# So tell me about 6 year olds...



## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

My mom nanny's for a 2 yo, but during the summer she has her sister, who is 6. OMG, I never thought a little kid could be so infuriating! Anything she can think of for attention, she does it. She is loud and onoxious, mean spirited (like I would never leave my 2 yo dd with her for a second) and does things so negatively for attention. Really, I am so totally for GD, but as hard as I try, it just does not work with her! So I am trying to figure out what other 6 yo's are like. I know there are some issues at home, mom and dad are very cought up in their careers, and even when they get home they do not play or really tend to thier kids.







They show love in material things, this girl has every toy imaginable. Her toy room is bigger than our living/dining room.







Is the aggravating obnoxious behavior normal for 6?


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

A bit. (see my sig)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mommy2abigail* 
Is the aggravating obnoxious behavior normal for 6?


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

Somewhat, though she seems extreme.

Things that our ds does that bother me:
-Screams for attention or when things don't go his way
-Lashes out deliberately at his sister when she makes him mad
-Blatantly refuses to do something reasonable I've asked him to do (and given him plenty of warning for)

On the other hand, while the couple of months before he turned 6 up to about a month ago were rough, he seems to have come a long way recently. I'm seeing incredible increases in empathy (he was sad because he was earning a reward sticker for learning to wipe his bottom and his sister wasn't), social skills and ability to self-regulate his emotions with a bit of help from us.

He is in general, a 'compliant' kid. He likes rules and wants to follow them. He's generally eager to please and helpful. I would trust him alone with a 2 year old for a few minutes. (Actually, he'd probably ignore them, but if I asked him to keep an eye out for them, he would.)


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## bdavis337 (Jan 7, 2005)

Obnoxious is, right now, the nicest word I could use to describe my 6 yo son. It really doesn't begin to describe his behavior, actually, but it's the only one that isn't inappropriate or rude to use in reference to a young child. Yeah, 6 isn't so easy.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

AH, I see it's more an age thing then. Wow, I'd better practice up on my GD skills before dd gets there! Really, 5 minutes with R, and I want to rip my hair out! For what it's worth, she's 6.5, she'll be 7 in Nov. Hopefully it will get better then....


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

I really loved age 6 with both my kids. A lot. It is the year of new adventures. Two-wheeled bikes, learning to read and write, new levels of board games, new interest levels in learning about stuff on field trips. Its a good age to start a musical instrument. They start keeping up more easily with fun activities like hiking and such. Very exciting stuff happens at this age, and its so much fun!

But all that does lead to being tired frequently, and stretched thin, melting down, etc.

Six year olds have to be taken care of provided with plenty of structure, snacks, sleep.... and lots of challenging new tasks.


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## PumpkinSeeds (Dec 19, 2001)

I agree with Mamaduck about challenging new tasks. My 6yo really wants a new level of responsibility and independence than even when he was 5.

Why don't you have the 6yo responsible for making lunch? My son loves making sandwiches and cutting up vegetables for lunch. (He makes a huge mess and is a bit sloppy but he beams with pride at having made us lunch).

I also let him hang the laundry and take out the trash. You wouldn't think they would want to do it, but he likes doing it apparently. I always say something like, "hey, I need help with the trash, do you want to take it out for me?"

If she can read a bit, why don't you ask her to help you read a book to her younger sibling?


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## PatchyMama (Dec 6, 2002)

Quote:

-Screams for attention or when things don't go his way
-Lashes out deliberately at his sister when she makes him mad
-Blatantly refuses to do something reasonable I've asked him to do (and given him plenty of warning for)
This is so my 6 year old DD LOL.

The other day my 6 year old came over to me and said "mama, you spend too much time with Willow" (willow is the 2 year old and I can assure you, I do not favor her LOL). So I respond to Kyla (6) with "oh really? why do you think that" in my most sincere concerned voice. Kyla says "well you always ask her to do things for you and not me".

At this point it was REALLY hard for me to keep from laughing because not even 5 minutes ago I had asked Kyla to pick up the towels and put them in the laundry and she flat out refused. So I asked Willow if she would do it instead and willow did it joyfully (she likes to clean).

ah, 6.... so smart and exciting, but incredibly tiring and trying for mama LOL


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

I love the idea of giving her responsibility. Unfortunately, ALL she wants to do is watch TV. We try to get her away from it, but it's in her playroom, and her mama says it's ok.







Seriously, the kid would watch tv for 10 hours if we let her! We do lots of things, we go to the pool, Sea World, the farm, Disney, the jungle gym, LOTS of things. I've had her over to my house where I have a TON of arts and crafts things, told her can choose whatever she wants. Nothing. She would rather just sit and pester us or the little ones. She refuses to do 'grown up' things, something I thought every kid wanted to do! I dont know. I go from feeling really bad for her to getting annoyed with her. She definately has social issues, she has no friends at school and the neighborhood kids only play with her out of duty (their parents are friends). Poor kid. Shes also really smart. She says things sometimes that totally surprise me. BUT they are usually condescending and mean spirited, even if spot on, yk? Ugh, this has been a LOOOOONG summer!


