# 4 year old unreasonable about a smoothie



## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

We make lots of fruit smoothies. I like to add raw eggs from our chickens and spinach to increase the nutrition. Today my 4 year old son wanted a "yellow smoothie" without egg or spinach. Fine. I made enough smoothie for all of us with the intent of serving him some then adding in egg and spinach for me and my toddler. I told my son this.

Good lord, you would think I was threatening to cram the spinach up his nose. "I don't want you to make the yellow smoothie green. I don't like that kind. There won't be enough for me if I want extra. Don't ever do this..."

I tried explaining, "I'll make enough yellow for you. The green is for me and the baby." then "Would you like me to put extra yellow in the fridge in case you want more later?" etc.

I tried reflecting, "You're afraid you won't get enough smoothie. You're unhappy I'm making the smoothie green."

I gave him the cup he wanted and put away how much extra smoothie he wanted. I added the egg and spinach to what remained in the blender. His wailing continued.

I was back to explaining and reflecting. Then I told him to blow it out his ear.

I finally walked away. He came to me to dry his eyes and blow his nose then he went into the other room to read. He tells me, "Don't make yellow smoothies green again," whenever I walk in that room.

Any suggestions on what I can do to get my very tunnel-visioned 4 year old to either be more flexible or less vocal?


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SundayCrepes* 

Any suggestions on what I can do to get my very tunnel-visioned 4 year old to either be more flexible or less vocal?

Wait until he's nine?

My dd was like this when she was four, too. She still can be if she's hungry, angry or tired. Or just feeling really stubborn.

You were thoughtful and responsive to your ds's concerns. I think you were right to cut the conversation off - he can't control what kind of smoothie everyone else gets.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

You did fine. I would just re-iterate he can have a smoothie his way, but you get to pick how to have your smoothie too. If he doesn't like it, oh well. In time, he will get it.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Sigh...Thanks for the support.

Is 9 long enough to wait? lol


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I think he'll get it sooner than 9--this was probably a bad day or passing phase. My ds was past that kind of stuff completely by 7, but didn't do it much of it past the age of 5.


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## LCBMAX (Jun 18, 2008)

I know you had a hard time there, but I had to post because the title of your thread made me laugh. Husband and I were just discussing this am's incident in our kitchen with 27 month old son that resulted in fish oil stains on the ceiling. Darn these unreasonable kids!

ps. what's your smoothie recipe? sounds delicious! I want my yellow smoothie green, please, mama!


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## One_Girl (Feb 8, 2008)

As my dd has gotten older she has come to see that I am not going to let her lose out on things that she likes and that I will take her feelings into consideration and that has really helped her not to be willing to work things out without getting tunnel vision too often. I think it is normal for kids to be extremely disappointed about only having an option they view as disgusting or about a situation where they don't think they will get their fill because they can't just make more or change what they get. Getting to have a say and having lots of experience with these situations turning out well really does help, but that takes time.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *LCBMAX* 
ps. what's your smoothie recipe? sounds delicious! I want my yellow smoothie green, please, mama!

We throw in whatever frozen fruit we're interested in at the moment and sometimes a fresh banana. I keep frozen mango. frozen blueberries, and frozen strawberries in the freezer, but any others you like would work.

Then we add peach juice (not filtered) and milk. I have the juice come about 2 to 3 inches up the fruit in the blender then the milk the rest of the way, another 4 or 5 inches. Sometimes we add frozen plain yogurt, sometimes we don't.

So today's yellow smoothie was fresh banana and frozen mango. Once I didn't have mango and he wanted just yellow so I made a fresh banana, juice and milk smoothie. It was thin because there wasn't anything frozen in it and he liked it just fine.

The green smoothie is banana and mango with frozen spinach and eggs added.

The spinach doesn't alter the taste much and I say, "Should we put in green polk-a-dots today?" Sometimes he wants that, sometimes he doesn't. It definitely alters the color of a yellow smoothie. If I've added strawberries it all just sort of becomes greyish with green spots. With blueberries it's purple with green spots.

When I put in the eggs and spinach I consider it a pretty complete meal. If the kids aren't interested in eating anything else, they'll eat this. I keep meaning to buy some flax seed oil. Since my kids get DHA gummies I'm not in a hurry to get the flax, it just seems a good idea.

