Baby Cries When I Leave for Work

Dear working mother,

Your child is healthfully attached to you and is asking for what he needs. I would rather not teach you ways to manipulate him out of his honest emotional expression. There is no “respectful” way to manipulate. Your baby is dealing with his situation extremely well, by crying and clinging. Self-expression is healing.

Strangely, our society has created a requirement that we separate working adults from their children. Yet, babies, toddlers and young children need uninterrupted mother’s presence. As women, we must make our babies and children’s need heard. My first suggestion, therefore, is to bring your baby and your husband with you to work, where your husband can be with him close to you. Your baby can then breastfeed as needed and stay in your presence.

When you take your baby with you to work, you blaze a path for others to follow. The burden of our bizarre social development weighs mostly on children and mothers. We must change this trend. Children used to be seen but not heard which was painful enough. Now they are neither seen nor heard. They are only allowed in homes and in specifically designated places and institutions. They are allowed more freedom to be themselves, but less opportunity to live in society and stay close to their mothers.

If you can absolutely not see any way to take your baby with you to work, work from home, or have your husband do the earning, then I suggest that you empower your baby by being honest and by supporting his emotional expression. Leave the house visibly. Don’t vanish in secret. Validate his feelings and leave while his father continues to validate his feelings as he cries. This will be his grist for the meal; his journey. Yes, he will develop clinginess and anxiety, but he will grow up. He will feel empowered when you stay peaceful and honest while making space in your heart for his cries.

I would love to see all mothers insist on prioritizing their babies and children’s need for uninterrupted connection with them. When a mother decides that leaving her baby for any duration of time on a daily basis is not an option, other earning solutions show up. Instead of saying, “I must leave my baby to go to work,” we can say, “My baby must stay with me at work, or I won’t work.” The reality that we empower will generate respect and become the way of the future. 

Warmly, Naomi Aldort, http://authenticparent.com/index.html