# Do you have a parenting motto?



## DeerMother (Apr 22, 2008)

Share your parenting motto!

As of late, mine has been, "choose the path of least resistance".


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## Ellie'sMom (Aug 10, 2002)

I have two. The first is "You don't have to be the best, just good enough." I'm a perfectionist and that causes stress for me and the kids.

The other is the title of a book I saw long ago, "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff." Sometimes it's so hard to keep things in perspective!

OP, my second motto often leads me to your motto!


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## newbymom05 (Aug 13, 2005)

Progress, not perfection."


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## shanniesue2 (Jul 4, 2007)

I have a question I often ask myself: "Is this really worth it?" Sometimes the answer is yes. When it is, then I hold my ground. When the answer is no, I back down.

And I don't mean "is parenting really worth it?" (b/c the answer to that is yes!)


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## blessedwithboys (Dec 8, 2004)

Err on the side of kindness.


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

"This too shall pass" is probably what sums it up these days.

"Good enough" is another one.

My favorite is probably my sister's:

"Well, it's nothing that a couple years of therapy won't cure."


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

"They are people too."

I also tend to remind myself "Just because I'm the parent, it doesn't mean I'm right" when DD is arguing a point and I don't want to admit that she is make a rational and sensible argument.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

"They grow up so fast." (So cherish these moments, have more patience, etc.)


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## lab (Jun 11, 2003)

I have teenagers, so mine is supervision and opportunity


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

I've got a couple, most of them given to me by others:

My dad, when my first was born: "I always found the intro to Dr. Spock very comforting: 'Trust yourself -- you know more than you think you do.'"

My dad, again when the first was a baby: "A little benign neglect never hurt anyone"

(Meaning: don't be too fast to jump in when they're playing, figuring things out, working things out. Let them learn to self-amuse, problem solve, etc. Still applies as they get older - don't insert yourself into their business all the time out of some kind of "but they NEEEEEEED me to do this." It never meant, in our parlance, to ignore them and leave them unsupported, but just to give them the time and space to be themselves and figure things out if they can).

A friend from grad school: "Tsk! No lying to children or animals!"

(The pets were good practice. You don't need to say "Cats don't like ice cream!" when you can say "Ice cream makes you projectile vomit, silly cat!"

Another friend: "Is this the hill I want to die on?"

(Variant of "pick your battles.")


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## staceychev (Mar 5, 2005)

The two that most readily come to mind are:

1. Choose your battles.

2. Set your expectations high, 'cause you're going to make compromises.

I once heard of a couple (perhaps a fictional one) who said "Never go to bed angry." I think that's a good one too. Always remember the love.


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## onlyzombiecat (Aug 15, 2004)

Keep her alive until she is 18.

Not sure that is really a motto but it helps me to remember some days that my job is not to give dd everything in the universe, bake her cookies and be her most beloved buddy. My job is to give her shelter, food and teach her how to care for herself as best I can. And I'm doing that.


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## Stacey12 (Dec 19, 2010)

Nice I am going to borrow some of these!


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

"It's only urine."


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## nwatt (Sep 3, 2009)

"Everything is a phase." This probably won't work when DD is younger, but I find it really helps in the baby/toddler ages.


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## springmum (Aug 30, 2008)

"I'll miss this when he's 30"

" He's only this small for such a short amount of time"

Regarding sleepless nights, clinginess, neediness etc. with my 2.5 yr old.


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## green betty (Jun 13, 2004)

"What's more important, my idea about how things "ought" to be or our relationship?" Some form of that question guides my parenting every day (I hope!)


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## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

When your choices are laugh or cry, choose laughter,


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

"Let it go."


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## AllisonR (May 5, 2006)

Great thread OP.

Mine is "Doesn't matter. When he is 21, he will be lying on a couch, saying he wants to kill his father and sleep with his mother."

