# *FOUND QUOTE*Anyone read "The Aware Baby" and hate it?



## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

My neighbor just gave us a copy of "The Aware Baby." It started out good, but when she started saying to let your baby cry instead of nursing him, so he'll eat every 4 hours. Did anyone else start to hate the book at that point (it's in the section on food), because I sure did. Especially when she said "overnursing" them will lead to an _addiction to junk food_ later on.







Also, if you let your baby or toddler comfort suck, it will lead to emotional issues --WTH? You need to just let them cry? WHAT?







That's just plain wierd.

At first I thought she was making some good points, that sometimes babies/kids just need an emotional release, just like adults, and they'll feel better after they cry. But then she started sounding obsessed with letting babies (yes, _babies_) and toddlers cry all the time.

Anyway, I saw this book was on the GD booklist, and I'm just wondering if anyone else thought this book was NOT gentle at all. Or am I the only one?


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## sagira (Mar 8, 2003)

I haven't read The Aware Baby, but I read another book by the same author. I think the title was something like Tears and Tantrums (??). I was also put off by the author's views on infants, babies and the book in general.

I think people, as different as they are, interpret research findings according to their own agenda.

My view on this is simple: if baby cries, he needs something. It's either food, a hug, num-nums, etc. I have not found my son to need to cry at all because he was stressed. I've consistently been meeting his needs and he doesn't cry very often, except when he's hurt himself or he needs something.

Of course, now that he's 20 months he cries also when he doesn't get his way, but that's another story


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I don't agree 100% with her views.

But I think it's a very important book, which discusses a very hard topic, that is completely ignored by all other authors.

Take her book for what it is. The work of a long time primal therapist, who saw a lot of people in her practice, trace their pain back to trauma during infancy.

She isn't the only person to discover that trauma during infancy cannot be healed verbally. Reichian therapy is based on much the same discovery.

As a parent of a baby who did experience a lot of medical trauma, I knew before I ever read her book, that my son often cried, and he did NOT want to stop. He would often wake 5 to 9 times a night, with piercing screams, and look right into my face, and then look away intently at the wall, in *exactly* the same pattern adults use, when they are remembering, and then look back in my eyes and absolutely wail! It was absolutely clear that he was caught up in something in his own mind~he wasn't telling me about hunger or anything like that. Rocking or feeding him just made him angry, or at best quieted him until the second he was done, and then he resumed his crying. He just wanted to be heard, and he wanted me to listen. It seems like a simple and obvious thing. But nobody ever tells parents to do it!

I have spoken to many parents over the years, who identified this kind of crying, and who saw profound improvements by letting go of the frantic cycle of trying to "stop" the crying through distraction/feeding she describes in the book.

It's so important to recognize this, because often what happens, is that it isn't recognized. Parents are told to just keep feeding the baby anytime it cries, to keep rocking, slinging, and whatever else, and the parent winds up feeling completely rejected by this baby who won't be comforted for more than a few minutes, and the parent feels like they have failed to stop the crying, and that they are a no good parent.

What's so interesting is that nearly every parent who does CIO for such a baby, feels they have hit rock bottom as they implement it. You read very few moms who say "I was so happy to put her in that crib and walk away. I loved hearing her scream for me. I knew I finally understood her!". You never read that.

But almost every parent I've spoken to who tries Solter's approach, almost immediately has this huge burden lifted, they feel, sometimes for the first time, really connected to their baby, in tune with them, and really able to do something helpful for once, that makes a difference for the baby.

When *I* read her book, it was like a light bulb moment, to have a therapist describe the exact process I saw with my baby.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

I can see where one would read the book and might react to it the way you have. When I first read it, I, too thought the author was a bit on the far side of the pendulum. I did not, however catch from it that you should only feed every four hours and 'let the baby cry'. I would like to know what page you saw that on, so I can re-read.

I think the point the author made was not to shove a paci, bottle or breast in baby's mouth every time she/he cries. Rather, consider that there may be other reasons for the crying that need to be dealt with. Kind of saying, if you don't let the anger/frustration be released now, it will come out in other ways later. She makes a point that the crying should be done in the presence of a loving parent or other trusted person. As I recall, she does make a point to say that you must make sure all the other needs are met.

I read the book while my first daughter was an infant. My thoughts while reading it were "this lady is really out there". However, Now that my dd is older, I really understand what she means about how it is necessary to give your child/baby the opportunity to cry and rage if necessary. By allowing the release of these pent up feelings, you are letting them know that they are loved and cherished-even when they are angry, sad or frustrated. I do not think her intention was to encourage the parent to let the baby cry all the time.

When I was a child, I was teased and mocked when I cried. I was told often to toughen up. Even as an adult, when I had a miscarriage after years of expensive infertility treatments, my stupid father's advice to me was to "keep a stiff upper lip". In his way, he raised us to feel ashamed to express our 'negative feelings'. Reading her book made me realize that quiet is not always 'good', and that a screaming child is not always a bad thing.

A good follow up is the next book, helping your child flourish. I think reading this made me see what she means more so. Now that my dd is a toddler, I feel that following her advice on tantruming has given my dd the freedom to learn how to explore her anger and express her feelings more appropriately. When she tantrums, I am right there to support, love and help her.

A good example of how her advice helped me understand my child was when I had a second baby. My first child was 18 months old, and this was the first time we were separated for more than a few hours at a time. While I was in the hospital, she acted "really good" according to my parents. However, I knew from her demeanor the times she visited me and reading the book, that she was holding back on her feelings. When I finally returned home, and all the company left, she let loose all the feelings that had been building up for the 4 days I was gone. She cried, sobbed, recovered, cried and sobbed some more, just clinging to me. My heart was breaking with her pain. Rather than try to make her stop, I just comforted her as best I could, while she got it all out.


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## mamalex (Mar 2, 2004)

The Aware Baby was also a lightbulb going off for me. Like any book, it isn't without flaws, but overall, I feel so much more connected to my child after reading Solter's book and being attentive to his emotional needs in ways other than nursing. It is certainly a controversial issue in the AP world. It also is not black and white. For our family, reading the Aware Baby allowed my dh to connect in a way he never could before...he is able to comfort ds and put him to sleep (without crying!) mostly because he started to send the message to ds that it was okay for him to cry and he was there for him. It's as if once dh wasn't afraid of crying anymore, ds didn't need it.


