# Do you Play on the Playground?



## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

I try to get a little break by taking my kids to the playground...but its not a break cause I actually have to play. I watch too much TV I think because I thought it was like you get out of the car and the kids all run to the playground and start playing with eachother while the adults sit and chat or read.

Nope.

The adults all follow their kids around the playground and play with them. Its annoying because then there isnt anyone available to play with my kids!

I dont get it. Mabye no one else needs a break, LOL.

I play with them about 25% of the time but usualy I want a break!

Today we went and they just sat next to me the whole time. I was like "GO PLAY!!!!!"

I wonder how the park is a break? Cause it isnt for me and I am running out of ideas.

Since I am a SAHM, I am entertaining my kids all day and all night long and I need a break each day that I am not getting. I think if I worked, I would be more incliined to play at the park because I wouldnt see my kids all day long.


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## <~*MamaRose*~> (Mar 4, 2007)

I voted NO.

I don't play with my son but then again he's older....he wants to play with the kids there not me







!

Just curious, what are the ages of the children that the other parents are following around?


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## chaoticzenmom (May 21, 2005)

I put "no", but I should have put other. I will push my toddler on the swing sometimes, but I try to chit chat mostly. If I see an altercation coming with my older children, I might go do something near them, or stop talking so that I can watch the situation. I know what you mean. It's called "helicopter Mom" syndrome!LOL I was guilty of it myself with my first child. Now, I'm just picky about the parks that I go to. I try not to go to places with big kid swings next to the little kid area or other safety issues. I can relax when I don't have to worry about my toddler running into trouble.

Lisa


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## dancingmama (Dec 18, 2001)

i said no. but if there is nobody else there, i might play some.


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## icequeenash (May 28, 2007)

I do, because I like to.

It allows me to observe him, and interact with him.
I would get bored sitting on the benches.
It's a fun medium for my son and I, and I suppose since I'm a working mother I fall into your "don't see my kid all day long" catogory.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

My children are 21 months and 4. (Of course the 21 m old needs some direction)

The kids range in age but I am talking about the 3-5 group that could play on their own. I understand parents following babies around cause they can get hurt! (And they need direction!)


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *icequeenash* 
I fall into your "don't see my kid all day long" catogory.

I hope I didnt offend you.


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## Iris' Mom (Aug 3, 2007)

I put "other" b/c I will if he makes me. He's 6, and will play with other kids if they're there. Otherwise I plunk myself down and chat or read. Of course, ds2 is 5 mos., and all may change once he's mobile. I was very lucky w/ DD. I could set out limits (basically I had to be able to see her), and I told her not to go up anyplace she couldn't get down from. From the time she could walk, it worked. With ds1, not so much. He always wants to go places he's afraid to go on his own, so I do have to get up now and then.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

I checked "other," because I don't have a set course of action. I currently follow my toddler around for safety, and am available to both girls on an as-needed basis.

Even though we homeschool, I try to visit the park at times when kids are out from school ('cause it's more fun for my 7yo), or else we team up with another homeschooling family. I generally prefer to sit and veg, or sit and chat with other moms and let the kids play with each other.


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## Sharlla (Jul 14, 2005)

I sure do, I wear DS2 on my back and we swing together.


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## aprons_and_acorns (Sep 28, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *dancingmama* 
i said no. but if there is nobody else there, i might play some.


me too


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## KBecks (Jan 3, 2007)

I don't play, but I will follow my little on on the equipment or go down the slides with them. I'll push them on the swings and sit in the sand with them. I'm not super active playing, but I stay actively aware of what they are doing and what is going on. Yes, it's work to go to the playground! I can't have a good conversation. But it's still good to get out of the house, especially if the weather is nice.


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## kamilla626 (Mar 18, 2004)

Most of the time, because I like to. Partly, I'm just "spotting" dd while she's climbing, but I also love to climb, swing and slide.

If there are tons of kids around, I just watch so they're not like "Hey Old Lady - yeah you! Get off the slide!"


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## Caroline248 (Nov 22, 2003)

It depends. If we are there with playgroup, then mostly no. They play with the otehr kids and I talk to the other moms. If noone is there, maybe.

Of course, I have 5 kids, so they have each other to play with if I feel like reading or just being lazy on the park bench!


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## elmh23 (Jul 1, 2004)

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on my mood, lol. Dh always plays with dd when we're at the park because he doesn't get to play with her often. I'm usually taking care of my little guy, so I play with him, but he's only 7months old









We actually just got back from the park and since we were the only ones there I played with dd more than I normally would have, but she still played by herself a bit.


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## Canadianmommax3 (Mar 6, 2006)

i sometimes let her play by herself and i will bring a book, but i do play with her because there is never any kids at our park!
Then i tried going down the curvy slide and scraped my elbow and knee on the damn slide. So i stopped doing that.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caroline248* 
Of course, I have 5 kids, so they have each other to play with if I feel like reading or just being lazy on the park bench!

When do they start playing with eachother? I am working on #3.


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## puddingpop (Feb 1, 2004)

I voted "yes", but really, I'd say it's more like 75% of the time. Adam is two, and he wants me right in there with him. He also will say things like "Mummy, swing!" so that I will sit on the swing beside him -- he likes to encourage me to go fast! The park is a break in the day (I'm a WAHM) but I still expect that I'm fully involved in whatever form playing takes.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I play with him as much as he wants me to. As he's getting older, he's happy to play by himself a bit more, which I admit is nice -- I've actually gotten to sit on the bench for 10-15 minutes at a time and watch him play as long as there are plenty of other kids there. If we're the only ones at the park, he likes for me to play with him the whole time, which is fine too.


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## ejbamommy (Sep 12, 2007)

i have 4 children so I do'nt get to "play" as much as they'd like. I tend to follow around alot and assist when needed, but I don't really feel like i'm actually playing with them. If that makes sense.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

I voted "other" because I used to play more when my kids were younger but now I almost never play.

My oldest was into parallel play for the longest time so I had to play with him or he wouldn't have played. When he was older, he usually played with other kids.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Yes. One kid is young enough to still need me. The other wants me to play often.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

I voted yes. We don't go to the playground very often. We usually go as a family and are considering it quality bonding time not a break. There usually aren't other kids there when we go.

My dd is good about playing alone in our yard and in our home.


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## UnschoolnMa (Jun 14, 2004)

I voted about half the time. I went with whatever it seemed the kids were wanting/needing from me. I love the playground! Now that they are teens I still play lol.


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## aprilushka (Aug 28, 2005)

I voted yes but that's b/c DD is 17 months and I need to follow her around the towers to make sure she doesn't fall from the higher places. Once I feel pretty good about her taking care of herself in that respect, and not getting pushed too much around when other kids are on the playground sets, I plan to be doing some reading while the kids are on the playground.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
The kids range in age but I am talking about the 3-5 group that could play on their own. I understand parents following babies around cause they can get hurt! (And they need direction!)

