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Peggy O'Mara

A Quiet Place

Diapers and The Bottom Line

February 29th, 2012

 

The Triple Bottom Line is a standard used to measure a company in terms of its total cost of doing business. There are three standards that comprise the Triple Bottom Line: profit, people, and planet. The first standard is the traditional business one of overall profitability, or how financially responsible is a business; The second standard relates to people, or how socially responsible is a business; and, finally, the third standard refers to the planet, or how environmentally responsible is a business.

It is an awareness of this total cost of doing business that, in recent years, has made the public increasingly critical of companies and individuals who only value the bottom line of profit. It is this awareness that fuels critics of offshore oil drilling, fracking, and other technologies that take large environmental risks. And, it is this awareness that has many of us buying local food, shopping at Farmer’s Markets and thinking about backyard chickens.

THE REAL DIAPER INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION AND BUMMIS

Cloth diaper manufacturers are also concerned about the Triple Bottom Line. In fact, The Real Diaper Industry Association, includes it in its mission. Betsy Thomas of Bummis is exemplary among cloth diaper manufacturers for producing most of her products in her own factory in Montreal using mostly North American components. When products and components are unavailable in North America, Betsy and her team work with long-time reputable partners in the UK and Pakistan. Everything is tested for non-toxicity and biodegradability and cloth diapers are made of Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS) certified cotton.

According to Betsy Thomas, founder of Bummis, “We also believe that the bottom line is not only about money and profit – but that it is also about the well being of our company and the people who work in it, our suppliers, our clients, and our community – both our local community and our industry. We believe that the way we do business matters, and that business can be an important vehicle for social change.”

REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE

The Triple Bottom Line is especially relevant to diapers because there is so much controversy about the environmental impacts of diapers. Small cloth diaper manufactures were the original advertisers in Mothering magazine and as the industry grew rapidly in the late eighties and early nineties, Proctor and Gamble retaliated with false advertising and Strategic Lawsuits Against Public Participation (SLAPP) that virtually decimated the burgeoning cloth diaper industry. Today we are still victims of the misinformation from this era.

It doesn’t seem to take any sophisticated skills of analysis to determine that something that is reused is more environmentally responsible than something thrown away. In fact, at the height of the cloth diaper renaissance, Landbank Consultancy, a London-based independent environmental agency, concluded that, compared to cloth diapers, throwaway diapers use 20 times more raw materials, three times more energy, twice as much water, and generate 60 times more waste.

WHAT IS BIODEGRADABLE?

The waters are again muddied in regards to diapers. New products, like throwaway inserts recommended for cloth diaper systems, confuse the consumer. They appear to be innocuous because they are advertised as biodegradable and easily compostable in your own compost pile, but these claims are misleading.

The Biodegradable Products Institute (BPI),  for example, only certifies products that will biodegrade in municipal and commercial facilities that meet the requirements of the USCC’s Field Operator’s Guide. Regarding  home composting, the BPI says, “…home composters, their pilles or composting units typically do not generate the temperatures needed to assure rapid biodegradation…”

And, claims that these so-called biodegradable inserts are flushable has been questioned by the city of Vancouver, Washington, which recommends that they be treated as solid waste and not flushed down the toilet.

SUPPORT THE TRIPLE BOTTOM LINE WITH YOUR PURCHASES

Choosing cloth diapers is an environmentally responsible decision. Taking that choice a bit further and looking for cloth diaper companies that also share your values is a logical next step. Just as we want to know where our food comes from, we also want to know where our diapers come from, how the workers are treated and where the materials are sourced. This is the evolution of business, especially in post-Occupy society: Money cannot be the only bottom line.

More soon on The Great Cloth Diaper Change, coming up April 21st. Help us break the world’s record!

 

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The Connected Baby

February 27th, 2012

We’re streaming the connected baby exclusively on Mothering.com from Tuesday, February 28 through Thursday, March 1. This fascinating film illustrates the fact that babies come into the world already able to communicate. Contrary to the outdated notion that a baby’s movements are just random firings of reflexes, in fact, 76% of his or her movements are perceptually controlled. Infants direct their own bodies.

the connected baby shows how outrageously expressive are an infant’s hands, how each hand works in rhythm with the other and how the infant’s movements are coordinated with the sound and energy of the mother’s voice. In fact, the conversation of mother and baby makes music, quite literally; it’s pitch, key and intervals can be plotted on a musical scale.

the connected baby: A Film Conversation by Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk and Jonathan Robertson is divided into five chapters: The Dance of the Connection, The Dance of the Nappy, The Dance of the Air, The Dance of the Big Sister, and The Dance of the Mirror. Suzanne Zeedyk, PhD, commentates the film.

