# Hello everyone, I'm new. (birth story)



## gamrgrl (Jul 9, 2002)

Hello, someone I know from another message board suggested I come here and try it out, so here I am. I thought I would post my birth story so you could become farmiliar with my situation and my loss, so here goes.

I wasn't feeling quite "normal" the night I went into labor. I was hungry, but I didn't want to eat. The hamburgers I made for my husband and the guy who rents a room from us actually made me nauseous, so I made scrambled eggs for myself. I got ready for bed as usual and laid down, but I couldn't get to sleep. I started having what I first thought were gas pains at about 10pm, by 11pm I had figured out they were contractions and told my husband JD I was in labor. I called the hospital to tell them we were on our way and JD got the bags and the car seat.

When we got to the hospital I changed into a gown and then the nurse started hooking me up to the fetal monitor, that is the first indication we had that something was wrong. She was having trouble finding a heartbeat. She was picking up my heartbeat at around 96bpm, and sometimes she would get one at around 120bpm, which we initially thought was Dante (though it was very low for a fetal rate) but turned out to just be mine spiking during contractions. She called my Dr right away because of the "low rate" and she came in. They decided to use an internal monitor, so she broke my water. I didn't know it at the time, but my water was bloody, so they had a real indication that something was wrong. They suspected a possible placenta rupture. At that point she called in another Dr, and the ER team to do an emergency C-section. They then told me that they thought Dante was in distress, and they were going to prep me for a C-sec. It is funny, as much as I had worried about a c-sec, and been afraid of one at that moment none of those thoughts or fears even occurred to me, I would have done anything to help my baby. I just wanted him to be safe.

Dh called his sister, who then called others, like our parents and some close friends, to let them know what was happening and ask them to pray. He also called his brother. One of the people his brother rents a room from is also an OB nurse. She was not on duty that night, but she came down to be with me anyway, and she stayed the whole time. I was, and am, so grateful that she did. It was exactly what I needed to help me labor, someone I knew and was comfortable with, and who's knowledge and experience I also trusted. I praise God for sending her to me and for giving her the willing heart to stay, though she had just recently experienced a miscarriage herself (which I did not know until the next day). We were, unfortunately, unable to reach my brother.

While the ER team was enroute they brought in an ultrasound unit to look at the heartbeat, because they still weren't getting anything on the internal monitor. When they looked at the heart they saw for certain that there was no heartbeat, that my baby was already gone and there was nothing they could do. They also looked very carefully at the placenta, to see if there had, in fact, been a rupture, but it appeared fine. We will never know for certain what happened,, but it was most likely a chord accident.

At that point they decided to let me labor naturally, so I would have an easier recovery, as there was nothing we could do for Dante, and the second Dr. left. I decided to have some pain meds, because I had been trying to go without them only because it would be better for Dante. They gave me a shot of Standol through my IV. It really took the edge off the contractions and made me so drowsy that I almost dozed off between them. That was really good actually, because it helped me rest and relax, and kept me from thinking too much. My poor husband did not have that luxury. I can't imagine everything he went through that night. He knew something was wrong long before I did, as soon as he saw them break my water, and was trying to keep me distracted and calm in spite of it. Then he was worried about me, and I was oblivious to any possible danger.

I don't know what time I started pushing, or how long it lasted, (my friend who was there said it was about 30 mins maybe) though it seemed like an eternity, but Dante was born at 3:20am and we learned for the first time that it was a son that we had lost. This was about the time my husband started worrying about me, because I bleed more than my Dr would have liked, and she was a little concerned. I had a small epostomy and a small tear, so a few stitches (I don't know how many) but the Dr said neither was very bad. I also checked me for any internal ripping, because of the bleeding, but found none. They put me on an IV to help my uterus firm up and gave me two shots (one in each leg) to help stop the bleeding.

JD and I got to hold Dante as long as we wanted, and took some pictures. They even took their usual professional nursery photos. He was a beautiful baby, perfectly formed and except for his unnatural color, looked just like he was sleeping.

They determined that he has probably died a day or two before I went into labor. We had a Dr appointment on the previous Thursday, and his heart rate was normal (around 144bpm), so sometime between Thursday and Tuesday he died. There was nothing anyone could do to save him, not me, not my doctors, no one. The only way we could have had a chance was if I was actually hooked up to a fetal monitor at the time his heart rate began to decline, and as the was no warning that would have been blind luck. All I can think, is at least I have no one I can blame, not even myself, he was just meant to go home so the Lord took him.


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm so sorry for your loss...welcome!


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## lisamarie (Nov 19, 2001)

Rebecca~

I am so glad that you find this forum and am so, so sorry for the loss of your precious little boy. Thank you for sharing your story and your little boy with us.

Big Hug~

Lisa


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## Zoe (Mar 28, 2002)

Rebecca:

I am so sorry for your loss. This is the only place I really feel comfort. Thank you for sharing your story.

Warmest welcome to you.
Zoe


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

gamrgrl, I am so glad to see you at this forum. I really enjoyed our discussions at the other board and I hope we can have more here.

I am so sorry about your loss. thank you for sharing your story with us.

My neice was also born still and her story was quite similar to yours.


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Rebecca, I'd like to gently welcome you to Mothering. I'm so sorry that this experience is what brought you here, but also glad you found us.

Thank you for sharing Dante with us. He is a most loved child at it saddens my heart to know that he could not stay with you longer.

Please charish the time you had with him and be gentle to yourself as you travel the road of greif. There are many paths you will take. Please know we're here to listen when ever you need us.


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## mamabutterfly (Jun 23, 2002)

gamgrl,

I just want to thank you for your story, which brought tears to my eyes... I haven't lost a child, but it is so important for us to understand what one another go through as mothers. Thank you for being so willing to share.

Know that we walk with you in your grief and wish you a gentle and healing time ahead. Please be good to your body and your spirit. Blessings to Dante.

peace, mamabutterfly


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## lamplighter (Nov 20, 2001)

Rebecca

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little son. thank you for sharing your story. please come here often for support and care that the women on this board give.

you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

peace to you,
Beth


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