# Monkey Backpack Tether... I'm seriously considering it for DD



## eastkygal (Feb 19, 2006)

I'm sure you've seen the monkey backpacks on kids that Target sells for $10. They definitely seemed to be a gentle version of "leashing" toddlers. I'm really considering one for DD. She's at that stage where she isn't content in the buggy. She'd like to walk around, and I would like for her to. However, she runs away and then hides from us. She did this in the grocery store the other day and really scared us. We had even prepped her for it by talking with her. She doesn't run in the parking lot because cars can give her an ouch. How do I make her understand that someone could take her from us? I don't think I can make her understand that. She's just 2. She is also getting to where she won't hold my hand. It is getting too hard to carry her to the car and things when my hands are full of bags or other things to carry. Would getting one of those tethers be a good idea until she learns to stay close to us, or is it all bad?


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## ann_of_loxley (Sep 21, 2007)

I hate them.
Oh for a number of reasons. I dont want to slag other mums off though who use them but for me - its about what I have seen. My child is not a 'dog' and that is exaclty how I have seen them used...dragging your child all over the place. I also think its easy to let them (the lead) take the responsibility and you can forget (at least I feel) about also teaching your child how to behave properly in the process.
I have gone back to the buggy. Stay near me, or sit in the buggy. Either way he would be unhappy (read my shopping centre thread lol)...I also know what he would do with one of those...he would just lay on the floor crying and not move (as when I try and hold his hand!)...He likes his freedoms but needs to know his boundaries. He can have his freedoms if he keeps within his boundaries (not expecting much from him! - the same thing I expect from myself!) - or he can sit in the buggy!
I know she say she isnt content in the buggy ( my ds himself hates the buggy - we mostly use a sling!) - but you woudl just sit here there if she steps outside of her boundary (as in running off which isnt appropriate and dangerous - which of course you can explain to her - they dont know the dangers of the world yet!)...and then when she wasnt 'out'...you can tell her what the 'rules' are, what her boundaries are...and try again...
Actually we did this when my ds first started to walk to walk everywhere. Until he learned to not run off. It meant putting him in and out continuously until he got it and it 'stuck'. It lasted....6 months. I think hes 'forgot' so we are going to give it another go! lol


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## cyndimo (Jul 20, 2005)

My 2yo DS LOVES his teddy bear backpack!
I was also concerned about using a baby leash, but as you point out, he won't sit in the stroller and wriggles away from holding my hand. The backpack gives him freedom, but keeps him close to me. We got ours for a trip to Washington, DC, knowing that we'd be wandering around museums, etc and he wouldn't want to be so confined. Since then, we use is around town a little bit too. DS isn't as good as your daughter about staing away from the street or parking lots.








His reaction to the backpack has totally changed my feelings about it! He asks for it, cuddles it when not wearing it and is totally cooperative about getting into it (not typical for him!)
I don't know how GD or AP it is, but it's a total life-saver for us.


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

There's a TON of threads about this. We have the bear, it's literally a life saver. Literally, has saved my son's life.

I like it for getting my ds2 in and out of the car. Either I put him on my back and THEN try to bend in and unbuckle ds1, or I try to hold onto ds1 in the parking lot and fanagle ds2 into the Ergo. Or he puts on the backpack and stands happily with his hand on the car while I put ds2 in the Ergo. And when he sees a pigeon and forgets to stand quietly, the Escalade going 25 mph doesn't kill him.


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## kikidee (Apr 15, 2007)

I always used to think that these were horrible. Just horrible. "A leash for your child" and all that.

And then I had a toddler.









Last time I traveled, I got one for the airport. I ended up not needing it, but I don't regret buying it. I have seen lots of happy kids wearing them, not looking like they are leashed or trapped or being dragged around. I think if you use it in a loving way as a tool to help keep your child safe, then that is fine.

That is my opinion.


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## ar2974 (Nov 19, 2006)

I will be getting one (or some sort of harness) for the airport at Christmas. I don't plan to use to to drag dd around or tie her to a chair leg or anything, but I know it was so hard when I last travelled with her and had to go through security and they insisted that I take her out of the sling, take off our shoes, open my diaper bag etc. She was just crawling then and I had to sit her down for a second on the ground and she sped off. I don't expect the airport process to be any easier with a walking and running toddler and I would rather be safe than sorry. I don't feel that using a harness, when necessary, to keep dd safe is treating her like a dog anymore than using window guards on my apartment windows in case she climbs out is treating her like a prisoner. In both cases they are just safeguards just in case.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

I used to think these were horrible.

But my friend's twin boys (2.5 years old) LOVE theirs. Their parents don't use it as a leash anymore than holding the kids' hands is a leash. Half the time the boys are holding the ends of each other's backpacks, anyway









Provided you don't jerk the kids around by it, I don't see a problem. Toddler tries to run away, can't because they're tethered to you by the backpack, you grab them and hold their hand or put them in the stroller or the grocery cart or whatever. It just eliminates the chasing part of the equation.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

Well I am seriously thinking of getting one as dd has reached the point where I do not feel comfortable being out alone with her.. she is just that fast. She is 29 mos and I have a hernia so slinging is out of the question. Just the other day we braved the mall and it was scary how fast she was moving, refused to be in the stroller, refuses to hold hands.

With my eldest he was a calm enough child that he was fine holding my hand but not dd, prior to dd I may have said no bad idea. But when you have the kid that you literally cannot take your eye or hand off for a second because they will dart, you do what you need to do to keep them safe.

I am thinking it would be better to get get the tether pack and feel like we can go out than to only be able to head out when dh is available.

Shay


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Our harness was a lifesaver when my DS was a small toddler.

He desparately wanted to use his hands to explore the world, not hang onto me. Plus, DH and I are both very tall, so handholding was a long reach up for him and down for us.

With the harness, we could hold his "virtual hand" while he happily carried a stick in one hand and a pinecone in the other. He could carry his treasures and we could keep him safe.