Meaning, no matter how well I do, my DS/DD are going to think some of the things I did were wrong. And some of the things will be wrong, but it will have been good enough. So I might as well cut myself some slack. I'm very hard on myself I sometimes over analyze things, so sometimes it's good to step back and accept how things are and even laugh about it a bit.


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## Baby_Cakes (Jan 14, 2008)

This too shall pass is one I often find myself repeating! It gets me thru! Lots of these are great, and very helpful.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Narrowing it down to a motto, it would probably be something like "Enjoying the small things!"

That goes for life in general though.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

Will it be cute when they are 6 or 9? (Said when they are doing something that is undesirable behavior but also makes me laugh!)


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## JohannaInDairyland (Mar 24, 2009)

Remember how it feels to be a kid.


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## acbphoto (Dec 19, 2010)

One that I heard somewhere (?) is: "If your children can afford their own therapy when they grow up, you did a great job!"

Funny! But it really does help me to remember that everyone has their own distinct personality, with strengths and challenges. Thus, we two people in the exact same situation (i.e. home) will experience it completely differently. No matter how hard we try, perfection is not an attainable goal. What is most important for me is to let the small stuff go - keep the big stuff on the horizon: raising conscious, considerate, kind, open-minded, open-hearted individuals who value life and learning and the journey.


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## sweetbabyfeet (Dec 2, 2010)

Love begins at home.

I have a little sign with that quote. I hung it between the kitchen and family room and see it many, many times each day. It reminds me of the importance and power of thinking, speaking, and acting with love.


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

I have a few variants of the mottos above. Most frequently used "they grow up so fast, enjoy every moment" and "try seeing it from his point of view". I also concur that my pets were great in training me to be patient and to not sweat the small stuff.


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Progress, not perfection.

Good enough is good enough.

Am I taking myself too seriously?

How can I connect?

She (or he) is crying, hug her (or him).

Be respectful.

Try again.

Breathe. Do I really need to be angry about this?

They're only little for such a short time.

There will be a time when I will miss this.

I will try my best but there are so many things that interact to affect how my children grow up, there are other influences.

Hopefully they'll just need less therapy than I did.


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## cyclamen (Jul 10, 2005)

I concur with so many of these.

Lately ours has been:

"She is a scientist baby, doing an experiment to learn about the world."


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## Petie1104 (Oct 26, 2010)

About 2 weeks before my dad passed away, he was in the hospital and I visited with the baby. The baby was getting fussy and I was getting stressed and my dad looked at me and said, "relax, they're only small for a little while, try to enjoy it".

And of course, "be gumby". It's something we used to say when I was in the military, and it describes both the military and parenting very well.


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## hopefulfaith (Mar 28, 2005)

Do everything in love.

This helps me react appropriately, especially when I'm upset. Am I reacting out of love or anger or frustration? I want to err on the side of love.


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## elven87 (Dec 14, 2010)

<3


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## *clementine* (Oct 15, 2004)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Smokering*
> 
> "It's only urine."


That made me laugh out loud- which is saying something because I'm c.r.a.n.k.y.


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## freestylemama (Apr 8, 2009)

We're having fun and this will wash.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Relax! A lot of stuff we worry about doesn't matter that much.


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## Swandira (Jun 26, 2005)

Children are just people.

I think of this to remind myself that there's nothing metaphysically different about them. This isn't true in every case, because not all of their systems are fully developed and they aren't fully grown, but it helps me remember to imagine how I would react in a similar situation. They're just like the rest of us, except with less life experience. They don't have any special emotions or motivations that we don't have too.

Nealy

Mama to Thales, 8; Lydia, 4; and Odin, 2


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## VisionaryMom (Feb 20, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *LynnS6*
> 
> "This too shall pass" is probably what sums it up these days.


That's been my life's motto for a long time.

Our "family motto" is "every problem has a solution. Your job is to find it." We use that to guide how we handle each problem. DS told me the other day that he wanted our family motto to be "we always try to win."


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## just_lily (Feb 29, 2008)

"Do what makes you least crazy."

