Spacing Children's Births So They Get Along

Dear parent,

If by “peacefully” you mean that the children never fight, then the answer is; no, it is not possible. Your observation is correct. In the nuclear family, siblings close in age compete for basic needs for love and care and often develop rivalry. 

For the modern nuclear family, I therefore recommend seven years apart between siblings. To understand why young children close in age tend to feel frustrated about sharing mom, read the last chapter in my book, Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: http://naomialdort.com/book.html

The following is an excerpt from my article, “Spacing Children’s Births,” published in Natural Life Magazine Nov/Dec 2008 issue:                                                                              

“My mother tells a sweet story: One day she was holding my darling baby brother and kissing him. When she noticed that I was gazing intently she asked, “Are you jealous?” “Yes,” I responded, “I want to kiss him too.” My brother and I were best of friends and are still very close.                                                          

“I was seven years old when my brother was born. A seven-year-old does not see a baby as competition, but as an adorable being to enjoy and nurture. She sees a baby as an addition to her life rather than a threat to her primary relationship with mom or dad...She is not with the baby sharing mom, but with the mom sharing the baby. Spacing close together, however, has its benefits and joys to consider.         

“...There are no mistakes and no one right away. Although a young child may not be inclined to give up her needs, if reality dictates and with supportive parents, she will draw from it the lessons that will shape and strengthen her.”

You can read the complete article on line:  

http://www.naturallifemagazine.com/0812/ask_naomi_aldort_spacing_childrens_births.htm

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com