# Please help, I can't handle my 2 year old anymore!



## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I have no patience with my 2 year old son anymore. I'm a SAHM and every day I dread spending the entire day with him. This past month (or maybe longer?) he's just been so difficult to deal with. What makes it worse is that I'm 20 weeks pregnant and exhausted all the time.

He whines constantly; he always wants me to play with him and won't play by himself. He doesn't listen to anything I say. If he's doing something he shouldn't, and I stop him (after having warned him first) he screams and cries. He refuses to have his diaper changed; he refuses to sit on the potty; he refuses to get dressed or leave the house. He screams at and hits the cats. If I talk to other people and don't pay attention to him for too long, he hits me.

I don't let him get away with any of this, I don't give him what he wants just because he cries about it; if he's playing with something he shouldn't, I take it away, etc.

He's perfectly pleasant as long as I do whatever he wants all day (which I don't), but the second he doesn't get his way he melts down and screams and cries. He doesn't care about consequences, if I tell him "if you do x again, I'll do y," he understands but does it anyway.

I know I'm not doing all I could be to make things better. I'm sick of being gentle and understanding. I end up yelling at him and I seriously have no patience with him anymore. I just want him to leave me alone.

I do think he's a great kid, he's loving and funny and smart, and I'm sure this is just a stage, but I'm going crazy. I feel like I can't handle it anymore.

Any advice you can give me would be great, or even just some commiseration.


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## Monda (Sep 26, 2002)

You might consider part time daycare....if things are really that strained between you it might be kinder to your long term relationship with him to have some time apart from each-other. I am a long time SAHM so I know how important being with our son is to you, but if a short break could make things better, now may be the time. Maybe a Montisory (sp?) Preschool program?

I highly recommend the Love and Logic parenting books, and how to Behave so your Preschooler will too.


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## 2cutiekitties (Dec 3, 2006)

Yep, this happened to us four days ago. We hit the "terrible two's" except he is only 21 months. It is exhausting.

My dream is to live next to a Waldorf school and do one of their mommie and me classes. If you are close to one, check it out. For us it would be the perfect solution, but of course I am an hour away from it.







:

If I were pregnant, I would some sort of early preschool, babysitter in your home, or daycare type thing. A break is what you need, because reading this board for two years, I know there is no solution to the "stage."


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## closedaccount15 (Dec 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
He doesn't care about consequences, if I tell him "if you do x again, I'll do y," he understands but does it anyway.

I think 2 might be to young to understand those type of consequences. I will say you LO sounds exactly like mine, and she is 19 months. Maybe like the pp said, get some PT daycare or nanny so you can get a rest or have a break every once in a while


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## prancie (Apr 18, 2007)

2 year molars? Sounds like my toddler when he's teething or not had enough sleep at the right time. hugs to you, it's tough some days.


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## _betsy_ (Jun 29, 2004)

The threats of "If x, then Y" stuff doesn't sink in with my 25 mo. Not sure how old your son is, but your words sound a LOT like our house most days. Add that I'm 32 weeks PG and WOH FT, nights, and it's been HARD. I have no idea how a newborn is going to fit into this, and I cry about that nearly everyday.

The only time DD isn't climbing all over me and screaming at me is when she's watching TV (ducks from the tomatoes) or when she's screaming at the cats. When Papa is home, it's usually easier, but mainly because she can have at least one of our attention at all times.

But really, it seems normal at this age. The hitting I'd be working on curtailing, though. "Gentle hands" and "No one is allowed to hit me" followed by me walking away or abruptly ending the playtime seemed to work quite well when she started that a couple months ago.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

I know he understands consequences, because it used to work up until this stage. He's also very verbal and seems to understand most everything I say to him.

I do have my mom available most of the time to babysit, I think I'll start taking advantage of her more often to preserve my sanity. Daycare isn't really an option, I'm not comfortable with the idea, and we can't afford it anyway. I have no idea if there are mommy and me classes available, but I'm guessing we couldn't afford that either.

