# Feeling sad not co-sleeping anymore...



## Tigerius (Jul 21, 2005)

DH wasn't enjoying it at all so for the sake of our marriage I've moved DS into another room.
He's only 12mo! It feels wrong to leave him alone.







: I join him when he wakes and I fall asleep bf-ing him.
I just feel like I will 'damage' him if I leave him on his own all night.

Plus, I fall asleep bf-ing him and am too tired to go back to our room anyway!


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## stellimamo (Jan 9, 2006)

I miss it alot. We were 3 sleeping in a full sizedbed and well me and dp aren't small. DD is a horrible wiggle worm and kept kicking, poking, smacking, sneezing, farting, smothering, and just basically wouldn't stop moving in bed! SHe was waking up all the time as were we and we all were grouchy and grumpy. I moved her to her own crib and now we are all well rested people. I actually think she likes all her own room. SHe never wakes up and is happy as a clam in the morning.


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## ABMama (Aug 2, 2006)

I am an avid cosleeper. My DS is 14mos and DH really didn't like it for a while, but I told him that he just had to live with it and that DS needs came first. Always. He was grumpy with me and slept on the floor by himself for a week, but then came back to bed.
You say it is for the sake of your marriage, what about making DH get up with you to soothe your baby back to sleep. If he gets as inconvienced as you do maybe he will see that co-sleeping is much easier.
And really, how is sleeping in another room with your son helping your marriage??
Baby's are only young for a little while, you don't want to regret any of the choices you make when they are all grown up. (plus it may lead you to be







: at your DH)


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

Why do your husband's wants trump your baby's needs?

-Angela


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## 2mama (Feb 3, 2006)

DH may have some very valid reasons for not liking cosleeping and then again he may need some education. So to help you the most I must ask what is it that DH doesn't like? Poss. answers might include lack of intamacy(have sex in new and exciting locations, the shower, spare bedroom, livingroom), , lack of space(get a bigger bed, a cosleeper, or bring the crib in the room so baby can be near), fear or harming the baby (put the baby on the other side of you so DH can not roll on him), unrestful sleep (move baby so he is not next to dh, in side car ect.), fear of "lossing you to the baby(have special time set aside for dh after dc goes to sleep to reconnect, put baby on the other side of you so you and dh can cuddle, ect) or a scary one such as thoughts of the child in a sexual nature and he fears he will act on these thoughts. (hopefully not the last one, but if it is the case he should see a psyciatrist) Most of these things can be resolved by being resourceful. Open communication is key. It is also important for all of you to be happy. An unhappy mama has a hard time raising a happy kid, so talk to him, a divorce would be much worse than not cosleeping.

Good luck!


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## LoveChild421 (Sep 10, 2004)

is there any way you two can use another room for "couple time" and then both move into your bedroom with your ds when you are done spending time with each other- that has worked really well for us. Maybe you can find another solution to your dh's concerns without having to stop co-sleeping.


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## Tigerius (Jul 21, 2005)

I think it's simply that DH says he wakes everytime DS wakes (5-8 times). DS is a real wriggler. I wanted to get a kingsize bed but DH didn't want to.

Reading your replies though have made me think I should move DS back to our room!

DH has been very overworked and I am emerging from depression and our marriage has suffered as a result. I suppose I was trying to do something to help.
If DS didn't wake so much it wouldn't be an issue I'm sure.
I tried to get DH to put DS back to sleep previously. He tried once and delcared 'it isn't working', handed him back to me and then was grumpy the next day.

P.S. Dh isn't as bad as he sounds!


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## alegna (Jan 14, 2003)

So, moving him to the other room makes the baby be alone, he keeps waking up, you have to GET up to go nurse him, you then fall asleep in there, where are the positives again? Oh yeah, your husband get's to sleep. How about your husband move in the other room?

-Angela


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## shoefairy3 (Jun 15, 2006)

My DH starts out in our bed then later moves to the couch so me and DS can co-sleep

Perhaps you coudl get your dh to move to the couch or other place to sleep?


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

Quote:


Originally Posted by *alegna*
So, moving him to the other room makes the baby be alone, he keeps waking up, you have to GET up to go nurse him, you then fall asleep in there, where are the positives again? Oh yeah, your husband get's to sleep. How about your husband move in the other room?

-Angela









:
Sorry, but my dh and I went rounds about this one when ds1 was less than a month old. His family & friends are all fans of cribs, and he had no concept that anything else existed. I insisted, and we bought a king-size bed, which helped a lot. Now, after 2 cosleeping sons, he is every bit as avid a cosleeper as I am. He learned firsthand how much better his boys were for it, and his last lingering worry-that ds would never sleep in his own bed- was resolved when ds1 moved himself out of our bed at 3.5. Since then, he has no reservations whatsoever about it.
I really couldn't advise you about your marriage, because I'm not there.







But I will tell you two things. First, there is no way that I would put a 12 month old in his own room to make dh happy. Second, what I would do is talk to him, try to get to the root of the problem, and find another way to solve it that does not compromise my baby. If baby is even compromised. How does your baby feel about it?


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## aurora.maia (Jun 1, 2006)

I do agree with ABmama: _how is sleeping in another room with your son helping your marriage??_







:

Have you tried putting him in his crib?
When my son was 1-6 months old, I put him in his crib in the first 4 hours of his night sleeps, then I moved him to our bed til the next morning. Is it possible for you to do that?

Or, you can move your baby to another room, but not everyday. You could put him there three days a week or so, so that you and your husband still have times alone.

I think that's fair for those guys









Hope that helps, dear...

Good luck to you,
- aurora -
who still co-sleeps with her 15,5 month-old little man


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## Tigerius (Jul 21, 2005)

Spoke to DH about it and we have put a single bed by our double to make a really big bed.
DS will start the night in the other room and then I'll bring him to us when he calls for us.

Yippeeee!

I hope this solution works.


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## Evie P. (Apr 5, 2006)

I just wanted to put in a positive note -- everyone got so mad at your DH! I agree that putting a little bed in your room for the Small Fellow is a great idea -- but I just wanted to say that I thought it was wonderful that you were trying to meet your husband's concerns, esp after you have been through such a tough time. I'm sure he was feeling all kinds of things after the tough time you went through, and, even if he might not have been right on the mark, I think it's great that he wanted to reconnect with you. And I'm so happy that your husband heard your concerns and ideas and was able to meet you half-way.

My husband didn't get the co-sleeping thing much and often ends up sleeping on the couch but now, even with his couch time, he loves sleeping near our boy and feeling his sweet breath and little feet in the night. The time will go so fast, so we are so glad to have this extra time with him!


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## kissum (Apr 15, 2006)

GL with your new solution!


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## blsilva (Jul 31, 2006)

I hope that works for you!







Its good that you could compromise, and hopefully this will fill all of your needs.


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## muckemom (Jun 26, 2006)

Glad you were able to compromise... its a much better solution than just ignoring your DH's needs...


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