Won't Stay in Class Without Mommy

Dear Parent,

Listen to your child’s heart-breaking sobs and respond freely and kindly. The only reason you doubt yourself is due to comments from other people. Without common advice, you know what to do. People may say that your child needs to get used to separation, or that if he quits the class he will learn to stop things in the middle or other ideas that confuse you. None of these are true. Parenting is indeed simple when you listen to your child and not to other voices.

If your child wants you to stay with him: Do. Why not? Because of cultural beliefs? What do those have to do with the truth in your child’s heart? What about your natural drive to respond with love? If he loves the class, stay with him. If the teacher doesn’t want you to say, then he is not ready for this activity. He loves being with you much more. Generally, we have been pushing children into group classes and activities way too young. He doesn’t need it. 

Even thought he looks like he likes it; he may or may not. He may be trying to please you by looking happy and engaged because he sees that you think it is a wonderful thing for him. Or he may assume that he is supposed to enjoy himself. Or he may like it some, but overall would rather not go. 

Let him know that the class does not matter so he can truly choose freely. Before next class (I assume it is once a week) ask him, “Would you like to go to the nature class tomorrow?” Reassure him, “You don’t have to go. Go only if you really love it and I will stay with you.” The better test is to not mention it. If he doesn’t remind you and it passes with no remark, it is probably not a high priority for him. Take him only if he insists on going to the class without being reminded and stay with him. 

Most well attached young children don’t want classes or separation from mom. If he stops taking the class, he will learn kindness, connection, love, flexibility and honesty. He will learn that love is more important than some class and that how he feels inside counts. Well attached children are just that: well attached. They don’t follow the cultural “separating from mom” dogma. They want what they need and what they deserve. Celebrate your child’s healthy bond with you and respond to him on his terms, so he learns to trust you and to rely on his own inner guide.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com