# Standing in the corner?



## Greensleeves (Aug 4, 2004)

Did anyone else have to stand in the corner when they were a child? Is this the equivalent of time-out nowadays?

I don't remember it as being all that bad

There were sometimes the corner-standing crossed into abusive, like when we would be standing there for hours.

But for short periods of time it was okay.

So I guess what I'm asking is, why did "corner standing" fall out of favor?

This is mostly just out of curiosity, I'm not advocating for or against it.


----------



## Niamh (Jan 17, 2005)

Corner standing in our family was abuse, pure and simple.

I think that my mom started it as a "time-out" for herself. She could keep an eye on the offender, but not be in contact with them. It didn't stay that way for long.

We had to stand there for a minimum of 20 minutes (not too long-comparatively). I regularly got several 4 or 5 hour stints and I had one brother who was there for 22 hours. Without being allowed to go to the bathroom. If you were "in the corner" you got no bathroom breaks, drink, or food. You could not interact with anybody around you and if someone (like a sibling) interacted with you by merely smiling or by trying to sneak you food, they got stuck in the corner also.

I think that even without the extremes that my mom went to, standing in the corner is worse than timeouts because it involved humiliation. Standing in the corner for the mildest parents involved standing with your nose in the corner. You were being told that you weren't acting appropriately for present company so you had to be shunned. You were there for all to see, with your nose in the corner.

I think that those who practice time-outs, for the most part, have no thought of humiliating the child by doing so-I think they believe that it's a kinder, gentler approach than standing in the corner or spanking-which it is.


----------



## Slabobbin (Jan 29, 2004)

Wow Niamh. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.


----------



## Nora'sMama (Apr 8, 2005)

Niamh, that is horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

My 2nd grade teacher used the nose-in-the-corner punishment frequently for such things as talking to one's neighbor, throwing an eraser to another student, etc. I recall the periods of time as being 20 minutes for a minor offense and 40 minutes for a graver offense. It was humiliating and very difficult to stand still like that. I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE 4-5 hour stints! That falls under the heading of torture...seriously.


----------



## LizaBear (Feb 1, 2003)

I can remember standing in a corner for hours as a child too









Yet, even with that memory, I have had my son (3 1/2 now) stand in the corner or against a wall. For him though - it's for a couple of minutes (up to about 5) max, and he's not denied bathroom if he needs it. It seems to work better than a basic "time out" for him because it cuts out visual stimulation and he settles down very quickly. He'll stand there, and after about 15 seconds close his eyes and lean his head on the wall.

He also decides how long his time lasts - he'll stand for a few seconds, or a few minutes, then turn around and say to me "I'm all done now", and it's over.

He's learning already that he feels better if he cuts out the stimulation, and will occasionally go into his room and lay on his bed with his blanket over his head for a few minutes during the day when his sister is pestering him. MUCH better than lashing out at her in my book.


----------



## abac (Mar 10, 2005)

I was stood in the corner as a child and sent to sit on my bed for time-out (although it wasn't called that.) It was never humiliating for me, but I was never put in the corner in front of company. I don't know how long I had to stand there, but it certainly wasn't anywhere close to 20 minutes!!! My mother soon gave up on that method because I would happily stand there and sing to pass the time. Same with time-out on my bed.

So, it was never something that bothered me as a child, but it wasn't extreme in any way.

I'll still never do that to my child though.


----------



## Jish (Dec 12, 2001)

I have a friend who uses this as a regular timeout method, but she keeps it to one minute per year of age, like a normal timeout. However, she makes them touch the wall with their nose which I think is a bit harsh.

The only time I made my son stand in a corner was when we were in a hotel room and the boys were all going insane and I needed to get them to calm down. I sent my oldest (the instigator) to the corner to stand because there was no other place for him to go to get him out of the way. He proceded to keep turning around to get his brothers going again, so I did tell him to lean his forehead against the wall. Then as soon as they all were quiet I explained how if they kept the noise level that loud, that we were going to get kicked out and have to go home and end our trip early. They were calm enough by that point to listen and understand and quiet down.

However, I would never use this as a regular technique. It seems just a little wrong to me. I can't even comment on how wrong it is to leave children standing there for hours. That's just abusive.


----------



## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I think that when time outs first came into fashion, they were meant to be used differently than they are now used. I think that for the majority of parents who use time outs, it's exactly the same as standing in the corner. How many families have a 'naughty chair'? I doubt many on MDC, but it is pretty common elsewhere. I always thought the point of time out was to offer a child the chance to calm down and for the caregiver help them come up with a better way to express what they are feeling. Not a punishment for bad behavior but a tool for parents to help the child learn alternatives.


----------



## irinam (Oct 27, 2004)

I was made to stand in the corner. Not for hours, but still









All I remember is how humiliating it was. Then it became just a part of everyday life (or almost everyday)

Ask me if I remember what it was for or if I "learned" anything from it... nope.

It did not make me a better person.

It made me feel 1)sorry for myself 2)resentment towards my parents 3)stupid for being caught

I don't think I am scarred for life because of it, LOL (I had my share of spankings too). May be my parents got something out of it, I dunno. May they thought it will make me change who I am. May be they did not care about who I am, but only about how I acted (that I somewhat changed to avoid the corner thing)

So I don't do it. I don't think it teaches anything valuable. The way I see it - every behaviour has a reason. Putting my child in the corner would not help me (or her) find that reason.


----------

