# If you cosleep, do you go to bed at the same time as your kids?



## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Just out of curiosity...


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## new2this (Feb 11, 2010)

We no longer co sleep, however DD was in the pack n play for about an hour or two before we headed to bed. At that time she normally woke up for her first feeding and then came to bed with us.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

We no longer cosleep, but I voted no. I would if I was exhausted, or (with real little babies) if they happened to be up late and ready for bed around the same time I was. Most of the time, though, the kids were in bed several hours before I was.


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## steph66 (Jul 7, 2005)

I voted generally no, for both of my kids. I agree with the PP who said if they were up late or had little babies or were utterly exhausted, then I'd go to bed with them. I use "my" time after they're in bed to watch shows with my partner, surf the net, do dishes, clothes etc. And just really enjoy some time without two little critters crawling around on me!


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## Honey693 (May 5, 2008)

My kids go to bed at 1030 and it's not unheard of for me to still be up at 2. Sometimes I'll stay in bed and read while they're snuggled up next to me, but more often I'm picking up around the house or interneting.


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## katelove (Apr 28, 2009)

Nope. I did when she was tiny but that was because she would sleep the first part of the evening with us in the lounge room. Then we'd all go to bed when she woke for a feed around 10ish.

Now, I feed her to sleep in our bed around 6ish and then get up. DH and I have a nice, quiet evening together (between feeds) and we join her in bed again around 10ish.

It's lovely to have that quiet time in the evenings. I really miss it if she goes to bed late.


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## HopefulJo (Dec 28, 2009)

I voted yes. Our DS is still little, and he'll fall asleep in arms or in the swing while we're relaxing for the evening, and I actually carry him to bed when we go to bed. A few times, I've nursed him down in bed, then gotten up again, but that doesn't usually go well.


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## springbride (Nov 5, 2008)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *new2this*
> 
> We no longer co sleep, however DD was in the pack n play for about an hour or two before we headed to bed. At that time she normally woke up for her first feeding and then came to bed with us.


This is exactly what we did with DD and will do with this little guy as soon as he decides it's time to come join us *EDD is today * <---- just had to share


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## Birdie B. (Jan 14, 2008)

Definitely not. She goes down around 9, and I enjoy having a couple of hours to myself or with my husband. If I'm really tired or sick or something, I'll go down with her, and sometimes I fall asleep while putting her down, but normally we join her in bed later on.


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## Calicara (May 19, 2011)

Thanks for posting; I had the same question, though I'd also like to know how people put their babies down beforehand? Right now we swaddle our 9 month old and I nurse her to sleep in the middle of our bed. I'd like to transition the first part of the night (from 8-11 or so) by placing her in pack-n-play or crib. When I nurse her to sleep and try to place her in the crib, she wakes up and cries. Can't seem to get her to stay asleep in the crib without fussing (she is quite persistant). Any ideas to help with this transition? We are fine with her sleeping with us once we go to bed, but it would be nice to have some extra time at night. I should note that one of us sleeps with her during nap-time during the day in our bed.


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## greenmulberry (Jan 11, 2009)

I nurse DD (4 month old) down to sleep in my bed and then I usually get up and take care of some extra things before coming back to bed in an hour or so.

Occasionally, if I don't have any chores to take care of I might lay next to her and watch TV in bed.


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## elisheva (May 30, 2006)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Calicara*
> 
> Thanks for posting; I had the same question, though I'd also like to know how people put their babies down beforehand? Right now we swaddle our 9 month old and I nurse her to sleep in the middle of our bed. I'd like to transition the first part of the night (from 8-11 or so) by placing her in pack-n-play or crib. When I nurse her to sleep and try to place her in the crib, she wakes up and cries. Can't seem to get her to stay asleep in the crib without fussing (she is quite persistant). Any ideas to help with this transition? We are fine with her sleeping with us once we go to bed, but it would be nice to have some extra time at night. I should note that one of us sleeps with her during nap-time during the day in our bed.


Honestly? I put mine in the middle of the king-sized bed. We have bedrails on both sides. If you're concerned that you'd like the use of the bed while she sleeps...we use other locations...


