# After a stillbirth...



## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

My baby boy, Kevin, was stillborn on Sunday (11/10/02). I am still pretty numb as far as the emotions, but I have a couple of practical questions. My milk came in yesterday, and I can't find information in any of my breastfeeding books on what to do. I am using an ace bandage and a sports bra, but I can tell I'm getting engorged. I don't want to express, because it seems like that would stimulate more milk. Does anyone have ideas?

Also, I want to send out some sort of birth announcement, and the internet sites I looked at didn't have anything appropriate. Does anyone have a suggestion on where to go for stillbirth announcements?


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## Cindi (Nov 22, 2001)

I'm so sorry Katherine. What a difficult journey for you and your family.

I think you would be okay to express a little milk as you get extreme discomfort. It may extend the time it takes to end your supply, but for the more gentle transition it may be worth a litte extra time.

If you felt moved to share your milk you could look into donating milk to infants in need. I don't know of organizations off hand, but I'm sure many here could lead you there. But understandably you have a lot of emotional discomfort and it may be just too much for you to think about that. I would suggest donating milk only if it felt like a way of healing for you.

Sending my love,
Cindi

_edited to add_ Would a personal email be enough for your announcement? Did you want a web site? Or an e-card. We have a web design business if you are looking for help in putting a page up. PM me if you are interested.


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Thank you, Cindi, for your sympathy and ideas. I did send an e-mail announcement to people I e-mail. But I want something printed that I can mail out with our family's holiday letter, or maybe instead of a holiday letter. It would also be a tangible memento I could put in his scrapbook. My ideas feel so scattered right now, I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do.

Thanks again,


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## kazmir (Nov 21, 2001)

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't have much to give you but support. I would think expressing milk to relieve some pressure would be okay. Maybe a call into the hospital nurse would help, they must have some idea since some mothers don't want to nurse and have to deal with this as well.

I think a note or letter remembering your pregnancy and his birth would be a nice way to share with close friends and relatives. There are some nice stationary sheets you can get for computer printers now.

Just writing your experience down will help you, it helped me after my miscarriage.

Take care of yourself.

Robin


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## merpk (Dec 19, 2001)

Katherine, there are no words to say how my heart is breaking for you ... blessing you with strength & light ...

Perhaps contact the LLL, maybe at the national level, for information on milk banks in your state or region. I know they exist, just don't know where.










- Amy


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

KatherineinCA, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. The next months are going to be filled with so many emotions. Please know that it's normal to feel some pretty intense emotions while you journey through your greif.

Two organizations I've worked with may have the information you're looking for.

The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center www.pilc.org
SHARE www.nationalshareoffice.com

Both are very compassionate organizations that deal with the healing process of greiving families.

As for your milk. Wearing a comfortable, but not tight bra (like a sports bra) is best. If the bra is too tight, you could get a plugged duct. Also, just hand express a small amount when you feel engorgement to releive the pressure. Using a pump could stimulate the milk, but you also don't want to engorge and put yourself at risk of plugged duct and infection.

When my daughter Amanda was stillborn, I contacted several hospitals and organizations about donating my milk. I was told that due to the fact my milk supply had not been established It would probubly not be sufficient.

Have you had any rituals to remember Kevin? A funeral or memorial service is a nice way to allow yourself to greive. Having a birth announcement is a nice way to let people know how precious Kevin is to you and how difficult this time for your family. PILC has some wonderful books for explaining birth loss to children. You may find these helpful.

Please remember that you have given birth. You're body and soul need to heal together. Keep yourself well hydrated and try to eat small healthy meals throughout the day.

Please feel free to write your story here if you choose, the women in this forum are gentle and loving. Again, I'm so sorry and extend my heat to you as you heal. I'll light a candle tonight in Kevin's honor.

Gently,

Jacque


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## OceanMomma (Nov 28, 2001)

Katherine my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

I don't know the answer to your question about your milk, but I have heard of women drinking sage tea to help dry up their milk supply for weaning.

I'm not sure about birth announcements for still births. People don't like to deal with them so I doubt there's many pre-prepared ones to choose from on the market. I would suggest maybe chosing a blank card with a picture you like & add a verse that means something to you & your partner.