I know this isn't the point of this thread, but if anyone adds anything else to their smoothies to increase the nutrition, I'd love to know what you add.


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## dahlialia (Mar 22, 2009)

I think the thing about 4 year olds is they can be unreasonable about anything. Including something that they were fine with just the day before!

We add peanut butter to our smoothies. Makes them taste a little like ice cream. And I like the protein; I have a hard time with raw eggs.


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## 2xy (Nov 30, 2008)

I think you gave him too much information and it made him worried. There was really no reason to tell him that you planned on adding egg and spinach after he got his portion. I know it seemed innocuous at the time, but some kids focus in on something negative and can't turn it off.

Next time, when he asks for yellow smoothie (or in a similar situation), just say "okay".

4yo children are very egocentric. They can't really see things from another person's point of view.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2xy* 
I think you gave him too much information and it made him worried. There was really no reason to tell him that you planned on adding egg and spinach after he got his portion. I know it seemed innocuous at the time, but some kids focus in on something negative and can't turn it off.

Next time, when he asks for yellow smoothie (or in a similar situation), just say "okay".

4yo children are very egocentric. They can't really see things from another person's point of view.

Makes sense.

Of course, the day before when we did this there was no drama involved.


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## stik (Dec 3, 2003)

OMG, I know, right? I hate how it changes so fast!

When my dd was 4, she once had an hours-long fit over her dad picking her up to leave the playground, like he had always done, every day, for months. And it kept going and going because, she said, she wanted him to *not have done that.* Our intervention at the beginning was an offer to go back to where she had been and let her walk from that spot to the car but it didn't help because she literally wanted us to turn back time and never have been picked up in the first place. She refused all attempts at comfort. In the end, all we could do was tell her that we were sorry she was sad, and she needed to leave space on the kitchen floor (where she was sobbing) so other people could get from the stove to the table to fix dinner. After three hours, she fell asleep.

I was really glad when DH's aunt told me that kind of thing was a developmental phase, not a personality trait.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SundayCrepes* 
I was back to explaining and reflecting. Then I told him to blow it out his ear.











I've experienced things like this, kids being really unreasonable about the things I want to do. I guess in part it's just that he wants you to like and want the smoothie he wants, or he wants to exert that kind of control over you.

I remember my daughters getting angry when I would go pee, and try and push my off the toilet. And one day the one started crying and said, "Why are you punishing me???" I said, "How am I punishing you?" She replied, "You told me I couldn't hit my sister!"

I've done the empathizing and reflecting thing with my kids and then added, "I know you want to cry and you're allowed to cry, but you can't cry here." So yeah, in other words, blow it out your ear.


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## beebalmmama (Jul 21, 2005)

I've definitely experienced this kind of behavior in my 4.5 yr old too. Although he probably would have thrown the smoothie at me or tried to dump it down the sink.








I don't know when it ends.....but it will sure be nice when it does. Probably just in time for my ds 2 to reach that stage.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *beebalmmama* 
I don't know when it ends.....but it will sure be nice when it does. Probably just in time for my ds 2 to reach that stage.









I hear that. Number 2 is just starting to fight getting into her carseat. It's still cute when she doesn't want to go where you're going so she just sits down. I can't remember when it stops being cute and just gets annoying.


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## Chicky2 (May 29, 2002)

Ugh, we had a similar situation (ok, just about daily, really) but it involved strawberry yogurt and a blue bowl. She didn't want the blue bowl, and then after 2 more bowl changes, she wanted the blue one.







Now the rule is one change only, lol.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

So we spent the day at the Desert Museum (75 degrees in May in Tucson. Who would have ever thought of that?) We dropped off his friend at home. He slept in the car but didn't get a full nap. I knew I was in trouble...

He'd asked if he could have vanilla scones for his sugar today. So while he and his sister slept, I drove around to a few starbucks looking for said scones. I finally found one. Just one. (They're small so he usually has 3.) Everyone else was sold out. So I thought when he woke up I would be safe. I had a scone shield.

Boy was I wrong. "I wanted 3 scones." I drove to 3 friggin starbucks and did the best I could and it wasn't enough. I knew it was because he didn't sleep long enough, but geez. He eventually asked for a yellow smoothie. "But remember not to make the rest of it green." I decided today was not the day to stand my ground.


