# Poetry and writing around your loss



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

I have to first apologize because I have a "thing" about posting any and everything to public message boards. So I would like to share a few of my poems, but I am going to take them down after a little bit and ask people to PM me if you are interested in reading them.

If anyone else wants to share their poetry or writing around their loss, please feel free to do it here.
Imagine&#8230;Respect
You say you can't imagine
Look at me with pity in your eyes
Let's see if I can help you
Open a window into "fetal demise"

Imagine that you are living your life
As happy as can be
And one day, when you least expect it
You are struck by
The ultimate tragedy

Someone that you really love-
Your mother, husband, sister or perhaps
Your best friend
Gets hit by a truck
Or shot by a cop
Something-anything,
Renders them dead

In all your deepest shock and pain
You try to deal
And do your best to heal
And people who you know and
Barely know you
Try to offer words of sympathy

They say
"It must have been God's will
for your husband to get
hit by that truck."

Or

"There must have been something
wrong with your mom-
it's for the best that she died."

Even better yet

"Your best friend of twenty years?
Why don't you try to make other friends?"

Or a most comforting

"Your sister died at 17?
At least you didn't get to know her well
Or the person she was yet to be
It would have been so much worse
If she was an adult and say,
Had left a family"

I could go on
But I think I'll stop-
You may have gotten the point

I hope you can now
In some way see
A little of what it's like to be me-

Mother to a child that lived
If only inside of me
A complete person,
A whole person
Worthy of being
Mourned

RESPECTFULLY


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you SweetTeach for sharing parts of you and Nazir with is.
You both are loved.

Sweet Dreams Nazir's Mama...


----------



## painted horse (Jul 18, 2003)

Sweet Teach -

Wow! I loved all of them, but "Imagine....Repect" _totally_ drove the point home. I am so sorry if those were related (and I'm kinda presuming they were.....







) to the responses people gave to you after Nazir passed. Oh sweetie...!! People really don't know what to say, do they?

I saw something you wrote recently, I think it may have been on a thread I started, where you wrote you were giving up on trying to figure out where you fit in.......sweetie, you fit in right here. Always. Know that you are in my thoughts, as is precious Nazir. I wish you peace and healing and the comfort of someone's arms around you. And your favorite ice cream flavor as well.....!!!!














s

Thinking of you,

Jen


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

Oh Sweet Teach those were wonderful. Thank you for sharing them. This truly is a special place we have here.

She is gone they say
But you were here
It's best to move on and forget
But I still rember you
She was never really alive
But I remember the way you moved
You can have another
But I still want you
There must have been something wrong
I remember you were perfect
Time heals all wounds
But I still remember you


----------



## gossamer (Feb 28, 2002)

Thank you so so much for posting your poetry. I feel honored to share a part of your soul. Although we have suffered a tragedy, I am truly blessed to have you all be a part of my life. (although I would give up each and every one of you to have my daughter back, no offense)








Gossamer


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Shannon,
I cried...HUGE...when I read your post with the poem you wrote.
Thank you...I printed it out and it is hanging right next to my desk.

Thank you all for sharing


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Shannon, your poem is beautiful!

Jen,yes, those are things that have been said to me since I lost Nazir...it pisses me off! I'm glad that I do fit in here,but I wish I could fit in someplace IRL too, other than just my close circle of friends and family who "get it".

Gossamer- I take no offense-I feel the same!









Thanks for the







everybody!

Does anyone else want to share their writing or poetry?


----------



## ksjhwkr (Apr 1, 2003)

Someday...

The chair sits empty
Waiting for you and me.
It calls out to me,
"Come rock your baby."

My breasts are so full
Waiting for you to eat,
They call to me,
"Come nurse your baby."

But they don't realize
that you're gone.
They don't know
Where you've gone.

You've gone ahead
to prepare the way,
And we'll fill this chair again,
Someday.

My heart is breaking,
Waiting for you.
It calls to me,
"Oh, hold your baby!"

My eyes are full
full of tears.
They call to me,
"You need to see your baby."

But they don't realize
that you're gone.
They don't remember
that you're not here.

You've gone ahead
to make a place...
And you'll fill my heart,
stop my tears,
nurse at my breast,
and rock with me again,

Someday.

Sweet Teach~ I am so glad you started this thread. I know I have more, but that is my favorite. I also have lots that I didn't write, but others did and I really love those, would you like me to post them too?


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Oh Kim,
That is such a heart wrenchingly beautiful poem.

Please share your own poetry and anything else that touches you as well.


