In the world of natural parenting, we are often blessed with the sciences to prove that certain stances we take are adhered to for the long-lasting benefit of our children. For instance, no matter how many “experts” have written books claiming that cry-it-out methods work & are harmless, we know that the opposite is true: these methods often fail & are harmful.
Still, parents make choices. To bed-share, room-share, or not? To employ the use of “time-outs” or find another, more communicative way? To vaccinate, delayed-vaccinate, or not? While I do believe that the choices I am making for my child are, for the most part, unequivocally best, I have learned on my journey into the Motherhood to at least try to understand others’ choices, even if I can’t manage to fully accept them. There is one issue, though, that remains 100% black & white to me. There is one issue, which is genital integrity, & there is one option, which is do not cut.
My choice to leave my son whole was an easy one, eventually, but it did not start out that way. 90% of the World is intact, but I live in the United States, where we unfortunately have the highest circumcision rates, although they have been on a steady decline lately. I was subtly programmed, like you may have been, Dear Reader, to think of the foreskin not as a natural, purposeful part of anatomy, but as simply confusing & maybe a little icky. After all, isn’t it slimy & dirty? (Hint: no.)
I actually found myself, before I knew that I was having a boy, hoping that I wouldn’t have a boy simply because I didn’t want to have to make the “circumcision decision”! Yet everything in me inherently knew that I didn’t want to harm my baby or cause him pain & it finally struck me as absolutely insane that I would ever consider cutting up a baby’s genitals & so the decision was made. I followed my instincts & it wasn’t until the past 2 years that I really started to fully inform myself. I am incredibly thankful, on a daily basis, that my intuition led me in the right direction. There is a saying that the more you know about circumcision, the worse it gets. With that in mind, I cannot stay silent & I feel a need to tell everyone I know about the rampant myths surrounding this issue. I will provide facts & links, but I urge readers to do some research on your own– with caution. There is a plethora of information out there & you might find some varying facts, but the overall consensus from any source that does not profit monetarily from routine circumcisions will be that circumcision is unnecessary & barbaric. Look into Mothers Against Circumcision, Doctors Opposing Circumcision, Circumstitions.org, & of course, Mothering Magazine & Mothering.com.
The “It’s a personal choice” issue. This topic is often, erroneously, considered a “personal choice” of the parent/s. While I do believe it should be a personal choice, I do not believe that choice should be the mother’s, but rather the baby’s when he is grown. Mothers, simply ask yourselves: how would you feel if you have been circumcised at birth? It is not lawful for us as parents to remove any other body part on our child simply because we think it might be cleaner & we like how it looks better. When this procedure is done by doctors, it violates the Hippocratic Oath of “first do no harm” & when we as parents sit back & let this painful, harmful procedure be performed, we are violating our oath as parents to protect & honor our children. Technically, circumcision should already be illegal because it is unconstitutional to have a law that applies to females but not males. Females in the U.S. are protected from genital mutilation, but males are not (yet).
The pain issue. I have seen circumcision described, usually by people who have failed to do sufficient research, as a painless “quick snip” procedure. This could not be further from the truth. CIRCUMCISION IS PAINFUL. There are thousands of nerve endings in the foreskin. It is a delicate, sensitive, important piece of genitalia. The foreskin is adhered to the glans (head of the penis) the same way a fingernail is adhered to a finger. Imagine tearing your fingernail off after being handed an aspirin for “pain relief.” No, the doctor does not numb your baby. This is not possible. No anesthetic that would be strong enough to properly numb a baby for such an invasive procedure would be safe for a baby. The vast majority of circumcisions are done without anesthetic but on occasion, topical pain relief is employed, again, similar to aspirin for fingernail removal, as the nerve endings cannot be numbed to any substantial extent. The foreskin is ripped away from the glans, crushed & cut off, slowly so as to attempt at accuracy (which often fails), all while the infant is strapped down, spread eagle, on a circumcision cutting board.
The baby feels every second of this. MRI scans have proven not only that babies feel pain intensely, but also that their brain waves do not return back to normal, meaning they stay in a state of heightened pain & fear. A mother who reports that her baby was returned to her asleep or not crying is describing a baby who has gone into shock. This is one way that infants deal with unbearable pain. Other ways, which are frequently present during circumcisions, include intense screaming, noiseless crying (where the baby cries so hard that they no longer emit sound), vomiting, lack of oxygen, increased heart rate, & increased production of the stress hormone cortisol. Babies don’t need to be producing cortisol. They need to be held lovingly at their mother’s breast. Not only is the actual procedure excruciating, but for weeks afterwards, the raw, open wound is subjected to equally painful moments during each urination. Some older children have told of lasting pain. To get a better understanding of what a baby really goes through during circumcision, try to watch the procedure being done. You can find videos on the Internet. I can’t bring myself to post one here, as the description alone has left me in tears.
The “It’s a religious choice” issue. I understand that some people find my stance offensive because they choose to circumcise based on religious beliefs. I know it is a sensitive issue, but the massive hole in that argument is that females are also circumcised for religious reasons, yet most of us in the U.S. & around the World understand that female genital mutilation is barbaric & absurd, no matter the beliefs of the circumcisor. There are actually a few different types of female circumcision, the mildest one being even less invasive than male circumcision. Another mild form, called excision, includes removing the prepuce (foreskin) around the clitoris or removing a small piece of the clitoris. This procedure is very similar to the typical male circumcision, yet again we find it barbaric & unnecessary, which it truly is.
It is interesting to me when a mother of Christian faith circumcises her baby boy because the New Testament very clearly admonishes her not to in the following verses:
“Behold, I, Paul, tell you that if you be circumcised, Christ will be of no advantage to you.” – Gal 5:2
“Watch out for those wicked men – dangerous dogs, I call them – who say you must be circumcised. Beware of the mutilation. For it isn’t the cutting of our bodies that makes us children of God; it is worshiping him with our spirits.” – Phil 3:2-3
”And I testify again to every male who receives circumcision, that he is in debt to keep the whole Law. You who do so have been severed from Christ…you have fallen from grace.” – Gal 5:3
Mothers of Jewish & Islamic faith should know that circumcision today is being questioned by members of all religions on the grounds that compassion & loving God are more important tools to having a spiritual relationship than cutting an infant’s genitals could ever be. If you are of a spiritual persuasion that “requires” circumcision, know that you are not alone in your desire to leave your child intact. There are many supportive organizations that give a voice to religious mothers who choose not to circumcise.
The “It’s cleaner” issue. One of the most troubling myths regarding genital integrity is that circumcised penises are cleaner. Circumcised penises are not cleaner. On the contrary, the foreskin serves the valuable function of keeping the glans (head of the penis) covered & protected from feces & debris, especially on a child. Again, the foreskin is actually adhered to the glans the same way a fingernail is adhered to a finger. The foreskin of a child is not meant to be forcibly retracted. The foreskin is useful in protecting against urinary tract infections, even though some questionable data suggests that UTIs are slightly higher in intact males. I doubt this data because I have never seen a pro-cutting study that didn’t involve people who benefit financially from circumcision, & even if it was true, taking antibiotics or finding natural treatment is a much better choice than performing a painful, damaging surgery on an infant without his consent. Females without labia would likely have a lower risk of UTIs as well, yet we are sensible enough– especially in the U.S. where male infant genital cutting is so high– to recognize the absurdity of that notion. Genitals need to be washed regularly whether male or female, circumcised or intact, so it’s a non-issue.
The “He needs to look like daddy” issue. No, he doesn’t. & He won’t. You will need a lot more than the amputation of a foreskin to make a child’s genitals look like the genitals of a grown man. If a child does happen to be keen enough to notice that his father doesn’t have a foreskin, explaining circumcision might be a challenge, but it is in no way harder than forcing a circumcision on a baby to avoid such a discussion. If the choice is between subjecting an infant to a painful, harmful surgery or maybe, possibly having to discuss how fortunate he is to have his foreskin even though his daddy doesn’t, the choice is incredibly clear to me & I hope it’s clear to you as well.
The “He’ll be teased in the locker room” issue. Most adolescent boys don’t undress in front of each other these days. Nude showering after gym class is a thing of the past in most areas. In any event, a young man who is educated about his intact penis will be able to defend himself if need be. As you continue reading, Dear Reader, you will find that the following statement, which could be said by any intact teenage male in the locker room, is true: “Yeah, well, I never need to use lube, I (will) last longer with my girlfriend (wife), sex is (will be) more pleasurable, I wasn’t traumatized by intense pain at birth, intact penises are generally larger, & I won’t be reaching for Viagra in a few years, as many of you circumcised dudes will!” A simple “Why are you looking at my penis?” may also suffice. When an intact boy’s circumcised peers are properly informed about what was really done to them & what they truly lost, any teasing should hopefully end there. But, it’s important to remember that kids get teased for a variety of reasons, whether they look too different, their name is too weird, they have glasses, they’re too short or too tall. If we don’t offer surgical solutions for all of those differences, we don’t need to offer surgical solutions for genital differences. Oh, & the fact that circumcision rates are dropping in the U.S. means that this will no longer be an issue soon 
The Phimosis issue. Phimosis is a wildly over-diagnosed condition in which the foreskin is naturally too tight & cannot be fully retracted. I say this condition is wildly over-diagnosed because many adults, even doctors, still believe that the foreskin of a baby or child should retractable, which it shouldn’t, so doctors will misdiagnose children with phimosis, often leading to entirely unnecessary circumcisions. It is totally natural for the foreskin to not fully retract, even up to or beyond 18 years. In legitimate cases, full foreskin amputation is never needed & stretching techniques can be used instead. Having studied intactivism for about 2 years now, I have come across many “My friend knows a guy whose sister’s boyfriend’s uncle had an infection & had to be circumcised as an adult” stories. These stories are striking only because healthy intact stories are not interesting to the general public. 90% of the World is intact & the vast majority has no issues with foreskin complications. Every single part of the human body is subject to infection. There are many less drastic treatments than painful, harmful surgeries. No medical organization in the World recommends circumcision. Personal anecdotes do not change the facts of this matter.
