# i lost my baby at 34 weeks (cord accident)



## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

***Birth story with pictures on post #26

i really didn't think i would be posting here this time. i've had 2 mc's and i was so far along and planning the birth.

i don't have time to post my whole story yet. my midwives are arriving for a home visit in half an hour but i needed to write something down and get some of this out of me.

matthew was born at 34 weeks at friday, may 29. i didn't feel movement for 12 hours, so went to see midwives and then after, to the hospital. ultrasound confirmed death and since he was transverse and not able to be moved, i had a c-section. i spent 3 days with him before going home and now we are planning his burial.

i will be back later today to post my whole story. i really need to get it out.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)

I am so sorry. Your heart must ache for your precious Matthew.


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## Mosaic (Jun 20, 2005)

I am so sorry. There are so many women here who have felt this pain, and I pray that the support will bring you comfort and healing.


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## alternamama82 (May 28, 2009)

Oh mama!!!
I have found alot of amazing support here, these ladies are awesome. I am so sorry for your loss, and that you had to have a c-section. It is a very difficult journey, we can lean on each other. I've found some comfort in writing and sharing my experience with others and hope you will too. There is nothing more painful than leaving the hospital without your baby. You're in my thoughts.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Oh honey, I am so, so so sorry... I lost Josie and had to have a section with her as well. My brother Finn died at 34 weeks as well, because of a placental abruption. I am so very sorry... I've been there and so have many other mamas on this section of MDC.

We will be here to help and help heal some of the hurt. We all love and support one another on this board - you're in the right place. *HUGE hugs* and so much love, and support and gentle vibes going to your family from ours. XXXXXXX


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry about the loss of your beautiful Matthew. I also had to have a c-section for Lachlan and it was just so scary. ((hugs)) I wish you had your matthew in your arms, I'm so so sorry.


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## LouisianaMomma (Mar 25, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Christie, I am so very sorry Mama, so sad for you
that your precious son is not in your arms.















Matthew

I'm sorry you have the need to be here, 'though you
will find that this is a wonderfully supportive group of
loss Mamas.
My son also died from a cord accident.


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## sebandg'smama (Oct 29, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss.
-Melanie


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## Mom to E and A (Jul 11, 2005)

Hugs to you. I am sorry.
I lost Elise at 36 weeks to a cord accident in early April and feel as though I have been in a fog ever since, but I will say that the pain is not as RAW now as it was 2 months ago (wow, 2 months seems so long)
The best asvice I got was on here when mamas kept telling me to be gentle with myself. I still have to remember to do that.
PLEASE PM me if you want to talk. It might do us both some good. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I have made a very good friend from another board who lost her son to a cord accident 2 days before Elise and she was invaluable to me at the start (and still is) I would love to be able to share that with someone else who is suffering the worst tragedy that only one who has been there can understand.
Hang in there mama! (((((hugs))))


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

I am so very sorry, mama.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

I am so very, very sorry that precious Matthew isn't with you.

I hope you get a lot of love and support from being here with us.


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## no5no5 (Feb 4, 2008)

Matthew

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## [email protected] mama (May 9, 2009)

I'm so very sorry for this terrible loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## girlygirl707 (Apr 23, 2009)

My heart aches that you are without your little Matthew. I lost my daughter Marissa on 4/4/09 at 38 weeks to a cord accident. My first baby. It is the hardest thing in my opinion you will ever go through. I pray that you find peace. I have finally came to the realization this week that it does get easier as time passes. You won't wake up one morning and notice the change, but when you look back to the beginning of this tradegy, you will see how strong of a woman you are. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk or vent. I know for me, knowing that other women went through the exact same loss was weirdly comforting. I still struggle each day but like I said, it does get easier with time.







Matthew


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## SMR (Dec 21, 2004)

I'm so very sorry


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

I'm so very sorry, mama.







My heart goes out to you. These forums offer so much support. If it wasn't for many of these ladies I would be in a much different place mentally and emotionally. I hope you stick around. My thoughts are with you and yours.























Matthew


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## Eliseatthebeach (Sep 20, 2007)

I am so deeply sorry mama


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

Matthew
I'm so sorry mama. I wish this would stop happening. I hope you find the same kind of support that I received here (((HUGS)))


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Oh no. No no no...







