Toddler Wants to Play in the Middle of the Night

Dear Emily,

Obviously, your daughter’s night “life-style” is harmless in the present. However, if we could fast forward ten or fifteen years, would she still find it a useful feature if she woke up often and couldn’t go back to sleep? (And would you still love it two years from now?)

I cannot know for sure that she will become unable to sleep without waking up in the middle of the night ready for action. She could possibly move on and sleep with no interruptions when she loses interest in night play. I cannot know but it is possible that her body would develop a habit.

Most parents call me after a couple of years of getting up to play, and they are very tired of it. I generally tell parents that the first time a child wakes up wanting to get up and play can be the last and it can be simple and kind. Toddlers like to try new adventures. If that initial idea meets with staying in bed in the dark, hugging and saying something like, “It is night sweetheart; I will hold you and you will go back to sleep,” the child will benefit from your leadership and go back to sleep. She may resist if you are not clear, and she may try it one of two more times, but with clear leadership this would never become a twice a week habit.

Not everything the child wants must be granted. Even if it is harmless in the moment, think long term, and ask yourself how many years you want to do it. Be authentic.

You and your husband sleep at night. Your world is your daughter’s reality to love and enjoy. 

Now that your child may have developed a habit, you will have to decide if to continue, hoping it will end some day, or if you want to talk to her about it and “wean” her over a few nights similarly to weaning from night breastfeeding (see my answer to the night weaning question.)

There is no reason for regrets. Most likely this situation will prevent you from enabling a much more crucial habit. Life always unfolds in its own ways providing guidance and love.

If you decide to keep the night play, I would love to know how things evolve in the future.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort http://AuthenticParent.com/