# Warning: Potentially Disturbing Question...



## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

This has to do with what to do with a miscarried baby. My last miscarriage was in September. I attempted to stay at home, hoping to avoid a D&C. My midwife told me to try to save any tissue that I passed in the hopes that we might be able to do testing. I was not able to do it with the other 3, so as much as I dislike the idea of sending my baby off as a lab sample, it would be nice to have some answers. I've had every other test there is and everything has been normal.

So, I saved everything that seemed like it could be something. I know now that I was hemmorhaging and that most of what I saved were very large clots. I collected all of this in ziploc bags and then put the bags into large plastic yogurt containers. The paramedics brought all of this to the hospital with me, but again no testing was possible. When we got home from the hospital, we found another baggie in the bathroom with a very solid something in it. In all the commotion we must have missed it. Anyway, I'm pretty sure this was the baby. (I m/ced at 10weeks and had seen a heartbeat at 7w, so there should have been something substantial.)

I put this bag into another yogurt container and stuck it in the fridge. I just couldn't deal with trying to figure out what to do with it. So, here's my problem: it's still in there. I can't leave it there forever, but what do I do with it now?

Thanks for listening. This just isn't the kind of thing you can ask just anyone about.


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## momz3 (May 1, 2006)

I hope this isn't a silly suggestion (never mc'd before), but I've known women to bury their baby and plant something above it (small garden, tree, etc)...a good and positive (I think) way to remember your baby...


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## the_queen (Nov 3, 2005)

if it were me, I'd bury the baby. Have a ceremony, a ritual. It may bring closure.


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## fierrbugg (Jul 24, 2006)

I agree w/ the pp's - I have a friend who mc'd in 2000 and her baby is still in her freezer because they live in a condo right now and she wants to wait until they find their home w/ a yard before she does anything. If you think it will bring you closure, have a ceremony and burial. Do whatever feels right to you.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Thanks everybody. But now I have another question - will my dog dig it up? I don't mean to be crude, but we have a really small yard and I just don't think I could deal with that.

Thanks for your help, mamas. Sometimes I think I'd never make it without all of you.


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## fierrbugg (Jul 24, 2006)

If you're concerned about your dog digging it up - I don't ahve any experience w/ it - but you can always get some of that garden fencing and place it around the site. If you're going to plant a tree or something like that - it'll also help protect the tree while it grows.

We had a citrus tree once that we put the fencing around and it only died because we were really bad at watering it, not because one of our pups got to it. We made sure to put it low in the ground and in our case, covered the first layer w/ mud to cement it in so to speak and the fence outlasted the tree.


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## zonapellucida (Jul 16, 2004)

I agree, have a ceremony and plant a tree above it.


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## fallriverfox (Nov 16, 2006)

We buried ours in a public park because I think it would have broken my heart if we had ever moved. We piled rocks up on top to deter dogs or whatever might be about.


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## MommytoHHH (Sep 12, 2006)

We burried ours in a wooded area in our backyard. We've been having a severe drought so when I first miscarried, we couldn't bury it because we couldn't dig a hole. A few weeks later, my childhood bird died (he was 17 years old). It had just rained, so we tried digging a hole again - this time with success. So ours is burried in the backyard with my birdie. We dug the hole pretty deep and then put a very large rock on top once we filled it in.


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Thanks everybody. I just know if I asked anyone in my real life about this they'd think I was nuts. My friends were horrified when I told them how I caught my own baby when DS1 was born. They all thought it was disgusting to touch him before he got all cleaned up. A baby in my fridge might give them reason to disown me. Thank goodness for MDC!


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

The Elizabeth Ministries sells burial vessels for miscarried babies, so we bought one and buried our miscarried babies in it.


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## SquibsNCrackers (Oct 21, 2005)

mama

In addition to 1) digging a deep hole, 2) placing rocks on top, 3) using a burial vessel, you could also sprinkle cayenne pepper under the rocks (and re-apply around them as needed) to deter digging.


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## KelliHope (Oct 29, 2007)

Do you have a woodstove? We put our baby in the woodstove, then spread the ashes on the back hill of our farm. It was the right thing to do for us.


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## deuxceleste (Aug 19, 2006)

I'm facing EXACTLY the same problem. I know for sure it's my baby. Gave birth to everything... can see her very clearly within the sac. And while I can't help but think that its disrespectful for me to (as I currently do) have her in the freezer, I can't think of what is "right" to do with her body.


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## Megan_in_Holland (Jan 11, 2007)

Oh mama, I know just what you're going through. I passed a large clump of tissue which, while not really recognizable as a "baby" as such, still felt like one to me. It sat in the fridge in a glass jar for a couple of days while I tried to decide what to do with it. Eventually we decided to bury the remains in the back yard. DH didn't want me to come across it later while planting things, and we were worried about animals digging it up, so we lifted up one of the paving stones and buried it under there. We picked an easily recognizable stone, which in a way is sort of like our own secret grave marker. No one else has to know, but at least we two feel like "Dot" (our silly gestational name for the babe) will be remembered each time we walk down the path.

Good luck with whatever you decide!


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## boysmom2 (Jan 24, 2007)

Thank you. I like the idea of using paving stones. I'm thinking of reconfiguring my patio in the spring. That might be really nice. Thanks.


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## Megan_in_Holland (Jan 11, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *boysmom2* 
Thank you. I like the idea of using paving stones. I'm thinking of reconfiguring my patio in the spring. That might be really nice. Thanks.

You're welcome.







I'm really glad we went with the paving stone idea. I was talking to DH today about how he's coping with everything-- he's doing the stereotypical male thing and burying himself in work and school assignments, which worries me somewhat. Anyway, he works from home several days per week, and he said that what really helps him is the fact that he can look out the window throughout the day and see the spot where Dot is buried. It makes everything more tangible for him and helps him to honor the memory of our babe.


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## cfiddlinmama (May 9, 2006)

My 9wk m/c was the only one where I saw anything recognizable - sack and placenta. We put it in a glass jar and buried it in our monastery cemetery. The have a section for babies. I want to get a little statue to put down there. My other two were @ 6 wks and I didn't really see anything....

I'm so sorry for your losses.


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## mightymoo (Dec 6, 2003)

I like the idea of burying, and planting a tree.


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