# MIL and carseat rant



## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Okay, I am really frustrated and feeling bullied.

The DGPs are taking LO for the weekend. No issue here, she's stayed over at their house before. We love that the GPs want to be involved.

The problem is that this woman is an anti-carseat bully and won't listen to reason or legality! She actually thinks it's okay to let LO sit on a phone book and buckle with the adult buckle! HELLO!!!

She went behind my back and instructed DP to leave carseat at friend's house (he is also out of town this wknd). So here I am with no car to pick up the carseat, no back up seat, no one at the house where carseat is located, and the whole family "against" me coz they think I'm being overprotective and babying LO. They will be doing a lot of interstate driving as they're taking her to an out of state petting zoo (i'll save that for another vegan rant!).

DP did not stand up on this issue. MIL has pretty much bullied him his whole life, and he does not do well with conflict against her. I admit that I have let her have her way before (coz it's much easier), and now we have a situation where she pretty much bulldozes thru our parenting. So it's me against the dragon, lol.

LO is 41lbs and 5yo. She is NOT legal to ride without a booster or carseat. About a year ago, LO was complaining that her 5pt harness was for babies, so DGM arbitrarily, without asking me or dad, bought her a booster to replace the 5pt and has "normalized" it with the family, making it out like we are silly for wanting her in the 5pt.

I don't know what to do. I feel bullied and pressured by this woman. She is totally unreasonable. There is also a hearing/communication issue. She is progressively going deaf and has become more and more overbearing (feels like she's not being heard so has quit "listening") as she loses her hearing. So it's hard to talk this out with her. We IM, but I just really don't feel like I can talk to her without her wheedling me for info on DP (she is still trying to run his life and tries to use ME for her passive aggressive manipulation).

I don't understand why she has chosen to be anti-carseat when she is all up on us for other safety issues (that we're not worried about---like LO will be traumatized by swim lessons because 20yrs ago the lifeguards weren't watching DP







). She has major control issues and is always telling me my business (I've been doing this for almost 6 yrs now! I think I know the basics like how to pack LOs bag for the wknd). <sigh> She is pretty much THE ARCHETYPAL NIGHTMARE MIL, lol.

They are coming to pick her up tomorrow morning. I need to hear from some sane mamas here about how to handle this without totally destroying our relationship. She's the kind of person that if you don't do what she says, she will pretty much cut off all contact and support. Help!


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

That would be a total deal breaker for me. She wouldn't be going, period. Goodness knows what else is going on and what they are brainwashing your DD with when you aren't there. Not to mention that it is illegal for you to send her out with no seat - you said it yourself.

No way no how would I let those people take my kid for a few hours, let alone a weekend.

Put your foot down mama, or you will be dealing with her walking all over you for the rest of her life.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

thanks for responding. I feel like crying. They are basically our only extended family---my LO has no grandparents except them. Aunties and uncles are not involve either. I want my daughter to have a grandparent relationship. They are good people and are generally very concerned for LOs well-being. Why does she have to make the carseat her personal control crusade? Why can't she just give way to reason and legality? and enjoy the wknd with LO.


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

I wouldn't let her go without a proper booster. My in-laws are also anti-car seat and think it's just fine to use a phone book for a smaller child (they're talking 2 year olds here.) I just made it a rule that they couldn't drive the kids around until *I* installed a seat for the child. Thankfully DH is on my side and just told his mother how it was and that her options were to either take the seat and use it properly or not take the child.

Good luck.


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## dachshundqueen (Dec 17, 2004)

Well, they wouldn't be taking my kids anywhere. Oddly enough, my DH's family still hasn't figured out how to buckle the stinking car seats, and my kids are 4 and 2.......so........guess who doesn't take my kids anywhere, unless DH or I are in the car with them.

If they choose not to follow the carseat rule, well, they choose not to take your daughter. But then you run into the problem of whether or not they actually use the carseat......so......I'm thinking this is a "no go".

