# Playful Parenting anecdotes



## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

Hi-
I just checked out "Playful Parenting" by Leonard Cohen, and am really enjoying it thus far. It has me feeling really inspired! I especially am enjoying the anecdotes of playful ideas that have turned potential power plays and tantrums into successful and fun times.

I thought it might be useful to have a thread in which we can post our own anecdotes of how playful parenting has worked for us-- an easy way to stay inspired by this GD approach to power struggles!

Here's my first one:

Last night, DS1 began to pull his normal "I WILL NOT GET IN BED AND GO TO SLEEP" routine. He's 3. He's been a pistol lately. We are tired. We are tired of putting him back in his bed. I am tired of using more energy to keep myself from yelling and screaming at him than it would take to yell and scream at him, iykwim. So last night, when he got up out of bed, I filled up a hot water bottle with warm water, and went into his room. "Where is DS?" I asked. "He's not in his bed! DH, did you put him somewhere? I wanted to snuggle him into his bed and give him this nice cozy warm water bottle! But now I have no one to give it to!" I made a big deal of looking for him in strange places in the bedroom- dresser drawers, the lego box, etc., with DS quietly observing at first and then giggling uncontrollably after a little while. I went out to the living room to look, said, "well, he's not in here. you keep looking, DH, and I'll go back in the room and look some more." He was in bed, covers pulled up, eyes gleaming.

It was like magic. It was wonderful!

What did you do today that got your little one giggling instead of screaming?









Similar thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1184098


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## leahd (Aug 15, 2009)

If my ds starts to throw a tantrum a fling myself on the floor and join him(only at home). He seems so baffled that he forgets he was mad.


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## Wild Lupine (Jul 22, 2009)

When DD didn't want to leave the playground today and ran away from me, I turned it into an 'I'm going to get you game.' Once I caught up with her I told her she was an airplane and 'flew' her to the car on my outstretched arms singing the Wiggles "Fly Through the Sky."


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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

Tonight, my kids just wanted to play with their mermaid dolls instead of brushing their teeth before bed. I felt like crap (just came down with a UTI) and somehow instead of yelling and turning off the lights to get their attention, I asked their dolls to do the work for me. "Pink Ariel, can you ask Katie to let me brush her teeth?" The best part was that Katie said "I don't think they're dirty, can you check?" and then stuck Pink Ariel in her mouth to have a look around.







Her teeth and her sister's teeth both got brushed this way, and I felt like a hero.


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *leahd* 
If my ds starts to throw a tantrum a fling myself on the floor and join him(only at home). He seems so baffled that he forgets he was mad.

I love this one.









Welcome to MDC!


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## major_mama11 (Apr 13, 2008)

My DH is much better at Playful Parenting than I am, so here's one of his...

When DD is balking about going home from someone's house, refusing to put on her jacket, bracing for a standoff, he will make a big show of saying, "OK, I guess this jacket is for me to wear, then. Arrrghhh, how does this work..." and then he makes a big show of straining to fit his arms into her little sleeves.

Inevitably, she starts to giggle and grabs it from him and insists on putting it on all by herself.


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## mrskingred (Aug 3, 2006)

Quote:

If my ds starts to throw a tantrum a fling myself on the floor and join him(only at home). He seems so baffled that he forgets he was mad.
Yes







, works great at home. Never been brave enough to try it in the supermarket as shown here


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## Shannie77 (Jan 16, 2007)

DD 2.5 is not a fan of brushing her teeth. MIL got her a cinderella spin brush toothbrush and I have started making cinderella talk. DD loves it when I make her toys talk, and I can always get Cinderella to persuade her to cooperate.


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## seashells (Jan 23, 2009)

DH is the master at our house. Just a few random anecdotes that come to mind:

Once DH was driving DD home in the car. I don't remember what the issue was, but she was getting near to meltdown wanting to be home already (maybe hungry). DH started mock yelling at the cars in front of him: "Hey! Green car! Go faster! We need to be home!" DD almost immediately joined in. They spent the rest of the ride yelling, which I'm sure also got a little old for DH after a few minutes, but it was way better than a meltdown.

Also, DH can sometimes encourage DD to eat something by pretending to be the food. "Aiiiii! Don't eat me!!!!!! I'm just an innocent chick pea!!!!!! HELLPPP!!" which makes her giggle and ruthlessly chomp on the poor chick pea.


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## Shakti77 (Dec 31, 2008)

My friend A is a natural at playful parenting....she taught me a few tricks this October. It was just after that time, I started reading Lawrence Cohen. I could easily relate to how that method works. Initially it was a bit awkward for me but with a bit of gentle hand-holding from my friend, I slowly eased into it.

Sometimes if DD's being very trying, I squeeze her with a big bear hug and tell her very dramatically 'I'm going to squeeze you and smush you and put you in a bottle and drink you with a purple straw'.... She starts giggling saying 'Noooooooooooo!!'

