# Anyone Regret Going from 1 to 2?



## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Thinking ahead to TTC, having reservations. For me it really comes down to two things:
1. the main reason I'd like another child is because I assume I will want one at some point. Like, we waited 7 years to have DS. I don't want to wait another 7 years to make up my mind about #2 so figure we should just go ahead and do it now. Probably not a good reason to do it though, is it?
2. the main reservation I have is that we have one wonderful dog who is now 9 years old. When she was 4, we decided to get a second dog. The second dog was a disaster, bit multiple people and had to be put to sleep. I think, what if this was God's way of warning me about having a second child? why rock the boat? we have a perfect son (yes, he's perfect!!)--why mess things up? As I understand it kids spend most of their childhoods fighting with their siblings so we wouldn't be doing it for his sake.

I know it sounds silly about divine warnings but it's my personal belief--and for example I wish I'd heeded these divine warnings when we were purchasing our condo, would have saved us from the neighbor hell we are stuck in now!

So I guess I'm looking for worst case scenarios with #2's.


----------



## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

No, I love my second son more than anything. He brings us joy and happiness. Yes, it can be challenging but once the baby is here it is only natural to fall in love and make it work.

And of course, you really can't compare having a child with getting a 2nd dog.









How about just letting it happen if its going to happen? How more divine could that be?


----------



## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

If you think you might regret it, don't do it now.


----------



## lisac77 (May 27, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
If you think you might regret it, don't do it now.

I agree. The #1 reason I haven't just gone and gotten pregnant is that I am not 100% gung-ho about having another one. I worry that I would live to regret it, and I just can't do that to a child.


----------



## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

WHy don't you want to wait another 7 years? I always think it's best to wait until both partners have the DESIRE. I don't think I'd "just go ahead and get it over with" with a child.


----------



## lillbeetle (Apr 2, 2007)

Not that my opinion matters, nor am I trying to sway you one way or the other. Your decision is obviously your own. But, I love having an only child. He doesn't have to fight with his siblings, we get to do whatever we want. Now that he is 3 we have so much fun going places and doing activities. We wouldn't do half of the things we get to do if we had to lug around a baby. Not to sound harsh, I love babies, just don't want another one! I just think that for us and our unique situation, having one perfect healthy boy is the best!!!
Bottom line is...there is nothing wrong with having an only child. Your family is still a family!!


----------



## BabyBugsMom (Jun 10, 2005)

To answer your question--no. I've never regretted going from one child to two, although in my case, since our second pregnancy resulted in twins, we went from one to three.

But my situation is very different from yours. Both dh and I come from large families, and we both knew very early in our relationship that we wanted a large family ourselves.

If either of us had any misgivings, we would have waited. The three years between our twins and our next child, and then the 2+ years between our little guy and the one we're expecting in November are because one or both of us wanted to hold off for a while.

Only you and your dp can decide what is best for your individual family. Don't have another child just because it's expected of you, or you think you should. Every child should be a wanted child.


----------



## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Its very hard to get an honest answer to this question.

Because to say that you regret being a parent of 2 makes people think that you don't love one of your children.

(I say this as someone who doesn't regret having a 2nd, by the way. But I've had a lot of conversations about only children, being an only myself, and people use as evidence that more is better and onlies suck the fact that "no one ever regrets having a 2nd child." Um., no. No one ever *says* they regret having a 2nd).

The few people I know who have come close to it have said that while they love their second child deeply (and the first, too), but they know that they were a better parent to one than to two, and they wonder how life would have been different and happier if they'd not had a second. But I'm guessing that very few people, here or IRL, are going to be willing to go around saying "Yah, if I could I'd send #2 back!"
1
Anyway, as an only, I have to say that being an only doesn't necessarily suck (I liked it!) and that I agree that the best way to decide that you want another child is when you really, really, really WANT another child. I don't think "I might want one down the road," is quite strong enough


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

My children are 6 years apart. When my dd was 2, I did not want another child. I seriously had my hands full with one, lol. And, of course, she filled all my nooks and crannies and I just didn't desire another. I am glad I didn't get pregnant (intentionally or otherwise) during that time.

Once she was four or so, and she started to get more independent, I found a place in my heart that truly desired another baby. Another chance to be pregnant, and nurse, and start all over. And I saw my dd becoming a person that would enjoy a sibling, while she might not have really enjoyed a baby in the house when she was younger (she was very high-needs). The spacing is working very well for us, and dd enjoys ds immensely. And I really love that they both have a time to be the only baby in the house.

So, I vote to wait until you feel ready--until the next baby is truly wanted for him or herself. And if that time never comes, that is ok, too!


----------



## CheapPearls (Aug 7, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
If you think you might regret it, don't do it now.

Yup. If you aren't sure, don't do it!

I never once regretted having ds#2 but both of us were 100% about having a 2nd child when we started to TTC. #3 was very unplanned (like a month after a vasectomy unplanned) but that doesn't mean we aren't excited about a new baby. Unplanned doesn't mean unloved here. I'm really worried about the day that comes if/when this one find out about the vasectomy and feels like they were unwanted. I'm rambling now though.


----------



## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

We couldn't decide, so we decided instead to wait until our daughter was 5 and see where we were then. She's 5, and we've decided to TTC again, and I'm really glad we've waited. Our dd is psyched about the idea of having a baby around the house, and I'll be able to really give the baby attention without my daughter missing out on much. I'm glad that we decided to wait.

So my suggestion would be that maybe you could give yourself a date where you will reconsider it when you see how things are going at that point. For us it was when our daughter was 5, but that was partially based on my age (I'm 39 and if we don't decide now, the decision will no longer be ours.)


----------



## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


----------



## mama kate (Jul 19, 2003)

_wondering all the same.........._


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
No one ever *says* they regret having a 2nd).

I do know someone who said she wished she had not had the second. The #2 pregnancy turned out to be twins, and one of the twins turned out to be a very very challenging child with major behavioral issues. She is very frank about saying, "We pushed our luck...our first child was perfect, we should have stopped with her."