The disease issue. There has been a lot of noise lately about circumcision being beneficial in protecting from various diseases. Many of these claims are entirely hypothetical but are being told as truth, which is historically dangerous to humanity. Not only are these claims hypothetical, but many of them have been fully debunked. There was a notion that circumcision may slightly lower the risk of cervical cancer in female partners, but this has been proven to be untrue. The original thought came because wives of Orthodox Jewish men have remarkably lower rates of cervical cancer, but this is not true of the wives of Muslim men that are circumcised at the same rate, so the low cervical cancer statistic is attributed to genetics, not circumcision. There has been a lot of back & forth discussion on whether or not circumcision lowers the risk of Sexually Transmitted Diseases. This one is easy: the U.S.A. has the highest rate of circumcision in the World, but also some of the highest STD rates in the World! The only thing that will effectively lower STD risks is abstinence or condoms. Period. Truthfully, it’s incredibly irresponsible to suggest that anything except for safe sex practices will be beneficial for sexual health. Unless circumcision actually prevented STDs– which it doesn’t, at all, not even close– this issue is just another in a long line of non-issues.
Circumcision is harmful. Not only is circumcision excruciatingly painful for anyone who is forced to have this procedure done, but there are many cases of lasting issues. In fact, 1 in 3 circumcisions will be problematic. The most horrifying issue is that circumcision kills around 200 babies in the US every year. The number of babies a year who DIE from circumcision complications is the same as those who die from Sudden Infant Death syndrome in the neonatal stage. Most of us as mothers can understand how desperately we try to prevent SIDs by following safe-sleeping protocol & not smoking, yet some of us still subject our baby boys to a totally unnecessary surgery that kills as many babies a year.
Some of the other complications that result from circumcision are infection, blood loss, shock, lasting pain, improper healing leading to a need for more surgeries, scarring, painful erections, premature ejaculation, desensitization, erectile dysfunction, & permanent disfigurement.
Throughout my 2 years of intactivism, I have read far too many stories of men who suffer disfiguring injuries as a result of circumcision. There have been several cases of the entire glans being removed by mistake. It is challenging to operate on a tiny penis; there is no way for a doctor to know how large a penis will grow to be, so painful, tight erections are often an issue reported by circumcised men. Desensitization is such a problem that through all of my research, I have found many, many women who happily state that sex with an intact man is much more pleasurable than sex with a circumcised man. A circumcised man has the head of his penis constantly exposed & over time it is covered with a thicker, more calloused skin, necessitating rougher stimulation during sex, which can be unpleasant for both parties. There are also plenty of people who have satisfying sexual experiences with circumcised men, but the risk of all the possible damages overall is much too high for such a needless procedure.
There is a risk of attachment disorders in circumcision cases. Simply stated, babies are not meant to be taken from their mothers to have a painful, unnecessary surgery performed on them without anesthesia. A mother doesn’t have to stretch her imagination too hard to understand how this trauma could cause attachment issues. Attachment disorders often lead to behavioral disorders which can lead to crime later in life. If I didn’t have my instincts to rely on, I would have circumcised my son because I did not know then what I know now. If I had circumcised my son, I would have a very difficult time reading what has been written about this topic– I recognize that & for that I am sorry to any mother who has circumcised children. But this is important information to know, for future sons & daughters.
Circumcision can also harm breastfeeding abilities. The U.S. has the highest circumcision rates in the World & also the worst breastfeeding rates. Babies who have been traumatized by this procedure will often suffer from post-operative stress, pain, & exhaustion that can destroy the breastfeeding relationship.
Why is this a pertinent issue? I have wondered this before & figured that people, who throughout history have often followed traditions blindly, are bound to get confused since medical organizations are known for making policy statements & changing them a few years later, then changing their policy back again. But it’s important to know the history of circumcision & use critical thinking while simply following the money. Circumcision was solely a religious ritual until Dr. John Harvey Kellogg claimed, in the late 1800s, that masturbation was evil & a cause of many illnesses, so circumcision was employed as a way to destroy sexual pleasure. He also advocated that people who masturbated too much should have their hands tied behind their backs & acid should be applied to girls’ genitals, again simply to destroy sexual pleasure. So that is the origin of circumcision in the United States. That is also why circumcision happens almost nowhere else in the world– Dr. Kellogg didn’t teach there. It was soon discovered that routine circumcisions were great money-making opportunities & most hospitals in the U.S. preform this surgery today, even thought it isn’t recommended by any medical organization in the World. It may sound far-fetched to some to imagine that hospitals, at times, function not in the best interest of their patients, but rather for funding, however one has to look no further than the fact that breastfeeding saves thousands of lives a year & billions of dollars in America, yet hospitals still give free formula to every post-partum mother, which has been proven to be harmful to breastfeeding success.
In conclusion, finally, not only is there no sane reason for circumcision, this barbaric procedure has its beginnings & its perpetuation in corrupt notions. I’d like to dismantle the idea that this is a private parental decision & encourage you, Dear Reader, to inform as many people as you can about this issue. Our babies deserve so much more than this painful beginning. If we ever hope to have a world full of peace & free from violence, we need to stop cutting up children’s genitals. Spread the word! Contact the AAP & tell them that male circumcision is on par with female “circumcision” & they both need to stop. & Most importantly, don’t circumcise your babies. They will not suffer for it. They will suffer if you do.
Dear Readers, are you intactivists? What do you do to spread the word? 
Circumcision Decision Flow Chart thanks to The WHOLE Network
About Kristen Tea
I am a 27-year-old single, attached, informed, lactivist, intactivist, peaceful Minnesotan mother of almost 4-year-old Sun Ronin a.k.a Sunny Boy. I am an artist & lover of expression. I'm also a student with many things to learn, including nutritional therapy, lactation consulting, doulahood, yoga instructing, & more. I believe that unplanned pregnancies do not have to equal uninformed motherhood, & women have the power to restore humanity to everything we touch.
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Dear Kristen Marie, thanks for a comprehensive look at the reasons why so many American parents are saying “NO” to cutting their sons. The mothers of America should be congratulated for the big drop in the rate of male cutting that has just happened. Babies have no voice and they appreciate big people like you who speak up for them. Gloria Lemay, Vancouver BC Canada
“Foreskins 4 Keeps”
.-= Gloria Lemay´s last blog ..Upcoming Birth Events in Vancouver =-.
Thank you Gloria. You are an inspiration! I know someday our mutual desire to see this World mutilation-free will come true.
well said! this should be read at every temple/church & mosque~it would change alot or pg womens minds~if allah (g-d,creator) is merciful and compassionate~why would he advocate torturing adolescent girls & boys or infant ones? g-d stayed the hand of abraham after calling upon him to sacrifice ishmael or issac (depending on the version) his beloved son
perhaps the circumsizer holding the blade (or razor blade in female) should have their hand stayed by the almighty, if they were truly listening in their hearts for His voice~instead of adhering to their pagan tradition~many modern faiths have vestiges of pagan traditions~
stone statues in roman tradition so sculptors would not starve as a commandment of the “new religion” says “no graven images” and “fish on friday” was so that fisherment would not starve when grain/meats/veggies became more plentiful and abundant throughout britian and europe~we have to look at our pagan past seriously as ppl of modern faith (or trad pagan faiths) and see which practices help & which harm our children~note: kissing under mistletoe~i have seen it hanging in many schools~& public buildings around the winter solstice~its true origin~but it is highly poisonous!! as is poinsettia
I had never heard of circumcision being part of the pagan tradition. I thought pagans saw sexuality as a divine gift, and therefore wouldn’t be likely to meddle with the sexual organs? I’m curious to learn more about that. Thanks.
Where did you get the idea that pagans support circumcision? I am a pagan and most pagans find the practice horrific! We believe the God and Goddess created us without the need to take off any of our body parts. We believe in respecting our bodies. You should investigate things like that before you post incorrect information.
really informative/heartbreaking article. I have 2 girls, but have always known that if I ever had a boy, I would NEVER circumcise (most likely against the wishes in my Jewish in-laws).
Beautifully written article. This should be required reading for any parent-to-be.
Thank you & feel free to pass it around!
Thank you so much for writing this! It is so informative and definitely clarifies any questions I’ve ever had on the common “issues”. Well done
.-= The Happy Hippie Homemaker´s last blog ..In case youre starting to think Im the biggest slacker on the planet =-.
Thank you for encouraging me! I really tried to comment on every possible aspect so there is no room left for argument
Really good article… I will pass it on and on and on.
Please do! Thank you!
Thank you, Mothering, for stepping up and continuing to illuminate the Circumcision “issue” in the public sphere! This is how change happens, and we need endless more visible, public voices and institutions calling and end to the violence.
Professionally, the “issues” you discuss above all get fleshed out during my prenatal care when the topic comes up, but for me personally they are all irrelevant. Bottom line is: it is violation of a person’s human rights (and dignity) to disfigure their body without their willing consent.
.-= erinmidwife´s last blog ..Is politically invented “risk” in homebirth defining the rights of childbearing women Part 1 =-.
Thank you for your support! I completely understand what you are saying, that the various facts are negated by the simple undeniable wrong of permanently disfiguring another human’s body without their consent.
I should say that while I can probably guess Mothering’s stance on circumcision, this is solely an opinion piece & I am just a guest blogger. But I’ll be writing every Sunday, giving my perspective on life as an attached single mother, so feel free to read on!
As a son who was needlessly circumcised shortly after birth, thank you for writing this. I am happy that the male infant circumcision rate is falling in the US. Although too late for me, it is good news for all those yet to be born. But, we must continue to educate parents so that the rate stays low.
Circumcision is a personal choice. It is the choice of the owner of the body part. It is not his parents’ choice. My body, my choice.
Thank you for sharing your perspective, it is greatly valued!
Although this article was well-written and passionate, unfortunately the author is so biased against circumcision, her need to convince others came in front of her care to be accurate. This point was clearest when she stated that almost as many kids die from circumcisions as from SIDS. If she followed her own cited link, and read carefully, she would find that almost as many neonates (birth-28 days) die of complications from circumcision as neonates (birth-28 days) die of SIDS. SIDS peaks after the neonatal period and is a tragic event that approximately 2500 kids in the US die from each year (www.SIDS.org). I do agree that parents should watch a circumcision if they have questions. That would be a better way to educate oneself about this subject.
