Moms of Many it's November

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Originally Posted by Anglyn

I think I skipped October online completely! We've been super busy! My 18 year old has his truck break down, now I owe money for that. We went to no less than five halloween parties/fall festivals. Dance class for dd. Sick kids. Football for my 18 year old dn that lives with us. We did get to go see Walking with Dinosaurs and that was really fun. Ive been really busy with school and today we had a water main burst. The fun never ends! Plus I have a new addiction, the anita blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton and I find that I use up all my spare time reading now days!

My biggest sad thing is that the ONE mom I know who has kids my LO's ages and likes me and I like her and we are both AP and homeschool etc (we are living the same life, lol). We are no longer invited over because my four year old ds got naked with her three year old dd. According to her kids, my ds told her kids to lick each others butts. According to my six year old dd thats accurate, because they were playing dogs and the other boy was already sniffing everyones butts. But my friend says her children were violated so we can't go over anymore. So now my kids have no friends again. I know they were never alone more than a few minutes at a time because when that bedroom door shut, I went back to the room, opened it and told them all to get dressed. (They had been playing in the hose and came inside to change, so they all stripped first, this was a common occurrence). Ironically, that same child, my four year old ds, is the most modest child I have! He makes everyone leave the room so he can change or pee and the other day when a little girl was changing clothes out in the open at dance class, he covered his eyes.

Did everyone remember to fall back?

I think I would totally be understanding of that situation...only because my old neighbor shared a similiar story that happened with her son........(also involving the dog) They had just recently taken the dog to the vet and her son stayed to watch as the dog's temp was taken rectally. Her son(6 at the time) was absolutely amazed at the fact that there was a "hole" there. His mom had to explain what that hole was used for and that we ALL have one. Well, not long after this, her son was playing with his friend next door...when he was excited to share his new information about the "butt hole". The parents walked in just as her son proceeded to pull down his pants to show his friend where it could be found!!! Yikes! Shocking, yes. But still so totally innocent. I hope that you explain the situation with your friend so that your little one can play again. Sometimes it just takes a little while for the shock to wear off and your AP friend may come to laugh about this all later!

[fairymom]

Still here....just going w/what life brings us. Looks like I may have to find a new school for dd10 and ds15- their school is struggling financially and may close next week - but really we won't know till the end of this week! Nothing like short notice.

Getting married in 10 days...not planning much of anything so hopefully it'll be nice and relaxed and unstressed for all!

I am so hoping thngs are calmer after this month- at this point I am ready to pack everyone up and run away to a little cabin in the woods somewhere!

[Multimomma]

Every month I have this problem...it didn't occur to me to that there would be a new thread

We're doing pretty good. An 80 foot tree fell from our neighbors yard into our house, and it's being removed today. I'm trying to keep two hyperactive boys in the house and away from their fancy equipment, and autistigirl is freaking out due to the noise of three chainsaws running at once.

I've written off any sort of table work for the day, not that I'm particularly married to it, but the girls are getting old enough that they usually enjoy an hour or two. It's interesting moving from unschooling into homeschooling as the kids get older.

[rajahkat]

Anglyn,

I'm sorry you're having a situation with your friend. I think it's irresponsible on her part to throw around the word "violated" so frivilously. Especially concerning the ages of the children involved. When I was 5 I got caught with a little boy playing doctor with tinker toys, much the way thankfulforfive described. It's normal for kids to be curious, and I think we run into trouble when we start shaming our kids for these things. Frankly I'm really surprised that she reacted the way she did, but I guess it's easier to be overprotective and reactionary when your kid is the younger one or not the one seen to be initiating. These things have a way to come back and bite us in the butt as parents though, so it's just a matter of time until it is her kid initiating and then she'll have a little more perspective. Until then, I hope you guys come to some sort of resolution.

Kat

[pixiekisses]

Thanks, mamas.
It's very good to be home again, and I just really hope she recovers fully now, with no more complications.
For now, having the nurses here are even working out well.

Originally Posted by flapjack

Pixie, I'm glad L'il Miss is back with you and fought through. She's a special little lass, is that one.

Thank you, so much, this really touched me.