Who says all 3-5 year olds can play on their own? My son is right in the middle of that group (turns 4 on Wednesday). I can NOT let him out of my sight for a second. Doing so can/will/does result in him a) running away from the playground (none of the playgrounds around here are completely fenced in), b) hurting another child or c) doing something to cause harm to himself. He does not know limits so will just walk off of the high play structure unless I am right there pointing out the edge to him. I bet if I tell you right now he has autism and THAT'S why you would constantly see me following him around on the playground you would probably back track and say *that* situation is okay because it's for his own safety. But if you met us on the playground you more than likely wouldn't be able to tell he has autism, unless you asked me. So you're d*mn right I'm a "helicopter Mom". If I wasn't my child would be seriously injured or dead by now.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Yeah my kid is 3.5. She likes me to play with her sometimes. Sometimes she plays with other kids. Sometimes she plays alone. But if she wants me to play with her, I will play with her. I don't go to the park for a break. I go to the park to have fun with the kids.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
The adults all follow their kids around the playground and play with them. Its annoying because then there isnt anyone available to play with my kids!

Maybe you should join or start a playgroup to get your break instead of getting annoyed at random parents for interacting with their children at the playground.


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## angelpie545 (Feb 23, 2005)

My kids are pretty independent and like their freedom so I just sit down and take a break when we are out at the park. Sometimes I'll join in on the fun, but most of the time I'm too exhausted to charge after them.


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## Izzy's Mom (Apr 15, 2002)

I'm going to say no, because I try to keep the amount of time I "play" to a minimum. Fortunately my boys usually play with each other and at most want me to push them on the swings or the youngest wants to be caught at the bottom of the slide.

I actually don't see a lot of parents doing more than this except with very young children - so thankfully the kids do sometimes play with other kids too.


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## leewd (Aug 14, 2005)

I put "about half the time" but since I WOH, I want to.

Now, when we go to the mall to the playplace, I almost NEVER play. 1) It's just too crowded. 2) The other parents are "hovering" and I just hate that, so I stay back.

DH plays with them at the playplace about half the time. On the playground, he is way too overprotective and he follows them around . . .


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

yeah, parents have to hover because of the parents who';d rather laze oin bench than teach their children any manners.

I was at this playground once, the main one in town, when Rachel was about 15 months old. So of course I was with her. A bunch of schoolkids, (must've been a field trip) came over. No adults in site. They just swarmed the playground, even the little slides. (I'd say they were about k-3) I started to help Rachel into a tunnel, and I actually had her part way in. I had a kids shove me, climb right on top of and over my baby, and shove in ahead of us. I was shocked. And I REALLY wish his mom had got off her butt and taught him some manners. It didn't end up being much fun for us, and it was very disappointing as I was there with a friend, and her little grandson, who lives far away, and Rachel hardly ever gets to play with.

So yeah, I watch Rachel now, for safety, and will continue to amke sure she learns her manners, and is porperly supervised.

I think it would be far better to say "helicopter moms" are just good parents and the others are too lazy.


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## northwoods1995 (Nov 17, 2003)

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I think it's fun sometimes and other times I just want to sit on the bench.


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## newmommy (Sep 15, 2003)

No, I do not play with DS at the playground. I can do that at home.

To me, that defeats the purpose: to play with Kids.


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## wannabe (Jul 4, 2005)

Never. I do have to hover, because she has no fear or sense of what she can't quite manage to do. But I try to hover inconspicuously so she doesn't realise I'm doing it.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *onlyzombiecat* 
Maybe you should join or start a playgroup to get your break instead of getting annoyed at random parents for interacting with their children at the playground.

Well, it seems like sometimes there's judgment on both sides: the parents who love running around and playing with their kids at the park, can sometimes be just as critical of those who go to get a break. And I vacillate from one side of the fence to the other -- so I'm not 100% in any one camp.

My two girls are almost 5 years apart, and my oldest is highly extraverted. Unschooling works well for us -- but, more and more, I'm having to put a lot of thought into ways to make sure she gets enough opportunities to play with other kids.

Yeah, I realize there are lots of kids who have little need for peer-relationships, and my dd certainly wouldn't want to be with her peers 7 hours a day, 5 days a week -- but she's a lot happier with at least 2-3 playdates a week (plus lots of opportunities to play with neighborhood kids).

I agree that it's wrong to get ticked off at "random parents for interacting with their children" -- but I can understand the frazzled feelings of a mom who's been desperate for a break, then gets to the park and all she hears is, "Mommy, why won't anyone play with me? Please, Mommy, put down your book and come play with me!"

Or when your child's been looking forward to a playdate with a favorite friend -- then you get there and the friend's other best friend or cousin is also there, and they're paired up and totally leaving your child out.

But I'm accepting that it's impossible to plan every aspect of life. And learning to go with the flow is an important skill for kids as well as adults.

One week I was constantly hearing about how much dd wanted to make some new friends, then we got to a playdate and she lost interest in playing with the other kids in about 5 minutes, and happily hung out with me and the other moms, playing with the babies and their toys, for the remainder of the visit.

I was totally cool with this -- yet the main reason I'd made the effort to get there was to give dd some "kid-time."







:


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## Jes (May 28, 2005)

Yes, only because I feel that my son isn't at the age he can play alone on the play sets yet. The ones in our area are too high and have too many edges they could fall off of. I find it much easier to play with him. Plus, I like to watch him and make sure he's playing fairly and safely. My DH and I are helicopter parents at the playground but we've seen enough to know we have to be.


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## The4OfUs (May 23, 2005)

Re: helicopter moms. I tried hanging back a few days ago and letting my almost 4-yo play in a group of kids, instead of being more present like I usually am...and it was fine (a little rougher than I normally like to see playing with kids shoving each other out of the way to run and slide, but I let him kind of find his own way and stand up for himself as I want him to learn that for when I'm not around) and things were OK until they decided to run to a nearby tree and start hitting it with sticks, pulling the leaves off, bending branches off and then poking each other with sticks. I really hate when kids are rough with trees and plants, not to mention hitting each other with sticks. I called DS away from them when they started that. My kiddo was understandably upset he wasn't allowed to play with them anymore; I told him that he needs to play gently with friends and be kind to trees and other things in nature. And we went to a different playground and he was fine again in a few minutes. While I was talking to my kiddo and the others were still wrecking the tree/playing with sticks, one of the kids got hurt. I was the only adult nearby in a group of about 8 kids all under 5 years old; the other parents were watching a soccer game on the other side of the park. I started to go to the kid to see if she was OK, but she and a friend ran off to find the parents, and then about 30 seconds later another parent came by and yelled at their kid for hitting each other with sticks. I dunno - should I have talked to other people's kids for whacking a tree and pulling its leaves off and running after each other with sticks? I always seem to get a 'leave my kids alone' or 'who do you think you are?' vibe from other parents and kids if I try to direct them in any way, so I didn't say anything to the other kids and just focused on redirecting DS, who was pretty upset at being pulled away from the others. Sigh.

