He eats WHAT for lunch???

[WC_hapamama]

I second the "myob" approach.

My not quite 4 year old is an extremely picky eater. His only protein intake are Aidell's chicken and apple sausages, breaded chicken, fruit flavored yogurts, and cheese. The only vegetables I can get into him on a regular basis are in the form of spaghetti sauce and pumpkin in quick breads.

He is not one of those kids who will just eat anything if he's hungry enough, and starving him until he'll eat what I want him to eat doesn't exactly improve his behavior. Not a hill I'm ready to die on.

[Theoretica]

Definitely MYOB.

FWIW, I'm awful danged crunchyfied and my 18month old LOVES everything from sushi to mujadarrah. At the same time, I'm certainly not above letting her have some ice cream or cookie dough. For that matter she's had ice cream AND cookie dough. And she still scarfs her veggies and prefers her salad 'nakee' (naked), loves whole grain 'noodies' and the whole nine yards.

Then again, this is the same kid who wolfed down a massive handful of deer turds when she was 9 months old...:



Remember mama...everything in moderation. Including moderation

[DocsNemesis]

I think I'd mmob. Does he have any cavities that you can see or is it just pain from teething? I do agree that if he has cavities, you might want to mention seeing a dentist or something.

I've had issues with my kids before and refusing to eat healthy foods. My 4 year old ONLY wants chicken nuggets lately. But the real difficult one is my eldest.

As a toddler, he would only eat mac and cheese. Plain. No veggies or anything else in it because he'd refuse. Period. When he got older, it was chicken nuggets (lol). Now its breakfast food-cereal, toast, and poptarts are all he wants. And the thing is, even if I refuse him those foods, he will NOT eat. Even as a toddler. It got to a point when he was 7 or so where he had lost 10 pounds over the course of a year or so (and he's skinny to begin with), so his doctors decided him eating anything, junk food included, was better than what he was doing. They were close to putting him on IV nutrition over it. So, he was eating McDonalds cheeseburgers twice a day and candy as a snack. Realllll healthy.

Anyway, I'm just trying to say that in some cases, mama really has exhausted other options. I'm not saying this is the case, but she is right in that he does need some form of food. I don't know if her ds is as stubborn as my kids but if they are, I can see why she'd give in.

[WC_hapamama]

Originally Posted by DocsNemesis

And the thing is, even if I refuse him those foods, he will NOT eat. Even as a toddler. It got to a point when he was 7 or so where he had lost 10 pounds over the course of a year or so (and he's skinny to begin with), so his doctors decided him eating anything, junk food included, was better than what he was doing.

That sounds like my ds3... sometimes it gets to the point where ANY nutrition is better than nothing. I try to get the healthiest junk food I can into him (ie: real cheese as opposed to Kraft singles, spaghetti sauce and noodles spiked with parm rather than Spaghetti-O's, a bowl of Pho rather than Cup O Noodles, my homemade pumpkin muffins rather than a twinkie, 100% fruit freezie pops rather than a crappy popscicle), but I can't always win.

[Snowflower]

Thank you Docsnemesis. I needed to know it happens and he'll survive.
and that chocolate ice cream is better than nothin.

I guess I DO know that..my sister lived on Wonder bread and miracle whip.

[Drummer's Wife]

As much as reading what he ate made my tummy ache, I still say MYOB.

Unless, you think she'd really be receptive of your suggestions. I guess it would depend on my relationship wth said friend. I would totally hope to avoid sounding judgemental about her ds's diet - but with food, it's touchy depending on how you approach it, kwim? No one wants to feel like someone thinks they are a bad parent - I think we beat ourselves up enough.

If it was a close friend, she would know that nutrition is important to me... I might mention stuff like what I recently learned to cook from scratch or how many different vegetables I got his week. I guess that if she herself was concerned about her child's food intake or wanted ideas for new things to try - she would know I was there to offer advice and to share things I read.

Basically, I don't think I would come out and say, hey, I'm worried about your kid's health and teeth b/c he eats junk all the time! Even though you mean well, it could come across as mean/hurtful/judgemental and risk ruining your relationship.

[sapphire_chan]

The only thing I'd think about saying is that "months" is a long time for his teeth to be hurting every day and it might be good to have a dentist doublecheck that everything's okay.

