OK...here's the thing...I know others have started similar threads, but I guess I need to start my own to unload a bit and hopefully get my own encouragements and advice. My mother was not abusive in a way that most of society would view abusive. She is a woman that believes very strongly that spanking is necessary in raising children. We were spanked quite frequently and in many different ways. In my memories she was always kindof annoyed with my sister and I (I think she really had/still has her own issues) She yelled a lot too. (We are actually pretty close now and she is very accepting of our choices, except in discipline)
The point is that I swore when our first dd was born to NEVER be like her, never spank, never yell, etc...
For the past couple of years I have been dealing with a VERY strong willed child, now 4. The older she gets, the harder it seems to be for me to be the mother I want to be, and there have been too many times for me that my mother starts to come out. I find myself yelling at times. Worst of all, yesterday I made the mistake of hugging her close during a major tantrum. She bit my on my cheekbone (small but painful). Without even thinking I pulled back and slapped her across the face. How humiliating for her!!! I am so ashamed of myself! That was my mom! Of course later that night when dd told her about it she was proud of me. That made me feel even worse.
I spend much of the day reminding myself what I want to be like. Yet, in the heat of things it often flies out to let my mom come in, I think that my husband and I (regardless of our positive efforts) have created what dd has become by the times when our mothers come out of us. But now it seems like it's all a vicious cycle spinning downwards!!!
I don't want my dd to look at me the way I looked at my mom and I definitely do not want to hurt her.
Tina
:
The point is that I swore when our first dd was born to NEVER be like her, never spank, never yell, etc...
For the past couple of years I have been dealing with a VERY strong willed child, now 4. The older she gets, the harder it seems to be for me to be the mother I want to be, and there have been too many times for me that my mother starts to come out. I find myself yelling at times. Worst of all, yesterday I made the mistake of hugging her close during a major tantrum. She bit my on my cheekbone (small but painful). Without even thinking I pulled back and slapped her across the face. How humiliating for her!!! I am so ashamed of myself! That was my mom! Of course later that night when dd told her about it she was proud of me. That made me feel even worse.
I spend much of the day reminding myself what I want to be like. Yet, in the heat of things it often flies out to let my mom come in, I think that my husband and I (regardless of our positive efforts) have created what dd has become by the times when our mothers come out of us. But now it seems like it's all a vicious cycle spinning downwards!!!
I don't want my dd to look at me the way I looked at my mom and I definitely do not want to hurt her.
Tina