We're currently TTC, I'm pretty scared about how #2 will change our lives, but trying to keep a positive frame of mind. I think most of my jitters have to do with knowing what we're getting ourselves into this time. I'm dreading the lack of sleep, the discomforts of pregnancy, etc. But I just love my son so much, despite all the hard parts, that I figure I will feel the same way about the second. I really don't know how my heart will stand it







:


----------



## astrophe27 (Aug 27, 2007)

We're in that boat. We have one we love dearly, and debate about #2. So far, we can't agree 100%, so we're content just not to go there. There's enough people in the world. If we wait to a point where bio children are no longer an option, adoption can be. So I'm not going to worry it too much.

A.


----------



## boatbaby (Aug 30, 2004)

Nobody will ever say they regret having a child.

I think if you slide on over to the Only Child Tribe...
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=652903
... you will find some like minded mamas with some of the same concerns.

I say -- when in doubt... don't.

We are an only child family by choice and very happy! I see my friends all "lugging a baby around"







and I think "that doesn't look fun at all".
DS was an easy baby, I am healthy and young(ish), and I think babies are great. But I just don't think my parenting style and personal energy could work with more than one kid. Everyone is different and you need to do what's right for you, not what societal norms tell you.

Go with your gut. Best of luck!


----------



## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mysticmomma* 
WHy don't you want to wait another 7 years? I always think it's best to wait until both partners have the DESIRE. I don't think I'd "just go ahead and get it over with" with a child.









: My kids are 13.5 years apart because I was not ready so unless you feel biologically you can't wait, I would suggest waiting. I'm 8 years older than my brother so I really had no misgivings about my own kids being so far apart in age. Frankly I am glad I waited, my eldest was a mellow baby/child and my dd is highly spirited, I could not imagine if I had had her when her brother was little







: , I may have lost my mind. The fact that he is so much older is a blessing because it allows me to focus on her and not feel guilty especially where ds lives with his dad. Yet when ds is here and dd needs me, he understands and being a teenager he is actually helpful.

I know people say you never regret adding but for me it was and is not something I would do willy nilly.

Shay


----------



## Rockies5 (May 17, 2005)

No regrets, no wish I waiteds...my second child is a dream.

I feel the same way for the 3rd, 4th and 5th.

How could anyone regreat their children? How can you compare them to dogs?














Dogs aren't siblings, but pack mates it's a totally different dynamic.

Parenting determines if, how or when children will squabble. If you don't think you'll have the time for another child just skip it. You already sound as if you've made up your mind.


----------



## jessma (Sep 14, 2006)

We just had DS, our first, 3 months ago and are struggling with the very same questions. I'm just not sure that two will work for us, but I worry about the ramafications of having an "only." Since I'm already 36, we have to start thinking about it pretty soon.


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boatbaby* 
I see my friends all "lugging a baby around"







and I think "that doesn't look fun at all".

Aaargh, now you're making me scared again. Before I had DS I'd see a baby and have mad baby fever. Now whenever I see a baby I just think "Wow that looks exhausting" and "I sure hope it doesn't spit up on me" and "Why do most infants look so freaky weird?" I feel like maybe I should be scared off of #2 by those feelings.


----------



## thismama (Mar 3, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
If you think you might regret it, don't do it now.

Uh, for serious? Where were you to give me that advice three and a half weeks ago, BSD???


----------



## savannah smiles (May 4, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *polka hop* 
Now this is what I would love to know from folks who were seriously on the fence about going from one to two. Did you end up being the parent you wanted to be to both of them, or did adding another child push you over the edge?

In theory, I would really love another kid. I want to want one, and I'm sure I would have had one if I were the type of mother who was genuinely happy giving herself over to mothering very young children. I'm worried, though, that I'll just get myself back in that stressed out place where I'm at my limit taking care of the baby - but I'll also have another child who needs me.

So please, if you've BTDT, give us the dirt.









I was on the fence for a couple of years before we decided to go for it. DD1 is very high needs and I was always pretty fried after a day dealing with her. I waited until baby fever came and stayed for several months (as opposed to just around ovulation time







) before TTC#2. I actually feel like I'm a better mom to two than I was to just one. DD2 is so easy and such a joy that she makes me enjoy mothering on a whole different level. Instead of being overly-focused on dd1 like I was before, I can let the little things go with her and dd1 also has dd2 to focus on so it's a well-balanced triad here at home.

Of course, now we're considering whether or not to have #3 and I have all the same concerns I did with #2. *sigh*


----------



## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *polka hop* 
I'm scared that I'd be one who was pushed over the edge. I've been right at my limit - over, at times - with one child for the past four years. Now that she's more independent, I'm not so much at my limit. I'm at a place where I feel like I have a good balance going on between mom and non-mom activities. I'm so much happier now that I'm not nursing, not changing diapers, not waking up multiple times every night; just generally not required to be quite so physically present in order for my child to function.










That's me. Right there.

DD is almost 14 mos, and I NEVER want to go back to the first year. Seriously. We're in a very happy place with just one. She's been a pretty easy and adaptable baby, so, we can go just about anyplace with her. Planning is minimal...I've gone away with her on my own before, and enjoyed it (except for the drive, sometimes). I would loathe that with two.

A good game to play (I read it on another thread) is "Where's the baby??" When you're doing something with your first, imagine where the new baby would fit in....Firstborn wants you to do playdoh...where's the baby? Taking firstborn to the pool/beach...where's the baby? If this game hasn't freaked you out, move on to "Where's the toddler"...helping firstborn with homework...where's the toddler? (Fun part with this game is you only have to listen to the crash coming from another room to find the toddler!) DD wants you to come to her school play...where's the toddler? (Howling in protest and trying to run up and down the aisles...your choice...attend to toddler and skip DD's play, or watch DD's play while your toddler practices her B-movie actress screams).

Yah. One is good.


----------



## NaomiLorelie (Sep 2, 2004)

I've had 3 kids, each two years apart. Number three was a BIG surprise. I love all three of my kids more than life, wouldn't give them up for the world. I'm enjoying the babyhood(now impending toddlerhood) of dd3 as I know that most likely it's the last time. But I am exhausted. I just want to disappear many days. I want me time so badly, and I need rest. Between three 5 and under and school, I just wish life would stop. I don't regret my three kiddos but I definately caution anyone to sincerely think about what they are getting into when having a child, no matter how many they already have. You will love them no matter what, but consider what is going to happen to you too.


----------



## hippymomma69 (Feb 28, 2007)

I'm wondering the same thing about going from 2 to 3 LOL

My oldest was the "challenging" one so I had no misgivings about having another - I knew if I could handle her, I would be prepared for another.

