# Why no sex until....



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

after the bleeding stops??

I've always been told this but never given a reason.

Does lochia count as bleeding?? (I don't remember it with T but I do this time...)


----------



## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

It's supposedly because your cervix is still open a bit while you're bleeding and there could be an increased risk of infection.

I usually tell people that if you have the desire to resume intercourse, by all means do so.


----------



## clewal (Nov 20, 2001)

I was told the same thing that pamamidwife said. The NP on my first said my cervix was still open whil I was bleeding. I didn't have to worry about it because my husband wont touch me while I'm bleeding.


----------



## USAmma (Nov 29, 2001)

The placenta comes out and leaves an open wound in your uterus for awhile. There's an increase in infection to that wound if you have sex, take a bath, or other things, in theory at least.

Darshani


----------



## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

I asked my midwife about it, and she said that she advises her clients as pamamidwife does, that it's probably just fine for them to have intercourse as soon as they have the desire to do so. She said that a lot of her clients resume having intercourse before the bleeding stops, and that she's never seen an attendant infection.

I have a question too. How is menstruation comparable to postpartum discharge of lochia? Is infection due to intercourse more likely during menstruation too?


----------



## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

It's different because it's the placental site that offers the risk for infection. If you think about the placenta as being a scab, and once it's off the uterine wall, there is a large site of open blood vessels. However, typically when a woman desires sex again, the constriction of her uterus and these blood vessels are such that the risk of infection is so low.

I think our bodies wouldn't lead us astray. However, if a partner was pushing for sex and a woman didn't feel ready, I'd have a different take on that.


----------



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Oh,







i should have thought of that!!

Pam--I just saw your sr title...You DO help ppl out!! :LOL That is an awesome title!!


----------



## pamamidwife (May 7, 2003)

thanks, mama!


----------



## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by its_our_family_
*Oh,







i should have thought of that!!

Pam--I just saw your sr title...You DO help ppl out!! :LOL That is an awesome title!!*








Am I dumb or what?! The double meaning just hit me!







:


----------



## copslass (Apr 19, 2003)

Oh, I can't believe I didn't get it until it was mentioned here!!!

Pam- Is it even okay that with my 13 month old, it was only 10 DAYS?! Intact perineum, and we felt SO in love after birthing our little one that we just couldn't help ourselves! It was *very, very gentle, though.


----------



## Phoebe (Jun 12, 2003)

I just have something stupid to add...

My best friend who is studying as a Certified Nurses Assistant and sometimes working in labor and delivery was told by SOMEONE







: that the reason women are told to wait at least 6 weeks to have sex is that if it is too soon, a blood clot can be sent from the uterus to the brain and cause an annurism (sp?). She said that it's not totally uncommon for a man to persude his wife to have sex too soon and then he wakes up next to her dead body the next morning.

I've known her since 3rd grade and I love her dearly but she has been known to say some pretty stupid s%*t!








She is very matter of fact when she tells me this and I don't care to argue with her.

Anybody else heard this rediculousness??

Amy


----------



## Golden (Mar 15, 2002)

Here is another take on it, and I'm not sure how valid this is;
when someone is going through the process of artificial insemination and using fresh sperm (unwashed, simple ejaculate in a cup), you DO NOT put it through the cervix, even if you had the tubing and skill to do it. If the sperm has been washed in a clinic, they remove the semen, add a fluid and put that through the cervix into the uterus. I asked why this was and they said that semen in the uterus can cause uterine infection. The cervical fluid and closed cervix naturally filters out semen during intercourse, while letting the sperm through to swim through the channels of cervical fluid. My guess is that they suggest waiting 6 weeks for the cervix to close, not just the lochia to stop as an indicator that the placental site has healed, but to prevent semen from getting through a possibly still open cervix.

Sounds plausible I guess. I don't know what to believe.

Golden


----------



## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Phoebe_
*I just have something stupid to add...

My best friend who is studying as a Certified Nurses Assistant and sometimes working in labor and delivery was told by SOMEONE







: that the reason women are told to wait at least 6 weeks to have sex is that if it is too soon, a blood clot can be sent from the uterus to the brain and cause an annurism (sp?). She said that it's not totally uncommon for a man to persude his wife to have sex too soon and then he wakes up next to her dead body the next morning.

I've known her since 3rd grade and I love her dearly but she has been known to say some pretty stupid s%*t!








She is very matter of fact when she tells me this and I don't care to argue with her.

Anybody else heard this rediculousness??

