Child Tantrums Over Making Choices

Dear parent,

There are a couple of possible causes for your daughter’s frustration. Most likely, she is feeling trapped by the “choices” you give her because she does not really want either. If you had to choose between things you don’t want, you would feel helpless and will have your own tantrum. Many children are asked to choose between things they don’t really want. For examples a child may be asked to choose between sleeping in her bed or in her parents’ bed, when she doesn’t want to go to sleep at all. Or, a child is told to choose what to wear before leaving the house, when she doesn’t want to interrupt her play to go anywhere. 

In other words, your child may be feeling helpless, having no choice at all. Of course whatever you do aggravates her further, because it nails her helplessness and your superior power further.

If this is what your daughter is experiencing, I suggest that you actually listen and respect her. Let her choose freely from unlimited possibilities so she can make autonomous choices (as long as she is unharmed.) Watch, on my website the video titled, “You are the Leader.” True leaders don’t control, nor manipulate. They lead the way in response to the needs and aspirations of their subjects, so that there is peace and contentment.

Another less likely possibility is that your child has too many wonderful choices and she really cannot decide. If this is sometimes the case, consider making some decisions without her and just letting her know what the plan is. If she is over burdened by possibilities, fewer choices would be a relief for her.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/