Children Want to Earn Money

Dear parent,

You don’t say what ages your children are. If they are very young such that there isn’t anything real that they can offer to others, then they should play pretend money games with their friends. Children create their own money and do business with each other all the time. It is natural and authentic.

If they are old enough to have something of value to offer, it is best if they do the whole thing on their own and only enlist your help in things like distribution of flyers, printing etc. If they simply want to have money, ask them what they want to buy and, if agreeable, buy them what you can.

When my youngest son was seven, he wanted to “see what it is like to be a professional musician.” He asked me to book the concert hall for him to give a recital. He was serious and passionate. Oliver prepared the recital, we did the publicity. He was interviewed for a cover story of the paper and 140 people paid to hear him. They truly enjoyed themselves. He earned a few hundred dollars after our costs were fully covered, and he experienced what it takes to make money: Skill, dedication, hard work, and giving something of real value. He loved it, and kept giving recitals ever since; over time he was officially hired by other cultural centers.

When children want to make money without having anything to offer, I first help them understand that the goal is not the money but the giving of something you have or something you do. Many parents create setups for children to make money that are pretend and inauthentic. The parent spend money and time and the child collects money that does not cover the parent costs and is not real earning. The child experiences a lie.

If your children can authentically make money, they don’t need you to set it up. If they want to make a lemonade stand, or, if they are older, if they want to mow the loan of their neighbor or baby sit, they can do these on their own. If they are very young and don’t have a skill that someone will actually want to pay for, I would be honest with them. I would ask the children, “What can you do that people will want to pay you for?”

Let them think about it. If they can come up with something real, let them do it. If it is something that adults will pretend to want, I find that patronizing and not respectful of the children. It is best that they encounter honesty and reality.

Facing reality is a healthier thing than doing deceptive Santa Claus kind of games. The child realizes: “I cannot earn money yet because I have nothing to offer that people would want to pay for.”

Such a realization can motivate a child to starts exploring her own ability to offer something of value. It may drive a child to learn a skill or create something useful.

Then, when the skill is of value, or the creation nurturing or useful to others, the child can experience herself as capable and powerful when she earns with her own offering. Until then the whole thing is a patronizing game.

The most natural way for children to learn about anything, including money, is through pretend game. From there they can build their ability to contribute to others independently so the parents don’t have to create a phony setup to make them feel that they earn money when they didn’t. Keep things honest and real and treat children as you treat adults.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html