Liz


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## MrsAprilMay (Jul 7, 2007)

Ultimately, you are responsible for your LO. If you truly feel that the situation will be unsafe then you have not only the right but the responsibility to keep her home.

Have you talked to your DP about this? I would feel very violated if my DH hid my DD's carseat because his mom asked him to.

You have to set up boundries. It will be a pain to do, and there may be hurt feelings for a while. But ultimately having the respect you deserve will make it worth the struggle now.


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

You are mommy. You make the rules. She may be the 'dragon' but she doesn't have a chance if you simply refuse to do battle with her. It's your way or the highway.

There's probably no way to handle this without her being angry at you. You're going to have to be the 'bad guy' and there's no way around it. It's time to accept that you have to step on some toes to protect your child.

MIL can't do anything except get mad. She can't ground your or send you to your room without dinner or spank you or take your privileges away. You don't even have to listen to her rant and rave. You can hang up the phone. You can refuse to answer the door.

Call her tonight and tell her that your child will not be going tomorrow. If she argues, do not engage. If she wheedles for info about your DP, do not engage. Just repeat "MIL, DD will not be going with you tomorrow." If she becomes belligerent, hang up the phone. If she shows up on your doorstep tomorrow, don't answer the door.

I don't even know how to begin to address the problems you have with your partner for hiding the carseat from you. I can't even fathom how you could call him a 'partner' after he pulled a stunt like that.


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## Twinklefae (Dec 13, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiger Lily* 
You are mommy. You make the rules. She may be the 'dragon' but she doesn't have a chance if you simply refuse to do battle with her. It's your way or the highway.

There's probably no way to handle this without her being angry at you. You're going to have to be the 'bad guy' and there's no way around it. It's time to accept that you have to step on some toes to protect your child.

MIL can't do anything except get mad. She can't ground your or send you to your room without dinner or spank you or take your privileges away. You don't even have to listen to her rant and rave. You can hang up the phone. You can refuse to answer the door.

Call her tonight and tell her that your child will not be going tomorrow. If she argues, do not engage. If she wheedles for info about your DP, do not engage. Just repeat "MIL, DD will not be going with you tomorrow." If she becomes belligerent, hang up the phone. If she shows up on your doorstep tomorrow, don't answer the door.

I don't even know how to begin to address the problems you have with your partner for hiding the carseat from you. I can't even fathom how you could call him a 'partner' after he pulled a stunt like that.









:

Also, I know that she's your only extended family and that's great. There are plenty of ways for them to be involved your LO's life that don't involve them driving her around unsafely. They can visit you together, you can visit them, Grandma can cheer at sports events and concerts, etc. and when she's older she can do overnights and things


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## MariesMama (Sep 26, 2008)

So she's coming to pick up your DC with no booster? And knows you are super against this? When she gets there, just say, "Gosh, your son left DC's car seat somewhere! DC can't go in a car without one. Whoops!"

If your MIL is going to play games like that, play right back.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Well, he didn't really "hide" it from us. He mistakenly took it with him (this happens all the time as we leave the cs in our only car, and we just forgot to take it out before he left) on his way out of town, and left it there when she said she wouldn't need it. I'm not mad at him, I understand that he was in a hurry to get out of town didn't fully think thru the repercussions of leaving the seat at friend's house.

I am pissd about being in this situation, tho.

They live about an hour and a half away, so most times LO sees them, there is driving involved. I could probably walk down to the drug store and buy LO a new booster, but c'mon, why am I her only carseat advocate?

I do not want to cancel the weekend. Please don't flame me for that! I want her to have this experience with them, IN HER CARSEAT!!! LOL. They are really great grandparents, they are just from the era that doesn't place importance on the carseat.

I guess my only option is to insist that she ride in the carseat or she doesn't go.

Any ideas on how to assertively phrase an IM that leaves no option MIL to refuse carseat? As I said in PP--phone convo is out, as she has hearing loss.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Thank you to everyone for responding. I am so grateful for the feedback! I seriously was on the edge of tears on OP, and now I'm starting to settle down and think about this a little less emotionally.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

Oh boy. I feel for you.

