!








: Good idea!! I should go raid her underwear and leave depends!! Only prob is, these trainers cost wayyyyy more than underwear.


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## flminivanmama (Nov 21, 2001)

LOL when you go pick them up you should totally take all her undies

bwahahaha


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## soccerchic21 (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:

_Originally posted by flminivanmama_
*LOL when you go pick them up you should totally take all her undies

bwahahaha*
And do it right in front of her and look her straight in the face and say "Lets see how you do without these for a few weeks!" Then do a few crazy twitches.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Just thought I would update you guys. We went to see MIL on saturday. As we were leaving, I asked her nonchalantly where the trainers were, and it turns out that she _threw them away_!!!!
















I had told her NOT to wash them because they have a special wash routine and she shouldn't wash them like normal clothes, but she decided that I didn't really mean that, so she soaked them in bleach, then washed them twice with full detergent and fabric softener. She told me they smelled bad, and she had to do it. I guess they didn't like being soaked in bleach. She says she'll reimburse me. I wanted to yell "$#[email protected] YEAH! YOU'LL REIMBURSE ME!!"

She has no idea how much we spent on those, and she is going to flip out when I tell her. I am fully prepared for a lecture from her on how we can't afford to be buying extravagant diapers, but I will let her have it if she even goes there!

To top it all off, my ds went all last week with NO diapers at all, and then he spent Saturday night with her. She brought him home in disposable diapers again!!!!! I have to repotty train him!!!!
















I can totally understand why dh's brother and his wife have NOTHING to do with this woman.


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

: That's Horrible!!! Tell her how much they were! It's maddening when people think so little of cloth and people's opinions (as in not listening to you in the first place). It wasn't her place to do anything with them in the first place







:

I'm so sorry this happened to you!!!


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## hallesmom (Oct 27, 2003)

The nerve of her!!!!!!!
I'd even up the price a little bit!! :LOL if you're going to get a lecture anyway-might as well get paid for your time!








Sorry you have to deal with that.


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## mthomas (Mar 20, 2004)

OMG

She freakin' threw them away!!! That so sucks....like you said now you have to deal w/telling her how much they cost. Even tho they are TOTALLY worth not having your child in icky gel, and not having to change bedsheets, not to mention that they help facilitate potty training, people think stuff like that is not economical unless the dipes are like 1.00 each, kwim? I don't even tell people how much they cost, unless they are considering converting, and even then i am really careful how I phrase things.

I just cant get over it!! she threw them away!! Then she put him back in disposables. You're MIL sounds a lot like mine. She hasnt asked to keep Connor yet and I'm dreading it b/c I don't want him going. It's a fight waiting to happen. But I know as soon as she gets him in her wench-y hands she'll be shoving mashed potatoes down his throat...b/c he's 4 months old and she fed her babies cereal from one week on...yadda yadda. I"m soooooo sorry she pulled this sh#t on you!!


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## Carolinamidwife (Dec 18, 2001)

OMG!!! That's horrible. She definitely has some control issues.

If my dh shrugged something like that off I would repurchase everything and see if he shrugged at that.

I'm sorry your MIL is such a psycho hose-beast, I would not want anything to do with her either!


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Trust me, dh is not shrugging it off anymore, he is mad too. It was all he could take when DS came back this time peeing and pooping in his diapers again after all the PT struggle we have had. DS for the longest time would not use the potty on the weekends when Daddy was home, and then we would have to start over every Monday, but Saturday morning he made DH come in the bathroom and tell his poopie goodbye with him when he flushed. DH was so excited to see DS in underwear full time (even at night with no wet sheets!!), and then MIL completely undoes all our hard work in ONE NIGHT.

THen the way she just shrugged at me about the diapes and closed the door in my face while I stood there with my jaw on the floor.... DH agrees that there will be no more overnights with grandmom for a while.


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## 2much2luv (Jan 12, 2003)

Oh my heavens, she sounds insane!
I am super touchy and a jerk, but I would give her a bill for the diapers and NEVER let her be with my child again.







I have a pretty decent mother in law and my kids don't spend nights with her...but if she ever pulled crap like that they wouldn't see her ever.







