# Nurtured Heart Approach?



## acupuncturemomma (Dec 31, 2005)

Can anyone tell me more about it? I have a friend who swears by it, but from the little research I've done, it sounds like a reward system, which is a turn-off to me.


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## laliu (Jan 20, 2010)

Sorry for the delayed response, just saw your post! I read a book on this approach last summer and am trying to remember the name of the author/title. Overall though I thought the majority of what this approach offered was positive and very gentle in nature. It is based on the idea that children are social animals just like the rest of us and thrive on positive interactions with others. The program focused on catching kids doing things correctly and verbally pointing out what they were doing well. On the flip side, when kids were displaying bad behavior, the approach advocates ignoring the child until the behavior is corrected.

I can't quite remember the details, but if the child was doing something incorrect that was harming themselves or someone else (or some thing else I suppose) that they would have a "reset"warning which I guess in practice is like a 5 second time-out to underscore that the child's behavior was not correct.

There was a rewards system for older children/teens but I didn't agree with that either. The book stressed however that the approach could be used without this system and that it was just another tool that might work with more problem children or with kids who need more structure.

My son is only 18-months so we really haven't been using any type of discipline other than redirecting and modeling positive behavior so I am a little fuzzy on the rest of the details. I do remember that the approach did have some great ideas even if we won't use everything. Hope that helps!


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## rainbringer (Dec 2, 2007)

I have found it helpful. It's about focusing your attention on the positive things your child is doing. It's easy to put too much energy and attention into negative behavior. For example, dd is highly anxious, so I try to notice the times when she does something brave and point that out to her. Or if you have a kid who isn't following directions, make sure to notice the times when they do. There is more to it than that, but that's the basic idea, being careful where the attention is being directed.

The book is called All Children Flourishing and one of the most helpful parenting books I have read.


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## vegantics (Feb 5, 2011)

i just looked on amazon and there is a workbook for nurtured heart approach! i'm so thrilled as i was wishing there was some sort of training that didn't cost an arm and a leg for a dvd or course or coaching... yay! anyone doing this workbook?


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## vegantics (Feb 5, 2011)

nobody has this book/workbook?


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## Triniity (Jul 15, 2007)

I just bought the book, read it yesterday. sounds reasonable. it is a reward system, specifically tailored to high-need high-energy children. it goes in steps, so that you can choose how intense you can use it.

in step three there is a time-out feature, but the author explains how this is only to be used after the implemention of the other steps. i am still not comfortable with the time out approach, but figured that you don`t have to go there if you are happy with the results you have had beforehand.

i think it's important to be quite clear about that this is not a parenting book but a behavioural therapy. it's not for the "normal" kid but for kids with behaviour problems as in adhd or the like.

i have been such a kid as he describes it and mine are too, so i know how it feels if you are constantly reprimanted and never acknowledged. i don't want my kids to feel this way, it did hurt me c´very severely and made me very, very sick. i am gonna try this approach, possibly (hopefully) leaving out the time-out thing.

let me know how you feel about it, quite interested!


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