You definitely have every right to make the rules when it comes to your child's safety. If she can't follow your car seat rules, she doesn't get to drive your child around. End of discussion. If she chooses to cut off contact then it's unfortunate, but what can you do?

It's a really hard situation. I'm sorry you are in it.









My MIL is similar, though more passive-aggressive. She took my DS out of his car seat while I was driving, when he was only a few months old. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and gently explained that she can NEVER do that again, it is totally UNSAFE. Well instead of just saying "oh ok, no problem" she decided to make it a huge conflict and try to convince everyone that I made it up. She made a long list of excuses to me "We weren't going very fast" "We were almost to the parking lot" "I didn't take him out, I just loosened the straps..." (lies lies!)

Eventually I let it go, but she has NEVER driven with him. He is 2 1/2 now. If she gave us any clue that she actually heard our concern and planned on following our wishes, it would have been over & done with. But I can't trust her (there are other things too, not just this one incident). And it sounds like you can't trust your MIL either. I'd much rather have an upset MIL than put my child in danger.

What is the hardest though, and it sounds like you're having the same problem, is having DH stand up to her. It took us a LONG time and MANY arguments before he got it. Now he has been putting his foot down, and our relationship with her is suffering to the point where we will probably break off contact soon if she continues to act this way. It's really sad because I want DS to have relationships with his grandparents... but it is their choice to either be involved (and follow OUR rules) or not. We can't change them.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

Quote:

I guess my only option is to insist that she ride in the carseat or she doesn't go.
Yes, this. If you give in this once, she will think it's really not that important to you and it will set a precident that you don't want for the future.

I'm not sure I understand... she TOLD your DH that she didn't need the car seat? So was she planning on putting your LO in a booster or in nothing?


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## KristaDJ (May 30, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Tiger Lily* 
You are mommy. You make the rules. She may be the 'dragon' but she doesn't have a chance if you simply refuse to do battle with her. It's your way or the highway.

There's probably no way to handle this without her being angry at you. You're going to have to be the 'bad guy' and there's no way around it. It's time to accept that you have to step on some toes to protect your child.

MIL can't do anything except get mad. She can't ground your or send you to your room without dinner or spank you or take your privileges away. You don't even have to listen to her rant and rave. You can hang up the phone. You can refuse to answer the door.

Call her tonight and tell her that your child will not be going tomorrow. If she argues, do not engage. If she wheedles for info about your DP, do not engage. Just repeat "MIL, DD will not be going with you tomorrow." If she becomes belligerent, hang up the phone. If she shows up on your doorstep tomorrow, don't answer the door.

I don't even know how to begin to address the problems you have with your partner for hiding the carseat from you. I can't even fathom how you could call him a 'partner' after he pulled a stunt like that.

This.
Read it several times and let it all sink in and do exactly what tigerlily says.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Yes, she intends to let LO ride with no booster. Wtf? Pardon my acronym. I can't even fathom her thinking.

I just looked up CO carseat law, and LO is legal for a booster, but is way under the height to ride just buckled. So the compromise would the the short backless booster that is essentially the same height, etc. as MIL's "phone book" method.

You all are right about taking a stand now or she will walk all over our parenting forever. I know. That's probably why I'm so nervous and emotional about this---I know it's a big deal, even tho to the outsider it might not appear that important.


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## Daisie125 (Oct 26, 2005)

Quote:

Any ideas on how to assertively phrase an IM that leaves no option MIL to refuse carseat? As I said in PP--phone convo is out, as she has hearing loss.
My daughter will not be leaving this house without her booster seat this weekend or any time in the foreseeable future. It is illegal and unsafe. This is not open for discussion.

