Is This Getting Dressed Game Manipulative?

Ask the Experts

Naomi Aldort

Dear Naomi, I've been playing a new game with my two years old toddler in an effort to make her time getting dressed easier for both of us. I begin the game by dramatically declaring, "no clothes, no shoes, no diapers, nothing!" and then she, laughing the whole time, insists on getting dressed. The more dramatically I protest, the more she laughs and gets dressed. It's been incredibly effective, but the more I consider it, the more I wonder if this will be more harmful than helpful. She's enjoying herself and I enjoy myself too. I find I'm not impatient and I am more playful. But is this manipulation? I've read your book, I listen to your CDs on Raising Children thru Attachment Parenting often and I want to parent authentically. I worry, while this is a good time for us, its not good for us. Could you share your thoughts please? Thank you, A concerned mama

Dear Concerned Mama,

Your daughter is fortunate to have such an aware mama. Yes, playing this game manipulates her to do what you want her to do, but can be harmless and joyful if you play it honestly. I wonder what is the problem that prompted you to create this game. What is difficult about dressing your child? Does she prefer to go without clothes? Are her clothes comfortable for her and to her taste?

I suggest that you let go of dressing her whenever possible. She can go without clothes in the house (in diaper if needed,) she can stay in pajamas if she likes, or you can dress her with whatever she is excited about. Make sure her clothes are comfortable, from natural fabric and of colors she loves.

At the same time, if she likes her clothes and wants to be dressed, you can clarify that it is a game and take much of the manipulation aspect out of it. Your child most likely knows you are playing. Clarify the truth by saying, “Shall we play the game that I pretend I don’t want you to dress and you dress anyway?” If she loves it she will say “yes,” and you can go on playing. Or, she may scream and tell you not to say that. If she does, you can be sure that she has not been fooled. She knows its a game and does not want you to ruin the illusion. In this case it is not a big dea.

If you prefer, you can stop the game and find out how to honestly meet her needs in regards to dressing. Most wee ones would rather run around naked.

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Is This Getting Dressed Game Manipulative?

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