# How to get a 2 year old diapered, dressed, and out the door?



## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

I feel like I've tried everything (offering choices, no choices, singing songs, playing games, you name it). We just can't seem to get diapers and clothes on in the morning. It doesn't matter if we're going somewhere or staying home or rushing or not. DD (26 months old) WANTS clothes but can't decide. I can sometimes distract and get them on, but if she discoves it, sometimes she takes them back off. Limited choices don't work- she just says no to all and wants to put them all back. I'm trying to stay really positive and not make a power struggle. I praise her for knowing what her clothes are called, what the colors are, etc. We talk about which clothes fit the weather...I even cleaned out her clothes drawer and left only the basics for fewer choices. It's neat that she's interested, and that she can put clothes on herself, etc, but exhausting! Thanks for any advice you have!


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## siddie (Jan 15, 2003)

My ds did that a lot too when he was that age. I found that allowing a lot of extra time to get dressed helped. Once, we were going to be late for an appt and he kept on stalling so I said, well, we have to leave now and picked him up in his pj's and put him in his carseat. He had a fit, I want clothes, not in my pajamas!!! Of course I had his clothes in the car so we were able to change quickly right there. I think it really was mostly about wanting to have control for my son.


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Thanks, Siddie. I tried to just put DD in the car today but she kicked and screamed and I just couldn't force her. What am I going to do when it gets cold?!


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## Alexander (Nov 22, 2001)

Let her feel the cold. She'll better understand why making a decision makes sense.

a


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## Lil'M (Oct 27, 2002)

I second Alexander's advice. Last winter, my 2 year old always fought putting on a jacket when we had to take her older sister to school. So for a few days I let her get in the car without a jacket on and brought the jacket with us. As soon as we got in the car she was cold and wanted to put the jacket over herself as a blanket. After a few times of this, she stopped fighting putting on the jacket. I think actually feeling how cold it was without a jacket helped her understand what it was for, and that it wasn't just some annoying thing mom was trying to make her do.


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## Alexander (Nov 22, 2001)

Quite right!

We must get out of the habbit of thinking for our children, and alow them to figure things out for themselves.

a


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

yeah, that's what i figured about the cold. but what about for now? just take her everywhere in a diaper if i can manage to get that on? she wants clothes, just can't decide which ones no matter how few or many the choices.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I give my children a certain amount of time to decide. then I choose. If they refuse to put them on the either go in thier pajamas (I could care) and if they aren't dressed for the weather thier problem not mine they can solve it however they need to (beg thier friends for an outfit, grab one on the way out, find one of the many floating around in the car, ask me very nicely to allow them to quickly run in and grab something (OK but I am counting to 100 and then leaving with or without you - suddenly what to wear is not so complicated. what ever is handy will do)

I recommend reading "Parenting with love and logic" the main philosophy is childen are allowed to make thier lives as complicated as possible but it doesn't have to make yours complicated - won't put thier shoes on? You go barefoot. won't pick up thier toys in the living room, give them one warning and then get rid of them. This works bvetter with a bit of an older child but young ones seem to learn quickly too. My discriptions sound kinda harsh in writing but read the book. It essentially puts the responsibilty on the child, gives them natural consequences and you don't have to feel bad for thier bad choices.


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## captain optimism (Jan 2, 2003)

Caveat: I do not have a two year old, so I don't know if my advice will be helpful.

How about making it a regular routine to pick out clothes the night before? You can make part of the task listening to the weather report.

I do remember babysitting for a friend of mine when she was (I think) three and she liked to change her clothes all the time! So if your dd is like her, she might change her mind overnight!


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

My 3 year old changes clothes at least 6 times a day. she freaks out if she gets a drop of water on her. So she is always in variuos stages of getting dressed. . Sometimes I just have to draw the line and leave wether she is dressed or not.


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## MamaLeen (Nov 21, 2001)

Don't forget who is the parent here! A 2 year old is not equipped to make choices, that is why she can not decide. Although I think there is a trend in our generation to allow children a lot of choices, I personally think that is misguided. A child learns to make choices by having adults who model this for them. By making choices all day long, they see you doing it, and then, when they are older, like 7, they can learn to make choices on their own. I am not talking about simple unimportant choices like whether they want an apple or a banana for a snack - that is fine. I am taking about big choices, like a closet full of clothes - it is overwhelming for them. Think of the same scenario in terms of food. You would never say to young children "What should I make you for dinner?" You would end up making pancakes for one and pizza for the other every night! The parent is responsile for providing a variety of nutritional offerings. IT is the same with clothes, or with what activities you will do that day. Parent picks out the clothes and decides what clothes are appropriate for the weather and activity planned for that day. In my opinion, children who are left to make too many choices when they are small will grow up to be adults who are unable to make choices at all (I know adults like that - their lives are chaos). There are articles on this subject but I do not know exactly where to send you. Perhaps Eugene Schwartz?


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## bouyant (Jul 28, 2003)

I have 3 children 3 and under who run around naked more or less.