[annettemarie]

That's great, pixie.

I don't know if it's the full moon or hormones or what, but I am feeling homicidally out of balance today. Angry, weepy, sad, anxious. We need to leave in ten minutes for dentist appointments, and then if they can behave, we'll grab lunch at Wendy's. I'm hoping a change of scene will help.

[SeekingSerenity]

AM: Huge !!! Try not to dismember too many irritating people. One or two is okay, though - you can certainly be forgiven.

Thankful: I remember when my oldest child (now 14) was 5, she came home and was talking about having played a version of what you were describing with the neighbor boy. I didn't find it to be an issue until she mentioned that he tried to "put his pee-pee between my butt cheeks." Now THAT had to be addressed. Basically, me and other mom sat down with the 5-year olds and explained to them what was appropriate and what was not. I don't feel that it would have been the correct reaction to never let them play together again or scream that my daughter had been violated. For one thing, she recognized that he wasn't supposed to do that, and although they'd been comparing anatomical arrangements, until that point there'd been no touching. We obviously made the rule that if we were playing together, we must keep our clothing on. And we also laid down the rules for respecting each other's bodies and NOT involving our private parts in games... etc. I think if I'd have tried to shame the little boy, or the other mom had tried to shame my daughter, it would have had negative repercussions on both children. As it turned out, the little boy was embarrassed anyway, and we had to assure him that since it was all innocent he wasn't in trouble, we just needed him to know that it should not happen again. It turned out okay, I think. This age is very common for kids to start being curious about theirs and other's bodies.

But of course, this is just my opinion. I am really weird about other things, probably, however I don't see this as a huge issue.

Oh the weather has been amazing here the past few days!!! Mid-70s, clear and sunny, perfectly heavenly. We spend a good amount of time playing outside each day. I think today we'll walk to the empty lot across the street and look for leaves and stones. The kids love that stuff and I think it qualifies as part of school... heh! They can do their worksheets outside today too.

As for now... off to start some laundry! That... NEVER... ends.

[mataji4]

My son, when he was 5 (notice a similiarity in the ages of children involved in these incidences? As if there was a developmental connection??), was "kicked out" of a homeschool support program (he took 9 hours of classes there a week) because he and a little girl had asked to go to the bathroom together and were found with their pants down. The little girl's mother was furious, and although the teacher thought it was innocent, my son was asked to leave the program.

Then when he was in third grade he and a friend tackled the friend's sister on the playground and were prodding her with wood chips. Yes, lovely game. But the incident was cited in school reports as "sexual harassment." "Sibling harassment" would have been accurate.

I think our society is quick to jump on boys for behaviors that is developmentally normal (been through the foster parent training on this, so feel comfortable with the boundaries here) for a particular age. The shame is awful. So many women have been "violated" by a man sexually, so I think the importance of teaching healthy body behavior and boundaries needs to be emphasized instead of judging young boys as if they were men doing those things.

off the soap box now...that stuff really bothers me as a mom of three boys...

I'm feeling frustrated. I'm trying to figure out about the another baby thing, still. Now I'm thinking we should wait a year. I've never decided this with any rationality before, so it's foreign territory! Once I look at the question rationally, I'll never do it! If I look at our house, at our finances, at what my mother will say, at reactions and lack of support from my in-laws...ugh. I'm feeling discouraged. And my dh, whose always trying to seduce me with suggestions of conception (wierdo!), has now decided to totally avoid me during my fertile time. I'm so confused. I know I mention this frequently, so you don't have to respond. I don't have friends to talk to IRL as they all just think I'm crazy or say something like "to each his own." that's SO helpful!

Yeah pixie!! it must feel SO good to be home.

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by mataji4

...The little girl's mother was furious, and although the teacher thought it was innocent, my son was asked to leave the program.

... I think the importance of teaching healthy body behavior and boundaries needs to be emphasized instead of judging young boys as if they were men doing those things.

What about the little girl? If the two were in there together, then it doesn't sound to me like your son was instigating anything. Unless they are taught the distinction, boys this age just don't usually have the capacity to "sexually harass" a little girl. At age 5 or 6, children are pretty universally asexual. They notice the physical differences and want to compare, that's all.