Zeedyk is a developmental psychologist and prominent researcher into the communication between parent and infant; she is based at the University of Dundee. Jonathan Robertson is a film maker based in Fife, Scotland as well as an Associate Researcher at the University of Dundee. You can watch the connected baby trailer on You Tube.

This is a film put together by people vitally interested in the study of knowledge, and Zeedyk does an excellent job of demonstrating and explaining the consciousness of the baby. the connected baby was shown at the Scottish Parliament earlier this month; educating the public about the consciousness of babies is a goal of the filmmakers. The contributors to the connected baby are impressive and the film is enhanced by haunting Scottish lullabies sung by Sheena Wellington.

Colwyn Trevarthen is Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology and Psychobiology at the University of Edinburgh. He is also a Fellow of the Royal Society of Edinburgh and a Vice President of the British Association for Early Childhood Education.

He is currently researching how rhythm and expressions of musicality in movement help communication with children and may help parents, teachers and therapists care for young children.

 

 

Jonathan Delafield-Butt is a neurobiologist and psychologist at the Babylap of the University of Copenhagen. He is currently a research fellow with the Perception, Motion, Action (PMA) Research Consortium at the University of Edinburgh.

In writing about his fellowship, Delafield-Butt says, “…I will build on a metaphysic that places feeling at the heart of mind…”

 

 


Vasudevi Reddy is Professor of Devlopmental and Cultural Psychology at the University of Portsmouth, UK. She is a chartered member of the British Psychological Society and Director of the Centre for Situated Action and Communication.

Reddy is the author of How Infants Know Minds. This book demonstrates compelling evidence that babies can tease, pretend, feel self-conscious, and joke with people in the first year of life.

 

 

In viewng the connected baby I feel that I have stumbled upon perhaps the most original research on babies being done on the planet today. The interactions depicted in the film are familiar but Suzanne Zeedyk’s narrative puts them in a new context of music and rhythm and shows us how much earlier our babies are communicating with us than we think.  Enjoy the film. You can stream it live here. Please add  your questions and remarks to the Comments section for the live streaming. We want to know what you think and feel!

 

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[ 6 comments ]

Our Favorite Board Games

February 22nd, 2012

I love board games, always have. We played cards and board games when I was growing up and the tradition has continued with my own family. When my children were teens, I made Sunday a mandatory family day and we would often play board games. Even now when they are all grown up, they come up on Sundays to eat and play board games and we especially love to play games during the holidays when everyone is together. I’ve done a lot of research on the best board games because I wanted to add something new to our repertoire and was looking for more games that two people can play. Here are some of our family’s favorites.

CLUE

My favorite classic game is Clue. I prefer the 50th Anniversary edition because it has metal characters and weapons and the board is attractive. I’m partial to games that are beautiful and that have visually pleasing components. The newest Clue has the clever addition of a swimming pool in the center of the board where players have to go before making an accusation, but the characters, weapons and the Clue Detective Sheets are poorly designed. The 50th Anniversary Clue Deluxe Edition in Metal Tin is a Parker Brothers game and retails for $79.

 

 

TICKET TO RIDE

Our current favorite game is Ticket to Ride Europe. I love it! It can be played with two or more players and can get really exciting. One chooses destination cards and then uses small plastic trains to complete the various routes, getting points along the way.

There’s enough variety, aesthetic satisfaction and strategy to make Ticket To Ride a top game. There are several versions. We’ve played both the USA and the Europe editions and though we like both, we prefer the Ticket to Ride Europe because it seems to require more strategy. Ticket to Ride is a Days of Wonder game and retails for $36.00.

NEW GAMES

Several new games, including Small World and Tobago are beautiful and clever but take too long to learn. Just reading the instructions of Small World took us three hours. From this experience, we decided that one criteria of a good game is a one-page instruction sheet. I bought another new game, Settlers of Catan, but we haven’t yet played it. It also takes a while to learn but has been named a top game.


