What would you do regarding babysitting job? - Page 2

luckygreen713 · 11-05-2009, 12:26 PM

Ok, I don't know why I said money is the only thing keeping me here. Obviously it's more than that and I guess that's why I'm having a hard time with this. Yes I NEED the money and I'm scared to lose them. But I also really like the baby (I don't think I could dislike a baby). My daughters also care about the baby. And not only do I have an affectionate attachment with the baby, I also really like the parents. I just wish they would clean better. I am very hesitant to say anything to them about it because I don't want them to have their feelings hurt or be embarassed. But at the same time, this job is causing me major stress. I feel like I can't handle it. I am caring for thisbaby as if he were myown, and that part isn't hard, it's the conditions that make it hard. Dirty or not, I don't like coming here. I thought I could make it work. And it is working, I'm just not happy. Maybe 2 weeks is too short, maybe I'll say 6 weeks.

And to the pp who thinks you might be missing something, Melanie, you are. The arrangement, the job they hired me for, tajes place in their apartment. They were looking someone to specifically come to their home and I responded, interviewed, and got hired. They actually brought the baby to me when they were having work done in their apartment. At that time I told them I would charge less for that day. I let the mother know that I could watch him regularly for cheaper at my house. She seemed to understand how much easier it would be for me and said she would talk to her husband about alternating weekly between our homes. She never mentioned it again. I am assuming the dad doesn't want to, it would require him to get up and out a little earlier. They want care in their home and that's clear. BUT they really like me and have told me so. They gave gotten to know me and my girls and they see that I take good care of their baby. I think they would bring their baby to me if I said I wasn't co
ing to their apt anymore, but it might just be a temporary arrangement while they looked for someone else to come to them. I dont want to manipulate them, and I hope they don't think that's what I'm trying to do. We'll see what happens.

newbymom05 · 11-05-2009, 12:50 PM

There's poop on the seat. The apt is too small. You can't go places b/c you can't fit the car seats. How is asking them to come to your place manipulative? And sure, you like the baby, but your girls come first and that sounds like a horrible situation. Yes, you agreed to it, yada yada, but surely you didn't know there would be uncleanliness to the extent of regularly finding poop in and on the toilet! I think 2 weeks is acceptable, but that's just me. If you feel badly, maybe 2 weeks in their home, another 4 in your home. I also don't think it needs to be a confrontational situation--just point out the pluses of your home and don't mention the negatives of theirs.

**monkey-lamb** · 11-05-2009, 01:24 PM

I don't think it is reasonable for you to have to work in a dirty environment. However, as a PP said, it sounds like it is not a fit even if the place were cleaner.

It sounds like all your issues would be solved if they brought the baby to your house, but that's not really fair either. Part of the benefit of having a nanny is not having to take and pick up a child everyday, and you said they were explicitly looking for someone to work in their home.

I don't see how you can make the situation work given this information. I think you should cut your losses and find another job. I do think you should give more than two weeks notice if you can. I always try to go above and beyond the minimum. We let a nanny go for not doing a good job and we still gave her two weeks pay even though she was no longer working for us.

You shouldn't have to be miserable every day. Life is too short.

APToddlerMama · 11-05-2009, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by r&mmommy

With all due respect, she is *babysitting* Two weeks is the standard notice, even in the child care world.
Most parents will drop a sitter/nanny like a HOT potato if they think they've found a better deal elsewhere (and I'm not talking about cases where abuse is suspected). It sounds like the OP has tried to work with what she has been given and is unable to make it work. It's time to end the business arrangement.

I completely agree with this. If it isn't working, it isn't working. They have the option of continuing to take the child to her house after the two weeks, so I don't see what the problem is. Even if that wasn't an option, I'd be more concerned about my kids well being than bending over backwards. I don't think it needs to be a confrontational thing at all either. It can just be framed in a way that it turns out that it is more difficult than anticipated to be bringing two kids out of the house each day when there aren't enough age appropriate toys, etc., it is easier to find stuff, make lunch, etc, in your own home. Two weeks is more than enough... I doubt that they stated in the interview that they had poop on their toilet seat, etc., so why can't a mama have a change of heart too?

lilyka · 11-05-2009, 03:53 PM

i would still offer to do it at your house. and I would not change their rates. They are going to owe a butt load of nanny taxes when January comes around. (as are you if they have not been withholding it, please look into that if you have not) and youwill actually be saving money for them by bringing the baby into your home. You will still owe taxes but if you keep careful records and work it right you can deduct a lot of expenses (including rent and utilities) such that you may owe nothing. i never did.