HOWEVER, since DS was born DD has gotten a SN diagnosis. No biggie, she's really mild and has alot going for her. BUT I see all the kids in her classes and I'm no spring chicken and I think "could I handle a 3rd one who had serious disabilities?" That is what is really giving me pause...I always dreamed about 3 but maybe I would be pushing my luck....!

I think I've gotten a good life balance - it's not perfect and I look forward to the day my kids are in school so I can go back to work at least part time - but I love the fact that I am here for them right now and I'm learning so much from them!

I don't know, I go back and forth. Doesn't help that my Nana (who is from a big family) keeps saying "two is enough!"

No help here, I just sympathize completely!

peace,
robyn


----------



## Igraine (Jul 1, 2006)

Nope.

My husband and I thought about having just one, but really felt he needed a sibling. (We both come from good sized families). We have a son and a daughter, three years apart.

As much as the two of them make me crazy with their bickering and teasing (big brother is a great teacher!), I cannot imagine life with out either of them. Yes, it is exhausting. Yes, it is easier with just one. And my son is a different person because he is a brother. She has changed him in some lovely ways and yet, he is still that sweet little baby boy. It is truly hard to answer this question without contradicting myself. Sorry!

I think it is really healthy to think this through so you can weigh the pros and the cons for your family.

Some people really only want one. My niece is an only child. She is a wonderful person. My sister and brother-in-law raised her very well and decided they only wanted to raise one child.

Oh and ps, I no long get the powerful mama urge when I see a baby to "have another". Two works just beautifully for us.


----------



## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


----------



## wednesday (Apr 26, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
A good game to play (I read it on another thread) is "Where's the baby??" When you're doing something with your first, imagine where the new baby would fit in....Firstborn wants you to do playdoh...where's the baby? Taking firstborn to the pool/beach...where's the baby? If this game hasn't freaked you out, move on to "Where's the toddler"...helping firstborn with homework...where's the toddler? (Fun part with this game is you only have to listen to the crash coming from another room to find the toddler!) DD wants you to come to her school play...where's the toddler? (Howling in protest and trying to run up and down the aisles...your choice...attend to toddler and skip DD's play, or watch DD's play while your toddler practices her B-movie actress screams).

Goodness! You had me scared there for a minute, but then I thought about it, and you could play this same scenario as a childless person and be scared off having kids at all. Lounging by the pool for hours with a book -- where's the toddler? Sitting in a coffee shop chatting with friends -- where's the toddler? Going to your best friend's wedding -- where's the toddler? (Howling and running up and down the aisles...) I would think that from this particular POV, the first child actually changes your lifestyle/activities more profoundly than the second.


----------



## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Just wanted to say I am kind of there with you. When my husband and I originally were pregnant with our daughter, I had the feeling that maybe she would be our only. I really wanted to have at least one child but I also really like my career and I felt that one might be all that we could really handle.

Then we lost her and we both felt that we KNEW that we were going to try again, and did and have a wonderful 2 yo. During that pregnancy my husband and I, still pretty freshly scarred from the loss of our daughter, decided that we would have two, mostly so that they would have the opportunity to support each other... we were both so glad for our siblings' support during our daughter's brief life and afterwards and we kind of had this "have all the healthy kids you can!" feeling. (I know you can't make kids love each other; that's fine, but it was still our thinking.)

Now that has worn off a little bit, I'm newly back to full-time work, 36, and feel mostly still that I would like another buuuut the old doubts about how that would actually WORK are kind of back too. So I am more on the fence than I was even a year ago.

These are hard questions. I kind of feel like we have an empty place at the table but I'm still sort of confused whether that's my daughter's empty spot or an open spot for the next baby. I'm waiting at least another few months to see.


----------



## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Thanks for listening. To those who said I sound like I've made up my mind, nope. AF was a week late this month, and I was pretty happy about it... but when it finally showed and I suggested to DH we just go ahead and start TTC he sort of freaked which got me second guessing myself. Then, after I started the new pack of BCP he says, "why'd you take them?" This is exactly how we were with deciding about DS, and we went back and forth for years. I'm 33, I do have more time, so I guess I won't rush it.

I know kids aren't like dogs! LOL. It's just DS is such a dream (well, if you asked me at 10:30 last night I might have said otherwise), if I knew I could clone him I'd do it in a second. The second's bound to be a let down.


----------



## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

For me it wasn't going from one to two, but from two to three that was rough. When DD was 7 weeks old, we adopted DS1, so its always felt like we had two kids. Fast foward four years and we added DS2...I love him. He rocks. But man, what an adjustment. I had the sweet life. A nine yo, a four yo, could go anywhere we wanted, do anything. No diapers or nursing or naps. I do look back veeery fondly on the pre-DS2 days.......


----------



## DariusMom (May 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *polka hop* 
Now this is what I would love to know from folks who were seriously on the fence about going from one to two. Did you end up being the parent you wanted to be to both of them, or did adding another child push you over the edge?

I'm scared that I'd be one who was pushed over the edge. I've been right at my limit - over, at times - with one child for the past four years. Now that she's more independent, I'm not so much at my limit. I'm at a place where I feel like I have a good balance going on between mom and non-mom activities. I'm so much happier now that I'm not nursing, not changing diapers, not waking up multiple times every night; just generally not required to be quite so physically present in order for my child to function.

In theory, I would really love another kid. I want to want one, and I'm sure I would have had one if I were the type of mother who was genuinely happy giving herself over to mothering very young children. I'm worried, though, that I'll just get myself back in that stressed out place where I'm at my limit taking care of the baby - but I'll also have another child who needs me.

So please, if you've BTDT, give us the dirt.









Wow, are you me?!









That's just how I feel and I'm on the fence . . . DS is 4.5, life is good . . . my marriage, my career, and just *me* suffered a lot in the first 3-4 years . . . I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again. Not sure if I want to go back . . . but don't want to always regret not having a second one . . .


----------



## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sunnmama* 
My children are 6 years apart. When my dd was 2, I did not want another child. I seriously had my hands full with one, lol. And, of course, she filled all my nooks and crannies and I just didn't desire another. I am glad I didn't get pregnant (intentionally or otherwise) during that time.