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## Ansley (Mar 27, 2011)

I used to go to bed at the same time as DD. That was when she was going to bed around 9-9:30. Now though, she goes down at 7 every night and sometimes I am at work until 9:30. She still sleeps with me most of the time...she falls asleep in her own bed (which is in my room) and then she gets in my bed around 11 each night.


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## MJB (Nov 28, 2009)

My school-aged kids coslept until 5 and 2 (all the time-- didn't even have their own beds) and I almost never went to sleep at the same time as them. My 11 mo. old sleeps in her own bed for the first half of the night and cosleeps for the second half-- I obviously don't go to sleep at the same time as her. I really, really need grown-up time after the kids go to sleep.


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## midwifema (Jun 22, 2011)

I read Pantley's the "no cry sleep solution book" she gave some good tips about getting baby used to sleeping in a crib/bed for naps, bedtime. My 4 month old baby would only sleep in our arms or right next to me in our bed and with the tips in the book, we've managed to get him to sleep in his co-sleeper before I go to bed and I bring him back into family bed with me when I go to sleep. I worry less about him when he is in the co-sleeper rather than in our bed alone. Sears sleep book also has some good tips. They both discuss things like wearing baby down in a sling and carefully transferring feet first onto a warm sheet, using white noise so they don't wake up, bedtime routines and putting the baby to bed drowsy but awake so they get used to falling asleep in the crib/co-sleeper rather than in your arms/nursing. Pantley also has a good section about removing the pacifier or breast before they are fully asleep so they don't get dependent on these. Our baby would wake up as soon as the pacifier fell out when he napped but now he spits it out - it's pretty funny. I think putting baby down drowsy but awake and getting them used to falling asleep on their own is key to getting them to sleep sometimes alone, also because they have 20 minute sleep cycles (the books explain this) and so if they stir and you are not there they will wake up every 20 minutes if not used to going to sleep solo. Good luck!


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## teraze (Apr 6, 2011)

Sweet DS is now 7 and half months and I nurse him to sleep in our king bed. I then join him when DH goes to sleep, somewhere between 10 and 11, and we sleep together until DS wakes up anywhere between 6:45 - 7:45.

Until a few months ago, though, DS was with me WHEREVER I was... But he would sleep through anything - it was so suitable. Missing those days and that sweet little newborn already. (But obviously loving our fun bigboy!)


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## littlegreenlady (Nov 24, 2009)

I stayed in bed with my son for the first year.

I would listen to books on an ipod, or go to sleep.

It was kind of weird going to bed at 7-8, but I needed the rest.

He has always woken up really easily, so it was just easier for me to stick around. I would lay down with him at nap time also.

Whenever it came up most people thought I was nuts, or suggested solutions.

I really didn't mind (usually)

It started to get to me around his first birthday, so i began leaving him on the bed alone a little at a time.

Now he naps alone on the bed waking up once or twice to nurse during his 2-3 hour nap.

At night it can take a long time to get him to go down and sometimes I fall asleep in the process.

He still wakes if there is a lot of noise, but I usually get up to get some work done on the computer at night.

so I voted generally no, but I'm thinking it's probably more 50/50

he is 20 months old


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## Llyra (Jan 16, 2005)

I coslept with all mine for at least a year. No, I did not go to bed the same time as them, except for in the very earliest months. By four months, my kids were going to bed substantially earlier than I was. I would nurse them or rock them down, and then leave them to sleep until I came to bed. Once they were mobile, we were sleeping on a futon mattress placed directly on the floor, in a babyproofed room, so I did not hesitate to leave them.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

no. Even when my son was infant we didn't. He was going to bed at 6:30!! I was barely getting home from work. Even as a toddler/older kid it was "off to bed, big kiss and see you soon".

He went thru stages when he had trouble sleeping, I would lay down with him and promptly fall asleep myself, LOL but those were few and far between.


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## Refuging (Jun 16, 2010)

I've been trying not to, but it's actually nice to get the cuddle time in since I work full time during the day.


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## JoyFilled (Sep 12, 2008)

I'm shocked by the number of no's. How do you do it?

DD fell asleep in my arms while watching TV up until about 15 months. Then I had to go to bed with her. And if I am lying down to get her to sleep I generally fall asleep. She's 26 months now and something needs to change, still trying to figure out what and how.