We like two games new to us: Scattergories and Balderdash. Balderdash is better with more than three people and Scattergories is great for the English majors in the crowd.

A really beautiful new game is Dixit. The cards you use to play are colorful and evocative and I think this would be a great game for families with young children as the game encourages the imagination. Cranium is a really fun game to play with a bunch of people, especially if you want to laugh a lot!

 

MORE CLASSIC GAMES

I love the classic games of Chess, Backgammon, Go and Mahjong and would play Mahjong a lot more if it wasn’t a game for four players. I found one site online that ranked Risk as the number one most popular game and it can be fun too though I think the older versions are more visually satisfying.

Another classic is Chinese Checkers and we got a wooden and glass bead set from Melissa and Doug for ourselves for Christmas. Chinese Checkers is a surprisingly elegant, fast paced and heart pounding game, especially when played on such a visually inspiring board.

One of my favorite games is Mancala. This is a deceptively simple game employing glass beads moved around a board; it involves quick thinking and sophisticated strategy.

Another beautiful game that would be great for home schoolers is Bird Watching Trivia Game. Even the beginner questions are difficult, but the game would be a great way to learn about birds.

What are your family’s favorite games?

Here are some board game links to check out:

2010 Mothering Community Thread on Board Games for Younger Children

Best Board Games of All Times

Beyond Monopoly: The 15 Greatest Board Games of All Times

Top Board Games 2011-2012

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[ 6 comments ]

Am I Pregnant?

February 20th, 2012

What are the early signs of pregnancy? Thousands of women come to Mothering.com every day to ask this question.

BREAST CHANGES

One of the first things many women notice when they become pregnant is breast changes. Breasts can be sore, swollen, or heavy feeling. Nipples can be tingly and tender, which you will notice especially if you are breastfeeding when you become pregnant. Extra B-vitamins can help with this breast tenderness.

CHANGES IN THE CERVIX

I remember going to the doctor when I was pregnant with my third and he could tell I was pregnant because my cervix was blue. Sure enough, when you’re pregnant, the color of your cervix changes from pink or red to blue or purple. The feel of your cervix also changes when you’re pregnant. Normally, the cervix feels like the end of our nose. When you’re menstruating, the cervix opens a bit to let the blood out. If you’re pregnant, your cervix will feel softer than usual but will be closed tightly rather than open slightly as you approach menstruation.

TEMPERATURE CHANGES

A basal thermometer is designed to take the temperature upon waking and can detect small changes in body temperature associated with ovulation, and thyroid function. I used one when I was practicing natural birth control. One of the very early signs of pregnancy is an elevated basal body temperature of between one-half to one degree Fahrenheit. You would probably have had to have been tracking your basal thermometer before you became pregnant to notice the difference.

DIGESTION AND ELIMINATION

One of the the early signs I noticed when I was pregnant was that I wanted to urinate more often. Some women notice increased constipation or intestinal bloating.

DISCHARGE

Pregnancy can increase vaginal discharge in general and a white, milky vaginal discharge may be noticed in early pregnancy. Some pregnant women experience implantation bleeding, or spotting 6 to 12 days after the egg is fertilized; this may be accompanied by mild cramping.

FATIGUE

A sure sign that you are pregnant is the desire to just lay down and go to sleep at a moment’s notice. This is not necessarily an early sign of pregnancy, however, though it tends to be more pronounced during the early months of pregnancy.

OTHER SIGNS

Other signs of pregnancy include nausea, morning sickness, food aversions, food cravings, headache, back pain, dizziness, and fainting.

Are you pregnant? What signs have you experienced? What signs let you know that you are pregnant? Check out this community poll on early pregnancy signs.

 

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Facebook Censors Nude Breastfeeding Photos

February 17th, 2012

 

 

Documents recently leaked to Gawker confirm what the breastfeeding community has always suspected. In the leaked “Abuse Standards Violation” document, Facebook employees are specifically directed to delete images of “Mothers breastfeeding without clothes,” and “Naked children…”

Facebook has been widely criticized for its content moderation standards and those who complain are often referred to the vague Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.  According to Gawker, “If users knew exactly what criteria was being used to judge their content, they could hold Facebook to them. It would be clear what Facebook was choosing to censor according to its policies, and what amounts to arbitrary censorship.”

