# Episiotomy scar



## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

I finally saw it. When I went to get an IUD about a month ago the lady who was going to do it asked if I had had one and said something about not being able to tell. Naturally I've been curious and well....just checked things out. I'm not sure what to think. It's very white and short which I am hoping is a good thing. It feels nice and thick which again I am hoping is a good thing (thicker less likely to split me open like a canyon on my next birth







). It's kind of odd to know it's there and to know why it is. It brings back alot of memories about my birth that I think I forgot on purpose.







It is a reliefe to know what it looks like though. I think on some level I was scared of it. DD is 7 months and I am just now looking at it.

Anyways, just thought I'd share. Not a huge empowering moment but definitely a weight lifting one. Anyone else check theirs out?


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

It took a long time before I'd even look down there or feel the scar because it was soooo tender. I can still tell where mine was even after giving birth again (no tears the 2nd time and there was no way I was getting a 2nd episiotomy).

I just wish I hadn't been cut the first time.


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## wonderfullymade (Oct 19, 2005)

With my first birth, I had an episiotomy that was cut (by doc) two times until I finally tore to a 4th degree







. It was necessary to get my babe out though, as her heartrate was non-existant, her u/c was around her neck three times, and it was rather short (7-9 inches shorter than it should have been). Thus, it was acting as a noose and would not let her out beyond her cheekbones.

My future OB (for my other births) said that I had too thick of scar tissue and too extensive for me to be able to birth without tearing. I never tore though, with any of my other 3 births.


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## MomBirthmomStepmom (May 14, 2005)

My DD's nearly 5 years old and I've never looked at mine







Never had any desire to!

My birthdaughter is nearly 2, and I tore while delivering her. I wonder what my scars would look like..

Now, I'm thinking about it. might get out a handmirror when the kids go to bed tonight...lol


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

Do it! It was seriously a reliefe for me. Not sure why, I do regret it but I understand why I chose it etc. Knowing what it looks like though seems to cement it in my mind for what it was and not just bizarre thing that happened while I floated in and out of consciousness.







:

No hard feelings for me!







:


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## Ilovelife (Jun 6, 2004)

I've looked at mine several times since dd's birth 2 1/2 years ago. Not sure how soon after the birth was the first time. I hate it because I never wanted it and because it has caused me a lot of grief. The whole scar area of mine is probably 1/2 inch wide and at least 1 inch long, white-ish border and yucky looking scar tissue (mottled color type) inside the area. And it feels different than the surrounding tissue, as expected. My MW has said it should not cause problems during my upcoming delivery, though, so I'm hoping she's right about that!


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Mine doesn't line up right... not sure if it's an extra stitch or what but my scar sort of meets at a point like she (the OB) was snugging it up or something.







I knew I didn't want an episiotomy and the OB knew it too, but while I was trying my best to push while semi-lying down she told me I'd tear if she didn't cut so I said "fine".

Talk about really regretting one word.


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## mamato3cherubs (Nov 30, 2004)

Ok, i have to get in on this one







I had a very bad episiotomy with my first born 6lb oz almost 10 years ago, so many stitches the dr didnt even bother to count and it took 20 minutes at least to sew me up, i quit counting as he did it at 20. I never really thought aboutthe scaring.

with my second 7lb 15oz, i also had one, not so bad this time just a little but i felt i needed it that time, i really wanted the tearing controled and i knew i would rip bad if he didnt do it. Not so many stitches this time, enough that they all fit on one thread







only took a couple minutes to repair. that was over 4 years ago.

with my third 9lb 5oz, i did not get one at all, i did tear a little in 2 spots near the front, not at my perineum, no stitches. I had a very long delivery with her though, about 45 min. from after she crowned to delivery. her heas was half out for about 10 contrations, i couldnt stretch well, but i did it! And honestly i think the only reason dr didnt push for one was because he was so pissed at me for refusing pit and being so adimit about a natural delivery that I made him come in at 1am!

anyways, I can barely even see where the old scars are now, and if i didnt know they were there i couldnt see them at all. Im ok with it too







:


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Gee whiz...I'm glad we're all feeling okey-dokey about our episiotomy scars here mamas, but holy moly--there's a whole HECKUVA lot of smilies splattered all over this thread.

