# no heartbeat at 16 weeks



## sweet tea (Jan 1, 2004)

I just don't know how I will get through today. I went for a routine 16 week checkup yesterday and the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat. She took me to ultrasound and the Dr said no cardiac activity, the baby's size is 15 weeks 3 days. The Dr thinks a fibroid possibly grew behind the placenta. I had the 13 week screening test and everything was good and healthy. It's been a very healthy pregnancy up til yesterday. I've never had a fibroid before or lost a baby. So I'm supposed to go in to the office at 8:30am so they can insert Lamineria and Cytotec to start labor, then again at 4pm for a second dose. Then go to the hospital in the evening to deliver the baby. I just can't bear the thought of laboring all day. I just need some strength to get through this.


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## RoseRedHoofbeats (Feb 27, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss. It hurts so much when you think everything is fine and then the rug just gets pulled out from under you.

There's no reason not to take pain meds if you want to. I pretty much constantly slammed 10mgs of Vicodin every four hours through the hardest parts of my miscarriage. I used Cytotec as well and the contractions were tough.

I don't know if it will help you or if you feel up to it, but there's a thread here called "exactly what to expect with miscarriage" that really helped me a lot- to read so many stories and have an idea of what would happen, what I would see, how long it would take... Just try to hang in there. We're here for you.

~Rose


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

oh mama I am so sorry for your loss!!!

I found out at 16 wks 4 days that my baby was dead. We went in to monitor blood flow as I had been exposed to fifths disease but I was expecting a live baby and he wasn't. It was awful!

I don't know what Lamineria is but I was given misoprostol (it is the same as cytotec) vaginally by my midwife around 9:30 am. I don't know the dose that she gave me. It was about 4 hrs before anything happened and then I had light cramping for about an hour and it steadily increased. I was not bleeding at all until I actually had him. I went to the bathroom around three and he just plopped into my hand at a little after three. It was a lot easier than several of my miscarriages. My midwife was there and administered an herbal tincture to get the placenta out. It can be easily retained during second tri losses. (that is one of the reasons they don't want you alone).

I will be thinking of you during this process. Know that you are not alone.

I have a few suggestions of things I did and things I wish I had done.

Things I did:

take lots of photos

see him

had an official burial service at a cemetary

made up a birth certificate online and had my mw sign it

Things I wish that I had done:

take belly pics before I had him.

take photos of his hands and feet (call nilmdts and see if they will photograph your little one. after the fact the photographer said if they have the time they will photograph the smaller ones even though it sais they don't on thwir website)

get foot prints and hand prints

spend more time touching his skin (i was afraid of breaking him so didn't really touch him at all)

take pics of him with my kids (they got to see him but I don't have pics of them with him)

had a funeral for others to come (we made it private but then it wasn't as real to others). I wish we had a funeral for others and then the private burial for us.

those are just suggestions but things that worked for me or that I regret not doing.

Hang in there mama and again sorry for your loss.


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## jtrt (Feb 25, 2009)

I am so sorry. So very sorry. Nicole's suggestions are comprehensive and thoughtful. I wish there was something, anything that I could say to ease your pain. Sending you love and my sincerest wishes for your peace and comfort as you say hello and goodbye to your precious baby.

Warmly,

Amy


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## marinak1977 (Feb 24, 2009)

mama. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

I am thinking of you and hoping that the labor and birth went well (at least as good as can be expected). I hope you are hanging in there.


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## RoseRedHoofbeats (Feb 27, 2008)

Been thinking of you. *hugs*

~Rose


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## NullSet (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry. I hate that anyone has to go through this.


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## bluewatergirl (Jul 26, 2007)

I'm so very sorry, sweet tea.

My thoughts are with you.


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## sweet tea (Jan 1, 2004)

Thank you so much. They gave me the cytotec and lamenaria yesterday morning. I had contractions a few hours later. I cried through every contraction, I remembered how with my other two babies I would try to relax and let the contraction dialate me by visualizing my sweet baby nursing or cuddling soon. All I could do was cry. I took a couple Vicodan and seriously considered being knocked out once I got to the hospital, it just felt so cruel that I had to go through labor. I started bleeding quite a bit and went to the hospital at about 3:30 in the afternoon. I had lost quite a bit of blood and they were concerned, but I wasn't in trouble. Had 2 bags of lactated ringers and IV fentinal . My DH was great and so supportive. He never left my side and cried with me all day.

The baby came out with the bag of water intact and the placenta all in one push at 5:41 pm. The first thing the midwife noticed were lesions or growths on the placenta, so she took it to pathology. She broke the bag of waters and it was a dark color. The baby's umbilical cord was fat and normal until right before his belly button it was very skinny, like it was twisted or pinched off. The baby was a perfect 16 week fetus. It was a boy and we named him Gabriel. He was 2.6 ounces and 6 inches long. They let us hold him for a while. I told him how much he was loved and missed, rocked him and sang to him. The hospital nurses were very nice, took footprints and handprints and made a memory book, even took photos and printed them for us. We have a little heart shaped box with his hospital id bracelet and tiny knitted blue hat.

