# Would you allow her to keep the child? update in #51



## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

A 13 yr old girl in my dd's school had a baby last January. SHe wanted to keep it. She would have been pregnant at 12, because she turned 13 just before the baby was born.

The 13 yr old is living with her Great Grandmother, because both the 13 yr old's parents and maternal grandparents were deemed unfit.

The 13 yr old has been removed from the public school system because of behavior problems and lack of effort. She cannot return to her public school district, but CAN attend an alternative school, but refuses to do the work there, so she failed 7th grade last year.

Great Grandma is in her late 70s.

What would YOU do, in this same position.... imagine, you are 70, and you are this teen's last hope before foster care. Would you have allowed her to keep the child?


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

I wouldn't even dare to believe it was my choice, unless she was neglecting or abusing the baby.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Anyway, the girl refused to give the baby up. So, Great Grandma put both the girl and the baby into foster care. The foster Mother wont keep the 13 yr old because of more behavior problems. Apparently she keeps sneaking or going out to be with her boyfreind, and leaves the baby with the foster mother.

So, at what point will an adult step in and take the baby away from this kid?


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## ktbug (Jul 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
I wouldn't even dare to believe it was my choice, unless she was neglecting or abusing the baby.









:

This story seems pulled straight out of 1955. Kicked out of school, sent away, etc etc. Though don't misunderstand me - it sounds like this girl's life is pretty horrible to begin with. It won't be easy for Great-grandmother, I can bet.

Phew.







: 'scuse me, I'm going to take a moment to be grateful for what I have.


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## lillbeetle (Apr 2, 2007)

WOW-
not that my two cents are worth anything, but it seems like maybe open adoption would be best for everyone concerned. Maybe there is a family that could adopt them both? I'm probably just crazy.
A situation like this makes my want to scream and cry and love them both with all my heart.
Really tough, huh.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
I wouldn't even dare to believe it was my choice, unless she was neglecting or abusing the baby.


I am torn too.

But, at 70, I don't think I could raise an infant again.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ktbug* 







:

This story seems pulled straight out of 1955. Kicked out of school, sent away, etc etc. Though don't misunderstand me - it sounds like this girl's life is pretty horrible to begin with. It won't be easy for Great-grandmother, I can bet.

Phew.







: 'scuse me, I'm going to take a moment to be grateful for what I have.

No, she was kicked out of school because she was not doing any of the work, being violent, bringing lighters to school etc... this was before or right around the time she became pregnant. It had nothing directly to do with the pregnancy. The baby's father goes to the high school near the elementary.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

In most states, she was legally emacipated the minute her baby was born, at least in terms of parenting decisions. There is no "allowing" her to do anything regarding her baby -- it's her choice.

My SIL just had her baby a week ago. She's 14. And she's doing a great job as a parent. Everything I read and everyone I talked to before she gave birth said that parents who have their babies so young need a lot of support. And even moreso than older teens, when given enough positive support and room to parent, they tend to do a good job. But support is critical; without it, the failure rate is pretty high.


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
So, at what point will an adult step in and take the baby away from this kid?

No adult can just step in a remove this girl's child. Removal would have to go through proper CPS channels, just like for any other parent, and be based on abuse or neglect.


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## Unreal (Dec 15, 2002)

it sounds like she doesn't have any decent role models to present a positive future to her....
At that age....mix the immortality complex with the hormones...and add in not seeing anything good in the world...and you have a kid not going anywhere good fast.

In a dream world I would rather see her and the babe stay with supportive family--foster or blood--and have a devoted mentor who encouraged her to experience new things, without concern for a budget of course *sigh*, and also model positive parenting...

thats in a dream world.

In reality, I guess I would ask her to list the pros and cons of keeping the baby vs giving the baby up for adoption
and then really talk about all the reasons listed...

but the likelihood of that?


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Unreal* 
In a dream world I would rather see her and the babe stay with supportive family--foster or blood--and have a devoted mentor who encouraged her to experience new things, without concern for a budget of course *sigh*, and also model positive parenting...

but the likelihood of that?


But, at this point, she is too far gone, and everything she does is the "wrong thing". Her life doesn't matter enough to make this baby's life any different.