I am so very sorry, Christie. I hate this road, I wish none of us ever had to start down it. The loss is so unbearable, beyond description. Yes, be gentle with yourself. It's so hard, it hurts so much, and there's nothing any one of us could possibly say to make it better. Just know that we're here, we're listening. We know.

HUGS.


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

Oh, Christie, I am loving you and praying for you.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

thank you, thank you for every word. i'm trying to spend some time with the kids right now but still need to come back tonight to write the story.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
thank you, thank you for every word. i'm trying to spend some time with the kids right now but still need to come back tonight to write the story.

Yes, please do share your story when and if you're ready. And if you have pictures of your Matthew, and feel like you want to share them, you can. We'd love to see your sweet little guy.

More HUGS.







:


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## loon13 (Dec 2, 2002)

I am so sorry. Many many hugs.


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## Manessa (Feb 24, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that you will find much love and support (as I have) from the women in this group.
















Matthew


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

ok, let me see if i can put my thoughts together.

on friday morning, i woke up suddenly at 5AM and realized that the baby hadn't moved in several hours. dh tried to reassure me that everything was ok, i should go back to sleep. i ate and drank some, still no movement but decided to relax and just go back to sleep. woke up few hours later and called the midwives. at their suggestion, i drank caffeine and a granola bar and sat for 15 mins. still no movement.

i was strangely calm as i packed the kids up and drove the 45 mins. to drop them off at mom's and go down the street to my midwive's home office. i must have been lying there 10 mins. while they checked his position and for heartbeat. i was shocked but held it together while we decided on the most midwife friendly hospital in the area and drove together to the er.

dh met us at the hospital and the 4 of us went in for the ultrasound. the doctor and nurse were very kind but it all felt so intrusive. i haven't seen a doctor for pregnancy since 14 years ago and i hated being touched, checked and monitored. the ultrasound showed no heartbeat and baby with the cord around his neck.

the dr explained to me that the baby was transverse and it appeared that the cord wsa short. she tried briefly to manually turn him but she decided that the cord wsa just too short for him to be turned for a vaginal birth. my midwives were there to help me digest this all and even they agreed that it would be safest to have a csection.

everything happened so quickly. i was SO scared and it seemed immediate that they were starting my iv and preparing me. one of my midwives handed me a beautiful hat that she knit for him to keep with me during the surgery. getting the spinal was really painful and scary. i don't remember much of the surgery, i just remember turning my head to see that dh was already holding the baby all bundled up next to my head.

the midwives met us back in my recovery room and they stayed for hours, taking pictures while he got his footprints, measured and weighed. he weighed 4# 9oz and 17 1/2 inches long. i wsa in a daze for most of this time and am so grateful for the pictures to remember. my mom brought the kids later that night and they held him and touched him.

i spent the next 3 days in the hospital, keeping baby matthew with me almost the entire time. we coslept the first night but after seeing how quickly his skin was changing, i sent him down to the morgue every night after that. i was amazed that being kept cold really reversed the skin darkening so every morning he would look nice and pink.

i examined his whole body, dressed him in a diaper, cozy sleeper and matching hat. i brushed his hair too. i made sure to hold him in every possible position. my midwives helped me get him in the position with his head on my heart. that was so emotional holding his cold head on my bare chest with his hands curled up on me, just the way i always held my other babies.

saying goodbye to him when i left the hospital was the hardest thing i have ever done. i panicked at the lsat minute and started screaming, grabbing for him back, trying to smell him so i would always remember and then after they took him, i grabbed at my useless breasts and just screamed hysterically. i really thought i would go crazy.

coming home to the kids and house wsa very strange. i'm adjusting to life back at home, trying to keep busy. i have a box filled with his things, lock of his hair, etc.

i feel very sad for women who don't get to see and hold their baby. that was probably the only thing that got me through this.

thanks for reading this if you made it all the way through.

here are a few pictures of him. my midwife took the one of me holding him and i took the other two.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3602/...c880f3d160.jpg

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3654/...f1eaf7442c.jpg

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2470/...187ea70af3.jpg


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

He's beautiful, mama. Simply beautiful.


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## Abismommy (Jul 3, 2008)

I could not read and not post. I am so very sorry mama. So so sorry.
Hugs to every mommy who has lost their precious angels.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

What a beautiful boy. I am so glad you held and held and held him. I wish I'd had more time with my baby - it's one of my biggest regrets. How can we know what we need in those moments? How can we know?

Did Matthew have a middle name?

