# My son passed on Nov. 1st



## littleteapot (Sep 18, 2003)

At 10:46pm, November first, Jericho was born by emergency c-section. He was three pounds, seven ounces - born at 34 weeks.

He had black eyes, and over an inch of long black hair. He looked very much like his sister did when she was first born.

He had a heart defect, and only one working lung. He did not cry, and stayed with us only fifteen minutes.

He took his last breath in DH's arms around eleven o'clock.

http://www.natural-forces.com/jericho/dh1.jpg
http://www.natural-forces.com/jericho/momtcry1.jpg
http://www.natural-forces.com/jericho/handfav.jpg

I spent many days lurking on this forum while I was pregnant, I kept feeling like I shouldn't, like I should keep it a secret and just leave before it became a bad omen. Deep down I knew. It's always a shock, there's nothing you can do to prepare, but I felt it coming.

I've avoided posting here until I had finished my birth story. Birth _experience_. Lack of birth experience, I suppose - as it was a c-section and there was nothing about it that echoed of "birth".

I journal on Livejournal, so everything is there:
Part one
Part 2

Part 3/Epilogue


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## lovemygirl (Feb 22, 2002)

I am so, SO sorry for your loss.


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## Treasuremapper (Jul 4, 2004)

My God. I just finished reading your blog. I am so sorry you lost your dearest boy, and so sorry that you had such a horrible hospital experience.


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## athansor (Feb 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry.







: Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures and your story


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## momto l&a (Jul 31, 2002)

Your son is blessed to have you as a mommy. And to spend his last moments in his Daddy arms is very special.


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## BumbleBena (Mar 18, 2005)

He's so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts.


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## chiromama (Dec 29, 2003)

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace and healing.


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## Jasmyn's Mum (May 24, 2004)

Oh, Mama. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you much love & light


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## AllyRae (Dec 10, 2003)

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sitting here crying for you. For your loss... For the way you were treated before and after Jericho's birth... For everything. Know that you are being thought of. Your baby boy is so precious...just adorable. I am so sorry he isn't here with you.














:


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## Barcino (Aug 25, 2004)

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious, precious son. My son was born Sept 30th and died October 8th. I also felt like something wrong would happen... I dont know if it was just paranoia or there was actual truth to it if you know what I mean.

It is so hard to be in our position... I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I am so sorry. I think it is good that you wrote his birth story... I havent managed to find the strengh to do that yet but I really feel like I need to







Makes me too sad right now though ... my son died due to brain injury caused by a occult cord prolapse during the birth. I never thought that I would be a part of this group but I am so glad to be here where others understand now.

Jericho was a truly beautiful little boy and he knew how much you loved him.


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## coleslaw (Nov 11, 2002)

I am so very sorry for your loss and so sorry for how you were treated. Your little Jericho is just so adorable. And I am in awe at how you wrote - it was so poetic and beautiful. It actually helped me in some ways remember some setails of my birth of Grace. Thank you for all that you shared. Please know, as others have said, that you are not alone. We are all here to do what we can to help you.


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## Debstmomy (Jun 1, 2004)

I am so sorry. I am pissed that you were treated so horribly. I am too glad your partner held your son. I am glad your dearest daughter got to see & touch her brother. You are right, nurses are the heart of the hospital.
I am constantly thinking of you & your beautiful family. Physically you will heal, & eventually your heart will begin to heal. Peace to you Mama.


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## Breathless Wonder (Jan 25, 2004)

He's so beautiful. I am so very sorry.


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## Aeriane (Apr 4, 2005)

how poignant those pictures are. I am very sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful baby. Kitty


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## Ben's Mommy (Aug 11, 2005)

You gave birth to a sweet, adorable baby boy. I am so sorry he was with you only for a short time. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Boobiemama (Oct 2, 2002)

The pictures are precious. They are a good thing to have.You will appreciate them for years to come.
I am so sorry for your loss.


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## DreamingMama (Apr 18, 2003)

I am so sorry.


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## Irishmommy (Nov 19, 2001)

I'm so sorry.


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## Kathryn (Oct 19, 2004)

I keep reading your story and looking at your beautiful children and I just can't stop crying. I wish I could come hug you and tell you he's alright.


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## Twilight (Jun 9, 2005)

I just have to give you all the hugs I can muster. Your story is so touching and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.


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## liseux (Jul 3, 2004)

Thank you for sharing your beautiful Jericho with us. There are no words, I`m just so sorry.

I can remember feeling the same need to tell everyone about my son. Your son has such a wonderful mother, who loved him so much. I am so glad you had the time that you did, especially when he was peacefully inside.


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## Yummymummy74 (Jun 7, 2004)

I feel anger for you mama.. sadness but mostly I am angry its not fair.. I wish I could hug you and make your pain go away


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## coralsmom (Apr 1, 2005)

littleteapot,
thank you for posting your poignant birth story, and the photos. you gave your son a beautiful life, what matters most- love and safety. i lost my daughter coral rose some months ago, and i hold firmly to my belief that her life was perfect just as it was- i try to keep my lost feelings without her separate, to keep her life prescious. you are strong, and your strength will help you now... i just want to express my sadness to you and your family. love, coralsmom

i pasted this from another thread... i hope it helps you the way it helps me...