I fear that this woman will continue to undermine you as a parent, if it's not the car seat issue it will be something else.... she sounds toxic and totally unable to let go of control. I wouldn't put it past her to remove the car seat the second she gets home and not use it for the rest of the trip, and THAT is why I personally would cancel.


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

I would call her and apologize and say that the car seat was accidentally left at a third party's house. Tell that you can't pick it up because you can't drive LO without it. Ask her to please pick it up on her way to your house. LO cannot be driven without it.

Again, apologize for forcing her to go on the errand but explain that LO can't ride in her car without her. If she shows up without it, don't let LO get in the car. Period.

I would ignore the rest of the issues. If there is no carseat or booster in her car, LO doesn't get in.


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## Pam_and_Abigail (Dec 2, 2002)

I'm feeling devilish when I say this, but what do you think of letting your dd go, then putting in an annonymous call to the cops about seeing a small child in a car with no booster and you just happened to have written down the plate number.

Honestly, I would not let the child go. My 50 lb 6 year old is still in a harness (Radian). Not to be crude, but what kind of relationship will your dd have with her GP's if she's in a wheelchair, or paralyzed, or... worse. Sometimes moms have to be b!*@%es to their MIL's to put them in their place. They had their turn being a parent, now it's yours and you call the shots.


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## Cativari (Mar 26, 2007)

I read this post and had to reply.

First off like the other posters I wouldn't let her go without a carseat. Is there anyway you can afford a second booster or maybe borrow a friend's for a few days? Or maybe have them stay the weekend to spend the time this time because DD has no safe way of riding in a car.

Since the leagality and safety talks didn't work I'd go the next step. Go online and find instances of accidents in which the kids in the vehicle weren't in carseats. Make sure there are pictures and statements from the families whos kids were killed or seriously injured for not being properly restrained. Make sure she reads/watches these accounts and then stress again how important it is for your DD to be in her seat. Then ask her the question "could you live with yourself if you were indirectly(or directly) the caused of your grandchild's death or permenat disability?" Then mention how you wouldn't be able to if it had been preventable. Which it would prolly be.

Also on top of the above infomation have the leagal consequences for not having a kid a the proper seat. (Charges of child neglect, willing child endagerment, fines ect...)

I'm basically saying scare her into doing the right thing. You've tried reasoning and being kind. Scaring her might be what she needs to get the point to sink in.

Good luck


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Pam_and_Abigail* 
I'm feeling devilish when I say this, but what do you think of letting your dd go, then putting in an annonymous call to the cops about seeing a small child in a car with no booster and you just happened to have written down the plate number.

Honestly, I would not let the child go. My 50 lb 6 year old is still in a harness (Radian). Not to be crude, but what kind of relationship will your dd have with her GP's if she's in a wheelchair, or paralyzed, or... worse. Sometimes moms have to be b!*@%es to their MIL's to put them in their place. They had their turn being a parent, now it's yours and you call the shots.

LOL! I had visions of them getting pulled over myself. I won't do that, though, coz I don't want her to ride without her booster until she's legal (55 inches? I am 60 inches, so that does seem a little extreme to me).

Oh, great, she's texting me now. Here I go with assertive [email protected]# mom text. It must be done!


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## pampered_mom (Mar 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
LO is 41lbs and 5yo. She is NOT legal to ride without a booster or carseat.

What about stressing on this point too? Get a copy of your state's child passenger safety laws and point out that you aren't willing to aid her in breaking state law.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Done. AAAaaghh! I may have just opened up a big can of worms. I'm interested to see how she'll respond.

Glad I'm not crying about it anymore. Now I'm kind of in the I can't believe it laughing nervously phase.


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## THBVsMommy (Mar 13, 2007)

"My daughter's safety is non-negotiable. She will be going nowhere without a booster seat".

You have to step on toes and hurt feelings to get your point across. Don't give it once, or it will make it easier to give in the next time, and the next.


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## Mommy2Austin (Oct 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
Done. AAAaaghh! I may have just opened up a big can of worms. I'm interested to see how she'll respond.