I love how no one ever thinks that strapping a baby to a board with wheels is "cruel," "dehumanizing" or "treating your child like an animal." Apparently a 5point harness that costs hundreds and has a cupholder is somehow less soul-damaging than a 5-point harness that lets a child walk, excercise, and explore?

Anyway, we never used it like a leash to yank. It worked like holding a hand, which yes, meant sometimes he'd pull to the end of it, but at that point we'd lean down and pick him up, or redirect, or whatever. But he went through a stage when he would NOT hold hands, would go limp if you told him he had to hold hands, would drop to the ground in scorching parking lots or on sharp shale gravel. So - harness. Worked for us.


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## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

We went to Europe for two weeks in Sept and the harness was fabulous for a 2y/o. Remember two things: 1) This is a safety issue; 2) It's usually not the kids who have a problem with it, it's the parents. The kids don't feel like a dog on a leash. My daughter felt safe and secure -- attached to her parents in strange and busy places yet free to move about.


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## laoxinat (Sep 17, 2007)

I too was a mama who was horrified by them....and THEN I had DS LOL!!! When we went to Disneyland, it absolutely saved our trip. He had no problem with it whatsoever and I, well, I didn't crack my teeth from the jaw clenching that might have ensued...
ITA that adults are much more unhappy about these than are kids. I also agree that some kids actually like them, esp. kids who don't tolerate hand-holding well.


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

I am considering one also. I have no problem with them whatsoever if dd is agreeable and happily consents to one.

Tonight we went to a big Christmas town tree lighting thingie and I lost her for about 10 seconds, a stranger stopped her from running away (didn't touch her or anything, just sort of stood in front of her for a split second as I was running up to her frantically.

It was SO terrifying for me those 10 seconds, it was like slow motion.

She does not like the stroller at all, and she doesn't care for holding hands unless we are in a parking lot or crossing a street (she is very agreeable then). I am agreeable to her just staying close to me if it is in a situation where there are not a lot of people -- but in a crowd like tonight, it would have been extremely useful (I lost about 10 years off my life in those 10 seconds!!).


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## Dabble (Jun 14, 2007)

My DS has one, although it hasn't gotten much use. We've used it for a couple walks around the neighborhood, and he has enjoyed that extra range of freedom while we have enjoyed the measure of safety (and it's easier on our backs than crouching to hold his hand!)

I got a couple strange looks, and while I told myself that I didn't care what people thought, I think it really did bother me. I don't want people thinking my child is so wild and out of control that he has to wear a leash. He's a wonderful, adventurous little boy, and I want him to be able to explore and still be safe.

But alas, after the swivel-head staring, we started to work more with him to stay close and hold hands or be carried. Those are his options. It took a lot of tiresome repetition, and it really felt like he was never going to get it. But for the most part he is pretty good about it. We just have the one kiddo right now, so it's easy for us to always have a hand on him in dangerous situations like parking lots.

Right now it's far more cumbersome for us to drag the harness along, and he would be fairly resistant to putting it on, so it's easier for everyone involved to leave it at home.

But it definitely had it's place, and it may again in the future when we have more than one, or if we go somewhere crowded.


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## Breeder (May 28, 2006)

Well, almost anything can be damaging if used incorrectly. You can certainly yank on the harness like a leash, but you can also use a sling and roughly put your toddler in it. Neither is something I could see out of the lady who started this thread.









I used to hate them too, esp since my DS was such a conservative toddler who wouldn't let me outside of a 7 ft radius of him at the park. However like pp have said I had an epiphany in the form of a friend's very very VERY fast son, watching him at the park and having to flat out run as fast as I could to catch him before he got to a street....well I began to think maybe they weren't such a bad idea.

Plus monkeys are cute and it does leave the kiddos hands free (unlike the wrist leash my little sister had in the 80's -although it was rainbow colored which was pretty hip). As long as you use it gently and with love, the harness is a plus not a minus with a runner like yours.


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## tuppence (Feb 18, 2005)

I had a harness leash (as opposed to the wrist strap) when I was a kid in the 70s--it was pink gingham and I loved it.







We have two different leashes for my 2.5 yr old son--the teddy bear one and a sesame street one that's lower profile. He didn't like them when he first tried one, six months or so ago, so we put them away for a while, but he wears them happily now. We do a lot of walking around our very crowded tourist hotspot/college town where there're just too many people on the street to let him wander on his own as he's not find of holding hands unless we're crossing at the corner. If he doesn't want to ride in the stroller, he wears one of the harnesses.

Today he, his grandmother and I, walked grandma's dogs--he wore the red harness and leash while the oldest dog rode in his stroller. That got a lot of looks.


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## alleybcat (Aug 9, 2005)

I was also one of the mom's who thought that harnesses were awful, until I had a toddler.

We were on vacation in DC at the Air and Space Museum. My 18 month old son did not want to hold hands or be held in his ring sling because there was too much to see and do, but it was crowded and a bit scarey to me. Luckily, I realized I could turn the ring sling into a harness and we were set all day. In fact, I did this the whole time we were on vacation whenever we were at a big public place. He never minded and I felt so much more secure.

I just tightened it around his waist with the ring at his back, spread the material out a bit around his front and away we went.


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## SublimeBirthGirl (Sep 9, 2005)

We have one. I don't use it anymore (she's 3.5 though my 2nd is getting to "that" age) but sometims she'll still put it on and want me to "take her for a walk." Of course, she also barks, scratches her head with her foot on occasion, and pretends to sleep on the floor so she digs the puppy analogy.


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## EthanandSydneysMom (Oct 31, 2007)

I didn't use one with my first child, Ethan, because I felt judged for wanting to use one. I was afraid people would look at me like I could not control my child, but thinking about it now, I am sure people would have understood that I just wanted my child safe in this sick, cruel world (that it can be at times). I have already purchased one for my Sydney, just in case I feel the situation is right.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

we have one for ds, its a teddybear one. he likes it depending on his day/mood and how much sensory input he needs. without it he would get hurt or lost, hes just to fast for me, and it also helps provide him sensory input admist confusion.

ds will very very very rarely hold your hand, and hes always hated being worn.


