Noisy Family Bed Leads to Poor Sleep

Dear parent,

This difficulty you are experiencing has nothing to do with the family bed. When a child is sick or a baby is teething, parents and sometimes other children, are not going to have a good night sleep. If the children are in their own beds it would be even more disruptive, as you would be anxious and getting up often to see that they are safe and to sooth them. When a teething baby is crying, you won’t leave him alone to cry in another bed either. He needs to breastfeed and will return to sleep much faster when in your bed.

The only one that could reduce the noise is your husband. When he has a cold, he could certainly sleep in another room until he is well again. If the older child is sick too, he could sleep with his father (only if he is comfortable,) so the amount of interruptions is “shared.”

What makes things hard for you is your expectation to sleep without interruptions. With young children, it is best to let go of such an idea for at least a few years. Instead, expect to be awake part of the night, and expect children to wake each other up too when they are sick, have nightmares, are teething or restless. 

I do not recommend any medical remedies as they do long term harm. For congestion and coughing, put half an onion by the bed, close to the child’s face, and make sure he does not eat any sweetened or refined food, as those suppress the immune system. Eat well yourself, staying away from sweetened and processed foods, coffee or other health offenders, so the nursing baby can get immunity through the milk. A humidifier in the room can be helpful when a child is congested.

Since you don’t want to evict your children when they are inconvenient, you are best off making peace with reality. What you describe is simply part of being a parent. The thought that brings you stress is, “We should sleep with no interruptions (or minimal interruptions) every night.” This thought causes you stress and struggle because it is simply not possible. Ask yourself how you would feel if you didn’t believe such an fantasy. If you expected sleep to be interrupted by noisy children you could be at peace about it. You sleep, you wake, you sleep you wake... welcome to being a mother.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html