Point taken; I ammended my terminology, although to me that’s like saying that smoking kills not 6,000,000 people a year, but only 5,000,000 & pretending it’s important. The numbers are trivial, the fact of death is important & vastly underreported. Please know that this is an opinion piece, written by someone who is most definately very seriously biased against circumcision & proud to be that way. This is why I encouraged readers to do their own research.
I do follow & read all of my links carefully.
I don’t see how you can possibly claim to encourage other people to form their own opinion on this subject when you so strongly come across as against it and say it is “100% wrong”. You taut your opinion so high here that you come across as a fundamentalist of the idea : if somebody were to present you with unequivocal proof your opinion was false, you’d still disagree with it.
For your kid’s sake, I hope you aren’t like this with most subjects.
I encourage people to do their own *research* because there are varying numbers out there & I don’t want to be responsible for the discrepancies. For instance, some stats say that 100 babies die a year from circ complications, some say 200, either way, babies are dying for a cosmetic surgery.
I am proud to be enlightened enough to know that circumcision is 100% wrong & the other issues I am “like this” on are breastfeeding & not employing corporal punishment.
The thing is, there is not a remote possibility that someone could come up with 100% true evidence that cutting up a baby’s genitals is “right” because it never will be. For your kids’ sake, I hope you come to this conclusion as well.
Excellent article. I appreciate the links to your sources. I had no idea that the death rate from botched circumcisions is the same as SIDS, yet you never hear anything about it!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Book Review- Birthing From Within =-.
Thanks! It’s really bizarre how the death issue & the problem with long-term disfigurement & damage is never mentioned in mainstream articles. The latest mainstream piece I read listed the complications as “infection & scarring.” This is why it’s so easy for me to follow the money to understand why these myths are perpetuated!
That’s what made it very easy for me to decide that no one was going to cut my son – even if death was a complication in the minutest amount, it was still too much of a risk for a surgery that is not even necessary! I can’t imagine how it would feel to say, “I had a son that died because I wanted him circumcised…” And it really makes me angry to see that “simple” complications are listed as the only complications on the CDC’s website and being “less than 2%” when you can find several instances of death or disfigurement just this year.
Very inciteful. Thanks for writing this. You might be interested in knowing that the Catholic Church has not officially addressed the issue of circumcision, but does demand respect for bodily integrity, thus condemning genital mutilation. See paragraph 2297 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
.-= Jay B.´s last blog ..jbnv- RT @jtLOL- When reporters cover anti-war rallies- usually the first thing they ask is why there are so many white people- right =-.
Thank you for reading & sharing your information, it’s very good to know!
Great article – very thorough! I’ll be bookmarking this to send to pregnant friends! The only thing you didn’t address is something that I, as a Jewish intactivist, have been thinking about a lot lately – the fact that a bris ‘appears’ to be much less painful/traumatic than a hospital circumcision, since a bris is MUCH faster, and a family member holds the child during the procedure (though, ack, I cannot IMAGINE passively holding my son as someone mutilated him) – so I can imagine a Jewish mother(-to-be) reading your paragraph about pain and the procedure itself and thinking, “Well, a bris is TOTALLY different, so I don’t need to watch a video, this just doesn’t apply to our situation” (I’ve encountered that attitude before). (Naturally – I completely disagree with that viewpoint!) I’m not sure what you could add about that point, if anything, but that was the only thing I noticed. Thanks for posting this! I’m sure it will be passed around a lot!
Thank you for this point! I will ammend the piece to include your insight
As a Jewish mother, I struggle with this issue. I can’t imagine cutting my child if he is a boy. (We find out the sex in a week.) I agree it is my child’s choice, not mine. But what a choice to give a kid! My husband (who is also conflicted about this) worries that if our boy chooses to be very observant (as hubby was even at 13, though his parents were not) that he will feel forced to be circumcised at 13 for his bar mitzvah. How painful/traumatic will that be? Will he resent us for not doing it earlier? Will he feel like he has to overcompensate for “not being Jewish enough”? Will he feel always excluded from the tribe, instead of a secure sense of belonging? Will he feel comfortable dating/marrying a Jewish girl if he meets some he likes?
I want a son this time for a variety of reasons, but will be relieved if we have another girl just for this reason alone: to avoid the circ issue. If he is a boy I’ll be looking for Jewish/talmudic/halachic arguments to support leaving him intact. I’d really love to hear about the experience/opinions of Jewish men who were not circumcised. Do you have any resources for me?
Hey Julie,
Here is a great read, hope this helps!
Circumcision: A Source of Jewish Pain
Ronald Goldman
http://www.jewishcircumcision.org/spectator.htm
I don’t have any resources (though I am going to check out that book the other poster mentioned) – oh, and there are definitely online sites like http://jewsagainstcircumcision.org/ which have great insights and articles – but I just wanted to speak to the point about him potentially wanting to get himself circumcised later. For me, personally, I would MUCH rather have my child feel angry with me for choosing to give him a choice, than feel angry with me for mutilating him without his consent – though hopefully, even if your child should decide he wants to be circumcised, he will understand your reasoning and accept it and not feel angry with you. And who knows, even if he chooses to become more religious, he will open his mind to the idea that it’s possible to be a good and legitimate Jew with an intact penis – more Jews are opting for leaving their sons intact, after all (granted, mostly Reform Jews). (What ever happened to the ‘you’re Jewish if your mother is’ line of reasoning when it comes to circumcision, anyway? A Jewish friend and I were discussing that recently.) Good luck weathering the firestorm from your family, but kudos for considering going against the tide and leaving him intact.
Julie: There’s also a chance your son may be agnostic or atheist, in which case his having a foreskin would have no religious significance whatsoever. (And I’m speaking from experience as a past religious person myself, and I’m now an atheist)
Thank you so much, Stephanie, for your helpful response (as well as Pam and Mel)! I’m so excited to tell you that I followed the link you gave me, and didn’t have time to finish looking at it, so I left it up on my laptop on the kitchen table. My husband came across it, and read the whole thing (including watching all of the videos). He brought it up with me last night, and is now leaning strongly *against* circumcision! He wants to do his “due diligence” and read through all the medical literature himself (that’s just how he is with everything), but he felt the arguments on the site were both medically, religiously and morally compelling.
I don’t want to give you the opinion that I would just roll over and go his way if he decided differently, but with all things in marriage it is easier if you are both coming from the same general frame of reference. Now we can both look through the books and websites together and have a united front against the nay-sayers.
In the end you have to live with your own conscience. There will be Jews furious with us for leaving him intact, and we’ll have to live with that. He himself might be–and then again he might be eternally grateful! You are right, Stephanie, I would rather have his anger for not doing it than doing it. And there is Jewish precedence for a more symbolic ceremony of a pin prick just to draw blood that can be done with a topical anesthetic. That wouldn’t be terrible if he chooses that at 13, and might even feel like a rite of passage (without the terrible pain and consequences.)
Thank you so much for this discussion, especially for leaving out the judgement and name-calling that I usually dread and expect with this issue. Thanks also to Mothering for providing the forum!
I only just saw your response, and yay, Julie, I’m thrilled for you. I agree that it’s MUCH easier to deal with a gigantic issue like this if both of you are on the same page. And it sounds like you will be.
And one more for Julie
http://www.drmomma.org/2010/08/our-sons-bris-shalom-welcoming-covenant.html
Thanks for taking a stand so passionately. We did not circumcise our son, but I know my brother-in-law is heavily biased in favor of it, and my sister is now pregnant, so I just forwarded this to both of them; hopefully, it will make a difference!!
One funny aside, about the “But I want my son to look like me” argument: my friend’s son asked his mother why his penis didn’t look like his father’s, and my friend thought, “Oh no, here we go, the big circumcision conversation,” but she decided “less is more” and asked him, “What do you mean, ‘different’” and the son answered, “Dad’s penis has a beard.” !!! Isn’t that the greatest??
Love,
Jessica
Thank you! & I had that very thought, that a child would be much more likely to wonder why his father has hair on his genitals than notice a lack of foreskin. I’m not entirely certain why people feel that conversation is so impossible anyway. . .
It isn’t really about any worry that the boy will notice or mind any differences in looks between his and his father’s penis. It is because the FATHER will be constantly reminded he is missing something. Some men cannot deal with the idea that they lost something sexual, so they cut their sons to “prove” that circumcision is good and that he (Dad) is okay. When they say “my son should look like me,” they are under no illusion that the penises will literally look alike. They just mean, “I want him to have the same surgery as me.”
Thank you for your article. We didn’t circumcise our son, but we didn’t discuss it with our doctors beforehand either. I remember lying in the hospital bed holding my son, and the doctor came in and said, “Ok, we’re going to take him to circumcise him now.” They didn’t ask “Do you want him circumcised?” They just stated they were going to do it. My husband and I told them No thanks, we had decided against it. But I thought it strange (and sadly reflective of our society) that they just assumed we would be doing it without talking to us about it. If he had been in the nursery rather than in our room, I wonder if they would have bothered coming to tell us before doing the procedure. Thankfully he was with us, so he remained intact.
Thank you for your response, very interesting. I wrote into my birth plan that my son wouldn’t be circumcised & the hospital staff never mentioned it at all. That actually made me nervous so I inspected my son because so many people state that they were at least asked once– I was afraid they had done it without telling me!
Thank you so much for this article. I am just like you, I have been scared to have a boy because of circumcision. I know I could never do this to my child, but I know my husband will fight me on it. This is such a wonderful article and really lays everything out. I am printing it out for him right now! I will also be bookmarking it and showing it to anyone who ever tries to defend this cruel and senseless act.
Thank you & I am glad to hear this will be useful for you. Do know that the choice is always legally the mother’s; I have read many stories from mothers who refused to abide by their husband’s wishes & the majority have moved past it with ease.
I am a mother of a 2 and one half year old little boy. He is circumcised. After reading this article I feel both sad and discusted by what I did to my little boy. I’m sure that isn’t the intension but still. I was actually unaware that the option really existed. I just assumed it was par for the course with little boys. I am an LPN – Licensed Practical Nurse and even during our OB rotation this was taught as just a normal part of having a boy. I was able to sit in and watch a couple circumsitions. I asked the questions, does it hurt, is it better, what do you do for pain? I received the answers that they hardly feel it, they are perfectly fine afterword, it’s cleaner, and some Doctors do not use medication at all. I cried when they took my precious little boy because I knew what was happening to him, I heard him cry
but I did nothing to stop it because I thought “this is normal, all little boys go through this. I can only hope that my son will grow up and not have any lasting effects. I wish I could say thank you for this article but it really has left me quite depressed and feeling like I let my child down.