I'm not sure if his 2 year molars are all the way in yet, but I think they are. That has been part of his behavior in the past though.

Oh and *_betsy_*, don't feel bad about he tv watching, my son is watching a lot of TV lately.









So how long is this terrible twos stage supposed to last?? Hopefully not the entire year.

ETA: DS is 25 months as well.


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## njbeachgirl (Oct 8, 2006)

Just wanted to send a









my DD is 22 months and we sometimes go through this kind of stuff too lately. My friend says her 26 mo acts the same way.

I think it's a variety of things.... but it's definitely just a phase.


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## aricha (Oct 21, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *liliaceae* 
So how long is this terrible twos stage supposed to last?? Hopefully not the entire year.

I think until adulthood...


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## OkiMom (Nov 21, 2007)

My 21 month old is acting like this a lot and Im due Tuesday.. Shes DRIVING ME INSANE!! I love her to death but shes being a terror. Every day it seems to be nothing but meltdowns and shes starting to hit/bite when she doens't get her way. Like right now shes yanking on my hair and hitting my head. DH is hardly ever home since hes work has been really busy lately. Im really worried about taking care of a newborn and her at the same time. Luckily though she LOVES babies and loves having one around (I babysit on occasion).
Ive been making sure she has what she needs (food, fresh diaper, sleep etc) and then walking into the other room when it gets to be to much. I feel aweful about leaving her when shes hysterical but if I don't Ill lose my temper and yell. The more I react the worse she gets, its a bad cycle.
If anyone has any good tips Id appreciate them! Im exhausted and so worried about taking care of her and the new baby.


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## Boot (Jan 22, 2008)

My 19 mo is like that when it is just me and him in the house. When the little daycare girl is here or if we go out or have other friends over he is very easy. I know it's hard to get out of the house when you are tired and he doesn't want to get dressed but if you can force yourself to go to the park, or the toddler gym or a friend's house you might find that really helps. My lo needs lots of exercise and stimulation. I'm too boring! GL


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## petitchou (Mar 10, 2008)

Ds just turned 2 and we too have days/weeks like this.

For us, consequences don't work right now. If I tell him "If you do X, I'll do Y," he just becomes even more determined to do X. It's like I'm challenging him to do battle. And of course, when I do Y, he just throws a fit. So I try to avoid that scenario all together and try to find other ways of dealing with it. Although I'm not doing a great job myself right now because I'm 12 weeks pregnant and exhausted!

Running around outside helps ds a lot. We live in an apartment so we try to go for a walk every day. (REALLY difficult for me right now...)

Ds is just starting a toddler daycare two mornings a week and possibly one afternoon (we'll see how naptime goes there...). It's only about 2 1/2 hours each morning but it's giving me a needed break to recharge and giving both of us a short break from each other.

And on days when it's just too much and both of us are driving the other one crazy, we watch a little Thomas and Friends...


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## es1967 (Oct 31, 2007)

Ds is 25 months and sounds very similar. He is full of energy and I can't imagine keeping up with him if I was pregnant! The only thing I can suggest is that what really helps me is to take him out every morning/afternoon and wear him out. I take him to the library, the zoo, playgroups,parks,playrooms ,mall etc etc. This helps me tremendously. This past week we were at home due to a cold and it was very difficult. My little guy just needs lots of activities.


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## DaytonsMom (Aug 25, 2007)

i second the going on a walk. outisde time is very important for my ds. we both got big coats for this winter and am hoping to have outside time everyday. sometimes when i'm tired (and i'm not even pregnant yet) it seems really daunting!! but he loves to run at the park or out in the woods. I think he likes just having me to himself with no distractions.


