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Talking to children about death

Naomi Aldort

I am hopeful for some advice from an expert such as yourself who is sensitive to children's needs to whether one should inform or protect children from the more difficult subjects of life and death. I have read other articles stating children ages 3-4 don't really understand the concept of death. I feel like providing honest answers is usually the right thing to do, but I don't want to give my child more info than she can handle. We have a very ill family member, so this subject is close to us. In our experiences with nature, we often point out things that are living and dying, and when living things die that they go back to earth and to nature. We are not religious, so we don't have that framework to use. I would appreciate any of your kind advice on this issue. Thank you.

 

Dear parent,

Children take emotional cues from the adults around them. If your attitude about death is peaceful and calm, your child child will see it in the same light. The more a subject is not talked about and handled as a mystery, the more the child will develop anxiety. 

To avoid offering too much, only answer what your child is actually asking. Answer only the question being asked. Don’t add a biology class or an emotional analysis lesson.

Death is part of life and in many cultures it is celebrated rather than seen as a tragedy.

I recommend to include children in birth giving as well as departing at death. The only time I do not suggest to include a child is when the parents are hysterical or see events through the eye of trauma and drama. The child will take your cues to know how to feel. Sadness and tears are fine when not taken to mean that something horrible happened.

Check Life Learning Magazine for my advice column on talking to children about death.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com

 

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