# 16 month old sitting up ALL NIGHT in crib



## mcjessica (Oct 30, 2005)

I haven't been on here for a while because we have been extremely busy, but have a problem that is just getting worse. My son Grayson is 16.5 months and we have been co-sleeping since he was a week old. Co-sleeping itself has been NO problem for us and I think saved my sanity in those early months. BUT, Gray never learned to fall asleep on his own. For 16 months, I have held him in my arms, nursing him, through every single nap and every bedtime, whenever I'm home (I have been working 4 days/week for the last few months). For my MIL, who keeps him on Fridays, he sleeps easily and she is able to rock him to sleep, then transfer him to the couch and he sleeps there just fine. For my husband and me, however, he has always *strongly* resisted being put down. We would wait till he achieved that floppy-limbed deep sleep, then gently ease him out of our arms or into his crib, to have him wake up screaming and frantic.

I finally read a lot about sleep associations and realize that, with us, he has learned that he can only sleep while nursing and/or being held. When sleeping with us, he still nurses about 60-80% of the night, and even if I think he's deeply asleep, if I try taking the nipple out of his mouth he wakes up and roots around like crazy. All of this is taking a major toll on all of us and I really want to help him learn to fall asleep on his own.

So, following the advice of my pediatrician/brother, and various other folks, we started Friday night with the crib. Usual soothing bedtime routine, then into the crib, cheerfully telling him it's "time to go night-night", then leaving. He cried for less than 5 minutes, then did a few minutes of angry muttering (that part was actually sort of funny), then was very quiet. We looked in on him and he was still sitting in the middle of the crib, just looking around. As far as we can tell, he stayed in that position, sitting up, ALL NIGHT LONG. For 10 hours. He only fussed one other time, for a minute or two around 1am, and then at 6am we got him and brought him back into bed for some nursing.

We have done this now for 4 nights, and each night he puts up a big fuss at the prospect of going into the crib, but cries for only 2-3 minutes... then spends the rest of the night sitting up. It's the most heart-breaking sight I've seen in a long time... he is clearly snoozing through most of the night, but will NOT LIE DOWN. 10 hours of sitting up - not even leaning against anything! His head does that bobbing/swaying thing that happens when you fall asleep sitting up, but I can't imagine that he's possibly getting any sort of quality rest. Last night it was all I could do to keep from picking him up and bringing him back to bed. I know that he needs to learn this self-soothing, sleeping alone stuff, but I can't help but feel just selfish for wanting just a little bit of time without holding him asleep. It's just horrible... should we stick with it? Anyone else encountered this problem? Ideas?

Many thanks in advance!


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## fireshifter (Sep 2, 2005)

:

We too are dealing with the learning to sleep without a boob in a mouth. I hope you get some sage advice.


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## WillyMom (May 1, 2007)

try laying him down and keeping your hand on him while he falls asleep laying down.


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## mcjessica (Oct 30, 2005)

I can try laying him down and keeping my hand there, but generally he wakes up screaming if I try it, and arches his back, gets all stiff, etc. He also seems more upset if he sees us, whereas if we stay out of the room he just sits quietly. I just feel so bad for him.







:


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

We haven't encountered this problem but I can say that it doesn't sound like crying it out and letting him sleep by himself is working. I absolutely don't think you should stick with it. Maybe you should try a more gradual approach?

First, can you try replacing the boob with a binky, while co-sleeping? At least for awhile? Maybe your mom could start letting him use a binky. I KNOW that people don't like binkies but if it's a binky or your boob, well...

Do you have a co-sleeper (one of those extensions to put on the bed)? After a week with the binky, could you slowly move him further, but keep your hand on him? I mean, literally an inch a night? Until he is nearly asleep by himself?

Or another idea... would your mother be willing to come over every night for a week to put him to bed? Maybe if he got used to sleeping alone in that crib it would help.

I also can't bear the thought of him sitting there and he's not even mine.
I know my suggestions might sound labour-intensive but at least it's you doing the work and not a baby who is still learning how to be a person.

Good luck mama.


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## ani'smommy (Nov 29, 2005)

Have you read the No-Cry Sleep Solution? I agree that a more gradual approach would be better. I think even five minutes of crying alone in a crib isn't a good thing. You wouldn't want his sleep association to be fear of abandonment.