Take care of yourself. {{{hug}}}


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## JessicaS (Nov 18, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. My neice was stillborn almost two years ago and it is truly heartbreaking. I am not very god at expressing things but please take extra good care of yourself and dont be afraid to reach out to those in your community. Sometimes people have difficulty coping and understand how they can help.

As for the engorgement, get a cabbage and place individual leaves in your bra. Remove the leaves as they become soft and replace them with new leaves. Try this for a few days it should help a lot. (I know it sounds weird and cabbage smells..but thats what I was told) This is supposed to help dry up your milk.


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

I'm so sorry. My son as born still 2 months ago, and I leaked milk for nearly 2 months. Obviously the reducing-production advice I received didn't work for me, but hopefully it will for you. I was advised to wear a tight bra, drink sage tea, reduce fluid consumption [don't dehydrate yourself or anything, but don't drink as much as you would be if nursing either], and try relieving engorgement by showering or bathing in warm water- that often causes some of the milk to flow out without stimulating more production. If you do need to express milk, take as little as possible. [I was lucky enough not to experience painful engorgement myself, and was able to avoid expressing the milk- though I went through a lot of breast pads without doing so.]

I like OceanMomma's idea for an announcement. If you'd like some help coming up with an appropriate poem, let me know and I'll try to help.


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## emmaline (Dec 16, 2001)

Katherine I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Kevin. I hope you can have the space to feel all the feelings you have.

An announcement would certainly save you from having to tell the news over and over again before you may feel ready to do so.


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

My firstborn daughter Xiola was stillborn this last March after an uneventful, healthy pregnancy... she died mere minutes before her birth. One thing that Mike and I had to deal with was that everyone wanted to 'tell' us how to grieve, they all wanted us to do what they think they would have done, I guess. This was so stressful... don't be afraid to tell people what you really need, what would really help. It's okay to say you don't know what you need either, and ask for them to check back with you. Let people bring you food... just feeding ourselves was so hard at the beginning. It's something they can do to be helpful, and it makes at least one thing easier on you and your family.

Give yourself the time and the space to grieve this massive loss... but also, don't be afraid to laugh sometimes as well. We really would have lost our minds if we could'nt make each other laugh. I think that goes hand-in-hand with the fact that the biggest challenge (for me at least) was incorporating the loss of my daughter into who I am as a person... does that make sense? You are still *you*. Trust yourself to know what you need to heal from this and move forward... notice I did not say 'move on', I feel moving forward is a more accurate term for the work ahead.

And keep in touch with your husband... for some couples a loss like this can cause a big rift, however for Mike and I, it only made us closer (did'nt think it was possible for us to be any closer). This is tough on the dads because they want so much to be able to make things better, keep you and the family safe... Mike felt like there should have been something he could have done to prevent Xiola's death... it was definitely something we needed to talk out, so guilt over something he could not have prevented would'nt eat him alive.

There is a group called Perinatal Loss out of Portland OR that sells announcements for those who lost a baby. Their website is www.tearsoup.com (BTW, their book "Tear Soup" is an excellent storybook to use with your kids to help understand the grieving process... you'll enjoy it as well) They also have a 50-page 'book' called "When Hello Means Goodbye" which you might find helpful. We did not send out announcements after we lost Xiola (which I do regret but we called everyone who mattered) but we will be mentioning her in the birth announcements for the baby I carry now. Also, you may want to have friends tell aquaintances and have a close co-worker tell the others so you and dh don't get stuck having to explain where your baby is.

As for milk... mine came in 3 days after her birth, I woke up and my comforter was just soaked with it, oh... that was one of the very hardest days for me, to have all that milk and no baby to give it to. Frozen peas make good ice packs, this releived a lot of the engorgement for me. I tried all the things others mentioned as well (I did'nt express, though) and it still took 2 months before I was'nt leaking, and another month before thinking about her would'nt make me leak... and even after that I could still express a few drops. I just wanted to mention that because I had never dreamed it would take so long... I wish I would have known, I would have been better prepared for it.

Words cannot do justice to the sorrow I feel for you and your family.

XM


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## carminex (May 24, 2002)

I don't have any advice but just wated to say I am so sorry for your loss.
Heidi


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## Chanley (Nov 19, 2001)

Dear Katherine,

i am so sorry for your loss.