Glad I'm not crying about it anymore. Now I'm kind of in the I can't believe it laughing nervously phase.

Glad you asserted yourself. I'm a big "live and let live" on little things. However when it comes to safety and my kids. There is no compromise. It's my way or no way. Period. You don't compromise on safety.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Cativari* 
I read this post and had to reply.

First off like the other posters I wouldn't let her go without a carseat. Is there anyway you can afford a second booster or maybe borrow a friend's for a few days? Or maybe have them stay the weekend to spend the time this time because DD has no safe way of riding in a car.

Since the leagality and safety talks didn't work I'd go the next step. Go online and find instances of accidents in which the kids in the vehicle weren't in carseats. Make sure there are pictures and statements from the families whos kids were killed or seriously injured for not being properly restrained. Make sure she reads/watches these accounts and then stress again how important it is for your DD to be in her seat. Then ask her the question "could you live with yourself if you were indirectly(or directly) the caused of your grandchild's death or permenat disability?" Then mention how you wouldn't be able to if it had been preventable. Which it would prolly be.

Also on top of the above infomation have the leagal consequences for not having a kid a the proper seat. (Charges of child neglect, willing child endagerment, fines ect...)

I'm basically saying scare her into doing the right thing. You've tried reasoning and being kind. Scaring her might be what she needs to get the point to sink in.

Good luck

Do you have a graphic link ready? I feel an MIL IM session on it's way, and I'd like to be prepared, just in case.


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## Mommy2Austin (Oct 10, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
Do you have a graphic link ready? I feel an MIL IM session on it's way, and I'd like to be prepared, just in case.

Now see from my angle I've "seen" you give MIL all the information on safety in the car. SHe's not buying.

So turn it around on her. Make her do the research to show you that its:

1) Legal to have your 5 yo in the car w/o a booster/carseat

2) Completely safe to have your 5 yo in the car w/o a booster carseat.

Obviously she won't be able to find the information she seeks without really looking and she really won't get s results she wants, but maybe seeing it after researching it herself will knock some sense into her.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

This is what I txtd:

"V has to ride in a booster for the trip. As her mom, I insist. Whether she likes it or not, it's for her safety. T left it at A's tho, and I have no way to pick it up."

So it's in their court as to whether they get her a new one or go pick up the old one. I called the drugstore that's within walking distance, and they don't carry carseats, so I can't do anything about that.

She hasn't responded, tho I know she got txt and is online. I don't really care if it hurts her feelings or pss her off; if she's egocentric enough to let something as cut and dry as basic safety protocol ruin their wknd, then so be it.

I'm standing my ground, yall. Thanks for the support. If they show up without a booster, I'll just let them know which stores in our town carry them, and smile and offer tea. LOs not going on the trip without the carseat!!!

I just hope that they get the darn seat and it ends there. I don't want this to become a spitting contest. I will win, tho, even if we throw down and V ends up not going coz MIL decides to be unreasonable. I really would rather avoid an unnecessary scene, and I wish that I could pick up a booster so it's ready when and if they get here.

Ugh. This should be such a non issue.


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## Julia24 (Jun 28, 2004)

If it's still salvage-able - I would take the EXACT opposite technique that everyone else is suggesting (except the not letting her go without a seat part - that part is non-negotiable, it's how you GET there that I'd go about differently)

I feel like parents like that LIKE to feel like they're in charge - so, I let them. I let them FEEL that way, even if I'm the one pulling the strings. I would butter her up, tell her you just want to understand, tell her you are really trying to find a solution you can BOTH live with bc you so value her relationship with dd and you really love how much they love her and how much support they offer to you both.

I would probably ask her WHY she is so opposed to the carseat? Is it difficult for them to work? Could you help them by showing them how? By showing dd how? (My dd was EXTREMELY proficient at this by 5, bc her grandparents are just remedial and despite how much they love her and value her safety they just got it wrong every friggin' time - so I taught her instead) Would they feel better if you purchased one for them to keep in THEIR car?