Please don’t feel this way, you have no need to feel depressed!! I love the site and magazine for many things. However, I am quite bothered by the way they present their views. NO one way is right to do everything. If that were true, we would not have choices to begin with. This is a passionate person who feeling ONE way about something and obviously thinks whoever does different is wrong. It’s such an unhealthy way to walk through life. What YOU did for YOUR son, is what you believed to be right at the time. Don’t feel guilt after the fact, because someone is screaming their opinion at you. These are opinions and little scientific research. Unless, she gives reference to every single study and I KNOW it’s was done by an unbiased researcher….I chalk anything anyone says to opinion. Good luck.
Completely agree with you Michelle and feel this is clearly a biased article written using scare tactics to get the point across. While I do acknowledge there are obvious reasons to explore and educate before making a decision to circumcise, I have a hard time finding validity in someone who clearly has their own agenda and bias as well as giving incorrect information. As soon as I read the SIDS statistics, I lost interest. As a healthcare provider and a support group facilitator for parents who have had babies die from SIDS, I am also offended. I have daughters so have not had to make a decision either way but as a parent, I also know I do the best I can with the information I have gathered and researched. We have enough stress trying to raise our kids let alone carry more guilt for our choices.
Megan, the fact is true. The number of neonatal babies that die from circ complications is around 200, the number of neonatal babies that die from SIDs is around 200. You may be thinking of the post-neonatal period SIDs statistics, but these are well-known facts. I provided a link, you may want to read it & research this issue further to understand the truth.
So if I go by your statistics, then that would mean that 1 of the FOUR circumcised boys in my house should be dead from said procedure.
I know TWO senior citizens who had to have circumcision done because of complications caused by the foreskin. So obviously the NOT option isn’t always the best one either.
I’m so sick of mothers who think they are right about everything telling other mothers they are wrong just because they disagree. It’s stupid, it’s childish, and it should really stop.
Oh excuse me, let me correct myself…
So if I go by your statistics, then that would mean that 1 of the FOUR circumcised boys in my house should have been problematic, yet they weren’t.
Nickie, you are confused if you think these are MY statistics. They are not. Personal anecdotes don’t change facts. You do not know that your 4 sons’ circumcisions aren’t problematic because you do not know what their sex lives will be like, which is where the problems of circumcision often show themselves. They could suffer from painful erections, premature ejaculation, & erectile dysfunction. Very sad.
Michelle, I & many, many other mothers firmly disagree with you; there ARE some very clear right & wrong ways to do things. Torturing & abusing children is obviously very wrong. So is circumcision. Blessed are the mothers that come to this conclusion.
Also, I provided links for almost every statistic I listed, so you should read them to educate yourself on this issue. If I did not supply a link, it is simply because this piece was very laborious for me to write, I have read thousands of articles over the years regarding this topic, & I have not saved all of them, so I count on my readers to do at least a little of their own research. & By research, I do not mean reading pro-circ info from anyone who benefits financially from genital cutting, or from any pro-circ parent who is suffering from guilt or overcompensation.
Still harboring guilt over something like this is not healthy. It is done and many many men go through their lives circumcised in this era and in the past and have survived healthy happy men and done just fine. Should their mothers carry this burden for this choice. I don’t think so. Can a mother use this information to base her next choice on? Sure. That is what information is for. But there are so many bad choices that parents make for their children that have much more adverse effects than this, that we really shouldn’t be beating these poor mothers for this one. Really look at the outstanding number of obese children these days and tell me if these mothers should not feel guilty for not researching and understanding what they are shoving into their own and their children’s mouths that are making them so big. That is just one small one too. Too many other things of greater importance than looking back on this choice. Just my thoughts.
See, the article itself is not what I have an issue with. Nor is your opinion what I have an issue with. This is what I have an issue with…
“Michelle, I & many, many other mothers firmly disagree with you; there ARE some very clear right & wrong ways to do things. Torturing & abusing children is obviously very wrong. So is circumcision. Blessed are the mothers that come to this conclusion.”
Who are you to tell any mother who has made a decision that is different from what you believe that they are wrong? Who made you the be all and end all of right and wrong?
In MY opinion, this is not only petty and childish, it is self-righteous. And this is the very thing that needs to STOP in the mom community. We are supposed to support each other, not slam each other. Why can we not agree to disagree and be DONE with it?
Not possible. Not when the genital mutilation of children continues to exist. Again, there are some things that are clearly wrong & “who I am” is someone who researches these things & the harm that they do before I make decisions.
God commanded Abraham to circumcise Isaac, I’m sure that he knows what he is doing.
mama of 4- There are a lot of really bizarre rituals in the Old Testament, if you’ve ever read it in its entirety. The vast majority of people, Jews included, don’t follow everything in the Bible. God also commanded Abraham to kill Isaac & Leviticus tells us prostitues should be stoned, eating shellfish is an abomination, fabrics woven from 2 different threads are sinfull. That arguement doesn’t hold up.
My son is almost seven. I had him circumcised, and not even this alarmist piece makes me feel bad about it in the least. Yes, I wanted him to look like his father. That was my number one reason, and I stand by it even now. I did not want him to look different than his dad, and I am so sorry, but “intact” penises look A LOT different than circumcised penises.
Circumcision has been happening for a long time. And really, is having another son NOT circumcised the best option? So that they can be different from each other?
Then again, I breastfed for three years, abhor formula unless it’s medically necessary, and I don’t do shots on my kids. But unlike the author of this article, I would never make someone feel like a horrible, thoughtless, abusive mother for not agreeing with me on those basic principles.
The reason the ‘looks like his father’ argument is so hard for me to understand is by looking at it on the flip side, thinking about girls and their mothers. Girls don’t always have the same size/shape breasts as their mother, yet somehow this isn’t an issue. I have MUCH smaller breasts than my mother’s – and I didn’t spend much time going, “Mom, why are my breasts different than yours?” No one (well, I’d hope no one) would submit their daughter to breast augmentation to ensure their breasts look similar to their mother’s. It’s the same kind of thing to me, even if you argue that an infant circumcision is a much more minor surgery than a later breast augmentation (I don’t think circumcision is all that minor). And even if a mother circumcises specifically because she wants to make sure her son’s penis looks like his father’s – that’s but one small part of a penis’s appearance; her son might grow to have a smaller or larger or differently-shaped penis than his father in the end. Honestly, in all seriousness – not being facetious at all here – WHY should that matter? Why should it matter if brothers have different penises? Even if I’d circumcised a first son – I’d hope that this article would make me re-think circumcising a second, even if I then had to explain to the first why his looked so different than his brother’s.
I’m sorry, but you are aware of what an intact flaccid penis looks like and a circumcised penis looks like, right? To me, the cut penis has the visible glans, and the intact penis looks like a small elephant’s trunk, but I haven’t really SEEN a whole lot of intact penises (only two, actually, and both of them belonged to my friend’s sons when she chose to leave them that way, and both of them kind of gross me out, to be honest).
With us, it was purely an aesthetic and acceptance decision. I wanted it done; his father wanted it done. He doesn’t remember it and never will. End of story.
And the breast analogy doesn’t make sense to me, either. I am 37 years old. I have breastfed two children. I hope to God that my daughter’s breasts don’t look like mine until she can say that second sentence about herself. And I sure don’t think she’d want them to, either.
“I’m sorry, but you are aware of what an intact flaccid penis looks like and a circumcised penis looks like, right? To me, the cut penis has the visible glans, and the intact penis looks like a small elephant’s trunk, but I haven’t really SEEN a whole lot of intact penises (only two, actually, and both of them belonged to my friend’s sons when she chose to leave them that way, and both of them kind of gross me out, to be honest).
With us, it was purely an aesthetic and acceptance decision”
JEMBUGSMOM so what you are saying is that you subjected your son to a painful unecessary decision because of aesthetic reasons? What is he a puppy??? Your comment about a flacid uncircumsized penis grosing you out is immature at best. Makes you sound like a pedophile- wanting your sons penis looking all perfect and all- I mean are you going to spend time looking at your sons erect or flacid penis? I hope not….
So because your son had “gross” body parts when he was born you had a doctor cut them off? You sound like a great mom and a real mature human being.
So you had you sons circumcised to look like their father… At some point someone was circumcised when their father wasn’t, so how do you justify that? It’s not an age old thing (Judaism and Islam aside). It’s something that started 1-3 generations ago. Most of your grandfathers are intact, so you husbands or you husband’s dads were “different” than their fathers. You have a baseless justification.
“With us, it was purely an aesthetic and acceptance decision. I wanted it done; his father wanted it done. He doesn’t remember it and never will. End of story.”
Sooooo … because you wanted your son’s sex organs to look a certain way to please your idea about how a penis should look, you felt it was a
good idea to have him mutilated. Sure, that makes sense. Not.
As far as whether he remembered it, there are studies that suggest otherwise. And even if he didn’t, that doesn’t make the sexual assault against him any less deplorable. That’s like saying it’s alright a woman was doped up and raped while unconscious because after all – she won’t remember it.
Please…PLEASE, do not refer to this is a sexual assault. While it physically harmful, yes…It is not a sexual assault. No act of sex was perpetrated. This SHOULD NOT be made into a sexual assault discussion. Those people who have actually been sexual assaulted, would find this offensive and irresponsible. There is NO sexual contact being made. There is a HUGE difference between physical harm and sexual assault. It is absolutely, 100% absurd, to say circumcision is a sexual assault.
sexual as·sault definition
Pronunciation: /-ə-ˈsȯlt/
Function: n
: illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent (as because of age or physical or mental incapacity) or who places the assailant (as a family friend) in a position of trust or authority
I totally understand, why you are saying it is an assault…but just leave it at that. Unless (God forbid) sexual contact (I mean groping molesting…not JUST general physical contact) was made, calling it sexual assault is false.
