Attachment Parenting and God's Way

Dear Parent,

There are no two ways but one. When you use compassion, listening and kind communication, the child grows in power and self-discipline as well as in joy and love. Forcing ideas and virtues through teaching is actually not as effective and can be harmful. Many children feel controlled when we try to teach them anything that isn’t maturing in them naturally. When, instead, we model the virtues we want to pass on, the child will take them on authentically, at her own pace (God’s pace.) God didn’t goof. When cared for the way of nature/God, children are designed to mature into magnificent, loving, powerful and capable people.

For example, validation of emotions empowers the child. When she cries over an an unavoidable disappointment and you don’t compensate but simply listen and validate, she learns to see herself as having the emotional strength to move on when things don’t go her way. She learns that she has the power to handle emotions and tough situations. She learns that life doesn’t always hands her whatever she wants, and when it doesn’t, she can handle it. That’s power. 

Self-control means suppressing one’s emotions which is not healthy and not powerful. Self-discipline is the ability to be in charge of oneself, learn to study, to avoid delusional habits, and to restrain oneself when faced with uncaring or unhealthy seductions. A happy, loved, content and well connected child will have such powers.

it seems to me that all that is left is for you to embrace unity and let go of form and dogma in favor of love. Character and virtue mature as the result of trust, respect and love.  

When you teach, moralize, and tell children how to be, they only learn to obey instead of be authentic, and unfortunately, they also learn to tell others what to do, and how to be; as that’s what you are doing to them. Since attachment and kind connection already provides all that you are looking for, why not use it? Responding to the child with kindness is God’s way. 

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com