I am so angry for you. I know it'll be hard to tell her how much they cost ( I can't imagine my MIL knowing how much I spend on diapers







) but please don't let it slide. Just mail her a bill or something. :LOL


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## detergentdiva (Oct 16, 2002)

Oh Cat I am so sorry. I would personally put a stop to ALL unsupervised visits. As much as it would hurt financially I would probably eat the loss of the trainers and get him pt'ed right away. Hopefully this one weekwend would not cause such a great set back.
I would call her or have dh call her and simply say until she can respect you, your property, and your child than unfortunately she would only be allowed supervised visits. Sounds harsh but if she is putting a potty trained child in pull ups than it makes me wonder if she is feeding him and burping him and so on.
Then if she throws away clothing, no matter what the type or cost, then it shows the respect she has for its owners








I am so sorry you have to go through this


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## TOmomma (Oct 19, 2003)

What a cow! Actually, I have a better word, but it's not very polite.

I wouldn't EVER let her be alone with my bebe with an attitude like that.


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## Nada (Oct 27, 2003)

I'm so sorry Cat.














I would be very upset too.

Nada


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## soccerchic21 (Jan 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hallesmom*
The nerve of her!!!!!!!
I'd even up the price a little bit!! :LOL if you're going to get a lecture anyway-might as well get paid for your time!








Sorry you have to deal with that.

Oh totally I would add at least 20%. That woman I am fuming over here for you! I can't believe her just throwing them away and then not listening to you and brining him home in disposables again!

It sounds like she is never going to listen to you. Ugh.


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## Book Addict Jen (Mar 1, 2004)

Time to cut off visits! I have & my life is so peaceful!

After 8 or so packs of diapers or pull ups, you will be spending more on disposable crap. So now you will have to fork it out again or pay for stuff you throw away. GGRRRR


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## Mavournin (Jul 9, 2002)

I think I'd kill anyone who threw away my cloth. My mom respects my decision to CD, and she's interested in learning about it - but she still thinks it's a little weird. But there is no way she'd toss my dipes.

It doesn't matter that your DS was potty trained (and I'm sorry you have to do it again) you could have saved those trainers for your baby. Make her pay. And maybe add a little extra in the total and get a special treat...


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

The thing is, we are on a very tight budget, and we were only able to justify the investment because of the hand-me-down factor since we have a baby in diapers as well.

I'm drafting an email to her with a bill right now. I'll let you all know how it goes. I plan to be polite and just send an itemized bill at first, then see how she responds.


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## kimisaur (Aug 13, 2003)

To reiterate what everyone else is saying too....I really wouldn't let her have her son for overnight visits. Besides the whole potty training and dipe issue, she very obviously has no respect for your things or you. She needs a strong wake-up call that she can't continue to get away with stuff like this, or it will only get worse. Waiting for the update.... ;-)

-Kimberly


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## Book Addict Jen (Mar 1, 2004)

I hope she pays up! IL's can be a pain in the butt!


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## yitlan (Dec 8, 2001)

I, too, would send a bill. I would even have your dh write the letter and have it all be from him!


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## sushigrrl (Apr 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cat_astrophe*
The thing is, we are on a very tight budget, and we were only able to justify the investment because of the hand-me-down factor since we have a baby in diapers as well.

I'm drafting an email to her with a bill right now. I'll let you all know how it goes. I plan to be polite and just send an itemized bill at first, then see how she responds.


Give her the bill, and don't tell her you're cutting off the overnight visits until after she pays up. Otherwise, it sounds like she might try to use the money as a bribe to get the privs back. And frankly, it isn't punishment, it's fact. She's proven to you that she cannot be trusted to respect your parenting decisions, so she can't be trusted to care for your child.


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## bokchoy (Jan 4, 2003)

I am so sorry your MIL is like that. Seems like she is into power plays or something







I mean, she could have thrown away your DS's clothes and bought him a new wardrobe, but she did this with cloth trainers which she apparently doesn't approve of







I hope she reimburses you appropriately so you won't be as angry anymore!


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## Carolinamidwife (Dec 18, 2001)

Yeah, I agree. I think she is being passive aggressive. She needs to respect ALL of your parenting choices.

I know I would never be able to let this go, it would drive me mad with fury.