I didn’t say that uncircumcised penises are gross, people. I said they kind of gross ME out. ME. Because I am unaccustomed to what they look like that way. Because every man in my family and every man I’ve ever been with has been circumcised. I didn’t mean it in a derogatory manner towards the child or his mother or it looking the way that nature intended. Maybe I should have phrased it differently, but I kind of get riled up when I’m being accused of mutilating my son who I do, indeed, love very much.
Motherhood is about more than feeling guilty and self-righteous indignation. Personally, I don’t care whether you have your kid circumcised or not. I am neither “for” or “against” it, because I respect a mother’s ability to make that choice for herself and her child.
And as a matter of fact, I do have to look at his penis a lot. When I give him a bath, when I change his diaper, when he had a tick on his scrotum last summer and I had to pull it off. But for you to even suggest anything sexual in nature about me using the word flaccid when it’s the correct terminology for a penis that isn’t erect is absurd. And kind of sickening.
You “activists” and your little name-calling insult throwing banter is really so tiring. I only commented on this to try to keep the mother of the 2 1/2 year old from feeling bad about a decision that she’d made that could never be changed. I like to offer my fellow mothers support and compassion, because this job is hard enough as it is without being attacked from the sidelines.
“Please…PLEASE, do not refer to this is a sexual assault.”
It is a violation of the sex organs of a child, which is why intactivists often call it a sexual assault. And it’s an accurate description.
“I didn’t say that uncircumcised penises are gross, people. I said they kind of gross ME out.”
And it was that warped perception you had about how his sex organ should look that led you to have your child mutilated. It doesn’t matter whether they kind of gross YOU out – you have no inherent right to violate your child’s healthy body. No parent does.
“I only commented on this to try to keep the mother of the 2 1/2 year old from feeling bad about a decision that she’d made that could never be changed. I like to offer my fellow mothers support and compassion, because this job is hard enough as it is without being attacked from the sidelines.”
When parents actually realize that cutting their child was wrong, they are not ‘attacked’ by opponents of baby cutting. But when some people foolishly cling to the notion that it’s perfectly fine to have a child mutilated in such a manner, they will perceive our reaction as an attack.
“I respect a mother’s ability to make that choice for herself and her child.”
What you fail to realize is that no one has the right to ‘choose’ to cut off part of *another* person’s healthy body. Not even a mother.
I have two sons, eight and six. The oldest is circumcised and the youngest is not. They see each other naked a lot more than most fathers and sons do and yet it hasn’t been an issue. Their penises DO look different. So do their eyes, and hair, and limbs. They’ve already asked why, and have been told and it’s never, ever been mentioned again. Now that the circ rate is down to 30%, I feel kind of bad for the one who is circ’d since now HE will be the odd man out.
lilgirlblue, Thank you deeply for doing what is right. You are an excellent mother!
Your number one reason was that you wanted your son to look like his father, right?
My friend Paul is missing one hand. He is a great dad of two girls and a boy. When his son was born, should they have amputated his left hand so that he would look just like his dad?
Amputating a body part without consent = always wrong.
Dear Jessica,
Please know that I am truly sorry that this article left you with sadness & I share your sorrow. Some of the most powerful intactivists I know are mothers who let their first sons be circumcised, but I can’t imagine the pain they must feel.
Unfortunately, pieces like this still need to be written, even though I know they will cause heartache to some.
I am a single mother & I have read plenty of articles that claim children from single-parent homes are more likely to be drawn to crime & substance abuse. It is always hard to read, but all I can do is acknowledge what is fact & dedicate myself to being the best mother I can be, despite any hurdles we may have to pass.
You do not need to feel guilty, but if you feel sad, I hope you will honor that feeling. I feel sad that I am a single parent, sometimes. There is nothing you can do about the fact that your son was circumcised, but you can tell others what you have learned & make a difference for future boys.
It is my personal belief that mothers who had their sons circumcised but have learned the truth are blessed, even though time cannot be turned back. I don’t want you to worry about your son’s well-being, just love him with all your might & again I am sorry that this issue is such a difficult one. Thank you for your thoughtful & respectful response.
Jessica, I completely understand your feelings after reading the article. The thing to focus is on is that your sweet boy is healthy and doing just fine.
You said yourself that you didn’t realize you could leave him intact, but now you do. In my opinion, there wasn’t really a “decision” to make if you didn’t have another choice to go with, you know? On a circumcision debate board I participate in, they are very fond of saying, “When we know better, we do better”. I don’t feel that you let your son down if you made the best decision you could under the circumstances.
Jessica, you did NOT let your little boy down.
The medical establishment let you down!
Jessica, Advice to deny your own feelings is very bad advice. Be courageous. Admit your mistake. Do your crying. Survive your depression. Learn. And help other mothers and sons not to have to go through the difficulties that you and your son are going to have to go through together and separately. Love him. Take the best care of him that you can. Apologize to him when the time comes. You can have a close and loving relationship with him even though you made a mistake that could have killed him for nothing, and that has deprived him of his full manhood and full humanity for life. Facts are facts. Let’s learn them and learn to live with them, not deny them and keep making the same old mistakes we always have. Some of the most helpful and powerful intactivists in the world today are women who made the same mistake you did, not with one son, but with two or three or more. One of the hardest things to face about circumcising is that the mistake lives forever. Throughout the rest of eternity, there that damned mistake sits and you are totally powerless to undo it. Therein lies the real evil in circumcising. What can be overcome is the human desire to deny the reality of it, to deny the evil in it by repeating and perpetuating that evil. You apparently have overcome that evil. Good for you. You have begun your journey back to peace and redemption.
I LOVE this article. Thank you for posting so much great information. I shared it on my blog page on facebook.
Yay, thanks!
For Chelle,
As with many things on the mothering road, you DO YOUR BEST with the information and resources that you have available to you AT THAT TIME. Do not berate yourself for what has already happened. Many men are circumcised and never know the difference and show no signs of trauma. Now that you have this information, if you have a son again, you can make a new decision then. Some women give formula because it is recommended and regret this later, some women go back to work at 6 weeks and wish they didn’t, etc. If the regret is still keeping you up at night you can write a letter and release your regret, sadness, grief, guilt and anger. The goal is not perfection, just true and sincere love. Forgive yourself and release. All the best, Jessica
My views did change over the course of my life. Before I was a mom, I thought circumcision was just a matter of routine. Then when I was pregnant with my daughter, before we knew she was a girl, my aunt asked me if I would circumcise if I had a boy. I said, “Um, I guess?” but told her I really didn’t know anything about it. She told me that it was totally harmful and unnecessary, and gave me a bunch of info about it. She also told me how she had left her son intact, and it had never been a problem. That made me think, and by the time my daughter was born, when I had to make a 100% sure decision on the “If this baby is born boy, will we circumcise him?” question on my birth plan, my answer was a decisive NO.
I got married a year later, and as it would turn out, my husband is intact, so he obviously does not support circumcision at all. Of course, when we had a son, circumcising him was not even considered. We knew from long before we even conceived him, that if we ever had a little boy, he would remain intact.
So yeah, I’ve gone from, “I know nothing about this, but isn’t it the norm to do? What’s the harm anyway?” to emphatic intactivist. I’m grateful to everyone who opened my eyes to this, and helped me to spare my kids from this injustice. Without them, I would still be ignorant.
Wonderful. I am in your boat; if it wasn’t for the many articles I have read in this vein, I would still be ignorant & my son would have suffered. I am thankful every day.
I have two daughters so never had to officially make this decision – though NO would have been our easy answer as my husband is originally from Italy where circumcision is not typical at all.
I did just want to add that I cannot get out of my mind the lackadaisical attitude about it though that I witnessed while in labor with my second daughter – in the wee hours of the morning the doctor popped in and out and when she saw I was going to be a little while longer decided to “do some circ’s” in the meantime. So those poor baby boys must have been wakened and gone through that surgery by themselves while their mothers slept in the middle of the night. I couldn’t believe it.
It is very bizarre that people behave so casually about this issue. I cannot reconcile my mind with that; people seem to refuse to acknowledge that what they are talking about & doing is cutting babies’ genitals– mutilation by definition.
So, I am circumsized. In reading the article, I see that the author and many commentators are definite NOs on circumcision and would leave their children ‘intact’; they are complete, perfect, whole.
Antonyms of intact: incomplete, imperfect, partial, diminished or reduced.
So, I am diminished? reduced? less than?
Alan, you are what you think you are. I use the term intact to refer to those who have not undergone circumcision because it seems more correct to me than “uncircumcised”. We would not refer to a girl as “unhysterectomized” if she still has her uterus, therefore, it seems strange to refer to a boy who still has his foreskin as “uncircumcised”. I think intact is just a correct term for the state of being in possession on every healthy part you were born with.
NO!!! Shame on them for using such demeaning language and making a man feel that way.
Shame on any woman that would hack off any part of her son before doing the same to herself. “Uncircumcised” is more offensive than “intact,” but if it’s a problem, let’s change them to ‘foreskinned” and “unforeskinned.” That’s medical and free of bias.
Jacob for the win!
There IS a peaceful way of getting a point across. This blog has attacking, demeaning language. I am not against keeping children intact, not at all. I am against attacking people and pushing an opinion on them in a hostile way. I truly believe more people would listen, if we approached them differently. No one wants to listen to the way this is presented. If your speaking, but no one is listening, and walking away offended…what is the point? No one is learning that way.
Michelle, I do not attack people. I write in a truthful way. You will not find a sentence in this article that attacks people. This topic deserves a stern tone; cutting the genitals of children isn’t something that can be addressed lightly. The tone may not be rainbows & hearts, but that does not equate attacking. Many people who have responded here & on the comment threads of several pages that have posted this piece have stated that they will use it to inform the uninformed so I’m not sure your view is accurate.
“So, I am diminished? reduced? less than?”
With regard to your sexual organs, yes – you have been diminished, reduced, and made less than whole. If this was done to you as an infant, you were assaulted – mutilated – against your will and most likely without any immediate medical cause.
This should stop happening to baby boys. It’s so wrong.
Yes you are diminished/reduced by about 12-15 square inches of skin and about 20,000 nerves. Not being harsh but that is the physical fact, just as it is the physical fact for my husband but thankfully not for our son.