After I felt the sharp barb of a suture while on the toilet 12 hours post-partum, I couldn't dare look or touch my episiotomy wound. After a few weeks I looked at it, glancingly.

I got really into staring at it, though, as time passed. And I cut my hand with a glass 2 days before my OB cut my crotch with a pair of Mayo scissors to perform that episiotomy, so as I watched the scar on my hand change, I also would check in on my episiotomy scar.

I was suprised that the scar was white. I was suprised to see it on the inside of my body, too--but when all that skin is stretched, stretched, stretched as baby crowns, whatever you snip on the outside, is also the inside.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderfullymade*
With my first birth, I had an episiotomy that was cut (by doc) two times until I finally tore to a 4th degree
....
My future OB (for my other births) said that I had too thick of scar tissue and too extensive for me to be able to birth without tearing. I never tore though, with any of my other 3 births.

GOOD for you, and I'm not suprised.

.

Author Shelia Kitzinger says an episiotomy is the only surgery not performed with a scalpel...a pair of scissors are used.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyshoes*
Gee whiz...I'm glad we're all feeling okey-dokey about our episiotomy scars here mamas, but holy moly--there's a whole HECKUVA lot of smilies splattered all over this thread.

I know! If I express my true feelings about my epsiotomy, we'd run out of space for all the







:


























































and a bunch of












































Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyshoes*
Author Shelia Kitzinger says an episiotomy is the only surgery not performed with a scalpel...a pair of scissors are used.

Everytime I think about it I shudder! And I didn't realize how bad it must have been seeing the surgery performed... my mom told me over a year later about seeing the OB cut with the scissors and as she _shuddered_ and winced, she said "She just cut so *deep*!". It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. And my OB could have done a better repair job- not sure if it's an intentional husband stitch or just bad repair but it definitely doesn't line up right.


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## Marlet (Sep 9, 2004)

I smile to keep from crying about it honestly. If you've read my birth story you'll know that I received too much pain killer and was unconcious during the birth of my DD. My husband had to wake me up to push more than once. I have a lot of issues with my birth. Smiling and laughing about it is the only way to save my sanity.

That said, my husband was pretty freaked about it. The doctor said he was going to do it and DH stopped him and said, "She wants to tear." The doctor argued with him and DH eventually woke me up to ask (once to ask and once to clarify to make sure). So he watched the whole thing. He won't tell me much about it but what he does tell me has to do with the sound of the cut. I don't know. I wasn't there really. He's made the decision for me (like I need help!







) that next time I'll rip. It was pretty scary for him.


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *busybusymomma*
....And I didn't realize how bad it must have been seeing the surgery performed... my mom told me over a year later about seeing the OB cut with the scissors and as she _shuddered_ and winced, she said "She just cut so *deep*!". It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. And my OB could have done a better repair job- not sure if it's an intentional husband stitch or just bad repair but it definitely doesn't line up right.









totally....

DH has total PTSD about seeing the procedure......let's not forget the lidocaine detail!! I myself watched in horror as the OB stabbed my crotch with a long needled syringe. My DH describes how bizzare it was, to watch the tissues swell and fill with fluid from the injected anesthetic, before the scissors cut.

And BTW, another reason episiotomies are naughty-naughty bad is that swollen, lidocaine-fluid pumped tissues won't stretch--you _DO_ need to snip that, if you want it to move.








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## Ilovelife (Jun 6, 2004)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyshoes*
Gee whiz...I'm glad we're all feeling okey-dokey about our episiotomy scars here mamas, but holy moly--there's a whole HECKUVA lot of smilies splattered all over this thread.

Well, I already started a whole other thread about how pissed off I am about it, so didn't want to repeat it all here, too.














uke I guess would have to be my pick for "smilies" since I don't see one of a woman being violent toward her (ex)doc!

I agree with the PTSD, too. My dh was not amused by the procedure, either. And the sound of the cut. I still remember that. Makes me very upset. I actually made an appointment with a hypnobirthing teacher to discuss all of this and hopefully come to some peace before my next delivery.

Just wanted to make sure no one thought we were all happy about our scars.