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## angielablau (May 13, 2010)

I think four year olds are just REALLY weird about food. Our daughter will NOT try anything that seems remotely strange to her, even acting almost offended that you'd eat something that she thinks is gross. She has a fit whenever I eat blue cheese in front of her and goes on and on about how she "hates stinky cheese." Haha. She's also say she wants something, then you make it for her and she suddenly doesn't want to eat anything. So really, it might just be how they are at this age...


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## jessemoon (May 31, 2004)

A wise friend of mine once told me that the very state of being a frustrated 3 year old (though it applies to 4 year olds as well) is wanting two opposing things at the same time and not being able to understand the impossibility of it.


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## SallyN (Feb 5, 2008)

great stuff.

I'm going to chime in to say that the big deal probably wasn't about the smoothie, but something else and the smoothie was how it manifested.

(posting and running... does the above make any sense? i'll try to come back later to expound.)


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## Chicky2 (May 29, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SallyN* 
great stuff.

I'm going to chime in to say that the big deal probably wasn't about the smoothie, but something else and the smoothie was how it manifested.

(posting and running... does the above make any sense? i'll try to come back later to expound.)

Does to me. I've seen it way too many times in my years of parenting.









3 and 4 year olds are interesting critters, for sure. They can make you smile and melt and also wanna tear *someone's* hair out in the very same instant.

We ran out of asparagus today about 10 seconds after we harvested. 2 of my kids follow me to the asparagus patch when they see me going to harvest. Rarely does any make it back into the house to be cooked, lol (I know, I know, I could have way worse problems!). Anyway, today my 3.5 yo dd sat down in the middle of the asparagus patch and wailed and wailed because I couldn't make more grow "right now". I told her that more would grow overnight in the moonlight and we could go out in the morning and have asparagus and beet greens and lettuce for breakfast. Nope, just simply not good enough.








Whatdoyado, right? I left her there wailing until she got it out of her system and went to harvest radishes. She eventually stopped wailing and came over to help pull radishes. I think they just get upset because their expectations exceed their abilities at the moment and they have to work through it. I mean, I would get upset too if I were 3 and didn't have any more asparagus and couldn't just wiggle my nose and make more grow, lol.


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## moondiapers (Apr 14, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SundayCrepes* 
So we spent the day at the Desert Museum (75 degrees in May in Tucson. Who would have ever thought of that?) We dropped off his friend at home. He slept in the car but didn't get a full nap. I knew I was in trouble...

He'd asked if he could have vanilla scones for his sugar today. So while he and his sister slept, I drove around to a few starbucks looking for said scones. I finally found one. Just one. (They're small so he usually has 3.) Everyone else was sold out. So I thought when he woke up I would be safe. I had a scone shield.

Boy was I wrong. "I wanted 3 scones." I drove to 3 friggin starbucks and did the best I could and it wasn't enough. I knew it was because he didn't sleep long enough, but geez. He eventually asked for a yellow smoothie. "But remember not to make the rest of it green." I decided today was not the day to stand my ground.

Maybe you're trying too hard? Are you afraid of his tantrums? I would have tried one starbucks, and told him that i was sorry they were out. tantrums from 4yos don't bother me in the least. I just walk away and they end pretty quickly.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

The title cracked me up! I like your four year old.

Yes. You have to wait until he's nine. By then, you will be so annoyed that he won't bathe or brush his teeth, that you will remember fondly the smoothie incident.

We still laugh about the time my ex broke our four year old's egg roll to let it cool. She was mad about that for nearly a year.

Maybe next time you can say "Tell me when..." and let him tell you how much he wants while you are pouring it. Then, make yours the way you like it.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *moondiapers* 
Maybe you're trying too hard? Are you afraid of his tantrums? I would have tried one starbucks, and told him that i was sorry they were out. tantrums from 4yos don't bother me in the least. I just walk away and they end pretty quickly.

Not this time. I was driving around to get in longer naps and because I had told him he could have a scone. Sometimes the store running out of the desired object means you don't get it. Sometimes we go to another store to see if they have it.

ETA: It was easier to write in my first post that I'd driven to 3 starbucks. Actually, I drove to one that didn't have any scones, got phone numbers for more starbucks, called 2, and went to the one that had a scone. That seemed more info than was needed in the prior post.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SallyN* 
great stuff.

I'm going to chime in to say that the big deal probably wasn't about the smoothie, but something else and the smoothie was how it manifested.