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## Tanibani (Nov 8, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heartmama*
Take her book for what it is. The work of a long time primal therapist, who saw a lot of people in her practice, trace their pain back to trauma during infancy.

She isn't the only person to discover that trauma during infancy cannot be healed verbally. Reichian therapy is based on much the same discovery.

























I'm a fan.

I'm a fan because I heard her speak in person. She was great and made a lot of sense. I'm trying to read through her books now.

I felt the way you (OP) did when my son was a baby.







: WTH!?!?! (I didn't read her books then, but if someone would have described it the way you or critics have, then I would have been strongly-anti.)

5 years later... I







agree with her points.

My was son "over-nursed" (and his birth/hospital trauma was never released) for comfort. My son IS totally addicted to sugar (he craves, begs for it). I have to wonder if she is right, if it was nursing for other than food. As a toddler, he was aggressive (hitting others for no reason).









Nighttime nursing - every 2-3 hours for the first 3 years







(I weaned him at 3 yrs and 3 months). I was waiting for him to self-wean. Hmmm, how he could self-wean when he was totally addicted!?!?!

She is not a fan of







CIO. Babies/toddlers should be held/comforted _if they need to cry._ Her point is that it shouldn't be suppressed (shushing, rocking, etc..) This teaches a baby/child a valuable lesson... I love you, it's OK to feel the way you are feeling (rather than bury the feelings/issues and never have them expresssed.) So she argues that this leads to healthier human development. I think she is on to something.







I don't think she is far out at all.

I remember being in shock when a good friend and great Continuum Concept mama picked up her crying toddler at the park and just held her calmly while her toddler cried. She didn't immediately nurse to comfort. That was eye-opening for me. It seemed way more advanced and better (for human development.)

http://www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm

My advice for anyone is to read the book for yourself with an open mind.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

It doesn't fit into any parenting category, that is for sure. I think it's best understood as a therapy, that you integrate into your parenting when needed, if that makes sense.


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

I started to read one of her books at the library and put it back on the shelf. My problem with the whole thing is this - it seems to me that if a baby is crying and you offer the breast, which stops the crying, then that is what the baby _wanted_ and, in fact, _needed._ Nursing is _supposed_ to be comforting to a baby. It is _supposed_ to calm them when they are stressed. Nursing doesn't, IMO, stop a baby from releasing trauma/tension. It _helps_ the baby do exactly that. When my baby comfort nurses, I don't feel that it is because she is trying to repress tension or because I'm trying to make her bottle up her "negative" emotions. I feel that it is because she is trying to release tension and she needs a little help. There's nothing wrong with seeking comfort from another person to help you relieve tension. That's what nursing is to a baby. When they no longer need it, they will wean themselves. I strongly disagree with the idea that a child can ever be addicted to nursing and therefore will never self-wean. That seems like a very negative, Western idea to me. I also strongly disagree with the idea that comfort nursing leads to cravings for junk food. Some babies take longer to wean than others. I personally know a child who didn't wean until close to 7. I'm sure lots and lots of mothers here have nursed children nearing that age. Also, _all_ babies who are allowed to will comfort nurse. Nursing should never be just for food.

I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore. I guess that, while it isn't right to try to make a child/baby stop crying when they obviously need to cry, it also isn't right to say that we should never try to comfort them either. Sometimes babies need to cry - but sometimes they need to comfort nurse, or be rocked or held or sung to or whatever.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

In my experience this is one of those books that will or will not make sense to you depending on your baby. Just like it's not possible to understand what 'high needs' is when you've had easygoing babies, it's not really possible to relate to this kind of crying if you aren't dealing with it.

It's true that most babies, when offered the breast, bottle, or pacifier, will take it, at least briefly, and stop crying. The difference with chronic crying is that the second you stop feeding them, the crying resumes. If the baby falls asleep at the breast, they eventually wake, screaming and crying again. It WILL become obvious to you, if you experience this, that the baby is not *really* comforted by the nursing. The nursing stops the crying, but it doesn't seem to make them happier, or content, or *reassured*. It only helps for as long as you are nursing, and then the crying resumes.

A good analogy to understand this kind of cry, would be the experience of nursing a baby who is crying from an undiagnosed internal problem that is causing pain. Mothers who have had this experience, will have an intuitive feeling that the nursing, rocking, etc. is not REALLY addressing what is upsetting the baby. The baby seems preoccupied and unable to be REALLY comforted. Somhow, the mom knows the difference. The baby may stop crying when she rocks and nurses, but it is clear that the baby is still not content.

Quote:

it also isn't right to say that we should never try to comfort them either.
The whole point of Solter's philosophy is to offer a way you can comfort a baby.


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

My first did cry unconsolably for his first year of life (it gradually tapered off after 6 mo) I didn't know what to do but the crying had me feeling helpless, scared, and stressed beyond anything I had ever known. I searched for reasons but found none that made sense. He never did sleep so it made it all worse because my body was not in a healthy state - lack of food and sleep will do that to a mama. I have since thought he didn't have "colic" but what he had was a response to a traumatic hospital birth and seperation from me for the first night. My response to the crying day after day night after night, was to go into survival mode and DH and I passed him back and forth, each carrying him in the sling 24/7. I remember sleeping with him in the sling, sitting up, for 30min intervals. I realize now that I don't think I recognized his need to be with me and not DH. I knew nothing of seperation anxiety, etc. He seemed to cry when I gave him to DH but I just figured he cried anyway and I was in a fog and desperate for relief. After that experience we waited a long time have a second child. With my second, I had a beautiful homebirth and she has been an "easy-going" baby - at least she is, compared to my first. I was determined to try to figure out what she needed and tend to it as best I could from day 1. It is a balancing act, of course, as I have two now and both need to be tended to, sometimes at once. My "easy-going" baby is very mama-centered and that is as it should be. A normal developmental stage. She is such a happy baby and almost never cries - when she is with me or in view of me. My first would cry upon waking but my second just coos to herself. With my DS it is as though he has some sort of attachment disorder as he wasn't really allowed to pass through the seperation anxiety/mama centered stage. Survival mode fog, prevented me from seeing what he needed. All I saw was crying baby.