So I would tell them that this is really not working out and that their apartment is too small for all three children and a dog and you think everything would go better at your place. What are you willing to do to accomodate the baby at your house? is there a place to sleep? toys? swing? whatever equipment the baby needs? are you willing to provide this? how far do you live from this family? you have already stated that you picking up baby and dropping her off is not an option. would it save you money by not traveling? could you pass this money on to them? do you think they would be willing to try it as a trial period? would you be willing to do two days at their house and 3 days at yours?

and for what it is worth I think two weeks is fine. if that seems harsh for you offer to watch the baby for one more week at their house and then tell them you can watch her at your house for as long as they need until they find another sitter.

lilyka · 11-05-2009, 04:02 PM

you are not manipulating them

clearly you had no idea what you were getting into. you had never seen the apartment. It is small. It is filthy. you are baby sitting the kid and the dog. You are kind. very kind to not say anything about the filth. and this is from someone with low house keeping standards and a crazy dog (that I would never expect a caregiver of my children to be responsible for). I mean really, did you know there would be no table to eat at? No where to play for your children? These things are only going to get worse as the baby gets older and more mobile.

You are giving them options.

1) You may find someone else and I will help you out until then. I will help you out like this for this many weeks or I will help you out like this for this many weeks.
2) I will continue to care for your child at a different location.

you say you get paid well. can I ask how much? is it really worth the money? I used to do daycare in my home and it was not worth the money. Doing it in someone elses home was even less worth the money. And it was also really hard on my kids. It was just as much their job as it was mine and they suffered for it. I realized I could work a very part time job for the same amount of money while my kids hung out with a friend or grandma or their dad (seriously 10 - 15 hours a week at a grocery store verses 55 hours a week of daycare) and those hours I was away from them were more than made up for in the quality of time i was then able to spend with them and not other peoples kids. something to think about.

**sweetpeppers** · 11-05-2009, 05:27 PM

As a single mother and a nanny/babysitter in other people's homes, I would not leave a job without having another one lined up. It is very difficult to find a decent paying job with kids. If you don't absolutely depend on your income for your livelihood, then you could leave if you were really unhappy. But if you really needed the job, I would just clean the house every week...at least enough so it didn't gross you out.

The previous poster does have a point, but not everyone has friends, grandmothers, husbands to watch their kids while they work a part time job. But jobs with other kids can be hard on your own kids. You have to weigh how much you need the job with how much you dislike the working conditions and to what extent you can do something about the current conditions.

cattmom · 11-05-2009, 06:20 PM

OP, I think you may be able to swing this. Their positive attitude toward you and the job you're doing and the presumably mutual affection between you, your girls and their child are the reason why this could work.

When you talk to them, start with this
1) I also really like the baby ... My daughters also care about the baby. And not only do I have an affectionate attachment with the baby, I also really like the parents.

Tell them this first.

then the big "but"
2) i thought I could handle it. (but) this... is causing me major stress. (because)

- the dog grabs everyone's food because of the table issue, but barks and interferes with naps if she's shut up, (and as the baby gets older and eats more solids, the situation will just get worse).

and

-the kids are cooped up in one room all day, and have a better variety of toys (and maybe better access to the outdoors?) at home

and
-I'm worried my kids will make messes in your house, and I'd feel less stressed and more relaxed and better able to have fun with all of them at my house.

Also
3) Since you've said the cleanliness issue isn't the fundamental issue in your unhappiness, I wouldn't bring it up. If you bring it up and then they offer to clean it or hire a cleaner and you still won't stay, they will think you're being insincere or unreasonable. There's also the possibility that they might be insulted or wonder whether they can make you do housekeeping in addition to everything else. (ha!)