SO, even the most supportive of families, would have to be saints to deal with her.

Maybe she will come around, if she thinks CPS could to take the baby. Maybe she will make the choice for herself. I don't know.

Sometimes, we just get up one day and decide to change.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

too far gone?

uke

This is a child raising a child, she needs support not condemnation....

The only people that should take a child away from their mother is CPS and that is if there is a viable reason.

It is not up to an adult to just up and kidnap a mothers child. That is what it is, kidnapping. Sadly if that happens the mother probably wont be told her rights or how to press charges.

Obviously this young woman is going through problems, obviously her home life was not the best and that is not excuses for neglecting your child, but if you are 13 with a child and you do not have a good support system set up then you are not going to know what to do with the responsibility.

From working with troubled teens this question makes me uke


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## Starr (Mar 16, 2005)

I would see if someone could find a foster home or mentor willing to take in both her and her baby. Someone who will take an interest in both of their lives and encourage her to finish school. I understand the grandmothers POV about not being around forever but really it is no ones decision what she should do with the baby. I think its a special situation type of foster home although I'm sure its been done before.


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## Unreal (Dec 15, 2002)

I was hell on wheels when i was that age








I did get pg at 13, but had an abortion...not proud of that, but it is what it is...

I ended up on PINS
I cut school more than I went to school
I was drinking and smoking a lot...

What turned me around? People believing in me and giving me opportunity after opportunity to show I could do something with myself.
sports and JROTC were probably the two biggest things that helped...
I pulled my head out of my rear just around when I turned 16.

fwiw...A HUGE part of my descent into hell was depression...
hitting puberty sent my brain into absolute chaos. I hated myself. I hated everything around me. The world was gray and I would do anything I had to for stimulation, to make sure I was still really there.

So that is where I'm coming from...
I know how close everyone was to giving up on me
I shudder to think where I would be if things hadn't worked out like they did


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Unreal* 
ISo that is where I'm coming from...
I know how close everyone was to giving up on me
I shudder to think where I would be if things hadn't worked out like they did










I don't think Great Grandma gave up on her, but she couldn't take care of an infant, so I THINK (but I don't know this) that she gave 13 yr old a choice. Go back into foster care, or give the baby to a family.

Personally, I think 13 yr old was far too much for Great Grandma in the first place, and that was part of the problem. GG couldn't keep her at home, so it spiraled from there.

When the girls were in 4th grade, she still lived with her Grandma, and then Grandma lost custody. SHe has an older sister who is in prison. So, there really isn't any other family around.

I honestly do not think she will find the help she needs here. Everybody is willing to take the baby, Nobody is willing to take the teenager. I don't think we have all those programs like you had. Maybe we do.

She and the baby are already in the foster system, so I guess basically, CPS is already in charge of the baby.


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
She and the baby are already in the foster system, so I guess basically, CPS is already in charge of the baby.

Yes, because mom is a minor, but when mom is 18 the baby is still *hers* to raise.

-Angela


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

Separating those two would probably really end up being a cruelty. Sometimes it might be the lesser of two evils. I would think that would be rarely.


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## ananas (Jun 6, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
I wouldn't even dare to believe it was my choice, unless she was neglecting or abusing the baby.

I agree. It's absolutely nobody's choice but the mothers, no matter what the circumstances are, unless the baby is in danger.


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## Jessy1019 (Aug 6, 2006)

Agreed, it is HER choice. I would probably have suggested abortion if it were my daughter/granddaughter, but no matter if I were 90 years old and on my death bed, I would not want to see her surrender her baby to adoption. We would find some way for them to get by, with support rather than condemnation.

She wants to be a mother. It sounds like she just needs someone to believe in her.


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## mommy68 (Mar 13, 2006)

I wouldn't be in this type of situation you are referring to. I am a good parent to my children and would never be deemed unfit. So I really can't answer that particular question. This poor 13 y o was obviously having sex because she had no correct parental figure in the home, how very sad.