(posting and running... does the above make any sense? i'll try to come back later to expound.)

Although this is sometimes true, like yesterday afternoon's meltdown that was about a too short nap. However, other times it's because, as this is a child who has told me, "I want what I want." He inherited this genetic personality trait from his father. (Thank goodness his father wanted me.)

Today he had a friend over and they played really well together. He asked if they could have smoothies. Sure. He asked his friend if she wanted yellow or green. She chose green and he chose yellow. I said "okay. I'll make you a yellow one then I'll make her a green one." "Don't make the yellow one turn green." "Yes, that's how I will make them." "Then I'll scream." "Then I won't make smoothies. If you decide you won't scream then I'll make them. If you're going to decide to scream, I'm not going to make them." This went on for awhile and he decided he wouldn't scream.

We made the smoothies as a group with the 3 kids on the learning tower. No tantrums. Not even when I added almond butter to the baby's smoothie. There was extra of that green almond butter smoothie and my son happily drank it later.


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SallyN* 
great stuff.

I'm going to chime in to say that the big deal probably wasn't about the smoothie, but something else and the smoothie was how it manifested.

(posting and running... does the above make any sense? i'll try to come back later to expound.)

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I agree and i know exactly waht you mean.

when you see kids being unreasonable you know they have moved on and we need to check into our parenting. is he getting more responsibilities? is he doing more chores? does he get a little more independence?

there is a 4 year old thing. it IS all about themselves as well as being anal.

just hang in there. this too shall pass.


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## philomom (Sep 12, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SundayCrepes* 
Boy was I wrong. "I wanted 3 scones." I drove to 3 friggin starbucks and did the best I could and it wasn't enough. I knew it was because he didn't sleep long enough, but geez. He eventually asked for a yellow smoothie. "But remember not to make the rest of it green." I decided today was not the day to stand my ground.

Please don't make a habit of driving around for one item to placate a difficult child. You are not doing him, you or the planet any favors.

I hope this stage passes for you soon.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *philomom* 
Please don't make a habit of driving around for one item to placate a difficult child. You are not doing him, you or the planet any favors.

I hope this stage passes for you soon.

This wasn't to placate him. I had told him he could have scones. I did it to be nice. I just thought maybe it would also help him be in a happy mood when he woke up. I knew he wouldn't get a full nap and he'd be grumpy. Although it wasn't my attempt to "placate" him, I do think sometimes it's okay to set a scenario that makes it easier for him when he wakes up with too little sleep on board.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chicky2* 
Anyway, today my 3.5 yo dd sat down in the middle of the asparagus patch and wailed and wailed because I couldn't make more grow "right now".









I remember my firstborn throwing a tantrum because I couldn't make the sun go down, and it was shining on her face in the car. We were on a trip, so we had to be in the car.


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## Manonash (Jun 2, 2006)

I'm so glad to see people posting that this is normal







. My funny example:
A couple of days ago, we went shopping for new clothes and DD's cousin was with us. I let DD pick which clothes she likes and of course, all she wants is pink LOL. Anyway, her cousin picks out a dress for herself and it is yellow. My daughter has a meltdown because her cousin's dress isn't the right one.


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## Chicky2 (May 29, 2002)

OP, instead of being out when you know it'll be nap time, in the future maybe you can plan your outings for early morning or right after nap time? Then you don't have to set up a scenario to make sure he's happy when he wakes up, because usually just getting a good nap will prevent the tantrum. Or make the scenario easier on you both by having something available in the car that he loves? We avoided going places anywhere near nap time for years. We always felt it was just simply better (and still do this w/our youngest) for the child all around to have regularly scheduled sleeps. A museum can be visited any time of day, correct? Next time you find the scones at Starbucks maybe you can buy some extra and freeze them til your next outing? Or make some at home?

I am a very nice mama, but I have never, and would never ever drive more than one place for an item. There are plenty of ways to be nice, and that does not have to be one of them. Planning ahead is almost always going to help prevent some of this stuff. When my kids tantrum, I never give in to what they are tantruming about since the tantrum is rarely about "scones" or "yellow smoothies" anyway. If I gave in, I'd be setting us both up for more issues later on.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

double post


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

I am regretting posting about the whole nap and scone thing. I did so because I thought it was funny. I had a scone shield and even it couldn't protect me from the ravages of a 4 year old. I guess the humor didn't come across in the telling. I wasn't asking for advice on dealing with the scones or nap issues, I was just saying, "Yeah, here's another 4 year old event to add to the list that everyone's accumulating." I mean really, and this is humor here, how can we ever be safe from our 4 year olds if even a vanilla frosted scone can't protect us?