The time before that I let DS play with kids with me hanging back, he ended up being chased by a kid and having mulch thrown at him, all because he decided he didn't want to play by those kids rules and the one kid told the other my son pushed him, when he didn't....I saw the whole thing transpire and all my kid did was refuse to jump over the other kids' legs and decided to go down a different slide by himself...the original kid chased after mine down the slide, and then told his friend that my kid pushed him, and "go get him!" then the second kid started chasing mine onto the play structure and chucking mulch at him. Nice. And the parents were sitting on the bench just chatting away, completely ignoring the situation. **For the record, I'm not one of those, "not my little angel" parents. My kid has done his fair share of acting out against others, and I intervene and aologize, and help him make amends. But he had zero fault in this interaction, the original kid just got mad at mine for not wanting to play his game anymore. /end disclaimer**

So yeah, I stick near my kid - to defend him, if nothing else







: . It seems like when I don't, things get out of control because no other parents are stepping in to stop rough/mean actions. I realize that not every parent on a bench is oblivious to their child, but it seems in this area most of them are.

Re: Actual 'playing' with him, I put 50% of the time...it depends on my mood, sometimes I'm in the mood to slide and swing, sometimes I'm not. And sometimes I'm chasing my 15-month-old around, if she's not on my back!


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## JessicaTX (Jul 9, 2006)

I voted I play half the time. If I meet a friend there I sit and chat, if not I play with my kids. Mine are 5-13 though, so we play hide and seek and such


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## azfiresmbm (Sep 23, 2007)

I play , my husband plays , we all play .. it's a fun bonding experience ,
I'm a kid at heart and I really don't care how silly I look . I'm having fun !!


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## Ceili (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
My children are 21 months and 4. (Of course the 21 m old needs some direction)

The kids range in age but I am talking about the 3-5 group that could play on their own. I understand parents following babies around cause they can get hurt! (And they need direction!)

My three year old still runs in front of swings without thinking about the fact that he could get hit by the kids on the swings. He still runs out of the playground towards the parking lot (none of our parks have full fences with gates). He still panics when bigger kids go shoving past him when he's working up the courage to go down the big slide. He still needs to be spotted going up the rope later or down the fireman's pole.

The sight lines in our local park are bad. It has very big, tall wooden structures with multiple up/down points. I can't sit in one space and watch him... and oh yeah, the train tracks are about 50 feet away... and the river is about 100 yards away. I can't just sit and read a book, I wish I could.


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## zinemama (Feb 2, 2002)

Not since the youngest got old enough not to need me to ensure his safety. And I didn't "play" with him then, just followed him around making sure he didn't get hurt. A process I found insanely tedious.

Now I am a lot happier at the playground. They are 4 and 7 and play/ride bikes on the blacktop on their own, while I sit on the bench with my book, glancing up now and then to check on them.

But hey, if other parents who don't need to do it for safety reasons are out there playing with their kids on the playground, more power to them. We're each doing what we want to do. Why would I judge them for that?


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

I voted other. I have a LO who I play with, push on the baby swings, etc. I have a 5 year old who mostly goes and plays. There are often 200-300 kids at the playground we go to, so always people to play with. I pass the baby around a bit or hang with other babies and their parents.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *zinemama* 
Not since the youngest got old enough not to need me to ensure his safety. And I didn't "play" with him then, just followed him around making sure he didn't get hurt. A process I found insanely tedious.

Now I am a lot happier at the playground. They are 4 and 7 and play/ride bikes on the blacktop on their own, while I sit on the bench with my book, glancing up now and then to check on them.

But hey, if other parents who don't need to do it for safety reasons are out there playing with their kids on the playground, more power to them. We're each doing what we want to do. Why would I judge them for that?

I am not really meaning to judge. I just want to chill out! And they are hogging the kids!









Its actually a great thing that people are so interested in playing with their kids. Mabye I need to take some examples.


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## Caroline248 (Nov 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
When do they start playing with eachother? I am working on #3.










About 3 years old for my kids....on a good day. Of course, that is also when they start to fight!!


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Caroline248* 
About 3 years old for my kids....on a good day. Of course, that is also when they start to fight!!

My kids fight like cats and dogs if I leave them alone together for 5 seconds. The little one is really agressive. I'd say its usually her fault.







sigh, I guess its going to be a while till mama gets a regular break. I dont even have mommys night out!


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## treqi (Dec 31, 2006)

I voted yes but dd is 13mo...... I always try to engage kids around me if they look bored.......


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## LittleYellow (Jul 22, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sharlla* 
I sure do, I wear DS2 on my back and we swing together.

OK, that sounds like so much fun!!! I've never thought to do it because I just implanted in my brain "child on back - can't sit down"

Swings have no back









Oh - and I voted sometimes. Sometimes I'm playing and sometimes I'm just keeping an eagle eye out to make sure I know where both dd's are at all times. Oh how I love when I have another adult there.


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## notneb (Aug 31, 2006)

I play with DS because he is 10 months old but doesn't think that means that he can't do everything older kids do. It takes him about 30 seconds to get to the top of the play structure. Last time he decided he should try going down the ladder, and it was a good thing that I was hovering or he would have fallen the 8 feet to the ground. I'm usually not the hovering type, but if he's going to climb higher than my head or if the situation otherwise strikes me as dangerous, I stay near him.

With DSS, he jumps out of the car and has made a dozen new friends by the time I manage to wrangle DS out of his carseat. Before DS was mobile, I was able to sit on a bench and watch DSS play.


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## Mizelenius (Mar 22, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
Today we went and they just sat next to me the whole time. I was like "GO PLAY!!!!!"


Yeah, I know. I was not like that with my parents. It seems my DC (esp. my oldest) are very dependent on me for play. I was cautious about this even when she was young-- didn't want her to think I was a 24/7 entertainment committee-- but it's her personality. Only now at age 5.5, can she play by herself. When she plays with me, she's not nearly as bossy. When she was 4 and I didn't want to play, SHE wouldn't play-- she'd read. She wanted very specific playing (roleplaying) too. Even when we were in the middle of playing, she'd say, "Play with me!" I was ready to pull my hair out.

My middle child is more like how I was . . .she can play by herself and be content if I am just in the room. Her play is more varied, less demanding of me (older DD would try to force me to be someone else all.day.long.).

I consider my oldest to have been high needs in the play dept. It wasn't that she wasn't around kids, either . . .she was like that at playgroups (only wanted me, did not want me to talk to anyone), and even when I took care of her cousins (same age) 3 Xs a week. Now she's very sociable.


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

I voted 1/2 the time.
If DD has a little friend she finds or came with us she will play with them. DS needs me as he is just 2. I usually hang in the sandbox b/c then I can play and still be social with the other sandbox sitters (AKA moms)

However I am terrified of the windy slide so I wont go on it DD makes fun of me


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## Rainbow Brite (Nov 2, 2004)

I play. I run all around, chasing, going down the slides, jumping around ect. I do find it pretty fun. I like it when I know another adult, b/c then we can play together with the kid(s) and still talk a tiny bit.