This was especially true when DD was an infant, but still applies today.

Does it make me less crazy to spend an hour trying to get her to sleep in her crib, or to just hold her for her nap?

Does it make me less crazy to keep pumping breastmilk, or to just give her a bottle of formula?

Does it make me less crazy to try to get her to potty train, or to just put her in another diaper?

Does it make me less crazy to take her to the park, or to try to entertain her at home?

I think it is the acknowledgment that parenting is going to make you crazy no matter what, and your only hope is to minimize it along the way.


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## hhurd (Oct 7, 2002)

Edward Gorey's line, "Beware of this and that"


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Be a "YES" Mom as much as possible.


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## LessTraveledBy (Feb 9, 2005)

Mother at least as well as a gorilla.

Do small things with great love. (Mother Teresa)


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *just_lily*
> 
> "Do what makes you least crazy.
> 
> ...


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Oh, how could I forget one of my favorites, coined by a fellow parent at summer camp pick-up:

"A filthy kid is a happy kid!"


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## AbbieB (Mar 21, 2006)

From LLL, "People first."

"Yes." My mom started calling our home "the yes house" since I try to use the word yes more than no. It stuck. I have the word yes next to my front door in metal letters.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

'Raise the child I have, not the one I expected.' In other words, respond to the human being in front of me, not some idea of a child garnered from other people's children, my own memories, or child-raising books.


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## fairejour (Apr 15, 2004)

"Being a child should never hurt".


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## AFWife (Aug 30, 2008)

*Proverbs 15:1 (NCV) A gentle answer will calm a person's anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger.*


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## transylvania_mom (Oct 8, 2006)

connection before correction


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## puffingirl (Nov 2, 2006)

Have compassion--we are all doing the best we can at this moment.

And from my dad: It's a marathon. Pace yourself.


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## maddymama (Jan 5, 2008)

Love this thread! Here vis mine... it's gotten me through a rough fall....

from Tiffany Wilson at the 2007 It's My Life conference:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass,

It's about dancing in the rain."


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## Lillitu (Jan 19, 2009)

Right now, because my son is so young, I have a motto something like this: "Be the spirit of adventure!" I am sure once he is too adventurous it will change!


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## McGucks (Nov 27, 2010)

My older son is 15. When he was pre-K, I thought, "What do I really want for him in life?" The three things I got to were that he be happy, healthy, and kind. When he brings home a D on a report card, is going out with a girl I don't care for, or some other thing that I'm not thrilled with, I try to remember those three things. Of course, I also (sort of) joke that I hope he graduates high school without a probation officer or a paternity suit...so far, so good.


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## tjlucca (Jun 16, 2008)

This is a great thread!







.

Here is mine: Everything gets better with an open heart. Always.


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## texasfarmom (Sep 24, 2009)

"There is nothing they don't grow out of."

I was told this by a lady at church who was told this by her father.


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## emaye_to_2 (Jan 16, 2008)

My personal/parenting motto this year has been to "Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before trying to help others". Just as in flying, you can't help someone else if you're not ready yourself. If you don't take care of YOU first, you'll have less to share with the world.

My children turned four and seven this year so I feel like I'm moving into a new phase of parenting. I'm trying to remember to take care of myself in all of the mess/business of life and how that is an important gift to the children as well. Self-care is not selfish.


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *emaye_to_2*
> 
> My personal/parenting motto this year has been to "Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before trying to help others". Just as in flying, you can't help someone else if you're not ready yourself. If you don't take care of YOU first, you'll have less to share with the world.
> 
> My children turned four and seven this year so I feel like I'm moving into a new phase of parenting. I'm trying to remember to take care of myself in all of the mess/business of life and how that is an important gift to the children as well. Self-care is not selfish.


Absolutely true!


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## mom22girls (May 5, 2005)

I sing, "Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this mama said..."