How are you recovering (physically, I mean?)


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

thank you.

dawn, i'm sorry you didn't have more time with your baby. it makes my heart ache to think of not enough time. i know wha tyou mean about not knowing what we need at the time. that is why i'm so grateful that my midwives were there the whole time. they guided me through the whole thing, telling me to enjoy every second, touch him, examine everything because it would be all that i had to get me through. looking back, i wish i had been less afraid of breaking him and held him even more.

he doesn't have a middle name but my 5 year old has decided his middle name will be jason.

physically, i'm doing pretty well. the incision is h4ealing good, not too too much pain. i'm waking up every hour but overall, sleeping enough. i'm forcing myself to drink LOTS of fluids and eat healthy foods. i'm scared of falling into depression so i try to do anything that seems healthy, yk?


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
thank you.

dawn, i'm sorry you didn't have more time with your baby. it makes my heart ache to think of not enough time. i know wha tyou mean about not knowing what we need at the time. that is why i'm so grateful that my midwives were there the whole time. they guided me through the whole thing, telling me to enjoy every second, touch him, examine everything because it would be all that i had to get me through. looking back, i wish i had been less afraid of breaking him and held him even more.

he doesn't have a middle name but my 5 year old has decided his middle name will be jason.

physically, i'm doing pretty well. the incision is h4ealing good, not too too much pain. i'm waking up every hour but overall, sleeping enough. i'm forcing myself to drink LOTS of fluids and eat healthy foods. i'm scared of falling into depression so i try to do anything that seems healthy, yk?


Grief and depression look (and feel) a lot alike. The funny thing about it, though, is if you don't do grief... you end up with depression.









I'm glad you're healing well and taking good care of yourself (and I hope you have others around taking good care of you, too?)

And I'm so glad you had your MW's with you, telling you. Every woman should have a midwife through this process. I only had a few hours with him - three days seems like an eternity, and yet of course, it would never be enough. And I know, too many mothers get no time at all. (Still can't believe that's true, but I know it is...)

Matthew Jason... beautiful.







:


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

Oh my goodness he is so beautiful. Thinking of you and Matthew...


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## MiracleMama (Sep 1, 2003)

Matthew is beautiful. I'm so very sorry you lost him.


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## ~Mamaterra~ (Jul 5, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
saying goodbye to him when i left the hospital was the hardest thing i have ever done. i panicked at the lsat minute and started screaming, grabbing for him back, trying to smell him so i would always remember and then after they took him, i grabbed at my useless breasts and just screamed hysterically. i really thought i would go crazy.


Oh Mama...just sobbing, tears streaming.

I'm so, so sorry. So sorry that you had to do the unimaginable. So, so sorry.

Please be gentle and take all the time you need for whatever you need. No one should ever have to go through what you have. No one.


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## Fireflyforever (May 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 

i examined his whole body, dressed him in a diaper, cozy sleeper and matching hat. i brushed his hair too. i made sure to hold him in every possible position. my midwives helped me get him in the position with his head on my heart. that was so emotional holding his cold head on my bare chest with his hands curled up on me, just the way i always held my other babies.

I did that too. Having my little girl's naked body curled up next to mine is one of my most precious, precious memories.

He is an absolutely stunning little boy and I can only say again how sorry I am. I'm crying for Matthew, for my Emma and for our all our babies who should be here but aren't.


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

I'm so, so sorry.









Those pictures are beautiful and heartwrenching. What a blessing to have them and to have been able to spend time holding him and saying goodbye to him. I'm glad that you were able to do that.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Oh honey, your son is beautiful. I too coslept with Josie the first night - that and the morphine got me through. *Click, click* with the morphine every ten minutes, holding my baby...living a fantasy for just that first night...

I know also what you mean about never getting to hold the baby. My MIL had her son, Joseph, at about 30 weeks back in 1958 and they didn't let her see him either. Being a Catholic hospital, they called him Joseph and just took him away. It's so terribly heartbreaking and that action by them did nothing to soothe her grief.

I wrote my birth story about three days after losing Josie. Some ladies wait: I had to get it out of me as quickly and as often as possible. Perhaps you're the same way.

I am crying for you. I am SO, so sorry this happened to you and little Matthew. You are _always_ welcome to share pictures here, because believe me, I know that losing him has not made you any less proud to be his mommy.

