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Jennifer Margulis

Mothering Outside the Lines

Though You May Feel it Often, this Emotion is NOT Good for Your Health

January 3rd, 2011

Though you may indulge in it often, pipe smoking is NOT good for your health either

Though you may indulge in it often, pipe smoking is NOT good for your health either

To kick off the New Year here at Mothering Outside the Lines, we’ve been talking about relationships and how to improve them.

Ask a mom if things are going well in her marriage. Chances are, she’ll say yes.

Give her a glass of wine and ask her if she ever gets mad at her husband. Chances are she’ll snort the Chardonnay right out her nose.

When my friend Martha Brockenbrough wrote an article for Parenting (“Mad at Dad”) about moms and anger, it struck such a chord that it got the attention of New York Times.

But moms don’t just get mad at our spouses.

We get mad at our kids.

We get mad at our mothers.

We get mad at the driver who cuts us off at the stop light.

We get mad at ourselves.

“Sorry I’m late,” apologized the manager of the furniture shop, rushing in at 9:15 a.m., a plastic pharmacy bag dangling from her wrist. “I had to stop at the drugstore.”

“Sick?”

“No,” she rasped. “I was screaming so loudly at my kids this morning that I lost my voice.”

Anger. Rage. Fury. Ire. Wrath. Spleen. Petulance. The English language has dozens of words to describe an emotion that all of us feel keenly, whether we express it in a healthy way or not.

But is anger good for you?

Does anger have any health benefits?

To lead a healthy life is it better to express anger or suppress it?

There’s an abundance of health studies that suggest that anger is not good for your health. One University of North Carolina study, published in The Lancet, showed that men and women who possessed the most anger traits were as much as seven times more likely to develop coronary heart disease.

Another study of anger management in 54 married couples conducted by Dr. Sybil Carrère, a Research Assistant Professor in the Department of Family and Child Nursing at the University of Washington, similarly found that women who could not control their anger, or who got angry more frequently than they would have liked, had feelings of dissatisfaction in their marriages, higher heart beats, and more trouble decompressing physically after a bout of anger.

According to Carrère, this evidence suggests that women’s cardiovascular health could be jeopardized by frequent anger.

“I just feel clenched,” explains Natasha Pangburn of Eugene, Oregon, who stops talking and feels herself “shutting off” when she gets angry.

“If I’m really angry I just turn off. I get this tight feeling. I feel like people don’t understand me no matter how hard I try.”

Pangburn, who’s been trying to find ways to express her anger more overtly, believes that anger is harmful and makes intimate relationships strained.

“It creates a divide between me and other people,” she says.

“I have one client who is angry and has irritable bowel syndrome,” said an obstetric nurse who works in Brattleboro, Vermont. “This person is getting bleeding ulcers from the tension the anger creates.” This medical professional believes that people need to be encouraged to resolve their anger in order to help them lead healthier lives.

“As a health care practitioner, that’s one of the first things I focus on—what are you angry about? How can I help you with it? That’s my number one priority.”

Readers, what people or situations make you the most angry? What are some of the ways you deal with your anger?

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[ 12 comments ]

Octo-Mom’s Doctor On Trial

October 18th, 2010

I heard on National Public Radio (NPR) this morning that the doctor who implanted Nadeya Suleman (aka “Octomom”) with so many embryos is at a hearing this morning in Los Angeles.

The doctor, Michael Kamrava, has been accused of “gross negligence” by the Medical Board of California. According to an L.A. Times blog post that was updated just a few hours ago, the hearing “is expected to last at least a week and could determine whether Dr. Michael Kamrava’s medical license will be suspended or revoked.”

Dr. Kamrava was expelled last fall from the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), a professional organization that provides education and networking to its members and publishes a peer-reviewed journal on fertility.

“Certain of his actions did not comport with ASRM policies and guidelines,” said ASRM’s public affairs manager, Eleanor Nicoll, when I spoke to her earlier today. Nicoll said Kamrava’s expulsion was conducted in a hearing by telephone.

Nadeya Suleman was a single mother of six children when she gave birth to eight children, six boys and two girls, by C-section on January 26, 2009. Despite being a tabloid sensation (you can see pictures of her here posing in a bikini after losing 150 pounds, and with her eight children at their first birthday), she has been struggling financially ever since.