Try contacting Lori at www.attachmentscatalog.com

She does her own printing I believe and is an AP mom and would be really responsive I think. She makes beautiful and empowering cards and may have something for you.

Ohh and please do not hesitate to use this board as a place where you can vent or simply let go. Most of the moms who come here have had the tragedy of loss. I had a hard time (still do) opening up about the pain. You can talk here as some women find it hard to talk to others about it. We are here for you.

Love
Shannon


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## Gracefulmom (Apr 25, 2002)

Katherine...

I'm so sorry about your son Kevin.

We sent a birth announcement after our son died. It gave the date of his birth and death, his name, etc. It also said, "His life was important, no matter how short, and we wanted to share it with you."

Hope that helps a bit. I'll be praying for you and your family.

((((hugs))))


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## ladylee (Nov 20, 2001)

Dear Katherine--I'm so sorry to hear this, and you are all in my thoughts







.


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## Viola (Feb 1, 2002)

{{{{{{Katherine}}}}}}} how heartbreaking! I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Thank you all so, so much. Thank you for the information and support, and for sharing your experiences.

I finally put on a nursing bra with nursing pads today, that ace bandage and sports bra were just not working. I'm much more comfortable now. Hearing that it can take several months is helpful. I'll relax about trying to get the milk to stop within a few days. I kept asking about this in the hospital, but the nurses kept saying that if I wasn't nursing a baby, my milk wouldn't come in. They were so good in every other way, apparently they need to be educated about this, too.

We are going to have a small service on Monday with our children, and our immediate families. Oh, that will be a hard day.

Again, I appreciate so much everyone's support.


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## simonee (Nov 21, 2001)

(((((((Katherine, dh, Spencer, Brittany, Kyle)))))

(((((Kevin))))))

So very sorry about your loss... You'll be in my thoughts....


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Katherine, I'll be thinking of you on Monday. As hard as the service will be, you'll be able to reflect on it later.

The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Center does sell birth/death annoucements. Also, they have some beautiful books on loss that may help you and you're family. I really love the women there - full of compassion. I made up an annoucement to send out. I'll try to find a copy and share what I wrote.

Chanley's right, Attachments is a wonderful place. Lori's a beautiful person - I've ordered quite a bit from her and I'm always thrilled with the quality and care.

Nobody told me my milk would come in at all after my stillbirth. I was so shocked when I looked down my shirt was drenched. Your body knows you had a baby, so the hormones are stimulated. I got pregnant within three months of my stillbirth and my milk never really dried up completely. I'm sure it was the hormones.

How are you feeling Katherine? It must be so hard with kids underfoot. You're all so confussed and numb right now. Greif is a journey - I beleive it has no end, just many paths that you follow. I'll be thinking of you as you jouney.

Sending hugs and gentle thoughts.

Gently,

Jacque


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## jordmoder (Nov 20, 2001)

(((((Katherine))))) and (((((your family)))))

Thank you for sharing the loss of Kevin with us. It is such a weird time right after birth anyway, but then all the emotions!!! and hormones!!! when your baby is gone.

If you want to, or need to, know that you can share Kevin's birth story with us here - you will find support, concern, and understanding. You are now a member of a club that no one wants to join... but it's a big club, nonetheless.

Be gentle with yourself.

Barbara

mama to spirit child Jacob (10/23/98)
spirited child Noah (10/25/99)
little bird (m/c 5/18/01) and
Nathaniel (5/02/02) who just smiles


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## TrinitysMama (Mar 13, 2002)

I just saw this thread and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about little Kevin. My baby girl Trinity was stillborn in July of 2001. The last year has been so hard for us. I know what you are going through.

I hope that everything is settling down for you and your family and that you will be able to find time for yourself to grieve the way you need to.

If you are still having problems with your breasts being engorged and painful, try slipping a few cabbage leaves inside your bra. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked for me. Apparently there is some type of enzyme in the leaves that helps with the swelling and engorgement. I remember everyone told me not to stimulate my breasts or try to express any milk, but that was really bad advice. Just do whatever you need to do to be comfortable.

Take care of yourself and I will be thinking of you and your family.


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

Hugs to you on Kevin's due date- I hope you're getting through, and that your milk supply is going down or gone.


