# 7 year old crying at bedtime...help!



## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Hello Ladies,

I have posted about my dd's bedtime struggles before, and to-date we have had no luck finding a solution.

It all started about 3 months ago. DD, who just turned seven has started crying, screaming and getting up to go pee 8-10 times at bedtime. There hasn't been any changes in our life that I can contribute to this sudden change in her behaviour. She used to go to bed at 8:30, and was usually asleep in 15-20 minutes...no problem.

Suddenly, about 3 months ago, she started crying the moment I told her it was bedtime. (This is after our regular routine, bath, snack, books, etc)

We have tried letting her stay up and read quietly until she is tired, listen to music, or books on tape. We've tried putting her to bed earlier, thinking maybe she is overtired. The only thing I have asked of her is that she be quiet while in her room. She will not do this. She cries, screams, says she is 'sad' because she can't fall asleep.







:

I am very confused, and don't know what to do. It is putting serious strain on our relationship, because I feel like she is old enough to respect my wishes that she BE QUIET at bedtime. My husband is losing it, and has yelled at her several times. Bedtime has become stressful and very unpleasant.

It was suggested that I lie down with her until she falls asleep. However, we also have a 15 month old, and I am 5 months pregnant with our 3rd. I have tried doing this, but I cannot lay there for an hour, (it hasn't worked) and quite frankly, I don't really want to. I feel that she is old enough to fall asleep on her own, and she has never needed this kind of help in the past. I am at the end of my rope here, and we are all suffering.
Any help is greatly appreciated.

Lola


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## mistymeltzer (Feb 28, 2006)

wow. that sounds so awful for both of you...
my dd is 13 mo so i have no experience with 7 yo, but i read a book recently that i think might be helpful to you...
it is called "sweet dreams" and it is by paul fleiss
hope that helps mama...


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Thank-you for the book suggestion Misty. I will look for it today.


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## ~*max*~ (Dec 23, 2002)

I am sure you have tried talking to her about why she is reluctant to go to bed. How about trying some expressive forms of communication & see if you can get her to let her feelings out in other ways? For example, you could have her draw a picture about bedtime & have her tell you about it. You could play out bedtime scenarios w/a doll house & dolls. You could (in a light hearted manner) trade roles - she being the mom, you being the daughter. You might be surprised at what comes out. If nothing else, it gives her a safe way to express her feelings (those that she may not even be able to verbally express). HTH.


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *~*max*~* 
I am sure you have tried talking to her about why she is reluctant to go to bed. How about trying some expressive forms of communication & see if you can get her to let her feelings out in other ways? For example, you could have her draw a picture about bedtime & have her tell you about it. You could play out bedtime scenarios w/a doll house & dolls. You could (in a light hearted manner) trade roles - she being the mom, you being the daughter. You might be surprised at what comes out. If nothing else, it gives her a safe way to express her feelings (those that she may not even be able to verbally express). HTH.

These are good suggestions. I have talked to her (tried to anyway), about her reluctance, to no avail. She doesn't seem to have the words, or maybe she just doesn't know why? I like the role-playing idea and will try it. I guess this is the most frustrating part, not knowing what is bothering her. Because, obviously something is.

The other disturbing aspect is her 'need' to go pee several times. We have taken her to our gp for tests, and there is nothing physically wrong, so I am at a loss with this also. I'm sure it is somehow related to the bedtime struggle, but I'm not sure how.

Thank you for the suggestions.


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## ~*max*~ (Dec 23, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lolalola* 
The other disturbing aspect is her 'need' to go pee several times. We have taken her to our gp for tests, and there is nothing physically wrong, so I am at a loss with this also. I'm sure it is somehow related to the bedtime struggle, but I'm not sure how.

Thank you for the suggestions.

The need to pee sounds like a symptom of the anxiety she is feeling. Or, it may just be a tangible reason for her to bide a little more time. It sounds really frustrating. I hope it works out for you all soon.


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## SleepyMamaBear (Jun 5, 2005)

have you tried some rescue remedy for the anxiety? it helps everyone in our house.


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *AddysMama* 
have you tried some rescue remedy for the anxiety? it helps everyone in our house.

What is rescue remedy?


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## SleepyMamaBear (Jun 5, 2005)

its a flower essence found in MANY health food stores.
found here

also you would try Calmes Forte for kids.


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## yaboobarb (Mar 23, 2002)

Maybe she saw something on TV? I remember a few shows that I saw as a child that really mesed me up- but I was afraid to talk about it. All it takes is a few seconds to do this...









I have had great success using EFT ( Emotional Freedon Technique) with my children. It is pairs tapping on accupoints with some affirmations to get to the root of the problem in a gentle way.

You can learn it and use it for *free* here - there are plenty of articles for using this with children.
EFT

Or- if you need help I found a talented EFT master *Rick Wilkes* (I have used him for Allergy Relief, Pain and Pregnancy Issues)

Thriving Now

Good luck!
Barbara


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Barb~ thank-you for the info on EFT. I had not heard of this before. I downloaded the free instructions, and plan to read through tommorrow.