I would try to very gradually try the Pantly-pull off and see if it works for you.







:


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## EdnaMarie (Sep 9, 2006)

double post... sleepy thoughts your baby's way...


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## east carolina (Apr 5, 2006)

Wow, I can totally understand that you feel for your little boy. If I were you, I would just follow your instinct and bring him back to your bed. It just doesn't sound to me like he's ready to sleep completely by himself if he just sits there all night.

I hope you find a solution that works for all of you. FWIW, I'm still co-sleeping and night-nursing my 26 month old, and while I'd of course love to have a full night's sleep, it honestly isn't so bad and most nights we all sleep pretty decently and I am definitely more confortable with this arrangement than if DS were out of our bed, not that we even have the space for that in our little apartment.

Positive sleeping vibes for all of you!


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## TiredX2 (Jan 7, 2002)

Both of my kids would only sleep in arms (or co-sleep during the night) at 16 months. They grew out of it on their own.

If co-sleeping was working for you, I would just go back to it. He has plenty of time to come to that place on his own.


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## RiverSky (Jun 26, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *izobelle* 
First, can you try replacing the boob with a binky, while co-sleeping? At least for awhile? Maybe your mom could start letting him use a binky. I KNOW that people don't like binkies but if it's a binky or your boob, well...

I agree, you should get a pacifier. Try a few brands and see which ones he prefers. My children always preferred the clear silicone ones (they don't taste like the brown ones do). I fear night-weaning at times because it might be hard to tell when your child might be going through a growth spurt or might be fighting off a bug and might just need a little extra breastmilk from you. Having a pacifier should help to soothe the need for sucking and clarify when there is a need for breastmilk.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *east carolina* 
Wow, I can totally understand that you feel for your little boy. If I were you, I would just follow your instinct and bring him back to your bed. It just doesn't sound to me like he's ready to sleep completely by himself if he just sits there all night.

I agree. Or what about at least moving his crib into your bedroom, like right beside your side of the bed, so he can sleep right beside you?

Please don't try cry it out anymore.







If your baby is sitting up all night, he must be miserable. Honestly, I think not all children are ready to put themselves to sleep, even at 16.5 months. Our son was into his 2s and he still greatly enjoyed going to sleep by being bounced on Daddy's knee. We tried to look at it as sweet and special, something fleeting that he would grow out of and that once he grew out of, we would miss.


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## riversong (Aug 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mcjessica* 

When sleeping with us, he still nurses about 60-80% of the night, and even if I think he's deeply asleep, if I try taking the nipple out of his mouth he wakes up and roots around like crazy. All of this is taking a major toll on all of us and I really want to help him learn to fall asleep on his own.


I agree that the crib doesn't seem to be working. I'd bring him back into your bed and try first to get him to stay asleep without your nipple in his mouth. I had the same problem and was able to get my dd to sleep next to me without keeping my boob in her mouth all night. Try nursing him to sleep and then really quickly pulling your nipple out of his mouth. It seems wrong, but it doesn't work if you take it out slowly. They just start to suck harder and pull it back in. If he'll take a pacifier, try putting it in his mouth after your nipple is out.

Good luck!


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## WillyMom (May 1, 2007)

After reading all the honest posts, I feel that I too must be honest.
It almost sounds almost like your little man is in schock. I think the PP idea of bringing the crib to your room sounds like a great idea.
How about starting him in the crib (lying down) and then when he wakes bring him in bed and then hopefully his stretches in his crib will go longer. Also, try staying with him as he falls asleep with your hand on him. BabyCenter has a video by the Sears family for a cosleeping family and that is what they suggested. 1.Stay with baby with hand on him as he falls asleep in crib. 2. Upon first waking bring back to bed with you. 3. gradually move the bringing im back to bed to the 3 or 4th waking.
Good luck.


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## mariel0419 (Apr 13, 2007)

I'm reading these posts and crying right now for the poor little guy sitting in his crib all night. My little one is 7 months and to say he's not a good sleeper is the understatement of the year. Right now, 16.5 months seems a long way for us and at the rate we are going my DS may still need me to go to sleep then too...

