# Loss at 28 weeks



## MommyChani (Apr 8, 2002)

B"H

It seems that our baby (not our first) is no longer with us, I will be induced tonight, any suggestions, been there done that, would be greatly appreciate it. May we share only good news in the future.


----------



## Strong Mama (Feb 7, 2006)

Im so sorry mama.


----------



## Smidge (Aug 29, 2007)

I'm so sorry mama. Some good friends of ours went through this at 29wks. They said it was gut wrenching. I would enlist the help of your friends/family to keep your household in order, e.g., cooking, cleaning, etc.

I'm praying for you


----------



## L J (Apr 6, 2006)

Oh, mama, I am so sorry. My advice to you is to see your baby. Hold your baby as much as you can, have pictures made, have the hospital do the bereavement box. Call Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to have good pictures taken.

I made the mistake of not doing these things when my son was born in August, and I do have regrets.

Have a friend or relative call local funeral homes for you. Most will cremate or bury a child free. We didn't pay anything for our son's cremation. Inform whoever you delegate this task to to keep calling until they find a place that is receptive.

If people ask you what they can do - tell them to bring food or come clean your house. Don't worry about being too bossy. They are asking, so tell them. You probably aren't going to want to eat for a while, but your other child/children will, and you aren't going to want to cook.

Be gentle with yourself, mama. Come here when you need to - there are a lot of us here that have been through similar, we are here for you. Grief is a long, long road - but no one should have to do it alone.

I'll be thinking about you tonight.


----------



## lavatea (Aug 24, 2009)

I lost #3 at 18 weeks (baby died around 14), but I went through it at home. To me it was just like my live births, except the baby was so small there wasn't any vaginal pressure (crowning). But the contractions were just the same.

I DEFINITELY ditto getting in touch with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (or ask a friend to call them for you). They retouched images I took of my son, but it would have been so much better to have had professional pictures taken of him.

Saying a little prayer for you.


----------



## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I second everything that has been said.
It is crucial that you accept help you will most likely need it.
all of the above advice is good and take as many pics a you can.

lavatea- I didn't know you could get the images touched up. I might look into that. We didn't do nilmdts bcs I read somewhere on their site that the baby had to be 25 wks (i think) I will look into having my own images retouched though.


----------



## lavatea (Aug 24, 2009)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *theboysmama* 
lavatea- I didn't know you could get the images touched up. I might look into that. We didn't do nilmdts bcs I read somewhere on their site that the baby had to be 25 wks (i think) I will look into having my own images retouched though.

Someone that's a NILMDTS member contacted me on another forum and offered to upload my photos for me. I'm not sure how you go about doing it yourself, but maybe there are details on their site.


----------



## Milk8shake (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm pretty sure there is a member or two here that has experience in retouching as well... Of course my mind is blank as who, but maybe they will stick their heads in.

Mama, so sorry for your loss. You could also get in touch with the local SANDS or SHARE... My local SANDS office often advocates for women in your position so that you are not rushed or anything by the hospital staff. It's important to make sure that you are put in touch with social workers or counsellors also.

Maybe you can speak to the hospital about which ward you will be on, some women find it very difficult to be on the post natal ward.


----------



## Megan73 (May 16, 2007)

Everything Laura said - hold your baby, bathe your baby, take pictures. There is never enough time but try to be together as a family.
Thinking of you...


----------



## MommyChani (Apr 8, 2002)

BH

Thank you so much for your warm thoughts and suggestions...


----------



## Paeta16 (Jul 24, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss!!

I lost my son at 23 weeks in July. I was expecting labour to be easier b/c he wasn't full-term, but it was much more difficult, actually. I had morphine/gravol and an epidural in the end but it was all very painful and emotionally torturous really (trying to be honest here).

Make sure you hold your baby. Focus on his/her tiny feet and hands b/c often (in my case for sure) the baby is purple depending on how long ago he/she passed. Cherish your time spent with your child as it will help you get through the days/weeks/months ahead. Do take pictures or call NILMDTS. In my case, NILMDTS couldn't come so we took pictures ourselves. Get footprints and handprints done. The hospital will probably do all of this for you but just make sure.

Leaving the hospital and having to plan a funeral instead is indescribably horrible. Having to go through all the post-partum issues without a baby to care for is awful.

Sage Tea (which is disgusting, btw) and binding helped to suppress my milk supply over the course of a few days.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I am very sorry you and your family have to go through this. I wish nobody ever had to deal with this type of loss.


----------



## WaitingForKiddos (Nov 30, 2006)

I agree with what has been posted.

Sage tea....drink it often. I put vanilla creamer in mine and it helped. I can't stand the smell of creamer now though.

Know that this is crazy making. You may have scary feelings. This is normal.
You may have an intense need to get pregnant as soon as possible. This is normal.
Your marriage might hit a rough patch. This is normal.
You may hate people with babies. This is normal.

Go slow. Remember to honor your body and your mind. Surround your self with only love.

When you're ready to talk we are here. Feel free to pm us.

Also...about your milk. Beyond the sage tea... some of us expressed a bit of our baby's milk and then used it for other things. I expressed some to eventually be poured over her ashes. There's also beautiful milk necklaces made from your milk which is put in a glass pendant.


----------



## tngirl11 (Dec 16, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for comfort and peace for you.


----------



## Ackray (Feb 11, 2004)

I'm so sorry.


----------



## Wendlynnn (Oct 14, 2009)

I'm so sorry for your loss. Check out:
National Council of Jewish Women. It seems they might have pregnancy loss support in your area.

refuah shlema and







s


----------



## MommyChani (Apr 8, 2002)

BH

Thank you again, you are all so amazing and supportive. My baby was born 24hours after induction, although they gave me morphine for the pain, it did not relieve it at all, perhaps because I asked for it too late...they gave me a double dose, it made me woozy and tired but did not relieve the pain, anyway, it wasn't unbearable and did not last long, I guess I needed to really feel her come out. I am home now and getting ready to break the news to my other children. Thank you again for your support.


----------



## MI_Dawn (Jun 30, 2005)

I am so very sorry for your loss.


----------



## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss of your daughter.
You are in my thoughts, Mama.


----------



## [email protected] (Sep 7, 2010)

Oh, how painfully tragic & horrible. I'm very sorry for your loss.


----------



## escher (May 3, 2004)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


----------

