Child Says "I Don't Love Myself"

It is simple: Ask her. You can say, “What don’t you love about me the most?” “What else?” Or when she speaks about not loving herself, “What don’t you love about yourself the most?” “What about it don’t you love?” “How would you want to be instead?” Same with not loving anything but with some humor: “Nothing? Not even ice-cream?” (Or a story, book, toy, playground...) Then tell her what you don’t love about grandma, about yourself, about your spouse, certain foods... Just be with the different stories going on in the mind, without making drama out of anything. 

This may end up totally funny and enjoyable, or, you may discover some misunderstanding or confusion going on. If that’s the case, find where the confusion comes from. Ask more questions, “Did someone say that to you?” Sometimes a child may come up with absurd notions based on what a friend said to her, what she heard on TV, or she may interpret something you said as meaning that she is not lovable. As you converse, you can tell her, “And I love listening to you talk about what you don’t love.” This will reassure her of your unconditional love and help her feel free to share her thoughts and emotions.

In addition, be aware of how you speak of love, worth and other related concepts. 

Do you say too many out of context, “I love you’s” in a patronizing way? Find out if she misunderstands something you tend to say. Did anything happen recently that is different? Did grandma move far away? A new baby? A friend isn’t coming to play any more? Once you know what story is playing in her mind, it would be easy to offer her relief.

Your daughter’s answers may end up funny. She may have just learned this sentence somewhere and is trying it on. She may have noticed that it bothers you and likes to try it again for effect.If you discover a serious problem, you can reach me by phone for more help. You can sign up for a phone session here: http://authenticparent.com/guidance.html

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html