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## whozeyermamma (Oct 11, 2007)

I checked "no" because the times I got to sleep with him are when I choose to not because I need to. Of course, he's lately done this late afternoon nap so he's going to bed around 10 (!) so those nights I'll go to sleep with him b/c I'm tired!

I nurse him until he's asleep and then he takes the binky and then I'll hold him a while before I can lay him down. He sleeps on a queen mattress on the floor in our room.


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## l3erly (Feb 5, 2010)

...


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## weliveintheforest (Sep 3, 2005)

Usually not. Sometimes we fall asleep putting them to bed, or if dh is away I might just go to bed with them, but generally I would put them down and come to bed later.


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## Deepfeet (Nov 19, 2010)

Nope, there was a time, but it was mostly out of my complete exhaustion and wanting to spend some extra dream-time with our new family member - now 4 1/2mos. Generally DS goes to bed around 8:30, followed by me around 10:30, followed by DH around 11:30-12-1am, depending on the weekday.


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## arieltron (Jan 27, 2011)

I have a thermarest, which is a lightweight sleeping pad for camping, I put DD to sleep on that, and then I'll bring her into bed after she wakes up. Generally a hour or two after I go to bed. The sleeping pad is the only thing that works. I can never get the pack-n-play or crib to work.


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## brennan (Feb 1, 2009)

For the first 6 months, dd wouldn't sleep unless I was with her, so I would bring my laptop to bed an watch movies while dd slept. We just stopped cosleeping, but from 6 months to 2 1/2yrs I would put her down to sleep and then I would leave. She goes to sleep at 7 so I'm not going to sleep then, unless I'm sick.


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## aHikaru (Apr 12, 2011)

Great question 

I co sleep in the same room as AE and I put her to bed at 830-900 and I don't go to bed until 12, then we both wake up at 8-9


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## Brandybutter (Jun 5, 2011)

No, but my 16 mo DS thinks we have the same bedtime! I nurse him to sleep in our bed and get up when I can. I usually only have 30-60 min before he'll wake up, noticing I'm not there. So, if I need to finish something downstairs, I do that right away (monitor in hand) and go back up ASAP. Then I do my yoga practice and meditate near the bed so I can quickly nurse him back down. Someday I hope he will relax about my proximity and just keep sleeping, knowing that I'm nearby!


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## sarahquinn (Nov 29, 2010)

I lay down with DS and nurse him to sleep in our bed around 7:30 and he's good for a few hours until we come to bed. He's 9 months though so he can go longer at night without nursing.


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## lookatreestar (Apr 14, 2008)

depends, i usually read stories and lay with them (nursing the younger mostly) they both fall asleep and i sneak out. sometimes i do fall asleep if i was up too late the night before. or sometimes nursing just knocks me out


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## teenajo (May 12, 2009)

i didn't vote cuz there wasn't a box for "sometimes, depends on how tired we both are"

My boy (don't understand the acronym thing - are y'all saying DS for dear son or something?) is 2.5 and i still stay in bed with him until he is asleep for every nap and nighttime. Some might call me crazy but 98% of the time i don't mind. He is my one and only child and i had almost 40 years of going to bed whenever i wanted so now it's my time to nurture this amazing human. Ask me in a year and i might be singing a different tune, but it works for me now mostly. We are in the crazy time of transitioning out of naps so if he has one and then is awake really late i fall asleep with him, sometimes i think before him!, and if he hasn't had one he'll fall asleep more like 8 o'clock and then i get up and it's so lovely.


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## Tamsyn (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes! I am actually surprised at how many no votes there are. Getting the kids to go to bed on their own is hard enough when they are in another room, but they all are in my room, and getting them to go to bed when I'm still up is a real battle that I decided that I don't want to fight. I go to bed with the kids around 10. Nursing the baby always puts me to sleep anyway. I'm a morning person, so I do get my "adult" time when I get up, and they sleep in. My husband often goes to bed much later doing work, then he sleeps in with the kids. Sometimes he will wake me up when he comes to bed and we'll have some adult time together. Yep, that's how we do it at our house, and it works great for us.


