# "get that baby out of your bed"



## carrie a. (Oct 2, 2008)

We cosleep with DD, almost 8 months old, and love it. I dismantled the crib and took down the pack and play because I never used either. I figure that she'll let us know when she's ready to be on her own and I'm pretty sure she won't be sleeping with us forever. I figure eventually DD will get her own bed in her room and it will be big enough for a parent to lay down with her if need be. But DH wants to know when "eventually" will be. He's not anti-cosleeping. He's a planner and a worrier and he struggles with friends and coworkers telling him to "get that baby out of your bed".

So, if there's anyone out there with kids who coslept and now have their own bed: how old were they when they got their own bed? was it a smooth transition?

Thanks so much!

p.s. rant: Why do people care so much that we're cosleeping with our baby? And why do they think it's ok to comment about it?


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Abigail is nearly 4 and we're in the process of transitioning her from our bed to a crib mattress that is on the floor by our bed. Last night, she slept in bed with us and twice Sophia rolled off the edge of the bed (on purpose?) and slept on the mattress on the floor until she woke for her night nursings.

You could tell your husband to not expect them to want to sleep in their own bed until the age of 4 or 5. That way, if yours does leave sooner, he'll be pleasantly surprised.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *carrie a.* 
p.s. rant:
1.)Why do people care so much that we're cosleeping with our baby?

2.)And why do they think it's ok to comment about it?

1.)Because admitting what you're doing is ok makes them feel insecure about their choice not to.

2.)Because they think their opinion is right and yours is wrong.

(I'm just guessing, of course.)


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

Why is your husband discussing your family's sleeping arrangements at work? Can't he just refuse to talk about it?


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

I said this myself *before* we had DD. Some friends of ours were miserable with their DD in bed with them. True it wasn't any of my business, except my friend kept telling me, thus making it my business







:.

Anyway I said the same thing, until DD was born and nursing, waking and doing what newborn does. WE slept with her until she was about 2. She has had brief moment where it was again necessary for her to sleep with us. Honestly I cannot imagine her sleeping through the whole night with us anymore, because NO ONE was sleeping. She's thrasher and fidgets, and we can't handle it. We do have a big bed for her and just went through the final transition of bed/sleeping. Last night I put her down and she was not asleep after 20 minutes of me laying with her. I am 14.5 weeks pg and well I have to pee often, she asked where I was going and I said I have to pee. She just said "goodnight"" and I left. She's going on 3, it has not been flawless, but it has happened. Plus I cannot see how anyone can sleep with a toddler and a newborn in the bed, but that's just me. DD does come in from usually around 3:30-5 and sleeps with us for a few hours, this arrangement is working for us.

Tell your DH to chill out and not be concerned about what other think, and that sleeping is a whole heck of a lot better than the alternative(like being up all friggin night). Happy sleeping baby=happy sleeping parents, and that makes for a much better world.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MonAmiBella* 
Last night I put her down and she was not asleep after 20 minutes of me laying with her. I am 14.5 weeks pg and well I have to pee often, she asked where I was going and I said I have to pee. She just said "goodnight"" and I left. She's going on 3, it has not been flawless, but it has happened.

Isn't it great when they say, OK, or Goodnight and you can actually get up to pee all by yourself while they lie in bed.









Quote:


Originally Posted by *MonAmiBella* 
Plus I cannot see how anyone can sleep with a toddler and a newborn in the bed, but that's just me.

I was nervous about this, as well, because Abigail was only 13.75 months old when Sophia was born and still so very needy. Abigail would/will only sleep in the middle cause it's her spot. I knew them lying next to each other in the middle wouldn't work (and tried it). So I did the only other thing I could. Sophia sleeps between me and the edge of the bed. We side carred the crib to my side so she couldn't fall out of bed. Abigail is fidgety, twisty, turning ball of legs, elbows, knees and hair when she's trying to fall asleep. Sophia is now 2.5 years old and I can't imagine *not* letting a newbown sleep with a toddler. Oh, and Abigail was big - she was 9.5 pounds at birth, 20 pounds by 5 months, and 23 pounds by a year. Sophia was only 5.5 pounds at birth so I was terribly worried about anyone squishing her tiny little self. She was never squished, and I'm by no means tiny.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *carrie a.* 
He's a planner and a worrier and he struggles with friends and coworkers telling him to "get that baby out of your bed".