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## BennyPai (Jul 22, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *SublimeBirthGirl* 
We have one. I don't use it anymore (she's 3.5 though my 2nd is getting to "that" age) but sometims she'll still put it on and want me to "take her for a walk." Of course, she also barks, scratches her head with her foot on occasion, and pretends to sleep on the floor so she digs the puppy analogy.









This is what my older dd did! The backpack is a plush dog and she automatically wanted to pretend to be the dog. "Hold my leash, Mommy!" I used to think of the negative comments I'd heard from other parents and not-yet-parents about harnesses and cringed when dd1 did this in public. It saved us from a lot of worry, though. Our younger dd is now 2yo and I am reminded that it's time to locate this wonderful safety product!

ITA with pp's that it is the adults who take issue with "leashes."
Responding to comment on dragging children in a harness: I have also heard of abusive parents dragging their toddlers using their hands - anything can be used in an abusive way if one is so inclined.


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

My child is a HUGE ball of energy, you can ask some of the Iowa mama's that have met my son. He is on the go from sun up till sun down. He does not pemit me to hold him, he will not hold my hand (rarely), he will not sit in a stroller without screaming...

So we got the backpack (ours is the puppy, he picked it out) and he LOVES it. He wears it happily. He likes it on walks, he likes it when we go to the mall, He literally gets giddy when we get out his back pack. He loves it. It keeps him HAPPY and safe. What more could I ask for?


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## NiteNicole (May 19, 2003)

We have the backpack too. I've never seen anyone dragging their child around by it, honestly. Most people (the few times I've seen them) are holding hands with the child and have the backpack as a back up. That's what we do. My kid is a runner and not very good at holding hands or staying close. She wears the backpack and we hold hands, so the backpack is my second line of defense if she darts away and I don't get a hand on her quickly.

If she ever gets better at walking by me without hand holding (right now it's pretty much all running, all the time), we'll probably still use it for a bit as link between us. I did this with the children I used to nanny for. It's like holding hands but she won't have her hand cranked up over her head (must be uncomfortable), will have a greater range of movment (but not much, the tail is not very long so we won't be taking old people out at the knees), and use of both hands.

We played with it at home a lot before taking it out. She wore it. I wore it. The dog wore it.


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## onelilguysmommy (May 11, 2005)

My 2yo has the puppy one, and it doesnt help him much, he throws himself in the floor and screams because he wants to run...

i did the same thing with a rs halloween and we ere about to go, he started freaking out. some lady came and picked hm up telling him some crap about mommy not hurting him anymore, that he could have the candy and coloring book that was the liyyle girls n front of us if he was quiet (wtf?) and told me to let go of the rs tail. i said "NO" quite loudly and firmly and she kept trying to get me to, then she looked at my face and set him down, and i couldnt hear what she said..







:


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## RoadWorkAhead (Sep 8, 2005)

We have one, and used to use it. We've been in a lull with needing it, but a few times recently we've been wanting it again. I'd much rather have it than squished boy when he darts into the street, or stolen boy when he runs top speed away at the store. My dad's wife always throws a fit....I finally said she could do whatever with her kids (She's never had a child), but he was mine to parent and she could take a flying leap.


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## LotusBirthMama (Jun 25, 2005)

I just got the monkey one last night. DS2 is still a little guy but I already know he will be unstoppable once he starts walking. I'm gonna be prepared!


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Oh, and we don't drag James. If anything he drags us! It's like that Marmaduke cartoon.







It took a couple weeks for him to realize that he can't run off like a mad person because he'll reach the end of the teather and come down.


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## ilikethedesert (Feb 4, 2004)

I think there is a time and place. If you need to be in a situation that puts your child at risk and the monkey backpack will keep him or her safe, I think its worth it. You'll likely have to put up with sideways glances, but so be it. As long as they aren't abused and overused I think they are okay.

I never did have one, but it's only because the store was out of them when I went to look. We were visiting the inlaws in Florida and dd2 is very independent and opinionated. Having the monkey leash would have allowed her a little more freedom than she was able to have without it in a place where things were different than we were used to. We couldn't find one, so she spent more time in the stroller or being held squirming, and less time walking which is what she would have preferred.


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## Julian's Momma (Oct 25, 2006)

Don't get your hopes up. Even if you do try it, it may not work for you. I attempted to use one when he started traveling a lot (lot of time in airports, etc). DS screamed at the sight of it. So, we just went back to all of our other creative and diversionary tactics. Good luck!


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## IndyNanny (Sep 20, 2007)

I won't use them. Period. If my kids are too young to understand the need to stay close to me or to be taught to stay safe, then back to the stroller we go.
The only time I did consider using one was when we were going to an amusement park. The idea of vast crowds intimidated me. (We ended up not going - for the better.)
I saw a family using a leader with 2 of their kids. The oldest looked to be like 6 years old, the other was probably about 4yo. I think, in that situation, it was sheer laziness on the adults' parts. (Not saying that about the op)


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## Fuamami (Mar 16, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IndyNanny* 
I won't use them. Period. If my kids are too young to understand the need to stay close to me or to be taught to stay safe, then back to the stroller we go.
The only time I did consider using one was when we were going to an amusement park. The idea of vast crowds intimidated me. (We ended up not going - for the better.)
I saw a family using a leader with 2 of their kids. The oldest looked to be like 6 years old, the other was probably about 4yo. I think, in that situation, it was sheer laziness on the adults' parts. (Not saying that about the op)

How do you know they didn't have special needs? There's a mom on here who used one with her autistic son until he was seven (I think).

I personally hate pushing a stroller, it really restricts where you can go, and my kids hate to sit still and be strapped in. I use the harness as a last resort, I don't ever let ds get to the end of it unless I have my back turned and he's bolted. But that's why I have it - as a safety measure.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IndyNanny* 
I won't use them. Period. If my kids are too young to understand the need to stay close to me or to be taught to stay safe, then back to the stroller we go.
The only time I did consider using one was when we were going to an amusement park. The idea of vast crowds intimidated me. (We ended up not going - for the better.)
I saw a family using a leader with 2 of their kids. The oldest looked to be like 6 years old, the other was probably about 4yo. I think, in that situation, it was sheer laziness on the adults' parts. (Not saying that about the op)

oh yeah, forcing them into a stroller is much more gentle







:

My ds hasnt been in the stoller in 6mths, and hes definatly not going to go in a cart.


