Responding to Interactions With Another Child

Dear parent,

Music classes for two+ year old are really for the mothers, not the children. The little ones have no idea what is going on. They will remember nothing and will mostly retain the sense of being gently manipulated, or being with mommy doing strange things while all these other people are around. The idea of putting children in groups comes from school and contradicts their nature. It does not meet the child’s needs; only the mothers’.

I have responded to a few similar questions, and the answer is always the same: Avoid taking such a young child to a situation where socially incapable people of any age may confuse her. Children at this age are not yet socially skillful. 

Social skills are learned from relating to mother and father and other caring and socially competent and loving adults. As for musical skill, you can offer her much more in your own home environment. I teach a phone session on how to nurture musical talent in wee ones: http://authenticparent.com/musical.html

If you must be in situations where your daughter is confronted by socially unskilled children (or adults,) I suggest that you ask her at home how she feels about this child and follow her lead. If she doesn’t like his touch, either move her away from the “disturbance,” or ask him if he wants to play and try to help him get his needs met in a way that respects your daughter. You can also talk to the other mother on the phone, before the next class, and ask her to let her child be. It is not her job but yours, to take care of your daughter. 

Still the main point is that this set up does not nurture young children even when peaceful. It is best not to put children in situations they cannot handle with competence and that is not naturally initiated by the child. 

We should learn from the process of birth: Prematurity has no advantages. The baby who fully matures in the womb, emerges ready to be out of it. So it is with the rest of life. Your daughter will be ready to interact with others when the “womb” of relationship fully matures through being with loving parents and family, one-on-one.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html