Anyway, not sure what my point is but for me I need to address why my baby might be crying but I won't be frantic about it and in tears if I can't figure it out. I will rock my baby in my arms while they cry. I will also nurse my baby for comfort as well as food, for as long as he/she wants. That is what "nursing" is all about. It isn't just breast feeding. It is nursing/comforting/nurturing. I totally disagree with her nursing "advice"


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I definitely believe in comfort nursing. I think there is a difference between comfort nursing, and frantic stop-the-crying nursing. With the former the baby is comforted, and with the latter, they keep latching off and crying. I don't know if Solter makes that distinction very well. I sometimes think she was so against the tide with her work, she could be very clinical in the way she addressed practical life. I think if you read enough of her work you get the spirit of it, and her spirit is so baby centered, it would be impossible to view her as anything but being on the side of the baby's comfort and well being.

MamanMusique, your first year with your son sounds a lot like ours.


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## sphinx (Mar 13, 2003)

hmm - heartmama & MamanMusique - my son sounds much like yours, but we had a fantastic birth - absolutely no trauma, no separation, i've been wearing him just about 24/7 until now (he's almost 7 months and can now sit on the floor & play for 10 minutes at a time without freaking out). But I think I definitely overnurse him - he won't go to sleep without the breast, and then does exactly as described - wakes up when the breast is gone and wails - which is greeted with more milk (which creates gas, etc etc etc). He sleeps in 30 minute increments, day and (at least the first part of the) night. I want to read this book. Sometimes I get so frustrated by the crying, then other times, if I'm calm and just let him cry he will chill out a bit. DH is completely unable to hear the crying, which causes major anxiety in the house and I am sure ds is reflecting all the tension in his little body and his copious tears.

sorry didn't mean to hijack.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

not hijacking at all. You can get her books cheaply on Ebay.


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
I can see where one would read the book and might react to it the way you have. When I first read it, I, too thought the author was a bit on the far side of the pendulum. I did not, however catch from it that you should only feed every four hours and 'let the baby cry'. I would like to know what page you saw that on, so I can re-read.


I don't remember the exact page, don't have the book on hand right now, but when she talks about not letting them confort suck, she specifically says she let her child cry for 45 minutes instead of letting him nurse, then after that he only ate every 4 hours, like she had trained him well. That turned me off. Then the part about addicting them to junk food is just a little blurb in the food section. She says something about "if your child is addicted to sweats (which can happen if you overnursed them in the past) . . ." or something like that.

But I guess I see what everyone is saying - if you have a child that can't be conforted and cries all the time, and you don't have any idea why, this can be a good book. On the other hand, I'm just afriad that other people, whose babies are not inraged from negative experiences, will just let their kids cry needlessly, like there's not enough information in the book about how to distinguish when they need to cry and when they actually need you to do something for them, like feed them or change thier diaper or something.


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## mamalex (Mar 2, 2004)

My ds was born naturally, at home, and he has been an easy-going baby. However, he has always been extroverted/distracted? to the point of refusing to sleep or nurse if ANYTHING is going on. He would have "weaned" himself at 4 months if I had not made myself go home, kick people out, etc. every few hours. He was never a "comfort" nurser, and at around 6 months I felt like I was trying to force him to take the breast at times that he didn't want it (i.e. when he was upset.) After reading Aware Baby, I stopped trying to comfort with milk, and for my child, I noticed a big difference. Also, Solter's book struck a chord with us because ds becomes overstimulated and has a hard time going to sleep. Like today, we had a busy morning and he got tired around naptime. We read books in bed, and then he squirmed and laughed for half an hour...according to Solter, laughing can also be an emotional release. I kept lying him down- his eyes were half shut. Eventually, he started to cry, and I was cuddling him and whispering "mama's here, it's okay, you're sleepy." He knew where my breast was as I was lying in the same position I feed him in at night. He never expressed the need/desire to nurse. He cried for about 2-3 minutes, sighed, and then went to sleep.

Also, Solter does make a distinction b/w very young babies and older ones. Can't remember the details, but she says you should not limit the nursing of very young babies. For me, I think "very young" is in the first few months.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Benji'sMom*
I don't remember the exact page, don't have the book on hand right now, but when she talks about not letting them confort suck, she specifically says she let her child cry for 45 minutes instead of letting him nurse, then after that he only ate every 4 hours, like she had trained him well.

Okay

I got my book out and re-read the full chapter on feeding. She suggests you demand feed totally for the first few weeks. Once a feeding pattern is established, the baby needs 7-10 times in a 24 hour period, which is a maximum of 2-3 1/2 hours between feedings. When you consider that the baby might sleep "all night" (5-6 hours), 7-10 nursings will make a maximum of 3 hours go by before nursing again. I do not see anywhere where she suggests you let the baby cry until 4 hours has passed-nor do I see any suggestion close to it, until the baby gets older and the pattern changes, but I see this as a child led-pattern change. She goes on to sayt that :

"...The only logical time to feed a baby is when she is hungry (or thirsty). This means using a self-demand approach and letting hte baby indicate when she is hungry. It is possible to make two mistakes in this regard: waithing too long between feedings and feeding to frequently (overnursing). Babies who are forced to wait for their feedings, even though they are crying from hunger, will learn that they have no control over what happens to them, and may grow up feeling powerless and unable to trust their needs will be met. Overnursing can occur when a mother interprets every cry as a hunger cry, or thinks that nursing for comfort is an appropriate wayt to calm a crying baby, even though the baby has nursed recently and could not be hungry."

What I read from her suggestions is that it is a good idea to cue into your baby's crying, and offer comfort from other sources...holding, talking, and just letting baby know you are there.

I wonder too, if some of the confusion of her meanings depends on what Edition of her book we are reading. I have her "revised" editon. Maybe she put the example in the book you read, and for later editions didn't feel comfortable with her own advice!









Any way,

Happy reading, and happy nursing to everyone!


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
"...The only logical time to feed a baby is when she is hungry (or thirsty). This means using a self-demand approach and letting hte baby indicate when she is hungry. It is possible to make two mistakes in this regard: waithing too long between feedings and feeding to frequently (overnursing). Babies who are forced to wait for their feedings, even though they are crying from hunger, will learn that they have no control over what happens to them, and may grow up feeling powerless and unable to trust their needs will be met. Overnursing can occur when a mother interprets every cry as a hunger cry, or thinks that nursing for comfort is an appropriate wayt to calm a crying baby, even though the baby has nursed recently and could not be hungry."