We started using a binky at 3 months and that has been a lifesaver because I was his pacifier for a while and I just couldn't function like that...I still nurse him to sleep then when I release myself, IF he roots around I pop the binky in. We only use it for naps, night and to help with crying fits in the car. Binkies get bad raps but it helped with my sanity...

Please bring the little guy back to bed...


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Please bring him back to bed so he can sleep. This is the saddest thing I've read in a long time. I understand trying it one night, but that was more than enough.

-Angela


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

It doesn't sound like he's ready to sleep in a crib all alone all night. Your heart is telling you the same thing- why else would you have so much trouble keeping yourself from picking him up during the night?

He does *NOT* "need to learn this self-soothing, sleeping alone stuff" at 16mo. He's still a baby right now. He'll naturally want to sleep on his own when he's ready- I can assure you, you won't have to nurse him to sleep when he's 15 no matter what you do!!!

How about a mattress on the floor of your bedroom- snuggle him to sleep, then go into your own bed, and he climbs in next to you whenever he wakes up at night?

How about the "roll over and play dead" technique? - he's in your bed, but instead of holding him all night you roll over so he's at your back and your arms are no longer around him, and you each have your own sleeping space while still sharing the bed. I did this a lot with my kids.


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## Shakti A. (Feb 16, 2007)

Quote:

How about starting him in the crib (lying down) and then when he wakes bring him in bed and then hopefully his stretches in his crib will go longer. Also, try staying with him as he falls asleep with your hand on him.
We used this with ds, gradually withdrawing from hand on him until he falls asleep to hand on him for awhile, but then you sit next to the crib without the hand on, to you rub his back for some time and then leave. All with minimal tears, all with the crib in our room and with him waking up and coming into bed between 4 and 6 to nurse and then go back to sleep.

I know I'm in the minority, but I can't see introducing a pacifier at 16 months, an age when many babies who used them have already given them up.


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## <<<Scarlet>>> (May 19, 2005)

Quote:

He cried for less than 5 minutes, then did a few minutes of angry muttering (that part was actually sort of funny), then was very quiet. We looked in on him and he was still sitting in the middle of the crib, just looking around. As far as we can tell, he stayed in that position, sitting up, ALL NIGHT LONG. For 10 hours.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
*Please bring him back to bed so he can sleep. This is the saddest thing I've read in a long time. I understand trying it one night, but that was more than enough.

-Angela*

I have to completely agree....Sounds like he's not ready to be sleeping alone in his crib....


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## XanaduMama (May 19, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ruthla* 
How about a mattress on the floor of your bedroom- snuggle him to sleep, then go into your own bed, and he climbs in next to you whenever he wakes up at night?

That's what I was going to suggest. This makes me very sad--he must be so confused. We also have a crappy sleeper here but are seeing signs of progress: he often unlatches and rolls over on his own and goes to sleep, or can be patted back to sleep w/out nursing (occasionally). Major progress over a few months ago! Hang in there.

(Oh, and I'm also skeptical about the pacifier idea--ds would have nothing of it, though he used one for a couple months early on.) Good luck.


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## Kailey's mom (Apr 19, 2007)

We sidecarred the crib to our bed for more room, and Kailey sleeps there for about 6 hours, than cuddles up to me. I could take some pics if you like to show you the set up, it's completely babyproofed, there is no way she can get out of bed,fall out, crawl out etc..If you think we're sleeping in a queen sized crib, well you're right







and it's perfect. and very rigged up. I definitily would bring him back to bed with you tonight, or sidecar the crib tonight. HUGS


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

I hope you don't feel worse after posting this...you're doing the best you can and he's not going to be permanently damaged by any of this. But it does sound as though it isn't working. I wouldn't continue it if he's sitting up all night.

What we've done when I've reached my limit is have dh take over. Ds then falls asleep on dh's body and they sleep in a sort of reclined position on a futon downstairs so I can get a little bit of consolidated sleep (usually about 3 hours, but it helps tremendously!).

All babies are different and he will learn to fall back to sleep without nursing. I think a lot of doctors generalize and babies just don't fit into formulas no matter how much doctors try to say they do! We're all so unique and I would try to follow your instincts on this one. If your dh is willing to take a shift with him at night, I would try that and see if that doesn't give you a little break.

