Husband Against a Second Child and Living in the Country

Dear Parent,

I keep getting questions from mothers who believe they must surrender to their husbands. Why would your husband have more say than you do? Why do you live where he wants? Why have the number of children that he wants? What about you?

What about your child?

I do not suggest that we move from male dictatorship to female dictatorship. My direction is one in which no one dominates and no one succumbs. 

Listen to your husband and see where he is right. This does not mean that you do what he says. He may be right about it being too difficult to have another baby now. With a new baby your son will lose much of your care. Waiting till he is seven or older, will make it much more peaceful. So you can have another child and at the same time consider the value of your husband’s observation. You are putting a lot of love and care into your child and he is not ready to have less. We never know what kind of baby will be born and how much of our time will be needed. This is an example where instead of fighting for your want, you let time pass till the choice is more likely to be peaceful and unified.

Cities are adults’ playground. They are not meant for children. Many cities try to provide play areas and other child friendly spaces, but this means that you have to get out of the house in order to provide sun and physical outdoor space which becomes very difficult with two wee ones.  As children mature and become pre-teens and teenagers, the city can often become the place where they can thrive, finding life-learning opportunities. Therefore, it is a balance of timing and priorities. 

Women can say, “I can’t do this because my husband won’t let me.” Or, men can say,
“I can’t have this because my wife won’t let me.” Neither of these options bring peace and growth. I suggest communicating, either with a third party, or with me on the phone,

to reach decisions that honor every member of the family. Inequality is most likely to cause resentment and strife. As couples, we must find a common goal that is larger than our wants.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/