What I read from her suggestions is that it is a good idea to cue into your baby's crying, and offer comfort from other sources...holding, talking, and just letting baby know you are there.


I can only speak from my experience, but I don't believe you can over-breastfeed a baby. They refuse it if they aren't interested. I suppose it is possible to offer an older child at every turn and get into a pattern of them nursing out of boredom, etc. but we are speaking of babies.

I DO think that nursing is an appropriate way to comfort a crying baby. That is why it is called "comfort nursing"









There is a ton of biology at work here as well, to consider. Babies also "comfort suck" during growth spurts to bring up milk supply. They may also seek the breast during times of physical pain. It is well known that breastfeeding has an analgesic effect. Many physicians recommend nursing a baby during a blood draw to lessen the pain. So it isn't just about emotional comfort (not to minimize that, of course) but also about physical comfort, and more....


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:

I wonder too, if some of the confusion of her meanings depends on what Edition of her book we are reading. I have her "revised" editon. Maybe she put the example in the book you read, and for later editions didn't feel comfortable with her own advice!









Any way,

Happy reading, and happy nursing to everyone!
I'll try to go through the book and find the exact example and page #.
Thanks to everyone for their replies, lots to think about!


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Okay, here's the example she gives about letting her DS cry (it was 20 min, not 45, but I still think it's just as wierd): Page 84, Revised ed., first page on Food:

"One morning _at three months of age_, my son nursed extensively on both breasts and stopped himself. After 90 mintues of playing happily, he began to cry very hard. I did not nurse him again, but gave him my full attention while holding him. He cried very hard for 20 minutes, then fell into a deep sleep for about an hour. He woke up very happy and was extremely alert and active for about a half hour. He then gradually began to make little sounds of discomfort...I interpreted this as hunger, and offered my breast...He had no more crying spells that day, and wanted to nurse only about every _four_ hours. In between feeding he was calm and content."

So, she let a 3 month old cry for 20 minutes, very hard, after an hour and half of playing. So, He played for an hour and a half, was probably thirsty, but she just let him cry for another 20 min. That's an hour and 50 mintues between feedings, then he slept for an hour, so that's 2 hr 50 min between feedings, then he got up and played for another 30 min, so that's 3 hrs 20 min. I'm sorry, when my son was 3 months old he ate more often than that, and if he had been crying for 20 mintues he'd definitely be thirsty by then! Then he only "wanted to nurse about every 4 hours." Yeah, I'm sure he wanted it more than that, but didn't dare ask, why bother, she'd just make him cry it out anyway.

She also says, page 78 that she recommends fewer feedings with longer intervals in betweeen because babies can thrive whether they are nursed frequently "_or at intervals of several hours_." Okay, here's the problem with that, you can't MAKE a baby nurse longer with longer intervals between, because different breasts hold different amounts of milk at one time, although they can all make adequate amounts over a 24-hour period. If my breasts hold I don't know, 3 oz at a time, my baby will have to nurse more frequently to get the same amount of milk as someone whose breasts hold 6 oz at a time. Although at the end of the day both babies will end up with 24 oz total, or whatever it is. So it's just impossible to regulate how much the baby is eating at one time. I think her idea of limiting it to 7-10 nursings a day beginning at 3 _weeks_ old (page 78) sounds too much like Babywise.

She also says, page 75, "Although repetative sucking does have a calming effect on infants, there is no evidence that they need to suck for non-nurtritive reasons." Um, What? They don't need to be calmed, EVER? That's news to me. So she doesn't think the child could ever be thirsty (she talks in the book about thirst being a valid reason to nurse, but does she practice what she preaches?), and she also doesn't think he ever needs to experience a calming effect. Hmmm...


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## Plummeting (Dec 2, 2004)

Yeah, actually there is a *lot* of evidence that babies need to suck for non-nutritive reasons. That very evidence suggests that FF babies who use a pacifier (sucking for non-nutritive reasons) have 1/3 the rate of SIDS of FF babies who do *not* use a pacifier (and therefore don't get any non-nutritive sucking). And of course, we all know BF babies who are nursed on demand have 1/5 the rate of FF babies who don't use pacifiers. I agree that some babies need to cry to vent and there is nothing a parent could/should do to try to stop the crying. BUT, saying babies should only nurse for food? Come on, let's get real here. That whole "overnursing and babies will become sugar junkies if they nurse too much" line of thought is very negative to me. And my baby also needed to nurse about every 60 to 90 minutes for the first 4 or 5 months of her life. I probably nursed her 15+ times a day for 5 months. Yet, she's healthy, happy, refuses all sweets (even the birthday cake and Rice Dream I tried to give her) and certainly isn't addicted to nursing, although she sure does love it!


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

I must have a really old copy *LOL*. None of the pages match.

None of those statements alarm me, because I understand it in context. To compare it to babywise is a little like saying that Sears is a little like Ezzo, since they both believe in breastfeeding. Context is everything.

Solter devotes a lengthy section in the beginning of the book, addressing the importance of demand feeding, and responding to every single cry. She is as articulate and passionate about the importance of this as any other author on the topic.

Quote:

The only logical time to feed a baby is when she is hungry. This means using a self demand approach and letting the baby indicate when it is time for a feeding. This will allow her to grow up with a feeling of mastery and powerfulness. A baby who is forced to wait for her feedings even though she is crying from hunger will soon learn that she has no control over what happens to her, and may give up trying to be in charge of her own life; likewise, a baby who's needs are always anticipated, and is fed before she asks, does not have a chance to develop this powerfulness and she is likely to become just as passive as the baby who is forced to wait. This is why it is important to wait until the baby indicates her hunger before offering a breast or bottle, and then to offer it promptly. Some babies eventually develop a regular nursing schedule, others never do.
I think she says a lot of things which are controversial about crying. I agree she really does not seem to support comfort nursing, and it's a valid criticism of her work. However that is still in context. She is much more like Sears or any ap author in that she is ultimately on the side of the baby, not the parent. She just has a very different view on crying. She fully believes in the healing power of crying in arms, and in my copy, the end of nearly every paragraph has a reference number for the research she is basing it upon. She includes references to Janov casually; she is clearly the product of the science she worked around.

