# 3 year old afraid of poop



## RachelW (Sep 30, 2004)

My DD is nearly 3 and has been using the potty for a few months. She is, however, deathly afraid of pooping. She withheld when she was about 1 1/2 and got really constipated so she was on Miralax off and on for a year because the doctor thought this would make it so she couldn't hold it in. Needless to say, it worked. But now we've ditched the Miralax in favor of prunes and fruit and this seems to be doing the trick.

So...even though she *can* go, she doesn't want to and she holds it in, walks stiff-legged, cries, and screams that she "doesn't want the poopy to come out." She goes every three or four days and when it happens it's tears and tears and a huge ordeal. Even once she's gone, and I act excited and tell her "Look, you did it! Great job!" She denies it's hers. "No I didn't! THat's not mine!" And she won't have anything to do with flushing it.

Anyone seen this behavior before? Please tell me that I don't have to go through this poop ordeal every three days and that eventually it'll get to be normal!!!

Or, any other suggestions or advice welcome. I'm at wits end!!!!!


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## herins (May 2, 2008)

My 18 month old was on lactulose for a while because he had become afraid of pooping and withheld. It's such an ugly cycle because withholding makes it harder which makes it painful, which makes them not want to do it again. Luckily, my son was young, so after a few months of lactulose, he forgot about his negative experiences. We still have a few tough ones, and I get scared every time. I do suggest you try to get some help for it, though, because I know that withholding can cause some major problems. I'm sorry you guys are going through this! Good luck!


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

My DD was like this until VERY recently, at least, she wouldn't poop on the potty - only her diaper - pooping on the potty was absolutely horrific (she'd go into hysterics if she *accidentally* did).

I don't know if this is TMI or what, but...

She was fascinated with watching me go to the bathroom. So, I figured I'd, erm, show her that everyone poops. Oh yah. So, we'd go into the bathroom, I'd do my thing (and try to angle so she could watch - Lord help me), and really ham it up making funny straining faces, and lots of noises, and said how stinky it was, and was just really over the top which she thought was hilarious. I kind of made it a funny time...and would gently encourage her to try...she wouldn't poop, but she'd pretend to, which was a start.

Just this past week, she's wanting to go poop for real (but on the BIG toilet, not the baby one), and she does the same thing I did (the faces and funny noises), and then we do the "bye-bye poop" ceremony.

Maybe if you just make it into a very silly time it might help? This might not be a very helpful post, but....maybe it's worth a shot?


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## KD's Momma (Oct 24, 2004)

My 4yo didn't want to poop on the potty for over a year after he learned to pee on the potty. I just left it up to him and didn't make a big deal out of pooping. I had alot of extra laundry and there were days/weeks I was really frustrated but inally one day he just decided he would do it and we haven't gone back.


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## frogautumn (May 24, 2007)

: I have an 18mo little cousin who is currently going through this. She'll withhold for days at a time and get pretty hysterical when she feels the urge to go. You can just feel her entire little body tense up. It's heartbreaking and her parents are at their wits end.

I'll be passing along suggestions...


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## RachelW (Sep 30, 2004)

Thanks for the responses so far. Tonight we had ANOTHER episode that didn't end in any poop---she just asks to go to bed so she doesn't have to deal with it.

Our doctors--gastrologists and pediatricians--think that keeping her digestive system working (prunes, prune juice, lots of veggies, minimal cheese, etc) is the best way so that she can't physically hold it. But this seems so psychological.

Any suggestions for how to get inside the head of a 3 year old????


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## katheek77 (Mar 13, 2007)

Have you asked her why she doesn't want the poop to come out? Is it painful for her - maybe explain that if she poops every day it will be less painful, or give her ways to cope with the pain (something to squeeze, things to say, etc.). Is she scared that "part of her" is coming out - I've heard that's actualy a fairly common fear-they kind of think their insides are coming out...Have you tried explaining to her what happens to her food and how it comes out in the end? Maybe explain where the poop goes a la the sewage system...

Some kids are very analytical that way.


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## lesmac (Dec 17, 2006)

We have yet to experience this, but one of my daughter's friends did. She & her parents attended a poop camp at U of M (Michigan) over two months last fall. Apparently, the kids "played" in a group therapy session & the parents learned how to properly respond to their kids fear of pooping. For her, it wasn't just a matter of diet, it was psychological/psychosomatic & control issues.

