# WWYT--man with baby...



## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

My husband is a writer. I'll be returning to work when the new baby is about 6 weeks old. The baby will be staying home with daddy during the day while I work (I've got the stable income and insurance that covers our medical care, especially my son's autism therapies.) One thing we were talking about was during the day, especially on very warm days, he might take the baby out to Starbucks or the mall food court in order to do his writing as our apartment does not have air conditioning. Would you think it odd to see a guy with a little-bitty baby and a mom nowhere around?


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## Zach'smom (Nov 5, 2004)

No. why would it be odd for a dad to take his baby out?


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## Sasharna (Nov 19, 2008)

Not at all! I always feel happy when I see involved fathers.


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## shayinme (Jan 2, 2005)

I would think nothing at all, and I think its sad when people do see a Dad with a young child and wonder about Mom....its really no one's business. Sorry, if I seem negative but many of the local Moms that meet at the playgroups around me have been plain rude and even nasty to Dad's who come. In one case its a gay couple who are friends of mine and they have a daughter, they no longer will take their daughter to storytime because the Moms were so standoffish.







:









I know we also had a few SAHD's who also felt they didn't get treated fairly,I was a SAHM for the first year of my dd's life but my dh who works from home would sometimes take her out (so Mama could get a break) and he said sometimee folks would give him the strange eye.

I guess I just think that these days there are so many ways to be as far as families, so I would assume nothing other than a Dad out with his kid, I wouldn't even assume the Dad is a stay at home parent since my dh works from home but can flexibility to hang out.

Shay


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## kay4 (Nov 30, 2004)

No. I would think daddy took the baby out, or that it was a sahd


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## mags (May 4, 2004)

Nope. Not weird at all. I have a friend who is a sahd and he belongs to a moms group, lol.


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## amandaleigh37 (Jul 13, 2006)

I wouldn't think much of it.... though it's not something I see often around here, so I'd probably wonder to myself if he was a SAHD//etc., and maybe glance at his hand for a wedding ring, just for curiosity's sake! But honestly I'd think it was pretty cool that he was taking care of the baby.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Not odd at all. In fact, it's what Mr Toona does with DD.


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## Kappa (Oct 15, 2007)

Not totally the same, but strangers grin up a storm when they see my DH carrying my son. Besides the fact they look exactly alike, I think people like to see Daddies as caregivers.

I wouldn't worry as much about people thinking it's weird as the other Mommies/ladies taking too much interest in your DH. Have you every seen that movie Little Children?


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## ASusan (Jun 6, 2006)

DH did primary parenting from 4-9 mos. I predict that your DS will get a LOT of attention, primarily from women. They will coo more over the baby, ask to hold it...much more so than when you're around. This was my DH's experience. It kind of creeped him out because it was so dramatically different than when I was also with them. He especially didn't like it when women would offer/ask to hold DS - sometimes while reaching for him! He was very cautious about these women. DH's response (to me, privately and afterward) was along the lines of, "If just one of them turns out to be mentally unstable and takes DS, who are the cops going to believe? The women running with the baby or the big, black man chasing after her?"

EAT - Kappa and I were posting at the same time. I haven't seen the movie - and probably won't!


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## confustication (Mar 18, 2006)

My husband is the SAHP, he does get a lot of weird attention from women cooing and so on (and holy cow, the single mom 'I want a Daddy for my kids' types can be very direct!), he also gets dealt the bs about why he stays home while I work. He feels excluded from the little kid/parent stuff on occasion because they are very Mommy and me things, and they were really standoffish with him for a long while.

This is what works for us. If people want to be stuck in 1950 and think it wrong, so be it.


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

Maybe it is just where I live, but it is no odder to see a dad alone with a baby at Starbucks or the mall than it is to see a mom alone with a baby out and about. Nobody even notices, I don't think. At least the dads I know never had any extra attention or comments.


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## Tigerchild (Dec 2, 2001)

Would I?

No. But the blunt truth is that it's very highly likely that your DH *will* experience fear and discrimination as a SAHD. He may also experience a lot of unwanted come-ons too...but in the experience of people I know it's more likely to be the former.

So I think that it's a good idea for him to be aware that he may get some strange reactions, and may feel self-conscious for a bit, but that he will get used to it...and it's really just too damned bad for the people who are unable to keep themselves from being jerks.


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## Alyantavid (Sep 10, 2004)

I wouldn't think anything at all. My dh has Mondays off and our 2 year old stays home with him. Before, when he was self-employed, he almost always had one kid or the other with him. I'd suggest finding a carrier/sling that your dh likes to make it easier on him. We had one sling that dh was able to use and loved.


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## Smokering (Sep 5, 2007)

When I worked in a mall I always used to smile seeing dads out with their babies.







I wouldn't think it was weird at all!


