Relatives Touching Toddler Against His Will

Dear parent,

Your job is not to educate your relatives but to respond to your toddler’s communication. He counts on you to take action on his behalf. When you don’t, he thinks his own feelings must be wrong, and he learns to accept feeling helpless and unassertive. When he signals “no,” you are the one who must respond to him; pick him up and remove him from the unwanted intrusion. You can say, “Sorry; he said ‘no.’”

If you are concerned that the relatives will be upset or insulted, realize who you are taking care of. Do you want to protect their feelings instead of your child’s? If you are concerned about what they will think about you, stop and check your priorities again; what is the most important, looking good and appeasing your relatives, or, responding to your child? Small doses of affectional “molestation” do train the young mind to succumb.

Your child’s self-confidence depends on succeeding to elicit a response. You are the one to respond when others don’t. Your child should experience that you stand up for him by responding to his cues not with ineffective words, but with the action he is asking for. This way, instead of learning, “I am helpless and even my parents are helpless...” He will learn, “I count and my inner guide is worth following.”

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/