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## applejuice (Oct 8, 2002)

I am sorry that has happened to you.

I hope you can make peace with it.

Doctors have known for a long time that it really does not help; Dr. Robert Mendelsohn called episiotomies, "ritual genital mutilation", the same as circumcision.


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## wonderfullymade (Oct 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *busybusymomma*
IEverytime I think about it I shudder! And I didn't realize how bad it must have been seeing the surgery performed... my mom told me over a year later about seeing the OB cut with the scissors and as she _shuddered_ and winced, she said "She just cut so *deep*!". It gives me the heebie jeebies just thinking about it. And my OB could have done a better repair job- not sure if it's an intentional husband stitch or just bad repair but it definitely doesn't line up right.









We took video of my first L&D and I have watched it repeatedly. I believe that was part of my (emotional) healing... making it more real to me than just physically, and taking inventory of my priorities. DH watched it as well, and he gave me the strength to go w/o an episiotomy with my second. I was afraid to tearing when I began pushing, and was holding back. He noticed, leaned close, and said "you are strong, you are resilient, you are going to open up SO big and have our beautiful baby. God didn't make a mistake when he made you, He created your body to do this" (etc etc). Hearing him reaffirm me after he had the front seat to my botched barbershop job (lol) made me relax, open, and birth without any tearing.

I think that MUCH of our bodies capabilities is dependent upon dealing with, truly working through, our hostile, sad, repressed, etc... feelings about any previous births.


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderfullymade*
I think that MUCH of our bodies capabilities is dependent upon dealing with, truly working through, our hostile, sad, repressed, etc... feelings about any previous births.

I agree. Pregnancy just seems to bring up those feelings again, but I'm fine as long as I deal with those feelings before the babe is born.









I was so proud to birth a baby 1lb 5oz bigger than my first baby and not tear.


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *Ilovelife*
Well, I already started a whole other thread about how pissed off I am about it, so didn't want to repeat it all here, too.














uke I guess would have to be my pick for "smilies" since I don't see one of a woman being violent toward her (ex)doc!

...

Just wanted to make sure no one thought we were all happy about our scars.











I know nobody is happy about their scars--and it's plain to see that no one's saying "I







my episiotomy scar." All I was remarking was that this is a thread about episiotomy scars with smilies splattered all over. Of course I understand the context in which the various emoticons were used--I read this thread. & I have a scar too--I understand the trauma.

I just thought it was ironic--sometimes it's hard to understand each other on a bullitan board....no snark intended by me!


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## Peppamint (Oct 19, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *tinyshoes*
no snark intended by me!


I know, I got the joke but your post was the perfect springboard for me to type a post with a tons of different frownie faces and get it out of my system.

Ah, posting online is SUCH good therapy!







:


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## bethwl (May 10, 2003)

Of course I didn't want an episiotomy, and I'm not completely sure if it was necessary (maybe it was--25.5 hour labor with 2.5 hours pushing, heart rate declining slightly and just not coming out, so vacuum was used and ob called in to do vacuum said, after trying two times to put in vacuum without cutting, "I'm sorry, I think I really need to do an episiotomy.")

Anyway, I am pretty suprised to say that I really can't see any scar. My midwife stitched me and she was very slow and deliberate, so


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## JoyofBirth (Mar 16, 2004)

I had a nasty tear from dd. Her hand was kinda up and her elbow caught me coming through. It tore me up inside my vagina. And then I had a 2nd degree perineal tear. That was my own fault-I only pushed for 15 minutes. I put in my birth plan and told my mw that I would rather tear than be cut. She stitched me up for what seemed like forever. I was so sore. Then it got infected and I had to take antibiotics. It hurt for 8 months. Sex has not been enjoyable till we get past the first few moments and use lots of lubricant. I haven't looked at it yet-15 months later, but i have touched it. My hb mw, not who delivered us-I had to go to the hospital-said I could use some vit E to soften it up a little and that may make it hurt less. Now it only hurts if I'm squatting for a few minutes. I will also definitely being doing perineal massage the 4 weeks before this baby comes. You can work out the scar tissue from a tear or cut. We had the stitching taped (I am an aspiring mw and thought it would be educational.) But dh said it looked like raw hamburger meat. I decided I didn't want to see my body like that. But maybe soon, while I can still see over my belly, I will look at my scar. Thanks for starting this thread, I haven't given much thought to my feelings on this.