Amy*
Actually, I do not know what it is called but I have heard of something similar. I was thinking it was something about air getting into blood vessels or something though because the birth canal/uterus are not healed. Anyone?


----------



## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

Pam, so the lochia is directly from those open blood vessels? I assumed that the blood vessels would seal up fairly quickly, and the lochia was just the sloughing of the rest of the uterine lining, as in menstruation. Is that just totally wrong?

Also, how long before the cervix closes up? Certainly not six weeks?! Does it have to stay open to admit passage of the lochia? If so, must the cervix be open during menstruation as well? If Golden's sources are correct, that would mean that intercourse during menstruation should be avoided, since semen could infect the uterus.

Phoebe, I hadn't heard that before, but it does sound far-fetched, doesn't it. "It's not uncommon"? I've _never_ heard of a woman dying from having sex too soon after birth. Anybody else?







: :LOL


----------



## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

Quote:

_Originally posted by busybusymomma_
*Actually, I do not know what it is called but I have heard of something similar. I was thinking it was something about air getting into blood vessels or something though because the birth canal/uterus are not healed. Anyone?*
I have heard that you shouldn't have oral sex during late pregnancy because the air can get in through the cervix which can cause an embolism? I don't know how much truth there is to this, though, and how much of it is just urban myth.


----------



## Phoebe (Jun 12, 2003)

I called it rediculousness but maybe there is some truth to it. My friend tends to misinterpret things and retell them very sensationalistically.

Quote:

I have heard that you shouldn't have oral sex during late pregnancy because the air can get in through the cervix which can cause an embolism? I don't know how much truth there is to this, though, and how much of it is just urban myth.
Huh? Oral sex? How can ORAL sex pass air through your cervix? Oh, duh. I just realized that oral sex can be performed on women too :LOL Ok, yes, it's been a while! This is just sad. :LOL That could possible make sense then. I think I remember my friend saying something about air pushing the blood clot into the brain.

Kind of fun to hear all of this!


----------



## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

"Is it even okay that with my 13 month old, it was only 10 DAYS?! Intact perineum, and we felt SO in love after birthing our little one that we just couldn't help ourselves!"

All three times, I've had intercourse at a week postpartum. With all the hormonal changes and tumultuous emotions, it was a very healing thing for me to connect with my husband in that way. not to say that it was an intellectual choice I made, like, "oh, I am feeling emotional upheaval, I'd better have sex," but rather a very strong desire.


----------



## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

I hear oral sex is OK as long as your dh doesn't blow air into the vagina. (Why would anyone do that anyway?)

I've read that if a woman has a c/s, she is only told she has to wait 4 weeks. Why is that? Wouldn't the placental site be the same? I'd think she would have to wait even longer, just to make sure everything healed up.

I tried at 3 days postpartum but there was just no way. I had internal tears and it just hurt too much. We finally had success at 2.5 weeks, even with stitches still in. I'm sure that with this birth we won't have to wait that long. When I went for my 6-week checkup the doctor just asked if I had been able to have intercourse, and I told her I did. She didn't yell at me or anything; she must know that no one wants to wait 6 weeks.

I've never heard of the aneurism thing!







:


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

Personally, I had no desire before my lochia stopped entirely... of course, my son was still in NICU at that point (my lochia stopped in about 4 days) and niether Mike nor I was in any kind of mood to think about sex.. all we could think about was getting our son home. Even after the bleeding stopped, I wasn't interested until about 8 weeks pp, mostly because I was afraid of getting pregnant again, and at the time I swore that all of Eli's future siblings would be adopted. :LOL I waited until I could get fitted for a new diaphragm before I would even consider sex, and that was 8 weeks. I don't remember when I first wanted to on my own.. probably the next time I ovulated, less than a week later.







:

My mother had sex before her lochia stopped with me. She developed PID and got pregnant with my brother.

So, for me the possibility of pregnancy is the number one reason not to have sex until at least after the bleeding & dripping (I don't think there was any blood at all after the first two days...) stops. I don't know how I'll feel this time, but I do know that I don't want to get pregnant with a 19 month old and a newborn, kwim?


----------



## lollaleeloo (Jan 29, 2003)

Quote:

I've read that if a woman has a c/s, she is only told she has to wait 4 weeks. Why is that? Wouldn't the placental site be the same? I'd think she would have to wait even longer, just to make sure everything healed up.
I think you may have that backwards, Greaseball. With a surgical birth, they add 2 weeks, not subtract. When I had my c-section, they told me 8 weeks due to the incision. with my v-bac, it was only 6. Each time, dh circled the date and x'ed out each day till "v-day", the big dork.


