# Egg Donation; Would you do it? Why or Why Not?



## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Our journey to have a baby was a long and painful one. While I was a patient at the fertility clinic (we were seen for recurrent miscarriage) I decided that once we finally had our baby I would like to do something to help someone else. I had never had any trouble conceiving and thought perhaps I would donate some of my eggs. I asked briefly about it at the time and the nurse told me they actually pay really well for egg donation (like $5000) Anyway, the Canadian government has now made it illegal to pay for eggs, sperm or surrogacy. As a result there is presently a significant shortage of doner eggs. I have a client who I know very well and they used doner eggs to have their first child. They desperatly want another now but because of these new Canadian laws they are on a wait list for available eggs. Their only other option is to go to the States to do this, but their insurance will not cover anything then and they'd ultimately be looking at around $20 000.
After this conversation I thought again about my desire to give something back to the world of infertility. I strongly believe that any couple who wants a child should be able to have one. I could not ever be a surrogate-firstly because I suffer recurrent miscarriage, but secondly, I just don't think I could carry the baby and then give it up. I have such respect and love for someone who can, but I'm not that strong, about all I could really do is be an egg doner. At first I figured I could offer to donate to my client--but then I suddenly got a sick feeling about knowing that THEIR child was biologically mine and not having a say in his/her upbringing. So I think I would have to just donate and not know who received my eggs.

So, I'm wondering, would you do it? If you wouldn't, why?? I'm having trouble thinking of the negatives (other than the pain involved with harvesting and the hormonal hurricaine) The one thing at the back of my mind is whether I'd walk around looking at children and wondering if they were mine--know what I mean??

Has anyone done it? Are you willing to share your experience?

Mods, I'm not sure if this is the right place but I couldn't figure out a better place--I'm not infertile, nor am I pregnant, or TTC, etc, etc. If it should be elsewhere, please move and accept my apoligies.


----------



## darkstar (Sep 8, 2003)

You know I have always thought about donating my eggs. When I am really broke, the thought comes to mind







. I had a friend that did this when she was younger and she says since then she just hasent been the same, hormonally. Although I think that it is awsome that technology is so vast. It seems like they must have to pump you full of crazy stuff to get you to ovulate that much. So not sure if it is too healty for you the donnor.








darkstar


----------



## FoxintheSnow (May 11, 2004)

I wouldn't do it. I would rather someone adopt a child with no home if they couldnt conceive a baby. I had a roommate who was seriously going to do it but decided against it at the last minute after hearing horror stories from other patients.


----------



## Simply Nurtured (Nov 6, 2004)

I would not...

But I would be a surrogate with someone else's egg. I have always thought that was a wonderful gift. I would not do it for money, but for someone who was close to me...


----------



## kama'aina mama (Nov 19, 2001)

I was on a list to do it about ten years ago. I would have been happy to do it. I think I'm too old now.


----------



## shannon0218 (Oct 10, 2003)

Yeah, you have to endure at least one cycle on some type of super clomid :LOL I think that will be rough--but so is not being able to have a child. I'm figuring if I were to do it soon, with having just been pregnant, I'll likely never be the same as I was already-so if I don't wait for my new "normal" I wouldn't feel that aspect (hmm, that doesn't even make sense to me--but I'm horribly sleep deprived!)
I was shocked when I heard how much they used to pay for egg donation, now that they don't pay, I almost want to do it more because without the money incentive, obviously they have a hard time getting people to donate.
Perhaps i should wait until a time when I can get more than 5 hrs sleep at any one given time to decide this. Dh says my body, my choice and he'll do whatever I need him to do.


----------



## polka123 (Nov 27, 2003)

Yes, I would have donated when I was younger but I don't think they would want my "old lady" eggs :LOL

I'd be willing to take donated eggs also.

I watched a special on Discovery or something like that about 5-7 yrs ago about the journey for a donator & a donatee and the baby that was conceived as a result.
it was a great show!


----------



## chersolly (Aug 29, 2004)

I have an ex-friend who donated her eggs to help pay her tuition years ago. She once confided in me that she thinks about the "baby she gave up" every single night now that she has children of her own, crying herself to sleep somenights. She very much regrets the donation and looks forward to the day that her child contacts her.


----------



## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

I researched it when I was really broke, too. But decided that I couldn't go through with it. I stopped using birth control pills four years ago because I realized how bad the artificial hormones where. I just couldn't pump my body full of that junk anymore. I feel that there are plenty of babies out there who need a loving home. Aside from messing with my hormones, I would always be on the lookout for my biological child...


