Child Won't Answer Adults Questions

Dear embarrassed mom,

Children are not a display to make us look good. Your daughter is being very confident and self-reliant when she refuses to be coerced into answering patronizing questions. Instead of trying to change her so that you will look good, work on yourself to stop being embarrassed by her true nature.

Do you really want your child to bend her nature so you won’t be embarrassed? Now that I said it this way, I am sure your answer is, “no.” You want her to be herself and to trust her inner voice. If you try to teach her to go against her own guidance and try to appease others, she will become emotionally dependent and insecure. This is what is happening to you, and I am sure you want her to be free of such dependency on approval.

Instead of teaching your child to live up to the standards of others, support her inner power to be herself. Seeking approval is the root of insecurity and of inability to be successful and authentic.

The adults who patronize your daughter with their imposed questions are disrespectful. I have told many adults to mind their own business and respect my children’s privacy and autonomy. They have no right to interrogate her and she is right to not respond. 

In my answer about a similar “rude” child, I tell about what I did with my own child who would not respond to adults’ probings until much later than six. You can read about my responses to these adults here: http://mothering.com/child-rude-random-people 

Your daughter is right. Protect her and free yourself from seeking approval through her. 

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com