I admit, we compromised and got a backless booster for our dd bc it was easy 'enough' to put in and take out and small enough to store in their trunk so they ALWAYS had it. Not my ideal situation, BUT - at least she was in a booster, and they don't drive with her that often. I just told dh about this, and he's an EXPERT diplomat, I swear...and he says he would say "You probably think it's silly, and maybe it is, but I'm absolutely uncomfortable with her riding without one, and I am hoping that you can just respect me and do it FOR me". Honestly - he's the master. We'd probably mention that it IS in fact, illegal. (I would have to link to the friggin state website bc my ILs never believe I know what the heck I'm talking about!







)

My Mom - who lives farther away is more cooperative, but I kind of expect that bc she IS driving on the expressway - ALOT. I've even got her buying a TrueFit or a Nautilus for my 3.5 yo, bc her old seat is expiring! And she likes to have her OWN seats - she doesn't like to have us install ours. (she is one who also keeps a crib, stroller, bouncey seat, exersaucer, etc etc etc at her house - she's crazy!)


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Wow. We just had really loving conversation about the whole deal!! I'm really blown away, I can tell she genuinely wants to spend the time with DD and is willing to "humor" me about cs issue. It seems she's willing to pick and choose battles and defer to mom after all!!

DGP is going to stop in nearby town and pick up new booster!! Yay!! I'm so glad that I stood up for my self and my daughter.

She tried to sell me on her whole "box covered with a towel" idea LOL and I just told her that I know they're safe drivers, but I'm just not comfortable with V riding without a booster. So she didn't sound happy about it, but it looks like we're not going to have a throw down, and they're willing to honor my "crazy" car safety ideas.

I just feel a huge weight lifted off of me. I can relax now!

Thanks, mamas!


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## MaryJaneLouise (Jul 26, 2005)

: and







: all at the same time!


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## LemonPie (Sep 18, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
This is what I txtd:

"V has to ride in a booster for the trip. As her mom, I insist. Whether she likes it or not, it's for her safety. T left it at A's tho, and I have no way to pick it up."

So it's in their court as to whether they get her a new one or go pick up the old one. I called the drugstore that's within walking distance, and they don't carry carseats, so I can't do anything about that.

She hasn't responded, tho I know she got txt and is online. I don't really care if it hurts her feelings or pss her off; if she's egocentric enough to let something as cut and dry as basic safety protocol ruin their wknd, then so be it.

I'm standing my ground, yall. Thanks for the support. If they show up without a booster, I'll just let them know which stores in our town carry them, and smile and offer tea. LOs not going on the trip without the carseat!!!

I just hope that they get the darn seat and it ends there. I don't want this to become a spitting contest. I will win, tho, even if we throw down and V ends up not going coz MIL decides to be unreasonable. I really would rather avoid an unnecessary scene, and I wish that I could pick up a booster so it's ready when and if they get here.

Ugh. This should be such a non issue.









Way to go Mama.


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## craft_media_hero (May 15, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MaryJaneLouise* 







: and







: all at the same time!









I know! That's exactly how I feel, too! I can't believe how stressed out I was about this.

DGP just called and said they're going to get their own booster tonight so they can have it and won't ever have to worry about the cs getting left somewhere again. Had I not made an issue about it, tho, they would have been content to haul her around on the box







LOL

Honestly, I'm surprised MIL just took the path of least resistance. This is the most reasonable she's ever been heehee! Maybe you just have to stand up to the dragon, after all!

I'm so glad this didn't turn into a brawl. I was preparing my mama bear self for it, though.

Again, thanks a lot to everyone who voiced their feedback. It is a huge relief to have this community of mothers where I'm not the AP hippy safety weirdo. It's nice to have someone else agree that my concerns are justified. Here in the real world, I'm a pretty isolated mommy as most my friends don't have kids and we live in a very "mainstream" community.