Before this, the potty training was hard and was becoming a control issue (for me and her)... then we tried potty training with this playful mindset as well... We'd put the Dora potty seat on the toilet and ask 'Please, please.. Can I use your pretty toilet seat... Oh! It's looks so nice.' She'd giggle with a 'No! It'd break if you use, mommy' and run to the potty. When we go out, I'd say 'I heard they have a very nice soap to wash hands, it smells sooooo good! Do you want to try it?' and then when we reach the bathroom, she's use the potty just to be able to try the soap.









Washing hair used to be so tough with screams... Then at grandma's place we had white colored creamy shampoo and creamy white soap... I told her it was snow white shampoo and snow white soap. She just loved that idea and loved that bath....It was a lightbulb moment for me!







Now we have magical princess shampoo and princess soap for her at home now. [just an all natural handmade soap, smells of roses and is in the pink color that she's crazy about - we just named it 'magical princess soap and shampoo'. It's hers. We use other soaps and shampoos.]

Once when she refused to drink soups, I made her a golden colored broth and added a bit of ghee to it when the soup was hot.. It looked like sparkles...So, I told her 'it is the fairy soup!! Whenever we make that soup at home, the fairy visits and sprinkles some fairy dust in kid's bowls...' She has seen Tinkerbell and knows about fairy dust, so this worked like magic. The soup got drunk in no time.

We still have some tough moments at home -> when we are stressed out, or when the house is messy or when we are tired. And I'm just a beginner and have a long way to go.

This thread is a wonderful idea, as we all can learn from each other.


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

I cannot list all my examples - i've never read Cohen, it just seems that i naturally do things his way.

Well, i say "i", in fact DD's bedtime soft toy has been raising her since she was about 18months old


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## Hokulele (Mar 2, 2005)

Great thread!


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## sarahr (Mar 29, 2007)

Great thread! My DH too is better than I am at remembering to be playful when my instinct is to lose patience. Generally, "Woofy," her stuffed dog, can get her to do many, many things that I can't.


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## Vancouver Mommy (Aug 15, 2007)

To alleviate the regular mealtime complaints, my sister used to occasionally provide only an assortment of cooking utensils for eating rather than regular forks and spoons. The kids could pick from an assortment of mixing spoons, pasta strainers, spatulas, whisks, etc. It was messy but the kids loved it and it became a challenge to see who could get the most food into their mouths.


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## woodchick (Jan 5, 2007)

DH does this great robot voice when he wants DD1 to do something that she's fighting against, say coming to the table. And he uses big words that she can't resist laughing at: "Cath-er-ine. Your presence is requested at the dinner table immediately. Please proceed to the table posthastly..." all in a monotone roboty voice.

He uses it sparingly, but it gets her every time!

I tend to turn my frustrations into song. I'll make up little melodies and the lyrics come from the event at the moment, "Get into the car, get into your seat. Slide into the straps and clap your feet!" Or some such nonesense!


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## crittersmum (Feb 26, 2008)

'Love this thread!

When DD (2 1/2 years old) is having a meltdown, sometimes her cat puppet can help her calm down the rest of the way. The cat's at arms length from me, so she doesn't feel crowded;all it does is say "Meow" so she doesn't feel lectured at; and the cat can sniff her feet and hands to help DD re-establish a connection and build a bridge between us. Yay, White Kitty!

I feel like a goddess when I can turn a potential meltdown into giggles, although I gotta' say, it's nice to go to work a few days a week, where I don't have to make a puppet sing, "Hey boss! Could you get me that memmmmmooooo!"


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## emilys_mom1 (Nov 2, 2005)

Aletheia said:


> Hi-
> I went out to the living room to look, said, "well, he's not in here. you keep looking, DH, and I'll go back in the room and look some more." He was in bed, covers pulled up, eyes gleaming.
> 
> 
> > So did he stay in the bed though? I think that would work for me at first, but I think he would continue to get out of bed to keep playing the game. Mine is almost 4.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

My 3 yo DD has been "riding" an imaginary pink "motorcycle" around the house for days now (from her body movements and hand positions, it looks more she's riding an imaginary foot-powered (think Razor) scooter, but she calls it a motorcycle). Yesterday, we had about 30 minutes at the playground before I had to get back home (walking distance) to get ready for work. Anyway, she and the baby were having a lot of fun, and so she was resistant to leaving. Totally understandable. But I had the baby in the sling, and I just can.not. pick them both up at the same time, especially not when the big one is fighting me.

I started to see the resistance and tension building in the 3 yo. I started to hear a particular annoyance and hardness in my voice. I stopped and said: "Hey! I totally forgot! Your motorcycle is in my back pocket! You want to come get it out or should I get it?" Totally changed the mood. She stuck her hand in the pocket of my jeans, yelled "Got it!" and off we went. One slinging a baby, one riding an imaginary pink motorcycle.

