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Jennifer Margulis

Mothering Outside the Lines

A Visitor on Halloween

October 31st, 2010
Does this man look too young to be their grandpa?

Does this man look too young to be their grandpa?

My father-in-law is visiting from Buffalo, New York. It’s the first time he’s met the baby. He was planning to come last year but he got sick with throat cancer.

He’s much better now. His hair has grown back more thickly since he had chemo. It’s also changed color. He used to have sandy, auburn, mostly straight hair that was flecked with gray. The hair that has grown in is so dark it’s almost black, and now it’s curly.

He has a long scar from his jawline that wraps around part of his neck, where the surgeons cut when they removed the tumor, and he’s waiting for the feeling to come back on the left side of his neck. But he is so healthy now–he goes running every day, lifts weights, does push ups.

“No way!” my friend Janet said when she met my father-in-law at the Co-op yesterday. “You’re way too young to be anyone’s grandfather!”

As we walked away, Jim, Sr. nudged me, “Yeah, what she doesn’t know is that I can’t hear in one ear from the chemo, and that my eyesight’s going too…”

Last year I was miserably pregnant in the Halloween parade, wondering if the baby would be fully grown before making an appearance. It was already a few days past the due date, but I’d still have four more days to go.

This year I walked in the parade with Baby Leone on my back … for about three steps. Leone was so squirmy and unhappy that we turned back. We sat on the grass by the library and nursed. She was a lion, I an African lion hunter (wearing a Nigerian agbada and a man’s hat, wielding my deadly cloth sword.)

Leone fell asleep for the night before it was time to trick-or-treat. For the first time my oldest daughter, who’s 11, trick-or-treated with her friends, leaving her younger sister and brother to fend for themselves. An eyeball and a tree, they raced from house to house, filling their bags with candy.

Etani the Eyeball

Etani the Eyeball


The African Lion Hunter with her Baby Lion

The African Lion Hunter with her Baby Lion

Athena (a tree) and Etani after marching in the parade and trick-or-treating downtown

Athena (a tree) and Etani after marching in the parade and trick-or-treating downtown

What did you and your family do on Halloween?

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[ 16 comments ]

The Waiting Game

November 3rd, 2009

WaitingforTimePeggy and I were talking the other day about how we need a new way to describe when a baby is due.

Due “date” is something of a misnomer, since a healthy baby can safely be born two weeks (or more) before that date or two weeks (or more) afterwards. Some women gestate longer than others and often labor is unnecessarily induced by artificial means that lead to a cascade of iatrogenic problems.

What should we call it? Due season? Due time? Due month? One blogger suggests calling it a “due window.”

It’s easy to be mistaken about the date of conception. According to Ina May Gaskin and other birth experts, modern ultrasounds have proved notoriously unreliable in measuring a fetus’s size or estimating a due date.

My friend Kay had a healthy, uneventful pregnancy until her doctor ordered a C-section because the baby was two weeks “late.” Her son weighed less than seven pounds and had a host of preemie health problems after he was cut out of her uterus. He was born too soon.

The same thing happened to my friend Nora, a doctor, who had a scheduled C-section with her second born. She was sure of the date of conception but that didn’t mean her baby was ready according to the doctor’s schedule (he was going on vacation and wanted to do the surgery before he left). Nora’s sons lungs were underdeveloped and he had to be medically evacuated to a larger hospital, spending over two weeks in the NICU.

For some women a baby isn’t full term until it has cooked for 42 weeks (or more). I recently read a first-person account that a woman can gestate anywhere from 36 – 47 weeks and give birth naturally and safely to a healthy baby.

Christine sends an email from Japan, where she lives with her family. “I am eight days late,” she writes, “and I’m absolutely miserable.”

I know how she feels. My “due date” came and went without a hiccup from Pineapple. The waiting game is hard and I’m trying not to let it drive me crazy but the truth is I’m beginning to despair.

“Just keep making plans,” my friend Jenny, who had two of her four at 42 weeks, suggests. “The baby will come when it comes.”

I keep trying to convince myself the baby will come when it’s ready. Then another voice in my head gives a sinister chuckle and says, “NO IT WON’T. YOU ARE GOING TO BE PREGNANT FOREVER.”ComingSoon?

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[ 7 comments ]






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