I definitely believe in taking the spirit of the work altogether. Sears included a section on how to spank correctly in his earlier discipline books. Any author who writes about a topic that is outside the mainstream, may or may not say things that will later be viewed as contrary to their overall message.

Solter says again and again that a baby she be kept in arms, should co sleep, and should never, EVER be ignored. You can't take her words out of that context and compare her to Ezzo, anymore than you should do it with Sears, kwim?


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

And hungriness can make a baby too fussy to nurse properly. Yet another reason not to delay feedings whether "nutritive" or not. Very frequent feeding for any reason at any age is normal and healthy.

It's normal if a baby of ANY age wants to nurse a few times an HOUR!!!

The author may be well intentioned, but does not understand cue feeding. Not unusual in our culture.


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Benji'sMom*
Okay, here's the example she gives about letting her DS cry (it was 20 min, not 45, but I still think it's just as wierd): Page 84, Revised ed., first page on Food:

"One morning _at three months of age_, my son nursed extensively on both breasts and stopped himself. After 90 mintues of playing happily, he began to cry very hard. I did not nurse him again, but gave him my full attention while holding him. He cried very hard for 20 minutes, then fell into a deep sleep for about an hour. He woke up very happy and was extremely alert and active for about a half hour. He then gradually began to make little sounds of discomfort...I interpreted this as hunger, and offered my breast...He had no more crying spells that day, and wanted to nurse only about every _four_ hours. In between feeding he was calm and content."

...









What about the 3 month growth spurt?

Non-nutritive sucking:
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsuck.html


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## mamalex (Mar 2, 2004)

Every parent chooses to do what they feel is best for their own child, and every child is so different. When faced when so much information these days, whether online or in books, you just have to listen to what resonates in your heart. Cosleeping feels right in my heart, breastfeeding feels right, not circumcizing feels right, elimination communication feels right, not vaxing...etc. etc. Aletha Solter's approach felt and still feels right for our family. It's just one of those things on mothering.com that some people won't agree with for their own family, and that's okay. I still go to La Leche League because those mamas are my sisters even though I may feel differently about nursing to sleep and comfort nursing. And there are certainly days that we do both (teething, sick, growth spurt,...)


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Momtwice, Solter says that if a baby gets to the point of crying from hunger, earlier cues may have been ignored. That is why she says the mother should cosleep and sling, so that the baby is close enough for the mother to see it's pre crying hunger cues (rooting, etc.). I just want to point out she puts complete trust in the mother to figure this out. She gives parents a lot of credit.

She really isn't someone you can put in a box in terms of her advice. I like her because she is so unique!


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heartmama*
Momtwice, Solter says that if a baby gets to the point of crying from hunger, earlier cues may have been ignored. That is why she says the mother should cosleep and sling, so that the baby is close enough for the mother to see it's pre crying hunger cues (rooting, etc.). I just want to point out she puts complete trust in the mother to figure this out. She gives parents a lot of credit.

She really isn't someone you can put in a box in terms of her advice. I like her because she is so unique!


That might make sense...but is she contradicting herself?

If she encourages mom to trust the baby's cues, that's great.

If she is discouraging the mom from cue feeding because she feels the mother shouldn't nurse too often (as in one of the quotes above) that's not good because SOME moms will have supply problems on a mother-directed schedule that doesn't allow cue feeding.

As Dettwyler says,

Quote:

Regardless of one's parenting philosophy, there are limits to human physiological adaptation in terms of producing milk (on the mother's part) and growth and health (on the child's part). It is POSSIBLE for some women to produce sufficient milk when nursing on a three hour schedule, or even a four hour schedule. However, many many women will not
http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detchristian.htm

As someone else suggested it sounds like later editions might clarify this? Hard to say without having seen both editions.


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Momtwice*

As someone else suggested it sounds like later editions might clarify this? Hard to say without having seen both editions.

Mine's 2001, but it also has all the quotes that Heartmama brought up, so I don't really know if the year has anything to do with it.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Maman*Musique*
I DO think that nursing is an appropriate way to comfort a crying baby. That is why it is called "comfort nursing"









There is a ton of biology at work here as well, to consider. Babies also "comfort suck" during growth spurts to bring up milk supply. They may also seek the breast during times of physical pain. It is well known that breastfeeding has an analgesic effect. Many physicians recommend nursing a baby during a blood draw to lessen the pain. So it isn't just about emotional comfort (not to minimize that, of course) but also about physical comfort, and more....

I totally agree with this!







I have two babes, and each of them have their unique patterns for breastfeeding. My first, nursed often, and would seek out the breast whenever she felt out of sorts, hungry or not. My second, baby seems to use the breast mainly for food and sometimes to help herself fall asleep. If she is upset for other reasons, but not hungry, she doesn't seem to want to use the breast to help herself calm down.

I really like the debate that is coming out of this book. It is really good to see how differently we interpret the same set of words. Just as we each read from our own view point, our babies see the world from their own unique perspectives.

Thank You Benji's Mom for taking the time to find the quote. I do remember reading what you just typed, but I guess I didn't take it the same way as you did.









I would suggest for anybody who is still reading this thread, to read her followup, Helping Children Flourish. I think it puts her thoughts into a better perspective, when you read with the toddler in mind, rather than the helpless little baby.

I would like to add one thing...in "The Aware Baby" she talked about the effects of a traumatic birth. My first baby had a very traumatic birth, which ended up in an emergency C-section, as her heart tones were going and staying low. She was born at 12:05 a.m., and her umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around her neck and twisted around other parts of her body. Aletha mentioned that such babies might frequently wake up at the time of their birth, screaming and crying. My baby did this-almost every night between 12 and 12:30 she would wake up screaming and crying- no matter what time I put her down, she would wake at this time. It still gives me chills to think about it! Another thing, they attached an internal monitor that they stuck to her head while she was inside me, and she still pats her head and says "ow" for seemingly no reason. Who knows?


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## Victorian (Jan 2, 2003)

sounds like an interesting book. I will have to read it to gather my thoughts. It seems (from these quotes) that she is contraidicting herself on this one.