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JoyofBirth*
...And then I had a 2nd degree perineal tear.

owie.
here I go!!!








1st degree tear involves skin only
2nd degree tear involves skin _and_ muscle
3rd degree is a tear _to_ the anal sphincter
4th degree is _thru_ the anal sphincter

_Every_ episiotomy is _always_ a 2nd degree tear.

Quote:


Originally Posted by *JoyofBirth*
But dh said it looked like raw hamburger meat.

I saw my crotch 4 hours post-partum after my second birth, and yeah, it's not too pretty--tissues like our crotch area or our faces are very sensitive, vascularized, and susceptible to trauma. Getting punched in the eye or cheek is a much worse looking (and feeling) injury than the same punch to the arm. And squeezing out a baby head is always going to be a little rough on the ol' bottom!

But just like that quick-healing pizza sauce burn on the roof of your mouth, perineal swelling and trauma also subsides quickly.


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## orangebird (Jun 30, 2002)

I would feel mine with my fingers long before I looked at it. I just didn't have a mirror in the house that would make it easy to look at. They only way would be if I were to sit on the counter by the bathroom sink. Mine felt like a big skin tag. For a while I wasn't even sure if that is what it was but I couldn't imagine any other reason I would have that little area staicking out. When I made an egg donation years later and they were cleaning down there to get ready to retrieve the eggs I asked if someone could tell me what that was. They all agreed it looked like an episiotomy scar. I guess they must have stitched mine uneven too. I was probably swollen from hours of pushing and then the vacuum going in there. I finally have looked at it. But I have never noticed any white. I just notice the little bump. MKaybe I should look closer. I haven't looked for the scar inside either. I just see the obvoius part and stop looking, it hadn't occured to me there must be more to it. Stupid doctors.

The was the hardest recovery of all my births. I could hardly walk for weeks.


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## Still_Snarky (Dec 23, 2004)

Well after reading this thread I finally took a moment and looked at mine (with a toddler looking on- as with everything else that happens in the bathroom







). I was surprised to find that it was a very thin white scar, fairly even and straight. That said, this is still the part of my hospital birth that upsets me the most; it was completely unnecessary. It still causes me a great deal of pain during sex and that really p*sses me off.







:


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## wonderfullymade (Oct 19, 2005)

Do you know what would be a good idea? Everyone posting the issues surrounding their episiotomies, if you thought it was necessary or not, and what it makes you feel. Then, we could mail it or deliver it to the OBs in our area. I know that there is one OB who is VERY episiotomy-hesitant, and he would LOVE to have something like this to give to his peers.

Perhaps if they had 1st hand accounts of the trauma it puts a woman through... perhaps if we carved up their glans.... oh, sorry, that was just plain mean of me (<---- feigning sincerity) lol, just kidding.... kinda.


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## orangebird (Jun 30, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *wonderfullymade*

Perhaps if they had 1st hand accounts of the trauma it puts a woman through... perhaps if we carved up their glans.... oh, sorry, that was just plain mean of me (<---- feigning sincerity) lol, just kidding.... kinda.

Maybe they like doing episiotomies so much because they are subconciously getting back at us for carving up their glans' (or close enough) when they were babies.


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## wonderfullymade (Oct 19, 2005)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mara*
Maybe they like doing episiotomies so much because they are subconciously getting back at us for carving up their glans' (or close enough) when they were babies.

WOW. Never even thought of THAT! Good coorelation! I still would like, with your permissions, to do that for the OBs in my area with your stories...


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## tinyshoes (Mar 6, 2002)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *mara*
Maybe they like doing episiotomies so much because they are subconciously getting back at us for carving up their glans' (or close enough) when they were babies.

While laboring, I signed the papers for my soon-to-be-born-child-of-unknown-gender to get circ'd.

I had an episiotomy, and then I birthed a girl.

It was the episiotomy suffering that clearly taught me that cutting people's genitals is wrong. That is what convinced me to support leaving newborn baby boys intact.


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