And that of course goes to the treatment of little boys like they were young men. It doesn't make any sense to believe that a 5-year old boy is terrorizing a 5-year old girl because he wants to see how she's different than he is. Especially because the girls are usually just as curious as the boys.

When my daughter had the incident with her friend, upon bringing it to the boy's mom's attention, the mom's first reaction was defensiveness, but I immediately made sure she understood I wasn't blaming her boy. I let her know we should talk to them together, and equally, about boundaries and what was acceptable in play. I did not believe her son was any more at fault than my daughter. A mother of a boy in this day and age, though, her first thought was that I was irate that her son had assaulted or accosted my daughter. My only boy at the time was just three, so I couldn't really relate yet, but I do now. However, I did understand that neither child had really done anything wrong.

Ah well. Unfortunately this is the world we live in.

On a happier note, my kids decorated pine cones to use as Christmas tree ornaments yesterday. We spread glue on the (bristles? leaves? flat things?) and then sprinkled glitter on it, and today I will spray them with a glossy finish. They had a blast and I still have glitter bits in my hair. Today we're taking a walk to the vacant lot across the street to look for leaves and stones. We were going to do that yesterday but I didn't have the stroller for Lil'Man.

And of course they are anxiously awaiting the shipment from Oriental Trading Company that has their ornament kits and sticker scenes in it. That should keep them occupied for all of half an afternoon. Gotta love those short attention spans! Then again, with DS being an Aspie, he could utterly fixate on one of the projects and never wanna stop. It doesn't involve numbers or letters, though, so probably not.

AM - are you feeling better today? Less homicidal, maybe?

[annettemarie]

That's awesome that you're thinking of Christmas already!

I'm feeling less homicidal, but I yelled at everyone and it cleared the air, LOL! Honestly, though, sometimes I feel like I should just leave. No one listens and no one cares, so why am I here? But then I come to my sense.

I'm feeling crampy, too, so I wonder if I'm PMSing on top of it all.

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I'm feeling less homicidal, but I yelled at everyone and it cleared the air, LOL!

When I only had two and they were under 5, I had a neighbour who had 4 children from 12 to 4. We were friends and I was in awe of how she managed with 'all' of them! I was only in my early twenties and she seemed so wise

I used to hear her yelling from across the street every now and then and she was happy to tell me that yelling at least once a fortnight kept everyone in check and kept her from going nuts.

[rajahkat]

I made some fleece slippers today. And I'm really happy with how they came out considering I was just winging it and flying without a pattern. I had a bit of black fleece left over from making Banyan's death eater halloween costume.

That in itself cracked me up because he needed some "wizard's robes" for the costume & I figured black fleece would be perfect to keep him warm & everything. So I sewed it up and then Alder & Cedar were like "you made him a snuggie!, WE want snuggies!" Snort.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year too, and have already been caught listening to the holiday music channel & knitting up little mini scarves for ornaments.

Dh comes home tonight from a work trip so I may even do my Christmas shopping this weekend.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

I'm cracking up about the "snuggies" ....they are quite the rage this year! I think I'll take your post as an inspiration and make my girls some! How hard can it be, right?
Oh, and the pine-cone decorating...thanks for the reminder...I had forgotten all the fun little crafts with the little ones since the other kids have gotten too big and "cool" for me...I think we'll go make the pine-cone bird feeders today! I need some something fun to do to keep me from watching the news...

[SeekingSerenity]

Snuggies... LOL! It seems like every year there's another "As Seen On TV" goofball fad that so many people just have to get. Last year wasn't it the ShamWow? I still tease my sister about that because she and her DH jumped straight on that bandwagon and ended up with about 200 of those things. I ask her if she dries her boat with them or uses them as bath-mats. ROFL!! She even gave me one, instructing me that I can cut it in half if I need to, and I still have it folded up in my drawer. It's a synthetic chamois, for heaven's sake. In an obnoxious, ugly orange color, no less.

So this year it's a Snuggie. DD has already asked for one, in a zebra print. Yeah... I don't think I will be paying $20 for a blanket with arm-holes.