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## queencarr (Nov 19, 2001)

Katherine, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss of Kevin. My daughter Samantha was stillborn on August 23, 2002, after an uneventful pregnancy (although I developed preeclampsia after her death), and a very difficult first pregnancy (also severe PE). For the milk, I can tell you what I did: The second day after she was born, I began wearing a tightfitting bra during the day, and had dh literally bind me at night with ace bandages over a clean towel. It was tight enough that it was difficult to take a deep breath. If I wasn't bound or in a tight bra, I leaked. I should also mention that I have a 4 1/2 ds who still nurses at bedtime, so I encouraged him to nurse as long as he could at bedtime each night from both sides, and he occasionally nursed in the am. He went back to his more normal 1-2 minutes a night from one side only about 2 weeks after she was born. Dh would wrap me each night immediately after ds nursed. I continued to wrap up at night and wear a tight bra for about 2 weeks total, and although I still have milk it is not uncomfortable. DS does still nurse at night sometimes, but I am not leaking now, and it has been about 3 months.

All that was say, that a tight bra plus tight binding at night, and expressing (by nursing for me) til I was comfortable and them immediately wrappng up, controlled the abundance of milk within a couple of weeks.

Again, I am so sorry.

Carrie


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## Mommiska (Jan 3, 2002)

Katherine - I just saw this, and wanted you to know that I am so, so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Blessed Sunshine (May 9, 2002)

((Katherine)) I'm so very sorry. It's heartbreaking to hear of a mother separated from her child by death.

Personally, I feel an announcement sharing your loss is very appropriate. Not everyone will feel like it is, but that's your choice. If it helps you to share him, then do it.

For your service, have you considered a eulogy? Not necessarily you reading it, but writing it. It's very hard to do, but it was so nice to have. You would know what sweetheart well.

I have a suggestion, take it of leave it, but with my loss, we bought our boy a teddy bear, it's a tradition with us, each child received a teddy bear at birth. This teddy bear has a place of honow by the fireplace, but comes to family pictures with us. It's representative of our child. He may not be with us, but he's not forgotten, he's still part of our family.

Time will help ease the pain, it might be a few months before you feel "normal" or it might take a year. The pain eases in time, but it's always there, you'll have "baby days" as i call them that seem to pop out of no where. Nothing wrong with that. Don't deny your feelings, you have every right to feel all the emotions that are going to go through you, numbness, disbelief, anger, rage, sorrow, emptiness. It's all part of it. You may be stuck on one longer than the next. There's no formula for healing. It's individual.

Milk? I lost Morgan at only 19 weeks, and my milk came in. It dried faster for me, but I never was engorged.

take care of yourself, reach out when you need it, we're here. Hold you husband close, don't lock him out of your grieving, he needs you.


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

Thank you everyone for the support and empathy. It is somehow comforting to know of others who have had stillborn babies. It's easy to start feeling like I'm the only one, so thank you for sharing your stories.

Blessed Sunshine, thank you for the teddy bear idea. My mom just found an angel bear at Hallmark, with a personalized heart that says, "Kevin." He now sits in our family room, and the kids are able to hold him. I love the idea about taking the bear for family pictures. I am going to make him a Christmas stocking, too, just as I had planned.

I have decided what to do for Kevin's birth announcement, so now it's just a matter of getting it done. I'm going to do an announcement just as I would have done had he lived. I know some people will be uncomfortable, but it's so important to me to honor his little life in an "official" way.

I am planning on writing his birth story. I think I've been reluctant, because it will be make it that much more final and real. I've done lots of writing in my journal, but that's different. I just posted more information on my experience with Kevin on the Midwives/Doulas board, under "How do midwives diagnose IUGR?", if anyone is interested.

Thanks again for all the support. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost your babies. Now I know what you've gone through. I think the most defining aspect of this experience for me was actually burying Kevin. I don't think that anyone who hasn't experienced it could ever imagine the pain of a mother burying her child. It physically hurt to leave him there in the ground. I sat on the ground with my hand on his grave, and I probably could have stayed there indefinitely if my husband hadn't finally gently pulled me up and led me to the car. As my mom pointed out, Kevin was a very real, physical part of me. Just a week before he was buried, he had been inside me. So it makes sense that the pain would register in my body as well as my heart. I know you all have felt it, too. Thanks for being here.