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## OldFashionedGirl (Mar 22, 2004)

I have to say, "This, too, shall pass," always pissed me off, especially when my kids were newborns. It didn't help me in the middle of the night when my baby was screaming bloody murder for no reason. I know it's helpful for other people, but it wasn't for me.

I guess my "motto" is, "This could be the last." I once read a story in one of those silly Chicken Soup for the Soul books, this one for new mothers. The author talks about how you have these baby books for all a baby's firsts, but what there should really be is a way to documents the lasts....the last bottle, the last diaper, the last time you carry them, the last time you kiss their owie, etc... And somehow, that DID help me during the middle of the night feedings. And when my now four-year old son asks me to hold him in church, I bite back the temptation to say, "You're too heavy;" or when he wants to sit on my lap while I read, I always say yes, even though he makes it impossible to actually read....because I remember that all too soon he really WILL be too big to hold, and won't WANT to sit on my lap any more...that one of these days, it will be "the last."

It sounds silly, but it's really helped me a lot.


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## camracrazy (May 27, 2006)

My cousin is 40 and still acts the same.... maybe he's a late bloomer? 

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *texasfarmom*
> 
> "There is nothing they don't grow out of."
> 
> I was told this by a lady at church who was told this by her father.


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## journeymom (Apr 2, 2002)

Love them unconditionally.

Seems like it shouldn't have to be said, right? But this idea was a revelation when we had our first child. I've made it my mission to let them know I love them without conditions.


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## MovnMama (Jul 3, 2009)

Say "yes" as often as possible.

This really strikes me, just because it makes "no" really mean something, and demonstrates not just passivity or blanket allowance of unsafe things, but more not trying to "hold your ground" when it really doesn't matter a whit!


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## mimi_mommy (Apr 28, 2010)

J.O.Y

Jesus first

Others Second

Yourself last

Plus lead with love and example since our kids always mirror our habits and tendencies


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## cappuccinosmom (Dec 28, 2003)

"This too, shall pass".

Got that one from my parents.


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## amychristine (Oct 28, 2009)

The peace within becomes the harmony without.

When I'm clear, calm, peaceful, present ... everything goes smoothly.


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## amychristine (Oct 28, 2009)

That's beautiful. I imagine it allows you to go within and see where Jesus is leading you with the children. Thanks for sharing.

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mimi_mommy*
> 
> J.O.Y
> 
> ...


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## septmommy (Dec 21, 2003)

"My goal is not to raise well behaved children, but well adjusted adults."


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## nicolerenee515 (Jun 24, 2010)

"Look for the bare necessities."


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## mimi_mommy (Apr 28, 2010)

Hey just wanted to say thanks for the comment...I just had one of those days where I feel I got my butt kicked...the encouragement was very uplifting!


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## *bejeweled* (Jul 16, 2003)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *nicolerenee515*
> 
> "Look for the bare necessities."


I like this. Does it mean to break things down to its simplest component?


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## septmama (Aug 5, 2010)

"my child, my choice"

it seems like we've gone against the grain on every decision...when we had our baby, what i ate while pregnant, how i birthed, vax, what i let her eat, watch, hear, and soon, school. i'm not try9ing to be difficult, but i have carefully read, researched, weighed out and thought through every big decision we make. i'm sticking to it. all the naysayers had their own chance to feed their newborns ice cream and spoil their kids with all the "in" toys..it's my turn now and i get to do it how i want to.


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## amychristine (Oct 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mimi_mommy*
> 
> Hey just wanted to say thanks for the comment...I just had one of those days where I feel I got my butt kicked...the encouragement was very uplifting!


Thank you for sharing it!


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## gypsy86 (Jun 22, 2008)

this from my mom when dealing with a tantrum throwing toddler... "i'm bigger than you, you are not going to win" not meaning that children have no rights, but more that, if its time to go and you need shoes on, its going to happen even if its not with total cooperation. also meaninging "you cant always get what you want"

and my daddy "no, its not fair, and its not a circus either"

and what i have learned with an almost 2 yr old "don't give up" try again in 5 minutes, or tomorrow or next week, but just because she's still sleeping in my bed tonight doesn't mean she'll be there when she's 12. just because her diaper is wet again doesnt negate that she pooped in the potty earlier, its always progress!

and- i do not believe in clean children. they don't exist. and the ones that are clean are a combination of accident and unhappiness, so just let her be a little dirty all the time, and a lot dirty when needed.