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## bjorker (Jul 25, 2005)

I try to stay back most of the time, because she _always_ plays with me. I'd rather her use that as time to be social on her own. She doesn't get much of that, so that's the best time to do it. Now, if there aren't any or many kids there, or if they're all doing their own thing (though she'll usually tag along whenever possible, anyway







), then I'll play with her. Or if she wanted me to play with her, I would, but she's usually plenty happy playing with the other kids.

Most people here don't seem to play with their kids at all. In fact, most hardly even watch their kids, which really irks me. Not that they need to be all eagle-eye about it, but we've run into MANY problems with other kids being mean, throwing things, even trying to grab my dd and force her to do things. I've had kids talk back to ME for asking them not to throw stuff at my dd, who was much smaller than them and did nothing to "provoke" it. Every time this happens, their parent/s or caregiver were nowhere nearby and had no idea any of this was going on. This happens quite a bit. So I often go home from the park a bit frustrated.


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## Getz (May 22, 2005)

Yes, because my oldest is only 20 mos. And, though he will usually find a kid to follow around, he insists on playing on the big kid equipment which means me and the baby are right behind him.

I cannot wait for my kids to be old enough to play together.


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## marybethorama (Jun 9, 2005)

The kids went to the playground yesterday with some friends. I didn't have to play at all. It was nice


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

I "spot" my DD, but, then again, she's only 15 mos, likes to go down the big slide, and sometimes goes too far out on the slide before sitting. She likes the climbing walls, too. And has little sense of danger







:. Once she's a little steadier and a better judge of her limitations, I'll let her go on her own...

When I nannied, I usually invited the girl's friend along, or went when I knew there'd be lots of other children around.


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## pigpokey (Feb 23, 2006)

I said "No," but of course I will offer assistance as needed, for example spotting below the big kid monkey bars. I don't say "no" to them all the time if they say "go down the slide with me." I will go down one time and then try to drift off and see if they will keep playing, which they usually will. I get to organize my thoughts in between "Mommy can you" or bandaid/hug requests. I sometimes try to get some excercise myself -- e.g. monkey bars.

Maybe it is the age of your kids. If it's a bit young for them to "make friends" temporarily on the playground (or the other kids are too young) maybe bring scooters or bikes to the playground?


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## 1xmom (Dec 30, 2003)

My dd is 7 and I used to play w/her all the time when she was younger, now she likes to play w/the kids there so I just take a book or sit back and watch and she how she interacts with the other kids.


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## phathui5 (Jan 8, 2002)

All I do there is push them on the swings. When I go to the park with them, I'm hoping to get to talk to some other parents.


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

I voted other.

Ds is almost 6 and I am his sahm. If their is nobody at the park I play with him. Generally if there are other kids are around Ds wants to play with the kids not me.
We meet at a local park with a group of friends every week. The Mom's chat and the kids run off and play. it is my chance to get a break and chat with some grown-ups.







Of course if the kids need to be pushed on the tire swing or need help with the monkey bars I'll help.


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## meganeilis (Mar 12, 2006)

DS is not quite 2.5 so he still needs a little reassurance and a lot of supervision. Even when I'm not right next to him, I can't sit down with a book and let him do his own thing, he needs to be watched for his own safety.


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## lemurmommies (Jan 15, 2007)

I do, but then, my son is very young and can't really play by himself at all. So when we go to the park, I hold him while he goes down the slide, and I push him on the swings, and sit with him on the teeter-totters. Then he just plays in the dirt.


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## HoneymoonBaby (Mar 31, 2004)

I don't play, but I watch him the whole time and intervene when necessary. I'm too huge and tired to play.


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## MommytoTwo (Jun 20, 2004)

No. The park is for kids. The park is there so they can have fun and get exercise, not so I can entertain them. I watch them and supervise them pretty much every minute but I am not on top of them. I also dont consider pushing them on swings to be playing with them..


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## angelcat (Feb 23, 2006)

Well, I got sidetracked in my post ranting about parents who dont' teach their kids manners, so I didn't even say how I voted. I voted I play on the equipment. And I didn't just mean with my child. I am pretty much right with her, altho luckily, I don't usually have to go down slides. (she asks. I sometimes oblige). But I'll climb on stuff, go on the swing next to her etc.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

My dh is in the folllow them around constantly category.


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## HollyBearsMom (May 13, 2002)

I voted no but if we are the only ones there I will play with my son. However this is rarely the case. I also find for the most part kids will figure things out on their own with little parental involvement. Now ruse/unsafe/inappropriate behavior is another story.

Nothing drives me or my son crazier is when he can't get onto the play structure because parents are in the way.







:

Our (old) local play ground is huge, well shaded and fenced in. There is a nice big picnic spot with tables and benches. There are visibility benches all over the place so you can sit and observe/watch your kids. The whole thing is set up into 2 categories-little kids and big kids.

The big kids play structures themselves have warning signs that say 5+ on them and no one young than 4 or under should play on them for safety reasons. My son LOVES it but without fail there are helicopter parents of a 2-3 year olds in the way so the kids can't use it. Then the parents get mad when reminded that it is not safe for little ones.

I hear all the time:

"But I need to teach him how to do the big kid stuff" Not at 2 yo and midmorning on a Saturday when the place is packed! If you really want to then come back when it's not crowded
"Oh but my child just LOVES the big kids!" That's great but still not fair to the older kids who want to play and it's not safe for them.
"I am too big for little kids area and he/she just won't play alone" Hey I understand but the slides really are for the kids not adult.

I find these parents (my POV regarding this playground) worse then the kids. My son goes to play with kids not me. I take advantage of the time to relax/read/chat and pretty much stay out if it. But when parents start telling at my son to not use a certain section while they spend 15 minutes coaxing a reluctant toddler down a too big slide or yell at him for getting in the way of their play it burns me.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

We just got back form the park and we had so much fun playing together.

There weren't any other kids there. When there are kids there, my daughter sometimes wants to play with them, sometimes with me. It's all good.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I will push the swing for a while but we go to the park so they will have something to do while I have a break. i sit my but on the bench and either read a book or talk to my momma friends.

I also let my kids play on the big kid stuff. man those baby ones are sooooooooo boring. I usually followed them around underneath until they were old enough to know not to jump (2 1/2-3) but didn't interfere much with their play.


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

Most of the time I am playing with them, or playing by myself lol. I love to swing. I have 12 and 9 yo who would rather play with the other kids (if there are any) but we will race on the swings to see who can go higher. My 6 yo and 3 yo love to swing on my lap so we take turns with that. (pic of me and my son in my siggie







) I have fun. Sometimes I will bring a book or magazine but don't get to look at it much, most of my time is either swinging or pushing a swing. I enjoy it.


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## Cloverlove (Jan 2, 2003)

I play when there aren't any parents around. Mostly I swing, play tag or do strength training on the monkey bars.








I have a hard time sitting still!


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## ctdoula (Dec 26, 2002)

Nope..... talk to other moms, read a book, supervise, push swings, etc. It'smy break time, LOL.


