Friendships are a complex thing. We hold them dear as confidants, co-conspirators, and collaborators. There are friends who are simply a wonderful part of our lives, with whom we laugh, go on adventures, and share ideas. Then there are the few and far between friends with whom we also get to cry, who share in our beauty alongside our times of sadness, anger, and fear. We should all have at least one good friend like that. The lucky among us have several.
When life is good, it is easy to be connected to our friends. When life is hard, too often we withdraw. Perhaps we fear judgment, believe that we should be able to handle it on our own, or simply discomfort with vulnerability.
Then there are the magic moments when we allow ourselves to be open. The tears flow, we blow our noses with a honk, and in an instant that friendship is transformed.
The friends we trust in this way get to witness and love all of us, including the parts that involve snot and tears. They are able to listen with an open heart—no judgment, no interrupting with a quick fix, and no telling us to stop crying. They know when to comfort with a hug and hot chocolate, when to silently listen, when to share words of wisdom, and when to simply run us a hot bath with bubbles. A friend of this depth can gently guide us from despair to a place of perspective and options.
What an honor it is to be invited into the whole of our friends’ lives, snot and all. When we close ourselves off, we are losing the opportunity for authentic connection. Taking the risk and opening ourselves in new ways can bring us not only the support we need in that moment, but also a friendship that now has an invitation to grow. So go ahead—invite a friend in—and let the magic of an authentic friendship begin.
Reflect on your own circle of friends.
What allows you to go deeper?
What are the qualities in a friend that create a sense of safety and connection?
How does it feel for you when you are that trusted friend?
© 2009 Mothering Magazine