Once she was four or so, and she started to get more independent, I found a place in my heart that truly desired another baby. Another chance to be pregnant, and nurse, and start all over. And I saw my dd becoming a person that would enjoy a sibling, while she might not have really enjoyed a baby in the house when she was younger (she was very high-needs). The spacing is working very well for us, and dd enjoys ds immensely. And I really love that they both have a time to be the only baby in the house.

So, I vote to wait until you feel ready--until the next baby is truly wanted for him or herself. And if that time never comes, that is ok, too!

Oh, this was so nice to read. Like the OP and many other mamas here, I have one child, a perfect daughter who fills my life. I have a total failure of imagination when I consider #2. It sounds wonderful to imagine that I might in good time get off the fence and really want another baby. But that time has not yet come for me, so maybe I'll just relax about it.


----------



## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wednesday* 
Goodness! You had me scared there for a minute, but then I thought about it, and you could play this same scenario as a childless person and be scared off having kids at all. Lounging by the pool for hours with a book -- where's the toddler? Sitting in a coffee shop chatting with friends -- where's the toddler? Going to your best friend's wedding -- where's the toddler? (Howling and running up and down the aisles...) I would think that from this particular POV, the first child actually changes your lifestyle/activities more profoundly than the second.

True enough. For us, while Katie has been a *big* adjustment, there's still only one of her. And, obviously, she gets a little older every day. So, while I have to remember to bring the trekker or the diaper bag when I go to the museum, or the library, or the restaurant, it's still fairly doable. One child to tote, one child's cues to interpret, one child's needs to meet. Yes, part of it is that we were bessed with a pretty easy baby. Does this mean I can do what I want all of the time? Of course not; that's been a big adjustment. But the logistics of doing some of what I want aren't as difficult as I imagine it would be with two children, esp. if they were close in age (less than four years). I am an independent person, so, I like seeing Katie's growing independence (right now, she's playing happily with her playhouse while I type)...having been through the first year of having my life fairly constrained (and i know a lot of people don't see it like that, and that's great for them, seriously), I don't want to go back there. Big change, yes. And that's part of the reason we're only having one. We've been through the "big change", and are approaching something that resembles "normalcy" again. Yes, we are planning to do a big family vacation to Mouseland or the like in a few years, but, in the works is an international trip, as well. The logistics of doing it (especially alone - DH is in the military, so I may be looking at Europe with a two year old on my own) with two or more children just boggles my mind. It's great for those who want it, but, for us, we just don't.


----------



## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

It's interesting because while I often question whether I should ever have had children, and think maybe I should not have, I never question having had the second. The second one almost makes things easier.

I never regret just having the second, and when I think about how things might be different, it is with the idea of how it would be different if I never had any.


----------



## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

My only regret is that I waited 6 years to decide to have another baby, had I known that we were going to have another baby I would have had them 4 years apart instead.


----------



## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

OP again--reading all these responses has really helped me clarify my feelings I think. When I think about DS being an only--though all the onlies I know are happy about it--I feel sad. I think there's my answer!


----------



## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I don't know, I have talked to some onlies that wish they had siblings. It really just depends on the person.


----------



## sweettalker (Jul 19, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
I don't think "I might want one down the road," is quite strong enough

Savithny is very wise. As is BelgianSheepDog. If you think you might regret it, *WAIT*! Please!

And siblings don't necessarily spend most of their childhoods fighting, so I wouldn't let that sway you one way or another. They might, but they might not. Or they might fight one month and not at all the next. Or ... well, you get the idea.


----------



## Finch (Mar 4, 2005)

I've always known I wanted more than one child, however, having ds made me seriously reconsider.







He was/is uber high needs from day one. His babyhood and early toddlerhood were sheer hell. Period. Dh was wanting number 2 when ds turned 1.







I told him no way in hell. LOL. I had a VERY hard time coming to terms with ttc#2, and did so a little bit hesitantly







:. So now here I am, almost 22 weeks pg w/#2, and JUST NOW getting used to and not so terribly freaked out by the idea of another child.

For me, the issue isn't having another baby. I saw a mother holding a new baby who was doing those little sleep smiles yesterday, and thought how I can't wait to see that again. I loved it when ds did that.







The issue for me was really guilt wrt ds. Ds is very attached to me/us, and us to him, and truth be told, having another child felt like betrayal. It took a long time and a lot of support from other moms to stop feeling like that. Plus, ds is still not very independent (he's 3.5, btw) when it comes to stuff like self feeding, dressing, and is nowhere near potty training, so that was a factor too. However, he is progressing in all of those areas and his therapists are all very pleased, so that also helped.

Ds went to the first day of school today, and when he got to the classroom he darted off to the play area, smiled and said "BYE!!" When I came to pick him up 3 hours later, he was smiling, cuddling with the teacher, and said "School!! Fun!!" right away.







Things like that ease my mind and heart and I know now that it will be fine when this kid finally gets here.


----------



## tiffer23 (Nov 7, 2005)

I think it depends on your situation. With you, you consider your first son the perfect child. So yeah, another baby might totally rock your world and you might regret it if you have a difficult child. In your case, I think maybe having just one is best.

For us, I am in the same situation, but reversed. My son is beyond difficult and high maintenance. I adore him, love him with all my heart, but the thought of having another child just like him terrifies me. If I knew my next would be the same, I would not have another. But everyone says the second is often nothing like the first, so I have hope. We'll likely have another, but when DS is 3-5 years old where we can reason with him a bit more. He's not even 2 yet, so things are still very hard.


----------



## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

We were on the fence about having a 2nd and of course we don't regret it. I don't think anyone would say they would regret it as then they would not have their 2nd child and that's hard to fathom. I agree that the lifestyle changes with 2 are very, very hard. You cannot travel as much. Things are more expensive. You get even less time alone. Its harder to be patient when you've got 2 to discipline. I often feel that parents with 1 just don't understand how much harder my life is much the way you probably feel when talking to couples with no kids.

I've written a lot of posts on MDC on my perspective on having a 2nd. I think its mainly that the young years are hard and if you get through them...they are well worth it. I do sometimes think - gee, if I only had 1 I could go visit my friend in Seattle this summer. With a 5 year old AND 2 year old? out of the question! However, there are many joys of 2 that you miss out on if you stop at 1. Sibling love is amazing. My two defintely fight at times (and that could drive the Dalai Lama to a meltdown) but mostly, they play together and its absolutely wonderful. Its the little things - like when they sing and laugh in the car together, when they put on a cd and start dancing with each other. There's a fullness with 2 that we didn't feel before we had our 2nd.They learn from each other, they grow up knowing and understanding each other. Its extremely different having than a "playmate" I don't think I'm a worse parent now that I have 2, if anything I was hovering a little too much and also tolerating too much misbehavior from ds before I had 2. I'm also seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now that dd is 2 - I've heard as they get older having 2 gets much easier. Also, I know its not a reason to have more kids, but I LOVE having a son AND a daughter and there's no way to experience both without having 2.