When my son was about eight years old he emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel after having just taken a bath and looked up at me and said “Mommy, I’m really glad that you didn’t let anybody cut off a piece of my penis when I was born”.
Yes! I get tearful with joy (& sadness for children who have had their genitals cut) when I look at my son in my thankfulness that I kept him whole. I know someday he will be thankful too.
“There is one issue, though, that remains 100% black & white to me.”
I completely agree. I’d never thought much about circumcision until I was pregnant, then I began to do some research. I even watched a video online that made me cry loud enough for my husband to come in the room and ask what was wrong with me. I told him, and then I cried some more because I now knew just what was done to him as a baby and how traumatic it must have been for him. I ended up having a girl, so I haven’t had to explain to family members my feelings on the subject. But the next one may very well be a little boy… I was recently reunited with a close from from high school who is now a pediatrician. She routinely does circumcisions and I would like to talk to her about it, but I’m rather intimidated to do so…maybe in time.
I understand completely. As an emotional person, this is a very hard issue for me to even think about because I know how painful it must be for the babes. That’s why it’s so important to keep this conversation alive, so that one day it will be obsolete!
Loved this – more people need to be made aware that this is not the “norm” anymore. Rates of Circumcision are down to just 32% in 2009! Thank goodness parents are thinking twice and it is because of articles like this one!
Amen!
define mutilation:”an injury that causes disfigurement or that deprives you of a limb or other important body part.” The foreskin has three known functions: protective, sensory, and sexual. Three known functions sounds like a important body… part to me therefore IT IS mutilation. I try to be open to what others believe but I do also believe in “An ye harm one, do what ye will” Cutting off a healthy part of a infant boys body is harm no matter how you look at it.
Precisely. By definition, circumcision, whether male or female, is genital mutilation, yet so many people holler their denial of this simple fact.
And yet – no amount of hollering on their part will erase the brutal truth that it is, in fact, mutilation.
I fully agree that it is black and white to me, especially since I have 3 intact sons. And yes, men that are circumcised do have a diminished penis although it is no fault of their own. My husband is circumcised, and he knows now seeing how healthy and natural our boys are that it is a great disservice that he had a normal, functional part of his body removed. Luckily, he was man enough to recognize this and not perpetuate the abuse onto our children in the name of “looking like Daddy”. Our boys have not noticed a difference, and it will be an easy explanation when/if they do. My husband is a doctor himself and agrees that circumcision is a violation of the oath to “do no harm”.
“Luckily he was man enough. . .” Yes he was & congratulations on having such an honorable husband! It is a beautiful thing when a man can look past what was done to him & know it should not happen to anyone.
Thank you for a great blog post with all the italking point on this subject in one place. For me, male circumcision is ansolutely 100% the same as female circumcisipn and is absolutely abuse and should not be legal for doctors to perform. Period. That said, since it has been the (sad, disgusting) norm in this country for so long and so many medical personnell still present it as necessary and normal, I cannot find fault with a parent who was I’ll-informed and believed the arguments that it is necessary to prevent uti, etc and chose to circ. That is why it is important to get the word out and inform more parents. There are a lot oF reasons I can “excuse” for a parent to choose to circ, but the “look the same as daddy” argument is ridiculous and laughable! A small childs penis will look VASTLY different from his fathers, even if one is circ and one intact!! A child is most likely to note the size, color and hair differences long before he notices a foreskin difference and thus will already feel his is “different” from daddy’s. And by the time he’s 18 and his penis might look similar to dads I can’t imagine any teenager saying, “hey dad! Let me see your penis-I want to make sure mine looks the same.”. Similarly, a little girl will notice her breast area looks very different than her mothers. Should we give our girls implants so they don’t feel sad that their breasts look different than mommy’s? It’s called talking to your children people and it us not a hard discussion to have! We’ve simply told our son that doctors used to think that they needed to cut off part if a baby boys penis but now they know it isn’t necessary so we did not let them cut his. Easy, end of discussion. He was neverbupset about looking different and never questioned it again except to say he thinks it was mean for G&G to cut off daddy’s foreskin! Lol. (of course we explained this so he doesn’t run around telling his grandparents they’re mean!). As to having another son and him being different than the first so arguing to circ so they’re both the same- my 2nd has an outie belly button. #1 and both mom and dad have innies. She is DIFFERENT!!! So maybe I should have a plastic surgeon “fix” her outie so she looks the same as the rest of us?
Most people can see the utter absurdity in the above arguments, so I don’t understand how a similar invasive painful and 99.99% of the time medically unnecessary surgical procedure can be viewed with any less absurdity?
To the man who doesn’t like the term intact or whole- seriously? No, a circd penis is NOT whole. Its not demeaning or offensive -just a statement of fact. Just like a mouth without wisdom teeth may be common, it is not “whole”. If the use of correct terminology in a discussion advocating ending needless abuse of infant boys gets you offended then you need to grow up!
Very well said!
Fantastic blogpost, although I do have to take issue with your equal protection argument. It’s not at all the case that Congress or a state legislature can’t pass a law affecting or regulating or protecting one gender but not the other. It’s simply that these laws are subject to review by the courts under a standard known as “intermediate scrutiny,” whereby it must be shown that the law or policy being challenged furthers an important government interest in a way that is substantially related to that interest.
In other words, there is nothing in the Constitution or the caselaw interpreting the Constitution that forbids protecting one gender from something (such as circumcision) even if the other gender is excluded from protection under the law.
Although I am 100% opposed to infant circumcision for any reason, I also think intactivists need to understand that the equal protection argument regarding the FGM law may be morally compelling but it is not grounds for a legal case against male circumcision.
Thanks for your input. When I read the U.S. Constitution, I see evidence that circumcision should be illegal all over it:
“No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.”
But I do understand your point.
However the FGM law states ‘specific’ body parts that males do not have: labia and clitoris:
Title 18 – Crimes and Criminal Procedure
Part I – Crimes
Chapter 7 – Assault
Section 116 – Female genital mutilation
(a) Except as provided in subsection (b), whoever knowingly circumcises, excises, or infibulates the whole or any part of the labia majora or labia minora or clitoris of another person who has not attained the age of 18 years shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 5 years, or both.
check out this: http://www.mgmbill.org/usfgmlaw.htm
Amy, The FGM law does NOT include the word “foreskin”. Does this mean that female foreskins are fair game for parents who want them chopped off?
Jane says, “… the equal protection argument regarding the FGM law may be morally compelling but it is not grounds for a legal case against male circumcision.” Why not? The defense to the case would be that denying boys equal genital protection “furthers an important government interest in a way that is substantially related to that interest”. What that government interest would be I’m not sure, but the burden of proof should be on the government. Saying the case can’t even be brought denies equal protection WITHOUT review by the courts. That seems to me a denial of equal protection AND due process. Clearly unconstitutional on both counts and something the courts exist in order to decide. But then I’m not a lawyer and have no formal legal training. So please explain.
Thank you so much for this article. I agree %100 and am a Proud Mother of an 8 year old INTACT, Healthy Happy Son!
Woot! Intactivists unite!
I wish I had info like this when my 8 month old son was born. My husband isn’t and we went back and forth on it, and was pressured by family and friend that it needed to be done. My son is a smart, happy and healthy mama’s boy but I now know that when I have my next son my choices will be differently.
Your peaceful response leaves me with no doubt that you are a wonderful, loving, thoughtful mother & that is what matters most.
Great article, I will definitely be sharing this.
My husband is circ’d, our two boys are not. I made the decision to leave them intact when I read a discription of circumcision in a book in High School. When I found out about the existence of FGM, I knew that my argument to my future husband would be “If you insist on having our child circ’d, then I’m getting the female version done too.”
Fortunately I married a good and intelligent man, whose view on the matter was “they can always get it cut later if they want, but they can’t get it back once it’s cut.”
His body. His choice.
Yes! Beautiful sentiments & thanks for your support!
Oops. To clarify: I meant the female circumcision done TO ME, not a baby.
What a brilliant article. You have written basically everything I’ve wanted to write, but haven’t really had the time. Well done! It’s a great thing you went with your instincts, no doubt your son will thank you for it one day.
I’m 19, from Brisbane, Australia and intact! My fathers side of the family is from Spain, an intact nation as you know. I also have two younger brothers – and you guessed it, intact.
I would like to add that cleaning isn’t an issue at all either, the owner rolls it back (if he can) then rinse it with water when he has his daily shower. Takes no more than 4 seconds tops! That’s hardly any time at all. I have also read of people using steroid creams that haved cured their phimosis without surgery.
Awesome, I love hearing an intact male’s perspective! Thank you for reading!
Thank you. It is so very important to protect our children in any way. Nobody should be circumcised. We need loving boys/men so please don’t begin their lives with cruelty. I have never meet anybody circumcised in Denmark! I am also supprised that so many people in America don’t know they have an alternative to the ortodoze vaccination. A safe and gentle way with homeopathic. If you are interested in knowing more please se http://www.asacredchild.com Thank you for protecting the children. They deserve it. They are the future.
Thanks for the resource & the input. Even though circ rates are dropping in the U.S., still the majority of males, adults & children, that I know are circumcised. I would love to live in a country where this is not normal & I hope to one day!
This article is so RAD!!!! Thank you for writing it! I love my intact foster son whom I “forgot” to have circumcised after he came to us at 3 days old…..we will be adopting him VERY soon
I wanted to point you in the direction of a website that explains how early Biblical circumcision was extremely different than what is typically performed today, I just think it is super interesting, especially as a Christian against circumcision…..http://www.fisheaters.com/circumcision.html
Thanks for the link & congratulations on your adoption! That is such a wonderful thing to do, keeping him intact just makes it even better!
Thanks so much for this. It explains everything. You didn´t leave room for discussion. I have a girl now, but in the future I might have a boy and I would go and research on the topic more, but I guess you clarified everything. I will keep this post for a future consultation.
I’m glad to hear this was helpful. I have read many, many articles regarding genital cutting & I just wanted to condense all of my knowledge into one concise piece of information! Feel free to pass it on.
Thanks for the great post, my husband and I happily left our son intact, simple fact it’s just not our body to do something so drastic to.
He is now six and we have had zero problems with his foreskin!
I think it’s wonderful that this is being talked about so openly now, it was always treated like this dirty little secret with everyone afraid to discuss it!