It's amazing what can "fit" in my back pocket! (No comments about how big my butt must be to fit a motorcycle in there!)


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## Surfacing (Jul 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *seashells* 
Also, DH can sometimes encourage DD to eat something by pretending to be the food. "Aiiiii! Don't eat me!!!!!! I'm just an innocent chick pea!!!!!! HELLPPP!!" which makes her giggle and ruthlessly chomp on the poor chick pea.









We do that at our house with dd1. We call her The Salad Monster. We say to leaves on a fork as they are slowly heading towards her mouth: "No, no, it's The Salad Monster! Don't eat me! NOOOO!!! DON'T EAT ME!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" and then she eats with big gusto.


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## choosewisdom (Apr 29, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *_betsy_* 
It's amazing what can "fit" in my back pocket! (No comments about how big my butt must be to fit a motorcycle in there!)

LMBO! You made me laugh out loud. Good thing my neighbors are 30 yards away, or I may have startled them...


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

emilys_mom1 said:


> Aletheia said:
> 
> 
> > Hi-
> ...


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## flower01 (Aug 1, 2007)

Love this thread. I've been wanting to get the book. Love the ideas.


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## Mom'n it (Nov 3, 2005)

I'm enjoying this thread too.

I'm wondering if there is any way to help deal with boundary issues while using this playful parenting? With myself and DS, and him around other kids. I'm not quite sure if that would fit, but I'm looking for any help!







He's just not listening and not respecting other people's space. I tend to react very firmly (mostly because he's hurting other people ie, jumping on, pulling clothes, very excited behavior...), but I wonder if I can somehow make the dealing with this and him understanding it more seriously with a lighter approach?? I dunno. Just a thought.

I think a lot of this is about letting go. It's easier to be grumpy (sometimes) and it's easy to forget to laugh when stressed. This is a great reminder that struggles don't have to such downers!







Laughter is way much better, methinks.


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

Mom'n it, if that were my child, I think I might make a game out of people having "personal space bubbles" that could be patted (air pat, a couple of feet out from the person) or "air hugged" and the like. Maybe run around. Maybe bounced off of. That would be a funny one for a really physical kid.

And the person inside the personal space bubble could decide when to push their own release button, dropping the bubble and opening them up to tackles/hugs/etc.

Just an idea!


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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

Quote:

Other folks who have read more of Cohen, or parented longer-- what do you do when the kiddo wants to replay a game over and over, and thus preforms the undesirable behavior over and over? If we want to stick to specifics, what do you do with the kid who wants to pop out of bed to be lost and then found again?
You just sort of step in in that moment when the laughing is settling down and the child is happy and hasn't yet turned their mind to the next "game" and kiss them and say firmly "night night sweetheart". It sounds weird now i read it, but i can easily identify the moment when i can step in and redirect the situation. I guess you use the playfulness to avoid an ugly confrontation or change the mood before a tantrum appears, and then once the mood is smoothed out and happy again you can go on with whatever you were doing. I don't make EVERYTHING a game, i just use playfulness to diffuse problems and issues, and once they are diffused i go on with the original aim of whatever we were doing - for example tonight i was brushing DD's tight curly hair (always very snaggy and painful no matter how slow i go) and while i do it the "hairhog" (the hairbrush) "talks" to DD about how lovely her hair is, what she did today, how sad it is that it doesn't have a tail (DH whacked me playfully on the butt with it and the handle snapped off!) and so on. Then when her hair is done she thanks it. On the odd occasion she wants to go on talking to the hairhog the hairhog tells her (in his own voice of course) that he REALLY wants to hear the bedtime stories DD has chosen for Mama to read - and so she lies downso they can listen to a story.


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## ihugtrees (Oct 16, 2008)

Aletheia said:


> emilys_mom1 said:
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> > Quote:
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## GoBecGo (May 14, 2008)

ihugtrees said:


> Aletheia said:
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> > Quote:
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## OGirlieMama (Aug 6, 2006)

Getting my kids into the car has been a major pain for me since they were able to walk. They dawdle, play with stuff, etc. Lately I've had a lot of luck racing them into the car. They're not racing each other (because Faber and Mazlish told me that was a bad strategy







) - they're racing me. It's amazing that they always manage to get into their carseats and buckled before I even step into my own seat. Did I mention I'm the one who does the buckling?


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## jewelsJZ (Jan 10, 2008)

DS1 gets easily frustrated when he can't get his coat on because the arms are pulled inside out or something. He'll start screaming and having a complete meltdown so I'll take the coat and say, "Listen here, coat. Are you giving ds a hard time? You need to get onto ds's arms right now or I'm gonna wrestle you. What? You're not going to do it? Well, okay." And then I pretend to wrestle with the coat and get it onto his arms, as if the coat is resisting and fighting with me. He thinks this is hilarious. Dd then asks me to do that to her coat.