----------



## its_our_family (Sep 8, 2002)

Quote:

_Originally posted by Greaseball_
*I hear oral sex is OK as long as your dh doesn't blow air into the vagina. (Why would anyone do that anyway?)

I've read that if a woman has a c/s, she is only told she has to wait 4 weeks. Why is that? Wouldn't the placental site be the same? I'd think she would have to wait even longer, just to make sure everything healed up.
*
With both of my c/bs they said 6 weeks. With this babe we only waited 3. The bleeding had stopped and I felt really good. Your incision is normally closed within 1.5 weeks you just have to be careful. Funny thing is that it still hurts like heck! Its weird, I didn't have much dilation this time at all and no labor but it hurt like it did with Tracy and with him I labored for 16 hours and dilated to 3cm.

What causes it to hurt??

As for the air and oral sex...I agree....who would want air blown into their vagina?? That just sounds weird...


----------



## firefly (Jun 2, 2002)

I appreciate this post. With my son I bled for over six weeks. My partner and I did not have sex until my ds was six months old.
We tried several times before that, but the pain was unreal. I really don't want that to happen again-I had thought that was the norm. This post has inspired me to speak to my new midwife. I'm now curious why I bled so much for so long.


----------



## Anna Trueblood (Jul 11, 2002)

Count me as another who went months before having sex. I was just really dry from the nursing and I've never been well lubed. A friend of mine who is a sex educator recommended silicone based lube and I cannot praise it highly enough. My doctor had recommended estrogen cream, but it made my supply drop sharply. Then she recommended counselling, which was not necessary-- I did fine during non-penetrative acts but I was just sahara-like. You can find Wet brand silicone based lube at www.good-vibes.com .


----------



## Greaseball (Feb 1, 2002)

Why is estrogen cream often recommended? Wouldn't something like Astroglide work?


----------



## Anna Trueblood (Jul 11, 2002)

Estrogen was recommended because I had some atrophy in my vagina- despite bajillions of kegels. And I was just bone dry. Now previously, I was usually pretty dry, and we used Astroglide, which I love. But that wasn't cutting it anymore.


----------



## copslass (Apr 19, 2003)

Seems to be a common problem in US, with the high percentage of circ'd men in the childbearing age range.

I wonder if women whose partners are intact have these problems with dryness? Anyone?


----------



## Anna Trueblood (Jul 11, 2002)

Considering that I have the same problem when masturbating, I don't think it's related to the state of dh's penis.


----------



## cottonwood (Nov 20, 2001)

I think she meant not that the state of your husband's penis might be _causing_ the dryness, but that dryness isn't as much of a problem during intercourse when there is a foreskin involved, because the foreskin reduces friction. Or at least that is what I hear, personally I'll never know.


----------



## Anna Trueblood (Jul 11, 2002)

I didn't think she meant that at all. I assumed that she meant that an uncut penis would be more likely to retain the pre-ejaculate lubrication. Which I'm sure it is, however, IME with nursing hormones a few drops of precum aren't enough. I was producing zero vaginal moistness, and no cervical mucous. My tissues were so dry that I tore myself while washing in the tub more than once. (this is probably a good place for that jaw dropper emoticon!) For some women, the hormones that come with nursing not only suppress ovulation and menses, but also pretty much shut down the libido. It can happen, and it takes a lot of communication with your partner to make it through the demands of a newborn without the bonding "glue" of physical intimacy.


----------



## sahli29 (Jan 23, 2004)

//


----------



## girliemama (Nov 6, 2002)

Nobody wants to wait six weeks? Honey, the first time, my hormones hit bottom and I had no interest. Not to mention the sleep deprivation and the constant attachment of another human being on me. I would have loved a time when I could NOT be touched! Besides the fact that if my daughter had given me enough time to have sex, I'd have used it to take a nap. It was a year before we had sex again, and it went slowly. It wasn't as bad with number two, but it was months before I felt healed down below. I had only the tiniest perineal tear, but I also had a small clitoral tear, and believe me, that doesn't FEEL small at all! Bless all your horny little hearts! All I can say is after this little one emerges, have one for me, OK?


----------



## eilonwy (Apr 3, 2003)

I'm with you girliemamma; though my issue wasn't hormonal, I definately was not into sex at 6 weeks pp. We waited until 8 weeks, and after that it was almost another month before I wanted to try again.


----------