They gave me a bag of IV pitocen to contract my uterus. We decided to have baby Gabriel creamated. I feel my milk coming in this morning. I might pump to help my uterus contact back to normal. I was thinking about becoming a milk donor for a milk bank or preemies or something. I don't know.

I've never lost a child before, even though I have friends who have I couldn't completely understand until now. I had no idea how I would make it through yesterday.

Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers and support.


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## theboysmama (Sep 21, 2005)

Gabriel

Glad you made it through that part. It is a rough ride ahead. You are not alone. Take care mama.


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## RoseRedHoofbeats (Feb 27, 2008)

Oh, mama. My heart is just breaking for you.

Lots of mothers pump their milk for premies. It can lessen the hormonal rollercoaster after a baby dies- you still get the benefits of the prolactin and oxytocin and it cushions the blow (chemically, at least). I think that would be a wonderful thing to do, if you found some peace in it. Ask to talk to an LC and see if you can get a hospital grade pump.

I'm glad that you were able to get through the day and that you got some precious memories of your little one. *hugs*

~Rose


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## sagewinna (Nov 19, 2001)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you had time with baby Gabriel, and I hope you find this group of mamas as wonderful as I have.


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## alyssatuininga (May 14, 2003)

Oh mama I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy Malcolm at 15 weeks and 2 days a month ago today. It has been harder than I could ever imagine. Much love to you and your family.


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## Wendlynnn (Oct 14, 2009)

I'm so so sorry for your loss of Gabriel. I love the name. Sending you healing thoughts.


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## Paeta16 (Jul 24, 2007)

I am so very sorry for your loss! (((HUGS))) This will be a very difficult time for you, unfortunately I know all too well from experience. It does get easier with time, but please take care of yourself and allow others to comfort you in your time of need.


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## sweet tea (Jan 1, 2004)

Thanks, it is slowly getting better. Those first few days after I didn't leave the house or eat. Took Vicodin and cried in my bathrobe most all day. I thought it would never get better. A good friend came over that Friday with enough Olive Garden for 3 days. Dh filled the house with my favorite flowers- lillies, roses and baby's breath. Another friend made a big batch of cookies, and yesterday my neighbor brought over an Amish friendship bread starter kit. Today I have a latte house call offer. Originally I wanted to push everyone away, but it really helps to have support.

I didn't think I'd want to focus on TTC again, but as much as I wanted this baby, the desire to become pregnant again with a healthy baby has increased by a thousand. For my pregnancy I took Femara (two cycles). While a lot of published studies show great results, a lot of message boards and chat rooms with real life experiences say things like "I've never had a miscarriage before, got pregnant twice with Femara and both ended in loss". Also I found it odd that the manufacturer does not market it for infertility because the loss rates are so high, it would open them to lawsuit. They sell it strictly as a breast cancer drug and are not trying to change that. I go for my follow up next week and I will see what they say about TTC again and not using Femara. I have PCOS and need provera to get a period + a fertility med + ultrasound of my ovaries + HCG shot to ovulate.

I think what helped the most was telling people, accepting help and taking the time to cry, mourn and grieve for a while. My son Gabriel will always be in my heart, he was so wanted and so loved from the moment we found out we were expecting. I will meet him and hold him again someday and keep him in my heart forever.


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## RoseRedHoofbeats (Feb 27, 2008)

I'm glad it's getting better- it comes and goes for me too. I'll spend one day crying in bed and the next frantically cleaning the house. *hugs* It's all a process, not an event. I'm finally at the point now where I can think of my baby Spring as a real person and not feel sad. That helps a lot.

What about going on Clomid to help you ovulate? I feel you on wanting to try again right away. And it's so disorienting, not knowing where in my cycle I am or what's going on. It's been almost two weeks and I'm still spotting.

I wish you healing as we make this journey. *hugs*

~Rose


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## RoseRedHoofbeats (Feb 27, 2008)

I'm glad it's getting better- it comes and goes for me too. I'll spend one day crying in bed and the next frantically cleaning the house. *hugs* It's all a process, not an event. I'm finally at the point now where I can think of my baby Spring as a real person and not feel sad. That helps a lot.

What about going on Clomid to help you ovulate? I feel you on wanting to try again right away. And it's so disorienting, not knowing where in my cycle I am or what's going on. It's been almost two weeks and I'm still spotting.

I wish you healing as we make this journey. *hugs*

~Rose


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## eakelly5 (Jun 15, 2010)

I'm so sorry. I know those words aren't enough, and I wish you didn't have to go through this. I understand your pain, I have lost two babies in the past 6 months, one at 15 weeks and one at 13 weeks. There are no words to take the pain away, but it will get better with time. You are in my thoughts. Please be easy on yourself.


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