Constantly Changing Her Mind

Dear parent,

It seems to me like your daughter may be feeling manipulated by you. She wants to make her own decision and somehow, even though you let her, your view of it interferes with her full autonomy. Why think for her, even if kindly? If she doesn’t want to go, she will let you know. The moment you “read” her mind, she is angry, because you ruined her attempt to get out of being under your control.

You say that she “agreed” to go for a walk to meet her dad, and I am not sure she really wanted to. She may have felt coerced and was looking for a way to feel ownership of her walk in the first place. But in each of her attempts, you have interjected something that took her autonomy away. 

There are times when a child may not have a choice. If you must take her somewhere, don’t come across like she has a choice but be honest and clear. However, do your best not to create such situations.

In the above chain of wanting different things, I would do nothing. I would realize that she is doing her best to feel in charge, and I would just get out of the way, not intervene but follow her lead. She can change her plans ten or twenty times and you can stay peaceful and enjoy watching her with love.

Warmly, http://authenticparent.com/index.html