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## savithny (Oct 23, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderwahine* 
oh yeah, forcing them into a stroller is much more gentle







:

Exactly. Why does adding wheels to a harness somehow make it a better choice? Why is a harness "lazy parenting" but a stroller apparently *good* parenting?

(note: I'm not anti-stroller, but I really don't get the way they're held up as the rational, kind, alternative to harnesses. I just don't.)


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## captain crunchy (Mar 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *savithny* 
Exactly. Why does adding wheels to a harness somehow make it a better choice? Why is a harness "lazy parenting" but a stroller apparently *good* parenting?

(note: I'm not anti-stroller, but I really don't get the way they're held up as the rational, kind, alternative to harnesses. I just don't.)

I agree. The whole, "if they can't stay near me, back in the stroller they go" sounds awfully punitive.


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## eclipse (Mar 13, 2003)

I say, if you think it will help, go for it. I used one with my oldest only (although I've considered one with my current two year old) (and it was actually a Maya wrap wrapped around his waist - does that gain me AP points?







) and it was a life saver. It was the gentlest, most AP solution I could find for our family. The alternatives (forced hand holding, forced kid wearing, forced stroller riding, or Not Getting Anything Done Ever because without some sort of containment DS would run indefinitely in whatever direction he happened to be facing when he hit the ground) would have made all of us miserable. He was able to explore, and knew he could only go as far as the end of the sling away from me. It worked for us.


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## Astrogirl (Oct 23, 2007)

I'd rather use a harness than a stroller. Both are pretty much restrictive and confining, but at least with the harness they get to stretch their legs and 'explore' to some degree.

I don't know why harnesses get such a bad rap. I've never had to use one, but I feel for a mama who does. Personally, I think there _are_ parents (not all, but some) that use their strollers as a glorified cage but for some reason thats perfectly socially acceptable.....yet if a parent only holds onto them via a small piece of webbing, thats 'cruel'. I don't get it.


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## Astrogirl (Oct 23, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *captain crunchy* 
I agree. The whole, "if they can't stay near me, back in the stroller they go" sounds awfully punitive.

Yup. Its the 'you belong THERE and when you are as good as me, maybe you can come HERE' message.


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## swampangel (Feb 10, 2007)

I agree that it's a totally fine thing to try. It is true that there is a stigma and it is very interesting that strollers are so socially acceptable and they aren't much different. I hadn't thought about it like that. I think the analogy to dogs is what puts people off. But who cares...if your child is safe and enjoys it, it sounds like a good option to have.

My kiddos never liked the stroller once they became mobile. Hence I chase after my toddler anytime we're out or he happily rides in the Ergo on my back. If I had a child who ran into the street or hid in a grocery store, I would seriously consider it if other options didn't work out. Safety is my top priority and if your child likes it, I think you've found a great solution.

One thing I wanted to mention is that I definitely would not talk to your 2yo about a stranger taking her. That would be terrifying for her to hear. It is our job as parents to keep eyes on our kids while they are little like this. They can't take on the responsibility of protecting themselves from kidnappers and pedofiles. I've always told my son that he has to be able to see me and I have to be able to see him. It's my job to keep him safe. I don't go into anything more than that.


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astrogirl* 
I'd rather use a harness than a stroller. Both are pretty much restrictive and confining, but at least with the harness they get to stretch their legs and 'explore' to some degree.

I don't know why harnesses get such a bad rap. I've never had to use one, but I feel for a mama who does. Personally, I think there _are_ parents (not all, but some) that use their strollers as a glorified cage but for some reason thats perfectly socially acceptable.....yet if a parent only holds onto them via a small piece of webbing, thats 'cruel'. I don't get it.

I totally agree with this. Your right that a stroller allows way less freedom than a harness. Which is what I always liked about the harness, it provides a tiny bit of freedom to a child, who is at an age where they can only handle a tiny bit of freedom. I think a harness should be one of many options for a young child when they are in a situation where it might be dangerous for them to roam free. Like a museum, airport or amusement park. When my little one is a toddler I will probably have a harness for her, but I will also give her the option of the stroller, the sling, or holding my hand. For some kids though, holding hands isn't always an option. I've known many children who like to dart, so you hold tight to there hand and they immediately begin to scream that you're hurting them, the more they wriggle the tighter you have to hold so they don't go running off getting lost or hurt. With a harness you don't have to get into that type of battle with your child.


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## IndyNanny (Sep 20, 2007)

Of course it is possible that those children were special needs,and if that's the case, then I'm glad they found what works for them. I saw them in passing. I still prefer for my children to walk freely beside me. I stopped using the stroller by 2 with both kids. Learning to stay with me was a gradual process. It's not like I was stuffing a 4 or 6 year old child into a stroller.


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

I personally think they're great. It gives the child freedom to walk and roam to a certain extent, and it gives you the peace of mind that they're not going to dart off onto the road.

The only reason they're seen as taboo is because people keep going on about them being a 'dog lead', but really when you think about it, isn't that what a dog lead is as well? Security to know that you're dog isn't going to suddenly run off?

My DH always wanted to get one of those retractable dog leads for DS - he thought it would be great because DS could have much more freedom, but we could stop him if he got too far. I did put my foot down there! LOL!

One word of warning though - we had one for DS. I think we only needed to use it once, but it didn't work. He was fine having the harness on, but as soon as he felt me hold on to it he'd have a fit! Needless to say we didn't end up using it!


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## Mama2Bug (Feb 18, 2005)

Another vote here for "used to hate them."

Then we went on vacation and DD *DID NOT* want to sit in her stroller. She would not hold hands. She would not allow us to carry her. She wanted to _walk_.