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## leila1213 (Sep 15, 2006)

DD is 28 months and we've had to move twice in the last 6 months. It's the first time I've been able to "stay home" with her (I'm also babysitting other kids off and on), but unfortunately I'm not enjoying it very much. She withholds her poop when under stress and it drives me inSANE. (Do I let her hold it for a week and maybe longer? Do I give her a suppository which is utter torture? Do I let her sit on the potty all day with nothing coming out, crying while I yell and threaten?) Yesterday afternoon we seemed to have a little respite from the drama and I was able to be so much more gentle and patient with her. But then I let her fall asleep too early (naps are a mess) and she was up till g*d knows when because I didn't have a clock near me while we watched mindless cartoons and I tried to sleep but no dice because she insisted on nursing even hours after my milk was gone. Sigh.

One thing that offers me hope and might be an idea for you too. She is such a little sheep when we are around other children her age. She will actually sit and eat at the appointed times, play independently, and cooperate with "ok, we're going outside now, let's get our shoes on" or "it's getting dark, let's have a snack" or whatever instead of digging in and fighting me tooth and nail. So, I'm getting ready to start a babysitting job with a 2 yr old and keeping my fingers crossed this will hold true. Do you do playdates with your son?

I'll have to check for the 2 yr molars.


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## lotus.blossom (Mar 1, 2005)

I am so there. 16 weeks pregnant with a terror of a two year old. (28 months to be exact) I am usually a mess by Friday. I just cry all day and count the seconds till my DH gets home. And then I feel refreshed over the weekend and better Monday thru Wednesday. My DS is aggressive with other children and most of the time doesn't want to leave the house so it makes it really hard to want to take him to get togethers. I have serious concerns about life with a toddler and a babe.

You are so not alone!


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## TiAmosJewell (Dec 14, 2006)

It has been so long since I posted here but I just had to reply when I saw your thread. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with a two and half year old. If that wasn't enough I started PPD early with this one and I have to deal with my ulcerative colitis.

Travis is a pretty good boy and VERY lovey BUT my goodness he is using the "NO" word FOR EVERYTHING! If it's not his idea forget it, your in for a fight.







: "Do you want to go down stairs for breakfast" "NO!!!" then the scream starts when I leave up there to start the day. He wants to hit the button to get his own water. I ask him if he wants to and get the "NO!!!" So I start to get it and then the screaming starts again and he comes flying over and takes over. This goes on with EVERYTHING!!! He just wants to be so independent. He hits the dogs or me the odd time but then will "kiss" it all better









He does go to pre-school twice a week but I have to do a few volunteer days and boy he doesn't like it when I'm with another kid. He has to get involved too or tries to drag me away.

I love him sssooo much but I enjoy the short breaks I get away when he's at school and a couple times a week either hubby looks after him or MIL and I get time away with my horse.

Yep big (((hugs))) to you, your not alone. I know all to well how tiring it is. Remember this to shall pass, they aren't little forever.

I should also add that he'll use the potty at school but refuses to at home. He used it for the first couple weeks we got it but now, nothing!


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Thanks everyone. You guys are totally right about getting him out of the house more, he is much more pleasant when we're out and about, especially with other kids. I'll just have to deal with the struggle of getting him dressed and strapped into his car seat, once he's actually there he loves being out.

I do need to get him around other kids more, I think I'll try to find an AP play group or something nearby. Babysitting is a good idea too, I'll have to think about that one.

I hope this thread has given some of you who are struggling with the same thing some ideas too! And if anyone else has any advice, please keep it coming!!


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## mowilli3 (Jan 7, 2007)

I think you could use some help. It's so tough being preg with a toddler. When you don't feel well, their behavior gets worse.

I recommend sensory and physical activities for him. Let him build a fort with the couch pillows and climb all over them. Let him roll and climb on you while you lie on the floor. I love that game when I'm tired. Let him play in water or make dough or splash in puddles and mud. It's wonder fun and you can sit and watch. When it gets cold, just bundle up and collect leaves and rocks on a slow walk. Tods can do that for hours.


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## DaytonsMom (Aug 25, 2007)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mowilli3* 
Let him roll and climb on you while you lie on the floor. I love that game when I'm tired.

i agree! Daytons just started doing this and he thinks it hilarious and i love it cause i just get to sit there while he falls on top of my legs and then crawls off runs around my feet and does it again. a couple weeks ago he did this for like 30 mintues (no joke, he never does ANYTHING for that long! ) and he was sooo tired that night! it was great he slept awesome!


