Child Hits When Playing Tag

Dear parent,

What I teach is that the child is right. Find out how and why this is how she does it and why she gets angry if you interrupt the game with your guidance. Here are a couple of possibilities:

It is possible that your daughter is feeling herself as “tagging” you. She is running, full of energy, trying hard to catch and then finally reaching you. Her tagging motion may seem like a punch to you, but is most likely her “excited” and “energized” tag. So one possibility is to ignore her body’s error and keep playing. A single “punch” isn’t really painful and you can give her the pleasure of playing without ruining the game with your serious guidance.

If she truly stops and keeps punching you, tell her how you like to be tagged and explain that once is enough. If after another attempt she is still hurting you, you can tell her that you don’t like to play this way and will play again once she learns to tag gently. At that point, avoid the psychological analysis; in the middle of a play she is unlikely to have a need to hit. Her body control is simply immature. But if there is an emotional need, it won’t be solved by ruining her game and offering therapy at that moment (in fact such control maybe a reason to want to hit.) Instead, play and then think for yourself why she might need to hurt you.

I tend to imagine that you are taking it too seriously. Thwarting her game to teach her how to tag is not respectful of her and not necessary. When you tag her, you can model what you want; she will learn over time. Keep playing and focus on the fun.

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/index.html