*HUGE, heartfelt hugs* XXXXXXXXX


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## Vespertina (Sep 30, 2006)

Reading your story brings back so many painful memories. It left me in tears. I'm so very sorry, mama. He is so beautiful. Just lovely. I, too, wish I had more time with Duncan. I regret not taking notice to lack of movement earlier on. I tell myself that maybe if I knew sooner I would have had more time with him. By the time I had him he had been gone three or so days and the deterioration process was well underway. I wanted to keep him much longer, but he was deteriorating fast. It was painful seeing him that way. If I only knew sooner I could have kept him longer.

I hope you make this place your home away from home. I'm so sorry you don't have Matthew with you.


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## AbbeyWH (Feb 3, 2009)

I am so sorry for your lost Matthew









the final word on how i lost my Milos was also a cord accident in labor (although we will really never know)
i wouldn't have been able to make it through these past few months and wouldn't know how to carry on without the women here








we understand momma, and are listening to your story as it evolves









your son was beautiful! i am weeping with you and your family...


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## lazucchini (Nov 21, 2003)

Christy, I'm so sorry to hear your story. You've been on my mind a lot lately and now I know why......... I do wish I'd known so we could have offered comfort and help last week.
Please know you're in our prayers and have our love.
Kathy


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## iamama (Jul 14, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## AlumofUF (Nov 12, 2008)

I'm so very sorry for your loss....you have come to the right place where you willl find understanding and support.......prayers go out for you and your family.....








Matthew


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## Snuzzmom (Feb 6, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

it feels so good to have people read my story and look at his pictures. i want to shout it to everyone that he was alive and he was my baby!!!

i wish i could go back and respond to you all individually because all of your words are so helpful.

i have "real" milk now but there's less of it and i'm not as full as i wsa yesterday. i've gotten suggestions to bind myself with a bandage or use cabbage leaves but i can't. i need to feel all of this postpartum stuff.


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## Authentic_Mother (Feb 25, 2007)

Mama, Matthew was BEAUTIFUL and Pefect! Im so glad you shared his photos!
Im so sorry that you lost him and Im sorry there is nothing I can say to make it better.
Just know that you are in a good place on this board. The ladies here from all stages of loss are amazing and everyone has great advice and understanding to offer to you.
(((hugs))) to you Mama.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Wait a minute with the milk: I did an amazing - AMAZING healing ritual with mine. I cannot tell you how much it helped me and want to share it with you before it's too late.

When Josie was buried, on the Monday, we received just SO many plants. Later that week, I felt my milk was just going to waste and pining for a baby it couldn't go to: my body was crying. So, I expressed some milk and did two things with it:

One half, I took and froze in a container. The other half I mixed with some water. I took the milk/water mixture and watered all of the plants in the house with it. That way, it was nourishing something alive, you know? Helping something grow - fulfilling some purpose. The frozen milk I took, with my mother, about two weeks later to Josie's grave. I put it under her wreath out of the container and let it seep down into the earth. Then, some was going to her.

Once I'd done this, I felt an incredible weight lift. Just felt so much calmer. The ritual was so healing, I have to share it. Now, we have the plants in our house, growing and thriving and there is some of my milk in the ground at Josie's final resting place.

If you wanted, you could even modify that and see how you feel about it: I couldn't _not_ share though. Not when it brought me so much healing. *HUGE hugs* XXX


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

that is a wonderful idea! i felt a little thrill when i read it. i am definitely going to do something like this. i suppose i will break down all over again when i feel my milk let down but that would probably be good too. thank you.


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## [email protected] mama (May 9, 2009)

Your story is so heartwrenching. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful boy. Sending you love and support.


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## lovebug (Nov 2, 2004)

I could not read and not post. i have tears in my eye! you are so strong mama and have a beautiful boy! i am so, so, so sorry for your loss! my heart and thougths go to you and your family! Bless you all!


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## lisa_nc (Jul 25, 2008)

He's so beautiful, mama.


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## JayJay (Aug 1, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
that is a wonderful idea! i felt a little thrill when i read it. i am definitely going to do something like this. i suppose i will break down all over again when i feel my milk let down but that would probably be good too. thank you.

No problem mama







It's just when some other ladies found out about that, they said to me that they wished they'd know earlier. So I wanted to pass it on







When my milk let down I didn't really feel sad - more like it was for a purpose. After that, my milk dried up fairly quickly and there were no more really engorged days. It was as though my body said "oh, yes, now I've done what I was supposed to and can let go a little bit".