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## ellee (Oct 1, 2008)

I was wondering similar things to the OP about my husband taking our baby out alone, which I suspect he will as he likes to take walks. While the results have said that people wouldn't think twice about it, with the other thread about the 'large' school director talking to a young girl outside a classroom, I seriously wonder if it's true that it wouldn't be looked at askance.


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## Ruthla (Jun 2, 2004)

I would think "aww, cute baby!".

Around here there are a lot of families who work split shifts, so seeing dads with babies and little kids is a pretty common sight (though not as common as seeing moms with babies.)

I'd actually be LESS comfortable cooing at the baby and approaching a dad/baby duo than a mom/baby duo. I'm just more comfortable around women than men- no sexual tension to worry about.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Ooh, I had not even considered the thought of other women coming onto him--especially the "I want a daddy for my kids" type. He does not wear his wedding ring (gained weight and it became uncomfy). Also







my dad was the custodial parent of my brother and me, but when I see a kid out with a guy, my first thought is still, "wonder where mom is".

(He'd jaunt all over town with DD#1 while I was in Korea, but she was 5 and he was homeschooling her. I wonder if there were other issues than 'its best for her education' in the decision to send her to stay with her grandparents (MIL & FIL) )


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

Piece of advice (and I hate to have to give it)...

Take pics of your baby, have them printed at CVS as wallets and put them in your DH's wallet. Keep them current too.

When DD was 2.5, we moved to a new neighborhood right by the library and it was nice out so DH walked with DD to the library. On the way she got stung by fire ants and she dropped her purse which made her cry so someone called the police. The first thing the police asked for was if DH had a pic of DD in his wallet. He didn't so the police tried to interrogate my 2.5 year old.







She didn't talk to strangers at that point and wouldn't sit with DH cause she was busy running all over the library. Finally she brought DH a book to read so the police decided she was really with him.

Not 6 months later a friend considered calling the police on a man walking with a little girl and a backpack down the alley. At going-to-school time.

With pics in the wallet, it is easy to prove the kid belongs to dad.









Oh and I posted about the incident here and most of the posters said, "better safe then sorry" about someone calling the police on DH.


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## SoCaliMommy (Jun 11, 2004)

No not wierd at all.
My sorta stepdad was a SAHD for a while he just recently went back to work, my half brother and half sister are almost 4 and almost 3. He would take them to the beach by himself a bunch.

One of my daughter's good friends that we met at a park is a SAHD with two girls.


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## veganone (May 10, 2007)

I think it's awesome that you will be able to have one parent SAH with the baby. I do think he'll get some looks, but so what?

I also did not have a baby that would let me sit and write at Starbucks at any age, but maybe you will!







I still cannot get ANY work done when I'm home with DD.

DH works, but he has odd hours at times and takes DD with him all over. He has since she was really tiny and has never had any issues.


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## kirstenb (Oct 4, 2007)

I love seeing dads out with their babies. Some of my favorite pics of DH and DS are ones where DS is in a sling on DH.

I do know a lot more women go up and talk to him and DS when I am not there, especially when he forgets to put on his wedding ring.

ETA: I think it is a good idea to have a recent picture of your LO in your wallet whether you are the dad or mom.


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## MtBikeLover (Jun 30, 2005)

Nope not at all. My DH is a SAHD and he was pretty accepted by moms.


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## peainthepod (Jul 16, 2008)

No, why would it be weird? It takes two people to make a baby, after all...







:


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

It'll make him a chick magnet.









Puppies and babies.


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## turtlewomyn (Jun 5, 2005)

DH was home with DD when she was 12 weeks until we put her in daycare at around 5.5 months old. He got lots of complements, and a lot of "Oh are you babysitting today?"







Lots of people thought it was wonderful. I wish it was more commonplace.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

I see men wearing babies around here all the time. I don't even think about the mom, unless I happen to see her with him. DH used to take dd out in a Snugli a lot...partly to let me rest, because she was really difficult (colicky, I guess) and I was having trouble bouncing back from my c-section. He never mentioned anybody reacting strangely to it.


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *nextcommercial* 
It'll make him a chick magnet.









My ex-FIL used to say he wanted to borrow ds1 as "woman bait".







:


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## meemee (Mar 30, 2005)

damn!!!! i feel sad that this is even a concern for you?!!! are you concerned about you being seen as irresponsible as a mom or is it about could the man abuse the baby (that's what first came to my mind).

i would go awwwww - now where can i find me a man like that!!! one of my good friends that i made in the park was a daddy with his kids. everytime i saw him i would be sooooo happy that sometime during the hours there i would at least once comment on how much i appreciate him being there for his kids. at that time of separation from my ex who wasnt that involved with my dd - daddy's with kids really stood out for me.

where i am - i see daddy's with various age kids all the time. and most of the time i think oh how sweet, mommy must be cooking dinner so daddy brings them to the park to give her a break.


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## Missy (Oct 22, 2002)

Most people won't have a problem with it. Like others have said, he'll probably get a lot of positive responses.