However, if my own child were to get pregnant after being raised the way I'm currently raising her then we would go through that time together and decide what to do and help her through it. I wouldn't desert her or try to make her feel bad for her choices. I would be there for her.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jessy1019* 
Agreed, it is HER choice. I would probably have suggested abortion if it were my daughter/granddaughter, but no matter if I were 90 years old and on my death bed, I would not want to see her surrender her baby to adoption. We would find some way for them to get by, with support rather than condemnation.

She wants to be a mother. It sounds like she just needs someone to believe in her.

Yep same here.


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## AMagicalWishxoxo (Jan 24, 2007)

I am around her age although 17 but got pregnant at 16. I don't want to give up my child either. But I do think that if she has behavior issues especially with sneaking around ect and getting kicked out of school that I wouldn't let her keep it and give the baby up for adoption. As much as I would never do that, I just think it's unfair to the baby that her mom is being like this. I am still in school, and I am going to be a senior next year and trying to get into UCLA and that is why I am keeping my baby. Because I know I will be able to support her now and especially on my own after Highschool. This girl got kicked out of Junior High, which to me is very irresponsible and her baby shouldn't have to be effected by it. Which in my opinion, yes she should give the baby up. It would help both of them in the long run.

<33 Italy


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

There are so many options beyond regular school.

She is, by law, entitled in most states to accommadation. She has a RIGHT to an education.

And usually, that means something as simple as a doctor's note stating she has to stay home with the baby would make her eligible for a home tutor.


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## AMagicalWishxoxo (Jan 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breathless Wonder* 
There are so many options beyond regular school.

She is, by law, entitled in most states to accommadation. She has a RIGHT to an education.

And usually, that means something as simple as a doctor's note stating she has to stay home with the baby would make her eligible for a home tutor.

Very true. I am getting a home tutor for the months of September thru December. And will be back to graduate January thru June

But it seems that this girl doesn't really care about how she is acting and the way she is.

<33 Italy


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## bellymama (Apr 15, 2007)

"allow"? its her baby. i wouldn't be worried about allowing it, i would be worried about helping her out.


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## DreamsInDigital (Sep 18, 2003)

If it were my daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, I would support her choice 100% whether to keep (or not) the baby, and if she was not doing well in school I would consider homeschooling her so she could be home with her baby.
Even if I was 70 years old.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DreamsInDigital* 
If it were my daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter, I would support her choice 100% whether to keep (or not) the baby, and if she was not doing well in school I would consider homeschooling her so she could be home with her baby.
Even if I was 70 years old.


I would like to think that I would. But, SOMETHING went wrong in that family many years ago. It started somewhere. If the Grandparents AND the parents of this child (and her older sister) have lost custody of their kids, then something is seriously wrong here.

In the end, I do agree with what Great Grandma is doing. She can't control the teenager. She can't raise an infant. The teen doesn't want to be controlled. The older sister is in prison....There isn't much more this woman can handle. So, she let them both go.

But the foster care Mother can't handle her either. So, SHE is letting her go. The young mother isn't taking care of the baby. The foster mother is taking care of the baby.

I am not blaming the 13 yr old for the life she has. I have known her since 4th grade, and in those years, she was pulled out of school, put back in, taken from her MOm, given back, taken again, given to the Grandparents, taken away, given to the G-Granma, sent away to foster care, kicked out of there....

I am sure that when the school held parents nights or picture day, or field day, or field trips, she looked at all the Moms and Dads who adored their child and were beaming with pride.... she had nobody. She has a right to feel angry.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Breathless Wonder* 
There are so many options beyond regular school.

She is, by law, entitled in most states to accommadation. She has a RIGHT to an education.

And usually, that means something as simple as a doctor's note stating she has to stay home with the baby would make her eligible for a home tutor.

Absolutley! But, she wont do it. She just doesn't want to.


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## beansricerevolt (Jun 29, 2005)

This is such a sad situation.

She _is_ neglecting her baby if she sneaks off.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Apparently she keeps sneaking or going out to be with her boyfreind, and leaves the baby with the foster mother.

She is still a baby herself. There is no way she is capable of raising this child herself or with a "parent" who doesn't really care.