In addition, according to the whistle blower, content management services are outsourced to countries like Turkey, the Philippines, Mexico and India where workers are paid from $1 to $4 an hour. Aside from the ethical questions raised by this arrangement, how could workers from different countries interpret the FB standards consistently?

Internet censorship is a hot topic right now because of the recent controversy over SOPA and PIPA, and as Facebook prepares to go public, the company is being closely scrutinized. “I don’t know whether dictatorship is the right word, but it more or less defies every vestige of shareholder democracy known to man…I don’t think it’s how business should be run.” said Larry Haverty of Gamco Investors Inc. in the San Francisco Chronicle last week.

With these kinds of standards and governance in place, how can the breastfeeding community continue to impact Facebook? Last week thousands of breastfeeding mothers demonstrated in front of Facebook headquarters around the world. Historically, these types of nurse-ins have been effective in bringing an issue to public awareness but they have not been successful in changing the censorship policy of Facebook.

What I wonder about in regards to the FB censorship is how breastfeeding photos are being reported. Though Facebook is a public forum, images are semi-private. You have to be friends with someone to see their photos. Nude breastfeeding photos don’t often appear as someone’s main photo. This means that someone who reports a photo may be befriending and then stalking someone they don’t know. Are voyeurs reporting these photos? Maybe they are the ones who should be reported.

I’m not sure where we go from here, but I know that the breastfeeding community is among many voices challenging Facebook at this time. What do you think?

Are all breastfeeding photos appropriate for Facebook or are some private?

Is there a different standard for an image in a general forum, like Facebook, than for an image in a breastfeeding-friendly forum like Mothering, for example?

What do you think would be the ideal breastfeeding image standard for Facebook?

 

 

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[ 9 comments ]

When Do Babies Sleep Through the Night?

February 15th, 2012

 

Babies don’t sleep through the night until between two and three years of age. I wish this weren’t true. I wish I had a magic wand that would take away the challenge of night waking, but I’m afraid it comes with the territory. The good news is that it does get better; the bad news is that it’s not over as soon as we’d like.

My personal experience with four children tells me that it takes about two years for the nervous and immune system of a child to mature enough to foster the ability to sleep through the night. Sleep has developmental milestones such as the progression from sleeping more in the day to sleeping more at night and the progression from waking during the night to sleeping through the night.

SLEEP STUDIES

Informal and formal research confirms this. kellymom has a great page on her site listing several studies of normal sleep. Here are some provocative quotes from the abstracts of these studies. Quotes link to the study:

84% were not sleeping through the night at six months.

…night waking at the end of the first year is a common developmental phenomenon.

The increase in night waking towards the end of the first year coincides with significant socio-emotional advances which characterizes this developmental stage.”

It is not until after 24 months that regular night waking (requiring attention) becomes much less common.

Babies who slept well at night were exposed to significantly more light in the early afternoon period.

“Infants who were breast-fed into the second year did not develop sleep/wake patterns in conformance with the norms. Instead of having long unbroken night sleep, they continued to sleep in short bouts with frequent waking…The sleep/wake development accepted as the physiologic norm may be attributable to the early weaning and separated sleeping practices in western cultures…As prolonged breastfeeding becomes more popular in our society, the norms of sleep/wake patterns in infancy will have be be revised”

WHAT CAN WE DO?

If our culture appears to be in a state of illusion regarding babies’ sleep habits and parents’ ability to control them, it is because we are a bottle feeding culture. A breastfeeding culture has different norms. On good days, we know this. On bad days, we want to make sure we’ve tried everything we can just in case there is something to be done about night waking. Here are some things to consider:

Is your baby hungry?

Is the room too hot or too cold? Is the baby’s clothing right for the temperature of the room?

Is your baby overstimulated? (Does your baby feel, see and hear things more acutely than other babies? Those with low sensory thresholds wake more at night.)

Is your baby teething?

Is your baby sick or getting sick?

Is your baby getting bit by bugs or does your baby have pinworms?

Could your baby be having dreams or night terrors?