But, then, there will always be those individuals--we've even seen them on here (I think I saw one such thread today)--who will see a man with a baby or a child and assume "predator". Lalaland's suggestion about carrying a picture is, unfortunately, good advice.


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## nextcommercial (Nov 8, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
My ex-FIL used to say he wanted to borrow ds1 as "woman bait".







:

Didjya tell him to get a puppy?


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Missy* 
Most people won't have a problem with it. Like others have said, he'll probably get a lot of positive responses.

But, then, there will always be those individuals--we've even seen them on here (I think I saw one such thread today)--who will see a man with a baby or a child and assume "predator". Lalaland's suggestion about carrying a picture is, unfortunately, good advice.

Good excuse to get a nice family portrait done, too. Haven't had one in quite a while (if ever--dh always finds an excuse--usually the "I've nothing appropriate to wear"--I'm thinking let's just wear jeans and sweatshirts/t-shirts of our favorite sports team, then we'd all "match")


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## Ks Mama (Aug 22, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2lilsweetfoxes* 
My husband is a writer. I'll be returning to work when the new baby is about 6 weeks old. The baby will be staying home with daddy during the day while I work (I've got the stable income and insurance that covers our medical care, especially my son's autism therapies.) One thing we were talking about was during the day, especially on very warm days, he might take the baby out to Starbucks or the mall food court in order to do his writing as our apartment does not have air conditioning. Would you think it odd to see a guy with a little-bitty baby and a mom nowhere around?

No not weird... but... kind of off the main topic... does your husband really think he'll be getting lots of writing done out & about while in charge of a baby?

I worked from home & took my baby to work with me until around 10 mo, but only was able to actually work while baby slept during naps & then at night. Then once baby drops that 2nd nap... or if you are blessed with a colicky baby... or baby starts teething...

Well, let's just say we hired a nanny when our second was 4 mo. so I could actually WORK from home.


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## AniellasMommy (Aug 4, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *lalaland42* 
Piece of advice (and I hate to have to give it)...
Take pics of your baby, have them printed at CVS as wallets and put them in your DH's wallet. Keep them current too.

Hmmm thats good advice I wouldn't have even thought of. Sad world that we need to think of it but...









I would not think it was strange, though, unless I got a gut feeling that it was strange or something was a little umm off.


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ks Mama* 
No not weird... but... kind of off the main topic... does your husband really think he'll be getting lots of writing done out & about while in charge of a baby?

I worked from home & took my baby to work with me until around 10 mo, but only was able to actually work while baby slept during naps & then at night. Then once baby drops that 2nd nap... or if you are blessed with a colicky baby... or baby starts teething...

Well, let's just say we hired a nanny when our second was 4 mo. so I could actually WORK from home.









I've brought that up, but he's hoping/expecting that she'll be a content, easy baby. I hope he sells his manuscript soon so we can hire a nanny at least part time, if not make enough money to let me get out of the army this winter. We are too close to the bottom line to put her into daycare at the moment. However, we are setting up his office to double as a playroom for her.


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## mammastar2 (Dec 17, 2004)

I feel sad you would have to ask the question too!

Dh was a SAHD from when dd was very young. I don't think he got weird looks, particularly, or that he was a huge 'chick magnet.' The only thing was that in some cases, as dd got older, mothers were weird about playdates (like saying he could 'drop her off' when neither dd nor he had been to their place before and would be more comfortable coming in with his 3 year old to check it out and get her comfortable), and in one case dd lost a friend because the friend's dad didn't want his wife around a SAHD. So it can be lonely...

But sitting at a Starbucks? Shouldn't be a problem!


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## LynnS6 (Mar 30, 2005)

No.

My dh works from home and he's always been the dad with the baby/toddler (well, OK, not any more, since our kids are 4 1/2 and 7 1/2).

The only problems he had were connecting with other parents. The SAHM/WAHMs in our area weren't very welcoming. He never got invited for playdates, and it was often very awkward when he initiated a playdate suggestion. Eventually, he gave up.


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## Aufilia (Jul 31, 2007)

My husband has been a SAHD since I went back to work at 12 weeks... he has always felt like he got a relatively positive response from random people he has interacted with when in public with DD. He seems to get the "Oh, how cute, a daddy with a baby!" vibe from a lot of people.

All his bad experiences being a SAHD have been within organized mom activities. He has complained before that moms always socialize with the other moms and they never got invited to playgroups or anything and always give him the "oooo he might be a child molester" look.


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## prothyraia (Feb 12, 2007)

Not weird at all.

Though I will warn you both that there is a very strong possibility that there may be little to no writing happening. Babies can make that sort of thing very difficult.


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## limabean (Aug 31, 2005)

I wouldn't even notice. It never occurred to me to wonder what people think when my DH takes our kids out on his own. After reading this thread, I guess I'm glad that my DH happens to have pictures of the kids in his wallet, but how sad that that would even be necessary for any reason other than just being a proud papa!