Good luck whatever you decide. My litmus test is if you think you cannot get over NOT having another, that means you must be meant to have more.


----------



## mysticmomma (Feb 8, 2005)

I also wanted to add that I dont' regret havnig my second. I do wish we had waited longer, my dd was still way to high needs and has had trouble adapting. I was out of commission for almost my entire pregnancy with Hyper emesis, and she really didn't have a parent for those months. I sort of regret not waiting, but i don't regret adding the second one.


----------



## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

TranscendentalMom said:


> .
> 
> There's a sense of family with 2 that its hard to recreate with 1. QUOTE]
> 
> Wanna try rephrasing that???


----------



## rachellanigh (Aug 26, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
I know kids aren't like dogs! LOL. It's just DS is such a dream (well, if you asked me at 10:30 last night I might have said otherwise), if I knew I could clone him I'd do it in a second. The second's bound to be a let down.









No, you are not bound to be let down. I thought the same about ds1 but ds2 is an even more calm, more easy baby than my first and my first really was an excellent baby.


----------



## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

I don't think I would regret the CHILD, ever, I would love and adore any child I had, but I might regret the way that decision impacts my overall life. If that makes any sense. I really want to focus on my career and school once DD gets a little older and I can't help but feeling another child would push me back to square one all over again.

I think I'd prefer to get far ahead enough first so that having a second child would do nothing but add good things to my life. After two years of caring for a child with special needs, who I love and care about more than anything else in the world, I selfishly want some time to allow myself to expand the horizons. Heck, I'm only 25, so if it's another 7 or 10 or 15 years until I feel like "Wow, I really, REALLY want another one", whatever! I want to _want_ that child as much as I dearly wanted DD.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77*
but, in the works is an international trip, as well. The logistics of doing it (especially alone - DH is in the military, so I may be looking at Europe with a two year old on my own) with two or more children just boggles my mind. It's great for those who want it, but, for us, we just don't.

Tell me about it! we LOVE to travel, and we've flown with dd and gone on other family vacations. It felt *barely* worth it. Meaning, we just about had time between caring for dd and making sure she was fed, happy, entertained, not too sleepy, to actually enjoy ourselves. With two, there is no question I would not only have not enjoyed myself but pretty much wasted my money. Now, if I had the money for a nanny to take along, that would be different, but that ain't happening either! lol


----------



## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thismama* 
Uh, for serious? Where were you to give me that advice three and a half weeks ago, BSD???

















I hope everything's ok. I also hope I didn't sound snarky. I was just being concise.









I wonder about this issue too. I was thinking of having a second, very seriously. Then circumstances demanded I get back in school and I lost all interest in having a second kid right now. I am interested in finishing my degree and doing another one. I think I might have wanted a second kid because I was so bored spending my days at home with a one year old.







: And because the sole physical spark with my then-partner still-friend was the idea of conceiving.







:







:







:

I love babies and get sad thinking that dd's baby days are over. If I did it again, I'd do some things very differently so I wasn't as overwhelmed and bored and isolated. But I wonder how much of my still thinking about a second is wanting to "do it right" and how much is because I really want another kid.

I think dd would be perfectly happy to be an only child. I think she'd be pissed off to have to share her spotlight, frankly.


----------



## Throkmorton (Jun 30, 2003)

While I do not regret DD, I do regret the quality time with just me and DS that we don't get much of anymore. DD is a big handful and needs my undivided attention a lot more than DS did at this age and i do find that i am a lot more stressed.


----------



## beanma (Jan 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *TranscendentalMom* 
I agree that the lifestyle changes with 2 are very, very hard. You cannot travel as much. Things are more expensive. You get even less time alone. Its harder to be patient when you've got 2 to discipline.

well, from my perspective now with a 6.5 yr old dd1 and a 3.75 yr old dd2 it's hard for me to remember lifestyle changes being very much more difficult. there was an adjustment period of course, but i really didn't think the overall lifestyle changes were much more difficult.

dd2 came along when dd1 was 2yrs 9mo. it really didn't impede our traveling. dd2 was a better traveler than dd1 was an infant.

not sure about the things being more expensive. i did buy an ergo with dd2, but that was probably the best baby purchase i made with either of them.

i didn't get any less alone time. dd1 was very high needs as an infant and toddler (and still is) and was pretty much with me 24/7 except when i had to go take care of my dad after surgery. i had no alone time and had already sucked that up.

the thing i do remember is planting bulbs with dd1 in the spring after i had found out i was pregnant with dd2 and realizing that i would have to go back to square one on those kinds of activities.

it can be harder to be patient for me with my attention divided and those early months were a big learning curve for sure, but now they play together so well. they do squabble some, but they will go off and play together in another room. they're really good friends.

one thing i do have small regrets about is not having them closer together. i am not close in age to my sibs and we're really not very close now. i know that part of that is personality and circumstances, but i can't help but think the chances are greater for fostering closeness if they're close in age. it just didn't work for us to try any earlier because of family circumstances, but if the timing had been right i think between 2-2.5 yrs apart would have been ideal for our family. i didn't feel like i had all the time in the world, though. i was 39 when dd2 was born.

i say do what feels right for you, but for me i knew it was going to be a little scary stepping out into the unknown just like it was when we embarked on the adventure of dd1. it always is, but no regrets. i love having two.


----------



## ~Megan~ (Nov 7, 2002)

I love both my children, obviously. However, things were so much easier with one. My kids fight a lot. Its difficult when they both need me at the same time. For example, when one has hurt the other which do I go to first: the one that is hurt or the one that needs discipline?

I wouldn't say I regret my son but there are days I wonder if I would have tried to have another had I known about what was to come.

I think I might have been happier if I had spaced them further apart actually (they are 3 years apart). My first is a very sensitive child and needs a lot of attention and care.

I don't think you should have a second child just because you think you should or because society tells us to have two kids. If you want another child then that is a good reason.