Good luck. Isn't it amazing the things that you experience as parents...this one really wasn't in the manual!


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## Minxie (Apr 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
I don't know if this is TMI or what, but...

She was fascinated with watching me go to the bathroom. So, I figured I'd, erm, show her that everyone poops...

...and then we do the "bye-bye poop" ceremony.

Maybe if you just make it into a very silly time it might help? This might not be a very helpful post, but....maybe it's worth a shot?









:

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
Have you asked her why she doesn't want the poop to come out? Is it painful for her - maybe explain that if she poops every day it will be less painful, or give her ways to cope with the pain (something to squeeze, things to say, etc.). Is she scared that "part of her" is coming out - I've heard that's actualy a fairly common fear-they kind of think their insides are coming out...Have you tried explaining to her what happens to her food and how it comes out in the end? Maybe explain where the poop goes a la the sewage system...

Some kids are very analytical that way.

_Elmo's Potty Time_ is a great video that is age-appropriate and tastefully explains the potty process. If she's very analytical, _The Magic School Bus_ DVD about the Human Body has a great segment on digestion and, ultimately, waste products. We used both of those and discussed how our poo is really the waste products left over after our food is digested. HTH


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## erikaa (Apr 11, 2005)

lesmac- can you tell us more about poop camp?!!!! i've never heard of such a thing and would really like to know more about how they teach you to respond!

my DD (almost four) has been witholding since about 18mo and it's really emotionally trying.
she seems to go thru cycles where it gets worse and then not so bad. i still can't figure out what's different about the good times.

possibly TMI , but when she goes after a spell of witholding (anywhere from 3-7 days), her poo is enormous and it's hard to imagine where it was all hiding inside her tiny body. it's never hard for her to push out, it's just a ton of it!









my ped also suggested the miralax, but the times i've given it she seems to get even more upset. i try to keep her eating fruits and avoiding lots of dairy...but she hasn't been "regular" since her infant days!

it's very embarrassing when we are with friends and family and she keeps doing the "poopy dance"- a combo of moaning and doing downward dog while pumping her feet. and it's gets even more frustrating when we have to keep running to bathroom every 10 min.

most of my family and friends think she needs some kind of laxative, but i really think it's psychological. she hasn't been able to give me any ideas as to why she doesn't like to do it.

i keep waiting for her to grow out of it. i just pray her little brother who is almost 2 doesn't take any cues from her! he already imitates her moaning when he's sitting on the potty.









i will be watching this thread for any ideas! good luck, erika


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## herins (May 2, 2008)

Part of the reason laxatives can help is that they make pooping more comfortable, so that the child can start to forget that pooping was ever painful. Even if the problem is psychological, the physical is causing that! You have to fix one to fix the other.


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## jnpsmommy (May 19, 2008)

Ok! This may sound really weird but it worked for my son! My son was sooooooo scared to poop on the potty! Nothing worked, rewards, encouragement, ignoring it, books, you name it we tried it! He would wait for his naptime diaper and poop at that time. Finally as a last resort I was searching on the net and came across an idea that was interesting, and though I wa sure it wasn't going to work, I had nothing to lose. The idea was to give your child a diaper at the time they needed a bowel movement and cut a small hole in it. The catch is they have to sit on the potty when they go. The idea is to get them used to GOING on the potty even if it is with a diaper on. They suggest to slowly cut the hole bigger and bigger until low and behold the poop falls into the toilet. Apparently some kids will so stubbornly hold to the diaper that it will be months where they just are wearing the diaper elastic around their waist and won't go without it, but the point is they go! And eventually you can remove the whole diaper.

Well, me, being the impatient person that I am decided, the heck with slowly cutting the hole bigger and bigger. So one day I cut the whole butt part out of the diaper and told my 3 yold son that this was his special pooping diaper, he could poop in it whenever he wanted but it only works if you sit on the potty while wearing it! To my utter shock, he went for this idea... and here i thought he was way too smart to fall for it,lol! So to make a long story short he pooped, got shocked when it plopped in the toilet and then was sooooooooo proud that he did it! He used the pooping diaper a few more times and then decided on his own that he didn't need it anymore! Halleluja!

I don't know if it would work for everyones child, but it is worth a shot, right? Hope it helps some of you!