The ASRM has guidelines on their website about numbers of embryos that are safe to transplant.

Because “high-order” pregnancies (triplets or more) are associated with more complications to the mom and the babies, ASRM recommends, “For patients under the age of 35 … consideration should be given to transferring only a single embryo. No more than two embryos … should be transferred.”

By some accounts, Kamrava transferred a dozen embryos to Nadeya Suleman.

Raising children is a tremendously rewarding and challenging experience for most parents, who only have one at a time. To have eight children born prematurely all at the same time while you are single and financially destitute must be very difficult indeed.

Should the doctor who implanted Nadeya Suleman with so many embryos lose his license to practice? Is this an isolated case of medicine gone mad or is Kamrava’s unethical behavior indicative of a larger problem in America where fertility is becoming increasingly medicalized and monetized?

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[ 11 comments ]

Another Strike Against C-Sections

June 28th, 2010
A Team of Doctor Perform a C-section (the doctors are huddled around the woman's abdomen working to extract the baby, the mom's view is blocked by the blue barrier sheet)

A Team of Doctor Perform a C-section (the doctors are huddled around the woman's abdomen working to extract the baby, the mom's view is blocked by the blue barrier sheet)

I was at my friend A.’s birth two years ago. After laboring all day and well into the night, A. was getting exhausted. The fetal monitor showed that the baby’s heart beat was dropping during contractions and the labor nurses, who called the doctor (she was at home sleeping), were starting to act worried.

The doctor made the call: A. needed an “emergency” C-section.

The anesthesiologist, a handsome, kind man in his late 50s who all the happily married nurses had a crush on, allowed us to be in the operating room. So A.’s husband, her doula, and I were all present for an operation that was done competently and carefully, while A. was awake. Even though they put up a shield between the mother’s head and her belly so she couldn’t see that her abdomen was being cut open, they held up the baby for her to see soon after he was pulled out. The doctors gave him some oxygen, cleaned him up, wrapped him in a blanket and then nestled the baby next to his mom.

It was a beautiful operation and the baby was welcomed by many concerned loving hands.

But even when all goes well, there are many reasons to avoid having a C-section and it’s hard not to second guess this one.

What if the doctor–who had built a relationship of trust and love with her patient during the prenatal care–had come to the hospital and stayed with us for awhile? What if she had told my friend that everything was proceeding normally and that she was doing a good job and the baby would come in his own time before the monitor indicated there may have been a problem? What I mean is, what if the doctor had been present for more than just the radical intervention? And what if the nurses, instead of poking and prodding and monitoring, had given my friend some healthy food to eat, rubbed her back, and helped boost her confidence?

It was the middle of the night. We were all tired. But A.’s labor really was progressing well, the sensations were becoming more intense, and she was getting to that point that most women hit where she was feeling like she couldn’t get on top of the contractions. She was something like five centimeters dilated by then. With a little encouragement (and a lot less distracting and rather ridiculous monitoring), maybe my friend’s baby could have been born vaginally.

Just because cesareans are becoming more common does not mean they are a good thing.

“Cesarean is a life-saving surgery that has major risks and is being used routinely. That’s an oxymoron,” said Medford-based midwife and homebirth advocate Augustine Colebrook when I called her last week. “It’s being drastically overused and abused.”

This major abdominal surgery involves serious risks to the mom and the baby, putting the mother at risk for hemorrhage, infection, and organ damage. The incision is painful and takes time to heal, which means that most moms can’t lift their babies after having a C-section, many experience discomfort breastfeeding because when they try to hold their baby they have to make sure the position is not hurting a still weepy wound. Breastfeeding is also more difficult because the anesthesia used makes mother and baby sluggish and interferes with bonding. And women who have C-sections have a longer recovery time than after a vaginal birth.

My friend Katelyn, whose baby was born eleven years ago, still hasn’t fully recovered from the C-section birth. She had such uncomfortable bloating and gas after her son was born that she was miserable. She could barely get out of bed for days and she couldn’t drive for six weeks. Finding the transition to motherhood difficult, Katelyn was also scared to hold her son because she was sure she would drop the baby. To this day she has bowel difficulties that she feels certain are related to her son’s birth.