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## MamaJenese (Aug 14, 2006)

There are two Dads that attend a library play group here that I go to with the kids. They are just part of the nieghborhood SAHP crew! They fit in just fine.


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## Whistler (Jan 30, 2009)

When I was pg with DS I was really sick, so as much as he could Hubby took DD out and about so I could sleep. He loved to take her places even when she was tiny... especially to coffee shops (one of her first words was "coppee shop"). He never had any strange looks that he mentioned. Also we have dads in our Parent-Toddler Co-op. It seems quite natural to me.


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## Aliviasmom (Jul 24, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Sasharna* 
Not at all! I always feel happy when I see involved fathers.









:


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## JudiAU (Jun 29, 2008)

If I noticed at all I would probably give him a smile.

My husband is a SAHD. People are much nicer to him when he is with out son than with me!


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## sunny*pa*mom (Mar 28, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadebug* 
Maybe it is just where I live, but it is no odder to see a dad alone with a baby at Starbucks or the mall than it is to see a mom alone with a baby out and about. Nobody even notices, I don't think. At least the dads I know never had any extra attention or comments.

It's the same way where I live. Last time we were at the indoor park there were as many dads as moms there. When I was very busy with work over the winter, dh would take days off of his job to care for our children and he loved chatting with the other parents at the park.


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## mamadebug (Dec 28, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *ellee* 
I was wondering similar things to the OP about my husband taking our baby out alone, which I suspect he will as he likes to take walks. While the results have said that people wouldn't think twice about it, with the other thread about the 'large' school director talking to a young girl outside a classroom, I seriously wonder if it's true that it wouldn't be looked at askance.

I saw that thread too. It made me think and think because I could see myself questioning a man taking a little girl out of the classroom, and feeling uncomfortable about it. To me, it seems like the potential for abuse seems greater in that situation. Seeing a dad out with a baby/kid seems more natural, and it wouldn't cause me to think twice. A dad, ideally, is an equal participant in his child's care. For him to be confined to the house while he is taking an active role in caring for his baby seems kind of weird. The way I see it, of course they would go out together. Maybe it has to do with the cultural norm of where you live - dads and babies out on their own are a pretty common thing around here. On the other hand, male directors of preschools are not that common around here. Add to that a few news stories about teachers abusing that power, and it can make people uncomfortable.


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## Lisa1970 (Jan 18, 2009)

No, I never even would have thought of that. I see it all the time. Kids and babies with dads.


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## Romana (Mar 3, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *shayinme* 
I would think nothing at all, and I think its sad when people do see a Dad with a young child and wonder about Mom....its really no one's business. Sorry, if I seem negative but many of the local Moms that meet at the playgroups around me have been plain rude and even nasty to Dad's who come. In one case its a gay couple who are friends of mine and they have a daughter, they no longer will take their daughter to storytime because the Moms were so standoffish.







:









I know we also had a few SAHD's who also felt they didn't get treated fairly,I was a SAHM for the first year of my dd's life but my dh who works from home would sometimes take her out (so Mama could get a break) and he said sometimee folks would give him the strange eye.

My husband is a SAHD. We have had problems just like these. Exclusion from the SAHM resources and groups. People looking at my husband funny when out with the kids.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *confustication* 
My husband is the SAHP, he does get a lot of weird attention from women cooing and so on (and holy cow, the single mom 'I want a Daddy for my kids' types can be very direct!), he also gets dealt the bs about why he stays home while I work. He feels excluded from the little kid/parent stuff on occasion because they are very Mommy and me things, and they were really standoffish with him for a long while.

This is what works for us. If people want to be stuck in 1950 and think it wrong, so be it.

Same here.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Missy* 
But, then, there will always be those individuals--we've even seen them on here (I think I saw one such thread today)--who will see a man with a baby or a child and assume "predator". Lalaland's suggestion about carrying a picture is, unfortunately, good advice.

Because of our fear of someone saying something stupid, my husband carries photo state IDs in his wallet for both kids.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Aufilia* 
All his bad experiences being a SAHD have been within organized mom activities. He has complained before that moms always socialize with the other moms and they never got invited to playgroups or anything and always give him the "oooo he might be a child molester" look.

I actually had one SAHM group tell me that they couldn't allow my husband and our daughter into the group because he might be a child molester.

I think most of these issues depend on what kind of community you live in. I thought ours would be quite open, but it's quite closed. I think if we lived in the city, it would be less of an issue (plus there would be a SAHD group).


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mamadebug* 
I saw that thread too. It made me think and think because I could see myself questioning a man taking a little girl out of the classroom, and feeling uncomfortable about it. To me, it seems like the potential for abuse seems greater in that situation.