XXX


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## namaste_mom (Oct 21, 2005)

Matthew is stunningly beautiful! (((HUGS))) mama

I tried the cabbage leaves when I got really engorged. They helped but I think it is because the leaves were cold and they are shaped like a breast. Anything cold will probably do.


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## Unconventional1 (Apr 3, 2006)

Your beautiful boy is lucky to have such a loving momma. I am so sorry for you and your family. It isn't fair that there are so many mommas on this road. It seems like so many recently too....

I love the milk idea, it would be so healing to have something nourished and growing since your babe was a part of you for so long, but not at home in your arms....


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## kparker (Sep 11, 2008)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was DDC crashing to keep an eye on another friend and saw your post there... and I could not leave without giving you my condolences. He's such a gorgeous little one, and I'm glad you got to spend time with him.


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## zubeldia (Jan 15, 2009)

Oh, honey, he is beautiful, just beautiful. It's heartbreaking.. and my heart is breaking for you as I read this, but I am so touched by you, by your love for your sweet, sweet boy.

Today I had lunch with a friend who suffered such a loss 4 years ago. Spending time with her daughter, holding her, taking photographs and _being_ with her for as long as she was able, have been life saving for her. I'm so glad you have some memories to cherish.

Sending many many hugs your way







s

ZUbee


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## ChesapeakeBorn (Jun 23, 2007)

Mama, we are holding you in our hearts right now and weeping with you. Matthew is just gorgeous. May you find hope and healing.


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## famille_huggins (Mar 30, 2007)

Christy -- Matthew is so lovely. I cannot tell you just how sorry I am for your heartbreaking loss...


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

Christie, what a beautiful boy.
I'm so glad you shared his story and photos.
Again, I am so terribly sorry.


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## Dalene (Apr 14, 2008)

Oh mama, I'm just so sorry. He is such a beautiful little boy.


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## mama24-7 (Aug 11, 2004)

for you, Matthew & your family. Words can't express...the tears are flowing.

Sus


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## ledzepplon (Jun 28, 2004)

What a beautiful boy. I'm so sorry, mama . . .


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

Oh mama I am so sorry for your loss


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## hollytheteacher (Mar 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Mamaterra~* 
Oh Mama...just sobbing, tears streaming.

I'm so, so sorry. So sorry that you had to do the unimaginable. So, so sorry.

Please be gentle and take all the time you need for whatever you need. No one should ever have to go through what you have. No one.

Me too. Tears are just rushing down my face. I wish I could reach the computer and give you a GIANT hug.

The pictures are BEAUTIFUL! What a sweet looking little guy. I know there are no right words to say, but I am thinking of you and your family and wishing you the best.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

How are you today?








:

Thinking of you and Matthew...


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## Delicateflower (Feb 1, 2009)

Christie, I am so terribly terribly sorry. He was a beautiful baby.


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## mom-to-jj (Sep 8, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
it feels so good to have people read my story and look at his pictures. i want to shout it to everyone that he was alive and he was my baby!!!

I am trying to see the computer screen through all these blurry tears. Matthew is beautiful, Christie. Your story was so poignant and moving. I'm sure everyone who read it will remember your son. Yes, he was alive, and he was your precious, beloved baby.

My heart just aches for you, and I couldn't read without telling you that you're in my thoughts and prayers.


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## NaturalMindedMomma (Feb 5, 2007)

I really can't think of anything to say. I am in total shock for you. My heart aches for you. My fiance lost his 3rd son in December of 2007. I see the pain and fear and love in his eyes as he watches my belly grow with this baby and my heart aches for him.

I am so so sorry for your loss and your pain. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## eloise24 (Nov 17, 2005)

Christy, your son is so beautiful, those pictures are precious. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## maisiedotes (Jan 2, 2005)

I am so, so sorry. He is beautiful, I wish I had more time with my son.


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love.

well, we have a plan for next week that i feel ok about. tuesday, we go to the mortuary where i will hold him one more time (with the blanket covering his face because the owner says he's changed a alot) and we will put anything in the casket that we want him to have. then wednesday is the burial and possibly small service. i feel really good that the last time holding him will be immediately before the service because then i don't have to struggle anymore with the should i, shouldn't i go hold him again? that is really tearing me up more than anything right now.