I always thought that crying in arms is a term that is used when one TRIES to calm a baby but they need to cry. IMO, having the resources to stop the crying (i.e. nursing whether or not YOU think they need to) but refuse to do it in order to put them on an arbritary nursing schedule for your convienence is just CIO in a nice dress.

V.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Victorian*
sounds like an interesting book. I will have to read it to gather my thoughts. It seems (from these quotes) that she is contraidicting herself on this one.

I always thought that crying in arms is a term that is used when one TRIES to calm a baby but they need to cry. IMO, having the resources to stop the crying (i.e. nursing whether or not YOU think they need to) but refuse to do it in order to put them on an arbritary nursing schedule for your convienence is just CIO in a nice dress.

V.

You are right...you need to read the book. The crying examples the author uses are not used for 'training' the baby. Her whole point about crying is that sometimes babies and young children cry to express their rage and hurt feelings, just as adults do. Her whole point in the book is that we should be aware that this emotional release is just as important for them, as it is for us. She makes herself very clear that feeding should be on demand, and following the baby's cues. Also, she makes it clear that this is NOT CIO. If your baby has a hurt to express, it is up to you to be sensitive to their needs, and let them know that you will listen to it.

Again, taking the example of her son crying in her lap out of context of the book, makes it "appear" that she trained him well. However, her example goes to show that her son was having some hurt feelings, and was crying. Her first impulse was to comfort him with the breast, but he had recently eaten and wasn't necessarily crying for food. She decided to comfort him by holding him and giving him the freedom to express his hurt in the only way he knew at the time--crying. Her point that he slept after wards and didn't continue to need to constantly nurse all day was to let the reader know that in this instance his hurt feelings had been resolved by having a good cry.

Consider this...Have you ever had a time where your feelings were really hurt, and you had a good cry and felt better afterwards? Just as a good cry makes us feel better, so too will our children. Again, I think that her advice is better taken with an older baby or toddler in mind. I do not think she meant to imply that a helpless baby should not be tended to.

This is NOT a baby training book!!!!!!! It is a book to help parents become aware of the fact that even babies and small children have deep emotions that need to be expressed and listened to!

I cannot begin to say enough what a profound effect her books and insights have had in helping me learn to listen to my children's emotional needs. My oldest child and I are really in sync partly due to how I handle her moments of frustration. Thanks to this book, I see a tantrum differently than others. It is not a selfish bid for attention or trying to get her way...it is a biological, emotional release. A child who is throwing a tantrum doesn't need discipline or ignoring, she needs to be listened to and supported. She needs to know that she is loved even when she is totally out of control.

In her follow up book, she discusses using laughter to overcome fears. My child wouldn't sit still for nailcutting for anything. She would scream, fuss and act terribly. After reading that section, I tried it. We got the nailcutters out, and laughed as I pretended that I was her. She laughed, I laughed and pretty soon, she was offering me her hand to cut her nails.


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
Thank You Benji's Mom for taking the time to find the quote. I do remember reading what you just typed, but I guess I didn't take it the same way as you did.









I would suggest for anybody who is still reading this thread, to read her followup, Helping Children Flourish. I think it puts her thoughts into a better perspective, when you read with the toddler in mind, rather than the helpless little baby.


You're welcome







.

Maybe it would make more sense for a toddler - I'll take a look at Helping Children Flourish, thanks for the suggestion.


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## IdentityCrisisMama (May 12, 2003)

I got similar advice to what Heartmama and Suzetta are saying and I must say that it really, really spoke to me. This idea fit with my child and helped both of us very much. The simplest way I could describe it is that it was a form of honoring my child’s emotions and really listening to my child.


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## Suzetta (Dec 21, 2003)

I hope this does not break any copyright laws. I found this on her website, which might help to clarify her views on crying. She does make it clear that this concerns crying that occurs after all basic needs have been met.

***********************************************

What to do when your baby cries
by
Aletha Solter, Ph.D.

(French version "Que faire quand votre bébé pleure?")
(German version "Was tun, wenn dein Baby weint?")
(Spanish version "¿Qué hacer cuando un bebé llora?")

Note: this advice should not be used as a substitute for medical opinion and treatment. If illness or pain are suspected, always consult with a doctor. For more information on this topic, see Dr. Solter's books,The Aware Baby and Tears and Tantrums (Shining Star Press, P.O. Box 206, Goleta, CA 93116, U.S.A.).

A crying baby is a source of concern for many parents. When your baby cries and you don't know why, it can bring up feelings in you of anxiety, helplessness, frustration, incompetence, and even anger and hostility. There is much advice about crying babies, but most of it fails to explain the real reasons for crying, and offers suggestions that are damaging to your baby's emotional development.

There are two reasons why babies cry. One reason is to communicate a need or discomfort. Perhaps they are hungry, bored, cold, or they just want to be held. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what they need. The role of parents is to try to fill babies' needs as promptly and as accurately as possible. Babies cannot be "spoiled." It is impossible to give them too much love, attention, or physical contact.

The second reason for crying during infancy is less well understood. Many babies continue to cry even after all of their basic needs have been met, and even while they are being held. This kind of crying, which peaks at around six weeks of age, has been called "colic" or "irritable crying." It can last several hours a day. The traditional explanations for this crying have focused on possible physical problems such as gas pains or indigestion. However, research has shown that most babies with "colic" have nothing wrong with their digestion, and are usually in excellent health. It is therefore necessary to consider the possible emotional reasons for crying.

Infants are extremely vulnerable, and have a considerable amount of emotional pain resulting from an accumulation of stressful experiences. Distress can be caused by a traumatic birth or difficulties after birth. Babies experience confusion as they attempt to understand the world, and they are easily frightened and overstimulated. In addition, they feel frustrated as they attempt to learn new skills and communicate. All of these result in emotional pain that is stored in the body.

Fortunately, babies come equipped with a repair kit, and can overcome the effects of stress through the natural healing mechanism of crying. Research has shown that people of all ages benefit from a good cry, and tears help to restore the body's chemical balance following stress. An infant who has been isolated in an incubator without much human contact for several days may need to cry and rage for many hours over a period of months in order to release the emotional pain caused by such a terrifying and confusing experience. A three-month-old may need to have a long cry following a family reunion during which he was handled by many unfamiliar people. A six-month-old who has been trying to crawl forward all day and can only manage to go backwards may need, by the end of the day, to express his frustrations by crying and raging before he can drift peacefully off to sleep. Crying in these examples is not the hurt; it is the process of becoming unhurt.