What to do, though, with a 2 year old who runs away at lightning speed? We can't force her to stay in the stroller. We wouldn't strap her in involuntarily and it wouldn't have worked anyhow. She has long known how to unbuckle herself and get out. I didn't want to wrestle her into being carried against her will. I didn't want to hurt her by forcing her to hold hands. I also didn't want to spend my entire vacation in the nice, safe hotel room. In our family, everyone's needs/wants are important, so we look for solutions that will accommodate everyone.

The backpack was a last-resort choice. We took her to pick it out. She chose the animal. She was so excited to be a big girl who could walk independently. She chose the puppy and has been in love with it for the last year, though she is now old enough to be content holding hands- well, for the most part.









She calls wearing the backpack "going on a puppy pack-pack ahventure!" She is always bringing it to me, holding it out and saying "Mama! Let's go! You hold my tail!"

I don't think the device is inherently bad. I think some people just use them, like a million other devices. poorly. In our case, it actually promoted attachment by allowing us to take her more places with us than we would have been able to without it. We are able to explore without the stress of tantrums, running-away, parking lot chase etc. Stress-free parents are much more pleasant and able to better with connect with their kids, imo.


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## verde (Feb 11, 2007)

Re: comments for using a harness -- this may help you feel better. When we were in the airports in London I saw many parents using harnesses. At the airport in Geneva, no one had them and we did get several amused looks BUT several people in the airport approached us and told us they thought it was a great idea, (luckily my sis-in-law speaks fluent French and could translate). A security guard actually went out of her way to talk to us for several minutes about why she thought it was such a good idea.


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Astrogirl* 
I'd rather use a harness than a stroller. Both are pretty much restrictive and confining, but at least with the harness they get to stretch their legs and 'explore' to some degree.

I don't know why harnesses get such a bad rap. I've never had to use one, but I feel for a mama who does. Personally, I think there _are_ parents (not all, but some) that use their strollers as a glorified cage but for some reason thats perfectly socially acceptable.....yet if a parent only holds onto them via a small piece of webbing, thats 'cruel'. I don't get it.

Yup, that's what I thought.

We used ours in places where we thought it was necessary. My son loved the freedom and having both hands to explore with - and have you ever held your arm above your head for 15 min? That's what a toddler holding hands can feel like, esp. if they are small like my son.

Also my son was just literally NOT capable of hearing us when he was really interested in something. His focus would just get on that one thing. So I could not depend on him to hear me.

Since just before he was two he has gotten much more reliable about holding onto things or being able to hear us, so I don't even know where ours has gone really. It's not a lifetime thing!


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## JamesMama (Jun 1, 2005)

Re the comments, I've only EVER heard negative things about the harnesses on-line.

IRL I've gotten 50 million positive comments. I've had SEVERAL moms ask me where I got mine. I've had SEVERAL moms of older kids say how they wished they had something so cute when their kids were younger.

My favorite comment was from an elderly woman (I'd say 80's at least) she walked up to me and said "I just love that little harness. You're a good mommy, sweetie. You give your baby room to run, but not room to run AWAY." and patted my arm and walked off.









I figure I'm following AP as I know it. I'm following my sons cues and doing what he needs to feel respected and loved and keeping him safe all at the same time.

On the occasions when we've gone to the mall and forgotten his harness I feel so horrible because sometimes to keep him and others safe I have to force him into a stroller (if he is refusing to hold my or DH's hand) and he gets so upset. I'd rather forgo the whole crisis and bring the harness hook him up and let him have a foot or two of 'explore space'.

And to all the mama's who have toddlers who listen to you and stop the first time...well I guess I bow down to you because you're obviously a MUCH better mother than I am! Or else you just have more mellow kids than mine. James is the poster child for "spirited" if he were to dart off in the mall he would be gone. He would NOT stop. And I prefer to NOT give my newborn shaken baby syndrome as I run after him (or prior to this...running while pregnant...ha...)


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## saoirse2007 (Sep 4, 2007)

ds has been walking since 8 mos and I have been using the harness since he started to walk well 10 mos
we will be in the airport in 2 weeks...I hadn't even thought of using his harness (we have 2 cuz their sooo cute)..I was just going to leave him in the wrap, but this is a way better idea...exploring it is then


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## sweetirishCT (Oct 5, 2005)

You know, I have been reading this thread, and thinking that I need to give ours another go. I have the basic harness, with *gasp* ELMO on it... (I don't give a hoot about the character on it, I love SS) but even with her beloved Elmo, she refused to wear it. But, maybe the backpack is a better approach. She loves the idea of 'going to school' from seeing her older cousings on and off the bus, so I could totally play into that. But a 'monkey on her back'? Shouldn't the poor kids be older before they have to worry about that?


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 
Re the comments, I've only EVER heard negative things about the harnesses on-line.

IRL I've gotten 50 million positive comments. I've had SEVERAL moms ask me where I got mine. I've had SEVERAL moms of older kids say how they wished they had something so cute when their kids were younger.

My favorite comment was from an elderly woman (I'd say 80's at least) she walked up to me and said "I just love that little harness. You're a good mommy, sweetie. You give your baby room to run, but not room to run AWAY." and patted my arm and walked off.









I figure I'm following AP as I know it. I'm following my sons cues and doing what he needs to feel respected and loved and keeping him safe all at the same time.

On the occasions when we've gone to the mall and forgotten his harness I feel so horrible because sometimes to keep him and others safe I have to force him into a stroller (if he is refusing to hold my or DH's hand) and he gets so upset. I'd rather forgo the whole crisis and bring the harness hook him up and let him have a foot or two of 'explore space'.

And to all the mama's who have toddlers who listen to you and stop the first time...well I guess I bow down to you because you're obviously a MUCH better mother than I am! Or else you just have more mellow kids than mine. James is the poster child for "spirited" if he were to dart off in the mall he would be gone. He would NOT stop. And I prefer to NOT give my newborn shaken baby syndrome as I run after him (or prior to this...running while pregnant...ha...)