----------



## twindaze (Aug 13, 2002)

I couldn't do it because I'd always think about my theoretical child. It's the same reason I can't bring myself to donate any of my embryos from my IVF (all of my children are from one IVF harvest cycle.)

However, if you are nursing you probably can't do it anyway. I know that my docs required you to wean before doing an IVF cycle.

As far as it messing up your hormones, it didn't do that for me or anyone else I know. It messes them up while you're going through it of course, but all went back to (ab)normal afterwards. I have PCOS so don't have cycles if I'm not medicated.


----------



## Kleine Hexe (Dec 2, 2001)

Couldn't do it. My genes = my kid.


----------



## Almamiel (Dec 24, 2002)

Have thought about it - interested to see if there will be any more positive responses...


----------



## Wabi Sabi (Dec 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *chersolly*
I have an ex-friend who donated her eggs to help pay her tuition years ago. She once confided in me that she thinks about the "baby she gave up" every single night now that she has children of her own, crying herself to sleep somenights. She very much regrets the donation and looks forward to the day that her child contacts her.

I did the exact same thing- donated eggs when I was in college to help pay for tuition. To be more specific, I did it three times.

However, that is where the similarities in our stories end. I have never once regretted it. I am still in touch with one of the families who now has triplets and I have never once considered them babies "that I gave up." I don't see them as "mine" at all and I'm thrilled that I was able to help out a wonderful couple with their lifelong dream. (And for whatever its worth, they were unable to adopt due to the fact that they are not married although they've been together for over 25 years plus their age.)

For me personally, the process was fairly easy and painless. I do not have any horror stories about the fertility medicines that I received nor did I think that the egg retrieval process was traumatic whatsoever. Again, I can only speak from my experience.

Even though I have had very positive experiences, I wouldn't do it again unless it were under exceptional circumstances. I'm just past that point in my life right now.

Shannon, feel free to PM me if you want to know more about the process or anything else. I really think it is extraordinarily kind of you to want to help out another family experiencing infertility.


----------



## Ellien C (Aug 19, 2004)

I tried to donate eggs to my sister. At the time I was 28 and she was 40. In the end it didn't work out. I didn't have enough mature eggs for them to harvest any. We talked about a lot of things ahead of time. Like if there were zygotes and later she and partner split up we would want the zygotes destroyed. I was willing to donate eggs to my sister and her partner, but I didn't want the partner to have the zygotes or anything. I would have thought of the child as my special neice or nephew. I don't think I would have thought of it as mine. But I also would have expected my sister to acknowledge the special bond between me and her child - I would have expected to be named god mother or something and I would have been there for the birth. In the end, my sister and her partner were able to conceive a child 2 years later all on their own!

If she had had trouble carrying a baby, I also would have done that for her. This is what you do for your sister.

The current state of surrogacy in the US is to implant the woman's womb with a fertilized egg from a DIFFERENT woman. I think this helps the gestational woman to not feel so much like she is carrying her own baby. Those of us in our 30's and older will no doubt remember the case of baby M and Maribeth Whitehead. Basically the gestational mother didn't want to give us the child she was carrying.

I've also read some accounts of egg donors. The one that most stands out was a happily married SAHM to 3 children. Quite stable and certainly didn't need any money. She felt like her own children had always been healthy - I think she felt like she had "good stock" and really wanted to share the joy of having children with someone who couldn't.

Can we talk about the ways egg donation is different than sperm donation? Certainly the procedure is WAY more invasive and the outcome more specific. What else do people think?


----------



## MsMoMpls (Oct 22, 2002)

I did it about 8 years ago- when my eggs were still fairly fresh. I did it because two of my sisters are infertile and there is a lot of adoption in my family so I felt pretty confortable with the idea. The money helped I admit.

I do think about my kids... there were a lot of eggs- over 10 from one harvest. I feel pretty good about my decision. Funny how my DNA doesn't feel like my kids the way the ones I raised do. Or even my foster baby.

Here is something to think about though. The hormones are horrible. I would never recommend it to anyone and would never do it again. They messed me up something awfull and the doctors felt no responsiblity. I think I was treated like a egg producer, not a person. They denied that the symptoms which occured days after the harvest could have anything to do with the procedure or drugs. Those drugs are not safe. So many women, who want so much to have a baby will agree to drugs out of desperation. I should have done a great deal more research. No long term effects but it took my body a long time to recover... and I put on a ton of weight, thank you very much. Just another thing to consider.


----------



## AugustLia23 (Mar 18, 2004)

No I wouldn't do it, but I am seriously considering being a surrogate, but only if I used donor eggs. I couldn't give away any of my own eggs/children.