What can parents do? First of all, it is important to check for immediate needs and discomforts, such as hunger or coldness. But if your baby is still fussy after you have filled her basic needs, it is quite appropriate simply to hold her lovingly and allow her to continue crying. Babies need closeness and attention when they are crying. No baby should ever be left to cry alone. Even though you may feel ineffective when holding your crying baby, in reality you are providing her with much-needed emotional support while she is releasing stress in this manner. Your baby is not rejecting you when she is crying. She is simply feeling safe enough to show you her feelings, just as you yourself might burst into tears if a trusted friend were to put his arm around you and acknowledge that you have had a hard day. Parents who hold their babies and allow them to express themselves in this manner usually notice that their babies are relaxed and content after the crying spell, and sleep better at night.

Why is it so difficult to hold a crying baby and to accept the crying? Probably because few people were allowed to cry as much as needed when they were little. Your parents may have tried to stop you from crying when you were a baby. Perhaps they gave you a pacifier, or kept trying to feed you, or jiggled you every time you cried, thinking this was what you needed at the moment. Perhaps they tried to distract you with toys, music, or games, when all you needed was their undivided attention and loving arms so that you could continue with your crying. They may have asked the doctor for sedatives to calm you down, or left you to cry alone, thinking there was nothing they could do. Perhaps they even hit you or yelled at you out of sheer frustration and desperation. As you grew older, perhaps you experienced more distractions or punishments from your parents and teachers as they became annoyed with your attempts to release your feelings by crying.

Your parents are not to be blamed, because they lacked information about the importance of stress-release crying. However, because of this childhood conditioning, you may find it hard to recognize this need in your own children, and you may feel pulled to stop them from crying in similar ways. It takes time to undo a lifetime of conditioning. Perhaps you need to have a good cry yourself. My advice is to go right ahead. If you can find someone to listen to you, that's even better. You will feel much better afterwards, and your baby's crying may seem a little more acceptable to you. If you find yourself becoming frustrated and exhausted because your baby cries a lot, you deserve all the help and support you can get.

Please note that this is NOT A "CRY-IT-OUT" APPROACH. I do NOT advocate letting babies cry alone. There is a huge difference between leaving a baby to cry alone in a crib and holding a crying baby lovingly in your arms, while providing comfort and reassurance.

Copyright © 1996 by Aletha Solter

The Aware Parenting Institute


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Suzetta*
What can parents do? First of all, it is important to check for immediate needs and discomforts, such as hunger or coldness. But if your baby is still fussy after you have filled her basic needs, it is quite appropriate simply to hold her lovingly and allow her to continue crying. Babies need closeness and attention when they are crying. No baby should ever be left to cry alone.

Please note that this is NOT A "CRY-IT-OUT" APPROACH. I do NOT advocate letting babies cry alone. There is a huge difference between leaving a baby to cry alone in a crib and holding a crying baby lovingly in your arms, while providing comfort and reassurance.


CIO parents always think they have attended to all immediate needs before they let the child CIO, this doesn't sound any different. CIO doesn't have to be Cry Alone. If they actually have a need, you still have to do something about it.

Let me just stress here that I really did think the emotional release stuff made a lot of sense, I'm not totally 100% against the book. I think every parent has experienced an unconsolable baby/toddler/child and it's great to hear someone finally say "It's okay! It's normal, you're not causing it!" And after I read the book, DS had a crying fit one night where he wouldn't take any usual comforts, and it was great to know that he was just PO'd about something and needed to cry. He eventually went to sleep in arms. (The day after I read it, maybe?) But as the book goes on, she seems to be advocating CIO even though she _says_ she doesn't. By the end of the book, I was left wondering "Is there any time when you CAN comfort them? Do they have to work it out on their own _all the time_? I mean, sometimes when I'm crying I want to be alone, but sometimes I really want a boob to suck on!" :LOL (well, you get the idea!








). I felt like it was crying overload or something.

Maybe I was just too taken aback by the "no comfort sucking" thing. Maybe if I re-read the book and just ignored the wierd breastfeeding advice I would get more out of it. I'd like to re-read it to see really how much info she gives on how to discern the need for comfort vs. the need for release. Maybe that will help.


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## Maman*Musique (May 13, 2005)

I agree that sometimes a baby/child just needs to be held while they cry but I completely disagree with what she says (as has been quoted on this thread - I have not read the book) on breastfeeding/comfort nursing.
I also believe that if a baby is crying after a day of being held by a bunch of strangers (family or otherwise) that it may be an opportunity for the parent to respond by apologizing to the baby/child and steering clear of huge, stressful, gatherings where they might be pressured to hand over their baby.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

having the resources to stop the crying (i.e. nursing whether or not YOU think they need to) but refuse to do it in order to put them on an arbritary nursing schedule for your convienence is just CIO in a nice dress.
Well, Solter says right at the beginning that she doesn't believe in arbitrary schedules. She believes in feeding the baby when it is hungry. Period. I think Solter believed 100% that a mother will know the difference between a hunger cry and a trauma cry. If anything I think she is over confident about that. She does devote a section to her book on how to tell the difference. And it begins by saying that when a baby cries, above all, make sure all immediate needs have been met, before considering it may be a trauma cry.

Solter writes extensively against parenting for convenience, and includes a lot of parent oriented workpages in the book, just to address those kinds of attitudes (ie. I don't have time to listen to this baby cry etc.).

She writes extensively against CIO. She is very articulate and passionate about the harm it does to a baby to feel their cries are ignored. I think she articulates it better than many traditional ap authors.

You just cannot peg her with the kind of Ezzo vs. Sears spectrum that people here use to "rate" a book. Solter was not a pediatrician or a religious fanatic. She had a completely different background than either author. Above all her book was really about a therapy being applied to traumatized infants.

Something else I noticed in the book:

Solter points out that most young babies are physiologically incapable of refusing to nurse when it's offered. Most will nurse briefly just to figure out whether they want to nurse.

If a baby is crying from trauma, they probably WILL stop and nurse each time it's offered, but it's a squirmy, fussy, quickly latching off to cry more kind of nurse. It tends to exhaust the mother and frustrate the baby.