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## gsd1amommy (Apr 6, 2007)

And you know, maybe Grandma isn't being a total bitch. My father bristled up a bit about my 5 year old needing to be in a carseat, too. he offered alternatives, different ideas, etc. I insisted and he just wouldn't budge. He finally admitted to my mom that he was embarrassed that he didn't know how to safely install and buckle and if he got it wrong, he wouldn't even realize it. I just assumed he was being a jerk and didn't care if his grandson was safe.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

So you took their keys and distributor cap before leaving your LO with them?







:


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Julia24* 
I feel like parents like that LIKE to feel like they're in charge - so, I let them. I let them FEEL that way, even if I'm the one pulling the strings.


I did this, on some issues, w/ my late mil and now that she's dead, I found out from her friends that she portrayed me as an inept, ding-dong parent who needed her help with EVERYTHING.

It's completely laughable, but also a bit irritating. In the months following mil's death, we spent a lot of time helping fil & visiting w/ him so he wouldn't be lonely. We would see their friends frequently during these visits and they learned very quickly that I'm not the moron she made me sound like. One of them told me, just recently, how mil portrayed me and she said, "I knew after our first conversation you could not be the way she made you sound! I told my dh I didn't know what she was talking about!"









Mil was forever telling these ppl, "Oh, I need to go help w/ the kids. She needs help in the house. I have to go help her."









Carseats were an issue, too, and when I stood my ground, she then went OVERBOARD! Suddenly, kids safety was paramount (very good), but then she REFUSED TO EVER GET RID OF EXPIRED SEATS AND WANTED TO KEEP USING THEM. This was even after I told her they were expired, cut the straps and get rid of them.










The woman drove me SO CRAZY for 12 years that dh and I never went to his hometown to visit (sometimes not even once a year) because of her. She drove dh nuts, too.

Now we go more often and those acquaintances we now consider good friends. And they know I'm not a dummy.









On other issues, I stood my ground and really did not waver, but it was SO frustrating! She would wear us down till we did it her way.







:

So, OP, while that's a good tactic (let her think she's getting her way) and probably the less stressful of the 2, you'll probably end up dealing w/ the same outcome that I have.

* Going to continue reading the thread now...*


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *craft_media_hero* 
Wow. We just had really loving conversation about the whole deal!! I'm really blown away, I can tell she genuinely wants to spend the time with DD and is willing to "humor" me about cs issue. It seems she's willing to pick and choose battles and defer to mom after all!!

DGP is going to stop in nearby town and pick up new booster!! Yay!! I'm so glad that I stood up for my self and my daughter.

She tried to sell me on her whole "box covered with a towel" idea LOL and I just told her that I know they're safe drivers, but I'm just not comfortable with V riding without a booster. So she didn't sound happy about it, but it looks like we're not going to have a throw down, and they're willing to honor my "crazy" car safety ideas.

I just feel a huge weight lifted off of me. I can relax now!

Thanks, mamas!


This is what we ended up doing w/ my mil. She had a booster seat at her house for my ds1 and I had one that I would loan her for my dd.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *sapphire_chan* 
So you took their keys and distributor cap before leaving your LO with them?







:











As an aside, I hope I'm an on-the-ball mil and get along well w/ the ppl my kids marry.


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## Julia24 (Jun 28, 2004)

Harperrose- it's a good thing I just don't give a damn then, hey? I would not be surprised AT ALL if she portrayed me like that. And they live IN TOWN with us! Oh well. She doesn't think anyone knows what the hell they're doing, so whatever.


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## HarperRose (Feb 22, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Julia24* 







Harperrose- it's a good thing I just don't give a damn then, hey? I would not be surprised AT ALL if she portrayed me like that. And they live IN TOWN with us! Oh well. She doesn't think anyone knows what the hell they're doing, so whatever.

I tell ya, I am glad my mil is dead.

I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my house again. I don't have someone judging me. (The kicker is that she was a hoarder and her house was HORRIFYING!!!)


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