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## tuffykenwell (Oct 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yitlan*
I am so lucky. My MIL either supports us or keeps her mouth shut. She may, occasionally, voice a concern, but it's always within the "it's your life and your decision" limits. I think the homebirth was received with a slightly raised eyebrow, but they accepted it and didn't make it an issue. Cloth was never an issue. Not having a crib was probably what raised the most concern, but even that was OK to deal with.

Our DHs must be brothers LOL! The only thing my MIL ever disagreed strongly with me about was food. She wanted me to start DS on food at 3 months and I told her no not until minimum six months. She started to *politely* argue and I just said look I know you did things differently with Jeff and yes he is incredibly healthy so obviously you did just fine but they recommend different things nowadays and I am going to go with the research on this one...she never asked again.

Steph


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## pilesoflaundry (Dec 9, 2003)

Oh no cat!







I agree with other poster's she is being passive agressive. I would send the bill, then cut out the visits. It really sucks that she not only tossed the trainers but then un-potty learned him on top of it!! I would have been







at her.


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## yitlan (Dec 8, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tuffykenwell*
Our DHs must be brothers LOL!

Hello, SIL! The only thing my MIL ever really kept on about was giving the babies water in the summer. Finally I told her that they USED to do that, but now they feel bf babies should be fine without any. Now, my MIL's mom is another story. Boy, she just KNOWS what's right. Fortunately, she doesn't feel comfortable enough to budge in TOO much with me! She says things to MIL, though...


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## Devine (May 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cat_astrophe*
I'm drafting an email to her with a bill right now. I'll let you all know how it goes. I plan to be polite and just send an itemized bill at first, then see how she responds.

Good luck getting an appropriate response from your MIL. My psychotic MIL doesn't even respond to my e-mails, but she sends me pictures of cats doing all sorts of funny things. I guess it's easy to look at cute pictures than to face reality.

Please keep us posted! I hope you get your $$ back, which you are entitled to whether you are broke or not! Good luck~!


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## crazy_eights (Nov 22, 2001)

I was going to respond with the obvious. WHY are you sending your child for overnight visits there? Uh-uh. No WAY would that fly here.


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## greenluv (Jul 26, 2002)

I can relate, really I can. My mom is sort of the same way. I haven't had her ruin my cloth for me, but I can't tell you how many outfits she's ruined for me by bleaching them. I've even found clothes my kids can still wear stashed away in her drawers because she wants to "save" them for my sisters kid! Um, hello?? My child is still using those!! Sad things is, I'm not nice about it. She just shrugs it off like it's no bid deal.









I'm sorry you have to deal with a person like this. It's so infuriating!


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Well, she hasn't responded to me, but she emailed my husband asking him to meet her for lunch and calling him a good father, which is exactly what she said to him the last time that she attacked me. We cut off contact for a really long time after that, and my dh would have been happy to never reinstate her grandmother's priveledges, but I am a forgiving soul. If she tries it again, it's over.

It's funny, everyone on dh's dad's side of the family (his parents are divorced) thinks his brother's wife is evil because she did not have his mom seated with the mothers at their wedding. I can totally understand that now.















:


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## bwylde (Feb 19, 2004)

Uh oh. It sounds like trouble brewing. Hopefully it won't go bad, but if she's continually doing things like this, you don't need that hassel







:


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## MiaPia (Aug 28, 2003)

OMG! I can't believe the frickin' audacity of that woman! I hope you hear from her soon, and that she has the decenty to be civil to you and gives you what she owes! And I agree you should tack on an extra 20% or so for the sheer inconvenience of it all!
What a witch!


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## Lucysmama (Apr 29, 2003)

I think you should just go to the lunch, too. Don't tell her. Just show up.







That way, if she wants to slam you, she can do it to your face.

So sorry you have to go through this.....family issues can be so stressful.


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## HRC121799 (Aug 8, 2003)

ahhhhh, creepy! Good luck to your dh...and I like the idea of you showing up at lunch too, hehehe!


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## stacey31 (Jul 4, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *yitlan*
I am so lucky. My MIL either supports us or keeps her mouth shut. She may, occasionally, voice a concern, but it's always within the "it's your life and your decision" limits. I think the homebirth was received with a slightly raised eyebrow, but they accepted it and didn't make it an issue. Cloth was never an issue. Not having a crib was probably what raised the most concern, but even that was OK to deal with.