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## SiValleySteph (Feb 26, 2003)

I play with my son a fair amount when we are at the playground. He just turned 3, so he's on the young side.

I find that the children whose parents aren't playing with them (mom sitting on bench reading a book, dad on cell phone) often want me to play with them as well.







: I'll try and get a game or something going with DS and the other kids as well. DS is still young enough that he likes me to be close by, at least until he feels comfortable with a new child.

About the play equipment for older kids and younger kids on it, I know it's annoying to the older kids, but it is hard to keep the younger kids off it. I was at a new playground opening and they put this great play structure for 5-12 year olds about 15 feet from the little kids area. I hated that playground. We couldn't keep the 3 year olds out of the big kids area! It was way more exciting than the little kid section!

I was also annoyed because the parents of the other 3 year old just expected their 10 year old to watch her and gave no supervision. The 10 year old went clear to the other side of the park (75 yds, probably at lesat) to see the trees and they just told the 3 year old to go after her. I wouldn't go to the park with this family again. It didn't meet my comfort level. Now, playing at our house or theirs is fine because then the kids can run free in the yard.

I'm sure as DS gets older, he won't want mom playing with him as much. I just follow his lead.


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## mamameg (Feb 10, 2004)

I voted no because I don't consider helping my 18 mo old play on the structure "playing". I'm sort of helping him play. My 3 yr old is totally happy to play with other kids and my 18 mo is too, except when he needs help for safety reasons. Even when I help him, he seems to prefer playing with the other kids, so I back off and wait until he needs assistance.

I prefer chatting with other parents anyway.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

No matter what you do at the playground, someone is going to think you are:

- too uninvolved, lazy, and inattentive
- hovering, overprotective, and in the way.


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## the_lissa (Oct 30, 2004)

Seriously though, it really bothers me. I don't care if people don't play with their kids at the park, but I am tired of the things people say or think because I do.


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## artgoddess (Jun 29, 2004)

The park is only a beak if you get daddy or grandpa to take the kids to the park while you stay home and put your feet up.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
I try to get a little break by taking my kids to the playground...but its not a break cause I actually have to play. I watch too much TV I think because I thought it was like you get out of the car and the kids all run to the playground and start playing with eachother while the adults sit and chat or read.

I know what you mean. How much I have to play with my child at the playground affects how often I am willing to go there, just because some of it can be so darned monotonous. I used to try and go to playgroups, but I would be the lone mom standing in the hot sun, pushing my daughter and sometimes other people's kids as well. Sometimes I would try and bring a book to read while I was pushing. I do play on the equipment sometimes, go down the slides, interact with them in their games. But it did get to a point with me where I was going to give up playgroup in favor of just going to parks more convenient to me because my daughter was always on top of me, wanting me to be with her just standing near her, and I figured we could do other things that were more enjoyable for both of us. Right after that, however, she made the transition to playing with other children and really seemed to have a fun time. I was happy for that.


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## 4evermom (Feb 3, 2005)

I play when there isn't anyone else who will play or when an involved adult helps the play go more smoothly. I used to play all the time but now that ds is older and the other kids he is playing with are older, they are better able to play together well.

ETA, my playing usually means tag with me being it or our sitting under the play structure pretending we are in a spaceship.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

My daughters are only 2 yrs and 1 yr.
They need me to push them on the swing and I watch very closely as my two year old climbs up the large playground structure to go down the tall, spiral slide.
She is so brave and wants to do it all by herself.

I have to follow my 1 year old to make sure she doesn't eat the barkdust.
Last time she climbed halfway up the play structure with me right on her tail. I can't believe how strong and brave these two are!

If they were older, they'd play alone while I sat on the bench, if there were other kids there for them to play with.


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## ~PurityLake~ (Jul 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
When do they start playing with eachother? I am working on #3.









My daughters have been playing with each other since the youngest was 6 months old. They are only 15 months apart in age. They wrestle together, tickle each other, play peekaboo under blankets, dress and undress each other, baby their dolls together, explore empty boxes together, hide in their 'fort' (a sheet draped over furniture) and chase each other up and down the hall or around the dining table.

I love watching them play together, and I have to watch them just in case the older and bigger one gets a bit too rough, or the younger one is being obnoxious.


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## ryleigh'smama (Aug 10, 2005)

I play with them about 1/2 the time. Well, ds is 8 months so he's always with me or in the swing. Dd, it just depends on her mood and how many kids are there. Sometimes she wants me close by, most of the time not so much. Dh has more of a tendency to follow her around, making sure she doesn't fall of the slide and such...I try to get him to relax, and he is getting better now that she is getting older.


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## thebee321 (Dec 13, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SiValleySteph* 
I find that the children whose parents aren't playing with them (mom sitting on bench reading a book, dad on cell phone) often want me to play with them as well.







:


This happens to me, too, and I do get annoyed sometimes. I guess some here would say it's my fault for being on the playground with my kid (who is kind of shy and not great at playing with new friends sometimes) - but the type of kids who latch onto us and want to play with us seem SO desperate for someone to pay attention to them, and it seems sad to me. Usually I see their parent or caregiver sitting really far away from the playground.


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## DesertFlower (Oct 20, 2004)

I only play if there are no kids for DS to play with. Otherwise, I just keep an eye on him to make sure he's not hurting himself, or that older kids are acting cool.


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## alicia622 (May 8, 2005)

I follow Gage around and play with him as he desires. He is two so not old enough to let him play alone. I love playing at the park. I waited too long to have a child to not enjoy every minute of his childhood


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SiValleySteph* 
I play with my son a fair amount when we are at the playground. He just turned 3, so he's on the young side.

I find that the children whose parents aren't playing with them (mom sitting on bench reading a book, dad on cell phone) often want me to play with them as well.







: I'll try and get a game or something going with DS and the other kids as well. DS is still young enough that he likes me to be close by, at least until he feels comfortable with a new child.

About the play equipment for older kids and younger kids on it, I know it's annoying to the older kids, but it is hard to keep the younger kids off it. I was at a new playground opening and they put this great play structure for 5-12 year olds about 15 feet from the little kids area. I hated that playground. We couldn't keep the 3 year olds out of the big kids area! It was way more exciting than the little kid section!

I was also annoyed because the parents of the other 3 year old just expected their 10 year old to watch her and gave no supervision. The 10 year old went clear to the other side of the park (75 yds, probably at lesat) to see the trees and they just told the 3 year old to go after her. I wouldn't go to the park with this family again. It didn't meet my comfort level. Now, playing at our house or theirs is fine because then the kids can run free in the yard.

I'm sure as DS gets older, he won't want mom playing with him as much. I just follow his lead.

I started "babysitting" at this age, I dont see anything wrong with a 10 yr old watching. But the parents still need to have one eye on both!


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

I wish I hadn't turned this thread into a competition. Mommy competition is too ridiculous anyways and I HATE it. I hate when parents compare their kids or their parenting styles and talk about how theirs is better! This is why I dont get together with Mommy's very often! Because I really dont want to hear about how their kids learned to read at 6 months, or how another one feels bad about their kid not reading at 6 months.