A lot of people are like that. I always ask them if they like to sleep alone, why would a baby? It isn't very logical.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Norasmomma* 
I cannot see how anyone can sleep with a toddler and a newborn in the bed, but that's just me.

with one of these! hehee







:

and to the OP, you and your DH will probably learn that talking about things like cosleeping/extended BFing/GD/etc. just doesn't go over well with mainstream people. i just don't bring things up anymore, unless i'm around likeminded people. ETA: when people ask me directly, i tell the truth, and if someone gives me advice, i just tell them something like "yeah, i'm so glad we've found a situation that works for us!" smile, and change the subject









and i think the the "average" age of sleeping on their own voluntarily is between 2.5 and 4


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## MrsTittlemouse (Apr 17, 2006)

Carrie, ds was 3 (and we still went into his room and slept with him often). DD was about 15 months, she was at the point where we were just lying her down and she would fall asleep all by herself. I only wish she was that easy as a 5 year old.


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

mamarootoo-seriously NO ONE would sleep in our house if we all were in the bed. DD is a thrasher, and she keeps everyone awake. Just being pregnant and sleeping by her is too much, but I get your point. I just can only have one baby in bed at a time, for everyone's comfort.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Let's see. DS coslept with us full time from about 10 months to 18 months. We then put him in his own bed in the beginning of the night (we'd lay with him to fall asleep) and he'd come to our room when he woke (anywhere from 11pm to 3am). That went on until he was about 4....he would go through cycles when it would be more towards 11pm, then it would be more towards 3am every night. After he turned 4, it was consistently after 2am, and more frequently 5am just for a last-hour snuggle.







He occasionally sleeps the whole night in his room. He was doing it more consistently for a while, but has gotten back to his 5am snuggle fest.

DD was in a bedside bassinet for the first ocuple months, then in bed with us for a few months, then started the night in her crib and I'd bring her to bed with me when I went to sleep, and that lasted until about 13 or 14 months. We put her into a twin at that poin tin her room, and i'd lay with her to fall asleep, then she'd call for me at some poitn and I'd spend the last part of the night with her in her room. That's still where we are right now.

SO basically, we play musical beds every night. DH and DD start and end sleeping in the same place, DS and I both move partway through the night.

I think ours have both been smooth transitions, at least in our minds, because they were always welcome in our room/bed (or me going to DD); there was never the "you're a big kid now and have ot stay in your room" freaking them out. So yeah, we still don't have a "marital bed" in the sense that it's just me and DH all night; but that's not really important to us.

I'd echo the PP who said to turn it around on the people commenting and ask why it's OK for them to want to sleep with their spouses, but not for their kids to want to sleep with them? To us, sleep is sleep, and is a cuddly, warm, connecting, inviting time - why *wouldn't* we want to share that with our kids? Other, erm, "recreational"







activities between DH and I can be done elsewhere in the house.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Norasmomma* 
mamarootoo-seriously NO ONE would sleep in our house if we all were in the bed. DD is a thrasher, and she keeps everyone awake. Just being pregnant and sleeping by her is too much, but I get your point. I just can only have one baby in bed at a time, for everyone's comfort.

i wasn't saying you guys should! you said you don't see how _anyone_ can sleep with a newborn and a toddler in their bed. i was just giving one example of how it can work


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## Liquesce (Nov 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~Purity♥Lake~* 
I was nervous about this, as well, because Abigail was only 13.75 months old when Sophia was born and still so very needy. Abigail would/will only sleep in the middle cause it's her spot. I knew them lying next to each other in the middle wouldn't work (and tried it). So I did the only other thing I could. Sophia sleeps between me and the edge of the bed. We side carred the crib to my side so she couldn't fall out of bed.









Exactly the same age difference here, and I used exactly the same solution.


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## MacKinnon (Jun 15, 2004)

This all bothered me much more with DD (#1) than with DS (#2). By the time DS came around, I was much more comfortable saying, "Meh... It's just how we are! We co-sleep FOREVER... They'll probably be in our beds when they go to college" and just letting people fuss away on their own. They stop, BTW, once you have two co-sleeping children. I think it's a new parent thing, for the most part.

