How To Respond To A Screaming Child

Dear Parent,

Your question is missing one most important information: Why is your child screaming?

Can the reason be eliminated? A child screams violently when feeling utterly helpless, hopeless and desperate. We, parents, are always responsible to the situations we put the child through. If he is screaming, his desperation tells us that we have created a great disharmony in the child’s life, either by restricting, or by teaching him that he must always get his way. Therefore, first look to alleviate the reason. See my other posts on tantrums like this one (there is a few:) http://mothering.com/handling-tantrums

If your child is screaming for something he wants that is not possible and the setup was not avoidable, then look at how you taught him that he must always get his way, and that not getting his way is a huge calamity. He learned this concept through experience. We teach such a concept unintentionally when we rush to fix everything and when we panic when things don’t go the child’s way or our way. 

Therefore, depending on the cause, you are either too controlling, or, you have taught your child that he has no emotional strength to face things not going his way. In the first case, my advice is to take responsibility and not give your child causes to scream desperately including avoiding setups that don’t fit his direction. Examples of setups to avoid: If your child gets frustrated in the store because you won’t buy him a treat, don’t take him shopping as it is too hard for him. Or, if your child rages when playing with peers, don’t bring him to play with peers. Honor your child’s developmental stage and natural inclinations.

If your situation is the second possibility, (he learned that he must get his way) then be with him when he scream; stay connected and peaceful. And, explore the ways in which you showed him that life must go one’s way. Do you rush to fix? Do you get upset if you spilled something? Do you fret if you have a flat tire or if your partner is late? Children are our mirror, so check the source. Even wanting your children to be happy all the time is a modeling of wanting to have life be your way.

There are a few directions you can take. I would love to speak with you in person and resolve the source of this dynamic between your and your child. If you wish to do that, you can sign up for a phone session here: http://authenticparent.com/guidance.html

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html