I've seen this happen to a friend as well. It was really awful. The mama was on drugs and would just leave the babe with GM and not return for days







When you *see* this happen in front of you, you so just want the mama to give the baby up to a healthy family. But with my friend, she wanted to keep the baby too. It was almost as if she wanted to "play house" and then she'd come home for a few days and leave again. Luckly, her grandmother was able to raise the babe. Im unsure what happened to them. I lost touch.


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## Blu Razzberri (Sep 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
....She and the baby are already in the foster system, so I guess basically, CPS is already in charge of the baby.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Yes, because mom is a minor, but when mom is 18 the baby is still *hers* to raise...

Ok, as separate entities, they are both in foster care. So baby is safe in foster care as an individual until mom is 18. But mom as an individual is in foster care too; and needs treatment as an individual. Perhaps there are (what's the word I'm looking for? If this one's wrong, replace with the right one) institutions (...?) that can help her turn it around before she ends up in jail. If she stays on this path, she'll probably lose the baby. But if they can find structured help for her, then maybe she will change and become a good parent by the time it's her time to "take over".








: I hope it works out for the best; and that she gets the help she desperately needs. I think baby will be fine either way.


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## Jmo780 (May 3, 2006)

i


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## myjulybabes (Jun 24, 2003)

Please tell me the foster mom who is kicking out the 13 yr old will NOT be allowed to keep the baby?? They need to stay together, and someone needs to HELP this kid, it sounds like enough people have given up on her and condemned her. Maybe she doesn't act any better because noone expects any better from her, including herself. Maybe she needs to hear "yes, you can raise this baby, and you can do a good job!" instead of being pressured to make adoption arrangements.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *myjulybabes* 
Please tell me the foster mom who is kicking out the 13 yr old will NOT be allowed to keep the baby?? They need to stay together, and someone needs to HELP this kid, it sounds like enough people have given up on her and condemned her. Maybe she doesn't act any better because noone expects any better from her, including herself. Maybe she needs to hear "yes, you can raise this baby, and you can do a good job!" instead of being pressured to make adoption arrangements.

From the impression I got from Great Grandma, that the baby and the girl are being moved together, as they would for siblings. They are trying to keep them in one home.

BUT, if the 13 yr old goes to the group home, they will take the baby and put him in foster care seperately. The group home is almost like a juvinile hall facility with locked doors, but most of them go to a public school. Those that cannot be in school study in the group home and turn in their work on the computer.

I stood outside talking to G-Grandma til after 11:00 p.m last night. My knees are killing me from standing so long. She told me she is 63. LOL I just guessed at 70. I feel bad now.







G-Grandma's hands were shaking really bad all evening. What would make her shake like that?


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## Mama Poot (Jun 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
From the impression I got from Great Grandma, that the baby and the girl are being moved together, as they would for siblings. They are trying to keep them in one home.

G-Grandma's hands were shaking really bad all evening. What would make her shake like that?


I hope they stay together. G-Grandma sounds like she could have Parkinson's disease, which is a progressive disease that only gets worse over time. If this is the case, no wonder she is having trouble caring for the kids.


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## beansricerevolt (Jun 29, 2005)

Statistics show that what this girl has been through will happen to the babe. Its a terrible cycle, one thats often the cause of oppression.
It sounds like this child has no desire to want help for the two of them. I pray im wrong.








If I were able to help steer her in any direction, I would choose open adoption.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthmama369* 
In most states, she was legally emacipated the minute her baby was born, at least in terms of parenting decisions. There is no "allowing" her to do anything regarding her baby -- it's her choice.

My SIL just had her baby a week ago. She's 14. And she's doing a great job as a parent. Everything I read and everyone I talked to before she gave birth said that parents who have their babies so young need a lot of support. And even moreso than older teens, when given enough positive support and room to parent, they tend to do a good job. But support is critical; without it, the failure rate is pretty high.


A question. No judgement, no snarky remarks, just a question.

Since a teen mother, even at 12-13 is considered emancipated, and equal to an adult, what if her parents or the parents of the boy involved refuse to pay their way in life and/OR there is no one else? Does the govt.actually give 12-13 yr olds apartments, or some kind of housing, like with an older teen friend I once had, and money to live on? Do they both go into foster care?