But, to answer your question... DD is 5 and still co-sleeping BUT... her bedroom is downstairs and ours is up. If she had a same-floor bedroom, I think she would be staying her own bed by now. As it is, we actually bring her up, still, because we aren't OK with her on the ground-floor, alone. She expresses her desire to still be with the family at night and not be left alone.


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## coffee.caugh (Apr 9, 2009)

the same people that turn their noses up at an 8 month old sleeping in your bed are the same ones who would tell you to let them CIO alone in their crib.
pooh on that


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## PeacefulSprout (Mar 31, 2009)

Our first moved out of our bed at the same time as #2 and #3!! So, let's seee... the girls were 8 months, and Eli was 20 months! He then rebounded when I was pregnant with #4, but moved back into his room permanently at 3 1/2 with his little brother to protect him from nightmares







#5 (6 months now) will sleep with us until he "shows us" he's ready!!! I LOVE co-sleeping, and look forward to bedtime when we get to snuggle all night!

Don't let ANYONE talk you out of co-sleeping!


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## Norasmomma (Feb 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
i wasn't saying you guys should! you said you don't see how _anyone_ can sleep with a newborn and a toddler in their bed. i was just giving one example of how it can work









I also said it was just my _opinion.







_


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Norasmomma* 
Plus I cannot see how *anyone* can sleep with a toddler and a newborn in the bed, but that's just me.


Quote:


Originally Posted by *Norasmomma* 
I also said it was just my _opinion.







_

(bolding mine)

i understand that







i was just showing you how _someone_ could do it. not being snarky, just giving an example.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *The4OfUs* 
I'd echo the PP who said to turn it around on the people commenting and ask why it's OK for them to want to sleep with their spouses, but not for their kids to want to sleep with them? To us, sleep is sleep, and is a cuddly, warm, connecting, inviting time - why *wouldn't* we want to share that with our kids? Other, erm, "recreational"







activities between DH and I can be done elsewhere in the house.


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## MommyMichele (May 2, 2006)

Co-sleeping has been one of the best things I've ever done, been doing it for 8 years (or 14 if you count sleeping with a spouse!







) and I've never had any regrets.

I have several reasons for it, but a big one is that I never understood why kids in this culture are supposed to sleep alone while grown-ups get to sleep together.

My oldest got her own bed in her own room around her 3rd birthday. We were just matter-of-fact about it, telling her she could sleep there now, not saying she couldn't sleep in the big bed. Right away she wanted to sleep in her own bed, though for about a year she often joined us in the big bed just before dawn to get her morning mommymilk.

My second child, who, unlike her big sister, slept right beside me from the day she was born, transitioned even more quickly and completely, around 2.5. Again, we just got a new bed for her and put it in her room. She even weaned around the same time, and started listening to stories to fall asleep instead of nursing to sleep.

There have occasionally been times when the girls want to sleep in the big bed and it has usually been fine. No struggles. We have even invited them a few times!

My youngest is still sleeping beside me at night but I think I could probably be nursing him to sleep in his room instead of the big bed. His room is not totally _his_ own room yet though, so it's actually more convenient to have him sleep in the big bed.

As for talking to other people about it, I haven't had much experience with that, but I'd just say, "It's wonderful and works for us!" and maybe elaborate depending on the relationship. Really, it's nobody's business except the family members directly involved.

Another thing you could point out to people who don't understand is that co-sleeping is actually very common worldwide, and it's also much more logical and natural. You don't see baby animals in separate nests from their parents. And who wants to get up in the middle of the night to go to another room to take care of a child, when you could just roll over and snuggle the child and go right back to sleep.

Happy co-sleeping!


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## Carlyle (Mar 31, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
don't see how _anyone_ can sleep with a newborn and a toddler in their bed.

I don't see how anyone can sleep with a newborn. No matter where said newborn is in the house. But that may just have been MY daughter...who didn't really like to sleep!


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## Dandelionkid (Mar 6, 2007)

Quote:

Plus I cannot see how anyone can sleep with a toddler and a newborn in the bed, but that's just me.
I understand this is your opinion but I feel strangely compelled to answer







I keep the baby on the side away from toddler or else in the crook of my arm in bed.