----------



## ksjhwkr (Apr 1, 2003)

Here is a poem I wrote one year ago today, August 3, 2003

I lay her down, she laughs, she cries
She knows what is coming.
I lie down and offer my breast
she grabs it and smiles
Here comes the milk,
Drink up my baby!
I look at her face,
So sweet, so innocent.
Rosy cheeks, tousled hair,
a little bit of me,
And A LOT of Jer!
She is my world,
she is my joy,
I can't believe I wanted a BOY!
I love her dear
and pray,
she will be happy, hopefull and
know that she is loved,
Everyday.
Goodnight my angel
sleep tight my love
I'll be here all night.
So if you wake up, get scared or hungry
roll over~ I'll be here for you,
Always.
Goonight my angel,
Mommy loves you.

Then, August 29, 2 days after we buried her, I wrote this poem...
My breasts are full
My arms are empty,
My heart is broken.
Oh my sweet angel
Mommy aches to hold you,
to nurse you,
to kiss you.
I would love to smell you again,
to hold you so close-
to watch you sleep,
to watch you grow,
to watch you learn.
But for now,
I will remember
how it felt
to love you,
nurse you,
hold you,
and will always love you.


----------



## Raven (Dec 15, 2001)

These poems are so profound and vivid! Thank you so much for sharing them...


----------



## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

All of your poems were so beautiful. Reading them reminded me of a poem that was on the front of a card that someone sent me. It really made me feel at peace with everything and I thought maybe you women would like to read it so here ya go.

Blue Against Blue
By Marjolein Bastin

This heavenly blue butterfly
will fly high in the sky,
higher and higher.
The sunlight will touch
the blue on its wings
until it seems to disappear.

We think it is gone,
because the blue of the butterfly is the exact same blue of the sky.

We think it is gone,
beacuse our eyes are too weak to see-
and it is difficult
to belive what we cannot see.

But the blue butterfly is not gone.
It is still flying,
higher and higher,
nearer the sun.
Blue against blue.
For now and forever.


----------



## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

I'm so moved right now. I feel honored an blessed to read your words and know you all so much deeper.

I truely feel that writing saved my life after I lost Amanda. I see so much pain, anguish and the deep love of a mother in your words. Thank you


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Kim.
Wow. My heart is so heavy for you. I hate the irony of life. I'm so glad you had the chance to love Emma but I hate the fact that you've lost her.
Julie, that is so pretty! I bet that must have been comforting to read that on a card when you lost Riley Carter.

Ms. Mom- You know that your poetry really has touched me as well.

Your Son
Your eyes
My nose
Your lips
My chin
Your forehead
My dimple
Your ears
My fingers
My toes,
Thank goodness, my toes

Our complexion

Whose eyes?
Whose walk?
Whose smile?
Whose temperament?

What talents?
What quirks?
What fears?
What gifts?

Our love

Our son

My child
I never wanted you
to fill me up
and make me
whole
I never wanted
you
to fix my problems
and give my life
meaning
I didn't want you to
heal my pains
and soothe the wounds
of my past
I simply
wanted
you.


----------



## iris0110 (Aug 26, 2003)

wow I have been gone a few days, and it looks like I missed alot. Kim, your poems are so beautiful and so sad. Sweet Teach, I am glad you started this post, and that you are sharing with us. Jackie, thank you for your kind words. I am glad that my poem touched you. This is such a wonderful and loving group we have here. I just wish that none of us had a reason to be here.

Your eyes are so big
so beautiful and blue
and as I look into them I wonder
would she have looked like you

You dance through the house
as you giggle and play
and as I watch you I wonder
would she have played like you

You lay your head down
and drift off to sleep at night
and as I watch you I wonder
would she have slept as peacefully as you

You kiss the baby on the head
and hug her close to you
and as I watch you I wonder
Do you miss her as I do

I thought I would give you a little background info on this poem. It is about my Ds and Arawyn. She looked so much like him when she was born, that I find myself wondering often how much she would have been like him.


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Shannon, I can't really describe how I felt when I read your last poem. I knew exactly what it was talking about, no explanation needed. I'm amazed that we are living with such sorrow in our hearts. I'm glad that we've found writing to be one outlet for it.


----------



## shai (Aug 10, 2004)

These poems are beautiful!!! I am in tears as I read them.

Shannon your poem is how I feel when I interact with my children.

"I..."

I saw you
but you never saw me
I held you
but you will never hold me
I kissed you
but you never kissed me

I will never hear your cry
I will never hear you ask "why?"
I will never change your pamper
I will never see you hide a pamper
I will never hear you argue with your sisters
I will never hear you fight with your brother
I will never watch you become a young man
I will never hear you tell me that "you're the man"

I will always love you, Isaiah
I will always remember you Isaiah
I will always be your momma Isaiah


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Shai-








I especially love the first part of your poem.


----------



## tyandtorismom (Jun 17, 2004)

I feel so blessed to have found MDC. I've been dealing with some serious pain and guilt surrounding my lost babies and reading your stories helps. In a way, I feel even more sad because none of us should have ever had to deal with these losses, but it also gives me hope that I will move on and that my babies are in a better place now, wherever that may be.

