My Child is Bullied

Dear Parent, 

If my child is hit once, I never bring him back to be with the offender or the setup that brings on the hitting. Ideally, your child should not associate with children who hit him

unless the problem is effectively taken care of. Would you go back to spend time with a group of people who hurt you physically or emotionally? 

Your son will benefit from socializing with adults who love him, and play with one kind friend who respects him. If you can homeschool and if you can avoid the playground when it is full of children, you will empower your child to make life work for himself and to respect his own body. What you want him to learn is, “If someone hurts me, I take care of myself and go elsewhere.”

When you bring him back to places where children hurt him, he is learning to submit himself and to return to be mistreated. Since he relies on you, he also assumes that

it is his failure to manage the hitting because, “Mommy keeps bringing me here.” Talking with him about it teaches more of, “Something is wrong with me; I should learn to do something about the hitting and I can’t.”

Help your child feel powerful enough that he knows, “I don’t deserve to be hit. I am not going there again.” Help him seek and accept only friends with whom he is safe from hurt

and having a good time. 

Some parents in similar situations say to me, “But, my child must go to school,” or, “There is no other playground.” I personally never hold any circumstance as a “must.” I see life as kind and possibilities as open and endless. But if you do not see a way not to take your child back to school or other social settings, then do stand up for him, or remove him before he is hit so he can learn to remove himself from being mistreated. In this way, if he does want to play with these kids, he will face reality and have to decide how to be with them in a way that does not bring up hitting. If he would rather not associate with them and would love to avoid school: it is your job to respect his body and soul by bringing him to be with children and people who respect him.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/