It doesn't sound like you really want another child rigth now though.


----------



## hippymomma69 (Feb 28, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Finch* 
The issue for me was really guilt wrt ds. Ds is very attached to me/us, and us to him, and truth be told, having another child felt like betrayal. It took a long time and a lot of support from other moms to stop feeling like that. Plus, ds is still not very independent (he's 3.5, btw) when it comes to stuff like self feeding, dressing, and is nowhere near potty training, so that was a factor too. However, he is progressing in all of those areas and his therapists are all very pleased, so that also helped.


Finch - this was our concern also...my DD is also attached/behind in some life skills things and I was freaking out about things like how to cosleep with everyone safely in our little bed, how would my DD feel if I couldn't play with her right away, how would I handle two kids "needing" me at once, etc.

My adjustment to baby #2 was very easy - hers was not. That was really our major challenge. But now 11 months later, we all seem to have a good balance and we are a "threesome" now! LOL She mostly loves her little brother (I dropped him off early at daycare today so she and I could have some alone time together and she kept asking "where's the baby?" LOL)....and it's helped alleviate my guilt quite a bit. I think both of us kind of were scared at first "will mommy still love me?" "will we still be special to each other?" And what we did was find NEW ways to connect and have a special relationship.

I won't pretend it wasn't a struggle though - lots of playful parenting techniques to work out all those feelings. I let her beat up her dolls in the beginning to let her anger towards the baby out....I told her it was OKAY to be angry - but that she couldn't hurt the baby. And now she doesn't need to be angry anymore...

Sorry that's a bit OT but it was just a whole area that made me nervous before #2 arrived but now I know that it can be negotiated eventually.

good luck with #2!
peace,
robyn


----------



## teachma (Dec 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
why rock the boat? we have a perfect son (yes, he's perfect!!)--why mess things up?

Ummm...coming from someone who _doesn't_ have a "perfect" child, I think you'd love your baby even if he was not "perfect."


----------



## BelgianSheepDog (Mar 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teachma* 
Ummm...coming from someone who _doesn't_ have a "perfect" child, I think you'd love your baby even if he was not "perfect."

My dd was born with a heart defect and has always been perfect. I think your offense is misplaced.


----------



## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Nope, absolutely no regrets! (I also don't regret giving myself five years of spacing between them.)


----------



## lara1828 (Aug 11, 2005)

Wow, what an interesting thread! Here is my story

I never really considered having only one child. Both my dh and I have siblings and when I think about life without my brother, I feel lonely. AS soon as ds1 became a toddler, I started having baby lust when I saw a mom with 2.

BUT. My ds2 came a full year earlier than I had planned. Of course I love him and I have never regretted him. But I'll be honest. I was very angry about the pregnancy until the happy hormones kicked in during the second trimester. I found the transition from 1 to 2 much more difficult than 0 to 1. There is just no way to prepare a 2 yo for the fact that he's not going to get 99% of mom's attention any more. And there's no way to give number 2 the same kind of focused attention that first one got.

For me it was much easier to feel like a good parent to 1 child than to 2. (Why doesn't anyone ever tell you this??) "Lugging the baby around", or physical care, has not been the hard part for me. It is managing to give both children what they need from me emotionally. Certainly this is partly because I'm very introverted and both boys are NOT. Now, when I see a mom with three, I DON'T have baby lust. I'm glad it's not me. When I see a mom with a 3 yo and a 5 yo, I envy her. I want to get there NOW. (Not healthy, I know, I'm working on it).

Looking back, would I have had a second child? Absolutely, but I would have spaced them about 4 years apart. Will I have a third? Probably not. If I were younger, I might change my mind in a couple years, but I'm fast approaching 40. Maybe two is enough for me.

I have a close friend with mental health issues who is on the fence regarding a second child. She is a good parent, but my (gentle) advice to her has been to wait at least until the first is in school and she will be able to feel good about the amount of quality time she can give the baby.

I hope this post doesn't seem to be too negative. OP, it sounds to me like you want another but are hesitating to take the plunge. If you were happy about a pregnancy scare, well, wouldn't you be happy about a pregnancy? Babies are wonderful. I wish I had met my husband at 16 and could have had 6 babies with him (all spaced about 4 years apart haha). I you want one, go for it and don't let doubts scare you out of it.

And finally, both my babies were "easy" and have similar temperments. Personally I think it is a myth that the second one is sure to be so different from the first. I've gone one too long and it is OT, so I won't expound on that one any more.


----------



## mirthfulmum (Mar 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lara1828* 
BUT. My ds2 came a full year earlier than I had planned. Of course I love him and I have never regretted him. But I'll be honest. I was very angry about the pregnancy until the happy hormones kicked in during the second trimester. I found the transition from 1 to 2 much more difficult than 0 to 1. There is just no way to prepare a 2 yo for the fact that he's not going to get 99% of mom's attention any more. And there's no way to give number 2 the same kind of focused attention that first one got.

For me it was much easier to feel like a good parent to 1 child than to 2. (Why doesn't anyone ever tell you this??) "Lugging the baby around", or physical care, has not been the hard part for me. It is managing to give both children what they need from me emotionally.

I was going to post the exact same thing.

Our second son was concieved a full year before planned. We were stunned and it was difficult to get excited about him joining our family. And when H. was born, while I loved him madly, I was full of regret. I felt like I had ruined both of my children's childhood by adding #2 too early. I had really bad PPD after H. was born and I think my regrets about adding another child was a huge contributor.

Fast forward almost 3 years, my sons are great friends and playmates and have a true deep love for each other. Yes they bicker and fight, but mostly they get a long great. And we recently welcomed our third child into our family and babe's and boys' transition has been suprisingly smooth (so far).

Looking back now I wouldn't change a thing about having a second and the timing of H.'s arrival. But going from 1 to 2 was really freakin' hard!!!


----------



## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

katheek77 said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *TranscendentalMom*
> ...


----------



## polka hop (Dec 23, 2003)

*


----------



## sunnmama (Jul 3, 2003)

TranscendentalMom said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *katheek77*
> ...


----------



## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
My dd was born with a heart defect and has always been perfect. I think your offense is misplaced.









yeah, I didn't mean to offend. I was saying it kind of tongue in cheek, like actually I don't think many outsiders think DS is "perfect"--it's just a feeling shared by DH and myself, and not even myself nights he stays up past 10!!