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## jilly (Feb 14, 2005)

I agree with mowill -- sensory activities are key at this age

Also give them lots of structure and routine and keep being consistent.

I'm just getting into this the second time around (ds2 is 22 months) and i was just thinking today, "Boy, I need a winter routine".

So, how we dealt with this with my high needs ds1 was by having several activities a week that got us out and about. Almost every day at this age we needed to get out of the house. In the summer it was to the park or the sandbox. In the winter we would go to library story time or playgroup or just to the mall to run around in the big wide space. They are so driven to explore that they need all the space.

As well, a couple of times a day I would get something interesting and tactile for him to play with -- fabric scraps, water, rice, washing in the sink, baths, sand boxes, beans -- and lots of scoops, spoons and funnels. This would usually give me a little break. You have to watch them, though, becuase as soon as they start throwing or just mess making, its time for it to go away becuase they are no longer focused.

Then, I made sure we were eating and sleeping and playing at the same time every day. He really needed the routine. I find they really need the security that comes from routine at this age.

Also, I was really no nonsense about getting dressed, brushing teeth and diaper changes. If he didn't want his diaper changed, I would gently put a let over his tummy, hold him down and change it anyway. If he didn't want to get in the car, I would just pick him up and strap him in. After a few weeks of this he got the idea that wether he screamed or not, mom was going to follow the program.

The other really important thing is to give them as much power as you can. They are so aware of how small and powerless they are. If there is anything you can let him be in charge of or have a choice about, let him.

Also, let them help with grown up things when you need to get things done (putting potatos in the pot while you cut them, giving them butter knives to pretend to cut vegetables, letting them stir while you bake, pushing the button on the coffee grinder while you grind coffee, giving them a couple of envalopes and cards to mess around with while you're stuffing Christmas cards in envalopes, etc). This might give you a few minutes of frustration free time.

Finally, take breaks and give yourself little treats to look forward to. If your mom can take him one afternoon a week, thats perfect. If you can put on a half hour video while you do something you enjoy every day or take a nap, do it. Because you are being sensorily bombarded by screaming and hitting and chasing, you need to refill yourself with nice things -- music, flowers, good smells and tastes. Make sure you are keeping things around and nurturing yourself. Don't beat yourself up for not being a perfect mom or for having a toddler that doesn't impress the neighbours. If you keep yourself calm and have some fun together every day, your days will be more relaxed, even if your child is going through a terrible, negative phase.

I have been there with ds1, and we are just entering there with ds2. I found these stages usually peak for a few weeks and then die down a bit. I find that the more I am thinking about the situation and responding, rather than just reacting and getting angry, the faster we can get past the negativity and get back to our new normal.

Hang in there. These negative phases are tough going. I was just thinking this morning how I was so tired of being a parent and how I couldn't possibly make it through the two's a second time around (especially since I am 8 weeks pregnant as well). But then ds1 went to playschool for the morning, and I dragged ds2 around to get all our errands done and treated myself to a yummy snack at the grocery store and a visit to the fabric store to look at all the lovely fabrics and now I feel much better.


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## waylonsmama (Apr 1, 2007)

Wow I am glad I found this thread. I feel like I am loosing my mind. My son is 28 mo...and he has just started the "terrific" haha two's. I also watch a 29 mo and a 24 mo. Wow!!! Three two years olds in one house. My day can be kind of crazy. DS just recently started hitting. I know he knows he isn't suppose to...he is just impulsive like most two year olds. I feel like I am loosing my mommy-center. Anyone have any ideas for how to maintain it while things are crazy. I do about an hours worth of yoga during naptime...I always feel so much better after that. But I still can loose my patiences with them. Anyways...hope this stage ends soon and my sweet little boy comes back. Best of luck to all you hard working mamas.


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## liliaceae (May 31, 2007)

Excellent suggestions *jilly*, thank you!


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