I agree with everything you said here except for me personally I have heard negative comments IRL about the harnesses, not just online. My dh for one says we will never use one (our baby is too little to need one right now so he may change his mind when we have a toddler). The other day when my dh was out of town, I had dinner at my in-laws house. My sil said something about how she saw a kid on a leash and went on and on about how awful it was and how leases should only be used for dogs. I told her that I disagreed. That I felt it wasn't disrespectful as long as it was used appropriately and that it might be necessary for safety in certain situations. I was surprised that my MIL actually agreed with me and told sil that when she has a toddler she'll probably change her mind.

My mother actually used one of those kiddie leashes (ones that go around the child's wrist not actually a harness) on my sister when she was little. And once when we were at Knott's Berry Farm (amusement park in socal) we didn't have the leash and my sister absolutely refused to stay in the stroller, so my mom bought a jump rope and tied it around her waist. My sis was so much happier after that and my mom was less stressed. But I think even then as a child I was aware that some people found them distasteful.

Also I wanted to add, in response to those who feel that when people use a harness for their child then they are not actually teaching their child boundaries: Harnesses are somewhat like childproofing the outside world. We childproof our houses knowing that when children are young they won't have the self control to stay away from dangerous or breakable things. We take care to childproof without worrying that our children will never learn self control because we trust that as they mature, self control will develop We then give our children more and more space, as they continue to grow, to practice self-control. Eventually we can remove cabinet locks, we can put our knick knacks back down on the low shelves, the childproofing is no longer necessary. But for a short while in early childhood it makes baby safer and it certainly saves mom's sanity. The same is true with harnesses. Of course if a baby/toddler spent all day, everyday tethered to something with no room to explore that would be harmful, but to use it only for brief periods when absolutely necessary, I can see no harm in that.


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## sweetirishCT (Oct 5, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *junipermuse* 

Also I wanted to add, in response to those who feel that when people use a harness for their child then they are not actually teaching their child boundaries: Harnesses are somewhat like childproofing the outside world. We childproof our houses knowing that when children are young they won't have the self control to stay away from dangerous or breakable things. We take care to childproof without worrying that our children will never learn self control because we trust that as they mature, self control will develop We then give our children more and more space, as they continue to grow, to practice self-control. Eventually we can remove cabinet locks, we can put our knick knacks back down on the low shelves, the childproofing is no longer necessary. But for a short while in early childhood it makes baby safer and it certainly saves mom's sanity. The same is true with harnesses. Of course if a baby/toddler spent all day, everyday tethered to something with no room to explore that would be harmful, but to use it only for brief periods when absolutely necessary, I can see no harm in that.









:
very well said...


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## flapjack (Mar 15, 2005)

Yup, great post, junipermuse







. DD (just turned 2) has had the unicorn version of the monkey backpack for 6 months now, and it has literally saved her life on more than one occasion. We use the combination of the backpack, walking and a bus to get her brothers to school, and you know what strollers on public transport are like.

There are a couple of good things about this one: firstly, that it really isn't possible with the one we've got to do any serious dragging with it. The harness is quite loosefitting on a 2yo, and the strap is just fabric, not webbing. So if you're looking for something to walk the dog with, you're going to have to go and look elsewhere. With my boys, I used the wrist strap passed through a harness, so they had a bit of extra room but were still safe and sound.
There is something else to think about: there's an awful lot of negativity and redirecting going on when I don't have the unicorn with us. I'm a nicer person when I know she's safe.


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## cyndimo (Jul 20, 2005)

In general, IRL people have been great!
I occasionally get what feel like dirty looks. Sometimes I even feel compelled to comment about how much DS loves the "backpack" and what a lifesaver it is - usually the response is that they know others with active kiddos and that they agree that the backpack is great. (I must just be bad at reading the expressions.)
DS flops on the ground much more just holding my hand and I'm worried I'll pull out his shoulder or something. He rarely does this with the backpack. If he does, it usually means he's in a mood and shopping is probably a bad idea anyway.


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## Dizzie (Nov 28, 2007)

Quote:

Originally Posted by *JamesMama*

My favorite comment was from an elderly woman (I'd say 80's at least) she walked up to me and said "I just love that little harness. You're a good mommy, sweetie. *You give your baby room to run, but not room to run AWAY*." and patted my arm and walked off.
Love that comment!!! We too have a backpack harness for our DS aged 17 months. He is hyperactive and will not sit for more than 5 minutes. And we all know you can't make a child sit! DS will kick and scream and arch his back when we pick him up to put him in his pram. He is getting quite heavy to carry as well so this has been a God send for us!

My neighbour who is a grandmother in her 70's told me to get one - a wise woman. She was minding her twin grandaughters when one ran off in a busy shopping complex around busy Christmas time. The police were called in and a 2 hour search was on. They found her safe and sound in the end. She told me that she would've ended her life if something had happened to that little girl. Something l'm sure no mama or granmama would ever want to experience.

We let DS pick out which harness he wanted and he went for the monkey. We were worried the backpack wouldn't go down too well with him, but didn't want to go for the wriststrap in case he tried to run and hurt his wrist. The backpack has been working exceptionally well and this is a child that won't let me put hats or bibs on. I find that it is also teaching him that he needs to stay close. DS would usually run into another isle in supermarkets, hide under clothes racks or head for the exit into car parks in shopping centres when he wasn't being super clingy. I was always chasing after him. He also has a tendency to touch everything and pull things off shelves. Another thing that DS does is run in front of moving trolleys and prams putting himself in danger. So the backpack helps us to keep him at arms reach when he refuses to hold our hand.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ann_of_loxley* 
I hate them.
Oh for a number of reasons. I dont want to slag other mums off though who use them but for me - its about what I have seen. My child is not a 'dog' and that is exaclty how I have seen them used...dragging your child all over the place. I also think its easy to let them (the lead) take the responsibility and you can forget (at least I feel) about also teaching your child how to behave properly in the process.
I have gone back to the buggy. Stay near me, or sit in the buggy. Either way he would be unhappy (read my shopping centre thread lol)...I also know what he would do with one of those...he would just lay on the floor crying and not move (as when I try and hold his hand!)...He likes his freedoms but needs to know his boundaries. He can have his freedoms if he keeps within his boundaries (not expecting much from him! - the same thing I expect from myself!) - or he can sit in the buggy!
I know she say she isnt content in the buggy ( my ds himself hates the buggy - we mostly use a sling!) - but you woudl just sit here there if she steps outside of her boundary (as in running off which isnt appropriate and dangerous - which of course you can explain to her - they dont know the dangers of the world yet!)...and then when she wasnt 'out'...you can tell her what the 'rules' are, what her boundaries are...and try again...
Actually we did this when my ds first started to walk to walk everywhere. Until he learned to not run off. It meant putting him in and out continuously until he got it and it 'stuck'. It lasted....6 months. I think hes 'forgot' so we are going to give it another go! lol


I have seen many people using them and I have used one on my son who has Autism, when he was younger and would practically wrench my arm out of the socket because he didn't want to hold hands.