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## royaloakmi (Mar 2, 2005)

We co-slept with our twins until they were about 3 yo b/c they were TERRIBLE sleepers. It was the only way I didn't have to get up and down all night.

When they started sleeping through the night at age 3 yo we transferred them to their own beds and it was no big deal.

I don't see why it's anyone's business where your kids sleep . . . if it came up, I just explained that it was the only way I could get any sleep at night with twins who didn't seem to need to sleep.


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## Full Heart (Apr 27, 2004)

I have co slept with all my kids. When they moved to their own bed was up to them. Some was very young. My oldest got a bed at 18 mos. My 3 yr old just got a bed yesterday.

I co slept with my mom, as did all my siblings. We all moved on in our own time. At 19 when I was still at home I would climb into bed with my mother. Who wants to sleep alone? There is nothing to snuggle but a pillow and blanket. Thats no fun. And it could be cold! lol

I suggest you change the subject or just don't discuss co sleeping with anyone. If you haven't yet, be prepared for the "you'll kill your baby" speech







. Yea I got that one when I was a first time mom. Just add it to the list of things we don't talk about, Income, Sex, Politics, Co sleeping (and vaxes, cio, etc).


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## SmoothieMom (Feb 12, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *carrie a.* 
he struggles with friends and coworkers telling him to "get that baby out of your bed".

Why do they even know you are co sleeping? My sister stayed over a couple of weeks ago and was shocked to see I was cosleeping with DD - she had no idea, I don't tell anyone our sleeping arrangements, it's none of their business.







:


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## Smithie (Dec 4, 2003)

OP, this really isn't about cosleeping - it's about your dh learning to ignore other people's comments about his parenting choices. He'll get there


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## SmoothieMom (Feb 12, 2009)

That's right, you do what is right for your family you don't need permission from others. Don't tell anyone anything and laugh off whatever comments you get now.

Like I said my sister was shocked, she had went from room to room and then finally said "hey, were is Ana's crib?" LOLOLOLOL


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Smithie* 
OP, this really isn't about cosleeping - *it's about your dh learning to ignore other people's comments about his parenting choices.* He'll get there










Quote:


Originally Posted by *SmoothieMom* 
That's right, you do what is right for your family you don't need permission from others. Don't tell anyone anything and laugh off whatever comments you get now.


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## mamarootoo (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Carlyle* 
I don't see how anyone can sleep with a newborn. No matter where said newborn is in the house. But that may just have been MY daughter...who didn't really like to sleep!



















yeah, good point! hehee...


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## harmonyhobbit (Sep 16, 2008)

My kids both transitioned around age 2 because they wanted to. It was painless both times.

We've never gotten any flack from anyone that I can remember. Maybe when my first was tiny, but once you get into it, it's just the way it is. And then, maybe it's moe acceptable here. When (if) it comes up, I think most ppl assume that I'm cosleeping, becaus ethey see me BFing and BWing.
I can't imagine that anyone at my husband's work knows where our kids sleep.


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## WC_hapamama (Sep 19, 2005)

Our 3 1/2 year old is still co-sleeping with us... we're working on transitioning him because he's becoming a "bed hog".


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## Turquesa (May 30, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *carrie a.* 

p.s. rant: Why do people care so much that we're cosleeping with our baby? And why do they think it's ok to comment about it?

I don't know what gives some people knowledge of boundaries while others remain absolutely clueless. I do know that DH and I learned loooooong ago that it is _nobody's_ business how or with whom you sleep at night. The biggest mistake DH made was telling his mother.

Now, we treat such prying as we would any other invasive question--changing the subject, answering evasively, "Oh, we just do what works for us," or whatever.


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## astrophe27 (Aug 27, 2007)

*So, if there's anyone out there with kids who coslept and now have their own bed: how old were they when they got their own bed? was it a smooth transition?*

She always slept in her own bed. I only used the crib for solo napping. If I was also going to nap we napped together.

I coslept with her in her twin bed in her room. So when the time came, she was already used to the bed, the room, the noises, etc. and all she had to get used to was being nursed down to sleep and waking up alone.

It was very smooth transition.

And I don't think anyone in the peanut gallery said boo about it because everyone would see the crib and the twin and would assume the twin was for me if she was fussy and for her to grow into later. (Not that it is any of their business how we make our domestic arrangements... but you know people!)