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:

We do lots of things, we go to the pool, Sea World, the farm, Disney, the jungle gym, LOTS of things. I've had her over to my house where I have a TON of arts and crafts things, told her can choose whatever she wants. Nothing. She would rather just sit and pester us or the little ones.
To clarify -- its not entertainment or exposure to things that I was talking about -- though that is all good too. I meant that there is a shift around age 6 -- they start to need the experience of working toward mastery, or competence, with regard to challenging activities. So maybe soccer, or swim team, or something structured that builds toward a specific skill. My thought is that this would give her some focus and meaning, kwim? And maybe then she'd chill.

Or maybe I'm off the wall.


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## bdavis337 (Jan 7, 2005)

You're not off the wall.







My son definetly needs these things. I just can't give them to him at every waking moment of the day. THOSE are the times when he becomes Obnoxious.


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

To the OP, well, this girl is clearly suffering. It is normal for a 6 yo to do what Lynn is describing, at times, especially because at 6, like mamaduck is saying, they feel so competent at many things that they do not understand why they still need structure and long hours of sleep like when they were much younger. But they do. When my dd misses an hour of sleep or so, I can tell.
But to have no interest in arts and crafts? No interest in doing "grown up" stuff? Being mean to a 2 yo? (if she's mean to her sister, that is different... but being mean to another BABY...) I think your description is fitting, she is missing attention from her parents. It must be hard for your mommy... I wonder if you can tell her it is no TV day, and let her unplug the cable and keep it unplugged for a day and use that day differently, and then discuss... we have huge discussion about TV with my 6 yo, she gets 15 minutes per day and that's that and if there is one thing she resents, it is that she would like to watch way more... but, that's a limit I am not going to take away...


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## gaialice (Jan 4, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamaduck* 
To clarify -- its not entertainment or exposure to things that I was talking about -- though that is all good too. I meant that there is a shift around age 6 -- they start to need the experience of working toward mastery, or competence, with regard to challenging activities. So maybe soccer, or swim team, or something structured that builds toward a specific skill.

OK I think I am hijacking the thread but bear with me. If you have a 6 yo that loves this kind of challenges, and in fact you're on holidays, so at a time when there is no soccer practice, swim team and the like, how exactly do you keep the challenge on?


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Gailice, I don't think you are hijacking because the thread is about what is developmentall appropriate for "six year olds." Kwim?

I don't think its a matter of "keeping the challenge on" fulltime. (Though they might seem to demand that sometimes!) I think its a matter of building those elements into life in general, enough that it contributes to identity development. So the kid develops a sense of "being good at stuff." So its not an *every minute* kind of thing.

I think what you are talking about it the way boredom leads to obnoxious behavior, and yes -- keeping them occupied and busy can be really challenging -- and this applies to every age! I actually thought it got suddenly easier at around 6 years old because they started *reading.* And it led to substantially more independence.

Also, when I plan our summer activities, I tend to focus on *productive* activities. Field trips and cultural stuff too, but for day-to-day -- we all thrive on productivity and making progress. We keep a vegetable garden that the kids are largely responsible for, the kids do summer swim team daily, we take 6-7 mile bike rides together daily, cook together, etc.


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## lindsaye3 (May 15, 2007)

The pps all have some good ideas. It sounds like she'd like attention from mom and dad possibly and has gotten into this pattern and negative mindset. When you offered the arts and crafts at your house - was that with you or your mom doing them with her or alone? I ask because my 6 yo ds loves to make things but only with me or dh. And not us just sitting with him, but participating. And it is sad about the tv, I think if given unlimited access to tv a lot of 6 yo would find some sort of junk to watch all day. She sounds almost lethargic (spelling?) - in that she isn't interested in doing almost anything?


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

Gosh, it really sounds like this little girl needs a lot of one-on-one. I'd unplug the TV for the rest of the summer and make a point of spending an hour a day with her alone if possible. Turning the TV off for just one day isn't going to help. She'll be worse before she gets better. She's going to need at least a week to adjust to a no-TV atmosphere and begin to use her own imagination to fill up the time and learn to enjoy activities with other people/children. But it sounds like she's going to need a long time anyways before she comes around. Good luck!


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## Evan&Anna's_Mom (Jun 12, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Terrilein* 
Gosh, it really sounds like this little girl needs a lot of one-on-one. I'd unplug the TV for the rest of the summer and make a point of spending an hour a day with her alone if possible. Turning the TV off for just one day isn't going to help. She'll be worse before she gets better. She's going to need at least a week to adjust to a no-TV atmosphere and begin to use her own imagination to fill up the time and learn to enjoy activities with other people/children. But it sounds like she's going to need a long time anyways before she comes around. Good luck!

Maybe this would help, but ONLY if you have the parents OK and/or endorsement of this plan. This isn't the OP's child, is is the child her mother is the nanny of. Which means that any change in routine or house rules should be cleared with the parents first. Just like many of us would be furious if a sitter or nanny decided that unlimited TV was a good idea, any change in policy really needs to be discussed with the parents first.