----------



## tangozulu (Jun 8, 2004)

Okay, mama of 4 posting, so you can probably guess where I'm going with this...









One thing I would like to point out is that you now have the benefit of experience. You know you had trouble with PPD, body image, etc. last time. What things helped you? What could you do to plan ahead that would help ease those issues?

My kids are way spread out and that has been great for me. Having the last two pretty much exactly 2 years apart was scary. But there are definitely advantages, and I love the spacing now. My ds who is now 2 was very attached and high needs. I knew he was going to have to learn to take Daddy more, and that was just that. He was old enough and they could use that, anyway. So I worked on that throughout my pregnancy, so he wouldn't feel suddenly abandoned when his brother arrived. I am lucky that was my 2 year old was verbal and understood a lot, he also got a new cousin a month before his brother was born, so he had an idea of what "Mommy has a new brother for you in her tummy" meant. I also started him in daycare a few mornings a week when his brother came and made plans to spend time with my friends occasionally, just the baby and I, as I knew I would need these things for my mental health. Having the money to pay for part time child care or having willing relatives/friends around to help certainly makes things easier, and is something to consider. Perhaps you could think about joining a gym with childcare after baby, to address the body image issues and get some time to yourself?

The first few weeks were totally overwhelming and I'm not going to act like it wasn't. BUT - my ds who is now 8 months is such a precious gift. He is so SWEET. I am just as in love with him as I have been with each of them as babies! He is crawling all over the place and follows his brother and sisters around. The whole family dotes on him. I am SO GLAD we have him!

WRT to spacing them out, I obviously had that experience also. It has its own advantages, like getting a few years of sleeping through the night between children, getting your body/life/career back between babies, and the older sibling is really old enough to be a helper. So that can work, too. The main minus is I am 30 now and have been pregnant and/or parenting a young child for almost half my life!

I think you will find few people who say they regret a child, because few people do. I don't think you can say "in theory" what you can handle. I never thought I would have 4 kids, and I am doing fine with them. But I got the grace to handle each one as they arrived - I am sure I couldn't have handled 4 back when I had my first child, who was my perfect and precious only for 6 years before her sister arrived.

Honestly, I feel very blessed to have every one of my children and I look forward to having big family dinners, reunions, lots of grandchildren, etc. someday. And I am glad they are close so far and hope they stay that way! Some days I am even considering a 5th!







:


----------



## woobysma (Apr 20, 2004)

OK, DS2 is being TOTALLY cute at this moment, so I'm going to have to answer NO









Honestly, I've never regretted #2. I love DS2 like nobody's business. Having him did complete my family in a lot of ways and brought me to a whole new level as a mom and a woman.

It did change a lot of things, though. I won't lie to ya. The boys are 7 years apart and I had DS1 when I was 19, so I had a picture of my life with just me and DS1. I thought we'd have adventures and travel. I looked forward to being "on my own" again in my late 30's and enjoying being a single, foxy 40 yo living wild and free







:
Sometimes, I miss that "would-be" version of myself that has been replaced by a partnered mom of 2 (sometimes 3 when DSS is here) who dreams of living on a farm and growing old with DP and having tons of grandkids come to visit. I love my life now, too, though. It's different, but no less wonderful.


----------



## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

TranscendentalMom said:


> Quote:
> 
> 
> Originally Posted by *katheek77*
> ...


----------



## nancy926 (Mar 10, 2003)

Well, I didn't read the whole thread but I didn't see anyone say they actually regretted having a second kid.

NO regrets here at all. I think DD2 has helped me be a better, more relaxed, more patient, less stressed, less everything-has-to-be-perfect-or-my-kid-will-be-in-therapy-by-age-5 sort of mom. Sure, DD1 didn't get 100% of my attention all of the time when she was 3, or 4. But she did get 100% of my attention some of the time. It's funny that no one thinks of #2 and how he/she is not going to get 100% of the parental attention either, and that's from day 1! As soon as DD2 was born, DD1 was up on the bed asking me questions about her.









And DD2 just rocks my world. She's feisty, but very independent - she will go off and play with stuffed animals all by herself...probably because we don't have the attention span or energy to follow her around constantly, like we did with DD1 (LOL). She's affectionate and expressive and creative and fascinating and we all love her to bits. Sure, she and DD1 squabble. But DD1 is overall AWESOME with her little sister, and they already can play together for long stretches and truly enjoy one another's company. They make each other laugh.

If you are thinking of reasons NOT to have another baby, by all means, don't have one. I still think babies are cute, but I'm also relieved that we're done. Two feels right.


----------



## teachma (Dec 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BelgianSheepDog* 
My dd was born with a heart defect and has always been perfect. I think your offense is misplaced.









The OP's post implies that it's possible to have an _imperfect_ child. Like she doesn't want to risk it because #1 is perfect.


----------



## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

I have 4 so I'm probably not best placed to advise you









When I see the joy that my first two shared without me being involved I felt that ds1 must have been so bored when it was just him and us. That feeling has grown as we have had more children: the joy they share between them and how they interact fills me with love.

So no, I don't regret going from 1 to 2 or 3 to 4!


----------



## Qestia (Sep 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *teachma* 
The OP's post implies that it's possible to have an _imperfect_ child. Like she doesn't want to risk it because #1 is perfect.

OP posting again. I'm sorry I offended you. When I say DS is perfect, I say he is perfect the way he is, even with his faults: even though he is what my MIL calls a "strong-willed child" and even though he doesn't talk as much/sleep as well/blah blah blah as some other kids. He will always be perfect to me, and since I feel that way it's hard to imagine feeling that way TWICE, as hard as imagining I could find another soul mate. It's not a notion of physical perfection, it's my perception.


----------



## bri276 (Mar 24, 2005)

Quote:

When I see the joy that my first two shared without me being involved I felt that ds1 must have been so bored when it was just him and us
sigh.

I wish sometimes that people could see how it feels to be a mom of an only and hear these types of things. it's like, in my mind I'm saying, "this person is talking about THEIR experience, and it's not a judgment on you", but it really just....feels like it.

yk, some people actually CAN'T have a second child, even if they wanted one. and though we know in our hearts our child is not bored, (or lonely, or spoiled), it kinda hurts thinking other people might look at them and think they are. happy families come in all sizes, shapes & colors.