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## CatsCradle (May 7, 2007)

It depends. My DD doesn't go to bed until about 10 pm. If I'm exhausted, sometimes I'll fall asleep to and not get back up. Those hours between 10 pm and midnight are really precious to me though for getting things done or just unwinding with DH. Often DD will fall asleep and then I'll get back up for a few hours to spend some time talking with DH or getting ready for the next day. We have a new kitten and she requires some loving and attention after DD goes to bed. She sleeps all day and then is a live wire at night!


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## CBEmomma (Oct 24, 2010)

Nope. ds1 goes to bed first. He is no longer in the family bed, but he's still in the room. He likes to "warm up" the bed for us. He brushes his teeth, reads a few stories and then gets into the family bed on my side. Then about 10 minutes later ds2 goes to bed. Brush teeth, story, nurse. ds2 goes to sleep in the family bed still. Then a few hours later I'll go to bed. I'll put ds1 in his bed and get into my side, usually at that point ds2 is ready to nurse again. Then about 30ish minutes later DH will come to bed. He likes to take the dogs for a late walk before bed.


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## Fireflyx (Apr 24, 2011)

Nope - it's the only time I really get to do anything - like cook dinner. I go to bed about 2-3 hours after him - he usually wakes up to nurse when I go to bed so it works out.

edit: He's in bed at 7:30 - 8pm


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## BlueSkyDay (Mar 10, 2011)

My son starts out in his crib and then often comes in with us in the middle of the night. So, everyone who puts baby to sleep in their bed and then leaves for adult time, how do you make your bed safe for baby without you there? We don't have bed rails and I worry he'd roll off the bed.


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## littlegreenlady (Nov 24, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *BlueSkyDay*
> 
> My son starts out in his crib and then often comes in with us in the middle of the night. So, everyone who puts baby to sleep in their bed and then leaves for adult time, how do you make your bed safe for baby without you there? We don't have bed rails and I worry he'd roll off the bed.


Our bed is on the floor. We put sheep furs on the floor, and a body pillow where the bed meets the floor to "break" a fall.

We made a special frame for our mattress shortly after he was born so that we could be on the floor.


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## contactmaya (Feb 21, 2006)

We plan to go to bed at the same time. Sometimes one or the other child falls asleep before i do. But once im in bed, they want to join me, if if they continue to play for a couple of minutes. I cant imagine the hassle of doing it any other way.


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

I don't co-sleep anymore, but when I did my dd and I were asleep at the same time. Even now I don't stay up much longer than she does usually.


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## lotusmama2006 (Feb 25, 2008)

We all get ready for bed together. Boys go to bed at 9 o'clock. Hubby and I go to bed when we're tired. We regularly rise at 5am and have quiet time in the early part of the day.


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## AnnaBees Mama (Jul 9, 2011)

8mo DD goes to sleep sometime between 7:30 and 11, DH goes to bed between 9 and midnight, and I'm up until past midnight most evenings. So no, we don't go to bed at the same time. However, DD has gone through phases where she couldn't sleep without me next to her, so in those situations I gave up my late nights to sleep with her.


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## Thing1Thing2 (Apr 30, 2008)

My 3 year old DS goes to bed around 9ish. DH and I go to bed around 11. Once my little guy is out - I can pretty much have a party in his room and he won't wake up.







It hasn't always been like that though, and when he was younger I had to go to sleep with him or he'd be up every 15 minutes.


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## Erinla (Nov 13, 2009)

Either my husband or I go to bed with our babe - but sometimes (unless I'm exhausted) not to sleep.

I'll read or have the laptop in bed but I hang out with the kiddo as we haven't invested in monitors.

Interesting thread, I was wondering what others do.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

"Generally No" for us too. DC co-slept with us for 5 solid years and then on and off for a couple after that. We now have another baby who sleeps with us as well. I know with DC#1 we did all kinds of different things depending on all of our needs. I remember lots of times that DC would fall asleep with us in the living areas of the house. Lots of sling sleep. I remember a long, long time of me using my laptop in bed while she fell asleep and me getting up after. Then there was the glory days of her going to sleep to a book on tape and us being in another room - heaven! DC#2 is a little easier (or we are more relaxed!) and she goes to bed at about 7:30 and I go downstairs and listen for her on a monitor. I hated the idea of a monitor with DC#1 but I love it with the second baby.


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