Late Fragment
by Raymond Carver

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth


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## Quirky (Jun 18, 2002)

I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing Jericho with us.


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## goodcents (Dec 19, 2002)

Your words are beautiful, like your children, and like you.


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## Myboysmom (Nov 19, 2001)

words can't express my feelings, and even less yours\

thank you for sharing. You have touched and changed more lives that you realize!


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## ruby slippers (Aug 21, 2005)

I'm sorry


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## lestouffer (Jul 2, 2002)

Glad you go tto spend time with your precious son. I am so sorry for your loss. When I muster up the emotional strength (as I have just passed the anniversary of both my son's passings, now is not my emotional strong point) to read what I have heard is a beautiful journal, I will.


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## Naughty Dingo (May 23, 2004)

I am so sorry Mama. I read your blog and thank you for sharing. Your photographs are beautiful. I wish you didn't have to be posting here Mama. And i am sorry for the trauma of the interventions acted upon you.

Much love and peace to you.

ND


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## Len (Nov 19, 2001)

Jericho









Littleteapot,
I know my words will not make things better, but I feel the need to write and tell you what an amazing mother you are. Your family is truly beautiful. I feel honoured to have read your story and, as coleslaw said, your wise words helped me in many ways to figure out parts of my own grief.

We are here to listen and walk with you through your grief.


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## taradt (Jun 10, 2003)

I know there is nothing I can say to make things better, but I wanted to thank you for sharing Jericho with us, He is a beautiful boy.

Your hospital experience was horrible, and I am sorry you had to go through that.

be gentle with yourself mama

tara


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## Aurora (May 1, 2002)

My heart hurts for you and your family. Saying I am sorry doesn't begin to convey how I feel. There are no words. Jericho is just beautiful.


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## BabyBumblebee (Mar 16, 2005)

I am so sorry for your loss, mama









thank you so much for sharing the life of your beautiful boy with us.

~may the blest light surround and comfort you all~


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## CandyApple (Nov 1, 2004)

I am so sorry for your loss. You are a very strong mama, and my thoughts are with you and your family.


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## Patti Ann (Dec 2, 2001)

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son.









We are all here for you.

Peace and love,

Patti


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## dziejen (May 23, 2004)

Littleteapot,
Jericho is beautiful. I read your story -- every word of it -- and my heart is aching for you. I am so sorry that your hospital experience was the way that it was. It is so special that you had many many weeks to cherish your beautiful son in your womb but, as I know too well, it could never be long enough.







s


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## Jster (Apr 22, 2003)

Mama, oh mama, your story, your experience has touched my deepest being. I think that I will always carry the picture of you, holding your son and reaching to your daughter, in my mind. You're so beautiful and strong. Bless you, mama. Bless you.

And thank you for having the courage to share.


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## jodskiinca (Mar 1, 2005)

I don't know how I came upon this post, but I didn't realize until I had finished reading your entire story that you are the Punk Knitter soaker designer. I have made a bunch of them and I'm just so, so sorry for your loss. I am sickened by how you were treated and I wish there was something that could bring your sweet, beautiful boy back. The pictures of him are beautiful.

I'm so sorry.









Jodi


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## KYCat (May 19, 2004)

Oh - I am sooo sooo sorry for your tremendous loss. Until my sweet Finn died this summer I didn't know that there could be such empty sadness inside people.















Please be gentle with yourself. It will come in waves of unpredictable emotion. Your path and your sharing have honored your son. You, Jericho and your entire family are in my thoughts and I am trying to send you peace.


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## HaveWool~Will Felt (Apr 26, 2004)

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs, peace and healing to you and your family.


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## AngelBee (Sep 8, 2004)

I am so sorry about your son.


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## Niamh (Jan 17, 2005)

You are an amazing woman.


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## Eggie (Aug 7, 2003)

I am soo sorry for the loss of your beautiful son









For Jericho:


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## Kiyomi (Apr 11, 2003)

Oh mama, I read every word of your journal and my heart hurts for all you've been through.









I am also a firm believer in unassisted pregnancy and birth. You absolutely did what was right, your body did what was right, and your gorgeous Jericho did what was right for him. I am so glad you got to be "just two" during your pregnancy and that he had Daddy's arms to ease him out of this world.

I wish there was something someone could do to "fix" your pain. There is light at the end of the dark tunnel, mama. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.

With love...


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## m0mto3 (Jun 2, 2005)

I can't express my emotions about your story. I sobbed and sobbed but you write so beautifully and honestly. I hate that the hospital treated you so unfeelingly and you had such a crappy OB/GYN experience.
I know you'll be in my thoughts and heart as you heal from Jericho's loss.
What a beautiful gift you gave him... peace to you mama


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## pjabslenz (Mar 25, 2004)

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I am so sorry for your & your family's loss. Jericho is beautiful & he is so lucky to have you as his mommy. I will be thinking of you & your family during this time. No one should ever need to walk this path.


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