:

I am sorry to start a little battle! We should not be fighting about who is better! We are all in the same place.

I desperately need a break, and there is NO place where I can, I thought the playground would work. It doesn't. Its 100 times better than the store, the library, and anyplace else I can think of.

My dh works 12 hours a day so he isnt much help, LOL.

But after 10 minutes of running around (and it is still HOT here in FL) I am like "Ok guys, time to go home!"







I feel bad for my kids. I am not able to provide for their needs at the moment. I guess this is "life" though and sometimes mommys get pregnant! Mabye its a lesson to teach them.

I also think its so so so important in MY family (not speaking for anyone elses) that my kids are shown love but at the same time, I dont want to teach my daughter that her needs are not important. If I dont pay attention to my need for a break, neither will she when she gets to be a mommy! (I know this because I had a mom who made life "all about the kids" and was a total parenting burnout....Its where I am heading if I dont figure out how to coordinate times when I am not a playmate, a maid, a cook, and a wife.) I want to take care of my needs in full view of my kids sometimes so that they can SEE it. (I know I can arrange a babysitter but that doesnt teach them anything about respecting other peoples needs!)

I am not mad at the helicopter parents. I just need a friggin break. LOL

The park is better than the TV!


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *HollyBearsMom* 
Nothing drives me or my son crazier is when he can't get onto the play structure because parents are in the way.







:


We feel the same way! Get off the equipment and out of the way. It's for the kids. I've actually had to ask adults to move over so that my son could play because they were so busy hovering over the own kid that no other kids could play. It's ridiculous. I think if you're that worried, then you should either not bring your child or come during down times so that you're not causing a backup for all of the other children.

I've noticed at our parks a tendency for the parents of only children to try to interrupt the flow of play, which I find disturbing. There was one child, for example, who wanted to dictate which other children she thought should use the slide. She actually would push children out of the way, and her mother was saying to the other kids, "Nancy doesn't want you on the slide now."







:

I only play with DS when he asks, but he's highly extroverted so rarely does. He's more likely to say, "go now, Mommy" and shoo me away. For that, though, I had to go over. I just said to my son, "you're welcome to use the slide whenever you want."

The other mom was horrified and took Nancy to another toy where she did the same thing until some kid clocked her and yelled "no!"

I actually find it fascinating to watch the dynamics on playgrounds. I find so many parents who give empty praise and just stand over their kids for no reason. Then we have people who will leave their toddlers on the playground and go off to do other things. It's odd.

Rough play between kids (i.e. pushing to get in line) doesn't really bother me when it seems inadvertent and that the kids are doing it just as part of being excited about playing. I figure those are things that they'll encounter eventually, so it's okay as long as the kids are all around the same age. When significantly older kids push little ones, I get particularly annoyed.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
She actually would push children out of the way, and her mother was saying to the other kids, "Nancy doesn't want you on the slide now."







:

OMG!


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *GuildJenn* 
No matter what you do at the playground, someone is going to think you are:

- too uninvolved, lazy, and inattentive
- hovering, overprotective, and in the way.









Ain't that the sad, sad truth?

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
I wish I hadn't turned this thread into a competition. Mommy competition is too ridiculous anyways and I HATE it. I hate when parents compare their kids or their parenting styles and talk about how theirs is better! This is why I dont get together with Mommy's very often! Because I really dont want to hear about how their kids learned to read at 6 months, or how another one feels bad about their kid not reading at 6 months.







:

I am sorry to start a little battle! We should not be fighting about who is better! We are all in the same place.

I desperately need a break, and there is NO place where I can, I thought the playground would work. It doesn't. Its 100 times better than the store, the library, and anyplace else I can think of.

My dh works 12 hours a day so he isnt much help, LOL.

But after 10 minutes of running around (and it is still HOT here in FL) I am like "Ok guys, time to go home!"







I feel bad for my kids. I am not able to provide for their needs at the moment. I guess this is "life" though and sometimes mommys get pregnant! Mabye its a lesson to teach them.

I also think its so so so important in MY family (not speaking for anyone elses) that my kids are shown love but at the same time, I dont want to teach my daughter that her needs are not important. If I dont pay attention to my need for a break, neither will she when she gets to be a mommy! (I know this because I had a mom who made life "all about the kids" and was a total parenting burnout....Its where I am heading if I dont figure out how to coordinate times when I am not a playmate, a maid, a cook, and a wife.) I want to take care of my needs in full view of my kids sometimes so that they can SEE it. (I know I can arrange a babysitter but that doesnt teach them anything about respecting other peoples needs!)

I am not mad at the helicopter parents. I just need a friggin break. LOL

The park is better than the TV!

I'm sorry you're struggling. FWIW, I think this is a more-or-less ridiculous argument (not your OP, just the argument that followed, which I've seen here some 2 dozen times in the past few years); there's a false dichotomy here. There are not two kinds of parents, those who hover and never leave their children's side for an instant, and those who sit on the sidelines, basically neglecting their children's needs, education in manners, etc.

But I've given up on pleading for everyone to give each other the benefit of the doubt. It's like judging the way other people parent (down to the minutiae of where any given parent is during a visit to the park) is a hobby for some.

It's OK to sit on the sidelines. I do; I read or chat or just soak up the sun, and I pay attention to where my kids are and what they're doing and I know if they need help or direction. My suggestion would be to do what feels right to you and eventually, another parent or two at the playground might decide that it's OK for them, too, to step back a bit and see if the kids will play together.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

I don't play at the playground. I take my daughter to the playground so she can play with other kids. I don't care one way or the other if other parents are playing there, although I have seldom seen that.


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 







There are not two kinds of parents, those who hover and never leave their children's side for an instant, and those who sit on the sidelines, basically neglecting their children's needs, education in manners, etc.

.

Yes, I agree.

There are not 2 kinds on parents.









We are all doing what we think is right for our kids.

I personally have some fear that I am going to totally screw up my kids. I have extreme mommy guilt all the time! I need to shake it off!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
We feel the same way! Get off the equipment and out of the way. It's for the kids. I've actually had to ask adults to move over so that my son could play because they were so busy hovering over the own kid that no other kids could play. It's ridiculous. I think if you're that worried, then you should either not bring your child or come during down times so that you're not causing a backup for all of the other children.

I don't see how parents are in the way any more than other kids. When I've felt the need to hover over my toddler on the equipment, I've always been considerate of other children passing through. I find it hard to believe that there are all these inconsiderate parents, just blocking the other kids from playing, and totally unaware that anyone else is trying to use the slide, etcetera.

And as far as coming at non-busy times with toddlers -- that worked well when I just had one child, but now I have my 7yo to consider in addition to my toddler, and she prefers the busy times. It's kind of like the blanket statement that "no child should be exposed to TV before age 2": some ideals are just harder to achieve as families grow, so we do what we need to do to deal.

Quote:

I've noticed at our parks a tendency for the parents of only children to try to interrupt the flow of play, which I find disturbing. There was one child, for example, who wanted to dictate which other children she thought should use the slide. She actually would push children out of the way, and her mother was saying to the other kids, "Nancy doesn't want you on the slide now."