If C-sections are difficult for the mother, they’re also difficult for the baby. Studies have shown that babies born by C-section are at a higher risk for allergies, asthma, Type 1 Diabetes, fetal injury, and breathing problems, among other things. The squeezing action of a normal vaginal birth helps get liquid out of a neonate’s lungs. But babies born by C-section don’t get this benefit and are often at risk for respiratory distress. That’s what happened to my friend Nora’s baby. A scheduled C-section, the baby was much smaller than the doctors expected and one of his lungs collapsed. He had to be medically evacuated and he spent the first weeks of his life in the NICU in a hospital far from home. Babies born by C-section can also get bruised or cut from the operation, putting them at increased risk for hemorrhaging.

But there’s another reason to try to avoid a C-section if you possibly can: Last week researchers announced that babies born vaginally have very different bacteria on their bodies than babies born by C-section.

Though we think of bacteria as “bad,” we humans actually need to have lots of “beneficial bacteria” in our bodies. As a baby is born from the womb, he or she gets inoculated with his mother’s vaginal bacteria. This is a good thing and is thought to be protective.

But a baby born abdominally does not get the benefit of this inoculation. Instead of having her mother’s bacteria on her body, she has whatever bacteria she picks up in the hospital.

According to a Colorado University news article:

“Dominguez-Bello [one of the study co-authors] said the bacterial communities of C-section babies were dominated by species from the Staphylococcus genus, most of which are harmless but a few of which can cause severe infections. “These differences we are seeing in this study might be related with increased health risks in C-section babies, although more research is needed,” she said.

Previous studies indicate babies born via C-section can be more susceptible to certain pathogens, allergies and asthma than newborns born vaginally. The PNAS study results may help explain the higher incidence of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA, in C-section babies, a hard-to-treat bacterial infection that has been increasing in hospitals and clinics in recent years, according to the researchers.” [my emphasis.]

The study itself is published in the June 21 issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science (PNAS). You can read the abstract on-line here.

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[ 14 comments ]

Weird But Normal in Postpartum Women

January 2nd, 2010

Newborns are weird, postpartum women are too

Newborns are weird, postpartum women are too

My friend Michele finally came to pick up her dishes yesterday. She brought us a meal when Leone was just a few weeks old and her pots have been on our porch ever since.

Michele’s daughter is a freshman at Harvard.

“Enjoy this time,” Michele said. “It goes by so fast … She’s not a newborn anymore, you know.”

If Leone, who is almost two months old, is no longer a newborn, does that mean I’m no longer a postpartum woman?

Sometimes I find myself hobbling around, like I did the day after Leone was born, as if my body isn’t convinced that it’s all healed up.

For expecting moms and women just giving birth, here are some of the many weird but normal things to expect:

1. Lopsided breasts: When your milk comes in, your breasts may swell and harden like torpedos. Often one will be much bigger than the other (expect both to get huge).

2. Mood swings: If you had a difficult labor or if the birth did not go as planned, you may feel depressed, guilty, ashamed, or inadequate in the days and weeks after the baby is born. Or–especially if everything went smoothly–you may be elated, high on life, and madly in love with your baby and spouse. No matter how you feel just after the baby is born, your moods will oscillate wildly. Expect to go from ecstatic to miserable, often several times a day.

3. Sensitivity to smells: If your mother-in-law or a friend holds the baby and some perfume rubs off on the baby’s scalp, you may find yourself in a frenzy of disgust and upset. Your baby bonds to your smell and you to hers and you will find yourself sensitive to smells of all kinds.

4. Protectiveness: Some new moms don’t mind passing off the baby to friends and family to hold. With my first child, I found myself absolutely frantic with worry when anyone other than my husband held the baby. You’re hardwired to protect your baby and suddenly everyone and everything can feel like a threat.

5. Passing clots: One friend passed a blood clot the size of a fist and was sure she was hemorrhaging (she was fine). It’s no fun to bleed but remember all those months of not menstruating? Now you pay the price. If you have unusually heavy bleeding or fever or dizziness, call your doctor.

