At first Hesperus, who is 10, did not want a baby sister
I followed them into my bedroom where they were folding laundry.
“Look!” Hesperus held up some maternity jeans. “The machine broke your pants! They’re all poofy and stretched out.”
Though the girls knew I might be pregnant, they had never seen maternity clothes. I told them we were expecting a baby. Athena clapped her hands with joy. Hesperus burst into tears.
“I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY!” she shouted.
For the next four months Hesperus was sullen whenever the topic of pregnancy came up. I saw her roll her eyes to her friends at school and say, “Yeah, well, my mom’s pregnant,” in a disgusted tone, as if she were saying I had head lice.
She told us she planned to be mean to the baby. She even said she wished the baby would die.
“It better be a girl,” she insisted. “If it’s a boy we’ll call it Dung Beetle.”
When I was almost eight months pregnant a friend suddenly got very sick. The doctors first thought she had a postpartum infection but quickly realized that she had an aggressive form of lymphoma. She was medically evacuated to Portland for treatment but her newborn and four other children stayed in town. Her mother-in-law started making plans to take the baby to New York City (the other children would go to California with their aunt and uncle). I burst into tears. “You can’t take the baby so far from his mom,” I sobbed. “We’ll take care of him.”
'I love babies,' my 10-year-old said, 'I just don't love YOUR babies.'
“I love babies,” she sighed happily, snuggling with him. Then she added, “I just don’t love your babies Mommy.”
At 3:00 p.m. the Wednesday our baby was born the phone rang.
“Mommy, it’s Hesperus. I’m coming right home. I’m not going to gymnastics.”
“I’m so glad,” I said, trying not to sound like I was crying. “I really want you here.”
Athena and Etani, who had been excited about the baby all along, had seen their new sister before she was half an hour old but Hesperus had decided to stay at school.
She crept into the bedroom where I was holding the baby. As she looked at her little sister her face softened.
“She’s so cute. Oh Mommy. Can I hold her?”
Hesperus sat with the baby on her lap, smiling as wide as the moon. “She smells so good, Mommy. Look at her teeny fingers. Aw.”
Hesperus holding her baby sister for the first time
That Saturday Hesperus held the baby for more than two hours, looking into her wrinkled tiny face and slate-colored eyes.
“She’s my little heater. I love her so much Mommy.”
It’s only been two weeks but the first thing Hesperus says when she comes home from school is “Where’s the baby? My turn to hold her!” She’s been keeping her fingernails short so the baby can suck on her pinky, she changes diapers without being asked, and she charges into the bedroom to scoop the baby up if her sister so much as makes a peep.
I have three older brothers. The eldest is ten years my senior. Hesperus is the kindest, most attentive, and most caring sibling — the big sister I always wanted but never had.
Other posts you might like:
The Story of our Unassisted Birth
And you thought YOUR belly was big
The American Prejudice Against Large Families
© 2009 Mothering Magazine
What a wonderful age to have a baby sibling–I wonder how much more comfortable and confident I would have been with my own first child, if I’d had the experience of taking care of a baby sibling when I was old enough to do so, yet still growing up myself.
Awwwww. . . What a fabulous big sis!
I have a ten year old daughter who’d give her eye teeth for a baby. My sister is ten years younger than I am and we are very close. Hesperus is lucky you’ve given her this gift!
They will have SUCH a special lifelong relationship, that’s for sure. Thank you for sharing!
.-= Kara´s last blog ..Family Travel in Bariloche, Argentina =-.
Love the photos! Such pride in her little sister! It’s interesting to think about how different placement in a family can affect the way we view our siblings. I think four is good in that it solves the problem of the middle child being left out ….
.-= Alexandra´s last blog ..Should Concern for Wildlife Trump Concern for People and the Environment? =-.
Isn’t it amazing how you never knew a baby was *exactly* what everyone needed until you had one? Your older kids are wildly blessed to have a new little sister, and she’s just as blessed to have them!!
:0)
I love your story, Jennifer. And I love the photos! I was seven when my brother was born and I remember taking such pride in having a baby around. I think it’s a wonderful thing for an older child to experience. What wonderful nurturing this lucky baby is going to enjoy from everyone!
When I was first brought in at the age of 3 to meet and hold my new baby brother, I asked if we could “take it back.” Throughout childhood, we had a tumultuous relationship but, now that we’re both adults, we’ve finally been able to find some common ground.
I loves these photos, Jennifer. It’s a little late, but congratulations!
.-= stephanerd´s last blog ..Knowing My Own Self-Worth =-.
This is heartwarming. It’s nice to see a realistic account of the variety of different ways children react to the birth of a new sibling.
.-= Christine at OrigamiMommy´s last blog ..Welcoming Anna =-.
I’m glad she softened up. You have such beautiful children!
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..25 Things That I’m Thankful For =-.
I am SO GLAD to hear she loves the baby. After 30 years, my brother and I still don’t get along.
.-= Stephanie – Wasabimon´s last blog ..What Am I Thankful For? =-.
This story made me tear up. From my personal experience, that was a perfect age difference. My own favorite sibling(sister)was ten years older than I, as well. I worshipped her. So I can safely say that the baby will probably be delighted, too. A friend told me “tweens” tend to become little mommies. Too old for dolls and young for dates. Or, something like that. Anyway, a heartwarming, poignant story about siblings.
I love how your blog combines wit, common sense, candor and good advice. And oh what beautiful children! Keep on writing.