:
Okay, that is extremely rude and unempathetic toward the other kids -- but I have a hard time believing that very many moms of onlies are like this. My oldest was an only 'til she was almost 5, and I certainly never assisted her in any attempts to rule the playground. I'm inclined to see a mom like this as a real aberration from the norm.







: In my 7 years as a mom, I've never met anyone like this. I'm sorry you did!

Quote:

I actually find it fascinating to watch the dynamics on playgrounds. I find so many parents who give empty praise and just stand over their kids for no reason.
I guess I find it "fascinating" when someone else presumes to judge another parent's praise as "empty," or presumes to judge another parent as having "no reason" for staying close to her children at the park. I'm reminded of the pp whose child has autism which may not be obvious to others, so these others might accuse her of hovering "for no reason." Should she feel a need to explain and justify her behavior every time she goes to the park?

I'm not ashamed to be a helicopter mom when I have a child at a developmental level where she needs this -- and I'm also not ashamed to say it was a wonderful day when my oldest matured to the point where I could spend some time sitting on the bench, chatting with other moms or reading.

I look forward to the day when my youngest (now 2 1/2) no longer needs as intensive supervision, and I can go to the park "for breaks" again. So, I find blanket judgments that "helicopter moms are good moms and other moms are lazy" just as objectionable as blanket statements that parents need to keep off the equipment.

What's wrong with each parent feeling good about following her own instincts, and allowing other parents the same space?


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 

What's wrong with each parent feeling good about following her own instincts, and allowing other parents the same space?

I agree-even though I generally want to hang out and let my kids play with other kids and not follow them around the playground, I think thats the most important point here.

Follow your Instincts!

My instinct is to sit.


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## ktbug (Jul 8, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aprilushka* 
I voted yes but that's b/c DD is 17 months and I need to follow her around the towers to make sure she doesn't fall from the higher places. Once I feel pretty good about her taking care of herself in that respect, and not getting pushed too much around when other kids are on the playground sets, I plan to be doing some reading while the kids are on the playground.









:

The parks are crowded around here!
And ds is almost but not quite 14 months. He's ridiculously mobile, and plays the way he sees the 2-3-4yo's at the park playing. He wants to climb everything, slide down every slide, see-saw, dig in the dirt, everything! But he's teeny-tiny. So I follow him everywhere. I don't know if it comes off as obnoxious to the other moms and sitters at the park; I guess I don't care, because ds has tremendous fun playing with me, and I with him.

When he gets older and bigger, and wants to play by himself, I'll happily read a book or do homework. Would that the park had wi-fi.


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## StephandOwen (Jun 22, 2004)

My head is spinning just reading this thread. However, this post in particular is just







:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *BrandiRhoades* 
We feel the same way! Get off the equipment and out of the way. It's for the kids. I've actually had to ask adults to move over so that my son could play because they were so busy hovering over the own kid that no other kids could play. It's ridiculous. I think if you're that worried, then you should either not bring your child or come during down times so that you're not causing a backup for all of the other children.

You don't seem to get it that some kids NEED their parents there, physically on the equipment with them, or else they can/will get hurt. I do play on the equipment with my son, but I've always been respectful of the other kids around and make sure I'm not in their way. I'm sorry you haven't run into more parents like that.

And I'm also shocked at your suggestion to keep the kids home or bring them at non-busy times. I find it appalling that anyone would suggest another parent not bring their kids to the park. It's a public space. Get over it. Why don't *you* bring your child at a non-busy time if you find he's not getting enough slide time or whatever? In today's world I praise any parent who brings their kids to the park to run around.

And for all those special needs kids who you basically just said shouldn't be at the park when you are.... shame on you. My son deserves to play at the park too, even if it's busy. You just more or less said that because he's special needs and needs a bit of extra help/attention from me that he should be ostracized and not allowed at the park when all the "normal" kids are. Again, shame on you.







:









My son has a hard enough time at the park, he doesn't need you dictating when he can go. I bet you don't notice when your "normal" child says rude things to my ds because he's slower than them, or because he doesn't respond to them verbally all the time. I cannot count the number of times, just in this past week, when my ds has attempted to play with another child at the park and that child was so flipping rude to him. Thank G*d my innocent little boy doesn't know/understand what "stupid head", "slow boy", and "retard" mean. And despite all these insults your "normal" kids are throwing at my son, he STILL wants to play with them.









Maybe instead of getting angry and throwing demands around you can teach your children a little bit of compassion. So when it's taking my son more than 30 seconds to go down the slide he's not constantly being pushed from behind by "your" kids.

Your comments on only children are also disturbing, but we won't go there.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

For the posters who'd like to kick all the grownups off the equipment -- would you feel the same way about a really large child?

I just don't get it! I guess I've never encountered the inconsiderate, "hogging" type of adult who crowds everyone else's kids off of the equipment. I don't think adult presence interferes with children's fun in the least.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *StephandOwen* 
And I'm also shocked at your suggestion to keep the kids home or bring them at non-busy times. I find it appalling that anyone would suggest another parent not bring their kids to the park. It's a public space. Get over it. *Why don't *you* bring your child at a non-busy time if you find he's not getting enough slide time or whatever?* In today's world I praise any parent who brings their kids to the park to run around.

And for all those special needs kids who you basically just said shouldn't be at the park when you are.... shame on you. My son deserves to play at the park too, even if it's busy. You just more or less said that because he's special needs and needs a bit of extra help/attention from me that he should be ostracized and not allowed at the park when all the "normal" kids are. Again, shame on you.







:









(Bolding Mine.) Well said, Mama.







to you for boldly meeting your son's needs in an uncompassionate world. Hang in there! The world needs more loving families like yours.


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

BrandiRhoades said:


> I've noticed at our parks a tendency for the parents of only children to try to interrupt the flow of play, which I find disturbing. There was one child, for example, who wanted to dictate which other children she thought should use the slide. She actually would push children out of the way, and her mother was saying to the other kids, "Nancy doesn't want you on the slide now."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## transformed (Jan 26, 2007)

Why do mommys like to fight so much?


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## SiValleySteph (Feb 26, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
I started "babysitting" at this age, I dont see anything wrong with a 10 yr old watching. But the parents still need to have one eye on both!

Oh, I agree. Nothing wrong with a 10 yr old watching, IF they are watching. The level of supervision just didn't meet my comfort level, so it made me uneasy being at the park with this family. I don't think it's wrong or anything, it just made me feel like I had to watch their 3 year old as well as my own, so I would prefer to hang out at one of our yards so it would be more relaxed for me. (Park not fenced, on busy street, at least 100 people there - park opening celebration, play equipment for older kids, all things these mean to me that a 3 year old needs to be supervised.)


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## geek_the_girl (Apr 12, 2006)

My dd is 5. I usually park my butt on a bench and watch her. If she needs me im right there. If she wants me to play I will. Do I care what other parents think? No.