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## KikaKika (Jul 7, 2007)

Ina May Gaskin recently had an all day workshop, and she mentioned her grandaughter that was afraid to poop, and regarded it as something "dirty" and "shameful" (who knows who told her this...). Problem was solved when Ina May brought a book to read to her, called "The Story of the Little Mole Who Went in Search of Whodunit", by W. Holzwarth (here is Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/Story-Little-M.../dp/1556703481 ).
Ina May read it couple of times, and it helped relax little girl, and that was the end of her problems.

I hope something like this works for you. There is also a book called "Everybody Poops" by Taro Gomi ( http://www.amazon.com/Everyone-Poops.../dp/0916291456 ).

Unfortunately, kids pick up that something like normal bowel movement is "dirty" etc., and sometimes all it takes is one painful poop, to create a vicious cycle of problems.

Ina May brought plastic poop, and she said that she brings it with her when she talks to OBGYNs, and that by their reaction, she knows if they are uptight about normal, physiological processes (and those are more likely to treat normal labor process as something "dirty").

Out of curiosity - how did you start potty training with her (of course, if you don't feel like writing about that, don't worry), and how did witholding start (did she have a painful elimination?).

Take care, and I hope you'll find a solution soon!


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## KikaKika (Jul 7, 2007)

Also, I forgot to mention - Ina May has a friend that can only use her home bathroom.... so when she went away for 14 days, she did not have bowel movement for 14 days!!!

Just adding this story to show that it's not only with children, us adults can create psychological problem as well!!!

Take care!


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## StephR (Nov 29, 2008)

My son just turned four last week...he has had the same problem for several months now. I'm not really sure how it all started...I have tried EVERYTHING, more fruits and vegtables, lots of water, stool softners, laxatives, reading books to him (elmo uses the potty), warm baths...now it's to the point where I have to give him an enema just for the huge poop to come out! If I keep feeding him I'm afraid his stomach is going to explode!! I've called and made an appt. to see a gastro. specialist but Im sure its psychological..I have no idea what to do! It's really frustrating to try and coach him through a bm every few days, and im sure it doesnt help him that I get so angry that he wont even TRY to push...he'd rather go to bed. So if you ever find something that helps...PLEASE let me know. Thank you for posting this question/comment... I was begining to think I was the only one who had this problem. GOOD LUCK


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## LuckyMommaToo (Aug 14, 2003)

Wow -- I was just coming here tonight to ask this question about my 2-1/2 y.o. She's not constipated, just withholding. It's SO frustrating. DD literally walks around for 24 hours plus holding her bum and shrieking, "Pick me up so I don't poop!"

The past couple times, she's actually pooped after she falls asleep.

I was wondering whether to try the Miralax for a month to see if it could get her pooping every day and take away the fear/control. Does anyone else have experience with it?

thanks,
-e


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## Learning_Mum (Jan 5, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *KikaKika* 
Also, I forgot to mention - Ina May has a friend that can only use her home bathroom.... so when she went away for 14 days, she did not have bowel movement for 14 days!!!

Just adding this story to show that it's not only with children, us adults can create psychological problem as well!!!

Take care!

That's because humans are designed to only poo when they are relaxed. Means you won't have the urge when you're being chased by a saber tooth tiger or something







. For some people they can only relax at home. I think it's actually pretty common, probably due to the fact that poo is 'socially unacceptable'.

To the OP - I would try the idea of making it funny. When DS1 did his first poo on the toilet I laughed (couldn't help myself!) and said 'Wow! That was a big one!'. He looked fleetingly scared, but as soon as I laughed he was fine (now of course he checks the toilet and examines every poo he does!)


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## ryan'smom (Jan 9, 2007)

Just bumping this thread as my ds will withhold pooping for days until his belly is distended and we finally just put a diaper on him so he can poop. No problems with peeing in the potty, but if you suggest pooping in the potty.....well forget it. Any more ideas?


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## Shera971 (Nov 26, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *katheek77* 
I don't know if this is TMI or what, but...

She was fascinated with watching me go to the bathroom. So, I figured I'd, erm, show her that everyone poops. Oh yah. So, we'd go into the bathroom, I'd do my thing (and try to angle so she could watch - Lord help me), and really ham it up making funny straining faces, and lots of noises, and said how stinky it was, and was just really over the top which she thought was hilarious.

I know this is a serious topic but my goodness, I nearly peed my pants with laughter. The things we do for our kids eh?


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