Here's a poem wrote after I lost my twins. I never named one of them, I thought I would have 9 months to figure that out. This was actually written while I was in the recovery room following my d&c, so that's why it's a little- err, amatuer, I guess. I was told about the babies deaths 3 days before the d&c. So much raw emotion and there just aren't words to describe the pain of walking into a hospital pg and leaving with no baby. But I'm preaching to the choir on that one. So here it is, this is the first time I've shared this with anybody...

Dear Tatianna-

I'm so sorry that you couldn't stay

(It was NEVER MEANT to end this way)

You were my world

My Tiny beautiful baby girl

I never got to hear you cry

Never had a chance to say goodbye.

Now I wonder where I went wrong

As every night I listen to the same sad song.

There Are so many things I want to say

As I wait and I pray for this pain to go away.

Please know that I love you, Know that I care

(There were so many things I wanted to share...)

I'll never forget you, You'll be in my heart

Until The day we're no longer apart.

I hope you never felt the pain

I CAN'T BELIEVE it ended this way.

Love,

Mommy








Thanks for giving me a place to vent and hopefully eventually heal...


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

Wow, that is a beautiful poem! Thank you for sharing it with us. I love the name Tatianna- my mom's name is a variation on Tatianna, actually. Your love and raw emotions are just dripping in that poem.


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you all for your beautiful words...your writing is so powerful.
I am not much of a poet...I have tried since Gracie died...just haven't really tapped into it I suppose.

so thanks for sharing...


----------



## SweetTeach (Oct 5, 2003)

I wanted to share what my mom just emailed me:

Quote:

I saw this poem in the stable and thought of Nazir:

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky,
But rather openings
Where our loved ones shine down
To let us know
They are happy.....

Eskimo Legend

I heart her


----------



## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

lovely...simply lovely...


----------



## rebelgrace (Jul 15, 2004)

The night was cold when I awoke
screams haunted the room
"He's dead", I said, "I had a dream."
My husband held me in the night, arms tight
"All women dream," he said.
Not this dream, I thought.
"Somethings wrong"
The words echoed in the room as I lay on the table, the midwife searching for that comforting sound--my baby's heart beat.
"I had dream that he was gone, he's dead!" The words barely audible in my closed throat.
She looked at me with horror, pain, compassion, reassurance, all wrapped up in the pain of denial.
"We'll do an ultrasound" she calmly said.
But I knew, he was gone.
The dark room, one I had been in so many times before. The room that always had showed me a baby that was alive inside of me. Heartbeats, hands, fingers and toes. Laughter, surprise, pure delight! This room was about to hold a very bad memory.
The technician gently rubbed the gel on my belly. My midwife held my hand. The instrument slid over my small roundness, and there he was. Exactly as my dream had portrayed!
The technician shook her head, and silently I died inside.
My midwife held me silently, there were no words to say.
"He's dead, he's dead, he's dead" I called my husband on the phone.
Silence, just like death....Pain, agony, torture, grief that tumbles over us like waves of smoke.
Three days, we wait.
Then the sterile hospital greets us. The nurses pat my arms gently. My husband tears. My children stay home and try to understand why this is so.....Death has invaded us.
People say strange things that are suppose to be comforting. I just cry, again, again, and again.
We tried again, again, and again.....
Still there is no child.
But, I should be okay, right? Afterall, I already have four boys, so it can't be that bad?
"That bad?" I think. No, it's worse.


----------



## julielp (Jul 16, 2004)

Wow. That was deep and i feel so unexplanable reading that rebelgrace. I don't even know what to say but i'm glad that i read it.


----------



## crayon (Aug 24, 2002)




----------



## ggma (Apr 20, 2004)

Thank you all for the strength it takes each of you to be so fully open to this experience and for reaching out to share it with - friends. I wish I had found this site earlier when I was in the midst... but I am also very honored to participate with all of you when it is the right time for me. In honor of my two boys upcoming birthday, 8/28, I'd love to share the poem that I wrote for them.

Five months and
two weeks
I grew
like that old goddess
all tits and belly and ass
all gorgeous woman
like I've never known.

Five months and
two weeks
I carried
creation
to it's own perfection.

From one egg
one fathering fish-like
integration
sprouted two boys
who rocked my senses.

That night
that night my body opened
and my blood flowed free
they declared their time
they opted
for flying high
for touching my heart
with a hefty hope
as I cradled
each body
in the palm of
each of my hands.

Five months and
two weeks
I grew
translucent beauty
bones
like blades of grass
that bent through me
that bent
me
to the rhythm of
of
the mother.

And this mother
wonders
wonders how
anything
so small
as this is mine
or you are mine
can conquer some minds
to take others down.

Five months and
two weeks
I grew
dreams
like the needles
of some ancient pine
two of which
chose to settle down
down to this ground
without a breath
they chose to settle down
down to this gorund
to gaze upwards
to feed the dreams.

-Gina Greene


----------