Mine too~~~she is so great about trying hard to so things the way we do. Sometimes she has a lapse & lets the kids watch Cartoon Network & eat Skippy, :LOL, but she is super about keeping her mouth shut


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## etoilech (Mar 25, 2004)

you're a way bigger person than me because I would have given her a good boot in the hole. I like the idea regarding the depends







. That would fix that conniving







. Hope you get your money... increase the total by 20% and add interest daily... it's only FAIR. MUhahahahhahahaa!








:

Olivia


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## ObsessiveAndrea (Aug 14, 2003)

I would also charge her for allt he pullups/diapers you had to buy while she was out of town.


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## imp&pixie (May 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *cat_astrophe*
We may just have to cut out overnight visits until he is potty trained completely.

This is what I would have done the first time my child visited and returned without a diaper/underwear. In fact, I doubt I would allow her ever to watch my child for more than a few hours. The way you describe her she has no business watching your precious child. I would also, in this case, do what another poster suggested and save your receipts for the sposies and be sure to get reimbursed by her.


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## LittleIslandMom (Feb 2, 2004)

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. I totally understand what it's like to have to deal with a MIL who constantly tries to undermine your parenting efforts because they're different from hers (yeah, 40 years ago!) or who makes snarky comments etc.

Mine was digging around for all our old sposies and then buying more until I hid them all and told her the gel stuff was unhealthy for DS. But she still hates the cloth - strange isn't it. I guess maybe she can't understand why I would not have the convenience of sposies that she in her time could not.

I have to live with the in-laws and admittedly, apart from these irksome issues she has been a real help with DS because we both work, so could not do without her. So I just put up with the weird stuff, try to short-circuit whatever I can catch, and try not to worry overly much about what I can't catch - otherwise it would drive me bananas.

Apart from that, I usually ignore the cloth-diaper related comments or just smile in response.


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

Thanks for all the support, you ladies are great.

She keeps emailing my husband at work asking him to call her or have lunch with her. So far he has ignored her because he is tired of her games. He says he will tell her that today. I would love to be able to see the look on her face.

No, neither of my kids will be left alone with her again, at least not for more than a couple hours at a time AFTER they are potty trained. When we left DS withe her, I told him that he could call me if he needed me, and after 4 hours of crying she still refused to let him call me!! She said, "yeah, he was FINE after that, he just needed to get it out of his system."....for FOUR HOURS?!?! And: "he only asked to call you because you told him he could. He took what you said and threw it back at me." Imagine that... he feels so safe and loved with me that he wants to be with me, I must have done something terribly wrong to make him like that. I have allready promised him that he doesn't have to spend the night up there again if he doesn't want to (which he doesn't).


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## cat_astrophe (Sep 22, 2003)

I just don't know what to say.....

MDC is a wonderful place. After this thread, I recieved 3 pairs of trainers and 6 pocket diapers, which is more than we had to begin with.







THis is a beautiful community. The trainers were signed "the diaper fairy", but I know who sent them, I think. I tried to send a thank you PM, but her box was full, so I'll say it here, THANK YOU!!!





















I thanked the mom who sent the pockets privately, but I want to send a public thank you to her as well. I am overwhelmed. I have seen generosity like this here before, but this is the first time I have been on the recieving end of it. Thank you to all of you.

I have not heard from MIL, and really don't expect to. She didn't even bother to call dh on his birthday Saturday. She keeps emailing him wanting to talk to him privately, though.







Sheesh.


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## Debsy (Feb 23, 2004)

Awww that's so awesome!!







We love you and I hope things continue to improve for you and your MIL just doesn't even have a clue on what she's missing out on!!!







s


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## DreamingMama (Apr 18, 2003)

how wonderful. Your MIL sounds like a doofus! Meddling too. LOL! Her ears must be buzzing. I am so glad people here came together for you. Community love is awesome.


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## stacey31 (Jul 4, 2002)

I am so happy for you mama!!!









I kept thinking about someone possibly throwing away Henry's diapers & getting sick to my stomach!! You must be furious!!

Now that I know she lets her grandchild cry for 4 hours, I like her even less!!!
So glad you got some replacements~~I cannot tell you how much these boards have helped me









Hugs to you!!
Hang in there!


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