Giving Attention Without Being Playmate

Dear parent,

Being a playmate has to do with the content of the attention you give. Be with your child, but stay an authentic adult. Being a playmate is when you pretend to be a child and become the doggy in your child’s fantasy game, or when you push cars around following your child’s instructions. When you do that, you are inauthentic and the child learns that the world revolves around him and that you are a “mover” in his game. He can play these games with himself or with another older child, rather than with you.

An adult does not usually like to push little cars around, talk for the doll or pretend to be a fire man. An adult enjoys reading books to a child, singing, holding, hugging, taking a walk, watching the child playing pretend games and watching the child at the playground. You can also do things together in which you and your child share as equals, like playing ball, a board game (when he is older,) making music etc.

Another “playmate” style that is not useful is doing art and creativity side by side with the child. This often discourages the child’s creativity as he tries to imitate your superior creations. Let your child paint, build and create with your attention as an observer, not as a participant. Distinguish yourself as a loving adult parent and your attention will not turn into dependency.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/