6. Irrational fears: The combination of exhaustion, changing hormones, sleep deprivation, and inexperience can make you terrified that something is wrong with the baby and irrationally scared at every new squeak, poop, and spit-up.

7. Conflicting emotions: You adore the baby but you feel put upon. You let someone watch her while you take a shower and then forget to wash the shampoo out of your hair because you miss her too much. You love your husband but you wish he’d go away. He leaves and you’re desperate for him to come back. You’re crying when you’re supposed to be happy. Postpartum women feel a lot of conflicting emotions.

8. Swollen labia and cauliflower-like hemorrhoids: Those nether regions are sore. “Oh girlfriend, your labia are hanging down to your ankles,” one nurse told a friend, “let’s get some ice on there quick.” If you have the baby vaginally, expect to be swollen and sore afterwards. And to have killer hemorrhoids. Ice packs, sitz baths, and eschewing toilet paper (use a spray bottle of water instead) all help.

9. Night sweats: A lot of liquid is leaving your body, via your breasts, your vagina, and also your pores. This doesn’t happen to everyone but if you wake up in a swimming pool of sweat, don’t worry. It’s weird but perfectly normal.

10. Ravenous hunger: It takes more calories to breastfeed than to grow a baby. Expect to be starving all the time.

11. Forgetfulness: When I emailed my friend in South Africa and asked her how life was in Australia, she said she’d only forgive me because I had “porridge brain.” Lots of research suggests that motherhood actually makes you smarter, but postpartum forgetfulness and aphasia (”Honey, could you take the diapers out of the d-d-d, whatever it’s called?”) are perfectly normal.

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[ 5 comments ]

It’s Not The Baby’s Fault That I Can’t Sleep

December 29th, 2009

This baby is a good sleeper but I'm not

This baby is a good sleeper but I'm not

It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m wide awake.

A post on sleep was not in the line-up for this week’s blogging but here I am in a pitch black 50 degree house and all the other topics I had planned to write about (weird but normal in postpartum women, how Cheri Huber stuck a gun in her stomach and pulled the trigger before she found Zen Buddhism, more on the philosophy behind going diaper free) feel irrelevant right now.

I remember my father having insomnia. From my room I would hear him go downstairs in the middle of the night and turn on the TV. His sister, my aunt, suffers from insomnia too. She wakes up several times a night to use the bathroom and often can’t go back to sleep. But my mom is a champion sleeper. So I guess insomnia only partly runs in the family.

The conventional thinking about insomnia is not to do what I am doing right now. You’re not supposed to look at the clock (I always do), turn lights on (how else can I see the clock?), conquer the dinner dishes (why not wash them since I can’t sleep anyway?), finish a work project (how bout that cloth diaper article I’m writing for Mothering? Or the new assignment for Fit Pregnancy?), or do anything that will wake your mind up when you can’t sleep.

All of that is considered bad sleep hygiene.

My name is Jennifer and I have bad sleep hygiene.

I woke up to nurse Leone. Then I changed her diaper (she did not want to pee in the chamber pot). She sucked on my pinky finger for a few minutes and went right back to sleep.

Listening to her breathing, I lay in bed quietly trying not to panic about being awake.

Me: Oh my god, I’ll never function tomorrow if I don’t go back to sleep… It’s bad for your health not to sleep…

Myself: Count your breaths, stop thinking about sleep.

Me: Why is the printer still on the fritz? Why hasn’t that new part for it come? First thing I’ll have to save that letter to Scot and the new contract to the jump drive and go the copy store to print them…

Myself: One, two, three–

Me (interrupting): I wonder if James remembered to take out the recycling? I’d better go check…

Myself: Four, five, six–

Me (interrupting): The FlyLady has a good idea about the 27-item blitz to declutter. Maybe I should try that right now. The shoe drawer is full of stuff we could get rid of…

Clearly it was time to get out of bed and wash the dishes.

What kind of challenges–if any–do you have with sleep? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

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[ 18 comments ]

A Baby Born on Wednesday, post 4

November 11th, 2009

Author’s note: Our new baby was born at home in our bedroom this past Wednesday without a birth attendant present. This week’s posts are the story of how we came to choose an unassisted birth and about the birth itself. The first installment is here. The second installment is here. The third installment is here. The final installment, about the labor itself, will be posted on Friday.
bathtowels

“So, who’s your midwife?” A friend asked.