Yeah, it's the sugar, but she's defensive about that, so instead maybe mention what if a tooth is coming in sideways or something.

[SunshineJ]

Originally Posted by Snowflower

I know his diet is atrocious. Like fast food based, its the massive amount of sugar that worries me tho.

Honestly, unless you're by his side all day every day, you really don't know this. You know what you've seen during select snapshots in his life, and what she has said. If you and I were talking about our kids eating habits for the past couple of weeks, you'd be equally horrified. I'd be saying things like "they've lived on candy for the past couple weeks, then you have the sugar cookies with frosting and candy decorations we made a couple weeks ago. Oh and don't forget the extra ones I made for the party the Sunday before Halloween where they loaded up on crap and the parent teacher meetings where I gave them $5 for snacks and they were scarfing on cookies and cupcakes!" If you asked "what about meals though?" I'd laugh and say with being so busy they've had a lot of chicken nuggets, fries and fish sticks! Sounds pretty darn atrocious, doesn't it? But what I don't mention (and most probably wouldn't) is that every morning there have been very nutritious meals, their lunches and snacks have been overall very wholesome on a daily basis and the chicken nuggets, fish sticks and fries have been 3 nights out of 2 weeks. All that candy? 2-3 little pieces a day (which honestly is more than usual, but it's from halloween). The cookies at the p/t conferences were the size of half dollars, etc.

I definitely think it's a case of myob.

[Snowflower]

Thanks Dummerswife. This is all true. I know she thinks about it when she sees our healthy choices. She does seem interested and asks me questions sometimes, so that's good. I think she seems concerned, but doesn't want to deal w it. I'll tread lightly and try to share ideas.
Unfortunately she has said his diet is "horrible all around' but I don't really know to what extent she means. My concern is really just the too much sugar thing.

Good call on the side ways tooth suggestion too, sapphire chan. Def a good way to to get her in there!

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by Snowflower

Thanks Dummerswife. This is all true. I know she thinks about it when she sees our healthy choices. She does seem interested and asks me questions sometimes, so that's good. I think she seems concerned, but doesn't want to deal w it. I'll tread lightly and try to share ideas.
Unfortunately she has said his diet is "horrible all around' but I don't really know to what extent she means. My concern is really just the too much sugar thing.

Good call on the side ways tooth suggestion too, sapphire chan. Def a good way to to get her in there!

you know, I think on the sugar issue... I might mention to her how awfully taxing sugar is to the body, especially the immune system and relate it in a way to H1N1. So many people are worried about their kids getting sick, if she's one - it could be something she's simply not aware of. It won't change the fact that the kid might be a bit addicted to it, since it sounds like he has so much of it a day. I don't know, though, 'cause again it really depends on the friend and the relationship you have. I can think of a few friends I'm not super close to that no way would would I even open my mouth about the majority of things I would say to family or close friends, yk? Mostly to let on how odd I really am But then there are people whom I would feel comfortable enough --like my own mom, when I told her I believe whole milk is healthier for everyone, not just toddlers - as she was looking at 1% milk in the grocery store.

You could invite her to the farmer's market sometime, or to a cooking class? I don't know, that may seem weird. I am betting she just really doesn't know the full impact of nutrition with regards to lifelong health. When I think of what I have learned in the past few years, it's a ton of information. Maybe she's just not at a place, for whatever reason, where she wants to sorta grasp it all and make huge dietary habit changes.

[noobmom]

For what it's worth, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, chocolate ice cream would be a FAR better choice than say, spinach. Or any other vegetable. Mostly because it has fat in it. And I don't think mac and cheese or pizza bread is necessarily better than ice cream anyway. The ice cream has more sugar but probably has way more protein too.

[Snowflower]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

You could invite her to the farmer's market sometime, or to a cooking class? I don't know, that may seem weird. I am betting she just really doesn't know the full impact of nutrition with regards to lifelong health. When I think of what I have learned in the past few years, it's a ton of information. Maybe she's just not at a place, for whatever reason, where she wants to sorta grasp it all and make huge dietary habit changes.

That is a Great idea! She's even suggested it before And I just saw an ad for a nourishing traditions based cooking class near by! It must be meant to be!