Much love,
Katherine


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## Ms. Mom (Nov 18, 2001)

Katherine, I feel your strong emotions and it brings me back to that time so long ago.

Like you, it was helpful to know I wasn't alone in my greif. That's why this Forum is so important. I wish nobody ever had to go through this horrible pain, but I'm thankful that there are people here who can reach out to each other.

Kevin was a deep part of you and always will be. I could feel the pain you were in sitting on his grave a part of you in the cold earth. You touched me so deeply with your love for Kevin. I know he feels this love.

Writing Amanda's birth story was amazingly healing for me. Another thing that may be helpful is to keep a journal.

From you're posts it sounds like you're still in shock. Please know were here for you. You can pm or email me any time at [email protected]

Much Gentleness,

Jacque


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## KatherineinCA (Apr 4, 2002)

(Jacque, you were right about being in shock.)

I think it's starting to wear off, and I can't believe how awful it is to feel this pain. I had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy about five years ago. The pain then was intense, and I was very traumatized by those losses. But this! I'm still so confused about where my baby is. I have moments when I am actually looking around for my baby. I was just pregnant. I made it through the whole pregnancy, all the way to 38 weeks, (which is the same point when my twins were born--alive and healthy). I went through labor. I had a c-section. My milk came in. But where is my baby?

Today I was at the park with my kids, and another mom, pointing to my almost-three-year-old, asked "How old's your youngest?" Everything in me was screaming, "But he's not my youngest!" (You'll all be proud of me that I didn't actually scream that at her) My arms are aching to hold my little Kevin. And now it's starting to sink in that I will never hold him. He is never coming. How can I absorb this reality? I dreamed that my mom was holding him, and she turned to me and said, "Oh, look, honey, he's not really dead." She handed him to me and he opened his eyes and looked at me. I grabbed him and started nursing him to keep him alive. And then I woke up.

A woman at church had a baby boy exactly a week after Kevin was born. Some friends gave her a baby shower last night, and I am so jealous! There's even a part of me that feels betrayed by the friends who went to her shower (like out of loyalty to me they should have ignored her baby's birth--whoever said grief is logical, right?). I know that isn't reasonable, but it's there, nonetheless! I haven't seen her yet, but I am so anxious about when I do. I worry that I will fall to pieces in front of everyone if I see her baby.

And, of course, people are thinking that it's been a while, that I'm getting "over it." Well, I don't know if people are actually thinking that, but the phone doesn't ring much anymore, and the cards and flowers stopped arriving weeks ago. I appreciate so much all the initial support, but now is when I'm going crazy with grief and it's harder to talk about because fewer people ask how I'm doing. We're going to my in-laws for Christmas, which will mostly be nice (they cook a lot and play with our kids, and take really good care of us, and they love us and will be so happy to have us there). I'm just a little apprehensive because they are less comfortable expressing emotion, and I'm still really emotional!

My 8 year-old twins are having a really hard time, as well. Lots of acting out in anger and frustration, and because we homeschool, we are together all day, each of us dealing with our grief. I am trying so hard to support them and help them talk as much as they need to. It's just exhausting to deal with their anger, especially because it's directed at me and at each other. I spend my whole day helping them find appropriate outlets for their emotions. And I don't have the emotional strength to deal with that--I'm just trying to make it through the days as well as I can. My daughter said the other day, "Mom, my heart broke in pieces when Kevin died."

One wonderful thing about today was that a dear friend came to visit and brought pizza for dinner. She looked at my pictures of Kevin and I got to tell her the whole story of his pregnancy and birth, and my kids had a wonderful time with her kids. They also made cards for each of my kids. That is the best gift anyone can give me right now, the chance to talk about Kevin.

I do have a question for the moms who've had stillborn babies. How long did it take for the pain to lessen? Is there a typical timeline for the grief? Thanks again for everyone's support and willingness to share your experiences.

Love,
Katherine


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## XM (Apr 16, 2002)

Oh, honey, I can hardly type I have tears in my eyes...