And then

4) At my house, my mom can come by and help out. (If you can sing your mom's praises as a wonderful woman who is incredible with your kids and all kids, do so here.)

5) At my house, we have X and Y and Z (things you have room for that they don't) and A and B and C (things that will ensure the baby is safe and happy). We can also bring these things every day from your house (his favorite blanket, etc).

6) At my house, I will charge you a little less because I know the transportation might be harder, BUT I AM SURE YOUR BABY WILL BE HAPPIER (because of all the reasons I mentioned).

Then
7) Here's what I will charge (I agree that $2 an hour less is a pretty big price cut, and unless you already offered it when you talked to the mom previously, I'd think about how low makes sense for you.)
8) Here's how long I will keep working under the current arrangement. (I would start with four weeks, and then go to six only if they request it.)

In this negotiation, you seem fair and reasonable. You don't ask them to focus primarily on the well being of your kids, because that's not what they're paying you for. This talk focuses mostly on their child, which IS what they are paying for, but allows you to get a better result for your children.

feminist~mama · 11-05-2009, 07:51 PM

Plus- 2 weeks is totally enough notice. Especially since you're willing to keep watching the baby- you're only willing to do it for 2 more weeks with the current arrangement. So you're not leaving them out in the cold, it's just not their "ideal" situation, kwim? The baby is still happy and safe, but maybe the parents aren't so perfectly happy... but it's not as if they will suddenly NOT have care, it just won't be exactly what they want...

sunnie424 · 11-05-2009, 11:27 PM

My first post! Hello!

Something that popped into my head is the dog... They may want someone in their home, because then the dog is not left alone all day either. If they bring the baby to your house, they may have to hire a dog walker, which would be extra money. I am not sure what the situation would be with this, but just thought I would throw it out there.

Otherwise, I would definitely ask if they can bring the baby to your house and/or be looking for another job.

luckygreen713 · 11-06-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnie424

My first post! Hello!

Something that popped into my head is the dog... They may want someone in their home, because then the dog is not left alone all day either. If they bring the baby to your house, they may have to hire a dog walker, which would be extra money. I am not sure what the situation would be with this, but just thought I would throw it out there.

Otherwise, I would definitely ask if they can bring the baby to your house and/or be looking for another job.

Welcome!! Thanks for your advice. The dog thing is not something I had considered. But they actually specifically told me not to take their dog out. So it's not lke the dog is used to be able to go out during the day. She pretty much sleeps all day unless me and/or my kids are eating.

Again, thank you all for your input. It helps me so much. This is why I love MDC!

Cattmom, thanks. That last post of yours was very helpful.
I really do have a lot to offer at my house. I have absolutely everything one could need or want to take care of a baby. I recently had 2 of my own, back-to-back, and it shows

We have a bedroom that is currently a playroom, but I can and will set up our crib so the baby can have a quiet place to nap, in a crib like he's used to. My house is clean, organized, and baby-proofed.
We have soooo much more space and we do have access to my fenced yard and a nice, age apporpriate playground for little ones (not their lo yet, but soon). I also have a dog, but she can and does go out in the yard. I can also crate her if I need to, and I don't need to feel bad like I do when I shut their dog up in the bedroom, because my dog likes her crate and doesn't bark when she's in there. And my mom, who lives a 3 minute walk away, is a major asset. She just retired, so she's around a lot. Having her so close would give me the peace of mind that if anything ever happened, like an emergency where one of us had to go the hospital, etc, she could be here in, like, a minute. Plus she's already told me she'd walk over whenever I need her for minor stuff, or just to spend some special grandma time with my girls.

I'm so nervous to have this conversation with them. I can't decide how to do it. I wish I could call or email them, but I know that's totally unprofessional and immature, and I won't do that. I would like to tell them together, at the same time. But I never see them together. When we get there in the morning, the dad is there, and then we leave when the mom gets home. So I know them equally well. I guess I should tell them that I need to talk to them and schedule a time to sit down and talk. Does that sound good? Or should I tell the mom when she gets home, since she's the one who made all the arrangments with me? Or the dad because he clearly make s the decisions in their family? I think both at the same time would be best.