[Krisis]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

You might want to call her back right now and tell her that if she ever enrolls her child in any public program like WIC, Head Start, or if god forbid no one else sees him until he starts kindergartena t age 5, if he has a mouthful of rotten teeth, CPS can be called and he can be removed from her home, or at the very least they closely monitor her for medical neglect.

Seriously?

Originally Posted by lach

If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right

At the age of almost 2 my DS went from a great eater to a really picky pain in the butt. He now eats french fries, some kinds of crackers, grapes and take-out curry. Pretty much it. Balanced diet, not so much. Some days all he gets is crackers (seriously, that's all he eats all day because it's all he'll take.) My grandma tells me all the time that I don't feed him enough and he's too skinny and he doesn't eat enough and blah blah blah and I just roll my eyes... he eats what he wants, when he wants it, and clearly it's enough because he's still growing. Even if it's not the healthiest diet in the world, at least it's got SOME healthy things in it and he's happy. I would mind my own business for sure.

I'm always terrified when we go out to eat and order DS a grilled cheese sandwich or some kind of healthy entree and he wants nothing to do with it and eats only fries and crackers. Don't judge me cos my kid is picky!

Also, ice cream is totally healthy. So is pizza (it has grain, fruit, vegetable, dairy, and protein. It's like a miracle food! )

[Mountaingirl79]

I agree with the MYOB approach. I was a picky eater too. After I was weaned, I never wanted to drink any other kind of milk. I still hate cows milk to this day. When I was little, I would peel the cheese and topping off pizza and just eat the dough. My mom was so confizzled. My ped said, "well, you can't force her to eat.."

Now, my second son is a picky eater too.( I grew out of it) I do offer one thing on his plate that I know he won't eat. He still doesnt. He is so stubborn, he will voluntarily go without anything else the rest of the night after he has eaten what he wishes.
If that is toast and a few bites of spaghetti without even touching the broccoli or salad with it, he will. He just won't budge when it comes to stuff he doesn't like. Not even dessert with dissuade him. I hope he has a career in politics.



Dental care is a different ballgame, imo, it is very important that teeth be taken care of. I would give her some names of some pediatric dentists for sure, if she says his mouth is hurting.

[green betty]

I would pretty much myob. If she mentions his tooth pain again, maybe ask, "what does his dentist say about it?" and then have a fabulous recommendation for a pediatric dentist at the ready if she wants one. But if she doesn't, zip it. Or possibly invite them for lunch and make a tasting platter of healthy little things that lots of toddlers love that he could choose from, but don't push it if he doesn't want any, kwim? Model, rather than inform. "Helpful information" almost always feels like judgement. At least, it does to me.

[SactoMommy]

Yeah, MYOB. I agree that his diet probably isn't healthy, but you don't totally know what's going on. You're right that he's probably addicted to sugar and it will be a hard fight for her to get him off of it, but that's her own battle to fight.

All kids go through picky periods. A child development book said that par for the course ages 2-3.5 was one meal a day. At 4 kids are supposedly more open to suggestion when it comes to food, but I'm not there yet, so I don't know. I know that at almost 20yo, my sister still only eats ground beef, mac n cheese, and ramen noodles .

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by noobmom

For what it's worth, if you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, chocolate ice cream would be a FAR better choice than say, spinach. Or any other vegetable. Mostly because it has fat in it. And I don't think mac and cheese or pizza bread is necessarily better than ice cream anyway. The ice cream has more sugar but probably has way more protein too.

Broccoli is actually pretty much a complete food, it'd screw with your endocrine system a bit, but much less than a steady intake of sugar.

Plus, you're assuming good ice cream from real ingredients and not processed corn syrup solids and whey.

[sapphire_chan]

Also, have you mentioned smoothies to her? It sounds like she's actually worried about what he eats, but is overwhelmed. I bet that getting his teeth fixed will make him more willing to eat, but meanwhile smoothies are soft, sweet with fruit, and fun to watch come together as all the different colors swirl up.

[Dandelionkid]

Originally Posted by lach

If licking the spoon while making cookies is wrong, I don't want to be right

[texmama]

If I were you, next time the situation presents itself and it seems like she's asking your opinion, I'd casually mention what my kids enjoy that satisfies their sweet tooth - like smoothies, cereal, yogurt, frozen fruit (like grapes and mango), muffins...