----------



## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bri276* 
sigh.

I wish sometimes that people could see how it feels to be a mom of an only and hear these types of things. it's like, in my mind I'm saying, "this person is talking about THEIR experience, and it's not a judgment on you", but it really just....feels like it.

yk, some people actually CAN'T have a second child, even if they wanted one. and though we know in our hearts our child is not bored, (or lonely, or spoiled), it kinda hurts thinking other people might look at them and think they are. happy families come in all sizes, shapes & colors.

Or along the same lines, to be an only and read that apparently my happy, not-bored childhood was all a big illusion and would have been twice as wonderful if only I'd had a sibling or three?

Life without a sibling is just *different* than life with a sibling. It is not necessarly *worse*, *less than*, or *missing* anything. It's not necessarily *better,* either. It is just a different way of being that if you weren't an only you can't really know.


----------



## teachma (Dec 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Qestia* 
OP posting again. I'm sorry I offended you. When I say DS is perfect, I say he is perfect the way he is, even with his faults: even though he is what my MIL calls a "strong-willed child" and even though he doesn't talk as much/sleep as well/blah blah blah as some other kids. He will always be perfect to me, and since I feel that way it's hard to imagine feeling that way TWICE, as hard as imagining I could find another soul mate. It's not a notion of physical perfection, it's my perception.

Thank you so much for spending the time to explain and apologize. I am a little defensive about this because often, when I hear people make similar comments, it seems it could easily be a kid like mine they're afraid to risk having.







And, people make comments like this all the time. "_I already have a perfect family. Why take the risk?_" and "I was so fortunate that G-d blessed me three times with three perfect children; why should I tempt fate?" Stuff like that. I now understand that isn't what you meant.

Back to the original topic, my first dc is an extreme parenting challenge for lots of reasons. I almost chose to not have a second child because I felt my plate was full as it was. I changed my mind, though, and have never regretted it for a moment.


----------



## orangefoot (Oct 8, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bri276* 
sigh.

I wish sometimes that people could see how it feels to be a mom of an only and hear these types of things. it's like, in my mind I'm saying, "this person is talking about THEIR experience, and it's not a judgment on you", but it really just....feels like it.

yk, some people actually CAN'T have a second child, even if they wanted one. and though we know in our hearts our child is not bored, (or lonely, or spoiled), it kinda hurts thinking other people might look at them and think they are. happy families come in all sizes, shapes & colors.


What I said was without any judgement. I used the word 'I' - it was not a statement of fact that all relationships are so. I was giving a reason why *for me* I didn't regret it.

I feel bad about my experiences when I read about other people's perfectly blissful births but I am able to accept that everyone's experience is different.

Lastly, there is plenty of snark and criticism in families, society and online communities directed at those of us with more than one or two children which I shut my ears to.


----------



## Mary (Nov 19, 2001)

I have never regretted having a second. My second was colicky to boot, and nope, I've never regretted it. I had lots of reservations and fears, but my fears became moot points when reality struck. I've been way more suprised at the joy, fun, and unforseen benefits to both of my kids because I had another.

The funny thing is, I have the same exact reservations about having a third. The whole baby phase wearing me down, the three-ring circus of it all, my two not getting the attention that I want them to have, etc...My husband really wants a third and I'm more hesitant, but based on my experience with my second, I know that no matter how afraid I feel about having a third, I know that I wouldn't regret it and any challenges would solve themselves.

Unfortunately, we have not been able to concieve (well, once we did but that ended in miscarraige) and we probably shouldn't concieve anyway because of my husband's bad health and our future because of it. I do not have baby fever in any way, shape, or form, but I know that I would not regret it if it happened.


----------



## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I was very worried about the arrival of number 2. Our girls are 16 months apart. Our oldest weaned herself while I was pregnant, and I felt terrible about that. It seemed that every concern I had during my second pregnancy was about whether or not having a second child was the right thing to do.

Now, two years later, I have no regrets at all. Our girls are two and three, and I'm so glad that they have each other. There are challenges for sure, but I can't imagine life without two. I'm also very pleased with how the kids are learning to nagivate their relationship. They enjoy each others company, but are able to find their own space when they need it.


----------



## Maluhia (Jun 24, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lillbeetle* 
Not that my opinion matters, nor am I trying to sway you one way or the other. Your decision is obviously your own. But, I love having an only child. He doesn't have to fight with his siblings, we get to do whatever we want. Now that he is 3 we have so much fun going places and doing activities. We wouldn't do half of the things we get to do if we had to lug around a baby. Not to sound harsh, I love babies, just don't want another one! I just think that for us and our unique situation, having one perfect healthy boy is the best!!!
Bottom line is...there is nothing wrong with having an only child. Your family is still a family!!

YEAH!

I'd say don't do it if your not ready. My parents started trying early for my brother since I took so long - surprise, we are 18 months apart instead of years they expected!


----------



## Adasmommy (Feb 26, 2005)

I've always wanted several children but I had a little epiphany about my one and only while waiting for my husband to be ready for a second (we're pregnant now---yay!) . . . that it would be wonderful to have all of my attention and resources for my one dd and pursue life with her (and dh, of course) and that nothing would be missing from my life.

Even realizing that, I still want more. Number two is on the way, and if we stop there I know that I would be fully and completely happy, but since MY desire is to have several, I think that will make me happiest.

I don't think any number of children is going to make you happiest and most fulfilled unless it is as many as you want. So just decide if you want a child, and don't have one until you do!

I'm glad you are loving your family so much right now!


----------



## TranscendentalMom (Jun 28, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *bri276* 
sigh.

I wish sometimes that people could see how it feels to be a mom of an only and hear these types of things. it's like, in my mind I'm saying, "this person is talking about THEIR experience, and it's not a judgment on you", but it really just....feels like it.

yk, some people actually CAN'T have a second child, even if they wanted one. and though we know in our hearts our child is not bored, (or lonely, or spoiled), it kinda hurts thinking other people might look at them and think they are. happy families come in all sizes, shapes & colors.

And I wish parents of onlies could understand how it feels when you have 2, LOVE your 2 kids and find their sibling relationship beautiful and they say things like "we're only having 1 because we have it perfect right now, why mess it up?" or "siblings just fight all the time and often aren't close as adults anyway" I also know that its not MEANT to hurt, but it feels like they are dumping on your reality to make themselves feel better.


----------

