# Non-party birthday get-together?



## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

I really can't afford to throw a party for DD. She's never had a party (well, sure, every year we have grandparents over and a special dinner and a grandparent usually springs for a cake). But seriously, it's like we have to choose between her dental work which we can't afford anyway, or a birthday party. It's not going to happen.

I was just thinking yesterday that my ideal "party" wouldn't even really BE a party anyway. There's a lake less than a mile from our house. DD would be over the moon if all her friends came for an afternoon and just played with her, swimming in the lake or whatever they wanted to do.

Is this out of the question to do? I don't see it as being greedy because we don't want presents, we just want to hang out. A playdate doesn't require money, and this is just a glorified playdate. I know someone would find something to be offended about though of course.

What if we didn't even breathe the word "birthday" and just invited people to come get together on that day?


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

i dont see anything wrong with that.

esp. if you call it a playdate then everyone knows to bring their own snacks.


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## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

We stopped doing b-day parties years ago.Just cost to much,and I would rather spend the money on my kids than to host a party.

I think it would be fine to get together with friends.

We are doing a *party* this summer for the kids and a friend(who doesn't have b-day parties),and will have a fire,foods,lots of sweet foods,and maybe even a gift for each.


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## laohaire (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mattemma04*
> 
> We are doing a *party* this summer for the kids and a friend(who doesn't have b-day parties),and will have a fire,foods,lots of sweet foods,and maybe even a gift for each.


That sounds like a party to me  Food and gifts. I'm talking about no food and no gifts.

Would I say upfront that we were inviting a "bunch" of people? Who knows if anyone will show up, of course. But would you be surprised if someone invited you to get together at the lake and there were a bunch of people, not just your family and theirs? I was thinking of inviting 4 or 5 families, but don't want to set up any expectations either way (maybe only 1 family will come, but who knows, maybe they'll all come).


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

I think maybe you're overthinking things a bit. Why not just be honest? "For dd's birthday, we didn't want to do a party this year, but we thought it might be fun to have a playdate with a few friends at the lake. Would you like to come?"


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## jumpmama (Jun 4, 2010)

I would do the same. Just tell it how it is. Your dd will love it.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *NYCVeg*
> 
> I think maybe you're overthinking things a bit. Why not just be honest? "For dd's birthday, we didn't want to do a party this year, but we thought it might be fun to have a playdate with a few friends at the lake. Would you like to come?"


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *NYCVeg*
> 
> I think maybe you're overthinking things a bit. Why not just be honest? "For dd's birthday, we didn't want to do a party this year, but we thought it might be fun to have a playdate with a few friends at the lake. Would you like to come?"


I agree. Just say, "We are having a casual playdate at the lake in honor of DD's birthday. We'll have a few other families and would love for you to join us. Just bring yourselves and some snacks for your kiddos, it's going to be super low-key." Some people may bring gifts (just to forewarn you!) but I think this is preferable than to not mention the word 'bday' and spring it on them when they are there, that this is your DD's bday party -- then I think they would feel put on the spot a bit...


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## maddymama (Jan 5, 2008)

We usually add the "Your presence is present enough" statement on our "celebrate by hanging out with us" birthday parties. Some will bring gifts, but that is their choice, we certainly don't expect it.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *crunchy_mommy*
> 
> but I think this is preferable than to not mention the word 'bday' and spring it on them when they are there, that this is your DD's bday party -- then I think they would feel put on the spot a bit...


i dont think she was planning on springing this as a bday party ever.

i really dont want to say anything about bday party because in my experience people have a hard time with it.

laohaire yeah i would approach it as 'i was thinking of having a big playdate. a bunch of the kiddos get together for a swim at the lake. would june 4th work for you. from 9 am to 11 am?'

unless your dd wants some acknowledgement of her birthday. then it might be dicey.

instead i would do a potluck bday party. bring a dish ur child would enjoy.


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## crunchy_mommy (Mar 29, 2009)

Ahh yes. If you don't plan on ever saying the word "birthday" then go with meemee's wording.









Will your DD want people to sing to her or anything??