This method also works with resistant socks, uncooperative mittens and belligerent pants.


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## Mom'n it (Nov 3, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aletheia* 
Mom'n it, if that were my child, I think I might make a game out of people having "personal space bubbles" that could be patted (air pat, a couple of feet out from the person) or "air hugged" and the like. Maybe run around. Maybe bounced off of. That would be a funny one for a really physical kid.

And the person inside the personal space bubble could decide when to push their own release button, dropping the bubble and opening them up to tackles/hugs/etc.

Just an idea!


That's a great idea! I'll try it, and if you have any more, pass em along







Maybe like a king midas type of thing.. like "oooh don't touch them, or they'll turn into gold/or a statue!" if that isn't a scary concept hehe


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## themamamama (Jul 1, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *jewelsJZ* 
This method also works with resistant socks, uncooperative mittens and belligerent pants.









Belligerent pants.

I'm enjoying your examples, but not one of them would work for us. Has anyone tried playful parenting with an ASD kiddo? I love the idea, but DS does not respond to games the way most kids would. Anything I turn into a game just reinforces undesirable behavior.


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## emilys_mom1 (Nov 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *themamamama* 







Belligerent pants.

I'm enjoying your examples, but not one of them would work for us. Has anyone tried playful parenting with an ASD kiddo? I love the idea, but DS does not respond to games the way most kids would. Anything I turn into a game just reinforces undesirable behavior.









I completely agree with this. For my family, it just reinforces the bad behavior and they want to do it more so I will play.


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## webjefita (Aug 16, 2003)

Love it, great thread!! I feel inspired.

Okay, more on pottying. I have a 3.5 yo who has stopped trying to get to the potty on time. He has a 7mo old baby sister. He started to regress when she was born, and also people kept comparing him to the baby (if you're going to pee in your pants, I guess you're a baby too) Argh!!

I used to be able to say, "Oh, I bet you're going to get to the potty on time! Good for you!" and he would run and say "I did it!" But now he REFUSES. Then he pees, takes off his clothes, and wants to be naked (more accidents around the house). Help! How can I be playful about this?


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Over Thanksgiving, I had a good one. My niece, 4 yo, loves milk a LOT and will fuss if offered water instead. We'd been playing a game where she was drinking "coffee" at a restaurant with me as a waiter at lunch one day. Then the next day she started to get upset that my MIL offered her water and I thought quickly and asked if she wanted "coffee like yesterday?" She promptly agreed, but reassured my MIL (who hadn't asked) that the coffee was really water.

And she did happily have water for lunch, and only had two cups of milk that day. Which is what her parents had been hoping would happen, but they didn't think it was important enough to fight over.


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## sapphire_chan (May 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *webjefita* 
Love it, great thread!! I feel inspired.

Okay, more on pottying. I have a 3.5 yo who has stopped trying to get to the potty on time. He has a 7mo old baby sister. He started to regress when she was born, and also people kept comparing him to the baby (if you're going to pee in your pants, I guess you're a baby too) Argh!!

I used to be able to say, "Oh, I bet you're going to get to the potty on time! Good for you!" and he would run and say "I did it!" But now he REFUSES. Then he pees, takes off his clothes, and wants to be naked (more accidents around the house). Help! How can I be playful about this?

Well, see if ECing his sister encourages him to use the potty too. On the playful end of things, make pottying a game, like watering pretend underwater plants in the toilet, or really set out a group of things you don't mind cleaning out, like a bunch of jars or something on a tray. Then he can try different games with that.


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## moyer.amber (Sep 26, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *major_mama11* 
My DH is much better at Playful Parenting than I am, so here's one of his...

When DD is balking about going home from someone's house, refusing to put on her jacket, bracing for a standoff, he will make a big show of saying, "OK, I guess this jacket is for me to wear, then. Arrrghhh, how does this work..." and then he makes a big show of straining to fit his arms into her little sleeves.

Inevitably, she starts to giggle and grabs it from him and insists on putting it on all by herself.

that's lovely, my husband is much better than i as well...also he's smaller, stretched out a christmas onesie in fact!


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## LankyLizards (Mar 11, 2007)

This thread is fantastic. I have been trying playful parenting techniques for the past few days and have already seen dramatically positive results. My DD is a very sweet girl who gets genuinely hurt when I yell at her. I have also realized that most of time she has the best intentions, so using playful "disciplining" really helps her. She giggles about whatever we are doing (which usually becomes tickling at some point) and then says "Ohh, I see now." She is 4. Another thing that helps is singing. Lots of making up silly songs, which she is much better at than me.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

Love this book


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## Aletheia (Oct 20, 2005)

linking to other similar thread (it's the archivist in me.)

http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1184098


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