But, to address some of the good suggestions that just don't apply here...

My son rarely naps anymore. It was 75 degrees in May in Tucson instead of 100. Better to take advantage of a day outside than spend it inside. We'll have plenty of indoor days to come. We often go to the Desert Museum (a zoo, actually) during the middle of the day. (My little one naps on the way there and naps on the way back. It's perfect.) It's really lovely to wander through the desert plants and eat lunch. The kids love to play in the fake caves. They spent forever doing that. Even my toddler climbed through the crack for her very first time. (She needed my help since it was uneven footing.) It was a truly nice time with a long drive home for my toddler to take her nap.

My son's friend fell asleep in the car during the long drive home (she's a bit younger than my son.) To be nice I called her dad and said I would bring her to his house instead of him driving to my house and having to wake her up to get her out of my car and into his car. We stopped by our house to check our mail. I told my son I would get him scones after we dropped off his friend. He fell asleep on the way there. I knew this was trouble since he is a grouch if he gets less than 2 hours of sleep and there was no way I was going to sit in my car for 2 hours. At first I was annoyed since he was awake when we got to our house and he wouldn't have fallen asleep if we'd just stayed there. (And he wouldn't have been a grouch AND he would have gone to bed at his normal time instead of 10pm as he does with even 1/2 hour nap.) I tried to put it all in perspective. I knew what I was going to face. I also knew her dad is a single father. Better for me to have the overtired child (since my husband would soon be home to help me) than he have the overtired child with no one to help him with his two little kids.

There are times when I have no problems driving to another store to get something. That is a choice I make. Especially when I know that driving around will buy me extra time for my son to sleep.


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## Chicky2 (May 29, 2002)

OP, you are right. I think some of the humor just didn't come across in the telling, like you said. Eh, that happens w/the written word. Sorry if you felt attacked, that certainly wasn't the intent in my post.


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## littlemizflava (Oct 8, 2006)

this is why i love my bullet. everyone can get what they want in their own cup. what i want is not in your smoothie







works perfectly here


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Chicky2* 
Sorry if you felt attacked, that certainly wasn't the intent in my post.

No, I didn't feel attacked. Just like everyone was trying so hard to help me with the scone situation and that was one situation that I felt okay with (please write that on the calendar. I felt ok with a situation with my tantruming 4 year old. LOL) I also thought the advice you gave was good. I'm also very careful about naptimes.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

My dd was about that age when she told a lady at the grocery store to "suck it" so I don't know.









That is really a fun age though, despite the traumas.


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## RoViMama (Nov 10, 2009)

What about two blender pitchers? One for yellow and one for green!! He can pick which one he wants to use.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *RoViMama* 
What about two blender pitchers? One for yellow and one for green!! He can pick which one he wants to use.

I only own one blender and it only has one pitcher. I can't afford another blender.


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I think he will just get over it with time.









I told this story 500 times now but when my dd was about that age I dragged her to the grocery store even though she hadn't had her nap yet.

I *knew* this was probably a mistake.

So anyways we are shopping and of course she wants some sort of treat, I told her "no" and of *course* she proceeded to throw the biggest tantrum. I am just standing there staring at her letting her finish up and some TOTAL stranger walks by and TELLS DD, "You just need a spanking now don't you."

My dd stops screaming, looks at her and says "suck it"

Some of our non-parents friends taught her that. She never said it before that so I didn't think it really stuck. I cracked up laughing.









Sometimes they just throw tantrums and you can't really do anything about it. Sometimes you *can* do something about it and it is pretty reasonable like when my husband is done mowing the lawn he lets ds "drive" the mower. We don't get the mower out *just* so ds can "drive" it but if it is already out it isn't a huge deal.


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## SundayCrepes (Feb 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *abimommy* 
some TOTAL stranger walks by and TELLS DD, "You just need a spanking now don't you."

My dd stops screaming, looks at her and says "suck it"

I love it. How did the person respond?


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SundayCrepes* 
I love it. How did the person respond?

They stormed off after I fell over. I am lucky they didn't hit me I would have been completely helpless.


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