Boy Playing Swords and Guns

Dear parent,

Your sense is right; your child can easily enjoy different games or a more respectful way of playing. 

You seem to think that little boys as young as two and three are naturally driven to play pretend games of killing or hurting/fighting. I am happy to tell you that this is not true and not necessary. Children who grow up without being exposed to swords, guns and weapons (or talk about those,) do not think up such games and have no idea nor interest in gun play. They don’t know it exists and don’t invent anything like it. In addition, children who are not feeling helpless or scared, have no emotional reason to dominate another by playing swords or getting in people’s faces. Older children sometimes play with swords and pretend guns, but, if they are not feeling helpless, they play in ways that are fun for everyone.

Your child may be feeling a need to experience a sense of power. Make sure not to control him so he doesn’t feel helpless. When children feel helpless they have a need to play being the powerful one. Play safe power-games with your child, as described in my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: http://authenticparent.com/book.html

Children emulate what they feel and see around them. You child may have seen swords or guns on TV, certain magazines, stories, or even from friends or relatives. Pay attention to your own way with your child and others. Maybe he sees you as “getting in his face.” He is likely to imitate what he experiences or observes. 

It is possible that you simply didn’t tell your child clearly how he can play. You can tell him to stay a distance from you and from his sister. You can participate and pretend to die and let him have fun. If he fails to engage you in the game, he may have no choice but to get in your face. At such a young age, the play is very innocent. If you participate

playfully, he will listen to your request to follow certain rules of distance. At the same time, consider removing the source that inspires his play and provide lots of other power games.

If you need further assistance, you can book a phone session with me:http://authenticparent.com/guidance.html

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html