How much do I need to play with my son?

Dear Anna,

You don’t say what age your child is. It is important that you respond to his need. However, if his preference to be with you is the result of you being his playmate or entertainer, he may feel unable to play any other way. 

Giving attention must be authentic. If you are being the doggy in his pretend game, or building what he wants you to build from blocks, he can grow dependent on such “entertainment” and cease to be able to generate his own play. Do with him what is authentic for you. I liked to read and sing to my children, watch them play and dance, play ball or board games with them or go for hikes. I was not another “child” playmate.

If you are not being a “playmate,” then keep playing with him. At the same time, do things side by side, where he does his own thing while you do your own next to him. Even a few minutes every now and then will nurture his trust in his own ability to engage himself.

Not knowing this child’s age or his siblings ages, I cannot be sure how much they can play together in a way that is satisfying. I could help more in a phone conversation with more exchange of information.

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com