She is only 4 and has totally become a victim of children-targeted commercialism. She wants everything she sees on TV. DS will go in the bedroom and turn on Nick, to watch Dora (this is me, clawing at my face in angst - Goddess please save me from DORA) and DD lives for those toy commercials. "I want THAT, mama! Maybe for Christmas, okay???" Now she thinks she actually IS getting all of that. Here I am opting for natural, wooden toys and games, books and crafts, and she wants Barbie houses, Puppy in my Pocket, some horse that changes color in water, expensive (plastic) make-up vanities, and Moon Sand kits. Oh, and Playdoh ice cream parlors. Also every Disney Princess castle (I think there is 4 or 5 of them) with all the accessories.

DS has more simple tastes. He just wants an HP laptop with a wireless printer. (He's 6.)

I got frustrated after the 614th time of telling DD she cannot have everything she sees on TV and asked DH what he expected - a new pickup truck or perhaps a 72" TV set for his room?? He shook his head and said he'd be fine with a new Mustang Shelby. ***sigh***

I want twice-weekly maid service with laundry included.

Thankful - the news is pretty dang depressing, I have to agree. My DH works on Ft. Hood and he'll probably be getting off early today because they're pretty much closing the post for memorial observances. He was there for 3 hours past his usual working time on lock-down yesterday and found out they're not giving overtime for it. I had a total of 5 relatives including DH on post yesterday - well, one was at home sick, and one was out of town. The other 3 are fine though (2 are civilians, only one MIGHT have been at the SPF, but I don't think she's deploying soon so thankfully she wasn't there). It's been a madhouse around these parts. We had sirens going off and every emergency vehicle in the region screaming down the highway for hours. The rumors going around were crazy. The news was reporting shots fired OFF post, hostage situations, gunmen on the loose and everything, it was just surreal.

On that note... for those affected by the shooting. It's sad when our protectors aren't even safe on their own base.

[mataji4]

Don't flame me, but I'm always confused when I hear parents complaining so much about the effects of t.v. on their kids. Why let them watch t.v. if you don't like how it effects them? I find it so much easier to deal with my kids and keep them happy without t.v.- it causes so much anxiety, like it's addictive, in my kids when I've let them watch pbs before. They just play. My older son draws and listens to music a lot, and he gets a little computer time (15 min a day) for looking at fishing websites. I let them watch a movie every once in a while- we watched Willie Wonka and had hot chocolate last week.

I LOVE Christmas. If I have another girl ever I want to name her Noelle. I had two boys right on either side of Christmas, so it's a full season! We get into Advent at our house- we bake cookies during the day and recite advent verses and light the candles at night. I volunteer at my kids' Waldorf school helping with the Winter Faire, and I'm in charge of the store. We have the best vendors this year and I am going to have to be really really careful not to abuse my credit card!! There's an family owned company from England that makes the sweetest wooden wands, bows, swords. They are so well priced too, just saw them today and I'm so excited! I am making embroidered pillowcases for the kids for small pillows- that's the main gift for my kids. Usually it's Santa that brings some toys.

I can't wait til Christmas music- my birthday is Nov 19th so usually after that I start it. My poor husband comes home to blaring Mormon Tabernacle Choir or me practicing carols on the piano and sighs...knowing there will be weeks of this! Not really his thing.

[SeekingSerenity]

Nah, I am not really worried about the effects of TV on my kids. I just don't like the way toys are marketed. They inundate the airwaves with all these toy commercials, ten times more this time of year than at any other time. I understand that it's an incredibly effective marketing tool, because the kids want everything they see and the parents drive themselves nuts trying to buy whatever they think will make their kid happy.

My thing is, I will probably get my DD one of the things she saw that she wants, because it was on my radar anyway as a possible gift. Knowing the way these things are, I also know that once she actually gets the gifts on Christmas morning, she will forget all about the other stuff she is seeing right now. I am not one of those parents who feels like my kids will only love me if I buy them everything they want. I am aware that they'll be perfectly happy even if they barely get anything - just because I've gone through holidays just like that and my kids were absolutely fine with it.