A.


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## In Exile (Jan 12, 2007)

I usually don't bother to mention these kind of routines. Is anybody actually talking about their kids sleeping in cribs? No, usually not. The only time somebody mentions kids in cribs is when the kids that were left to CIO start sneeking out of their cribs. The CIO baby is now big enough to get out of the crib and NOW the parents are freaking out.









Don't bother to tell people. I had to tell my husband to keep certain things to himself because he volunteers this kind of information way to freely and I am usually the one that has to "defend" myself the next time I see that person.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

The only problem I see with the "what works for us" thing is that families who use CIO (or spank, or whatever else) use that same phrase...and though it, to *us* here is justifying things that are harmful to a child, they probably think what we're doing is harmful in a different way too. "works" or "right" is really subjective, and can be bent to accommodate almost any behavior or belief - I like to use more objective information and ways of presenting things to people, so that that, "well, that wouldn't work for us" can't be used as a cop out, YK? And it's not that I *owe* anyone an explanation of why we're doing what we're doing, but sometimes I just like to have a dialogue about this stuff - even the really mainstream moms on my local mom board are pretty open to hearing what I have to say when I approach it the right way.


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## jt'smum (Apr 13, 2004)

DD is 7 and she has her own room and her own bed. However, she still sleeps with me or her grandmother. She starts out in her bed but then wakes to move to my bed or makes the journey to the 2nd floor and gets in bed with her grammie. I am pretty relaxed about it. When she told some kids at school they made fun of her. I told her to tell them why she liked. She told them it was because if she has a bad dream then a person she loves is right there to snuggle up too.


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## Harmony08 (Feb 4, 2009)

I guess I, like one PP, just don't get why the subject comes up in the workplace. They should mind their own business. He should just say, "My wife and I handle our sleeping arrangements, thanks" and not talk about it.


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## Qbear'smama (Jul 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamarootoo* 
and to the OP, you and your DH will probably learn that talking about things like cosleeping/extended BFing/GD/etc. just doesn't go over well with mainstream people. i just don't bring things up anymore, unless i'm around likeminded people. ETA: when people ask me directly, i tell the truth, and if someone gives me advice, i just tell them something like "yeah, i'm so glad we've found a situation that works for us!" smile, and change the subject

















:


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## mwimp (Apr 15, 2009)

we co-slept and he slept in his own crib in our bedroom since he was born. People do not give children enuff credit, when they need you that's when they will cosleep and when they don't they won't. if it is really bothersome to DH, just set the crib back up (i always had his at the foot of our bed) and put her to bed in her crib at bedtime and then put her in bed with you in the middle of the night if she needs it. Our son's toddler bed is at the foot of our bed now. sometimes he sleeps in it just fine, other nights not so much, and he just climbs right into bed with us. hope it helps








shell

ps. i have NO idea why they think its appropiate, but we got (and still get) the same thing. i just tell them exactly what me and DH agreed on, WE don't have a problem with it, (acutally we feel that it has helped keep us very close as a family unit, our experience) and we like it and when he decides to fully transfer to his own bed thats when he will "get out of our bed". most people get the hint.


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## scrappingmom (Sep 3, 2005)

As many have said, sometimes you ned to just not talk about it, even though its noones business and you know you are doing what is best for you and your family...."normal" folk dont usually get it, sometimes even if they did it themself!(that baffles me)

i'd agree with ranges given here 2-5 ish.. but thats no guarantee mine went like this
DS#1 - didnt officially co sleep but he'd end up in our bed till about 1 1/2 then my belly got in his way i think (DS2 was born whne he was 21mo)
DS#2 - he compliantly slet anywhere he was placed, IF he woke at night he'd come to our bed to nurse until he quit the day his sister was born(nursing, sleeping with us everything







) - 17 1/2mo
DD#1 - around 5 yrs
DD#2 - still comes to our bed sometimes.. but also started sleeping in siblings beds at 18mo+/-
DD#3 - about 6mo she cuddled with us then when getting sleepy she'd want her bed... she was going to be our last so that made me sad... but maybe THIS one will stay longer lol

i never had to "wean" any it just kinda happened on its own.


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