That said, I have a 7 YO who does, indeed, love to be able to do specific things to challenge himself. This summer he is much less interested in trips just to see stuff (even someplace fun like SeaWorld). But he is really excited about going to SeaWorld camp to learn new things. If she's really into screen things, maybe an educational computer game might be a good transition into something more active? My 7 YO has just discovered a couple of good ones that he loves and its been a great way to get the suggested reading and math practice into each day. Instead of just going to the pool, maybe signing up for swimming lessons? That would give both more structure / challenge to the time at the pool and structure to the day so there is motivation to get out of the house.

Other classes? Outdoor stuff? More focused or educational offerings? A part-day day camp? All things that the parents would need to be involved in, or at least approve of, but maybe they would be grateful for suggestions for getting her active or contributing to her education? And at the same time helping her find a better way to be social with kids?

Also, she may really need some one-on-one attention -- maybe a project that it takes working together with an adult on? Building a model, doing some jewelry, a more complex craft, learning to cook?

Left to his own devices, DS would be at his sister all the time and/or vegging in front of the TV too. But given something to sink his teeth into, he gets really excited about such things.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

THanks for all the ideas. It's funny, lots of times I'll suggest things, like learning how to cook, and she will get really excited and want to do it. When it comes time though, she'd rather go off and watch a movie. Or if we get her to actually stay in the kitchen and 'help' she doesn't really help much, just kind of spaces out. I dont know. It seems like all her energy is directed at arguement, which maybe is normal for this age? You tell her the sky is blue and she says "Well actually it's not. It's GRAY." Ok, fine. But this is the retort for every. single. comment. Or we say, "Hey, lets plan an art party, and we can invite all your friends!" she says ok, but then doesn't want to stick around to help us 'plan' it, make up invites or anything. She is the quenn of "I can't" we are working on that. The tv thing is out of our control. We can not unplug it. We do tell her no tv for a few hours, but if she really wants it, she calls her mom and gets her ok, so that leaves us out of luck. It's so exhausting being with her, not because she is full of energy and is wanting to learn and do things on her own. I would actually love that! It's tiring because no matter what you say or do, it's wrong, not good enough, boring, ect. I agree that so much of it has to do with her parents. It's very sad. I really wanted to be like that cool aunt who took her places, let her get messy, did fun neat things with her. But no such luck. Yet. We gotta keep trying though, sometimes I feel like we are her only adult lifeline. She had tons of problems at school with the teacher and with her classmates. When she goes to the neighborhood kids houses, they tell her she is too mean, or smarty pants to play.







We had one of her friends over and in 5 minutes she asked to go home because R was being mean. I am just out of ideas. Today, I tried the making a sandwich idea (thanks for that!) at lunch. First she said she didn't know how, and I said I'd help her. Then it was that she couldn't spread the mayo on. Then that she couldn't turn the toaster oven on. Then that the bread didn't toast right. Then that the cheese didn't melt right. I was right there with her, talking her through it. She tried to give up at least 10 times! It's so frustrating and it makes you just want to say, forget it, I'll just make it! But, alas, I held my tongue. It was hard though. And in the end, she wasn't proud or even happy that she had done it on her own. She is just so peculiar sometimes!!


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## Terrilein (Jan 9, 2007)

Is it possible to talk with the parents about wanting to restrict her TV time with you? Surely she can watch as much TV as she pleases when she's at home with her folks. Maybe they could help you by insisting she not phone them whenever she's too bored with every activity and wants to watch the TV? I mean, it's nice to know that you're allowed to let her have some TV time, but to hear about her phoning her parents to ask to watch it while you're standing there seems rather backward and undercuts any kind of authority you have over the girl while she's in your care.


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## mamaduck (Mar 6, 2002)

Yeah -- the parent's undermining what the nanny has said during the day is very twisted and not cool. If I were your mom, I would address this with them, tactfully -- but its not okay. I would not be okay caring for a child if my relationship with the parents followed this kind of pattern.


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## mommy2abigail (Aug 20, 2005)

Yeah, it does stink. She will phone them and tell her mom we are being 'mean'. I'm sure her mom knows we aren't, I'm guessing the drama is a 6 year old thing, right?







:
I forgot to memtion before, that she was signed up for 4 different summer camps, each lasting 1 week. 1 at her elem. school, one bible camp, one at Sea World and another one. She went to 3 days of camp. That's it. She didn't want to go back. We asked if something had happened, but as far as we know nothing. She didn't even want to try one of the camps. And her friends from the neighborhood were all going, so it's not like she wouldn't know anyone...
Please keep the suggestions coming. Really, it's so hard to care for her. I've been going over everyday to let dd play with her little sister and also to give my mom a break from her incessant whining and complaining. But really it's pushing me to my limit on GD. It's actually a very good preparation though, I'm looking at it as my personal challenge to get in her head and maybe help her a little.


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