One of the reasons I found that thread a bit strange is because that particular situation wouldn't concern me that much. Going into a classroom and specifically requesting that a little girl leave seems way too public for a molester. IME, they try to be low-key - the school janitor used to grab me when there was almost nobody in the school at all. He certainly didn't make it obvious to anyone that I was getting special attention, yk? If a preschool director were molesting the students, walking into the room and calling them out seems like an unlikely methodology to me.


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## mamazee (Jan 5, 2003)

Not odd at all.


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## library lady (Sep 3, 2007)

I wouldn't think anything of seeing a dad with a baby or kids without the mom. My DH will take our 3 oldest kids (2, 4, 7) to the store by himself. He says that he attracts a lot of attention because he is a man with 3 young girls and no mom around. And, the girls are usually pretty well behaved for dad.


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## Delicateflower (Feb 1, 2009)

I find the question in the OP more odd than seeing parents out and about with their children. You might as well be asking me if I'd think it strange to see a woman and a baby out on their own.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
One of the reasons I found that thread a bit strange is because that particular situation wouldn't concern me that much. Going into a classroom and specifically requesting that a little girl leave seems way too public for a molester. IME, they try to be low-key - the school janitor used to grab me when there was almost nobody in the school at all. He certainly didn't make it obvious to anyone that I was getting special attention, yk? If a preschool director were molesting the students, walking into the room and calling them out seems like an unlikely methodology to me.

And yet, believe it or not, this actually WAS the case in the secondary school I attended. The Headmaster used to come into the class, call out certain teenage boys...we found out years later that he was molesting them. This was 30 years ago in the country, at a time and place where nobody would believe the boys if they had told.

Nevertheless, I don't see every male involved in education as a potential molester.


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## A&A (Apr 5, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2lilsweetfoxes* 
Would you think it odd to see a guy with a little-bitty baby and a mom nowhere around?











I'm not sure I even understand the question. Why would it be odd? Lots of mamas work these days!


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *choli* 
And yet, believe it or not, this actually WAS the case in the secondary school I attended. The Headmaster used to come into the class, call out certain teenage boys...we found out years later that he was molesting them. This was 30 years ago in the country, at a time and place where nobody would believe the boys if they had told.

Nevertheless, I don't see every male involved in education as a potential molester.

That's the thing, though - 30 years ago, I doubt a molester - especially one targeting boys - would have been concerned about calling attention to himself. "Nice" people didn't admit that kind of thing happened.

I'm not saying that it couldn't happen that a preschool molester would call kids out of class...just that it wouldn't raise red flags for me, partly _because_ it's visibly out of the norm.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Dad's turn!

I'm currently (but likely temporarily cause I'm all ready starting to go a little stir crazy) a SAHD. No mom in our family either.

Most people don't really seem to pay attention to a dad out with his LO, but there are people who can make life complicated.

There's the afformentioned single mom "looking for a dad for her kids". I've been hit on more times since DS was born then I have in my entire life and I actually wear a wedding ring.

There are those who look at you funny and try to figure out why you're a man out with a baby.

There are people who try to keep an eye on you because something just seems fishy to them. Like you just decided to lift a baby out of their stroller and wander off. Even when DS is fast asleep, snuggled in a wrap.

Then there's the less then welcoming mom's who want nothing to do with a dad who's out with his kids. I've found it difficult to be officially accepted at things like library story time or parent-teacher nights because there's only one other dad and it's DH. There is at least one girl at school who is not allowed to be DD's friend, a combination of no mom and two dads being the only reason.

I was given the third degree once by a school official after a parent complained when I was waiting to pick up DD from school. Though in their defence I was about 19 and looked younger, which made it even less likely that I actually had a reason for being there. In the end, DD's teacher ended up being called over when she came out with the class to conferm that yes, I was there to pick up a student and that yes, I was confermed as a some one allowed to pick up DD. DD didn't notice though, she was too busy using the extra play time to her advantage.


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## BrooklynDoula (Oct 23, 2002)

My husban has always spent time out with our babies from the time they were very little. Not odd at all where we live. No one has ever been wierd towards him.


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## choli (Jun 20, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
That's the thing, though - 30 years ago, I doubt a molester - especially one targeting boys - would have been concerned about calling attention to himself. "Nice" people didn't admit that kind of thing happened.

I'm not saying that it couldn't happen that a preschool molester would call kids out of class...just that it wouldn't raise red flags for me, partly _because_ it's visibly out of the norm.

Yep. We sort of knew, heard rumours etc, and sometimes even repeated them in front of our parents. Which quickly earned us a lecture about making up dirty stories about teachers from our parents







He got away with it for years. Even when my mother heard it from another parent, she told me that she thought "Mrs X was gone funny in the head, the things she believes..." Couldn't happen in OUR nice little village...


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## Storm Bride (Mar 2, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *MusicianDad* 
There's the afformentioned single mom "looking for a dad for her kids". I've been hit on more times since DS was born then I have in my entire life and I actually wear a wedding ring.