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *hip_mama* 
This is such a sad situation.

She _is_ neglecting her baby if she sneaks off.

She is still a baby herself. There is no way she is capable of raising this child herself or with a "parent" who doesn't really care.

I've seen this happen to a friend as well. It was really awful. The mama was on drugs and would just leave the babe with GM and not return for days







When you *see* this happen in front of you, you so just want the mama to give the baby up to a healthy family. But with my friend, she wanted to keep the baby too. It was almost as if she wanted to "play house" and then she'd come home for a few days and leave again. Luckly, her grandmother was able to raise the babe. Im unsure what happened to them. I lost touch.

I have to agree with you.


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## zeldabee (Aug 23, 2004)

Wow. What a sad story. I so feel for that little girl and her baby. I was in foster homes at that age, no baby, thank god. I was so out of control and so terribly unhappy.

I knew not one but 2 girls at that time who'd had babies, and the babies were taken away and put into foster care, and there didn't seem to be any effort made to keep them together. One girl shared a room with me, and she'd been on the run with her toddler and his father for some time, and she was just distraught about losing her son. (Her son's father was over 18 and jailed.) I haven't thought about that for a long time, I wonder what ever became of them.

I _hope_ someone is able to intervene in a helpful way, and that there is a positive outcome...but how heartbreaking.


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## debbieh (Apr 22, 2007)

Such a sad story







At 13 years old, this girl is still a child herself. It is difficult enough to be responsible for yourself at that age, much less a baby. It's heartbreaking to think of her and her baby being separated, but ultimately, the well being of the baby should be considered. What is best for the baby? He has no choices, but his mother does. She could choose to help herself and her baby by making different choices regarding her own life. The sad thing is that it sounds like she has not had good role models, which makes things more difficult for her, but not impossible. Just so sad.


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## MomtoEd (Apr 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Jmo780* 
I got pregnant when I was 14 (Well the month I turned 15) with my oldest son (Now 11.5!) had him at 15. I am still with his dad (My husband of 13 years now).

I was just confused by the timeline - Were you married before you got pregnant? Just curious.

I hope I don't need to duck, here, but a 12/13 year old single parent with no family support is never going to be the best choice for a baby and I don't think any amount of positive thinking is going to make it so. That said, I don't know what you do about a situation where you are considered an adult the moment you have a baby, and I, like the other poster, would really be interested in knowing how the government handles aid to a pre-teen with no family support. Are we positive that the legal right of emancipation is transferred with the birth of a child? Would this hold for an 8 or 9 year old who gives birth?


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## Nikki Christina (Mar 27, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MomtoEd* 
I was just confused by the timeline - Were you married before you got pregnant? Just curious.


i know Jenn.. no she wasent married before she got pregnant.. Im sure she meant shes been with him 13 years now & he's her husband


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## Ivana&4Kids (May 21, 2007)

I would not beleive it to be my descision either. I,too,would have liked to see the girl stay with some sort of support,maybe younger aunts and uncles,cousins?


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

:

Has she seen a mental heath professional? it sounds like she should..


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

She needs a kick-ass caseworker to explore her options. There has got to be some place for her.

There are structured programs available, just sometimes they are hard to find.

We actually have an alternative public school for teen moms who are between 6th and 12th grade, with small classes and parenting education built into the curriculum. But its funny that very few people know about it -- even within the same school district.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

I hope that someone can step in and get mom and baby help so she'll be able to raise her baby, and be happy. I agree with the pp, she needs a kick ass social worker who cares!!! Instead of wondering about if she should keep the baby , maybe instead worry about getting her help to take care of her baby and herself. She must be so scared and confused







She still a kid herself, and now a mother. BIG HUGS TO HER!! I hope she is getting alot of support and cuddles!


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## GinaNY (Aug 30, 2006)

Wow I can't evn get my head around this, but I know it happens all the time. I am sure by her decision to keep the baby that she instinctively loves her DC. However, my concern is for this teeny tiny baby who does not have a voice or choice. Where does the cycle end? I know a mother and child should not be seperated, but what about this poor baby?? What is her future going to be like with such an irresponsible mother who is a child herself?