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## tbone_kneegrabber (Oct 16, 2007)

We only do potluck parties (ever) so I wouldn't see anything weird about being invited to a potluck picnic at a lake (in fact I would be stoked!) Also, I see nothing wrong or odd about saying that you are inviting a bunch of people. I also wouldn't have any problem saying, "we are broke and can't do an all out party this year, so meet us at the lake for a potluck picnic" but most of ds's friends I am friends or at least friendly with their parents.


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## HappyWoman (Nov 2, 2009)

If I were in your position, I would do a very simple (free - very nominal) birthday party. I'd call it a birthday party, and I'd get creative to make it work using things I had on hand around the house. Here are a few ideas:

Homemade Cake - "Pancake Cake" The day before ask DD to help you make it. Make a large stack of pancakes (can add cinnamon and/or orange zest to make it fancier). Make a frosting using sweet potato, cashews, "milk" or water, vanilla (optional) sweetener (optional). Frost the layers. Makes a beautiful layered cake. Can decorate with fruit or edible flowers, or leave plain. Could use a food (think beets or berries, etc.) to color the frosting.

Beverages - Sun tea (using a few herbal tea bags, like Raspberry ZInger), Water

Snacks - Carrot sticks, Celery sticks, homemade bean dip/hummus, bag of corn chips

Entertainment- The Lake

(Extra idea) - Homemade Pinata - Again, ask DD to help you. Make using a cardboard box and tissue paper. Stuff with a bag of tootsie rolls or peanuts in the shell.

I wouldn't tell guests (or DD for that matter) that we were broke, I'd just plan to have a killer party on the lake (for super cheap.) I would also time the party between a meal time (ie 3pm), so that guests are not expecting a full meal.

Have fun!!


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## rosesarered (Feb 4, 2007)

You can totally do this. One of the best parties we went to this year was a kite flying party at a local park. The invitation was very casual. To paraphrase... Come join us at the park to celebrate ds's birthday. We'll be there from 1-3. No need to bring anything, we'll have snacks to share...

If you aren't able to provide the snacks, a potluck is a great idea.

I love these types of parties! They feel more relaxed to me.


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## lindberg99 (Apr 23, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *maddymama*
> 
> We usually add the "Your presence is present enough" statement on our "celebrate by hanging out with us" birthday parties. Some will bring gifts, but that is their choice, we certainly don't expect it.


I think the above is a good wording. Something about not saying it's your DD's birthday seems wrong to me. It's a big day for her and she should be able to have her friends know. Also, some people might feel bad if they get there and then find out it is her birthday (I know that my 7 yo could not keep quiet about it being his birthday) because they would have wanted to get her something. If people call and ask about bringing a gift, you could ask them to bring something that all of the kids could use at the lake, like a floatie or sand toys.

If you really don't want it to be a birthday party, why not just pick a random date in the summer? Just call it a summer playdate or whatever.


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## mumkimum (Nov 14, 2006)

Haven't done it yet, but with dd1's summer birthday I've often thought of just having a no-reason party some other time of year to have a bunch of friends over to do things. Mainly cause she's obsessed with the idea of a party - if she weren't, something like what you have in mind is awesome. I think it's totally fine to do whatever. Birthday parties totally optional.

I would call (or send invites) for a potluck afternoon at the lake together. I mainly add the 'potluck' aspect cause I think people assume they aren't the only ones going to be there, and because I always go 'oh gee, when/what am I going to eat at xyz?' when I go to things and not having to plan meals/snacks around them instead, especially with the kids. Nothing big necessary - watermelon and cookies or something (and whatever people bring).


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## ameliabedelia (Sep 24, 2002)

You can totally do a very inexpensive, low-cost party at the lake. Make your own cake and decorate it (it's actually pretty easy). Get a couple of other snacks..maybe a few bags of chips, some juice boxes/water bottles, cut up a big watermelon. You could even do goody bags super cheap by going to the dollar store and getting little pencil or other things to put in them.

Otherwise, if you don't want to do any food/cake then I wouldn't call it a birthday party at all or mention the birthday. Just call it a playdate.

Edited to add, while I understand the not wanting presents, I always hated it when people sent out invitation with "no presents" or "your presence is present enough". I can totally appreciate the sentiment, but people bring presents anyway and it's just weird.


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