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## StoriesInTheSoil (May 8, 2008)

The line from that poem- "Babies don't keep" is in my head a lot right now as I try to let go of my expectations of what things *should* be like currently.

I've gotten great things from this thread, thank you for starting it DeerMother! I am going to work on putting "people first" and making sure that I try to "connect before I correct." I'm also going to try to get back to the "yes" and away from the "no" that developed as DS got older and I got cranky during my second pregnancy.


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## Lizbiz (Jun 15, 2008)

"Forget the dishes, they'll still be there tomorrow - let's play trucks." That's my motto just now.

I'm really deeply aware of how fleeting childhood is these days for some reason and I just want to eat up every moment. I clearly need more babies, LOL!

My other current motto: "Love with all your heart today. Today is all you have." My sister emailed that to me from across the world recently after having lost her beloved mother-in-law unexpectedly. It struck a chord. We can't control how many days we have left, but we can give our all to today.

Nice thread!


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## brackin (Sep 19, 2005)

This poem, by Malvina Reynolds:

I wish you were here to get underfoot;

I wish you were here to get in the way;

To call me from work;

To call me to play;

I wish you were here again.

What was I doing that had to be done?

And what was I reading that had to be read?

When I could have turned to watch you, instead.

I wish you were here again.

Also, I think to myself, hundreds of times daily, "Does it really matter?" As in, does it matter that he's running circles around the kitchen, screaming in delight, while I'm cooking? Most often, it doesn't. If it doesn't matter, I don't stop it.


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## amychristine (Oct 28, 2009)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *Lizbiz*
> 
> My other current motto: "Love with all your heart today. Today is all you have." My sister emailed that to me from across the world recently after having lost her beloved mother-in-law unexpectedly. It struck a chord. We can't control how many days we have left, but we can give our all to today.


Yes! Right now is all we have. That certainly puts parenting in perspective if we let it. Thanks for sharing.


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## LilacRhodes (Sep 2, 2010)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *mom22girls*
> 
> I sing, "Mama said there'd be days like this, there'd be days like this mama said..."


Now that I've seen the marmoset video 



 ~ I can not hear, or even think of that song, without being reminded of the marmosets.

"Marmoset there'd be days like these . . . " way cute.


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## childsplay (Sep 4, 2007)

Quote:


> Originally Posted by *OldFashionedGirl*
> 
> I have to say, "This, too, shall pass," always pissed me off, especially when my kids were newborns. It didn't help me in the middle of the night when my baby was screaming bloody murder for no reason. I know it's helpful for other people, but it wasn't for me.
> 
> ...


This.

I too hated the 'this too shall pass' carp, as it was ALWAYS said to me by a neat, put together parent cradling or leading by the hand a calm, well behaved child, while my kids were shrieking bloody murder in tandem or throwing themselves on the floor in a full out tantrum because some - and I quote- son of a [email protected]#$ knocked his tower over at playgroup, while I'm there with my hair uncombed and my boob not quite put away. So ya, this too shall pass REALLY didn't help me AT ALL.

"This is what liquor's for" was far more helpful to me to be honest. At least then I could kinda laugh and say, darn right, just wait till they go to bed, I'm having a glass...err.... vat of wine!

I love the 'this could be last' though. Have you ever read The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver? When she writes about the youngest, the last child it's just beautiful, very moving.


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## ~Boudicca~ (Sep 7, 2005)

Sometimes, you just have to improvise.


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## Joyster (Oct 26, 2007)

Ours is Us Against Them. It doesn't sound very cozy, but it's our humourous way of dealing with the chaos and our family loves humour.


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