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## AtomicOcean (Jun 22, 2006)

I know you took her to your gp, but I am wondering a bit about the peeing thing.

I have a condition called interstitial cystitis that among other things makes me have to pee often when I'm stressed. It's often misdiagnosed in people under the age of 65 and attributed to other things, but it's a very real thing! Right now probably isn't the time to stress her out more with tests because they actually have to scope your bladder to diagnose it, but keep an eye on her during the day too and see if she's peeing more often than "normal".

You sound like you're having a rough time of it and I hope other peoples' suggestions work out for you.


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Seun* 
I know you took her to your gp, but I am wondering a bit about the peeing thing.

I have a condition called interstitial cystitis that among other things makes me have to pee often when I'm stressed. It's often misdiagnosed in people under the age of 65 and attributed to other things, but it's a very real thing! Right now probably isn't the time to stress her out more with tests because they actually have to scope your bladder to diagnose it, but keep an eye on her during the day too and see if she's peeing more often than "normal".

You sound like you're having a rough time of it and I hope other peoples' suggestions work out for you.

I have just 'googled' interstitial cystitis, and the symptoms sound curiously like what my dd is experiencing. She has an appt. with a paediatrician in the new year, I will be going in well-educated. Thank-you so much for this. I don't wish anything to be wrong with dd, but it (the peeing) is very 'real' to her.


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## AtomicOcean (Jun 22, 2006)

I can try to answer any questions you might have about it. I was terrified when I was diagnosed (I was 26, I think), but just by modifying my diet, I've gone from a peeing machine who was terrified to be away from a bathroom and in so much pain some days, I couldn't walk to a somewhat normal mommy who's pregnant with a second baby.

I think I had the condition since I was about 3, but it was always chalked up to something else - a new sibling in the house, a bladder infection, nerves, imagination, you name it.

Anyway, pm me if you want and go to the doctor well informed. Oh, and tell your daughter it's ok to pee lots


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## lolalola (Aug 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Seun* 
I can try to answer any questions you might have about it. I was terrified when I was diagnosed (I was 26, I think), but just by modifying my diet, I've gone from a peeing machine who was terrified to be away from a bathroom and in so much pain some days, I couldn't walk to a somewhat normal mommy who's pregnant with a second baby.

I think I had the condition since I was about 3, but it was always chalked up to something else - a new sibling in the house, a bladder infection, nerves, imagination, you name it.

Anyway, pm me if you want and go to the doctor well informed. Oh, and tell your daughter it's ok to pee lots









Thank-you, and I will pm you with some questions in the next couple of days, if you don't mind. DD has been to our gp for abdominal pain since March '06, and the intensity of the peeing has been an issue since Oct. '06. The ab pain was never taken seriously enough for my liking...since dd wasn't losing weight and/or vomiting, gp didn't think it was cause for much concern.

I'd like to ask you about your diet changes too.

Congrats on your pregnancy!!!


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## AtomicOcean (Jun 22, 2006)

I'll just give you a quick list of diet changes here, since I need to go to bed and this could help someone else too.

- no juice, at all!
- no lemonade, might be obvious, but I never counted that as a juice until I paid for it by drinking some after I had been feeling better for a while
- lots of water - like 2 L a day, on top of whatever I drink with meals
- limit acidic fruits like oranges, cranberries, lemons (a navel orange will make my bladder bleed - sorry if TMI)
- supposed to limit chocolate. When I'm not pregnant this actually is true. When I'm pregnant, my chocolate tolerance and *need* goes waaaaay up, lol
- no tea, coffee, soft drinks
- I drink lots of milk. I don't know if this helps at all, but I go through about 8 litres a week, minus about 3 glasses that dh drinks in the week.

I also use the washroom whenever I have to. I learned that if I needed to, it was ok to get up and leave a meeting or conversation. If I don't, it seems to irritate my bladder badly enough that I have visible blood in my urine. I also have a small bladder from all the scarring, so it doesn't hold much (at last test it held 500 mL).

Ok, I need to go to bed before my 2 year old wakes up. I'll check back tomorrow


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## julie anne (Mar 28, 2006)

2 ideas come to mind: Traditional Medicinals makes a kid version of a sleepy time tea that could become part of her bedtime routine. The other thing, might be a light buddy (that's what we call it). It's a battery operated nightlight (we got ours for under a $1 at a discount store, but hardware stores carry them, too). I've got 2 children that are scared of the dark, so we keep them in our car for when we're out in the evenings to help with their anxiety.


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## yaboobarb (Mar 23, 2002)

You are welcome!
Let me know if you tried it , how it worked!

They say you should first "tap on *your own* fears/ anger/ issues about the problem *before* tapping on the child's issue.

Good luck!
Barbara


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