I had too realize that if it took threats and screams to get them dressed to go to the park "for them", something was wrong. Maybe they would rather play chase around the house, or see how fast we can get undressed. So I relaxed and figured if I was really doing it for them, I'd play what they want - so we play with clothes all morning and have fun








The thing that helps me the best when we Have to go somewhere, is a video I saw on how to really listen. Not putting on clothes may not have as much to do with the clothes as that thay know you will pay attention to them if there is something you Need them to do. Yes you could call it a power trip on the kids part, but it may simply be the easiest way for them to say (lets spend some time together). So I try to address what they're really trying to tell me, not the clothes. I sometimes play chase or pick the clothes before and after I get them dressed, so that they don't feal like they have to stay undressed in order to hold center stage.















lots of love - 2 yr olds are hard - sometimes it just depends on the individual kids personality, sometimes the best advise is wait a couple of years.


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## Leonor (Dec 25, 2001)

What about when the 2yr old just likes one shirt and seems to dislike new clothes?


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

count your blessings







it will significantly reduce the amount of laundry you have to wash







make a deal with him., if you can wash it at night at least evry other night he can wear it in the morning. If i could be so lucky . . .


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## becoming (Apr 11, 2003)

I don't have this problem with my son, as he could care less what I put on him on any given day and would probably let me dress him in a tutu and angel wings. However, my niece sounds a lot like your daughter. She stalls majorly any time you want to dress her, and actually would prefer to run around completely naked and pee and poop all over the house if you'd let her. The thing we've found that works for her is telling her she can go outside, go to the park, or whatever if she lets us dress her, and not until then. We don't present it in a demanding way, just in a way so that she thinks we're letting her decide between (a) getting dressed and going outside or (b) not getting dressed and staying inside. Usually she picks getting dressed.

Hope you find something that works for you! Your predicament sounds adorable but frustrating all at the same time!


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Just got back in town. Thanks for the replies. I didn't start by giving her choices. I'd pick something out and she's say, "No, not that!" Then I'd offer another choice and say to pick. Neither would do. She can open her drawer and would just put them back. I've emptied the drawer to just a few acceptable basics. She did pretty well with choices when we were out of town, and I think some of it is sinking in, like dirty clothes are dirty and can be worn once we wash them. I did have to put her in the car naked to get to an appt, but she was totally willing to be diapered and dressed when we got there. Sometimes she just needs a save-face way out.

Really, thanks for the ideas!


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## sunbaby (Sep 30, 2002)

our dd is two and a half and highly resistant to getting dressed, or diaper changes- she clamps her legs togeather and no kind of cajoling will convince her to do otherwise, untill i just shrug and walk away and say in the most disspassionate voice i can manage, "ok, i will be in the other room doing such and such untill you are ready to have your diaper put on" (not in a punishing withdrawing mode, just a super patient unconcerned mode). it's never been more than 30 seconds before she is pleading for me to put on her diaper, and then i make it a very cheery and fun thing to have the diaper put on. someone else brought this up, too- she wants my attention, and will do whatever seems most effective at getting it.


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## sunbaby (Sep 30, 2002)

ps- i agree with mamaleen, except in cases where children really seem to be asking for choices and giving choices solves the problem, i'd avoid them at this age. in my experience, with MY dd, it only muddles the issue and sends her deeper into tantrum territory because she is overwhelmed. but i think i do hear where you are coming from: you started offering choices because it wasnt working w/o them either. i have been down that road so many times...







:


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Thanks, Sunbaby. Sometimes that technique of going in the other room, nicely, to do something else works, but other times it really sets her off. I'll try it again.


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## z-girl (Nov 28, 2001)

Today's update: got her in the shower just fine this morning, but things broke down around getting diapered and dressed. She was heading towards full blown tantrum, and I just said over and over, "We're getting dressed now." She didn't want THAT diaper or THOSE clothes, but I just told her that it was mommy's turn to choose today. She cried and wasn't easy to get diapered or dressed, but she didn't tear them all off, which was a bonus. In a sense, I think she was relieved that I picked. She was fine once we were in the car. I asked her if she felt any better or if she was still sad, and she said that she was sad that she didn't get to pick her diaper, but felt better and was glad that we were going to the park. A change of scene sure helps!


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## Potty Diva (Jun 18, 2003)

Since I started working I have had to learn how to get Kailey and I showered, dressed and out the door by 7 am. I start by picking out our clothing the night before and getting everything we need ready by the door. I also have started bathing her at night. Sometimes I am tired, but doing it is so worth the extra tiem in the morning it gives us.

Sometimes Kailey doesn't want to wear what I have picked out, so she goes and picks out her own clothes(we haven't had an issue of her not knowing what to wear - yet







) Most times she puts on things that totally do not match and are sometimes not weather appropriate. BUT, in the grand scheme of things it really does matter. I always take a change of matching clothes with me though just in case I get a chance to change her







People at work(she is in my class) must think I am weird- but I don't care









My advice..plan ahead...be prepared for a tantrum...and allow yourself enough time before an appointment/outting to be lesiurely


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