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## ChinaDoll (Jul 27, 2003)

I'm so sorry







:

Thank you for sharing your son with us


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## Seedlings (Dec 20, 2007)

Mamma I am so sorry







. Matthew is a beautiful baby and he feels all of our love for him, you and your family. Peace and love to you on Tuesday and hold him close.


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## Amy&4girls (Oct 30, 2006)

I am so sorry for your loss of precious little Matthew. He is beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## ColoradoMama (Nov 22, 2001)

I am so sorry.







Thank you for sharing your son with your story and your pictures. I feel honored to be able to share in his life.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *calmom* 
thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love.

well, we have a plan for next week that i feel ok about. tuesday, we go to the mortuary where i will hold him one more time (with the blanket covering his face because the owner says he's changed a alot) and we will put anything in the casket that we want him to have. then wednesday is the burial and possibly small service. i feel really good that the last time holding him will be immediately before the service because then i don't have to struggle anymore with the should i, shouldn't i go hold him again? that is really tearing me up more than anything right now.

I didn't think I would want to hold him again at the funeral home, but it was sooo good and so right and so perfect, the moment she put my baby back in my arms. I was so hormonal and crazy inside and the instant I had him against my breast, my whole body relaxed, like it was saying, "Oh THAT was what we were missing, thank you!" Giving him back was the hard part. Insane thoughts of running away with my baby - dead or not, I didn't care.

Thinking of you and Matthew... sending much love...







:


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## KimL (May 16, 2009)

Oh my goodness! You are a very strong woman with a very strong family. I wish you all the best in healing your heart. Your baby is beautiful and I'm so sorry.


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## preggymeaggy (Jul 25, 2006)

oh mama....your Matthew is just perfect and beautiful. I am crying so hard from reading your story. I wish you healing and calm. I am so so sorry you have to be here.

I have a very good friend in your DDC. I was with her just today, and the two of us were thinking of you...sending you our love. My thoughts are with you as you work through this horrible horrible process.

Please let us know how everything goes on Tuesday..and beyond.


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## TTC Catholic (Jul 7, 2008)

Calmom,

I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, and there are no words to tell you how much my heart hurts for you. I know there isn't anything anyone can say to make it easier. The only thing that's been said to me that has helped at all with the pain is that time doesn't necessarily heal the pain; it only makes it more bearable. My mom, who also lost a child & had a C-section, told me this.

Please know that, from one bereaved mother to another, many hugs and prayers are with you. If I can do anything for you, please let me know.

Love
~ Kristin

[email protected]


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## calmom (Aug 11, 2002)

i'm really touched by all the support here. kristin, the comment from your mom made me feel really emotional. i know this is such a huge loss that it stays with you. i've met so many older women who still cry when they share their story.

just an update: i had held him the last time today. 2 of the kids went in with me and they held him and cried. after all my worrying, he looked PERFECT. his skin was rosy and the puffiness was gone, he still smelled sweet. it was so right to hold him again. i wrote a long letter to place in the casket, ds made a card and glued in a couple pieces of jewelry and dd made a card and gave him the book 'Love You Forever'. oh, that really tore me up, that book always did make me cry.

and then we had the funeral. now that was esaier than i expected. the priest was really sweet and i was actually able to hear what he was saying through my fog. i'm exhausted after today but i'm glad i made it through.


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## expatmommy (Nov 7, 2006)




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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son. It's beautiful that you were able to spend so much time with him in the hospital - I didn't know that there were any so progressive and I'm grateful to know that ability exists. I hope time brings you peace and healing.


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## Jules09 (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm glad the funeral was OK for you Christie, and that you got to hold your baby one more time.


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## peanutmama (Jun 25, 2008)

thank you for sharing your story. i am so sorry for your loss, i couldn't help but cry. i feel your pain.


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## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I'm so glad you held him again!







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## nurturebaby (Jul 8, 2008)

Words simply cannot express...

you're a beautiful mama, and little Matthew is beautiful, too.

Im so sorry to hear that you've endured such sorrow and tragedy with the birth of your son...

you have a beautiful treasure waiting for you in Heaven...


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## Emerging butterfly (May 7, 2009)

sometimes the world seems so COLD!!!







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I am sooo sorry for your terrible loss. So very very sorry. Take care of yourself. C-sections are tough...loss is tougher...you've had both and must heal body and spirit. Know your are held close in understanding here...there are wonderful wise women to hold your hands here. I have found such understanding company here as well. Take care.





















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