----------



## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

If I didn't ovulate SAND...I would think about it. But since my eggs are shaping up to be no good...









I think that it is a wonderful way to help someone out - surrogacy too!

It would be wonderful if everyone could get over that desire to actually be pregnant and adopt. But unfortunately, a lot of women actually WANT to be pregnant and give birth. Adoption is awesome, wonderful, amazing - but it doesn't let you go through pregnancy and birth. SO yeah, everyone who can't conceive just adopting is a great solution, if you dont' take into account anyone's feelings about being pregnant.

So yeah, if I could donate eggs and help someone else who is at my point in the infertility journey to get a baby. HELL YES I would!









Yes the drugs suck butt. I will agree about that. But I am gonna have to be on the anyway to try to get pregnant....soooo...not so much of an issue. I think that women should be informed prior to doing it about the horrid side effects and such.

But this is all different sides of the same coin....you know? Right to your own reproductive system means the right to your own reproductive system. Period. It doesn't mean you have a right to it only when you become pregnant naturally, or only when you want to terminate a pregnancy, or when you want to use ART to get pregnant. It means all of it. So, I am for what ever choice a woman makes that she feels is best for her.









Please remember when you throw out idle comments about what someone "should" do...that there are people going through infertility who have a rough time making these huge decisions. That they actually are people who have the same wants and needs that everyone does when it comes to making a family. And a blanket response is not conducive to real dialog, or to real understanding.


----------



## lupineperriwinkle (May 15, 2004)

I donated my eggs to a couple I met online. I had read an article in the local paper a few years ago about how long people have to wait for a donor and so I started to look into it. The way the local university hospital sets this waiting list up is a bit nutty. While I was surfing the boards one day an ad caught my eye, the couple lived in the next state and it just felt right. I look vey much like the mother, we have similar personalities, etc.
My husband is adopted and I think that my MIL has regrets that she could not carry a child which is one of the reasons I did it. To me, genetics do not always make a family.
My grandmother was very upset about my choice and thought I should have asked my families "permission". Because of this my sister ended up speaking to her pastor (my sister's pastor that is) and his wife put it like this: you may as well give the eggs away becasue you are flushing one down the toilet once a month anyway. Donating is the most gracious gift of "life" there is.
I have no regrets at all and am pregnant with my second child. The meds were not really difficult but at the the end of the cycle it was like a bad PMS trip with emotions (I would cry for no reason at all). But the emotions had nothing to do with the donation. I was required to speak to a counselor as well and all was fine.


----------



## crunchymamatobe (Jul 8, 2004)

I've thought about it.

Only since we moved to the UK, though, where payment for donation is illegal. Something about the idea of fertility treatments only for those who can afford them (i.e. the US model) rubs me the wrong way. The whole idea rubs my partner the wrong way - heebie jeebies about "my baby out there somewhere." I don't see it like that. I see the pain caused by infertility and feel like I should do something to help if I can. Not like I'm using those eggs right now anway.

However, as we get closer to TTC our own children, I won't be doing it any time soon. I don't want to risk after-effects of hormones messing with my own ability to conceive. Maybe after we have our first child I'll consider it again.


----------



## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

No because honestly I would feel that was my (potential) child (actual if it went through)

And I'm very sensitive to meds, chemicals etc., but that would be much less of an issue.


----------



## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

Anyone considering donating her eggs should really do lots of review of the medical literature- there is a condition (I can't remember the specific name) but it is when the ovaries are so stimulated by the extreme hormones you have to take that they enlarge excessively- it can be mild and cause pain but it can be so serious that surgery is necessary. A friend of mine recently did research on this condition for a symposium at my college.

I think it is a wonderful thing to do theoretically- if it was so simple as donating blood or something- but you are the one who has to deal with any health problems being exposed to such extremes in hormones will cause. I will do whatever I can to help people out but I won't mess with my body that way for anyone- I won't even take the Pill because I am scared to death at what those hormones will do- I was diagnosed with pre cancerous cells a while back.

If only it were as easy as sperm donation


----------



## BeeandOwlsMum (Jul 11, 2002)

Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome - OHSS - is a risk on any fertility drug - more of a risk on injectables. There are risks with anything.


----------



## broodymama (May 3, 2004)

Could someone who has donated PM me with the details? Are there usually waiting lists for people to get the eggs? I have a good friend who is going to try IVF with donor eggs. I don't know how long it takes to find a donor, and I am considering offering to be a donor for her.


----------

