Internet And Kids

Dear parent,

I have raised my children without TV, and they got internet in the late teen years, when their social connections and awareness of society required it. 

Essentially I see two possibilities one is surrender and the other is assert. I personally would do the second one.

• By surrender I mean making peace with this reality and finding ways to create some balance. You can ask the boy to use the computer behind a closed door, and do most of it when your children are busy, when they play outside, or when you take them out somewhere. 

You can also discuss with the boy the harm to his eyes and his health, from hours of sitting in front of the screen. It harms his eyes, and his body. You can offer other fun things to do and engage him away from the computer. You can plan outings with the whole family: camping, hikes, kayaks and visiting with friends. And, you can ask you husband to spend time with his son away from the screen. This will not solve the problem, but reduce the intensity of it.

• The second possibility is to decide what you want and do it. Your husband does not have more say than you. Why should your children not be raised optimally according to  your choice? Right now you say, “My children are exposed to too much media because my husband wants his son to come often and the boy uses the computer...?” Why shouldn’t your husband be the one saying, “I wish my son came more often, but since we don’t offer computers and TV in our house, he prefers to be more at his mom’s?”

The boy may or may not reduce his visits (he may even feel relief and learn to cherish time away from the screen.) But if he does, then so be it. I would suggest that his father spend one-one-one quality time with him, so he comes to be with his father rather than to sit at the computer. Your husband can also visit his son instead, or spend time with him away from home. Seducing the boy to be in the house while busy by himself with media, seems to miss the point of being with his father and with the family. 

This second choice is what I would do because I am known to be a “fierce” mother who does not compromise the children. There is nothing that would get me to expose my children to something I think may be harmful to them, not even my husband’s child’s desires. My own husband had to refrain from bringing junk food into the house. Too often I see mothers saying, “my husband won’t let me...” You can create reality and let your husband say, “My wife won’t let my son use the computer.” The consequence may open the gate to a stronger father son relationship and protect your marriage and your children.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html