I have never, ever seen someone dragging their child, or treating them like a dog. I am so sorry that you have seen such mistreatment of kids and misuse of what is meant to be a good tool for a parent whose child just will not stay with them, or like my child, does not want to be held and hold hands, because of sensory issues.

Sure, it could be misused, as you stated, but so can a stroller, buggy, or car seat. Just because someone uses a harness/leash, does not mean they are not teaching their children correctly. Again, I am sorry that you have had such bad experiences. It makes decent parents look bad.


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## TinkerBelle (Jun 29, 2005)

I think that the bottom line here, is that if you use a stroller, sling, lead/harness, or whatever, it can be abused.

I say to not assume anything about anyone else and do what is best for your family.


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## BlueStateMama (Apr 12, 2004)

I tried one once with DD. She's always been a runner (ie you put her down and off she goes, as fast as she can away from me.) My only experience with it was that I needed to get some new running sneakers, knew I had to try them on and had visions of DD sprinting off in the huge sports superstore where I went. She walked happily with it, but when I sat down to try on shoes she tried to take off, and it felt (and looked) like a dog pulling on a leash. It was embarassing, and I never used it again.

I see some parents use them and the kids seem totally happy. If it works out that way, great - it's a win-win.


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## loraxc (Aug 14, 2003)

Another pro-harness mama here.







We used ours from about 16 months to about 2.5 (at that point it was only for airports and things of that nature). For all the harness-haters here on MDC who swore that DD would "never learn boundaries" if I used one, we stopped needing it at a certain point.

In public, I never got anything but positive comments, although I did see a couple of smirky LOOKS from time to time.

Quote:

My favorite comment was from an elderly woman (I'd say 80's at least) she walked up to me and said "I just love that little harness. You're a good mommy, sweetie. You give your baby room to run, but not room to run AWAY." and patted my arm and walked off.
Bless her heart! There is nothing better than getting a compliment from a nice old lady, is there?


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## junipermuse (Nov 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *loraxc* 
For all the harness-haters here on MDC who swore that DD would "never learn boundaries" if I used one, we stopped needing it at a certain point.

This particular idea that if we use a harness, a child will NEVER learn boundaries is actually kind of funny isn't it? I mean mainstream parents make those comments all the time to us don't they? If you let your child sleep with you (or don't cio) they will never learn to sleep by themselves. If you don't forcibly wean your child, they will never stop nursing. If you don't spank (or punish) your child they will never learn how to behave. And we all know those things aren't true. We can let our children share our bed because its convenient for mama and it makes baby happy knowing full well that at some point develpmentally our child will be ready to sleep on his/her own. And at that point it will happen. Likewise we can use a harness for convenience and because the baby is happier than being trapped in a stroller, and when the child has matured and is able to stay near mama without it than we won't use it anymore. Now obviously a harness may not work for everybody, just like some people find that their baby sleeps better in a crib, and that's okay too. But if everyone in a family is happy using it go for it.


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## Magali (Jun 8, 2007)

My thoughts exactly.


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## thixle (Sep 26, 2007)

Didn't read the entire thread-- DD loves her monkey backpack. Bought it for her when she was 15 mos and we flew from Nashville to Detroit-- both airports are just too big and freaky, DD was walking extremely well, she loves to explore... Anyway, I let her wear it around the house for a few days, she loves to be "buckle up-it!" That thing is great







: We had to walk the entire length of the airport, and at one point, she just layed down on her little monkey backpack in the middle of the causeway and pretended to go to sleep... awwwww! And everyone stopped and said awwww.... We would ocassionally use the monkey, with or without tail-- DD likes backpacks. But in some places, I wanted to make sure she was close. (Like going shopping, in the salsa and spaghetti sauce aisle).
Now at 28 mos, the monkey backpack it a good toy, but I usually forget it, because she's a big girl and usually (mostly) stays close and follows directions.

Oh- and i never recieved a negative comment.


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## a~...Mamacitaa~... (Sep 18, 2004)

soo i bought one for DS2.. and he picked it out and wanted it on before we copuld even leave the store.. right outside the store a woman stopped me and said how nice it was to see a mother caring for the well-being of her child enough to buy a harness...
The reason i bought it...

I had just gotten off bedrest( i was preggo with twins and lost one) and i was moving my kids, house, and car from Nor-Cal all the way down to El Paso Tx(were DH was Stationed) and doing it all by myself.. I would have used a sling wiht him( I had for 2 years) but i wasn't allowed to pick him up.. the harness worked great.. We still have it..and DS is 3 he wears it as a backpack and when we go to a high populated place we attach the tail....

IMO the peopel who used those items, love, care and want their child to be safe...i have seen many people who's child is running in the street and threw stores.. these children with harness on them are safe..

IMO


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## a~...Mamacitaa~... (Sep 18, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *thixle* 

Oh- and i never recieved a negative comment.


me either....


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## Teensy (Feb 22, 2002)

Am I the only mom who couldn't use them with her child? DS would go to the full length, then lean forward with his arms outstretched, like he was flying, he nearly pulled my wrist out of the socket. Or he would walk on the opposite side of lamp poles. Or circle around other people.














S definitely didn't mind the harness - he thought it was some sort of toy.


