# Considering Cancelling my apt. to have tubes tied



## khaoskat (May 11, 2006)

*sigh*

I just cannot make up my mind on it now. I was so set for it a week ago...but now I am reconsidering it...but then again, when asked at the hospital I was so dead set against it.

I just don't know what way to turn, and don't know what the right choice is, or how to make the choice.

I do so desperately want another child, preferabley another daughter or two. But my heart and family cannot go through this pain again. I cannot go through this pain again. It is way too much and it is way too hard.

I know we are never given anything we cannot h andle, but I am often times finding myself doubting this, this holiday season.


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## lolalapcat (Sep 7, 2006)

Khaoskat--

You can take your time on this decision. There is no reason to rush.

I can completely understand not wanting to run the risk of losing so much again.

I also know that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for being. The strength of the human spirit is astounding.

And now, I'm launching into the story of my great great grandmother. She lost her first 4 children, one at birth, one in infancy, one as a toddler, and then her oldest to a snake bite. She had empty arms after having 4 children. I am descended from the 5th child she had.

I go visit her & her husband, her kids, those first 4 babies, and my great grandfather every Memorial Day. Now I have the vaguest understanding of what they went through. They are a testament to the strength of the human spirit.

NOT that I'm saying you need to be like her. Just if you would decide to try for another baby....you could do it.

How about making a list of pros and cons for the tube tying? Write things down, think them out. Make sure you are right with your decision before you do anything permanent. Heck, make the list here...

And if we can do anything to help you handle this holiday season, please let us know. I don't think there's a single one of us on this board that are sailing through the holidays without a problem. It's just hard.

Take care, I'm sending you all kinds of positive vibes )))))))))))










Keri


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## mama4gals (Nov 15, 2003)

Khaoskat, PLEASE cancel that appt. You can always make another one down the road a bit. But you cannot undo it once it's done. If you are not 100% sure of your decision (and you're obviously not), you need to postpone it. You don't want to live w/ regret the rest of your life. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're pretty young. I don't mean that as an insult, just that you have a lot of childbearing years left. You are very much in pain right now, and this is not a good time for you to make permanent decisions such as tube-tying. I hope you don't mind my being so bold in my advice. It just seems to me very clear that you need to think more about this.

Take care, mama. We're here for you.

Liz


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## liseux (Jul 3, 2004)

My mom lost her second baby at 7 weeks old, the same age I lost my second baby. She always told me not to make any major decisions during the first year of grieving. Grief is hard enough work and we might feel differently about big decisions later on.

I am wishing you as much peace as possible at this time of the year.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)




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## BethanyB (Nov 12, 2005)

khaoskat- There is no reason to rush this decision. You have plenty of time to still go through with it after you have thought it through. Maybe you won't want to try again, and that's ok, but there is no reason to rush this. I personally believe that sometimes people are given more than they can handle, but you can't determine this so soon after a loss. Like everyone said, it takes AT LEAST a year to even begin to think straight. If you are already having second thoughts now, only a week after deciding to do this, how do you think you'll feel in six months? Don't do something you may regret later.


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## Nettie (May 26, 2005)

I agree with the others. Many hugs to you.


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Everyone else said it all but I just wanted to offer a







.


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## k9sarchik (Nov 11, 2006)

Sounds like you are not listening to your emotions anymore and good judgement and reason are stepping in.








You and your family need time to heal. I hope that you and your husband are working through things and that you have lots of love and peace.

After the Winter Soltice has passed the days will begin to get longer and there is new light to shine on all of us and we can have some new beginnings.


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## mommysusie (Oct 19, 2006)

khaoskat, you've been through so much, and it seems like your family hasn't been that supportive of you. You have so much pressure on you right now, that a decision like getting your tubes tied may be too much for you right now. Take time to really think about your decision. Take care, and I'm sending you hugs


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## 2Sweeties1Angel (Jan 30, 2006)

You should never do anything permanent unless you're 100% sure about it. You don't want to do something you'll regret later.


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## StacieM (Oct 13, 2006)

I agree with the ladies. Don't make this decision final unless you know without a doubt you'll be fine with it. Take care of yourself. We're all thinking of you.


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## JBaxter (May 1, 2005)

If you have ANY doubt please cancel. YOu can always reschedule after more soul searching. It would be much harder to undo them later. Give your self 6 months to clear your head and search your heart. Hugs for everything you have been through


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

khaoskat,
you are in a very intense time of the greiving process, and i believe there is a lot of wisdom in NOT making any important decisions when you are so close to your loss.
having your tubes tied is a very definative and simple answer to the possibility of another loss. but it is not the only way to deal with this fear.

i know there is such a sense of no control when you lose a baby. so having control over something can be very reassuring and empowering. if you are having doubt, though, then it may be wise to give yourself some time and space to let things settle.


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## rileysmommy (Dec 11, 2004)

hugs to you!
do not make this decision in such a deep time of grieving.

i will tell you this though, once you do move forward wtih your plans, you will grieve the loss of being able to reproduce.
its not regret, or sadness. just the grieving of "that" time in your life being past you.
we just recently went through this.

but grieving the loss of a child, i think that its just not a good time to make any sort of permanant decision.
i am just so so sorry.
i hope you find some calm and some peace.


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## roslyn (Aug 23, 2006)

I don't know how long its been since your last m/c, but my most recent loss was December 1. Right now, I don't feel capable of choosing between paper and plastic. I take it one day at a time. Some days I feel okay, others I feel like I've been dropped off in a whirlwind. This is a permanent procedure. I think it would be in your best interest to take your time and really wait until you're through this traumatic time.


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