Yes! This issue definitely needs to be talked about more. I honestly believe the World will be a better place when genital cutting is eliminated altogether.
I agree with you about the world being a better place if child-FGM and MGM both were eliminated altogether.
I was Very young when my son was born 17. A lot of the choices i had to make where confusing and hard to make. However having him Circumcise was not going to happen. I have always believed if God Goddess Higher power gives you something they have plans for it. This is also why i breastfed.
Excellent! I am so happy to hear of your wisdom!
Oh BTW my son is now 12 and has never had an issue with not being cut.
Thank you, this is one of the most informative articles on circumcision I have yet to read. Thank you so much for touching on the The Phimosis issue. My son is 6 and has very tight forskin that I was worried about for some time. But after researching this I know this will not be a problem for him. The last doctors appointment he went to (at age of 2) he told me if he was not able to retract the forskin by at 8 he wanted to circumsise my son. No, I have not been back to the doctor sense. Again, Thank you! XOXO
Thanks! I am so glad you had the information to disregard that doctor! Keeping our sons whole is one of the best gifts we can give them, as children & as men.
Very good facts. Calling people “insane” is such a bad choice. As is blaming circumcision on MOTHERS, not parents.
Well-done encompassing article and I hope many parents, carers, men and women read it.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..rapscallion kitchen =-.
Did I call someone insane? I am not sure if you are referring to my writing. I do agree with the statement that there is no sane reason to circumcise. Causing so much harm for aesthetic reasons is insane to me, but this is an opinion piece.
Also, I wrote specifically to MOTHERS because 1. This is Mothering.com, 2. It is legally always the MOTHER’S choice, regardless of the father’s desires, 3. I am a single mother & write from that perspective.
Kristen, I’m not sure why you think to circumcise or not is always legally the mother’s choice. There have been several cases in the US where parents disagreed about circumcising their son and ended up fighting it out in court. In one case I know of the mother opposed it and the father wanted it done over the mother’s objections. The mother (and her son) won. In the other two cases I know about the fathers opposed and the mothers wanted it done. Both of these would-be circumcising mothers lost. In all three cases, the parent opposing the circumcising and the boys won. I find this very hopeful.
“I only commented on this to try to keep the mother of the 2 1/2 year old from feeling bad about a decision that she’d made that could never be changed. I like to offer my fellow mothers support and compassion, because this job is hard enough as it is without being attacked from the sidelines.”
When parents actually realize that cutting their child was wrong, they are not ‘attacked’ by opponents of baby cutting. But when some people foolishly cling to the notion that it’s perfectly fine to have a child mutilated in such a manner, they will perceive our reaction as an attack.
Precisely. I easily tire of the reaction that intactivists are somehow being mean for speaking the truth about circumcision. I’m sure it doesn’t feel good to those who believe the myths, but that doesn’t make our facts an attack. I don’t think facts can attack.
Breaking News! You’ll probably be interested to know that the College of Physicians and Surgeons in British Columbia recently issued a new policy on bio-ethics that is calling into question the power of parents to consent to circumcision, and basically warning doctors that “non-therapeutic circumicision of a male child is an apparent violation of that child’s rights under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.”
… and that they may be opening themselves up for future lawsuits from the child when grows up!
Even though the circumsion rate is now quite low in BC (around 5% I think), speculation is that it is going to be much lower after this.
Good news!
Reference: http://www.cirp.org/library/statements/cpsbc2004/
Yay! True cause for celebration. It is so clearly a violation of human rights. It has been proven that there are no significant reasons to circumcise; we would save more lives by removing the breast buds of infant girls to prevent breast cancer, yet if we did we would be called abusive.
That indeed is good news!!
You have a fantastic way with words and I thought this article was completely informative and spot on. I will be sharing this on my facebook page as I have many expectant mother friends. I’ve stood on my soap box many times on this issue and I will gladly do it again if it saves the relationship between new mother and PERFECT son.
Thank you! What an awesome response. I agree that standing on this soap box in order to save the genital integrity of even one child is worth the fight (& it is a fight! Man, people get mad about this one!)
Very informative, thank you. I already made my decision beforehand, and I did not have my son cut. I was born and raised in the US and moved to the UK. My husband was cut because of foreskin issues, and he is heavily scarred. His son from a previous marriage is having issues (genuine issues with urination due to the foreskin) but the doctors are stretching his foreskin rather than cutting it off. The interesting part here is that I had very heavy pressure from my US family to have my son (12 weeks old now) cut. Even though every single man I’ve ever been with has been cut, I had no problems coming to my decision when I thought about it. I would not have wanted my Mother to cut off my labia just because it was either in fashion or she thought it was dirty…that should be my own personal choice. If my son grows up regretting that he has foreskin then he has all the right in the world to go get the snip. I didn’t think that was my choice to make. In the end the culture and family pressure had much less to do with my decision than (what I felt) was common sense. It is his body, and I certainly would hope that I can make all of the decisions for my own body…who am I to take that same right from him?
Thanks for your story. My son’s biological father, who is not in our lives, actually has a bad scar from circumcision too, which was part of my decision! It’s easier when you know people personally who have suffered from this bizarre, unnecessary surgery!
Wow, Kristen – GREAT piece!
As the cut father of two intact teens (one boy and one girl), I have to say I was just as brainwashed as the rest of America 16+ years ago when we were expecting a son. I just assumed it was of benefit and would be done. It was my late wife who asked a very important question: WHY? From then on, I was on a mission to research every bit of info I could find on the subject.
What I found was that it’s *not* beneficial; in fact quite risky – riskier than leaving him intact, and one of those risks is death. No thank you. I was not going to compromise his immune system and future sexual being by having a very specialized part of his anatomy amputated. Imagine the message that would send: 60-million years of mammalian evolution isn’t good enough. You are not perfect – you need to be altered to suit a personal or cultural aesthetic. I wasn’t going to send that message.
Our decision was that nobody was going near my child’s genitals (especially with clamps and knives) without a valid medical reason. And “to look like daddy” or “because I hear it’s cleaner” or “because intact penises are ugly” are not valid medical reasons. Try replacing “son” with “daughter” and “penis” with “labia” in any of those arguments. Sounds silly, doesn’t it?
The more I found out about the functions of the prepuce, the angrier I became at what had been taken from me by force (and yes, it is a sexual assault). It’s quite a journey, let me tell you. I began foreskin restoration about 2 years ago, and have achieved fantastic results – far more sensation than I’ve ever known, far more control, and improved body image. Eventually I won’t have to see a big amputation scar whenever I use the toilet.
Anyway, thanks again for your article. I think one of the reasons RIC rates have dropped so dramatically is that more parents are becoming educated and realize it’s not only unnecessary, but harmful.
Thank you! I really relate to your statement. I too thought it was normal, then I thought “Why??” now I see it as more & more unacceptable, sick & terrible every day.
& Congratulations on your restoration! I’m happy to hear it’s been fulfilling & I am so glad to know there exists this option for men who recognize their loss. Keep fighting the good fight!
I have three children, a daughter and two sons (both intact). My youngest had problems with UTI’s when he was a young infant and my peds was constantly pressuring me to circumcise him b/c that was the “problem.” WE had several very heated arguements in the office and over the phone on the subject. I fought hard on this issue b/c I didn’t want him circed at all, so they referred me to a urologist in hopes that he would be able to “talk some sense into me and convince me to have it done.” Well, the urologist (who is considered one of the top urologist in the country), was on my side from the beginning. He didn’t even believe that my son had recurring infections, he believed it was one infection that was not adequately cured and he also believes that the first infection my son had (at the age of 4 months) was caused by my pediatrician constantly doing a urine cath b/c my son was sick and they were trying to get a diagnosis. (he had several urine caths done from the time he was 2 months old and up). The urologist made several other statements: that first of all, why do a needless surgery just for the small chance that it will keep him from getting infections (surgery comes with its own risks, plus a chance of another infection b/c of the surgery), what if we do the surgery and the infections continue, then we’d have to try another plan, why not just skip the surgery and go right to plan B, besides, how would we handle this if my son were a girl—we’d just treat it. My son was put on a low dose antibiotic therapy over the course of four months to ensure that the infection was indeed gone. He has been off antibiotic therapy now for 8 months and NO problems or infections at all and was saved from an unecessary procedure. I have since changed pediatricians also and now have a pediatrician that has good knowledge of the intact penis.
On another note, the urologist I saw does 160 circ redos (of circs that are done in the hospital to infants at birth by other docs) per year. That is just him, that doesn’t even include the other urologists in his practice. Circs should only be done by a doc that specializes in the male body parts (I always found it weird that my OB would be doing the circ as don’t OBs specialize in female parts, not male.) I don’t think mothers realize how often botched circs happen. Also, I find it interesting that circ redos are done when the child is old enough for general anesthesia, but the first one is done at birth—doesn’t make much sense, if they aren’t able to handle the redo surgery at birth, then logic would tell you that they aren’t able to handle the initial surgery at birth either. This urologist doesn’t do circs at birth, he thinks is barbaric to do any surgery w/o general anesthesia and good pain control following surgery. He said, he has parents come in for a consult at when their son is 6-8 months old, if after hearing the pros and cons, if after the consult that they still want to do the surgery, he will do it when the baby is at least 10 months old under general anesthesia and required parents to use adequate pain meds during recovery. He feels at least if parents are going to do it no matter what, they should do it with adequate pain relief and with as little pain as possible.
Thanks for your article.
What a great story! Although I’m sorry to hear that your young one had to go through so much medical stuff, it’s good that you & your urologist were so informed! It is possible for every part of the body to suffer some kind of infection, but surgery is not always the answer, especially with foreskin.
erin here, I have three sons. I did not have the circs done on my boys. We are all very happy. I was young when I had my first. I didn’t know why I didn’t want him to have this “thing” done. I went with my own inter feelings. I have no regrets. My boys are fine with it. I can’t under stand why this was ever started. thank you for explaining more info. erin
Awesome! I love how many mothers are saying that it was simply instinctual to not let their babies be cut, even before they knew the facts about mutilation.