I have to say that I would never hit on a man with a baby, especially one with a wedding ring, even if I weren't very happily married..._but_ if we're using the classic 1 to 10 "rating" system, any man carrying a baby, wearing a baby, or even pushing a baby in a stroller (unless he seems blatantly uninterested in said baby) goes up at least an automatic 2 points in my book. Taking an interest in, and taking care of, babies looks good on a man.


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
I have to say that I would never hit on a man with a baby, especially one with a wedding ring, even if I weren't very happily married..._but_ if we're using the classic 1 to 10 "rating" system, any man carrying a baby, wearing a baby, or even pushing a baby in a stroller (unless he seems blatantly uninterested in said baby) goes up at least an automatic 2 points in my book. Taking an interest in, and taking care of, babies looks good on a man.

No doubt. I love it when DH is being a dad.







With a young baby though, I would feel safer to assume that he's taken at this point.


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## fiorio (Aug 30, 2006)

Once while we were traveling when DS was a baby we stopped at Mcdonalds to eat. DH ate his food while I BF DS, and then he took him for a diaper change so I could eat my food. It was really funny (but also irritating) when these people (older couple with I assume their grown kids) stare at DH carrying the baby and diaper bag and get all confused. They were all saying "Where's the mom?" and then turned to look in our direction to see what kind of mom would be sitting on her butt while her poor, put-upon husband actually had to change his child's diaper.









I really don't think anything when I see a dad out with a baby or small child. Though I guess I do try to be friendly (even though I'm usually very shy) and chat a bit since I know it can be especially hard for dads dealing with clique-ish mommies.


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## ShadowMoon (Oct 18, 2006)

Not weird at all. I see dads with babies out and about all the time. My baby daddy stays at home with ds while I work and they go all over the place. Dads are parents too.


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## lalaland42 (Mar 12, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *fiorio* 
Once while we were traveling when DS was a baby we stopped at Mcdonalds to eat. DH ate his food while I BF DS, and then he took him for a diaper change so I could eat my food. It was really funny (but also irritating) when these people (older couple with I assume their grown kids) stare at DH carrying the baby and diaper bag and get all confused. They were all saying "Where's the mom?" and then turned to look in our direction to see what kind of mom would be sitting on her butt while her poor, put-upon husband actually had to change his child's diaper.









I really don't think anything when I see a dad out with a baby or small child. Though I guess I do try to be friendly (even though I'm usually very shy) and chat a bit since I know it can be especially hard for dads dealing with clique-ish mommies.

My poor, put-upon DH has to do bathroom duty when we are out all the time. Public restrooms squick me out so I send DH and DD off together and sit on my butt while DH deals with the yuck.







:


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## mamalisa (Sep 24, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Storm Bride* 
My ex-FIL used to say he wanted to borrow ds1 as "woman bait".







:

Dh's best friend always used to hold ds when we were out somewhere. He always joked that ds was bait, he was too, ds was such a flirt. It was even better because he could give him back to us and say "oh no, just my godson, I loooovveee kids!" Pick up gold!

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JudiAU* 
If I noticed at all I would probably give him a smile.

My husband is a SAHD. People are much nicer to him when he is with out son than with me!

I've noticed that people are so much nicer about men caring for their kids than when mom does it. I went on a trip when ds was 4 and my aunt had a fit that I wasn't prepping the freezer with meals and having my friends stop by to check on them. Whatever!! No one cared that for the previous 4 years I had basically done all the child care by myself while dh worked and then started traveling for work!

I would think it was great that daddy was taking care of the baby and wouldn't think twice about it.


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## lilyka (Nov 20, 2001)

I think its sexy.


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## pauletoy (Aug 26, 2007)

OK- so this is not politically correct or anything but here goes.

There is NOTHING sexier than a man taking care of his child. If I see a man out with his children and especially with a young baby, I take a second glance. I love to watch my DH interact with our children. I have never loved him more.









So no, seeing a man out with a baby would not seem weird at all.


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## ErikaG (Nov 12, 2005)

I think it's terrific when I see a man out with a baby. To me, it's a sign that there are men who understand that when they have children they're parents, not babysitters.

Involved Dads are so important. In my daughter's journal, I wrote something a few months ago about how much I love when he says to me that he's taking her and going to do whatever it is that he needs to do. And it's true-the selfish part of me loves the time to myself to take a shower or do something else that is hard to do with her around without having to be "on duty" but I also love it for the bond it creates between my husband and our daughter-I know the great memories I have of doing stuff with my Dad as a kid and I'm glad that my husband is helping to create those for our daughter.


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## ChetMC (Aug 27, 2005)

I wouldn't think it was odd at all. DH often took our babies places without me around. Now, it was usually a short errand. But if DH took the baby to the grocery store I could have a quick shower, or whatever while baby was occupied with daddy.