My heart goes out to this young mother. I hope that someone is able to get through to her that her destructive behavior is hurting her baby, the one she is fighting to keep.

So sad









I look at my lil babe nxt to me and cry for that litle one...both of them.


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## Arduinna (May 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ananas* 
I agree. It's absolutely nobody's choice but the mothers, no matter what the circumstances are, unless the baby is in danger.

/agreed

unless she has had the child removed from her care as a result of neglect or abuse it's her choice to keep her child or make an adoption plan. It is no one else's business to "allow" her to keep her child


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## Ravin (Mar 19, 2002)

I've seen situations like this because my mom is a foster parent. She did respite a while back for a 5 mo. baby whose mom was 15 while the foster parents took her and the other older foster kids in the home to six flags, and wrote a scathing report afterward that the foster parents needed to keep a closer eye on the care the girl was giving her baby. That baby had a flat spot on her head that wasn't being addressed at all, there was mold in some of her bottles, none of which were properly cleaned, and after a day of mom feeding her she stopped spitting up suggesting that the girl was overfeeding her because you can't just pop a bottle in a baby's mouth every time it fusses like you can a boob.

Anyway, that particular teen mom was being irresponsible, but the foster parents were also falling down on the job because it was their job to make sure she did what she needed to to take good care of the baby.

What happens next with the girl in the situation the OP described will depend on whether she still has custody of her baby, or if the baby is separately in foster care. Since there is talk of the baby staying in foster care while she goes to a group home, it sounds like not.

One thing I can't help but wonder is, what about the baby's father? Is he being held to any kind of accountability in this? Is there any chance of him or his parents stepping up to help with the baby unless or until the girl gets her life in order?


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## justmama (Dec 24, 2002)

Speaking as a former teen parent, I dont' believe it's anyone's business unless she's abusing or neglecting hte baby or otherwise hurting it. Also, my sil is 7 1/2 months along and she's 18, should her baby be taken? She just finished school last year but she and bil are both unemployed having just quit college and have no money and are forced to live with bil's mom. Are they not good parents because of extenuating circumstances??? I know they will be AMAZING parents and they both have a huge network of family to help out should they need it.


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## chfriend (Aug 29, 2002)

I haven't read the other responses, but I can't imagine how that would be the business of anyone except the mother.

IMO the place of the rest of us is to provide nurture and succor to the mother. Bring meals, baby clothes, diapers, offers to babysit, offers of playdates....


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Sad update....

She was sent to a juvenile hall facility, and the baby has been removed, but her rights as a parent haven't been severed. Not yet anyway.

Apparently she took her foster parent's car, went to the boyfreind's house. *the boyfriend is 12 and NOT the baby's father*. The two of them were caught joy riding, and in possession on pot. The car had damage that the foster parent's claim was not there before the kids took the car.

The mother of the 12 year old wants to press molestation charges against the 13 yr old, (which I think is stupid) I don't know if she was just mad and saying things she didn't mean though.

This is the first time the boy has been in trouble, so he was sent home. The girl (baby's mom) has not been released and will probably stay in juvinile hall or the group home. Either way, she will not be able to have her baby with her.

I wish kids could see things more clearly. I remember thinking "How unfair" and "The whole world is against me".


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## DoulaClara (Jan 3, 2006)

I've worked with troubled teens, and I've worked with negligent parents. Right now I think this 13 year old girl is falling through the cracks, and whoever the hell is in charge is completely sleeping at the wheel. This is another example of the "bad kid shuffle" that's done in the name of underfunding, and overtaxed employees. This 13 year old child needs services badly that she's just not getting. It's not a matter of "her choice" over picking and choosing services that will help her. As far as she's concerned, all the service providers were the ones who have been jerking her around the past few years anyway, so why should she trust them?








: Son of a pup, ya know? When adults stand around and shrug and simply say, "Well, she's choosing to do this, and she's hell on wheels and no one can stop her," what do you expect? She's simply living up to the expectations that are being shone on her. 13 year old mom, in the system, in trouble with the law... she's just filling in all of the spaces that are being left for her.







