Creating One-On-One time

Dear parent,

I would suggest that you make the most out of the hours that your partner is at home, and ask relatives and friends to help. In addition, a baby-sitter can be an older child and cost nothing or very little. But, I will share with you some ideas that may help.

I hardly had any help with my three children. I made sure that the moment my husband got home he was engaged so the children could get either one-on-one time, or family time with two parents. On the weekends we did both, family time and one-on-one time. Even a half an hour a day, plus some moments here and there, can be extremely reassuring.

Some of this is not about actually taking separate time, but about your attitude. When one child is in the bathroom and you come to help, use that moment to connect, express love, have direct eye contact and make the moment special. As you offer food, give that kiss and tell her how much you love to make her food for her because you love her so much.

When you are alone with both children, avoid coming across like you are not going to care for one child because of the other. Instead of, “I can’t be with you now, because I am breastfeeding your sister,” say, “I would love to do this with you. I can’t wait. As soon as daddy comes home...” or “As soon as your sister is asleep.” You can even call daddy at that moment and have your child talk to him, or she can hear you talking and saying, “When you come home today, I need you to be with Lila so Noah and I can have time together. It is very important so come strait home after work.”

Now you continue to breast-feed or care for the little one, and your older child feels connected even though, physically, she is not alone with you. And, she knows you want to be with her and that she will get the time with you later.

As your children get older, they will be able to take turns and occupy themselves. There is no need for TV (we didn’t have any either.) Even at age two or three, knowing that her turn will come, a young child can keep to herself while drawing, building, eating, listening to a story CD etc. You can ask your children if they wish to have mommy time. If they do, suggest taking turns for twenty minutes or so each. Provide the other child an activity and make sure she is not hungry. Or, make the eating time of one child be your time with the other. The bathtub works for some children, sand pile, blocks, crayons and papers, books... When they value being with you alone, they will make the effort to allow each other to have this wonderful time.

Keep in mind that you can only do what you can. If the children don’t get as much as is best; well such is life. We don’t always. Validate the feelings and empower each child to

feel at peace with reality.

 Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html