It is so hard but it does get better. I have a 4yo who has been a great sleeper since about 2 1/2 or so. Not to say that it will take that long for your babe to get there, but it does happen. Hang in there.


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## WillyMom (May 1, 2007)

Shakti,
Your nights sound very similar to ours. DS starts in his crib after nurisng using the technique we both described earlier and is in our bed between 4-6. I really think OP may want to try this or something else.


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## bobica (May 31, 2004)

definitely read the no cry sleep solution- it has great advice for a gentle, gradual approach to better sleep for all.


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## BathrobeGoddess (Nov 19, 2001)

moved to toddlers


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## caragh (Jul 18, 2005)

Aww. The poor little guy. Nice picture by the way. Sounds like he's defeated and is just waiting for you to come back.
I have two girls. Shea("Shay") is 4 and Caoimhe("Keeva") is 18mnths. Shea slept with me through her infancy and toddlerhood. Caoimhe on the other hand, didn't mind the crib and since Shea was already in our bed, we taught Caoimhe to stay where she was (in the crib) from day one. I can honestly say now, that I miss Caoimhe at night. I find myself trying to get her to fall asleep on me, but she points to her crib instead. =(
What I'm trying to say is, go with your heart. Sleeping with a baby isn't always easy, but it doesn't last forever, and soon enough they won't want to have anything to do with us =)
I agree with trying the pacifier, that way you can get more sleep. At his age, if he's healthy, he doesn't need milk.
The only story I've heard that is sadder than yours, in terms of babies and sleep is this...
My eldest brother, when he was scared, would come out of his room and try to crawl into my parents bed, but my dad wouldn't let him...eventually my brother understood this, my mom would wake up in the morning to find her son sleeping at their door jam...he was too scared to sleep in his own room, but knew he was not wanted in their bed. I swear that has something to do with why he always needs to belong to a group. A franternity, the airforce etc.
Don't deny the little guy if you can avoid it.


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## MamaKalena (Jun 17, 2005)

I can understand your desperation and frustration...16 months straight of nursing to sleep and being velcroed to your kid is rough.







. But it definitely sounds like it's a little too much for him all at once and he needs a more gradual transition?

At 2.5 DS still nurses to sleep, but we've been lucky because he'll sleep for 4-5 hours by himself before waking and needing to be nursed back to sleep. (BTW, he won't go to sleep for DH, but my mom and sisters can do it! What's up with that!?)

Maybe you can put his crib in your room or a mattress on the floor next to your bed? That way you can lay down with him to soothe him when he wakes. I'd also suggest reading How Weaning Happens. It has good advice for making the weaning process easier.


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## Cutie Patootie (Feb 29, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna* 
Please bring him back to bed so he can sleep. This is the saddest thing I've read in a long time. I understand trying it one night, but that was more than enough.

-Angela









:...I wish we had a "yeah that" smilie that wasn't smiling.







:


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## MamaKalena (Jun 17, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *caragh* 
Aww. The poor little guy. Nice picture by the way. Sounds like he's defeated and is just waiting for you to come back.
I have two girls. Shea("Shay") is 4 and Caoimhe("Keeva") is 18mnths. Shea slept with me through her infancy and toddlerhood. Caoimhe on the other hand, didn't mind the crib and since Shea was already in our bed, we taught Caoimhe to stay where she was (in the crib) from day one. I can honestly say now, that I miss Caoimhe at night. I find myself trying to get her to fall asleep on me, but she points to her crib instead. =(
What I'm trying to say is, go with your heart. Sleeping with a baby isn't always easy, but it doesn't last forever, and soon enough they won't want to have anything to do with us =)
I agree with trying the pacifier, that way you can get more sleep. At his age, if he's healthy, he doesn't need milk.
The only story I've heard that is sadder than yours, in terms of babies and sleep is this...
My eldest brother, when he was scared, would come out of his room and try to crawl into my parents bed, but my dad wouldn't let him...eventually my brother understood this, my mom would wake up in the morning to find her son sleeping at their door jam...he was too scared to sleep in his own room, but knew he was not wanted in their bed. I swear that has something to do with why he always needs to belong to a group. A franternity, the airforce etc.
Don't deny the little guy if you can avoid it.