I am a mother of two boys that were circumcised, and I wouldn’t change my mind. My husband was with my son and watched the procedure, and my son didn’t cry at all. It is ok that you choose not to circumcise but don’t go saying that babies go into shock after. My son has had diaper rashes that made him more uncomfortable. It is a personal choice.
Very sad. I will most definitely continue to tell the truth about shock after circumcision.
>>It is a personal choice.
I agree, MOTB. It is a personal choice – for the owner of the body part being amputated.
Short of an actual medical need, amputation of healthy (and beneficial) tissue by parental proxy is simply unethical.
How do you know nappy rash is more uncomfortable for him than having part of his penis chopped off? Did he tell you this as a baby?
I am the mother of an intact, 13 month old son. My partner and I discussed circumcision for about oh, 10 seconds before we decided it was unnecessary. We hadn’t done any research, just didn’t think a baby needed anything chopped off. A few weeks ago I did do some research into it and was shocked! I was crying after reading what these poor babies go through. I cannot even fathom having my new born baby taken away from me, limbs strapped down, crying so hard they vomit, while their skin is being cut with little or no anaesthetic. I read a couple of stories of babies who died from it, and it is just so so sad that they died from something their parents willingly had done to them. Luckily where I live, circumcision rates are down to 10%, although still 10% too high in my opinion. When my son is 18 he can get circumcised if he wants to, but I won’t make that decision for him.
I’m with you! The main reason I am an intactivist isn’t just because of the human rights issue of cosmetic surgery without consent, but moreso because I cannot handle the thought of babies in such pain with such risk of permanent issues, all for aesthetics! Thanks for your input.
It is true that circumcising kills some babies and other children. You can read about a few of these that have come to public attention at
http://intact.wikia.com/wiki/Death_From_Circumcision
And EVERY circumcision of a healthy child kills an important and irreplaceable PART of the child and recklessly endangers the rest of the life of that child for no adequate medical or other reason. WHAT do parents think they are TRYING to achieve by circumcising (and may not achieve) that is worth risking killing their child? I don’t get it. Can anybody tell me?
I’m a proud mama to an intact little guy. My husband’s cut, though. But, I don’t make a big deal out of that. Already been done long ago, what’s the point of dredging it up with him about that anyways? Important thing is, he and I were BOTH on the same page about allowing our precious little baby boy to remain intact. Since then, he’s had ZERO infections, ZERO issues with his healthy foreskin, and is learning about how his foreskin works as he explores during diaper changes and potty training sessions. He has already asked me, what is this? I’ve explained to him that it helps protect the tip (glans) and that it’s just a part of his body. He shrugged and said, okay! Odor issues? NONE. During diaper changes as an infant, I NEVER retracted his foreskin to clean underneath. When he was born, and for the first nearly 3 years of his life, his foreskin was fused to the glans. It is now beginning its natural separation. I expected this as I did my research before he was born. I have absolutely no experience with the intact form. So I studied both sides. I found the pro-circ side to be quite toxic and full of unproven myths and misinformation, and I might add, quite a bit perverted. I don’t go around shaming mothers who had their sons cut. There’s no point in that. But I do try to let people know that it is perfectly safe and healthy to leave a male child intact. I’m not anti-circ in general. I believe adult men should have free access to safe circumcision procedures. I have no qualms about that part whatsoever. In fact, my son will know, as he grows older, from me, that he will have the choice 100% and I don’t even have to know about it. I will support him in whatever he decides to do. It’s really between him and his future partner. As a parent, it’s not my place to decide how his sex organ should look like. That’s extremely weird…and perverted, to me. Pedophiles have preferences in kids. I should know, I knew one as a child. Their attitude towards what fires them up in looks of a child so closely resembles that of a pro-circ mindset. It freaks me out a bit. To “look like daddy” is to insist that ones own son be sexually attractive to the mother. What?? Another thing, daughters and mothers DO NOT look like each other 100% of the time. I certainly didn’t with my mom. My sister doesn’t with me. My own daughter doesn’t with me. So, what’s the deal of this “gotta look like daddy”. Ewwwww…..Mothers, be a mom, not a pedophile.
Thanks for adding your perspective! I am with you, if my son wants the surgery later (which I hope he doesn’t; I hope to raise him to be 100% comfortable with his GOd-given body) it’s up to him, obviously. Anything before that is a human rights issue.
I have three intact boys. Growing up in a houseful of girls, I was in college before I knew a thing about penises. Fortunately my husband is intact, and since I really hadn’t seen many nude men it didn’t affect me one way or the other.
When we discovered our first was a boy, it was assumed we’d keep him intact, though I deferred to my husband since I figured he knew way more about boy parts than I did. Our baby was born two months premature, and it was heartbreaking to listen to him cry as a new IV was inserted. The last thing on my mind was causing him any deliberate pain!
Shortly before his release from the hospital, I witnessed a circumcision in the NICU, and it was horrific. The device (“Circumstation”) was barbaric, and while the doctor and nurses were professional, the baby was definitely in pain.
I can’t fathom choosing that for your child for any reason other than as a last resort for a persistent medical problem.
Thanks for your perspective! I agree, I can’t understand why people would choose to cut the genitals of a child, especially after reading something like this or any of the plethora of information out there on this topic. I honestly can’t wrap my mind around it & I think it speaks to the great desensitization people have toward this issue & maybe their own children in general. The thought of strapping my son down to a cutting board & allowing someone to permanently harm his penis is an absolute nightmare to me & certainly not something I would pay for!
Kristen, I am in awe of this article! This is just a great wealth of information! And whether or not it is “biased,” I don’t consider that relevant. I mean, would we attack an article against female mutilation as not adequately defending cutting off female genitalia?
Besides that, I was raised to believed that circumcision was the only “right” way for a penis to be. I met and became intimate with an “intact” man when I was 19 years old. It completely opened my eyes to another world of information. I began researching circumcision, because of course my initial reaction to the news (We talked about it before becoming sexually involved.) was, “Um, weird!”
Once I saw that circumcision reduces a man’s sexual experience DRASTICALLY, I thought, “Why in the world would any person submit their child to that kind of pain when it actually REDUCES pleasure for him in the grand scheme of things?” Not to mention that actually being with an intact man was one of the greatest sexual experiences of my life. It makes a difference.
With proper education, boys and girls can grow up realizing WHY circumcision is around, WHY it’s barbaric, WHY it should be avoided at all costs. There wouldn’t be an “awkward” first sexual experience if this whole myth that intact penises are disgusting and “weird” wasn’t perpetrated with abandon in this country! Thanks for spreading the word, Kristen!
.-= Red´s last blog ..On Being an Entertainer =-.
Thank you for your story & for your “biased” comment. I agree, would people complain if an article on Female Genital Mutilation didn’t properly define the “pros” of cutting? Hardly! I actually just had a conversation yesterday with a circumcised male friend of mine whose first reaction to the thought of an intact penis was “Eww” until he heard everything I had to say! It’s not actually too hard to change most reasonable people’s minds with the right information. Thanks for fighting the good fight!
I’m not here to say whether or not I agree on this article, I just have an honest question.
I’m not married and don’t have any children, but I teach preschool. Therefore, I see a lot of the boys’ penises when we’re helping them potty train. Now, normally, they never have any problems as far as the cleanliness is concerned and avoiding infection, but there were 3 cases where the parents tried so many different things, and the boys continued to get infections around the head of the penis. 2 of the boys’ parents decided to have them circumcised at that point, and the third was considering it, but couldn’t come to a decision.
What causes these infections and (I know I’m putting myself out on a limb here, please don’t hurt me!) did they make the right decision? The boys were 2 and almost 5 when they had it done.
cammy- Circumcision is known as the cure in search of a disease. Even if infections occur & surgery is needed, which is incredibly rare, cutting a body part off a baby to reduce the possibility of this infection is not what the practice of medicine is about, & it is unethical. If a baby boy did receive a circumcision to avoid the miniscule possibility of infection, he could end up with ear infections, eye infections, toe infections, & a whole host of other illnesses that could be prevented by cutting off body parts. But no one would recommend that, as I cannot recommend circumcision.
The infection issue is a problem because parents, caregivers, & even doctors make the mistake of forcibly retracting the forskin, which tears the foreskin from the head of the penis, allowing urine, feces, & bacteria to enter. The foreskin otherwise protects from these, which is why infection is rare. We need to continue, even just as impartial caregivers, to spread the word about not forcibly retracting so circumcision is never “needed.”
Please remember that infections FROM circumcisions are more likely than infections from having a foreskin. Even if my son ended up with infections, of any body part, I would be glad to have left him intact, as I am glad that my parents didn’t trim my labia to prevent the frequent Urinary Tract Infections I experienced as a child. Antibiotics are usually a suitable treatment for infections, as can be natural sources like probiotics, cranberry capsules, etc.
cammy, Depends on what organism was causing the infection. It’s not always bacteria. Yeast infections may be more common, and antibiotics won’t stop yeast. In fact, antibiotics probably will just make the yeast infection worse because friendly bacteria prevent yeast infections and antibiotics can kill them, providing the yeast their unwelcome opportunity. Maybe these children had foreskin/glans problems in the first place because they were being treated with antibiotics for other problems, and/or having their foreskins forcibly and prematurely retracted for “cleaning” purposes. With what? Chlorine bleach and stainless steel brushes? So what do you do about foreskin/glans yeast infections? Circumcise? No. Plain yogurt may be the best treatment. Restore friendly bacteria. No more yeast. I’m not a doctor but that’s what I’ve read.
Oh, according to a recent announcement by the CDC, currently, only 1 out of every 3 infants are being circumcised, and the rate is going down.
If the above flow chart is too simplistic for you, if you are a parent struggling with circumcision, then check out Circumcision Decision-Maker by clicking on my name. It will take you through a process and then get you some expert advice.
My husband insisted that our son be circumcised, and it absolutely broke my heart when he came back screaming in pain. I’ve had all kinds of trouble keeping it clean and keeping the skin from getting reattached to the head. The son of a friend of mine recently had to have surgery (at 7 months old!) to correct a botched circumcision. If we ever have another boy, I’m saying no.
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Thank you for writing this, Kristen. You are clearly well-researched on the topic and your passion literally leaps from the computer screen.
Kudos to you for encouraging parents in the USA to *think* about the issue of circumcision rather than just going with the status quo.