Child Won't Paint on His Own

Dear parent,

If you eat “for your child” he will stay hungry. You cannot sleep for him either nor play games for him. Likewise, you never painted for him. The painting you did was your experience not his. He enjoyed looking at a picture. He did not paint. Therefore, it would be very kind to release him and yourself from an inauthentic pretense so he can choose to paint if he wants to. 

We all make mistakes and learn along the way. Tell your children the truth and they will eventually enjoy the freedom to create in their own time and ways. You can say, “I made a mistake. Painting is something each person does for himself. Would you like to paint?”

Initially your child may refuse, saying he “doesn’t know how.” You can validate with something like, “I understand. Because I painted instead of you, you think that your painting must look a certain way.” To release any sense of expectation, you can say, “You don’t have to paint at all; only if you enjoy it. If you do, it doesn’t have to look like anything real or like my paintings. Enjoy doing it if you want, or do something else.” Show no interest and don’t get excited regardless of what each child does. Let them be.

If the child shows no interest, put the art supplies away happily and let go of your agenda. If your child never painted again, he will direct his artistic interests authentically. It is not a problem. He does not have to paint. If a child asks you to paint “for him,” remind him that painting is like eating and playing and that the one who wants to paint takes the action. Be curious and enjoy whatever happens next.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/index.html