I 100% believe that Solter saw a lot of that kind of baby. Probably, mothers of such babies were the very people who sought her out, and responded to her theories.

I think the most generous way to take Solter's intentions would be to understand it in the context of mothers who had already tried nursing for every cry, and still did not feel their baby was happy. I think Solter was speaking especially to those mothers, whether she realized it or not.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

CIO parents always think they have attended to all immediate needs before they let the child CIO, this doesn't sound any different. CIO doesn't have to be Cry Alone. If they actually have a need, you still have to do something about it.
But that isn't true. Parents who CIO are intentionally withholding the attention that *THEY KNOW THE BABY IS CRYING TO GET*. CIO parents know full well that the baby wants attention. They aren't going to give it. That is the whole point of CIO. Not responding.

Solter states plainly that the purpose of crying in arms is for the baby to have the complete and total attention it wants from you!

I think it puts a totally unrealistic pressure on parents to suggest that, at all times, they must be actively distracting their baby from crying. That is tatamount to blaming the parent for the crying. It is saying that if at any point you stop trying to distract them, this is the same as "CIO". I'm not saying anyone here thinks that. However I have seen it said in the name of AP, and it is a VERY toxic attitude towards crying. It equates good parenting with a quiet baby. That is only going to make parents of quiet babies feel better. It's going to make parents of chronic criers feel like complete failures, or worse, lead them to conclude the constant crying is proof there is nothing they can do for this baby, and choose to CIO.

This is exactly why Solter is so necessary to the AP community. She brings parents closer to the crying baby, within a context that goes deeper than immediate needs. I think Solter really shines a light on parents who are struggling with that kind of crying.


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## Victorian (Jan 2, 2003)

Ok, once again I have not read the book but this quote: (from Benji's Mom's post)

Quote:

One morning at three months of age, my son nursed extensively on both breasts and stopped himself. After 90 mintues of playing happily, he began to cry very hard. I did not nurse him again, but gave him my full attention while holding him. He cried very hard for 20 minutes, then fell into a deep sleep for about an hour. He woke up very happy and was extremely alert and active for about a half hour. He then gradually began to make little sounds of discomfort...I interpreted this as hunger, and offered my breast...
It sure seems to me that a 3 month old, after 90 mintues, would NEED to nurse again for food (mind you that if counting nursing time you start from the BEGINNING of a nursing session to the BEGINNING of the next meaning that it was more like 120 mintures from the last nursing).

This to me sounds like she was not responding to the child's cue. IMO, she should have offered the breast and if the child didn't respond to nursing try another tatic. IMO he feel asleep because he was tramatized by her lack of response to his hunger, not because he dealt with some inner tramua.

After reading more on this post and googling it, I realize that I have had a doula client that followed this method. It was horrible to watch. She would put that poor baby off for so long. He was a gentle little spirit but she was trying her darndest to sure he had issues.







Same with the older child.

Victorian

BTW - I never compared this to Ezzo. I don't believe that she has an "evil" child component that he does. I have lots of education on these things too and I simpley disagree with her conclusions.


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## heartmama (Nov 27, 2001)

Quote:

IMO, she should have offered the breast and if the child didn't respond to nursing try another tatic. IMO he feel asleep because he was tramatized by her lack of response to his hunger, not because he dealt with some inner tramua.
Maybe he was hungry, and that mother was completely out of tune with her baby.

So, if he *was* crying from inner trauma, what do you think that should look like?

Quote:

After reading more on this post and googling it, I realize that I have had a doula client that followed this method. It was horrible to watch. She would put that poor baby off for so long. He was a gentle little spirit but she was trying her darndest to sure he had issues.
It's hard to respond to that. Maybe she did read the book, over analyzed her baby, ignored all the chapters on demand feeding, intuition, meeting other needs first, staying in tune etc. and wound up letting her poor baby scream needlessly in the name of "therapy". But that reminds me of people who read gd books and decide it's about "letting them do whatever they want", and let their child play around traffic, kwim?


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## Victorian (Jan 2, 2003)

Quote:

So, if he *was* crying from inner trauma, what do you think that should look like?
if he refused to nurse or be soothed then I would consider a cry to be something that needs to be worked through.

I will read the book and then discuss this with more clarity on the book. I hope that you don't mind me taking a raincheck till then. I don't want to spout all my ideas based on talking out my *hmmm*

Victorian

p.s. that is my dd's favorite one (blueman) too


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## Benji'sMom (Sep 14, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *heartmama*
Well, Solter says right at the beginning that she doesn't believe in arbitrary schedules. She believes in feeding the baby when it is hungry. Period.

True, she doesn't say they _need_ to be on a strict 4 hour schedule, but she does say that by *3 weeks* your baby should be on a 2.5-3.5 hour schedule, like you should expect a 3 week old to be on a regular schedule. Whenever I hear people telling me what my baby "should" be doing at such-and-such age, it perks my ears up because that just causes needless worry for parents when things don't happen right. And I think one problem is that she believes that 7-10 feedings in 24 hours IS demand feeding, and as far as I know it should be 8-12, not 7-10. And her saying 7-10 is just as good as 8-12 REALLY sounded to me like an excerpt of Ezzo's co-author who basically said the same thing, that there's no point in feeding 12 times a day because 8 is just as good for baby's nourishment and mother's supply. I think I just have a problem with what Solter defines as demand feeding.

But, what I did like about the book is:
1. regonition that some crying IS unconsolable, please don't think you just aren't doing enough to calm them.
2. Babies have feelings and get sad, scared, whatever, and it makes them cry, not all crying is from hunger or cold or sleepiness.
3. Don't let the baby cry by himself, of course that will just make him sadder.
4. Mothers know their own babies. (Except for some misguided information on BFing, maybe). But I'd actually like more info on baby's signals, because Solter seems to think she is capable of just knowing what is a trauma cry without even offering any comfort first; whereas I would try to comfort first and if comfort were refused I would recognize it as a trauma cry.


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## Momtwice (Nov 21, 2001)

Quote:

I think one problem is that she believes that 7-10 feedings in 24 hours IS demand feeding, and as far as I know it should be 8-12, not 7-10.
At least 8 to 12. More is also normal.


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