“Oh, someone from out of town,” I heard myself lying into the phone.

“Have you chosen a midwife?” A mom from my daughters’ school wanted to know.

“Um, well, sure, yeah,” I hedged. “Hey, have you signed up to volunteer at the Winter Faire?”

It was my mother who asked the most urgent questions. She called James on the sly and told him to make sure we picked someone—anyone—as soon as possible. Away on a business trip close to my due date, she phoned from Puerto Rico to be sure we had a birth attendant.

“We found a midwife Mom,” I said. “A young woman who’s very competent. You have nothing to worry about. She’s great.”

“I’m. Just. So. Relieved.”

I hung up the phone and went into the kitchen.

“I think I just lied to my mother,” I said to James.

“You told her we had a midwife,” he laughed. “But you didn’t tell her the midwife was going to be at the birth.”

It had taken him a good four months but James had come around and actually seemed to be looking forward to the birth. He was as excited and impatient for us to be in labor as I was. And we really had identified a midwife in the Valley who supported our choice to have an unassisted birth and offered to be our “knowledgeable family friend,” willing to come over if we needed her, though not technically as a midwife (for which she could lose her certification) but just as a friend.

I told fewer than half a dozen people our plan for an unassisted birth. I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want people sending negative or fearful energy in our direction. I also found it trying to allay other people’s irrational fears.

“I’m not a hero,” I heard myself say several times, “I have nothing to prove … if something goes wrong or if there’s any reason that we need to, the hospital is a 2-minute drive from our house. I trust my body. I trust myself. I trust that I will know if something is wrong…”

I spent an hour on the phone reassuring my best friend that unassisted childbirth was safe. Sue wanted me to talk her through everything that could go wrong, so I did.

I told her what most people don’t know: that taking a shower is more dangerous and results in more deaths than having a baby, that driving in a car to the hospital is the most dangerous part of labor—besides what can go wrong because of hospital intervention—that large scientific studies most recently in Canada, but also in the United States, New Zealand, and Australia have all shown very clearly that homebirth is safer than hospital birth, and that there are women all over the United States having unassisted births, but because they fear social disapprobation and people’s irrational rage, they mostly keep it to themselves.

I suggested she read Heather Cushman Dowdee’s incredible cartoon about the unassisted birth of her son and look at Shauna Mama’s unbelievably moving and amazing photographs of herself catching her own baby during an unassisted birth.

I told her about Sarah J. Buckley, the Australian family physician, whose husband is also a doctor, who decided on an unassisted birth at age 40 with their fourth, a daughter who surprised them all by coming out breech (with no complications).

I also spent a lot of time preparing for the birth. I bought two kinds of “chux’s”: one package of disposable absorbent pads and one single chux made of cloth; I also bought ultra thick sanitary napkins and witch hazel (you put witch hazel on the napkins and put them in the freezer for after the birth); we had a handy man install a metal bar in our bathroom shower so I could lean against it during labor if I needed to; I drank loads of red raspberry tea, which is supposed to tone your uterus; I exercised every day; washed our cloth baby diapers; cooked and froze a huge batch of burritos; and started being obsessive about keeping the bathroom—where I expected I’d be laboring a lot of the time—clean and tidy. My friend Jenny leant me an herbal tonic to stop post partum hemorrhage and I asked friends to be on stand by to drive the kids home from school (Athena and Etani both wanted to see the birth) or pick them up from after school activities.

But most importantly I spent quiet time every day imaging the kind of birth I wanted us to have, relaxing, and meditating. If you know me in real life, you know that I’m not much for relaxing and I tend to dismiss the hooey-wooey stuff that people in Ashland like so much. I usually don’t have the patience for baths or the concentration for meditation but I’m trying to change that. To prepare for this birth I made myself slow down. I lit candles and sat in the tub and practiced making “aahh” and “oohh” noises, thinking about the baby moving through my body, being gently squeezed by contractions.

“I will have an easy, gentle birth,” I told myself every day. “I can do this.”