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## saoirse2007 (Sep 4, 2007)

I keep forgetting ds's harness so I have been using the rs...works great and no extra stuff to carry around


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## Ammaarah (May 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JamesMama* 

So we got the backpack (ours is the puppy, he picked it out) and he LOVES it. He wears it happily. He likes it on walks, he likes it when we go to the mall, He literally gets giddy when we get out his back pack. He loves it. It keeps him HAPPY and safe. What more could I ask for?

This has been our experience with our daughter and the puppy backpack! She slept with it on the first night she had it (sans leash, of course!)







I have gotten many comments on it from strangers and all have been positive. I'm sure some people thought it was terrible but nobody's made a comment. I get, "Oh, that's a nice way to keep her close but let her walk," or "I wish I had had one for my son - of course he's 30 now" and a lot of other positive comments.









I got it for my daughter because we go to Costco now and then and she wanted to walk but people are pushing around huge, heavy carts and flats. It's a real safety issue, she could be hurt badly.


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## eastkygal (Feb 19, 2006)

Thanks for all the posts. DH and I have made the decision that the backpack would be the best choice for us. I believe it can be used to learn her boundaries, and to have the experience of exploring while staying close to me. It would (if she takes to it) save alot of tears and thrashing in the stroller or buggy (which isn't always the case, so the backpack wouldn't be used a huge amount). I just can't chase her anymore, and she gets away from me so easily. I'm pregnant and haven't been able to wear her for awhile, or keep up with her. I think she'll enjoy the backpack, and I think it can help her learn a safe distance. Thanks again.


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## Belleweather (Nov 11, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alleybcat* 
Luckily, I realized I could turn the ring sling into a harness and we were set all day. In fact, I did this the whole time we were on vacation whenever we were at a big public place. He never minded and I felt so much more secure. I just tightened it around his waist with the ring at his back, spread the material out a bit around his front and away we went.

We've been using the ring sling as well... we bought DS the puppy backpack, but he just wants to wear it and run around pretending to be a puppy, not let us hold his 'tail'. Which means we're unfortunately not keeping him safer than he'd be otherwise, since someone always seems to step on or trip over the 'tail'.









And while we've gotten some negative comments about using a 'leash' on our kid, the VAST majority of them have been from college-aged people with no kids. And I have long ago decided that their opinions on parenting are about as useful as boots on a pig...


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## saoirse2007 (Sep 4, 2007)

alleybcat:

I knew I got the idea from somewhere


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## ar2974 (Nov 19, 2006)

The very evil person in me wants to hook dd up to the cat leash (yep, I said cat leash; we live in the city and I thought my cat would like being able to go for a walk - he HATES it and refused to even walk if the leash was on) when I travel at Christmas. She'd love it. She likes to carry the leash around the apartment and shake it at the cat, she'd think it was very funny if it was hooked on to her pants. I wonder would I get lots of comments.


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## momaste (Oct 9, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *NiteNicole* 
We have the backpack too. I've never seen anyone dragging their child around by it, honestly. Most people (the few times I've seen them) are holding hands with the child and have the backpack as a back up. That's what we do. My kid is a runner and not very good at holding hands or staying close. She wears the backpack and we hold hands, so the backpack is my second line of defense if she darts away and I don't get a hand on her quickly.
.

This is how we use it, too, and DS2 LOVES it. DS won't ride in the stroller and has outgrown being slung (too heavy for my back), so we're at the walking stage but with much distraction! He has a dog backpack and it rides in the car with us, so when he gets in his carseat he automatically greets the doggy and asks him, "we play?" He hands it to me to put on him and gets upset when we leave it in the car. I hold his hand, but he's fast and squirmy and sometimes does get away before I can stop him. This lets him explore without touching me, but not get far enough away to get lost - which he most certainly would do if given the option.

The one thing I find and don't like is that he will lean forward and trip more frequently with the backpack on. I'm not yanking or pulling him, but if he's running away from me and keeps leaning forward he ends up on his hands and knees. (He'd end up in the same position by squirming out of hand-holding, too, so either way he's on the floor!)


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## aja-belly (Oct 7, 2004)

i love the comments that it's treating your kid like a dog. i just think about the dog strollers we've seen since we moved here (to so-cal).


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## hipumpkins (Jul 25, 2003)

This is populat topic and I just want to chime in saying that I think leashes/harnesses /tethers whatever you want to call them are uselful and helpful and I have never seen a sad child in one. I have seen plenty of crying kids in strollers b/c they weren't allowed out.
We used one...not for everyday walks but if people need for that so be it.
I didn't read all the other replies b/c this topic makes me crazy with dog references so I am just replying.


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## wonderwahine (Apr 21, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *aja-belly* 
i love the comments that it's treating your kid like a dog. i just think about the dog strollers we've seen since we moved here (to so-cal).

















those dog strollers are so funny!! I sit there and think..... dude, why even bother taking them for a walk if they arnt walking?!


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## felix23 (Nov 7, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *IndyNanny* 
Of course it is possible that those children were special needs,and if that's the case, then I'm glad they found what works for them. I saw them in passing. I still prefer for my children to walk freely beside me. I stopped using the stroller by 2 with both kids. Learning to stay with me was a gradual process. It's not like I was stuffing a 4 or 6 year old child into a stroller.

How do you get a two year old to walk beside you and not run off? I'm not being snarking, I really want to know. My two year old will not hold hands and even if she did I think it looks really uncomfortable to walk around with one arm held way up by an adult. My dd likes the stroller, but when she stops wanting to ride and still won't hold my hand I'll get a harness.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

I finally broke down and got one today for my dd who is 28 mos and she loves it







.. she is into monekys at the moment so she immediately wanted to put it on. We actually were able to go to an art fair today and sort of enjoy ourselves and dd had a great time with her monkey pack as she called it. Normally outings in crowded spaces are a disaster and while dd did run off we were able to keep up with her while being respectful to her.

I had one child who would never have needed this but dd is a runner and her safety is important to me.. no one gave us weird looks and a few commented on how cute the monkey was.

Shay


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