That being said, I have started limiting their exposure to Nick, just because of the increased commercialism. Noggin... err, Nick Jr. (they changed it back)... doesn't have toy commercials so for the shows they're allowed to watch that is the channel they'll get. They only get to watch certain shows - the rest of the time, if the tube is on, it's on because of something I wanted to see (news, cooking shows, etc.).

No flames from me! I agree with you. I've known people that talk about how they like to just "get rid of their TV" because they hate the influence it has on their kids, but this same person allowed her kids to sit for literally hours watching SpongeBob, Fairly Oddparents and other useless, mind-rotting drivel that I absolutely do NOT allow on my television. Meanwhile, she'd sleep until noon and use that as an excuse to let them continue watching. She'd say it was just a "summertime routine"... in October.

[annettemarie]

Theoretically, my kids get a half-hour of screen time again-- computer, TV, or DVD. Realistically, though, it often stretches out to an jor or more. There are so many of them and just one of me. Sigh.

We had our church clothing exchange today. It started out as my brainchild about four years ago. Six tables and maybe 25 people came. Today we filled the fellowship hall with clothes and people were lined up the stairs to come in. There was a steady stream of people for three hours. It was amazing! And I got two bags of clothes for my own family.

[baltic_ballet]

Hi Mama's

Well we have decided not to to move to the UK which is a relief, DH is disappointed as it would have been a great opportunity career wise for him but knows its what's best for out family.

We are in the middle of exams here, my DS just finished his HSC (year 12 exms) and now it's my DD turn who will be doing her school certificate (year 10 exams).

I am really looking foward christmas I love putting up the Christmas tree and singing carols.

hope everyone is doing well.

Sam

[AllisonK]

AM the clothing swap sounds awesome!! Would be fun to set one up. hmmm...

We are crazy busy here. Sewing for the second bazaar of the season next week. DH is studying for his LCSW, licensed clinical social worker. Not required but opens up the job possibilities and the $. He keeps talking about getting a second job right now but I feel like some days we barely see him. He is still wanting to join the Navy but found out we need to wait 6 months because of a procedure he had done. That puts it out to april. I feel like our lives are on hold. Someone please tell my DH to decide what he wants to do when he grows up.

Crazy rant ahead. All of the kids are in DH's brothers wedding in April and the bride is driving me mad. Finally talked her into letting me find the two little girls flower girl dresses somewhere other than the designer she wanted. She apparently was not happy though as BIL told Joe that she cried and cried about it. They were adorable dresses but they were almost $150 each, like $134 or 143 something like that!! She is dead set that oldest DD's Jr bridesmaid dress be the minature version of the designer bridesmaid dresses though. She infact did not even give me the option to look around for a similar dress or to find it used and sent me the store name, said she had all ready called with her cc number and to go get sized. Umm okay at least I don't have to pay for it I guess. Then there is Michael's tux which will be about $75 she says. Sigh why did we agree to do this???? I have to complain here as I told DH I wouldn't whine to him any more. All in all with clothing, accesories, shoes, travel, hotel, etc this darn wedding is going to cost us about 800-1000 is my estimate. Just fracken crazy! Okay I am done. Sorry it was all kind of bottled up there.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Eh...the TV stuff annoys me sometimes too, but when I feel they've had too much....I just turn it off! The older kids spend more time on the computers now than I'd like also, but I'm a bit addicted here myself! I guess I look at the "big Picture"...they are all "A" students, have healthy social lives, physically fit, they get their chores done...etc. I think we are missing the family interaction that we've had in the past though. Playing cards together, board games, playing outside. But we go to their sporting events and activities together, so I feel like we have a decent balance.

DS2 will be walking in the Veterans Day Parade here today with his AFJROTC squadron....I always get a little "choked-up" watching them. I'm former Navy myself and have many family members who have proudly served. I was feeling pretty sick and angry about what happened at Ft. Hood...but on a happier note---my cousin came home from Afganistan yesterday! Yeah! He did 2 tours there and 2 in Iraq.(Marines) We think he is done---hoping and praying he can serve his final couple of years stateside!
Well, I better go enjoy this beautiful Fall day here....it's gonna be 70 and sunny...hurray! perfect day for a parade!