Oh boy. I am not a cryer but this made my eyes well-up. Your poor brother! A "friend" of ours does something similar. Their 3-year-old finally figured out how to climb out of his crib so he started trying to get in bed with mom and dad. They told him he can't get in bed with them until 6 a.m. so they showed him how to recognize that on their clock and he stands there waiting until he can get in. If he comes down too early they give him a blanket to sleep on the floor next to their bed (tile, no carpet or mattress in the basement!). I have a hard time looking them in the eye.


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## mothertoall (Dec 30, 2005)

I know you are doing the best you can...and with all the conflicting information out there it is hard to know whats the best to do .
do what feels right for you....and your baby.
He seems to need you right now ....and at 16mos. .....he really is still a baby. My almost 3 yo ds still night nurses and well, while I would rather he didn't ......he is still little.....but won't be forever....and remembering that helps me get through.
You can get your little one to sleep w/ you w/ out nursing all night....it will take some work and will be more gradual than you might like. But it will be gentler , I think, than allowing him to sit up in what appears to be a very unhappy state . Please , bring him back to you.....try getting him to nurse less at night but keep him with you mama....I feel he still needs you ...and after having that constant nighttime contact.....he most likely really misses YOU.


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## Tilia (Nov 18, 2006)

I always rocked my baby to sleep and thought I would be doing that until she was 5. One time, it just clicked and she figured out how to go to sleep on her own. Then she wouldn't let me rock her for very long and wanted to be put down in her crib. I think she was 16 months old. (Although, I never nursed to sleep except when she was tiny, I unlatched and she uses a binky.)

Now we do a nighttime routine which includes books, milk, low lights, cuddles and jammies. Then she goes to sleep on her own. Every night you have to do the same thing. I give her dolly, put her on her side, put the blanket around her and sneak out. I also leave a small fan running in her doorway for white noise.


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## North_Of_60 (May 30, 2006)

This thread is so sad.









DD is 15 months old and is currently curled up under my arm sleeping (we're on the bed - wireless laptop). She takes 9 out of 10 naps like this, nurses to sleep at night, and sleeps in her crib that we side-carred.

I just cannot imagine making her sleep on her own. And I absolutely cannot imagine leaving her in a crib, sitting up alone, for TEN hours. Not even for one night.

I'm sorry that people have told you this needs to be done, but it does not. Do not listen to them. Listen to your child.

Him screaming in your bed, in your loving arms, listening to your soothing voice, while he learns to sleep without nursing as much is WORLDS better then sitting up alone in his crib for 10 hours at a time, night after night. That kind of behavior is probably out of shock, a feeling of abandonment, or he feels defeated.

My daughter used to latch on every 45 minutes, and with my chronic pain issues it made getting comfortable really difficult, which resulted in more pain. I had to break the cycle because what we were doing just wasn't working. She cried. I'll admit it. But she wasn't alone, and I was doing everything within my power (which didn't hurt me) to sooth her. We have gone from nursing 10 times a night, to nursing 3 times, and she never cried alone in her crib. Not once.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

Listen to your own instincts. Our 20 month old is still rocked or nursed to sleep by us (then put in her crib). I have done CIO in times of sheer desparation, it is horrible, and I swear it doesn't really work. My MIL and SMIL have told us "She will always need to be rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep if you don't let her CIO." Funny thing is that I spoke with someone with a 23 year old, and amazingly enough even though she rocked and nursed him to sleep until he was 2, he doesn't need to do it anymore.
Get the No Cry Sleep Solution (there is one out for toddlers and preschoolers). Find something that will work for your family without causing you heart ache.


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## Clarinet (Nov 3, 2005)

I thought I'd lose my mind around 18 months old when we were still waking up 4 and 5 times a night. But I toughed it out and now at 22 1/2 months, she's slept from about 9 to 7 for the last four days straight! I thought that would never happen with her still sleeping with us but it did.

You don't have to sleep with your baby if you don't want to but there's lots nicer ways of accomplishing that without your baby sitting up in his crib for 10 hours. If you think about it, he's totally trapped. He can't get out. You won't help him and he sounds miserable.


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