And DH has totally commented that women love men with babies. DH was nearly mobbed when he walked through the grocery store carrier DD while she was two weeks old.


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## Bellabaz (Feb 27, 2008)

No it wouldn't be odd at all. My dp stayed home part time with dd for about 1.5 months after my maternity leave was over. It helped us and her transition to the babysitter and gave them some special time together.


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## Kim Allen (Jun 28, 2008)

i have seen alot of sahd lately. Matter of fact my DH best friend sold his buisness to sah with their 4 kids while his wife works and they are loving the transition. At DS play groups there are more dads showing up with there kids and it is very neat! I also think is so cute seeing the dads in the grocery stores with the baby buying all the groceries!!


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Nah, it wouldn't bother me at all. And I actually do try to make sure that the guys in my playdate group are included in the discussions and whatnot. There are quite a few, so maybe we're just an odd community that way







. In some ways, in fact, I feel really more comfortable talking to the guys because they're not so UBER-mommy all the time







.

As for the writing with a little one - that's my profession too, and whew - it's really hard. At least now with a toddler. I hope he sells his manuscript too!


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## pokeyrin (Apr 3, 2008)

I don't think it's odd at all, but then again my DH is the SAHP and he runs errands with DD in tow all the time. He does say that people are less likely to come up and coo over DD when it's just the two of them as opposed to when we're out as a family togehter or when I'm out alone with DD.

DH is also super duper hands on Dad and when we're out together we'll take turns holding, feeding and diaper duty. Though DH usually ends up doing the diaper duty more often since we prefer to haul DD back to the car (if not far) for diaper changing because public restrooms are either grody or not accomodating. I never realized how baby unfriendly many restaurants and public places are until I had DD and while I learned how to change DD in my lap, DH hasn't mastered that yet.


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

I see it all the time over here as well. Even fathers who work try to get out with their kids a lot. Whenever I walk by the bus stop in the afternoon I see a ton of fathers who are waiting for their children to get off the bus.

I don't think its at all odd. Every once in a while I get a little worried when its obvious hes having problems. There are times I wish my husband would take both kids out just for 10 minutes so I can do something without a baby in my arms.


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## beebalmmama (Jul 21, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
No, why would it be weird? It takes two people to make a baby, after all...







:

\


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## emaye_to_2 (Jan 16, 2008)

I wouldn't think anything odd about that at all. I went back to work full-time when my DD was 8 weeks old and my husband watched her as well as my 2yo son. He did a great job of it too.. and the kids have an extra-special relationship with dad now because of it.


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## ewe+lamb (Jul 20, 2004)

I'd think - isn't it great to see a dad out with a wee one.


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## siobhang (Oct 23, 2005)

I think we as a society have a lot more work to do when we realize that a man with baby is still considered unusual (either unusual nice or unusual not nice, doesn't matter).

And I find the blatent discrimination against men as caregivers deeply disturbing. It hurts us all, frankly - fathers, mothers, and children.


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## fruitfulmomma (Jun 8, 2002)

Dh is a really hands-on parent too. I only work out of the home about 4 hours a week but he does often do errands with all the kids in tow. Also the last few times I've been to the playground it has been mostly dads there.


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## Eaglevoice (Nov 30, 2004)

Nope. Get him a couple of good masculine looking slings and he'll be the center of attention everywhere he goes. With many women looking at him secretly wishing their dh would do the same.


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## NYCVeg (Jan 31, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *peainthepod* 
No, why would it be weird? It takes two people to make a baby, after all...







:

Exactly. Dh has taken dd all over the place, all by himself, since she was born. She rode in his Hotsling when she was a baby.







He's one of her parents. Is our society really so backward that a parent taking care of his child is something to gawk at?

I see dads (or male caregivers) with kids of all ages all the time. Very often the babies are being worn in Ergos or Bjorns or whatever. It wouldn't even occur to think it was "weird" to see a man with a child.


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## pitter_patter (Jan 16, 2007)

My DH took the twins to the park, I hope he's not getting the hairy eyeball.









I really have a hard time believing that people are standoffish or weird towards the SAHD population. I mean, it must happen, but why? There's a SAHD in my SAHM club and he's awesome. He is the first to volunteer to bring a meal when someone has a baby, he's always organizing playdates, he's even on the board!


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## AndVeeGeeMakes3 (Mar 16, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pitter_patter* 
he's even on the board!

I love it!!!!!! The idea of being organized enough to have a board is so totally beyond me! (Definitely NOT an insult or anything - I'm admiring the organization- *big time*!!!!!!!!!)


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## MusicianDad (Jun 24, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *pitter_patter* 
My DH took the twins to the park, I hope he's not getting the hairy eyeball.









I really have a hard time believing that people are standoffish or weird towards the SAHD population. I mean, it must happen, but why? There's a SAHD in my SAHM club and he's awesome. He is the first to volunteer to bring a meal when someone has a baby, he's always organizing playdates, he's even on the board!

