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Toddler Needing Objects When Anxious

Naomi Aldort

My toddler (1 3/4) grabs onto objects when highly anxious and will insist on clutching them (or assigning me to hold onto some of them) until he's asleep.  I should note that he grabs the objects and also wants me with him or holding him in addition to the object. He has always shown an affinity for holding something in one hand since a baby.  Now, he will run around and acquire random (yet familiar) objects  when anxious or even if he wakes at night to the point of alertness he will go and grab an object (lately he favors his bath towel) then lie down to sleep again. Our family cosleeps, breastfeeds, pratices natural parenting as you discuss in your book and has always emphasized people over objects.  How come he grabs onto objects? I thought with attachment parenting and by following child-led weaning (he currently breastfeeds) children would not be object oriented.  Sincerely, Amy

 

 

Dear Amy,

It is indeed not typical for an attached and content baby to cling to objects. You say repeatedly, “when he is anxious.” Why would a toddler who is cared for with uninterrupted attachment, be anxious? If you can find why he is anxious, you are likely to discover the reason he clings to things rather than to you. My guess is that his anxiety is related to the way he is attached to you. Something about his relating to you does not feel safe to him. However I cannot know how that happened without speaking with you directly.

I would love to explore with you the cause of your child’s unusual preference to using objects for comfort, and for why he feels anxious. To speak with me, you can book a phone session here: http://naomialdort.com/guidance.html

If what I wrote here is sufficient to evoke your insight and you realize the cause and the solution, I would love to hear from you via email. My address is on my site.

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com

 

 

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