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## SiValleySteph (Feb 26, 2003)

I ran into this mom at the park that I thought was so neat. Her son was pretty little (maybe 2?) and he was trying to cross this lily pad type thing where they are hanging... hard to describe.







: She described to him what he would need to do to get across while she was right there, but let him do it himself and he really got the hang of it! The other kids figured it out, too, by listening to her. Also, when the kids were really nice and let a small kid by or whatever, she would compliment them on their behavior. I think that really helps with polite behavior. They all felt really great about treating each other nicely.

Maybe it was helicopter-y, but I thought it was really cool. All these kids figuring out how to get across! Meanwhile, I was reading a book while my son played in the sand & water.







But if he wants me to play, I do!


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## Steady101 (Jun 24, 2004)

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.


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## celestialdreamer (Nov 18, 2004)

I voted other. I don't typically play at the park and I probably appear as one of those "helicopter moms" to some.

My little one is 17 months and still needs to be watched for safety reasons. I stand near the toy and encourage him to follow his sister. My 3 1/2 yo dd is appears like a normal kid, but she is on the autism spectrum. She has some severe sensory issues and sometimes has a hard time listening in busy places (trying to jump off the top of the big toy even though I told her not to, trying to climb things that she is way too little for, etc.) Typically I give dd the job of helping her little brother along, taking him down the slide and I stand nearby in case she decides to do a kamikaze stunt







She really likes that and it keeps her focused and safe. We usually try to go to the park early in the day and usually go more during school time, as there are less people. I really don't care what other parents think of me, they really don't know our situation.


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *transformed* 
Why do mommys like to fight so much?

Am I the only one who sees this comment as belittling? (And is my reacting in this way an indication that I "like to fight so much?" and am taking part in the "mommy wars?")

Why is it that other groups of people can discuss and debate various issues, without anyone feeling a need to say they're "fighting?" Debate is a respected course in many highschools and colleges, and when someone's child is on the debate team, I've never heard it described as being on the "Teeny-wars Team," or as "My child 'likes to fight' so much she's doing great in debate."

Of course, I realize formal debaters follow a strict protocol, and things aren't as controlled or formal on a discussion board like this one. But to belittle women for disagreeing with other women, as if our sex and childbearing status precludes our right to express our opinions and openly disagree with others, seems anti-woman and anti-mother.

I'm not saying that's what transformed is intending to do. It's just that in my world, I don't see mothers as "liking to fight" any more than any other sort of person. And when people refer to women's disagreements as "mommy wars" (no, I'm not saying transformed has done this, but her comment seemed to be along those lines), it seems like an attempt to make women look stupid and petty.

I honestly think saying someone has "road rage" sounds like a compliment, compared to saying she's in the "mommy wars" or "she's a mommy who likes to fight with other mommies."


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## UptownZoo (May 11, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mammal_mama* 
Am I the only one who sees this comment as belittling? (And is my reacting in this way an indication that I "like to fight so much?" and am taking part in the "mommy wars?")

Why is it that other groups of people can discuss and debate various issues, without anyone feeling a need to say they're "fighting?" Debate is a respected course in many highschools and colleges, and when someone's child is on the debate team, I've never heard it described as being on the "Teeny-wars Team," or as "My child 'likes to fight' so much she's doing great in debate."

Of course, I realize formal debaters follow a strict protocol, and things aren't as controlled or formal on a discussion board like this one. But to belittle women for disagreeing with other women, as if our sex and childbearing status precludes our right to express our opinions and openly disagree with others, seems anti-woman and anti-mother.

I'm not saying that's what transformed is intending to do. It's just that in my world, I don't see mothers as "liking to fight" any more than any other sort of person. And when people refer to women's disagreements as "mommy wars" (no, I'm not saying transformed has done this, but her comment seemed to be along those lines), it seems like an attempt to make women look stupid and petty.

I honestly think saying someone has "road rage" sounds like a compliment, compared to saying she's in the "mommy wars" or "she's a mommy who likes to fight with other mommies."

OK, I see your point. However, I think it's the tone, and not the fact, of the argument that's the problem. Of course, I didn't make the post to which you refer, and maybe I'm off base.







True debate about how any given child-rearing standard is or is not "right" or "good" would not involve sarcastic, harshly judgmental comments. Even heated debate never seeks to hit below the belt.


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## Krystal323 (May 14, 2004)

hmm, to me that is odd that there are parents all playing at the park! that would suck for me, i like to chitchat with other moms and dads who are there! i mean, definitely be as involved as is necessary (pushing littles on the swing etc) but otherwise i want my kids to go play with other kids w/o me hovering--I'm like "GO play!"


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *UptownZoo* 
However, I think it's the tone, and not the fact, of the argument that's the problem...True debate about how any given child-rearing standard is or is not "right" or "good" would not involve sarcastic, harshly judgmental comments. Even heated debate never seeks to hit below the belt.

True!


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## mammal_mama (Aug 27, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Krystal323* 
hmm, to me that is odd that there are parents all playing at the park! that would suck for me, i like to chitchat with other moms and dads who are there! i mean, definitely be as involved as is necessary (pushing littles on the swing etc) but otherwise i want my kids to go play with other kids w/o me hovering--I'm like "GO play!"









Well, as some parents have shared, some children need more assistance to stay safe, for a variety of reasons. And some parents may work, and not get as much daily interaction with their kids -- and in these cases both child and parent may use this as a parent-child bonding time, rather than a break for the parent and "peer-time" for the kid.

As a SAHM, I can understand the needs of a SAHM to sometimes just chill and let the kids run around and play with other kids. But it's important for us all to realize that parents and children in two-career families may have entirely different needs that they go to the park to fill.

And even with my own needs, when I have a toddler who still needs me to keep close for safety purposes, you can bet I'm going to keep close. If some of my other mom friends are there, it's nice if they'll come close enough to visit with me -- but I've noticed that some of my friends with toddlers have way different comfort-levels than I do, and prefer to stay seated at the edge of the playground.

Their children don't seem to get into any more accidents than mine -- so I don't think it's an issue of "I'm right and they're wrong." It's just an issue that we need to respect each other on; no two parents are going to view safety in the same way.


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## madskye (Feb 20, 2006)

DD is two and a half and needs assistance and at least an eye on her while she plays so she doesn't get hurt.
We relax together, drink a juice box on the blanket, have a snack, look at the clouds. I might talk to other mommies, but the conversations usually get interupted because I have to keep an eye on DD and they are doing the same. Or, they come sit down with us and we all snack and chat together.


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## *Erin* (Mar 18, 2002)

i voted "half the time"
depends on the day, both our moods, the kids that are at the park.
if i'm not actively playing from the start, then i "helicopter" around my 5 yr old, at a distance, but close enough to hear what's going on between her and any kids she's beginning to play with until I'm comfortable that they're getting along well, and then I retreat to a bench and watch/visit with other parents. but i'm watching and listening the whole time, and often step in and redirect. i don't trust other kids, especially at dd's age. not here. 5 is too little to be playing alone while i read a book.


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