It happens because men aren't supposed to be the nurturing parent, they are supposed to be the working parent who doesn't bother with the everyday care taking of children.


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## EnviroBecca (Jun 5, 2002)

Quote:

I really have a hard time believing that people are standoffish or weird towards the SAHD population. I mean, it must happen, but why?
One reason is that many married women are not allowed to have male friends, and many married men are not allowed to have female friends, because their spouses are paranoid about adultery. Because, you know, it's so easy to carry on an affair while supervising 2 or more young children.


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## samikashi (Mar 15, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2lilsweetfoxes* 
Would you think it odd to see a guy with a little-bitty baby and a mom nowhere around?

Nope. If anything, I'd think "Hey, that guy's a Dad!" and then go about my business.


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## Girlprof (Jun 11, 2007)

Around here, I don't think he'd even stick out. Maybe for the first few weeks when the baby is still really itty bitty, it wouldn't be as common. But after that, it's totally normal to see dads out with their kids. The after school pick-up population around here is heavily male - probably at least 1/3 dads, maybe more.

He might have trouble finding buddies and might have trouble mixing in with a moms group. Writing and baby care can both be lonely tasks. It'd be worth it to see if he could come up with a friend.


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## Teenytoona (Jun 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
One reason is that many married women are not allowed to have male friends, and many married men are not allowed to have female friends, because their spouses are paranoid about adultery. Because, you know, it's so easy to carry on an affair while supervising 2 or more young children.









Yeah I'd never understood this. I've heard it from various people, IRL and online. I guess if you had concerns about your spouse, it's one thing. But to be so suspicious that someone's going to snag your SO. I don't think that would be that great a dynamic in a relationship.


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## mclisa (Jul 26, 2004)

my dh goes out all of the time with the kids. He gets stares, but assumes that is because there are so many of them.


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## Comtessa (Sep 16, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Romana9+2* 
Because of our fear of someone saying something stupid, my husband carries photo state IDs in his wallet for both kids.

Slightly off-topic, but... it's much worse with multi-racial families - I have several friends whose children have dramatically different skin color/racial features than one or both parents. Those parents - _especially_ the dads - have to carry a ton of documentation everywhere because they are constantly quizzed about their children being "really theirs." As if nobody could _possibly_ parent a child who doesn't look like them!







(IMO, this would be funny if it weren't so dangerous for my friends who are dads... they've gotten stopped by police, border guards, etc...)


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## GuildJenn (Jan 10, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *2lilsweetfoxes* 
My husband is a writer. I'll be returning to work when the new baby is about 6 weeks old. The baby will be staying home with daddy during the day while I work (I've got the stable income and insurance that covers our medical care, especially my son's autism therapies.) One thing we were talking about was during the day, especially on very warm days, he might take the baby out to Starbucks or the mall food court in order to do his writing as our apartment does not have air conditioning. Would you think it odd to see a guy with a little-bitty baby and a mom nowhere around?

I think it would be awful to be a SAHP and NOT get out with the baby.

That said, I guess (without reading the comments) I just wanted to say... in parenting, you have to get over at least some of your concern about what everyone else is going to think odd, and do what's right for your family. I don't think you or he need to worry about this at all... just go with the flow.

Congrats!


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## 2lilsweetfoxes (Apr 11, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *EnviroBecca* 
One reason is that many married women are not allowed to have male friends, and many married men are not allowed to have female friends, because their spouses are paranoid about adultery. Because, you know, it's so easy to carry on an affair while supervising 2 or more young children.









lol. As long as the kids aren't verbal, I guess it could be pulled off. I'm not worried that my husband would pull such a stunt; it is just not within something he might do. If it were, well, he has plenty of opportunity: no kids at home from 8:30 am to 3 pm (at least for another month--and then it would be a year or more before she'd be able to tell me that "daddy's friend Jane comes over every day") and I don't get home until 5-6 pm. He could also pull it if DS was home because DS is non-verbal autistic and does not have the "words" for it. But DD--nothing gets past that kid. I also, on occasion, actually get to go home earlier than expected.


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## pixiekisses (Oct 14, 2008)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Delicateflower* 
I find the question in the OP more odd than seeing parents out and about with their children. You might as well be asking me if I'd think it strange to see a woman and a baby out on their own.

Indeed, I was thinking "I don't understand the question" when I first read it.

Here, he wouldn't stand out at all, and if I even noticed him I would give him and the baby a smile. Maybe think "awww, what a cute baby" too.

Edit: I had to ask my dear if he's being hit on usually every day when he takes the kids out alone now, I mean he doesn't even wear a ring (we're not married). He just shrugged though, and said he hadn't noticed. But then again, he probably might not notice being hit on/flirted with if the person didn't spesifically ask him if he wanted to marry her or something.


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