Caneel · 11-06-2009, 10:40 AM

Cattmom gave you a great outline for the coversation. I would print it out and use it at reference during the discussion so you can keep control of the situation and keep it on track.

Obviously, don't let them see it. Or use it as an outline to create your own that you might want to share with them.

I would tell the mom that you need to discuss the current situation and that some changes may be occuring. Ask her when the three of you can sit down together, that puts the ball in her court as to whether the dad sits in on the conversation or not. I say approach the mom first as she was your first point of contact and the one that made the arrangements.

just_lily · 11-06-2009, 11:27 AM

And when you are thinking about pricing, realize that if they bring the baby to your house, you may be providing food out of your own budget for the baby as he gets older. I require provide all milk and table food, and I spend quite a bit on groceries because of it.

BrandiRhoades · 11-06-2009, 12:49 PM

The biggest concern I'd have if I were you is that you have 3 children you want to bring to your job. That's a lot. I have 2 children, and we have a caretaker in our home. I wouldn't hire someone with 3 small children because I would worry that my children wouldn't get enough attention. I'd really think hard about how difficult it will be to find another job where you can bring your children with you.

Another factor to consider is that they specifically advertised for someone to come to their apartment. I will not use a sitter who wants to keep my children in her home. I pay more for someone to come to my house, but that's something my husband and I agreed to do. I wouldn't move the kids to go to your house. I don't know their reasons for wanting someone in their apartment, so they may be flexible. I'm just offering a parent-employer perspective.

luckygreen713 · 11-06-2009, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

The biggest concern I'd have if I were you is that you have 3 children you want to bring to your job. That's a lot. I have 2 children, and we have a caretaker in our home. I wouldn't hire someone with 3 small children because I would worry that my children wouldn't get enough attention. I'd really think hard about how difficult it will be to find another job where you can bring your children with you.

Another factor to consider is that they specifically advertised for someone to come to their apartment. I will not use a sitter who wants to keep my children in her home. I pay more for someone to come to my house, but that's something my husband and I agreed to do. I wouldn't move the kids to go to your house. I don't know their reasons for wanting someone in their apartment, so they may be flexible. I'm just offering a parent-employer perspective.

Thanks, I appreciate your perspective. Just to be clear, I have 2 children, not 3. Their child makes 3 that I care for, but I only have 2 of my own.

cattmom · 11-06-2009, 06:49 PM

In terms of approaching them, I can't tell you whether it would be better to talk to one or both. But if you do it in person, try to do it when someone else is taking care of your two kids, because you need room to have a serious conversation without too many interruptions. My hunch is that talking to them together might lead to a better result than talking to either of them alone.

cattmom · 11-06-2009, 08:07 PM

One last thought - you could offer to stock many of the baby's things (the diapers, extra clean clothes/shoes in case of accidents, whatever baby food is necessary) at your house. The parents may be thinking why out-of-home care would be harder for them, and one hurdle might be packing all the things that are necessary for out-of-home care. If you feel like handling that and adding any of the baby's laundry to your own (I would make sure that they would actually pay for or provide the diapers/food) so that they don't have to think about anything but throwing a coat over the baby and getting him out the door, then tell them that, too.

sapphire_chan · 11-06-2009, 10:22 PM

He leaves actual fecal matter on the seat? O.M.G. ewwwwwwww

: that they'll just drive the baby to you.

luckygreen713 · 11-06-2009, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

He leaves actual fecal matter on the seat? O.M.G. ewwwwwwww

: that they'll just drive the baby to you.

Yup. Gross, right? It doesn't happen every day, probably "just" once a week. I take my own disinfectant wipes so I can clean the seat before I let my 3yo go potty. Thanks for the crossed fingers, I need it!

mtiger · 11-07-2009, 10:07 AM

I have to admit that I'm surprised they allow you to bring your kids. If I were looking for in-home care, I would want someone who would be focused on my child - not his/her own. If I were going to have my child go elsewhere? I would want it to be a licensed center.