I felt the same way when Xiola died. I had the strongest urges to get up and look for her. I kept flashing back to being so pregnant with her and how she was so present already and now she was gone forever. Like I said before, the day my milk came in was a nightmare. I will never be able to understand how a healthy woman with no issues could choose not to nurse her baby... my arms physically ached for her, the urge to nurse my baby was as strong as the urge to push had been. For months I would have dreams where I was able to get her started and she was fine (the nurses tried for 10 minutes to resusitate her). And then I would wake up.

How long does the grief take to lessen? I wish I had an answer for you. I felt like such a failure that I did'nt even drive the car for 3 weeks, and then I had to because Mike had to go back to work. Life seemed to get a little easier around 2 months... but as Xiola was our firstborn we were able to really work through our grief as we needed to, which was a luxury. Perhaps you can mention to someone at your church that you could still use some help? I would think that it would be easy for a new round of meals to be arrainged for you... people who have never had this kind of loss just don't appreciate how devastating it is, if the people around you knew you still needed it, I am sure there would be more support for you.

If it's any condolence to you... the memory of the excruciating pain of the first month is starting to fade for me. Don't get me wrong, it can come back in a second, but it does'nt dominate my existence as it did that first agonizing month. Jacque has said the same thing, that almost 9 years after Amanda's death, the memory of the pain just becomes something distant, as if your body is protecting you. You don't forget your baby, but the pain gradually is less intense... but it can still come crepping back. But you don't fear it anymore.

What your friend did was wonderful. I wish you were closer and I would be happy to do the same. But know that you are always welcome to talk about Kevin here.

XM


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## Clarity (Nov 19, 2001)

I lost DS almost 3 years ago now...and occasionally, it still pangs. but every day it got less and less. I cried every day for a few months...it just got less as time went on. I would say, it really was like 4-6 months before my life was more normal...but don't fixate on a time frame - as long as you can look back, and on the whole things are better than a few weeks before, that's progress. I wouldn't think it was a problem unless you felt things were getting worse, or over a month or two, they were not better at all. By better, i mean less bad, not gone. It'll never be totally gone...but you'll be able to think about Kevin with sadness, and a few tears, but not sobbing and devastation like you probably did at first...and sometimes you'll find you're not thinkng of him all time, and eventually not every day. I cried when that first happened! How's that for guilt? And the anniversary of his death rolled around...I FORGOT! I felt even worse when I realized a few days later...but I've never been very date focused so it wasn't that surprising. Mother's day, when friends have sons, people I know with unwanted pregnancies, all kind of trigger thoughts of him. I slept with the first outfit I bought for him wrapped in a baby blanket for a long time...probably that 4-6 month window I mentioned. I still have the blanket, now used in our family bed, but I put away the outfit.

Things I did do - go to an in-person support group for a few months. That helped a lot at first. People to talk to who have been through it..and everyone cried. Easier than my friends and family. I went to a counselor for a few times, but I never clicked with her so it didnlt help me at much. And some of the support groups in my area have memorial services occasionally. I went to one, and it was nice. I never had any sort of funeral service for DS. I read a lot of loss books...it kind of gave me a support group in my head!

I don't have any suggestions for your twins...except maybe giving them someone to talk to every once in a while that's not you? They might be able to express a little more anger without worrying about hurting you. In a homeschool situation, I can see there being advantages...not being dragged into school conferences over their behavior for one! But you only have each other...which is great, but a struggle sometimes when you're all so sad. Maybe ask your friend to come visit again soon?


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## srain (Nov 26, 2001)

Oh, I so understand what you're saying about looking for the baby. It's only been the last couple weeks [Teiva died September 7th] that I've been forgetting less often that it's over. Like, for a long time I would see a baby thing in a store window and think, "gee, maybe the baby will like that" or I'd hear about some newborn issue and think, "hmmm, we'll need to consider that"-- it was awful.

[When I first found out he died, too, I kept thinking maybe they were wrong- the night between when they couldn't hear the heartbeat and the induction, I thought I felt him kick; just after delivery, I looked down and saw movement (the cord pulsing) and my heart leapt- I really thought they'd just made a huge mistake.]

It's only been three months for me, but I can say it is better- I still cry every day, but it is better.


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## Brandonsmama (Dec 25, 2001)

Katherine, I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that this is a really good place to talk and share. People here understand. I wish you and your family peace. Sandi


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