:


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## mamamoo (Apr 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *DoulaClara* 
I've worked with troubled teens, and I've worked with negligent parents. Right now I think this 13 year old girl is falling through the cracks, and whoever the hell is in charge is completely sleeping at the wheel. This is another example of the "bad kid shuffle" that's done in the name of underfunding, and overtaxed employees. This 13 year old child needs services badly that she's just not getting. It's not a matter of "her choice" over picking and choosing services that will help her. As far as she's concerned, all the service providers were the ones who have been jerking her around the past few years anyway, so why should she trust them?








: Son of a pup, ya know? When adults stand around and shrug and simply say, "Well, she's choosing to do this, and she's hell on wheels and no one can stop her," what do you expect? She's simply living up to the expectations that are being shone on her. 13 year old mom, in the system, in trouble with the law... she's just filling in all of the spaces that are being left for her.







:

I totally agree. How sad that no one got her the help she needed from day one. With being in and out of foster homes, and bio-homes, and grand parents, and g-gma, you would think she would have some major therapy lined up to help get her through all that. Our systems are failing these kiddos.

I wish someone would have gotten me help for the depression I started suffering from at puberty. And I didn't even have half of the issues this little mama has.


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## Yoshua (Jan 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
Sad update....

She was sent to a juvenile hall facility, and the baby has been removed, but her rights as a parent haven't been severed. Not yet anyway.

Apparently she took her foster parent's car, went to the boyfreind's house. *the boyfriend is 12 and NOT the baby's father*. The two of them were caught joy riding, and in possession on pot. The car had damage that the foster parent's claim was not there before the kids took the car.

The mother of the 12 year old wants to press molestation charges against the 13 yr old, (which I think is stupid) I don't know if she was just mad and saying things she didn't mean though.

This is the first time the boy has been in trouble, so he was sent home. The girl (baby's mom) has not been released and will probably stay in juvinile hall or the group home. Either way, she will not be able to have her baby with her.

I wish kids could see things more clearly. I remember thinking "How unfair" and "The whole world is against me".


That makes me very sad, but I hope she can find structure wherever the courts decide to place her..... even at 13 I would hope that the thought of losing your child forever could spark some sense into a young mom......


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## earthmama369 (Jul 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TinkerBelle* 
A question. No judgement, no snarky remarks, just a question.

Since a teen mother, even at 12-13 is considered emancipated, and equal to an adult, what if her parents or the parents of the boy involved refuse to pay their way in life and/OR there is no one else? Does the govt.actually give 12-13 yr olds apartments, or some kind of housing, like with an older teen friend I once had, and money to live on? Do they both go into foster care?

The parents of the teen at that age would be charged for neglect. At least in CT. My SIL is emancipated in terms of her parenthood. She is this baby's mother and as such, has the legal ability to make all decisions regarding her child. But since she is still a minor, her parents are held to provide her with a home and schooling and have legal control in those areas.


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## zeldabee (Aug 23, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *earthmama369* 
The parents of the teen at that age would be charged for neglect. At least in CT. My SIL is emancipated in terms of her parenthood. She is this baby's mother and as such, has the legal ability to make all decisions regarding her child. But since she is still a minor, her parents are held to provide her with a home and schooling and have legal control in those areas.

Ah. Thanks for that explanation. That really had me wondering.


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## runnerbrit (May 24, 2006)

I have to respectfully disagree with the post that said it is her baby, her choice.







: She is still a child. A child who has been failed by her family, community, and CPS. Someone, hopefully a good caseworker as a previous poster suggested, needs to step in and provide some strong guidance.

It is one thing to say that a 13 yr old who is working on caring for her child has the right to make the final decision; but this girl has given up on herself. It may be that the best thing that happens to her right now is to be put in a group home that provides structure, while getting supervised visitation with her child.

This girl has not had good parenting role models or it sounds like good role models period. I hope that things begin to come together for her and her baby.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
I wouldn't even dare to believe it was my choice, unless she was neglecting or abusing the baby.









:

Attachment parenting should extend to grandparenting, as well.


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