“My body is strong,” “The birth will be fun,” “I will keep a sense of humor,” “James and I will catch our baby,” “Contractions are an interesting sensation to pay attention to,” “This will be an easy, gentle birth.”

I said these things over and over to myself and made myself believe them. But here’s the truth: I wanted to have an unassisted birth more than anything and I couldn’t wait to go into labor but there was a small person in the back of my mind who thought I was asking for too much and was secretly terrified that something would go wrong.

Cartoon courtesy of Heather Cushman-Dowdee.

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[ 8 comments ]

If You’re Pregnant, The Swine Flu Vaccine May Not Be Safe

November 4th, 2009

ConfusedPregnantWomanThe Washington Post reported in early October that 28 pregnant women have died of the swine flu and the CDC specifies that pregnant women are at higher risk of death if they catch the swine flu, especially in the third trimester. An article in the November 3, 2009 British newspaper, the Telegraph, reiterates that pregnant women are at a proportionately high risk of having severe health problems from the swine flu.

My father-in-law, who reads these kinds of mainstream newspapers and Web sites, has been so disturbed by the increased risk to pregnant women that he’s been calling my husband to make sure I’m okay.

“I got my swine flu shot today,” he told James. “Jennifer going to get one?”

The answer is no. I’m one of the pregnant women criticized in articles like this one from from WebMD who are wary of the swine flu vaccine and have decided not to get the shot.

Citing a new survey that shows that only one in four pregnant women plan to get vaccinated against H1N1, this WebMD article laments that so many pregnant women have “confusion” about the risks of the vaccine and then dismisses the concern that the vaccine might cause adverse reactions, claiming that “… researchers say the H1N1 vaccine is made the same way as the seasonal flu shot and has been found in clinical studies to be safe and effective at producing an immune response in healthy adults.”

But there are several compelling reasons why pregnant women should not run to the nearest pharmacy and get vaccinated.

Just ask Vicky Debold, an RN with a Ph.D. in Public Health who is also the Director of Research and Patient Safety at the National Vaccine Information Center. DeBold believes pregnant women should be wary about the swine flu vaccine, though when she wrote a response to a pro-vaccine op-ed by Paul Offit (a vocal spokesperson in favor of vaccines who also developed and co-owns the patent on one of the newest vaccines mandated on the CDC schedule for children), the New York Times did not publish it.

Bottom line: Debold argues that there is not enough information about the effect of the vaccine on pregnant women and their fetuses for anyone to claim that it is safe.

1) The vaccine has not been adequately tested on pregnant women: The NIH’s H1N1 pregnancy trial began less than two months ago (in September) and includes only 120 women. We have no results from this trial to date but, according to Debold, we do know that an earlier 1997-2002 seasonal influenza vaccine study of over 49,000 pregnant women showed that vaccination did not reduce influenza-related hospital admissions or doctor visits. At the same time, the influenza vaccine package inserts explain that animal reproductive tests have not been conducted on the vaccine and the potential harm to fetuses is unknown.

2) The H1N1 vaccine contains thimerosal, a mercury compound known to be a fetal toxin: There are two versions of the vaccine, one that contains 25 mcg of thimerosal and one that does not. Although pregnant women can request the thimerosal-free vaccine, it is harder to find. If you do not specifically ask to be given the vaccine without thimerosal, chances are you will be injecting a known neurotoxin into your blood stream.

3) There is no real data about the evidence of the effectiveness of the vaccine: Risk assessment is a tricky business. Some people—like me—believe we should take the risk of contracting a wild virus found in human populations over the risk of potential damage done by a pharmaceutical product that makes money for big business and doctors. Other people—most of American society—believe the opposite. But I wonder why anyone would choose to be injected with a pharmaceutical product that has not been adequately tested and very well may not work.

4) Health officials are assuming that the H1N1 vaccine is “as safe as the seasonal flu vaccine,” but this assumption may simply be wrong: The H1N1 virus is behaving differently than the usual seasonal flu viruses, so we cannot assume that the H1N1 vaccine will provoke the same reactions in different people as the seasonal flu vaccine. Debold isn’t buying this unsubstantiated assumption. I’m not either.

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[ 16 comments ]






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