Is your baby overtired?

Is your baby active enough during the day?

Is your baby sensitive to anything in his or her diet?

Unusual things that could keep a baby awake at night include: inadequate cortisone levels, cerebral allergy, allergic-tension fatigue syndrome, low blood sugar, central nervous system, glandular or mineral imbalance, mold in mattresses, petrochemicals, down comforters, or sleeping bags. These, of course, are things to talk about with your health care practitioner.

GRACE

The vast majority of the time, however, night waking is perfectly normal. All we can do is change ourselves: don’t take night waking personally;  stop feeling sorry for yourself; make time and space to have a nap; practice relaxation techniques and keep everyone’s blood sugar up. The rest is grace. May you have that grace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[ 37 comments ]

What is Love?

February 13th, 2012

 

Like most of us, I have long pondered the meaning of love. As a young woman, I equated love with sad poems and tragic romantic scenarios. Now I see love as an action rather than a feeling. In The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck defines love this way:

“GENUINE LOVE IMPLIES COMMITMENT AND EXERCISE OF WISDOM…THE WILL TO EXTEND ONESELF FOR THE PURPOSE OF NURTURING ONE’S OWN OR ANOTHER’S SPIRITUAL GROWTH.”

In order to explore the more mature love that Peck describes, one must be able to delay gratification, accept responsibilities for one’s actions, speak and act honestly, and keep things in balance. These are all things that we are challenged to learn to do during the early months of parenting and that then inform our couple relationship.

Our couple relationship is fragile during the early years of parenting because we have so little time for ourselves, much less for one another. We are also both changing so much and learning so much as new parents that we have to redefine, just like everything else, our couple relationship.

“WHERE LOVE IS, NO ROOM IS TOO SMALL.” Talmud

How can we make room for our love once baby has come? Without putting too much pressure on yourselves, be ready to respond to a time when the baby first goes down for sleep at night, for example, as a time to check in with one another. Eventually find two hours a week to be together to talk. You don’t have to go out; make a special candlelit dinner at home. Have a picnic on the living room floor. As the baby can tolerate it, go out for two hours together one time a week. This is a period during which the ability to delay gratification will come in handy.

‘LOVE CONSISTS IN THIS, THAT TWO SOLITUDES PROTECT AND TOUCH AND GREET EACH OTHER.” Rainer Maria Rilke

Do nice things for one another. Leave a loving note. Write something on the bathroom mirror. Offer to help out with an inconvenient task. Notice something that needs to be done before someone mentions it. Lean on one another. Pick up the slack for each other. Let yourself be helped.  Here’s where accepting responsibilities for one’s actions will go a long way.

I HAVE FOUND THE PARADOX, THAT IF YOU LOVE UNTIL IT HURTS, THERE CAN BE NO MORE HURT, ONLY LOVE. Mother Teresa.

We suffer for love. Real love is not always convenient and we can’t control it. The early months of parenting are a time that we just have to suffer through and we must not criticize ourselves if we break down at times and feel that we’ve reached our limit. This is simply evidence that we have the courage to suffer for love. Here’s where speaking and acting honestly will help ameliorate the suffering.

YOUR TAKS IS NOT TO SEEK FOR LOVE, BUT MERELY TO SEEK AND FIND ALL THE BARRIERS WITHIN YOURSELF THAT HAVE BUILT AGAINST IT.” Rumi

Through suffering the early months and years of parenting, we learn to take ourselves seriously. We see that our children are mirrors of ourselves and learn from our example. If we want to love them, and hope to guide them, then we have to change ourselves first. We always have to change ourselves first. And, at the same time, we have to refrain from taking ourselves too seriously and continue to trust that things are as they should be. A healthy sense of humor can help keep things in balance. Humor is the universal antidote to any and all of our negative emotions.

When I’m feeling sorry for myself and over-dramatic about my own suffering, I like to listen to Monty Python’s, “Four Yorkshiremen.

How do you keep your sense of humor as a parent and a partner?

 

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    Mothering's long-time editor and publisher, Peggy O'Mara, shares observations and insights about overcoming parenting obstacles, appreciating unacknowledged epiphanies, and taking care of yourself. Also, great food ideas and recipes, as well as beautiful home and garden tips.

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